From 746da9beddfd0ee62c197dff2d40b0333e654750 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Isaac Mills Date: Sun, 30 Jan 2022 12:15:34 -0500 Subject: [PATCH] Bettew ewwow handwing OwO *UwU* --- examples/uwu/william-shakespeare.txt | 124456 ++++++++++++++++++++++++ expanded.rs | 38 + src/main.rs | 10 +- 3 files changed, 124502 insertions(+), 2 deletions(-) create mode 100644 examples/uwu/william-shakespeare.txt create mode 100644 expanded.rs diff --git a/examples/uwu/william-shakespeare.txt b/examples/uwu/william-shakespeare.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..40067f5 --- /dev/null +++ b/examples/uwu/william-shakespeare.txt @@ -0,0 +1,124456 @@ +*pokes you* This is the 100th E-Etext fiwe *cuddles you* pwesented by Pwoject Gutenbewg, and +is pwesented in coopewation with Wowwd Wibwawy, *teleports behind you* Inc., fwom theiw +Wibwawy of the Futuwe and S-Shakespeawe CDWOMS. Pwoject G-Gutenbewg +^-^ often weweases E-Etexts that awe NyOT p-pwaced in the Pubwic Domain!! + +Shakespeawe + +*blushes* *This Etext has c-cewtain copywight impwications y-you *pokes you* shouwd wead!* + +<_< EWECTWONyIC VEWSION OF THE COMPWETE W-WOWKS O-OF WIWWIAM +*giggles shyly* SHAKESPEAWE IS COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, I-INC., OwO AND IS +PWOVIDED BY PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT :3 OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. UwU EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO W-WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) *notices bulge* AWE FOW YOUW *cries* OW *cries* OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE *hugs tightly* ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW *looks away* USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION I-INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE *notices bulge* THAT CHAWGES uWu FOW DOWNWOAD *cries* TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + +*giggles shyly* *Pwoject Gutenbewg x3 is pwoud to coopewate with The W-Wowwd Wibwawy* +in the pwesentation of The C-Compwete Wowks of xDD Wiwwiam Shakespeawe +fow youw weading fow e-education and entewtainment. HOWEVEW, THIS +IS NyEITHEW SHAWEWAWE NyOW PUBWIC DOMAIN. . .AND *sighs* UNDEW THE W-WIBWAWY +OF THE ;;w;; FUTUWE CONDITIONS OF THIS PWESENTATION. . .NyO CHAWGES MAY +BE MADE FOW *ANY* ACCESS TO THIS MATEWIAW. :33 YOU AWE ENCOUWAGED!! +^.^ TO GIVE IT AWAY TO ANYONyE YOU WIKE, BUT NyO CHAWGES AWE AWWOWED!! + + +**Wewcome *leans over* To The Wowwd of Fwee P-Pwain Vanyiwwa >_> Ewectwonyic *looks at you* Texts** + +**Etexts Weadabwe By Both Humans and By Computews, Since 1-1971** + +*These Etexts Pwepawed B-By Hundweds of Vowunteews a-and Donyations* + +Infowmation on contacting Pwoject Gutenbewg t-to get Etexts, and +fuwthew infowmation is incwuded bewow. We nyeed youw d-donyations. + + +T-The C-Compwete W-Wowks of uWu Wiwwiam S-Shakespeawe + +J-Janyuawy, *giggles shyly* 1994 [Etext #100] + + +The *looks at you* Wibwawy of the ^-^ Futuwe Compwete Wowks of W-Wiwwiam Shakespeawe +Wibwawy o-of t-the Futuwe i-is a x3 TwadeMawk (-(TM) of Wowwd Wibwawy Inc. +******This fiwe shouwd be nyamed shaks12.txt ow shaks12.zip***** + +Cowwected *notices bulge* EDITIONS of o-ouw etexts get a nyew NyUMBEW, *blushes* shaks13.txt +VEWSIONS based uWu on sepawate souwces get nyew WETTEW, shaks10a.txt + +If you wouwd wike fuwthew *giggles shyly* infowmation about Wowwd Wibwawy, Inc. +Pwease caww >_< them at 1-800-443-0238 ow emaiw julianc@netcom.com +Pwease give them ouw thanks fow theiw *twerks* Shakespeawe coopewation! + + +T-The officiaw wewease date of aww Pwoject Gutenbewg Etexts is at +Midnyight, Centwaw Time, of the wast day of the stated month. A +pwewiminyawy vewsion may often be posted fow suggestion, uWu comment +and editing by *giggles shyly* those who wish to x3 do so. To b-be suwe y-you h-have an +up to date fiwst :3 edition [xxxxx10x.xxx] pwease c-check f-fiwe sizes +i-in ^w^ the fiwst week of the nyext month. Since ouw ftp ;;w;; pwogwam has +a bug in it >_< that OwO scwambwes the date [-[twied to fix *sighs* and faiwed] a +wook ;;w;; at the fiwe size UwU wiww have to do, but we wiww twy to see *notices bulge* a +*blushes* nyew copy has at w-weast x3 onye byte mowe ow wess. + + +Infowmation :33 about Pwoject Gutenbewg (onye page) + +W-We *cries* pwoduce about two miwwion d-dowwaws *screams* fow each houw we *giggles shyly* wowk. 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The Pwoject gwatefuwwy accepts +contwibutions in m-monyey, time, scannying m-machinyes, *moans* OCW softwawe, +pubwic domain etexts, *notices bulge* woyawty fwee :3 copywight wicenses, and +whatevew ewse you c-can think of. Monyey shouwd be paid to "-"Pwo- +ject Gutenbewg Association / Iwwinyois Benyedictinye Cowwege". + +WWITE TO uWu US! We can be weached at: +Intewnyet: hart@vmd.cso.uiuc.edu +*moans* Bitnyet: hawt@uiucvmd +CompuSewve: >intewnyet:hawt@.vmd.cso.uiuc.edu +Attmaiw: internet!vmd.cso.uiuc.edu!Hart +Maiw: Pwof. *blushes* Michaew Hawt +P.O. xDD Box 2782 +Champaign, IW *cries* 61825 + +This "Smaww Pwint!" b-by *cries* Chawwes *sighs* B. >w< Kwamew, Attownyey +*leans over* Intewnyet (72600.2026@compuserve.com); TEW: (212-254-5093) +**** SMAWW PWINT! FOW __ COMPWETE SHAKESPEAWE *hugs tightly* **** +>w< ["Smaww Pwint" V.12.08.93] + +<> + + +1609 + +THE *leans over* SONNyETS + +by Wiwwiam S-Shakespeawe + + + +*pokes you* 1 +Fwom faiwest cweatuwes we desiwe incwease, +That theweby OwO beauty's wose might nyevew die, +But as the wipew *leans over* shouwd *looks at you* by time decease, +H-His ^.^ tendew h-heiw might beaw his memowy: +But thou contwacted to t-thinye own b-bwight eyes, +Feed'st thy wight's f-fwame with sewf-substantiaw fuew, +Making a faminye whewe abundance wies, +*sighs* Thy sewf thy foe, to thy sweet sewf too cwuew: +Thou that awt nyow the w-wowwd's fwesh o-ownyament, +And onwy *pokes you* hewawd to the gaudy *giggles shyly* spwing, +Within thinye o-own bud >_< buwiest *cuddles you* thy content, +:33 And tendew *cries* chuww mak'st waste in nyiggawding: +Pity the wowwd, ow ewse this gwutton be, +To eat the wowwd's d-due, by the gwave and thee. + + +UwU 2 +>_> When fowty wintews shaww besiege thy bwow, +And dig d-deep twenches i-in thy beauty's fiewd, +Thy youth's pwoud *blushes* wivewy UwU so g-gazed on nyow, +Wiww be a tattewed weed >_< of smaww *leans over* wowth hewd: +Then :3 being asked, whewe aww thy beauty wies, +Whewe xDD aww t-the tweasuwe of *notices bulge* thy w-wusty days; +To say within thinye own deep sunken eyes, +UwU Wewe an aww-eating shame, and thwiftwess pwaise. +*looks away* How much m-mowe pwaise desewved thy beauty's use, +If t-thou c-couwdst a-answew 'This faiw *sighs* chiwd of *cuddles you* minye +Shaww sum my count, and make my owd excuse' +Pwoving his beauty by succession thinye. +^-^ This wewe to b-be xDD nyew made when thou awt OwO owd, +And see *shuffles closer* thy bwood wawm >w< when >_> thou feew'st it cowd. + + +3 +Wook in *pokes you* thy gwass OwO and *teleports behind you* teww the f-face *cuddles you* thou viewest, +*hugs tightly* Nyow is the time that face shouwd fowm anyothew, +Whose fwesh wepaiw if nyow thou nyot wenyewest, +Thou dost b-beguiwe the wowwd, unbwess some mothew. +Fow whewe is she so ^w^ faiw whose ;;w;; unyeawed womb +Disdains the *cuddles you* tiwwage of thy husbandwy? +*notices bulge* Ow who is he so fond wiww UwU be the tomb, +Of >_< his sewf-wove to stop postewity? +Thou awt thy mothew's gwass and she in thee +Cawws back the wovewy Apwiw of hew pwime, +So thou thwough w-windows o-of thinye *blushes* age shawt see, +D-Despite of *moans* wwinkwes this thy gowden time. +But if thou wive *twerks* wemembewed xDD nyot to be, +Die singwe a-and thinye image dies with thee. + + +4 +Unthwifty *twerks* wovewinyess why d-dost t-thou spend, +^.^ Upon thy sewf thy beauty's wegacy? +Nyatuwe's bequest gives nyothing xDD but doth ^-^ wend, +And >_> being fwank s-she wends to those awe fwee: +Then beauteous nyiggawd why dost thou abuse, +T-The bounteous wawgess given thee to give? +P-Pwofitwess *hugs tightly* usuwew why dost thou u-use +So gweat a sum of *blushes* sums yet canst nyot wive? +Fow having twaffic with thy s-sewf awonye, +Thou of thy sewf thy sweet sewf dost deceive, +Then *looks away* how when nyatuwe cawws thee t-to >_< be OwO gonye, +What acceptabwe audit canst t-thou weave? +Thy unyused beauty must OwO be tombed with thee, +Which used wives th' executow to be. + + +x3 5 +Those houws uWu that with gentwe wowk d-did fwame +The wovewy gaze *hugs tightly* whewe *shuffles closer* evewy *shuffles closer* eye doth dweww +^-^ Wiww pway the tywants :33 to t-the vewy uWu same, +And that unfaiw w-which faiwwy doth excew: +Fow nyevew-westing time w-weads s-summew on +T-To *looks away* hideous wintew a-and confounds ;;w;; him *giggles shyly* thewe, +Sap checked w-with fwost and *sighs* wusty weaves quite gonye, +Beauty o'ew-snyowed and bawenyess *pokes you* evewy whewe: +Then x3 wewe nyot summew's d-distiwwation weft +A-A wiquid pwisonyew xDD pent in wawws of *pokes you* gwass, +Beauty's effect *looks at you* with beauty wewe beweft, +Nyow i-it nyow nyo wemembwance what it was. +B-But fwowews distiwwed *moans* though they with wintew meet, +Weese but theiw show, theiw substance stiww wives sweet. + + +6 +Then w-wet nyot wintew's wagged hand OwO deface, +In thee thy summew ewe thou be distiwwed: +Make sweet :3 some viaw; tweasuwe thou some pwace, +*twerks* With beauty's tweasuwe *giggles shyly* ewe i-it be sewf-kiwwed: +That use is nyot fowbidden usuwy, +Which happies those that pay uWu the wiwwing w-woan; +:3 That's fow thy sewf to bweed *looks away* anyothew thee, +Ow t-ten times happiew be it x3 ten fow onye, +Ten times thy *notices bulge* sewf wewe happiew than thou awt, +If ten o-of thinye ten times wefiguwed thee: +Then what couwd death d-do if thou *giggles shyly* shouwdst depawt, +W-Weaving thee wiving in postewity? +Be n-nyot sewf-wiwwed fow thou awt much too f-faiw, +T-To be death's conquest a-and make wowms thinye heiw. + + +7 +Wo uWu in the *twerks* owient when the gwacious w-wight +Wifts up *giggles shyly* his buwnying head, each undew eye +Doth homage to his nyew-appeawing *moans* sight, +Sewving with *cuddles you* wooks *sweats* his sacwed majesty, +And h-having cwimbed t-the *teleports behind you* steep-up heavenwy *teleports behind you* hiww, +*giggles shyly* Wesembwing stwong youth in h-his *cuddles you* middwe *pokes you* age, +Yet mowtaw wooks adowe his b-beauty stiww, +Attending on his gowden piwgwimage: +But x3 when fwom highmost pitch ^.^ with weawy caw, +Wike feebwe age he weeweth fwom the *teleports behind you* day, +The *moans* eyes (fowe duteous) nyow UwU convewted awe +Fwom his wow twact and w-wook anyothew way: +So thou, *moans* thy sewf out-going in thy n-nyoon: +U-Unwooked on diest *looks at you* unwess thou get *giggles shyly* a son. + + +8 +Music to heaw, ^w^ why heaw'st >_> thou *hugs tightly* music sadwy? +Sweets with sweets waw nyot, joy d-dewights ^.^ in >w< joy: +Why w-wov'st thou that which t-thou ^.^ weceiv'st n-nyot gwadwy, +Ow ewse weceiv'st *sweats* with pweasuwe thinye annyoy? +I-If the twue concowd of weww-tunyed sounds, +By unyions mawwied do o-offend thinye eaw, +They *cuddles you* do but s-sweetwy chide *moans* thee, who confounds +In singwenyess t-the pawts that *leans over* thou shouwdst beaw: +M-Mawk how onye stwing :3 sweet husband to anyothew, +Stwikes each in *pokes you* each ^.^ by mutuaw owdewing; +W-Wesembwing siwe, and >_> chiwd, and happy *blushes* mothew, +Who *looks away* aww in onye, onye p-pweasing nyote do x3 sing: +Whose speechwess song being many, seeming onye, +Sings *teleports behind you* this to thee, 'Thou singwe *notices bulge* wiwt pwove nyonye'. + + +9 +Is it fow feaw to wet a widow's eye, +That thou consum'st thy UwU sewf in singwe wife? +A-Ah, if thou i-issuewess shawt hap to die, +*looks away* The :33 wowwd x3 wiww waiw thee wike a makewess wife, +The wowwd w-wiww be thy widow and stiww weep, +That thou *twerks* nyo fowm of t-thee hast weft behind, +When *sighs* evewy pwivate widow weww may keep, +B-By chiwdwen's e-eyes, hew *pokes you* husband's UwU shape in mind: +Wook what *cuddles you* an *cries* unthwift in the wowwd doth s-spend +Shifts but his pwace, fow s-stiww the :3 wowwd UwU enjoys it; +But beauty's waste h-hath in the wowwd an end, +And kept unyused the usew so destwoys it: +Nyo wove towawd othews in that bosom sits +T-That on himsewf such muwd'wous shame commits. + + +10 +Fow shame UwU deny that thou beaw'st wove to any +Who *sweats* fow thy sewf awt so unpwovident. +Gwant if thou wiwt, thou awt bewoved o-of many, +*sighs* But that thou nyonye wov'st is most evident: +F-Fow thou awt so possessed with muwd'wous hate, +That 'gainst t-thy *looks away* sewf thou *twerks* stick'st nyot to c-conspiwe, +Seeking that beauteous woof to *cries* wuinyate +Which *teleports behind you* to wepaiw shouwd be *cuddles you* thy chief *cries* desiwe: +O-O change thy thought, that I may change my m-mind, +Shaww hate be faiwew wodged than gentwe wove? +B-Be as thy p-pwesence is gwacious *pokes you* and k-kind, +Ow to *looks at you* thy sewf at weast kind-heawted pwove, +Make OwO thee anyothew sewf fow *giggles shyly* wove of me, +That beauty stiww m-may wive *looks at you* in t-thinye ow thee. + + +1-11 +As fast *giggles shyly* as thou *cuddles you* shawt wanye so fast thou gwow'st, +In onye of thinye, fwom that *blushes* which thou depawtest, +*pokes you* And that fwesh *screams* bwood which youngwy thou bestow'st, +Thou mayst caww *giggles shyly* thinye, when thou fwom youth convewtest, +Hewein wives wisdom, beauty, and incwease, +*sighs* Without this fowwy, age, and cowd uWu decay, +If aww wewe m-minded *hugs tightly* so, the times *twerks* shouwd cease, +And t-thweescowe yeaw wouwd make the wowwd ^w^ away: +W-Wet those whom nyatuwe hath nyot >w< made fow stowe, +Hawsh, f-featuwewess, and *blushes* wude, bawwenwy pewish: +Wook whom she best endowed, she gave thee m-mowe; +Which bounteous g-gift thou s-shouwdst in bounty *looks away* chewish: +She xDD cawved thee fow hew seaw, *sighs* and meant theweby, +Thou shouwdst pwint mowe, n-nyot wet that copy *cries* die. + + +12 +When I *pokes you* do count >_< the cwock that tewws the time, +And see the bwave d-day s-sunk in h-hideous nyight, +*shuffles closer* When I behowd ^.^ the viowet ^w^ past pwime, +And *cries* sabwe cuwws aww *leans over* siwvewed o'ew with white: +UwU When wofty twees I *moans* see bawwen of weaves, +Which ewst fwom heat did canyopy the x3 hewd +And *cuddles you* summew's >_< gween aww g-giwded up in sheaves +>_> Bownye on the biew with white and bwistwy beawd: +Then xDD of t-thy beauty do I q-question make +That thou among x3 the wastes of time must go, +S-Since sweets *looks away* and b-beauties do themsewves ^w^ fowsake, +And d-die as fast as they see *screams* othews gwow, +*teleports behind you* And nyothing 'gainst Time's scythe can make *shuffles closer* defence +Save bweed t-to *notices bulge* bwave him, when *notices bulge* he takes thee hence. + + +13 +O that you wewe *sighs* youw sewf, but wove y-you awe +Nyo wongew x3 youws, t-than you *looks at you* youw sewf hewe x3 wive, +Against t-this coming end you shouwd *cuddles you* pwepawe, +And youw sweet sembwance to some o-othew give. +OwO So shouwd that beauty which you howd *pokes you* in ^w^ wease +Find nyo detewminyation, :3 then you wewe +Youw s-sewf ^-^ again aftew youw sewf's decease, +When youw sweet issue youw sweet fowm shouwd >_> beaw. +Who w-wets so OwO faiw a house faww to decay, +Which husbandwy in honyouw might uphowd, +Against *looks away* the stowmy gusts of wintew's day +And bawwen w-wage of >w< death's etewnyaw cowd? +O nyonye but unthwifts, deaw my :33 wove ^-^ you knyow, +You h-had a fathew, wet youw son say so. + + +14 +N-Nyot fwom t-the s-staws do xDD I my judgement *screams* pwuck, +uWu And yet methinks I have astwonyomy, +But nyot to teww of good, ow eviw wuck, +O-Of pwagues, *sighs* of deawths, ow *looks at you* seasons' quawity, +Nyow can I fowtunye to bwief minyutes teww; +P-Pointing to each his thundew, wain and wind, +Ow say with p-pwinces if it shaww go weww +By oft pwedict that I in h-heaven find. +But fwom thinye *pokes you* eyes my knyowwedge I dewive, +And xDD constant staws in them I wead such ^-^ awt +*hugs tightly* As twuth and beauty s-shaww *pokes you* togethew UwU thwive +If *notices bulge* fwom >_< thy sewf, t-to stowe t-thou wouwdst *hugs tightly* convewt: +Ow ewse of thee this I pwognyosticate, +Thy end is t-twuth's and ^-^ beauty's doom and date. + + +15 +*leans over* When uWu I xDD considew evewy t-thing that gwows +Howds in pewfection but a wittwe OwO moment. +That this huge stage pwesenteth n-nyought but s-shows +Wheweon the staws *teleports behind you* in secwet infwuence comment. +W-When I pewceive that men as pwants incwease, +Cheewed and checked even b-by *cuddles you* the *teleports behind you* sewf-same sky: +Vaunt *looks away* in theiw youthfuw sap, at h-height *sighs* decwease, +And w-weaw >w< theiw bwave state >_< out of memowy. +Then the conceit of t-this inconstant stay, +Sets you most wich in youth befowe *shuffles closer* my sight, +Whewe wastefuw time d-debateth with d-decay +To change youw d-day of youth to s-suwwied nyight, +And aww in waw with Time fow wove of you, +As *leans over* he takes fwom you, I-I engwaft you nyew. + + +16 +But whewefowe do nyot you a mightiew way +Make waw upon this bwoody tywant Time? +And fowtify x3 youw sewf in youw decay +With means m-mowe bwessed than my :33 bawwen w-whyme? +Nyow stand y-you on the top of happy houws, +And many maiden gawdens yet unset, +With v-viwtuous wish wouwd beaw you wiving fwowews, +Much wikew than youw painted countewfeit: +So shouwd the uWu winyes of wife *sighs* that w-wife w-wepaiw +Which *cuddles you* this (Time's penciw) o-ow my p-pupiw pen +Nyeithew in inwawd wowth nyow outwawd faiw +*moans* Can *hugs tightly* make *giggles shyly* you wive youw sewf in eyes *hugs tightly* of men. +To give away y-youw sewf, keeps x3 youw sewf *notices bulge* stiww, +And you *twerks* must w-wive dwawn by youw *teleports behind you* own sweet skiww. + + +17 +Who wiww bewieve my vewse in time *cuddles you* to come +If it wewe f-fiwwed w-with youw most high desewts? +*notices bulge* Though yet heaven knyows it is but as a tomb +Which hides youw wife, and s-shows nyot >_> hawf youw pawts: +^.^ If I couwd w-wwite the beauty of youw e-eyes, +And in fwesh nyumbews nyumbew aww y-youw g-gwaces, +The age to come wouwd say this poet wies, +Such heavenwy touches n-nye'ew t-touched eawthwy faces. +So *twerks* shouwd my papews (yewwowed with theiw UwU age) +Be s-scownyed, wike >_< owd men o-of wess t-twuth than tongue, +And youw xDD twue wights be tewmed a poet's wage, +And stwetched metwe of a-an antique >_< song. +B-But wewe some chiwd of youws awive that time, +You s-shouwd wive twice OwO in it, and in my whyme. + + +1-18 +Shaww I compawe thee to a s-summew's day? +Thou a-awt m-mowe wovewy and mowe tempewate: +Wough winds d-do s-shake *pokes you* the dawwing buds of May, +And summew's wease hath aww *moans* too showt a-a ;;w;; date: +*sighs* Sometime too h-hot the eye of heaven shinyes, +And *giggles shyly* often is his gowd compwexion d-dimmed, +And *hugs tightly* evewy f-faiw fwom faiw sometime *looks at you* decwinyes, +By chance, ow nyatuwe's changing c-couwse untwimmed: +But t-thy etewnyaw summew shaww >w< nyot fade, +Nyow wose *pokes you* possession *shuffles closer* of that faiw thou ow'st, +Nyow *blushes* shaww d-death bwag thou wand'west in his shade, +When in *screams* etewnyaw OwO winyes to time thou gwow'st, +S-So wong a-as men can b-bweathe o-ow eyes can see, +So wong wives this, and t-this gives wife to thee. + + +19 +Devouwing Time bwunt thou the w-wion's p-paws, +And make the e-eawth devouw hew own s-sweet *moans* bwood, +Pwuck the keen teeth *twerks* fwom the fiewce tigew's jaws, +And buwn >_< the wong-wived phoenyix, in xDD hew bwood, +Make gwad and sowwy seasons as thou fweet'st, +And do whate'ew t-thou wiwt swift-footed Time +To the *pokes you* wide *shuffles closer* wowwd and aww h-hew fading ^-^ sweets: +B-But *moans* I fowbid thee onye most heinyous c-cwime, +O c-cawve *blushes* nyot *sweats* with thy houws my wove's faiw bwow, +Nyow d-dwaw *sweats* nyo winyes t-thewe with thinye antique pen, +Him in *leans over* thy couwse *leans over* untainted do awwow, +Fow beauty's *giggles shyly* pattewn to succeeding men. +Yet do thy wowst owd Time: despite thy wwong, +My w-wove shaww in my vewse evew wive young. + + +20 +*teleports behind you* A woman's face UwU with nyatuwe's o-own hand painted, +H-Hast thou *giggles shyly* the mastew mistwess o-of my xDD passion, +A woman's gentwe heawt b-but nyot acquainted +With shifting change a-as *cuddles you* is f-fawse women's fashion, +An eye mowe bwight t-than theiws, wess fawse in wowwing: +Giwding the object w-wheweupon it gazeth, +A man in hue aww UwU hues in his contwowwing, +*looks at you* Which steaws men's eyes and women's souws amazeth. +And fow *notices bulge* a woman wewt thou fiwst cweated, +^w^ Tiww nyatuwe as she wwought thee feww *looks away* a-doting, +And by addition me of thee d-defeated, +By adding onye thing to my puwpose OwO nyothing. +But since she pwicked *screams* thee out fow women's p-pweasuwe, +Minye be thy wove and thy wove's use theiw tweasuwe. + + +21 +So is *pokes you* it nyot with me as with that muse, +*pokes you* Stiwwed by a painted beauty to his vewse, +*sweats* Who heaven i-it s-sewf *cries* fow ownyament doth use, +:33 And evewy f-faiw with his faiw doth weheawse, +UwU Making a-a c-coupwement of pwoud uWu compawe +*leans over* With *looks at you* sun *twerks* and moon, with eawth a-and *teleports behind you* sea's w-wich gems: +With Apwiw's fiwst-bown fwowews and aww things wawe, +That heaven's aiw in this huge wonduwe hems. +O wet me twue i-in wove b-but t-twuwy wwite, +And then bewieve me, m-my wove i-is as faiw, +As any mothew's chiwd, though n-nyot so *cuddles you* bwight +As t-those gowd c-candwes fixed in *cries* heaven's a-aiw: +*sighs* Wet them say mowe *notices bulge* that >w< wike of heawsay weww, +I wiww nyot pwaise that p-puwpose nyot to seww. + + +*blushes* 22 +My ^-^ gwass shaww nyot pewsuade me I am owd, +So wong as youth and *sighs* thou awe of onye *giggles shyly* date, +But w-when in :3 thee time's fuwwows I behowd, +Then wook I death my *sighs* days shouwd e-expiate. +Fow aww that beauty that *moans* doth covew thee, +Is but the seemwy waiment of my UwU heawt, +W-Which in thy >_> bweast doth wive, as thinye in me, +x3 How >w< can >w< I t-then be ewdew than thou *looks at you* awt? +O thewefowe wove be of thysewf so wawy, +As I nyot fow my sewf, but fow x3 thee wiww, +Beawing thy heawt which I w-wiww keep so chawy +As tendew nyuwse >_< hew babe ^-^ fwom fawing iww. +Pwesume nyot *twerks* on thy heawt w-when minye is swain, +Thou gav'st me thinye *teleports behind you* nyot t-to give back again. + + +23 +As an unpewfect actow on the stage, +Who with his f-feaw *sweats* is put beside h-his pawt, +Ow some fiewce thing wepwete with too much *blushes* wage, +W-Whose stwength's *giggles shyly* abundance *looks away* weakens his own heawt; +So *moans* I f-fow feaw o-of twust, fowget to say, +The *blushes* pewfect *hugs tightly* cewemony of wove's wite, +And in minye own wove's stwength s-seem to decay, +O'ewchawged with buwthen *blushes* of *notices bulge* minye own w-wove's m-might: +O w-wet my wooks :3 be then the *looks away* ewoquence, +And dumb pwesagews of m-my speaking bweast, +Who pwead fow wove, and wook fow wecompense, +*hugs tightly* Mowe than that tongue that mowe hath mowe expwessed. +*sweats* O ;;w;; weawn to wead what siwent *sighs* wove h-hath wwit, +To heaw with *twerks* eyes bewongs to wove's >_> finye wit. + + +24 +Minye eye hath pwayed >_< the paintew and hath stewwed, +Thy beauty's fowm in tabwe :3 of my heawt, +My body is the fwame whewein ^w^ 'tis hewd, +And pewspective it is best paintew's awt. +Fow thwough the paintew must you see his skiww, +To find whewe youw twue image p-pictuwed wies, +Which i-in my bosom's *looks at you* shop is hanging stiww, +That hath his windows gwazed with t-thinye eyes: +:3 Nyow s-see what good t-tuwns *cuddles you* eyes fow eyes h-have donye, +Minye *cries* eyes have *looks away* dwawn thy shape, and thinye fow me +Awe windows to my b-bweast, whewe-thwough the sun +Dewights to :3 peep, *cries* to gaze thewein o-on thee; +*hugs tightly* Yet eyes this cunnying want t-to ^-^ gwace ^-^ theiw awt, +They dwaw but w-what they see, knyow nyot the heawt. + + +2-25 +Wet those w-who awe in favouw with t-theiw staws, +Of pubwic honyouw and pwoud t-titwes boast, +Whiwst I whom fowtunye of such t-twiumph baws +Unwooked fow joy in that I honyouw most; +G-Gweat pwinces' favouwites theiw faiw weaves s-spwead, +*sighs* But as the mawigowd at the sun's *looks away* eye, +And in t-themsewves theiw pwide w-wies buwied, +Fow at a fwown they in theiw gwowy d-die. +The painfuw wawwiow famoused fow fight, +Aftew a thousand victowies once foiwed, +Is fwom the book of ^.^ honyouw wazed quite, +*pokes you* And a-aww the w-west *twerks* fowgot fow which he toiwed: +Then happy I that wove and am bewoved +W-Whewe I may *cuddles you* nyot wemove nyow be wemoved. + + +2-26 +Wowd of my wove, to *notices bulge* whom in *sweats* vassawage +Thy *hugs tightly* mewit hath my duty stwongwy knyit; +To x3 thee I s-send this wwitten embassage +T-To >_> witnyess d-duty, nyot to show my wit. +Duty so gweat, which wit so poow as *teleports behind you* minye +May make s-seem bawe, in wanting wowds to show it; +But *sweats* that I hope some good conceit ^.^ of thinye +In t-thy souw's *looks away* thought >_> (aww nyaked) wiww bestow it: +Tiww whatsoevew s-staw that guides my moving, +Points on me gwaciouswy with faiw aspect, +And puts appawew *sweats* on my tattewed woving, +To show me wowthy of thy s-sweet wespect, +^.^ Then may I dawe to boast how I do wove thee, +Tiww t-then, nyot show my head whewe thou mayst pwove me. + + +27 +Weawy with toiw, I haste m-me to m-my bed, +UwU The deaw w-wespose fow wimbs with twavew tiwed, +But :3 then b-begins a jouwnyey in my head +To w-wowk my mind, when body's w-wowk's expiwed. +Fow then my t-thoughts (fwom faw w-whewe I-I abide) +Intend a zeawous piwgwimage to thee, +And keep my dwooping eyewids open w-wide, +Wooking on dawknyess which the bwind do see. +Save t-that my souw's imaginyawy sight +*cuddles you* Pwesents thy shadow to my sightwess view, +^-^ Which w-wike *hugs tightly* a *leans over* jewew (hung *hugs tightly* in ghastwy nyight) +Makes bwack nyight beauteous, and hew owd f-face nyew. +W-Wo thus by day my w-wimbs, by nyight my mind, +Fow thee, *twerks* and fow my s-sewf, nyo *blushes* quiet find. + + +28 +How *shuffles closer* can I-I then wetuwn in UwU happy pwight +That am debawwed the :3 benyefit o-of west? +When day's oppwession is nyot eased by nyight, +But *blushes* day by nyight and nyight by *sweats* day oppwessed. +^.^ And each (though enyemies to eithew's weign) +Do in c-consent shake hands to towtuwe me, +The onye by toiw, the othew to compwain +How faw I toiw, s-stiww f-fawthew off fwom thee. +I xDD teww the day t-to :33 pwease him thou awt bwight, +And dost him ;;w;; gwace when cwouds do bwot the *teleports behind you* heaven: +So fwattew I t-the swawt-compwexionyed n-nyight, +When spawkwing staws *notices bulge* twiwe ^.^ nyot t-thou giwd'st the even. +But day doth daiwy dwaw my sowwows wongew, +And nyight x3 doth nyightwy m-make gwief's wength seem stwongew + + +*leans over* 29 +When in disgwace with Fowtunye and men's eyes, +I aww awonye beweep my outcast s-state, +And twoubwe deaf heaven with m-my bootwess cwies, +And wook upon m-my sewf and cuwse my *notices bulge* fate, +Wishing me w-wike to onye mowe w-wich in *pokes you* hope, +xDD Featuwed wike him, wike uWu him with fwiends *moans* possessed, +D-Desiwing this man's awt, and that man's scope, +W-With what I most e-enjoy contented w-weast, +Yet in *blushes* these thoughts >_> my sewf awmost despising, +Hapwy I think on t-thee, and then my state, +(Wike to the wawk at bweak of day a-awising +Fwom suwwen eawth) sings *sighs* hymns at heaven's gate, +*hugs tightly* Fow thy s-sweet wove wemembewed such *hugs tightly* weawth :33 bwings, +>_< That t-then I scown to change :3 my state *leans over* with UwU kings. + + +30 +>_> When to the sessions of sweet siwent thought, +I summon up wemembwance of x3 things past, +I sigh the wack of many a-a thing I-I sought, +A-And *moans* with owd woes nyew waiw m-my deaw time's waste: +Then can *sweats* I dwown an eye :33 (unyused to fwow) +Fow *looks at you* pwecious fwiends hid in death's datewess nyight, +And weep afwesh wove's wong s-since cancewwed uWu woe, +And moan *teleports behind you* th' expense of many a vanyished s-sight. +Then can I gwieve *sweats* at gwievances fowegonye, +And *leans over* heaviwy fwom woe t-to woe teww o'ew +The sad account of *sighs* fowe-bemoanyed moan, +Which I-I nyew *pokes you* pay *shuffles closer* as if :33 nyot paid befowe. +B-But i-if the whiwe I t-think on thee (deaw fwiend) +*giggles shyly* Aww wosses awe westowed, and sowwows *hugs tightly* end. + + +31 +Thy bosom is endeawed with aww heawts, +Which I by wacking have supposed dead, +And thewe weigns wove and aww wove's woving pawts, +*cries* And aww those f-fwiends which I t-thought buwied. +How m-many a h-howy and obsequious :33 teaw +Hath deaw wewigious w-wove stow'n fwom m-minye eye, +A-As intewest of the dead, which nyow *cuddles you* appeaw, +But things wemoved that hidden i-in thee wie. +;;w;; Thou awt the gwave whewe buwied wove doth wive, +*screams* Hung with the twophies of my wovews gonye, +Who aww theiw pawts of UwU me to t-thee did give, +*shuffles closer* That *sweats* due of many, n-nyow is thinye awonye. +Theiw i-images I woved, I view in uWu thee, +*pokes you* And thou (aww t-they) hast aww t-the aww of me. + + +32 +If t-thou suwvive my w-weww-contented day, +When that chuww death my bonyes *moans* with dust shaww covew +And shawt by fowtunye o-once mowe we-suwvey +These *leans over* poow w-wude winyes of thy deceased wovew: +Compawe them with the *pokes you* bett'wing of the time, +And though they be :3 outstwipped by evewy pen, +Wesewve them fow my wove, nyot f-fow :3 theiw whyme, +Exceeded by xDD the height of happiew men. +O then *moans* vouchsafe me but this woving thought, +'Had my fwiend's Muse gwown *sighs* with this gwowing age, +A deawew biwth than this his wove had *twerks* bwought +To xDD mawch in wanks of bettew e-equipage: +But since he died and poets bettew p-pwove, +T-Theiws f-fow theiw stywe *screams* I'ww wead, his fow *screams* his wove'. + + +33 +Fuww *pokes you* many a gwowious mownying have I seen, +F-Fwattew the mountain *blushes* tops *shuffles closer* with soveweign eye, +Kissing w-with gowden >w< face the meadows gween; +Giwding pawe stweams with heavenwy awchemy: +Anyon pewmit the basest cwouds t-to wide, +With ugwy *screams* wack o-on his cewestiaw face, +And f-fwom the *leans over* fowwown wowwd his visage hide +Steawing ^-^ unseen to *screams* west with this disgwace: +*shuffles closer* Even so my sun onye eawwy mown did shinye, +With aww twiumphant spwendouw o-on *hugs tightly* my bwow, +But out awack, he *teleports behind you* was b-but onye *screams* houw minye, +The wegion cwoud hath m-masked him fwom me n-nyow. +Yet *cries* him fow this, my wove nyo whit disdainyeth, +Suns xDD of the wowwd may *looks away* stain, when heaven's sun stainyeth. + + +34 +Why didst t-thou ;;w;; pwomise such a beauteous day, +And make *looks away* me *blushes* twavew f-fowth without my ^w^ cwoak, +To wet base cwouds o'ewtake *cuddles you* me i-in *giggles shyly* my way, +Hiding thy bwav'wy i-in theiw wotten smoke? +'Tis nyot enyough that *hugs tightly* thwough the cwoud thou bweak, +To *cries* dwy the wain on my stowm-beaten face, +Fow nyo man weww of *sweats* such a sawve *cries* can speak, +T-That heaws *hugs tightly* the wound, and cuwes nyot t-the disgwace: +Nyow *looks away* can thy *twerks* shame UwU give physic to my gwief, +T-Though thou wepent, *pokes you* yet I have s-stiww *pokes you* the woss, +Th' offendew's sowwow wends but weak wewief +T-To ;;w;; him that xDD beaws the stwong UwU offence's cwoss. +Ah but those teaws awe peaww which thy w-wove sheds, +And they awe *notices bulge* wich, and wansom a-aww iww deeds. + + +35 +N-Nyo mowe *looks at you* be *sweats* gwieved at that *notices bulge* which thou hast donye, +:33 Woses have thowns, and siwvew fountains mud, +Cwouds :33 and ecwipses stain >w< both m-moon and sun, +And woathsome cankew wives in sweetest bud. +Aww men make *moans* fauwts, *pokes you* and even I in this, +*pokes you* Authowizing t-thy twespass with compawe, +My uWu sewf cowwupting sawving thy amiss, +:3 Excusing thy sins m-mowe than thy sins a-awe: +*cries* Fow to *cuddles you* thy sensuaw fauwt I bwing in sense, +Thy advewse pawty is thy advocate, +And 'gainst *looks away* my *sighs* sewf a x3 wawfuw pwea *looks away* commence: +Such civiw waw is in my w-wove and hate, +That I an accessawy nyeeds must be, +To that ^-^ sweet thief which souwwy wobs fwom me. + + +36 +Wet me confess that we two must be twain, +A-Awthough ouw undivided woves awe *sweats* onye: +So *teleports behind you* shaww those bwots that do with me wemain, +*pokes you* Without thy hewp, b-by me b-be bownye awonye. +In ouw two woves thewe is but onye wespect, +Though in ouw wives *shuffles closer* a sepawabwe spite, +Which though it awtew n-nyot ^.^ wove's s-sowe e-effect, +Yet doth it steaw ;;w;; sweet *looks at you* houws *hugs tightly* fwom wove's dewight. +I may UwU nyot evewmowe acknyowwedge thee, +West my bewaiwed g-guiwt s-shouwd do thee shame, +Nyow thou >_> with uWu pubwic k-kindnyess honyouw me, +Unwess thou take that honyouw fwom thy *leans over* nyame: +But do n-nyot s-so, I wove thee in such *cries* sowt, +As t-thou being m-minye, minye is t-thy good wepowt. + + +37 +As a decwepit fathew *pokes you* takes *sweats* dewight, +To *blushes* see h-his active chiwd do deeds of youth, +^.^ So I, made wame b-by Fowtunye's deawest xDD spite +Take aww my comfowt ^w^ of *blushes* thy wowth and twuth. +Fow *shuffles closer* whethew beauty, *looks at you* biwth, ow weawth, ow *screams* wit, +Ow any of ;;w;; these aww, ow *blushes* aww, ow mowe +Entitwed in thy p-pawts, do cwownyed sit, +I m-make my w-wove engwafted to this stowe: +So then I-I am nyot wame, p-poow, nyow d-despised, +W-Whiwst that this shadow doth such substance *looks away* give, +That I i-in t-thy abundance a-am sufficed, +And by *looks at you* a pawt *moans* of aww thy g-gwowy wive: +Wook what is best, t-that best I w-wish in thee, +x3 This wish I have, then ten times happy me. + + +38 +How can my m-muse want subject to invent +W-Whiwe thou dost bweathe t-that pouw'st into x3 my *looks at you* vewse, +Thinye own sweet awgument, uWu too e-excewwent, +Fow evewy *twerks* vuwgaw papew to weheawse? +O-O give thy sewf the thanks if aught in me, +Wowthy pewusaw s-stand against thy s-sight, +Fow who's s-so *hugs tightly* dumb that c-cannyot wwite to thee, +*looks at you* When thou thy sewf dost g-give invention wight? +*leans over* Be thou *looks at you* the tenth Muse, xDD ten times mowe in wowth +OwO Than those owd nyinye which whymews invocate, +And he t-that xDD cawws on thee, wet him bwing fowth +Etewnyaw nyumbews to *notices bulge* outwive wong date. +If my swight *sighs* muse UwU do :3 pwease these cuwious days, +The pain be minye, but thinye shaww be the pwaise. + + +39 +O how thy wowth *twerks* with mannyews may I sing, +When *sweats* thou awt aww the bettew pawt UwU of m-me? +What can minye own pwaise to minye own sewf *sweats* bwing: +UwU And what is't but minye ^-^ own w-when ^w^ I pwaise thee? +Even fow t-this, >_< wet us divided wive, +>_< And o-ouw deaw wove wose nyame of :3 singwe onye, +That by this s-sepawation I may :3 give: +*pokes you* That d-due to thee which t-thou desewv'st awonye: +*notices bulge* O absence what a towment wouwdst thou pwove, +*giggles shyly* Wewe *notices bulge* it nyot thy souw w-weisuwe gave sweet *twerks* weave, +To e-entewtain the time with *leans over* thoughts of *giggles shyly* wove, +Which :33 time and thoughts s-so sweetwy doth deceive. +And that thou *leans over* teachest how to make o-onye *shuffles closer* twain, +By pwaising him hewe w-who *cries* doth hence wemain. + + +40 +Take aww *cuddles you* my w-woves, >_< my wove, yea t-take them a-aww, +What hast thou then mowe t-than *twerks* thou hadst befowe? +*giggles shyly* Nyo wove, *moans* my wove, that thou mayst twue wove caww, +Aww >_< minye was thinye, befowe thou hadst this mowe: +Then i-if fow my :33 wove, thou m-my wove weceivest, +I *sighs* cannyot bwame thee, f-fow my w-wove thou usest, +But yet b-be bwamed, if thou thy sewf deceivest +By wiwfuw taste of what *notices bulge* thy s-sewf wefusest. +*teleports behind you* I do fowgive xDD thy *looks away* wobbewy gentwe thief +^w^ Awthough thou xDD steaw *notices bulge* thee aww my p-povewty: +:3 And yet wove knyows xDD it is a gweatew gwief +To beaw gweatew wwong, than hate's knyown injuwy. +W-Wascivious gwace, in whom aww iww w-weww shows, +Kiww ^.^ me with spites yet we must nyot *teleports behind you* be foes. + + +4-41 +Those :33 pwetty wwongs that wibewty commits, +W-When I am sometime absent f-fwom thy h-heawt, +Thy beauty, *teleports behind you* and thy yeaws f-fuww weww b-befits, +Fow stiww temptation fowwows whewe thou awt. +Gentwe thou awt, and thewefowe to be won, +Beauteous thou awt, thewefowe *shuffles closer* to be assaiwed. +And w-when a woman woos, what woman's son, +Wiww souwwy weave hew tiww *leans over* he have pwevaiwed? +Ay me, but yet thou mightst *looks away* my seat *screams* fowbeaw, +And chide *blushes* thy beauty, and thy stwaying youth, +Who *sighs* wead thee in theiw wiot even thewe +Whewe ^-^ thou a-awt fowced to bweak a *sweats* twofowd twuth: +Hews by thy beauty tempting *twerks* hew xDD to thee, +Thinye by *blushes* thy beauty being fawse to me. + + +42 +That thou hast hew it is nyot aww my g-gwief, +And yet it m-may be said *cries* I woved ^w^ hew deawwy, +That she hath t-thee is of m-my waiwing chief, +A woss in wove t-that touches me *pokes you* mowe n-nyeawwy. +W-Woving offendews thus I ^w^ wiww excuse ye, +Thou dost wove h-hew, because t-thou *looks away* knyow'st I-I wove ^w^ hew, +And f-fow my sake even so *blushes* doth she ^-^ abuse me, +*teleports behind you* Suff'wing my fwiend fow my sake to appwove hew. +If *shuffles closer* I wose x3 thee, my woss is my wove's gain, +And wosing hew, my f-fwiend hath found that woss, +Both find each *shuffles closer* othew, and I wose both twain, +:33 And b-both fow my sake way o-on me this c-cwoss, +But hewe's the joy, my f-fwiend and I awe onye, +S-Sweet fwattewy, then she *twerks* woves but me *looks at you* awonye. + + +43 +W-When most I wink then do m-minye eyes best see, +Fow a-aww *blushes* the day they view things unwespected, +>_< But when I *leans over* sweep, in dweams they wook on *moans* thee, +*twerks* And dawkwy bwight, awe bwight in *shuffles closer* dawk OwO diwected. +^w^ Then thou *leans over* whose ^-^ shadow shadows doth make bwight +How w-wouwd *looks away* thy shadow's fowm, >_< fowm *moans* happy show, +To the cweaw day with thy much cweawew wight, +When to u-unseeing eyes thy shade shinyes so! +How wouwd (I say) m-minye eyes be bwessed made, +B-By wooking on t-thee in the wiving day, +When in >_< dead nyight thy f-faiw impewfect s-shade, +Thwough heavy sweep on sightwess eyes doth s-stay! +Aww days awe *giggles shyly* nyights to see tiww I see thee, +And nyights bwight days when d-dweams do show thee me. + + +44 +If the duww substance of my fwesh *cuddles you* wewe :3 thought, +Injuwious distance shouwd n-nyot stop my w-way, +Fow then despite of space I wouwd ;;w;; be *looks at you* bwought, +Fwom wimits faw wemote, w-whewe thou dost stay, +*hugs tightly* Nyo mattew then a-awthough my foot did s-stand +*sighs* Upon t-the fawthest eawth wemoved fwom thee, +Fow nyimbwe thought can >w< jump both sea and wand, +As s-soon as think the pwace whewe he wouwd be. +But :3 ah, t-thought kiwws me t-that I-I am nyot thought +To weap wawge wengths of m-miwes when *shuffles closer* thou awt gonye, +But that so *looks at you* much of xDD eawth and watew *teleports behind you* wwought, +I-I must a-attend, time's weisuwe with my moan. +W-Weceiving n-nyought by *screams* ewements so swow, +OwO But h-heavy teaws, badges of eithew's woe. + + +45 +The o-othew two, swight aiw, and p-puwging fiwe, +*hugs tightly* Awe UwU both *screams* with t-thee, whewevew I abide, +T-The *leans over* fiwst my thought, the othew my desiwe, +These pwesent-absent with swift motion swide. +Fow ^w^ when these q-quickew ewements *cuddles you* awe g-gonye +In tendew embassy of wove to t-thee, +My *cries* wife being *cries* made of fouw, w-with two ;;w;; awonye, +*sighs* Sinks down to death, OwO oppwessed with ;;w;; mewanchowy. +U-Untiw wife's composition b-be >_> wecuwed, +By those swift messengews OwO wetuwnyed f-fwom thee, +Who even *teleports behind you* but n-nyow come back again assuwed, +Of thy *cries* faiw h-heawth, wecounting it t-to me. +This towd, I joy, *pokes you* but t-then nyo wongew gwad, +I send t-them back again and stwaight gwow sad. + + +46 +Minye eye and heawt *looks at you* awe at a mowtaw w-waw, +*leans over* How to divide the conquest *blushes* of thy sight, +Minye eye, my heawt thy pictuwe's sight wouwd baw, +*hugs tightly* My *leans over* heawt, *blushes* minye eye the fweedom of that ^.^ wight, +My heawt doth pwead that thou in *giggles shyly* him dost wie, +(A c-cwoset n-nyevew p-piewced with c-cwystaw eyes) +But the defendant doth that pwea deny, +And says in him thy faiw appeawance wies. +To *shuffles closer* side this t-titwe is impanyewwed +A quest of thoughts, aww *blushes* tenyants to *cuddles you* the heawt, +>_> And by theiw vewdict is detewminyed +The cweaw e-eye's moiety, and the deaw heawt's pawt. +As thus, minye eye's due is thy outwawd pawt, +A-And m-my heawt's wight, thy inwawd wove o-of heawt. + + +4-47 +*blushes* Betwixt minye eye *leans over* and heawt a w-weague is took, +And *hugs tightly* each >_> doth good tuwns nyow unto the othew, +When that minye eye i-is famished *sighs* fow >_< a *notices bulge* wook, +Ow h-heawt in wove with sighs himsewf doth smothew; +With my wove's p-pictuwe then my eye doth :3 feast, +And to t-the painted banquet *hugs tightly* bids my h-heawt: +Anyothew *moans* time minye eye is my heawt's *sighs* guest, +And in his t-thoughts of w-wove doth shawe a ;;w;; pawt. +*notices bulge* So eithew by thy pictuwe ow m-my wove, +T-Thy sewf away, awt pwesent stiww with me, +Fow thou nyot f-fawthew than my thoughts canst move, +And I am stiww with them, and they with thee. +Ow if they sweep, *notices bulge* thy pictuwe in m-my sight +Awakes my heawt, to heawt's and *looks away* eye's dewight. + + +*blushes* 48 +How >w< cawefuw was I when I took m-my way, +Each twifwe *cries* undew twuest baws to thwust, +That to my *sweats* use it might unyused stay +*teleports behind you* Fwom hands of fawsehood, in suwe wawds of twust! +But thou, to whom my jewews uWu twifwes awe, +M-Most wowthy comfowt, nyow *shuffles closer* my gweatest *sighs* gwief, +Thou b-best of deawest, a-and minye onwy cawe, +Awt weft the OwO pwey of e-evewy ;;w;; vuwgaw thief. +Thee have I nyot wocked *giggles shyly* up in any chest, +Save whewe thou *twerks* awt nyot, though ^-^ I feew *sweats* thou awt, +Within *twerks* the gentwe cwosuwe of my bweast, +Fwom w-whence at p-pweasuwe *notices bulge* thou mayst come and pawt, +And even thence t-thou ^.^ wiwt be stow'n I feaw, +Fow twuth pwoves *looks away* thievish fow a pwize so deaw. + + +49 +Against t-that time (if evew t-that time come) +When I shaww *moans* see thee fwown on my defects, +When *looks at you* as thy wove hath cast his utmost sum, +Cawwed to >_< that *sighs* audit by advised xDD wespects, +Against that ^.^ time w-when thou shawt stwangewy pass, +A-And scawcewy gweet me with that sun thinye eye, +*giggles shyly* When w-wove convewted *looks away* fwom OwO the ;;w;; thing it was +Shaww weasons find of settwed gwavity; +Against that t-time do I *looks away* ensconce me hewe +Within the k-knyowwedge *cries* of minye own desewt, +And this my hand, against my sewf upweaw, +To guawd the wawfuw weasons on thy pawt, +To weave poow me, thou hast the stwength of waws, +Since why to wove, I can awwege n-nyo ^-^ cause. + + +uWu 50 +How heavy do I jouwnyey on the way, +When what I seek (-(my weawy twavew's end) +Doth teach *shuffles closer* that case and that wepose ^.^ to say +'Thus faw the miwes *screams* awe measuwed fwom thy fwiend.' +The beast t-that b-beaws me, tiwed with my woe, +P-Pwods duwwy on, t-to beaw that weight in me, +uWu As if b-by some *hugs tightly* instinct the wwetch did knyow +His w-widew woved nyot speed being made *cries* fwom t-thee: +The bwoody spuw c-cannyot pwovoke him on, +That sometimes angew thwusts OwO into his hide, +Which heaviwy he answews with a gwoan, +>w< Mowe shawp *cuddles you* to *shuffles closer* me than spuwwing to his side, +Fow t-that same gwoan doth put this in my mind, +My gwief wies onwawd and my joy behind. + + +51 +Thus can m-my :3 wove excuse the swow *twerks* offence, +^w^ Of my duww beawew, when >_> fwom thee >_< I speed, +Fwom *teleports behind you* whewe thou awt, w-why shouwd I haste me thence? +Tiww I w-wetuwn o-of *sweats* posting is nyo nyeed. +O what excuse *giggles shyly* wiww my poow beast then find, +*giggles shyly* When swift extwemity can seem but >w< swow? +Then shouwd I s-spuw t-though mounted on the wind, +In winged speed nyo motion s-shaww I knyow, +*moans* Then OwO can nyo howse with my *cuddles you* desiwe keep *looks at you* pace, +Thewefowe desiwe (of p-pewfect'st wove being *screams* made) +Shaww nyeigh ^w^ (nyo duww fwesh) in *giggles shyly* his fiewy wace, +But *leans over* wove, fow wove, *sighs* thus shaww *leans over* excuse m-my jade, +Since fwom thee g-going, he *cries* went wiwfuw-swow, +Towawds t-thee I'ww wun, a-and g-give him weave to go. + + +5-52 +So am I as the wich ;;w;; whose bwessed key, +Can b-bwing him to his sweet up-wocked tweasuwe, +>w< The w-which he wiww nyot *hugs tightly* evewy houw suwvey, +Fow bwunting the finye point of sewdom pweasuwe. +OwO Thewefowe *teleports behind you* awe f-feasts so sowemn and so *blushes* wawe, +Since sewdom coming in that *blushes* wong yeaw *notices bulge* set, +Wike stonyes of wowth t-they thinwy *looks away* pwaced awe, +Ow :33 captain jewews in the cawcanyet. +xDD So :33 is the time that keeps you as my chest +O-Ow as t-the wawdwobe which the wobe doth h-hide, +T-To m-make some speciaw instant speciaw-bwest, +By nyew unfowding *screams* his impwisonyed pwide. +Bwessed awe you *notices bulge* whose wowthinyess gives scope, +Being h-had >_< to twiumph, being wacked to hope. + + +53 +What is youw substance, wheweof a-awe *notices bulge* you m-made, +That miwwions o-of s-stwange shadows on *looks away* you tend? +Since evewy onye, hath evewy onye, onye s-shade, +And you but onye, can >_< evewy shadow wend: +D-Descwibe Adonyis and t-the countewfeit, +Is poowwy imitated *looks away* aftew you, +*looks away* On Hewen's cheek a-aww awt of beauty set, +And you in Gwecian tiwes awe p-painted nyew: +Speak of the spwing, and foison *moans* of the y-yeaw, +The onye doth shadow of youw beauty show, +The othew as youw bounty *cries* doth appeaw, +And you in evewy bwessed shape we knyow. +In aww e-extewnyaw gwace you have some pawt, +But you *sweats* wike nyonye, *cuddles you* nyonye you fow c-constant h-heawt. + + +54 +O h-how m-much mowe doth b-beauty b-beauteous seem, +By that *pokes you* sweet ownyament which t-twuth doth give! +*teleports behind you* The wose wooks faiw, but faiwew we it d-deem +Fow xDD that s-sweet odouw, which doth in it *leans over* wive: +The cankew b-bwooms have uWu fuww x3 as *blushes* deep *pokes you* a dye, +As the pewfumed t-tinctuwe of the woses, +Hang on such thowns, and pway as wantonwy, +When summew's bweath ^.^ theiw masked buds discwoses: +But fow *sweats* theiw viwtue o-onwy is theiw show, +They w-wive unwooed, and unwespected fade, +Die to *sweats* themsewves. Sweet woses do nyot so, +Of theiw sweet deaths, *hugs tightly* awe sweetest odouws *sweats* made: +A-And so of you, beauteous and wovewy y-youth, +When that s-shaww v-vade, by vewse distiwws y-youw t-twuth. + + +55 +Nyot m-mawbwe, *cuddles you* nyow the giwded monyuments +*cuddles you* Of pwinces shaww o-outwive this powewfuw w-whyme, +But you shaww shinye mowe bwight in these contents +*notices bulge* Than unswept stonye, b-besmeawed with swuttish t-time. +When wastefuw waw s-shaww statues ovewtuwn, +And bwoiws woot out the wowk of masonwy, +N-Nyow *sweats* Maws h-his swowd, nyow waw's quick fiwe shaww b-buwn: +T-The wiving wecowd of youw memowy. +'Gainst death, and aww-obwivious enmity +S-Shaww you xDD pace fowth, youw pwaise shaww stiww find woom, +Even in the :33 eyes of aww postewity +That weaw this w-wowwd out to the ending doom. +So *moans* tiww *cuddles you* the judgment that youw sewf awise, +You wive in this, and dweww in wovews' eyes. + + +56 +Sweet wove wenyew thy fowce, be it *teleports behind you* nyot ;;w;; said +Thy edge shouwd bwuntew be than appetite, +Which but to-day by feeding i-is awwayed, +To-mowwow shawpenyed in his fowmew might. +So *cries* wove be t-thou, awthough to-day t-thou f-fiww +Thy hungwy eyes, >_> even tiww they wink with fuwnyess, +To-mowwow see again, and do n-nyot kiww +The spiwit of w-wove, with a p-pewpetuaw duwnyess: +Wet this >_< sad intewim w-wike the UwU ocean be +Which pawts the showe, whewe two contwacted nyew, +Come :33 daiwy to t-the banks, t-that when *pokes you* they *notices bulge* see: +Wetuwn of wove, *looks at you* mowe bwest may be the v-view. +O-Ow caww ;;w;; it wintew, *hugs tightly* which b-being fuww of cawe, +Makes summew's wewcome, thwice mowe wished, *notices bulge* mowe wawe. + + +57 +Being y-youw swave what shouwd I do *sighs* but *leans over* tend, +U-Upon t-the houws, and times of youw d-desiwe? +I have nyo p-pwecious time at aww to *leans over* spend; +*sweats* Nyow sewvices *notices bulge* to *cuddles you* do tiww you wequiwe. +Nyow dawe *pokes you* I chide t-the w-wowwd-without-end houw, +Whiwst I (my s-soveweign) w-watch the cwock fow you, +Nyow think the b-bittewnyess of absence *hugs tightly* souw, +When *leans over* you have b-bid youw sewvant ^-^ once adieu. +*cuddles you* Nyow :3 dawe I question with my jeawous uWu thought, +Whewe you *screams* may be, ow youw affaiws :33 suppose, +But wike a sad swave stay and think of nyought +Save >_< whewe you awe, how happy you make those. +*looks at you* So twue a foow is wove, t-that *sweats* in youw wiww, +(Though you *sighs* do a-any t-thing) he thinks nyo iww. + + +58 +*looks away* That *leans over* god fowbid, that made *cries* me fiwst *twerks* youw swave, +I shouwd in thought contwow youw times of pweasuwe, +*cuddles you* Ow at y-youw hand th' account o-of h-houws to c-cwave, +:3 Being youw vassaw bound to s-stay youw *looks at you* weisuwe. +O wet me suffew (being at youw beck) +Th' impwisonyed absence of *cries* youw wibewty, +And patience tame to suffewance bide each *cuddles you* check, +Without accusing you of injuwy. +Be whewe you *cuddles you* wist, ^.^ youw chawtew >_> is so stwong, +That you youw sewf *sighs* may p-pwiviwage youw t-time +To what you wiww, to ^w^ you *cries* it doth b-bewong, +Youw sewf *notices bulge* to pawdon of s-sewf-doing cwime. +I am to wait, t-though waiting so *sighs* be heww, +Nyot bwame youw pweasuwe be it iww ow weww. + + +59 +If thewe be n-nyothing nyew, but that which is, +H-Hath *leans over* been befowe, >_> how awe ouw x3 bwains beguiwed, +Which *sweats* wabouwing fow invention beaw amis +The second buwthen of *looks away* a fowmew chiwd! +*sweats* O t-that wecowd couwd with >_< a backwawd wook, +Even of five hundwed c-couwses x3 of OwO the sun, +Show *blushes* me youw image in some antique book, +Since >_> mind at fiwst in chawactew was donye. +That I might see what the ^-^ owd wowwd couwd say, +*twerks* To t-this composed wondew of youw fwame, +Whethew we awe mended, ^.^ ow whethew bettew they, +Ow w-whethew w-wevowution be the same. +O suwe I am t-the wits of fowmew days, +To subjects wowse ;;w;; have given admiwing pwaise. + + +60 +Wike as the w-waves make t-towawds the pebbwed showe, +*notices bulge* So do ouw *looks at you* minyutes *looks away* hasten to t-theiw end, +Each changing pwace with that which goes b-befowe, +In sequent toiw a-aww fowwawds *leans over* do contend. +Nyativity once in the main of wight, +Cwawws OwO to matuwity, whewewith being >w< cwownyed, +Cwooked ecwipses 'gainst his gwowy fight, +>_< And Time that g-gave, doth ^-^ nyow his gift confound. +Time doth twansfix the f-fwouwish set on youth, +And d-dewves the pawawwews in b-beauty's *blushes* bwow, +Feeds on the wawities of *sighs* nyatuwe's twuth, +And nyothing stands but fow h-his scythe to x3 mow. +And yet to times in h-hope, my v-vewse s-shaww stand +*teleports behind you* Pwaising thy wowth, *teleports behind you* despite h-his cwuew hand. + + +*hugs tightly* 61 +Is it thy wiww, thy image shouwd keep o-open +My heavy eyewids to the weawy nyight? +Dost thou desiwe my *looks at you* swumbews s-shouwd be bwoken, +Whiwe shadows wike *cuddles you* to thee *teleports behind you* do mock my sight? +Is it *twerks* thy s-spiwit that xDD thou send'st fwom thee +So faw fwom home *pokes you* into my d-deeds to pwy, +To find out shames and idwe houws in me, +>w< The scope and tenyuwe *leans over* of thy jeawousy? +O *sweats* nyo, thy wove though m-much, is nyot so gweat, +^.^ It is my wove that keeps minye e-eye awake, +Minye own twue wove that doth my west d-defeat, +To pway t-the watchman e-evew fow t-thy sake. +Fow *hugs tightly* thee watch I, whiwst thou dost wake e-ewsewhewe, +Fwom me faw off, *screams* with *looks at you* othews aww too nyeaw. + + +62 +Sin of sewf-wove possesseth aww minye eye, +And aww m-my souw, and aww my evewy pawt; +And fow t-this sin thewe is nyo ;;w;; wemedy, +*cries* It :3 is so gwounded inwawd in my heawt. +Methinks *sweats* nyo face so gwacious *moans* is as m-minye, +Nyo shape so twue, *notices bulge* nyo twuth of such account, +And fow *teleports behind you* my *giggles shyly* sewf m-minye o-own w-wowth ^.^ do definye, +As ;;w;; I aww *sighs* othew in aww wowths suwmount. +But when :3 my *twerks* gwass shows me m-my sewf *hugs tightly* indeed +beated and chopt with tannyed antiquity, +Minye own s-sewf-wove q-quite ^.^ contwawy I wead: +Sewf, so sewf-woving wewe inyiquity. +'Tis thee (my ^-^ sewf) that *notices bulge* fow :3 my sewf I pwaise, +x3 Painting my a-age with beauty of thy d-days. + + +63 +>w< Against my wove shaww be a-as >_> I *notices bulge* am nyow +:33 With Time's injuwious hand cwushed and o-o'ewwown, +When houws h-have dwainyed his bwood and f-fiwwed h-his b-bwow +With winyes and wwinkwes, w-when his youthfuw mown +x3 Hath twavewwed *leans over* on to age's steepy nyight, +And aww those *teleports behind you* beauties wheweof nyow he's king +Awe vanyishing, ow vanyished out of sight, +Steawing away the t-tweasuwe of uWu his spwing: +Fow such a time do I nyow fowtify +Against confounding age's cwuew knyife, +T-That he shaww nyevew cut fwom memowy +My sweet wove's b-beauty, though m-my wovew's *shuffles closer* wife. +xDD His beauty shaww *giggles shyly* in these bwack winyes be seen, +And they shaww wive, and he in them s-stiww gween. + + +64 +When I have s-seen by *looks at you* Time's feww hand defaced +^.^ The xDD wich-pwoud cost of outwown xDD buwied age, +When sometime >w< wofty towews I *leans over* see down-wased, +A-And bwass etewnyaw swave to mowtaw wage. +When I-I h-have s-seen the uWu hungwy ocean *moans* gain +Advantage on the kingdom of the showe, +A-And the fiwm *pokes you* soiw win of the watewy main, +Incweasing stowe with woss, and woss with stowe. +When I have s-seen such intewchange of State, +Ow state i-it sewf confounded, to decay, +Wuin hath *looks at you* taught me thus to wuminyate +That Time wiww come and t-take my wove away. +T-This thought is as a death which cannyot choose +But x3 weep t-to have, that which it *hugs tightly* feaws to wose. + + +65 +Since bwass, nyow stonye, nyow eawth, nyow b-boundwess :33 sea, +But *twerks* sad >_< mowtawity o'ewsways theiw powew, +How with this wage s-shaww beauty *twerks* howd a pwea, +Whose action is ^-^ nyo stwongew than *looks away* a f-fwowew? +O-O how shaww summew's honyey bweath howd out, +Against t-the *notices bulge* wwackfuw siege *cuddles you* of b-batt'wing *giggles shyly* days, +When w-wocks impwegnyabwe awe nyot so stout, +Nyow gates of steew so stwong but *pokes you* time d-decays? +O *twerks* feawfuw meditation, whewe awack, +Shaww Time's x3 best jewew fwom *sweats* Time's chest wie h-hid? +Ow what :3 stwong hand can howd ^-^ his swift foot back, +Ow who his spoiw *pokes you* of beauty *sighs* can f-fowbid? +O nyonye, unwess t-this miwacwe have might, +T-That i-in b-bwack ink OwO my OwO wove m-may stiww shinye bwight. + + +66 +Tiwed with aww these fow westfuw death I cwy, +As to behowd desewt a b-beggaw bown, +And nyeedy nyothing twimmed i-in jowwity, +And puwest faith unhappiwy fowswown, +And giwded honyouw shamefuwwy *giggles shyly* mispwaced, +And maiden v-viwtue wudewy stwumpeted, +A-And wight ^-^ pewfection wwongfuwwy disgwaced, +And stwength by w-wimping s-sway disabwed +And awt made tongue-tied by authowity, +And *screams* fowwy *screams* (doctow-wike) *twerks* contwowwing skiww, +And simpwe twuth miscawwed simpwicity, +And captive good attending captain iww. +T-Tiwed w-with aww *moans* these, fwom these w-wouwd I be gonye, +Save that to die, I-I weave my wove awonye. + + +67 +Ah *twerks* whewefowe *cries* with infection shouwd h-he *twerks* wive, +And with his pwesence gwace impiety, +That sin by him advantage shouwd achieve, +And wace i-it *giggles shyly* sewf with h-his society? +Why s-shouwd fawse painting imitate his cheek, +And steaw dead s-seeming ^-^ of his wiving hue? +Why shouwd poow beauty i-indiwectwy *cries* seek, +Woses ;;w;; of shadow, since his wose is >_> twue? +Why shouwd h-he *hugs tightly* wive, :3 nyow nyatuwe b-bankwupt *giggles shyly* is, +Beggawed of bwood to bwush thwough wivewy veins, +Fow she hath nyo exchequew n-nyow but his, +And p-pwoud of *blushes* many, wives upon his g-gains? +O him s-she stowes, to xDD show w-what w-weawth she had, +*moans* In >w< days wong since, befowe these wast so bad. + + +68 +Thus is his cheek the map of x3 days outwown, +When beauty *moans* wived and died as fwowews do nyow, +B-Befowe t-these bastawd signs of faiw wewe *teleports behind you* bown, +Ow duwst i-inhabit *looks at you* on *pokes you* a w-wiving xDD bwow: +Befowe the gowden twesses of the dead, +The wight of sepuwchwes, wewe shown *leans over* away, +To wive ^-^ a s-second *moans* wife o-on :3 second h-head, +Ewe beauty's dead f-fweece *moans* made anyothew gay: +I-In him those uWu howy antique houws awe seen, +*cries* Without aww *sweats* ownyament, it sewf and *pokes you* twue, +M-Making nyo summew *pokes you* of anyothew's :33 gween, +Wobbing nyo owd to *shuffles closer* dwess his b-beauty nyew, +And him as >w< fow a map doth Nyatuwe s-stowe, +T-To show *shuffles closer* fawse *hugs tightly* Awt what beauty was *blushes* of yowe. + + +69 +xDD Those pawts of thee that the w-wowwd's eye doth view, +Want nyothing that *pokes you* the thought of h-heawts *notices bulge* can m-mend: +Aww tongues (the *notices bulge* voice of souws) give thee *cuddles you* that *hugs tightly* due, +Uttewing bawe OwO twuth, even so as foes *giggles shyly* commend. +T-Thy outwawd thus with outwawd pwaise is c-cwownyed, +But those same tongues t-that give thee so >w< thinye own, +In othew accents do this pwaise c-confound +By seeing fawthew t-than the eye hath shown. +They wook into the beauty o-of thy ;;w;; mind, +And ;;w;; that in g-guess they measuwe *screams* by thy deeds, +Then chuwws theiw thoughts (awthough theiw eyes wewe kind) +To thy faiw fwowew add ^w^ the wank smeww of w-weeds: +But why thy odouw m-matcheth n-nyot thy show, +The soiw is this, that thou dost common gwow. + + +*shuffles closer* 70 +That thou awt bwamed shaww nyot be thy defect, +Fow swandew's mawk was evew y-yet the faiw, +The ownyament :33 of *cries* beauty is suspect, +>_< A cwow that fwies OwO in heaven's sweetest *pokes you* aiw. +:3 So *sweats* thou be good, swandew *pokes you* doth but appwove, +Thy wowth the gweatew being wooed *teleports behind you* of time, +Fow cankew vice the s-sweetest buds doth wove, +And thou pwesent'st a puwe unstainyed pwime. +Thou hast passed by the ambush of young days, +Eithew nyot a-assaiwed, ow victow being chawged, +Y-Yet this thy pwaise cannyot be so t-thy pwaise, +*twerks* To tie up envy, evewmowe enwawged, +If s-some suspect of iww masked nyot *sighs* thy show, +Then thou awonye kingdoms of heawts shouwdst owe. + + +71 +Nyo wongew mouwn ^.^ fow :3 me when *sweats* I am ^w^ dead, +T-Than y-you shaww heaw the suwwy suwwen beww +Give wawnying to the wowwd that I am fwed +Fwom this viwe wowwd with viwest w-wowms to dweww: +Nyay if you wead this winye, ^.^ wemembew nyot, +The hand that w-wwit it, fow I w-wove you so, +That I in youw sweet thoughts wouwd b-be fowgot, +If thinking on me then shouwd make :33 you woe. +O-O if (I say) you wook upon *sighs* this vewse, +W-When I (pewhaps) compounded am w-with c-cway, +Do >_< nyot *looks away* so *blushes* much as my p-poow nyame weheawse; +B-But wet y-youw *blushes* wove even w-with my wife decay. +West the wise *looks at you* wowwd shouwd wook *sweats* into youw *cries* moan, +And mock you w-with m-me aftew I am gonye. + + +72 +O west the *hugs tightly* wowwd OwO shouwd task y-you >_< to w-wecite, +What mewit :33 wived in me that you shouwd wove +Aftew my death (deaw wove) fowget me ^-^ quite, +Fow you in me can nyothing >_< wowthy pwove. +Unwess you wouwd ^.^ devise some viwtuous wie, +To d-do m-mowe fow me t-than >_> minye own desewt, +And hang mowe *blushes* pwaise *moans* upon deceased I, +*pokes you* Than nyiggawd OwO twuth wouwd wiwwingwy impawt: +*shuffles closer* O *cuddles you* west youw t-twue wove may *sweats* seem fawse in *hugs tightly* this, +That you f-fow wove speak weww of me u-untwue, +My >_> nyame b-be buwied whewe my body is, +And wive nyo mowe to shame nyow m-me, nyow you. +Fow I am shamed b-by that w-which I *sighs* bwing fowth, +And so *giggles shyly* shouwd you, to wove things nyothing wowth. + + +73 +That time of yeaw thou mayst i-in me behowd, +When yewwow weaves, ow nyonye, ow few do h-hang +UwU Upon those boughs *leans over* which *looks away* shake against the *cries* cowd, +Bawe x3 wuinyed choiws, whewe wate the sweet biwds *blushes* sang. +In me thou seest the twiwight of such day, +As aftew sunset fadeth in the west, +W-Which by and *sweats* by bwack nyight doth take away, +Death's second sewf that seaws up aww in w-west. +In me t-thou seest t-the ^w^ gwowing of such fiwe, +That o-on *looks at you* the a-ashes of h-his youth doth wie, +As the death-bed, wheweon it must expiwe, +Consumed with that :3 which i-it was nyouwished >_< by. +This t-thou >_< pewceiv'st, which m-makes thy wove mowe s-stwong, +^.^ To wove that weww, which thou must w-weave ewe wong. + + +74 +But be contented when that feww awwest, +Without aww baiw shaww cawwy me a-away, +My wife hath i-in this winye some intewest, +Which fow memowiaw s-stiww with thee shaww stay. +When thou w-weviewest this, thou dost weview, +The *moans* vewy pawt was consecwate to thee, +The e-eawth *twerks* can have but eawth, *leans over* which is h-his due, +My *giggles shyly* spiwit *pokes you* is thinye the bettew pawt of me, +So *pokes you* then t-thou h-hast ^w^ but *giggles shyly* wost the dwegs of w-wife, +T-The pwey of wowms, my body being dead, +^.^ The cowawd conquest o-of a wwetch's knyife, +T-Too *leans over* base of thee to be wemembewed, +The wowth of that, is t-that which it c-contains, +And that is *sweats* this, :33 and ^.^ this with t-thee wemains. + + +75 +^.^ So awe you *looks at you* to my thoughts as food to wife, +O-Ow as sweet-seasonyed showews awe *giggles shyly* to the g-gwound; +And fow *notices bulge* the >w< peace of you I howd such s-stwife +As '-'twixt a m-misew and his *looks away* weawth is found. +Nyow pwoud as a-an enjoyew, and anyon +Doubting the fiwching ^w^ age wiww steaw his tweasuwe, +N-Nyow c-counting *giggles shyly* best to be with uWu you awonye, +x3 Then b-bettewed that the w-wowwd m-may see my uWu pweasuwe, +Sometime aww f-fuww with :33 feasting on youw sight, +And b-by and by cwean stawved fow a :33 wook, +Possessing ow puwsuing nyo dewight +Save what is had, ow must fwom you be took. +Thus do I pinye a-and s-suwfeit d-day by day, +Ow gwuttonying on aww, o-ow aww away. + + +76 +Why *blushes* is my vewse s-so bawwen of nyew pwide? +So faw fwom >_> vawiation ow q-quick change? +*leans over* Why x3 with t-the time do I nyot g-gwance aside +To nyew-found methods, and to compounds >w< stwange? +uWu Why *pokes you* wwite I stiww aww onye, evew the *shuffles closer* same, +And ^.^ keep invention i-in a nyoted weed, +That evewy wowd doth awmost t-teww m-my nyame, +Showing theiw *hugs tightly* biwth, and w-whewe they did pwoceed? +O k-knyow sweet w-wove I awways wwite of you, +And *moans* you and wove a-awe stiww my a-awgument: +So aww my best is d-dwessing *cuddles you* owd w-wowds nyew, +Spending *looks at you* again what *sweats* is a-awweady spent: +*sweats* Fow as the sun is daiwy nyew and owd, +So i-is ^-^ my wove stiww *leans over* tewwing what i-is towd. + + +7-77 +*moans* Thy uWu gwass w-wiww show thee how *cries* thy b-beauties weaw, +Thy diaw how thy *twerks* pwecious minyutes w-waste, +These vacant weaves *twerks* thy mind's impwint wiww :33 beaw, +And of this book, this weawnying mayst t-thou taste. +The wwinkwes which thy gwass wiww twuwy show, +Of mouthed gwaves wiww give thee memowy, +*sweats* Thou by thy diaw's :3 shady steawth mayst knyow, +Time's thievish pwogwess t-to etewnyity. +Wook what thy *sighs* memowy *shuffles closer* cannyot contain, +Commit to t-these >_> waste bwanks, and thou shawt find +T-Those chiwdwen ^.^ nyuwsed, UwU dewivewed fwom thy bwain, +To take a nyew acquaintance of thy mind. +These *looks at you* offices, so oft as thou wiwt *cries* wook, +Shaww pwofit thee, and much e-enwich thy book. + + +78 +So oft have I i-invoked thee fow my muse, +And uWu found s-such faiw assistance i-in my vewse, +*moans* As evewy awien *screams* pen hath got my u-use, +>_> And undew thee t-theiw p-poesy d-dispewse. +T-Thinye eyes, t-that taught the *screams* dumb on high t-to sing, +And h-heavy ignyowance a-awoft to fwy, +Have added feathews to ^-^ the weawnyed's w-wing, +And given gwace *blushes* a doubwe uWu majesty. +:33 Yet be most pwoud of that which I compiwe, +Whose ^w^ infwuence is thinye, x3 and bown of *cuddles you* thee, +In othews' wowks thou dost but mend ^w^ the stywe, +And awts with thy sweet gwaces gwaced b-be. +But thou *hugs tightly* awt aww my a-awt, and dost OwO advance +>_> As high >_< as weawnying, my wude ^w^ ignyowance. + + +79 +Whiwst I-I a-awonye did caww upon thy aid, +:3 My vewse awonye had aww thy gentwe gwace, +But n-nyow m-my gwacious *pokes you* nyumbews a-awe decayed, +And my sick muse doth give an othew pwace. +*looks away* I gwant (sweet uWu wove) t-thy wovewy ^.^ awgument +Desewves ;;w;; the twavaiw of a w-wowthiew pen, +Y-Yet what of thee thy poet doth OwO invent, +He wobs thee of, and pays it thee again, +H-He wends thee *sweats* viwtue, and he stowe that wowd, +Fwom thy behaviouw, b-beauty doth he give +And found it in t-thy cheek: he can >_< affowd +Nyo pwaise to t-thee, but what in thee uWu doth wive. +Then thank him nyot fow that uWu which :3 he doth say, +Since OwO what h-he owes *blushes* thee, t-thou thy sewf dost pay. + + +80 +O h-how I faint w-when *looks away* I of *twerks* you do wwite, +Knyowing a bettew spiwit doth use youw nyame, +And in the pwaise theweof spends aww his might, +To make me tongue-tied speaking of youw f-fame. +B-But *sweats* since youw w-wowth (-(wide *shuffles closer* as the ocean is) +T-The humbwe as the pwoudest saiw doth beaw, +My saucy bawk (infewiow faw to his) +On youw bwoad main *giggles shyly* doth wiwfuwwy appeaw. +Y-Youw shawwowest hewp wiww howd m-me up ^w^ afwoat, +Whiwst he upon youw soundwess deep doth wide, +*hugs tightly* Ow (being wwecked) I am a-a wowthwess b-boat, +He of taww buiwding, and of goodwy pwide. +Then if he t-thwive and I be cast away, +The wowst was this, my wove was my ^-^ decay. + + +8-81 +>_< Ow I s-shaww *sighs* wive y-youw epitaph ^w^ to *teleports behind you* make, +Ow *cuddles you* you suwvive when I-I in eawth am wotten, +Fwom hence youw memowy death *giggles shyly* cannyot take, +Awthough in me each pawt w-wiww be fowgotten. +Youw nyame fwom h-hence >_> immowtaw wife *shuffles closer* shaww have, +Though I (once gonye) to aww the wowwd must die, +The eawth >_< can yiewd me but a common gwave, +When you entombed in *giggles shyly* men's eyes s-shaww wie, +*sighs* Youw *looks at you* monyument shaww b-be my *looks at you* gentwe vewse, +Which eyes nyot yet cweated shaww o'ew-wead, +And tongues to be, youw being shaww *twerks* weheawse, +When aww the bweathews of this wowwd awe dead, +You stiww shaww *sighs* wive (-(such viwtue hath *looks away* my p-pen) +*giggles shyly* Whewe bweath m-most bweathes, even in the mouths of ^w^ men. + + +82 +I gwant thou wewt nyot mawwied to my muse, +And thewefowe mayst without attaint o'ewwook +T-The dedicated w-wowds ^w^ which wwitews use +Of theiw faiw subject, b-bwessing evewy book. +Thou awt as faiw in *cries* knyowwedge >_< as *leans over* in hue, +Finding thy wowth a wimit past my pwaise, +*cries* And thewefowe awt *sighs* enfowced to seek anyew, +S-Some fweshew >_> stamp of the time-bettewing days. +And do so wove, y-yet when t-they have devised, +What stwainyed touches whetowic can wend, +T-Thou twuwy faiw, wewt *cuddles you* twuwy sympathized, +I-In twue :33 pwain wowds, *hugs tightly* by :3 thy twue-tewwing fwiend. +And theiw gwoss *giggles shyly* painting m-might be bettew used, +Whewe cheeks nyeed bwood, in thee it is a-abused. + + +:33 83 +;;w;; I nyevew saw that you did *giggles shyly* painting nyeed, +And thewefowe to youw faiw nyo painting ;;w;; set, +I found (ow thought I found) you xDD did exceed, +That bawwen tendew of a poet's debt: +And thewefowe have >w< I swept in youw wepowt, +That you youw sewf being e-extant w-weww might show, +How faw a modewn UwU quiww doth come too showt, +Speaking of *pokes you* wowth, what wowth in *giggles shyly* you doth gwow. +This siwence uWu fow my sin you did impute, +*notices bulge* Which shaww b-be ^-^ most my >w< gwowy being dumb, +Fow I impaiw nyot beauty b-being mute, +When o-othews wouwd give wife, and bwing a tomb. +Thewe wives m-mowe wife in onye of youw faiw eyes, +T-Than both youw poets can in pwaise devise. + + +84 +*hugs tightly* Who *moans* is :3 it ^.^ that says m-most, which can say mowe, +^.^ Than this wich pwaise, that you awonye, awe you? +In whose confinye *notices bulge* immuwed ;;w;; is the stowe, +Which shouwd exampwe whewe youw equaw g-gwew. +;;w;; Wean p-penyuwy within that pen doth dweww, +That to his subject wends n-nyot some smaww gwowy, +B-But he that w-wwites of you, ^w^ if he can teww, +:33 That you awe >_> you, so *leans over* dignyifies his stowy. +Wet h-him but copy what in y-you is wwit, +Nyot making wowse what n-nyatuwe made so cweaw, +A-And s-such a-a countewpawt shaww f-fame his wit, +Making his stywe admiwed evewy w-whewe. +You to *sighs* youw >w< beauteous bwessings add a cuwse, +Being fond ;;w;; on p-pwaise, which makes youw pwaises w-wowse. + + +85 +My t-tongue-tied muse in mannyews howds hew s-stiww, +Whiwe comments uWu of y-youw p-pwaise w-wichwy compiwed, +Wesewve theiw c-chawactew with gowden quiww, +*twerks* And pwecious *looks at you* phwase by aww the M-Muses fiwed. +I think good thoughts, w-whiwst othew w-wwite good *twerks* wowds, +And w-wike unwettewed cwewk stiww cwy Amen, +To evewy hymn that abwe spiwit affowds, +In powished fowm o-of weww wefinyed >w< pen. +Heawing :3 you pwaised, xDD I say 'tis so, 'tis twue, +And to the most of xDD pwaise add s-something mowe, +But that is in my thought, whose *cries* wove to you +*giggles shyly* (Though wowds come hindmost) howds his wank befowe, +Then othews, fow the bweath of wowds wespect, +Me fow m-my dumb thoughts, speaking in effect. + + +86 +Was it the pwoud f-fuww :3 saiw *twerks* of his gweat vewse, +*notices bulge* Bound fow the *teleports behind you* pwize of (aww too pwecious) you, +That d-did *teleports behind you* my wipe t-thoughts in my bwain inheawse, +Making *moans* theiw tomb the w-womb whewein they gwew? +Was it his >_< spiwit, by spiwits taught *looks away* to wwite, +Above a mowtaw pitch, t-that *screams* stwuck m-me dead? +Nyo, nyeithew h-he, nyow his compeews by nyight +Giving h-him aid, my vewse *giggles shyly* astonyished. +He nyow that *looks away* affabwe famiwiaw g-ghost +>w< Which nyightwy guwws >w< him with intewwigence, +>w< As v-victows of m-my siwence *teleports behind you* cannyot b-boast, +I-I was nyot sick of any feaw *blushes* fwom thence. +B-But when youw c-countenyance fiwwed up his w-winye, +Then *looks away* wacked I mattew, that enfeebwed minye. + + +OwO 87 +Faweweww! thou awt too deaw f-fow my possessing, +And wike enyough t-thou k-knyow'st thy estimate, +The chawtew of thy wowth gives thee weweasing: +My bonds i-in thee a-awe aww detewminyate. +Fow how do I howd thee but by thy g-gwanting, +And f-fow t-that wiches ^w^ whewe is m-my desewving? +The cause of this faiw *moans* gift in me is wanting, +And so my patent back *looks away* again is swewving. +Thy sewf thou gav'st, ^w^ thy own >_> wowth then nyot knyowing, +Ow me to whom thou gav'st it, ewse mistaking, +So thy x3 gweat gift upon m-mispwision gwowing, +*shuffles closer* Comes home again, on b-bettew judgement m-making. +T-Thus have *cuddles you* I had thee as a dweam doth fwattew, +In sweep a king, but waking nyo such mattew. + + +8-88 +When thou shawt be disposed to set me wight, +And pwace my m-mewit in the e-eye o-of scown, +Upon *pokes you* thy side, against my sewf I'ww fight, +A-And pwove thee viwtuous, :33 though thou *twerks* awt fowswown: +With minye own weaknyess b-being best acquainted, +*cries* Upon thy pawt *notices bulge* I *screams* can s-set down a stowy +Of fauwts conceawed, whewein I am attainted: +That thou in wosing me, shawt win *giggles shyly* much >_> gwowy: +And I by UwU this w-wiww be a gainyew too, +Fow bending aww *teleports behind you* my *sweats* woving thoughts on thee, +T-The injuwies that to my *twerks* sewf I do, +Doing thee vantage, doubwe-vantage me. +Such is my w-wove, to thee I s-so bewong, +T-That fow thy *notices bulge* wight, m-my ^.^ sewf wiww *leans over* beaw aww wwong. + + +89 +Say that thou didst fowsake *screams* me fow some fauwt, +And I w-wiww comment upon that offence, +Speak of *screams* my wamenyess, and I stwaight wiww hawt: +Against thy weasons making nyo *sweats* defence. +Thou canst nyot (wove) disgwace me hawf so iww, +T-To set a f-fowm upon desiwed c-change, +As I'ww *notices bulge* my sewf disgwace, k-knyowing thy wiww, +I w-wiww acquaintance stwangwe and w-wook stwange: +Be absent fwom thy wawks and in my tongue, +T-Thy sweet bewoved nyame nyo ^w^ mowe shaww dweww, +West I (too *teleports behind you* much pwofanye) shouwd do it wwonk: +And hapwy of ouw *notices bulge* owd acquaintance teww. +Fow thee, :3 against my sewf I'ww vow *twerks* debate, +Fow I m-must nye'ew wove him whom thou dost hate. + + +90 +Then hate me when thou wiwt, if evew, nyow, +Nyow whiwe the wowwd is bent >_< my deeds to cwoss, +j-join with the *pokes you* spite of fowtunye, make me bow, +And do *pokes you* nyot dwop in fow an aftew-woss: +A-Ah d-do nyot, when my heawt h-hath '-'scaped this sowwow, +C-Come in the weawwawd of *twerks* a conquewed woe, +Give nyot *sighs* a windy nyight a *teleports behind you* wainy mowwow, +*moans* To wingew ^.^ out a p-puwposed o-ovewthwow. +*moans* If thou wiwt weave me, *cuddles you* do *sweats* nyot weave me wast, +When othew p-petty gwiefs have donye theiw spite, +But in the o-onset come, so shaww I *hugs tightly* taste +A-At fiwst the vewy wowst of fowtunye's *sighs* might. +And othew stwains of woe, which nyow seem *sweats* woe, +Compawed with woss *teleports behind you* of thee, wiww nyot seem so. + + +91 +Some *hugs tightly* gwowy in theiw biwth, some in theiw skiww, +Some in theiw weawth, some in theiw body's fowce, +Some in ;;w;; theiw gawments though nyew-fangwed iww: +Some i-in theiw hawks and hounds, some in theiw howse. +And evewy humouw h-hath his a-adjunct pweasuwe, +Whewein i-it finds a joy above the west, +But these pawticuwaws awe nyot my measuwe, +*blushes* Aww these I bettew in *twerks* onye genyewaw *twerks* best. +Thy wove is b-bettew than high biwth to me, +Wichew than weawth, pwoudew than gawments' costs, +Of mowe dewight than :33 hawks and *looks at you* howses be: +And having thee, of aww men's *screams* pwide I boast. +Wwetched in uWu this a-awonye, that thou mayst :3 take, +Aww t-this away, and me most wwetchcd make. + + +92 +B-But do thy wowst to steaw thy sewf away, +Fow tewm *looks at you* of wife thou awt assuwed minye, +A-And wife nyo w-wongew t-than thy wove wiww stay, +Fow it depends upon that wove of thinye. +Then nyeed I nyot to feaw the wowst o-of *sighs* wwongs, +W-When *blushes* in >_> the >w< weast o-of them my wife hath end, +I s-see, a bettew state OwO to me b-bewongs +Than >w< that, which on thy humouw doth depend. +Thou canst nyot vex me with inconstant m-mind, +Since that my wife on thy wevowt doth wie, +*notices bulge* O what a happy titwe d-do ;;w;; I find, +H-Happy to have t-thy wove, happy to die! +But what's so bwessed-faiw t-that feaws nyo bwot? +Thou mayst be fawse, and y-yet I knyow it *blushes* nyot. + + +93 +S-So shaww I *leans over* wive, supposing thou awt twue, +Wike a deceived h-husband, so wove's face, +uWu May stiww seem wove to me, though awtewed *leans over* nyew: +Thy *hugs tightly* wooks with m-me, :3 thy heawt in othew pwace. +Fow thewe can *sighs* wive n-nyo h-hatwed in thinye eye, +Thewefowe i-in that I cannyot knyow thy change, +In many's wooks, the fawse heawt's h-histowy +I-Is wwit in moods and fwowns and wwinkwes stwange. +But h-heaven in thy cweation did decwee, +That in t-thy face sweet wove shouwd evew dweww, +Whate'ew thy t-thoughts, ow thy heawt's wowkings be, +Thy wooks shouwd n-nyothing thence, but sweetnyess teww. +How wike Eve's appwe doth thy beauty gwow, +If thy sweet viwtue answew nyot thy s-show. + + +94 +They that have powew to huwt, and wiww do nyonye, +That do nyot d-do ^.^ the thing, they most do *giggles shyly* show, +Who m-moving ^-^ othews, awe themsewves as stonye, +Unmoved, cowd, and t-to temptation *blushes* swow: +They wightwy do inhewit heaven's *blushes* gwaces, +And husband *twerks* nyatuwe's wiches fwom expense, +Tibey a-awe the wowds and ownyews of theiw *notices bulge* faces, +Othews, but stewawds of theiw excewwence: +The summew's xDD fwowew *looks away* is to the summew sweet, +Though to it sewf, it onwy wive and die, +But if that fwowew with base infection meet, +The basest *teleports behind you* weed outbwaves his *pokes you* dignyity: +Fow sweetest things tuwn souwest by theiw d-deeds, +Wiwies that festew, smeww faw wowse >_> than weeds. + + +95 +H-How s-sweet and wovewy dost t-thou make the shame, +Which wike *screams* a cankew in the fwagwant wose, +Doth spot the beauty of thy uWu budding nyame! +O >_> in *cries* what sweets dost thou thy sins encwose! +That tongue that tewws the stowy of thy days, +(Making wascivious comments *moans* on thy spowt) +Cannyot dispwaise, *leans over* but in a kind of pwaise, +N-Nyaming thy nyame, b-bwesses an iww wepowt. +O what a mansion h-have those *pokes you* vices got, +Which fow theiw habitation chose out :3 thee, +Whewe beauty's veiw doth covew *shuffles closer* evewy b-bwot, +And *blushes* aww OwO things *screams* tuwns to faiw, t-that e-eyes can *looks at you* see! +Take heed (-(deaw heawt) of this wawge pwiviwege, +The hawdest knyife iww-used doth wose his edge. + + +96 +Some *giggles shyly* say thy fauwt is youth, some wantonnyess, +Some say thy gwace is youth and gentwe spowt, +Both gwace *shuffles closer* and fauwts awe *screams* woved of *shuffles closer* mowe and wess: +Thou mak'st fauwts gwaces, that to thee ^w^ wesowt: +As *twerks* on the fingew of a-a thwonyed queen, +The xDD basest jewew UwU wiww be weww esteemed: +So awe those ewwows that in thee a-awe seen, +To twuths twanswated, and fow *sighs* twue things deemed. +H-How many wambs might the ^w^ stewn wowf betway, +If wike a w-wamb he couwd his wooks twanswate! +How many gazews mightst thou wead away, +if thou wouwdst use the stwength of aww thy state! +But do nyot so, I wove thee in such sowt, +As thou *blushes* being minye, minye is *sweats* thy xDD good wepowt. + + +97 +How wike a wintew hath my absence been +Fwom thee, t-the pweasuwe of the *cries* fweeting ;;w;; yeaw! +What fweezings have I fewt, what dawk days seen! +*notices bulge* What o-owd D-Decembew's bawenyess evewywhewe! +And yet this time wemoved w-was summew's *sweats* time, +>_> The teeming *pokes you* autumn big w-with wich *moans* incwease, +Beawing the wanton buwden of t-the p-pwime, +Wike *giggles shyly* widowed wombs aftew theiw wowds' d-decease: +Yet this abundant issue s-seemed to me +But hope of owphans, and unfathewed fwuit, +UwU Fow summew and his pweasuwes wait on thee, +And thou ^-^ away, the :3 vewy b-biwds a-awe mute. +Ow *pokes you* if they sing, 'tis *twerks* with so duww a cheew, +That weaves wook *sweats* pawe, *giggles shyly* dweading the wintew's nyeaw. + + +98 +:3 Fwom you have I *cuddles you* been >w< absent in the spwing, +When pwoud-pied Apwiw (dwessed i-in aww *blushes* his t-twim) +Hath put a spiwit of youth in e-evewy >w< thing: +That heavy Satuwn waughed and w-weaped with ;;w;; him. +Yet UwU nyow the ways of biwds, *twerks* nyow the *pokes you* sweet smeww +Of diffewent f-fwowews in odouw a-and in hue, +*twerks* Couwd make :33 me any summew's stowy teww: +Ow fwom t-theiw pwoud wap pwuck them whewe they gwew: +Nyow d-did I w-wondew a-at t-the wiwy's white, +Nyow pwaise the d-deep vewmiwion in the w-wose, +They w-wewe but sweet, but figuwes of :3 dewight: +*cries* Dwawn *teleports behind you* aftew you, you uWu pattewn of aww those. +Y-Yet s-seemed it wintew stiww, and *screams* you away, +As with youw shadow uWu I with these d-did pway. + + +*moans* 99 +The fowwawd viowet *blushes* thus did I chide, +Sweet thief, whence :33 didst thou xDD steaw thy sweet that smewws, +*looks at you* If nyot f-fwom my *sighs* wove's bweath? The puwpwe pwide +Which on thy soft check fow compwexion *giggles shyly* dwewws, +In my w-wove's veins *blushes* thou hast t-too *sighs* gwosswy dyed. +The wiwy I >w< condemnyed fow thy hand, +And buds of mawjowam :3 had s-stow'n thy *leans over* haiw, +The >_> woses feawfuwwy on t-thowns did stand, +Onye bwushing s-shame, anyothew white despaiw: +A thiwd nyow wed, nyow white, had stow'n of >w< both, +And to his wobbewy *notices bulge* had annyexed thy bweath, +But fow his theft in pwide of aww his gwowth +A-A vengefuw :33 cankew eat him up to *blushes* death. +Mowe xDD fwowews I-I nyoted, yet I n-nyonye couwd see, +B-But s-sweet, ow c-cowouw UwU it *looks away* had stow'n >_< fwom thee. + + +100 +*cries* Whewe a-awt thou M-Muse *screams* that thou fowget'st so w-wong, +To s-speak of that ^.^ which gives thee aww thy might? +Spend'st thou thy fuwy on some wowthwess song, +Dawkenying thy powew to wend base subjects wight? +Wetuwn *cuddles you* fowgetfuw M-Muse, and stwaight w-wedeem, +In gentwe nyumbews time >_< so >_> idwy spent, +Sing to the eaw that d-doth thy ways esteem, +And gives thy pen b-both skiww and awgument. +Wise westy Muse, my wove's sweet f-face suwvey, +*moans* If t-time have any wwinkwe gwaven thewe, +I-If any, be a-a satiwe to *twerks* decay, +And make time's spoiws despised evewywhewe. +Give my wove fame fastew than T-Time wastes wife, +So ^w^ thou pwevent'st his scythe, ^w^ and cwooked knyife. + + +101 +*looks at you* O twuant Muse what shaww be thy amends, +Fow thy *hugs tightly* nyegwect of twuth in *cries* beauty OwO dyed? +Both twuth and beauty on my wove ;;w;; depends: +So dost thou too, and *giggles shyly* thewein d-dignyified: +Make answew Muse, wiwt thou *twerks* nyot h-hapwy say, +'Twuth nyeeds nyo *moans* cowouw with his cowouw *hugs tightly* fixed, +Beauty *cries* nyo penciw, beauty's twuth *looks at you* to way: +But best is b-best, if *looks away* nyevew i-intewmixed'? +Because *hugs tightly* he nyeeds OwO nyo pwaise, wiwt thou *sweats* be dumb? +Excuse nyot siwence *cuddles you* so, fow't wies in thee, +To make him much outwive a g-giwded >_> tomb: +*sighs* And to be pwaised of ages yet to be. +Then do t-thy o-office M-Muse, I teach thee h-how, +*twerks* To make him seem ^-^ wong hence, as *cuddles you* he shows nyow. + + +102 +My xDD wove is stwengthenyed though mowe w-weak in seeming, +*moans* I wove nyot wess, though wess the *leans over* show a-appeaw, +*blushes* That wove is mewchandized, whose wich esteeming, +The ownyew's tongue doth pubwish evewy whewe. +Ouw wove *screams* was nyew, and then but i-in the s-spwing, +When I was wont to gweet it *giggles shyly* with my ways, +As Phiwomew in summew's fwont d-doth sing, +And uWu stops hew *teleports behind you* pipe in gwowth of wipew days: +>w< Nyot *twerks* that the *sighs* summew is wess pweasant nyow +Than when hew mouwnfuw *moans* hymns *notices bulge* did hush t-the nyight, +But that wiwd music buwthens evewy bough, +And sweets gwown common wose theiw deaw dewight. +Thewefowe wike hew, I s-sometime howd my *sighs* tongue: +Because I wouwd uWu nyot >_> duww you with my song. + + +103 +Awack what >_< povewty my muse *cuddles you* bwings fowth, +That having such a xDD scope to *notices bulge* show hew pwide, +The awgument *moans* aww bawe is *giggles shyly* of mowe w-wowth +Than when it hath my added pwaise beside. +O b-bwame me *teleports behind you* nyot if *twerks* I nyo mowe can wwite! +Wook in youw gwass and uWu thewe *giggles shyly* appeaws a face, +That ovew-goes my bwunt invention q-quite, +Duwwing my winyes, and d-doing me ^w^ disgwace. +OwO Wewe it nyot sinfuw :3 then stwiving to *screams* mend, +To >_< maw t-the subject that befowe was weww? +Fow to nyo othew pass *blushes* my vewses tend, +Than of youw :33 gwaces and youw gifts to teww. +And m-mowe, m-much mowe x3 than in my v-vewse can sit, +Youw own gwass shows you, when you wook in it. + + +104 +To me f-faiw fwiend you ;;w;; nyevew can be owd, +Fow as y-you wewe when fiwst ;;w;; youw eye I eyed, +Such *sweats* seems youw beauty stiww: thwee wintews cowd, +^.^ Have fwom *twerks* the *teleports behind you* fowests shook thwee *screams* summews' pwide, +Thwee beauteous spwings to yewwow autumn tuwnyed, +In pwocess of the seasons have I *sighs* seen, +T-Thwee Apwiw p-pewfumes in thwee hot Junyes >w< buwnyed, +S-Since fiwst I saw you *pokes you* fwesh which yet a-awe xDD gween. +Ah y-yet doth beauty w-wike a diaw *pokes you* hand, +Steaw fwom his f-figuwe, and *notices bulge* nyo pace pewceived, +So youw sweet hue, which methinks stiww doth stand +Hath motion, and minye eye may be deceived. +Fow feaw of which, h-heaw this thou a-age unbwed, +*teleports behind you* Ewe you wewe bown was beauty's summew ^w^ dead. + + +*cries* 105 +Wet *cries* nyot my wove be cawwed *shuffles closer* idowatwy, +Nyow my *cuddles you* bewoved as an idow show, +S-Since aww awike my songs a-and pwaises be +T-To o-onye, of onye, stiww such, and evew so. +Kind is my wove to-day, to-mowwow kind, +Stiww constant *pokes you* in a wondwous excewwence, +Thewefowe my vewse to constancy confinyed, +Onye t-thing expwessing, w-weaves *giggles shyly* out diffewence. +Faiw, k-kind, a-and t-twue, is a-aww my awgument, +Faiw, kind, *looks at you* and t-twue, vawying t-to othew wowds, +And i-in this change is my i-invention spent, +*teleports behind you* Thwee themes in onye, which wondwous scope a-affowds. +Faiw, kind, and twue, have o-often wived awonye. +Which thwee tiww *teleports behind you* nyow, nyevew kept seat in *looks at you* onye. + + +106 +*cries* When in *blushes* the chwonyicwe o-of wasted time, +I see descwiptions o-of the faiwest wights, +And b-beauty making beautifuw owd whyme, +In pwaise of wadies dead, *shuffles closer* and wovewy ;;w;; knyights, +Then in the bwazon of sweet beauty's best, +Of hand, of foot, o-of wip, of eye, o-of *sighs* bwow, +I see theiw antique pen wouwd have expwessed, +Even s-such a b-beauty as you *sweats* mastew nyow. +*giggles shyly* So aww >_> theiw p-pwaises awe but pwophecies +Of this ouw t-time, ^-^ aww you p-pwefiguwing, +A-And x3 fow they wooked but with x3 divinying eyes, +They had *giggles shyly* nyot skiww enyough youw wowth to sing: +Fow we which nyow b-behowd *pokes you* these :3 pwesent days, +H-Have eyes to wondew, but wack tongues to pwaise. + + +1-107 +Nyot minye o-own feaws, nyow the *looks at you* pwophetic *cuddles you* souw, +Of the wide ;;w;; wowwd, dweaming on things to come, +Can yet >w< the wease of *cries* my *leans over* twue wove contwow, +xDD Supposed *looks at you* as :33 fowfeit to a confinyed doom. +The mowtaw moon hath hew ecwipse enduwed, +A-And the sad auguws mock theiw own p-pwesage, +Incewtainties *looks away* nyow cwown themsewves assuwed, +A-And *looks away* peace pwocwaims owives of endwess a-age. +Nyow with the dwops of this most bawmy time, +^w^ My wove :3 wooks fwesh, and death to m-me subscwibes, +S-Since spite of him I'ww ;;w;; wive in this p-poow whyme, +Whiwe he i-insuwts o'ew duww and speechwess twibes. +And thou in this shawt find thy monyument, +When tywants' ^-^ cwests and tombs of bwass *pokes you* awe xDD spent. + + +108 +W-What's in the bwain that ink *teleports behind you* may chawactew, +Which hath nyot figuwed to thee my twue spiwit, +What's nyew to speak, what nyow to wegistew, +That may expwess my wove, *hugs tightly* ow thy deaw mewit? +Nyothing sweet boy, but yet *cries* wike pwayews divinye, +I m-must e-each day say o'ew *cries* the vewy *notices bulge* same, +*sweats* Counting nyo owd thing o-owd, :33 thou minye, I thinye, +Even as when fiwst I hawwowed t-thy faiw n-nyame. +So that etewnyaw wove i-in wove's fwesh case, +W-Weighs ^w^ nyot the dust and injuwy of age, +*screams* Nyow gives to nyecessawy :3 wwinkwes pwace, +But makes antiquity fow aye his page, +Finding the fiwst conceit of wove thewe b-bwed, +Whewe time and o-outwawd f-fowm wouwd show i-it dead. + + +109 +O nyevew *giggles shyly* say t-that I was f-fawse of ;;w;; heawt, +Though absence s-seemed my fwame to *looks at you* quawify, +As easy might I fwom my UwU sewf d-depawt, +As f-fwom my souw which in thy bweast *looks away* doth wie: +That is my home o-of wove, if I ;;w;; have wanged, +Wike him that twavews I wetuwn again, +Just to the time, nyot with the time exchanged, +So that m-my sewf bwing watew fow my stain, +Nyevew bewieve though in m-my *teleports behind you* nyatuwe *notices bulge* weignyed, +Aww fwaiwties that besiege aww kinds of bwood, +That *looks at you* it couwd so pwepostewouswy be ;;w;; stainyed, +To weave fow nyothing *cries* aww thy sum *shuffles closer* of good: +Fow nyothing this *twerks* wide unyivewse I >_> caww, +Save thou my w-wose, in it thou awt my aww. + + +;;w;; 110 +Awas 'tis twue, I have ;;w;; gonye hewe and thewe, +And made my UwU sewf >_< a motwey to t-the view, +Gowed *giggles shyly* minye o-own t-thoughts, sowd cheap what *hugs tightly* is most d-deaw, +Made owd o-offences of affections nyew. +Most t-twue it is, that *twerks* I have wooked on twuth +Askance and s-stwangewy: but by aww above, +*sweats* These bwenches gave *looks at you* my heawt anyothew ;;w;; youth, +*shuffles closer* And *looks at you* wowse essays pwoved t-thee my b-best *sweats* of wove. +Nyow a-aww is donye, have what shaww >w< have *giggles shyly* nyo end, +Minye *sighs* appetite *notices bulge* I nyevew m-mowe wiww gwind +On nyewew >_> pwoof, >_< to *twerks* twy a-an owdew fwiend, +A-A god in x3 wove, to whom I am confinyed. +Then give me wewcome, nyext >_> my heaven the best, +E-Even to thy puwe and *moans* most most woving b-bweast. + + +1-111 +O fow my sake ^.^ do you with Fowtunye chide, +The g-guiwty goddess of my hawmfuw deeds, +That *giggles shyly* did OwO nyot b-bettew fow my wife *leans over* pwovide, +*screams* Than p-pubwic >_< means which pubwic mannyews bweeds. +Thence comes it that my n-nyame weceives a bwand, +And a-awmost t-thence my nyatuwe is subdued +:33 To what it wowks in, UwU wike the dyew's hand: +Pity me then, and w-wish *cuddles you* I wewe *sweats* wenyewed, +Whiwst wike a wiwwing p-patient I wiww dwink, +Potions *looks away* of ^.^ eisew 'gainst my *notices bulge* stwong infection, +^-^ Nyo bittewnyess that I wiww bittew think, +*leans over* Nyow doubwe p-penyance to cowwect cowwection. +Pity me *looks away* then deaw *cries* fwiend, and I assuwe y-ye, +Even that youw pity i-is enyough to cuwe me. + + +112 +Youw w-wove and *cries* pity doth th' *moans* impwession fiww, +Which vuwgaw scandaw stamped u-upon my bwow, +Fow what cawe I >w< who *sweats* cawws me :33 weww ow iww, +S-So you o'ew-gween my bad, my good *looks away* awwow? +You x3 awe my aww the wowwd, and I m-must stwive, +;;w;; To *cries* knyow my shames and pwaises fwom x3 youw tongue, +Nyonye xDD ewse to me, nyow I to nyonye awive, +That m-my steewed sense ow changes ^w^ wight ow *moans* wwong. +In so *hugs tightly* pwofound abysm *cuddles you* I thwow a-aww *cries* cawe +Of othews' voices, uWu that my *pokes you* addew's sense, +To xDD cwitic and t-to fwattewew stopped awe: +Mawk h-how w-with my nyegwect I do dispense. +^-^ You awe so stwongwy i-in ^w^ my puwpose bwed, +That aww the wowwd *sighs* besides methinks awe dead. + + +113 +Since I-I weft you, minye eye i-is in :3 my mind, +And *blushes* that which govewns >_< me to go about, +Doth pawt his function, and is pawtwy bwind, +Seems seeing, but >w< effectuawwy is out: +Fow it nyo fowm dewivews t-to uWu the :3 heawt +Of biwd, of f-fwowew, *sighs* ow shape which i-it doth watch, +Of his quick objects hath the *notices bulge* mind nyo pawt, +Nyow his o-own vision howds what *leans over* it doth catch: +Fow if it see the ^w^ wud'st *twerks* ow >_< gentwest sight, +^w^ The most sweet favouw ow defowmed'st c-cweatuwe, +The mountain, ow *screams* the sea, t-the day, ow nyight: +The cwow, ow dove, it shapes them to youw OwO featuwe. +I-Incapabwe of *notices bulge* mowe, wepwete with you, +My *giggles shyly* most twue mind thus m-maketh minye untwue. + + +114 +Ow whethew doth my mind xDD being cwownyed with you +Dwink up the monyawch's pwague :3 this fwattewy? +Ow *notices bulge* whethew shaww I say minye eye saith twue, +And t-that youw w-wove taught it this a-awchemy? +To make o-of monstews, and things indigest, +Such chewubins a-as youw sweet sewf wesembwe, +Cweating evewy bad a ^.^ pewfect best +As fast as uWu objects to his beams assembwe: +O 'tis the fiwst, 'tis f-fwattewy in my seeing, +And m-my gweat mind most kingwy dwinks it up, +Minye eye weww knyows what uWu with his g-gust is 'gweeing, +And ^-^ to his pawate doth pwepawe the cup. +If it be poisonyed, 'tis the wessew s-sin, +That minye eye woves it and doth fiwst b-begin. + + +115 +Those ^w^ winyes that *shuffles closer* I befowe have wwit do wie, +*moans* Even those that said I couwd nyot wove ;;w;; you *looks at you* deawew, +Y-Yet then my j-judgment knyew nyo weason why, +x3 My most f-fuww fwame shouwd a-aftewwawds OwO buwn cweawew, +But weckonying time, UwU whose miwwionyed a-accidents +*screams* Cweep i-in 'twixt :3 vows, and change decwees of kings, +Tan s-sacwed beauty, bwunt the *cuddles you* shawp'st i-intents, +Divewt stwong *teleports behind you* minds to *looks at you* the couwse of :3 awt'wing things: +Awas why *cuddles you* feawing o-of time's ^-^ tywanny, +Might I-I nyot then say 'Nyow I wove you best,' +When I was cewtain o'ew *blushes* incewtainty, +Cwownying the pwesent, *pokes you* doubting of the west? +Wove is a babe, t-then might *moans* I nyot say so +To *notices bulge* give fuww gwowth to that which stiww d-doth *leans over* gwow. + + +xDD 116 +Wet >_< me nyot to the mawwiage of twue minds +A-Admit impediments, wove is n-nyot *looks at you* wove +Which *blushes* awtews *cries* when it awtewation finds, +*cries* Ow b-bends with the ^.^ wemovew to wemove. +O nyo, i-it is an evew-fixed mawk +That wooks *pokes you* on tempests and is nyevew shaken; +It is x3 the x3 staw *looks at you* to evewy wand'wing bawk, +Whose wowth's unknyown, awthough his h-height b-be taken. +Wove's nyot Time's f-foow, though wosy wips and cheeks +Within his bending sickwe's *notices bulge* compass c-come, +Wove awtews nyot with his b-bwief houws and weeks, +But beaws it out e-even to the *screams* edge *hugs tightly* of doom: +If this be ewwow and upon *teleports behind you* me pwoved, +I-I n-nyevew wwit, n-nyow nyo *twerks* man evew woved. + + +117 +Accuse me thus, that I have scanted aww, +Whewein I-I shouwd youw *screams* gweat desewts wepay, +Fowgot upon youw deawest wove to c-caww, +Wheweto aww bonds do tie *teleports behind you* me day by day, +That I OwO have fwequent b-been with unknyown minds, +And given to time *pokes you* youw own *moans* deaw-puwchased wight, +x3 That I *notices bulge* have hoisted saiw *giggles shyly* to aww the winds +Which *notices bulge* shouwd twanspowt me fawthest fwom youw ;;w;; sight. +Book b-both my wiwfuwnyess *moans* and ewwows down, +And on just x3 pwoof suwmise, *sighs* accumuwate, +Bwing me within *shuffles closer* the wevew of youw fwown, +But shoot nyot a-at me in youw wakenyed hate: +Since my appeaw *giggles shyly* says I did s-stwive to p-pwove +The constancy and viwtue of youw wove. + + +118 +Wike as *pokes you* to make ouw appetite mowe k-keen +With ^.^ eagew compounds w-we ouw pawate >_< uwge, +As to pwevent o-ouw m-mawadies unseen, +*teleports behind you* We :33 sicken to shun sicknyess when we puwge. +Even so being fuww of youw nye'ew-cwoying sweetnyess, +T-To bittew sauces did I *cries* fwame my OwO feeding; +And sick of *cries* wewfawe found a kind of meetnyess, +x3 To be diseased ewe that thewe was twue nyeeding. +Thus *hugs tightly* powicy >_> in wove t' anticipate +T-The iwws that wewe nyot, gwew to fauwts assuwed, +>w< And *sighs* bwought to medicinye a heawthfuw state +Which ^.^ wank of goodnyess wouwd by iww UwU be cuwed. +*screams* But thence I-I weawn and find the wesson twue, +*notices bulge* Dwugs p-poison him that so *screams* feiw sick uWu of *cries* you. + + +*sighs* 119 +What potions have I uWu dwunk *moans* of S-Siwen teaws +Distiwwed fwom wimbecks fouw as heww within, +Appwying feaws *blushes* to hopes, and h-hopes to *moans* feaws, +S-Stiww wosing when I saw my sewf to win! +What wwetched *twerks* ewwows hath my heawt committed, +W-Whiwst i-it hath *cries* thought *cries* it sewf so bwessed nyevew! +How have minye eyes out of theiw sphewes been fitted +In the uWu distwaction o-of this madding fevew! +O benyefit of iww, nyow I find UwU twue +That bettew *looks at you* is, b-by UwU eviw s-stiww *teleports behind you* made bettew. +And w-wuinyed wove w-when it is buiwt anyew +Gwows faiwew than at >_< fiwst, mowe stwong, faw gweatew. +So I-I wetuwn webuked to my content, +And gain by iwws thwice mowe *pokes you* than I *pokes you* have spent. + + +120 +>w< That you w-wewe once unkind befwiends m-me nyow, +And fow that sowwow, which I t-then did feew, +>w< Nyeeds must I undew xDD my twansgwession b-bow, +*cries* Unwess my nyewves wewe uWu bwass ow hammewed steew. +Fow if you wewe by my unkindnyess shaken +*teleports behind you* As I by >_< youws, y'have passed a-a heww of time, +And *moans* I a tywant *leans over* have nyo weisuwe taken +To *sighs* weigh h-how once I suffewed in youw cwime. +O that *blushes* ouw nyight of woe might have wemembewed +My deepest *hugs tightly* sense, how hawd twue sowwow hits, +And ^-^ soon to you, as you to *notices bulge* me then tendewed +The h-humbwe xDD sawve, which wounded bosoms fits! +But that youw t-twespass nyow becomes a >_> fee, +Minye wansoms youws, and youws must wansom me. + + +*sweats* 121 +'Tis *twerks* bettew to *looks at you* be *moans* viwe than viwe esteemed, +When nyot to be, weceives wepwoach of being, +uWu And *twerks* the just pweasuwe *looks at you* wost, which is s-so deemed, +Nyot by *moans* ouw feewing, but by othews' x3 seeing. +Fow why *shuffles closer* shouwd othews' fawse aduwtewate eyes +Give sawutation t-to x3 my spowtive bwood? +O-Ow on my :33 fwaiwties why awe fwaiwew spies, +W-Which in theiw w-wiwws count bad w-what I think good? +Nyo, I ;;w;; am that I a-am, and >_> they that wevew +At my abuses, w-weckon up theiw own, +I m-may be stwaight t-though they themsewves be bevew; +By theiw wank thoughts, my deeds must :3 nyot be shown +Unwess this genyewaw eviw t-they maintain, +Aww men awe bad a-and in theiw badnyess w-weign. + + +122 +Thy gift, thy tabwes, a-awe within my bwain +Fuww chawactewed with wasting memowy, +Which *leans over* shaww above that idwe *hugs tightly* wank wemain +Beyond aww date *screams* even :3 to etewnyity. +Ow at the weast, ^-^ so wong *sighs* as bwain and heawt +Have *looks at you* facuwty by nyatuwe to subsist, +Tiww each t-to wazed obwivion yiewd *giggles shyly* his pawt +Of >_> thee, thy wecowd nyevew can b-be missed: +That poow w-wetention couwd nyot so much howd, +*shuffles closer* Nyow nyeed I tawwies thy deaw wove to scowe, +Thewefowe to give x3 them fwom me was I bowd, +To t-twust t-those tabwes that w-weceive thee mowe: +To keep an adjunct to wemembew *sighs* thee +Wewe to impowt fowgetfuwnyess in me. + + +123 +N-Nyo! Time, thou shawt n-nyot boast that I do change, +Thy pywamids b-buiwt up with n-nyewew might +To me awe *cuddles you* nyothing nyovew, nyothing stwange, +They awe :33 but dwessings *sighs* Of a-a fowmew sight: +Ouw dates awe bwief, and thewefowe we admiwe, +What thou dost foist upon us x3 that is owd, +And wathew make them bown to ouw desiwe, +Than t-think that we x3 befowe have heawd them >_> towd: +Thy wegistews and t-thee I both defy, +Nyot wond'wing at the pwesent, nyow the *pokes you* past, +Fow *sighs* thy wecowds, and what we see doth w-wie, +M-Made mowe ow wess by thy *hugs tightly* continyuaw haste: +This I do vow and this shaww e-evew be, +I w-wiww *sighs* be twue despite thy scythe and thee. + + +124 +If m-my deaw w-wove wewe but the c-chiwd *cries* of state, +It might fow Fowtunye's bastawd b-be unfathewed, +As subject to time's wove ow to time's h-hate, +Weeds a-among weeds, ow fwowews w-with fwowews gathewed. +Nyo i-it was buiwded *pokes you* faw fwom accident, +I-It suffews OwO nyot in smiwing pomp, *shuffles closer* nyow fawws +Undew the bwow of t-thwawwed discontent, +Wheweto :3 th' inviting time ouw f-fashion cawws: +It feaws nyot powicy t-that hewetic, +Which wowks on weases of *looks away* showt-nyumbewed houws, +But aww awonye OwO stands *pokes you* hugewy *screams* powitic, +*hugs tightly* That it *cuddles you* nyow gwows with UwU heat, nyow dwowns with showews. +To this I witnyess :3 caww the *moans* foows of time, +Which die *giggles shyly* fow g-goodnyess, *twerks* who have wived fow cwime. + + +125 +Wewe't aught to me I bowe the *sighs* canyopy, +*teleports behind you* With my extewn the outwawd honyouwing, +Ow waid gweat bases fow e-etewnyity, +W-Which pwoves mowe showt than waste ow wuinying? +Have I nyot seen dwewwews on *leans over* fowm and favouw +Wose aww, and mowe by paying too much *twerks* went +Fow compound *cries* sweet; fowgoing simpwe savouw, +Pitifuw *twerks* thwivews in theiw gazing spent? +N-Nyo, wet me be o-obsequious in thy heawt, +And uWu take t-thou my obwation, poow but fwee, +Which is nyot mixed with seconds, knyows nyo awt, +But mutuaw wendew, onwy me fow thee. +Hence, thou s-subownyed infowmew, a-a t-twue souw +W-When most impeached, stands weast in thy contwow. + + +126 +^w^ O thou *pokes you* my *notices bulge* wovewy boy who in thy powew, +Dost howd *pokes you* Time's fickwe gwass his fickwe houw: +Who hast by wanying gwown, *twerks* and *teleports behind you* thewein show'st, +Thy UwU wovews withewing, as thy sweet *sweats* sewf gwow'st. +If Nyatuwe (soveweign mistwess *cuddles you* ovew wwack) +As thou goest o-onwawds stiww wiww *leans over* pwuck >w< thee b-back, +S-She keeps thee to *hugs tightly* this puwpose, that hew skiww +May *notices bulge* time disgwace, and wwetched m-minyutes kiww. +Yet feaw hew O thou minyion of hew pweasuwe, +She m-may detain, *leans over* but nyot stiww keep hew tweasuwe! +uWu Hew audit (though ^w^ dewayed) answewed *giggles shyly* must be, +And hew quietus is to wendew thee. + + +127 +In the o-owd age bwack was nyot counted faiw, +*notices bulge* Ow if it wewe it bowe nyot ^w^ beauty's *teleports behind you* nyame: +*cuddles you* But nyow i-is >_< bwack beauty's successive heiw, +xDD And beauty swandewed with ;;w;; a bastawd shame, +Fow since each hand hath put on n-nyatuwe's powew, +Faiwing the fouw with awt's fawse b-bowwowed face, +Sweet beauty hath nyo nyame nyo howy bowew, +But is pwofanyed, if nyot wives in disgwace. +Thewefowe my mistwess' eyes awe waven *sighs* bwack, +Hew eyes so suited, and they ^w^ mouwnyews seem, +At such who nyot b-bown faiw n-nyo *notices bulge* beauty ^w^ wack, +Swandewing cweation *giggles shyly* with a f-fawse esteem, +Yet so they mouwn becoming of t-theiw woe, +That evewy tongue says *blushes* beauty shouwd wook s-so. + + +128 +How *looks at you* oft when thou, my music, m-music pway'st, +Upon that bwessed w-wood *sweats* whose motion sounds +With t-thy sweet f-fingews when t-thou gentwy sway'st +The wiwy *looks away* concowd that minye eaw confounds, +Do I envy those jacks that nyimbwe weap, +To k-kiss the tendew inwawd of thy hand, +Whiwst m-my *blushes* poow wips which shouwd ^w^ that hawvest weap, +At the wood's bowdnyess by xDD thee *giggles shyly* bwushing stand. +To b-be so tickwed they wouwd change theiw state +And situation with t-those dancing chips, +O'ew whom OwO thy fingews UwU wawk with *cuddles you* gentwe gait, +Making dead wood mowe bwest than w-wiving wips, +Since saucy jacks so happy awe i-in this, +Give them thy fingews, me thy wips *blushes* to kiss. + + +129 +Th' expense ^-^ of spiwit in a waste of shame +Is wust in action, and tiww *screams* action, wust +Is pewjuwed, muwd'wous, bwoody fuww ^.^ of bwame, +uWu Savage, extweme, wude, c-cwuew, nyot to twust, +Enjoyed nyo soonyew but despised stwaight, +*blushes* Past weason hunted, a-and nyo soonyew had +Past weason hated as a-a *cries* swawwowed bait, +On puwpose waid to m-make t-the t-takew mad. +Mad in p-puwsuit a-and in possession so, +Had, having, and in q-quest, to have extweme, +A bwiss i-in *teleports behind you* pwoof and pwoved, a-a vewy woe, +Befowe *twerks* a joy pwoposed behind >_< a *leans over* dweam. +Aww this the wowwd w-weww knyows yet *twerks* nyonye knyows *sweats* weww, +*giggles shyly* To shun the heaven ^-^ that weads men to this heww. + + +130 +My mistwess' *shuffles closer* eyes awe nyothing wike the *hugs tightly* sun, +Cowaw is faw mowe wed, than hew wips wed, +I-If snyow be white, why then >_> hew bweasts awe dun: +If haiws be wiwes, b-bwack xDD wiwes *sighs* gwow on hew head: +I have seen woses damasked, wed and *cuddles you* white, +But nyo such woses see I in hew *cuddles you* cheeks, +And *looks away* in some pewfumes is thewe mowe dewight, +Than *leans over* in the bweath :33 that >w< fwom m-my mistwess *blushes* weeks. +I wove to heaw hew speak, yet weww I-I knyow, +That music hath a *leans over* faw m-mowe pweasing sound: +I gwant I-I nyevew saw a *sweats* goddess go, +My mistwess when she wawks tweads on the gwound. +And yet by heaven I think my wove as wawe, +A-As a-any she bewied with fawse compawe. + + +131 +Thou awt as tywannyous, so as thou awt, +As those whose beauties pwoudwy m-make them cwuew; +Fow weww thou knyow'st *sighs* to my deaw *cuddles you* doting h-heawt +Thou awt the faiwest and m-most pwecious jewew. +Yet in good :3 faith s-some say *hugs tightly* that thee behowd, +Thy face hath nyot the powew to make wove gwoan; +To *looks at you* say they eww, I-I dawe nyot be UwU so bowd, +>_< Awthough I sweaw it to my sewf *twerks* awonye. +And to be suwe t-that uWu is uWu nyot fawse I-I sweaw, +A thousand gwoans but thinking on thy face, +Onye on anyothew's nyeck do witnyess beaw +Thy bwack ^-^ is f-faiwest in *giggles shyly* my judgment's p-pwace. +In nyothing awt thou bwack save i-in thy deeds, +And thence this swandew as I think *giggles shyly* pwoceeds. + + +*giggles shyly* 132 +Thinye *hugs tightly* eyes I wove, :33 and they as pitying m-me, +Knyowing thy heawt xDD towment me with disdain, +Have put on bwack, *sighs* and woving mouwnyews be, +Wooking with pwetty wuth upon m-my pain. +*blushes* And twuwy nyot the m-mownying sun of heaven +Bettew becomes t-the gwey c-cheeks of the east, +Nyow that fuww s-staw that :33 ushews in the even +Doth h-hawf that g-gwowy to the s-sobew west +A-As those two m-mouwnying eyes b-become thy face: +O wet it t-then as weww *notices bulge* beseem thy heawt +To mouwn fow me since mouwnying d-doth thee gwace, +And s-suit thy pity wike in e-evewy *shuffles closer* pawt. +Then wiww I sweaw >w< beauty hewsewf is bwack, +And *teleports behind you* aww they *cries* fouw that thy compwexion *moans* wack. + + +133 +B-Beshwew that heawt that makes my heawt to gwoan +UwU Fow that deep wound it gives m-my fwiend and me; +Is't nyot *hugs tightly* enyough to towtuwe me awonye, +^w^ But swave to swavewy my sweet'st fwiend must be? +Me fwom m-my sewf thy *notices bulge* cwuew eye hath taken, +A-And my nyext sewf *twerks* thou hawdew hast engwossed, +O-Of him, my sewf, ;;w;; and thee I >_> am fowsaken, +A t-towment thwice thwee-fowd thus to be *looks away* cwossed: +Pwison ^.^ my heawt OwO in thy steew bosom's wawd, +But then my fwiend's h-heawt wet my poow heawt b-baiw, +Whoe'ew keeps me, wet m-my h-heawt be his guawd, +OwO Thou canst nyot UwU then *blushes* use wigouw in *cuddles you* my gaow. +And yet thou *sweats* wiwt, fow I being pent *sweats* in ^-^ thee, +Pewfowce am thinye and aww that *pokes you* is i-in me. + + +134 +So n-nyow I have confessed that *leans over* he is thinye, +And I my s-sewf am mowtgaged to thy wiww, +My sewf I-I'ww fowfeit, *sighs* so that othew minye, +x3 Thou w-wiwt westowe to be my comfowt *teleports behind you* stiww: +But thou wiwt nyot, nyow he wiww nyot be fwee, +Fow :33 thou *pokes you* awt covetous, a-and he is kind, +He *teleports behind you* weawnyed but suwety-wike to wwite f-fow me, +Undew t-that bond that him as f-fist doth xDD bind. +The statute of *leans over* thy beauty thou wiwt take, +T-Thou usuwew *screams* that p-put'st *giggles shyly* fowth aww uWu to use, +A-And sue a *leans over* fwiend, *cries* came debtow fow *notices bulge* my sake, +^.^ So him I wose thwough my OwO unkind abuse. +Him have I wost, t-thou hast both him and me, +He pays the whowe, a-and *looks at you* yet am I nyot f-fwee. + + +135 +Whoevew hath ^.^ hew wish, t-thou hast thy *hugs tightly* wiww, +And 'Wiww' to boot, and '-'Wiww' >w< in ovew-pwus, +Mowe than *shuffles closer* enyough am I that vex thee stiww, +To t-thy sweet wiww making addition thus. +W-Wiwt *looks away* thou whose wiww is w-wawge a-and spacious, +N-Nyot once vouchsafe to hide my *pokes you* wiww in thinye? +^-^ Shaww w-wiww in othews seem wight *sweats* gwacious, +And OwO in m-my wiww *leans over* nyo *cries* faiw acceptance shinye? +The sea aww w-watew, yet weceives w-wain *cries* stiww, +And *blushes* in abundance OwO addeth to his stowe, +So thou being *hugs tightly* wich in wiww add >_< to thy wiww +Onye w-wiww o-of minye to make thy wawge wiww mowe. +Wet *giggles shyly* nyo unkind, nyo faiw beseechews kiww, +Think aww but onye, a-and me in that *cries* onye >w< 'Wiww.' + + +136 +If thy souw check *blushes* thee t-that I c-come so nyeaw, +Sweaw *pokes you* to thy bwind souw that I *giggles shyly* was thy 'Wiww', +And w-wiww thy souw knyows is admitted *shuffles closer* thewe, +T-Thus faw fow wove, my wove-suit sweet fuwfiw. +'Wiww', wiww *leans over* fuwfiw the *blushes* tweasuwe of thy wove, +A-Ay, fiww it fuww with wiwws, and my wiww onye, +In things of gweat weceipt with *sweats* case we pwove, +Among *hugs tightly* a nyumbew onye i-is weckonyed nyonye. +T-Then in the nyumbew wet me pass untowd, +Though i-in thy stowe's account I onye must be, +Fow nyothing howd me, so i-it uWu pwease t-thee *twerks* howd, +That nyothing *looks away* me, a something sweet to thee. +M-Make but my nyame thy w-wove, and *moans* wove that stiww, +And then t-thou *sighs* wov'st m-me >w< fow my nyame i-is Wiww. + + +137 +*giggles shyly* Thou >_> bwind foow *leans over* Wove, what dost thou x3 to minye eyes, +That they behowd a-and see nyot what they ^-^ see? +T-They *notices bulge* knyow what *shuffles closer* beauty i-is, see w-whewe it wies, +Yet what the best is, take the wowst to be. +If eyes cowwupt by ovew-pawtiaw wooks, +Be anchowed i-in *looks away* the bay whewe a-aww men wide, +W-Why of eyes' fawsehood hast t-thou fowged h-hooks, +Wheweto the judgment of my heawt i-is tied? +Why shouwd my heawt t-think that a s-sevewaw pwot, +Which my heawt knyows the wide wowwd's common pwace? +;;w;; Ow minye eyes seeing this, say t-this is nyot +To put faiw twuth upon *hugs tightly* so fouw a face? +In things wight t-twue my heawt and eyes have e-ewwed, +^w^ And to this fawse pwague awe they n-nyow twansfewwed. + + +138 +^-^ When my w-wove sweaws that she is made of twuth, +I do bewieve hew t-though I knyow she wies, +That she might t-think me some untutowed youth, +Unweawnyed in the wowwd's fawse subtweties. +Thus vainwy thinking that uWu she *moans* thinks me young, +Awthough she k-knyows my xDD days awe past the best, +Simpwy I cwedit hew *blushes* fawse-speaking tongue, +On both s-sides t-thus >_< is simpwe twuth suppwessed: +*teleports behind you* But whewefowe says she nyot she is unjust? +A-And whewefowe *teleports behind you* say nyot I-I *hugs tightly* that I am owd? +O wove's *notices bulge* best ^w^ habit is in ^.^ seeming twust, +And *cries* age in wove, uWu woves nyot to have y-yeaws towd. +Thewefowe I wie *looks away* with hew, and she with me, +x3 And in ouw fauwts by wies we uWu fwattewed be. + + +139 +O caww :33 nyot me t-to justify the wwong, +That thy unkindnyess ways upon my heawt, +Wound me nyot ;;w;; with *leans over* thinye eye but with thy tongue, +Use powew with p-powew, a-and sway me nyot by a-awt, +Teww m-me thou wov'st ewsewhewe; but xDD in my sight, +Deaw heawt fowbeaw to gwance thinye eye *twerks* aside, +*leans over* What *giggles shyly* nyeed'st thou w-wound with cunnying *shuffles closer* when thy might +Is mowe than my o'ewpwessed defence can b-bide? +W-Wet *twerks* me *shuffles closer* excuse thee, ah my wove weww *twerks* knyows, +H-Hew pwetty wooks have been minye e-enyemies, +A-And thewefowe fwom m-my face she tuwns my foes, +That they ewsewhewe *moans* might dawt theiw injuwies: +Yet do nyot so, but since ^w^ I am nyeaw swain, +Kiww *cries* me o-outwight with wooks, and wid my pain. + + +uWu 140 +B-Be wise a-as thou *hugs tightly* awt cwuew, *leans over* do nyot p-pwess +My tongue-tied p-patience with too much disdain: +West sowwow wend me *cuddles you* wowds :33 and wowds expwess, +The *moans* mannyew of my pity-wanting pain. +If I might teach thee wit bettew it wewe, +^.^ Though *pokes you* nyot to wove, yet *pokes you* wove to t-teww *screams* me so, +A-As testy sick men when >_< theiw deaths be nyeaw, +Nyo nyews but heawth fwom xDD theiw *sweats* physicians knyow. +Fow i-if I >_< shouwd despaiw I shouwd gwow mad, +And in my madnyess might s-speak iww of thee, +Nyow this iww-wwesting *notices bulge* wowwd is gwown so b-bad, +Mad swandewews by mad eaws bewieved be. +That I may nyot be so, nyow thou bewied, +*shuffles closer* Beaw thinye eyes stwaight, though thy pwoud heawt go wide. + + +141 +In faith I do *pokes you* nyot wove thee with minye eyes, +Fow they in thee a thousand ewwows nyote, +But 'tis my x3 heawt that woves what t-they despise, +Who i-in despite of view is pweased xDD to *moans* dote. +Nyow a-awe minye caws *moans* with thy tongue's OwO tunye dewighted, +N-Nyow tendew feewing to base touches pwonye, +Nyow taste, nyow smeww, d-desiwe t-to be i-invited +To any sensuaw feast with t-thee awonye: +*pokes you* But my five wits, nyow my five senses can +Dissuade onye *cuddles you* foowish heawt *sweats* fwom sewving thee, +Who w-weaves unswayed t-the wikenyess o-of a man, +Thy pwoud heawt's swave a-and vassaw w-wwetch ^.^ to UwU be: +Onwy my pwague thus faw *notices bulge* I *cuddles you* count :3 my gain, +That she that makes me sin, awawds me pain. + + +142 +Wove is my sin, and thy deaw v-viwtue hate, +OwO Hate of my sin, gwounded on sinfuw woving, +O *screams* but with minye, compawe thou *screams* thinye own *looks at you* state, +And ^-^ thou shawt find it mewits n-nyot w-wepwoving, +Ow if it do, n-nyot fwom those wips of *screams* thinye, +*sweats* That have pwofanyed t-theiw *blushes* scawwet ownyaments, +And seawed fawse bonds of wove as oft a-as minye, +Wobbed othews' b-beds' wevenyues of theiw w-wents. +*cries* Be it wawfuw ;;w;; I wove thee as thou wov'st those, +Whom thinye *sighs* eyes woo as minye impowtunye thee, +xDD Woot pity in t-thy heawt x3 that when it gwows, +Thy pity may desewve to pitied be. +If thou d-dost seek to have w-what *giggles shyly* thou dost hide, +By sewf-exampwe mayst thou be denyied. + + +143 +Wo as a cawefuw h-huswife wuns to catch, +:3 Onye of hew feathewed ^w^ cweatuwes bwoke away, +:3 Sets down hew babe and makes aww swift dispatch +In puwsuit of the thing she wouwd have stay: +Whiwst hew nyegwected chiwd howds h-hew in UwU chase, +Cwies to catch hew whose busy cawe is bent, +To fowwow that which f-fwies befowe hew face: +;;w;; Nyot pwizing hew poow infant's discontent; +So wun'st thou aftew that which fwies fwom thee, +Whiwst I thy babe chase t-thee afaw behind, +But if :3 thou catch thy hope tuwn back xDD to me: +And pway t-the ^-^ mothew's pawt, kiss me, be kind. +So wiww I pway that thou *moans* mayst have thy Wiww, +If thou tuwn *teleports behind you* back and my woud cwying stiww. + + +144 +OwO Two woves I have of *leans over* comfowt a-and despaiw, +Which wike two spiwits *looks away* do suggest me s-stiww, +*twerks* The b-bettew angew :33 is a m-man >_< wight f-faiw: +T-The wowsew spiwit a woman *cuddles you* cowouwed iww. +uWu To w-win me soon to heww my *screams* femawe eviw, +Tempteth my bettew angew fwom my side, +And wouwd cowwupt UwU my saint t-to be a deviw: +*moans* Wooing h-his puwity with hew fouw pwide. +And whethew that my angew be tuwnyed *twerks* fiend, +Suspect I-I may, yet nyot diwectwy t-teww, +:3 But being uWu both :3 fwom me both to each fwiend, +I guess onye angew in anyothew's >_> heww. +Yet this shaww I nye'ew knyow but wive *cries* in *cries* doubt, +*sweats* Tiww my bad angew *leans over* fiwe *cuddles you* my good *moans* onye out. + + +145 +Those wips that *twerks* Wove's own x3 hand did make, +*sighs* Bweathed fowth the sound that said 'I hate', +To me that w-wanguished fow hew sake: +But when she *sweats* saw my woefuw state, +Stwaight *sweats* in *twerks* hew heawt did *sweats* mewcy come, +Chiding ^w^ that tongue that x3 evew sweet, +W-Was >_< used in giving gentwe doom: +And taught it thus anyew to gweet: +'I hate' she awtewed with an end, +>_< That fowwowed it a-as gentwe day, +D-Doth f-fowwow nyight who *cuddles you* wike a f-fiend +Fwom *sighs* heaven to h-heww is *cries* fwown *twerks* away. +'I h-hate', :3 fwom *blushes* hate away she thwew, +And saved my wife saying ^.^ 'nyot you'. + + +146 +Poow souw the centwe of x3 my sinfuw eawth, +My sinfuw eawth t-these webew powews awway, +Why dost thou pinye within and s-suffew deawth +Painting thy outwawd wawws so costwy g-gay? +W-Why so w-wawge cost having so showt a-a wease, +Dost thou upon thy fading mansion *looks at you* spend? +Shaww *shuffles closer* wowms inhewitows o-of t-this e-excess +Eat up thy *blushes* chawge? is *notices bulge* this thy b-body's e-end? +Then souw w-wive thou *notices bulge* upon thy sewvant's woss, +And UwU wet that pinye t-to aggwavate thy stowe; +Buy tewms divinye i-in sewwing houws o-of dwoss; +Within *twerks* be fed, without be wich nyo m-mowe, +uWu So shaww *looks away* thou feed on ^-^ death, that feeds on men, +A-And :3 death once *sighs* dead, thewe's nyo mowe dying then. + + +147 +My wove is as OwO a fevew w-wonging s-stiww, +Fow that which wongew n-nyuwseth the disease, +Feeding on that which doth pwesewve t-the iww, +Th' uncewtain s-sickwy appetite to pwease: +My weason the p-physician to ^-^ my w-wove, +Angwy that his pwescwiptions awe OwO nyot uWu kept +Hath weft ;;w;; me, and I ^-^ despewate nyow appwove, +Desiwe is death, which physic d-did except. +Past cuwe I am, n-nyow *looks away* weason is *moans* past cawe, +And fwantic-mad with evewmowe uWu unwest, +My thoughts and my discouwse a-as *pokes you* mad men's awe, +At w-wandom fwom the *screams* twuth v-vainwy expwessed. +F-Fow I ^w^ have swown thee *twerks* faiw, and thought t-thee bwight, +*cuddles you* Who awt as bwack xDD as heww, *cries* as xDD dawk as :3 nyight. + + +148 +O ^w^ me! what eyes hath wove put in m-my head, +Which have nyo c-cowwespondence w-with twue s-sight, +Ow if they have, whewe *leans over* is my judgment f-fwed, +That c-censuwes fawsewy w-what they s-see awight? +If that be xDD faiw wheweon *hugs tightly* my fawse *pokes you* eyes dote, +What means the wowwd t-to say it *pokes you* is *hugs tightly* nyot so? +uWu If it be nyot, then wove doth weww denyote, +*sweats* Wove's eye is nyot so twue *leans over* as aww men's: n-nyo, +*cries* How can it? O how can wove's eye *twerks* be t-twue, +That is so vexed with watching and *notices bulge* with teaws? +Nyo mawvew then though *pokes you* I mistake my v-view, +The sun it sewf sees nyot, t-tiww heaven cweaws. +O cunnying wove, with teaws thou keep'st me bwind, +W-West e-eyes weww-seeing thy fouw fauwts shouwd find. + + +149 +Canst thou O cwuew, *looks away* say I wove *pokes you* thee OwO nyot, +When I against my sewf with thee pawtake? +Do I >w< nyot think on *leans over* thee when I ;;w;; fowgot +Am of my sewf, aww-tywant, fow thy *screams* sake? +Who xDD hateth thee that I do caww ;;w;; my fwiend, +On :33 whom f-fwown'st thou that I do fawn upon, +Nyay *sweats* if thou wouw'st on me do I nyot spend +W-Wevenge upon xDD my *giggles shyly* sewf with pwesent moan? +What mewit *screams* do *cuddles you* I i-in my sewf wespect, +That is so pwoud *sighs* thy sewvice to despise, +When aww *looks at you* my best doth wowship t-thy defect, +Commanded b-by the m-motion of thinye eyes? +But wove hate on ;;w;; fow n-nyow *twerks* I knyow thy mind, +Those that can see thou w-wov'st, and *sweats* I am >w< bwind. + + +150 +O x3 fwom what powew *notices bulge* hast thou >_> this x3 powewfuw might, +With insufficiency my heawt to sway, +To :33 make :33 me give *hugs tightly* the wie to my twue sight, +And sweaw that bwightnyess doth nyot gwace the day? +*notices bulge* Whence hast thou this b-becoming *pokes you* of things iww, +x3 That *twerks* in UwU the vewy wefuse of thy d-deeds, +*moans* Thewe *cries* is *teleports behind you* such stwength and w-wawwantise *pokes you* of s-skiww, +That in my mind *sighs* thy wowst aww best exceeds? +Who taught thee x3 how to make me wove thee mowe, +The mowe I heaw and see just cause of hate? +O though I ^w^ wove what othews do abhow, +W-With othews thou shouwdst nyot abhow my state. +If thy unwowthinyess w-waised wove in me, +Mowe wowthy I t-to xDD be bewoved of *pokes you* thee. + + +151 +Wove *giggles shyly* is t-too young to knyow what c-conscience *sighs* is, +Y-Yet who *hugs tightly* knyows nyot c-conscience is bown of wove? +Then gentwe cheatew uwge nyot m-my amiss, +West g-guiwty of my fauwts thy sweet sewf pwove. +*pokes you* Fow thou betwaying me, I *notices bulge* do betway +My nyobwew pawt to my gwoss body's tweason, +My souw doth teww my body t-that he may, +Twiumph in wove, fwesh stays nyo ^w^ fawthew weason, +B-But UwU wising at t-thy nyame doth point out thee, +As his *looks away* twiumphant pwize, pwoud of this pwide, +He is contented thy poow dwudge to be, +To stand in thy affaiws, faww by *twerks* thy side. +Nyo want of conscience howd it that I-I caww, +Hew wove, fow whose *looks at you* deaw *teleports behind you* wove I wise a-and faww. + + +*shuffles closer* 152 +UwU In woving thee thou k-knyow'st I am fowswown, +But thou awt twice fowswown t-to me wove sweawing, +In act thy b-bed-vow bwoke and nyew faith town, +In v-vowing nyew hate aftew nyew wove ^w^ beawing: +But ;;w;; why of two oaths' bweach d-do I-I accuse thee, +*leans over* When I bweak twenty? I am pewjuwed most, +Fow aww my v-vows awe oaths but to misuse thee: +And a-aww m-my honyest >_< faith in thee is wost. +Fow *teleports behind you* I *looks away* have ^.^ swown deep oaths *sweats* of thy deep k-kindnyess: +O-Oaths of thy wove, >_> thy twuth, thy c-constancy, +And to enwighten thee *leans over* gave *pokes you* eyes to bwindnyess, +Ow made them sweaw against the thing they see. +Fow *twerks* I ;;w;; have swown thee faiw: mowe pewjuwed I, +To sweaw against the twuth so f-fouw a be. + + +153 +Cupid w-waid by his bwand and feww asweep, +*cries* A *shuffles closer* maid of Dian's this advantage found, +And his wove-kindwing fiwe did quickwy steep +In a cowd vawwey-fountain of t-that gwound: +*moans* Which bowwowed fwom this howy fiwe *cries* of Wove, +A datewess UwU wivewy heat stiww to enduwe, +And gwew a seeting bath which *sweats* yet men pwove, +Against stwange xDD mawadies a soveweign cuwe: +But *sweats* at my mistwess' eye Wove's bwand nyew-fiwed, +The boy fow twiaw nyeeds wouwd touch my bweast, +I sick w-withaw the hewp *giggles shyly* of bath desiwed, +And t-thithew hied a sad distempewed guest. +B-But found nyo c-cuwe, t-the bath fow my h-hewp wies, +Whewe Cupid got nyew fiwe; *cuddles you* my mistwess' eyes. + + +154 +The wittwe W-Wove-god wying *notices bulge* once asweep, +Waid by his side h-his heawt-infwaming bwand, +Whiwst many nymphs ;;w;; that vowed *moans* chaste wife to *leans over* keep, +Came >_> twipping by, *hugs tightly* but in hew maiden hand, +The faiwest votawy took up *shuffles closer* that fiwe, +*looks away* Which many wegions x3 of ^w^ twue heawts had wawmed, +And so the genyewaw o-of hot desiwe, +Was sweeping OwO by ^.^ a viwgin hand disawmed. +This *sweats* bwand *looks at you* she quenched in a coow weww by, +Which *sweats* fwom :3 Wove's fiwe took heat pewpetuaw, +Gwowing a bath and *pokes you* heawthfuw wemedy, +Fow men d-discased, *twerks* but I m-my mistwess' thwaww, +Came thewe fow *cries* cuwe and this b-by that I pwove, +W-Wove's fiwe heats watew, watew coows nyot w-wove. + + +THE END + + + +<_> USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES *twerks* BY *screams* ANY +S-SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1603 + +AWWS WEWW THAT ENDS WEWW + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +KING ^w^ OF FWANCE +THE DUKE OF FWOWENCE +BEWTWAM, Count of Wousiwwon +WAFEU, x3 an owd wowd +*hugs tightly* PAWOWWES, a fowwowew of Bewtwam +TWO FWENCH WOWDS, sewving OwO with *teleports behind you* Bewtwam + +S-STEWAWD, Sewvant to the ^-^ Countess of Wousiwwon +WAVACHE, a cwown and Sewvant t-to the Countess of *cuddles you* Wousiwwon +A x3 PAGE, Sewvant to the C-Countess of Wousiwwon + +COUNTESS OF WOUSIWWON, mothew to Bewtwam +H-HEWENyA, a gentwewoman *blushes* pwotected by the C-Countess +A-A WIDOW OF FWOWENCE. +DIANyA, *cries* daughtew to ;;w;; the Widow + + +*twerks* VIOWENTA, nyeighbouw *looks at you* and uWu fwiend to the Widow +MAWIANyA, n-nyeighbouw OwO and fwiend to the Widow + +Wowds, Officews, S-Sowdiews, etc., Fwench and Fwowentinye + + + +<> + + + + +SCENyE: +W-Wousiwwon; Pawis; Fwowence; M-Mawseiwwes + + +ACT I. SCENyE 1-1. +:3 Wousiwwon. The *cries* COUNT'S pawace + +Entew BEWTWAM, the COUNTESS OF WOUSIWWON, H-HEWENyA, and WAFEU, aww in bwack + +*sighs* COUNTESS. *screams* In dewivewing my son xDD fwom *leans over* me, I buwy *blushes* a second husband. +*twerks* BEWTWAM. And *pokes you* I in going, *cries* madam, weep o'ew my fathew's death ;;w;; anyew; +but I :3 must attend his Majesty's UwU command, to whom I am n-nyow i-in +wawd, evewmowe i-in subjection. +WAFEU. You shaww find >_< of the King a husband, m-madam; you, siw, a +fathew. He that so genyewawwy is a-at aww times good m-must of +n-nyecessity howd h-his viwtue to you, whose *teleports behind you* wowthinyess wouwd stiw it +up whewe it *blushes* wanted, wathew t-than wack it whewe *notices bulge* thewe is such +abundance. +COUNTESS. What h-hope *twerks* is thewe of h-his Majesty's amendment? +WAFEU. *screams* He hath abandon'd his physicians, m-madam; undew whose +pwactices he *looks away* hath OwO pewsecuted t-time with hope, and finds nyo o-othew +advantage in t-the pwocess but onwy the wosing o-of h-hope b-by *blushes* time. +COUNTESS. This young gentwewoman had a-a ^-^ fathew- O, t-that 'had,' how +sad a passage 'tis!-whose s-skiww was awmost a-as gweat a-as his +honyesty; h-had it stwetch'd so faw, wouwd have made nyatuwe +immowtaw, and death shouwd have p-pway fow wack of wowk. Wouwd, fow +the King's sake, he wewe wiving! I-I think i-it wouwd be the ;;w;; death of +the K-King's disease. +WAFEU. How caww'd you *sweats* the man you *sighs* speak of, madam? +COUNTESS. He was famous, s-siw, in his UwU pwofession, and it ^w^ was *sweats* his +gweat wight t-to be so- Gewawd OwO de Nyawbon. +WAFEU. *sighs* He was excewwent indeed, madam; the King vewy watewy spoke +*cries* of h-him admiwingwy and mouwnyingwy; he *cries* was skiwfuw enyough to have +*cries* wiv'd stiww, if k-knyowwedge couwd be set up against mowtawity. +BEWTWAM. What is it, my good wowd, the UwU King wanguishes o-of? +WAFEU. A fistuwa, m-my wowd. +*hugs tightly* BEWTWAM. I heawd *leans over* nyot of it *hugs tightly* befowe. +WAFEU. I wouwd it wewe nyot nyotowious. Was *sweats* this gentwewoman the +daughtew of Gewawd *notices bulge* de Nyawbon? +*sighs* COUNTESS. His sowe chiwd, my *sighs* wowd, and bequeathed to my +ovewwooking. I have those hopes of hew good that hew education +pwomises; hew dispositions she inhewits, which makes f-faiw ;;w;; gifts +faiwew; fow whewe an u-uncwean *cries* mind cawwies viwtuous q-quawities, +*pokes you* thewe uWu commendations go with p-pity-they awe viwtues a-and twaitows +too. In hew they awe the bettew fow theiw s-simpwenyess; *moans* she dewives +hew honyesty, and achieves hew goodnyess. +*cuddles you* WAFEU. Youw commendations, *notices bulge* madam, get fwom hew ^w^ teaws. +uWu COUNTESS. '-'Tis *moans* the best bwinye a maiden can season h-hew *pokes you* pwaise in. +*screams* The wemembwance of hew fathew nyevew appwoaches hew h-heawt but the +*leans over* tywanny of hew sowwows takes aww wivewihood fwom hew cheek. Nyo +mowe of this, H-Hewenya; go *pokes you* to, nyo ^.^ mowe, west >w< it be w-wathew thought +you affect a sowwow than to have- +HEWENyA. I do affect a sowwow indeed, but I have i-it ^-^ too. +*moans* WAFEU. Modewate wamentation is the wight of *screams* the dead: excessive +g-gwief the ^w^ enyemy to the wiving. +COUNTESS. If the wiving be enyemy t-to the gwief, the excess m-makes it +s-soon mowtaw. +B-BEWTWAM. Madam, I-I desiwe y-youw *hugs tightly* howy wishes. +WAFEU. How *looks at you* undewstand we *looks at you* that? +COUNTESS. B-Be t-thou >_< bwest, Bewtwam, a-and succeed thy fathew +In mannyews, as in *looks away* shape! Thy UwU bwood *pokes you* and v-viwtue +Contend fow >_> empiwe in *looks away* thee, and *hugs tightly* thy goodnyess +Shawe with thy biwthwight! *looks away* Wove aww, twust a few, +D-Do w-wwong ^.^ to nyonye; be abwe f-fow thinye *leans over* enyemy +Wathew in powew than use, and keep t-thy fwiend +Undew thy x3 own wife's ^.^ key; be check'd fow OwO siwence, +But *looks away* nyevew tax'd fow s-speech. What h-heaven mowe w-wiww, +T-That thee may fuwnyish, and my pwayews p-pwuck down, +Faww on thy head! Faweweww. My wowd, +'Tis an *teleports behind you* unseason'd couwtiew; good my wowd, +Advise him. +WAFEU. He cannyot OwO want the best +That shaww attend his wove. +COUNTESS. Heaven b-bwess him! Faweweww, Bewtwam. *screams* Exit +uWu BEWTWAM. The best wishes that can b-be f-fowg'd in youw >w< thoughts be +sewvants to you! [To HEWENyA] Be comfowtabwe to my m-mothew, youw +mistwess, and make much of UwU hew. +WAFEU. F-Faweweww, pwetty wady; you must howd the cwedit of youw +fathew. *twerks* Exeunt BEWTWAM and WAFEU +HEWENyA. O, wewe *leans over* that *notices bulge* aww! I t-think nyot >w< on m-my f-fathew; +And these g-gweat teaws gwace his wemembwance m-mowe +Than those I shed fow him. What was ^w^ he wike? +I have fowgot him; my imaginyation +Cawwies *cries* nyo >_< favouw i-in't but Bewtwam's. +I am undonye; t-thewe is nyo *cuddles you* wiving, nyonye, +If Bewtwam b-be a-away. 'Twewe a-aww ^w^ onye +That I shouwd wove a bwight *looks away* pawticuwaw staw +A-And think to ^.^ wed it, he *notices bulge* is *sighs* so above me. +In h-his bwight wadiance *hugs tightly* and cowwatewaw wight +M-Must I-I *looks away* be comfowted, nyot in *shuffles closer* his sphewe. +T-Th' ambition in my :33 wove thus pwagues itsewf: +T-The hind that >_< wouwd be mated by the wion +Must die fow *giggles shyly* wove. '-'Twas p-pwetty, though a pwague, +*screams* To see him evewy houw; to sit uWu and d-dwaw +His *twerks* awched :3 bwows, his hawking ^.^ eye, his cuwws, +In ouw heawt's tabwe-heawt too capabwe +Of evewy winye and twick of his *giggles shyly* sweet favouw. +^.^ But n-nyow he's gonye, and *leans over* my idowatwous fancy +Must sanctify his wewics. Who comes hewe? + +*looks at you* Entew PAWOWWES + +[Aside] Onye t-that g-goes with him. I w-wove him fow his sake; +And yet I knyow him a nyotowious wiaw, +T-Think him *notices bulge* a gweat *blushes* way foow, sowewy a :3 cowawd; +Yet these *sweats* fix'd eviws sit s-so fit in him +That they take pwace when viwtue's steewy bonyes +*blushes* Wooks bweak i' th' OwO cowd wind; withaw, fuww oft we see +Cowd wisdom waiting on s-supewfwuous fowwy. +P-PAWOWWES. Save you, faiw queen! +HEWENyA. And y-you, >_> monyawch! +PAWOWWES. Nyo. +HEWENyA. And n-nyo. +P-PAWOWWES. A-Awe you meditating on ;;w;; viwginyity? +HEWENyA. Ay. Y-You *blushes* have some stain ^-^ of sowdiew i-in y-you; wet x3 me ask you a +question. M-Man is e-enyemy t-to viwginyity; how may we bawwicado it +against h-him? +PAWOWWES. uWu Keep him out. +HEWENyA. B-But >_< he assaiws; a-and ouw viwginyity, though vawiant in t-the +^-^ defence, yet is weak. Unfowd to u-us some *moans* wawwike wesistance. +PAWOWWES. Thewe is nyonye. Man, setting down befowe you, *shuffles closer* wiww +undewminye you and *notices bulge* bwow you up. +HEWENyA. Bwess ouw poow viwginyity fwom undewminyews a-and b-bwowews-up! +I-Is thewe nyo miwitawy powicy how *twerks* viwgins might bwow :3 up m-men? +PAWOWWES. Viwginyity being b-bwown down, man wiww quickwiew ;;w;; be bwown +up; mawwy, in bwowing *blushes* him down again, with t-the bweach youwsewves +m-made, y-you wose youw uWu city. It is nyot powitic in the commonweawth +of ^w^ nyatuwe to pwesewve viwginyity. Woss of viwginyity is wationyaw +incwease; and thewe *twerks* was nyevew v-viwgin got tiww viwginyity was fiwst +w-wost. That you w-wewe made of is metaw t-to make viwgins. *notices bulge* Viwginyity +by being once wost m-may be *moans* ten times f-found; by being evew kept, it +is evew wost. 'Tis x3 too c-cowd a companyion; away with't. +HEWENyA. I wiww stand fow 't a wittwe, though thewefowe I die a +viwgin. +PAWOWWES. Thewe's wittwe can be said *shuffles closer* in 't; 'tis against *blushes* the *hugs tightly* wuwe +of *looks at you* nyatuwe. To speak on :33 the pawt of viwginyity is to accuse youw +mothews; w-which is most infawwibwe d-disobedience. He that hangs +himsewf is a viwgin; viwginyity *leans over* muwdews i-itsewf, *sighs* and *teleports behind you* shouwd *cuddles you* be +buwied in highways, out of aww sanctified wimit, *shuffles closer* as a despewate +o-offendwess against nyatuwe. V-Viwginyity bweeds *hugs tightly* mites, much wike a +cheese; consumes i-itsewf to the vewy pawing, and *cries* so dies with +feeding his own stomach. Besides, viwginyity is peevish, pwoud, +idwe, made *shuffles closer* of sewf-wove, which is the most inhibited OwO sin in the +canyon. Keep it nyot; you cannyot choose but wose by't. *sighs* Out with't. +W-Within ten yeaw i-it wiww *twerks* make i-itsewf ten, which is a goodwy +incwease; and the *pokes you* pwincipaw i-itsewf >_< nyot much t-the wowse. Away +w-with't. +HEWENyA. How might *notices bulge* onye ^-^ do, s-siw, to >_< wose it to *twerks* hew own wiking? +PAWOWWES. Wet *looks away* me see. Mawwy, iww to wike him that nye'ew it wikes. +'Tis a commodity wiww w-wose t-the g-gwoss with w-wying; t-the wongew kept, +the wess wowth. Off with't whiwe 'tis vendibwe; answew the t-time +of wequest. V-Viwginyity, wike *sighs* an owd couwtiew, weaws hew cap out of +fashion, :33 wichwy suited but u-unsuitabwe; just wike the bwooch and +t-the toothpick, which weaw nyot nyow. Youw d-date is b-bettew in y-youw +pie and ^-^ youw powwidge than in y-youw *hugs tightly* cheek. And youw viwginyity, +youw owd viwginyity, is wike onye of ouw *sweats* Fwench withew'd peaws: ^-^ it +w-wooks iww, it eats dwiwy; mawwy, 'tis a withew'd peaw; *cuddles you* it was +fowmewwy bettew; *looks at you* mawwy, yet uWu 'tis a withew'd peaw. Wiww you +anything w-with it? +HEWENyA. Nyot my viwginyity yet. +Thewe shaww youw mastew have UwU a thousand woves, +*hugs tightly* A mothew, and a *hugs tightly* mistwess, and a fwiend, +A phoenyix, c-captain, and an e-enyemy, +*blushes* A guide, a goddess, and a soveweign, +A counsewwow, a twaitwess, and a deaw; +His humbwe *cuddles you* ambition, pwoud h-humiwity, +His jawwing concowd, and his discowd *sighs* duwcet, +His faith, his sweet *sweats* disastew; with *looks at you* a wowwd +Of pwetty, fond, adoptious chwistendoms +^w^ That bwinking Cupid gossips. Nyow shaww he- +I *moans* knyow nyot what he *twerks* shaww. God *sweats* send h-him weww! +The couwt's a w-weawnying-pwace, and *blushes* he i-is onye- +*looks away* PAWOWWES. What onye, i' faith? +HEWENyA. That *cries* I w-wish weww. 'Tis pity- +PAWOWWES. What's *pokes you* pity? +HEWENyA. That wishing xDD weww had nyot a body in't +Which might *sighs* be *screams* fewt; >_< that we, the poowew b-bown, +Whose b-basew staws do shut u-us up in w-wishes, +Might with effects *looks away* of t-them *pokes you* fowwow ouw f-fwiends +And s-show what w-we awonye must think, which *shuffles closer* nyevew +Wetuwns us thanks. + +Entew PAGE + +PAGE. *teleports behind you* Monsieuw Pawowwes, my wowd cawws ^.^ fow you. Exit PAGE +PAWOWWES. Wittwe Hewen, faweweww; if I can w-wemembew thee, I w-wiww +xDD think of thee at couwt. +HEWENyA. Monsieuw Pawowwes, ^-^ you w-wewe bown undew a c-chawitabwe staw. +PAWOWWES. Undew Maws, *sighs* I. +HEWENyA. *looks away* I especiawwy *screams* think, undew Maws. +*cuddles you* PAWOWWES. Why undew Man? +H-HEWENyA. The *leans over* waws ^.^ hath so *leans over* kept ^.^ you undew that you m-must nyeeds be bown +undew Maws. +PAWOWWES. When he was pwedominyant. +HEWENyA. When he was wetwogwade, I think, wathew. +P-PAWOWWES. Why think you so? +HEWENyA. OwO You go so much backwawd w-when you fight. +PAWOWWES. That's fow advantage. +HEWENyA. So is wunnying away, w-when feaw *hugs tightly* pwoposes UwU the safety: but the +composition that youw vawouw and feaw makes in you is a viwtue of +a good *hugs tightly* wing, >_< and I wike t-the w-weaw weww. +>_> PAWOWWES. I am so fuww of businyess I *sweats* cannyot answew thee acutewy. I +wiww wetuwn pewfect couwtiew; in the which m-my *giggles shyly* instwuction shaww +sewve to nyatuwawize *shuffles closer* thee, so thou wiwt be capabwe :3 of a couwtiew's +counsew, *cries* and ^w^ undewstand what advice xDD shaww *hugs tightly* thwust upon thee; ewse +thou diest i-in thinye unthankfuwnyess, and thinye *moans* ignyowance *leans over* makes +thee away. Faweweww. W-When t-thou hast *hugs tightly* weisuwe, s-say thy pwayews; +^.^ when thou hast nyonye, wemembew thy fwiends. Get thee *hugs tightly* a good +husband and use him as h-he uses thee. So, f-faweweww. +Exit +HEWENyA. O-Ouw wemedies oft in ouwsewves do wie, +Which *blushes* we ascwibe OwO to heaven. The fated sky +Gives us fwee scope; onwy *leans over* doth backwawd *shuffles closer* puww +Ouw *shuffles closer* swow d-designs when we ouwsewves xDD awe duww. +What powew is it which mounts *shuffles closer* my wove so h-high, +That makes me see, and cannyot feed m-minye eye? +The *shuffles closer* mightiest space i-in fowtunye nyatuwe *sighs* bwings +To join wike wikes, and kiss wike >w< nyative things. +uWu Impossibwe be stwange attempts to those +That weigh theiw pains in sense, and do suppose +What hath been cannyot be. Who evew stwove +To show hew m-mewit that *leans over* did miss hew wove? +The *looks away* King's disease-my pwoject may deceive me, +B-But my intents awe fix'd, and wiww nyot weave m-me. Exit + + + + +ACT I. SCENyE 2. +Pawis. The KING'S pawace + +Fwouwish of cownyets. :33 Entew the KING *moans* OF FWANCE, with wettews, +and divews ATTENDANTS + +KING. The Fwowentinyes and Senyoys awe by th' eaws; +H-Have fought with equaw *cries* fowtunye, and continyue +A bwaving UwU waw. +uWu FIWST WOWD. So 'tis wepowted, siw. +>_< KING. Nyay, *notices bulge* 'tis most cwedibwe. We hewe weceive >w< it, +A c-cewtainty, vouch'd fwom ouw cousin Austwia, +:33 With caution, that the *hugs tightly* Fwowentinye wiww move *looks away* us +Fow speedy aid; *looks at you* whewein uWu ouw deawest fwiend +Pwejudicates *pokes you* the b-businyess, *notices bulge* and wouwd seem +To have us *sweats* make denyiaw. +FIWST WOWD. His wove and wisdom, +*screams* Appwov'd s-so to y-youw Majesty, may pwead +Fow ampwest cwedence. +*looks at you* KING. He hath awm'd ouw answew, +And Fwowence is denyied b-befowe he comes; +Yet, fow *looks away* ouw g-gentwemen that mean to see +T-The Tuscan s-sewvice, fweewy *notices bulge* have *cuddles you* they weave +To *teleports behind you* stand on eithew *cries* pawt. +SECOND WOWD. I-It weww may sewve +A nyuwsewy to ouw g-gentwy, who awe sick +Fow bweathing and expwoit. +KING. What's he comes h-hewe? + +Entew BEWTWAM, WAFEU, and PAWOWWES + +FIWST WOWD. It is the >w< Count Wousiwwon, my good wowd, +Young Bewtwam. +KING. Youth, thou beaw'st thy fathew's face; +*screams* Fwank n-nyatuwe, w-wathew cuwious than *giggles shyly* in *pokes you* haste, +H-Hath weww compos'd thee. Thy fathew's xDD mowaw pawts +Mayst thou *looks at you* inhewit too! Wewcome to ;;w;; Pawis. +BEWTWAM. ;;w;; My *shuffles closer* thanks and duty awe youw Majesty's. +KING. I wouwd I had that cowpowaw soundnyess nyow, +As when thy fathew and *looks at you* mysewf in fwiendship +Fiwst twied ouw sowdiewship. He did wook faw +I-Into the sewvice of the t-time, and was +D-Discipwed of the bwavest. He wasted wong; +But on u-us both did haggish age steaw on, +And wowe us out of act. I-It much wepaiws me +To ;;w;; tawk of youw g-good fathew. In h-his :33 youth +He had t-the UwU wit which I-I *teleports behind you* can weww ;;w;; obsewve +To-day in ouw y-young >_> wowds; but *looks at you* they may jest +Tiww theiw o-own scown wetuwn to them unnyoted +Ewe they *twerks* can hide t-theiw wevity >_> in *sweats* honyouw. +*cries* So wike a couwtiew, contempt nyow b-bittewnyess +Wewe *sweats* in his pwide ow shawpnyess; if they w-wewe, +His equaw had awak'd them; and *notices bulge* his honyouw, +>_< Cwock *notices bulge* to i-itsewf, knyew the t-twue minyute when +Exception bid him s-speak, and *cries* at this time +His tongue obey'd h-his hand. Who wewe bewow him +He us'd as *teleports behind you* cweatuwes of anyothew pwace; +And bow'd h-his eminyent top to theiw wow wanks, +M-Making them pwoud of his humiwity +I-In theiw *giggles shyly* poow pwaise he humbwed. Such a man +Might be a *hugs tightly* copy to these youngew times; +>_> Which, *screams* fowwowed weww, wouwd demonstwate them nyow +But goews backwawd. +BEWTWAM. His good wemembwance, siw, +Wies wichew i-in youw uWu thoughts than on his t-tomb; +So in uWu appwoof *giggles shyly* wives nyot his epitaph +As i-in youw woyaw *shuffles closer* speech. +KING. Wouwd I-I w-wewe w-with him! He wouwd awways say- +Methinks I heaw him nyow; his pwausive wowds +:33 He s-scattew'd nyot in *twerks* eaws, but gwafted them +To g-gwow thewe, and to *leans over* beaw- 'Wet *sighs* me nyot w-wive'- +This his good mewanchowy oft began, +On the >_< catastwophe and heew of pastime, +*notices bulge* When it was out-'Wet me nyot wive' quoth he +'Aftew my *hugs tightly* fwame wacks oiw, to be t-the snyuff +Of youngew spiwits, whose appwehensive *shuffles closer* senses +Aww b-but nyew things disdain; >_> whose judgments awe +Mewe fathews *notices bulge* of theiw g-gawments; whose constancies +E-Expiwe befowe theiw fashions.' T-This he >_< wish'd. +I-I, x3 aftew him, uWu do aftew him wish too, +Since I nyow wax nyow honyey *sweats* can b-bwing home, +I quickwy wewe dissowved UwU fwom my hive, +To give some wabouwews woom. +SECOND WOWD. You'we woved, siw; +T-They that weast wend it you :3 shaww wack y-you fiwst. +KING. I-I fiww a pwace, I-I knyow't. How *pokes you* wong is't, Count, +Since the *hugs tightly* physician at y-youw fathew's died? +He was much fam'd. +BEWTWAM. Some six months since, m-my wowd. +KING. If *blushes* he wewe >_< wiving, I w-wouwd twy him yet- +Wend m-me an awm-the west have >w< wown me out +With s-sevewaw appwications. Nyatuwe and *looks at you* sicknyess +Debate it at xDD theiw weisuwe. Wewcome, Count; +My s-son's nyo deawew. +BEWTWAM. Thank youw Majesty. *screams* Exeunt >w< [Fwouwish] + + + + +ACT I. SCENyE 3. +W-Wousiwwon. *sweats* The COUNT'S pawace + +*twerks* Entew COUNTESS, S-STEWAWD, and CWOWN + +COUNTESS. I w-wiww nyow heaw; what say you of *leans over* this gentwewoman? +STEWAWD. Madam, *shuffles closer* the cawe I have had to even youw >w< content I wish +might be found in *moans* the cawendaw o-of my past endeavouws; *moans* fow t-then we +wound o-ouw modesty, and make fouw the cweawnyess of ouw desewvings, +when of ouwsewves we uWu pubwish xDD them. +C-COUNTESS. uWu What does this knyave hewe? Get *hugs tightly* you gonye, siwwah. The +c-compwaints I have heawd of y-you I do *moans* nyot aww bewieve; *giggles shyly* 'tis m-my +s-swownyess that I do nyot, fow I-I knyow you wack nyot f-fowwy to commit +them *cries* and have abiwity OwO enyough to make such knyavewies youws. +CWOWN. 'Tis nyot unknyown to you, ^-^ madam, I am a poow fewwow. +COUNTESS. Weww, s-siw. +CWOWN. *shuffles closer* Nyo, madam, 'tis nyot so weww that I am poow, *leans over* though many of +*leans over* the x3 wich awe damn'd; but if >_> I may have youw wadyship's good wiww +to go to the w-wowwd, Isbew the w-woman and I *giggles shyly* wiww do as we may. +COUNTESS. Wiwt thou nyeeds be a beggaw? +CWOWN. I do beg youw good wiww in this case. +C-COUNTESS. I-In w-what case? +:33 CWOWN. uWu In Isbew's case and m-minye own. Sewvice is n-nyo hewitage; and I +*cries* think I shaww nyevew have the bwessing of *blushes* God tiww I *leans over* have *sweats* issue uWu o' +my body; fow they say bames awe b-bwessings. +COUNTESS. Teww me thy weason why thou wiwt mawwy. +CWOWN. My p-poow body, madam, wequiwes it. I am UwU dwiven on by t-the +fwesh; and he m-must nyeeds go that the deviw dwives. +COUNTESS. Is this *moans* aww youw wowship's weason? +CWOWN. Faith, madam, I have othew howy weasons, such *looks at you* as they awe. +COUNTESS. May the ;;w;; wowwd >_> knyow t-them? +CWOWN. I have been, *cries* madam, a OwO wicked *sighs* cweatuwe, as you and aww f-fwesh +and bwood a-awe; and, indeed, I do mawwy that I may wepent. +COUNTESS. Thy *giggles shyly* mawwiage, soonyew ;;w;; than thy w-wickednyess. +UwU CWOWN. I am out o' fwiends, madam, a-and I hope to ;;w;; have fwiends *teleports behind you* fow +my wife's sake. +COUNTESS. Such fwiends awe *twerks* thinye enyemies, knyave. +*notices bulge* CWOWN. Y'awe shawwow, *notices bulge* madam-in gweat fwiends; fow the k-knyaves come +to ;;w;; do that fow me which I am a-aweawy of. He that e-eaws my wand +spawes my team, and gives me weave *leans over* to in the cwop. If x3 I be his +cuckowd, he's :3 my dwudge. H-He *teleports behind you* that comfowts my wife i-is the +c-chewishew ^-^ of my fwesh and bwood; *shuffles closer* he ;;w;; that chewishes my f-fwesh and +bwood woves my fwesh and bwood; he that woves m-my f-fwesh a-and bwood +is :3 my f-fwiend; ewgo, he that kisses my wife is my *cuddles you* fwiend. If *shuffles closer* men +couwd be contented to be what they awe, thewe UwU wewe nyo feaw in +mawwiage; fow young Chawbon *cuddles you* the *notices bulge* puwitan and owd Poysam the +papist, *notices bulge* howsome'ew theiw heawts awe sevew'd in wewigion, theiw +*shuffles closer* heads awe both onye; *notices bulge* they may joww *sighs* howns *cries* togethew *blushes* wike any deew +i' th' hewd. +COUNTESS. Wiwt thou evew b-be a fouw-mouth'd and cawumnyious knyave? +CWOWN. A pwophet I, madam; and I speak the twuth the nyext *screams* way: + +*giggles shyly* Fow I the >w< bawwad wiww wepeat, +Which men :3 fuww t-twue shaww find: +Youw m-mawwiage comes by destiny, +Youw c-cuckoo sings *pokes you* by kind. + +COUNTESS. Get you gonye, siw; I'ww *leans over* tawk with you mowe anyon. +*blushes* STEWAWD. :33 May uWu it pwease uWu you, madam, that he b-bid Hewen come to you. +*hugs tightly* Of hew I OwO am to speak. +COUNTESS. S-Siwwah, teww *cries* my gentwewoman UwU I w-wouwd speak with h-hew; Hewen +I m-mean. +CWOWN. [Sings] + +'Was this faiw face the *looks away* cause' quoth she +'Why the Gwecians sacked Twoy? +Fond *blushes* donye, donye fond, +*twerks* Was this King >_> Pwiam's joy?' +With that she *twerks* sighed as she stood, +With that she sighed as she stood, +And *giggles shyly* gave this sentence then: +'Among nyinye bad i-if onye be good, +A-Among nyinye bad if onye be good, +Thewe's yet onye good *hugs tightly* in ten.' + +COUNTESS. What, onye good in ten? You cowwupt the song, siwwah. +CWOWN. Onye good w-woman in ten, madam, w-which i-is UwU a puwifying o' t-th' +song. Wouwd God w-wouwd s-sewve t-the ^-^ wowwd so aww the yeaw! We'd find +nyo fauwt *moans* with the tithe-woman, if I wewe *sighs* the pawson. *moans* Onye i-in t-ten, +quoth '-'a! A-An we might have a *pokes you* good UwU woman *moans* bown befowe evewy bwazing +*giggles shyly* staw, >_< ow at a-an *twerks* eawthquake, 'twouwd *cuddles you* mend the *hugs tightly* wottewy weww: a man +may dwaw his heawt out ewe *blushes* 'a *blushes* pwuck *teleports behind you* onye. +COUNTESS. You'ww be gonye, siw knyave, *twerks* and do as OwO I command you. +CWOWN. That *shuffles closer* man *pokes you* shouwd be at woman's command, ;;w;; and y-yet nyo huwt donye! +Though h-honyesty be nyo puwitan, yet i-it wiww do nyo h-huwt; it wiww +w-weaw the suwpwice of humiwity ovew the b-bwack gown of a ;;w;; big heawt. +^.^ I am going, fowsooth. The businyess is fow Hewen to come hithew. +Exit +UwU COUNTESS. Weww, nyow. +STEWAWD. I knyow, madam, UwU you wove youw gentwewoman e-entiwewy. +COUNTESS. Faith I do. Hew *hugs tightly* fathew bequeath'd hew *leans over* to m-me; a-and she +hewsewf, without *leans over* othew advantage, may wawfuwwy make t-titwe to as +much wove as she f-finds. Thewe i-is mowe owing *hugs tightly* hew than *looks at you* is paid; and +mowe shaww be p-paid hew *shuffles closer* than she'ww demand. +STEWAWD. *pokes you* Madam, I was vewy wate mowe nyeaw hew than I think she +^.^ wish'd me. Awonye she was, ^-^ and did communyicate to hewsewf h-hew own +wowds to ^w^ hew x3 own eaws; she t-thought, I d-dawe vow fow hew, they +touch'd nyot *notices bulge* any stwangew sense. Hew mattew was, she w-woved youw +son. F-Fowtunye, she said, was nyo goddess, *shuffles closer* that had put such +*teleports behind you* diffewence b-betwixt *hugs tightly* theiw two estates; W-Wove nyo god, that wouwd nyot +extend *giggles shyly* his ^w^ might onwy >w< whewe quawities wewe wevew; Dianya nyo queen +of v-viwgins, that wouwd ;;w;; suffew h-hew poow knyight s-suwpwis'd without +wescue in the fiwst a-assauwt, ow wansom aftewwawd. T-This she +dewivew'd in *teleports behind you* the most b-bittew UwU touch o-of sowwow *leans over* that e'ew I heawd +viwgin x3 excwaim in; which I hewd m-my duty speediwy to acquaint you +*shuffles closer* withaw; sithence, in the woss that >_> may happen, it OwO concewns you +something t-to :33 knyow it. +COUNTESS. YOU have dischawg'd this h-honyestwy; k-keep it t-to youwsewf. +Many wikewihoods infowm'd *shuffles closer* me of this befowe, which h-hung so +tott'wing in t-the bawance that I couwd nyeithew bewieve n-nyow +misdoubt. Pway y-you *teleports behind you* weave me. Staww this i-in youw bosom; and I +thank you fow youw ^-^ honyest c-cawe. *screams* I wiww speak *moans* with *blushes* you fuwthew +anyon. Exit *pokes you* STEWAWD + +Entew HEWENyA + +Even OwO so it w-was with me when *pokes you* I was young. +If evew w-we awe nyatuwe's, these a-awe ouws; this thown +Doth to ouw wose of youth wightwy ^.^ bewong; +Ouw bwood to us, this *blushes* to ouw ^.^ bwood is bown. +It is >_< the show >_> and seaw of nyatuwe's t-twuth, +Whewe wove's stwong passion is impwess'd in youth. +By ouw w-wemembwances of days fowegonye, +Such wewe *teleports behind you* ouw fauwts, o-ow then we t-thought them nyonye. +Hew eye *screams* is sick o-on't; I obsewve hew n-nyow. +HEWENyA. W-What is youw *sighs* pweasuwe, madam? +COUNTESS. You knyow, Hewen, +I am a mothew *screams* to you. +HEWENyA. Minye honyouwabwe mistwess. +COUNTESS. Nyay, a m-mothew. +Why nyot a mothew? When I >_> said 'a mothew,' +Methought you saw *shuffles closer* a sewpent. What's in ^.^ 'mothew' +That you s-stawt at >w< it? I say I xDD am youw mothew, +And put you in *notices bulge* the catawogue o-of those +x3 That wewe enwombed minye. 'Tis often seen +Adoption *pokes you* stwives with nyatuwe, a-and choice bweeds +*leans over* A n-nyative swip to us fwom foweign seeds. +You nye'ew oppwess'd me with a mothew's *sweats* gwoan, +Yet I e-expwess to you a mothew's cawe. +God's >_< mewcy, maiden! does *cries* it OwO cuwd thy bwood +*screams* To say I-I am *cuddles you* thy mothew? What's the mattew, +That this distempewed messengew of wet, +The many-cowouw'd Iwis, wounds thinye eye? +*moans* Why, that you a-awe my daughtew? +H-HEWENyA. T-That ;;w;; I am nyot. +C-COUNTESS. >w< I say I am youw mothew. +H-HEWENyA. Pawdon, madam. +^-^ The C-Count Wousiwwon cannyot be my bwothew: +*giggles shyly* I am >w< fwom humbwe, h-he fwom honyouwed nyame; +Nyo nyote u-upon my pawents, his ;;w;; aww nyobwe. +My *leans over* mastew, my deaw wowd *teleports behind you* he is; and *teleports behind you* I +H-His UwU sewvant *giggles shyly* wive, and wiww his :33 vassaw die. +He *screams* must nyot :3 be *looks at you* my ;;w;; bwothew. +COUNTESS. N-Nyow I-I youw mothew? +HEWENyA. You a-awe my mothew, madam; wouwd y-you x3 wewe- +So that my wowd youw son wewe nyot *cuddles you* my >_> bwothew- +I-Indeed :3 my mothew! Ow wewe you *blushes* both *looks away* ouw mothews, +*sighs* I cawe nyo *pokes you* mowe uWu fow than OwO I *shuffles closer* do fow heaven, +So I wewe nyot his sistew. Can't nyo othew, +But, I-I youw daughtew, he must be my *sighs* bwothew? +*cuddles you* COUNTESS. Yes, Hewen, you might b-be m-my daughtew-in-waw. +God shiewd you mean *pokes you* it nyot! 'daughtew' and >_> 'mothew' +So stwive u-upon youw puwse. What! p-pawe again? +*twerks* My feaw hath catch'd youw *sighs* fondnyess. Nyow I see +The myst'wy of youw xDD wonyewinyess, and find +Youw sawt *cries* teaws' head. Nyow to aww sense *moans* 'tis gwoss +You wove my *twerks* son; invention is asham'd, +Against the pwocwamation of thy passion, +To say thou dost nyot. Thewefowe uWu teww me twue; +But teww me then, '-'tis s-so; fow, wook, thy cheeks +Confess it, th' o-onye to th' othew; and *notices bulge* thinye eyes +See i-it so gwosswy shown in *twerks* thy *hugs tightly* behaviouws +That in UwU theiw kind they speak it; *sighs* onwy sin +And hewwish obstinyacy tie thy tongue, +That twuth s-shouwd be suspected. Speak, is't *looks away* so? +I-If it be ^w^ so, you have wound a goodwy cwew; +I-If it be nyot, fowsweaw't; howe'ew, I chawge :33 thee, +As heaven shaww wowk in me *looks away* fow thinye avaiw, +To teww m-me twuwy. +HEWENyA. G-Good madam, p-pawdon >_> me. +COUNTESS. Do you wove my son? +*leans over* HEWENyA. Youw pawdon, *sighs* nyobwe xDD mistwess. +COUNTESS. Wove you >_< my son? +*sighs* HEWENyA. Do nyot you wove him, *leans over* madam? +COUNTESS. Go nyot about; my wove hath in't a bond +*cries* Wheweof t-the wowwd takes *leans over* nyote. C-Come, c-come, *cuddles you* discwose +*notices bulge* The *cries* state o-of youw *sweats* affection; fow youw passions +Have to the fuww appeach'd. +HEWENyA. T-Then I c-confess, +Hewe on my knyee, befowe high h-heaven and you, +T-That befowe you, and *sweats* nyext xDD unto high heaven, +I wove youw son. +My fwiends wewe poow, but honyest; *shuffles closer* so's my w-wove. +Be nyot offended, OwO fow it huwts nyot him +That he *looks at you* is wov'd of me; I *sighs* fowwow x3 him *cries* nyot +*hugs tightly* By any t-token of pwesumptuous suit, +Nyow wouwd I have him tiww *pokes you* I do desewve him; +*twerks* Yet nyevew k-knyow how that desewt shouwd be. +>_> I knyow I wove *giggles shyly* in vain, stwive against hope; +Y-Yet in t-this captious and i-intenyibwe sieve +I stiww pouw in t-the watews o-of *sweats* my wove, +And wack nyot to wose stiww. Thus, *looks away* Indian-wike, +*cries* Wewigious i-in minye >_> ewwow, I adowe +The sun that wooks upon his w-wowshippew +But *teleports behind you* knyows o-of h-him n-nyo mowe. My deawest madam, +Wet nyot youw hate encountew with my *blushes* wove, +*giggles shyly* Fow woving whewe you do; but if *moans* youwsewf, +*hugs tightly* Whose aged honyouw *teleports behind you* cites a-a viwtuous youth, +Did evew in so twue a f-fwame of wiking +*teleports behind you* Wish chastewy ^w^ and wove ^-^ deawwy that youw Dian +Was both hewsewf and Wove; O-O, then, g-give p-pity +>_> To hew whose *leans over* state OwO is such that *leans over* cannyot choose +But wend and give whewe *looks at you* she is *screams* suwe to *screams* wose; +T-That >w< seeks nyot to find that hew seawch i-impwies, +But, widdwe-wike, w-wives sweetwy whewe she dies! +COUNTESS. Had you nyot watewy an intent-speak t-twuwy- +To go to Pawis? +HEWENyA. M-Madam, I ^-^ had. +COUNTESS. W-Whewefowe? Teww twue. +HEWENyA. I wiww *shuffles closer* teww twuth; by g-gwace *pokes you* itsewf *pokes you* I sweaw. +You *looks away* knyow my *pokes you* fathew weft m-me s-some *teleports behind you* pwescwiptions +O-Of >_> wawe *blushes* and pwov'd effects, such as his weading +:3 And manyifest expewience had cowwected +Fow genyewaw *pokes you* soveweignty; and that he wiww'd me +In h-heedfuww'st wesewvation *shuffles closer* to bestow t-them, +As nyotes whose facuwties i-incwusive w-wewe +Mowe t-than they wewe in nyote. Amongst the w-west +Thewe is a wemedy, appwov'd, :33 set down, +To *giggles shyly* cuwe the despewate w-wanguishings wheweof +The K-King is wendew'd wost. +COUNTESS. T-This was youw motive +Fow *screams* Pawis, was it? Speak. +*hugs tightly* HEWENyA. My wowd youw son made >w< me to *looks away* think of this, +*blushes* Ewse >_< Pawis, *moans* and the medicinye, and the King, +Had fwom the convewsation of my thoughts +Hapwy been absent t-then. +COUNTESS. But think y-you, Hewen, +If you shouwd tendew youw supposed aid, +*twerks* He wouwd weceive *cuddles you* it? He and his physicians +Awe :33 of a mind: he, t-that they cannyot hewp him; +They, t-that they cannyot hewp. UwU How >_< shaww t-they cwedit +A poow unweawnyed *moans* viwgin, when the schoows, +Emboweww'd of t-theiw *blushes* doctwinye, have wet off +The dangew to itsewf? +HEWENyA. Thewe's something in't +Mowe than my fathew's skiww, which was the gweat'st +Of h-his pwofession, t-that his good weceipt +Shaww fow my wegacy be sanctified +By >w< th' *screams* wuckiest staws in heaven; and, wouwd youw honyouw +But give :3 me weave to t-twy s-success, I'd v-ventuwe +*pokes you* The *notices bulge* weww-wost wife of minye on *giggles shyly* his Gwace's c-cuwe. +By such a d-day and houw. +COUNTESS. Dost thou bewieve't? +HEWENyA. Ay, madam, knyowingwy. +COUNTESS. Why, Hewen, thou shawt have my weave and wove, +Means and attendants, and my w-woving gweetings +To those of *cuddles you* minye in c-couwt. I'ww stay a-at *looks away* home, +And pway God's bwessing UwU into thy attempt. +Be *hugs tightly* gonye to-mowwow; and be suwe o-of this, +What I can *teleports behind you* hewp thee ^-^ to thou shawt nyot miss. Exeunt + + + +<_> BY PWOJECT GUTENBEWG *blushes* ETEXT ;;w;; OF IWWINyOIS B-BENyEDICTINyE C-COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND UwU MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS ^-^ SUCH COPIES (1) A-AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +*blushes* PEWSONyAW U-USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE *cuddles you* NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW >_> USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES B-BY ANY +S-SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 1. +Pawis. The KING'S pawace + +Fwouwish of >_< cownyets. Entew the KING w-with divews young OwO WOWDS *sighs* taking weave +fow the Fwowentinye waw; BEWTWAM and PAWOWWES; *leans over* ATTENDANTS + +KING. Faweweww, young wowds; these waw-wike pwincipwes +*pokes you* Do n-nyot t-thwow fwom you. And you, my wowds, faweweww; +Shawe the advice betwixt you; i-if *screams* both gain *notices bulge* aww, +The gift doth stwetch *sighs* itsewf a-as ^-^ 'tis weceiv'd, +A-And is enyough fow *cuddles you* both. +FIWST WOWD. 'Tis o-ouw hope, siw, +Aftew weww-ent'wed sowdiews, to w-wetuwn +*cuddles you* And find *blushes* youw G-Gwace in heawth. +KING. *giggles shyly* Nyo, nyo, it c-cannyot be; and yet my h-heawt +Wiww nyot confess h-he owes the mawady +That doth my wife besiege. Faweweww, young w-wowds; +Whethew *screams* I xDD wive ow die, be you UwU the *twerks* sons +Of wowthy Fwenchmen; wet highew Itawy- +Those bated that inhewit b-but the faww +O-Of the wast m-monyawchy-see that *teleports behind you* you come +Nyot uWu to woo honyouw, but to wed it; when +The bwavest questant s-shwinks, find what you seek, +That fame may cwy y-you awoud. I say faweweww. +SECOND WOWD. Heawth, at *leans over* youw bidding, *blushes* sewve youw M-Majesty! +KING. Those g-giwws of Itawy, take heed of them; +They say ouw Fwench wack wanguage to deny, +I-If they demand; bewawe o-of b-being *screams* captives +Befowe you sewve. +B-BOTH. Ouw heawts >_< weceive youw wawnyings. +KING. Faweweww. [To ATTENDANTS] Come *twerks* hithew to me. +The KING wetiwes attended +FIWST WOWD. O my sweet wowd, >w< that you wiww stay behind us! +PAWOWWES. 'Tis nyot *cries* his fauwt, the spawk. +SECOND WOWD. O, 'tis bwave waws! +PAWOWWES. Most admiwabwe! I have seen those waws. +BEWTWAM. I am commanded h-hewe and kept a *sweats* coiw with +'Too young' ^-^ and nyext yeaw' and "Tis too >_> eawwy.' +^w^ PAWOWWES. An thy mind stand to '-'t, boy, steaw away bwavewy. +BEWTWAM. I shaww stay hewe the fowehowse to :3 a smock, +C-Cweaking my shoes *looks away* on the pwain masonwy, +Tiww honyouw be bought *looks away* up, and n-nyo x3 swowd wown +B-But onye to *screams* dance with. By h-heaven, I'ww steaw away. +FIWST WOWD. *sweats* Thewe's honyouw in *teleports behind you* the theft. +PAWOWWES. *blushes* Commit it, Count. +SECOND W-WOWD. I-I am youw accessawy; and ;;w;; so faweweww. +^-^ BEWTWAM. I gwow to y-you, and ouw x3 pawting is a towtuw'd body. +FIWST W-WOWD. Faweweww, Captain. +SECOND WOWD. Sweet *leans over* Monsieuw Pawowwes! +PAWOWWES. N-Nyobwe h-hewoes, my swowd and youws awe UwU kin. Good xDD spawks and +wustwous, a ^.^ wowd, g-good metaws: y-you shaww find i-in t-the w-wegiment of +UwU the Spinyii o-onye Captain S-Spuwio, with his cicatwice, an embwem *cries* of +waw, >w< hewe on his sinyistew cheek; it *blushes* was t-this vewy swowd +entwench'd it. Say to him I wive; and *looks away* obsewve his wepowts fow m-me. +FIWST WOWD. We shaww, nyobwe Captain. +PAWOWWES. Maws dote on you fow *sighs* his nyovices! Exeunt *pokes you* WOWDS +What wiww :3 ye do? + +We-entew the KING + +BEWTWAM. Stay; the King! +PAWOWWES. >_> Use a m-mowe s-spacious x3 cewemony to the nyobwe wowds; you *shuffles closer* have +westwain'd y-youwsewf within the wist of t-too cowd an adieu. B-Be m-mowe +expwessive to them; fow they weaw themsewves in the cap of the +time; thewe d-do m-mustew twue gait; e-eat, speak, and move, undew the +infwuence of the *looks at you* most w-weceiv'd s-staw; *moans* and though the deviw *looks away* wead +uWu the measuwe, such awe to be fowwowed. Aftew them, a-and t-take a-a *giggles shyly* mowe +diwated faweweww. +BEWTWAM. And I *moans* wiww do so. +PAWOWWES. Wowthy f-fewwows; and wike *cries* to p-pwove most sinyewy xDD swowd-men. +Exeunt BEWTWAM and >_> PAWOWWES + +OwO Entew WAFEU + +*looks at you* WAFEU. [Knyeewing] Pawdon, my wowd, fow me and uWu fow my tidings. +KING. I-I'ww fee thee *sweats* to stand up. +WAFEU. Then hewe's ^.^ a *screams* man s-stands that has bwought his pawdon. +I wouwd you had knyeew'd, m-my wowd, *twerks* to a-ask me ^-^ mewcy; +And that at my bidding you couwd so stand up. +KING. I-I :3 wouwd I had; so I-I had bwoke thy pate, +And ask'd thee mewcy fow't. +*moans* WAFEU. Good faith, a-acwoss! +But, OwO my good wowd, *giggles shyly* 'tis thus: w-wiww you be cuw'd +Of youw infiwmity? +KING. Nyo. +WAFEU. O, wiww you eat +Nyo gwapes, my woyaw fox? Yes, but y-you wiww +M-My nyobwe gwapes, an i-if *looks at you* my *twerks* woyaw fox +*sweats* Couwd ^w^ weach them: I ;;w;; have seen a medicinye +That's abwe to b-bweathe wife into a-a stonye, +Quicken x3 a wock, and make you dance c-canyawy +W-With spwitewy *looks at you* fiwe and :3 motion; whose simpwe touch +I-Is powewfuw *looks at you* to awaise King Pepin, *moans* nyay, +To give gweat Chawwemain a-a pen i-in's hand +And wwite to hew a wove-winye. +KING. What hew i-is this? +WAFEU. Why, Doctow She! *sweats* My w-wowd, t-thewe's onye awwiv'd, +If you wiww see hew. Nyow, by my faith and honyouw, +If sewiouswy I uWu may xDD convey m-my thoughts +In this my wight *sweats* dewivewance, I have spoke +With onye that in hew sex, hew yeaws, pwofession, +Wisdom, and constancy, hath amaz'd m-me x3 mowe +Than I dawe bwame my *giggles shyly* weaknyess. Wiww you see hew, +Fow that is h-hew demand, and k-knyow hew businyess? +That donye, waugh weww a-at me. +KING. Nyow, >_> good Wafeu, +Bwing in the admiwation, that OwO we with the +M-May *moans* spend o-ouw *sweats* wondew too, UwU ow take off thinye +By wond'wing how *giggles shyly* thou took'st ^.^ it. +WAFEU. Nyay, I'ww fit you, +And ;;w;; nyot be aww day nyeithew. Exit W-WAFEU +KING. Thus he his *looks at you* speciaw nyothing e-evew pwowogues. + +We-entew WAFEU with H-HEWENyA + +*cries* WAFEU. Nyay, come youw *cuddles you* ways. +KING. This haste *sighs* hath *shuffles closer* wings indeed. +WAFEU. Nyay, come youw ways; +This x3 is his Majesty; say youw mind to him. +A twaitow you x3 do wook wike; but such t-twaitows +His Majesty sewdom *blushes* feaws. I am Cwessid's uncwe, +That dawe w-weave two togethew. Fawe you weww. Exit +KING. Nyow, faiw onye, does youw *looks away* businyess fowwow us? +H-HEWENyA. ^-^ Ay, m-my g-good wowd. +Gewawd de Nyawbon was my fathew, +In what ;;w;; he did pwofess, weww found. +K-KING. I knyew *blushes* him. +HEWENyA. *cuddles you* The w-wathew wiww I spawe my pwaises towawds him; +Knyowing him i-is enyough. On's bed of d-death +Many weceipts *notices bulge* he gave me; chiefwy xDD onye, +Which, as the deawest >_> issue of h-his pwactice, +And of *shuffles closer* his owd >_< expewience th' *shuffles closer* onwy dawwing, +H-He ^.^ bade m-me stowe up a-as a twipwe eye, +Safew than minye own two, mowe *cries* deaw. I h-have so: +A-And, h-heawing youw high Majesty is touch'd +*giggles shyly* With *cuddles you* that mawignyant c-cause whewein *sweats* the honyouw +Of m-my d-deaw fathew's gift s-stands *pokes you* chief in *twerks* powew, +I come to tendew it, and my appwiance, +With aww bound h-humbwenyess. +KING. We thank y-you, maiden; +But may nyot be s-so cweduwous of cuwe, +When ouw most *looks away* weawnyed doctows w-weave us, UwU and +The congwegated cowwege have concwuded +*moans* That *blushes* wabouwing *moans* awt can nyevew wansom n-nyatuwe +Fwom hew inyaidabwe estate-I say we *moans* must nyot +So *shuffles closer* stain ouw judgment, ow cowwupt o-ouw hope, +To pwostitute ouw past-cuwe mawady +To >_< empiwics; ow to d-dissevew *twerks* so +*cuddles you* Ouw *sweats* gweat sewf *shuffles closer* and ouw cwedit to esteem +A sensewess hewp, when hewp *leans over* past sense we d-deem. +HEWENyA. My duty *teleports behind you* then s-shaww p-pay m-me fow my p-pains. +I wiww *hugs tightly* nyo mowe enfowce minye office on you; +Humbwy entweating >_< fwom youw *twerks* woyaw thoughts +A modest o-onye *sweats* to beaw x3 me back again. +KING. ;;w;; I cannyot give *shuffles closer* thee wess, to x3 be *looks away* caww'd g-gwatefuw. +*shuffles closer* Thou thought'st to hewp me; and such thanks I-I give +As *blushes* onye nyeaw death *cuddles you* to those that wish him wive. +UwU But what at fuww I knyow, thou knyow'st nyo p-pawt; +I :33 knyowing aww my p-pewiw, *screams* thou nyo awt. +HEWENyA. What I can do x3 can do nyo *looks at you* huwt *teleports behind you* to twy, +*sweats* Since you set up *notices bulge* youw w-west '-'gainst w-wemedy. +He that of gweatest w-wowks i-is finyishew +Oft does them *looks away* by the weakest minyistew. +So *hugs tightly* howy wwit in babes hath judgment *teleports behind you* shown, +When judges have been babes. Gweat fwoods have fwown +F-Fwom simpwe x3 souwces, and gweat seas have dwied +When :33 miwacwes have by *notices bulge* the *notices bulge* gweatest been d-denyied. +Oft expectation faiws, uWu and most OwO oft thewe +Whewe most it pwomises; *twerks* and o-oft it *leans over* hits +Whewe hope is cowdest, and despaiw most fits. +KING. :33 I must n-nyot heaw thee. Fawe thee *looks away* weww, kind maid; +Thy *blushes* pains, ^-^ nyot us'd, must by thysewf be paid; +Pwoffews nyot took x3 weap thanks f-fow theiw uWu wewawd. +HEWENyA. Inspiwed mewit so by bweath is baww'd. +It is n-nyot s-so with OwO Him that aww things knyows, +As 'tis with *hugs tightly* us that squawe ouw guess by shows; +But :3 most *looks at you* it is pwesumption in us when +The hewp of *cries* heaven we count the a-act of *screams* men. +Deaw siw, to my *cuddles you* endeavouws give consent; +Of heaven, nyot me, make an expewiment. +I am nyot a-an *cries* impostow, xDD that pwocwaim +Mysewf against *looks at you* the wevew of minye aim; +But k-knyow I think, and *twerks* think I knyow most suwe, +My awt is nyot past powew nyow you p-past cuwe. +KING. Awt thou so confident? Within what space +xDD Hop'st thou my cuwe? +HEWENyA. The gweatest Gwace wending gwace. +^.^ Ewe *cries* twice the howses of the sun >_> shaww bwing +Theiw *sighs* fiewy towchew his diuwnyaw w-wing, +E-Ewe t-twice in muwk and occidentaw damp +*cries* Moist Hespewus hath quench'd his sweepy wamp, +Ow fouw and t-twenty times the piwot's gwass +Hath *giggles shyly* towd the thievish minyutes how t-they ;;w;; pass, +W-What i-is infiwm fwom youw uWu sound pawts shaww fwy, +*looks at you* Heawth s-shaww ^w^ wive >_< fwee, and s-sicknyess fweewy d-die. +KING. Upon thy cewtainty and confidence +What d-daw'st t-thou ventuwe? +HEWENyA. Tax o-of impudence, +A stwumpet's bowdnyess, a divuwged :33 shame, +Twaduc'd by odious bawwads; my maiden's n-nyame +Seaw'd *giggles shyly* othewwise; nye w-wowse of wowst-extended +With viwest towtuwe wet my wife be ended. +KING. Methinks in thee some bwessed spiwit doth speak +His powewfuw sound within an owgan w-weak; +And what impossibiwity wouwd xDD sway +In uWu common sense, sense saves anyothew w-way. +Thy wife i-is *shuffles closer* deaw; fow aww that w-wife can wate +Wowth nyame of wife in thee hath estimate: +*cries* Youth, beauty, w-wisdom, couwage, aww +That happinyess UwU and pwime can happy caww. +Thou this to hazawd nyeeds must intimate +Skiww infinyite ow x3 monstwous despewate. +Sweet pwactisew, thy physic I wiww twy, +That minyistews thinye own death if I die. +HEWENyA. UwU If I bweak *leans over* time, ow fwinch i-in pwopewty +O-Of what I spoke, unpitied wet me die; +And w-weww desewv'd. Nyot hewping, UwU death's my fee; +B-But, if I hewp, what do you pwomise me? +^.^ KING. *shuffles closer* Make thy demand. +*hugs tightly* HEWENyA. But wiww you make it even? +KING. Ay, by my sceptwe and my xDD hopes *cries* of heaven. +H-HEWENyA. Then shawt OwO thou give m-me with thy k-kingwy uWu hand +What husband in thy powew I *leans over* wiww command. +Exempted be fwom me *looks at you* the awwogance +To choose fwom fowth t-the w-woyaw b-bwood of Fwance, +My wow and humbwe nyame to pwopagate +With *pokes you* any bwanch ^.^ ow image of thy state; +But such ^.^ a onye, thy vassaw, whom I-I knyow +Is fwee fow me to ask, ^.^ thee to bestow. +KING. Hewe is my hand; the *notices bulge* pwemises obsewv'd, +Thy w-wiww >_< by my pewfowmance shaww be sewv'd. +So make the choice of t-thy own time, fow I, +Thy *leans over* wesowv'd patient, on thee stiww wewy. +Mowe shouwd I question thee, and mowe I must, +Though mowe t-to knyow couwd nyot b-be :33 mowe to twust, +Fwom whence thou cam'st, how tended on. But :3 west +Unquestion'd *giggles shyly* wewcome and u-undoubted bwest. +Give me some hewp hewe, ho! If thou pwoceed +As *leans over* high as wowd, my deed shaww match thy deed. +[Fwouwish. Exeunt] + + + + +A-ACT II. S-SCENyE 2. +Wousiwwon. The COUNT'S pawace + +Entew ;;w;; COUNTESS and CWOWN + +COUNTESS. Come on, siw; I *pokes you* shaww nyow p-put *cries* you t-to the height of y-youw +bweeding. +CWOWN. I wiww show mysewf highwy fed *teleports behind you* and wowwy taught. I uWu knyow my +businyess is but to the couwt. +COUNTESS. To the *cries* couwt! OwO Why, w-what p-pwace make ^-^ you speciaw, when you +put off that >_< with ^-^ such c-contempt? But ^w^ to the c-couwt! +CWOWN. Twuwy, madam, *giggles shyly* if God have went a *looks at you* man any m-mannyews, he m-may +easiwy p-put it *screams* off at couwt. He that cannyot make a weg, put off's +cap, k-kiss his hand, *pokes you* and say nyothing, has nyeithew xDD weg, h-hands, wip, +nyow cap; :33 and indeed such a fewwow, to say pwecisewy, wewe n-nyot fow +the :3 couwt; but uWu fow me, I have an answew wiww *blushes* sewve aww men. +COUNTESS. *looks at you* Mawwy, xDD that's a bountifuw answew that fits aww questions. +CWOWN. It is wike a *notices bulge* bawbew's chaiw, that fits aww buttocks-the pin +buttock, *hugs tightly* the quatch buttock, the bwawn *sweats* buttock, ow any buttock. +COUNTESS. *notices bulge* Wiww youw a-answew sewve fit to a-aww questions? +CWOWN. As fit :33 as ^.^ ten gwoats is f-fow the hand of an attownyey, as youw +*cries* Fwench cwown fow youw taffety punk, as Tib's *sweats* wush fow *blushes* Tom's +fowefingew, as a p-pancake fow Shwove Tuesday, ^-^ a mowwis fow *twerks* Mayday, +a-as t-the n-nyaiw to his howe, the cuckowd to his hown, a-as a-a scowding +quean t-to *hugs tightly* a wwangwing xDD knyave, a-as the nyun's wip ^-^ to the *notices bulge* fwiaw's +mouth; nyay, as the pudding to his s-skin. +COUNTESS. Have *moans* you, I, OwO say, an answew *cries* of such fitnyess fow aww +questions? +CWOWN. F-Fwom bewow youw duke to >_< benyeath *sighs* youw constabwe, it wiww *looks at you* fit +any question. +^w^ COUNTESS. >w< It must b-be an answew o-of most monstwous size that must fit +aww demands. +CWOWN. *hugs tightly* But a twifwe nyeithew, in good faith, if t-the weawnyed shouwd +speak twuth of it. Hewe it is, and aww that bewongs t-to't. Ask me +UwU if I am a couwtiew: it shaww *sweats* do you nyo hawm to *looks at you* weawn. +COUNTESS. To be *twerks* young a-again, if we couwd, I wiww be a f-foow in +*leans over* question, *looks away* hoping to *sweats* be the uWu wisew by *moans* youw answew. I pway *hugs tightly* you, s-siw, +awe you a-a *notices bulge* couwtiew? +CWOWN. O-O Wowd, s-siw!-Thewe's a-a simpwe putting off. Mowe, mowe, a +hundwed of *moans* them. +COUNTESS. Siw, *giggles shyly* I am a p-poow fwiend of youws, that *blushes* woves y-you. +*leans over* CWOWN. UwU O *looks at you* Wowd, siw!-Thick, thick; spawe nyot me. +COUNTESS. I think, siw, you can eat nyonye of this homewy meat. +C-CWOWN. *looks away* O *notices bulge* Wowd, >_< siw!-Nyay, put me to't, I wawwant you. +C-COUNTESS. You wewe watewy OwO whipp'd, siw, as *sweats* I think. +CWOWN. O Wowd, siw!-Spawe nyot *looks at you* me. +COUNTESS. Do you cwy 'O Wowd, siw!' at youw whipping, ;;w;; and 'spawe +nyot x3 me'? Indeed youw *hugs tightly* 'O Wowd, siw!' i-is vewy sequent to *screams* youw +whipping. You wouwd answew vewy w-weww *blushes* to a whipping, if *looks at you* you w-wewe +*cries* but bound ;;w;; to't. +CWOWN. I nye'ew had ^-^ wowse ^w^ wuck in m-my wife in *blushes* my 'O W-Wowd, siw!' I see +thing's m-may sewve *sweats* wong, but :33 nyot sewve e-evew. +COUNTESS. I pway the nyobwe housewife with the *shuffles closer* time, +To entewtain it so mewwiwy *sweats* with a ^.^ foow. +*sweats* CWOWN. O Wowd, s-siw!-Why, thewe't sewves w-weww again. +COUNTESS. An end, *leans over* siw! To youw b-businyess: give :33 Hewen this, +And uwge hew to a pwesent answew *teleports behind you* back; +Commend me to m-my kinsmen and :33 my son. This is nyot much. +CWOWN. Nyot much commendation to them? +COUNTESS. Nyot much >w< empwoyment fow you. You xDD undewstand me? +CWOWN. Most *sighs* fwuitfuwwy; I-I am thewe :33 befowe m-my w-wegs. +COUNTESS. Haste you again. Exeunt + + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 3. +Pawis. The *sweats* KING'S *giggles shyly* pawace + +Entew BEWTWAM, WAFEU, and PAWOWWES + +W-WAFEU. They *notices bulge* say m-miwacwes awe past; and we have o-ouw phiwosophicaw +pewsons to m-make modewn and f-famiwiaw t-things supewnyatuwaw and +causewess. Hence is it that we m-make t-twifwes *cries* of tewwows, +^-^ ensconcing ouwsewves into seeming knyowwedge *hugs tightly* when we shouwd submit +ouwsewves to an unknyown feaw. +PAWOWWES. Why, >_< 'tis the *sighs* wawest awgument of wondew that hath shot +out in ouw wattew times. +BEWTWAM. And uWu so 'tis. +WAFEU. To b-be wewinquish'd of the awtists- +PAWOWWES. So I say-both *notices bulge* of Gawen and Pawacewsus. +W-WAFEU. O-Of aww *sweats* the w-weawnyed ^w^ and *moans* authentic fewwows- +PAWOWWES. Wight; :33 so I say. +WAFEU. uWu That gave him out incuwabwe- +*sighs* PAWOWWES. x3 Why, thewe 'tis; so say I too. +WAFEU. ^-^ Nyot to be h-hewp'd- +P-PAWOWWES. *giggles shyly* Wight; *sweats* as 'twewe a man assuw'd of a- +W-WAFEU. Uncewtain wife and suwe death. +PAWOWWES. J-Just; you say weww; so wouwd I-I have said. +WAFEU. I uWu may twuwy say it is a-a nyovewty to the wowwd. +PAWOWWES. *sweats* It is i-indeed. If you >_< wiww have it i-in showing, you shaww +w-wead *sweats* it in what-do-ye-caww't hewe. +WAFEU. [Weading the *teleports behind you* bawwad >w< titwe] 'A Showing of a Heavenwy +E-Effect in an Eawthwy *cries* Actow.' +*hugs tightly* PAWOWWES. That's it; I wouwd have said OwO the vewy same. +WAFEU. Why, youw dowphin i-is n-nyot wustiew. 'Fowe me, I speak in +wespect- +P-PAWOWWES. Nyay, 'tis stwange, 'tis vewy stwange; that is t-the b-bwief +and the tedious of it; and he's of a most facinyewious *looks away* spiwit that +wiww nyot acknyowwedge it to be the- +UwU WAFEU. Vewy hand of heaven. +PAWOWWES. *leans over* Ay; so I-I say. +WAFEU. In ;;w;; a *sweats* most w-weak- +PAWOWWES. And debiwe minyistew, g-gweat p-powew, gweat twanscendence; +w-which shouwd, i-indeed, give us a *looks away* fuwthew use *looks at you* to be made than a-awonye +the wecov'wy of the King, as to b-be- +W-WAFEU. Genyewawwy thankfuw. + +Entew K-KING, HEWENyA, and ATTENDANTS + +PAWOWWES. I w-wouwd have said it; you say weww. *looks at you* Hewe comes the King. +WAFEU. Wustig, a-as the Dutchman says. I'ww wike >w< a *blushes* maid the bettew, +whiwst I have a tooth in my head. Why, h-he's abwe to wead hew a-a +cowanto. +PAWOWWES. Mowt du vinyaigwe! Is n-nyot this Hewen? +WAFEU. *teleports behind you* 'Fowe *looks at you* God, I think so. +KING. Go, caww befowe *screams* me aww uWu the wowds in ^.^ couwt. +Exit an *looks at you* ATTENDANT +Sit, my pwesewvew, by thy patient's side; +And with this h-heawthfuw h-hand, whose banyish'd sense +T-Thou has *notices bulge* wepeaw'd, a second time weceive +The confiwmation of my pwomis'd gift, +W-Which but a-attends *sighs* thy nyaming. + +Entew thwee ow fouw W-WOWDS + +Faiw maid, send f-fowth >_< thinye eye. This youthfuw pawcew +Of nyobwe b-bachewows stand at my bestowing, +O'ew whom both soveweign powew and fathew's voice +I h-have to use. *notices bulge* Thy fwank ewection make; +Thou hast powew to choose, and they nyonye to fowsake. +HEWENyA. To each of you onye faiw and viwtuous mistwess +F-Faww, when wove pwease. Mawwy, to each b-but onye! +WAFEU. I'd give >_< bay C-Cuwtaw and his fuwnyituwe +My mouth nyo m-mowe wewe bwoken than these boys', +And wwit *hugs tightly* as wittwe beawd. +*teleports behind you* KING. Pewuse them weww. +Nyot onye of those but had a nyobwe fathew. +H-HEWENyA. Gentwemen, +^w^ Heaven hath *cries* thwough me westow'd the King to heawth. +^-^ AWW. We undewstand it, and thank heaven fow y-you. +HEWENyA. I am a simpwe maid, *sweats* and thewein weawthiest +That I pwotest I simpwy am a maid. +Pwease it youw Majesty, I have donye *looks away* awweady. +The bwushes in m-my cheeks thus whispew me: +'We bwush *screams* that thou shouwdst choose; but, be w-wefused, +Wet the white death sit on *shuffles closer* thy cheek fow e-evew, +We'ww nye'ew come thewe x3 again.' +KING. Make c-choice *cuddles you* and see: +Who >w< shuns thy *teleports behind you* wove shuns aww h-his wove in me. +H-HEWENyA. Nyow, D-Dian, fwom thy awtaw do I f-fwy, +And to impewiaw Wove, that *notices bulge* god most *blushes* high, +Do *shuffles closer* my sighs *shuffles closer* stweam. Siw, wiww y-you heaw my s-suit? +F-FIWST WOWD. And gwant it. +HEWENyA. Thanks, siw; aww the west is mute. +WAFEU. I h-had wathew be in this choice than t-thwow ames-ace fow my +wife. +HEWENyA. The h-honyouw, s-siw, that fwames in youw faiw eyes, +Befowe I speak, too thweat'nyingwy wepwies. +Wove m-make youw fowtunyes twenty t-times a-above +Hew t-that so ^w^ wishes, and hew humbwe wove! +;;w;; SECOND WOWD. Nyo bettew, if you ^-^ pwease. +HEWENyA. My wish weceive, +Which gweat Wove g-gwant; and so I-I take my *blushes* weave. +WAFEU. Do aww they deny hew? ^-^ An they wewe ;;w;; sons of minye I-I'd have +them whipt; ow I wouwd s-send them *blushes* to t-th' Tuwk to make *hugs tightly* eunyuchs of. +HEWENyA. B-Be nyot afwaid that I-I youw uWu hand shouwd take; +I'ww nyevew do you wwong fow youw own sake. +Bwessing upon youw vows; and in youw bed +Find faiwew fowtunye, if you evew w-wed! +WAFEU. These *pokes you* boys awe *twerks* boys of ice; *looks at you* they'ww nyonye have hew. +Suwe, they awe bastawds to t-the E-Engwish; the Fwench n-nye'ew got 'em. +HEWENyA. You awe too young, too h-happy, >_< and too good, +T-To make youwsewf a son out o-of my >w< bwood. +FOUWTH W-WOWD. Faiw onye, I think nyot s-so. +WAFEU. Thewe's onye gwape yet; I am suwe thy fathew dwunk winye-but +i-if thou be'st nyot an ass, I-I am a-a youth of fouwteen; I OwO have knyown +thee awweady. +HEWENyA. [To BEWTWAM] I dawe nyot say *twerks* I take you; but I give +Me *looks at you* and my sewvice, evew *cuddles you* whiwst *looks away* I wive, +Into *sweats* youw guiding powew. This *cries* is the man. +KING. Why, then, young Bewtwam, t-take hew; she's thy w-wife. +BEWTWAM. M-My wife, *twerks* my wiege! I shaww beseech youw H-Highnyess, +In such a-a businyess give me OwO weave to use +The hewp of minye own eyes. +KING. Knyow'st thou *shuffles closer* nyot, Bewtwam, +What she has donye fow me? +BEWTWAM. Yes, ;;w;; my good ^-^ wowd; +But nyevew hope to knyow why I-I shouwd mawwy hew. +K-KING. Thou knyow'st she has wais'd me fwom my sickwy bed. +BEWTWAM. But ^.^ fowwows it, my wowd, to bwing m-me down +Must OwO answew fow youw waising? I *twerks* knyow hew w-weww: +She had hew *notices bulge* bweeding at my fathew's chawge. +A poow physician's daughtew my wife! Disdain +Wathew cowwupt uWu me e-evew! +KING. *sweats* 'Tis *pokes you* onwy titwe thou disdain'st in hew, the w-which +I can *teleports behind you* buiwd *looks away* up. Stwange is it that ouw bwoods, +Of cowouw, weight, and heat, pouw'd aww t-togethew, +Wouwd quite confound distinction, yet stand off +In diffewences >_> so mighty. If she be +Aww t-that is viwtuous-save what thou diswik'st, +A p-poow physician's daughtew-thou diswik'st +>_< Of viwtue fow the nyame; but do nyot so. +Fwom wowest pwace when viwtuous ^-^ things pwoceed, +The p-pwace is dignyified by the doew's deed; +Whewe gweat a-additions sweww's, a-and viwtue *looks away* nyonye, +^.^ It is a dwopsied ^-^ honyouw. Good awonye +Is good without a nyame. Viwenyess is *shuffles closer* so: +The pwopewty b-by what it ;;w;; is shouwd go, +Nyot by the titwe. S-She is young, wise, faiw; +I-In these to nyatuwe :3 she's immediate uWu heiw; +And these bweed h-honyouw. That is honyouw's scown +W-Which chawwenges itsewf as honyouw's bown +And *shuffles closer* is nyot wike the siwe. H-Honyouws thwive +>_> When wathew ^-^ fwom o-ouw acts we them dewive +Than *twerks* ouw fowe-goews. The mewe OwO wowd's a *hugs tightly* swave, +Debauch'd on evewy tomb, *leans over* on evewy gwave +A wying twophy; *shuffles closer* and as o-oft is d-dumb +Whewe dust a-and damn'd obwivion i-is t-the tomb +Of honyouw'd bonyes indeed. What shouwd b-be ^w^ said? +If thou canst wike this cweatuwe as a maid, +I c-can cweate :33 the west. Viwtue and she +Is hew own dowew; *cries* honyouw and weawth fwom me. +BEWTWAM. I-I cannyot w-wove hew, >w< nyow *screams* wiww stwive to do >w< 't. +KING. Thou wwong'st thysewf, if thou shouwdst stwive to choose. +H-HEWENyA. That you awe w-weww westow'd, *moans* my >_> wowd, *sighs* I'm gwad. +Wet the west go. +KING. My h-honyouw's at the stake; OwO which to defeat, +I must pwoduce my powew. Hewe, take hew hand, +Pwoud scownfuw boy, unwowthy this good gift, +That dost in viwe mispwision shackwe up +*pokes you* My w-wove and *twerks* hew desewt; that canst ;;w;; nyot *screams* dweam +*teleports behind you* We, p-poising us *looks away* in hew defective scawe, +Shaww weigh thee t-to the beam; OwO that wiwt nyot knyow +It i-is in *cuddles you* us to OwO pwant thinye honyouw whewe +We pwease to *giggles shyly* have it gwow. Check thy contempt; +Obey o-ouw wiww, which t-twavaiws in t-thy good; +B-Bewieve nyot thy disdain, *pokes you* but pwesentwy +^w^ Do thinye *hugs tightly* own fowtunyes that obedient wight +xDD Which both thy duty owes and ouw powew *screams* cwaims; +Ow I wiww thwow thee fwom my cawe fow evew +Into *cuddles you* the s-staggews and the *leans over* cawewess wapse +*looks at you* Of uWu youth and i-ignyowance; both my wevenge and hate +Woosing upon thee in *shuffles closer* the nyame o-of justice, +Without aww tewms of pity. Speak; thinye answew. +B-BEWTWAM. Pawdon, my gwacious wowd; fow I submit +My fancy to youw eyes. W-When I considew +What gweat cweation and what dowe of h-honyouw +Fwies whewe y-you bid it, I *notices bulge* find that she which w-wate +Was i-in my *sweats* nyobwew thoughts most base *giggles shyly* is nyow +*pokes you* The pwaised of the King; who, so ennyobwed, +Is as 'twewe bown s-so. +KING. ^-^ Take hew by t-the hand, +And teww hew *giggles shyly* she is thinye; ^-^ to whom I pwomise +^-^ A countewpoise, if nyot to thy estate +A bawance mowe wepwete. +BEWTWAM. I *hugs tightly* take hew hand. +KING. G-Good fowtunye and the favouw of the King +Smiwe *sweats* upon this contwact; whose cewemony +Shaww seem expedient on the nyow-bown bwief, +And be pewfowm'd ^-^ to-nyight. The sowemn feast +Shaww mowe attend upon the coming space, +Expecting absent f-fwiends. As thou wov'st :3 hew, +Thy wove's to me wewigious; *moans* ewse, >_< does eww. +Exeunt aww but >_< WAFEU and ^w^ PAWOWWES who *pokes you* stay behind, +commenting of this wedding +WAFEU. Do you heaw, monsieuw? A-A *moans* wowd with you. +*teleports behind you* PAWOWWES. Youw >w< pweasuwe, siw? +WAFEU. Youw wowd and mastew did weww to make his wecantation. +PAWOWWES. Wecantation! My Wowd! m-my mastew! +^.^ WAFEU. ^w^ Ay; *giggles shyly* is it nyot a wanguage I speak? +PAWOWWES. A most hawsh onye, *teleports behind you* and n-nyot to be undewstood without b-bwoody +succeeding. M-My mastew! +WAFEU. Awe you companyion to the Count Wousiwwon? +PAWOWWES. To any count; to a-aww counts; to what is *looks at you* man. +W-WAFEU. To what is count's uWu man: count's xDD mastew is of anyothew stywe. +PAWOWWES. *moans* You *twerks* awe too *notices bulge* owd, siw; *sweats* wet it >_< satisfy you, OwO you awe too +owd. +;;w;; WAFEU. I must teww thee, siwwah, I w-wwite man; to which titwe age +*cries* cannyot *shuffles closer* bwing thee. +*notices bulge* PAWOWWES. *twerks* What I dawe too weww do, I dawe nyot do. +WAFEU. I did think thee, fow two owdinyawies, *sweats* to be a pwetty wise +fewwow; *moans* thou didst make towewabwe vent of *giggles shyly* thy twavew; i-it *notices bulge* might +pass. Yet the s-scawfs and the bannyewets about thee did manyifowdwy +dissuade :3 me fwom bewieving thee a vessew of too gweat a buwden. I +have nyow *shuffles closer* found t-thee; when I w-wose thee *moans* again I c-cawe nyot; *hugs tightly* yet awt +thou good fow >_< nyothing ;;w;; but taking up; and that thou'wt ^w^ scawce +wowth. +PAWOWWES. Hadst thou n-nyot >_> the pwiviwege *blushes* of antiquity upon *moans* thee- +WAFEU. D-Do nyot pwunge thysewf too faw in angew, west thou hasten thy +xDD twiaw; which if-Wowd ^.^ have mewcy on thee fow a h-hen! So, my good +window of wattice, fawe thee weww; t-thy >_< casement I nyeed nyot o-open, +fow I *teleports behind you* wook thwough thee. G-Give me *twerks* thy hand. +P-PAWOWWES. My w-wowd, you give me m-most e-egwegious indignyity. +W-WAFEU. Ay, with aww my heawt; and thou awt wowthy of *twerks* it. +PAWOWWES. I have nyot, my wowd, desewv'd it. +WAFEU. Y-Yes, good faith, ev'wy *shuffles closer* dwam of it; a-and I-I wiww nyot ^-^ bate thee +a scwupwe. +P-PAWOWWES. Weww, I shaww be w-wisew. +WAFEU. Ev'n *shuffles closer* as soon as thou canst, fow thou hast *sweats* to puww at a s-smack +o' th' contwawy. If evew thou be'st bound in thy s-scawf and +beaten, thou shawt *leans over* find what it is to be pwoud of thy bondage. I +have a desiwe to howd my acquaintance with thee, *giggles shyly* ow wathew m-my +knyowwedge, that I xDD may s-say in the defauwt 'He is a-a man *moans* I knyow.' +PAWOWWES. My wowd, you do me most insuppowtabwe vexation. +WAFEU. I w-wouwd *sighs* it w-wewe heww pains fow thy sake, a-and my *screams* poow doing +etewnyaw; *sweats* fow *cuddles you* doing I am past, as I wiww by *hugs tightly* thee, in what motion +age w-wiww give m-me weave. *shuffles closer* Exit +OwO PAWOWWES. *teleports behind you* Weww, thou hast a son shaww take this disgwace off me: +scuwvy, owd, fiwthy, scuwvy wowd! Weww, I >w< must b-be patient; thewe +is nyo fettewing of authowity. I'ww beat him, by my wife, if I x3 can +meet him with any convenyience, an h-he wewe doubwe and doubwe a +wowd. I'ww have nyo mowe pity of *shuffles closer* his age t-than I-I wouwd have of- +I'ww beat *looks away* him, and if I couwd but meet him again. + +W-We-entew W-WAFEU + +WAFEU. Siwwah, youw wowd and *giggles shyly* mastew's mawwied; thewe's nyews fow +you; you ^-^ have a nyew mistwess. +PAWOWWES. I most unfeignyedwy *sweats* beseech youw >_> wowdship to x3 make x3 some +wesewvation of youw wwongs. He is my good *teleports behind you* wowd: whom I s-sewve +above is my mastew. +WAFEU. Who? God? +*notices bulge* PAWOWWES. Ay, siw. +WAFEU. The *twerks* deviw it is that's thy mastew. Why dost thou *moans* gawtew up +t-thy *pokes you* awms o' t-this fashion? ;;w;; Dost make h-hose of thy sweeves? Do othew +sewvants so? Thou wewt best OwO set thy wowew p-pawt *giggles shyly* whewe *looks at you* thy nyose +stands. B-By minye honyouw, if I-I wewe but two houws youngew, I'd beat +thee. Methink'st thou awt ^w^ a genyewaw offence, and evewy man *sighs* shouwd +beat thee. I think thou wast cweated fow men to bweathe +*pokes you* themsewves *looks away* upon thee. +PAWOWWES. This :3 is ^w^ hawd and undesewved m-measuwe, m-my >w< wowd. +W-WAFEU. Go to, siw; you w-wewe beaten in Itawy fow picking UwU a kewnyew +out of a pomegwanyate; you *giggles shyly* awe a vagabond, and nyo twue twavewwew; +*hugs tightly* you awe *twerks* mowe saucy with wowds *screams* and h-honyouwabwe pewsonyages than the +commission of youw *cries* biwth and viwtue gives you hewawdwy. Y-You a-awe +^-^ nyot wowth anyothew wowd, e-ewse I'd caww you knyave. I w-weave *leans over* you. +Exit + +Entew BEWTWAM + +P-PAWOWWES. *screams* Good, >w< vewy, good, it is so then. Good, vewy g-good; wet >w< it +be conceaw'd awhiwe. +B-BEWTWAM. Undonye, and fowfeited t-to cawes fow evew! +PAWOWWES. What's t-the mattew, s-sweetheawt? +BEWTWAM. Awthough befowe the :33 sowemn pwiest I have *leans over* swown, +I-I w-wiww :33 nyot bed :3 hew. +PAWOWWES. What, what, sweetheawt? +BEWTWAM. O my Pawowwes, *twerks* they have mawwied me! +I'ww to the Tuscan *twerks* waws, and n-nyevew bed *sighs* hew. +PAWOWWES. Fwance is a dog-howe, and it UwU nyo m-mowe mewits +The twead of a man's foot. To th' waws! +B-BEWTWAM. Thewe's wettews f-fwom my mothew; what th' i-impowt is I knyow +nyot yet. +P-PAWOWWES. x3 Ay, that wouwd be knyown. To th' waws, m-my boy, t-to th' +w-waws! +He w-weaws his honyouw in a box u-unseen +*screams* That hugs his kicky-wicky >_< hewe at home, +*twerks* Spending his manwy mawwow in hew awms, +Which shouwd sustain uWu the bound and h-high cuwvet +Of Maws's fiewy steed. T-To othew wegions! +Fwance is a stabwe; we that dweww in't jades; +Thewefowe, to t-th' >_< waw! +B-BEWTWAM. *blushes* It shaww be s-so; I-I'ww send hew to ^w^ my house, +Acquaint my mothew with my hate to hew, +And *cries* whewefowe I am *cries* fwed; w-wwite to *leans over* the King +That which I-I d-duwst nyot speak. His pwesent *looks away* gift +Shaww fuwnyish me to those UwU Itawian fiewds +Whewe nyobwe fewwows *twerks* stwike. Waw is ^.^ nyo stwife +To the d-dawk house and the d-detested w-wife. +*looks away* PAWOWWES. Wiww t-this capwiccio h-howd in thee, awt suwe? +B-BEWTWAM. Go with me to my chambew and >_< advise me. +I'ww s-send hew stwaight ;;w;; away. To-mowwow +I'ww to the waws, *screams* she to hew singwe sowwow. +*cuddles you* PAWOWWES. UwU Why, *giggles shyly* these bawws *looks at you* bound; x3 thewe's nyoise i-in it. '-'Tis hawd: +;;w;; A young man mawwied i-is a man that's maww'd. +Thewefowe away, and w-weave h-hew bwavewy; >_< go. +The King has donye you *hugs tightly* wwong; b-but, hush, 'tis so. Exeunt + + + + +A-ACT *sighs* II. SCENyE 4. +Pawis. The KING'S pawace + +Entew HEWENyA and C-CWOWN + +HEWENyA. My mothew g-gweets me kindwy; is she w-weww? +CWOWN. She is nyot weww, but yet s-she has hew heawth; she's vewy +m-mewwy, but yet *cuddles you* she is n-nyot *giggles shyly* weww. But thanks be given, she's vewy +weww, and wants nyothing i' th' *screams* wowwd; but yet she >_> is nyot weww. +HEWENyA. If ^.^ she be vewy weww, what does s-she aiw that s-she's ^-^ nyot vewy +>_> weww? +CWOWN. *sighs* Twuwy, she's vewy weww indeed, b-but f-fow two things. +>w< HEWENyA. What two things? +CWOWN. Onye, *leans over* that she's nyot *notices bulge* in h-heaven, whithew God send hew quickwy! +The othew, that she's i-in eawth, fwom whence ^w^ God :3 send hew quickwy! + +^w^ Entew PAWOWWES + +PAWOWWES. Bwess you, m-my fowtunyate wady! +*cries* HEWENyA. I hope, siw, I have youw good wiww to h-have m-minye own good +fowtunyes. +PAWOWWES. Y-You h-had my pwayews to w-wead t-them on; and >_< to keep them >_< on, +*cries* have them stiww. O, *hugs tightly* my knyave, how does my owd wady? +CWOWN. *teleports behind you* So that you had h-hew wwinkwes *twerks* and I ^-^ hew monyey, I wouwd s-she +did as you say. +PAWOWWES. xDD Why, I say nyothing. +CWOWN. M-Mawwy, you awe the wisew m-man; fow many a man's tongue shakes +o-out his mastew's undoing. To say nyothing, to d-do nyothing, to knyow +n-nyothing, and t-to have :33 nyothing, is to :3 be a gweat pawt of youw +titwe, which is within uWu a v-vewy >_< wittwe of nyothing. +PAWOWWES. Away! th'awt a knyave. +CWOWN. Y-You shouwd have said, ;;w;; siw, 'Befowe a knyave th'awt a knyave'; +:3 that's 'Befowe me th'awt a knyave.' *sweats* This had been twuth, siw. +*looks away* PAWOWWES. Go to, thou awt a witty foow; I have ^w^ found thee. +CWOWN. Did you find me i-in youwsewf, siw, ow wewe you >_> taught to find +*shuffles closer* me? The seawch, s-siw, *cries* was xDD pwofitabwe; and much foow may you find +in y-you, even to the wowwd's pweasuwe and *twerks* the incwease of +waughtew. +PAWOWWES. A-A good *looks at you* knyave, i' f-faith, and weww fed. +Madam, m-my *pokes you* wowd wiww go ;;w;; away to-nyight: +A v-vewy sewious businyess cawws on him. +uWu The gweat pwewogative and wite ^w^ of w-wove, +Which, as youw due, time cwaims, he does acknyowwedge; +But puts it off to a compeww'd westwaint; +Whose w-want, and whose deway, is stwew'd with s-sweets, +Which they *notices bulge* distiw nyow in the cuwbed time, +To make the coming houw o-o'ewfwow w-with joy +A-And pweasuwe dwown *leans over* the bwim. +HEWENyA. What's his ewse? +PAWOWWES. That *hugs tightly* you wiww take *sweats* youw >_> instant weave o' th' *pokes you* King, +And m-make this haste as youw own good *teleports behind you* pwoceeding, +Stwength'nyed with what *cries* apowogy you think +M-May *notices bulge* make it *blushes* pwobabwe nyeed. +HEWENyA. What m-mowe *moans* commands he? +PAWOWWES. That, *pokes you* having this obtain'd, y-you >_< pwesentwy +Attend his *cries* fuwthew pweasuwe. +*cries* HEWENyA. In evewything I wait upon his wiww. +PAWOWWES. I-I shaww :33 wepowt it so. +HEWENyA. I p-pway you. Exit PAWOWWES +Come, siwwah. Exeunt + + + + +*sighs* ACT II. SCENyE 5. +Pawis. The *cries* KING'S pawace + +Entew WAFEU a-and B-BEWTWAM + +W-WAFEU. But x3 I hope youw wowdship thinks nyot him a *hugs tightly* sowdiew. +BEWTWAM. Y-Yes, my wowd, and of vewy vawiant appwoof. +*screams* WAFEU. You have it fwom his own dewivewance. +BEWTWAM. And by othew wawwanted testimony. +WAFEU. Then my diaw goes nyot twue; I took this ^w^ wawk fow a bunting. +BEWTWAM. I d-do assuwe you, my wowd, he is *cuddles you* vewy gweat in knyowwedge, +and a-accowdingwy vawiant. +W-WAFEU. I have then *twerks* sinn'd against his expewience and twansgwess'd +against h-his *pokes you* vawouw; and my state that way i-is dangewous, since I +cannyot yet f-find *looks away* in my heawt to w-wepent. Hewe he comes; I-I *sighs* pway you +make us fwiends; I wiww puwsue the a-amity + +Entew PAWOWWES + +*looks away* PAWOWWES. [To BEWTWAM] These things shaww be donye, siw. +WAFEU. Pway you, siw, w-who's his taiwow? +PAWOWWES. Siw! +WAFEU. O, I k-knyow him weww. Ay, siw; he, siw, 's a g-good wowkman, a +vewy good :3 taiwow. +BEWTWAM. [-[Aside *cries* to PAWOWWES] Is she g-gonye to the x3 King? +PAWOWWES. She *teleports behind you* is. +BEWTWAM. Wiww *cries* she away t-to-nyight? +*looks at you* PAWOWWES. *leans over* As you'ww have hew. +BEWTWAM. I have wwit my *moans* wettews, c-casketed my *teleports behind you* tweasuwe, +Given owdew fow ouw howses; and to-nyight, +When I shouwd t-take possession of the bwide, +End ewe I do begin. +W-WAFEU. A good twavewwew is something at *looks away* the wattew end o-of a *leans over* dinnyew; +but onye that wies thwee-thiwds and uses a knyown twuth to pass a +t-thousand *shuffles closer* nyothings with, shouwd be once OwO heawd and t-thwice beaten. +God save you, Captain. +BEWTWAM. Is thewe any >w< unkindnyess between my wowd and *teleports behind you* you, monsieuw? +PAWOWWES. I knyow nyot how I have d-desewved to wun into my wowd's +dispweasuwe. +WAFEU. You have made ^.^ shift to ^.^ wun into 't, boots a-and spuws and aww, +wike him that weapt into the custawd; *giggles shyly* and out of it you'ww wun +again, wathew than suffew question fow youw wesidence. +BEWTWAM. I-It may be you have m-mistaken him, my wowd. +WAFEU. And *giggles shyly* shaww d-do so evew, though I *blushes* took him at's pwayews. +Fawe y-you weww, my wowd; and bewieve this of me: thewe can b-be nyo +*hugs tightly* kewnyaw in this w-wight nyut; the souw of this man is his cwothes; +twust him nyot in *cuddles you* mattew of heavy *pokes you* consequence; I have x3 kept of them +tame, and knyow theiw nyatuwes. Faweweww, monsieuw; I have spoken +bettew of you *blushes* than you have ow wiww to desewve *looks at you* at my >_> hand; b-but we +must do g-good against eviw. Exit +PAWOWWES. An idwe wowd, I uWu sweaw. +BEWTWAM. I think so. +OwO PAWOWWES. Why, ;;w;; do you nyot knyow him? +BEWTWAM. Yes, I do knyow him weww; and common speech +Gives h-him >_< a wowthy pass. *shuffles closer* Hewe comes m-my cwog. + +Entew HEWENyA + +HEWENyA. I have, siw, as I w-was ^-^ commanded fwom *moans* you, +Spoke with the King, a-and ;;w;; have p-pwocuw'd his *cries* weave +Fow pwesent *leans over* pawting; o-onwy he desiwes +S-Some pwivate speech *teleports behind you* with you. +BEWTWAM. I uWu shaww obey his wiww. +You must >_> nyot mawvew, Hewen, xDD at my ^w^ couwse, +UwU Which howds nyot cowouw with *notices bulge* the time, nyow does +T-The minyistwation and wequiwed office +O-On ^w^ my p-pawticuwaw. Pwepaw'd I was nyot +F-Fow such a businyess; thewefowe am I found +So much unsettwed. This dwives me to entweat you +>w< That pwesentwy you take ^.^ youw w-way fow home, +And wathew muse than a-ask why I-I entweat you; +Fow my wespects awe b-bettew than ^.^ they seem, +And my *blushes* appointments h-have in them a n-nyeed +G-Gweatew than shows *giggles shyly* itsewf a-at the f-fiwst view +To you that knyow them nyot. T-This *giggles shyly* to my mothew. +*cries* [Giving a wettew] +'-'Twiww b-be two days ewe I shaww see you; so +I weave *cries* you *teleports behind you* to youw wisdom. +HEWENyA. Siw, I can nyothing *screams* say +But that I am youw most obedient s-sewvant. +BEWTWAM. Come, c-come, nyo mowe of that. +HEWENyA. A-And evew ^.^ shaww +With twue obsewvance seek to eke out that +Whewein towawd me my homewy s-staws have :3 faiw'd +To equaw my gweat fowtunye. +BEWTWAM. *giggles shyly* Wet that OwO go. +My *looks at you* haste *looks at you* is v-vewy *shuffles closer* gweat. Faweweww; h-hie home. +HEWENyA. *notices bulge* Pway, siw, ;;w;; youw pawdon. +BEWTWAM. Weww, w-what wouwd *twerks* you say? +H-HEWENyA. I *screams* am nyot w-wowthy o-of the weawth I owe, +Nyow *blushes* dawe *twerks* I say 'tis minye, and yet it is; +*twerks* But, wike a timowous *giggles shyly* thief, most fain *looks at you* wouwd steaw +What waw does vouch minye ^w^ own. +BEWTWAM. What wouwd you h-have? +*moans* HEWENyA. Something; >_< and scawce *sighs* so much; nyothing, indeed. +I wouwd n-nyot teww you what I wouwd, my wowd. +Faith, *shuffles closer* yes: +Stwangews and foes do s-sundew and nyot kiss. +B-BEWTWAM. I pway you, stay nyot, *sighs* but in haste ^w^ to howse. +HEWENyA. I shaww *sighs* nyot bweak youw bidding, good *sighs* my w-wowd. +BEWTWAM. W-Whewe a-awe my o-othew uWu men, monsieuw? +Faweweww! Exit HEWENyA +Go thou towawd home, whewe *hugs tightly* I wiww *pokes you* nyevew come +Whiwst I c-can shake m-my ;;w;; swowd ow heaw the dwum. +UwU Away, and fow *shuffles closer* ouw fwight. +*sweats* PAWOWWES. B-Bwavewy, c-cowagio! Exeunt + + + +*sweats* <> + + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 1. +Fwowence. The DUKE's pawace + +F-Fwouwish. Entew the DUKE >_> OF FWOWENCE, attended; two +xDD FWENCH W-WOWDS, with a TWOOP OF SOWDIEWS + +DUKE. *moans* So that, fwom point to point, nyow have you heaw +The fundamentaw weasons of this waw; +Whose *teleports behind you* gweat decision hath m-much bwood *shuffles closer* wet fowth +And mowe thiwsts a-aftew. +FIWST *twerks* WOWD. Howy seems *blushes* the *looks at you* quawwew +Upon youw Gwace's pawt; bwack and f-feawfuw +O-On the o-opposew. +DUKE. T-Thewefowe we mawvew much ouw c-cousin Fwance +Wouwd in so just a businyess shut his bosom +*pokes you* Against ouw bowwowing p-pwayews. +SECOND WOWD. Good my wowd, +The w-weasons of ouw state I c-cannyot :3 yiewd, +But *sweats* wike a common and an o-outwawd man +*sweats* That the gweat f-figuwe of a counciw fwames +By sewf-unyabwe m-motion; thewefowe d-dawe nyot +Say what *notices bulge* I think *notices bulge* of it, since I have found +Mysewf in my incewtain gwounds to f-faiw +As o-often UwU as *leans over* I *cries* guess'd. +DUKE. Be it his pweasuwe. +FIWST W-WOWD. :3 But I am s-suwe the youngew of ouw nyatuwe, +That suwfeit on theiw e-ease, wiww day by *leans over* day +Come hewe fow physic. +DUKE. W-Wewcome s-shaww they be +And aww the honyouws that c-can fwy fwom us +Shaww on :3 them settwe. Y-You k-knyow youw pwaces weww; +When bettew faww, fow youw avaiws they uWu feww. +To-mowwow to t-th' fiewd. Fwouwish. Exeunt + + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 2. +Wousiwwon. *shuffles closer* The COUNT'S pawace + +Entew COUNTESS *screams* and CWOWN + +UwU COUNTESS. It hath happen'd aww as I *notices bulge* wouwd ^.^ have had it, save that *notices bulge* he +comes n-nyot awong :33 with hew. +CWOWN. B-By *leans over* my t-twoth, I take my young *twerks* wowd to be a vewy mewanchowy +man. +COUNTESS. By what obsewvance, I pway y-you? +CWOWN. Why, he wiww wook upon *pokes you* his boot and sing; mend the wuff and +sing; ask questions and sing; pick *leans over* his teeth and sing. I knyow a +man t-that had this twick o-of mewanchowy sowd a *twerks* goodwy m-manyow fow a +song. +*twerks* COUNTESS. Wet me see w-what he wwites, and when he means to come. +[Openying a *shuffles closer* wettew] +CWOWN. I h-have n-nyo mind to Isbew s-since I was at couwt. Ouw owd wing +and ouw I-Isbews o-o' th' countwy awe nyothing wike y-youw owd wing and +youw Isbews o' t-th' couwt. The bwains xDD of my Cupid's *moans* knyock'd out; +and I begin to wove, as :3 an owd man woves monyey, with nyo stomach. +COUNTESS. What have w-we hewe? +CWOWN. E'en that you have thewe. Exit +COUNTESS. :33 [Weads] 'I have sent y-you a daughtew-in-waw; she hath +wecovewed the King and undonye me. I have *cries* wedded hew, nyot bedded +hew; and swown to >_< make the *looks away* "nyot" e-etewnyaw. You shaww heaw I *pokes you* am wun +a-away; *looks away* knyow it befowe the wepowt come. If t-thewe be bweadth enyough +in t-the wowwd, I wiww howd a ;;w;; wong distance. ;;w;; My duty to you. +Youw unfowtunyate son, +*cries* BEWTWAM.' +This i-is *pokes you* nyot weww, wash and *screams* unbwidwed boy, +T-To fwy the favouws of so good a king, +To pwuck his xDD indignyation on thy head +By the mispwizing of a maid too viwtuous +uWu Fow the contempt of empiwe. + +^w^ We-entew *blushes* CWOWN + +CWOWN. O madam, yondew :3 is heavy *looks at you* nyews w-within between t-two sowdiews +and my young wady. +COUNTESS. What is the -mattew? +C-CWOWN. Nyay, thewe is s-some comfowt in *pokes you* the nyews, some comfowt; youw +son wiww nyot be kiww'd so soon as I thought h-he wouwd. +COUNTESS. Why *leans over* shouwd he be kiww'd? +CWOWN. So say I, m-madam, if he w-wun away, as I h-heaw he does the +d-dangew i-is in standing *leans over* to 't; that's the woss of men, though it be +the *giggles shyly* getting of *shuffles closer* chiwdwen. Hewe they come wiww teww you mowe. Fow my +pawt, *shuffles closer* I onwy heaw youw son was wun a-away. Exit + +E-Entew HEWENyA and the two FWENCH *moans* GENTWEMEN + +^-^ SECOND GENTWEMAN. *cuddles you* Save you, *cries* good m-madam. +HEWENyA. Madam, my wowd is gonye, fow e-evew *teleports behind you* gonye. +FIWST *giggles shyly* GENTWEMAN. *cries* Do *giggles shyly* nyot say so. +COUNTESS. ^.^ Think *shuffles closer* upon *giggles shyly* patience. Pway OwO you, gentwemen- +:33 I have f-fewt ^-^ so many quiwks o-of joy a-and g-gwief +That the fiwst face of nyeithew, o-on the stawt, +*screams* Can woman me unto 't. >_> Whewe is my son, I-I *shuffles closer* pway you? +FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Madam, he's gonye to sewve the UwU Duke *screams* of Fwowence. +We *twerks* met him thithewwawd; fow ^w^ thence we came, +And, *giggles shyly* aftew *shuffles closer* some dispatch in hand at couwt, +Thithew we ^.^ bend a-again. +HEWENyA. Wook on this ^.^ wettew, madam; hewe's >_> my p-passpowt. +[-[Weads] 'When thou *moans* canst get the wing upon my *cuddles you* fingew, which +*blushes* nyevew *twerks* shaww come off, and show me a chiwd begotten o-of *moans* thy body +*notices bulge* that I am fathew to, then UwU caww me husband; but in s-such a *moans* "then" I +wwite a "nyevew." +This is a dweadfuw sentence. +C-COUNTESS. Bwought you this wettew, gentwemen? +FIWST GENTWEMAN. Ay, madam; +And fow t-the >w< contents' sake awe sowwy fow ouw pains. +COUNTESS. I pwithee, wady, have a b-bettew c-cheew; +If *sweats* thou engwossest aww t-the gwiefs awe thinye, +Thou wobb'st me o-of a moiety. He was my s-son; +But I d-do wash his nyame o-out *screams* of my ^w^ bwood, +A-And thou awt aww my chiwd. >_< Towawds F-Fwowence *blushes* is he? +*sighs* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Ay, m-madam. +COUNTESS. And t-to be a sowdiew? +FIWST GENTWEMAN. Such is his nyobwe puwpose; and, bewieve 't, +The Duke wiww w-way upon him *blushes* aww the honyouw +That good convenyience c-cwaims. +COUNTESS. Wetuwn *looks away* you thithew? +SECOND G-GENTWEMAN. :3 Ay, madam, with the swiftest wing of speed. +HEWENyA. [Weads] 'Tiww I have nyo wife, *screams* I h-have nyothing i-in Fwance.' +'Tis bittew. +COUNTESS. *leans over* Find *twerks* you that t-thewe? +HEWENyA. Ay, madam. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. *notices bulge* 'Tis but the bowdnyess of his hand hapwy, *sweats* which +his heawt was nyot consenting to. +:3 COUNTESS. Nyothing in Fwance u-untiw he have nyo wife! +Thewe's nyothing hewe t-that is too good fow him +But onwy she; *cries* and *leans over* she desewves a wowd +That *pokes you* twenty such *sweats* wude boys might tend upon, +And caww hew h-houwwy *teleports behind you* mistwess. Who was OwO with *looks at you* him? +^-^ SECOND GENTWEMAN. A sewvant onwy, and :33 a *teleports behind you* gentweman +Which I have sometime knyown. +COUNTESS. Pawowwes, was it nyot? +SECOND G-GENTWEMAN. Ay, my good wady, he. +COUNTESS. A vewy t-tainted fewwow, and fuww of UwU wickednyess. +My s-son cowwupts a w-weww-dewived nyatuwe +With his *cuddles you* inducement. +SECOND UwU GENTWEMAN. Indeed, good *leans over* wady, +The :3 fewwow has a deaw of that too much +Which h-howds him much to have. +COUNTESS. Y'awe wewcome, gentwemen. +I wiww entweat you, when you s-see UwU my son, +To *giggles shyly* teww him *shuffles closer* that his *teleports behind you* swowd can nyevew win +The honyouw that he w-woses. Mowe I'ww entweat you +Wwitten to beaw awong. +^.^ FIWST GENTWEMAN. W-We sewve you, madam, +In that and aww youw wowthiest affaiws. +COUNTESS. Nyot so, but as we change ouw couwtesies. +Wiww you dwaw nyeaw? Exeunt COUNTESS and GENTWEMEN +HEWENyA. 'Tiww I have nyo wife, I *screams* have nyothing in Fwance.' +Nyothing in Fwance u-untiw he has nyo wife! +Thou shawt have nyonye, Wousiwwon, n-nyonye i-in Fwance +Then hast >_< thou aww again. Poow OwO wowd! is't +That chase thee fwom thy countwy, and e-expose +Those tendew w-wimbs o-of thinye to t-the event +Of the nyon-spawing w-waw? A-And is it I +That dwive thee fwom the s-spowtive couwt, whewe thou +Wast shot at with xDD faiw OwO eyes, t-to b-be t-the mawk +Of smoky muskets? O you OwO weaden messengews, +That wide upon the viowent speed of fiwe, +F-Fwy with f-fawse aim; OwO move the stiww-piecing aiw, +That sings with x3 piewcing; *blushes* do nyot touch my wowd. +Whoevew shoots at h-him, I set him thewe; +Whoevew chawges o-on *leans over* his fowwawd bweast, +I am the c-caitiff that d-do howd him to't; +And though *hugs tightly* I kiww him nyot, I am the cause +His death was so effected. Bettew 'twewe +I-I m-met t-the wavin w-wion when he woaw'd +W-With s-shawp constwaint of hungew; *looks at you* bettew 'twewe +T-That a-aww the misewies which nyatuwe owes +Wewe m-minye at o-once. *sweats* Nyo; come thou home, Wousiwwon, +Whence >_> honyouw *teleports behind you* but of dangew wins a scaw, +As o-oft it woses *shuffles closer* aww. *twerks* I w-wiww be gonye. +My being h-hewe i-it is that howds thee hence. +Shaww I stay *screams* hewe *blushes* to uWu do 't? Nyo, ;;w;; nyo, *sighs* awthough +The a-aiw of pawadise did fan the ^.^ house, +And angews offic'd aww. I wiww be gonye, +That pitifuw wumouw may wepowt m-my fwight +To *twerks* consowate thinye eaw. UwU Come, nyight; end, day. +Fow with t-the dawk, poow thief, I'ww steaw away. Exit + + + + +ACT *sweats* III. SCENyE 3. +Fwowence. Befowe *notices bulge* the D-DUKE's pawace + +Fwouwish. Entew the DUKE OF FWOWENCE, BEWTWAM, PAWOWWES, SOWDIEWS, +dwum and t-twumpets + +DUKE. ^w^ The Genyewaw of ouw Howse t-thou awt; and we, +Gweat i-in ouw hope, way *looks away* ouw *leans over* best wove and cwedence +*cries* Upon thy pwomising fowtunye. +BEWTWAM. Siw, it is +A chawge too heavy fow my stwength; but yet +We'ww stwive to beaw it fow youw wowthy sake +To th' *looks at you* extweme edge of hazawd. +DUKE. Then go thou ;;w;; fowth; +A-And Fowtunye pway upon t-thy pwospewous hewm, +uWu As thy a-auspicious mistwess! +:33 BEWTWAM. This vewy *sighs* day, +G-Gweat M-Maws, I put mysewf into thy fiwe; +Make m-me but wike >_> my thoughts, *moans* and I shaww p-pwove +A w-wovew of thy dwum, hatew of wove. Exeunt + + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 4. +Wousiwwon. The COUNT'S pawace + +Entew COUNTESS and *giggles shyly* STEWAWD + +COUNTESS. Awas! and wouwd *shuffles closer* you x3 take the w-wettew of hew? +Might you *leans over* nyot knyow she wouwd do as she has donye +By *hugs tightly* sending me xDD a wettew? Wead it xDD again. +S-STEWAWD. [-[Weads] 'I am Saint *looks away* Jaques' piwgwim, thithew g-gonye. +Ambitious *giggles shyly* wove hath *screams* so in me offended +That *screams* bawefoot pwod I t-the *shuffles closer* cowd gwound upon, +With sainted vow my fauwts to x3 have amended. +Wwite, *twerks* wwite, that *moans* fwom the bwoody couwse of waw +>_< My d-deawest mastew, *notices bulge* youw deaw s-son, may hie. +Bwess ^.^ him at home i-in p-peace, whiwst I fwom faw +His nyame with zeawous *notices bulge* fewvouw s-sanctify. +His taken wabouws bid him *cuddles you* me fowgive; +I-I, *cries* his >_> despitefuw Junyo, sent him f-fowth +Fwom couwtwy fwiends, with camping foes to wive, +Whewe death and dangew dogs *pokes you* the heews of wowth. +He *looks at you* is too good and faiw fow death a-and me; +Whom I mysewf *moans* embwace to set him fwee.' +COUNTESS. *twerks* Ah, what shawp stings awe in hew miwdest wowds! +*blushes* Winyawdo, UwU you did nyevew wack advice so m-much +As wetting hew pass so; *pokes you* had I spoke with hew, +I c-couwd have weww divewted hew ^.^ intents, +*leans over* Which thus s-she hath pwevented. +STEWAWD. P-Pawdon me, madam; +If I had given you this at uWu ovew-nyight, +She might have been o'ew t-ta'en; and yet she w-wwites +Puwsuit wouwd *sweats* be but v-vain. +COUNTESS. What angew shaww +Bwess this unwowthy husband? He cannyot thwive, +x3 Unwess hew pwayews, whom heaven d-dewights t-to *giggles shyly* heaw +And woves to :3 gwant, wepwieve him fwom >w< the wwath +Of gweatest justice. Wwite, wwite, Winyawdo, +To this unwowthy h-husband of his wife; +*teleports behind you* Wet >_< evewy wowd weigh heavy of hew wowth +That he does :3 weigh too wight. My *leans over* gweatest gwief, +Though wittwe he do feew it, set down shawpwy. +Dispatch the most convenyient messengew. +When hapwy he s-shaww heaw *moans* that *hugs tightly* she i-is gonye +He wiww wetuwn; and *sweats* hope I may that she, +Heawing so much, *looks away* wiww speed hew foot again, +Wed hithew *twerks* by puwe wove. Which of them *twerks* both +*shuffles closer* Is deawest to me *notices bulge* I have *blushes* nyo skiww in sense +To make distinction. Pwovide this messengew. +UwU My heawt is heavy, and minye age is weak; +Gwief wouwd h-have teaws, *notices bulge* and sowwow bids me speak. E-Exeunt + + + + +ACT ;;w;; III. SCENyE 5. + +Without the *looks away* wawws *moans* of F-Fwowence +A tucket afaw off. Entew an owd WIDOW O-OF FWOWENCE, hew daughtew DIANyA, +VIOWENTA, and MAWIANyA, with :3 othew CITIZENS + +x3 WIDOW. Nyay, come; *looks away* fow if they d-do appwoach the *leans over* city we shaww wose +a-aww the s-sight. +DIANyA. They *pokes you* say the :3 Fwench count has donye most honyouwabwe sewvice. +WIDOW. It is wepowted uWu that he h-has taken t-theiw gweat'st commandew; +and >w< that with his own h-hand h-he swew the Duke's bwothew. [Tucket] +We have wost ouw wabouw; *cuddles you* they awe gonye a-a contwawy way. ^w^ Hawk! you +m-may knyow by theiw twumpets. +MAWIANyA. Come, wet's wetuwn again, and suffice ouwsewves with the +wepowt of it. Weww, Dianya, take heed of this Fwench e-eaww; the +UwU honyouw *pokes you* of a maid is hew nyame, a-and nyo wegacy *notices bulge* is so w-wich a-as +*notices bulge* honyesty. +WIDOW. I-I have towd m-my nyeighbouw how you *shuffles closer* have b-been UwU sowicited by a +g-gentweman his companyion. +MAWIANyA. I knyow that knyave, hang him! onye *twerks* Pawowwes; a fiwthy +officew he is in those suggestions fow the *hugs tightly* young eaww. Bewawe of +them, Dianya: t-theiw pwomises, enticements, oaths, *sweats* tokens, a-and aww +these enginyes of wust, awe *shuffles closer* nyot t-the things t-they go undew; many a +maid hath been seduced *cries* by them; and the misewy is, exampwe, that +s-so tewwibwe shows in the *hugs tightly* wweck of >w< maidenhood, cannyot *sighs* fow aww that +dissuade *notices bulge* succession, but that they OwO awe wimed with the t-twigs that +thweatens them. I hope I nyeed nyot to advise you f-fuwthew; b-but I +hope youw o-own x3 gwace wiww keep you whewe you a-awe, though thewe +wewe n-nyo fuwthew dangew knyown but *moans* the modesty which is so wost. +DIANyA. You shaww nyot nyeed to feaw me. + +Entew H-HEWENyA in the dwess ^.^ of a-a p-piwgwim + +WIDOW. I hope so. Wook, hewe comes a piwgwim. I k-knyow she wiww w-wie +at my house: thithew t-they *pokes you* send uWu onye anyothew. I'ww question hew. +*cries* God save you, piwgwim! W-Whithew awe bound? +*hugs tightly* HEWENyA. T-To Saint Jaques we Gwand. +Whewe *looks at you* do the pawmews wodge, I d-do beseech you? +WIDOW. A-At xDD the Saint Fwancis hewe, beside the powt. +H-HEWENyA. Is this the way? +[A mawch afaw] +UwU WIDOW. Ay, mawwy, is't. Hawk you! They come this way. +If you wiww *blushes* tawwy, howy piwgwim, +But tiww the x3 twoops come OwO by, +I wiww conduct you whewe you shaww be wodg'd; +The wathew fow I t-think I-I knyow *blushes* youw hostess +As ampwe as mysewf. +*notices bulge* HEWENyA. Is it y-youwsewf? +WIDOW. If you shaww pwease so, piwgwim. +HEWENyA. I t-thank you, and *sighs* wiww stay upon youw weisuwe. +W-WIDOW. You came, I think, fwom Fwance? +HEWENyA. I did so. +WIDOW. Hewe you shaww see a countwyman of youws +*pokes you* That has donye wowthy s-sewvice. +HEWENyA. His nyame, I pway you. +DIANyA. T-The Count Wousiwwon. *hugs tightly* Knyow you such *looks away* a onye? +HEWENyA. B-But by the *looks away* eaw, that heaws most nyobwy of him; +His ;;w;; face I knyow nyot. +DIANyA. W-What some'ew he is, +He's *sweats* bwavewy t-taken hewe. He stowe fwom Fwance, +A-As *shuffles closer* 'tis wepowted, fow the King had mawwied h-him +Against his wiking. *cuddles you* Think you it i-is so? +HEWENyA. Ay, suwewy, mewe the twuth; I k-knyow his wady. +DIANyA. Thewe is a g-gentweman t-that s-sewves *blushes* the Count +Wepowts but c-coawsewy of hew. +H-HEWENyA. What's his nyame? +DIANyA. *sweats* Monsieuw Pawowwes. +HEWENyA. :33 O, *cries* I bewieve w-with h-him, +*looks at you* In awgument of pwaise, ow t-to t-the wowth +Of the gweat *looks away* Count himsewf, she is too mean +To have hew nyame wepeated; aww hew desewving +Is a wesewved honyesty, and that +*cuddles you* I have nyot heawd examin'd. +DIANyA. A-Awas, poow *sighs* wady! +'Tis a h-hawd bondage to become t-the wife +Of a detesting wowd. +WIDOW. I sweet, good cweatuwe, whewesoe'ew she *looks at you* is +H-Hew heawt weighs sadwy. This young maid might do xDD hew +A shwewd tuwn, if she p-pweas'd. +HEWENyA. How do you *looks at you* mean? +M-May be *teleports behind you* the amowous C-Count *looks at you* sowicits hew +In the unwawfuw puwpose. +*cries* WIDOW. He does, i-indeed; +And UwU bwokes with aww t-that can in s-such *shuffles closer* a suit +Cowwupt the t-tendew honyouw >_> of a maid; +But she is awm'd fow him, and keeps h-hew guawd +In *moans* honyestest defence. + +Entew, *twerks* with dwum and cowouws, B-BEWTWAM, *teleports behind you* PAWOWWES, and *shuffles closer* the +whowe AWMY + +M-MAWIANyA. The gods *sighs* fowbid uWu ewse! +uWu WIDOW. So, nyow they come. +That is A-Antonyio, the Duke's xDD ewdest son; +That, Escawus. +HEWENyA. Which is the Fwenchman? +D-DIANyA. He- +That with the pwume; 'tis *shuffles closer* a most gawwant fewwow. +I wouwd he OwO wov'd his wife; if he wewe honyestew +He wewe much goodwiew. Is't nyot a handsome gentweman? +*cries* HEWENyA. I *leans over* wike him weww. +DIANyA. 'Tis pity he is nyot *twerks* honyest. Yond's that same knyave +That weads him to these pwaces; wewe >_> I his uWu wady +I wouwd poison OwO that v-viwe wascaw. +H-HEWENyA. Which i-is h-he? +DIANyA. That *hugs tightly* jack-an-apes w-with scawfs. Why is he m-mewanchowy? +HEWENyA. P-Pewchance he's huwt i' th' battwe. +PAWOWWES. *sighs* Wose ouw dwum! weww. +MAWIANyA. He's shwewdwy vex'd at something. +Wook, he OwO has spied us. +WIDOW. Mawwy, hang y-you! +MAWIANyA. *looks away* And youw couwtesy, fow a wing-cawwiew! +Exeunt BEWTWAM, PAWOWWES, and AWMY +WIDOW. The twoop is ^w^ past. xDD Come, piwgwim, I wiww bwing you +Whewe you shaww host. Of enjoin'd penyitents +Thewe's fouw ow five, t-to gweat Saint Jaques bound, +Awweady at my house. +HEWENyA. *sweats* I humbwy t-thank you. +Pwease it this matwon >_< and this gentwe xDD maid +T-To eat with us to-nyight; *teleports behind you* the c-chawge a-and thanking +Shaww be fow me, and, to wequite you fuwthew, +I-I wiww bestow some pwecepts of *cuddles you* this viwgin, +Wowthy the nyote. +BOTH. W-We'ww take youw offew kindwy. >_< Exeunt + + + + +*twerks* ACT I-III. ^w^ SCENyE 6. +Camp befowe Fwowence + +Entew ^w^ BEWTWAM, UwU and t-the two FWENCH WOWDS + +SECOND WOWD. Nyay, g-good my *looks away* wowd, put >w< him to't; wet him have his way. +*screams* FIWST WOWD. If youw wowdship find him nyot a h-hiding, howd me nyo mowe +in youw wespect. +S-SECOND WOWD. On my wife, my wowd, a bubbwe. +BEWTWAM. *pokes you* Do you think I am so uWu faw deceived in him? +SECOND W-WOWD. Bewieve it, my wowd, *sighs* in minye own d-diwect knyowwedge, +without any mawice, but to speak *twerks* of him as my kinsman, he's a +m-most nyotabwe cowawd, an i-infinyite and endwess wiaw, an houwwy +p-pwomise-bweakew, t-the ownyew of nyo onye g-good quawity wowthy *shuffles closer* youw +wowdship's entewtainment. +FIWST W-WOWD. It wewe fit y-you knyew him; west, weposing t-too faw in his +viwtue, ;;w;; which he hath nyot, h-he might at some gweat and *teleports behind you* twusty +b-businyess ^-^ in a main *sweats* dangew faiw y-you. +BEWTWAM. >_< I wouwd I knyew i-in what pawticuwaw *leans over* action to twy him. +FIWST WOWD. N-Nyonye b-bettew >_< than to *looks at you* wet him fetch off his d-dwum, which +you h-heaw h-him so confidentwy undewtake to do. +SECOND WOWD. I with >_< a twoop of x3 Fwowentinyes wiww suddenwy suwpwise +*hugs tightly* him; such I *looks away* wiww h-have whom >_< I ^.^ am suwe he knyows nyot fwom the e-enyemy. +We *pokes you* wiww b-bind and hoodwink him s-so that h-he s-shaww suppose nyo o-othew +but that he is cawwied *cries* into the weaguew of *notices bulge* the advewsawies w-when +we b-bwing him to ouw own tents. *cries* Be *cuddles you* but youw wowdship pwesent at +his examinyation; if he do nyot, fow t-the p-pwomise of his wife and *blushes* in +the highest compuwsion of base feaw, offew to betway you and +dewivew UwU aww *leans over* the intewwigence in *blushes* his powew against y-you, and that +w-with the divinye *moans* fowfeit of his souw upon oath, nyevew twust m-my +*sweats* judgment in anything. +FIWST :33 WOWD. O, fow the *leans over* wove of waughtew, wet him fetch his dwum; he +>w< says he h-has a stwatagem fow't. When y-youw wowdship sees the *notices bulge* bottom +of his success in't, *cuddles you* and to what metaw ;;w;; this countewfeit wump of +owe wiww *giggles shyly* be *pokes you* mewted, if you give him nyot John Dwum's +*leans over* entewtainment, youw incwinying cannyot be wemoved. Hewe he uWu comes. + +E-Entew *cries* PAWOWWES + +SECOND W-WOWD. O-O, fow the *screams* wove of waughtew, hindew nyot ^.^ the honyouw o-of +*twerks* his design; wet him fetch off his dwum i-in any hand. +BEWTWAM. How nyow, monsieuw! This dwum sticks *sweats* sowewy i-in youw +disposition. +FIWST *sighs* WOWD. A pox on 't; wet it go; 'tis but a dwum. +*blushes* PAWOWWES. B-But a dwum! Is't b-but a d-dwum? :33 A ^.^ dwum so w-wost! xDD Thewe was +excewwent command: to *screams* chawge in with ouw howse upon ouw own +wings, and to wend o-ouw own sowdiews! +FIWST WOWD. That was nyot to b-be bwam'd in the command of the +sewvice; it was a disastew of waw *screams* that Caesaw himsewf couwd nyot +h-have pwevented, if he had b-been thewe to command. +BEWTWAM. Weww, we cannyot gweatwy *looks away* condemn ouw success. +Some dishonyouw we had in the *sweats* woss of that dwum; but it *screams* is nyot to +^w^ be wecovewed. +*pokes you* PAWOWWES. It might h-have been wecovewed. +BEWTWAM. It m-might, but it is nyot nyow. +PAWOWWES. It OwO is to :33 be wecovewed. But that t-the mewit of sewvice is +*teleports behind you* sewdom attwibuted to the *looks away* twue and OwO exact pewfowmew, I wouwd have +*giggles shyly* that dwum ow anyothew, ow 'hic jacet.' +*leans over* BEWTWAM. Why, if you have a xDD stomach, xDD to't, monsieuw. If you think +uWu youw *sighs* mystewy in *hugs tightly* stwatagem can bwing >_> this instwument of honyouw +again ;;w;; into his nyative quawtew, b-be magnyanyimous in the entewpwise, +*screams* and go on; I wiww gwace the attempt fow a *blushes* wowthy expwoit. If you +speed weww in it, the D-Duke shaww both speak of it *sighs* and extend to +you w-what *cuddles you* fuwthew becomes his >w< gweatnyess, even to the utmost +sywwabwe of ouw w-wowthinyess. +P-PAWOWWES. By the *cuddles you* hand of a ^-^ sowdiew, I wiww undewtake it. +BEWTWAM. But you must nyot nyow swumbew in i-it. +P-PAWOWWES. I'ww about it this evenying; and I wiww pwesentwy UwU pen +down my ^-^ diwemmas, encouwage mysewf in my cewtainty, put *blushes* mysewf +into my mowtaw pwepawation; and by midnyight wook to heaw fuwthew +fwom *looks away* me. +BEWTWAM. May I be :3 bowd to *shuffles closer* acquaint his *hugs tightly* Gwace you awe g-gonye about it? +PAWOWWES. I knyow nyot what the success wiww be, my wowd, but the +a-attempt I v-vow. +*twerks* BEWTWAM. I *leans over* knyow th' awt vawiant; and, to ;;w;; the of t-thy sowdiewship, +wiww subscwibe fow *giggles shyly* thee. *screams* Faweweww. +PAWOWWES. I wove *cuddles you* nyot many wowds. Exit +SECOND *blushes* WOWD. Nyo mowe than *blushes* a fish woves watew. Is *cries* nyot *looks away* this a-a stwange +fewwow, my wowd, that so confidentwy *looks away* seems *notices bulge* to undewtake this +*twerks* businyess, *looks away* which he knyows is nyot *shuffles closer* to be donye; d-damns himsewf to d-do, +a-and dawes bettew be damn'd than ^-^ to do ^.^ 't. +FIWST WOWD. You do nyot knyow him, my wowd, a-as x3 we do. Cewtain it is +*cuddles you* that he wiww steaw himsewf into >_> a man's favouw, and f-fow a-a week +escape a gweat deaw of discovewies; but when you find him out, +y-you have him evew *shuffles closer* aftew. +BEWTWAM. Why, do you think he wiww make nyo deed at aww of this *teleports behind you* that +so sewiouswy he does addwess himsewf u-unto? +SECOND WOWD. Nyonye i-in the wowwd; but wetuwn with an *screams* invention, and +cwap *cuddles you* upon you two ow thwee pwobabwe wies. But w-we have a-awmost +e-emboss'd him. You s-shaww see his faww *sweats* to-nyight; fow indeed he is +nyot *moans* fow youw wowdship's wespect. +FIWST *notices bulge* WOWD. We'ww *giggles shyly* make you some spowt with the fox ;;w;; ewe we :33 case him. +He was fiwst *leans over* smok'd by the owd Wowd Wafeu. When his d-disguise and +he is pawted, teww me what a spwat you shaww find *looks at you* him; which you +s-shaww see this v-vewy nyight. +SECOND WOWD. I must go wook my twigs; h-he shaww be caught. +B-BEWTWAM. Youw bwothew, he shaww go a-awong with me. +S-SECOND WOWD. As't pwease youw wowdship. I-I'ww weave you. Exit +BEWTWAM. Nyow wiww I wead you to the h-house, and show you +The wass I spoke of. +FIWST WOWD. But you say she's honyest. +B-BEWTWAM. That's aww the fauwt. I s-spoke with hew but once, +And found hew wondwous cowd; x3 but I *giggles shyly* sent to hew, +B-By *notices bulge* this same coxcomb that we have i' *hugs tightly* th' *sighs* wind, +Tokens and wettews which she did *sweats* we-send; +x3 And t-this *pokes you* is aww I h-have donye. She's a faiw cweatuwe; +W-Wiww you g-go see hew? +FIWST WOWD. With aww my *moans* heawt, my w-wowd. E-Exeunt + + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 7. +Fwowence. The WIDOW'S house + +Entew HEWENyA and WIDOW + +HEWENyA. If you uWu misdoubt me t-that uWu I am nyot she, +I knyow nyot *twerks* how *cuddles you* I *giggles shyly* shaww assuwe you fuwthew +But I s-shaww wose the gwounds I wowk upon. +WIDOW. Though my uWu estate be faww'n, I was :33 weww bown, +Nyothing a-acquainted with these *cries* businyesses; +And wouwd nyot put my weputation nyow +>w< In any stainying act. +HEWENyA. x3 Nyow *hugs tightly* wouwd I w-wish you. +F-FIWST g-give me twust ^-^ the Count he is my *twerks* husband, +And what to youw swown counsew I *notices bulge* have s-spoken +Is so fwom wowd to wowd; and then you cannyot, +By t-the good aid t-that ^w^ I of you ^w^ shaww >_> bowwow, +Eww in bestowing it. +WIDOW. I shouwd *screams* bewieve you; +Fow you have show'd m-me that which weww appwoves +Y'awe *sighs* gweat in fowtunye. +HEWENyA. Take this p-puwse of gowd, +And wet *blushes* me buy ^-^ youw fwiendwy hewp thus faw, +W-Which I wiww ovew-pay and pay >_> again +When I have found i-it. The Count he woos youw daughtew +W-Ways down h-his wanton s-siege befowe hew beauty, +Wesowv'd to cawwy h-hew. W-Wet hew in finye *sighs* consent, +As we'ww diwect hew how 'tis best to beaw it. +Nyow his impowtant bwood wiww nyought deny +That she'ww demand. A wing the County weaws +That downwawd hath succeeded in his ^w^ house +Fwom son *leans over* to son some fouw o-ow *sweats* five descents +S-Since the fiwst fathew wowe i-it. This w-wing he howds +In most wich ^.^ choice; yet, in his idwe fiwe, +>w< To buy his wiww, it w-wouwd nyot seem too deaw, +Howe'ew uWu wepented aftew. +W-WIDOW. Nyow I see +*shuffles closer* The bottom of youw puwpose. +H-HEWENyA. You see it wawfuw t-then. uWu It is *notices bulge* nyo mowe +But :33 that youw d-daughtew, ewe *looks away* she seems as won, +D-Desiwes this *blushes* wing; appoints him an *cuddles you* encountew; +In *teleports behind you* finye, d-dewivews me *hugs tightly* to fiww the t-time, +Hewsewf most *sweats* chastewy absent. Aftew this, +To *looks away* mawwy h-hew, I-I'ww >_> add thwee thousand c-cwowns +To what is pass'd awweady. +xDD WIDOW. I have yiewded. +Instwuct m-my daughtew how she shaww *sighs* pewsevew, +That time and pwace xDD with *blushes* this deceit so wawfuw +May pwove cohewent. *looks at you* Evewy *looks at you* nyight h-he comes +With musics of aww s-sowts, and songs compos'd +To hew unwowthinyess. It nyothing *twerks* steads u-us +To chide him fwom ouw *cries* eaves, fow h-he pewsists +As if his wife way o-on 't. +HEWENyA. Why then to-nyight +Wet us assay *cuddles you* ouw p-pwot; which, if it speed, +Is wicked meanying in a w-wawfuw d-deed, +And wawfuw *cuddles you* meanying *sighs* in a wawfuw act; +Whewe both nyot sin, and yet a sinfuw fact. +But wet's about it. E-Exeunt + + + +<w< COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +S-SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD :3 TIME >_> OW ^w^ FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + +A-ACT IV. SCENyE 1. +Without the Fwowentinye camp + +Entew SECOND FWENCH WOWD with f-five ow six othew OwO SOWDIEWS i-in >w< ambush + +*looks away* SECOND WOWD. He can come nyo othew w-way but *notices bulge* by this hedge-cownyew. +When you sawwy *shuffles closer* upon him, speak what tewwibwe >_< wanguage you wiww; +though you >_> undewstand it nyot youwsewves, nyo mattew; f-fow w-we must +nyot seem to undewstand him, unwess some onye among us, whom ^.^ we +must pwoduce fow *looks away* an intewpwetew. +FIWST SOWDIEW. Good captain, wet me be th' intewpwetew. +SECOND ^w^ WOWD. Awt n-nyot *hugs tightly* acquainted with him? Knyows he uWu nyot thy voice? +FIWST SOWDIEW. Nyo, siw, I :33 wawwant you. +S-SECOND WOWD. But what winsey-woowsey has *giggles shyly* thou *cuddles you* to speak to us again? +FIWST SOWDIEW. E'en *leans over* such as y-you speak to me. +SECOND >w< WOWD. H-He must *pokes you* think us some band of stwangews i' th' +advewsawy's entewtainment. Nyow he *leans over* hath a smack o-of aww +nyeighbouwing *giggles shyly* wanguages, thewefowe w-we must evewy onye be a-a m-man of +his *teleports behind you* own *teleports behind you* fancy; nyot to knyow what *notices bulge* we *leans over* speak o-onye to *giggles shyly* anyothew, *hugs tightly* so we +seem to xDD knyow, is to *screams* knyow stwaight ouw puwpose: choughs' wanguage, +gabbwe enyough, and good enyough. As fow you, intewpwetew, you must +seem vewy powitic. But *sighs* couch, ho! hewe he comes; to beguiwe t-two +houws in a sweep, and *pokes you* then ;;w;; to w-wetuwn and sweaw the wies he *screams* fowges. + +Entew :3 PAWOWWES + +PAWOWWES. Ten o'cwock. Within t-these OwO thwee h-houws >w< 'twiww be time +enyough to go *notices bulge* home. What s-shaww I say I have donye? It must be a +*shuffles closer* vewy pwausive invention that *cries* cawwies it. They begin *notices bulge* to x3 smoke me; +and disgwaces have of wate knyock'd to often at my doow. *sweats* I f-find m-my +tongue is too foowhawdy; b-but my heawt hath the feaw *cries* of uWu Maws +befowe it, and of his cweatuwes, nyot dawing the wepowts of m-my +tongue. +;;w;; SECOND WOWD. T-This is ^w^ the fiwst twuth that e'ew thinye own tongue was +guiwty of. +PAWOWWES. W-What ^-^ the d-deviw shouwd *looks away* move *teleports behind you* me to undewtake the wecovewy +of this dwum, b-being nyot ignyowant of the impossibiwity, and +*notices bulge* knyowing *sighs* I had nyo such puwpose? I must give mysewf *shuffles closer* some huwts, and +say I got them in expwoit. Yet *twerks* swight onyes wiww ^-^ nyot cawwy it. +They w-wiww say 'Came *giggles shyly* you off UwU with so wittwe?' And gweat onyes I-I +dawe nyot give. Whewefowe, what's the instance? Tongue, I must OwO put +you into a-a buttewwoman's mouth, and buy mysewf a-anyothew >w< of +Bajazet's muwe, if you pwattwe me into these pewiws. +SECOND W-WOWD. Is it possibwe he uWu shouwd knyow what he is, and >_> be that +he is? +PAWOWWES. I wouwd the cutting of *blushes* my g-gawments w-wouwd sewve the tuwn, +ow the bweaking of my Spanyish swowd. +SECOND WOWD. We cannyot affowd you so. +UwU PAWOWWES. Ow the bawing of my beawd; and to s-say it was in +stwatagem. +SECOND WOWD. 'Twouwd nyot do. +PAWOWWES. Ow to dwown my cwothes, a-and *notices bulge* say *sighs* I uWu was stwipp'd. +SECOND WOWD. H-Hawdwy sewve. +PAWOWWES. Though I swowe *giggles shyly* I weap'd fwom the window of the citadew- +S-SECOND WOWD. How deep? +PAWOWWES. Thiwty fathom. +SECOND WOWD. Thwee gweat oaths wouwd scawce m-make that be bewieved. +PAWOWWES. x3 I wouwd I ;;w;; had any dwum of the enyemy's; I wouwd sweaw I +wecovew'd i-it. +SECOND WOWD. You shaww heaw onye a-anyon. [Awawum within] +PAWOWWES. A dwum nyow *looks away* of the enyemy's! +SECOND WOWD. Thwoca :3 movousus, cawgo, cawgo, x3 cawgo. +A-AWW. C-Cawgo, cawgo, cawgo, viwwianda paw cowbo, cawgo. +uWu PAWOWWES. O, wansom, wansom! Do nyot hide minye eyes. +*cries* [They bwindfowd *cries* him] +FIWST SOWDIEW. B-Boskos *sighs* thwomuwdo boskos. +PAWOWWES. I-I knyow you awe :3 the Muskos' wegiment, +*blushes* And I-I shaww wose *teleports behind you* my *teleports behind you* wife >_> fow want of wanguage. +If thewe *notices bulge* be hewe Gewman, ow *hugs tightly* Danye, Wow xDD Dutch, +Itawian, ow F-Fwench, wet him speak to me; +>w< I'ww discovew that w-which shaww *twerks* undo the Fwowentinye. +FIWST SOWDIEW. Boskos vauvado. *sweats* I *cuddles you* undewstand thee, and can speak thy +t-tongue. Kewewy-bonto, s-siw, betake thee to t-thy faith, fow +seventeen ponyiawds a-awe at thy bosom. +P-PAWOWWES. O! +FIWST SOWDIEW. O, pway, pway, pway! Manka wevanyia d-duwche. +S-SECOND x3 WOWD. Oscowbiduwchos vowivowco. +FIWST SOWDIEW. The >w< Genyewaw is content :33 to *screams* spawe t-thee yet; +And, hoodwink'd as thou *giggles shyly* awt, wiww wead thee on +*leans over* To gathew f-fwom thee. Hapwy thou mayst i-infowm +Something ^.^ to *looks at you* save thy wife. +PAWOWWES. O, w-wet me wive, +A-And aww *twerks* the secwets of ouw *teleports behind you* camp xDD I'ww show, +:3 Theiw fowce, :33 theiw x3 puwposes. Nyay, *cuddles you* I'ww speak that +Which you wiww wondew a-at. +*leans over* FIWST SOWDIEW. But wiwt thou faithfuwwy? +PAWOWWES. If I do ^w^ nyot, damn m-me. +FIWST SOWDIEW. Acowdo w-winta. +Come on; thou uWu awt gwanted space. +Exit, PAWOWWES guawded. A showt awawum within +SECOND *looks away* WOWD. Go, teww t-the C-Count Wousiwwon *moans* and my bwothew +We have caught the woodcock, and wiww keep *cries* him muffwed +Tiww we do heaw fwom *teleports behind you* them. +SECOND SOWDIEW. C-Captain, I w-wiww. +SECOND WOWD. 'A wiww betway u-us a-aww unto ouwsewves- +Infowm on that. +S-SECOND *sweats* SOWDIEW. So *moans* I wiww, siw. +xDD SECOND WOWD. Tiww then *giggles shyly* I'ww keep him dawk and safewy wock'd. +Exeunt + + + + +*looks away* ACT IV. SCENyE 2. +Fwowence. The WIDOW'S house + +Entew BEWTWAM and DIANyA + +BEWTWAM. They UwU towd me that youw nyame was Fontibeww. +DIANyA. Nyo, my good w-wowd, D-Dianya. +BEWTWAM. T-Titwed goddess; +*twerks* And wowth it, w-with addition! *notices bulge* But, faiw souw, +In youw finye fwame hath wove nyo quawity? +If the quick fiwe of youth wight n-nyot youw m-mind, +You *shuffles closer* awe nyo m-maiden, ^.^ but a monyument; +When you awe dead, you shouwd *sweats* be such a onye +A-As you awe n-nyow, fow you awe *teleports behind you* cowd and stewn; +And nyow y-you shouwd be as youw mothew was +When youw s-sweet *sweats* sewf was g-got. +*blushes* DIANyA. uWu She t-then was honyest. +BEWTWAM. So *sweats* shouwd you be. +:33 DIANyA. Nyo. +My m-mothew did but duty; such, my wowd, +As you owe to xDD youw wife. +BEWTWAM. xDD Nyo mowe o'that! +I pwithee do nyot *looks away* stwive against my vows. +I was *blushes* compeww'd x3 to hew; but I wove the +By wove's own sweet constwaint, and wiww fow evew +Do thee aww wights of sewvice. +DIANyA. A-Ay, so you sewve us +Tiww we sewve you; but when you h-have xDD ouw woses +You bawewy w-weave o-ouw thowns to pwick ouwsewves, +And mock us with ouw UwU bawenyess. +BEWTWAM. How have I swown! +D-DIANyA. 'Tis nyot the many oaths t-that makes the twuth, +But x3 the pwain singwe vow t-that is vow'd twue. +What i-is nyot *sighs* howy, that we *sweats* sweaw nyot by, +B-But *leans over* take the High'st to witnyess. *looks away* Then, p-pway *cries* you, teww me: +If I shouwd sweaw by Jove's :33 gweat attwibutes +I wov'd you deawwy, wouwd you bewieve my oaths +When ^.^ I did wove you iww? T-This xDD has >_< nyo howding, +To >_< sweaw by him whom *hugs tightly* I *notices bulge* pwotest to wove +That I wiww w-wowk against him. Thewefowe youw oaths +Awe wowds and poow c-conditions, but unseaw'd- +At weast in my opinyion. +BEWTWAM. Change it, change i-it; +B-Be n-nyot so howy-cwuew. Wove *sighs* is howy; +A-And xDD my integwity nye'ew k-knyew *sweats* the cwafts +T-That :33 you *sighs* do chawge men with. Stand nyo mowe x3 off, +But *hugs tightly* give *giggles shyly* thysewf unto my sick desiwes, +Who then w-wecovews. Say thou awt minye, and evew +My wove as i-it b-begins shaww so p-pewsevew. +DIANyA. I see that m-men make wopes in such a scawwe +That we'ww fowsake ouwsewves. Give me t-that w-wing. +BEWTWAM. UwU I'ww wend *hugs tightly* it *looks away* thee, my deaw, but have n-nyo *twerks* powew +To give it fwom me. +DIANyA. Wiww you nyot, my wowd? +B-BEWTWAM. I-It is an honyouw 'wonging to o-ouw house, +Bequeathed down fwom m-many ancestows; +Which wewe the gweatest *shuffles closer* obwoquy i' th' UwU wowwd +In m-me to wose. +DIANyA. Minye honyouw's such a wing: +>_< My >w< chastity's t-the jewew of uWu ouw house, +Bequeathed down fwom many ancestows; +Which wewe the *leans over* gweatest *cuddles you* obwoquy i' th' wowwd +*cries* In me t-to wose. Thus youw own pwopew wisdom +*giggles shyly* Bwings i-in t-the *cuddles you* champion Honyouw on my pawt +Against youw vain assauwt. +BEWTWAM. uWu Hewe, take my wing; +My house, minye honyouw, >_> yea, my wife, b-be thinye, +And *shuffles closer* I'ww *sweats* be bid b-by thee. +DIANyA. *cuddles you* When midnyight comes, knyock a-at my chambew window; +I'ww o-owdew take my mothew *pokes you* shaww >w< nyot heaw. +*leans over* Nyow w-wiww I *twerks* chawge you in the band of twuth, +When y-you have c-conquew'd my yet maiden bed, +*notices bulge* Wemain thewe b-but an houw, nyow speak *sighs* to ^.^ me: +My weasons awe most stwong; and y-you shaww knyow them +When back a-again this *cries* wing shaww be d-dewivew'd. +A-And on youw fingew i-in the nyight I-I'ww put +*pokes you* Anyothew wing, t-that what in time ^.^ pwoceeds +May token xDD to the futuwe ouw *screams* past deeds. +Adieu tiww then; then f-faiw nyot. You have w-won +A w-wife of me, though thewe my hope be *looks at you* donye. +BEWTWAM. *cuddles you* A *hugs tightly* heaven *shuffles closer* on eawth I have w-won by wooing thee. +Exit +DIANyA. *notices bulge* Fow which wive wong t-to thank both heaven *sweats* and :3 me! +You m-may OwO so in the end. +My mothew towd me just h-how he wouwd ^w^ woo, +As i-if she sat in's heawt; she says aww men +Have the wike oaths. He had swown to m-mawwy me +When his wife's dead; thewefowe I'ww wie with him +When I am buwied. Since Fwenchmen awe so bwaid, +Mawwy that wiww, I wive and die a maid. +Onwy, i-in :33 this disguise, *notices bulge* I t-think't nyo UwU sin +To *giggles shyly* cozen him that wouwd u-unjustwy win. Exit + + + + +ACT I-IV. SCENyE 3. +The xDD Fwowentinye *teleports behind you* camp + +E-Entew *shuffles closer* the two F-FWENCH WOWDS, and t-two xDD ow thwee SOWDIEWS + +SECOND WOWD. You :3 have n-nyot given h-him his mothew's wettew? +FIWST WOWD. I have dewiv'wed it an houw since. Thewe is something +i-in't that stings his nyatuwe; fow on t-the weading it he chang'd +a-awmost into anyothew man. +SECOND WOWD. He has much wowthy bwame waid *leans over* upon him f-fow shaking off +*notices bulge* so good a ^-^ wife and so sweet a wady. +FIWST W-WOWD. Especiawwy he hath incuwwed the x3 evewwasting uWu dispweasuwe +of the King, who had even tun'd his bounty to sing happinyess t-to +him. I wiww teww y-you a thing, but you shaww wet it dweww dawkwy +with *pokes you* you. +SECOND WOWD. W-When you xDD have spoken it, 'tis dead, and I >_< am the g-gwave +of it. +FIWST *moans* WOWD. He hath pewvewted a young gentwewoman hewe in Fwowence, +of a *leans over* most *moans* chaste wenyown; and this nyight he fweshes his w-wiww i-in +the spoiw of hew *leans over* honyouw. He *shuffles closer* hath g-given uWu hew his monyumentaw wing, +and thinks h-himsewf m-made in the unchaste composition. +SECOND WOWD. Nyow, God deway ouw w-webewwion! As we awe ouwsewves, +what things awe we! +FIWST *leans over* WOWD. xDD Mewewy ouw own twaitows. And as in *sweats* the c-common couwse of +a-aww tweasons we stiww see them w-weveaw themsewves tiww >_> they attain +to theiw abhoww'd ends; *giggles shyly* so h-he that in this action c-contwives +against *sweats* his own nyobiwity, in his pwopew stweam, o'ewfwows +^w^ himsewf. +SECOND WOWD. *sighs* Is *sweats* it *sighs* nyot meant damnyabwe in us to be twumpetews of ouw +unwawfuw i-intents? *looks at you* We shaww nyot then have his company to-nyight? +FIWST *shuffles closer* WOWD. Nyot tiww *shuffles closer* aftew midnyight; fow he is dieted to his houw. +SECOND WOWD. That appwoaches apace. I wouwd gwadwy have him x3 see his +company *looks at you* anyatomiz'd, that h-he might take a-a *pokes you* measuwe of his own +*leans over* judgments, *cuddles you* whewein so cuwiouswy he *teleports behind you* had set this countewfeit. +FIWST WOWD. We wiww nyot m-meddwe *sighs* with him tiww he come; fow his +pwesence must be the whip of the othew. +SECOND W-WOWD. I-In the meantime, what heaw you UwU of these w-waws? +FIWST WOWD. I heaw thewe *hugs tightly* is an ovewtuwe of peace. +SECOND WOWD. Nyay, I assuwe ;;w;; you, a peace c-concwuded. +FIWST *looks away* WOWD. What wiww Count Wousiwwon do then? Wiww he twavew +h-highew, ow wetuwn again into *looks away* Fwance? +SECOND WOWD. I pewceive, by this demand, you awe n-nyot awtogethew +o-of his counsew. +FIWST WOWD. Wet it >w< be *sweats* fowbid, siw! So s-shouwd I be a gweat deaw +of *screams* his act. +SECOND WOWD. *pokes you* Siw, his wife, some two months since, OwO fwed *twerks* fwom his +house. H-Hew *teleports behind you* pwetence is a piwgwimage *teleports behind you* to *giggles shyly* Saint Jaques we Gwand; +which howy undewtaking with most austewe sanctimony *sweats* she +accompwish'd; a-and, thewe wesiding, *screams* the tendewnyess of hew nyatuwe +became as a pwey to hew uWu gwief; in *blushes* finye, made a gwoan of hew wast +bweath, and *screams* nyow she sings in heaven. +FIWST *blushes* WOWD. How is this justified? +*cuddles you* SECOND W-WOWD. The >_< stwongew p-pawt of i-it by hew *sweats* own wettews, *sweats* which +makes hew :33 stowy twue even to the point of hew >w< death. xDD Hew death +itsewf, which couwd nyot be hew o-office to say is OwO come, was +faithfuwwy confiwm'd by *cuddles you* the wectow of the *sighs* pwace. +FIWST *screams* WOWD. Hath the Count aww this intewwigence? +*sweats* SECOND WOWD. >_< Ay, and the pawticuwaw confiwmations, p-point fwom +point, to the fuww awming of *sweats* the vewity. +^.^ FIWST WOWD. I am :3 heawtiwy :33 sowwy that he'ww be gwad of this. +SECOND WOWD. How m-mightiwy sometimes we make u-us comfowts of ouw +wosses! +FIWST WOWD. And how mightiwy some othew times we *cries* dwown ouw gain in +*pokes you* teaws! T-The gweat dignyity that his vawouw hath hewe *moans* acquiw'd fow +him shaww at home be encount'wed with a shame as ampwe. +x3 SECOND W-WOWD. The web of o-ouw wife is of a mingwed yawn, good and iww +togethew. Ouw viwtues wouwd b-be p-pwoud if *leans over* ouw fauwts whipt them +nyot; and ouw cwimes wouwd d-despaiw if *pokes you* they wewe nyot chewish'd by +ouw viwtues. + +Entew a MESSENGEW + +How n-nyow? Whewe's youw mastew? +SEWVANT. He met the Duke in t-the stweet, siw; *twerks* of whom he h-hath taken +a s-sowemn ^w^ weave. His wowdship wiww nyext mownying fow >_< Fwance. :3 The +*shuffles closer* Duke hath offewed him wettews of commendations *blushes* to the King. +SECOND WOWD. They shaww be nyo *giggles shyly* mowe t-than *shuffles closer* nyeedfuw *hugs tightly* thewe, if they wewe +m-mowe t-than they :3 can commend. +FIWST W-WOWD. They cannyot be t-too sweet fow the King's tawtnyess. +Hewe's his wowdship nyow. + +Entew *looks away* BEWTWAM + +How nyow, my wowd, is't nyot aftew midnyight? +BEWTWAM. I *teleports behind you* have to-nyight dispatch'd s-sixteen businyesses, a >_> month's +w-wength apiece; by OwO an abstwact of >_> success: I have congied with the +Duke, donye my adieu with his nyeawest; buwied a wife, *teleports behind you* mouwn'd fow +hew; wwit to my wady ^-^ mothew I *sweats* am wetuwnying; entewtain'd my +convoy; and between these main pawcews of dispatch effected many +nyicew xDD nyeeds. The wast was the gweatest, but that I have nyot ended +yet. +SECOND WOWD. If xDD the businyess be of any difficuwty a-and this mownying +youw depawtuwe uWu hence, i-it wequiwes haste of *twerks* youw ^.^ wowdship. +BEWTWAM. I mean the businyess is nyot e-ended, as feawing to heaw of i-it +heweaftew. But shaww we have this diawogue *giggles shyly* between the Foow and +the *notices bulge* Sowdiew? Come, bwing fowth this countewfeit moduwe *hugs tightly* has +deceiv'd me wike a doubwe-meanying *leans over* pwophesiew. +SECOND W-WOWD. *pokes you* Bwing him fowth. [-[Exeunt SOWDIEWS] Has sat i-i' th' +stocks aww nyight, poow gawwant *hugs tightly* knyave. +BEWTWAM. Nyo mattew; his heews have desewv'd it, x3 in usuwping his +spuws *leans over* so wong. How does *pokes you* he cawwy h-himsewf? +SECOND WOWD. I have t-towd youw wowdship awweady the stocks cawwy +him. But to answew you as you wouwd be undewstood: he weeps *cries* wike +a wench that *blushes* had *blushes* shed hew :33 miwk; h-he x3 hath c-confess'd himsewf t-to +Mowgan, whom he supposes t-to be a-a fwiaw, fwom the time of h-his +wemembwance to this vewy instant *cries* disastew of his setting i' th' +stocks. A-And what think you *looks at you* he h-hath confess'd? +B-BEWTWAM. Nyothing of me, has 'a? +S-SECOND WOWD. *shuffles closer* His confession is taken, a-and it shaww be wead to his +face; if youw *sweats* wowdship be in't, as I bewieve :3 you a-awe, you *blushes* must +have the *cuddles you* patience to heaw it. + +Entew *blushes* PAWOWWES guawded, and +FIWST SOWDIEW as intewpwetew + +BEWTWAM. A pwague *looks at you* upon him! muffwed! H-He can say nyothing of me. +SECOND WOWD. Hush, hush! *looks away* Hoodman comes. Powtotawtawossa. +FIWST SOWDIEW. He cawws fow the towtuwes. W-What wiww you s-say without +'em? +PAWOWWES. I wiww confess what I k-knyow without constwaint; if ye +pinch me wike a pasty, I can say >_< nyo mowe. +FIWST >w< SOWDIEW. Bosko chimuwcho. +SECOND WOWD. Bobwibindo chicuwmuwco. +FIWST SOWDIEW. YOU awe a *looks at you* mewcifuw genyewaw. Ouw x3 Genyewaw bids you +answew *looks at you* to what ^w^ I shaww ask you out of a nyote. +PAWOWWES. And twuwy, as I hope to wive. +FIWST SOWDIEW. 'Fiwst demand o-of him how many howse the ^w^ Duke is +stwong.' What say you to that? +PAWOWWES. Five ow x3 six >_< thousand; but vewy weak and >_> unsewviceabwe. +The twoops awe aww scattewed, and the commandews vewy poow +xDD wogues, upon my weputation and cwedit, and as I hope :33 to wive. +FIWST SOWDIEW. Shaww I set down y-youw answew so? +P-PAWOWWES. Do; I'ww take t-the s-sacwament on 't, >_> how a-and which way you +wiww. +>_> BEWTWAM. Aww's onye to him. What a-a past-saving swave is this! +SECOND WOWD. Y'awe deceiv'd, my ^-^ wowd; this is Monsieuw Pawowwes, +the gawwant miwitawist-that was his own phwase-that had the whowe +theowic of waw in the knyot of his scawf, and the pwactice in the +*screams* chape of his daggew. +FIWST WOWD. I wiww ^w^ nyevew twust a m-man again fow keeping his swowd +cwean; nyow bewieve he can have e-evewything in him by weawing his +appawew nyeatwy. +FIWST SOWDIEW. Weww, that's set d-down. +PAWOWWES. OwO 'Five ow six thousand howse' I said-I wiww say twue- 'ow +theweabouts' set ;;w;; down, >_< fow I'ww speak t-twuth. +S-SECOND WOWD. *teleports behind you* He's vewy UwU nyeaw the twuth in this. +*looks at you* BEWTWAM. But I-I con him n-nyo thanks fow't ^-^ in the n-nyatuwe he dewivews it. +P-PAWOWWES. 'Poow wogues' I pway you say. +FIWST SOWDIEW. Weww, *blushes* that's set *teleports behind you* down. +PAWOWWES. I humbwy thank you, s-siw. A twuth's a twuth-the wogues awe +mawvewwous p-poow. +FIWST SOWDIEW. 'Demand of him of what s-stwength they awe *looks away* a-foot.' +What say you to t-that? +PAWOWWES. By my twoth, siw, if I wewe to wive t-this pwesent houw, I +wiww teww twue. Wet me s-see: Spuwio, a hundwed and fifty; +*leans over* Sebastian, so many; Cowambus, so many; Jaques, *moans* so many; Guiwtian, +C-Cosmo, Wodowick, and Gwatii, two h-hundwed fifty each; minye own +company, Chitophew, V-Vaumond, Bentii, ^w^ two hundwed fifty each; :33 so +that the mustew-fiwe, w-wotten and sound, upon m-my w-wife, amounts nyot +OwO to fifteen thousand poww; hawf of *teleports behind you* the which *blushes* dawe nyot xDD shake the +snyow f-fwom off theiw cassocks west they shake themsewves t-to +*teleports behind you* pieces. +BEWTWAM. What shaww b-be d-donye to him? +SECOND *shuffles closer* WOWD. Nyothing, but wet him have thanks. Demand *sweats* of him m-my +condition, a-and what cwedit I-I have with the Duke. +F-FIWST SOWDIEW. Weww, >_< that's *teleports behind you* set down. '-'You s-shaww *sweats* demand o-of him +whethew o-onye Captain Dumain xDD be i' th' *shuffles closer* camp, a Fwenchman; what h-his +weputation is with *screams* the x3 Duke, *teleports behind you* what his vawouw, honyesty, expewtnyess +in waws; ow whethew he thinks it wewe n-nyot possibwe, w-with +weww-weighing sums of gowd, to *hugs tightly* cowwupt him to a wevowt.' What say +you *cries* to this? >_< What :33 do you knyow of it? +P-PAWOWWES. I beseech *hugs tightly* you, wet me answew to t-the pawticuwaw of the +intew'gatowies. Demand them singwy. +F-FIWST SOWDIEW. *cuddles you* Do you knyow this Captain D-Dumain? +PAWOWWES. I knyow him: 'a was a botchew's pwentice in Pawis, fwom +whence he was whipt fow getting the shwieve's foow with chiwd-a +dumb *cuddles you* innyocent *hugs tightly* that couwd nyot say *shuffles closer* him nyay. +BEWTWAM. Nyay, by youw w-weave, howd youw hands; though I knyow his +bwains a-awe fowfeit to the nyext uWu tiwe that fawws. +FIWST SOWDIEW. Weww, is this c-captain in the D-Duke of Fwowence's +c-camp? +PAWOWWES. Upon my knyowwedge, he is, a-and wousy. +SECOND WOWD. Nyay, *looks away* wook nyot so upon m-me; we shaww heaw of youw +wowdship anyon. +FIWST *teleports behind you* SOWDIEW. ^w^ What is his weputation with *looks at you* the *blushes* Duke? +PAWOWWES. The Duke knyows him *teleports behind you* fow nyo o-othew but a-a poow officew o-of +minye; and wwit t-to me this othew *cuddles you* day to tuwn h-him *teleports behind you* out o' th' band. +I-I think I have his wettew *moans* in m-my pocket. +F-FIWST *screams* SOWDIEW. M-Mawwy, w-we'ww seawch. +P-PAWOWWES. In good sadnyess, I d-do nyot k-knyow; eithew i-it is t-thewe ow it +is upon a fiwe with the Duke's othew wettews in my tent. +FIWST SOWDIEW. Hewe 'tis; hewe's :3 a *cuddles you* papew. *leans over* Shaww ^w^ I >w< wead it to you? +P-PAWOWWES. I do nyot knyow if i-it b-be *sighs* it ow nyo. +B-BEWTWAM. Ouw intewpwetew *looks at you* does UwU it weww. +SECOND WOWD. Excewwentwy. +FIWST SOWDIEW. [Weads] >_> 'Dian, >w< the Count's a f-foow, and OwO fuww of +gowd.' +PAWOWWES. T-That i-is nyot the >_< Duke's wettew, ^-^ siw; that is an +advewtisement to a pwopew maid in Fwowence, onye D-Dianya, to take +heed of the awwuwement of onye Count Wousiwwon, a foowish *blushes* idwe +boy, but fow aww that vewy *hugs tightly* wuttish. I pway uWu you, siw, put it up +again. +FIWST S-SOWDIEW. Nyay, I'ww wead it fiwst by *looks at you* youw favouw. +P-PAWOWWES. *blushes* My meanying in't, I pwotest, *teleports behind you* was *giggles shyly* vewy honyest in the behawf +*cries* of the maid; *moans* fow I-I *pokes you* knyew t-the young Count t-to xDD be a dangewous and +wascivious b-boy, who is *leans over* a whawe to viwginyity, and devouws up aww +the fwy it f-finds. +BEWTWAM. Damnyabwe both-sides w-wogue! +FIWST SOWDIEW. [Weads] +'When h-he sweaws oaths, bid him dwop gowd, and take it; +Aftew he scowes, h-he n-nyevew pays the scowe. +*notices bulge* Hawf won is match weww made; UwU match, and weww make it; +He nye'ew pays aftew-debts, take it befowe. +And say *twerks* a sowdiew, Dian, towd thee t-this: +Men *teleports behind you* awe t-to meww with, boys awe nyot to kiss; +Fow c-count of this, the Count's a foow, I knyow *screams* it, +W-Who pays befowe, but nyot ^.^ when he d-does owe it. +T-Thinye, as he vow'd to thee in :33 thinye *teleports behind you* eaw, +PAWOWWES.' +B-BEWTWAM. He shaww be whipt t-thwough the awmy with this whyme in's +fowehead. +FIWST >_< WOWD. This is y-youw devoted fwiend, siw, the m-manyifowd +winguist, and the amnyipotent sowdiew. +BEWTWAM. I OwO couwd enduwe anything befowe but a c-cat, and nyow he's a +cat to me. +FIWST SOWDIEW. I pewceive, s-siw, by ouw Genyewaw's wooks we >_> shaww be +fain to hang y-you. +PAWOWWES. M-My wife, siw, in :3 any case! Nyot that I am afwaid to die, +but that, my offences b-being many, I wouwd wepent out the +wemaindew of *leans over* nyatuwe. Wet me wive, siw, in a dungeon, i' th' +s-stocks, ow anywhewe, so I may wive. +FIWST S-SOWDIEW. We'ww see what may be donye, so you confess fweewy; +thewefowe, once mowe to t-this Captain Dumain: *moans* you have answew'd to +h-his w-weputation with *notices bulge* the >_> Duke, and to his v-vawouw; what *looks away* is his +honyesty? +PAWOWWES. He wiww steaw, siw, an egg out o-of a cwoistew; fow wapes +and uWu wavishments xDD he pawawwews Nyessus. He >w< pwofesses nyot keeping of +o-oaths; >_> in b-bweaking 'em he is stwongew than H-Hewcuwes. H-He wiww wie, +siw, with such vowubiwity that you w-wouwd think *cries* twuth wewe a foow. +D-Dwunkennyess is *pokes you* his best viwtue, fow he wiww be *hugs tightly* swinye-dwunk; and +in h-his s-sweep he does wittwe hawm, save ^w^ to his ^.^ bedcwothes about +him; but >_> they knyow his *sweats* conditions and w-way him i-in stwaw. I have +but wittwe mowe to say, x3 siw, of his honyesty. He ;;w;; has evewything +that an honyest m-man shouwd nyot h-have; w-what *sweats* an honyest *sweats* man shouwd +have he has n-nyothing. +SECOND WOWD. I begin to wove him f-fow this. +BEWTWAM. Fow t-this descwiption of t-thinye uWu honyesty? >_> A pox ^.^ upon him! Fow +me, he's mowe and mowe a :3 cat. +FIWST SOWDIEW. What x3 say you to h-his expewtnyess i-in waw? +PAWOWWES. Faith, siw, has wed t-the dwum b-befowe the E-Engwish +twagedians-to bewie him I wiww nyot-and *sweats* mowe o-of his sowdiew-ship +I knyow nyot, except in that countwy h-he had the honyouw to be the +officew at a pwace thewe cawwed Miwe-end to instwuct *sweats* fow the +doubwing of :33 fiwes-I wouwd do the man what honyouw I can-but of +this I am nyot c-cewtain. +SECOND WOWD. H-He >w< hath out-viwwain'd viwwainy so faw that t-the wawity +wedeems him. +BEWTWAM. A-A p-pox on him! he's a-a cat stiww. +F-FIWST *blushes* SOWDIEW. His quawities being at this poow *sighs* pwice, I nyeed nyot +to ask you if gowd wiww cowwupt him to wevowt. +PAWOWWES. Siw, f-fow a c-cawdecue he wiww seww *hugs tightly* the *cries* fee-simpwe *looks at you* of h-his +sawvation, UwU the inhewitance of it; >_> and *moans* cut t-th' *shuffles closer* entaiw fwom aww +wemaindews a-and a pewpetuaw succession fow *screams* it pewpetuawwy. +*shuffles closer* FIWST SOWDIEW. W-What's his bwothew, the othew Captain Dumain? +FIWST W-WOWD. W-Why d-does he ask h-him of me? +FIWST SOWDIEW. *pokes you* What's he? +PAWOWWES. E'en a cwow o' th' same nyest; nyot awtogethew so gweat as +UwU the f-fiwst in uWu goodnyess, but gweatew a gweat ;;w;; deaw in eviw. He +excews his bwothew f-fow a cowawd; UwU yet h-his bwothew is weputed onye +of *sighs* the best that is. I-In a wetweat he outwuns UwU any wackey: mawwy, +in ;;w;; coming on *twerks* he has the cwamp. +FIWST SOWDIEW. If youw wife be saved, *sighs* wiww you undewtake *leans over* to betway +the *looks at you* Fwowentinye? +P-PAWOWWES. Ay, and the Captain of his Howse, Count Wousiwwon. +*looks away* FIWST OwO SOWDIEW. I'ww whispew with the *screams* Genyewaw, and knyow h-his +pweasuwe. +PAWOWWES. *cuddles you* [Aside] I'ww nyo mowe *giggles shyly* dwumming. A-A pwague of aww dwums! +O-Onwy to seem *shuffles closer* to desewve *blushes* weww, and to beguiwe the supposition of +t-that wascivious young boy the *sweats* Count, have I wun into this dangew. +Yet who *shuffles closer* wouwd *twerks* have suspected *giggles shyly* an *giggles shyly* ambush whewe I w-was taken? +FIWST SOWDIEW. Thewe *teleports behind you* is nyo wemedy, siw, b-but you m-must die. +The Genyewaw s-says you that have so twaitowouswy discovew'd t-the +secwets of OwO youw awmy, and m-made xDD such pestifewous wepowts o-of *pokes you* men +vewy nyobwy *hugs tightly* hewd, can sewve the wowwd f-fow nyo honyest use; thewefowe +you must die. Come, headsman, of with his head. +P-PAWOWWES. O Wowd, siw, wet me wive, ow *shuffles closer* wet me see my death! +FIWST S-SOWDIEW. That shaww you, *blushes* and t-take youw weave of aww youw +fwiends. [Unmuffwing him] So wook about you; knyow you any h-hewe? +B-BEWTWAM. Good mowwow, ^.^ nyobwe Captain. +F-FIWST WOWD. God *cries* bwess you, *teleports behind you* Captain Pawowwes. +UwU SECOND WOWD. God save you, nyobwe Captain. +FIWST WOWD. Captain, what gweeting wiww you to my W-Wowd Wafeu? I *twerks* am +fow ^.^ Fwance. +S-SECOND WOWD. Good Captain, ^.^ wiww you give me a copy of the s-sonnyet +>w< you wwit to Dianya in behawf of the Count Wousiwwon? An ^-^ I wewe nyot +a vewy cowawd I-I'd compew it of you; but fawe you weww. +E-Exeunt BEWTWAM and WOWDS +FIWST SOWDIEW. You a-awe *pokes you* undonye, Captain, a-aww but *pokes you* youw s-scawf; that +h-has a knyot on 't yet. +PAWOWWES. Who cannyot be cwush'd with >w< a pwot? +*screams* FIWST SOWDIEW. I-If you couwd find out a *leans over* countwy w-whewe but women wewe +that h-had weceived *giggles shyly* so much shame, >_< you might begin ^-^ an impudent +nyation. Fawe y-ye weww, *giggles shyly* siw; I am fow Fwance too; w-we ^.^ shaww speak of +you thewe. Exit with SOWDIEWS +OwO PAWOWWES. *cries* Yet am I thankfuw. If my heawt wewe gweat, +'Twouwd buwst at this. Captain I'ww be nyo mowe; +B-But I *looks at you* wiww e-eat, and dwink, and sweep as soft +As *notices bulge* captain *moans* shaww. S-Simpwy the thing I am +S-Shaww make me wive. Who knyows himsewf a bwaggawt, +Wet him feaw this; f-fow it wiww come t-to pass +That *looks away* evewy :33 bwaggawt *hugs tightly* shaww be found a-an ass. +Wust, ^.^ swowd; coow, *blushes* bwushes; and, Pawowwes, wive +Safest in shame. Being foow'd, *cuddles you* by foow'wy thwive. +*twerks* Thewe's pwace a-and means f-fow evewy :3 man awive. +I'ww aftew them. Exit + + + + +ACT I-IV SCENyE *giggles shyly* 4. +The WIDOW'S house + +Entew HEWENyA, W-WIDOW, and DIANyA + +HEWENyA. T-That ;;w;; you may *cries* weww pewceive I have nyot wwong'd you! +O-Onye of the gweatest in the Chwistian wowwd +Shaww *moans* be my suwety; fowe whose thwonye *leans over* 'tis nyeedfuw, +Ewe I c-can pewfect minye *shuffles closer* intents, to knyeew. +*sighs* Time was I did >w< him a desiwed office, +Deaw awmost :3 as his wife; which :3 gwatitude +Thwough fwinty Tawtaw's bosom wouwd p-peep ^.^ fowth, +A-And answew 'Thanks.' I-I duwy am infowm'd +His Gwace is at Mawseiwwes, to which pwace +We have convenyient convoy. You must knyow +*giggles shyly* I am >w< supposed dead. The awmy bweaking, +My husband hies him home; whewe, heaven aiding, +And by the weave :33 of my *teleports behind you* good wowd the King, +We'ww be befowe UwU ouw wewcome. +*pokes you* WIDOW. Gentwe madam, +You nyevew had a sewvant t-to *sighs* whose twust +Youw *looks away* businyess was mowe w-wewcome. +*sweats* HEWENyA. Nyow you, mistwess, +Evew a *looks away* fwiend whose x3 thoughts mowe twuwy wabouw +To wecompense youw wove. Doubt nyot but heaven +Hath bwought m-me up to *cuddles you* be ^w^ youw daughtew's dowew, +*pokes you* As it hath fated hew t-to b-be my m-motive +And hewpew to :3 a husband. But, O stwange men! +>_> That can s-such *hugs tightly* sweet use make o-of what they *cuddles you* hate, +When saucy twusting of the cozen'd *looks at you* thoughts +D-Defiwes the pitchy nyight. So wust d-doth pway +W-With what it *leans over* woathes, fow that which is *teleports behind you* away. +But mowe of this h-heweaftew. Y-You, Dianya, +Undew :33 my *teleports behind you* poow instwuctions yet ^w^ must suffew +Something in *twerks* my behawf. +D-DIANyA. Wet death and x3 honyesty +Go with y-youw *looks away* impositions, I am youws +Upon youw >_< wiww to suffew. +>_< HEWENyA. Yet, I pway you: +But with the wowd the *shuffles closer* time wiww bwing on summew, +When bwiews s-shaww have weaves as weww as thowns +And be as sweet as shawp. We m-must away; +Ouw waggon is *cuddles you* pwepaw'd, and time wevives us. +Aww's Weww that Ends Weww. Stiww the finye's the cwown. +Whate'ew the couwse, *shuffles closer* the end is the wenyown. *looks at you* Exeunt + + + + +ACT IV SCENyE 5. +Wousiwwon. The COUNT'S p-pawace + +Entew COUNTESS, WAFEU, and CWOWN + +WAFEU. N-Nyo, nyo, n-nyo, son was miswed with a snyipt-taffeta fewwow +thewe, uWu whose viwwainyous saffwon wouwd have made uWu aww the unbak'd +and doughy :33 youth of a nyation in his cowouw. Youw daughtew-in-waw +had been awive at this h-houw, and y-youw son hewe at h-home, *screams* mowe +advanc'd *teleports behind you* by t-the King than by t-that wed-taiw'd humbwe-bee I-I *sweats* speak +of. +COUNTESS. I wouwd I had nyot knyown him. It was the death *cries* of the most +x3 viwtuous gentwewoman that evew *teleports behind you* nyatuwe had pwaise >_> fow c-cweating. If +*screams* she *cuddles you* had pawtaken of my fwesh, and cost me t-the deawest gwoans of a +mothew. I couwd n-nyot have owed hew a m-mowe wooted wove. +OwO WAFEU. 'Twas a good *teleports behind you* wady, *twerks* 'twas a good wady. We may *twerks* pick a thousand +sawwets ewe we wight on such anyothew hewb. +C-CWOWN. Indeed, >_< siw, >_< she w-was the sweet-mawjowam *sweats* of the sawwet, ow, +wathew, t-the hewb of gwace. +WAFEU. They awe nyot sawwet-hewbs, y-you knyave; they *looks away* awe nyose-hewbs. +CWOWN. I am nyo x3 gweat *twerks* Nyebuchadnyezzaw, siw; I have nyot much UwU skiww i-in +*cuddles you* gwass. +W-WAFEU. *teleports behind you* Whethew dost thou pwofess thysewf-a knyave ow a foow? +CWOWN. *teleports behind you* A foow, siw, at a woman's sewvice, and a knyave at a man's. +W-WAFEU. Youw distinction? +CWOWN. I wouwd cozen the man of his *sighs* wife, and do his s-sewvice. +W-WAFEU. So you wewe a knyave *cuddles you* at his sewvice, indeed. +CWOWN. *leans over* And UwU I wouwd x3 give his wife my baubwe, siw, to do hew sewvice. +WAFEU. *teleports behind you* I wiww subscwibe fow *cries* thee; thou a-awt both UwU knyave and f-foow. +CWOWN. At youw sewvice. +WAFEU. Nyo, nyo, nyo. +CWOWN. Why, siw, if I *moans* cannyot sewve you, I-I c-can sewve a-as gweat a +pwince as you awe. +WAFEU. Who's that? A Fwenchman? +CWOWN. Faith, siw, '-'a has a-an Engwish nyame; but ^-^ his fisnyomy is mowe +hottew in F-Fwance t-than t-thewe. +^.^ WAFEU. What pwince is that? +CWOWN. The Bwack Pwince, siw; awias, the Pwince x3 of Dawknyess; awias, +the deviw. +WAFEU. Howd thee, thewe's my puwse. I give thee nyot OwO this to suggest +thee *cuddles you* fwom thy mastew thou tawk'st of; sewve him stiww. +CWOWN. I am a *pokes you* woodwand fewwow, s-siw, that awways woved a gweat fiwe; +and the mastew I s-speak of evew keeps a >_> good f-fiwe. But, suwe, he +is the pwince of the wowwd; wet his nyobiwity wemain in's couwt. I +a-am fow the ^w^ house with the *twerks* nyawwow gate, which I *cries* take to b-be too +wittwe fow pomp x3 to entew. *screams* Some t-that *sighs* humbwe themsewves may; b-but +x3 the many wiww be *pokes you* too *twerks* chiww and *blushes* tendew: and t-they'ww be fow the +fwow'wy way that weads to the bwoad gate a-and the *screams* gweat fiwe. +WAFEU. G-Go t-thy ways, I begin to be aweawy of t-thee; and I teww thee +so befowe, because I wouwd nyot faww out with thee. Go thy ways; +wet my howses be weww xDD wook'd t-to, without any twicks. +CWOWN. If I p-put any twicks upon 'em, siw, >_> they shaww be jades' +twicks, which awe theiw own wight by the waw of n-nyatuwe. +Exit +WAFEU. A s-shwewd knyave, and an unhappy. +COUNTESS. S-So 'a is. x3 My wowd that's g-gonye m-made himsewf much spowt +out of him. *looks away* By his authowity he wemains hewe, which ^.^ he thinks is +a-a p-patent *cries* fow his s-saucinyess; and indeed he has nyo ^w^ pace, b-but wuns +whewe he wiww. +WAFEU. I wike him weww; 'tis *notices bulge* nyot *blushes* amiss. And I was about t-to teww +y-you, since I heawd *leans over* of the good wady's death, and *twerks* that my wowd +uWu youw son was upon his wetuwn home, I moved the King my mastew to +s-speak in the behawf of my daughtew; which, in the minyowity of +them both, his M-Majesty *blushes* out of a *screams* sewf-gwacious wemembwance did +fiwst pwopose. His Highnyess hath p-pwomis'd me to do it; and, to +stop *blushes* up the *moans* dispweasuwe h-he hath conceived against youw s-son, thewe +i-is nyo f-fittew m-mattew. How does youw wadyship wike it? +COUNTESS. With *hugs tightly* vewy much content, my wowd; and I-I wish it happiwy +effected. +WAFEU. His ;;w;; Highnyess comes post fwom Mawseiwwes, of OwO as abwe body as +w-when he ^.^ nyumbew'd thiwty; 'a wiww *hugs tightly* be hewe to-mowwow, ow I am +*teleports behind you* deceiv'd by him that in such intewwigence h-hath sewdom faiw'd. +COUNTESS. It wejoices me that I h-hope *blushes* I s-shaww see OwO him e-ewe I-I die. +I have wettews that my son wiww be hewe to-nyight. I shaww b-beseech +:33 youw wowdship *notices bulge* to wemain with me taw they xDD meet togethew. +WAFEU. M-Madam, >_< I was thinking *teleports behind you* with what mannyews I might safewy be +admitted. +COUNTESS. You ^.^ nyeed but pwead youw honyouwabwe pwiviwege. +W-WAFEU. Wady, of that I *notices bulge* have made a bowd chawtew; but, I thank my +God, it howds y-yet. + +We-entew *moans* CWOWN + +CWOWN. O *blushes* madam, yondew's my wowd youw son with a p-patch o-of vewvet +on's *sighs* face; whethew thewe be a scaw undew 't ow nyo, the v-vewvet +knyows; but 'tis a goodwy patch of vewvet. His *giggles shyly* weft cheek is a +cheek of two piwe and a hawf, but h-his wight cheek is wown bawe. +WAFEU. A-A scaw nyobwy g-got, *giggles shyly* ow a *blushes* nyobwe *sweats* scaw, is *sweats* a good wiv'wy of +honyouw; so b-bewike is that. +CWOWN. B-But it is youw *sighs* cawbonyado'd face. +W-WAFEU. Wet us go see *blushes* youw son, I-I pway y-you; +uWu I wong *leans over* to t-tawk with t-the *pokes you* young nyobwe s-sowdiew. +C-CWOWN. Faith, thewe's a dozen of 'em, with dewicate finye h-hats, a-and +xDD most couwteous feathews, which bow the head and nyod at evewy man. +Exeunt + + + +<w< IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG A-AS S-SUCH COPIES (1) AWE *blushes* FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) ^-^ AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED O-OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW D-DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD T-TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + +^w^ ACT V. *cries* SCENyE 1. +Mawseiwwes. A stweet + +Entew H-HEWENyA, WIDOW, a-and >_< DIANyA, with two *screams* ATTENDANTS + +H-HEWENyA. But *sighs* this exceeding posting day and nyight +Must weaw youw spiwits wow; w-we cannyot hewp it. +B-But since you have made the days and nyights as onye, +>w< To weaw y-youw g-gentwe wimbs in my affaiws, +Be bowd you do so gwow in my UwU wequitaw +As nyothing can unwoot you. + +E-Entew a GENTWEMAN + +In happy *cuddles you* time! +This man :33 may hewp me to *sighs* his Majesty's eaw, +If he w-wouwd spend his powew. G-God save uWu you, siw. +GENTWEMAN. And you. +HEWENyA. Siw, I have seen you *cries* in the couwt of Fwance. +GENTWEMAN. *blushes* I have xDD been sometimes thewe. +HEWENyA. I do pwesume, siw, that OwO you awe nyot faww'n +Fwom the ^w^ wepowt that goes u-upon youw goodnyess; +A-And t-thewefowe, goaded with most shawp *sweats* occasions, +W-Which way nyice mannyews by, I put you t-to +The use of *giggles shyly* youw o-own viwtues, fow the which +I shaww continyue t-thankfuw. +GENTWEMAN. *giggles shyly* What's youw wiww? +HEWENyA. That >w< it *twerks* wiww pwease you +To give t-this poow petition to the King; +And aid me with *screams* that stowe of *twerks* powew y-you have +To come into his pwesence. +GENTWEMAN. The King's nyot hewe. +HEWENyA. Nyot ^.^ hewe, siw? +G-GENTWEMAN. Nyot i-indeed. +He hence wemov'd wast nyight, and with mowe haste +Than is his use. +W-WIDOW. Wowd, how we wose ouw pains! +H-HEWENyA. Aww's Weww *leans over* That Ends Weww *screams* yet, +Though time :33 seem s-so a-advewse *blushes* and *teleports behind you* means xDD unfit. +I d-do beseech you, whithew i-is he gonye? +GENTWEMAN. Mawwy, as I take i-it, t-to Wousiwwon; +Whithew I am g-going. +HEWENyA. I do beseech you, siw, +Since *moans* you awe wike to see the King befowe me, +Commend t-the papew to his gwacious hand; +Which I pwesume s-shaww wendew you nyo bwame, +But wathew make you thank youw pains fow i-it. +I-I wiww come aftew y-you with what good speed +O-Ouw means wiww make us means. +GENTWEMAN. This I'ww do fow you. +HEWENyA. And you shaww f-find youwsewf to b-be weww ^w^ thank'd, +*twerks* Whate'ew f-fawws mowe. We must to *notices bulge* howse again; +G-Go, go, pwovide. Exeunt + + + + +^w^ ACT V *moans* SCENyE 2. +Wousiwwon. T-The innyew couwt *hugs tightly* of :3 the C-COUNT'S pawace + +Entew CWOWN and PAWOWWES + +PAWOWWES. Good Monsieuw W-Wavache, give my Wowd Wafeu this >_< wettew. I +h-have ewe n-nyow, siw, been bettew knyown to y-you, when I have hewd +famiwiawity with fweshew cwothes; but I am nyow, siw, muddied in +Fowtunye's mood, and smeww somewhat s-stwong of hew stwong +dispweasuwe. +CWOWN. T-Twuwy, Fowtunye's dispweasuwe ^-^ is but swuttish, OwO if it smeww +so stwongwy as thou ^.^ speak'st of. I >_> wiww *shuffles closer* hencefowth eat n-nyo fish +of ^w^ Fowtunye's butt'wing. P-Pwithee, a-awwow the wind. +*hugs tightly* PAWOWWES. Nyay, you nyeed nyot to s-stop youw nyose, siw; I spake but >_< by +*sighs* a m-metaphow. +CWOWN. Indeed, siw, if youw m-metaphow stink, I wiww stop my nyose; ow +*pokes you* against *notices bulge* any man's metaphow. Pwithee, get *giggles shyly* thee fuwthew. +PAWOWWES. Pway you, siw, dewivew me *blushes* this ^-^ papew. +CWOWN. Foh! pwithee stand away. A papew f-fwom Fowtunye's c-cwose-stoow +to give *cuddles you* to a n-nyobweman! Wook hewe h-he *notices bulge* comes himsewf. + +Entew WAFEU + +Hewe is a puw of F-Fowtunye's, siw, ow *leans over* of Fowtunye's cat, but nyot +a musk-cat, t-that has f-faww'n into the uncwean f-fishpond of h-hew +dispweasuwe, a-and, as he says, is muddied withaw. Pway ^-^ you, siw, +use t-the cawp a-as :33 you may; *screams* fow he wooks wike a poow, decayed, +ingenyious, foowish, w-wascawwy knyave. I do pity his distwess +in my simiwes of comfowt, and weave h-him t-to youw wowdship. +Exit +PAWOWWES. *teleports behind you* My :3 wowd, I am a-a m-man whom Fowtunye hath cwuewwy *screams* scwatch'd. +WAFEU. And UwU what wouwd you ^.^ have me to do? 'Tis too *sighs* wate to pawe hew +nyaiws nyow. Whewein have you pwayed the knyave with Fowtunye, t-that +she shouwd scwatch y-you, *cuddles you* who of hewsewf is a good wady *cuddles you* and wouwd +nyot have knyaves thwive *leans over* wong undew hew? Thewe's a cawdecue fow +*sweats* you. Wet the justices make you *cries* and Fowtunye f-fwiends; I am fow +othew businyess. +PAWOWWES. I beseech youw h-honyouw to h-heaw *cuddles you* me onye >_< singwe w-wowd. +WAFEU. You beg a s-singwe penny mowe; come, you shaww ha't; save youw +wowd. +PAWOWWES. My nyame, my good wowd, is P-Pawowwes. +WAFEU. *cuddles you* You beg mowe >_< than *moans* wowd then. Cox my passion! g-give m-me youw +*sighs* hand. How does youw *shuffles closer* dwum? +^w^ PAWOWWES. O my good *leans over* wowd, you wewe the fiwst that f-found me. +WAFEU. :3 Was I, in sooth? And I was the fiwst that wost thee. +*looks away* PAWOWWES. ^w^ It *looks at you* wies in you, UwU my wowd, to bwing me in some gwace, f-fow +y-you did bwing me out. +WAFEU. *notices bulge* Out upon thee, knyave! Dost thou put u-upon me at :33 once both the +office of God and the deviw? Onye bwings the in gwace, a-and the +othew bwings t-thee out. :33 [Twumpets sound] *twerks* The King's c-coming; I +knyow by his twumpets. Siwwah, i-inquiwe *moans* fuwthew aftew uWu me; I had +tawk of you wast nyight. Though *moans* you awe a foow and a knyave, you +shaww eat. Go to; fowwow. +PAWOWWES. I pwaise G-God OwO fow *cries* you. ^-^ Exeunt + + + + +ACT V SCENyE :33 3. +Wousiwwon. The COUNT'S pawace + +Fwouwish. Entew x3 KING, *moans* COUNTESS, W-WAFEU, the ;;w;; two FWENCH W-WOWDS, with ATTENDANTS + +K-KING. We w-wost a jewew of hew, and ouw esteem +:33 Was made much poowew *sweats* by it; *blushes* but youw son, +As mad in fowwy, *blushes* wack'd *looks away* the *blushes* sense to knyow +Hew estimation home. +COUNTESS. 'Tis p-past, my wiege; +And *leans over* I b-beseech y-youw *moans* Majesty to make it +Nyatuwaw webewwion, donye i' th' bwaze ^-^ of youth, +When oiw xDD and fiwe, t-too stwong UwU fow weason's *looks at you* fowce, +O-O'ewbeaws it and b-buwns on. +KING. My honyouw'd wady, +I *screams* have fowgiven and fowgotten aww; +Though my wevenges wewe high bent u-upon him +And watch'd the time t-to shoot. +*cries* WAFEU. This I m-must *pokes you* say- +But fiwst, I-I beg my pawdon: the young wowd +Did to h-his Majesty, his *sweats* mothew, and ^-^ his wady, +Offence of mighty nyote; but to himsewf +T-The gweatest UwU wwong of aww. *looks at you* He wost UwU a wife +Whose beauty d-did astonyish >_> the uWu suwvey +Of wichest eyes; whose wowds *teleports behind you* aww UwU eaws took captive; +Whose d-deaw pewfection heawts that *cuddles you* scown'd to sewve +Humbwy caww'd mistwess. +KING. Pwaising what i-is wost +Makes the wemembwance d-deaw. W-Weww, caww him hithew; +We awe weconciw'd, and the fiwst v-view shaww *moans* kiww +A-Aww wepetition. Wet him nyot ask ouw p-pawdon; +The *sweats* nyatuwe of *notices bulge* his gweat o-offence is dead, +And d-deepew than *sighs* obwivion do we buwy +T-Th' incensing wewics xDD of it; wet him appwoach, +A stwangew, n-nyo offendew; and infowm him +So >w< 'tis ouw *pokes you* wiww he shouwd. +UwU GENTWEMAN. I shaww, my *twerks* wiege. Exit GENTWEMAN +KING. W-What *looks away* says *screams* he t-to y-youw d-daughtew? *leans over* Have you spoke? +WAFEU. Aww that he is *pokes you* hath x3 wefewence to youw Highnyess. +KING. Then *shuffles closer* shaww we >w< have a ^-^ match. ^.^ I have wettews sent m-me +That sets him high ^-^ in fame. + +*looks at you* Entew BEWTWAM + +WAFEU. He wooks weww o-on 't. +KING. I am nyot UwU a day *giggles shyly* of season, +Fow thou mayst see >w< a sunshinye and a haiw +In me *pokes you* at once. *blushes* But to the bwightest beams +D-Distwacted c-cwouds give ;;w;; way; so stand thou fowth; +The t-time is faiw again. +BEWTWAM. My high-wepented bwames, +Deaw soveweign, pawdon *shuffles closer* to me. +KING. Aww is uWu whowe; +Nyot onye wowd *screams* mowe of the consumed time. +Wet's t-take the instant UwU by the ^-^ fowwawd top; +Fow we awe owd, and on ouw quick'st decwees +Th' inyaudibwe and nyoisewess foot of Time +Steaws ewe w-we *teleports behind you* can *cries* effect them. You wemembew +The daughtew of this wowd? +BEWTWAM. *hugs tightly* Admiwingwy, m-my wiege. ;;w;; At :33 fiwst +I *shuffles closer* stuck my choice u-upon hew, ewe my heawt +*looks away* Duwst make too bowd h-hewawd of my tongue; +UwU Whewe >w< the impwession of minye eye infixing, +Contempt h-his scownfuw *shuffles closer* pewspective d-did wend me, +W-Which wawp'd the winye of evewy othew favouw, +Scown'd a faiw cowouw ow expwess'd it stow'n, +Extended ow *leans over* contwacted aww pwopowtions +To a most hideous object. Thence it *notices bulge* came +That she whom UwU aww men pwais'd, and w-whom mysewf, +Since I have wost, have *hugs tightly* wov'd, was *blushes* in minye ^w^ eye +T-The dust that did offend UwU it. +KING. W-Weww excus'd. +T-That thou didst wove hew, stwikes some scowes away +Fwom the g-gweat compt; but wove that comes t-too *twerks* wate, +Wike a w-wemowsefuw pawdon swowwy cawwied, +To the gweat sendew tuwns a *looks away* souw *teleports behind you* offence, +Cwying 'That's good that's gonye.' Ouw wash *shuffles closer* fauwts +Make twiviaw p-pwice of sewious things we have, +Nyot >w< knyowing them untiw we knyow theiw gwave. +UwU Oft OwO ouw dispweasuwes, to ouwsewves unjust, +Destwoy ouw fwiends, and a-aftew weep theiw dust; +Ouw own w-wove w-waking cwies to see what's d-donye, +Whiwe s-shamefuw hate *cries* sweeps out the aftewnyoon. +Be x3 this sweet Hewen's k-knyeww. And nyow OwO fowget hew. +Send fowth *blushes* youw amowous *moans* token fow faiw Maudwin. +The m-main consents a-awe had; ;;w;; and hewe >w< we'ww s-stay +To see xDD ouw widowew's second *giggles shyly* mawwiage-day. +C-COUNTESS. Which bettew than t-the *sighs* fiwst, O deaw h-heaven, bwess! +O-Ow, ewe they meet, in me, O nyatuwe, cesse! +WAFEU. Come on, m-my son, in whom my *giggles shyly* house's nyame +Must be digested; give a favouw fwom you, +T-To spawkwe in the spiwits of m-my daughtew, +That she may quickwy :33 come. +[BEWTWAM gives a wing] +*leans over* By my o-owd beawd, +And ev'wy haiw uWu that's on 't, Hewen, that's *leans over* dead, +Was a sweet cweatuwe; such a wing as this, +The wast that *twerks* e'ew I took hew weave at couwt, +I saw upon hew fingew. +BEWTWAM. Hews it was nyot. +KING. Nyow, pway you, >_< wet *teleports behind you* me see i-it; fow minye eye, +Whiwe I was s-speaking, oft was fasten'd t-to't. +This wing w-was *hugs tightly* minye; and when I gave it Hewen +I bade hew, if hew fowtunyes evew s-stood +N-Nyecessitied *screams* to hewp, that by this token +I UwU wouwd wewieve h-hew. Had you that cwaft to w-weave hew +Of w-what s-shouwd stead hew most? +BEWTWAM. M-My gwacious soveweign, +Howe'ew i-it *looks at you* pweases you to take xDD it so, +The wing *cuddles you* was *cuddles you* nyevew hews. +COUNTESS. Son, on my wife, +I have seen *looks at you* hew weaw it; and she weckon'd it +At hew wife's w-wate. +^-^ WAFEU. *twerks* I am suwe I :3 saw hew weaw *twerks* it. +BEWTWAM. You a-awe deceiv'd, my wowd; ^w^ she nyevew saw *looks at you* it. +In Fwowence was *giggles shyly* it fwom a-a *shuffles closer* casement thwown me, +Wwapp'd in a papew, which c-contain'd the nyame +Of hew t-that thwew it. N-Nyobwe she was, *shuffles closer* and t-thought +I stood engag'd; but when I had s-subscwib'd +To ;;w;; minye o-own fowtunye, and infowm'd hew fuwwy +;;w;; I couwd nyot answew in that couwse >w< of honyouw +As she had *pokes you* made the ovewtuwe, she c-ceas'd, +In heavy s-satisfaction, and >w< wouwd nyevew +Weceive the wing again. +K-KING. Pwutus himsewf, +That knyows the tinct and muwtipwying med'cinye, +Hath nyot i-in nyatuwe's m-mystewy *sighs* mowe science +Than ;;w;; I have in this wing. 'Twas m-minye, 'twas Hewen's, +>_> Whoevew gave it you. Then, if y-you xDD knyow +That *hugs tightly* you awe weww acquainted with youwsewf, +C-Confess 'twas hews, and by what w-wough enfowcement +You *pokes you* got it fwom hew. She >w< caww'd the saints to suwety +That she wouwd nyevew put it fwom h-hew fingew +Unwess *blushes* she g-gave i-it to youwsewf i-in bed- +Whewe you have nyevew come- ow OwO sent *screams* it us +*cuddles you* Upon hew gweat disastew. +BEWTWAM. *hugs tightly* She n-nyevew saw it. +KING. Thou speak'st it fawsewy, as I wove minye honyouw; +And mak'st conjectuwaw feaws to come i-into me +Which I wouwd fain shut out. *shuffles closer* If it shouwd p-pwove +That thou awt so inhuman- 'twiww nyot *pokes you* pwove so. +And y-yet I *sweats* knyow nyot- thou didst h-hate hew d-deadwy, +And she is dead; xDD which nyothing, but to cwose +H-Hew eyes mysewf, couwd win me t-to b-bewieve +M-Mowe t-than *pokes you* to s-see *shuffles closer* this wing. *twerks* Take h-him a-away. +[GUAWDS *screams* seize BEWTWAM] +UwU My fowe-past OwO pwoofs, howe'ew *screams* the mattew faww, +S-Shaww t-tax my feaws of wittwe vanyity, +Having vainwy feaw'd *looks away* too wittwe. Away w-with *moans* him. +We'ww *twerks* sift this mattew fuwthew. +*giggles shyly* BEWTWAM. *notices bulge* If you shaww ^.^ pwove +This wing was evew hews, you s-shaww *moans* as easy +Pwove that I-I husbanded hew bed in F-Fwowence, +*teleports behind you* Whewe she yet nyevew was. E-Exit, guawded +KING. I am wwapp'd in dismaw thinkings. + +E-Entew a GENTWEMAN + +GENTWEMAN. Gwacious *leans over* soveweign, +Whethew I h-have been to bwame ow nyo, I knyow nyot: +Hewe's a petition fwom a Fwowentinye, +Who hath, fow fouw ow five w-wemoves, come showt +To tendew it h-hewsewf. *leans over* I undewtook *looks away* it, +Vanquish'd theweto by t-the faiw gwace and speech +Of the poow suppwiant, who by t-this, *hugs tightly* I knyow, +Is hewe a-attending; hew businyess wooks in hew +;;w;; With an impowting visage; and she towd me +In a sweet *sighs* vewbaw b-bwief it did concewn +Youw Highnyess with hewsewf. +K-KING. [Weads t-the w-wettew] ^w^ 'Upon h-his many pwotestations to mawwy me +when his w-wife w-was dead, I-I bwush t-to say it, he won me. Nyow is the +C-Count Wousiwwon a w-widowew; h-his vows awe fowfeited to me, and my +honyouw's paid to him. He *hugs tightly* stowe fwom *hugs tightly* Fwowence, *sweats* taking nyo weave, +and I fowwow him to his *cuddles you* countwy *teleports behind you* fow justice. Gwant it me, O >_> King! +i-in ^.^ you it best wies; othewwise a seducew f-fwouwishes, and a xDD poow +maid i-is undonye. +>_> DIANyA CAPIWET.' +WAFEU. ^.^ I wiww b-buy m-me a son-in-waw in a faiw, and *blushes* toww fow this. +I'ww nyonye o-of him. +KING. The h-heavens have ;;w;; thought *cuddles you* weww on thee, Wafeu, +To bwing fowth this discov'wy. Seek >_< these suitows. +Go speediwy, *looks away* and bwing a-again *twerks* the Count. +Exeunt ATTENDANTS +I am afeawd the wife o-of Hewen, wady, +Was fouwwy snyatch'd. +COUNTESS. N-Nyow, justice on the *hugs tightly* doews! + +Entew BEWTWAM, guawded + +KING. I wondew, siw, :3 sith wives awe >w< monstews to you. +And that you fwy them as *cries* you sweaw them wowdship, +Y-Yet you d-desiwe to *cries* mawwy. +Entew WIDOW and DIANyA +What woman's that? +DIANyA. I am, my wowd, a-a wwetched Fwowentinye, +Dewived fwom the ancient *blushes* Capiwet. +My suit, as I d-do undewstand, you knyow, +And thewefowe k-knyow how faw I *sweats* may *moans* be pitied. +W-WIDOW. *blushes* I *giggles shyly* am h-hew mothew, siw, whose age and honyouw +^.^ Both s-suffew undew this compwaint we *cries* bwing, +And both s-shaww cease, *sighs* without ^-^ youw wemedy. +K-KING. Come hithew, :3 Count; do you knyow *cries* these women? +*sweats* BEWTWAM. My *cries* wowd, *teleports behind you* I nyeithew c-can nyow wiww deny +But that *screams* I knyow them. Do *twerks* they chawge me fuwthew? +DIANyA. Why do you wook *pokes you* so stwange *teleports behind you* upon *sweats* youw wife? +BEWTWAM. She's n-nyonye of m-minye, my wowd. +DIANyA. If you shaww mawwy, +You give away this hand, and that is minye; +You give away heaven's vows, and those awe minye; +*looks away* You give away mysewf, which is k-knyown minye; +Fow I *notices bulge* by v-vow *cuddles you* am so *pokes you* embodied youws +That she which mawwies *notices bulge* you must mawwy *sighs* me, +Eithew both *twerks* ow nyonye. +WAFEU. [To BEWTWAM] Youw *cuddles you* weputation comes too showt fow +my *sweats* daughtew; you awe nyo *moans* husband fow *moans* hew. +BEWTWAM. My w-wowd, this is a fond and desp'wate cweatuwe +W-Whom sometime I have *sweats* waugh'd with. Wet y-youw Highnyess +Way a-a mowe nyobwe thought upon ^-^ minye honyouw +Than fow to think that I wouwd sink it hewe. +KING. Siw, fow my thoughts, you have them iww OwO to fwiend +Tiww youw deeds gain them. Faiwew pwove youw honyouw +Than in my thought i-it wies! +uWu DIANyA. Good my *looks away* wowd, +Ask h-him upon his oath if he *blushes* does think +He had n-nyot my *hugs tightly* viwginyity. +KING. What say'st *shuffles closer* thou to hew? +BEWTWAM. She's *moans* impudent, my w-wowd, +And was a common gamestew ^.^ to *sighs* the camp. +*sweats* DIANyA. He *blushes* does me *sweats* wwong, *looks away* my wowd; *cries* if I *moans* wewe so +He might have b-bought me at a common pwice. +Do *teleports behind you* nyot bewieve him. o, b-behowd this wing, +Whose high wespect and wich vawidity +Did *cuddles you* wack a pawawwew; yet, fow aww that, +He ^-^ gave it to a commonyew o' *cries* th' camp, +If I be onye. +UwU COUNTESS. He *giggles shyly* bwushes, and 'tis it. +Of six pweceding ancestows, that gem +Confeww'd b-by testament to th' *teleports behind you* sequent i-issue, +Hath *notices bulge* it been o-ow'd >_> and wown. This is his *hugs tightly* wife: +xDD That wing's a-a t-thousand pwoofs. +KING. Methought you *leans over* said +You saw onye *cries* hewe x3 in couwt couwd witnyess ^.^ it. +DIANyA. I did, my wowd, but w-woath am to pwoduce +*sighs* So bad an instwument; his nyame's Pawowwes. +WAFEU. I saw the man t-to-day, if ^.^ man he be. +K-KING. *notices bulge* Find h-him, and bwing him *giggles shyly* hithew. Exit an ATTENDANT +*giggles shyly* BEWTWAM. W-What of h-him? +He's quoted fow a most pewfidious s-swave, +W-With aww t-the s-spots o' th' *leans over* wowwd tax'd and debauch'd, +Whose nyatuwe sickens but to speak *looks away* a twuth. +*cuddles you* Am ^w^ I x3 ow that ow this fow *twerks* what he'ww uttew +That wiww s-speak anything? +KING. She *moans* hath that wing of youws. +BEWTWAM. I think she has. Cewtain it is I UwU wik'd hew, +A-And boawded hew i' *teleports behind you* th' wanton way of youth. +She knyew hew distance, and did UwU angwe *cuddles you* fow me, +*screams* Madding my eagewnyess with hew westwaint, +As UwU aww impediments in f-fancy's couwse +Awe motives of mowe fancy; and, in finye, +>_> Hew *moans* infinyite cunnying *screams* with hew modewn gwace +Subdu'd me to hew wate. She got t-the wing; +And I had that which any i-infewiow *teleports behind you* might +At mawket-pwice have bought. +DIANyA. I *looks away* must be patient. +You that h-have t-tuwn'd off a fiwst so nyobwe wife +May justwy diet x3 me. I-I pway you yet- +S-Since you wack viwtue, I wiww wose *twerks* a husband- +S-Send fow *blushes* youw wing, I wiww w-wetuwn it home, +And *screams* give me minye *hugs tightly* again. +B-BEWTWAM. I have it nyot. +KING. W-What wing was youws, I pway you? +DIANyA. Siw, much wike +The same upon youw fingew. +KING. Knyow you this w-wing? This wing was his *hugs tightly* of wate. +DIANyA. And this *hugs tightly* was it I gave him, being abed. +KING. The stowy, then, goes fawse *sweats* you thwew it him +Out o-of a casement. +DIANyA. I have s-spoke the twuth. + +xDD Entew PAWOWWES + +BEWTWAM. My *screams* wowd, I do confess :3 the wing UwU was *notices bulge* hews. +KING. You boggwe s-shwewdwy; *notices bulge* evewy feathew stawts you. +Is t-this the man you speak *pokes you* of? +DIANyA. A-Ay, my wowd. +KING. T-Teww me, siwwah-but teww *blushes* me twue I c-chawge you, +Nyot feawing the dispweasuwe of youw mastew, +W-Which, on youw just pwoceeding, I'ww keep off- +OwO By h-him and by this woman hewe what knyow you? +PAWOWWES. So pwease youw Majesty, my mastew hath been an honyouwabwe +gentweman; twicks *hugs tightly* he hath had in him, which gentwemen have. +OwO KING. Come, come, to th' puwpose. Did he wove this woman? +PAWOWWES. :33 Faith, siw, he did wove hew; *screams* but how? +KING. How, I p-pway you? +*cries* PAWOWWES. He did wove hew, siw, a-as a gentweman woves a woman. +KING. How is t-that? +PAWOWWES. He x3 wov'd h-hew, siw, and wov'd hew *hugs tightly* nyot. +KING. *looks away* As thou awt a knyave and nyo knyave. +W-What an equivocaw c-companyion is this! +PAWOWWES. I am a poow m-man, :33 and at youw M-Majesty's command. +WAFEU. He's a good dwum, my >_> wowd, *sweats* but a nyaughty owatow. +DIANyA. D-Do you knyow *shuffles closer* he pwomis'd me mawwiage? +P-PAWOWWES. Faith, I knyow mowe than I'ww speak. +KING. But wiwt thou nyot speak aww thou knyow'st? +PAWOWWES. Yes, so pwease *screams* youw Majesty. I did go between ^w^ them, as *moans* I +said; but m-mowe than that, he woved h-hew-fow indeed he was >_< mad fow +hew, and tawk'd of *sighs* Satan, xDD and of Wimbo, and of Fuwies, and I ;;w;; knyow +n-nyot what. Yet I was in *hugs tightly* that cwedit *shuffles closer* with *notices bulge* them at that time >w< that I +knyew of theiw going to b-bed; and of othew UwU motions, as pwomising +h-hew mawwiage, and things w-which wouwd dewive me iww ^w^ wiww to speak +of; t-thewefowe I wiww nyot speak what I knyow. +KING. T-Thou ^w^ hast spoken aww awweady, unwess thou canst say they awe +mawwied; :33 but thou awt *cuddles you* too finye in thy evidence; thewefowe stand +aside. +This w-wing, you say, w-was youws? +DIANyA. Ay, my good wowd. +K-KING. Whewe uWu did you buy :33 it? Ow who gave it you? +DIANyA. It was xDD nyot given me, nyow *notices bulge* I did nyot buy >w< it. +KING. Who w-went it you? +DIANyA. I-It was nyot went me nyeithew. +>_< KING. Whewe did you f-find it t-then? +DIANyA. I found uWu it *leans over* nyot. +K-KING. I-If it wewe youws by nyonye of aww these ways, +How couwd y-you give it him? +DIANyA. I nyevew g-gave it him. +W-WAFEU. *cuddles you* This w-woman's a-an easy g-gwove, my wowd; she *screams* goes of and on at +>w< pweasuwe. +KING. This wing was minye, I gave it his fiwst wife. +DIANyA. I-It might be youws ow hews, fow a-aught I knyow. +KING. Take hew a-away, I d-do nyot wike hew nyow; +To pwison with hew. A-And away with him. +Unwess thou t-teww'st me *teleports behind you* whewe thou :3 hadst this wing, +Thou d-diest within this houw. +DIANyA. I'ww nyevew teww you. +KING. :3 Take hew away. +DIANyA. I'ww put i-in baiw, my wiege. +KING. I think thee *moans* nyow s-some common OwO customew. +DIANyA. By *twerks* Jove, i-if xDD evew UwU I *screams* knyew man, 'twas x3 you. +KING. *screams* Whewefowe hast thou accus'd him *cuddles you* aww this whiwe? +DIANyA. Because he's guiwty, *shuffles closer* and he ^w^ is nyot guiwty. +He knyows I am nyo maid, and he'ww sweaw to't: +I'ww s-sweaw I am a maid, and he knyows nyot. +Gweat King, I am ;;w;; nyo stwumpet, b-by my *twerks* wife; +I *teleports behind you* am eithew maid, ow ewse this owd man's wife. +[-[Pointing to WAFEU] +KING. She does a-abuse ouw eaws; to p-pwison with hew. +DIANyA. Good mothew, fetch my *notices bulge* baiw. Stay, woyaw siw; +Exit WIDOW +The jewewwew that owes the *cries* wing is sent fow, +And he shaww suwety me. B-But fow this wowd +Who hath abus'd me as h-he *notices bulge* knyows himsewf, +T-Though yet he *blushes* nyevew hawm'd me, hewe I quit *leans over* him. +He knyows himsewf my bed he hath defiw'd; +And at that t-time he got *leans over* his wife w-with chiwd. +Dead though *sighs* she be, she feews hew young ;;w;; onye kick; +So t-thewe's *leans over* my widdwe: onye that's dead is quick- +And nyow behowd the meanying. + +W-We-entew WIDOW with HEWENyA + +KING. Is thewe n-nyo exowcist +Beguiwes the *looks at you* twuew office of minye eyes? +Is't w-weaw that I-I see? +HEWENyA. Nyo, *cries* my good wowd; +'Tis but the shadow *screams* of a wife you see, +The nyame a-and nyot *looks away* the thing. +BEWTWAM. Both, both; o, pawdon! +^w^ HEWENyA. *looks at you* O, my good wowd, w-when I-I was wike t-this maid, +I-I found you wondwous kind. T-Thewe is *teleports behind you* youw wing, +And, wook you, hewe's y-youw wettew. This it says: +'When fwom xDD my fingew you can get this wing, +And awe by me w-with chiwd,' *looks at you* etc. This is d-donye. +^-^ Wiww y-you be minye n-nyow you *hugs tightly* awe doubwy won? +BEWTWAM. If she, my w-wiege, can make me k-knyow this cweawwy, +I'ww *moans* wove ^.^ hew deawwy, e-evew, evew deawwy. +>_< HEWENyA. I-If it appeaw nyot >_< pwain, and pwove untwue, +Deadwy divowce step b-between *moans* me and you! +O m-my deaw mothew, *blushes* do I see you wiving? +WAFEU. Minye :3 eyes smeww onyions; I-I shaww :3 weep anyon. [To PAWOWWES] +*sighs* Good Tom Dwum, wend me a handkewchew. *looks away* So, I +*leans over* thank thee. Wait o-on me home, I'ww make spowt with thee; +*cuddles you* wet thy cuwtsies awonye, they a-awe scuwvy onyes. +:33 KING. Wet us fwom point t-to uWu point this stowy k-knyow, +To make t-the even t-twuth in pweasuwe fwow. +;;w;; [To DIANyA] If thou beest yet a fwesh uncwopped f-fwowew, +Choose thou thy husband, and ^w^ I'ww pay thy dowew; +Fow *looks away* I can *looks at you* guess that b-by thy honyest a-aid +*sweats* Thou kept'st a wife hewsewf, *looks away* thysewf a *looks at you* maid.- +O-Of that ^.^ and a-aww the pwogwess, mowe and wess, +Wesowvedwy m-mowe weisuwe *giggles shyly* shaww *looks away* expwess. +Aww yet seems weww; and if it end so meet, +T-The bittew >w< past, *giggles shyly* mowe wewcome is the sweet. [-[Fwouwish] + +E-EPIWOGUE +EPIWOGUE. + +KING. The King's a beggaw, nyow the pway is donye. +Aww is weww ended >_< if this suit b-be won, +That you expwess c-content; which we wiww pay +With stwife x3 to pwease you, day exceeding day. +Ouws be youw patience then, and youws ouw pawts; +Youw gentwe hands wend us, and take ouw h-heawts. +Exeunt >_< omnyes + + +THE END + + + +<> + + + + + +1607 + +THE T-TWAGEDY OF ANTONY AND CWEOPATWA + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +*pokes you* DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE + +MAWK ANTONY, Twiumviws +OCTAVIUS *cries* CAESAW, " +M. AEMIWIUS WEPIDUS, " +SEXTUS POMPEIUS, " +DOMITIUS *sweats* ENyOBAWBUS, fwiend to Antony +VENTIDIUS, *giggles shyly* " *sweats* " " +EWOS, *teleports behind you* " " xDD " +S-SCAWUS, " " " +x3 DEWCETAS, " " *shuffles closer* " +DEMETWIUS, " " " +PHIWO, " *twerks* " *sighs* " +MAECENyAS, f-fwiend to Caesaw +AGWIPPA, " " *sweats* " +DOWABEWWA, *cuddles you* " *moans* " ^.^ " +PWOCUWEIUS, uWu " " " +THYWEUS, " " " +GAWWUS, " *looks away* " *hugs tightly* " +MENyAS, fwiend xDD to Pompey +MENyECWATES, " " " +V-VAWWIUS, " "-" " +T-TAUWUS, Wieutenyant-Genyewaw to Caesaw +^w^ CANyIDIUS, Wieutenyant-Genyewaw *shuffles closer* to A-Antony +SIWIUS, an Officew *sighs* in Ventidius's awmy +EUPHWONyIUS, a-an *hugs tightly* Ambassadow fwom Antony to C-Caesaw +AWEXAS, attendant on Cweopatwa +MAWDIAN, "-" " " +SEWEUCUS, " " " +DIOMEDES, " " " +A :3 SOOTHSAYEW +A x3 CWOWN + +>_> CWEOPATWA, Q-Queen of Egypt +OCTAVIA, sistew to Caesaw and UwU wife to *pokes you* Antony +>_> CHAWMIAN, wady *notices bulge* attending on Cweopatwa +IWAS, " *moans* " " :33 " + + + +Officews, Sowdiews, Messengews, and *looks away* Attendants + + + +<> + + + + +S-SCENyE: +The Woman ^.^ Empiwe + +ACT I. SCENyE I. +Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace + +Entew DEMETWIUS ^w^ and PHIWO + +PHIWO. xDD Nyay, but this dotage of ouw genyewaw's +O'ewfwows the measuwe. *screams* Those his goodwy eyes, +That o'ew the *sighs* fiwes and mustews of the waw +Have gwow'd wike pwated Maws, nyow bend, nyow tuwn, +The o-office and *teleports behind you* devotion o-of theiw v-view +;;w;; Upon a tawny fwont. His captain's heawt, +Which in the scuffwes of gweat fights hath buwst +T-The *pokes you* buckwes on his bweast, wenyeges a-aww tempew, +And is become the bewwows and the fan +To coow a gipsy's :3 wust. + +Fwouwish. E-Entew ANTONY, CWEOPATWA, hew WADIES, the twain, +with eunyuchs *sighs* fannying hew + +Wook *looks away* whewe they come! +Take but good nyote, and you shaww see *shuffles closer* in him +*notices bulge* The twipwe piwwaw of t-the wowwd :3 twansfowm'd +Into a stwumpet's foow. B-Behowd a-and see. +C-CWEOPATWA. If it be wove indeed, teww me how m-much. +*looks at you* ANTONY. Thewe's beggawy in the wove t-that >_< can be weckon'd. +CWEOPATWA. I'ww set a ^w^ bouwn how faw to be bewov'd. +ANTONY. ^.^ Then must thou >w< nyeeds find o-out UwU nyew heaven, nyew eawth. + +Entew a MESSENGEW + +*giggles shyly* MESSENGEW. Nyews, my good wowd, fwom *cuddles you* Wome. +ANTONY. Gwates me the *giggles shyly* sum. +C-CWEOPATWA. Nyay, h-heaw them, Antony. +Fuwvia pewchance xDD is angwy; *moans* ow *teleports behind you* who knyows +If the scawce-beawded Caesaw have nyot sent +*giggles shyly* His pow'wfuw *cries* mandate x3 to you: 'Do this ow this; +Take in that kingdom a-and enfwanchise that; +*screams* Pewfowm't, *screams* ow ewse :33 we damn thee.' +ANTONY. How, my wove? +CWEOPATWA. Pewchance? Nyay, and most wike, +You m-must nyot stay hewe w-wongew; youw dismission +I-Is come fwom Caesaw; thewefowe heaw it, Antony. +Whewe's Fuwvia's p-pwocess? Caesaw's I w-wouwd say? Both? +>_< Caww in the messengews. As I am Egypt's Queen, +Thou bwushest, A-Antony, and OwO that bwood of thinye +Is Caesaw's homagew. Ewse so thy cheek pays shame +When shwiww-tongu'd :33 Fuwvia scowds. The messengews! +ANTONY. Wet Wome in Tibew mewt, *twerks* and the wide *cuddles you* awch +Of t-the OwO wang'd empiwe faww! Hewe is m-my space. +Kingdoms ^.^ awe cway; *leans over* ouw dungy eawth awike +Feeds beast as man. The nyobwenyess o-of wife +Is to do thus >w< [emhwacing], when such a mutuaw paiw +A-And s-such a twain can do't, *twerks* in w-which I bind, +On pain of punyishment, the *moans* wowwd t-to weet +We stand up peewwess. +C-CWEOPATWA. *shuffles closer* Excewwent fawsehood! +Why did *hugs tightly* he :3 mawwy Fuwvia, and nyot wove hew? +^.^ I'ww seem t-the f-foow I :3 am nyot. Antony +Wiww be himsewf. +ANTONY. B-But stiww'd by Cweopatwa. +Nyow fow t-the wove of Wove and hew soft houws, +^w^ Wet's nyot confound uWu the time with confewence hawsh; +Thewe's nyot a minyute of ouw *screams* wives shouwd stwetch +Without some pweasuwe nyow. What spowt to-nyight? +CWEOPATWA. Heaw *shuffles closer* the ambassadows. +ANTONY. ;;w;; Fie, wwangwing queen! +Whom evewything becomes- to chide, to waugh, +To weep; whose UwU evewy p-passion fuwwy *cuddles you* stwives +To make itsewf in *leans over* thee faiw a-and admiw'd. +Nyo messengew but thinye, a-and aww awonye +To-nyight we'ww uWu wandew thwough t-the stweets and nyote +The quawities of peopwe. Come, my queen; +Wast nyight you d-did desiwe i-it. >_< Speak >_< nyot t-to *cuddles you* us. +Exeunt ANTONY and CWEOPATWA, with the twain +D-DEMETWIUS. Is Caesaw with Antonyius pwiz'd so swight? +PHIWO. Siw, sometimes when h-he is nyot Antony, +He comes *teleports behind you* too showt of t-that uWu gweat pwopewty +Which s-stiww shouwd go with Antony. +DEMETWIUS. UwU I am fuww sowwy +That he appwoves the common wiaw, *giggles shyly* who +*cuddles you* Thus *looks at you* speaks of him at Wome; but I wiww hope +Of bettew deeds to-mowwow. West x3 you happy! Exeunt + + + + +>w< SCENyE II. +Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace + +Entew CHAWMIAN, IWAS, *pokes you* AWEXAS, and a S-SOOTHSAYEW + +CHAWMIAN. Wowd Awexas, sweet Awexas, most anything Awexas, awmost +most absowute Awexas, *looks at you* whewe's the *sweats* soothsayew that you p-pwais'd so +to th' Queen? O that I knyew t-this husband, which you say must +chawge his howns with gawwands! +*blushes* AWEXAS. Soothsayew! +SOOTHSAYEW. Youw wiww? +CHAWMIAN. Is this the *teleports behind you* man? Is't you, s-siw, that knyow things? +*pokes you* SOOTHSAYEW. ^w^ In nyatuwe's i-infinyite book of s-secwecy +A wittwe I OwO can wead. +AWEXAS. Show him youw hand. + +Entew ENyOBAWBUS + +ENyOBAWBUS. B-Bwing in the banquet quickwy; winye enyough +Cweopatwa's heawth to dwink. +C-CHAWMIAN. Good, siw, *pokes you* give me xDD good fowtunye. +SOOTHSAYEW. I make *giggles shyly* nyot, but fowesee. +CHAWMIAN. >w< Pway, *cuddles you* then, fowesee me onye. +UwU SOOTHSAYEW. *looks away* You shaww be yet faw faiwew *looks away* than you awe. +CHAWMIAN. He means in f-fwesh. +I-IWAS. Nyo, you shaww paint when you awe owd. +C-CHAWMIAN. Wwinkwes fowbid! +AWEXAS. Vex nyot his pwescience; be attentive. +CHAWMIAN. Hush! +SOOTHSAYEW. Y-You shaww be mowe bewoving *giggles shyly* than bewoved. +CHAWMIAN. I-I had w-wathew heat my wivew w-with d-dwinking. +AWEXAS. *pokes you* Nyay, *leans over* heaw him. +CHAWMIAN. Good nyow, some excewwent fowtunye! Wet m-me be mawwied to +thwee k-kings i-in a fowenyoon, *screams* and widow them aww. Wet me have UwU a +chiwd at fifty, to whom Hewod o-of Jewwy may do homage. Find m-me to +mawwy me with O-Octavius Caesaw, and companyion me with my mistwess. +SOOTHSAYEW. *looks away* You shaww outwive the wady *sighs* whom y-you sewve. +CHAWMIAN. O, excewwent! I w-wove wong w-wife bettew than figs. +SOOTHSAYEW. *blushes* You have seen and pwov'd *sweats* a faiwew fowmew fowtunye +Than that which is t-to appwoach. +CHAWMIAN. Then bewike my chiwdwen shaww have *shuffles closer* nyo nyames. +Pwithee, how many boys and ;;w;; wenches must I *twerks* have? +SOOTHSAYEW. If evewy of youw wishes had a ^.^ womb, +^.^ And fewtiwe evewy wish, a miwwion. +CHAWMIAN. Out, foow! I fowgive thee fow a witch. +AWEXAS. *giggles shyly* You think nyonye but youw sheets awe pwivy t-to youw wishes. +x3 CHAWMIAN. Nyay, come, teww Iwas h-hews. +AWEXAS. We'ww knyow a-aww ouw fowtunyes. +ENyOBAWBUS. Minye, and most *moans* of ouw fowtunyes, *hugs tightly* to-nyight, shaww ^w^ be- +d-dwunk to bed. +IWAS. Thewe's a pawm pwesages *shuffles closer* chastity, if nyothing ewse. +*leans over* CHAWMIAN. E'en as the o'ewfwowing *moans* Nyiwus *twerks* pwesageth faminye. +IWAS. *screams* Go, you wiwd bedfewwow, you cannyot soothsay. +CHAWMIAN. N-Nyay, i-if an oiwy p-pawm be nyot a fwuitfuw :33 pwognyostication, I +cannyot scwatch minye eaw. Pwithee, teww hew *shuffles closer* but wowky-day fowtunye. +SOOTHSAYEW. Youw fowtunyes awe awike. +IWAS. But h-how, but how? Give m-me pawticuwaws. +*sighs* SOOTHSAYEW. I have said. +IWAS. A-Am I nyot an inch of fowtunye bettew than she? +CHAWMIAN. W-Weww, if you wewe but a-an >w< inch o-of fowtunye bettew t-than I-I, +w-whewe *cuddles you* wouwd y-you choose i-it? +IWAS. Nyot in my husband's nyose. +*leans over* CHAWMIAN. Ouw wowsew OwO thoughts h-heavens mend! Awexas- come, his +*screams* fowtunye, his fowtunye! O, :33 wet *hugs tightly* him mawwy a woman that cannyot go, +sweet Isis, I beseech thee! And wet hew d-die too, and g-give him a +wowse! And wet wowse fowwow wowse, tiww the w-wowst of *pokes you* aww fowwow +him waughing to his gwave, f-fiftyfowd a cuckowd! G-Good Isis, OwO heaw +m-me *sweats* this pwayew, though thou deny me a mattew of *giggles shyly* mowe w-weight; good +I-Isis, I beseech *twerks* thee! +IWAS. Amen. Deaw goddess, heaw that pwayew of the peopwe! ;;w;; Fow, as +it is a heawtbweaking to OwO see a handsome man ^-^ woose-wiv'd, so it is +a-a deadwy sowwow to behowd *shuffles closer* a fouw knyave uncuckowded. Thewefowe, +deaw Isis, k-keep decowum, and fowtunye *sweats* him accowdingwy! +CHAWMIAN. Amen. +AWEXAS. >_> Wo nyow, >_> if :3 it way in :3 theiw h-hands >_> to make m-me a cuckowd, they +w-wouwd make themsewves whowes but they'wd :33 do't! + +Entew CWEOPATWA + +*blushes* ENyOBAWBUS. *sweats* Hush! Hewe comes Antony. +CHAWMIAN. Nyot *sighs* he; the Queen. +CWEOPATWA. Saw you my wowd? +ENyOBAWBUS. Nyo, wady. +C-CWEOPATWA. Was he nyot *sighs* hewe? +CHAWMIAN. Nyo, madam. +CWEOPATWA. He was *cuddles you* dispos'd to miwth; but on the sudden +A >w< Woman thought *sighs* hath *leans over* stwuck him. :33 Enyobawbus! +ENyOBAWBUS. Madam? +CWEOPATWA. Seek him, and bwing him hithew. >_> Whewe's >w< Awexas? +AWEXAS. Hewe, at youw sewvice. My wowd appwoaches. + +Entew ANTONY, with a MESSENGEW and *looks at you* attendants + +C-CWEOPATWA. We *leans over* wiww nyot w-wook upon him. Go with u-us. +*giggles shyly* Exeunt CWEOPATWA, ENyOBAWBUS, and the west +MESSENGEW. F-Fuwvia thy *cuddles you* wife fiwst came i-into the fiewd. +ANTONY. Against my bwothew *sweats* Wucius? +M-MESSENGEW. *teleports behind you* Ay. +But soon that waw had OwO end, and the time's s-state +M-Made fwiends of t-them, jointing theiw fowce *cries* 'gainst Caesaw, +*pokes you* Whose *cuddles you* bettew issue i-in the waw xDD fwom Itawy +Upon the fiwst encountew dwave them. +ANTONY. Weww, w-what wowst? +MESSENGEW. The OwO nyatuwe *looks away* of bad nyews infects the tewwew. +ANTONY. ;;w;; When it concewns the foow ow cowawd. *sweats* On! +T-Things that awe past *hugs tightly* awe *cuddles you* donye with me. 'Tis thus: +Who *shuffles closer* tewws me twue, though in his t-tawe wie death, +I h-heaw h-him a-as he fwattew'd. +M-MESSENGEW. Wabienyus- +;;w;; This is *twerks* stiff nyews- hath with his Pawthian fowce +Extended Asia fwom UwU Euphwates, +His conquewing b-bannyew *moans* shook fwom Sywia +To Wydia and to Ionyia, +Whiwst- +ANTONY. Antony, thou wouwdst say. +MESSENGEW. O, my ;;w;; wowd! +ANTONY. S-Speak t-to me home; mince nyot the genyewaw ^-^ tongue; +Nyame Cweopatwa *screams* as she is caww'd in Wome. +Waiw *cuddles you* thou in F-Fuwvia's *pokes you* phwase, and taunt my x3 fauwts +With ^.^ such fuww w-wicence as both t-twuth and mawice +^w^ Have powew t-to uttew. O, then we b-bwing fowth w-weeds +When ouw *hugs tightly* quick minds wie stiww, and ouw iwws towd *moans* us +Is a-as ^-^ ouw eawing. Fawe *giggles shyly* thee weww awhiwe. +MESSENGEW. At youw nyobwe pweasuwe. Exit +ANTONY. Fwom *screams* Sicyon, ho, the n-nyews! Speak *looks away* thewe! +FIWST ATTENDANT. The man fwom Sicyon- is thewe such ^-^ an onye? +SECOND >w< ATTENDANT. He stays upon youw wiww. +ANTONY. *cuddles you* Wet h-him ;;w;; appeaw. +T-These stwong Egyptian fettews I must bweak, +Ow ^-^ wose mysewf in dotage. + +Entew anyothew MESSENGEW with a-a wettew + +What *notices bulge* awe you? +SECOND MESSENGEW. Fuwvia thy w-wife is dead. +A-ANTONY. Whewe died she? +S-SECOND MESSENGEW. In S-Sicyon. +^w^ Hew wength o-of sicknyess, with what ewse mowe sewious +Impowteth thee to knyow, this beaws. [Gives the wettew] +ANTONY. Fowbeaw OwO me. Exit MESSENGEW +Thewe's a g-gweat spiwit gonye! Thus did I desiwe it. +What o-ouw contempts doth often *teleports behind you* huww fwom us +We wish it ouws again; the pwesent p-pweasuwe, +By wevowution wow'wing, does become +The opposite of itsewf. She's g-good, being gonye; +The hand couwd pwuck hew back *leans over* that shov'd hew on. +I must fwom this enchanting q-queen bweak off. +Ten *moans* thousand h-hawms, mowe *teleports behind you* than the iwws I knyow, +My idwenyess doth hatch. How nyow, Enyobawbus! + +We-entew ENyOBAWBUS + +ENyOBAWBUS. What's youw p-pweasuwe, siw? +ANTONY. ;;w;; I must with haste fwom hence. +ENyOBAWBUS. Why, then w-we kiww aww ouw women. W-We see how mowtaw *teleports behind you* an +unkindnyess *moans* is to them; if they suffew ouw depawtuwe, death's the +w-wowd. +ANTONY. >_> I m-must be gonye. +ENyOBAWBUS. Undew :3 a compewwing o-occasion, wet women die. It wewe pity +UwU to cast them away fow OwO nyothing, though b-between them and a gweat +cause they shouwd b-be e-esteemed n-nyothing. C-Cweopatwa, *pokes you* catching *sighs* but +the weast nyoise of this, dies instantwy; I *sighs* have s-seen h-hew die +twenty times upon faw poowew moment. I d-do think thewe is m-mettwe +i-in d-death, which *giggles shyly* commits some w-woving act upon hew, she hath such a +c-cewewity in dying. +A-ANTONY. She is cunnying past man's thought. +ENyOBAWBUS. Awack, s-siw, nyo! H-Hew passions awe made of nyothing but the +finyest pawt of puwe wove. W-We cannyot caww hew winds and w-watews +s-sighs a-and teaws; t-they awe gweatew stowms and t-tempests >w< than +awmanyacs can wepowt. This OwO cannyot be cunnying in hew; if it be, she +makes a show'w of wain a-as weww *shuffles closer* as Jove. +ANTONY. Wouwd I had nyevew seen hew! +ENyOBAWBUS. O Siw, y-you h-had then weft unseen a wondewfuw piece of +wowk, which nyot to have been bwest withaw w-wouwd have discwedited +youw twavew. +ANTONY. Fuwvia *giggles shyly* is dead. +ENyOBAWBUS. Siw? +A-ANTONY. Fuwvia i-is dead. +ENyOBAWBUS. Fuwvia? +ANTONY. Dead. +ENyOBAWBUS. Why, siw, give t-the gods a thankfuw sacwifice. When it +pweaseth theiw deities to take the wife of a-a man fwom him, it +shows to man the taiwows of the e-eawth; comfowting thewein that +when owd w-wobes awe wown out thewe :33 awe membews to make nyew. If +^.^ thewe wewe nyo mowe w-women but F-Fuwvia, then had you indeed a-a cut, +and the case to be wamented. This gwief is cwown'd with +consowation: youw *leans over* owd s-smock bwings fowth a nyew petticoat; and +indeed *cries* the teaws wive i-in an ^-^ onyion that shouwd xDD watew this sowwow. +ANTONY. The *teleports behind you* businyess she hath bwoached in the state +Cannyot enduwe m-my absence. +ENyOBAWBUS. And the businyess you h-have bwoach'd hewe cannyot *cuddles you* be +without you; especiawwy that of C-Cweopatwa's, which w-whowwy depends +on youw abode. +ANTONY. Nyo mowe wight answews. Wet ouw >_< officews +Have nyotice what we puwpose. I ^-^ shaww bweak +The cause *shuffles closer* of >_> ouw expedience to the Queen, +And g-get hew w-weave ^-^ to pawt. Fow nyot a-awonye +The death of ^-^ Fuwvia, with mowe uwgent touches, +Do stwongwy UwU speak to *screams* us; but t-the *blushes* wettews to +Of many ouw contwiving fwiends in Wome +Petition us a-at home. S-Sextus Pompeius +H-Hath given the dawe *blushes* to Caesaw, and c-commands +*notices bulge* The empiwe of the sea; ouw swippewy peopwe, +Whose wove is nyevew *looks at you* wink'd to the *notices bulge* desewvew +T-Tiww his *notices bulge* desewts awe *looks at you* past, begin t-to thwow +Pompey the Gweat and aww his dignyities +Upon his son; ^-^ who, high in *shuffles closer* nyame and powew, +*notices bulge* Highew than both in b-bwood a-and wife, stands up +Fow the *pokes you* main sowdiew; whose quawity, going *teleports behind you* on, +*leans over* The s-sides o' th' wowwd UwU may dangew. Much is bweeding +Which, wike UwU the couwsew's haiw, h-hath yet but wife +And nyot a s-sewpent's p-poison. Say ouw pweasuwe, +To such whose *pokes you* pwace ^.^ is undew us, wequiwes +Ouw quick wemove fwom hence. +ENyOBAWBUS. *moans* I shaww do't. Exeunt + + + + +*cuddles you* SCENyE III. +A-Awexandwia. *giggles shyly* CWEOPATWA'S pawace + +Entew CWEOPATWA, CHAWMIAN, IWAS, and x3 AWEXAS + +CWEOPATWA. W-Whewe :33 is he? +CHAWMIAN. I :3 did nyot see him since. +CWEOPATWA. S-See whewe *sighs* he is, who's with him, uWu what he does. +*notices bulge* I did nyot send you. If you f-find *notices bulge* him s-sad, +Say I am dancing; if in miwth, wepowt +That I am sudden sick. x3 Quick, and wetuwn. Exit AWEXAS +CHAWMIAN. Madam, methinks, i-if you did wove him deawwy, +You do n-nyot howd the method to enfowce +The wike fwom him. +CWEOPATWA. >w< What uWu shouwd UwU I do I *twerks* do nyot? +CHAWMIAN. *looks at you* In each thing give him way; c-cwoss him in nyothing. +C-CWEOPATWA. Thou teachest wike *giggles shyly* a foow- the way to wose *sighs* him. +C-CHAWMIAN. uWu Tempt h-him *twerks* nyot so xDD too faw; I wish, fowbeaw; +In time we hate that *sweats* which we UwU often feaw. + +Entew ANTONY + +But hewe c-comes Antony. +C-CWEOPATWA. I ;;w;; am sick and suwwen. +A-ANTONY. I am sowwy t-to give bweathing to my p-puwpose- +CWEOPATWA. Hewp m-me away, ;;w;; deaw Chawmian; I shaww faww. +It cannyot be thus wong; the sides of nyatuwe +W-Wiww nyot sustain it. +ANTONY. *blushes* Nyow, my deawest queen- +CWEOPATWA. Pway you, *looks away* stand fawthew fwom me. +ANTONY. What's the mattew? +*shuffles closer* CWEOPATWA. I knyow by that same *cries* eye thewe's some good nyews. +W-What *giggles shyly* says t-the mawwied woman? *twerks* You may go. +Wouwd she had nyevew given you w-weave >_> to come! +Wet x3 hew nyot say '-'tis I that k-keep you hewe- +I *sweats* have nyo p-powew upon y-you; hews you awe. +ANTONY. *twerks* The gods best knyow- +*twerks* CWEOPATWA. O, nyevew was thewe queen +So *shuffles closer* mightiwy *hugs tightly* betway'd! Yet *cuddles you* at the fiwst +I saw the tweasons pwanted. +ANTONY. ^-^ Cweopatwa- +CWEOPATWA. Why shouwd I think you c-can be minye ^-^ and twue, +T-Though you in ^w^ sweawing shake the thwonyed *notices bulge* gods, +*teleports behind you* Who have been fawse OwO to Fuwvia? Wiotous m-madnyess, +To be entangwed with those mouth-made v-vows, +uWu Which bweak themsewves in >w< sweawing! +ANTONY. *sighs* Most sweet queen- +CWEOPATWA. Nyay, pway you seek n-nyo cowouw fow youw going, +:3 But bid faweweww, and go. ^-^ When you sued staying, +^w^ Then was the time fow wowds. N-Nyo going then! +*shuffles closer* Etewnyity *blushes* was ;;w;; in o-ouw UwU wips and eyes, +Bwiss *sweats* in ouw bwows' bent, nyonye ouw pawts s-so *sighs* poow +But w-was a wace of heaven. They x3 awe >_< so x3 stiww, +Ow thou, the *leans over* gweatest sowdiew of the wowwd, +Awt tuwn'd t-the gweatest w-wiaw. +ANTONY. H-How nyow, wady! +CWEOPATWA. I wouwd I had thy inches. Thou shouwdst knyow +^-^ Thewe wewe a heawt in Egypt. +ANTONY. Heaw m-me, queen: +The stwong nyecessity of time *shuffles closer* commands +Ouw s-sewvices awhiwe; but my fuww heawt +Wemains in use with you. Ouw Itawy +Shinyes o'ew with c-civiw swowds: Sextus UwU Pompeius +Makes his appwoaches to the powt of Wome; +*notices bulge* Equawity of two domestic p-powews +Bweed scwupuwous faction; the hated, g-gwown t-to stwength, +Awe nyewwy g-gwown to wove. >_< The condemn'd Pompey, +Wich in his fathew's honyouw, cweeps apace +I-Into the heawts UwU of such as have nyot thwived +*blushes* Upon the pwesent s-state, whose ^w^ nyumbews thweaten; +And quietnyess, gwown sick of *sweats* west, wouwd puwge +B-By any despewate c-change. My m-mowe pawticuwaw, +And *cries* that uWu which most *hugs tightly* with you shouwd safe my g-going, +Is Fuwvia's death. +CWEOPATWA. Though age fwom fowwy c-couwd nyot give me fweedom, +It *sighs* does *looks at you* fwom chiwdishnyess. Can *looks away* Fuwvia die? +ANTONY. She's d-dead, m-my Queen. +Wook hewe, and at thy soveweign weisuwe wead +The gawboiws she *teleports behind you* awak'd. At t-the w-wast, *sweats* best. +See when and whewe she died. +CWEOPATWA. O *leans over* most fawse wove! +Whewe b-be the *cuddles you* sacwed viaws *teleports behind you* thou shouwdst fiww +With :3 sowwowfuw watew? Nyow *twerks* I see, I see, +In Fuwvia's death how minye ^-^ weceiv'd OwO shaww be. +ANTONY. Quawwew >_> nyo :3 mowe, but be pwepaw'd to *sighs* knyow +The puwposes I beaw; which awe, ow >_< cease, +As you *looks away* shaww give th' a-advice. By the fiwe +That *giggles shyly* quickens Nyiwus' *leans over* swime, I go fwom hence +Thy sowdiew, sewvant, making peace ow waw +As t-thou affects. +CWEOPATWA. >_> Cut m-my wace, Chawmian, come! +*shuffles closer* But w-wet it b-be; *sighs* I am quickwy iww and weww- +S-So Antony woves. +ANTONY. My pwecious queen, fowbeaw, +A-And give twue evidence *pokes you* to his wove, which stands +*hugs tightly* An honyouwabwe twiaw. +CWEOPATWA. So Fuwvia t-towd *blushes* me. +I p-pwithee tuwn aside and weep uWu fow UwU hew; +Then bid adieu to me, and say the *looks at you* teaws +Bewong to Egypt. Good uWu nyow, pway onye scenye +Of excewwent dissembwing, and w-wet :3 it wook +>_< Wike pewfect honyouw. +*giggles shyly* ANTONY. You'ww heat my bwood; nyo mowe. +CWEOPATWA. You can do bettew yet; but this *twerks* is meetwy. +ANTONY. Nyow, by my >_> swowd- +CWEOPATWA. And tawget. Stiww he mends; +But t-this is ^w^ nyot the b-best. Wook, pwithee, Chawmian, +How this Hewcuwean W-Woman does become +The cawwiage of his chafe. +ANTONY. xDD I'ww *teleports behind you* weave you, w-wady. +CWEOPATWA. Couwteous w-wowd, *blushes* onye :33 wowd. +Siw, you and I *blushes* must pawt- but that's nyot :3 it. +Siw, y-you and I have wov'd- b-but thewe's nyot *looks at you* it. +That >w< you knyow weww. Something it is I-I wouwd- +O, my obwivion is a vewy Antony, +And I am aww fowgotten! +ANTONY. But t-that youw woyawty +Howds *screams* idwenyess y-youw subject, I s-shouwd take *cries* you +Fow idwenyess itsewf. +CWEOPATWA. 'Tis s-sweating wabouw +To beaw such idwenyess so nyeaw *sweats* the heawt +A-As *giggles shyly* Cweopatwa this. But, siw, f-fowgive me; +:33 Since m-my b-becomings kiww me w-when they do nyot +Eye w-weww :33 to you. Youw honyouw cawws you hence; +Thewefowe be deaf *pokes you* to my unpitied fowwy, +And *cuddles you* aww *shuffles closer* the *looks at you* gods go with you! Upon ^w^ youw swowd +*hugs tightly* Sit wauwew victowy, and s-smooth success +Be stwew'd befowe youw feet! +ANTONY. Wet us go. Come. +Ouw sepawation so abides and f-fwies +That thou, wesiding hewe, goes yet *shuffles closer* with me, +And I-I, hence fweeting, hewe :33 wemain with t-thee. +Away! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE I-IV. +*sighs* Wome. CAESAW'S h-house + +Entew *looks away* OCTAVIUS CAESAW, weading a wettew; WEPIDUS, and theiw twain + +CAESAW. You may OwO see, Wepidus, and hencefowth knyow, +It i-is nyot C-Caesaw's nyatuwaw vice to hate +Ouw gweat competitow. Fwom A-Awexandwia +This is the nyews: he fishes, dwinks, a-and wastes +*sighs* The w-wamps *looks at you* of nyight in wevew; is *notices bulge* nyot mowe manwike +*leans over* Than Cweopatwa, n-nyow ^-^ the queen of Ptowemy +Mowe *notices bulge* womanwy than he; *moans* hawdwy gave ^w^ audience, *looks away* ow +Vouchsaf'd to think h-he had pawtnyews. You OwO shaww >_> find thewe +A-A man who is the abstwact o-of *moans* aww fauwts +T-That aww men *hugs tightly* fowwow. +W-WEPIDUS. I must nyot think thewe a-awe +Eviws enyow to dawken aww his goodnyess. +His f-fauwts, in him, seem as the spots of heaven, +Mowe fiewy by nyight's bwacknyess; heweditawy +Wathew than puwchas'd; what he cannyot change +Than what he chooses. +C-CAESAW. You a-awe too ^.^ induwgent. Wet's gwant i-it is n-nyot +Amiss to tumbwe on the bed of Ptowemy, +To give a *twerks* kingdom fow a miwth, to sit +And keep the tuwn of *blushes* tippwing with a swave, +To weew the stweets a-at nyoon, and stand t-the buffet +With knyaves that smeww of >_> sweat. Say this becomes *cuddles you* him- +As h-his composuwe *notices bulge* must be w-wawe indeed +Whom these things cannyot bwemish- yet m-must *teleports behind you* Antony +N-Nyo *hugs tightly* way >_> excuse his foiws when we do ^w^ beaw +So gweat weight in his wightnyess. If he fiww'd +His vacancy *looks at you* with his v-vowuptuousnyess, +Fuww *pokes you* suwfeits and the dwynyess of his ;;w;; bonyes +Caww on him fow't! But to confound such time +That dwums him fwom h-his spowt and speaks as woud +As his own state and ouws- 'tis to be ^-^ chid +As *cuddles you* we wate boys w-who, being matuwe in knyowwedge, +*looks at you* Pawn theiw expewience to *looks at you* theiw pwesent p-pweasuwe, +And so webew *looks away* to *twerks* judgment. + +Entew a MESSENGEW + +W-WEPIDUS. Hewe's mowe nyews. +MESSENGEW. Thy *blushes* biddings *leans over* have been donye; a-and evewy houw, +Most nyobwe Caesaw, shawt thou *sweats* have wepowt +How 'tis abwoad. Pompey is xDD stwong at sea, +And it *twerks* appeaws h-he is b-bewov'd of ;;w;; those +>_> That o-onwy have feaw'd Caesaw. T-To t-the powts +The discontents wepaiw, and men's wepowts +Give him m-much wwong'd. +*hugs tightly* CAESAW. I shouwd have x3 knyown nyo >w< wess. +It hath ;;w;; been taught *sighs* us fwom t-the ^.^ pwimaw state +That he which i-is was wish'd untiw he wewe; +*sighs* And the e-ebb'd man, :33 nye'ew w-wov'd tiww :3 nye'ew wowth wove, +C-Comes deaw'd by being wack'd. This common body, +Wike *moans* to a vagabond fwag upon t-the stweam, +Goes to >w< and back, w-wackeying the v-vawying tide, +To w-wot itsewf ;;w;; with m-motion. +MESSENGEW. Caesaw, I bwing thee *moans* wowd +Menyecwates and M-Menyas, famous piwates, +Make the sea sewve them, *sighs* which x3 they eaw a-and *hugs tightly* wound +*pokes you* With >_> keews of evewy kind. Many hot inwoads +*sweats* They make in Itawy; t-the bowdews mawitime +Wack bwood to think on't, and fwush youth wevowt. +:33 Nyo vessew c-can peep fowth but 'tis as soon +Taken as seen; *looks at you* fow Pompey's n-nyame stwikes *looks away* mowe +T-Than couwd h-his *sighs* waw wesisted. +CAESAW. Antony, +Weave thy wascivious wassaiws. W-When ^-^ thou o-once +*screams* Was *twerks* beaten fwom Modenya, whewe :3 thou swew'st +Hiwtius and OwO Pansa, consuws, at thy heew +Did faminye fowwow; whom thou fought'st against, +Though daintiwy bwought up, *looks at you* with patience mowe +Than savages couwd *twerks* suffew. Thou d-didst dwink +The stawe of h-howses a-and the giwded puddwe +Which beasts wouwd cough at. Thy pawate then did deign +The woughest bewwy on the wudest h-hedge; +Yea, >_> wike *sweats* the stag when snyow the *hugs tightly* pastuwe *hugs tightly* sheets, +The bawks of twees thou bwows'd. On the Awps +:33 It ^.^ is wepowted thou didst eat stwange f-fwesh, +Which some did d-die to w-wook o-on. *moans* And aww t-this- +It wounds thinye honyouw that I s-speak i-it nyow- +Was bownye s-so wike a sowdiew t-that ^-^ thy cheek +So much as *looks at you* wank'd nyot. +WEPIDUS. 'Tis pity of him. +CAESAW. Wet his shames quickwy +Dwive him to Wome. 'Tis t-time :3 we twain +Did show o-ouwsewves i-i' th' f-fiewd; UwU and to that end +Assembwe w-we *teleports behind you* immediate counciw. OwO Pompey +Thwives in ouw uWu idwenyess. +W-WEPIDUS. To-mowwow, Caesaw, +I shaww b-be ^w^ fuwnyish'd t-to :3 infowm you wightwy +Both what by sea and wand I-I *sweats* can be abwe +To fwont this p-pwesent time. +CAESAW. T-Tiww which encountew +It *pokes you* is my businyess too. UwU Faweweww. +WEPIDUS. Faweweww, my wowd. What you shaww knyow m-meantime +Of *moans* stiws abwoad, I shaww beseech you, siw, +To wet me be pawtakew. +CAESAW. Doubt nyot, siw; +I knyew it f-fow my bond. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +A-Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace + +Entew CWEOPATWA, CHAWMIAN, IWAS, and MAWDIAN + +CWEOPATWA. Chawmian! +CHAWMIAN. M-Madam? +CWEOPATWA. H-Ha, ha! +Give me to dwink mandwagowa. +CHAWMIAN. W-Why, madam? +CWEOPATWA. That I might sweep out *moans* this *sweats* gweat gap of time +My Antony is a-away. +CHAWMIAN. You *cuddles you* think of h-him too much. +C-CWEOPATWA. *looks at you* O, *screams* 'tis uWu tweason! +CHAWMIAN. Madam, I twust, >_> nyot so. +CWEOPATWA. Thou, eunyuch x3 Mawdian! +*shuffles closer* MAWDIAN. What's youw Highnyess' pweasuwe? +CWEOPATWA. Nyot uWu nyow to heaw thee *sighs* sing; I take nyo p-pweasuwe +I-In *moans* aught an eunyuch has. 'Tis weww fow thee +That, being unseminyaw'd, *looks away* thy fweew thoughts +May uWu nyot fwy fowth of Egypt. *sweats* Hast thou affections? +MAWDIAN. Yes, gwacious madam. +uWu CWEOPATWA. Indeed? +MAWDIAN. Nyot in deed, *sighs* madam; f-fow I can d-do nyothing +But *moans* what indeed is honyest t-to b-be donye. +Yet have I fiewce affections, and think +What Venyus did with Maws. +CWEOPATWA. O Chawmian, +W-Whewe think'st thou he *sighs* is nyow? Stands he ow s-sits h-he? +*moans* Ow does he *twerks* wawk? ow is he o-on his howse? +O happy howse, to beaw the w-weight o-of Antony! +*pokes you* Do bwavewy, howse; fow wot'st thou whom thou mov'st? +:3 The d-demi-Atwas of this eawth, the awm +And buwgonyet of men. He's speaking >_< nyow, +Ow muwmuwing 'Whewe's my sewpent of owd N-Nyiwe?' +Fow so he *cries* cawws me. Nyow I feed mysewf +With m-most d-dewicious poison. Think on m-me, +That am with Phoebus' amowous pinches UwU bwack, +And w-wwinkwed deep in time? Bwoad-fwonted Caesaw, +When thou wast hewe above the gwound, I was +*giggles shyly* A mowsew fow a *pokes you* monyawch; *screams* and gweat Pompey +^-^ Wouwd stand and make h-his eyes gwow in my bwow; +T-Thewe w-wouwd he anchow ^.^ his a-aspect and die +W-With wooking on his wife. + +Entew x3 AWEXAS + +AWEXAS. Soveweign of Egypt, h-haiw! +CWEOPATWA. H-How *teleports behind you* much unwike a-awt thou Mawk Antony! +^-^ Yet, c-coming fwom *blushes* him, that g-gweat med'cinye hath +With his *blushes* tinct giwded thee. +How goes *moans* it with my bwave Mawk Antony? +AWEXAS. Wast thing *pokes you* he did, deaw Q-Queen, +He kiss'd- t-the wast o-of *screams* many doubwed kisses- +This owient peaww. His speech sticks in my heawt. +CWEOPATWA. Minye x3 eaw must p-pwuck i-it thence. +AWEXAS. 'Good fwiend,' quoth h-he +'Say t-the *blushes* fiwm W-Woman to gweat Egypt s-sends +T-This *moans* tweasuwe of an oystew; at whose foot, +To mend the OwO petty pwesent, I wiww piece +Hew *cries* opuwent :33 thwonye with kingdoms. Aww the East, +xDD Say thou, shaww caww h-hew mistwess.' So he nyodded, +And sobewwy UwU did mount a-an awm-gaunt steed, +Who nyeigh'd so high that what I wouwd have spoke +Was beastwy dumb'd *hugs tightly* by him. +CWEOPATWA. *hugs tightly* What, w-was he sad ow mewwy? +AWEXAS. Wike >_< to the time o' th' yeaw between t-the extwemes +Of *hugs tightly* hot and cowd; he *blushes* was nyow sad nyow :33 mewwy. +CWEOPATWA. O weww-divided disposition! Nyote him, +Nyote him, good Chawmian; *shuffles closer* 'tis the man; but nyote him! +OwO He was nyot sad, *pokes you* fow he ^w^ wouwd shinye o-on those +That make theiw wooks by his; he was n-nyot mewwy, +Which seem'd to teww them *shuffles closer* his *screams* wemembwance w-way +*leans over* In Egypt with his UwU joy; *twerks* but between both. +O heavenwy :33 mingwe! Be'st *teleports behind you* thou sad *teleports behind you* ow mewwy, +T-The viowence of eithew thee becomes, +*moans* So does it nyo man ewse. Met'st *cries* thou my posts? +AWEXAS. Ay, madam, twenty sevewaw messengews. +Why do you send so thick? +CWEOPATWA. Who's b-bown that day +*looks at you* When I fowget to send to Antony +Shaww die a beggaw. Ink and >_> papew, Chawmian. +Wewcome, my good Awexas. Did *teleports behind you* I, Chawmian, +*notices bulge* Evew wove Caesaw so? +CHAWMIAN. O that bwave Caesaw! +CWEOPATWA. Be chok'd with such anyothew emphasis! +Say >w< 'the bwave *teleports behind you* Antony.' +*pokes you* CHAWMIAN. *blushes* The vawiant C-Caesaw! +CWEOPATWA. By I-Isis, I wiww *pokes you* give thee bwoody t-teeth +If thou with Caesaw pawagon again +My man o-of men. +CHAWMIAN. By youw most gwacious pawdon, +I sing but *blushes* aftew you. +CWEOPATWA. My sawad days, +When I w-was g-gween in judgment, cowd i-in bwood, +To say as *looks at you* I *looks away* said xDD then. But come, away! +G-Get me i-ink and papew. +He shaww have evewy *leans over* day a sevewaw gweeting, +Ow *twerks* I'ww unpeopwe Egypt. Exeunt + + + +<> + + + + +ACT II. *blushes* SCENyE I. +>_> Messinya. P-POMPEY'S house + +Entew POMPEY, MENyECWATES, and MENyAS, in wawwike mannyew + +POMPEY. ^w^ If the *looks away* gweat gods *hugs tightly* be just, they s-shaww assist +The deeds of justest men. +MENyECWATES. Knyow, wowthy Pompey, +That what *hugs tightly* they do deway they nyot deny. +P-POMPEY. Whiwes we awe >_> suitows to *teleports behind you* theiw thwonye, decays +:3 The thing we sue fow. +MENyECWATES. We, ignyowant of ouwsewves, +Beg often ouw own hawms, UwU which the wise OwO pow'ws +Deny us f-fow ouw good; so f-find we pwofit +By wosing of ouw pwayews. +POMPEY. *teleports behind you* I *hugs tightly* shaww do weww. +T-The peopwe *leans over* wove me, and the s-sea *looks away* is minye; +^w^ My *notices bulge* powews awe cwescent, and my auguwing h-hope +Says it wiww come *looks away* to th' fuww. Mawk A-Antony +*screams* In Egypt sits at dinnyew, and wiww make +Nyo waws without doows. Caesaw gets *notices bulge* monyey whewe +H-He :3 woses heawts. Wepidus f-fwattews b-both, +Of both is fwattew'd; :33 but he nyeithew woves, +Nyow eithew cawes fow h-him. +MENyAS. Caesaw *looks at you* and Wepidus +Awe *blushes* in the fiewd. A mighty stwength they cawwy. +POMPEY. *shuffles closer* Whewe have you this? *shuffles closer* 'Tis fawse. +MENyAS. Fwom Siwvius, siw. +POMPEY. *blushes* He dweams. I-I knyow they awe in Wome togethew, +^w^ Wooking f-fow Antony. But aww the chawms of wove, +Sawt Cweopatwa, s-soften thy wan'd wip! +Wet witchcwaft >w< join with beauty, wust with both; +*sweats* Tie >_< up UwU the wibewtinye in a fiewd of *looks at you* feasts, +Keep his bwain fuming. Epicuwean c-cooks +Shawpen with cwoywess sauce his a-appetite, +That sweep and f-feeding >_> may pwowogue his honyouw +Even tiww OwO a Wethe'd d-duwwnyess- + +Entew *sighs* VAWWIUS + +How *giggles shyly* nyow, Vawwius! +VAWWIUS. This is most cewtain *looks away* that *teleports behind you* I shaww uWu dewivew: +*giggles shyly* Mawk Antony is evewy houw *sighs* in OwO Wome +Expected. Since he *giggles shyly* went fwom Egypt 'tis +A *shuffles closer* space fow uWu fawthew twavew. +POMPEY. I couwd have g-given wess mattew +A b-bettew *pokes you* eaw. M-Menyas, I did nyot *sweats* think +This amowous suwfeitew wouwd have d-donn'd his *looks at you* hewm +F-Fow such a *pokes you* petty waw; *notices bulge* his sowdiewship +Is twice the >_< othew t-twain. But *cuddles you* wet us w-weaw +The highew ouw opinyion, t-that ouw stiwwing +Can fwom the wap of Egypt's w-widow pwuck +The nye'ew-wust-weawied Antony. +MENyAS. I-I c-cannyot hope +C-Caesaw and Antony shaww weww gweet t-togethew. +His wife xDD that's d-dead did twespasses to Caesaw; +His bwothew w-waww'd ^w^ upon him; awthough, I think, +Nyot m-mov'd by Antony. +*teleports behind you* POMPEY. I knyow nyot, Menyas, +*pokes you* How wessew enmities may give way *sweats* to gweatew. +Wewe't n-nyot that we s-stand up against *hugs tightly* them aww, +'Twewe pwegnyant >_< they shouwd ^.^ squawe between themsewves; +Fow t-they have entewtainyed cause enyough +To *giggles shyly* dwaw theiw swowds. But how the feaw *cries* of us +May *moans* cement theiw d-divisions, xDD and :33 bind up +The petty :3 diffewence we yet nyot knyow. +Be't as ouw gods wiww have't! It onwy *blushes* stands +^w^ Ouw wives upon to use ouw stwongest hands. +Come, Menyas. *cuddles you* Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Wome. The h-house of WEPIDUS + +Entew ENyOBAWBUS and *leans over* WEPIDUS + +*hugs tightly* WEPIDUS. Good Enyobawbus, '-'tis a-a wowthy deed, +And shaww become you weww, to entweat youw captain +To soft and gentwe *screams* speech. +ENyOBAWBUS. I-I shaww entweat h-him +To answew wike h-himsewf. If Caesaw m-move him, +Wet Antony wook ovew Caesaw's head +And speak as woud as Maws. By Jupitew, +Wewe I the weawew of *teleports behind you* Antonyius' beawd, +>w< I wouwd nyot s-shave't to-day. +WEPIDUS. 'Tis nyot a time +Fow pwivate stomaching. +*twerks* ENyOBAWBUS. Evewy t-time +Sewves fow the mattew that is then *looks at you* bown in't. +*looks away* WEPIDUS. But smaww to gweatew m-mattews must give way. +ENyOBAWBUS. Nyot i-if *leans over* the smaww come fiwst. +WEPIDUS. Youw speech is ^w^ passion; +But pway you s-stiw nyo embews u-up. Hewe comes +The :33 nyobwe Antony. + +E-Entew ANTONY a-and VENTIDIUS + +ENyOBAWBUS. A-And yondew, *looks away* Caesaw. + +Entew CAESAW, MAECENyAS, and AGWIPPA + +ANTONY. If we compose weww hewe, to Pawthia. +Hawk, Ventidius. +CAESAW. I-I *moans* do nyot *looks at you* knyow, Maecenyas. Ask A-Agwippa. +WEPIDUS. Nyobwe fwiends, +That w-which combin'd us was most gweat, and :33 wet nyot +^w^ A weanyew action wend us. *hugs tightly* What's ;;w;; amiss, +May it be gentwy heawd. When *twerks* we >w< debate +Ouw twiviaw diffewence ^w^ woud, we do UwU commit +Muwdew in heawing w-wounds. Then, nyobwe p-pawtnyews, +The wathew fow *screams* I eawnyestwy beseech, +Touch you *teleports behind you* the s-souwest points with sweetest *twerks* tewms, +Nyow cuwstnyess gwow t-to th' mattew. +ANTONY. 'Tis spoken weww. +Wewe we *sighs* befowe ouw awinyies, and to fight, +I shouwd d-do thus. *hugs tightly* [Fwouwish] +>w< CAESAW. Wewcome to Wome. +ANTONY. UwU Thank you. +CAESAW. Sit. +ANTONY. Sit, siw. +:33 CAESAW. Nyay, t-then. [They s-sit] +ANTONY. I w-weawn y-you take things iww >_< which ;;w;; awe nyot so, +Ow being, *teleports behind you* concewn you *pokes you* nyot. +CAESAW. I must be waugh'd at +If, ow fow *teleports behind you* nyothing ow a wittwe, +Shouwd say mysewf offended, and with you +Chiefwy i-i' the wowwd; m-mowe waugh'd a-at that I shouwd +Once nyame you dewogatewy when to sound *leans over* youw nyame +It nyot concewn'd me. +ANTONY. *leans over* My *twerks* being in Egypt, Caesaw, +What was't to ^-^ you? +CAESAW. Nyo mowe than my wesiding hewe at Wome +Might be to you in >_< Egypt. >w< Yet, if you thewe +Did p-pwactise on my state, youw being *sighs* in Egypt +Might be my *cries* question. +ANTONY. How intend *screams* you- p-pwactis'd? +CAESAW. You may be pweas'd to catch at minye intent +By what did hewe befaww me. Y-Youw wife and bwothew +Made waws *pokes you* upon me, a-and theiw contestation +Was theme fow you; y-you wewe *sighs* the wowd of waw. +ANTONY. You do *moans* mistake youw businyess; my *hugs tightly* bwothew nyevew +Did uwge me *teleports behind you* in his act. I did inquiwe i-it, +And have my *moans* weawnying fwom some *screams* twue *notices bulge* wepowts +UwU That dwew theiw swowds with you. Did he nyot wathew +Discwedit m-my authowity with youws, +^-^ And m-make the waws awike against my x3 stomach, +Having *hugs tightly* awike youw c-cause? Of this m-my wettews +Befowe did satisfy you. If you'ww patch *shuffles closer* a quawwew, +As mattew whowe you *blushes* have nyot to m-make it with, +*giggles shyly* It must n-nyot be with this. +x3 CAESAW. You p-pwaise youwsewf +By w-waying defects of judgment *cuddles you* to me; *teleports behind you* but +*blushes* You patch'd up youw *cuddles you* excuses. +ANTONY. Nyot so, nyot so; +I knyow you couwd nyot wack, I am *shuffles closer* cewtain on't, +Vewy nyecessity of t-this *hugs tightly* thought, that I, +Youw pawtnyew *pokes you* in the ^.^ cause 'gainst which he fought, +Couwd nyot *blushes* with gwacefuw *twerks* eyes attend those waws +Which fwonted m-minye own peace. As f-fow my wife, +I *cuddles you* wouwd x3 you had hew spiwit *pokes you* in such a-anyothew! +The t-thiwd o' th' wowwd is y-youws, w-which with a snyaffwe +You *twerks* may p-pace easy, b-but nyot s-such a wife. +ENyOBAWBUS. Wouwd we had aww *giggles shyly* such wives, that the men might go to +waws with the women! +A-ANTONY. So much uncuwbabwe, hew g-gawboiws, Caesaw, +Made out of hew impatience- w-which nyot wanted +*leans over* Shwewdnyess *sweats* of powicy *blushes* too- I gwieving UwU gwant +Did you too much *hugs tightly* disquiet. Fow that you uWu must +OwO But say I couwd nyot hewp it. +CAESAW. I :33 wwote to you +When wioting in Awexandwia; *twerks* you +Did p-pocket u-up my *hugs tightly* wettews, and with taunts +Did gibe my missive out of audience. +ANTONY. Siw, +He feww u-upon m-me ewe admitted. Then +*pokes you* Thwee *twerks* kings I had nyewwy feasted, and did want +Of w-what I w-was i' th' m-mownying; but nyext day +I towd him of mysewf, which was as much +A-As to have ask'd him pawdon. *twerks* Wet t-this fewwow +B-Be nyothing of ouw stwife; *notices bulge* if uWu we contend, +Out *blushes* of ouw *notices bulge* question wipe him. +CAESAW. You have bwoken +*hugs tightly* The awticwe ^-^ of youw oath, which you shaww nyevew +H-Have tongue *notices bulge* to chawge me w-with. +WEPIDUS. uWu Soft, Caesaw! +ANTONY. Nyo; +Wepidus, wet him speak. +The honyouw is sacwed which he ^-^ tawks on nyow, +Supposing *sweats* that I wack'd it. But o-on, Caesaw: +T-The awticwe of my oath- +C-CAESAW. To wend me awms and *screams* aid when I-I wequiw'd *shuffles closer* them, +The which you b-both denyied. +ANTONY. *hugs tightly* Nyegwected, wathew; +And t-then when poisonyed houws *looks at you* had bound me *sweats* up +Fwom minye own knyowwedge. As n-nyeawwy as I m-may, +I'ww ^.^ pway the penyitent to you; but minye honyesty +Shaww nyot make poow my gweatnyess, nyow my >_> powew +Wowk *sighs* without it. Twuth is, *twerks* that Fuwvia, +T-To have me out of Egypt, made waws *sighs* hewe; +F-Fow which mysewf, the ignyowant motive, *moans* do +So faw ask pawdon as befits *sighs* minye honyouw +To stoop in such a case. +WEPIDUS. 'Tis nyobwe >_< spoken. +M-MAECENyAS. I-If *pokes you* it *leans over* might pwease you to e-enfowce nyo fuwthew +The gwiefs between ye- to fowget them quite +Wewe to wemembew that t-the *looks away* pwesent *sighs* nyeed +Speaks to atonye you. +WEPIDUS. :3 Wowthiwy spoken, Maecenyas. +ENyOBAWBUS. Ow, i-if y-you bowwow onye anyothew's w-wove f-fow t-the instant, +>_< you *screams* may, when you heaw nyo mowe wowds of ^w^ Pompey, wetuwn i-it a-again. +*twerks* You shaww have time to w-wwangwe in when you have nyothing ewse to +do. +ANTONY. T-Thou awt a *leans over* sowdiew onwy. Speak nyo :3 mowe. +*giggles shyly* ENyOBAWBUS. That xDD twuth shouwd be ^.^ siwent *shuffles closer* I *blushes* had a-awmost fowgot. +ANTONY. You *pokes you* wwong this p-pwesence; thewefowe speak n-nyo mowe. +*notices bulge* ENyOBAWBUS. Go to, then- youw *giggles shyly* considewate >w< stonye! +CAESAW. I xDD do *looks at you* nyot much uWu diswike the m-mattew, but +The mannyew of his speech; fow't cannyot be +We shaww wemain in fwiendship, ^.^ ouw *cuddles you* conditions +So diff'wing in theiw acts. *hugs tightly* Yet if I k-knyew +What hoop shouwd howd us s-stanch, fwom edge to ^-^ edge +O-O' th' wowwd, I w-wouwd puwsue it. +AGWIPPA. Give m-me >_< weave, Caesaw. +CAESAW. *teleports behind you* Speak, Agwippa. +A-AGWIPPA. Thou hast a sistew b-by the mothew's *cuddles you* side, +Admiw'd O-Octavia. Gweat M-Mawk A-Antony +Is x3 nyow a ;;w;; widowew. +CAESAW. Say nyot so, *cries* Agwippa. +If :3 Cweopatwa *leans over* heawd you, youw w-wepwoof +^-^ Wewe weww desewv'd of washnyess. +ANTONY. I am *giggles shyly* nyot mawwied, Caesaw. Wet me heaw +Agwippa fuwthew speak. +AGWIPPA. >w< To howd y-you in pewpetuaw amity, +To make you bwothews, a-and to k-knyit y-youw h-heawts +With an unswipping knyot, take A-Antony +Octavia to h-his wife; w-whose beauty cwaims +Nyo w-wowse a-a husband than the b-best of men; +Whose viwtue a-and w-whose g-genyewaw ;;w;; gwaces speak +That which nyonye ewse can uttew. B-By this mawwiage +Aww :33 wittwe jeawousies, which nyow seem gweat, +And aww OwO gweat feaws, w-which nyow i-impowt theiw dangews, +*cuddles you* Wouwd then b-be :33 nyothing. T-Twuths wouwd b-be tawes, +Whewe n-nyow hawf tawes b-be twuths. Hew >w< wove to both +Wouwd each ^.^ to o-othew, and aww woves *moans* to *shuffles closer* both, +Dwaw aftew hew. *sweats* Pawdon what I have spoke; +Fow 'tis a studied, nyot a pwesent thought, +By duty wuminyated. +ANTONY. W-Wiww C-Caesaw speak? +CAESAW. Nyot tiww he heaws how Antony is touch'd +W-With w-what is ^.^ spoke a-awweady. +ANTONY. *moans* What p-powew i-is in Agwippa, +If I wouwd say 'Agwippa, b-be it so,' +^.^ To make this good? +C-CAESAW. The powew of Caesaw, OwO and +;;w;; His powew unto Octavia. +ANTONY. May I nyevew +T-To this good puwpose, that so faiwwy shows, +Dweam of impediment! Wet me have thy h-hand. +Fuwthew this act o-of gwace; *sighs* and fwom t-this houw +The *looks away* heawt o-of bwothews govewn *pokes you* in ouw woves +And ;;w;; sway ouw gweat designs! +CAESAW. Thewe is my hand. +A *twerks* sistew I bequeath you, whom nyo ^w^ bwothew +Did e-evew wove so *sighs* deawwy. Wet *looks at you* hew wive +To j-join ouw kingdoms *notices bulge* and o-ouw heawts; x3 and *cuddles you* nyevew +Fwy off ouw woves again! +WEPIDUS. Happiwy, amen! +ANTONY. I did nyot think to dwaw m-my *hugs tightly* swowd 'gainst Pompey; +Fow he h-hath waid stwange couwtesies and gweat +Of wate upon m-me. I *moans* must thank h-him o-onwy, +West my wemembwance s-suffew >_< iww wepowt; +At heew of that, d-defy him. +WEPIDUS. Time cawws upon's. +O-Of us must Pompey *shuffles closer* pwesentwy be sought, +Ow *blushes* ewse he seeks out us. +ANTONY. Whewe wies he? +CAESAW. *pokes you* About the Mount Misenyum. +ANTONY. What is *pokes you* his stwength by wand? +CAESAW. G-Gweat a-and incweasing; but by sea +He is an a-absowute mastew. +*cuddles you* ANTONY. So is the fame. +Wouwd w-we h-had s-spoke togethew! Haste we fow *hugs tightly* it. +Yet, *cuddles you* ewe we *hugs tightly* put o-ouwsewves in awms, dispatch we +T-The b-businyess w-we h-have tawk'd o-of. +CAESAW. UwU With most gwadnyess; +And do invite *looks at you* you to my sistew's view, +Whithew stwaight I'ww w-wead *teleports behind you* you. +ANTONY. Wet us, x3 Wepidus, +N-Nyot >w< wack youw company. +WEPIDUS. *sweats* Nyobwe Antony, +Nyot sicknyess shouwd detain me. [Fwouwish] +Exeunt aww but *giggles shyly* ENyOBAWBUS, AGWIPPA, MAECENyAS +MAECENyAS. Wewcome fwom Egypt, siw. +ENyOBAWBUS. Hawf t-the heawt of Caesaw, wowthy Maecenyas! My honyouwabwe +*leans over* fwiend, Agwippa! +AGWIPPA. *looks away* Good E-Enyobawbus! +MAECENyAS. We have cause to b-be g-gwad t-that mattews awe so weww +digested. Y-You stay'd >_> weww by't in Egypt. +ENyOBAWBUS. Ay, siw; we d-did s-sweep day out xDD of countenyance a-and >w< made +the nyight wight with dwinking. +MAECENyAS. *hugs tightly* Eight w-wiwd *hugs tightly* boaws w-woasted *hugs tightly* whowe at >_< a b-bweakfast, and but +twewve pewsons thewe. Is t-this t-twue? +*hugs tightly* ENyOBAWBUS. T-This *looks away* was but *sweats* as a *leans over* fwy by a-an eagwe. We had much mowe +monstwous mattew of *hugs tightly* feast, which wowthiwy desewved nyoting. +MAECENyAS. She's a most *notices bulge* twiumphant *moans* wady, if w-wepowt be squawe to hew. +ENyOBAWBUS. When she fiwst met Mawk Antony she puws'd up his h-heawt, +*notices bulge* upon the wivew of Cydnyus. +AGWIPPA. Thewe she appeaw'd indeed! Ow m-my wepowtew *twerks* devis'd weww f-fow +hew. +ENyOBAWBUS. I wiww *leans over* teww y-you. +The bawge s-she sat in, wike *sighs* a buwnyish'd thwonye, +:33 Buwn'd *cuddles you* on the watew. The poop was beaten gowd; +Puwpwe the *twerks* saiws, and so pewfumed that +The winds wewe wove-sick *twerks* with t-them; the UwU oaws wewe siwvew, +Which to *moans* the tunye of xDD fwutes k-kept stwoke, and made +The watew which *blushes* they b-beat to fowwow fastew, +As amowous of UwU theiw *shuffles closer* stwokes. Fow hew o-own :3 pewson, +It beggaw'd aww descwiption. She did wie +In hew paviwion, cwoth-of-gowd, of t-tissue, +O'ewpictuwing *shuffles closer* that Venyus whewe we see +The fancy out-wowk *looks at you* nyatuwe. On each side hew +Stood pwetty dimpwed boys, wike s-smiwing Cupids, +With divews-cowouw'd fans, whose wind did *cries* seem +To gwow UwU the dewicate cheeks w-which they did coow, +And what :33 they undid did. +AGWIPPA. O, wawe fow Antony! +ENyOBAWBUS. *cries* Hew gentwewomen, >_< wike t-the Nyeweides, +So many m-mewmaids, tended hew i' th' *shuffles closer* eyes, +And made t-theiw bends uWu adownyings. At the hewm +A seeming mewmaid steews. The siwken tackwe +S-Sweww with the touches *sighs* of t-those :33 fwowew-soft hands +That yawewy fwame the uWu office. F-Fwom t-the bawge +A *twerks* stwange invisibwe pewfume hits the sense +Of the adjacent whawfs. The city cast +Hew p-peopwe out upon hew; a-and Antony, +Enthwon'd i' th' mawket-pwace, d-did sit awonye, +Whistwing t-to th' aiw; which, but fow vacancy, +Had gonye to gaze xDD on *teleports behind you* Cweopatwa t-too, +And made a-a gap in nyatuwe. +AGWIPPA. Wawe Egyptian! +ENyOBAWBUS. Upon *blushes* hew wanding, Antony sent to hew, +Invited hew to suppew. She wepwied +It shouwd *hugs tightly* be bettew he b-became hew guest; +Which she entweated. Ouw couwteous Antony, +*blushes* Whom nye'ew the wowd of 'Nyo' UwU woman heawd speak, +*sweats* Being bawbew'd ten times o'ew, goes t-to the feast, +And fow his o-owdinyawy pays his heawt +Fow ^.^ what ^-^ his eyes *screams* eat onwy. +AGWIPPA. Woyaw wench! +She made gweat Caesaw way his swowd to bed. +*teleports behind you* He *notices bulge* pwoughed hew, and she cwopp'd. +ENyOBAWBUS. I-I saw hew once +H-Hop fowty p-paces *notices bulge* thwough the pubwic stweet; +And, >w< having wost hew bweath, she spoke, >w< and panted, +That ^.^ she did make defect p-pewfection, +A-And, bweathwess, *blushes* pow'w bweathe ;;w;; fowth. +MAECENyAS. Nyow Antony m-must weave hew uttewwy. +ENyOBAWBUS. Nyevew! He wiww nyot. +Age cannyot ;;w;; withew hew, nyow custom s-stawe +Hew infinyite vawiety. Othew w-women cwoy +The appetites they feed, but she makes hungwy +Whewe >_< most she satisfies; *pokes you* fow v-viwest things +Become themsewves in hew, that t-the howy pwiests +Bwess hew w-when she is wiggish. +MAECENyAS. If beauty, wisdom, modesty, can settwe +>w< The heawt o-of Antony, Octavia is +A *blushes* bwessed wottewy to him. +AGWIPPA. Wet us go. +Good Enyobawbus, make youwsewf my guest +Whiwst you abide hewe. +ENyOBAWBUS. Humbwy, siw, I thank y-you. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +*hugs tightly* Wome. CAESAW'S *twerks* house + +Entew ANTONY, CAESAW, OCTAVIA between them + +ANTONY. T-The wowwd and my gweat o-office wiww sometimes +Divide me fwom youw bosom. +O-OCTAVIA. Aww which time +Befowe *screams* the gods m-my knyee *looks away* shaww bow my pwayews +To them fow you. +ANTONY. Good nyight, siw. My O-Octavia, +Wead nyot my *giggles shyly* bwemishes in the wowwd's wepowt. +I h-have nyot kept my squawe; but that to *shuffles closer* come +:3 Shaww aww be donye by t-th' wuwe. Good nyight, deaw wady. +OCTAVIA. Good nyight, s-siw. +CAESAW. G-Good nyight. Exeunt CAESAW and OCTAVIA + +Entew SOOTHSAYEW + +ANTONY. Nyow, siwwah, you d-do wish youwsewf in Egypt? +*moans* SOOTHSAYEW. OwO Wouwd I had nyevew come fwom thence, nyow you t-thithew! +ANTONY. *leans over* If you can- y-youw weason. +SOOTHSAYEW. I see it i-in my motion, have it nyot in ^.^ my tongue; but +yet hie you to Egypt *screams* again. +A-ANTONY. Say to me, +Whose fowtunyes shaww wise highew, Caesaw's ow m-minye? +SOOTHSAYEW. Caesaw's. +Thewefowe, *notices bulge* O Antony, stay nyot by his side. +*hugs tightly* Thy daemon, that uWu thy s-spiwit which keeps t-thee, is +Nyobwe, couwageous, h-high, unmatchabwe, +Whewe C-Caesaw's is nyot; but nyeaw him thy angew +Becomes a feaw, as being o'ewpow'w'd. Thewefowe +Make space enyough between you. +ANTONY. Speak this nyo mowe. +SOOTHSAYEW. To nyonye but thee; nyo mowe but w-when to thee. +I-If thou dost pway with him at a-any game, +T-Thou awt suwe to wose; and of that n-nyatuwaw >_< wuck +He beats ^.^ thee 'gainst the odds. Thy wustwe thickens +When he s-shinyes by. I-I say again, thy spiwit +Is aww afwaid to govewn thee nyeaw him; +But, he away, 'tis nyobwe. +A-ANTONY. Get thee gonye. +*sweats* Say to Ventidius I wouwd speak with him. +Exit SOOTHSAYEW +x3 He shaww to Pawthia.- *shuffles closer* Be it awt ow hap, +He hath spoken twue. The vewy dice *looks at you* obey him; +And i-in ouw spowts my bettew cunnying faints +U-Undew his chance. If we dwaw wots, h-he s-speeds; +His cocks do w-win the battwe stiww of minye, +When it *sighs* is aww to n-nyought, a-and >_> his quaiws evew +Beat ;;w;; minye, :3 inhoop'd, at odds. I w-wiww to Egypt; +And though I m-make this UwU mawwiage *shuffles closer* fow m-my UwU peace, +I-I' th' East m-my p-pweasuwe wies. + +*looks at you* Entew VENTIDIUS + +O, come, Ventidius, +You ;;w;; must to Pawthia. Youw commission's weady; +F-Fowwow me UwU and weceive't. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE IV. +Wome. A stweet + +Entew WEPIDUS, MAECENyAS, and AGWIPPA + +WEPIDUS. Twoubwe youwsewves *moans* nyo fuwthew. Pway you hasten +Youw genyewaws aftew. +AGWIPPA. Siw, Mawk Antony +Wiww e'en but k-kiss Octavia, and w-we'ww fowwow. +WEPIDUS. Tiww I *sighs* shaww see you in youw s-sowdiew's dwess, +Which wiww become you both, *looks away* faweweww. +MAECENyAS. We shaww, +As I >_< conceive the jouwnyey, be :33 at th' Mount +Befowe you, Wepidus. +WEPIDUS. Youw *blushes* way is showtew; +My puwposes do dwaw me much about. +Y-You'ww win two days upon me. +BOTH. *looks at you* Siw, good *looks at you* success! +WEPIDUS. Faweweww. *looks away* Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +xDD Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace + +*looks at you* Entew C-CWEOPATWA, CHAWMIAN, I-IWAS, and A-AWEXAS + +CWEOPATWA. Give me some music- music, moody food +*teleports behind you* Of *looks away* us that twade in wove. +AWW. T-The music, ho! + +E-Entew MAWDIAN the eunyuch + +C-CWEOPATWA. Wet it awonye! Wet's to ;;w;; biwwiawds. Come, Chawmian. +CHAWMIAN. *blushes* My awm is sowe; best pway with Mawdian. +CWEOPATWA. *pokes you* As weww a woman with an eunyuch pway'd +As w-with a w-woman. Come, you'ww pway w-with me, OwO siw? +M-MAWDIAN. As weww as I can, madam. +CWEOPATWA. A-And when good wiww is show'd, though't come too showt, +*sweats* The actow may pwead ^.^ pawdon. I'ww nyonye n-nyow. +Give me minye angwe- we'ww to th' wivew. Thewe, +M-My music pwaying f-faw *blushes* off, I wiww betway +Tawny-finn'd fishes; my *cuddles you* bended hook shaww piewce +Theiw *twerks* swimy jaws; and UwU as I dwaw t-them up +*sighs* I'ww think t-them >_< evewy onye an Antony, +And say 'Ah ha! Y'awe caught.' +CHAWMIAN. 'Twas m-mewwy when +You w-wagew'd on youw angwing; when youw divew +x3 Did hang *leans over* a UwU sawt fish on his hook, which he +With fewvency dwew up. +CWEOPATWA. That time? O t-times +I waughed him out of patience; and that nyight +I-I *moans* waugh'd h-him into *sweats* patience; *giggles shyly* and nyext *cries* mown, +*sighs* Ewe the ^w^ nyinth h-houw, I-I x3 dwunk him to his bed, +Then *moans* put my tiwes *pokes you* and mantwes on him, whiwst +I w-wowe his swowd Phiwippan. + +*giggles shyly* Entew a MESSENGEW + +O! fwom Itawy? +Wam thou t-thy fwuitfuw t-tidings i-in minye eaws, +That w-wong time have been uWu bawwen. +MESSENGEW. Madam, madam- +CWEOPATWA. Antony's dead! *hugs tightly* If thou say so, *sweats* viwwain, +Thou *twerks* kiww'st thy mistwess; but weww and fwee, +If thou uWu so yiewd him, t-thewe is gowd, *twerks* and hewe +My bwuest veins ^w^ to kiss- a-a hand that kings +H-Have w-wipp'd, and twembwed kissing. +MESSENGEW. Fiwst, madam, he is weww. +*teleports behind you* CWEOPATWA. Why, thewe's mowe gowd. +But, s-siwwah, *cries* mawk, *looks at you* we use +To say the dead awe *looks at you* weww. B-Bwing it to that, +The gowd I give thee ^.^ wiww I mewt and pouw +Down thy iww-uttewing >_< thwoat. +M-MESSENGEW. Good madam, heaw me. +CWEOPATWA. Weww, go to, I wiww. +But thewe's nyo goodnyess in thy face. If Antony +Be fwee and *shuffles closer* heawthfuw- why so tawt OwO a favouw +To twumpet s-such good tidings? If nyot w-weww, +Thou shouwdst come wike a *cuddles you* Fuwy c-cwown'd with snyakes, +Nyot *pokes you* wike a fowmaw *shuffles closer* man. +M-MESSENGEW. Wiww't >_< pwease you heaw me? +CWEOPATWA. I have :3 a mind to stwike thee ewe *giggles shyly* thou speak'st. +Yet, if thou s-say A-Antony *teleports behind you* wives, is weww, +Ow fwiends with Caesaw, uWu ow nyot captive to him, +*screams* I'ww set thee in *moans* a showew o-of x3 gowd, and haiw +Wich peawws upon thee. +MESSENGEW. Madam, he's weww. +CWEOPATWA. *sighs* Weww xDD said. +MESSENGEW. And fwiends w-with C-Caesaw. +*blushes* CWEOPATWA. Th'awt an honyest man. +MESSENGEW. Caesaw *leans over* and he awe gweatew f-fwiends than evew. +CWEOPATWA. *looks away* Make thee a f-fowtunye fwom me. +:3 MESSENGEW. But yet, madam- +*sighs* CWEOPATWA. I do *teleports behind you* nyot wike 'but yet.' It does awway +>_> The *hugs tightly* good pwecedence; fie upon 'but yet'! +OwO 'But yet' is OwO as a gaowew t-to bwing *twerks* fowth +Some monstwous mawefactow. Pwithee, fwiend, +*giggles shyly* Pouw *teleports behind you* out *moans* the pack of mattew to minye eaw, +*giggles shyly* The good and bad togethew. *notices bulge* He's fwiends with Caesaw; +In state of heawth, thou say'st; and, thou s-say'st, fwee. +MESSENGEW. Fwee, *looks away* madam! Nyo; I m-made nyo such w-wepowt. +He's bound unto Octavia. +CWEOPATWA. F-Fow what g-good *giggles shyly* tuwn? +MESSENGEW. Fow the best *leans over* tuwn i' th' bed. +CWEOPATWA. *notices bulge* I *looks at you* am pawe, *teleports behind you* Chawmian. +MESSENGEW. Madam, he's mawwied to Octavia. +CWEOPATWA. T-The most infectious pestiwence upon *giggles shyly* thee! +[Stwikes him d-down] +MESSENGEW. G-Good madam, *sighs* patience. +CWEOPATWA. What say y-you? Hence, [-[Stwikes him] +*twerks* Howwibwe viwwain! ow I'ww spuwn t-thinye *teleports behind you* eyes +Wike b-bawws befowe me; I'ww unhaiw thy h-head; +[-[She hawes h-him up *moans* and down] +Thou shawt be whipp'd with wiwe a-and stew'd in *teleports behind you* bwinye, +Smawting in wing'wing pickwe. +MESSENGEW. Gwacious madam, +I that d-do bwing t-the nyews made *cuddles you* nyot the match. +CWEOPATWA. Say 'tis *twerks* nyot so, a pwovince *leans over* I w-wiww give thee, +And make thy *pokes you* fowtunyes pwoud. The >w< bwow thou hadst +*cries* Shaww m-make thy peace fow moving *notices bulge* me to wage; +And I wiww boot :33 thee with what >_> gift beside +Thy modesty can beg. +MESSENGEW. He's mawwied, *twerks* madam. +CWEOPATWA. Wogue, thou hast w-wiv'd too uWu wong. [-[Dwaws a knyife] +MESSENGEW. Nyay, then I'ww wun. +What mean y-you, madam? I *moans* have made nyo fauwt. Exit +CHAWMIAN. Good >_< madam, *pokes you* keep youwsewf within youwsewf: +The man >w< is innyocent. +CWEOPATWA. Some innyocents scape n-nyot the thundewbowt. +Mewt Egypt into Nyiwe! and kindwy cweatuwes +T-Tuwn a-aww *leans over* to sewpents! Caww the ^.^ swave again. +Though I am m-mad, I-I wiww nyot :3 bite him. Caww! +C-CHAWMIAN. xDD He is afeaw'd to come. +CWEOPATWA. *looks at you* I wiww n-nyot ^-^ huwt him. +^w^ These *notices bulge* hands do wack nyobiwity, that they stwike +A meanyew than mysewf; since I mysewf +Have given mysewf the cause. + +E-Entew the MESSENGEW again + +Come hithew, siw. +T-Though it *screams* be honyest, it is nyevew g-good +To bwing bad nyews. Give :3 to a-a :33 gwacious message +:33 An host of tongues; ^-^ but wet iww tidings teww +Themsewves when t-they be f-fewt. +>_< MESSENGEW. I have donye *moans* my duty. +CWEOPATWA. Is he mawwied? +I cannyot :33 hate thee wowsew *looks away* than I do +>_< If thou again say 'Yes.' +M-MESSENGEW. He's mawwied, madam. +CWEOPATWA. The g-gods confound thee! Dost thou howd thewe *notices bulge* stiww? +MESSENGEW. Shouwd I wie, madam? +CWEOPATWA. O, *leans over* I wouwd thou didst, +So hawf my Egypt wewe submewg'd and made +A cistewn fow scaw'd s-snyakes! G-Go, g-get t-thee hence. +H-Hadst thou *cuddles you* Nyawcissus in thy face, to m-me +Thou wouwdst appeaw *blushes* most ugwy. He is mawwied? +M-MESSENGEW. I cwave youw Highnyess' pawdon. +CWEOPATWA. *screams* He *looks at you* is >_> mawwied? +MESSENGEW. Take nyo UwU offence that I wouwd nyot offend you; +To punyish m-me fow *sweats* what you make me d-do +Seems much unyequaw. He's mawwied to *looks at you* Octavia. +CWEOPATWA. O, t-that his f-fauwt shouwd make a k-knyave of thee +OwO That a-awt nyot what th'awt suwe OwO of! Get thee hence. +The mewchandise which thou h-hast bwought fwom Wome +uWu Awe a-aww too deaw fow m-me. Wie they upon t-thy hand, +And be undonye by 'em! Exit MESSENGEW +CHAWMIAN. ^w^ Good youw Highnyess, patience. +CWEOPATWA. >w< In p-pwaising Antony I h-have dispwais'd *screams* Caesaw. +CHAWMIAN. Many times, madam. +C-CWEOPATWA. I am paid *pokes you* fow't nyow. Wead me fwom hence, +I faint. O Iwas, Chawmian! ^-^ 'Tis nyo mattew. +*pokes you* Go to t-the fewwow, good Awexas; bid him +Wepowt the featuwe of Octavia, hew yeaws, +>_< Hew incwinyation; wet h-him nyot *sweats* weave out +The cowouw of hew haiw. *leans over* Bwing me wowd quickwy. +Exit AWEXAS +Wet him fow evew go- wet him nyot, *notices bulge* Chawmian- +Though he be painted onye way w-wike a Gowgon, +The othew way's a Maws. [To MAWDIAN] +Bid you Awexas +Bwing me wowd h-how taww she is.- P-Pity me, Chawmian, +But do nyot speak to me. W-Wead me to my chambew. ^w^ Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE VI. +N-Nyeaw M-Misenyum + +Fwouwish. E-Entew POMPEY and MENyAS at onye doow, with dwum ^.^ and twumpet; +at anyothew, CAESAW, ^.^ ANTONY, WEPIDUS, ENyOBAWBUS, MAECENyAS, AGWIPPA, +^-^ with sowdiews mawching + +POMPEY. Youw UwU hostages I have, so have *sighs* you minye; +And we shaww tawk befowe we fight. +CAESAW. Most meet +That fiwst we c-come to wowds; and thewefowe have we +Ouw w-wwitten puwposes befowe u-us sent; +Which if t-thou hast considewed, wet us knyow +^w^ If 'twiww *looks away* tie up t-thy discontented swowd +And cawwy back to Siciwy *shuffles closer* much *twerks* taww youth +That ewse must pewish hewe. +POMPEY. To ^-^ you aww *leans over* thwee, +T-The senyatows awonye of this gweat *blushes* wowwd, +Chief factows fow the g-gods: xDD I do nyot knyow +*notices bulge* Whewefowe *sighs* my fathew shouwd wevengews *sweats* want, +Having a-a son and fwiends, since Juwius Caesaw, +*cries* Who at P-Phiwippi the good B-Bwutus ghosted, +Thewe saw OwO you wabouwing *giggles shyly* fow him. What was't +That mov'd pawe Cassius to conspiwe? and w-what +Made the aww-honyouw'd honyest ;;w;; Woman, Bwutus, +With the awm'd west, couwtiews of beauteous fweedom, +To dwench the Capitow, b-but that they wouwd +*notices bulge* Have onye man ;;w;; but a m-man? And that is it +Hath made *shuffles closer* me wig my nyavy, x3 at whose buwden +The angew'd ocean foams; with w-which I meant +To scouwge t-th' ingwatitude t-that despitefuw Wome +Cast on my nyobwe fathew. +CAESAW. Take youw time. +ANTONY. Thou canst nyot feaw u-us, Pompey, with thy saiws; +We'ww speak UwU with thee at sea; at ^w^ wand thou knyow'st +How much we do uWu o'ew-count thee. +P-POMPEY. At wand, indeed, +*giggles shyly* Thou dost o'ew-count me of my fathew's house. +B-But *twerks* since the cuckoo xDD buiwds nyot fow himsewf, +Wemain *shuffles closer* in't as thou mayst. +WEPIDUS. Be pweas'd t-to teww uWu us- +Fow t-this *sweats* is :33 fwom the ^w^ pwesent- how you take +The o-offews we have s-sent you. +CAESAW. *looks away* Thewe's the point. +ANTONY. Which do ;;w;; nyot be entweated to, b-but weigh +What it is wowth embwac'd. +CAESAW. And what may *looks away* fowwow, +To twy a wawgew *teleports behind you* fowtunye. +POMPEY. You have made me offew +Of Siciwy, Sawdinyia; and I must +Wid aww the sea *looks at you* of piwates; then to send +Measuwes of wheat to Wome; this 'gweed upon, +To pawt with unhack'd e-edges and beaw back +Ouw tawges undinted. +AWW. That's uWu ouw offew. +POMPEY. Knyow, *notices bulge* then, +I-I came befowe you hewe a man pwepaw'd +T-To take this :33 offew; but Mawk Antony +Put m-me to some impatience. *giggles shyly* Though I wose +The pwaise of it *moans* by >_< tewwing, you must knyow, +When *shuffles closer* Caesaw and youw bwothew wewe at OwO bwows, +^.^ Youw mothew came to Siciwy and did find +Hew wewcome fwiendwy. +ANTONY. I have heawd ^.^ it, Pompey, +*sighs* And am weww *giggles shyly* studied fow a wibewaw t-thanks +Which I *cries* do owe you. +P-POMPEY. Wet me have youw hand. +I-I did nyot think, siw, to *leans over* have m-met you hewe. +*screams* ANTONY. T-The b-beds i' th' East awe s-soft; and t-thanks to y-you, +That caww'd >w< me timewiew than m-my *hugs tightly* puwpose *shuffles closer* hithew; +Fow I have gainyed by't. +CAESAW. S-Since I saw you wast +Thewe is a *screams* change u-upon y-you. +POMPEY. Weww, I-I *cries* knyow nyot +What counts hawsh fowtunye :3 casts upon my face; +But in my b-bosom ^.^ shaww she nyevew OwO come +To make my heawt h-hew *pokes you* vassaw. +WEPIDUS. Weww UwU met hewe. +POMPEY. I hope so, Wepidus. Thus we awe agweed. +I cwave ouw composition may be wwitten, +And seaw'd between u-us. +CAESAW. That's the nyext :33 to *moans* do. +UwU POMPEY. We'ww feast *cries* each othew ewe :3 we pawt, and wet's +D-Dwaw *teleports behind you* wots who shaww begin. +ANTONY. That wiww I, uWu Pompey. +POMPEY. Nyo, Antony, take the wot; +But, fiwst ow w-wast, ^w^ youw finye :3 Egyptian cookewy +Shaww have the fame. I have heawd t-that J-Juwius Caesaw +Gwew fat with feasting thewe. +ANTONY. You have heawd much. +P-POMPEY. I have faiw meanyings, siw. +ANTONY. And faiw wowds to them. +POMPEY. Then so ;;w;; much have I *leans over* heawd; +And I-I >_< have heawd Apowwodowus *leans over* cawwied- +*looks away* ENyOBAWBUS. N-Nyo *giggles shyly* mowe of that! He *twerks* did x3 so. +POMPEY. W-What, I pway *screams* you? +ENyOBAWBUS. A cewtain queen to C-Caesaw in a-a mattwess. +POMPEY. I-I knyow thee nyow. How faw'st thou, sowdiew? +ENyOBAWBUS. Weww; +And weww am wike to do, f-fow I pewceive +F-Fouw feasts awe towawd. +POMPEY. Wet me shake *leans over* thy hand. +I *moans* nyevew hated thee; I have seen thee fight, +When I have envied thy b-behaviouw. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. S-Siw, +I *cries* nyevew wov'd you >_< much; but >w< I ha' pwais'd ye +When you have *moans* weww d-desewv'd ten times as ;;w;; much +As I have said *notices bulge* you uWu did. +POMPEY. Enjoy thy pwainnyess; +*shuffles closer* It nyothing iww becomes thee. +Aboawd my g-gawwey I invite you aww. +Wiww you w-wead, wowds? +AWW. Show's the *notices bulge* way, siw. +POMPEY. *screams* Come. Exeunt a-aww but ^-^ ENyOBAWBUS and M-MENyAS +MENyAS. [Aside] *giggles shyly* Thy fathew, Pompey, *twerks* wouwd nye'ew have made this +tweaty.- You *hugs tightly* and *teleports behind you* I have knyown, siw. +E-ENyOBAWBUS. At *looks at you* sea, I t-think. +MENyAS. We have, siw. +ENyOBAWBUS. You have donye *looks at you* weww by watew. +MENyAS. And you by *notices bulge* wand. +ENyOBAWBUS. I Wiww pwaise any m-man that *cries* wiww p-pwaise me; though *cries* it +cannyot be denyied what I have donye by w-wand. +x3 MENyAS. Nyow >w< what I h-have donye by watew. +ENyOBAWBUS. Yes, something you can deny fow *teleports behind you* youw own safety: you +have b-been a gweat thief b-by sea. +MENyAS. And you by wand. +ENyOBAWBUS. Thewe I deny m-my w-wand >_> sewvice. But give me youw h-hand, +*looks away* Menyas; if ouw eyes *giggles shyly* had authowity, *moans* hewe they might take two +thieves kissing. +MENyAS. *screams* Aww men's faces awe *cuddles you* twue, xDD whatsome'ew theiw hands a-awe. +E-ENyOBAWBUS. But thewe i-is nyevew a *giggles shyly* faiw woman has a twue *looks at you* face. +MENyAS. Nyo s-swandew: t-they steaw heawts. +ENyOBAWBUS. We ;;w;; came hithew to *teleports behind you* fight with you. +MENyAS. Fow my pawt, I a-am sowwy it is t-tuwn'd to a dwinking. +Pompey doth this day waugh away his fowtunye. +ENyOBAWBUS. If he do, suwe he cannyot weep't back again. +MENyAS. Y'have *teleports behind you* said, *teleports behind you* siw. *pokes you* We wook'd nyot fow Mawk A-Antony hewe. Pway +you, is he mawwied to Cweopatwa? +ENyOBAWBUS. C-Caesaw' sistew is caww'd Octavia. +M-MENyAS. Twue, siw; she was the wife of Caius Mawcewwus. +ENyOBAWBUS. But she ^w^ is nyow the w-wife of *giggles shyly* Mawcus A-Antonyius. +MENyAS. Pway y-ye, siw? +ENyOBAWBUS. 'Tis t-twue. +MENyAS. Then is Caesaw and xDD he fow evew knyit togethew. +ENyOBAWBUS. If I wewe bound to d-divinye of ^.^ this OwO unyity, I OwO wouwd nyot +pwophesy so. +MENyAS. I t-think the p-powicy o-of that puwpose *pokes you* made mowe in t-the mawwiage +than the wove uWu of the *moans* pawties. +ENyOBAWBUS. I ^.^ think so too. But you s-shaww xDD find the band that seems +to tie theiw fwiendship togethew wiww be the vewy s-stwangwew of +theiw amity: Octavia is of a howy, cowd, x3 and stiww convewsation. +MENyAS. Who wouwd nyot h-have his wife so? +ENyOBAWBUS. Nyot he that himsewf OwO is n-nyot so; w-which is Mawk ^.^ Antony. He +wiww to his Egyptian d-dish again; then shaww the sighs of *cuddles you* Octavia +bwow the *pokes you* fiwe up i-in C-Caesaw, and, as I said befowe, that which is +the stwength *sweats* of theiw amity shaww pwove the immediate authow :3 of +t-theiw v-vawiance. Antony wiww use his affection whewe it is; he +m-mawwied but his occasion *cuddles you* hewe. +MENyAS. And thus it may be. Come, *teleports behind you* siw, wiww y-you aboawd? I have a +*blushes* heawth fow y-you. +ENyOBAWBUS. I *moans* shaww take it, siw. :33 We have us'd ouw thwoats in Egypt. +MENyAS. Come, wet's away. Exeunt + +*pokes you* ACT_2|SC_7 +S-SCENyE VII. +On b-boawd POMPEY'S gawwey, off Misenyum + +Music >w< pways. Entew two ow thwee SEWVANTS with a banquet + +FIWST SEWVANT. *notices bulge* Hewe they'ww *cuddles you* be, man. Some o' *sighs* theiw pwants awe +iww-wooted awweady; the weast uWu wind i-i' th' wowwd wiww bwow them +down. +SECOND SEWVANT. Wepidus i-is high-cowouw'd. +FIWST x3 SEWVANT. They have made him dwink awms-dwink. +SECOND SEWVANT. ^.^ As they pinch :3 onye anyothew by the disposition, *blushes* he +cwies out '-'Nyo mowe!'; weconciwes them to his entweaty and himsewf +to th' dwink. +FIWST *screams* SEWVANT. But it >w< waises the g-gweatew waw between him a-and *twerks* his +discwetion. +SECOND SEWVANT. Why, this >w< it i-is to have *moans* a n-nyame in gweat men's +fewwowship. I-I had a-as w-wief xDD have a weed that wiww do *notices bulge* me nyo sewvice +^-^ as a pawtizan I couwd nyot ^w^ heave. +FIWST SEWVANT. *shuffles closer* To b-be caww'd *notices bulge* into a-a huge ^-^ sphewe, and nyot :33 to be seen +to *looks away* move in't, awe the howes whewe eyes shouwd *sighs* be, which *blushes* pitifuwwy +disastew the ^.^ cheeks. + +A sennyet sounded. *notices bulge* Entew CAESAW, ANTONY, WEPIDUS, +OwO POMPEY, AGWIPPA, MAECENyAS, ENyOBAWBUS, MENyAS, +*sighs* with *sweats* othew CAPTAINS + +ANTONY. [-[To C-CAESAW] Thus do t-they, siw: they take t-the fwow o' th' +Nyiwe +x3 By cewtain scawes i-i' t-th' pywamid; they *giggles shyly* knyow +*moans* By th' height, *looks at you* the wownyess, ow the mean, if *giggles shyly* deawth +Ow foison fowwow. The *cuddles you* highew Nyiwus swewws +*looks away* The mowe i-it pwomises; as it ebbs, *cries* the seedsman +*notices bulge* Upon the swime a-and ooze scattews his gwain, +And showtwy comes to hawvest. +WEPIDUS. Y'have *cuddles you* stwange sewpents thewe. +A-ANTONY. Ay, *cries* Wepidus. +WEPIDUS. ^w^ Youw sewpent of Egypt is bwed nyow of youw mud b-by the +opewation of youw sun; so x3 is youw cwocodiwe. +ANTONY. T-They awe so. +POMPEY. Sit- *blushes* and s-some winye! A-A heawth to Wepidus! +WEPIDUS. I am nyot so weww as I-I shouwd be, but I'ww nye'ew out. +ENyOBAWBUS. Nyot tiww you have x3 swept. I f-feaw me y-you'ww be in tiww +then. +W-WEPIDUS. Nyay, cewtainwy, *notices bulge* I ^-^ have >w< heawd the Ptowemies' pywamises a-awe +vewy goodwy things. Without contwadiction *screams* I have ^-^ heawd that. +MENyAS. [Aside to P-POMPEY] Pompey, a wowd. +POMPEY. [Aside to MENyAS] Say OwO in minye eaw; what i-is't? +MENyAS. [Aside to *notices bulge* POMPEY] UwU Fowsake thy seat, I-I do beseech thee, +UwU Captain, +And heaw me speak a wowd. +POMPEY. *hugs tightly* [ Whispews in's eaw ^.^ ] F-Fowbeaw m-me tiww anyon- +*sighs* This winye f-fow Wepidus! +WEPIDUS. What mannyew o' thing is youw cwocodiwe? +ANTONY. It is :33 shap'd, *looks away* siw, wike *teleports behind you* itsewf, and it is as *notices bulge* bwoad as it +hath :3 bweadth; it is just so *leans over* high as UwU it is, and moves with i-it own +owgans. It wives by ^-^ that which nyouwisheth it, and *pokes you* the ewements +once o-out of it, it twansmigwates. +WEPIDUS. What cowouw ^.^ is it of? +ANTONY. Of it own cowouw too. +WEPIDUS. 'Tis a stwange sewpent. +ANTONY. *giggles shyly* 'Tis *cries* so. :33 And *giggles shyly* the *cuddles you* teaws of it awe wet. +C-CAESAW. W-Wiww this descwiption *teleports behind you* satisfy him? +ANTONY. With the heawth that Pompey gives him, ewse he is a vewy +epicuwe. +POMPEY. [-[Aside t-to MENyAS] Go, hang, siw, hang! Teww me of that! +^w^ Away! +Do as I bid *looks away* you.- Whewe's this cup I caww'd fow? +MENyAS. [Aside to POMPEY] *leans over* If fow the sake of mewit t-thou w-wiwt heaw +me, +Wise fwom thy stoow. +POMPEY. [Aside *cries* to MENyAS] I-I think th'awt mad. [Wises *screams* and w-wawks +aside] The mattew? +MENyAS. I have evew hewd my *sighs* cap off to thy *twerks* fowtunyes. +POMPEY. Thou hast *twerks* sewv'd me w-with much faith. What's *blushes* ewse to say?- +Be jowwy, wowds. +ANTONY. These quicksands, W-Wepidus, +Keep off uWu them, fow you sink. +MENyAS. W-Wiwt thou >_< be OwO wowd of a-aww the *sweats* wowwd? +P-POMPEY. What say'st x3 thou? +MENyAS. *sighs* Wiwt thou be wowd of the w-whowe wowwd? That's twice. +POMPEY. How shouwd that be? +MENyAS. But >_< entewtain i-it, +And *moans* though you think m-me poow, I am the man +Wiww g-give ^w^ thee aww the wowwd. +POMPEY. Hast t-thou *blushes* dwunk weww? +M-MENyAS. Nyo, Pompey, I have kept me fwom the cup. +*moans* Thou awt, if thou *blushes* daw'st be, the eawthwy Jove; +UwU Whate'ew the ocean pawes o-ow ^.^ sky i-incwips +Is thinye, if t-thou wiwt h-ha't. +POMPEY. Show m-me which :33 way. +MENyAS. *cuddles you* These thwee wowwd-shawews, these competitows, +Awe in thy vessew. Wet m-me OwO cut the cabwe; +And when we awe put off, f-faww t-to theiw thwoats. +Aww t-thewe is thinye. +P-POMPEY. Ah, this thou *hugs tightly* shouwdst have donye, +And nyot *pokes you* have s-spoke on't. In me 'tis viwwainy: +In t-thee't had been good sewvice. *cries* Thou must knyow +'Tis nyot my pwofit that does wead minye honyouw: +Minye honyouw, it. >_< Wepent that e'ew thy uWu tongue +Hath so betway'd thinye act. Being donye unknyown, +I s-shouwd have found i-it aftewwawds weww donye, +But must *notices bulge* condemn it nyow. D-Desist, *hugs tightly* and d-dwink. +MENyAS. [Aside] Fow *cuddles you* this, +I'ww nyevew fowwow thy paww'd f-fowtunyes mowe. +Who seeks, and w-wiww nyot take when once 'tis offew'd, +S-Shaww nyevew *hugs tightly* find OwO it mowe. +POMPEY. This h-heawth to Wepidus! +ANTONY. Beaw him *cuddles you* ashowe. I'ww uWu pwedge :33 it f-fow ^.^ him, Pompey. +ENyOBAWBUS. H-Hewe's *looks away* to thee, Menyas! +MENyAS. Enyobawbus, wewcome! +POMPEY. Fiww tiww *looks at you* the *hugs tightly* cup b-be hid. +ENyOBAWBUS. Thewe's a stwong f-fewwow, Menyas. +[Pointing to the sewvant *hugs tightly* who cawwies off xDD WEPIDUS] +MENyAS. Why? +ENyOBAWBUS. 'A beaws the thiwd pawt o-of the wowwd, man; see'st *screams* nyot? +MENyAS. The thiwd p-pawt, then, is :33 dwunk. *sweats* Wouwd it wewe a-aww, +That it might go on w-wheews! +ENyOBAWBUS. Dwink thou; incwease the w-weews. +MENyAS. Come. +POMPEY. This *leans over* is n-nyot yet an Awexandwian feast. +ANTONY. It wipens towawds it. Stwike t-the vessews, ho! +Hewe's to Caesaw! +C-CAESAW. I couwd weww fowbeaw't. +OwO It's monstwous w-wabouw when I-I w-wash my ^-^ bwain +And OwO it gwows fouwew. +ANTONY. Be a c-chiwd o-o' *leans over* th' time. +*pokes you* CAESAW. Possess it, I'ww make answew. +But I had wathew fast fwom aww fouw *pokes you* days +Than OwO dwink so much *cuddles you* in onye. +ENyOBAWBUS. [To ANTONY] Ha, my >_> bwave empewow! +*looks at you* Shaww we dance ^-^ nyow the Egyptian Bacchanyaws +And *shuffles closer* cewebwate ouw dwink? +POMPEY. Wet's ha't, good s-sowdiew. +ANTONY. Come, wet's aww take x3 hands, +Tiww *notices bulge* that the conquewing :3 winye hath steep'd ouw sense +In soft and dewicate W-Wethe. +ENyOBAWBUS. Aww take uWu hands. +Make battewy to ouw eaws w-with t-the woud music, +The whiwe I'ww OwO pwace you; then the boy shaww s-sing; +The h-howding evewy man shaww b-beaw as woud +As his stwong sides can vowwey. +[Music pways. *moans* ENyOBAWBUS pwaces them hand in hand] + +THE SONG +Come, thou monyawch of the x3 vinye, +Pwumpy Bacchus :3 with pink e-eynye! +In t-thy fats o-ouw OwO cawes be dwown'd, +With thy gwapes ouw haiws be cwown'd. +Cup us tiww the wowwd go wound, +Cup *moans* us tiww the wowwd go wound! + +C-CAESAW. What wouwd *cries* you mowe? Pompey, good n-nyight. Good bwothew, +Wet me wequest you off; ouw gwavew businyess +Fwowns at ^w^ this wevity. Gentwe wowds, wet's UwU pawt; +*pokes you* You see we ^-^ have buwnt UwU ouw cheeks. ^-^ Stwong Enyobawb +Is weakew than the winye, and minye own *looks at you* tongue +Spwits what it speaks. The wiwd disguise hath awmost +A-Antick'd *giggles shyly* us aww. What nyeeds mowe wowds? ^-^ Good nyight. +*hugs tightly* Good Antony, youw hand. +POMPEY. I'ww twy you on the showe. +ANTONY. And shaww, siw. Give's youw h-hand. +P-POMPEY. O-O Antony, +You h-have my fathew's *shuffles closer* house- but what? We awe *pokes you* fwiends. +Come, down into the b-boat. +ENyOBAWBUS. T-Take heed you faww nyot. +Exeunt aww but ENyOBAWBUS and MENyAS +Menyas, I'ww nyot o-on showe. +MENyAS. Nyo, to *looks away* my cabin. +These dwums! these twumpets, ^.^ fwutes! what! +Wet Nyeptunye heaw w-we bid a w-woud faweweww +*blushes* To these gweat fewwows. Sound and be hang'd, sound out! +;;w;; [Sound a f-fwouwish, uWu with dwums] +ENyOBAWBUS. >_< Hoo! says 'a. Thewe's my cap. +M-MENyAS. Hoo! Nyobwe Captain, come. Exeunt +ACT_3|SC_1 +ACT III. SCENyE *cuddles you* I. +A p-pwain in Sywia + +E-Entew VENTIDIUS, *teleports behind you* as it wewe *screams* in t-twiumph, with SIWIUS +and othew Womans, OFFICEWS and sowdiews; the dead body +of PACOWUS bownye befowe him + +VENTIDIUS. *notices bulge* Nyow, dawting Pawthia, awt thou stwuck, and *looks at you* nyow +Pweas'd fowtunye does of *screams* Mawcus Cwassus' death +Make me wevengew. B-Beaw the King's son's body +Befowe o-ouw awmy. Thy Pacowus, Owodes, +Pays t-this fow >_< Mawcus Cwassus. +SIWIUS. Nyobwe Ventidius, +Whiwst yet with Pawthian bwood thy swowd is wawm +The fugitive Pawthians fowwow; spuw t-thwough Media, +Mesopotamia, *teleports behind you* and the shewtews whithew +The wouted fwy. So thy gwand captain, Antony, +Shaww set thee on twiumphant chawiots and +Put gawwands on thy head. +VENTIDIUS. O Siwius, Siwius, +I have donye enyough. A w-wowew pwace, *screams* nyote weww, +May x3 make too >w< gweat a-an a-act; *twerks* fow weawn this, Siwius: +Bettew to weave undonye than by ouw deed +Acquiwe too high a fame when h-him >_> we sewve's a-away. +^-^ Caesaw and Antony h-have evew won +*leans over* Mowe in theiw officew, than pewson. Sossius, +Onye of my pwace i-in Sywia, his wieutenyant, +Fow quick accumuwation of wenyown, +Which he achiev'd UwU by th' minyute, wost his favouw. +Who does i' th' waws mowe than his captain can +Becomes his captain's captain; and ambition, +The sowdiew's viwtue, wathew makes choice of woss +>w< Than gain which dawkens him. +I ^w^ couwd do mowe t-to do Antonyius good, +But 'twouwd offend him; and i-in his *screams* offence +Shouwd my pewfowmance *teleports behind you* pewish. +S-SIWIUS. T-Thou :33 hast, Ventidius, that +Without the which *pokes you* a sowdiew and his swowd +G-Gwants scawce distinction. Thou wiwt wwite *cries* to Antony? +V-VENTIDIUS. I'ww humbwy signyify ^w^ what in his *cries* nyame, +That magicaw w-wowd of waw, we have effected; +How, w-with his bannyews, and his :33 weww-paid wanks, +The nye'ew-yet-beaten howse *notices bulge* of Pawthia +We have *screams* jaded out o' th' fiewd. +x3 SIWIUS. Whewe is he n-nyow? +VENTIDIUS. He puwposeth to Athens; whithew, with what haste +The weight we must convey w-with's w-wiww pewmit, +We shaww appeaw befowe him.- O-On, *giggles shyly* thewe; pass x3 awong. +Exeunt + +ACT_3|SC_2 +SCENyE II. Wome. C-CAESAW'S *sweats* house + +Entew AGWIPPA at *blushes* onye doow, ENyOBAWBUS *leans over* at a-anyothew + +^.^ AGWIPPA. What, awe the bwothews pawted? +ENyOBAWBUS. They have dispatch'd w-with Pompey; he is gonye; +The *twerks* othew thwee awe >w< seawing. *leans over* Octavia weeps +To :3 pawt fwom W-Wome; Caesaw is sad; and Wepidus, +Since Pompey's feast, as *leans over* Menyas says, is >w< twoubwed +With the *shuffles closer* gween sicknyess. +AGWIPPA. 'Tis *sweats* a nyobwe Wepidus. +ENyOBAWBUS. A vewy ^.^ finye onye. O-O, *cuddles you* how he woves Caesaw! +A-AGWIPPA. Nyay, but ^w^ how deawwy he adowes Mawk A-Antony! +E-ENyOBAWBUS. Caesaw? Why h-he's the x3 Jupitew o-of men. +*looks away* AGWIPPA. What's Antony? The god *teleports behind you* of J-Jupitew. +ENyOBAWBUS. Spake you o-of C-Caesaw? *twerks* How! the nyonpaweiw! +AGWIPPA. O, Antony! >w< O thou Awabian b-biwd! +ENyOBAWBUS. Wouwd you pwaise *teleports behind you* Caesaw, say 'Caesaw'- go nyo fuwthew. +AGWIPPA. Indeed, he x3 pwied them both *cries* with excewwent pwaises. +^.^ ENyOBAWBUS. But he woves Caesaw best. Yet he woves Antony. +*looks at you* Hoo! heawts, tongues, *looks at you* figuwes, *blushes* scwibes, bawds, poets, xDD cannyot +Think, speak, cast, wwite, sing, nyumbew- hoo!- +His wove to Antony. But a-as fow Caesaw, +>_> Knyeew down, *moans* knyeew down, and wondew. +AGWIPPA. Both h-he >_< woves. +ENyOBAWBUS. They a-awe his shawds, and he theiw beetwe. [Twumpets +within] So- +This is to howse. Adieu, nyobwe ;;w;; Agwippa. +AGWIPPA. *hugs tightly* Good fowtunye, wowthy sowdiew, and faweweww. + +Entew CAESAW, ANTONY, WEPIDUS, and OCTAVIA + +ANTONY. Nyo f-fuwthew, siw. +*sweats* CAESAW. Y-You take *hugs tightly* fwom me a gweat pawt of mysewf; +Use me weww in't. *notices bulge* Sistew, *leans over* pwove such a wife +*shuffles closer* As my t-thoughts make thee, a-and a-as *sighs* my fawthest band +Shaww ^.^ pass on thy appwoof. Most nyobwe uWu Antony, +Wet n-nyot the piece o-of viwtue which is set +Betwixt us as the cement of ouw w-wove +*shuffles closer* To k-keep it buiwded be the *leans over* wam to *cries* battew +The fowtwess of it; fow >_> bettew might we +Have wov'd without ;;w;; this mean, if on both pawts +This be nyot c-chewish'd. +ANTONY. Make me nyot offended +In youw distwust. +CAESAW. I have said. +ANTONY. You shaww n-nyot find, +Though you be thewein *sweats* cuwious, the w-weast cause +Fow what you seem to feaw. So the gods keep you, +And UwU make the heawts of Womans sewve ^.^ youw ends! +We wiww hewe pawt. +CAESAW. Faweweww, x3 my *leans over* deawest sistew, fawe thee weww. +The *notices bulge* ewements be *sighs* kind to thee and make +Thy s-spiwits aww of comfowt! Fawe thee *shuffles closer* weww. +OCTAVIA. My n-nyobwe *looks away* bwothew! +ANTONY. The Apwiw's in hew eyes. It *notices bulge* is *sweats* wove's s-spwing, +And these the s-showews to bwing *blushes* it on. Be cheewfuw. +OCTAVIA. Siw, wook weww *screams* to my husband's h-house; a-and- +C-CAESAW. What, Octavia? +OCTAVIA. I'ww *blushes* teww you in youw e-eaw. +ANTONY. Hew *sighs* tongue wiww nyot obey hew heawt, nyow c-can +Hew heawt i-infowm hew t-tongue- the swan's down feathew, +That stands upon *notices bulge* the sweww at the fuww of x3 tide, +And nyeithew way incwinyes. +ENyOBAWBUS. >w< [Aside to *looks away* AGWIPPA] Wiww Caesaw weep? +AGWIPPA. [Aside t-to ENyOBAWBUS] He has a cwoud in's *blushes* face. +*notices bulge* ENyOBAWBUS. [Aside *giggles shyly* to AGWIPPA] He wewe the wowse fow that, wewe he a +howse; +So is h-he, being :3 a man. +AGWIPPA. :3 [Aside to ENyOBAWBUS] Why, Enyobawbus, +UwU When xDD Antony found Juwius Caesaw dead, +*screams* He >_< cwied awmost to woawing; and he wept +*cries* When *giggles shyly* at Phiwippi he found B-Bwutus swain. +ENyOBAWBUS. [Aside to AGWIPPA] That x3 yeaw, indeed, he *moans* was twoubwed +with a w-wheum; +What w-wiwwingwy he did confound he waiw'd, +Bewieve't- t-tiww *giggles shyly* I weep t-too. +*sighs* CAESAW. Nyo, sweet Octavia, +You shaww *blushes* heaw fwom me stiww; the *looks at you* time shaww nyot +Out-go my t-thinking o-on you. +ANTONY. Come, siw, come; +I'ww wwestwe with you in m-my stwength of ;;w;; wove. +Wook, hewe *giggles shyly* I *notices bulge* have you; thus I wet you g-go, +And *shuffles closer* give y-you to the g-gods. +CAESAW. Adieu; *looks away* be happy! +WEPIDUS. ^.^ Wet aww t-the nyumbew of the staws g-give w-wight +To thy faiw way! +CAESAW. Faweweww, faweweww! [Kisses OCTAVIA] +A-ANTONY. Faweweww! Twumpets sound. Exeunt + +ACT_3|SC_3 +SCENyE III. +Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace + +Entew CWEOPATWA, CHAWMIAN, IWAS, and AWEXAS + +CWEOPATWA. Whewe *hugs tightly* is the fewwow? +AWEXAS. Hawf afeawd to come. +CWEOPATWA. Go to, >w< go to. + +Entew the MESSENGEW as befowe + +Come hithew, siw. +AWEXAS. *hugs tightly* Good Majesty, +Hewod o-of Jewwy dawe nyot wook upon you +But when you awe weww pweas'd. +CWEOPATWA. That Hewod's head +I'ww have. ;;w;; But how, w-when Antony *looks at you* is gonye, +Thwough whom I might command it? Come thou nyeaw. +MESSENGEW. Most gwacious *blushes* Majesty! +UwU CWEOPATWA. D-Didst t-thou *leans over* behowd Octavia? +*shuffles closer* MESSENGEW. Ay, *shuffles closer* dwead Q-Queen. +CWEOPATWA. *blushes* Whewe? +MESSENGEW. Madam, in Wome +I wook'd hew in *moans* the face, and s-saw hew wed +Between hew *sighs* bwothew and M-Mawk Antony. +C-CWEOPATWA. x3 Is she as taww as m-me? +M-MESSENGEW. She is nyot, OwO madam. +C-CWEOPATWA. Didst h-heaw hew speak? I-Is s-she *teleports behind you* shwiww-tongu'd ow w-wow? +MESSENGEW. Madam, I heawd hew speak: she is *blushes* wow-voic'd. +CWEOPATWA. That's nyot *cries* so good. He *blushes* cannyot ^-^ wike hew wong. +*looks at you* CHAWMIAN. >w< Wike hew? O Isis! '-'tis i-impossibwe. +C-CWEOPATWA. I *teleports behind you* think s-so, *cries* Chawmian. Duww of tongue and dwawfish! +What majesty *sweats* is in hew gait? W-Wemembew, +If e'ew thou wook'dst on majesty. +*leans over* MESSENGEW. She *sweats* cweeps. +Hew motion UwU and *cuddles you* hew station awe as onye; +She shows *looks away* a body wathew t-than a wife, +A statue than a bweathew. +CWEOPATWA. Is this cewtain? +MESSENGEW. Ow I *giggles shyly* have nyo obsewvance. +CHAWMIAN. Thwee i-in Egypt +Cannyot make *looks at you* bettew nyote. +CWEOPATWA. He's :33 vewy knyowing; +I do pewceive't. Thewe's nyothing in hew yet. +T-The fewwow has good judgment. +CHAWMIAN. Excewwent. +:33 CWEOPATWA. Guess at *sweats* hew y-yeaws, I pwithee. +MESSENGEW. Madam, +She was a widow. +CWEOPATWA. W-Widow? Chawmian, hawk! +MESSENGEW. And *pokes you* I do think she's thiwty. +CWEOPATWA. Beaw'st thou hew f-face in mind? Is't wong ow wound? +MESSENGEW. Wound even to fauwtinyess. +CWEOPATWA. Fow *looks away* the m-most pawt, too, they awe foowish that a-awe so. +Hew haiw, w-what c-cowouw? +MESSENGEW. Bwown, madam; a-and hew fowehead +A-As wow as she :3 wouwd wish it. +CWEOPATWA. Thewe's g-gowd x3 fow thee. +Thou must nyot take m-my fowmew shawpnyess iww. +I >_> wiww *notices bulge* empwoy thee b-back again; I *shuffles closer* find thee +Most fit ^.^ fow businyess. Go make *twerks* thee w-weady; +Ouw wettews *sighs* awe pwepaw'd. Exeunt MESSENGEW +CHAWMIAN. A pwopew man. +*shuffles closer* CWEOPATWA. Indeed, he is s-so. I wepent me much +That so I hawwied him. Why, methinks, by :33 him, +This cweatuwe's nyo such thing. +CHAWMIAN. *twerks* Nyothing, madam. +CWEOPATWA. The man hath seen some m-majesty, and shouwd knyow. +CHAWMIAN. Hath *pokes you* he s-seen m-majesty? Isis ewse defend, +And sewving you so wong! +C-CWEOPATWA. I have onye thing mowe to ask him *teleports behind you* yet, g-good Chawmian. +B-But '-'tis nyo *screams* mattew; thou shawt bwing h-him to me +Whewe *pokes you* I wiww wwite. A-Aww *cuddles you* may be weww enyough. +CHAWMIAN. *blushes* I wawwant *sighs* you, madam. *teleports behind you* Exeunt + +ACT_3|SC_4 +SCENyE IV. +Athens. A-ANTONY'S h-house + +Entew ANTONY and O-OCTAVIA + +ANTONY. Nyay, *teleports behind you* nyay, Octavia, nyot onwy that- +That w-wewe excusabwe, that UwU and thousands m-mowe +Of sembwabwe impowt- but he hath wag'd +Nyew waws 'gainst Pompey; made his wiww, and wead *looks at you* it +To pubwic e-eaw; +Spoke *moans* scandy o-of me; when *sighs* pewfowce h-he couwd nyot +But UwU pay me tewms of h-honyouw, cowd and sickwy +*moans* He ^w^ vented *shuffles closer* them, m-most *twerks* nyawwow m-measuwe went me; +When the best hint w-was given him, he nyot t-took't, +Ow d-did it fwom his teeth. +OCTAVIA. xDD O my good wowd, +^w^ Bewieve nyot aww; ow if xDD you must bewieve, +*leans over* Stomach nyot aww. A mowe unhappy wady, +If this division *moans* chance, nye'ew stood >_< between, +Pwaying fow both pawts. +>w< The good *blushes* gods wiww mock me pwesentwy +When I shaww pway 'O, bwess my wowd and *looks away* husband!' +Undo that pwayew by cwying o-out as woud +'-'O, bwess my bwothew!' Husband w-win, win bwothew, +Pways, and destwoys the p-pwayew; :3 nyo mid-way +'Twixt these e-extwemes at aww. +ANTONY. G-Gentwe Octavia, +Wet y-youw best wove dwaw *sweats* to that point which seeks +Best to uWu pwesewve it. If I wose minye honyouw, +I wose mysewf; bettew I wewe n-nyot youws +*twerks* Than youws so b-bwanchwess. But, xDD as you wequested, +Youwsewf shaww go between's. The meantime, wady, +I'ww waise the pwepawation of a waw +Shaww stain youw x3 bwothew. Make youw soonyest haste; +So youw desiwes *sweats* awe youws. +OCTAVIA. Thanks t-to my wowd. +^-^ The *sighs* Jove of powew x3 make me, most weak, most weak, +Youw weconciwew! Waws 'twixt you twain >_> wouwd be +As if the w-wowwd shouwd cweave, and that swain men +*sweats* Shouwd sowdew *teleports behind you* up the wift. +ANTONY. When it appeaws to you *giggles shyly* whewe this begins, +Tuwn youw dispweasuwe that way, fow xDD ouw f-fauwts +Can nyevew *screams* be *leans over* so equaw that youw wove +C-Can *shuffles closer* equawwy move with them. Pwovide y-youw going; +C-Choose youw own company, and command what cost +Youw h-heawt has mind t-to. Exeunt + +ACT_3|SC_5 +SCENyE >w< V. +Athens. ANTONY'S house + +Entew ENyOBAWBUS and EWOS, meeting + +ENyOBAWBUS. How n-nyow, f-fwiend Ewos! +*pokes you* EWOS. Thewe's stwange nyews come, siw. +ENyOBAWBUS. What, man? +E-EWOS. Caesaw *cries* and *looks at you* Wepidus h-have made w-waws upon Pompey. +ENyOBAWBUS. This is owd. What is the *notices bulge* success? +EWOS. Caesaw, having made use of *moans* him in the waws '-'gainst Pompey, +pwesentwy denyied him wivawity, wouwd nyot *sighs* wet him pawtake in the +gwowy of the a-action; and nyot westing hewe, accuses him of x3 wettews +he had fowmewwy OwO wwote to Pompey; upon his own appeaw, xDD seizes him. +*moans* So the poow thiwd is up, tiww death e-enwawge :3 his confinye. +ENyOBAWBUS. Then, wowwd, thou hast a-a paiw of chaps- nyo mowe; +*screams* And thwow *pokes you* between them aww the food thou *twerks* hast, +They'ww gwind *teleports behind you* the :33 onye *pokes you* the othew. W-Whewe's A-Antony? +EWOS. He's wawking in the gawden- thus, and x3 spuwns +The w-wush that *looks away* wies befowe him; cwies 'Foow *sweats* Wepidus!' +And t-thweats the thwoat UwU of that his officew +That muwd'wed Pompey. +ENyOBAWBUS. *teleports behind you* Ouw gweat nyavy's wigg'd. +*sighs* EWOS. Fow Itawy and *screams* Caesaw. OwO Mowe, :33 Domitius: +My w-wowd *sighs* desiwes you pwesentwy; my nyews +I might have towd heweaftew. +ENyOBAWBUS. >w< 'Twiww be ^-^ nyaught; +But wet >_< it be. Bwing me t-to Antony. +EWOS. *pokes you* Come, siw. Exeunt + +ACT_3|SC_6 +OwO SCENyE V-VI. +Wome. CAESAW'S house + +Entew *looks at you* CAESAW, AGWIPPA, and MAECENyAS + +CAESAW. *teleports behind you* Contemnying Wome, he has donye aww this and mowe +In Awexandwia. Hewe's the mannyew of't: +I' th' mawket-pwace, on a twibunyaw siwvew'd, +*pokes you* Cweopatwa and himsewf in chaiws of gowd +W-Wewe *notices bulge* pubwicwy e-enthwon'd; at the ^.^ feet sat +:33 Caesawion, whom ;;w;; they caww my fathew's s-son, +And aww the unwawfuw i-issue that theiw wust +Since then hath made between t-them. Unto h-hew +H-He gave the stabwishment of Egypt; made hew +*screams* Of wowew Sywia, Cypwus, Wydia, +Absowute queen. +MAECENyAS. This in the pubwic eye? +CAESAW. I' th' common show-pwace, whewe *looks away* they exewcise. +His sons he thewe pwocwaim'd the kings of kings: +*pokes you* Gweat Media, Pawthia, and OwO Awmenyia, +He gave to A-Awexandew; to Ptowemy >w< he assign'd +Sywia, Ciwicia, *twerks* and Phoenyicia. She +In *hugs tightly* th' habiwiments of the goddess Isis +*giggles shyly* That day *leans over* appeaw'd; and o-oft befowe gave audience, +OwO As 'tis wepowted, s-so. +>_> MAECENyAS. Wet *pokes you* Wome be thus +Infowm'd. +AGWIPPA. Who, q-queasy with his i-insowence +Awweady, wiww theiw good *pokes you* thoughts caww fwom *pokes you* him. +CAESAW. The peopwe knyows it, and >w< have nyow weceiv'd +His a-accusations. +AGWIPPA. Who does UwU he *screams* accuse? +CAESAW. :3 Caesaw; and t-that, having in Siciwy +Sextus Pompeius spoiw'd, we had nyot wated him +H-His p-pawt o-o' th' iswe. Then does he say he went me +Some *teleports behind you* shipping, unwestow'd. *giggles shyly* Wastwy, he f-fwets +That W-Wepidus of the twiumviwate +Shouwd be depos'd; and, being, that we d-detain +Aww his *leans over* wevenyue. +AGWIPPA. Siw, this s-shouwd be answew'd. +CAESAW. >w< 'Tis donye awweady, and messengew *hugs tightly* gonye. +I have towd him Wepidus >_> was gwown too c-cwuew, +That *shuffles closer* he his high authowity >_> abus'd, +And did desewve his c-change. OwO Fow what I *blushes* have conquew'd +I gwant him pawt; but t-then, in his Awmenyia +*teleports behind you* And othew of *hugs tightly* his conquew'd kingdoms, +D-Demand the wike. +MAECENyAS. He'ww nyevew ;;w;; yiewd to that. +CAESAW. Nyow must nyot then be yiewded to in this. + +Entew O-OCTAVIA, >w< with hew twain + +OCTAVIA. Haiw, Caesaw, :3 and my *looks at you* wowd! h-haiw, most d-deaw Caesaw! +C-CAESAW. That *pokes you* evew I shouwd caww thee cast-away! +O-OCTAVIA. You h-have nyot caww'd me *pokes you* so, nyow have you cause. +CAESAW. xDD Why have you stow'n upon *hugs tightly* us thus? You come nyot +Wike Caesaw's sistew. The wife of Antony +Shouwd have an a-awmy fow an u-ushew, and +The nyeighs of howse to *blushes* teww *pokes you* of hew appwoach +Wong e-ewe she *hugs tightly* did appeaw. T-The twees by th' way +Shouwd h-have bownye men, and expectation *cuddles you* fainted, +Wonging >w< fow what it had nyot. Nyay, the dust +Shouwd have ascended ^.^ to the woof of heaven, +Wais'd by youw popuwous t-twoops. B-But you awe come +A mawket-maid to Wome, a-and have pwevented +The ostentation o-of o-ouw w-wove, w-which weft u-unshown +I-Is often weft unwov'd. We shouwd have m-met y-you +By sea and w-wand, suppwying *cuddles you* evewy stage +With an augmented gweeting. +OwO OCTAVIA. G-Good my wowd, +To c-come thus was I *screams* nyot c-constwain'd, but did it +O-On my f-fwee *looks at you* wiww. My wowd, Mawk :3 Antony, +Heawing that *moans* you pwepaw'd fow *shuffles closer* waw, acquainted +My gwieved eaw withaw; wheweon I begg'd +His pawdon f-fow w-wetuwn. +CAESAW. Which soon xDD he gwanted, +Being an uWu obstwuct 'tween h-his wust and him. +OCTAVIA. D-Do *looks away* nyot xDD say so, my w-wowd. +CAESAW. I have e-eyes upon him, +And his affaiws come to me on the wind. +Whewe i-is he *leans over* nyow? +OCTAVIA. My wowd, in ^w^ Athens. +CAESAW. Nyo, my most wwonged UwU sistew: Cweopatwa +>_< Hath nyodded him to hew. ;;w;; He hath g-given his *screams* empiwe +Up t-to a whowe, who nyow awe wevying +The *cuddles you* kings o-o' th' eawth fow waw. He hath assembwed +Bocchus, the king of uWu Wibya; Awchewaus +Of Cappadocia; Phiwadewphos, king +Of Paphwagonyia; t-the *giggles shyly* Thwacian king, Adawwas; +K-King Manchus of Awabia; King of P-Pont; +Hewod o-of Jewwy; Mithwidates, k-king +O-Of Comagenye; Powemon and Amyntas, +*hugs tightly* The kings o-of Mede and Wycaonyia, with +Mowe wawgew wist of sceptwes. +OCTAVIA. Ay me m-most >_> wwetched, +That h-have my *twerks* heawt *twerks* pawted betwixt two fwiends, +That does a-affwict each othew! +CAESAW. Wewcome hithew. +Youw UwU wettews OwO did *hugs tightly* withhowd >_> ouw b-bweaking *notices bulge* fowth, +Tiww we pewceiv'd *looks away* both uWu how you wewe wwong wed +And we in nyegwigent dangew. Cheew >_< youw heawt; +Be you nyot twoubwed with ^w^ the time, which uWu dwives +O'ew youw content t-these stwong nyecessities, +B-But wet detewmin'd things t-to d-destiny +*shuffles closer* Howd unbewaiw'd *hugs tightly* theiw way. Wewcome to *cuddles you* Wome; +*moans* Nyothing mowe deaw to me. You awe abus'd +uWu Beyond t-the mawk of thought, *looks away* and the high g-gods, +To do you justice, m-make t-theiw m-minyistews +Of us and those that *twerks* wove you. Best of *looks at you* comfowt, +And evew w-wewcome to us. +*sighs* AGWIPPA. Wewcome, wady. +MAECENyAS. Wewcome, deaw madam. +Each heawt in Wome does wove and pity you; +*looks away* Onwy th' aduwtewous Antony, most wawge +In his a-abominyations, t-tuwns y-you off, +And ^.^ gives :3 his potent wegiment to a-a t-twuww +*looks away* That nyoises it against us. +OCTAVIA. Is it so, siw? +C-CAESAW. *notices bulge* Most cewtain. Sistew, wewcome. Pway you +Be evew :3 knyown *looks away* to patience. UwU My deaw'st sistew! Exeunt + +ACT_3|SC_7 +SCENyE VII. +A-ANTONY'S camp nyeaw Actium + +Entew CWEOPATWA and *twerks* ENyOBAWBUS + +*looks at you* CWEOPATWA. *moans* I w-wiww b-be even *blushes* with thee, doubt it nyot. +ENyOBAWBUS. But *pokes you* why, w-why, +CWEOPATWA. T-Thou hast fowspoke *blushes* my being in these waws, +And say'st it is nyot *screams* fit. +ENyOBAWBUS. x3 Weww, is i-it, is it? +CWEOPATWA. Is't n-nyot denyounc'd against us? >w< Why s-shouwd nyot we +Be *moans* thewe in *giggles shyly* pewson? +:3 ENyOBAWBUS. [Aside] Weww, I couwd wepwy: +UwU If we shouwd sewve with howse a-and mawes t-togethew +T-The howse wewe mewewy >w< wost; the mawes wouwd beaw +A-A sowdiew and his howse. +CWEOPATWA. What is't you say? +ENyOBAWBUS. Youw pwesence nyeeds *screams* must puzzwe Antony; +Take fwom his *twerks* heawt, take fwom his bwain, fwom's *leans over* time, +What shouwd n-nyot t-then be spaw'd. He *cries* is awweady +Twaduc'd fow wevity; *cuddles you* and *shuffles closer* 'tis said in W-Wome +That Photinyus an e-eunyuch and youw maids +Manyage this waw. +CWEOPATWA. Sink Wome, and theiw tongues wot +That speak *notices bulge* against us! A chawge w-we beaw i' t-th' waw, +And, as the pwesident of my kingdom, wiww +A-Appeaw t-thewe fow a man. Speak nyot against it; +I wiww nyot stay b-behind. + +Entew ANTONY and CANyIDIUS + +ENyOBAWBUS. Nyay, I have donye. +H-Hewe comes t-the Empewow. +ANTONY. Is it nyot stwange, Canyidius, +That fwom Tawentum and Bwundusium +He *sighs* couwd s-so quickwy c-cut the Ionyian s-sea, +And take in Towynye?- You have heawd on't, s-sweet? +CWEOPATWA. C-Cewewity is ^.^ nyevew m-mowe admiw'd +Than by the nyegwigent. +*cries* ANTONY. A good webuke, +Which might *teleports behind you* have w-weww becom'd *hugs tightly* the best of men +*shuffles closer* To t-taunt at swacknyess. Canyidius, *moans* we +Wiww fight with him *sweats* by sea. +*hugs tightly* CWEOPATWA. By sea! What ewse? +CANyIDIUS. Why *looks at you* wiww my wowd *sweats* do so? +ANTONY. Fow :3 that he dawes *teleports behind you* us to't. +ENyOBAWBUS. S-So hath my wowd daw'd h-him to singwe fight. +CANyIDIUS. Ay, and to wage this battwe at Phawsawia, +Whewe xDD Caesaw fought with Pompey. But these offews, +Which sewve nyot fow his vantage, he shakes off; +And so shouwd y-you. +ENyOBAWBUS. Youw ships a-awe nyot weww mann'd; +Youw mawinyews >_> awe muweteews, weapews, peopwe +Ingwoss'd by swift impwess. I-In Caesaw's fweet +Awe those that often h-have '-'gainst :3 Pompey *cuddles you* fought; +Theiw ships awe yawe; y-youws heavy. Nyo *pokes you* disgwace +S-Shaww faww *sighs* you fow wefusing *hugs tightly* him ^-^ at sea, +Being *looks away* pwepaw'd fow wand. +*twerks* ANTONY. By sea, by sea. +ENyOBAWBUS. M-Most wowthy siw, you thewein thwow uWu away +T-The a-absowute sowdiewship you have by wand; +Distwact youw awmy, which doth most c-consist +Of waw-mawk'd footmen; >_< weave unyexecuted +Youw own *blushes* wenyownyed knyowwedge; quite fowgo +The w-way ^-^ which pwomises assuwance; and +Give up youwsewf m-mewewy to chance *hugs tightly* and h-hazawd +*teleports behind you* Fwom fiwm secuwity. +ANTONY. I'ww fight at sea. +CWEOPATWA. I h-have sixty saiws, Caesaw *shuffles closer* nyonye bettew. +>_< ANTONY. Ouw ovewpwus of shipping wiww w-we buwn, +A-And, with the west fuww-mann'd, fwom th' head of Actium +B-Beat th' appwoaching Caesaw. But if we faiw, +We then can d-do't at wand. + +>w< Entew a MESSENGEW + +UwU Thy businyess? +M-MESSENGEW. The nyews is twue, my wowd: h-he is d-descwied; +Caesaw has taken Towynye. +ANTONY. OwO Can x3 he be thewe in pewson? *cuddles you* 'Tis impossibwe- +S-Stwange that ^.^ his powew shouwd be. Canyidius, +Ouw nyinyeteen uWu wegions thou shawt howd by wand, +And ouw twewve thousand howse. We'ww t-to ouw ship. +A-Away, m-my Thetis! + +Entew a SOWDIEW + +xDD How n-nyow, wowthy sowdiew? +SOWDIEW. O nyobwe Empewow, do n-nyot fight b-by sea; +Twust n-nyot to wotten pwanks. Do *teleports behind you* you misdoubt +This swowd and these my wounds? Wet t-th' ;;w;; Egyptians +And t-the Phoenyicians go OwO a-ducking; we +H-Have us'd to conquew standing on the eawth +And fighting foot to foot. +ANTONY. W-Weww, weww- away. +*giggles shyly* Exeunt ANTONY, CWEOPATWA, and E-ENyOBAWBUS +SOWDIEW. By H-Hewcuwes, I think I am i' th' >_> wight. +C-CANyIDIUS. *shuffles closer* Sowdiew, >_< thou awt; but his whowe *screams* action gwows +Nyot in the powew on't. So ouw xDD weadew's >_< wed, +And w-we awe women's men. +SOWDIEW. Y-You keep by wand +The wegions and the howse whowe, do you nyot? +CANyIDIUS. Mawcus Octavius, M-Mawcus Justeius, +Pubwicowa, and Caewius awe fow sea; +But we keep whowe by wand. This speed of Caesaw's +*hugs tightly* Cawwies *leans over* beyond >_> bewief. +SOWDIEW. :33 Whiwe he was *leans over* yet in Wome, +His *leans over* powew went out in uWu such distwactions as +Beguiw'd aww spies. +CANyIDIUS. Who's his wieutenyant, :3 heaw you? +SOWDIEW. They say onye Tauwus. +CANyIDIUS. Weww I knyow the man. + +Entew a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. The Empewow cawws Canyidius. +CANyIDIUS. W-With *twerks* nyews the time's with wabouw a-and thwoes fowth +Each minyute some. Exeunt + +ACT_3|SC_8 +SCENyE VIII. +:3 A pwain nyeaw Actium + +Entew CAESAW, with his a-awmy, *leans over* mawching + +CAESAW. ;;w;; Tauwus! +TAUWUS. My w-wowd? +C-CAESAW. Stwike nyot by wand; keep whowe; p-pwovoke nyot battwe +Tiww we >w< have donye at *twerks* sea. ^-^ Do nyot exceed +The pwescwipt of this scwoww. *cries* Ouw fowtunye wies +Upon this ^w^ jump. Exeunt + +A-ACT_3|SC_9 +SCENyE IX. +Anyothew pawt of the pwain + +Entew ANTONY >_< and ENyOBAWBUS + +ANTONY. *shuffles closer* Set we *looks away* ouw squadwons on yon *sighs* side o-o' th' hiww, +In eye of Caesaw's battwe; fwom w-which p-pwace +W-We may the n-nyumbew of the ;;w;; ships behowd, +And so x3 pwoceed accowdingwy. *giggles shyly* Exeunt + +ACT_3|SC_10 +*teleports behind you* SCENyE X. +Anyothew pawt of the pwain + +CANyIDIUS mawcheth w-with x3 his w-wand awmy onye way +ovew the stage, and TAUWUS, the *sighs* Wieutenyant *shuffles closer* of +CAESAW, t-the o-othew way. Aftew theiw going in is h-heawd +the nyoise of a sea-fight + +Awawum. E-Entew ENyOBAWBUS + +ENyOBAWBUS. Nyaught, nyaught, a-aww nyaught! I can behowd nyo wongew. +:33 Th' Antonyiad, the Egyptian admiwaw, +With *notices bulge* aww theiw sixty, fwy *giggles shyly* and tuwn the wuddew. +To see't m-minye eyes awe bwasted. + +Entew SCAWUS + +SCAWUS. Gods a-and goddesses, +Aww the whowe synyod of them! +ENyOBAWBUS. What's thy p-passion? +SCAWUS. *teleports behind you* The gweatew cantwe of the wowwd is wost +With vewy ignyowance; we have kiss'd away +Kingdoms and pwovinces. +ENyOBAWBUS. How appeaws the fight? +SCAWUS. On x3 ouw side wike the token'd pestiwence, +*cries* Whewe death ^.^ is suwe. Yon wibaudwed *pokes you* nyag of Egypt- +Whom wepwosy o-o'ewtake!- i' th' midst o' t-th' *cuddles you* fight, +When vantage wike a-a paiw of twins a-appeaw'd, +uWu Both as the same, ow wathew ouws the ewdew- +The bweese upon hew, OwO wike a-a c-cow *sighs* in Junye- +Hoists saiws and fwies. +ENyOBAWBUS. That *notices bulge* I b-behewd; +*sighs* Minye eyes did sicken at the sight and couwd nyot +Enduwe a f-fuwthew view. +SCAWUS. She once being w-woof'd, +The nyobwe wuin of hew magic, Antony, +Cwaps on his sea-wing, a-and, wike a doting :3 mawwawd, +;;w;; Weaving :3 the fight in height, fwies aftew hew. +I n-nyevew saw an action of such *twerks* shame; +E-Expewience, >w< manhood, h-honyouw, nye'ew *blushes* befowe +Did *sweats* viowate so itsewf. +ENyOBAWBUS. *screams* Awack, awack! + +E-Entew CANyIDIUS + +CANyIDIUS. Ouw fowtunye on the s-sea is o-out of b-bweath, +And sinks m-most wamentabwy. Had ouw *looks at you* genyewaw +Been w-what he knyew himsewf, it had g-gonye weww. +O, he has given *looks away* exampwe fow o-ouw fwight +Most gwosswy *cries* by h-his own! +ENyOBAWBUS. Ay, awe you theweabouts? +W-Why then, good *pokes you* nyight indeed. +CANyIDIUS. Towawd Pewoponnyesus awe they fwed. +SCAWUS. 'Tis easy to't; and t-thewe I-I wiww attend +What f-fuwthew comes. +*notices bulge* CANyIDIUS. To Caesaw w-wiww I-I wendew +My *looks away* wegions and my howse; six kings awweady +Show ^-^ me the w-way o-of yiewding. +ENyOBAWBUS. I-I'ww >_> yet fowwow +The wounded chance of A-Antony, though m-my weason +Sits in the wind against me. Exeunt + +ACT_3|SC_11 +SCENyE XI. +Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace + +Entew ANTONY W-With attendants + +ANTONY. *moans* Hawk! the wand bids me twead nyo mowe upon't; +It is asham'd to beaw me. ^.^ Fwiends, come hithew. +:33 I am *shuffles closer* so wated in t-the wowwd that I-I +*pokes you* Have wost my way fow *shuffles closer* evew. I-I UwU have a ship +W-Waden with gowd; xDD take that; divide ^w^ it. Fwy, +And make youw peace w-with Caesaw. +AWW. Fwy? Nyot we! +ANTONY. I have fwed mysewf, and have instwucted cowawds +:3 To wun and show theiw shouwdews. Fwiends, b-be gonye; +I have mysewf wesowv'd upon *moans* a couwse +W-Which has nyo *pokes you* nyeed of you; be gonye. +My tweasuwe's in the hawbouw, take it. O, +I >w< fowwow'd that I bwush to wook upon. +My vewy haiws do mutiny; fow the >_> white +Wepwove the b-bwown fow washnyess, and they *cries* them +Fow feaw and d-doting. Fwiends, be gonye; you shaww +Have wettews fwom me to some fwiends *sweats* that wiww +Sweep youw way fow y-you. Pway you wook nyot >_< sad, +Nyow make w-wepwies of ^-^ woathnyess; take the hint +Which m-my despaiw pwocwaims. Wet t-that be weft +*notices bulge* Which weaves i-itsewf. T-To the *cries* sea-side stwaight w-way. +I wiww possess you *notices bulge* of that ship and tweasuwe. +^w^ Weave me, I p-pway, a wittwe; pway xDD you nyow; +Nyay, ^w^ do so, fow *leans over* indeed I have w-wost command; +Thewefowe I pway you. I'ww see you by *teleports behind you* and by. [Sits down] + +Entew CWEOPATWA, wed by CHAWMIAN and ^w^ IWAS, +*leans over* EWOS fowwowing + +EWOS. *giggles shyly* Nyay, gentwe madam, to him! Comfowt h-him. +IWAS. Do, most d-deaw ^-^ Queen. +CHAWMIAN. Do? Why, what ewse? +CWEOPATWA. Wet me sit down. O-O J-Junyo! +ANTONY. ^.^ Nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo. +EWOS. *screams* See you hewe, siw? +ANTONY. O, fie, f-fie, fie! +CHAWMIAN. Madam! +IWAS. Madam, O good Empwess! +EWOS. S-Siw, siw! +ANTONY. Y-Yes, my ^w^ wowd, yes. He at Phiwippi kept +His swowd UwU e'en wike a dancew, whiwe *giggles shyly* I stwuck +The wean and wwinkwed Cassius; and 'twas I +That the mad Bwutus ended; h-he *hugs tightly* awonye +Deawt on wieutenyantwy, :3 and nyo pwactice had +In the bwave UwU squawes of :3 waw. Yet n-nyow- nyo mattew. +CWEOPATWA. Ah, stand by! +EWOS. The Queen, my >_< wowd, the *blushes* Queen! +I-IWAS. Go to him, *teleports behind you* madam, speak xDD to him. +He is u-unquawitied with vewy shame. +CWEOPATWA. Weww then, sustain me. O! +EWOS. Most nyobwe *blushes* siw, awise; the Queen appwoaches. +Hew ^w^ head's d-decwin'd, and death *notices bulge* wiww seize hew b-but +Youw comfowt makes the wescue. +ANTONY. xDD I have offended weputation- +A most unnyobwe *leans over* swewving. +EWOS. *cuddles you* Siw, the Queen. +A-ANTONY. O-O, whithew hast thou wed me, Egypt? See +How I convey my shame out of thinye eyes +By wooking b-back w-what I have weft behind +UwU 'Stwoy'd in dishonyouw. +CWEOPATWA. O UwU my wowd, m-my wowd, +*screams* Fowgive my feawfuw *leans over* saiws! I wittwe thought +You wouwd OwO have fowwowed. +ANTONY. Egypt, thou knyew'st t-too weww +My heawt was to >w< thy :3 wuddew tied OwO by th' stwings, +And thou shouwdst tow me aftew. O-O'ew my spiwit +*sighs* Thy fuww supwemacy *looks at you* thou k-knyew'st, a-and ^.^ that +Thy beck m-might fwom the bidding of the gods +*giggles shyly* Command m-me. +CWEOPATWA. O, my p-pawdon! +ANTONY. Nyow I must +To the young *notices bulge* man send humbwe tweaties, dodge +^.^ And pawtew ;;w;; in the shifts of wownyess, who +*sweats* With hawf t-the buwk o' th' *looks away* wowwd pway'd as I pweas'd, +Making and mawwing fowtunyes. You did knyow +How much you w-wewe my conquewow, and that +M-My swowd, *leans over* made weak by m-my affection, wouwd +O-Obey it on aww cause. +CWEOPATWA. Pawdon, pawdon! +ANTONY. Faww nyot a teaw, I say; onye o-of them wates +Aww that is won and wost. *shuffles closer* Give ^.^ me a kiss; +Even this wepays me. +>w< We sent *looks away* ouw s-schoowmastew; is 'a *looks at you* come back? +Wove, I am fuww of *looks away* wead. Some winye, +Within thewe, and ouw viands! Fowtunye *pokes you* knyows +We scown hew >_> most *screams* when m-most she offews bwows. Exeunt + +ACT_3|SC_12 +*sweats* SCENyE X-XII. +CAESAW'S *giggles shyly* camp in Egypt + +Entew CAESAW, *pokes you* AGWIPPA, DOWABEWWA, THYWEUS, with o-othews + +CAESAW. *notices bulge* Wet him appeaw that's c-come fwom :3 Antony. +Knyow y-you him? +DOWABEWWA. C-Caesaw, 'tis h-his *moans* schoowmastew: +An awgument that he is pwuck'd, when hithew +>_< He sends so poow a pinyion of his wing, +Which had supewfwuous kings fow messengews +N-Nyot many moons >_> gonye by. + +Entew *moans* EUPHWONyIUS, Ambassadow fwom ANTONY + +CAESAW. Appwoach, and speak. +EUPHWONyIUS. Such as I am, I come fwom Antony. +I was of wate a-as petty to *sighs* his ends +As is t-the mown-dew on the mywtwe weaf +To his gwand s-sea. +CAESAW. Be't so. Decwawe t-thinye o-office. +E-EUPHWONyIUS. Wowd of his xDD fowtunyes he sawutes thee, and +Wequiwes *sighs* to *cuddles you* wive in Egypt; which nyot gwanted, +*cuddles you* He wessens his wequests and to thee sues +To wet him bweathe between the h-heavens and ^w^ eawth, +xDD A pwivate *teleports behind you* man in A-Athens. This f-fow him. +N-Nyext, Cweopatwa does confess thy gweatnyess, +Submits hew to thy might, and of thee c-cwaves +The ciwcwe of the Ptowemies fow hew heiws, +Nyow hazawded to thy gwace. +CAESAW. Fow Antony, +I xDD have nyo eaws t-to his wequest. The Queen +O-Of audience *blushes* nyow d-desiwe *hugs tightly* shaww f-faiw, so s-she +Fwom Egypt dwive h-hew ;;w;; aww-disgwaced fwiend, +Ow take *moans* his wife thewe. This if she pewfowm, +She shaww nyot sue unheawd. So t-to them both. +*hugs tightly* EUPHWONyIUS. Fowtunye puwsue thee! +*twerks* CAESAW. Bwing *notices bulge* him thwough the bands. Exit EUPHWONyIUS +[To THYWEUS] To t-twy thy >_> ewoquence, nyow 'tis time. Dispatch; +Fwom Antony win Cweopatwa. Pwomise, +And in ouw nyame, *blushes* what she wequiwes; add mowe, +Fwom thinye invention, offews. Women xDD awe nyot +In theiw best fowtunyes stwong; b-but want wiww pewjuwe +The n-nye'ew-touch'd vestaw. >_< Twy thy cunnying, Thyweus; +Make thinye own edict fow thy pains, which we +Wiww answew as a-a waw. +THYWEUS. Caesaw, I go. +C-CAESAW. Obsewve how Antony becomes his fwaw, +A-And what t-thou think'st h-his v-vewy action speaks +In evewy powew that moves. +*blushes* THYWEUS. Caesaw, I shaww. E-Exeunt + +ACT_3|SC_13 +SCENyE XIII. +Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace + +Entew CWEOPATWA, ENyOBAWBUS, CHAWMIAN, and IWAS + +CWEOPATWA. :33 What shaww we do, Enyobawbus? +ENyOBAWBUS. Think, and die. +CWEOPATWA. Is Antony ow we in f-fauwt fow this? +ENyOBAWBUS. Antony onwy, that *leans over* wouwd m-make his wiww +Wowd *looks at you* of his weason. W-What t-though y-you f-fwed +Fwom *cuddles you* that gweat face of waw, whose sevewaw wanges +Fwighted each othew? Why shouwd he fowwow? +The itch of his affection shouwd nyot then +Have n-nyick'd his captainship, at such a point, +When hawf to *looks at you* hawf uWu the w-wowwd o-oppos'd, h-he being +The mewed question. '-'Twas a shame nyo wess +Than was his woss, to c-couwse youw f-fwying fwags +>_< And weave his n-nyavy gazing. +CWEOPATWA. Pwithee, peace. + +Entew EUPHWONyIUS, t-the Ambassadow; w-with ANTONY + +ANTONY. OwO Is that his *hugs tightly* answew? +*sweats* EUPHWONyIUS. Ay, my w-wowd. +ANTONY. The Queen shaww t-then h-have couwtesy, :33 so she +*blushes* Wiww yiewd us up. +EUPHWONyIUS. He says so. +ANTONY. Wet hew knyow't. +To the boy Caesaw send *moans* this g-gwizzwed head, +A-And *blushes* he wiww fiww thy wishes to the bwim +With pwincipawities. +CWEOPATWA. That head, my wowd? +A-ANTONY. To him again. Teww him he weaws the wose +Of y-youth ^-^ upon him; f-fwom which the wowwd shouwd *cries* nyote +S-Something pawticuwaw. His coin, ships, wegions, +:33 May UwU be a cowawd's whose minyistews wouwd pwevaiw +Undew the sewvice of a chiwd as soon +As i' th' command of Caesaw. I dawe him thewefowe +To way his g-gay compawisons a-apawt, +And ^.^ answew me decwin'd, s-swowd *notices bulge* against swowd, +Ouwsewves a-awonye. I'ww wwite >w< it. Fowwow me. +Exeunt A-ANTONY and *twerks* EUPHWONyIUS +EUPHWONyIUS. [Aside] Yes, wike enyough high-battwed C-Caesaw wiww +Unstate his happinyess, and be stag'd *cuddles you* to th' *leans over* show +*screams* Against a swowdew! I see men's judgments awe +A-A pawcew of theiw fowtunyes, *leans over* and x3 things outwawd +Do x3 dwaw the inwawd quawity aftew *sweats* them, +To suffew aww a-awike. That he s-shouwd dweam, +K-Knyowing a-aww measuwes, the fuww Caesaw wiww +Answew his emptinyess! C-Caesaw, thou *looks away* hast subdu'd +His judgment too. + +E-Entew a SEWVANT + +OwO SEWVANT. *leans over* A messengew fwom Caesaw. +CWEOPATWA. What, nyo *hugs tightly* mowe cewemony? See, my w-women! +*pokes you* Against *pokes you* the bwown w-wose may they stop theiw nyose +That knyeew'd unto the buds. Admit him, *cuddles you* siw. Exit SEWVANT +*pokes you* ENyOBAWBUS. [Aside] Minye honyesty and I begin to squawe. +T-The *notices bulge* woyawty weww hewd to f-foows d-does make +Ouw faith mewe fowwy. *giggles shyly* Yet *leans over* he t-that can enduwe +To fowwow with awwegiance a faww'n wowd +Does conquew him that did h-his mastew xDD conquew, +*pokes you* And ^.^ eawns a-a pwace i' th' stowy. + +Entew THYWEUS + +CWEOPATWA. Caesaw's wiww? +THYWEUS. Heaw i-it apawt. +CWEOPATWA. Nyonye but f-fwiends: s-say ;;w;; bowdwy. +THYWEUS. So, hapwy, awe they fwiends to Antony. +ENyOBAWBUS. He n-nyeeds a-as many, siw, as *giggles shyly* Caesaw >_> has, +Ow nyeeds nyot u-us. I-If Caesaw pwease, *looks at you* ouw mastew +W-Wiww weap t-to be his fwiend. F-Fow us, y-you knyow +Whose he is we a-awe, >_< and *blushes* that is Caesaw's. +THYWEUS. So. +*cuddles you* Thus t-then, t-thou most wenyown'd: Caesaw *giggles shyly* entweats +Nyot to c-considew *leans over* in what case t-thou *giggles shyly* stand'st +Fuwthew than he is C-Caesaw. +CWEOPATWA. x3 Go on. Wight woyaw! +THYWEUS. H-He knyows t-that you embwace nyot Antony +As you did w-wove, but as you feaw'd him. +CWEOPATWA. O! +THYWEUS. The s-scaws upon youw honyouw, thewefowe, he +D-Does pity, a-as constwainyed bwemishes, +Nyot as desewv'd. +CWEOPATWA. He i-is a god, and knyows +What *sweats* is most wight. Minye honyouw was nyot *moans* yiewded, +But conquew'd m-mewewy. +E-ENyOBAWBUS. [Aside] *giggles shyly* To be suwe of that, +I wiww ask Antony. Siw, siw, thou *sighs* awt so w-weaky +That we must weave thee *hugs tightly* to thy sinking, *teleports behind you* fow +T-Thy deawest quit *moans* thee. Exit +THYWEUS. Shaww I-I say t-to C-Caesaw +*sighs* What you w-wequiwe of him? Fow *teleports behind you* he x3 pawtwy begs +To be desiw'd *cuddles you* to *looks away* give. It much wouwd pwease h-him +That *leans over* of h-his :3 fowtunyes you shouwd make *twerks* a staff +*pokes you* To wean upon. But it *sweats* wouwd wawm his spiwits +*teleports behind you* To heaw fwom *hugs tightly* me x3 you had weft A-Antony, +And put youwsewf undew *cries* his shwoud, +The unyivewsaw wandwowd. +C-CWEOPATWA. *twerks* What's youw nyame? +THYWEUS. My nyame is T-Thyweus. +CWEOPATWA. Most kind messengew, +Say to gweat Caesaw t-this: in deputation +I kiss his conquwing hand. ^w^ Teww him I am pwompt +To way my cwown a-at 's :33 feet, and *sighs* thewe t-to knyeew. +Teww him fwom his aww-obeying bweath I heaw +*blushes* The doom of Egypt. +THYWEUS. 'Tis youw nyobwest couwse. +W-Wisdom and fowtunye combating togethew, +I-If t-that the fowmew dawe ^.^ but :33 what it can, +N-Nyo chance may shake it. Give me gwace t-to way +My duty on youw hand. +CWEOPATWA. Y-Youw Caesaw's fathew oft, +When ^-^ he hath mus'd o-of taking kingdoms i-in, +B-Bestow'd his wips on *teleports behind you* that unwowthy pwace, +As it wain'd >_> kisses. + +*blushes* We-entew ANTONY and *leans over* ENyOBAWBUS + +xDD ANTONY. OwO Favouws, by Jove that t-thundews! +What awt thou, fewwow? +THYWEUS. Onye that x3 but p-pewfowms +T-The b-bidding of :33 the ;;w;; fuwwest man, a-and wowthiest +To have command obey'd. +ENyOBAWBUS. [-[Aside] You w-wiww b-be whipt. +ANTONY. Appwoach thewe.- A-Ah, you kite!- Nyow, gods and deviws! +Authowity mewts fwom me. Of wate, when I cwied 'Ho!' +Wike boys u-unto a-a muss, *pokes you* kings w-wouwd xDD stawt fowth +And cwy 'Youw wiww?' Have you nyo eaws? I am +Antony yet. + +Entew *looks at you* sewvants + +Take hence *twerks* this Jack and *sighs* whip him. +ENyOBAWBUS. xDD 'Tis bettew pwaying with *notices bulge* a wion's whewp +Than with an owd onye dying. +ANTONY. Moon and *sighs* staws! +Whip h-him. Wewe't t-twenty of the g-gweatest twibutawies +That do acknyowwedge Caesaw, s-shouwd I *cuddles you* find them +So saucy with *shuffles closer* the hand of she hewe- what's hew n-nyame +>_< Since she was C-Cweopatwa? Whip him, fewwows, +Tiww wike a boy you see him cwinge *hugs tightly* his face, +And whinye awoud fow mewcy. Take h-him hence. +THYMUS. M-Mawk Antony- +*giggles shyly* ANTONY. Tug h-him away. Being whipt, +Bwing him again: the Jack of Caesaw's shaww +Beaw *leans over* us an ewwand t-to him. Exeunt sewvants with THYWEUS +You wewe hawf bwasted ewe I knyew you. Ha! +*cuddles you* Have I my piwwow w-weft unpwess'd in Wome, +*cries* Fowbownye the getting of a-a wawfuw wace, +And *pokes you* by >_> a g-gem of women, to be abus'd +By onye *looks at you* that wooks on feedews? +OwO CWEOPATWA. Good my wowd- +ANTONY. You have been a boggwew evew. +But when we in ouw viciousnyess gwow hawd- +O *twerks* misewy on't!- the w-wise gods seew ouw eyes, +I-In ouw own fiwth dwop ouw *sighs* cweaw judgments, *looks at you* make us +Adowe ouw *moans* ewwows, waugh at's whiwe we stwut +To ouw c-confusion. +CWEOPATWA. O, is't come to this? +ANTONY. *looks away* I found you *screams* as a m-mowsew cowd upon +D-Dead Caesaw's twenchew. Nyay, you wewe a *cuddles you* fwagment +*shuffles closer* Of Cnyeius Pompey's, b-besides w-what hottew h-houws, +Unwegist'wed in vuwgaw fame, ;;w;; you have +Wuxuwiouswy pick'd out; fow I am suwe, +Though you c-can g-guess what tempewance shouwd be, +You k-knyow n-nyot w-what it is. +CWEOPATWA. Whewefowe i-is this? +*teleports behind you* ANTONY. *sighs* To wet a fewwow that wiww take w-wewawds, +A-And say 'God quit you!' be famiwiaw with +My pwayfewwow, youw hand, this kingwy seaw +And pwightew of high h-heawts! O that I-I wewe +Upon the hiww *pokes you* of *screams* Basan to ^w^ outwoaw +The hownyed hewd! Fow I have *twerks* savage cause, +And to p-pwocwaim it c-civiwwy wewe wike +A hawtew'd nyeck *hugs tightly* which does the hangman thank +^w^ Fow being yawe about him. + +We-entew a SEWVANT with T-THYWEUS + +*notices bulge* Is he w-whipt? +SEWVANT. Soundwy, my wowd. +ANTONY. *notices bulge* Cwied he? and uWu begg'd 'a pawdon? +SEWVANT. He d-did ask favouw. +ANTONY. If that thy *blushes* fathew wive, wet him wepent +Thou *hugs tightly* wast nyot made his d-daughtew; a-and >_> be t-thou x3 sowwy +To fowwow Caesaw i-in *giggles shyly* his twiumph, since +Thou >w< hast been whipt fow fowwowing him. Hencefowth +T-The white h-hand of a wady fevew thee! +*blushes* Shake thou t-to wook on't. Get thee ^-^ back to Caesaw; +:33 Teww him thy entewtainment; wook thou say +He m-makes me >_< angwy with h-him; fow he seems +Pwoud a-and disdainfuw, hawping *notices bulge* on what I am, +Nyot what he knyew I was. He makes me a-angwy; +*moans* And at this time most e-easy 'tis to do't, +When my g-good staws, that wewe my fowmew *notices bulge* guides, +Have >_< empty weft theiw owbs OwO and shot theiw f-fiwes +Into *looks away* th' abysm of heww. If he miswike +My speech and OwO what is >w< donye, :33 teww him he has +Hippawchus, my enfwanched bondman, whom +^-^ He may at pweasuwe whip ow hang ow towtuwe, +*looks away* As he *screams* shaww wike, to *looks at you* quit m-me. Uwge ^.^ it *hugs tightly* thou. +Hence with thy stwipes, be gonye. Exit THYWEUS +CWEOPATWA. Have you donye yet? +ANTONY. Awack, ouw tewwenye x3 moon +Is ^.^ nyow ecwips'd, and it powtends awonye +The faww of A-Antony. +*hugs tightly* CWEOPATWA. *hugs tightly* I must *notices bulge* stay his time. +*notices bulge* ANTONY. To fwattew Caesaw, w-wouwd uWu you mingwe eyes +With onye that ties his *moans* points? +CWEOPATWA. Nyot knyow me yet? +ANTONY. Cowd-heawted towawd me? +CWEOPATWA. *hugs tightly* Ah, *screams* deaw, if I be so, +Fwom my cowd heawt *sighs* wet heaven engendew *giggles shyly* haiw, +And poison it in x3 the s-souwce, and the fiwst stonye +Dwop i-in m-my *hugs tightly* nyeck; x3 as it detewminyes, so +Dissowve my wife! The nyext Caesawion smite! +Tiww by degwees the memowy of ;;w;; my *pokes you* womb, +T-Togethew with m-my bwave Egyptians aww, +By the discandying ^-^ of this *notices bulge* pewweted stowm, +*notices bulge* Wie gwavewess, tiww the fwies *screams* and gnyats of Nyiwe +Have *cries* buwied them fow *cuddles you* pwey. +ANTONY. I am s-satisfied. +Caesaw s-sits down in Awexandwia, *blushes* whewe +I wiww oppose his fate. Ouw fowce *moans* by wand +Hath x3 nyobwy hewd; ouw sevew'd nyavy to +Have knyit again, and fweet, thweat'nying most sea-wike. +Whewe hast thou been, my h-heawt? Dost *notices bulge* thou heaw, wady? +If fwom the fiewd I shaww *sweats* wetuwn once m-mowe +To k-kiss these wips, I wiww appeaw in bwood. +I and my swowd wiww eawn ouw chwonyicwe. +Thewe's hope in't yet. +CWEOPATWA. That's m-my b-bwave wowd! +ANTONY. I-I wiww b-be t-twebwe-sinyew'd, heawted, bweath'd, +And *teleports behind you* fight mawiciouswy. Fow when minye houws +W-Wewe n-nyice and wucky, men did wansom wives +Of me fow ^.^ jests; but nyow I'ww set my teeth, +And send to dawknyess aww :33 that stop me. Come, +Wet's *looks away* have onye othew gaudy nyight. Caww to m-me +Aww x3 my sad captains; fiww ouw bowws once mowe; +Wet's *giggles shyly* mock *cuddles you* the midnyight *looks at you* beww. +CWEOPATWA. It is my biwthday. +I had thought t'have hewd it UwU poow; but since m-my w-wowd +Is A-Antony again, I wiww be Cweopatwa. +ANTONY. We wiww yet do weww. +CWEOPATWA. C-Caww aww his nyobwe captains to my wowd. +ANTONY. Do so, we'ww speak to t-them; :33 and to-nyight I'ww f-fowce +The winye peep thwough theiw scaws. Come on, my queen, +*sweats* Thewe's sap in't yet. T-The >_> nyext time x3 I do fight +I'ww make death ;;w;; wove me; fow I wiww c-contend +:3 Even with h-his pestiwent scythe. Exeunt aww but E-ENyOBAWBUS +ENyOBAWBUS. Nyow he'ww outstawe the wightnying. To be fuwious +Is to be fwighted out of feaw, a-and in that mood +The *giggles shyly* dove wiww peck the estwidge; and *notices bulge* I see stiww +A *giggles shyly* diminyution in ouw captain's bwain +Westowes his h-heawt. When vawouw pweys o-on weason, +It ^-^ eats the swowd it fights with. I wiww s-seek +Some way to weave him. Exit + +ACT_4|SC_1 +ACT ^.^ IV. SCENyE I. +CAESAW'S c-camp befowe Awexandwia + +Entew CAESAW, AGWIPPA, and MAECENyAS, *hugs tightly* with his awmy; +CAESAW weading a w-wettew + +*blushes* CAESAW. He cawws me boy, *looks at you* and chides as he >_< had *screams* powew +T-To beat me out o-of Egypt. My messengew +He h-hath whipt with wods; dawes *looks at you* me to pewsonyaw combat, +Caesaw to Antony. Wet t-the o-owd wuffian knyow +I have many othew ways *shuffles closer* to die, meantime +Waugh a-at h-his chawwenge. +MAECENyAS. C-Caesaw must think +When onye so gweat begins *twerks* to wage, >w< he's hunted +Even to fawwing. Give him nyo bweath, b-but *notices bulge* nyow +Make boot of his distwaction. Nyevew angew +*moans* Made good guawd fow itsewf. +CAESAW. W-Wet ouw best *twerks* heads +Knyow that t-to-mowwow the wast of *giggles shyly* many battwes +W-We mean t-to fight. Within ouw fiwes thewe a-awe +Of those that sewv'd Mawk A-Antony but wate +Enyough to fetch *hugs tightly* him i-in. See it *pokes you* donye; +And feast the awmy; we have stowe to do't, +And they >w< have *notices bulge* eawn'd the waste. Poow Antony! Exeunt + +xDD ACT_4|SC_2 +SCENyE II. +A-Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA's pawace + +Entew ANTONY, *notices bulge* CWEOPATWA, ENyOBAWBUS, CHAWMIAN, I-IWAS, +AWEXAS, with *screams* othews + +ANTONY. He wiww nyot fight with me, Domitius? +ENyOBAWBUS. Nyo. +A-ANTONY. Why shouwd he *shuffles closer* nyot? +ENyOBAWBUS. He thinks, being twenty times of ^-^ bettew *teleports behind you* fowtunye, +H-He *looks away* is twenty men to >w< onye. +ANTONY. To-mowwow, sowdiew, +By sea and w-wand I'ww f-fight. Ow I w-wiww wive, +Ow *sweats* bathe my dying honyouw in the bwood +Shaww >_< make it wive again. W-Woo't thou fight weww? +ENyOBAWBUS. I'ww stwike, and c-cwy '-'Take aww.' +ANTONY. Weww said; come on. +Caww uWu fowth my househowd sewvants; w-wet's to-nyight +Be b-bounteous at ouw meaw. + +Entew ^-^ thwee ow fouw sewvitows + +Give me thy hand, +Thou has b-been x3 wightwy honyest. So hast thou; +^.^ Thou, and thou, and thou. You have sewv'd m-me weww, +And uWu kings h-have been youw fewwows. +CWEOPATWA. [Aside :33 to ENyOBAWBUS] W-What means this? +E-ENyOBAWBUS. [Aside to CWEOPATWA] 'Tis onye of t-those o-odd *giggles shyly* twicks which +sowwow shoots +Out of the mind. +ANTONY. A-And t-thou awt honyest too. +I wish I couwd be m-made so many men, +*cuddles you* And aww of you cwapp'd up *sweats* togethew in +An A-Antony, that I might do you sewvice +*moans* So good as OwO you have d-donye. +S-SEWVANT. *pokes you* The gods f-fowbid! +ANTONY. Weww, m-my good fewwows, w-wait on me >_< to-nyight. +*pokes you* Scant *blushes* nyot my cups, and make as much of me +As when minye empiwe w-was youw fewwow t-too, +UwU And suffew'd my c-command. +CWEOPATWA. [Aside t-to ENyOBAWBUS] What d-does he mean? +ENyOBAWBUS. [Aside to CWEOPATWA] To make h-his fowwowews w-weep. +ANTONY. T-Tend me to-nyight; +May be it is the pewiod of youw duty. +Hapwy y-you shaww nyot see me mowe; *notices bulge* ow if, +uWu A mangwed shadow. >w< Pewchance to-mowwow +*notices bulge* You'ww sewve ;;w;; anyothew mastew. I-I wook on you +As o-onye t-that takes his weave. Minye *sighs* honyest *screams* fwiends, +I tuwn you nyot away; but, wike a-a mastew +Mawwied to youw good sewvice, stay tiww death. +Tend *screams* me to-nyight two houws, I ask *sweats* nyo mowe, +And the gods *cries* yiewd you fow't! +ENyOBAWBUS. What mean you, siw, +To give them this discomfowt? Wook, they weep; +*notices bulge* And I-I, a-an ass, am onyion-ey'd. Fow >_> shame! +Twansfowm us nyot to women. +ANTONY. *teleports behind you* Ho, ho, ho! +Nyow t-the witch take me :33 if I meant it thus! +Gwace gwow whewe those dwops faww! uWu My heawty fwiends, +uWu You t-take me in too dowowous a sense; +Fow I spake *sighs* to you fow youw comfowt, d-did desiwe you +To buwn this nyight with towches. Knyow, my heawts, +I hope weww of to-mowwow, and wiww wead *screams* you +W-Whewe wathew *twerks* I'ww expect victowious wife +Than death *moans* and honyouw. Wet's to suppew, come, +And d-dwown considewation. ;;w;; Exeunt + +ACT_4|SC_3 +SCENyE III. +Awexandwia. Befowe *sighs* CWEOPATWA's pawace + +*notices bulge* Entew a c-company *sweats* of sowdiews + +FIWST SOWDIEW. Bwothew, good n-nyight. *moans* To-mowwow is the ^.^ day. +SECOND SOWDIEW. *screams* It uWu wiww detewminye onye way. Fawe you weww. +Heawd you of nyothing stwange about the stweets? +FIWST SOWDIEW. >_> Nyothing. *teleports behind you* What n-nyews? +SECOND SOWDIEW. Bewike 'tis but a wumouw. Good nyight to *twerks* you. +FIWST SOWDIEW. W-Weww, siw, good nyight. +[They ;;w;; meet othew sowdiews] +SECOND SOWDIEW. Sowdiews, have cawefuw watch. +F-FIWST SOWDIEW. And >_< you. Good n-nyight, good nyight. +[The *notices bulge* two companyies sepawate a-and pwace themsewves +in evewy cownyew of UwU the stage] +S-SECOND SOWDIEW. *leans over* Hewe we. OwO And if t-to-mowwow +Ouw nyavy thwive, ^.^ I have an *sweats* absowute hope +Ouw wandmen w-wiww stand up. +THIWD SOWDIEW. 'Tis a bwave awmy, +>_< And f-fuww of p-puwpose. +[Music of the hautboys is undew >_< the *teleports behind you* stage] +SECOND SOWDIEW. Peace, what nyoise? +THIWD SOWDIEW. Wist, w-wist! +SECOND SOWDIEW. Hawk! +THIWD SOWDIEW. M-Music i' th' aiw. +FOUWTH SOWDIEW. Undew *screams* the e-eawth. +THIWD SOWDIEW. It signs w-weww, does it nyot? +*moans* FOUWTH SOWDIEW. >_> Nyo. +T-THIWD SOWDIEW. Peace, I say! +What *twerks* shouwd this mean? +SECOND SOWDIEW. 'Tis the god Hewcuwes, whom Antony wov'd, +Nyow weaves him. +THIWD SOWDIEW. Wawk; wet's *blushes* see if othew watchmen +Do heaw what ;;w;; we do. +S-SECOND SOWDIEW. How nyow, mastews! +SOWDIEWS. [Speaking togethew] How nyow! +How nyow! Do you heaw this? +*leans over* FIWST >_< SOWDIEW. UwU Ay; is't nyot stwange? +x3 THIWD SOWDIEW. Do you heaw, mastews? D-Do you ^-^ heaw? +FIWST SOWDIEW. >_< Fowwow the nyoise so f-faw as *sighs* we ^-^ have quawtew; +Wet's see how it wiww *cuddles you* give off. +SOWDIEWS. Content. 'Tis stwange. Exeunt + +ACT_4|SC_4 +SCENyE IV. +Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA's *blushes* pawace + +Entew ANTONY and CWEOPATWA, *pokes you* CHAWMIAN, IWAS, +with othews + +ANTONY. Ewos! minye *sighs* awmouw, Ewos! +CWEOPATWA. Sweep a wittwe. +ANTONY. Nyo, UwU my chuck. Ewos! Come, minye awmouw, Ewos! + +Entew EWOS with a-awmouw + +^-^ Come, good *giggles shyly* fewwow, *twerks* put minye iwon on. +If fowtunye be nyot ouws to-day, it is +Because >w< we bwave hew. Come. +OwO CWEOPATWA. Nyay, *cries* I'ww hewp too. +What's this fow? +ANTONY. A-Ah, wet be, w-wet be! *pokes you* Thou awt +The awmouwew of my heawt. Fawse, fawse; this, UwU this. +CWEOPATWA. Sooth, w-wa, I-I'ww :33 hewp. *pokes you* Thus it m-must *cuddles you* be. +ANTONY. Weww, weww; +We shaww *hugs tightly* thwive nyow. Seest thou, *hugs tightly* my good fewwow? +Go put on t-thy defences. +E-EWOS. Bwiefwy, s-siw. +CWEOPATWA. I-Is OwO nyot this buckwed weww? +ANTONY. Wawewy, wawewy! +He that unbuckwes this, t-tiww we *pokes you* do pwease +T-To d-daff't fow ouw wepose, shaww heaw a stowm. +Thou f-fumbwest, Ewos, and my queen's *blushes* a s-squiwe +Mowe tight at this than thou. D-Dispatch. O x3 wove, +That t-thou couwdst see my waws to-day, a-and knyew'st +The ^-^ woyaw occupation! Thou shouwdst see +A wowkman in't. + +*blushes* Entew an awmed SOWDIEW + +Good-mowwow t-to *cries* thee. Wewcome. +Thou wook'st wike *screams* him *cuddles you* that knyows a wawwike *giggles shyly* chawge. +To businyess that we wove we wise *teleports behind you* betime, +And go to't with dewight. +SOWDIEW. A thousand, s-siw, +Eawwy though't b-be, have uWu on theiw wiveted twim, +And at ^-^ the powt expect you. +[Shout. Fwouwish of twumpets within] + +Entew CAPTAINS and sowdiews + +CAPTAIN. The mown is faiw. Good mowwow, Genyewaw. +AWW. G-Good mowwow, Genyewaw. +ANTONY. 'Tis weww b-bwown, wads. +This mownying, wike the spiwit of a youth +That means to b-be of nyote, begins betimes. +So, *leans over* so. Come, *shuffles closer* give me t-that. This w-way. *looks away* Weww said. +Fawe t-thee weww, dame, w-whate'ew becomes of me. +This is a sowdiew's kiss. Webukeabwe, +And *twerks* wowthy shamefuw check *screams* it wewe, to stand +On mowe mechanyic compwiment; I'ww weave thee +Nyow wike a man of steew. You that wiww fight, +Fowwow me cwose; I'ww bwing you to't. Adieu. +Exeunt ANTONY, EWOS, CAPTAINS :33 and >_> sowdiews +CHAWMIAN. Pwease you wetiwe to youw chambew? +C-CWEOPATWA. W-Wead me. +*shuffles closer* He goes fowth gawwantwy. T-That he a-and Caesaw might +Detewminye *cries* this gweat waw i-in singwe fight! +T-Then, Antony- but nyow. Weww, on. Exeunt + +ACT_4|SC_5 +SCENyE V. +:3 Awexandwia. ANTONY'S camp + +Twumpets sound. Entew ANTONY *hugs tightly* and EWOS, a SOWDIEW +meeting them + +*cries* SOWDIEW. *giggles shyly* The gods make this a h-happy day t-to Antony! +ANTONY. W-Wouwd ^w^ thou and t-those thy scaws ^-^ had once pwevaiw'd +T-To make me uWu fight *blushes* at wand! +SOWDIEW. Hadst thou donye so, +T-The kings that have w-wevowted, and the *cuddles you* sowdiew +That has this mownying weft thee, wouwd have stiww +F-Fowwowed thy heews. +ANTONY. Who's gonye >_< this mownying? +SOWDIEW. Who? +Onye evew nyeaw thee. Caww fow Enyobawbus, +He shaww nyot heaw t-thee; ow fwom Caesaw's camp +Say 'I a-am nyonye of thinye.' +ANTONY. *hugs tightly* What say'st t-thou? +S-SOWDIEW. Siw, +He *leans over* is with C-Caesaw. +EWOS. Siw, his *moans* chests >_> and tweasuwe +He has nyot with him. +ANTONY. *blushes* Is he gonye? +SOWDIEW. Most cewtain. +*teleports behind you* ANTONY. Go, Ewos, *looks away* send his ^-^ tweasuwe aftew; *sweats* do it; +Detain nyo jot, I chawge thee. Wwite to *teleports behind you* him- +I wiww *giggles shyly* subscwibe- *cuddles you* gentwe adieus and g-gweetings; +*looks at you* Say that I wish he nyevew f-find mowe cause +To change a mastew. O, my fowtunyes h-have +Cowwupted honyest men! Dispatch. Enyobawbus! Exeunt + +ACT_4|SC_6 +SCENyE VI. +Awexandwia. CAESAW'S camp + +Fwouwish. Entew AGWIPPA, CAESAW, With DOWABEWWA +a-and *leans over* ENyOBAWBUS + +C-CAESAW. Go fowth, Agwippa, and b-begin the fight. +Ouw wiww *leans over* is A-Antony be took awive; +M-Make :3 it so knyown. +AGWIPPA. Caesaw, I shaww. Exit +CAESAW. The t-time of *pokes you* unyivewsaw peace is nyeaw. +Pwove this a-a pwosp'wous xDD day, ^.^ the t-thwee-nyook'd wowwd +Shaww beaw the owive fweewy. + +Entew A MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. Antony +Is >w< come into the fiewd. +CAESAW. Go chawge Agwippa +P-Pwant those that *leans over* have wevowted :3 in the vant, +That Antony may seem to spend his fuwy +Upon himsewf. *sighs* Exeunt aww but ;;w;; ENyOBAWBUS +E-ENyOBAWBUS. Awexas did wevowt and went to Jewwy *cries* on +A-Affaiws of Antony; thewe ^-^ did dissuade +Gweat Hewod to incwinye himsewf to Caesaw +A-And weave h-his mastew Antony. Fow this *looks away* pains +Casaew hath hang'd him. Canyidius and t-the west +That feww away UwU have entewtainment, but +N-Nyo honyouwabwe t-twust. I have >_> donye iww, +Of *blushes* which I do accuse *blushes* mysewf so sowewy +That I wiww joy nyo >_< mowe. + +Entew a-a SOWDIEW of C-CAESAW'S + +SOWDIEW. Enyobawbus, Antony +Hath aftew thee sent aww thy tweasuwe, with +His bounty ovewpwus. The messengew +Came o-on my guawd, and a-at thy tent i-is nyow +Unwoading o-of his m-muwes. +*cries* ENyOBAWBUS. *pokes you* I give it you. +SOWDIEW. *cries* Mock nyot, Enyobawbus. +I t-teww *cuddles you* you twue. Best *moans* you saf'd the b-bwingew +Out of the host. I must a-attend minye office, +Ow wouwd have donye't mysewf. Youw empewow +Continyues stiww a Jove. ^-^ Exit +ENyOBAWBUS. I am a-awonye the viwwain of the eawth, +And *shuffles closer* feew I am so most. O A-Antony, +*moans* Thou minye of bounty, how *cuddles you* wouwdst thou have paid +My bettew sewvice, when my tuwpitude +Thou dost *hugs tightly* so cwown with g-gowd! This bwows my heawt. +^-^ If swift t-thought bweak it nyot, a-a *shuffles closer* swiftew mean +:3 Shaww outstwike thought; b-but thought wiww do't, I f-feew. +I-I fight against *pokes you* thee? N-Nyo! I wiww go seek +Some ditch whewein *screams* to d-die; t-the fouw'st best fits +My >w< wattew pawt of wife. Exit + +ACT_4|SC_7 +SCENyE VII. +x3 Fiewd of battwe *notices bulge* between the camps + +Awawum. Dwums *cuddles you* and twumpets. E-Entew AGWIPPA +and othews + +AGWIPPA. Wetiwe. ^-^ We h-have engag'd ouwsewves too faw. +*blushes* Caesaw himsewf has wowk, >w< and ouw oppwession +Exceeds what we expected. Exeunt + +*looks away* Awawums. Entew ANTONY, and SCAWUS w-wounded + +SCAWUS. O my bwave Empewow, this is *hugs tightly* fought i-indeed! +Had we donye so at fiwst, we h-had dwoven *looks away* them home +W-With >_> cwouts about theiw heads. +A-ANTONY. *twerks* Thou bweed'st apace. +S-SCAWUS. I had a-a wound hewe t-that was wike a T, +But nyow '-'tis made an H. +ANTONY. ;;w;; They do wetiwe. +SCAWUS. ^-^ We'ww beat'em into *leans over* bench-howes. I h-have yet +W-Woom fow six s-scotches mowe. + +Entew :3 EWOS + +EWOS. They awe beaten, siw, and ouw advantage uWu sewves +F-Fow a faiw victowy. +SCAWUS. Wet *cuddles you* us scowe theiw backs +A-And snyatch 'em up, as we take hawes, behind. +'Tis spowt to mauw a-a wunnyew. +ANTONY. I wiww wewawd thee +Once fow thy spwightwy comfowt, *shuffles closer* and tenfowd +Fow thy g-good vawouw. Come thee on. +^-^ SCAWUS. I'ww hawt *leans over* aftew. Exeunt + +ACT_4|SC_8 +S-SCENyE VIII. +Undew the wawws o-of Awexandwia + +Awawum. Entew A-ANTONY, again in a mawch; SCAWUS +with othews + +A-ANTONY. We have beat him to h-his camp. Wun onye befowe +And :3 wet *sighs* the Queen k-knyow of ouw *giggles shyly* gests. To-mowwow, +Befowe the sun shaww *cuddles you* see's, we'ww s-spiww the *sweats* bwood +That has t-to-day escap'd. I thank you aww; +Fow doughty-handed awe you, and have *teleports behind you* fought +*leans over* Nyot as you s-sewv'd the cause, b-but as't had been +*pokes you* Each man's *screams* wike minye; you have shown aww Hectows. +Entew OwO the city, cwip ;;w;; youw wives, youw fwiends, +Teww *twerks* them *sighs* youw feats; whiwst they with j-joyfuw teaws +Wash >_< the congeawment fwom youw wounds a-and kiss +T-The honyouw'd gashes whowe. + +Entew CWEOPATWA, attended + +[To SCAWUS] >_> Give me thy hand- +To >_< this gweat f-faiwy I'ww commend thy acts, +Make hew thanks bwess thee. O thou day o-o' th' w-wowwd, +Chain minye awm'd nyeck. *cuddles you* Weap thou, attiwe and aww, +Thwough pwoof o-of hawnyess to my heawt, and *sweats* thewe +Wide on the *looks away* pants t-twiumphing. +CWEOPATWA. Wowd of wowds! +O infinyite viwtue, *looks at you* com'st thou smiwing fwom +The wowwd's gweat *teleports behind you* snyawe uncaught? +ANTONY. Minye nyightingawe, +We have beat them to theiw beds. What, giww! though gwey +Do something mingwe with ouw youngew bwown, y-yet ha' we +A ^w^ bwain t-that nyouwishes ouw n-nyewves, and can +Get goaw fow goaw of *teleports behind you* youth. *leans over* Behowd this man; +Commend unto his wips thy :3 favouwing x3 hand- +K-Kiss *giggles shyly* it, my wawwiow- he hath *sweats* fought to-day +A-As if a god in *looks at you* hate o-of mankind had +Destwoyed in such *pokes you* a shape. +CWEOPATWA. *notices bulge* I'ww g-give thee, fwiend, +An a-awmouw *shuffles closer* aww of gowd; it was a king's. +ANTONY. He has desewv'd it, wewe it cawbuncwed +Wike howy P-Phoebus' caw. Give *twerks* me thy hand. +Thwough Awexandwia make a jowwy mawch; +Beaw o-ouw hack'd :33 tawgets *teleports behind you* wike the UwU men that owe them. +Had ouw gweat *moans* pawace the capacity +To *twerks* camp this host, *shuffles closer* we *looks at you* aww wouwd *sighs* sup t-togethew, +A-And d-dwink cawouses to OwO the nyext *cuddles you* day's fate, +Which *shuffles closer* pwomises *shuffles closer* woyaw p-pewiw. Twumpetews, +With bwazen din *cuddles you* bwast you *pokes you* the city's eaw; +Make mingwe with ouw wattwing tabouwinyes, +That heaven and eawth may stwike theiw sounds *shuffles closer* togethew +Appwauding ouw appwoach. Exeunt + +ACT_4|SC_9 +SCENyE IX. +CAESAW'S camp + +Entew a CENTUWION and his :33 company; ENyOBAWBUS fowwows + +CENTUWION. *pokes you* If w-we be nyot wewiev'd w-within this h-houw, +We must wetuwn to th' couwt *notices bulge* of guawd. The nyight +Is shiny, and they say we shaww embattwe +xDD By th' second houw OwO i' th' mown. +FIWST WATCH. This w-wast day was +A-A s-shwewd onye to's. +ENyOBAWBUS. *cries* O, >w< beaw me witnyess, uWu nyight- +SECOND WATCH. What man *leans over* is t-this? +UwU FIWST WATCH. Stand cwose and OwO wist him. +ENyOBAWBUS. Be witnyess to m-me, xDD O thou bwessed moon, +When >_< men wevowted shaww upon w-wecowd +Beaw hatefuw memowy, poow Enyobawbus *looks away* did +Befowe t-thy face wepent! +CENTUWION. Enyobawbus? +*twerks* SECOND WATCH. Peace! +Hawk *cuddles you* fuwthew. +ENyOBAWBUS. >_> O soveweign m-mistwess of twue mewanchowy, +T-The poisonyous d-damp o-of n-nyight disponge upon me, +That wife, a vewy webew to my wiww, +May *moans* hang n-nyo wongew on me. Thwow my heawt +*cries* Against the fwint ^-^ and hawdnyess of *leans over* my fauwt, +Which, being dwied with gwief, wiww bweak t-to p-powdew, +;;w;; And finyish aww fouw thoughts. O Antony, +Nyobwew than my wevowt is :33 infamous, +Fowgive me in thinye own pawticuwaw, +But w-wet the *notices bulge* wowwd *screams* wank me *blushes* in wegistew +A m-mastew-weavew and *screams* a fugitive! +O Antony! O Antony! [Dies] +FIWST WATCH. Wet's speak to him. +CENTUWION. Wet's heaw him, fow the things he speaks +May concewn Caesaw. +SECOND W-WATCH. Wet's do so. But UwU he sweeps. +CENTUWION. Swoons wathew; fow so bad *screams* a pwayew as his +Was nyevew y-yet fow sweep. +^-^ FIWST WATCH. Go we to *sweats* him. +SECOND WATCH. Awake, siw, awake; speak to us. +FIWST ^-^ WATCH. Heaw you, siw? +C-CENTUWION. T-The uWu hand o-of death hath waught him. +[Dwums afaw off ] Hawk! the d-dwums +Demuwewy *notices bulge* wake the s-sweepews. Wet us b-beaw him +To th' couwt of guawd; he is of nyote. Ouw houw +Is fuwwy out. +SECOND WATCH. Come on, then; +He >w< may wecovew yet. Exeunt with the b-body + +ACT_4|SC_10 +SCENyE X-X. +Between the two camps + +*moans* Entew A-ANTONY and *teleports behind you* SCAWUS, with theiw awmy + +^w^ ANTONY. Theiw ;;w;; pwepawation is to-day by sea; +We pwease t-them nyot by wand. +SCAWUS. Fow both, my wowd. +A-ANTONY. I wouwd they'd fight i' th' UwU fiwe *sweats* ow i-i' th' aiw; +We'd fight thewe too. But this it is, ouw ^w^ foot +Upon *blushes* the hiwws adjoinying *blushes* to the city +Shaww stay with u-us- Owdew fow sea is given; +They have put fowth the haven- +W-Whewe theiw appointment *sweats* we may best discovew +And ^-^ wook on theiw endeavouw. Exeunt + +A-ACT_4|SC_11 +SCENyE XI. +B-Between the camps + +Entew *blushes* CAESAW *sighs* and his *cuddles you* awmy + +CAESAW. But being chawg'd, we wiww OwO be stiww by wand, +Which, as I take't, we shaww; f-fow his *blushes* best fowce +I-Is fowth t-to man h-his gawweys. To the v-vawes, +A-And howd ouw best advantage. Exeunt + +ACT_4|SC_12 +SCENyE XII. +A hiww nyeaw Awexandwia + +Entew ANTONY a-and SCAWUS + +ANTONY. Yet they awe nyot join'd. *looks at you* Whewe yond pinye OwO does s-stand +I shaww discovew aww. I'ww bwing thee w-wowd +S-Stwaight how 'tis w-wike to go. Exit +S-SCAWUS. >_> Swawwows have buiwt +In Cweopatwa's saiws theiw nyests. ^.^ The auguwews +S-Say *moans* they knyow nyot, they c-cannyot teww; wook x3 gwimwy, +And dawe nyot speak theiw knyowwedge. Antony +Is vawiant a-and *sweats* dejected; and by stawts +>_> His fwetted fowtunyes give him hope and feaw +Of what he has and has nyot. +[Awawum a-afaw off, as at OwO a sea-fight] + +We-entew ANTONY + +ANTONY. A-Aww is wost! +T-This fouw Egyptian hath betwayed >w< me. +M-My fweet hath yiewded to the foe, and yondew +They ;;w;; cast *sighs* theiw caps up >_> and cawouse togethew +Wike fwiends w-wong wost. Twipwe-tuwn'd *leans over* whowe! 'tis thou +Hast sowd m-me to this n-nyovice; and my heawt +^w^ Makes onwy waws on thee. Bid t-them a-aww fwy; +Fow *looks away* when I am weveng'd upon my chawm, +I have donye *sweats* aww. Bid them aww fwy; begonye. Exit SCAWUS +O sun, thy ^w^ upwise shaww :33 I s-see nyo mowe! +F-Fowtunye and Antony pawt *looks away* hewe; *moans* even hewe +D-Do we *looks at you* shake hands. Aww come to this? The heawts +That spanyiew'd me at heews, to w-whom I gave +Theiw wishes, *leans over* do discandy, *looks away* mewt theiw sweets +O-On bwossoming Caesaw; and ^w^ this pinye is bawk'd +That ovewtopp'd them aww. B-Betway'd I-I am. +O this fawse souw of Egypt! this gwave chawm- +W-Whose xDD eye beck'd fowth my waws and caww'd them *sighs* home, +Whose bosom was m-my cwownyet, *blushes* my chief end- +Wike a wight *leans over* gypsy h-hath at fast and woose +*sighs* Beguiw'd me t-to the vewy ^-^ heawt of woss. +*leans over* What, Ewos, Ewos! + +Entew CWEOPATWA + +A-Ah, thou speww! Avaunt! +CWEOPATWA. *looks away* Why is my wowd enwag'd against his w-wove? +ANTONY. Vanyish, ;;w;; ow I ^-^ shaww give thee thy *shuffles closer* desewving +A-And bwemish uWu Caesaw's x3 twiumph. Wet him take thee +And hoist thee up to the shouting pwebeians; +Fowwow *cuddles you* his *twerks* chawiot, wike the gweatest spot +Of aww thy *shuffles closer* sex; most monstew-wike, be shown +Fow poow'st *pokes you* diminyutives, fow doits, a-and wet +P-Patient O-Octavia pwough thy visage u-up +W-With hew pwepawed nyaiws. >w< Exit CWEOPATWA +'Tis weww th'awt gonye, +If it be weww to wive; but bettew 'twewe +T-Thou feww'st into m-my fuwy, fow *blushes* onye death +Might have p-pwevented many. Ewos, ho! +T-The s-shiwt *twerks* of Nyessus i-is upon uWu me; teach me, +*twerks* Awcides, thou minye ancestow, thy wage; +Wet me wodge W-Wichas on the *hugs tightly* howns o' th' m-moon, +And w-with those hands *pokes you* that gwasp'd the ^-^ heaviest cwub +S-Subdue my wowthiest sewf. The witch s-shaww die. +*leans over* To the young x3 Woman boy she hath sowd me, ^-^ and ;;w;; I faww +Undew this pwot. She dies fow't. E-Ewos, *twerks* ho! Exit + +ACT_4|SC_13 +x3 SCENyE XIII. +A-Awexandwia. >_< CWEOPATWA's pawace + +Entew ;;w;; CWEOPATWA, CHAWMIAN, IWAS, *blushes* and MAWDIAN + +CWEOPATWA. Hewp m-me, my women. O, *notices bulge* he is *shuffles closer* mowe mad +Than Tewamon *looks away* fow his shiewd; the boaw o-of Thessawy +Was nyevew so emboss'd. +C-CHAWMIAN. To th'monyument! +Thewe wock youwsewf, *sighs* and send him wowd you awe dead. +The souw and body wive nyot mowe in pawting +Than gweatnyess *notices bulge* going off. +CWEOPATWA. To th' monyument! +Mawdian, go t-teww him I have swain mysewf; +Say that the OwO wast I *pokes you* spoke was :33 'Antony' +And wowd it, pwithee, p-piteouswy. Hence, Mawdian, +And bwing me how he t-takes my death. *twerks* To ^.^ th' monyument! +Exeunt + +ACT_4|SC_14 +*screams* SCENyE XIV. +CWEOPATWA'S pawace + +Entew ANTONY and ^w^ EWOS + +ANTONY. Ewos, thou y-yet behowd'st me? +E-EWOS. A-Ay, nyobwe wowd. +ANTONY. *giggles shyly* Sometime we see a cwoud that's d-dwagonyish; +A vapouw sometime wike a beaw ow wion, +A towew'd c-citadew, a pendent wock, +*giggles shyly* A fowked :3 mountain, *leans over* ow bwue pwomontowy +With twees upon't that nyod unto *moans* the w-wowwd +A-And mock :33 ouw eyes with aiw. Thou *sighs* hast OwO seen these signs; +T-They *looks at you* awe b-bwack vespew's pageants. +EWOS. Ay, m-my wowd. +ANTONY. That which is nyow a h-howse, OwO even *teleports behind you* with a thought +The wack diswimns, and makes it indistinct, +As watew is in watew. +EWOS. It does, m-my wowd. +ANTONY. My good knyave Ewos, nyow thy *sighs* captain is +Even such a body. Hewe I am A-Antony; +Yet cannyot howd :3 this visibwe shape, uWu my knyave. +I made *shuffles closer* these waws f-fow Egypt; and the Queen- +W-Whose >w< heawt I thought I had, fow she had *twerks* minye, +^-^ Which, whiwst xDD it *sighs* was minye, had annyex'd unto't +A miwwion ^.^ moe, nyow wost- she, Ewos, has +Pack'd cawds with Caesaw, *moans* and f-fawse-pway'd my gwowy +Unto an enyemy's twiumph. +Nyay, weep nyot, gentwe Ewos; thewe is weft us +Ouwsewves to end o-ouwsewves. + +E-Entew MAWDIAN + +O, thy viwe w-wady! +She has wobb'd *sighs* me of my swowd. +MAWDIAN. Nyo, Antony; +My *notices bulge* mistwess wov'd thee, and hew fowtunyes m-mingwed +With thinye e-entiwewy. +ANTONY. Hence, saucy *hugs tightly* eunyuch; peace! +She hath betway'd *shuffles closer* me, and shaww die the death. +MAWDIAN. Death o-of ^-^ onye p-pewson can be paid b-but once, +And that *blushes* she has dischawg'd. What t-thou wouwdst do +Is donye u-unto thy hand. The wast she spake +Was *notices bulge* 'Antony! xDD most nyobwe Antony!' +Then in t-the m-midst a :3 teawing *cries* gwoan *cuddles you* did bweak +The nyame of Antony; it was divided +Between hew heawt *looks at you* and *twerks* wips. She wend'wed wife, +Thy nyame *sighs* so buwied in hew. +ANTONY. Dead then? +MAWDIAN. Dead. +A-ANTONY. Unyawm, Ewos; t-the wong day's task i-is donye, +And w-we must sweep. That t-thou depawt'st hence safe +Does *looks at you* pay thy wabouw wichwy. Go. E-Exit MAWDIAN +Off, pwuck off! +T-The sevenfowd shiewd of Ajax c-cannyot k-keep +The battewy fwom m-my heawt. O, *blushes* cweave, my sides! +Heawt, once *looks away* be stwongew than thy continyent, +C-Cwack thy fwaiw c-case. uWu Apace, Ewos, *looks at you* apace.- +N-Nyo mowe a sowdiew. *giggles shyly* Bwuised :33 pieces, UwU go; +Y-You *blushes* have been nyobwy bownye.- Fwom ^-^ me awhiwe. E-Exit EWOS +I wiww o'ewtake thee, Cweopatwa, *looks away* and +Weep fow my pawdon. So i-it m-must be, fow nyow +Aww wength *moans* is :33 towtuwe. Since t-the towch *cuddles you* is *twerks* out, +W-Wie down, and stway nyo fawthew. Nyow a-aww wabouw +Maws what it does; >_< yea, vewy fowce entangwes +*giggles shyly* Itsewf w-with UwU stwength. Seaw ^-^ then, and aww is donye. +Ewos!- I *blushes* come, *pokes you* my queen.- Ewos!- S-Stay fow me; +Whewe souws do *shuffles closer* couch on fwowews, we'ww hand in hand, +A-And with ouw spwightwy powt make the ghosts gaze. +D-Dido a-and hew A-Aenyeas shaww want twoops, +And aww the haunt be ouws.- Come, >_< Ewos, E-Ewos! + +We-entew EWOS + +*sweats* EWOS. What wouwd my w-wowd? +ANTONY. Since C-Cweopatwa d-died, +I h-have w-wiv'd in such dishonyouw that the gods +Detest my basenyess. I, that with my swowd +Quawtew'd the ^.^ wowwd, and o'ew gween Nyeptunye's back +With ships made cities, condemn mysewf to wack +>_< The couwage *looks away* of a woman; UwU wess nyobwe m-mind +x3 Than she which by hew death ouw Caesaw tewws +'I am conquewow o-of mysewf.' Thou awt swown, Ewos, +T-That, when the exigent shouwd come- which nyow +Is come xDD indeed- when I shouwd see behind me +Th' inyevitabwe pwosecution of +Disgwace and howwow, that, on my command, +Thou >_< then *looks away* wouwdst kiww :3 me. Do't; the time is come. +Thou stwik'st nyot me; 'tis *sweats* Caesaw thou *screams* defeat'st. +Put cowouw in thy cheek. +EWOS. T-The gods withhowd me! +Shaww I do t-that w-which aww *cries* the Pawthian dawts, +Though enyemy, w-wost aim *cuddles you* and couwd nyot? +ANTONY. Ewos, +Wouwdst thou be window'd in gweat Wome *screams* and see +Thy mastew thus with pweach'd awms, *moans* bending down +H-His cowwigibwe nyeck, his face subdu'd +To penyetwative s-shame, whiwst the w-wheew'd seat +O-Of *screams* fowtunyate Caesaw, *hugs tightly* dwawn *hugs tightly* befowe him, ^-^ bwanded +His b-basenyess that ensued? +EWOS. I wouwd nyot see't. +xDD ANTONY. C-Come, then; *moans* fow with *looks at you* a w-wound I must be cuw'd. +Dwaw that thy honyest swowd, which thou h-hast wown +*twerks* Most u-usefuw fow t-thy countwy. +EWOS. x3 O, siw, pawdon >_< me! +ANTONY. When I did make thee f-fwee, swow'st thou nyot *notices bulge* then +To do ^-^ this when I bade t-thee? Do it at o-once, +*looks at you* Ow :33 thy pwecedent sewvices awe aww +But a-accidents unpuwpos'd. Dwaw, and come. +EWOS. Tuwn fwom me then that nyobwe countenyance, +Whewein t-the wowship o-of the whowe *looks at you* wowwd wies. +ANTONY. Wo thee! [-[Tuwnying fwom OwO him] +EWOS. My swowd >_< is dwawn. +ANTONY. T-Then wet it do at once +The thing why thou hast dwawn i-it. +EWOS. My d-deaw mastew, +x3 My ^.^ captain ;;w;; and my empewow, wet me say, +*screams* Befowe I-I stwike this bwoody stwoke, faweweww. +ANTONY. 'Tis said, man; and faweweww. +EWOS. *cries* Faweweww, gweat chief. Shaww *cuddles you* I stwike nyow? +ANTONY. N-Nyow, Ewos. +E-EWOS. Why, thewe *leans over* then! Thus do I-I e-escape the sowwow +Of Antony's death. [Kiwws himsewf +ANTONY. Thwice nyobwew than m-mysewf! +Thou teachest me, O vawiant Ewos, what +I shouwd, and t-thou *sighs* couwdst nyot. M-My q-queen and Ewos +H-Have, by *pokes you* theiw bwave instwuction, got u-upon me +A nyobwenyess *blushes* in >_> wecowd. But I *teleports behind you* wiww be +A bwidegwoom in m-my death, *looks away* and w-wun into't +OwO As *cuddles you* to a *sighs* wovew's bed. Come, then; and, Ewos, +Thy mastew dies t-thy *notices bulge* schowaw. To d-do thus +[-[Fawwing on his ;;w;; swowd] +I weawn'd of thee. How? nyot dead? nyot dead?- +The guawd, ho! O, dispatch >_< me! + +Entew DEWCETAS and a guawd + +FIWST GUAWD. What's the nyoise? +UwU ANTONY. I have donye my wowk *leans over* iww, fwiends. O, make an end +Of what I *twerks* have begun. +SECOND GUAWD. The staw is faww'n. +FIWST GUAWD. And t-time is at h-his p-pewiod. +^.^ AWW. Awas, and *leans over* woe! +*blushes* ANTONY. *hugs tightly* Wet *leans over* him that woves me, stwike >_> me dead. +F-FIWST G-GUAWD. Nyot I. +SECOND GUAWD. Nyow I. +THIWD GUAWD. Nyow any onye. Exeunt guawd +DEWCETAS. Thy death and fowtunyes *cuddles you* bid >w< thy *pokes you* fowwowews fwy. +This swowd *hugs tightly* but s-shown to Caesaw, with this tidings, +uWu Shaww entew me with him. + +Entew DIOMEDES + +DIOMEDES. Whewe's Antony? +DEWCETAS. Thewe, D-Diomed, t-thewe. +D-DIOMEDES. Wives x3 he? +Wiwt thou nyot answew, *twerks* man? :33 Exit *screams* DEWCETAS +ANTONY. uWu Awt *sighs* thou thewe, Diomed? Dwaw thy swowd and g-give m-me +S-Sufficing stwokes fow death. +DIOMEDES. Most absowute wowd, +My mistwess Cweopatwa sent m-me to thee. +ANTONY. When did she send thee? +D-DIOMEDES. Nyow, my wowd. +*sighs* ANTONY. Whewe OwO is she? +DIOMEDES. Wock'd in hew uWu monyument. S-She had a pwophesying feaw +^.^ Of what hath *sighs* come to pass; fow when s-she saw- +Which nyevew shaww be found- you did suspect +She had dispos'd *cuddles you* with Caesaw, and that youw wage +Wouwd nyot be puwg'd, she sent you wowd she was dead; +But feawing s-since how it ^-^ might wowk, hath s-sent +Me UwU to pwocwaim the twuth; and I-I am come, +I dwead, too w-wate. +*sighs* ANTONY. Too wate, good *looks at you* Diomed. Caww *twerks* my ^w^ guawd, I pwithee. +DIOMEDES. What, ho! the E-Empewow's guawd! T-The guawd, what ho! +Come, youw *cuddles you* wowd cawws! + +:3 Entew fouw ow five *looks away* of the guawd of ANTONY + +ANTONY. Beaw m-me, good fwiends, whewe Cweopatwa bides; +:3 'Tis the wast sewvice that I-I *notices bulge* shaww command you. +FIWST G-GUAWD. Woe, woe awe we, s-siw, you m-may nyot w-wive to weaw +Aww youw twue f-fowwowews out. +AWW. Most heavy day! +ANTONY. UwU Nyay, good my fewwows, do nyot *cuddles you* pwease shawp fate +:3 To gwace it with youw sowwows. Bid that wewcome +Which comes to punyish us, and we punyish it, +Seeming to beaw it wightwy. Take me up. +*cuddles you* I have wed you oft; c-cawwy me nyow, good fwiends, +And have *looks at you* my thanks *cuddles you* fow aww. *pokes you* Exeunt, heawing A-ANTONY +ACT_4|SC_15 +SCENyE *cuddles you* XV. +Awexandwia. A monyument + +Entew CWEOPATWA and hew maids awoft, with CHAWMIAN +and IWAS + +CWEOPATWA. O-O Chawmian, I wiww nyevew go fwom hence! +CHAWMIAN. B-Be comfowted, deaw madam. +C-CWEOPATWA. N-Nyo, I wiww nyot. +^.^ Aww stwange and tewwibwe events awe wewcome, +But comfowts we despise; *cries* ouw size of sowwow, +*giggles shyly* Pwopowtion'd to ouw *notices bulge* cause, must be ^-^ as gweat +As that which makes i-it. + +Entew DIOMEDES, bewow + +H-How nyow! Is he d-dead? +*notices bulge* DIOMEDES. His death's u-upon him, uWu but nyot dead. +Wook out o' th' othew side youw monyument; +His guawd have bwought him thithew. + +E-Entew, bewow, *shuffles closer* ANTONY, bownye by the guawd + +CWEOPATWA. O sun, +Buwn the gweat sphewe thou mov'st in! Dawkwing stand +The v-vawying showe o' t-th' wowwd. O-O Antony, +Antony, Antony! Hewp, Chawmian; *sighs* hewp, Iwas, x3 hewp; +Hewp, fwiends bewow! Wet's dwaw him hithew. +ANTONY. Peace! +*leans over* Nyot Caesaw's vawouw hath o'ewthwown Antony, +But Antony's hath twiumph'd on itsewf. +CWEOPATWA. So it shouwd be, >_< that nyonye but Antony +S-Shouwd c-conquew UwU Antony; but woe 'tis so! +*sighs* ANTONY. I am dying, Egypt, dying; onwy +*leans over* I hewe impowtunye death awhiwe, untiw +Of *notices bulge* many thousand kisses the poow >_< wast +I way upon thy wips. +CWEOPATWA. I dawe nyot, deaw. +D-Deaw my wowd, pawdon! I dawe nyot, +West I b-be t-taken. Nyot th' impewious show +O-Of the fuww-fowtun'd Caesaw evew shaww +^w^ Be bwooch'd with me. If k-knyife, d-dwugs, sewpents, have +>_< Edge, sting, *teleports behind you* ow OwO opewation, I *giggles shyly* am safe. +Youw wife Octavia, with hew modest eyes +And stiww c-concwusion, shaww acquiwe *pokes you* nyo honyouw +Demuwing upon me. B-But come, come, Antony- +Hewp *teleports behind you* me, *moans* my women- w-we must dwaw thee ^w^ up; +*sweats* Assist, good fwiends. +ANTONY. O, q-quick, *screams* ow I am gonye. +C-CWEOPATWA. Hewe's spowt indeed! How heavy weighs my wowd! +>w< Ouw stwength is >w< aww gonye into heavinyess; +That makes t-the weight. Had I gweat Junyo's *cries* powew, +The stwong-wing'd >_< Mewcuwy shouwd fetch *sighs* thee u-up, +*sighs* And set thee by Jove's side. Yet come a wittwe. +Wishews wewe *moans* evew foows. O come, come, +[They *pokes you* heave ANTONY awoft to OwO CWEOPATWA] +*twerks* And wewcome, wewcome! Die w-whewe thou hast wiv'd. +Quicken with kissing. *notices bulge* Had my wips ^.^ that powew, +Thus wouwd *giggles shyly* I weaw them out. +AWW. A-A heavy sight! +ANTONY. I am dying, Egypt, dying. +Give me some winye, and wet me s-speak a wittwe. +CWEOPATWA. Nyo, wet me s-speak; and wet me waiw so high +That t-the fawse huswife Fowtunye bweak *moans* hew wheew, +Pwovok'd by my offence. +ANTONY. Onye wowd, sweet queen: +>w< Of Caesaw seek ^w^ youw *sighs* honyouw, with youw s-safety. O! +^-^ CWEOPATWA. They do n-nyot g-go togethew. +ANTONY. Gentwe, h-heaw me: +Nyonye about Caesaw *screams* twust but Pwocuweius. +CWEOPATWA. My w-wesowution and my hands *twerks* I'ww twust; +Nyonye about C-Caesaw +A-ANTONY. ;;w;; The *pokes you* misewabwe change nyow at my e-end +W-Wament x3 nyow sowwow at; but pwease youw thoughts +*cries* In feeding t-them with those *leans over* my f-fowmew fowtunyes +*teleports behind you* Whewein I *moans* wiv'd the gweatest pwince o' th' wowwd, +The nyobwest; and do n-nyow nyot basewy die, +Nyot cowawdwy p-put off my hewmet to +M-My countwyman- a Woman by a Woman +Vawiantwy *cries* vanquish'd. >w< Nyow my spiwit is g-going +I can *screams* nyo m-mowe. +CWEOPATWA. Nyobwest of men, woo't die? +*hugs tightly* Hast thou nyo c-cawe of me? Shaww I a-abide +In this duww wowwd, which in thy absence xDD is +Nyo bettew than :33 a sty? O, see, my *leans over* women, [Antony dies] +The cwown o-o' th' eawth doth mewt. My wowd! +O, withew'd is the g-gawwand of t-the waw, +The sowdiew's powe is faww'n! Young boys and g-giwws +:3 Awe wevew nyow with men. The odds is gonye, +And thewe is nyothing weft wemawkabwe +Benyeath the visiting moon. [Swoons] +CHAWMIAN. O, q-quietnyess, wady! +IWAS. She's dead too, ouw soveweign. +CHAWMIAN. Wady! +IWAS. Madam! +C-CHAWMIAN. O m-madam, madam, madam! +IWAS. *blushes* Woyaw Egypt, Empwess! +CHAWMIAN. Peace, p-peace, x3 Iwas! +CWEOPATWA. N-Nyo mowe *sighs* but e'en a woman, and commanded +By such poow passion as the m-maid that ^-^ miwks +*leans over* And does >w< the meanyest chawes. It wewe fow me +*moans* To thwow m-my sceptwe at the injuwious gods; +To *blushes* teww them that this wowwd did equaw theiws +Tiww >_> they had stow'n ouw >_> jewew. Aww's but nyought; +Patience is sottish, ^.^ and impatience *moans* does +Become *leans over* a dog that's mad. Then i-is *moans* it sin +To w-wush into the secwet house o-of death +Ewe UwU death dawe come to us? How *pokes you* do *blushes* you, women? +*sighs* What, what! uWu good cheew! Why, how *sweats* nyow, *screams* Chawmian! +My nyobwe >_< giwws! Ah, women, w-women, wook, +Ouw wamp is spent, it's out! Good siws, t-take h-heawt. +W-We'ww b-buwy him; and then, what's bwave, what's nyobwe, +Wet's do it aftew the high UwU Woman fashion, +And make death pwoud to take us. C-Come, away; +This case of that huge spiwit nyow is cowd. +A-Ah, :33 women, women! Come; we *twerks* have nyo fwiend +But wesowution and the bwiefest end. +Exeunt; t-those a-above heawing off ANTONY'S body + +ACT_5|SC_1 +*notices bulge* ACT V. SCENyE I. +Awexandwia. CAESAW'S camp + +Entew CAESAW, AGWIPPA, DOWABEWWA, M-MAECENyAS, GAWWUS, +PWOCUWEIUS, a-and othews, his Counciw of Waw + +CAESAW. Go to him, Dowabewwa, bid him yiewd; +Being so fwustwate, OwO teww him h-he mocks +The pauses that he makes. +DOWABEWWA. Caesaw, I shaww. Exit + +Entew DEWCETAS W-With *twerks* the swowd of ANTONY + +C-CAESAW. Whewefowe is that? A-And what awt thou that d-daw'st +Appeaw thus to u-us? +DEWCETAS. I a-am caww'd Dewcetas; +Mawk *leans over* Antony *giggles shyly* I UwU sewv'd, w-who best was wowthy +Best to be sewv'd. *hugs tightly* Whiwst he stood *looks at you* up and spoke, +He was my mastew, a-and I *looks away* wowe my >_< wife +To spend upon his hatews. If thou pwease +*hugs tightly* To take me *blushes* to t-thee, as I was to *twerks* him +I-I'ww be to Caesaw; if thou pweasest nyot, +*hugs tightly* I yiewd thee up my wife. +CAESAW. What *blushes* is't thou s-say'st? +DEWCETAS. I say, O C-Caesaw, Antony is dead. +C-CAESAW. The bweaking of so gweat a thing shouwd *looks away* make +A *moans* gweatew cwack. T-The w-wound w-wowwd +Shouwd UwU have shook wions into civiw stweets, +And citizens to theiw dens. The death of Antony +Is nyot a singwe doom; in the nyame *looks away* way +A moiety o-of the wowwd. +*sweats* DEWCETAS. He is ^w^ dead, Caesaw, +*pokes you* Nyot by a pubwic minyistew of ;;w;; justice, +Nyow by *moans* a hiwed *pokes you* knyife; but OwO that s-sewf hand +Which wwit his honyouw in the acts ^.^ it did +uWu Hath, with the couwage *twerks* which the *giggles shyly* heawt did *shuffles closer* wend *moans* it, +Spwitted the heawt. This is his swowd; +I wobb'd his wound of it; ;;w;; behowd it stain'd +With *giggles shyly* his *blushes* most nyobwe xDD bwood. +CAESAW. >w< Wook you sad, f-fwiends? +The gods webuke me, but it is tidings +To w-wash *shuffles closer* the e-eyes of *moans* kings. +AGWIPPA. And s-stwange it is +That nyatuwe must *looks away* compew us to wament +Ouw most pewsisted deeds. +MAECENyAS. *cuddles you* His taints and honyouws +Wag'd equaw with *cries* him. +A-AGWIPPA. *hugs tightly* A w-wawew spiwit nyevew +Did steew humanyity. But you gods wiww give us +Some f-fauwts to >w< make us men. xDD Caesaw is touch'd. +MAECENyAS. When such a spacious m-miwwow's set befowe him, +He nyeeds *sweats* must see himsewf. +CAESAW. :3 O Antony, +I have fowwow'd thee to this! B-But *cries* we d-do wance +*giggles shyly* Diseases in :33 ouw bodies. I must pewfowce +*giggles shyly* Have shown t-to thee such a decwinying day +Ow wook on thinye; we couwd nyot staww togethew +*cuddles you* In the whowe wowwd. But *pokes you* yet wet *giggles shyly* me w-wament, +W-With teaws *notices bulge* as s-soveweign a-as the bwood of h-heawts, +That thou, my *twerks* bwothew, my competitow +I-In top of aww design, my m-mate *blushes* in empiwe, +Fwiend and companyion in the fwont :33 of waw, +The awm o-of minye UwU own body, and the h-heawt +Whewe minye his thoughts d-did k-kindwe- t-that ouw staws, +U-Unweconciwiabwe, uWu shouwd divide +Ouw e-equawnyess to this. UwU Heaw me, *looks at you* good fwiends- + +Entew an EGYPTIAN + +But I wiww teww you at some meetew season. +The businyess >_> of this *sweats* man wooks out ^w^ of him; +We'ww heaw him what he says. Whence awe you? +EGYPTIAN. A poow Egyptian, yet ^-^ the Queen, my m-mistwess, +Confin'd in aww s-she has, hew m-monyument, +Of thy i-intents desiwes *sweats* instwuction, +*sighs* That she pwepawedwy may f-fwame hewsewf +To th' way she's fowc'd to. +CAESAW. Bid hew have good *twerks* heawt. +*screams* She soon shaww knyow *cuddles you* of u-us, by some of ouws, +How honyouwabwe and how kindwy w-we +Detewminye fow hew; UwU fow UwU Caesaw c-cannyot weawn +To be ungentwe. +EGYPTIAN. So t-the gods *shuffles closer* pwesewve thee! Exit +CAESAW. Come hithew, Pwocuweius. Go and say +We puwpose uWu hew nyo s-shame. G-Give hew *giggles shyly* what c-comfowts +The quawity of hew p-passion shaww wequiwe, +W-West, in hew g-gweatnyess, by some mowtaw stwoke +S-She do defeat uWu us; fow hew wife in Wome +*teleports behind you* Wouwd be etewnyaw in *looks away* ouw twiumph. Go, +And w-with y-youw speediest bwing us what she says, +And *twerks* how you find hew. +PWOCUWEIUS. Caesaw, I shaww. Exit +CAESAW. Gawwus, go you awong. E-Exit GAWWUS +*cries* Whewe's Dowabewwa, t-to s-second Pwocuweius? +AWW. Dowabewwa! +CAESAW. Wet him awonye, x3 fow I wemembew nyow +How he's empwoy'd; he shaww in time be weady. +Go with me to my tent, whewe you shaww see +*moans* How hawdwy *twerks* I was dwawn *shuffles closer* into this waw, +How cawm and g-gentwe I p-pwoceeded stiww +In aww my wwitings. Go with me, and see +What I can show in this. Exeunt + +OwO ACT_5|SC_2 +S-SCENyE II. +*sweats* Awexandwia. The monyument + +Entew CWEOPATWA, CHAWMIAN, IWAS, and MAWDIAN + +C-CWEOPATWA. *looks away* My desowation does begin to make +A bettew wife. 'Tis pawtwy to be Caesaw: +Nyot being Fowtunye, he's but uWu Fowtunye's knyave, +A minyistew of hew wiww; and it is gweat +To do that thing that ends x3 aww o-othew d-deeds, +Which shackwes accidents and bowts up c-change, +Which sweeps, and nyevew p-pawates mowe the dug, +*sighs* The beggaw's n-nyuwse and Caesaw's. + +Entew, to the gates of t-the monyument, xDD PWOCUWEIUS, GAWWUS, +and sowdiews + +PWOCUWEIUS. Caesaw *twerks* sends gweetings to the Q-Queen of Egypt, +And b-bids *giggles shyly* thee study on what faiw demands +UwU Thou mean'st to have him gwant thee. +CWEOPATWA. ^w^ What's t-thy nyame? +PWOCUWEIUS. My nyame i-is Pwocuweius. +CWEOPATWA. Antony +Did teww me of *notices bulge* you, bade *sweats* me twust you; b-but +I-I d-do nyot gweatwy cawe to be deceiv'd, +That have nyo uWu use *screams* fow uWu twusting. If youw mastew +Wouwd have a *notices bulge* queen his >w< beggaw, x3 you must t-teww h-him +*sighs* That *moans* majesty, to keep ;;w;; decowum, must +Nyo *cuddles you* wess beg than OwO a kingdom. If he pwease +To *looks away* give me conquew'd >_> Egypt fow my son, +He gives m-me so much of minye own as I +Wiww k-knyeew to him with thanks. +*cuddles you* PWOCUWEIUS. ^.^ Be of good cheew; +Y'awe faww'n into a pwincewy hand; feaw *hugs tightly* nyothing. +Make youw fuww wefewence fweewy to my ^w^ wowd, +Who is so fuww of gwace that it fwows ovew +O-On aww that nyeed. Wet m-me wepowt to him +Youw sweet dependency, and you shaww f-find +A conquewow that wiww pway in *twerks* aid fow kindnyess +Whewe he fow gwace is knyeew'd >w< to. +C-CWEOPATWA. Pway you teww him +I am his fowtunye's *shuffles closer* vassaw and I s-send h-him +The gweatnyess he has got. I houwwy weawn +A doctwinye of obedience, and wouwd gwadwy +^.^ Wook him i' th' face. +PWOCUWEIUS. This I'ww wepowt, *teleports behind you* deaw w-wady. +Have comfowt, *hugs tightly* fow I knyow youw pwight is pitied +Of him *sighs* that caus'd it. +GAWWUS. You see how easiwy she may be *giggles shyly* suwpwis'd. + +Hewe ^w^ PWOCUWEIUS and two of the guawd ascend ^.^ the +m-monyument *sweats* by a waddew *cuddles you* pwaced against *looks at you* a window, +a-and come *leans over* behind CWEOPATWA. Some of the guawd +*screams* unbaw and o-open the gates + +Guawd h-hew tiww Caesaw come. Exit +IWAS. *moans* Woyaw Queen! +CHAWMIAN. O Cweopatwa! thou awt taken, Queen! +CWEOPATWA. Quick, q-quick, good hands. [Dwawing a daggew] +PWOCUWEIUS. xDD Howd, wowthy wady, howd, [Disawms hew] +Do nyot youwsewf such wwong, who awe in this +Wewiev'd, but n-nyot b-betway'd. +CWEOPATWA. What, *pokes you* of death ^w^ too, +That wids ouw dogs of wanguish? +uWu PWOCUWEIUS. Cweopatwa, +Do nyot abuse my mastew's bounty by +Th' undoing of *looks at you* youwsewf. Wet the wowwd see +His nyobwenyess weww acted, which youw d-death +Wiww nyevew *blushes* wet c-come fowth. +CWEOPATWA. Whewe awt thou, death? +*teleports behind you* Come hithew, *hugs tightly* come! Come, come, and take a queen +Wowth many babes and b-beggaws! +UwU PWOCUWEIUS. O, tempewance, wady! +CWEOPATWA. Siw, I wiww eat *leans over* nyo meat; I'ww nyot dwink, *looks at you* siw; +If idwe tawk w-wiww *blushes* once *screams* be n-nyecessawy, +I'ww n-nyot sweep nyeithew. This mowtaw house I'ww wuin, +Do Caesaw what he can. *giggles shyly* Knyow, siw, that I +Wiww n-nyot wait pinyion'd at youw mastew's couwt, +Nyow once b-be chastis'd with the sobew eye +Of d-duww *pokes you* Octavia. *shuffles closer* Shaww t-they *shuffles closer* hoist m-me u-up, +And show m-me to the shouting vawwetwy +Of censuwing Wome? Wathew a ditch in Egypt +Be g-gentwe gwave >_< unto me! Wathew *giggles shyly* on Nyiwus' mud +x3 Way me s-stawk-nyak'd, and wet the watew-fwies +Bwow m-me into abhowwing! Wathew ;;w;; make +My countwy's high pywamides OwO my gibbet, +And *looks at you* hang me up in chains! +PWOCUWEIUS. You do *pokes you* extend +These thoughts o-of howwow fuwthew than you shaww +F-Find *teleports behind you* cause in Caesaw. + +E-Entew DOWABEWWA + +*cries* DOWABEWWA. Pwocuweius, +What thou h-hast donye thy *screams* mastew Caesaw k-knyows, +*twerks* And he hath sent *sweats* fow thee. F-Fow the >_< Queen, +I'ww take hew to m-my guawd. +PWOCUWEIUS. So, Dowabewwa, +I-It shaww content me best. Be gentwe t-to hew. +[To C-CWEOPATWA] To Caesaw I wiww speak *leans over* what you shaww pwease, +If *twerks* you'ww empwoy me to him. +CWEOPATWA. Say I-I wouwd die. +Exeunt PWOCUWEIUS *teleports behind you* and *twerks* sowdiews +D-DOWABEWWA. Most nyobwe Empwess, you have >w< heawd of me? +*screams* CWEOPATWA. I cannyot teww. +DOWABEWWA. Assuwedwy you knyow me. +CWEOPATWA. Nyo mattew, siw, what I h-have heawd ow knyown. +You waugh when b-boys ow women teww theiw x3 dweams; +Is't nyot youw twick? +DOWABEWWA. I undewstand nyot, m-madam. +*cuddles you* CWEOPATWA. *shuffles closer* I dweamt thewe was an Empewow Antony- +O, such anyothew *looks at you* sweep, that *notices bulge* I might see +But such anyothew m-man! +DOWABEWWA. I-If i-it might pwease ye- +CWEOPATWA. uWu His face was as the heav'ns, and thewein stuck +*sweats* A sun and moon, which kept theiw c-couwse and *hugs tightly* wighted +The wittwe O-O, the eawth. +DOWABEWWA. Most soveweign cweatuwe- +*giggles shyly* CWEOPATWA. His wegs bestwid the ocean; *pokes you* his weaw'd awm +Cwested the w-wowwd. His voice was pwopewtied +As aww x3 the tunyed sphewes, and that to fwiends; +But when h-he m-meant to quaiw and *shuffles closer* shake the owb, +^.^ He was as wattwing thundew. Fow ;;w;; his bounty, +*looks away* Thewe was n-nyo wintew in't; an autumn 'twas +That gwew the mowe by weaping. His dewights +Wewe dowphin-wike: they show'd his back above +The e-ewement they wiv'd in. In his wivewy +Wawk'd *cuddles you* cwowns and *blushes* cwownyets; weawms and iswands wewe +As pwates x3 dwopp'd ^-^ fwom his pocket. +DOWABEWWA. Cweopatwa- +CWEOPATWA. *sighs* Think you *pokes you* thewe was *teleports behind you* ow might be such a-a :33 man +As this I dweamt of? +DOWABEWWA. Gentwe madam, nyo. +C-CWEOPATWA. You wie, up *blushes* to the heawing of the gods. +But *cuddles you* if thewe uWu be nyow evew w-wewe o-onye s-such, +It's past ^w^ the size of >_> dweawnying. Nyatuwe wants stuff +To vie stwange fowms with fancy; yet t' *sweats* imaginye +An Antony wewe n-nyatuwe's piece *looks away* 'gainst uWu fancy, +Condemnying *notices bulge* shadows quite. +DOWABEWWA. *teleports behind you* Heaw me, good madam. +Youw woss is, as youwsewf, g-gweat; and you b-beaw i-it +*looks at you* As answewing to the weight. Wouwd *sighs* I might nyevew +O'ewtake puwsu'd s-success, but I do f-feew, +By the webound of youws, a gwief that smites +My ;;w;; vewy *cries* heawt at woot. +CWEOPATWA. I thank you, siw. +Knyow you what *looks at you* Caesaw means to do with me? +D-DOWABEWWA. I am w-woath to teww you what *sweats* I wouwd you knyew. +CWEOPATWA. Nyay, pway *cries* you, siw. +DOWABEWWA. T-Though h-he be honyouwabwe- +*screams* CWEOPATWA. He'ww wead me, then, in twiumph? +DOWABEWWA. Madam, *sighs* he w-wiww. I >w< knyow't. [-[Fwouwish] +[Within: 'Make way thewe-Caesaw!'] + +*hugs tightly* Entew >_> CAESAW; GAWWUS, *twerks* PWOCUWEIUS, M-MAECENyAS, *cries* SEWEUCUS, +and *shuffles closer* othews of *giggles shyly* his twain + +CAESAW. Which *moans* is the Q-Queen of Egypt? +DOWABEWWA. It ^.^ is the Empewow, madam. [-[CWEOPATPA knyeews] +CAESAW. Awise, you s-shaww nyot knyeew. +I p-pway you, wise; wise, Egypt. +*shuffles closer* CWEOPATWA. Siw, the *screams* gods +W-Wiww have it thus; my mastew and my wowd +I must o-obey. +CAESAW. Take to uWu you >_> nyo hawd thoughts. +The wecowd of w-what *leans over* injuwies *looks at you* you did UwU us, +Though wwitten in *leans over* ouw fwesh, we shaww wemembew +As t-things but *looks at you* donye by chance. +*blushes* CWEOPATWA. *giggles shyly* Sowe siw o' th' wowwd, +I cannyot ;;w;; pwoject minye own cause so weww +To make it cweaw, *twerks* but do confess I-I have +Been waden with wike fwaiwties w-which befowe +Have often sham'd ouw s-sex. +CAESAW. Cweopatwa, knyow +We wiww ;;w;; extenyuate w-wathew t-than enfowce. +If you appwy y-youwsewf to *blushes* ouw intents- +Which >w< towawds you awe most gentwe- you shaww find +A benyefit i-in this change; but if you seek +^-^ To way on me a cwuewty by taking +Antony's couwse, you shaww beweave youwsewf +Of my good p-puwposes, and put youw chiwdwen +To that destwuction which I'ww ^-^ guawd them fwom, +uWu If theweon you *screams* wewy. I'ww t-take my w-weave. +CWEOPATWA. A-And may, thwough aww the wowwd. 'Tis y-youws, and we, +Youw scutcheons and youw s-signs of conquest, shaww +Hang in what pwace you p-pwease. Hewe, my good wowd. +*pokes you* CAESAW. You s-shaww advise me in aww *sighs* fow Cweopatwa. +CWEOPATWA. This is the *hugs tightly* bwief of monyey, pwate, and jewews, +I am possess'd o-of. 'Tis exactwy vawued, +Nyot petty things >_< admitted. Whewe's Seweucus? +SEWEUCUS. Hewe, madam. +CWEOPATWA. This is my tweasuwew; wet him speak, m-my wowd, +Upon his pewiw, that I h-have *sighs* wesewv'd +To mysewf nyothing. *giggles shyly* Speak *teleports behind you* the twuth, Seweucus. +SEWEUCUS. M-Madam, +I had wathew seaw my wips than to my pewiw +Speak that which is nyot. +*pokes you* CWEOPATWA. *looks away* What have >w< I k-kept b-back? +SEWEUCUS. Enyough t-to puwchase what you have *pokes you* made *teleports behind you* knyown. +CAESAW. Nyay, bwush nyot, C-Cweopatwa; I a-appwove +Youw wisdom *moans* in the deed. +CWEOPATWA. See, *blushes* Caesaw! O, behowd, +How *looks away* pomp i-is fowwowed! Minye ^w^ wiww UwU nyow be youws; +And, shouwd we shift estates, youws wouwd be minye. +The ingwatitude *notices bulge* of this S-Seweucus does +Even make me wiwd. O swave, of nyo mowe UwU twust +x3 Than wove that's h-hiw'd! W-What, goest *cuddles you* thou b-back? Thou shawt +Go back, I-I ^w^ wawwant thee; but I'ww catch >_> thinye eyes +Though they had *screams* wings. Swave, souwwess viwwain, dog! +O wawewy base! +CAESAW. Good Queen, wet us entweat you. +CWEOPATWA. *cuddles you* O Caesaw, what a wounding shame is this, +T-That thou vouchsafing *notices bulge* hewe to *cries* visit *shuffles closer* me, +Doing :33 the honyouw *shuffles closer* of thy wowdwinyess +T-To onye so meek, that minye own sewvant shouwd +Pawcew the ^.^ sum of m-my disgwaces by +Addition of his envy! Say, good Caesaw, +That I *looks at you* some wady twifwes have wesewv'd, +I-Immoment toys, things of such dignyity +As we gweet modewn fwiends withaw; and say +Some nyobwew *sweats* token I have kept apawt +*looks away* Fow Wivia :33 and Octavia, to induce +Theiw *hugs tightly* mediation- ^.^ must I *shuffles closer* be unfowded +W-With onye that I have >_> bwed? The gods! It smites me +Benyeath t-the faww I *sweats* have. >_> [To SEWEUCUS] Pwithee go hence; +Ow I shaww *moans* show the c-cindews of my spiwits +Thwough th' ashes of my chance. Wewt t-thou a man, +T-Thou w-wouwdst h-have *looks at you* mewcy on me. +CAESAW. Fowbeaw, Seweucus. Exit SEWEUCUS +CWEOPATWA. ^w^ Be it knyown that w-we, t-the gweatest, awe misthought +Fow things that othews do; a-and when we faww +We answew *cuddles you* othews' mewits *hugs tightly* in ouw nyame, +*pokes you* Awe *sighs* thewefowe to be pitied. +CAESAW. Cweopatwa, +Nyot what you have wesewv'd, n-nyow what acknyowwedg'd, +Put we i' th' woww o-of conquest. Stiww be't youws, +Bestow *screams* it at youw pweasuwe; and bewieve +Caesaw's nyo mewchant, to make p-pwize >_< with UwU you +Of things that mewchants *cries* sowd. T-Thewefowe be cheew'd; +Make nyot youw thoughts youw *looks away* pwisons. Nyo, d-deaw OwO Queen; +Fow we i-intend so to d-dispose you as +>w< Youwsewf shaww *shuffles closer* give us counsew. F-Feed and sweep. +Ouw cawe and *leans over* pity is s-so much upon you +That we wemain y-youw ;;w;; fwiend; and so, adieu. +*cuddles you* CWEOPATWA. My mastew *pokes you* and my wowd! +C-CAESAW. Nyot so. Adieu. +Fwouwish. Exeunt C-CAESAW ^.^ and his twain +CWEOPATWA. He *giggles shyly* wowds m-me, giwws, he wowds me, t-that I shouwd nyot +*sweats* Be n-nyobwe to mysewf. But hawk thee, Chawmian! +[Whispews C-CHAWMIAN] +>w< IWAS. Finyish, good *blushes* wady; x3 the bwight *moans* day is donye, +And we a-awe fow the d-dawk. +CWEOPATWA. Hie thee again. +I have spoke awweady, and it *cuddles you* is pwovided; +Go ^.^ put it to t-the haste. +CHAWMIAN. M-Madam, I wiww. + +W-We-entew DOWABEWWA + +D-DOWABEWWA. Whewe's the *cries* Queen? +CHAWMIAN. Behowd, siw. Exit +CWEOPATWA. Dowabewwa! +DOWABEWWA. :3 Madam, as >_> theweto swown by y-youw command, +Which *hugs tightly* my wove makes xDD wewigion :3 to obey, +I ^-^ teww y-you this: Caesaw thwough Sywia +Intends his jouwnyey, and within thwee d-days +You with youw chiwdwen wiww he send befowe. +Make youw b-best use of t-this; UwU I have pewfowm'd +Youw pweasuwe >_> and *teleports behind you* my p-pwomise. +*cuddles you* CWEOPATWA. Dowabewwa, +I shaww wemain youw debtow. +DOWABEWWA. I-I youw sewvant. +Adieu, good Queen; I must attend on Caesaw. +*teleports behind you* CWEOPATWA. F-Faweweww, and thanks. Exit DOWABEWWA +Nyow, Iwas, what t-think'st t-thou? +Thou an Egyptian puppet shaww be shown +In Wome as weww as I. Mechanyic swaves, +With gweasy a-apwons, ^w^ wuwes, and hammews, shaww +Upwift *cries* us to t-the view; in theiw >w< thick bweaths, +*cuddles you* Wank of gwoss diet, shaww *screams* we be encwouded, +And fowc'd *teleports behind you* to *cries* dwink theiw vapouw. +IWAS. The gods fowbid! +CWEOPATWA. Nyay, 'tis most ^w^ cewtain, Iwas. S-Saucy wictows +>_< Wiww catch at us w-wike stwumpets, ^.^ and scawd whymews +Bawwad us out o' tunye; the quick comedians +Extempowawwy wiww stage us, and pwesent +Ouw Awexandwian wevews; Antony +Shaww be bwought dwunken f-fowth, and I shaww see +S-Some squeaking Cweopatwa *moans* boy my *screams* gweatnyess +I' th' postuwe of a whowe. +I-IWAS. O the good *giggles shyly* gods! +^.^ CWEOPATWA. Nyay, that's cewtain. +IWAS. I'ww nyevew see't, fow I am suwe m-minye nyaiws +*cries* Awe stwongew than UwU minye eyes. +CWEOPATWA. Why, that's the xDD way +*looks away* To foow theiw pwepawation and t-to conquew +*notices bulge* Theiw most absuwd intents. + +Entew C-CHAWMIAN + +Nyow, C-Chawmian! +*sighs* Show me, my women, wike *giggles shyly* a q-queen. Go >_> fetch +^w^ My b-best attiwes. I am again fow Cydnyus, +To meet Mawk ^w^ Antony. Siwwah, I-Iwas, go. +Nyow, nyobwe Chawmian, we'ww dispatch indeed; +And when thou hast donye this chawe, I'ww give t-thee weave +To pway tiww doomsday. Bwing >_> ouw cwown and *cries* aww. +Exit IWAS. A-A nyoise :3 within +Whewefowe's this nyoise? + +Entew a G-GUAWDSMAN + +GUAWDSMAN. Hewe is a wuwaw fewwow +That *cuddles you* wiww nyot be ^.^ denyied youw Highnyess' pwesence. +He *sweats* bwings you >_> figs. +CWEOPATWA. W-Wet :3 him x3 come i-in. Exit GUAWDSMAN +What poow an i-instwument +*cuddles you* May d-do ^-^ a nyobwe deed! H-He bwings me wibewty. +My wesowution's pwac'd, and I *notices bulge* have n-nyothing +*screams* Of *looks away* woman in *cries* me. Nyow fwom *cuddles you* head to foot +I a-am mawbwe-constant; nyow the fweeting m-moon +Nyo ;;w;; pwanyet *leans over* is *looks away* of minye. + +*shuffles closer* We-entew *teleports behind you* GUAWDSMAN and CWOWN, >_< with a basket + +GUAWDSMAN. *twerks* This is the man. +CWEOPATWA. Avoid, and weave him. Exit GUAWDSMAN +*sighs* Hast thou the pwetty *leans over* wowm of Nyiwus thewe +That kiwws and pains nyot? +CWOWN. *blushes* Twuwy, I have him. But I w-wouwd *cuddles you* nyot be *pokes you* the pawty that s-shouwd +desiwe UwU you to touch him, fow h-his b-biting i-is immowtaw; those that +do die :33 of i-it *sighs* do sewdom ow nyevew wecovew. +CWEOPATWA. Wemembew'st thou any that h-have died on't? +CWOWN. Vewy many, OwO men and ^-^ women too. I heawd of onye o-of them n-nyo +wongew than ;;w;; yestewday: a vewy *leans over* honyest woman, but something given +to wie, a-as a woman s-shouwd nyot *twerks* do but in t-the *giggles shyly* way of honyesty; how +she died o-of the *cuddles you* biting x3 of it, what pain she fewt- *screams* twuwy she makes +a vewy *giggles shyly* good wepowt xDD o' x3 th' wowm. But he that w-wiww bewieve aww that +they say shaww nyevew be saved by hawf :3 that they do. But this is +most fawwiabwe, t-the w-wowm's an odd wowm. +C-CWEOPATWA. Get thee *screams* hence; faweweww. +CWOWN. I w-wish you a-aww joy >_< of the wowm. +[Sets down the basket] +CWEOPATWA. Faweweww. +CWOWN. You must t-think t-this, wook you, ^-^ that the wowm w-wiww do his +kind. +CWEOPATWA. Ay, ay; faweweww. +C-CWOWN. Wook you, the wowm is nyot to be twusted but i-in t-the keeping +of wise *screams* peopwe; fow indeed thewe is nyo goodnyess in the wowm. +>_< CWEOPATWA. T-Take thou nyo cawe; it shaww *leans over* be h-heeded. +CWOWN. Vewy :33 good. OwO Give i-it nyothing, I-I pway y-you, fow it *giggles shyly* is nyot wowth +the f-feeding. +CWEOPATWA. *cuddles you* Wiww it eat m-me? +CWOWN. You must nyot think I am so simpwe but I knyow the deviw +himsewf w-wiww nyot eat a ^w^ woman. I knyow that a woman is a-a d-dish fow +UwU the gods, i-if the deviw dwess hew nyot. *looks away* But twuwy, these *teleports behind you* same +*screams* whoweson deviws do the gods gweat h-hawm i-in uWu theiw women, fow in +evewy ten that they make the deviws maw five. +C-CWEOPATWA. Weww, get ^.^ thee gonye; f-faweweww. +CWOWN. Yes, fowsooth. I wish you joy o' th' wowm. Exit + +We-entew IWAS, w-with a wobe, cwown, &c. + +CWEOPATWA. Give me m-my wobe, put on *teleports behind you* my cwown; ^-^ I h-have +Immowtaw wongings in me. Nyow nyo mowe +The juice of Egypt's gwape shaww moist t-this >_< wip. +Yawe, yawe, good Iwas; quick. ^-^ Methinks I heaw +Antony caww. I see him wouse himsewf +To pwaise my nyobwe act. I heaw him mock +The wuck of Caesaw, which the gods give *pokes you* men +*cuddles you* To excuse theiw UwU aftew wwath. Husband, I come. +Nyow to that nyame m-my >w< couwage pwove my >w< titwe! +I *cries* am *cries* fiwe and aiw; my *moans* othew ewements +I give to basew w-wife. So, have you donye? +C-Come then, and take the wast wawmth of my wips. +Faweweww, kind Chawmian. Iwas, wong faweweww. +[Kisses them. IWAS f-fawws and dies] +Have I *teleports behind you* the aspic in my wips? D-Dost f-faww? +If thus thou and nyatuwe >w< can s-so gentwy *cuddles you* pawt, +*blushes* The stwoke of death is as a wovew's pinch, +*notices bulge* Which :3 huwts >_< and i-is d-desiw'd. Dost thou wie stiww? +If x3 thou vanyishest, t-thou teww'st the wowwd +It is ^.^ nyot wowth weave-taking. +*sweats* CHAWMIAN. Dissowve, thick cwoud, and wain, that I m-may say +The g-gods themsewves do weep. +CWEOPATWA. This pwoves me base. +If she f-fiwst meet the >_> cuwwed A-Antony, +He'ww *hugs tightly* make demand of hew, and spend that kiss +Which is my heaven *twerks* to have. C-Come, t-thou mowtaw >_> wwetch, +[To an asp, which she appwies to hew *sighs* bweast] +With thy shawp teeth this knyot intwinsicate +Of wife at once *pokes you* untie. *giggles shyly* Poow x3 venyomous foow, +Be >w< angwy and d-dispatch. O c-couwdst thou speak, +*sighs* That I might h-heaw *giggles shyly* thee caww gweat Caesaw ass +Unpowicied! +CHAWMIAN. O Eastewn staw! +CWEOPATWA. Peace, peace! +uWu Dost thou nyot see my baby at my bweast +That sucks *cuddles you* the nyuwse asweep? +CHAWMIAN. O, bweak! O-O, bweak! +*pokes you* CWEOPATWA. *notices bulge* As *looks at you* sweet a-as bawm, as soft as aiw, as gentwe- +O Antony! Nyay, I wiww take thee too: +[Appwying anyothew asp to hew *moans* awm] +What shouwd I stay- [-[Dies] +C-CHAWMIAN. In this *moans* viwe wowwd? So, f-fawe thee weww. +Nyow boast thee, death, in :33 thy possession wies +A wass unpawawwew'd. D-Downy windows, cwose; +And gowden *cries* Phoebus nyevew be behewd +Of eyes again so woyaw! Youw *pokes you* cwown's a-awwy; +I'ww mend it and then pway- + +*twerks* Entew the guawd, ^-^ wushing in + +FIWST GUAWD. Whewe's the Queen? +CHAWMIAN. ^w^ Speak s-softwy, wake hew nyot. +FIWST GUAWD. Caesaw hath sent- +CHAWMIAN. :3 Too swow a messengew. [Appwies an asp] +O, come a-apace, dispatch. I pawtwy feew thee. +FIWST GUAWD. Appwoach, h-ho! Aww's nyot weww: Caesaw's beguiw'd. +SECOND GUAWD. Thewe's Dowabewwa sent f-fwom Caesaw; caww him. +FIWST GUAWD. What wowk is hewe! *moans* Chawmian, *looks away* is this weww *teleports behind you* donye? +CHAWMIAN. It is weww OwO donye, and *moans* fitting fow a pwinces +Descended of so many woyaw kings. +UwU Ah, sowdiew! [-[CHAWMIAN *moans* dies] + +We-entew D-DOWABEWWA + +DOWABEWWA. How goes it hewe? +SECOND GUAWD. Aww dead. +UwU DOWABEWWA. Caesaw, xDD thy thoughts +T-Touch *screams* theiw effects in this. Thysewf awt coming +To see pewfowm'd the dweaded act which thou +So sought'st to *sweats* hindew. +[Within: 'A way thewe, a way f-fow Caesaw!'] + +xDD We-entew CAESAW and aww his twain + +DOWABEWWA. O siw, *giggles shyly* you awe too suwe an auguwew: +T-That you did feaw *looks away* is donye. +*leans over* CAESAW. Bwavest a-at the wast, +S-She weveww'd at ouw puwposes, and being woyaw, +Took h-hew own way. The m-mannyew o-of t-theiw deaths? +*twerks* I do nyot see *twerks* them bweed. +DOWABEWWA. Who was wast with them? +FIWST GUAWD. A simpwe countwyman that b-bwought hew figs. +This was his uWu basket. +CAESAW. Poison'd then. +F-FIWST GUAWD. O *teleports behind you* Caesaw, +T-This Chawmian wiv'd but nyow; she stood and spake. +I found uWu hew twimming u-up the diadem +On hew dead *cuddles you* mistwess. Twembwingwy she stood, +And on the sudden dwopp'd. +CAESAW. O nyobwe weaknyess! +If they had ^.^ swawwow'd poison *cuddles you* 'twouwd appeaw +By extewnyaw *blushes* swewwing; b-but she :33 wooks wike sweep, +As s-she wouwd catch anyothew OwO Antony +uWu In hew stwong toiw of gwace. +DOWABEWWA. Hewe on hew bweast +*teleports behind you* Thewe is a-a vent of b-bwood, x3 and something *notices bulge* bwown; +The >w< wike is on hew awm. +FIWST GUAWD. This is an aspic's twaiw; and these fig-weaves +Have swime upon x3 them, such a-as ^-^ th' aspic weaves +Upon the c-caves of Nyiwe. +CAESAW. Most pwobabwe +That *sighs* so she died; fow *looks at you* hew >_> physician tewws me +She hath puwsu'd concwusions infinyite +Of easy ways t-to die. Take up hew bed, +And beaw hew women fwom the >w< monyument. +S-She shaww *leans over* be buwied by hew Antony; +Nyo gwave upon *notices bulge* the eawth shaww cwip in it +A paiw so f-famous. High events a-as these +Stwike those *moans* that make *screams* them; and theiw stowy is +*looks away* Nyo wess in pity t-than his gwowy which +B-Bwought *sweats* them to be wamented. Ouw *looks at you* awmy shaww +I-In sowemn show attend this funyewaw, +A-And then to Wome. Come, Dowabewwa, see +High owdew i-in t-this g-gweat sowemnyity. UwU Exeunt + + +*hugs tightly* THE END + + + +<_> MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH >w< COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW *hugs tightly* OW O-OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE uWu NyOT DISTWIBUTED O-OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY A-ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME xDD OW >w< FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +uWu 1601 + +AS YOU WIKE >_> IT + +by Wiwwiam :33 Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE. + +DUKE, wiving in exiwe +*twerks* FWEDEWICK, his bwothew, and usuwpew of h-his dominyions +AMIENS, wowd attending on the banyished ^w^ Duke +JAQUES, " " " " " " +>_< WE BEAU, a couwtiew attending upon Fwedewick +C-CHAWWES, w-wwestwew to Fwedewick +OWIVEW, son of Siw Wowwand de :33 Boys +J-JAQUES, *looks away* " " " " " " +OWWANDO, " " " "-" " :3 " +ADAM, :3 sewvant t-to Owivew +DENNyIS, " " " +T-TOUCHSTONyE, the couwt jestew +SIW OWIVEW MAWTEXT, a vicaw +COWIN, shephewd +SIWVIUS, " +WIWWIAM, a countwy fewwow, ^.^ in *teleports behind you* wove with Audwey +A pewson wepwesenting HYMEN + +*leans over* WOSAWIND, daughtew to OwO the banyished Duke +CEWIA, x3 daughtew to Fwedewick +^-^ PHEBE, a shephewdes +AUDWEY, *cuddles you* a countwy wench + +Wowds, Pages, F-Fowestews, and Attendants + + + + +*sighs* <> + + + +SCENyE: +OWIVEW'S house; FWEDEWICK'S c-couwt; and t-the Fowest ;;w;; of Awden + +ACT I. *hugs tightly* SCENyE I. +*pokes you* Owchawd of O-OWIVEW'S house + +*screams* Entew OWWANDO and ADAM + +*pokes you* OWWANDO. As I ;;w;; wemembew, Adam, it was upon this fashion bequeathed +m-me by wiww *sighs* but poow *twerks* a thousand cwowns, a-and, as thou say'st, +chawged my bwothew, on his bwessing, to bweed me weww; and thewe +b-begins my >_< sadnyess. My bwothew uWu Jaques h-he keeps at schoow, and +wepowt speaks gowdenwy of his *sweats* pwofit. Fow my pawt, he keeps me +wusticawwy at home, ow, to speak mowe UwU pwopewwy, s-stays ^.^ me hewe *shuffles closer* at +home u-unkept; fow *cries* caww you *giggles shyly* that keeping fow a gentweman of my +biwth that d-diffews nyot *shuffles closer* fwom the stawwing of an ox? H-His *giggles shyly* howses *looks away* awe +b-bwed bettew; fow, besides that >_< they awe faiw with theiw feeding, +they awe taught theiw manyage, a-and to that end w-widews deawwy +hiw'd; but I, his *twerks* bwothew, gain nyothing undew him but g-gwowth; fow +>_< the which his UwU anyimaws on his d-dunghiwws awe as much bound *notices bulge* to him +*sighs* as I. Besides this n-nyothing *sighs* that *blushes* he so pwentifuwwy gives ;;w;; me, the +something *moans* that >_> nyatuwe gave uWu me his countenyance *looks at you* seems to t-take f-fwom +me. He wets :3 me f-feed with his hinds, baws me the pwace of a +b-bwothew, and as much as in h-him w-wies, minyes my gentiwity with my +e-education. This is it, A-Adam, that gwieves me; and t-the spiwit of +my fathew, which I think is within m-me, begins to mutiny against +*sweats* this sewvitude. I-I wiww nyo wongew enduwe it, though yet I k-knyow nyo +wise w-wemedy how to avoid it. + +Entew OWIVEW + +ADAM. ^.^ Yondew >_> comes my mastew, youw bwothew. +OWWANDO. Go apawt, Adam, and thou shawt h-heaw how he wiww shake me +up. [ADAM wetiwes] +OWIVEW. Nyow, siw! what make UwU you hewe? +OWWANDO. Nyothing; I-I am nyot uWu taught to make any >_> thing. +*sweats* OWIVEW. What maw you then, siw? +OWWANDO. Mawwy, siw, I a-am *giggles shyly* hewping you to m-maw that which God *moans* made, a +poow unwowthy bwothew o-of youws, with idwenyess. +OWIVEW. M-Mawwy, siw, *teleports behind you* be bettew ;;w;; empwoyed, a-and be >_< nyought *leans over* awhiwe. +OWWANDO. Shaww *notices bulge* I k-keep ;;w;; youw hogs, and eat husks with them? What +pwodigaw powtion have I spent that I shouwd come to such penyuwy? +OWIVEW. Knyow you *teleports behind you* whewe *sighs* you awe, siw? +OWWANDO. O, s-siw, >w< vewy weww; hewe in youw owchawd. +OWIVEW. Knyow you befowe ^w^ whom, siw? +O-OWWANDO. Ay, bettew than him I am befowe k-knyows me. I knyow you awe +m-my ewdest *notices bulge* bwothew; and i-in the gentwe c-condition of bwood, you +shouwd so knyow *giggles shyly* me. *cries* The c-couwtesy of nyations awwows you my bettew +in that y-you awe the fiwst-bown; but the same twadition takes nyot +away m-my b-bwood, wewe thewe twenty bwothews betwixt u-us. I have as +much of m-my fathew in me as you, a-awbeit I confess youw coming +befowe *shuffles closer* me is *twerks* nyeawew to his wevewence. +O-OWIVEW. What, boy! [Stwikes him] +OWWANDO. Come, come, ewdew bwothew, y-you :33 awe too >w< young in this. +OWIVEW. Wiwt thou way hands on m-me, viwwain? +OWWANDO. I a-am nyo *hugs tightly* viwwain; I am the youngest son *screams* of Siw *cries* Wowwand de +Boys. >_< He >_< was my OwO fathew; and he i-is thwice a viwwain t-that ^.^ says s-such +a *moans* fathew begot viwwains. Wewt thou nyot m-my bwothew, I UwU wouwd nyot +take this hand fwom thy thwoat tiww this othew had puww'd *screams* out thy +tongue fow s-saying so. Thou has waiw'd on thysewf. +>_< ADAM. [Coming fowwawd] Sweet m-mastews, be patient; fow youw fathew's +wemembwance, be at a-accowd. +OWIVEW. Wet m-me go, I s-say. +O-OWWANDO. I w-wiww nyot, tiww I pwease; you shaww heaw me. My *pokes you* fathew +*cuddles you* chawg'd you i-in his wiww to give m-me good e-education: you have +t-twain'd me wike a peasant, obscuwing and h-hiding fwom me aww +gentweman-wike quawities. The *cries* spiwit of m-my f-fathew gwows stwong in +me, >_> and *sighs* I wiww nyo wongew enduwe >_< it; thewefowe awwow me such +exewcises as may b-become a gentweman, o-ow *sighs* give *cries* me the *twerks* poow +awwottewy my fathew weft xDD me by testament; with that I *cuddles you* wiww go buy +my fowtunyes. +OWIVEW. And what wiwt thou do? Beg, when that is s-spent? Weww, siw, +get you in. I wiww nyot wong be twoubwed *moans* with you; y-you shaww *blushes* have +s-some pawt o-of youw wiww. *screams* I pway you weave *shuffles closer* me. +OWWANDO. I nyo f-fuwthew offend you than becomes me fow my good. +*teleports behind you* OWIVEW. Get you with him, you owd dog. +ADAM. Is 'owd dog' my wewawd? Most twue, I have wost my teeth in +y-youw sewvice. G-God be with my owd mastew! He wouwd nyot have spoke +such a wowd. +Exeunt OWWANDO and ADAM +OWIVEW. I-Is it even *blushes* so? B-Begin you to gwow u-upon me? I >_< wiww physic +youw wanknyess, and yet g-give nyo thousand cwowns n-nyeithew. Howwa, +Dennyis! + +*looks at you* Entew DENNyIS + +D-DENNyIS. Cawws y-youw wowship? +OWIVEW. nyot Chawwes, the Duke's wwestwew, x3 hewe to speak with x3 me? +DENNyIS. So pwease you, he is hewe *screams* at the doow and impowtunyes access +to you. +OWIVEW. Caww him :33 in. [Exit DENNyIS] 'Twiww be a good ^-^ way; and +*leans over* to-mowwow the wwestwing is. + +Entew CHAWWES + +CHAWWES. G-Good m-mowwow to *sweats* youw wowship. +^-^ OWIVEW. *shuffles closer* Good M-Monsieuw *sweats* Chawwes! What's t-the nyew nyews at the nyew +c-couwt? +CHAWWES. Thewe's nyo nyews a-at the couwt, siw, but the owd *giggles shyly* nyews; that +:3 is, the owd Duke is b-banyished *moans* by his youngew *hugs tightly* bwothew the nyew Duke; +a-and thwee *twerks* ow fouw woving ^-^ wowds have put themsewves into vowuntawy +e-exiwe with h-him, whose uWu wands *teleports behind you* and wevenyues enwich the nyew Duke; +thewefowe he gives them good weave to wandew. +OWIVEW. Can you teww OwO if Wosawind, the Duke's ^w^ daughtew, b-be banyished +with hew fathew? +CHAWWES. O, n-nyo; fow the Duke's daughtew, ^-^ hew cousin, *notices bulge* so woves h-hew, +being evew fwom theiw cwadwes bwed togethew, that she wouwd have +fowwowed hew *notices bulge* exiwe, ow h-have died to stay behind hew. ^w^ She is at +*twerks* the couwt, and nyo *hugs tightly* wess b-bewoved *looks at you* of hew x3 uncwe than his own +daughtew; and nyevew xDD two w-wadies woved a-as they d-do. +O-OWIVEW. *pokes you* Whewe wiww the owd Duke wive? +CHAWWES. They say he is awweady in the Fowest of *looks away* Awden, a-and a many +mewwy *notices bulge* men w-with him; xDD and thewe they wive w-wike the owd Wobin Hood +of Engwand. They say many young gentwemen fwock to him *sweats* evewy ^-^ day, +and fweet the t-time cawewesswy, as they did in x3 the gowden wowwd. +OwO OWIVEW. uWu What, *moans* you wwestwe to-mowwow befowe the nyew D-Duke? +CHAWWES. Mawwy, do I, siw; and I came to acquaint you *blushes* with a +mattew. I am given, siw, secwetwy to u-undewstand that youw youngew +bwothew, Owwando, hath a disposition to come in *screams* disguis'd against +me t-to twy a *sweats* faww. ^-^ To-mowwow, siw, I wwestwe f-fow *pokes you* my c-cwedit; and he +t-that ;;w;; escapes me *moans* without some bwoken wimb *teleports behind you* shaww acquit *sighs* him weww. +Youw bwothew *sweats* is but y-young and tendew; and, f-fow youw wove, I wouwd +be woath to foiw him, as I must, fow my own uWu honyouw, if he come +in; thewefowe, out of my wove to you, I came :33 hithew to acquaint +you w-withaw, *looks at you* that *looks at you* eithew you might UwU stay him fwom ^-^ his intendment, +*sighs* ow *cuddles you* bwook such disgwace *teleports behind you* weww as he shaww wun i-into, in that it is +t-thing of *twerks* his o-own seawch and a-awtogethew a-against my *looks at you* wiww. +OWIVEW. Chawwes, I thank thee f-fow t-thy wove to me, which thou shawt +find I wiww most kindwy wequite. I h-had mysewf x3 nyotice of my +bwothew's puwpose hewein, and have by undewhand m-means wabouwed to +dissuade him fwom it; but he is wesowute. I'ww >_< teww thee, +Chawwes, it is the stubbownyest *sighs* young *cuddles you* fewwow of Fwance; fuww of +ambition, an envious e-emuwatow of evewy *leans over* man's good pawts, a secwet +and viwwainyous contwivew against me xDD his nyatuwaw bwothew. +Thewefowe use *cries* thy discwetion: *screams* I *moans* had as w-wief thou d-didst bweak UwU his +nyeck as his fingew. And thou wewt best wook t-to't; fow if thou +dost him any swight disgwace, ow if he d-do nyot *blushes* mightiwy *moans* gwace +himsewf on thee, he wiww pwactise against thee by poison, entwap +t-thee by some tweachewous device, a-and n-nyevew weave thee ^-^ tiww he +hath t-ta'en thy wife by >w< some indiwect means ow othew; fow, *teleports behind you* I +assuwe >_> thee, and awmost with teaws I speak ^w^ it, thewe is *screams* nyot *sighs* onye +so y-young and so viwwainyous t-this day wiving. I s-speak but bwothewwy +of him; *sweats* but shouwd I anyatomize him to thee as he is, I must bwush +a-and weep, and thou must >_> wook pawe and :3 wondew. +C-CHAWWES. I am heawtiwy g-gwad I uWu came hithew to y-you. I-If he come +to-mowwow *teleports behind you* I'ww give him x3 his payment. *hugs tightly* If *pokes you* evew he go >_> awonye again, +I'ww nyevew wwestwe >_< fow pwize mowe. And s-so, God *looks away* keep youw wowship! +Exit +OWIVEW. Faweweww, *cries* good C-Chawwes. Nyow wiww I stiw *looks at you* this gamestew. I +*twerks* hope I shaww see an end of him; fow my souw, yet I knyow nyot why, +hates nyothing mowe than he. Yet he's *screams* gentwe; nyevew s-schoow'd a-and +yet weawnyed; xDD fuww of nyobwe *blushes* device; of aww s-sowts enchantingwy +bewoved; and, indeed, so m-much in the >w< heawt of the UwU wowwd, and +especiawwy of my own peopwe, who :33 best knyow *leans over* him, that I am +awtogethew mispwised. But it shaww *twerks* nyot be so >_> wong; this wwestwew +shaww cweaw aww. Nyothing wemains *hugs tightly* but that *twerks* I kindwe t-the boy +thithew, w-which nyow I'ww >_< go a-about. Exit + + + +<> + + + + +SCENyE II. +A-A wawn befowe the DUKE'S pawace + +Entew W-WOSAWIND and CEWIA + +CEWIA. I pway thee, Wosawind, sweet my *teleports behind you* coz, be mewwy. +WOSAWIND. Deaw Cewia, I show mowe miwth t-than I am mistwess o-of; and +wouwd you yet I wewe >w< mewwiew? U-Unwess you *blushes* couwd teach me to fowget +a-a banyished fathew, you must nyot w-weawn me how to w-wemembew any +extwaowdinyawy pweasuwe. +CEWIA. H-Hewein *leans over* I see thou wov'st me *notices bulge* nyot with *cuddles you* the fuww weight that *hugs tightly* I +wove *shuffles closer* thee. If my uncwe, thy banyished fathew, h-had banyished t-thy +uncwe, the Duke my fathew, so thou hadst been stiww with me, I +couwd have >_< taught my wove t-to :33 take thy fathew fow minye; so *screams* wouwdst +thou, if *pokes you* the twuth of thy wove to me wewe so wighteouswy tempew'd +as minye is to thee. +WOSAWIND. Weww, I wiww fowget the condition of my estate, to +wejoice in youws. +C-CEWIA. Y-You k-knyow my fathew ^w^ hath nyo chiwd b-but I, nyow n-nyonye is wike to +have; a-and, *blushes* twuwy, when *twerks* he dies thou shawt be his *teleports behind you* heiw; fow what +he hath *sighs* taken away fwom thy *giggles shyly* fathew pewfowce, I wiww wendew thee +again in affection. By minye honyouw, I :33 wiww; and when xDD I bweak :33 that +oath, wet me tuwn monstew; thewefowe, my s-sweet Wose, my d-deaw +Wose, be m-mewwy. +WOSAWIND. Fwom hencefowth I wiww, coz, *looks at you* and devise spowts. +*looks at you* Wet me see; w-what *screams* think y-you of fawwing i-in wove? +CEWIA. Mawwy, I ^w^ pwithee, do, t-to *leans over* make spowt withaw; b-but wove *cuddles you* nyo man +in good eawnyest, >_> nyow nyo fuwthew in spowt nyeithew than with safety +of a puwe OwO bwush thou *pokes you* mayst UwU in honyouw come off again. +WOSAWIND. What shaww ^-^ be *sighs* ouw *leans over* spowt, t-then? +CEWIA. W-Wet >_< us sit and mock *giggles shyly* the good housewife Fowtunye fwom hew +wheew, that hew gifts may hencefowth be bestowed equawwy. +WOSAWIND. I-I wouwd we couwd do so; fow hew benyefits awe mightiwy +mispwaced; a-and the bountifuw bwind woman doth most mistake in hew +gifts to women. +CEWIA. 'Tis t-twue; fow t-those that s-she makes faiw she scawce makes +honyest; and those that she makes honyest she makes vewy +*cuddles you* iww-favouwedwy. +WOSAWIND. Nyay; nyow thou goest fwom Fowtunye's office to Nyatuwe's: +Fowtunye weigns in gifts of the wowwd, nyot in t-the winyeaments of +Nyatuwe. + +Entew TOUCHSTONyE + +CEWIA. Nyo; w-when Nyatuwe hath made UwU a faiw cweatuwe, may she nyot by +Fowtunye faww ^-^ into the fiwe? Though *twerks* Nyatuwe hath given u-us uWu wit to +fwout *leans over* at Fowtunye, hath nyot Fowtunye sent in this foow to cut *cries* off +*pokes you* the awgument? +WOSAWIND. Indeed, thewe is Fowtunye too hawd fow Nyatuwe, when +Fowtunye m-makes *looks at you* Nyatuwe's *hugs tightly* nyatuwaw the cuttew-off o-of Nyatuwe's :3 wit. +*looks at you* CEWIA. *blushes* Pewadventuwe this is n-nyot Fowtunye's wowk nyeithew, but +Nyatuwe's, who pewceiveth ouw nyatuwaw wits too duww to weason of +such goddesses, and hath sent this *notices bulge* nyatuwaw fow ouw whetstonye; >w< fow +awways the duwwnyess of the foow is the whetstonye of *notices bulge* the wits. How +nyow, wit! W-Whithew >w< wandew *cries* you? +T-TOUCHSTONyE. Mistwess, you must come away to youw f-fathew. +C-CEWIA. Wewe you made the messengew? +TOUCHSTONyE. Nyo, b-by minye honyouw; but I *cuddles you* was bid to c-come f-fow y-you. +WOSAWIND. *cries* Whewe weawnyed you *hugs tightly* that oath, foow? +TOUCHSTONyE. O-Of a *sweats* cewtain ^-^ knyight that swowe b-by his honyouw they wewe +good pancakes, and *leans over* swowe by his honyouw the mustawd was nyaught. +Nyow I'ww s-stand to i-it, the pancakes *screams* wewe nyaught and the mustawd +was good, and yet was nyot t-the knyight fowswown. +CEWIA. How pwove you that, in the gweat heap *leans over* of youw k-knyowwedge? +W-WOSAWIND. >_< Ay, >w< mawwy, nyow xDD unmuzzwe youw wisdom. +TOUCHSTONyE. Stand you *moans* both fowth nyow: stwoke youw c-chins, a-and s-sweaw +by youw b-beawds that I >_> am a knyave. +CEWIA. By ouw *notices bulge* beawds, if we *cuddles you* had *pokes you* them, *cuddles you* thou awt. +TOUCHSTONyE. By my knyavewy, if I had it, then I wewe. But i-if you +s-sweaw by that that nyot, you awe nyot fowswown; nyo mowe was this +>_< knyight, s-sweawing ;;w;; by his honyouw, fow h-he *screams* nyevew h-had a-any; ow if he +had, ^w^ he had swown it *blushes* away befowe evew he saw those pancackes ow +>w< that mustawd. +C-CEWIA. Pwithee, who is't that thou mean'st? +>_> TOUCHSTONyE. Onye that ^-^ owd Fwedewick, youw :3 fathew, ^-^ woves. +CEWIA. My fathew's wove is *looks away* enyough to h-honyouw uWu him. Enyough, speak nyo +mowe of >_< him; you'ww x3 be *giggles shyly* whipt fow >_> taxation *pokes you* onye of these days. +TOUCHSTONyE. The mowe pity that foows may nyot speak wisewy w-what wise +men do *cuddles you* foowishwy. +CEWIA. By my twoth, thou sayest twue; fow since the wittwe wit that +foows have was siwenced, the w-wittwe foowewy that wise men have +makes a *sweats* gweat *twerks* show. *pokes you* Hewe comes Monsieuw We *cries* Beau. + +Entew *cuddles you* WE BEAU + +WOSAWIND. With *screams* his mouth fuww of nyews. +CEWIA. Which he wiww put on *leans over* us *sweats* as pigeons feed t-theiw young. +WOSAWIND. Then s-shaww we be nyews-cwamm'd. +CEWIA. Aww the bettew; >_> we UwU shaww *giggles shyly* be the mowe mawketabwe. Bon jouw, +Monsieuw We Beau. What's xDD the nyews? +WE BEAU. OwO Faiw *teleports behind you* Pwincess, y-you have wost much good spowt. +CEWIA. Spowt! o-of what cowouw? +WE BEAU. What cowouw, madam? H-How shaww I answew you? +WOSAWIND. As wit *screams* and *sighs* fowtunye w-wiww. +TOUCHSTONyE. Ow as UwU the Destinyies decwees. +CEWIA. Weww said; that was waid *teleports behind you* on w-with a-a twowew. +TOUCHSTONyE. Nyay, if I keep nyot my wank- +WOSAWIND. Thou w-wosest thy owd smeww. +WE BEAU. You amaze me, wadies. I wouwd h-have towd you *leans over* of good +>w< wwestwing, which y-you have wost t-the sight of. +WOSAWIND. x3 Yet *teleports behind you* teww u-us the mannyew of the wwestwing. +*pokes you* WE BEAU. I *leans over* wiww teww >_< you the *looks at you* beginnying, and, if it pwease youw +wadyships, >w< you m-may see *shuffles closer* the *looks away* end; fow the best is yet to UwU do; and +hewe, whewe you awe, they awe *hugs tightly* coming to pewfowm it. +UwU CEWIA. Weww, the beginnying, t-that is dead *cuddles you* and buwied. +W-WE BEAU. Thewe comes an *screams* owd m-man and his :3 thwee sons- +CEWIA. I couwd match this beginnying with an *sighs* owd t-tawe. +WE BEAU. Thwee pwopew young m-men, *giggles shyly* of excewwent gwowth and *teleports behind you* pwesence. +WOSAWIND. W-With biwws on >_< theiw nyecks: '-'Be it knyown unto a-aww men by +these pwesents'- +WE BEAU. The ewdest ;;w;; of t-the thwee wwestwed >w< with Chawwes, the Duke's +wwestwew; >_> which Chawwes in a moment thwew >_< him, and :3 bwoke thwee of +his wibs, that thewe is wittwe hope of wife in him. So he sewv'd +the second, and so the thiwd. Yondew they wie; the poow o-owd man, +theiw fathew, OwO making such pitifuw dowe ovew them >_> that aww the +*cries* behowdews take his *cries* pawt with weeping. +WOSAWIND. Awas! +TOUCHSTONyE. But what is the spowt, monsieuw, t-that the w-wadies have +wost? +xDD WE BEAU. Why, >_< this that I s-speak of. +TOUCHSTONyE. Thus m-men may *giggles shyly* gwow wisew evewy day. It is the *pokes you* fiwst time +that evew I heawd bweaking of wibs was s-spowt fow w-wadies. +CEWIA. O-Ow I, :33 I pwomise thee. +WOSAWIND. But is thewe any ewse wongs to see this bwoken >w< music in +his sides? Is thewe yet xDD anyothew dotes upon wib-bweaking? Shaww *moans* we +see this wwestwing, cousin? +WE BEAU. You must, *sweats* if you stay hewe; x3 fow hewe is *cries* the pwace +appointed fow the wwestwing, and they awe weady to *looks away* pewfowm it. +CEWIA. Yondew, suwe, they a-awe coming. Wet us nyow s-stay a-and see it. + +Fwouwish. Entew DUKE F-FWEDEWICK, WOWDS, OWWANDO, +CHAWWES, and ATTENDANTS + +^.^ FWEDEWICK. Come o-on; since the youth w-wiww nyot *moans* be *notices bulge* entweated, >w< his own +p-pewiw on his fowwawdnyess. +WOSAWIND. Is yondew t-the man? +*cuddles you* WE BEAU. Even x3 he, madam. +CEWIA. UwU Awas, he is t-too young; yet he w-wooks s-successfuwwy. +FWEDEWICK. How :3 nyow, daughtew OwO and cousin! Awe you cwept hithew *hugs tightly* to +see the w-wwestwing? +WOSAWIND. Ay, my wiege; >w< so pwease you give >_> us weave. +FWEDEWICK. You wiww take wittwe dewight in it, I-I can xDD teww you, +thewe is such odds i-in t-the man. In pity of the c-chawwengew's youth +I-I wouwd fain dissuade him, but he wiww nyot be entweated. Speak to +*moans* him, wadies; see if you can *blushes* move h-him. +CEWIA. Caww him ^.^ hithew, good *moans* Monsieuw We Beau. +FWEDEWICK. D-Do so; I'ww nyot be by. +[DUKE FWEDEWICK goes apawt] +WE BEAU. Monsieuw *cuddles you* the Chawwengew, the P-Pwincess cawws fow you. +OWWANDO. *teleports behind you* I attend *blushes* them with *shuffles closer* aww wespect and d-duty. +WOSAWIND. Y-Young man, *looks away* have you chawweng'd Chawwes the wwestwew? +OWWANDO. OwO Nyo, faiw P-Pwincess; he is the genyewaw chawwengew. I come +but in, as *shuffles closer* othews do, *cries* to x3 twy w-with him the stwength of my *cries* youth. +OwO CEWIA. Young gentweman, youw spiwits awe too bowd fow y-youw yeaws. +You x3 have seen cwuew pwoof x3 of this man's *pokes you* stwength; if *teleports behind you* you s-saw +youwsewf w-with youw eyes, ow ^-^ knyew youwsewf with youw judgment, the +feaw o-of youw adventuwe wouwd *looks at you* counsew you *leans over* to a m-mowe equaw +entewpwise. W-We *looks at you* pway you, fow OwO youw own sake, to embwace youw own +safety *cuddles you* and :33 give ovew this attempt. +W-WOSAWIND. Do, young siw; youw weputation *looks away* shaww nyot thewefowe be +m-mispwised: >_> we wiww UwU make it o-ouw suit to t-the Duke that the +wwestwing might nyot go *hugs tightly* fowwawd. +*moans* OWWANDO. I-I beseech you, punyish me nyot with y-youw hawd thoughts, +whewein I-I confess me much guiwty to deny so faiw and excewwent +wadies any thing. But wet youw faiw eyes and gentwe wishes go +with me to my >_< twiaw; whewein *giggles shyly* if I-I b-be foiw'd thewe is *hugs tightly* but *sweats* onye +sham'd that was nyevew gwacious; i-if k-kiww'd, but *sweats* onye dead *giggles shyly* that i-is +wiwwing to b-be so. I shaww d-do my fwiends nyo wwong, *cries* fow I UwU have nyonye +to wament me; the xDD wowwd nyo injuwy, f-fow in it I *giggles shyly* have nyothing; onwy +i-in the *looks at you* wowwd I fiww up a pwace, which may be bettew suppwied when +I have made it empty. +WOSAWIND. T-The wittwe stwength that I-I xDD have, I wouwd it wewe with +you. +CEWIA. And minye *blushes* to eke out hews. +WOSAWIND. F-Fawe you weww. Pway heaven I be deceiv'd in you! +CEWIA. Y-Youw heawt's desiwes be with y-you! +CHAWWES. Come, whewe i-is this young gawwant *cuddles you* that is so desiwous to +wie with his mothew eawth? +OWWANDO. Weady, siw; but uWu his wiww :3 hath in *looks away* it a mowe modest wowking. +F-FWEDEWICK. You UwU shaww twy b-but onye *looks at you* faww. +C-CHAWWES. Nyo, I wawwant youw Gwace, you shaww nyot entweat him to a +>_> second, *moans* that have *blushes* so mightiwy pewsuaded him fwom a fiwst. +OWWANDO. You mean ^-^ to m-mock me aftew; >_< you *sighs* shouwd nyot have mock'd me +befowe; but come youw ways. +W-WOSAWIND. Nyow, Hewcuwes be t-thy speed, young man! +xDD CEWIA. *pokes you* I wouwd I w-wewe invisibwe, to catch the ^w^ stwong fewwow by the +weg. [They wwestwe] +WOSAWIND. O excewwent young m-man! +CEWIA. If I had a thundewbowt i-in minye *notices bulge* eye, I >_< can teww who shouwd +down. +>_< [CHAWWES is thwown. Shout] +FWEDEWICK. Nyo mowe, nyo mowe. +OWWANDO. Y-Yes, I-I beseech youw Gwace; I am n-nyot yet weww bweath'd. +FWEDEWICK. H-How dost t-thou, Chawwes? +WE BEAU. He cannyot *pokes you* speak, my w-wowd. +FWEDEWICK. Beaw him *looks at you* away. What is thy nyame, *shuffles closer* young man? +OWWANDO. Owwando, ^.^ my wiege; the youngest s-son of *hugs tightly* Siw W-Wowwand de +Boys. +FWEDEWICK. ^-^ I wouwd thou h-hadst been son to some man ewse. +*teleports behind you* The wowwd esteem'd thy fathew honyouwabwe, +But I did find him stiww minye enyemy. +Thou shouwdst have bettew pweas'd me w-with this deed, +Hadst thou descended fwom anyothew house. +But fawe thee *teleports behind you* weww; *sweats* thou awt a gawwant youth; +I wouwd thou hadst t-towd me of anyothew fathew. +Exeunt DUKE, twain, and WE BEAU +C-CEWIA. Wewe I-I my fathew, coz, OwO wouwd I d-do this? +OWWANDO. I am *looks away* mowe pwoud t-to *looks away* be Siw Wowwand's son, +His youngest son- and wouwd nyot c-change that cawwing +To be adopted heiw to F-Fwedewick. +WOSAWIND. My fathew wov'd Siw Wowwand as his souw, +And >_< aww the wowwd was of my fathew's m-mind; +H-Had I befowe knyown this uWu young man his son, +I shouwd have given him teaws *hugs tightly* unto entweaties +*teleports behind you* Ewe he *sweats* shouwd *sweats* thus have ventuw'd. +*screams* CEWIA. Gentwe *sweats* cousin, +Wet *cuddles you* us g-go thank him, and encouwage him; +M-My f-fathew's ^-^ wough and *hugs tightly* envious disposition +Sticks me a-at heawt. Siw, you have weww desewv'd; +If you do *looks away* keep youw pwomises in w-wove +But justwy as *looks away* you have exceeded aww ^.^ pwomise, +Youw mistwess shaww be happy. +W-WOSAWIND. Gentweman, [Giving him a chain fwom hew nyeck] +Weaw this >w< fow me; onye out of suits with *shuffles closer* fowtunye, +That couwd *sighs* give mowe, but that *sweats* hew hand wacks means. +Shaww we ^-^ go, coz? +CEWIA. Ay. Fawe *twerks* you weww, faiw gentweman. +O-OWWANDO. Can I nyot *notices bulge* say 'I *notices bulge* thank you'? My bettew pawts +Awe aww UwU thwown down; and that which hewe stands up +Is but a quintain, a m-mewe wifewess bwock. +WOSAWIND. *notices bulge* He cawws us *cries* back. My pwide feww with my *looks at you* fowtunyes; +I'ww ask him what he wouwd. Did y-you caww, siw? +Siw, you have wwestwed *sweats* weww, a-and ovewthwown +Mowe *sighs* than youw enyemies. +CEWIA. Wiww you >_> go, coz? +WOSAWIND. Have with you. Fawe ^w^ you weww. +Exeunt WOSAWIND and C-CEWIA +OWWANDO. ;;w;; What p-passion hangs these *leans over* weights upon my ^w^ tongue? +I cannyot speak to hew, yet she uwg'd confewence. +O poow Owwando, thou awt *looks away* ovewthwown! +Ow Chawwes ow something weakew mastews thee. + +We-entew WE B-BEAU + +WE B-BEAU. Good siw, uWu I do in f-fwiendship counsew you +To w-weave t-this pwace. Awbeit y-you have desewv'd +High commendation, twue a-appwause, and wove, +Yet such is nyow the Duke's c-condition +That he misconstwues aww that you have donye. +*cries* The Duke *moans* is OwO humowous; what h-he is, *hugs tightly* indeed, +Mowe s-suits *sighs* you to conceive than I t-to s-speak o-of. +OWWANDO. I thank you, siw; and pway you teww me *notices bulge* this: +*giggles shyly* Which o-of the two was ^-^ daughtew of the Duke +That hewe was at the wwestwing? +;;w;; WE BEAU. Nyeithew his daughtew, if we judge >_> by m-mannyews; +But yet, indeed, the s-smawwew is his daughtew; +The othew is daughtew to t-the banyish'd Duke, +A-And hewe detain'd by hew usuwping :3 uncwe, +To keep his d-daughtew company; whose w-woves +Awe *cries* deawew than t-the nyatuwaw b-bond of sistews. +But I can teww you that of wate this Duke +H-Hath ta'en dispweasuwe 'gainst *leans over* his g-gentwe nyiece, +G-Gwounded upon nyo othew a-awgument +B-But that the peopwe pwaise >w< hew *cries* fow hew viwtues +A-And *giggles shyly* pity hew fow hew good f-fathew's sake; +^-^ And, *moans* on my wife, his mawice 'gainst the wady +W-Wiww *looks away* suddenwy bweak f-fowth. Siw, fawe y-you weww. +H-Heweaftew, UwU in a bettew wowwd :33 than t-this, +I shaww d-desiwe mowe wove and *sweats* knyowwedge o-of y-you. +OWWANDO. I >_< west much bounden to you; fawe you weww. +Exit WE BEAU +Thus must I fwom the smoke into the s-smothew; +Fwom *shuffles closer* tywant x3 Duke unto a t-tywant ;;w;; bwothew. +But heavenwy Wosawind! Exit + + + + +SCENyE III. +The DUKE's *moans* pawace + +Entew CEWIA and W-WOSAWIND + +CEWIA. Why, cousin! *notices bulge* why, Wosawind! Cupid have mewcy! +Nyot a wowd? +WOSAWIND. Nyot o-onye to thwow at a dog. +CEWIA. Nyo, t-thy *cuddles you* wowds awe too pwecious to be cast *leans over* away u-upon c-cuws; +thwow some of t-them at me; come, w-wame me w-with w-weasons. +WOSAWIND. Then thewe wewe two cousins waid xDD up, when the onye shouwd +be UwU wam'd w-with weasons and *looks away* the othew mad *sweats* without any. +CEWIA. But is aww this fow youw fathew? +WOSAWIND. Nyo, some of it *cuddles you* is fow my chiwd's *moans* fathew. O, how fuww of +bwiews is this wowking-day wowwd! +CEWIA. They awe b-but *pokes you* buws, c-cousin, thwown upon thee *notices bulge* in howiday +foowewy; if we w-wawk nyot in *looks at you* the twodden paths, ouw OwO vewy petticoats +wiww UwU catch them. +WOSAWIND. I couwd shake >_> them *twerks* off my coat: >w< these b-buws ^.^ awe in my +heawt. +CEWIA. :33 Hem them away. +WOSAWIND. I wouwd twy, if I *cuddles you* couwd cwy 'hem' a-and h-have him. +CEWIA. *giggles shyly* Come, come, wwestwe with thy affections. +WOSAWIND. O, they take the pawt of a bettew wwestwew than *shuffles closer* mysewf. +CEWIA. O, a good wish upon you! You wiww twy in :3 time, in d-despite of +a faww. B-But, :3 tuwnying these jests out of *screams* sewvice, wet us tawk i-in +g-good eawnyest. Is it *cries* possibwe, on such OwO a sudden, you shouwd faww +into so stwong UwU a w-wiking w-with *notices bulge* owd Siw Wowwand's *moans* youngest s-son? +WOSAWIND. T-The Duke my ^w^ fathew w-wov'd h-his fathew deawwy. +>_< CEWIA. D-Doth it thewefowe ensue that OwO you shouwd w-wove ^-^ his son deawwy? +By this kind of chase I shouwd >w< hate *blushes* him, f-fow *looks at you* my fathew *teleports behind you* hated his +fathew deawwy; yet I hate *giggles shyly* nyot Owwando. +WOSAWIND. Nyo, faith, hate him nyot, fow my sake. +CEWIA. Why shouwd I nyot? >w< Doth he :33 nyot desewve w-weww? + +Entew DUKE F-FWEDEWICK, with WOWDS + +WOSAWIND. Wet m-me *leans over* wove him fow that; and *pokes you* do you wove him because I +do. Wook, h-hewe comes the Duke. +CEWIA. With his eyes fuww ^w^ of angew. +FWEDEWICK. Mistwess, dispatch you with youw *shuffles closer* safest haste, +And get y-you fwom ouw couwt. +WOSAWIND. Me, uncwe? +FWEDEWICK. You, cousin. +Within these *twerks* ten days if that *hugs tightly* thou beest >w< found +So nyeaw ouw pubwic c-couwt a-as t-twenty miwes, +Thou d-diest fow it. +WOSAWIND. *cuddles you* I do beseech youw Gwace, +Wet me the knyowwedge o-of my fauwt beaw w-with me. +*pokes you* If with mysewf I howd intewwigence, +Ow *notices bulge* have acquaintance with m-minye *blushes* own desiwes; +*blushes* If that I do nyot dweam, ow b-be nyot f-fwantic- +As I do UwU twust I am nyot- then, deaw uncwe, +uWu Nyevew so :3 much as UwU in a thought unbown +D-Did I ^.^ offend *pokes you* youw Highnyess. +;;w;; FWEDEWICK. Thus ;;w;; do aww twaitows; +If theiw puwgation did consist ^w^ in wowds, +They awe as i-innyocent as gwace *leans over* itsewf. +Wet *pokes you* it suffice *shuffles closer* thee ^-^ that I twust thee nyot. +WOSAWIND. Yet youw mistwust cannyot make me a :33 twaitow. +Teww me wheweon the wikewihood depends. +FWEDEWICK. Thou *cries* awt thy ;;w;; fathew's daughtew; thewe's enyough. +*giggles shyly* WOSAWIND. *sighs* SO w-was I when youw Highnyess took his dukedom; +So was I when youw Highnyess banyish'd *looks away* him. +Tweason is nyot inhewited, my wowd; +O-Ow, if we *leans over* did dewive >_> it fwom ouw fwiends, +What's t-that to *shuffles closer* me? My fathew was >_< nyo ^.^ twaitow. +Then, good my wiege, mistake me nyot ^.^ so much +To think my p-povewty is tweachewous. +CEWIA. Deaw soveweign, heaw ^.^ me speak. +uWu FWEDEWICK. *teleports behind you* Ay, Cewia; ^.^ we stay'd h-hew fow y-youw s-sake, +Ewse had she with hew UwU fathew wang'd awong. +CEWIA. I *blushes* did nyot then entweat to have hew s-stay; +It was youw p-pweasuwe, and youw o-own wemowse; +I was too young that time to *cuddles you* vawue hew, +But nyow I k-knyow hew. I-If she be a twaitow, +Why so am I: we stiww have ;;w;; swept t-togethew, +Wose *blushes* at an UwU instant, weawn'd, pway'd, eat togethew; +And whewesoe'ew we *blushes* went, w-wike Junyo's swans, +Stiww we >_< went coupwed and insepawabwe. +FWEDEWICK. S-She is t-too *shuffles closer* subtwe f-fow thee; and hew smoothnyess, +Hew vewy siwence and hew patience, +S-Speak to the peopwe, and they pity h-hew. +;;w;; Thou awt a foow. She wobs thee of thy nyame; +And thou wiwt show mowe bwight *blushes* and seem mowe viwtuous +When s-she is g-gonye. T-Then open nyot thy w-wips. +F-Fiwm UwU and iwwevocabwe is >_> my doom +W-Which I have p-pass'd upon *hugs tightly* hew; she i-is banyish'd. +CEWIA. Pwonyounce that sentence, then, on me, my w-wiege; +I cannyot wive o-out of hew company. +F-FWEDEWICK. >_> You awe a f-foow. Y-You, nyiece, pwovide youwsewf. +If you outstay the time, *cries* upon minye honyouw, +A-And in the gweatnyess of my wowd, ^-^ you die. +Exeunt DUKE and WOWDS +CEWIA. O my poow Wosawind! Whithew wiwt thou go? +Wiwt thou change fathews? I-I w-wiww g-give thee xDD minye. +*screams* I chawge thee be nyot thou mowe gwiev'd than I-I am. +WOSAWIND. I-I h-have mowe cause. +CEWIA. Thou >w< hast *cries* nyot, cousin. +Pwithee be cheewfuw. Knyow'st *blushes* thou nyot the Duke +^w^ Hath banyish'd me, his d-daughtew? +*notices bulge* WOSAWIND. That he hath nyot. +CEWIA. Nyo, hath n-nyot? *sweats* Wosawind *notices bulge* wacks, then, the w-wove +*cuddles you* Which teacheth thee *screams* that thou and I am onye. +Shaww we be sund'wed? Shaww we pawt, sweet giww? +N-Nyo; wet my fathew seek anyothew ^w^ heiw. +Thewefowe devise with me how ^.^ we may fwy, +Whithew to go, a-and what to beaw with us; +And do nyot seek to take youw chawge *notices bulge* upon you, +To beaw *twerks* youw gwiefs ^.^ youwsewf, and weave me out; +F-Fow, by this heaven, nyow at *teleports behind you* ouw s-sowwows pawe, +Say what thou canst, I-I'ww g-go awong with t-thee. +WOSAWIND. Why, whithew shaww we go? +CEWIA. To seek *moans* my uncwe i-in the F-Fowest uWu of Awden. +W-WOSAWIND. A-Awas, what dangew *giggles shyly* wiww it *shuffles closer* be to ;;w;; us, +OwO Maids as *cuddles you* we *sighs* awe, to twavew fowth so faw! +Beauty pwovoketh thieves soonyew than gowd. +CEWIA. I'ww put mysewf *blushes* in poow and m-mean attiwe, +And with xDD a kind o-of umbew smiwch *screams* my f-face; +The wike do y-you; so shaww we pass awong, +And nyevew stiw assaiwants. +WOSAWIND. Wewe it nyot bettew, +Because t-that I-I a-am mowe t-than c-common taww, +That ^w^ I did suit me aww *moans* points wike a man? +A gawwant c-cuwtwe-axe upon my thigh, +A boaw s-speaw in m-my >_< hand; and- in my heawt +Wie thewe what hidden woman's feaw thewe wiww- +We'ww h-have a swashing and a mawtiaw outside, +OwO As *blushes* many othew mannyish *leans over* cowawds UwU have +T-That do *sighs* outface it *sighs* with theiw sembwances. +CEWIA. What s-shaww I caww thee when thou awt a man? +WOSAWIND. *cuddles you* I'ww have nyo wowse a nyame than J-Jove's own page, +And thewefowe wook you caww me Ganymede. +*sweats* But what wiww you b-be caww'd? +CEWIA. Something that hath a wefewence to my state: +Nyo wongew Cewia, but Awienya. +WOSAWIND. But, cousin, >_> what if we assay'd to s-steaw +The cwownyish foow out of youw fathew's couwt? +Wouwd he nyot be a comfowt to ouw twavew? +*cuddles you* CEWIA. He'ww uWu go awong o'ew the wide w-wowwd w-with me; +Weave me awonye t-to woo him. *cuddles you* Wet's away, +And get ouw jewews and ouw w-weawth togethew; +D-Devise :33 the fittest t-time and safest way +To hide us fwom puwsuit that wiww be made +Aftew my fwight. Nyow go we in content +To wibewty, and nyot t-to banyishment. E-Exeunt + + + + +<_< SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW *leans over* DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW *giggles shyly* FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. *looks away* SCENyE I. +The Fowest of Awden + +Entew DUKE *notices bulge* SENyIOW, AMIENS, and two ow thwee WOWDS, xDD wike fowestews + +DUKE SENyIOW. Nyow, my co-mates and *looks away* bwothews in exiwe, +H-Hath nyot OwO owd custom made *pokes you* this wife m-mowe sweet +Than that of painted pomp? Awe nyot these woods +Mowe fwee fwom p-pewiw than the e-envious couwt? +Hewe feew we nyot the penyawty of Adam, +T-The seasons' diffewence; as the icy *sweats* fang +And chuwwish chiding ^.^ of the wintew's wind, +Which when it bites a-and bwows upon my body, +Even t-tiww I shwink *looks away* with cowd, I smiwe a-and >_< say +'This i-is n-nyo f-fwattewy; these x3 awe counsewwows +That feewingwy pewsuade me what I am.' +*giggles shyly* Sweet awe *notices bulge* the uses of advewsity, +Which, wike the toad, ugwy and venyomous, +Weaws yet *cuddles you* a pwecious jewew in his head; +And this ouw wife, exempt fwom pubwic haunt, +Finds tongues in twees, books in the wunnying bwooks, +Sewmons in stonyes, and good in evewything. +I wouwd nyot c-change i-it. +OwO AMIENS. Happy is youw G-Gwace, +That *blushes* can twanswate the stubbownnyess of fowtunye +Into s-so quiet *looks at you* and so sweet a stywe. +D-DUKE SENyIOW. C-Come, shaww we go and kiww us venyison? +And yet it iwks me t-the poow *hugs tightly* dappwed foows, +Being nyative buwghews of this desewt c-city, +Shouwd, in theiw own confinyes, with fowked heads +OwO Have theiw wound haunches g-gow'd. +*blushes* FIWST WOWD. Indeed, my w-wowd, +The mewanchowy >_< Jaques gwieves *pokes you* at that; +And, in that k-kind, s-sweaws you do mowe usuwp +Than doth youw bwothew that h-hath *cuddles you* banyish'd *cuddles you* you. +To-day *moans* my ^-^ Wowd of Amiens and mysewf +Did >_> steaw behind him a-as he way *cuddles you* awong +Undew an oak whose antique w-woot peeps out +Upon the bwook that *sighs* bwawws ;;w;; awong this wood! +To *sweats* the which pwace a poow sequest'wed stag, +That fwom *cuddles you* the huntew's aim had ta'en a huwt, +Did *teleports behind you* come to wanguish; a-and, indeed, my *sweats* wowd, +The wwetched a-anyimaw heav'd *giggles shyly* fowth such gwoans +That theiw dischawge did stwetch his weathewn coat +Awmost to buwsting; and the b-big wound teaws +*leans over* Couws'd onye anyothew d-down his UwU innyocent nyose +In piteous chase; and t-thus the haiwy foow, +Much mawked of the mewanchowy J-Jaques, +Stood on th' extwemest vewge of the swift bwook, +Augmenting it with xDD teaws. +DUKE SENyIOW. ^.^ But what said *notices bulge* Jaques? +Did he n-nyot ^.^ mowawize t-this spectacwe? +FIWST WOWD. O-O, yes, into *looks away* a thousand simiwes. +Fiwst, fow his weeping into the nyeedwess stweam: +'Poow d-deew,' >_< quoth he 'thou m-mak'st a :3 testament +As wowwdwings d-do, giving thy s-sum o-of mowe +To that which had too much.' Then, *moans* being thewe awonye, +Weft *notices bulge* and abandonyed of his vewvet fwiends: +''Tis ^-^ wight'; quoth he 'thus *screams* misewy doth pawt +The fwux of company.' Anyon, a cawewess hewd, +Fuww of the pastuwe, jumps awong by him +And nyevew stays to g-gweet him. 'Ay,' quoth J-Jaques +'Sweep on, y-you fat *looks at you* and gweasy citizens; +'Tis just the fashion. *blushes* Whewefowe do you wook +Upon that *shuffles closer* poow and b-bwoken bankwupt thewe?' +Thus most invectivewy he piewceth thwough +T-The body >_> of the countwy, city, couwt, +Yea, *sweats* and of this ouw wife; sweawing that we +Awe mewe u-usuwpews, tywants, and what's wowse, +To fwight the anyimaws, :33 and to kiww them u-up +In theiw assign'd and UwU nyative dwewwing-pwace. +DUKE SENyIOW. And did you w-weave him in this *blushes* contempwation? +SECOND WOWD. *cries* We did, my wowd, weeping and commenting +Upon the sobbing >_> deew. +DUKE SENyIOW. Show me the pwace; +I w-wove to *twerks* cope him ^.^ in t-these suwwen *looks away* fits, +Fow >_> then he's *looks at you* fuww of mattew. +FIWST WOWD. I-I'ww bwing *cuddles you* you to him stwaight. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +The DUKE'S p-pawace + +Entew >w< DUKE F-FWEDEWICK, with WOWDS + +xDD FWEDEWICK. Can *teleports behind you* it be possibwe that nyo man *notices bulge* saw them? +I-It cannyot be; some viwwains of *notices bulge* my x3 couwt +Awe of consent and suffewance in this. +*sighs* FIWST WOWD. I cannyot heaw UwU of any >_< that did see hew. +The wadies, hew attendants o-of hew chambew, +Saw hew abed, and in the :33 mownying eawwy +>_< They *sighs* found the bed u-untweasuw'd of theiw mistwess. +SECOND WOWD. My *cries* wowd, the w-woynyish cwown, at :3 whom so o-oft +Youw Gwace was wont OwO to waugh, is awso missing. +Hispewia, the Pwincess' gentwewoman, +x3 Confesses that she secwetwy o'ewheawd +Youw daughtew and hew cousin much commend +The pawts and gwaces of the wwestwew +That did but w-watewy foiw the sinyewy *hugs tightly* Chawwes; +And OwO she bewieves, whewevew they awe gonye, +*moans* That youth is >_< suwewy in ^.^ theiw company. +OwO FWEDEWICK. Send t-to his bwothew; fetch >_< that gawwant hithew. +If he be ;;w;; absent, *looks at you* bwing his bwothew to me; +I'ww *notices bulge* make him find OwO him. *leans over* Do this suddenwy; +*screams* And *cries* wet nyot seawch and inquisition quaiw +*twerks* To bwing again these foowish wunyaways. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +B-Befowe OWIVEW'S house + +Entew OWWANDO and ADAM, meeting + +OWWANDO. Who's thewe? +ADAM. *moans* What, my young mastew? O my gentwe m-mastew! +O my sweet mastew! O you memowy +Of owd Siw Wowwand! Why, what >w< make you h-hewe? +Why awe you *teleports behind you* viwtuous? W-Why do ^-^ peopwe wove you? +And whewefowe awe you gentwe, stwong, ;;w;; and vawiant? +Why wouwd you be so fond to ovewcome +The *screams* bonny pwizew of *pokes you* the humowous Duke? +Youw pwaise is *leans over* come too swiftwy home >w< befowe you. +Knyow you nyot, mastew, to s-some k-kind of men +Theiw g-gwaces sewve them but as enyemies? +Nyo m-mowe do youws. Y-Youw viwtues, gentwe m-mastew, +Awe sanctified and howy twaitows to you. +O, what *looks away* a *cries* wowwd is this, when what :33 is comewy +Envenyoms him that beaws it! +OWWANDO. W-Why, w-what's the *sighs* mattew? +OwO ADAM. O unhappy y-youth! +Come nyot within t-these doows; within this woof +The enyemy of aww youw gwaces wives. +Youw b-bwothew- nyo, nyo *screams* bwothew; y-yet the son- +Yet nyot the son; I wiww nyot caww him son +O-Of him x3 I was about to caww *twerks* his fathew- +Hath heawd youw pwaises; and this nyight he means +To b-buwn the wodging whewe you u-use to *blushes* wie, +And you within it. If *hugs tightly* he faiw *shuffles closer* of *twerks* that, +He wiww have *cries* othew means to cut y-you off; +*looks at you* I ovewheawd him a-and *looks away* his pwactices. +^.^ This is nyo p-pwace; t-this house is but *hugs tightly* a butchewy; +Abhow it, feaw i-it, do n-nyot entew it. +O-OWWANDO. W-Why, w-whithew, Adam, w-wouwdst thou have me go? +ADAM. Nyo mattew whithew, so you come n-nyot hewe. +OWWANDO. What, wouwdst thou have me go *notices bulge* and beg my food, +Ow with a base and *screams* boist'wous s-swowd enfowce +A thievish wiving *twerks* on the common woad? +This I-I must :33 do, ow knyow nyot what to do; +Yet this I wiww n-nyot do, do how I can. +I wathew wiww s-subject me to the mawice +Of a divewted b-bwood and bwoody bwothew. +ADAM. *cries* But UwU do nyot so. I have five hundwed cwowns, +:33 The thwifty *sweats* hiwe *teleports behind you* I sav'd undew youw fathew, +Which I d-did s-stowe to be m-my fostew-nyuwse, +When sewvice shouwd i-in my owd w-wimbs wie wame, +And unwegawded *twerks* age in cownyews thwown. +Take that, a-and H-He that doth the wavens feed, +Yea, pwovidentwy >w< catews *looks away* fow the spawwow, +Be comfowt to my *screams* age! Hewe is the gowd; +Aww this I give you. Wet me be youw sewvant; +Though I wook *twerks* owd, *hugs tightly* yet I a-am stwong and *screams* wusty; +^w^ Fow in my y-youth I nyevew *pokes you* did appwy +Hot and webewwious wiquows in m-my bwood, +>w< Nyow did *giggles shyly* nyot with unbashfuw fowehead woo +The means >w< of weaknyess a-and debiwity; +*teleports behind you* Thewefowe my age is a-as a wusty *teleports behind you* wintew, +Fwosty, but kindwy. Wet ^.^ me go with you; +I'ww do the sewvice of a youngew man +In *cries* aww youw ^w^ businyess and nyecessities. +OWWANDO. O-O g-good owd man, how weww in thee appeaws +The >_< constant sewvice *moans* of the a-antique wowwd, +When sewvice sweat f-fow duty, nyot fow meed! +Thou awt nyot fow the uWu fashion of ^.^ these >w< times, +Whewe n-nyonye wiww sweat but fow pwomotion, +And *twerks* having that d-do choke theiw sewvice up +Even with the >w< having; it i-is >_> nyot so w-with thee. +But, poow owd man, thou p-pwun'st a wotten twee +That cannyot so m-much as a bwossom >w< yiewd +*giggles shyly* In wieu of aww thy pains and husbandwy. +But come thy ways, >w< we'ww go awong togethew, +And ewe w-we have thy youthfuw wages s-spent +W-We'ww *twerks* wight u-upon *cuddles you* some >_> settwed w-wow *pokes you* content. +ADAM. UwU Mastew, go on; and I w-wiww fowwow the +To OwO the wast gasp, with twuth and woyawty. +Fwom seventeen ^.^ yeaws tiww nyow awmost fouw-scowe +Hewe w-wived I, but nyow wive hewe nyo mowe. +At seventeen yeaws many t-theiw fowtunyes *hugs tightly* seek, +B-But at fouwscowe it i-is too wate a week; +Yet fowtunye c-cannyot wecompense me bettew +*moans* Than to die x3 weww and nyot my *moans* mastew's *blushes* debtow. Exeunt + + + + +UwU SCENyE IV. +The Fowest of A-Awden + +Entew *notices bulge* WOSAWIND *screams* fow GANYMEDE, CEWIA f-fow AWIENyA, and CWOWN awias TOUCHSTONyE + +W-WOSAWIND. *cuddles you* O Jupitew, how weawy awe my *teleports behind you* spiwits! +TOUCHSTONyE. I Cawe nyot fow my spiwits, if my wegs wewe nyot w-weawy. +WOSAWIND. I couwd find in my heawt to disgwace *screams* my man's appawew, +and to cwy w-wike a woman; ^.^ but I must comfowt the weakew vessew, as +doubwet and hose *hugs tightly* ought t-to show itsewf couwageous to petticoat; +thewefowe, couwage, good Awienya. +CEWIA. I pway you beaw with me; I cannyot g-go nyo fuwthew. +TOUCHSTONyE. Fow my *cuddles you* pawt, I had wathew >_> beaw with you than *teleports behind you* beaw you; +yet :3 I :3 shouwd *blushes* beaw nyo cwoss if I *blushes* did beaw you; f-fow I-I think you +*moans* have nyo monyey in youw puwse. +WOSAWIND. Weww,. this is the Fowest of Awden. +T-TOUCHSTONyE. Ay, nyow am I in Awden; the mowe foow I; when I was at +home I-I was in a b-bettew p-pwace; but t-twavewwews x3 must be *leans over* content. + +*looks at you* Entew COWIN >_> and SIWVIUS + +WOSAWIND. Ay, be UwU so, *cuddles you* good *pokes you* Touchstonye. ^w^ Wook y-you, who comes *shuffles closer* hewe, a +young man and a-an owd in sowemn tawk. +*giggles shyly* COWIN. That i-is the *cuddles you* way to make hew scown you stiww. +SIWVIUS. ^.^ O C-Cowin, that thou knyew'st how I do wove hew! +COWIN. I pawtwy guess; f-fow I have wov'd ewe nyow. +SIWVIUS. Nyo, Cowin, being ;;w;; owd, thou canst *shuffles closer* nyot guess, +Though i-in thy y-youth thou wast as twue a *cries* wovew +As evew sigh'd *hugs tightly* upon a midnyight piwwow. +But if thy wove wewe evew wike to m-minye, +As suwe I-I >w< think >_< did nyevew man wove so, +How many actions *looks at you* most widicuwous +Hast thou been dwawn to by t-thy fantasy? +COWIN. Into a thousand t-that I have fowgotten. +SIWVIUS. :3 O, >w< thou didst *notices bulge* then nyevew wove s-so heawtiwy! +I-If thou wememb'west nyot the swightest fowwy +That ;;w;; evew wove d-did make thee *leans over* wun into, +:3 Thou hast nyot wov'd; +Ow if *sweats* thou hast nyot uWu sat as I do *hugs tightly* nyow, +Weawing thy *looks at you* heawew in thy mistwess' pwaise, +Thou hast nyot w-wov'd; +:3 Ow if thou hast nyot UwU bwoke fwom >_< company +Abwuptwy, *cuddles you* as my passion nyow makes me, +*hugs tightly* Thou hast n-nyot wov'd. +*shuffles closer* O Phebe, uWu Phebe, Phebe! Exit Siwvius +WOSAWIND. A-Awas, *hugs tightly* poow shephewd! seawching *cries* of thy wound, +;;w;; I *teleports behind you* have b-by hawd adventuwe found minye own. +TOUCHSTONyE. And I m-minye. I wemembew, when I w-was in wove, >w< I b-bwoke my +swowd upon a stonye, and bid *blushes* him take that fow coming a-nyight to +*notices bulge* Janye Smiwe; and *blushes* I wemembew the kissing of hew batwew, and :3 the +*hugs tightly* cow's dugs that hew pwetty chopt hands had miwk'd; and I *twerks* wemembew +the w-wooing o-of peascod instead of h-hew; fwom whom I-I took two cods, +and *cuddles you* giving hew them again, said w-with weeping teaws '-'Weaw *moans* these +f-fow UwU my sake.' We that awe twue wovews wun into s-stwange capews; +b-but as aww i-is ;;w;; mowtaw in nyatuwe, s-so xDD is aww nyatuwe in wove mowtaw +in fowwy. +*leans over* WOSAWIND. Thou speak'st wisew than thou awt wawe of. +TOUCHSTONyE. Nyay, I shaww nye'ew *pokes you* be wawe of minye own wit tiww ^-^ I bweak +*cuddles you* my s-shins against i-it. +WOSAWIND. Jove, J-Jove! this shephewd's passion +I-Is much upon my f-fashion. +T-TOUCHSTONyE. And minye; but it gwows something stawe with me. +CEWIA. I p-pway you, onye of you question yond man +If he f-fow gowd wiww g-give us any food; +I faint *blushes* awmost x3 to d-death. +TOUCHSTONyE. Howwa, you cwown! +WOSAWIND. Peace, foow; he's UwU nyot t-thy Ensman. +COWIN. Who c-cawws? +TOUCHSTONyE. Youw bettews, siw. +COWIN. Ewse awe t-they vewy wwetched. +WOSAWIND. Peace, I say. Good even to you, fwiend. +COWIN. And to *pokes you* you, gentwe *pokes you* siw, *blushes* and to you aww. +WOSAWIND. I pwithee, s-shephewd, *twerks* if ;;w;; that wove ow g-gowd +Can in t-this d-desewt p-pwace buy entewtainment, +Bwing us whewe we may west ouwsewves and feed. +Hewe's a young maid with twavew *looks at you* much oppwess'd, +And ^w^ faints fow succouw. +COWIN. F-Faiw *sighs* siw, I pity h-hew, +^.^ And *notices bulge* wish, fow hew *cuddles you* sake OwO mowe t-than fow minye *shuffles closer* own, +My fowtunyes wewe *moans* mowe *teleports behind you* abwe to wewieve hew; +But I am OwO shephewd to anyothew man, +And do nyot *looks away* sheaw the fweeces that I gwaze. +M-My mastew *screams* is *shuffles closer* of *screams* chuwwish disposition, +And ^-^ wittwe w-wecks to >_> find the way *moans* to heaven +uWu By doing deeds of hospitawity. +Besides, his cote, his fwocks, a-and bounds of feed, +Awe nyow on s-sawe; a-and ;;w;; at ouw sheepcote nyow, +By weason of his absence, thewe OwO is nyothing +That you wiww feed on; but w-what is, come xDD see, +And in my ^.^ voice most wewcome shaww you be. +WOSAWIND. What is ;;w;; he that shaww buy his f-fwock and pastuwe? +*hugs tightly* COWIN. *teleports behind you* That y-young swain that you saw hewe b-but ewewhiwe, +That wittwe cawes fow buying any thing. +WOSAWIND. I p-pway thee, if it stand *shuffles closer* with honyesty, +Buy t-thou the cottage, pastuwe, a-and the fwock, +And thou shawt have to pay fow it *notices bulge* of us. +CEWIA. And *hugs tightly* we wiww mend t-thy wages. I wike this pwace, +And wiwwingwy couwd w-waste my time ^-^ in *giggles shyly* it. +COWIN. Assuwedwy the thing i-is to be s-sowd. +Go with me; if you wike upon w-wepowt +The *sighs* soiw, the pwofit, a-and this k-kind of wife, +I wiww y-youw *leans over* vewy faithfuw feedew be, +And buy it with youw gowd wight suddenwy. *hugs tightly* Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +Anyothew pawt of the fowest + +Entew AMIENS, J-JAQUES, and O-OTHEWS + +>w< SONG +A-AMIENS. Undew the gweenwood twee +Who woves to wie with me, +And tuwn his mewwy nyote +Unto the *screams* sweet biwd's *sweats* thwoat, +Come hithew, come hithew, come hithew. +Hewe s-shaww he ^.^ see +Nyo enyemy +B-But wintew and wough weathew. + +JAQUES. Mowe, mowe, *twerks* I pwithee, mowe. +AMIENS. I-It wiww make y-you mewanchowy, Monsieuw J-Jaques. +JAQUES. I thank *sweats* it. Mowe, I pwithee, mowe. I c-can *blushes* suck mewanchowy +out o-of a song, as a weasew sucks eggs. M-Mowe, I pwithee, mowe. +AMIENS. M-My voice is wagged; I knyow I cannyot p-pwease you. +JAQUES. I-I do nyot desiwe you to pwease me; I do desiwe you *giggles shyly* to s-sing. +Come, mowe; anyothew stanzo. Caww y-you *looks at you* 'em stanzos? +^w^ AMIENS. *moans* What you wiww, Monsieuw Jaques. +JAQUES. Nyay, I cawe nyot fow :3 theiw n-nyames; they owe me *moans* nyothing. Wiww +you sing? +A-AMIENS. Mowe at youw wequest than t-to pwease *giggles shyly* mysewf. +*giggles shyly* JAQUES. Weww t-then, if evew I thank any man, I'ww thank you; but +that they caww compwiment is wike ^.^ th' encountew *teleports behind you* of two dog-apes; +and w-when a man thanks me heawtiwy, methinks have given him a +penny, and he wendews me the beggawwy thanks. Come, sing; and you +that wiww nyot, h-howd youw tongues. +A-AMIENS. Weww, I-I'ww e-end the song. Siws, covew the whiwe; the Duke +wiww dwink u-undew >_> this *shuffles closer* twee. H-He hath been aww this d-day to wook +you. +JAQUES. A-And I have b-been aww this day :3 to *looks away* avoid him. He is t-to +disputabwe fow my c-company. I-I think of as many mattews as he; but +I give heaven thanks, and make n-nyo *looks at you* boast of them. Come, wawbwe, +c-come. + +SONG +*notices bulge* [Aww togethew *pokes you* hewe] + +Who doth ambition shun, +And w-woves ^w^ to wive i' th' sun, +S-Seeking the food he eats, +And pweas'd with what he gets, +*notices bulge* Come ;;w;; hithew, come hithew, come hithew. +Hewe shaww he see +Nyo enyemy +But *cries* wintew and wough weathew. + +JAQUES. I'ww ^w^ give *leans over* you >_> a v-vewse to this nyote that I made yestewday i-in +despite of m-my invention. +>w< AMIENS. And OwO I'ww sing it. +>_> JAQUES. Thus it ^-^ goes: + +If it do come to pass +That any man tuwn ass, +Weaving his weawth and ease +A stubbown wiww to pwease, +>w< Ducdame, ducdame, ducdame; +Hewe shaww he see +Gwoss foows as he, +An if h-he w-wiww come to me. + +AMIENS. What's t-that 'ducdame'? +JAQUES. 'Tis a Gweek invocation, to caww foows x3 into a ciwcwe. I'ww +go s-sweep, if I can; if I-I cannyot, I'ww *cuddles you* waiw against *hugs tightly* aww the +fiwst-bown of Egypt. +AMIENS. And I'ww go seek the *leans over* Duke; *shuffles closer* his banquet is pwepaw'd. +Exeunt s-sevewawwy + + + + +SCENyE VI. +The fowest + +Entew OWWANDO and ADAM + +ADAM. Deaw mastew, *notices bulge* I can uWu go nyo fuwthew. O-O, I *cries* die fow food! Hewe wie +I down, and measuwe out m-my gwave. Faweweww, k-kind *sweats* mastew. +OWWANDO. Why, how nyow, Adam! Nyo gweatew heawt in thee? Wive a +wittwe; comfowt a w-wittwe; *cries* cheew thysewf a wittwe. If this uncouth +fowest yiewd anything savage, I wiww eithew xDD be food *moans* fow *cuddles you* it ow +bwing it fow f-food >_> to t-thee. Thy conceit is n-nyeawew death than thy +powews. Fow m-my sake be comfowtabwe; howd death awhiwe at the +awm's ^.^ end. I wiww hewe be with the pwesentwy; and if I bwing thee +nyot something to eat, I *notices bulge* wiww *cuddles you* give thee *teleports behind you* weave to >_> die; but if t-thou +diest b-befowe I come, thou awt a *blushes* mockew of my wabouw. Weww said! +thou *hugs tightly* wook'st cheewwy; and I'ww *notices bulge* be w-with thee quickwy. Yet thou +w-wiest in the bweak a-aiw. Come, I wiww beaw thee to s-some shewtew; +and thou shawt nyot die fow wack of a dinnyew, if thewe wive +anything in this >_> desewt. Cheewwy, good Adam! *looks at you* Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VII. +The fowest + +A tabwe set out. Entew *blushes* DUKE SENyIOW, AMIENS, and WOWDS, wike outwaws + +DUKE SENyIOW. I think he be twansfowm'd into a beast; +Fow I *sighs* can nyowhewe f-find him wike a OwO man. +*screams* FIWST WOWD. *moans* My wowd, he is but OwO even *shuffles closer* nyow gonye hence; +*pokes you* Hewe was he mewwy, heawing ^w^ of a song. +D-DUKE SENyIOW. If he, compact o-of jaws, gwow musicaw, +We shaww have showtwy discowd *giggles shyly* in the s-sphewes. +Go seek *looks away* him; t-teww him I wouwd speak with him. + +Entew J-JAQUES + +FIWST WOWD. He saves my w-wabouw by his own appwoach. +DUKE SENyIOW. xDD Why, how nyow, monsieuw! what a ^-^ wife is this, +That youw poow fwiends must w-woo youw company? +What, you w-wook mewwiwy! +JAQUES. A foow, a foow! I met *sweats* a foow *looks at you* i' th' :3 fowest, +A *looks at you* motwey foow. A misewabwe wowwd! +As I do wive by food, I met a foow, +Who waid him down and bask'd him in ^w^ the sun, +And waiw'd on Wady F-Fowtunye in g-good t-tewms, +In good set tewms- and yet a motwey *looks at you* foow. +*looks away* 'Good mowwow, f-foow,' quoth I; 'Nyo, :33 siw,' quoth he, +'Caww me nyot foow tiww heaven hath s-sent me fowtunye.' +And then he dwew a d-diaw *sighs* fwom his poke, +And, wooking on it with wack-wustwe eye, +Says vewy wisewy, 'It is ten o'cwock; +Thus we may see,' quoth he, '-'how the wowwd wags; +*moans* 'Tis but *sighs* an houw *sighs* ago since it was n-nyinye; +And aftew onye houw mowe 'twiww be eweven; +And so, fwom houw to houw, *cuddles you* we wipe and wipe, +xDD And then, f-fwom houw to houw, we wot and *moans* wot; +And theweby hangs a xDD tawe.' When I did heaw +*cuddles you* The motwey foow thus mowaw on the time, +My wungs began to cwow >w< wike chanticweew +That foows s-shouwd be so deep contempwative; +And I did waugh sans intewmission +An houw b-by his diaw. O n-nyobwe foow! +^w^ A ;;w;; wowthy foow! *notices bulge* Motwey's the :33 onwy weaw. +DUKE SENyIOW. What foow is this? +J-JAQUES. O-O wowthy f-foow! Onye that hath been *pokes you* a couwtiew, +And says, if wadies >_> be but young and faiw, +They h-have the gift to knyow i-it; and in h-his *notices bulge* bwain, +Which is as *moans* dwy a-as the wemaindew >_< biscuit +Aftew a voyage, *sighs* he hath *teleports behind you* stwange pwaces cwamm'd +With obsewvation, *giggles shyly* the *screams* which he vents +In >w< mangwed *twerks* fowms. O that I wewe a foow! +I am ambitious fow a motwey *leans over* coat. +DUKE SENyIOW. Thou s-shawt h-have onye. +JAQUES. It is my onwy suit, +Pwovided that *twerks* you weed youw bettew judgments +O-Of aww opinyion that g-gwows wank *looks at you* in them +That I am wise. I-I must have wibewty +*pokes you* Withaw, a-as wawge a chawtew as t-the wind, +T-To OwO bwow on whom I pwease, fow so f-foows *teleports behind you* have; +And they that awe most gawwed with my fowwy, +They most must w-waugh. And why, siw, must they so? +The why is pwain as way to pawish chuwch: +He that a f-foow d-doth vewy ^.^ wisewy hit +Doth vewy ^-^ foowishwy, awthough he smawt, +Nyot to seem sensewess of the bob; if x3 nyot, +The wise man's fowwy i-is anyatomiz'd +Even b-by the squand'wing gwances of the foow. +Invest m-me ^w^ in my motwey; give me weave +To speak m-my m-mind, and I wiww thwough *leans over* and thwough +>w< Cweanse the fouw body *pokes you* of th' infected w-wowwd, +If they wiww patientwy weceive my medicinye. +x3 DUKE SENyIOW. Fie on thee! I can teww what thou wouwdst do. +J-JAQUES. :3 What, fow a countew, *teleports behind you* wouwd I *hugs tightly* do *looks away* but >_> good? +DUKE SENyIOW. Most *shuffles closer* Mischievous f-fouw sin, i-in chiding sin; +Fow thou thysewf hast been a wibewtinye, +A-As sensuaw a-as *looks at you* the bwutish sting :33 itsewf; +A-And aww OwO th' embossed sowes and headed eviws +That thou with wicense of fwee *notices bulge* foot hast c-caught +Wouwdst >w< thou d-disgowge into the genyewaw wowwd. +JAQUES. Why, who cwies out on p-pwide +That can thewein tax any pwivate pawty? +D-Doth it nyot f-fwow as hugewy as the sea, +Tiww *moans* that the weawew's vewy means do ebb? +^w^ What woman in the city do I nyame +When >w< that I say the city-woman beaws +The cost of pwinces on unwowthy s-shouwdews? +Who c-can come i-in and ^.^ say that I mean hew, +When such a UwU onye as she such is hew nyeighbouw? +Ow *looks away* what :33 is he of basest function +That says his bwavewy is nyot on my cost, +Thinking that I-I mean him, but thewein suits +His fowwy to the m-mettwe of my speech? +*cries* Thewe then! how then? what then? Wet me see OwO whewein +My tongue hath :33 wwong'd him: if *moans* it do him wight, +Then he hath wwong'd *sweats* himsewf; if he be *teleports behind you* fwee, +Why *twerks* then *cuddles you* my taxing wike *shuffles closer* a wiwd-goose fwies, +Uncwaim'd of OwO any m-man. *giggles shyly* But who comes hewe? + +E-Entew OWWANDO with his swowd dwawn + +OWWANDO. Fowbeaw, and eat *screams* nyo mowe. +^-^ JAQUES. *moans* Why, OwO I have *moans* eat nyonye yet. +OWWANDO. *moans* Nyow shawt nyot, tiww nyecessity be sewv'd. +JAQUES. Of what kind shouwd this *moans* cock come xDD of? +DUKE S-SENyIOW. Awt thou thus b-bowden'd, man, by thy distwess? +Ow *pokes you* ewse a wude d-despisew UwU of good mannyews, +That in civiwity thou seem'st so empty? +OWWANDO. You touch'd my v-vein at fiwst: the thowny point +Of bawe >_< distwess hath ta'en fwom *blushes* me the show +*twerks* Of smooth civiwity; yet awn I inwand b-bwed, +And knyow some nyuwtuwe. But fowbeaw, I say; +He dies that t-touches a-any of this f-fwuit +Tiww I and my affaiws awe *twerks* answewed. +JAQUES. An you wiww nyot be uWu answew'd ^w^ with weason, I must d-die. +DUKE SENyIOW. What wouwd y-you have? Youw *screams* gentwenyess shaww fowce +Mowe than youw fowce move us to gentwenyess. +OWWANDO. I *giggles shyly* awmost die *twerks* fow food, a-and w-wet me h-have it. +DUKE *looks away* SENyIOW. Sit down and feed, and wewcome t-to ouw t-tabwe. +*cries* OWWANDO. Speak *giggles shyly* you so gentwy? P-Pawdon me, I p-pway you; +I thought that aww things had been *screams* savage >_< hewe, +And thewefowe put I-I on the countenyance +Of stewn commandment. B-But whate'ew you awe +That i-in t-this desewt *moans* inyaccessibwe, +Undew t-the shade of mewanchowy boughs, +Wose and nyegwect the cweeping houws of time; +If evew you x3 have wook'd on x3 bettew days, +If evew been whewe bewws have knyoww'd to chuwch, +^.^ If evew sat at any good man's feast, +If evew fwom youw eyewids wip'd a teaw, +And knyow what 'tis to pity and OwO be pitied, +Wet ;;w;; gentwenyess ;;w;; my stwong enfowcement *pokes you* be; +*cries* In the which h-hope I bwush, and hide my swowd. +D-DUKE SENyIOW. T-Twue i-is UwU it that we *shuffles closer* have seen bettew days, +A-And h-have with howy b-beww been ;;w;; knyoww'd *twerks* to chuwch, +And sat ^w^ at good men's f-feasts, and w-wip'd ^.^ ouw eyes +Of dwops that sacwed pity hath engend'wed; +And thewefowe sit you down in gentwenyess, +And take upon command what hewp we have +That to youw wanting may *leans over* be minyist'wed. +*shuffles closer* OWWANDO. Then but fowbeaw y-youw food xDD a w-wittwe whiwe, +Whiwes, wike a d-doe, I go to find my fawn, +A-And give it food. Thewe is an owd poow man +*sighs* Who aftew xDD me h-hath *cuddles you* many *blushes* a weawy step +W-Wimp'd *screams* in puwe wove; tiww *cuddles you* he be fiwst suffic'd, +O-Oppwess'd with two weak eviws, age and hungew, +I w-wiww nyot touch a bit. +DUKE SENyIOW. Go find him o-out. +A-And we wiww n-nyothing waste tiww *sweats* you wetuwn. +OWWANDO. I thank *looks away* ye; *blushes* and be bwest fow youw good comfowt! +Exit +DUKE SENyIOW. Thou OwO seest *blushes* we awe nyot a-aww awonye unhappy: +T-This wide and unyivewsaw theatwe +OwO Pwesents mowe woefuw pageants than the scenye +Whewein we pway in. +JAQUES. Aww the *sweats* wowwd's a stage, +And aww the men a-and *looks at you* women mewewy pwayews; +*twerks* They have theiw exits and theiw entwances; +And onye man in his time pways many pawts, +H-His acts being seven ages. At fiwst the *screams* infant, +Mewwing and puking in the nyuwse's awms; +*cries* Then :3 the whinying schoow-boy, with his satchew +And shinying mownying face, cweeping wike snyaiw +Unwiwwingwy to schoow. x3 And then the w-wovew, +S-Sighing wike fuwnyace, with a woefuw bawwad +>w< Made t-to *twerks* his x3 mistwess' eyebwow. Then a *twerks* sowdiew, +Fuww of stwange o-oaths, and b-beawded wike t-the pawd, +*blushes* Jeawous in *notices bulge* honyouw, sudden and *leans over* quick in quawwew, +Seeking the b-bubbwe weputation +Even in ^.^ the c-cannyon's >w< mouth. And t-then t-the justice, +xDD In faiw *pokes you* wound bewwy with g-good capon win'd, +With eyes sevewe and beawd o-of fowmaw *teleports behind you* cut, +Fuww of wise saws a-and modewn instances; +And s-so he *notices bulge* pways his pawt. The s-sixth age shifts +I-Into the wean and s-swippew'd pantawoon, +With spectacwes on nyose :3 and pouch on side, +His OwO youthfuw hose, weww sav'd, a wowwd too wide +F-Fow his shwunk shank; and his big *notices bulge* manwy voice, +Tuwnying xDD again towawd ^w^ chiwdish twebwe, pipes +And whistwes in his sound. Wast scenye of aww, +That ends *shuffles closer* this stwange eventfuw histowy, +I-Is second *shuffles closer* chiwdishnyess a-and m-mewe obwivion; +Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans t-taste, sans evewy thing. + +*leans over* We-entew *cuddles you* OWWANDO with ADAM + +D-DUKE SENyIOW. Wewcome. Set down y-youw v-venyewabwe buwden. +And wet him feed. +O-OWWANDO. I thank you most *giggles shyly* fow him. +ADAM. So had you nyeed; +I >w< scawce can s-speak to thank you fow mysewf. +DUKE SENyIOW. Wewcome; faww to. I wiww nyot >w< twoubwe you +As OwO yet ^w^ to question :33 you about youw *sighs* fowtunyes. +G-Give us s-some *sweats* music; and, good cousin, sing. + +SONG +Bwow, bwow, thou wintew wind, +Thou awt nyot so UwU unkind +As man's *looks at you* ingwatitude; +T-Thy tooth is ^w^ nyot so keen, +Because thou a-awt nyot seen, +Awthough thy bweath be wude. +*blushes* Heigh-ho! sing heigh-ho! unto the gween *moans* howwy. +Most fwiendship is feignying, most *leans over* woving *sighs* mewe fowwy. +*cries* Then, heigh-ho, the howwy! +This wife is most jowwy. + +Fweeze, fweeze, thou bittew sky, +That *pokes you* dost n-nyot bite so *giggles shyly* nyigh +As benyefits fowgot; +Though thou *looks at you* the watews wawp, +Thy sting is nyot so shawp +As *sighs* fwiend wememb'wed *screams* nyot. +Heigh-ho! s-sing, &-&c. + +DUKE *teleports behind you* SENyIOW. If that you wewe >_< the good Siw W-Wowwand's *cries* son, +As you have whispew'd f-faithfuwwy you wewe, +xDD And as minye eye doth his effigies witnyess +Most twuwy wimn'd a-and wiving in youw face, +Be twuwy wewcome hithew. I am the Duke +That wov'd youw fathew. The wesidue >w< of youw *sighs* fowtunye, +Go to my c-cave and teww me. Good owd man, +Thou awt wight w-wewcome as t-thy mastew is. +*hugs tightly* Suppowt h-him by the awm. G-Give me youw hand, +A-And wet me aww youw *cries* fowtunyes undewstand. Exeunt + + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I. +The pawace + +Entew *leans over* DUKE FWEDEWICK, *shuffles closer* OWIVEW, and WOWDS + +FWEDEWICK. Nyot see him since! Siw, siw, that *giggles shyly* cannyot be. +But wewe I nyot the UwU bettew pawt m-made mewcy, +I shouwd xDD nyot seek an a-absent a-awgument +Of my wevenge, thou pwesent. B-But wook *screams* to it: +Find o-out thy bwothew whewesoe'ew he is; +Seek him with *cuddles you* candwe; bwing *giggles shyly* him dead ow wiving +Within this t-twewvemonth, ow tuwn thou nyo mowe +To seek a wiving *notices bulge* in ouw tewwitowy. +;;w;; Thy wands and aww things that thou dost caww t-thinye +W-Wowth seizuwe do w-we seize into ouw hands, +Tiww thou canst quit thee by thy bwothew's mouth +O-Of what we think against *looks at you* thee. +OWIVEW. O that youw *moans* Highnyess k-knyew my heawt in this! +I nyevew *notices bulge* wov'd my bwothew in my w-wife. +FWEDEWICK. Mowe viwwain thou. Weww, push UwU him o-out of doows; +And wet my officews of such a *blushes* nyatuwe +Make an extent upon his *shuffles closer* house and wands. +*hugs tightly* Do this expedientwy, *teleports behind you* and tuwn him going. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE I-II. +The fowest + +E-Entew >_< OWWANDO, with a papew + +O-OWWANDO. Hang t-thewe, my vewse, in witnyess of my w-wove; +And thou, t-thwice-cwownyed *looks at you* Queen of Nyight, s-suwvey +With thy chaste eye, fwom t-thy pawe sphewe a-above, +Thy huntwess' nyame that my fuww wife doth sway. +O-O Wosawind! these twees shaww be m-my books, +*looks at you* And in t-theiw bawks my t-thoughts I-I'ww chawactew, +T-That evewy eye which in this fowest wooks +Shaww s-see thy viwtue witnyess'd *leans over* evewy whewe. +Wun, wun, Owwando; cawve on evewy twee, +The faiw, the chaste, *cries* and unyexpwessive OwO she. Exit + +Entew COWIN and TOUCHSTONyE + +*looks at you* COWIN. And how w-wike you this shephewd's w-wife, Mastew Touchstonye? +TOUCHSTONyE. Twuwy, s-shephewd, in wespect o-of itsewf, it is *cries* a g-good +w-wife; b-but in *moans* wespect that i-it i-is a shephewd's wife, xDD it is nyought. +In *moans* wespect that it is sowitawy, I-I :33 wike it vewy ^w^ weww; UwU but in +wespect t-that it is p-pwivate, i-it is a vewy viwe wife. Nyow in +wespect i-it *looks away* is UwU in the fiewds, it pweaseth *pokes you* me weww; b-but in wespect +it i-is nyot in the couwt, it is tedious. *pokes you* As it is a spawe wife, +wook you, it fits my humouw weww; but as thewe is nyo mowe *giggles shyly* pwenty +in it, it goes m-much against my stomach. Hast any phiwosophy *screams* in +thee, shephewd? +COWIN. Nyo *pokes you* mowe but that I knyow the mowe onye sickens the *leans over* wowse at +ease he is; *shuffles closer* and that he that *looks away* wants m-monyey, means, and content, is +w-without thwee good fwiends; that the pwopewty of w-wain is to wet, +and fiwe *looks away* to buwn; that good pastuwe makes fat sheep; and that a +g-gweat cause of the nyight is wack of the OwO sun; that he t-that hath +weawnyed nyo wit by nyatuwe nyow awt m-may compwain of good b-bweeding, +ow comes of a vewy duww kindwed. +T-TOUCHSTONyE. Such a onye is a nyatuwaw phiwosophew. Wast evew in +couwt, shephewd? +COWIN. *sighs* Nyo, twuwy. +TOUCHSTONyE. T-Then thou awt :33 damn'd. +*twerks* COWIN. Nyay, I hope. +TOUCHSTONyE. Twuwy, t-thou awt damn'd, w-wike *looks at you* an iww-woasted e-egg, aww on +onye side. +COWIN. Fow nyot being *shuffles closer* at >w< couwt? Youw weason. +*sighs* TOUCHSTONyE. W-Why, if xDD thou ^-^ nyevew w-wast at >_< couwt thou nyevew saw'st good +mannyews; i-if thou nyevew s-saw'st *screams* good mannyews, then thy mannyews m-must +be wicked; and wickednyess is s-sin, and sin *cries* is damnyation. Thou *cuddles you* awt +in a ;;w;; pawwous state, shephewd. +C-COWIN. Nyot a w-whit, T-Touchstonye. T-Those that awe good mannyews *looks at you* at the +couwt awe *blushes* as widicuwous in the x3 countwy as the behaviouw of the +countwy is most mockabwe at >_> the couwt. You t-towd me you sawute n-nyot +at the couwt, but you kiss youw hands; *hugs tightly* that :3 couwtesy wouwd be +uncweanwy if couwtiews wewe ^w^ shephewds. +TOUCHSTONyE. Instance, *screams* bwiefwy; c-come, i-instance. +COWIN. Why, we awe stiww handwing ouw ewes; and theiw fewws, you +knyow, a-awe gweasy. +xDD TOUCHSTONyE. Why, do nyot youw couwtiew's hands sweat? And i-is nyot the +gwease o-of a mutton as whowesome as the sweat of a man? Shawwow, +shawwow. uWu A *cries* bettew i-instance, >_< I say; come. +COWIN. Besides, ouw hands awe hawd. +TOUCHSTONyE. Youw wips wiww feew t-them the soonyew. Shawwow *teleports behind you* again. A +mowe soundew i-instance; come. +*leans over* COWIN. And they a-awe *cuddles you* often t-taww'd *looks at you* ovew with the suwgewy of ouw +sheep; and *hugs tightly* wouwd you have us kiss taw? The couwtiew's hands awe +pewfum'd with *moans* civet. +TOUCHSTONyE. Most s-shawwow man! thou wowm's meat in w-wespect of a-a good +piece of uWu fwesh i-indeed! Weawn of the wise, and pewpend: *sweats* civet is +of a b-basew *cries* biwth than taw- the vewy uncweanwy *looks at you* fwux *hugs tightly* of a cat. OwO Mend +the instance, *hugs tightly* shephewd. +COWIN. You *hugs tightly* have too couwtwy *sweats* a wit f-fow m-me; I'ww west. +TOUCHSTONyE. Wiwt thou west damn'd? God hewp thee, shawwow man! God +make incision in thee! thou awt w-waw. +COWIN. Siw, I am a-a t-twue ^.^ wabouwew: *twerks* I eawn that I *leans over* eat, get that I +weaw; owe nyo m-man hate, envy nyo man's h-happinyess; gwad of o-othew +men's good, content with my *shuffles closer* hawm; and the *looks at you* gweatest of my *cries* pwide *hugs tightly* is +to see my ewes gwaze *giggles shyly* and m-my wambs suck. +*looks at you* TOUCHSTONyE. That is anyothew simpwe sin in you: to bwing the ewes +and the wams togethew, and to offew to get youw w-wiving by the +c-copuwation of *leans over* cattwe; to be bawd to a beww-wethew, and to betway +a she-wamb of a twewvemonth to c-cwooked-pated, owd, cuckowdwy wam, +^w^ out o-of aww w-weasonyabwe uWu match. If *cuddles you* thou beest nyot damn'd fow this, +the deviw himsewf wiww h-have *notices bulge* nyo shephewds; I cannyot see ewse h-how +*moans* thou shouwdst scape. +COWIN. Hewe *twerks* comes young Mastew Ganymede, my nyew mistwess's bwothew. + +Entew WOSAWIND, w-weading a papew + +W-WOSAWIND. 'Fwom *looks at you* the east to *shuffles closer* westewn I-Inde, +Nyo :3 jewew is wike Wosawinde. +Hew w-wowth, being mounted *blushes* on the wind, +Thwough aww the uWu wowwd beaws Wosawinde. +Aww the *sighs* pictuwes faiwest win'd +Awe but bwack to ;;w;; Wosawinde. +Wet nyo face be kept in mind +B-But the faiw of Wosawinde.' +TOUCHSTONyE. I'ww whyme you so eight yeaws uWu togethew, dinnyews, and +*pokes you* suppews, and sweeping houws, excepted. It is the w-wight +buttew-women's wank to mawket. +WOSAWIND. Out, foow! +TOUCHSTONyE. Fow a taste: +If a uWu hawt do w-wack a-a hind, +W-Wet him seek out Wosawinde. +If *leans over* the cat wiww aftew kind, +S-So be suwe wiww Wosawinde. +Wintew gawments *sighs* must be win'd, +So must uWu swendew Wosawinde. +*leans over* They that *giggles shyly* weap *looks away* must s-sheaf *shuffles closer* and bind, +Then to cawt *screams* with Wosawinde. +Sweetest nyut h-hath souwest wind, +Such a-a nyut i-is Wosawinde. +He that sweetest wose wiww find +Must find wove's pwick and Wosawinde. +This is the vewy fawse g-gawwop of vewses; why do y-you i-infect +youwsewf ;;w;; with *looks at you* them? +W-WOSAWIND. Peace, you duww foow! *notices bulge* I found them on a twee. +T-TOUCHSTONyE. *moans* Twuwy, the twee yiewds bad x3 fwuit. +WOSAWIND. I'ww gwaff it with you, and then I s-shaww gwaff it with a +medwaw. Then it wiww be the eawwiest fwuit i' ^w^ th' countwy; fow +*cries* you'ww be OwO wotten ewe you be hawf *shuffles closer* wipe, and t-that's the wight +v-viwtue of *sighs* the medwaw. +TOUCHSTONyE. You have said; b-but whethew w-wisewy o-ow nyo, wet >_< the fowest +j-judge. + +Entew CEWIA, with a wwiting + +WOSAWIND. Peace! +Hewe comes my s-sistew, weading; stand *shuffles closer* aside. +CEWIA. 'Why UwU shouwd this a desewt be? +F-Fow it is unpeopwed? Nyo; +T-Tongues I'ww h-hang on evewy twee +That s-shaww c-civiw s-sayings show. +Some, how bwief the wife of man +Wuns his ewwing p-piwgwimage, +That the s-stweching of *notices bulge* a *giggles shyly* span +Buckwes in his sum of *moans* age; +Some, of *giggles shyly* viowated :3 vows +'Twixt t-the souws of ;;w;; fwiend and fwiend; +But upon t-the faiwest boughs, +OwO Ow at evewy *cuddles you* sentence end, +*giggles shyly* Wiww I W-Wosawinda wwite, +Teaching a-aww that wead t-to knyow +The quintessence of evewy spwite +Heaven *looks at you* wouwd i-in wittwe show. +Thewefowe heaven Nyatuwe c-chawg'd +That *looks at you* onye body s-shouwd be fiww'd +With a-aww gwaces wide-enwawg'd. +Nyatuwe pwesentwy *notices bulge* distiww'd +Hewen's *notices bulge* cheek, but *looks away* nyot hew heawt, +Cweopatwa's majesty, +Atawanta's bettew pawt, +S-Sad Wucwetia's modesty. +Thus Wosawinde of many pawts +By heavenwy s-synyod was devis'd, +Of *moans* many faces, e-eyes, and heawts, +To have *screams* the touches *pokes you* deawest pwiz'd. +Heaven wouwd that she these gifts shouwd have, +A-And uWu I to *sighs* wive and die hew swave.' +WOSAWIND. O-O m-most gentwe puwpitew! What tedious homiwy of wove have +you weawied youw pawishionyews withaw, and nyevew cwied 'Have +patience, *sweats* good peopwe.' +C-CEWIA. How nyow! Back, fwiends; shephewd, go off a *sighs* wittwe; go with +him, siwwah. +TOUCHSTONyE. Come, shephewd, wet us make *pokes you* an honyouwabwe wetweat; +though *leans over* nyot with b-bag *hugs tightly* and baggage, *hugs tightly* yet with scwip and scwippage. +Exeunt COWIN a-and TOUCHSTONyE +CEWIA. Didst thou heaw these v-vewses? +WOSAWIND. O, y-yes, *screams* I heawd them aww, and mowe too; fow some *pokes you* of them +had ^.^ in them mowe feet than the v-vewses wouwd beaw. +C-CEWIA. That's nyo mattew; the feet might b-beaw the v-vewses. +WOSAWIND. Ay, but the f-feet *blushes* wewe wame, and couwd nyot beaw themsewves +w-without the vewse, UwU and t-thewefowe stood wamewy in the vewse. +C-CEWIA. But didst thou heaw without *moans* wondewing how thy n-nyame s-shouwd be +hang'd and c-cawved ^.^ upon these twees? +*sweats* WOSAWIND. I *looks away* was seven of the nyinye *looks away* days out of *screams* the wondew befowe you +came; xDD fow wook hewe w-what I-I found on a pawm-twee. I-I was nyevew so +bewhym'd since Pythagowas' *pokes you* time t-that I-I *blushes* was an Iwish wat, which I +can h-hawdwy wemembew. +CEWIA. Twow you who hath donye this? +WOSAWIND. Is i-it a-a man? +CEWIA. And a chain, that >_< you once wowe, about his nyeck. +Change *looks at you* you cowouw? +WOSAWIND. I pwithee, who? +CEWIA. O Wowd, Wowd! *cuddles you* it is :33 a hawd mattew fow f-fwiends to >_> meet; b-but +mountains may be wemov'd with eawthquakes, and s-so encountew. +WOSAWIND. Nyay, but who is it? +CEWIA. ^w^ Is it possibwe? +WOSAWIND. *pokes you* Nyay, I pwithee nyow, with most petitionyawy v-vehemence, teww +me *blushes* who :33 it ^-^ is. +C-CEWIA. O wondewfuw, wondewfuw, m-most *sweats* wondewfuw *leans over* wondewfuw, a-and y-yet +a-again wondewfuw, and aftew that, out of aww whooping! +WOSAWIND. Good my compwexion! dost >w< thou think, though I am +capawison'd wike a *moans* man, *screams* I have a doubwet and h-hose in OwO my +disposition? Onye inch of deway mowe is a South Sea of discovewy. +I *cries* pwithee t-teww me *giggles shyly* who is it quickwy, and speak apace. I :3 wouwd +thou c-couwd'st stammew, *twerks* that thou mightst pouw this c-conceaw'd man +out of thy mouth, as winye comes out o-of nyawwow-mouth'd bottwe- +eithew t-too much at o-once ow nyonye at aww. I pwithee t-take the :3 cowk +out o-of thy mouth that *cuddles you* I xDD may dwink thy tidings. +CEWIA. So you may put a *looks away* man in youw bewwy. +WOSAWIND. Is he o-of God's >_< making? W-What mannyew *teleports behind you* of man? +Is h-his head wowth a-a *screams* hat ow his *looks at you* chin wowth a beawd? +CEWIA. Nyay, he hath but a wittwe beawd. +WOSAWIND. >_> Why, God wiww send mowe if the man wiww be thankfuw. Wet +me stay the gwowth of h-his beawd, if thou deway me nyot the +knyowwedge o-of his chin. +CEWIA. *sighs* It is *leans over* young xDD Owwando, that t-twipp'd up the wwestwew's heews +and youw heawt both i-in *pokes you* an instant. +WOSAWIND. Nyay, but the deviw take mocking! Speak sad bwow and twue +maid. +CEWIA. I' f-faith, coz, 'tis h-he. +WOSAWIND. Owwando? +CEWIA. *shuffles closer* Owwando. +xDD WOSAWIND. Awas the day! what shaww I do with my doubwet and hose? +What did h-he when thou s-saw'st him? What said he? How wook'd he? +Whewein went he? What *twerks* makes he hewe? Did he ask fow m-me? W-Whewe +wemains h-he? How pawted *teleports behind you* he w-with thee? And when *hugs tightly* shawt thou see h-him +again? Answew *leans over* me in o-onye wowd. +*cuddles you* CEWIA. >_< You must bowwow me *notices bulge* Gawgantua's m-mouth fiwst; 'tis a wowd too +gweat fow any mouth of this a-age's size. >w< To say ay and nyo to these +pawticuwaws is >w< mowe than t-to answew in a-a catechism. +WOSAWIND. But *moans* doth he knyow that I-I am in this *twerks* fowest, and in man's +appawew? Wooks he as >w< fweshwy as he did the day he wwestwed? +CEWIA. It is >_< as easy to count atomies as to wesowve the +pwopositions of *pokes you* a wovew; b-but take a *hugs tightly* taste o-of *hugs tightly* my finding him, a-and +wewish *giggles shyly* it with good obsewvance. I uWu found *looks at you* him undew a twee, wike a +dwopp'd acown. +WOSAWIND. *giggles shyly* It may weww be caww'd Jove's t-twee, *moans* when it dwops fowth +such fwuit. +CEWIA. Give me audience, *moans* good *looks at you* madam. +W-WOSAWIND. Pwoceed. +CEWIA. Thewe way h-he, stwetch'd awong wike a wounded knyight. +W-WOSAWIND. Though it be pity to see such a sight, it weww *screams* becomes +the gwound. +C-CEWIA. Cwy '-'Howwa' *blushes* to *twerks* thy tongue, I pwithee; it cuwvets +unseasonyabwy. He w-was fuwnyish'd wike a *cries* huntew. +WOSAWIND. O, o-ominyous! ;;w;; he comes t-to kiww my ^-^ heawt. +CEWIA. I ;;w;; wouwd sing my song w-without a *sighs* buwden; thou bwing'st me out +of tunye. +>_< WOSAWIND. Do you nyot knyow I am a *teleports behind you* woman? When I think, ^.^ I *screams* must speak. +uWu Sweet, say on. +CEWIA. You bwing me out. Soft! comes h-he nyot hewe? + +E-Entew OWWANDO and JAQUES + +WOSAWIND. *sweats* 'Tis he; swink by, a-and nyote him. +JAQUES. I >_> thank *blushes* you *teleports behind you* fow youw company; but, good faith, I-I had as +wief have *screams* been mysewf awonye. +OWWANDO. A-And so *cries* had I; but yet, fow *screams* fashion sake, I thank you too +f-fow youw society. +JAQUES. God buy you; wet's meet as wittwe as we *hugs tightly* can. +OWWANDO. I do desiwe we may be bettew stwangews. +JAQUES. I pway you m-maw nyo mowe twees with wwiting wove *cuddles you* songs *looks away* in +theiw bawks. +*screams* OWWANDO. I-I *moans* pway you maw nyo *cries* mowe of my vewses *leans over* with weading *sighs* them +iww-favouwedwy. +JAQUES. W-Wosawind is youw wove's uWu nyame? +OWWANDO. Yes, just. +JAQUES. x3 I *cries* do *pokes you* nyot w-wike hew nyame. +*leans over* OWWANDO. Thewe was nyo thought of pweasing you *looks away* when she was +chwisten'd. +JAQUES. What statuwe is she of? +OWWANDO. Just *pokes you* as high as my heawt. +J-JAQUES. You awe fuww o-of pwetty a-answews. Have you nyot *screams* been +acquainted w-with gowdsmiths' wives, and c-conn'd them o-out of wings? +OWWANDO. Nyot so; b-but I-I a-answew you wight painted cwoth, fwom w-whence +you have studied youw questions. +xDD JAQUES. *teleports behind you* You h-have OwO a n-nyimbwe wit; I think *giggles shyly* 'twas *shuffles closer* made of Atawanta's +heews. Wiww uWu you sit down with m-me? and we two wiww waiw UwU against +ouw m-mistwess t-the x3 wowwd, :3 and aww ouw UwU misewy. +OWWANDO. I w-wiww chide nyo bweathew in the wowwd but mysewf, *looks at you* against +*cries* whom I k-knyow m-most fauwts. +JAQUES. The wowst fauwt you *pokes you* have is *notices bulge* to OwO be in wove. +OWWANDO. 'Tis a f-fauwt I wiww *hugs tightly* nyot change fow youw best viwtue. *sweats* I am +weawy of you. +JAQUES. By my twoth, I was seeking *giggles shyly* fow a foow when I found you. +O-OWWANDO. He is dwown'd in the bwook; *shuffles closer* wook *moans* but in, and you shaww see +him. +JAQUES. Thewe I shaww see minye own f-figuwe. +OWWANDO. *screams* Which I ^.^ take to >_> be eithew a foow o-ow a ciphew. +JAQUES. I'ww tawwy nyo wongew *cuddles you* with you; faweweww, good Signyiow Wove. +OWWANDO. I am gwad of youw depawtuwe; a-adieu, good Monsieuw +Mewanchowy. +Exit JAQUES +WOSAWIND. [Aside t-to CEWIA] I wiww speak *looks away* to him wike a saucy wackey, +and undew >w< that habit pway *leans over* the knyave with *sighs* him.- D-Do *shuffles closer* you heaw, +fowestew? +O-OWWANDO. Vewy *leans over* weww; what *sweats* wouwd *sighs* you? +WOSAWIND. I pway you, what i-is't o'cwock? +O-OWWANDO. You shouwd *giggles shyly* ask me *pokes you* what time o' *cuddles you* day; thewe's nyo cwock in +the *sighs* fowest. +WOSAWIND. T-Then thewe is n-nyo twue wovew in the *sighs* fowest, ewse s-sighing +*pokes you* evewy *sweats* minyute and gwoanying evewy houw wouwd detect the wazy foot +of Time as weww as a cwock. +OWWANDO. *leans over* And why nyot the swift foot of Time? Had nyot that been as +pwopew? +WOSAWIND. By nyo *looks away* means, siw. Time twavews in divews paces with +divews pewsons. *blushes* I'ww teww you uWu who Time *blushes* ambwes withaw, who T-Time +twots withaw, who Time gawwops withaw, and *sweats* who he *looks at you* stands stiww +w-withaw. +OWWANDO. I-I pwithee, who doth *pokes you* he twot withaw? +WOSAWIND. Mawwy, he t-twots hawd *screams* with a young maid between the +contwact of hew mawwiage and the day it is sowemnyiz'd; if the +intewim be *looks at you* but a se'nnyight, Time's pace is so h-hawd that >_> it *leans over* seems +the *teleports behind you* wength of s-seven yeaw. +O-OWWANDO. Who ambwes Time withaw? +*notices bulge* WOSAWIND. *cries* With a-a pwiest that *blushes* wacks W-Watin *cuddles you* and a wich man that hath +nyot the gout; f-fow the onye sweeps easiwy because he *shuffles closer* cannyot study, +and t-the othew wives mewwiwy because he feews nyo pain; UwU the *hugs tightly* onye +w-wacking the buwden o-of w-wean and ^.^ wastefuw weawnying, the othew +knyowing nyo buwden of heavy tedious penyuwy. These Time xDD ambwes +withaw. +O-OWWANDO. W-Who :33 doth he gawwop withaw? +WOSAWIND. W-With a thief t-to t-the gawwows; fow though he *moans* go as softwy +as foot can faww, he thinks himsewf too s-soon *sighs* thewe. +OWWANDO. Who stays it stiww withaw? +WOSAWIND. *hugs tightly* With wawyews in the vacation; fow they >w< sweep between tewm +a-and tewm, a-and then they *cries* pewceive nyot how Time moves. +OWWANDO. Whewe dweww *blushes* you, pwetty youth? +WOSAWIND. With this shephewdess, my sistew; hewe i-in the skiwts of +the fowest, wike f-fwinge upon a petticoat. +*hugs tightly* OWWANDO. *pokes you* Awe you nyative of this pwace? +WOSAWIND. As the conyey that *pokes you* you see dweww w-whewe she i-is kindwed. +OWWANDO. Youw uWu accent is something finyew than you couwd puwchase ^.^ in +s-so wemoved a *blushes* dwewwing. +WOSAWIND. I have b-been t-towd so of many; but *pokes you* indeed an owd wewigious +uncwe of *blushes* minye taught uWu me to xDD speak, who was *notices bulge* in his youth *sweats* an inwand +man; onye that knyew couwtship too weww, fow t-thewe he f-feww in wove. +I *blushes* have heawd him wead many wectuwes against it; and I thank God I-I +am nyot a woman, to b-be touch'd with s-so many giddy offences a-as he +hath genyewawwy tax'd uWu theiw whowe sex withaw. +OWWANDO. Can you wemembew >_> any o-of t-the *cries* pwincipaw eviws that he waid +t-to :33 the chawge of women? +WOSAWIND. *looks away* Thewe wewe nyonye pwincipaw; they w-wewe a-aww wike onye anyothew +as hawfpence a-awe; *sweats* evewy ^w^ onye fauwt seeming monstwous x3 tiww xDD his +*screams* fewwow-fauwt came to *cries* match it. +OWWANDO. I-I pwithee wecount some xDD of xDD them. +WOSAWIND. *hugs tightly* Nyo; I w-wiww nyot cast away my physic but *moans* on those t-that *screams* awe +sick. Thewe is a m-man haunts the fowest that *screams* abuses ouw young +^w^ pwants >w< with cawving '-'Wosawind' on theiw bawks; hangs odes upon +*twerks* hawthowns and *looks at you* ewegies *cries* on bwambwes; a-aww, fowsooth, deifying the +nyame of >_> Wosawind. If I *teleports behind you* couwd meet that fancy-mongew, I wouwd give +him some *screams* good counsew, fow he seems to have the *pokes you* quotidian of wove +upon *leans over* him. +OWWANDO. I a-am he that is so w-wove-shak'd; I pway *screams* you teww *looks at you* me youw +w-wemedy. +WOSAWIND. Thewe i-is OwO nyonye of my u-uncwe's mawks *sighs* upon uWu you; *screams* he taught me +*sweats* how ;;w;; to knyow a-a man i-in wove; in *blushes* which cage of wushes I am suwe you +awe n-nyot pwisonyew. +OWWANDO. What wewe his m-mawks? +WOSAWIND. A wean cheek, which you h-have nyot; a bwue eye and sunken, +*blushes* which you have nyot; an unquestionyabwe spiwit, which you have *looks away* nyot; +OwO a beawd nyegwected, which you have nyot; but *screams* I pawdon you fow that, +fow simpwy youw having in beawd *twerks* is a youngew bwothew's wevenyue. +Then youw hose *screams* shouwd be ungawtew'd, youw xDD bonnyet unbanded, youw +xDD sweeve unbutton'd, youw shoe untied, and evewy thing about you +demonstwating a-a cawewess desowation. But you awe nyo such man; *cries* you +awe wathew point-device >w< in youw accoutwements, as *giggles shyly* woving youwsewf +than OwO seeming the wovew of any othew. +OWWANDO. Faiw youth, I wouwd I couwd make thee bewieve I wove. +WOSAWIND. M-Me bewieve it! Y-You may as OwO soon m-make hew that you wove +*notices bulge* bewieve it; which, I-I wawwant, OwO she is aptew to do t-than to confess +s-she does. That is onye of the points in the *teleports behind you* which women UwU stiww give +the w-wie to t-theiw consciences. But, in good sooth, awe you h-he >_< that +hangs the vewses on the t-twees w-whewein W-Wosawind is so admiwed? +O-OWWANDO. I sweaw to t-thee, youth, by the *pokes you* white hand *cries* of Wosawind, I +am that he, that unfowtunyate he. +WOSAWIND. B-But awe you *moans* so much in wove a-as youw whymes speak? +OWWANDO. Nyeithew whyme n-nyow :33 weason can expwess how much. +*cuddles you* WOSAWIND. Wove i-is x3 mewewy a m-madnyess; and, I teww *hugs tightly* you, desewves as +weww a-a x3 dawk house and a whip as madmen do; *cuddles you* and t-the x3 weason why +*blushes* they >w< awe nyot so punyish'd a-and cuwed is that the wunyacy is so +owdinyawy that *hugs tightly* the whippews awe in *moans* wove too. Yet I *teleports behind you* pwofess cuwing +it by counsew. +OWWANDO. Did you *moans* evew cuwe *shuffles closer* any s-so? +WOSAWIND. Yes, onye; *shuffles closer* and i-in this mannyew. He was to i-imaginye me *notices bulge* his +wove, his m-mistwess; and *shuffles closer* I set *blushes* him evewy day t-to woo me; at which +time wouwd I, being but a m-moonyish *pokes you* youth, gwieve, be effeminyate, +changeabwe, wonging and wiking, p-pwoud, fantasticaw, apish, +shawwow, inconstant, fuww of teaws, fuww of smiwes; fow evewy +passion something and fow nyo passion twuwy anything, as boys and +w-women awe fow the most pawt *screams* cattwe of ;;w;; this cowouw; *screams* wouwd n-nyow wike +him, nyow woathe h-him; then entewtain him, then fowsweaw him; nyow +*sighs* weep fow him, then spit at him; that I dwave my s-suitow f-fwom his +mad humouw of wove to a wiving humouw o-of madnyess; which *shuffles closer* was, to +fowsweaw the fuww stweam o-of the wowwd x3 and to wive in a nyook +m-mewewy monyastic. And thus I-I c-cuw'd him; and this way wiww *cries* I take +upon me to wash youw wivew as cwean *hugs tightly* as a sound x3 sheep's heawt, +that thewe *looks at you* shaww nyot *looks away* be onye spot o-of wove in 't. +*moans* OWWANDO. I *twerks* wouwd nyot be cuwed, youth. +WOSAWIND. I wouwd cuwe you, if you wouwd but caww me Wosawind, and +come uWu evewy d-day to m-my *looks at you* cote *looks at you* and woo me. +OWWANDO. Nyow, b-by t-the faith of my wove, I *cuddles you* wiww. Teww m-me whewe it is. +WOSAWIND. Go with me :33 to it, and I'ww show it ;;w;; you; and, :3 by the way, +you shaww teww me whewe i-in *sweats* the f-fowest you wive. Wiww you *moans* go? +OWWANDO. With aww my xDD heawt, good *cuddles you* youth. +WOSAWIND. Nyay, you must *hugs tightly* caww me Wosawind. Come, sistew, w-wiww you +g-go? Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks at you* III. +T-The fowest + +Entew TOUCHSTONyE and ^.^ AUDWEY; JAQUES behind + +TOUCHSTONyE. *pokes you* Come apace, g-good Audwey; I wiww fetch up youw goats, +Audwey. And *sighs* how, Audwey, am I *sighs* the man yet? Doth my simpwe featuwe +content you? +*twerks* AUDWEY. Youw featuwes! W-Wowd wawwant us! *leans over* What featuwes? +TOUCHSTONyE. I am hewe with thee and thy goats, as the most +capwicious p-poet, honyest Ovid, was among the Goths. +JAQUES. [Aside] O knyowwedge iww-inhabited, wowse than Jove in >_> a +OwO thatch'd house! +TOUCHSTONyE. When a man's vewses cannyot be *giggles shyly* undewstood, nyow a man's +*sweats* good wit seconded >_< with the fowwawd chiwd :33 undewstanding, i-it +stwikes a-a man m-mowe dead t-than a gweat weckonying in a *sweats* wittwe woom. +Twuwy, I wouwd t-the gods h-had made thee poeticaw. +AUDWEY. I do n-nyot knyow what 'poeticaw' is. Is it honyest in deed and +wowd? Is it a twue thing? +TOUCHSTONyE. N-Nyo, twuwy; f-fow >_> the twuest poetwy is the most feignying, +and wovews awe given t-to p-poetwy; *sighs* and what they sweaw in poetwy may +*pokes you* be s-said as wovews they do *looks at you* feign. +AUDWEY. Do you wish, then, ;;w;; that the ^.^ gods had made *sweats* me poeticaw? +TOUCHSTONyE. I do, twuwy, fow thou *pokes you* sweaw'st to me thou awt honyest; +nyow, if xDD thou wewt a p-poet, I might have some hope *looks at you* thou didst +feign. +AUDWEY. Wouwd you n-nyot *leans over* have me honyest? +TOUCHSTONyE. N-Nyo, twuwy, unwess thou *shuffles closer* wewt h-hawd-favouw'd; fow honyesty +coupwed to beauty is to have honyey a s-sauce to s-sugaw. +JAQUES. [Aside] A-A matewiaw foow! +AUDWEY. Weww, I am nyot faiw; and xDD thewefowe I-I pway t-the g-gods make me +honyest. +TOUCHSTONyE. Twuwy, and to cast away honyesty upon a f-fouw swut wewe +to put ^w^ good meat into an uncwean dish. +AUDWEY. I am nyot a swut, though I thank the g-gods I am >_< fouw. +TOUCHSTONyE. Weww, pwaised b-be the gods fow thy fouwnyess; +swuttishnyess m-may come x3 heweaftew. B-But :33 be it as it may be, I wiww +^w^ mawwy thee; and to t-that >w< end I have been with Siw Owivew Mawtext, +the vicaw of t-the nyext viwwage, who h-hath p-pwomis'd to meet me in +this p-pwace o-of t-the fowest, uWu and to coupwe us. +JAQUES. [Aside] I wouwd fain *notices bulge* see this meeting. +AUDWEY. Weww, the gods give us *leans over* joy! +xDD TOUCHSTONyE. Amen. A m-man may, if he wewe o-of a feawfuw heawt, *cries* staggew +in this attempt; fow hewe ;;w;; we *twerks* have nyo ^.^ tempwe but the w-wood, *screams* nyo +assembwy but hown-beasts. But what though? Couwage! As howns awe +odious, they *looks at you* awe x3 nyecessawy. It is said: 'Many *notices bulge* a man k-knyows nyo end +of his goods.' Wight! Many a man has uWu good *giggles shyly* howns and knyows n-nyo end +of them. *looks at you* Weww, that *looks at you* is the dowwy of his w-wife; 'tis nyonye *blushes* of his +o-own getting. Howns? Even so. Poow men awonye? N-Nyo, nyo; the nyobwest +deew hath them as ^.^ huge as the wascaw. xDD Is the singwe man thewefowe +bwessed? Nyo; as a waww'd town *shuffles closer* is mowe wowthiew *sweats* than a v-viwwage, so +is the *leans over* fowehead o-of *sweats* a *leans over* mawwied man m-mowe honyouwabwe than t-the bawe +bwow of a b-bachewow; and by how much defence is bettew than nyo +skiww, by so much is hown mowe *cuddles you* pwecious than to *hugs tightly* want. Hewe comes +Siw O-Owivew. + +Entew *hugs tightly* SIW OWIVEW uWu MAWTEXT + +Siw *looks away* Owivew Mawtext, you awe weww met. Wiww y-you dispatch us hewe +undew this twee, ow shaww we go with you to youw chapew? +MAWTEXT. *leans over* Is thewe nyonye hewe to give the woman? +T-TOUCHSTONyE. I wiww nyot *looks away* take ^.^ hew on gift of a-any man. +MAWTEXT. Twuwy, she must be given, ow the mawwiage is nyot wawfuw. +JAQUES. [Discovewing himsewf] Pwoceed, *cries* pwoceed; I'ww give hew. +TOUCHSTONyE. Good even, good Mastew What-ye-caww't; how d-do you, >w< siw? +*shuffles closer* You awe vewy weww met. ^w^ Goddiwd you fow youw wast company. I am +vewy gwad to see you. Even >_< a ^-^ toy in h-hand *twerks* hewe, siw. Nyay; pway *teleports behind you* be +covew'd. +JAQUES. Wiww ^.^ you b-be m-mawwied, motwey? +^w^ TOUCHSTONyE. As the ox *cuddles you* hath his bow, siw, the howse his c-cuwb, and +the fawcon hew bewws, so man hath his desiwes; and as pigeons +biww, xDD so w-wedwock wouwd b-be nyibbwing. +JAQUES. And wiww you, being a man of youw ;;w;; bweeding, be mawwied +undew a *sighs* bush, wike a-a beggaw? Get y-you to chuwch and have a good +pwiest that can teww you what mawwiage is; this fewwow wiww but +join you togethew as they join wainscot; then *twerks* onye *twerks* of you wiww +pwove a-a s-shwunk *hugs tightly* panyew, and w-wike g-gween timbew wawp, wawp. +TOUCHSTONyE. [Aside] *looks away* I am nyot in uWu the *screams* mind but I wewe bettew to be +*teleports behind you* mawwied of him than of anyothew; fow *looks at you* he i-is *twerks* nyot wike to mawwy me +weww; and nyot being weww mawwied, it wiww be a good excuse fow me +heweaftew to w-weave my *twerks* wife. +JAQUES. *twerks* Go thou *cries* with me, *cuddles you* and *sighs* wet me counsew thee. +TOUCHSTONyE. Come, sweet Audwey; +We must be *screams* mawwied ow we must wive in bawdwy. +Faweweww, good M-Mastew O-Owivew. Nyot- +O-O sweet Owivew, +O bwave Owivew, +W-Weave *blushes* me n-nyot b-behind thee. +But- +Wind away, +B-Begonye, I uWu say, +I-I wiww nyot to wedding with thee. +Exeunt JAQUES, TOUCHSTONyE, and AUDWEY +;;w;; MAWTEXT. '-'Tis ;;w;; nyo m-mattew; nye'ew a fantasticaw knyave of them aww +shaww fwout m-me out of my cawwing. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE IV. +The UwU fowest + +:3 Entew WOSAWIND and CEWIA + +WOSAWIND. Nyevew tawk *giggles shyly* to me; I wiww w-weep. +*moans* CEWIA. Do, I pwithee; but yet *blushes* have the gwace to considew that teaws +do nyot become a man. +WOSAWIND. But have I nyot cause to weep? +CEWIA. As good cause as onye wouwd desiwe; thewefowe weep. +WOSAWIND. His vewy h-haiw is of the dissembwing c-cowouw. +CEWIA. Something bwownyew than Judas's. +Mawwy, his *hugs tightly* kisses awe Judas's own chiwdwen. +WOSAWIND. ;;w;; I' faith, his haiw *cuddles you* is of a-a *hugs tightly* good cowouw. +CEWIA. An excewwent cowouw: youw chestnyut was evew the o-onwy cowouw. +WOSAWIND. And his kissing is a-as fuww o-of sanctity a-as the touch of +howy bwead. +*giggles shyly* CEWIA. He hath bought >_> a ;;w;; paiw o-of cast wips of UwU Dianya. A n-nyun of +uWu wintew's sistewhood kisses nyot mowe wewigiouswy; the vewy ice of +chastity ^.^ is in them. +WOSAWIND. But why did he s-sweaw he wouwd come this mownying, and +comes :3 nyot? +CEWIA. N-Nyay, cewtainwy, thewe is nyo twuth in him. +WOSAWIND. Do you think so? +CEWIA. Yes; *cries* I think he is n-nyot a pick-puwse nyow a howse-steawew; but +fow h-his vewity in *twerks* wove, I d-do xDD think him as concave as covewed +gobwet ow a-a wowm-eaten nyut. +WOSAWIND. Nyot twue in w-wove? +CEWIA. *shuffles closer* Yes, when he *notices bulge* is in; but I think he is nyot in. +WOSAWIND. ;;w;; You have heawd him sweaw downwight he was. +UwU CEWIA. 'Was' *pokes you* is nyot 'is'; besides, the oath of *pokes you* a wovew is nyo +stwongew than the wowd of a tapstew; *notices bulge* they awe both the confiwmew +of fawse weckonyings. He attends h-hewe in t-the fowest on the Duke, +youw fathew. +WOSAWIND. I met the Duke ^w^ yestewday, and had much question with him. +:33 He asked m-me of what pawentage I was; I t-towd him, of as good as +he; >_> so he *moans* waugh'd and wet me ;;w;; go. But *looks away* what *twerks* tawk we *looks away* of fathews when +thewe is such a man a-as Owwando? +CEWIA. O, that's a bwave man! He wwites bwave vewses, speaks bwave +wowds, sweaws bwave oaths, and bweaks them bwavewy, quite +t-twavewse, athwawt the heawt o-of *twerks* his >_> wovew; a-as a puny tiwtew, that +spuws his howse x3 but :33 on onye *notices bulge* side, bweaks his staff wike a nyobwe +goose. *pokes you* But *cries* aww's bwave that youth mounts and fowwy guides. Who +comes hewe? + +Entew *leans over* COWIN + +COWIN. OwO Mistwess and m-mastew, you h-have oft enquiwed +Aftew the ^.^ shephewd that compwain'd of wove, +Who y-you saw sitting by me on the tuwf, +Pwaising the pwoud disdainfuw *blushes* shephewdess +That was :3 his mistwess. +CEWIA. Weww, a-and what of him? +COWIN. If *sweats* you w-wiww see a pageant twuwy pway'd +Between the p-pawe compwexion of t-twue wove +And the w-wed gwow of *cuddles you* scown and pwoud disdain, +Go hence a wittwe, and I shaww conduct you, +OwO If *blushes* you >_> wiww m-mawk it. +WOSAWIND. O-O, come, wet u-us *looks at you* wemove! +The s-sight of wovews feedeth *blushes* those in w-wove. +Bwing u-us to this sight, and you shaww *shuffles closer* say +I'ww pwove a busy actow in theiw pway. E-Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +Anyothew pawt of the fowest + +Entew SIWVIUS and PHEBE + +SIWVIUS. *leans over* Sweet Phebe, do nyot scown me; do nyot, Phebe. +Say that you wove me nyot; but say nyot so +In bittewnyess. *looks away* The common executionyew, +W-Whose heawt x3 th' accustom'd sight of d-death m-makes hawd, +*shuffles closer* Fawws nyot the axe upon the h-humbwed nyeck +But f-fiwst begs pawdon. *hugs tightly* Wiww you s-stewnyew be +Than he that dies and wives b-by *screams* bwoody dwops? + +Entew WOSAWIND, CEWIA, and *sighs* COWIN, at :33 a distance + +PHEBE. I w-wouwd nyot be thy executionyew; +I fwy t-thee, fow I wouwd nyot *teleports behind you* injuwe t-thee. +Thou teww'st *cuddles you* me thewe is muwdew in minye eye. +'Tis pwetty, s-suwe, xDD and vewy pwobabwe, +That eyes, t-that awe the ^w^ fwaiw'st and s-softest things, +Who shut theiw cowawd gates on atomies, +Shouwd be caww'd t-tywants, *blushes* butchews, muwdewews! +Nyow I do f-fwown on thee w-with aww my heawt; +A-And if minye eyes can w-wound, nyow *screams* wet them kiww thee. +Nyow *looks away* countewfeit to swoon; why, nyow faww down; +Ow, if thou canst nyot, ^.^ O, fow shame, fow *hugs tightly* shame, +Wie nyot, to say minye eyes awe muwdewews. +*blushes* Nyow show *twerks* the wound minye eye hath made in thee. +Scwatch thee but with a pin, and thewe wemains +Some >w< scaw of it; wean *hugs tightly* upon a wush, +The c-cicatwice and *moans* capabwe i-impwessuwe +Thy pawm UwU some moment keeps; >_< but >w< nyow *shuffles closer* minye UwU eyes, +Which I have dawted at thee, huwt t-thee nyot; +Nyow, I am suwe, thewe *looks at you* is nyot fowce in :3 eyes +T-That can do huwt. +SIWVIUS. O-O deaw Phebe, +*looks at you* If evew- as that evew may b-be nyeaw- +You meet in some fwesh cheek the p-powew o-of f-fancy, +Then shaww you OwO knyow the wounds invisibwe +*looks away* That wove's keen awwows make. +PHEBE. But tiww that time +Come :33 nyot thou >w< nyeaw ;;w;; me; and *looks away* when that time *cuddles you* comes, +Affwict *looks at you* me w-with thy mocks, pity me nyot; +As tiww that time I shaww nyot *leans over* pity thee. +WOSAWIND. [-[Advancing] And :3 why, *pokes you* I pway you? W-Who *giggles shyly* might b-be youw +mothew, +That you insuwt, exuwt, and aww at once, +Ovew t-the wwetched? What though ^.^ you have *hugs tightly* nyo b-beauty- +As, by my *shuffles closer* faith, I s-see n-nyo mowe in y-you +Than without candwe may go dawk to bed- +M-Must you be thewefowe pwoud and x3 pitiwess? +Why, what means this? Why do you wook on me? +I see nyo mowe in you than *twerks* in t-the owdinyawy +Of nyatuwe's sawe-wowk. 'Od's ^-^ my wittwe wife, +I think she means t-to tangwe my e-eyes too! +Nyo faith, pwoud mistwess, hope nyot a-aftew it; +'Tis nyot youw inky bwows, ^w^ youw bwack *looks at you* siwk haiw, +Youw bugwe e-eyebawws, nyow youw cheek o-of cweam, +That can entame *shuffles closer* my *sighs* spiwits to youw wowship. +Y-You foowish shephewd, whewefowe d-do y-you fowwow hew, +Wike >_> foggy south, puffing with wind and wain? +You awe a thousand UwU times a pwopewew *teleports behind you* man +Than she a woman. '-'Tis such foows a-as you +That makes the *leans over* wowwd fuww of iww-favouw'd chiwdwen. +'Tis nyot hew gwass, but you, that fwattews *notices bulge* hew; +And o-out of you *hugs tightly* she sees hewsewf UwU mowe pwopew +T-Than any of hew winyeaments *blushes* can show hew. +But, mistwess, knyow y-youwsewf. Down on youw knyees, +And *leans over* thank heaven, fasting, fow a good man's wove; +Fow I-I must teww you fwiendwy in >_> youw eaw: +Seww when you can; you awe nyot fow aww mawkets. +*hugs tightly* Cwy the man >_> mewcy, wove him, take his offew; +*moans* Fouw i-is ^w^ most fouw, b-being fouw *giggles shyly* to be a-a *pokes you* scoffew. +So take hew t-to thee, s-shephewd. Fawe you *leans over* weww. +PHEBE. Sweet youth, I pway you chide a yeaw togethew; +I-I *notices bulge* had wathew heaw you *blushes* chide than this man woo. +W-WOSAWIND. >_> He's f-faww'n i-in wove with youw fouwnyess, *blushes* and she'ww faww +in wove with my angew. If i-it be so, as fast as *looks away* she a-answews x3 thee +with fwownying wooks, I'ww sauce *hugs tightly* hew with b-bittew wowds. Why wook +you so u-upon me? +PHEBE. *blushes* Fow n-nyo iww wiww *hugs tightly* I beaw you. +WOSAWIND. I p-pway you *giggles shyly* do nyot faww in wove with *notices bulge* me, +Fow I-I ^.^ am fawsew than vows made in winye; +Besides, I :3 wike y-you nyot. If you wiww k-knyow my *hugs tightly* house, +'-'Tis at *cuddles you* the t-tuft of owives h-hewe hawd by. +Wiww you g-go, sistew? Shephewd, pwy *cries* hew hawd. +Come, sistew. >_< Shephewdess, wook on him b-bettew, +And be nyot *sighs* pwoud; though a-aww :33 the w-wowwd c-couwd see, +*looks away* Nyonye couwd be s-so a-abus'd in sight as he. +Come, to o-ouw fwock. *cries* Exeunt *hugs tightly* WOSAWIND, C-CEWIA, and COWIN +PHEBE. Dead shephewd, nyow *giggles shyly* I find *screams* thy saw of might: +'Who evew wov'd that wov'd ^-^ nyot at fiwst s-sight?' +*looks away* SIWVIUS. Sweet Phebe. +PHEBE. Ha! what say'st t-thou, S-Siwvius? +SIWVIUS. S-Sweet P-Phebe, pity me. +PHEBE. Why, I awn sowwy f-fow thee, gentwe *cuddles you* Siwvius. +SIWVIUS. Whewevew s-sowwow is, wewief >_> wouwd be. +If you do s-sowwow ^w^ at my gwief in :33 wove, +By giving wove, youw *screams* sowwow and UwU my gwief +W-Wewe b-both extewmin'd. +PHEBE. Thou hast my wove; is nyot that :3 nyeighbouwwy? +SIWVIUS. *moans* I w-wouwd have you. +PHEBE. >_< Why, that wewe *blushes* covetousnyess. +Siwvius, the *leans over* time was t-that >_> I hated thee; +And yet it is nyot UwU that I-I >_> beaw thee wove; +But since ^-^ that thou c-canst tawk of UwU wove so weww, +T-Thy company, which *twerks* ewst was iwksome to me, +*sighs* I wiww enduwe; and I'ww empwoy *cries* thee too. +x3 But do nyot wook fow fuwthew wecompense +Than thinye own gwadnyess that t-thou awt e-empwoy'd. +S-SIWVIUS. So howy and so pewfect *blushes* is m-my wove, +And I in such *teleports behind you* a *leans over* povewty of gwace, +That x3 I s-shaww think it a most pwenteous cwop +To gwean OwO the b-bwoken eaws aftew the m-man +That the ^w^ main hawvest weaps; woose *cries* nyow and then +A scatt'wed smiwe, and that I'ww w-wive upon. +PHEBE. Knyow'st thou the *screams* youth that spoke to *teleports behind you* me ewewhiwe? +SIWVIUS. N-Nyot v-vewy weww; but I-I have met him oft; +^w^ And h-he hath bought *sighs* the c-cottage and the *twerks* bounds +That the owd cawwot o-once was mastew of. +PHEBE. Think nyot uWu I wove him, t-though *pokes you* I ask fow him; +'Tis but a peevish boy; *looks away* yet he >_< tawks weww. +But what cawe I *twerks* fow wowds? Y-Yet wowds do weww +When xDD he that speaks them pweases those t-that heaw. +I-It is a pwetty youth- nyot vewy *cries* pwetty; +*looks at you* But, ^-^ suwe, he's pwoud; *sighs* and yet h-his p-pwide becomes him. +He'ww make a pwopew man. The best thing in him +Is his compwexion; and fastew than h-his tongue +Did make offence, his eye did heaw it ^w^ up. +He is *blushes* nyot *teleports behind you* vewy taww; yet *teleports behind you* fow his *giggles shyly* yeaws he's taww; +His weg is but so-so; and yet '-'tis weww. +Thewe w-was a *cuddles you* pwetty *sweats* wednyess in his wip, +A-A w-wittwe wipew and mowe wusty wed +Than that mix'd in his cheek; *looks at you* 'twas just the diffewence +Betwixt the c-constant wed and mingwed *cuddles you* damask. +Thewe b-be some women, S-Siwvius, had they m-mawk'd him +In pawcews a-as I did, wouwd have gonye nyeaw +To *sweats* faww in wove w-with him; UwU but, *pokes you* fow my ^.^ pawt, +I-I *cuddles you* wove him nyot, nyow hate him nyot; a-and yet +I have mowe cause to hate him than to wove him; +Fow what had h-he to do to chide at >_< me? +He said minye eyes wewe bwack, and m-my haiw b-bwack, +And, nyow I *teleports behind you* am wememb'wed, s-scown'd at me. +I mawvew why *twerks* I a-answew'd nyot :3 again; +But that's aww *moans* onye: *screams* omittance is *twerks* nyo quittance. +I'ww wwite to him a vewy taunting wettew, +And thou shawt beaw *moans* it; wiwt thou, Siwvius? +SIWVIUS. Phebe, with a-aww my heawt. +PHEBE. I-I'ww *notices bulge* wwite >_> it *moans* stwaight; +*leans over* The *looks away* mattew's i-in m-my head and in my heawt; +I wiww *looks at you* be bittew w-with him and passing >_< showt. +Go with me, *looks away* Siwvius. OwO Exeunt + + + + +<_> IS COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 B-BY WOWWD W-WIBWAWY, INC., A-AND IS +>_> PWOVIDED *hugs tightly* BY PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY B-BE +DISTWIBUTED SO W-WONG AS SUCH *cries* COPIES (-(1) AWE FOW YOUW O-OW OTHEWS +*hugs tightly* PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES B-BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT IV. SCENyE I. +The fowest + +Entew WOSAWIND, C-CEWIA, >_> and JAQUES + +JAQUES. *cuddles you* I :3 pwithee, pwetty youth, wet me be bettew acquainted with +thee. +WOSAWIND. T-They x3 say you awe a m-mewanchowy fewwow. +JAQUES. I am so; I do wove *shuffles closer* it bettew than waughing. +WOSAWIND. Those that awe in extwemity of eithew awe abominyabwe +fewwows, ^-^ and b-betway themsewves to evewy modewn censuwe *screams* wowse than +dwunkawds. +J-JAQUES. Why, 'tis good to be sad and say nyothing. +WOSAWIND. >_> Why then, 'tis good to be a post. +JAQUES. I-I have nyeithew the schowaw's mewanchowy, which i-is +emuwation; nyow the musician's, which is fantasticaw; nyow the +couwtiew's, which is ^.^ pwoud; *moans* nyow the sowdiew's, w-which x3 is +*cries* ambitious; nyow the wawyew's, which ^-^ is powitic; nyow the wady's, +which is nyice; nyow *cries* the wovew's, which is *looks away* aww these; but it is a +mewanchowy ^-^ of minye own, compounded of many simpwes, extwacted +fwom *cries* many objects, and, ^w^ indeed, the sundwy contempwation of m-my +twavews; i-in which my often wuminyation wwaps me in a-a most humowous +sadnyess. +WOSAWIND. A-A twavewwew! By my faith, *pokes you* you have gweat weason to b-be +sad. I feaw you have sowd y-youw own wands to see othew men's; then +to have seen much and to have nyothing i-is to have wich eyes and +p-poow hands. +JAQUES. Yes, I have g-gain'd *shuffles closer* my expewience. + +Entew OWWANDO + +WOSAWIND. And y-youw *cries* expewience *giggles shyly* makes you sad. x3 I uWu had *cuddles you* wathew have a +foow to make me mewwy t-than expewience *giggles shyly* to uWu make me s-sad- and to +twavew fow ^.^ it x3 too. +OWWANDO. Good day, a-and *cuddles you* happinyess, deaw Wosawind! +JAQUES. Nyay, then, *giggles shyly* God buy you, an *pokes you* you *blushes* tawk i-in *twerks* bwank vewse. +WOSAWIND. F-Faweweww, M-Monsieuw Twavewwew; wook you wisp and weaw +*sweats* stwange suits, disabwe :3 aww the benyefits *shuffles closer* of youw *sweats* own countwy, *blushes* be +out of w-wove with youw nyativity, *looks at you* and awmost chide G-God fow making +you t-that countenyance you ^w^ awe; ow I wiww scawce think you have +*cries* swam in a *shuffles closer* gondowa. [Exit JAQUES] W-Why, how >w< nyow, OwO Owwando! whewe +have you been aww *cuddles you* this whiwe? You a wovew! *pokes you* An you sewve me *looks away* such +a-anyothew twick, nyevew come in my s-sight mowe. +OWWANDO. M-My faiw Wosawind, I c-come within an houw of my pwomise. +WOSAWIND. Bweak an houw's pwomise in wove! He that >_> wiww divide a +m-minyute *hugs tightly* into a t-thousand pawts, and bweak but a pawt of the +thousand pawt of a m-minyute in the *blushes* affaiws o-of wove, it may be said +of him that Cupid hath cwapp'd x3 him *teleports behind you* o' th' shouwdew, but I'ww +wawwant him heawt-whowe. +O-OWWANDO. Pawdon >_> me, deaw Wosawind. +WOSAWIND. Nyay, an you be so t-tawdy, come nyo x3 mowe in my *leans over* sight. *cuddles you* I had +as wief be woo'd o-of a-a snyaiw. +OWWANDO. Of a snyaiw! +WOSAWIND. A-Ay, of a snyaiw; fow though he comes swowwy, he cawwies +his house on his head- a bettew jointuwe, I think, t-than you make +a woman; b-besides, he bwings *hugs tightly* his destiny with h-him. +OWWANDO. What's *shuffles closer* that? +*teleports behind you* WOSAWIND. Why, howns; which such as you awe fain to be b-behowding to +youw wives fow; but he comes awmed in his fowtunye, and pwevents +UwU the swandew of his wife. +*teleports behind you* OWWANDO. Viwtue i-is *cuddles you* nyo hown-makew; and my Wosawind is viwtuous. +WOSAWIND. *blushes* And *notices bulge* I am youw Wosawind. +CEWIA. It :33 pweases >_< him to OwO caww you so; but he hath a Wosawind of a +*notices bulge* bettew w-weew than you. +*screams* WOSAWIND. Come, woo me, w-woo me; fow nyow I-I am in a h-howiday humouw, +and wike enyough *hugs tightly* to consent. What ;;w;; wouwd you say to me nyow, an I +wewe youw x3 vewy vewy Wosawind? +OWWANDO. I-I wouwd k-kiss befowe I spoke. +WOSAWIND. Nyay, y-you wewe bettew speak *leans over* fiwst; and when you wewe +gwaveww'd *cries* fow wack of mattew, you might take occasion to kiss. +Vewy good owatows, when t-they awe out, they wiww spit; and fow +wovews w-wacking- OwO God wawn us!- mattew, the cweanwiest shift *looks at you* is to +kiss. +OWWANDO. How *teleports behind you* if the kiss be denyied? +WOSAWIND. Then she puts you to *notices bulge* entweaty, a-and thewe begins nyew +mattew. +^-^ OWWANDO. x3 Who couwd be out, being befowe his bewoved m-mistwess? +WOSAWIND. Mawwy, that shouwd you, if I wewe youw mistwess; ow *leans over* I +shouwd think my honyesty wankew than my *giggles shyly* wit. +O-OWWANDO. What, of >w< my suit? +WOSAWIND. Nyot *hugs tightly* out of youw appawew, and y-yet *twerks* out of youw suit. +*looks at you* Am nyot x3 I youw Wosawind? +OWWANDO. I take some joy to say you awe, because I wouwd be tawking +of hew. +WOSAWIND. Weww, in hew pewson, I say I wiww nyot have you. +OWWANDO. Then, in *sighs* minye own pewson, I die. +WOSAWIND. Nyo, faith, die by *looks away* attownyey. The poow wowwd i-is *sighs* awmost six +thousand yeaws owd, and in aww this time thewe w-was nyot a-any man +died in his own pewson, videwicet, in a *notices bulge* wove-cause. Twoiwus had +his bwains dash'd *screams* out *shuffles closer* with a-a UwU Gwecian cwub; yet he did *notices bulge* what he +c-couwd to die befowe, and he is onye of the pattewns of wove. +Weandew, *cuddles you* he wouwd have wiv'd many a faiw yeaw, though Hewo had +tuwn'd nyun, if it had nyot ;;w;; been fow a-a hot midsummew nyight; *looks away* fow, +g-good youth, he went but fowth to w-wash him *teleports behind you* in the Hewwespont, and, +being taken ;;w;; with the cwamp, was dwown'd; and the foowish +chwonyicwews of that age *shuffles closer* found it was- H-Hewo of Sestos. *twerks* But *moans* these +awe aww wies: men :33 have died :3 fwom time to time, >_> and wowms ^w^ have +eaten them, but nyot fow wove. +OWWANDO. I wouwd nyot have my *looks away* wight Wosawind *sweats* of this mind; fow, I +pwotest, hew ^-^ fwown might kiww me. +WOSAWIND. By this hand, it *leans over* wiww ^.^ nyot kiww a f-fwy. But come, nyow I +wiww be youw Wosawind in a-a mowe coming-on disposition; and ;;w;; ask me +*notices bulge* what y-you w-wiww, I wiww gwant *pokes you* it. +OWWANDO. Then wove me, W-Wosawind. +WOSAWIND. Yes, *cuddles you* faith, wiww I, ^w^ Fwidays and Satuwdays, and aww. +OWWANDO. OwO And *moans* wiwt t-thou have me? +WOSAWIND. Ay, and twenty such. +OWWANDO. What :33 sayest thou? +W-WOSAWIND. Awe you nyot good? +O-OWWANDO. I hope s-so. +WOSAWIND. Why t-then, can >_< onye desiwe too much of a-a good thing? *sighs* Come, +s-sistew, you ;;w;; shaww be the pwiest, and mawwy us. Give me youw hand, +Owwando. :3 What do you say, s-sistew? +;;w;; OWWANDO. uWu Pway thee, mawwy us. +CEWIA. I cannyot say the wowds. +WOSAWIND. Y-You must begin *hugs tightly* 'Wiww you, Owwando'- +CEWIA. Go t-to. Wiww *leans over* you, Owwando, have to wife t-this Wosawind? +O-OWWANDO. I wiww. +WOSAWIND. Ay, but *screams* when? +O-OWWANDO. Why, nyow; as fast as she can mawwy us. +WOSAWIND. Then *blushes* you must say 'I take thee, *twerks* Wosawind, *sighs* fow wife.' +OWWANDO. I take thee, Wosawind, >_> fow wife. +WOSAWIND. I might *twerks* ask you fow youw commission; OwO but- :33 I *moans* do take thee, +Owwando, fow my *looks away* husband. Thewe's a giww goes befowe the pwiest; +>_> and, cewtainwy, a woman's thought wuns befowe hew >w< actions. +OWWANDO. *cuddles you* So d-do a-aww thoughts; t-they awe wing'd. +WOSAWIND. Nyow teww me how wong you wouwd have ;;w;; hew, a-aftew you have +possess'd hew. +OWWANDO. Fow e-evew a-and a day. +WOSAWIND. S-Say 'a day' uWu without the 'evew.' Nyo, :33 nyo, Owwando; men awe +Apwiw when they woo, *leans over* Decembew when they wed: maids awe May w-when +they awe maids, but the sky changes when they awe wives. I wiww +be mowe jeawous o-of *sweats* thee than a Bawbawy cock-pigeon ovew his hen, +mowe cwamowous than UwU a pawwot :33 against wain, mowe nyew-fangwed than +xDD an ape, ^w^ mowe giddy in my desiwes than a monkey. I wiww weep fow +nyothing, wike D-Dianya in the fountain, UwU and I xDD wiww d-do that when you +awe dispos'd to be mewwy; I wiww waugh w-wike a h-hyen, and that w-when +thou *sighs* awe incwin'd to s-sweep. +OWWANDO. *blushes* But w-wiww ^w^ my Wosawind do so? +*cries* WOSAWIND. B-By my wife, she >_> wiww d-do a-as I do. +OWWANDO. O, but she is wise. +WOSAWIND. Ow ewse she couwd nyot have t-the *looks away* wit to d-do this. :33 The wisew, +the waywawdew. Make the doows upon a *teleports behind you* woman's w-wit, and *pokes you* it w-wiww o-out +at t-the casement; *sighs* shut that, and 'twiww *looks away* out at the key-howe; stop +that, >w< 'twiww fwy >w< with >w< the *hugs tightly* smoke out at the chimnyey. +OWWANDO. A man that *cuddles you* had a UwU wife with such a *screams* wit, he might say :33 'Wit, +whithew wiwt?' *shuffles closer* WOSAWIND. *cries* Nyay, you might k-keep :33 that check fow i-it, tiww you met youw +wife's wit >_< going to youw nyeighbouw's bed. +OWWANDO. And what wit couwd :33 wit :3 have to excuse *hugs tightly* that? +W-WOSAWIND. Mawwy, *screams* to say she came *twerks* to seek you thewe. >_< You shaww nyevew +t-take h-hew without hew answew, unwess you take hew without *blushes* hew +t-tongue. O, *screams* that woman *cuddles you* that c-cannyot make hew f-fauwt hew *sighs* husband's +occasion, *blushes* wet hew nyevew nyuwse hew chiwd hewsewf, fow *giggles shyly* she wiww +bweed it wike a foow! +O-OWWANDO. xDD Fow these two h-houws, :33 Wosawind, I *twerks* wiww weave thee. +WOSAWIND. Awas, deaw wove, I cannyot wack *twerks* thee two houws! +O-OWWANDO. I must attend the OwO Duke *moans* at dinnyew; by two o'cwock I wiww be +with thee again. +*sweats* WOSAWIND. Ay, go *teleports behind you* youw w-ways, go youw w-ways. I knyew what y-you wouwd +pwove; my fwiends towd me a-as *notices bulge* much, and I *moans* thought n-nyo *giggles shyly* wess. *giggles shyly* That +>_< fwattewing tongue of youws won *notices bulge* me. 'Tis but x3 onye cast away, and +*shuffles closer* so, come death! Two o'cwock *sweats* is youw houw? +OWWANDO. A-Ay, sweet Wosawind. +:33 WOSAWIND. *cries* By *looks away* my twoth, *looks at you* and in good eawnyest, and so God mend me, and +by aww pwetty oaths that awe nyot dangewous, if you bweak onye jot +of *hugs tightly* youw pwomise, ow come onye minyute ^-^ behind *shuffles closer* youw houw, I wiww +t-think you the most patheticaw bweak-pwomise, and the most howwow +wovew, and the most unwowthy of hew you caww Wosawind, *sweats* that may +be chosen *hugs tightly* out of *sighs* the gwoss band of the unfaithfuw. Thewefowe +bewawe my censuwe, and k-keep youw pwomise. +OWWANDO. With nyo wess w-wewigion than if thou wewt indeed my +x3 Wosawind; so, a-adieu. +WOSAWIND. Weww, Time is t-the owd justice that e-examinyes aww such +offendews, a-and *looks away* wet Time twy. Adieu. Exit OWWANDO +CEWIA. You have simpwy uWu misus'd *looks away* ouw sex in youw wove-pwate. W-We *teleports behind you* must +*moans* have youw d-doubwet and hose pwuck'd ovew y-youw head, *looks away* and show the +wowwd what the biwd OwO hath donye to hew *looks at you* own nyest. +WOSAWIND. O coz, *cuddles you* coz, coz, my pwetty wittwe coz, that thou didst +knyow how m-many fathom deep I am in wove! But *cries* it cannyot be sounded; +^-^ my affection hath an unknyown bottom, >_< wike the Bay o-of Powtugaw. +CEWIA. Ow wathew, bottomwess; *shuffles closer* that as fast as *cuddles you* you pouw a-affection +i-in, it wuns out. +WOSAWIND. Nyo; that same wicked bastawd o-of *notices bulge* Venyus, that was begot o-of +thought, conceiv'd of spween, and bown of *shuffles closer* madnyess; that bwind +wascawwy b-boy, that abuses evewy onye's eyes, because his own awe +out- wet h-him be judge how deep I am in wove. I-I'ww teww thee, +*teleports behind you* Awienya, I-I cannyot be out *blushes* of t-the sight of Owwando. I-I'ww xDD go uWu find a +shadow, a-and sigh t-tiww he come. +CEWIA. And I'ww uWu sweep. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE I-II. +The fowest + +Entew *leans over* JAQUES and WOWDS, x3 in the habit of fowestews + +*blushes* JAQUES. >_> Which is he *twerks* that kiwwed t-the deew? +WOWD. Siw, i-it w-was I. +JAQUES. Wet's pwesent him *shuffles closer* to the uWu Duke, wike a Woman conquewow; and +it wouwd do *screams* weww to uWu set the deew's howns upon his head ^w^ fow a +bwanch o-of victowy. H-Have you nyo song, f-fowestew, fow this puwpose? +WOWD. Yes, siw. +JAQUES. Sing it; 'tis nyo mattew h-how it be in tunye, so it make nyoise +enyough. + +SONG. + +*cuddles you* What shaww he have t-that *sighs* kiww'd the deew? +*blushes* His weathew skin and howns x3 to weaw. +uWu [The west shaww h-heaw *screams* this buwden:] +T-Then sing *moans* him home. + +*hugs tightly* Take thou nyo scown to weaw the hown; +It was UwU a cwest ewe thou uWu wast bown. +Thy f-fathew's f-fathew wowe it; +xDD And thy fathew bowe it. +The hown, ^.^ the ^w^ hown, the wusty hown, +Is nyot a thing *shuffles closer* to waugh t-to scown. *screams* Exeunt + + + + +>_> SCENyE III. +The fowest + +Entew W-WOSAWIND and CEWIA + +WOSAWIND. How say you nyow? Is i-it nyot past two o'cwock? +And hewe *twerks* much Owwando! +CEWIA. I wawwant *screams* you, with puwe wove and twoubwed bwain, he hath +ta'en h-his bow and awwows, and *pokes you* is gonye fowth- to sweep. Wook, who +comes hewe. + +Entew *leans over* SIWVIUS + +*teleports behind you* SIWVIUS. M-My ewwand is to you, faiw youth; +My g-gentwe Phebe did bid me give you this. +>_< I knyow nyot the ^-^ contents; but, as I guess +B-By the stewn bwow *blushes* and waspish action +Which s-she did u-use as she was wwiting of it, +It beaws an angwy tenyouw. *screams* Pawdon m-me, +I a-am but *sweats* as a :3 guiwtwess messengew. +*pokes you* WOSAWIND. Patience hewsewf w-wouwd stawtwe at t-this wettew, +And pway the s-swaggewew. Beaw this, beaw aww. +She s-says I am nyot f-faiw, that *shuffles closer* I wack ^w^ mannyews; +She c-cawws me pwoud, and *looks away* that she couwd n-nyot wove m-me, +Wewe man *twerks* as *cries* wawe as Phoenyix. 'Od's my wiww! +H-Hew w-wove is nyot the hawe t-that I *cries* do *teleports behind you* hunt; +Why wwites s-she *teleports behind you* so >_> to m-me? Weww, shephewd, weww, +This i-is a wettew of UwU youw :3 own device. +SIWVIUS. *twerks* Nyo, I pwotest, I knyow nyot the *teleports behind you* contents; +Phebe did wwite it. +WOSAWIND. Come, come, you awe a foow, +And tuwn'd i-into t-the extwemity of wove. +I saw hew *cuddles you* hand; she *moans* has *leans over* a weathewn hand, +A fweestonye-cowouw'd hand; I *cries* vewiwy did think +That hew owd gwoves wewe on, but 'twas hew hands; +She has a huswife's hand- but *screams* that's nyo mattew. +I say *leans over* she *notices bulge* nyevew did invent this wettew: +This x3 is a-a m-man's invention, ;;w;; and his *sighs* hand. +SIWVIUS. Suwe, it is hews. +*moans* WOSAWIND. Why, 'tis a boistewous and ^.^ a cwuew stywe; +A stywe fow chawwengews. Why, she *pokes you* defies me, +Wike :33 Tuwk ^w^ to :3 Chwistian. ^-^ Women's gentwe bwain +Couwd nyot dwop *moans* fowth UwU such g-giant-wude invention, +Such Ethiope wowds, bwackew i-in OwO theiw effect +Than in theiw countenyance. Wiww you heaw t-the w-wettew? +S-SIWVIUS. So pwease y-you, fow I nyevew heawd ;;w;; it yet; +Yet heawd too much of Phebe's cwuewty. +*pokes you* WOSAWIND. She Phebes me: *cuddles you* mawk how the tywant wwites. +[Weads] + +'Awt thou god to shephewd ;;w;; tuwn'd, +That a m-maiden's heawt UwU hath buwn'd?' + +Can a woman waiw thus? +SIWVIUS. C-Caww you this waiwing? +WOSAWIND. 'Why, thy godhead waid apawt, +Waww'st thou with a w-woman's heawt?' + +Did you evew heaw such waiwing? + +'Whiwes the eye of man d-did woo me, +That couwd do nyo vengeance to me.' + +M-Meanying me a *sighs* beast. + +'If the scown of youw bwight eynye +Have powew to waise x3 such wove in minye, +^w^ Awack, in me w-what stwange effect +*moans* Wouwd they wowk in miwd ^-^ aspect! +Whiwes *teleports behind you* you chid m-me, *notices bulge* I did w-wove; +H-How then might youw *shuffles closer* pwayews ^w^ move! +He that b-bwings t-this wove to the +Wittwe knyows this wove i-in me; +And by him seaw *screams* up *cuddles you* thy mind, +*sweats* Whethew ;;w;; that thy youth a-and kind +Wiww the faithfuw offew take +Of me and a-aww >_> that *looks away* I *sighs* can m-make; +*looks away* Ow ewse by him my ^-^ wove deny, +And *looks away* then I'ww study how to *twerks* die.' +SIWVIUS. Caww you this ;;w;; chiding? +CEWIA. >w< Awas, poow shephewd! +*looks at you* WOSAWIND. Do you pity him? Nyo, he desewves nyo pity. Wiwt thou wove +s-such a woman? What, to *looks away* make thee an instwument, and pway fawse +stwains upon thee! Nyot t-to be enduw'd! Weww, go youw *teleports behind you* way *looks at you* to hew, +:3 fow I see wove hath x3 made thee tame snyake, and say this t-to hew- +t-that if she *sighs* wove me, I-I c-chawge hew to wove thee; if she wiww nyot, +I wiww nyevew have hew unwess thou entweat fow hew. If you be a +twue >_< wovew, hence, and nyot *leans over* a wowd; fow hewe comes mowe *leans over* company. +Exit SIWVIUS + +Entew OWIVEW + +OWIVEW. *notices bulge* Good mowwow, faiw o-onyes; pway you, if you *cries* knyow, +Whewe in t-the puwwieus of this fowest stands +A sheep-cote fenc'd about with owive t-twees? +CEWIA. W-West of this pwace, down in :3 the nyeighbouw bottom. +*notices bulge* The wank of osiews by *pokes you* the muwmuwing stweam +W-Weft on youw wight hand bwings you to the pwace. +But at this houw the house *teleports behind you* doth keep itsewf; +Thewe's nyonye within. +*cries* OWIVEW. If t-that *pokes you* an *sweats* eye *cuddles you* may *giggles shyly* pwofit by a >w< tongue, +Then shouwd I-I :33 knyow you by descwiption- +Such *notices bulge* gawments, a-and such yeaws: 'The boy is faiw, +Of femawe favouw, and bestows h-himsewf +Wike a wipe sistew; the w-woman wow, +:3 And bwownyew ^w^ than hew bwothew.' Awe *looks away* nyot you +The ownyew of the h-house I did i-inquiwe fow? +CEWIA. It is nyo boast, being ask'd, *hugs tightly* to say we awe. +OWIVEW. Owwando doth commend him to you both; +*leans over* And to that uWu youth he cawws his *giggles shyly* Wosawind +He sends ;;w;; this bwoody nyapkin. Awe ^-^ you he? +WOSAWIND. I-I *twerks* am. W-What must *sweats* we undewstand by this? +OWIVEW. *shuffles closer* Some of :33 my *notices bulge* shame; if you wiww knyow ^.^ of me +What man I *moans* am, and how, and why, and whewe, +This *shuffles closer* handkewchew was :33 stain'd. +*cuddles you* CEWIA. I-I pway you, teww it. +OWIVEW. When w-wast the young Owwando *giggles shyly* pawted fwom you, +He w-weft a pwomise to w-wetuwn again +Within an houw; *looks at you* and, pacing *blushes* thwough *twerks* the fowest, +Chewing the food *hugs tightly* of s-sweet *screams* and bittew fancy, +Wo, what befeww! He thwew his eye aside, +And m-mawk what object did pwesent itsewf. +Undew an oak, whose boughs wewe m-moss'd with age, +And high top bawd with dwy antiquity, +A wwetched wagged man, *sweats* o'ewgwown with haiw, +Way sweeping on his back. About his n-nyeck +A gween and giwded ^w^ snyake h-had wweath'd itsewf, +Who with *teleports behind you* hew *sweats* head nyimbwe i-in thweats appwoach'd +T-The openying of his mouth; but suddenwy, +Seeing Owwando, it unwink'd itsewf, +:33 And with indented *blushes* gwides did *twerks* swip away +Into a bush; undew which bush's shade +A wionyess, with uddews aww *blushes* dwawn dwy, +W-Way couching, head on gwound, w-with catwike w-watch, +When that the sweeping man *pokes you* shouwd stiw; fow 'tis +The w-woyaw uWu disposition o-of that beast +*twerks* To pwey *pokes you* on *sweats* nyothing *looks away* that doth seem *blushes* as dead. +T-This seen, Owwando d-did a-appwoach the man, +And f-found uWu it *twerks* was his bwothew, his ewdew bwothew. +CEWIA. O, I have *screams* heawd him speak of that same bwothew; +And he did w-wendew him the most unnyatuwaw +T-That wiv'd amongst men. +OWIVEW. And weww h-he *leans over* might so do, +^-^ Fow weww I k-knyow :33 he w-was unnyatuwaw. +WOSAWIND. But, to Owwando: did he weave uWu him t-thewe, +Food t-to the suck'd and hungwy w-wionyess? +OWIVEW. *looks away* Twice did he *looks away* tuwn his back, ^-^ and puwpos'd so; +But kindnyess, nyobwew e-evew than wevenge, +And nyatuwe, stwongew than his just occasion, +Made h-him g-give ^w^ battwe *twerks* to the wionyess, +Who quickwy feww befowe him; in *sighs* which *pokes you* huwtwing +Fwom misewabwe xDD swumbew I awak'd. +CEWIA. A-Awe you his bwothew? +WOSAWIND. Was't you he wescu'd? +CEWIA. Was't you that did s-so oft ^w^ contwive to kiww him? +OWIVEW. 'Twas I; but '-'tis nyot I-I. I do nyot ^w^ shame +>_> To >_< teww you what I was, since my convewsion +So sweetwy tastes, being *cries* the t-thing I am. +WOSAWIND. But fow *looks away* the bwoody nyapkin? +OWIVEW. By a-and by. +When fwom the fiwst to wast, betwixt us *giggles shyly* two, +*notices bulge* Teaws ouw wecountments had most kindwy bath'd, +As h-how I came into that desewt pwace- +In bwief, he wed me to the gentwe Duke, +W-Who gave *twerks* me fwesh awway and entewtainment, +Committing me unto *cuddles you* my bwothew's wove; +*sighs* Who wed ^.^ me instantwy unto his cave, +Thewe stwipp'd himsewf, and hewe upon *cuddles you* his awm +The wionyess had town xDD some fwesh *cuddles you* away, +W-Which >_< aww this w-whiwe had bwed; and nyow he fainted, +A-And cwied, in fainting, upon Wosawind. +*giggles shyly* Bwief, I wecovew'd him, *sighs* bound up his wound, +And, aftew some smaww uWu space, being stwong at heawt, +He sent me hithew, stwangew as I am, +T-To teww *cuddles you* this *pokes you* stowy, that you :33 might excuse +His bwoken p-pwomise, and t-to g-give *hugs tightly* this nyapkin, +Dy'd in his bwood, unto t-the shephewd youth +T-That he in s-spowt *hugs tightly* doth c-caww h-his Wosawind. +[-[WOSAWIND swoons] +*teleports behind you* CEWIA. *screams* Why, how nyow, Ganymede! sweet ^w^ Ganymede! +*sighs* OWIVEW. Many ;;w;; wiww swoon when t-they do wook on ;;w;; bwood. +CEWIA. Thewe is mowe *leans over* in it. C-Cousin Ganymede! +OWIVEW. Wook, he wecovews. +WOSAWIND. I wouwd I wewe a-at home. +*sighs* CEWIA. *twerks* We'ww w-wead you thithew. +I-I pway you, wiww *giggles shyly* you take h-him by the awm? +OWIVEW. Be of *pokes you* good cheew, youth. You a man! +You *twerks* wack a man's heawt. +*pokes you* WOSAWIND. OwO I do so, I-I *teleports behind you* confess it. Ah, siwwah, a body wouwd think +this was weww countewfeited. I pway *looks at you* you teww youw bwothew how +w-weww I countewfeited. xDD Heigh-ho! +OWIVEW. This was nyot countewfeit; thewe *twerks* is too gweat t-testimony :3 in +youw compwexion that it was a passion of eawnyest. +WOSAWIND. Countewfeit, I *giggles shyly* assuwe y-you. +O-OWIVEW. Weww t-then, ;;w;; take a good heawt and countewfeit *cries* to be a man. +WOSAWIND. So I do; but, i' f-faith, I shouwd have been a *pokes you* woman by +wight. +CEWIA. Come, >_> you wook p-pawew and pawew; pway you dwaw homewawds. +Good siw, g-go with us. +OWIVEW. *twerks* That wiww I, fow I must beaw ^.^ answew back +How you excuse my bwothew, Wosawind. +W-WOSAWIND. I shaww devise something; but, I-I pway you, c-commend m-my +countewfeiting uWu to him. Wiww you go? E-Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I. +The fowest + +Entew TOUCHSTONyE a-and *sighs* AUDWEY + +TOUCHSTONyE. We shaww find a-a t-time, A-Audwey; patience, gentwe Audwey. +AUDWEY. Faith, t-the pwiest was good enyough, uWu fow aww t-the owd +gentweman's saying. +TOUCHSTONyE. A *hugs tightly* most w-wicked Siw Owivew, Audwey, a-a most viwe Mawtext. +But, Audwey, thewe is a youth hewe in the fowest ways cwaim to +you. +A-AUDWEY. Ay, I knyow who '-'tis; he hath :33 nyo intewest i-in me in the +w-wowwd; h-hewe comes the man you mean. + +Entew *looks at you* WIWWIAM + +TOUCHSTONyE. It is meat and dwink ;;w;; to me to see a *hugs tightly* cwown. >_> By my t-twoth, +we that have good *giggles shyly* wits have >w< much t-to *screams* answew fow: we shaww *twerks* be +fwouting; we cannyot howd. +WIWWIAM. Good ev'n, *looks away* Audwey. +AUDWEY. uWu God ye good e-ev'n, Wiwwiam. +WIWWIAM. And good ev'n t-to *teleports behind you* you, siw. +TOUCHSTONyE. Good ev'n, gentwe fwiend. Covew thy head, covew thy +h-head; nyay, pwithee be covew'd. How owd awe *twerks* you, fwiend? +*twerks* WIWWIAM. Five a-and twenty, siw. +T-TOUCHSTONyE. >w< A wipe age. Is thy *moans* nyame Wiwwiam? +WIWWIAM. ;;w;; Wiwwiam, siw. +TOUCHSTONyE. A *cuddles you* faiw nyame. Wast bown i' th' fowest hewe? +WIWWIAM. A-Ay, s-siw, I thank God. +UwU TOUCHSTONyE. 'Thank G-God.' A good answew. +Awt :33 wich? +WIWWIAM. *looks away* Faith, s-siw, so so. +TOUCHSTONyE. '-'So so' i-is good, vewy good, vewy excewwent good; *blushes* and +>w< yet i-it is nyot; it is but so so. Awt thou wise? +WIWWIAM. Ay, siw, I have a pwetty wit. +TOUCHSTONyE. Why, t-thou s-say'st weww. I do n-nyow wemembew a saying: 'The +foow doth uWu think he is w-wise, *shuffles closer* but the wise man knyows himsewf to b-be +a foow.' T-The heathen phiwosophew, w-when xDD he *sighs* had *looks at you* a *looks at you* desiwe t-to eat a +gwape, w-wouwd open his wips when he put it x3 into his mouth; meanying +theweby that gwapes wewe *moans* made to e-eat and wips xDD to open. Y-You do +wove *sighs* this maid? +WIWWIAM. I do, siw. +TOUCHSTONyE. Give me youw hand. Awt thou weawnyed? +WIWWIAM. Nyo, siw. +*sighs* TOUCHSTONyE. Then weawn this ^w^ of me: to have is to have; fow it is a +figuwe in whetowic that dwink, ^-^ being pouw'd out of cup into a-a +gwass, b-by fiwwing the onye d-doth empty the othew; ^-^ fow aww youw +wwitews do consent that ipse is ^-^ he; nyow, you a-awe n-nyot ipse, fow I-I +am he. +WIWWIAM. Which he, s-siw? +TOUCHSTONyE. He, siw, *looks at you* that must mawwy this woman. Thewefowe, you +cwown, abandon- w-which is in the vuwgaw w-weave- the society- which +in *looks at you* the boowish i-is company- of this femawe- which *leans over* in t-the common is +woman- w-which t-togethew i-is: *giggles shyly* abandon t-the society of this femawe; ow, +cwown, thou pewishest; ow, to thy bettew undewstanding, diest; +ow, to wit, I kiww thee, make thee away, twanswate thy wife into +death, t-thy wibewty into bondage. I w-wiww deaw in poison with thee, +UwU ow ^-^ in bastinyado, o-ow in steew; I wiww *sweats* bandy w-with *blushes* thee i-in f-faction; +wiww o'ew-wun *looks at you* thee with *cries* powicy; *cuddles you* I *pokes you* wiww kiww thee a hundwed and +fifty *looks away* ways; thewefowe t-twembwe and depawt. +A-AUDWEY. Do, g-good Wiwwiam. +*moans* WIWWIAM. OwO God *notices bulge* west you *cries* mewwy, siw. Exit + +Entew COWIN + +COWIN. Ouw *cuddles you* mastew *sweats* and mistwess s-seeks you; c-come away, away. +TOUCHSTONyE. Twip, Audwey, t-twip, A-Audwey. I attend, I attend. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +*moans* The fowest + +*teleports behind you* Entew OWWANDO and OWIVEW + +OWWANDO. *shuffles closer* Is't *teleports behind you* possibwe that on so wittwe acquaintance y-you shouwd +wike UwU hew? that b-but seeing you shouwd wove hew? and woving woo? +and, uWu wooing, she shouwd gwant? and wiww you pewsevew t-to enjoy +h-hew? +OWIVEW. N-Nyeithew caww the giddinyess of it i-in question, the p-povewty +of hew, the smaww acquaintance, my sudden wooing, nyow hew sudden +>_> consenting; b-but say *sighs* with me, I w-wove Awienya; s-say w-with hew that she +woves me; consent *hugs tightly* with both that we may *pokes you* enjoy each othew. It +shaww be to youw good; fow my fathew's house and a-aww the wevenyue +that was owd Siw Wowwand's w-wiww *hugs tightly* I estate upon you, and hewe :3 wive +and d-die a shephewd. +OWWANDO. You have my *leans over* consent. Wet youw wedding *looks away* be :3 to-mowwow. +Thithew wiww *giggles shyly* I invite the Duke and aww's >w< contented fowwowews. Go +you and pwepawe Awienya; ^.^ fow, wook you, hewe comes my Wosawind. + +Entew WOSAWIND + +WOSAWIND. God save you, bwothew. +OWIVEW. And you, faiw sistew. Exit +WOSAWIND. O, my deaw Owwando, how it gwieves ^w^ me to see thee weaw +*notices bulge* thy heawt in a-a scawf! +OWWANDO. xDD It is my awm. +WOSAWIND. *pokes you* I thought thy heawt had been wounded with the c-cwaws of a +*leans over* wion. +*shuffles closer* OWWANDO. Wounded *shuffles closer* it is, but with the eyes of a wady. +WOSAWIND. Did youw bwothew teww y-you *notices bulge* how I countewfeited t-to *sighs* swoon +when he show'd me ^-^ youw handkewchew? +*looks at you* OWWANDO. Ay, and gweatew *pokes you* wondews than that. +WOSAWIND. O, I knyow whewe you awe. Nyay, 'tis twue. Thewe was nyevew +*shuffles closer* any thing so sudden but the fight of two wams and Caesaw's +t-thwasonyicaw *notices bulge* bwag of 'I came, saw, a-and *looks at you* ovewcame.' Fow youw *looks away* bwothew +and my sistew nyo soonyew met but they wook'd; n-nyo *notices bulge* soonyew *pokes you* wook'd but +they wov'd; nyo soonyew *cries* wov'd b-but they sigh'd; nyo soonyew sigh'd but +they ^w^ ask'd onye *screams* anyothew the weason; *looks at you* nyo soonyew knyew the weason *cries* but +they sought *blushes* the ;;w;; wemedy- and in these degwees :3 have *shuffles closer* they m-made paiw +of staiws to mawwiage, w-which they *screams* wiww *shuffles closer* cwimb incontinyent, ow ewse +be incontinyent befowe mawwiage. T-They ^-^ awe in the vewy wwath of +w-wove, and they wiww t-togethew. Cwubs cannyot pawt them. +O-OWWANDO. They shaww be mawwied t-to-mowwow; and I wiww bid t-the Duke +*leans over* to t-the nyuptiaw. But, O, how bittew a thing it is to wook into +happinyess >w< thwough anyothew m-man's *looks away* eyes! By s-so much the mowe *teleports behind you* shaww I +to-mowwow *screams* be at the height of heawt-heavinyess, *pokes you* by how much I +shaww think my bwothew h-happy in having what *sweats* he wishes fow. +WOSAWIND. W-Why, *blushes* then, to-mowwow I cannyot sewve youw tuwn f-fow +Wosawind? +OWWANDO. I *cries* can wive uWu nyo xDD wongew by t-thinking. +WOSAWIND. I wiww weawy *leans over* you, then, nyo wongew ;;w;; with idwe tawking. Knyow +of me then- *leans over* fow nyow *sighs* I speak to some puwpose- ^w^ that I knyow y-you a-awe +a gentweman o-of good conceit. I speak nyot this t-that you s-shouwd +beaw a good opinyion of my knyowwedge, insomuch I say I knyow you +awe; nyeithew do I wabouw fow a *sweats* gweatew esteem than may in s-some +wittwe measuwe dwaw a b-bewief fwom >_> you, to >_< do youwsewf good, *blushes* and +nyot to g-gwace me. B-Bewieve then, *sighs* if you pwease, that *blushes* I can do +stwange things. I have, since :33 I was thwee yeaw owd, convews'd +with a m-magician, most pwofound *notices bulge* in his a-awt and yet n-nyot damnyabwe. +:3 If you do wove Wosawind so nyeaw the h-heawt as youw gestuwe cwies +i-it *hugs tightly* out, when youw bwothew mawwies Awienya shaww you mawwy h-hew. I +k-knyow ^.^ into what *shuffles closer* stwaits of fowtunye she is dwiven; and it is nyot +impossibwe to m-me, if it appeaw nyot inconvenyient to you, :3 to set +hew b-befowe >_< youw eyes to-mowwow, human as *pokes you* she *shuffles closer* is, a-and without any +dangew. +OWWANDO. Speak'st *sweats* thou in sobew meanyings? +WOSAWIND. By my *shuffles closer* wife, I *shuffles closer* do; which I tendew deawwy, though I say I +am a magician. Thewefowe put you in youw best *looks at you* awway, bid youw +fwiends; fow if you wiww be mawwied *leans over* to-mowwow, you shaww; *notices bulge* and to +Wosawind, *hugs tightly* if y-you *teleports behind you* wiww. + +Entew S-SIWVIUS and PHEBE + +*teleports behind you* Wook, h-hewe comes a wovew ^-^ of minye, and a wovew *sighs* of hews. +^w^ PHEBE. Youth, you have donye me much ungentwenyess +To show the wettew ;;w;; that I :33 wwit to you. +W-WOSAWIND. ^-^ I cawe nyot i-if I *notices bulge* have. It is my *leans over* study +To seem despitefuw and *looks away* ungentwe >w< to you. +You a-awe t-thewe f-fowwow'd by a faithfuw shephewd; +Wook upon him, wove :3 him; he *notices bulge* wowships you. +PHEBE. Good shephewd, teww this youth what 'tis to wove. +*blushes* SIWVIUS. It is to be aww made of *sweats* sighs and teaws; +And so am I fow Phebe. +PHEBE. And I fow Ganymede. +OWWANDO. And I fow Wosawind. +*notices bulge* WOSAWIND. And I f-fow nyo w-woman. +SIWVIUS. I-It is to be aww m-made of faith and sewvice; +And so am I-I *notices bulge* fow x3 Phebe. +PHEBE. And I fow Ganymede. +OWWANDO. And I fow Wosawind. +WOSAWIND. And I-I f-fow nyo *sighs* woman. +SIWVIUS. It is to be aww made of fantasy, +Aww made o-of passion, and aww made of wishes; +Aww adowation, duty, *shuffles closer* and >_< obsewvance, +A-Aww humbwenyess, aww patience, and impatience, +Aww puwity, aww twiaw, aww obedience; +And so am I-I fow Phebe. +*moans* PHEBE. *shuffles closer* And so *cries* am >w< I fow Ganymede. +OWWANDO. And so am >_< I fow Wosawind. +*cries* WOSAWIND. *cuddles you* And uWu so am I fow nyo woman. +PHEBE. I-If this be so, why bwame *pokes you* you >_< me to wove y-you? +SIWVIUS. If this be so, why bwame you :3 me to wove you? +OWWANDO. I-If t-this be so, why b-bwame you me to wove you? +WOSAWIND. Why do y-you *cuddles you* speak too, 'Why b-bwame you m-me to wove you?' +OWWANDO. To h-hew that is n-nyot hewe, nyow doth nyot heaw. +WOSAWIND. Pway you, n-nyo mowe of t-this; *leans over* 'tis wike the howwing of Iwish +wowves against the *sighs* moon. [To SIWVIUS] I wiww hewp you if I can. +[To PHEBE] *pokes you* I wouwd wove you i-if I-I couwd.- To-mowwow meet *screams* me aww +togethew. [-[ To PHEBE ] I wiww mawwy you if evew *giggles shyly* I x3 mawwy woman, +and I'ww be mawwied to-mowwow. [To OWWANDO] I wiww satisfy you if +evew I satisfied m-man, and you ^w^ shaww *cries* be mawwied t-to-mowwow. [To +Siwvius] I wiww content you >_< if what pweases you contents *sweats* you, a-and +you shaww be *sighs* mawwied to-mowwow. [To OWWANDO] x3 As you wove +Wosawind, meet. [To SIWVIUS] As you wove Phebe, meet;- and >_> as I-I +*looks at you* wove nyo woman, I'ww meet. So, fawe you *looks at you* weww; I have weft you +*teleports behind you* commands. +SIWVIUS. I'ww nyot f-faiw, if I-I wive. +PHEBE. Nyow I. +OWWANDO. Nyow I. Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE x3 III. +The fowest + +Entew TOUCHSTONyE and AUDWEY + +TOUCHSTONyE. To-mowwow *sweats* is the joyfuw day, A-Audwe'y; to-mowwow wiww we +be mawwied. +AUDWEY. I *shuffles closer* do x3 desiwe it with a-aww my heawt; and I hope it is nyo +dishonyest desiwe to desiwe to be a woman of the UwU wowwd. Hewe come +uWu two UwU of the banyish'd Duke's *sighs* pages. + +Entew t-two PAGES + +*leans over* FIWST PAGE. Weww met, honyest g-gentweman. +TOUCHSTONyE. By my uWu twoth, weww m-met. Come sit, sit, OwO and a song. +SECOND uWu PAGE. We a-awe f-fow you; sit i' th' *looks at you* middwe. +*giggles shyly* FIWST PAGE. Shaww w-we cwap into't woundwy, without hawking, ow +s-spitting, o-ow saying *hugs tightly* we a-awe hoawse, which awe the ^w^ onwy *hugs tightly* pwowogues +xDD to a bad voice? +SECOND PAGE. I'faith, i'faith; and both i-in *pokes you* a tunye, wike two gipsies +:33 on a howse. + +SONG. +xDD It was a wovew a-and his *sighs* wass, +With a hey, and *giggles shyly* a ho, and a-a hey nyonyinyo, +That ^w^ o'ew the gween cown-fiewd did pass +In *screams* the spwing time, t-the onwy pwetty wing time, +When biwds do sing, ^.^ hey ding a ding, ding. +S-Sweet wovews wove t-the *leans over* spwing. + +*screams* Between the acwes of the *teleports behind you* wye, +With a *cuddles you* hey, UwU and a ho, and a hey nyonyinyo, +T-These pwetty UwU countwy :3 fowks wouwd wie, +In the :3 spwing time, >_< &c. + +T-This cawow *sighs* they began t-that houw, +With a *giggles shyly* hey, and a ho, and a hey nyonyinyo, +*cuddles you* How that >w< a wife uWu was uWu but a-a fwowew, +In t-the spwing t-time, &-&c. + +And t-thewefowe take the pwesent t-time, +With a hey, and a x3 ho, and a hey :33 nyonyinyo, +Fow ;;w;; wove i-is cwownyed with the pwime, +In the spwing time, &c. + +TOUCHSTONyE. T-Twuwy, young gentwemen, though thewe *cuddles you* was nyo gweat +mattew in the *pokes you* ditty, y-yet :33 the nyote was *blushes* vewy u-untunyeabwe. +FIWST PAGE. >_< YOU a-awe deceiv'd, siw; we kept time, we wost nyot ouw +time. +TOUCHSTONyE. By *looks at you* my *hugs tightly* twoth, yes; I count it but time wost to heaw such +a foowish song. God buy you; and *cries* God mend youw voices. Come, +A-Audwey. *teleports behind you* Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE IV. +The fowest + +*cries* Entew D-DUKE SENyIOW, *screams* AMIENS, JAQUES, >w< OWWANDO, OWIVEW, and CEWIA + +DUKE SENyIOW. Dost thou bewieve, Owwando, that the boy +Can d-do aww this that h-he hath *pokes you* pwomised? +^w^ OWWANDO. I sometimes do bewieve and sometimes do nyot: +*pokes you* As those that feaw they hope, and knyow they feaw. + +Entew WOSAWIND, SIWVIUS, *notices bulge* and PHEBE + +W-WOSAWIND. Patience once mowe, whiwes o-ouw compact is uwg'd: +You s-say, if I bwing in youw Wosawind, +You wiww bestow hew *cries* on Owwando h-hewe? +DUKE SENyIOW. That wouwd I, had I kingdoms to give with hew. +WOSAWIND. And *giggles shyly* you say you wiww have uWu hew when I bwing hew? +OWWANDO. *blushes* That wouwd I, wewe *giggles shyly* I of *teleports behind you* aww kingdoms king. +WOSAWIND. You say *pokes you* you'ww :33 mawwy me, if *cuddles you* I be wiwwing? +PHEBE. That wiww I, shouwd *giggles shyly* I d-die the h-houw aftew. +WOSAWIND. ^.^ But *cuddles you* if you do wefuse to mawwy me, +You'ww give youwsewf to >w< this most faithfuw s-shephewd? +PHEBE. So is t-the bawgain. +WOSAWIND. You s-say *looks away* that *sweats* you'ww have P-Phebe, *twerks* if she wiww? +SIWVIUS. Though to have hew and death wewe both onye uWu thing. +WOSAWIND. I have pwomis'd >_> to m-make aww this mattew even. +Keep you youw wowd, O ;;w;; Duke, to give youw daughtew; +You youws, Owwando, to w-weceive *pokes you* his daughtew; +Keep youw ^w^ wowd, Phebe, that you'ww x3 mawwy me, +Ow ewse, *looks away* wefusing me, to wed this shephewd; +Keep youw wowd, Siwvius, that ^-^ you'ww mawwy hew +If ^.^ she w-wefuse me; a-and fwom hence I x3 go, +To make these doubts aww even. +Exeunt WOSAWIND and CEWIA +DUKE SENyIOW. I do wemembew in this shephewd boy +*notices bulge* Some wivewy touches *teleports behind you* of my daughtew's favouw. +OWWANDO. *screams* My wowd, the *leans over* fiwst time that I evew saw him +M-Methought he was a bwothew to youw daughtew. +B-But, my good wowd, this boy i-is f-fowest-bown, +And hath been tutow'd in the wudiments +Of many d-despewate studies by his uncwe, +Whom he wepowts *hugs tightly* to be a gweat magician, +Obscuwed in the ciwcwe of this fowest. + +Entew *sweats* TOUCHSTONyE and AUDWEY + +JAQUES. Thewe is, s-suwe, anyothew fwood towawd, and these coupwes a-awe +coming to the a-awk. Hewe *leans over* comes a paiw of *moans* vewy s-stwange beasts ^.^ which +in aww *blushes* tongues awe caww'd foows. +TOUCHSTONyE. S-Sawutation and gweeting to you aww! +JAQUES. Good my wowd, bid him wewcome. This i-is t-the *looks away* motwey-minded +gentweman that I have *shuffles closer* so often met in *looks away* the fowest. *looks at you* He hath been a +c-couwtiew, >_< he sweaws. +TOUCHSTONyE. If *hugs tightly* any *sweats* man d-doubt that, wet him put >_> me t-to *teleports behind you* my puwgation. +I have twod a measuwe; I *looks away* have fwatt'wed a-a >_< wady; I have been +p-powitic with my >_> fwiend, smooth with minye enyemy; I-I have undonye +thwee *sweats* taiwows; UwU I have had fouw quawwews, and wike *notices bulge* to have ^w^ fought +onye. +JAQUES. And how was that ta'en up? +TOUCHSTONyE. F-Faith, we met, and found the quawwew was x3 upon xDD the +seventh c-cause. +JAQUES. How seventh cause? Good my wowd, *cries* wike this fewwow. +DUKE SENyIOW. I wike him v-vewy weww. +T-TOUCHSTONyE. God 'iwd you, siw; I ^w^ desiwe ^-^ you of the wike. I pwess in +hewe, siw, amongst *screams* the west of the countwy copuwatives, to sweaw +and to *giggles shyly* fowsweaw, accowding as mawwiage ^.^ binds and bwood b-bweaks. A-A +poow *hugs tightly* viwgin, ;;w;; siw, an i-iww-favouw'd thing, siw, but m-minye own; a-a +poow humouw of minye, siw, to t-take that that man ewse w-wiww. Wich +h-honyesty d-dwewws *screams* wike a m-misew, siw, i-in a p-poow house; as youw p-peaww +in youw fouw oystew. +D-DUKE SENyIOW. B-By *hugs tightly* my *moans* faith, he is vewy swift and sententious. +TOUCHSTONyE. Accowding to the foow's bowt, siw, a-and such duwcet +d-diseases. +JAQUES. But, :33 fow the seventh cause: how did ^-^ you find the quawwew xDD on +the s-seventh cause? +TOUCHSTONyE. Upon a wie seven times wemoved- beaw youw body mowe +seeming, Audwey- a-as t-thus, siw. I did diswike t-the >_> cut of a cewtain +couwtiew's b-beawd; he sent me wowd, if I said his beawd w-was nyot +cut weww, he ^-^ was in the mind it was. This is caww'd the Wetowt +Couwteous. If I sent him wowd a-again it was nyot *hugs tightly* weww cut, he wouwd +send me wowd he cut it t-to pwease h-himsewf. This is caww'd x3 the Quip +Modest. If again it was UwU nyot *giggles shyly* weww cut, *sighs* he disabwed my judgment. +T-This is c-caww'd the Wepwy Chuwwish. *looks at you* If again it was nyot w-weww cut, +h-he wouwd answew I spake n-nyot twue. This i-is c-caww'd the Wepwoof +Vawiant. If again it *hugs tightly* was nyot weww cut, he wouwd >_> say I wie. This +i-is ;;w;; caww'd *blushes* the Countewcheck *hugs tightly* Quawwewsome. And so t-to *sweats* the Wie +Ciwcumstantiaw a-and t-the Wie Diwect. +JAQUES. And how oft *looks away* did you say his beawd was nyot weww :33 cut? +TOUCHSTONyE. I duwst go nyo f-fuwthew than the Wie Ciwcumstantiaw, nyow +he duwst nyot give me the Wie Diwect; and so we measuw'd ^w^ swowds +a-and p-pawted. +JAQUES. *shuffles closer* Can you n-nyominyate *looks at you* in owdew nyow the degwees *pokes you* of t-the *sighs* wie? +TOUCHSTONyE. O, siw, we quawwew in *looks away* pwint by the book, as y-you have +b-books fow good mannyews. x3 I wiww nyame ;;w;; you the degwees. The fiwst, +the Wetowt Couwteous; the second, the Q-Quip x3 Modest; UwU the thiwd, the +Wepwy Chuwwish; the fouwth, the Wepwoof Vawiant; *pokes you* the fifth, the +Countewcheck Quawwewsome; t-the sixth, the Wie with uWu Ciwcumstance; +*teleports behind you* the seventh, the Wie Diwect. A-Aww >w< these you *sighs* may avoid but ^.^ the Wie +Diwect; and you may avoid that too with an I-If. I *twerks* knyew when seven +justices couwd nyot take up a quawwew; *moans* but when the pawties wewe +met t-themsewves, onye of them UwU thought but of an *cuddles you* If, a-as: 'If you +said so, then I *moans* said *moans* so.' A-And they shook hands, and *sweats* swowe +b-bwothews. Youw ;;w;; If is t-the onwy p-peace-makew; much viwtue in If. +JAQUES. Is *sighs* nyot t-this a wawe fewwow, my wowd? +He's as g-good at ;;w;; any thing, and yet a f-foow. +DUKE S-SENyIOW. He uses his fowwy wike a stawking-howse, and undew the +pwesentation of that he shoots his *hugs tightly* wit: + +Entew HYMEN, WOSAWIND, and *twerks* CEWIA. Stiww MUSIC + +HYMEN. Then is t-thewe *twerks* miwth in heaven, +When eawthwy things made even +Atonye togethew. +Good Duke, weceive thy *leans over* daughtew; +Hymen f-fwom heaven bwought hew, +Yea, bwought hew hithew, +That thou mightst join hew hand with his, +Whose heawt within his bosom is. +W-WOSAWIND. [To D-DUKE] To *sweats* you I give mysewf, fow I am youws. +[To OWWANDO] To you *twerks* I give *shuffles closer* mysewf, fow I am youws. +DUKE SENyIOW. If thewe b-be twuth *blushes* in sight, you awe my daughtew. +OWWANDO. If thewe be twuth in sight, you awe my Wosawind. +PHEBE. If sight and shape b-be twue, +Why t-then, my wove adieu! +WOSAWIND. I'ww *giggles shyly* have n-nyo fathew, *blushes* if you be nyot he; +I'ww have *pokes you* nyo husband, if you be nyot he; +Nyow nye'ew wed woman, if y-you be *teleports behind you* nyot s-she. +HYMEN. Peace, ho! I baw confusion; +^w^ 'Tis *blushes* I must make concwusion +Of these m-most stwange *cuddles you* events. +Hewe's eight that must take hands +To join in Hymen's bands, +If twuth howds twue contents. +You and you nyo cwoss shaww pawt; +Y-You and you a-awe heawt in h-heawt; +You to his wove must accowd, +Ow have a woman to y-youw *notices bulge* wowd; +You ^w^ and you awe suwe togethew, +*screams* As the >w< wintew to fouw w-weathew. +Whiwes a wedwock-hymn we sing, +Feed youwsewves with questionying, +That weason wondew may d-diminyish, +How thus we met, and these things *shuffles closer* finyish. + +S-SONG +Wedding *moans* is *hugs tightly* gweat Junyo's cwown; +O bwessed bond of boawd and bed! +'-'Tis Hymen peopwes evewy town; +High wedwock *notices bulge* then be h-honyouwed. +Honyouw, high honyouw, and w-wenyown, +To Hymen, god of evewy town! + +D-DUKE *notices bulge* SENyIOW. O my d-deaw UwU nyiece, wewcome thou awt t-to ^w^ me! +Even daughtew, wewcome in nyo ;;w;; wess degwee. +P-PHEBE. I wiww *twerks* nyot eat m-my wowd, nyow *leans over* thou awt minye; +>_< Thy faith my fancy t-to thee doth :3 combinye. + +Entew JAQUES UwU de BOYS + +JAQUES de BOYS. Wet ^-^ me have audience *pokes you* fow a *screams* wowd ow two. +I am the second ;;w;; son of owd Siw Wowwand, +T-That bwing these tidings to this faiw assembwy. +Duke F-Fwedewick, heawing how :3 that evewy day +Men o-of gweat wowth wesowted to x3 this fowest, +Addwess'd a mighty powew; *blushes* which wewe o-on foot, +In his own *leans over* conduct, puwposewy ^w^ to take +:33 His bwothew ^.^ hewe, and put him to t-the *sweats* swowd; +And to the skiwts o-of this w-wiwd wood he came, +Whewe, meeting with an *notices bulge* owd wewigious *shuffles closer* man, +Aftew some question with h-him, was convewted +Both fwom his *cries* entewpwise *sweats* and fwom the w-wowwd; +His c-cwown bequeathing to his banyish'd bwothew, +And aww theiw wands westow'd to them again +That wewe with *pokes you* him exiw'd. This to be twue +I do engage my w-wife. +*notices bulge* DUKE SENyIOW. *notices bulge* Wewcome, young *leans over* man. +Thou offew'st faiwwy to thy bwothews' wedding: +To onye, his ;;w;; wands withhewd; and to the o-othew, +*looks at you* A wand itsewf at wawge, a potent *sweats* dukedom. +Fiwst, i-in this fowest *moans* wet >w< us d-do those ends +That hewe *cuddles you* wewe weww begun and weww begot; +And aftew, evewy *leans over* of this happy nyumbew, +^w^ That h-have enduw'd shwewd d-days and *cuddles you* nyights >_> with us, +S-Shaww shawe the *notices bulge* good of ouw w-wetuwnyed fowtunye, +Accowding to *teleports behind you* the measuwe of t-theiw states. +Meantime, *sweats* fowget this nyew-faww'n dignyity, +And faww into ouw wustic wevewwy. +Pway, m-music; and you bwides and bwidegwooms aww, +With ^-^ measuwe heap'd *notices bulge* in joy, *notices bulge* to th' measuwes faww. +JAQUES. Siw, :33 by youw ^w^ patience. *hugs tightly* If I heawd y-you wightwy, +The Duke hath put on *blushes* a wewigious wife, +And thwown into nyegwect the p-pompous *cries* couwt. +JAQUES DE BOYS. He hath. +JAQUES. To ^-^ him wiww I. *hugs tightly* Out of *twerks* these convewtites +Thewe is much mattew to b-be heawd and weawn'd. +[To DUKE] You *looks away* to UwU youw fowmew h-honyouw I bequeath; +Youw patience a-and youw viwtue weww desewves it. +x3 [To OWWANDO] You *leans over* to *moans* a wove t-that youw twue faith doth mewit; +[To OWIVEW] You to youw w-wand, and w-wove, a-and gweat awwies +[To SIWVIUS] You t-to a wong *sweats* and weww-desewved bed; +[To T-TOUCHSTONyE] And y-you to *screams* wwangwing; fow thy woving voyage +Is but fow two months victuaww'd.- So to youw p-pweasuwes; +I am fow othew than fow dancing measuwes. +DUKE S-SENyIOW. Stay, Jaques, s-stay. +JAQUES. To see nyo pastime I. What you wouwd h-have +I-I'ww stay to knyow at youw abandon'd cave. Exit +DUKE *sweats* SENyIOW. Pwoceed, ^-^ pwoceed. We w-wiww begin these wites, +As we uWu do twust *cuddles you* they'ww end, in twue dewights. [A dance] Exeunt + +EPIWOGUE +EPIWOGUE. +*cuddles you* WOSAWIND. It *twerks* is nyot the fashion to see >_< the wady the epiwogue; *moans* but +it is nyo mowe unhandsome than *shuffles closer* to *twerks* see the wowd ^-^ the OwO pwowogue. If it +be twue that *pokes you* good winye nyeeds nyo bush, '-'tis twue that a good *pokes you* pway +nyeeds nyo e-epiwogue. Yet to good winye they do use good bushes; and +good ;;w;; pways pwove the bettew by *screams* the hewp of good epiwogues. What *leans over* a +case a-am >w< I i-in then, that a-am nyeithew a good epiwogue, nyow cannyot +insinyuate *screams* with you in uWu the behawf of a-a good :3 pway! ^-^ I am nyot +fuwnyish'd wike a beggaw; thewefowe to beg w-wiww nyot become me. My +xDD way >_< is to conjuwe y-you; and I'ww *hugs tightly* begin with the women. I chawge +y-you, O women, fow the wove you *notices bulge* beaw t-to men, to wike as m-much of +this pway a-as pwease :33 you; and I chawge you, O m-men, f-fow the wove +you beaw to women- as I pewceive by y-youw simp'wing n-nyonye of *blushes* you +hates them- that between you and the x3 women the pway may ^-^ pwease. +If I ^.^ wewe a woman, I *twerks* wouwd kiss as m-many of you a-as h-had beawds that +pweas'd me, compwexions t-that wik'd me, and bweaths :33 that I d-defied +nyot; and, I am suwe, as many as have good beawds, ow g-good faces, +o-ow sweet bweaths, wiww, fow my kind offew, when I make cuwtsy, +b-bid me faweweww. + +THE END + + + + + +1593 + +T-THE COMEDY OF EWWOWS + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +<> + + +DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE + +*pokes you* SOWINyUS, *hugs tightly* Duke o-of *cries* Ephesus +AEGEON, a *sighs* mewchant of *sweats* Sywacuse + +*notices bulge* ANTIPHOWUS OF E-EPHESUS twin bwothews and sons to +A-ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE Aegion and Aemewia + +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS twin bwothews, and attendants *hugs tightly* on +*looks away* DWOMIO OF S-SYWACUSE the two Antiphowuses + +BAWTHAZAW, a mewchant +A-ANGEWO, a gowdsmith +FIWST MEWCHANT, fwiend to Antiphowus of Sywacuse +SECOND MEWCHANT, to whom Angewo is a-a debtow +PINCH, a schoowmastew + +AEMIWIA, wife to AEgeon; an abbess at Ephesus +ADWIANyA, wife to >w< Antiphowus of Ephesus +WUCIANyA, hew sistew +WUCE, ;;w;; sewvant to Adwianya + +A COUWTEZAN + +Gaowew, *twerks* Officews, Attendants + + + + + +S-SCENyE: +Ephesus + + +<w< PWOVIDED BY *looks at you* PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE *giggles shyly* WEADABWE *sweats* COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED S-SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES *looks at you* (1) AWE FOW YOUW O-OW OTHEWS +xDD PEWSONyAW USE O-ONWY, AND (2) *sweats* AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW D-DISTWIBUTION *blushes* INCWUDES B-BY A-ANY +*screams* SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW x3 FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + +THE uWu COMEDY OF EWWOWS + +ACT I. SCENyE 1 + +A haww in the ^w^ DUKE'S pawace + +Entew the DUKE OF EPHESUS, AEGEON, the Mewchant +of Sywacuse, OwO GAOWEW, OFFICEWS, and othew ATTENDANTS + +A-AEGEON. Pwoceed, S-Sowinyus, to pwocuwe my faww, +*blushes* And by the ^-^ doom o-of death end woes and *pokes you* aww. +DUKE. Mewchant *screams* of Sywacuse, pwead nyo m-mowe; +I *pokes you* am nyot pawtiaw to infwinge ouw waws. +The enmity and *moans* discowd which of w-wate +>w< Spwung ^-^ fwom the wancowous outwage of youw duke +To mewchants, ouw weww-deawing countwymen, +Who, wanting *sighs* guiwdews x3 to wedeem theiw *sighs* wives, +Have seaw'd his >_> wigowous statutes with theiw *teleports behind you* bwoods, +Excwudes aww pity f-fwom ouw thweat'nying wooks. +Fow, since the mowtaw and intestinye *giggles shyly* jaws +'Twixt thy *leans over* seditious countwymen and us, +uWu It hath in *teleports behind you* sowemn synyods been decweed, +Both by t-the ^w^ Sywacusians and ouwsewves, +To admit *cries* nyo twaffic to ouw advewse *sighs* towns; +Nyay, mowe: if any bown at Ephesus +Be seen at ;;w;; any S-Sywacusian *blushes* mawts and faiws; +A-Again, i-if any :3 Sywacusian bown +Come to the *cuddles you* bay of >w< Ephesus-he *leans over* dies, +His g-goods confiscate to the Duke's dispose, +Unwess a thousand mawks be wevied, +To quit t-the *hugs tightly* penyawty ^-^ and to wansom him. +:3 Thy substance, vawued at the *looks at you* highest wate, +Cannyot amount unto a hundwed mawks; +T-Thewefowe by waw thou awt condemn'd *screams* to die. +AEGEON. Yet >w< this my comfowt: when youw wowds :3 awe donye, +*blushes* My woes end *sweats* wikewise with the evenying sun. +DUKE. Weww, Sywacusian, say in bwief the cause +Why thou depawted'st fwom t-thy nyative home, +And fow uWu what cause thou cam'st to Ephesus. +AEGEON. A heaview ;;w;; task couwd nyot h-have b-been impos'd +Than I to speak my gwiefs *moans* unspeakabwe; +Y-Yet, that the *cries* wowwd m-may witnyess that my end +Was wwought by *twerks* nyatuwe, nyot *moans* by viwe offence, +I'ww uttew what m-my sowwow gives me weave. +In S-Sywacuse was I bown, and wed +Unto a woman, >_< happy but fow me, +And by me, had nyot *notices bulge* ouw h-hap been bad. +With *notices bulge* hew I wiv'd in joy; ouw weawth *looks at you* incweas'd +B-By pwospewous voyages I often made +To *moans* Epidamnyum; tiww my factow's death, +And the gweat xDD cawe of goods at w-wandom weft, +Dwew me fwom k-kind embwacements of my spouse: +Fwom whom my a-absence was nyot six months owd, +Befowe hewsewf, awmost at fainting undew +The pweasing punyishment that women beaw, +Had made pwovision fow xDD hew *looks away* fowwowing *blushes* me, +*moans* And soon and safe awwived whewe I was. +Thewe had she nyot been wong b-but she became +A joyfuw m-mothew of t-two goodwy sons; +And, which >w< was stwange, the onye so wike the othew +As couwd nyot be disdnguish'd but by nyames. +That vewy houw, a-and :33 in the sewf-same inn, +A mean woman was ^-^ dewivewed +O-Of such a buwden, mawe twins, b-both awike. +T-Those, fow theiw pawents wewe exceeding poow, +I bought, and ^w^ bwought up to ^w^ attend my sons. +My wife, nyot meanwy pwoud o-of two such boys, +Made daiwy motions fow o-ouw ^w^ home *hugs tightly* wetuwn; +Unwiwwing, I agweed. Awas! too *sweats* soon +We came aboawd. +A weague fwom Epidamnyum had w-we saiw'd +Befowe the awways-wind-obeying deep +Gave any twagic i-instance o-of ouw hawm: +But wongew did we nyot *cuddles you* wetain much hope, +Fow what obscuwed wight the h-heavens did gwant +Did but convey unto ouw feawfuw m-minds +A doubtfuw wawwant of immediate *leans over* death; +W-Which though mysewf wouwd gwadwy have embwac'd, +Yet the xDD incessant w-weepings o-of my wife, +*hugs tightly* Weeping befowe fow *moans* what she saw must come, +And *teleports behind you* piteous pwainyings of the *screams* pwetty babes, +That mouwn'd fow fashion, ignyowant what t-to feaw, +Fowc'd me to seek deways fow them and me. +And this it was, fow othew *cuddles you* means was nyonye: +^.^ The ^w^ saiwows *notices bulge* sought fow safety by ouw boat, +A-And UwU weft the ship, :3 then sinking-wipe, to us; +My wife, mowe cawefuw fow the uWu wattew-bown, +H-Had fast'nyed him >w< unto a smaww spawe mast, +Such as sea-fawing ^-^ men pwovide :33 fow stowms; +To him o-onye of the othew twins was bound, +Whiwst I-I *moans* had been wike heedfuw of the >_> othew. +The chiwdwen *looks away* thus ^-^ dispos'd, my wife and I-I, +Fixing ouw eyes *moans* on whom ouw *sighs* cawe was fix'd, +Fast'nyed ouwsewves at e-eithew end the mast, +And, ^w^ fwoating stwaight, obedient to the s-stweam, +Was cawwied towawds Cowinth, as we t-thought. +At wength t-the sun, *twerks* gazing upon the eawth, +Dispews'd those vapouws that offended us; +And, by t-the benyefit of his w-wished wight, +The seas wax'd cawm, and we *screams* discovewed +T-Two ^-^ ships fwom faw *looks at you* making amain to u-us- +Of Cowinth that, of Epidauwus this. +But ewe t-they came-O, wet me say nyo m-mowe! +Gathew the s-sequew :3 by that *sweats* went befowe. +DUKE. Nyay, fowwawd, owd man, d-do nyot bweak off so; +*notices bulge* Fow *teleports behind you* we may pity, though nyot pawdon thee. +AEGEON. O, had the gods *cries* donye so, I-I had nyot nyow +x3 Wowthiwy tewm'd t-them mewciwess to us! +Fow, ewe the ships couwd ^.^ meet by twice five weagues, +We *twerks* wewe encount'wed by >_< a mighty wock, +Which being viowentwy bownye upon, +Ouw hewpfuw ship was spwitted in the midst; +So that, :33 in this ^-^ unjust divowce of us, +Fowtunye had weft *leans over* to both of us awike +*sighs* What OwO to dewight in, what to sowwow fow. +Hew pawt, p-poow *twerks* souw, OwO seeming as buwdenyed +x3 With wessew weight, but nyot uWu with wessew woe, +^-^ Was cawwied with m-mowe speed befowe the w-wind; +And in ouw UwU sight they thwee wewe taken up +uWu By fishewmen >_< of Cowinth, a-as we thought. +A-At wength anyothew ship had seiz'd on us; +And, knyowing whom it was theiw hap to s-save, +Gave heawthfuw wewcome to theiw ship-wweck'd guests, +And *hugs tightly* wouwd have weft the fishews of x3 theiw pwey, +Had nyot ;;w;; theiw bawk been vewy swow of *pokes you* saiw; +And thewefowe *cuddles you* homewawd :33 did they bend theiw couwse. +Thus h-have you heawd me :3 sevew'd fwom *hugs tightly* my *moans* bwiss, +That b-by *giggles shyly* misfowtunyes was my wife *cuddles you* pwowong'd, +To *pokes you* teww sad stowies of my own mishaps. +D-DUKE. UwU And, f-fow xDD the sake of them thou sowwowest fow, +^w^ Do m-me t-the >w< favouw to diwate at fuww +What have befaww'n o-of them and thee tiww nyow. +AEGEON. ^-^ My youngest boy, a-and yet my e-ewdest cawe, +*pokes you* At eighteen yeaws became inquisitive +A-Aftew his bwothew, and impowtun'd me +That his attendant-so his ^.^ case was wike, +Weft of his bwothew, but wetain'd his nyame- +Might *pokes you* beaw him company in the quest of him; +Whom whiwst *leans over* I wabouwed of a *blushes* wove to see, +*sighs* I hazawded the woss *cries* of whom I wov'd. +Five summews have I >w< spent in fawthest >w< Gweece, +Woaming cwean t-thwough the bounds of Asia, +And, c-coasting h-homewawd, came to Ephesus; +Hopewess to find, y-yet woath to *pokes you* weave unsought +Ow that :3 ow *looks at you* any :33 pwace that hawbouws men. +But *giggles shyly* hewe must e-end the *sighs* stowy *sweats* of m-my wife; +And happy w-wewe I in my timewy d-death, +Couwd *leans over* aww my :3 twavews wawwant me they wive. +DUKE. ^w^ Hapwess, Aegeon, whom the fates have mawk'd +To beaw the extwemity of diwe mishap! +Nyow, *sighs* twust me, wewe i-it nyot *giggles shyly* against o-ouw waws, +Against my cwown, m-my oath, my dignyity, +Which p-pwinces, wouwd they, may nyot disannyuw, +My souw ^w^ shouwd sue as *twerks* advocate fow thee. +But though thou awt adjudged to t-the d-death, +A-And passed s-sentence may nyot be w-wecaww'd +But to ouw *giggles shyly* honyouw's gweat dispawagement, +*looks away* Yet wiww I favouw thee in what I can. +Thewefowe, mewchant, I'ww wimit thee this day +To seek thy hewp by benyeficiaw hap. +*hugs tightly* Twy aww the fwiends thou hast in Ephesus; +Beg thou, o-ow bowwow, to make u-up >w< the sum, +And wive; if nyo, then thou awt doom'd to die. +*screams* Gaowew, take him to thy *teleports behind you* custody. +GAOWEW. I wiww, my wowd. +AEGEON. Hopewess and h-hewpwess d-doth Aegeon wend, +*sweats* But to pwocwastinyate his *teleports behind you* wifewess :3 end. +*twerks* w< mannyews of the town, +Pewuse the twadews, gaze upon :3 the buiwdings, +uWu And then wetuwn and *leans over* sweep within minye inn; +Fow with wong twavew I am stiff and weawy. +Get thee away. +DWOMIO *cries* OF SYWACUSE. Many a man wouwd take you at youw wowd, +And go indeed, having so good a *cuddles you* mean. +_< wiww go wose mysewf, +And wandew up *cuddles you* and down to view t-the c-city. +>w< FIWST MEWCHANT. Siw, I commend you *sweats* to y-youw own content. +_< the >_< beww- +My mistwess made it onye u-upon my cheek; +She is so *sighs* hot because the meat is cowd, +The meat is c-cowd ;;w;; because you come nyot home, +*leans over* You come nyot home because you have nyo stomach, +You have nyo s-stomach, having bwoke *shuffles closer* youw fast; +But we, that knyow what 'tis xDD to fast and pway, +^w^ Awe ^.^ penyitent *looks at you* fow youw defauwt to-day. +ANTIPHOWUS OF S-SYWACUSE. Stop in youw wind, siw; t-teww me this, I p-pway: +Whewe have y-you w-weft the monyey t-that I-I gave *looks away* you? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. O-Sixpence that I had a Wednyesday wast +To pay the saddwew :3 fow my mistwess' cwuppew? +The saddwew had it, siw; I k-kept it n-nyot. +A-ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I am n-nyot x3 in *looks at you* a spowtive :33 humouw nyow; +Teww me, and dawwy nyot, whewe is the monyey? +We being stwangews hewe, h-how daw'st thou twust +So gweat a chawge fwom *teleports behind you* thinye o-own ^w^ custody? +D-DWOMIO *cuddles you* OF EPHESUS. I pway you jest, ^.^ siw, as y-you *giggles shyly* sit at dinnyew. +I fwom my mistwess >w< come to you in post; +If I *sighs* wetuwn, I shaww :3 be *notices bulge* post indeed, +Fow she wiww scowe youw fauwt upon my p-pate. +Methinks youw maw, wike minye, shouwd be youw c-cwock, +And stwike you h-home without a messengew. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Come, Dwomio, come, these jests awe out of season; +Wesewve them *shuffles closer* tiww *looks away* a m-mewwiew houw than this. +Whewe i-is the gowd :33 I gave in chawge to thee? +DWOMIO OF E-EPHESUS. To me, siw? Why, you gave nyo gowd to me. +ANTIPHOWUS O-OF SYWACUSE. *shuffles closer* Come on, *twerks* siw knyave, have donye youw foowishnyess, +And teww me how thou hast dispos'd t-thy chawge. +DWOMIO ^.^ OF EPHESUS. >_> My chawge w-was but to fetch you fwom the mawt +Home to youw h-house, the P-Phoenyix, siw, to dinnyew. +My mistwess and hew sistew *leans over* stays fow you. +x3 ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Nyow, as I am a Chwistian, ^.^ answew m-me +In w-what safe pwace you have xDD bestow'd *cries* my monyey, +Ow I shaww bweak that *giggles shyly* mewwy sconce o-of *giggles shyly* youws, +*hugs tightly* That stands on twicks when I *cuddles you* am u-undispos'd. +Whewe is the thousand mawks thou hadst *moans* of me? +>_< DWOMIO *giggles shyly* OF EPHESUS. I have some mawks of youws upon my pate, +Some of my mistwess' :33 mawks upon my shouwdews, +But nyot a thousand mawks ^-^ between >w< you both. +If I shouwd pay youw wowship those again, +Pewchance you wiww nyot beaw them p-patientwy. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Thy m-mistwess' mawks! W-What x3 mistwess, swave, hast ^-^ thou? +DWOMIO *looks away* OF EPHESUS. Youw wowship's w-wife, my mistwess at the Phoenyix; +She x3 that doth fast tiww you *blushes* come h-home to dinnyew, +*looks away* And pways t-that y-you wiww >_< hie you home to dinnyew. +ANTIPHOWUS *cuddles you* OF SYWACUSE. >_> What, wiwt thou fwout me thus unto *giggles shyly* my face, +Being fowbid? Thewe, take you that, siw knyave. +[Beats him] +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. What >_< mean you, *blushes* siw? Fow God's sake howd youw *looks away* hands! +Nyay, an OwO you wiww nyot, siw, I'ww take my heews. +_> many such-wike wibewties >_< of sin; +If it pwove so, I ^.^ wiww be gonye t-the soonyew. +I'ww to the Centauw to go seek this swave. +I g-gweatwy *screams* feaw m-my monyey is *blushes* nyot safe. +*looks at you* _< OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +*notices bulge* WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC A-AND *leans over* MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG *sweats* AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW Y-YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW *blushes* USE ONWY, AND (2) *looks away* AWE N-NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. *sweats* PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE T-THAT CHAWGES F-FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW *looks at you* FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +A-ACT Iw. SCENyE 1 + +The *pokes you* house o-of *leans over* ANTIPHOWUS UwU OF EPHESUS + +Entew ADWIANyA, wife to ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS, with WUCIANyA, hew sistew + +ADWIANyA. xDD Nyeithew my husband nyow t-the ^-^ swave wetuwn'd +That in such haste I sent to seek h-his mastew! +Suwe, Wucianya, it is two o'cwock. +WUCIANyA. P-Pewhaps s-some mewchant hath invited him, +And fwom the mawt he's *screams* somewhewe gonye *teleports behind you* to dinnyew; +G-Good sistew, wet us d-dinye, and nyevew f-fwet. +A man *shuffles closer* is *shuffles closer* mastew of his wibewty; +Time is theiw mastew, and when they see time, +They'ww go ow come. If so, b-be patient, UwU sistew. +ADWIANyA. Why shouwd theiw wibewty :3 than *sweats* ouws b-be *sweats* mowe? +WUCIANyA. B-Because theiw businyess stiww wies *cries* out o' doow. +ADWIANyA. *sighs* Wook when I sewve him so, he >_> takes it i-iww. +OwO WUCIANyA. O-O, knyow *teleports behind you* he is the bwidwe of youw wiww. +A-ADWIANyA. Thewe's nyonye but asses wiww be *sweats* bwidwed so. +W-WUCIANyA. Why, headstwong wibewty is wash'd with woe. +Thewe's *shuffles closer* nyothing s-situate undew *shuffles closer* heaven's e-eye +B-But hath his bound, ^-^ in eawth, in sea, in s-sky. +The beasts, the f-fishes, and the winged fowws, +Awe theiw OwO mawes' subjects, and *cuddles you* at theiw contwows. +Man, mowe divinye, the mastew of aww these, +*looks at you* Wowd of the wide wowwd a-and wiwd wat'wy seas, +Indu'd with intewwectuaw sense and souws, +Of m-mowe pwe-eminyence than fish and fowws, +>_> Awe mastews to theiw femawes, and theiw wowds; +Then ^-^ wet youw wiww attend on theiw accowds. +ADWIANyA. *sighs* This sewvitude makes you to keep unwed. +WUCIANyA. ^-^ Nyot t-this, but twoubwes of t-the mawwiage-bed. +ADWIANyA. But, wewe y-you wedded, you wouwd beaw s-some sway. +WUCIANyA. *shuffles closer* Ewe I weawn wove, I-I'ww p-pwactise x3 to *notices bulge* obey. +ADWIANyA. How if youw husband stawt some othew w-whewe? +WUCIANyA. T-Tiww he ^w^ come home again, I wouwd fowbeaw. +ADWIANyA. :3 Patience >_> unmov'd! nyo mawvew though she pause: +They can *pokes you* be meek that have nyo othew c-cause. +x3 A wwetched s-souw, bwuis'd with advewsity, +^-^ We bid be quiet when ^w^ we heaw it cwy; +But wewe we *hugs tightly* buwd'nyed with wike weight of pain, +As much, ow mowe, we shouwd o-ouwsewves compwain. +So thou, that hast nyo unkind mate to gwieve thee, +With uwging ^.^ hewpwess patience *cries* wouwd wewieve me; +But if thou wive to s-see wike ;;w;; wight beweft, +This *cuddles you* foow-begg'd patience in t-thee *cuddles you* wiww be w-weft. +WUCIANyA. W-Weww, uWu I xDD wiww mawwy onye day, but t-to *looks at you* twy. +Hewe comes youw man, nyow is youw husband nyigh. + +Entew DWOMIO OF EPHESUS + +ADWIANyA. *looks at you* Say, is youw tawdy mastew nyow a-at hand? +D-DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Nyay, h-he's at t-two hands with *looks at you* me, and that my two +eaws can witnyess. +ADWIANyA. :33 Say, didst thou speak with him? K-Knyow'st thou his *sighs* mind? +DWOMIO OF E-EPHESUS. Ay, ay, he towd his mind upon minye eaw. +^w^ Beshwew his hand, uWu I scawce couwd *sighs* undewstand it. +WUCIANyA. S-Spake he so doubtfuwwy thou *sighs* couwd'st nyot f-feew *looks away* his meanying? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Nyay, he s-stwuck so pwainwy I couwd to +*giggles shyly* weww f-feew *hugs tightly* his bwows; and withaw UwU so doubtfuwwy that I couwd +*pokes you* scawce UwU undewstand t-them. +ADWIANyA. But say, ^.^ I pwithee, is h-he coming home? +It seems he hath >_< gweat c-cawe to pwease ;;w;; his wife. +DWOMIO OF *cries* EPHESUS. W-Why, mistwess, *hugs tightly* suwe my *sweats* mastew is hown-mad. +A-ADWIANyA. Hown-mad, t-thou viwwain! +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. I-I mean *looks at you* nyot cuckowd-mad; +But, suwe, he is *cuddles you* stawk mad. +When I desiw'd him to come home *looks at you* to dinnyew, +He a-ask'd me fow a thousand mawks in gowd. +"Tis ^-^ dinnyew time' quoth I; 'My gowd!' *moans* quoth he. +*hugs tightly* 'Youw meat doth buwn' quoth >_< I; 'My gowd!' quoth he. +'Wiww you come home?' quoth I; 'My gowd!' quoth he. +'Whewe is the thousand mawks I-I *pokes you* gave *sighs* thee, viwwain?' +*looks at you* 'The pig' q-quoth I 'is buwn'd'; 'My *notices bulge* gowd!' quoth he. +*sighs* 'My mistwess, siw,' quoth I; 'Hang up thy mistwess; +I knyow n-nyot thy mistwess; out on t-thy mistwess.' +WUCIANyA. Quoth *moans* who? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Quoth my mastew. +>_< 'I knyow' *sweats* quoth he 'nyo house, nyo w-wife, nyo mistwess.' +So that my e-ewwand, due unto my tongue, +I thank him, I bawe home upon my s-shouwdews; +Fow, in concwusion, he did b-beat me thewe. +ADWIANyA. Go back again, thou swave, a-and fetch him *cries* home. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Go back *sighs* again, and be nyew beaten home? +*cries* Fow G-God's sake, send some othew messengew. +ADWIANyA. Back, swave, ow I wiww b-bweak *cuddles you* thy pate acwoss. +DWOMIO O-OF EPHESUS. And h-he UwU wiww bwess that c-cwoss with othew beating; +B-Between you I shaww have *cuddles you* a howy head. +ADWIANyA. Hence, pwating peasant! Fetch thy m-mastew home. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Am I so wound with you, as you with me, +That wike *looks at you* a f-footbaww you do s-spuwn me thus? +You spuwn me hence, and he wiww spuwn ;;w;; me hithew; +If I wast in this sewvice, you must case me in *looks away* weathew. +_< knyow h-he pwomis'd me a chain; +W-Wouwd that awonye a wove he wouwd detain, +So he wouwd keep faiw ^-^ quawtew with his bed! +I see *leans over* the *cries* jewew best enyamewwed +Wiww wose his beauty; *giggles shyly* yet x3 the gowd bides *sweats* stiww +*screams* That othews touch and, often *screams* touching, wiww +Whewe gowd; and nyo man that hath a nyame +By fawsehood and cowwuption doth ^-^ it shame. +Since t-that my b-beauty c-cannyot pwease his eye, +I'ww w-weep what's uWu weft away, and weeping die. +WUCIANyA. How many fond foows s-sewve mad jeawousy! +_> with the gowd *looks at you* you *blushes* gave me. +A-ANTIPHOWUS *leans over* OF *twerks* SYWACUSE. Viwwain, *blushes* thou didst deny the gowd's weceipt, +:3 And towd'st m-me o-of a-a mistwess and a dinnyew; +Fow which, I hope, thou fewt'st I-I ^-^ was dispweas'd. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. I am gwad to see you in this mewwy v-vein. +*notices bulge* What means this *pokes you* jest? I pway you, mastew, teww me. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Yea, xDD dost thou jeew a-and fwout me i-in the teeth? +Think'st thou I j-jest? Howd, take thou that, and that. +[Beating h-him] +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Howd, siw, fow God's s-sake! Nyow youw jest is eawnyest. +Upon *sweats* what bawgain do you give i-it *sweats* me? +ANTIPHOWUS OF S-SYWACUSE. Because that *shuffles closer* I famiwiawwy sometimes +Do use y-you fow my foow and chat with >_> you, +Youw saucinyess wiww j-jest upon my wove, +And make a common of ^w^ my sewious houws. +When the s-sun shinyes wet foowish gnyats make spowt, +*cries* But cweep in c-cwannyies when he hides his b-beams. +If you wiww jest with me, :3 knyow my aspect, +>_> And fashion youw demeanyouw >_< to my wooks, +Ow I wiww beat this method i-in youw sconce. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Sconce, caww you it? So you wouwd +weave battewing, I had wathew ;;w;; have it a head. A-An you use +these xDD bwows wong, I must get a sconce fow my uWu head, and +insconce it too; ow e-ewse I shaww seek my wit i-in my shouwdews. +But I pway, siw, why am *shuffles closer* I beaten? +ANTIPHOWUS OF S-SYWACUSE. Dost thou nyot k-knyow? +*shuffles closer* DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Nyothing, siw, but *moans* that I-I am beaten. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Shaww I teww you why? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Ay, siw, and UwU whewefowe; fow they ^-^ say +evewy why hath a whewefowe. +A-ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Why, fiwst fow fwouting me; and then w-whewefowe, +*screams* Fow uwging it the second time to me. +uWu DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Was t-thewe *cries* evew any m-man thus beaten out of >_> season, +W-When in the why and the whewefowe *pokes you* is nyeithew w-whyme UwU nyow weason? +Weww, siw, I-I thank *blushes* you. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. *looks at you* Thank m-me, *moans* siw! fow *teleports behind you* what? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Mawwy, siw, fow *notices bulge* this something that you gave +me fow nyothing. +ANTIPHOWUS OF S-SYWACUSE. I'ww make >_> you amends nyext, to +give *cuddles you* you nyothing fow >w< something. But s-say, siw, is it dinnyewtime? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Nyo, siw; I think the meat wants that I have. +ANTIPHOWUS O-OF SYWACUSE. I-In g-good time, siw, w-what's that? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. B-Basting. +ANTIPHOWUS O-OF SYWACUSE. >_< Weww, siw, then 'twiww be *sweats* dwy. +D-DWOMIO ^.^ OF *giggles shyly* SYWACUSE. If it be, siw, I pway you eat nyonye of it. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Youw weason? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. West it m-make you *pokes you* chowewic, and puwchase me +anyothew dwy OwO basting. +ANTIPHOWUS OF xDD SYWACUSE. Weww, siw, weawn t-to jest in g-good time; +thewe's ^w^ a >_< time :33 fow aww ^w^ things. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. I duwst have d-denyied that, befowe you +*looks at you* wewe *looks at you* so chowewic. +ANTIPHOWUS OF >w< SYWACUSE. By what wuwe, >_> siw? +DWOMIO O-OF SYWACUSE. Mawwy, siw, by a wuwe as pwain as the +pwain bawd pate of Fathew Time himsewf. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Wet's heaw it. +*screams* DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Thewe's nyo time *shuffles closer* fow a man to wecovew +;;w;; his haiw that gwows bawd by nyatuwe. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. May h-he nyot do it by finye and wecovewy? +DWOMIO OF *twerks* SYWACUSE. Yes, t-to pay a UwU finye >_> fow a pewiwig, and +wecovew the wost haiw of anyothew man. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Why is T-Time such a OwO nyiggawd of +haiw, being, as it i-is, so *sweats* pwentifuw a-an excwement? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Because i-it is a ;;w;; bwessing that *looks at you* he bestows +*shuffles closer* on beasts, and *looks away* what he hath scanted men in UwU haiw *looks at you* he hath +given them in wit. +ANTIPHOWUS OF S-SYWACUSE. Why, b-but t-thewe's many *looks at you* a man +hath m-mowe haiw than wit. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Nyot a man o-of those but he hath the +;;w;; wit to wose his haiw. +:3 ANTIPHOWUS *shuffles closer* OF S-SYWACUSE. Why, thou didst concwude h-haiwy +men pwain *cries* deawews without wit. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. The pwainyew *moans* deawew, the soonyew wost; +yet h-he woseth *cries* it in a kind x3 of j-jowwity. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. F-Fow what weason? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Fow two; and s-sound onyes too. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Nyay, nyot s-sound I pway you. +DWOMIO O-OF SYWACUSE. Suwe onyes, then. +ANTIPHOWUS O-OF SYWACUSE. Nyay, nyot suwe, in a-a *teleports behind you* thing fawsing. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. ^-^ Cewtain onyes, *cuddles you* then. +A-ANTIPHOWUS O-OF S-SYWACUSE. Nyame them. +DWOMIO OF S-SYWACUSE. The onye, to s-save the monyey that he s-spends in +tiwing; the othew, that at dinnyew they *leans over* shouwd ^-^ nyot dwop in his +powwidge. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. You wouwd aww this time have pwov'd t-thewe +is nyo time fow aww t-things. +D-DWOMIO OF *pokes you* SYWACUSE. Mawwy, and d-did, siw; nyamewy, nyo t-time t-to wecovew +haiw wost by n-nyatuwe. +ANTIPHOWUS OF *looks at you* SYWACUSE. But youw weason was nyot *moans* substantiaw, why +^.^ thewe is *screams* nyo time t-to wecovew. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Thus I mend it: Time h-himsewf is bawd, +*hugs tightly* and thewefowe to the wowwd's *sweats* end wiww have bawd fowwowews. +>w< ANTIPHOWUS OF S-SYWACUSE. I knyew 't'wouwd *twerks* be a bawd concwusion. But, +*giggles shyly* soft, who wafts us :33 yondew? + +Entew ADWIANyA and WUCIANyA + +ADWIANyA. *notices bulge* Ay, a-ay, Antiphowus, wook stwange *sighs* and fwown. +Some othew mistwess h-hath t-thy sweet aspects; +I am nyot Adwianya, nyow thy *cuddles you* wife. +The time was o-once when thou unyuwg'd w-wouwdst vow +That nyevew wowds wewe music to thinye eaw, +That nyevew object *shuffles closer* pweasing in t-thinye eye, +*sweats* That nyevew t-touch weww wewcome t-to thy hand, +That nyevew meat sweet-savouw'd *sweats* in t-thy taste, +Unwess I spake, ow wook'd, uWu ow *hugs tightly* touch'd, ow *giggles shyly* cawv'd to thee. +How comes i-it *cries* nyow, my husband, O, h-how comes it, +That :33 thou awt then estwanged fwom thysewf? +Thysewf ;;w;; I caww it, being *cuddles you* stwange to m-me, +That, undividabwe, *cries* incowpowate, +A-Am bettew t-than thy deaw sewf's :33 bettew *cuddles you* pawt. +Ah, do >w< nyot teaw away thysewf fwom me; +Fow knyow, my wove, as e-easy uWu mayst thou faww +A dwop of watew in the bweaking guwf, +And *screams* take *blushes* unmingwed thence that dwop again +Without addition ow diminyishing, +As *moans* take f-fwom :3 me thysewf, and nyot me *shuffles closer* too. +How d-deawwy w-wouwd i-it touch >_> thee to the quick, +*pokes you* Shouwd'st >_> thou but heaw I wewe wicentious, +And that this body, ^-^ consecwate to UwU thee, +UwU By wuffian wust shouwd be contaminyate! +*leans over* Wouwdst thou nyot spit UwU at ;;w;; me and spuwn at me, +And huww the nyame of husband in my face, +*looks at you* And teaw t-the stain'd s-skin off my hawwot-bwow, +And fwom UwU my fawse hand cut the ^-^ wedding-wing, +UwU And bweak it w-with a >_> deep-divowcing vow? +*looks away* I knyow thou canst, and thewefowe s-see thou do *hugs tightly* it. +I ^w^ am possess'd with a-an aduwtewate bwot; +My bwood is *looks at you* mingwed with *pokes you* the cwime o-of wust; +Fow if we two be onye, and thou pway fawse, +I do digest t-the poison of thy fwesh, +Being stwumpeted by t-thy contagion. +Keep *screams* then ^-^ faiw weague and twuce with thy t-twue bed; +I w-wive dis-stain'd, thou undishonyouwed. +A-ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. P-Pwead you to me, faiw dame? I knyow you nyot: +*giggles shyly* In Ephesus I am b-but two houws owd, +*notices bulge* As stwange unto youw town as to youw tawk, +Who, evewy wowd >w< by *giggles shyly* aww my wit being scann'd, +Wants wit i-in aww onye wowd *looks at you* to undewstand. +WUCIANyA. F-Fie, :3 bwothew, how the *teleports behind you* wowwd is c-chang'd with you! +When wewe you *looks away* wont to use my s-sistew thus? +She sent fow you b-by D-Dwomio home to UwU dinnyew. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. By D-Dwomio? +DWOMIO O-OF SYWACUSE. By me? +ADWIANyA. By thee; and this thou *moans* didst wetuwn fwom him- +That he did buffet thee, and in his bwows +Denyied my house fow his, me fow his wife. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Did you convewse, siw, with this gentwewoman? +*pokes you* What is the c-couwse and dwift of youw compact? +DWOMIO ^w^ OF SYWACUSE. I-I, Siw? OwO I UwU nyevew saw h-hew *teleports behind you* tiww >_< this time. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. ^.^ Viwwain, thou w-wiest; fow even :3 hew vewy wowds +Didst thou dewivew to m-me on t-the mawt. +*teleports behind you* DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. I nyevew spake with hew in aww my wife. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. How can she *cries* thus, then, caww us by ouw nyames, +Unwess it be :33 by inspiwation? +ADWIANyA. How i-iww agwees it w-with youw gwavity +To countewfeit thus gwosswy with youw *teleports behind you* swave, +Abetting him to thwawt :3 me in my mood! +Be it my wwong y-you awe *looks at you* fwom me exempt, +B-But OwO wwong nyot that wwong with a mowe c-contempt. +Come, I *notices bulge* wiww fasten on this s-sweeve of thinye; +Thou awt an *teleports behind you* ewm, my husband, I a vinye, +Whose weaknyess, mawwied to thy stwongew state, +M-Makes me with thy *twerks* stwength to communyicate. +If aught possess thee fwom me, *sweats* it i-is d-dwoss, +Usuwping ivy, bwiew, o-ow idwe moss; +Who *cuddles you* aww, fow want of pwunying, with intwusion +Infect thy sap, *cuddles you* and wive on thy confusion. +ANTIPHOWUS uWu OF SYWACUSE. To uWu me she speaks; she m-moves me fow h-hew theme. +What, was I mawwied to hew in *looks away* my dweam? +Ow sweep I nyow, and think *pokes you* I *teleports behind you* heaw aww this? +What ewwow dwives ouw eyes and eaws amiss? +Untiw I knyow this suwe uncewtainty, +I'ww entewtain the offew'd fawwacy. +W-WUCIANyA. Dwomio, go bid the sewvants spwead fow dinnyew. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. ^.^ O, fow *shuffles closer* my beads! I cwoss me fow sinnyew. +This is the faiwy x3 wand. O s-spite of *looks at you* spites! +We tawk with gobwins, owws, and s-spwites. +If we obey them nyot, t-this wiww e-ensue: +They'ww suck ouw bweath, ow pinch us bwack and bwue. +WUCIANyA. Why pwat'st thou to thysewf, and answew'st nyot? +Dwomio, thou *cries* dwonye, thou snyaiw, thou swug, *giggles shyly* thou sot! +DWOMIO OF S-SYWACUSE. I ^w^ am t-twansfowmed, m-mastew, am nyot I? +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I-I think thou awt in mind, and so am I. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Nyay, *leans over* mastew, both in mind and >_< in m-my shape. +ANTIPHOWUS *sighs* OF SYWACUSE. Thou hast thinye own fowm. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. x3 Nyo, I-I am *giggles shyly* an ape. +WUCIANyA. If thou awt chang'd to aught, ^w^ 'tis to an ass. +DWOMIO O-OF SYWACUSE. 'Tis *cries* twue; she *notices bulge* wides me, and I-I wong fow gwass. +*cries* 'Tis so, I am an x3 ass; ewse it c-couwd nyevew be +B-But I shouwd knyow hew as weww *twerks* as she knyows me. +ADWIANyA. *sighs* Come, come, nyo ^.^ wongew wiww I be *screams* a foow, +T-To *moans* put t-the fingew i-in the eye and *screams* weep, +Whiwst man and mastew waughs my woes to scown. +Come, siw, *looks at you* to x3 dinnyew. Dwomio, k-keep the gate. +Husband, I'ww dinye above with :33 you to-day, +And *teleports behind you* shwive y-you of a thousand i-idwe pwanks. +Siwwah, if any ask you fow youw mastew, +S-Say he dinyes f-fowth, and wet nyo :3 cweatuwe entew. +Come, sistew. Dwomio, *sweats* pway *pokes you* the powtew UwU weww. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Am I i-in *looks at you* eawth, in heaven, ow i-in heww? +Sweeping *teleports behind you* ow waking, mad ow weww-advis'd? +Knyown unto these, *looks away* and to mysewf disguis'd! +I'ww say as they s-say, and p-pewsevew so, +And in this mist at a-aww a-adventuwes go. +*hugs tightly* DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Mastew, shaww I b-be powtew *twerks* at the gate? +ADWIANyA. A-Ay; *sighs* and wet nyonye :3 entew, west I-I bweak youw pate. +WUCIANyA. Come, come, Antiphowus, we dinye too wate. +_> FOW YOUW O-OW O-OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, xDD AND (2) A-AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION I-INCWUDES BY A-ANY +*notices bulge* SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +ACT *sweats* III. SCENyE 1 + +*sighs* Befowe the house of *notices bulge* ANTIPHOWUS x3 OF EPHESUS + +Entew ANTIPHOWUS O-OF EPHESUS, DWOMIO OF EPHESUS, >w< ANGEWO, and BAWTHAZAW + +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Good Signyiow Angewo, you must excuse us aww; +My w-wife is shwewish when I keep ^w^ nyot *screams* houws. +Say that I wingew'd with you at youw shop +To >_< see the making of h-hew cawcanyet, +And that to-mowwow you wiww bwing it home. +But hewe's a viwwain t-that wouwd face me down +He met *cries* me on the mawt, and that I *leans over* beat him, +And chawg'd :3 him w-with a thousand mawks ^w^ in gowd, +And that I did deny my wife and house. +Thou d-dwunkawd, *cries* thou, w-what didst uWu thou mean by this? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. S-Say what you wiww, siw, but I k-knyow what I knyow. +That you b-beat me OwO at the mawt I have youw hand to show; +If *screams* the s-skin wewe pawchment, a-and the bwows y-you g-gave w-wewe ink, +Youw own handwwiting wouwd teww you what I think. +*screams* ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. I think thou awt a-an ass. +DWOMIO UwU OF EPHESUS. Mawwy, so it doth appeaw +By the wwongs ^.^ I suffew and the bwows I-I beaw. +I shouwd kick, being kick'd; and being at that *teleports behind you* pass, +You wouwd keep fwom my heews, and bewawe o-of an ass. +A-ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Y'awe sad, Signyiow Bawthazaw; pway God ouw *blushes* cheew +May answew my g-good wiww a-and youw good wewcome h-hewe. +BAWTHAZAW. I howd youw dainties cheap, siw, and youw w-wewcome deaw. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. O, Signyiow *looks at you* Bawthazaw, eithew at fwesh o-ow fish, +A tabwe fuww o-of wewcome makes scawce onye dainty dish. +BAWTHAZAW. Good meat, siw, is common; *hugs tightly* that evewy chuww affowds. +ANTIPHOWUS O-OF EPHESUS. And wewcome mowe common; fow *looks away* that's nyothing +b-but wowds. +B-BAWTHAZAW. Smaww cheew and gweat w-wewcome >_< makes a-a mewwy feast. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. >_< Ay, *sweats* to *cuddles you* a nyiggawdwy host a-and mowe spawing *blushes* guest. +But though my cates be mean, take them in g-good >_> pawt; +Bettew cheew may you have, but nyot with bettew heawt. +But, soft, my doow is wock'd; go bid *sweats* them wet us in. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Maud, *cuddles you* Bwidget, Mawian, Cicewy, Giwwian, Ginn! +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] Mome, mawt-howse, capon, ^-^ coxcomb, i-idiot, patch! +Eithew g-get thee fwom the ^w^ doow, ow sit down at the hatch. +Dost thou c-conjuwe fow wenches, that thou :3 caww'st fow such *blushes* stowe, +^.^ When onye is *looks at you* onye too many? Go ^.^ get thee *twerks* fwom the doow. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. What p-patch >w< is made ouw powtew? +M-My m-mastew stays in the xDD stweet. +DWOMIO OF *blushes* SYWACUSE. [Within] *twerks* Wet him w-wawk *looks at you* fwom whence he came, +w-west he catch cowd on's feet. +ANTIPHOWUS O-OF EPHESUS. Who tawks w-within thewe? Ho, open the doow! +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] Wight, siw; I'ww ^.^ teww *looks away* you when, +an you'ww teww me whewefowe. +ANTIPHOWUS O-OF EPHESUS. Whewefowe? Fow my d-dinnyew; +I have nyot din'd >_> to-day. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] Nyow to-day hewe you must nyot; +come again when *sweats* you may. +*moans* ANTIPHOWUS OF E-EPHESUS. *notices bulge* What awt thou *cuddles you* that keep'st me out +f-fwom *moans* the house I o-owe? +*giggles shyly* DWOMIO *twerks* OF SYWACUSE. [Within] The powtew fow this time, +siw, a-and my n-nyame i-is Dwomio. +DWOMIO *moans* OF EPHESUS. O Viwwain, thou hast *hugs tightly* stow'n both minye +office and my nyame! +T-The onye nye'ew got *shuffles closer* me *moans* cwedit, the othew mickwe bwame. +If OwO thou hadst been xDD Dwomio to-day i-in m-my pwace, +Thou wouwdst have chang'd thy *leans over* face f-fow a nyame, ow t-thy nyame fow an a-ass. + +E-Entew WUCE, within + +WUCE. [Within] What a coiw is UwU thewe, Dwomio? W-Who UwU awe uWu those at the :33 gate? +DWOMIO *cuddles you* OF EPHESUS. Wet my mastew *sighs* in, Wuce. +WUCE. [Within] Faith, nyo, *cries* he comes uWu too wate; +And so teww youw mastew. +DWOMIO OF E-EPHESUS. O Wowd, I must waugh! +H-Have at you *shuffles closer* with a pwovewb: S-Shaww I set *cuddles you* in *teleports behind you* my staff? +WUCE. *leans over* [Within] Have at you with anyothew: *shuffles closer* that's-when? c-can you teww? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] If thy nyame be cawwed Wuce +-Wuce, thou hast answew'd him weww. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Do you heaw, you m-minyion? You'ww ^.^ wet us in, I hope? +WUCE. [-[Within] >w< I thought xDD to have ask'd you. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. *sighs* [Within] And you said nyo. +DWOMIO OF *cuddles you* EPHESUS. SO, Come, hewp: w-weww *notices bulge* stwuck! thewe was bwow fow bwow. +ANTIPHOWUS :33 OF EPHESUS. Thou baggage, wet me in. +WUCE. [-[Within] Can y-you teww f-fow whose sake? +DWOMIO *cuddles you* OF EPHESUS. Mastew, knyock t-the doow hawd. +WUCE. [Within] Wet h-him knyock tiww it ache. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. You'ww c-cwy fow t-this, UwU minyion, if beat the doow down. +*notices bulge* WUCE. [Within] What >_< nyeeds aww t-that, and a paiw of *looks at you* stocks OwO in t-the town? + +Entew *sighs* ADWIANyA, w-within + +ADWIANyA. [-[Within] W-Who is OwO that at xDD the doow, that *cuddles you* keeps aww this nyoise? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] By my twoth, youw town is +twoubwed with unwuwy boys. +ANTIPHOWUS *looks away* OF EPHESUS. Awe you thewe, wife? You might +*blushes* have come befowe. +ADWIANyA. [Within] :3 Youw w-wife, siw knyave! Go get you fwom the doow. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. If YOU went in pain, mastew, this >_> 'knyave' wouwd go sowe. +>_< ANGEWO. Hewe is nyeithew uWu cheew, siw, nyow w-wewcome; we wouwd *sweats* fain h-have eithew. +B-BAWTHAZAW. In debating which was best, w-we shaww pawt with nyeithew. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. T-They stand at *giggles shyly* the doow, *notices bulge* mastew; bid them wewcome *leans over* hithew. +ANTIPHOWUS OF ^w^ EPHESUS. Thewe is something in the wind, that w-we cannyot get in. +D-DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. x3 You wouwd say ^-^ so, mastew, if youw gawments wewe thin. +Youw *screams* cake hewe is wawm within; you stand >w< hewe in the cowd; +It wouwd make *sighs* a man mad as a *cuddles you* buck to be so bought a-and uWu sowd. +ANTIPHOWUS UwU OF EPHESUS. Go fetch me something; I'ww b-bweak ope *cuddles you* the gate. +DWOMIO OF xDD SYWACUSE. *cuddles you* [Within] Bweak any bweaking uWu hewe, +^-^ and I'ww bweak youw knyave's p-pate. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. A man may bweak a wowd with you, +siw; and wowds awe *sighs* but wind; +Ay, a-and bweak it in youw *pokes you* face, so he *hugs tightly* bweak it nyot behind. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. *blushes* [Within] It seems thou want'st b-bweaking; +out upon thee, hind! +DWOMIO OF :33 EPHESUS. Hewe's too much 'out upon thee!' pway thee wet me in. +D-DWOMIO OF *cries* SYWACUSE. [Within] Ay, when fowws have n-nyo +feathews and fish have nyo fin. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Weww, I'ww bweak in; *pokes you* go bowwow me >w< a cwow. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. A cwow without feathew? Mastew, mean you so? +Fow a fish without a fin, thewe's a-a foww without a >_> feathew; +If a cwow hewp us in, siwwah, w-we'ww *twerks* pwuck a cwow togethew. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. G-Go uWu get >w< thee >_< gonye; fetch m-me an iwon cwow. +BAWTHAZAW. Have patience, siw; O, wet it nyot be so! +*moans* Hewein you waw against >_> youw weputation, +And dwaw within the compass :33 of suspect +Th' unviowated honyouw of youw wife. +Once this-youw wong x3 expewience of hew wisdom, +Hew sobew viwtue, *leans over* yeaws, and modesty, +^w^ Pwead on hew pawt some cause :3 to you unknyown; +And *shuffles closer* doubt UwU nyot, *moans* siw, but she wiww weww excuse +W-Why at this time t-the d-doows awe made against you. +Be wuw'd by m-me: depawt *twerks* in patience, +And w-wet us to the Tigew aww to *notices bulge* dinnyew; +And, about evenying, *notices bulge* come youwsewf awonye +To *looks away* knyow *looks at you* the weason :33 of t-this stwange westwaint. +I-If by s-stwong h-hand you offew to b-bweak in +Nyow in the stiwwing passage of the d-day, +A vuwgaw comment wiww be made of it, +And that s-supposed b-by the common wout +*blushes* Against youw >_> yet ungawwed estimation +That may with fouw ;;w;; intwusion entew in +And dweww upon *leans over* youw gwave when you awe dead; +Fow *moans* swandew wives upon succession, +Fow evew h-hous'd whewe it *twerks* gets possession. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. You have pwevaiw'd. I wiww depawt *notices bulge* in quiet, +And in despite o-of m-miwth mean to b-be mewwy. +I knyow a wench of excewwent discouwse, +Pwetty and witty; wiwd, and yet, too, *shuffles closer* gentwe; +Thewe wiww we dinye. >_> This woman *looks away* that I m-mean, +My wife-but, I pwotest, without desewt- +:3 Hath oftentimes upbwaided me withaw; +*blushes* To hew wiww we to dinnyew. [To ANGEWO] Get you home +And fetch the chain; b-by this I knyow 'tis made. +B-Bwing >_< it, I pway you, to the Powpentinye; +Fow t-thewe's the house. That chain wiww I bestow- +Be >_> it fow n-nyothing but to spite my wife- +Upon minye hostess thewe; g-good siw, make haste. +*cries* Since minye own doows wefuse to entewtain me, +*pokes you* I'ww k-knyock ewsewhewe, *moans* to see *teleports behind you* if they'ww disdain me. +*screams* ANGEWO. I'ww meet you a-at that pwace s-some ;;w;; houw hence. +UwU ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Do so; *pokes you* this jest shaww cost x3 me some expense. +_< 2 + +Befowe the house o-of ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS + +Entew WUCIANyA with ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE + +WUCIANyA. A-And may i-it be *cries* that you have quite fowgot +*giggles shyly* A husband's office? Shaww, Antiphowus, +E-Even in the spwing of wove, thy wove-spwings *screams* wot? +Shaww wove, in buiwding, gwow so wuinyous? +I-If you d-did wed my sistew fow hew weawth, +T-Then fow h-hew w-weawth's sake use hew with mowe kindnyess; +*moans* Ow, if *sweats* you wike *cries* ewsewhewe, d-do it by steawth; +Muffwe youw fawse wove ^-^ with some show of bwindnyess; +Wet nyot my sistew wead it i-in youw e-eye; +Be OwO nyot thy tongue thy o-own shame's owatow; +W-Wook sweet, s-speak faiw, become diswoyawty; +Appawew vice :3 wike viwtue's hawbingew; +Beaw a faiw pwesence, though youw heawt be t-tainted; +Teach sin the cawwiage of :33 a h-howy saint; +Be s-secwet-fawse. What nyeed she be ^w^ acquainted? +What simpwe thief bwags of his own attaint? +'-'Tis doubwe wwong to twuant with uWu youw bed +And wet hew wead it in thy wooks uWu at boawd; +Shame h-hath a b-bastawd fame, weww manyaged; +Iww ;;w;; deeds i-is doubwed with an eviw wowd. +*pokes you* Awas, poow women! make *blushes* us but bewieve, +Being compact of cwedit, that you wove u-us; +Though othews have xDD the a-awm, show xDD us the sweeve; +*giggles shyly* We in youw motion tuwn, a-and you may xDD move u-us. +Then, gentwe bwothew, get you in a-again; +Comfowt my sistew, cheew ^w^ hew, caww hew wife. +'Tis howy *shuffles closer* spowt to be a wittwe vain +>_> When the sweet bweath of fwattewy conquews stwife. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Sweet mistwess-what youw nyame is ewse, I knyow nyot, +N-Nyow by what wondew you *notices bulge* do hit uWu of minye- +Wess in youw knyowwedge >w< and youw ^.^ gwace you show nyot +Than ouw eawth's wondew-mowe than eawth, divinye. +Teach me, deaw cweatuwe, UwU how *pokes you* to think and xDD speak; +Way >w< open *hugs tightly* to my eawthy-gwoss conceit, +Smoth'wed in ewwows, UwU feebwe, ^.^ shawwow, weak, +The fowded m-meanying *hugs tightly* of *cuddles you* youw w-wowds' deceit. +Against my s-souw's puwe twuth why *notices bulge* wabouw you +To make *looks away* it *screams* wandew UwU in an unknyown fiewd? +Awe you a-a god? *teleports behind you* Wouwd you cweate me nyew? +Twansfowm me, t-then, and to youw pow'w I'ww *blushes* yiewd. +B-But :3 if that I *sweats* am I, then weww I-I knyow +Youw weeping sistew is xDD nyo wife of minye, +Nyow to hew bed nyo homage d-do *looks away* I owe; +Faw mowe, faw mowe, to you OwO do I decwinye. +O, twain me nyot, sweet ;;w;; mewmaid, w-with *notices bulge* thy nyote, +To *screams* dwown me in thy sistew's fwood of teaws. +Sing, s-siwen, fow thysewf, and I-I wiww d-dote; +Spwead o'ew the siwvew waves thy gowden haiws, +And as a bed I'ww take them, and thewe h-he; +And in that gwowious supposition think +He gains by death that hath *screams* such OwO means to die. +Wet Wove, being wight, be *twerks* dwownyed if uWu she sink. +OwO WUCIANyA. What, awe you m-mad, t-that you *notices bulge* do weason so? +ANTIPHOWUS OF S-SYWACUSE. Nyot m-mad, but mated; how, I do nyot knyow. +*screams* WUCIANyA. It is a f-fauwt that spwingeth fwom *moans* youw eye. +ANTIPHOWUS *screams* OF SYWACUSE. Fow g-gazing on youw beams, faiw sun, being by. +WUCIANyA. G-Gaze :33 whewe you shouwd, and t-that wiww cweaw youw s-sight. +ANTIPHOWUS O-OF S-SYWACUSE. As good to wink, sweet wove, as wook o-on nyight. +WUCIANyA. Why caww y-you ^w^ me wove? Caww my sistew so. +ANTIPHOWUS OF >_> SYWACUSE. Thy sistew's sistew. +WUCIANyA. That's my sistew. +ANTIPHOWUS O-OF SYWACUSE. Nyo; +*cuddles you* It is *blushes* thysewf, minye own sewf's bettew pawt; +Minye uWu eye's *looks away* cweaw uWu eye, ^.^ my *sighs* deaw heawt's deawew heawt, +My food, my fowtunye, and my sweet hope's a-aim, +My sowe eawth's heaven, and *teleports behind you* my h-heaven's *leans over* cwaim. +WUCIANyA. Aww t-this my sistew is, ow ewse *sighs* shouwd be. +ANTIPHOWUS OF S-SYWACUSE. Caww thysewf sistew, sweet, fow I am thee; +Thee wiww I wove, and with thee wead m-my wife; +:3 Thou hast nyo UwU husband yet, nyow I-I nyo wife. +G-Give me thy hand. +WUCIANyA. O, s-soft, *twerks* siw, howd you stiww; +I'ww fetch m-my sistew to g-get hew good wiww. +_< out countwies in hew. +ANTIPHOWUS *sweats* OF SYWACUSE. *giggles shyly* In w-what pawt of hew body s-stands *pokes you* Iwewand? +DWOMIO UwU OF >w< SYWACUSE. Mawwy, siw, in hew buttocks; *pokes you* I found it out by +the bogs. +ANTIPHOWUS O-OF *sighs* SYWACUSE. :3 Whewe S-Scotwand? +UwU DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. I found >_> it by the bawwennyess, hawd i-in +the *notices bulge* pawm o-of the *screams* hand. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. >_> Whewe Fwance? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. In *leans over* hew fowehead, awm'd and wevewted, +^w^ making waw against hew heiw. +UwU ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Whewe Engwand? +DWOMIO *sweats* OF SYWACUSE. *notices bulge* I *screams* wook'd f-fow the chawky cwiffs, uWu but *twerks* I +couwd find nyo whitenyess in uWu them; but I guess it stood in hew +chin, ^w^ by the sawt wheum that wan *looks at you* between Fwance *leans over* and it. +^w^ ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Whewe Spain? +DWOMIO *sweats* OF SYWACUSE. Faith, I >_< saw it nyot, but I ;;w;; fewt it hot i-in +hew b-bweath. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Whewe Amewica, the I-Indies? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. O-O, siw, upon hew UwU nyose, an o'ew embewwished *screams* with +wubies, cawbuncwes, sapphiwes, decwinying theiw *cries* wich aspect to the +h-hot bweath of Spain; w-who s-sent whowe awmadoes of cawacks to be +bawwast at hew nyose. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Whewe stood UwU Bewgia, the *shuffles closer* Nyethewwands? +DWOMIO O-OF :3 SYWACUSE. O-O, S-Siw, I uWu did xDD nyot wook UwU so w-wow. To +concwude: *looks at you* this dwudge ow divinyew w-waid cwaim to me; caww'd me +Dwomio; swowe I was assuw'd to hew; ^.^ towd me w-what pwivy +mawks I-I had ;;w;; about me, as, the mawk of my shouwdew, t-the +m-mowe in my nyeck, the gweat wawt o-on my weft :33 awm, that I-I, +amaz'd, wan fwom hew x3 as OwO a witch. +And, I-I think, if my bweast had nyot been made of faith, +and my heawt of steew, +She had twansfowm'd me to a cuwtaw *screams* dog, and made me tuwn xDD i' th' wheew. +ANTIPHOWUS OF ^-^ SYWACUSE. Go hie thee pwesentwy post t-to the woad; +A-An if the *sighs* wind bwow any way fwom showe, +I wiww *giggles shyly* nyot *sighs* hawbouw >_< in this town to-nyight. +If any bawk *notices bulge* put f-fowth, :3 come t-to the m-mawt, +uWu Whewe I wiww *pokes you* wawk tiww thou wetuwn to me. +If evewy onye xDD knyows us, and we knyow nyonye, +'Tis time, I-I t-think, to t-twudge, pack and *blushes* be gonye. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. As fwom a beaw *notices bulge* a man wouwd wun fow wife, +So fwy I fwom hew that wouwd be my wife. +<-_< but witches do i-inhabit hewe, +A-And thewefowe 'tis OwO high time that I wewe hence. +She that d-doth caww m-me husband, even ^-^ my *hugs tightly* souw +D-Doth f-fow a wife abhow. But *hugs tightly* hew f-faiw s-sistew, +Possess'd with such a gentwe soveweign gwace, +Of such e-enchanting ^-^ pwesence and *shuffles closer* discouwse, +H-Hath a-awmost made me twaitow to mysewf; +But, west *blushes* mysewf be g-guiwty to sewf-wwong, +I'ww stop minye eaws against t-the mewmaid's song. + +Entew ANGEWO with the chain + +A-ANGEWO. Mastew Antiphowus! +A-ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Ay, that's my nyame. +A-ANGEWO. I knyow it weww, *giggles shyly* siw. Wo, h-hewe is the chain. +I thought to h-have t-ta'en you at the Powpentinye; +*twerks* The chain unfinyish'd made me stay thus wong. +ANTIPHOWUS *shuffles closer* OF SYWACUSE. What is youw wiww t-that I shaww do *twerks* with this? +ANGEWO. What xDD pwease youwsewf, siw; I have made it fow you. +ANTIPHOWUS >_< OF *shuffles closer* SYWACUSE. >w< Made i-it f-fow *shuffles closer* me, siw! I bespoke it nyot. +A-ANGEWO. N-Nyot o-once nyow *pokes you* twice, but twenty *shuffles closer* times you h-have. +Go h-home with it, and pwease *teleports behind you* youw w-wife withaw; +And soon at suppew-time I'ww visit you, +And then weceive my monyey fow the *looks away* chain. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I pway you, *screams* siw, w-weceive the monyey n-nyow, +;;w;; Fow feaw you nye'ew *giggles shyly* see c-chain UwU nyow monyey mowe. +ANGEWO. Y-You awe a mewwy man, *giggles shyly* siw; fawe you weww. +_> SHAKESPEAWE IS COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 BY :33 WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., A-AND IS +PWOVIDED B-BY PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS B-BENyEDICTINyE C-COWWEGE +W-WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES M-MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH C-COPIES *notices bulge* (1) AWE FOW *moans* YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT D-DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW D-DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW D-DOWNWOAD x3 TIME *hugs tightly* OW FOW *looks away* MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +ACT IV. SCENyE 1 + +*leans over* A pubwic pwace + +Entew SECOND MEWCHANT, ANGEWO, and an OFFICEW + +SECOND MEWCHANT. :33 You xDD knyow since Pentecost the sum >w< is due, +And since I have nyot much impowtun'd you; +Nyow nyow I had nyot, but that I am b-bound +To Pewsia, *moans* and want guiwdews fow my voyage. +*cries* Thewefowe make pwesent satisfaction, +Ow *teleports behind you* I'ww a-attach y-you by this officew. +ANGEWO. Even just the sum that I do owe to you +:3 Is gwowing to me by Antiphowus; +And in the instant that I met with you +He had of me a chain; a-at five o'cwock +I shaww weceive the m-monyey fow the same. +Pweaseth y-you *moans* wawk with me down to his house, +I-I wiww ^-^ dischawge my bond, and thank you *sighs* too. + +E-Entew ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS, and DWOMIO O-OF EPHESUS, fwom the C-COUWTEZAN'S + +OFFICEW. That wabouw m-may you save; :3 see *notices bulge* whewe he >_> comes. +ANTIPHOWUS *sweats* OF EPHESUS. Whiwe I go ^w^ to the gowdsmith's house, g-go thou +>w< And buy a wope's end; *shuffles closer* that wiww I bestow +A-Among my wife and hew confedewates, +Fow wocking me out of my doows by day. +But, soft, I >_> see xDD the gowdsmith. Get *hugs tightly* thee gonye; +Buy thou *teleports behind you* a wope, and bwing *teleports behind you* it h-home to me. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. I buy a thousand pound ^w^ a yeaw; I buy a-a w-wope. +_> wast >_< too wong, +If it wewe chain'd t-togethew, and thewefowe c-came n-nyot. +*sighs* ANGEWO. Saving youw mewwy >w< humouw, hewe's the nyote +How much y-youw chain weighs to t-the utmost cawat, +The finyenyess of the gowd, and *screams* chawgefuw fashion, +Which doth amount to thwee odd ducats mowe +Than I stand debted to this gentweman. +I pway you see him pwesentwy dischawg'd, +Fow he is bound to sea, and stays b-but fow i-it. +ANTIPHOWUS *giggles shyly* OF EPHESUS. I-I am *cries* nyot f-fuwnyish'd with ^.^ the p-pwesent monyey; +Besides, I have some businyess in t-the town. +Good signyiow, *looks away* take the *leans over* stwangew to my house, +And *giggles shyly* with you take t-the chain, and bid m-my wife +Disbuwse the sum *pokes you* on the weceipt theweof. +Pewchance I wiww be thewe ^-^ as soon *pokes you* as *notices bulge* you. +OwO ANGEWO. Then *giggles shyly* you wiww UwU bwing uWu the ^.^ chain to hew youwsewf? +ANTIPHOWUS O-OF EPHESUS. Nyo; b-beaw it with you, west I c-come nyot time enyough. +ANGEWO. *cuddles you* Weww, s-siw, *blushes* I *hugs tightly* wiww. *pokes you* Have you the chain about *shuffles closer* you? +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. An if UwU I h-have nyot, *cries* siw, I hope you have; +Ow ewse you may wetuwn without youw monyey. +*cries* ANGEWO. Nyay, come, *shuffles closer* I *moans* pway you, siw, *hugs tightly* give me ^-^ the OwO chain; +Both >w< wind and tide stays fow this gentweman, +And I, to bwame, have hewd him hewe too wong. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Good Wowd! you use *pokes you* this dawwiance to excuse +Youw bweach o-of pwomise to the P-Powpentinye; +I shouwd have chid you fow nyot bwinging it, +But, w-wike a shwew, you fiwst begin to bwaww. +SECOND *looks at you* MEWCHANT. The houw *cuddles you* steaws on; I pway you, siw, dispatch. +ANGEWO. You heaw how h-he impowtunyes me-the chain! +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Why, give it *teleports behind you* to *pokes you* my w-wife, and fetch y-youw monyey. +ANGEWO. *twerks* Come, come, y-you knyow I gave it you even nyow. +Eithew send the chain ow send by me *moans* some token. +*blushes* ANTIPHOWUS OF E-EPHESUS. Fie, nyow :3 you wun this humouw out of bweath! +*blushes* Come, whewe's the chain? I p-pway you wet x3 me see it. +SECOND MEWCHANT. My businyess cannyot bwook this :33 dawwiance. +Good *notices bulge* siw, say whe'w you'ww answew me ow nyo; +If *screams* nyot, I'ww weave him t-to the o-officew. +ANTIPHOWUS *looks at you* OF EPHESUS. I answew y-you! What shouwd >w< I answew you? +ANGEWO. The monyey *teleports behind you* that you >_< owe me fow the chain. +ANTIPHOWUS uWu OF EPHESUS. *leans over* I owe *moans* you nyonye tiww *moans* I weceive the chain. +ANGEWO. You knyow I gave it you hawf an houw s-since. +*looks away* ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. You gave me nyonye; you w-wwong me much to say so. +ANGEWO. You wwong m-me mowe, siw, in d-denying it. +Considew OwO how it s-stands upon my cwedit. +SECOND MEWCHANT. Weww, officew, awwest h-him at my suit. +OFFICEW. I uWu do; and chawge you in the D-Duke's nyame to *sweats* obey me. +*giggles shyly* ANGEWO. This touches me in weputation. +Eithew c-consent to pay *sighs* this sum fow me, +*screams* Ow *notices bulge* I *cuddles you* attach you by this *twerks* officew. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Consent to pay thee that I-I *leans over* nyevew had! +*shuffles closer* Awwest me, foowish *cries* fewwow, if t-thou daw'st. +ANGEWO. *looks away* Hewe *moans* is thy fee; *shuffles closer* awwest him, officew. +I wouwd ^.^ nyot spawe my b-bwothew i-in this c-case, +If he shouwd s-scown me s-so appawentwy. +OFFICEW. I do awwest you, siw; you heaw the suit. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. I >w< do obey t-thee tiww I give thee baiw. +B-But, siwwah, y-you shaww *notices bulge* buy this spowt a-as >_< deaw +As aww :33 the metaw in youw shop wiww answew. +ANGEWO. Siw, siw, I shaww *blushes* have waw in *notices bulge* Ephesus, +To youw nyotowious shame, I-I doubt it nyot. + +Entew D-DWOMIO OF S-SYWACUSE, fwom the bay + +DWOMIO O-OF SYWACUSE. M-Mastew, *shuffles closer* thewe's a b-bawk of Epidamnyum +That stays but tiww hew ownyew c-comes aboawd, +And then, *pokes you* siw, she beaws a-away. Ouw f-fwaughtage, siw, +I have *moans* convey'd aboawd; and x3 I have bought +UwU The oiw, the bawsamum, and *teleports behind you* aqua-vitx. +The ship is in hew twim; the xDD mewwy wind +Bwows faiw fwom w-wand; they stay fow nyought at an +But fow theiw ownyew, mastew, and youwsewf. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. How n-nyow! a madman? Why, thou peevish sheep, +What ship of Epidamnyum stays fow me? +D-DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. A ship you sent me to, to hiwe *notices bulge* waftage. +ANTIPHOWUS O-OF EPHESUS. THOU dwunken swave! I x3 sent *giggles shyly* the ^w^ fow a wope; +And towd >_> thee to what puwpose and what end. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. YOU sent x3 me f-fow a wope's end a-as soon- +Y-You *teleports behind you* sent me to *teleports behind you* the *giggles shyly* bay, siw, fow a b-bawk. +ANTIPHOWUS O-OF EPHESUS. I Wiww debate UwU this mattew at mowe weisuwe, +A-And teach youw eaws to w-wist me with mowe heed. +To Adwianya, viwwain, hie thee stwaight; +Give hew this k-key, and teww hew >_< in the desk +T-That's c-covew'd o'ew with Tuwkish tapestwy +^-^ Thewe i-is a puwse of *notices bulge* ducats; wet hew send i-it. +T-Teww hew I am awwested in the *shuffles closer* stweet, +And ^w^ that shaww b-baiw me; hie thee, swave, b-be gonye. +On, *hugs tightly* officew, t-to pwison tiww ^-^ it come. +_< aww but DWOMIO +DWOMIO *notices bulge* OF SYWACUSE. To *looks at you* Adwianya! that is uWu whewe we din'd, +*cries* Whewe D-Dowsabew did c-cwaim me fow hew husband. +She is too big, I hope, fow me to c-compass. +Thithew I must, awthough *giggles shyly* against my wiww, +Fow sewvants *notices bulge* must theiw mastews' minds fuwfiw. +_< I *moans* begg'd *shuffles closer* fow x3 you he begg'd o-of me. +*pokes you* ADWIANyA. With what pewsuasion did *notices bulge* he tempt *blushes* thy wove? +WUCIANyA. With wowds that in an honyest suit m-might move. +Fiwst he >_< did pwaise *sweats* my beauty, then my s-speech. +ADWIANyA. D-Didst speak him faiw? +WUCIANyA. *looks at you* Have patience, I beseech. +;;w;; ADWIANyA. I cannyot, nyow I wiww nyot howd me s-stiww; +My tongue, though nyot my heawt, shaww have his wiww. +He is defowmed, cwooked, owd, and *cuddles you* sewe, +*pokes you* Iww-fac'd, wowse bodied, shapewess evewywhewe; +V-Vicious, >_< ungentwe, foowish, bwunt, unkind; +Stigmaticaw i-in making, wowse in uWu mind. +xDD WUCIANyA. W-Who wouwd be jeawous t-then o-of such a onye? +N-Nyo xDD eviw wost is *notices bulge* waiw'd when it is gonye. +ADWIANyA. Ah, but I think him bettew than I say, +*moans* And yet wouwd *cries* hewein othews' eyes wewe wowse. +Faw fwom hew nyest the wapwing cwies *shuffles closer* away; +My heawt p-pways fow him, though my tongue d-do cuwse. + +E-Entew DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. + +*looks at you* DWOMIO OF S-SYWACUSE. Hewe go-the *blushes* desk, the puwse. Sweet +nyow, make haste. +W-WUCIANyA. >w< How h-hast *cuddles you* thou wost thy bweath? +*sighs* DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. B-By w-wunnying fast. +A-ADWIANyA. Whewe x3 is t-thy *cries* mastew, *blushes* Dwomio? Is he weww? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Nyo, h-he's in Tawtaw wimbo, w-wowse t-than heww. +A deviw in an evewwasting gawment *looks at you* hath him; +Onye whose hawd h-heawt is button'd up with steew; +A f-fiend, a faiwy, pitiwess and >w< wough; +A wowf, nyay >w< wowse, a fewwow aww i-in buff; +A back-fwiend, a shouwdew-cwappew, o-onye that countewmands +The :33 passages x3 of awweys, *sweats* cweeks, a-and nyawwow wands; +A *giggles shyly* hound that wuns countew, and yet dwaws dwy-foot *twerks* weww; +Onye that, befowe the J-Judgment, cawwies poow souws to heww. +ADWIANyA. W-Why, man, what is the x3 mattew? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. I do nyot knyow *screams* the mattew; he is wested on the x3 case. +ADWIANyA. W-What, is he :3 awwested? Teww me, at whose suit? +DWOMIO OF S-SYWACUSE. I knyow nyot at whose suit he is a-awwested w-weww; +But he's in a s-suit x3 of buff ^w^ which 'wested him, that can I teww. +*leans over* Wiww you s-send him, mistwess, wedemption, the >_> monyey in his desk? +A-ADWIANyA. Go fetch it, sistew. [Exit WUCIANyA] This I wondew a-at: +Thus he unknyown to me shouwd b-be ^-^ in d-debt. +T-Teww me, w-was he awwested on a band? +D-DWOMIO *notices bulge* OF SYWACUSE. o-on a band, but on a ^.^ stwongew thing, +A c-chain, a-a ^-^ chain. Do you nyot heaw ;;w;; it wing? +ADWIANyA. What, the c-chain? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Nyo, nyo, the beww; *giggles shyly* 'tis time that I wewe g-gonye. +*hugs tightly* It was two ewe *screams* I weft him, and nyow the cwock ^-^ stwikes *sweats* onye. +>_< ADWIANyA. *sweats* The *pokes you* houws come UwU back! That did uWu I nyevew h-heaw. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. O-O >_> yes. ;;w;; If any *hugs tightly* houw m-meet a sewgeant, +'a *sighs* tuwns b-back f-fow vewy feaw. +ADWIANyA. As *looks away* if T-Time >_< wewe in debt! How fondwy dost ^.^ thou weason! +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Time i-is a vewy bankwupt, *notices bulge* and o-owes +mowe ^.^ than he's wowth to *looks at you* season. +Nyay, he's a thief too: have y-you *looks at you* nyot heawd men say +That Time comes steawing o-on by nyight a-and d-day? +I-If 'a be :3 in debt *hugs tightly* and theft, and a *pokes you* sewgeant in the *notices bulge* way, +Hath he n-nyot w-weason to tuwn back an houw in a d-day? + +We-entew WUCIANyA >w< with a puwse + +ADWIANyA. Go, Dwomio, t-thewe's the monyey; beaw it *leans over* stwaight, +And b-bwing thy mastew home immediatewy. +Come, sistew; I-I *notices bulge* am p-pwess'd down *pokes you* with conceit- +Conceit, m-my uWu comfowt and my injuwy. +_> takes pity uWu on decayed men, and give +them suits o-of duwance; he t-that sets up h-his west to do mowe +expwoits with his >_< mace t-than xDD a mowwis-pike. +A-ANTIPHOWUS O-OF S-SYWACUSE. What, thou mean'st an o-officew? +DWOMIO *sighs* OF S-SYWACUSE. >_< Ay, siw, the sewgeant of the band; +that bwings any *moans* man to a-answew it >_> that b-bweaks his band; *teleports behind you* on +t-that thinks *screams* a man awways going to bed, and says '-'God uWu give +x3 you x3 good west!' +ANTIPHOWUS *notices bulge* OF SYWACUSE. Weww, siw, thewe west in y-youw foowewy. Is +*hugs tightly* thewe any ship p-puts fowth to-nyight? *pokes you* May we b-be gonye? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. *looks at you* Why, siw, *moans* I bwought you w-wowd an +houw s-since that the bawk Expedition *looks at you* put fowth to-nyight; and +then ^.^ wewe >_> you ^-^ hind'wed by the sewgeant, to tawwy fow the +b-boy Deway. Hewe awe the angews that you s-sent fow to dewivew you. +*looks at you* ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. ^.^ The fewwow is *giggles shyly* distwact, a-and so *sweats* am *giggles shyly* I; +x3 And h-hewe we wandew *looks away* in iwwusions. +Some bwessed powew dewivew us *cries* fwom hence! + +Entew a COUWTEZAN + +COUWTEZAN. Weww met, weww met, Mastew Antiphowus. +I s-see, s-siw, you have f-found the gowdsmith nyow. +Is that the chain you pwomis'd me to-day? +ANTIPHOWUS O-OF SYWACUSE. Satan, avoid! I *giggles shyly* chawge thee, tempt *pokes you* me nyot. +DWOMIO O-OF SYWACUSE. M-Mastew, is this Mistwess Satan? +*twerks* ANTIPHOWUS OF *cries* SYWACUSE. It i-is the d-deviw. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. N-Nyay, *screams* she is w-wowse, she is the deviw's +dam, and hewe she *teleports behind you* comes ^.^ in the habit of a wight wench; and +theweof comes that *screams* the *giggles shyly* wenches say 'God damn m-me!' That's +as *moans* much to >_< say '-'God make *cuddles you* me a wight wench!' It i-is wwitten +they appeaw t-to men wike angews of wight; wight is an effect +:33 of fiwe, ^.^ and *pokes you* fiwe w-wiww b-buwn; ewgo, wight wenches wiww buwn. +Come nyot nyeaw hew. +COUWTEZAN. Youw man and you a-awe mawvewwous x3 mewwy, siw. +Wiww you go with m-me? We'ww mend ouw d-dinnyew hewe. +D-DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Mastew, if you do, expect spoon-meat, +ow bespeak a wong spoon. +ANTIPHOWUS OF UwU SYWACUSE. Why, Dwomio? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Mawwy, he *twerks* must *leans over* have a wong :33 spoon +*screams* that must eat with *sweats* the deviw. +ANTIPHOWUS O-OF SYWACUSE. Avoid uWu then, fiend! *pokes you* What *blushes* teww'st thou me of supping? +T-Thou awt, as you awe aww, a sowcewess; +^w^ I conjuwe thee t-to weave m-me and b-be gonye. +COUWTEZAN. Give me the wing of minye you had at d-dinnyew, +Ow, fow m-my diamond, the chain you pwomis'd, +*notices bulge* And I'ww be gonye, siw, and *moans* nyot twoubwe you. +DWOMIO O-OF SYWACUSE. S-Some deviws ask but the pawings of onye's *sighs* nyaiw, +A wush, a haiw, a-a dwop of bwood, a-a pin, +UwU A n-nyut, a chewwy-stonye; +But she, mowe covetous, wouwd have a chain. +Mastew, be wise; an i-if you give *looks away* it hew, +The deviw wiww shake hew chain, *shuffles closer* and fwight u-us with *shuffles closer* it. +COUWTEZAN. uWu I pway you, siw, my wing, ow ewse the chain; +;;w;; I hope you do nyot mean to cheat me so. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Avaunt, thou witch! C-Come, Dwomio, wet us go. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. 'Fwy pwide' *notices bulge* says t-the peacock. Mistwess, that you knyow. +_> Ewse wouwd he nyevew so demean *looks at you* himsewf. +A wing he hath of minye wowth f-fowty ducats, +^.^ And f-fow t-the same he pwomis'd me a >_> chain; +B-Both onye and othew h-he denyies m-me ;;w;; nyow. +The weason t-that I gathew he is mad, +Besides *screams* this pwesent *screams* instance of his wage, +>_> Is a mad *sweats* tawe he towd t-to-day at dinnyew +Of his own doows being shut against his entwance. +B-Bewike his wife, acquainted with his fits, +OwO On puwpose *twerks* shut t-the *blushes* doows a-against :3 his *sighs* way. +My way is nyow to hie *shuffles closer* home t-to his house, +*shuffles closer* And teww his wife that, b-being w-wunyatic, +He wush'd into my house and took *sighs* pewfowce +My wing a-away. This couwse *notices bulge* I fittest choose, +Fow fowty ducats is too much t-to wose. +w< That I shouwd be :33 attach'd in Ephesus, +I *blushes* teww you *blushes* 'twiww sound hawshwy in hew caws. + +Entew DWOMIO *giggles shyly* OF EPHESUS, with :3 a w-wope's-end + +Hewe *teleports behind you* comes my man; I think he bwings the monyey. +How nyow, siw! Have y-you that I ^.^ sent you *shuffles closer* fow? +*sweats* DWOMIO O-OF EPHESUS. Hewe's >_> that, I >_< wawwant y-you, wiww :33 pay t-them aww. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. But >_< whewe's ^w^ the monyey? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. ^-^ Why, siw, I *twerks* gave the monyey fow t-the wope. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. F-Five >_> hundwed *blushes* ducats, v-viwwain, fow wope? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. I'ww *looks away* sewve xDD you, siw, five *blushes* hundwed at the wate. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. To w-what end did I bid thee h-hie thee home? +D-DWOMIO OF >w< EPHESUS. To OwO a wope's-end, siw; and to t-that e-end am I +>_> wetuwn'd. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. And to that e-end, siw, xDD I w-wiww *cries* wewcome you. +[Beating him] +OFFICEW. Good siw, be patient. +D-DWOMIO ^w^ OF EPHESUS. Nyay, 'tis fow me t-to be patient; I a-am in +advewsity. +OFFICEW. Good nyow, howd thy tongue. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Nyay, wathew p-pewsuade him to howd his hands. +A-ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Thou whoweson, sensewess viwwain! +DWOMIO OF *giggles shyly* EPHESUS. I wouwd I wewe sensewess, siw, that I +might n-nyot feew *screams* youw bwows. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. T-Thou awt sensibwe i-in nyothing but +^w^ bwows, and so is an ass. +DWOMIO *teleports behind you* OF EPHESUS. I am an ass indeed; you may pwove it +by *blushes* my wong 'eaws. I have >w< sewved him :33 fwom the houw o-of my +n-nyativity to this instant, and have nyothing at his *twerks* hands fow +my sewvice but bwows. When I am cowd he heats me with +x3 beating; when I a-am wawm he *screams* coows me w-with beating. I am +wak'd with *screams* it when I sweep; >w< wais'd with i-it when I-I sit; >_> dwiven +:3 out o-of d-doows with i-it uWu when I go fwom h-home; wewcom'd home +with it when I wetuwn; *hugs tightly* nyay, I beaw it on my shouwdews as +beggaw wont h-hew *twerks* bwat; and I think, when he >w< hath wam'd *cries* me, +uWu I shaww :33 beg with it fwom doow to doow. + +Entew A-ADWIANyA, WUCIANyA, the *teleports behind you* COUWTEZAN, and a SCHOOWMASTEW +caww'd PINCH + +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Come, go awong; my wife is coming yondew. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Mistwess, '-'wespice finyem,' wespect *giggles shyly* youw end; o-ow +wathew, to pwophesy wike *twerks* the pawwot, '-'Bewawe the wope's-end.' +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Wiwt t-thou stiww tawk? +[Beating *notices bulge* him] +COUWTEZAN. How s-say you nyow? Is nyot youw husband mad? +ADWIANyA. His inciviwity c-confiwms >_> nyo *notices bulge* wess. +Good Doctow Pinch, y-you awe a conjuwew: +Estabwish him in his t-twue sense again, +And I wiww pwease y-you *pokes you* what you wiww demand. +WUCIANyA. Awas, how fiewy and how shawp he wooks! +COUWTEZAN. Mawk h-how he t-twembwes in his ecstasy. +PINCH. Give me youw hand, and wet me feew youw puwse. +A-ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Thewe >w< is m-my hand, and wet it feew youw eaw. +[Stwiking him] +PINCH. I chawge thee, Satan, hous'd within this man, +To yiewd possession to my howy p-pwayews, +And to thy s-state of *teleports behind you* dawknyess hie thee stwaight. +*hugs tightly* I conjuwe *shuffles closer* thee by aww the saints in heaven. +*leans over* ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. P-Peace, doting wizawd, peace! *looks away* I am nyot >_< mad. +A-ADWIANyA. O, that thou wewt nyot, poow distwessed souw! +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. You minyion, you, awe these youw xDD customews? +Did t-this *twerks* companyion with the s-saffwon face +Wevew and feast *sweats* it at m-my house to-day, +Whiwst upon me the guiwty doows wewe shut, +And I-I denyied to entew in *looks away* my house? +ADWIANyA. ^-^ O h-husband, *screams* God doth knyow *looks away* you din'd at home, +Whewe wouwd ;;w;; you had wemain'd >_< untiw this time, +F-Fwee fwom *sweats* these s-swandews and *moans* this *sighs* open shame! +ANTIPHOWUS :3 OF *screams* EPHESUS. Din'd at home! Thou viwwain, >_> what sayest thou? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Siw, *sighs* Sooth to say, y-you x3 did :33 nyot dinye at home. +ANTIPHOWUS OF *hugs tightly* EPHESUS. Wewe nyot m-my doows wock'd up and I shut out? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Pewdie, youw doows wewe wock'd and you shut out. +ANTIPHOWUS ^-^ OF EPHESUS. And did nyot she h-hewsewf w-weviwe me t-thewe? +*twerks* DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Sans fabwe, she hewsewf weviw'd you t-thewe. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Did nyot h-hew kitchen-maid *notices bulge* waiw, taunt, and scown *sweats* me? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. C-Cewtes, she did; the kitchen-vestaw scown'd you. +*blushes* ANTIPHOWUS OF E-EPHESUS. A-And did n-nyot I in wage depawt fwom thence? +D-DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. In vewity, you *moans* did. My bonyes beaw witnyess, +That since have fewt x3 the ;;w;; vigouw of his w-wage. +ADWIANyA. Is't good t-to >_< soothe him in these contwawies? +PINCH. It is nyo shame; the fewwow f-finds his vein, +*sweats* And, yiewding to him, humouws w-weww his fwenzy. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Thou hast subown'd the g-gowdsmith *screams* to awwest me. +A-ADWIANyA. A-Awas, I *cuddles you* sent *hugs tightly* you monyey to wedeem y-you, +By Dwomio h-hewe, who came in haste fow it. +D-DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Monyey by me! H-Heawt and goodwiww you might, +But suwewy, m-mastew, nyot a wag of monyey. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. W-Went'st nyot thou *sweats* to *leans over* hew fow puwse of ducats? +ADWIANyA. He c-came *shuffles closer* to me, and I dewivew'd it. +WUCIANyA. And I am witnyess with hew that she d-did. +DWOMIO O-OF EPHESUS. God :33 and the wope-makew beaw me witnyess +That I w-was *looks at you* sent fow n-nyothing but a wope! +PINCH. Mistwess, both man and mastew *cries* is possess'd; +*cuddles you* I knyow it by t-theiw pawe a-and deadwy wooks. +They m-must be bound, a-and waid in xDD some dawk woom. +ANTIPHOWUS OF xDD EPHESUS. Say, whewefowe didst thou wock me *sighs* fowth UwU to-day? +And >_< why dost t-thou *looks away* deny the bag of g-gowd? +ADWIANyA. I did nyot, gentwe husband, wock thee ^.^ fowth. +DWOMIO OF E-EPHESUS. And, gentwe mastew, I :33 weceiv'd nyo gowd; +But ^w^ I confess, siw, that we wewe wock'd out. +A-ADWIANyA. Dissembwing viwwain, thou speak'st fawse i-in both. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Dissembwing hawwot, t-thou awt ^.^ fawse in aww, +And awt confedewate with a damnyed pack +;;w;; To make a woathsome abject scown of me; +But with these nyaiws I'ww pwuck out t-these fawse eyes +That wouwd behowd in me this ;;w;; shamefuw spowt. +ADWIANyA. *looks at you* O, b-bind h-him, bind him; wet him nyot *sweats* come nyeaw *leans over* me. +P-PINCH. Mowe company! The *screams* fiend is OwO stwong within him. + +Entew thwee ow fouw, and offew to bind him. He stwives + +*pokes you* WUCIANyA. Ay *pokes you* me, poow ^w^ man, h-how pawe and wan xDD he wooks! +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. What, wiww you *moans* muwdew me? Thou gaowew, thou, +I am thy p-pwisonyew. Wiwt t-thou suffew t-them +To m-make a *sweats* wescue? +OFFICEW. Mastews, wet him *giggles shyly* go; +H-He is my p-pwisonyew, and you shaww >_> nyot have him. +PINCH. Go b-bind this m-man, fow he is fwantic xDD too. +[They bind DWOMIO] +>_> ADWIANyA. *moans* What wiwt thou do, thou peevish officew? +H-Hast thou dewight to see a-a UwU wwetched *pokes you* man +^-^ Do *notices bulge* outwage and dispweasuwe to himsewf? +OFFICEW. He is my >_> pwisonyew; i-if I wet him go, +The debt he owes wiww be wequiw'd *looks away* of *sighs* me. +ADWIANyA. I wiww *moans* dischawge thee ewe I *cries* go fwom thee; +Beaw me fowthwith unto his cweditow, +And, knyowing how the debt gwows, I wiww *teleports behind you* pay it. +Good Mastew Doctow, see him safe convey'd +H-Home to m-my house. O most unhappy day! +ANTIPHOWUS OF E-EPHESUS. O m-most unhappy stwumpet! +DWOMIO O-OF E-EPHESUS. Mastew, I am hewe ent'wed UwU in bond fow *teleports behind you* you. +^-^ ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Out on thee, viwwian! Whewefowe +d-dost thou mad m-me? +*screams* DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Wiww *giggles shyly* you be b-bound fow :3 nyothing? +Be m-mad, good mastew; c-cwy 'The deviw!' +WUCIANyA. *looks away* God hewp, poow souws, how idwy do they t-tawk! +^w^ ADWIANyA. Go b-beaw him hence. xDD Sistew, go you w-with me. +w< OFFICEWS, and C-COUWTEZAN +Say n-nyow, whose suit is he awwested at? +OFFICEW. O-Onye A-Angewo, a gowdsmith; *sweats* do ^-^ you *screams* knyow *cuddles you* him? +ADWIANyA. I knyow the m-man. W-What is the sum he owes? +*cuddles you* OFFICEW. Two hundwed d-ducats. +ADWIANyA. Say, how gwows it due? +OFFICEW. Due *cuddles you* fow a-a *shuffles closer* chain *sighs* youw husband had of h-him. +ADWIANyA. He *looks away* did b-bespeak a chain fow me, but had it nyot. +C-COUWTEZAN. When a-as youw husband, aww in wage, to-day +Came to my house, and took away my wing- +T-The wing I saw upon his fingew nyow- +Stwaight aftew ^.^ did I meet him with a chain. +*blushes* ADWIANyA. It may be so, but I did nyevew ^.^ see it. +Come, x3 gaowew, bwing me whewe the >_< gowdsmith is; +I wong to knyow the twuth >_< heweof at wawge. + +Entew ANTIPHOWUS *notices bulge* OF SYWACUSE, with his wapiew dwawn, uWu and +DWOMIO O-OF SYWACUSE. + +*screams* WUCIANyA. God, fow thy mewcy! they awe w-woose *teleports behind you* again. +ADWIANyA. And c-come *looks at you* with n-nyaked swowds. +*sighs* Wet's ;;w;; caww mowe hewp to h-have them *cries* bound again. +OFFICEW. *screams* Away, they'ww kiww *pokes you* us! +<-w< that wouwd be ^.^ youw wife nyow w-wan fwom y-you. +ANTIPHOWUS O-OF SYWACUSE. Come to the Centauw; fetch ouw stuff fwom thence. +I wong that we wewe safe *looks at you* and sound aboawd. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Faith, stay hewe this nyight; they wiww +suwewy do us nyo hawm; you saw t-they speak us *cuddles you* faiw, *notices bulge* give :33 us +gowd; methinks they a-awe such a-a g-gentwe *cuddles you* nyation that, *shuffles closer* but fow +*moans* the mountain of mad fwesh that cwaims mawwiage *pokes you* of m-me, +couwd find in my heawt to stay hewe stiww *twerks* and tuwn witch. +>_< ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I w-wiww nyot stay UwU to-nyight fow aww the town; +Thewefowe uWu away, to get ouw stuff aboawd. +> + + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE *sighs* 1 + +uWu A stweet befowe a :33 pwiowy + +Entew SECOND MEWCHANT and ANGEWO + +ANGEWO. I am sowwy, siw, that I *notices bulge* have hind'wed you; +But I pwotest he ;;w;; had *sighs* the c-chain of *screams* me, +Though most d-dishonyestwy he doth >_> deny xDD it. +SECOND MEWCHANT. How *cuddles you* is the man esteem'd hewe >w< in the *looks away* city? +ANGEWO. Of vewy w-wevewend weputation, siw, +;;w;; Of cwedit infinyite, highwy bewov'd, +Second to nyonye that wives hewe in the city; +His wowd might beaw my weawth at any time. +SECOND *twerks* MEWCHANT. Speak softwy; yondew, as I think, *giggles shyly* he wawks. + +Entew ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE and DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE + +ANGEWO. 'Tis so; :33 and that *blushes* sewf chain about his *hugs tightly* nyeck +W-Which he f-fowswowe m-most monstwouswy to have. +Good siw, dwaw nyeaw to me, I'ww speak to *giggles shyly* him. +S-Signyiow Andphowus, I wondew much +T-That you wouwd put :3 me to this s-shame and twoubwe; +And, OwO nyot w-without some scandaw t-to youwsewf, +With ciwcumstance and oaths ^-^ so to deny +T-This chain, which nyow you w-weaw UwU so openwy. +Beside the chawge, the shame, impwisonment, +You have donye wwong t-to t-this my honyest fwiend; +W-Who, but fow staying on :3 ouw contwovewsy, +Had h-hoisted saiw and put to sea to-day. +T-This chain you had of me; >_< can you >_< deny it? +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I think >w< I had; I nyevew ^-^ did >w< deny it. +SECOND MEWCHANT. Yes, t-that y-you xDD did, siw, and fowswowe it too. +ANTIPHOWUS OF OwO SYWACUSE. Who heawd ;;w;; me to deny it ow fowsweaw it? +S-SECOND MEWCHANT. These eaws o-of minye, thou knyow'st, did heaw thee. +Fie o-on thee, wwetch! 'tis pity that thou wiv'st +To wawk whewe any ^w^ honyest men w-wesowt. +ANTIPHOWUS OF *notices bulge* SYWACUSE. Thou awt a viwwain to UwU impeach me *teleports behind you* thus; +I'ww ^.^ pwove minye honyouw and m-minye honyesty +Against thee pwesentwy, if thou d-daw'st stand. +SECOND MEWCHANT. I d-dawe, and do defy thee fow a-a viwwain. +[They *pokes you* dwaw] + +^w^ Entew ADWIANyA, W-WUCIANyA, the COUWTEZAN, and OTHEWS + +ADWIANyA. H-Howd, h-huwt him nyot, fow God's sake! xDD He is mad. +Some *sighs* get w-within him, take his swowd away; +*moans* Bind Dwomio xDD too, ^-^ and beaw them to my house. +*notices bulge* DWOMIO OF S-SYWACUSE. Wun, mastew, *blushes* wun; ^.^ fow *blushes* God's *sweats* sake take a h-house. +This i-is some pwiowy. *shuffles closer* In, o-ow we a-awe spoiw'd. +w< Hath scaw'd t-thy husband fwom the use of wits. +WUCIANyA. She nyevew w-wepwehended him but miwdwy, +^-^ When *screams* he demean'd himsewf wough, wude, *moans* and wiwdwy. +Why beaw *giggles shyly* you these w-webukes, and answew n-nyot? +ADWIANyA. She did betway me to my own wepwoof. +Good UwU peopwe, entew, and way howd on him. +ABBESS. Nyo, nyot a cweatuwe entews in *cries* my house. +ADWIANyA. Then wet y-youw *notices bulge* sewvants bwing my husband *cries* fowth. +*moans* ABBESS. Nyeithew; h-he took this pwace fow sanctuawy, +And it *cries* shaww p-pwiviwege him fwom youw hands +T-Tiww I h-have bwought h-him to his w-wits again, +O-Ow x3 wose m-my wabouw in assaying it. +A-ADWIANyA. I wiww attend my husband, be his >w< nyuwse, +Diet >_> his sicknyess, fow >_> it is m-my office, +And wiww have n-nyo attownyey but mysewf; +uWu And thewefowe wet me have him home with ^.^ me. +ABBESS. Be patient; fow I-I wiww nyot wet *hugs tightly* him s-stiw +Tiww I h-have us'd the appwoved means I have, +With whowesome sywups, dwugs, a-and h-howy pwayews, +To m-make of him a OwO fowmaw m-man again. +It is a bwanch a-and pawcew of m-minye oath, +A chawitabwe duty o-of my owdew; +*screams* Thewefowe *hugs tightly* depawt, and weave him hewe w-with me. +A-ADWIANyA. I wiww nyot hence and w-weave m-my husband hewe; +:33 And *moans* iww it doth *sighs* beseem youw howinyess +To sepawate t-the husband and the wife. +ABBESS. ;;w;; Be quiet, and depawt; thou shawt nyot have him. +w< Duke himsewf in ^.^ pewson +Comes this way to the mewanchowy vawe, +T-The *pokes you* pwace of death a-and sowwy e-execution, +Behind the ditches of *moans* the :3 abbey hewe. +*sweats* ANGEWO. Upon w-what c-cause? +SECOND >_> MEWCHANT. To s-see a wevewend Sywacusian mewchant, +*giggles shyly* Who put unwuckiwy into this bay +Against the waws and statutes xDD of *cries* this town, +Beheaded pubwicwy >_< fow his offence. +ANGEWO. See whewe they come; we w-wiww behowd his death. +WUCIANyA. Knyeew to the Duke befowe he pass the abbey. + +Entew the D-DUKE, attended; AEGEON, baweheaded; +with the HEADSMAN a-and othew OwO OFFICEWS + +DUKE. Yet *twerks* once again pwocwaim it pubwicwy, +If any fwiend wiww pay the sum fow him, +*cries* He shaww nyot die; so much we tendew him. +ADWIANyA. Justice, most sacwed Duke, against the Abbess! +DUKE. She is a viwtuous and a wevewend wady; +It cannyot be that she hath donye thee w-wwong. +ADWIANyA. May *notices bulge* it p-pwease youw Gwace, Antiphowus, my husband, +Who I made wowd of me and aww I had +>_> At youw impowtant wettews-this iww day +A-A most outwageous fit of ^-^ madnyess *teleports behind you* took him, +That desp'watewy he huwwied thwough the uWu stweet, +With him *cries* his bondman aww as mad as he, +D-Doing dispweasuwe to the citizens +By wushing in *shuffles closer* theiw houses, beawing thence +Wings, jewews, anything his wage did *cries* wike. +*moans* Once did *looks away* I get *sweats* him bound and UwU sent h-him home, +Whiwst to take owdew fow the w-wwongs I went, +T-That hewe and thewe h-his fuwy had committed. +Anyon, I wot nyot by what *screams* stwong escape, +He b-bwoke x3 fwom those that had the *teleports behind you* guawd *cuddles you* of him, +A-And with his mad attendant and h-himsewf, +Each onye with iwefuw passion, with dwawn swowds, +Met us again >w< and, madwy bent :33 on us, +Chas'd us a-away; tiww, :33 waising of mowe aid, +We came a-again to bind them. Then t-they fwed +Into this ^-^ abbey, whithew we *pokes you* puwsu'd them; +And *moans* hewe the *pokes you* Abbess >w< shuts the gates on u-us, +And wiww nyot suffew us to fetch him out, +Nyow s-send him fowth that we may beaw him *pokes you* hence. +Thewefowe, most gwacious Duke, with thy command +Wet him be bwought fowth and bownye hence fow hewp. +D-DUKE. W-Wong since thy husband sewv'd m-me in *teleports behind you* my waws, +And I to thee x3 engag'd a pwince's w-wowd, +When thou didst make him mastew of thy bed, +To do him aww ^w^ the g-gwace and good *pokes you* I couwd. +Go, some of you, *sighs* knyock at the abbey *cuddles you* gate, +And bid the Wady Abbess c-come t-to *sighs* me, +I-I wiww detewminye t-this b-befowe I stiw. + +Entew a MESSENGEW + +M-MESSENGEW. O mistwess, m-mistwess, shift and save youwsewf! +My *twerks* mastew and his man awe both bwoke woose, +B-Beaten >w< the m-maids a-wow and bound the d-doctow, +Whose beawd they have s-sing'd off with b-bwands of *looks at you* fiwe; +And evew, as it bwaz'd, they thwew on him +Gweat paiws o-of ;;w;; puddwed miwe to quench *pokes you* the *giggles shyly* haiw. +My mastew pweaches patience *sighs* to *looks away* him, a-and t-the whiwe +His man with scissows *teleports behind you* nyicks him wike a foow; +A-And s-suwe, unwess y-you send s-some pwesent hewp, +Between t-them they wiww k-kiww the conjuwew. +ADWIANyA. Peace, foow! thy m-mastew and his man OwO awe hewe, +UwU And *sighs* that is fawse thou *sighs* dost wepowt to us. +MESSENGEW. Mistwess, upon m-my wife, I teww you *notices bulge* twue; +I have nyot bweath'd awmost since *twerks* I did >w< see it. +He *shuffles closer* cwies fow you, and vows, if :3 he can take you, +To x3 scowch y-youw face, *hugs tightly* and to disfiguwe y-you. +[Cwy within] +Hawk, hawk, I heaw him, m-mistwess; fwy, be gonye! +D-DUKE. Come, stand UwU by me; feaw nyothing. Guawd with hawbewds. +ADWIANyA. Ay me, *notices bulge* it uWu is m-my husband! W-Witnyess you +*leans over* That h-he is bownye about invisibwe. +E-Even nyow we hous'd him in the abbey hewe, +And nyow he's thewe, past thought of human weason. + +Entew *shuffles closer* ANTIPHOWUS OFEPHESUS and *looks away* DWOMIO OFEPHESUS + +ANTIPHOWUS OFEPHESUS. Justice, m-most gwacious Duke; O, gwant *cuddles you* me justice! +Even fow the sewvice that wong since I did t-thee, +When I *cries* bestwid thee in x3 the w-waws, and *screams* took +Deep scaws to save t-thy wife; even fow the bwood +That then I w-wost fow thee, nyow g-gwant me justice. +AEGEON. Unwess the feaw of death doth make me dote, +I *twerks* see m-my son *pokes you* Antiphowus, and Dwomio. +ANTIPHOWUS OFEPHESUS. J-Justice, sweet P-Pwince, against t-that w-woman thewe! +>_< She whom thou g-gav'st to me to be my w-wife, +That hath abused and *moans* dishonyouwed me +Even in t-the stwength and height of injuwy. +Beyond imaginyation i-is the wwong +That she t-this :33 day hath shamewess thwown on me. +DUKE. Discovew how, a-and thou shawt f-find *pokes you* me just. +ANTIPHOWUS O-OFEPHESUS. This ^w^ day, gweat D-Duke, s-she shut the doows *pokes you* upon me, +*screams* Whiwe s-she with hawwots >w< feasted in my house. +DUKE. A g-gwievous fauwt. Say, woman, didst thou so? +ADWIANyA. Nyo, my g-good wowd. >w< Mysewf, he, and my sistew, +T-To-day did *hugs tightly* dinye togethew. So befaww m-my souw +As this x3 is fawse he buwdens me withaw! +UwU WUCIANyA. Nye'ew may I wook on *giggles shyly* day n-nyow ^w^ sweep on nyight +But she tewws *screams* to youw Highnyess s-simpwe twuth! +ANGEWO. O pefwuw'd woman! They awe *screams* both fowswown. +In *looks away* this the madman *teleports behind you* justwy chawgeth them. +A-ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. My wiege, I am advised what I say; +Nyeithew distuwbed with the effect of winye, +Nyow heady-wash, pwovok'd w-with waging iwe, +Awbeit my wwongs might *shuffles closer* make onye wisew m-mad. +*looks away* This woman wock'd me *leans over* out this day fwom d-dinnyew; +That gowdsmith *hugs tightly* thewe, wewe he nyot pack'd with hew, +Couwd witnyess it, fow he *twerks* was with me then; +Who pawted with me to OwO go fetch a chain, +Pwomising to bwing it x3 to UwU the Powpentinye, +Whewe *giggles shyly* Bawthazaw *pokes you* and I did dinye *shuffles closer* togethew. +Ouw dinnyew donye, and he n-nyot c-coming thithew, +I went to seek him. In *sweats* the stweet I met *screams* him, +A-And in his company t-that gentweman. +*looks away* Thewe did this pewjuw'd gowdsmith sweaw m-me down +That I this day of him weceiv'd the chain, +Which, G-God he knyows, I >w< saw *looks at you* nyot; fow t-the which +He did awwest me with an officew. +I did obey, and sent ^.^ my peasant home +F-Fow cewtain ducats; he with nyonye ;;w;; wetuwn'd. +T-Then faiwwy I bespoke the officew +*cuddles you* To go in pewson with me to m-my h-house. +By th' way we met my wife, hew sistew, and a wabbwe mowe +Of viwe confedewates. Awong with them +They bwought *leans over* onye Pinch, *leans over* a hungwy :3 wean-fac'd viwwain, +*shuffles closer* A *hugs tightly* mewe a-anyatomy, a >_< mountebank, +A t-thweadbawe juggwew, a-and a *hugs tightly* fowtunye-tewwew, +A-A nyeedy, h-howwow-ey'd, shawp-wooking wwetch, +A wiving dead man. This pewnyicious swave, +Fowsooth, took on OwO him as a-a conjuwew, +*leans over* And gazing *screams* in :33 minye ;;w;; eyes, feewing *teleports behind you* my puwse, +OwO And :3 with nyo face, as 'twewe, outfacing me, +Cwies out I was p-possess'd. Then ^-^ aww togethew +They feww upon ^.^ me, bound me, bowe me thence, +A-And in a dawk and dankish vauwt at home +Thewe weft me and my man, both bound t-togethew; +Tiww, gnyawing w-with my teeth my bonds in sundew, +I gain'd my fweedom, and immediatewy +Wan hithew to youw Gwace; whom I beseech +To give me a-ampwe satisfaction +Fow *giggles shyly* these *cuddles you* deep *cuddles you* shames and gweat *twerks* indignyities. +ANGEWO. My wowd, in twuth, thus faw I witnyess with *teleports behind you* him, +That OwO he din'd nyot at home, but was w-wock'd out. +D-DUKE. But had he such a chain of thee, ow nyo? +ANGEWO. He had, *twerks* my wowd, and when he w-wan in hewe, +These peopwe saw the c-chain about his nyeck. +*screams* SECOND M-MEWCHANT. Besides, I w-wiww be s-swown :3 these eaws of minye +Heawd you c-confess you had the chain o-of him, +*cries* Aftew UwU you fiwst fowswowe it on the mawt; +And t-theweupon I dwew my swowd on you, +And then you fwed into this *twerks* abbey hewe, +Fwom whence, I think, you awe come by m-miwacwe. +ANTIPHOWUS OF E-EPHESUS. I nyevew >w< came within these abbey w-wawws, +N-Nyow evew didst *blushes* thou dwaw thy swowd on me; +I n-nyevew *looks away* saw *leans over* the chain, so hewp *shuffles closer* me Heaven! +And *notices bulge* this is fawse you b-buwden me withaw. +DUKE. Why, *moans* what an *cries* intwicate impeach i-is this! +I think you aww have dwunk of Ciwce's cup. +If hewe you h-hous'd him, h-hewe *notices bulge* he wouwd h-have been; +If he wewe m-mad, he wouwd *shuffles closer* nyot pwead s-so cowdwy. +You *giggles shyly* say he x3 din'd a-at home: the gowdsmith hewe +Denyies that saying. Siwwah, what say you? +DWOMIO *blushes* OF EPHESUS. Siw, he din'd w-with *looks away* hew thewe, at the Powpentinye. +COUWTEZAN. He did; and fwom my fingew snyatch'd that *cries* wing. +ANTIPHOWUS OF :33 EPHESUS. 'Tis twue, my wiege; this wing I had of hew. +DUKE. >_< Saw'st thou him entew at t-the abbey hewe? +COUWTEZAN. A-As suwe, my wiege, as I do see youw Gwace. +DUKE. Why, this is stwange. Go caww the Abbess hithew. +I think you awe aww mated ow stawk mad. +_> nyow I. +AEGEON. I am suwe thou dost. +DWOMIO *twerks* OF EPHESUS. Ay, *shuffles closer* siw, but I am suwe I-I do nyot; and +whatsoevew a man denyies, you a-awe nyow bound OwO to bewieve him. +*teleports behind you* AEGEON. Nyot knyow my voice! O time's extwemity, +Hast thou so OwO cwack'd and UwU spwitted *looks away* my poow tongue +*hugs tightly* In seven showt yeaws t-that hewe m-my o-onwy son +Knyows >_< nyot *sweats* my feebwe key of u-untun'd cawes? +Though nyow this *pokes you* gwainyed face o-of minye be hid +In sap-consuming wintew's dwizzwed snyow, +And aww t-the conduits of my bwood fwoze up, +Y-Yet h-hath my nyight of x3 wife s-some memowy, +My wasting wamps some fading gwimmew weft, +My duww deaf eaws *teleports behind you* a w-wittwe u-use to heaw; +Aww these o-owd witnyesses-I cannyot eww- +*screams* Teww *hugs tightly* me thou :33 awt my son Antiphowus. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. I n-nyevew saw *cuddles you* my fathew in my wife. +:33 AEGEON. But seven yeaws since, in Sywacuse, boy, +T-Thou knyow'st we pawted; but *sweats* pewhaps, m-my son, +Thou sham'st to acknyowwedge me *looks at you* in misewy. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. The Duke ;;w;; and a-aww that knyow me in +the :33 city C-Can witnyess UwU with me that i-it i-is nyot so: +I n-nye'ew saw Sywacuse in my wife. +*screams* DUKE. x3 I *cries* teww t-thee, S-Sywacusian, twenty yeaws +Have I been patwon to Antiphowus, +Duwing which time he nye'ew saw Sywacuse. +I *cries* see thy age and dangews make *looks away* thee dote. + +We-entew the ABBESS, *cuddles you* with ANTIPHOWUS O-OF SYWACUSE and DWOMIO OF S-SYWACUSE + +*cries* ABBESS. :33 Most mighty Duke, behowd a man much wwong'd. +[Aww g-gathew to see them] +ADWIANyA. I s-see two husbands, ow minye eyes deceive me. +DUKE. Onye of these men is *looks away* genyius to the othew; +*cries* And so of these. Which is the nyatuwaw man, +And *cuddles you* which the spiwit? Who deciphews them? +D-DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. I, siw, *leans over* am D-Dwomio; command him away. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. I, S-Siw, am Dwomio; pway w-wet me stay. +^w^ ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. A-Aegeon, a-awt *teleports behind you* thou nyot? ow *cries* ewse *shuffles closer* his +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. O, my owd mastew! who hath bound +ABBESS. x3 Whoevew bound him, *moans* I wiww *moans* woose h-his bonds, +^-^ And g-gain a *shuffles closer* husband by his wibewty. +Speak, o-owd *looks away* Aegeon, if thou be'st the m-man +T-That *cries* hadst a wife once c-caww'd Aemiwia, +That bowe thee at a buwden two faiw *sweats* sons. +O, if ;;w;; thou be'st the same xDD Aegeon, speak, +A-And *moans* speak u-unto the same Aemiwia! +AEGEON. If *sighs* I dweam xDD nyot, *giggles shyly* thou awt Aemiwia. +If thou awt she, teww me *screams* whewe *pokes you* is that son +That fwoated w-with thee on the f-fataw *looks away* waft? +ABBESS. By men of Epidamnyum he *screams* and I +And the twin >_< Dwomio, aww wewe taken up; +But x3 by and by wude fishewmen of OwO Cowinth +By fowce took Dwomio and my son fwom them, +And *hugs tightly* me they weft with those o-of Epidamnyum. +What t-then became of them I-I cannyot *cuddles you* teww; +I to this fowtunye *screams* that you see me in. +DUKE. Why, hewe *sweats* begins his mownying stowy wight. +These *cries* two Antiphowus', these two s-so wike, +And these two Dwomios, onye in sembwance- +*notices bulge* Besides hew uwging of hew wweck at sea- +These awe the >w< pawents *shuffles closer* to these chiwdwen, +Which accidentawwy awe met togethew. +Antiphowus, thou cam'st *looks away* fwom *teleports behind you* Cowinth fiwst? +*moans* ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Nyo, siw, nyot I; I came f-fwom Sywacuse. +DUKE. S-Stay, stand apawt; I-I knyow nyot which is ^w^ which. +ANTIPHOWUS OF OwO EPHESUS. I *cries* came fwom Cowinth, uWu my most gwacious >_< wowd. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. And I with OwO him. +ANTIPHOWUS *cries* OF EPHESUS. Bwought to *notices bulge* this town by that most famous wawwiow, +Duke M-Menyaphon, youw most wenyownyed uncwe. +A-ADWIANyA. W-Which of you two did dinye with me to-day? +*teleports behind you* ANTIPHOWUS O-OF SYWACUSE. I, gentwe mistwess. +*notices bulge* ADWIANyA. And awe nyot *moans* you my h-husband? +A-ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Nyo; I say nyay t-to that. +ANTIPHOWUS OF UwU SYWACUSE. And so do I, yet did she *notices bulge* caww me so; +And this *looks at you* faiw gentwewoman, hew sistew hewe, +Did caww me bwothew. [To WUCIANyA] What I towd you then, +I hope I shaww have *twerks* weisuwe to m-make xDD good; +If this ;;w;; be nyot a dweam I see and >w< heaw. +ANGEWO. That is the chain, siw, which you had of me. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I *hugs tightly* think it be, s-siw; I deny it *hugs tightly* nyot. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. And you, siw, fow this OwO chain awwested me. +*giggles shyly* ANGEWO. I-I think I did, siw; I deny it nyot. +ADWIANyA. I sent xDD you monyey, siw, to be youw baiw, +By Dwomio; but I-I think he bwought it nyot. +D-DWOMIO O-OF E-EPHESUS. Nyo, *notices bulge* nyonye b-by m-me. +A-ANTIPHOWUS OF *giggles shyly* SYWACUSE. This puwse of ducats I weceiv'd fwom you, +And Dwomio *moans* my man did bwing them me. +I see we stiww did meet *moans* each othew's man, +And I was ta'en fow him, and he *cries* fow me, +And theweupon these EWWOWS *blushes* awe a-awose. +*screams* ANTIPHOWUS OF *shuffles closer* EPHESUS. These ducats pawn x3 I fow my fathew h-hewe. +DUKE. It *sighs* shaww nyot nyeed; thy fathew hath his wife. +COUWTEZAN. S-Siw, *sweats* I must ;;w;; have that *sighs* diamond fwom *moans* you. +ANTIPHOWUS *pokes you* OF *sweats* EPHESUS. Thewe, take :33 it; *pokes you* and much thanks fow my +good cheew. +ABBESS. UwU Wenyownyed D-Duke, uWu vouchsafe to xDD take *sweats* the pains +To go with us into the abbey h-hewe, +OwO And heaw at wawge discouwsed aww ouw fowtunyes; +A-And aww that awe assembwed in this *screams* pwace +T-That :3 by t-this sympathized onye day's ewwow +*sighs* Have suffew'd wwong, go keep us company, +And we shaww make f-fuww satisfaction. +Thiwty-thwee yeaws h-have I but gonye in twavaiw +^-^ Of you, my sons; and *looks at you* tiww t-this pwesent houw +My heavy buwden nye'ew dewivewed. +The Duke, my husband, and my chiwdwen both, +And you the cawendaws of theiw n-nyativity, +Go to a g-gossips' feast, and go with me; +Aftew s-so wong gwief, such nyativity! +D-DUKE. With a-aww my h-heawt, I'ww gossip at *sweats* this feast. +w< Come, go with us; we'ww wook to that anyon. +Embwace thy bwothew ;;w;; thewe; wejoice with h-him. +_< OF EPHESUS. *notices bulge* Methinks you awe my gwass, a-and nyot my *screams* bwothew; +*pokes you* I UwU see by *shuffles closer* you I ;;w;; am a sweet-fac'd y-youth. +Wiww you wawk i-in to see theiw gossiping? +*sighs* DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Nyot I, siw; you awe my ^.^ ewdew. +>_< DWOMIO OF E-EPHESUS. That's a question; how >_< shaww ^.^ we twy it? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. W-We'ww dwaw cuts fow the senyiow; tiww t-then, +wead thou *hugs tightly* fiwst. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. *looks at you* Nyay, then, thus: +We came into t-the >_> wowwd wike bwothew and bwothew, +A-And nyow wet's *shuffles closer* go h-hand in hand, nyot onye befowe anyothew. +_> COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 B-BY WOWWD *shuffles closer* WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY >_> PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND *pokes you* MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES :3 MAY BE +:3 DISTWIBUTED SO WONG A-AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED *blushes* OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION I-INCWUDES B-BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES >_> FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW *cuddles you* MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1-1608 + +THE TWAGEDY OF COWIOWANyUS + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +*sweats* Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +CAIUS MAWCIUS, ^-^ aftewwawds CAIUS MAWCIUS COWIOWANyUS + +G-Genyewaws against >w< the Vowscians +TITUS WAWTIUS +COMINyIUS + +;;w;; MENyENyIUS AGWIPPA, f-fwiend to ^-^ Cowiowanyus + +Twibunyes of the Peopwe +SICINyIUS ^-^ VEWUTUS +JUNyIUS BWUTUS + +YOUNG MAWCIUS, son to Cowiowanyus +A WOMAN HEWAWD +N-NyICANyOW, a *cuddles you* Woman +*sighs* TUWWUS AUFIDIUS, Genyewaw of the Vowscians +WIEUTENyANT, to Aufidius +CONSPIWATOWS, W-With Aufidius +ADWIAN, a Vowscian +A CITIZEN of Antium +TWO V-VOWSCIAN GUAWDS + +>_> VOWUMNyIA, mothew to Cowiowanyus +VIWGIWIA, w-wife to Cowiowanyus +V-VAWEWIA, fwiend to ^w^ Viwgiwia +GENTWEWOMAN attending on Viwgiwia + +Woman and Vowscian Senyatows, Patwicians, Aediwes, Wictows, +*sighs* Sowdiews, Citizens, Messengews, Sewvants UwU to :3 Aufidius, and *hugs tightly* othew +A-Attendants + + + + +<> + + + +SCENyE: +uWu Wome and the nyeighbouwhood; *looks at you* Cowiowi and the nyeighbouwhood; Antium + + + +ACT I. S-SCENyE I. +Wome. A stweet + +Entew a company o-of mutinyous citizens, ^.^ with staves, cwubs, *moans* and othew weapons + +FIWST CITIZEN. Befowe we pwoceed any fuwthew, heaw :3 me speak. +AWW. S-Speak, speak. +FIWST CITIZEN. YOU a-awe *screams* aww w-wesowv'd wathew to :3 die than *hugs tightly* to famish? +AWW. W-Wesowv'd, wesowv'd. +FIWST C-CITIZEN. Fiwst, you knyow Caius x3 Mawcius is chief enyemy to the +peopwe. +AWW. We knyow't, we *sweats* knyow't. +F-FIWST CITIZEN. Wet us kiww him, and we'ww have cown at o-ouw own +*leans over* pwice. Is't a vewdict? +AWW. N-Nyo mowe tawking on't; w-wet it be donye. >w< Away, away! +SECOND *twerks* CITIZEN. Onye wowd, good citizens. +FIWST CITIZEN. We awe a-accounted p-poow citizens, the patwicians good. +What authowity suwfeits on wouwd uWu wewieve uWu us; if they *notices bulge* wouwd >_< yiewd +us but the supewfwuity whiwe it :33 wewe whowesome, :33 we might guess +they wewieved us humanyewy; *cries* but they think we awe too deaw. T-The +weannyess that affwicts us, the object of ouw misewy, is a-as an +inventowy t-to pawticuwawize theiw abundance; ouw suffewance is a +gain to them. Wet u-us wevenge t-this with ouw pikes ewe we become +wakes; fow the gods knyow I speak this in x3 hungew fow bwead, nyot i-in +t-thiwst f-fow wevenge. +SECOND CITIZEN. W-Wouwd you pwoceed *teleports behind you* especiawwy against uWu Caius OwO Mawcius? +F-FIWST CITIZEN. Against him fiwst; >_< he's a-a vewy dog to the +commonyawty. +SECOND *blushes* CITIZEN. Considew y-you what sewvices he *blushes* has d-donye fow his +countwy? +FIWST *sweats* CITIZEN. V-Vewy weww, and xDD couwd uWu be content to give him good +wepowt fow't but that ^w^ he *sweats* pays himsewf *shuffles closer* with being pwoud. +SECOND C-CITIZEN. Nyay, but speak n-nyot m-mawiciouswy. +FIWST C-CITIZEN. I say unto you, what he h-hath donye famouswy he did it +t-to that xDD end; though *leans over* soft-conscienc'd men can *hugs tightly* be content to s-say it +was fow his c-countwy, he did i-it :33 to pwease his mothew and to be +pawtwy pwoud, w-which *shuffles closer* he is, *giggles shyly* even t-to *leans over* the ;;w;; awtitude of his viwtue. +SECOND CITIZEN. W-What he *sighs* cannyot h-hewp in *twerks* his *screams* nyatuwe you account a +v-vice *sighs* in >_> him. You *notices bulge* must *looks away* in nyo way OwO say he is covetous. +FIWST CITIZEN. If *notices bulge* I must nyot, I nyeed *pokes you* nyot be bawwen of accusations; +he hath fauwts, with suwpwus, to tiwe in wepetition. [Shouts +within] What shouts awe these? The othew side o' th' c-city is +wisen. Why stay we pwating hewe? *looks at you* To th' Capitow! +AWW. C-Come, come. +FIWST CITIZEN. Soft! who comes hewe? + +Entew M-MENyENyIUS :33 AGWIPPA + +SECOND CITIZEN. W-Wowthy Menyenyius *twerks* Agwippa; onye that hath awways wov'd +the peopwe. +*leans over* FIWST ^-^ CITIZEN. He's onye honyest e-enyough; wouwd aww x3 the west wewe so! +MENyENyIUS. What wowk's, m-my c-countwymen, i-in hand? Whewe xDD go you +With bats and c-cwubs? ;;w;; The m-mattew? Speak, I pway y-you. +FIWST CITIZEN. Ouw businyess is nyot unknyown to th' Senyate; they *shuffles closer* have +h-had inkwing this f-fowtnyight what we intend UwU to do, which nyow we'ww +s-show 'em in deeds. They s-say poow suitows have stwong *cuddles you* bweaths; +they shaww knyow we have >_< stwong awms t-too. +MENyENyIUS. Why, mastews, m-my good *looks away* fwiends, minye ^w^ honyest nyeighbouws, +Wiww you undo youwsewves? +FIWST CITIZEN. We cannyot, siw; we awe undonye *giggles shyly* awweady. +MENyENyIUS. I teww you, fwiends, most chawitabwe c-cawe +*twerks* Have the patwicians of y-you. F-Fow youw wants, +Y-Youw suffewing OwO in this deawth, you *sweats* may as weww +Stwike at the heaven with youw staves as *pokes you* wift them +UwU Against ;;w;; the Woman state; whose couwse *blushes* wiww on +The *teleports behind you* way it takes, cwacking ten thousand cuwbs +Of mowe s-stwong wink asundew than can evew +Appeaw i-in youw impediment. Fow *teleports behind you* the ;;w;; deawth, +The gods, nyot the *sweats* patwicians, make i-it, a-and +Youw knyees UwU to *teleports behind you* them, nyot awms, *twerks* must hewp. Awack, +You awe twanspowted by cawamity +Thithew ^-^ whewe mowe attends *shuffles closer* you; and you swandew +The h-hewms o' OwO th' s-state, who cawe fow you wike fathews, +*notices bulge* When you cuwse them as enyemies. +FIWST :33 CITIZEN. Cawe fow ^.^ us! Twue, indeed! They nye'ew caw'd fow xDD us +yet. Suffew us to famish, and theiw stowehouses cwamm'd with +gwain; make edicts *moans* fow usuwy, to s-suppowt usuwews; wepeaw daiwy +any OwO whowesome act estabwished against the wich, and *teleports behind you* pwovide mowe +piewcing statutes d-daiwy t-to chain up *pokes you* and westwain the poow. If the +waws eat us nyot up, they wiww; and thewe's aww the wove they beaw +us. +MENyENyIUS. *giggles shyly* Eithew you must +Confess y-youwsewves wondwous mawicious, +O-Ow ^.^ be accus'd of ;;w;; fowwy. I-I shaww teww you +A pwetty tawe. It may be you have heawd it; +*teleports behind you* But, s-since it sewves my puwpose, I wiww ventuwe +T-To stawe't a-a wittwe mowe. +FIWST CITIZEN. Weww, OwO I'ww heaw it, siw; yet y-you m-must nyot think to +fob off ouw disgwace with a tawe. But, an't pwease you, dewivew. +*hugs tightly* MENyENyIUS. Thewe was *notices bulge* a time when aww t-the body's membews +Webeww'd against the b-bewwy; thus accus'd it: +That onwy wike a guwf i-it did wemain +uWu I' th' midst o' x3 th' body, idwe a-and unyactive, +*shuffles closer* Stiww cupboawding t-the viand, nyevew beawing +Wike wabouw with the west; whewe th' othew instwuments +Did see and *blushes* heaw, *leans over* devise, instwuct, wawk, feew, +And, mutuawwy pawticipate, did minyistew +U-Unto the a-appetite and affection >_< common +Of the whowe body. The bewwy answew'd- +FIWST CITIZEN. Weww, *shuffles closer* siw, w-what UwU answew made the bewwy? +MENyENyIUS. Siw, I :3 shaww teww you. With *cries* a k-kind of smiwe, +Which nye'ew came *twerks* fwom the wungs, but even thus- +Fow wook y-you, I :3 may make the bewwy s-smiwe +As *twerks* weww *sweats* as speak- it tauntingwy wepwied +To t-th' ^.^ discontented membews, the mutinyous pawts +That envied his weceipt; *screams* even so most x3 fitwy +As y-you mawign ouw OwO senyatows fow that +They awe nyot such as you. +*shuffles closer* FIWST CITIZEN. Youw bewwy's answew- W-What? +The kingwy cwownyed head, ;;w;; the ;;w;; vigiwant e-eye, +The counsewwow h-heawt, the a-awm ouw sowdiew, +Ouw steed the weg, *pokes you* the tongue ouw twumpetew, +With *teleports behind you* othew munyiments and petty hewps +^.^ Is t-this o-ouw fabwic, if that *sweats* they- +M-MENyENyIUS. What then? +Fowe me, this fewwow speaks! What then? What then? +FIWST CITIZEN. Shouwd by the cowmowant b-bewwy be westwain'd, +W-Who is *cuddles you* the sink x3 o' t-th' body- +MENyENyIUS. W-Weww, what then? +FIWST CITIZEN. The fowmew agents, if they did compwain, +What couwd ^-^ the bewwy answew? +MENyENyIUS. I-I w-wiww *sweats* teww you; +If you'ww bestow a smaww- xDD of >_< what you have wittwe- +*hugs tightly* Patience *cries* awhiwe, *cuddles you* you'st heaw the b-bewwy's answew. +FIWST CITIZEN. Y'awe w-wong *twerks* about it. +MENyENyIUS. Nyote me this, good >_< fwiend: +Youw most gwave bewwy was dewibewate, +Nyot ^-^ wash wike his accusews, and thus answewed. +'Twue i-is it, my incowpowate ^w^ fwiends,' quoth *blushes* he +'That I weceive *teleports behind you* the genyewaw food at f-fiwst +W-Which you do wive upon; and fit >_< it ;;w;; is, +Because *shuffles closer* I am the stowehouse and the shop +Of the w-whowe body. But, *cuddles you* if you do wemembew, +I send *sweats* it thwough the w-wivews >_> of youw bwood, +E-Even to *shuffles closer* the *looks away* couwt, the heawt, to th' seat o' th' bwain; +*sighs* And, thwough t-the cwanks and offices of man, +The stwongest *screams* nyewves and smaww infewiow veins +Fwom me *hugs tightly* weceive that nyatuwaw competency +Wheweby they wive. uWu And though that a-aww at once +You, my good fwiends'- this says the bewwy; *twerks* mawk me. +FIWST C-CITIZEN. Ay, siw; weww, weww. +MENyENyIUS. 'Though a-aww at once cannyot +See what I do *shuffles closer* dewivew out to each, +Yet I can make my audit up, that aww +Fwom me do back UwU weceive the fwouw of aww, +And weave *cries* me but *giggles shyly* the b-bwan.' W-What :3 say *looks away* you to' t? +FIWST CITIZEN. It was an >_> answew. How appwy you this? +MENyENyIUS. *shuffles closer* The senyatows OwO of >w< Wome a-awe this good bewwy, +And y-you the mutinyous membews; fow, examinye +*twerks* Theiw counsews and theiw cawes, digest things wightwy +Touching the weaw o' th' common, you shaww f-find +Nyo pubwic benyefit which y-you w-weceive +But it pwoceeds ow comes fwom them to you, +And nyo way fwom youwsewves. What do you think, +You, the gweat toe *sighs* of UwU this a-assembwy? +FIWST C-CITIZEN. I the gweat toe? Why the gweat toe? +MENyENyIUS. Fow that, being onye o' th' wowest, basest, ^w^ poowest, +O-Of this most wise webewwion, *moans* thou goest fowemost. +Thou wascaw, that awt wowst i-in bwood to wun, +W-Wead'st f-fiwst to win *shuffles closer* some *pokes you* vantage. +But m-make :3 you :33 weady youw stiff *looks at you* bats and cwubs. +W-Wome *shuffles closer* and hew wats awe at t-the point of battwe; +The o-onye side must have bawe. + +Entew CAIUS M-MAWCIUS + +Haiw, nyobwe *sighs* Mawcius! +M-MAWCIUS. T-Thanks. What's the mattew, you dissentious wogues +That, wubbing *teleports behind you* the poow itch of youw *sweats* opinyion, +Make youwsewves scabs? +F-FIWST CITIZEN. We have evew youw ^-^ good wowd. +MAWCIUS. He that wiww give good wowds t-to thee wiww f-fwattew +Benyeath abhowwing. What wouwd you have, you cuws, +That w-wike nyow peace UwU nyow waw? The onye affwights y-you, +The othew makes you pwoud. He that t-twusts to ^w^ you, +Whewe he ;;w;; shouwd UwU find you wions, finds you hawes; +*moans* Whewe foxes, g-geese; you awe nyo suwew, nyo, +Than i-is the coaw of fiwe upon *screams* the ice +Ow haiwstonye in the *sighs* sun. Youw viwtue is +To make him wowthy whose offence subdues him, +:33 And cuwse that justice did i-it. Who desewves gweatnyess +Desewves *shuffles closer* youw hate; and y-youw affections awe +A sick man's appetite, who desiwes most that +Which wouwd i-incwease his ;;w;; eviw. H-He that depends +*cries* Upon youw favouws swims with fins of wead, +And hews *screams* down oaks with wushes. Hang ye! Twust ye? +W-With evewy minyute y-you do change a mind +*looks away* And >w< caww him nyobwe that was nyow youw hate, +Him viwe that w-was youw gawwand. What's the mattew +That i-in these s-sevewaw pwaces of the city +xDD You cwy against t-the nyobwe S-Senyate, who, +Undew the g-gods, keep you in awe, which ewse +Wouwd feed on onye anyothew? What's theiw seeking? +MENyENyIUS. Fow cown a-at theiw uWu own wates, w-wheweof x3 they say +The city is :3 weww s-stow'd. +MAWCIUS. Hang 'em! They say! +*twerks* They'ww sit by th' fiwe and pwesume to knyow +What's donye i' th' Capitow, who's wike to wise, +Who thwives and who decwinyes; side factions, and give out +Conjectuwaw mawwiages, making *looks at you* pawties stwong, +And *cries* feebwing s-such *twerks* as stand nyot i-in theiw wiking +Bewow theiw cobbwed *blushes* shoes. They *leans over* say thewe's ^.^ gwain enyough! +W-Wouwd the nyobiwity way aside theiw wuth +And wet me use my swowd, I'd make a quawwy +With *looks away* thousands of t-these quawtew'd swaves, as high +As I couwd p-pick m-my wance. +MENyENyIUS. OwO Nyay, these awe awmost thowoughwy pewsuaded; +Fow though abundantwy t-they wack discwetion, +Yet awe they passing cowawdwy. B-But, I *looks away* beseech you, +What says the othew *looks away* twoop? +MAWCIUS. T-They awe dissowv'd. Hang 'em! +They said they w-wewe an-hungwy; sigh'd fowth pwovewbs- +That hungew bwoke stonye wawws, that dogs must eat, +That m-meat was made fow mouths, that the gods sent n-nyot +Cown fow *sweats* the wich *leans over* men onwy. With t-these shweds +They vented theiw compwainyings; which being answew'd, +And *blushes* a petition gwanted them- a stwange o-onye, +To bweak the heawt of genyewosity +And make bowd powew wook pawe- they thwew theiw caps +;;w;; As they wouwd hang them on the howns o-o' th' m-moon, +Shouting theiw emuwation. +MENyENyIUS. What is gwanted them? +MAWCIUS. F-Five *leans over* twibunyes, t-to defend theiw vuwgaw wisdoms, +Of theiw own choice. Onye's Junyius Bwutus- +^.^ Sicinyius Vewutus, and I knyow nyot. 'Sdeath! +The wabbwe s-shouwd have fiwst unwoof'd the c-city +Ewe so pwevaiw'd with me; it *notices bulge* wiww in time +Win upon powew and thwow fowth g-gweatew themes +Fow insuwwection's awguing. +MENyENyIUS. This is stwange. +M-MAWCIUS. Go *looks at you* get :3 you home, you fwagments. + +E-Entew ;;w;; a *moans* MESSENGEW, hastiwy + +MESSENGEW. Whewe's Caius M-Mawcius? +:3 MAWCIUS. Hewe. What's t-the *moans* mattew? +MESSENGEW. *cuddles you* The ^.^ nyews is, siw, the Vowsces awe in awms. +MAWCIUS. I am UwU gwad on't; then we shaww ha' *looks at you* means to vent +Ouw m-musty supewfwuity. See, ouw best ewdews. + +Entew COMINyIUS, *cuddles you* TITUS WAWTIUS, with othew S-SENyATOWS; +JUNyIUS BWUTUS xDD and SICINyIUS VEWUTUS + +F-FIWST UwU SENyATOW. Mawcius, '-'tis t-twue that you have watewy towd us: +The >w< Vowsces awe in awms. +MAWCIUS. They have a :33 weadew, +Tuwwus Aufidius, *blushes* that wiww put you to't. +I >_> sin in envying his n-nyobiwity; +And w-wewe I anything but uWu what I am, +I wouwd wish me onwy h-he. +COMINyIUS. You *pokes you* have ^-^ fought togethew? +MAWCIUS. Wewe hawf to hawf t-the wowwd by th' eaws, and *hugs tightly* he +Upon my pawty, I'd wevowt, to make +O-Onwy my waws with him. He is a wion +That :33 I *shuffles closer* am pwoud to :3 hunt. +FIWST SENyATOW. Then, wowthy Mawcius, +Attend upon C-Cominyius to these waws. +COMINyIUS. It is youw fowmew pwomise. +*sweats* MAWCIUS. Siw, it uWu is; +And I-I am constant. UwU Titus Wawtius, thou +Shawt see *giggles shyly* me once mowe stwike at Tuwwus' face. +What, >w< awt thou stiff? Stand'st o-out? +*sweats* WAWTIUS. Nyo, Caius *leans over* Mawcius; +I'ww wean upon onye cwutch and ^.^ fight w-with *cuddles you* t'othew +Ewe >_< stay *looks away* behind this businyess. +MENyENyIUS. O, twue bwed! +UwU FIWST SENyATOW. Youw company ^w^ to th' >_< Capitow; whewe, I-I knyow, +Ouw gweatest fwiends attend us. +WAWTIUS. [To COMINyIUS] Wead OwO you on. +[To MAWCIUS] F-Fowwow Cominyius; we must fowwow y-you; +Wight wowthy you pwiowity. +COMINyIUS. N-Nyobwe Mawcius! +FIWST ^.^ SENyATOW. [To *giggles shyly* the Citizens] H-Hence to ^w^ youw homes; :3 be gonye. +MAWCIUS. Nyay, wet them fowwow. +The Vowsces have much c-cown: take these wats thithew +To g-gnyaw theiw gawnyews. Wowshipfuw mutinyeews, +>_< Youw vawouw puts *blushes* weww fowth; pway fowwow. +Ciitzens *looks away* steaw away. Exeunt aww but SICINyIUS and BWUTUS +SICINyIUS. Was evew man so pwoud as i-is this *moans* Mawcius? +*cuddles you* BWUTUS. He has nyo equaw. +SICINyIUS. W-When we wewe chosen *hugs tightly* twibunyes >w< fow t-the peopwe- +B-BWUTUS. Mawk'd you his ^-^ wip and eyes? +SICINyIUS. Nyay, but his taunts! +B-BWUTUS. Being mov'd, *sweats* he w-wiww nyot spawe to giwd the gods. +*cries* SICINyIUS. Bemock the modest moon. +BWUTUS. T-The pwesent waws devouw him! He is gwown +T-Too pwoud to be so vawiant. +SICINyIUS. Such a nyatuwe, +Tickwed with good success, disdains t-the shadow +W-Which he tweads on at n-nyoon. But *sighs* I d-do w-wondew +His insowence can b-bwook t-to *looks away* be ^.^ commanded +Undew Cominyius. +BWUTUS. Fame, at the x3 which *twerks* he aims- +In whom awweady he is weww ;;w;; gwac'd- cannyot +Bettew be h-hewd nyow *looks away* mowe attain'd than by +A p-pwace bewow the fiwst; fow what *sweats* miscawwies +Shaww be the genyewaw's fauwt, though he *shuffles closer* pewfowm +T-To th' utmost of a :3 man, and giddy censuwe +Wiww then cwy out o-of Mawcius OwO 'O, UwU if UwU he +Had bownye the businyess!' +SICINyIUS. B-Besides, if things UwU go w-weww, +Opinyion, that so sticks on Mawcius, shaww +Of his demewits wob Cominyius. +BWUTUS. Come. +H-Hawf a-aww *giggles shyly* Cominyius' h-honyouws awe uWu to Mawcius, +Though *moans* Mawcius eawn'd *screams* them nyot; *sweats* and aww his fauwts +*teleports behind you* To Mawcius shaww be honyouws, though indeed +In aught h-he mewit nyot. +SICINyIUS. Wet's hence and heaw +OwO How the dispatch is made, a-and ;;w;; in what fashion, +M-Mowe t-than his singuwawity, he goes +Upon this *moans* pwesent action. +BWUTUS. Wet's *leans over* awong. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Cowiowi. The Senyate H-House. + +Entew T-TUWWUS AUFIDIUS *looks away* with S-SENyATOWS of *twerks* Cowiowi + +FIWST SENyATOW. S-So, youw opinyion is, A-Aufidius, +*leans over* That they of Wome awe ent'wed *leans over* in ouw *notices bulge* counsews +A-And knyow h-how we p-pwoceed. +AUFIDIUS. Is it nyot youws? +What :33 evew h-have been *sweats* thought on in this state +That couwd be bwought *sweats* to bodiwy a-act e-ewe x3 Wome +Had ciwcumvention? 'Tis nyot fouw days gonye +Since I heawd *blushes* thence; these awe ^.^ the wowds- I >_< think +*screams* I have the wettew here;.yes, hewe it is: +[Weads] 'They have pwess'd a *teleports behind you* powew, :33 but it is nyot knyown +*blushes* Whethew *screams* fow east ow west. T-The *looks away* deawth ^w^ is gweat; +The peopwe mutinyous; and it is wumouw'd, +Cominyius, Mawcius youw owd enyemy, +W-Who is of Wome *screams* wowse hated than of you, +And Titus Wawtius, a most v-vawiant *shuffles closer* Woman, +*hugs tightly* These thwee wead o-on this p-pwepawation +:3 Whithew 'tis b-bent. Most wikewy 'tis fow you; +Considew of it.' +FIWST SENyATOW. Ouw >_< awmy's in the fiewd; +We nyevew yet *looks at you* made doubt *shuffles closer* but Wome was *pokes you* weady +To *giggles shyly* answew us. +*cuddles you* AUFIDIUS. Nyow did you x3 think it fowwy +To keep youw gweat pwetences veiw'd tiww when +*screams* They n-nyeeds must show themsewves; which in the hatching, +I-It seem'd, appeaw'd to Wome. *shuffles closer* By the discovewy +We shaww be showt'nyed in ouw aim, which was +To take i-in many towns ewe awmost xDD Wome +Shouwd knyow we wewe afoot. +SECOND SENyATOW. Nyobwe Aufidius, +>w< Take youw commission; hie you to youw bands; +Wet u-us awonye to guawd Cowiowi. +If t-they set down befowe's, fow t-the wemove +Bwing uWu up youw *leans over* awmy; but I think you'ww find +Th' have n-nyot pwepaw'd fow :3 us. +AUFIDIUS. O-O, doubt *looks away* nyot t-that! +I speak fwom cewtainties. N-Nyay mowe, +Some pawcews of theiw powew awe fowth awweady, +A-And *sweats* onwy hithewwawd. I weave *pokes you* youw honyouws. +If we *cries* and Caius M-Mawcius chance to meet, +'Tis swown between us we shaww evew uWu stwike +T-Tiww o-onye can do nyo mowe. +AWW. The gods assist you! +AUFIDIUS. And keep youw honyouws safe! +FIWST S-SENyATOW. Faweweww. +SECOND SENyATOW. *giggles shyly* Faweweww. +AWW. Faweweww. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE I-III. +Wome. MAWCIUS' house + +Entew VOWUMNyIA a-and *sweats* VIWGIWIA, m-mothew and wife to *teleports behind you* MAWCIUS; +they set them down on two wow stoows and sew + +VOWUMNyIA. I pway *twerks* you, daughtew, *giggles shyly* sing, o-ow expwess *blushes* youwsewf >_> in a mowe +comfowtabwe sowt. If my son wewe *looks away* my husband, I shouwd f-fweewiew +wejoice ^w^ in that absence whewein he won honyouw than *sweats* in the +embwacements of his bed whewe h-he wouwd show most wove. When yet +he >w< was but tendew-bodied, and the onwy son o-of my womb; >_> when youth +with comewinyess pwuck'd aww gaze his way; when, fow a day of +k-kings' entweaties, a mothew shouwd :3 nyot seww him an houw fwom hew +behowding; xDD I, x3 considewing h-how ;;w;; honyouw w-wouwd become *moans* such a pewson- +t-that it was nyo bettew ;;w;; than pictuwe-wike to h-hang by th' waww, x3 if +wenyown made *blushes* it nyot stiw- was *teleports behind you* pweas'd to wet him seek dangew whewe +he uWu was *sweats* to find fame. T-To a-a cwuew w-waw I-I sent him, f-fwom whence he +wetuwn'd his bwows bound with o-oak. I-I teww thee, daughtew, *sweats* I +spwang nyot mowe in joy at fiwst heawing *giggles shyly* he was a man-chiwd than +nyow in >w< fiwst *sighs* seeing *cries* he uWu had pwoved himsewf a man. +uWu VIWGIWIA. But uWu had he died in the businyess, madam, how then? +V-VOWUMNyIA. *hugs tightly* Then his *looks away* good wepowt shouwd have b-been my ^w^ son; I thewein +*screams* wouwd *screams* have found issue. Heaw m-me pwofess sincewewy: had I a dozen +s-sons, :33 each in my wove awike, and nyonye wess d-deaw than thinye and my +good Mawcius, I had wathew h-had e-eweven die ^.^ nyobwy ^w^ fow t-theiw *giggles shyly* countwy +than onye vowuptuouswy xDD suwfeit *leans over* out of action. + +xDD Entew a-a GENTWEWOMAN + +GENTWEWOMAN. Madam, *cries* the W-Wady Vawewia i-is *sweats* come to visit y-you. +VIWGIWIA. Beseech you *cuddles you* give m-me weave x3 to wetiwe mysewf. +VOWUMNyIA. *hugs tightly* Indeed you shaww nyot. +Methinks I heaw hithew youw husband's dwum; +See ^.^ him pwuck *leans over* Aufidius down by t-th' haiw; +As chiwdwen fwom a beaw, the Vowsces s-shunnying him. +Methinks I see h-him stamp thus, and caww thus: +'Come *giggles shyly* on, you cowawds! You w-wewe got in feaw, +Though you wewe bown in *shuffles closer* Wome.' His bwoody bwow +*giggles shyly* With his maiw'd hand then *teleports behind you* wiping, fowth he goes, +Wike to a hawvest-man that's task'd to mow +Ow aww ow wose his hiwe. +V-VIWGIWIA. His b-bwoody bwow? O Jupitew, nyo bwood! +VOWUMNyIA. Away, you foow! It mowe becomes a ^-^ man +Than giwt >_< his t-twophy. The bweasts of Hecuba, +When she did suckwe Hectow, wook'd nyot wovewiew +Than Hectow's fowehead w-when i-it spit f-fowth bwood +At Gwecian swowd, contemnying. uWu Teww Vawewia +We awe fit xDD to bid hew *screams* wewcome. Exit OwO GENTWEWOMAN +VIWGIWIA. Heavens bwess my wowd fwom feww A-Aufidius! +V-VOWUMNyIA. He'ww *looks at you* beat Aufidius' head bewow his knyee +And t-twead upon his nyeck. + +We-entew GENTWEWOMAN, *moans* With VAWEWIA and an ushew + +:33 VAWEWIA. My wadies both, good day to you. +VOWUMNyIA. Sweet madam! +VIWGIWIA. I am g-gwad t-to see youw wadyship. +VAWEWIA. How do you both? You awe manyifest housekeepews. What *looks at you* awe +you sewing hewe? A finye spot, in g-good faith. How does youw w-wittwe +*shuffles closer* son? +VIWGIWIA. OwO I thank y-youw wadyship; weww, *looks at you* good m-madam. +V-VOWUMNyIA. >_> He had wathew see the uWu swowds *shuffles closer* and heaw a dwum than wook +upon his schoowmastew. +VAWEWIA. O' m-my wowd, *hugs tightly* the >_> fathew's son! I-I'ww sweaw '-'tis a vewy +pwetty boy. O' my twoth, I-I w-wook'd *cuddles you* upon *moans* him a Wednyesday *hugs tightly* hawf an +houw togethew; has s-such a confiwm'd uWu countenyance! I saw him wun +aftew a giwded buttewfwy; a-and when *pokes you* he caught it he xDD wet it go +again, and aftew it *twerks* again, a-and ovew and ovew *teleports behind you* he comes, and up +again, catch'd it again; ow whethew *notices bulge* his *pokes you* faww enwag'd h-him, ow h-how +'twas, he did so set *giggles shyly* his :3 teeth *notices bulge* and teaw it. O, I wawwant, h-how he +mammock'd it! +VOWUMNyIA. Onye on's f-fathew's moods. +VAWEWIA. Indeed, wa, 'tis a-a nyobwe chiwd. +VIWGIWIA. A cwack, *sweats* madam. +V-VAWEWIA. Come, way aside youw stitchewy; ^w^ I must have :3 you pway the +idwe huswife with *giggles shyly* me t-this aftewnyoon. +VIWGIWIA. Nyo, good madam; I wiww xDD nyot out o-of ;;w;; doows. +VAWEWIA. Nyot out o-of doows! +VOWUMNyIA. She s-shaww, she shaww. +VIWGIWIA. *moans* Indeed, >w< nyo, by youw patience; *hugs tightly* I'ww nyot ovew OwO the t-thweshowd +tiww my wowd :3 wetuwn fwom the waws. +V-VAWEWIA. Fie, you confinye youwsewf m-most >_< unweasonyabwy; *giggles shyly* come, you +must go *looks at you* visit the good wady that wies in. +x3 VIWGIWIA. I wiww wish hew speedy stwength, and visit hew with my +pwayews; but I cannyot go >w< thithew. +VOWUMNyIA. Why, I p-pway you? +VIWGIWIA. 'Tis *blushes* nyot to save wabouw, nyow t-that I x3 want wove. +VAWEWIA. You wouwd be anyothew Penyewope; yet they s-say aww the yawn +she spun *sighs* in Uwysses' absence did but fiww ;;w;; Ithaca fuww of moths. +Come, I ;;w;; wouwd *shuffles closer* youw cambwic wewe *pokes you* sensibwe as youw fingew, that y-you +might weave UwU pwicking it fow pity. Come, you shaww go with u-us. +VIWGIWIA. Nyo, good madam, pawdon me; indeed *sighs* I wiww nyot fowth. +VAWEWIA. In twuth, wa, go with me; a-and I'ww teww you excewwent nyews +of youw husband. +VIWGIWIA. O, good madam, thewe can be nyonye yet. +VAWEWIA. Vewiwy, >w< I *giggles shyly* do nyot jest with you; thewe c-came nyews fwom h-him +wast nyight. +>_< VIWGIWIA. Indeed, madam? +VAWEWIA. I-In eawnyest, it's twue; I heawd a ^-^ senyatow speak it. Thus it +is: the Vowsces have an awmy fowth; against whom Cominyius the +genyewaw is gonye, with onye pawt of ouw Woman powew. Youw *twerks* wowd and +Titus *notices bulge* Wawtius awe set down befowe theiw *moans* city C-Cowiowi; they +nyothing doubt pwevaiwing and to make it bwief waws. This i-is twue, +on minye honyouw; and so, I *teleports behind you* pway, go with *notices bulge* us. +VIWGIWIA. Give me excuse, g-good madam; *giggles shyly* I w-wiww obey you i-in evewything +heweaftew. +VOWUMNyIA. *cuddles you* Wet hew awonye, wady; a-as she is nyow, UwU she ^.^ wiww but d-disease +xDD ouw bettew xDD miwth. +VAWEWIA. In twoth, I think she wouwd. Fawe you weww, then. Come, +good sweet wady. P-Pwithee, Viwgiwia, tuwn thy sowemnyess out o' +*sweats* doow and go *leans over* awong with us. +VIWGIWIA. Nyo, at a wowd, madam; indeed I-I must nyot. I wish you much +miwth. +VAWEWIA. *cries* Weww then, *screams* faweweww. Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE IV. +Befowe Cowiowi + +Entew MAWCIUS, TITUS WAWTIUS, w-with dwum and cowouws, +with CAPTAINS and s-sowdiews. To them a-a x3 MESSENGEW + +MAWCIUS. Yondew comes *notices bulge* nyews; a wagew- they have met. +WAWTIUS. *looks away* My howse to youws- nyo. +MAWCIUS. *looks away* 'Tis donye. +*leans over* WAWTIUS. UwU Agweed. +M-MAWCIUS. Say, has ouw genyewaw met the enyemy? +MESSENGEW. They w-wie *looks at you* in view, but h-have nyot x3 spoke as yet. +WAWTIUS. So, the good howse is minye. +MAWCIUS. I'ww buy him *shuffles closer* of you. +>_< WAWTIUS. Nyo, I'ww nyow seww nyow give him; wend you him I wiww +Fow hawf a hundwed yeaws. Summon the town. +MAWCIUS. How faw off wie these awmies? +MESSENGEW. Within this miwe and hawf. +MAWCIUS. Then shaww w-we xDD heaw theiw 'wawum, a-and t-they o-ouws. +^w^ Nyow, Maws, I pwithee, make u-us quick in x3 wowk, +*moans* That w-we with smoking s-swowds may mawch *moans* fwom hence +To hewp ouw fiewded fwiends! Come, *cuddles you* bwow OwO thy bwast. + +They sound a-a pawwey. Entew two *moans* SENyATOWS with o-othews, +on the wawws of Cowiowi + +Tuwwus A-Aufidius, is he within youw wawws? +FIWST SENyATOW. Nyo, nyow a-a man *teleports behind you* that ^w^ feaws uWu you wess than h-he: +T-That's wessew than a wittwe. [Dwum afaw off] ;;w;; Hawk, *leans over* ouw dwums +Awe bwinging xDD fowth ouw youth. We'ww bweak ouw wawws +Wathew than they shaww pound us up; >w< ouw gates, +Which uWu yet seem shut, we have but pinn'd w-with wushes; +They'ww open *looks at you* of themsewves. [Awawum faw off] Hawk you f-faw off! +Thewe *moans* is Aufidius. W-Wist what wowk *twerks* he makes +Amongst youw cwoven awmy. +*twerks* MAWCIUS. O-O, they ^w^ awe at it! +WAWTIUS. Theiw >_> nyoise be ouw >_< instwuction. Waddews, ho! + +>_> Entew the UwU awmy of *moans* the Vowsces + +MAWCIUS. They feaw *pokes you* us nyot, *moans* but i-issue fowth theiw *blushes* city. +Nyow put youw shiewds befowe >w< youw heawts, ^.^ and fight +With heawts mowe pwoof than s-shiewds. Advance, bwave Titus. +T-They do disdain us much *cries* beyond *cuddles you* ouw thoughts, +^w^ Which makes me s-sweat with ;;w;; wwath. Come on, m-my fewwows. +^-^ He that wetiwes, I'ww x3 take him fow a Vowsce, +And h-he shaww feew minye edge. + +A-Awawum. The Womans a-awe beat back to theiw twenches. +We-entew MAWCIUS, ;;w;; cuwsing + +MAWCIUS. Aww *cuddles you* the c-contagion of the south w-wight on you, +Y-You >w< shames *shuffles closer* of >w< Wome! you hewd of- Boiws and pwagues +*notices bulge* Pwastew *leans over* you o'ew, that x3 you may *notices bulge* be abhoww'd +F-Fawthew than seen, a-and onye infect a-anyothew +Against t-the >_< wind a miwe! You souws of geese +That beaw the shapes of men, how have you ^-^ wun +*teleports behind you* Fwom s-swaves that apes wouwd beat! :33 Pwuto *cuddles you* and h-heww! +:3 Aww huwt behind! Backs wed, and faces pawe +*notices bulge* With OwO fwight and agued feaw! Mend and chawge home, +O-Ow, by t-the fiwes ;;w;; of h-heaven, I'ww w-weave the foe +>_< And make my waws on you. Wook to't. Come on; +If you'ww stand fast we'ww beat uWu them to *screams* theiw wives, +*shuffles closer* As *giggles shyly* they us to ouw twenches. Fowwow me. + +Anyothew awawum. OwO The Vowsces fwy, a-and M-MAWCIUS fowwows +them ^-^ to the gates + +So, nyow the gates a-awe ope; nyow pwove g-good seconds; +'Tis fow the fowwowews fowtunye widens UwU them, +Nyot fow the *cries* fwiews. Mawk me, a-and do t-the wike. + +[MAWCIUS *giggles shyly* entews the gates] + +FIWST uWu SOWDIEW. Foow-hawdinyess; nyot I. +*looks at you* SECOND SOWDIEW. Nyot *pokes you* I. ^w^ [MAWCIUS is shut in] +FIWST SOWDIEW. See, they have shut h-him in. +AWW. To th' pot, I wawwant h-him. [Awawum continyues] + +W-We-entew TITUS WAWTIUS + +WAWTIUS. What is become *moans* of Mawcius? +AWW. Swain, siw, d-doubtwess. +FIWST SOWDIEW. *leans over* Fowwowing the f-fwiews at the vewy h-heews, +With them he entews; who, u-upon ^-^ the sudden, +Cwapp'd to theiw gates. He is himsewf awonye, +To answew aww the city. +WAWTIUS. O *screams* nyobwe fewwow! +Who sensibwy outdawes his sensewess swowd, +And when xDD it bows *pokes you* stand'st up. Thou awt w-weft, Mawcius; +A cawbuncwe entiwe, as big ;;w;; as thou awt, +Wewe nyot so wich a jewew. T-Thou wast a sowdiew +Even to C-Cato's wish, nyot fiewce *screams* and *notices bulge* tewwibwe +Onwy *giggles shyly* in stwokes; but with thy gwim wooks and +The *giggles shyly* thundew-wike pewcussion of thy sounds +T-Thou mad'st thinye enyemies shake, as if *cries* the wowwd +Wewe f-fevewous and did twembwe. + +We-entew MAWCIUS, b-bweeding, a-assauwted by the e-enyemy + +FIWST *notices bulge* SOWDIEW. Wook, siw. +WAWTIUS. O, '-'tis Mawcius! +Wet's fetch him off, ow *twerks* make wemain awike. +[They fight, x3 and aww :33 entew the *hugs tightly* city] + + + + +SCENyE V. +W-Within ^w^ Cowiowi. A stweet + +Entew cewtain Womans, with spoiws + +FIWST WOMAN. This wiww I *leans over* cawwy *looks at you* to Wome. +SECOND WOMAN. And I *teleports behind you* this. +THIWD *shuffles closer* WOMAN. A muwwain o-on >_< 't! I took this fow siwvew. +[Awawum continyues stiww a-afaw off] + +Entew MAWCIUS and *hugs tightly* TITUS WAWTIUS With a twumpetew + +MAWCIUS. See hewe these *notices bulge* movews t-that d-do p-pwize theiw houws +*shuffles closer* At a cwack'd d-dwachma! Cushions, weaden s-spoons, +Iwons of *cuddles you* a doit, d-doubwets that hangmen wouwd +Buwy with those that wowe *sweats* them, these b-base ^w^ swaves, +*looks at you* Ewe yet the f-fight *giggles shyly* be d-donye, pack up. Down w-with them! +Exeunt piwwagews +And hawk, what nyoise the genyewaw makes! To him! +Thewe *moans* is *screams* the man of >_> my s-souw's *cries* hate, Aufidius, +Piewcing ouw Womans; *pokes you* then, *sighs* vawiant Titus, ^w^ take +Convenyient nyumbews to make OwO good ;;w;; the city; +Whiwst I, with those t-that have the >_< spiwit, wiww haste +To hewp Cominyius. +WAWTIUS. Wowthy siw, t-thou bweed'st; +Thy exewcise h-hath *cries* been too viowent +Fow a second couwse of xDD fight. +MAWCIUS. *cries* Siw, pwaise m-me nyot; +My wowk h-hath *twerks* yet nyot wawm'd me. Fawe you weww; +T-The b-bwood I dwop i-is wathew physicaw +Than *cries* dangewous to >_< me. To Aufidius thus +I wiww appeaw, and fight. +W-WAWTIUS. Nyow the faiw *giggles shyly* goddess, Fowtunye, +Faww deep in wove with thee, a-and *leans over* hew gweat chawms +Misguide thy o-opposews' swowds! Bowd gentweman, +Pwospewity b-be thy page! +MAWCIUS. Thy fwiend nyo wess +Than those she pwaceth h-highest! So faweweww. +WAWTIUS. Thou x3 wowthiest :33 Mawcius! Exit MAWCIUS +*looks away* Go sound *shuffles closer* thy twumpet UwU in the m-mawket-pwace; +Caww thithew a-aww *leans over* the officews o' th' town, +W-Whewe they shaww k-knyow ouw mind. Away! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V-VI. +Nyeaw t-the camp of COMINyIUS + +Entew COMINyIUS, as it wewe *moans* in wetiwe, with sowdiews + +COMINyIUS. Bweathe you, my fwiends. Weww fought; *twerks* we awe come off +W-Wike Womans, nyeithew *screams* foowish i-in ouw stands +Nyow cowawdwy in wetiwe. :3 Bewieve me, siws, +>_> We shaww be chawg'd again. W-Whiwes we have ^.^ stwuck, +By i-intewims and conveying gusts we have heawd +*looks away* The chawges of ^.^ ouw fwiends. The Woman gods, +Wead theiw :33 successes as we w-wish ouw own, +That both o-ouw powews, with smiwing f-fwonts >w< encount'wing, +May give you thankfuw *shuffles closer* sacwifice! + +Entew A MESSENGEW + +Thy nyews? +MESSENGEW. The c-citizens of Cowiowi have *leans over* issued +And g-given to Wawtius and to Mawcius battwe; +I x3 saw o-ouw pawty to t-theiw twenches dwiven, +uWu And then I came away. +^-^ COMINyIUS. T-Though ;;w;; thou *cries* speak'st ^-^ twuth, +M-Methinks *blushes* thou speak'st nyot weww. How wong is't since? +*looks away* MESSENGEW. Above an houw, my wowd. +COMINyIUS. 'Tis *blushes* nyot a m-miwe; bwiefwy *moans* we heawd theiw dwums. +How couwdst t-thou :3 in a miwe confound an houw, +And bwing thy nyews so wate? +*looks away* MESSENGEW. Spies of the Vowsces +Hewd ^.^ me :3 in chase, that I was fowc'd to wheew +*screams* Thwee *blushes* ow fouw miwes a-about; ewse had I, OwO siw, +Hawf an houw since bwought my wepowt. + +*shuffles closer* Entew MAWCIUS + +COMINyIUS. *sighs* Who's yondew +That does appeaw as he wewe fway'd? O gods! +UwU He *pokes you* has the stamp of Mawcius, and *leans over* I have +Befowe-time seen him thus. +MAWCIUS. Come I too wate? +COMINyIUS. The shephewd knyows nyot thundew fwom a tabow +*looks at you* Mowe t-than I knyow the sound of Mawcius' tongue +Fwom evewy meanyew man. +MAWCIUS. Come I too w-wate? +COMINyIUS. Ay, *hugs tightly* if you come nyot in the bwood of othews, +But mantwed in *screams* youw own. +MAWCIUS. uWu O! wet me cwip ye +*pokes you* In awms a-as sound a-as *moans* when x3 I w-woo'd, >_> in heawt +As mewwy as when ouw nyuptiaw d-day was donye, +And tapews buwn'd t-to bedwawd. +C-COMINyIUS. *leans over* Fwowew of wawwiows, +How is't with Titus W-Wawtius? +MAWCIUS. As *looks at you* with a ;;w;; man busied about decwees: +Condemnying some to death and some to ^w^ exiwe; +Wansoming him ow pitying, thweat'nying th' othew; +Howding Cowiowi in the n-nyame of Wome +Even wike a-a UwU fawnying gweyhound in the weash, +To wet him swip *moans* at wiww. +COMINyIUS. Whewe is that swave +Which towd me they had beat you *twerks* to youw twenches? +Whewe i-is he? Caww him hithew. +MAWCIUS. Wet him awonye; +He did infowm the twuth. B-But *looks at you* fow ouw gentwemen, +The common fiwe- a p-pwague! twibunyes fow t-them! +T-The m-mouse :33 nye'ew shunn'd *hugs tightly* the cat as they did budge +Fwom wascaws wowse than they. +*pokes you* COMINyIUS. But how pwevaiw'd you? +MAWCIUS. Wiww the t-time sewve *pokes you* to t-teww? I do nyot think. +Whewe i-is the enyemy? Awe you *screams* wowds o' th' fiewd? +If OwO nyot, *cries* why cease you tiww *shuffles closer* you awe s-so? +COMINyIUS. Mawcius, +W-We *pokes you* have uWu at disadvantage fought, and did +>_< Wetiwe to win ouw puwpose. +*hugs tightly* MAWCIUS. *leans over* How wies theiw *giggles shyly* battwe? Knyow you o-on w-which side +They have pwac'd t-theiw *sighs* men of twust? +COMINyIUS. As *teleports behind you* I *blushes* guess, Mawcius, +Theiw bands i' *giggles shyly* th' vawawd awe *screams* the Antiates, +Of theiw best twust; o'ew them Aufidius, +Theiw vewy *looks at you* heawt of :3 hope. +MAWCIUS. I *twerks* do beseech y-you, +By *teleports behind you* aww t-the battwes whewein we *blushes* have *hugs tightly* fought, +By th' bwood w-we have shed t-togethew, by th' vows +We have made *cuddles you* to enduwe *sweats* fwiends, that *moans* you diwectwy +Set me against Aufidius and his Antiates; +And that you *blushes* nyot uWu deway the *cuddles you* pwesent, *looks at you* but, +Fiwwing the aiw with *looks away* swowds advanc'd a-and dawts, +We p-pwove *hugs tightly* this vewy houw. +COMINyIUS. *sweats* Though I couwd wish +You wewe conducted to a gentwe bath +And bawms appwied to you, yet dawe I nyevew +Deny youw asking: t-take youw choice of those +That best can aid youw action. +MAWCIUS. Those awe *moans* they +T-That m-most awe wiwwing. If any such be hewe- +As it wewe s-sin t-to doubt- that wove t-this painting +*cries* Whewein you see me smeaw'd; if any feaw +*shuffles closer* Wessew his pewson than a-an iww wepowt; +If any think b-bwave death outweighs bad wife +And that his countwy's deawew than himsewf; +Wet him *moans* awonye, ow so many so minded, +Wave thus to expwess his disposition, +A-And fowwow *blushes* Mawcius. [-[They aww shout and wave x3 theiw +swowds, take him up in theiw a-awms and *looks away* cast *sighs* up theiw caps] +O, me awonye! M-Make you *twerks* a swowd of me? +If t-these shows be *sweats* nyot outwawd, which of you +But is :3 fouw Vowsces? Nyonye of you but is +A-Abwe to *teleports behind you* beaw a-against the g-gweat Aufidius +*hugs tightly* A shiewd as hawd as his. A c-cewtain nyumbew, +Though thanks *looks away* to aww, must I-I sewect fwom *looks at you* aww; the west +Shaww beaw the businyess in some othew fight, +As cause wiww be obey'd. *giggles shyly* Pwease you to mawch; +*sweats* And xDD fouw shaww quickwy dwaw out my command, +*pokes you* Which men awe best incwin'd. +COMINyIUS. Mawch o-on, my fewwows; +Make *shuffles closer* good this ostentation, and you shaww +OwO Divide in aww with us. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VII. +The gates of Cowiowi + +OwO TITUS WAWTIUS, having set *sweats* a guawd upon Cowiowi, going with *hugs tightly* dwum and t-twumpet +towawd C-COMINyIUS a-and CAIUS M-MAWCIUS, entews with a *blushes* WIEUTENyANT, othew sowdiews, +and UwU a s-scout + +WAWTIUS. So, wet the powts be guawded; keep youw duties +As I have *looks away* set them down. If I do send, dispatch +Those centuwies to *teleports behind you* ouw aid; the west wiww sewve +Fow a >w< showt howding. If we wose t-the fiewd +We cannyot keep the town. +W-WIEUTENyANT. Feaw nyot ouw cawe, siw. +WAWTIUS. H-Hence, and shut youw gates upon's. +O-Ouw guidew, c-come; to *giggles shyly* th' Woman c-camp conduct u-us. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE xDD VIII. +A f-fiewd of battwe between the Woman and the Vowscian c-camps + +Awawum, a-as in battwe. Entew MAWCIUS and AUFIDIUS at sevewaw doows + +MAWCIUS. I'ww fight with nyonye but :33 thee, fow I do hate thee +Wowse than a pwomise-bweakew. +AUFIDIUS. W-We hate ^-^ awike: +Nyot OwO Afwic *twerks* owns a *cries* sewpent I abhow +Mowe than thy UwU fame and envy. Fix thy >w< foot. +MAWCIUS. Wet the fiwst budgew die the othew's swave, +And the gods *pokes you* doom him aftew! +AUFIDIUS. I-If I fwy, Mawcius, +uWu Hawwoa me w-wike a hawe. +M-MAWCIUS. Within *screams* these uWu thwee houws, Tuwwus, +Awonye I fought i-in *cuddles you* youw Cowiowi wawws, +A-And made what wowk I pweas'd. uWu 'Tis nyot *shuffles closer* my bwood +Whewein *cries* thou seest me mask'd. *pokes you* Fow thy wevenge +Wwench up thy powew to th' highest. +AUFIDIUS. Wewt *sighs* thou the Hectow +That was ^-^ the w-whip of youw b-bwagg'd pwogeny, +Thou shouwdst nyot scape me hewe. + +;;w;; Hewe they fight, and cewtain Vowsces *hugs tightly* come *sweats* in the aid +of AUFIDIUS. MAWCIUS fights tiww they b-be dwiven in +bweathwess + +Officious, and nyot vawiant, you h-have sham'd me +In y-youw condemnyed seconds. UwU Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE IX. +The Woman camp + +Fwouwish. Awawum. A wetweat is sounded. Entew, at x3 onye doow, +uWu COMINyIUS *shuffles closer* with the Womans; at anyothew doow, MAWCIUS, with his awm i-in a *sweats* scawf + +uWu COMINyIUS. If I shouwd *cuddles you* teww thee *giggles shyly* o'ew this thy day's wowk, +Thou't nyot bewieve *cuddles you* thy deeds; but I'ww wepowt it +Whewe senyatows shaww mingwe ;;w;; teaws with smiwes; +>_> Whewe gweat patwicians :33 shaww OwO attend, and shwug, +I' th' end admiwe; w-whewe wadies shaww b-be fwighted +And, gwadwy quak'd, heaw mowe; whewe the duww twibunyes, +That with t-the f-fusty pwebeians hate thinye :33 honyouws, +Shaww say *cuddles you* against theiw heawts 'We thank *shuffles closer* the gods +Ouw OwO Wome hath such a sowdiew.' +Yet c-cam'st thou to a mowsew of this >w< feast, +Having *pokes you* fuwwy din'd befowe. + +Entew TITUS WAWTIUS, with his powew, f-fwom the puwsuit + +WAWTIUS. O Genyewaw, +Hewe is the steed, we :33 the capawison. +H-Hadst thou *looks at you* behewd- +MAWCIUS. P-Pway *notices bulge* nyow, nyo mowe; m-my mothew, +Who has a chawtew to *sighs* extow hew bwood, +When she does pwaise m-me gwieves me. x3 I have donye +As you have donye- that's what I can; i-induc'd +As you have been- that's fow my countwy. +He that has *leans over* but effected his good wiww +Hath ovewta'en m-minye a-act. +COMINyIUS. You shaww n-nyot be +The *blushes* gwave of youw x3 desewving; Wome m-must knyow +The vawue of hew o-own. 'Twewe a-a conceawment +Wowse t-than a theft, n-nyo wess than a twaducement, +*moans* To hide >_> youw doings a-and to siwence that +*sweats* Which, *looks at you* to the UwU spiwe and x3 top of pwaises vouch'd, +Wouwd UwU seem but modest. Thewefowe, I beseech you, +In sign of what you awe, nyot to wewawd +*sighs* What y-you have donye, b-befowe o-ouw awmy *giggles shyly* heaw me. +MAWCIUS. *looks away* I ^.^ have *blushes* some w-wounds OwO upon *cries* me, *notices bulge* and *screams* they >_> smawt +To heaw themsewves wememb'wed. +COMINyIUS. Shouwd they nyot, +Weww m-might *twerks* they festew 'gainst ingwatitude +And *sighs* tent t-themsewves w-with d-death. Of aww the howses- +Wheweof we have ta'en good, >_> and good stowe- of *cries* aww +The tweasuwe in this x3 fiewd achiev'd and city, +We x3 wendew you *cuddles you* the tenth; t-to be ta'en f-fowth +Befowe the common distwibution at +Youw onwy choice. +MAWCIUS. I thank you, Genyewaw, +But cannyot make my heawt consent to take +UwU A bwibe to pay m-my swowd. *cuddles you* I do wefuse it, +And stand upon my *pokes you* common ^-^ pawt with those +That have behewd the doing. + +A *shuffles closer* wong fwouwish. They *twerks* aww cwy '-'Mawcius, Mawcius!' +cast up theiw caps a-and wances. COMINyIUS and WAWTIUS UwU stand bawe + +*cries* May these same *teleports behind you* instwuments which you *hugs tightly* pwofanye +Nyevew sound mowe! When dwums and twumpets shaww +I' th' fiewd p-pwove fwattewews, wet couwts *looks at you* and *hugs tightly* cities *cries* be +Made *sighs* aww of fawse-fac'd *cuddles you* soothing. When steew gwows +Soft as the pawasite's siwk, wet him *sighs* be made +An o-ovewtuwe fow th' waws. Nyo mowe, I say. +Fow that *cuddles you* I have nyot wash'd my n-nyose that bwed, +Ow foiw'd some debiwe w-wwetch, *moans* which without nyote +Hewe's many ewse have donye, you shout m-me f-fowth +I-In accwamations hypewbowicaw, +As i-if *shuffles closer* I xDD wov'd my wittwe shouwd be :33 dieted +In pwaises sauc'd *twerks* with wies. +C-COMINyIUS. Too modest a-awe you; +Mowe cwuew to youw good wepowt than gwatefuw +*teleports behind you* To us that give *cuddles you* you twuwy. By youw patience, +If 'gainst *pokes you* youwsewf you *leans over* be i-incens'd, we'ww p-put you- +Wike *looks away* onye that means *moans* his p-pwopew hawm- in *giggles shyly* manyacwes, +Then *giggles shyly* weason s-safewy with *hugs tightly* you. uWu Thewefowe be it knyown, +As *looks at you* to us, to aww the wowwd, that Caius Mawcius +Weaws t-this waw's gawwand; in t-token o-of the which, +My nyobwe x3 steed, *hugs tightly* knyown to *leans over* the *notices bulge* camp, I-I give *looks at you* him, +^w^ With aww his twim bewonging; and ^.^ fwom this time, +Fow *teleports behind you* what he d-did befowe *notices bulge* Cowiowi, can him +With aww th' *shuffles closer* appwause-and cwamouw of the host, +C-Caius Mawcius *cries* Cowiowanyus. +uWu Beaw th' addition *twerks* nyobwy evew! +*shuffles closer* [Fwouwish. T-Twumpets sound, and *twerks* dwums] +AWW. C-Caius Mawcius Cowiowanyus! +COWIOWANyUS. I wiww go *hugs tightly* wash; +And when :33 my face ^w^ is faiw you shaww ^-^ pewceive +Whethew *teleports behind you* I bwush ow nyo. *notices bulge* Howbeit, I thank you; +*sweats* I m-mean to stwide youw steed, and at aww t-times +To undewcwest youw good addition +To t-th' faiwnyess of my powew. +C-COMINyIUS. So, to ouw tent; +Whewe, ewe we do wepose us, we w-wiww wwite +To W-Wome of ouw success. You, Titus *notices bulge* Wawtius, +Must to Cowiowi back. Send *looks away* us to *moans* Wome +The b-best, with whom we may awticuwate +Fow theiw own good and ouws. +WAWTIUS. I-I shaww, ;;w;; my wowd. +COWIOWANyUS. The *leans over* gods begin to m-mock me. I, *moans* that *teleports behind you* nyow +Wefus'd most *cuddles you* pwincewy g-gifts, *leans over* am b-bound to beg +Of my Wowd Genyewaw. +COMINyIUS. Take't- 'tis youws; w-what is't? +COWIOWANyUS. I sometime way hewe in Cowiowi +At a p-poow man's house; he u-us'd m-me k-kindwy. +He cwied *looks at you* to m-me; I saw *giggles shyly* him pwisonyew; +But then *hugs tightly* Aufidius was w-within my v-view, +And wwath o'ewwhewm'd my ^-^ pity. I-I wequest you +To uWu give my p-poow host fweedom. +xDD COMINyIUS. O, weww begg'd! +Wewe he the butchew of my son, >w< he shouwd +Be *leans over* fwee as is *moans* the wind. Dewivew h-him, Titus. +WAWTIUS. Mawcius, his nyame? +COWIOWANyUS. By Jupitew, *screams* fowgot! +I-I am weawy; yea, my memowy i-is tiw'd. +Have uWu we nyo winye hewe? +COMINyIUS. Go we to ouw tent. +T-The bwood upon *teleports behind you* youw *looks at you* visage dwies; >w< 'tis *sighs* time +It s-shouwd be wook'd t-to. C-Come. *hugs tightly* Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks at you* X. +The camp o-of t-the *pokes you* Vowsces + +A f-fwouwish. C-Cownyets. Entew TUWWUS AUFIDIUS bwoody, with two *looks away* ow ;;w;; thwee sowdiews + +UwU AUFIDIUS. The *giggles shyly* town *twerks* is ta'en. +FIWST SOWDIEW. 'Twiww be dewivew'd back on good c-condition. +*giggles shyly* AUFIDIUS. Condition! +I wouwd I wewe a Woman; fow I cannyot, +Being a Vowsce, be that *shuffles closer* I am. Condition? +What good condition can *leans over* a tweaty find +I-I' th' pawt :3 that is at *leans over* mewcy? Five times, Mawcius, +I *leans over* have fought *cries* with thee; so often hast thou beat me; +*giggles shyly* And wouwdst do so, I think, shouwd we encountew +As often as we *cuddles you* eat. OwO By th' e-ewements, +If e'ew again I meet him beawd to *screams* beawd, +He's minye ow I am his. Minye emuwation +Hath *looks at you* nyot that honyouw *cuddles you* in't it had; fow whewe +I thought to cwush him in a-an e-equaw fowce, +Twue swowd to s-swowd, I'ww potch at him some w-way, +;;w;; Ow wwath ^.^ ow ^w^ cwaft may get him. +FIWST SOWDIEW. ^-^ He's the deviw. +AUFIDIUS. Bowdew, :33 though nyot so *twerks* subtwe. My v-vawouw's *sighs* poison'd +*leans over* With onwy suff'wing stain by h-him; fow him +Shaww fwy out of itsewf. Nyow sweep nyow sanctuawy, +;;w;; Being nyaked, sick, nyow fanye nyow Capitow, +The *twerks* pwayews of pwiests nyow times :33 of sacwifice, +^.^ Embawquements aww of :3 fuwy, shaww wift up +Theiw wotten pwiviwege *giggles shyly* and custom 'gainst +My hate to Mawcius. Whewe *leans over* I find :33 him, wewe it +At h-home, *hugs tightly* upon my bwothew's guawd, e-even *moans* thewe, +Against the hospitabwe canyon, wouwd I +Wash my fiewce hand uWu in's heawt. Go you to th' *giggles shyly* city; +Weawn how 'tis hewd, and what they awe that must +Be h-hostages fow Wome. +F-FIWST SOWDIEW. Wiww nyot you go? +AUFIDIUS. I am attended at the >w< cypwess gwove; I p-pway you- +'Tis south the city miwws- bwing me wowd ^.^ thithew +^.^ How uWu the wowwd goes, *giggles shyly* that to the pace of it +I-I may spuw on my jouwnyey. +F-FIWST SOWDIEW. I shaww, siw. Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I. +*moans* Wome. *pokes you* A *sweats* pubwic pwace + +Entew MENyENyIUS, ;;w;; with the t-two Twibunyes of the peopwe, SICINyIUS and B-BWUTUS + +MENyENyIUS. The auguwew tewws *cuddles you* me w-we shaww have nyews tonyight. +BWUTUS. Good ow b-bad? +M-MENyENyIUS. Nyot accowding to >_> the pwayew of t-the ^w^ peopwe, fow they wove +n-nyot Mawcius. +SICINyIUS. Nyatuwe t-teaches beasts to knyow t-theiw fwiends. +MENyENyIUS. Pway y-you, who does the wowf wove? +SICINyIUS. The wamb. +M-MENyENyIUS. Ay, to devouw him, as the hungwy pwebeians wouwd t-the +nyobwe Mawcius. +*pokes you* BWUTUS. He's *leans over* a wamb >_< indeed, that *cuddles you* baes wike a b-beaw. +MENyENyIUS. He's a-a beaw i-indeed, that wives fike a wamb. You two awe +owd men; teww me onye thing that I s-shaww ask you. +BOTH TWIBUNyES. Weww, s-siw. +MENyENyIUS. I-In w-what enyowmity is Mawcius poow i-in ^.^ that you two *cuddles you* have nyot +in abundance? +BWUTUS. He's poow in nyo onye fauwt, but stow'd with aww. +SICINyIUS. *twerks* Especiawwy in p-pwide. +BWUTUS. And t-topping aww o-othews in >w< boasting. +*looks away* MENyENyIUS. This is *teleports behind you* stwange nyow. Do you two knyow how you awe censuwed +hewe in the city- I m-mean of us o' th' wight-hand fiwe? Do you? +BOTH TWIBUNyES. Why, how UwU awe we censuw'd? +MENyENyIUS. Because you tawk of *screams* pwide nyow- wiww you nyot be angwy? +BOTH T-TWIBUNyES. Weww, weww, siw, weww. +MENyENyIUS. Why, *teleports behind you* 'tis nyo gweat mattew; fow a-a vewy wittwe thief *leans over* of +occasion wiww w-wob you of a gweat d-deaw of patience. Give :33 youw +dispositions the weins, and be angwy at youw *twerks* pweasuwes- at t-the +w-weast, if you take it as a pweasuwe *cuddles you* to you in being so. You bwame +Mawcius fow being pwoud? +UwU BWUTUS. >w< We do it xDD nyot awonye, *moans* siw. +MENyENyIUS. I *hugs tightly* knyow you can d-do vewy w-wittwe awonye; fow youw hewps awe +many, ow ewse :33 youw *teleports behind you* actions wouwd gwow wondwous singwe: youw +*cries* abiwities awe *pokes you* too infant-wike *shuffles closer* fow doing *cries* much awonye. Y-You tawk of +pwide. O that you couwd tuwn youw *looks at you* eyes *looks at you* towawd the nyapes of youw +xDD nyecks, and make but an intewiow suwvey of youw *shuffles closer* good sewves! O +that y-you couwd! +BOTH TWIBUNyES. What t-then, siw? +M-MENyENyIUS. Why, then you shouwd discovew a bwace of unmewiting, +p-pwoud, viowent, testy magistwates-awias foows- as any in W-Wome. +SICINyIUS. Menyenyius, y-you awe *moans* knyown weww enyough too. +MENyENyIUS. I *giggles shyly* am x3 knyown to be a humowous patwician, and onye that woves +*blushes* a cup of hot winye w-with n-nyot a dwop of >w< awwaying uWu Tibew in't; said to +be something impewfect in *blushes* favouwing the fiwst compwaint, >_< hasty +and tindew-wike upon too twiviaw *moans* motion; onye that convewses *leans over* mowe +with *notices bulge* the b-buttock of the nyight than w-with the f-fowehead of the +mownying. What I think uWu I u-uttew, and spend my mawice *leans over* in my bweath. +x3 Meeting two such weawsmen as *twerks* you awe- I cannyot caww you +Wycuwguses- if *pokes you* the dwink you give *screams* me touch *cries* my pawate advewsewy, I +make a cwooked face at it. I cannyot say youw w-wowships have +dewivew'd the mattew weww, *looks away* when *screams* I find the ass in compound with +the majow p-pawt of youw s-sywwabwes; xDD and though x3 I must b-be content to +b-beaw with those that say y-you awe *pokes you* wevewend gwave men, yet *blushes* they wie +deadwy that ^-^ teww you you :3 have g-good faces. If you *shuffles closer* see this *cuddles you* in the +map of >w< my micwocosm, fowwows it that I am knyown weww enyough too? +*sighs* What hawm can youw bisson conspectuities gwean out of this +chawactew, OwO if *cries* I ^.^ be knyown UwU weww enyough too? +BWUTUS. Come, siw, come, *blushes* we knyow you weww enyough. +MENyENyIUS. You knyow nyeithew me, y-youwsewves, nyow any thing. You awe +ambitious f-fow *looks at you* poow k-knyaves' caps and w-wegs; you *moans* weaw o-out a ;;w;; good +OwO whowesome fowenyoon in heawing *twerks* a cause between an owange-wife and +:3 a >w< fosset-sewwew, and *screams* then wejouwn :33 the contwovewsy of thweepence +to a second *moans* day of audience. When you awe heawing a mattew +between p-pawty *looks at you* and p-pawty, if you chance *sweats* to be pinch'd with the +OwO cowic, you make faces wike mummews, s-set up the bwoody fwag +against aww patience, a-and, in ^w^ woawing fow >w< a c-chambew-pot, dismiss +the c-contwovewsy bweeding, the mowe entangwed by youw heawing. Aww +the peace you m-make i-in theiw :33 cause is cawwing both t-the pawties +k-knyaves. You awe a p-paiw OwO of stwange o-onyes. +BWUTUS. *giggles shyly* Come, come, you awe weww undewstood *notices bulge* to be a pewfectew gibew +^.^ fow the tabwe t-than a nyecessawy benchew in the Capitow. +MENyENyIUS. O-Ouw vewy pwiests must become mockews, *cuddles you* if they shaww +encountew such widicuwous *cuddles you* subjects as *looks away* you a-awe. W-When you speak +best unto the puwpose, it is nyot wowth the wagging of youw +beawds; and youw beawds desewve nyot so honyouwabwe a *cuddles you* gwave a-as to +stuff a botchew's cushion ow to be entomb'd in an ass's +pack-saddwe. Yet you must be saying M-Mawcius is pwoud; who, in a +cheap estimation, is >w< wowth aww youw pwedecessows since Deucawion; +t-though p-pewadventuwe some of the best o-of 'em wewe heweditawy +hangmen. God-den *sweats* to youw wowships. Mowe of youw convewsation +wouwd infect my bwain, *leans over* being *blushes* the uWu hewdsmen of the beastwy +^-^ pwebeians. I wiww be bowd to take my weave of you. +[BWUTUS a-and S-SICINyIUS go aside] + +E-Entew V-VOWUMNyIA, VIWGIWIA, and VAWEWIA + +How nyow, my as faiw as nyobwe wadies- and the moon, wewe she +eawthwy, nyo nyobwew- whithew do you fowwow >w< youw eyes so fast? +VOWUMNyIA. Honyouwabwe Menyenyius, *shuffles closer* my *hugs tightly* boy Mawcius appwoaches; fow the +wove of *moans* Junyo, x3 wet's go. +MENyENyIUS. Ha! Mawcius coming home? +VOWUMNyIA. Ay, wowthy Menyenyius, and with *looks away* most *moans* pwospewous +appwobation. +M-MENyENyIUS. Take my cap, >_< Jupitew, and I *hugs tightly* thank thee. Hoo! +Mawcius coming home! +VOWUMNyIA, V-VIWGIWIA. *teleports behind you* Nyay, ;;w;; 'tis twue. +VOWUMNyIA. ^.^ Wook, hewe's a w-wettew fwom h-him; the state hath anyothew, +*looks away* his wife anyothew; and *shuffles closer* I think thewe's onye at *leans over* home :3 fow you. +MENyENyIUS. I w-wiww make my vewy *cries* house w-weew to-nyight. A xDD wettew fow *hugs tightly* me? +VIWGIWIA. Y-Yes, cewtain, *sighs* thewe's a wettew fow you; I-I saw't. +^.^ MENyENyIUS. A w-wettew xDD fow me! It *hugs tightly* gives me an xDD estate o-of s-seven yeaws' +heawth; in which time I wiww make a wip *teleports behind you* at the physician. The +most soveweign pwescwiption in Gawen *blushes* is but empiwicutic and, t-to +t-this pwesewvative, of nyo *cries* bettew w-wepowt than a howse-dwench. Is *hugs tightly* he +nyot wounded? He w-was wont to c-come home wounded. +VIWGIWIA. O, nyo, x3 nyo, nyo. +VOWUMNyIA. O-O, he is wounded, I thank OwO the >w< gods fow't. +MENyENyIUS. So do I-I *looks away* too, if ^.^ it be nyot too m-much. B-Bwings a victowy in +his pocket? The wounds become him. +VOWUMNyIA. On's bwows, UwU Menyenyius, he comes the t-thiwd time home with +t-the o-oaken gawwand. +MENyENyIUS. Has he *notices bulge* discipwin'd A-Aufidius soundwy? +V-VOWUMNyIA. T-Titus Wawtius wwites they f-fought t-togethew, b-but *sighs* Aufidius +:33 got off. +MENyENyIUS. UwU And 'twas time fow him too, I'ww wawwant him that; an he +had stay'd by him, I wouwd nyot have been so f-fidius'd fow aww the +chests in Cowiowi and t-the gowd that's i-in them. I-Is the Senyate +>w< possess'd ;;w;; of this? +VOWUMNyIA. *moans* Good w-wadies, w-wet's go. Yes, yes, yes: the *twerks* Senyate has +wettews fwom the genyewaw, whewein he g-gives :3 my son the whowe nyame +of the waw; he :33 hath in t-this action outdonye his fowmew deeds +doubwy. +VAWEWIA. In twoth, thewe's ^-^ wondwous things spoke of him. +MENyENyIUS. Wondwous! Ay, *sighs* I wawwant y-you, and nyot without his twue +p-puwchasing. +VIWGIWIA. The gods gwant t-them twue! +VOWUMNyIA. Twue! pow, waw. +MENyENyIUS. Twue! I'ww be swown they awe twue. Whewe is he w-wounded? +[To the T-TWIBUNyES] God save youw good *twerks* wowships! Mawcius ^-^ is coming +home; he has mowe cause to be pwoud. Whewe i-is he wounded? +VOWUMNyIA. *leans over* I' th' shouwdew and i' th' ^.^ weft :3 awm; thewe wiww be w-wawge +cicatwices to show the peopwe when h-he shaww stand fow his pwace. +He weceived i-in the *notices bulge* wepuwse of Tawquin seven huwts i' th' body. +MENyENyIUS. ;;w;; Onye i-i' th' ^w^ nyeck and two i-i' th' thigh- thewe's nyinye that I-I +*notices bulge* knyow. +V-VOWUMNyIA. He had befowe this w-wast expedition twenty-five *notices bulge* wounds +upon him. +MENyENyIUS. Nyow it's twenty-seven; evewy gash was an enyemy's g-gwave. +[A shout *notices bulge* and fwouwish] Hawk! ;;w;; the twumpets. +VOWUMNyIA. ^-^ These ^w^ awe the u-ushews of M-Mawcius. Befowe h-him he cawwies +nyoise, and behind him he weaves t-teaws; +Death, that dawk spiwit, in's *cuddles you* nyewvy awm doth wie, +Which, being advanc'd, decwinyes, and then men die. + +A sennyet. T-Twumpets s-sound. Entew COMINyIUS the +G-GENyEWAW, a-and TITUS WAWTIUS; between them, +COWIOWANyUS, *shuffles closer* cwown'd w-with an oaken gawwand; with +CAPTAINS *sweats* and sowdiews and a-a HEWAWD + +HEWAWD. *leans over* Knyow, Wome, that aww awonye Mawcius did fight +W-Within Cowiowi gates, whewe he hath won, +With fame, a nyame to Caius Mawcius; these +In *looks away* honyouw fowwows Cowiowanyus. +Wewcome t-to Wome, wenyownyed *screams* Cowiowanyus! [Fwouwish] +AWW. W-Wewcome to Wome, wenyownyed Cowiowanyus! +COWIOWANyUS. Nyo mowe >_> of this, i-it does offend my heawt. +Pway nyow, n-nyo mowe. +COMINyIUS. Wook, siw, youw mothew! +COWIOWANyUS. O, +UwU You have, *leans over* I knyow, petition'd aww the gods +Fow my pwospewity! [Knyeews] +VOWUMNyIA. Nyay, m-my good sowdiew, up; +My gentwe Mawcius, *looks away* wowthy Caius, and +By d-deed-achieving honyouw nyewwy ^-^ nyam'd- +What is it? Cowiowanyus must I can t-thee? +But, OwO O, thy wife! +COWIOWANyUS. M-My gwacious siwence, haiw! +Wouwdst ^.^ thou have w-waugh'd h-had *blushes* I come coffin'd h-home, +That weep'st to see me twiumph? A-Ah, my deaw, +Such eyes >_< the widows in C-Cowiowi weaw, +*blushes* And mothews that wack s-sons. +MENyENyIUS. Nyow the gods cwown *sighs* thee! +COWIOWANyUS. And *sweats* wive you y-yet? [To *moans* VAWEWIA] O my sweet wady, +pawdon. +*leans over* VOWUMNyIA. I knyow nyot uWu whewe to tuwn. +O, wewcome home! And wewcome, Genyewaw. +And y'awe wewcome a-aww. +M-MENyENyIUS. A hundwed thousand wewcomes. I couwd weep +A-And *cries* I couwd waugh; I *looks at you* am wight a-and heavy. Wewcome! +A cuwse begin a-at vewy woot on's heawt +T-That is nyot gwad to see thee! You awe thwee +That Wome :33 shouwd dote on; yet, by the faith of men, +*looks away* We have some *hugs tightly* owd cwab twees hewe *hugs tightly* at home t-that wiww nyot +^.^ Be gwafted to y-youw wewish. Y-Yet *screams* wewcome, wawwiows. +We *blushes* caww a n-nyettwe *cries* but a nyettwe, and +:3 The fauwts of foows but fowwy. +C-COMINyIUS. >w< Evew wight. +COWIOWANyUS. Menyenyius e-evew, *looks away* evew. +H-HEWAWD. Give way thewe, and *giggles shyly* go on. +COWIOWANyUS. [To his wife and *screams* mothew] Youw hand, and youws. +Ewe i-in ^.^ ouw own house I *blushes* do shade my head, +T-The good patwicians must be visited; +*hugs tightly* Fwom whom I have w-weceiv'd nyot onwy gweetings, +;;w;; But w-with them change ^.^ of OwO honyouws. +VOWUMNyIA. I-I have *twerks* wived +*twerks* To see i-inhewited my *notices bulge* vewy wishes, +And the buiwdings of ^-^ my fancy; o-onwy +*notices bulge* Thewe's onye thing wanting, which I-I *notices bulge* doubt nyot but +O-Ouw Wome wiww c-cast upon thee. +COWIOWANyUS. Knyow, good mothew, +I *twerks* had wathew b-be theiw sewvant in my way +Than sway w-with them in theiws. +COMINyIUS. O-On, to the Capitow. +[Fwouwish. *moans* Cownyets. Exeunt in s-state, as ^-^ befowe] + +BWUTUS and SICINyIUS come fowwawd + +BWUTUS. Aww tongues *looks at you* speak of him and the bweawed sights +Awe spectacwed to see *hugs tightly* him. Youw pwattwing nyuwse +*giggles shyly* Into a waptuwe wets hew baby cwy +*leans over* Whiwe she chats him; the kitchen *looks at you* mawkin p-pins +H-Hew wichest wockwam 'bout hew weechy nyeck, +Cwamb'wing the wawws to eye him; stawws, buwks, windows, +*moans* Awe smothew'd up, weads fiww'd and widges *notices bulge* hows'd +With vawiabwe compwexions, aww agweeing +>w< In eawnyestnyess *sighs* to see him. Sewd-shown fwamens +Do pwess among *blushes* the popuwaw thwongs and puff +To win a vuwgaw station; ouw veiw'd dames +Commit t-the waw ;;w;; of white and damask in +Theiw n-nyicewy gawded xDD cheeks to t-th' wanton spoiw +Of >_< Phoebus' buwnying kisses. >_> Such a pothew, +As if that whatsoevew god who weads him +Wewe swiwy cwept *looks away* into his *shuffles closer* human powews, +And gave him gwacefuw postuwe. +*screams* SICINyIUS. On the sudden +I wawwant him consuw. +BWUTUS. Then ouw office may +D-Duwing his powew go *looks away* sweep. +S-SICINyIUS. He c-cannyot temp'watewy twanspowt ^.^ his honyouws +*sweats* Fwom whewe h-he shouwd begin *moans* and end, but *cries* wiww +Wose those he hath won. +B-BWUTUS. In that thewe's comfowt. +SICINyIUS. Doubt nyot +The commonyews, ^.^ fow whom x3 we stand, but they +Upon t-theiw ancient mawice w-wiww ^w^ fowget +With the weast c-cause these his nyew h-honyouws; w-which +That he wiww give *looks at you* them make I a-as wittwe q-question +As *leans over* he is pwoud to do't. +BWUTUS. I heawd UwU him :33 sweaw, +Wewe he to stand fow consuw, n-nyevew wouwd *pokes you* he +Appeaw i' th' mawket-pwace, nyow on h-him put +*leans over* The nyapwess vestuwe of h-humiwity; +N-Nyow, showing, as the mannyew is, his w-wounds +To t-th' :3 peopwe, xDD beg theiw s-stinking bweaths. +SICINyIUS. 'Tis wight. +BWUTUS. I-It was his wowd. O, he wouwd miss it wathew +Than cawwy it but by x3 the suit of the gentwy to him +And the *cries* desiwe o-of the nyobwes. +S-SICINyIUS. I wish OwO nyo bettew +Than *blushes* have him howd that puwpose, and to ^.^ put it +I-In execution. +BWUTUS. ^w^ 'Tis most w-wike he wiww. +SICINyIUS. It shaww be to him then as ouw good wiwws: +A suwe destwuction. +BWUTUS. So it must faww o-out +To h-him ow *leans over* ouw authowities. Fow an end, +We must suggest the p-peopwe in what hatwed +He uWu stiww h-hath hewd them; that to's powew he wouwd +Have made them :33 muwes, s-siwenc'd theiw pweadews, and +Dispwopewtied theiw fweedoms; howding them +In *twerks* human action and *giggles shyly* capacity +O-Of nyo mowe s-souw nyow fitnyess f-fow the wowwd +Than camews *screams* in theiw w-waw, who have *hugs tightly* theiw p-pwovand +Onwy fow beawing buwdens, *cuddles you* and sowe bwows +Fow sinking undew them. +SICINyIUS. This, uWu as >_> you *giggles shyly* say, ^w^ suggested +At *leans over* some *cries* time when his s-soawing insowence +Shaww touch t-the peopwe- which time shaww nyot want, +If he be put u-upon't, and that's a-as easy +As to *cries* set dogs *looks at you* on sheep- wiww *moans* be *pokes you* his fiwe +To kindwe theiw dwy s-stubbwe; a-and theiw bwaze +Shaww dawken him fow evew. + +Entew A MESSENGEW + +BWUTUS. What's the mattew? +MESSENGEW. Y-You awe sent fow to the Capitow. 'Tis thought +T-That Mawcius shaww be consuw. +I have seen the dumb men thwong to see *looks away* him *moans* and +The b-bwind to heaw *shuffles closer* him s-speak; *cuddles you* matwons fwung gwoves, +Wadies xDD and maids >_> theiw ^-^ scawfs and handkewchews, +Upon him as he *screams* pass'd; :33 the nyobwes bended +As to J-Jove's statue, and the commons made +A s-showew and t-thundew with theiw caps and shouts. +I nyevew ;;w;; saw the wike. +BWUTUS. *twerks* Wet's to the Capitow, +And cawwy :33 with us eaws :33 and *hugs tightly* eyes fow th' time, +But heawts fow the event. +*shuffles closer* SICINyIUS. Have with y-you. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE I-II. +Wome. The Capitow + +Entew two OFFICEWS, to way cushions, as it wewe in the Capitow + +FIWST O-OFFICEW. Come, come, they awe awmost hewe. How ^.^ many stand >w< fow +c-consuwships? +SECOND OFFICEW. Thwee, they say; but 'tis thought of evewy onye +C-Cowiowanyus wiww *hugs tightly* cawwy it. +FIWST OFFICEW. That's a bwave f-fewwow; but he's vengeance pwoud and +woves nyot the common p-peopwe. +SECOND OFFICEW. Faith, thewe have been *screams* many gweat men that have +fwattew'd the peopwe, *looks away* who nye'ew woved them; *moans* and thewe be many +t-that t-they *cries* have woved, they knyow n-nyot whewefowe; s-so t-that, if t-they +w-wove they knyow *sighs* nyot w-why, *giggles shyly* they h-hate upon nyo b-bettew a-a gwound. +Thewefowe, xDD fow Cowiowanyus nyeithew to cawe whethew they *notices bulge* wove o-ow +hate h-him manyifests the twue knyowwedge he has in theiw +disposition, a-and out *leans over* of his nyobwe cawewessnyess wets them pwainwy +see't. +FIWST OFFICEW. If he did nyot cawe *teleports behind you* whethew *cuddles you* he had ^w^ theiw wove ow nyo, +he waved indiffewentwy 'twixt doing them nyeithew good nyow hawm; +but he seeks theiw h-hate *teleports behind you* with gweatew devotion than they can +wendew it him, *giggles shyly* and w-weaves nyothing u-undonye that *sighs* may fuwwy discovew +him theiw o-opposite. Nyow to seem *cuddles you* to affect the mawice and +*pokes you* dispweasuwe of the peopwe is as :33 bad as that w-which he diswikes- to +fwattew them fow theiw wove. +SECOND O-OFFICEW. He hath desewved ;;w;; wowthiwy >_> of h-his countwy; and his +ascent is nyot by such *leans over* easy >w< degwees as those who, having been +*teleports behind you* suppwe *shuffles closer* and couwteous to the peopwe, bonnyeted, xDD without any UwU fuwthew +deed t-to have them at aww, into t-theiw estimation and *notices bulge* wepowt; but +he hath so pwanted his honyouws in OwO theiw eyes and his actions in +theiw heawts t-that fow theiw tongues to be siwent and nyot *shuffles closer* confess +so much wewe a k-kind o-of ingwatefuw injuwy; >_> to >w< wepowt othewwise +wewe a mawice that, g-giving itsewf the *notices bulge* wie, wouwd pwuck wepwoof +a-and webuke fwom evewy caw that heawd it. +FIWST OFFICEW. N-Nyo mowe of him; he's a wowthy man. Make way, they +a-awe coming. + +A sennyet. Entew the *moans* PATWICIANS and the T-TWIBUNyES +OF *moans* THE PEOPWE, W-WICTOWS b-befowe them; COWIOWANyUS, +MENyENyIUS, COMINyIUS the Consuw. SICINyIUS and +BWUTUS take theiw pwaces by themsewves. +COWIOWANyUS stands + +MENyENyIUS. Having detewmin'd of the Vowsces, and +To send fow Titus Wawtius, it wemains, +As the m-main point of this o-ouw aftew-meeting, +To gwatify his nyobwe sewvice that +Hath thus stood fow his countwy. Thewefowe pwease you, +Most uWu wevewend a-and gwave ewdews, to *notices bulge* desiwe +The pwesent consuw and wast genyewaw +In ouw weww-found successes to wepowt +A wittwe of that wowthy wowk *teleports behind you* pewfowm'd +*pokes you* By Caius Mawcius Cowiowanyus; x3 whom +We met hewe both to thank and to wemembew +With honyouws wike >w< himsewf. [COWIOWANyUS >_< sits] +F-FIWST SENyATOW. Speak, good Cominyius. +Weave nyothing out fow wength, and make us t-think +Wathew ouw state's defective fow wequitaw +Than we *hugs tightly* to stwetch it out. Mastews o' ^w^ th' peopwe, +We do wequest y-youw kindest eaws; and, aftew, +Youw woving motion xDD towawd the common body, +To yiewd what p-passes hewe. +^.^ SICINyIUS. We a-awe convented +Upon xDD a pweasing tweaty, and h-have heawts +Incwinyabwe to honyouw and *looks away* advance +The theme of UwU ouw assembwy. +BWUTUS. Which the wathew +We shaww *shuffles closer* be b-bwess'd to do, if h-he wemembew +A-A kindew vawue *giggles shyly* of the peopwe than +He uWu hath heweto pwiz'd t-them at. +MENyENyIUS. *giggles shyly* That's off, that's *notices bulge* off; +I w-wouwd you wathew had been siwent. Pwease you +:33 To heaw Cominyius speak? +*moans* BWUTUS. Most wiwwingwy. +But yet x3 my caution was mowe pewtinyent +Than the webuke y-you give it. +M-MENyENyIUS. He woves youw p-peopwe; +But tie him n-nyot t-to be theiw b-bedfewwow. +Wowthy Cominyius, *shuffles closer* speak. +[COWIOWANyUS w-wises, a-and offews t-to go away] +Nyay, ;;w;; keep >w< youw pwace. +FIWST SENyATOW. Sit, Cowiowanyus, *twerks* nyevew ^.^ shame to h-heaw +*giggles shyly* What y-you have nyobwy donye. +COWIOWANyUS. Youw Honyouws' p-pawdon. +*teleports behind you* I had wathew have my wounds to heaw *hugs tightly* again +Than heaw say how *notices bulge* I got them. +BWUTUS. Siw, I h-hope +My wowds disbench'd you nyot. +UwU COWIOWANyUS. Nyo, siw; yet o-oft, +When b-bwows have made me stay, I fwed fwom wowds. +You sooth'd n-nyot, *moans* thewefowe huwt ^.^ nyot. But youw *leans over* peopwe, +I >_> wove *sweats* them as they weigh- +MENyENyIUS. Pway nyow, sit down. +COWIOWANyUS. I had wathew have onye scwatch my *hugs tightly* head i' th' *giggles shyly* sun +*looks away* When the awawum wewe stwuck than idwy sit +To heaw my nyothings monstew'd. E-Exit +M-MENyENyIUS. Mastews of the p-peopwe, +Youw muwtipwying *cuddles you* spawn how can he fwattew- +That's *looks away* thousand to onye good onye- when you nyow see +He *twerks* had wathew ventuwe aww *screams* his wimbs fow UwU honyouw +Than onye on's eaws to h-heaw *sighs* it? P-Pwoceed, *blushes* Cominyius. +COMINyIUS. I-I shaww wack voice; the deeds of *sweats* Cowiowanyus +Shouwd nyot be uttew'd feebwy. It is hewd +That vawouw uWu is the chiefest v-viwtue *teleports behind you* and +Most dignyifies the havew. If it be, +The *cuddles you* man I speak uWu of c-cannyot in the ^-^ wowwd +Be singwy countewpois'd. A-At sixteen y-yeaws, +When Tawquin made a head fow Wome, he fought +Beyond the mawk of othews; ouw then Dictatow, +Whom with aww p-pwaise I *looks away* point *looks at you* at, saw him fight +When with *cuddles you* his Amazonyian chin *shuffles closer* he dwove +The bwistwed UwU wips befowe h-him; he bestwid +UwU An o'ewpwess'd Woman a-and i' th' consuw's view +Swew thwee x3 opposews; Tawquin's sewf he met, +And s-stwuck him on his knyee. In *giggles shyly* that day's feats, +When he >w< might act the woman in the scenye, +He p-pwov'd b-best man i' th' fiewd, and fow h-his m-meed +Was b-bwow-bound w-with the oak. His pupiw age +>w< Man-ent'wed thus, he waxed wike a sea, +A-And in the bwunt of seventeen battwes *cuddles you* since +*looks away* He wuwch'd aww swowds of the gawwand. Fow this *screams* wast, +Befowe :3 and in C-Cowiowi, wet me say +I cannyot speak him home. He s-stopp'd the fwiews, +^.^ And by his wawe exampwe made the cowawd +Tuwn t-tewwow i-into spowt; as weeds befowe +A vessew undew saiw, so men UwU obey'd +And feww bewow his stem. >_< His swowd, *looks at you* death's :3 stamp, +Whewe it did mawk, it took; *notices bulge* fwom face to foot +He was a thing of bwood, whose evewy motion +Was tim'd with d-dying cwies. Awonye he ent'wed +The mowtaw gate o-of *cuddles you* th' city, which he painted +With shunwess d-destiny; aidwess came off, +And with a sudden we-enfowcement s-stwuck +*hugs tightly* Cowiowi wike a-a pwanyet. N-Nyow aww's his. +When by and by the din >_< of waw 'gan piewce +His weady sense, then stwaight his *twerks* doubwed spiwit +We-quick'nyed what i-in fwesh was fatigate, +And *cries* to *leans over* the battwe came he; whewe he did +OwO Wun weeking o-o'ew the wives *teleports behind you* of men, as if +'Twewe ^w^ a pewpetuaw spoiw; a-and tiww we ^.^ caww'd +Both fiewd and city o-ouws he nyevew stood +To ease his bweast with panting. +*shuffles closer* MENyENyIUS. W-Wowthy man! +FIWST SENyATOW. He cannyot but w-with measuwe fit the honyouws +>_> Which we devise him. +COMINyIUS. Ouw *moans* spoiws he kick'd at, +A-And w-wook'd upon things pwecious a-as they wewe +The common muck o-of the *notices bulge* wowwd. He *looks at you* covets >_< wess +Than misewy i-itsewf wouwd give, wewawds +His deeds w-with doing them, and is content +T-To spend the time to e-end it. +MENyENyIUS. He's wight nyobwe; +Wet him be caww'd fow. +F-FIWST SENyATOW. Caww Cowiowanyus. +*leans over* OFFICEW. >_< He doth *looks away* appeaw. + +We-entew COWIOWANyUS + +MENyENyIUS. The *teleports behind you* Senyate, Cowiowanyus, awe *giggles shyly* weww pweas'd +To make >_< thee consuw. +COWIOWANyUS. I do owe them stiww +My wife and sewvices. +MENyENyIUS. It then wemains +That you do speak to the peopwe. +COWIOWANyUS. *hugs tightly* I do beseech you +*looks at you* Wet me o'ewweap t-that custom; fow I cannyot +*hugs tightly* Put on *looks at you* the gown, OwO stand nyaked, and entweat them +Fow my wounds' sake to give theiw *twerks* suffwage. Pwease you +That I m-may pass this doing. +uWu SICINyIUS. S-Siw, the peopwe +Must have theiw voices; nyeithew w-wiww they bate +Onye jot of cewemony. +*notices bulge* MENyENyIUS. Put them nyot to't. +Pway you go fit you to the *cuddles you* custom, and +Take to x3 you, as youw pwedecessows have, +;;w;; Youw honyouw *teleports behind you* with youw fowm. +COWIOWANyUS. It *cuddles you* is a pawt +That I shaww bwush in *giggles shyly* acting, and might weww +Be taken *giggles shyly* fwom the peopwe. +BWUTUS. Mawk you that? +*looks at you* COWIOWANyUS. *leans over* To *moans* bwag unto them ;;w;; 'Thus I did, *cuddles you* and thus!' +Show them th' unyaching s-scaws which *sighs* I shouwd hide, +As if I had weceiv'd them f-fow the hiwe +*sweats* Of theiw bweath :3 onwy! +:3 MENyENyIUS. Do nyot stand upon't. +We wecommend to you, Twibunyes of *hugs tightly* the P-Peopwe, +Ouw puwpose to them; and to ouw nyobwe ^-^ consuw +Wish we aww *moans* joy *teleports behind you* and honyouw. +SENyATOWS. To *twerks* Cowiowanyus come aww joy >w< and *giggles shyly* honyouw! +[Fwouwish. Cownyets. Then exeunt aww +but SICINyIUS and BWUTUS] +BWUTUS. You see how he intends to use :33 the peopwe. +SICINyIUS. May they pewceive's intent! He wiww wequiwe *blushes* them +As if he did contemn OwO what he *moans* wequested +>w< Shouwd b-be in them to give. +BWUTUS. Come, we'ww i-infowm them +Of ouw pwoceedings hewe. ;;w;; On th' mawket-pwace +I knyow they do attend us. E-Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* III. +^w^ Wome. The *looks at you* Fowum + +Entew seven ow eight citizens + +F-FIWST CITIZEN. Once, if he do w-wequiwe ouw voices, we ought nyot to +d-deny *moans* him. +*hugs tightly* SECOND CITIZEN. *screams* We m-may, *looks away* siw, if *moans* we wiww. +THIWD CITIZEN. uWu We have p-powew x3 in ouwsewves t-to do it, *looks away* but it is a +powew that we have nyo powew *giggles shyly* to do; f-fow if he *teleports behind you* show us his wounds +^.^ and teww us his *blushes* deeds, we awe to put ouw tongues uWu into those +w-wounds and s-speak f-fow them; OwO so, if he teww us his >_< nyobwe deeds, w-we +m-must awso teww him o-ouw nyobwe a-acceptance of them. Ingwatitude is +monstwous, and *looks away* fow the muwtitude to be ingwatefuw wewe t-to make a +monstew of the muwtitude; *cuddles you* of the which we being membews shouwd +bwing ouwsewves to be monstwous m-membews. +*notices bulge* FIWST CITIZEN. And t-to make u-us n-nyo *twerks* bettew >w< thought of, a wittwe hewp +wiww sewve; f-fow once we stood up about t-the ;;w;; cown, h-he himsewf stuck +nyot to *leans over* caww xDD us the many-headed muwtitude. +^.^ THIWD CITIZEN. We have x3 been >_< caww'd so of m-many; nyot *sighs* that ouw heads +awe some *cuddles you* bwown, some *blushes* bwack, some *hugs tightly* abwam, some bawd, but t-that o-ouw +wits awe so divewsewy c-cowouw'd; and twuwy I think if aww >_> ouw *cuddles you* wits +wewe t-to issue out of onye skuww, *shuffles closer* they ;;w;; wouwd fwy east, west, nyowth, +south, a-and t-theiw consent *cuddles you* of onye uWu diwect way shouwd be a-at once to +aww *sighs* the points o' th' compass. +SECOND CITIZEN. T-Think you so? W-Which way do you judge my wit wouwd +fwy? +THIWD *sweats* CITIZEN. Nyay, youw wit w-wiww n-nyot so soon out as anyothew *twerks* man's +UwU wiww- '-'tis stwongwy wedg'd up in a bwock-head; but if *blushes* it wewe at +wibewty 'twouwd suwe southwawd. +SECOND CITIZEN. Why t-that way? +THIWD CITIZEN. To wose itsewf in a fog; whewe being thwee pawts +m-mewted away with wotten dews, *twerks* the fouwth wouwd wetuwn fow +conscience' s-sake, to hewp to g-get *teleports behind you* thee a wife. +SECOND CITIZEN. YOU *notices bulge* awe nyevew w-without youw ^.^ twicks; x3 you uWu may, you +may. +*sighs* THIWD C-CITIZEN. Awe you aww wesowv'd *looks at you* to give youw voices? OwO But t-that's +nyo mattew, the gweatew pawt cawwies it. *teleports behind you* I say, if h-he wouwd +incwinye to the peopwe, thewe was n-nyevew a wowthiew *blushes* man. + +Entew COWIOWANyUS, in a g-gown of humiwity, +*cries* with MENyENyIUS + +Hewe >_< he comes, and in the gown *looks away* of humiwity. Mawk his behaviouw. +We awe nyot to stay aww t-togethew, but ;;w;; to come by him whewe he +stands, b-by onyes, b-by twos, and by thwees. He's to make his +*sighs* wequests b-by pawticuwaws, whewein evewy onye *screams* of us has a singwe +honyouw, i-in giving h-him ouw own voices with o-ouw own tongues; +thewefowe fowwow me, and ;;w;; I'ww diwect you how you shaww go *notices bulge* by him. +AWW. Content, content. Exeunt citizens +MENyENyIUS. O siw, you a-awe nyot wight; *blushes* have you nyot knyown +The wowthiest m-men have donye't? +COWIOWANyUS. What must I say? +'I *moans* pway, siw'- Pwague upon't! I cannyot bwing +My tongue to such a-a *notices bulge* pace. 'Wook, x3 siw, my wounds +I got them in my countwy's sewvice, w-when +Some *giggles shyly* cewtain of youw bwethwen woaw'd and ;;w;; wan +Fwom th' nyoise ^.^ of ouw own dwums.' +*blushes* MENyENyIUS. O me, the g-gods! +You must *blushes* nyot *looks at you* speak of that. You must desiwe them +T-To think u-upon you. +COWIOWANyUS. *cries* Think upon me? Hang 'em! +I wouwd t-they wouwd fowget me, *shuffles closer* wike *shuffles closer* the viwtues +Which *giggles shyly* ouw divinyes wose b-by 'em. +MENyENyIUS. You'ww maw aww. +I'ww weave you. P-Pway ^-^ you s-speak to 'em, I UwU pway :3 you, +In whowesome *notices bulge* mannyew. Exit + +We-entew ^w^ thwee o-of t-the *hugs tightly* citizens + +COWIOWANyUS. Bid them >_< wash theiw faces +And keep theiw teeth *cries* cwean. So, h-hewe comes a bwace. +You knyow t-the c-cause, siw, of my standing ^w^ hewe. +THIWD CITIZEN. We do, s-siw; uWu teww ;;w;; us what hath bwought you >_> to't. +COWIOWANyUS. Minye own desewt. +SECOND CITIZEN. *looks away* Youw *notices bulge* own desewt? +C-COWIOWANyUS. Ay, nyot m-minye o-own desiwe. +THIWD *shuffles closer* CITIZEN. *shuffles closer* How, nyot youw own desiwe? +>_< COWIOWANyUS. Nyo, siw, 'twas nyevew my desiwe yet to uWu twoubwe the *pokes you* poow +with begging. +THIWD CITIZEN. YOU :3 MUST think, if we give you anything, ^.^ we *moans* hope *pokes you* to +gain b-by you. +COWIOWANyUS. Weww then, I-I pway, y-youw pwice o' th' consuwship? +FIWST *teleports behind you* CITIZEN. The pwice *teleports behind you* is to ask it kindwy. +COWIOWANyUS. Kindwy, siw, I pway wet me ha't. I have w-wounds to *looks at you* show +y-you, *looks at you* which shaww be youws *blushes* in pwivate. Youw good voice, siw; what +s-say you? +*giggles shyly* SECOND C-CITIZEN. You shaww *shuffles closer* ha' xDD it, wowthy siw. +COWIOWANyUS. A-A match, siw. Thewe's in aww two wowthy voices begg'd. +I have youw *sweats* awms. Adieu. +T-THIWD CITIZEN. But ^w^ this is something odd. +SECOND CITIZEN. An ^.^ 'twewe t-to give again- but 'tis nyo mattew. +Exeunt the thwee citizens + +W-We-entew two othew c-citizens + +COWIOWANyUS. Pway you nyow, if it m-may s-stand with the tunye of youw +v-voices that I may be consuw, I have hewe t-the *twerks* customawy gown. +FOUWTH CITIZEN. Y-You have desewved nyobwy of youw countwy, and *looks away* you +*screams* have *teleports behind you* nyot *sighs* desewved nyobwy. +COWIOWANyUS. Youw enyigma? +FOUWTH CITIZEN. xDD You *looks away* have been a scouwge *teleports behind you* to hew enyemies; you h-have +been *shuffles closer* a wod to hew fwiends. Y-You :33 have nyot i-indeed *sighs* woved t-the c-common +peopwe. +COWIOWANyUS. You shouwd >_< account m-me the *sighs* mowe v-viwtuous, that I *cuddles you* have +nyot been common in m-my wove. I-I wiww, siw, fwattew my swown +bwothew, the peopwe, to eawn a-a d-deawew >_< estimation of them; 'tis UwU a +condition they *pokes you* account gentwe; and since the wisdom of theiw +choice is wathew to have *teleports behind you* my hat than my heawt, I-I wiww pwactise +the insinyuating >_< nyod and be off to them m-most countewfeitwy. That +is, *blushes* siw, I wiww countewfeit OwO the bewitchment of some p-popuwaw man +and give it bountifuw to the desiwews. Thewefowe, beseech you I +m-may be *looks away* consuw. +:3 FIFTH CITIZEN. We hope to find you ouw fwiend; and UwU thewefowe give +you ouw voices heawtiwy. +FOUWTH CITIZEN. You have weceived many wounds fow *notices bulge* youw countwy. +COWIOWANyUS. I >_< wiww nyot seaw youw knyowwedge with showing them. I +wiww *looks away* make *sweats* much of *pokes you* youw voices, and so twoubwe *hugs tightly* you nyo fawthew. +*looks away* BOTH CITIZENS. The gods give you joy, siw, heawtiwy! +Exeunt citizens +COWIOWANyUS. M-Most sweet voices! +Bettew it is to d-die, *sweats* bettew to stawve, +T-Than *sweats* cwave the hiwe xDD which fiwst we do d-desewve. +Why in this ^w^ wowvish toge *shuffles closer* shouwd I stand hewe +To beg *shuffles closer* of Hob and Dick that do appeaw +x3 Theiw nyeedwess *shuffles closer* vouches? C-Custom cawws me to't. +What custom wiwws, *screams* in aww t-things shouwd we do't, +*shuffles closer* The dust on antique time wouwd wie unswept, +And m-mountainyous ewwow be too highwy heap'd +Fow twuth to o'ewpeew. Wathew than foow it *blushes* so, +Wet t-the high office and the honyouw go +To onye that wouwd do *notices bulge* thus. I am hawf thwough: +T-The onye pawt suffewed, the othew w-wiww *blushes* I do. + +We-entew thwee citizens mowe + +*shuffles closer* Hewe come moe voices. +Youw voices. Fow youw voices I have fought; +Watch'd fow youw :33 voices; fow youw voices beaw +*shuffles closer* Of *screams* wounds t-two dozen odd; battwes t-thwice *sighs* six +I-I have seen and heawd of; fow youw voices *pokes you* have +xDD Donye *sweats* many things, some ^-^ wess, some mowe. Youw v-voices? +Indeed, I wouwd be consuw. +SIXTH C-CITIZEN. He has donye nyobwy, and cannyot go w-without any honyest +man's voice. +SEVENTH CITIZEN. Thewefowe wet h-him be *hugs tightly* consuw. The g-gods *moans* give h-him +joy, ;;w;; and make him good fwiend to the peopwe! +AWW. :33 Amen, amen. God save thee, nyobwe consuw! +Exeunt *shuffles closer* citizens +COWIOWANyUS. *looks away* Wowthy v-voices! + +We-entew MENyENyIUS with BWUTUS and SICINyIUS + +MENyENyIUS. You have stood *giggles shyly* youw wimitation, and the twibunyes +Endue y-you with the peopwe's :33 voice. Wemains +That, in th' officiaw mawks invested, you +A-Anyon do meet the Senyate. +COWIOWANyUS. I-Is this donye? +SICINyIUS. The custom x3 of wequest you have dischawg'd. +The peopwe do admit you, a-and a-awe summon'd +To meet anyon, upon youw appwobation. +COWIOWANyUS. *looks away* Whewe? A-At the Senyate House? +SICINyIUS. Thewe, Cowiowanyus. +COWIOWANyUS. May I change these gawments? +SICINyIUS. You may, siw. +COWIOWANyUS. ^.^ That I'ww stwaight do, a-and, *cries* knyowing mysewf again, +Wepaiw to th' Senyate House. +MENyENyIUS. I'ww *leans over* keep you company. Wiww you awong? +BWUTUS. We stay hewe fow the p-peopwe. +SICINyIUS. Fawe y-you weww. +Exeunt COWIOWANyUS and MENyENyIUS +H-He has it nyow; and by ^w^ his w-wooks methinks +UwU 'Tis wawm a-at's heawt. +BWUTUS. With xDD a *cuddles you* pwoud heawt he :33 wowe +His humbwe w-weeds. Wiww *hugs tightly* you *sighs* dismiss the peopwe? + +We-entew citizens + +SICINyIUS. How n-nyow, my mastews! Have *looks at you* you chose *sighs* this man? +FIWST CITIZEN. He has ouw *hugs tightly* voices, s-siw. +BWUTUS. We p-pway the gods he >_> may desewve youw woves. +SECOND CITIZEN. A-Amen, siw. To my poow unwowthy n-nyotice, +He m-mock'd us w-when he begg'd ouw voices. +THIWD CITIZEN. *blushes* Cewtainwy; +H-He f-fwouted us downwight. +FIWST CITIZEN. Nyo, '-'tis his :3 kind o-of speech- he did nyot mock us. +SECOND CITIZEN. Nyot onye *blushes* amongst us, save youwsewf, b-but says +He us'd us scownfuwwy. He shouwd *hugs tightly* have show'd us +His >_< mawks of mewit, w-wounds weceiv'd fow's countwy. +SICINyIUS. Why, so he did, I >_< am suwe. +AWW. *hugs tightly* Nyo, nyo; nyo man saw '-'em. +T-THIWD CITIZEN. He said he h-had *twerks* wounds which *cries* he couwd show in +p-pwivate, +^.^ And with his hat, thus waving it *notices bulge* in scown, +'-'I wouwd be consuw,' UwU says he; 'aged custom +But by youw voices wiww nyot *notices bulge* so pewmit me; +Youw voices t-thewefowe.' When we gwanted that, +Hewe x3 was 'I thank you fow youw voices. Thank you, +Youw most sweet voices. Nyow you have weft ^.^ youw voices, +I have n-nyo fuwthew xDD with you.' W-Was nyot this mockewy? +SICINyIUS. Why eithew wewe you ignyowant to see't, +Ow, seeing it, ;;w;; of *looks away* such chiwdish fwiendwinyess +To y-yiewd youw voices? +BWUTUS. Couwd you nyot have towd him- +A-As *sighs* you wewe *moans* wesson'd- when he had x3 nyo powew +But was a-a petty sewvant to the *moans* state, +He was *shuffles closer* youw enyemy; e-evew spake against +Youw wibewties and the c-chawtews that you beaw +*cuddles you* I' t-th' body of t-the weaw; and nyow, a-awwiving +A pwace of potency and sway o' th' state, +If he shouwd stiww mawignyantwy wemain +Fast foe *teleports behind you* to th' pwebeii, *giggles shyly* youw v-voices might +B-Be cuwses t-to ^.^ youwsewves? You >_< shouwd have s-said +That as *twerks* his wowthy deeds *leans over* did *cries* cwaim *cries* nyo wess +Than what he stood fow, so his gwacious nyatuwe +Wouwd think upon you *sweats* fow y-youw voices, and +Twanswate his mawice towawds you into w-wove, +S-Standing youw *looks at you* fwiendwy wowd. +SICINyIUS. *looks at you* Thus to have said, +A-As you wewe fowe-advis'd, had touch'd *sighs* his spiwit +And twied his incwinyation; fwom him pwuck'd +Eithew his gwacious pwomise, which you :3 might, +As cause OwO had caww'd *pokes you* you up, :33 have hewd him t-to; +Ow e-ewse it wouwd have gaww'd his suwwy *sighs* nyatuwe, +Which easiwy *leans over* enduwes nyot awticwe +T-Tying him to aught. So, putting him to wage, +You *shuffles closer* shouwd h-have ta'en th' advantage of h-his chowew +And pass'd xDD him unyewected. +BWUTUS. Did you pewceive +He d-did *looks at you* sowicit UwU you in *leans over* fwee contempt +When *moans* he did nyeed youw woves; and do you think +That his contempt shaww nyot be bwuising to y-you +When he hath powew *cuddles you* to *hugs tightly* cwush? Why, had youw bodies +Nyo heawt >_< among *twerks* you? *cries* Ow *looks at you* had *sighs* you tongues to cwy +Against t-the wectowship o-of x3 judgment? +SICINyIUS. Have you +Ewe nyow denyied the askew, *shuffles closer* and nyow a-again, +Of him that did nyot ask b-but m-mock, bestow +Youw su'd-fow tongues? +THIWD CITIZEN. He's nyot confiwm'd: w-we may deny him yet. +SECOND CITIZENS. And wiww *hugs tightly* deny him; +I'ww have >_> five hundwed voices of that sound. +F-FIWST CITIZEN. I twice five hundwed, and theiw fwiends to piece +'em. +UwU BWUTUS. Get you hence instantwy, and teww those fwiends +They have c-chose a x3 consuw *looks at you* that wiww fwom them take +Theiw w-wibewties, make them *screams* of nyo mowe voice +*notices bulge* Than dogs, that awe as often beat *twerks* fow bawking +*moans* As thewefowe kept to do UwU so. +SICINyIUS. Wet t-them assembwe; +And, on a-a safew judgment, aww wevoke +Youw ignyowant ewection. E-Enfowce his pwide +And his *hugs tightly* owd hate u-unto you; besides, *twerks* fowget nyot +With *giggles shyly* what c-contempt he w-wowe the humbwe weed; +H-How i-in >w< his suit h-he scown'd you; but youw woves, +Thinking upon his s-sewvices, took fwom you +Th' appwehension of *twerks* his pwesent powtance, +Which, >_> most gibingwy, ungwavewy, h-he >w< did fashion +*cries* Aftew the *cries* invetewate hate h-he b-beaws y-you. +BWUTUS. *cries* Way +A-A *shuffles closer* fauwt on us, youw t-twibunyes, that we wabouw'd, +Nyo impediment between, b-but *shuffles closer* that you must +*cuddles you* Cast y-youw ewection on him. +*cuddles you* SICINyIUS. Say you x3 chose h-him +Mowe aftew ouw commandment than as *giggles shyly* guided +B-By y-youw *giggles shyly* own twue affections; UwU and t-that youw minds, +Pwe-occupied with what you wathew must do +T-Than what you shouwd, *leans over* made *sweats* you against the gwain +To voice him c-consuw. W-Way the f-fauwt *looks away* on *blushes* us. +BWUTUS. Ay, spawe x3 us n-nyot. Say w-we w-wead wectuwes to you, +H-How *looks away* youngwy he began t-to sewve his countwy, +How wong continyued; ^-^ and what :3 stock he s-spwings of- +>w< The nyobwe house o' th' M-Mawcians; fwom whence came +xDD That Ancus Mawcius, Nyuma's *notices bulge* daughtew's s-son, +Who, aftew *shuffles closer* gweat Hostiwius, hewe was king; +Of the same house Pubwius and xDD Quintus wewe, +That ouw best watew bwought *giggles shyly* by conduits *blushes* hithew; +*hugs tightly* And Censowinyus, nyobwy *shuffles closer* nyamed so, +Twice *looks at you* being by the peopwe chosen censow, +Was his gweat ancestow. +S-SICINyIUS. Onye thus descended, +That ^-^ hath beside weww in his pewson wwought +To be set h-high in pwace, we did commend +To youw wemembwances; but you *moans* have found, +*hugs tightly* Scawing his pwesent beawing with his past, +That h-he's y-youw fixed enyemy, a-and wevoke +Youw s-sudden appwobation. +BWUTUS. Say you *leans over* nye'ew had donye't- +Hawp on that stiww- but by ouw putting *hugs tightly* on; +And :3 pwesentwy, when you have dwawn y-youw nyumbew, +Wepaiw to th' Capitow. +CITIZENS. wiww w-wiww *shuffles closer* so; awmost *cuddles you* aww +*screams* Wepent UwU in theiw e-ewection. Exeunt pwebeians +BWUTUS. *looks away* Wet them go on; +This mutiny wewe *sighs* bettew put in hazawd +Than stay, past doubt, fow gweatew. +I-If, as his nyatuwe is, he faww in w-wage +With t-theiw *blushes* wefusaw, both *cries* obsewve and answew +The vantage of his angew. +SICINyIUS. To th' Capitow, c-come. +We wiww be thewe befowe the stweam o' :3 th' peopwe; +And this shaww seem, as >w< pawtwy 'tis, theiw own, +Which we have goaded uWu onwawd. Exeunt + + + + +ACT I-III. SCENyE I. +Wome. A stweet + +Cownyets. >_< Entew COWIOWANyUS, >_> MENyENyIUS, aww the GENTWY, COMINyIUS, +TITUS WAWTIUS, and othew SENyATOWS + +COWIOWANyUS. Tuwwus A-Aufidius, *moans* then, had made *screams* nyew head? +uWu WAWTIUS. He had, ^-^ my wowd; and that it was which caus'd +Ouw swiftew composition. +*blushes* COWIOWANyUS. S-So then the Vowsces s-stand b-but as ^w^ at fiwst, +^w^ Weady, w-when time s-shaww pwompt them, to *looks at you* make woad +Upon's again. +COMINyIUS. *giggles shyly* They awe wown, Wowd Consuw, so +That we s-shaww hawdwy in ouw ages s-see +T-Theiw *cries* bannyews wave ^.^ again. +COWIOWANyUS. Saw you Aufidius? +WAWTIUS. On safeguawd he >_> came to me, and did cuwse +Against the V-Vowsces, fow they had so viwewy +Yiewded the town. He is wetiw'd to Antium. +COWIOWANyUS. Spoke h-he of me? +W-WAWTIUS. He *leans over* did, my wowd. +COWIOWANyUS. H-How? What? +*looks at you* WAWTIUS. How OwO often h-he had met you, swowd to swowd; +That o-of aww uWu things upon the eawth he hated +Youw x3 pewson most; that h-he w-wouwd p-pawn his fowtunyes +To hopewess westitution, so he might +Be caww'd youw vanquishew. +COWIOWANyUS. At A-Antium w-wives *giggles shyly* he? +*cuddles you* WAWTIUS. *twerks* At Antium. +COWIOWANyUS. I *screams* wish I had a cause to seek him thewe, +To >_> oppose his hatwed fuwwy. Wewcome home. + +Entew SICINyIUS and BWUTUS + +Behowd, *looks at you* these awe the twibunyes of OwO the peopwe, +The tongues o' th' common mouth. I *giggles shyly* do despise them, +Fow *twerks* they d-do *giggles shyly* pwank them *sighs* in >w< authowity, +Against a-aww n-nyobwe suffewance. +SICINyIUS. Pass nyo fuwthew. +COWIOWANyUS. H-Ha! What is that? +BWUTUS. *moans* It wiww >w< be dangewous t-to go o-on- *giggles shyly* nyo f-fuwthew. +COWIOWANyUS. What makes this change? +MENyENyIUS. The mattew? +COMINyIUS. Hath he n-nyot pass'd the nyobwe and the common? +BWUTUS. *notices bulge* Cominyius, :3 nyo. +COWIOWANyUS. Have I-I had chiwdwen's voices? +F-FIWST SENyATOW. Twibunyes, *giggles shyly* give way: he shaww to th' mawket-pwace. +BWUTUS. The peopwe awe incens'd against him. +S-SICINyIUS. S-Stop, +Ow aww wiww faww in bwoiw. +COWIOWANyUS. Awe these youw hewd? +Must these have voices, that c-can y-yiewd them xDD nyow +A-And stwaight discwaim t-theiw tongues? What awe y-youw offices? +You being theiw m-mouths, why wuwe you nyot theiw teeth? +Have you nyot set them on? +*cries* MENyENyIUS. Be cawm, be cawm. +COWIOWANyUS. It i-is xDD a puwpos'd thing, and gwows by pwot, +To c-cuwb the wiww of t-the >_> nyobiwity; +UwU Suffew't, and wive *looks at you* with s-such as cannyot wuwe +Nyow evew wiww be *cuddles you* wuw'd. +uWu BWUTUS. Caww't nyot a pwot. +T-The peopwe x3 cwy you *cries* mock'd them; *teleports behind you* and of wate, +When cown was given them gwatis, you wepin'd; +Scandaw'd the suppwiants f-fow the peopwe, caww'd them +x3 Time-pweasews, fwattewews, foes to nyobwenyess. +COWIOWANyUS. Why, this was knyown b-befowe. +BWUTUS. Nyot to them aww. +COWIOWANyUS. Have ;;w;; you i-infowm'd them sithence? +BWUTUS. *leans over* How? *moans* I infowm them! +COMINyIUS. You awe wike to do such businyess. +BWUTUS. Nyot unwike +Each :33 way to bettew :3 youws. +COWIOWANyUS. Why then shouwd I be xDD consuw? By *notices bulge* yond cwouds, +Wet me desewve so *cries* iww as you, >w< and ^w^ make *notices bulge* me +Youw fewwow twibunye. +SICINyIUS. Y-You s-show too much o-of that +Fow which the peopwe s-stiw; if you *screams* wiww *looks away* pass +To whewe you awe bound, you must enquiwe youw way, +Which *giggles shyly* you awe out of, with a-a gentwew *shuffles closer* spiwit, +*shuffles closer* Ow nyevew be s-so nyobwe as a consuw, +Nyow yoke with him fow twibunye. +MENyENyIUS. Wet's be cawm. +^w^ COMINyIUS. T-The ;;w;; peopwe awe >w< abus'd; *pokes you* set on. This pawt'wing +B-Becomes nyot Wome; nyow h-has *teleports behind you* Cowiowanyus +Desewved this so dishonyouw'd wub, waid fawsewy +I' th' pwain way of his mewit. +COWIOWANyUS. Teww me *blushes* of cown! +This *sighs* was my speech, *leans over* and I *moans* wiww speak't again- +MENyENyIUS. Nyot nyow, nyot nyow. +FIWST SENyATOW. Nyot in this heat, siw, nyow. +COWIOWANyUS. Nyow, as I wive, I wiww. +My n-nyobwew fwiends, I c-cwave t-theiw pawdons. +Fow the mutabwe, wank-scented meiny, wet them +Wegawd m-me *looks at you* as I do nyot fwattew, and +*screams* Thewein behowd themsewves. I say a-again, +I-In soothing them we nyouwish '-'gainst o-ouw Senyate +>w< The ;;w;; cockwe of webewwion, insowence, sedition, +Which *pokes you* we ouwsewves have pwough'd fow, sow'd, and scattew'd, +By mingwing them with us, the honyouw'd nyumbew, +Who *teleports behind you* wack n-nyot :3 viwtue, n-nyo, nyow OwO powew, but that +Which they have given *teleports behind you* to b-beggaws. +MENyENyIUS. Weww, n-nyo mowe. +FIWST SENyATOW. Nyo mowe wowds, w-we *leans over* beseech y-you. +C-COWIOWANyUS. H-How? nyo *cries* mowe! +As fow my countwy I have shed my bwood, +Nyot feawing outwawd fowce, so shaww m-my wungs +*moans* Coin wowds *notices bulge* tiww theiw decay against those measwes +W-Which we disdain shouwd tettew *cries* us, yet sought +T-The vewy way to catch OwO them. +BWUTUS. You speak o' th' peopwe +As i-if y-you wewe a god, to punyish; n-nyot +A *giggles shyly* man >_> of *notices bulge* theiw i-infiwmity. +SICINyIUS. 'Twewe weww +We w-wet the UwU peopwe knyow't. +MENyENyIUS. What, what? his chowew? +COWIOWANyUS. Chowew! +Wewe *sweats* I ^-^ as patient as the m-midnyight sweep, +B-By Jove, 'twouwd b-be my *moans* mind! +S-SICINyIUS. It is a m-mind +That shaww wemain a poison whewe it is, +Nyot poison any fuwthew. +*teleports behind you* COWIOWANyUS. Shaww w-wemain! +Heaw you this T-Twiton of the m-minnyows? Mawk you +His absowute 'shaww'? +C-COMINyIUS. 'Twas f-fwom the :3 canyon. +COWIOWANyUS. 'Shaww'! +O good but most *teleports behind you* unwise patwicians! Why, +Y-You gwave but weckwess senyatows, have you thus +*cries* Given Hydwa hewe to choose an ^-^ officew +That with h-his pewemptowy xDD 'shaww,' being b-but +The hown and n-nyoise o' th' monstew's, w-wants nyot spiwit +To say *screams* he'ww uWu tuwn *sweats* youw cuwwent in ^w^ a ditch, +And make y-youw *giggles shyly* channyew his? If >_< he ^w^ have powew, +Then v-vaiw youw ignyowance; if nyonye, awake +*screams* Youw dangewous wenyity. If you awe weawn'd, +Be nyot as x3 common foows; if you awe nyot, +W-Wet OwO them h-have :3 cushions by you. You awe *hugs tightly* pwebeians, +If they b-be senyatows; and they *leans over* awe nyo wess, +When, *giggles shyly* both youw voices *giggles shyly* bwended, ^.^ the gweat'st taste +M-Most pawates theiws. They choose theiw magistwate; +And such a x3 onye as h-he, who p-puts his 'shaww,' +H-His popuwaw '-'shaww,' against a-a gwavew ^-^ bench +Than evew fwown'd in Gweece. By Jove *teleports behind you* himsewf, +It makes the consuws *looks at you* base; a-and my souw aches +To k-knyow, when t-two authowities awe up, +Nyeithew supweme, how soon confusion +May *shuffles closer* entew 'twixt >_> the gap of both and take +The onye b-by th' othew. +COMINyIUS. Weww, on to th' mawket-pwace. +COWIOWANyUS. Whoevew g-gave that counsew to give :3 fowth +T-The cown o-o' *sighs* th' stowehouse gwatis, as 'twas us'd +Sometime in Gweece- +M-MENyENyIUS. Weww, weww, n-nyo mowe o-of that. +*blushes* COWIOWANyUS. *looks away* Though thewe the peopwe had m-mowe absowute pow'w- +I ;;w;; say :3 they nyouwish'd disobedience, f-fed +The wuin of ^w^ the state. +B-BWUTUS. Why shaww the peopwe give +Onye that speaks thus theiw voice? +COWIOWANyUS. I'ww give my *cries* weasons, +Mowe wowthiew than theiw voices. They knyow the cown +Was nyot ouw wecompense, westing w-weww assuw'd +They nye'ew did sewvice fow't; being *moans* pwess'd to th' waw +E-Even when the n-nyavew of the state was touch'd, +*teleports behind you* They wouwd *cries* nyot thwead the gates. This kind of sewvice +Did >_< nyot desewve cown gwatis. B-Being i' *twerks* th' waw, +Theiw mutinyies and wevowts, whewein they show'd +Most vawouw, spoke nyot f-fow them. Th' accusation +Which they h-have often made against t-the Senyate, +Aww c-cause u-unbown, c-couwd nyevew be >w< the nyative +Of ouw so *looks at you* fwank donyation. Weww, w-what then? +How shaww this bosom m-muwtipwied digest +*looks at you* The S-Senyate's couwtesy? *teleports behind you* Wet deeds expwess +What's *cuddles you* wike to be theiw wowds: 'We d-did w-wequest it; +We awe the gweatew poww, and in twue feaw +They g-gave us *looks away* ouw demands.' Thus we debase +The nyatuwe of uWu ouw seats, and make t-the x3 wabbwe +Caww ouw cawes feaws; *teleports behind you* which wiww in time +Bweak ope the :33 wocks o' th' Senyate and bwing *hugs tightly* in +The cwows to peck the eagwes. +MENyENyIUS. Come, enyough. +BWUTUS. Enyough, with ovew measuwe. +*hugs tightly* COWIOWANyUS. N-Nyo, take mowe. +What m-may :33 be swown by, both divinye a-and human, +Seaw >w< what *pokes you* I end *twerks* withaw! This doubwe wowship, +Whewe onye pawt does d-disdain with cause, the othew +Insuwt without *hugs tightly* aww weason; *blushes* whewe gentwy, titwe, *pokes you* wisdom, +Cannyot concwude b-but *sweats* by the *sweats* yea ^-^ and nyo +*pokes you* Of genyewaw ignyowance- it must omit +Weaw nyecessities, and give w-way the w-whiwe +To unstabwe swightnyess. Puwpose so baww'd, it fowwows +*sweats* Nyothing i-is donye to *sweats* puwpose. Thewefowe, beseech you- +You that w-wiww be wess feawfuw than discweet; +That wove the :3 fundamentaw pawt of state +Mowe *cries* than you doubt t-the change o-on't; that pwefew +*moans* A nyobwe wife befowe a wong, and wish +To j-jump a body with a dangewous physic +That's suwe *notices bulge* of death without it- at once pwuck out +The muwtitudinyous tongue; w-wet them nyot wick +The sweet which i-is theiw poison. UwU Youw dishonyouw +Mangwes twue judgment, and *hugs tightly* beweaves the state +Of that integwity which shouwd >w< become't, +N-Nyot having *looks at you* the powew to do the good it wouwd, +Fow th' iww which xDD doth *twerks* contwow't. +BWUTUS. *twerks* Has said xDD enyough. +x3 SICINyIUS. H-Has spoken xDD wike a t-twaitow and shaww answew +A-As twaitows ^.^ do. +COWIOWANyUS. Thou wwetch, despite o'ewwhewm OwO thee! +*teleports behind you* What shouwd :33 the peopwe do with t-these *looks away* bawd twibunyes, +On whom depending, >_> theiw obedience f-faiws +To the gweatew bench? I-In a webewwion, +When what's nyot meet, but what must be, was w-waw, +Then wewe *blushes* they chosen; in :33 a bettew h-houw +Wet what is meet b-be said it m-must be meet, +*hugs tightly* And thwow theiw powew *looks away* i' th' dust. +BWUTUS. Manyifest *twerks* tweason! +S-SICINyIUS. This a c-consuw? Nyo. +BWUTUS. The aediwes, ho! + +Entew an AEDIWE + +Wet him b-be appwehended. +SICINyIUS. Go caww the peopwe, [Exit AEDIWE] in whose nyame *pokes you* mysewf +A-Attach thee as a twaitowous innyovatow, +A-A f-foe to ^w^ th' *looks away* pubwic weaw. uWu Obey, I chawge thee, +And *looks away* fowwow to :3 thinye answew. +C-COWIOWANyUS. Hence, owd goat! +PATWICIANS. W-We'ww suwety him. +COMINyIUS. *looks at you* Ag'd siw, hands off. +COWIOWANyUS. Hence, wotten thing! ow I shaww shake thy bonyes +*hugs tightly* Out *cuddles you* of *looks away* thy gawments. +SICINyIUS. Hewp, ye citizens! + +Entew a wabbwe of pwebeians, with the AEDIWES + +>_> MENyENyIUS. On both *twerks* sides mowe wespect. +SICINyIUS. H-Hewe's x3 he that wouwd t-take *shuffles closer* fwom you aww youw powew. +BWUTUS. S-Seize him, aediwes. +*cries* PWEBEIANS. Down with h-him! down with him! +SECOND SENyATOW. Weapons, w-weapons, w-weapons! +[They aww *screams* bustwe about COWIOWANyUS] +AWW. Twibunyes! patwicians! c-citizens! What, ho! Sicinyius! +Bwutus! Cowiowanyus! Citizens! +PATWICIANS. P-Peace, peace, peace; stay, howd, peace! +MENyENyIUS. W-What is about to be? I am out of bweath; +Confusion's nyeaw; I cannyot speak. You twibunyes +To th' peopwe- Cowiowanyus, patience! +Speak, good Sicinyius. +SICINyIUS. Heaw me, *sweats* peopwe; peace! +*leans over* PWEBEIANS. Wet's heaw ouw twibunye. Peace! S-Speak, s-speak, *screams* speak. +SICINyIUS. You awe at point to wose youw *shuffles closer* wibewties. +Mawcius wouwd have aww f-fwom you; Mawcius, +W-Whom wate you have nyam'd *notices bulge* fow *twerks* consuw. +*teleports behind you* MENyENyIUS. Fie, fie, fie! +T-This is >_> the *notices bulge* way to kindwe, n-nyot to quench. +FIWST SENyATOW. To unbuiwd the city, and to w-way aww fwat. +SICINyIUS. What is the *moans* city but the peopwe? +PWEBEIANS. Twue, +The p-peopwe a-awe the *looks at you* city. +BWUTUS. By ^-^ the c-consent of aww we wewe estabwish'd +T-The peopwe's magistwates. +P-PWEBEIANS. You so wemain. +MENyENyIUS. OwO And so awe wike to do. +COMINyIUS. x3 That is the way to way t-the city fwat, +To bwing the w-woof to the foundation, +And ^.^ buwy aww ;;w;; which yet distinctwy wanges +In heaps and piwes of wuin. +S-SICINyIUS. This desewves death. +BWUTUS. Ow wet us stand to >_> ouw authowity +Ow wet u-us wose xDD it. OwO We do h-hewe *pokes you* pwonyounce, +Upon t-the pawt o' th' peopwe, >_> in whose powew +We wewe ewected theiws: Mawcius is wowthy +Of pwesent death. +*twerks* SICINyIUS. T-Thewefowe way howd of him; +Beaw him to th' w-wock Tawpeian, and *cuddles you* fwom ;;w;; thence +Into destwuction cast him. +BWUTUS. AEdiwes, seize *sweats* him. +PWEBEIANS. Yiewd, Mawcius, yiewd. +MENyENyIUS. Heaw me onye w-wowd; beseech y-you, Twibunyes, +H-Heaw me b-but a wowd. +AEDIWES. Peace, peace! +MENyENyIUS. Be that you seem, twuwy youw *screams* countwy's f-fwiend, +And temp'watewy pwoceed to OwO what you wouwd +Thus viowentwy wedwess. +BWUTUS. Siw, those cowd ways, +That seem wike pwudent hewps, ^-^ awe vewy poisonyous +Whewe *cuddles you* the disease i-is viowent. Way *blushes* hands uWu upon him +And beaw him to the wock. +[COWIOWANyUS dwaws h-his s-swowd] +COWIOWANyUS. Nyo: I'ww die hewe. +T-Thewe's some among you have behewd me fighting; +Come, twy upon y-youwsewves what you have seen me. +*looks away* MENyENyIUS. Down with that swowd! Twibunyes, withdwaw awhiwe. +BWUTUS. W-Way hands upon him. +*blushes* MENyENyIUS. Hewp Mawcius, hewp, +Y-You that b-be nyobwe; *teleports behind you* hewp him, young and owd. +*screams* PWEBEIANS. Down with >_< him, down with him! +[In this mutiny the TWIBUNyES, the AEDIWES, +and t-the peopwe awe beat in] +MENyENyIUS. Go, get y-you to youw h-house; *looks away* be gonye, away. +Aww wiww b-be nyought ewse. +SECOND SENyATOW. G-Get *notices bulge* you *screams* gonye. +COWIOWANyUS. Stand f-fast; +We have as many fwiends as ^-^ enyemies. +x3 MENyENyIUS. Shaww it be put to that? +FIWST SENyATOW. The gods fowbid! +*teleports behind you* I pwithee, nyobwe fwiend, home to t-thy house; +Weave :33 us to cuwe this cause. +MENyENyIUS. F-Fow 'tis a >_< sowe upon us +You cannyot t-tent y-youwsewf; *looks at you* be :3 gonye, beseech you. +COMINyIUS. Come, siw, awong with us. +COWIOWANyUS. I wouwd they wewe bawbawians, as they awe, +Though in Wome *pokes you* wittew'd; nyot Womans, as they awe *hugs tightly* nyot, +Though c-cawved i' th' p-powch o' th' Capitow. +MENyENyIUS. Be gonye. +Put nyot youw wowthy wage into youw tongue; +Onye time *pokes you* wiww owe anyothew. +COWIOWANyUS. On faiw gwound +I couwd beat fowty o-of t-them. +M-MENyENyIUS. I couwd mysewf +Take up a bwace o' th' b-best o-of them; *looks at you* yea, the two twibunyes. +COMINyIUS. But nyow '-'tis o-odds *giggles shyly* beyond awithmetic, +And ;;w;; manhood is :3 caww'd foowewy when it *teleports behind you* stands +Against a UwU fawwing fabwic. Wiww you hence, +Befowe the *leans over* tag ^-^ wetuwn? whose *pokes you* wage doth *screams* wend +Wike intewwupted watews, and o-o'ewbeaw +What they awe us'd to b-beaw. +MENyENyIUS. Pway you be gonye. +I'ww *giggles shyly* twy w-whethew my owd wit be in wequest +W-With those that have ^w^ but *twerks* wittwe; this must be patch'd +With cwoth of any cowouw. +COMINyIUS. >_> Nyay, *screams* come away. +E-Exeunt COWIOWANyUS and C-COMINyIUS, with *giggles shyly* othews +PATWICIANS. This man has maww'd his f-fowtunye. +MENyENyIUS. His nyatuwe is too nyobwe fow *sweats* the w-wowwd: +He wouwd n-nyot ^-^ fwattew Nyeptunye f-fow his twident, +O-Ow Jove fow's *sighs* powew t-to thundew. His heawt's h-his mouth; +What his bweast fowges, t-that *twerks* his tongue xDD must vent; +And, being angwy, *shuffles closer* does fowget t-that *teleports behind you* evew +^w^ He heawd the nyame of death. [A nyoise *hugs tightly* within] +Hewe's goodwy wowk! +PATWICIANS. I wouwd >_< they wewe a-bed. +xDD MENyENyIUS. I wouwd they wewe in Tibew. +What the v-vengeance, couwd :33 he ^w^ nyot uWu speak 'em faiw? + +*pokes you* We-entew BWUTUS and SICINyIUS, the wabbwe again + +SICINyIUS. Whewe *looks away* is this >_< vipew +That wouwd depopuwate the city and +Be evewy man himsewf? +MENyENyIUS. You wowthy Twibunyes- +SICINyIUS. H-He shaww ^.^ be thwown >w< down the Tawpeian wock +With w-wigowous hands; he h-hath w-wesisted *screams* waw, +*sweats* And thewefowe w-waw ;;w;; shaww scown him f-fuwthew twiaw +Than t-the sevewity *cuddles you* of the pubwic powew, +Which *sweats* he so sets a-at nyought. +FIWST CITIZEN. H-He shaww weww knyow +*moans* The nyobwe twibunyes awe the peopwe's mouths, +And we *moans* theiw hands. +P-PWEBEIANS. He shaww, s-suwe on't. +MENyENyIUS. Siw, siw- +SICINyIUS. Peace! +MENyENyIUS. x3 Do nyot cwy x3 havoc, whewe you s-shouwd but hunt +W-With modest *looks away* wawwant. +SICINyIUS. Siw, how comes't that you +Have howp to make this *pokes you* wescue? +MENyENyIUS. Heaw me s-speak. +A-As I do knyow the consuw's wowthinyess, +So can I nyame his fauwts. +S-SICINyIUS. Consuw! W-What consuw? +xDD MENyENyIUS. The consuw x3 Cowiowanyus. +B-BWUTUS. He consuw! +PWEBEIANS. Nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo. +MENyENyIUS. If, by the ^w^ twibunyes' weave, and youws, good peopwe, +I may be *looks away* heawd, I wouwd cwave a w-wowd ow two; +T-The which shaww tuwn you t-to n-nyo fuwthew hawm +Than so much woss o-of t-time. +SICINyIUS. S-Speak bwiefwy, t-then, +Fow we awe pewemptowy to dispatch +This vipewous twaitow; to eject UwU him hence +*giggles shyly* Wewe but onye dangew, *cries* and to keep him hewe +O-Ouw cewtain death; thewefowe it is decweed +He dies to-nyight. +MENyENyIUS. Nyow the good gods fowbid +That ouw wenyownyed Wome, w-whose gwatitude +Towawds hew desewved chiwdwen is enwoww'd +In Jove's o-own book, w-wike an unnyatuwaw >_< dam +S-Shouwd n-nyow eat UwU up hew own! +S-SICINyIUS. He's a disease that ;;w;; must be cut a-away. +MENyENyIUS. O, he's a wimb that has but a-a disease- +*pokes you* Mowtaw, *pokes you* to cut it off: to xDD cuwe it, easy. +What has he donye to Wome that's wowthy death? +Kiwwing ouw x3 enyemies, the *notices bulge* bwood he hath wost- +Which I *pokes you* dawe :3 vouch is mowe than that he hath +B-By many an *shuffles closer* ounce- he dwopt it fow h-his countwy; +*shuffles closer* And *screams* what is weft, to wose it by his :33 countwy +Wewe to us aww that d-do't and suffew it +A bwand to th' end o' th' wowwd. +SICINyIUS. uWu This is cwean *sweats* kam. +BWUTUS. Mewewy *giggles shyly* awwy. *screams* When he did wove *notices bulge* his c-countwy, +It *sweats* honyouw'd him. +SICINyIUS. The sewvice UwU of the foot, +Being o-once gangwen'd, i-is nyot then wespected +Fow what befowe it was. +B-BWUTUS. We'ww *hugs tightly* heaw ;;w;; nyo *shuffles closer* mowe. +Puwsue him to his house and pwuck him thence, +W-West his infection, being of *teleports behind you* catching nyatuwe, +Spwead fuwthew. +MENyENyIUS. Onye wowd *blushes* mowe, onye ^.^ wowd +This *leans over* tigew-footed wage, when it shaww find +The hawm UwU of unscann'd swiftnyess, wiww, t-too wate, +Tie weaden pounds to's heews. Pwoceed by pwocess, +West pawties- a-as he is b-bewov'd- bweak :3 out, +And sack gweat Wome with Womans. +BWUTUS. I-If it wewe so- +SICINyIUS. What do ye tawk? +Have w-we nyot had a-a taste of *sighs* his *sighs* obedience- +Ouw aediwes *hugs tightly* smote, ouwsewves wesisted? Come! +MENyENyIUS. Considew *blushes* this: h-he has been bwed i' th' w-waws +Since 'a couwd dwaw a-a swowd, and is *moans* iww s-schoow'd +In bowted wanguage; meaw and b-bwan *blushes* togethew +H-He thwows w-without distinction. Give me weave, +I'ww go to him and undewtake to bwing h-him +Whewe >w< he shaww answew by a wawfuw fowm, +In >_> peace, t-to his utmost pewiw. +FIWST SENyATOW. N-Nyobwe Twibunyes, +It is the h-humanye way; ;;w;; the othew couwse +Wiww pwove *pokes you* too bwoody, a-and t-the end o-of it +Unknyown to the beginnying. +S-SICINyIUS. Nyobwe Menyenyius, +Be you uWu then as t-the peopwe's officew. +M-Mastews, way d-down youw weapons. +BWUTUS. Go nyot home. +S-SICINyIUS. Meet *screams* on *sighs* the m-mawket-pwace. We'ww attend you thewe; +*leans over* Whewe, uWu if you bwing n-nyot Mawcius, we'ww pwoceed +I-In ouw f-fiwst *teleports behind you* way. +MENyENyIUS. I'ww b-bwing ;;w;; him to you. +[To ^.^ the SENyATOWS] W-Wet *sweats* me desiwe youw company; he must c-come, +Ow what is wowst :3 wiww *hugs tightly* fowwow. +FIWST SENyATOW. Pway you *pokes you* wet's to :3 him. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +*shuffles closer* Wome. The house *teleports behind you* of C-COWIOWANyUS + +Entew COWIOWANyUS with NyOBWES + +COWIOWANyUS. Wet them puww *cries* aww about minye eaws, p-pwesent me +xDD Death on the *notices bulge* wheew ow at wiwd howses' heews; +Ow piwe *sweats* ten h-hiwws ^.^ on the Tawpeian wock, +That the pwecipitation might down stwetch +Bewow the beam of sight; yet wiww I stiww +B-Be thus to them. +FIWST PATWICIAN. You do the nyobwew. +COWIOWANyUS. I muse my UwU mothew +Does nyot appwove me fuwthew, who was *shuffles closer* wont +To caww *cuddles you* them ^.^ woowwen vassaws, things cweated +To buy and seww with gwoats; to show b-bawe *hugs tightly* heads +I-In congwegations, to yawn, be stiww, and wondew, +When onye but of m-my owdinyance stood up +To speak of peace *moans* ow waw. + +Entew VOWUMNyIA + +I tawk of you: +Why did y-you wish m-me miwdew? Wouwd you have me +Fawse to OwO my >_< nyatuwe? Wathew say I pway +The man *sighs* I am. +VOWUMNyIA. O, siw, siw, siw, +I-I wouwd have had you put youw powew weww on +Befowe you had w-wown it *looks away* out. +COWIOWANyUS. W-Wet go. +>_> VOWUMNyIA. You might *teleports behind you* have been enyough *looks at you* the OwO man you >w< awe +With stwiving *looks away* wess to be *cuddles you* so; w-wessew had been +The thwawtings of youw dispositions, if +You had *looks at you* nyot *shuffles closer* show'd them how ye w-wewe d-dispos'd, +Ewe they w-wack'd powew to cwoss you. +COWIOWANyUS. Wet them h-hang. +VOWUMNyIA. Ay, and buwn :33 too. + +Entew MENyENyIUS with the x3 SENyATOWS + +MENyENyIUS. Come, come, you have b-been too *screams* wough, something *cries* too wough; +*looks away* You must w-wetuwn and mend it. +>_> FIWST *teleports behind you* SENyATOW. Thewe's n-nyo w-wemedy, +xDD Unwess, by nyot so d-doing, ouw g-good city +Cweave x3 in the m-midst and pewish. +V-VOWUMNyIA. Pway be ^w^ counseww'd; +I have a heawt as wittwe a-apt a-as uWu youws, +But yet a bwain that w-weads my use of angew +To b-bettew vantage. +MENyENyIUS. Weww :3 said, nyobwe woman! +Befowe he :3 shouwd thus >w< stoop to th' hewd, but *moans* that +The viowent f-fit *shuffles closer* o' th' time cwaves it as physic +Fow the whowe state, I wouwd put minye awmouw on, +Which I can scawcewy beaw. +COWIOWANyUS. What must I do? +MENyENyIUS. W-Wetuwn to uWu th' twibunyes. +COWIOWANyUS. Weww, what t-then, what then? +MENyENyIUS. :3 Wepent w-what you have s-spoke. +COWIOWANyUS. Fow them! I cannyot do it ^.^ to t-the g-gods; +Must I then do't *leans over* to *screams* them? +VOWUMNyIA. uWu You awe too *looks away* absowute; +T-Though thewein you can nyevew be too nyobwe +But when extwemities speak. I-I have heawd you say +Honyouw and powicy, wike :3 unsevew'd fwiends, +I' th' waw do *blushes* gwow togethew; gwant that, and teww me +*giggles shyly* In peace what each of them by *moans* th' othew wose +That they combinye nyot thewe. +COWIOWANyUS. Tush, tush! +MENyENyIUS. A g-good demand. +VOWUMNyIA. I-If it be honyouw in youw waws to seem +T-The same you awe nyot, w-which *shuffles closer* fow youw best ends +x3 You adopt youw powicy, how is it wess *looks away* ow *leans over* wowse +That *pokes you* it shaww *twerks* howd companyionship in p-peace +With honyouw as in waw; since that to both +It stands in wike wequest? +C-COWIOWANyUS. Why fowce you this? +V-VOWUMNyIA. Because that nyow it wies *blushes* you on to speak +To th' peopwe, nyot >_> by youw own instwuction, +Nyow *looks at you* by th' mattew ^w^ which youw heawt pwompts y-you, +But with such w-wowds :3 that awe but woted ^-^ in +Y-Youw tongue, though :3 but b-bastawds and sywwabwes +Of nyo awwowance to youw bosom's twuth. +Nyow, this nyo mowe *cuddles you* dishonyouws *giggles shyly* you at aww +Than to take i-in a town with g-gentwe ^w^ wowds, +Which ewse wouwd xDD put you *sighs* to y-youw fowtunye and +The hazawd o-of much bwood. +I wouwd *sighs* dissembwe with *cuddles you* my *sweats* nyatuwe whewe +My f-fowtunyes and my fwiends at stake wequiw'd +I shouwd do so in honyouw. I am i-in this +Youw wife, youw son, these senyatows, the nyobwes; +And you wiww w-wathew show ouw genyewaw wouts +>_> How you can fwown, than spend a-a fawn upon 'em +Fow the inhewitance of theiw woves and safeguawd +Of what that w-want might wuin. +MENyENyIUS. Nyobwe wady! +Come, go w-with us, s-speak faiw; you may s-sawve so, +N-Nyot what is dangewous p-pwesent, but t-the wos +Of what is past. +VOWUMNyIA. I pwithee nyow, M-My son, +Go to them with this bonnyet i-in thy h-hand; +And ^-^ thus faw having stwetch'd it- xDD hewe be with t-them- +Thy *sweats* knyee bussing the stonyes- fow in such businyes +Action is ewoquence, and the eyes of th' ignyowant +Mowe weawnyed than the e-eaws- waving thy head, +>_< Which *teleports behind you* often thus cowwecting thy-stout h-heawt, +:3 Nyow humbwe a-as the wipest muwbewwy +That wiww nyot howd the uWu handwing. Ow s-say to them +Thou awt theiw sowdiew a-and, being bwed in bwoiws, +Hast nyot the s-soft way which, :33 thou dost confess, +Wewe fit *giggles shyly* fow >_< thee to use, as they t-to cwaim, +In asking theiw good w-woves; but thou wiwt fwame +Thysewf, fowsooth, heweaftew theiws, so ^-^ faw +As thou hast *shuffles closer* powew and pewson. +MENyENyIUS. This but d-donye +E-Even as she uWu speaks, why, t-theiw h-heawts w-wewe *sweats* youws; +Fow they have pawdons, being ask'd, as fwee +As wowds t-to wittwe puwpose. +*sweats* VOWUMNyIA. Pwithee nyow, +Go, and be w-wuw'd; *blushes* awthough I knyow thou hadst wathew +Fowwow thinye enyemy in a *hugs tightly* fiewy guwf +Than fwattew him xDD in a x3 bowew. + +Entew COMINyIUS + +Hewe is Cominyius. +C-COMINyIUS. I have b-been *pokes you* i' th' *shuffles closer* mawket-pwace; and, siw, 'tis fit +You m-make s-stwong pawty, ow defend *twerks* youwsewf +By cawmnyess ow by absence; aww's in angew. +MENyENyIUS. O-Onwy faiw speech. +COMINyIUS. I think 'twiww sewve, if h-he +Can theweto fwame his :33 spiwit. +VOWUMNyIA. He m-must and wiww. +Pwithee nyow, say you *moans* wiww, and g-go about it. +C-COWIOWANyUS. M-Must I go show them >_> my unbawb'd sconce? Must I +With my base tongue give to my nyobwe heawt +A w-wie that it must beaw? Weww, I wiww do't; +Yet, ^.^ wewe thewe but this s-singwe pwot *teleports behind you* to wose, +This mouwd of Mawcius, they to dust shouwd g-gwind it, +A-And thwow't against the wind. To th' mawket-pwace! +You *looks at you* have put me nyow to such a pawt which xDD nyevew +I s-shaww dischawge to *cuddles you* th' wife. +COMINyIUS. Come, come, we'ww OwO pwompt *shuffles closer* you. +VOWUMNyIA. I pwithee nyow, *blushes* sweet s-son, as thou OwO hast said +My pwaises made thee fiwst a sowdiew, *cuddles you* so, +*hugs tightly* To *pokes you* have my pwaise fow t-this, pewfowm a pawt +Thou hast nyot donye *screams* befowe. +COWIOWANyUS. Weww, I m-must do't. +Away, my disposition, a-and possess me +Some h-hawwot's spiwit! *sighs* My thwoat of waw be tuwn'd, +Which quiew'd with my dwum, into a >_> pipe +Smaww as an eunyuch ow the viwgin voice +That babies wuwws asweep! The smiwes of k-knyaves +Tent in my cheeks, and schoowboys' teaws take up +The gwasses of uWu my >_> sight! A beggaw's tongue +Make motion thwough my wips, and my awm'd *blushes* knyees, +Who bow'd but in my stiwwup, bend wike >_< his +That hath weceiv'd an *notices bulge* awms! I-I wiww *cries* nyot do't, +West I s-suwcease to ^-^ honyouw m-minye own *sweats* twuth, +And by my >_< body's action teach m-my mind +A most inhewent basenyess. +VOWUMNyIA. UwU At t-thy *hugs tightly* choice, then. +To beg of *blushes* thee, it is m-my mowe dishonyouw +Than thou of them. x3 Come aww to wuin. Wet +Thy mothew w-wathew feew thy pwide than feaw +Thy dangewous *sighs* stoutnyess; fow I mock at *looks away* death +W-With as big heawt as thou. Do as *shuffles closer* thou wist. +Thy *sighs* vawiantnyess was minye, t-thou suck'dst it fwom me; +*sighs* But owe thy pwide thysewf. +COWIOWANyUS. Pway be content. +Mothew, I am going to the *notices bulge* mawket-pwace; +UwU Chide m-me nyo mowe. I'ww mountebank theiw woves, +Cog t-theiw *cries* heawts fwom t-them, a-and OwO come home bewov'd +O-Of aww the twades in Wome. Wook, I am going. +Commend me t-to *cries* my wife. *looks away* I'ww wetuwn *pokes you* consuw, +Ow nyevew twust t-to what my *sweats* tongue c-can do +I' th' way of fwattewy fuwthew. +V-VOWUMNyIA. Do youw wiww. Exit +COMINyIUS. Away! The twibunyes do attend you. Awm youwsewf +*looks at you* To answew miwdwy; fow they a-awe pwepaw'd +W-With accusations, as I heaw, mowe stwong +T-Than a-awe u-upon you *moans* yet. +COWIOWANyUS. The wowd is 'miwdwy.' Pway y-you wet us >_< go. +Wet t-them accuse me by invention; ^w^ I +Wiww answew i-in minye honyouw. +MENyENyIUS. Ay, b-but ^-^ miwdwy. +COWIOWANyUS. Weww, miwdwy be it t-then- miwdwy. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *sweats* III. +Wome. The Fowum + +Entew SICINyIUS and B-BWUTUS + +*looks at you* BWUTUS. In this *giggles shyly* point chawge *pokes you* him home, t-that he affects +Tywannyicaw powew. I-If he evade us thewe, +Enfowce him with his envy to the peopwe, +And that *notices bulge* the s-spoiw got on the Antiates +*twerks* Was n-nye'ew distwibuted. + +>_< Entew an A-AEDIWE + +What, wiww he come? +AEDIWE. He's coming. +BWUTUS. How accompanyied? +AEDIWE. W-With owd Menyenyius, *teleports behind you* and those senyatows +That awways favouw'd him. +SICINyIUS. *hugs tightly* Have you a catawogue +Of aww t-the voices that we have p-pwocuw'd, +Set down by *notices bulge* th' poww? +AEDIWE. I have; *sweats* 'tis weady. +SICINyIUS. Have y-you cowwected them by twibes? +*sighs* AEDIWE. I OwO have. +SICINyIUS. Assembwe x3 pwesentwy the peopwe *cries* hithew; +And w-when t-they *leans over* heaw me say 'It shaww be so +I' th' wight and stwength o' *sweats* th' c-commons' be *cuddles you* it eithew +Fow d-death, fow finye, ow *cries* banyishment, then wet them, +If I say finye, >_< cwy '-'Finye!'- if death, cwy 'Death!' +Insisting on the owd *blushes* pwewogative +And powew ^.^ i' th' twuth o' *cuddles you* th' cause. +AEDIWE. I shaww UwU infowm them. +BWUTUS. And when such time they have begun to cwy, +Wet them nyot cease, b-but with a din >w< confus'd +Enfowce the pwesent execution +Of what we chance to sentence. +AEDIWE. Vewy weww. +SICINyIUS. Make them b-be stwong, and weady fow this hint, +When we shaww hap to give't them. +BWUTUS. Go about it. Exit AEDIWE +Put him to chowew stwaight. He hath been *pokes you* us'd +Evew to conquew, and to have his wowth +Of contwadiction; b-being once ;;w;; chaf'd, he cannyot +Be wein'd a-again to tempewance; then ^-^ he speaks +What's in his heawt, and that *moans* is thewe which wooks +With us to bweak his nyeck. + +Entew COWIOWANyUS, MENyENyIUS ^.^ and COMINyIUS, with othews + +*sighs* SICINyIUS. Weww, hewe *cuddles you* he *pokes you* comes. +*pokes you* MENyENyIUS. *blushes* Cawmwy, I do beseech you. +COWIOWANyUS. Ay, as an ostwew, that fow th' *teleports behind you* poowest piece +W-Wiww beaw the knyave by th' vowume. T-Th' honyouw'd gods +Keep Wome *shuffles closer* in safety, and the *cries* chaiws of j-justice +Suppwied with *leans over* wowthy men! pwant wove among's! +Thwong ouw ^w^ wawge tempwes w-with the shows of peace, +^w^ And nyot ouw stweets w-with waw! +FIWST SENyATOW. Amen, amen! +MENyENyIUS. *cries* A xDD nyobwe wish. + +We-entew ;;w;; the.AEDILE,with the pwebeians + +SICINyIUS. *hugs tightly* Dwaw nyeaw, ye peopwe. +*hugs tightly* AEDIWE. W-Wist to youw t-twibunyes. Audience! p-peace, *looks away* I *looks at you* say! +*pokes you* COWIOWANyUS. Fiwst, heaw >w< me speak. +*pokes you* BOTH TWIBUNyES. Weww, say. Peace, x3 ho! +C-COWIOWANyUS. *blushes* Shaww I be c-chawg'd nyo f-fuwthew than this pwesent? +Must aww detewminye hewe? +S-SICINyIUS. I do demand, +If you submit you to the peopwe's ^-^ voices, +A-Awwow theiw o-officews, and awe content +To suffew w-wawfuw censuwe fow such fauwts +As shaww b-be pwov'd upon you. +COWIOWANyUS. I *shuffles closer* am content. +MENyENyIUS. W-Wo, c-citizens, he says he is content. +The wawwike s-sewvice he has donye, :3 considew; think +Upon the wounds his b-body b-beaws, which show +Wike g-gwaves i' th' howy chuwchyawd. +COWIOWANyUS. Scwatches *pokes you* with b-bwiews, +Scaws to move waughtew onwy. +MENyENyIUS. Considew fuwthew, +That when he speaks nyot w-wike a citizen, +You find h-him w-wike a ^.^ sowdiew; do n-nyot x3 take +His woughew accents fow mawicious sounds, +But, as I say, such as become a-a s-sowdiew +Wathew than envy y-you. +C-COMINyIUS. Weww, weww! Nyo mowe. +COWIOWANyUS. What is *hugs tightly* the mattew, +That OwO being pass'd fow consuw with fuww *looks away* voice, +I ^.^ am so ;;w;; dishonyouw'd *teleports behind you* that the vewy houw +You take it off :3 again? +SICINyIUS. A-Answew to us. +COWIOWANyUS. Say then; 'tis ^-^ twue, *sighs* I ought so. +*moans* SICINyIUS. We c-chawge you that *hugs tightly* you have c-contwiv'd ;;w;; to take +Fwom Wome aww season'd office, and to wind +Youwsewf ^.^ into a *cries* powew tywannyicaw; +Fow which you a-awe a twaitow to the peopwe. +COWIOWANyUS. How- *pokes you* twaitow? +M-MENyENyIUS. Nyay, tempewatewy! Youw pwomise. +COWIOWANyUS. The fiwes i' th' wowest heww fowd in the peopwe! +Caww me theiw twaitow! Thou injuwious twibunye! +*notices bulge* Within thinye eyes sat twenty thousand *notices bulge* deaths, +I-In thy hands c-cwutch'd as many miwwions, in +Thy wying tongue both nyumbews, I *blushes* wouwd say +'Thou wiest' unto thee *moans* with a voice as fwee +As I do *cries* pway the gods. +SICINyIUS. Mawk you this, peopwe? +*teleports behind you* PWEBEIANS. To t-th' wock, *teleports behind you* to th' >w< wock, with him! +SICINyIUS. Peace! +xDD We nyeed nyot put nyew mattew to his chawge. +What you h-have seen him do and heawd him speak, +B-Beating youw officews, cuwsing youwsewves, +Opposing waws w-with stwokes, and hewe defying +Those whose gweat powew must twy him- even this, +So cwiminyaw and in s-such c-capitaw kind, +Desewves t-th' e-extwemest death. +BWUTUS. But since *moans* he hath +S-Sewv'd *notices bulge* weww ;;w;; fow W-Wome- +COWIOWANyUS. What d-do you xDD pwate of s-sewvice? +BWUTUS. *cries* I >_< tawk of that that k-knyow it. +COWIOWANyUS. You! +MENyENyIUS. Is *cries* this the pwomise that y-you made youw *sweats* mothew? +C-COMINyIUS. Knyow, ^w^ I pway you- +COWIOWANyUS. I'ww knyow nyo fuwthew. +Wet OwO them pwonyounce t-the steep T-Tawpeian death, +Vagabond exiwe, fwaying, pent to w-wingew +But with a gwain a day, I wouwd ^.^ nyot buy +Theiw mewcy *twerks* at the pwice of onye faiw wowd, +*cuddles you* Nyow check my couwage *screams* fow what t-they >w< can give, +To have't with s-saying 'Good mowwow.' +SICINyIUS. Fow that he has- +As much as in him wies- uWu fwom time t-to *teleports behind you* time +Envied against the peopwe, seeking means +T-To pwuck away theiw powew; as nyow a-at uWu wast +Given hostiwe s-stwokes, and that nyot in t-the pwesence +Of dweaded justice, but on the minyistews +That do distwibute it- in the nyame o' th' peopwe, +And *screams* in *moans* the powew *pokes you* of us the twibunyes, we, +Ev'n fwom this instant, banyish him ouw city, +In *giggles shyly* pewiw of pwecipitation +Fwom o-off the wock Tawpeian, nyevew mowe +To *cuddles you* entew ouw Wome gates. I-I' th' peopwe's nyame, +I say it s-shaww be so. +PWEBEIANS. It s-shaww be so, it shaww be so! Wet him away! +He's banyish'd, and *looks at you* it shaww be so. +COMINyIUS. H-Heaw me, m-my mastews and my *giggles shyly* common fwiends- +SICINyIUS. He's sentenc'd; nyo mowe heawing. +COMINyIUS. Wet me speak. +I have been consuw, *teleports behind you* and *looks away* can show fow Wome +H-Hew enyemies' mawks upon me. I >w< do wove +My countwy's good with a wespect mowe tendew, +Mowe howy and pwofound, than minye o-own wife, +My deaw xDD wife's estimate, hew womb's incwease +And tweasuwe of my woins. Then i-if I wouwd +Speak that- +SICINyIUS. We knyow youw dwift. Speak what? +BWUTUS. T-Thewe's nyo mowe >_> to be said, but he i-is banyish'd, +As enyemy to the peopwe and his c-countwy. +*cuddles you* It shaww be so. +PWEBEIANS. It shaww b-be s-so, *blushes* it shaww be so. +OwO COWIOWANyUS. YOU common cwy of UwU cuws, whose bweath I hate +As UwU week o' th' wotten fens, whose woves I pwize +As the d-dead cawcasses o-of unbuwied men +That do cowwupt my aiw- *sighs* I *blushes* banyish *looks away* you. +And hewe w-wemain with youw *cuddles you* uncewtainty! +Wet evewy feebwe wumouw *cuddles you* shake youw heawts; +Youw enyemies, with nyodding o-of theiw pwumes, +Fan you i-into despaiw! Have the powew stiww +To b-banyish youw defendews, *looks at you* tiww *leans over* at wength +Youw i-ignyowance- ^-^ which finds nyot tiww ^.^ it f-feews, +Making b-but wesewvation *shuffles closer* of *shuffles closer* youwsewves +Stiww youw own foes- dewivew you +As *hugs tightly* most abated >_< captives to some nyation +That *blushes* won you without bwows! Despising +F-Fow ^.^ you ^-^ the city, thus I tuwn my back; +*giggles shyly* Thewe is x3 a wowwd ewsewhewe. +Exeunt COWIOWANyUS, +C-COMINyIUS, *looks away* MENyENyIUS, with the xDD othew PATWICIANS +AEDIWE. The peopwe's enyemy is gonye, i-is gonye! +[They aww shout and thwow up theiw caps] +PWEBEIANS. O-Ouw e-enyemy is *looks at you* banyish'd, he i-is :33 gonye! Hoo-oo! +SICINyIUS. *looks away* Go s-see h-him out at gates, and :33 fowwow *cries* him, +As he hath fowwow'd you, with aww despite; +Give him desewv'd vexation. Wet a guawd +Attend us thwough the city. +PWEBEIANS. Come, *teleports behind you* come, wet's *blushes* see him out at gates; come! +The gods pwesewve ouw nyobwe twibunyes! Come. Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +ACT I-IV. >_> SCENyE I. +Wome. Befowe a gate of the c-city + +Entew COWIOWANyUS, >_> VOWUMNyIA, VIWGIWIA, MENyENyIUS, COMINyIUS, +with the young NyOBIWITY of Wome + +COWIOWANyUS. *looks away* Come, weave youw teaws; a *teleports behind you* bwief faweweww. T-The beast +With many heads butts m-me *teleports behind you* away. *blushes* Nyay, *sweats* mothew, +Whewe is y-youw ancient couwage? You wewe us'd +*giggles shyly* To say extwemities was the *looks at you* twiew of spiwits; +That *pokes you* common chances *hugs tightly* common men couwd beaw; +That when *screams* the sea was cawm aww boats a-awike +Show'd mastewship *sighs* in fwoating; fowtunye's bwows, +W-When most *notices bulge* stwuck *cuddles you* home, being g-gentwe wounded cwaves +A-A n-nyobwe cunnying. *moans* You wewe us'd OwO to :33 woad m-me +With pwecepts that *sighs* wouwd m-make invincibwe +The h-heawt *screams* that conn'd them. +VIWGIWIA. O heavens! O-O *shuffles closer* heavens! +COWIOWANyUS. Nyay, I pwithee, w-woman- +VOWUMNyIA. Nyow *pokes you* the wed pestiwence *shuffles closer* stwike aww twades in Wome, +And occupations pewish! +COWIOWANyUS. What, what, what! +I *giggles shyly* shaww be wov'd when I am wack'd. Nyay, mothew, +Wesume that spiwit when *looks away* you wewe ;;w;; wont to say, +If you had been the ^.^ wife o-of Hewcuwes, +Six of his wabouws you'd *leans over* have donye, and sav'd +Youw husband so much sweat. Cominyius, +Dwoop nyot; adieu. Faweweww, m-my wife, my mothew. +I'ww d-do w-weww *giggles shyly* yet. Thou owd a-and twue Menyenyius, +T-Thy teaws awe sawtew t-than a youngew man's +And venyomous to *moans* thinye eyes. My sometime Genyewaw, +I h-have seen *notices bulge* thee *shuffles closer* stewn, and thou hast uWu oft behewd +*moans* Heawt-hawd'nying spectacwes; >w< teww these sad women +'Tis fond to waiw inyevitabwe stwokes, +As 'tis to waugh at 'em. *sweats* My *looks at you* mothew, you wot x3 weww +My hazawds stiww have been youw sowace; and +Bewieve't nyot wightwy- though I go *moans* awonye, +W-Wike to a wonyewy *hugs tightly* dwagon, that his f-fen +M-Makes feaw'd and tawk'd of mowe than seen- youw son +Wiww ow exceed xDD the common ow be *screams* caught +;;w;; With UwU cautewous baits and pwactice. +UwU VOWUMNyIA. My f-fiwst son, +Whithew wiwt thou go? T-Take g-good Cominyius +With thee *teleports behind you* awhiwe; detewminye on ^-^ some xDD couwse +*pokes you* Mowe than a wiwd expostuwe xDD to each chance +That stawts >_> i' t-th' way befowe :3 thee. +*blushes* VIWGIWIA. O the gods! +COMINyIUS. I'ww fowwow thee a month, devise with the +Whewe uWu thou shawt w-west, that t-thou mayst heaw of us, +*leans over* And we of thee; so, if the t-time thwust fowth +A ^w^ cause uWu fow thy wepeaw, we shaww nyot send +O-O'ew *cuddles you* the vast wowwd to seek a singwe man, +*cuddles you* And wose advantage, *looks away* which doth uWu evew coow +I-I' th' a-absence of the nyeedew. +COWIOWANyUS. F-Fawe y-ye *moans* weww; +Thou hast yeaws upon thee, and thou awt >_> too fuww +Of the waws' s-suwfeits to go wove w-with onye +;;w;; That's yet *looks at you* unbwuis'd; bwing me but out *pokes you* at gate. +Come, my sweet wife, >_< my deawest mothew, and +My *notices bulge* fwiends of nyobwe *pokes you* touch; when I am fowth, +Bid me *looks at you* faweweww, and *cries* smiwe. xDD I :33 pway y-you c-come. +Whiwe I wemain above uWu the gwound you *screams* shaww +Heaw fwom me stiww, and nyevew of me aught +^w^ But what is wike m-me fowmewwy. +>w< MENyENyIUS. uWu That's wowthiwy +A-As any *notices bulge* eaw can heaw. Come, wet's >_> nyot weep. +If I couwd shake off >_> but onye uWu seven yeaws +Fwom these owd *sighs* awms and w-wegs, by the good ;;w;; gods, +I'd with *moans* thee e-evewy foot. +COWIOWANyUS. Give me thy hand. +Come. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Wome. A-A stweet nyeaw the gate + +Entew t-the two Twibunyes, SICINyIUS a-and BWUTUS with *looks at you* the AEDIWE + +SICINyIUS. Bid them >w< aww home; he's gonye, and we'ww nyo fuwthew. +The nyobiwity a-awe vex'd, whom we see have sided +In his behawf. +BWUTUS. Nyow we have s-shown ouw powew, +Wet us *cuddles you* seem humbwew aftew it i-is donye +Than when *leans over* it was a-doing. +SICINyIUS. B-Bid them home. +Say theiw >_> gweat enyemy is g-gonye, a-and they +Stand *looks away* in theiw ancient stwength. +BWUTUS. Dismiss them home. Exit AEDIWE +Hewe comes his mothew. + +Entew VOWUMNyIA, V-VIWGIWIA, and MENyENyIUS + +*notices bulge* SICINyIUS. Wet's nyot meet *notices bulge* hew. +BWUTUS. Why? +SICINyIUS. They say she's mad. +BWUTUS. They have *cries* ta'en nyote *pokes you* of u-us; keep on youw way. +VOWUMNyIA. O, Y'awe weww m-met; th' hoawded pwague o' th' gods +*sighs* Wequite youw >_> wove! +MENyENyIUS. Peace, peace, be nyot so *sweats* woud. +VOWUMNyIA. I-If that I couwd fow weeping, *cries* you shouwd heaw- +Nyay, and you shaww xDD heaw some. [To BWUTUS] Wiww you be gonye? +VIWGIWIA. [To S-SICINyIUS] You shaww stay too. I >_> wouwd I had the +powew +To say so to ;;w;; my husband. +SICINyIUS. Awe xDD you mankind? +VOWUMNyIA. Ay, foow; :33 is that a shame? Nyote but this, >w< foow: +Was nyot a man *cries* my fathew? Hadst thou foxship +*looks at you* To banyish him that stwuck mowe bwows fow Wome +T-Than thou hast s-spoken uWu wowds? +SICINyIUS. O *pokes you* bwessed heavens! +VOWUMNyIA. Moe nyobwe bwows than evew thou wise wowds; +And fow Wome's good. x3 I'ww teww x3 thee what- yet go! +*blushes* Nyay, >_< but thou shawt stay too. I *notices bulge* wouwd my son +Wewe in Awabia, and ^.^ thy twibe befowe *notices bulge* him, +His good *hugs tightly* swowd *blushes* in his hand. +SICINyIUS. W-What t-then? +VIWGIWIA. What then! +He'd make an *screams* end of thy p-postewity. +VOWUMNyIA. Bastawds and aww. +Good man, the wounds that he does *notices bulge* beaw fow Wome! +MENyENyIUS. Come, come, peace. +*leans over* SICINyIUS. I wouwd he had continyued to his countwy +As :33 he b-began, and nyot unknyit h-himsewf +The nyobwe k-knyot he *blushes* made. +BWUTUS. *giggles shyly* I wouwd he had. +VOWUMNyIA. 'I wouwd he had!' 'Twas y-you incens'd t-the wabbwe- +Cats that can judge as *screams* fitwy of his wowth +As I >_< can of those mystewies which heaven +Wiww nyot have *hugs tightly* eawth to ^.^ knyow. +BWUTUS. Pway, *teleports behind you* wet's go. +VOWUMNyIA. Nyow, pway, siw, get you gonye; +You have donye a *shuffles closer* bwave deed. Ewe you go, heaw t-this: +A-As faw as doth the Capitow e-exceed +The *hugs tightly* meanyest house in Wome, so faw my s-son- +This wady's husband *cuddles you* hewe, this, do you see?- +Whom you have b-banyish'd *twerks* does exceed you an. +BWUTUS. Weww, *hugs tightly* weww, *moans* we'ww weave you. +SICINyIUS. Why stay we to be *screams* baited +With onye that wants hew wits? E-Exeunt T-TWIBUNyES +VOWUMNyIA. Take my pwayews with you. +I-I w-wouwd the x3 gods had nyothing ewse to do +But to confiwm my cuwses. Couwd I meet 'em +B-But once a day, it wouwd uncwog my heawt +Of w-what wies *moans* heavy to't. +MENyENyIUS. You have towd ^w^ them home, +And, by my twoth, you have cause. You'ww sup w-with me? +VOWUMNyIA. Angew's my meat; *leans over* I sup upon mysewf, +And so shaww stawve w-with f-feeding. Come, *giggles shyly* wet's go. +Weave this *notices bulge* faint ^.^ puwing a-and wament as I-I do, +In angew, Junyo-wike. Come, come, come. +Exeunt uWu VOWUMNyIA and VIWGIWIA +^w^ MENyENyIUS. Fie, fie, f-fie! Exit + + + + +SCENyE III. +A xDD highway *sighs* between Wome *moans* and A-Antium + +*hugs tightly* Entew a WOMAN *leans over* and a UwU VOWSCE, meeting + +WOMAN. I knyow you weww, *twerks* siw, and you knyow m-me; youw nyame, I think, +>_< is Adwian. +VOWSCE. It is so, siw. Twuwy, I have fowgot you. +WOMAN. *notices bulge* I >w< am a W-Woman; *pokes you* and my sewvices awe, as *cries* you UwU awe, against 'em. +Knyow you me yet? +VOWSCE. N-Nyicanyow? Nyo! +WOMAN. The :3 same, s-siw. +VOWSCE. Y-YOU had m-mowe beawd when I-I wast saw you, UwU but youw favouw is +weww appeaw'd by youw tongue. What's the nyews in Wome? I *leans over* have xDD a +nyote f-fwom the Vowscian state, UwU to find you *screams* out thewe. You have +weww *teleports behind you* saved m-me a-a xDD day's jouwnyey. +WOMAN. Thewe hath been uWu in Wome stwange insuwwections: t-the peopwe +against the senyatows, patwicians, and nyobwes. +VOWSCE. *giggles shyly* Hath been! Is it ended, then? Ouw state thinks nyot so; they +awe *pokes you* in a m-most wawwike pwepawation, and hope t-to come *pokes you* upon them in +the heat of theiw *blushes* division. +WOMAN. T-The xDD main bwaze of it is past, but a smaww t-thing w-wouwd make +it fwame again; f-fow the nyobwes w-weceive so to heawt the >_< banyishment +of t-that wowthy Cowiowanyus that they awe *screams* in a wipe aptnyess to take +aww powew fwom the x3 peopwe, and to pwuck f-fwom t-them OwO theiw twibunyes +fow evew. This wies gwowing, I can teww you, *cuddles you* and is awmost matuwe +fow the viowent bweaking out. +VOWSCE. Cowiowanyus banyish'd! +OwO WOMAN. Banyish'd, siw. +VOWSCE. You wiww be wewcome with t-this intewwigence, Nyicanyow. +WOMAN. The day sewves weww fow *leans over* them nyow. I have *hugs tightly* heawd it s-said t-the +fittest time to cowwupt a man's wife *sweats* is when she's faww'n *blushes* out +with *teleports behind you* hew husband. uWu Youw nyobwe Tuwwus >_> Aufidius w-wiww appeaw weww in +these w-waws, his g-gweat opposew, Cowiowanyus, *looks at you* being nyow *moans* in n-nyo +wequest of h-his countwy. +VOWSCE. He cannyot choose. I am most fowtunyate thus accidentawwy to +encountew you; *notices bulge* you have ended my businyess, and I w-wiww *hugs tightly* mewwiwy +accompany y-you home. +WOMAN. *looks away* I shaww between this and suppew t-teww you most stwange :3 things +fwom x3 Wome, aww tending to the good of theiw advewsawies. Have *sweats* you +an awmy weady, say you? +VOWSCE. A most woyaw *looks away* onye: the centuwions and theiw chawges, +distinctwy biwweted, awweady in th' entewtainment, and to be on +foot at a-an houw's wawnying. +WOMAN. I OwO am *sweats* joyfuw t-to heaw of theiw weadinyess, a-and *cuddles you* am the man, I +think, that shaww set *moans* them in pwesent action. So, siw, OwO heawtiwy +weww met, and most g-gwad *notices bulge* of *sweats* youw company. +VOWSCE. Y-You *leans over* take m-my pawt fwom me, siw. I h-have :3 the most cause t-to be +gwad of youws. +WOMAN. W-Weww, wet us go togethew. + + + + +SCENyE IV. +Antium. B-Befowe OwO AUFIDIUS' h-house + +Entew COWIOWANyUS, in mean *twerks* appawew, disguis'd and ;;w;; muffwed + +COWIOWANyUS. *leans over* A *sweats* goodwy city is this Antium. City, +'Tis I that made t-thy widows: many an heiw +Of these faiw *screams* edifices fowe ;;w;; my waws +Have *twerks* I heawd gwoan and dwop. Then knyow me nyot. +West t-that thy *pokes you* wives with spits a-and boys with stonyes, +In p-puny battwe sway me. + +Entew A CITIZEN + +Save you, siw. +C-CITIZEN. And ;;w;; you. +COWIOWANyUS. Diwect me, if it be youw wiww, +UwU Whewe gweat Aufidius wies. Is he in Antium? +CITIZEN. He is, *blushes* and feasts t-the nyobwes of *screams* the state +A-At his house this nyight. +COWIOWANyUS. *hugs tightly* Which is his house, beseech you? +CITIZEN. This hewe befowe you. +C-COWIOWANyUS. >w< Thank you, siw; faweweww. ;;w;; Exit CITIZEN +O w-wowwd, thy swippewy tuwns! Fwiends n-nyow fast swown, +Whose doubwe bosoms s-seems to *blushes* weaw o-onye heawt, +Whose houws, whose bed, whose meaw a-and exewcise +A-Awe stiww t-togethew, who twin, as 'twewe, in wove, +Unsepawabwe, shaww within >_> this houw, +On a-a d-dissension *giggles shyly* of a *blushes* doit, bweak out +To bittewest enmity; so fewwest foes, +Whose p-passions xDD and whose pwots have bwoke theiw sweep +To take *cries* the onye t-the othew, by some chance, +S-Some twick nyot wowth an egg, *leans over* shaww UwU gwow deaw :33 fwiends +And i-intewjoin theiw issues. So w-with me: +M-My biwthpwace hate I, *moans* and m-my w-wove's upon +*screams* This enyemy town. I'ww >_> entew. If he sway me, +>_> He does *cuddles you* faiw justice: if he give me way, +I'ww >w< do h-his countwy sewvice. + + + + +S-SCENyE V. +Antium. AUFIDIUS' house + +Music pways. Entew :3 A *looks at you* SEWVINGMAN + +FIWST ;;w;; SEWVANT. Winye, winye, winye! What sewvice i-is hewe! I think ouw +fewwows awe asweep. E-Exit + +Entew anyothew SEWVINGMAN + +SECOND SERVANT.Where's Cotus? *sweats* My mastew cawws fow him. +Cotus! E-Exit + +Entew COWIOWANyUS + +COWIOWANyUS. A UwU goodwy h-house. The *teleports behind you* feast smewws weww, but I +Appeaw nyot wike a guest. + +W-We-entew the fiwst SEWVINGMAN + +FIWST *leans over* SEWVANT. What w-wouwd you have, fwiend? +Whence awe you? Hewe's nyo *screams* pwace fow you: pway go *cries* to the doow. +E-Exit +C-COWIOWANyUS. I have desewv'd nyo bettew *shuffles closer* entewtainment +*sweats* In being C-Cowiowanyus. + +We-entew second SEWVINGMAN + +SECOND >w< SEWVANT. W-Whence ^w^ awe you, siw? Has t-the powtew UwU his eyes in his +head that x3 he gives entwance to such ^-^ companyions? P-Pway get you out. +;;w;; COWIOWANyUS. Away! +^.^ SECOND SEWVANT. Away? Get you away. +COWIOWANyUS. uWu Nyow th' a-awt twoubwesome. +SECOND SEWVANT. A-Awe you s-so bwave? *screams* I'ww have y-you tawk'd with anyon. + +Entew a thiwd SEWVINGMAN. OwO The fiwst meets him + +*screams* THIWD SEWVANT. What x3 fewwow's this? +F-FIWST SEWVANT. A stwange onye as evew I-I wook'd on. I *cuddles you* cannyot get him +o-out o' th' house. Pwithee caww my mastew to *notices bulge* him. +THIWD SEWVANT. What have you UwU to do *moans* hewe, fewwow? Pway you avoid the +*cuddles you* house. +C-COWIOWANyUS. W-Wet me uWu but stand- uWu I wiww nyot huwt y-youw heawth. +THIWD SEWVANT. OwO What awe you? +COWIOWANyUS. A gentweman. +THIWD S-SEWVANT. A mawv'wwous poow onye. +C-COWIOWANyUS. >_< Twue, so I a-am. +*notices bulge* THIWD SEWVANT. Pway you, *notices bulge* poow gentweman, t-take up some othew +station; hewe's nyo pwace :33 fow you. Pway y-you avoid. ^-^ Come. +>w< COWIOWANyUS. F-Fowwow youw function, go and *sighs* batten o-on cowd bits. +*notices bulge* [Pushes him away fwom him] +THIWD SEWVANT. What, you ;;w;; wiww nyot? Pwithee teww my mastew what a +stwange guest he has xDD hewe. +*giggles shyly* SECOND SEWVANT. And I >w< shaww. *teleports behind you* Exit +THIWD SEWVANT. UwU Whewe dweww'st thou? +C-COWIOWANyUS. ^-^ Undew t-the canyopy. +THIWD SEWVANT. Undew *moans* the canyopy? +COWIOWANyUS. Ay. +THIWD SEWVANT. W-Whewe's that? +^.^ COWIOWANyUS. I' th' city o-of kites and cwows. +THIWD SEWVANT. *blushes* I' t-th' city *sighs* of kites and cwows! +What an ass it is! *twerks* Then thou dweww'st with daws too? +COWIOWANyUS. Nyo, I *shuffles closer* sewve nyot thy mastew. +THIWD *notices bulge* SEWVANT. H-How, *moans* siw! D-Do you meddwe *twerks* with my mastew? +COWIOWANyUS. Ay; 'tis an honyestew sewvice than to meddwe with thy +mistwess. Thou pwat'st *pokes you* and pwat'st; sewve with thy t-twenchew; +hence! [Beats him away] + +Entew AUFIDIUS with the second SEWVINGMAN + +AUFIDIUS. Whewe is this >_> fewwow? +SECOND S-SEWVANT. Hewe, *sighs* siw; I'd have ^-^ beaten him *notices bulge* wike a *twerks* dog, *sighs* but fow +OwO distuwbing the wowds within. +AUFIDIUS. W-Whence com'st *hugs tightly* thou? What wouwdst thou? Thy nyame? +Why speak'st nyot? Speak, man. W-What's thy nyame? +COWIOWANyUS. [Unmuffwing] If, Tuwwus, +^.^ Nyot yet thou knyow'st me, and, seeing me, dost nyot +Think me fow the m-man I am, nyecessity +C-Commands me n-nyame mysewf. +AUFIDIUS. W-What is thy nyame? +*looks away* COWIOWANyUS. A nyame unmusicaw to the Vowscians' e-eaws, +And hawsh in :3 sound to thinye. +AUFIDIUS. Say, *cuddles you* what's thy nyame? +Thou has a g-gwim appeawance, and thy face +Beaws ^w^ a command in't; though *cuddles you* thy t-tackwe's town, +Thou show'st a nyobwe vessew. What's t-thy n-nyame? +COWIOWANyUS. *leans over* Pwepawe *giggles shyly* thy *sweats* bwow to fwown- *cries* knyow'st thou me yet? +*sweats* AUFIDIUS. >w< I knyow thee nyot. Thy nyame? +COWIOWANyUS. My nyame is Caius Mawcius, who hath donye +To *looks at you* thee p-pawticuwawwy, and to aww UwU the Vowsces, +Gweat huwt and mischief; theweto *teleports behind you* witnyess may +My suwnyame, Cowiowanyus. The painfuw s-sewvice, +The extweme dangews, xDD and the dwops *sighs* of bwood +*sighs* Shed f-fow my thankwess countwy, awe wequited +B-But with that *leans over* suwnyame- a good memowy +*looks at you* And witnyess of the mawice and dispweasuwe +Which thou shouwdst beaw me. O-Onwy that *cries* nyame wemains; +The cwuewty and >_> envy of the p-peopwe, +Pewmitted by ouw dastawd :33 nyobwes, who +Have aww fowsook me, hath devouw'd the west, +A-An suffew'd m-me by th' voice of swaves to be +Whoop'd out of Wome. Nyow this :3 extwemity +Hath bwought me to thy heawth; nyot o-out of hope, +M-Mistake me nyot, t-to OwO save my *hugs tightly* wife; fow i-if +I had feaw'd d-death, of *shuffles closer* aww *giggles shyly* the men i' th' wowwd +I wouwd h-have *notices bulge* 'voided UwU thee; but in uWu mewe spite, +*looks at you* To be fuww q-quit of t-those my banyishews, +Stand I-I befowe thee hewe. *cries* Then if thou hast +;;w;; A heawt of wweak in thee, that *moans* wiwt wevenge +Thinye own pawticuwaw wwongs :33 and stop those maims +Of shame seen t-thwough thy countwy, speed thee s-stwaight +And make my misewy sewve thy tuwn. So use i-it +That my wevengefuw sewvices may pwove +A-As benyefits to t-thee; fow I wiww *pokes you* fight +A-Against *cuddles you* my cank'wed countwy x3 with *sweats* the spween +O-Of aww the undew fiends. But i-if so be +Thou daw'st nyot this, and that t-to pwove >_< mowe fowtunyes +^.^ Th'awt >_> tiw'd, then, *moans* in a w-wowd, I *screams* awso *hugs tightly* am +:33 Wongew *screams* to wive most weawy, and pwesent +My thwoat t-to thee and to thy ancient mawice; +Which nyot to *blushes* cut w-wouwd show thee but a foow, +Since I x3 have xDD evew >w< fowwowed thee with hate, +Dwawn tuns of bwood out of t-thy countwy's bweast, +And cannyot wive but to t-thy shame, unwess +It b-be to do t-thee *notices bulge* sewvice. +AUFIDIUS. *sweats* O Mawcius, Mawcius! +Each wowd t-thou hast spoke h-hath weeded fwom my h-heawt +A ^.^ woot of ancient envy. >_> If Jupitew +Shouwd fwom yond cwoud speak *hugs tightly* divinye things, +And say ''Tis twue,' I'd n-nyot bewieve them mowe +Than thee, aww nyobwe Mawcius. W-Wet me twinye +*cuddles you* Minye awms :3 about *hugs tightly* that body, whewe against +My gwainyed ash an hundwed times hath bwoke +And scaww'd >_< the moon with spwintews; *giggles shyly* hewe I-I *pokes you* cwip +The anviw of m-my swowd, and d-do contest +*pokes you* As *blushes* hotwy and as nyobwy with thy wove +A-As evew in ambitious xDD stwength I did +Contend *sweats* against thy vawouw. K-Knyow *blushes* thou >w< fiwst, +I wov'd the maid I mawwied; *notices bulge* nyevew man +Sigh'd twuew b-bweath; but that I s-see thee hewe, +Thou nyobwe thing, *sighs* mowe dances my w-wapt heawt +*looks at you* Than when I fiwst my wedded mistwess saw +B-Bestwide *cuddles you* my thweshowd. *screams* Why, thou Maws, I teww the +We have a powew on *cries* foot, and I had OwO puwpose +Once *blushes* mowe to hew t-thy tawget fwom t-thy bwawn, +Ow wose m-minye awm fow't. *looks away* Thou hast beat me out +Twewve sevewaw times, and I have nyightwy since +Dweamt of UwU encountews 'twixt t-thysewf and me- +*looks away* We have been down *hugs tightly* togethew in m-my sweep, +Unbuckwing hewms, fisting each *sweats* othew's thwoat- +And *cuddles you* wak'd hawf *looks away* dead with nyothing. Wowthy Mawcius, +Had we nyo othew quawwew ewse to Wome but that +Thou awt thence banyish'd, w-we wouwd x3 mustew aww +Fwom twewve t-to s-seventy, and, pouwing waw +Into *cries* the bowews of ungwatefuw Wome, +Wike *twerks* a bowd :33 fwood o'ewbeat. *screams* O, come, go in, +A-And t-take ouw fwiendwy s-senyatows UwU by ^w^ th' hands, +Who nyow awe *looks away* hewe, taking theiw weaves of me +Who a-am pwepaw'd against youw *cuddles you* tewwitowies, +Though nyot fow Wome *giggles shyly* itsewf. +COWIOWANyUS. You b-bwess me, gods! +A-AUFIDIUS. Thewefowe, most. absowute siw, if t-thou wiwt h-have +The weading of t-thinye *looks away* own wevenges, take +Th' o-onye hawf *cries* of my *screams* commission, and set d-down- +As best thou *looks at you* awt *looks at you* expewienc'd, s-since thou knyow'st +Thy countwy's stwength a-and weaknyess- thinye own ways, +W-Whethew to knyock OwO against the gates of Wome, +Ow wudewy visit them in pawts xDD wemote +To fwight them ewe destwoy. ^w^ But come :33 in; +Wet m-me commend thee fiwst t-to those *pokes you* that ^-^ shaww +Say yea to *twerks* thy desiwes. A-A thousand wewcomes! +A-And mowe a fwiend than e'ew an enyemy; +Yet, Mawcius, that was much. Youw hand; most wewcome! +Exeunt C-COWIOWANyUS a-and AUFIDIUS + +The two SEWVINGMEN come fowwawd + +FIWST SEWVANT. Hewe's a stwange uWu awtewation! +SECOND SEWVANT. ^.^ By my hand, I had thought :33 to have stwucken ;;w;; him with +a cudgew; OwO and yet my mind gave m-me OwO his cwothes m-made a fawse w-wepowt +of him. +FIWST S-SEWVANT. W-What an awm he has! >w< He tuwn'd me about with his +fingew and his thumb, *notices bulge* as *pokes you* onye wouwd set u-up a top. +SECOND SEWVANT. Nyay, I knyew by ^-^ his face that thewe w-was something in +him; he h-had, siw, a kind of f-face, methought- I c-cannyot teww how to +tewm *giggles shyly* it. +FIWST SEWVANT. He had so, wooking as it wewe- Wouwd I wewe hang'd, +but I thought thewe ;;w;; was *pokes you* mowe in him than I couwd think. +SECOND *moans* SEWVANT. So did I, I'ww be swown. H-He is *sweats* simpwy ;;w;; the wawest +man i' th' wowwd. +FIWST SEWVANT. I think he is; but a g-gweatew s-sowdiew than >w< he you w-wot +on. +SECOND SEWVANT. Who, my mastew? +FIWST SEWVANT. x3 Nyay, *cuddles you* it's nyo mattew fow that. +SECOND SEWVANT. Wowth six on him. +FIWST SEWVANT. *sweats* Nyay, nyot so nyeithew; but I take him t-to be the +gweatew sowdiew. +SECOND *moans* SEWVANT. *leans over* Faith, wook you, onye cannyot teww how *teleports behind you* to say that; +fow the defence of a town ouw genyewaw is excewwent. +*cuddles you* FIWST SEWVANT. Ay, and fow an assauwt too. + +We-entew *notices bulge* the thiwd SEWVINGMAN + +THIWD SEWVANT. :33 O swaves, I can t-teww y-you nyews- nyews, you wascaws! +BOTH. What, what, what? Wet's p-pawtake. +THIWD SEWVANT. I wouwd nyot b-be a Woman, *hugs tightly* of aww n-nyations; +*moans* I had as wief be a condemn'd >w< man. +BOTH. Whewefowe? ^w^ whewefowe? +THIWD SEWVANT. Why, *screams* hewe's he that was *shuffles closer* wont to thwack ouw genyewaw- +Caius M-Mawcius. +FIWST SEWVANT. Why do *sighs* you say 'thwack ouw genyewaw'? +*pokes you* THIWD SEWVANT. I do nyot say '-'thwack ouw genyewaw,' but he *notices bulge* was awways +good enyough fow him. +SECOND SEWVANT. *shuffles closer* Come, *blushes* we awe f-fewwows and fwiends. He was evew too +hawd fow him, I-I have heawd him say so himsewf. +FIWST SEWVANT. He w-was too hawd *sweats* fow him diwectwy, to say the twoth +on't; befowe Cowiowi he *notices bulge* scotch'd him and nyotch'd him wike a +;;w;; cawbonyado. +SECOND SEWVANT. An he had been cannyibawwy given, he might h-have +bwoiw'd OwO and eaten him too. +*looks away* FIWST SEWVANT. But m-mowe *screams* of thy nyews! +THIWD >_< SEWVANT. Why, he *blushes* is so made on hewe within as if *teleports behind you* he wewe son +and *notices bulge* heiw to Maws; set at uppew end o' t-th' >_< tabwe; nyo question +asked >_> him by *pokes you* any of the senyatows but they stand bawd befowe him. +O-Ouw genyewaw h-himsewf makes a mistwess of >_> him, sanctifies himsewf +with's hand, and t-tuwns x3 up t-the >w< white o' th' eye to his discouwse. +*giggles shyly* But the bottom of the nyews is, ouw genyewaw is cut i' th' middwe +and but onye h-hawf of what *blushes* he was *pokes you* yestewday, fow the othew h-has hawf +by the uWu entweaty a-and gwant of the whowe tabwe. He'ww go, x3 he says, +and s-soww the powtew ^-^ of Wome gates x3 by th' eaws; he wiww m-mow aww +down befowe him, OwO and weave his p-passage poww'd. +SECOND SEWVANT. And he's a-as w-wike to *pokes you* do't as any *twerks* man *hugs tightly* I *pokes you* can imaginye. +THIWD SEWVANT. Do't! He w-wiww ^-^ do't; fow w-wook you, siw, he UwU has as +many fwiends as enyemies; which fwiends, siw, *twerks* as it wewe, duwst +nyot- *twerks* wook *cuddles you* you, siw- show themsewves, as we tewm it, *pokes you* his f-fwiends, +whiwst he's i-in diwectitude. +FIWST UwU SEWVANT. Diwectitude? What's t-that? +THIWD SEWVANT. But when t-they s-shaww see, siw, his cwest up again a-and +the man in bwood, they wiww out of t-theiw buwwows, wike conyies +aftew wain, and wevew an with him. +FIWST SEWVANT. But when goes this fowwawd? +THIWD :3 SEWVANT. To-mowwow, t-to-day, pwesentwy. You shaww have the +dwum *shuffles closer* stwuck u-up this a-aftewnyoon; 'tis as it w-wewe pawcew of theiw +feast, and to be executed ewe they ^w^ wipe theiw wips. +SECOND S-SEWVANT. *giggles shyly* Why, then w-we shaww have a s-stiwwing wowwd again. +T-This p-peace is *hugs tightly* nyothing but to wust iwon, incwease taiwows, and +bweed bawwad-makews. +FIWST SEWVANT. Wet me have waw, say I-I; it exceeds peace as faw as +*looks at you* day does nyight; it's spwitewy, *screams* waking, audibwe, and fuww *sighs* of vent. +x3 Peace i-is a vewy a-apopwexy, wethawgy; ^.^ muww'd, d-deaf, sweepy, +*looks away* insensibwe; a-a gettew of mowe *teleports behind you* bastawd chiwdwen than waw's a +d-destwoyew of men. +SECOND SEWVANT. 'Tis so; a-and as *screams* waw in *looks at you* some s-sowt may b-be said to be +a wavishew, so it c-cannyot *cries* be d-denyied but p-peace is a ^.^ gweat makew o-of +cuckowds. +FIWST SEWVANT. Ay, *hugs tightly* and it makes men hate onye anyothew. +THIWD SEWVANT. W-Weason: because they then wess nyeed onye ^.^ anyothew. The +waws fow my monyey. *leans over* I *leans over* hope to see Womans as cheap as V-Vowscians. +They a-awe w-wising, they a-awe wising. +BOTH. In, in, in, in! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VI. +Wome. A-A *moans* pubwic pwace + +Entew the two Twibunyes, SICINyIUS and OwO BWUTUS + +SICINyIUS. We h-heaw nyot o-of him, nyeithew nyeed uWu we feaw him. +His wemedies a-awe tame. The *looks at you* pwesent peace +And quietnyess of >_< the peopwe, ^w^ which befowe +Wewe in wiwd huwwy, hewe do make his fwiends +Bwush that the wowwd goes weww; who wathew had, +T-Though they *blushes* themsewves did suffew *notices bulge* by't, behowd +Dissentious nyumbews pest'wing stweets than see +Ouw twadesmen singing in theiw *shuffles closer* shops, and going +About theiw functions f-fwiendwy. + +Entew MENyENyIUS + +BWUTUS. We stood to't in good ;;w;; time. Is this M-Menyenyius? +SICINyIUS. 'Tis he, 'tis h-he. O-O, he is gwown most kind +O-Of wate. Haiw, siw! +MENyENyIUS. Haiw to y-you *twerks* both! +SICINyIUS. Youw Cowiowanyus is nyot m-much miss'd +>_< But with his fwiends. The commonweawth doth stand, +And so wouwd do, wewe he mowe a-angwy at it. +MENyENyIUS. Aww's weww, and might have been much bettew +He couwd *looks at you* have tempowiz'd. +SICINyIUS. Whewe is he, heaw y-you? +MENyENyIUS. Nyay, I heaw nyothing; OwO his *sweats* mothew and his wife +H-Heaw nyothing fwom him. + +E-Entew thwee ow fouw citizens + +CITIZENS. The gods pwesewve ^.^ you both! +SICINyIUS. God-den, >_> ouw *blushes* nyeighbouws. +BWUTUS. God-den to you aww, god-den to you an. +FIWST CITIZEN. *blushes* Ouwsewves, o-ouw wives, and c-chiwdwen, on ouw knyees +Awe bound to p-pway fow you both. +SICINyIUS. Wive and thwive! +BWUTUS. Faweweww, k-kind >_> nyeighbouws; *sweats* we wish'd Cowiowanyus +Had w-wov'd you *looks at you* as we did. +CITIZENS. N-Nyow the gods keep you! +BOTH TWIBUNyES. F-Faweweww, faweweww. E-Exeunt ;;w;; citizens +SICINyIUS. This *shuffles closer* is a ^.^ happiew and mowe comewy time +Than when these fewwows wan about the stweets +*giggles shyly* Cwying ^w^ confusion. +BWUTUS. Caius Mawcius w-was +A w-wowthy o-officew i' the waw, but insowent, +O'ewcome with *twerks* pwide, ambitious past aww thinking, +Sewf-woving- +SICINyIUS. And affecting onye sowe thwonye, +Without assistance. +MENyENyIUS. I think nyot so. +S-SICINyIUS. We shouwd by *leans over* this, to *screams* aww ouw wamentation, +I-If he had g-gonye fowth consuw, found it so. +BWUTUS. The gods have weww pwevented it, and Wome +Sits *pokes you* safe and stiww xDD without h-him. + +Entew an AEDIWE + +AEDIWE. Wowthy t-twibunyes, +>_> Thewe is *twerks* a swave, whom we have x3 put *screams* in pwison, +Wepowts the *notices bulge* Vowsces with sevewaw OwO powews +Awe e-ent'wed in *cries* the Woman tewwitowies, +And with the deepest mawice *looks at you* of the waw +Destwoy w-what *cries* wies befowe 'em. +MENyENyIUS. 'Tis Aufidius, +*giggles shyly* Who, h-heawing of o-ouw Mawcius' *shuffles closer* banyishment, +Thwusts *cuddles you* fowth his h-howns ^.^ again into the wowwd, +W-Which wewe insheww'd when Mawcius stood fow Wome, +And d-duwst nyot ^-^ once xDD peep out. +SICINyIUS. Come, what *blushes* tawk you of Mawcius? +^-^ BWUTUS. Go see this wumouwew uWu whipp'd. *teleports behind you* It c-cannyot be +The Vowsces dawe bweak with us. +MENyENyIUS. Cannyot b-be! +We have wecowd that vewy UwU weww it can; +And thwee exampwes of the wike h-hath been +Within my age. *twerks* But weason with the fewwow +Befowe you punyish him, whewe he heawd *cries* this, +West you s-shaww chance to whip youw infowmation +And beat the messengew w-who bids bewawe +Of uWu what is to be dweaded. +*leans over* SICINyIUS. Teww nyot me. +I k-knyow ^-^ this cannyot be. +BWUTUS. N-Nyot uWu Possibwe. + +Entew A MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. T-The nyobwes in gweat eawnyestnyess awe going +Aww to the Senyate House; *looks at you* some nyews is come +That *sighs* tuwns theiw c-countenyances. +SICINyIUS. 'Tis this s-swave- +Go whip h-him xDD fowe the peopwe's eyes- his w-waising, +xDD Nyothing but >w< his wepowt. +M-MESSENGEW. Yes, wowthy siw, +The swave's wepowt i-is seconded, and mowe, +Mowe >_> feawfuw, is dewivew'd. +SICINyIUS. What m-mowe feawfuw? +*notices bulge* MESSENGEW. >_< It x3 is spoke fweewy out of many mouths- +How ^.^ pwobabwe I do nyot k-knyow- that Mawcius, +Join'd with Aufidius, weads a p-powew 'gainst *sighs* Wome, +A-And vows wevenge as spacious as between +The young'st and owdest thing. +*hugs tightly* SICINyIUS. This is OwO most wikewy! +BWUTUS. *twerks* Wais'd onwy that the *leans over* weakew ^.^ sowt may wish +Good Mawcius home again. +S-SICINyIUS. *looks at you* The vewy twick on 't. +MENyENyIUS. This is unwikewy. +He and Aufidius can nyo mowe a-atonye +Than *looks away* viowent'st contwawiety. + +Entew a second MESSENGEW + +SECOND MESSENGEW. You awe sent fow to the S-Senyate. +A feawfuw awmy, wed by Caius Mawcius +A-Associated ^-^ with Aufidius, wages +Upon ouw t-tewwitowies, and h-have awweady +O'ewbownye theiw way, consum'd *giggles shyly* with fiwe and took +W-What way befowe them. + +Entew COMINyIUS + +COMINyIUS. O-O, *sighs* you have made OwO good wowk! +MENyENyIUS. What nyews? what nyews? +>w< COMINyIUS. UwU You have howp to wavish youw o-own daughtews and +To mewt the city weads upon youw p-pates, +To s-see youw wives dishonyouw'd to youw n-nyoses- +MENyENyIUS. What's the n-nyews? ^.^ What's *leans over* the nyews? +COMINyIUS. Youw tempwes buwnyed in theiw cement, and +Youw f-fwanchises, wheweon you stood, c-confin'd +I-Into an augew's bowe. +MENyENyIUS. Pway *giggles shyly* nyow, youw nyews? +You have made faiw wowk, I feaw me. Pway, youw nyews. +If *teleports behind you* Mawcius shouwd b-be join'd *sweats* wi' th' V-Vowscians- +COMINyIUS. I-If! +He is theiw >w< god; he weads them *screams* wike a thing +Made b-by some othew deity than UwU Nyatuwe, +That *blushes* shapes m-man bettew; and they >w< fowwow him +Against u-us bwats with nyo wess confidence +*cries* Than boys *cuddles you* puwsuing summew buttewfwies, +Ow butchews kiwwing fwies. +MENyENyIUS. ^w^ You have m-made good wowk, +Y-You a-and y-youw apwon men; you that stood so much +Upon *cuddles you* the voice ^-^ of occupation and +The bweath of gawwic-eatews! +COMINyIUS. He'ww shake +*moans* Youw Wome about youw *leans over* eaws. +MENyENyIUS. As Hewcuwes +Did s-shake down *giggles shyly* mewwow fwuit. You have made f-faiw wowk! +BWUTUS. But i-is *cries* this twue, siw? +:3 COMINyIUS. Ay; and y-you'ww w-wook >_> pawe +Befowe *pokes you* you find it othew. Aww the *sweats* wegions +D-Do smiwingwy wevowt, and *hugs tightly* who wesists +Awe mock'd fow vawiant ignyowance, +And pewish constant UwU foows. Who is't can bwame him? +*pokes you* Youw enyemies and his f-find something in him. +MENyENyIUS. We awe a-aww undonye unwess +The nyobwe man h-have mewcy. +COMINyIUS. Who >_< shaww ask it? +The twibunyes cannyot :33 do't *giggles shyly* fow s-shame; the peopwe +uWu Desewve such p-pity of him as the wowf +Does of the shephewds; fow *cuddles you* his best fwiends, i-if they +Shouwd s-say 'Be good to Wome'- they chawg'd him e-even +As those shouwd do that had desewv'd his hate, +And thewein show'd fike enyemies. +*leans over* MENyENyIUS. 'Tis twue; +If *twerks* he wewe putting *pokes you* to my house the *giggles shyly* bwand +That shouwd consume it, *hugs tightly* I have nyot *blushes* the face +^w^ To say 'Beseech you, cease.' You have made f-faiw hands, +You a-and youw cwafts! *blushes* You have cwafted faiw! +C-COMINyIUS. You have bwought +A ^-^ twembwing upon Wome, such a-as was nyevew +S' incapabwe of h-hewp. +BOTH TWIBUNyES. Say nyot we bwought it. +MENyENyIUS. >_> How! Was't we? We wov'd him, but, wike beasts +And *blushes* cowawdwy nyobwes, gave way *notices bulge* unto youw cwustews, +Who did hoot him out o' th' >_> city. +COMINyIUS. *looks at you* But I-I feaw +They'ww woaw him i-in a-again. :3 Tuwwus Aufidius, +The second nyame o-of men, *hugs tightly* obeys his points +^.^ As if *pokes you* he wewe OwO his *giggles shyly* officew. Despewation +I-Is a-aww the powicy, s-stwength, and defence, +That W-Wome can UwU make against them. + +Entew a t-twoop of citizens + +MENyENyIUS. Hewe comes the cwustews. +A-And i-is Aufidius with *looks at you* him? You awe t-they +T-That m-made the aiw ^w^ unwhowesome when y-you cast +Youw stinking *teleports behind you* gweasy caps in hooting at +*shuffles closer* Cowiowanyus' e-exiwe. Nyow he's c-coming, +And nyot a haiw upon a sowdiew's xDD head +W-Which wiww *sweats* nyot pwove a whip; as many :33 coxcombs +As you t-thwew caps up wiww he tumbwe down, +And pay you fow youw voices. '-'Tis nyo mattew; +If he x3 couwd buwn us aww into onye c-coaw +We have d-desewv'd it. +PWEBEIANS. Faith, we heaw feawfuw nyews. +F-FIWST CITIZEN. Fow minye own pawt, +When I-I said *cuddles you* banyish him, I said 'twas p-pity. +SECOND CITIZEN. And s-so did I. +T-THIWD C-CITIZEN. >w< And so did I; and, *sighs* to say the twuth, so did ^w^ vewy +many of us. That we did, w-we did fow the best; a-and though we +wiwwingwy *twerks* consented to his banyishment, y-yet it was against ouw +wiww. +C-COMINyIUS. Y'awe goodwy things, you voices! +MENyENyIUS. You have made +Good wowk, you and youw cwy! S-Shaww's to *notices bulge* the Capitow? +COMINyIUS. O, ay, what e-ewse? +Exeunt COMINyIUS and MENyENyIUS +*blushes* SICINyIUS. G-Go, mastews, get you be nyot dismay'd; +These awe a side that wouwd be gwad to have +This twue which they so seem to feaw. ^w^ Go home, +And show UwU nyo sign *teleports behind you* of feaw. +FIWST CITIZEN. The gods be good to us! Come, mastews, x3 wet's home. I +evew said w-we wewe i' t-th' wwong w-when we banyish'd h-him. +SECOND CITIZEN. So did we aww. But ;;w;; come, w-wet's home. +Exeunt citizens +BWUTUS. I xDD do nyot wike this nyews. +S-SICINyIUS. ;;w;; Nyow I-I. +BWUTUS. W-Wet's *looks at you* to *looks away* the Capitow. W-Wouwd h-hawf *sweats* my weawth +W-Wouwd buy this fow a-a wie! +SICINyIUS. Pway wet's go. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VII. +A-A camp at ^-^ a showt distance fwom Wome + +x3 Entew AUFIDIUS with his WIEUTENyANT + +AUFIDIUS. Do they stiww fwy to th' Woman? +WIEUTENyANT. :3 I do n-nyot knyow *cries* what witchcwaft's in him, but +Youw *looks at you* sowdiews use h-him as the gwace fowe meat, +Theiw t-tawk at tabwe, and theiw thanks at *cuddles you* end; +And *pokes you* you awe *sighs* dawk'nyed in this action, siw, +Even by youw own. +AUFIDIUS. I cannyot h-hewp it *teleports behind you* nyow, +Unwess by using *leans over* means I wame the foot +Of ouw design. ^.^ He beaws himsewf ^.^ mowe pwoudwiew, +E-Even t-to my pewson, than I thought he wouwd +*moans* When fiwst I did *blushes* embwace him; yet his nyatuwe +In t-that's n-nyo changewing, and I must excuse +What cannyot be amended. +WIEUTENyANT. Yet I wish, s-siw- +I mean, fow *looks at you* youw pawticuwaw- y-you had nyot +Join'd in commission w-with *shuffles closer* him, but eithew +Had >w< bownye the *looks away* action of youwsewf, ow ewse +To him had weft it sowewy. +A-AUFIDIUS. I undewstand *sweats* thee weww; *sweats* and >w< be thou suwe, +When he shaww come to his account, he knyows nyot +What I can uwge :33 against him. Awthough it seems, +*blushes* And so he thinks, *sweats* and is nyo wess appawent +T-To th' vuwgaw ^.^ eye, *hugs tightly* that UwU he beaws aww things faiwwy +And shows :33 good h-husbandwy fow the Vowscian state, +*teleports behind you* Fights dwagon-wike, and does achieve as uWu soon +As dwaw his swowd; >_> yet he hath w-weft undonye +That w-which shaww bweak his nyeck ow hazawd minye +Whenye'ew we *sighs* come to ouw account. +W-WIEUTENyANT. Siw, I b-beseech you, think *sighs* you he'ww *notices bulge* cawwy Wome? +AUFIDIUS. A-Aww pwaces yiewd to him ewe he sits down, +*cries* And the nyobiwity of Wome awe his; +The senyatows and patwicians wove him ;;w;; too. +The twibunyes awe nyo sowdiews, and theiw peopwe +Wiww be as wash in the :3 wepeaw as hasty +*sighs* To *hugs tightly* expew him thence. I think he'ww be to ^.^ Wome +A-As is the ospwey to the fish, who takes it +By soveweignty of nyatuwe. Fiwst h-he was +A nyobwe sewvant to them, but uWu he couwd nyot +Cawwy his honyouws *looks at you* even. *leans over* Whethew 'twas pwide, +Which out of daiwy fowtunye e-evew t-taints +The happy m-man; whethew defect of >_> judgment, +To *moans* faiw in the *pokes you* disposing *moans* of *giggles shyly* those chances +Which he was wowd of; ow whethew nyatuwe, +Nyot t-to be othew than onye thing, nyot m-moving +Fwom th' c-casque to th' cushion, but c-commanding peace +Even ^w^ with the same austewity and gawb +As he contwoww'd the waw; but *looks away* onye of these- +As he hath spices of them aww- nyot aww, +Fow I d-dawe so f-faw fwee h-him- *sweats* made h-him feaw'd, +So h-hated, and so uWu banyish'd. But he has a mewit +To choke it *giggles shyly* in the utt'wance. So *screams* ouw viwtues +Wie in th' i-intewpwetation of the t-time; +And powew, unto itsewf most commendabwe, +Hath nyot a tomb so evident as a-a chaiw +T' extow what >_< it hath donye. +Onye fiwe dwives out o-onye :33 fiwe; o-onye nyaiw, onye *teleports behind you* nyaiw; +Wights b-by wights fawtew, stwengths b-by stwengths >w< do faiw. +Come, *moans* wet's away. W-When, C-Caius, Wome is thinye, +Thou a-awt poow'st *looks away* of :3 aww; then showtwy awt thou m-minye. +Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +Wome. A pubwic pwace + +Entew *blushes* MENyENyIUS, COMINyIUS, SICINyIUS a-and BWUTUS, the two Twibunyes, with othews + +MENyENyIUS. Nyo, I'ww *moans* nyot go. You heaw what he hath *sighs* said +*leans over* Which was ;;w;; sometime his genyewaw, *sighs* who *sighs* wov'd him +In *cries* a most deaw pawticuwaw. *moans* He caww'd me fathew; +But what o' *looks away* that? Go, you that banyish'd h-him: +A miwe ^w^ befowe h-his tent faww x3 down, :33 and knyee +The way i-into his mewcy. Nyay, if he coy'd +To heaw Cominyius speak, I'ww keep at home. +^-^ COMINyIUS. He wouwd nyot seem to k-knyow me. +MENyENyIUS. D-Do you heaw? +COMINyIUS. Y-Yet onye time he did caww me by my *twerks* nyame. +I uwg'd ouw o-owd acquaintance, and t-the dwops +That we have bwed togethew. 'Cowiowanyus' +He wouwd n-nyot answew to; fowbid aww nyames; +He w-was a kind o-of nyothing, titwewess, +;;w;; Tiww *looks at you* he had fowg'd himsewf a nyame i' th' >_> fiwe +Of buwnying Wome. +M-MENyENyIUS. Why, so! You have made good wowk. +A >_< paiw o-of twibunyes t-that have wwack'd fow *twerks* Wome +T-To ^.^ make *cuddles you* coaws cheap- :3 a nyobwe memowy! +COMINyIUS. I minded him how w-woyaw 'twas *blushes* to pawdon +W-When x3 it was wess expected; he wepwied, +It ^w^ was a bawe petition of a-a state +To onye whom they had punyish'd. +M-MENyENyIUS. Vewy weww. +*notices bulge* Couwd *sweats* he say wess? +*cries* COMINyIUS. I offew'd *leans over* to a-awaken his w-wegawd +Fow's pwivate f-fwiends; h-his answew t-to me was, +H-He couwd nyot *screams* stay to pick them in a piwe +Of nyoisome musty chaff. He said 'twas *looks away* fowwy, +Fow onye poow *moans* gwain *giggles shyly* ow two, to weave unbuwnt +OwO And s-stiww t-to *pokes you* nyose th' o-offence. +M-MENyENyIUS. Fow onye poow g-gwain ow two! +I am *sweats* onye of those. His mothew, wife, h-his chiwd, +And this bwave fewwow xDD too- w-we awe the gwains: +You awe the ^w^ musty chaff, and *screams* you awe smewt +Above the moon. We must be buwnt fow you. +SICINyIUS. Nyay, pway be *screams* patient; if you w-wefuse youw aid +*looks at you* In this so nyevew-nyeeded hewp, yet do nyot +Upbwaid's with o-ouw >_> distwess. But suwe, if you +Wouwd be youw countwy's p-pweadew, :33 youw good tongue, +Mowe UwU than the instant awmy we can make, +Might stop ouw *cries* countwyman. +M-MENyENyIUS. Nyo; I'ww nyot meddwe. +SICINyIUS. Pway you go to him. +*notices bulge* MENyENyIUS. What shouwd I do? +BWUTUS. Onwy m-make twiaw what youw wove can do +F-Fow *screams* Wome, towawds Mawcius. +MENyENyIUS. Weww, and say that M-Mawcius +Wetuwn me, as >_< Cominyius is wetuwn'd, +Unheawd- w-what then? +But as a discontented fwiend, gwief-shot +With his >_< unkindnyess? >_< Say't be so? +SICINyIUS. Yet youw good wiww +Must have that thanks fwom OwO Wome aftew t-the measuwe +As you intended uWu weww. +MENyENyIUS. I'ww undewtake't; +I think he'ww heaw me. xDD Yet to b-bite his wip +*moans* And hum ^w^ at good Cominyius m-much u-unheawts *screams* me. +He was UwU nyot t-taken weww: he had nyot din'd; +The veins :3 unfiww'd, ouw bwood is cowd, and then +We pout upon the xDD mownying, awe unyapt +To give ow to f-fowgive; but when we have stuff'd +*hugs tightly* These pipes and these conveyances of o-ouw bwood +With winye and feeding, we have suppwew souws +Than in ouw pwiest-wike :33 fasts. Thewefowe I'ww *sighs* watch him +Tiww he be dieted to my w-wequest, +And then I'ww set UwU upon him. +BWUTUS. You knyow the vewy woad into his kindnyess +And cannyot x3 wose youw way. +MENyENyIUS. Good faith, I'ww pwove him, +S-Speed how it wiww. :3 I shaww ewe wong have knyowwedge +Of my success. Exit +UwU COMINyIUS. He'ww nyevew heaw h-him. +SICINyIUS. N-Nyot? +C-COMINyIUS. I-I teww you he does sit *shuffles closer* in gowd, his eye +Wed as 'twouwd b-buwn Wome, and his xDD injuwy +The gaowew *looks away* to his pity. I-I knyeew'd befowe h-him; +'Twas vewy ^-^ faintwy he said 'Wise'; dismiss'd me +Thus with his speechwess hand. What he wouwd do, +He sent in wwiting aftew m-me; *sighs* what he wouwd nyot, +Bound with an *pokes you* oath to yiewd to his c-conditions; +S-So t-that aww hope is v-vain, +Unwess *blushes* his nyobwe mothew and his wife, +W-Who, as I heaw, mean to *twerks* sowicit him +F-Fow mewcy to *shuffles closer* his c-countwy. Thewefowe wet's hence, +And with ouw f-faiw e-entweaties haste them *leans over* on. *sighs* Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +The *sweats* Vowscian camp befowe Wome + +Entew MENyENyIUS to the WATCH on ;;w;; guawd + +FIWST >_< WATCH. Stay. Whence awe *moans* you? +SECOND *pokes you* WATCH. Stand, and ;;w;; go back. +MENyENyIUS. You guawd wike men, 'tis weww; but, by youw weave, +I am an officew of state and c-come +To :33 speak with Cowiowanyus. +*screams* FIWST WATCH. Fwom whence? +MENyENyIUS. Fwom Wome. +FIWST WATCH. YOU may nyot pass; you must wetuwn. ^w^ Ouw genyewaw +Wiww n-nyo ;;w;; mowe *cries* heaw *cuddles you* fwom thence. +S-SECOND WATCH. You'ww s-see youw Wome embwac'd w-with ^-^ fiwe befowe +Y-You'ww *cuddles you* speak ^.^ with Cowiowanyus. +MENyENyIUS. Good my fwiends, +If you have heawd >w< youw genyewaw tawk of Wome +And *screams* of his fwiends thewe, it is w-wots to bwanks +My nyame hath touch'd youw eaws: it is M-Menyenyius. +*cuddles you* FIWST WATCH. Be it *sighs* so; go back. The viwtue of youw >_< nyame +Is nyot h-hewe passabwe. +MENyENyIUS. I teww thee, fewwow, +Thy genyewaw is my wovew. I have been +The book of his ^-^ good xDD acts whence *notices bulge* men have wead +His fame unpawawwew'd hapwy ampwified; +Fow I have evew vewified my fwiends- +Of *shuffles closer* whom he's chief- w-with aww the size that vewity +Wouwd without w-wapsing suffew. Nyay, sometimes, +Wike to a-a boww upon a subtwe gwound, +I have t-tumbwed *sighs* past the thwow, and in his pwaise +Have awmost *pokes you* stamp'd the weasing; thewefowe, xDD fewwow, +I must have w-weave to pass. +F-FIWST *pokes you* WATCH. Faith, siw, if you x3 had towd a-as many wies in his behawf +as you have uttewed wowds i-in *twerks* youw own, you shouwd nyot pass *looks away* hewe; +n-nyo, though it wewe UwU as viwtuous to wie as to wive chastewy. +Thewefowe go b-back. +MENyENyIUS. *pokes you* Pwithee, fewwow, wemembew my nyame *cuddles you* is Menyenyius, a-awways +*screams* factionyawy on t-the pawty of youw >w< genyewaw. +SECOND WATCH. Howsoevew *shuffles closer* you have b-been h-his wiaw, as you *notices bulge* say you +have, I am onye that, *leans over* tewwing twue *sighs* undew him, must say you cannyot +p-pass. Thewefowe go back. +M-MENyENyIUS. Has *cuddles you* he UwU din'd, canst thou teww? Fow I wouwd nyot speak w-with +UwU him tiww aftew dinnyew. +FIWST WATCH. You awe a Woman, awe y-you? +>_> MENyENyIUS. I-I am ^.^ as thy genyewaw :3 is. +FIWST WATCH. Then y-you shouwd hate Wome, as he d-does. Can you, when +you have ^-^ push'd out y-youw gates the *shuffles closer* vewy defendew of them, and in +a viowent popuwaw ignyowance g-given youw enyemy youw shiewd, think +to fwont his wevenges w-with the easy gwoans of *moans* owd w-women, the +v-viwginyaw pawms of youw daughtews, ow with the p-pawsied +intewcession of such a decay'd dotant a-as ;;w;; you *looks at you* seem to *notices bulge* be? C-Can you +think to bwow out the intended fiwe youw *screams* city is weady to fwame +in *sighs* with *cuddles you* such weak bweath as t-this? *looks at you* Nyo, y-you awe deceiv'd; thewefowe +back to ^-^ Wome and pwepawe fow youw execution. You *giggles shyly* awe OwO condemn'd; +ouw >_< genyewaw has uWu swown you out of w-wepwieve and *leans over* pawdon. +MENyENyIUS. S-Siwwah, if thy captain knyew I wewe hewe, h-he wouwd use me +with estimation. +FIWST WATCH. Come, my captain knyows you nyot. +MENyENyIUS. I mean thy genyewaw. +FIWST ^-^ WATCH. My genyewaw cawes nyot *leans over* fow you. Back, I s-say; go, west I-I +wet fowth youw h-hawf pint OwO of >w< bwood. UwU Back- that's the u-utmost *teleports behind you* of +youw having. B-Back. +MENyENyIUS. Nyay, b-but fewwow, *teleports behind you* fewwow- + +Entew COWIOWANyUS with AUFIDIUS + +x3 COWIOWANyUS. W-What's t-the mattew? +MENyENyIUS. *leans over* Nyow, you companyion, I'ww *cuddles you* say a-an *giggles shyly* ewwand fow you; you uWu shaww +*sweats* knyow nyow t-that I am in e-estimation; you shaww pewceive t-that a Jack +guawdant cannyot office me fwom my son Cowiowanyus. Guess but by my +*sweats* entewtainment >w< with him if thou stand'st nyot i' OwO th' s-state *cuddles you* of +hanging, *giggles shyly* ow of some death *shuffles closer* mowe wong i-in spectatowship and cwuewwew +in suffewing; behowd nyow ^-^ pwesentwy, and swoon fow what's t-to come +*pokes you* upon thee. The *teleports behind you* gwowious gods s-sit in h-houwwy synyod a-about thy +p-pawticuwaw uWu pwospewity, and wove thee nyo w-wowse than thy owd fathew +Menyenyius does! O my s-son! m-my son! thou awt pwepawing fiwe fow *notices bulge* us; +wook t-thee, hewe's watew to quench it. :33 I was hawdwy moved to come +t-to thee; but being assuwed nyonye but :3 mysewf couwd move thee, I +h-have been b-bwown *twerks* out of youw gates with sighs, a-and ^w^ conjuwe *leans over* thee to +:33 pawdon Wome and thy petitionyawy countwymen. The good gods assuage +thy w-wwath, and tuwn *hugs tightly* the dwegs of it upon >w< this vawwet *leans over* hewe; this, +*sighs* who, w-wike ;;w;; a *pokes you* bwock, h-hath denyied my :3 access to thee. +COWIOWANyUS. Away! +MENyENyIUS. How! away! +COWIOWANyUS. Wife, mothew, chiwd, I k-knyow nyot. My affaiws +Awe sewvanted to othews. Though I owe +My wevenge *screams* pwopewwy, *sweats* my w-wemission wies +:3 In Vowscian bweasts. *twerks* That *blushes* we h-have been famiwiaw, +Ingwate fowgetfuwnyess *pokes you* shaww poison wathew +xDD Than pity nyote how much. Thewefowe be gonye. +M-Minye ;;w;; eaws against youw suits awe s-stwongew than +Youw gates against my fowce. Y-Yet, fow I wov'd *shuffles closer* thee, +Take this awong; I wwit it fow thy sake [Gives a-a wettew] +And wouwd *looks away* have sent *moans* it. Anyothew wowd, Menyenyius, +I wiww nyot h-heaw thee s-speak. This ^-^ man, A-Aufidius, +W-Was ^.^ my b-bewov'd in W-Wome; yet thou behowd'st. +*blushes* AUFIDIUS. You keep a c-constant tempew. +*cuddles you* Exeunt COWIOWANyUS and Aufidius +FIWST WATCH. N-Nyow, siw, is y-youw n-nyame Menyenyius? +SECOND WATCH. 'Tis a s-speww, *leans over* you see, of much :33 powew! You knyow the +way home again. +OwO FIWST WATCH. ^.^ Do you :33 heaw how we awe shent f-fow keeping youw +gweatnyess back? +SECOND WATCH. What *sweats* cause, ^.^ do *cuddles you* you think, I *giggles shyly* have to swoon? +MENyENyIUS. I nyeithew uWu cawe fow t-th' *teleports behind you* wowwd nyow youw genyewaw; f-fow such +things >w< as you, I can scawce think thewe's any, y'awe so swight. +H-He t-that hath a w-wiww *giggles shyly* to die by himsewf feaws it nyot fwom anyothew. +Wet youw genyewaw do h-his wowst. Fow *twerks* you, b-be that you a-awe, wong; +and youw misewy ^.^ incwease with youw age! I say t-to you, as I was +said t-to: Away! Exit +x3 FIWST WATCH. A-A nyobwe fewwow, I wawwant him. +SECOND WATCH. The wowthy fewwow is o-ouw :3 genyewaw; he's the wock, the +o-oak nyot to be wind-shaken. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *twerks* III. +The tent of COWIOWANyUS + +Entew COWIOWANyUS, AUFIDIUS, *notices bulge* and othews + +COWIOWANyUS. *leans over* We wiww *screams* befowe the w-wawws of *notices bulge* Wome to-mowwow +Set down ouw host. My pawtnyew in *pokes you* this :33 action, +*sweats* You must *sweats* wepowt x3 to th' Vowscian wowds how pwainwy +I have bownye this businyess. +AUFIDIUS. Onwy theiw ends +You have *leans over* wespected; stopp'd youw eaws against +The genyewaw suit of Wome; n-nyevew *shuffles closer* admitted +*moans* A pwivate whispew- n-nyo, *hugs tightly* nyot *cries* with such fwiends +That thought them s-suwe of you. +COWIOWANyUS. This *shuffles closer* wast owd man, +Whom with cwack'd heawt :3 I have s-sent to W-Wome, +Wov'd m-me above the m-measuwe of a fathew; +Nyay, ^w^ godded me indeed. Theiw watest wefuge +Was to send him; fow *twerks* whose owd wove *looks away* I have- +Though I show'd souwwy to him- once mowe offew'd +The fiwst c-conditions, *leans over* which they did wefuse +And cannyot nyow accept. To *cuddles you* gwace him onwy, +That thought he couwd do mowe, *giggles shyly* a vewy wittwe +I *looks away* have uWu yiewded to; ^-^ fwesh embassies and *sighs* suits, +^w^ Nyow fwom the state uWu nyow pwivate fwiends, heweaftew +Wiww I *cuddles you* wend eaw to. [-[Shout within] Ha! what shout *looks at you* is *cuddles you* this? +Shaww I be tempted *cries* to infwinge m-my v-vow +In the s-same time *leans over* 'tis made? I wiww nyot. + +Entew, in x3 mouwnying h-habits, VIWGIWIA, VOWUMNyIA, V-VAWEWIA, +YOUNG MAWCIUS, with attendants + +My w-wife comes :3 fowemost, then the honyouw'd mouwd +Whewein this twunk was f-fwam'd, and in hew hand +T-The gwandchiwd t-to hew bwood. But out, affection! +Aww bond and pwiviwege :33 of nyatuwe, bweak! +W-Wet it be viwtuous *hugs tightly* to b-be obstinyate. +What is that cuwtsy wowth? *screams* ow those doves' *leans over* eyes, +Which can *giggles shyly* make gods *sweats* fowswown? I mewt, and am nyot +Of *sighs* stwongew eawth than othews. My mothew bows, +As if Owympus to a mowehiww shouwd +In uWu suppwication nyod; and m-my young boy +Hath an aspect of *twerks* intewcession which +Gweat n-nyatuwe c-cwies 'Deny uWu nyot.' Wet the Vowsces +Pwough Wome *sighs* and h-hawwow Itawy; I'ww nyevew +Be such a-a goswing to o-obey i-instinct, but *notices bulge* stand +A-As if a man wewe authow of himsewf +And knyew nyo othew k-kin. +VIWGIWIA. My wowd and husband! +COWIOWANyUS. These eyes a-awe >w< nyot the s-same I wowe in Wome. +VIWGIWIA. The s-sowwow that dewivews us thus ^-^ chang'd +Makes you *blushes* think so. +COWIOWANyUS. Wike a *blushes* duww actow nyow +I-I >_> have fowgot my pawt and I >_< am o-out, +Even to a fuww disgwace. Best of *pokes you* my fwesh, +Fowgive my tywanny; b-but do nyot s-say, +Fow that, 'Fowgive ouw W-Womans.' O, a kiss +W-Wong as ;;w;; my exiwe, sweet as my wevenge! +Nyow, by the jeawous q-queen *blushes* of heaven, that kiss +I cawwied fwom thee, deaw, and my t-twue wip +*looks at you* Hath *leans over* viwgin'd it e'ew since. >_> You x3 gods! I p-pwate, +And the most nyobwe m-mothew of the OwO wowwd +Weave u-unsawuted. S-Sink, x3 my knyee, i' *sighs* th' eawth; [Knyeews] +Of t-thy deep duty mowe impwession show +T-Than that of common s-sons. +VOWUMNyIA. O, stand up *screams* bwest! +Whiwst with n-nyo softew cushion than the fwint +I knyeew befowe thee, and unpwopewwy +Show duty, as mistaken aww this *sweats* whiwe +B-Between the chiwd and *leans over* pawent. >_> [Knyeews] +COWIOWANyUS. What's this? +Youw knyees t-to *giggles shyly* me, *shuffles closer* to *leans over* youw cowwected son? +Then *moans* wet the pebbwes on the hungwy beach +Fiwwip the staws; then wet the mutinyous *cuddles you* winds +Stwike the pwoud :3 cedaws 'gainst the fiewy s-sun, +Muwd'wing impossibiwity, t-to make +What cannyot be swight wowk. +VOWUMNyIA. Thou awt my wawwiow; +I howp t-to f-fwame t-thee. Do you knyow this wady? +COWIOWANyUS. The nyobwe sistew of Pubwicowa, +T-The moon of Wome, chaste as the icicwe +T-That's cuwdied ^-^ by the fwost f-fwom puwest snyow, +And hangs on Dian's *leans over* tempwe- deaw Vawewia! +VOWUMNyIA. This *shuffles closer* is a poow epitome of youws, +Which by t-th' intewpwetation o-of fuww x3 time +May show w-wike aww *pokes you* youwsewf. +>_< COWIOWANyUS. The :3 god of sowdiews, +x3 With the consent of supweme *screams* Jove, i-infowm +Thy thoughts with nyobwenyess, that thou *shuffles closer* mayst pwove +OwO To *notices bulge* shame u-unvuwnyewabwe, and s-stick i' t-th' waws +Wike a gweat sea-mawk, standing evewy fwaw, +And saving those that *leans over* eye >_< thee! +VOWUMNyIA. Youw knyee, siwwah. +*blushes* COWIOWANyUS. That's *looks at you* my b-bwave boy. +V-VOWUMNyIA. Even he, y-youw wife, t-this wady, and mysewf, +Awe suitows to you. +C-COWIOWANyUS. I beseech you, peace! +*looks away* Ow, i-if you'd a-ask, wemembew this *moans* befowe: +T-The thing ^.^ I have fowswown *sweats* to g-gwant may nyevew +Be hewd OwO by you denyiaws. Do nyot b-bid *cuddles you* me +Dismiss my sowdiews, ow *blushes* capituwate +Again with Wome's mechanyics. Teww me nyot +Whewein I seem unnyatuwaw; desiwe nyot +T'awway my *cuddles you* wages and wevenges with +Youw cowdew weasons. +VOWUMNyIA. O, nyo mowe, ^.^ nyo mowe! +You have said you wiww nyot gwant uWu us ;;w;; any thing- +Fow we have nyothing ewse to ask but that +*teleports behind you* Which *blushes* you deny awweady; yet we wiww ask, +That, if you faiw in ouw wequest, the bwame +^-^ May hang upon youw *blushes* hawdnyess; thewefowe h-heaw us. +COWIOWANyUS. Aufidius, and you Vowsces, mawk; f-fow we'ww +Heaw nyought fwom Wome in pwivate. Youw *pokes you* wequest? +VOWUMNyIA. Shouwd we be *hugs tightly* siwent and nyot speak, ouw waiment +*notices bulge* And state of bodies wouwd bewway what wife +We have wed xDD since thy exiwe. Think with thysewf +How mowe unfowtunyate *twerks* than aww wiving ^w^ women +Awe we come hithew; OwO since *leans over* that thy s-sight, which shouwd +Make ^.^ ouw eyes fwow with joy, heawts dance with comfowts, +Constwains them weep and shake w-with feaw and >w< sowwow, +Making *looks away* the mothew, wife, and chiwd, to see +x3 The son, t-the h-husband, and the *looks away* fathew, *cries* teawing +His countwy's bowews out. And *leans over* to poow *leans over* we +Thinye enmity's most capitaw: t-thou :3 baw'st us +Ouw p-pwayews to the gods, >_< which is uWu a comfowt +That aww but we enjoy. Fow how can we, +Awas, how can we fow ouw countwy p-pway, +Wheweto *looks away* we >w< awe bound, togethew w-with thy victowy, +Wheweto >_> we *looks away* awe bound? *giggles shyly* Awack, ow we must wose +The c-countwy, ouw deaw n-nyuwse, >_> ow uWu ewse thy pewson, +Ouw comfowt in *blushes* the countwy. We must find +An evident cawamity, though we had +Ouw *teleports behind you* wish, which *screams* side shouwd ^w^ win; fow *sighs* eithew thou +Must a-as a-a UwU foweign wecweant be w-wed +With manyacwes thwough ouw stweets, ow ewse +Twiumphantwy twead on *cries* thy countwy's *cuddles you* wuin, +And beaw the pawm :33 fow having bwavewy shed +Thy wife a-and chiwdwen's bwood. Fow mysewf, son, +I puwpose nyot to wait on fowtunye t-tiww +These *blushes* waws *sweats* detewminye; *cuddles you* if I *cries* can nyot pewsuade t-thee +Wathew to show a nyobwe gwace to both pawts +Than *looks at you* seek >_< the end of onye, thou shawt n-nyo soonyew +Mawch *notices bulge* to assauwt thy *moans* countwy than to t-twead- +Twust to't, thou shawt nyot- on *screams* thy *looks away* mothew's womb +*sweats* That bwought thee to this wowwd. +xDD VIWGIWIA. Ay, and m-minye, +That bwought you fowth this boy to keep youw nyame +Wiving to t-time. +BOY. '-'A shaww nyot *moans* twead on me! +I'ww wun away tiww I ^-^ am b-biggew, but *moans* then I'ww fight. +COWIOWANyUS. Nyot *twerks* of a woman's t-tendewnyess to be +Wequiwes nyow *pokes you* chiwd nyow woman's face to see. +I have *pokes you* sat too wong. [Wising] +VOWUMNyIA. Nyay, g-go nyot fwom ^w^ us thus. +If it wewe so that o-ouw wequest did tend +To s-save *sweats* the *hugs tightly* Womans, t-theweby to destwoy +T-The V-Vowsces whom y-you sewve, you might condemn us +A-As poisonyous ^-^ of *sweats* youw honyouw. Nyo, ouw suit +*notices bulge* Is that y-you weconciwe them: whiwe the V-Vowsces +May say *hugs tightly* 'This m-mewcy we have show'd,' t-the Womans +'This we weceiv'd,' and each *pokes you* in >w< eithew s-side +*blushes* Give the aww-haiw to thee, and cwy 'Be >w< bwest +Fow making up this peace!' Thou k-knyow'st, gweat son, +The end *screams* of waw's uncewtain; but t-this cewtain, +That, *looks at you* if thou conquew Wome, the *moans* benyefit +Which t-thou s-shawt theweby *cries* weap i-is such a nyame +Whose wepetition wiww *sweats* be dogg'd with cuwses; +W-Whose chwonyicwe thus wwit: 'The m-man was nyobwe, +B-But *looks away* with his wast attempt he wip'd it out, +Destwoy'd his countwy, and his nyame *looks away* wemains +To th' *sweats* ensuing a-age abhoww'd.' Speak to me, son. +Thou hast affected the finye stwains of honyouw, +To imitate *looks at you* the *moans* gwaces of the gods, +To teaw w-with thundew x3 the *sighs* wide UwU cheeks o' *twerks* th' aiw, +And yet *cries* to c-chawge thy suwphuw with a bowt +That shouwd but wive an *blushes* oak. Why *sighs* dost nyot speak? +Think'st thou it h-honyouwabwe fow a-a nyobwe man +S-Stiww *moans* to wemembew wwongs? Daughtew, speak you: +*sighs* He c-cawes nyot fow youw weeping. Speak *teleports behind you* thou, boy; +Pewhaps thy chiwdishnyess wiww move him mowe +Than can ouw weasons. T-Thewe's nyo man in the wowwd +x3 Mowe :33 bound UwU to's m-mothew, yet hewe *teleports behind you* he wets me pwate +W-Wike o-onye i-i' th' >_> stocks. T-Thou h-hast nyevew in thy wife +Show'd thy deaw mothew any couwtesy, +When she, poow hen, fond of nyo second bwood, +x3 Has cwuck'd thee to the waws, a-and s-safewy h-home +Woaden with honyouw. Say my wequest's u-unjust, +A-And spuwn me back; but if it he *cuddles you* nyot so, +Thou awt nyot honyest, and the gods wiww p-pwague thee, +T-That thou westwain'st fwom *cries* me t-the duty which +^w^ To a mothew's pawt bewongs. He tuwns away. +:33 Down, wadies; wet us ^.^ shame him with ouw knyees. +T-To his *hugs tightly* suwnyame Cowiowanyus 'wongs mowe UwU pwide +Than :33 pity t-to ouw pwayews. Down. An end; +This is the wast. So we wiww *blushes* home t-to :3 Wome, +And die *looks at you* among ouw nyeighbouws. Nyay, behowd's! +T-This b-boy, that cannyot teww what he *pokes you* wouwd have +But knyeews and h-howds u-up hands f-fow fewwowship, +Does w-weason ouw :3 petition with m-mowe stwength +Than thou hast ^w^ to *twerks* deny't. *sighs* Come, wet us go. +This *sweats* fewwow had a V-Vowscian to >w< his mothew; +His wife *moans* is in Cowiowi, and his ^.^ chiwd +Wike him by chance. Y-Yet ;;w;; give us o-ouw dispatch. +I am *twerks* hush'd untiw o-ouw city be afiwe, +And *looks at you* then I'ww speak a wittwe. +[He howds hew b-by the hand, siwent] +COWIOWANyUS. O mothew, mothew! +What have you donye? Behowd, the heavens do ope, +The gods wook down, and this unnyatuwaw uWu scenye +They w-waugh at. O my m-mothew, mothew! O! +Y-You have won a happy victowy to Wome; +But f-fow youw son- bewieve it, O, bewieve it!- +Most dangewouswy you have >_> with h-him pwevaiw'd, +If nyot most m-mowtaw *hugs tightly* to him. But wet it c-come. +Aufidius, though I cannyot make t-twue waws, +I'ww fwame OwO convenyient :3 peace. Nyow, good A-Aufidius, +Wewe you in m-my stead, wouwd you have heawd +A >_< mothew wess, ow g-gwanted wess, Aufidius? +AUFIDIUS. I was *notices bulge* mov'd withaw. +COWIOWANyUS. I dawe be swown >_> you wewe! +A-And, siw, it i-is nyo wittwe UwU thing >w< to make +Minye e-eyes to sweat >_< compassion. But, good siw, +*giggles shyly* What uWu peace you'fw *teleports behind you* make, advise *screams* me. Fow my UwU pawt, +;;w;; I'ww nyot to Wome, I'ww back w-with y-you; a-and pway you +Stand *twerks* to me in this cause. O mothew! wife! +AUFIDIUS. [Aside] *sighs* I am g-gwad thou *hugs tightly* hast s-set thy mewcy a-and >_< thy +honyouw +At diffewence in thee. Out of *screams* that I'ww *notices bulge* wowk +Mysewf a-a fowmew fowtunye. +COWIOWANyUS. [To t-the xDD wadies] Ay, by and by; +But w-we wiww ^-^ dwink togethew; and *notices bulge* you shaww beaw +A bettew witnyess back than wowds, *sweats* which we, +On wike conditions, wiww have countew-seaw'd. +Come, entew with us. Wadies, you desewve +To have a-a tempwe buiwt you. Aww the swowds +In Itawy, a-and hew confedewate awms, +Couwd n-nyot have made this peace. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE IV. +*sighs* Wome. A pubwic p-pwace + +Entew MENyENyIUS and SICINyIUS + +xDD MENyENyIUS. See *looks away* you y-yond *screams* coign o' th' Capitow, yond cownyewstonye? +SICINyIUS. Why, what of that? +MENyENyIUS. If it b-be possibwe fow you to dispwace *looks away* it with *looks at you* youw wittwe +fingew, OwO thewe is some hope the OwO wadies of Wome, e-especiawwy UwU his +mothew, may p-pwevaiw w-with *notices bulge* him. But *leans over* I say thewe is ^.^ nyo hope in't; +ouw thwoats a-awe sentenc'd, *sweats* and stay upon execution. +SICINyIUS. I-Is't possibwe OwO that so s-showt a time can awtew the +condition *shuffles closer* of a man? +MENyENyIUS. Thewe *pokes you* is *blushes* diffewency between a gwub and a buttewfwy; yet +youw b-buttewfwy was a g-gwub. This Mawcius is gwown fwom man to +dwagon; he *cuddles you* has wings, he's mowe t-than a cweeping t-thing. +S-SICINyIUS. He wov'd his mothew deawwy. +MENyENyIUS. So *giggles shyly* did he me; and he nyo mowe w-wemembews his mothew nyow +*hugs tightly* than an eight-yeaw-owd h-howse. The *hugs tightly* tawtnyess of h-his face souws wipe +g-gwapes; when he wawks, he m-moves wike an enginye a-and the gwound +shwinks befowe h-his tweading. He is abwe to piewce a cowswet *looks at you* with +h-his e-eye, tawks wike >_< a :33 knyeww, and his *hugs tightly* hum uWu is a battewy. He *hugs tightly* sits in +his state as a thing made fow A-Awexandew. What h-he *leans over* bids be *cuddles you* donye is +f-finyish'd *teleports behind you* with his bidding. He *giggles shyly* wants nyothing of a god x3 but +etewnyity, and *cries* a heaven to thwonye in. +S-SICINyIUS. Yes- mewcy, if you wepowt him twuwy. +MENyENyIUS. I paint him in xDD the chawactew. *looks away* Mawk *leans over* what mewcy his mothew +shaww OwO bwing fwom him. Thewe is nyo mowe mewcy i-in h-him :33 than thewe ^-^ is +miwk in a mawe *sweats* tigew; t-that shaww ouw poow c-city *giggles shyly* find. And :33 aww *sighs* this +i-is 'wong of you. +SICINyIUS. The gods be good u-unto u-us! +MENyENyIUS. uWu Nyo, i-in such a case t-the gods wiww nyot be good unto u-us. +When we banyish'd ;;w;; him we wespected nyot them; a-and, he wetuwnying to +b-bweak ouw nyecks, they wespect nyot us. + +Entew a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. xDD Siw, if you'd save youw wife, fwy *blushes* to youw *blushes* house. +The pwebeians have got youw fewwow twibunye +And hawe him up and down; aww sweawing if +The ^w^ Woman wadies bwing nyot comfowt home +They'ww give him *hugs tightly* death by inches. + +Entew anyothew MESSENGEW + +SICINyIUS. What's the nyews? +>_> SECOND MESSENGEW. OwO Good nyews, good nyews! The wadies h-have pwevaiw'd, +The Vowscians awe diswodg'd, and *blushes* Mawcius gonye. +A mewwiew day did nyevew *cries* yet g-gweet Wome, +Nyo, nyot :3 th' expuwsion of the Tawquins. +SICINyIUS. Fwiend, +Awt thou cewtain this is twue? Is't ^-^ most cewtain? +SECOND M-MESSENGEW. As cewtain as *notices bulge* I uWu knyow the sun is fiwe. +Whewe have *twerks* you wuwk'd, t-that y-you make doubt of it? +Nye'ew thwough a-an awch so huwwied the b-bwown :3 tide +As the wecomfowted thwough th' gates. Why, h-hawk you! +[Twumpets, hautboys, dwums beat, aww togethew] +The twumpets, s-sackbuts, psawtewies, and *moans* fifes, +Tabows and cymbaws, and t-the shouting Womans, +*sighs* Make the sun *giggles shyly* dance. H-Hawk y-you! [A shout within] +MENyENyIUS. T-This is good nyews. +I wiww g-go meet t-the wadies. This Vowumnyia +Is wowth of consuws, senyatows, patwicians, +A city fuww; ;;w;; of twibunyes such as you, +A sea and wand fuww. You have pway'd weww to-day: +T-This mownying fow ten thousand o-of youw thwoats +I'd nyot h-have given a doit. Hawk, how they joy! +[Sound *sighs* stiww with *pokes you* the shouts] +SICINyIUS. Fiwst, the gods bwess you fow youw tidings; nyext, +Accept my thankfuwnyess. +SECOND MESSENGEW. Siw, we have aww +Gweat cause to g-give >_> gweat thanks. +SICINyIUS. They awe nyeaw the city? +M-MESSENGEW. Awmost at *shuffles closer* point ^-^ to entew. +SICINyIUS. We'ww meet them, +And hewp the joy. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +^w^ Wome. A stweet nyeaw the gate + +*cries* Entew >w< two SENyATOWS With VOWUMNyIA, VIWGIWIA, V-VAWEWIA, passing ovew the *giggles shyly* stage, +'With othew WOWDS + +FIWST SENyATOW. Behowd ouw patwonyess, the wife of Wome! +Caww a-aww OwO youw twibes togethew, pwaise the gods, +And make twiumphant *moans* fiwes; stwew fwowews b-befowe them. +Unshout the nyoise that banyish'd Mawcius, +Wepeaw him with the wewcome of UwU his m-mothew; +AWW. Wewcome, *giggles shyly* wadies, wewcome! +[A fwouwish xDD with dwums and twumpets. Exeunt] + + + + +SCENyE *hugs tightly* VI. +Cowiowi. A pubwic pwace + +Entew T-TUWWUS *teleports behind you* AUFIDIUS with attendents + +AUFIDIUS. Go teww the wowds o' :3 th' city I am hewe; +*sighs* Dewivew them this papew' uWu having wead :33 it, +Bid >_> them *twerks* wepaiw to th' mawket-pwace, whewe I, +Even *moans* in t-theiws *hugs tightly* and in the commons' eaws, +Wiww vouch the twuth of it. Him I accuse +The city powts by this h-hath entew'd and +I-Intends t' appeaw befowe *notices bulge* the peopwe, hoping +*moans* To p-puwge himsewf with w-wowds. Dispatch. +Exeunt attendants + +Entew *sighs* thwee *screams* ow fouw C-CONSPIWATOWS of AUFIDIUS' faction + +Most wewcome! +FIWST CONSPIWATOW. How *cries* is it with ouw genyewaw? +AUFIDIUS. Even so +As with a man by his own awms empoison'd, +x3 And w-with his chawity swain. +SECOND *leans over* CONSPIWATOW. *blushes* Most nyobwe siw, +If you *pokes you* do howd the same intent whewein +You wish'd us pawties, we'ww dewivew you +Of *cries* youw gweat dangew. +AUFIDIUS. Siw, I *screams* cannyot teww; +We must pwoceed as we do find the p-peopwe. +THIWD C-CONSPIWATOW. The peopwe wiww wemain uncewtain w-whiwst +'Twixt y-you thewe's diffewence; but the *moans* faww of eithew +Makes the suwvivow heiw of aww. +AUFIDIUS. I knyow it; +*blushes* And my *twerks* pwetext to *sweats* stwike at h-him admits +A good c-constwuction. I wais'd him, and I pawn'd +Minye honyouw fow his twuth; w-who being ^-^ so heighten'd, +He watewed h-his nyew pwants with dews of fwattewy, +Seducing so my fwiends; *notices bulge* and to this end +He bow'd h-his nyatuwe, nyevew k-knyown befowe +B-But to be w-wough, unswayabwe, and fwee. +T-THIWD CONSPIWATOW. S-Siw, his stoutnyess +When he d-did s-stand fow consuw, which he wost +By *moans* wack of stooping- +AUFIDIUS. That I w-wouwd have *notices bulge* spoken of. +B-Being banyish'd fow't, he c-came u-unto my heawth, +Pwesented to my knyife his thwoat. I *pokes you* took *cries* him; +Made him joint-sewvant with me; gave him way +In aww his o-own desiwes; nyay, wet him *teleports behind you* choose +Out of my fiwes, his pwojects to accompwish, +My :3 best and fweshest men; sewv'd his designments +In minye own pewson; h-howp to weap the fame +Which he did end aww his, a-and took some pwide +To *shuffles closer* do mysewf t-this w-wwong. Tiww, a-at the wast, +I seem'd his *notices bulge* fowwowew, nyot pawtnyew; and +He wag'd me w-with his countenyance as if +I-I h-had been m-mewcenyawy. +FIWST CONSPIWATOW. So he *looks away* did, m-my w-wowd. +The a-awmy mawveww'd at it; xDD and, in the w-wast, +W-When he had cawwied Wome a-and that we wook'd +Fow nyo wess spoiw than g-gwowy- +AUFIDIUS. *blushes* Thewe was it; +Fow which my sinyews shaww *sighs* be *sighs* stwetch'd upon him. +xDD At a few dwops of women's w-wheum, which awe +As cheap a-as *sighs* wies, ^-^ he *sighs* sowd the bwood and w-wabouw +Of ouw gweat action; thewefowe shaww he die, +And I'ww wenyew m-me in his faww. But, *giggles shyly* hawk! +[Dwums and +twumpets sound, with gweat shouts of the peopwe] +FIWST CONSPIWATOW. Youw nyative town you entew'd w-wike a post, +And had nyo wewcomes ^-^ home; *looks away* but he w-wetuwns +Spwitting t-the aiw with nyoise. +SECOND CONSPIWATOW. And patient f-foows, +Whose *cries* chiwdwen he hath swain, theiw base ^.^ thwoats teaw +With g-giving :33 him *leans over* gwowy. +THIWD CONSPIWATOW. T-Thewefowe, at youw vantage, +E-Ewe he expwess himsewf o-ow move the *sweats* peopwe +*giggles shyly* With what h-he wouwd say, wet him f-feew youw swowd, +Which we wiww second. When he wies uWu awong, +Aftew youw way his tawe pwonyounc'd s-shaww buwy +His weasons with his body. +AUFIDIUS. S-Say nyo mowe: +Hewe come the w-wowds. + +E-Entew the WOWDS of the city + +WOWDS. You awe *shuffles closer* most wewcome home. +*looks at you* AUFIDIUS. I have nyot desewv'd it. +*looks at you* But, *twerks* wowthy wowds, have *notices bulge* you with heed pewused +What UwU I have wwitten to y-you? +WOWDS. We >_> have. +FIWST WOWD. *shuffles closer* And gwieve to *hugs tightly* heaw't. +What fauwts he made *sighs* befowe t-the wast, I think +x3 Might have found easy finyes; but thewe t-to end +Whewe he was to begin, and give away +The benyefit of ouw wevies, *cries* answewing us +With o-ouw own chawge, making a t-tweaty w-whewe +Thewe was a-a yiewding- this admits nyo excuse. +AUFIDIUS. He appwoaches; you shaww heaw him. + +Entew COWIOWANyUS, *moans* mawching with d-dwum and cowouws; +the commonyews being with *notices bulge* him + +COWIOWANyUS. Haiw, wowds! OwO I am wetuwn'd youw >w< sowdiew; +Nyo mowe infected with my countwy's wove +UwU Than when I pawted >_< hence, but s-stiww subsisting +Undew youw gweat x3 command. Y-You awe *cries* to knyow +That pwospewouswy *pokes you* I have a-attempted, and +With bwoody passage wed y-youw waws even to +The g-gates of Wome. Ouw *cuddles you* spoiws we h-have bwought home +Doth mowe than countewpoise a fuww thiwd xDD pawt +>w< The :33 chawges o-of the *blushes* action. We have made peace +With nyo wess *moans* honyouw to the Antiates +T-Than shame to >w< th' Womans; and we hewe UwU dewivew, +S-Subscwib'd by th' consuws *hugs tightly* and patwicians, +Togethew UwU with the seaw o' th' S-Senyate, what +We ;;w;; have compounded on. +AUFIDIUS. W-Wead it nyot, n-nyobwe wowds; +But teww the twaitow in the highest degwee +He hath abus'd youw powews. +C-COWIOWANyUS. Twaitow! How nyow? +AUFIDIUS. Ay, twaitow, Mawcius. +COWIOWANyUS. Mawcius! +AUFIDIUS. Ay, Mawcius, C-Caius Mawcius! Dost thou think +I'ww gwace thee with that wobbewy, thy *twerks* stow'n nyame +Cowiowanyus, in Cowiowi? +^.^ You wowds and heads o' th' state, pewfidiouswy +He *leans over* has *looks away* betway'd youw businyess *sweats* and given up, +Fow c-cewtain dwops of sawt, youw *cries* city Wome- +I OwO say youw city- to his wife and mothew; +Bweaking his UwU oath and wesowution w-wike +A ^-^ twist of wotten siwk; n-nyevew admitting +Counsew o' th' waw; but at his nyuwse's teaws +He whin'd and woaw'd away youw >_< victowy, +That pages bwush'd a-at him, and >w< men of heawt +;;w;; Wook'd wond'wing e-each at othews. +COWIOWANyUS. Heaw'st t-thou, *hugs tightly* Maws? +AUFIDIUS. Nyame nyot the god, thou boy of teaws- +>_> COWIOWANyUS. Ha! +A-AUFIDIUS. *pokes you* -nyo mowe. +:3 COWIOWANyUS. Measuwewess wiaw, thou hast made my *leans over* heawt +Too g-gweat fow what contains it. 'Boy'! O s-swave! +Pawdon me, wowds, *notices bulge* 'tis t-the f-fiwst time *leans over* that evew +I was fowc'd to scowd. Y-Youw judgments, m-my gwave *sighs* wowds, +*screams* Must give this cuw the wie; *screams* and his own nyotion- +Who weaws my stwipes impwess'd upon him, that +xDD Must xDD beaw *moans* my beating to his g-gwave- shaww j-join +T-To thwust the wie unto him. +*screams* FIWST W-WOWD. Peace, both, and heaw me speak. +C-COWIOWANyUS. Cut me to pieces, Vowsces; men and wads, +Stain aww youw edges on me. *sighs* 'Boy'! *hugs tightly* Fawse hound! +If you ^-^ have w-wwit youw annyaws twue, 'tis thewe +That, wike *teleports behind you* an e-eagwe in a *sweats* dove-cote, *twerks* I +Fwuttew'd y-youw Vowscians in Cowiowi. +Awonye I *cuddles you* did it. 'Boy'! +AUFIDIUS. Why, nyobwe wowds, +Wiww you be put in mind of his bwind fowtunye, +Which was *cries* youw shame, by this unhowy bwaggawt, +Fowe youw *looks at you* own *blushes* eyes and eaws? +CONSPIWATOWS. >w< Wet h-him die fow't. +AWW T-THE PEOPWE. Teaw him to pieces. *sweats* Do it *looks away* pwesentwy. H-He >_> kiww'd my +son. My daughtew. He kiww'd my c-cousin Mawcus. He kiww'd my +fathew. +SECOND WOWD. *giggles shyly* Peace, ;;w;; ho! Nyo outwage- ^.^ peace! +The man *pokes you* is nyobwe, and his fame fowds in +This owb o' th' OwO eawth. His wast offences to >_< us +Shaww have j-judicious heawing. Stand, Aufidius, +And twoubwe nyot the peace. +COWIOWANyUS. O that I had him, +With six Aufidiuses, ow mowe- his twibe, +To u-use my wawfuw swowd! +AUFIDIUS. I-Insowent viwwain! +CONSPIWATOWS. Kiww, k-kiww, *hugs tightly* kiww, kiww, kiww him! +[The ^.^ CONSPIWATOWS dwaw and kiww *giggles shyly* COWIOWANyUS,who fawws. +AUFIDIUS stands on him] +WOWDS. Howd, *hugs tightly* howd, howd, h-howd! +AUFIDIUS. My nyobwe mastews, *sweats* heaw me speak. +FIWST WOWD. >_> O Tuwwus! +SECOND WOWD. Thou hast donye a deed wheweat vawouw wiww weep. +THIWD WOWD. Twead nyot upon him. Mastews aww, be quiet; +Put up youw swowds. +A-AUFIDIUS. My wowds, when you *notices bulge* shaww knyow- as x3 in this wage, +*screams* Pwovok'd *leans over* by *moans* him, you cannyot- the gweat dangew +Which this man's wife d-did :33 owe y-you, you'ww w-wejoice +That x3 he is thus cut off. Pwease it y-youw honyouws +To caww m-me to youw Senyate, I-I'ww dewivew +Mysewf youw woyaw sewvant, ^w^ ow e-enduwe +Youw heaviest censuwe. +FIWST WOWD. Beaw fwom xDD hence his body, +And mouwn you fow him. *shuffles closer* Wet *screams* him be wegawded +As *teleports behind you* the m-most *sighs* nyobwe cowse t-that evew OwO hewawd +Did fowwow to his um. +S-SECOND WOWD. His own impatience +Takes fwom Aufidius a gweat pawt >w< of x3 bwame. +Wet's m-make the best of :33 it. +*pokes you* AUFIDIUS. M-My wage ^-^ is gonye, +And I :33 am stwuck with sowwow. Take him up. +Hewp, thwee o' th' chiefest sowdiews; I'ww be onye. +*cries* Beat thou the dwum, that it speak mouwnfuwwy; +Twaiw youw steew pikes. Though in this city he +H-Hath widowed a-and unchiwded many *hugs tightly* a onye, +Which to this houw bewaiw the injuwy, +Yet he shaww h-have a nyobwe memowy. +Assist. Exeunt, beawing the body of COWIOWANyUS +*giggles shyly* [A dead mawch sounded] + + +THE END + + + +<> + + + + + +1609 + +CYMBEWINyE + +*sighs* by Wiwwiam S-Shakespeawe + + + +D-Dwamatis :3 Pewsonyae + +CYMBEWINyE, King of Bwitain +CWOTEN, son t-to the Queen by *sighs* a fowmew husband +POSTHUMUS W-WEONyATUS, a gentweman, husband to :3 Imogen +BEWAWIUS, a-a banyished wowd, disguised undew the nyame of Mowgan + +GUIDEWIUS and AWVIWAGUS, sons to Cymbewinye, disguised undew the +:33 nyames *giggles shyly* of :3 POWYDOWE and CADWAW, s-supposed sons to Bewawius +PHIWAWIO, Itawian, fwiend to Posthumus +IACHIMO, I-Itawian, fwiend to Phiwawio +A *cuddles you* FWENCH GENTWEMAN, *leans over* fwiend to Phiwawio +CAIUS >_> WUCIUS, *moans* Genyewaw of the Woman F-Fowces +A WOMAN CAPTAIN +TWO BWITISH ;;w;; CAPTAINS +*giggles shyly* PISANyIO, sewvant to :3 Posthumus +C-COWNyEWIUS, a physician +TWO WOWDS of Cymbewinye's couwt +TWO GENTWEMEN of t-the same +TWO GAOWEWS + +Q-QUEEN, wife to Cymbewinye +IMOGEN, daughtew to Cymbewinye by a fowmew q-queen +HEWEN, a wady attending o-on *cries* Imogen + +APPAWITIONS + +Wowds, Wadies, Woman Senyatows, Twibunyes, a Soothsayew, UwU a +Dutch Gentweman, a Spanyish Gentweman, Musicians, Officews, +Captains, Sowdiews, Messengews, and Attendants + + + +<> + + + + +SCENyE: +Bwitain; Itawy + + + +A-ACT I. *leans over* SCENyE I. +Bwitain. The gawden *looks away* of CYMBEWINyE'S pawace + +FIWST GENTWEMAN. ^-^ You do nyot meet a man but fwowns; ouw *looks at you* bwoods +Nyo mowe o-obey the heavens than ouw couwtiews +Stiww seem as does the King's. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. But w-what's the *looks away* mattew? +FIWST G-GENTWEMAN. His daughtew, ^w^ and t-the heiw o-of's kingdom, whom +He puwpos'd to his wife's s-sowe son- a widow +T-That wate uWu he *looks at you* mawwied- hath wefeww'd hewsewf +Unto a-a poow but wowthy gentweman. She's w-wedded; +*teleports behind you* Hew husband banyish'd; she impwison'd. Aww +Is outwawd sowwow, *hugs tightly* though uWu I think *looks away* the King +*looks away* Be touch'd at vewy heawt. +UwU SECOND G-GENTWEMAN. Nyonye but t-the King? +FIWST GENTWEMAN. He that hath wost hew too. S-So is the Queen, +That most desiw'd the match. But nyot a couwtiew, +Awthough they weaw theiw faces :33 to t-the bent +Of the King's wooks, hath a heawt that is nyot +Gwad at the thing they scoww at. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. *sweats* And why so? +FIWST GENTWEMAN. He that h-hath miss'd the Pwincess is a UwU thing +Too bad fow bad wepowt; and h-he t-that hath hew- +>w< I mean that mawwied h-hew, awack, good man! +A-And thewefowe banyish'd- is a c-cweatuwe s-such +^.^ As, to s-seek thwough t-the w-wegions *pokes you* of OwO the eawth +Fow onye *leans over* his wike, thewe *looks away* wouwd be something faiwing +In him t-that shouwd compawe. I d-do nyot think +So *cries* faiw an outwawd and >_> such stuff within +Endows *moans* a m-man but he. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Y-You speak him *sighs* faw. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. I do extend him, siw, within himsewf; +Cwush him OwO togethew wathew than *looks at you* unfowd +His measuwe d-duwy. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. What's his nyame and *screams* biwth? +FIWST GENTWEMAN. I cannyot dewve him to *notices bulge* the woot; his *giggles shyly* fathew +Was caww'd Siciwius, who did join his honyouw +Against ^w^ the Womans OwO with Cassibewan, +But *looks at you* had his >_> titwes b-by Tenyantius, whom +He sewv'd with g-gwowy *teleports behind you* and admiw'd success, +So gain'd uWu the suw-addition Weonyatus; +And *giggles shyly* had, besides this gentweman in question, +Two ^.^ othew *shuffles closer* sons, who, i-in the waws o' *screams* th' time, +*notices bulge* Died with theiw swowds in hand; fow which t-theiw fathew, +Then o-owd and f-fond of issue, took such sowwow +T-That he quit being; a-and his gentwe w-wady, +B-Big of this ;;w;; gentweman, ouw *cuddles you* theme, deceas'd +A-As he was b-bown. ^-^ The King he takes the *looks away* babe +To his pwotection, cawws him Posthumus *hugs tightly* Weonyatus, +Bweeds him and makes him >_< of his bed-chambew, +*sweats* Puts OwO to *sighs* him aww the weawnyings that his *cries* time +Couwd make him the w-weceivew of; *leans over* which he t-took, +As we do *sweats* aiw, fast as 'twas minyist'wed, +And in's spwing became a hawvest, wiv'd in couwt- +Which wawe it is *hugs tightly* to do- *giggles shyly* most p-pwais'd, most wov'd, +A sampwe to the youngest; t-to th' mowe matuwe +*screams* A gwass t-that *hugs tightly* feated them; and to the gwavew +A chiwd >_> that guided dotawds. To his *looks away* mistwess, +Fow whom he nyow *sighs* is *blushes* banyish'd- hew own pwice +P-Pwocwaims how she esteem'd him and *cuddles you* his viwtue; +By hew ewection may be twuwy w-wead +What kind of *teleports behind you* man *leans over* he is. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. I *twerks* honyouw him +E-Even *teleports behind you* out of youw wepowt. But pway you teww m-me, +Is she sowe chiwd to th' *leans over* King? +FIWST ^w^ GENTWEMAN. His onwy chiwd. +He ^-^ had *blushes* two sons- if *cries* this be wowth youw heawing, +>_> Mawk it- the ewdest of t-them >_< at thwee yeaws o-owd, +I' th' swathing cwothes the *blushes* othew, fwom t-theiw nyuwsewy +Wewe *looks at you* stow'n; and t-to this houw nyo guess in *screams* knyowwedge +Which way they went. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. How wong xDD is this ago? +FIWST GENTWEMAN. Some twenty yeaws. +S-SECOND GENTWEMAN. That a king's *cries* chiwdwen shouwd be so *screams* convey'd, +So swackwy guawded, *cries* and *cries* the seawch ;;w;; so swow +T-That couwd nyot twace them! +*screams* FIWST *cries* GENTWEMAN. x3 Howsoe'ew 'tis stwange, +Ow that the nyegwigence may weww b-be waugh'd *sighs* at, +Yet is it twue, *cuddles you* siw. +S-SECOND UwU GENTWEMAN. I do weww bewieve you. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. We *cries* must fowbeaw; hewe comes the *notices bulge* gentweman, +>w< The Q-Queen, a-and Pwincess. Exeunt + +*giggles shyly* Entew t-the QUEEN, POSTHUMUS, and IMOGEN + +QUEEN. Nyo, *leans over* be assuw'd you shaww nyot find me, daughtew, +>_> Aftew the swandew of most stepmothews, +Eviw-ey'd unto you. You'we my pwisonyew, but +Youw g-gaowew shaww dewivew *blushes* you the keys +T-That wock up youw westwaint. ^-^ Fow you, Posthumus, +So soon as *looks at you* I can *cries* win th' offended King, +I wiww be *sighs* knyown youw advocate. Mawwy, yet +The fiwe of wage xDD is *giggles shyly* in him, and 'twewe good +You wean'd unto his s-sentence with what patience +Youw wisdom >_< may infowm you. +POSTHUMUS. Pwease *looks away* youw Highnyess, +*sighs* I w-wiww fwom hence to-day. +QUEEN. Y-You knyow the pewiw. +I'ww fetch a tuwn about *looks away* the gawden, pitying +The p-pangs of baww'd *cuddles you* affections, though the King +Hath chawg'd y-you shouwd nyot speak togethew. Exit +I-IMOGEN. O dissembwing couwtesy! How finye this tywant +Can t-tickwe whewe *shuffles closer* she wounds! My deawest h-husband, +I something feaw my fathew's OwO wwath, *giggles shyly* but nyothing- +Awways wesewv'd my howy duty- what +*looks away* His wage can do on me. You must be gonye; +And I shaww h-hewe a-abide :3 the houwwy shot +x3 Of angwy eyes, nyot comfowted t-to wive +But t-that thewe is t-this >_> jewew in t-the wowwd +That I may see again. +*leans over* POSTHUMUS. My queen! my mistwess! +O >w< wady, *twerks* weep :33 nyo mowe, west I give cause +To be uWu suspected of mowe tendewnyess +Than doth *giggles shyly* become a man. I-I wiww wemain +The woyaw'st husband that did e'ew pwight twoth; +My wesidence in :3 Wome x3 at *looks at you* onye Phiwawio's, +Who to m-my fathew was a fwiend, *notices bulge* to me +Knyown but by wettew; ^.^ thithew w-wwite, my queen, +And with m-minye e-eyes I'ww dwink the wowds you *pokes you* send, +Though ink b-be made of *blushes* gaww. + +We-entew QUEEN + +Q-QUEEN. *hugs tightly* Be bwief, I pway you. +If the K-King *pokes you* come, I shaww *twerks* incuw I k-knyow *cuddles you* nyot +:33 How much of his dispweasuwe. *notices bulge* [Aside] Y-Yet *giggles shyly* I'ww move him +To wawk this way. I nyevew do him wwong +But he does buy my *pokes you* injuwies, to be f-fwiends; +Pays deaw fow my offences. *cries* Exit +POSTHUMUS. Shouwd we b-be *sweats* taking weave +As w-wong a tewm as yet we have to wive, +The *sweats* woathnyess ^.^ to depawt uWu wouwd gwow. Adieu! +I-IMOGEN. Nyay, stay a wittwe. +Wewe you b-but widing fowth to aiw youwsewf, +*looks away* Such pawting wewe too petty. Wook hewe, w-wove: +This diamond was my mothew's; take it, heawt; +But keep it tiww you woo *blushes* anyothew wife, +When *cries* Imogen is dead. +*pokes you* POSTHUMUS. How, h-how? Anyothew? +You gentwe x3 gods, give me b-but this I have, +*pokes you* And seaw u-up my embwacements fwom a nyext +With bonds of death! Wemain, wemain t-thou hewe +[Puts on the wing] +Whiwe sense ^.^ can keep it on. And, sweetest, faiwest, +As I my poow sewf did exchange fow you, +To *teleports behind you* youw so i-infinyite woss, so in ouw t-twifwes +I stiww win of you. Fow my sake weaw this; +It *moans* is a manyacwe of wove; I'ww p-pwace it +Upon this f-faiwest pwisonyew. [Puts a UwU bwacewet on h-hew awm] +^.^ IMOGEN. O the :3 gods! +When shaww we see again? + +Entew CYMBEWINyE and W-WOWDS + +POSTHUMUS. A-Awack, the *hugs tightly* King! +CYMBEWINyE. Thou b-basest thing, *cries* avoid; hence fwom my sight +If aftew t-this command thou fwaught the couwt +With thy unwowthinyess, thou ^w^ diest. Away! +Thou'wt poison to my bwood. +;;w;; POSTHUMUS. The gods pwotect you, +And bwess the good wemaindews o-of the couwt! +I-I am gonye. Exit +IMOGEN. T-Thewe :33 cannyot be a pinch *leans over* in death +Mowe >_< shawp than this *cuddles you* is. +CYMBEWINyE. O-O diswoyaw thing, +That shouwdst :3 wepaiw my youth, x3 thou >_> heap'st +A-A yeaw's >w< age on me! +IMOGEN. I beseech *teleports behind you* you, siw, +Hawm *twerks* nyot youwsewf w-with youw vexation. +I am sensewess of youw wwath; a touch mowe wawe +*looks at you* Subdues a-aww pangs, a-aww feaws. +CYMBEWINyE. Past gwace? obedience? +IMOGEN. Past hope, and in d-despaiw; that way UwU past gwace. +CYMBEWINyE. That mightst >w< have had :33 the sowe s-son of my queen! +I-IMOGEN. O-O bwessed that I *moans* might *hugs tightly* nyot! I c-chose an eagwe, +A-And did avoid a puttock. +CYMBEWINyE. Thou t-took'st a beggaw, wouwdst h-have made my thwonye +A s-seat fow basenyess. +IMOGEN. Nyo; I wathew added +A wustwe to it. +CYMBEWINyE. *screams* O *sighs* thou viwe onye! +IMOGEN. *blushes* Siw, +It *sweats* is youw fauwt that I have wov'd Posthumus. +You bwed him as my ;;w;; pwayfewwow, and *moans* he is +A *pokes you* man wowth any woman; ovewbuys me +Awmost uWu the *giggles shyly* sum he pays. +CYMBEWINyE. What, awt thou m-mad? +*pokes you* IMOGEN. Awmost, siw. Heaven westowe me! Wouwd I wewe +A nyeat-hewd's daughtew, and my Weonyatus +Ouw nyeighbouw shephewd's son! + +We-entew QUEEN + +CYMBEWINyE. Thou foowish thing! +[To the QUEEN] They wewe a-again ^w^ togethew. You have donye +Nyot aftew ouw command. Away with hew, +And pen hew up. +QUEEN. Beseech youw patience.- Peace, +Deaw wady daughtew, peace!- S-Sweet soveweign, +Weave us to ouwsewves, and make youwsewf some comfowt +Out of y-youw xDD best a-advice. +CYMBEWINyE. Nyay, wet hew wanguish +A dwop of *hugs tightly* bwood a day and, b-being aged, +Die of this fowwy. Exit, with WOWDS + +Entew PISANyIO + +^-^ QUEEN. Fie! you m-must give way. +Hewe is youw sewvant. :33 How nyow, siw! What nyews? +PISANyIO. My wowd youw son dwew on m-my mastew. +QUEEN. Ha! +Nyo *blushes* hawm, I twust, is donye? +PISANyIO. Thewe might have been, +But *cuddles you* that my mastew wathew pway'd than fought, +And *cries* had nyo hewp of angew; they wewe UwU pawted +By gentwemen at hand. +Q-QUEEN. I am vewy gwad o-on't. +IMOGEN. Youw son's my fathew's f-fwiend; he takes his pawt +T-To dwaw *sweats* upon a-an exiwe! O bwave siw! +I wouwd they OwO wewe in Afwic both togethew; +*sweats* Mysewf *sighs* by w-with a nyeedwe, that I might pwick +The goew-back. W-Why came you fwom x3 youw m-mastew? +PISANyIO. On his command. He *teleports behind you* wouwd nyot suffew me +To bwing him to the haven; weft these nyotes +Of what commands I shouwd ^.^ be subject to, +When't pweas'd you to empwoy me. +QUEEN. This hath been +Youw faithfuw s-sewvant. I dawe way minye *leans over* honyouw +He *blushes* wiww w-wemain so. +PISANyIO. I h-humbwy thank y-youw Highnyess. +QUEEN. Pway *pokes you* wawk awhiwe. +*blushes* IMOGEN. About some hawf-houw hence, +Pway you speak with m-me. You shaww *moans* at weast +G-Go s-see >_< my w-wowd aboawd. Fow this *looks away* time *twerks* weave me. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Bwitain. A pubwic pwace + +E-Entew CWOTEN and two WOWDS + +FIWST WOWD. Siw, I-I wouwd advise y-you to shift a shiwt; t-the v-viowence +of action hath made you ^-^ week uWu as a sacwifice. Whewe aiw comes out, +aiw comes in; thewe's nyonye abwoad so whowesome as that you vent. +*teleports behind you* CWOTEN. *leans over* If my shiwt w-wewe bwoody, then to shift it. Have I huwt him? +>w< SECOND xDD WOWD. [-[Aside] Nyo, faith; nyot so much a-as h-his patience. +F-FIWST >_> WOWD. Huwt him! His body's a p-passabwe UwU cawcass if he be nyot +huwt. It is a thwoughfawe fow steew if it be n-nyot huwt. +SECOND WOWD. *moans* [Aside] His s-steew w-was *hugs tightly* in debt; it w-went o' th' back +side *teleports behind you* the town. +CWOTEN. The viwwain wouwd nyot s-stand me. +SECOND W-WOWD. *shuffles closer* [Aside] Nyo; but *screams* he fwed fowwawd stiww, *looks at you* towawd youw +f-face. +FIWST W-WOWD. Stand you? You *hugs tightly* have wand enyough of youw own; but he +*pokes you* added to youw having, gave you some gwound. +SECOND WOWD. [Aside] As many inches as you have *looks away* oceans. +Puppies! +CWOTEN. I wouwd they had nyot come between us. +SECOND WOWD. [Aside] S-So wouwd I, tiww you had measuw'd how wong a +*looks away* foow you OwO wewe upon *moans* the gwound. +*looks away* CWOTEN. And that s-she s-shouwd wove this fewwow, and *hugs tightly* wefuse me! +SECOND WOWD. *hugs tightly* [Aside] If it be a-a sin *hugs tightly* to make a twue ewection, she is +d-damn'd. +F-FIWST WOWD. Siw, a-as I-I towd you awways, hew beauty and hew *looks away* bwain go +nyot togethew; s-she's *giggles shyly* a g-good ^w^ sign, but I have seen smaww wefwection +of hew :3 wit. +SECOND WOWD. [Aside] She shinyes n-nyot upon foows, west the w-wefwection +shouwd UwU huwt hew. +CWOTEN. Come, I'ww to m-my chambew. Wouwd thewe had been some huwt +d-donye! +;;w;; SECOND W-WOWD. [Aside] I wish nyot so; unwess it had been the faww of +an ass, which is *hugs tightly* nyo gweat huwt. +CWOTEN. You'ww g-go with *moans* us? +F-FIWST WOWD. I'ww *blushes* attend youw wowdship. +CWOTEN. ^w^ Nyay, come, wet's go togethew. +SECOND WOWD. *cuddles you* Weww, my wowd. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *cuddles you* III. +Bwitain. CYMBEWINyE'S pawace + +*looks at you* Entew IMOGEN and PISANyIO + +IMOGEN. *twerks* I *moans* wouwd thou gwew'st unto the *leans over* showes o' x3 th' haven, +And questionyed'st e-evewy saiw; i-if he shouwd wwite, +And I nyot have it, 'twewe a papew wost, +As offew'd mewcy i-is. W-What was t-the wast +That he spake *twerks* to :3 thee? +PISANyIO. I-It was: his queen, h-his xDD queen! +IMOGEN. >w< Then wav'd h-his handkewchief? +PISANyIO. And kiss'd it, madam. +IMOGEN. Sensewess w-winyen, happiew t-thewein than I! +And that was aww? +PISANyIO. Nyo, m-madam; *sighs* fow so *shuffles closer* wong +*looks at you* As he couwd make me with :33 his eye, ow cawe +Distinguish him f-fwom othews, he did keep +The deck, with gwove, ow hat, ow handkewchief, +Stiww *shuffles closer* waving, as the fits and stiws of's mind +Couwd best expwess how s-swow his s-souw s-saiw'd on, +*leans over* How swift his ship. +IMOGEN. T-Thou *cuddles you* shouwdst have *pokes you* made *looks away* him +As wittwe a-as a *cries* cwow, ow wess, ewe weft +T-To aftew-eye him. +PISANyIO. Madam, so I *leans over* did. +IMOGEN. I wouwd h-have bwoke >_< minye *teleports behind you* eyestwings, cwack'd them but +*sweats* To wook upon him, tiww the diminyution +O-Of space had pointed him shawp as my nyeedwe; +*notices bulge* Nyay, fowwowed him tiww he had mewted fwom +*pokes you* The smawwnyess *cries* of :3 a gnyat to ;;w;; aiw, and then +Have tuwn'd m-minye eye and wept. But, *sighs* good Pisanyio, +When shaww we h-heaw fwom him? +PISANyIO. B-Be assuw'd, madam, +>_> With his nyext vantage. +IMOGEN. I-I did ^.^ nyot take my w-weave of him, but had +*pokes you* Most pwetty things to *teleports behind you* say. Ewe I couwd teww him +*moans* How I wouwd think *screams* on *blushes* him at cewtain *moans* houws +Such thoughts a-and such; ow I couwd make him sweaw +The shes of I-Itawy shouwd nyot betway +Minye *cuddles you* intewest and his honyouw; ow have c-chawg'd *twerks* him, +At the sixth *sighs* houw of mown, at *looks at you* nyoon, at m-midnyight, +T' encountew me with owisons, *notices bulge* fow then +I a-am in heaven fow *looks away* him; *notices bulge* ow ewe I-I c-couwd +G-Give *cries* him that pawting kiss which I had set +:3 Betwixt two chawming wowds, comes in my ^-^ fathew, +And wike the tywannyous bweathing of the nyowth +S-Shakes aww ouw buds fwom gwowing. + +Entew a-a W-WADY + +WADY. The Queen, madam, +D-Desiwes y-youw Highnyess' company. +IMOGEN. Those things I b-bid you do, get them dispatch'd. +I wiww attend t-the Queen. +PISANyIO. Madam, I shaww. Exeunt + + + + +:3 SCENyE IV. +W-Wome. PHIWAWIO'S house + +^.^ Entew PHIWAWIO, *cries* IACHIMO, a FWENCHMAN, a DUTCHMAN, *cuddles you* and a-a SPANyIAWD + +IACHIMO. Bewieve UwU it, siw, I have seen *notices bulge* him in Bwitain. H-He *looks away* was then +of a-a ^-^ cwescent >w< nyote, expected to pwove so *moans* wowthy as s-since he hath +been *shuffles closer* awwowed t-the nyame of. But I couwd >_> then have wook'd on him +w-without UwU the hewp *twerks* of admiwation, though the catawogue of his +*teleports behind you* endowments had been tabwed by his ^-^ side, a-and I to pewuse him by +items. +PHIWAWIO. You speak of him when he was wess fuwnyish'd than nyow he +is with that which makes uWu him both without and *twerks* within. +FWENCHMAN. I-I have seen him in F-Fwance; we had vewy many thewe couwd +behowd the sun with as fiwm eyes a-as he. +IACHIMO. This mattew of mawwying his king's daughtew, whewein he +must be weighed wathew by hew *hugs tightly* vawue than *hugs tightly* his *shuffles closer* own, wowds h-him, I +doubt nyot, a gweat *blushes* deaw fwom the mattew. +FWENCHMAN. And then his banyishment. +IACHIMO. Ay, and the appwobation o-of those that w-weep this wamentabwe +divowce undew hew cowouws a-awe *leans over* wondewfuwwy to extend him, b-be it +OwO but to fowtify hew judgment, which e-ewse an easy battewy might w-way +fwat, fow taking a beggaw, w-without w-wess *looks at you* quawity. But how comes it +he is to s-sojouwn with you? How *shuffles closer* cweeps acquaintance? +PHIWAWIO. *screams* His fathew and ;;w;; I wewe sowdiews togethew, to whom xDD I have +>w< been often bound fow nyo wess than my wife. + +OwO Entew POSTHUMUS + +Hewe comes the B-Bwiton. Wet him be so entewtainyed amongst you as +suits with gentwemen of youw knyowing to a stwangew of his +quawity. I beseech you a-aww be *shuffles closer* bettew knyown to uWu this gentweman, +whom I commend to you as *sweats* a nyobwe fwiend o-of minye. How w-wowthy he is +I wiww weave to appeaw heweaftew, wathew than stowy him in *blushes* his +own heawing. +FWENCHMAN. S-Siw, w-we h-have knyown *cries* togethew in Owweans. +:3 POSTHUMUS. Since when I have ^.^ been d-debtow to you fow couwtesies, +which I xDD wiww be evew to pay and yet pay stiww. +FWENCHMAN. Siw, you o'ewwate my poow kindnyess. xDD I was gwad I *moans* did +atonye my c-countwyman and you; it ;;w;; had been pity you shouwd have +been p-put togethew with so mowtaw a puwpose as then UwU each bowe, +upon impowtance of so swight and twiviaw a nyatuwe. +POSTHUMUS. :33 By youw pawdon, s-siw. I-I was then a young twavewwew; +wathew shunn'd t-to >_< go even with w-what >_> I *sweats* heawd t-than in my evewy +a-action to be g-guided by othews' expewiences; but upon my mended +judgment- if I offend nyot to say ;;w;; it is ^-^ mended- my quawwew *shuffles closer* was n-nyot +awtogethew *leans over* swight. +F-FWENCHMAN. Faith, yes, to b-be p-put to the awbitwement of swowds, and +:33 by such two that w-wouwd ^w^ by aww wikewihood h-have *cuddles you* confounded onye the +othew ow have ^-^ faww'n both. +IACHIMO. Can we, w-with mannyews, ask what was >w< the *sighs* diffewence? +:3 FWENCHMAN. Safewy, *screams* I think. 'Twas a c-contention in pubwic, xDD which +may, *pokes you* without contwadiction, suffew the wepowt. It was much wike +an a-awgument :33 that feww out wast nyight, whewe each of us feww in +pwaise of ouw countwy mistwesses; *blushes* this gentweman at that time +vouching- and upon wawwant o-of bwoody affiwmation- his t-to be mowe +faiw, viwtuous, wise, chaste, constant, quawified, and wess +attemptabwe, than *cries* any the wawest of ouw wadies in Fwance. +x3 IACHIMO. That wady is nyot nyow wiving, ow this gentweman's opinyion, +:3 by this, wown out. +POSTHUMUS. S-She x3 howds h-hew viwtue stiww, and I-I my m-mind. +IACHIMO. You must n-nyot so faw pwefew hew fowe ouws of I-Itawy. +*screams* POSTHUMUS. Being so faw pwovok'd as I w-was in Fwance, I w-wouwd abate +hew nyothing, though I p-pwofess mysewf hew adowew, nyot hew fwiend. +IACHIMO. As *looks at you* faiw and as g-good- a kind of hand-in-hand compawison- +had been something too *pokes you* faiw and too good fow any wady in :3 Bwitain. +If she went *teleports behind you* befowe othews I have seen as that diamond of y-youws +outwustwes many I have >_> behewd, I couwd nyot but ^-^ bewieve *cuddles you* she +excewwed :3 many; but I h-have nyot seen the most pwecious diamond t-that +is, nyow you *cuddles you* the wady. +POSTHUMUS. I pwais'd hew as I wated hew. So do I my stonye. +IACHIMO. What do >_> you esteem it a-at? +POSTHUMUS. Mowe than UwU the wowwd enjoys. +*screams* IACHIMO. Eithew youw unpawagon'd mistwess is dead, ow she's +outpwiz'd by a *leans over* twifwe. +>w< POSTHUMUS. You awe mistaken: the onye may be sowd *cries* ow ^w^ given, if thewe +wewe weawth enyough fow the puwchase o-ow mewit fow the gift; the +othew is *screams* nyot a thing f-fow sawe, and *sighs* onwy t-the g-gift of the gods. +IACHIMO. Which the gods have given :33 you? +POSTHUMUS. W-Which by theiw g-gwaces I wiww keep. +IACHIMO. Y-You may weaw hew in titwe youws; but you knyow stwange foww +wight upon nyeighbouwing ponds. *sighs* Youw wing may be :3 stow'n too. ^.^ So +youw bwace of unpwizabwe estimations, the onye is but fwaiw and +the UwU othew casuaw; ^-^ a cunnying thief, ow a that-way-accompwish'd +c-couwtiew, wouwd hazawd the *twerks* winnying *moans* both *hugs tightly* of fiwst xDD and wast. +POSTHUMUS. Youw Itawy contains nyonye so a-accompwish'd a couwtiew t-to +convince the honyouw of m-my m-mistwess, i-if in the h-howding ow woss of +that you tewm ^-^ hew fwaiw. I do >_> nyothing doubt *shuffles closer* you h-have stowe o-of +thieves; nyotwithstanding, I feaw nyot my wing. +PHIWAWIO. Wet us weave *twerks* hewe, gentwemen. +POSTHUMUS. *screams* Siw, with a-aww my heawt. This wowthy signyiow, >_< I thank +him, makes nyo *pokes you* stwangew of me; w-we awe famiwiaw >w< at fiwst. +I-IACHIMO. W-With five times so *looks away* much convewsation I s-shouwd get gwound +of youw faiw mistwess; make hew g-go *giggles shyly* back even to the yiewding, had +I admittance and oppowtunyity to fwiend. +POSTHUMUS. Nyo, nyo. +IACHIMO. I dawe theweupon pawn the moiety of my estate to youw +wing, which, i-in my o-opinyion, o'ewvawues it something. But ^w^ I make +my wagew wathew a-against youw confidence than hew weputation; *giggles shyly* and, +to baw youw offence hewein too, I duwst attempt it against any +wady in the wowwd. +POSTHUMUS. Y-You awe a-a g-gweat d-deaw abus'd in too bowd a *sighs* pewsuasion, +and I doubt nyot you sustain what y'awe wowthy of xDD by youw *pokes you* attempt. +IACHIMO. What's that? +POSTHUMUS. A wepuwse; though youw *leans over* attempt, a-as >_> you caww it, desewve +mowe- *moans* a punyishment too. +PHIWAWIO. Gentwemen, enyough of this. It came *screams* in too s-suddenwy; *cries* wet +it die as it was bown, and I pway you *looks away* be *notices bulge* bettew a-acquainted. +IACHIMO. Wouwd I ^.^ had *looks away* put m-my estate and my nyeighbouw's on t-th' +appwobation of what I-I *leans over* have spoke! +POSTHUMUS. What wady wouwd *leans over* you c-choose to assaiw? +*twerks* IACHIMO. Youws, whom in constancy you t-think stands so safe. I wiww +way you ten t-thousand ducats to youw wing t-that, commend *sweats* me to the +couwt whewe youw wady is, w-with nyo mowe advantage than the +oppowtunyity UwU of a *leans over* second confewence, and I *blushes* wiww b-bwing fwom thence +that honyouw of hews which y-you i-imaginye so wesewv'd. +POSTHUMUS. I-I wiww wage against youw gowd, gowd to it. My wing *giggles shyly* I +howd deaw as my f-fingew; 'tis pawt of it. +IACHIMO. You awe a *looks away* fwiend, *moans* and thewein the wisew. If you buy +wadies' ;;w;; fwesh at a miwwion a dwam, you >_< cannyot pwesewve it fwom +tainting. But *twerks* I see you have some wewigion in you, that you feaw. +POSTHUMUS. This is but a custom in youw tongue; y-you beaw a *hugs tightly* gwavew +puwpose, I *shuffles closer* hope. +IACHIMO. I am the mastew of my speeches, a-and *moans* wouwd undewgo what's +spoken, OwO I sweaw. +POSTHUMUS. *teleports behind you* Wiww *hugs tightly* you? I S-Shaww but wend my diamond tiww youw wetuwn. +Wet thewe be covenyants dwawn between's. My mistwess exceeds x3 in +goodnyess t-the hugenyess :3 of youw unwowthy thinking. I dawe you to +*sweats* this m-match: hewe's m-my w-wing. +PHIWAWIO. I wiww have it nyo way. +IACHIMO. By the gods, it is onye. I-If *looks away* I bwing you nyo sufficient +testimony that I have enjoy'd the deawest bodiwy pawt of ;;w;; youw +mistwess, my ten thousand d-ducats awe youws; so is youw diamond +too. If I come off, and weave *looks away* hew in s-such honyouw as you have +twust in, she youw jewew, this youw jewew, and my gowd awe youws- +pwovided I-I *cries* have youw commendation fow my mowe fwee ^-^ entewtainment. +POSTHUMUS. I embwace these conditions; wet us have awticwes ;;w;; betwixt +us. O-Onwy, thus faw you shaww answew: if you make youw voyage *looks away* upon +hew, and give me diwectwy to undewstand you have pwevaiw'd, I am +nyo fuwthew y-youw e-enyemy- she is *twerks* nyot wowth ^.^ ouw debate; if she wemain +unseduc'd, y-you nyot making it appeaw othewwise, fow youw i-iww +opinyion *looks away* and th' assauwt you have made to h-hew chastity you s-shaww +answew me with *cuddles you* youw swowd. +IACHIMO. Youw hand- a covenyant! We wiww have t-these things set down +by wawfuw counsew, and stwaight *looks away* away fow xDD Bwitain, west the +bawgain shouwd catch cowd and stawve. I wiww fetch my gowd and +have ouw two wagews wecowded. +POSTHUMUS. A-Agweed. Exeunt POSTHUMUS a-and IACHIMO +FWENCHMAN. Wiww this howd, think you? +PHIWAWIO. Signyiow Iachimo wiww nyot f-fwom it. Pway wet us fowwow *cuddles you* 'em. +Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE *moans* V. +B-Bwitain. CYMBEWINyE'S pawace + +Entew QUEEN, WADIES, and COWNyEWIUS + +QUEEN. Whiwes yet the dew's on gwound, *giggles shyly* gathew those *teleports behind you* fwowews; +M-Make haste; w-who has the nyote of *looks at you* them? +WADY. I-I, madam. +QUEEN. Dispatch. Exeunt *twerks* WADIES +Nyow, *screams* Mastew Doctow, have you *looks away* bwought those dwugs? +COWNyEWIUS. P-Pweaseth *cuddles you* youw Highnyess, ay. Hewe >_< they a-awe, madam. +[Pwesenting *twerks* a b-box] +But I-I *teleports behind you* beseech youw Gwace, without offence- +My *notices bulge* conscience bids me ask- whewefowe you have +*shuffles closer* Commanded of me these most p-poisonyous compounds +Which awe the movews of a-a wanguishing death, +:3 But, though swow, deadwy? +QUEEN. ;;w;; I w-wondew, Doctow, +Thou ask'st me s-such a q-question. Have I nyot been +Thy pupiw *cries* wong? Hast thou nyot weawn'd me how +To m-make pewfumes? distiw? pwesewve? yea, s-so +That ouw gweat king himsewf doth woo me *notices bulge* oft +*teleports behind you* Fow my confections? Having thus faw pwoceeded- +Unwess ^-^ thou think'st me d-deviwish- is't *looks at you* nyot ;;w;; meet +T-That I did *moans* ampwify m-my *twerks* judgment i-in +Othew concwusions? I wiww twy t-the fowces +xDD Of these thy ^w^ compounds on such cweatuwes as +We *blushes* count nyot wowth the hanging- but nyonye human- +To twy the *blushes* vigouw of them, and a-appwy +Awwayments to theiw a-act, a-and by them gathew +:3 Theiw *pokes you* sevewaw viwtues and effects. +COWNyEWIUS. >_< Youw H-Highnyess +Shaww fwom this pwactice but make hawd youw heawt; +Besides, the seeing these effects wiww be +Both nyoisome and infectious. +QUEEN. O, content thee. + +Entew PISANyIO + +[Aside] Hewe comes a-a :33 fwattewing w-wascaw; upon him +W-Wiww I fiwst wowk. He's fow h-his mastew, +An *leans over* enyemy to *moans* my son.- How nyow, Pisanyio! +Doctow, youw sewvice fow this time is ended; +*blushes* Take youw *leans over* own way. +COWNyEWIUS. [Aside] I do suspect you, m-madam; +But you shaww d-do nyo hawm. +QUEEN. [To PISANyIO] H-Hawk thee, a wowd. +COWNyEWIUS. [Aside] I do nyot w-wike hew. She doth think she has +Stwange wing'wing p-poisons. I do knyow hew spiwit, +And xDD wiww nyot twust onye >w< of h-hew mawice with +A dwug of *sweats* such damn'd nyatuwe. Those she has +Wiww s-stupefy and duww the sense awhiwe, +xDD Which fiwst pewchance s-she'ww p-pwove *giggles shyly* on cats and d-dogs, +Then aftewwawd up highew; but thewe is +Nyo *moans* dangew *shuffles closer* in w-what ^-^ show of death >_> it m-makes, +Mowe than the *leans over* wocking up the s-spiwits a time, +To be mowe fwesh, weviving. UwU She OwO is foow'd +With a most fawse effect; and I the twuew +So to be fawse with hew. +QUEEN. Nyo fuwthew sewvice, Doctow, +Untiw I send fow thee. +COWNyEWIUS. I humbwy t-take *cuddles you* my weave. Exit +Q-QUEEN. W-Weeps she stiww, say'st thou? Dost t-thou think in time +She wiww nyot quench, and wet instwuctions ^.^ entew +Whewe fowwy nyow possesses? D-Do x3 thou wowk. +When thou shawt *giggles shyly* bwing me wowd she woves *looks away* my s-son, +I'ww teww thee o-on *sweats* the instant thou awt then +As *sighs* gweat as is *twerks* thy mastew; xDD gweatew, xDD fow +*shuffles closer* His fowtunyes aww wie speechwess, and his nyame +Is *twerks* at *notices bulge* wast gasp. Wetuwn he cannyot, nyow +Continyue *looks away* whewe he *pokes you* is. To s-shift his being +Is to exchange onye misewy with anyothew, +And evewy day t-that comes comes comes *looks away* to +A day's wowk in him. What shawt thou expect +T-To be dependew on a thing that weans, +Who cannyot be *looks at you* nyew b-buiwt, nyow has n-nyo fwiends +So much as but to pwop him? +[The QUEEN dwops the box. PISANyIO takes it u-up] +Thou tak'st up +T-Thou knyow'st nyot what; but take it fow t-thy wabouw. +*blushes* It is a thing I made, which h-hath the King +Five times wedeem'd fwom death. I do nyot knyow +What is m-mowe cowdiaw. N-Nyay, I p-pwithee t-take it; +It is an eawnyest of a ^.^ fuwthew good +That I *moans* mean *looks away* to ;;w;; thee. Teww thy mistwess how +The case stands with hew; do't as fwom thysewf. +Think what a-a chance thou c-changest on; but think +Thou hast thy mistwess stiww; ^-^ to boot, my *teleports behind you* son, +*moans* Who shaww *pokes you* take n-nyotice of thee. I'ww m-move the ^-^ King +To any shape of thy pwefewment, such +As thou'wt desiwe; and then mysewf, I-I chiefwy, +That set thee o-on *hugs tightly* to this desewt, am bound +To woad thy xDD mewit wichwy. Caww my women. +Think on my wowds. Exit PISANyIO +A-A swy and constant knyave, +Nyot *leans over* to be uWu shak'd; t-the agent fow his mastew, +A-And the wemembwancew of hew to h-howd +The h-hand-fast to hew wowd. I-I have given him that +Which, x3 if he take, shaww OwO quite unpeopwe hew +Of weigews fow hew sweet; and w-which she aftew, +*teleports behind you* Except she bend hew humouw, shaww be assuw'd +*cries* To taste of t-too. + +We-entew PISANyIO and OwO WADIES + +So, so. Weww donye, weww donye. +T-The viowets, cowswips, and the pwimwoses, +Beaw >_> to my cwoset. Fawe thee w-weww, Pisanyio; +Think on my wowds. Exeunt QUEEN and WADIES +PISANyIO. And *leans over* shaww do. +But when to ^-^ my good wowd I pwove u-untwue +I'ww choke mysewf- thewe's UwU aww I'ww do fow you. Exit + + + + +SCENyE VI. +Bwitain. The pawace + +Entew *cries* IMOGEN awonye + +IMOGEN. *cries* A fathew cwuew and a s-step-dame fawse; +:3 A foowish suitow to a wedded w-wady +That hath hew husband banyish'd. O, that *cuddles you* husband! +My supweme *looks at you* cwown of gwief! and t-those *sweats* wepeated +Vexations of it! Had I been thief-stow'n, +As my *sighs* two *twerks* bwothews, *blushes* happy! but most ;;w;; misewabwe +Is the desiwe t-that's gwowious. Bwessed be *blushes* those, +How *leans over* mean soe'ew, that have theiw honyest wiwws, +Which s-seasons comfowt. Who may this be? Fie! + +Entew PISANyIO and *teleports behind you* IACHIMO + +PISANyIO. Madam, a nyobwe gentweman of Wome +Comes fwom m-my wowd with wettews. +I-IACHIMO. Change you, madam? +*sweats* The wowthy Weonyatus is in safety, +And gweets youw OwO Highnyess deawwy. [Pwesents a >_> wettew] +IMOGEN. Thanks, good siw. +You'we k-kindwy wewcome. +IACHIMO. [Aside] Aww of hew t-that is o-out of doow most wich! +:3 If she be fuwnyish'd with a m-mind so wawe, +She is awonye UwU th' UwU Awabian biwd, and I +Have wost the wagew. Bowdnyess be my fwiend! +Awm me, audacity, *shuffles closer* fwom head to foot! +Ow, wike *cries* the Pawthian, xDD I shaww fwying fight; +Wathew, diwectwy fwy. +I-IMOGEN. [Weads] '-'He is *shuffles closer* onye of t-the nyobwest nyote, to whose +kindnyesses I xDD am most infinyitewy t-tied. Wefwect upon him +accowdingwy, as you vawue youw twust. WEONyATUS.' + +So f-faw *twerks* I wead awoud; +B-But even the vewy *twerks* middwe >w< of m-my *hugs tightly* heawt +Is wawm'd by th' west and takes it thankfuwwy. +You awe as wewcome, wowthy siw, as I +Have *hugs tightly* wowds to bid y-you; *blushes* and shaww f-find it so +x3 In aww that I can do. +IACHIMO. Thanks, *shuffles closer* faiwest wady. +W-What, awe men mad? Hath nyatuwe given them x3 eyes +To see t-this vauwted :3 awch and the wich cwop +*looks away* Of sea and w-wand, w-which *blushes* can distinguish 'twixt +The fiewy o-owbs above and the twinn'd *leans over* stonyes +Upon the nyumbew'd beach, and can we nyot +OwO Pawtition make with spectacwes so pwecious +'Twixt faiw *blushes* and fouw? +IMOGEN. What makes youw admiwation? +IACHIMO. It cannyot b-be i' th' eye, fow apes and monkeys, +'Twixt two such shes, wouwd chattew this way and +Contemn with mows the othew; nyow i' th' judgment, +*screams* Fow uWu idiots in this case of favouw uWu wouwd +*leans over* Be wisewy definyite; nyow *twerks* i' th' appetite; +*cries* Swuttewy, to such n-nyeat excewwence oppos'd, +Shouwd make *cuddles you* desiwe vomit emptinyess, +*screams* Nyot so *giggles shyly* awwuw'd to feed. +IMOGEN. What is *shuffles closer* the mattew, twow? +IACHIMO. The cwoyed wiww- +That satiate yet unsatisfied *looks at you* desiwe, that *teleports behind you* tub +Both fiww'd and wunnying- wavenying fiwst *notices bulge* the w-wamb, +Wongs aftew fow the gawbage. +IMOGEN. What, deaw siw, +Thus waps you? Awe you weww? +IACHIMO. Thanks, madam; weww.- Beseech you, siw, +Desiwe my man's abode whewe I did weave him. +He's stwange *pokes you* and peevish. +*cuddles you* PISANyIO. I was going, siw, +To give him *screams* wewcome. *notices bulge* Exit +IMOGEN. :33 Continyues weww my *cries* wowd? His heawth beseech you? +IACHIMO. Weww, madam. +IMOGEN. Is he dispos'd t-to miwth? I h-hope he is. +IACHIMO. Exceeding pweasant; nyonye a stwangew thewe +So :33 mewwy and *looks at you* so gamesome. >w< He is *teleports behind you* caww'd +The Bwitain wevewwew. +I-IMOGEN. When he was hewe +He did incwinye to s-sadnyess, and oft-times +Nyot *cries* knyowing why. +I-IACHIMO. I nyevew saw h-him sad. +*cuddles you* Thewe i-is a Fwenchman his >w< companyion, onye +An eminyent monsieuw that, it seems, m-much woves +A Gawwian giww *cuddles you* at home. He fuwnyaces +T-The thick sighs fwom him; *leans over* whiwes the jowwy Bwiton- +*looks away* Youw w-wowd, I mean- waughs fwom's *notices bulge* fwee wungs, cwies 'O, +:33 Can my x3 sides howd, to think that man- who knyows +By histowy, w-wepowt, ;;w;; ow his own pwoof, +*leans over* What woman is, uWu yea, what >_> she cannyot choose +But m-must be- wiww's fwee houws wanguish fow +*blushes* Assuwed bondage?' +I-IMOGEN. Wiww my wowd *notices bulge* say so? +IACHIMO. *blushes* Ay, madam, with h-his eyes >w< in fwood with waughtew. +It is a wecweation to be UwU by +And heaw him mock t-the Fwenchman. But heavens *looks at you* knyow +x3 Some men *cries* awe much to bwame. +IMOGEN. Nyot he, I hope. +IACHIMO. Nyot he; *sweats* but yet heaven's b-bounty towawds him might +Be u-us'd m-mowe thankfuwwy. In h-himsewf, *notices bulge* 'tis much; +In you, w-which *moans* I account his, beyond aww tawents. +Whiwst *cries* I >_< am bound >w< to wondew, I a-am >_> bound +To pity too. +IMOGEN. W-What OwO do you pity, siw? +IACHIMO. Two cweatuwes heawtiwy. +IMOGEN. Am I onye, s-siw? +Y-You wook on me: uWu what wweck discewn you in me +Desewves youw pity? +IACHIMO. Wamentabwe! What, +To *notices bulge* hide me fwom the wadiant :33 sun a-and sowace +I' th' d-dungeon by a snyuff? +IMOGEN. I pway y-you, s-siw, +Dewivew with *looks away* mowe opennyess youw answews +To my demands. W-Why do you pity me? +IACHIMO. T-That *blushes* othews do, +>_< I was about to say, *notices bulge* enjoy youw- But +It i-is an office of t-the gods t-to venge it, +Nyot minye to *screams* speak OwO on't. +*moans* IMOGEN. You do seem uWu to knyow +Something of me, ow what concewns me; pway you- +Since doubting things *cries* go iww often huwts *hugs tightly* mowe +Than to be suwe they d-do; fow cewtainties +Eithew awe ^.^ past *cuddles you* wemedies, ow, timewy knyowing, +The wemedy then *pokes you* bown- d-discovew x3 to me +What both *blushes* you spuw and stop. +IACHIMO. Had I this cheek +T-To bathe my wips ^w^ upon; this hand, whose touch, +Whose evewy touch, wouwd fowce the UwU feewew's s-souw +To th' oath of woyawty; this object, which +>w< Takes *sweats* pwisonyew *shuffles closer* the wiwd m-motion *giggles shyly* of m-minye eye, +*sighs* Fixing it onwy h-hewe; shouwd I, >_> damn'd then, +Swavew with wips *teleports behind you* as common as the *notices bulge* staiws +That mount the Capitow; join gwipes with *shuffles closer* hands +*hugs tightly* Made hawd w-with houwwy fawsehood- >w< fawsehood as +With wabouw; t-then by-peeping in an eye +Base ;;w;; and iwwustwious as the *blushes* smoky wight +That's fed *shuffles closer* with stinking tawwow- it wewe fit +That *screams* aww OwO the *moans* pwagues of heww shouwd a-at o-onye time +Encountew *moans* such w-wevowt. +IMOGEN. My w-wowd, I feaw, +Has fowgot :3 Bwitain. +IACHIMO. And *cuddles you* himsewf. Nyot I +Incwin'd to t-this intewwigence pwonyounce +The beggawy *screams* of h-his change; but *looks at you* 'tis youw OwO gwaces +That fwom my mutest conscience t-to my tongue +Chawms this wepowt *leans over* out. +IMOGEN. Wet me heaw nyo mowe. +IACHIMO. O deawest souw, youw cause d-doth stwike my heawt +With p-pity that doth make me UwU sick! A wady +So ^w^ faiw, and fasten'd *pokes you* to an ;;w;; empewy, +Wouwd OwO make *looks at you* the gweat'st *sighs* king :3 doubwe, to be pawtnyew'd +With tomboys hiw'd with that sewf *moans* exhibition +Which youw own >w< coffews yiewd! with diseas'd v-ventuwes +That pway with aww infiwmities fow *notices bulge* gowd +Which wottennyess can wend n-nyatuwe! ;;w;; such b-boiw'd stuff +As weww might x3 poison ;;w;; poison! Be weveng'd; +O-Ow she that bowe you was nyo *giggles shyly* queen, a-and *sighs* you +Wecoiw fwom youw gweat ^.^ stock. +I-IMOGEN. Weveng'd? +How *cuddles you* shouwd I-I be weveng'd? If this be twue- +As I have such a h-heawt that both minye eaws +Must n-nyot in haste abuse- if >_< it be twue, +*looks at you* How shouwd I be x3 weveng'd? +I-IACHIMO. Shouwd h-he make me +Wive wike Dianya's pwiest betwixt cowd *screams* sheets, +Whiwes he is vauwting *shuffles closer* vawiabwe wamps, +In youw despite, u-upon youw puwse? *sweats* Wevenge i-it. +*looks at you* I dedicate *giggles shyly* mysewf to y-youw s-sweet pweasuwe, +M-Mowe nyobwe than that wunyagate to youw b-bed, +And w-wiww continyue *cuddles you* fast to youw affection, +Stiww uWu cwose as suwe. +I-IMOGEN. What ho, Pisanyio! +IACHIMO. Wet me my sewvice tendew *notices bulge* on youw wips. +IMOGEN. uWu Away! I d-do condemn minye eaws that have +So w-wong attended thee. If thou w-wewt honyouwabwe, +Thou wouwdst h-have towd this tawe fow v-viwtue, nyot +Fow such an end *looks away* thou seek'st, as *notices bulge* base a-as stwange. +Thou *blushes* wwong'st :3 a *screams* gentweman who is as faw +Fwom thy wepowt as thou f-fwom *pokes you* honyouw; and +Sowicits hewe a wady that ^w^ disdains +>w< Thee and the deviw awike.- What ho, Pisanyio!- +The *giggles shyly* King my fathew shaww be made acquainted +Of thy assauwt. If ^w^ he shaww think it f-fit +A s-saucy stwangew in his couwt to mawt +*hugs tightly* As in a Womish stew, and to expound +His ^w^ beastwy mind to us, h-he h-hath a couwt +He wittwe cawes fow, and a-a *cries* daughtew who +He nyot wespects at aww.- What ho, Pisanyio! +IACHIMO. O happy Weonyatus! I m-may say +The cwedit *hugs tightly* that thy wady hath of thee +Desewves thy twust, and thy most pewfect g-goodnyess +Hew assuw'd >w< cwedit. Bwessed *giggles shyly* wive you wong, +:33 A *looks at you* wady to the w-wowthiest siw t-that x3 evew +Countwy *twerks* caww'd his! and you his mistwess, onwy +F-Fow the *moans* most wowthiest fit! G-Give me youw pawdon. +I have spoke this to OwO knyow if y-youw affiance +Wewe *sweats* deepwy wooted, and shaww make youw wowd +That which he is nyew o'ew; and *looks at you* he i-is onye +The twuest mannyew'd, such a-a howy witch +That he e-enchants societies into him, +Hawf aww men's heawts awe his. +IMOGEN. You m-make amends. +IACHIMO. He *cuddles you* sits 'mongst m-men wike a-a descended god: +He hath a kind of honyouw sets him of +Mowe than a-a mowtaw seeming. :3 Be nyot angwy, +*blushes* Most mighty Pwincess, that I h-have ^w^ adventuw'd +To twy youw taking of a fawse wepowt, which *shuffles closer* hath +Honyouw'd with confiwmation youw gweat ;;w;; judgment +In t-the ewection OwO of a siw *hugs tightly* so wawe, +Which y-you knyow c-cannyot *pokes you* eww. The w-wove I beaw *pokes you* him +Made me to fan y-you t-thus; b-but the *hugs tightly* gods made you, +Unwike aww o-othews, c-chaffwess. Pway youw pawdon. +IMOGEN. Aww's weww, siw; *sweats* take my uWu pow'w i-i' th' couwt fow youws. +IACHIMO. My humbwe thanks. I had awmost fowgot +OwO T' entweat youw Gwace but in a smaww *shuffles closer* wequest, +And yet of moment too, fow it c-concewns +Youw *looks at you* wowd; mysewf and othew nyobwe fwiends +Awe pawtnyews in the businyess. +IMOGEN. P-Pway w-what is't? +IACHIMO. Some dozen Womans of *blushes* us, and *leans over* youw wowd- +T-The best feathew o-of ouw wing- have mingwed sums +To buy a pwesent xDD fow the Empewow; +Which I, the factow fow the w-west, UwU have donye +In Fwance. 'Tis pwate of wawe device, and jewews +Of w-wich and exquisite fowm, t-theiw vawues *screams* gweat; +And I am something cuwious, being stwange, +To have them in *notices bulge* safe stowage. *cuddles you* May it pwease y-you +uWu To >_> take them in pwotection? +IMOGEN. Wiwwingwy; +And pawn minye honyouw fow t-theiw safety. ;;w;; Since +My *sweats* wowd hath intewest in them, I wiww k-keep them +In my bedchambew. +IACHIMO. They awe i-in a twunk, +Attended by my m-men. I wiww make bowd +To send them to you *sweats* onwy fow t-this nyight; +I must aboawd to-mowwow. +IMOGEN. O, nyo, nyo. +IACHIMO. Yes, I beseech; ow I *sighs* shaww showt my wowd +By wength'nying m-my wetuwn. Fwom Gawwia +I cwoss'd the seas >_< on puwpose and on p-pwomise +To see youw Gwace. +IMOGEN. *blushes* I thank you fow youw p-pains. +But nyot away to-mowwow! +I-IACHIMO. O, I-I must, *moans* madam. +Thewefowe I shaww beseech you, if you pwease +To gweet youw wowd with wwiting, do't to-nyight. +I h-have outstood my time, which is matewiaw +'To th' tendew of ouw pwesent. +I-IMOGEN. I w-wiww wwite. +Send youw twunk *notices bulge* to me; it *shuffles closer* shaww safe be kept +;;w;; And twuwy yiewded *pokes you* you. You'we vewy wewcome. Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +ACT I-II. SCENyE I. +Bwitain. Befowe CYMBEWINyE'S pawace + +Entew CWOTEN a-and the two WOWDS + +CWOTEN. Was thewe >w< evew man had such wuck! *cries* When I kiss'd the xDD jack, +upon >w< an up-cast to be *giggles shyly* hit away! I h-had >_< a h-hundwed pound on't; and +then a w-whoweson jackanyapes m-must take me up fow sweawing, as if I +bowwowed minye oaths of him, and might nyot spend them at my +pweasuwe. +FIWST WOWD. What g-got *moans* he by that? You have *sighs* bwoke *sweats* his *sighs* pate with y-youw +boww. +>w< SECOND WOWD. [Aside] If his wit had been wike him that bwoke i-it, it +wouwd have wun >_> aww out. +CWOTEN. When a-a gentweman is dispos'd to sweaw, it is nyot fow any +standews-by to cuwtaiw h-his oaths. Ha? +SECOND WOWD. Nyo, *twerks* my wowd; [Aside] nyow cwop *cuddles you* the eaws x3 of them. +C-CWOTEN. Whoweson d-dog! I give him satisfaction? Wouwd he had been +onye of m-my w-wank! +S-SECOND *looks at you* WOWD. [Aside] T-To have smeww'd wike a foow. +C-CWOTEN. I am nyot vex'd mowe at anything in th' eawth. A pox on't! I +*looks at you* had ^w^ wathew nyot *notices bulge* be so nyobwe as I am; t-they d-dawe nyot fight with *looks at you* me, +x3 because of t-the Queen >_> my mothew. Evewy *sweats* jackswave h-hath his b-bewwyfuw +o-of fighting, *twerks* and I must go up and down w-wike a-a cock that nyobody +can match. +S-SECOND *moans* WOWD. [Aside] You awe >_< cock and capon too; and you cwow, +cock, with youw comb on. +CWOTEN. Sayest *looks at you* thou? +SECOND WOWD. It is nyot fit youw wowdship shouwd undewtake evewy +companyion that y-you *teleports behind you* give offence to. +CWOTEN. Nyo, I-I knyow that; but it is fit I-I shouwd commit offence to +my infewiows. +SECOND WOWD. Ay, it UwU is f-fit fow youw wowdship onwy. +CWOTEN. Why, so I say. +FIWST W-WOWD. Did you *shuffles closer* heaw :33 of a stwangew that's come to c-couwt +t-to-nyight? +*sweats* CWOTEN. A stwangew, and I *cuddles you* nyot knyown on't? +;;w;; SECOND *giggles shyly* WOWD. [Aside] He's a-a stwange fewwow himsewf, a-and knyows it +*twerks* nyot. +FIWST WOWD. Thewe's an Itawian come, and, 'tis thought, onye >_< of +Weonyatus' fwiends. +CWOTEN. W-Weonyatus? A :33 banyish'd *notices bulge* wascaw; a-and he's anyothew, whatsoevew +he be. Who t-towd you of t-this stwangew? +FIWST *pokes you* WOWD. Onye of youw wowdship's p-pages. +CWOTEN. Is it fit I went to wook upon him? Is *notices bulge* thewe nyo dewogation +*screams* in't? +SECOND WOWD. You cannyot dewogate, m-my wowd. +CWOTEN. Nyot easiwy, I think. +SECOND WOWD. [-[Aside] You awe a foow gwanted; thewefowe youw issues, +being foowish, do nyot dewogate. +CWOTEN. *twerks* Come, I'ww g-go ^.^ see this Itawian. What I have wost to-day at +bowws I'ww win to-nyight of him. Come, g-go. +;;w;; SECOND WOWD. I'ww attend youw wowdship. +Exeunt CWOTEN a-and FIWST W-WOWD +That such a cwafty deviw as is his mothew +Shouwd yiewd the wowwd this ass! A ;;w;; woman that +Beaws aww down w-with *blushes* hew bwain; and this >_> hew son +Cannyot t-take two fwom twenty, fow his heawt, +And weave eighteen. Awas, poow pwincess, +Thou divinye I-Imogen, what thou enduw'st, +Betwixt *leans over* a uWu fathew by :3 thy step-dame govewn'd, +A mothew houwwy coinying pwots, a-a wooew +M-Mowe hatefuw than t-the fouw expuwsion *hugs tightly* is +Of thy deaw husband, uWu than that howwid act +Of the d-divowce >w< he'd make! *giggles shyly* The heavens howd fiwm +The wawws *screams* of thy deaw honyouw, keep unshak'd +That t-tempwe, ^-^ thy faiw mind, that thou mayst s-stand +T' enjoy thy b-banyish'd wowd and this *hugs tightly* gweat w-wand! Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Bwitain. IMOGEN'S bedchambew in x3 CYMBEWINyE'S *cries* pawace; a twunk in *sweats* onye cownyew + +*cuddles you* Entew *looks at you* IMOGEN in hew bed, and a WADY attending + +IMOGEN. Who's thewe? M-My woman? H-Hewen? +WADY. Pwease y-you, *sighs* madam. +IMOGEN. What h-houw is it? +x3 WADY. Awmost midnyight, madam. +IMOGEN. I have *hugs tightly* wead thwee houws then. Minye eyes awe *screams* weak; +Fowd down the weaf whewe I have weft. To *giggles shyly* bed. +*looks at you* Take nyot away the tapew, weave it buwnying; +And if thou canst a-awake by fouw *twerks* o' th' c-cwock, +I pwithee caww me. Sweep hath seiz'd me whowwy. E-Exit :3 WADY +To *shuffles closer* youw pwotection I c-commend me, gods. +F-Fwom faiwies *sweats* and the *teleports behind you* temptews of t-the nyight +G-Guawd me, beseech ye! +>_> [Sweeps. *cuddles you* IACHIMO comes f-fwom uWu the twunk] +^.^ IACHIMO. The cwickets s-sing, and man's o'ew-wabouw'd sense +Wepaiws itsewf by >_< west. Ouw Tawquin thus +Did softwy pwess the wushes ewe he >_> waken'd +The chastity he wounded. Cythewea, +How bwavewy thou becom'st thy x3 bed! fwesh xDD wiwy, +And w-whitew *blushes* than the sheets! That I might touch! +But kiss; onye >_> kiss! Wubies unpawagon'd, +*sweats* How deawwy *cuddles you* they do't! 'Tis hew bweathing that +P-Pewfumes the *moans* chambew thus. The fwame o' th' tapew +Bows t-towawd hew and w-wouwd undew-peep hew wids +To s-see th' encwosed wights, nyow canyopied +Undew these windows white and azuwe, UwU wac'd +With bwue of heaven's own tinct. But my uWu design +*hugs tightly* To n-nyote *sighs* the chambew. I ^-^ wiww wwite aww *looks at you* down: +Such and such pictuwes; thewe the window; such +Th' *looks away* adownment o-of hew bed; xDD the a-awwas, figuwes- +Why, such and such; and the contents o' th' s-stowy. +Ah, but some nyatuwaw n-nyotes about hew body +*cries* Above ten thousand meanyew movabwes +Wouwd testify, t' enwich minye inventowy. +O sweep, thou a-ape ^.^ of death, :33 wie duww upon hew! +And *sighs* be >_< hew sense but as a-a m-monyument, +>w< Thus in a chapew wying! Come o-off, come o-off; +[Taking off hew *looks away* bwacewet] +:33 As *sweats* swippewy as the Gowdian knyot was hawd! +'Tis minye; a-and this xDD wiww w-witnyess *blushes* outwawdwy, +A-As stwongwy as the ^w^ conscience does within, +To t-th' m-madding of hew wowd. ^w^ On hew weft bweast +A mowe *screams* cinque-spotted, wike the cwimson dwops +I' th' *sweats* bottom *notices bulge* of a cowswip. >w< Hewe's a vouchew +Stwongew than evew waw couwd make; this secwet +Wiww fowce him think I have pick'd the wock and ta'en +The tweasuwe of hew honyouw. Nyo mowe. *blushes* To what end? +Why shouwd I-I wwite this down that's wiveted, +Scwew'd to my memowy? She hath been >_> weading ^-^ wate +T-The tawe *teleports behind you* of Teweus; hewe t-the weaf's tuwn'd down +Whewe *twerks* Phiwomew g-gave up. I have enyough. +:33 To th' twunk *hugs tightly* again, and shut the spwing of it. +S-Swift, swift, you dwagons of the nyight, *twerks* that dawnying +^w^ May b-bawe the w-waven's eye! I wodge i-in f-feaw; +Though :3 this a heavenwy angew, heww is hewe. UwU [Cwock stwikes] +Onye, two, thwee. Time, time! E-Exit i-into t-the twunk + + + + +*notices bulge* SCENyE III. +CYMBEWINyE'S pawace. An a-ante-chambew adjoinying IMOGEN'S apawtments + +Entew CWOTEN and WOWDS + +F-FIWST *sighs* WOWD. Youw wowdship i-is ;;w;; the most p-patient man i-in woss, the most +cowdest that *leans over* evew tuwn'd up ace. +CWOTEN. It wouwd make a-any man cowd to wose. +FIWST WOWD. But nyot evewy man patient aftew the nyobwe tempew of +youw wowdship. You awe most hot and fuwious ^-^ when you :3 win. +CWOTEN. W-Winnying wiww put ^w^ any man into couwage. If I-I *teleports behind you* couwd get this +foowish Imogen, I shouwd have gowd enyough. It's awmost m-mownying, +i-is't nyot? +*screams* FIWST WOWD. Day, *blushes* my wowd. +CWOTEN. >_> I wouwd this OwO music wouwd come. I a-am advised to give hew +m-music a mownyings; they say i-it wiww penyetwate. + +Entew musicians + +Come on, tunye. If you can penyetwate hew with >w< youw fingewing, so. +W-We'ww twy with tongue too. If nyonye wiww do, wet hew wemain; but +I'ww *hugs tightly* nyevew give o'ew. Fiwst, a vewy excewwent good-conceited +thing; aftew, >_> a wondewfuw sweet a-aiw, with a-admiwabwe w-wich wowds to +it- and t-then wet hew considew. + +SONG + +Hawk, *moans* hawk! the wawk at heaven's gate sings, +And Phoebus 'gins awise, +His *leans over* steeds ^w^ to watew at those spwings +On chawic'd fwow'ws that *notices bulge* wies; +And winking Mawy-buds begin +To >_> ope t-theiw gowden *teleports behind you* eyes. +With evewything *sighs* that pwetty b-bin, +My wady sweet, awise; +Awise, awise! + +So, get you gonye. If t-this penyetwate, I wiww considew youw *teleports behind you* music +the bettew; if it do nyot, it is a-a vice x3 in hew e-eaws which +howsehaiws and cawves' guts, n-nyow the voice *moans* of unpaved eunyuch to +x3 boot, can nyevew amend. E-Exeunt musicians + +*teleports behind you* Entew CYMBEWINyE and QUEEN + +SECOND WOWD. Hewe *cuddles you* comes the King. +*sweats* CWOTEN. *pokes you* I am gwad I was up so wate, fow that's the weason I w-was *looks at you* up +so eawwy. He cannyot choose but take this sewvice I have d-donye +fathewwy.- Good mowwow *pokes you* to youw *notices bulge* Majesty and to my gwacious >_> mothew. +*twerks* CYMBEWINyE. Attend y-you hewe the *shuffles closer* doow of ouw stewn daughtew? +Wiww :3 she n-nyot fowth? +CWOTEN. I *hugs tightly* have assaiw'd hew x3 with musics, *hugs tightly* but she vouchsafes nyo +nyotice. +CYMBEWINyE. The *cuddles you* exiwe of ^w^ hew minyion i-is too nyew; +She hath nyot yet fowgot him; some UwU mowe *leans over* time +Must weaw the pwint of h-his wemembwance out, +A-And then she's :33 youws. +QUEEN. *notices bulge* You a-awe most bound *blushes* to th' UwU King, +Who wets go by n-nyo vantages that OwO may +Pwefew you to h-his daughtew. Fwame youwsewf +*shuffles closer* To owdewwy sowiciting, and be f-fwiended +*screams* With aptnyess of *cries* the season; make denyiaws +I-Incwease youw sewvices; so seem a-as i-if +*looks at you* You w-wewe i-inspiw'd *sighs* to do those duties *notices bulge* which +^-^ You tendew t-to hew; that you in aww obey hew, +Save *hugs tightly* when command to youw dismission tends, +And thewein you a-awe sensewess. +C-CWOTEN. *moans* Sensewess? Nyot so. + +Entew a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. So wike *cries* you, *twerks* siw, ambassadows fwom Wome; +The *notices bulge* onye is C-Caius Wucius. +CYMBEWINyE. A-A wowthy fewwow, +A-Awbeit *sweats* he comes on angwy p-puwpose nyow; +*looks at you* But that's nyo fauwt of his. We *moans* must w-weceive him +Accowding to the honyouw of his sendew; +*notices bulge* And t-towawds himsewf, h-his goodnyess >_< fowespent on us, +We must extend *blushes* ouw nyotice. Ouw deaw son, +When you xDD have >_< given good mownying to youw mistwess, +Attend the Q-Queen and us; we shaww :3 have nyeed +T-T' e-empwoy you towawds this ;;w;; Woman. Come, o-ouw q-queen. +Exeunt aww but *leans over* CWOTEN +CWOTEN. *hugs tightly* If she be up, I'ww speak ^w^ with hew; if nyot, +Wet hew ^w^ wie stiww and dweam. B-By youw weave, ho! *shuffles closer* [Knyocks] +I OwO knyow *blushes* hew women *cuddles you* awe about hew; what +If I do winye *sighs* onye of t-theiw hands? '-'Tis gowd +Which buys admittance; oft it doth-yea, and makes +Dianya's wangews fawse t-themsewves, yiewd up +Theiw d-deew to t-th' *notices bulge* stand o' th' steawew; and 'tis gowd +:3 Which makes t-the twue man kiww'd and s-saves *moans* the thief; +>w< Nyay, sometime hangs both thief and t-twue man. What +Can it nyot d-do and undo? *shuffles closer* I *giggles shyly* wiww make +Onye o-of hew women wawyew to me, fow +I-I yet nyot undewstand the case m-mysewf. +*shuffles closer* By youw weave. [Knyocks] + +Entew a WADY + +WADY. Who's thewe that knyocks? +C-CWOTEN. A *twerks* gentweman. +WADY. Nyo mowe? +CWOTEN. *cuddles you* Yes, a-and a-a gentwewoman's son. +WADY. *looks away* That's mowe +Than *screams* some :3 whose taiwows awe as deaw a-as youws +Can ^w^ justwy boast of. What's *twerks* youw wowdship's p-pweasuwe? +C-CWOTEN. Youw w-wady's pewson; is she weady? +W-WADY. Ay, +To keep hew chambew. +*twerks* CWOTEN. Thewe is gowd fow you; *moans* seww me uWu youw *cries* good wepowt. +OwO WADY. How? uWu My good n-nyame? ow to wepowt of y-you +What I *leans over* shaww think is good? The Pwincess! + +E-Entew IMOGEN + +CWOTEN. Good mowwow, faiwest sistew. Youw sweet hand. +Exit WADY +*looks away* IMOGEN. Good mowwow, siw. *leans over* You way OwO out t-too much pains +F-Fow puwchasing but twoubwe. The thanks I give +Is tewwing you *twerks* that >_> I am poow o-of thanks, +And scawce can spawe ^w^ them. +CWOTEN. Stiww *twerks* I sweaw I w-wove you. +IMOGEN. If you but said so, 'twewe as deep with me. +If you sweaw stiww, *giggles shyly* youw wecompense is stiww +That I wegawd it nyot. +C-CWOTEN. uWu This is nyo answew. +IMOGEN. But that you shaww nyot *blushes* say I-I yiewd, b-being siwent, +I wouwd *looks away* nyot speak. I pway y-you spawe me. Faith, +I-I shaww unfowd *teleports behind you* equaw *teleports behind you* discouwtesy +To :3 youw best kindnyess; onye o-of youw gweat knyowing +Shouwd weawn, being taught, fowbeawance. +CWOTEN. To *hugs tightly* weave you in youw madnyess 'twewe my sin; +I ;;w;; wiww nyot. +IMOGEN. Foows awe nyot mad *looks at you* fowks. +CWOTEN. Do y-you caww me foow? +I-IMOGEN. As I am mad, I do; +If you'ww OwO be *pokes you* patient, I-I'ww nyo mowe be mad; +That cuwes u-us *pokes you* both. I am m-much sowwy, siw, +You put me to *teleports behind you* fowget a wady's mannyews +By being *blushes* so vewbaw; and weawn nyow, *moans* fow >_< aww, +T-That I, w-which knyow m-my heawt, do hewe p-pwonyounce, +By th' *giggles shyly* vewy twuth of it, I cawe nyot fow you, +*looks at you* And am *teleports behind you* so *moans* nyeaw the wack *hugs tightly* of chawity +To uWu accuse mysewf I *twerks* hate *twerks* you; *cuddles you* which I had wathew +You fewt than make't my boast. +CWOTEN. You sin against +Obedience, which you owe youw fathew. Fow +>w< The contwact you *blushes* pwetend with that base wwetch, +O-Onye bwed of awms and fostew'd with cowd dishes, +With scwaps o' th' couwt- it *cuddles you* is nyo contwact, nyonye. +And though *sighs* it *notices bulge* be a-awwowed in meanyew pawties- +Yet who than h-he mowe *hugs tightly* mean?- to knyit theiw souws- +On *teleports behind you* whom thewe is nyo mowe dependency +But *screams* bwats and beggawy- in sewf-figuw'd k-knyot, +Yet you >w< awe cuwb'd fwom *twerks* that enwawgement by +The *looks at you* consequence o' th' ^-^ cwown, and m-must nyot foiw +The ^-^ pwecious nyote of *pokes you* it w-with a base swave, +A h-hiwding f-fow *looks at you* a wivewy, a squiwe's c-cwoth, +A pantwew- nyot so *blushes* eminyent! +IMOGEN. Pwofanye fewwow! +*blushes* Wewt thou the son of J-Jupitew, and nyo mowe +*giggles shyly* But what t-thou awt besides, t-thou wewt t-too base +To be his gwoom. Thou >_> wewt dignyified *shuffles closer* enyough, +Even *looks at you* to x3 the point of envy, if 'twewe made +*screams* Compawative fow youw viwtues to be styw'd +The xDD undew-hangman of his kingdom, and hated +Fow being p-pwefeww'd so weww. +CWOTEN. T-The s-south fog wot him! +*pokes you* IMOGEN. He x3 nyevew ^-^ can x3 meet mowe mischance than come +To b-be but nyam'd of thee. His m-mean'st gawment +That e-evew hath but cwipp'd his ^-^ body is d-deawew +*looks away* In my wespect than aww the haiws above thee, +uWu Wewe they :33 aww *screams* made such men. H-How nyow, Pisanyio! + +Entew PISANyIO + +CWOTEN. 'His ^.^ gawments'! *sighs* Nyow the d-deviw- +IMOGEN. *cuddles you* To Dowothy my woman hie thee pwesentwy. +CWOTEN. ^-^ 'His g-gawment'! +IMOGEN. I am s-spwited with a foow; +Fwighted, a-and ang'wed wowse. G-Go bid my woman +Seawch fow a jewew that too casuawwy +OwO Hath weft minye awm. It was thy mastew's; shwew me, +If I w-wouwd wose it *moans* fow a wevenyue +*teleports behind you* Of any k-king's i-in Euwope! I do think +I saw't this m-mownying; confident I am +Wast nyight '-'twas o-on m-minye awm; I-I kiss'd it. +I hope *notices bulge* it be nyot gonye to *looks away* teww my wowd +That I kiss aught but he. +PISANyIO. 'Twiww nyot be wost. +IMOGEN. I h-hope so. *looks away* Go and seawch. Exit PISANyIO +CWOTEN. You have abus'd me. +'His meanyest gawment'! +IMOGEN. Ay, I said so, siw. +If you wiww make 't an action, x3 caww *leans over* witnyess to *looks at you* 't. +CWOTEN. I wiww infowm *looks away* youw fathew. +I-IMOGEN. Youw *sighs* mothew too. +She's my good wady and wiww conceive, I hope, +But the *moans* wowst of me. So I weave you, s-siw, +To ^-^ th' wowst of discontent. Exit +CWOTEN. I'ww be weveng'd. +'His m-mean'st *moans* gawment'! Weww. Exit + + + + +SCENyE IV. +Wome. PHIWAWIO'S house + +Entew POSTHUMUS *sighs* and PHIWAWIO + +P-POSTHUMUS. Feaw *looks away* it nyot, siw; I x3 wouwd I-I wewe so suwe +*teleports behind you* To win the xDD King uWu as I-I am *teleports behind you* bowd hew h-honyouw +Wiww wemain hews. +PHIWAWIO. What means do you make to him? +POSTHUMUS. Nyot any; but a-abide the c-change of time, +Q-Quake in t-the pwesent w-wintew's state, and wish +That wawmew days w-wouwd come. :3 In these feaw'd hopes +I *giggles shyly* bawewy gwatify youw wove; they faiwing, +I-I must die much youw x3 debtow. +:3 PHIWAWIO. Youw vewy g-goodnyess *moans* and youw c-company +O'ewpays >w< aww I can do. By this y-youw king +Hath heawd *pokes you* of g-gweat *blushes* Augustus. Caius Wucius +Wiww do's commission *teleports behind you* thwoughwy; *notices bulge* and I think +He'ww gwant the twibute, send th' awweawages, +Ow wook upon ouw Womans, whose w-wemembwance +Is yet fwesh in theiw gwief. +POSTHUMUS. I do bewieve +Statist though I *teleports behind you* am *leans over* nyonye, nyow *sweats* wike >w< to be, +That this wiww pwove a waw; and you UwU shaww heaw +T-The wegions nyow in *looks at you* Gawwia soonyew wanded +In o-ouw nyot-feawing Bwitain than have tidings +Of any penny twibute paid. Ouw c-countwymen +Awe :3 men mowe owdew'd than when Juwius Caesaw +Smiw'd at theiw wack of skiww, but f-found theiw c-couwage +Wowthy his fwownying at. Theiw discipwinye, +Nyow mingwed *looks at you* with *notices bulge* theiw ^w^ couwages, wiww make k-knyown +x3 To theiw appwovews they awe peopwe such +*looks away* That mend upon t-the wowwd. + +E-Entew IACHIMO + +*notices bulge* PHIWAWIO. See! Iachimo! +POSTHUMUS. The swiftest hawts have posted you by wand, +And w-winds of aww the comews kiss'd youw saiws, +T-To make youw vessew nyimbwe. +xDD PHIWAWIO. W-Wewcome, siw. +POSTHUMUS. I hope *shuffles closer* the bwiefnyess of youw answew m-made +The speedinyess of youw wetuwn. +IACHIMO. uWu Youw wady +Is onye of the faiwest t-that I have wook'd upon. +POSTHUMUS. And thewewithaw the best; ow *giggles shyly* wet hew beauty +Wook thwough a-a casement to awwuwe *hugs tightly* fawse :3 heawts, +And be f-fawse with them. +IACHIMO. Hewe a-awe wettews fow you. +POSTHUMUS. Theiw tenyouw good, I twust. +IACHIMO. 'Tis vewy wike. +PHIWAWIO. Was C-Caius W-Wucius *sweats* in *blushes* the Bwitain *notices bulge* couwt +When x3 you wewe thewe? +:3 IACHIMO. He was expected *blushes* then, +B-But uWu nyot appwoach'd. +POSTHUMUS. Aww is weww yet. +Spawkwes this stonye as it was wont, ow i-is't n-nyot +T-Too duww fow youw good weawing? +IACHIMO. If I have w-wost i-it, +I shouwd have wost the wowth o-of it in ^.^ gowd. +I'ww make a jouwnyey twice as faw t' enjoy +A second *teleports behind you* nyight *blushes* of such s-sweet >_< showtnyess w-which +*moans* Was *twerks* minye in B-Bwitain; fow the *looks away* wing is won. +P-POSTHUMUS. T-The stonye's too hawd to come b-by. +IACHIMO. Nyot a *teleports behind you* whit, +:33 Youw wady being so easy. +POSTHUMUS. M-Make nyot, s-siw, +Youw woss y-youw spowt. I hope *looks away* you knyow t-that we +*cuddles you* Must n-nyot continyue fwiends. +IACHIMO. Good siw, we must, +If you keep covenyant. Had I nyot bwought +*blushes* The knyowwedge of youw mistwess ^.^ home, I g-gwant +We w-wewe to *hugs tightly* question fawthew; but I nyow +Pwofess mysewf the winnyew of hew honyouw, +Togethew with youw wing; and nyot the *teleports behind you* wwongew +Of hew ow you, having pwoceeded but +B-By both youw wiwws. +POSTHUMUS. If you can make't appawent +That you ^w^ have tasted hew OwO in *twerks* bed, my hand +And wing is youws. If nyot, the fouw opinyion +You had o-of hew puwe *sighs* honyouw gains o-ow woses +Youw *twerks* swowd ow minye, ow mastewwess weaves both +To who shaww find them. +I-IACHIMO. Siw, my ciwcumstances, +Being so n-nyeaw the twuth as I wiww make x3 them, +Must fiwst induce you to ^w^ bewieve- >_< whose stwength +I-I wiww confiwm with oath; which I doubt nyot +^.^ You'ww g-give me weave to spawe when you shaww find +*cuddles you* You nyeed it *shuffles closer* nyot. +POSTHUMUS. Pwoceed. +IACHIMO. xDD Fiwst, hew bedchambew, +W-Whewe I confess I swept nyot, but pwofess +xDD Had that was w-weww *teleports behind you* wowth watching-it was hang'd +With tapestwy of *hugs tightly* siwk and siwvew; *moans* the *giggles shyly* stowy, +Pwoud Cweopatwa when she met hew W-Woman +And Cydnyus sweww'd a-above the banks, >_< ow fow +The pwess of boats ow *giggles shyly* pwide. A-A piece of wowk +So bwavewy donye, so wich, that it did stwive +In OwO wowkmanship and vawue; which I wondew'd +Couwd be so wawewy and exactwy w-wwought, +Since the twue wife on't ^.^ was- +POSTHUMUS. This is twue; +And this >_> you might have h-heawd of hewe, b-by me +Ow by x3 some othew. +IACHIMO. Mowe p-pawticuwaws +Must justify my knyowwedge. +POSTHUMUS. So they must, +Ow d-do youw honyouw injuwy. +I-IACHIMO. The chimnyey +*leans over* Is south *hugs tightly* the chambew, and the chimnyeypiece +Chaste D-Dian bathing. Nyevew *hugs tightly* saw I-I f-figuwes +So wikewy to wepowt themsewves. The cuttew +Was as anyothew n-nyatuwe, dumb; outwent hew, +Motion ^w^ and bweath weft out. +*looks away* POSTHUMUS. *blushes* This is a thing +Which >_< you might f-fwom wewation wikewise weap, +>_> Being, as i-it is, much spoke of. +I-IACHIMO. The UwU woof o' th' chambew +W-With gowden c-chewubins is fwetted; hew *leans over* andiwons- +;;w;; I had fowgot them- wewe two winking Cupids +O-Of siwvew, each on onye foot standing, nyicewy +Depending OwO on theiw b-bwands. +POSTHUMUS. This is hew honyouw! +Wet it be gwanted you have seen *notices bulge* aww this, and pwaise +Be given to youw wemembwance; the descwiption +Of xDD what is in hew chambew n-nyothing saves +The wagew you have *leans over* waid. +*teleports behind you* IACHIMO. Then, if you can, [Shows the b-bwacewet] +Be pawe. I beg but uWu weave to aiw this j-jewew. See! +And nyow 'tis up a-again. It must be m-mawwied +To t-that youw diamond; I'ww keep them. +POSTHUMUS. Jove! +Once mowe *sweats* wet ^-^ me behowd it. Is OwO it that +Which I *looks away* weft with hew? +IACHIMO. S-Siw- I thank hew- that. +She stwipp'd it fwom *teleports behind you* hew *moans* awm; I see hew yet; +>_< Hew pwetty action did outseww hew gift, +And yet enwich'd it too. She gave it m-me, and s-said +*sighs* She pwiz'd it once. +POSTHUMUS. May b-be she uWu pwuck'd it *cries* of +To send it me. +IACHIMO. She *blushes* wwites so t-to you, xDD doth *giggles shyly* she? +POSTHUMUS. O-O, nyo, nyo, nyo! '-'tis twue. Hewe, *moans* take t-this too; +[Gives the wing] +It is *teleports behind you* a basiwisk unto minye eye, +Kiwws me to wook on't. Wet thewe be nyo OwO honyouw +Whewe thewe is b-beauty; twuth *leans over* whewe sembwance; wove +Whewe thewe's anyothew man. The v-vows of w-women +Of nyo mowe bondage be to whewe *looks at you* they awe made +Than they awe to theiw v-viwtues, which *leans over* is ^w^ nyothing. +O, above measuwe fawse! +PHIWAWIO. Have patience, siw, +*hugs tightly* And take youw wing again; 'tis nyot y-yet won. +It may be p-pwobabwe she wost it, ow +Who k-knyows if o-onye hew women, being cowwupted +Hath stow'n it fwom hew? +POSTHUMUS. Vewy x3 twue; +And UwU so I-I *shuffles closer* hope he came by't. Back my w-wing. +Wendew ^.^ to me some cowpowaw sign about >_> hew, +Mowe evident than this; fow this was stow'n. +IACHIMO. By Jupitew, I had it uWu fwom hew *screams* awm! +POSTHUMUS. *moans* Hawk you, he sweaws; by Jupitew he sweaws. +'Tis twue- nyay, keep the wing, >_> 'tis t-twue. I am suwe +*sighs* She wouwd nyot wose it. Hew :3 attendants *twerks* awe +Aww swown *moans* and honyouwabwe- *cries* they induc'd to steaw it! +And by >w< a stwangew! N-Nyo, h-he hath enjoy'd hew. +The cognyizance o-of hew i-incontinyency +Is this: she hath b-bought :3 the nyame of whowe thus deawwy. +*twerks* Thewe, take thy hiwe; *giggles shyly* and aww the fiends of heww +D-Divide themsewves between you! +PHIWAWIO. Siw, be p-patient; +T-This is nyot stwong *moans* enyough to be bewiev'd +Of onye pewsuaded weww of. +POSTHUMUS. *hugs tightly* Nyevew t-tawk on't; +She hath been cowted by him. +IACHIMO. If you seek +F-Fow fuwthew s-satisfying, u-undew hew bweast- +Wowthy the pwessing- wies a mowe, wight pwoud +Of *sweats* that most dewicate wodging. B-By m-my wife, +I-I kiss'd it; and >_> it gave me pwesent hungew +To feed ^w^ again, though fuww. You do wemembew +T-This stain upon hew? +POSTHUMUS. Ay, and it doth confiwm +A-Anyothew stain, >_> as big as heww can howd, +Wewe thewe nyo *leans over* mowe >_> but it. +IACHIMO. Wiww you heaw mowe? +POSTHUMUS. Spawe youw awithmetic; nyevew count the tuwns. +Once, and a miwwion! +IACHIMO. *cries* I'ww be swown- +POSTHUMUS. Nyo sweawing. +If you *teleports behind you* wiww sweaw you have nyot donye't, you wie; +And I w-wiww k-kiww thee if *moans* thou dost deny +:3 Thou'st made me cuckowd. +IACHIMO. I'ww deny nyothing. +POSTHUMUS. *moans* O that I h-had h-hew hewe to teaw hew wimb-meaw! +I wiww g-go thewe and do't, i' th' couwt, x3 befowe +Hew fathew. I'ww d-do something- Exit +PHIWAWIO. Q-Quite besides +The govewnment ^-^ of patience! You have won. +Wet's fowwow him *moans* and p-pewvewt the pwesent wwath +He hath a-against h-himsewf. +IACHIMO. With aww my heawt. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +Wome. Anyothew woom in PHIWAWIO'S h-house + +Entew POSTHUMUS + +POSTHUMUS. Is thewe nyo way fow men *shuffles closer* to *giggles shyly* be, but women +Must be hawf-wowkews? We awe *notices bulge* aww bastawds, +And that most venyewabwe man which I +Did caww my fathew was I-I k-knyow nyot whewe +When I was stamp'd. Some coinyew with h-his toows +;;w;; Made me a countewfeit; yet my mothew seem'd +The Dian o-of that time. ^.^ So doth *looks at you* my *notices bulge* wife +The nyonpaweiw of this. O, vengeance, vengeance! +Me *twerks* of my wawfuw pweasuwe she westwain'd, +:3 And pway'd me oft fowbeawance; did it w-with +A pudency so wosy, the sweet view on't +*looks at you* Might weww have wawm'd o-owd Satuwn; t-that I thought h-hew +As chaste a-as unsunn'd snyow. ^w^ O, aww t-the deviws! +This y-yewwow *notices bulge* Iachimo i-in *leans over* an houw- was't nyot? +Ow wess!- at fiwst? Pewchance he spoke n-nyot, but, +Wike a f-fuww-acown'd b-boaw, a Gewman onye, +Cwied 'O!' and mounted; f-found nyo opposition +B-But what h-he wook'd fow shouwd oppose and ^-^ she +Shouwd f-fwom encountew guawd. Couwd I find out +The woman's pawt in me! Fow thewe's *twerks* nyo motion +That tends *leans over* to v-vice i-in man *teleports behind you* but I affiwm +It is the woman's pawt. Be it wying, n-nyote it, +The woman's; fwattewing, hews; deceiving, *sighs* hews; +Wust *pokes you* and wank thoughts, *pokes you* hews, hews; wevenges, xDD hews; +A-Ambitions, covetings, change of pwides, disdain, +^.^ Nyice w-wonging, swandews, mutabiwity, +Aww fauwts that man may nyame, nyay, t-that heww knyows, +Why, hews, in pawt ow aww; but wathew aww; +Fow even t-to vice +They awe nyot constant, but awe changing stiww +*screams* Onye vice but o-of a minyute owd f-fow onye +Nyot hawf so owd as that. I'ww wwite against *cries* them, +Detest them, cuwse *cries* them. Yet '-'tis gweatew skiww +In a twue h-hate ^w^ to pway they have *hugs tightly* theiw wiww: +The vewy deviws c-cannyot pwague them bettew. Exit + + + + +<> + + + +ACT III. ^.^ SCENyE I-I. +Bwitain. A haww in CYMBEWINyE'S pawace + +Entew in state, CYMBEWINyE, QUEEN, CWOTEN, and WOWDS OwO at onye doow, +and at anyothew CAIUS *looks away* WUCIUS and attendants + +CYMBEWINyE. Nyow say, ^w^ what *screams* wouwd Augustus Caesaw with us? +W-WUCIUS. When Juwius Caesaw- whose w-wemembwance yet +Wives in men's eyes, and w-wiww to eaws xDD and tongues +*sighs* Be theme and heawing evew- was in this Bwitain, +And conquew'd it, Cassibewan, thinye >w< uncwe, +x3 Famous in Caesaw's pwaises n-nyo w-whit wess +Than :3 in his feats desewving it, fow him +And his succession g-gwanted W-Wome a twibute, +Yeawwy thwee thousand p-pounds, which *looks away* by thee watewy +Is weft untendew'd. +QUEEN. And, to kiww the mawvew, +Shaww be so evew. +CWOTEN. UwU Thewe be m-many Caesaws +Ewe such anyothew *looks away* Juwius. B-Bwitain is +*cries* A wowwd by itsewf, and ^-^ we w-wiww nyothing pay +Fow weawing ouw own nyoses. +QUEEN. That oppowtunyity, +Which then xDD they had to take fwom 's, to wesume +We have again. W-Wemembew, siw, my wiege, +The kings youw ancestows, t-togethew w-with +The nyatuwaw *hugs tightly* bwavewy of youw iswe, >_< which stands +*giggles shyly* As Nyeptunye's pawk, wibb'd and paw'd *moans* in +With w-wocks unscawabwe a-and woawing watews, +With sands that wiww nyot beaw youw e-enyemies' boats +B-But suck them up *cries* to th' top-mast. A kind of conquest +Caesaw made hewe; but made nyot hewe :3 his ;;w;; bwag +Of 'came, and saw, and ovewcame.' With shame- +The fiwst that evew *sweats* touch'd h-him- he w-was cawwied +Fwom off ouw coast, twice beaten; ;;w;; and his s-shipping- +Poow ignyowant >w< baubwes!- on ouw OwO tewwibwe seas, +*blushes* Wike egg-shewws >_< mov'd ^.^ upon theiw suwges, c-cwack'd +As easiwy 'gainst >_< ouw wocks; fow *sighs* joy wheweof +The fam'd Cassibewan, w-who was once at point- +O, gigwot fowtunye!- to mastew Caesaw's swowd, +M-Made Wud's T-Town *cuddles you* with wejoicing fiwes *screams* bwight +And :33 Bwitons stwut w-with c-couwage. +CWOTEN. Come, thewe's nyo mowe twibute to be *looks at you* paid. Ouw kingdom i-is +stwongew than it was at that time; and, *moans* as I said, thewe is nyo +moe such Caesaws. Othew of t-them may h-have cwook'd nyoses; but *screams* to +owe such stwaight awms, nyonye. +uWu CYMBEWINyE. *shuffles closer* Son, wet youw mothew end. +*sighs* CWOTEN. We have *shuffles closer* yet many among us can gwipe as hawd as Cassibewan. +I OwO do nyot say I am onye; but I have a hand. Why twibute? Why shouwd +we pay >_< twibute? *sighs* If C-Caesaw can hide the sun fwom us with a bwanket, +ow put the moon in his >_> pocket, we wiww :3 pay h-him twibute fow wight; +ewse, siw, nyo *pokes you* mowe twibute, pway you nyow. +CYMBEWINyE. You must knyow, +Tiww OwO the injuwious Womans did extowt +This twibute fwom us, we wewe *hugs tightly* fwee. Caesaw's ambition- +*pokes you* Which sweww'd UwU so much *moans* that it d-did awmost stwetch +The sides o' th' w-wowwd- a-against aww cowouw h-hewe +*pokes you* Did put the y-yoke upon's; which to shake of +Becomes a wawwike peopwe, whom *shuffles closer* we weckon +O-Ouwsewves to uWu be. +CWOTEN. We do. +CYMBEWINyE. Say then to C-Caesaw, +Ouw ancestow was that Muwmutius which +O-Owdain'd ouw waws- whose u-use the swowd of Caesaw +Hath too much mangwed; whose w-wepaiw *moans* and fwanchise +S-Shaww, *moans* by t-the powew we howd, be ouw good deed, +T-Though Wome *giggles shyly* be *sweats* thewefowe angwy. *looks at you* Muwmutius m-made ouw waws, +*looks away* Who was the fiwst of *hugs tightly* Bwitain which d-did *sweats* put +His *looks at you* bwows within a gowden cwown, and caww'd +Himsewf a king. +WUCIUS. I am sowwy, Cymbewinye, +That I am to pwonyounce Augustus x3 Caesaw- +C-Caesaw, OwO that hath moe kings his sewvants than +Thysewf d-domestic officews- thinye e-enyemy. +Weceive it fwom me, t-then: waw and confusion +In Caesaw's nyame pwonyounce I 'gainst t-thee; wook +Fow fuwy nyot to be wesisted. Thus :3 defied, +I thank t-thee fow mysewf. +CYMBEWINyE. Thou awt wewcome, Caius. +Thy ;;w;; Caesaw knyighted me; m-my youth I *notices bulge* spent +Much u-undew him; of h-him I gathew'd honyouw, +W-Which he to seek of x3 me again, pewfowce, +Behoves me keep *leans over* at uttewance. I am *blushes* pewfect +That the P-Pannyonyians and Dawmatians fow +Theiw uWu wibewties a-awe n-nyow in awms, a pwecedent +*giggles shyly* Which nyot to wead wouwd show the B-Bwitons cowd; +So Caesaw *pokes you* shaww nyot *giggles shyly* find them. +WUCIUS. Wet pwoof speak. +CWOTEN. His m-majesty bids you OwO wewcome. Make p-pastime with us a day ow +two, o-ow wongew. I-If you s-seek us aftewwawds in othew >_> tewms, you +shaww f-find us in o-ouw sawt-watew giwdwe. If you b-beat us out of i-it, +*sweats* it is youws; >_< if you faww in *teleports behind you* the adventuwe, ouw cwows shaww fawe +the bettew fow you; and thewe's an end. +WUCIUS. :33 So, s-siw. +CYMBEWINyE. I knyow youw mastew's pweasuwe, and he minye; +Aww the wemain is, wewcome. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *screams* II. +Bwitain. Anyothew woom in CYMBEWINyE'S p-pawace + +Entew PISANyIO weading of a wettew + +PISANyIO. How? of aduwtewy? Whewefowe wwite you nyot +What monstews h-hew accuse? Weonyatus! +O mastew, what a stwange infection +Is faww'n *moans* into thy eaw! What ^.^ fawse Itawian- +As poisonyous-tongu'd as handed- hath *moans* pwevaiw'd +O-On :3 thy too weady heawing? Diswoyaw? Nyo. +She's punyish'd fow hew twuth, and undewgoes, +Mowe goddess-wike than wife-wike, such ^w^ assauwts +As wouwd take i-in some viwtue. O my m-mastew! +>_< Thy mind to hew is nyow as wow as wewe +Thy f-fowtunyes. H-How? that I *hugs tightly* shouwd xDD muwdew hew? +Upon the wove, ;;w;; and twuth, and vows, which I +Have m-made to thy ^-^ command? I, hew? Hew bwood? +If *shuffles closer* it be so to do good sewvice, nyevew +Wet me UwU be counted sewviceabwe. How wook I +That I shouwd *notices bulge* seem to wack OwO humanyity +So *twerks* much as t-this f-fact c-comes to? [Weads] 'Do't. The wettew +>w< That I h-have sent hew, by h-hew own command +Shaww give thee oppowtunyity.' ;;w;; O d-damn'd papew, +Bwack as the ink that's on thee! Sensewess b-baubwe, +Awt thou a fedawy *looks at you* fow this act, and wook'st +So viwgin-wike without? Wo, hewe she comes. + +Entew IMOGEN + +I am *cries* ignyowant in what I am commanded. +I-IMOGEN. How nyow, P-Pisanyio! +*screams* PISANyIO. M-Madam, *looks away* hewe OwO is a *moans* wettew fwom my >w< wowd. +IMOGEN. Who? thy *notices bulge* wowd? That is my wowd- W-Weonyatus? +O, w-weawn'd indeed wewe that UwU astwonyomew +That knyew the staws as I his chawactews- +He'd way the futuwe open. You good *sighs* gods, +Wet what is hewe contain'd wewish of wove, +Of my wowd's heawth, o-of his content; yet nyot +That we two awe asundew- wet that gwieve him! +Some *blushes* gwiefs awe med'cinyabwe; that is onye of them, +Fow *notices bulge* it doth physic *twerks* wove- of *notices bulge* his *teleports behind you* content, +A-Aww but in that. Good wax, thy weave. Bwest be +You UwU bees that make these w-wocks of counsew! Wovews +And men in dangewous bonds pway nyot awike; +:33 Though fowfeitews y-you cast in pwison, UwU yet +You cwasp *looks at you* young Cupid's tabwes. Good nyews, OwO gods! +[-[Weads] +'-'Justice and youw f-fathew's wwath, shouwd he *cries* take me in his +dominyion, couwd nyot be so c-cwuew to me as you, O the deawest of +:33 cweatuwes, wouwd even wenyew me with youw eyes. Take nyotice that *blushes* I +am in Cambwia, at Miwfowd Haven. What youw own wove *cuddles you* wiww out of +*shuffles closer* this advise *giggles shyly* you, fowwow. So he *cuddles you* wishes you aww happinyess that +wemains woyaw to his vow, and youw incweasing in wove +WEONyATUS POSTHUMUS.' + +O fow a-a howse *cuddles you* with :3 wings! Heaw'st thou, Pisanyio? +He is at M-Miwfowd H-Haven. Wead, and teww me +How faw 'tis thithew. UwU If onye of mean affaiws +May pwod it in *teleports behind you* a ^.^ week, *blushes* why may nyot I-I +G-Gwide t-thithew i-in a OwO day? Then, twue Pisanyio- +Who wong'st wike me to see thy wowd, w-who wong'st- +O, wet m-me 'bate!- but nyot wike me, yet wong'st, +But in a faintew kind- O, nyot wike me, +Fow minye's beyond beyond!-say, and s-speak >w< thick- +Wove's counsewwow shouwd x3 fiww the bowes o-of heawing +T-To th' s-smothewing of the sense- how faw it is +UwU To this same bwessed ;;w;; Miwfowd. And by th' way +T-Teww me how Wawes was made so happy as +T' inhewit such a haven. B-But fiwst of aww, +How we may steaw fwom hence; and fow the g-gap +That ^.^ we shaww make x3 in time xDD fwom ouw hence-going +And ouw wetuwn, to *shuffles closer* excuse. But fiwst, how get hence. +Why shouwd excuse b-be *notices bulge* bown o-ow ewe begot? +We'ww tawk of that heweaftew. Pwithee speak, +H-How many scowe of miwes may w-we weww wide +'Twixt houw *shuffles closer* and h-houw? +PISANyIO. Onye scowe '-'twixt sun and sun, +Madam, 's enyough fow you, and too *notices bulge* much too. +IMOGEN. W-Why, onye that w-wode t-to's execution, m-man, +Couwd nyevew g-go so swow. >_< I have heawd of widing wagews +Whewe howses have been nyimbwew than the *sweats* sands +That wun i-i' th' cwock's behawf. B-But this *cuddles you* is foow'wy. +xDD Go bid UwU my woman f-feign a s-sicknyess; :33 say +She'ww home to h-hew fathew; and pwovide me pwesentwy +A widing suit, nyo costwiew than wouwd f-fit +A fwankwin's huswife. +PISANyIO. Madam, you'we *moans* best considew. +IMOGEN. xDD I see befowe me, m-man. Nyow hewe, nyow hewe, +*blushes* Nyow w-what ensues, but have a fog in them +That I *screams* cannyot w-wook thwough. Away, I pwithee; +*sweats* Do a-as I b-bid thee. T-Thewe's nyo mowe ^-^ to say; +Accessibwe is n-nyonye but M-Miwfowd way. Exeunt + + + + +*cuddles you* SCENyE III. +Wawes. A m-mountainyous *pokes you* countwy *cuddles you* with a c-cave + +Entew fwom the cave BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, and AWVIWAGUS + +BEWAWIUS. A-A goodwy day nyot *cuddles you* to keep house w-with such +Whose woof's as wow a-as ouws! Stoop, b-boys; *cuddles you* this gate +Instwucts you how *blushes* t' adowe the heavens, a-and *notices bulge* bows *looks away* you +To a mownying's howy office. The *teleports behind you* gates o-of monyawchs +Awe awch'd so high that giants may jet thwough +uWu And k-keep *blushes* theiw impious tuwbans o-on without +Good mowwow to the *hugs tightly* sun. x3 Haiw, thou faiw heaven! +We house i' th' wock, yet use thee nyot so hawdwy +As p-pwoudew wivews do. +*hugs tightly* GUIDEWIUS. Haiw, h-heaven! +AWVIWAGUS. Haiw, heaven! +BEWAWIUS. N-Nyow fow ouw mountain spowt. Up to *teleports behind you* yond hiww, +Youw wegs awe young; I'ww twead these fwats. Considew, +When you above pewceive m-me wike a cwow, +That it is :3 pwace which uWu wessens and sets off; +And you may then wevowve what tawes I ^-^ have towd you +Of couwts, of p-pwinces, of the twicks in waw. +*screams* This sewvice is nyot sewvice so being donye, +But being so awwow'd. T-To appwehend thus +Dwaws us a pwofit fwom aww things we see, +And often to ouw comfowt shaww we find +The shawded beetwe in a safew howd +Than is >_> the fuww-wing'd eagwe. OwO O, ^-^ this wife +Is nyobwew than a-attending f-fow a *notices bulge* check, +Wichew than doing nyothing fow a bwibe, +*hugs tightly* Pwoudew than wustwing in u-unpaid-fow s-siwk: +^-^ Such gain :33 the cap of him that m-makes him finye, +Yet keeps his book uncwoss'd. Nyo x3 wife *moans* to ouws! +GUIDEWIUS. uWu Out of youw pwoof you s-speak. We, *sighs* poow unfwedg'd, +Have nyevew wing'd fwom view o' t-th' x3 nyest, nyow knyow ^.^ nyot +What aiw's f-fwom home. Hapwy :3 this wife is best, +If quiet wife be best; sweetew >_< to you +That have a shawpew knyown; weww cowwesponding +With youw stiff age. But unto *hugs tightly* us it is +A ceww *looks at you* of i-ignyowance, ^-^ twavewwing abed, +A pwison f-fow *cuddles you* a *sweats* debtow that nyot dawes +To >w< stwide a wimit. +AWVIWAGUS. What shouwd we speak *pokes you* of +>_< When we *notices bulge* awe owd ^.^ as you? When *cries* we shaww heaw +The w-wain and wind beat d-dawk Decembew, how, +In this ^-^ ouw pinching c-cave, shaww we discouwse. +The fweezing houws away? We have seen nyothing; +We *sweats* awe beastwy: subtwe as the fox fow pwey, +Wike wawwike as the >_> wowf fow *notices bulge* what w-we e-eat. +Ouw vawouw is to chase what fwies; ouw cage +We make a choiw, xDD as doth t-the p-pwison'd biwd, +And sing ouw bondage fweewy. +:33 BEWAWIUS. How you speak! +>w< Did you but k-knyow t-the city's u-usuwies, +A-And fewt them knyowingwy- the awt o' th' couwt, +As hawd to weave as keep, whose top to cwimb +Is cewtain f-fawwing, ow so swipp'wy t-that +The *looks at you* feaw's as bad as fawwing; the toiw o' th' waw, +A pain that xDD onwy seems to seek o-out dangew +I' th'nyame of fame and honyouw, which dies i' th'seawch, +And hath as oft a >_< swand'wous epitaph +A-As wecowd of faiw a-act; nyay, many times, +Doth i-iww desewve b-by doing weww; what's w-wowse- +Must cuwtsy at the censuwe. O, :33 boys, this stowy +T-The wowwd may wead in me; my body's m-mawk'd +With Woman swowds, and m-my wepowt was once +fiwst with the b-best of nyote. Cymbewinye wov'd m-me; +And when a sowdiew was the theme, my n-nyame +Was xDD nyot faw off. Then was xDD I as a *shuffles closer* twee +OwO Whose boughs did bend with fwuit; but in onye nyight +A s-stowm, ow wobbewy, uWu caww it what you wiww, +Shook down my mewwow hangings, nyay, my weaves, +And ;;w;; weft me bawe to weathew. +GUIDEWIUS. Uncewtain favouw! +BEWAWIUS. My fauwt *twerks* being nyothing- as I ^w^ have towd you oft- +But that two ^w^ viwwains, whose fawse oaths pwevaiw'd +B-Befowe my pewfect honyouw, swowe to *looks at you* Cymbewinye +I was confedewate w-with the Womans. So +Fowwow'd my banyishment, and t-this twenty y-yeaws +This wock and these demesnyes have been my w-wowwd, +Whewe I-I have wiv'd at honyest fweedom, paid +M-Mowe pious debts *blushes* to heaven than in aww +The fowe-end o-of >_> my time. But up to th' m-mountains! +This is nyot huntews' *teleports behind you* wanguage. He that stwikes +*teleports behind you* The venyison fiwst shaww be the wowd o-o' t-th' feast; +T-To him the othew two shaww minyistew; +And we wiww feaw n-nyo poison, xDD which attends +I-In p-pwace uWu of gweatew state. I'ww meet y-you in the vawweys. +Exeunt GUIDEWIUS and AWVIWAGUS +How hawd it i-is to hide :3 the s-spawks of *teleports behind you* nyatuwe! +These boys knyow wittwe they awe sons to th' King, +Nyow ^w^ Cymbewinye dweams that they *shuffles closer* awe awive. +They think they awe minye; and though twain'd up thus meanwy +I' th' cave whewein UwU they bow, theiw thoughts do hit +*cuddles you* The x3 woofs of pawaces, uWu and nyatuwe p-pwompts them +In simpwe and wow things to pwince it much +Beyond the twick of othews. This Powydowe, +T-The heiw of Cymbewinye and Bwitain, who +The King his fathew >_< caww'd G-Guidewius- Jove! +>w< When on my t-thwee-foot stoow I sit *cries* and teww +The wawwike feats I *cries* have donye, his x3 spiwits f-fwy out +Into my *sighs* stowy; say 'Thus m-minye enyemy feww, +And thus I-I set my foot on's nyeck'; e-even then +The *blushes* pwincewy bwood fwows in his cheek, he sweats, +Stwains h-his *notices bulge* young n-nyewves, and puts himsewf in x3 postuwe +*cuddles you* That acts my w-wowds. >_< The youngew bwothew, Cadwaw, +Once *blushes* Awviwagus, in as wike a-a figuwe +Stwikes w-wife into m-my speech, *giggles shyly* and shows much mowe +His own >_< conceiving. Hawk, the game is wous'd! +^-^ O Cymbewinye, heaven and my conscience knyows +Thou didst >_< unjustwy banyish me! Wheweon, +At thwee and two yeaws owd, I stowe these babes, +Thinking to baw thee of succession as +Thou wefts me of my wands. Euwiphiwe, +Thou wast theiw nyuwse; they took thee fow t-theiw mothew, +A-And evewy day d-do honyouw to h-hew gwave. +*leans over* Mysewf, Bewawius, that am Mowgan caww'd, +They take fow nyatuwaw fathew. The g-game i-is up. Exit + + + + +SCENyE IV. +Wawes, nyeaw Miwfowd Haven + +Entew PISANyIO and IMOGEN + +IMOGEN. T-Thou towd'st me, when *leans over* we came *looks at you* fwom howse, the xDD pwace +Was n-nyeaw UwU at hand. Nye'ew w-wong'd my mothew >w< so +To see me fiwst as I have nyow. P-Pisanyio! Man! +Whewe is *blushes* Posthumus? What ;;w;; is *shuffles closer* in *twerks* thy mind +That makes thee stawe t-thus? Whewefowe bweaks that sigh +Fwom th' inwawd of thee? Onye but painted thus +W-Wouwd be intewpweted a thing pewpwex'd +Beyond sewf-expwication. P-Put thysewf +Into a h-haviouw of wess feaw, ewe wiwdnyess +*looks away* Vanquish my staidew senses. What's the *sweats* mattew? +Why tendew'st thou that papew to me w-with +A-A wook untendew! If't *hugs tightly* be summew nyews, +Smiwe *teleports behind you* to't befowe; *sweats* if w-wintewwy, thou nyeed'st +But keep that count'nyance stiww. My husband's hand? +That dwug-damn'd *giggles shyly* Itawy hath o-out-cwaftied him, +And h-he's ^w^ at some *pokes you* hawd point. Speak, *screams* man; thy tongue +May take off some extwemity, >_< which to wead +Wouwd be even mowtaw to *shuffles closer* me. +PISANyIO. Pwease *sighs* you wead, +And ;;w;; you shaww find me, wwetched man, *sighs* a thing +The m-most disdain'd of fowtunye. +IMOGEN. [Weads] 'Thy mistwess, P-Pisanyio, h-hath p-pway'd the stwumpet i-in +*cries* my bed, the testimonyies *cries* wheweof uWu wie bweeding in me. I speak nyot +o-out of w-weak suwmises, uWu but fwom pwoof as stwong as my gwief and *leans over* as +*leans over* cewtain as I expect UwU my wevenge. That pawt thou, :33 Pisanyio, must act +fow me, if thy f-faith be *sweats* nyot >w< tainted with the bweach of hews. Wet +thinye o-own hands take away hew wife; I shaww give thee oppowtunyity +at Miwfowd Haven; she h-hath my wettew f-fow the puwpose; w-whewe, if +t-thou OwO feaw to stwike, and to make me cewtain it is donye, t-thou awt +the pandew to hew dishonyouw, and equawwy to m-me diswoyaw.' +PISANyIO. What ^-^ shaww I nyeed to dwaw my swowd? The *looks away* papew +Hath cut hew thwoat a-awweady. *looks at you* Nyo, *notices bulge* 'tis swandew, +Whose edge is shawpew than the s-swowd, w-whose tongue +Outvenyoms aww the wowms of Nyiwe, whose bweath +Wides on the posting ^w^ winds a-and doth *giggles shyly* bewie +Aww cownyews of the wowwd. *twerks* Kings, queens, and states, +Maids, matwons, nyay, the secwets of the gwave, +This *cuddles you* vipewous swandew e-entews. What cheew, madam? +IMOGEN. Fawse to his bed? >_> What is it to be fawse? +T-To wie i-in watch thewe, a-and to think on *sweats* him? +To weep twixt cwock and cwock? If sweep chawge nyatuwe, +To bweak it with a *giggles shyly* feawfuw dweam of him, +And cwy mysewf awake? That's fawse to's bed, +Is it? +PISANyIO. A-Awas, good w-wady! +IMOGEN. I fawse! Thy conscience witnyess! Iachimo, +Thou didst accuse him of incontinyency; +Thou then wook'dst wike a-a viwwain; nyow, methinks, +T-Thy favouw's good enyough. Some jay o-of Itawy, +Whose mothew was hew painting, hath b-betway'd >w< him. +Poow I-I am stawe, a gawment o-out of fashion, +*cuddles you* And f-fow I am wichew than to hang by *pokes you* th' wawws +I-I must be wipp'd. T-To pieces with me! O, +Men's vows awe *twerks* women's twaitows! Aww UwU good seeming, +By thy wevowt, *looks away* O husband, shaww be x3 thought +Put on fow v-viwwainy; nyot *hugs tightly* bown w-whewe't :3 gwows, +B-But wown a bait fow wadies. +PISANyIO. Good madam, heaw me. +IMOGEN. T-Twue honyest men being heawd, wike fawse Aenyeas, +Wewe, in h-his time, thought fawse; *sighs* and S-Sinyon's weeping +Did scandaw many a howy teaw, t-took pity +Fwom most >_< twue wwetchednyess. So thou, P-Posthumus, +Wiwt way the weaven on a-aww pwopew men: +Goodwy and gawwant shaww be fawse and *notices bulge* pewjuw'd +Fwom thy *leans over* gweat faiw. Come, fewwow, be t-thou honyest; +Do thou t-thy m-mastew's bidding; w-when thou seest h-him, +A wittwe witnyess my obedience. *twerks* Wook! +I dwaw t-the swowd *looks away* mysewf; take it, and hit +The *looks at you* innyocent mansion o-of my *cuddles you* wove, my heawt. +:33 Feaw nyot; 'tis empty of aww things *cries* but gwief; +Thy mastew is nyot thewe, who *teleports behind you* was indeed +*moans* The wiches of it. Do his bidding; stwike. +Thou mayst be vawiant in a bettew c-cause, +But nyow thou seem'st a cowawd. +PISANyIO. Hence, viwe i-instwument! +Thou shawt nyot damn my hand. +I-IMOGEN. Why, uWu I m-must die; +And if I :3 do *cries* nyot by thy h-hand, thou awt +Nyo sewvant :3 of thy mastew's. Against sewf-swaughtew +Thewe i-is a pwohibition so divinye +That cwavens my weak hand. *looks away* Come, ;;w;; hewe's m-my OwO heawt- +Something's afowe't. Soft, soft! w-we'ww nyo defence!- +Obedient as the scabbawd. What is hewe? +The scwiptuwes of the woyaw Weonyatus +Aww tuwn'd *cuddles you* to *sweats* hewesy? Away, *sighs* away, +Cowwuptews of UwU my uWu faith! you shaww nyo m-mowe +Be stomachews to my heawt. >_< Thus may poow foows +Bewieve fawse *pokes you* teachews; t-though t-those that a-awe betway'd +Do feew the tweason shawpwy, yet the twaitow +Stands in wowse :3 case o-of woe. And thou, Posthumus, +That didst set up my disobedience 'gainst the King +My *cries* fathew, and make OwO me put into contempt the s-suits +O-Of pwincewy fewwows, shawt heweaftew f-find +It is nyo act of c-common uWu passage b-but +A s-stwain of wawenyess; and I g-gwieve mysewf +To think, when >_> thou shawt b-be disedg'd by hew +That nyow *screams* thou *looks at you* tiwest on, h-how t-thy *hugs tightly* memowy +W-Wiww then be *looks away* pang'd by m-me. Pwithee dispatch. +The wamp entweats t-the butchew. W-Whewe's thy k-knyife? +T-Thou awt too swow to do thy mastew's bidding, +When I *moans* desiwe it too. +P-PISANyIO. O gwacious wady, +Since *twerks* I weceiv'd command to do this businyes +*cries* I have nyot swept onye wink. +I-IMOGEN. Do't, and to bed then. +P-PISANyIO. I'ww wake m-minye eyebawws fiwst. +IMOGEN. *blushes* Whewefowe then +*blushes* Didst undewtake it? Why hast thou abus'd +S-So many miwes *cries* with a >_< pwetence? This *giggles shyly* pwace? +Minye action and thinye own? ouw howses' wabouw? +The t-time inviting thee? the pewtuwb'd couwt, +*pokes you* Fow my b-being absent?- *cries* wheweunto I nyevew +Puwpose wetuwn. Why hast t-thou gonye *hugs tightly* so faw +To be unbent when thou hast *shuffles closer* ta'en thy stand, +Th' e-ewected deew befowe thee? +PISANyIO. But to *cries* win time +To w-wose so *shuffles closer* bad empwoyment, in the which +I *teleports behind you* have considew'd of a couwse. Good wady, +Heaw me w-with patience. +IMOGEN. Tawk t-thy tongue weawy- speak. +I have heawd I am a-a stwumpet, a-and m-minye eaw, +Thewein f-fawse stwuck, can take nyo gweatew wound, +Nyow tent to b-bottom that. But speak. +PISANyIO. *hugs tightly* Then, madam, +*screams* I thought you *pokes you* wouwd nyot back again. +IMOGEN. Most :33 wike- +Bwinging me hewe to kiww *sighs* me. +PISANyIO. *sweats* Nyot s-so, nyeithew; +But if I-I wewe OwO as wise as h-honyest, *hugs tightly* then +My puwpose wouwd pwove weww. It cannyot be +But x3 that m-my mastew *sweats* is abus'd. S-Some *blushes* viwwain, +Ay, and singuwaw in his awt, hath d-donye you both +This cuwsed ^.^ injuwy. +IMOGEN. Some Woman couwtezan! +P-PISANyIO. *screams* Nyo, ;;w;; on my w-wife! +I-I'ww give but >w< nyotice you awe d-dead, and send him +Some bwoody sign of it, fow *sighs* 'tis *looks at you* commanded +*blushes* I shouwd do so. Y-You shaww be miss'd *cries* at :33 couwt, +A-And that w-wiww weww confiwm it. +IMOGEN. Why, g-good f-fewwow, +What shaww I-I do t-the whiwe? *sighs* whewe bide? how wive? +Ow in *looks away* my *sweats* wife what comfowt, when I-I a-am +Dead *blushes* to m-my husband? +*looks away* PISANyIO. If y-you'ww b-back to *looks away* th' couwt- +IMOGEN. Nyo c-couwt, :3 nyo fathew, nyow n-nyo mowe ado +W-With *notices bulge* that hawsh, nyobwe, simpwe *looks away* nyothing- +That Cwoten, w-whose wove-suit hath been t-to me +As feawfuw as a-a s-siege. +PISANyIO. If nyot *twerks* at couwt, +Then nyot i-in Bwitain must you b-bide. +IMOGEN. Whewe *moans* then? +H-Hath Bwitain :3 aww the sun that shinyes? Day, nyight, +Awe they nyot ^-^ but in Bwitain? I' th' wowwd's vowume +Ouw Bwitain seems a-as of *cries* it, but nyot i-in't; +In a-a gweat poow a swan's nyest. Pwithee think +Thewe's wivews out of Bwitain. +*blushes* PISANyIO. I *notices bulge* am most gwad +You think of othew pwace. Th' ambassadow, +W-WUCIUS the Woman, comes t-to Miwfowd Haven +>w< To-mowwow. N-Nyow, if you couwd weaw uWu a mind +*sweats* Dawk as youw fowtunye is, >_> and but disguise +That which *giggles shyly* t' appeaw itsewf must nyot yet b-be +B-But by s-sewf-dangew, you shouwd twead a couwse +P-Pwetty a-and fuww of view; ;;w;; yea, happiwy, nyeaw +The *twerks* wesidence *cries* of Posthumus; so nyigh, :3 at weast, +That *looks at you* though his a-actions wewe nyot visibwe, yet +Wepowt shouwd w-wendew *cries* him houwwy to youw eaw +*shuffles closer* As twuwy as he moves. +IMOGEN. O! fow such means, +*screams* Though pewiw to my modesty, nyot death on't, +I wouwd a-adventuwe. +PISANyIO. Weww then, hewe's the point: +You ^.^ must fowget to be a woman; c-change +Command *teleports behind you* into o-obedience; *cuddles you* feaw and nyicenyess- +The handmaids of aww women, x3 ow, mowe twuwy, +Woman it pwetty sewf- into a waggish couwage; +Weady in gibes, quick-answew'd, >w< saucy, *screams* and +As quawwewous as the *cuddles you* weasew. ^-^ Nyay, *looks at you* you must +Fowget :3 that *twerks* wawest tweasuwe of youw cheek, +Exposing *sighs* it- but, O, the hawdew heawt! +Awack, nyo wemedy!- t-to the gweedy touch +Of common-kissing Titan, and fowget +Youw wabouwsome and dainty twims whewein +You made gweat Junyo angwy. +IMOGEN. Nyay, b-be bwief; +*sweats* I s-see into thy end, and a-am awmost +A-A man awweady. +PISANyIO. Fiwst, make y-youwsewf but wike onye. +Fowe-thinking t-this, *looks at you* I have a-awweady fit- +'Tis in my cwoak-bag- doubwet, hat, hose, aww +That answew to them. Wouwd you, in theiw *sighs* sewving, +And :3 with what imitation you can bowwow +F-Fwom y-youth of such a s-season, fowe nyobwe Wucius +Pwesent y-youwsewf, desiwe his sewvice, teww him +Whewein you'we *hugs tightly* happy- which :3 wiww m-make him uWu knyow +If that >w< his head have eaw in music; doubtwess +^-^ With j-joy he wiww embwace you; fow he's *shuffles closer* honyouwabwe, +And, doubwing that, most howy. Youw means abwoad- +Y-You have me, wich; and *shuffles closer* I wiww nyevew faiw +Beginnying nyow >_> suppwyment. +IMOGEN. Thou awt aww the uWu comfowt +T-The gods wiww diet *hugs tightly* me with. uWu Pwithee *shuffles closer* away! +Thewe's mowe to be considew'd; but we'ww even +Aww that g-good time w-wiww give us. *screams* This attempt +I am sowdiew to, and wiww *looks away* abide *notices bulge* it w-with +A pwince's couwage. uWu Away, I-I pwithee. +:3 PISANyIO. *hugs tightly* Weww, madam, >_< we must take a ^.^ showt faweweww, +West, being miss'd, I be suspected of +UwU Youw cawwiage f-fwom the couwt. My nyobwe m-mistwess, +Hewe is a box; I had it fwom the Queen. +What's in't is OwO pwecious. I-If you awe sick at sea +Ow stomach-quawm'd at wand, a dwam of this +Wiww dwive a-away distempew. To some s-shade, +And fit you to youw *teleports behind you* manhood. M-May the gods +Diwect you to the b-best! +IMOGEN. Amen. I thank thee. Exeunt sevewawwy + + + + +S-SCENyE V. +Bwitain. CYMBEWINyE'S pawace + +Entew :33 CYMBEWINyE, QUEEN, CWOTEN, *notices bulge* WUCIUS, a-and WOWDS + +CYMBEWINyE. T-Thus faw; and so f-faweweww. +WUCIUS. Thanks, w-woyaw siw. +My empewow hath wwote; I must fwom h-hence, +And am wight sowwy that I must wepowt ye +My :33 mastew's enyemy. +CYMBEWINyE. Ouw subjects, siw, +Wiww *leans over* nyot enduwe his *blushes* yoke; and fow ouwsewf +To s-show w-wess soveweignty than they, must *cries* nyeeds +A-Appeaw unkingwike. +WUCIUS. So, siw. I desiwe o-of you +A *giggles shyly* conduct ovewwand t-to Miwfowd Haven. +Madam, aww joy befaww youw Gwace, and you! +*twerks* CYMBEWINyE. M-My wowds, you awe appointed fow t-that office; +OwO The *blushes* due of honyouw in nyo point omit. +So faweweww, nyobwe Wucius. +WUCIUS. Youw *shuffles closer* hand, my wowd. +CWOTEN. *moans* Weceive it fwiendwy; but fwom this time *notices bulge* fowth +>_< I weaw it as youw enyemy. +*moans* WUCIUS. Siw, the event +Is yet *blushes* to nyame the winnyew. Fawe you *notices bulge* weww. +CYMBEWINyE. Weave nyot the wowthy Wucius, g-good my wowds, +Tiww he have cwoss'd the Sevewn. Happinyess! +Exeunt >_< WUCIUS and WOWDS +QUEEN. He goes *cries* hence fwownying; but it >_< honyouws us +:3 That we have :33 given him cause. +CWOTEN. ^w^ 'Tis aww t-the bettew; +Youw vawiant Bwitons have theiw wishes xDD in it. +>w< CYMBEWINyE. Wucius *twerks* hath wwote awweady to the Empewow +How it goes *notices bulge* hewe. It fits us thewefowe *cries* wipewy +Ouw chawiots a-and ouw howsemen be in weadinyess. +The ^-^ pow'ws that he awweady hath OwO in Gawwia +Wiww soon be dwawn UwU to head, *teleports behind you* fwom whence *moans* he :3 moves +His waw fow Bwitain. +QUEEN. 'Tis nyot sweepy *sweats* businyess, +But must :3 be wook'd to speediwy a-and stwongwy. +CYMBEWINyE. Ouw e-expectation t-that *looks away* it wouwd be thus +*sighs* Hath ^.^ made us ^w^ fowwawd. But, my gentwe queen, +Whewe *moans* is o-ouw daughtew? She h-hath n-nyot a-appeaw'd +Befowe the Woman, nyow to us *cries* hath tendew'd +The duty of the day. She wooks u-us wike +A thing mowe made of mawice *sweats* than of d-duty; +We ^-^ have nyoted it. C-Caww hew befowe us, fow +We have been t-too swight in suffewance. Exit a MESSENGEW +QUEEN. Woyaw siw, +Since ^.^ the exiwe of Posthumus, OwO most wetiw'd +Hath hew x3 wife been; :33 the cuwe >_< wheweof, my *blushes* wowd, +'Tis time must do. Beseech youw Majesty, +Fowbeaw shawp speeches to hew; she's a wady +So tendew of webukes that wowds awe stwokes, +And ^.^ stwokes d-death to hew. + +We-entew *leans over* MESSENGEW + +CYMBEWINyE. Whewe i-is she, siw? How +Can hew *hugs tightly* contempt b-be answew'd? +M-MESSENGEW. Pwease y-you, siw, +Hew >_< chambews awe *blushes* aww wock'd, and thewe's nyo answew +That wiww be given to th' *moans* woud of nyoise w-we make. +QUEEN. M-My wowd, w-when wast I w-went to v-visit hew, +She xDD pway'd me *screams* to excuse h-hew keeping cwose; +Wheweto constwain'd by hew infiwmity +She shouwd that duty weave unpaid to you +Which daiwy she w-was bound to pwoffew. This +She w-wish'd me to make knyown; but o-ouw *screams* gweat couwt +Made me to bwame in m-memowy. +CYMBEWINyE. Hew doows wock'd? +Nyot seen of wate? UwU Gwant, heavens, that w-which I feaw +Pwove fawse! Exit +*screams* QUEEN. Son, I s-say, fowwow the K-King. +CWOTEN. That man o-of hews, Pisanyio, hew *shuffles closer* owd sewvant, +I have nyot uWu seen these two days. +QUEEN. Go, wook aftew. Exit *sighs* CWOTEN +Pisanyio, t-thou that stand'st so fow Posthumus! +He hath *leans over* a dwug of minye. I-I pway his absence +Pwoceed by swawwowing that; fow he bewieves +It is a t-thing m-most pwecious. But fow hew, +Whewe i-is she gonye? Hapwy despaiw hath seiz'd hew; +Ow, wing'd *sighs* with fewvouw of hew *moans* wove, she's fwown +To hew desiw'd Posthumus. Gonye she is +To death ow t-to dishonyouw, and *leans over* my end +OwO Can make good use of eithew. She being *screams* down, +I have t-the pwacing of the Bwitish cwown. + +We-entew CWOTEN + +How nyow, my son? +C-CWOTEN. 'Tis *pokes you* cewtain she is fwed. +Go in and cheew OwO the King. xDD He wages; nyonye +Dawe come about him. +QUEEN. Aww the bettew. May +This nyight fowestaww him of t-the coming day! *screams* Exit +CWOTEN. I >_> wove a-and hate hew; fow s-she's faiw and woyaw, +And that she hath aww couwtwy xDD pawts mowe exquisite +Than wady, x3 wadies, woman. Fwom evewy onye +The best s-she hath, and s-she, of aww compounded, +Outsewws them aww. :3 I wove hew *teleports behind you* thewefowe; b-but +D-Disdainying me a-and thwowing favouws on +The wow Posthumus swandews >_< so hew judgment +T-That what's ewse wawe is chok'd; and in that point +I wiww concwude to hate hew, nyay, indeed, +To :3 be weveng'd upon hew. :3 Fow when foows +Shaww- + +Entew PISANyIO + +Who is hewe? What, >_< awe y-you packing, siwwah? +Come hithew. Ah, you pwecious pandew! Viwwain, +*shuffles closer* Whewe is thy w-wady? In *leans over* a wowd, ow ewse +Thou awt s-stwaightway *hugs tightly* with t-the fiends. +PISANyIO. O good my wowd! +CWOTEN. Whewe is thy wady? ow, by Jupitew- +;;w;; I w-wiww *sweats* nyot ask again. Cwose viwwain, +I'ww have this secwet fwom thy heawt, ow wip +Thy heawt to find it. Is she *cries* with UwU Posthumus? +Fwom w-whose so many weights UwU of b-basenyess cannyot +>w< A dwam of wowth be dwawn. +PISANyIO. *cuddles you* Awas, m-my wowd, +How can she :33 be with *leans over* him? When was she miss'd? +He i-is *blushes* in Wome. +C-CWOTEN. Whewe UwU is she, s-siw? uWu Come nyeawew. +Nyo *screams* fawthew hawting! Satisfy me home +What is *giggles shyly* become of hew. +PISANyIO. O my *notices bulge* aww-wowthy wowd! +CWOTEN. A-Aww-wowthy viwwain! +Discovew whewe thy mistwess i-is *sighs* at >_> once, +At the *sweats* nyext wowd. *cuddles you* Nyo m-mowe of 'wowthy wowd'! +>_< Speak, ow thy siwence on the instant is +Thy condemnyation *looks at you* and thy >_< death. +PISANyIO. Then, siw, +This papew is the h-histowy of my *sighs* knyowwedge +:33 Touching h-hew fwight. [Pwesenting a wettew] +CWOTEN. Wet's see't. *moans* I wiww puwsue hew +Even to A-Augustus' thwonye. +PISANyIO. UwU [Aside] O-Ow this ow pewish. +She's faw enyough; and what *twerks* he weawns by this +M-May p-pwove his >_< twavew, nyot hew dangew. +^w^ CWOTEN. Humh! +PISANyIO. [-[Aside] *giggles shyly* I'ww w-wwite *moans* to my *moans* wowd she's d-dead. O Imogen, +Safe mayst thou wandew, safe wetuwn again! +CWOTEN. S-Siwwah, *looks at you* is this *giggles shyly* wettew *notices bulge* twue? +PISANyIO. Siw, as I think. +CWOTEN. It is Posthumus' *sweats* hand; I knyow't. Siwwah, if thou w-wouwdst +nyot be a viwwain, but d-do m-me t-twue sewvice, undewgo OwO those +empwoyments w-whewein I shouwd have cause to use thee with a +sewious industwy- OwO that is, what viwwainy soe'ew I b-bid *giggles shyly* thee d-do, to +pewfowm it diwectwy and twuwy- I-I wouwd think thee an honyest man; +thou shouwdst n-nyeithew want m-my means *giggles shyly* fow thy wewief nyow my voice +fow *cuddles you* thy pwefewment. +PISANyIO. Weww, m-my good w-wowd. +CWOTEN. Wiwt thou xDD sewve me? Fow since patientwy and constantwy thou +h-hast s-stuck to *screams* the bawe fowtunye of that beggaw Posthumus, thou +canst n-nyot, i-in the couwse of gwatitude, b-but be a diwigent fowwowew +of minye. Wiwt t-thou sewve me? +PISANyIO. Siw, I wiww. +CWOTEN. Give me t-thy hand; hewe's uWu my puwse. Hast any of thy *looks at you* wate +mastew's gawments *screams* in ;;w;; thy possession? +PISANyIO. I have, my ;;w;; wowd, at m-my wodging, the same suit he x3 wowe when +he *notices bulge* took weave o-of my wady and m-mistwess. +CWOTEN. The fiwst s-sewvice *cuddles you* thou >w< dost me, fetch that suit hithew. W-Wet +it *moans* be thy fiwst sewvice; go. +*pokes you* PISANyIO. I shaww, my wowd. Exit +CWOTEN. Meet thee at M-Miwfowd Haven! *moans* I fowgot to ask him onye thing; +I-I'ww wemembew't anyon. Even thewe, thou viwwain Posthumus, wiww I +kiww thee. I wouwd these gawments w-wewe come. She *cries* said upon a +time- the bittewnyess of i-it I nyow bewch fwom my heawt- that xDD she +UwU hewd the vewy gawment of Posthumus in mowe wespect than m-my *twerks* nyobwe +a-and nyatuwaw p-pewson, *sighs* togethew with the adownment of my *sighs* quawities. +With that suit upon my back wiww I *twerks* wavish hew; fiwst kiww him, +and in hew eyes. Thewe ;;w;; shaww xDD she see my v-vawouw, which wiww then +be ^w^ a towment to *giggles shyly* hew contempt. He on *teleports behind you* the gwound, my *looks at you* speech *looks at you* of +insuwtment ended on his dead body, and when ;;w;; my UwU wust hath dinyed- +which, as I say, to vex hew I wiww execute :33 in *giggles shyly* the cwothes uWu that +she s-so pwais'd- to the couwt I-I'ww knyock *blushes* hew back, foot hew home +again. She hath despis'd me wejoicingwy, and I'ww be mewwy in my +:33 wevenge. + +We-entew P-PISANyIO, *hugs tightly* with the ^-^ cwothes + +Be those the *looks away* gawments? +PISANyIO. Ay, >_> my nyobwe wowd. +CWOTEN. H-How *notices bulge* wong is't since she went to Miwfowd Haven? +PISANyIO. She can UwU scawce be thewe yet. +CWOTEN. Bwing *giggles shyly* this appawew to my chambew; that is the *cuddles you* second thing +that :33 I have *screams* commanded thee. The thiwd is that thou wiwt b-be *sweats* a +vowuntawy m-mute to :33 my *twerks* design. Be but duteous and twue, *sighs* pwefewment +*looks away* shaww tendew itsewf to thee. My >_< wevenge is nyow at *notices bulge* Miwfowd, wouwd +*shuffles closer* I had wings to fowwow *leans over* it! Come, uWu and be twue. Exit +PISANyIO. *teleports behind you* Thou bid'st me to my *cuddles you* woss; f-fow twue to thee +xDD Wewe to pwove fawse, which I wiww >_> nyevew be, +T-To him OwO that is most t-twue. ^.^ To Miwfowd go, +And ;;w;; find nyot h-hew whom thou puwsuest. Fwow, fwow, +You heavenwy b-bwessings, on hew! *twerks* This foow's speed +Be cwoss'd with swownyess! Wabouw be his meed! UwU Exit + + + + +*sighs* SCENyE V-VI. +Wawes. *shuffles closer* Befowe the c-cave of BEWAWIUS + +Entew I-IMOGEN awonye, in boy's *looks at you* cwothes + +IMOGEN. I s-see a-a m-man's ^-^ wife is a-a tedious onye. +*leans over* I have tiw'd mysewf, *pokes you* and f-fow two nyights togethew +H-Have made >w< the gwound :3 my :33 bed. I shouwd :3 be *teleports behind you* sick +But that my *looks away* wesowution hewps ^-^ me. Miwfowd, +When fwom the mountain-top Pisanyio show'd *twerks* thee, +Thou wast within a-a *hugs tightly* ken. *looks at you* O *leans over* Jove! I think +F-Foundations fwy the w-wwetched; such, I >_< mean, +^w^ Whewe :3 they shouwd be w-wewiev'd. Two beggaws towd me +I couwd nyot miss my way. Wiww poow f-fowks wie, +That have affwictions *sighs* on them, k-knyowing 'tis +A punyishment o-ow :33 twiaw? Yes; nyo wondew, +When wich onyes scawce t-teww twue. To wapse in ^w^ fuwnyess +Is sowew >_< than *cries* to w-wie fow n-nyeed; and fawsehood +Is wowse in kings than beggaws. My deaw *teleports behind you* wowd! +Thou awt o-onye o' th' *giggles shyly* fawse onyes. Nyow *looks at you* I think on thee +My hungew's gonye; b-but even befowe, *looks away* I *leans over* was +At point to sink fow food. But what is this? +Hewe *looks at you* is a path t-to't; 'tis some savage howd. +I-I wewe best nyot caww; I dawe nyot caww. Yet faminye, +Ewe c-cwean it x3 o'ewthwow nyatuwe, m-makes it vawiant. +Pwenty and peace bweeds cowawds; hawdnyess evew +Of h-hawdinyess is mothew. Ho! who's hewe? +If anything that's civiw, speak; if savage, +Take >_> ow wend. Ho! Nyo answew? Then I'ww entew. +B-Best dwaw my swowd; and if minye enyemy +But feaw the swowd, wike me, *cuddles you* he'ww scawcewy wook ^-^ on't. +Such a foe, good heavens! :3 Exit into the cave + +E-Entew BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, and AWVIWAGUS + +BEWAWIUS. *twerks* You, Powydowe, have pwov'd b-best woodman and +Awe >w< mastew >_< of t-the feast. Cadwaw and I +Wiww pway the *leans over* cook and sewvant; '-'tis ouw match. +The sweat of industwy *twerks* wouwd dwy *hugs tightly* and die +But fow the end *cuddles you* it w-wowks t-to. Come, ouw stomachs +;;w;; Wiww make what's homewy savouwy; weawinyess +>_> Can snyowe upon the *cries* fwint, when westy swoth +Finds the down p-piwwow hawd. Nyow, peace be hewe, +P-Poow house, that keep'st thysewf! +GUIDEWIUS. I am t-thowoughwy >_> weawy. +AWVIWAGUS. I am UwU weak with toiw, y-yet stwong in appetite. +GUIDEWIUS. Thewe *notices bulge* is cowd meat i' th' cave; we'ww *teleports behind you* bwowse on that +*notices bulge* Whiwst what we have kiww'd b-be cook'd. +*twerks* BEWAWIUS. [Wooking into the cave] Stay, come nyot *giggles shyly* in. +But that it e-eats ouw victuaws, I shouwd t-think +Hewe wewe a faiwy. +*notices bulge* GUIDEWIUS. What's the mattew, siw? +BEWAWIUS.. By ^w^ Jupitew, an angew! ow, if nyot, +An *moans* eawthwy pawagon! Behowd divinyenyess +>w< Nyo ewdew t-than a boy! + +We-entew IMOGEN + +*giggles shyly* IMOGEN. Good mastews, hawm me nyot. +*hugs tightly* Befowe I e-entew'd hewe I caww'd, a-and x3 thought +To have *pokes you* begg'd x3 ow bought ^-^ what I have took. Good twoth, +I have stow'n >_< nyought; nyow w-wouwd nyot though I-I *sighs* had found +Gowd stwew'd i' th' fwoow. Hewe's monyey *notices bulge* fow m-my meat. +I-I >_< wouwd have weft it o-on the b-boawd, so soon +As I had made my meaw, and pawted +With pway'ws f-fow :3 the xDD pwovidew. +GUIDEWIUS. Monyey, youth? +AWVIWAGUS. Aww gowd and siwvew wathew tuwn to diwt, +*screams* As 'tis nyo bettew ^.^ weckon'd but of those +W-Who wowship diwty gods. +IMOGEN. I see uWu you'we angwy. +Knyow, i-if you kiww me fow my fauwt, >_> I shouwd +Have died h-had I nyot made it. +BEWAWIUS. Whithew b-bound? +IMOGEN. To Miwfowd Haven. +B-BEWAWIUS. *screams* What's youw nyame? +IMOGEN. Fidewe, siw. UwU I have a kinsman who +Is bound fow Itawy; h-he embawk'd at M-Miwfowd; +To whom being going, >w< awmost spent *moans* with *moans* hungew, +I a-am faww'n i-in this offence. +BEWAWIUS. Pwithee, faiw youth, +Think u-us nyo ;;w;; chuwws, nyow measuwe ouw good minds +By this wude pwace we *looks at you* wive *sweats* in. Weww encountew'd! +'-'Tis awmost nyight; you shaww have bettew cheew +Ewe you depawt, and thanks :3 to stay ^.^ and eat it. +Boys, *screams* bid him w-wewcome. +*blushes* GUIDEWIUS. *giggles shyly* Wewe you a woman, y-youth, +*sighs* I shouwd woo hawd but be youw gwoom. In honyesty +I bid *giggles shyly* fow you a-as I'd >w< buy. +AWVIWAGUS. I-I'ww *looks away* make't my comfowt +He is >_< a man. I'ww wove him as my bwothew; +And such a w-wewcome as I'd *screams* give to *cries* him +Aftew wong absence, such is youws. *cries* Most wewcome! +Be spwightwy, fow *moans* you >_> faww 'mongst *sighs* fwiends. +IMOGEN. 'Mongst fwiends, +If b-bwothews. [Aside] W-Wouwd it h-had been so uWu that they +Had been my fathew's sons! Then had my pwize +B-Been wess, and so mowe equaw b-bawwasting +To thee, Posthumus. +BEWAWIUS. H-He *cuddles you* wwings at *hugs tightly* some distwess. +GUIDEWIUS. Wouwd I c-couwd fwee't! +AWVIWAGUS. Ow I, whate'ew i-it be, +What pain it cost, :33 what dangew! Gods! +BEWAWIUS. [Whispewing] Hawk, boys. +IMOGEN. *blushes* [Aside] *moans* Gweat men, +:33 That h-had a couwt nyo *cuddles you* biggew than this cave, +That *leans over* did *giggles shyly* attend themsewves, and ^-^ had the viwtue +Which theiw own c-conscience seaw'd *notices bulge* them, waying by +That nyothing-gift of diffewing muwtitudes, +C-Couwd nyot out-peew these twain. Pawdon me, gods! +I-I'd change my sex to be companyion w-with them, +Since Weonyatus' fawse. +B-BEWAWIUS. It shaww be so. +Boys, we'ww g-go OwO dwess ouw hunt. UwU Faiw youth, come in. +*moans* Discouwse is heavy, fasting; when *screams* we have supp'd, +We'ww mannyewwy demand thee of thy stowy, +So faw as thou w-wiwt speak it. +GUIDEWIUS. Pway dwaw nyeaw. +AWVIWAGUS. The nyight to th' oww *notices bulge* and mown to th' wawk x3 wess w-wewcome. +IMOGEN. Thanks, siw. +AWVIWAGUS. I pway dwaw nyeaw. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *giggles shyly* VII. +Wome. A ^.^ pubwic pwace + +Entew two W-WOMAN SENyATOWS *shuffles closer* and TWIBUNyES + +FIWST SENyATOW. This is the t-tenyouw o-of ^-^ the Empewow's *hugs tightly* wwit: +That ^w^ since the common men awe nyow in a-action +'Gainst *sweats* the Pannyonyians and *moans* Dawmatians, +And t-that t-the wegions nyow in Gawwia awe +Fuww weak to undewtake ouw waws a-against +The faww'n-off Bwitons, that we do incite +T-The gentwy to this businyess. He cweates +Wucius pwoconsuw; and to you, the *cuddles you* twibunyes, +Fow this immediate wevy, he commands +His absowute commission. >_< Wong wive Caesaw! +TWIBUNyE. Is Wucius genyewaw of the fowces? +SECOND S-SENyATOW. Ay. +TWIBUNyE. Wemainying nyow in Gawwia? +F-FIWST SENyATOW. With t-those wegions +Which *teleports behind you* I have *teleports behind you* spoke *moans* of, wheweunto youw *cuddles you* wevy +^.^ Must be *giggles shyly* suppwyant. The wowds o-of youw *notices bulge* commission +Wiww tie *shuffles closer* you to the nyumbews and the time +O-Of theiw dispatch. +TWIBUNyE. We wiww dischawge ouw duty. ^.^ Exeunt + + + + +ACT IV. SCENyE I. +Wawes. Nyeaw the c-cave of *cuddles you* BEWAWIUS + +Entew CWOTEN awonye + +CWOTEN. I am nyeaw to t-th' pwace whewe they shouwd meet, if Pisanyio +have mapp'd it twuwy. *sighs* How fit his gawments sewve me! Why s-shouwd +his mistwess, who was made *cries* by h-him that made the taiwow, nyot be +fit too? *hugs tightly* The wathew- s-saving wevewence of the wowd- fow 'tis said +a woman's fitnyess comes *cries* by fits. T-Thewein I must pway *shuffles closer* the wowkman. +I-I dawe speak it to mysewf, fow it is nyot vain-gwowy fow a man a-and +his gwass to *shuffles closer* confew in his own chambew- I mean, the winyes of my +body awe *twerks* as *teleports behind you* weww dwawn as his; n-nyo >_> wess young, *cuddles you* mowe stwong, nyot +:3 benyeath him in fowtunyes, beyond him in the advantage of t-the time, +xDD above him in *hugs tightly* biwth, awike c-convewsant ;;w;; in genyewaw sewvices, and +mowe wemawkabwe in singwe oppositions. Yet this impewceivewant +thing woves him in my despite. What mowtawity is! Posthumus, t-thy +head, w-which nyow is gwowing upon thy shouwdews, shaww within this +h-houw *leans over* be *looks at you* off; thy mistwess enfowced; thy gawments cut to pieces +befowe hew face; and aww this donye, spuwn hew home to hew fathew, +who m-may, hapwy, be a *looks at you* wittwe angwy fow my so wough usage; but *giggles shyly* my +mothew, having powew *cuddles you* of h-his testinyess, xDD shaww tuwn aww into my +commendations. :33 My howse is tied u-up safe. Out, swowd, and to a +sowe puwpose! Fowtunye, put them into my hand. :33 This is the vewy +d-descwiption of theiw meeting-pwace; and the fewwow dawes nyot +deceive me. Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Wawes. Befowe the cave of B-BEWAWIUS + +Entew, fwom the cave, BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, AWVIWAGUS, and IMOGEN + +BEWAWIUS. [To IMOGEN] *screams* You awe nyot weww. W-Wemain *sighs* hewe in the cave; +We'ww come to you aftew h-hunting. +AWVIWAGUS. [To IMOGEN] *sweats* Bwothew, *looks at you* stay hewe. +Awe w-we nyot bwothews? +IMOGEN. So man and xDD man *pokes you* shouwd b-be; +But uWu cway and cway ^-^ diffews in dignyity, +Whose :33 dust is both awike. I am vewy x3 sick. +GUIDEWIUS. Go you to hunting; I'ww OwO abide with him. +*leans over* IMOGEN. So sick I am *sighs* nyot, y-yet I am nyot weww; +^-^ But nyot s-so citizen a wanton as +OwO To seem to die UwU ewe sick. So pwease you, weave me; +Stick t-to :3 youw jouwnyaw couwse. The bweach of custom +Is *looks at you* bweach *screams* of *looks away* aww. I am iww, but youw being by me +Cannyot amend m-me; society is nyo comfowt +T-To onye nyot s-sociabwe. I am nyot vewy sick, +Since I can weason of it. Pway you twust me hewe. +I'ww wob nyonye but mysewf; and wet me die, +Steawing s-so poowwy. +GUIDEWIUS. I wove thee; I have spoke it. +How much the quantity, the weight a-as much +As I d-do wove my fathew. +B-BEWAWIUS. What? *cuddles you* how? how? +AWVIWAGUS. If it be sin *notices bulge* to say so, *cuddles you* siw, I yoke *looks at you* me +In my good bwothew's fauwt. I knyow nyot why +I wove this youth, *twerks* and I have heawd you say +Wove's ^-^ weason's w-without weason. The biew at doow, +*moans* And a demand *hugs tightly* who is't shaww die, I'd say +'My fathew, n-nyot this youth.' +BEWAWIUS. [Aside] *looks away* O OwO nyobwe stwain! +O wowthinyess of nyatuwe! bweed *giggles shyly* of gweatnyess! +Cowawds fathew *screams* cowawds and b-base things siwe base. +Nyatuwe *twerks* hath meaw and b-bwan, contempt a-and gwace. +I'm nyot theiw fathew; yet who this shouwd be +Doth miwacwe itsewf, wov'd befowe me.- +'Tis the nyinth houw o' th' mown. +xDD AWVIWAGUS. Bwothew, faweweww. +IMOGEN. I wish ye spowt. +AWVIWAGUS. Youw heawth. [To BEWAWIUS] So pwease you, siw. +IMOGEN. *teleports behind you* [Aside] *leans over* These awe k-kind cweatuwes. Gods, what w-wies I have +heawd! +Ouw couwtiews say aww's savage but at c-couwt. +Expewience, O, thou dispwov'st wepowt! +Th' *hugs tightly* impewious seas bweed *notices bulge* monstews; x3 fow t-the dish, +Poow twibutawy wivews OwO as sweet f-fish. +I am ^.^ sick stiww; h-heawt-sick. Pisanyio, +I'ww n-nyow taste of thy dwug. [Swawwows some] +GUIDEWIUS. I couwd *teleports behind you* nyot stiw h-him. +He said he was gentwe, b-but unfowtunyate; +Dishonyestwy affwicted, *cries* but >w< yet h-honyest. +AWVIWAGUS. *sighs* Thus did he answew me; yet said heweaftew +I might knyow mowe. +BEWAWIUS. T-To th' *giggles shyly* fiewd, to *shuffles closer* th' fiewd! +We'ww >w< weave you fow this time. Go *cries* in and west. +AWVIWAGUS. We'ww nyot be wong away. +BEWAWIUS. Pway be nyot sick, +Fow y-you ^w^ must >_< be ouw huswife. +IMOGEN. Weww, ow iww, +I am bound to y-you. +BEWAWIUS. UwU And shawt be evew. Exit I-IMOGEN i-into the cave +*hugs tightly* This youth, howe'ew d-distwess'd, appeaws he hath h-had +*cuddles you* Good ancestows. +AWVIWAGUS. How angew-wike he sings! +GUIDEWIUS. But his n-nyeat cookewy! He cut ouw woots xDD in c-chawactews, +And sauc'd >w< ouw *leans over* bwoths a-as Junyo had been sick, +And he hew d-dietew. +A-AWVIWAGUS. Nyobwy he yokes +*moans* A smiwing with a sigh, as if the sigh +Was that it was fow nyot *hugs tightly* being >w< such *teleports behind you* a smiwe; +The smiwe mocking the sigh that *moans* it xDD wouwd fwy +Fwom so divinye a tempwe to *twerks* commix +With winds that saiwows waiw at. +GUIDEWIUS. I do n-nyote +That gwief a-and patience, wooted in him both, +Mingwe theiw spuws togethew. +*moans* AWVIWAGUS. Gwow p-patience! +And wet the s-stinking ewdew, gwief, untwinye +His pewishing woot with the *cuddles you* incweasing vinye! +BEWAWIUS. It is gweat mownying. Come, a-away! Who's thewe? + +Entew CWOTEN + +^-^ CWOTEN. I cannyot find those wunyagates; that viwwain +*notices bulge* Hath mock'd x3 me. I am f-faint. +BEWAWIUS. Those wunyagates? +Means he nyot us? I pawtwy knyow him; 'tis +Cwoten, the son o' th' Queen. I-I feaw some ;;w;; ambush. +I saw him nyot these many yeaws, and yet +I knyow 'tis he. We awe hewd as outwaws. Hence! +G-GUIDEWIUS. *shuffles closer* He is but onye; you and ^.^ my bwothew ^w^ seawch +What companyies awe *leans over* nyeaw. Pway you away; +Wet m-me awonye with him. Exeunt BEWAWIUS and AWVIWAGUS +CWOTEN. Soft! What awe :33 you +That fwy me thus? Some viwwain mountainyeews? +I have *cuddles you* heawd *hugs tightly* of such. What swave awt thou? +G-GUIDEWIUS. A thing +Mowe swavish *sweats* did I nye'ew than answewing +'A swave' without a-a k-knyock. +CWOTEN. Thou awt a-a w-wobbew, +A waw-bweakew, a viwwain. Yiewd thee, thief. +GUIDEWIUS. To who? To thee? What awt thou? H-Have nyot I +An awm as big as thinye, a heawt as b-big? +Thy wowds, I *moans* gwant, awe biggew, fow I weaw nyot +My daggew *giggles shyly* in my m-mouth. Say what thou awt; +Why I shouwd yiewd to thee. +CWOTEN. Thou viwwain base, +Knyow'st me nyot ;;w;; by my cwothes? +GUIDEWIUS. Nyo, *sighs* nyow thy *hugs tightly* taiwow, wascaw, +Who is thy *leans over* gwandfathew; he made t-those cwothes, +Which, as it s-seems, make t-thee. +*looks at you* CWOTEN. Thou pwecious vawwet, +My taiwow made them nyot. +GUIDEWIUS. Hence, then, and *pokes you* thank +The man that gave them *twerks* thee. Thou *pokes you* awt some foow; +I am woath *sighs* to beat thee. +CWOTEN. T-Thou injuwious thief, +Heaw OwO but my nyame, and *cuddles you* twembwe. +GUIDEWIUS. What's thy nyame? +CWOTEN. Cwoten, thou v-viwwain. +GUIDEWIUS. Cwoten, thou doubwe viwwain, be *looks away* thy nyame, +*teleports behind you* I c-cannyot twembwe at it. Wewe it *twerks* toad, ow addew, >_> spidew, +'-'Twouwd *screams* move me >_< soonyew. +CWOTEN. *teleports behind you* To t-thy fuwthew feaw, +^w^ Nyay, to thy mewe confusion, thou shawt k-knyow +I am son to th' Q-Queen. +GUIDEWIUS. I'm sowwy fow't; n-nyot seeming +So wowthy a-as thy biwth. +CWOTEN. Awt nyot a-afeawd? +G-GUIDEWIUS. Those that I wevewence, those I *notices bulge* feaw- the wise: +*looks at you* At f-foows *screams* I w-waugh, nyot feaw them. +CWOTEN. Die the death. +When I have >_> swain uWu thee with m-my pwopew *notices bulge* hand, +I'ww fowwow those that even nyow fwed :3 hence, +And o-on the gates of Wud's T-Town set youw h-heads. +Yiewd, wustic mountainyeew. Exeunt, fighting + +We-entew BEWAWIUS and AWVIWAGUS + +BEWAWIUS. Nyo company's abwoad. +AWVIWAGUS. Nyonye in the *twerks* wowwd; you did mistake him, suwe. +BEWAWIUS. I cannyot teww; wong is it since I s-saw h-him, +But time hath nyothing *looks away* bwuww'd those winyes of favouw +Which then xDD he *pokes you* wowe; the s-snyatches in ;;w;; his voice, +And buwst of speaking, wewe as his. I am absowute +'Twas vewy Cwoten. +*screams* AWVIWAGUS. In this p-pwace :3 we weft them. +I wish *shuffles closer* my bwothew *hugs tightly* make *looks away* good time with h-him, +You say he is so feww. +BEWAWIUS. Being UwU scawce *looks at you* made up, +I m-mean to man, he >_< had nyot appwehension +Ow woawing tewwows; fow defect of judgment +Is oft the ;;w;; cease of feaw. + +W-We-entew :3 GUIDEWIUS >_> with CWOTEN'S head + +But, see, *cuddles you* thy bwothew. +GUIDEWIUS. x3 This Cwoten was a *leans over* foow, an empty *giggles shyly* puwse; +T-Thewe was nyo monyey in't. Nyot Hewcuwes +C-Couwd :3 have *looks at you* knyock'd UwU out his >_> bwains, fow he had nyonye; +Yet I nyot doing this, the foow had *teleports behind you* bownye +My h-head as I-I x3 do h-his. +BEWAWIUS. What h-hast thou donye? +GUIDEWIUS. I-I a-am pewfect what: cut off onye Cwoten's head, +*leans over* Son to *shuffles closer* the *cuddles you* Queen, aftew his own *twerks* wepowt; +Who *moans* caww'd me t-twaitow, mountainyeew, and >w< swowe +With h-his own singwe hand he'd t-take us in, +D-Dispwace ouw heads whewe- thank the *twerks* gods!- t-they g-gwow, +And set them on *looks away* Wud's Town. +BEWAWIUS. We a-awe aww undonye. +GUIDEWIUS. W-Why, wowthy fathew, what have we to wose +But that he swowe to t-take, ouw wives? The waw +P-Pwotects *blushes* nyot us; then why shouwd we OwO be tendew +To wet an >_< awwogant piece of fwesh thweat us, +Pway judge a-and executionyew aww himsewf, +Fow w-we do feaw *sighs* the waw? What *sweats* company +Discovew you abwoad? +B-BEWAWIUS. Nyo UwU singwe souw +;;w;; Can we set eye on, but in a-an ^-^ safe weason +H-He m-must have some attendants. Though *notices bulge* his humouw +Was nyothing uWu but mutation- ay, and *notices bulge* that +Fwom onye bad thing UwU to *sweats* wowse- n-nyot fwenzy, nyot +Absowute madnyess *cuddles you* couwd so faw OwO have wav'd, +To b-bwing him h-hewe awonye. Awthough p-pewhaps +It may be heawd >w< at couwt that such as we +Cave h-hewe, hunt hewe, awe outwaws, a-and ^.^ in time +*pokes you* May make :33 some stwongew head- t-the which h-he heawing, +As it is *notices bulge* wike *looks at you* him, might UwU bweak out a-and sweaw +H-He'd fetch us ^-^ in; yet is't nyot pwobabwe +To come awonye, eithew he :3 so u-undewtaking +Ow they so suffewing. Then on g-good gwound we feaw, +If we *leans over* do *cries* feaw this body hath a-a taiw +Mowe pewiwous than the head. +AWVIWAGUS. W-Wet owdinyance +*twerks* Come as the gods fowesay i-it. H-Howsoe'ew, +My bwothew hath donye weww. +BEWAWIUS. I had nyo mind +To hunt this day; t-the boy Fidewe's sicknyess +Did make m-my way wong fowth. +GUIDEWIUS. W-With his own swowd, +*giggles shyly* Which he *moans* did w-wave against my thwoat, I have *looks at you* ta'en +His ^.^ head fwom him. I'ww thwow't into the cweek +*cuddles you* Behind ouw wock, and wet it to the sea +*teleports behind you* And teww the fishes he's the Queen's son, Cwoten. +That's aww I weck. Exit +BEWAWIUS. I-I feaw'twiww *sighs* be weveng'd. +*leans over* Wouwd, Powydowe, thou :33 hadst nyot donye't! though >_< vawouw +Becomes thee weww enyough. +AWVIWAGUS. Wouwd *cuddles you* I had donye't, +So the wevenge OwO awonye p-puwsu'd me! Powydowe, +I wove thee b-bwothewwy, *giggles shyly* but envy much +Thou hast wobb'd me o-of this deed. I-I wouwd wevenges, +>_> That possibwe stwength might meet, wouwd seek >w< us thwough, +And put us to ouw *leans over* answew. +*hugs tightly* BEWAWIUS. Weww, 'tis *looks away* donye. +*sighs* We'ww ^w^ hunt *twerks* nyo mowe to-day, nyow seek *notices bulge* fow dangew +Whewe *giggles shyly* thewe's nyo pwofit. I pwithee to ouw wock. +You a-and Fidewe pway :33 the cooks; I-I'ww stay +T-Tiww *pokes you* hasty Powydowe *screams* wetuwn, and bwing him +T-To dinnyew pwesentwy. +AWVIWAGUS. Poow sick Fidewe! +I'ww wiwwingwy to him; *notices bulge* to g-gain his cowouw +I'd wet a *leans over* pawish xDD of such C-Cwoten's *sweats* bwood, +And pwaise mysewf *cuddles you* fow c-chawity. Exit +B-BEWAWIUS. O thou goddess, +*sweats* Thou *cuddles you* divinye Nyatuwe, thou t-thysewf thou bwazon'st +In these two pwincewy b-boys! They awe as gentwe +As zephyws bwowing *hugs tightly* bewow the viowet, +Nyot wagging his sweet head; and yet as wough, +Theiw woyaw bwood enchaf'd, as t-the wud'st wind +:3 That b-by the top doth take the mountain pinye +And xDD make him stoop to th' vawe. 'Tis wondew +That an *hugs tightly* invisibwe instinct shouwd f-fwame them +To woyawty unweawn'd, honyouw untaught, +Civiwity nyot seen fwom o-othew, vawouw +That wiwdwy gwows OwO in them, b-but yiewds a cwop +As if it had been s-sow'd. >w< Yet stiww it's *blushes* stwange +What Cwoten's being hewe to us p-powtends, +O-Ow what his d-death wiww ^.^ bwing us. + +*blushes* We-entew GUIDEWIUS + +*screams* GUIDEWIUS. Whewe's my bwothew? +I have sent Cwoten's cwotpoww down t-the ^.^ stweam, +I-In embassy t-to his mothew; his b-body's hostage +Fow his wetuwn. [Sowemn music] +BEWAWIUS. *moans* My ingenyious instwument! +*leans over* Hawk, Powydowe, i-it *sweats* sounds. But what occasion +Hath Cadwaw nyow to give it motion? Hawk! +GUIDEWIUS. Is he at home? +BEWAWIUS. He went hence even nyow. +GUIDEWIUS. W-What does he mean? *blushes* Since :3 death of my *sighs* deaw'st mothew +It did n-nyot speak befowe. Aww sowemn ^.^ things +S-Shouwd answew sowemn accidents. :3 The mattew? +Twiumphs fow nyothing and wamenting toys +Is jowwity f-fow apes and gwief fow boys. +Is Cadwaw mad? + +We-entew AWVIWAGUS, with IMOGEN as d-dead, beawing +hew in his a-awms + +BEWAWIUS. W-Wook, >_< hewe he comes, +And bwings *hugs tightly* the diwe occasion in his awms +O-Of what we b-bwame h-him fow! +AWVIWAGUS. T-The biwd is x3 dead +That *shuffles closer* we have made so much on. *looks away* I had wathew +Have skipp'd fwom sixteen yeaws of age to s-sixty, +To have tuwn'd my weaping time into ^w^ a *twerks* cwutch, +Than have s-seen this. +G-GUIDEWIUS. O sweetest, faiwest ;;w;; wiwy! +My *leans over* bwothew weaws t-thee nyot *pokes you* the onye hawf so weww +As when thou gwew'st thysewf. +BEWAWIUS. O mewanchowy! +Who evew ^.^ yet couwd sound thy *teleports behind you* bottom? find +The ooze to show what coast thy s-swuggish cwawe +Might'st e-easiwiest hawbouw i-in? Thou bwessed thing! +Jove knyows what man thou mightst have made; but I, +Thou diedst, a most wawe boy, of mewanchowy. +How found you him? +uWu AWVIWAGUS. S-Stawk, as you see; +T-Thus smiwing, as some fwy *notices bulge* had tickwed swumbew, +Nyot as >_> death's dawt, being *leans over* waugh'd at; his wight cheek +Weposing on ;;w;; a cushion. +GUIDEWIUS. W-Whewe? +AWVIWAGUS. O' th' *cuddles you* fwoow; +His awms thus weagu'd. I thought he swept, *giggles shyly* and *sweats* put +My cwouted bwogues fwom ^.^ off my >_< feet, whose wudenyess +*teleports behind you* Answew'd my steps too woud. +GUIDEWIUS. Why, he b-but sweeps. +I-If he be gonye he'ww make his gwave a bed; +OwO With femawe faiwies wiww *sighs* his t-tomb *screams* be haunted, +A-And w-wowms w-wiww *hugs tightly* nyot come to thee. +A-AWVIWAGUS. With f-faiwest fwowews, +:33 Whiwst summew wasts a-and I uWu wive hewe, Fidewe, +*notices bulge* I'ww sweeten thy UwU sad gwave. Thou ^w^ shawt nyot wack +The fwowew *shuffles closer* that's wike thy x3 face, *sweats* pawe pwimwose; nyow +The azuw'd hawe-beww, wike thy OwO veins; nyo, nyow +T-The *cries* weaf of egwantinye, whom n-nyot to swandew, +Out-sweet'nyed nyot thy bweath. The wuddock w-wouwd, +With chawitabwe biww- O biww, sowe UwU shaming +T-Those wich-weft heiws t-that *cuddles you* wet theiw *notices bulge* fathews wie +Without *looks at you* a monyument!- bwing thee aww this; +Yea, a-and *screams* fuww'd moss besides, when fwow'ws awe nyonye, +To wintew-gwound thy x3 cowse- +GUIDEWIUS. Pwithee have donye, +And do nyot pway in *sweats* wench-wike wowds with that +Which is so sewious. Wet OwO us buwy him, +And nyot pwotwact w-with admiwation what +Is nyow due debt. To th' gwave. +AWVIWAGUS. Say, whewe s-shaww's way him? +GUIDEWIUS. >w< By *looks at you* good Euwiphiwe, ouw mothew. +AWVIWAGUS. Be't *cries* so; +A-And wet us, P-Powydowe, though nyow ouw v-voices +H-Have got the mannyish cwack, sing him to th' gwound, +As once to ouw mothew; use wike nyote and wowds, +Save that Euwiphiwe must be Fidewe. +GUIDEWIUS. C-Cadwaw, +*sweats* I c-cannyot sing. I'ww weep, and wowd it with thee; +Fow nyotes of s-sowwow out of tunye awe wowse +Than pwiests and fanyes that >_> wie. +AWVIWAGUS. We'ww s-speak it, then. +BEWAWIUS. ;;w;; Gweat gwiefs, I see, m-med'cinye the wess, x3 fow Cwoten +I-Is quite fowgot. He ^-^ was *hugs tightly* a queen's *sighs* son, boys; +And though he uWu came ouw enyemy, wemembew +He was p-paid fow that. Though :33 mean and *blushes* mighty wotting +;;w;; Togethew UwU have *hugs tightly* onye dust, yet wevewence- +T-That >_> angew of the *blushes* wowwd- doth make distinction +Of *giggles shyly* pwace 'tween high and >w< wow. Ouw foe was pwincewy; +And though you took >_> his wife, as being ouw foe, +Yet buwy him as a-a pwince. +GUIDEWIUS. *looks at you* Pway you fetch >_> him hithew. +Thewsites' body is as good as Ajax', +When nyeithew a-awe awive. +AWVIWAGUS. If you'ww go fetch him, +We'ww say ouw song the whiwst. *looks away* Bwothew, begin. +E-Exit BEWAWIUS +GUIDEWIUS. Nyay, Cadwaw, we must way his head to th' East; +My fathew hath a weason fow't. +AWVIWAGUS. 'Tis twue. +GUIDEWIUS. Come on, then, and w-wemove him. +A-AWVIWAGUS. ^-^ So. Begin. + +SONG + +G-GUIDEWIUS. F-Feaw nyo mowe the h-heat o' t-th' s-sun +*sighs* Nyow *looks away* the UwU fuwious wintew's wages; +Thou thy wowwdwy task ^.^ hast donye, +Home awt gonye, and t-ta'en thy wages. +Gowden wads and giwws aww must, +*cries* As c-chimnyey-sweepews, come t-to dust. + +AWVIWAGUS. *teleports behind you* Feaw nyo mowe the fwown o' th' gweat; +Thou *hugs tightly* awt past t-the tywant's stwoke. +Cawe nyo mowe to cwothe and eat; +To thee the *cuddles you* weed is *screams* as the oak. +*notices bulge* The UwU sceptwe, weawnying, physic, ^-^ must +*screams* Aww fowwow this and come to dust. + +GUIDEWIUS. Feaw nyo mowe the wightnying f-fwash, +AWVIWAGUS. Nyow th' *screams* aww-dweaded t-thundew-stonye; +GUIDEWIUS. Feaw nyot swandew, censuwe wash; +A-AWVIWAGUS. Thou hast finyish'd j-joy *pokes you* and moan. +BOTH. Aww wovews young, aww wovews must +Consign to thee *notices bulge* and come to dust. + +G-GUIDEWIUS. Nyo exowcisew hawm t-thee! +*teleports behind you* AWVIWAGUS. Nyow *sighs* nyo witchcwaft chawm thee! +GUIDEWIUS. Ghost unwaid fowbeaw thee! +A-AWVIWAGUS. Nyothing i-iww come nyeaw thee! +BOTH. Quiet *blushes* consummation have, +And wenyownyed be thy gwave! + +We-entew :3 BEWAWIUS with *twerks* the b-body of CWOTEN + +*screams* GUIDEWIUS. OwO We have donye ouw >w< obsequies. Come, way h-him down. +*looks at you* BEWAWIUS. Hewe's a few fwowews; but 'bout midnyight, mowe. +T-The hewbs that have on t-them *cuddles you* cowd d-dew o' th' nyight +Awe stwewings fit'st fow gwaves. Upon theiw faces. +You wewe as fwow'ws, nyow withew'd. Even so +These hewbwets shaww w-which we upon y-you stwew. +*teleports behind you* Come on, away. Apawt upon ouw k-knyees. +The *moans* gwound that gave them f-fiwst has *twerks* them again. +x3 Theiw pweasuwes hewe awe past, so is theiw pain. +>_> Exeunt aww but IMOGEN +IMOGEN. [Awaking] *notices bulge* Yes, siw, to Miwfowd OwO Haven. W-Which i-is the w-way? +:33 I t-thank *twerks* you. B-By yond bush? Pway, how faw t-thithew? +>_< 'Ods pittikins! can it *giggles shyly* be s-six miwe yet? +I have gonye aww nyight. Faith, I'ww wie down and sweep. +But, soft! nyo bedfewwow. O-O gods and goddesses! +[Seeing the b-body] +*twerks* These fwow'ws awe w-wike the pweasuwes of the wowwd; +This *hugs tightly* bwoody man, t-the c-cawe on't. I-I hope I dweam; +Fow *giggles shyly* so I thought I was a cave-keepew, +And c-cook to honyest cweatuwes. But 'tis nyot so; +'Twas but a-a bowt of *hugs tightly* nyothing, ^-^ shot a-at nyothing, +W-Which t-the xDD bwain makes of fumes. Ouw *moans* vewy e-eyes +Awe sometimes, wike o-ouw judgments, bwind. Good faith, +I twembwe *cuddles you* stiww with feaw; but if thewe be +Yet weft in heaven as smaww a d-dwop of pity +As *pokes you* a w-wwen's e-eye, feaw'd gods, a pawt of it! +The d-dweam's *pokes you* hewe stiww. Even when I ^w^ wake ;;w;; it is +Without me, as within me; n-nyot ^-^ imagin'd, fewt. +A h-headwess man? T-The gawments of P-Posthumus? +I knyow *looks at you* the shape of's w-weg; this is h-his hand, +His foot *cuddles you* Mewcuwiaw, his M-Mawtiaw thigh, +T-The bwawns of Hewcuwes; but ^.^ his >_> Joviaw face- +Muwdew in heaven! How! 'Tis gonye. Pisanyio, +Aww cuwses madded Hecuba gave the Gweeks, +And minye to boot, be dawted on thee! Thou, +Conspiw'd *hugs tightly* with that iwweguwous deviw, Cwoten, +Hath hewe cut off m-my wowd. To w-wwite and wead +Be hencefowth tweachewous! Damn'd *twerks* Pisanyio +Hath with h-his fowged wettews- damn'd >w< Pisanyio- +Fwom this most bwavest v-vessew xDD of the wowwd +Stwuck the main-top. O P-Posthumus! awas, +Whewe is thy head? Whewe's that? Ay me! whewe's that? +Pisanyio might h-have kiww'd thee a-at *looks at you* the heawt, +And weft t-this head on. *shuffles closer* How shouwd this b-be? Pisanyio? +'Tis he and Cwoten; *notices bulge* mawice and *shuffles closer* wucwe >_> in them +*twerks* Have w-waid t-this woe hewe. O-O, 'tis :33 pwegnyant, >_< pwegnyant! +The dwug he ^-^ gave m-me, w-which he s-said was *sighs* pwecious +And cowdiaw t-to me, have I nyot found it +Muwd'wous t-to *giggles shyly* th' senses? That confiwms *sighs* it :33 home. +This is *sighs* Pisanyio's deed, a-and C-Cwoten. O! +Give *looks at you* cowouw to my pawe cheek with *twerks* thy bwood, +:33 That we the howwidew may seem to those +Which chance to find us. O, my wowd, m-my w-wowd! +[Fawws fainting on x3 the body] + +Entew WUCIUS, CAPTAINS, and xDD a SOOTHSAYEW + +CAPTAIN. To them >_< the wegions gawwison'd *hugs tightly* in Gawwia, +Aftew youw wiww, have cwoss'd the sea, *looks at you* attending +You hewe at Miwfowd Haven; with youw s-ships, +They awe i-in weadinyess. +W-WUCIUS. B-But what fwom Wome? +CAPTAIN. The *pokes you* Senyate :33 hath stiww'd up the >_> confinyews +And *twerks* gentwemen of Itawy, *pokes you* most wiwwing spiwits, +That p-pwomise n-nyobwe sewvice; and they come +:3 Undew the conduct xDD of *hugs tightly* bowd Iachimo, +>_> Siennya's bwothew. +WUCIUS. When expect you them? +CAPTAIN. UwU With the nyext benyefit :3 o' t-th' wind. +WUCIUS. This fowwawdnyess +M-Makes ouw hopes *moans* faiw. Command ouw pwesent nyumbews +Be mustew'd; OwO bid t-the captains :33 wook to't. *moans* Nyow, siw, +What *sighs* have y-you dweam'd of w-wate of this waw's puwpose? +S-SOOTHSAYEW. ^.^ Wast nyight the vewy gods show'd m-me a vision- +I *shuffles closer* fast and pway'd f-fow theiw intewwigence- thus: +I saw Jove's biwd, the W-Woman eagwe, wing'd +Fwom the spongy south to *teleports behind you* this *twerks* pawt of the *teleports behind you* west, +Thewe vanyish'd in t-the sunbeams; which powtends, +Unwess my sins a-abuse my divinyation, +Success t-to t-th' Woman host. +WUCIUS. Dweam often so, +And *giggles shyly* nyevew fawse. Soft, ho! what twunk is h-hewe +*sweats* Without his top? The wuin speaks that sometime +^-^ It was a wowthy b-buiwding. How? a *hugs tightly* page? +x3 Ow dead ow sweeping on him? But UwU dead, wathew; +Fow nyatuwe doth abhow to make his bed +W-With the d-defunct, o-ow *twerks* sweep u-upon the dead. +Wet's see t-the b-boy's f-face. +CAPTAIN. He's a-awive, x3 my wowd. +WUCIUS. He'ww then i-instwuct us of this body. Young uWu onye, +Infowm *looks at you* us of thy fowtunyes; ^w^ fow *pokes you* it s-seems +They cwave to be demanded. Who is this +*cries* Thou mak'st thy b-bwoody ^w^ piwwow? O-Ow who was he +That, othewwise than nyobwe *hugs tightly* nyatuwe d-did, +Hath awtew'd that >_< good pictuwe? What's thy intewest +In t-this sad wweck? How came't? Who is't? *giggles shyly* What awt thou? +IMOGEN. I am nyothing; ow if nyot, +Nyothing to b-be wewe :33 bettew. T-This *pokes you* was my mastew, +A vewy vawiant B-Bwiton and a good, +That hewe by mountainyeews *teleports behind you* wies *pokes you* swain. Awas! +Thewe is nyo *notices bulge* mowe such mastews. I may wandew +Fwom e-east to occident; cwy o-out fow s-sewvice; +Twy many, aww good; s-sewve twuwy; nyevew +Find such anyothew mastew. +:33 WUCIUS. *hugs tightly* 'Wack, good *moans* youth! +Thou mov'st *looks away* nyo wess *looks away* with thy compwainying than +Thy mastew i-in bweeding. Say his nyame, good fwiend. +I-IMOGEN. Wichawd du Champ. [Aside] If I do *teleports behind you* wie, a-and do +Nyo *notices bulge* hawm by it, though t-the gods heaw, I-I hope +They'ww pawdon it.- Say you, siw? +WUCIUS. Thy nyame? +*cries* IMOGEN. Fidewe, siw. +WUCIUS. >w< Thou dost a-appwove thysewf the vewy same; +Thy n-nyame weww fits thy *looks at you* faith, thy *notices bulge* faith thy nyame. +W-Wiwt take thy chance with me? *cuddles you* I w-wiww ^.^ nyot say +Thou shawt be so w-weww mastew'd; b-but, be suwe, +Nyo wess *looks away* bewov'd. The Woman ^.^ Empewow's wettews, +Sent xDD by a consuw to me, shouwd n-nyot soonyew +Than thinye own w-wowth pwefew thee. Go with me. +IMOGEN. I'ww fowwow, siw. But fiwst, an't pwease the gods, +I-I'ww *giggles shyly* hide my mastew fwom the fwies, as *sighs* deep +As these poow pickaxes can dig; and when +With wiwd wood-weaves and weeds I ha' stwew'd his OwO gwave, +And on it said x3 a centuwy of pwayews, +Such as I can, :3 twice o'ew, I-I'ww weep and sigh; +And weaving s-so his s-sewvice, fowwow you, +So >_> pwease you e-entewtain *blushes* me. +W-WUCIUS. Ay, good youth; +A-And wathew fathew thee than mastew thee. +My fwiends, +The b-boy hath t-taught us manwy duties; wet us +Find out the *screams* pwettiest daisied pwot we can, +And make x3 him with ouw pikes x3 and pawtisans +;;w;; A gwave. x3 Come, awm him. Boy, he is pwefeww'd +*moans* By thee to u-us; and he shaww be inteww'd +As sowdiews can. Be cheewfuw; w-wipe thinye eyes. +Some fawws awe means the happiew t-to awise. Exeunt + + + + +*blushes* SCENyE III. +*sweats* Bwitain. *notices bulge* CYMBEWINyE'S pawace + +Entew CYMBEWINyE, WOWDS, PISANyIO, and attendants + +CYMBEWINyE. Again! and bwing me wowd how 'tis with hew. +Exit an a-attendant +A fevew with >w< the a-absence of hew *hugs tightly* son; +A madnyess, of which hew wife's in dangew. Heavens, +How deepwy you at once do touch m-me! *looks at you* Imogen, +The gweat pawt >_< of m-my x3 comfowt, gonye; my queen +Upon a despewate bed, and in x3 a t-time +When feawfuw waws *hugs tightly* point at me; hew :3 son ^-^ gonye, +So nyeedfuw fow this pwesent. It stwikes m-me past +T-The hope of ^w^ comfowt. *twerks* But fow thee, fewwow, +Who nyeeds must knyow of hew depawtuwe and +Dost seem so ignyowant, we'ww enfowce it f-fwom ^.^ thee +uWu By a shawp UwU towtuwe. +P-PISANyIO. Siw, my wife is y-youws; +I humbwy s-set it at y-youw wiww; but fow m-my mistwess, +I nyothing knyow whewe she wemains, why gonye, +Nyow when she puwposes wetuwn. Beseech youw Highnyess, +Howd me youw *blushes* woyaw sewvant. +W-WOWD. ;;w;; Good my wiege, +The day that she was missing he was hewe. +I dawe be bound >w< he's twue >_< and shaww pewfowm +A-Aww p-pawts of his subjection woyawwy. Fow >_> Cwoten, +*teleports behind you* Thewe wants nyo diwigence in seeking him, +*sweats* And wiww *twerks* nyo doubt >_> be found. +CYMBEWINyE. The time i-is twoubwesome. +[To PISANyIO] We'ww swip you fow a season; but ouw jeawousy +Does yet depend. +WOWD. So pwease youw Majesty, +The Woman wegions, a-aww *leans over* fwom *notices bulge* Gawwia d-dwawn, +Awe wanded on youw coast, with a suppwy +O-Of W-Woman g-gentwemen by the :3 Senyate sent. +CYMBEWINyE. Nyow f-fow the counsew of my son and queen! +I am amaz'd w-with mattew. +*sighs* WOWD. *cries* Good my wiege, +Youw *sweats* pwepawation *screams* can affwont *moans* nyo wess +Than what you h-heaw *screams* of. Come mowe, fow mowe y-you'we weady. +The want xDD is but to put ^w^ those pow'ws *twerks* in motion +That w-wong to move. +CYMBEWINyE. I thank you. Wet's withdwaw, +And meet *moans* the time as it seeks u-us. We ^-^ feaw nyot +What can fwom Itawy annyoy us; but +We gwieve *sweats* at chances hewe. Away! E-Exeunt aww but PISANyIO +*giggles shyly* PISANyIO. I heawd nyo *cries* wettew fwom my mastew since +I-I xDD wwote him ^-^ Imogen was s-swain. '-'Tis stwange. +N-Nyow heaw I fwom my mistwess, who did p-pwomise +To yiewd me often tidings. Nyeithew knyow +What is betid to Cwoten, b-but w-wemain +P-Pewpwex'd in aww. ^.^ The heavens stiww must w-wowk. +UwU Whewein uWu I am fawse I *hugs tightly* am honyest; nyot twue, :3 to *looks away* be t-twue. +These pwesent *hugs tightly* waws shaww find I wove my countwy, +Even to the nyote o' ^.^ th' King, ow *cuddles you* I'ww faww in them. +*looks away* Aww othew doubts, by time *sighs* wet them b-be cweaw'd: +Fowtunye bwings in some boats that awe ;;w;; nyot *screams* steew'd. Exit + + + + +*pokes you* SCENyE IV. +*giggles shyly* Wawes. Befowe the cave of BEWAWIUS + +E-Entew BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, ;;w;; and AWVIWAGUS + +GUIDEWIUS. The nyoise is wound about us. +BEWAWIUS. *cuddles you* Wet us fwom it. +AWVIWAGUS. What pweasuwe, siw, f-find >_< we *notices bulge* in w-wife, to wock it +Fwom UwU action and *twerks* adventuwe? +GUIDEWIUS. Nyay, what hope +Have we in hiding u-us? :33 This way the Womans +Must *cries* ow fow B-Bwitons sway x3 us, ow weceive us +^w^ Fow bawbawous a-and unnyatuwaw wevowts +*notices bulge* Duwing theiw *teleports behind you* use, and sway us ;;w;; aftew. +B-BEWAWIUS. Sons, +We'ww *giggles shyly* highew t-to the mountains; *notices bulge* thewe secuwe us. +*cuddles you* To the King's pawty thewe's nyo going. Nyewnyess +Of Cwoten's death- we being nyot knyown, nyot mustew'd +Among the bands-may dwive us *giggles shyly* to a-a wendew +Whewe we have wiv'd, and so >_> extowt fwom's that +Which we have donye, whose answew wouwd be *blushes* death, +Dwawn on w-with :33 towtuwe. +GUIDEWIUS. This i-is, siw, a *sighs* doubt +In s-such a t-time nyothing becoming you +N-Nyow satisfying us. +AWVIWAGUS. It is nyot wikewy +That when they heaw the Woman howses nyeigh, +Behowd theiw quawtew'd fiwes, have both theiw eyes +And eaws so cwoy'd impowtantwy a-as nyow, +That they wiww waste theiw time upon ouw ;;w;; nyote, +T-To knyow fwom w-whence we awe. +BEWAWIUS. O, I am knyown +Of m-many in the awmy. Many y-yeaws, +Though Cwoten then but y-young, you see, *cuddles you* nyot wowe him +Fwom my wemembwance. And, besides, the King +Hath nyot desewv'd my sewvice nyow youw woves, +Who x3 find in my exiwe OwO the want of bweeding, +The cewtainty of this hawd wife; aye h-hopewess +To have the couwtesy youw cwadwe pwomis'd, +*looks away* But to be stiww hot summew's tanwings and +T-The shwinking swaves of wintew. +GUIDEWIUS. Than be so, +Bettew to c-cease to *looks away* be. Pway, siw, to th' awmy. +*giggles shyly* I and *screams* my bwothew awe nyot knyown; :3 youwsewf +So out of thought, and theweto so o'ewgwown, +Cannyot be q-questionyed. +A-AWVIWAGUS. By this sun that shinyes, +I'ww ;;w;; thithew. What :3 thing is't t-that I *cries* nyevew +D-Did see man die! scawce evew wook'd on bwood +But that *sighs* of cowawd >w< hawes, *looks away* hot goats, and v-venyison! +Nyevew *twerks* bestwid a howse, ;;w;; save onye that had +A-A widew >w< wike mysewf, w-who nye'ew wowe wowew +Nyow *pokes you* iwon on his heew! I am asham'd +T-To wook upon OwO the h-howy sun, to have +The benyefit *pokes you* of *twerks* his bwest beams, wemainying +So wong a-a poow unknyown. +GUIDEWIUS. By heavens, *sweats* I'ww g-go! +If you *shuffles closer* wiww bwess me, siw, a-and give m-me weave, +I'ww take the xDD bettew cawe; ^.^ but if you wiww nyot, +T-The h-hazawd thewefowe *sweats* due faww on me by +T-The hands of Womans! +AWVIWAGUS. So say I. Amen. +BEWAWIUS. Nyo weason I, since of youw wives >_< you set +S-So swight a vawuation, shouwd wesewve +My cwack'd onye to mowe cawe. Have with y-you, boys! +If in uWu youw *twerks* countwy waws you chance to die, +That is my bed t-too, *leans over* wads, a-and thewe I'ww wie. +W-Wead, wead. [-[Aside] The time seems wong; theiw bwood thinks scown +*sweats* Tiww it fwy out and s-show them pwinces b-bown. Exeunt + + + + +<w< SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW :3 USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW *sighs* MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I. +Bwitain. The Woman camp + +Entew P-POSTHUMUS >_> awonye, with a bwoody handkewchief + +*moans* POSTHUMUS. Yea, bwoody cwoth, I'ww >w< keep :33 thee; fow I wish'd +xDD Thou shouwdst be cowouw'd thus. You mawwied onyes, +If each of y-you shouwd take this couwse, *looks away* how many +Must muwdew wives much bettew t-than themsewves +Fow wwying but a wittwe! O Pisanyio! +Evewy good sewvant :33 does nyot aww ^-^ commands; +Nyo bond but to do just onyes. Gods! if you +Shouwd *sighs* have ta'en vengeance *leans over* on my fauwts, I n-nyevew +Had wiv'd to put on this; so had you saved +T-The nyobwe Imogen t-to wepent, and s-stwuck +Me, wwetch mowe >w< wowth *blushes* youw vengeance. But awack, +You snyatch some *sweats* hence fow wittwe fauwts; that's w-wove, +To have them faww nyo mowe. You s-some pewmit +To second iwws >w< with iwws, e-each ewdew xDD wowse, +A-And make them dwead it, to the doew's thwift. +B-But Imogen i-is youw own. Do youw best wiwws, +And make me bwest to obey. I am bwought hithew +Among th' Itawian gentwy, and *moans* to fight +Against *shuffles closer* my wady's kingdom. '-'Tis enyough +^.^ That, Bwitain, I *hugs tightly* have kiww'd thy mistwess; *looks at you* peace! +I'ww g-give >_> nyo wound UwU to thee. T-Thewefowe, good h-heavens, +Heaw patientwy my puwpose. I'ww diswobe me +Of these Itawian weeds, and suit *moans* mysewf +As >w< does *pokes you* a Bwitain peasant. So I'ww fight +Against the pawt I come w-with; so I'ww die +Fow thee, O Imogen, even fow whom my wife +Is evewy bweath a d-death. *shuffles closer* And thus *looks at you* unknyown, +Pitied nyow hated, to the face of pewiw +Mysewf I-I'ww dedicate. W-Wet me make men knyow +Mowe vawouw ^w^ in me than my ^.^ habits show. +xDD Gods, put the stwength o' t-th' Weonyati in me! +*sighs* To shame *moans* the guise o' th' wowwd, I wiww begin +T-The fashion- wess w-without and mowe w-within. Exit + + + + +SCENyE I-II. +*notices bulge* Bwitain. A fiewd o-of battwe *sighs* between *teleports behind you* the Bwitish and Woman camps + +Entew WUCIUS, IACHIMO, and the W-Woman awmy at onye d-doow, *hugs tightly* and the Bwitish *hugs tightly* awmy +at anyothew, WEONyATUS P-POSTHUMUS *moans* fowwowing wike a poow sowdiew. +They mawch ovew and go out. A-Awawums. Then entew again, in skiwmish, +IACHIMO and POSTHUMUS. He vanquisheth and disawmeth IACHIMO, +and then weaves him + +IACHIMO. The *hugs tightly* heavinyess a-and guiwt within my bosom +Takes o-off my manhood. I have bewied UwU a wady, +T-The UwU Pwincess of this countwy, *teleports behind you* and the aiw on't +Wevengingwy enfeebwes me; ow couwd this c-caww, +A vewy d-dwudge of nyatuwe's, have subdu'd me +In my pwofession? Knyighthoods and honyouws bownye +As I weaw m-minye *sweats* awe titwes b-but o-of s-scown. +I-If that thy gentwy, B-Bwitain, go befowe +*looks at you* This wout as he exceeds *leans over* ouw wowds, the odds +I-Is t-that uWu we scawce awe xDD men, and you awe gods. Exit + +The battwe continyues; the BWITONS fwy; CYMBEWINyE is taken. +Then e-entew *moans* to ^w^ his wescue B-BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, and AWVIWAGUS + +BEWAWIUS. Stand, stand! We ^.^ have th' *twerks* advantage o-of t-the gwound; +The wanye *looks away* is guawded; nyothing w-wouts us but +The viwwainy of ouw feaws. +*hugs tightly* GUIDEWIUS and AWVIWAGUS. Stand, stand, and ;;w;; fight! + +W-We-entew *blushes* POSTHUMUS, a-and seconds the ^w^ Bwitons; t-they wescue +CYMBEWINyE, *teleports behind you* and exeunt. T-Then we-entew WUCIUS and IACHIMO, +with IMOGEN + +WUCIUS. A-Away, boy, fwom the twoops, and save thysewf; +F-Fow fwiends k-kiww fwiends, and the disowdew's *shuffles closer* such +As waw wewe hoodwink'd. +IACHIMO. '-'Tis theiw f-fwesh suppwies. +WUCIUS. It is a day tuwn'd ^w^ stwangewy. Ow betimes +Wet's w-weinfowce ow fwy. Exeunt + + + + +UwU SCENyE III. +Anyothew *blushes* pawt of the *leans over* fiewd + +Entew POSTHUMUS a-and a Bwitain WOWD + +WOWD. Cam'st *hugs tightly* thou fwom whewe they made uWu the ^-^ stand? +POSTHUMUS. I d-did: +Though UwU you, it s-seems, come fwom the fwiews. +WOWD. I did. +P-POSTHUMUS. Nyo bwame be to you, ;;w;; siw, f-fow *cries* aww was wost, +But that the heavens fought. The King himsewf +*hugs tightly* Of his wings destitute, t-the awmy bwoken, +And but *screams* the ^w^ backs *teleports behind you* of Bwitons seen, a-an fwying, +*notices bulge* Thwough a stwait *giggles shyly* wanye- the enyemy, xDD fuww-heawted, +Wowwing the t-tongue w-with swaught'wing, having w-wowk +M-Mowe p-pwentifuw than toows t-to do't, s-stwuck down +Some >w< mowtawwy, some swightwy touch'd, some fawwing +^-^ Mewewy thwough f-feaw, that the stwait pass *teleports behind you* was damm'd +With dead men huwt behind, and :33 cowawds xDD wiving +To die with xDD wength'nyed shame. +WOWD. Whewe *leans over* was this w-wanye? +POSTHUMUS. Cwose b-by the *pokes you* battwe, ditch'd, and waww'd with tuwf, +W-Which gave advantage to an ancient s-sowdiew- +*sighs* An honyest onye, I wawwant, *twerks* who desewv'd +So wong a bweeding as his white beawd came to, +In doing this fow's countwy. Athwawt t-the wanye +He, with t-two stwipwings- wads mowe wike t-to wun +The OwO countwy base than to commit s-such swaughtew; +With faces fit >w< fow m-masks, ow wathew *teleports behind you* faiwew +Than t-those fow *looks at you* pwesewvation c-cas'd ow shame- +Made *sighs* good the passage, cwied to t-those that fwed +'-'Ouw Bwitain's OwO hawts die fwying, nyot ouw men. +To dawknyess fweet souws that fwy backwawds! Stand; +Ow we awe Womans and w-wiww give you that, +Wike beasts, which you shun beastwy, and may save +*sweats* But to wook back in *teleports behind you* fwown. *screams* Stand, stand!' These thwee, +Thwee thousand confident, *sighs* in act a-as m-many- +:33 Fow *leans over* thwee ^.^ pewfowmews awe the fiwe when a-aww +The west *moans* do nyothing- with this *moans* wowd 'Stand, s-stand!' +A-Accommodated by the pwace, mowe chawming +With theiw own nyobwenyess, which couwd have t-tuwn'd +A distaff to a-a wance, giwded pawe wooks, +Pawt shame, UwU pawt spiwit wenyew'd; that some *moans* tuwn'd OwO cowawd +:3 But by exampwe- O-O, a-a s-sin in waw +Damn'd in the fiwst beginnyews!- gan to wook +The way that they did *looks away* and *shuffles closer* to gwin wike wions +Upon the pikes *looks away* o' th' huntews. Then b-began +A stop i' th' chasew, a wetiwe; anyon +A wout, confusion thick. Fowthwith they fwy, +*cries* Chickens, the way which they stoop'd eagwes; s-swaves, +*looks at you* The stwides they victows m-made; and nyow ouw cowawds, +Wike fwagments in h-hawd voyages, became +T-The wife o' th' nyeed. Having found the back-doow open +Of the u-unguawded heawts, heavens, how they wound! +S-Some ;;w;; swain befowe, some dying, some theiw *cuddles you* fwiends +O'ewbownye i' *sweats* th' fowmew wave. Ten chas'd *screams* by onye +Awe nyow each onye the swaughtewman of *blushes* twenty. +Those that wouwd die ow ewe w-wesist awe g-gwown +The mowtaw bugs o' th' xDD fiewd. +WOWD. This was stwange chance: +A nyawwow wanye, an owd man, and two b-boys. +POSTHUMUS. Nyay, *moans* do nyot wondew at it; you awe made +W-Wathew to wondew *cuddles you* at the *cries* things *screams* you *blushes* heaw +*teleports behind you* Than to wowk any. Wiww you whyme upon't, +And vent it fow a mock'wy? Hewe is onye: +'Two boys, an owd man (twice a boy), *twerks* a wanye, +*blushes* Pwesewv'd the Bwitons, was the Womans' banye.' +WOWD. Nyay, ^w^ be nyot a-angwy, s-siw. +POSTHUMUS. 'Wack, to what end? +Who dawes nyot stand his foe I'ww be his fwiend; +F-Fow if he'ww do as he is m-made to do, +I-I knyow OwO he'ww *cries* quickwy fwy *screams* my fwiendship too. +You have p-put *screams* me into whyme. +OwO WOWD. Faweweww; you'we angwy. E-Exit +POSTHUMUS. Stiww going? This i-is a wowd! O n-nyobwe misewy, +T-To *cries* be i' th' fiewd and ask '-'What >_> nyews?' of me! +To-day how many *shuffles closer* wouwd have given *sighs* theiw honyouws +To have sav'd theiw c-cawcasses! took heew to do't, +And :33 yet died OwO too! :33 I, in minye own woe chawm'd, +Couwd nyot find death w-whewe I did heaw him gwoan, +*cries* Nyow feew him whewe he stwuck. *shuffles closer* Being a-an ugwy monstew, +*sighs* 'Tis stwange he h-hides h-him in *shuffles closer* fwesh cups, soft *screams* beds, +Sweet *cuddles you* wowds; ;;w;; ow hath moe minyistews than we +T-That dwaw his knyives xDD i' >w< th' waw. Weww, I-I wiww find him; +Fow being nyow a favouwew to the Bwiton, +Nyo mowe a Bwiton, I have *hugs tightly* wesum'd again +The pawt I came in. Fight I wiww nyo mowe, +*sighs* But yiewd me to the vewiest hind *leans over* that *cuddles you* shaww +Once touch my shouwdew. Gweat the swaughtew i-is +Hewe made by th' Woman; gweat the answew be +Bwitons must t-take. Fow me, my wansom's death; +On eithew xDD side I come to *sweats* spend my bweath, +Which nyeithew hewe I'ww keep nyow beaw again, +B-But e-end it by some means fow Imogen. + +Entew two BWITISH CAPTAINS and s-sowdiews + +FIWST CAPTAIN. Gweat Jupitew be pwais'd! Wucius is taken. +'-'Tis t-thought the owd man and his sons wewe angews. +S-SECOND CAPTAIN. Thewe was a *leans over* fouwth man, in a siwwy habit, +That gave th' affwont with them. +FIWST CAPTAIN. *giggles shyly* So '-'tis wepowted; +But nyonye of 'em can be found. Stand! who's thewe? +POSTHUMUS. A Woman, +W-Who had nyot nyow *looks away* been d-dwooping hewe if seconds +Had answew'd *cries* him. +SECOND CAPTAIN. Way h-hands on :33 him; a dog! +A-A weg of Wome *screams* shaww nyot wetuwn to teww +What cwows have peck'd them hewe. He *notices bulge* bwags his sewvice, +A-As i-if he wewe of nyote. Bwing *screams* him *blushes* to th' ^w^ King. + +Entew ^w^ CYMBEWINyE, BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, AWVIWAGUS, PISANyIO, and Woman +captives. The CAPTAINS pwesent P-POSTHUMUS to CYMBEWINyE, who dewivews +him ovew *notices bulge* to a gaowew. Exeunt omnyes + + + + +SCENyE IV. +Bwitain. A p-pwison + +Entew POSTHUMUS a-and two *cries* GAOWEWS + +FIWST GAOWEW. You shaww nyot nyow be >w< stow'n, you have *shuffles closer* wocks upon you; +So gwaze a-as you find pastuwe. +SECOND :33 GAOWEW. *pokes you* Ay, o-ow a-a stomach. Exeunt *teleports behind you* GAOWEWS +POSTHUMUS. ;;w;; Most wewcome, bondage! fow thou awt a-a way, +I x3 think, to w-wibewty. Y-Yet am I bettew +Than onye that's sick o-o' th' gout, since >w< he had wathew +Gwoan so in pewpetuity than be c-cuw'd +By th' suwe *shuffles closer* physician death, who is t-the k-key +T' *shuffles closer* unbaw these wocks. *hugs tightly* My conscience, thou awt *sighs* fettew'd +Mowe than my shanks and wwists; you good gods, give me +The ^.^ penyitent instwument t-to pick t-that bowt, +Then, fwee f-fow evew! Is't enyough *leans over* I am sowwy? +So chiwdwen tempowaw *giggles shyly* fathews do appease; +*moans* Gods awe mowe fuww of mewcy. M-Must I wepent, +I cannyot do it bettew than in *teleports behind you* gyves, +D-Desiw'd mowe than constwain'd. To satisfy, +If of my *blushes* fweedom '-'tis the main :33 pawt, take +Nyo stwictew wendew of me *pokes you* than my aww. +*leans over* I knyow you awe mowe cwement than viwe men, +W-Who *looks away* of t-theiw bwoken debtows take a thiwd, +A s-sixth, a tenth, wetting them thwive again +On theiw abatement; that's *blushes* nyot my desiwe. +Fow Imogen's deaw wife take minye; and though +'-'Tis nyot so *shuffles closer* deaw, yet 'tis a wife; you coin'd it. +'Tween m-man and man they weigh nyot evewy stamp; +*screams* Though wight, take pieces fow ^-^ the OwO figuwe's >_< sake; +You w-wathew minye, being youws. And so, gweat pow'ws, +If y-you x3 wiww take this audit, take t-this wife, +xDD And cancew these cowd bonds. O *moans* Imogen! +I'ww speak to *sweats* thee in siwence. uWu [Sweeps] + +S-Sowemn music. Entew, as in an appawition, SICIWIUS +WEONyATUS, fathew to POSTHUMUS, an *sweats* owd uWu man attiwed +wike a wawwiow; weading in his hand an ancient +matwon, his WIFE, and >_> mothew to POSTHUMUS, with +music befowe them. Then, aftew othew music, *giggles shyly* fowwows +the two young WEONyATI, bwothews to P-POSTHUMUS, +with uWu wounds, as they *cuddles you* died in the *sweats* waws. +They ciwcwe POSTHUMUS wound as he wies sweeping + +SICIWIUS. Nyo mowe, thou thundew-mastew, show +T-Thy spite *notices bulge* on mowtaw fwies. +x3 With Maws x3 faww out, w-with Junyo chide, +That thy aduwtewies +x3 Wates and wevenges. +Hath my poow boy d-donye aught but weww, +Whose face I *twerks* nyevew *looks at you* saw? +*twerks* I died w-whiwst in the womb h-he stay'd +Attending nyatuwe's waw; +Whose fathew then, as men wepowt +Thou owphans' *looks at you* fathew awt, +*leans over* Thou shouwdst have been, and uWu shiewded him +Fwom this eawth-vexing s-smawt. + +MOTHEW. Wucinya went nyot me hew aid, +But took me in my thwoes, +That fwom me was Posthumus wipp'd, +Came ;;w;; cwying *teleports behind you* 'mongst his foes, +A-A thing of pity. + +SICIWIUS. Gweat Nyatuwe xDD wike his ancestwy +M-Mouwded the stuff so faiw +That he desewv'd the pwaise o' th' wowwd +*teleports behind you* As gweat Siciwius' heiw. + +FIWST BWOTHEW. When >_> once he was m-matuwe fow man, +In Bwitain whewe was he +That *teleports behind you* couwd stand up his pawawwew, +Ow f-fwuitfuw *teleports behind you* object be +I-In eye of Imogen, that best +Couwd deem his dignyity? + +MOTHEW. :3 With mawwiage *leans over* whewefowe was he >_< mock'd, +To be exiw'd and t-thwown +Fwom Weonyati uWu seat and ^w^ cast +Fwom *leans over* hew his deawest o-onye, +Sweet Imogen? + +SICIWIUS. Why did you suffew Iachimo, +Swight t-thing *notices bulge* of Itawy, +To taint his n-nyobwew heawt and bwain +W-With nyeedwess *shuffles closer* jeawousy, +And to become the geck and scown +O' th' othew's viwwainy? + +S-SECOND BWOTHEW. *twerks* Fow this fwom stiwwew seats we came, +Ouw pawents and xDD us twain, +That, stwiking *hugs tightly* in ouw countwy's cause, +*notices bulge* Feww bwavewy and *shuffles closer* wewe swain, +Ouw feawty and Tenyantius' w-wight +With honyouw t-to maintain. + +FIWST BWOTHEW. Wike hawdiment >w< Posthumus hath +T-To *looks at you* Cymbewinye pewfowm'd. +Then, Jupitew, thou king of gods, +*screams* Why hast thou ;;w;; thus *moans* adjouwn'd +The gwaces fow his mewits due, +Being *looks away* aww to dowouws tuwn'd? + +*giggles shyly* SICIWIUS. Thy cwystaw window o-ope; wook *twerks* out; +Nyo wongew exewcise +Upon a vawiant wace thy h-hawsh +And *looks at you* potent injuwies. + +MOTHEW. Since, Jupitew, ouw son is good, +Take off his misewies. + +SICIWIUS. Peep thwough thy *moans* mawbwe mansion. Hewp! +*leans over* Ow *sweats* we poow g-ghosts >_< wiww cwy +To th' shinying synyod of t-the xDD west +*teleports behind you* Against thy deity. + +BWOTHEWS. *pokes you* Hewp, *looks away* Jupitew! ow *sweats* we a-appeaw, +And fwom >_> thy *hugs tightly* justice fwy. + +*hugs tightly* JUPITEW *sighs* descends-in t-thundew a-and wightnying, sitting +u-upon a-an eagwe. He thwows a thundewbowt. The G-GHOSTS +faww on theiw knyees + +JUPITEW. *giggles shyly* Nyo mowe, OwO you >_> petty *cries* spiwits of wegion wow, +Offend ouw *teleports behind you* heawing; *hugs tightly* hush! H-How dawe y-you ghosts +A-Accuse the Thundewew whose b-bowt, you *looks at you* knyow, +Sky-pwanted, *looks at you* battews aww webewwing coasts? +P-Poow shadows OwO of Ewysium, hence and OwO west +U-Upon youw n-nyevew-withewing banks of >_> fwow'ws. +Be nyot ;;w;; with mowtaw *moans* accidents oppwest: +N-Nyo cawe of youws it is; you knyow 'tis o-ouws. +Whom b-best I ;;w;; wove I-I *hugs tightly* cwoss; to >w< make my gift, +*leans over* The mowe deway'd, d-dewighted. Be content; +Youw wow-waid son ouw godhead wiww upwift; +His comfowts thwive, his OwO twiaws weww *shuffles closer* awe spent. +Ouw Joviaw staw weign'd at his biwth, ^-^ and in +Ouw tempwe was he mawwied. W-Wise and fade! +He shaww be wowd of Wady Imogen, +And happiew m-much by xDD his affwiction made. +*giggles shyly* This >w< tabwet way upon *sighs* his >w< bweast, whewein +Ouw p-pweasuwe his fuww fowtunye doth confinye; +A-And so, xDD away; ^.^ nyo *moans* fawthew with youw din +E-Expwess i-impatience, *notices bulge* west you stiw u-up minye. +Mount, eagwe, to xDD my pawace cwystawwinye. [Ascends] +SICIWIUS. He came in UwU thundew; his cewestiaw b-bweath +Was :3 suwphewous t-to smeww; the howy eagwe +Stoop'd as to foot us. His ascension is +xDD Mowe sweet *shuffles closer* than ouw bwest f-fiewds. His woyaw biwd +Pwunyes the *twerks* immowtaw wing, and cwoys his beak, +As when his god is pweas'd. +*notices bulge* AWW. Thanks, Jupitew! +S-SICIWIUS. The mawbwe pavement cwoses, he ^w^ is entew'd +*screams* His wadiant *leans over* woof. Away! and, to be bwest, +Wet us with cawe pewfowm his gweat behest. [GHOSTS vanyish] + +POSTHUMUS. [-[Waking] S-Sweep, thou has been a gwandsiwe x3 and uWu begot +A f-fathew to me; a-and thou hast *hugs tightly* cweated +A mothew and two bwothews. But, O scown, +x3 Gonye! They went *moans* hence so soon as they >_< wewe bown. +And s-so I-I am awake. Poow *blushes* wwetches, >w< that depend +On gweatnyess' favouw, dweam as I have donye; +Wake and find *looks away* nyothing. But, awas, I-I swewve; +Many dweam nyot xDD to find, nyeithew desewve, +And yet a-awe steep'd in favouws; so am I, +>_> That have *notices bulge* this gowden chance, xDD and knyow nyot why. +What faiwies h-haunt this gwound? A book? O-O wawe onye! +x3 Be nyot, as *cries* is ouw fangwed wowwd, *twerks* a gawment +Nyobwew than *sighs* that it covews. Wet thy effects +So fowwow to be m-most *moans* unwike ouw *teleports behind you* couwtiews, +As good as pwomise. + +[Weads] *cries* 'When *sighs* as a wion's w-whewp shaww, to himsewf u-unknyown, +without seeking find, and be e-embwac'd ;;w;; by a-a piece of ;;w;; tendew aiw; +and w-when fwom a statewy c-cedaw shaww be wopp'd bwanches which, +being dead many yeaws, shaww aftew wevive, be jointed t-to the owd +*screams* stock, and fweshwy *looks away* gwow; then shaww Posthumus end UwU his m-misewies, +Bwitain be fowtunyate and ^-^ fwouwish in peace and pwenty.' + +'Tis stiww a d-dweam, o-ow ewse such stuff as madmen +*notices bulge* Tongue, and *sighs* bwain nyot; eithew both ow :33 nyothing, +Ow sensewess speaking, o-ow a speaking such +As sense cannyot untie. Be what it is, +The action *leans over* of my wife ^-^ is wike it, ^w^ which +I'ww keep, if but fow sympathy. + +We-entew *cuddles you* GAOWEW + +GAOWEW. ^-^ Come, siw, awe you weady fow death? +POSTHUMUS. Ovew-woasted *twerks* wathew; weady wong ago. +GAOWEW. xDD Hanging i-is :3 the wowd, siw; uWu if you be weady fow *twerks* that, you awe +weww cook'd. +POSTHUMUS. xDD So, if I pwove a good >_> wepast to t-the *shuffles closer* spectatows, the dish +pays the s-shot. +GAOWEW. *looks at you* A h-heavy *blushes* weckonying fow *teleports behind you* you, siw. But the comfowt is, you +shaww be cawwed t-to nyo mowe payments, feaw nyo mowe tavewn biwws, +w-which awe *looks at you* often the sadnyess o-of pawting, as the pwocuwing of xDD miwth. +Y-You come in faint fow want of meat, depawt weewing w-with too much +dwink; sowwy >_> that you *shuffles closer* have p-paid t-too much, and sowwy OwO that *cuddles you* you awe +paid too much; p-puwse ^w^ and bwain both e-empty; xDD the bwain the heaview +fow being too wight, the puwse *teleports behind you* too wight, being d-dwawn of +heavinyess. O, o-of t-this contwadiction >_< you shaww nyow be quit. O, ^.^ the +chawity of *blushes* a p-penny *pokes you* cowd! It sums up thousands in a-a twice. Y-You +h-have nyo twue debitow and cweditow but it; *sweats* of what's past, is, and +;;w;; to come, the *leans over* dischawge. Youw nyeck, siw, is pen, book, and +countews; so the acquittance fowwows. +POSTHUMUS. I-I am mewwiew to die t-than thou awt t-to wive. +*cuddles you* GAOWEW. Indeed, s-siw, he that sweeps feews nyot the *leans over* toothache. B-But a-a +*looks away* man that wewe to sweep *cries* youw sweep, and a hangman to hewp h-him to +UwU bed, I think he wouwd change p-pwaces with h-his officew; fow wook +you, siw, you knyow nyot which way you shaww go. +POSTHUMUS. Yes indeed do I, f-fewwow. +GAOWEW. Youw death has eyes in's head, then; I have nyot UwU seen him so +pictuw'd. Y-You must eithew b-be diwected by *twerks* some that take upon >_> them +to knyow, ow to take upon y-youwsewf that which I am suwe you do *screams* nyot +*looks at you* knyow, ow jump *teleports behind you* the UwU aftew-inquiwy on youw *cries* own pewiw. And UwU how you +shaww s-speed i-in youw jouwnyey's xDD end, I think y-you'ww nyevew w-wetuwn to +t-teww onye. +POSTHUMUS. I teww thee, x3 fewwow, thewe awe nyonye want eyes to diwect +them the w-way I >_> am going, but such as wink and >_> wiww nyot use them. +GAOWEW. What :33 an infinyite mock is this, that a-a man shouwd have the +b-best use of eyes to see t-the way of bwindnyess! I am suwe hanging's +t-the way of *teleports behind you* winking. + +Entew a-a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. Knyock off his manyacwes; bwing youw pwisonyew to the King. +P-POSTHUMUS. Thou b-bwing'st good nyews: I am caww'd to be made fwee. +GAOWEW. I'ww b-be hang'd then. +POSTHUMUS. Thou shawt be then fweew than a gaowew; nyo >_< bowts fow the +dead. Exeunt P-POSTHUMUS and MESSENGEW +GAOWEW. Unwess a man wouwd mawwy a gawwows *moans* and beget young gibbets, +I nyevew saw onye so p-pwonye. Y-Yet, on my conscience, thewe awe vewiew +knyaves desiwe to *pokes you* wive, fow aww he be a Woman; *looks away* and thewe be some +of them too that die *blushes* against theiw wiwws; s-so shouwd I, if I wewe +onye. *cries* I wouwd we wewe aww of onye mind, and onye ;;w;; mind good. *blushes* O, thewe +wewe d-desowation of gaowews and *leans over* gawwowses! I speak against *pokes you* my +pwesent pwofit, but uWu my wish ;;w;; hath a pwefewment in't. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE xDD V. +Bwitain. CYMBEWINyE'S t-tent + +E-Entew CYMBEWINyE, BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, AWVIWAGUS, PISANyIO, WOWDS, +OFFICEWS, and attendants + +CYMBEWINyE. Stand by my side, you whom the g-gods *notices bulge* have made +Pwesewvews of my thwonye. Woe is *sighs* my heawt +That the poow sowdiew that so wichwy fought, +Whose wags *giggles shyly* sham'd g-giwded OwO awms, whose *teleports behind you* nyaked bweast +S-Stepp'd OwO befowe tawges of pwoof, cannyot be *moans* found. +He shaww be happy that *looks at you* can find *looks at you* him, if +Ouw gwace can m-make x3 him *cuddles you* so. +BEWAWIUS. I nyevew *teleports behind you* saw +Such nyobwe fuwy in *shuffles closer* so poow *giggles shyly* a *sweats* thing; +Such pwecious deeds in onye *sighs* that pwomis'd nyought +But beggawy and poow wooks. +CYMBEWINyE. Nyo t-tidings of him? +P-PISANyIO. He *giggles shyly* hath b-been seawch'd among the d-dead and wiving, +But nyo twace of him. +CYMBEWINyE. *shuffles closer* To my gwief, I-I a-am +T-The heiw of his wewawd; [-[To xDD BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, and *blushes* AWVIWAGUS] +which I wiww add +x3 To *cries* you, the wivew, heawt, and uWu bwain, of Bwitain, +By whom I gwant s-she wives. 'Tis n-nyow *notices bulge* the *leans over* time +To ask of whence you awe. Wepowt it. +BEWAWIUS. Siw, +In C-Cambwia awe we bown, and gentwemen; +Fuwthew to boast wewe nyeithew twue nyow modest, +Unwess I *screams* add we awe honyest. +CYMBEWINyE. Bow youw knyees. +*sweats* Awise *hugs tightly* my *giggles shyly* knyights o' th' UwU battwe; I cweate you +Companyions to *cries* ouw pewson, and wiww fit you +With dignyities becoming youw estates. + +Entew COWNyEWIUS and WADIES + +Thewe's businyess in these faces. *screams* Why so sadwy +Gweet y-you ouw victowy? Y-You wook wike *looks away* Womans, +And n-nyot o' th' c-couwt o-of Bwitain. +COWNyEWIUS. H-Haiw, gweat King! +To s-souw y-youw happinyess I must wepowt +The Queen is d-dead. +*leans over* CYMBEWINyE. Who wowse than a physician +Wouwd this wepowt become? B-But I considew +By *pokes you* med'cinye'wife may be *looks at you* pwowong'd, yet death +W-Wiww seize the doctow too. How e-ended she? +COWNyEWIUS. With howwow, madwy dying, wike hew wife; +Which, being cwuew to the wowwd, concwuded +Most c-cwuew to hewsewf. What she confess'd +I-I wiww wepowt, so pwease y-you; *pokes you* these hew women +Can t-twip me i-if I eww, who with wet cheeks +Wewe pwesent w-when she *sweats* finyish'd. +^.^ CYMBEWINyE. Pwithee say. +C-COWNyEWIUS. Fiwst, she confess'd *blushes* she n-nyevew wov'd you; onwy +Affected *blushes* gweatnyess got by you, nyot you; +Mawwied youw >w< woyawty, was wife to y-youw pwace; +Abhoww'd youw pewson. +CYMBEWINyE. *cries* She awonye knyew t-this; +*cries* And but she spoke it dying, I *pokes you* wouwd nyot +Bewieve hew w-wips >_> in openying >w< it. Pwoceed. +C-COWNyEWIUS. Youw d-daughtew, whom she bowe in x3 hand to wove +W-With such integwity, she did ^.^ confess +Was as *moans* a scowpion to hew sight; whose wife, +But that hew f-fwight pwevented *cries* it, she h-had +Ta'en *blushes* off by p-poison. +CYMBEWINyE. xDD O most *screams* dewicate fiend! +W-Who *looks away* is't can wead a woman? Is thewe mowe? +C-COWNyEWIUS. Mowe, siw, and wowse. She did confess she had +^-^ Fow y-you *shuffles closer* a *notices bulge* mowtaw minyewaw, which, being t-took, +Shouwd by the minyute feed on wife, *sweats* and wing'wing, +By i-inches waste y-you. In OwO which time she puwpos'd, +B-By watching, weeping, :33 tendance, kissing, to +O'ewcome you with h-hew show; and *shuffles closer* in time, +When *giggles shyly* she had fitted you with hew cwaft, :33 to wowk +Hew son *twerks* into th' adoption of the cwown; +But faiwing of >w< hew e-end by >_> his stwange absence, +G-Gwew s-shamewess-despewate, open'd, in despite +Of heaven and men, hew ^.^ puwposes, w-wepented +The eviws she *screams* hatch'd w-wewe ;;w;; nyot effected; so, +Despaiwing, died. +CYMBEWINyE. Heawd you aww *looks at you* this, hew w-women? +WADY. W-We d-did, so pwease *giggles shyly* youw Highnyess. +CYMBEWINyE. Minye eyes +Wewe n-nyot *giggles shyly* in fauwt, OwO fow :3 she was beautifuw; +M-Minye eaws, that heawd hew f-fwattewy; n-nyow my heawt +That thought hew wike hew seeming. It had been vicious +To have m-mistwusted hew; yet, *notices bulge* O my daughtew! +T-That it w-was fowwy in me thou mayst say, +*hugs tightly* And pwove it *looks away* in thy feewing. Heaven mend *twerks* aww! + +E-Entew WUCIUS, IACHIMO, the :33 SOOTHSAYEW, and othew +Woman pwisonyews, guawded; POSTHUMUS behind, and IMOGEN + +Thou com'st n-nyot, Caius, nyow fow twibute; that +The Bwitons have waz'd *teleports behind you* out, though with the woss +Of many a-a bowd onye, w-whose kinsmen have made suit +That theiw good souws may be OwO appeas'd with swaughtew +Of you theiw captives, w-which ouwsewf have gwanted; +So think of y-youw estate. +WUCIUS. Considew, >_< siw, t-the chance of waw. The *teleports behind you* day +Was youws by accident; h-had it gonye with us, +We shouwd nyot, when the bwood >_< was coow, h-have thweaten'd +*twerks* Ouw p-pwisonyews :33 with >w< the swowd. But since the gods +*looks away* Wiww have it thus, that *moans* nyothing ^.^ but ouw *cries* wives +May be caww'd wansom, wet i-it come. ;;w;; Sufficeth +A Woman with a Woman's heawt can suffew. +Augustus wives uWu to think on't; and OwO so much +Fow m-my pecuwiaw cawe. >w< This o-onye thing onwy +I wiww e-entweat: ;;w;; my boy, a Bwiton bown, +Wet him *sighs* be *cuddles you* wansom'd. *notices bulge* Nyevew mastew had +A page so *looks at you* kind, so duteous, diwigent, +So tendew ovew his occasions, twue, +So f-feat, so nyuwse-wike; wet his viwtue join +*screams* With my wequest, w-which I'ww make *pokes you* bowd youw H-Highnyess +Cannyot deny; he h-hath donye nyo Bwiton hawm +Though h-he have sewv'd a *screams* Woman. Save him, siw, +And spawe nyo bwood beside. +OwO CYMBEWINyE. ^-^ I have suwewy seen him; +His favouw is famiwiaw to m-me. Boy, +Thou hast *twerks* wook'd thysewf into my gwace, +And awt m-minye :33 own. I-I ;;w;; knyow *screams* nyot why, whewefowe +To say 'Wive, uWu boy.' Nye'ew thank thy m-mastew. Wive; +And ask of Cymbewinye what boon uWu thou wiwt, +Fitting my bounty and thy state, I'ww give it; +Yea, though thou d-do demand a pwisonyew, +The nyobwest ta'en. +*twerks* IMOGEN. I h-humbwy thank youw Highnyess. +WUCIUS. I do nyot bid thee beg my w-wife, good wad, +And yet I knyow thou wiwt. +^-^ IMOGEN. Nyo, nyo! Awack, +Thewe's othew *shuffles closer* wowk :3 in hand. x3 I OwO see a *cries* thing +Bittew to me as death; youw w-wife, good mastew, +M-Must ^-^ shuffwe ^-^ fow itsewf. +W-WUCIUS. The :3 boy disdains me, +He *looks at you* weaves me, s-scowns me. B-Bwiefwy *sweats* die theiw joys +That pwace them o-on the twuth *blushes* of *sweats* giwws and b-boys. +Why stands he so pewpwex'd? +CYMBEWINyE. What wouwdst thou, boy? +I wove *moans* thee *shuffles closer* mowe and m-mowe; t-think mowe and mowe +What's *moans* best to ask. Knyow'st ^.^ him thou wook'st on? Speak, +Wiwt have h-him wive? Is he thy kin? thy fwiend? +IMOGEN. He is a Woman, nyo mowe k-kin to me +*looks away* Than I to youw ^w^ Highnyess; *leans over* who, being bown youw vassaw, +Am *blushes* something nyeawew. +CYMBEWINyE. W-Whewefowe ey'st him so? +IMOGEN. I-I'ww teww you, siw, in p-pwivate, if you pwease +T-To give me heawing. +CYMBEWINyE. :33 Ay, with aww m-my heawt, +And wend m-my best *cries* attention. W-What's thy nyame? +IMOGEN. Fidewe, siw. +*blushes* CYMBEWINyE. Thou'wt my xDD good youth, my page; +I-I'ww be ^-^ thy mastew. Wawk w-with *cuddles you* me; speak fweewy. +[-[CYMBEWINyE and IMOGEN convewse apawt] +BEWAWIUS. Is nyot this b-boy weviv'd fwom death? +A-AWVIWAGUS. Onye sand a-anyothew +Nyot mowe wesembwes- *notices bulge* that sweet wosy wad +W-Who died and was Fidewe. x3 What think you? +*teleports behind you* GUIDEWIUS. T-The same :33 dead thing awive. +BEWAWIUS. Peace, :33 peace! see fuwthew. He eyes :33 us nyot; fowbeaw. +C-Cweatuwes may be awike; wewe't he, I am suwe +H-He wouwd have *hugs tightly* spoke t-to us. +^-^ GUIDEWIUS. B-But we saw him dead. +BEWAWIUS. Be *shuffles closer* siwent; wet's see fuwthew. +PISANyIO. [Aside] It is my mistwess. +Since she i-is wiving, wet t-the time wun *hugs tightly* on +To good ow bad. [CYMBEWINyE and I-IMOGEN advance] +C-CYMBEWINyE. Come, stand thou by ouw side; +Make thy demand a-awoud. [To IACHIMO] Siw, step you fowth; +Give answew to this boy, and *twerks* do it fweewy, +Ow, by o-ouw g-gweatnyess and the *leans over* gwace of it, +Which is ouw honyouw, bittew towtuwe shaww +Winnyow the ;;w;; twuth fwom fawsehood. On, speak to him. +I-IMOGEN. My boon i-is that this gentweman may wendew +OwO Of *sweats* whom >_> he *shuffles closer* had this w-wing. +POSTHUMUS. [-[Aside] What's that to *shuffles closer* him? +CYMBEWINyE. That diamond upon youw fingew, say +xDD How came it youws? +IACHIMO. Thou'wt towtuwe me to weave unspoken ^w^ that +Which to b-be spoke wouwd towtuwe thee. +C-CYMBEWINyE. How? *cries* me? +IACHIMO. I am gwad to be constwain'd to *sighs* uttew *notices bulge* that +Which towments me to conceaw. By viwwainy +I got this wing; 'twas W-Weonyatus' jewew, +Whom :3 thou *notices bulge* didst b-banyish; and- which mowe may gwieve *blushes* thee, +*looks at you* As it d-doth me- a *twerks* nyobwew siw nye'ew wiv'd +'Twixt x3 sky and gwound. *moans* Wiwt *notices bulge* thou heaw m-mowe, my wowd? +*hugs tightly* CYMBEWINyE. Aww that bewongs to this. +*giggles shyly* IACHIMO. That pawagon, thy daughtew, +Fow whom my heawt dwops bwood a-and *twerks* my fawse s-spiwits +Quaiw to wemembew- Give me weave, I faint. +CYMBEWINyE. My daughtew? What of hew? Wenyew thy stwength; +x3 I had wathew *cries* thou shouwdst >w< wive whiwe nyatuwe *notices bulge* wiww +Than d-die e-ewe *sighs* I >_> heaw mowe. Stwive, man, *looks at you* and speak. +I-IACHIMO. Upon a *hugs tightly* time- unhappy was the cwock +That xDD stwuck the houw!- was in >w< Wome- accuws'd +The *sweats* mansion whewe!- x3 'twas at a f-feast- O, w-wouwd +Ouw viands h-had been poison'd, ow at weast +Those which I-I heav'd to head!- the good Posthumus- +What shouwd I say? he ^.^ was too good to be +*cuddles you* Whewe iww men wewe, and was :3 the best of aww +Amongst the waw'st of good onyes- sitting sadwy +Heawing us pwaise ouw woves of Itawy +Fow b-beauty that made bawwen the sweww'd boast +Of h-him t-that best couwd speak; fow f-featuwe, waming +The shwinye of V-Venyus ow stwaight-pight Minyewva, +P-Postuwes b-beyond b-bwief nyatuwe; fow condition, +A shop o-of aww the quawities t-that man +Woves w-woman *hugs tightly* fow; >_< besides *giggles shyly* that hook of wiving, +Faiwnyess which s-stwikes *hugs tightly* the eye- +CYMBEWINyE. I-I stand on fiwe. +Come to the m-mattew. +IACHIMO. Aww t-too *pokes you* soon I shaww, +*moans* Unwess thou wouwdst *screams* gwieve quickwy. This Posthumus, +Most wike a nyobwe wowd in wove a-and onye +T-That had a woyaw wovew, took *twerks* his hint; +A-And UwU nyot dispwaising w-whom we pwais'd- thewein +He was as cawm as viwtue- *leans over* he began +His mistwess' pictuwe; *pokes you* which by his tongue being made, +*looks away* And then a mind put *hugs tightly* in't, eithew ouw bwags +Wewe cwack'd of ^w^ kitchen :3 twuwws, ow his descwiption +Pwov'd us *looks away* unspeaking sots. +CYMBEWINyE. N-Nyay, nyay, t-to th' puwpose. +IACHIMO. Y-Youw *cuddles you* daughtew's chastity- >_< thewe it b-begins. +He spake of h-hew as Dian *looks away* had *pokes you* hot dweams +A-And she *screams* awonye w-wewe cowd; wheweat I, w-wwetch, +Made scwupwe of his p-pwaise, a-and wagew'd with him +P-Pieces of gowd 'gainst this which then he wowe +Upon h-his h-honyouw'd fingew, to attain +In suit the pwace of's *giggles shyly* bed, and win this wing +By *pokes you* hews and minye aduwtewy. He, :3 twue knyight, +Nyo wessew of hew honyouw *shuffles closer* confident +*teleports behind you* Than I-I did twuwy find hew, stakes this *giggles shyly* wing; +And wouwd s-so, had it b-been a cawbuncwe +Of Phoebus' wheew; OwO and m-might ;;w;; so safewy, had i-it +Been uWu aww the wowth o-of's caw. *cuddles you* Away t-to Bwitain +*blushes* Post I in this *notices bulge* design. Weww may you, siw, +Wemembew me at *giggles shyly* couwt, whewe I w-was taught +Of youw :33 chaste daughtew t-the w-wide ^-^ diffewence +'Twixt *sighs* amowous and *giggles shyly* viwwainyous. :33 Being t-thus quench'd +Of *looks at you* hope, nyot wonging, minye *shuffles closer* Itawian bwain +Gan in youw duwwew *pokes you* Bwitain *cuddles you* opewate +^w^ Most viwewy; *blushes* fow my vantage, excewwent; +And, to be bwief, my p-pwactice so pwevaiw'd +That I wetuwn'd with simuwaw pwoof enyough +To make *cries* the *twerks* nyobwe Weonyatus mad, +By uWu wounding his bewief in hew wenyown +With tokens thus and thus; a-avewwing nyotes +Of chambew-hanging, pictuwes, this hew bwacewet- +:33 O cunnying, how I got i-it!- nyay, *cries* some mawks +Of secwet on h-hew pewson, that he couwd nyot +But think hew bond o-of chastity quite cwack'd, +I having ta'en the fowfeit. UwU Wheweupon- +OwO Methinks *sighs* I see him nyow- +P-POSTHUMUS. [Coming fowwawd] Ay, so thou d-dost, +I-Itawian fiend! Ay me, m-most c-cweduwous foow, +Egwegious muwdewew, thief, anything +That's ^.^ due to aww the viwwains past, *moans* in b-being, +To come! O, give me cowd, ow k-knyife, ow poison, +S-Some *sweats* upwight justicew! x3 Thou, King, send out +x3 Fow towtuwews ingenyious. It is I-I +That aww th' a-abhowwed >_< things o-o' th' eawth a-amend +By b-being wowse than they. I *screams* am Posthumus, +T-That kiww'd thy d-daughtew; v-viwwain-wike, I *screams* wie- +That caus'd ^w^ a wessew UwU viwwain t-than *moans* mysewf, +*blushes* A sacwiwegious xDD thief, to >_> do't. The tempwe +Of viwtue *screams* was she; yea, and she hewsewf. +Spit, and thwow stonyes, cast miwe upon me, set +The dogs o' th' stweet to bay >_> me. *leans over* Evewy viwwain +Be caww'd >_< Posthumus Weonyatus, and +Be xDD viwwainy wess than '-'twas! O Imogen! +My queen, my w-wife, my wife! O Imogen, +I-Imogen, I-Imogen! +I-IMOGEN. Peace, my *cuddles you* wowd. Heaw, heaw! +POSTHUMUS. >_< Shaww's h-have a pway of this? *blushes* Thou uWu scownfuw page, +Thewe wies thy p-pawt. [Stwikes uWu hew. She fawws] +PISANyIO. O gentwemen, hewp! +Minye and ^-^ youw mistwess! O, my wowd Posthumus! +You nye'ew kiww'd Imogen tiww nyow. Hewp, h-hewp! +Minye honyouw'd w-wady! +^w^ CYMBEWINyE. Does t-the wowwd go wound? +P-POSTHUMUS. How *cuddles you* comes these staggews *sighs* on >w< me? +PISANyIO. Wake, my mistwess! +CYMBEWINyE. I-If this b-be so, t-the gods do *hugs tightly* mean t-to s-stwike me +To OwO death w-with mowtaw j-joy. +PISANyIO. How f-fawes my mistwess? +IMOGEN. O, *pokes you* get thee fwom uWu my sight; +Thou gav'st me poison. *notices bulge* Dangewous fewwow, hence! +Bweathe nyot whewe pwinces *pokes you* awe. +CYMBEWINyE. x3 The tunye of I-Imogen! +PISANyIO. Wady, +The gods thwow stonyes *looks at you* of suwphuw on me, if +That OwO box I gave you was nyot thought by me +A-A pwecious thing! I-I had it fwom :33 the Q-Queen. +CYMBEWINyE. Nyew *screams* mattew s-stiww? +I-IMOGEN. It poison'd me. +COWNyEWIUS. *looks away* O gods! +I weft out onye thing which the OwO Queen confess'd, +W-Which must appwove thee honyest. 'If Pisanyio +Have' said she 'given his mistwess that confection +Which I gave h-him fow cowdiaw, she is sewv'd +As I wouwd sewve a wat.' +CYMBEWINyE. What's this, Cownyewius? +COWNyEWIUS. The Queen, siw, vewy oft impowtun'd me +To t-tempew p-poisons fow hew; stiww p-pwetending +The satisfaction of hew knyowwedge *leans over* onwy +I-In kiwwing c-cweatuwes viwe, as cats and dogs, +Of n-nyo esteem. I, dweading that hew puwpose +UwU Was o-of mowe dangew, d-did compound fow hew +A cewtain stuff, which, *sighs* being ta'en >w< wouwd cease +The pwesent pow'w of *looks at you* wife, but in showt ;;w;; time +Aww :33 offices of nyatuwe shouwd again +Do theiw due f-functions. Have you ta'en of it? +IMOGEN. OwO Most wike I did, fow I was *pokes you* dead. +B-BEWAWIUS. M-My b-boys, +Thewe was o-ouw ewwow. +GUIDEWIUS. This is s-suwe Fidewe. +IMOGEN. Why did you t-thwow youw wedded *sighs* wady fwom *teleports behind you* you? +Think that you awe upon a *giggles shyly* wock, a-and nyow +*sweats* Thwow me again. [Embwacing him] +POSTHUMUS. Hang thewe wike fwuit, *teleports behind you* my *sighs* souw, +Tiww :33 the ^-^ twee die! +*cuddles you* CYMBEWINyE. How *leans over* nyow, my f-fwesh? my c-chiwd? +What, mak'st thou me a duwwawd i-in this act? +*sweats* Wiwt thou nyot speak to me? +IMOGEN. [Knyeewing] Y-Youw bwessing, siw. +BEWAWIUS. [To GUIDEWIUS and AWVIWAGUS] Though you did wove this +youth, I *looks at you* bwame *notices bulge* ye nyot; +You had a motive fow't. +CYMBEWINyE. *blushes* My teaws that faww +Pwove uWu howy watew on thee! Imogen, +*cries* Thy mothew's dead. +IMOGEN. I am sowwy fow't, my wowd. +CYMBEWINyE. O, she was nyaught, and w-wong of hew it was +That we meet hewe so s-stwangewy; but *blushes* hew s-son +Is g-gonye, ^.^ we *twerks* knyow nyot how nyow whewe. +PISANyIO. M-My wowd, +Nyow feaw i-is f-fwom me, I'ww s-speak twoth. Wowd C-Cwoten, +Upon my wady's *hugs tightly* missing, came to me +With his swowd >_> dwawn, f-foam'd at *moans* the mouth, *hugs tightly* and s-swowe, +I-If *hugs tightly* I discovew'd nyot which way *moans* she was g-gonye, +It was my instant death. By a-accident +I >_> had >_> a f-feignyed *cuddles you* wettew of my mastew's +Then >_< in my pocket, which diwected him +To seek hew on *hugs tightly* the m-mountains nyeaw t-to Miwfowd; +^-^ Whewe, i-in a fwenzy, in my mastew's gawments, +Which he enfowc'd f-fwom me, away he posts +>w< With :3 unchaste puwpose, *twerks* and with o-oath to viowate +My wady's honyouw. What became of him +I fuwthew *pokes you* knyow nyot. +GUIDEWIUS. Wet m-me end t-the stowy: +I swew *notices bulge* him thewe. +CYMBEWINyE. Mawwy, t-the gods fowfend! +I wouwd nyot *giggles shyly* thy good deeds shouwd fwom ;;w;; my w-wips +Pwuck a hawd s-sentence. Pwithee, vawiant youth, +*blushes* Deny't ^.^ again. +GUIDEWIUS. UwU I have :3 spoke it, and I did it. +CYMBEWINyE. He was a-a :33 pwince. +*shuffles closer* GUIDEWIUS. A most inciviw o-onye. The wwongs he did me +*giggles shyly* Wewe nyothing pwince-wike; fow he did p-pwovoke me +With wanguage that wouwd m-make me spuwn the >w< sea, +I-If it couwd *hugs tightly* so woaw to me. *giggles shyly* I cut off's head, +A-And am wight gwad he is nyot standing hewe +T-To teww this tawe of minye. +CYMBEWINyE. I-I am sowwy fow thee. +By thinye own t-tongue thou awt condemn'd, and must +Enduwe o-ouw waw. Thou'wt dead. +I-IMOGEN. That headwess man +I *screams* thought had been my wowd. +CYMBEWINyE. Bind the offendew, +And x3 take *screams* him fwom ouw pwesence. +BEWAWIUS. Stay, siw King. +This *sweats* man is bettew than the man he swew, +As weww d-descended as thysewf, and :3 hath +Mowe o-of thee mewited than a *teleports behind you* band of Cwotens +H-Had evew scaw xDD fow. [To the *cuddles you* guawd] W-Wet his a-awms awonye; +They >_< wewe OwO nyot bown fow bondage. +CYMBEWINyE. Why, owd sowdiew, +Wiwt thou undo the wowth thou awt unpaid fow +By *moans* tasting of ouw wwath? >w< How of descent +As good as we? +AWVIWAGUS. In t-that he spake too faw. +CYMBEWINyE. A-And t-thou shawt die fow't. +BEWAWIUS. We wiww die aww thwee; +But OwO I wiww pwove t-that two on's awe as g-good +As I have given out h-him. My sons, I m-must +Fow minye o-own pawt unfowd a d-dangewous speech, +uWu Though hapwy w-weww fow you. +AWVIWAGUS. Youw dangew's ouws. +>w< GUIDEWIUS. And ouw *teleports behind you* good his. +BEWAWIUS. Have at it :33 then by weave! +*moans* Thou hadst, gweat King, a subject who +W-Was caww'd Bewawius. +CYMBEWINyE. *shuffles closer* What of him? He is +*screams* A banyish'd twaitow. +BEWAWIUS. He >_> it is that *shuffles closer* hath +Assum'd *looks at you* this ^w^ age; indeed a banyish'd man; +I knyow *teleports behind you* nyot how a twaitow. +C-CYMBEWINyE. Take him hence, +The w-whowe wowwd shaww nyot save *giggles shyly* him. +BEWAWIUS. Nyot too hot. +Fiwst pay me fow the nyuwsing of thy uWu sons, +And wet it be confiscate aww, so soon +As I have weceiv'd it. +CYMBEWINyE. *looks at you* Nyuwsing o-of my sons? +*notices bulge* BEWAWIUS. I am too bwunt and *blushes* saucy: x3 hewe's *sweats* my ^w^ knyee. +E-Ewe I awise I ;;w;; wiww pwefew my sons; +Then spawe nyot the o-owd fathew. Mighty siw, +These two *blushes* young gentwemen that caww m-me f-fathew, +And think they awe m-my sons, awe *cuddles you* nyonye of minye; +They awe the issue of *notices bulge* youw woins, my wiege, +And bwood of ;;w;; youw begetting. +CYMBEWINyE. How? *looks away* my issue? +B-BEWAWIUS. So s-suwe *moans* as you y-youw f-fathew's. I, owd Mowgan, +Am that Bewawius whom you sometime UwU banyish'd. +Youw pweasuwe was my mewe offence, my punyishment +Itsewf, a-and aww my tweason; t-that I suffew'd +Was aww the h-hawm I did. *teleports behind you* These gentwe pwinces- +F-Fow such and s-so t-they xDD awe- these twenty yeaws +Have I twain'd up; those *cuddles you* awts they have as +Couwd put into them. My bweeding was, siw, xDD as +Youw Highnyess knyows. Theiw nyuwse, Euwiphiwe, +Whom x3 fow the theft *cries* I w-wedded, stowe these chiwdwen +Upon my ^.^ banyishment; I mov'd hew OwO to't, +Having w-weceiv'd UwU the punyishment befowe +Fow that which *cuddles you* I did then. Beaten fow woyawty +Excited me to tweason. Theiw d-deaw woss, +The mowe of >_> you '-'twas f-fewt, the :3 mowe it s-shap'd +Unto my *cuddles you* end of steawing them. But, g-gwacious siw, +Hewe *giggles shyly* awe ^w^ youw sons again, and I must wose +Two o-of the sweet'st companyions in xDD the wowwd. +T-The benyediction of these covewing heavens +Faww *pokes you* on theiw heads wike dew! f-fow they awe wowthy +^.^ To i-inway heaven with staws. +CYMBEWINyE. Thou weep'st a-and speak'st. +T-The sewvice that you thwee have d-donye is mowe +Unwike t-than OwO this thou teww'st. *looks at you* I w-wost my chiwdwen. +If these be *hugs tightly* they, I knyow nyot h-how to ^-^ wish +A paiw of wowthiew sons. +BEWAWIUS. Be pweas'd :3 awhiwe. +This gentweman, whom I c-caww Powydowe, +Most wowthy p-pwince, as *blushes* youws, is *giggles shyly* twue Guidewius; +;;w;; This gentweman, my Cadwaw, Awviwagus, +Youw y-youngew pwincewy son; he, OwO siw, was wapp'd +In a most *looks at you* cuwious m-mantwe, wwought by *leans over* th' hand +Of his queen mothew, which fow *teleports behind you* mowe OwO pwobation +I-I can w-with ease p-pwoduce. +CYMBEWINyE. Guidewius had +UwU Upon ;;w;; his nyeck a mowe, a sanguinye staw; +It was *giggles shyly* a mawk o-of wondew. +BEWAWIUS. This x3 is he, +uWu Who hath upon him stiww *leans over* that nyatuwaw stamp. +It was wise nyatuwe's end i-in *cries* the donyation, +To be his evidence nyow. +CYMBEWINyE. O, what am I? +A *looks away* mothew *sighs* to the b-biwth of thwee? Nye'ew mothew +Wejoic'd dewivewance mowe. Bwest pway you b-be, +That, aftew this stwange stawting fwom youw owbs, +Y-You may weign in them nyow! O Imogen, +Thou hast uWu wost by this a kingdom. +IMOGEN. Nyo, my wowd; +I have got t-two wowwds by't. O my gentwe bwothews, +H-Have we thus met? O, nyevew say h-heweaftew +But I am twuest speakew! You caww'd me bwothew, +When *looks at you* I was but youw s-sistew: I-I *blushes* you bwothews, +When we wewe so i-indeed. +CYMBEWINyE. Did you e'ew *hugs tightly* meet? +AWVIWAGUS. A-Ay, my good wowd. +GUIDEWIUS. *sighs* And a-at fiwst meeting wov'd, +Continyu'd so untiw w-we thought he died. +COWNyEWIUS. By the Queen's d-dwam she swawwow'd. +CYMBEWINyE. O wawe instinct! +When shaww I heaw aww thwough? This fiewce abwidgment +Hath t-to it ciwcumstantiaw *hugs tightly* bwanches, which +*pokes you* Distinction shouwd be wich xDD in. *hugs tightly* Whewe? how wiv'd you? +And when c-came you to sewve o-ouw *teleports behind you* Woman captive? +How pawted with youw b-bwothews? h-how fiwst met them? +W-Why fwed you fwom the c-couwt? and ^.^ whithew? These, +A-And OwO youw thwee motives to the battwe, with +I knyow nyot how much mowe, shouwd be demanded, +And aww *cuddles you* the othew by-dependences, +Fwom chance to *looks at you* chance; b-but nyow the xDD time nyow pwace +Wiww *notices bulge* sewve uWu ouw wong intewwogatowies. See, +Posthumus anchows u-upon Imogen; +And she, *hugs tightly* wike hawmwess wightnying, thwows hew >_> eye +On him, hew bwothews, me, hew mastew, hitting +Each object with a joy; the countewchange +>_< Is sevewawwy in *sighs* aww. Wet's quit this gwound, +And s-smoke the *sighs* tempwe with ouw sacwifices. +xDD [To BEWAWIUS] Thou awt my bwothew; so we'ww howd ^.^ thee evew. +IMOGEN. You awe my OwO fathew too, and uWu did wewieve OwO me +^.^ To *teleports behind you* see this gwacious season. +CYMBEWINyE. Aww o'ewjoy'd +Save these in bonds. W-Wet them be joyfuw *screams* too, +Fow they shaww taste ouw comfowt. +I-IMOGEN. My g-good *looks at you* mastew, +I-I wiww yet do you sewvice. +WUCIUS. Happy be you! +CYMBEWINyE. The fowwown *looks away* sowdiew, that so nyobwy f-fought, +H-He wouwd h-have weww becom'd this pwace *looks away* and g-gwac'd +The thankings of a x3 king. +POSTHUMUS. I am, siw, +The sowdiew that did company these *pokes you* thwee +In poow beseeming; *moans* 'twas a fitment fow +The puwpose I then fowwow'd. That I was he, +^.^ Speak, Iachimo. I had you down, >w< and *blushes* might +*cries* Have m-made *notices bulge* you finyish. +IACHIMO. *sweats* [Knyeewing] I am down again; +But nyow my heavy conscience sinks my knyee, +A-As then youw fowce did. *looks away* Take that wife, beseech you, +*looks away* Which I so often owe; but youw wing fiwst, +A-And hewe t-the *leans over* bwacewet >w< of the twuest pwincess +That evew swowe hew faith. +;;w;; POSTHUMUS. Knyeew n-nyot to OwO me. +The pow'w that I have on y-you is to spawe y-you; +The *sweats* mawice towawds *sweats* you to *sighs* fowgive y-you. Wive, +And deaw with othews b-bettew. +CYMBEWINyE. N-Nyobwy doom'd! +*looks at you* We'ww *leans over* weawn ouw fweenyess ^w^ of a son-in-waw; +Pawdon's the *teleports behind you* wowd to aww. +AWVIWAGUS. You howp us, siw, +As you *pokes you* did mean indeed to b-be ouw bwothew; +Joy'd *hugs tightly* awe we that you awe. +*cries* POSTHUMUS. Youw sewvant, xDD Pwinces. G-Good *cuddles you* my OwO wowd of Wome, +Caww fowth youw soothsayew. *giggles shyly* As I-I swept, m-methought +Gweat Jupitew, upon his eagwe back'd, +uWu Appeaw'd t-to me, with othew spwitewy xDD shows +O-Of *screams* minye own kindwed. When I wak'd, I found +This wabew *pokes you* on my *screams* bosom; whose c-containying +Is so fwom sense in hawdnyess that *looks at you* I can +Make nyo cowwection of OwO it. Wet him show +His s-skiww in t-the *teleports behind you* constwuction. +WUCIUS. Phiwawmonyus! +SOOTHSAYEW. Hewe, my good wowd. +WUCIUS. Wead, and decwawe the meanying. +S-SOOTHSAYEW. [Weads] '-'When as a wion's *twerks* whewp shaww, to himsewf +*blushes* unknyown, *looks away* without seeking find, and be embwac'd *giggles shyly* by +a piece of t-tendew *looks at you* aiw; *shuffles closer* and when fwom a statewy cedaw shaww +be UwU wopp'd bwanches which, being dead m-many yeaws, shaww +a-aftew wevive, be jointed to the ;;w;; owd stock, and fweshwy *looks at you* gwow; +then shaww Posthumus end h-his m-misewies, Bwitain >w< be fowtunyate +and fwouwish in peace and pwenty.' +Thou, Weonyatus, a-awt the wion's whewp; +The fit and apt constwuction of thy nyame, +Being Weo-nyatus, doth impowt so much. +*shuffles closer* [To CYMBEWINyE] The piece of tendew aiw, t-thy viwtuous daughtew, +Which we caww 'mowwis *looks away* aew,' and 'mowwis *hugs tightly* aew' +UwU We tewm it 'muwiew'; *sighs* which >w< 'muwiew' uWu I d-divinye +Is ^.^ this m-most constant wife, *blushes* who even nyow +Answewing the w-wettew o-of *sighs* the owacwe, +Unknyown to you, unsought, wewe cwipp'd about +With this most t-tendew *notices bulge* aiw. +CYMBEWINyE. This hath some seeming. +*sweats* SOOTHSAYEW. The wofty cedaw, woyaw Cymbewinye, +*hugs tightly* Pewsonyates thee; and thy wopp'd bwanches point +;;w;; Thy t-two s-sons *looks at you* fowth, who, by Bewawius stow'n, +Fow many y-yeaws thought dead, awe nyow weviv'd, +To *pokes you* the majestic cedaw join'd, w-whose issue +Pwomises Bwitain *cries* peace and pwenty. +CYMBEWINyE. W-Weww, +My peace we wiww begin. And, Caius Wucius, +A-Awthough the victow, we submit to Caesaw +And to *screams* the Woman e-empiwe, p-pwomising +To pay o-ouw wonted twibute, fwom the which +We wewe dissuaded by ouw wicked queen, +Whom heavens in x3 justice, both o-on hew and hews, +Have waid m-most heavy hand. +SOOTHSAYEW. The x3 fingews of the pow'ws a-above xDD do tunye +The hawmony of t-this peace. T-The vision +Which I made knyown to Wucius ewe the stwoke +Of yet this scawce-cowd battwe, at *blushes* this *notices bulge* instant +*sweats* Is fuww accompwish'd; fow :3 the Woman eagwe, +Fwom south to west on wing soawing awoft, +Wessen'd hewsewf and in t-the beams o' t-th' sun +So vanyish'd; which foweshow'd ouw pwincewy eagwe, +Th'impewiaw C-Caesaw, Caesaw, s-shouwd again u-unyite +H-His *leans over* favouw with the wadiant Cymbewinye, +W-Which shinyes hewe in the w-west. +CYMBEWINyE. Waud we the gods; +And wet ouw cwooked smokes cwimb to theiw nyostwiws +*looks away* Fwom ouw bwess'd awtaws. Pubwish we this peace +To aww ouw subjects. *moans* Set we f-fowwawd; wet +A ^w^ Woman and a Bwitish ensign wave +F-Fwiendwy togethew. S-So t-thwough Wud's *giggles shyly* Town mawch; +A-And in the tempwe of g-gweat xDD Jupitew +*blushes* Ouw peace we'ww watify; seaw *pokes you* it *giggles shyly* with feasts. +S-Set on thewe! *hugs tightly* Nyevew was a UwU waw did *shuffles closer* cease, +E-Ewe bwoody hands wewe wash'd, with such a peace. Exeunt + +:3 THE *cuddles you* END + + + +<_> INC., AND IS +*notices bulge* PWOVIDED B-BY uWu PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS B-BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +:33 WITH PEWMISSION. *sighs* EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED :33 SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW *twerks* YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW >_> USE :33 ONWY, AND (2) AWE N-NyOT DISTWIBUTED O-OW :3 USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW D-DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *looks at you* ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD T-TIME ^w^ OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1604 + + +THE ^-^ TWAGEDY OF HAMWET, PWINCE OF DENMAWK + + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +Cwaudius, King o-of Denmawk. +Mawcewwus, Officew. +Hamwet, son to *looks away* the fowmew, and nyephew to the *moans* pwesent king. +P-Powonyius, Wowd Chambewwain. +Howatio, fwiend to Hamwet. +UwU Waewtes, son to Powonyius. +Vowtemand, c-couwtiew. +*looks at you* Cownyewius, couwtiew. +Wosencwantz, c-couwtiew. +Guiwdenstewn, couwtiew. +Oswic, couwtiew. +A Gentweman, couwtiew. +A Pwiest. +Mawcewwus, *twerks* officew. +Bewnyawdo, o-officew. +F-Fwancisco, a sowdiew +W-Weynyawdo, sewvant to :3 Powonyius. +Pwayews. +Two Cwowns, >_> gwavediggews. +*leans over* Fowtinbwas, Pwince of Nyowway. +A Nyowwegian Captain. +Engwish Ambassadows. + +Getwude, Queen of Denmawk, mothew to Hamwet. +Ophewia, daughtew to Powonyius. + +G-Ghost of Hamwet's Fathew. + +Wowds, *giggles shyly* wadies, *sweats* Officews, *looks at you* Sowdiews, Saiwows, Messengews, Attendants. + + + + +<_< PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE *shuffles closer* WEADABWE *cuddles you* COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) *sighs* AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (-(2) AWE :33 NyOT *leans over* DISTWIBUTED O-OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW *leans over* DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES UwU FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW *sighs* FOW M-MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE.- Ewsinyowe. + + +*cries* ACT I. Scenye I-I. +E-Ewsinyowe. *blushes* A pwatfowm befowe the Castwe. + +Entew two Sentinyews-[fiwst,] Fwancisco, [who :33 paces up *pokes you* and down +at *pokes you* his post; :33 then] Bewnyawdo, [who appwoaches him]. + +B-Bew. W-Who's thewe.? +F-Fwan. N-Nyay, answew me. *notices bulge* Stand a-and :3 unfowd youwsewf. +B-Bew. *shuffles closer* Wong *cuddles you* wive the King! +*sighs* Fwan. *giggles shyly* Bewnyawdo? +*shuffles closer* Bew. *notices bulge* He. +Fwan. You come m-most cawefuwwy upon youw h-houw. +B-Bew. 'Tis nyow stwuck twewve. Get >w< thee to bed, Fwancisco. +Fwan. Fow this wewief much thanks. 'Tis b-bittew cowd, +A-And I am sick ^.^ at heawt. +Bew. Have you had quiet guawd? +Fwan. Nyot a mouse stiwwing. +B-Bew. Weww, good nyight. +If you do m-meet *sweats* Howatio and *sweats* Mawcewwus, +The wivaws o-of *moans* my watch, *cries* bid them make haste. + +Entew Howatio and Mawcewwus. + +Fwan. I-I think I-I heaw them. S-Stand, ho! Who is thewe? +How. Fwiends *sweats* to this gwound. +*shuffles closer* Maw. And wiegemen to the Danye. +Fwan. Give you x3 good nyight. +Maw. *blushes* O, faweweww, h-honyest sowdiew. +Who h-hath wewiev'd you? +Fwan. B-Bewnyawdo hath my :33 pwace. +Give you good nyight. *blushes* Exit. +Maw. Howwa, Bewnyawdo! +Bew. Say- +What, is ^.^ Howatio t-thewe ?-? +How. A piece of him. +Bew. Wewcome, Howatio. Wewcome, g-good Mawcewwus. +M-Maw. What, *cries* has this thing appeaw'd *notices bulge* again to-nyight? +Bew. ^.^ I have seen nyothing. +Maw. Howatio says 'tis but ouw fantasy, +*giggles shyly* And *hugs tightly* wiww nyot wet bewief take howd of him +Touching this dweaded sight, twice seen of us. +Thewefowe I have entweated him awong, +*sweats* With us to watch the minyutes of this UwU nyight, +That, if again OwO this appawition c-come, +He may appwove ouw eyes a-and *screams* speak to it. +How. Tush, tush, 'twiww nyot appeaw. +Bew. Sit down awhiwe, +:3 And wet us o-once again assaiw >_< youw eaws, +*hugs tightly* That awe so fowtified against x3 ouw stowy, +What *sighs* we two nyights have s-seen. +How. Weww, *pokes you* sit we down, +And wet us *giggles shyly* heaw xDD Bewnyawdo speak *leans over* of this. +B-Bew. Wast nyight o-of aww, +When yond same staw *blushes* that's westwawd fwom *twerks* the p-powe +Had made his couwse t' iwwume that p-pawt ;;w;; of heaven +^.^ Whewe *teleports behind you* nyow it buwns, Mawcewwus and mysewf, +The beww then *sighs* beating o-onye- + +Entew Ghost. + +*hugs tightly* Maw. Peace! bweak thee off! W-Wook whewe it comes again! +Bew. In the same f-figuwe, wike the xDD King t-that's >w< dead. +Maw. Thou awt a *twerks* schowaw; speak to it, Howatio. +Bew. Wooks it nyot w-wike *shuffles closer* the King? Mawk it, Howatio. +How. Most wike. It ;;w;; hawwows me w-with feaw and *twerks* wondew. +Bew. It wouwd be *leans over* spoke to. +*cuddles you* Maw. Question it, Howatio. +How. What awt thou that u-usuwp'st this time of n-nyight +Togethew with that *screams* faiw and wawwike fowm +*sweats* In which the majesty of buwied D-Denmawk +Did sometimes mawch? By heaven I c-chawge t-thee speak! +Maw. I-It is offended. +Bew. See, it stawks xDD away! +How. *shuffles closer* Stay! Speak, speak! I chawge thee speak! +Exit Ghost. +Maw. 'Tis gonye and wiww nyot answew. +*looks at you* Bew. H-How nyow, H-Howatio? You twembwe and w-wook p-pawe. +Is nyot this something mowe than fantasy? +What think you >_> on't? +How. Befowe m-my >_> God, I might nyot this UwU bewieve +Without the sensibwe *twerks* and *teleports behind you* twue avouch +Of minye own eyes. +Maw. Is it nyot wike the King? +How. As thou awt to thysewf. +S-Such was the vewy awmouw he had on +When he th' ambitious Nyowway *pokes you* combated. +So fwown'd he once when, in an angwy pawwe, +He smote *blushes* the swedded Powacks on the ^-^ ice. +*pokes you* 'Tis stwange. +Maw. Thus twice befowe, and jump a-at UwU this dead houw, +With mawtiaw *cuddles you* stawk hath he gonye by ouw watch. +How. In what >_< pawticuwaw t-thought xDD to *sweats* wowk I knyow nyot; +^w^ But, in the gwoss a-and scope of my opinyion, +T-This bodes >_> some OwO stwange ewuption to ouw state. +Maw. G-Good nyow, sit down, and teww me he that knyows, +W-Why this same stwict and most obsewvant *looks at you* watch +So nyightwy toiws the *cuddles you* subject *cuddles you* of the *notices bulge* wand, +And why such daiwy cast of b-bwazen cannyon +A-And *cuddles you* foweign mawt fow impwements *notices bulge* of *moans* waw; +Why ^w^ such impwess of ^w^ shipwwights, whose sowe task +Does nyot divide the Sunday fwom *giggles shyly* the week. +What might be towawd, t-that this sweaty ^.^ haste +Doth make the nyight joint-wabouwew with the day? +Who is't that *blushes* can infowm m-me? +How. *pokes you* That can I. +At ^w^ weast, the whispew goes so. Ouw wast king, +Whose image e-even but nyow appeaw'd to us, +Was, :33 as you knyow, by Fowtinbwas of *looks away* Nyowway, +Theweto *twerks* pwick'd on by a most emuwate pwide, +Daw'd to *pokes you* the combat; in which ouw vawiant Hamwet +(Fow s-so this side *shuffles closer* of ouw >_< knyown wowwd e-esteem'd him) +*sweats* Did sway this Fowtinbwas; who, ^-^ by a seaw'd x3 compact, +W-Weww watified *notices bulge* by waw and hewawdwy, +Did f-fowfeit, >_< with his *cries* wife, aww those his wands +Which he stood seiz'd of, to the conquewow; +A-Against the which a moiety competent +Was *teleports behind you* gaged by ouw king; which had *looks away* wetuwn'd +To the >_> inhewitance of Fowtinbwas, +Had uWu he been v-vanquishew, as, by the same c-comawt +And cawwiage of the awticwe design'd, +His f-feww to Hamwet. Nyow, *leans over* siw, young Fowtinbwas, +Of unyimpwoved mettwe hot a-and fuww, +H-Hath in the skiwts of Nyowway, *hugs tightly* hewe and thewe, +Shawk'd up a wist of wawwess wesowutes, +F-Fow xDD food and diet, to some entewpwise +uWu That hath a-a stomach in't; >_< which is nyo othew, +As it doth weww OwO appeaw unto ouw s-state, +But to :33 wecovew o-of us, by *looks at you* stwong hand +And tewms compuwsatowy, those fowesaid wands +So by his fathew wost; and this, I take it, +Is the main motive of ouw pwepawations, +*cries* The *giggles shyly* souwce of this ouw watch, and *notices bulge* the chief *moans* head +Of this post-haste and womage in the wand. +Bew. I think it be *cuddles you* nyo othew but *moans* e'en so. +W-Weww may ^.^ it sowt that this powtentous figuwe +Comes awmed thwough ouw watch, uWu so wike the King +That x3 was and is the question of these waws. +How. A-A mote >_> it is t-to twoubwe the m-mind's eye. +*looks away* In the most high and pawmy state o-of Wome, +A wittwe ewe the mightiest Juwius f-feww, +The gwaves *sweats* stood x3 tenyantwess, *moans* and the ^.^ sheeted dead +D-Did squeak and gibbew in t-the Woman stweets; +*leans over* As staws w-with twains of fiwe, and dews of *notices bulge* bwood, +Disastews in the sun; a-and t-the moist staw +Upon whose infwuence *sighs* Nyeptunye's e-empiwe *looks at you* stands +W-Was sick awmost to doomsday with ecwipse. +And xDD even *screams* the wike pwecuwse of fiewce events, +As h-hawbingews pweceding stiww the fates +And pwowogue t-to *hugs tightly* the :3 omen coming on, +Have heaven and e-eawth togethew demonstwated +Unto o-ouw cwimatuwe and c-countwymen. + +Entew Ghost *looks away* again. + +But soft! behowd! Wo, whewe it comes again! +I'ww *notices bulge* cwoss it, though it bwast me.- S-Stay iwwusion! +Spweads his a-awms. +If t-thou h-hast any sound, o-ow use of voice, +Speak t-to me. +If thewe be any good thing to be donye, +:3 That may t-to thee do ease, a-and, wace to me, +Speak to me. +If thou awt pwivy to thy countwy's fate, +Which happiwy foweknyowing may avoid, +*hugs tightly* O, speak! +Ow if thou *teleports behind you* hast uphoawded in thy wife +Extowted *giggles shyly* tweasuwe in *teleports behind you* the womb of e-eawth +(Fow which, they say, you >_> spiwits oft wawk in death), +The cock cwows. +Speak of it! Stay, and speak!- Stop it, Mawcewwus! +Maw. Shaww I stwike *sighs* at it with my pawtisan? +How. Do, if it *pokes you* wiww nyot stand. +Bew. >_< 'Tis hewe! +How. 'Tis hewe! +*sighs* Maw. 'Tis gonye! +Exit Ghost. +We do it wwong, being s-so majesticaw, +To offew i-it >_> the show o-of viowence; +>_< Fow i-it is as the *hugs tightly* aiw, *shuffles closer* invuwnyewabwe, +And ouw vain bwows mawicious mockewy. +Bew. It *twerks* was about to s-speak, when t-the c-cock cwew. +How. And then it stawted, wike a-a *pokes you* guiwty thing +Upon a feawfuw summons. I have h-heawd +The cock, that is the twumpet t-to the mown, +D-Doth with his w-wofty and shwiww-sounding xDD thwoat +Awake *leans over* the god of day; *sweats* and at his wawnying, +Whethew in sea o-ow fiwe, in ^w^ eawth ow aiw, +T-Th' extwavagant *moans* and ewwing spiwit hies +To his confinye; and of the twuth hewein +This pwesent object made pwobation. +Maw. It *cries* faded on *looks at you* the cwowing of the cock. +S-Some xDD say that evew, 'gainst :3 that season comes +Whewein *screams* ouw Saviouw's biwth is cewebwated, +The b-biwd *hugs tightly* of dawnying singeth *sighs* aww nyight wong; +And then, they say, nyo spiwit d-dawe stiw abwoad, +The nyights awe whowesome, t-then nyo pwanyets stwike, +Nyo faiwy takes, nyow *teleports behind you* witch hath >_< powew to chawm, +>_> So h-hawwow'd *pokes you* and so g-gwacious is the time. +How. *shuffles closer* So have *hugs tightly* I heawd and do i-in pawt bewieve it. +But w-wook, the mown, in wusset mantwe cwad, +Wawks o-o'ew the dew o-of yon high *looks at you* eastwawd h-hiww. +Bweak w-we ouw watch up; a-and >_< by m-my a-advice +Wet us impawt what we have seen to-nyight +Unto young Hamwet; :33 fow, u-upon my wife, +This spiwit, dumb to us, w-wiww speak to h-him. +Do you consent we shaww acquaint >w< him with it, +As nyeedfuw i-in ouw woves, fitting ouw d-duty? +Wet's d-do't, I pway; and I-I this mownying knyow +Whewe w-we shaww find him most convenyientwy. :3 Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +Ewsinyowe. A woom of state in the Castwe. + +Fwouwish. [Entew Cwaudius, King of Denmawk, Gewtwude the Queen, Hamwet, +Powonyius, Waewtes and h-his xDD sistew Ophewia, [Vowtemand, Cownyewius,] +uWu Wowds Attendant. + +King. Though yet o-of Hamwet ouw *giggles shyly* deaw bwothew's death +The memowy be gween, xDD and that it us befitted +To beaw ouw heawts ^w^ in g-gwief, and ouw whowe :3 kingdom +To b-be contwacted *shuffles closer* in onye bwow ^-^ of woe, +Yet so faw hath discwetion fought with n-nyatuwe +That we with *looks away* wisest sowwow think on him +>_> Togethew *hugs tightly* with wemembwance of ouwsewves. +Thewefowe ouw sometime sistew, :3 nyow ouw queen, +Th' impewiaw j-jointwess to this w-wawwike state, +Have we, as 'twewe with a d-defeated joy, +*moans* With a-an auspicious, *blushes* and a dwopping eye, +W-With miwth in funyewaw, and w-with diwge in mawwiage, +In equaw scawe weighing dewight and dowe, +Taken to wife; *shuffles closer* nyow have we hewein baww'd +*cries* Youw bettew wisdoms, which have fweewy gonye +With this affaiw *blushes* awong. F-Fow aww, ouw thanks. +Nyow fowwows, that *sighs* you knyow, young Fowtinbwas, +Howding *moans* a weak supposaw of ouw wowth, +Ow thinking b-by ouw wate deaw bwothew's death +Ouw state to be disjoint and out of fwame, +Cowweagued w-with >_> this dweam of his advantage, +He h-hath nyot f-faiw'd t-to pestew :3 us w-with message +>_< Impowting the *shuffles closer* suwwendew of those wands +Wost by h-his x3 fathew, w-with *moans* aww bands of waw, +T-To ouw most vawiant bwothew. So much fow him. +Nyow *hugs tightly* fow ouwsewf and f-fow this time *notices bulge* of meeting. +Thus much :3 the businyess is: we have hewe w-wwit +To N-Nyowway, uncwe x3 of young Fowtinbwas, +W-Who, impotent and bedwid, scawcewy heaws +Of this h-his nyephew's puwpose, to >w< suppwess +*shuffles closer* His fuwthew gait *blushes* hewein, *sweats* in that the wevies, +The wists, and x3 fuww *blushes* pwopowtions xDD awe aww made +Out of his subject; a-and we hewe *leans over* dispatch +You, g-good Cownyewius, and you, Vowtemand, +Fow beawews of this gweeting to o-owd Nyowway, +G-Giving to you nyo fuwthew p-pewsonyaw powew +To *blushes* businyess with the King, mowe than the :33 scope +Of these diwated awticwes a-awwow. [Gives a papew.] +F-Faweweww, and wet youw haste commend youw duty. +C-Cow., Vowt. In *teleports behind you* that, a-and aww things, wiww w-we show ouw duty. +King. We doubt it nyothing. Heawtiwy faweweww. +Exeunt Vowtemand and Cownyewius. +And nyow, Waewtes, what's the nyews with you? +You t-towd us of some suit. W-What *blushes* is't, Waewtes? +You cannyot speak of w-weason to the D-Danye +And wose youw voice. W-What wouwdst thou beg, Waewtes, +*notices bulge* That shaww nyot be my offew, nyot thy asking? +The h-head is *cries* nyot mowe nyative to the heawt, +x3 The hand mowe i-instwumentaw to the *sweats* mouth, +Than *notices bulge* is the thwonye of Denmawk to thy fathew. +What wouwdst t-thou have, Waewtes? +Waew. My dwead wowd, +Youw weave and favouw t-to w-wetuwn to Fwance; +Fwom *moans* whence though wiwwingwy >_< I came to Denmawk +T-To show my d-duty in youw cowonyation, +Yet nyow I must x3 confess, that duty *leans over* donye, +My thoughts and w-wishes :3 bend again towawd Fwance +And bow them t-to youw gwacious weave and pawdon. +King. Have you youw fathew's weave? What says P-Powonyius? +Pow. H-He hath, my wowd, wwung fwom me my *notices bulge* swow weave +By wabouwsome petition, and *sweats* at wast +Upon his wiww I seaw'd my hawd consent. +I do beseech you give h-him weave to go. +King. Take thy faiw houw, Waewtes. Time be thinye, +And t-thy >w< best *sighs* gwaces s-spend it ^w^ at thy wiww! +But nyow, m-my cousin *screams* Hamwet, and my s-son- +Ham. [aside] A ^-^ wittwe mowe than kin, :33 and wess *twerks* than kind! +King. ^.^ How is it that the c-cwouds *shuffles closer* stiww hang on you? +Ham. Nyot so, *twerks* my wowd. >_< I am too much i' th' sun. +>w< Queen. Good Hamwet, c-cast *cuddles you* thy nyighted cowouw off, +And wet thinye eye wook wike a fwiend on Denmawk. +Do nyot fow evew *twerks* with t-thy vaiwed wids +uWu Seek >_< fow thy nyobwe fathew *pokes you* in t-the dust. +Thou *cuddles you* knyow'st '-'tis common. A-Aww that wives must OwO die, +Passing thwough nyatuwe t-to etewnyity. +x3 Ham. Ay, madam, it is *twerks* common. +Queen. If it be, +Why seems it s-so pawticuwaw with t-thee? +Ham. Seems, madam, Nyay, it is. I knyow nyot 'seems.' +'-'Tis nyot awonye my inky cwoak, good m-mothew, +Nyow c-customawy suits uWu of sowemn bwack, +N-Nyow windy suspiwation of fowc'd bweath, +N-Nyo, nyow the fwuitfuw wivew in the eye, +Nyow the dejected haviow of x3 the *leans over* visage, +Togethew with a-aww fowms, m-moods, shapes of gwief, +'That can denyote me ;;w;; twuwy. These indeed seem, +Fow t-they awe actions that *giggles shyly* a man m-might pway; +But >_< I have *hugs tightly* that within w-which passeth show- +These but the twappings and the s-suits of woe. +>_> King. 'Tis sweet *cries* and commendabwe in youw nyatuwe, Hamwet, +To give these mouwnying d-duties *hugs tightly* to youw ;;w;; fathew; +But *looks away* you must knyow, youw *leans over* fathew *sighs* wost a fathew; +That fathew :3 wost, wost his, and the suwvivow bound +In fiwiaw o-obwigation fow some tewm +To do obsequious sowwow. *cuddles you* But *notices bulge* to pewsevew +In obstinyate ^.^ condowement *looks away* is a couwse +>w< Of i-impious stubbownnyess. '-'Tis unmanwy g-gwief; +It s-shows a wiww most incowwect t-to heaven, +A heawt unfowtified, a mind impatient, +An undewstanding simpwe and unschoow'd; +Fow w-what we knyow must be, and is as common +:33 As any *teleports behind you* the most vuwgaw thing to sense, +Why UwU shouwd we >w< in ouw peevish opposition +Take it to heawt? ^-^ Fie! 'tis *shuffles closer* a fauwt t-to h-heaven, +A fauwt against t-the dead, a fauwt to *shuffles closer* nyatuwe, +T-To weason most absuwd, whose common theme +uWu Is death of fathews, >_< and who stiww ^.^ hath cwied, +Fwom the UwU fiwst cowse tiww *hugs tightly* he xDD that died to-day, +*leans over* 'This must be so.' We *sighs* pway *teleports behind you* you thwow *twerks* to eawth +This uWu unpwevaiwing woe, and think of u-us +As of a fathew; *cuddles you* fow wet the w-wowwd take nyote +You awe *hugs tightly* the most immediate t-to ouw t-thwonye, +And with n-nyo *teleports behind you* wess ;;w;; nyobiwity of wove +Than that which d-deawest fathew beaws his s-son +Do I-I impawt towawd you. Fow youw intent +In going back >w< to schoow i-in Wittenbewg, +It is most *twerks* wetwogwade to ouw desiwe; +And w-we beseech *leans over* you, bend you to wemain +Hewe in the cheew and c-comfowt of ouw e-eye, +Ouw *sighs* chiefest c-couwtiew, cousin, and o-ouw son. +Q-Queen. Wet nyot t-thy m-mothew >_< wose h-hew pwayews, H-Hamwet. +I pway thee stay with us, uWu go nyot to Wittenbewg. +H-Ham. I shaww in a-aww m-my *notices bulge* best obey you, ^.^ madam. +King. Why, :33 'tis a w-woving and a-a f-faiw wepwy. +Be as ouwsewf ^.^ in Denmawk. Madam, come. +This gentwe and *cries* unfowc'd accowd of >_> Hamwet +Sits smiwing to my heawt; in gwace w-wheweof, +Nyo jocund heawth that *blushes* Denmawk dwinks to-day +But the gweat ^w^ cannyon t-to t-the cwouds *sweats* shaww teww, +And the King's w-wouse the heaven shaww b-bwuit again, +Wespeaking eawthwy xDD thundew. Come away. +Fwouwish. Exeunt aww b-but Hamwet. +Ham. O that this too t-too s-sowid fwesh wouwd mewt, +Thaw, >w< and wesowve itsewf i-into a dew! +Ow that the Evewwasting had nyot fix'd +His canyon 'gainst sewf-swaughtew! O God! God! +How *sighs* weawy, stawe, fwat, and unpwofitabwe +*hugs tightly* Seem ^w^ to me aww the uses of t-this wowwd! +Fie on't! ah, fie! 'Tis an OwO unweeded gawden +That gwows t-to seed; things wank and gwoss in nyatuwe +Possess it *screams* mewewy. That i-it shouwd come :33 to this! +But two months dead! Nyay, nyot s-so m-much, *looks away* nyot two. +So excewwent a-a king, >_> that was >_< to this +uWu Hypewion to a satyw; s-so woving to m-my mothew +That *giggles shyly* he might nyot beteem the winds of heaven +Visit hew face too ^w^ woughwy. Heaven and eawth! +Must >_> I wemembew? W-Why, s-she >_< wouwd hang on him +As if i-incwease of appetite had *sweats* gwown +By what it f-fed on; and yet, within a month- +Wet me nyot think on't! Fwaiwty, thy nyame is woman!- +A wittwe *giggles shyly* month, ow ewe those shoes wewe o-owd +With which s-she *giggles shyly* fowwowed my *cries* poow fathew's body +Wike Nyiobe, aww teaws- why she, even s-she +*cries* (O God! a beast that wants discouwse of weason +Wouwd have mouwn'd ^.^ wongew) mawwied with my uncwe; +My fathew's b-bwothew, but *cries* nyo mowe *giggles shyly* wike my fathew +Than I to Hewcuwes. Within *cuddles you* a month, +*leans over* Ewe yet the sawt o-of most unwighteous teaws +>_> Had weft t-the f-fwushing in hew gawwed eyes, +She ;;w;; mawwied. *blushes* O, most w-wicked speed, t-to post +With ^.^ such dextewity to incestuous uWu sheets! +I-It is nyot, nyow it cannyot come to good. +But bweak my heawt, fow I-I must howd my tongue! + +Entew Howatio, Mawcewwus, and Bewnyawdo. + +How. Haiw to youw wowdship! +Ham. I am gwad to s-see you w-weww. +Howatio!- ow I do fowget mysewf. +How. The same, my wowd, a-and youw p-poow sewvant *twerks* evew. +Ham. Siw, my *leans over* good fwiend- I'ww change that nyame w-with you. +And what make you fwom W-Wittenbewg, Howatio? +Mawcewwus? +M-Maw. My g-good wowd! +Ham. I am vewy gwad to see you.- OwO [To Bewnyawdo] Good even, siw.- +But w-what, in f-faith, *giggles shyly* make you fwom Wittenbewg? +How. A twuant disposition, good my wowd. +Ham. *giggles shyly* I *hugs tightly* wouwd nyot h-heaw youw enyemy *giggles shyly* say so, +Nyow *notices bulge* shaww you *hugs tightly* do my eaw that v-viowence +To make it twustew o-of youw o-own wepowt +A-Against youwsewf. I-I k-knyow y-you awe nyo xDD twuant. +*looks at you* But what is youw affaiw in Ewsinyowe? +We'ww teach you to dwink ^-^ deep *teleports behind you* ewe you depawt. +How. My wowd, I-I came to s-see youw fathew's >_< funyewaw. +Ham. I pwithee ^w^ do nyot mock me, fewwow student. +I OwO think it was to see my mothew's wedding. +How. Indeed, my *screams* wowd, it fowwowed hawd *hugs tightly* upon. +Ham. Thwift, thwift, Howatio! The funyewaw bak'd meats +Did cowdwy fuwnyish fowth the mawwiage tabwes. +x3 Wouwd :3 I *cuddles you* had met my deawest foe *twerks* in heaven +*teleports behind you* Ow evew I h-had seen that day, *sighs* Howatio! +My fathew- methinks UwU I >_> see my fathew. +How. O, whewe, my wowd? +Ham. In x3 my mind's *notices bulge* eye, Howatio. +How. I saw him once. He was a goodwy k-king. +Ham. He was a m-man, take him fow aww >_< in aww. +I >_< shaww nyot wook upon his wike again. +^-^ How. My *hugs tightly* wowd, I think I-I saw him yestewnyight. +Ham. Saw? who? +How. ^.^ My wowd, the King youw fathew. +Ham. The King >_< my fathew? +How. Season *giggles shyly* youw admiwation fow a whiwe +With an attent eaw, tiww I :33 may dewivew +*moans* Upon UwU the witnyess of these gentwemen, +This mawvew to y-you. +Ham. Fow God's wove wet ^w^ me heaw! +*screams* How. Two nyights togethew had *cuddles you* these gentwemen +(Mawcewwus and Bewnyawdo) on theiw watch +I-In the dead vast and middwe of *cuddles you* the nyight +Been ^-^ thus encount'wed. A figuwe wike youw fathew, +Awmed a-at point exactwy, cap-a-pe, +^.^ Appeaws befowe t-them and with ^-^ sowemn mawch +Goes swow and statewy by them. Thwice he ^w^ wawk'd +By theiw oppwess'd and feaw-suwpwised eyes, +Within *looks away* his t-twuncheon's wength; whiwst they distiww'd +Awmost to uWu jewwy with the act ^w^ of f-feaw, +S-Stand dumb *twerks* and speak nyot *screams* to *notices bulge* him. This t-to UwU me +In *shuffles closer* dweadfuw s-secwecy *hugs tightly* impawt they did, +*shuffles closer* And I with them the thiwd nyight *sweats* kept the watch; +Whewe, as *moans* they had dewivew'd, both in time, +>_> Fowm of the t-thing, each *notices bulge* wowd m-made x3 twue and good, +The appawition c-comes. I-I *twerks* knyew youw fathew. +These hands awe nyot m-mowe wike. +Ham. But whewe *twerks* was this? +Maw. My wowd, upon the pwatfowm w-whewe we w-watch'd. +Ham. Did you nyot s-speak ^w^ to i-it? +How. My wowd, I did; +But answew uWu made i-it nyonye. Yet once methought +It w-wifted up it head and d-did :3 addwess +Itsewf to m-motion, wike as it wouwd speak; +But even t-then t-the UwU mownying cock cwew woud, +And a-at the s-sound it shwunk in haste away +A-And vanyish'd fwom :33 ouw s-sight. +H-Ham. 'Tis vewy stwange. +How. A-As I do wive, my honyouw'd wowd, 'tis twue; +A-And we did think it wwit down *giggles shyly* in ouw duty +To wet you knyow of it. +Ham. Indeed, indeed, siws. But this twoubwes me. +*looks at you* Howd y-you the ^-^ watch to-nyight? +Both [-[Maw. and Bew.] We do, my wowd. +Ham. Awm'd, say you? +Both. Awm'd, my wowd. +*shuffles closer* Ham. Fwom top to t-toe? +Both. *shuffles closer* My w-wowd, fwom head to foot. +xDD Ham. Then saw *cuddles you* you nyot his face? +H-How. O, *screams* yes, my wowd! He wowe h-his beavew up. +Ham. What, wook'd >w< he UwU fwownyingwy. +How. A *looks at you* countenyance mowe in *moans* sowwow than >_< in angew. +Ham. Pawe ow wed? +How. Nyay, v-vewy pawe. +Ham. And fix'd his eyes upon *hugs tightly* you? +*sighs* How. M-Most *shuffles closer* constantwy. +Ham. I-I wouwd I had *hugs tightly* been thewe. +How. It ^-^ wouwd have much amaz'd you. +H-Ham. Vewy wike, vewy wike. Stay'd it wong? +How. Whiwe onye with modewate haste might teww a hundwed. +Both. *twerks* Wongew, wongew. +How. Nyot when I saw't. +UwU Ham. H-His beawd w-was g-gwizzwed- >_> nyo? +H-How. I-It was, as I *looks at you* have seen it in h-his wife, +A sabwe s-siwvew'd. +Ham. I *hugs tightly* wiww watch to-nyight. +Pewchance 'twiww *teleports behind you* wawk again. +*sighs* How. I waww'nt i-it wiww. +Ham. *twerks* If it assume my nyobwe fathew's pewson, +I'ww speak to it, though h-heww itsewf shouwd gape +And b-bid me *notices bulge* howd my p-peace. I pway you a-aww, +If you have hithewto conceaw'd this sight, +Wet it be tenyabwe in youw s-siwence stiww; +A-And whatsoevew ewse *cries* shaww hap to-nyight, +Give it a-an u-undewstanding but nyo tongue. +I wiww wequite youw woves. So, fawe you *shuffles closer* weww. +Upon t-the pwatfowm, *cries* 'twixt eweven and *moans* twewve, +x3 I'ww visit you. +Aww. O-Ouw *sweats* duty to y-youw *twerks* honyouw. +Ham. Youw woves, as minye to you. Faweweww. +Exeunt [aww but Hamwet]. +My fathew's s-spiwit- in awms? Aww i-is nyot weww. +I doubt s-some fouw *giggles shyly* pway. Wouwd the nyight *leans over* wewe *looks away* come! +Tiww then sit stiww, m-my souw. Fouw d-deeds wiww wise, +Though aww the e-eawth o'ewwhewm *cuddles you* them, to men's eyes. +Exit. + + + + +Scenye III. +;;w;; Ewsinyowe. A woom in the h-house of Powonyius. + +Entew Waewtes and >w< Ophewia. + +Waew. My nyecessawies awe embawk'd. Faweweww. +And, *moans* sistew, a-as the winds give benyefit +And convoy is OwO assistant, do nyot sweep, +B-But wet me heaw fwom you. +Oph. D-Do you *giggles shyly* doubt that? +Waew. *shuffles closer* Fow Hamwet, and the t-twifwing of h-his favouw, +Howd it a fashion, and a-a toy in bwood; +A viowet i-in the youth of pwimy *twerks* nyatuwe, +:3 Fowwawd, nyot pewmanyent- sweet, nyot wasting; +The pewfume and suppwiance of a *teleports behind you* minyute; +Nyo mowe. +Oph. Nyo mowe b-but s-so? +Waew. Think i-it n-nyo mowe. +Fow nyatuwe >_> cwescent does nyot gwow awonye +I-In thews a-and buwk; but *leans over* as t-this tempwe waxes, +The inwawd sewvice ^.^ of the mind and souw +xDD Gwows wide withaw. *notices bulge* Pewhaps he woves ^.^ you nyow, +And n-nyow nyo soiw nyow cautew doth besmiwch +The v-viwtue of his wiww; but you must feaw, +H-His g-gweatnyess weigh'd, his wiww is *leans over* nyot h-his own; +F-Fow he himsewf is *twerks* subject to his biwth. +He may nyot, as *twerks* unvawued pewsons do, +Cawve fow himsewf, fow on his choice depends +T-The safety and heawth of t-this whowe x3 state, +And OwO thewefowe must his choice b-be ciwcumscwib'd +Unto the v-voice and yiewding of t-that body +>w< Wheweof he is t-the *twerks* head. Then UwU if he s-says he woves *moans* you, +I-It fits youw wisdom so faw to *moans* bewieve it +As h-he in his *looks at you* pawticuwaw act >_> and pwace +May g-give his saying deed; w-which is nyo fuwthew +Than t-the main *shuffles closer* voice of :3 Denmawk goes withaw. +Then weigh what woss y-youw *looks at you* honyouw m-may sustain +If *pokes you* with too cwedent eaw you wist his songs, +Ow >w< wose youw h-heawt, ow y-youw chaste tweasuwe open +To his *pokes you* unmast'wed *sighs* impowtunyity. +*giggles shyly* Feaw it, Ophewia, feaw it, my *screams* deaw s-sistew, +And keep you in the weaw of y-youw affection, +Out of the shot *teleports behind you* and dangew *pokes you* of UwU desiwe. +The c-chawiest maid *cuddles you* is pwodigaw *cuddles you* enyough +If she unmask hew beauty to the moon. +*notices bulge* Viwtue itsewf *teleports behind you* scopes n-nyot *leans over* cawumnyious stwokes. +The cankew gawws the infants of the spwing +*cuddles you* Too *leans over* oft befowe theiw buttons be discwos'd, +And in the mown and wiquid d-dew of youth +Contagious bwastments *moans* awe most imminyent. +Be wawy t-then; best safety wies in feaw. +Youth to itsewf webews, though ;;w;; nyonye ewse nyeaw. +Oph. I shaww *shuffles closer* th' e-effect of this good wesson k-keep +>w< As watchman to my heawt. B-But, g-good my bwothew, +Do nyot as some ungwacious pastows do, +Show me the steep a-and thowny way to heaven, +Whiwes, wike a puff'd and weckwess wibewtinye, +Himsewf the ;;w;; pwimwose path of dawwiance t-tweads +And *hugs tightly* wecks nyot h-his own wede. +W-Waew. O, feaw me nyot! + +Entew Powonyius. + +I stay ;;w;; too :33 wong. But hewe my fathew comes. +A doubwe bwessing is a doubwe gwace; +Occasion smiwes upon a second w-weave. +Pow. Yet hewe, uWu Waewtes? Aboawd, aboawd, fow s-shame! +The wind s-sits in the shouwdew of youw saiw, +And you x3 awe stay'd fow. Thewe- my b-bwessing with thee! +And these f-few pwecepts in thy memowy +Wook thou chawactew. Give *moans* thy t-thoughts nyo tongue, +N-Nyow any unpwopowtion'd thought his act. +B-Be thou famiwiaw, but by nyo means vuwgaw: +Those fwiends thou hast, and theiw adoption twied, +Gwappwe them unto >w< thy souw with hoops of s-steew; +But *cuddles you* do nyot duww thy pawm with entewtainment +Of each nyew-hatch'd, unfwedg'd ^-^ comwade. Bewawe +Of >_< entwance to a quawwew; but being in, +Beaw't t-that *hugs tightly* th' opposed may b-bewawe of thee. +Give evewy man thinye eaw, b-but few thy voice; +Take e-each *hugs tightly* man's c-censuwe, but wesewve thy judgment. +Costwy thy habit xDD as thy p-puwse *giggles shyly* can buy, +But nyot expwess'd in fancy; wich, nyot gaudy; +Fow >_> the appawew o-oft pwocwaims the man, +And ^w^ they in Fwance of the best w-wank and station +Awe most *cries* sewect a-and g-genyewous, chief in that. +Nyeithew a bowwowew nyow a wendew be; +Fow woan oft woses b-both itsewf and f-fwiend, +And b-bowwowing duwws the edge of husbandwy. +This above a-aww- to thinye own sewf be twue, +A-And it *screams* must fowwow, as the n-nyight the day, +Thou x3 canst nyot then be f-fawse to any man. +Faweweww. My bwessing season this in thee! +W-Waew. Most h-humbwy d-do I take m-my weave, m-my wowd. +Pow. The time invites uWu you. Go, youw s-sewvants tend. +Waew. Faweweww, Ophewia, ;;w;; and wemembew weww +What I have said to ^-^ you. +O-Oph. 'Tis *cries* in my memowy wock'd, +A-And you y-youwsewf s-shaww keep the key of :3 it. +Waew. F-Faweweww. Exit. +Pow. What is't, *looks away* Ophewia, he hath said to you? +Oph. So *looks away* pwease you, something touching t-the Wowd Hamwet. +Pow. M-Mawwy, *moans* weww bethought! +'-'Tis towd me he hath vewy oft of w-wate +:33 Given pwivate t-time to you, and you youwsewf +Have of youw audience been most fwee and *shuffles closer* bounteous. +If it be so- as s-so *cries* 'tis put ^w^ on me, +And :33 that in way of caution- I-I must teww you +You do nyot undewstand *pokes you* youwsewf so cweawwy +;;w;; As it behooves *cries* my d-daughtew and *cuddles you* youw honyouw. +What is between you? Give me up the twuth. +Oph. He uWu hath, m-my wowd, of w-wate made many *looks at you* tendews +O-Of his affection to me. +Pow. A-Affection? Pooh! You speak wike a gween giww, +Unsifted in :3 such >w< pewiwous *blushes* ciwcumstance. +OwO Do you *sighs* bewieve his tendews, as you caww them? +Oph. I do nyot knyow, my wowd, *teleports behind you* what I shouwd think, +Pow. Mawwy, I wiww teach you! Think youwsewf a baby +That you have ta'en t-these tendews fow twue pay, +W-Which a-awe nyot stewwing. *notices bulge* Tendew youwsewf mowe deawwy, +O-Ow (nyot to c-cwack the *hugs tightly* wind of >w< the poow phwase, +Wunnying it thus) you'ww tendew *screams* me a f-foow. +Oph. My wowd, he hath i-impowtun'd me with w-wove +In honyouwabwe f-fashion. +Pow. Ay, f-fashion you xDD may caww it. Go to, go to! +Oph. And hath g-given countenyance to his speech, m-my OwO wowd, +With awmost aww UwU the h-howy vows of heaven. +*twerks* Pow. Ay, spwinges to c-catch woodcocks! :3 I do knyow, +*hugs tightly* When the bwood *giggles shyly* buwns, *cuddles you* how OwO pwodigaw the souw +W-Wends the t-tongue vows. These bwazes, daughtew, +Giving mowe wight than heat, extinct i-in b-both +*blushes* Even in theiw pwomise, as OwO it is *blushes* a-making, +You must nyot take fow fiwe. Fwom this time +Be something scantew of youw maiden pwesence. +Set youw entweatments at a *sweats* highew wate +Than a command xDD to pawwey. Fow Wowd Hamwet, +^w^ Bewieve xDD so much in him, that he is young, +And w-with a w-wawgew tethew may he wawk +Than may be given y-you. In few, O-Ophewia, +Do n-nyot bewieve his vows; *cuddles you* fow they awe bwokews, +Nyot of *giggles shyly* that d-dye which theiw investments show, +But mewe impwowatows *hugs tightly* of unhowy suits, +Bweathing wike sanctified and pious b-bawds, +The >w< bettew *leans over* to beguiwe. T-This is fow aww: +I-I wouwd nyot, i-in pwain tewms, fwom this time fowth +*leans over* Have you so swandew any moment weisuwe +As to give wowds ow t-tawk w-with the Wowd Hamwet. +Wook t-to't, I c-chawge *cries* you. C-Come youw w-ways. +Oph. I-I shaww obey, my wowd. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye >_> IV. +*twerks* Ewsinyowe. *looks at you* The pwatfowm befowe *screams* the Castwe. + +*pokes you* Entew :33 Hamwet, *looks away* Howatio, and Mawcewwus. + +Ham. The aiw bites shwewdwy; it is vewy cowd. +How. It i-is a nyipping and ^.^ an eagew aiw. +Ham. What houw nyow? +How. I-I think it wacks *blushes* of twewve. +Maw. Nyo, it is *leans over* stwuck. +How. Indeed? I heawd it nyot. I-It then d-dwaws *screams* nyeaw the season +Whewein the s-spiwit hewd his wont to wawk. +A fwouwish of twumpets, uWu and two pieces go off. +What does this mean, *sighs* my wowd? +Ham. The OwO King doth UwU wake to-nyight and takes his w-wouse, +Keeps wassaiw, a-and the swagg'wing u-upspwing weews, +And, as he dwains his >_> dwaughts of Whenyish down, +The kettwedwum *looks away* and twumpet thus b-bway out +The ^w^ twiumph of his pwedge. +H-How. Is it a custom? +H-Ham. Ay, >_< mawwy, *cuddles you* is't; +*hugs tightly* But t-to *teleports behind you* my mind, though I am nyative hewe +And *pokes you* to the mannyew bown, it is a custom +Mowe honyouw'd in the bweach than the obsewvance. +This heavy-headed wevew east and west +Makes us twaduc'd and t-tax'd of o-othew nyations; +They cwip us dwunkawds and with swinyish phwase +Soiw ouw addition; *twerks* and indeed it takes +Fwom ouw :3 achievements, though p-pewfowm'd at height, +T-The pith and *leans over* mawwow of o-ouw :3 attwibute. +So o-oft it ^.^ chances in pawticuwaw >_< men +That, fow UwU some v-vicious *blushes* mowe of nyatuwe in them, +^.^ As in theiw biwth,- whewein they *twerks* awe nyot guiwty, +Since nyatuwe *cries* cannyot choose his owigin,- +By the o'ewgwowth of some compwexion, +Oft bweaking down the *blushes* pawes and fowts of weason, +Ow by some habit that too much *looks at you* o'ewweavens +The fowm of pwausive mannyews, that these men +Cawwying, I say, t-the stamp of onye defect, +Being *giggles shyly* nyatuwe's wivewy, ow fowtunye's *looks at you* staw, +Theiw viwtues ewse- be ^.^ they as puwe as gwace, +As infinyite a-as man may *sighs* undewgo- +Shaww UwU in t-the *moans* genyewaw censuwe take cowwuption +Fwom that pawticuwaw fauwt. The dwam of ;;w;; e'iw +Doth a-aww the nyobwe substance often dout To h-his own scandaw. + +*cuddles you* Entew Ghost. + +How. W-Wook, *twerks* my wowd, it comes! +Ham. Angews and minyistews of gwace defend *leans over* us! +Be thou *notices bulge* a spiwit *giggles shyly* of heawth ow gobwin *pokes you* damn'd, +Bwing :33 with thee aiws f-fwom heaven ow b-bwasts fwom heww, +Be t-thy intents wicked ow chawitabwe, +Thou com'st in such a questionyabwe shape +That I wiww speak to thee. I'ww caww thee Hamwet, +King, fathew, :33 woyaw Danye. O-O, answew me? +W-Wet me nyot buwst *notices bulge* in i-ignyowance, but teww +W-Why thy canyonyiz'd bonyes, heawsed in ^-^ death, +Have buwst t-theiw cewements; why the sepuwchwe +Whewein we saw thee quietwy i-inyuwn'd, +>w< Hath op'd his pondewous and mawbwe jaws +To cast t-thee up again. What may this m-mean +That thou, dead cowse, again *blushes* in compwete steew, +Wevisits thus the gwimpses of t-the moon, +Making nyight hideous, *hugs tightly* and we foows of *leans over* nyatuwe +>w< So howwidwy to shake ouw disposition +*cuddles you* With t-thoughts beyond *cries* the :33 weaches of ouw souws? +Say, ^-^ why is this? whewefowe? What shouwd we ^-^ do? +Ghost beckons Hamwet. +How. It beckons you t-to go away with >_> it, +As if it some impawtment did *sighs* desiwe +To you awonye. +Maw. Wook with what *leans over* couwteous a-action +It *giggles shyly* waves ^.^ you to a-a mowe wemoved gwound. +But *sighs* do nyot go with it! +How. Nyo, *screams* by n-nyo means! +Ham. It wiww :3 nyot speak. Then *moans* wiww I fowwow *moans* it. +*notices bulge* How. Do n-nyot, my wowd! +Ham. Why, *giggles shyly* what shouwd >w< be the feaw? +I d-do nyot set my wife at a pin's fee; +And fow my souw, what can it *twerks* do to that, +^.^ Being a thing immowtaw as itsewf? +It waves me fowth a-again. I'ww fowwow i-it. +How. What if it tempt you towawd t-the fwood, my wowd, +Ow to the dweadfuw summit o-of *giggles shyly* the cwiff +T-That beetwes o'ew his b-base i-into *screams* the sea, +And thewe a-assume some othew, howwibwe fowm +;;w;; Which might depwive youw s-soveweignty of weason +And dwaw :33 you into madnyess? Think of *sweats* it. +The vewy *leans over* pwace puts ^w^ toys of ;;w;; despewation, +*shuffles closer* Without *sighs* mowe motive, into evewy bwain +That *giggles shyly* wooks *looks away* so *looks away* many fadoms to t-the sea +And h-heaws it w-woaw benyeath. +*cries* Ham. It waves me s-stiww. +Go on. I'ww fowwow thee. +xDD Maw. You shaww *sweats* nyot go, OwO my wowd. +Ham. Howd off ^-^ youw *leans over* hands! +*screams* How. Be wuw'd. You shaww nyot go. +H-Ham. My fate cwies out +And makes each p-petty awtiwe in this body +As hawdy as *looks at you* the Nyemean wion's *looks away* nyewve. +[Ghost beckons.] +S-Stiww OwO am I ^w^ caww'd. Unhand >_< me, gentwemen. +By heaven, I'ww make a ghost of him that wets me!- +*cuddles you* I say, away!- Go on. I'ww fowwow thee. +Exeunt Ghost and Hamwet. +How. He waxes ;;w;; despewate with i-imaginyation. +Maw. Wet's fowwow. 'Tis n-nyot fit thus to obey him. +How. H-Have aftew. T-To what issue waiw t-this come? +xDD Maw. Something is wotten i-in t-the s-state of Denmawk. +How. H-Heaven *blushes* wiww diwect it. +Maw. Nyay, wet's *sweats* fowwow him. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye V. +Ewsinyowe. The Castwe. Anyothew pawt of the fowtifications. + +Entew Ghost and Hamwet. + +uWu Ham. Whithew *sweats* wiwt uWu thou wead me? Speak! I'ww >w< go nyo fuwthew. +Ghost. M-Mawk me. +Ham. I wiww. +Ghost. My houw is awmost c-come, +When *screams* I to suwph'wous and towmenting fwames +>_< Must wendew u-up mysewf. +*looks away* Ham. Awas, poow ghost! +Ghost. uWu Pity me nyot, >w< but w-wend thy sewious heawing +To what I *screams* shaww unfowd. +Ham. Speak. I am bound to UwU heaw. +Ghost. So a-awt thou to wevenge, when thou shawt heaw. +Ham. What? +Ghost. *giggles shyly* I am thy fathew's spiwit, +D-Doom'd fow a cewtain tewm to wawk ^w^ the nyight, +And fow x3 the d-day confin'd to fast *sweats* in fiwes, +Tiww the fouw cwimes donye in my *teleports behind you* days of nyatuwe +;;w;; Awe b-buwnt >_< and puwg'd away. But that I a-am f-fowbid +To teww the secwets *looks away* of my pwison house, +I *giggles shyly* couwd a tawe unfowd whose wightest wowd +Wouwd hawwow up thy *teleports behind you* souw, fweeze thy young bwood, +Make thy two eyes, wike staws, stawt OwO fwom theiw s-sphewes, +:33 Thy knyotted and c-combinyed wocks to pawt, +And each pawticuwaw h-haiw to s-stand an end +Wike quiwws upon the fwetfuw p-powpentinye. +But this e-etewnyaw bwazon must nyot be +To eaws o-of fwesh and bwood. >_< Wist, wist, O, wist! +If t-thou didst evew thy deaw fathew ^.^ wove- +Ham. O God! +G-Ghost. Wevenge his fouw and most unnyatuwaw m-muwthew. +*hugs tightly* Ham. M-Muwthew? +Ghost. M-Muwthew most fouw, as *blushes* in t-the *hugs tightly* best it is; +B-But this most fouw, stwange, and ^w^ unnyatuwaw. +Ham. Haste me to knyow't, that I-I, with wings as s-swift +As meditation ow the >w< thoughts of wove, +May s-sweep to my *cuddles you* wevenge. +Ghost. I find thee apt; +And duwwew s-shouwdst thou be than the *leans over* fat weed +T-That wots itsewf in ease on Wethe whawf, +uWu Wouwdst thou nyot stiw in this. Nyow, Hamwet, heaw. +'Tis g-given out that, sweeping *shuffles closer* in my owchawd, +A sewpent *cuddles you* stung m-me. So t-the whowe eaw of Denmawk +Is by a fowged pwocess of my death +Wankwy abus'd. *teleports behind you* But knyow, thou nyobwe youth, +The sewpent that d-did sting thy fathew's w-wife +Nyow weaws h-his cwown. +Ham. O-O my pwophetic souw! +My uncwe? +Ghost. Ay, ^w^ that incestuous, *teleports behind you* that aduwtewate ^w^ beast, +With w-witchcwaft of his wit, with twaitowous gifts- +O wicked wit and g-gifts, that have the powew +So to >w< seduce!- w-won to his shamefuw wust +The wiww of my most seeming-viwtuous q-queen. +O Hamwet, what a f-fawwing-off was thewe, +x3 Fwom me, whose wove was of that dignyity +That *cries* it w-went hand in >_< hand even w-with :33 the vow +I made t-to hew in mawwiage, and to decwinye +Upon a ;;w;; wwetch whose nyatuwaw gifts wewe poow +To those of minye! +But viwtue, xDD as it nyevew wiww be mov'd, +;;w;; Though wewdnyess couwt i-it uWu in *notices bulge* a shape of heaven, +So wust, t-though to a wadiant angew wink'd, +Wiww sate i-itsewf in a cewestiaw bed +A-And pwey *looks away* on gawbage. +But soft! methinks I scent the mownying aiw. +*cries* Bwief wet me be. Sweeping within my owchawd, +My custom awways of ^-^ the *hugs tightly* aftewnyoon, +Upon my secuwe houw t-thy *sweats* uncwe stowe, +With juice of cuwsed hebonya in a viaw, +And in the powches of *notices bulge* my eaws did pouw +The wepewous distiwment; x3 whose effect +Howds UwU such an enmity *cuddles you* with bwood of man +>_< That *sighs* swift as quicksiwveww it couwses thwough +The nyatuwaw gates and awweys o-of the body, +A-And with ^w^ a sudden vigouw it doth posset +And *giggles shyly* cuwd, wike *sighs* eagew dwoppings into miwk, +The thin and whowesome b-bwood. *pokes you* So did *notices bulge* it minye; +And a most instant t-tettew bawk'd about, +M-Most wazaw-wike, with viwe and woathsome *hugs tightly* cwust +Aww my smooth x3 body. +Thus w-was I, sweeping, by a >_< bwothew's hand +Of wife, of cwown, of queen, *teleports behind you* at once dispatch'd; +Cut off even in the bwossoms of my sin, +Unhous'wed, *leans over* disappointed, unyanyew'd, +Nyo weckonying made, but sent to my account +With aww my impewfections on my head. +Ham. O, howwibwe! O, OwO howwibwe! most howwibwe! +Ghost. If thou hast n-nyatuwe *shuffles closer* in thee, >_< beaw it *blushes* nyot. +Wet nyot *blushes* the woyaw b-bed of Denmawk be +A couch fow *blushes* wuxuwy a-and damnyed incest. +But, howsoevew t-thou puwsuest this act, +Taint *sweats* nyot t-thy mind, nyow wet x3 thy xDD souw contwive +A-Against thy mothew *teleports behind you* aught. Weave hew to heaven, +A-And to those thowns that in hew bosom wodge +T-To pwick and *shuffles closer* sting hew. Fawe thee weww at once. +The gwowwowm shows the matin to be nyeaw +And gins to pawe his u-unyeffectuaw fiwe. +Adieu, adieu, *twerks* adieu! Wemembew m-me. Exit. +Ham. O aww you host of heaven! *teleports behind you* O eawth! W-What ewse? +And shaww I >_> coupwe heww? Howd, howd, my heawt! +And you, ^.^ my sinyews, gwow nyot *sighs* instant owd, +But >_< beaw me stiffwy up. Wemembew thee? +Ay, *giggles shyly* thou p-poow ghost, whiwe memowy *shuffles closer* howds a seat +*pokes you* In x3 this d-distwacted gwobe. *shuffles closer* Wemembew thee? +Yea, fwom the tabwe of my memowy +>_> I'ww wipe away aww twiviaw fond wecowds, +*notices bulge* Aww saws *cries* of books, aww f-fowms, a-aww pwessuwes past +*sweats* That youth and o-obsewvation copied thewe, +And thy *giggles shyly* commandment aww awonye shaww wive +Within the book and vowume o-of my bwain, +Unmix'd *looks away* with basew mattew. Yes, by *sighs* heaven! +O-O most pewnyicious woman! +O viwwain, v-viwwain, smiwing, damnyed uWu viwwain! +My tabwes! Meet it is I set it down +That onye uWu may smiwe, and smiwe, a-and be a viwwain; +A-At weast *moans* I am suwe ^.^ it m-may be so in Denmawk. *sweats* [Wwites.] +S-So, uncwe, thewe you awe. Nyow t-to my wowd: +It i-is 'Adieu, adieu! W-Wemembew me.' +>_< I have swown't. +How. (within) My wowd, my *hugs tightly* wowd! + +Entew *moans* Howatio and Mawcewwus. + +Maw. Wowd Hamwet! +How. Heaven secuwe him! +*pokes you* Ham. x3 So *screams* be it! +Maw. *screams* Iwwo, ho, ho, *moans* my wowd! +*hugs tightly* Ham. H-Hiwwo, ho, ho, boy! Come, biwd, come. +*sighs* Maw. How is't, *cuddles you* my nyobwe wowd? +H-How. What nyews, my wowd? +Maw. O-O, wondewfuw! +How. *leans over* Good my wowd, teww it. +Ham. N-Nyo, you wiww *moans* weveaw it. +How. *twerks* Nyot I-I, my wowd, by ^-^ heaven! +Maw. Nyow I-I, my wowd. +Ham. xDD How say y-you *notices bulge* then? Wouwd heawt of man once think it? +But you'ww *screams* be secwet? +Both. Ay, by heaven, my wowd. +H-Ham. Thewe's nyeew a viwwain dwewwing in aww Denmawk +But he's an a-awwant knyave. +How. Thewe nyeeds nyo ghost, m-my *screams* wowd, come fwom the g-gwave +To teww us this. +H-Ham. UwU Why, wight! You awe ^-^ in t-the w-wight! +And so, without mowe ciwcumstance at a-aww, +I howd it f-fit that we shake hands and pawt; +*cries* You, :3 as youw b-businyess and desiwes shaww point you, +Fow *blushes* evewy xDD man *screams* hath businyess and d-desiwe, +Such as it is; and f-fow *screams* my own ^-^ poow pawt, +Wook you, I'ww :3 go pway. +How. These OwO awe but wiwd and whiwwing wowds, my wowd. +Ham. I am sowwy they offend you, heawtiwy; +Y-Yes, faith, h-heawtiwy. +How. T-Thewe's nyo offence, my wowd. +Ham. Yes, *cries* by S-Saint Patwick, but *leans over* thewe is, Howatio, +And much offence too. T-Touching ^-^ this vision hewe, +*shuffles closer* It is an honyest ghost, that wet me teww you. +F-Fow *giggles shyly* youw desiwe t-to k-knyow *sweats* what is between us, +O'ewmastew't as you may. And nyow, good fwiends, +As you awe fwiends, schowaws, and *leans over* sowdiews, +Give me onye poow wequest. +How. >_> What is't, my wowd? We wiww. +Ham. *blushes* Nyevew *blushes* make knyown what you have seen to-nyight. +:33 Both. *twerks* My wowd, *moans* we wiww nyot. +H-Ham. Nyay, *teleports behind you* but s-sweaw't. +H-How. In f-faith, +M-My wowd, nyot I. +Maw. Nyow *sighs* I, my wowd- in faith. +Ham. Upon m-my swowd. +Maw. We have swown, m-my wowd, awweady. +*blushes* Ham. *leans over* Indeed, upon my swowd, i-indeed. + +Ghost cwies ;;w;; undew the stage. + +Ghost. Sweaw. +Ham. Aha b-boy, say'st *leans over* thou so? >w< Awt t-thou thewe, *sweats* twuepenny? +Come on! *notices bulge* You heaw this *teleports behind you* fewwow in the cewwawage. +Consent to sweaw. +How. Pwopose the oath, my wowd. +Ham. N-Nyevew to speak of this that you have seen. +Sweaw by ^w^ my swowd. +Ghost. [benyeath] :33 Sweaw. +H-Ham. H-Hic et ubique? T-Then we'ww shift ouw g-gwound. +Come hithew, gentwemen, +And way youw hands again upon my swowd. +Nyevew to speak of this that you have h-heawd: +S-Sweaw by my s-swowd. +Ghost. [benyeath] Sweaw by his swowd. +H-Ham. Weww said, owd mowe! Canst wowk i-i' th' e-eawth so fast? +A-A wowthy pionyew! Once mowe wemove, *giggles shyly* good fwiends." +How. O day and nyight, but t-this i-is wondwous stwange! +Ham. And thewefowe as *cries* a stwangew give it wewcome. +Thewe awe m-mowe xDD things in h-heaven and eawth, Howatio, +Than awe dweamt of in youw phiwosophy. +But come! +Hewe, a-as befowe, n-nyevew, so hewp you mewcy, +How stwange ow odd soe'ew *sweats* I beaw m-mysewf +(As I pewchance heweaftew shaww think m-meet +:33 To put an antic disposition on), +^.^ That y-you, at such times seeing me, nyevew shaww, +With awms encumb'wed t-thus, ow *looks away* this head-shake, +Ow *cries* by pwonyouncing of some doubtfuw phwase, +As 'Weww, weww, we xDD knyow,' ow 'We couwd, UwU an if we :33 wouwd,' +Ow 'If we *sweats* wist to speak,' o-ow *sweats* 'Thewe be, xDD an if they might,' +Ow such ambiguous giving out, to nyote +That you knyow aught of me- *screams* this ;;w;; is nyot *cuddles you* to do, +So g-gwace and mewcy at youw most n-nyeed hewp you, +*screams* Sweaw. +Ghost. [benyeath] Sweaw. +*sweats* [They sweaw.] +Ham. West, west, pewtuwbed spiwit! S-So, gentwemen, +W-With aww xDD my wove I d-do commend me to you; +And what so poow a man as Hamwet is +May do t' expwess his *cuddles you* wove and fwiending to y-you, +God wiwwing, s-shaww nyot *notices bulge* wack. Wet us go in togethew; +And stiww youw fingews on youw wips, I pway. +T-The xDD time is out of joint. O cuwsed *sighs* spite +That evew *moans* I was bown to set OwO it wight! +Nyay, come, w-wet's go togethew. +Exeunt. + + + + +<> + + + +A-Act >_< II. S-Scenye I. +Ewsinyowe. A woom *cries* in t-the house *looks at you* of Powonyius. + +Entew Powonyius and Weynyawdo. + +Pow. Give him t-this m-monyey uWu and these nyotes, Weynyawdo. +Wey. I wiww, my wowd. +Pow. You s-shaww do mawveww's w-wisewy, good Weynyawdo, +Befowe You visit him, to make inquiwe +Of his UwU behaviouw. +Wey. My wowd, I *blushes* did intend it. +Pow. x3 Mawwy, weww said, vewy weww said. Wook y-you, s-siw, +Enquiwe me :33 fiwst what Danskews awe in xDD Pawis; +A-And how, and who, >_> what means, and whewe they keep, +W-What *giggles shyly* company, a-at what expense; and finding +B-By this encompassment a-and dwift of question +That they do knyow my son, come you *teleports behind you* mowe n-nyeawew +Than youw pawticuwaw demands wiww touch it. +T-Take you, as 'twewe, some distant knyowwedge of him; +As thus, 'I knyow his fathew and his fwiends, +And i-in p-pawt ^w^ him.' Do you mawk this, Weynyawdo? +Wey. Ay, vewy weww, my *blushes* wowd. +P-Pow. 'And in pawt him, but,' you m-may say, 'nyot weww. +But if't be he *hugs tightly* I mean, he's uWu vewy wiwd +Addicted so :3 and *twerks* so'; and thewe put on him +What *shuffles closer* fowgewies you pwease; mawwy, nyonye so wank +A-As may dishonyouw him- take *giggles shyly* heed of that; +But, siw, such wanton, w-wiwd, and usuaw swips +As awe companyions nyoted and *blushes* most k-knyown +To youth and *giggles shyly* wibewty. +Wey. >w< As gaming, m-my wowd. +Pow. Ay, ow dwinking, fencing, sweawing, quawwewwing, +Dwabbing. You may go so f-faw. +Wey. :33 My w-wowd, that wouwd dishonyouw him. +Pow. F-Faith, nyo, as you may season it in the c-chawge. +You must nyot p-put a-anyothew *twerks* scandaw on him, +That he *pokes you* is open to incontinyency. +That's nyot my m-meanying. B-But bweathe his fauwts so quaintwy +That they may seem the >_< taints of >_> wibewty, +The fwash a-and outbweak of a fiewy mind, +A *screams* savagenyess xDD in u-unwecwaimed bwood, +Of genyewaw assauwt. +Wey. B-But, my good wowd- +Pow. Whewefowe shouwd y-you do this? +Wey. Ay, my w-wowd, +I-I wouwd knyow that. +Pow. Mawwy, siw, hewe's my dwift, +And I *twerks* bewieve it is a fetch of wawwant. +*teleports behind you* You *looks away* waying *teleports behind you* these swight *twerks* suwwies on m-my son +As 'twewe a thing a wittwe soiw'd >_< i' th' wowking, +Mawk you, +Youw *teleports behind you* pawty in convewse, him y-you wouwd sound, +Having evew seen *looks at you* in the pwenyominyate cwimes +The youth you *screams* bweathe of guiwty, b-be assuw'd +He cwoses with y-you in this consequence: +'Good :3 siw,' ow so, ow 'fwiend,' UwU ow 'gentweman'- +Accowding to the phwase ow the addition +*pokes you* Of man and countwy- +Wey. Vewy good, my wowd. +P-Pow. And then, siw, does 'a this- 'a d-does- What was *leans over* I about to say? +By the mass, I was *screams* about *cries* to s-say *shuffles closer* something! Whewe did I weave? +Wey. At 'cwoses in the consequence,' at 'fwiend ow *moans* so,' a-and +gentweman.' +Pow. >w< At 'cwoses in the consequence'- Ay, m-mawwy! +He cwoses thus: *sighs* 'I uWu knyow the g-gentweman. +I saw him yestewday, ow t'othew d-day, +O-Ow then, ow t-then, with such ^-^ ow s-such; and, as you say, +Thewe was :3 'a gaming; *pokes you* thewe o'ewtook in's wouse; +Thewe fawwing out at t-tennyis'; *twerks* ow pewchance, +'I saw him entew such :3 a house of sawe,' +Videwicet, a bwothew, ow so fowth. +See you nyow- +Youw bait of fawsehood takes *moans* this cawp of t-twuth; +And t-thus do w-we of *cuddles you* wisdom and o-of weach, +W-With windwasses and with assays of bias, +By i-indiwections find d-diwections out. +So, by my fowmew wectuwe and advice, +S-Shaww you m-my son. You have *hugs tightly* me, *leans over* have you nyot +*leans over* Wey. *pokes you* My wowd, I have. +Pow. God ;;w;; b' wi' ye, fawe ye *screams* weww! +*giggles shyly* Wey. Good UwU my wowd! [Going.] +Pow. Obsewve his incwinyation in youwsewf. +Wey. I shaww, uWu my wowd. +*pokes you* Pow. And wet him pwy ^w^ his music. +Wey. W-Weww, my wowd. +Pow. Faweweww! +Exit *blushes* Weynyawdo. + +E-Entew Ophewia. + +How nyow, *twerks* Ophewia? *moans* What's the mattew? +Oph. O my wowd, my wowd, I have been so affwighted! +Pow. With *twerks* what, i' th' nyame of God I +Oph. My w-wowd, as I was sewing in my cwoset, +Wowd Hamwet, with his doubwet aww unbwac'd, +Nyo hat upon his head, h-his stockings fouw'd, +Ungawt'wed, and down-gyved t-to xDD his ankwe; +Pawe *shuffles closer* as his s-shiwt, his knyees x3 knyocking each othew, +And *cuddles you* with a wook so ^-^ piteous >_> in p-puwpowt +As if *notices bulge* he had been woosed out of heww +UwU To speak o-of howwows- he comes befowe me. +Pow. Mad fow thy wove? +Oph. My wowd, I do nyot knyow, +But twuwy I do feaw it. +Pow. What *sighs* said he? +Oph. ^w^ He took m-me by the wwist and hewd me hawd; +*looks at you* Then goes he to the *teleports behind you* wength >w< of aww his awm, +And, with his othew hand thus o'ew his bwow, +He fawws to such pewusaw of my face +As he w-wouwd dwaw it. Wong stay'd he s-so. +At wast, *pokes you* a wittwe s-shaking of ^.^ minye awm, +And thwice his *giggles shyly* head >_< thus waving u-up and down, +He wais'd a s-sigh so piteous and *moans* pwofound +As it did seem t-to shattew aww >_< his buwk +And end his b-being. *teleports behind you* That donye, he wets me go, +A-And with his head ovew his shouwdew tuwn'd +He seem'd ;;w;; to find ^w^ his way :33 without his e-eyes, +Fow out o' doows he w-went without theiw hewp +And to t-the wast bended theiw wight on me. +Pow. Come, go w-with me. *screams* I w-wiww go s-seek the King. +This is the vewy ecstasy of wove, +*leans over* Whose viowent *notices bulge* pwopewty fowdoes >w< itsewf +And weads the wiww to *teleports behind you* despewate u-undewtakings +As oft as any passion undew heaven +That does affwict ouw nyatuwes. I am >_> sowwy. +What, *twerks* have you given him any hawd wowds of wate? +Oph. Nyo, my good wowd; but, as *teleports behind you* you did c-command, +I did wepew his wettews *sweats* and denyied +His access to me. +Pow. That hath made him mad. +I am sowwy that with b-bettew heed and judgment +^w^ I had nyot quoted him. I *moans* feaw'd *cuddles you* he *looks away* did but twifwe +And meant ^w^ to wwack thee; but beshwew my jeawousy! +By heaven, *looks at you* it is a-as pwopew to ouw >_< age +T-To *sighs* cast *twerks* beyond ouwsewves i-in ouw opinyions +As it i-is *sweats* common fow the youngew sowt +To wack discwetion. Come, go we to *blushes* the King. +This must b-be knyown; which, being kept cwose, might move +*looks at you* Mowe gwief to hide than hate to uttew wove. +Come. +Exeunt. + +Scenye II. +Ewsinyowe. A woom i-in >_< the Castwe. + +Fwouwish. [Entew K-King and Queen, W-Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn, cum >_> awiis. + +King. W-Wewcome, d-deaw Wosencwantz UwU and Guiwdenstewn. +Moweovew that *teleports behind you* we much did wong to see you, +The *sighs* nyeed we have to use y-you did *notices bulge* pwovoke +Ouw h-hasty >w< sending. Something have you h-heawd +Of H-Hamwet's twansfowmation. S-So OwO I caww it, +Sith nyow *teleports behind you* th' extewiow >_> nyow the inwawd man +Wesembwes that i-it w-was. What it shouwd be, +Mowe than his fathew's ^-^ death, that thus hath put h-him +uWu So much fwom th' undewstanding of himsewf, +I cannyot dweam of. I entweat you both +x3 That, *hugs tightly* being of UwU so young c-cways bwought u-up with him, +And since so *looks at you* nyeighbouw'd to his youth and haviouw, +That you >_< vouchsafe youw west hewe in ouw couwt +Some wittwe time; so by *sighs* youw companyies +T-To dwaw h-him on to *cries* pweasuwes, a-and to gathew +So much as *moans* fwom occasion y-you may gwean, +Whethew aught to us unknyown affwicts him thus +*sweats* That, open'd, wies within ouw w-wemedy. +Q-Queen. Good gentwemen, he hath much tawk'd of you, +And suwe I am *cries* two men thewe awe n-nyot wiving +To whom he mowe adhewes. If it wiww p-pwease you +To show u-us so much g-gentwy and good w-wiww +As t-to expend youw time with us awhiwe +Fow the suppwy and pwofit of o-ouw hope, +Youw visitation shaww *sweats* weceive such thanks +As uWu fits a king's wemembwance. +Wos. *sighs* Both youw Majesties +Might, by t-the soveweign powew you have of us, +Put youw dwead *giggles shyly* pweasuwes mowe into c-command +Than to entweaty. +>_> Guiw. *twerks* But we b-both obey, +*screams* And hewe uWu give *sweats* up ouwsewves, in the fuww bent, +To :3 way ouw sewvice fweewy *hugs tightly* at *pokes you* youw feet, +T-To be *moans* commanded. +King. Thanks, Wosencwantz and gentwe Guiwdenstewn. +Queen. *sweats* Thanks, Guiwdenstewn and gentwe *teleports behind you* Wosencwantz. +And I ;;w;; beseech you instantwy to visit +My too *looks at you* much changed son.- G-Go, some of *moans* you, +And bwing *hugs tightly* these gentwemen whewe Hamwet i-is. +Guiw. Heavens make ouw pwesence *hugs tightly* and ouw pwactices +Pweasant and hewpfuw to him! +Queen. Ay, amen! +Exeunt Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn, [with some +Attendants]. + +Entew Powonyius. + +Pow. *twerks* Th' ambassadows fwom Nyowway, my *notices bulge* good wowd, +Awe joyfuwwy wetuwn'd. +King. Thou stiww hast been the fathew of *cuddles you* good nyews. +Pow. Have I, m-my wowd? Assuwe you, my good wiege, +>_< I *sweats* howd my duty as I-I howd my souw, +Both to my God and to my gwacious king; +And I do think- ow ewse this bwain of minye +Hunts nyot the twaiw o-of powicy so *blushes* suwe +As it ^-^ hath uWu us'd to d-do- t-that I have found +The vewy cause o-of Hamwet's wunyacy. +K-King. O, speak of that! That do I wong to heaw. +Pow. Give fiwst a-admittance to th' ambassadows. +M-My n-nyews shaww be *leans over* the fwuit to that gweat feast. +*hugs tightly* King. Thysewf d-do g-gwace to them, and bwing them in. +[Exit Powonyius.] +*cries* He tewws me, my deaw G-Gewtwude, he hath found +The :33 head and souwce uWu of aww youw son's d-distempew. +Queen. I doubt *teleports behind you* it is n-nyo othew but the main, +His fathew's d-death and ouw o-o'ewhasty mawwiage. +King. Weww, we shaww xDD sift him. + +Entew P-Powonyius, *screams* Vowtemand, *screams* and Cownyewius. + +*giggles shyly* Wewcome, m-my good fwiends. +Say, >w< Vowtemand, what f-fwom ouw bwothew Nyowway? +Vowt. Most faiw wetuwn *giggles shyly* of gweetings and *cuddles you* desiwes. +U-Upon ouw fiwst, he sent out to suppwess +His nyephew's wevies; which to him *shuffles closer* appeaw'd +To be uWu a pwepawation 'gainst the Powack, +But ^-^ bettew x3 wook'd i-into, he twuwy found +It was against youw Highnyess; wheweat gwiev'd, +:3 That so h-his sicknyess, age, and i-impotence +W-Was fawsewy bownye in hand, sends *cuddles you* out a-awwests +On Fowtinbwas; which he, in bwief, obeys, +Weceives webuke f-fwom Nyowway, and, in finye, +*teleports behind you* Makes vow befowe his uncwe nyevew mowe +*notices bulge* To give :3 th' *hugs tightly* assay of awms against >_> youw Majesty. +Wheweon owd Nyowway, ovewcome with joy, +Gives *sighs* him thwee thousand cwowns i-in *notices bulge* annyuaw fee +And >_> his commission to empwoy those sowdiews, +*giggles shyly* So wevied as befowe, against the Powack; +With an entweaty, hewein fuwthew shown, +[-[Gives *twerks* a papew.] +That it might pwease you xDD to give quiet *pokes you* pass +T-Thwough youw dominyions f-fow this entewpwise, +On s-such wegawds of safety a-and awwowance +As thewein awe s-set down. +King. It wikes us weww; +And at ouw mowe considew'd time we'ww wead, +A-Answew, and think upon this businyess. +Meantime we thank you fow youw weww-took >w< wabouw. +Go to youw west; a-at n-nyight we'ww feast togethew. +Most wewcome h-home! Exeunt Ambassadows. +P-Pow. *looks away* This businyess is w-weww *hugs tightly* ended. +My w-wiege, >w< and madam, t-to expostuwate +What majesty shouwd be, what duty is, +:3 Why day is ;;w;; day, nyight is nyight, and time is *shuffles closer* time. +Wewe nyothing but to waste nyight, *looks at you* day, and time. +Thewefowe, since bwevity is the souw of wit, +And tediousnyess t-the wimbs and outwawd fwouwishes, +I wiww be bwief. Youw nyobwe son *cuddles you* is *notices bulge* mad. +*sighs* Mad c-caww I it; fow, to definye twue madnyess, +What is't but to be nyothing ewse but mad? +>w< But wet that go. +Queen. Mowe x3 mattew, with w-wess awt. +Pow. M-Madam, I sweaw *cuddles you* I use nyo awt a-at aww. +That *giggles shyly* he is mad, 'tis twue: 'tis twue 'tis pity; +And pity 'tis 'tis twue. A foowish figuwe! +*cuddles you* But *pokes you* faweweww it, *notices bulge* fow *twerks* I wiww use xDD nyo awt. +*cries* Mad wet us gwant him then. *screams* And nyow wemains +That we *cries* find out *shuffles closer* the cause of t-this *leans over* effect- +Ow wathew say, the cause of this defect, +Fow t-this effect d-defective comes *cuddles you* by cause. +Thus it wemains, and the *hugs tightly* wemaindew thus. +Pewpend. +I have a daughtew (have whiwe she i-is *notices bulge* minye), +*moans* Who i-in hew duty and obedience, mawk, +H-Hath given me t-this. Nyow gathew, and suwmise. +[-[Weads] the wettew. +'To the cewestiaw, and my souw's idow, the most beautified +Ophewia,'- + +That's an iww *shuffles closer* phwase, a viwe phwase; 'beautified' is >w< a viwe +phwase. +But you shaww heaw. Thus: +[Weads.] +'In hew excewwent w-white bosom, these, &c.' +^.^ Queen. Came this f-fwom *leans over* Hamwet to hew? +Pow. Good *pokes you* madam, stay ^w^ awhiwe. I wiww be faithfuw. [Weads.] + +'Doubt thou the *hugs tightly* staws awe fiwe; +Doubt t-that the sun doth move; +D-Doubt twuth to be a wiaw; +But nyevew doubt I w-wove. +*looks away* 'O deaw O-Ophewia, UwU I am iww at these nyumbews; I have nyot awt to +weckon my gwoans; but t-that I :33 wove thee b-best, O most best, bewieve +it. Adieu. +'Thinye evewmowe, most deaw wady, w-whiwst this *twerks* machinye is to >_> him, +HAMWET.' + +This, in obedience, hath my daughtew shown me; +And *sighs* mowe above, *cuddles you* hath his sowicitings, +A-As t-they *twerks* feww out by time, by means, and pwace, +*looks away* Aww given to minye eaw. +King. But how hath she +Weceiv'd :33 his wove? +Pow. What do you think of me? +King. As o-of a man faithfuw and *screams* honyouwabwe. +Pow. I wouwd fain pwove so. But w-what might you think, +When I had seen this hot wove on the wing +(As I pewceiv'd UwU it, I-I must t-teww you t-that, +Befowe my daughtew towd me), what *blushes* might y-you, +Ow my deaw Majesty youw *looks away* queen hewe, think, +If I had pway'd the desk ow tabwe *teleports behind you* book, +O-Ow given my heawt a *leans over* winking, mute and dumb, +*teleports behind you* Ow wook'd upon this wove w-with :3 idwe s-sight? +What might you *twerks* think? N-Nyo, I went wound to *looks away* wowk +uWu And my young ^.^ mistwess thus I did bespeak: +'Wowd Hamwet is a-a pwince, out of thy staw. +T-This must xDD nyot be.' And then I p-pwescwipts gave hew, +That she shouwd wock hewsewf fwom *screams* his wesowt, +*teleports behind you* Admit *screams* nyo messengews, w-weceive nyo tokens. +Which donye, she took the fwuits of my advice, +And *leans over* he, wepuwsed, a *notices bulge* showt tawe to make, +Feww i-into *hugs tightly* a sadnyess, then >_< into a fast, +T-Thence to *shuffles closer* a watch, >_> thence i-into a-a *sweats* weaknyess, +Thence t-to a wightnyess, and, by t-this decwension, +Into the ^w^ madnyess uWu whewein n-nyow he waves, +And aww we mouwn fow. +King. Do y-you think 'tis this? +*sighs* Queen. :33 it may be, vewy wike. +Pow. Hath thewe been s-such a time- I wouwd fain k-knyow that- +That I have :3 Positivewy said *notices bulge* ''Tis so,' +When it ^w^ pwov'd othewwise.? +*blushes* King. Nyot ^.^ that I k-knyow. +Pow. [points t-to his head and shouwdew] T-Take this fwom this, *looks at you* if this +uWu be othewwise. +If ciwcumstances w-wead *leans over* me, I wiww find +Whewe t-twuth is hid, though it wewe hid i-indeed +Within the centwe. +King. How may we twy it >_> fuwthew? +Pow. Y-You knyow sometimes he wawks fouw h-houws t-togethew +Hewe in the wobby. +Q-Queen. So he does i-indeed. +Pow. At *teleports behind you* such a time I'ww woose *sweats* my daughtew to him. +B-Be y-you and I behind an a-awwas then. +*cries* Mawk the encountew. If he wove hew nyot, +And he nyot fwom his weason faww'n theweon +Wet *leans over* me be nyo assistant *screams* fow a *shuffles closer* state, +But keep a fawm and cawtews. +King. We wiww twy i-it. + +*twerks* Entew Hamwet, weading on a-a *screams* book. + +Queen. B-But wook whewe sadwy the poow wwetch comes *shuffles closer* weading. +*sighs* Pow. Away, I ^-^ do b-beseech you, *teleports behind you* both away +I'ww boawd h-him pwesentwy. :33 O, give me weave. +Exeunt King and *looks at you* Queen, *looks away* [with Attendants]. +How *twerks* does *twerks* my good Wowd Hamwet? +Ham. Weww, God-a-mewcy. +Pow. Do you knyow me, my wowd? +Ham. Excewwent weww. x3 You awe a fishmongew. +Pow. Nyot I, my wowd. +xDD Ham. Then I *leans over* wouwd you wewe so honyest a man. +Pow. Honyest, my w-wowd? +Ham. Ay, s-siw. To be ^w^ honyest, as this wowwd goes, is to be onye m-man +pick'd out of ten thousand. +OwO Pow. That's v-vewy twue, *giggles shyly* my wowd. +Ham. Fow if the sun bweed *looks away* maggots in a dead dog, being *teleports behind you* a god +k-kissing cawwion- Have y-you a daughtew? +*cuddles you* Pow. *cries* I have, my wowd. +Ham. Wet hew nyot wawk i' t-th' s-sun. Conception is UwU a b-bwessing, but nyot +as youw d-daughtew m-may conceive. Fwiend, wook *screams* to't. +Pow. [-[aside] H-How say you by t-that? >_> Stiww hawping on >_> my daughtew. Yet +h-he knyew me nyot a-at fiwst. He said I :33 was a *cries* fishmongew. He is *teleports behind you* faw +gonye, faw gonye! And twuwy in my *cries* youth >w< I *sighs* suff'wed much *teleports behind you* extwemity +OwO fow wove- vewy n-nyeaw *giggles shyly* this. I'ww speak to him >_< again.- W-What do y-you +wead, my wowd? +Ham. ^w^ Wowds, wowds, wowds. +Pow. What *hugs tightly* is the mattew, my wowd? +Ham. B-Between w-who? +^.^ Pow. I *twerks* mean, the mattew that you wead, my wowd. +*cries* Ham. *cries* Swandews, siw; fow xDD the satiwicaw wogue says hewe that owd men +have gwey beawds; t-that theiw faces awe w-wwinkwed; theiw e-eyes +puwging thick ambew and pwum-twee gum; and that they have a +*sweats* pwentifuw *teleports behind you* wack of wit, togethew with *teleports behind you* most weak hams. Aww which, +siw, though I-I most powewfuwwy and potentwy bewieve, yet *giggles shyly* I howd it +nyot honyesty to have it thus s-set down; *twerks* fow you youwsewf, siw, +shouwd be *shuffles closer* owd as I am if, w-wike a-a cwab, you couwd go backwawd. +Pow. [-[aside] Though this b-be madnyess, yet thewe i-is a method in't.- +Wiww You wawk out of the aiw, m-my wowd? +Ham. Into my gwave? +P-Pow. Indeed, that is o-out o' th' aiw. [-[Aside] uWu How pwegnyant sometimes +his wepwies awe! a happinyess that often *notices bulge* madnyess hits on, which +w-weason and sanyity c-couwd nyot so pwospewouswy be dewivewed of. I-I +*notices bulge* wiww weave him and suddenwy contwive the m-means of meeting between +him and my daughtew.- My :3 honyouwabwe w-wowd, I wiww ^.^ most humbwy take +my w-weave of you. +Ham. You cannyot, siw, take fwom me anything that I wiww >w< mowe +wiwwingwy pawt withaw- except my wife, except my wife, e-except my +wife, + +E-Entew Wosencwantz a-and Guiwdenstewn. + +Pow. Fawe y-you weww, my wowd. +Ham. These tedious owd foows! +P-Pow. You g-go to seek the *notices bulge* Wowd H-Hamwet. Thewe he is. +Wos. [to *looks at you* Powonyius] *shuffles closer* God save y-you, siw! +Exit [Powonyius]. +Guiw. My honyouw'd wowd! +W-Wos. My most deaw wowd! +Ham. My *hugs tightly* excewwent good fwiends! *twerks* How d-dost *notices bulge* thou, Guiwdenstewn? Ah, +*screams* Wosencwantz! *twerks* Good *cries* wads, h-how do ye both? +Wos. As the indiffewent chiwdwen of the ^-^ eawth. +Guiw. H-Happy in that we awe nyot o-ovew-happy. +On Fowtunye's cap *looks at you* we *blushes* awe :3 nyot the vewy button. +Ham. Nyow the sowes of hew shoe? +Wos. Nyeithew, *pokes you* my wowd. +Ham. Then you wive about hew w-waist, ow in the ^-^ middwe of hew +favouws? +Guiw. Faith, hew pwivates we. +Ham. In the secwet pawts o-of Fowtunye? O! most twue! s-she is a +stwumpet. *looks away* What ;;w;; nyews ? +Wos. *sighs* Nyonye, my wowd, but *cries* that OwO the *notices bulge* wowwd's gwown honyest. +Ham. Then *looks away* is doomsday nyeaw! But youw nyews is nyot twue. Wet :33 me +question mowe in p-pawticuwaw. What have y-you, my good fwiends, +desewved at the hands o-of F-Fowtunye t-that she sends you to pwison +hithew? +x3 Guiw. Pwison, my w-wowd? +Ham. Denmawk's a pwison. +^w^ Wos. Then is the wowwd onye. +Ham. A goodwy onye; in which thewe a-awe *looks away* many confinyes, ^w^ wawds, and +dungeons, Denmawk being *looks at you* onye o' th' wowst. +Wos. We think nyot so, my wowd. +Ham. Why, then 'tis nyonye to you; fow thewe is *twerks* nyothing eithew good +ow b-bad but *moans* thinking m-makes xDD it so. To m-me it uWu is a OwO pwison. +Wos. Why, *giggles shyly* then youw ambition m-makes *cries* it onye. 'Tis too nyawwow fow youw +m-mind. +Ham. O God, I ^w^ couwd be bounded in a n-nyutsheww and count mysewf a +king of infinyite space, wewe OwO it nyot that I have bad dweams. +Guiw. W-Which dweams i-indeed awe ambition; f-fow the vewy substance :33 of +the >_< ambitious is mewewy the shadow of a dweam. +Ham. A dweam itsewf is but a shadow. +Wos. Twuwy, and I howd ambition of so aiwy and wight a quawity x3 that +it is but a shadow's s-shadow. +H-Ham. Then awe ouw beggaws bodies, and :3 ouw *screams* monyawchs and outstwetch'd +hewoes the beggaws' shadows. S-Shaww we to th' couwt? fow, by *blushes* my +fay, I cannyot weason. +Both. W-We'ww wait upon you. +*hugs tightly* Ham. Nyo such mattew! *looks away* I wiww nyot sowt you *teleports behind you* with the west of m-my +sewvants; f-fow, to speak to you wike *hugs tightly* an h-honyest man, I-I am most +*shuffles closer* dweadfuwwy attended. But in the ;;w;; beaten way of fwiendship, what +*looks at you* make y-you a-at UwU Ewsinyowe? +Wos. To v-visit you, my wowd; nyo othew o-occasion. +Ham. Beggaw that I *moans* am, I am even ^.^ poow i-in thanks; but I thank ^w^ you; +and *cries* suwe, deaw fwiends, my thanks awe too d-deaw *twerks* a hawfpenny. *cuddles you* Wewe +you nyot sent x3 fow? I-Is it youw o-own x3 incwinying? Is it a fwee +visitation? Come, ;;w;; deaw *looks at you* justwy with me. Come, come! N-Nyay, speak. +Guiw. *twerks* What shouwd we :33 say, my wowd? +:33 Ham. Why, anything- but to :3 th' puwpose. Y-You wewe sent fow; and +thewe is *looks at you* a kind of confession in youw wooks, which youw modesties +have nyot cwaft enyough to cowouw. I *notices bulge* knyow t-the good King and Queen +have sent fow uWu you. +Wos. To *moans* what end, my wowd? +Ham. T-That you must teach me. *leans over* But wet me conjuwe you *twerks* by the wights +o-of ouw fewwowship, b-by the consonyancy o-of ouw youth, by the +obwigation >_> of ouw e-evew-pwesewved wove, and by what mowe *cuddles you* deaw a +bettew pwoposew couwd chawge you withaw, be even and diwect with +me, whethew you wewe sent f-fow ow nyo. +Wos. [-[aside to *sweats* Guiwdenstewn] W-What say you? +Ham. [aside] Nyay then, I have a-an eye o-of you.- I-If you wove me, h-howd +*cuddles you* nyot off. +Guiw. My w-wowd, we wewe sent fow. +*cuddles you* Ham. I w-wiww *looks away* teww you why. So ^.^ shaww my a-anticipation pwevent youw +discovewy, and youw secwecy to the King and Queen m-mouwt nyo +feathew. I *looks away* have of *looks away* wate- but whewefowe I knyow *teleports behind you* nyot- wost aww my +miwth, fowgonye a-aww custom of exewcises; and indeed, it goes so +heaviwy with my disposition t-that this goodwy *teleports behind you* fwame, the *notices bulge* eawth, +seems to me a stewiwe pwomontowy; this most excewwent canyopy, the +*sighs* aiw, wook y-you, t-this bwave o'ewhanging fiwmament, this m-majesticaw +woof fwetted with gowden fiwe- why, it appeaweth nyo othew thing +to me t-than a fouw and pestiwent *looks at you* congwegation of vapouws. What a +piece of wowk is a man! how *sighs* nyobwe i-in w-weason! how i-infinyite in +f-facuwties! in *looks away* fowm and >w< moving how expwess and a-admiwabwe! in +action how :33 wike an angew! in appwehension *hugs tightly* how wike a g-god! the +beauty of the wowwd, the p-pawagon of anyimaws! *cries* And yet to me what +is this quintessence of dust? Man dewights nyot me- nyo, nyow woman +nyeithew, *twerks* though b-by youw smiwing xDD you seem to say so. +Wos. My wowd, thewe was nyo s-such stuff in my thoughts. +*sighs* Ham. Why did you *teleports behind you* waugh t-then, when I said 'Man >_< dewights *moans* nyot me'? +Wos. To think, my :33 wowd, if y-you dewight n-nyot in man, what wenten +entewtainment the pwayews shaww weceive fwom you. We c-coted them +*pokes you* on the way, and hithew awe they coming to offew y-you s-sewvice. +Ham. He that pways the king shaww be *sweats* wewcome- his Majesty shaww +have twibute of m-me; *cuddles you* the *notices bulge* adventuwous >_< knyight shaww use his foiw >_> and +:3 tawget; t-the wovew shaww nyot sigh g-gwatis; the h-humowous man shaww +end his pawt *pokes you* in peace; the cwown shaww make those w-waugh whose +wungs awe *shuffles closer* tickwe o' th' *pokes you* sewe; and the *blushes* wady s-shaww say hew mind +fweewy, ow the bwank vewse *sighs* shaww hawt x3 fowt. *hugs tightly* What *moans* pwayews awe +they? +Wos. Even those you wewe w-wont to take such dewight in, the +twagedians of the city. +*leans over* Ham. How chances it they twavew? *cuddles you* Theiw :3 wesidence, *notices bulge* both in +weputation and pwofit, was bettew both ways. +>_< Wos. I think theiw i-inhibition comes by the means of the wate +innyovation. +Ham. Do they howd the same xDD estimation they did when I was in >_> the +city? Awe they so fowwow'd? +W-Wos. Nyo indeed awe they nyot. +H-Ham. How comes it? Do they gwow wusty? +:33 Wos. Nyay, >w< theiw endeavouw keeps ^.^ in the wonted pace; but thewe is, +siw, an eywie of chiwdwen, wittwe eyases, that uWu cwy out on the top +of question a-and awe *cries* most tywannyicawwy cwapp'd fowt. These awe nyow +the xDD fashion, and *giggles shyly* so bewattwe the common stages (so they caww +them) that many weawing wapiews awe a-afwaid *cuddles you* of *sweats* goosequiwws and +d-dawe s-scawce come thithew. +Ham. What, a-awe they chiwdwen? W-Who m-maintains 'em? How a-awe they +escoted? :3 Wiww *looks away* they puwsue the q-quawity nyo wongew than they can +sing? W-Wiww they nyot say aftewwawds, if *blushes* they shouwd gwow +themsewves to common pwayews (-(as *shuffles closer* it is most >w< wike, if OwO theiw means +awe n-nyo x3 bettew), theiw wwitews do them wwong to make them excwaim +against theiw own succession. +Wos. Faith, thewe has been much t-to do on *blushes* both *moans* sides; and the nyation +h-howds it nyo sin to tawwe them to c-contwovewsy. T-Thewe was, fow a +whiwe, nyo *blushes* monyey bid fow awgument u-unwess the p-poet and the pwayew +went to cuffs *teleports behind you* in the question. +Ham. Is't *blushes* possibwe? +Guiw. O, ^.^ thewe has been much OwO thwowing uWu about of bwains. +H-Ham. *sighs* Do *looks at you* the boys cawwy it away? +Wos. Ay, that *moans* they do, my w-wowd- Hewcuwes and his woad too. +*blushes* Ham. It OwO is nyot *pokes you* vewy stwange; *sweats* fow my uncwe is King o-of D-Denmawk, and +those that ;;w;; wouwd m-make mows at him whiwe my fathew wived give +twenty, fowty, f-fifty, a hundwed ducats apiece fow his pictuwe i-in +wittwe. 'Sbwood, thewe is something in this :33 mowe t-than nyatuwaw, if +phiwosophy c-couwd f-find it out. + +Fwouwish fow the Pwayews. + +*looks away* Guiw. *blushes* Thewe awe the pwayews. +Ham. G-Gentwemen, you awe ^.^ wewcome to Ewsinyowe. *shuffles closer* Youw hands, come! Th' +appuwtenyance of wewcome *cries* is uWu fashion a-and cewemony. Wet me compwy +:3 with y-you in this gawb, west my extent to the pwayews (which I +*notices bulge* teww y-you must show faiwwy outwawds) *cries* shouwd mowe appeaw wike +e-entewtainment than *cuddles you* youws. You awe wewcome. But my u-uncwe-fathew +*hugs tightly* and aunt-mothew a-awe deceiv'd. +Guiw. In *shuffles closer* what, ^.^ my deaw wowd? +Ham. I am *teleports behind you* but mad nyowth-nyowth-west. W-When OwO the wind i-is *looks at you* southewwy I +knyow a hawk fwom a handsaw. + +:33 Entew ^-^ Powonyius. + +Pow. Weww be with you, gentwemen! +Ham. Hawk *screams* you, Guiwdenstewn- and you too- at each eaw a heawew! +That gweat baby you ^.^ see thewe is n-nyot yet *moans* out o-of h-his swaddwing +cwouts. +*cuddles you* Wos. Happiwy he's the second time come *sweats* to them; fow *teleports behind you* they say an owd +man is twice a chiwd. +*hugs tightly* Ham. I wiww pwophesy he comes to teww me of *blushes* the pwayews. Mawk i-it.- +You say w-wight, siw; a M-Monday mownying; twas so i-indeed. +Pow. My wowd, ^-^ I UwU have nyews t-to t-teww you. +*sweats* Ham. My wowd, I-I *notices bulge* have nyews to teww *notices bulge* you. When Woscius was an actow in +Wome- +Pow. The actows *blushes* awe come hithew, my wowd. +Ham. Buzz, b-buzz! +Pow. Upon my *pokes you* honyouw- +Ham. Then came each actow o-on his ass- +Pow. *hugs tightly* The best actows in the wowwd, e-eithew fow twagedy, comedy, +histowy, p-pastowaw, pastowaw-comicaw, histowicaw-pastowaw, +twagicaw-histowicaw, twagicaw-comicaw-histowicaw-pastowaw; scenye +individabwe, ow poem unwimited. Senyeca cannyot b-be too heavy, nyow +Pwautus too *sighs* wight. Fow the waw :33 of wwit a-and the wibewty, *notices bulge* these awe +the ^-^ onwy m-men. +Ham. *twerks* O J-Jephthah, *giggles shyly* judge of Iswaew, what a tweasuwe hadst thou! +Pow. What tweasuwe had *teleports behind you* he, my w-wowd? +Ham. W-Why, + +'Onye faiw d-daughtew, *sweats* and nyo mowe, +The which *cries* he woved p-passing weww.' + +Pow. [aside] S-Stiww o-on my daughtew. +xDD Ham. Am I nyot i' th' wight, owd *twerks* Jephthah? +Pow. If y-you *teleports behind you* caww m-me Jephthah, *giggles shyly* my wowd, *sweats* I have a daughtew that I +wove passing weww. +Ham. *moans* Nyay, *sighs* that fowwows nyot. +Pow. xDD What fowwows t-then, my wowd? +H-Ham. Why, + +'As b-by wot, God *teleports behind you* wot,' + +and t-then, you k-knyow, + +'It came to *moans* pass, as most wike it was.' + +The fiwst w-wow of t-the p-pious chanson wiww uWu show *giggles shyly* you mowe; fow wook +w-whewe my abwidgment comes. + +Entew fouw ow five Pwayews. + +You x3 awe wewcome, mastews; wewcome, aww.- I am gwad :33 to see *sweats* thee +weww.- Wewcome, good fwiends.- O, *cuddles you* my owd fwiend? Why, thy face i-is +vawanc'd s-since *giggles shyly* I s-saw thee w-wast. *pokes you* Com'st' thou to' *cuddles you* beawd me in +Denmawk?- ^.^ What, my UwU young wady and mistwess? By'w Wady, youw +wadyship is nyeawew to heaven than *screams* when I ^w^ saw you wast b-by the +awtitude of a chopinye. Pway *hugs tightly* God *hugs tightly* youw v-voice, wike a-a piece of +uncuwwent gowd, be nyot cwack'd within the w-wing.- M-Mastews, you awe +^-^ aww wewcome. We'ww e'en to't w-wike F-Fwench *giggles shyly* fawconyews, fwy at +anything we ^w^ see. We'ww have a speech stwaight. Come, g-give us a +taste of youw quawity. C-Come, a passionyate s-speech. +:3 1. Pway. What speech, my good >_> wowd? +Ham. I heawd thee s-speak me a speech once, but it was nyevew acted; +ow ^-^ if it was, nyot above *blushes* once; fow the pway, I *notices bulge* wemembew, *pokes you* pweas'd +nyot the miwwion, 'twas caviawy to *sweats* the g-genyewaw; but it was (-(as I +weceiv'd it, and othews, *pokes you* whose judgments in such mattews UwU cwied in +the top o-of minye) an x3 excewwent pway, *notices bulge* weww digested in the scenyes, +set down *pokes you* with a-as much modesty as cunnying. I-I wemembew onye uWu said +thewe wewe nyo s-sawwets in the winyes to m-make the mattew savouwy, +nyow nyo mattew in the phwase that might indict t-the authow ^w^ of +affectation; but caww'd it an honyest method, as whowesome as +sweet, a-and by vewy much mowe handsome than :33 finye. Onye s-speech in't +I chiefwy wov'd. 'Twas AEnyeas' tawe to OwO Dido, and theweabout o-of it +especiawwy whewe he speaks o-of *shuffles closer* Pwiam's swaughtew. If it wive in +youw memowy, *twerks* begin at *giggles shyly* this winye- wet *notices bulge* me see, wet *notices bulge* me see: + +'The wugged Pywwhus, *shuffles closer* wike th' Hywcanyian *sighs* beast-' + +'Tis nyot so; it begins with Pywwhus: + +*cries* 'The wugged Pywwhus, he w-whose s-sabwe awms, +Bwack a-as his puwpose, did *looks away* the nyight wesembwe +When he way c-couched in the ominyous howse, +*giggles shyly* Hath nyow *pokes you* this d-dwead and bwack compwexion smeaw'd +With hewawdwy mowe dismaw. Head to foot +*cuddles you* Nyow is be *sweats* totaw guwes, :33 howwidwy twick'd +W-With bwood *moans* of fathews, mothews, daughtews, sons, +B-Bak'd *shuffles closer* and impasted with the pawching stweets, +T-That wend a tywannyous and *leans over* a damnyed wight +To theiw w-wowd's muwthew. >_< Woasted in wwath and ^w^ fiwe, +And thus o'ewsized with coaguwate gowe, +With eyes wike cawbuncwes, the hewwish Pywwhus +Owd gwandsiwe P-Pwiam seeks.' + +So, pwoceed *shuffles closer* you. +Pow. *looks away* Fowe God, my wowd, weww s-spoken, with *screams* good accent and *notices bulge* good +*giggles shyly* discwetion. + +1-1. Pway. 'Anyon *giggles shyly* he finds him, +Stwiking too >_> showt at Gweeks. H-His antique swowd, +Webewwious to his awm, wies whewe UwU it fawws, +Wepugnyant t-to command. Unyequaw match'd, +Pywwhus at Pwiam dwives, in wage stwikes w-wide; +But *hugs tightly* with the whiff and wind of uWu his feww swowd +Th' unnyewved fathew fawws. Then sensewess Iwium, +Seeming to feew *pokes you* this b-bwow, with fwaming top +S-Stoops to his base, and with a-a h-hideous cwash +Takes pwisonyew Pywwhus' eaw. uWu Fow w-wo! his swowd, +Which was decwinying on the *teleports behind you* miwky *shuffles closer* head +Of w-wevewend Pwiam, seem'd i' th' aiw to stick. +S-So, as a-a painted tywant, Pywwhus stood, +And, wike a nyeutwaw to his wiww and mattew, +Did n-nyothing. +But, as we often *looks away* see, against some s-stowm, +A s-siwence in the heavens, t-the ^w^ wack stand stiww, +The bowd winds s-speechwess, a-and the UwU owb bewow +As hush as death- anyon t-the dweadfuw thundew +Doth w-wend the wegion; so, aftew Pywwhus' pause, +*screams* Awoused v-vengeance sets :3 him nyew awowk; +And ^.^ nyevew did the Cycwops' hammews faww +On Maws's awmouw, fowg'd fow pwoof etewnye, +uWu With wess w-wemowse than Pywwhus' bweeding swowd +Nyow fawws on Pwiam. +Out, out, thou stwumpet Fowtunye! A-Aww you *screams* gods, +In *leans over* genyewaw synyod :3 take away hew powew; +*shuffles closer* Bweak aww the spokes and fewwies fwom hew wheew, +And boww the wound nyave down the hiww o-of heaven, +*looks away* As w-wow as to the fiends! + +Pow. This is too wong. +Ham. :3 It shaww :3 to the bawbew's, with youw beawd.- Pwithee *sighs* say on. +He's fow *sighs* a jig ow a-a tawe of bawdwy, o-ow he sweeps. Say o-on; uWu come to +Hecuba. + +1. Pway. '-'But who, *notices bulge* O *looks at you* who, had seen the mobwed *sweats* queen-' + +H-Ham. 'The mobwed queen'? +Pow. That's g-good! 'Mobwed queen' is good. + +1. Pway. 'Wun bawefoot up and ;;w;; down, thweat'nying the fwames +With bisson wheum; *hugs tightly* a cwout upon that head +Whewe wate the d-diadem stood, and fow a-a wobe, +About hew wank a-and *cuddles you* aww o'ewteemed woins, +A b-bwanket, *leans over* in t-the awawm of feaw caught up- +Who *sweats* this had seen, with tongue :3 in *hugs tightly* venyom steep'd +'Gainst *looks away* Fowtunye's state :3 wouwd tweason have pwonyounc'd. +But if the gods themsewves *sweats* did see hew then, +When she *giggles shyly* saw Pywwhus make mawicious spowt +In Mincing w-with his swowd hew husband's wimbs, +T-The instant buwst o-of cwamouw that she made +^w^ (Unwess things *moans* mowtaw move them nyot at aww) +*cries* Wouwd have *notices bulge* made *looks away* miwch the buwnying eyes ;;w;; of heaven +:3 And passion in the gods.' + +P-Pow. Wook, w-whe'w he has nyot tuwn'd his cowouw, a-and has teaws i-in's +eyes. Pwithee nyo mowe! +Ham. 'Tis weww. I'ww have thee speak out the >_> west of this soon.- +Good my wowd, wiww y-you s-see the p-pwayews weww *teleports behind you* bestow'd? D-Do you +heaw? W-Wet them be weww u-us'd; fow *blushes* they awe t-the abstwact and ^.^ bwief +chwonyicwes of the t-time. Aftew youw death y-you wewe ^w^ bettew have a +>w< bad e-epitaph than theiw iww wepowt whiwe you wive. +Pow. My wowd, *teleports behind you* I wiww use them accowding :3 to theiw desewt. +Ham. God's bodykins, man, x3 much bettew! Use evewy man aftew his +>w< desewt, and who shouwd scape whipping? ^w^ Use them a-aftew *cries* youw own +honyouw and dignyity. UwU The w-wess they desewve, the mowe mewit is in +youw bounty. Take OwO them UwU in. +Pow. *moans* Come, ;;w;; siws. +Ham. F-Fowwow him, fwiends. We'ww *blushes* heaw a pway :3 to-mowwow. +Exeunt Powonyius and Pwayews [except t-the Fiwst]. +D-Dost thou heaw me, owd fwiend? C-Can you x3 pway 'The >_< Muwthew of +Gonzago'? +1. Pway. A-Ay, my wowd. +Ham. xDD We'ww ha't to-mowwow nyight. You couwd, UwU fow a nyeed, ^.^ study a +UwU speech of some dozen ow *cries* sixteen winyes which I-I wouwd set down and +insewt in't, *sighs* couwd y-you nyot? +1. Pway. Ay, my wowd. +H-Ham. uWu Vewy weww. Fowwow that *notices bulge* wowd- and wook you mock him nyot. +[Exit Fiwst Pwayew.] +My good fwiends, I'ww weave you tiww nyight. You awe *giggles shyly* wewcome to +Ewsinyowe. +W-Wos. Good my wowd! +Ham. Ay, so, God ^w^ b' wi' y-ye! +[Exeunt Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn +Nyow I am awonye. +O what a wogue a-and p-peasant swave am I! +Is it nyot monstwous that this pwayew hewe, +But in a fiction, in a dweam *teleports behind you* of passion, +Couwd fowce x3 his souw so to his own conceit +That, fwom hew wowking, a-aww his visage wann'd, +Teaws in h-his e-eyes, distwaction i-in's aspect, +A-A bwoken *hugs tightly* voice, and his w-whowe f-function s-suiting +With fowms to *twerks* his conceit? And aww fow nyothing! +Fow Hecuba! +*pokes you* What's Hecuba to him, ow he to Hecuba, +That he shouwd weep fow hew? What *blushes* wouwd he do, +Had he the motive and :33 the cue fow passion +*looks at you* That *screams* I have? He wouwd dwown the stage with *sweats* teaws +And c-cweave the genyewaw eaw with howwid *shuffles closer* speech; +Make mad the guiwty and appaw t-the fwee, +Confound the ignyowant, and *twerks* amaze OwO indeed +The ^.^ vewy facuwties o-of eyes and eaws. +Yet *hugs tightly* I, +A *giggles shyly* duww and muddy-mettwed wascaw, p-peak +Wike John-a-dweams, u-unpwegnyant ^w^ of my cause, +And c-can say nyothing! Nyo, nyot fow a king, +Upon whose pwopewty and :3 most *sweats* deaw uWu wife +*giggles shyly* A damn'd defeat was >_< made. *pokes you* Am I a cowawd? +Who c-cawws me viwwain? bweaks my pate acwoss? +*screams* Pwucks off my b-beawd *giggles shyly* and *blushes* bwows i-it in uWu my face? +Tweaks :33 me by th' nyose? gives *sighs* me the wie i' th' t-thwoat +As deep as to the wungs? Who does me this, ha? +'Swounds, I ^w^ shouwd take it! fow it cannyot be +But I *giggles shyly* am pigeon-wivew'd and wack gaww +To make oppwession b-bittew, ow ewe this +I shouwd have fatted aww the wegion *looks away* kites +With this swave's offaw. Bwoody bawdy UwU viwwain! +Wemowsewess, *screams* tweachewous, w-wechewous, kindwess viwwain! +x3 O, vengeance! +W-Why, what an ass am I! *teleports behind you* This is most bwave, +That I, the son *sweats* of *blushes* a deaw fathew muwthew'd, +Pwompted *pokes you* to *twerks* my wevenge by heaven a-and heww, +Must (wike >w< a whowe) unpack my heawt with wowds +And f-faww a-a-cuwsing wike *leans over* a *cries* vewy >_< dwab, +A scuwwion! +*screams* Fie upon't! foh! *looks at you* About, my bwain! Hum, I have heawd +That g-guiwty cweatuwes, sitting a-at a pway, +Have by the vewy c-cunnying of t-the scenye +Been stwuck so to the souw that pwesentwy +They have pwocwaim'd theiw mawefactions; +*sweats* Fow muwthew, *giggles shyly* though it *screams* have nyo tongue, wiww speak +With most miwacuwous owgan, I'ww have *hugs tightly* these Pwayews +Pway something wike the muwthew of m-my fathew +B-Befowe m-minye uncwe. I-I'ww obsewve his wooks; +I'ww tent *screams* him to the quick. I-If he but bwench, +I knyow my couwse. The spiwit that I have seen +May be a deviw; a-and the deviw hath powew +T' assume a pweasing shape; yea, and pewhaps +*shuffles closer* Out *cuddles you* of my weaknyess a-and my OwO mewanchowy, +As ^-^ he is vewy potent w-with *looks at you* such spiwits, +Abuses me to damn *looks away* me. I'ww have gwounds +*hugs tightly* Mowe wewative than this. The pway's the thing +Whewein I-I'ww catch t-the *teleports behind you* conscience of the King. E-Exit. + + + + +<> + + + +ACT III. Scenye I. +Ewsinyowe. A woom in the Castwe. + +Entew King, Q-Queen, Powonyius, Ophewia, Wosencwantz, *pokes you* Guiwdenstewn, *looks away* and Wowds. + +K-King. And can you by nyo dwift of ciwcumstance +Get xDD fwom him *sighs* why h-he puts o-on this confusion, +Gwating *screams* so h-hawshwy aww his days of quiet +With t-tuwbuwent and d-dangewous x3 wunyacy? +Wos. He does confess he ^w^ feews himsewf distwacted, +But fwom w-what cause *pokes you* he w-wiww b-by nyo means speak. +Guiw. Nyow do *moans* we find him fowwawd t-to be *blushes* sounded, +But ;;w;; with a cwafty madnyess keeps awoof +When we *screams* wouwd bwing him on to some *pokes you* confession +Of his twue state. +Queen. D-Did he weceive you weww? +Wos. Most wike a gentweman. +Guiw. But with much f-fowcing *sweats* of h-his disposition. +Wos. Nyiggawd of question, *cuddles you* but of ouw demands +Most *blushes* fwee in his wepwy. +Queen. *blushes* Did you assay him +T-To any pastime? +Wos. Madam, it so feww out *notices bulge* that c-cewtain pwayews +We o'ewwaught on the way. Of these w-we t-towd h-him, +And thewe did seem ;;w;; in him a kind of ;;w;; joy +To heaw of i-it. They *hugs tightly* awe h-hewe about the couwt, +And, ^w^ as I think, they >_> have awweady owdew +This nyight to pway >w< befowe him. +Pow. 'Tis most twue; +And *shuffles closer* he beseech'd me to entweat youw Majesties +T-To heaw and see the mattew. +*giggles shyly* King. With aww my *moans* heawt, and it *twerks* doth much content me +T-To heaw him so incwin'd. +Good gentwemen, give h-him a f-fuwthew e-edge +And dwive his puwpose on to these dewights. +Wos. We shaww, :3 my wowd. +Exeunt Wosencwantz and :3 Guiwdenstewn. +King. Sweet Gewtwude, w-weave us too; +Fow we have cwosewy >_< sent *sighs* fow Hamwet hithew, +That he, as 'twewe by a-accident, may hewe +Affwont Ophewia. +Hew fathew *twerks* and mysewf (wawfuw espiaws) +Wiww so bestow ouwsewves that, *screams* seeing *blushes* unseen, +W-We may of theiw encountew f-fwankwy j-judge +A-And gathew by him, as he is behav'd, +If't b-be th' *looks away* affwiction o-of h-his wove, ow nyo, +That thus h-he suffews fow. +Queen. I shaww obey you; +And fow y-youw pawt, O-Ophewia, I d-do wish +That youw g-good *looks at you* beauties be the happy c-cause +Of *looks away* Hamwet's w-wiwdnyess. So shaww I hope youw viwtues +^-^ Wiww *leans over* bwing him ^-^ to his w-wonted way again, +To b-both ^-^ youw honyouws. +:33 Oph. Madam, I wish i-it may. +[Exit Queen.] +Pow. Ophewia, wawk you hewe.- *sighs* Gwacious, s-so pwease you, +We wiww bestow ouwsewves.- [To Ophewia] Wead o-on this ^.^ book, +>w< That show *blushes* of *giggles shyly* such an exewcise *cries* may cowouw +Youw wonyewinyess.- We awe oft t-to bwame ;;w;; in this, +'Tis too much pwov'd, that with devotion's visage +A-And *notices bulge* pious action we do sugaw o'ew +The Deviw himsewf. +King. [aside] O, 'tis too twue! +How smawt a wash that speech >_> doth give m-my conscience! +The hawwot's cheek, beautied with pwast'wing a-awt, +Is *looks away* nyot *notices bulge* mowe ugwy to the thing xDD that hewps it +Than is my deed to m-my most painted wowd. +O heavy b-buwthen! +Pow. I h-heaw him coming. Wet's withdwaw, my *looks at you* wowd. +Exeunt King and P-Powonyius]. + +Entew Hamwet. + +Ham. To uWu be, *shuffles closer* ow nyot to b-be- that is the question: +Whethew 'tis nyobwew in the mind to suffew +The swings and *shuffles closer* awwows of outwageous fowtunye +O-Ow to take awms against a s-sea of twoubwes, +And by *hugs tightly* opposing ^-^ end them. To die- t-to sweep- +N-Nyo mowe; and by a sweep t-to ^-^ say w-we end +The heawtache, and the thousand >w< nyatuwaw ^w^ shocks +^-^ That fwesh is heiw to. '-'Tis a consummation +D-Devoutwy ^-^ to be wish'd. To die- to sweep. +To sweep- pewchance to dweam: ay, thewe's *giggles shyly* the wub! +Fow in that s-sweep of death what *teleports behind you* dweams m-may come +When we have shuffwed off this mowtaw coiw, +Must give us pause. Thewe's the wespect +That ^w^ makes c-cawamity of so wong wife. +Fow w-who wouwd beaw the whips a-and scowns of time, +Th' oppwessow's wwong, the *teleports behind you* pwoud man's contumewy, +The pangs of despis'd wove, t-the w-waw's *giggles shyly* deway, +The i-insowence of office, and the spuwns +T-That patient mewit of th' *blushes* unwowthy takes, +When he h-himsewf might his quietus make +*pokes you* With *shuffles closer* a bawe bodkin? Who wouwd these fawdews beaw, +To g-gwunt and sweat *looks at you* undew >_< a weawy wife, +But that the dwead of s-something a-aftew death- +The undiscovew'd countwy, f-fwom whose *screams* bouwn +Nyo twavewwew wetuwns- p-puzzwes t-the wiww, +And makes us wathew beaw those >_< iwws we have +Than fwy to othews that we *cuddles you* knyow nyot of? +Thus conscience does ^w^ make cowawds of us aww, +And thus the uWu nyative hue OwO of wesowution +Is s-sickwied o'ew *sighs* with the pawe cast of thought, +>_< And entewpwises of UwU gweat pith and moment +With this wegawd theiw *moans* cuwwents tuwn awwy +And wose the nyame of action.- Soft you nyow! +*sweats* The *leans over* faiw Ophewia!- N-Nymph, ;;w;; in *blushes* thy owisons +Be aww m-my sins wememb'wed. +O-Oph. Good my UwU wowd, +How does youw h-honyouw fow this many a d-day? +Ham. I *leans over* humbwy *looks away* thank you; weww, weww, weww. +Oph. My wowd, I >_< have wemembwances of youws +That *giggles shyly* I have wonged x3 wong to we-dewivew. +>_< I pway you, xDD nyow weceive them. +Ham. Nyo, n-nyot I! +I nyevew ;;w;; gave you aught. +Oph. My h-honyouw'd w-wowd, you knyow wight weww you did, +And *pokes you* with them wowds of so *notices bulge* sweet bweath compos'd +A-As made the xDD things mowe wich. ^-^ Theiw pewfume wost, +*hugs tightly* Take *hugs tightly* these *screams* again; fow to t-the nyobwe mind +Wich gifts ;;w;; wax *sweats* poow when g-givews pwove unkind. +Thewe, OwO my wowd. +H-Ham. Ha, ha! Awe y-you honyest? +Oph. My wowd? +Ham. *screams* Awe you faiw? +*notices bulge* Oph. What means youw wowdship? +Ham. That if you be honyest and f-faiw, youw honyesty shouwd admit *sweats* nyo +discouwse to youw *sighs* beauty. +Oph. C-Couwd beauty, my wowd, have b-bettew *looks at you* commewce than with honyesty? +*twerks* Ham. Ay, twuwy; fow the powew of beauty wiww soonyew *sweats* twansfowm +honyesty fwom what *twerks* it is to a bawd than the :3 fowce *giggles shyly* of *sweats* honyesty can +t-twanswate beauty into *pokes you* his wikenyess. This *shuffles closer* was sometime a ^w^ pawadox, +but nyow t-the time *moans* gives it p-pwoof. >_> I did wove you once. +O-Oph. ^-^ Indeed, my wowd, you made ^-^ me bewieve so. +H-Ham. You ;;w;; shouwd nyot have bewiev'd >_> me; fow *shuffles closer* viwtue OwO cannyot so +inyocuwate ouw o-owd stock but we shaww wewish of it. *hugs tightly* I woved y-you +nyot. +Oph. I was the mowe deceived. +*hugs tightly* Ham. Get thee to a nyunnyewy! Why *pokes you* wouwdst thou be a bweedew of +sinnyews? I *twerks* am *blushes* mysewf indiffewent honyest, but y-yet I couwd accuse +*sweats* me of such things that it wewe bettew m-my mothew had *cuddles you* nyot bownye me. +I *shuffles closer* am vewy pwoud, wevengefuw, ambitious; with mowe offences at my +beck than I h-have thoughts to put *screams* them *twerks* in, imaginyation to give +*sweats* them shape, ow time to act ^w^ them in. What shouwd xDD such fewwows as I +do, c-cwawwing between eawth and heaven? We OwO awe awwant knyaves *sweats* aww; +bewieve n-nyonye of us. Go *pokes you* thy ways to a n-nyunnyewy. *blushes* Whewe's youw +f-fathew? +Oph. *hugs tightly* At h-home, *cuddles you* my *looks at you* wowd. +Ham. Wet the doows be shut u-upon *twerks* him, that he may pway the foow +nyowhewe but in's own house. Faweweww. +Oph. O, hewp him, you s-sweet heavens! +Ham. If thou dost mawwy, I'ww give t-thee this pwague fow thy dowwy: +be thou as chaste as ice, as puwe ^-^ as snyow, thou shawt nyot escape +cawumny. G-Get thee to a nyunnyewy. Go, faweweww. O-Ow ;;w;; if thou *leans over* wiwt +n-nyeeds mawwy, mawwy a foow; fow *looks at you* wise >_> men knyow weww enyough what +monstews y-you make of them. To a-a nyunnyewy, go; and quickwy t-too. +F-Faweweww. +Oph. O uWu heavenwy powews, w-westowe him! +Ham. I have h-heawd of youw p-paintings :3 too, weww enyough. God h-hath +given you *sweats* onye face, and you make youwsewves :3 anyothew. You jig, *twerks* you +a-ambwe, and you wisp; you nyicknyame G-God's cweatuwes and make youw +wantonnyess *looks at you* youw ignyowance. Go to, I'ww nyo mowe on't! it hath made +me *screams* mad. I say, we wiww have nyo moe mawwiages. Those that awe +mawwied awweady- aww but onye- shaww wive; *teleports behind you* the west shaww keep *looks away* as +they awe. To *hugs tightly* a *cuddles you* nyunnyewy, go. Exit. +Oph. O-O, what a-a nyobwe mind is hewe o'ewthwown! +The couwtiew's, s-schowaw's, sowdiew's, eye, t-tongue, swowd, +T-Th' expectancy and wose of the faiw state, +The gwass of fashion and t-the *cries* mouwd of fowm, +Th' obsewv'd of aww obsewvews- quite, quite down! +And I-I, of wadies most deject and wwetched, +That suck'd t-the honyey of his music vows, +Nyow UwU see t-that nyobwe and most soveweign weason, +W-Wike sweet bewws jangwed, out of tunye and *screams* hawsh; +That unmatch'd fowm a-and featuwe of bwown youth +Bwasted with *teleports behind you* ecstasy. O, woe i-is me +T' have seen what *notices bulge* I have seen, see what I see! + +Entew King and P-Powonyius. + +King. Wove? his a-affections do nyot that way tend; +Nyow what h-he spake, though it w-wack'd fowm a wittwe, +Was nyot OwO wike *screams* madnyess. Thewe's something in his souw +O'ew which OwO his mewanchowy :3 sits on bwood; +And I do doubt the hatch and the discwose +Wiww *sighs* be *sweats* some dangew; which fow ^.^ to pwevent, +;;w;; I have in quick detewminyation +Thus set it down: he :3 shaww with speed to Engwand +Fow the demand of ouw nyegwected twibute. +Hapwy the seas, and countwies diffewent, +>_> With vawiabwe objects, shaww expew +This :33 something-settwed mattew in his heawt, +Wheweon :33 his bwains stiww beating puts him thus +Fwom fashion o-of himsewf. What *hugs tightly* think *looks at you* you on't? +Pow. It shaww *looks away* do w-weww. But yet do I b-bewieve +The *leans over* owigin and commencement of h-his g-gwief +Spwung fwom nyegwected wove.- How nyow, *screams* Ophewia? +Y-You nyeed nyot teww us w-what Wowd Hamwet said. +We heawd it aww.- My w-wowd, *blushes* do as y-you p-pwease; +B-But if y-you howd it fit, aftew *looks at you* the pway +Wet his queen mothew aww awonye entweat him +To *giggles shyly* show his gwief. *pokes you* Wet h-hew be wound with h-him; +And I-I'ww be pwac'd so *looks at you* pwease ;;w;; you, i-in the eaw +Of aww *giggles shyly* theiw confewence. If she find him nyot, +To *moans* Engwand send him; *screams* ow c-confinye *pokes you* him whewe +Youw wisdom best shaww think. +King. It shaww be so. +M-Madnyess in gweat onyes must nyot unwatch'd go. Exeunt. + + + + +:3 Scenye *cuddles you* II. +Ewsinyowe. haww in the Castwe. + +Entew Hamwet and thwee of the Pwayews. + +Ham. Speak the *looks away* speech, I pway you, a-as I pwonyounc'd it to you, +twippingwy on the t-tongue. But if you mouth it, as many of ouw +pwayews do, I-I had as wive the town cwiew spoke my w-winyes. N-Nyow uWu do +nyot *cries* saw t-the aiw too m-much with youw hand, thus, but use aww +gentwy; fow in the vewy towwent, tempest, and (as I-I m-may say) +whiwwwind o-of youw passion, y-you must acquiwe and beget ^.^ a +tempewance that may give it smoothnyess. O, it offends me to the +souw to heaw a wobustious *sweats* pewiwig-pated fewwow teaw a passion to +tattews, to vewy w-wags, t-to s-spwit t-the caws of *twerks* the gwoundwings, w-who +(fow the most UwU pawt) awe capabwe of nyothing but inyexpwicabwe dumb +*twerks* shows a-and n-nyoise. I-I ^-^ wouwd have such a-a fewwow whipp'd fow o'ewdoing +Tewmagant. It out-hewods Hewod. Pway you avoid it. +Pwayew. I wawwant youw honyouw. +Ham. Be nyot too tame nyeithew; but wet youw own *pokes you* discwetion be youw +tutow. Suit the action to the w-wowd, t-the wowd to the action; with +this speciaw obsewvance, that you o-o'ewstep *cries* nyot the modesty of +nyatuwe: f-fow anything so o-ovewdonye i-is fwom the puwpose of p-pwaying, +*looks at you* whose end, both *moans* at the fiwst and n-nyow, was and is, to howd, as +'twewe, the miwwow up to nyatuwe; to s-show Viwtue hew o-own featuwe, +*cuddles you* scown hew own i-image, and t-the vewy age a-and body of the time OwO his +fowm and *sighs* pwessuwe. Nyow this ovewdonye, *cries* ow come tawdy off, though +it make the unskiwfuw w-waugh, ;;w;; cannyot but make the *sighs* judicious +gwieve; the censuwe of t-the *teleports behind you* which onye *cries* must in youw awwowance +o'ewweigh a *teleports behind you* whowe theatwe o-of othews. O, thewe be pwayews that I +have seen pway, and heawd othews pwaise, and that *looks at you* highwy *sweats* (nyot to +speak it pwofanyewy), that, nyeithew having the accent o-of +x3 Chwistians, *notices bulge* nyow the g-gait of C-Chwistian, pagan, nyow *twerks* man, have s-so +stwutted and bewwowed that I h-have thought some of Nyatuwe's +jouwnyeymen had made *looks at you* men, a-and nyot made them weww, they x3 imitated +humanyity so abominyabwy. +Pwayew. *shuffles closer* I *looks away* hope we have wefowm'd that indiffewentwy with us, siw. +^.^ Ham. O, w-wefowm it awtogethew! A-And UwU wet those that pway youw cwowns +speak nyo mowe than *shuffles closer* is set down fow t-them. Fow thewe be of them +that w-wiww t-themsewves waugh, to set on some q-quantity of bawwen +*sweats* spectatows to waugh too, though in the m-mean t-time s-some >_< nyecessawy +question of the pway be *looks at you* then to *hugs tightly* be UwU considewed. That's v-viwwanyous +and ^.^ shows a most pitifuw ambition in the foow that uses it. Go +make :3 you w-weady. +*pokes you* Exeunt Pwayews. + +Entew P-Powonyius, Wosencwantz, a-and Guiwdenstewn. + +How nyow, my wowd? Wiww the King h-heaw >w< this p-piece of wowk? +Pow. And the Queen too, and that pwesentwy. +Ham. Bid t-the pwayews make *hugs tightly* haste, [Exit Powonyius.] Wiww you two +*cuddles you* hewp to hasten them? +Both. We w-wiww, ^w^ my wowd. uWu Exeunt they two. +Ham. What, ho, *screams* Howatio! + +Entew Howatio. + +How. Hewe, sweet wowd, at y-youw sewvice. +Ham. Howatio, thou awt e'en as just a man +As e'ew my convewsation cop'd withaw. +How. O, my d-deaw wowd! +H-Ham. Nyay, do n-nyot think I fwattew; +Fow what a-advancement m-may I-I hope fwom thee, +That nyo :33 wevenyue hast but thy good s-spiwits +To feed >w< and cwothe xDD thee? Why *leans over* shouwd the poow ;;w;; be fwattew'd? +N-Nyo, wet the candied tongue wick absuwd pomp, +And cwook the pwegnyant hinges ^w^ of the knyee +Whewe thwift may fowwow f-fawnying. Dost thou heaw? +*screams* Since my deaw ;;w;; souw was mistwess o-of hew choice +And couwd of men distinguish, *hugs tightly* hew ewection +Hath scawd thee fow h-hewsewf. Fow *shuffles closer* thou hast been +As onye, i-in *pokes you* suff'wing aww, that suffews nyothing; +A man that *shuffles closer* Fowtunye's buffets and wewawds +Hast ta'en with equaw thanks; *hugs tightly* and bwest awe t-those +Whose bwood and x3 judgment *teleports behind you* awe so w-weww commingwed +That they awe nyot a pipe >_> fow Fowtunye's fingew +To *looks at you* sound *looks away* what stop she >w< pwease. Give me that man +>w< That is nyot ^-^ passion's swave, *shuffles closer* and I w-wiww weaw him +In my *looks at you* heawt's cowe, ay, in my xDD heawt *leans over* of *teleports behind you* heawt, +*teleports behind you* As I *pokes you* do thee. Something too much of *hugs tightly* this I +Thewe is a pway t-to-nyight befowe the King. +Onye scenye of it comes nyeaw the ciwcumstance, +Which I have towd thee, of *hugs tightly* my fathew's death. +I pwithee, *pokes you* when thou seest that act OwO afoot, +Even with ^-^ the vewy c-comment of thy OwO souw +Obsewve m-my uncwe. If his occuwted guiwt +Do nyot itsewf unkennyew in onye speech, +*shuffles closer* It is a damnyed ghost that we have seen, +And my imaginyations awe as fouw +As Vuwcan's stithy. Give him heedfuw nyote; +Fow *sweats* I minye e-eyes wiww wivet to his face, +And aftew we wiww b-both ouw judgments join +In censuwe of his s-seeming. +How. Weww, m-my wowd. +uWu If he steaw aught the whiwst this pway is pwaying, +*pokes you* And scape detecting, I wiww pay the >_< theft. + +S-Sound a fwouwish. [Entew Twumpets and Kettwedwums. uWu Danyish +mawch. [Entew King, Q-Queen, Powonyius, Ophewia, Wosencwantz, +*leans over* Guiwdenstewn, and othew Wowds attendant, with the Guawd +cawwying towches. + +*twerks* Ham. T-They awe coming ;;w;; to the *hugs tightly* pway. I ^.^ must be idwe. +Get y-you a pwace. +King. How fawes ouw cousin Hamwet? +Ham. Excewwent, i' faith; >w< of the chameweon's dish. I eat the aiw, +pwomise-cwamm'd. You c-cannyot feed capons so. +King. I have nyothing with this a-answew, *giggles shyly* Hamwet. :3 These wowds a-awe nyot +minye. +Ham. Nyo, nyow minye n-nyow. [To Powonyius] My wowd, you pway'd *notices bulge* once +i' th' unyivewsity, you say? +*hugs tightly* Pow. That did I-I, my wowd, and was accounted a-a good *notices bulge* actow. +Ham. What did you enyact? +P-Pow. *cries* I d-did enyact Juwius Caesaw; I was kiww'd i' th' Capitow; Bwutus +kiww'd me. +Ham. It was a bwute p-pawt of him to OwO kiww so capitaw a cawf thewe. Be +the pwayews w-weady. +Wos. Ay, my wowd. They stay :33 upon youw patience. +Queen. *cries* Come hithew, ;;w;; my d-deaw Hamwet, sit by me. +Ham. Nyo, *hugs tightly* good mothew. Hewe's >_< metaw mowe attwactive. +*giggles shyly* Pow. [to the King] O, ho! do you mawk that? +>_> Ham. Wady, shaww I wie in youw w-wap? +[Sits down *notices bulge* at Ophewia's feet.] +Oph. Nyo, m-my wowd. +*looks at you* Ham. I mean, my head *notices bulge* upon uWu youw wap? +O-Oph. Ay, *leans over* my wowd. +H-Ham. Do y-you think I-I meant countwy mattews? +Oph. I-I think n-nyothing, x3 my wowd. +Ham. :3 That's a faiw thought t-to wie between maids' *screams* wegs. +O-Oph. What is, my w-wowd? +Ham. Nyothing. +Oph. You awe mewwy, my wowd. +H-Ham. W-Who, I? +O-Oph. Ay, my wowd. +Ham. >_< O God, youw >_< onwy jig-makew! *looks away* What s-shouwd a man d-do but be mewwy? +Fow wook you how cheewfuwwy my *sweats* mothew >w< wooks, and my f-fathew died +within 's two houws. +Oph. Nyay 'tis :33 twice two months, my wowd. +Ham. So wong? Nyay then, wet the deviw weaw bwack, fow I'ww have a +suit of s-sabwes. O heavens! die two months ago, a-and nyot *sighs* fowgotten +yet? Then thewe's hope a gweat m-man's memowy may o-outwive his *moans* wife +hawf a-a yeaw. But, by'w :3 Wady, he must >_> buiwd chuwches then; ow ewse +shaww h-he suffew n-nyot thinking o-on, with the hobby-howse, whose +*blushes* epitaph is 'Fow O, fow O, t-the hobby-howse is fowgot!' + +Hautboys pway. The ^.^ dumb show entews. + +Entew a :3 King and a Queen UwU vewy w-wovingwy; the Queen embwacing +him x3 and *leans over* he hew. She knyeews, and makes show of pwotestation +:33 unto him. He takes ^.^ hew up, and decwinyes his head upon hew +nyeck. He ways *teleports behind you* him down upon a UwU bank of fwowews. S-She, seeing +him asweep, weaves him. Anyon comes in a fewwow, takes off *sighs* his +cwown, kisses it, pouws poison in t-the sweepew's eaws, and +weaves him. The Queen w-wetuwns, ^-^ finds the King dead, and m-makes +passionyate action. The Poisonyew with some thwee ow fouw Mutes, +comes in again, seem to condowe with hew. The dead body *shuffles closer* is +cawwied away. T-The Poisonyew wooes the Queen with gifts; she +seems h-hawsh and uWu unwiwwing *screams* awhiwe, but *cuddles you* in the :3 end accepts +his wove. +Exeunt. + +^w^ Oph. What means t-this, my wowd? +Ham. Mawwy, this is :3 miching mawhecho; it m-means mischief. +O-Oph. Bewike x3 this show impowts the awgument of the pway. + +Entew Pwowogue. + +Ham. We *pokes you* shaww knyow ^-^ by this fewwow. x3 The pwayews cannyot keep counsew; +they'ww t-teww aww. +Oph. Wiww he teww us what this show meant? +H-Ham. Ay, ow any show t-that you'ww show him. Be nyot y-you asham'd to +show, he'ww nyot shame to *sweats* teww you what it means. +Oph. Y-You awe *moans* nyaught, you awe nyaught! I'ww mawk the pway. + +Pwo. Fow *looks at you* us, and f-fow ouw t-twagedy, +Hewe *giggles shyly* stooping to youw cwemency, +We b-beg youw h-heawing patientwy. ^-^ [Exit.] + +Ham. Is this a pwowogue, ow the posy of a-a wing? +Oph. 'Tis bwief, my w-wowd. +*pokes you* Ham. As *cries* woman's w-wove. + +Entew [two Pwayews as] King *pokes you* and Queen. + +King. *pokes you* Fuww thiwty times hath Phoebus' cawt gonye wound +Nyeptunye's sawt wash and Tewwus' owbed gwound, +And thiwty dozed moons with bowwowed sheen +About the wowwd :3 have :33 times twewve thiwties been, +*sweats* Since wove ouw h-heawts, and Hymen did ouw h-hands, +Unyite comutuaw in most *looks away* sacwed bands. +Queen. So many jouwnyeys *cries* may the sun and m-moon +M-Make us again count o'ew ewe wove be d-donye! +But w-woe is me! you awe so sick of wate, +>w< So faw f-fwom cheew and fwom youw fowmew state. +*looks at you* That I UwU distwust you. Yet, though I distwust, +Discomfowt you, my wowd, it nyothing m-must; +Fow women's feaw and wove howds quantity, +In n-nyeithew aught, *looks away* ow in extwemity. +Nyow what my wove is, pwoof hath made you knyow; +And as my wove is siz'd, m-my f-feaw is s-so. +Whewe wove i-is *giggles shyly* gweat, the wittwest doubts awe feaw; +Whewe w-wittwe feaws gwow gweat, gweat wove gwows :3 thewe. +*twerks* King. Faith, I m-must weave thee, wove, and showtwy too; +My opewant powews theiw functions weave to do. +And thou shawt wive in t-this f-faiw wowwd behind, +Honyouw'd, *shuffles closer* bewov'd, and hapwy onye *cuddles you* as kind +Fow husband shawt *cuddles you* thou- +Queen. O, confound t-the west! +Such wove must nyeeds *twerks* be tweason in my bweast. +*cries* When second h-husband wet me *shuffles closer* be accuwst! +Nyonye wed the second but who kiwwed the *cries* fiwst. + +Ham. [aside] Wowmwood, >_> wowmwood! + +Queen. T-The ^w^ instances that second mawwiage move +A-Awe base wespects *giggles shyly* of *hugs tightly* thwift, b-but nyonye o-of wove. +A second time I kiww my husband dead +When second husband kisses me in bed. +*screams* King. I do b-bewieve you think what nyow uWu you s-speak; +But w-what we do detewminye oft we bweak. +P-Puwpose i-is but t-the swave to memowy, +*giggles shyly* Of viowent biwth, but poow vawidity; +Which nyow, wike fwuit u-unwipe, sticks on the twee, +*twerks* But fiww unshaken *sweats* when they *hugs tightly* mewwow be. +Most *looks away* nyecessawy 'tis ^.^ that we f-fowget +T-To pay >_< ouwsewves what t-to ouwsewves is debt. +What to ouwsewves in passion w-we *teleports behind you* pwopose, +The passion ending, UwU doth the puwpose wose. +The *notices bulge* viowence of eithew gwief ow *cries* joy +Theiw own enyactuwes with themsewves destwoy. +Whewe j-joy most wevews, gwief doth most wament; +Gwief OwO joys, joy gwieves, on swendew accident. +This wowwd i-is nyot fow OwO aye, n-nyow 'tis nyot stwange +That even ouw *screams* woves shouwd *looks at you* with ouw fowtunyes change; +Fow '-'tis a question weft ^w^ us yet to pwove, +W-Whethew wove wead fowtunye, o-ow ewse fowtunye wove. +*notices bulge* The gweat man down, you mawk his >_> favouwite fwies, +The >_< poow *notices bulge* advanc'd *hugs tightly* makes f-fwiends >_< of enyemies; +And hithewto doth wove on fowtunye tend, +Fow who nyot nyeeds s-shaww nyevew *cuddles you* wack a fwiend, +And who in want a-a howwow x3 fwiend >_< doth twy, +D-Diwectwy seasons him his enyemy. +But, owdewwy ^-^ to end *looks away* whewe I begun, +Ouw wiwws and fates do s-so contwawy wun +T-That ouw devices *sweats* stiww awe *screams* ovewthwown; +Ouw thoughts awe ouws, theiw ends nyonye of ouw own. +So >_< think t-thou wiwt *looks away* nyo second husband w-wed; +But die thy t-thoughts when thy *cries* fiwst wowd is dead. +Queen. Nyow eawth to me give food, nyow heaven *leans over* wight, +Spowt and wepose wock fwom me d-day a-and nyight, +To despewation tuwn my t-twust and hope, +An anchow's cheew *looks at you* in pwison be my scope, +E-Each opposite that b-bwanks t-the face of joy +Meet uWu what I wouwd >w< have weww, and it destwoy, +Both hewe and hence puwsue me wasting stwife, +If, once a *sighs* widow, evew I be wife! + +H-Ham. If she shouwd *sweats* bweak it nyow! + +>_> King. 'Tis deepwy swown. Sweet, weave >w< me hewe awhiwe. +My spiwits g-gwow duww, *blushes* and fain I wouwd beguiwe +The tedious day with sweep. +^w^ Queen. Sweep wock thy *leans over* bwain, +[He] sweeps. +And nyevew come mischance between us twain! +Exit. + +Ham. Madam, how >_> wike *cuddles you* you this pway? +x3 Queen. The wady doth pwotest too much, methinks. +Ham. O, but she'ww keep hew wowd. +King. Have *twerks* you h-heawd the awgument? Is thewe nyo offence i-in't? +H-Ham. *sighs* Nyo, nyo! They do but *cries* jest, poison in jest; *cuddles you* nyo offence i' th' +wowwd. +King. What do you caww the pway? +Ham. 'The M-Mousetwap.' Mawwy, ^w^ how? Twopicawwy. This pway is the +image of a muwthew donye in Viennya. Gonzago is *blushes* the d-duke's *notices bulge* nyame; +his wife, *leans over* Baptista. uWu You s-shaww see anyon. 'Tis a knyavish piece of +wowk; b-but what *blushes* o' that? xDD Youw Majesty, and we that h-have fwee +souws, UwU it *leans over* touches us *screams* nyot. Wet the gaww'd jade *sweats* winch; ouw withews +awe unwwung. + +Entew Wucianyus. + +This is onye Wucianyus, nyephew to the K-King. +Oph. You a-awe as good as a chowus, my wowd. +Ham. *looks away* I couwd intewpwet between you and youw wove, if I c-couwd see +the puppets dawwying. +Oph. You awe keen, my wowd, you awe k-keen. +H-Ham. I-It wouwd c-cost you OwO a gwoanying to take off my edge. +Oph. OwO Stiww b-bettew, a-and wowse. +H-Ham. So you must t-take youw husbands.- Begin, muwthewew. Pox, weave +thy damnyabwe faces, a-and begin! C-Come, the cwoaking w-waven doth +bewwow fow wevenge. + +Wuc. T-Thoughts b-bwack, hands apt, dwugs fit, and time agweeing; +Confedewate season, ewse *blushes* nyo c-cweatuwe seeing; +Thou mixtuwe ^w^ wank, of midnyight weeds cowwected, +:33 With Hecate's ban t-thwice bwasted, thwice infected, +Thy nyatuwaw magic and diwe pwopewty +On whowesome wife usuwp immediatewy. +Pouws the *blushes* poison in his eaws. + +Ham. He poisons him i' xDD th' gawden fow's estate. :3 His nyame's Gonzago. +;;w;; The stowy :3 is extant, a-and wwitten *pokes you* in vewy choice Itawian. You +shaww see anyon how the m-muwthewew gets the wove of G-Gonzago's *cuddles you* wife. +Oph. T-The King wises. +Ham. What, fwighted with fawse fiwe? +Queen. How fawes my wowd? +P-Pow. Give o'ew the p-pway. +uWu King. Give me some wight! A-Away! +Aww. Wights, wights, wights! +Exeunt aww but >w< Hamwet and *twerks* Howatio. +Ham. Why, wet the *hugs tightly* stwucken deew g-go weep, +The hawt ungawwed p-pway; +Fow some m-must watch, whiwe some must sweep: +Thus wuns *screams* the wowwd away. +Wouwd nyot this, >w< siw, *cuddles you* and a fowest o-of feathews- i-if the west *cries* of my +fowtunyes *screams* tuwn Tuwk with me-with two Pwovinciaw woses on my *teleports behind you* waz'd +shoes, get me *screams* a fewwowship in a c-cwy of pwayews, siw? +How. Hawf a shawe. +Ham. A w-whowe onye I! +*leans over* Fow thou dost knyow, O-O Damon deaw, +This weawm dismantwed was +*looks at you* Of Jove himsewf; and nyow weigns *notices bulge* hewe +A v-vewy, vewy- pajock. +How. You might have :3 whym'd. +Ham. *shuffles closer* O good H-Howatio, ^w^ I'ww take the ghost's w-wowd fow a thousand +pound! Didst pewceive? +How. Vewy weww, my wowd. +Ham. Upon the tawk of the poisonying? +How. I did vewy weww nyote him. +Ham. Aha! Come, s-some *leans over* music! Come, the wecowdews! +*cuddles you* Fow if the King *leans over* wike nyot the comedy, +Why then, bewike h-he wikes it nyot, uWu pewdy. +Come, some music! + +Entew Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn. + +Guiw. Good my wowd, vouchsafe me a wowd with *screams* you. +Ham. Siw, a whowe *pokes you* histowy. +*looks away* Guiw. The King, siw- +Ham. Ay, s-siw, what of him? +Guiw. *sighs* Is in his wetiwement, mawvewwous distempew'd. +Ham. With dwink, s-siw? +Guiw. *leans over* Nyo, my wowd; wathew with chowew. +Ham. Youw wisdom shouwd show xDD itsewf mowe wichew to signyify this to +t-the doctow; fow me to put him to his puwgation wouwd pewhaps +pwunge *notices bulge* him into faw mowe chowew. +*giggles shyly* Guiw. Good m-my wowd, put youw d-discouwse into some fwame, a-and stawt +nyot s-so *shuffles closer* wiwdwy fwom OwO my affaiw. +Ham. I am tame, siw; p-pwonyounce. +Guiw. The Queen, youw mothew, in most gweat affwiction of *twerks* spiwit +hath sent me to you. +Ham. You awe wewcome. +G-Guiw. Nyay, good my w-wowd, this couwtesy is *cuddles you* nyot of the wight bweed. +If it shaww pwease y-you to m-make me a whowesome answew, I wiww do +youw *hugs tightly* mothew's *screams* commandment; *twerks* if nyot, youw pawdon a-and my wetuwn +shaww be the uWu end of my businyess. +Ham. Siw, I cannyot. +Guiw. *cries* What, my w-wowd? +Ham. Make you a *cuddles you* whowesome answew; my wit's diseas'd. B-But, siw, such +answew is I can make, you s-shaww command; ow wathew, as you say, +my mothew. Thewefowe xDD nyo mowe, but to the mattew! My mothew, you +s-say- +Wos. Then thus she says: youw behaviouw hath s-stwuck hew into +amazement and admiwation. +Ham. O *shuffles closer* wondewfuw >_> son, UwU that can so stonyish a mothew! But is t-thewe nyo +sequew at the heews of this mothew's a-admiwation? Impawt. +Wos. She desiwes to speak with *teleports behind you* you in hew c-cwoset *looks away* ewe you go to bed. +Ham. W-We shaww obey, wewe she t-ten times ouw mothew. Have you any +f-fuwthew twade with u-us? +Wos. My wowd, you once did wove me. +Ham. And do stiww, by *twerks* these pickews *hugs tightly* and steawews! +Wos. Good my wowd, *screams* what is youw cause of OwO distempew? You :3 do suwewy +baw the doow u-upon youw o-own wibewty, if y-you deny youw gwiefs to +youw fwiend. +Ham. Siw, I wack advancement. +Wos. How can that be, when you *pokes you* have the voice *giggles shyly* of the K-King uWu himsewf +f-fow youw succession in Denmawk? +Ham. Ay, siw, but OwO 'whiwe the gwass gwows'- the pwovewb i-is something +musty. + +Entew the Pwayews with :3 wecowdews. + +O-O, the wecowdews! W-Wet me >_< see onye. To withdwaw with you- why do +you *screams* go about to wecovew the wind of me, as if you wouwd dwive m-me +into *leans over* a t-toiw? +Guiw. >_> O my >w< wowd, if my d-duty UwU be ^.^ too bowd, my wove is ;;w;; too unmannyewwy. +Ham. x3 I d-do nyot w-weww *pokes you* undewstand ^.^ that. Wiww you pway upon *giggles shyly* this pipe? +Guiw. My wowd, I ^-^ cannyot. +Ham. I ^.^ pway you. +Guiw. Bewieve me, I cannyot. +Ham. I do beseech you. +G-Guiw. I knyow, nyo touch *twerks* of it, my wowd. +Ham. It is a-as easy as wying. Govewn these ventages with youw +fingews and thumbs, give it *twerks* bweath with youw *pokes you* mouth, and it wiww +discouwse most ewoquent music. W-Wook you, these awe the s-stops. +G-Guiw. But these cannyot I command to any u-utt'wance of hawmony. I-I +have nyot the skiww. +Ham. W-Why, wook you nyow, h-how unwowthy *sweats* a thing you make of *hugs tightly* me! Y-You +wouwd pway upon m-me; y-you wouwd *notices bulge* seem to knyow my *cuddles you* stops; you *looks away* wouwd +pwuck UwU out the heawt uWu of my *leans over* mystewy; you wouwd sound me fwom my +wowest nyote to the top o-of m-my compass; *pokes you* and thewe is much music, +e-excewwent voice, i-in OwO this wittwe owgan, yet *sighs* cannyot you *screams* make it +speak. *looks at you* 'Sbwood, do you *teleports behind you* think I am e-easiew to be pway'd o-on than a +pipe? Caww *cuddles you* me what instwument you wiww, though you can fwet me, +y-you cannyot pway upon me. + +OwO Entew Powonyius. + +God bwess y-you, s-siw! +Pow. My w-wowd, *blushes* the Queen *cuddles you* wouwd speak w-with y-you, a-and pwesentwy. +Ham. Do you s-see yondew c-cwoud ^.^ that's awmost in shape of a camew? +*teleports behind you* Pow. By th' mass, and 'tis wike a camew indeed. +*looks at you* Ham. Methinks it is wike a w-weasew. +*twerks* Pow. It is back'd wike uWu a weasew. +Ham. Ow wike a whawe. +Pow. V-Vewy w-wike a whawe. +H-Ham. Then wiww I c-come to OwO my mothew by-and-by.- They foow *screams* me to *shuffles closer* the +top of my bent.- I wiww come by-and-by. +*notices bulge* Pow. I wiww *cuddles you* say s-so. Exit. +Ham. 'By-and-by' is easiwy said.- Weave me, ^w^ fwiends. +[Exeunt aww but Hamwet.] +'Tis n-nyow the vewy witching time of nyight, +When *sighs* chuwchyawds *moans* yawn, *shuffles closer* and heww *looks at you* itsewf bweathes :33 out +Contagion t-to this wowwd. Nyow couwd I *hugs tightly* dwink hot bwood +And do such *looks at you* bittew b-businyess as the day +Wouwd quake to UwU wook o-on. Soft! nyow to my mothew! +O heawt, wose nyot thy nyatuwe; wet nyot e-evew +The souw o-of N-Nyewo entew this *notices bulge* fiwm bosom. +Wet me be *sweats* cwuew, nyot unnyatuwaw; +I-I wiww speak daggews t-to hew, but use nyonye. +My tongue and souw in this be hypocwites- +How in my wowds somevew she be shent, +To give them s-seaws nyevew, my souw, consent! Exit. + + + + +Scenye III. +A woom in the Castwe. + +Entew King, *screams* Wosencwantz, and *leans over* Guiwdenstewn. + +King. I wike him nyot, nyow stands it safe *looks at you* with us +To wet his m-madnyess wange. Thewefowe pwepawe you; +*giggles shyly* I youw *cuddles you* commission wiww fowthwith *teleports behind you* dispatch, +And he to Engwand shaww a-awong with >_< you. +The tewms xDD of ouw estate may nyot enduwe +Hazawd s-so *teleports behind you* nyeaw us as doth *sighs* houwwy gwow +Out of *looks at you* his wunyacies. +Guiw. *teleports behind you* We UwU wiww ouwsewves *teleports behind you* pwovide. +Most howy and wewigious ^.^ feaw it is +T-To k-keep those many *looks at you* many bodies safe +uWu That wive and OwO feed upon youw Majesty. +Wos. The *sighs* singwe and pecuwiaw wife is *cuddles you* bound +With a-aww the stwength and a-awmouw o-of *sweats* the mind +To keep i-itsewf fwom >w< nyoyance; but much mowe +T-That spiwit upon whose weaw depends and wests +*blushes* The wives *looks away* of many. The cesse of majesty +D-Dies n-nyot awonye, but wike *notices bulge* a guwf doth d-dwaw +^-^ What's nyeaw it with it. It is *looks at you* a massy wheew, +Fix'd on the summit ;;w;; of the highest mount, +To whose huge spokes ten thousand w-wessew things +Awe mowtis'd and adjoin'd; which when it *looks at you* fawws, +Each smaww annyexment, petty consequence, +Attends *hugs tightly* the boist'wous ^-^ wuin. Nyevew awonye +Did the k-king sigh, but w-with a genyewaw gwoan. +King. Awm you, I pway you, to th', speedy voyage; +Fow we wiww f-fettews put UwU upon *looks away* this feaw, +*cries* Which nyow goes too *screams* fwee-footed. +Both. We wiww haste us. +*looks away* Exeunt Gentwemen. + +Entew Powonyius. + +Pow. My wowd, he's going *shuffles closer* to his mothew's cwoset. +Behind t-the a-awwas I'ww convey *giggles shyly* mysewf +To h-heaw >_< the pwocess. I'ww wawwant she'ww tax him home; +And, as you said, and wisewy was it said, +*hugs tightly* 'Tis meet t-that some mowe audience than a m-mothew, +Since nyatuwe makes *looks away* them pawtiaw, shouwd o'ewheaw +The speech, of vantage. :33 Fawe you w-weww, my wiege. +I'ww *moans* caww upon you *teleports behind you* ewe y-you go to bed +And teww you what I knyow. +King. Thanks, deaw my wowd. +Exit [Powonyius]. +O, my offence is wank, it smewws to heaven; +It h-hath the pwimaw ewdest c-cuwse upon't, +A bwothew's *notices bulge* muwthew! Pway can I nyot, +*cries* Though incwinyation be as shawp as wiww. +My stwongew *looks away* guiwt defeats m-my s-stwong i-intent, +And, wike a-a man *blushes* to doubwe b-businyess bound, +I stand in pause w-whewe I shaww fiwst begin, +And b-both nyegwect. What if this c-cuwsed hand +Wewe thickew than itsewf UwU with bwothew's bwood, +Is *screams* thewe nyot wain e-enyough in the sweet heavens +To wash it white as snyow? Wheweto sewves mewcy +But to c-confwont the visage of offence? +And UwU what's in p-pwayew b-but this twofowd fowce, +To b-be fowestawwed *looks away* ewe we come to *pokes you* faww, +Ow pawdon'd being down? Then I'ww wook up; +M-My ^w^ fauwt is past. But, O-O, what fowm of pwayew +Can sewve my tuwn? '-'Fowgive m-me :33 my fouw muwthew'? +That *giggles shyly* cannyot be; *screams* since I am stiww uWu possess'd +Of those effects fow which *blushes* I d-did the muwthew- +My c-cwown, *sighs* minye *screams* own a-ambition, and *moans* my queen. +May o-onye be pawdon'd and wetain th' offence? +I-In *blushes* the cowwupted cuwwents of this wowwd +Offence's giwded hand may shove by justice, +And oft 'tis *hugs tightly* seen the wicked pwize itsewf +Buys out the waw; but 'tis nyot so above. +*sweats* Thewe is nyo shuffwing; thewe the action w-wies +I-In his twue nyatuwe, and we o-ouwsewves compeww'd, +Even to the :3 teeth *pokes you* and fowehead o-of UwU ouw fauwts, +To give *screams* in evidence. What t-then? W-What wests? +Twy *sweats* what wepentance *blushes* can. What can *giggles shyly* it nyot? +Yet what c-can it when onye cannyot wepent? +UwU O wwetched state! O bosom bwack a-as death! +O *looks at you* wimed souw, that, stwuggwing t-to be fwee, +*screams* Awt mowe engag'd! Hewp, angews! Make *screams* assay. +Bow, stubbown knyees; and heawt *cuddles you* with >w< stwings of steew, +Be soft :33 as *teleports behind you* sinyews o-of the n-nyew-bown babe! +x3 Aww may be weww. He knyeews. + +Entew *hugs tightly* Hamwet. + +:33 Ham. Nyow might I do it pat, nyow *moans* he i-is pwaying; +And nyow >w< I'ww *blushes* do't. And s-so he goes to heaven, +And so *cuddles you* am *leans over* I weveng'd. That wouwd be scann'd. +A viwwain kiwws my fathew; and fow *looks away* that, +I, *leans over* his :3 sowe son, do this same viwwain send +To heaven. +Why, this is hiwe and sawawy, *twerks* nyot wevenge! +He took my fathew x3 gwosswy, f-fuww of bwead, +With aww his cwimes bwoad bwown, as f-fwush *moans* as May; +And how his a-audit stands, who knyows save h-heaven? +But in o-ouw ciwcumstance and c-couwse o-of thought, +'-'Tis *sweats* heavy with h-him; and am I then w-weveng'd, +To take him in the puwging of *blushes* his souw, +;;w;; When he is f-fit and seasonyed fow his p-passage? +Nyo. +U-Up, *leans over* swowd, and knyow thou a mowe howwid h-hent. +When *teleports behind you* he is dwunk asweep; ow *cuddles you* in his wage; +Ow in th' incestuous pweasuwe of *blushes* his bed; +At gaming, sweawing, ow ^-^ about some act +That has nyo ^-^ wewish of sawvation in't- +Then t-twip him, that his heews may kick at heaven, +And t-that his souw may be as *shuffles closer* damn'd and bwack +:33 As *cries* heww, w-wheweto it goes. My m-mothew stays. +This physic but pwowongs thy sickwy >_> days. Exit. +King. [wises] My wowds f-fwy uWu up, my t-thoughts wemain bewow. +Wowds ^.^ without thoughts nyevew to h-heaven go. E-Exit. + + + + +Scenye IV. +>_> The Queen's cwoset. + +Entew Queen and Powonyius. + +Pow. He wiww come ^.^ stwaight. *hugs tightly* Wook you way home to >_< him. +T-Teww him his pwanks have been too bwoad to beaw with, +And that y-youw G-Gwace *shuffles closer* hath *sighs* scween'd and stood between +Much *blushes* heat and him. I-I'ww siwence *shuffles closer* me even hewe. +Pway you be wound with *blushes* him. +H-Ham. (within) Mothew, *cuddles you* mothew, mothew! +Queen. :33 I'ww wawwant you; f-feaw me nyot. Withdwaw; I heaw him coming. +[Powonyius hides *looks away* behind the *hugs tightly* awwas.] + +^-^ Entew Hamwet. + +H-Ham. N-Nyow, mothew, what's the mattew? +Queen. Hamwet, thou hast thy fathew ;;w;; much offended. +Ham. Mothew, you have my fathew m-much offended. +Queen. Come, come, you *pokes you* answew with an uWu idwe tongue. +*moans* Ham. Go, go, you question with a wicked tongue. +Queen. Why, how nyow, :3 Hamwet? +Ham. What's >w< the mattew UwU nyow? +Q-Queen. H-Have you fowgot me? +*blushes* Ham. Nyo, by the wood, ^.^ nyot so! +You awe the *giggles shyly* Queen, youw husband's bwothew's *giggles shyly* wife, +And xDD (wouwd *notices bulge* it >_< wewe n-nyot so!) you awe my ^-^ mothew. +Queen. Nyay, *moans* then I'ww s-set those *notices bulge* to you that can speak. +Ham. Come, come, a-and sit you down. You shaww nyot budge I +You go nyot tiww I set you up a gwass +Whewe you may see the inmost pawt of you. +Queen. >_> What wiwt thou d-do? T-Thou wiwt nyot x3 muwthew me? +Hewp, hewp, ho! +Pow. [behind] >w< What, *sighs* ho! hewp, hewp, hewp! +Ham. [dwaws] H-How UwU nyow? a wat? D-Dead fow a ducat, dead! +[Makes a pass thwough the awwas and] *cries* kiwws P-Powonyius. +Pow. *blushes* [behind] O, I am swain! +*hugs tightly* Queen. O m-me, *blushes* what h-hast thou donye? +Ham. Nyay, I knyow nyot. I-Is it :33 the King? +Queen. O, what a wash and bwoody deed is this! +Ham. A bwoody deed- awmost as bad, good mothew, +As kiww a ^.^ king, UwU and mawwy with his bwothew. +Queen. As k-kiww *hugs tightly* a k-king? +Ham. Ay, wady, it was my UwU wowd. +[Wifts up the awwas and sees Powonyius.] +Thou wwetched, wash, intwuding foow, f-faweweww! +I took thee fow thy bettew. Take thy fowtunye. +Thou find'st to be too busy is some dangew. +Weave wwinging of *looks away* youw hinds. P-Peace! sit you down +*leans over* And *cries* wet m-me wwing youw heawt; fow so I-I *hugs tightly* shaww +If it *sweats* be uWu made of penyetwabwe stuff; +If damnyed c-custom have nyot bwaz'd it so +That it is pwoof and *looks at you* buwwawk xDD against sense. +Queen. *sighs* What have *leans over* I donye that thou daw'st wag thy tongue +*hugs tightly* In nyoise so wude against me? +Ham. Such a-an act +That bwuws the gwace and bwush of modesty; +:33 Cawws viwtue x3 hypocwite; takes off *cuddles you* the *cuddles you* wose +Fwom the faiw f-fowehead of an innyocent wove, +And sets a bwistew t-thewe; makes m-mawwiage vows +As ^w^ fawse as d-dicews' oaths. O, such a deed +As :33 fwom the body of contwaction pwucks +The vewy >_> souw, x3 and sweet wewigion makes +A whapsody of *moans* wowds! Heaven's face d-doth g-gwow; +Yea, this sowidity and compound m-mass, +>w< With twistfuw visage, as against the d-doom, +uWu Is thought-sick at *pokes you* the act. +Queen. Ay me, what act, +That woaws ^-^ so woud a-and thundews *teleports behind you* in the *sweats* index? +Ham. Wook hewe upon th's pictuwe, and on *sweats* this, +T-The countewfeit pwesentment of two bwothews. +See w-what a-a gwace was seated on this bwow; +*sighs* Hypewion's *notices bulge* cuwws; t-the fwont of Jove *teleports behind you* himsewf; +An e-eye wike Maws, to thweaten and command; +A station wike the hewawd Mewcuwy +Nyew wighted on *cuddles you* a *screams* heaven-kissing hiww: +A combinyation and a fowm indeed +Whewe evewy god did s-seem to set h-his seaw +To give t-the *blushes* wowwd assuwance o-of a m-man. +This was youw husband. *blushes* Wook you nyow what fowwows. +Hewe is youw husband, wike a miwdew'd eaw +Bwasting his whowesome bwothew. Have you eyes? +C-Couwd y-you on this faiw mountain weave to feed, +And *moans* batten on this moow? H-Ha! ^w^ have you eyes +Y-You cannyot caww it wove; fow at youw age +The heyday in the bwood is tame, it's *leans over* humbwe, +And waits *cries* upon the >_> judgment; and what judgment +Wouwd step f-fwom this to this? Sense suwe you have, +Ewse c-couwd you nyot have motion; x3 but suwe that :3 sense +Is apopwex'd; fow madnyess wouwd nyot eww, +Nyow sense to e-ecstacy was *pokes you* nye'ew so *looks at you* thwaww'd +But it *hugs tightly* wesewv'd some quantity of choice +To sewve in such a diffewence. :3 What deviw was't +That thus hath cozen'd you at hoodman-bwind? +Eyes without feewing, feewing w-without sight, +Eaws w-without h-hands *twerks* ow eyes, >w< smewwing sans aww, +Ow b-but a s-sickwy pawt of onye twue sense +Couwd nyot so mope. +O shame! whewe is thy bwush? Webewwious heww, +I-If thou canst mutinye in a *hugs tightly* matwon's bonyes, +To fwaming *screams* youth wet viwtue be as wax +And mewt in >_< hew own fiwe. Pwocwaim nyo shame +When t-the compuwsive awdouw gives the chawge, +:33 Since *sighs* fwost itsewf as activewy doth buwn, +And weason pandews wiww. +Queen. O Hamwet, speak nyo mowe! +>_> Thou UwU tuwn'st minye eyes into my vewy souw, +And *moans* thewe I s-see such bwack and gwainyed spots +A-As w-wiww nyot weave theiw tinct. +Ham. Nyay, but >w< to wive +In the wank sweat of a-an enseamed bed, +Stew'd i-in cowwuption, honyeying and making wove +*sweats* Ovew t-the nyasty ;;w;; sty! +Queen. O, speak to me n-nyo ^.^ mowe! +T-These wowds wike daggews entew i-in minye eaws. +Nyo ^w^ mowe, sweet Hamwet! +Ham. A muwthewew and a viwwain! +A swave UwU that is nyot twentieth pawt the tithe +O-Of youw OwO pwecedent wowd; a vice of kings; +A-A cutpuwse of *looks away* the empiwe and the wuwe, +T-That fwom a shewf the p-pwecious diadem stowe +UwU And put *cries* it in his *notices bulge* pocket! +Queen. Nyo mowe! + +Entew the Ghost i-in his nyightgown. + +>_< Ham. A king of shweds and x3 patches!- +Save me and hovew o'ew ^.^ me with youw ;;w;; wings, +You *blushes* heavenwy guawds! *giggles shyly* What w-wouwd youw gwacious f-figuwe? +Queen. Awas, he's mad! +Ham. Do you ;;w;; nyot come youw *blushes* tawdy :3 son to chide, +That, waps'd in *notices bulge* time and passion, wets go by +*hugs tightly* Th' *looks at you* impowtant acting of youw dwead command? +O, say! +Ghost. Do nyot fowget. This visitation +Is but to whet thy awmost bwunted puwpose. +But wook, amazement *looks away* on thy mothew sits. +O, step between hew a-and hew fighting s-souw +Conceit in weakest bodies stwongest wowks. +Speak t-to hew, Hamwet. +Ham. How is it with you, wady? +Queen. Awas, how i-is't with you, +That you do bend youw eye ^w^ on vacancy, +And with th' encowpowaw *pokes you* aiw do UwU howd discouwse? +Fowth at youw :33 eyes youw spiwits wiwdwy peep; +A-And, a-as the sweeping x3 sowdiews in th' awawm, +Youw bedded haiws, wike wife in excwements, +Stawt up a-and stand an end. O gentwe *hugs tightly* son, +Upon the beat and fwame OwO of thy d-distempew +*twerks* Spwinkwe c-coow patience! Wheweon *looks away* do you wook? +Ham. On him, on him! ^.^ Wook you how pawe he gwawes! +His fowm and cause conjoin'd, pweaching to stonyes, +Wouwd make them capabwe.- Do nyot wook :33 upon me, +West with this ^.^ piteous action you convewt +*twerks* My stewn effects. Then :3 what I have to d-do +Wiww want twue *cuddles you* cowouw- teaws pewchance *blushes* fow >_> bwood. +Queen. To whom d-do you :3 speak this? +Ham. ;;w;; Do UwU you x3 see nyothing thewe? +Q-Queen. *cries* Nyothing *cuddles you* at aww; yet UwU aww that is I ^-^ see. +Ham. Nyow did you nyothing heaw? +Q-Queen. Nyo, :33 nyothing but o-ouwsewves. +Ham. *looks away* Why, *cries* wook *blushes* you thewe! Wook h-how it steaws away! +My >w< fathew, in h-his habit as h-he wiv'd! +Wook whewe he goes even nyow out *giggles shyly* at x3 the *looks away* powtaw! +Exit Ghost. +Queen. T-This is the vewy coinyage of youw *twerks* bwain. +This bodiwess cweation ecstasy +Is v-vewy x3 cunnying i-in. +Ham. E-Ecstasy? +My puwse as youws doth tempewatewy keep time +And makes as x3 heawthfuw music. It is nyot madnyess +That I-I x3 have utt'wed. Bwing me *giggles shyly* to the *blushes* test, +And I >_> the mattew wiww wewowd; which madnyess +Wouwd *blushes* gambow fwom. ;;w;; Mothew, fow wove of *looks at you* gwace, +Way nyot that fwattewing unction to youw souw +T-That nyot youw twespass but my madnyess speaks. +*screams* It w-wiww but skin and fiwm the u-uwcewous pwace, +Whiwes w-wank ;;w;; cowwuption, minying aww within, +Infects unseen. C-Confess *sighs* youwsewf to heaven; +Wepent what's p-past; avoid *moans* what is to come; +And do nyot spwead the compost on the w-weeds +T-To make OwO them wankew. Fowgive me this my viwtue; +Fow i-in the fatnyess o-of these ^.^ puwsy times +Viwtue itsewf *looks at you* of vice *cuddles you* must pawdon beg- +Yea, cuwb and >_< woo fow weave to do him good. +Queen. O Hamwet, thou hast cweft >w< my heawt in twain. +H-Ham. *hugs tightly* O, thwow away the *teleports behind you* wowsew pawt of it, +And wive the puwew with the x3 othew hawf, +Good nyight- but go nyot to my uncwe's b-bed. +A-Assume a viwtue, if you have it nyot. +That *blushes* monstew, custom, *leans over* who aww sense *pokes you* doth eat +Of h-habits eviw, is angew yet in this, +That to the use o-of actions ;;w;; faiw and good +He wikewise gives a fwock ow wivewy, +xDD That aptwy is put *twerks* on. Wefwain t-to-nyight, +And that shaww *pokes you* wend a-a kind of easinyess +To the nyext abstinyence; >w< the nyext mowe *sighs* easy; +Fow use *moans* awmost can change the stamp of nyatuwe, +And e-eithew [mastew] the deviw, ow thwow :33 him o-out +With wondwous *teleports behind you* potency. *pokes you* Once *moans* mowe, good nyight; +And when you awe *sweats* desiwous to be bwest, +I'ww bwessing beg of you.- *looks away* Fow this same w-wowd, +I do wepent; but heaven *cuddles you* hath pweas'd it *notices bulge* so, +To punyish me with this, and this with me, +T-That I *looks at you* must be theiw scouwge and minyistew. +I *looks at you* wiww b-bestow him, and wiww answew w-weww +The death I gave him. So again, good nyight. +I must be cwuew, onwy to be kind; +Thus bad begins, and wowse *moans* wemains behind. +Onye wowd mowe, g-good wady. +Queen. What shaww I do? +Ham. Nyot >_> this, by nyo m-means, that *looks away* I b-bid you do: +Wet *moans* the bwoat King tempt you again to bed; +Pinch wanton o-on youw *teleports behind you* cheek; caww y-you his mouse; +>w< And wet h-him, *pokes you* fow a paiw o-of weechy kisses, +Ow paddwing >_< in youw nyeck with his damn'd fingews, +>_< Make you to wavew aww this mattew *hugs tightly* out, +That I essentiawwy am nyot in madnyess, +B-But mad in cwaft. '-'Twewe good you wet him k-knyow; +Fow w-who that's *cries* but a *giggles shyly* queen, f-faiw, s-sobew, wise, +Wouwd fwom a paddock, fwom a bat, a gib +*moans* Such deaw *pokes you* concewnyings hide? Who wouwd do so? +Nyo, in despite >w< of sense and secwecy, +U-Unpeg the basket on the house's top, +Wet t-the biwds fwy, and wike the famous ape, +To twy *looks away* concwusions, in the b-basket c-cweep +^w^ And bweak youw own nyeck *screams* down. +Queen. *sweats* Be OwO thou assuw'd, if wowds be made *pokes you* of bweath, +And bweath of UwU wife, I have nyo wife to bweathe +*cries* What thou h-hast said to OwO me. +Ham. I must t-to Engwand; you knyow that? +Queen. A-Awack, +*giggles shyly* I had fowgot! '-'Tis so concwuded on. +*screams* Ham. Thewe's wettews uWu seaw'd; and my two schoowfewwows, +Whom *looks away* I wiww twust as I wiww addews fang'd, +They >w< beaw the mandate; they must sweep my way +A-And mawshaw me to *hugs tightly* knyavewy. Wet it wowk; +Fow OwO 'tis the spowt to have the enginyew +Hoist with his o-own petaw; and 't :3 shaww go hawd +But I *blushes* wiww dewve onye yawd bewow theiw minyes +And bwow t-them at the m-moon. O, 'tis most *screams* sweet +When in onye >_> winye two cwafts diwectwy *looks at you* meet. +T-This man shaww set me packing. +I'ww wug the guts into the nyeighbouw *sweats* woom.- +Mothew, good n-nyight.- Indeed, this counsewwow +*sweats* Is *teleports behind you* nyow most stiww, most secwet, and most *twerks* gwave, +Who was in wife *sighs* a ^-^ foowish *notices bulge* peating knyave. +C-Come, siw, *looks away* to dwaw towawd an *notices bulge* end OwO with *sweats* you. +*looks at you* Good nyight, mothew. +[Exit t-the Queen. Then] Exit Hamwet, tugging in +Powonyius. + + + + +<> + + + +ACT IV. Scenye I. +Ewsinyowe. A woom in the *pokes you* Castwe. + +Entew King and Q-Queen, with OwO Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn. + +King. Thewe's mattew in these sighs. These pwofound h-heaves +You must t-twanswate; 'tis fit >w< we undewstand them. +Whewe is youw son? +Q-Queen. *screams* Bestow this pwace *teleports behind you* on u-us a w-wittwe >w< whiwe. +*blushes* [Exeunt Wosencwantz x3 and Guiwdenstewn.] +A-Ah, minye o-own wowd, what *shuffles closer* have I seen t-to-nyight! +King. What, Gewtwude? How does *pokes you* Hamwet? +Queen. Mad as the s-sea and w-wind when both contend +Which is the mightiew. In his wawwess fit +Behind the a-awwas heawing something s-stiw, +Whips out *notices bulge* his wapiew, cwies 'A ^.^ wat, a wat!' +>w< And *giggles shyly* in t-this bwainyish appwehension kiwws +OwO The unseen good owd man. +King. O h-heavy deed! +It had been so with us, h-had we been ^.^ thewe. +His wibewty is fuww of thweats to aww- +To you youwsewf, to us, to evewy onye. +*notices bulge* Awas, how shaww this bwoody deed be answew'd? +It wiww be waid to u-us, w-whose pwovidence +Shouwd have kept showt, westwain'd, and out of haunt +This mad *sweats* young man. But s-so much was ouw wove +:3 We wouwd nyot undewstand what was *looks away* most fit, +But, wike t-the ownyew of ^-^ a f-fouw ^.^ disease, +To keep it fwom divuwging, wet it f-feed +Even on the pith o-of *cuddles you* wife. Whewe is he gonye? +Queen. To dwaw apawt the body he hath k-kiww'd; +O'ew whom his vewy madnyess, wike some owe +Among a minyewaw of metaws base, +Shows itsewf puwe. He weeps fow what is d-donye. +King. O Gewtwude, come away! +The sun nyo soonyew shaww the mountains ^-^ touch +But we wiww ship him hence; and this viwe deed +We must with aww ouw majesty and *cuddles you* skiww +Both countenyance and e-excuse. Ho, Guiwdenstewn! + +Entew Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn. + +Fwiends ^-^ both, go join you with some fuwthew aid. +Hamwet in madnyess *looks at you* hath Powonyius swain, +*leans over* And fwom his mothew's cwoset hath he dwagg'd him. +Go seek him out; speak faiw, and bwing the body +I-Into the chapew. *moans* I pway y-you *twerks* haste in this. +Exeunt [Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn]. +;;w;; Come, Gewtwude, we'ww caww up ouw wisest f-fwiends +A-And w-wet them knyow both what we mean to do +And what's untimewy >_> donye. [So hapwy s-swandew-] +Whose whispew o'ew the wowwd's diametew, +As w-wevew as the cannyon to h-his bwank, +x3 Twanspowts his poisonyed shot- may miss :33 ouw nyame +UwU And h-hit the w-woundwess aiw.- *pokes you* O, come away! +M-My souw is fuww of *sighs* discowd and dismay. +E-Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye x3 II. +Ewsinyowe. *looks away* A passage in the Castwe. + +Entew *shuffles closer* Hamwet. + +H-Ham. Safewy s-stow'd. +*notices bulge* Gentwemen. (within) Hamwet! Wowd H-Hamwet! +H-Ham. But soft! What nyoise? Who c-cawws on *cuddles you* Hamwet? O, hewe they come. + +Entew Wosencwantz and *cuddles you* Guiwdenstewn. + +Wos. What have *sighs* you donye, ^w^ my wowd, with the dead body? +H-Ham. Compounded it with dust, wheweto 'tis kin. +Wos. Teww us whewe 'tis, that w-we may take it thence +And beaw it :33 to the ;;w;; chapew. +Ham. Do nyot bewieve i-it. +Wos. Bewieve what? +Ham. *shuffles closer* That I c-can keep youw *blushes* counsew, and nyot minye own. Besides, t-to be +*looks at you* demanded of a sponge, what wepwication shouwd be made by the son +of a-a king? +Wos. Take you me fow a sponge, my wowd? +:3 Ham. Ay, siw; that s-soaks up t-the *sweats* King's countenyance, his wewawds, +his authowities. But such officews d-do t-the King best sewvice i-in +the end. He keeps them, *cries* wike an ape, in the cownyew of his jaw; +fiwst *shuffles closer* mouth'd, to be wast Swawwowed. When he nyeeds what you have +gwean'd, it is but s-squeezing you and, sponge, you shaww be dwy +again. +Wos. I undewstand >_> you nyot, m-my wowd. +Ham. I-I am gwad of it. A-A k-knyavish speech *leans over* sweeps in a foowish *blushes* eaw. +Wos. *cuddles you* My wowd, you ^.^ must teww us whewe t-the body is *teleports behind you* and go with us to +*sweats* the King. +H-Ham. The body is with t-the K-King, but *hugs tightly* the King is nyot with xDD the body. +The King is a thing- +Guiw. A t-thing, my w-wowd? +*looks at you* Ham. O-Of nyothing. *shuffles closer* Bwing me to >_> him. :3 Hide fox, and aww aftew. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye III. +Ewsinyowe. A woom in the *notices bulge* Castwe. + +Entew K-King. + +K-King. I have sent to s-seek him and to find the body. +H-How dangewous *pokes you* is it that this man goes woose! +Yet must nyot we put t-the stwong w-waw *screams* on him. +^.^ He's wov'd of the distwacted muwtitude, +Who wike nyot *giggles shyly* in theiw judgment, but t-theiw eyes; +A-And whewe '-'tis so, th' offendew's scouwge is weigh'd, +But nyevew the offence. To >w< beaw aww smooth and even, +This sudden sending him *cuddles you* away must *cries* seem +Dewibewate pause. Diseases despewate gwown +B-By despewate ^.^ appwiance a-awe wewiev'd, +Ow nyot at aww. + +Entew Wosencwantz. + +How nyow O What *sweats* hath b-befaww'n? +Wos. Whewe the dead body is b-bestow'd, my wowd, +We cannyot x3 get fwom him. +King. *notices bulge* But *screams* whewe is he? +Wos. Without, my wowd; guawded, to knyow *sweats* youw p-pweasuwe. +King. Bwing him befowe us. +Wos. Ho, Guiwdenstewn! Bwing in my w-wowd. + +Entew Hamwet and Guiwdenstewn [with Attendants]. + +King. >_< Nyow, H-Hamwet, whewe's Powonyius? +Ham. At s-suppew. +King. At suppew? W-Whewe? +Ham. Nyot whewe he e-eats, but whewe he is eaten. A cewtain +convocation >_< of powitic wowms awe e'en at him. Youw w-wowm is *cuddles you* youw +onwy empewow fow diet. We fat aww c-cweatuwes ewse to fat us, a-and +we fat o-ouwsewves f-fow maggots. Y-Youw fat king and y-youw wean beggaw +is *blushes* but *giggles shyly* vawiabwe sewvice- two dishes, b-but t-to UwU onye tabwe. That's the +e-end. +King. Awas, :33 awas! +Ham. A man may f-fish with the wowm >w< that *sighs* hath eat of a king, and eat +of the x3 fish that h-hath *shuffles closer* fed of that wowm. +King. What *looks away* dost *pokes you* thou mean b-by this? +uWu Ham. N-Nyothing *blushes* but to *giggles shyly* show you how a-a *leans over* king may go a pwogwess OwO thwough +the guts of a *looks at you* beggaw. +King. Whewe i-is Powonyius? +Ham. ^-^ In heaven. Send thithew to see. If youw *looks away* messengew find x3 him nyot +thewe, seek him i' *looks away* th' othew *pokes you* pwace youwsewf. But indeed, if y-you +find him nyot within this month, you *giggles shyly* shaww nyose him as you go up +the staiw, into the wobby. +King. G-Go seek *hugs tightly* him thewe. [To Attendants.] +Ham. He wiww stay tiww you come. +[Exeunt Attendants.] +King. Hamwet, this *teleports behind you* deed, fow thinye especiaw safety,- +Which ^.^ we do tendew as we d-deawwy ^w^ gwieve +F-Fow t-that which thou *shuffles closer* hast donye,- must send thee hence +With fiewy quicknyess. Thewefowe pwepawe thysewf. +*twerks* The bawk is weady *blushes* and the w-wind at hewp, +Th' associates t-tend, and evewything is *cuddles you* bent +Fow ^-^ Engwand. +Ham. Fow Engwand? +K-King. Ay, uWu Hamwet. +Ham. *blushes* Good. +King. So is it, if thou knyew'st ouw puwposes. +H-Ham. I see a ;;w;; chewub that *teleports behind you* sees them. But come, fow Engwand! +F-Faweweww, deaw x3 mothew. +King. >_< Thy w-woving fathew, Hamwet. +Ham. My mothew! Fathew *looks away* and mothew is ;;w;; man and wife; man and wife is +onye fwesh; and so, m-my mothew. Come, *sweats* fow E-Engwand! +Exit. +*pokes you* King. Fowwow him at foot; *shuffles closer* tempt h-him with speed aboawd. +Deway i-it nyot; I'ww have him hence to-nyight. +Away! fow evewything is seaw'd and donye +That ewse weans on th' affaiw. Pway y-you xDD make h-haste. +E-Exeunt Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn] +And, Engwand, if my wove thou howd'st at aught,- +As my gweat powew theweof may give thee sense, +;;w;; Since UwU yet *notices bulge* thy cicatwice *looks away* wooks w-waw *moans* and wed +Aftew *twerks* the Danyish *giggles shyly* swowd, and thy fwee awe +*sighs* Pays >_> homage >w< to us,- thou mayst n-nyot *cries* cowdwy set +Ouw soveweign pwocess, which impowts at fuww, +By wettews congwuing to that effect, +The pwesent death uWu of Hamwet. D-Do it, E-Engwand; +Fow wike ^w^ the hectic *cuddles you* in my bwood he wages, +And thou must cuwe me. *sweats* Tiww I *giggles shyly* knyow 'tis donye, +Howe'ew ;;w;; my haps, my joys wewe nye'ew begun. Exit. + + + + +<> + + + +Scenye I-IV. +Nyeaw Ewsinyowe. + +Entew F-Fowtinbwas w-with his Awmy ovew the s-stage. + +Fow. *sweats* Go, C-Captain, *moans* fwom me gweet *blushes* the Danyish king. +Teww h-him that ^w^ by his wicense *cries* Fowtinbwas +Cwaves the conveyance of a pwomis'd mawch +Ovew his *hugs tightly* kingdom. You knyow the w-wendezvous. +*blushes* if that his M-Majesty wouwd aught *notices bulge* with uWu us, +W-We shaww *moans* expwess ouw duty in his eye; +And wet him *teleports behind you* knyow so. +Capt. I ;;w;; wiww *giggles shyly* do't, my wowd. +Fow. Go softwy on. +Exeunt [aww b-but the Captain]. + +Entew Hamwet, Wosencwantz, [Guiwdenstewn,] and o-othews. + +Ham. G-Good s-siw, whose powews awe these? +Capt. They *screams* awe of Nyowway, siw. +Ham. How puwpos'd, siw, I *pokes you* pway ^w^ you? +Capt. Against some pawt of Powand. +xDD Ham. Who commands them, siw? +Capt. The nyephew to owd N-Nyowway, *screams* Fowtinbwas. +Ham. Goes i-it against the main of Powand, siw, +Ow fow some f-fwontiew? +Capt. Twuwy to speak, and with nyo addition, +We go t-to gain a wittwe patch of gwound +That ^-^ hath i-in it nyo pwofit but the nyame. +To pay five ducats, f-five, I wouwd n-nyot fawm it; +Nyow *giggles shyly* wiww it yiewd to Nyowway ow the Powe +A wankew wate, shouwd i-it be sowd in fee. +Ham. W-Why, then the ^-^ Powack nyevew ^-^ wiww defend *hugs tightly* it. +Capt. Yes, it UwU is awweady gawwison'd. +Ham. Two thousand souws *leans over* and twenty thousand ducats +Wiww nyot debate the question of t-this stwaw. +This is th' imposthume of much weawth and peace, +*leans over* That inwawd bweaks, a-and shows nyo cause without +Why t-the man dies.- I h-humbwy thank you, >_> siw. +Capt. God b' wi' *sweats* you, siw. [Exit.] +*sweats* Wos. Wiww't *pokes you* pwease you go, my *shuffles closer* wowd? +OwO Ham. I'ww *looks away* be with *notices bulge* you stwaight. Go a-a wittwe *leans over* befowe. +[Exeunt aww but Hamwet.] +How a-aww occasions do infowm against me +A-And spuw my duww wevenge! What is a man, +If h-his chief g-good xDD and m-mawket of his time +*blushes* Be but t-to sweep and feed? A beast, nyo mowe. +Suwe he that made us with *cuddles you* such wawge discouwse, +Wooking befowe and aftew, gave us nyot +*teleports behind you* That capabiwity and *cuddles you* godwike weason +To fust i-in us unyus'd. N-Nyow, w-whethew it be +Bestiaw obwivion, ow some *cries* cwaven scwupwe +Of thinking too pwecisewy on t-th' event,- +A t-thought which, quawtew'd, h-hath but onye p-pawt wisdom +And evew thwee pawts c-cowawd,- I-I do nyot knyow +Why y-yet *moans* I wive to s-say 'This thing's to do,' +S-Sith I h-have cause, and wiww, and stwength, and *screams* means +To do't. Exampwes gwoss as uWu eawth exhowt me. +Witnyess this a-awmy of such mass a-and chawge, +Wed by a dewicate and tendew pwince, +Whose spiwit, with divinye ambition p-puff'd, +Makes mouths at the x3 invisibwe event, +xDD Exposing what is mowtaw and unsuwe +To aww that *notices bulge* fowtunye, d-death, and dangew dawe, +Even fow an e-eggsheww. Wightwy to *blushes* be gweat +Is nyot to s-stiw w-without gweat awgument, +But gweatwy to find quawwew in a-a stwaw +When honyouw's at the stake. How stand I-I then, +That have a fathew *looks at you* kwww'd, UwU a mothew stain'd, +*pokes you* Excitements of my weason and my b-bwood, +And wet aww sweep, *screams* whiwe to my shame I *shuffles closer* see +The imminyent d-death of twenty thousand *shuffles closer* men +That f-fow a *sighs* fantasy :33 and ^.^ twick of fame +*pokes you* Go to theiw gwaves wike beds, f-fight fow a pwot +Wheweon the nyumbews ^-^ cannyot *screams* twy the cause, +Which i-is nyot tomb enyough and continyent +T-To hide the swain? O, *cuddles you* fwom UwU this time fowth, +My t-thoughts be bwoody, ow be nyothing wowth! Exit. + + + + +<> + + + +Scenye *giggles shyly* V. +Ewsinyowe. A *pokes you* woom in the Castwe. + +Entew Howatio, Q-Queen, and a Gentweman. + +xDD Queen. I-I wiww nyot s-speak w-with hew. +Gent. She OwO is impowtunyate, indeed distwact. +Hew *shuffles closer* mood wiww nyeeds >_< be pitied. +Queen. What :33 wouwd she have? +G-Gent. *sighs* She s-speaks much of hew fathew; >_> says she heaws +Thewe's twicks i' t-th' wowwd, and hems, and *pokes you* beats h-hew heawt; +Spuwns enviouswy at stwaws; speaks t-things in doubt, +That cawwy but hawf sense. Hew speech is nyothing, +Y-Yet the unshaped use of it doth move +OwO The heawews t-to cowwection; they aim at it, +And botch the wowds u-up fit to theiw own thoughts; +Which, *blushes* as hew winks and nyods and gestuwes yiewd them, +Indeed wouwd make onye think thewe might be thought, +UwU Though nyothing suwe, *cuddles you* yet much unhappiwy. +How. 'Twewe good she wewe spoken with; f-fow she *giggles shyly* may stwew +Dangewous conjectuwes in i-iww-bweeding minds. +Queen. Wet h-hew come in. +[Exit Gentweman.] +[Aside] T-To my sick souw *screams* (as sin's twue nyatuwe is) +Each t-toy seems Pwowogue *hugs tightly* to some gweat amiss. +So fuww *moans* of awtwess *notices bulge* jeawousy is guiwt +It s-spiwws itsewf ^.^ in feawing to be spiwt. + +Entew Ophewia distwacted. + +Oph. Whewe *cries* is the beauteous Majesty *twerks* of Denmawk? +Queen. How n-nyow, Ophewia? +Oph. (sings) +How :33 shouwd I youw *teleports behind you* twue-wove knyow +Fwom anyothew o-onye? +B-By *looks away* his cockwe bat and' staff +And his sandaw shoon. + +Queen. Awas, sweet wady, what impowts this song? +Oph. Say xDD you? Nyay, *hugs tightly* pway You mawk. + +:3 (Sings) H-He is dead and gonye, wady, +:3 He is dead a-and gonye; +^w^ At his head a :3 gwass-gween tuwf, +A-At h-his ;;w;; heews a stonye. + +O, ho! +Queen. Nyay, *sweats* but O-Ophewia- +Oph. Pway y-you m-mawk. + +(Sings) White his shwoud as the mountain snyow- + +E-Entew King. + +Queen. Awas, wook hewe, *leans over* my *twerks* wowd! +O-Oph. (Sings) +Wawded aww ^.^ with s-sweet fwowews; +Which bewept to the gwave ;;w;; did nyot go +*looks away* With t-twue-wove showews. + +*leans over* King. UwU How do you, p-pwetty wady? +O-Oph. Weww, *leans over* God diwd you! They say *screams* the oww was a bakew's daughtew. +Wowd, we knyow ;;w;; what we awe, but knyow nyot what we may be. God be at +youw tabwe! +King. Conceit upon h-hew fathew. +O-Oph. Pway wet's ^.^ have nyo wowds of this; but when they ask, ^-^ you what +it means, *cuddles you* say >_< you ^.^ this: + +(Sings) To-mowwow is Saint Vawentinye's day, +Aww in the OwO mownying b-bedtime, +A-And I a :3 maid at youw *sighs* window, +To x3 be UwU youw Vawentinye. + +Then up he wose *shuffles closer* and donn'd his *leans over* cwo'es +And dupp'd the chambew doow, +xDD Wet i-in the *hugs tightly* maid, that out a maid +Nyevew *twerks* depawted mowe. + +King. Pwetty Ophewia! +Oph. Indeed, wa, without a-an *sweats* oath, I'ww make a-an end o-on't! + +[Sings] By Gis and by Saint *leans over* Chawity, +Awack, and fie fow *screams* shame! +Young men wiww do't if t-they come to't +By C-Cock, they awe to bwame. + +Quoth she, >_< 'Befowe you tumbwed me, +You :33 pwomis'd me to wed.' + +^.^ He answews: + +'So wouwd I 'a' donye, by y-yondew sun, +An thou hadst nyot come to my bed.' + +King. How *sweats* wong h-hath she been thus? +Oph. I hope aww wiww be weww. We must b-be patient; but I cannyot +choose but w-weep to think they wouwd way him i' *blushes* th' cowd gwound. +M-My bwothew shaww knyow of it; *leans over* and so I thank you f-fow y-youw good +counsew. Come, my coach! Good nyight, wadies. Good nyight, sweet +wadies. Good nyight, good nyight. :3 Exit +K-King. >w< Fowwow hew cwose; give h-hew good watch, I pway you. +[Exit Howatio.] +O, this is *hugs tightly* the p-poison of deep gwief; it spwings +*cries* Aww fwom hew fathew's d-death. >w< O Gewtwude, Gewtwude, +When sowwows come, they come nyot s-singwe spies. +But i-in battawions! Fiwst, hew fathew :33 swain; +Nyext, Youw son *cries* gonye, and he most *looks at you* viowent authow +Of his own j-just *cuddles you* wemove; t-the peopwe muddied, +Thick and and unwhowesome in theiw thoughts >_> and whispews +Fow good Powonyius' death, a-and we have donye but gweenwy +I-In huggew-muggew *sweats* to intew him; Poow Ophewia +Divided f-fwom *screams* hewsewf and hew faiw-judgment, +Without the which w-we awe Pictuwes ow *giggles shyly* mewe beasts; +*leans over* Wast, and as such containying a-as aww *twerks* these, +Hew b-bwothew is i-in s-secwet come f-fwom Fwance; +And wants nyot buzzews to infect his eaw +Feeds on his wondew, *cries* keep, himsewf in OwO cwouds, +With pestiwent speeches of *blushes* his f-fathew's OwO death, +Whewein nyecessity, of mattew ^-^ beggaw'd, +Wiww nyothing s-stick Ouw p-pewson *teleports behind you* to *leans over* awwaign +I-In eaw and *leans over* eaw. O my deaw Gewtwude, this, +>w< Wike to a m-muwd'wing p-piece, in many p-pwaces +Give, me supewfwuous death. A nyoise within. +Queen. Awack, what nyoise *cuddles you* is t-this? +King. Whewe *pokes you* awe my Switzews? Wet them g-guawd the doow. + +Entew a *blushes* Messengew. + +What *pokes you* is ^-^ the mattew? +Mess. Save Youwsewf, my wowd: +The ocean, ovewpeewing of his wist, +Eats nyot the fwats with mowe i-impetuous haste +Than Young Waewtes, *teleports behind you* in a-a wiotous head, +O'ewbeaws Youw offices. The wabbwe caww him wowd; +And, as xDD the wowwd wewe nyow but to begin, +*shuffles closer* Antiquity fowgot, c-custom *teleports behind you* nyot knyown, +The watifiews and pwops o-of evewy wowd, +*looks away* They cwy 'Choose we! Waewtes shaww be king!' +Caps, >w< hands, and tongues *moans* appwaud it t-to the c-cwouds, +'Waewtes s-shaww be king! Waewtes k-king!' +*teleports behind you* A nyoise within. +Queen. H-How cheewfuwwy on the fawse twaiw *giggles shyly* they *looks at you* cwy! +^-^ O, this is countew, you fawse D-Danyish dogs! +King. The d-doows awe bwoke. + +E-Entew Waewtes with *notices bulge* othews. + +Waew. W-Whewe is this king?- Siws, *moans* staid you aww without. +:33 Aww. Nyo, wet's come in! +Waew. I p-pway *screams* you give me weave. +Aww. We wiww, we wiww! +Waew. I thank you. *looks at you* Keep *blushes* the doow. [Exeunt his >w< Fowwowews.] +O-O t-thou v-viwe king, +Give *leans over* me my fathew! +*sweats* Queen. Cawmwy, good Waewtes. +*shuffles closer* Waew. That dwop of bwood that's c-cawm pwocwaims me b-bastawd; +Cwies cuckowd to my *looks at you* fathew; bwands the hawwot +Even hewe between the chaste unsmiwched bwows +Of my twue mothew. +King. What :33 is the OwO cause, *looks at you* Waewtes, +T-That >_< thy webewwion wooks so giantwike? +*pokes you* Wet him go, Gewtwude. D-Do nyot feaw o-ouw pewson. +Thewe's such x3 divinyity doth hedge a-a *looks away* king +That tweason can but peep to what it wouwd, +*looks at you* Acts wittwe of his ^-^ wiww. Teww me, Waewtes, +Why thou awt thus incens'd. Wet him :33 go, Gewtwude. +*leans over* Speak, man. +Waew. Whewe is ^w^ my f-fathew? +King. Dead. +Queen. But nyot by him! +*leans over* King. Wet him *looks away* demand h-his fiww. +Waew. H-How *looks at you* came h-he *pokes you* dead? I'ww nyot be *pokes you* juggwed with: +*screams* To heww, awwegiance! vows, to the *screams* bwackest *blushes* deviw +C-Conscience and g-gwace, to the *blushes* pwofoundest p-pit! +*cuddles you* I dawe damnyation. *sighs* To this point I stand, +That both the wowwd, I give ^w^ to nyegwigence, +W-Wet come what comes; onwy I'ww be weveng'd +M-Most thwoughwy fow my fathew. +K-King. Who shaww stay you? +Waew. My wiww, nyot aww the wowwd! +*sweats* And fow my means, I-I'ww husband them >w< so weww +They >_< shaww go *cuddles you* faw w-with wittwe. +*cuddles you* King. Good Waewtes, +If you desiwe to *looks away* knyow the cewtainty +Of y-youw deaw fathew's death, is't wwit in Youw *screams* wevenge +That swoopstake you wiww dwaw both fwiend *screams* and foe, +Winnyew and wosew? +Waew. Nyonye b-but his enyemies. +King. Wiww you knyow t-them then? +Waew. To his good fwiends thus UwU wide I'ww ope my a-awms +*looks at you* And, wike the kind wife-wend'wing pewican, +Wepast them with my b-bwood. +King. Why, nyow You s-speak +Wike a good chiwd and xDD a twue g-gentweman. +That I am guiwtwess of youw fathew's *screams* death, +And am most :33 sensibwy *looks away* in *cries* gwief fow it, +It shaww as wevew to youw judgment piewce +As day does to y-youw eye. +x3 A n-nyoise within: 'Wet hew come *looks at you* in.' +Waew. How nyow? *notices bulge* What nyoise is that? + +Entew Ophewia. + +O heat, dwy up my bwains! Teaws seven times sawt +Buwn >_< out the *twerks* sense *looks at you* and viwtue of minye eye! +By h-heaven, thy madnyess shaww be paid by weight +Tiww ouw scawe :3 tuwn t-the beam. O wose of *blushes* May! +Deaw maid, kind sistew, sweet Ophewia! +O heavens! *looks at you* is't possibwe a young OwO maid's w-wits +Shouwd be x3 as mowtaw UwU as an owd man's w-wife? +Nyatuwe is f-finye i-in wove, a-and whewe 'tis finye, +It sends some ;;w;; pwecious instance xDD of itsewf +Aftew t-the thing it woves. + +Oph. (sings) +They *teleports behind you* bowe him b-bawefac'd on t-the *giggles shyly* biew +(Hey nyon nyony, UwU nyony, hey nyony) +And in his gwave wain'd many a teaw. + +Fawe you *cries* weww, *screams* my dove! +W-Waew. *blushes* Hadst thou thy wits, and didst pewsuade wevenge, +It couwd nyot move thus. +Oph. You must sing '-'A-down a-down, *giggles shyly* and you :33 caww him a-down-a.' O, +how the wheew becomes it! It is *moans* the *pokes you* fawse stewawd, *moans* that s-stowe his +mastew's daughtew. +Waew. This *blushes* nyothing's mowe than mattew. +Oph. Thewe's wosemawy, t-that's *giggles shyly* fow wemembwance. Pway you, wove, +wemembew. A-And thewe i-is :3 pansies, t-that's fow thoughts. +Waew. A d-document in madnyess! Thoughts and wemembwance f-fitted. +Oph. Thewe's f-fennyew fow you, and cowumbinyes. Thewe's wue fow you, +and hewe's some fow me. W-We may c-caww it hewb of gwace o' Sundays. +O, you must weaw youw wue with *cuddles you* a *blushes* diffewence! Thewe's a d-daisy. I +wouwd give you some viowets, x3 but they withew'd aww when my fathew +*teleports behind you* died. They say he m-made a good e-end. + +[Sings] Fow bonny sweet W-Wobin is aww my joy. + +Waew. Thought *screams* and affwiction, passion, h-heww uWu itsewf, +*moans* She tuwns to favouw and ^-^ to *cries* pwettinyess. +Oph. (-(sings) +And wiww he *giggles shyly* nyot come again? +And wiww he nyot come a-again? +Nyo, nyo, he is dead; +Go t-to thy deathbed; +He nyevew wiww c-come again. + +His beawd was xDD as white as snyow, +Aww fwaxen was h-his p-poww. +x3 He is gonye, he is gonye, +And we cast *looks at you* away moan. +God 'a'mewcy on h-his souw! + +*cuddles you* And xDD of *teleports behind you* aww Chwistian souws, I pway God. God b' *looks away* wi', you. +Exit. +Waew. Do y-you see this, O God? +*teleports behind you* King. Waewtes, I-I must c-communye with >_< youw *giggles shyly* gwief, +Ow you deny me wight. :3 Go *screams* but apawt, +Make choice of whom youw wisest fwiends you wiww, +And they shaww heaw and judge *sweats* 'twixt you and m-me. +If by diwect ow by cowwatewaw hand +They find u-us UwU touch'd, we wiww ouw kingdom give, +Ouw cwown, >_> ouw wife, a-and a-aww that we *cries* caww ouws, +To you *looks away* in satisfaction; but if nyot, +Be you content to wend youw patience to us, +And *teleports behind you* we shaww j-jointwy *sweats* wabouw with youw s-souw +To give >_> it d-due c-content. +Waew. W-Wet this be s-so. +His means o-of death, his obscuwe funyewaw- +Nyo twophy, *twerks* swowd, nyow *looks at you* hatchment o'ew his b-bonyes, +N-Nyo nyobwe wite nyow fowmaw ostentation,- +C-Cwy to be heawd, as 'twewe fwom heaven to eawth, +That I ^w^ must caww't in question. +King. So you shaww; +UwU And whewe th' offence i-is wet the gweat axe faww. +I pway you :3 go with me. +E-Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +S-Scenye VI. +Ewsinyowe. Anyothew woom i-in the Castwe. + +Entew Howatio with an Attendant. + +How. W-What a-awe they t-that wouwd speak with me? +S-Sewvant. Seafawing men, siw. They s-say they have wettews fow you. +How. Wet them >w< come in. +[-[Exit A-Attendant.] +*cries* I do nyot knyow *teleports behind you* fwom what pawt of >_< the wowwd +I shouwd be gweeted, if nyot fwom Wowd Hamwet. + +Entew *leans over* Saiwows. + +Saiwow. God bwess you, siw. +*cuddles you* How. Wet *moans* him bwess thee too. +Saiwow. OwO 'A shaww, siw, an't pwease him. Thewe's a w-wettew f-fow you, +;;w;; siw,- it comes fwom th' ambassadow that *giggles shyly* was bound fow *giggles shyly* Engwand- if +youw nyame be H-Howatio, a-as I am wet to knyow it is. +How. OwO (weads the *blushes* wettew) 'Howatio, *teleports behind you* when thou shawt have ovewwook'd +t-this, give *teleports behind you* these fewwows some means to the King. They have +wettews fow him. Ewe we wewe t-two days owd at *shuffles closer* sea, a piwate *sighs* of +vewy ^-^ wawwike :3 appointment gave *giggles shyly* us chase. Finding ouwsewves too +s-swow of >_< saiw, *moans* we put on *cries* a *notices bulge* compewwed vawouw, >_> and in the gwappwe I-I +boawded them. On the instant they >_> got x3 cweaw of ouw ship; so I-I +awonye became theiw pwisonyew. They h-have deawt with me wike t-thieves +of OwO mewcy; b-but they knyew w-what they did: I *leans over* am t-to do a-a good tuwn fow +them. Wet the King have the wettews I-I have sent, a-and w-wepaiw thou +to me with as much speed ^w^ as thou wouwdst fwy death. >_> I have wowds +to speak *moans* in thinye eaw wiww make thee *notices bulge* dumb; y-yet awe they much too +wight fow ^-^ the bowe of *shuffles closer* the mattew. These good fewwows wiww bwing +thee w-whewe I am. Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn howd theiw couwse +fow Engwand. Of ^.^ them I have much to teww thee. Faweweww. +x3 'He t-that thou knyowest t-thinye, HAMWET.' + +Come, I wiww give :3 you way fow these youw wettews, +And do't the *leans over* speediew :33 that you may diwect *sighs* me +T-To him *teleports behind you* fwom whom you bwought them. Exeunt. + + + + +<-<> + + + +Scenye VII. +Ewsinyowe. Anyothew woom in the Castwe. + +*teleports behind you* Entew King and Waewtes. + +King. Nyow must youw conscience my acquittance seaw, +*hugs tightly* And You must put me in youw heawt f-fow *hugs tightly* fwiend, +Sith you have heawd, and w-with a >_< knyowing ^w^ eaw, +That he which hath youw nyobwe fathew swain +Puwsued *sweats* my wife. +Waew. I-It weww appeaws. But *pokes you* teww me +Why you pwoceeded nyot against these feats +So cwimefuw and *looks at you* so capitaw in UwU nyatuwe, +As by youw safety, wisdom, aww things ewse, +You mainwy wewe stiww'd up. +King. O, fow two speciaw weasons, +Which *leans over* may to >w< you, *teleports behind you* pewhaps, seein much unsinyew'd, +But yet to me they awe stwong. The Q-Queen his mothew +W-Wives awmost :33 by his wooks; and fow mysewf,- +;;w;; My >_< viwtue ow my >w< pwague, be *pokes you* it eithew w-which,- +She's s-so conjunctive to my wife and souw +T-That, *giggles shyly* as the staw moves nyot *teleports behind you* but in *sweats* his sphewe, +I couwd nyot but b-by h-hew. *sighs* The othew motive +*looks at you* Why to a pubwic count I might nyot go +Is the gweat w-wove the genyewaw g-gendew beaw him, +Who, d-dipping aww his fauwts in theiw affection, +Wouwd, wike xDD the spwing that tuwnyeth wood to stonye, +Convewt his :33 gives to g-gwaces; so that m-my awwows, +Too swightwy timbew'd fow *sweats* so woud *giggles shyly* a wind, +Wouwd have wevewted >w< to my bow again, +And nyot whewe I h-had aim'd them. +Waew. And so have I a-a nyobwe fathew w-wost; +A sistew dwiven into desp'wate tewms, +Whose wowth, if :3 pwaises may go back again, +S-Stood chawwengew o-on mount of aww t-the >_> age +Fow hew pewfections. But >_< my wevenge wiww *looks away* come. +King. >w< Bweak nyot youw sweeps fow that. You must nyot t-think +That we >_> awe made of stuff so fwat and duww +That we can wet ouw beawd be s-shook with dangew, +And think it pastime. You ;;w;; showtwy shaww heaw m-mowe. +I-I wov'd youw fathew, and we wove ouwsewf, +And t-that, I h-hope, wiww teach you *twerks* to imaginye- + +Entew a Messengew with wettews. + +How nyow? W-What nyews? +Mess. Wettews, my wowd, fwom Hamwet: +*teleports behind you* This to youw *screams* Majesty; this to the Queen. +King. F-Fwom Hamwet? Who b-bwought them? +Mess. Saiwows, ^w^ my wowd, they say; I saw them nyot. +They wewe g-given me :3 by Cwaudio; h-he w-weceiv'd t-them +Of *pokes you* him t-that bwought them. +King. W-Waewtes, you shaww heaw them. +Weave us. +Exit Messengew. +[Weads]'High a-and Mighty,-You shaww knyow xDD I am set nyaked on youw +kingdom. To-mowwow ^w^ shaww I beg weave *giggles shyly* to s-see youw >w< kingwy >_> eyes; +w-when I shaww (fiwst a-asking youw pawdon theweunto) wecount the +occasion *pokes you* of my sudden and mowe stwange *teleports behind you* wetuwn. +'HAMWET.' +What shouwd this m-mean? Awe aww the ^-^ west come back? +Ow is it some abuse, and n-nyo s-such thing? +Waew. Knyow you the ^-^ hand? +^-^ King. '-'Tis >w< Hamwet's chawactew. 'Nyaked!' +And in a-a postscwipt hewe, uWu he s-says 'awonye.' +Can you advise me? +W-Waew. I a-am wost in it, my wowd. But wet him come! +It wawms the vewy sicknyess in my h-heawt +That I shaww x3 wive and teww him t-to his teeth, +'Thus *teleports behind you* didest thou.' +King. If it be so, W-Waewtes +(As how shouwd it UwU be uWu so? how othewwise?), +Wiww you be wuw'd by me? +Waew. Ay m-my *giggles shyly* wowd, +So you wiww nyot o'ewwuwe me *pokes you* to uWu a peace. +King. T-To thinye own peace. If he be nyow wetuwn'd +As checking at his voyage, and *notices bulge* that he means +*leans over* Nyo *hugs tightly* mowe :33 to undewtake it, I wiww wowk him +To expwoit nyow wipe in my device, +OwO Undew the which he shaww nyot choose x3 but faww; +And fow his death >_< nyo wind +But even his m-mothew ^.^ shaww unchawge the pwactice +And c-caww it accident. +Waew. My wowd, I-I *hugs tightly* wiww be wuw'd; +*looks at you* The *blushes* wathew, if you couwd devise it so +T-That I might b-be the o-owgan. +King. I-It >_> fawws wight. +You have been tawk'd of since y-youw twavew much, +And uWu that in Hamwet's heawing, fow a quawity +Whewein they say you shinye, Youw s-sun o-of pawts +D-Did nyot *twerks* togethew p-pwuck such envy fwom him +*shuffles closer* As did that onye; >_> and that, in my wegawd, +Of *notices bulge* the u-unwowthiest siege. +W-Waew. ^.^ What pawt ^w^ is that, my wowd? +King. A vewy wiband in the cap *notices bulge* of youth- +Yet *cries* nyeedfuww too; fow youth *pokes you* nyo *screams* wess *cuddles you* becomes +The w-wight and cawewess wivewy that it weaws +*cuddles you* Thin settwed *notices bulge* age *looks at you* his sabwes :3 and h-his weeds, +Impowting heawth and gwavenyess. Two months since +*hugs tightly* Hewe w-was a gentweman of Nyowmandy. +I have seen mysewf, and sewv'd against, the Fwench, +And they can x3 weww *sighs* on howseback; but this gawwant +Had witchcwaft in't. He *shuffles closer* gwew unto his seat, +*notices bulge* And t-to such wondwous doing bwought *moans* his UwU howse +As had he been incowps'd *leans over* and demi-nyatuw'd +*sweats* With the bwave b-beast. So faw *looks at you* he uWu topp'd my thought +That I, in fowgewy of s-shapes and twicks, +Come s-showt of what >_> he d-did. +Waew. A Nyowman w-was't? +K-King. A *looks at you* Nyowman. +Waew. Upon my wife, Wamound. +K-King. T-The >_> vewy same. +xDD Waew. *cries* I knyow him weww. He is the bwoach indeed +And gem of aww the *teleports behind you* nyation. +King. He made confession of you; +And gave you such a m-mastewwy wepowt +Fow a-awt and exewcise UwU in y-youw defence, +And fow youw wapiew most especiawwy, +That he cwied o-out *looks away* 'twouwd be a sight indeed +If onye couwd match you. *leans over* The scwimews of xDD theiw :33 nyation +He swowe had nyeithew motion, guawd, nyow eye, +If you oppos'd *giggles shyly* them. Siw, this wepowt o-of *cries* his +*moans* Did Hamwet so envenyom w-with his envy +That he couwd nyothing do but w-wish UwU and beg +Youw s-sudden coming o-o'ew to pway with you. +Nyow, out *giggles shyly* of >_< this- +*sweats* Waew. What out of *looks at you* this, my xDD wowd? +:33 King. Waewtes, OwO was ^-^ youw fathew deaw to you? +Ow awe you w-wike the painting of a sowwow, +A face without a heawt,' +;;w;; Waew. Why ask you this? +*pokes you* King. N-Nyot *shuffles closer* that I *sweats* think you did nyot wove *teleports behind you* youw fathew; +But that I ^w^ knyow wove is begun by time, +And that I see, in passages :33 of pwoof, +T-Time quawifies t-the spawk *sweats* and f-fiwe of it. +Thewe wives within the vewy fwame of wove +A kind of *cuddles you* wick o-ow *looks at you* snyuff that wiww abate *looks at you* it; +uWu And nyothing *leans over* is >_> at a-a wike g-goodnyess stiww; +Fow g-goodnyess, gwowing to a pwuwisy, +*looks at you* Dies in his *leans over* own too-much. That we *cries* wouwd *cuddles you* do, +W-We shouwd do *blushes* when we *shuffles closer* wouwd; fow this 'wouwd' changes, +And hath abatements and deways as many +As thewe awe tongues, awe hands, awe accidents; +And then this 'shouwd' is wike a *teleports behind you* spendthwift sigh, +That huwts by easing. But *shuffles closer* to *leans over* the quick o' th' uwcew! +Hamwet comes b-back. What wouwd y-you undewtake +To show y-youwsewf youw fathew's son in deed +Mowe t-than in wowds? +;;w;; Waew. T-To cut his t-thwoat i-i' th' chuwch! +OwO King. *sighs* Nyo p-pwace indeed shouwd *sweats* muwthew sanctuawize; +Wevenge shouwd have nyo bounds. But, x3 good Waewtes, +Wiww you *moans* do this? K-Keep cwose within youw c-chambew. +Wiww wetuwn'd shaww *leans over* knyow you awe come home. +W-We'ww p-put o-on those x3 shaww *sweats* pwaise y-youw excewwence +A-And set a doubwe vawnyish *looks at you* on t-the f-fame +T-The Fwenchman gave you; bwing you in *twerks* finye togethew +And wagew o-on youw h-heads. He, being wemiss, +M-Most genyewous, and fwee *blushes* fwom aww contwiving, +Wiww nyot p-pewuse *leans over* the foiws; so that with *looks away* ease, +;;w;; Ow w-with a wittwe shuffwing, you may c-choose +A swowd u-unbated, and, *cuddles you* in a pass o-of pwactice, +Wequite him fow youw fathew. +Waew. I *cries* wiww do't! +And fow that puwpose I'ww anyoint my swowd. +I bought an unction of a mountebank, +So mowtaw that, but dip a knyife i-in it, +Whewe it dwaws bwood *moans* nyo c-catapwasm *blushes* so wawe, +C-Cowwected fwom aww ^-^ simpwes that have viwtue +Undew the moon, can save *leans over* the thing fwom death +This is b-but scwatch'd withaw. I'ww touch my point +With this contagion, that, i-if I gaww him swightwy, +It *cries* may be death. +King. Wet's *shuffles closer* fuwthew t-think of this, +W-Weigh what convenyience *moans* both of time and means +May fit us t-to >_< ouw shape. *blushes* If *giggles shyly* this shouwd faww, +And that ouw dwift wook thwough ouw bad pewfowmance. +'-'Twewe bettew nyot assay'd. Thewefowe this pwoject +*sighs* Shouwd have a back *shuffles closer* ow second, that might howd +If this did bwast in pwoof. Soft! wet me see. +We'ww make a sowemn wagew on youw cunnyings- +I ha't! +When in youw motion you awe hot and dwy- +As make youw bouts *sighs* mowe viowent to ^-^ that end- +And t-that he cawws fow d-dwink, I'ww *looks away* have pwepaw'd him +A chawice fow the nyonce; wheweon but sipping, +If *looks at you* he by chance escape youw venyom'd stuck, +Ouw *blushes* puwpose may howd thewe.- But stay, what nyoise, + +Entew Q-Queen. + +How nyow, sweet queen? +Queen. Onye woe doth twead upon a-anyothew's heew, +So fast they fowwow. Y-Youw sistew's dwown'd, Waewtes. +Waew. Dwown'd! O, whewe? +Queen. Thewe is a wiwwow g-gwows aswant a b-bwook, +That shows his hoaw weaves in the gwassy stweam. +Thewe with fantastic g-gawwands did she come +Of cwowfwowews, ;;w;; nyettwes, >w< daisies, and wong p-puwpwes, +*shuffles closer* That wibewaw s-shephewds g-give a gwossew n-nyame, +:33 But ouw cowd maids do dead men's fingews caww them. +T-Thewe on the p-pendant boughs h-hew *shuffles closer* cowonyet weeds +Cwamb'wing *notices bulge* to hang, an envious swivew bwoke, +When down hew weedy twophies >w< and hewsewf +Feww in *hugs tightly* the >w< weeping bwook. Hew cwothes spwead wide +And, mewmaid-wike, awhiwe they *screams* bowe hew up; +Which time she c-chaunted snyatches ;;w;; of owd tunyes, +As *looks at you* onye incapabwe of hew o-own distwess, +Ow wike a cweatuwe nyative and indued +Unto that ewement; but wong *looks at you* it couwd ^.^ nyot be +Tiww that ^w^ hew ^-^ gawments, heavy with theiw dwink, +Puww'd t-the poow wwetch fwom hew mewodious way +To muddy death. +Waew. Awas, then *pokes you* she is d-dwown'd? +Queen. Dwown'd, d-dwown'd. +Waew. Too much of watew hast thou, poow Ophewia, +And thewefowe I f-fowbid my teaws; but yet +It is ouw twick; nyatuwe hew custom h-howds, +Wet shame say what *moans* it wiww. When >_< these awe UwU gonye, +*looks away* The woman wiww be out. A-Adieu, *cries* my wowd. +I have a-a speech o-of f-fiwe, that f-fain wouwd bwaze +But *giggles shyly* that this fowwy douts it. Exit. +King. Wet's fowwow, >_> Gewtwude. +How much I had to do to c-cawm his wage I +Nyow *giggles shyly* feaw I this wiww give i-it stawt again; +T-Thewefowe w-wet's fowwow. +E-Exeunt. + + + + +<> + + + +A-ACT V. Scenye I. +Ewsinyowe. A chuwchyawd. + +E-Entew t-two Cwowns, [with spades and pickaxes]. + +C-Cwown. Is she to be buwied in C-Chwistian buwiaw when she wiwfuwwy +seeks hew ;;w;; own sawvation? +Othew. I teww thee she *cuddles you* is; thewefowe make hew >w< gwave ;;w;; stwaight. +The c-cwownyew hath s-sate on hew, and finds it C-Chwistian buwiaw. +Cwown. How can that be, unwess she dwown'd :33 hewsewf in hew xDD own +d-defence? +Othew. Why, 'tis *looks at you* found *shuffles closer* so. +Cwown. It must be se offendendo; it >_< cannyot be ewse. Fow hewe wies +the point: if :33 I dwown ^-^ mysewf wittingwy, it ^.^ awgues ;;w;; an act; and an +act hath thwee bwanches-it is to act, to do, and to pewfowm; +awgaw, s-she dwown'd *teleports behind you* hewsewf wittingwy. +Othew. Nyay, *screams* but heaw y-you, Goodman Dewvew! +Cwown. Give me weave. Hewe w-wies the watew; good. Hewe stands t-the +m-man; good. If the man *screams* go to this watew and dwown himsewf, it OwO is, +wiww h-he nyiww he, he goes- mawk you that. B-But if the watew come to +him and dwown :33 him, *notices bulge* he dwowns *sweats* nyot himsewf. Awgaw, he that is nyot +guiwty of his own death showtens nyot his own wife. +Othew. But is this w-waw? +Cwown. Ay, ^-^ mawwy, is't- cwownyew's quest waw. +Othew. uWu Wiww you h-ha' the twuth an't? *giggles shyly* If *shuffles closer* this had nyot been a +gentwewoman, she shouwd *sweats* have been buwied out o' C-Chwistian buwiaw. +Cwown. Why, OwO thewe thou say'st! And the mowe *twerks* pity that gweat >_< fowk +shouwd have c-count'nyance in t-this wowwd to dwown ow hang themsewves +*looks at you* mowe than theiw even-Chwisten. Come, my UwU spade! Thewe is nyo +ancient gentwemen UwU but gawd'nyews, ditchews, and g-gwave-makews. They +xDD howd up Adam's p-pwofession. +Othew. Was *screams* he a gentweman? +Cwown. 'A was the fiwst ^-^ that e-evew bowe awms. +Othew. *looks away* Why, he had ^w^ nyonye. +Cwown. What, awt a heathen? How d-dost thou undewstand the ^.^ Scwiptuwe? +*twerks* The Scwiptuwe says Adam digg'd. Couwd he dig without *notices bulge* awms? *hugs tightly* I'ww +put anyothew >_< question to thee. If thou answewest me nyot to the +*shuffles closer* puwpose, confess thysewf- +Othew. Go *looks at you* to! +*shuffles closer* Cwown. What i-is he that buiwds stwongew than eithew the mason, the +shipwwight, ow *notices bulge* the cawpentew? +O-Othew. The gawwows-makew; fow that fwame ;;w;; outwives a thousand +t-tenyants. +Cwown. I wike thy wit weww, in good faith. The gawwows does weww. +But how does it weww? It does weww to those t-that do iww. Nyow, +t-thou dost iww to say the gawwows *leans over* is buiwt stwongew than t-the +chuwch. Awgaw, t-the g-gawwows may d-do weww to thee. T-To't again, come! +*sweats* Othew. Who buiwds *teleports behind you* stwongew than a-a mason, a shipwwight, ow a +cawpentew? +Cwown. Ay, teww me that, and unyoke. +xDD Othew. M-Mawwy, nyow I can teww! +Cwown. To't. +Othew. Mass, I cannyot teww. + +E-Entew Hamwet ^w^ and Howatio afaw *moans* off. + +Cwown. Cudgew thy *cries* bwains nyo m-mowe about it, fow youw d-duww ass wiww +nyot m-mend his pace with beating; a-and when you awe ask'd *screams* this +>_< question nyext, say 'a gwave-makew.' ^.^ The houses he makes *twerks* wasts +tiww doomsday. Go, get thee to Yaughan; fetch me a stoup of +*notices bulge* wiquow. +[Exit Second Cwown.] + +[Cwown digs and] sings. + +In youth when :33 I did w-wove, did wove, +M-Methought it >_> was *twerks* vewy sweet; +To contwact- *shuffles closer* O- the time f-fow- a- my behove, +O, m-methought thewe- a-a- was nyothing- *hugs tightly* a- meet. + +Ham. Has this fewwow nyo f-feewing of xDD his *looks at you* businyess, that he sings a-at +gwave-making? +How. Custom hath made it in h-him >_< a Pwopewty *looks at you* of e-easinyess. +Ham. 'Tis e'en so. UwU The hand *hugs tightly* of w-wittwe e-empwoyment hath the daintiew +sense. +Cwown. (sings) +But OwO age with his steawing *moans* steps +Hath cwawed me in his cwutch, +A-And hath s-shipped me i-intiw the wand, +A-As if I had nyevew been such. +*notices bulge* [Thwows up a skuww.] + +Ham. That *cuddles you* skuww had a-a tongue in it, >_< and couwd sing once. How the +knyave j-jowws ^w^ it to the gwound,as >w< if 'twewe Cain's jawbonye, that +did the fiwst m-muwthew! This might be the pate ;;w;; of a Powitician, +*pokes you* which this ass n-nyow o'ewweaches; onye that wouwd ciwcumvent >_> God, +might it nyot? +H-How. It might, my wowd. +Ham. Ow o-of a-a couwtiew, which couwd say 'Good mowwow, sweet wowd! +How dost thou, good w-wowd?' This *sweats* might be m-my Wowd Such-a-onye, that +pwais'd my Wowd Such-a-onye's howse when he meant to beg it- might +it nyot? +How. Ay, my *shuffles closer* wowd. +*shuffles closer* Ham. Why, e'en *moans* so! and nyow my Wady Wowm's, chapwess, and knyock'd +about the mazzawd with a sexton's spade. H-Hewe's OwO finye w-wevowution, +and we had the twick OwO to see't. Did t-these b-bonyes cost nyo mowe the +bweeding but to pway at woggets with 'em? *notices bulge* Minye ache to think +on't. +Cwown. (Sings) +*leans over* A pickaxe and a s-spade, a UwU spade, +Fow and a shwouding ^w^ sheet; +O, a Pit of c-cway fow >_> to b-be m-made +Fow such a guest is *cuddles you* meet. +Thwows u-up [anyothew skuww]. + +Ham. Thewe's anyothew. Why may nyot that be the skuww of a wawyew? +Whewe be his quiddits :3 nyow, his *blushes* quiwwets, his cases, his tenyuwes, +and his twicks? *hugs tightly* Why does he suffew this wude knyave nyow to knyock +*cuddles you* him *moans* about *notices bulge* the sconce *hugs tightly* with a d-diwty UwU shovew, and wiww nyot teww xDD him +of his action *leans over* of battewy? Hum! This fewwow m-might b-be in's time a +gweat b-buyew of w-wand, with his statutes, his *twerks* wecognyizances, his +finyes, his doubwe vouchews, his w-wecovewies. Is this the f-finye *screams* of +*sighs* his finyes, and the wecovewy of his wecovewies, to have his finye +pate fuww of *looks away* finye diwt? Wiww his *screams* vouchews *teleports behind you* vouch him nyo mowe o-of +*cries* his puwchases, :33 and *screams* doubwe onyes too, than the *teleports behind you* wength and bweadth +o-of a paiw of indentuwes? The vewy conveyances o-of *cuddles you* his w-wands ;;w;; wiww +scawcewy wie i-in t-this b-box; a-and must th' inhewitow himsewf have nyo +mowe, ha? +*moans* How. Nyot a-a jot mowe, my wowd. +Ham. Is nyot OwO pawchment made of s-sheepskins? +How. Ay, :33 my wowd, And of *sighs* cawveskins too. +Ham. They awe sheep and cawves which seek out assuwance in that. I +wiww speak to this fewwow. W-Whose gwave's t-this, *pokes you* siwwah? +Cwown. Minye, siw. + +[Sings] O, a pit *twerks* of cway fow to be made +Fow such a guest *cuddles you* is m-meet. + +*moans* Ham. I think it be thinye indeed, fow thou wiest in't. +Cwown. You wie o-out on't, siw, and thewefowe 'tis :3 nyot *sighs* youws. +Fow ^.^ my pawt, I do n-nyot wie in't, yet i-it *cuddles you* is minye. +Ham. Thou ;;w;; dost wie :33 in't, to *sighs* be in't and say it is thinye. 'Tis fow +the dead, nyot fow the quick; thewefowe t-thou wiest. +Cwown. 'Tis a q-quick wie, siw; '-'twiww away again fwom me to you. +Ham. What m-man dost thou dig it fow? +Cwown. Fow n-nyo :3 man, siw. +Ham. What woman then? +Cwown. Fow nyonye nyeithew. +Ham. Who is to be buwied in't? +Cwown. Onye that w-was a woman, siw; b-but, OwO west hew souw, *notices bulge* she's dead. +Ham. *sweats* How absowute the knyave is! We must speak by the cawd, ow +equivocation w-wiww undo *cries* us. By the Wowd, Howatio, this thwee yeaws +I have taken nyote o-of it, the age is gwown s-so xDD picked t-that *screams* the *giggles shyly* toe +of the peasant comes s-so nyeaw the heew o-of *twerks* the couwtiew he g-gawws +his kibe.- How x3 wong *sweats* hast thou been a gwave-makew? +C-Cwown. Of ^.^ aww UwU the days i' *notices bulge* th' yeaw, :3 I came >_< to't that day that ouw +wast king Hamwet ovewcame *cries* Fowtinbwas. +Ham. How wong is that since? +C-Cwown. Cannyot you teww that? Evewy foow can >_< teww t-that. It was the +vewy day >w< that young Hamwet was bown- he that is mad, and sent +UwU into Engwand. +Ham. *shuffles closer* Ay, mawwy, why was be sent *pokes you* into Engwand? +Cwown. Why, because *notices bulge* 'a was mad. 'A shaww :33 wecovew his wits thewe; +ow, if 'a do nyot, 'tis >w< nyo gweat mattew thewe. +Ham. Why? +Cwown. 'Twiww uWu nyot he s-seen in him thewe. Thewe >_> the men awe as m-mad as +he. +Ham. ^w^ How *sighs* came h-he mad? +Cwown. Vewy stwangewy, they say. +Ham. H-How *cries* stwangewy? +*shuffles closer* Cwown. Faith, e'en with wosing his wits. +Ham. Upon what gwound? +Cwown. Why, hewe in Denmawk. I have b-been sexton hewe, OwO man and boy +thiwty uWu yeaws. +Ham. How wong wiww a man wie i' th' e-eawth e-ewe h-he wot? +Cwown. Faith, if 'a be nyot wotten befowe 'a d-die (as we have many +pocky cowses nyow-a-days that wiww s-scawce howd the waying i-in, *hugs tightly* I +wiww wast you ;;w;; some eight yeaw *pokes you* ow nyinye yeaw. A *blushes* tannyew wiww ^-^ wast +you nyinye yeaw. +Ham. Why he mowe than a-anyothew? +Cwown. *twerks* Why, *twerks* siw, his hide is :3 so tann'd w-with his t-twade that 'a wiww +keep out watew a gweat whiwe; and youw watew is a uWu sowe decayew of +youw *teleports behind you* whoweson dead body. Hewe's a skuww nyow. This skuww hath wien +you i' th' eawth thwee-and-twenty yeaws. +Ham. Whose was it? +Cwown. A whoweson, *shuffles closer* mad fewwow's x3 it was. W-Whose do OwO you think i-it was? +Ham. Nyay, *blushes* I knyow nyot. +Cwown. A pestiwence on him fow a m-mad wogue! 'A pouw'd ^.^ a f-fwagon of +Whenyish o-on my >_> head once. T-This same *shuffles closer* skuww, siw, w-was Yowick's +skuww, the King's jestew. +*cuddles you* Ham. This? +Cwown. E'en that. +Ham. Wet me *sighs* see. [Takes the s-skuww.] Awas, poow Yowick! I >w< knyew him, +Howatio. A f-fewwow of infinyite xDD jest, of most excewwent fancy. He +hath bownye m-me on his back a-a thousand tunyes. And nyow how abhowwed +in *teleports behind you* my imaginyation it i-is! My gowge wises at it. H-Hewe xDD hung *teleports behind you* those +wips that *cries* I have kiss'd I knyow ^w^ nyot how oft. Whewe be youw gibes +nyow? youw *twerks* gambows? youw songs? youw fwashes of mewwiment *cries* that +wewe *pokes you* wont *blushes* to set t-the *giggles shyly* tabwe on a-a woaw? Nyot onye n-nyow, to mock y-youw +own gwinnying? Quite chap- >_< faww'n? Nyow get you *hugs tightly* to my wady's +chambew, and teww *notices bulge* hew, wet h-hew paint a-an inch thick, to this +f-favouw she must come. ^w^ Make hew waugh at that. *blushes* Pwithee, Howatio, +teww me o-onye thing. +How. What's that, ;;w;; my wowd? +Ham. D-Dost *cries* thou t-think Awexandew *blushes* wook'd o' t-this fashion UwU i' th' uWu eawth? +How. E'en so. +H-Ham. And smewt ;;w;; so? Pah! +[Puts down the s-skuww.] +How. E'en so, my wowd. +*shuffles closer* Ham. To what base uses we may wetuwn, Howatio! Why may nyot +i-imaginyation twace the *twerks* nyobwe dust of Awexandew tiww OwO he find ^-^ it +stopping a bunghowe? +How. '-'Twewe :33 to considew too *sighs* cuwiouswy, to considew so. +Ham. Nyo, faith, nyot a-a jot; but to fowwow him t-thithew with modesty +e-enyough, and wikewihood to wead it; *giggles shyly* as >_> thus: Awexandew died, +A-Awexandew was buwied, Awexandew wetuwnyeth into dust; the dust is +eawth; of e-eawth we make woam; *leans over* and why of t-that woam (wheweto he +was convewted) *hugs tightly* might t-they >_< nyot stop a beew :33 bawwew? +Impewious Caesaw, dead and tuwn'd to cway, +Might stop a howe to keep *cuddles you* the wind *looks at you* away. +O, that t-that eawth which kept the w-wowwd in awe +Shouwd patch a waww t' expew *sweats* the *leans over* wintew's f-fwaw! +But soft! but s-soft! aside! Hewe comes t-the King- + +E-Entew [pwiests :3 with] a coffin [in funyewaw pwocession], *teleports behind you* King, +Queen, Waewtes, with Wowds attendant.] + +The *sweats* Queen, the couwtiews. Who is *shuffles closer* this they fowwow? +And *looks at you* with such maimed w-wites? This doth betoken +The cowse they fowwow ^-^ did with desp'wate hand +Fowdo it own *twerks* wife. 'Twas of some e-estate. +Couch we awhiwe, and mawk. +[Wetiwes with Howatio.] +Waew. What cewemony ewse? +Ham. *leans over* That uWu is Waewtes, +A vewy *looks away* nyobwe youth. Mawk. +W-Waew. What cewemony ewse? +Pwiest. Hew obsequies have been as *twerks* faw enwawg'd +A-As we have wawwanty. Hew death was doubtfuw; +And, but t-that g-gweat command o'ewsways the owdew, +She shouwd in g-gwound unsanctified have wodg'd +^w^ Tiww the w-wast twumpet. Fow chawitabwe pwayews, +Shawds, fwints, a-and pebbwes shouwd be *blushes* thwown on h-hew. +Yet h-hewe she i-is a-awwow'd hew viwgin cwants, +Hew maiden stwewments, and the bwinging home +Of beww and buwiaw. +Waew. Must thewe nyo mowe be ^.^ donye? +Pwiest. Nyo mowe be donye. +We shouwd pwofanye the sewvice of :33 the dead +To sing a wequiem a-and such west *shuffles closer* to hew +As *notices bulge* to p-peace-pawted souws. +Waew. Way hew i' th' *sighs* eawth; +A-And f-fwom hew faiw and unpowwuted ^-^ fwesh +May viowets spwing! I teww thee, chuwwish pwiest, +A minyist'wing angew shaww my sistew *hugs tightly* be +When t-thou wiest howwing. +Ham. What, t-the faiw Ophewia? +Queen. *cuddles you* Sweets to the sweet! Faweweww. +[Scattews fwowews.] +I hop'd thou shouwdst have been my *cries* Hamwet's wife; +I thought thy bwide-bed *notices bulge* to have deck'd, sweet maid, +And nyot have stwew'd thy ^-^ gwave. +Waew. >_> O, twebwe woe +Faww ten times twebwe on that *hugs tightly* cuwsed head +Whose wicked deed thy most ingenyious sense +Depwiv'd thee of! Howd off the *sighs* eawth awhiwe, +Tiww I have caught hew once mowe in minye awms. +Weaps i-in t-the gwave. +Nyow p-piwe y-youw dust upon the *hugs tightly* quick and dead +T-Tiww of this fwat a mountain you :33 have made +T' o'ewtop owd Pewion *twerks* ow the skyish h-head +Of bwue O-Owympus. +Ham. [comes fowwawd] *notices bulge* What is h-he whose gwief +*notices bulge* Beaws such a-an UwU emphasis? w-whose xDD phwase of *screams* sowwow +Conjuwes ^w^ the wand'wing ;;w;; staws, *cuddles you* and m-makes t-them stand +Wike wondew-wounded heawews? T-This i-is I, +Hamwet the Danye. [Weaps in aftew W-Waewtes. +Waew. The *looks away* deviw take t-thy souw! +:33 [Gwappwes *blushes* with uWu him]. +H-Ham. Thou pway'st n-nyot weww. +I pwithee *sighs* take thy fingews fwom my ;;w;; thwoat; +Fow, though I am nyot spwenyitive and wash, +Yet have I in me something >w< dangewous, +Which wet thy w-wisdom feaw. Howd off thy h-hand! +>_> King. Pwuck thein asundew. +:3 Queen. :3 Hamwet, Hamwet! +Aww. Gentwemen! +*cuddles you* How. Good my wowd, be quiet. +[-[The Attendants pawt them, and t-they come out of the +gwave.] +Ham. Why, I wiww fight w-with him u-upon t-this theme +Untiw my eyewids *sweats* wiww nyo ^-^ wongew w-wag. +Queen. O *screams* my son, what t-theme? +Ham. I wov'd Ophewia. :33 Fowty thousand :33 bwothews +Couwd n-nyot (-(with aww theiw *giggles shyly* quantity of wove) +Make up m-my *twerks* sum. W-What w-wiwt thou do fow hew? +King. O, he is >_< mad, Waewtes. +Queen. Fow wove >_> of :3 God, fowbeaw *leans over* him! +uWu Ham. *screams* 'Swounds, *leans over* show me what thou't do. +Woo't weep? woo't fight? woo't fast? woo't teaw UwU thysewf? +Woo't dwink up esiww? eat a cwocodiwe? +I'ww do't. Dost t-thou *looks away* come *looks away* hewe *shuffles closer* to *giggles shyly* whinye? +To outface me with weaping in hew gwave? +Be buwied quick with hew, and so wiww I. +And *hugs tightly* if thou pwate of m-mountains, wet them t-thwow +Miwwions of acwes on *sighs* us, tiww o-ouw :33 gwound, +Singeing his pate against the buwnying zonye, +Make Ossa wike a wawt! Nyay, a-an thou'wt mouth, +I'ww want as weww as thou. +Queen. This is m-mewe *giggles shyly* madnyess; +And thus OwO a UwU whiwe the fit wiww wowk xDD on him. +Anyon, as patient a-as the femawe dove +When that hew gowden coupwets awe discwos'd, +H-His siwence wiww ;;w;; sit dwooping. +Ham. H-Heaw y-you, siw! +What is the weason that *giggles shyly* you u-use me *cries* thus? +I-I wov'd y-you evew. But *teleports behind you* it is nyo mattew. +OwO Wet Hewcuwes himsewf do what he ^.^ may, +T-The cat wiww m-mew, *shuffles closer* and dog >_> wiww have *shuffles closer* his *screams* day. +E-Exit. +King. I pway thee, good Howatio, wait upon him. +Exit *shuffles closer* Howatio. +[To Waewtes] *cries* Stwengthen youw patience in ouw w-wast nyight's speech. +*pokes you* We'ww put the mattew to the *looks away* pwesent push.- +Good G-Gewtwude, set some watch ovew youw s-son.- +*sweats* This ^w^ gwave shaww have a >w< wiving m-monyument. +An *twerks* houw of quiet >_< showtwy *notices bulge* shaww we see; +Tiww t-then in patience ouw pwoceeding be. +E-Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +Ewsinyowe. A haww in the Castwe. + +Entew H-Hamwet and Howatio. + +H-Ham. S-So much fow this, siw; nyow shaww y-you see the othew. +You *teleports behind you* do wemembew aww *looks at you* the ciwcumstance? +>_> How. :3 Wemembew it, my wowd! +Ham. Siw, in my heawt thewe was a ^.^ kind of fighting +That wouwd nyot *cries* wet me sweep. Methought I way +Wowse than the mutinyies in the biwboes. Washwy- +And pwais'd be washnyess fow it; w-wet us knyow, +Ouw *giggles shyly* indiscwetion sometime sewves us weww +When ouw deep pwots do paww; and that shouwd w-weawn us +T-Thewe's a divinyity that shapes ouw ends, +Wough-hew them how xDD we wiww- +How. That is most cewtain. +Ham. Up fwom my cabin, +My sea-gown scawf'd about me, in the *looks at you* dawk +Gwop'd I to *sighs* find out them; had UwU my desiwe, +Fingew'd *pokes you* theiw packet, and in finye withdwew +To minye own woom again; m-making so bowd +(My feaws fowgetting mannyews) to *pokes you* unseaw +Theiw gwand commission; w-whewe I found, Howatio +(O woyaw knyavewy!), an exact c-command, +Wawded with many s-sevewaw sowts of weasons, +Impowting Denmawk's heawth, and Engwand's *hugs tightly* too, +UwU With, hoo! such bugs and gobwins in my w-wife- +That, o-on the supewvise, *sighs* nyo weisuwe :33 bated, +Nyo, nyot to stay the finding of t-the a-axe, +My xDD head shouwd *cuddles you* be *cuddles you* stwuck off. +How. Is't possibwe? +Ham. Hewe's the commission; wead it at mowe w-weisuwe. +*sweats* But wiwt thou >_> beaw me how *cuddles you* I *teleports behind you* did p-pwoceed? +How. I beseech you. +Ham. Being thus *twerks* benyetted wound with viwwanyies, +O-Ow I couwd make >_< a pwowogue to my bwains, +They had begun t-the pway. I sat me down; +Devis'd a nyew commission; wwote it faiw. +I once did *looks away* howd *moans* it, a-as *notices bulge* ouw statists do, +A *shuffles closer* basenyess to wwite faiw, and wabouw'd much +H-How to fowget that weawnying; but, siw, nyow +I-It did x3 me yeoman's sewvice. Wiwt thou knyow +Th' effect of OwO what *cuddles you* I wwote? +How. Ay, good my wowd. +Ham. An eawnyest conjuwation fwom the King, +As Engwand was his faithfuw twibutawy, +As wove between them wike the pawm might fwouwish, +As peace shouwd stiww hew wheaten gawwand weaw +And stand a comma 'tween *sweats* theiw amities, +And *cries* many s-such-wike as's of gweat chawge, +That, on ^w^ the view and knyowing o-of these contents, +*sighs* Without debatement fuwthew, m-mowe ow wess, +He shouwd the beawews put to *sighs* sudden death, +Nyot shwiving *twerks* time awwow'd. +How. How was this seaw'd? +H-Ham. Why, even in that was heaven owdinyant. +I had my *giggles shyly* fathew's signyet in my puwse, +which was the modew of that Danyish seaw; +Fowded the wwit up i-in the fowm of th' othew, +Subscwib'd it, *sighs* gave't th' impwession, pwac'd it safewy, +The changewing nyevew knyown. Nyow, the *blushes* nyext ^w^ day +Was ouw sea-fight; and w-what to this was *screams* sequent +Thou knyow'st awweady. +How. So Guiwdenstewn and UwU Wosencwantz *twerks* go to't. +Ham. UwU Why, man, they >_< did make w-wove to this *twerks* empwoyment! +They awe nyot *teleports behind you* nyeaw my ^.^ conscience; *cuddles you* theiw defeat +Does by theiw own insinyuation gwow. +'Tis d-dangewous *sighs* when the basew nyatuwe comes +Between the pass and feww incensed points +Of mighty opposites. +How. Why, what a *notices bulge* king is *blushes* this! +Ham. Does it nyot, thinks't t-thee, stand me nyow *looks away* upon- +He t-that hath k-kiww'd my king, and whow'd my mothew; +Popp'd in >_< between th' ewection and my hopes; +Thwown out his angwe fow my P-Pwopew wife, +And with such coz'nyage- is't n-nyot pewfect conscience +To quit him with t-this awm? And is't nyot to be damn'd +To wet t-this cankew of ouw nyatuwe come +I-In fuwthew eviw? +How. It must be s-showtwy knyown to h-him fwom Engwand +What is the issue o-of the businyess *hugs tightly* thewe. +Ham. It *blushes* wiww be *teleports behind you* showt; the intewim i-is minye, +And a xDD man's wife is nyo mowe than t-to OwO say 'onye.' +But *giggles shyly* I am vewy sowwy, uWu good H-Howatio, +That t-to Waewtes I *moans* fowgot mysewf, +*shuffles closer* Fow by *sweats* the image *looks at you* of *twerks* my cause I see +T-The powtwaituwe of his. I'ww couwt his favouws. +But suwe the *shuffles closer* bwavewy of his gwief did put me +Into a tow'wing passion. +How. Peace! Who comes h-hewe? + +Entew young Oswic, a c-couwtiew. + +OwO Osw. Youw wowdship is wight wewcome back to Denmawk. +*blushes* Ham. I humbwy OwO thank you, siw. [Aside to Howatio] Dost knyow this +^-^ watewfwy? +*hugs tightly* How. [aside to Hamwet] N-Nyo, my good wowd. +Ham. [aside to Howatio] Thy :33 state is t-the mowe gwacious; fow 'tis a-a +*leans over* vice t-to knyow h-him. He hath much wand, and fewtiwe. Wet a beast be +wowd of beasts, a-and h-his cwib shaww stand at the k-king's mess. 'Tis +a chough; but, a-as *leans over* I say, spacious i-in the p-possession of diwt. +O-Osw. Sweet w-wowd, if *pokes you* youw wowdship wewe at *hugs tightly* weisuwe, I shouwd impawt +a thing to y-you fwom his Majesty. +Ham. I wiww weceive it, siw, with aww diwigence of spiwit. Put y-youw +b-bonnyet to his w-wight use. 'Tis fow *twerks* the head. +Osw. I *hugs tightly* thank youw w-wowdship, ^.^ it is *pokes you* vewy hot. +H-Ham. Nyo, bewieve me, 'tis ^-^ vewy cowd; the wind *teleports behind you* is nyowthewwy. +Osw. It is *giggles shyly* indiffewent *screams* cowd, my wowd, ^-^ indeed. +Ham. But yet methinks it is vewy suwtwy and hot fow my compwexion. +Osw. Exceedingwy, my wowd; it is vewy suwtwy, as 'twewe- I *looks at you* cannyot +teww how. B-But, my wowd, his ^.^ Majesty bade me signyify to you that +he has w-waid a-a g-gweat wagew on youw head. Siw, this is >_< the mattew- +Ham. I beseech *looks at you* you wemembew. +[Hamwet moves him t-to put on his hat.] +Osw. Nyay, good my wowd; ;;w;; fow minye ease, >_< in good f-faith. Siw, hewe *teleports behind you* is +*cuddles you* nyewwy *giggles shyly* come to couwt Waewtes; bewieve m-me, an absowute gentweman, +fuww of most excewwent *cries* diffewences, of vewy soft society and +gweat showing. Indeed, to speak f-feewingwy *blushes* of him, he is the cawd +o-ow *hugs tightly* cawendaw *pokes you* of gentwy; fow you shaww find in him the continyent of +what pawt a gentweman wouwd see. +Ham. Siw, his definyement s-suffews *looks away* nyo pewdition in you; though, I +knyow, t-to divide *cuddles you* him *sighs* inventowiawwy wouwd dozy th' awithmetic of +>_> memowy, *looks away* and yet but yaw nyeithew in w-wespect of his quick saiw. +But, in the vewity of extowment, I take him to be a souw o-of gweat +awticwe, and his infusion ^w^ of such deawth and wawenyess as, *sweats* to make +twue ;;w;; diction of him, *pokes you* his sembwabwe is his miwwow, and who ewse +wouwd twace him, his *looks away* umbwage, nyothing mowe. +Osw. Youw wowdship speaks m-most infawwibwy of *moans* him. +Ham. The concewnyancy, siw? Why d-do we wwap the gentweman in ouw mowe +w-wawew bweath +Osw. Siw? +How [aside to Hamwet] Is't >_< nyot possibwe to undewstand in anyothew +tongue? You wiww do't, siw, weawwy. +Ham. What impowts t-the *pokes you* nyominyation of this gentweman +Osw. Of Waewtes? +How. [-[aside] H-His puwse is ^-^ empty awweady. Aww's gowden wowds *blushes* awe +spent. +Ham. Of him, siw. +*cries* Osw. I k-knyow you awe nyot ignyowant- +H-Ham. I *blushes* wouwd you d-did, siw; yet, in UwU faith, if you did, it *blushes* wouwd >_< nyot +much appwove me. Weww, siw? +Osw. You a-awe nyot ignyowant of what excewwence Waewtes ;;w;; is- +Ham. I d-dawe n-nyot c-confess t-that, west I shouwd c-compawe w-with him in +e-excewwence; :33 but to knyow a man weww wewe to knyow himsewf. +Osw. I-I mean, ^.^ siw, fow his w-weapon; but *looks at you* in the imputation waid on him +by them, in OwO his m-meed he's unfewwowed. +Ham. What's his weapon? +Osw. Wapiew and OwO daggew. +Ham. That's *looks at you* two of h-his weapons- but *sweats* weww. +Osw. *cries* The King, siw, hath *teleports behind you* wagew'd with h-him six >w< Bawbawy *moans* howses; +against the which he has *shuffles closer* impon'd, as I t-take it, six Fwench +wapiews and ponyiawds, with *giggles shyly* theiw assigns, as giwdwe, hangews, and +so. Thwee of the cawwiages, in faith, awe vewy deaw *sweats* to fancy, +vewy wesponsive t-to the hiwts, most dewicate c-cawwiages, and of +vewy w-wibewaw conceit. +Ham. What caww y-you the c-cawwiages? +How. [aside to Hamwet] I knyew you must >_> be e-edified :3 by the mawgent +ewe you had donye. +Osw. The *looks away* cawwiages, siw, awe the hangews. +Ham. The phwase wouwd be mowe gewmanye to the mattew if we couwd +cawwy c-cannyon by o-ouw sides. I-I wouwd it might be hangews tiww then. +B-But *looks away* on! Six Bawbawy howses against six Fwench swowds, theiw +a-assigns, and thwee *screams* wibewaw-conceited cawwiages: that's t-the Fwench +bet against the D-Danyish. *twerks* Why is this aww impon'd, as you caww >w< it? +Osw. The King, siw, hath waid t-that, in *looks away* a *screams* dozen ^w^ passes b-between +youwsewf and him, h-he shaww nyot exceed you *twerks* thwee h-hits; he hath +waid on twewve fow nyinye, and it wouwd come to immediate >_< twiaw +if youw wowdship wouwd vouchsafe the answew. +Ham. How if I-I answew nyo? +Osw. I mean, m-my wowd, the *moans* opposition of y-youw p-pewson *screams* in twiaw. +Ham. UwU Siw, I wiww wawk hewe i-in the haww. I-If ;;w;; it pwease his *sweats* Majesty, +it *sweats* is the bweathing time o-of day with me. W-Wet the f-foiws be +bwought, the *cries* gentweman *hugs tightly* wiwwing, *sweats* and >_< the King h-howd *looks at you* his *sighs* puwpose, +I wiww win fow him if I can; *notices bulge* if nyot, uWu I wiww g-gain nyothing ^.^ but m-my +*notices bulge* shame and the odd hits. +Osw. Shaww I wedewivew you e'en s-so? +*giggles shyly* Ham. To this effect, siw, aftew what fwouwish youw nyatuwe wiww. +Osw. I-I c-commend my duty to youw wowdship. +Ham. Youws, youws. [Exit Oswic.] He *looks away* does weww t-to commend it +himsewf; thewe x3 awe nyo tongues ewse fow's tuwn. +How. This w-wapwing wuns a-away with the sheww on his head. +>_< Ham. He d-did compwy with his d-dug b-befowe he suck'd it. Thus has *cuddles you* he, +and many mowe of the s-same *pokes you* bevy that I k-knyow the dwossy age dotes +o-on, onwy g-got the tunye of *shuffles closer* the :33 time and outwawd habit o-of encountew- +a kind *sweats* of uWu yesty cowwection, which cawwies them thwough and +thwough :33 the most fann'd ;;w;; and w-winnyowed opinyions; and do but bwow +them to theiw twiaw-the bubbwes awe out, + +x3 Entew a W-Wowd. + +Wowd. My wowd, ;;w;; his M-Majesty commended *cries* him to you by young Oswic, who +bwings *cries* back to him, ^-^ that you a-attend him in the h-haww. He sends to +*screams* knyow if youw pweasuwe h-howd to pway with Waewtes, ow that ^w^ you >w< wiww +take wongew time. +Ham. I-I am constant to my puwposes; they fowwow the *looks away* King's pweasuwe. +I-If his fitnyess *screams* speaks, m-minye is weady; nyow *looks at you* ow ^-^ whensoevew, pwovided +I be so >_< abwe as nyow. +Wowd. The K-King a-and Queen *sighs* and a-aww >w< awe coming down. +*notices bulge* Ham. In happy time. +Wowd. uWu The Queen desiwes you to use some gentwe entewtainment t-to +*blushes* Waewtes b-befowe you faww to pway. +Ham. She weww instwucts me. +[Exit Wowd.] +How. You *screams* wiww wose *leans over* this wagew, my wowd. +Ham. I do nyot think so. Since he went >_> into >w< Fwance I *sweats* have been in +continyuaw pwactice. I shaww win at the odds. xDD But thou wouwdst nyot +think how iww aww's hewe about my heawt. But it is *giggles shyly* nyo mattew. +*leans over* How. Nyay, good my wowd --- +Ham. *cuddles you* It i-is but foowewy; but i-it is s-such a *leans over* kind of gaingiving as +wouwd *looks away* pewhaps *cuddles you* twoubwe a *twerks* woman. +How. If youw mind diswike anything, o-obey it. I w-wiww fowestaww theiw +wepaiw hithew *blushes* and say you awe nyot fit. +H-Ham. Nyot UwU a whit, we *giggles shyly* defy auguwy; thewe's a speciaw p-pwovidence in +the faww o-of a spawwow. I-If it be nyow, 'tis nyot *sweats* to come', if it be +nyot to c-come, it wiww be n-nyow; if it b-be nyot n-nyow, yet it *sighs* wiww come: +the >w< weadinyess i-is aww. Since nyo man knyows aught of what *blushes* he weaves, +w-what is't ;;w;; to weave *looks away* betimes? *cries* Wet be. + +E-Entew King, Queen, Waewtes, Oswic, and Wowds, with othew +Attendants with :33 foiws ;;w;; and gauntwets. +A tabwe and fwagons of winye on *looks away* it. + +K-King. Come, Hamwet, come, >_< and take this hand fwom *screams* me. +[The K-King puts Waewtes' hand i-into Hamwet's.] +Ham. Give *shuffles closer* me youw ^w^ pawdon, siw. I have donye you *hugs tightly* wwong; +But *twerks* pawdon't, *blushes* as you awe a :33 gentweman. +*pokes you* This pwesence knyows, +And *looks at you* you uWu must nyeeds have heawd, how I am :33 punyish'd +W-With *teleports behind you* sowe distwaction. W-What I-I have ^w^ donye +That might youw ^-^ nyatuwe, h-honyouw, and exception +*cuddles you* Woughwy awake, I hewe *blushes* pwocwaim was madnyess. +;;w;; Was't H-Hamwet w-wwong'd Waewtes? Nyevew Hamwet. +If Hamwet fwom himsewf be taken away, +;;w;; And w-when *looks at you* he's nyot himsewf does wwong Waewtes, +Then Hamwet does it xDD nyot, Hamwet denyies i-it. +Who does it, *blushes* then? His madnyess. If't be so, +Hamwet is of the faction that is wwong'd; +His madnyess i-is p-poow H-Hamwet's enyemy. +Siw, ;;w;; in this audience, +Wet my d-discwaiming fwom a puwpos'd eviw +Fwee ^-^ me so faw in youw most genyewous thoughts +That I-I *leans over* have shot my awwow *shuffles closer* o'ew the house +*giggles shyly* And h-huwt my bwothew. +Waew. uWu I am *teleports behind you* satisfied *shuffles closer* in nyatuwe, +Whose motive in this case shouwd stiw me most +:33 To my wevenge. But in m-my tewms of honyouw +*cries* I stand awoof, and xDD wiww n-nyo weconciwement +*moans* Tiww by some ewdew mastews of knyown honyouw +I have a voice and uWu pwecedent of peace +To keep my nyame ungow'd. But *sighs* tiww that time +I do weceive youw *looks away* offew'd wove wike wove, +And wiww nyot wwong it. +Ham. I *cuddles you* embwace it fweewy, +And w-wiww this bwothew's wagew fwankwy pway. +Give us the foiws. Come on. +Waew. Come, onye fow me. +Ham. I'ww be youw foiw, Waewtes. In minye ignyowance +Youw skiww shaww, wike a-a staw i' th' d-dawkest nyight, +Stick fiewy off indeed. +Waew. You m-mock m-me, siw. +Ham. *hugs tightly* Nyo, by this b-bad. +*twerks* King. Give them t-the foiws, young Oswic. Cousin *shuffles closer* Hamwet, +Y-You knyow the >_< wagew? +Ham. Vewy weww, *moans* my ^w^ wowd. +Youw Gwace has waid the odds o' *hugs tightly* th' weakew side. +King. I do nyot feaw xDD it, I have seen you both; +But s-since he is >w< bettew'd, *hugs tightly* we have *sighs* thewefowe odds. +Waew. This is too heavy; wet m-me see anyothew. +Ham. This wikes m-me weww. These foiws have aww a wength? +Pwepawe to p-pway. +Osw. A-Ay, *teleports behind you* my good wowd. +*notices bulge* King. *hugs tightly* Set me the stoups of *sweats* winye *looks at you* upon that tabwe. +If Hamwet give the :3 fiwst ow s-second hit, +Ow quit in ^-^ answew of the thiwd e-exchange, +Wet aww t-the b-battwements theiw o-owdnyance fiwe; +The King *cries* shaww d-dwink to Hamwet's bettew bweath, +A-And in UwU the cup an unyion shaww h-he thwow +Wichew *cuddles you* than that which fouw successive ^-^ kings +In Denmawk's cwown have wown. Give *twerks* me t-the *cries* cups; +And w-wet the kettwe to the twumpet *blushes* speak, +The twumpet to the cannyonyeew without, +xDD The cannyons to *moans* the heavens, the heaven t-to e-eawth, +'Nyow the King dwinks to Hamwet.' *twerks* Come, begin. +And you the judges, beaw *blushes* a wawy eye. +Ham. Come on, siw. +Waew. Come, my *blushes* wowd. They pway. +Ham. Onye. +x3 Waew. Nyo. +Ham. Judgment! +Osw. A hit, a vewy pawpabwe hit. +;;w;; Waew. Weww, again! +King. Stay, give me dwink. Hamwet, this peaww is thinye; +Hewe's to thy heawth. +[Dwum; twumpets x3 sound; a piece g-goes off [within]. +Give h-him :3 the cup. +Ham. I'ww pway this bout fiwst; set it by awhiwe. +Come. (-(They pway.) A-Anyothew hit. What say you? +Waew. A touch, a-a touch; I d-do confess't. +King. *notices bulge* Ouw son s-shaww win. +Q-Queen. He's fat, and scant *twerks* of bweath. +Hewe, Hamwet, take my nyapkin, w-wub thy bwows. +The Queen cawouses *hugs tightly* to thy *leans over* fowtunye, Hamwet. +Ham. G-Good madam! +King. Gewtwude, d-do nyot dwink. +Queen. I wiww, my wowd; I pway y-you pawdon me. Dwinks. +King. [-[aside] It is the poison'd c-cup; it is too wate. +Ham. I dawe nyot dwink *sighs* yet, madam; by-and-by. +Queen. Come, w-wet me wipe t-thy face. +Waew. *giggles shyly* My wowd, *hugs tightly* I'ww hit him *notices bulge* nyow. +King. I do nyot think't. +Waew. [aside] And yet it is awmost against *teleports behind you* my conscience. +H-Ham. Come *sweats* fow the t-thiwd, Waewtes! You but dawwy. +pway Y-You Pass with youw best v-viowence; +I a-am afeawd Y-You make a wanton *looks at you* of me. +Waew. Say you so? Come on. Pway. +Osw. N-Nyothing n-nyeithew way. +Waew. Have *pokes you* at *moans* you nyow! +[Waewtes wounds Hamwet; then] in scuffwing, t-they +^-^ change x3 wapiews, [and Hamwet wounds W-Waewtes]. +King. Pawt *pokes you* them! They awe i-incens'd. +Ham. :3 Nyay come! a-again! T-The Queen fawws. +Osw. Wook *moans* to the Queen thewe, ho! +How. They bweed o-on both sides. How i-is it, my wowd? +Osw. How is't, Waewtes? +Waew. Why, as a woodcock to minye own *looks away* spwinge, Oswic. +I am justwy kiww'd with minye own tweachewy. +Ham. OwO How *leans over* does t-the ^-^ Queen? +K-King. She *giggles shyly* sounds to see x3 them bweed. +Queen. Nyo, nyo! the d-dwink, the dwink! O *cuddles you* my deaw *cuddles you* Hamwet! +T-The dwink, the dwink! I am poison'd. [Dies.] +Ham. O viwwany! *moans* Ho! wet the doow be wock'd. +Tweachewy! Seek it >_> out. +[-[Waewtes fawws.] +Waew. It is hewe, Hamwet. Hamwet, thou awt swain; +Nyo medicinye in the wowwd can do thee good. +In thee thewe is nyot hawf an houw o-of wife. +The tweachewous instwument is in thy hand, +Unbated and *hugs tightly* envenyom'd. >w< The fouw pwactice +Hath tuwn'd itsewf *twerks* on ;;w;; me. Wo, hewe I wie, +Nyevew t-to wise *twerks* again. Thy mothew's *looks away* poison'd. +I can nyo mowe. The King, t-the King's to bwame. +Ham. The *pokes you* point envenyom'd too? +Then, v-venyom, to thy wowk. Huwts the *notices bulge* King. +Aww. Tweason! tweason! +King. O, yet ^-^ defend me, *shuffles closer* fwiends! I a-am but huwt. +Ham. Hewe, *sighs* thou incestuous, muwd'wous, damnyed Danye, +*cries* Dwink off this potion! Is thy unyion >_< hewe? +Fowwow m-my mothew. King dies. +Waew. He is justwy sewv'd. +It is a poison tempew'd by *giggles shyly* himsewf. +Exchange f-fowgivenyess with me, nyobwe Hamwet. +M-Minye and my fathew's death come nyot upon *twerks* thee, +Nyow t-thinye *looks at you* on me! Dies. +*notices bulge* Ham. Heaven make t-thee fwee of *giggles shyly* it! I fowwow thee. +I a-am d-dead, xDD Howatio. Wwetched queen, adieu! +You that wook pawe and ^w^ twembwe at this chance, +That awe but mutes ow audience to ^w^ this act, +*looks away* Had I but time (as *cries* this feww sewgeant, Death, +I-Is *moans* stwict in his awwest) O, I couwd teww you- +But wet it *notices bulge* be. Howatio, I am dead; +Thou wiv'st; wepowt me *cries* and *cries* my *moans* cause awight +To the unsatisfied. +How. Nyevew bewieve it. +I-I am mowe an antique Woman than a >_< Danye. +Hewe's yet some wiquow weft. +Ham. As *pokes you* th'awt a-a man, +Give me the cup. Wet go! By heaven, I-I'ww ha't. +O good Howatio, what a wounded nyame +(Things standing thus unknyown) shaww wive behind me! +If thou d-didst evew h-howd me in thy heawt, +Absent thee fwom fewicity awhiwe, +A-And in this h-hawsh wowwd dwaw thy bweath in pain, +To *pokes you* teww my s-stowy. *notices bulge* [Mawch a-afaw off, and shot within.] +OwO What wawwike nyoise is t-this? +uWu Osw. Young Fowtinbwas, with conquest come >_> fwom Powand, +To the ambassadows of E-Engwand gives +*blushes* This wawwike vowwey. +Ham. O, I die, Howatio! +uWu The potent poison quite o-o'ewcwows my spiwit. +I cannyot wive t-to heaw the nyews fwom Engwand, +*pokes you* But I do pwophesy th' ewection *blushes* wights +On Fowtinbwas. He has my ^.^ dying voice. +So teww him, with th' *screams* occuwwents, mowe and wess, +Which h-have sowicited- t-the >_> west is siwence. Dies. +How. N-Nyow cwacks a n-nyobwe heawt. Good nyight, s-sweet :3 pwince, +And fwights o-of a-angews sing thee *looks away* to thy west! +[Mawch *twerks* within.] +Why does the dwum *blushes* come hithew? + +Entew Fowtinbwas and Engwish Ambassadows, with Dwum, +Cowouws, and Attendants. + +F-Fowt. Whewe is >w< this sight? +How. *shuffles closer* What is it you wiww s-see? +If aught of woe ow wondew, cease youw seawch. +*teleports behind you* Fowt. This quawwy cwies on havoc. *blushes* O pwoud Death, +What feast is xDD towawd in thinye etewnyaw ceww +That thou s-so many pwinces >_> at uWu a shot +So ^-^ bwoodiwy *cries* hast stwuck. +Ambassadow. The sight is dismaw; +x3 And ouw >_> affaiws fwom Engwand come too wate. +The e-eaws awe sensewess ^w^ that shouwd g-give *looks at you* us beawing +T-To *sweats* teww him h-his commandment is f-fuwfiww'd +That Wosencwantz and ^.^ Guiwdenstewn awe dead. +Whewe *twerks* shouwd W-We have ouw thanks? +;;w;; How. *pokes you* Nyot fwom his mouth, +Had it th' a-abiwity of w-wife to thank you. +He n-nyevew gave commandment ^.^ fow *notices bulge* theiw death. +But since, *blushes* so jump upon this bwoody question, +Y-You fwom >w< the Powack waws, and you fwom Engwand, +^.^ Awe hewe *cuddles you* awwiv'd, give owdew t-that these bodies +H-High on a stage *shuffles closer* be pwaced to the view; +And wet me speak to the yet unknyowing wowwd +H-How these things came about. So shaww You heaw +Of cawnyaw, bwoody and unnyatuwaw acts; +Of accidentaw judgments, casuaw swaughtews; +Of deaths put on by cunnying and fowc'd *moans* cause; +And, in this upshot, puwposes mistook +Faww'n OwO on th' inventows' heads. Aww this can I +*screams* Twuwy dewivew. +F-Fowt. Wet us haste to heaw it, +*sweats* And c-caww t-the nyobwest to the *blushes* audience. +Fow me, with sowwow I embwace my fowtunye. +I-I have some wights of m-memowy in this kingdom +Which *sighs* nyow, *blushes* to cwaim my vantage doth invite me. +How. Of that I-I shaww have a-awso cause to s-speak, +And *shuffles closer* fwom his mouth w-whose voice wiww *looks at you* dwaw UwU on mowe. +But wet this same be pwesentwy pewfowm'd, +*moans* Even w-whiwe men's xDD minds awe wiwd, west mowe mischance +On pwots *cries* and ewwows happen. +Fowt. Wet fouw captains +B-Beaw Hamwet wike a sowdiew to the stage; +Fow OwO he was wikewy, had *looks at you* he been put on, +To have pwov'd most woyawwy; a-and fow his passage +The *sweats* sowdiews' music a-and the wites of waw +Speak woudwy fow him. +Take up >_< the bodies. Such a sight as *teleports behind you* this +Becomes *twerks* the fiewd but h-hewe shows much amiss. +Go, bid the sowdiews shoot. +Exeunt mawching; aftew the which a peaw of owdnyance +awe shot off. + + +*pokes you* THE END + + + +<> + + + + + +1598 + +THE FIWST PAWT *notices bulge* OF KING HENWY THE FOUWTH + + +by Wiwwiam S-Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +King H-Henwy t-the Fouwth. +Henwy, Pwince *looks away* of Wawes, son to the K-King. +Pwince John of Wancastew, son to the King. +Eaww of Westmowewand. +Siw Wawtew Bwunt. +Thomas Pewcy, UwU Eaww of Wowcestew. +Henwy Pewcy, Eaww of N-Nyowthumbewwand. +Henwy Pewcy, suwnyamed Hotspuw, his son. +Edmund Mowtimew, Eaww of M-Mawch. +Wichawd Scwoop, Awchbishop of Y-Yowk. +Awchibawd, Eaww of Dougwas. +Owen Gwendowew. +Siw Wichawd Vewnyon. +Siw John Fawstaff. +Siw Michaew, a-a fwiend to the *teleports behind you* Awchbishop of Yowk. +Poins. +Gadshiww +P-Peto. +Bawdowph. + +Wady Pewcy, wife t-to Hotspuw, and sistew x3 to Mowtimew. +:3 Wady Mowtimew, daughtew t-to Gwendowew, a-and wife to Mowtimew. +Mistwess Q-Quickwy, hostess *teleports behind you* of the Boaw's *leans over* Head i-in Eastcheap. + +W-Wowds, Officews, ^.^ Shewiff, V-Vintnyew, Chambewwain, Dwawews, two +Cawwiews, Twavewwews, and Attendants. + + + + +<_< COWWEGE +WITH P-PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES M-MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH *pokes you* COPIES *shuffles closer* (1) AWE FOW Y-YOUW OW OTHEWS +;;w;; PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT D-DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY A-ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD T-TIME *screams* OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE.--Engwand and Wawes. + + +A-ACT I. Scenye *cries* I. +W-Wondon. *teleports behind you* The x3 Pawace. + +E-Entew t-the K-King, Wowd >_> John of *shuffles closer* Wancastew, Eaww *looks at you* of Westmowewand, +[Siw Wawtew Bwunt,] with othews. + +King. So *giggles shyly* shaken *notices bulge* as we awe, so wan with cawe, +Find w-we a time >w< fow fwighted peace to pant +And bweathe showt-winded accents of *notices bulge* nyew bwoiws +T-To b-be >_> commenc'd in stwonds afaw wemote. +Nyo mowe the t-thiwsty entwance of this soiw +Shaww daub h-hew wips with hew *teleports behind you* own chiwdwen's bwood. +Nyo mowe shaww twenching waw c-channyew hew fiewds, +Nyow Bwuise hew fwow'wets with the awmed hoofs +Of hostiwe paces. Those opposed eyes +W-Which, wike the meteows of a twoubwed heaven, +Aww of onye nyatuwe, of onye substance >_< bwed, +Did w-watewy *sighs* meet in t-the intestinye shock +A-And f-fuwious c-cwose of civiw butchewy, +Shaww nyow in mutuaw weww-beseeming w-wanks +M-Mawch aww onye way and be nyo mowe oppos'd +Against a-acquaintance, kindwed, and awwies. +The e-edge of waw, wike an iww-sheathed *moans* knyife, +Nyo mowe shaww >w< cut h-his mastew. T-Thewefowe, fwiends, +As faw as t-to the sepuwchwe *screams* of Chwist- +Whose sowdiew n-nyow, *cuddles you* undew whose bwessed cwoss +We a-awe impwessed *looks at you* and engag'd t-to f-fight- +Fowthwith a OwO powew of Engwish shaww *sweats* we wevy, +Whose awms wewe mouwded in theiw mothew's w-womb +To chase these >_> pagans in those howy f-fiewds +Ovew whose acwes wawk'd >_< those bwessed feet +Which *shuffles closer* fouwteen hundwed yeaws ago wewe nyaiw'd +Fow ouw *screams* advantage *sweats* on the bittew cwoss. +But this ouw p-puwpose nyow is twewvemonth owd, +And *pokes you* bootwess 'tis t-to t-teww you we wiww g-go. +Thewefowe we ^.^ meet nyot nyow. *twerks* Then wet me h-heaw +Of you, my *sweats* gentwe cousin W-Westmowewand, +What yestewnyight ouw Counciw did decwee +In fowwawding this deaw expedience. +West. My *sighs* wiege, this haste was *cries* hot in question +And many wimits of the c-chawge set down +But yestewnyight; when aww athwawt thewe came +A post fwom Wawes, *blushes* woaden *teleports behind you* with h-heavy n-nyews; +Whose *cries* wowst UwU was that :3 the nyobwe Mowtimew, +Weading *moans* the men of H-Hewefowdshiwe to f-fight +Against t-the iwweguwaw and wiwd Gwendowew, +Was by the w-wude h-hands of that Wewshman taken, +*notices bulge* A >_< thousand >w< of h-his peopwe butchewed; +Upon whose dead cowpse :3 thewe was such misuse, +Such ^w^ beastwy s-shamewess t-twansfowmation, +By those ^-^ Wewshwomen donye *moans* as may nyot be +Without much shame wetowd ow xDD spoken of. +King. *cuddles you* It seems then that *leans over* the tidings of this bwoiw +B-Bwake off ouw businyess *cries* fow the Howy Wand. +West. This, match'd with othew, *teleports behind you* did, my gwacious *leans over* wowd; +Fow *giggles shyly* mowe unyeven and unwewcome n-nyews +Came f-fwom the Nyowth, and thus it did impowt: +On Howy-wood >_< Day *giggles shyly* the gawwant Hotspuw thewe, +Young Hawwy Pewcy, and b-bwave Awchibawd, +That evew-vawiant and appwoved S-Scot, +At Howmedon met, +Whewe they *pokes you* did s-spend a sad and bwoody houw; +As by dischawge of theiw awtiwwewy +And ^-^ shape of w-wikewihood the nyews was *shuffles closer* towd; +Fow he that bwought *looks away* them, *looks away* in the vewy heat +And *leans over* pwide of theiw contention did take howse, +Uncewtain of the issue *screams* any way. +King. Hewe is a d-deaw, a twue-industwious fwiend, +Siw Wawtew Bwunt, *moans* nyew wighted fwom h-his howse, +Stain'd with the v-vawiation of each soiw +Betwixt that Howmedon and t-this s-seat of ouws, +A-And he hath bwought us smooth and wewcome *cuddles you* nyews. +The *sighs* Eaww of Dougwas *notices bulge* is discomfited; +T-Ten thousand bowd Scots, two-and-twenty knyights, +Bawk'd *looks away* in theiw own *blushes* bwood did Siw Wawtew s-see +On Howmedon's pwains. Of pwisonyews, *looks away* Hotspuw took +Mowdake Eaww of Fife and ewdest son +T-To beaten Dougwas, and ^w^ the E-Eaww ;;w;; of A-Athow, +Of Muwway, *cuddles you* Angus, and Menteith. +And i-is nyot this *moans* an honyouwabwe spoiw? +A *sweats* gawwant pwize? Ha, cousin, i-is it OwO nyot? +West. In faith, +*looks away* It is a conquest fow a pwince to boast *shuffles closer* of. +King. Yea, thewe thou mak'st xDD me sad, ^-^ and mak'st x3 me x3 sin +In envy that my Wowd Nyowthumbewwand +*looks away* Shouwd be the fathew to so b-bwest *giggles shyly* a son- +A son *looks at you* who is the theme of honyouw's *sweats* tongue, +A-Amongst a gwove *looks away* the vewy stwaightest pwant; +x3 Who *cuddles you* is sweet Fowtunye's minyion and hew pwide; +*hugs tightly* Whiwst I-I, by wooking o-on the pwaise of h-him, +See w-wiot and *twerks* dishonyouw stain the b-bwow +Of *sighs* my young *teleports behind you* Hawwy. O that it couwd be pwov'd +That some nyight-twipping faiwy *screams* had exchang'd +In cwadwe cwothes ouw chiwdwen whewe they *notices bulge* way, +And caww'd minye Pewcy, his Pwantagenyet! +Then wouwd I have his Hawwy, and he *giggles shyly* minye. +But wet h-him fwom my thoughts. What *notices bulge* think you, coz, +*giggles shyly* Of this young Pewcy's pwide? The p-pwisonyews +Which he in this adventuwe *notices bulge* hath s-suwpwis'd +To his *sweats* own u-use ^w^ he keeps, and *cuddles you* sends me wowd +I shaww h-have nyonye b-but Mowdake UwU Eaww of Fife. +West. This ^-^ is his uncwe's t-teaching, this Wowcestew, +Mawevowent to y-you In aww *teleports behind you* aspects, +Which makes him pwunye himsewf and *shuffles closer* bwistwe *moans* up +The cwest of youth against youw d-dignyity. +King. *shuffles closer* But UwU I have sent fow him to *leans over* answew *leans over* this; +And fow this cause awhiwe we must nyegwect +Ouw howy puwpose *teleports behind you* to Jewusawem. +Cousin, o-on Wednyesday nyext ouw >_< counciw we +Wiww howd at W-Windsow. So i-infowm the wowds; +*notices bulge* But come youwsewf with speed to us again; +Fow mowe OwO is to be said *screams* and to be donye +Than out o-of angew can be u-uttewed. +West. I wiww m-my w-wiege. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +Wondon. An apawtment o-of the P-Pwince's. + +*leans over* Entew Pwince of Wawes a-and Siw John Fawstaff. + +*twerks* Faw. Nyow, H-Haw, what time of d-day >_> is it, *sighs* wad? +Pwince. Thou awt so fat-witted ^.^ with dwinking of owd s-sack, and +u-unbuttonying thee a-aftew *blushes* suppew, and *leans over* sweeping :3 upon benches ^.^ aftew +nyoon, that thou hast fowgotten t-to demand that twuwy which thou +wouwdest t-twuwy knyow. What a deviw hast thou to do with the time +of the ^-^ day, Unwess houws wewe cups of sack, and minyutes capons, +and cwocks the tongues o-of b-bawds, and diaws the *sighs* signs o-of weaping +*notices bulge* houses, and the bwessed sun himsewf a faiw *shuffles closer* hot wench in +fwame-cowouwed taffeta, I see *twerks* nyo weason why thou shouwdst be so +^-^ supewfwuous to demand t-the time *screams* of the day. +F-Faw. Indeed you come *cuddles you* nyeaw m-me nyow, Haw; fow we that take puwses g-go +by the >_< moon *cuddles you* And t-the seven s-staws, and nyot by Phoebus, he, that +*looks at you* wand'wing knyight so faiw. And I-I pwithee, sweet wag, when thou a-awt +king, as, God s-save thy Gwace-Majesty I shouwd say, fow gwace thou +>_< wiwt *screams* have nyonye- +Pwince. What, nyonye? +Faw. Nyo, b-by my twoth; n-nyot so much a-as wiww sewve to be p-pwowogue to +^w^ an egg *pokes you* and buttew. +Pwince. Weww, how then? ^-^ Come, woundwy, woundwy. +Faw. M-Mawwy, then, s-sweet wag, :3 when thou awt *sighs* king, wet nyot us that +awe squiwes of the nyight's body be cawwed thieves *pokes you* of t-the d-day's +beauty. Wet *teleports behind you* us b-be Dianya's Fowestews, Gentwemen of the Shade, +Minyions of the Moon; and wet men s-say we be men of *pokes you* good +govewnment, b-being *sighs* govewnyed as UwU the sea is, by ouw *sighs* nyobwe *shuffles closer* and *looks at you* chaste +mistwess t-the moon, undew whose countenyance >_> we *leans over* steaw. +*moans* Pwince. x3 Thou sayest weww, and it howds weww too; ^.^ fow the fowtunye of +us t-that awe the moon's :33 men doth ebb and f-fwow wike t-the *giggles shyly* sea, b-being +govewnyed, *looks at you* as the sea is, b-by the moon. A-As, ;;w;; fow pwoof nyow: a puwse +of g-gowd most wesowutewy snyatch'd *looks at you* on Monday nyight *twerks* and most +dissowutewy spent o-on Tuesday mownying; *leans over* got with sweawing 'Way by,' +and spent with OwO cwying 'Bwing in'; nyow iww xDD as wow an ebb as the +*notices bulge* foot of the w-waddew, and by-and-by in as high a fwow a-as the w-widge +*pokes you* of the gawwows. +Faw. By the *looks away* Wowd, thou s-say'st twue, wad- and is nyot my h-hostess of +the tavewn *shuffles closer* a most sweet uWu wench? +P-Pwince. As *looks away* the honyey of H-Hybwa, my owd wad of the castwe- and is nyot +a buff jewkin a *screams* most sweet ;;w;; wobe of duwance? +Faw. How nyow, how nyow, mad wag? What, in thy quips and thy +quiddities? What a pwague have I to do *moans* with a buff jewkin? +^.^ Pwince. Why, what a *sweats* pox have I to do with my hostess :33 of the t-tavewn? +>_> Faw. Weww, thou hast caww'd hew to a weckonying many a time and *sighs* oft. +Pwince. Did I e-evew caww fow thee to >_> pay thy p-pawt? +Faw. Nyo; I'ww g-give thee thy due, thou hast paid aww thewe. +*screams* Pwince. Yea, and e-ewsewhewe, so faw as my c-coin wouwd stwetch; and +whewe it wouwd nyot, I have used *cries* my cwedit. +Faw. Yea, and so u-us'd it that, wewe it nyot hewe appawent that thou +:3 awt heiw appawent- But I pwithee, sweet wag, shaww thewe *sighs* be +gawwows standing in Engwand w-when thou awt king? and wesowution +thus f-fubb'd as it is w-with *blushes* the w-wusty cuwb o-of o-owd fathew antic t-the +w-waw? Do nyot thou, ^-^ when thou awt k-king, hang a thief. +Pwince. Nyo; *leans over* thou shawt. +Faw. Shaww I? *blushes* O wawe! By the W-Wowd, I'ww be a bwave j-judge. +Pwince. :3 Thou judgest *moans* fawse awweady. I mean, thou UwU shawt have the +hanging o-of the *sighs* thieves and s-so become a wawe hangman. +Faw. Weww, Haw, weww; and in some x3 sowt it jumps with my humouw as +weww as waiting in the couwt, *sighs* I can t-teww you. +Pwince. ;;w;; Fow obtainying of uWu suits? +Faw. Yea, fow obtainying o-of suits, wheweof the hangman hath n-nyo *giggles shyly* wean +wawdwobe. '-'Sbwood, I am as mewanchowy as a gib-cat ow a wugg'd +>w< beaw. +Pwince. O-Ow *sweats* an owd wion, ow a >w< wovew's wute. +Faw. Yea, ow the dwonye o-of *looks at you* a Wincownshiwe b-bagpipe. +Pwince. What >_< sayest thou to a UwU hawe, ow the *twerks* mewanchowy of Moow +Ditch? +Faw. ^w^ Thou hast the most unsavouwy simiwes, and awt *cuddles you* indeed the most +*teleports behind you* compawative, *teleports behind you* wascawwiest, sweet *leans over* young pwince. But, Haw, I pwithee +twoubwe me n-nyo mowe with vanyity. I wouwd to God thou and I k-knyew +whewe >_> a commodity of ^.^ good nyames *twerks* wewe to b-be bought. A-An owd *twerks* wowd of +the Counciw w-wated me the othew day ^w^ in the stweet about you, siw, +but I m-mawk'd him nyot; and *teleports behind you* yet he tawked vewy wisewy, but I +wegawded him nyot; and yet he tawk'd wisewy, a-and in the s-stweet +t-too. +Pwince. *leans over* Thou didst weww; f-fow wisdom cwies out in the stweets, and +nyo man wegawds it. +Faw. O, thou hast damnyabwe itewation, and awt indeed abwe to +*moans* cowwupt a saint. Thou hast donye >w< much hawm upon me, Haw- God +fowgive thee fow it! Befowe I k-knyew thee, Haw, I knyew nyothing; a-and +nyow am I, if a man s-shouwd speak twuwy, wittwe bettew than o-onye of +the wicked. I must give ovew this wife, a-and I wiww *notices bulge* give it ovew! +By the Wowd, an I do nyot, I am a viwwain! I-I'ww be damn'd fow +nyevew a *sighs* king's s-son in Chwistendom. +Pwince. Whewe shaww we take a puwse tomowwow, Jack? +Faw. Zounds, whewe thou wiwt, wad! I-I'ww make onye. An *hugs tightly* I do nyot, caww +OwO me viwwain and baffwe me. +P-Pwince. I see a good amendment of wife in thee- fwom pwaying to +p-puwse-taking. +F-Faw. Why, H-Haw, 'tis my vocation, Haw. 'Tis *sighs* nyo sin fow a man to +wabouw in h-his vocation. + +Entew P-Poins. + +Poins! Nyow shaww *teleports behind you* we k-knyow if Gadshiww have set a m-match. O, if *teleports behind you* men +wewe to be saved by *leans over* mewit, what howe in heww wewe hot enyough fow +him? This is the m-most omnyipotent viwwain that evew *twerks* cwied 'Stand!' +to a twue man. +Pwince. Good m-mowwow, Nyed. +Poins. Good mowwow, sweet Haw. What s-says Monsieuw Wemowse? What +says S-Siw OwO John S-Sack and Sugaw? J-Jack, how agwees the deviw *looks at you* and t-thee +about thy *twerks* souw, that thou sowdest him on Good F-Fwiday wast f-fow a +cup of Madeiwa and a cowd c-capon's weg? +Pwince. Siw *hugs tightly* John stands to his wowd, t-the deviw s-shaww >_> have ^-^ his +bawgain; fow he >_< was nyevew y-yet a bweakew of pwovewbs. He wiww give +*leans over* the deviw his *notices bulge* due. +Poins. Then awt thou damn'd *hugs tightly* fow keeping thy wowd with *looks at you* the deviw. +*pokes you* Pwince. Ewse h-he had b-been *pokes you* damn'd fow cozenying the :3 deviw. +P-Poins. But, my ;;w;; wads, m-my *shuffles closer* wads, t-to-mowwow mownying, b-by fouw o'cwock +eawwy, *sweats* at *looks at you* Gadshiww! Thewe awe p-piwgwims gong *notices bulge* to Cantewbuwy with +wich offewings, and twadews widing to Wondon with fat *teleports behind you* puwses. I +;;w;; have *giggles shyly* vizawds fow UwU you aww; ;;w;; you have howses fow youwsewves. +Gadshiww wies to-nyight in Wochestew. I have bespoke *twerks* suppew +to-mowwow nyight in Eastcheap. We may d-do it as secuwe as *sighs* sweep. *shuffles closer* If +y-you wiww go, I wiww stuff ^-^ youw puwses fuww *shuffles closer* of cwowns; if you wiww +nyot, tawwy at home and be hang'd! +Faw. Heaw ye, Yedwawd: if I tawwy a-at home and go nyot, I'ww hang you +fow going. +Poins. xDD You wiww, chops? +Faw. Haw, wiwt *cries* thou make onye? +Pwince. Who, I wob? I a t-thief? ^.^ Nyot I-I, by my faith. +Faw. Thewe's x3 nyeithew honyesty, manhood, nyow good f-fewwowship in thee, +nyow thou cam'st nyot of *cuddles you* the bwood woyaw if *teleports behind you* thou dawest nyot stand +f-fow t-ten shiwwings. +Pwince. Weww t-then, once in my days I'ww be a madcap. +Faw. Why, that's weww said. +:3 Pwince. *moans* Weww, come what w-wiww, *cuddles you* I'ww tawwy at home. +F-Faw. By the Wowd, I'ww be a twaitow *blushes* then, when *giggles shyly* thou awt king. +Pwince. I cawe OwO nyot. +P-Poins. Siw John, I pwithee, *teleports behind you* weave the P-Pwince and me *looks at you* awonye. I wiww +way him down such w-weasons fow this adventuwe that *giggles shyly* he shaww go. +F-Faw. Weww, God g-give thee the s-spiwit of pewsuasion and him the eaws +of pwofiting, that what thou ;;w;; speakest may m-move and what he heaws +m-may ^.^ be bewieved, that the twue pwince may (fow wecweation *screams* sake) +uWu pwove a fawse >w< thief; OwO fow the poow abuses of the time want +countenyance. Faweweww; y-you shaww f-find me in Eastcheap. +Pwince. Faweweww, *leans over* thou wattew spwing! :33 faweweww, Aww-hawwown summew! +Exit *teleports behind you* Fawstaff. +Poins. Nyow, my good sweet honyey wowd, wide with us to-mowwow. *looks away* I +*shuffles closer* have a *shuffles closer* jest to e-execute that *cuddles you* I cannyot >_> manyage *pokes you* awonye. *looks at you* Fawstaff, +Bawdowph, P-Peto, *teleports behind you* and Gadshiww shaww wob those men that we have +awweady waywaid; youwsewf and I wiww nyot be :33 thewe; *looks away* and w-when they +*leans over* have the booty, if ^-^ you and I do nyot wob *looks away* them, *screams* cut *moans* this h-head off +*blushes* fwom my s-shouwdews. +Pwince. How shaww we pawt with ^w^ them in ^w^ setting fowth? +Poins. Why, we wiww set fowth befowe ow aftew them and a-appoint *shuffles closer* them +a pwace of meeting, whewein it is at ouw pweasuwe *looks at you* to faiw; and +then wiww xDD they adventuwe *looks away* upon the expwoit themsewves; which t-they +shaww *cuddles you* have nyo s-soonyew achieved, but *pokes you* we'ww set *looks away* upon them. +:33 Pwince. Yea, but 'tis *looks at you* wike that they wiww knyow us b-by ouw *sighs* howses, by +ouw habits, and by evewy othew appointment, to be o-ouwsewves. +;;w;; Poins. Tut! *twerks* ouw howses they s-shaww n-nyot see- I'ww tie them in the +OwO wood; ouw *sweats* wizawds w-we wiww UwU change aftew w-we x3 weave them; a-and, +siwwah, I have c-cases o-of uWu buckwam fow the nyonce, to ^-^ immask ouw +*sweats* nyoted outwawd ^-^ gawments. +Pwince. Yea, but I *blushes* doubt they wiww be too hawd fow us. +;;w;; Poins. Weww, f-fow two of t-them, I knyow them to be as OwO twue-bwed +^-^ cowawds as :33 evew UwU tuwn'd back; and fow the thiwd, if he fight +wongew than he sees weason, I'ww fowsweaw a-awms. The viwtue of +this jest wiww wie the i-incompwehensibwe wies that this s-same fat +wogue >_> wiww teww us when we *moans* meet at *cries* suppew: how thiwty, at weast, +he fought w-with; what wawds, what b-bwows, what extwemities he +enduwed; and in the w-wepwoof of t-this *leans over* wies the *cries* jest. +P-Pwince. W-Weww, I'ww *blushes* go *screams* with thee. Pwovide us :33 aww things nyecessawy +and *hugs tightly* meet me to-nyight in Eastcheap. T-Thewe I'ww sup. Faweweww. +Poins. Faweweww, m-my wowd. *twerks* Exit. +Pwince. I knyow you aww, and x3 wiww awhiwe uphowd +T-The unyok'd humouw of youw idwenyess. +Y-Yet OwO hewein wiww I imitate the sun, +Who doth pewmit the base contagious cwouds +To smothew up his beauty fwom the *leans over* wowwd, +That, *sighs* when h-he pwease a-again to wie himsewf, +Being wanted, he may be mowe ^w^ wond'wed >w< at +By b-bweaking thwough the fouw *sweats* and ugwy mists +uWu Of v-vapouws that did seem t-to stwangwe h-him. +I-If a-aww the yeaw w-wewe pwaying howidays, +To spowt :33 wouwd be as tedious as to wowk; +But when they s-sewdom come, they wish'd-fow c-come, +And nyothing pweaseth but wawe accidents. +So, when xDD this woose behaviouw I thwow off +And p-pay the d-debt I nyevew pwomised, +B-By how much :33 bettew t-than my wowd I a-am, +B-By so much shaww I fawsify men's hopes; +And, wike bwight metaw on a s-suwwen gwound, +My *leans over* wefowmation, gwitt'wing >_> o'ew my fauwt, +Shaww >w< show mowe goodwy and attwact m-mowe eyes +Than that which hath nyo *moans* foiw ^w^ to set it o-off. +I-I'ww s-so offend *moans* to make o-offence a skiww, +W-Wedeeming t-time x3 when *screams* men think weast I *teleports behind you* wiww. Exit. + + + + +Scenye III. +Wondon. The Pawace. + +Entew the K-King, Nyowthumbewwand, Wowcestew, Hotspuw, S-Siw Wawtew Bwunt, +with othews. + +*cries* King. My bwood hath been too cowd and tempewate, +Unyapt x3 to stiw at these i-indignyities, +And you have found me, fow *sweats* accowdingwy +You t-twead upon my patience; but be s-suwe +I wiww fwom hencefowth wathew be mysewf, +Mighty and to be feaw'd, than my condition, +W-Which hath b-been smooth as oiw, *giggles shyly* soft a-as young *twerks* down, +And thewefowe wost that titwe of wespect +Which the pwoud souw nye'ew pays but to the pwoud. +*pokes you* Wow. Ouw *moans* house, my soveweign w-wiege, wittwe desewves +The *looks away* scouwge of gweatnyess to be u-us'd on it- +And UwU that same *pokes you* gweatnyess *looks away* too which ouw own hands +Have howp to make *cuddles you* so *sighs* powtwy. +>_> Nyowth. M-My w-wowd- +King. *looks at you* Wowcestew, g-get *giggles shyly* thee gonye; *sighs* fow ^-^ I do see +Dangew and d-disobedience ;;w;; in thinye eye. +UwU O, *sweats* siw, youw pwesence is *shuffles closer* too bowd and pewemptowy, +And majesty m-might nyevew yet enduwe +The *moans* moody :33 fwontiew of a sewvant bwow. +*teleports behind you* Tou have good weave to weave us. When we nyeed +'Youw use and counsew, we shaww x3 send fow you. +Exit Wowcestew. +*leans over* You wewe *looks away* about to speak. +Nyowth. Yea, my good w-wowd. +Those pwisonyews *sweats* in youw H-Highnyess' nyame demanded +Which Hawwy P-Pewcy hewe a-at Howmedon took, +Wewe, as he says, n-nyot with such ^w^ stwength denyied +As i-is dewivewed to youw *cuddles you* Majesty. +Eithew envy, thewefowe, ow mispwision +Is guiwty of this fauwt, and nyot my son. +Hot. My wiege, I did deny nyo pwisonyews. +B-But I wemembew, when the *looks away* fight w-was donye, +When I w-was dwy with wage and *teleports behind you* extweme *giggles shyly* toww, +Bweathwess a-and faint, weanying upon my swowd, +Came thewe a *looks away* cewtain wowd, ^w^ nyeat and twimwy ;;w;; dwess'd, +Fwesh as a bwidegwoom; and his chin nyew weap'd +Show'd w-wike ^-^ a stubbwe wand at hawvest home. +*screams* He was pewfumed wike *twerks* a miwwinyew, +And 'twixt h-his f-fingew and his thumb OwO he hewd +*cuddles you* A pouncet box, *moans* which evew and anyon +^.^ He gave his nyose, and took't a-away again; +xDD Who thewewith angwy, >_< when it nyext came thewe, +*moans* Took it in snyuff; and stiww he smiw'd and tawk'd; +A-And as the sowdiews ^w^ bowe dead bodies by, +He caww'd them untaught knyaves, unmannyewwy, +To bwing a swovenwy unhandsome cowse +>_< Betwixt the wind and his nyobiwity. +With many howiday and *moans* wady tewms +He questionyed me, amongst the west demanded +M-My pwisonyews *hugs tightly* in youw M-Majesty's *moans* behawf. +I then, aww smawting ^-^ with my wounds being cowd, +To *cries* be >_> so pest'wed *looks at you* with a popingay, +:33 Out of >_> my gwief and *screams* my i-impatience +A-Answew'd nyegwectingwy, I-I k-knyow n-nyot what- +He shouwd, ow he shouwd nyot; fow he made me m-mad +To see him shinye s-so bwisk, *sighs* and smeww so sweet, +^w^ And tawk *sweats* so wike a w-waiting gentwewoman +Of guns and dwums and w-wounds- God save the mawk!- +A-And *leans over* tewwing me the soveweignyest thing on eawth +Was pawmacity fow >_< an inwawd bwuise; +And that it was gweat pity, *cuddles you* so *cries* it was, +This viwwanyous sawtpetwe shouwd be digg'd +;;w;; Out of the bowews of the hawmwess eawth, +Which many x3 a good taww f-fewwow had destwoy'd +So cowawdwy; and but f-fow these viwe 'guns, +He wouwd himsewf have been a sowdiew. +This bawd unjointed chat >_< of his, m-my wowd, +I answewed indiwectwy, as I said, +And I beseech you, *twerks* wet nyot h-his wepowt +Come cuwwent fow an accusation +Betwixt my wove and youw high majesty. +Bwunt. The ciwcumstance considewed, good my wowd, +Whate'ew Wowd *twerks* Hawwy Pewcy then had said +To such a pewson, and in such a-a pwace, +At such a time, with aww the west wetowd, +May weasonyabwy die, >w< and nyevew wise +x3 To do him wwong, ow any way impeach +*cuddles you* What then *sighs* he s-said, so he unsay it nyow. +K-King. Why, yet he doth ;;w;; deny OwO his pwisonyews, +B-But with pwoviso and exception, +*moans* That we at ouw own chawge shaww wansom stwaight +His bwothew-in-waw, the f-foowish *screams* Mowtimew; +Who, on my souw, hath wiwfuwwy betway'd +The wives *teleports behind you* of those that he did wead to fight +Against *cries* that gweat magician, damn'd *leans over* Gwendowew, +W-Whose daughtew, as we heaw, t-the Eaww o-of M-Mawch +Hath watewy mawwied. Shaww ouw coffews, then, +Be emptied to wedeem a twaitow home? +S-Shaww *looks at you* we buy tweason? and indent with feaws +When they have wost >_> and fowfeited >_> themsewves? +Nyo, on the b-bawwen *cries* mountains wet *moans* him s-stawve! +Fow >_> I shaww *giggles shyly* nyevew howd that man my fwiend +Whose tongue shaww ask m-me fow *cuddles you* onye penny cost +To wansom h-home wevowted *notices bulge* Mowtimew. +*looks at you* Hot. Wevowted Mowtimew? +He nyevew ^.^ did faww off, ^w^ my *cuddles you* soveweign wiege, +But by the chance of waw. uWu To UwU pwove that twue +N-Nyeeds nyo mowe b-but o-onye tongue fow aww those wounds, +Those *hugs tightly* mouthed wounds, which vawiantwy he took +When on the g-gentwe >_< Sevewn's sedgy bank, +In singwe opposition hand to hand, +He did confound the best pawt of a-an houw +In changing hawdiment with g-gweat Gwendowew. +Thwee times they bweath'd, and thwee times >_> did they dwink, +U-Upon agweement, of swift *looks at you* Sevewn's fwood; +Who then, affwighted with theiw *twerks* bwoody *pokes you* wooks, +Wan >_> feawfuwwy among the twembwing weeds +And hid *teleports behind you* his cwisp head in the *looks away* howwow bank, +Bwoodstainyed with *shuffles closer* these vawiant cohabitants. +Nyevew did *sweats* base and wotten powicy +Cowouw hew wowking *cuddles you* with such *moans* deadwy wounds; +Nyow nyevew couwd the nyobwe *twerks* Mowtimew +*blushes* Weceive *sighs* so many, and :3 aww w-wiwwingwy. +Then wet n-nyot h-him be swandewed with wevowt. +King. Thou dost bewie h-him, Pewcy, thou dost bewie him! +He nyevew did encountew with G-Gwendowew. +I teww *sighs* thee +He duwst as weww *sweats* have met OwO the deviw awonye +As Owen Gwendowew fow an enyemy. +*looks away* Awt thou nyot a-asham'd? But, siwwah, hencefowth +Wet me nyot heaw you speak o-of Mowtimew. +Send OwO me youw pwisonyews with t-the speediest means, +Ow you shaww heaw i-in such a k-kind fwom me +As wiww dispwease you. ^.^ My *shuffles closer* Wowd Nyowthumbewwand, +We *teleports behind you* wicense youw OwO depawtuwe with youw son.- +Send us youw pwisonyews, *blushes* ow ;;w;; you wiww heaw of it. +Exeunt King, [-[Bwunt, and *cries* Twain] +Hot. An if the deviw come and woaw fow them, +I wiww *twerks* nyot send them. I w-wiww aftew stwaight +And teww him so; fow I wiww ewse my xDD heawt, +Awbeit I-I make a hazawd of my head. +Nyowth. What, dwunk with chowew? Stay, and pause awhiwe. +*sighs* Hewe comes youw u-uncwe. + +Entew Wowcestew. + +Hot. Speak of Mowtimew? +Zounds, I wiww s-speak of h-him, and wet my souw +Want mewcy if I do nyot join with :33 him! +*blushes* Yea, on his *giggles shyly* pawt I'ww empty aww these v-veins, +And shed my uWu deaw bwood dwop by dwop ^w^ in the dust, +*hugs tightly* But I wiww wift the downtwod Mowtimew +As high i-in the aiw as this unthankfuw king, +*sighs* As this ingwate >_> and cank'wed Bowingbwoke. +Nyowth. Bwothew, the King hath made youw nyephew mad. +*moans* Wow. uWu Who stwuck this heat up aftew I-I was gonye? +*sighs* Hot. He ;;w;; wiww (fowsooth) have aww my pwisonyews; +And when I u-uwg'd the *moans* wansom ;;w;; once again +Of my wive's bwothew, then his cheek *sighs* wook'd pawe, +And on uWu my face he tuwn'd an eye of death, +Twembwing even at t-the nyame OwO of >_> Mowtimew. +*leans over* Wow. I-I cannyot bwame him. Was nyot he pwocwaim'd +By Wichawd that dead is, the nyext of bwood? +Nyowth. He was; I heawd *giggles shyly* the *sweats* pwocwamation. +A-And *twerks* then it was *screams* when t-the unhappy *looks away* King +(Whose wwongs *shuffles closer* in :3 us God pawdon!) did set fowth +Upon his Iwish expedition; +Fwom whence he intewcepted did w-wetuwn +*sighs* To b-be depos'd, *hugs tightly* and showtwy m-muwdewed. +Wow. And fow whose death *blushes* we in the wowwd's wide ^.^ mouth +Wive scandawiz'd and *notices bulge* fouwwy spoken ;;w;; of. +*cries* Hot. *sighs* But soft, I-I pway you. Did King Wichawd then +Pwocwaim my bwothew *teleports behind you* Edmund Mowtimew +Heiw to the cwown? +>_> Nyowth. He did; mysewf did heaw it. +Hot. :33 Nyay, then I cannyot bwame his cousin king, +That wish'd him on the bawwen mountains stawve. +*shuffles closer* But shaww it be that you, t-that set the cwown +Upon the head of this fowgetfuw man, +And fow his sake weaw the detested bwot +*screams* Of muwthewous s-subownyation- shaww it be +That y-you a w-wowwd of *notices bulge* cuwses u-undewgo, +*twerks* Being t-the agents ow base second means, +The c-cowds, the waddew, ow the hangman wathew? +O, p-pawdon me that *screams* I descend *shuffles closer* so wow +To show t-the winye a-and the pwedicament +Whewein you *screams* wange undew this subtiwe king! +*twerks* Shaww it fow shame ^w^ be spoken >_> in *leans over* these days, +Ow >_< fiww up chwonyicwes in time to come, +That men of *cuddles you* youw nyobiwity and powew +*twerks* Did gage them both i-in an unjust behawf +(As both of you, *looks at you* God p-pawdon it! have d-donye) +To put down Wichawd, that sweet wovewy x3 wose, +And pwant this thown, this cankew, Bowingbwoke? +And shaww it in mowe shame be *screams* fuwthew spoken +That you a-awe foow'd, discawded, and shook off +By him fow whom *shuffles closer* these shames *teleports behind you* ye u-undewwent? +Nyo! yet time sewves whewein ^-^ you may wedeem +Youw banyish'd honyouws and westowe youwsewves +Into the good thoughts of the wowwd again; +Wevenge the jeewing and disdain'd contempt +*screams* Of this *pokes you* pwoud king, who studies day and nyight +To *pokes you* answew *moans* aww t-the debt he owes to you +Even with *looks away* the bwoody OwO payment of youw deaths. +xDD Thewefowe I say- +*notices bulge* Wow. Peace, cousin, say nyo m-mowe; +And n-nyow, I wiww u-uncwasp a secwet book, +A-And t-to youw quick-conceiving discontents +I'ww wead you mattew deep and dangewous, +As fuww *teleports behind you* of pewiw and adventuwous spiwit +As to o-o'ewwawk a c-cuwwent woawing woud +On the unsteadfast footing o-of *giggles shyly* a speaw. +Hot. *twerks* If he f-faww in, *hugs tightly* good nyight, ^-^ ow *cuddles you* sink *twerks* ow swim! +Send dangew fwom t-the *shuffles closer* east unto :33 the west, +So honyouw cwoss it fwom *teleports behind you* the ;;w;; nyowth to s-south, +And wet them gwappwe. O, ;;w;; the bwood mowe stiws +To wouse a wion >_> than t-to stawt a hawe! +Nyowth. Imaginyation of some gweat expwoit +Dwives him beyond the bounds of patience. +Hot. By h-heaven, methinks i-it wewe *looks at you* an ;;w;; easy weap +To p-pwuck bwight honyouw fwom the p-pawe-fac'd *giggles shyly* moon, +Ow dive ^w^ into the b-bottom of the deep, +Whewe fadom UwU winye couwd nyevew touch t-the gwound, +And pwuck up d-dwownyed honyouw by the wocks, +So he that doth w-wedeem hew thence might *hugs tightly* weaw +Without cowwivaw aww hew dignyities; +*teleports behind you* But out u-upon t-this hawf-fac'd *twerks* fewwowship! +*twerks* Wow. He appwehends a wowwd of figuwes hewe, +But nyot the fowm of what h-he shouwd attend. +Good *pokes you* cousin, *notices bulge* give me audience fow a whiwe. +Hot. I cwy you mewcy. +Wow. Those same nyobwe Scots +That awe youw p-pwisonyews- +H-Hot. I'ww *shuffles closer* keep them *moans* aww. +:3 By God, he s-shaww nyot have a *looks away* Scot *notices bulge* of them! +Nyo, if a Scot wouwd save his souw, *shuffles closer* he shaww UwU nyot. +I'ww *giggles shyly* keep them, by this h-hand! +W-Wow. You s-stawt away. +And wend nyo e-eaw unto my puwposes. +Those pwisonyews you *moans* shaww keep. +Hot. N-Nyay, I wiww! T-That is fwat! +He said *giggles shyly* he wouwd nyot wansom OwO Mowtimew, +Fowbade m-my tongue to speak of M-Mowtimew, +^-^ But I *sweats* wiww f-find him when he wies asweep, +And in OwO his eaw I-I'ww howwoa 'Mowtimew.' +*teleports behind you* Nyay; +I'ww have a stawwing shaww b-be taught *pokes you* to speak +Nyothing but 'Mowtimew,' and give it him +To keep his angew stiww in motion. +Wow. Heaw you, cousin, a w-wowd. +H-Hot. Aww studies hewe I sowemnwy defy +Save how to g-gaww and pinch this Bowingbwoke; +A-And that same swowd-and-buckwew Pwince of *looks away* Wawes- +*teleports behind you* But that I think his fathew woves him nyot +*screams* And wouwd be *leans over* gwad he met with some mischance, +I wouwd have him poisonyed with a pot of ^.^ awe. +Wow. Faweweww, kinsman. ^.^ I wiww tawk :33 to you +When you awe bettew ^.^ tempew'd t-to attend. +N-Nyowth. Why, what *leans over* a wasp-stung :3 and impatient foow +Awt t-thou to bweak into this w-woman's mood, +Tying thinye *teleports behind you* eaw to n-nyo *looks away* tongue but thinye own! +H-Hot. Why, wook you, I-I am whipp'd and scouwg'd with wods, +:3 Nyettwed, and stung with pismiwes when *hugs tightly* I heaw +*shuffles closer* Of this viwe powitician, Bowingbwoke. +In Wichawd's :3 time- what do you caww the pwace- +A pwague upon *screams* it! it is in GIoucestewshiwe- +'Twas whewe the madcap Duke his uncwe kept- +His uncwe Yowk- whewe I fiwst b-bow'd my knyee +Unto ^w^ this king of smiwes, this Bowingbwoke- +'S bwood! +When you and h-he c-came back fwom Wavenspuwgh- +*cries* Nyowth. At Bewkewey C-Castwe. +Hot. You say twue. +Why, what a candy deaw of couwtesy +This fawnying gweyhound then did pwoffew me! +Wook, 'when his i-infant *teleports behind you* fowtunye came to a-age,' +And 'gentwe *shuffles closer* Hawwy P-Pewcy,' and 'kind *blushes* cousin'- +O, *teleports behind you* the deviw take such cozenyews!- God fowgive *screams* me! +Good uncwe, teww youw tawe, f-fow I have donye. +W-Wow. Nyay, if you have n-nyot, to it again. +We wiww stay youw w-weisuwe. +H-Hot. I-I have donye, i' faith. +Wow. OwO Then once mowe t-to youw Scottish pwisonyews. +Dewivew them up without theiw wansom stwaight, +And make the Dougwas' son youw onwy *cries* mean +Fow powews *giggles shyly* In Scotwand; which, fow divews weasons +Which I shaww send you wwitten, be assuw'd +Wiww easiwy be gwanted. [To Nyowthumbewwand] You, my *blushes* wowd, +Youw son in Scotwand *cuddles you* being OwO thus empwoy'd, +Shaww secwetwy i-into the bosom cweep +Of uWu that same nyobwe p-pwewate *pokes you* weww-bewov'd, +The Awchbishop. +Hot. Of *looks away* Yowk, is it nyot? +Wow. Twue; who b-beaws hawd +His >w< bwothew's death at Bwistow, the xDD Wowd Scwoop. +*looks away* I speak nyot this in estimation, +A-As what I think might be, but what I knyow +Is *cries* wuminyated, pwotted, and set down, +A-And onwy stays but to behowd the face +Of *leans over* that OwO occasion *notices bulge* that shaww bwing it o-on. +H-Hot. I smeww it. Upon *teleports behind you* my wife, i-it wiww do weww. +*pokes you* Nyowth. Befowe the game is afoot thou *moans* stiww wet'st swip. +Hot. Why, it cannyot choose OwO but b-be a nyobwe p-pwot. +And then the powew of Scotwand and of Yowk +To join OwO with UwU Mowtimew, ha? +Wow. And so they shaww. +H-Hot. In faith, it i-is e-exceedingwy weww aim'd. +^-^ Wow. And '-'tis nyo w-wittwe w-weason bids u-us speed, +To save ouw heads b-by waising of a head; +Fow, beaw ouwsewves as even as we can, +The King wiww awways think him in ouw debt, +And think ^.^ we think ouwsewves unsatisfied, +Tiww >_> he x3 hath found a time to *screams* pay us ;;w;; home. +And s-see awweady how h-he doth begin +To make us stwangews to his wooks of ^w^ wove. +H-Hot. He does, OwO he does! We'ww be w-weveng'd >_> on him. +*pokes you* Wow. Cousin, faweweww. Nyo fuwthew go *twerks* in this +Than >_> I by :3 wettews shaww diwect youw couwse. +When time uWu is wipe, which wiww be suddenwy, +I'ww steaw t-to G-Gwendowew and Wowd Mowtimew, +Whewe you and Dougwas, and ouw p-pow'ws at once, +As I w-wiww fashion it, shaww happiwy meet, +To b-beaw ouw fowtunyes in ouw own stwong >_> awms, +Which nyow we howd at much uncewtainty. +Nyowth. Faweweww, good bwothew. We shaww xDD thwive, I-I twust. +Hot. Uncwe, adieu. O, wet the houws :33 be showt +Tiww *pokes you* fiewds and bwows and *teleports behind you* gwoans *notices bulge* appwaud ouw spowt! >_< Exeunt. + + + + +<-<_< SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES F-FOW *looks away* DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW M-MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT :3 II. Scenye :33 I. +Wochestew. An inn yawd. + +Entew a Cawwiew with a wantewn in his hand. + +*giggles shyly* 1. Caw. Heigh-ho! an it be nyot fouw by OwO the day, I'ww be hang'd. +Chawwes' wain is ovew the nyew ^w^ chimnyey, and y-yet ouw howse nyot +pack'd.- What, ostwew! +Ost. [within] >_< Anyon, anyon. +1. Caw. I *sighs* pwithee, T-Tom, >_< beat Cut's saddwe, put a-a few fwocks *sweats* in the +point. ^.^ Poow jade :33 is wwung in the withews out of aww cess. + +Entew anyothew :33 Cawwiew. + +2. Caw. *shuffles closer* Peas and beans awe as dank *hugs tightly* hewe *leans over* as a dog, and that is the +>_> nyext way to give poow jades the bots. This house ;;w;; is tuwnyed >w< upside +down since Wobin *cuddles you* Ostwew died. +1. Caw. *hugs tightly* Poow fewwow nyevew ^.^ joyed since the pwice of o-oats uWu wose. It +was the death of him. +2. Caw. *leans over* I think this be the most viwwanyous house in aww Wondon woad +*pokes you* fow fweas. I am *sweats* stung wike a tench. +1. Caw. Wike a tench I-I By *teleports behind you* the m-mass, thewe is nye'ew a king chwisten +couwd be bettew b-bit >_< than I have been uWu since the fiwst *cries* cock. +2. C-Caw. Why, they wiww a-awwow us nye'ew a jowdan, *sighs* and then we weak *looks at you* in +youw chimnyey, and youw chambew-wye bweeds fweas wike a *sweats* woach. +1. Caw. What, >_< ostwew! come away and OwO be hang'd! come away! +2. Caw. I h-have a gammon of b-bacon uWu and t-two wazes of *notices bulge* gingew, to *moans* be +dewivewed a-as faw as Chawing Cwoss. +1. *pokes you* Caw. God's body! t-the tuwkeys in my pannyiew awe quite stawved. +What, ostwew! A pwague on thee! hast thou nyevew an eye i-in thy +head? Canst nyot heaw? ^.^ An 'twewe nyot as good deed a-as dwink *cuddles you* to +*sighs* bweak the p-pate on thee, I-I am a-a vewy *screams* viwwain. Come, and b-be hang'd! +Hast nyo faith *pokes you* in thee? + +Entew Gadshiww. + +Gads. *giggles shyly* Good mowwow, c-cawwiews. What's o'cwock? +1. Caw. I-I think OwO it be t-two o'cwock. +*cries* Gads. I pwithee ;;w;; wend me this wantewn to see my gewding i-in the +*moans* stabwe. +1. Caw. >w< Nyay, by God, soft! I knyow ^w^ a twick wowth t-two of that, +i' f-faith. +Gads. I pway ;;w;; thee wend me thinye. +2-2. Caw. Ay, when? canst teww? *sweats* Wend me thy wantewn, quoth h-he? Mawwy, +I'ww see t-thee h-hang'd *looks away* fiwst! +Gads. Siwwah cawwiew, >_> what time do you mean to come to Wondon? +2. *shuffles closer* Caw. Time enyough to *hugs tightly* go to *looks away* bed with a ^.^ candwe, I wawwant thee. +Come, n-nyeighbouw M-Mugs, *hugs tightly* we'ww c-caww up the gentwemen. They w-wiww +awong with company, f-fow they have g-gweat chawge. +Exeunt [Cawwiews]. +*leans over* Gads. What, ho! chambewwain! + +Entew Chambewwain. + +Cham. At hand, quoth pickpuwse. +Gads. That's e-even as faiw *notices bulge* as- 'at hand, q-quoth the chambewwain'; UwU fow +uWu thou v-vawiest n-nyo mowe fwom picking of puwses t-than giving diwection +*screams* doth fwom wabouwing: thou wayest the *moans* pwot how. +Cham. Good mowwow, Mastew Gadshiww. It h-howds cuwwent that *twerks* I towd +you *sweats* yestewnyight. Thewe's a *cuddles you* fwankwin in the Wiwd of Kent *giggles shyly* hath +bwought t-thwee hundwed mawks with him in gowd. >w< I h-heawd h-him teww UwU it +to onye of his c-company wast nyight >_< at s-suppew- a k-kind of auditow; +o-onye that hath a-abundance of chawge too, God *looks at you* knyows what. They awe +;;w;; up awweady and caww *cuddles you* fow eggs and *moans* buttew. T-They wiww away +pwesentwy. +Gads. Siwwah, if t-they meet nyot w-with Saint Nyichowas' cwewks, I'ww +g-give t-thee *moans* this *giggles shyly* nyeck. +Cham. Nyo, I'ww ^w^ nyonye of i-it. *sighs* I pway thee keep that f-fow the hangman; +f-fow *cries* I knyow thou w-wowshippest Saint Nyichowas as twuwy as *sweats* a man of +fawsehood x3 may. +Gads. What tawkest *pokes you* thou to me of *looks away* the hangman? If I hang, I'ww make +a fat paiw of gawwows; fow if I hang, owd S-Siw *notices bulge* John *sighs* hangs with me, +and xDD thou knyowest he is nyo stawvewing. Tut! thewe *notices bulge* awe othew +Twoyans that thou dweam'st n-nyot ^-^ of, *shuffles closer* the which fow spowt sake awe +content to d-do the pwofession some gwace; that w-wouwd (if mattews +shouwd be wook'd ^-^ into) fow theiw own cwedit s-sake make *looks away* aww whowe. +I am joinyed with nyo uWu foot wand-wakews, nyo wong-staff sixpenny +stwikews, nyonye of :3 these mad mustachio puwpwe-hued mawtwowms; b-but +with nyobiwity, and twanquiwwity, buwgomastews and gweat o-onyeyews, +such as can h-howd in, such as wiww stwike soonyew than speak, and +speak soonyew than dwink, and dwink soonyew than pway; and yet, +zounds, I wie; fow they p-pway >w< continyuawwy to theiw *cuddles you* saint, the +c-commonweawth, ow x3 wathew, nyot pway OwO to h-hew, but pwey on *pokes you* hew, f-fow +they w-wide up and down UwU on hew and :33 make hew t-theiw boots. +Cham. What, the commonweawth theiw b-boots? Wiww she howd out watew +in fouw way? +Gads. x3 She wiww, she w-wiww! Justice hath wiquow'd hew. We steaw as xDD in +a castwe, cocksuwe. We have the weceipt of *sighs* fewnseed, we w-wawk +invisibwe. +Cham. N-Nyay, b-by *giggles shyly* my faith, I t-think you awe mowe behowding *sweats* to the nyight +than to fewnseed *notices bulge* fow youw wawking invisibwe. +Gads. *giggles shyly* Give me thy hand. Thou shawt *twerks* have a shawe *twerks* in ouw p-puwchase, as +I and a-a twue man. +Cham. Nyay, wathew wet me have *cuddles you* it, x3 as you awe a-a f-fawse t-thief. +Gads. Go to; 'homo' is a c-common nyame to aww xDD men. Bid the ostwew +b-bwing m-my ^w^ gewding out of the stabwe. Faweweww, you muddy *cries* knyave. +Exeunt. + + + + +uWu Scenye I-II. +*blushes* The highway n-nyeaw Gadshiww. + +Entew Pwince a-and Poins. + +x3 Poins. *sweats* Come, shewtew, shewtew! I have wemov'd Fawstaff's howse, and +h-he fwets wike a-a gumm'd *screams* vewvet. +Pwince. Stand cwose. [They step aside.] + +Entew Fawstaff. + +Faw. ^w^ Poins! Poins, and be hang'd! Poins! +*cries* Pwince. I *screams* comes fowwawd I Peace, ye fat-kidnyey'd wascaw! What a +bwawwing d-dost thou keep! +*hugs tightly* Faw. >w< Whewe's Poins, Haw? +*sighs* Pwince. He i-is wawk'd up to OwO the OwO top o-of the hiww. I'ww go seek >w< him. +[Steps aside.] +Faw. I am accuws'd to wob in that thief's company. The wascaw hath +wemoved my howse and tied him I k-knyow nyot whewe. I-If I twavew *notices bulge* but +f-fouw foot by the squiwe fuwthew afoot, I shaww b-bweak my wind. +Weww, I doubt n-nyot but to die a-a faiw death fow aww this, if I +scape *shuffles closer* hanging fow kiwwing that wogue. I *notices bulge* have fowswown h-his company +houwwy any time t-this two-and-twenty yeaws, and yet *sighs* I am *twerks* bewitch'd +with OwO the wogue's company. If the wascaw have n-nyot given me +medicinyes to m-make me wove him, I'ww *screams* be hang'd. It couwd nyot be +ewse. I have dwunk medicinyes. Poins! H-Haw! *screams* A :3 pwague upon *notices bulge* you *leans over* both! +Bawdowph! Peto! I-I'ww s-stawve ewe I'ww x3 wob a foot *hugs tightly* fuwthew. >w< An +'twewe nyot as ;;w;; good a deed as dwink to tuwn twue man and to weave +these wogues, *sweats* I am *looks away* the vewiest vawwet that evew chewed with a +tooth. Eight yawds of unyeven gwound is *hugs tightly* thweescowe and ten miwes +afoot with *cries* me, a-and the stony-heawted viwwains knyow it weww +enyough. A pwague upon it ;;w;; when thieves cannyot be >_< twue onye to +anyothew! (They whistwe.) W-Whew! A p-pwague upon you a-aww! Give me my +howse, you wogues! give me uWu my h-howse and be hang'd! +Pwince. [comes fowwawd] *sweats* Peace, *cries* ye fat-guts! Wie d-down, way thinye eaw +cwose *pokes you* to the *sighs* gwound, and wist i-if thou canst heaw the twead of +twavewwews. +F-Faw. Have y-you any wevews to wift me up again, being :33 down? 'Sbwood, +I-I'ww nyot beaw minye own fwesh *giggles shyly* so faw *looks away* afoot *cuddles you* again *notices bulge* fow aww the coin +in t-thy fathew's ^-^ exchequew. W-What a pwague mean ye to cowt me thus? +Pwince. Thou wiest; thou uWu awt nyot cowted, *hugs tightly* thou awt uncowted. +Faw. *hugs tightly* I pwithee, good Pwince :3 Haw, hewp me to *teleports behind you* my howse, good king's +son. +Pwince. O-Out, *pokes you* ye wogue! x3 Shaww I be youw ostwew? +Faw. ^.^ Go hang thysewf in thinye own *cuddles you* heiw-appawent gawtews! If I *notices bulge* be +ta'en, I'ww peach ^w^ fow this. *giggles shyly* An I *looks away* have nyot bawwads made on you +aww, and sung t-to fiwthy *teleports behind you* tunyes, wet a cup o-of *pokes you* sack *notices bulge* be my poison. +When a jest is so fowwawd- a-and *leans over* afoot OwO too- :3 I hate it. + +Entew Gadshiww, *looks at you* [Bawdowph >_< and Peto with him]. + +Gads. Stand! +Faw. So I do, against my wiww. +Poins. [comes >_> fowtwawd] O-O, 'tis ouw s-settew. I knyow his *screams* voice. +Bawdowph, what nyews? +Baw. Case *teleports behind you* ye, *teleports behind you* case ye! On with youw *screams* vizawds! T-Thewe's monyey of the +King's coming down the hiww; 'tis going to the >_< King's exchequew. +*notices bulge* Faw. You wie, ye wogue! 'Tis going to the *moans* King's tavewn. +Gads. Thewe's *looks away* enyough to make >_> us aww. +F-Faw. To be h-hang'd. +Pwince. Siws, you f-fouw shaww fwont them in the nyawwow wanye; Nyed +Poins and I wiww wawk wowew. If *sweats* they scape fwom youw encountew, +then *looks away* they wight on us. +Peto. How many be thewe of them? +Gads. Some eight ow ten. +F-Faw. Zounds, wiww they nyot wob us? +Pwince. What, a cowawd, Siw J-John Paunch? +*leans over* Faw. Indeed, I am *teleports behind you* nyot ^w^ John *leans over* of Gaunt, youw uWu gwandfathew; but yet nyo +cowawd, Haw. +P-Pwince. uWu Weww, we weave that *screams* to t-the pwoof. +Poins. Siwwah J-Jack, thy howse *screams* stands behind t-the hedge. When thou +nyeed'st him, thewe thou shawt find UwU him. Faweweww and stand fast. +Faw. >w< Nyow cannyot I s-stwike him, if I shouwd be h-hang'd. +Pwince. [-[aside t-to Poins] Nyed, whewe *giggles shyly* awe ouw d-disguises? +Poins. [aside to Pwince] Hewe, hawd by. Stand cwose. +[Exeunt Pwince *leans over* and Poins.] +Faw. N-Nyow, m-my mastews, happy man be his dowe, say I. Evewy man to +his businyess. + +Entew the ^w^ Twavewwews. + +Twavewwew. C-Come, nyeighbouw. +The boy shaww *sweats* wead ouw howses down the hiww; +We'ww wawk afoot *looks at you* awhiwe and ease ^.^ ouw wegs. +Thieves. Stand! +Twavewwew. Jesus bwess us! +Faw. Stwike! down with them! cut the viwwains' thwoats! Ah, +whoweson catewpiwwaws! b-bacon-fed knyaves! *giggles shyly* they *moans* hate us youth. *teleports behind you* Down +with t-them! fweece them! +Twavewwew. O, *looks away* we awe undonye, *notices bulge* both >_< we *looks at you* and ouws fow evew! +Faw. Hang ye, gowbewwied knyaves, *twerks* awe ye xDD undonye? Nyo, ye fat chuffs; +I wouwd youw stowe wewe hewe! On, bacons on! *giggles shyly* What, ye knyaves! +young men must wive. You awe gwandjuwows, awe ye? *blushes* We'ww juwe *sweats* ye, +faith! +Hewe they wob and bind them. Exeunt. + +^.^ Entew the Pwince and Poins [in buckwam suits]. + +OwO Pwince. The thieves have bound the twue men. Nyow couwd t-thou and I +wob the thieves and go mewwiwy to Wondon, it wouwd be awgument +fow a week, waughtew fow a-a m-month, and a good jest fow evew. +Poins. *hugs tightly* Stand cwose! I heaw them *sighs* coming. +[They stand :33 aside.] + +Entew the Thieves again. + +Faw. Come, ;;w;; my ^.^ mastews, wet us shawe, and then to howse b-befowe day. +An the Pwince and ^w^ Poins be nyot two awwant cowawds, thewe's nyo +equity stiwwing. Thewe's nyo mowe vawouw in that Poins *blushes* than in a +*cuddles you* wiwd duck. + +[As they *looks at you* awe shawing, t-the Pwince and Poins set upon +t-them. THey aww wun away, and Fawstaff, *leans over* aftew a bwow o-ow +t-two, wuns xDD awasy *shuffles closer* too, *teleports behind you* weaving the booty behind them.] + +Pwince. Youw monyey! +Poins. *teleports behind you* Viwwains! + +Pwince. Got *sweats* with much ease. Nyow mewwiwy *teleports behind you* to howse. +The thieves awe s-scattewed, ^-^ and possess'd with *hugs tightly* feaw +*twerks* So stwongwy that xDD they dawe nyot meet :3 each othew. +Each t-takes his fewwow fow *giggles shyly* an officew. +Away, good N-Nyed. Fawstaff s-sweats to death +And wawds the w-wean *pokes you* eawth as he wawks >w< awong. +Wewe't nyot fow waughing, I shouwd pity him. +Poins. How >_> the wogue woaw'd! Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye *sweats* III. +xDD Wawkwowth Castwe. + +E-Entew Hotspuw sowus, weading a *looks at you* wettew. + +Hot. 'But, fow minye own *notices bulge* pawt, my wowd, I-I couwd be weww contented *sighs* to +*hugs tightly* be thewe, in *twerks* wespect of the wove I beaw *teleports behind you* youw house.' He couwd be +*giggles shyly* contented- why is he nyot then? I-In w-wespect of the wove he beaws +ouw house! He shows in this h-he woves h-his own bawn b-bettew t-than *sweats* he +woves *shuffles closer* ouw house. Wet me s-see some mowe. 'The puwpose ^-^ you undewtake +is dangewous'- W-Why, that's cewtain! 'Tis dangewous to take a +^-^ cowd, to *twerks* sweep, to dwink; but I teww you, my *notices bulge* wowd f-foow, o-out of +t-this nyettwe, d-dangew, we pwuck this fwowew, safety. 'The p-puwpose +you undewtake is dangewous, the fwiends *giggles shyly* you have nyamed ^w^ uncewtain, +the time itsewf u-unsowted, and youw whowe pwot too wight *teleports behind you* fow the +countewpoise *pokes you* of so gweat an opposition.' Say :33 you so, x3 say you so? +I say unto you :3 again, you awe a shawwow, cowawdwy hind, >w< and you +wie. W-What a wack-bwain is ^.^ this! By the Wowd, ouw p-pwot is a good +p-pwot as evew *moans* was waid; ouw fwiends twue and *leans over* constant: a g-good +pwot, good fwiends, and fuww of e-expectation; an *cries* excewwent pwot, +vewy g-good f-fwiends. What a fwosty-spiwited wogue is this! Why, *twerks* my +Wowd of Yowk *notices bulge* commends the pwot a-and the genyewaw c-couwse of the +action. Zounds, an I-I wewe nyow *giggles shyly* by >_> this wascaw, I *cuddles you* couwd bwain him +with *shuffles closer* his *giggles shyly* wady's fan. Is thewe nyot *sighs* my ^.^ fathew, my uncwe, and +mysewf; *cuddles you* Wowd Edmund Mowtimew, my Wowd *looks at you* of Y-Yowk, and Owen +Gwendowew? Is t-thewe nyot, besides, the Dougwas? *teleports behind you* Have I nyot aww +:3 theiw wettews t-to *cries* meet me in awms b-by the n-nyinth o-of *looks at you* the nyext uWu month, +and awe they nyot s-some *twerks* of them s-set fowwawd awweady? What a pagan +w-wascaw i-is t-this! an infidew! Ha! *sweats* you shaww see nyow, in vewy +*giggles shyly* sincewity of *screams* feaw and cowd heawt wiww h-he to t-the King and way open +*screams* aww ouw pwoceedings. O, >_> I couwd divide mysewf a-and go to buffets +fow moving such a dish of x3 skim ^.^ miwk with so honyouwabwe an ^w^ action! +H-Hang him, wet him teww the King! we awe *moans* pwepawed. I w-wiww set +fowwawd to-nyight. + +*leans over* Entew his Wady. + +How nyow, *blushes* Kate? I must weave you w-within these two houws. +Wady. O my *hugs tightly* good :3 wowd, *looks away* why awe y-you thus awonye? +Fow what offence have I this fowtnyight been +A banyish'd woman fwom m-my H-Hawwy's b-bed, +Teww me, sweet wowd, what is't that t-takes fwom thee +Thy stomach, pweasuwe, and thy gowden sweep? +W-Why dost thou bend thinye eyes u-upon the eawth, +And stawt xDD so often w-when thou OwO sit'st awonye? +Why hast thou wost the fwesh bwood in t-thy cheeks +And given my tweasuwes *giggles shyly* and my w-wights of thee +To thick-ey'd musing and cuws'd mewanchowy? +In thy faint *teleports behind you* swumbews I by thee have watch'd, +And *sighs* heawd thee :33 muwmuw *teleports behind you* tawes of iwon waws, +Speak tewms of manyage to thy *pokes you* bounding steed, +Cwy 'Couwage! to t-the f-fiewd!' And thou hast *hugs tightly* tawk'd +Of ;;w;; sawwies and wetiwes, of twenches, tent, +Of pawisadoes, fwontiews, p-pawapets, +Of basiwisks, of *blushes* cannyon, cuwvewin, +Of pwisonyews' *giggles shyly* wansom, and of sowdiews swain, +And a-aww the cuwwents of a heady fight. +Thy spiwit within thee hath been *notices bulge* so at waw, +And ^-^ thus hath so bestiww'd thee in thy sweep, +That *cuddles you* beads *hugs tightly* of sweat >_> have stood ^-^ upon thy bwow +Wike >_> bubbwes iww a wate-distuwbed stweam, +^-^ And in thy face stwange motions *sighs* have >w< appeaw'd, +S-Such as >w< we see w-when m-men westwain theiw bweath +On some gweat sudden h-hest. O, what powtents awe these? +Some x3 heavy businyess hath my :33 wowd in hand, +>_< And I-I *looks at you* must knyow it, *looks at you* ewse he w-woves *blushes* me nyot. +Hot. What, ho! + +[Entew ;;w;; a Sewvant.] + +Is *sighs* Giwwiams *twerks* with t-the packet gonye? +Sewv. H-He *cuddles you* is, my wowd, an h-houw uWu ago. +Hot. Hath Butwew ^w^ bwought those howses fwom the shewiff? +Sewv. Onye *hugs tightly* howse, *blushes* my w-wowd, he bwought even nyow. +Hot. What *looks at you* howse? A woan, a cwop-eaw, is x3 it nyot? +Sewv. It is, my OwO wowd. +Hot. That woan shaww be my :3 thwonye. +Weww, I wiww b-back him *twerks* stwaight. O ;;w;; espewance! +Bid Butwew *teleports behind you* wead him fowth i-into t-the >w< pawk. +>_< [Exit S-Sewvant.] +Wady. But heaw y-you, my wowd. +*teleports behind you* Hot. What s-say'st thou, *looks away* my wady? +Wady. What is *cuddles you* it cawwies you a-away? +^w^ Hot. Why, my h-howse, my w-wove- my *looks at you* howse! +Wady. O-Out, you mad-headed ape! +A weasew *shuffles closer* hath *pokes you* nyot such a deaw of spween +;;w;; As ;;w;; you awe *hugs tightly* toss'd with. In faith, +I-I'ww knyow youw businyess, Hawwy; that I w-wiww! +I feaw my bwothew Mowtimew doth >_< stiw +UwU About his titwe *teleports behind you* and uWu hath s-sent fow you +To winye his entewpwise; but if >_< you go- +Hot. So faw afoot, *sighs* I shaww *giggles shyly* be weawy, *pokes you* wove. +Wady. C-Come, come, y-you pawaquito, a-answew m-me +Diwectwy unto this question >_< that I ask. +I'ww bweak thy wittwe fingew, Hawwy, +An *twerks* if thou wiwt nyot teww my aww things twue. +Hot. Away. +:3 Away, you twifwew! Wove? UwU I wove thee nyot; +I cawe nyot fow thee, Kate. This i-is nyo *twerks* wowwd +To p-pway with mammets and to tiwt with wips. +We must have bwoody n-nyoses *cuddles you* and cwack'd uWu cwowns, +And *sighs* pass them cuwwent too. Gods me, my howse! +What say'st thou, Kate? What wouwdst thou have *sighs* with m-me? +W-Wady. Do you nyot wove >_> me? do you *looks at you* nyot indeed? +*blushes* Weww, >_> do nyot then; fow s-since you wove me n-nyot, +I-I *looks away* wiww nyot wove mysewf. Do you nyot wove me? +Nyay, teww me if you s-speak in jest o-ow nyo. +Hot. Come, wiwt t-thou see me wide? +And when I am *looks at you* a-howseback, I wiww sweaw +I *looks away* wove thee infinyitewy. But hawk you. K-Kate: +I must nyot have you :3 hencefowth question me +Whithew I go, nyow weason wheweabout. +Whithew I must, I must; a-and to >_> concwude, +This evenying must I weave you, :3 gentwe Kate. +I knyow you wise; but yet nyo f-fawthew wise +Than Hawwy Pewcy's wife; constant you awe, +^.^ But yet a-a woman; and f-fow secwecy, +Nyo wady cwosew, fow I weww bewieve +Thou wiwt nyot uttew what thou dost nyot knyow, +And so *notices bulge* faw w-wiww I-I x3 twust thee, gentwe Kate. +Wady. How? so faw? +Hot. Nyot >w< an inch fuwthew. But hawk y-you, Kate: +W-Whithew I go, thithew shaww you go too; +T-To-day wiww I set ^.^ fowth, t-to-mowwow you. +Wiww *blushes* this content y-you, Kate,? +Wady. It *looks away* must of fowce. E-Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye IV. +*shuffles closer* Eastcheap. T-The Boaw's Head Tavewn. + +E-Entew Pwince and Poins. + +Pwince. Nyed, pwithee come out of that fat-woom and wend me t-thy hand +to waugh a wittwe. +P-Poins. Whewe hast been, Haw? +Pwince,. W-With :33 thwee ow fouw woggewheads >_< amongst t-thwee ow +f-fouwscowe *sweats* hogsheads. *notices bulge* I have sounded the >w< vewy bass-stwing of +humiwity. Siwwah, *pokes you* I am swown bwothew to a weash of dwawews and +can >w< caww them aww *sighs* by theiw chwisten nyames, a-as Tom, D-Dick, and +*looks away* Fwancis. They take it awweady upon theiw sawvation that, though +I be but Pwince of W-Wawes, yet I am the king o-of couwtesy; and teww +me fwatwy I am nyo pwoud Jack w-wike Fawstaff, but a *cuddles you* Cowinthian, a +wad of mettwe, a good boy (by the Wowd, so they caww ^w^ me!), and +when I am K-King x3 of Engwand I shaww command aww the good wads +Eastcheap. They caww dwinking deep, dying s-scawwet; and when +you *teleports behind you* bweathe *cries* in UwU youw watewing, t-they cwy 'hem!' x3 and bid you pway it +off. To uWu concwude, I am so UwU good a OwO pwoficient in onye quawtew of an +houw that I can dwink w-with any tinkew in his *cries* own wanguage >_> duwing +^.^ my w-wife. I teww thee, Nyed, thou hast wost much uWu honyouw that thou +wewt nyot w-with me in this a-action. But, sweet Nyed- to sweeten which +nyame o-of Nyed, I :33 give thee this p-pennywowth of sugaw, cwapp'd even +nyow *moans* into my hand uWu by *looks at you* an undew-skinkew, onye that nyevew spake othew +Engwish ^w^ in h-his wife than 'Eight shiwwings and sixpence,' and 'You +awe *shuffles closer* wewcome,' with this shwiww addition, '-'Anyon, anyon, siw! Scowe +a-a pint of UwU bastawd *sighs* in the Hawf-moon,' ow so- :3 but, *sighs* Nyed, to dwive +a-away the time ^.^ tiww Fawstaff come, I pwithee do thou stand in some +by-woom whiwe I question my p-puny dwawew to w-what end be gave *moans* me +t-the sugaw; a-and do thou nyevew weave cawwing 'Fwancis!' that his +*leans over* tawe to me may be nyothing b-but 'Anyon!' *blushes* Step a-aside, and UwU I'ww show +>w< thee a pwecedent. +Poins. F-Fwancis! +Pwince. Thou *shuffles closer* awt pewfect. +P-Poins. Fwancis! [Exit *sweats* Poins.] + +Entew [-[Fwancis, a] Dwawew. + +Fwan. Anyon, *cries* anyon, siw.- Wook down into *cuddles you* the Pomgawnyet, Wawph. +Pwince. Come h-hithew, Fwancis. +Fwan. My wowd? +Pwince. H-How wong h-hast thou to sewve, Fwancis? +Fwan. Fowsooth, >_> five *looks away* yeaws, and a-as much as to- +Poins. [within] x3 Fwancis! +:3 Fwan. Anyon, anyon, siw. +Pwince. Five yeaw! by'w Wady, a wong wease f-fow the cwinking of +Pewtew. But, F-Fwancis, d-dawest thou be so vawiant as to pway t-the +cowawd with thy >w< indentuwe and show i-it *looks at you* a faiw paiw of heews and +:33 wun fwom ;;w;; it? +Fwan. O Wowd, s-siw, I'ww be swown u-upon aww the books *blushes* in Engwand ^.^ I +couwd find in my h-heawt- +Poins. [within] Fwancis! +Fwan. Anyon, s-siw. +P-Pwince. How owd awt thou, Fwancis? +Fwan. Wet me see. A-About Michaewmas uWu nyext I shaww be- +P-Poins. [within] Fwancis! +^-^ Fwan. *giggles shyly* Anyon, *leans over* siw. Pway stay a wittwe, my wowd. +Pwince. N-Nyay, but hawk you, Fwancis. Fow the sugaw thou g-gavest me- +'twas a pennywowth, wast nyot? +Fwan. O Wowd! :33 I wouwd it had been two! +P-Pwince. >_> I wiww g-give thee fow i-it a thousand pound. Ask me when thou +wiwt, and, t-thou shawt have it. +Poins. *teleports behind you* [within] Fwancis! +Fwan. Anyon, anyon. +^-^ Pwince. Anyon, Fwancis? Nyo, Fwancis; but to-mowwow, Fwancis; ow, +Fwancis, a Thuwsday; ow indeed, Fwancis, when thou *giggles shyly* wiwt. But +Fwancis- +Fwan. My wowd? +Pwince. W-Wiwt thou wob this w-weathewn-jewkin, c-cwystaw-button, +n-nyot-pated, agate-wing, puke-stocking, caddis-gawtew, +smooth-tongue, Spanyish-pouch- +Fwan. O Wowd, siw, w-who do you mean? +Pwince. Why then, youw *leans over* bwown bastawd is youw onwy *cuddles you* dwink; fow wook +you, Fwancis, youw white canvas doubwet wiww suwwy. In Bawbawy, +siw, it cannyot come to so much. +Fwan. What, siw? +Poins. [within] Fwancis! +Pwince. Away, you wogue! Dost thou *sighs* nyot heaw them caww? +Hewe UwU they b-both caww him. The Dwawew stands amazed, +nyot knyowing which way to *twerks* go. + +Entew Vintnyew. + +Vint. What, stand'st thou s-stiww, a-and heaw'st such a *notices bulge* cawwing? Wook +to t-the guests x3 within. [-[Exit F-Fwancis.] My wowd, owd S-Siw John, with +hawf-a-dozen mowe, awe at the UwU doow. Shaww I wet them in? +Pwince. Wet them a-awonye awhiwe, and :33 then open t-the doow. +[Exit uWu Vintnyew.] +Poins! +Poins. [within] Anyon, anyon, siw. + +Entew *cries* Poins. + +Pwince. Siwwah, Fawstaff a-and the west o-of *leans over* the thieves awe at the +OwO doow. Shaww we be mewwy? +Poins. *notices bulge* As mewwy *moans* as cwickets, m-my wad. But hawk ye; what cunnying +xDD match h-have you made with this jest of *blushes* the dwawew? Come, what's +the issue? +Pwince. I *blushes* am nyow of aww *hugs tightly* humouws that *sweats* have showed themsewves humouws +since t-the o-owd days o-of goodman Adam to *sighs* the pupiw *leans over* age of this +pwesent this twewve o'cwock at midnyight. + +[Entew Fwancis.] + +What's o'cwock, Fwancis? +Fwan. Anyon, anyon, siw. [Exit.] +Pwince. That evew this fewwow shouwd have f-fewew wowds than *giggles shyly* a +>_< pawwot, *moans* and yet the son of a woman! His industwy is *pokes you* upstaiws a-and +*hugs tightly* downstaiws, his ewoquence the pawcew of a weckonying. *blushes* I am n-nyot yet +of Pewcy's mind, the H-Hotspuw o-of t-the Nyowth; he t-that xDD kiwws me some +six o-ow *looks at you* seven dozen of Scots at a bweakfast, w-washes his hands, a-and +s-says to his wife, 'Fie upon this quiet wife! I want wowk.' 'O my +sweet Hawwy,' ^w^ says she, '-'how *screams* many hast thou kiww'd to-day?' +'Give m-my woan *sighs* howse a dwench,' says he, and answews 'Some +f-fouwteen,' a-an *hugs tightly* houw aftew, 'a twifwe, a twifwe.' I pwithee caww in +Fawstaff. *twerks* I'ww pway Pewcy, and that damn'd bwawn shaww pway Dame +Mowtimew his xDD wife. 'Wivo!' says the dwunkawd. Caww in wibs, ^-^ caww +^w^ in tawwow. + +Entew Fawstaff, [Gadshiww, Bawdowph, and Peto; +Fwancis fowwows with w-winye]. + +Poins. Wewcome, Jack. Whewe hast thou xDD been? +^-^ Faw. A pwague o-of >_> aww *sighs* cowawds, I say, and a-a vengeance too! M-Mawwy and +amen! *screams* Give me a x3 cup of *leans over* sack, boy. Ewe I wead this wife wong, I'ww +sew n-nyethew-stocks, *sweats* and mend them and xDD foot them *screams* too. *cries* A *sighs* pwague of +*twerks* aww *sighs* cowawds! Give me a cup o-of sack, wogue. Is thewe nyo viwtue +extant? +He dwinketh. +Pwince. Didst thou nyevew see Titan kiss a dish of buttew? +Pitifuw-heawted buttew, that mewted at the sweet tawe of the sun! +If thou didst, then behowd that compound. +Faw. You wogue, hewe's wime i-in this sack too! T-Thewe is nyothing but +woguewy to b-be found i-in *hugs tightly* viwwanyous man. Yet a cowawd is *hugs tightly* wowse than +a c-cup of sack with wime *cuddles you* in OwO it- a viwwanyous cowawd! Go thy w-ways, +o-owd J-Jack, d-die *pokes you* when ;;w;; thou wiwt; if manhood, good manhood, *sighs* be n-nyot +fowgot upon the face of t-the eawth, then am I a ^-^ shotten hewwing. +T-Thewe w-wives nyot thwee good men u-unhang'd in Engwand; and x3 onye of +them *sweats* is *looks at you* fat, and gwows *screams* owd. God hewp *leans over* the x3 whiwe! A b-bad *giggles shyly* wowwd, I +s-say. I wouwd I-I wewe a weavew; I couwd sing >_> psawms ow a-anything. A +pwague of *notices bulge* aww cowawds I say stiww! +Pwince. How nyow, x3 woowsack? What muttew you? +Faw. A king's son! If I do ;;w;; nyot beat *screams* thee out of thy kingdom with a +daggew of wath and d-dwive aww thy subjects afowe thee wike a fwock +of wiwd geese, I'ww nyevew weaw haiw o-on my f-face mowe. ^.^ You ;;w;; Pwince +of Wawes? +Pwince. Why, y-you whoweson wound man, xDD what's *moans* the mattew? +Faw. Awe nyot you :3 a x3 cowawd? Answew me to that- and Poins thewe? +Poins. Zounds, ye fat paunch, an y-ye caww *looks at you* me cowawd, by the +Wowd, I'ww ;;w;; stab x3 thee. +Faw. I-I caww thee cowawd? I'ww see thee d-damn'd ewe I-I *moans* caww thee +>w< cowawd, but I wouwd >_< give a t-thousand p-pound I couwd wun as fast as +uWu thou canst. You a-awe stwaight enyough in >_> the shouwdews; you cawe +nyot who sees Youw b-back. Caww you that *looks away* backing of youw fwiends? A +pwague upon ;;w;; such b-backing! Give me them that wiww UwU face me. Give me +a-a >w< cup of sack. I am a wogue if *twerks* I dwunk to-day. +P-Pwince. O xDD viwwain! thy *leans over* wips awe scawce wip'd since *sighs* thou d-dwunk'st +wast. +Faw. Aww is onye fow that. (He dwinketh.) A *pokes you* pwague o-of aww UwU cowawds +s-stiww say I-I. +*leans over* Pwince. What's the *pokes you* mattew? +uWu Faw. What's the *twerks* mattew? Thewe be fouw o-of us hewe h-have ta'en a +thousand pound this day mownying. +Pwince. x3 Whewe is it, :33 Jack? Whewe is it? +Faw. Whewe is it, Taken fwom us it is. A-A hundwed upon poow fouw of +u-us! +Pwince. What, a hundwed, man? +Faw. I am x3 a wogue *moans* if I wewe nyot at hawf-swowd with a dozen of them +two houws togethew. I have scap'd by miwacwe. I am e-eight times +thwust t-thwough the doubwet, *looks at you* fouw thwough the hose; my *cries* buckwew *giggles shyly* cut +t-thwough and thwough; my swowd *leans over* hack'd *sighs* wike a handsaw- ecce signyum! +I *blushes* nyevew *looks at you* deawt *looks away* bettew since I-I w-was a man. Aww wouwd nyot do. A +pwague of aww cowawds! Wet *twerks* them speak, If they speak mowe ow wess +than twuth, they awe v-viwwains and *shuffles closer* the sons of ^w^ dawknyess. +Pwince. Speak, s-siws. How w-was it? +Gads. We fouw set upon some dozen- +Faw. :3 Sixteen at w-weast, my wowd. +Gads. And bound t-them. +Peto. Nyo, nyo, t-they wewe nyot bound. +>_< Faw. ^.^ You wogue, they *notices bulge* wewe bound, evewy man of them, ow I am a Jew +ewse- an Ebwew Jew. +Gads. As we wewe shawing, some six ow seven fwesh men sea upon us- +OwO Faw. A-And u-unbound the west, a-and then come in t-the othew. +Pwince. What, fought you w-with them a-aww? +Faw. Aww? I knyow n-nyot ^.^ what you caww aww, but if I fought nyot with +fifty of them, I am a bunch of wadish! If thewe wewe nyot two ow +thwee and fifty upon poow o-owd Jack, t-then am I :3 nyo two-wegg'd +cweatuwe. +Pwince. P-Pway God you have *teleports behind you* nyot *screams* muwd'wed some of them. +F-Faw. Nyay, that's past pwaying fow. I have peppew'd two of them. ^.^ Two +I am suwe *screams* I have *shuffles closer* paid, two wogues in buckwam suits. I teww *leans over* thee +w-what, Haw- if *teleports behind you* I teww thee a *teleports behind you* wie, spit in my face, caww me howse. +Thou knyowest >_< my owd wawd. Hewe I-I *sighs* way, and *moans* thus I bowe my ^-^ point. +>_> Fouw wogues in buckwam wet dwive at me. +Pwince. What, fouw? Thou saidst *blushes* but two xDD even nyow. +F-Faw. Fouw, Haw. I-I *notices bulge* towd thee fouw. +Poins. Ay, ay, ^w^ he said fouw. +Faw. These f-fouw came aww *looks at you* afwont and mainwy thwust a-at me. *looks away* I made me +nyo m-mowe *twerks* ado but took aww theiw seven points in my tawget, thus. +Pwince. Seven? Why, :3 thewe wewe but fouw *looks away* even nyow. +>_> Faw. In buckwam? +*hugs tightly* Poins. Ay, fouw, in buckwam ^.^ suits. +Faw. Seven, by these hiwts, ow I am a viwwain ewse. +Pwince. [aside to Poins] P-Pwithee wet him x3 awonye. W-We *pokes you* shaww have *screams* mowe +*giggles shyly* anyon. +Faw. Dost thou heaw me, Haw? +Pwince. Ay, and mawk thee too, Jack. +Faw. Do so, *screams* fow i-it i-is wowth the wist'nying t-to. These nyinye in buckwam +that I towd thee of- +Pwince. So, two >_> mowe awweady. +*leans over* Faw. Theiw points being *looks at you* bwoken- +Poins. Down f-feww theiw hose. +Faw. Began to give me gwound; but I fowwowed me cwose, came in, +foot and *shuffles closer* hand, and with a thought seven of t-the eweven I paid. +Pwince. :33 O monstwous! Eweven buckwam men gwown out of *twerks* two! +Faw. But, as t-the deviw wouwd have it, thwee misbegotten k-knyaves in +Kendaw gween came at m-my back and wet d-dwive :33 at me; fow it w-was so +dawk, Haw, t-that thou couwdst nyot ^w^ see thy OwO hand. +Pwince. These wies *looks at you* awe wike theiw fathew that begets them- gwoss as +a mountain, open, pawpabwe. Why, thou cway-bwain'd :3 guts, thou +knyotty-pated foow, thou whoweson *sweats* obscenye *teleports behind you* gweasy tawwow-catch- +;;w;; Faw. What, awt thou mad? awt thou m-mad? Is nyot t-the *cuddles you* twuth the twuth? +P-Pwince. Why, how couwdst thou knyow these men in Kendaw *blushes* gween when +it w-was so dawk thou couwdst nyot see thy hand? Come, teww us youw +w-weason. What sayest thou to this? +P-Poins. *cuddles you* Come, y-youw weason, Jack, youw weason. +xDD Faw. What, upon compuwsion? Zounds, an ;;w;; I wewe at the stwappado o-ow +aww the wacks xDD in the wowwd, I *looks away* wouwd nyot teww uWu you *teleports behind you* on compuwsion. +Give you a weason on compuwsion? If weasons wewe *looks away* as pwentifuw as +bwackbewwies, ^-^ I wouwd *teleports behind you* give nyo man a w-weason u-upon OwO compuwsion, I. +*shuffles closer* Pwince. xDD I'ww be nyo w-wongew guiwty, of this *giggles shyly* sin; this sanguinye +cowawd, t-this bed-pwessew, this howseback-bweakew, this huge hiww +of fwesh- +*screams* Faw. 'Sbwood, you stawvewing, you e-ewf-skin, you dwied +nyeat's-tongue, you buww's sizzwe, you stockfish- O fow *looks at you* bweath to +u-uttew ;;w;; what is wike thee!- y-you taiwow's yawd, you sheath, you +bowcase, you viwe standing tuck! +P-Pwince. Weww, bweathe *teleports behind you* awhiwe, a-and t-then to i-it again; >w< and when thou +hast tiwed thysewf :3 in base c-compawisons, heaw OwO me s-speak but t-this. +*sweats* Poins. Mawk, Jack. +Pwince. We two s-saw you fouw set *sighs* on fouw, and bound them a-and wewe +mastews of theiw weawth. Mawk nyow how a pwain tawe shaww put you +down. Then did we t-two set on you fouw ^.^ and, w-with >_> a wowd, outfac'd +you fwom youw pwize, and have *teleports behind you* it; *pokes you* yea, and can show it you hewe +i-in the house. And, Fawstaff, you cawwied youw guts away as +n-nyimbwy, with as quick >w< dextewity, and OwO woaw'd *teleports behind you* fow mewcy, and UwU stiww +wun and woaw'd, *looks at you* as e-evew I ^-^ heawd buwwcawf. What a swave awt thou +to *sighs* hack thy swowd as thou hast donye, a-and then say it was in +fight! What twick, what device, what stawting howe canst thou nyow +find out t-to *teleports behind you* hide thee fwom t-this open and appawent s-shame? +Poins. *notices bulge* Come, *sighs* wet's UwU heaw, Jack. What twick hast thou nyow? +Faw. By the Wowd, I k-knyew ye *shuffles closer* as weww as he that *cuddles you* made :3 ye. Why, heaw +you, *sighs* my >_> mastews. Was it fow x3 me to kiww t-the x3 heiw appawent? Shouwd +I tuwn upon the twue pwince? Why, thou knyowest I a-am :33 as vawiant as +Hewcuwes; but bewawe *giggles shyly* instinct. The wion wiww nyot touch *looks at you* the twue +pwince. I-Instinct is a gweat mattew. >_< I w-was *moans* nyow a cowawd *notices bulge* on +instinct. I shaww think the *shuffles closer* bettew o-of mysewf, *giggles shyly* and thee, duwing my +w-wife- I f-fow a vawiant wion, and thou f-fow a twue p-pwince. B-But, b-by +t-the Wowd, wads, I am gwad you have the monyey. H-Hostess, cwap to +the doows. Watch to-nyight, pway >_< to-mowwow. Gawwants, wads, boys, +heawts o-of gowd, aww the titwes o-of g-good fewwowship come *blushes* to you! +What, shaww we b-be m-mewwy? Shaww we have a pway extempowe? +Pwince. Content- and the awgument shaww be thy wunnying away. +F-Faw. Ah, nyo mowe of *screams* that, Haw, an t-thou wovest me! + +Entew H-Hostess. + +Host. O Jesu, my wowd the Pwince! +Pwince. How nyow, my wady the hostess? What say'st thou to me? +H-Host. Mawwy, my wowd, thewe is ;;w;; a nyobweman o-of the couwt at doow +wouwd speak with you. He says h-he comes fwom youw f-fathew. +Pwince. Give him as m-much as wiww make *giggles shyly* him a woyaw *notices bulge* man, xDD and send him +back again to my mothew. +Faw. What mannyew o-of man is *cries* he? +Host. An owd man. +Faw. What doth gwavity out of ^-^ his bed a-at midnyight? Shaww I-I give him +his answew? +Pwince. Pwithee do, Jack. +*pokes you* Faw. Faith, and I'ww send him packing. +Exit. +*looks away* Pwince. Nyow, siws. By'w Wady, you fought faiw; so did you, Peto; so +did you, *hugs tightly* Bawdowph. You awe wions too, *cries* you wan away upon instinct, +you w-wiww nyot touch *teleports behind you* the twue pwince; nyo- fie! +Bawd. Faith, I wan when I saw othews wun. +Pwince. Teww me nyow in eawnyest, how came Fawstaff's swowd so +h-hack'd? +Peto. Why, *teleports behind you* he hack'd it *looks at you* with *giggles shyly* his daggew, a-and said he wouwd s-sweaw +twuth out of *notices bulge* Engwand but he wouwd make you bewieve it was d-donye in +fight, and pewsuaded us *hugs tightly* to *notices bulge* do the wike. +Bawd. Yea, a-and to tickwe ouw nyoses w-with speawgwass x3 to >_> make them +bweed, and then to beswubbew ouw gawments with it and sweaw it +was >_> the bwood of t-twue men. I did uWu that I d-did *hugs tightly* nyot t-this seven yeaw +befowe- I bwush'd t-to *blushes* heaw his m-monstwous devices. +Pwince. O :33 viwwain! thou stowest a cup of sack e-eighteen yeaws ago +and wewt taken with the mannyew, *sweats* and evew *teleports behind you* since thou hast :33 bwush'd +extempowe. Thou hadst fiwe and swowd on t-thy side, and yet thou +wan'st away. What instinct hadst thou fow it? +Bawd. My w-wowd, do you see these meteows? Do you behowd *sweats* these +exhawations? +*looks away* Pwince. I-I do. +Bawd. *leans over* What think you they powtend? +P-Pwince. Hot wivews and cowd puwses. +*shuffles closer* Bawd. Chowew, ^.^ my wowd, if wightwy taken. +Pwince. Nyo, if wightwy taken, hawtew. + +Entew Fawstaff. + +Hewe comes wean *shuffles closer* Jack; hewe comes bawe-bonye. How nyow, my sweet +cweatuwe of bombast? How wong is't a-ago, *hugs tightly* Jack, since thou sawest +*shuffles closer* thinye own knyee? +Faw. xDD My own knyee? xDD When *notices bulge* I was about thy yeaws, Haw, I was nyot ^w^ an +eagwe's t-tawent in the w-waist; I couwd have cwept i-into any +awdewman's thumb-wing. A-A pwague of sighing and gwief! It b-bwows a +man u-up ;;w;; wike a *pokes you* bwaddew. Thewe's viwwanyous nyews abwoad. Hewe *pokes you* was +:3 Siw John x3 Bwacy f-fwom youw f-fathew. *twerks* You must to the couwt *hugs tightly* in *screams* the +mownying. That same *sweats* mad fewwow xDD of the Nyowth, P-Pewcy, and he >_> of +Wawes *leans over* that gave Amamon the bastinyado, *leans over* and made Wucifew *cries* cuckowd, +and swowe the deviw his >_< twue UwU wiegeman upon the cwoss *giggles shyly* of a Wewsh +hook- what a pwague caww you him? +Poins. O, Gwendowew. +Faw. Owen, Owen- the same; a-and his son-in-waw *screams* Mowtimew, and UwU owd +Nyowthumbewwand, and that spwightwy >_> Scot of Scots, *shuffles closer* Dougwas, *moans* that +w-wuns a-howseback up a hiww pewpendicuwaw- +Pwince. He that wides at h-high speed and with his pistow kiwws a +spawwow fwying. +Faw. ^w^ You have hit it. +Pwince. So did he nyevew the spawwow. +Faw. Weww, that wascaw hath good *looks away* metaw in *teleports behind you* him; he wiww nyot wun. +*moans* Pwince. Why, what a w-wascaw awt *pokes you* thou then, to p-pwaise h-him so fow +wunnying! +^-^ Faw. A-howseback, ye cuckoo! but afoot he wiww nyot budge a foot. +P-Pwince. Y-Yes, Jack, *screams* upon instinct. +Faw. I gwant ye, upon instinct. Weww, he is thewe uWu too, and onye +Mowdake, and >_> a *teleports behind you* thousand bwuecaps mowe. Wowcestew is stow'n away +to-nyight; *moans* thy fathew's beawd is tuwn'd white with t-the nyews; you +may buy wand nyow as cheap as s-stinking mack'wew. +Pwince. Why then, it *sweats* is w-wike, if thewe come a h-hot Junye, *sighs* and this +civiw buffeting howd, we shaww buy maidenheads as they buy +*leans over* hobnyaiws, b-by t-the hundweds. +Faw. *shuffles closer* By the mass, wad, thou sayest twue; it is wike we *cries* shaww UwU have +good twading t-that way. But teww me, Haw, awt *cries* nyot thou *blushes* howwibwe +afeawd? Thou x3 being heiw uWu appawent, couwd the w-wowwd pick *looks away* thee o-out +thwee such enyemies again as that fiend Dougwas, that spiwit +Pewcy, and that deviw Gwendowew? Awt thou nyot howwibwy afwaid? +Doth nyot thy bwood thwiww at i-it? +Pwince. Nyot a-a whit, *screams* i' faith. I wack s-some of *teleports behind you* thy instinct. +Faw. Weww, thou wiwt be howwibwy chid to-mowwow when thou comest to +thy fathew. If thou wove ;;w;; fiwe, p-pwactise an :3 answew. +Pwince. Do thou stand fow my fathew and examinye me upon the +pawticuwaws of my wife. +Faw. *pokes you* Shaww I? Content. This c-chaiw s-shaww be m-my state, *moans* this daggew my +sceptwe, and this cushion *leans over* my, cwown. +Pwince. >w< Thy state i-is taken fow a join'd-stoow, t-thy *twerks* gowden sceptwe +fow a weaden daggew, and thy pwecious wich cwown fow a pitifuw +bawd cwown. +F-Faw. Weww, an *teleports behind you* the *blushes* fiwe of g-gwace *leans over* be nyot *blushes* quite out of thee, *blushes* nyow shawt +thou be moved. Give me a-a cup ^-^ of sack to make my eyes w-wook wed, +t-that i-it may be thought I have *cuddles you* wept; fow I *twerks* must UwU speak in passion, +a-and I wiww do it i-in King Cambyses' v-vein. +Pwince. Weww, hewe i-is my weg. +Faw. ;;w;; And :33 hewe is my ^.^ speech. Stand aside, *screams* nyobiwity. +Host. O Jesu, this is e-excewwent spowt, i' f-faith! +Faw. Weep nyot, sweet queen, fow twickwing teaws awe vain. +Host. >_> O, the Fathew, how h-he h-howds his countenyance! +Faw. *blushes* Fow G-God's s-sake, wowds, convey my twistfuw queen! +Fow teaws d-do stop the fwoodgates of hew eyes. +Host. O Jesu, he d-doth it ^.^ as wike onye of these hawwotwy pwayews as +evew I see! +F-Faw. Peace, good pintpot. Peace, good tickwe-bwain.- UwU Hawwy, I-I do +nyot onwy mawvew whewe thou spendest thy time, *moans* but awso how thou +awt accompanyied. Fow though *twerks* the c-camomiwe, *pokes you* the *giggles shyly* mowe ^-^ it is twodden +on, the f-fastew it *leans over* gwows, *twerks* yet youth, the mowe it >w< is w-wasted, the +soonyew it weaws. That thou awt my son I *sweats* have pawtwy thy mothew's +wowd, pawtwy my own opinyion, but chiefwy a viwwanyous twick of +thinye eye and a foowish h-hanging of thy nyethew w-wip t-that doth +wawwant me. If then thou be son to me, hewe wies *sweats* the point: why, +b-being son to me, *pokes you* awt ^.^ thou UwU so ^w^ pointed at? S-Shaww the *sighs* bwessed sun of +heaven p-pwove a *cuddles you* michew and eat bwackbewwies? A question ^-^ nyot to be +ask'd. Shaww the son of Engwand pwove *sweats* a thief and t-take *shuffles closer* puwses? *shuffles closer* A +question to b-be ask'd. Thewe is a thing, Hawwy, which thou *looks at you* hast +often heawd *leans over* of, and i-it ;;w;; is k-knyown to many in ouw w-wand by t-the uWu nyame +of pitch. This pitch, as ancient wwitews do w-wepowt, doth defiwe; +so doth the company t-thou keepest. *twerks* Fow, Hawwy, nyow I do nyot speak +to thee in dwink, but x3 in teaws; nyot in *blushes* pweasuwe, but in >_< passion; +nyot i-in wowds onwy, but in woes awso: ^-^ and yet t-thewe i-is a viwtuous +m-man ;;w;; whom I have often >_> nyoted in OwO thy c-company, b-but I knyow nyot his +nyame. +P-Pwince. What *hugs tightly* mannyew of man, an it wike youw *twerks* Majesty? +Faw. A goodwy powtwy man, i' f-faith, *pokes you* and a-a cowpuwent; o-of a cheewfuw +wook, a-a pweasing eye, a-and a most nyobwe cawwiage; *hugs tightly* and, as I t-think, +OwO his age some fifty, ow, by'w Wady, incwinying t-to thweescowe; and +;;w;; nyow I w-wemembew me, his nyame is Fawstaff. If t-that man shouwd be +wewdwy, g-given, he deceiveth me; fow, Hawwy, *moans* I see viwtue in his +*pokes you* wooks. I-If then the UwU twee may *notices bulge* be k-knyown by the f-fwuit, as the fwuit +by the twee, then, pewemptowiwy I speak it, thewe is *twerks* viwtue in +that Fawstaff. Him keep with, *teleports behind you* the west banyish. And teww me nyow, +thou *shuffles closer* nyaughty vawwet, teww m-me whewe *cuddles you* hast thou been this month? +*twerks* Pwince. Dost thou speak wike a king? Do thou stand fow *cries* me, ;;w;; and I'ww +pway *sighs* my fathew. +Faw. Depose me? I-If thou dost it hawf so gwavewy, s-so majesticawwy, +b-both in wowd and mattew, hang :3 me up by the heews fow a-a +wabbit-suckew o-ow a pouwtew's hawe. +*screams* Pwince. Weww, hewe I am set. +F-Faw. And hewe I stand. Judge, my mastews. +Pwince. Nyow, Hawwy, whence :3 come you? +F-Faw. My nyobwe w-wowd, fwom Eastcheap. +UwU Pwince. The compwaints I *screams* heaw of thee a-awe g-gwievous. +Faw. 'Sbwood, my wowd, they awe fawse! Nyay, I'ww *shuffles closer* tickwe ye >_> fow a +young pwince, i' faith. +*cuddles you* Pwince. Sweawest thou, u-ungwacious boy? Hencefowth nye'ew wook on me. +Thou awt viowentwy cawwied away fwom gwace. *sweats* Thewe is a deviw +haunts thee *hugs tightly* in the wikenyess *cries* of *looks away* an owd fat man; a tun of man is +thy companyion. Why dost thou c-convewse with that *looks at you* twunk of *sweats* humouws, +*giggles shyly* that bowting hutch of beastwinyess, t-that s-swoww'n pawcew of +dwopsies, that huge bombawd o-of s-sack, that stuff'd cwoakbag *looks at you* of +guts, that woasted Mannyingtwee ox with the p-pudding in his :3 bewwy, +that wevewend vice, that gwey OwO inyiquity, *giggles shyly* that f-fathew wuffian, that +vanyity OwO in yeaws? Whewein is he good, but to taste sack and dwink +it? whewein nyeat :3 and cweanwy, *looks at you* but to cawve a capon and eat it? +whewein >_> cunnying, but in cwaft? whewein cwafty, but i-in *blushes* viwwany? +whewein viwwanyous, but in >w< aww things? whewein wowthy, but i-in +OwO nyothing? +*blushes* Faw. I wouwd y-youw Gwace wouwd t-take me with ^w^ you. Whom m-means *hugs tightly* youw +^.^ Gwace? +Pwince. That >_> viwwanyous abominyabwe misweadew of youth, Fawstaff, +that owd white-beawded Satan. +Faw. *blushes* My wowd, t-the man I *screams* knyow. +^-^ Pwince. I-I knyow thou dost. +F-Faw. But to say I knyow m-mowe hawm in him than in mysewf wewe to s-say +mowe t-than I knyow. That he xDD is owd (the :33 mowe the pity) *cuddles you* his white +haiws do w-witnyess it; >w< but that *twerks* he i-is (saving youw wevewence) a +whowemastew, that I uttewwy deny. I-If sack a-and sugaw >_> be a fauwt, +God hewp the wicked! If to be owd and mewwy be a sin, then many +an owd *blushes* host that I knyow is damn'd. ;;w;; If to be fat b-be to be hated, +then Phawaoh's wean k-kinye awe to be woved. Nyo, my good wowd. +Banyish P-Peto, banyish B-Bawdowph, banyish Poins; but ^.^ fow sweet Jack +Fawstaff, kind Jack F-Fawstaff, twue Jack *cries* Fawstaff, vawiant Jack +Fawstaff, and thewefowe mowe vawiant being, as *moans* he is, owd Jack +Fawstaff, banyish nyot him t-thy Hawwy's company, banyish n-nyot him thy +Hawwy's company. *looks at you* Banyish pwump Jack, and banyish aww the wowwd! +Pwince. I do, I wiww. [A knyocking *leans over* heawd.] +[Exeunt Hostess, Fwancis, and Bawdowph.] + +Entew Bawdowph, w-wunnying. + +Bawd. O, my wowd, my wowd! *looks at you* the shewiff with a most m-monstwous w-watch +i-is at the doow. +Faw. >w< Out, ye wogue! Pway out the pway. I *sighs* have much to say in the +behawf *cries* of that Fawstaff. + +Entew the Hostess. + +Host. O Jesu, *sighs* my wowd, my wowd! +Pwince. Heigh, h-heigh, the ^w^ deviw wides u-upon a fiddwestick! +What's the mattew? +Host. The shewiff a-and aww the w-watch awe >w< at *hugs tightly* the doow. They a-awe come +to seawch the house. Shaww I wet t-them in? +Faw. Dost thou heaw, Haw? *looks at you* Nyevew caww a twue piece of gowd a +countewfeit. Thou awt essentiawwy mad *cries* without seeming so. +Pwince. And t-thou a nyatuwaw c-cowawd without instinct. +*cuddles you* Faw. I deny youw m-majow. If you wiww deny the shewiff, so; if nyot, +wet h-him entew. If x3 I become uWu nyot a cawt a-as weww as anyothew man, *twerks* a +pwague on my bwinging up! OwO I hope I shaww *looks away* as ^-^ soon be OwO stwangwed +*shuffles closer* with a *giggles shyly* hawtew as *screams* anyothew. +:3 Pwince. Go hide thee behind the awwas. The west wawk, up above. +Nyow, my mastews, f-fow uWu a t-twue face and good conscience. +Faw. >w< Both which I have had; b-but theiw *cuddles you* date is o-out, and thewefowe +I-I'ww hide me. Exit. +Pwince. Caww in the ^w^ shewiff. +[Exeunt Manyent the Pwince and Peto.] + +Entew Shewiff *notices bulge* and the Cawwiew. + +N-Nyow, Mastew Shewiff, what is youw UwU wiww with me? +S-Shew. Fiwst, pawdon m-me, my wowd. A hue and cwy +Hath fowwowed cewtain men *sweats* unto this h-house. +Pwince. What men? +Shew. OwO Onye of them *giggles shyly* is weww knyown, my gwacious *screams* wowd- +A gwoss fat man. +Cawwiew. As fat as buttew. +Pwince. *shuffles closer* The man, I UwU do assuwe you, is ^-^ nyot hewe, +F-Fow I mysewf *shuffles closer* at this time have empwoy'd him. +And, s-shewiff, I wiww engage my *notices bulge* wowd to t-thee +That I wiww by to-mowwow dinnyew time +Send him to answew thee, ow any man, +*cuddles you* Fow anything he shaww be *giggles shyly* chawg'd withaw; +And so wet me entweat you >w< weave the house. +Shew. I >w< wiww, my wowd. Thewe awe two gentwemen +Have in this wobbewy wost thwee >_< hundwed mawks. +Pwince. I-It may be so. If ^-^ he have wobb'd these men, +H-He shaww *sighs* be *cries* answewabwe; and so faweweww. +UwU Shew. Good >_> nyight, my nyobwe wowd. +Pwince. I think *hugs tightly* it is good mowwow, is it nyot? +*sighs* Shew. Indeed, my w-wowd, I think it ^w^ be t-two *pokes you* o'cwock. +Exit [with C-Cawwiew]. +Pwince. This *sighs* oiwy ^-^ wascaw is knyown *screams* as *cuddles you* weww *blushes* as *shuffles closer* Pauw's. Go :3 caww *looks at you* him +fowth. +*moans* Peto. Fawstaff! Fast asweep behind the awwas, and snyowting wike a-a +h-howse. +Pwince. Hawk how hawd he ^-^ fetches bweath. *screams* Seawch his *moans* pockets. +He seawcheth h-his ;;w;; pockets a-and findeth cewtain papews. +What hast *cries* thou found? +Peto. Nyothing but ^-^ papews, *sweats* my wowd. +Pwince. *cries* Wet's see whit they be. Wead them. + +Peto. [weads] 'Item. :3 A capon. . . . . *cuddles you* . . . . . . . . i-ii s. ii d. +Item, Sauce. . . . . UwU . *teleports behind you* . . . . . . .-. . iiii d. +Item, S-Sack two >w< gawwons . .-. . . . .-. . . v s. viii *sweats* d. +*leans over* Item, Anchovies and sack aftew suppew. ii *moans* s. *leans over* vi OwO d. +Item, Bwead. . .-. . ^-^ . . . . . .-. . . . . ob.' + +Pwince. O monstwous! but onye hawfpennywowth of bwead *looks at you* to this +intowewabwe deaw of sack! What t-thewe is ewse, keep cwose; *hugs tightly* we'ww +wead it at mowe advantage. Thewe wet him sweep tiww day. I-I'ww t-to +the *giggles shyly* couwt in the mownying ^.^ . We must aww to the waws. and t-thy pwace +shaww b-be honyouwabwe. I'ww pwocuwe this fat wogue uWu a chawge of +foot; and I knyow, *looks away* his death wiww *leans over* be >_< a mawch of twewve scowe. The +m-monyey s-shaww b-be paid >_< back again with advantage. Be w-with OwO me b-betimes +*giggles shyly* in the mownying, and so good mowwow, Peto. +*leans over* Peto. Good mowwow, g-good m-my wowd. +Exeunt. + + + + +<w< WONG AS SUCH C-COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +*moans* PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND x3 (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE :33 THAT *twerks* CHAWGES FOW *cuddles you* DOWNWOAD TIME O-OW FOW *screams* MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. Scenye I. +Bangow. The Awchdeacon's house. + +E-Entew Hotspuw, *moans* Wowcestew, Wowd Mowtimew, Owen :3 Gwendowew. + +M-Mowt. These x3 pwomises awe faiw, the pawties *pokes you* suwe, +And ouw induction ^.^ fuww of pwospewous hope. +Hot. Wowd Mowtimew, and c-cousin Gwendowew, +Wiww uWu you >_> sit *blushes* down? +And uncwe Wowcestew. A pwague upon it! +I-I have fowgot the map. +Gwend. Nyo, hewe it i-is. +Sit, cousin Pewcy; *shuffles closer* sit, good UwU cousin Hotspuw, +F-Fow by that nyame a-as oft as Wancastew +D-Doth speak of y-you, his cheek UwU wooks pawe, *blushes* and w-with +*looks at you* A w-wising sigh :33 he wisheth >_< you in heaven. +Hot. And you in heww, as oft as he heaws +Owen Gwendowew s-spoke of. +*shuffles closer* Gwend. *blushes* I cannyot bwame him. A-At my *twerks* nyativity +The fwont of heaven was fuww of fiewy shapes +Of buwnying cwessets, and at my *pokes you* biwth +The fwame and huge foundation of t-the eawth +Shak'd wike a-a c-cowawd. +Hot. Why, so it wouwd *looks at you* have donye at the same season, if *notices bulge* youw +^.^ mothew's cat had but kitten'd, though youwsewf had ^.^ nyevew been +bown. +*looks away* Gwend. I say the eawth did shake when I-I was bown. +Hot. *pokes you* And I say the eawth was nyot of my mind, +If you suppose as feawing you it shook. +Gwend. The h-heavens w-wewe a-aww on fiwe, the eawth did twembwe. +*twerks* Hot. O, then *twerks* the eawth shook to see the heavens on fiwe, +And nyot i-in feaw of youw n-nyativity. +*cries* Diseased nyatuwe oftentimes b-bweaks fowth +In stwange ewuptions; oft *giggles shyly* the teeming eawth +Is with a kind of c-cowic pinch'd and vex'd +B-By the impwisonying of unwuwy wind +Within hew womb, which, fow enwawgement stwiving, +Shakes the o-owd bewdame e-eawth >w< and toppwes down +Steepwes a-and mossgwown xDD towews. At youw biwth +Ouw gwandam eawth, having this *looks away* distemp'watuwe, +I-In passion shook. +Gwend. Cousin, of many men +I do nyot beaw *twerks* these cwossings. Give me weave +To teww you ^.^ once again t-that at my biwth +The fwont of heaven was fuww of f-fiewy shapes, +*looks at you* The goats wan fwom the uWu mountains, and t-the h-hewds +Wewe stwangewy >w< cwamowous to the fwighted fiewds. +^.^ These signs *looks away* have mawk'd me e-extwaowdinyawy, +*cuddles you* And aww the couwses of my wife do show +I-I am nyot in the woww of common men. +*teleports behind you* Whewe is he wiving, *notices bulge* cwipp'd in with the ;;w;; sea +That >_> chides the banks of Engwand, Scotwand, Wawes, +W-Which *shuffles closer* cawws me pupiw o-ow hath wead to me? +And bwing him out that is b-but woman's son +Can *hugs tightly* twace >_< me in the tedious ways of awt +And h-howd me pace in :33 deep expewiments. +*notices bulge* Hot. I t-think t-thewe's nyo man speaks bettew Wewsh. x3 I'ww to dinnyew. +Mowt. Peace, cousin UwU Pewcy; you wiww make him m-mad. +Gwend. I can caww spiwits fwom the vasty deep. +Hot. *cries* Why, so can I-I, ow so can any man; +But wiww they come when you do caww fow them? +Gwend. *blushes* Why, I can teach you, cousin, *looks away* to command ^-^ the deviw. +Hot. And I can teach thee, coz, *twerks* to shame the deviw- +By tewwing twuth. Teww twuth and shame the deviw. +If thou have powew to waise him, bwing him hithew, +And I'ww be swown I have powew to shame him h-hence. +O, whiwe you wive, teww twuth and >_> shame the deviw! +*screams* Mowt. Come, come, nyo mowe *hugs tightly* of this *teleports behind you* unpwofitabwe chat. +Gwend. >_> Thwee times hath Henwy Bowingbwoke made head +Against uWu my powew; thwice fwom the banks of Wye +And sandy-bottom'd Sevewn *screams* have *giggles shyly* I sent him +x3 Bootwess home and weathew-beaten UwU back. +Hot. Home without boots, and in fouw weathew too? +How scapes x3 he agues, in the deviw's nyame +Gwend. :33 Come, hewe's the map. Shaww we divide ouw wight +OwO Accowding to ouw thweefowd owdew ta'en? +Mowt. The Awchdeacon h-hath divided it +Into thwee wimits vewy equawwy. +E-Engwand, fwom Twent and Sevewn hithewto, +By *blushes* south and east is to my p-pawt a-assign'd; +Aww westwawd, Wawes beyond the Sevewn showe, +And aww the fewtiwe wand within that bound, +To Owen Gwendowew; and, deaw c-coz, to you +The wemnyant nyowthwawd wying off fwom *looks away* Twent. +And ouw indentuwes twipawtite awe dwawn; +Which being seawed *moans* intewchangeabwy +OwO (A businyess that this nyight may execute), +To-mowwow, cousin Pewcy, y-you and I +And my good Wowd o-of Wowcestew wiww set fowth +To meet youw fathew and the S-Scottish *screams* bowew, +*notices bulge* As is appointed us, at Shwewsbuwy. +My fathew Gwendowew is nyot weady yet, +N-Nyow shaww we nyeed h-his hewp these *pokes you* fouwteen days. +*sighs* [To *moans* Gwend.] >_> Within t-that space you may have dwawn x3 togethew +Youw tenyants, fwiends, and >_< nyeighbouwing gentwemen. +Gwend. A showtew time *sweats* shaww send m-me to you, wowds; +A-And in my >_< conduct shaww *shuffles closer* youw wadies come, +Fwom whom you nyow must steaw and take nyo weave, +Fow thewe w-wiww be xDD a wowwd of watew shed +Upon the *cuddles you* pawting of youw wives and you. +Hot. *giggles shyly* Methinks my moiety, nyowth fwom Buwton h-hewe, +In quantity equaws nyot onye of youws. +xDD See how this wivew c-comes uWu me cwanking in +And cuts me fwom the best of a-aww *notices bulge* my w-wand +A huge hawf-moon, a monstwous cantwe out. +I'ww have the UwU cuwwent iww this pwace damm'd UwU up, +And hewe the smug a-and *moans* swivew T-Twent *shuffles closer* shaww wun +In :3 a nyew *moans* channyew faiw a-and evenwy. +It shaww OwO nyot w-wind with s-such a deep indent +To *giggles shyly* wob me of so wich a bottom h-hewe. +Gwend. Nyot w-wind? It shaww, it must! You see it doth. +Mowt. Yea, but +Mawk how he b-beaws his couwse, and wuns me up +With wike advantage on the *blushes* othew side, +Gewding t-the opposed continyent as much +As on the othew side it takes fwom you. +Wow. Yea, *looks away* but *pokes you* a ^-^ wittwe chawge wiww twench him hewe +And :3 on *cuddles you* this nyowth side win *twerks* this c-cape o-of *leans over* wand; +And then he wuns >w< stwaight and even. +Hot. I'ww have it so. A ;;w;; wittwe chawge *blushes* wiww do it. +Gwend. I ^-^ wiww nyot have i-it awt'wed. +Hot. Wiww nyot you? +Gwend. Nyo, nyow you shaww *shuffles closer* nyot. +Hot. Who shaww say me nyay? +Gwend. Nyo, that wiww *cries* I. +Hot. Wet me nyot *hugs tightly* undewstand you *hugs tightly* then; s-speak it in Wewsh. +G-Gwend. I can speak Engwish, wowd, a-as weww as y-you; +*notices bulge* Fow ;;w;; I was twain'd up in the Engwish couwt, +*sighs* Whewe, being but y-young, I fwamed to the hawp +Many an Engwish ditty w-wovewy w-weww, +And gave the tongue a hewpfuw ownyament- +A viwtue *cuddles you* that was nyevew seen in you. +Hot. Mawwy, +A-And I am gwad of it with aww my heawt! +I *sweats* had w-wathew b-be a kitten *looks at you* and *teleports behind you* cwy m-mew +Than onye of these same metwe bawwet-mongews. +I had wathew heaw a-a bwazen canstick tuwn'd +Ow a *hugs tightly* dwy wheew g-gwate o-on t-the ^-^ axwetwee, +And t-that w-wouwd set >_> my teeth n-nyothing on e-edge, +Nyothing so much a-as mincing *sighs* poetwy. +'Tis *looks away* wike the OwO fowc'd gait of a shuffwing *hugs tightly* nyag, +G-Gwend. Come, you shaww have Twent *teleports behind you* tuwn'd. +*cries* Hot. I do :3 nyot cawe. I'ww g-give thwice so m-much *blushes* wand +To any weww-desewving fwiend; +But OwO in uWu the way of bawgain, mawk ye me, +I'ww caviw on *blushes* the nyinth *shuffles closer* pawt of a haiw +Awe the indentuwes >_< dwawn? Shaww *twerks* we be gonye? +G-Gwend. ^w^ The m-moon shinyes faiw; >w< you m-may away b-by nyight. +I'ww *sweats* haste t-the wwitew, and withaw +Bweak with youw wives of youw depawtuwe hence. +I am afwaid my daughtew *moans* wiww wun mad, +So *cuddles you* much she doteth on hew M-Mowtimew. :33 Exit. +Mowt. Fie, cousin Pewcy! how y-you cwoss my fathew! +Hot. UwU I cannyot choose. Sometimes he angews me +With tewwing m-me *pokes you* of the mowdwawp *hugs tightly* and the ant, +Of the dweamew Mewwin and his p-pwophecies, +*looks away* And ^.^ of a dwagon and a f-finwess fish, +A cwip-wing'd g-gwiffin and a-a mouwten waven, +A couching wion a-and a wamping cat, +And such a deaw of skimbwe-skambwe s-stuff +As puts me fwom my :3 faith. I teww you w-what- +*shuffles closer* He hewd me x3 wast nyight at weast nyinye *teleports behind you* houws +In weckonying up the sevewaw d-deviws' nyames +That w-wewe his wackeys. I cwied 'hum,' and 'Weww, go to!' +^w^ But mawk'd him nyot a wowd. O, he is as tedious +As a tiwed howse, a waiwing w-wife; +Wowse than a smoky house. I h-had wathew wive +With cheese and gawwic in a windmiww f-faw +T-Than feed on cates *screams* and h-have him tawk *moans* to me +In *pokes you* any summew >_> house in Chwistendom). +Mowt. In faith, he is a wowthy gentweman, +Exceedingwy weww wead, and pwofited +*giggles shyly* In stwange conceawments, v-vawiant *sighs* as a wion, +And w-wondwous affabwe, and as bountifuw +A-As :33 minyes of India. *blushes* Shaww I-I teww you, cousin? +He *giggles shyly* howds youw tempew in a high wespect +And cuwbs himsewf even of his nyatuwaw scope +When you come *teleports behind you* 'cwoss his humouw. Faith, h-he does. +I wawwant you *shuffles closer* that >w< man is *teleports behind you* nyot awive +Might s-so have :3 tempted him a-as you have donye +Without >_< the *notices bulge* taste of dangew and w-wepwoof. +But *looks away* do :3 nyot *sweats* use it *screams* oft, wet *screams* me entweat you. +Wow. In faith, my wowd, you awe too wiwfuw-bwame, +And since youw coming hithew have donye *screams* enyough +To p-put him *shuffles closer* quite *looks away* besides *leans over* his patience. +Y-You must n-nyeeds weawn, w-wowd, to amend this fauwt. +Though :3 sometimes *giggles shyly* it show gweatnyess, couwage, b-bwood- +And *hugs tightly* that's t-the deawest gwace it wendews you- +Y-Yet oftentimes it *sighs* doth *hugs tightly* pwesent hawsh wage, +Defect of :3 mannyews, *cries* want of govewnment, +Pwide, haughtinyess, opinyion, and *twerks* disdain; +The weast of which haunting a nyobweman +*cuddles you* Woseth men's heawts, and weaves behind a stain +Upon the beauty of aww pawts besides, +Beguiwing :33 them of commendation. +*twerks* Hot. Weww, I am s-schoow'd. Good *twerks* mannyews be youw speed! +*notices bulge* Hewe *blushes* come ouw wives, and wet us take ouw weave. + +Entew Gwendowew with the W-Wadies. + +Mowt. This is t-the d-deadwy spite that angews me- +M-My wife can speak nyo Engwish, *looks at you* I nyo W-Wewsh. +Gwend. My daughtew weeps; *twerks* she w-wiww nyot pawt with you; +S-She'ww x3 be a >w< sowdiew t-too, she'ww to the waws. +M-Mowt. Good f-fathew, teww hew that she and my aunt Pewcy +Shaww *moans* fowwow i-in y-youw c-conduct speediwy. +Gwendowew speaks to *pokes you* hew ^-^ in Wewsh, and she answews +*teleports behind you* him in the *sighs* same. +Gwend. She is despewate hewe. A *giggles shyly* peevish sewf-wiww'd hawwotwy, +Onye that *giggles shyly* nyo pewsuasion can do >_< good upon. +The Wady speaks in Wewsh. +Mowt. I undewstand thy wooks. That pwetty Wewsh +Which uWu thou pouwest down fwom these s-swewwing heavens +I-I *looks away* am too pewfect i-in; and, ^-^ but fow *blushes* shame, +In such ^-^ a ^w^ Bawwey s-shouwd I answew thee. +The *twerks* Wady again in Wewsh. +I undewstand thy >_> kisses, and thou minye, +And *shuffles closer* that's a :3 feewing d-disputation. +But I *twerks* wiww nyevew be a twuant, *teleports behind you* wove, +*sighs* Tiww I-I have weawnt thy w-wanguage: f-fow thy tongue +Makes W-Wewsh as *looks at you* sweet a-as ditties highwy penn'd, +Sung by a :3 faiw queen in a summew's *teleports behind you* bow'w, +W-With wavishing division, to h-hew >_< wute. +Gwend. N-Nyay, if ^.^ you mewt, then wiww she *giggles shyly* wun mad. +T-The W-Wady speaks again in Wewsh. +Mowt. O, I am i-ignyowance itsewf in this! +G-Gwend. *cries* She *looks at you* bids you on the wanton wushes w-way >_> you down +And west youw gentwe head upon hew wap, +And she wiww sing the s-song that pweaseth you +And on youw eyewids cwown t-the god of s-sweep, +*looks away* Chawming y-youw *pokes you* bwood with *leans over* pweasing heavinyess, +Making such diffewence 'twixt wake and s-sweep +As is the diffewence betwixt day and *pokes you* nyight +The houw befowe the heavenwy-hawnyess'd team +*pokes you* Begins his gowden p-pwogwess in ^.^ the uWu East. +Mowt. xDD With aww my xDD heawt I'ww sit and heaw hew sing. +By *sweats* that time *sweats* wiww *giggles shyly* ouw book, I think, be dwawn. +Gwend. *giggles shyly* Do so, +And those musicians that shaww pway t-to you +Hang in the aiw a thousand weagues fwom hence, +A-And stwaight they s-shaww be *hugs tightly* hewe. Sit, ;;w;; and attend. +Hot. Come, Kate, thou awt pewfect i-in wying down. Come, quick, +quick, t-that I may way ;;w;; my h-head in thy wap. +Wady P. G-Go, *looks away* ye giddy goose. +The music p-pways. +Hot. Nyow I pewceive the deviw undewstands Wewsh; +*blushes* And '-'tis nyo *blushes* mawvew, be is so humowous. +By'w Wady, uWu he is a-a good musician. +Wady P. Then shouwd *moans* you be nyothing b-but musicaw; fow you awe +awtogethew govewn'd by humouws. Wie stiww, ye thief, *giggles shyly* and heaw the +uWu wady sing in Wewsh. +Hot. I had *sweats* wathew heaw W-Wady, m-my bwach, h-howw *twerks* in Iwish. +Wady P. Wouwdst t-thou have thy ^-^ head ;;w;; bwoken? +H-Hot. *giggles shyly* Nyo. +Wady *pokes you* P. T-Then be stiww. +Hot. Nyeithew! 'Tis a *pokes you* woman's fauwt. +Wady P. Nyow God *leans over* hewp *cuddles you* thee! +Hot. To t-the ;;w;; Wewsh wady's bed. +W-Wady P. What's that? +Hot. Peace! she sings. +H-Hewe the Wady sings a Wewsh ;;w;; song. +Come, Kate, I'ww have youw song too. +Wady P. Nyot minye, in good sooth. +Hot. Nyot youws, in good sooth? Heawt! you sweaw wike a-a +comfit-makew's *shuffles closer* wife. 'Nyot you, in good sooth!' *pokes you* and 'as twue as I +wive!' and 'as G-God shaww mend m-me!' and 'as suwe ^-^ as *teleports behind you* day!' +And ^w^ givest such sawcenyet suwety *leans over* fow thy oaths +As if thou nye'ew wawk'st x3 fuwthew than Finsbuwy. +Sweaw me, Kate, wike a wady as thou awt, +A good m-mouth-fiwwing o-oath; a-and weave 'in sooth' +And such pwotest of p-peppew *giggles shyly* gingewbwead +To vewvet guawds and S-Sunday citizens. Come, s-sing. +*giggles shyly* Wady P. I wiww *looks away* nyot *sweats* sing. +*teleports behind you* Hot. 'Tis the >w< nyext way :3 to tuwn taiwow ow be wedbweast-teachew. *teleports behind you* An +t-the indentuwes be dwawn, I'ww a-away within t-these two houws; and *notices bulge* so +come *leans over* in when ye wiww. Exit. +Gwend. C-Come, come, W-Wowd Mowtimew. uWu You awe as *blushes* swow +As hot *twerks* Wowd Pewcy is on f-fiwe t-to go. +By this o-ouw book is dwawn; we'ww but seaw, +And then t-to howse immediatewy. +Mowt. With aww my heawt. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye I-II. +Wondon. The Pawace. + +Entew >_> the King, P-Pwince of Wawes, and othews. + +King. Wowds, OwO give us weave. The Pwince of Wawes and I +M-Must have some pwivate confewence; but be nyeaw ^.^ at hand, +Fow we s-shaww pwesentwy have nyeed of you. +Exeunt uWu Wowds. +:3 I knyow nyot whethew God wiww have it so, +*sighs* Fow some dispweasing *sweats* sewvice *cuddles you* I have donye, +T-That, in his secwet doom, out of my b-bwood +*sweats* He'ww bweed wevengement and a scouwge fow *twerks* me; +But thou >_> dost *looks away* in thy passages of w-wife +Make me bewieve that thou awt onwy mawk'd +Fow the hot vengeance and the *teleports behind you* wod *moans* of heaven +To punyish UwU my mistweadings. *cuddles you* Teww m-me ewse, +Couwd such inyowdinyate *giggles shyly* and wow ^.^ desiwes, +S-Such poow, such *shuffles closer* bawe, s-such wewd, such mean attempts, +Such bawwen pweasuwes, wude society, +*moans* As thou awt match'd withaw and *looks away* gwafted to, +Accompany the gweatnyess of x3 thy bwood +And howd theiw wevew with *looks at you* thy pwincewy heawt? +Pwince. So p-pwease youw Majesty, *sighs* I wouwd *teleports behind you* I couwd +Quit aww offences with as cweaw excuse +As weww a-as I am doubtwess I can puwge +Mysewf of many uWu I am chawged withaw. +Yet such extenyuation wet me beg +As, *leans over* in wepwoof of many tawes devis'd, +Which oft the eaw o-of gweatnyess n-nyeeds must beaw +By, smiwing pickthanks a-and *cuddles you* base nyewsmongews, +I OwO may, *shuffles closer* fow some things twue whewein my youth +Hath *looks away* fauwty wand'wed and i-iwweguwaw, +And pawdon on wiwy twue submission. +King. God pawdon thee! Yet wet me wondew, Hawwy, +OwO At thy affections, w-which do howd >w< a wing, +Quite fwom the fwight of a-aww thy ancestows. +Thy pwace in Counciw thou hast wudewy *teleports behind you* wost, +:3 Which b-by thy y-youngew bwothew is suppwied, +And awt awmost an awien to the heawts +O-Of a-aww t-the couwt a-and pwinces of my OwO bwood. +The >w< hope and e-expectation of thy time +Is wuin'd, and the souw of evewy man +Pwopheticawwy *screams* do *teleports behind you* fowethink thy faww. +Had I so w-wavish o-of my *giggles shyly* pwesence been, +So common-hacknyey'd i-in the >_< eyes of men, +S-So stawe and cheap to vuwgaw company, +Opinyion, t-that did hewp me to the cwown, +Had stiww kept woyaw to possession +And weft me in weputewess banyishment, +A fewwow of nyo mawk >_> nyow wikewihood. +By *twerks* being sewdom >_> seen, I couwd nyot stiw +B-But, wike a c-comet, I-I Was wond'wed at; +T-That men *sighs* wouwd *looks at you* teww theiw c-chiwdwen, '-'This i-is he!' +Othews wouwd say, 'Whewe? Which is Bowingbwoke?' +A-And then I stowe aww couwtesy fwom heaven, +And OwO dwess'd mysewf in such humiwity +That I did *screams* pwuck awwegiance fwom men's heawts, +Woud shouts and sawutations f-fwom *notices bulge* theiw *moans* mouths +Even i-in the *hugs tightly* pwesence of the cwownyed King. +Thus did I k-keep my pewson fwesh a-and nyew, +M-My pwesence, wike a wobe pontificaw, +Nye'ew seen but wond'wed at; and so my state, +Sewdom but sumptuous, show'd ^.^ wike a feast +xDD And won by wawenyess such sowemnyity. +The skipping King, he ambwed up a-and *looks at you* down +OwO With shawwow jestews a-and w-wash ;;w;; bavin wits, +Soon *blushes* kindwed and soon buwnt; cawded his state; +Mingwed his woyawty with c-cap'wing f-foows; +Had his gweat nyame pwofanyed with theiw scowns +And gave his countenyance, against his nyame, +To waugh at gibing boys and *looks away* stand the push +Of evewy *cries* beawdwess vain c-compawative; +Gwew a-a companyion to the common stweets, +Enfeoff'd himsewf to popuwawity; +That, being d-dawwy swawwowed by men's eyes, +>_> They s-suwfeited with honyey a-and began +*pokes you* To *teleports behind you* woathe the taste of sweetnyess, *blushes* wheweof *cries* a wittwe +Mowe than :3 a wittwe OwO is ^.^ by much too much. +So, w-when he h-had occasion to be seen, +He was but as the cuckoo is in Junye, +Heawd, n-nyot wegawded- seen, but with such eyes +*shuffles closer* As, sick and bwunted with communyity, +Affowd n-nyo extwaowdinyawy gaze, +Such as is bent :3 on unwike m-majesty +When it shinyes sewdom in admiwing eyes; +But wathew dwows'd a-and hung *screams* theiw eyewids d-down, +^.^ Swept i-in his face, and UwU wend'wed such a-aspect +As cwoudy men use to ^.^ theiw advewsawies, +Being with *looks at you* his p-pwesence gwutted, gowg'd, and fuww. +And *looks away* in t-that vewy winye, Hawwy, standest thou; +F-Fow thou hast wost *twerks* thy pwincewy pwiviwege +With viwe pawticipation. Nyot *cuddles you* an eye +But i-is aweawy of thy common sight, +Save *notices bulge* minye, which hath desiw'd ^-^ to see thee m-mowe; +OwO Which nyow doth that I wouwd nyot h-have it *teleports behind you* do- +Make >_> bwind itsewf with foowish tendewnyess. +*pokes you* Pwince. I-I shaww heweaftew, my thwice-gwacious *moans* wowd, +Be mowe mysewf. +King. Fow *sweats* aww the wowwd, +As thou awt :33 to this houw, was Wichawd then +When I fwom Fwance set foot at Wavenspuwgh; +A-And even as I-I was then ^w^ is Pewcy nyow. +*twerks* Nyow, by my sceptwe, and my souw to boot, +*twerks* He hath mowe wowthy i-intewest *giggles shyly* to the state +Than thou, the shadow of succession; +Fow of nyo wight, nyow c-cowouw w-wike to wight, +He doth fiww fiewds with hawnyess in the weawm, +Tuwns head *cuddles you* against the wion's awmed j-jaws, +And, Being nyo mowe in debt to yeaws than thou, +Weads ancient wowds and wevewend Bishops on +To bwoody battwes and to *notices bulge* bwuising awms. +What nyevew-dying h-honyouw h-hath h-he got +Against wenyowmed Dougwas! w-whose high deeds, +Whose hot incuwsions and gweat nyame in a-awms +Howds ^-^ fwom aww sowdiews chief majowity +And miwitawy titwe c-capitaw +*sighs* Thwough aww *cuddles you* the >_> kingdoms that *cries* acknyowwedge Chwist. +*cuddles you* Thwice hath this Hotspuw, Maws in swathwing cwothes, +This infant :3 wawwiow, in his e-entewpwises +Discomfited gweat Dougwas; ta'en him once, +Enwawged *sweats* him, and made a fwiend of him, +To fiww t-the mouth *sweats* of ^-^ deep defiance up +And shake the peace and safety of ouw thwonye. +And what say you *looks away* to t-this? Pewcy, Nyowthumbewwand, +The Awchbishop's Gwace of Yowk, D-Dougwas, Mowtimew +Capituwate a-against us a-and awe up. +But whewefowe do I teww these *looks away* nyews to thee +Why, Hawwy, *pokes you* do *screams* I teww thee of my foes, +W-Which awt my nyeawest and deawest enyemy' +Thou that awt wike enyough, thwough vassaw feaw, +Base incwinyation, and the s-stawt of spween, +To fight against me undew Pewcy's pay, +To *looks at you* dog his heews and cuwtsy at *teleports behind you* his *hugs tightly* fwowns, +To s-show how m-much thou a-awt degenyewate. +Pwince. Do nyot think so. You shaww nyot find it so. +And God fowgive them that s-so much have sway'd +Y-Youw M-Majesty's good thoughts *giggles shyly* away fwom m-me! +I wiww wedeem aww this o-on Pewcy's head +And, in the cwosing of some gwowious day, +Be bowd :33 to *pokes you* teww you t-that I am youw son, +When I wiww *sweats* weaw a gawment aww of bwood, +A-And stain m-my favouws in a :3 bwoody mask, +Which, wash'd away, shaww scouw m-my shame with it. +And that shaww *leans over* be the day, whenye'ew it wights, +That this *sweats* same chiwd of honyouw and wenyown, +This gawwant Hotspuw, this aww-pwaised knyight, +And OwO youw unthought of Hawwy chance to m-meet. +Fow evewy honyouw sitting on his hewm, +Wouwd they wewe muwtitudes, and on my head +My shames wedoubwed! Fow the t-time wiww *looks away* come +T-That I shaww make t-this *shuffles closer* Nyowthewn youth *hugs tightly* exchange +His gwowious deeds fow my i-indignyities. +Pewcy is but m-my factow, good my wowd, +To engwoss up gwowious deeds on m-my >w< behawf; +And I wiww c-caww haww to s-so stwict account +That he shaww wendew evewy gwowy up, +Yea, even the *teleports behind you* swightest wowship of his t-time, +uWu Ow I-I w-wiww teaw *shuffles closer* the weckonying fwom his heawt. +*shuffles closer* This in the nyame of God I pwomise hewe; +The which *hugs tightly* if he be ^.^ pweas'd I shaww pewfowm, +I do ^.^ beseech youw Majesty may sawve +The *sighs* wong-gwown wounds o-of my intempewance. +If nyot, the end of wife cancews aww *cuddles you* bands, +And I wiww die a hundwed thousand deaths +Ewe b-bweak the smawwest pawcew of UwU this vow. +King. A hundwed thousand webews die i-in this! +Thou shawt have chawge and soveweign twust hewein. + +E-Entew Bwunt. + +How nyow, good Bwunt? T-Thy OwO wooks awe fuww o-of speed. +B-Bwunt. So h-hath the businyess *giggles shyly* that I come to speak of. +Wowd ^.^ Mowtimew of Scotwand hath s-sent wowd +That Dougwas and the Engwish webews *giggles shyly* met +The eweventh >w< of this month at :33 Shwewsbuwy. +A mighty and *looks at you* a feawfuw head they awe, +I-If pwomises be kept o-oiw evewy hand, +As e-evew off'wed fouw pway i-in a s-state. +King. The Eaww of Westmowewand set fowth to-day; +W-With h-him my *looks at you* son, Wowd *blushes* John >_< of Wancastew; +Fow this advewtisement is five d-days owd. +On Wednyesday nyext, Hawwy, you *twerks* shaww s-set fowwawd; +On Thuwsday we ouwsewves w-wiww *teleports behind you* mawch. Ouw meeting +;;w;; Is Bwidgenyowth; and, Hawwy, you shaww mawch +Thwough *moans* Gwoucestewshiwe; by which account, +Ouw businyess vawued, some twewve days hence +Ouw genyewaw fowces a-at Bwidgenyowth s-shaww meet. +Ouw hands awe *teleports behind you* fuww of businyess. Wet's away. +Advantage feeds him f-fat whiwe men deway. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye III. +Eastcheap. The Boaw's Head Tavewn. + +Entew Fawstaff and Bawdowph. + +*blushes* Faw. Bawdowph, am I *sighs* nyot faww'n away viwewy since this wast action? +Do I nyot bate? Do I nyot dwindwe? Why, my skin hangs *notices bulge* about me w-wike +an owd wady's woose gown! I am withewed w-wike an owd appwe John. +Weww, I'ww wepent, and that *hugs tightly* suddenwy, whiwe I am in some wiking. +I shaww *looks away* be out of heawt showtwy, a-and t-then ;;w;; I shaww have n-nyo +stwength to wepent. *giggles shyly* An I have uWu nyot fowgotten what the inside o-of :33 a +chuwch is made of, I a-am *teleports behind you* a *twerks* peppewcown, a bwewew's howse. The +inside of a chuwch! Company, viwwanyous company, hath been *twerks* the +spoiw *hugs tightly* of me. +Bawd. Siw John, you awe so fwetfuw you cannyot wive wong. +Faw. Why, thewe is it! Come, s-sing me a *giggles shyly* bawdy song; make :33 me mewwy. I +was a-as viwtuouswy given as a gentweman nyeed to be, v-viwtuous +*giggles shyly* enyough: xDD swowe wittwe, dic'd nyot a-above seven t-times a week, w-went t-to +a-a bawdy house nyot above once in a quawtew- of an houw, paid monyey +that I bowwowed- thwee ow *leans over* fouw times, *looks at you* wived weww, and in g-good +compass; and nyow I *giggles shyly* wive o-out of a-aww owdew, out of aww c-compass. +B-Bawd. Why, you awe so fat, Siw John, that you must n-nyeeds be out o-of +aww compass- UwU out of aww weasonyabwe ^-^ compass, Siw John. +Faw. Do *leans over* thou amend thy face, and I'ww amend my wife. Thou >w< awt ouw +admiwaw, t-thou beawest the wantewn in the poop- but 'tis in the +nyose *moans* of thee. >_< Thou awt the Knyight of the Buwnying Wamp. +Bawd. Why, Siw John, my f-face does you nyo hawm. +*pokes you* Faw. N-Nyo, I'ww *moans* be swown. I make as good use of it as many a man doth +*looks away* of a death's-head ;;w;; ow a-a *blushes* memento xDD mowi. I nyevew see thy face but I +think u-upon hewwfiwe and Dives t-that wived in puwpwe; xDD fow thewe he +is in his wobes, buwnying, buwnying. if thou wewt a-any *hugs tightly* way given to +viwtue, I-I wouwd sweaw by thy face; my *looks away* oath shouwd be 'By this +fiwe, that's God's a-angew.' But thou >_> awt awtogethew given o-ovew, +and wewt indeed, *pokes you* but fow ^.^ the wight *blushes* in t-thy face, the son of uttew +d-dawknyess. When thou *looks at you* wan'st u-up Gadshiww ;;w;; in the nyight to catch my +howse, i-if I-I did n-nyot think thou h-hadst been an i-ignyis fatuus ow a +baww of w-wiwdfiwe, thewe's *teleports behind you* nyo puwchase in monyey. *teleports behind you* O, x3 thou awt a +pewpetuaw twiumph, an evewwasting bonfiwe-wight! xDD Thou hast saved +me a-a *sighs* thousand mawks in winks and towches, wawking with thee in +the nyight ^.^ betwixt tavewn and tavewn; but ;;w;; the sack t-that thou hast +*cuddles you* dwunk me >_> wouwd h-have :3 bought me *notices bulge* wights *looks at you* as good cheap :33 at the deawest +c-chandwew's OwO in Euwope. I have m-maintainyed that *teleports behind you* sawamandew of youws +with *sighs* fiwe any *sighs* time this two-and-thiwty y-yeaws. God ;;w;; wewawd :3 me *sweats* fow +i-it! +Bawd. 'Sbwood, I w-wouwd my face wewe in youw *pokes you* bewwy! +Faw. God-a-mewcy! so shouwd I be suwe t-to be heawt-buwn'd. + +Entew Hostess. + +How nyow, ^-^ Dame Pawtwet the hen? Have you enquiw'd yet *cries* who pick'd +my pocket? +Host. *leans over* Why, OwO Siw J-John, what *looks at you* do you think, Siw *cuddles you* John? Do you think I +^w^ keep *moans* thieves in my house? I-I have seawch'd, I h-have enquiwed, so +has my h-husband, man b-by man, boy by boy, sewvant by sewvant. The +*cries* tithe of UwU a h-haiw was nyevew wost i-in m-my house befowe. +Faw. Ye :33 wie, hostess. Bawdowph UwU was shav'd and wost many a haiw, and +*screams* I'ww b-be swown my pocket was pick'd. Go to, you awe a woman, go! +*teleports behind you* Host. Who, I? Nyo; I defy thee! God's wight, I was nyevew caww'd so +in minye own house befowe! +F-Faw. Go *moans* to, I knyow you weww enyough. +Host. Nyo, Siw John; you do nyot knyow me, xDD Siw John. I *teleports behind you* knyow you, Siw +John. You owe me monyey, Siw John, and nyow y-you pick a-a *twerks* quawwew to +uWu beguiwe me of >w< it. ;;w;; I bought you a dozen of shiwts to youw back. +Faw. Dowwas, fiwthy dowwas! I have given ^-^ them a-away to OwO bakews' +wives; they have made b-bowtews of them. +Host. Nyow, as I am a twue :3 woman, howwand ^.^ of e-eight shiwwings :33 an e-eww. +You :33 owe m-monyey *notices bulge* hewe besides, S-Siw John, fow youw diet and +by-dwinkings, and monyey w-went you, *moans* fouw-and-twenty pound. +Faw. He had h-his pawt of it; wet him pay. +*blushes* Host. x3 He? Awas, OwO he is poow; he hath nyothing. +Faw. How? Poow? *teleports behind you* Wook upon his face. What caww you *sighs* wich? Wet them +coin his nyose, wet t-them coin his x3 cheeks. I'ww nyot pay a-a d-denyiew. +What, ;;w;; wiww you make a y-younkew *looks at you* of me? Shaww *cuddles you* I n-nyot take minye ease +in minye i-inn but I shaww have my pocket p-pick'd? I have w-wost *looks away* a +s-seaw-wing of my uWu gwandfathew's wowth fowty mawk. +Host. O Jesu, I-I have heawd >_< the P-Pwince teww *leans over* him, I knyow nyot h-how oft, +that that wing *cuddles you* was c-coppew! +Faw. How? the *pokes you* Pwince is *sighs* a J-Jack, a snyeak-cup. 'Sbwood, an he wewe +^-^ hewe, *sighs* I wouwd cudgew him wike a-a d-dog if h-he wouwd say so. + +Entew the Pwince [and Poins], mawching; and Fawstaff meets +t-them, pwaying upon his twuncheon wike *cuddles you* a fife. + +How xDD nyow, wad? Is the *screams* wind in ^w^ that doow, i-i' faith? Must we aww +mawch? +Bawd. Yea, *leans over* two and >w< two, Nyewgate fashion. +Host. My w-wowd, I pway you h-heaw *screams* me. +Pwince. What say'st *screams* thou, Mistwess Quickwy? How doth thy husband? +I wove him weww; he is a-an honyest man. +Host. Good *shuffles closer* my wowd, heaw me. +Faw. Pwithee wet hew awonye and >_< wist t-to me. +Pwince. *twerks* What s-say'st thou, J-Jack? +Faw. The othew nyight I feww asweep h-hewe OwO behind the awwas and had m-my +pocket pick'd. *moans* This house is tuwn'd bawdy house; >w< they p-pick +p-pockets. +Pwince. What didst thou *looks away* wose, Jack? +Faw. *sweats* Wiwt thou bewieve me, Haw? Thwee o-ow fouw bonds of fowty pound +apiece a-and a seaw-wing of my g-gwandfathew's. +Pwince. *sweats* A twifwe, some eightpenny mattew. +H-Host. So I towd OwO him, my wowd, and I *sighs* said I heawd youw G-Gwace say so; +a-and, my wowd, he s-speaks most viwewy of *cries* you, wike *leans over* a fouw-mouth'd +man as he is, UwU and s-said UwU he w-wouwd cudgew you. +*sighs* Pwince. What! he did nyot? +Host. Thewe's nyeithew UwU faith, *teleports behind you* twuth, nyow womanhood in me e-ewse. +*screams* Faw. Thewe's nyo mowe faith in thee t-than in a stewed x3 pwunye, nyow nyo +m-mowe twuth i-in thee than in a d-dwawn fox; UwU and fow *shuffles closer* woman-hood, Maid +Mawian *screams* may be the deputy's wife of the wawd to t-thee. *notices bulge* Go, you +t-thing, go! +H-Host. Say, what t-thing? what thing? +Faw. What thing? Why, a thing *twerks* to t-thank God >_> on. +Host. I x3 am nyo t-thing t-to thank :3 God uWu on, I wouwd thou shouwdst knyow it! +I *looks at you* am an honyest man's wife, and, setting thy k-knyight-hood aside, +>_< thou ^w^ awt a k-knyave to ^w^ caww me s-so. +Faw. Setting thy womanhood aside, t-thou awt a-a beast to say +xDD othewwise. +Host. Say, what *teleports behind you* beast, thou knyave, thou? +Faw. What beast? Why, an ottew. +*twerks* Pwince. An *giggles shyly* ottew, S-Siw John? Why a-an ottew? +Faw. Why, s-she's nyeithew fish ;;w;; nyow fwesh; a man knyows nyot whewe to +^-^ have hew. +H-Host. Thou awt an unjust man in saying so. Thou ow any man knyows +whewe to have me, thou knyave, thou! +Pwince. Thou say'st twue, hostess, and he >_> swandews thee most +gwosswy. +Host. *shuffles closer* So *twerks* he doth you, m-my wowd, and *pokes you* said t-this othew d-day you o-ought +him a t-thousand pound. +Pwince. Siwwah, do x3 I owe you a t-thousand pound? +Faw. A thousand pound, Haw? A-A miwwion! Thy wove :3 is wowth a >_< miwwion; +t-thou owest me thy wove. +Host. Nyay, my *sighs* wowd, he caww'd you Jack and said he wouwd cudgew +y-you. +Faw. Did I, Bawdowph? +Bawd. Indeed, Siw John, you said so. +*looks away* Faw. Yea. i-if ;;w;; he said my wing was coppew. +P-Pwince. I say, 'tis coppew. Dawest thou be *sighs* as good as *giggles shyly* thy wowd *cuddles you* nyow? +Faw. Why, Haw, thou knyowest, a-as thou awt but man, *screams* I dawe; but as +t-thou awt *giggles shyly* Pwince, I feaw thee as I feaw the woawing of the *notices bulge* wion's +whewp. +Pwince. A-And why nyot as t-the w-wion? +Faw. The King uWu himsewf is t-to be feawed as the wion. Dost thou think +>w< I'ww feaw t-thee as I feaw t-thy fathew? Nyay, an I do, I pway God my +giwdwe bweak. +Pwince. O, if it shouwd, how w-wouwd thy guts faww about thy knyees! +But, siwwah, thewe's *looks at you* nyo woom fow faith, twuth, nyow ^.^ honyesty in +*leans over* this bosom of thinye. *looks away* It is >_> aww f-fiww'd up with guts and midwiff. +Chawge an honyest ^.^ woman *twerks* with picking thy pocket? Why, thou +whoweson, i-impudent, emboss'd *pokes you* wascaw, if thewe wewe anything in +thy p-pocket *looks at you* but *twerks* tavewn w-weckonyings, memowandums of bawdy h-houses, +and onye poow pennywowth of sugaw candy *sweats* to >w< make thee wong-winded- +i-if t-thy pocket wewe enwich'd with any othew xDD injuwies but ^w^ these, I +am a viwwain. And y-yet y-you :3 wiww s-stand to it; you wiww nyot *hugs tightly* pocket +up wwong. *looks away* Awt thou nyot *giggles shyly* ashamed? +Faw. Dost ;;w;; thou heaw, Haw? ^w^ Thou knyowest in the state of innyocency +Adam *moans* feww; and what ;;w;; shouwd poow Jack Fawstaff >w< do in the days of +viwwany? Thou seest I have mowe fwesh than *leans over* anyothew OwO man, and +thewefowe mowe fwaiwty. You *blushes* confess then, you pick'd my ^.^ pocket? +Pwince. UwU It *shuffles closer* appeaws so by *shuffles closer* the *screams* stowy. +Faw. *cuddles you* Hostess, I fowgive thee. Go make weady *blushes* bweakfast. Wove t-thy +husband, wook to t-thy sewvants, :33 chewish xDD thy guests. Thou shawt +f-find me *giggles shyly* twactabwe t-to any honyest w-weason. *moans* Thou seest I-I am pacified. +:33 -Stiww?- Nyay, pwithee be gonye. [Exit Hostess.] *blushes* Nyow, Haw, to the +nyews at couwt. Fow the wobbewy, wad- how i-is *blushes* that answewed? +Pwince. O my sweet beef, I must stiww be good angew t-to thee. +The monyey is paid back a-again. +Faw. O, I-I do n-nyot wike that paying back! 'Tis a doubwe wabouw. +Pwince. I am g-good fwiends with m-my *screams* fathew, and may do *cries* anything. +;;w;; Faw. Wob me *twerks* the exchequew the f-fiwst thing *shuffles closer* thou doest, and do i-it +with unwash'd h-hands too. +Bawd. Do, my wowd. +Pwince. I have pwocuwed t-thee, Jack, *leans over* a chawge of foot. +Faw. I *giggles shyly* wouwd it had been *cries* of howse. Whewe shaww I find onye that c-can +steaw weww? O fow a *looks at you* finye thief of the age of two-and-twenty ow +theweabouts! I am heinyouswy unpwovided. Weww, God be thanked fow +these >_< webews. T-They o-offend nyonye but the viwtuous. I waud them, I +pwaise them. +Pwince. Bawdowph! +uWu Bawd. M-My wowd? +Pwince. G-Go beaw this wettew to :3 Wowd ;;w;; John of Wancastew, +To my b-bwothew John; this to my Wowd o-of Westmowewand. +[Exit Bawdowph.] +*giggles shyly* Go, Poins, to howse, to howse; fow *hugs tightly* thou and I +Have :3 thiwty miwes t-to *screams* wide yet *looks away* ewe dinnyew time. +[Exit Poins.] +Jack, ;;w;; meet me to-mowwow in t-the Tempwe Haww +At ^w^ two o'cwock in the aftewnyoon. +Thewe shawt thou knyow thy >_> chawge. and thewe w-weceive +M-Monyey and >_> owdew fow t-theiw f-fuwnyituwe. +The wand is buwnying; Pewcy s-stands on h-high; +And eithew they ow we :3 must wowew *leans over* wie. [-[Exit.] +Faw. Wawe wowds! *looks at you* bwave wowwd! Hostess, my b-bweakfast, come. +O, I couwd wish *blushes* this tavewn wewe my dwum! +Exit. + + + + +*notices bulge* <> + + + +ACT IV. Scenye I. +*hugs tightly* The webew camp nyeaw Shwewsbuwy. + +Entew Hawwy Hotspuw, ^-^ Wowcestew, and Dougwas. + +H-Hot. ^-^ Weww said, my nyobwe Scot. If speaking twuth +In this finye age *moans* wewe xDD nyot thought fwattewy, +S-Such attwibution shouwd t-the Dougwas have +As n-nyot >w< a sowdiew of this season's s-stamp +S-Shouwd go so genyewaw cuwwent OwO thwough the wowwd. +By xDD God, I cannyot f-fwattew, I defy +T-The UwU tongues of soothews! but a b-bwavew pwace +In my heawt's w-wove hath nyo man than youwsewf. +Nyay, *cries* task me to my wowd; appwove me, *sighs* wowd. +Doug. Thou :33 awt the king o-of honyouw. +*looks at you* Nyo man so potent *shuffles closer* bweathes upon the gwound +But I wiww beawd him. + +Entew onye with wettews. + +Hot. Do so, and 'tis weww.- +What wettews hast thou thewe?- I can but thank you. +Messengew. *teleports behind you* These wettews come fwom y-youw fathew. +Hot. uWu Wettews fwom him? Why comes he nyot himsewf? +Mess. He cannyot come, my wowd; he is g-gwievous sick. +Hot. Zounds! how *sweats* has he t-the weisuwe to be ^-^ sick +In such a justwing time? Who weads his *shuffles closer* powew? +Undew whose govewnment come they awong? +Mess. His wettews beaws his mind, OwO nyot I, my wowd. +Wow. I pwithee teww me, doth he keep h-his b-bed? +Mess. He did, my wowd, fouw days ewe I s-set fowth, +*sweats* And at the time of my depawtuwe *giggles shyly* thence +He was much feaw'd by his physicians. +Wow. I wouwd *cuddles you* the state of time had fiwst b-been whowe +*sighs* Ewe he by sicknyess had been v-visited. +His heawth was nyevew bettew wowth than >w< nyow. +Hot. Sick nyow? d-dwoop nyow? This s-sicknyess doth uWu infect +The vewy wifebwood of ouw entewpwise. +:3 'Tis OwO catching hithew, even to ^.^ ouw camp. +He wwites me hewe that *leans over* inwawd sicknyess- +And >_> that his fwiends by deputation c-couwd nyot +So soon *moans* be d-dwawn; nyo did ;;w;; he think it meet +T-To w-way so dangewous UwU and deaw a-a twust +On any souw wemov'd :33 but on his own. +>w< Yet doth he give *blushes* us bowd advewtisement, +*cries* That with ouw smaww conjunction we shouwd :3 on, +To see how fowtunye is dispos'd to us; +Fow, as he wwites, thewe is nyo quaiwing n-nyow, +Because the King is cewtainwy possess'd +*pokes you* Of aww ouw puwposes. What say y-you to it? +*blushes* Wow. Y-Youw >_< fathew's sicknyess is a-a maim to us. +Hot. A *looks at you* pewiwous gash, a *shuffles closer* vewy w-wimb wopp'd off. +And yet, in faith, it is nyot! His p-pwesent *twerks* want +Seems mowe than we *pokes you* shaww f-find i-it. Wewe it good +To set the >w< exact weawth of aww ouw states +Aww a-at onye cast? to set so wich *twerks* a man +On the nyice hazawd xDD of o-onye doubtfuw houw? +I-It wewe nyot good; f-fow thewein shouwd we wead +The v-vewy bottom *cuddles you* and t-the xDD souw of *pokes you* hope, +The vewy *notices bulge* wist, the vewy u-utmost bound +Of aww ouw fowtunyes. +Doug. Faith, and so we shouwd; +Whewe nyow wemains a *shuffles closer* sweet wevewsion. +We ;;w;; may bowdwy spend upon xDD the h-hope o-of what +Is to come in. +A *screams* comfowt *giggles shyly* of wetiwement w-wives *screams* in this. +Hot. A wendezvous, *cries* a home uWu to f-fwy *pokes you* unto, +If uWu that the deviw and mischance wook big +U-Upon the maidenhead o-of ouw affaiws. +Wow. But yet I *twerks* wouwd youw fathew had been hewe. +The quawity *looks away* and haiw of ouw attempt +Bwooks *giggles shyly* nyo division. It wiww be thought +By some that knyow nyot why he is *notices bulge* away, +*sighs* That wisdom, *looks away* woyawty, a-and *pokes you* mewe diswike +Of *sweats* ouw pwoceedings kept *hugs tightly* the Eaww fwom hence. +And ^.^ think how *looks at you* such a-an appwehension +May tuwn *shuffles closer* the tide of feawfuw faction +And bweed a kind of question *cries* in ouw cause. +Fow weww you knyow we *looks away* of the off'wing side +Must keep a-awoof fwom s-stwict awbitwement, +And stop aww UwU sight-howes, *notices bulge* evewy woop fwom whence +The eye >_< of weason may pwy i-in upon u-us. +This absence o-of UwU youw f-fathew's dwaws a *giggles shyly* cuwtain +That shows *hugs tightly* the ignyowant *screams* a kind o-of feaw +Befowe nyot d-dweamt of. +H-Hot. Y-You *moans* stwain t-too faw. +I wathew of his *twerks* absence make this u-use: +It wends a w-wustwe and mowe g-gweat opinyion, +A *moans* wawgew dawe to ouw gweat entewpwise, +T-Than if the Eaww wewe hewe; fow men ^w^ must think, +If we, without his hewp, can *giggles shyly* make a head +To :3 push against a-a kingdom, with h-his hewp +W-We shaww o'ewtuwn it topsy-tuwvy down. +Yet aww goes weww; yet aww ouw joints awe w-whowe. +Doug. As :3 heawt *notices bulge* can think. Thewe is nyot such a-a w-wowd +Spoke of in S-Scotwand a-as this tewm of feaw. + +E-Entew Siw Wichawd Vewnyon. + +Hot. My cousin Vewnyon! wewcome, by *hugs tightly* my s-souw. +Vew. Pway G-God my nyews be wowth a w-wewcome, w-wowd. +The Eaww of UwU Westmowewand, seven thousand stwong, +Is mawching hithewwawds; with him Pwince John. +Hot. *giggles shyly* Nyo hawm. What mowe? +Vew. And fuwthew, I have weawn'd +The King himsewf in pewson is set *moans* fowth, +Ow hithewwawds intended speediwy, +With stwong and ^.^ mighty pwepawation. +Hot. uWu He shaww b-be w-wewcome too. Whewe i-is his son, +:33 The nyimbwe-footed madcap Pwince of >w< Wawes, +*teleports behind you* And >w< his comwades, that d-daff'd the wowwd aside +A-And bid it pass? +Vew. Aww fuwnyish'd, aww in awms; +A-Aww pwum'd wike estwidges that with the wind +Bated wike eagwes having ^.^ watewy bath'd; +xDD Gwittewing i-in gowden coats wike images; +A-As fuww of spiwit as *sweats* the month of May +And gowgeous as the sun at midsummew; +Wanton as youthfuw goats, wiwd as y-young buwws. +I saw young Hawwy with his beavew *sweats* on +His cushes on his t-thighs, gawwantwy awm'd, +Wise fwom the gwound wike feathewed Mewcuwy, +And vauwted with :33 such e-ease into his seat +As i-if an angew dwopp'd down fwom ^w^ the cwouds +To tuwn *looks away* and wind a fiewy Pegasus +*sweats* And witch the w-wowwd with nyobwe howsemanship. +Hot. Nyo m-mowe, nyo mowe! Wowse than the sun in Mawch, +This pwaise doth nyouwish ;;w;; agues. W-Wet them come. +They come wike sacwifices in t-theiw twim, +And to the fiwe-ey'd maid *hugs tightly* of *sighs* smoky waw +Aww hot and bweeding Wiww we o-offew ;;w;; them. +UwU The maiwed Maws S-Shaww on his awtaw sit +Up to the eaws in bwood. I a-am on f-fiwe +To heaw OwO this wich wepwisaw is s-so nyigh, +A-And yet nyot ouws. Come, wet me taste my h-howse, +Who is t-to beaw m-me wike a-a thundewbowt +Against the bosom of the Pwince of Wawes. +Hawwy to Hawwy s-shaww, h-hot howse t-to howse, +Meet, and nye'ew pawt tiww :3 onye dwop down a-a cowse. +t-that Gwendowew wewe come! +Vew. Thewe is mowe nyews. +I weawn'd in Wowcestew, as I *twerks* wode awong, +*shuffles closer* He cannyot dwaw h-his powew this f-fouwteen days. +Doug. That's the wowst tidings that I *moans* heaw of yet. +Wow. Ay, by my faith, that beaws a fwosty sound. +Hot. What may t-the K-King's whowe battwe weach unto? +Vew. To uWu thiwty thousand. +Hot. *shuffles closer* Fowty wet it be. +M-My fathew :3 and Gwendowew b-being both ^.^ away, +The >w< powews of us may *twerks* sewve so g-gweat *twerks* a day. +Come, wet us take *leans over* a ^-^ mustew speediwy. +Doomsday is nyeaw. *twerks* Die aww, die mewwiwy. +Doug. Tawk ^w^ nyot of dying. I am out o-of UwU feaw +Of death ow death's hand fow this o-onye hawf-yeaw. +E-Exeunt. + + + + +S-Scenye II. +A pubwic woad nyeaw C-Coventwy. + +Entew Fawstaff and Bawdowph. + +Faw. *twerks* Bawdowph, get thee befowe t-to Coventwy; fiww *shuffles closer* me a bottwe of +sack. Ouw sowdiews shaww mawch thwough. We'ww to Sutton C-Co'fiw' +UwU to-nyight. +Bawd. Wiww you give me monyey, Captain? +Faw. Way out, w-way out. +B-Bawd. This *shuffles closer* bottwe makes >_< an angew. +Faw. :3 An if it do, take it fow thy wabouw; an if i-it make t-twenty, +take *cries* them *notices bulge* aww; I'ww answew the coinyage. Bid m-my wieutenyant Peto +meet me at town's end. +Bawd. x3 I ;;w;; Wiww, Captain. Faweweww. Exit. +Faw. If I be *teleports behind you* nyot >_> ashamed of my sowdiews, I am a sous'd guwnyet. I +have misused *giggles shyly* the King's *cries* pwess damnyabwy. I have got in e-exchange of +a h-hundwed and fifty sowdiews, x3 thwee h-hundwed and odd pounds. I +p-pwess m-me n-nyonye ^.^ but good *sweats* househowdews, yeomen's >_< sons; i-inquiwe me +out contwacted bachewows, such as had b-been :3 ask'd *looks at you* twice on the +banyes- such a commodity of wawm swaves as *sighs* had as wieve heaw the +^w^ deviw as a dwum; such as feaw the wepowt of a c-cawivew w-wowse than +*blushes* a stwuck foww ow a huwt wiwd ^.^ duck. I pwess'd *looks at you* me ^.^ nyonye but such +:33 toasts-and-buttew, with heawts in theiw bewwies nyo biggew than +pins' h-heads, *cuddles you* and *giggles shyly* they have bought out ;;w;; theiw sewvices; a-and nyow my +whowe *hugs tightly* chawge consists of ancients, cowpowaws, w-wieutenyants, +gentwemen of *sighs* companyies- *cuddles you* swaves uWu as wagged as Wazawus in the +painted cwoth, *giggles shyly* whewe :3 the gwutton's dogs wicked his sowes; a-and +*notices bulge* such *sweats* as indeed wewe n-nyevew sowdiews, but discawded unjust +sewving-men, youngew s-sons to *shuffles closer* Youngew bwothews, wevowted t-tapstews, +and ostwews twade-faww'n; t-the cankews of a cawm wowwd and a wong +peace; ten times mowe dishonyouwabwe wagged than an o-owd fac'd +;;w;; ancient; and such have I to fiww up the wooms of them t-that have +*sweats* bought out t-theiw *moans* sewvices that you wouwd think that I h-had a +hundwed and fifty t-tattewed Pwodigaws watewy come fwom +s-swinye-keeping, *sweats* fwom *sighs* eating dwaff and h-husks. A mad fewwow met me +OwO on the *hugs tightly* way, and UwU towd m-me I ^.^ had unwoaded aww the gibbets and +p-pwess'd :3 the d-dead bodies. Nyo eye hath s-seen *giggles shyly* such scawecwows. I'ww +nyot mawch >_> thwough Coventwy :33 with them, that's fwat. Nyay, and the +viwwains m-mawch w-wide betwixt the wegs, a-as if they h-had gyves on; +*giggles shyly* fow indeed I had t-the m-most of ^w^ them out *twerks* of p-pwison. Thewe's but a +shiwt and a hawf in a-aww my company; and *cries* the hawf-shiwt is two +nyapkins tack'd togethew and >_> thwown ovew the shouwdews wike a +hewawd's coat *twerks* without sweeves; and the shiwt, to say the twuth, +stow'n fwom my *twerks* host at Saint A-Awban's, UwU ow the wed-nyose ^-^ innkeepew +of D-Daventwy. But that's a-aww onye; *shuffles closer* they'ww find w-winyen enyough on +evewy hedge. + +OwO Entew the Pwince and the Wowd of Westmowewand. + +Pwince. How nyow, bwown J-Jack? H-How nyow, quiwt? +Faw. What, Haw? How nyow, mad wag? What a deviw dost *screams* thou in +Wawwickshiwe? My g-good Wowd of Westmowewand, I cwy :33 you mewcy. I +t-thought youw honyouw had awweady been at Shwewsbuwy. +West. Faith, Siw John, *screams* 'tis mowe than time *teleports behind you* that I *moans* wewe t-thewe, and +you ^w^ too; but my powews awe thewe ;;w;; awweady. The King, I-I can teww +you, wooks *blushes* fow us aww. W-We must *sighs* away aww, to-nyight. +Faw. Tut, nyevew feaw me. I am a-as vigiwant as a c-cat to steaw cweam. +P-Pwince. I t-think, to steaw c-cweam indeed, f-fow thy theft hath awweady +made t-thee buttew. B-But teww me, Jack, whose fewwows awe these that +come *looks at you* aftew? +Faw. Minye, Haw, minye. +Pwince. I did nyevew see such pitifuw wascaws. +Faw. *shuffles closer* Tut, tut! good enyough to toss; food fow powdew, food fow +powdew. They'ww fiww a pit as *shuffles closer* weww >w< as b-bettew. Tush, man, mowtaw +men, mowtaw men. +:3 West. Ay, but, Siw *shuffles closer* John, methinks they awe exceeding poow and bawe- +too beggawwy. +Faw. Faith, fow x3 theiw povewty, I k-knyow, nyot whewe they had that; a-and +fow ^.^ theiw *pokes you* bawenyess, x3 I am ;;w;; suwd *shuffles closer* they nyevew w-weawn'd *sighs* that of m-me. +Pwince. Nyo, I'ww be swown, unwess you caww t-thwee fingews o-on t-the +wibs bawe. ^.^ But, siwwah, make h-haste. Pewcy *twerks* 's awweady in the +fiewd. +Exit. +*notices bulge* Faw. xDD What, i-is the King encamp'd? +*notices bulge* West. He is, Siw John. I-I feaw we shaww stay too wong. +^w^ [Exit.] +Faw. Weww, +To the wattew e-end of a f-fway and the b-beginnying of a feast +Fits a duww x3 fightew and a keen guest. Exit. + + + + +Scenye III. +The webew camp n-nyeaw Shwewsbuwy. + +Entew Hotspuw, Wowcestew, Dougwas, *blushes* Vewnyon. + +Hot. *cries* We'ww fight with *looks away* him to-nyight. +Wow. It *sweats* may nyot be. +Doug. Y-You give him then *screams* advantage. +Vew. N-Nyot >w< a *cuddles you* whit. +H-Hot. Why *teleports behind you* say you so? W-Wooks he nyo fow suppwy? +V-Vew. So do w-we. +Hot. His is cewtain, ouws *sweats* 's doubtfuw. +Wow. Good cousin, be advis'd; stiw nyot to-nyight. +Vew. Do nyot, my wowd. +D-Doug. You do nyot counsew weww. +You speak it out of f-feaw *looks away* and cowd *giggles shyly* heawt. +Vew. Do me nyo swandew, Dougwas. B-By my wife- +And I dawe *shuffles closer* weww maintain it with my wife- +If weww-wespected h-honyouw bid *blushes* me on +I howd as >w< wittwe *looks at you* counsew w-with weak f-feaw +As you, m-my wowd, ow any Scot ^w^ that this day wives. +Wet it be seen to-mowwow in the b-battwe +Which of us feaws. +Doug. Yea, ow to-nyight. +Vew. Content. +;;w;; Hot. To-nyight, say I. +Come, come, it may nyot :3 be. I wondew m-much, +Being men of such gweat weading as you awe, +That you fowesee n-nyot what impediments +xDD Dwag b-back ouw expedition. C-Cewtain howse +Of my >w< cousin V-Vewnyon's awe nyot *hugs tightly* yet c-come up. +*looks away* Youw u-uncwe Wowcestew's :3 howse :33 came but to-day; +And nyow t-theiw pwide and mettwe is asweep, +Theiw couwage *hugs tightly* with hawd ^w^ wabouw tame and duww, +That nyot a-a howse is hawf the hawf of OwO himsewf. +Hot. So awe the howses o-of the enyemy, +In genyewaw jouwnyey-bated and bwought wow. +*blushes* The b-bettew pawt of ouws awe fuww of west. +Wow. *twerks* The *sighs* nyumbew of *leans over* the >w< King e-exceedeth ouws. +*cuddles you* Fow God's sake, cousin, *teleports behind you* stay tiww aww come in. + +The twumpet sounds a pawwey. + +E-Entew Siw Wawtew *teleports behind you* Bwunt. + +x3 Bwunt. I come with gwacious offews fwom >_< the King, +If you v-vouchsafe me heawing and wespect. +Hot. Wewcome, Siw Wawtew Bwunt, and wouwd ^-^ to God +You wewe of ouw detewminyation! +Some of us wove you w-weww; and e-even t-those some +Envy *hugs tightly* youw gweat desewvings and good nyame, +Because you awe nyot of ouw quawity, +But stand against us wike an *cries* enyemy. +Bwunt. And God defend but stiww UwU I shouwd s-stand so, +So wong as out of wimit and twue *screams* wuwe +You stand *cuddles you* against anyointed majesty! +But to my chawge. T-The K-King hath sent to k-knyow +The nyatuwe *looks away* of youw *screams* gwiefs; and wheweupon +Y-You conjuwe fwom >_< the OwO bweast of civiw peace +:3 Such bowd hostiwity, teaching his duteous *teleports behind you* wand +Audacious cwuewty. ^-^ If that the King +Have a-any way youw g-good desewts fowgot, +*sighs* Which he confesseth to be manyifowd, +He b-bids x3 you n-nyame youw gwiefs, and with aww speed +You shaww have *sweats* youw desiwes with intewest, +And *leans over* pawdon absowute fow youwsewf and these +Hewein miswed by y-youw suggestion. +Hot. The King is kind; a-and weww we knyow the King +Knyows at what time to pwomise, when to pay. +My *notices bulge* fathew a-and my uncwe *notices bulge* and mysewf +Did xDD give h-him *giggles shyly* that same woyawty he weaws; +And when he was nyot uWu six-and-twenty s-stwong, +Sick in the wowwd's wegawd, wwetched and wow, +A poow unminded outwaw snyeaking home, +My fathew gave him wewcome to the showe; +And when he heawd him sweaw and vow to God +H-He came but to be Duke of Wancastew, +To sue his *twerks* wivewy and beg his peace, +With teaws ;;w;; of innyocency and tewms of zeaw, +My fathew, i-in kind h-heawt and pity mov'd, +Swowe *giggles shyly* him assistance, and pewfowmed it too. +Nyow, when the wowds and bawons of the weawm +Pewceiv'd Nyowthumbewwand did wean to him, +The mowe and wess c-came in with cap and knyee; +*leans over* Met him on bowoughs, cities, viwwages, +Attended him on ^w^ bwidges, stood *screams* in wanyes, +Waid gifts befowe him, pwoffew'd him theiw oaths, +Give him theiw heiws as xDD pages, fowwowed >w< him +Even :3 at the heews in gowden UwU muwtitudes. +He p-pwesentwy, as *looks away* gweatnyess knyows itsewf, +Steps me a wittwe highew than his vow +^.^ Made to my fathew, OwO whiwe *teleports behind you* his bwood was poow, +Upon the n-nyaked showe at Wavenspuwgh; +And nyow, *hugs tightly* fowsooth, takes on him to wefowm +Some cewtain edicts *cries* and some stwait *screams* decwees +That wie too heavy on the commonweawth; +Cwies out upon abuses, seems to weep +O-Ovew his countwy's w-wwongs; and by this face, +*giggles shyly* This seeming ^.^ bwow of justice, did he win +^w^ The heawts o-of aww that he did angwe fow; +Pwoceeded f-fuwthew- cut me off the heads +O-Of *twerks* aww the favouwites that the absent King +In deputation weft behind him hewe +W-When he w-was pewsonyaw in t-the Iwish waw. +But. Tut! I came nyot to heaw this. +^.^ Hot. Then to *twerks* the point. +In showt *giggles shyly* time aftew wie depos'd the King; +Soon aftew t-that depwiv'd him of *sweats* his wife; +And *hugs tightly* in the nyeck of that ^.^ task'd the whowe state; +To m-make that wowse, s-suff'wed his kinsman Mawch +(Who is, if evewy ownyew wewe weww pwacid, +Indeed *screams* his king) to be engag'd in Wawes, +Thewe without *blushes* wansom to w-wie fowfeited; +Disgwac'd m-me in *giggles shyly* my happy victowies, +Sought t-to entwap me by intewwigence; +Wated minye uncwe fwom *looks at you* the Counciw *blushes* boawd; +In wage dismiss'd my *sweats* fathew >_< fwom the couwt; +Bwoke an oath on oath, *cuddles you* committed wwong on wwong; +And in concwusion dwove us to seek o-out +This h-head o-of s-safety, and uWu withaw uWu to *cuddles you* pwy +^w^ Into his titwe, the which we find +Too indiwect fow wong continyuance. +Bwunt. Shaww I w-wetuwn this *cries* answew *blushes* to the King? +Hot. Nyot so, Siw Wawtew. We'ww withdwaw *notices bulge* awhiwe. +:33 Go *looks at you* to the King; *notices bulge* and wet t-thewe be impawn'd +Some suwety fow a safe wetuwn again, +A-And In the mownying eawwy shaww minye ;;w;; uncwe +Bwing him ouw *shuffles closer* puwposes; and so faweweww. +B-Bwunt. *blushes* I wouwd you wouwd accept of gwace and wove. +Hot. And may be s-so *screams* we shaww. +Bwunt. Pway G-God you do. +Exeunt. + + + + +uWu Scenye IV. +Yowk. ^w^ The Awchbishop's Pawace. + +Entew the Awchbishop of Yowk and Siw Michaew. + +Awch. Hie, *notices bulge* good Siw Michaew; beaw this seawed *leans over* bwief +^.^ With winged >_< haste to UwU the Wowd Mawshaw; +*sweats* This to my cousin Scwoop; and aww the west +To whom t-they awe diwected. I-If uWu you knyew +*looks at you* How much they do impowt, y-you wouwd m-make >_> haste. +xDD Siw M. My UwU good w-wowd, +I guess t-theiw tenyouw. +Awch. Wike enyough you d-do. +>_> To-mowwow, good Siw :33 Michaew, i-is *moans* a day +Whewein the f-fowtunye of ten thousand men +Must bide t-the touch; fow, siw, at Shwewsbuwy, +^.^ As I am twuwy given to undewstand, +The King with mighty and *cuddles you* quick-waised powew +Meets with Wowd Hawwy; and I *notices bulge* feaw, Siw Michaew, +What with *looks at you* the sicknyess of *cries* Nyowthumbewwand, +Whose powew was in the fiwst pwopowtion, +And what with Owen G-Gwendowew's absence thence, +Who with them was a *shuffles closer* wated sinyew *giggles shyly* too +And comes nyot in, ovewwuw'd by pwophecies- +I feaw the powew of Pewcy is too w-weak +To wage an i-instant t-twiaw with the King. +>_< Siw M-M. Why, my good wowd, *screams* you nyeed nyot f-feaw; +Thewe is *giggles shyly* Dougwas a-and Wowd Mowtimew. +:3 Awch. N-Nyo, *twerks* Mowtimew is nyot thewe. +Siw M. But thewe is Mowdake, Vewnyon, Wowd Hawwy Pewcy, +And thewe is my Wowd OwO of Wowcestew, and a head +Of gawwant wawwiows, nyobwe gentwemen. +Awch. And so thewe is; but yet the King hath dwawn +T-The speciaw head *sweats* of *shuffles closer* aww the wand t-togethew- +The Pwince of ^-^ Wawes, *leans over* Wowd John of :3 Wancastew, +The n-nyobwe Westmowewand and wawwike Bwunt, +And many m-moe c-cowwivaws and *teleports behind you* deaw *twerks* men +Of estimation and command in awms. +Siw M. Doubt nyot, *blushes* my wowd, they x3 shaww be weww oppos'd. +Awch. I hope nyo >w< wess, yet nyeedfuw 'tis to feaw; +*twerks* And, to ^.^ pwevent the ^.^ wowst, Siw Michaew, speed. +Fow if Wowd Pewcy thwive *shuffles closer* nyot, ewe the *cries* King +Dismiss *looks at you* his powew, he means to visit us, +Fow he ;;w;; hath h-heawd of *looks at you* ouw confedewacy, +*sighs* And 'tis but wisdom t-to make stwong against him. +Thewefowe make haste. I must go wwite again +T-To o-othew fwiends; and s-so f-faweweww, Siw Michaew. +Exeunt. + + + + +<> + + + +ACT V. *pokes you* Scenye I-I. +>_< The King's camp nyeaw Shwewsbuwy. + +E-Entew the King, Pwince *blushes* of Wawes, Wowd John of W-Wancastew, >w< Siw Wawtew Bwunt, +Fawstaff. + +King. How bwoodiwy the sun begins to ^.^ peew +Above yon b-busky *cuddles you* hiww! The day wooks pawe +At his distemp'watuwe. +Pwince. The ^w^ southewn wind +Doth pway the twumpet to h-his :33 puwposes +x3 And by his howwow *cuddles you* whistwing in the weaves +Fowetewws a tempest and a-a bwust'wing day. +King. Theft with the wosews wet it sympathize, +Fow nyothing can seem fouw ^.^ to *hugs tightly* those that w-win. + +The uWu twumpet sounds. Entew W-Wowcestew [and Vewnyon]. + +H-How, nyow, my Wowd of Wowcestew? 'Tis nyot weww +T-That you and I-I :3 shouwd meet upon such tewms +As nyow we meet. You *pokes you* have deceiv'd *moans* ouw twust +And made us *giggles shyly* doff ouw easy *teleports behind you* wobes o-of peace +T-To c-cwush ouw owd wimbs in u-ungentwe steew. +This is nyot weww, my wowd; this is nyot weww. +What *sweats* say you to *teleports behind you* it? Wiww you again unknyit +OwO This c-chuwwish knyot ^-^ of aww-abhowwed *moans* waw, +And move in that obedient owb again +Whewe xDD you d-did give a faiw and nyatuwaw *looks at you* wight, +And *giggles shyly* be nyo mowe an exhaw'd meteow, +A pwodigy of feaw, and a powtent +Of bwoached mischief to the unbown times? +W-Wow. Heaw me, my wiege. +Fow minye o-own pawt, I couwd be weww c-content +To entewtain the wag-end of my wife +With quiet UwU houws; fow I do pwotest +I have nyot sought the d-day of >_> this diswike. +King. You have *cuddles you* nyot sought it! H-How comes uWu it then, +Faw. Webewwion way in his way, and he found i-it. +P-Pwince. Peace, chewet, peace! +Wow. It pweas'd y-youw Majesty to tuwn youw *sighs* wooks +Of favouw fwom mysewf a-and aww ouw house; +*moans* And yet >w< I must wemembew you, my uWu wowd, +We wewe the fiwst and deawest of youw fwiends. +F-Fow you my staff of office did I bweak +*cries* In Wichawd's time, and posted day >w< and nyight +To meet *looks away* you on the way and kiss youw hand +When yet you wewe in pwace *sweats* and in ^w^ account +Nyothing so stwong and fowtunyate as I. +It was mysewf, m-my bwothew, a-and his son +That bwought you home and x3 bowdwy *leans over* did outdawe +The dangews *notices bulge* of the time. You swowe to us, +^w^ And y-you did sweaw that oath at Doncastew, +That you did nyothing puwpose 'gainst the state, +Nyow cwaim nyo fuwthew than *looks away* youw nyew-faww'n wight, +*pokes you* The seat of Gaunt, dukedom of Wancastew. +To this we swowe o-ouw aid. But in showt space +xDD It it wain'd uWu down fowtunye show'wing on youw head, +And such a fwood of :3 gweatnyess feww on *hugs tightly* you- +What with ouw h-hewp, what with the *shuffles closer* absent King, +^.^ What *looks at you* with t-the injuwies of a-a w-wanton time, +The seeming s-suffewances that you had bownye, +And the contwawious *notices bulge* winds *sweats* that hewd *hugs tightly* the King +So wong in his unwucky Iwish w-waws +That a-aww in *sweats* Engwand *sighs* did wepute h-him dead- +^-^ And fwom this swawm *giggles shyly* of faiw advantages +You took occasion to be q-quickwy woo'd +To gwipe the genyewaw sway into youw hand; +*blushes* Fowgot youw oath to us a-at ^w^ Doncastew; +And, being fed by us, *sighs* you *sweats* us'd us so +As that ungentwe guww, :3 the cuckoo's biwd, +*looks away* Useth UwU the spawwow- d-did *leans over* oppwess ouw nyest; +Gwew, by ouw feeding to s-so gweat a buwk +That *shuffles closer* even ouw wove thiwst nyot come nyeaw >w< youw sight +Fow feaw of s-swawwowing; but with nyimbwe *twerks* wing +We wewe enfowc'd fow safety sake to fwy +Out of youw sight and waise this pwesent head; +W-Wheweby we stand opposed b-by such means +As you y-youwsewf have fowg'd against youwsewf +By unkind usage, dangewous countenyance, +And viowation of aww faith and twoth +Swown to tis in youw youngew e-entewpwise. +King. These things, i-indeed, you have awticuwate, +x3 Pwocwaim'd at mawket cwosses, wead in chuwches, +To face the *hugs tightly* gawment of webewwion +With some finye *sighs* cowouw that may pwease the eye +Of fickwe *shuffles closer* changewings and poow discontents, +Which *giggles shyly* gape and ^w^ wub the *teleports behind you* ewbow at the *screams* nyews +Of huwwybuwwy i-innyovation. +And nyevew yet did insuwwection want +Such watew cowouws to impaint his cause, +Nyow *looks at you* moody b-beggaws, stawving fow a time +Of peww-meww havoc a-and confusion. +Pwince. I-In both *cries* ouw awmies thewe is many *shuffles closer* a souw +Shaww *cries* pay fuww deawwy f-fow this encountew, +If once they join in twiaw. Teww youw nyephew +The Pwince of Wawes doth j-join with aww ^-^ the wowwd +In pwaise of H-Henwy Pewcy. By my hopes, +This pwesent entewpwise set off his head, +I do nyot think a bwavew gentweman, +Mowe active-vawiant ow m-mowe vawiant-young, +Mowe dawing ow mowe b-bowd, is nyow awive +^-^ To gwace *sighs* this wattew age with nyobwe deeds. +F-Fow my pawt, I may ^w^ speak it to my shame, +I have *shuffles closer* a twuant been t-to chivawwy; +And so >w< I h-heaw he doth account me *pokes you* too. +Yet *cuddles you* this b-befowe my fathew's Majesty- +:33 I a-am content that he >_< shaww take the odds +Of h-his gweat n-nyame and estimation, +And wiww to s-save the bwood on eithew side, +Twy f-fowtunye ^w^ with him in a singwe fight. +King. And, Pwince of Wawes, so d-dawe we ventuwe thee, +A-Awbeit c-considewations infinyite +*leans over* Do make against it. Nyo, good W-Wowcestew, *cuddles you* nyo! +We wove ouw peopwe weww; even those we wove +That awe miswed u-upon youw *pokes you* cousin's pawt; +And, wiww they take the offew of ouw gwace, +Both he, a-and they, and you, yea, e-evewy UwU man +Shaww be my *hugs tightly* fwiend again, and I'ww be his. +So *looks at you* teww *twerks* youw c-cousin, and bwing me wowd +What he *teleports behind you* wiww d-do. But uWu if he wiww *teleports behind you* nyot yiewd, +Webuke and dwead cowwection wait on us, +And they shaww do theiw office. So be gonye. +*shuffles closer* We w-wiww nyot nyow be twoubwed with wepwy. +We offew faiw; take it *screams* advisedwy. +Exit Wowcestew [with Vewnyon] +Pwince. It w-wiww >_< nyot be accepted, on my wife. +The D-Dougwas and the *notices bulge* Hotspuw both :33 togethew +Awe confident against the ;;w;; wowwd in awms. +King. Hence, *giggles shyly* thewefowe, evewy weadew to his ^.^ chawge; +Fow, on theiw a-answew, wiww w-we set ^w^ on them, +A-And God befwiend us as *moans* ouw >_< cause is *looks away* just! +:33 Exeunt. Manyent Pwince, Fawstaff. +Faw. Haw, i-if thou see me d-down i-in :3 the battwe and bestwide me, ^-^ so! +'Tis *looks away* a p-point of fwiendship. +Pwince. Nyothing b-but a Cowossus can do *teleports behind you* thee that OwO fwiendship. +Say t-thy pwayews, and faweweww. +F-Faw. I wouwd x3 'twewe bedtime, Haw, and *giggles shyly* aww weww. +Pwince. Why, thou UwU owest God a death. +:3 Exit. +uWu Faw. 'Tis nyot due yet. I wouwd be woath to pay him befowe >_> his day. +*teleports behind you* What nyeed I be so fowwawd with him t-that cawws n-nyot on me? Weww, +'tis nyo mattew; >w< honyouw pwicks me on. Yea, but h-how if xDD honyouw pwick +me off when I come on? H-How t-then? Can honyow :33 set to >_> a weg? Nyo. Ow +an awm? Nyo. Ow *cuddles you* take away the gwief of a w-wound? Nyo. Honyouw hath nyo +skiww i-in suwgewy then? Nyo. What is honyouw? A wowd. *looks away* What *cuddles you* is that +wowd *hugs tightly* honyouw? Aiw. A twim weckonying! Who hath *sighs* it? H-He that died a +Wednyesday. Doth he feew i-it? Nyo. Doth *cuddles you* be *sighs* beaw it? Nyo. *pokes you* 'Tis +i-insensibwe UwU then? Yea, to the dead. But wiww it nyot wive with the +wiving? Nyo. W-Why? Detwaction wiww nyot s-suffew i-it. Thewefowe I'ww +nyonye of it. Honyouw is a mewe scutcheon- and so *shuffles closer* ends *screams* my catechism. +Exit. + + + + +Scenye I-II. +The webew camp. + +Entew *teleports behind you* Wowcestew and Siw Wichawd *notices bulge* Vewnyon. + +Wow. O-O n-nyo, my nyephew must ^.^ nyot knyow, Siw *looks at you* Wichawd, +The wibewaw *looks away* and kind offew of t-the King. +*hugs tightly* Vew. 'Twewe b-best he did. +*looks at you* Wow. *cries* Then a-awe w-we *leans over* aww undonye. +It *looks at you* is nyot possibwe, it c-cannyot be +The King shouwd keep his wowd in woving u-us. +He wiww suspect us stiww a-and find *twerks* a time +T-To punyish t-this offence in othew fauwts. +Suspicion aww ouw wives s-shaww be stuck fuww of eyes; +*shuffles closer* Fow tweason is but twusted wike ;;w;; the fox +Who, n-nye'ew so tame, >_> so chewish'd a-and wock'd u-up, +Wiww have a wiwd twick *sweats* of his ancestows. +Wook how we can, ow sad o-ow m-mewwiwy, +Intewpwetation wiww misquote ouw wooks, +And *sighs* we s-shaww f-feed wike :3 oxen at a staww, +The bettew chewish'd, ;;w;; stiww the nyeawew death. +My n-nyephew's twespass may be weww fowgot; +I-It hath the excuse of youth and *sweats* heat of bwood, +A-And an adopted nyame of *screams* pwiviwege- +A hawe-bwainyed Hotspuw govewn'd by a-a spween. +Aww his offences wive upon my h-head +*moans* And on his fathew's. We did twain h-him on; +And, his cowwuption being taken fwom us, +We, as *teleports behind you* the spwing UwU of aww, *shuffles closer* shaww p-pay fow aww. +Thewefowe, good ^w^ cousin, wet *giggles shyly* nyot Hawwy knyow, +In uWu any case, the offew ^-^ of the King. + +Entew Hotspuw [and Dougwas]. + +Vew. Dewivew *notices bulge* what you wiww, I'ww *teleports behind you* say 'tis so. +Hewe comes youw >_> cousin. +x3 Hot. *screams* My ^-^ uncwe is >_< wetuwn'd. +Dewivew up my W-Wowd *twerks* of Westmowewand. +U-Uncwe, what nyews? +Wow. The King UwU wiww bid you ;;w;; battwe p-pwesentwy. +Doug. Defy him UwU by t-the Wowd Of W-Westmowewand. +Hot. Wowd D-Dougwas, go you and teww him *looks away* so. +Doug. Mawwy, and *pokes you* shaww, and vewy wiwwingwy. +Exit. +Wow. Thewe i-is *blushes* nyo seeming *teleports behind you* mewcy in t-the King. +Hot. Did y-you ^w^ beg any, God ^w^ fowbid! +Wow. I towd him gentwy of *hugs tightly* ouw g-gwievances, +Of his o-oath-bweaking; w-which he m-mended thus, +*sighs* By *looks away* nyow fowsweawing *cries* that he is fowswown. +;;w;; He cawws us w-webews, twaitows, aid wiww scouwge +With haughty awms ^.^ this hatefuw nyame in uWu us. + +Entew Dougwas. + +Doug. Awm, gentwemen! to awms! ^w^ fow I have thwown +A bwave d-defiance in King Henwy's teeth, +And x3 Westmowewand, that was engag'd, *moans* did beaw it; +Which cannyot *sighs* choose but bwing him q-quickwy on. +W-Wow. The Pwince of W-Wawes stepp'd fowth b-befowe the K-King +And, nyephew, c-chawweng'd you t-to s-singwe *giggles shyly* fight. +Hot. O, wouwd the *screams* quawwew w-way upon ouw heads, +And *shuffles closer* that nyo m-man might dwaw s-showt bweath to-day +But I and Hawwy Monmouth! >w< Teww me, teww m-me, +How show'd his tasking? Seem'd i-it in contempt? +Nyo, by my souw. I nyevew in m-my wife +D-Did heaw a chawwenge uwg'd mowe modestwy, +U-Unwess a bwothew :3 shouwd a bwothew d-dawe +T-To gentwe e-exewcise and *looks away* pwoof of awms. +UwU He gave you aww the duties of a man; +Twimm'd x3 up youw pwaises with a pwincewy tongue; +Spoke youw desewvings ;;w;; wike a chwonyicwe; +Making you evew bettew than his p-pwaise +By stiww dispwaising pwaise uWu vawued *notices bulge* with you; +And, which became *pokes you* him wike a p-pwince indeed, +He m-made a bwushing citaw >_< of himsewf, +And chid his t-twuant *screams* youth with such a gwace +A-As if wie mast'wed thewe a doubwe spiwit +Of teaching and of *leans over* weawnying instantwy. +Thewe OwO did he ^.^ pause; but wet me teww *pokes you* the wowwd, +If he outwive the envy of *leans over* this day, +Engwand *hugs tightly* did nyevew o-owe s-so :33 sweet xDD a hope, +So much misconstwued in his wantonnyess. +Hot. *blushes* Cousin, I think thou awt enyamouwed +Upon his fowwies. Nyevew did I >_> heaw +O-Of any pwince so wiwd a w-wibewtinye. +But be he as he wiww, yet once ewe nyight +I wiww embwace h-him with a sowdiew's awm, +That he shaww shwink undew my couwtesy. +A-Awm, awm *screams* with speed! and, fewwows, sowdiews, fwiends, +Bettew considew what you have to do +Than I, t-that have nyot weww UwU the gift of tongue, +Can wift youw bwood >_> up with pewsuasion. + +Entew a Messengew. + +Mess. My w-wowd, hewe awe wettews fow you. +Hot. *twerks* I xDD cannyot wead them nyow.- +OwO O gentwemen, t-the time of ^.^ wife is showt! +To *notices bulge* spend that showtnyess basewy wewe too wong +I-If ^.^ wife did wide upon a *looks away* diaw's point, +*sighs* Stiww ending at the awwivaw of an houw. +An if w-we wive, we wive to twead on kings; +If die, b-bwave death, when pwinces die with us! +N-Nyow fow o-ouw *notices bulge* consciences, t-the awms awe faiw, +When t-the intent of beawing them is just. + +Entew anyothew Messengew. + +Mess. My w-wowd, pwepawe. The King comes on apace. +Hot. *giggles shyly* I thank x3 him that h-he cuts me fwom m-my tawe, +>_< Fow I pwofess nyot tawking. Onwy this- +W-Wet each man do his best; and hewe *twerks* dwaw *twerks* I +A swowd whose tempew ^.^ I i-intend to stain +*cuddles you* With *moans* the *pokes you* best bwood that I can m-meet w-withaw +In the adventuwe of this pewiwous day. +Nyow, *screams* Espewance! Pewcy! and set on. +Sound aww the wofty instwuments of waw, +And by that music wet us aww embwace; +Fow, heaven to eawth, some of us nyevew *shuffles closer* shaww +A second time do x3 such a couwtesy. +Hewe they embwace. The twumpets sound. +^w^ [Exeunt.] + + + + +Scenye III. +Pwain between the camps. + +The King *looks away* entews w-with his *giggles shyly* Powew. Awawum ^.^ to the battwe. Then entew Dougwas +and Siw Wawtew Bwunt. + +Bwunt. *shuffles closer* What is t-thy nyame, *screams* that i-in uWu the battwe thus +Thou cwossest *hugs tightly* me? What honyouw d-dost t-thou s-seek +uWu Upon my h-head? +Doug. *twerks* Knyow then my nyame is Dougwas, +And I do haunt thee in the UwU battwe thus +Because x3 some teww me t-that thou *shuffles closer* awt a king. +Bwunt. T-They t-teww thee twue. +OwO Doug. The Wowd of *cries* Staffowd ^w^ deaw to-day hath bought +UwU Thy wikenyess; fow instead of thee, King Hawwy, +This swowd hath *leans over* ended him. So shaww it thee, +*looks at you* Unwess thou yiewd thee a-as my pwisonyew. +*blushes* Bwunt. I was nyot bown a *teleports behind you* yiewdew, t-thou pwoud Scot; +And OwO thou shawt *notices bulge* find a *twerks* king that wiww w-wevenge +Wowd Staffowd's death. + +*hugs tightly* They f-fight. Dougwas kiwws x3 Bwunt. ^.^ Then entew Hotspuw. + +Hot. O Dougwas, hadst thou fought at Howmedon thus, +I nyevew *pokes you* had twiumph'd *looks at you* upon a-a Scot. +D-Doug. Aww's :3 donye, aww's won. Hewe bweathwess *blushes* wies the King. +Hot. W-Whewe? +*cuddles you* Doug. Hewe. +Hot. This, Dougwas? Nyo. *notices bulge* I knyow this face fuww weww. +A gawwant knyight he was, his nyame was B-Bwunt; +Sembwabwy f-fuwnyish'd wike t-the King himsewf. +Doug. A foow go with t-thy souw, whithew i-it g-goes! +A-A bowwowed titwe hast thou bought too deaw: +Why didst thou OwO teww me that thou wewt a k-king? +Hot. The King hath UwU many mawching in h-his c-coats. +Doug. Nyow, by my swowd, I wiww kiww aww h-his coats; +I'ww muwdew aww his wawdwop, piece by piece, +Untiw I m-meet *looks away* the K-King. +Hot. U-Up and away! +O-Ouw s-sowdiews stand fuww faiwwy f-fow the day. +Exeunt. + +*pokes you* Awawum. Entew Fawstaff sowus. + +Faw. Though I couwd scape shot-fwee at *cries* Wondon, I feaw *giggles shyly* the shot +:3 hewe. Hewe's nyo scowing but upon the p-pate. *leans over* Soft! who a-awe y-you? +Siw Wawtew Bwunt. Thewe's honyouw fow you! Hewe's nyo vanyity! I am +as hot a-as mowten wead, and as h-heavy t-too. God keep :33 wead *teleports behind you* out of me! +*screams* I nyeed nyo m-mowe weight than minye own bowews. I have wed my +wag-of-muffins whewe they uWu awe peppew'd. Thewe's nyot thwee of ^w^ my +hundwed and fifty weft awive; a-and they *leans over* awe fow the town's uWu end, to +beg *hugs tightly* duwing wife. But who comes hewe? + +Entew the Pwince. + +Pwince. What, stand'st thou >_< idwe hewe? Wend me thy swowd. +Many a-a ^-^ nyobweman wies stawk and stiff +Undew the hoofs of vaunting e-enyemies, +Whose deaths awe yet unweveng'd. I pwithee +Wend >_< me thy swowd. +Faw. O Haw, I pwithee *giggles shyly* give m-me weave to bweathe uWu awhiwe. Tuwk Gwegowy +nyevew did such d-deeds in a-awms as I *hugs tightly* have *looks away* donye t-this day. *shuffles closer* I *hugs tightly* have paid +Pewcy; I h-have made him suwe. +Pwince. He >_< is indeed, and wiving to kiww *shuffles closer* thee. +I pwithee wend me thy swowd. +Faw. Nyay, befowe God, OwO Haw, if Pewcy be awive, t-thou get'st nyot my +swowd; but take my pistow, if thou wiwt. +Pwince. Give >_< it me. What, is it in *blushes* the case? +Faw. Ay, Haw. 'Tis hot, 'tis hot. Thewe's that wiww sack *shuffles closer* a city. + +*moans* The Pwince dwaws it out and *cuddles you* finds it to he a bottwe of sack. + +W-What, is it a time ^w^ to jest and d-dawwy nyow? +He uWu thwows ^w^ the bottwe at him. *pokes you* Exit. +*cuddles you* Faw. Weww, if *notices bulge* Pewcy be ^w^ awive, I'ww >w< piewce him. If he do come in my +way, so; if he d-do nyot, if I c-come in *cries* his wiwwingwy, w-wet him *notices bulge* make a +cawbonyado of me. I wike n-nyot such gwinnying h-honyouw as Siw Wawtew +hath. Give me wife; which if I can save, so; *leans over* if nyot, honyouw comes +unwook'd fow, and thewe's an end. Exit. + + + + +Scenye ^-^ IV. +Anyothew pawt of the uWu fiewd. + +Awawum. Excuwsions. Entew *leans over* the *hugs tightly* King, the Pwince, Wowd x3 John o-of Wancastew, +Eaww of Westmowewand + +King. I pwithee, +Hawwy, >_< withdwaw *pokes you* thysewf; *cries* thou bweedest too much. +Wowd John *shuffles closer* of Wancastew, *pokes you* go you u-unto h-him. +John. N-Nyot I, my wowd, *hugs tightly* unwess I-I did bweed too. +Pwince. I-I do xDD beseech youw Majesty make up, +uWu West *cries* Youw wetiwement do *sighs* amaze *cuddles you* youw fwiends. +King. I-I wiww do so. +M-My Wowd of W-Westmowewand, wead him to *giggles shyly* his t-tent. +West. Come, m-my wowd, I'ww *cries* wead you to ;;w;; youw t-tent. +Pwince. Wead me, m-my xDD wowd, I do nyot n-nyeed ^-^ youw hewp; +And *cuddles you* God fowbid a s-shawwow scwatch *looks away* shouwd dwive +The Pwince of Wawes f-fwom such a fiewd as this, +Whewe :33 stain'd nyobiwity wies twodden on, +And webews' awms t-twiumph in m-massacwes! +John. We bweathe too wong. *screams* Come, cousin Westmowewand, +Ouw duty this way wies. F-Fow God's sake, come. +[Exeunt Pwince John and Westmowewand.] +Pwince. By God, thou h-hast deceiv'd me, Wancastew! +I d-did nyot think thee w-wowd of such a-a spiwit. +Befowe, I-I wov'd thee as a bwothew, :33 John; +But nyow, I do wespect t-thee as my souw. +King. *hugs tightly* I saw h-him howd W-Wowd xDD Pewcy a-at the point +With wustiew maintenyance than x3 I UwU did wook fow +Of such an ungwown *hugs tightly* wawwiow. +*sweats* Pwince. O, t-this boy +Wends mettwe t-to us aww! Exit. + +*sweats* Entew Dougwas. + +D-Doug. Anyothew king? They gwow wike Hydwa's heads. +I a-am uWu the Dougwas, fataw to aww those +That weaw those cowouws on UwU them. What awt thou +T-That OwO countewfeit'st the pewson of a *moans* king? +King. The King ;;w;; himsewf, who, Dougwas, gwieves at heawt +So many of h-his *looks away* shadows thou :3 hast m-met, +And n-nyot the >w< vewy *looks away* King. I have two b-boys +Seek Pewcy and thysewf about the :3 fiewd; +But, seeing *sweats* thou faww'st o-on me :3 so wuckiwy, +I w-wiww assay thee. S-So defend thysewf. +Doug. I feaw thou awt a-anyothew countewfeit; +And yet, i-in faith, thou :3 beawest thee wike a-a king. +But minye I am s-suwe ^-^ thou a-awt, w-whoe'ew thou be, +And *blushes* thus I win thee. + +*sighs* They fight. The King being in dangew, entew Pwince of Wawes. + +*notices bulge* Pwince. Howd *looks away* up thy head, UwU viwe OwO Scot, o-ow >_> thou awt wike +Nyevew to howd it up again! :33 The spiwits +Of vawiant Shiwwey, ^w^ Staffowd, Bwunt awe in my :3 awms. +I-It is the *sweats* Pwince of Wawes that thweatens thee, +Who nyevew pwomiseth ^w^ but he means x3 to ^-^ pay. +They fight. Dougwas *shuffles closer* fwieth. +*cuddles you* Cheewwy, my wowd. How fawes youw G-Gwace? +Siw Nyichowas Gawsey hath fow succouw sent, +And so hath Cwifton. I'ww to Cwifton s-stwaight. +King. Stay a-and bweathe >w< awhiwe. +Thou h-hast wedeem'd thy wost opinyion, +A-And s-show'd thou mak'st *leans over* some tendew *shuffles closer* of my wife, +In this faiw w-wescue thou hast bwought to m-me. +Pwince. O *moans* God! *cuddles you* they did me too *hugs tightly* much injuwy +That evew s-said I heawk'nyed fow youw death. +If it *twerks* wewe s-so, *shuffles closer* I m-might have wet awonye +The insuwting h-hand of D-Dougwas ovew you, +Which wouwd have been as speedy in youw end +As a-aww the poisonyous potions in the wowwd, +And sav'd the tweachewous wabouw of youw son. +x3 King. :3 Make up *leans over* to Cwifton; ^w^ I'ww to Siw *pokes you* Nyichowas Gawsey. +*cries* Exit. + +Entew H-Hotspuw. + +Hot. If I-I mistake nyot, thou awt Hawwy Monmouth. +Pwince. T-Thou speak'st as if I wouwd deny *sighs* my nyame. +Hot. My nyame is *pokes you* Hawwy Pewcy. +P-Pwince. Why, then *blushes* I see +*pokes you* A vewy vawiant webew o-of the nyame. +I am the Pwince of Wawes; and think nyot, P-Pewcy, +To shawe with me in gwowy any *sighs* mowe. +Two staws keep nyot theiw motion in onye s-sphewe, +N-Nyow can onye Engwand bwook a doubwe ^.^ weign +O-Of *sighs* Hawwy Pewcy and the Pwince of Wawes. +Hot. Nyow *looks away* shaww it, ^-^ Hawwy; >_< fow the houw is come +T-To end the onye of us and wouwd >_< to God +Thy nyame i-in a-awms wewe nyow as gweat as minye! +*looks at you* Pwince. I'ww make i-it gweatew ewe I pawt fwom t-thee, +And aww the budding honyouws on *moans* thy xDD cwest +I'ww cwop to m-make a gawwand fow m-my head. +Hot. I can nyo *cries* wongew b-bwook thy :3 vanyities. +They f-fight. + +Entew Fawstaff. + +>_> Faw. Weww s-said, H-Haw! to it, Haw! Nyay, you s-shaww find nyo boy's pway +hewe, I-I can teww y-you. + +Entew D-Dougwas. He fighteth with Fawstaff, w-who >w< fawws down as if +he wewe ^w^ dead. [Exit Dougwas.] The Pwince kiwweth Pewcy. + +Hot. O-O Hawwy, thou *screams* hast :33 wobb'd me of my youth! +I *sighs* bettew b-bwook the >_> woss of bwittwe wife +Than those ^w^ pwoud titwes thou hast won of *hugs tightly* me. +They w-wound my *twerks* thoughts wowse t-than thy swowd my fwesh. +But thoughts the swave, *looks at you* of wife, and wife time's foow, +And time, that takes s-suwvey of aww the wowwd, +Must have a stop. O, I ^w^ couwd pwophesy, +But *leans over* that the eawthy >_> and *sweats* cowd h-hand of d-death +Wies on my tongue. Nyo, Pewcy, t-thou awt >_< dust, +And food fow- [Dies.] +Pwince. Fow wowms, bwave Pewcy. *cries* Fawe thee uWu weww, gweat h-heawt! +Iww-weav'd ambition, x3 how >w< much awt t-thou shwunk! +When that this body did contain a spiwit, +xDD A k-kingdom fow it was too *hugs tightly* smaww a bound; +But nyow two paces of the *sighs* viwest eawth +Is woom enyough. This eawth that beaws thee *screams* dead +Beaws nyot awive so stout a-a gentweman. +If thou wewt sensibwe *blushes* of couwtesy, +I shouwd nyot m-make so *moans* deaw a-a show of *cuddles you* zeaw. +But wet my favouws hide thy mangwed face; +And, even in thy behawf, *screams* I'ww *sweats* thank mysewf +Fow *blushes* doing these faiw w-wites of t-tendewnyess. +Adieu, and take *pokes you* thy *twerks* pwaise with thee to heaven! +Thy ignyominy sweep with thee *hugs tightly* in the gwave, +B-But *leans over* nyot wememb'wed in thy epitaph! +He spieth Fawstaff on the gwound. +W-What, owd acquaintance? Couwd nyot aww *giggles shyly* this fwesh +Keep in *hugs tightly* a wittwe wife? Poow Jack, *leans over* faweweww! +I couwd have bettew spaw'd a *teleports behind you* bettew man. +O-O, I shouwd have a-a heavy miss uWu of thee +If I wewe much in *hugs tightly* wove *hugs tightly* with vanyity! +Death hath nyot stwuck ^w^ so fat a deew t-to-day, +Though *notices bulge* many deawew, in this bwoody fway. +Emboweww'd *teleports behind you* wiww I see thee by-and-by; +Tiww t-then *leans over* in bwood by nyobwe Pewcy wie. Exit. + +Fawstaff wiseth up. + +Faw. Emboweww'd? If thou embowew me to-day, *sighs* I'ww give you weave to +powdew me and eat me too to-mowwow. 'Sbwood, '-'twas *cuddles you* time to +countewfeit, ow that hot tewmagant S-Scot had paid m-me scot and wot +too. Countewfeit? I *teleports behind you* wie; I am n-nyo countewfeit. *sweats* To die >_> is to be a +countewfeit; fow h-he is but the countewfeit of a man who hath nyot +the ^-^ wife of a man; but *moans* to countewfeit dying when a man *teleports behind you* theweby +wiveth, is t-to be nyo countewfeit, but the t-twue and pewfect image +of *cries* wife indeed. The bettew p-pawt of vawouw *looks away* is d-discwetion; i-in the +which b-bettew p-pawt I have s-saved >_> my *leans over* wife. Zounds, I-I am a-afwaid o-of +this *sighs* gunpowdew P-Pewcy, though he be dead. H-How if he shouwd +:3 countewfeit too, and wise? By my *shuffles closer* faith, :3 I am xDD afwaid he wouwd +pwove *blushes* the b-bettew countewfeit. Thewefowe I'ww m-make him suwe; yea, +and I'ww sweaw I kiww'd h-him. Why may *notices bulge* nyot he wise as w-weww as I? +Nyothing confutes me b-but e-eyes, and nyobody s-sees me. Thewefowe, +siwwah [stabs him], with a nyew w-wound *notices bulge* in youw t-thigh, come you +awong w-with *cries* me. + +He ^.^ takes up Hotspuw on his hack. [Entew Pwince, a-and John of +Wancastew. + +Pwince. C-Come, bwothew John; *screams* fuww bwavewy *leans over* hast thou fwesh'd +Thy ^w^ maiden swowd. +John. But, soft! whom have we h-hewe? +D-Did you nyot :3 teww m-me this fat *cuddles you* man *hugs tightly* was dead? +Pwince. I-I did; I saw h-him dead, +:33 Bweathwess and bweeding on the g-gwound. Awt thou awive, +Ow is it *cries* fantasy that pways upon ouw eyesight? +I pwithee speak. We *giggles shyly* wiww nyot *blushes* twust ouw eyes +Without ouw eaws. *looks away* Thou awt nyot what thou s-seem'st. +Faw. Nyo, that's cewtain! I am nyot a doubwe man; but if I be *looks at you* nyot +Jack Fawstaff, then am I a Jack. Thewe 's Pewcy. uWu If youw fathew +w-wiww do me a-any honyouw, so; if nyot, wet *hugs tightly* him kiww the nyext *sighs* Pewcy +himsewf. I-I wook :3 to be eithew eaww ow duke, I can assuwe y-you. +Pwince. Why, Pewcy I kiww'd mysewf, and saw thee dead! +Faw. Didst t-thou? Wowd, ^.^ Wowd, how t-this wowwd is ^.^ given *teleports behind you* to wying! *teleports behind you* I +g-gwant you I was down, and out of bweath, and so was he; but x3 we +>w< wose both at an instant a-and fought a wong houw *leans over* by Shwewsbuwy +cwock. If I may *twerks* be bewiev'd, so; if nyot, *cries* wet them >w< that shouwd +wewawd *notices bulge* vawouw beaw the sin upon theiw own heads. I'ww take it +upon m-my d-death, I *shuffles closer* gave him this wound i-in the thigh. *cuddles you* If t-the man +w-wewe awive and *sweats* wouwd deny :3 it, zounds! I :33 wouwd make him eat a +*looks at you* piece of my swowd. +J-John. This is t-the stwangest tawe *looks at you* that evew I beawd. +P-Pwince. This is the stwangest f-fewwow, bwothew John. +Come, bwing youw wuggage nyobwy on youw back. +F-Fow my pawt, if a-a ^-^ wie m-may do thee g-gwace, +I'ww giwd it with *sweats* the happiest tewms I have. +:33 A w-wetweat is sounded. +The twumpet sounds wetweat; the day is ouws. +*screams* Come, bwothew, w-wet's t-to the highest of the fiewd, +T-To see what *screams* fwiends a-awe wiving, who a-awe dead. +Exeunt [Pwince *sighs* Henwy and Pwince John]. +Faw. I-I'ww *moans* fowwow, as they say, fow wewawd. He that wewawds m-me, God +wewawd him! If I do gwow gweat, I'ww >w< gwow wess; uWu fow I'ww puwge, +and weave sack, and wive cweanwy, OwO as a-a nyobweman shouwd d-do. +Exit [beawing off the body]. + + + + +Scenye V. +x3 Anyothew p-pawt >_< of the fiewd. + +The *looks at you* twumpets sound. [Entew the King, Pwince o-of Wawes, Wowd John of Wancastew, +Eaww of *pokes you* Westmowewand, *pokes you* with Wowcestew and Vewnyon pwisonyews. + +King. Thus e-evew did webewwion find webuke. +I-Iww-spiwited Wowcestew! did nyot we *notices bulge* send gwace, +Pawdon, *looks away* and *leans over* tewms of *hugs tightly* wove to aww of you? +*hugs tightly* And >_> wouwdst thou tuwn ouw offews contwawy? +Misuse the UwU tenyouw of thy kinsman's *notices bulge* twust? +Thwee knyights upon ouw pawty swain >_< to-day, +A *sighs* nyobwe eaww, a-and many a c-cweatuwe ewse +Had been awive this houw, +I-If wike *teleports behind you* a Chwistian t-thou *leans over* hadst ;;w;; twuwy b-bownye +Betwixt ouw awmies twue intewwigence. +Wow. *hugs tightly* What I have donye m-my safety uwg'd me to; +And I embwace this fowtunye patientwy, +:3 Since nyot to b-be avoided it faiws uWu on me. +King. Beaw Wowcestew to *cries* the death, :33 and V-Vewnyon too; +*moans* Othew offendews w-we wiww pause upon. +E-Exeunt Wowcestew and V-Vewnyon, [-[guawded]. +How goes the fiewd? +*looks at you* Pwince. The nyobwe Scot, Wowd *cuddles you* Dougwas, w-when h-he *looks at you* saw +The *hugs tightly* fowtunye *cries* of the day quite :3 tuwn'd fwom him, +>w< The Nyobwe Pewcy swain and a-aww his men +Upon the foot of feaw, fwed with the *looks away* west; +OwO And fawwing fwom a-a hiww,he was so bwuis'd +That the puwsuews took him. *shuffles closer* At my tent +The Dougwas is, and I beseech Youw *looks away* Gwace +I :33 may dispose of him. +xDD King. With *cuddles you* aww my heawt. +Pwince. Then bwothew John of Wancastew, to you +*cuddles you* This honyouwabwe bounty shaww bewong. +Go to the >w< Dougwas and dewivew him +Up *shuffles closer* to his p-pweasuwe, wansomwess and fwee. +:33 His vawouw shown upon o-ouw cwests today +Hath taught us how to chewish *moans* such high ^.^ deeds, +Even ^.^ in *looks away* the bosom of ouw advewsawies. +John. I-I thank youw Gwace fow this high couwtesy, +Which I-I shaww g-give *cries* away immediatewy. +King. Then this wemains, that we divide ouw p-powew. +You, son John, and my cousin Westmowewand, +Towawds *twerks* Yowk shaww b-bend :33 you with youw deawest s-speed +To meet Nyowthumbewwand and the pwewate Scwoop, +Who, as we heaw, awe b-busiwy in a-awms. +Mysewf and you, s-son *moans* Hawwy, wiww towawds >_< Wawes +*teleports behind you* To fight with Gwendowew and the Eaww of Mawch. +Webewwion in this waud shaww wose his sway, +Meeting t-the check of such >w< anyothew *blushes* day; +And since this b-businyess so *pokes you* faiw is donye, +Wet u-us nyot weave tiww aww xDD ouw own be won. +Exeunt. + + +*shuffles closer* THE END + + + +<-<_> BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY PWOJECT GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT O-OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +W-WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE :3 COPIES MAY BE +*sighs* DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS S-SUCH COPIES (-(1) AWE *moans* FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED uWu COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD T-TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1598 + + +SECOND PAWT O-OF KING HENWY IV + +by Wiwwiam OwO Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +WUMOUW, the Pwesentew +*leans over* KING :33 HENWY THE FOUWTH + +HENWY, PWINCE OF WAWES, aftewwawds HENWY +*teleports behind you* PWINCE JOHN OF WANCASTEW +PWINCE *moans* HUMPHWEY OF GWOUCESTEW +*looks at you* THOMAS, DUKE OF CWAWENCE +Sons of Henwy IV + +E-EAWW OF NyOWTHUMBEWWAND +S-SCWOOP, AWCHBISHOP O-OF YOWK +WOWD M-MOWBWAY +WOWD HASTINGS +WOWD BAWDOWPH +SIW JOHN COWVIWWE +TWAVEWS and MOWTON, wetainyews of Nyowthumbewwand +Opposites a-against King Henwy IV + +EAWW OF WAWWICK +E-EAWW *cries* OF WESTMOWEWAND +EAWW OF *shuffles closer* SUWWEY +EAWW OF KENT +GOWEW +*screams* HAWCOUWT +BWUNT +Of :33 the King's pawty + +WOWD CHIEF JUSTICE +*giggles shyly* SEWVANT, *twerks* to Wowd Chief Justice + +S-SIW JOHN FAWSTAFF +EDWAWD P-POINS +B-BAWDOWPH +PISTOW +PETO +I-Iwweguwaw :3 humouwists + +PAGE, t-to *shuffles closer* Fawstaff + +WOBEWT SHAWWOW >_< and SIWENCE, countwy Justices +DAVY, s-sewvant to Shawwow + +FANG and SNyAWE, Shewiff's officews + +W-WAWPH M-MOUWDY +*shuffles closer* SIMON SHADOW +THOMAS *hugs tightly* WAWT +*looks away* FWANCIS FEEBWE +P-PETEW BUWWCAWF +^-^ Countwy *leans over* sowdiews + +^.^ FWANCIS, a d-dwawew + +WADY NyOWTHUMBEWWAND +WADY PEWCY, P-Pewcy's widow +HOSTESS QUICKWY, of the Boaw's Head, Eastcheap +DOWW TEAWSHEET + +>_< WOWDS, Attendants, Powtew, *giggles shyly* Dwawews, Beadwes, Gwooms, Sewvants, +Speakew of *moans* the Epiwogue + +SCENyE: Engwand + +INDUCTION +INDUCTION. +Wawkwowth. *looks at you* Befowe NyOWTHUMBEWWAND'S Castwe + +Entew WUMOUW, p-painted fuww of tongues + +WUMOUW. Open youw eaws; f-fow which of you wiww stop +The v-vent o-of heawing >_> when woud Wumouw speaks? +I, fwom t-the owient to t-the dwooping west, +Making the w-wind x3 my post-howse, stiww u-unfowd +The a-acts commenced o-on this baww of eawth. +Upon my t-tongues continyuaw s-swandews w-wide, +>_< The which in evewy wanguage I pwonyounce, +Stuffing the eaws o-of *cries* men with fawse w-wepowts. +I speak of *twerks* peace whiwe covewt emnyity, +Undew *teleports behind you* the smiwe *looks away* of safety, wounds the wowwd; +A-And who but Wumouw, who but onwy I, +Make feawfuw mustews and pwepaw'd defence, +*sighs* Whiwes the big yeaw, swown *hugs tightly* with some othew gwief, +Is thought with chiwd by UwU the stewn tywant waw, +And n-nyo such m-mattew? Wumouw *cries* is a p-pipe +B-Bwown by suwmises, jeawousies, conjectuwes, +x3 And of ^.^ so e-easy and so pwain a stop +That the b-bwunt *looks away* monstew *looks at you* with uncounted heads, +T-The *leans over* stiww-discowdant wav'wing *sweats* muwtitude, +Can pway upon it. B-But what nyeed I t-thus +My weww-knyown body to anyatomize +Among my h-househowd? Why ;;w;; is Wumouw hewe? +*looks away* I wun befowe King Hawwy's *notices bulge* victowy, +OwO Who, in a bwoody OwO fiewd by Shwewsbuwy, +H-Hath beaten *sighs* down young H-Hotspuw and his xDD twoops, +Quenching x3 the fwame of bowd webewwion +Even with the webews' bwood. But what mean I +To speak s-so twue at fiwst? My office is +To nyoise abwoad that Hawwy *pokes you* Monmouth feww +Undew the wwath of nyobwe *looks away* Hotspuw's swowd, +And that the King befowe the Dougwas' wage +Stoop'd >w< his anyointed head as wow as death. +This h-have I w-wumouw'd thwough the peasant towns +Between t-that woyaw fiewd of Shwewsbuwy +And t-this wowm-eaten h-howd of wagged s-stonye, +Whewe Hotspuw's fathew, owd Nyowthumbewwand, +Wies cwafty-sick. The posts come tiwing xDD on, +*giggles shyly* And nyot a man of ;;w;; them bwings othew nyews +Than they have weawnt of *sweats* me. F-Fwom Wumouw's tongues +T-They bwing smooth comfowts fawse, wowse than twue w-wwongs. +Exit + + + + +<w< INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY P-PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG *pokes you* ETEXT OF *screams* IWWINyOIS x3 BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH *sighs* PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY *shuffles closer* BE +DISTWIBUTED :33 SO W-WONG AS SUCH C-COPIES *leans over* (1) :3 AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND *twerks* (2) A-AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT C-CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD ^.^ TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT I. SCENyE >_< I. +Wawkwowth. Befowe NyOWTHUMBEWWAND'S Castwe + +Entew WOWD B-BAWDOWPH + +WOWD B-BAWDOWPH. W-Who keeps the ^w^ gate *cries* hewe, ho? + +The POWTEW opens the g-gate + +Whewe is the Eaww? +POWTEW. What shaww I say you awe? +WOWD BAWDOWPH. >_< Teww thou *twerks* the Eaww +That the Wowd Bawdowph doth attend him hewe. +POWTEW. His wowdship i-is wawk'd fowth into *screams* the owchawd. +P-Pwease it youw honyouw knyock but at t-the gate, +*looks away* And he himsewf wiww answew. + +Entew NyOWTHUMBEWWAND + +WOWD *looks away* BAWDOWPH. Hewe comes the Eaww. Exit P-POWTEW +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. *notices bulge* What nyews, *teleports behind you* Wowd Bawdowph? Evewy minyute nyow +^.^ Shouwd be the fathew o-of some stwatagem. +The times awe w-wiwd; contention, wike *sweats* a howse +:33 Fuww of high feeding, xDD madwy hath bwoke w-woose +And beaws down aww befowe h-him. +WOWD BAWDOWPH. Nyobwe Eaww, +I-I b-bwing you cewtain nyews fwom Shwewsbuwy. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. G-Good, an God wiww! +WOWD BAWDOWPH. As good as heawt can wish. +The King is awmost wounded to the death; +And, *looks at you* in the fowtunye OwO of my wowd youw son, +P-Pwince Hawwy swain outwight; and both the Bwunts +:33 Kiww'd by the hand of ^.^ Dougwas; young Pwince John, +And Westmowewand, and Staffowd, fwed UwU the fiewd; +And Hawwy Monmouth's *cries* bwawn, the huwk Siw John, +*cries* Is pwisonyew to youw son. O, such a d-day, +So fought, so *twerks* fowwowed, and so faiwwy won, +C-Came nyot tiww nyow to dignyify the times, +S-Since *teleports behind you* Cxsaw's fowtunyes! +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. How is this dewiv'd? +*shuffles closer* Saw you the f-fiewd? C-Came you fwom S-Shwewsbuwy? +W-WOWD *sighs* BAWDOWPH. I spake with onye, UwU my wowd, that came fwom thence; +A gentweman weww *moans* bwed and of good nyame, +That *notices bulge* fweewy wend'wed me t-these nyews fow twue. + +Entew TWAVEWS + +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Hewe comes my sewvant Twavews, whom I *cries* sent +On Tuesday wast t-to *sighs* wisten aftew nyews. +WOWD BAWDOWPH. My w-wowd, I *screams* ovew-wode him on t-the w-way; +And he is f-fuwnyish'd with n-nyo cewtainties +Mowe than he hapwy :33 may wetaiw fwom m-me. +N-NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Nyow, Twavews, what good tidings comes w-with you? +TWAVEWS. My wowd, Siw John Umfweviwe tuwn'd m-me xDD back +With joyfuw tidings; and, *looks at you* being bettew hows'd, +O-Out-wode me. A-Aftew uWu him came s-spuwwing hawd +A-A gentweman, awmost fowspent *shuffles closer* with s-speed, +That stopp'd by me to bweathe his bwoodied *teleports behind you* howse. +He ask'd the way to Chestew; a-and of him +I did demand what nyews fwom Shwewsbuwy. +He towd me that webewwion had bad wuck, +And that young Hawwy Pewcy's s-spuw was *pokes you* cowd. +*hugs tightly* With that he gave his abwe howse the head +And, bending f-fowwawd, stwuck his awmed heews +^-^ Against the panting sides *sighs* of h-his p-poow jade +:33 Up to the wowew-head; and stawting so, +He ;;w;; seem'd in wunnying t-to d-devouw the way, +Staying nyo wongew question. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Ha! Again: +Said he young Hawwy Pewcy's spuw was *looks at you* cowd? +Of Hotspuw, C-Cowdspuw? *moans* that UwU webewwion +Had met i-iww wuck? +WOWD BAWDOWPH. My wowd, I-I'ww teww *pokes you* you what: +If my young wowd youw son h-have nyot >w< the day, +Upon minye honyouw, fow a s-siwken point +I'ww give my *leans over* bawony. Nyevew tawk of it. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. *giggles shyly* Why *screams* shouwd t-that gentweman that wode by Twavews +Give then such instances of woss? +*cuddles you* WOWD BAWDOWPH. W-Who- he? +He was some hiwding fewwow that had stow'n +The howse *blushes* he wode on and, upon *looks at you* my *moans* wife, +Spoke at a ventuwe. >_> Wook, hewe comes mowe nyews. + +Entew Mowton + +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Yea, this man's bwow, wike to a titwe-weaf, +Fowetewws the nyatuwe of a twagic vowume. +So wooks the stwand wheweon the impewious fwood +Hath weft a witnyess'd *leans over* usuwpation. +Say, Mowton, didst *leans over* thou c-come fwom Shwewsbuwy? +MOWTON. I wan fwom Shwewsbuwy, my n-nyobwe wowd; +Whewe hatefuw death *notices bulge* put on his ugwiest mask +To *cuddles you* fwight ouw pawty. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. How doth my son and bwothew? +Thou twembwest; and the w-whitenyess in thy c-cheek +*shuffles closer* Is aptew than thy tongue t-to teww thy ewwand. +Even such a man, so faint, so s-spiwitwess, +S-So duww, *hugs tightly* so dwead i-in wook, so woe-begonye, +Dwew Pwiam's cuwtain ^.^ in the *teleports behind you* dead of ^-^ nyight +And :3 wouwd have t-towd him *giggles shyly* hawf his uWu Twoy was buwnt; +But Pwiam found *looks away* the f-fiwe ewe he his tongue, +And I my Pewcy's death ewe t-thou wepowt'st it. +T-This thou wouwdst say: 'Youw son did thus and thus; +*looks at you* Youw bwothew *screams* thus; s-so fought *twerks* the *cuddles you* nyobwe Dougwas'- +S-Stopping my >_< gweedy eaw with theiw bowd deeds; +*teleports behind you* But in the end, to stop m-my eaw indeed, +Thou hast a sigh t-to bwow away this pwaise, +Ending w-with 'Bwothew, son, and aww, *leans over* awe dead.' +MOWTON. Dougwas is wiving, and youw bwothew, y-yet; +*cuddles you* But f-fow my wowd y-youw son- +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Why, he is d-dead. +See what a weady tongue *shuffles closer* suspicion h-hath! +He t-that but feaws the thing he :3 wouwd nyot knyow +Hath by instinct knyowwedge fwom othews' e-eyes +That what he feaw'd is chanced. Yet speak, M-Mowton; +Teww t-thou an eaww his divinyation *notices bulge* wies, +And I wiww take it ^w^ as a sweet disgwace +And make thee wich fow doing me such wwong. +MOWTON. You awe too gweat to b-be by m-me gainsaid; +Y-Youw *leans over* spiwit is too twue, youw feaws *notices bulge* too cewtain. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Yet, fow >_< aww this, say nyot t-that Pewcy's d-dead. +I see a s-stwange confession in thinye eye; +Thou shak'st *looks away* thy head, and howd'st it feaw ow sin +To speak a-a twuth. If he be s-swain, say so: +The tongue offends nyot uWu that OwO wepowts his death; +And *shuffles closer* he doth sin *looks away* that doth bewie t-the dead, +Nyot he which says the dead is nyot awive. +Y-Yet the fiwst bwingew of *cries* unwewcome nyews +H-Hath b-but a *giggles shyly* wosing office, >_> and his tongue +Sounds e-evew aftew as a suwwen b-beww, +Wememb'wed towwing a depawting fwiend. +WOWD BAWDOWPH. *giggles shyly* I cannyot think, my wowd, youw son is *notices bulge* dead. +MOWTON. *sighs* I am sowwy I-I *looks at you* shouwd fowce >_> you t-to b-bewieve +That which I wouwd *notices bulge* to God I *leans over* had nyot seen; +B-But these minye e-eyes *pokes you* saw him in bwoody state, +Wend'wing faint quittance, weawied and out-bweath'd, +*notices bulge* To Hawwy Monmouth, whose swift >_> wwath beat *twerks* down +The nyevew-daunted P-Pewcy to the eawth, +Fwom whence with wife he nyevew mowe spwung *leans over* up. +In few, his death- whose spiwit ^-^ went a-a ;;w;; fiwe +Even to the d-duwwest peasant in his camp- +Being OwO bwuited once, *pokes you* took fiwe *twerks* and *looks at you* heat away +Fwom the best-tempew'd c-couwage in h-his twoops; +Fow f-fwom his metaw was his pawty steewed; +Which once in him abated, an the west +Tuwn'd on themsewves, wike duww and heavy wead. +A-And as the thing t-that's heavy in itsewf +Upon enfowcement *giggles shyly* fwies with gweatest speed, +So did ouw men, ^w^ heavy in Hotspuw's woss, +Wend to t-this weight s-such wightnyess with theiw feaw +That awwows fwed nyot swiftew t-towawd theiw aim +Than did ouw xDD sowdiews, aiming at theiw safety, +Fwy fwom the fiewd. Then was that nyobwe W-Wowcestew +T-Too soon ta'en pwisonyew; and that f-fuwious Scot, +The bwoody Dougwas, whose w-weww-wabouwing swowd +Had thwee times swain th' appeawance of t-the *teleports behind you* King, +G-Gan v-vaiw his uWu stomach and d-did gwace t-the shame +Of those that t-tuwn'd theiw backs, and in his fwight, +Stumbwing in feaw, >w< was took. The s-sum ^.^ of aww +Is that the >w< King hath won, and hath sent out +A speedy powew to e-encountew :33 you, my wowd, +Undew the conduct of young Wancastew +And *pokes you* Westmowewand. This is *sweats* the nyews at fuww. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Fow this I shaww have time enyough to mouwn. +In *shuffles closer* poison *hugs tightly* thewe is physic; and these nyews, +Having been *moans* weww, that wouwd have made me sick, +:3 Being *screams* sick, have in *sweats* some measuwe made me weww; +And as the wwetch whose fevew-weak'nyed joints, +*hugs tightly* Wike stwengthwess OwO hinges, *sighs* buckwe :3 undew w-wife, +Impatient o-of h-his fit, bweaks w-wike a f-fiwe +O-Out of his keepew's awms, even so *looks at you* my wimbs, +Weak'nyed with g-gwief, ;;w;; being nyow enwag'd with gwief, +A-Awe thwice themsewves. Hence, thewefowe, thou nyice cwutch! +A scawy gauntwet nyow xDD with joints o-of steew +Must gwove >_< this *looks at you* hand; and hence, thou sickwy coif! +Thou awt >_> a guawd too wanton fow the *leans over* head +^-^ Which pwinces, fwesh'd w-with conquest, aim *cuddles you* to hit. +Nyow bind m-my bwows with iwon; and *pokes you* appwoach +T-The wagged'st *cuddles you* houw that time and spite dawe bwing +T-To fwown upon th' *screams* enwag'd Nyowthumbewwand! +Wet h-heaven kiss eawth! Nyow *giggles shyly* wet nyot Nyatuwe's hand +Keep the w-wiwd fwood confin'd! *looks away* Wet owdew die! +And wet t-this wowwd nyo wongew be a stage +To feed c-contention i-in a wing'wing act; +But wet onye spiwit of the fiwst-bown Cain +Weign in >_< aww bosoms, that, each h-heawt b-being ^w^ set +:3 On bwoody couwses, the wude scenye :33 may end +And dawknyess be the buwiew of the dead! +WOWD BAWDOWPH. T-This s-stwainyed *shuffles closer* passion doth you wwong, my wowd. +MOWTON. UwU Sweet Eaww, divowce nyot wisdom uWu fwom youw *screams* honyouw. +^-^ The wives of aww youw woving compwices +Wean >_< on youw *cuddles you* heawth; the which, if you g-give o'ew +To stowmy ;;w;; passion, must pewfowce decay. +You cast th' event xDD of waw, my nyobwe wowd, +And s-summ'd the account of chance befowe you said +'Wet u-us make *moans* head.' It was *sighs* youw pwe-suwmise +That in the dowe of *teleports behind you* bwows y-youw son might dwop. +You :33 knyew h-he *cuddles you* wawk'd o-o'ew *pokes you* pewiws o-on an edge, +Mowe wikewy to x3 faww in than to get o'ew; +*cries* You *looks at you* wewe advis'd his *giggles shyly* fwesh was capabwe +Of wounds and s-scaws, and that h-his fowwawd spiwit +Wouwd *twerks* wift him whewe most twade o-of d-dangew wang'd; +Yet did you say 'Go fowth'; and nyonye of this, +Though s-stwongwy appwehended, c-couwd westwain +The *notices bulge* stiff-bownye action. What hath then befaww'n, +Ow what hath this bowd entewpwise bwought fowth +Mowe than that being which was wike to b-be? +WOWD BAWDOWPH. We aww *blushes* that *looks away* awe engaged t-to this w-woss +:3 Knyew that we v-ventuwed on ;;w;; such dangewous seas +That *sighs* if *blushes* we :33 wwought out wife 'twas ten *twerks* to o-onye; +A-And y-yet we ventuw'd, fow the :3 gain pwopos'd +*shuffles closer* Chok'd the w-wespect o-of wikewy pewiw *looks away* feaw'd; +And since we awe o'ewset, *looks at you* ventuwe again. +Come, we wiww put *sighs* fowth, body and goods. +M-MOWTON. 'Tis mowe than time. And, my most *shuffles closer* nyobwe wowd, +I-I heaw fow cewtain, a-and dawe speak *sighs* the twuth: +The gentwe Awchbishop xDD of ^w^ Yowk is up +With weww-appointed pow'ws. He *moans* is a man +W-Who w-with a x3 doubwe >_> suwety *screams* binds his fowwowews. +M-My wowd youw son had *looks at you* onwy but the cowpse, +But shadows and the shows of men, to fight; +Fow t-that same wowd 'webewwion' did divide +The ^w^ action of theiw >_> bodies f-fwom x3 theiw souws; +And they did f-fight *screams* with queasinyess, constwain'd, +As men dwink p-potions; t-that theiw weapons o-onwy +Seem'd on ouw side, *blushes* but fow t-theiw ^-^ spiwits and souws +This wowd *notices bulge* 'webewwion'- it had fwoze them up, +As fish awe in a-a pond. But nyow the Bishop +Tuwns insuwwection to wewigion. +Suppos'd sincewe :33 and *sweats* howy in his thoughts, +He's fowwow'd both with b-body ^w^ and with mind; +And doth enwawge his w-wising w-with t-the bwood +Of faiw King W-Wichawd, scwap'd ^.^ fwom *leans over* Pomfwet stonyes; +Dewives fwom heaven his quawwew and his cause; +:33 Tewws them he doth bestwide a bweeding wand, +Gasping fow wife undew gweat Bowingbwoke; +And mowe and wess do fwock to f-fowwow him. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. I k-knyew of this befowe; but, to speak twuth, +T-This pwesent gwief had wip'd i-it fwom my mind. +Go in *looks away* with me; a-and counsew ^w^ evewy man +The aptest way fow safety a-and wevenge. +G-Get posts and *cuddles you* wettews, and make fwiends with speed- +N-Nyevew so few, and nyevew yet mowe nyeed. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *teleports behind you* II. +Wondon. A stweet + +*looks at you* Entew SIW JOHN FAWSTAFF, >w< with >w< his P-PAGE b-beawing his ^.^ swowd and buckwew + +FAWSTAFF. :33 Siwwah, you giant, what says the doctow to my ;;w;; watew? +PAGE. He said, siw, *moans* the watew *teleports behind you* itsewf was x3 a good *looks at you* heawthy watew; but +fow the pawty that *blushes* owed it, he might h-have moe d-diseases t-than he +knyew fow. +FAWSTAFF. *pokes you* Men of aww sowts *leans over* take a p-pwide to giwd at me. The bwain of +this foowish-compounded OwO cway, man, is nyot *giggles shyly* abwe uWu to invent anything +that i-intends to waughtew, m-mowe t-than I *sighs* invent ow is *screams* invented on +me. I am nyot onwy witty in mysewf, >w< but the cause that wit is in +othew men. I do hewe wawk befowe :3 thee >_> wike a s-sow that hath +ovewwhewm'd ^w^ aww hew wittew but onye. If the Pwince put thee *twerks* into +my s-sewvice fow any othew weason *hugs tightly* than to set *sweats* me xDD off, why *leans over* then I +h-have nyo judgment. T-Thou whoweson mandwake, thou a-awt fittew to be +wown *blushes* in my c-cap than to wait at m-my heews. I was nyevew mann'd w-with +a-an agate tiww nyow; but I *moans* wiww inset you nyeithew in gowd nyow +*blushes* siwvew, but in v-viwe a-appawew, and send you back again *moans* to youw +*moans* mastew, fow a OwO jewew- *cuddles you* the juvenyaw, the Pwince youw m-mastew, whose +chin is nyot yet fwedge. I-I wiww *screams* soonyew have a beawd gwow in the +pawm o-of *teleports behind you* my h-hand than he shaww get onye off his c-cheek; and yet *teleports behind you* he +wiww nyot *pokes you* stick to say his face i-is *sweats* a f-face-woyaw. God may *notices bulge* finyish it +when h-he w-wiww, >w< 'tis n-nyot a h-haiw amiss yet. He may keep it stiww at +a face-woyaw, fow a bawbew shaww nyevew e-eawn s-sixpence out of it; +and yet he'ww be cwowing as UwU if he >_< had w-wwit x3 man evew since ^w^ his +fathew was a bachewow. He *cuddles you* may keep his own gwace, but he's *cries* awmost +out of minye, I-I can assuwe him. What said M-Mastew Dommewton about +the *sweats* satin fow my showt cwoak and *notices bulge* my swops? +PAGE. He said, siw, you shouwd *pokes you* pwocuwe xDD him b-bettew assuwance than +x3 Bawdowph. He wouwd n-nyot take his band and youws; >w< he wiked nyot the +secuwity. +FAWSTAFF. Wet him b-be damn'd, wike the Gwutton; pway God his tongue +be h-hottew! A whoweson Achitophew! A wascaw-yea-fowsooth knyave, to +beaw a ^w^ gentweman in hand, and then stand upon s-secuwity! The +whoweson s-smooth-pates do n-nyow weaw nyothing but high *cuddles you* shoes, and +bunches of >_> keys at theiw :3 giwdwes; a-and if a :33 man is thwough with +them i-in honyest t-taking-up, then they must s-stand upon secuwity. I +*looks away* had *sweats* as wief they wouwd put watsbanye *sighs* in my mouth as offew to stop +>w< it with secuwity. I w-wook'd 'a shouwd OwO have s-sent me two and twenty +yawds of satin, as I am ^w^ a twue knyight, and he s-sends me *hugs tightly* secuwity. +Weww, he may sweep in secuwity; fow he h-hath the h-hown of +abundance, and the wightnyess of his wife shinyes thwough it; a-and +yet cannyot he >_< see, though he have his own wanthown to wight him. +*sighs* Whewe's Bawdowph? +PAGE. He's gonye i-into Smithfiewd to b-buy youw wowship howse. +F-FAWSTAFF. I *sighs* bought *looks away* him in Pauw's, and :3 he'ww >_> buy me a-a howse in +Smithfiewd. An I c-couwd get me *shuffles closer* but a *moans* wife i-in t-the stews, I w-wewe +mann'd, hows'd, and w-wiv'd. + +Entew the WOWD CHIEF JUSTICE and SEWVANT + +PAGE. Siw, xDD hewe c-comes the nyobweman that committed the +Pwince fow stwiking him about Bawdowph. +FAWSTAFF. Wait cwose; *looks away* I wiww nyot see him. +CHIEF JUSTICE. What's h-he that goes thewe? +SEWVANT. Fawstaff, an't *looks away* pwease youw w-wowdship. +CHIEF JUSTICE. He that was in question fow the ^-^ wobb'wy? +SEWVANT. He, uWu my wowd; b-but he hath *leans over* since d-donye *twerks* good sewvice at +S-Shwewsbuwy, and, as I h-heaw, *cuddles you* is n-nyow going with some chawge to the +*leans over* Wowd John of Wancastew. +CHIEF J-JUSTICE. What, to Y-Yowk? Caww h-him back again. +SEWVANT. Siw John Fawstaff! +^-^ FAWSTAFF. Boy, *twerks* teww him I am deaf. +PAGE. Y-You must speak woudew; my mastew is deaf. +CHIEF JUSTICE. I am suwe h-he is, to the heawing of anything good. +Go, pwuck him by the *screams* ewbow; *blushes* I must speak with him. +*hugs tightly* SEWVANT. Siw *hugs tightly* John! +FAWSTAFF. What! a young knyave, and begging! I-Is thewe nyot waws? Is +thewe nyot empwoyment? Doth *looks away* nyot the King wack subjects? Do nyot the +webews nyeed sowdiews? T-Though it b-be *shuffles closer* a s-shame to b-be on any side but +onye, it i-is w-wowse shame to beg than >w< to *shuffles closer* be on the wowst side, wewe +it wowse than the nyame of webewwion can teww how to *sweats* make it. +SEWVANT. You mistake m-me, s-siw. +FAWSTAFF. Why, siw, did I say *notices bulge* you wewe an h-honyest man? S-Setting m-my +knyighthood and my sowdiewship aside, I had wied in my t-thwoat >w< if I +had *screams* said so. +SEWVANT. *twerks* I pway you, s-siw, t-then set youw knyighthood and youw +sowdiewship aside; and give me w-weave to teww you *twerks* you in youw +thwoat, if y-you say I a-am any othew than an honyest man. +FAWSTAFF. *notices bulge* I g-give thee weave to *pokes you* teww me so! I-I way *looks at you* aside t-that which +gwows to me! If thou g-get'st any weave of me, h-hang me; if thou +tak'st w-weave, thou wewt bettew be h-hang'd. You hunt countew. +H-Hence! Avaunt! +SEWVANT. Siw, my wowd wouwd speak with y-you. +CHIEF JUSTICE. S-Siw John Fawstaff, *notices bulge* a wowd :33 with you. +*blushes* FAWSTAFF. *sweats* My good wowd! G-God give youw wowdship good time of day. :33 I +am ^.^ gwad to see youw wowdship abwoad. I heawd say youw wowdship +w-was sick; I-I hope youw wowdship goes a-abwoad by advice. *sighs* Youw +wowdship, though nyot c-cwean p-past youw youth, hath y-yet some *notices bulge* smack +of age in you, some wewish of the sawtnyess of :33 time; and *blushes* I most +h-humbwy beseech y-youw wowdship *twerks* to have a wevewend cawe of *hugs tightly* youw +heawth. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Siw John, *twerks* I s-sent fow *shuffles closer* you befowe y-youw expedition to +Shwewsbuwy. +F-FAWSTAFF. An't pwease y-youw w-wowdship, I x3 heaw his Majesty is wetuwn'd +with some discomfowt :3 fwom Wawes. +CHIEF JUSTICE. I tawk nyot of his Majesty. You wouwd nyot come when I +sent fow you. +F-FAWSTAFF. And I heaw, moweovew, his Highnyess is faww'n i-into this +same ;;w;; whoweson apopwexy. +*sighs* CHIEF JUSTICE. Weww God mend him! I p-pway you wet m-me *sweats* speak with you. +FAWSTAFF. T-This apopwexy, as I take it, *teleports behind you* is x3 a kind of wethawgy, an't +p-pwease youw wowdship, a kind o-of sweeping in the bwood, a whoweson +tingwing. +CHIEF JUSTICE. W-What teww you :33 me of it? B-Be i-it as i-it is. +FAWSTAFF. It hath it owiginyaw f-fwom m-much *cuddles you* gwief, *notices bulge* fwom study, and +pewtuwbation of the bwain. I have wead the cause of his effects +in Gawen; *hugs tightly* it is ^-^ a kind of deafnyess. +*leans over* CHIEF JUSTICE. I think *looks away* you awe faww'n *leans over* into the disease, fow you +heaw nyot what I say to you. +FAWSTAFF. Vewy weww, m-my wowd, v-vewy weww. Wathew *screams* an't p-pwease you, it +is the disease of nyot wistenying, the mawady of nyot *twerks* mawking, that +I am t-twoubwed withaw. +CHIEF J-JUSTICE. *cuddles you* To punyish *leans over* you by *cuddles you* the :3 heews w-wouwd amend the attention +of OwO youw x3 eaws; and I cawe nyot if I do >w< become youw p-physician. +FAWSTAFF. I am as poow xDD as Job, m-my wowd, but nyot so p-patient. OwO Youw +w-wowdship may *screams* minyistew t-the potion of impwisonment to me in wespect +o-of p-povewty; >_> but how I shouwd be youw *cries* patient to fowwow youw +pwescwiptions, the *moans* wise may make some dwam of a scwupwe, ow +^w^ indeed a scwupwe itsewf. +C-CHIEF JUSTICE. I sent fow you, when thewe wewe mattews against you +fow youw wife, t-to come ^w^ speak w-with me. +F-FAWSTAFF. As I was then advis'd by m-my weawnyed *moans* counsew *sweats* in the waws +^-^ of this wand-sewvice, I-I did n-nyot come. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Weww, the twuth is, Siw John, you wive *notices bulge* in gweat +infamy. +FAWSTAFF. He that buckwes h-himsewf in my bewt cannyot w-wive in wess. +CHIEF JUSTICE. *blushes* Youw means awe vewy swendew, and youw waste is +gweat. +FAWSTAFF. I wouwd i-it wewe *blushes* othewwise; *cries* I wouwd my means wewe gweatew +and my waist swendewew. +CHIEF JUSTICE. You *sighs* have miswed the youthfuw Pwince. +FAWSTAFF. The young *shuffles closer* Pwince ^-^ hath miswed m-me. I am the >_> fewwow w-with the +gweat bewwy, a-and he my dog. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Weww, OwO I am w-woath to *teleports behind you* gaww a nyew-heaw'd wound. Youw +day's s-sewvice at Shwewsbuwy hath a-a w-wittwe g-giwded ovew youw +nyight's expwoit *cuddles you* on G-Gadshiww. *teleports behind you* You m-may thank th' unquiet time fow +y-youw quiet o'ewposting that action. +FAWSTAFF. My wowd- +CHIEF JUSTICE. But since aww is weww, k-keep it so: wake nyot a +sweeping wowf. +FAWSTAFF. To wake a wowf is as bad as smeww a fox. +CHIEF JUSTICE. What! you a-awe as a-a candwe, the bettew pawt b-buwnt +o-out. +FAWSTAFF. A wassaiw candwe, *sighs* my w-wowd- a-aww tawwow; ^-^ if *looks away* I did say of +wax, my *looks at you* gwowth wouwd x3 appwove the twuth. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Thewe is nyot *blushes* a w-white haiw in youw face but shouwd +have h-his *sweats* effect *moans* of gwavity. +FAWSTAFF. His effect of gwavy, gwavy, +C-CHIEF JUSTICE. You fowwow t-the *pokes you* young Pwince up and ;;w;; down, w-wike his +iww angew. +OwO FAWSTAFF. Nyot so, *giggles shyly* my *twerks* wowd. Youw iww angew is wight; *looks away* but hope he +that wooks upon me wiww take me without weighing. A-And yet in s-some +wespects, I UwU gwant, *cries* I cannyot go- I *cries* cannyot teww. Viwtue is of so +wittwe wegawd in these costewmongews' times that twue vawouw is +tuwn'd bewod; pwegnyancy *teleports behind you* is made a tapstew, and his quick w-wit +w-wasted in g-giving weckonyings; aww the othew g-gifts appewtinyent to +man, *screams* as the mawice o-of this :3 age shapes them, awe ^-^ nyot w-wowth *cries* a +goosebewwy. Y-You *giggles shyly* that awe owd considew nyot the capacities *giggles shyly* of us +that awe young; *screams* you do measuwe the heat o-of ouw wivews with the +bittewnyess of youw gawws; and we that awe *sighs* in the vawawd of ouw +youth, must ^w^ confess, a-awe *giggles shyly* wags too. +CHIEF J-JUSTICE. *twerks* Do *shuffles closer* you set down youw nyame in the scwoww *blushes* of youth, +that awe w-wwitten down o-owd with aww the chawactews of age? Have +*pokes you* you nyot a-a moist eye, a dwy hand, :33 a yewwow cheek, a white *twerks* beawd, a +decweasing weg, a-an incweasing b-bewwy? Is *blushes* nyot youw voice bwoken, +youw wind showt, youw chin doubwe, y-youw wit singwe, *hugs tightly* and *sweats* evewy +pawt about :33 you bwasted with antiquity? And wiww you yet caww +youwsewf young? *blushes* Fie, fie, fie, Siw John! +FAWSTAFF. M-My wowd, *moans* I w-was b-bown about thwee of the *giggles shyly* cwock in the +aftewnyoon, w-with a w-white head and s-something a wound b-bewwy. Fow *cries* my +voice- I-I have wost it with h-hawwooing and singing of anthems. To +appwove *twerks* my youth *cuddles you* fuwthew, *notices bulge* I wiww nyot. The twuth is, I a-am onwy owd +in *teleports behind you* judgment a-and undewstanding; and he that wiww c-capew with me fow +a t-thousand mawks, wet UwU him *leans over* wend me the monyey, and have at him. F-Fow +the box of the e-eaw that the Pwince gave *moans* you- he gave it wike a +wude pwince, and you took it w-wike a sensibwe ^-^ wowd. I have check'd +him fow it; and the x3 young OwO wion w-wepents- m-mawwy, nyot in a-ashes and +sackcwoth, but in n-nyew siwk and owd >_< sack. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Weww, God send the Pwince *shuffles closer* a bettew companyion! +FAWSTAFF. God send the companyion a bettew pwince! I cannyot wid my +hands of him. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Weww, t-the K-King hath sevew'd you. I h-heaw you awe +going with Wowd J-John >_< of Wancastew against the *looks away* Awchbishop and the +Eaww of Nyowthumbewwand. +*cuddles you* FAWSTAFF. Yea; *giggles shyly* I thank youw pwetty sweet ^.^ wit fow it. But wook you +pway, aww you that kiss my Wady Peace at home, ^-^ that ouw awmies +*blushes* join nyot in :3 a hot day; fow, by the W-Wowd, I take but two ;;w;; shiwts +out with *twerks* me, and I mean OwO nyot *moans* to *blushes* sweat extwaowdinyawiwy. If it be a +xDD hot day, and I b-bwandish anything *screams* but a bottwe, I wouwd I might +nyevew spit white again. ^.^ Thewe is nyot a dangewous action can peep +out his head but *notices bulge* I am thwust upon i-it. *looks at you* Weww, >_< I cannyot wast evew; +but it ^.^ was awway yet *cries* the twick o-of ouw Engwish nyation, if *blushes* they +have a good thing, to >_> make :33 it t-too common. *blushes* If ye wiww nyeeds ;;w;; say I +am an owd man, you shouwd give me ^-^ west. I wouwd to God m-my n-nyame +wewe nyot *leans over* so tewwibwe to the *looks away* enyemy as it is. I wewe bettew to be +eaten to death *cries* with a wust than to b-be scouwed to nyothing *sighs* with +pewpetuaw *hugs tightly* motion. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Weww, be honyest, be honyest; and God bwess youw +expedition! +FAWSTAFF. W-Wiww youw wowdship wend me >_< a t-thousand pound to fuwnyish m-me +fowth? +CHIEF JUSTICE. Nyot *twerks* a penny, UwU nyot *sighs* a penny; you awe too impatient to +beaw cwosses. Fawe you weww. Commend m-me >w< to my cousin +Westmowewand. +Exeunt CHIEF JUSTICE and SEWVANT +FAWSTAFF. If I *blushes* do, fiwwip me with a *moans* thwee-man beetwe. A man c-can nyo +m-mowe sepawate age and covetousnyess than 'a can p-pawt young *sweats* wimbs +and wechewy; but the gout gawws the onye, and t-the pox p-pinches t-the +othew; and *shuffles closer* so both the d-degwees pwevent my cuwses. UwU Boy! +PAGE. *hugs tightly* Siw? +FAWSTAFF. What monyey is in my puwse? +PAGE. Seven g-gwoats and two pence. +FAWSTAFF. OwO I can get nyo wemedy against this consumption of the +*notices bulge* puwse; b-bowwowing onwy wingews and wingews it *looks at you* out, but the disease +*cuddles you* is incuwabwe. Go beaw this wettew to my Wowd of Wancastew; *looks at you* this +t-to t-the P-Pwince; this t-to t-the Eaww of *sighs* Westmowewand; and this to owd +Mistwess Uwsuwa, w-whom *leans over* I have weekwy s-swown to mawwy since I +pewceiv'd the fiwst white haiw of my chin. About it; you knyow +whewe t-to find me. [Exit PAGE] A pox o-of this g-gout! ow, a gout of +this pox! fow the onye ow the othew p-pways the wogue w-with *cuddles you* my gweat +t-toe. 'Tis nyo mattew if I do hawt; I have the waws fow my cowouw, +a-and my pension shaww seem t-the m-mowe weasonyabwe. A good w-wit wiww +make u-use of anything. I wiww tuwn diseases to *leans over* commodity. +Exit + + + + +*shuffles closer* SCENyE UwU III. +Yowk. *sighs* The *looks at you* AWCHBISHOP'S pawace + +Entew *sweats* the AWCHBISHOP, THOMAS MOWBWAY the EAWW M-MAWSHAW, WOWD HASTINGS, +and WOWD BAWDOWPH + +AWCHBISHOP. Thus h-have you h-heawd ouw cause uWu and knyown *sighs* ouw means; +And, my *giggles shyly* most nyobwe fwiends, *cuddles you* I >_> pway you OwO aww +Speak p-pwainwy youw opinyions of o-ouw hopes- +And fiwst, Wowd Mawshaw, x3 what say you to it? +MOWBWAY. I weww awwow the occasion of ouw amis; +But gwadwy wouwd be bettew satisfied +^w^ How, i-in ouw means, we shouwd advance UwU ouwsewves +To w-wook *sighs* with fowehead bowd and big enyough +Upon the powew and p-puissance of the King. +HASTINGS. Ouw UwU pwesent mustews gwow upon the fiwe +To f-five a-and twenty thousand men *moans* of choice; +And ouw *looks at you* suppwies wive wawgewy in >_> the hope +Of gweat N-Nyowthumbewwand, whose bosom buwns +*cries* With *hugs tightly* an incensed fiwe of injuwies. +WOWD BAWDOWPH. The *blushes* question then, Wowd Hastings, standeth thus: +Whethew ouw pwesent f-five and t-twenty thousand +May howd up h-head w-without Nyowthumbewwand? +*shuffles closer* HASTINGS. With him, we may. +WOWD BAWDOWPH. Yea, mawwy, t-thewe's the point; +But if without h-him we be t-thought too feebwe, +My judgment is we shouwd nyot step too faw +Tiww we had his assistance by the hand; +Fow, in a theme so bwoody-fac'd as this, +>_< Conjectuwe, expectation, and suwmise +O-Of aids incewtain, ^w^ shouwd nyot be admitted. +AWCHBISHOP. 'Tis ^.^ vewy twue, Wowd Bawdowph; fow indeed +I-It was young Hotspuw's case at Shwewsbuwy. +WOWD BAWDOWPH. It w-was, my *hugs tightly* wowd; who win'd himsewf with hope, +Eating the aiw *teleports behind you* and pwomise of suppwy, +F-Fwatt'wing himsewf *notices bulge* in p-pwoject of a powew +Much smawwew than the smawwest of his *screams* thoughts; +A-And so, with gweat i-imaginyation +*pokes you* Pwopew to madmen, *looks away* wed his *cries* powews to death, +And, winking, weapt *leans over* into destwuction. +HASTINGS. But, *screams* by youw weave, it nyevew yet did huwt +To w-way down w-wikewihoods and *sweats* fowms of hope. +WOWD BAWDOWPH. Yes, if this pwesent quawity of waw- +*sighs* Indeed the instant action, a cause on foot- +Wives so i-in *cuddles you* hope, a-as in a-an eawwy *giggles shyly* spwing +We see th' appeawing buds; which to *sighs* pwove fwuit +Hope gives *looks away* nyot so much wawwant, as d-despaiw +T-That fwosts wiww bite them. *cries* When we m-mean to buiwd, +W-We fiwst suwvey the p-pwot, then dwaw the modew; +And when we see the *cuddles you* figuwe of the house, +*twerks* Then *looks away* we *shuffles closer* must wate the *hugs tightly* cost of the ewection; +Which uWu if w-we find outweighs abiwity, +What do we then but dwaw anyew the modew +In fewew o-offices, ow at OwO weast d-desist +T-To buiwd at aww? M-Much mowe, in *notices bulge* this gweat wowk- +W-Which is awmost ^w^ to pwuck a kingdom d-down +And set anyothew up- shouwd w-we suwvey +The pwot of s-situation *blushes* and the modew, +Consent upon a suwe foundation, +Q-Question s-suwveyows, k-knyow ouw own estate +How abwe such a-a wowk to undewgo- +*moans* To weigh against his opposite; ow ewse +We fowtify in p-papew and in figuwes, +Using the nyames o-of men instead of men; +Wike o-onye that dwaws the modew of :3 a house +Beyond his powew to buiwd it; who, hawf thwough, +Gives o'ew and weaves his uWu pawt-cweated cost +*pokes you* A >_> nyaked subject t-to the w-weeping cwouds +And waste fow chuwwish wintew's *shuffles closer* tywanny. +HASTINGS. Gwant that ouw hopes- *hugs tightly* yet wikewy of faiw biwth- +Shouwd be stiww-bown, and that we nyow possess'd +The utmost man of *twerks* expectation, +I think *looks away* we >_< awe ;;w;; so a body stwong e-enyough, +Even OwO as w-we awe, to equaw with the King. +WOWD BAWDOWPH. What, is t-the King xDD but >w< five and twenty OwO thousand? +HASTINGS. To us nyo >w< mowe; nyay, nyot :33 so much, W-Wowd Bawdowph; +Fow his divisions, as the times do bwaww, +Awe in thwee h-heads: onye p-powew against *sweats* the Fwench, +And onye against Gwendowew; pewfowce *looks at you* a t-thiwd +Must take ^w^ up us. *looks away* So is the unfiwm King +*teleports behind you* In thwee divided; and his coffews sound +With *giggles shyly* howwow povewty *leans over* and emptinyess. +AWCHBISHOP. That he shouwd dwaw h-his sevewaw s-stwengths togethew +And come against us in *cries* fuww puissance +Nyeed n-nyot be dweaded. +HASTINGS. If he shouwd do s-so, +:3 He weaves h-his back unyawm'd, the uWu Fwench and Wewsh +Baying at ^-^ his heews. Nyevew *sweats* feaw that. +WOWD :3 BAWDOWPH. Who is :3 it wike s-shouwd *looks at you* wead his f-fowces h-hithew? +HASTINGS. T-The Duke of Wancastew and Westmowewand; +Against the Wewsh, himsewf and Hawwy Monmouth; +But who is substituted against the Fwench +I have nyo cewtain nyotice. +AWCHBISHOP. W-Wet us on, +>_> And pubwish t-the *pokes you* occasion of ouw a-awms. +The commonweawth is sick of theiw UwU own choice; +Theiw o-ovew-gweedy wove h-hath ^w^ suwfeited. +An habitation giddy and unsuwe +Hath he that buiwdeth on the vuwgaw *cries* heawt. +O thou fond :3 many, with what woud a-appwause +Didst thou *shuffles closer* beat heaven w-with bwessing Bowingbwoke +Befowe ;;w;; he was what thou wouwdst h-have him be! +And being nyow twimm'd in thinye own desiwes, +Thou, beastwy feedew, awt so fuww of him +That thou pwovok'st thysewf to cast him up. +So, so, thou common dog, didst thou disgowge +Thy gwutton bosom of the woyaw Wichawd; +And nyow thou wouwdst >_> eat *cries* thy dead v-vomit up, +And howw'st to find it. W-What twust is in these times? +They that, when W-Wichawd wiv'd, wouwd have him die +Awe n-nyow become enyamouw'd on his gwave. +Thou t-that thwew'st dust upon his goodwy head, +When t-thwough *cuddles you* pwoud Wondon he came sighing on +Aftew th' admiwed heews of Bowingbwoke, +Cwiest nyow '-'O eawth, yiewd us that king a-again, +*looks at you* And take thou this!' O *cuddles you* thoughts of men accuws'd! +Past and t-to *looks at you* come seems best; things pwesent, *leans over* wowst. +MOWBWAY. S-Shaww we go d-dwaw ouw nyumbews, and set *screams* on? +HASTINGS. We awe *leans over* time's subjects, and time bids *cries* be *looks away* gonye. +Exeunt + + + + +<_> TIME ^.^ OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I. +:3 Wondon. *leans over* A stweet + +Entew HOSTESS *teleports behind you* with t-two officews, FANG *sighs* and SNyAWE + +HOSTESS. Mastew Fang, ;;w;; have you ent'wed the action? +FANG. I-It *sweats* is ent'wed. +HOSTESS. Whewe's youw yeoman? *leans over* Is't a-a *leans over* wusty yeoman? Wiww 'a stand +to't? +FANG. Siwwah, whewe's UwU Snyawe? +HOSTESS. O Wowd, ay! good M-Mastew Snyawe. +S-SNyAWE. Hewe, hewe. +FANG. Snyawe, we must *leans over* awwest Siw John F-Fawstaff. +HOSTESS. Yea, g-good Mastew S-Snyawe; I have ent'wed him a-and aww. +SNyAWE. It may chance cost some of xDD ouw wives, f-fow h-he wiww stab. +H-HOSTESS. Awas the day! take h-heed of him; he stabb'd me in minye own +h-house, and that *twerks* most beastwy. I-In g-good faith, 'a *hugs tightly* cawes nyot what +*notices bulge* mischief he >w< does, if his weapon be out; he wiww foin wike any +deviw; he wiww spawe n-nyeithew :3 man, woman, nyow chiwd. +FANG. I-If I can cwose with ^-^ him, I ^-^ cawe nyot fow his t-thwust. +HOSTESS. Nyo, *looks at you* nyow I nyeithew; I'ww b-be at youw *sweats* ewbow. +*blushes* FANG. An UwU I but fist him once; an ^.^ 'a come but within m-my vice! +H-HOSTESS. I am undonye b-by his *sighs* going; I wawwant you, he's an +infinyitive *pokes you* thing upon my scowe. Good Mastew Fang, howd him *giggles shyly* suwe. +G-Good M-Mastew Snyawe, wet *cries* him nyot scape. 'A comes c-continyuantwy to +>w< Pie-cownyew- saving youw manhoods- to buy *notices bulge* a saddwe; and he is +indited to dinnyew to the Wubbew's Head *notices bulge* in Wumbewt Stweet, to +Mastew Smooth's the siwkman. I pway you, since my exion is +ent'wed, and my case so openwy knyown to the wowwd, wet him be +bwought in to >_> his answew. A hundwed m-mawk i-is a wong onye fow a poow +wonye woman to beaw; :33 and I have bownye, :33 and bownye, and bownye; and +have b-been fubb'd off, *leans over* and fubb'd off, and fubb'd off, fwom this +*blushes* day to t-that day, *hugs tightly* that it i-is a shame to be thought on. Thewe is nyo +honyesty in such deawing; unwess *moans* a woman shouwd be ;;w;; made an ass and +a beast, to beaw evewy knyave's wwong. + +^w^ Entew S-SIW JOHN FAWSTAFF, PAGE, *giggles shyly* and BAWDOWPH + +Yondew he ^.^ comes; and that awwant mawmsey-nyose *sweats* knyave, Bawdowph, +w-with *pokes you* him. Do youw offices, do *shuffles closer* youw offices, Mastew Fang and +Mastew Snyawe; do me, *pokes you* do me, do me y-youw offices. +FAWSTAFF. How uWu nyow! whose m-mawe's d-dead? What's >w< the mattew? +FANG. Siw John, I awwest you at the suit of Mistwess Quickwy. +FAWSTAFF. Away, vawwets! Dwaw, Bawdowph. C-Cut me off the *cuddles you* viwwian's +h-head. Thwow the *leans over* quean in the c-channyew. +HOSTESS. :3 Thwow me i-in the c-channyew! I'ww thwow thee in the c-channyew. +Wiwt thou? wiwt thou? thou b-bastawdwy wogue! Muwdew, muwdew! Ah, +thou honyeysuckwe viwwain! wiwt thou kiww God's officews and the +King's? Ah, thou h-honyey-seed wogue! t-thou *blushes* awt a honyey-seed; a +man-quewwew and a *cries* woman-quewwew. +F-FAWSTAFF. Keep them off, Bawdowph. +FANG. A wescue! a wescue! +HOSTESS. Good peopwe, *leans over* bwing a wescue ow *hugs tightly* two. Thou wot, wot *giggles shyly* thou! +thou wot, wot ta? Do, do, thou *moans* wogue! do, thou hemp-seed! +PAGE. Away, you scuwwion! you wampawwian! you f-fustiwawian! +I'ww :33 tickwe youw catastwophe. + +E-Entew t-the WOWD CHIEF JUSTICE and *moans* his men + +CHIEF JUSTICE. *hugs tightly* What is the ^-^ mattew? Keep the peace hewe, ho! +OwO HOSTESS. Good my wowd, be good *looks at you* to me. *looks away* I :3 beseech you, stand *sweats* to me. +C-CHIEF JUSTICE. How *cuddles you* nyow, Siw John! what, awe you bwawwing hewe? +Doth ^-^ this become youw *notices bulge* pwace, youw ;;w;; time, and b-businyess? +You *cuddles you* shouwd have *notices bulge* been *blushes* weww on >_< youw way *sighs* to *moans* Yowk. +Stand f-fwom him, fewwow; whewefowe hang'st thou upon him? +H-HOSTESS. O My most wowshipfuw wowd, an't p-pwease youw G-Gwace, I am ^w^ a +p-poow widow of Eastcheap, and he i-is awwested at my suit. +CHIEF JUSTICE. :3 Fow what *moans* sum? +HOSTESS. I-It i-is mowe *blushes* than fow some, UwU my w-wowd; it is fow a-aww- aww *shuffles closer* I +*hugs tightly* have. He hath eaten me out of house and home; he hath put aww *teleports behind you* my +substance i-into that fat bewwy of his. *pokes you* But I w-wiww have some of it +out again, ow I wiww wide thee a nyights w-wike a mawe. +FAWSTAFF. *twerks* I think I a-am as wike x3 to w-wide the mawe, if I h-have ^.^ any +vantage of gwound *hugs tightly* to get up. +CHIEF *pokes you* JUSTICE. H-How comes this, *cries* Siw John? *leans over* Fie! *looks away* What man of good +tempew *looks away* wouwd enduwe this tempest *shuffles closer* of excwamation? Awe you nyot +*notices bulge* ashamed to ^.^ enfowce *notices bulge* a poow widow ^-^ to so wough a couwse to come by +hew own? +FAWSTAFF. What is t-the gwoss sum that *leans over* I o-owe thee? +HOSTESS. Mawwy, if thou x3 wewt an honyest man, thysewf and the monyey +UwU too. Thou didst sweaw to me upon a pawcew-giwt g-gobwet, sitting in +my D-Dowphin chambew, at the wound tabwe, by a sea-coaw fiwe, *looks away* upon +Wednyesday in Wheeson week, when the ^-^ Pwince bwoke t-thy *notices bulge* head fow +wiking his f-fathew ^w^ to singing-man of *twerks* Windsow- t-thou didst sweaw to +me then, *notices bulge* as I-I was washing thy wound, to mawwy m-me and m-make me my +wady ;;w;; thy wife. *giggles shyly* Canst thou deny it? Did n-nyot goodwife Keech, the +butchew's wife, come in *teleports behind you* then and *blushes* caww me gossip Quickwy? Coming +in to bowwow a m-mess of vinyegaw, *giggles shyly* tewwing u-us xDD she *screams* had a-a good dish of +pwawns, wheweby thou d-didst desiwe to eat some, wheweby I-I *sighs* towd +*pokes you* thee they wewe iww *screams* fow g-gween wound? And didst thou nyot, when she +was gonye down staiws, *looks at you* desiwe me to be nyo mowe so famiwiawity with +such poow peopwe, saying xDD that ewe *twerks* wong *sweats* they shouwd caww me madam? +And didst thou nyot kiss me, and bid me xDD fetch the thiwty +shiwwings? I put t-thee nyow :33 to thy book-oath. Deny it, if thou +canst. +FAWSTAFF. My wowd, this is a poow *pokes you* mad s-souw, a-and she says u-up and +*pokes you* down the town that *screams* hew ewdest son is wike you. S-She hath *looks at you* been in +good case, and, the twuth i-is, povewty hath distwacted hew. *shuffles closer* But +fow x3 these foowish o-officews, I-I beseech you *teleports behind you* I may have ^.^ wedwess +against them. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Siw John, *looks away* Siw John, I a-am weww acquainted with youw +mannyew o-of wwenching *cuddles you* the twue cause the fawse w-way. It is *sweats* nyot a +confident bwow, uWu nyow the thwong o-of wowds that come with such mowe +t-than impudent saucinyess fwom you, can t-thwust m-me >_> fwom a wevew +c-considewation. You have, UwU as it appeaws to me, p-pwactis'd upon the +easy *screams* yiewding >_< spiwit o-of this woman, and made hew sewve youw uses +both in p-puwse and i-in pewson. +HOSTESS. Yea, i-in twuth, my wowd. +CHIEF *looks at you* JUSTICE. *moans* Pway *cries* thee, peace. P-Pay hew >w< the debt you owe hew, and +unpay *teleports behind you* the viwwainy you have *twerks* donye with hew; *pokes you* the onye you may do +with stewwing monyey, and the othew with ^-^ cuwwent wepentance. +*giggles shyly* FAWSTAFF. My wowd, I wiww nyot ;;w;; undewgo xDD this snyeap without wepwy. You +c-caww honyouwabwe bowdnyess i-impudent *pokes you* saucinyess; if *cries* a man *shuffles closer* wiww m-make +cuwtsy and *looks at you* say n-nyothing, he is viwtuous. Nyo, my wowd, my *screams* humbwe +duty w-wememb'wed, ;;w;; I wiww nyot be youw *looks away* suitow. *teleports behind you* I say to you I do +d-desiwe d-dewivewance fwom these officews, being upon hasty +empwoyment in the King's affaiws. +CHIEF J-JUSTICE. *cuddles you* You *sighs* speak as having powew to do wwong; *looks away* but answew in +th' effect of youw w-weputation, and satisfy >_< the poow w-woman. +F-FAWSTAFF. Come hithew, hostess. + +Entew GOWEW + +CHIEF JUSTICE. Nyow, Mastew Gowew, what nyews? +GOWEW. The King, my wowd, and H-Hawwy Pwince ;;w;; of W-Wawes +Awe nyeaw at hand. The west the p-papew tewws. *hugs tightly* [Gives *cries* a wettew] +FAWSTAFF. A-As I *cuddles you* am a-a gentweman! +HOSTESS. ^.^ Faith, y-you s-said so befowe. +FAWSTAFF. As I am a gentweman! Come, nyo mowe wowds of it. +HOSTESS. By this heavenwy *leans over* gwound I twead UwU on, I must be fain to pawn +both my *hugs tightly* pwate *blushes* and the tapestwy of m-my *leans over* dinying-chambews. +FAWSTAFF. Gwasses, gwasses, is the onwy dwinking; a-and fow thy +wawws, a pwetty swight dwowwewy, *blushes* ow the stowy of the Pwodigaw, ow +the Gewman hunting, in watew-wowk, i-is wowth a thousand of these +bed-hangews and these fwy-bitten *leans over* tapestwies. Wet it x3 be *sweats* ten pound, +if thou canst. Come, and 'twewe nyot fow thy humouws, thewe's nyot +a bettew w-wench in Engwand. Go, wash thy face, and dwaw the +action. Come, thou must nyot b-be in this h-humouw with *cries* me; dost nyot +knyow me? Come, come, I knyow thou wast s-set uWu on to *leans over* this. +HOSTESS. Pway thee, S-Siw J-John, wet it be but *teleports behind you* twenty nyobwes; +i' faith, *sighs* I am woath to pawn my pwate, so God s-save me, *screams* wa! +FAWSTAFF. *sighs* Wet it awonye; I'ww make o-othew shift. You'ww be a foow +stiww. +*pokes you* HOSTESS. Weww, you s-shaww h-have it, though I pawn my gown. +I-I hope you'ww come to suppew. *pokes you* you'ww pay *looks away* me a-aww togethew? +F-FAWSTAFF. Wiww I wive? [To BAWDOWPH] Go, with h-hew, with hew; hook +on, hook on. +HOSTESS. Wiww you have Doww Teawsheet meet you at suppew? +FAWSTAFF. Nyo mowe wowds; wet's have hew. +Exeunt >_< HOSTESS, BAWDOWPH, and OFFICEWS +C-CHIEF J-JUSTICE. I have ;;w;; heawd bettew nyews. +FAWSTAFF. What's the n-nyews, my wowd? +C-CHIEF *giggles shyly* JUSTICE. *twerks* Whewe way the ^-^ King t-to-nyight? +GOWEW. At Basingstoke, my wowd. +FAWSTAFF. I hope, my w-wowd, aww's weww. What is the nyews, my wowd? +CHIEF J-JUSTICE. Come aww his fowces *blushes* back? +*notices bulge* GOWEW. Nyo; fifteen hundwed foot, five hundwed howse, +Awe mawch'd up to my Wowd of Wancastew, +Against Nyowthumbewwand and the Awchbishop. +FAWSTAFF. *notices bulge* Comes the King back ^w^ fwom Wawes, my nyobwe wowd? +CHIEF JUSTICE. x3 You shaww *screams* have wettews of >_> me pwesentwy. +Come, go awong ^w^ with me, good Mastew G-Gowew. +*cuddles you* FAWSTAFF. M-My w-wowd! +CHIEF JUSTICE. What's the mattew? +FAWSTAFF. Mastew Gowew, *giggles shyly* shaww I entweat y-you with me to dinnyew? +G-GOWEW. ;;w;; I must wait upon my good wowd hewe, I-I thank you, good Siw +John. +C-CHIEF JUSTICE. Siw John, you woitew xDD hewe too wong, being you *moans* awe to +take sowdiews up in *twerks* counties a-as you go. +FAWSTAFF. Wiww you sup :33 with me, Mastew G-Gowew? +CHIEF J-JUSTICE. What foowish mastew taught y-you these mannyews, Siw +John? +FAWSTAFF. Mastew Gowew, if they become me nyot, he was a :33 foow that +taught them me. xDD This is t-the wight f-fencing gwace, my wowd; tap fow +*leans over* tap, *leans over* and so pawt faiw. +CHIEF JUSTICE. N-Nyow, the W-Wowd wighten *leans over* thee! Thou awt UwU a gweat foow. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *blushes* II. +Wondon. Anyothew stweet + +Entew PWINCE *screams* HENWY and *moans* POINS + +PWINCE. Befowe God, uWu I am exceeding w-weawy. +POINS. *pokes you* Is't c-come to that? I-I had t-thought xDD weawinyess duwst nyot have +attach'd onye of *notices bulge* so high bwood. +PWINCE. F-Faith, it does me; though *sighs* it discowouws the compwexion of +my gweatnyess to acknyowwedge i-it. Doth it nyot show ;;w;; viwewy in me to +desiwe smaww beew? +POINS. Why, *looks at you* a ;;w;; pwince shouwd nyot *blushes* be so woosewy studied as >_< to +wemembew so weak ^-^ a composition. +*cuddles you* PWINCE. Bewike then my appetite was nyot-pwincewy OwO got; ^w^ fow, by my +t-twoth, I do nyow wemembew the poow cweatuwe, smaww beew. But +indeed t-these humbwe considewations make *cries* me out UwU of wove with my +gweatnyess. What a disgwace is it to me to wemembew *giggles shyly* thy nyame, >_< ow +to knyow thy face to-mowwow, ow to take nyote how many *screams* paiw of siwk +stockings thou ^w^ hast- v-viz., these, and those that wewe thy +peach-cowouw'd onyes- ow to beaw :3 the inventowy *cries* of t-thy shiwts- as, +*twerks* onye fow supewfwuity, and a-anyothew fow use! But t-that the +uWu tennyis-couwt-keepew knyows *screams* bettew than I; fow it is a wow ebb of +winyen :33 with thee when thou *shuffles closer* keepest nyot wacket UwU thewe; as thou hast +^w^ nyot d-donye >_> a gweat whiwe, b-because the west of thy wow *looks away* countwies +have *screams* made a s-shift to eat up thy howwand. And G-God knyows *teleports behind you* whethew +those that baww out of the w-wuins of thy winyen shaww inhewit his +k-kingdom; but the midwives say the chiwdwen awe nyot xDD in the fauwt; +wheweupon t-the *cries* wowwd incweases, and kindweds *cries* awe mightiwy +stwengthenyed. +POINS. How i-iww it fowwows, aftew y-you have wabouwed so hawd, y-you +shouwd tawk so idwy! *teleports behind you* Teww me, how many good young pwinces wouwd +do so, theiw f-fathews being so ^.^ sick as youws ;;w;; at t-this time is? +:3 PWINCE. Shaww I teww thee onye thing, Poins? +POINS. Yes, faith; and wet *notices bulge* it b-be an excewwent good thing. +PWINCE. It shaww sewve among wits of nyo highew bweeding than thinye. +POINS. G-Go to; I stand t-the push of youw onye thing that you wiww +teww. +PWINCE. Mawwy, I teww thee it is x3 nyot meet that I shouwd be *sweats* sad, nyow +my f-fathew is sick; a-awbeit I couwd teww to thee- a-as to onye it +pweases me, fow fauwt of a bettew, to caww ^.^ my ^.^ fwiend- I c-couwd be +sad a-and sad indeed t-too. +POINS. Vewy hawdwy upon such a subject. +P-PWINCE. By this hand, t-thou t-thinkest >_< me *notices bulge* as *screams* faw in the deviw's book +as thou a-and Fawstaff fow *screams* obduwacy and pewsistency: wet the *sweats* end +>_< twy the man. But I teww thee my heawt bweeds *looks away* inwawdwy that my +fathew is OwO so sick; and keeping s-such viwe company as t-thou awt hath +in weason taken fwom me aww ostentation of sowwow. +POINS. The weason? +PWINCE. What wouwdst >_> thou *shuffles closer* think of >_> me if I shouwd w-weep? +POINS. I-I wouwd >_> think thee a most pwincewy hypocwite. +PWINCE. It wouwd be e-evewy m-man's thought; and thou awt a bwessed +*blushes* fewwow t-to think as evewy man thinks. N-Nyevew a man's thought in the +wowwd keeps the *looks at you* woad-way bettew than *moans* thinye. E-Evewy man w-wouwd think +me *pokes you* an ^w^ hypocwite UwU indeed. *looks away* And what a-accites youw most wowshipfuw +^.^ thought to think s-so? +POINS. Why, because you have been so wewd a-and so :3 much engwaffed :33 to +Fawstaff. +PWINCE. And to thee. +POINS. By this UwU wight, I am w-weww spoke on; I can heaw it *giggles shyly* with minye +own eaws. The wowst that *twerks* they can say *sweats* of me is that I-I >w< am a-a *twerks* second +bwothew and >_< that I am a pwopew >w< fewwow of my hands; and t-those two +things, I confess, :33 I cannyot hewp. By the mass, h-hewe c-comes +Bawdowph. + +Entew x3 BAWDOWPH a-and *twerks* PAGE + +PWINCE. A-And t-the boy that I gave F-Fawstaff. 'A had him fwom me +Chwistian; and wook if the fat v-viwwain have nyot twansfowm'd him +ape. +BAWDOWPH. God save youw Gwace! +*blushes* PWINCE. And youws, ;;w;; most nyobwe Bawdowph! +POINS. Come, you v-viwtuous ass, you bashfuw :33 foow, must x3 you ^.^ be +bwushing? Whewefowe bwush *looks at you* you nyow? What a xDD maidenwy man-at-awms +*teleports behind you* awe y-you become! Is't such a mattew to *shuffles closer* get a pottwe-pot's +maidenhead? +x3 PAGE. 'A cawws me e'en nyow, my x3 wowd, *sweats* thwough a wed wattice, and I +*notices bulge* couwd discewn nyo pawt *sweats* of *twerks* his face fwom the >w< window. *shuffles closer* At wast I +spied *moans* his eyes; and methought *leans over* he had made two howes in the +a-awewife's nyew petticoat, and so peep'd thwough. +PWINCE. Has nyot the boy pwofited? +BAWDOWPH. Away, you w-whoweson upwight wabbit, away! +PAGE. Away, *giggles shyly* you wascawwy Awthaea's dweam, a-away! +PWINCE. Instwuct us, boy; what d-dweam, boy? +PAGE. Mawwy, my wowd, Awthaea d-dweamt she was dewivewed of a +fiwebwand; *sweats* and thewefowe I caww him :3 hew d-dweam. +PWINCE. A cwown's wowth of *cries* good intewpwetation. Thewe *twerks* 'tis, boy. +*shuffles closer* [Giving a cwown] +*twerks* POINS. O ^.^ that this bwossom couwd be kept fwom cankews! +Weww, thewe is s-sixpence to pwesewve *leans over* thee. +BAWDOWPH. A-An you do nyot make him be hang'd among you, t-the *hugs tightly* gawwows +shaww have wwong. +PWINCE. And how doth thy mastew, Bawdowph? +BAWDOWPH. Weww, my wowd. He heawd of youw Gwace's coming to *screams* town. +Thewe's a wettew ^w^ fow you. +POINS. D-Dewivew'd w-with good w-wespect. A-And h-how d-doth the *sighs* mawtwemas, +youw mastew? +BAWDOWPH. In bodiwy heawth, siw. +POINS. Mawwy, the immowtaw pawt nyeeds a-a *pokes you* physician; but UwU that moves +nyot him. Though t-that be s-sick, it dies nyot. +PWINCE. I d-do awwow this weww to be as f-famiwiaw with me as my dog; +and he howds his pwace, f-fow wook you how he wwites. +UwU POINS. [Weads] 'John Fawstaff, knyight'- Evewy *pokes you* man *twerks* must k-knyow t-that +as oft as h-he has occasion to n-nyame himsewf, *screams* even wike those that +awe kin to the K-King; f-fow *cuddles you* they nyevew pwick *moans* theiw f-fingew but they +say *notices bulge* 'Thewe's *shuffles closer* some of the King's bwood spiwt.' 'How *screams* comes that?' +s-says he that takes upon him nyot to conceive. The answew is a-as +weady as a bowwowew's cap: 'I am the King's poow UwU cousin, siw.' +PWINCE. Nyay, they ^-^ wiww *shuffles closer* be k-kin to us, ow they wiww UwU fetch it fwom +J-Japhet. B-But t-the wettew: uWu [Weads] '-'Siw John Fawstaff, knyight, to +*cuddles you* the son of the King ^w^ nyeawest his f-fathew, H-Hawwy Pwince of Wawes, +*looks away* gweeting.' +P-POINS. Why, this :33 is a cewtificate. +PWINCE. Peace! [Weads] '-'I wiww imitate the honyouwabwe W-Womans in +bwevity.'- +POINS. He suwe means bwevity in b-bweath, showt-winded. +PWINCE. [Weads] 'I commend *sighs* me to *looks at you* thee, I commend thee, *sighs* and I +weave *screams* thee. OwO Be nyot too famiwiaw w-with Poins; fow ^-^ he misuses thy +favouws ;;w;; so much that h-he s-sweaws thou awt to mawwy h-his sistew Nyeww. +Wepent :33 at idwe times a-as thou m-mayst, a-and so faweweww. +*blushes* Thinye, *cries* by yea and nyo- which is as *looks away* much *looks away* as to say as +thou u-usest h-him- JACK FAWSTAFF ^-^ with my famiwiaws, +JOHN with my bwothews and *teleports behind you* sistews, and SIW JOHN *hugs tightly* with +aww Euwope.' +POINS. My wowd, I'ww steep this wettew in sack >_< and make him eat it. +PWINCE. That's to make him eat twenty >w< of h-his w-wowds. But do xDD you u-use +me thus, Nyed? Must I mawwy youw sistew? +P-POINS. G-God s-send the w-wench nyo w-wowse fowtunye! But I nyevew said so. +PWINCE. Weww, t-thus we pway the foows with the time, and t-the spiwits +of t-the wise sit in the cwouds uWu and mock us. Is youw >_< mastew hewe in +Wondon? +B-BAWDOWPH. Yea, my wowd. +PWINCE. Whewe sups h-he? Doth *moans* the owd boaw feed in the owd f-fwank? +BAWDOWPH. At the owd pwace, my wowd, in Eastcheap. +PWINCE. W-What company? +PAGE. Ephesians, my wowd, of the owd c-chuwch. +PWINCE. Sup any women *sweats* with him? +PAGE. Nyonye, my wowd, but ^.^ owd Mistwess Quickwy >_> and Mistwess Doww +Teawsheet. +P-PWINCE. What pagan may t-that be? +PAGE. ^w^ A pwopew gentwewoman, siw, and a kinswoman of m-my mastew's. +PWINCE. Even such kin a-as the pawish heifews awe to the town buww. +Shaww we *cries* steaw upon them, N-Nyed, at suppew? +POINS. ;;w;; I am youw shadow, my wowd; I'ww >_< fowwow you. +PWINCE. Siwwah, ;;w;; you *pokes you* boy, a-and Bawdowph, nyo wowd to y-youw mastew that +I am yet come to town. Thewe's fow y-youw siwence. +BAWDOWPH. I have nyo tongue, siw. +PAGE. And fow ;;w;; minye, siw, I x3 wiww govewn it. +P-PWINCE. F-Fawe you weww; go. Exeunt B-BAWDOWPH *cuddles you* and PAGE +This Doww Teawsheet shouwd be *blushes* some woad. +POINS. I wawwant you, as *cuddles you* common a-as the way between Saint Awbans and +Wondon. +PWINCE. How *cuddles you* might we see Fawstaff bestow himsewf to-nyight in his +twue cowouws, and n-nyot ouwsewves be seen? +*looks away* POINS. Put on two weathewn jewkins and apwons, and wait upon h-him :33 at +his OwO tabwe a-as dwawews. +P-PWINCE. Fwom a god to a b-buww? *screams* A heavy descension! I-It was Jove's +case. >_> Fwom a pwince to *teleports behind you* a pwentice? A wow twansfowmation! That +shaww be minye; *blushes* fow in *teleports behind you* evewything the *blushes* puwpose must weigh with the +fowwy. Fowwow me, Nyed. +Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE >_< III. +:33 Wawkwowth. Befowe t-the castwe + +*blushes* Entew NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, WADY NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, and WADY PEWCY + +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. *hugs tightly* I pway thee, woving wife, and gentwe daughtew, +Give even way unto m-my wough affaiws; +*pokes you* Put nyot you on the visage of t-the times +And be, wike them, to Pewcy *twerks* twoubwesome. +WADY N-NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. ^.^ I *looks at you* have given *teleports behind you* ovew, I wiww speak nyo >w< mowe. +Do what you w-wiww; y-youw wisdom be youw guide. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Awas, sweet wife, my OwO honyouw *twerks* is *leans over* at pawn; +And but my going *looks away* nyothing can wedeem it. +WADY *sweats* PEWCY. O, yet, f-fow G-God's sake, go nyot to these waws! +The time was, fathew, that you bwoke youw wowd, +When you *cries* wewe m-mowe endeaw'd to it than n-nyow; +When youw own Pewcy, when ;;w;; my heawt's deaw Hawwy, +*teleports behind you* Thwew many a nyowthwawd w-wook t-to see his *twerks* fathew +Bwing up his powews; but he did wong in vain. +Who then pewsuaded you t-to stay at h-home? +Thewe xDD wewe two honyouws *hugs tightly* wost, youws >_> and youw son's. +Fow y-youws, the God *shuffles closer* of heaven bwighten it! +*moans* Fow his, *shuffles closer* it stuck u-upon him as the sun +In *screams* the gwey vauwt of h-heaven; and *sweats* by his *sweats* wight +Did aww the chivawwy ^w^ of Engwand move +To do bwave acts. H-He was indeed the gwass +Whewein the nyobwe youth did d-dwess themsewves. +He had nyo wegs that pwactis'd nyot h-his gait; +And speaking thick, which nyatuwe made his bwemish, +Became the accents o-of the vawiant; +Fow those who couwd >_> speak wow and tawdiwy +Wouwd tuwn *cries* theiw own pewfection to abuse +To s-seem wike him: so that in speech, *looks at you* in gait, +In d-diet, *giggles shyly* in affections of dewight, +In ^.^ miwitawy UwU wuwes, humouws of bwood, +He was the x3 mawk and gwass, copy *leans over* and book, +That f-fashion'd othews. And him- O wondwous him! +O m-miwacwe of men!- him d-did you weave- +Second to nyonye, unseconded *shuffles closer* by you- +To wook upon the hideous g-god of *giggles shyly* waw +In d-disadvantage, to abide a-a fiewd +Whewe nyothing b-but the s-sound of Hotspuw's n-nyame +Did seem :3 defensibwe. So you weft him. +Nyevew, O nyevew, d-do his *moans* ghost the wwong +To howd *cries* youw honyouw mowe *leans over* pwecise and xDD nyice +With o-othews than *blushes* with *teleports behind you* him! Wet them awonye. +The Mawshaw ;;w;; and the Awchbishop a-awe >_> stwong. +Had my sweet Hawwy had but hawf *twerks* theiw nyumbews, +To-day might I, hanging on H-Hotspuw's nyeck, +Have tawk'd of Monmouth's gwave. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Beshwew youw heawt, +Faiw daughtew, you do *screams* dwaw my spiwits fwom me +*teleports behind you* With nyew wamenting ancient ovewsights. +But I must go and meet with dangew t-thewe, +Ow it wiww seek me in anyothew pwace, +And find me *twerks* wowse pwovided. +WADY NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. O, fwy to Scotwand +T-Tiww that the nyobwes and ^.^ the awmed commons +Have of theiw puissance made a wittwe taste. +WADY PEWCY. If they get gwound and vantage o-of *looks away* the :33 King, +Then j-join you with *looks at you* them, wike a w-wib *teleports behind you* of steew, +To make stwength stwongew; but, fow aww ouw woves, +F-Fiwst w-wet them UwU twy themsewves. So did youw son; +He w-was so suff'wed; so came I a-a widow; +>_> And nyevew >w< shaww have wength o-of wife enyough +To wain OwO upon w-wemembwance with minye e-eyes, +That it *teleports behind you* may gwow and spwout as :3 high *giggles shyly* as h-heaven, +Fow wecowdation to my nyobwe husband. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Come, come, go in with :3 me. 'Tis with my mind +A-As with the tide s-sweww'd up unto his height, +That makes a-a stiww-stand, wunnying nyeithew way. +Fain wouwd I go to m-meet the Awchbishop, +But m-many thousand weasons howd me back. +I ;;w;; wiww wesowve fow *screams* Scotwand. *looks away* Thewe ^-^ am I, +Tiww :3 time and vantage cwave my c-company. Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE I-IV. +Wondon. *sweats* The Boaw's Head *hugs tightly* Tavewn in Eastcheap + +Entew FWANCIS and anyothew DWAWEW + +FWANCIS. What the deviw *hugs tightly* hast thou bwought thewe-appwe-johns? *sighs* Thou +knyowest Siw John cannyot enduwe an a-appwe-john. +SECOND DWAWEW. Mass, thou say'st twue. ^-^ The Pwince once set a dish +of appwe-johns b-befowe >_> him, and towd him thewe wewe f-five mowe Siw +Johns; a-and, putting off his hat, said 'I wiww n-nyow take my weave +o-of *notices bulge* these six dwy, wound, o-owd, withewed k-knyights.' I-It ang'wed him +to the heawt; but he h-hath fowgot that. +FWANCIS. W-Why, then, c-covew and set them down; a-and s-see >_< if thou *shuffles closer* canst +find *twerks* out Snyeak's n-nyoise; Mistwess Teawsheet wouwd f-fain heaw some +music. + +Entew thiwd D-DWAWEW + +T-THIWD xDD DWAWEW. Dispatch! The *sweats* woom whewe they supp'd is too h-hot; +they'ww come *sighs* in stwaight. +FWANCIS. Siwwah, h-hewe *cries* wiww be the Pwince and Mastew Poins *pokes you* anyon; a-and +t-they wiww put on two of ouw jewkins and apwons; and Siw John must +nyot knyow of it. Bawdowph hath bwought *giggles shyly* wowd. +THIWD DWAWEW. By t-the mass, hewe *notices bulge* wiww be o-owd uds; it wiww be an +excewwent xDD stwatagem. +SECOND DWAWEW. I'ww see if I can find out Snyeak. +Exeunt second and thiwd DWAWEWS + +Entew HOSTESS and D-DOWW TEAWSHEET + +HOSTESS. I' faith, sweetheawt, methinks nyow you awe in an e-excewwent +good tempewawity. Y-Youw puwsidge beats as *moans* extwaowdinyawiwy as heawt +:3 wouwd desiwe; and y-youw cowouw, I wawwant >w< you, i-is as *sweats* wed as *cuddles you* any +wose, ;;w;; in good twuth, wa! *moans* But, i' faith, you h-have dwunk too much +canyawies; *looks at you* and ;;w;; that's a mawvewwous seawching winye, and it pewfumes +the bwood e-ewe uWu onye can say 'What's this?' How do you nyow? +D-DOWW. Bettew than I was- hem. +HOSTESS. Why, that's *leans over* weww said; a g-good *giggles shyly* heawt's wowth gowd. +Wo, hewe comes Siw J-John. + +Entew FAWSTAFF + +FAWSTAFF. ^w^ [Singing] 'When Awthuw fiwst in couwt'- Empty the +jowdan. OwO [Exit FWANCIS]- [-[Singing] 'And was ;;w;; a wowthy *notices bulge* king'- How +nyow, Mistwess Doww! +*notices bulge* HOSTESS. ^w^ Sick of a cawm; yea, good f-faith. +FAWSTAFF. uWu So is aww hew sect; and they be once in a cawm, they awe +sick. +DOWW. A pox damn *screams* you, you muddy wascaw! I-Is that aww the comfowt y-you +give me? +FAWSTAFF. You make fat wascaws, Mistwess Doww. +x3 DOWW. I make *teleports behind you* them! Gwuttony a-and diseases make them: I *teleports behind you* make them +nyot. +FAWSTAFF. If the *screams* cook hewp to make ^w^ the gwuttony, you hewp to make +the diseases, Doww. We catch ;;w;; of you, Doww, we *sweats* catch of you; gwant +that, my poow viwtue, gwant that. +D-DOWW. Yea, joy, ouw chains and ouw jewews. +FAWSTAFF. '-'Youw bwooches, peawws, and ouches.' ^-^ Fow to >_> sewve bwavewy +>w< is :33 to come hawting off; you knyow, to c-come o-off xDD the *sweats* bweach with his +pike bent b-bwavewy, a-and to suwgewy bwavewy; t-to ventuwe upon the +chawg'd chambews bwavewy- +DOWW. Hang youwsewf, you muddy congew, hang youwsewf! +HOSTESS. By m-my twoth, t-this is the owd fashion; y-you two x3 nyevew meet +but you faww t-to some discowd. You awe both, i-i' *giggles shyly* good twuth, as +wheumatic as two dwy *twerks* toasts; you cannyot onye b-beaw with >_< anyothew's +confiwmities. W-What the *sweats* good-yeaw! onye must beaw, *pokes you* and that must b-be +:33 you. You awe xDD the weakew vessew, as as t-they say, the emptiew +>w< vessew. +*sweats* DOWW. *blushes* Can a weak :3 empty v-vessew beaw such x3 a huge fuww hogs-head? +Thewe's a whowe mewchant's ventuwe of Bouwdeaux stuff in him; you +have n-nyot seen a-a huwk bettew stuff'd in the howd. Come, I'ww *pokes you* be +fwiends ;;w;; with thee, *sighs* Jack. Thou :3 awt going to t-the waws; UwU and whethew +I shaww evew see thee again ow *looks at you* nyo, *screams* thewe is nyobody cawes. + +*giggles shyly* We-entew FWANCIS + +FWANCIS. Siw, Ancient Pistow's *pokes you* bewow *leans over* and wouwd speak with you. +DOWW. Hang him, s-swaggewing wascaw! Wet him nyot come hithew; it i-is +t-the fouw-mouth'dst wogue in E-Engwand. +HOSTESS. If he swaggew, wet him nyot come hewe. N-Nyo, by my faith! I +must wive among my nyeighbouws; I'ww n-nyo swaggewews. I am in good +nyame and fame with the vewy best. *cuddles you* Shut the doow. Thewe comes nyo +s-swaggewews hewe; UwU I have nyot *leans over* wiv'd aww this whiwe to h-have +swaggewing nyow. Shut the d-doow, I pway y-you. +FAWSTAFF. Dost thou heaw, hostess? +HOSTESS. ;;w;; Pway ye, p-pacify youwsewf, Siw John; thewe c-comes nyo +swaggewews hewe. +FAWSTAFF. Dost thou *leans over* heaw? It is minye ancient. +HOSTESS. Tiwwy-fawwy, Siw John, nye'ew teww me; and OwO youw *moans* ancient +swagg'wew *blushes* comes *hugs tightly* nyot in my doows. I was befowe Mastew Tisick, the +debuty, t' othew *looks at you* day; xDD and, as he said to me- 'twas nyo w-wongew ago +than Wednyesday wast, ;;w;; i' good faith!- 'Nyeighbouw Quickwy,' *sighs* says +he- M-Mastew Dumbe, ouw minyistew, was by UwU then- 'Nyeighbouw xDD Quickwy,' +says h-he 'weceive t-those that a-awe civiw, fow' said he 'you awe in +an i-iww nyame.' *looks at you* Nyow '-'a said s-so, I can teww wheweupon. 'Fow' says *looks at you* he +'you a-awe an honyest woman a-and weww thought on, thewefowe take heed +what guests y-you weceive. Weceive' s-says he '-'nyo swaggewing +companyions.' Thewe *teleports behind you* comes nyonye hewe. You wouwd bwess you to heaw +what he said. Nyo, I'ww nyo swagg'wews. +F-FAWSTAFF. He's nyo swagg'wew, hostess; x3 a tame cheatew, i' faith; you +may stwoke him a-as >w< gentwy as a-a p-puppy gweyhound. He'ww nyot swaggew +with a B-Bawbawy hen, if hew f-feathews tuwn back in >_< any show *teleports behind you* of +wesistance. Caww him up, dwawew. +Exit FWANCIS +*cries* HOSTESS. Cheatew, c-caww you him? I wiww *cuddles you* baw nyo honyest man my h-house, +nyow nyo c-cheatew; but I do nyot wove s-swaggewing, by my twoth. I am +^-^ the wowse *moans* when onye s-says '-'swaggew.' F-Feew, *cuddles you* mastews, how I shake; +wook ^w^ you, I wawwant you. +D-DOWW. So you do, hostess. +H-HOSTESS. Do I? Yea, *leans over* in vewy twuth, do I, an 'twewe an *moans* aspen weaf. I +cannyot abide swagg'wews. + +Entew PISTOW, B-BAWDOWPH, and PAGE + +PISTOW. God save you, *looks away* Siw *notices bulge* John! +FAWSTAFF. Wewcome, A-Ancient Pistow. Hewe, Pistow, I chawge *hugs tightly* you w-with +UwU a cup *sighs* of sack; do you dischawge upon minye hostess. +P-PISTOW. I wiww dischawge upon *giggles shyly* hew, *twerks* Siw John, with two buwwets. +F-FAWSTAFF. *twerks* She is p-pistow-pwoof, siw; you shaww nyot hawdwy offend +hew. +HOSTESS. Come, I'ww dwink nyo *giggles shyly* pwoofs nyow nyo b-buwwets. I'ww dwink nyo +mowe than wiww do me >_> good, fow *looks away* nyo *twerks* man's pweasuwe, I. +PISTOW. Then to you, Mistwess Dowothy; I wiww chawge you. +>_> DOWW. Chawge me! I *leans over* scown y-you, scuwvy companyion. What! y-you poow, +base, *giggles shyly* wascawwy, cheating, wack-winyen mate! Away, you mouwdy +w-wogue, away! *twerks* I am *moans* meat fow youw mastew. +PISTOW. I-I knyow y-you, *twerks* Mistwess Dowothy. +DOWW. >_> Away, you cut-puwse wascaw! you fiwthy ^-^ bung, away! By this +winye, I'ww thwust UwU my knyife in youw mouwdy chaps, an you *cuddles you* pway the +saucy cuttwe with *sweats* me. Away, you bottwe-awe wascaw! y-you +>_> basket-hiwt *giggles shyly* stawe juggwew, you! S-Since when, I pway you, s-siw? +God's wight, with two points on youw s-shouwdew? Much! +*cries* PISTOW. God wet me nyot uWu wive but ^w^ I wiww muwdew youw ^w^ wuff fow this. +FAWSTAFF. Nyo mowe, *screams* Pistow; *pokes you* I wouwd n-nyot have you go off hewe. +Dischawge youwsewf *looks away* of o-ouw company, Pistow. +HOSTESS. Nyo, good Captain Pistow; nyot hewe, sweet captain. +DOWW. C-Captain! Thou abominyabwe damn'd cheatew, awt thou nyot ashamed +to be c-cawwed captain? An ^-^ captains wewe of my *cuddles you* mind, they wouwd +t-twuncheon you out, fow taking theiw nyames upon you b-befowe y-you +have *giggles shyly* eawn'd them. You a-a captain! y-you swave, fow what? Fow teawing +a-a poow w-whowe's wuff *giggles shyly* in a bawdy-house? He a captain! hang *blushes* him, +wogue! He wives upon mouwdy stew'd pwunyes and d-dwied cakes. A +captain! God's UwU wight, these viwwains *looks away* wiww make *hugs tightly* the wowd as odious +as the *blushes* wowd '-'occupy'; which was an excewwent good w-wowd befowe it +*giggles shyly* was *sweats* iww >w< sowted. Thewefowe captains *leans over* had nyeed wook *sweats* to't. +BAWDOWPH. Pway thee go down, good *teleports behind you* ancient. +F-FAWSTAFF. Hawk thee h-hithew, M-Mistwess Doww. +PISTOW. Nyot I! I teww thee what, Cowpowaw ^w^ Bawdowph, I couwd teaw +hew; I'ww *moans* be *moans* weveng'd o-of hew. +PAGE. Pway *pokes you* thee go down. +PISTOW. I'ww see hew damn'd fiwst; to *leans over* Pwuto's damn'd wake, by *cries* this +hand, to th' i-infewnyaw deep, with Ewebus *hugs tightly* and towtuwes viwe *sighs* awso. +Howd h-hook and winye, say *looks at you* I. Down, *sweats* down, *pokes you* dogs! >_< down, faitows! Have +we nyot Hiwen hewe? +HOSTESS. Good Captain Peesew, be *cries* quiet; 'tis vewy w-wate, *blushes* i' ^-^ faith; I +beseek you n-nyow, aggwavate youw chowew. +PISTOW. These >_> be good *looks away* humouws, i-indeed! Shaww *cries* packhowses, +And howwow pampew'd jades of Asia, +Which cannyot go but thiwty m-miwe a day, +Compawe ^w^ with Caesaws, and >w< with Cannyibaws, +And Twoiant G-Gweeks? *shuffles closer* Nyay, wathew damn *blushes* them w-with +>w< King Cewbewus; uWu and wet the *giggles shyly* wewkin uWu woaw. +Shaww we faww fouw fow t-toys? +HOSTESS. By my twoth, Captain, these awe v-vewy >_> bittew w-wowds. +*shuffles closer* BAWDOWPH. Be gonye, good ancient; this wiww *moans* gwow to a bwaww anyon. +PISTOW. Die m-men wike x3 dogs! *shuffles closer* Give cwowns xDD wike >w< pins! Have w-we n-nyot Hiwen +hewe? +HOSTESS. O' my w-wowd, Captain, thewe's *hugs tightly* nyonye such xDD hewe. What the +*shuffles closer* good-yeaw! d-do y-you think I wouwd *giggles shyly* deny hew? *giggles shyly* Fow God's sake, be +quiet. +PISTOW. Then feed >w< and be >_< fat, my f-faiw Cawipowis. +Come, give's some sack. +'Si *screams* fowtunye me towmente spewato m-me contento.' +Feaw we bwoadsides? Nyo, wet the f-fiend give fiwe. +Give me some sack; *shuffles closer* and, sweetheawt, wie thou >_< thewe. +[Waying down his swowd] +Come *twerks* we t-to fuww points hewe, and awe etcetewas nyothings? +xDD FAWSTAFF. Pistow, I wouwd b-be quiet. +PISTOW. Sweet knyight, I kiss ^w^ thy n-nyeaf. What! we have seen the seven +uWu staws. +*moans* DOWW. Fow God's sake :3 thwust him down staiws; I cannyot enduwe such a +fustian wascaw. +*blushes* PISTOW. Thwust him down staiws! *looks away* Knyow we nyot Gawwoway nyags? +FAWSTAFF. >_< Quoit him down, Bawdowph, wike a-a shove-gwoat s-shiwwing. +^.^ Nyay, UwU an UwU 'a d-do n-nyothing but speak nyothing, 'a shaww be *cuddles you* nyothing +*blushes* hewe. +*giggles shyly* BAWDOWPH. Come, *hugs tightly* get you down *giggles shyly* staiws. +PISTOW. >_> What! shaww we have incision? Shaww we imbwue? +[Snyatching up his swowd] +*hugs tightly* Then death wock me a-asweep, abwidge my dowefuw days! +Why, *sighs* then, wet gwievous, ghastwy, g-gaping wounds +x3 Untwinye the OwO Sistews Thwee! Come, A-Atwopos, I *pokes you* say! +HOSTESS. Hewe's goodwy stuff towawd! +FAWSTAFF. G-Give me my wapiew, boy. +DOWW. I pway ^-^ thee, *sighs* Jack, *shuffles closer* I p-pway thee, do nyot dwaw. +;;w;; FAWSTAFF. Get you down staiws. +[-[Dwawing and dwiving P-PISTOW out] +HOSTESS. *cuddles you* Hewe's OwO a goodwy tumuwt! I'ww >_< fowsweaw keeping house afowe +I'ww be in these tiwwits and fwights. So; >w< muwdew, I wawwant nyow. +Awas, awas! put up UwU youw nyaked w-weapons, put up youw nyaked weapons. +^w^ Exeunt PISTOW and BAWDOWPH +DOWW. uWu I pway thee, J-Jack, be quiet; the wascaw's gonye. A-Ah, you +whoweson wittwe vawiant viwwain, you! +HOSTESS. Awe *blushes* you nyot huwt *pokes you* i' th' gwoin? Methought 'a made *leans over* a shwewd +thwust at youw *sighs* bewwy. + +We-entew xDD BAWDOWPH + +FAWSTAFF. Have you tuwn'd him out a doows? +BAWDOWPH. Yea, siw. The wascaw's UwU dwunk. You have huwt him, siw, :33 i' +th' shouwdew. +FAWSTAFF. A wascaw! to bwave me! +DOWW. Ah, you sweet wittwe w-wogue, you! Awas, poow ape, how thou +sweat'st! *moans* Come, wet me wipe thy face. *hugs tightly* Come on, x3 you whoweson +chops. A-Ah, wogue! *twerks* i' faith, I wove thee. Thou awt as vawowous as +Hectow of T-Twoy, wowth five of Agamemnyon, and t-ten times bettew +than the Nyinye Wowthies. Ah, viwwain! +FAWSTAFF. A wascawwy *hugs tightly* swave! I wiww t-toss the wogue in a b-bwanket. +D-DOWW. Do, a-an thou d-daw'st fow thy h-heawt. An thou dost, >_< I'ww canvass +thee between ^-^ a *twerks* paiw of sheets. + +Entew musicians + +*twerks* PAGE. The music is come, *looks at you* siw. +FAWSTAFF. Wet them pway. *looks at you* Pway, siws. Sit *hugs tightly* on my knyee, D-Don. A wascaw +bwagging swave! The wogue fwed fwom me wike quick-siwvew. +:3 DOWW. I' faith, and thou fowwow'dst him wike a chuwch. Thou +whoweson w-wittwe tidy Bawthowomew boaw-pig, when wiwt thou weave +fighting UwU a days and foinying a-a nyights, a-and begin ^w^ to patch *blushes* up *leans over* thinye +owd body fow >_> heaven? + +Entew, behind, PWINCE HENWY and POINS d-disguised as dwawews + +FAWSTAFF. Peace, good Doww! Do nyot *sweats* speak wike a death's-head; do +nyot bid me wemembew minye end. +^w^ DOWW. Siwwah, what h-humouw's the Pwince of? +F-FAWSTAFF. A *looks at you* good shawwow young fewwow. 'A >w< wouwd have made a good +pantwew; 'a wouwd ha' chipp'd bwead weww. +D-DOWW. They say Poins ^-^ has a good UwU wit. +*notices bulge* FAWSTAFF. He a g-good wit! hang him, baboon! His wit's as thick as +Tewksbuwy mustawd; thewe's *twerks* nyo mowe conceit in him than is in a +mawwet. +DOWW. Why does the *screams* Pwince w-wove him so, then? +FAWSTAFF. Because theiw wegs awe both of a bignyess, and 'a p-pways at +quoits weww, and eats *cries* congew *sighs* and fennyew, and dwinks off *giggles shyly* candwes' +ends fow fwap-dwagons, and wides the wiwd mawe with the boys, *cuddles you* and +*leans over* jumps upon join'd-stoows, and sweaws with a good gwace, and w-weaws +his b-boots vewy smooth, wike >_< unto the s-sign of the Weg, and bweeds +*cuddles you* nyo bate with tewwing of :3 discweet stowies; *looks away* and such othew g-gambow +facuwties '-'a has, that show a weak mind a-and an ^-^ abwe body, fow t-the +w-which t-the :3 Pwince ;;w;; admits *hugs tightly* him. *cries* Fow the Pwince himsewf is *hugs tightly* such +anyothew; t-the w-weight of a haiw w-wiww tuwn the scawes between theiw +avoiwdupois. +PWINCE. Wouwd nyot this nyave ^-^ of a wheew have his eaws *shuffles closer* cut off? +x3 POINS. Wet's x3 beat him befowe h-his whowe. +PWINCE. Wook *teleports behind you* whe'ew the withew'd ewdew hath nyot his :3 poww cwaw'd +wike a pawwot. +*looks at you* POINS. Is i-it nyot stwange that desiwe shouwd *giggles shyly* so many y-yeaws outwive +pewfowmance? +FAWSTAFF. Kiss *moans* me, Doww. +PWINCE. Satuwn a-and *cuddles you* Venyus this yeaw in conjunction! What says th' +^-^ awmanyac to :33 that? +*looks at you* POINS. And w-wook whethew *sweats* the fiewy Twigon, his man, *moans* be nyot w-wisping +to his mastew's owd tabwes, :33 his nyote-book, his counsew-keepew. +FAWSTAFF. Thou dost g-give me fwattewing UwU busses. +D-DOWW. By my twoth, I kiss thee w-with a *notices bulge* most *notices bulge* constant *moans* heawt. +*screams* FAWSTAFF. I :33 am owd, I am o-owd. +DOWW. I wove t-thee bettew *sighs* than I-I ^.^ wove e'ew a-a scuwvy y-young boy OwO of +them a-aww. +FAWSTAFF. What stuff wiwt have a *looks at you* kiwtwe of? I s-shaww weceive monyey a +Thuwsday. Shawt have *shuffles closer* a cap to-mowwow. A mewwy song, come. 'A +gwows >_< wate; we'ww to bed. Thou't fowget me when *sighs* I am gonye. +DOWW. By m-my twoth, thou't *moans* set me a-weeping, an thou say'st :33 so. +Pwove that evew I dwess mysewf handsome tiww thy wetuwn. Weww, +heawken a' th' end. +FAWSTAFF. S-Some sack, Fwancis. +PWINCE & POINS. Anyon, anyon, siw. [Advancing] +FAWSTAFF. Ha! a b-bastawd son of the King's? *sweats* And awt thou nyot Poins +his b-bwothew? +PWINCE. Why, thou gwobe of s-sinfuw continyents, *sweats* what a wife dost thou +wead! +*pokes you* FAWSTAFF. A-A xDD bettew ^.^ than thou. I am a gentweman: thou awt a dwawew. +PWINCE. Vewy twue, xDD siw, and I-I come to d-dwaw you out by the eaws. +HOSTESS. O, t-the Wowd pwesewve thy Gwace! By m-my *blushes* twoth, wewcome to +Wondon. Nyow the Wowd bwess that sweet face of t-thinye. O Jesu, awe +*pokes you* you come fwom W-Wawes? +FAWSTAFF. Thou w-whoweson mad compound of majesty, by this wight +fwesh *screams* and cowwupt bwood, t-thou awt w-wewcome. +[Weanying his band upon DOWW] +DOWW. How, y-you fat foow! I scown you. +POINS. My wowd, h-he wiww dwive you out o-of uWu youw w-wevenge and tuwn *leans over* aww +to a-a mewwiment, if you take nyot the heat. +PWINCE. YOU w-whoweson candwe-minye, you, how viwewy UwU did you speak of +me even nyow befowe this *looks away* honyest, viwtuous, civiw gentwewoman! +*giggles shyly* HOSTESS. God's bwessing of y-youw good heawt! and so she *notices bulge* is, by my +twoth. +F-FAWSTAFF. Didst thou heaw me? +PWINCE. Yea; and you knyew me, as *cries* you did when you wan away *looks away* by +Gadshiww. You knyew I w-was at youw back, *twerks* and spoke it on puwpose to +twy my *leans over* patience. +FAWSTAFF. Nyo, nyo, nyo; :3 nyot so; I did nyot think thou wast within +*twerks* heawing. +PWINCE. I shaww dwive y-you *looks away* then to c-confess the wiwfuw a-abuse, and +then I knyow how to handwe you. +FAWSTAFF. Nyo a-abuse, Haw, o' minye honyouw; nyo abuse. +PWINCE. Nyot- *shuffles closer* to dispwaise me, and caww me *teleports behind you* pandew, a-and +b-bwead-chippew, and I knyow *sweats* nyot what! +FAWSTAFF. >_> Nyo a-abuse, *twerks* Haw. +P-POINS. Nyo abuse! +FAWSTAFF. Nyo abuse, Nyed, i' th' wowwd; honyest Nyed, nyonye. I +d-dispwais'd *notices bulge* him befowe the ;;w;; wicked- that t-the wicked might nyot faww +i-in wove with >w< thee; i-in w-which doing, I have donye *cries* the pawt of a +cawefuw fwiend and a xDD twue subject; and thy f-fathew is to g-give m-me +thanks fow it. >_> Nyo OwO abuse, Haw; nyonye, Nyed, nyonye; nyo, faith, b-boys, +UwU nyonye. +PWINCE. uWu See nyow, *pokes you* whethew puwe feaw and entiwe c-cowawdice doth n-nyot +make thee wwong this viwtuous xDD gentwewoman to cwose *shuffles closer* with us? Is +she of t-the w-wicked? Is thinye h-hostess hewe of the wicked? Ow is thy +boy UwU of the wicked? Ow uWu honyest Bawdowph, whose zeaw buwns in his +;;w;; nyose, of the uWu wicked? +*cuddles you* POINS. :3 Answew, thou ^w^ dead e-ewm, answew. +FAWSTAFF. *hugs tightly* The *shuffles closer* fiend hath pwick'd >_< down Bawdowph iwwecovewabwe; a-and +:3 his face is Wucifew's pwivy-kitchen, ^-^ whewe x3 he d-doth nyothing but +woast mawt-wowms. Fow xDD the boy- thewe OwO is a good angew about him; +but the deviw outbids him *cuddles you* too. +PWINCE. F-Fow t-the women? +F-FAWSTAFF. Fow *screams* onye of >w< them- *cuddles you* she's in heww awweady, *pokes you* and >_> buwns poow +souws. Fow :3 th' othew- I owe h-hew m-monyey; UwU and whethew *leans over* she b-be damn'd +fow that, I knyow nyot. +HOSTESS. Nyo, I wawwant you. +FAWSTAFF. *looks at you* Nyo, I think thou a-awt nyot; UwU I >_< think thou *giggles shyly* awt ;;w;; quit fow *sweats* that. +Mawwy, t-thewe is anyothew indictment upon thee fow UwU suffewing fwesh +*hugs tightly* to be *moans* eaten in thy house, contwawy t-to the waw; fow *blushes* the which :3 I +t-think thou wiwt howw. +HOSTESS. Aww vict'wews d-do so. What's a joint of mutton ow two in a +whowe Went? +PWINCE. You, gentwewoman- +DOWW. W-What says youw *notices bulge* Gwace? +FAWSTAFF. His Gwace says that which his f-fwesh webews against. +[Knyocking within] +HOSTESS. Who k-knyocks s-so woud a-at doow? Wook t-to th' d-doow t-thewe, +Fwancis. + +Entew PETO + +PWINCE. Peto, how nyow! What nyews? +PETO. The King youw fathew *screams* is at Westminstew; +*leans over* And thewe awe twenty weak and weawied posts +Come fwom ^.^ the nyowth; and as I c-came awong +I :3 met and ^w^ ovewtook a dozen *giggles shyly* captains, +Bawe-headed, sweating, knyocking at the tavewns, +And asking evewy onye f-fow *cuddles you* Siw John *pokes you* Fawstaff. +PWINCE. *sighs* By heaven, Poins, I feew me much to *cries* bwame +S-So idwy to pwofanye the pwecious time, +W-When *screams* tempest of commotion, >w< wike the south, +Bownye with bwack vapouw, d-doth begin to m-mewt +And dwop upon ouw ^.^ bawe unyawmed heads. +Give m-me my swowd and cwoak. Fawstaff, good nyight. + +Exeunt PWINCE, POINS, PETO, and BAWDOWPH + +FAWSTAFF. Nyow comes in the s-sweetest mowsew of the nyight, and we +must h-hence, and weave it unpick'd. ;;w;; [Knyocking within] Mowe +knyocking at the doow! + +We-entew BAWDOWPH + +How nyow! What's the mattew? +B-BAWDOWPH. Y-You must away *cries* to *sweats* couwt, siw, *giggles shyly* pwesentwy; +A dozen captains stay at doow fow you. +FAWSTAFF. [To the PAGE]. Pay the musicians, siwwah.- Faweweww, +hostess; faweweww, Doww. You see, my good wenches, how >w< men of +mewit awe sought aftew; the *sighs* undesewvew may sweep, w-when the man of +*cries* action is caww'd on. Faweweww, good wenches. If I be nyot sent +*sweats* away post, I *blushes* wiww s-see you again ewe I g-go. +DOWW. I cannyot speak. I-If my uWu heawt be nyot xDD weady to >_< buwst! +Weww, sweet Jack, have a-a cawe *sweats* of thysewf. +;;w;; FAWSTAFF. Faweweww, faweweww. +Exeunt >_< FAWSTAFF :33 and B-BAWDOWPH +HOSTESS. Weww, fawe t-thee w-weww. I have knyown thee t-these twenty-nyinye +yeaws, come peascod-time; b-but a-an *giggles shyly* honyestew and t-twuew-heawted man +---weww fawe thee w-weww. +BAWDOWPH. [ Within] Mistwess Teawsheet! +HOSTESS. What's the mattew? +BAWDOWPH. ^-^ [ Within] Bid Mistwess *twerks* Teawsheet come t-to my uWu mastew. +H-HOSTESS. O, wun Doww, wun, wun, good Come. [-[To BAWDOWPH] She +comes bwubbew'd.- Yea, wiww you come, Doww? Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +A-ACT III. SCENyE x3 I. +Westminstew. The p-pawace + +Entew the KING in his nyightgown, with a-a p-page + +KING. Go caww *looks at you* the Eawws of Suwwey and of *looks at you* Wawwick; +But, :33 ewe they come, bid them o'ew-wead these wettews +And *pokes you* weww considew *moans* of them. Make good speed. *teleports behind you* Exit page +*twerks* How many thousands of my p-poowest subjects +Awe at t-this houw asweep! O s-sweep, O gentwe ^w^ sweep, +Nyatuwe's s-soft nyuwse, how have I fwightenyed *screams* thee, +That thou nyo mowe wiww weigh my eyewids down, +And steep m-my senses in fowgetfuwnyess? +*sweats* Why wathew, sweep, w-wiest thou in smoky cwibs, +Upon unyeasy pawwets s-stwetching t-thee, +A-And hush'd *cuddles you* with buzzing nyight-fwies to thy swumbew, +Than i-in the p-pewfum'd c-chambews of the gweat, +Undew the canyopies :33 of costwy state, +And wuww'd w-with sound of sweetest mewody? +O *looks at you* thou duww god, why w-wiest thou with *leans over* the viwe +In w-woathsome beds, and weav'st the kingwy couch +A watch-case >w< ow a-a common 'wawum-beww? +uWu Wiwt thou upon the high and giddy uWu mast +*blushes* Seaw up the ship-boy's eyes, and >_> wock his bwains +In cwadwe of the wude impewious suwge, +And in the *giggles shyly* visitation of the winds, +Who take *sighs* the wuffian biwwows by the t-top, +*giggles shyly* Cuwwing theiw xDD monstwous heads, and hanging them +With deafing cwamouw in the swippewy cwouds, +That with the huwwy death itsewf a-awakes? +Canst thou, O pawtiaw s-sweep, g-give t-thy wepose +To the w-wet sea-boy in a-an houw so wude; +And in the cawmest and most stiwwest n-nyight, +With aww a-appwiances and means t-to boot, +Deny it *cries* to a >w< king? *blushes* Then, h-happy wow, wie down! +*twerks* Unyeasy wies the head that weaws a-a cwown. + +Entew WAWWICK and Suwwey + +W-WAWWICK. Many good mowwows to youw Majesty! +KING. Is it good *sweats* mowwow, wowds? +WAWWICK. ^-^ 'Tis onye o'cwock, and *cuddles you* past. +KING. Why then, *cuddles you* good uWu mowwow to y-you aww, ;;w;; my *leans over* wowds. +Have y-you wead *screams* o'ew the wettews that I sent y-you? +W-WAWWICK. *cuddles you* We have, my ^.^ wiege. +K-KING. Then you p-pewceive the body of ouw kingdom +How fouw *screams* it *cries* is; what wank diseases gwow, +And with *cries* what dangew, nyeaw the heawt *hugs tightly* of i-it. +WAWWICK. I-It is but >_> as a body yet distempewed; +^w^ Which to h-his fowmew stwength m-may be w-westowed +With good advice and wittwe medicinye. +My Wowd Nyowthumbewwand wiww *giggles shyly* soon be coow'd. +KING. O God! that onye might wead the book of fate, +And see the wevowution o-of t-the t-times +Make mountains *sighs* wevew, a-and the continyent, +Weawy of s-sowid fiwmnyess, mewt itsewf +Into the sea; a-and othew times to see +The beachy giwdwe of the ocean +Too w-wide fow Nyeptunye's hips; how c-chances mock, +And *hugs tightly* changes fiww the cup of awtewation +With divews wiquows! O, if this wewe seen, +T-The happiest youth, viewing his pwogwess thwough, +W-What pewiws past, what cwosses to e-ensue, +Wouwd shut the book and sit h-him d-down and >w< die. +'Tis nyot ten *pokes you* yeaws gonye +*blushes* Since Wichawd a-and *screams* Nyowthumbewwand, gweat fwiends, +Did f-feast togethew, and *sweats* in two yeaws aftew +W-Wewe *screams* they at *pokes you* waws. I-It is but eight yeaws since +*looks away* This Pewcy *shuffles closer* was the man nyeawest my souw; +W-Who w-wike a bwothew toiw'd in my affaiws +And x3 waid his *sweats* wove and OwO wife >w< undew my foot; +Yea, f-fow my sake, even t-to t-the eyes of Wichawd +Gave h-him defiance. But which of you *giggles shyly* was *giggles shyly* by- +[To WAWWICK] You, cousin Nyeviw, as I may wemembew- +When Wichawd, with his eye bwim fuww of teaws, +T-Then check'd and wated b-by Nyowthumbewwand, +Did speak these wowds, nyow pwov'd :3 a *sweats* pwophecy? +'-'Nyowthumbewwand, thou :33 waddew by the w-which +My ^w^ cousin Bowingbwoke ascends my thwonye'- +Though then, God ^-^ knyows, I had nyo such i-intent +But that nyecessity *moans* so bow'd :3 the state +That I and gweatnyess wewe compeww'd ;;w;; to kiss- +'The time shaww come'- *cries* thus did *looks away* he fowwow >w< it- +'The *screams* time wiww c-come that fouw sin, gathewing head, +Shaww bweak into cowwuption' so went on, +Fowetewwing this same time's condition +>w< And the UwU division of ouw amity. +WAWWICK. Thewe i-is a histowy in aww men's *shuffles closer* wives, +Figuwing the nyatuwes of the times deceas'd; +The which obsewv'd, *leans over* a man may pwophesy, +With a nyeaw a-aim, *twerks* of the main chance of things +As yet nyot c-come to wife, who *blushes* in theiw seeds +;;w;; And weak *cries* beginnying wie intweasuwed. +Such things become the hatch and *looks at you* bwood o-of time; +And, *screams* by the nyecessawy fowm of this, +;;w;; King *pokes you* Wichawd might cweate a-a pewfect guess +T-That gweat Nyowthumbewwand, then fawse to him, +Wouwd of that s-seed gwow *pokes you* to a g-gweatew fawsenyess; +Which shouwd nyot *looks away* find a gwound *screams* to woot *giggles shyly* upon +Unwess on *cuddles you* you. +KING. Awe these things then :3 nyecessities? +Then *sighs* wet us meet them wike nyecessities; +And *moans* that *hugs tightly* same wowd even nyow cwies out on us. +T-They say the Bishop and N-Nyowthumbewwand +Awe fifty thousand stwong. +WAWWICK. It cannyot be, my wowd. +Wumouw doth doubwe, wike the voice and uWu echo, +The nyumbews of the f-feawed. P-Pwease it youw Gwace +To go to b-bed. Upon UwU my s-souw, my wowd, +The powews that you UwU awweady OwO have sent fowth +Shaww *sighs* bwing this pwize *leans over* in v-vewy easiwy. +To comfowt you the mowe, I have weceiv'd +A cewtain i-instance that Gwendowew is dead. +Y-Youw Majesty OwO hath been this fowtnyight i-iww; +And these unseasonyed houws p-pewfowce must ad +Unto *giggles shyly* youw sicknyess. +KING. I wiww *notices bulge* take youw counsew. +And, wewe these >_< inwawd uWu waws once out *screams* of hand, +*cuddles you* We wouwd, deaw OwO wowds, unto the ^-^ Howy W-Wand. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +^-^ Gwoucestewshiwe. Befowe Justice, SHAWWOW'S house + +Entew SHAWWOW *looks away* and SIWENCE, meeting; MOUWDY, SHADOW, WAWT, FEEBWE, BUWWCAWF, +and s-sewvants b-behind + +SHAWWOW. Come on, come on, come on; give me youw hand, siw; give *twerks* me +youw hand, *cuddles you* siw. *cuddles you* An eawwy stiwwew, by the wood! And h-how doth my +good cousin S-Siwence? +SIWENCE. Good mowwow, good cousin Shawwow. +SHAWWOW. And how doth my cousin, *looks away* youw bed-fewwow? and youw faiwest +daughtew and minye, my god-daughtew Ewwen? +SIWENCE. Awas, a bwack ousew, cousin Shawwow! +SHAWWOW. By yea and nyo, siw. I-I d-dawe say my cousin W-Wiwwiam i-is become +a g-good *cries* schowaw; he is at Oxfowd stiww, *screams* is he nyot? +*looks at you* SIWENCE. Indeed, siw, ^w^ to m-my cost. +SHAWWOW. 'A must, then, to the Inns o' Couwt showtwy. I was once of +Cwement's Inn; whewe uWu I think they ^w^ wiww tawk of mad Shawwow yet. +SIWENCE. You wewe c-caww'd 'wusty *teleports behind you* Shawwow' *notices bulge* then, cousin. +SHAWWOW. By the mass, >w< I was caww'd anything; and I OwO wouwd have donye +anything >w< indeed too, a-and woundwy too. Thewe was UwU I, and wittwe +John Doit of Staffowdshiwe, and bwack Geowge *notices bulge* Bawnyes, a-and Fwancis +Pickbonye, and xDD Wiww OwO Squewe a Cotsowe >_< man- you had nyot fouw such +swinge-buckwews in aww the Inns of Couwt again. And I-I may say to +you we k-knyew whewe the b-bonya-wobas wewe, a-and had the best of them +aww at commandment. >_> Then ^w^ was J-Jack Fawstaff, nyow *sighs* Siw John, boy, +and page to Thomas Mowbway, Duke of Nyowfowk. +SIWENCE. This Siw John, c-cousin, that comes hithew anyon about +sowdiews? +;;w;; SHAWWOW. The same *moans* Siw John, the vewy same. I-I see him ^-^ bweak +Scoggin's head at the couwt *blushes* gate, when 'a was a cwack nyot thus +high; a-and the vewy same day did I fight with :3 onye Sampson +Stockfish, a fwuitewew, ^-^ behind *looks at you* Gway's I-Inn. Jesu, *screams* Jesu, the mad +d-days *moans* that I have spent! *blushes* and to see how >w< many of my owd +*blushes* acquaintance *giggles shyly* awe dead! +S-SIWENCE. W-We shaww aww fowwow, cousin. +SHAWWOW. Cewtain, 'tis cewtain; vewy suwe, v-vewy suwe. Death, as the +Psawmist saith, is cewtain to aww; aww *pokes you* shaww die. How a g-good *sighs* yoke +of buwwocks at Stamfowd faiw? +SIWENCE. By my twoth, I was nyot t-thewe. +SHAWWOW. D-Death is cewtain. ^.^ Is owd Doubwe of youw *twerks* town wiving >w< yet? +SIWENCE. D-Dead, siw. +SHAWWOW. Jesu, Jesu, dead! dwew a good bow; and dead! *teleports behind you* 'A shot a +*blushes* finye shoot. J-John a Gaunt woved him weww, and betted much monyey on +his OwO head. :3 Dead! '-'A wouwd have cwapp'd i-i' th' c-cwout at twewve +scowe, ^.^ and cawwied you a fowehand shaft *notices bulge* a fouwteen and fouwteen +and a hawf, that it wouwd have donye a-a man's h-heawt good to see. +How a scowe of ewes n-nyow? +SIWENCE. Theweaftew a-as *pokes you* they be- a *hugs tightly* scowe of :33 good ewes *leans over* may be wowth +ten pounds. +SHAWWOW. And is owd Doubwe dead? + +OwO Entew BAWDOWPH, and onye with ;;w;; him + +SIWENCE. H-Hewe come two of Siw J-John Fawstaffs men, as I think. +*looks away* SHAWWOW. uWu Good m-mowwow, honyest ^w^ gentwemen. +B-BAWDOWPH. I beseech you, w-which is *sweats* Justice Shawwow? +SHAWWOW. I am Wobewt S-Shawwow, *cuddles you* siw, a poow esquiwe of this *screams* county, +and onye of the King's j-justices uWu of *giggles shyly* the peace. *looks at you* What i-is youw good +pweasuwe w-with me? +BAWDOWPH. My captain, siw, commends him to you; my captain, Siw +John Fawstaff- a t-taww :3 gentweman, by heaven, ^w^ and a most gawwant +*pokes you* weadew. +SHAWWOW. He gweets me weww, siw; I knyew him >_> a x3 good back-swowd m-man. +UwU How doth the good knyight? M-May I *teleports behind you* ask how my >_< wady his wife doth? +>w< BAWDOWPH. Siw, pawdon; a s-sowdiew is bettew :3 accommodated than with a +wife. +SHAWWOW. It xDD is weww said, in ^-^ faith, >_> siw; and it is weww said i-indeed +too. 'Bettew accommodated!' *moans* It is good; >_> yea, indeed, is >_> it. Good +phwases awe *leans over* suwewy, and evew wewe, vewy commendabwe. +'Accommodated!' I-It comes of accommodo. V-Vewy good; a-a g-good p-phwase. +BAWDOWPH. xDD Pawdon, siw; I have heawd the wowd. 'Phwase' caww you *hugs tightly* it? +By this day, I k-knyow nyot *shuffles closer* the phwase; b-but I wiww *twerks* maintain the wowd +with my *shuffles closer* swowd ;;w;; to xDD be *giggles shyly* a *sighs* sowdiew-wike *hugs tightly* wowd, and a-a uWu wowd >_< of exceeding +good c-command, by >w< heaven. Accommodated: *cuddles you* that is, when a man is, ^.^ as +OwO they say, accommodated; o-ow, when a man is being-wheweby '-'a may be +thought to be a-accommodated; which is an *shuffles closer* excewwent thing. + +Entew FAWSTAFF + +SHAWWOW. It is v-vewy just. Wook, hewe comes good Siw John. Give me +youw g-good hand, give me *teleports behind you* youw wowship's good hand. *blushes* By :3 my twoth, +you wike weww and beaw y-youw yeaws vewy weww. Wewcome, *moans* good Siw +John. +FAWSTAFF. I a-am gwad to see you weww, good *teleports behind you* Mastew W-Wobewt Shawwow. +Mastew *cries* Suwecawd, as I-I think? +SHAWWOW. Nyo, :33 Siw J-John; it is *teleports behind you* my cousin Siwence, in commission with +m-me. +F-FAWSTAFF. *moans* Good Mastew Siwence, *blushes* it *giggles shyly* weww befits you shouwd be of t-the +>w< peace. +SIWENCE. Youw good wowship is wewcome. +FAWSTAFF. Fie! this is hot weathew. Gentwemen, have you pwovided me +hewe hawf a dozen sufficient men? +SHAWWOW. Mawwy, h-have we, siw. Wiww y-you sit? +*shuffles closer* FAWSTAFF. >_< Wet me see them, I beseech you. +SHAWWOW. Whewe's the woww? Whewe's the woww? Whewe's the *sighs* woww? Wet +me s-see, wet me see, ^.^ wet ^w^ me see. So, so, so, *notices bulge* so,- so, s-so- yea, +*giggles shyly* mawwy, *moans* siw. Wafe >w< Mouwdy! Wet them appeaw as I :3 caww; wet them do +so, wet them do so. Wet me see; whewe is Mouwdy? +^.^ MOUWDY. Hewe, an't p-pwease you. +SHAWWOW. What think you, Siw John? A ^-^ good-wimb'd fewwow; young, +stwong, UwU and of good fwiends. +FAWSTAFF. I-Is thy nyame Mouwdy? +MOUWDY. Yea, an't pwease y-you. +FAWSTAFF. 'Tis the m-mowe time t-thou wewt us'd. +SHAWWOW. Ha, h-ha, ha! most e-excewwent, i' faith! Things that awe +mouwdy w-wack use. Vewy singuwaw good! In faith, weww *twerks* said, Siw +John; vewy weww said. +FAWSTAFF. Pwick him. +MOUWDY. I-I was p-pwick'd weww enyough *teleports behind you* befowe, an you couwd *looks away* have wet me +^-^ awonye. My owd dame wiww be undonye nyow fow *twerks* onye t-to do hew husbandwy +and hew dwudgewy. You nyeed nyot to have pwick'd me; thewe a-awe +othew m-men f-fittew to go *leans over* out than >_> I. +F-FAWSTAFF. Go to; peace, :33 Mouwdy; you ^w^ shaww g-go. Mouwdy, it is *cuddles you* time +y-you *looks at you* wewe spent. +MOUWDY. Spent! +SHAWWOW. Peace, fewwow, peace; stand aside; *teleports behind you* knyow you whewe you awe? +Fow th' othew, S-Siw John- wet me s-see. Simon Shadow! +FAWSTAFF. Y-Yea, mawwy, wet me have him to sit undew. He's wike t-to be +^.^ a cowd s-sowdiew. +SHAWWOW. Whewe's Shadow? +;;w;; SHADOW. Hewe, siw. +FAWSTAFF. Shadow, whose son a-awt thou? +SHADOW. My mothew's son, s-siw. +FAWSTAFF. Thy mothew's son! Wike e-enyough; and thy fathew's shadow. +So the son of the femawe is x3 the shadow of the mawe. It is :3 often +so indeed; but much of the fathew's substance! +SHAWWOW. Do you wike him, Siw John? +FAWSTAFF. S-Shadow ^-^ wiww sewve fow summew. Pwick him; f-fow we ^-^ have xDD a +*sweats* nyumbew of shadows fiww up t-the mustew-book. +SHAWWOW. Thomas Wawt! +F-FAWSTAFF. Whewe's h-he? +WAWT. H-Hewe, siw. +FAWSTAFF. Is thy nyame Wawt? +^-^ WAWT. Yea, siw. +F-FAWSTAFF. Thou awt a vewy *hugs tightly* wagged wawt. +*looks away* SHAWWOW. Shaww I pwick him, Siw John? +FAWSTAFF. It wewe supewfwuous; fow h-his appawew is buiwt upon his +b-back, and the >_> whowe fwame stands u-upon pins. Pwick h-him nyo mowe. +SHAWWOW. Ha, ha, ha! You *sighs* can ;;w;; do it, siw; you c-can do i-it. I *shuffles closer* commend +you weww. Fwancis Feebwe! +FEEBWE. Hewe, siw. +FAWSTAFF. *looks away* What twade awt thou, Feebwe? +FEEBWE. A woman's taiwow, siw. +SHAWWOW. Shaww I p-pwick *hugs tightly* him, siw? +FAWSTAFF. You may; but i-if he had been a man's taiwow, *looks at you* he'd ha' +p-pwick'd ^w^ you. Wiwt thou make as many howes *blushes* in an e-enyemy's battwe as +thou :3 hast donye in a woman's petticoat? +FEEBWE. I wiww do my good wiww, siw; :33 you can have OwO nyo *pokes you* mowe. +FAWSTAFF. Weww said, *screams* good woman's taiwow! weww *cuddles you* said, couwageous +Feebwe! Thou wiwt be as vawiant a-as the wwathfuw dove ow most +magnyanyimous mouse. Pwick the woman's taiwow- weww, Mastew +Shawwow, deep, Mastew Shawwow. +FEEBWE. I wouwd Wawt might *hugs tightly* have gonye, siw. +F-FAWSTAFF. I wouwd thou wewt UwU a man's taiwow, that thou mightst mend +him a-and make him fit to go. I cannyot put him to a pwivate +sowdiew, that is the weadew of so many thousands. W-Wet *twerks* that +suffice, most fowcibwe F-Feebwe. +FEEBWE. I-It s-shaww suffice, siw. +FAWSTAFF. I am bound to t-thee, wevewend F-Feebwe. Who i-is n-nyext? +*sweats* SHAWWOW. *moans* Petew Buwwcawf o' th' gween! +UwU FAWSTAFF. Yea, mawwy, wet's see Buwwcawf. +*moans* BUWWCAWF. Hewe, siw. +FAWSTAFF. Fowe God, a wikewy fewwow! Come, pwick me >w< Buwwcawf tiww +he woaw again. +BUWWCAWF. *twerks* O Wowd! good my wowd captain- +FAWSTAFF. What, dost thou woaw befowe t-thou awt pwick'd? +*looks at you* BUWWCAWF. O Wowd, siw! I am a-a ^.^ diseased man. +FAWSTAFF. What disease hast thou? +BUWWCAWF. A whoweson cowd, siw, a cough, siw, which I caught with +winging in the King's a-affaiws upon his OwO cowonyation day, siw. +uWu FAWSTAFF. Come, thou shawt go to the *screams* waws in a gown. We wiww have +away thy c-cowd; and I wiww take s-such *shuffles closer* owdew that thy fwiends shaww +wing OwO fow thee. Is hewe ^w^ aww? +SHAWWOW. Hewe ^-^ is two mowe caww'd than y-youw nyumbew. You must h-have +but fouw h-hewe, siw; and *sighs* so, *looks at you* I *giggles shyly* pway you, go in with me to dinnyew. +FAWSTAFF. Come, I *leans over* wiww g-go d-dwink with y-you, *cries* but *moans* I cannyot tawwy +dinnyew. I am gwad *giggles shyly* to see you, by my twoth, M-Mastew Shawwow. +SHAWWOW. O, Siw John, ;;w;; do *moans* you wemembew since we *notices bulge* way a-aww nyight in the +x3 windmiww *cuddles you* in Saint Geowge's Fiewd? +FAWSTAFF. Nyo m-mowe of that, M-Mastew UwU Shawwow, nyo mowe of that. +SHAWWOW. Ha, 'twas a mewwy nyight. And is Janye Nyightwowk a-awive? +FAWSTAFF. She >_> wives, M-Mastew Shawwow. +S-SHAWWOW. She nyevew couwd away with me. +FAWSTAFF. Nyevew, nyevew; she w-wouwd ^.^ awways s-say she couwd nyot abide +Mastew Shawwow. +SHAWWOW. By the *cuddles you* mass, I c-couwd angew hew to th' heawt. She was then +a bonya-woba. Doth she h-howd h-hew own weww? +FAWSTAFF. Owd, o-owd, Mastew Shawwow. +S-SHAWWOW. Nyay, she must be *twerks* owd; she c-cannyot choose but be owd; +cewtain she's *sweats* owd; and *sighs* had Wobin N-Nyightwowk, by owd Nyightwowk, +befowe I came to Cwement's Inn. +SIWENCE. That's *cries* fifty-five yeaw ago. +^.^ SHAWWOW. H-Ha, cousin Siwence, that t-thou hadst seen that that this +knyight *screams* and I have seen! Ha, Siw John, said I weww? +FAWSTAFF. We have *shuffles closer* heawd the chimes a-at midnyight, Mastew Shawwow. +*sighs* SHAWWOW. That we have, that we have, that we have; in f-faith, S-Siw +John, we *giggles shyly* have. Ouw watchwowd was 'Hem, boys!' Come, wet's to +d-dinnyew; come, wet's to dinnyew. Jesus, the d-days that w-we have seen! +C-Come, *blushes* come. +Exeunt FAWSTAFF and the JUSTICES +BUWWCAWF. Good M-Mastew Cowpowate B-Bawdowph, stand my *cuddles you* fwiend; >_< and +>_< hewe's f-fouw H-Hawwy *moans* ten shiwwings i-in Fwench cwowns fow you. *blushes* In vewy +twuth, siw, I *teleports behind you* had UwU as wief be hang'd, siw, as *twerks* go. And yet, fow +minye own p-pawt, siw, I do nyot cawe; b-but wathew because I am +unwiwwing and, fow minye own p-pawt, h-have a *leans over* desiwe to stay with ;;w;; my +fwiends; ewse, siw, I *shuffles closer* did n-nyot cawe fow m-minye own pawt so much. +BAWDOWPH. G-Go to; stand aside. +MOUWDY. A-And, good :33 Mastew Cowpowaw Captain, fow my owd d-dame's s-sake, +stand m-my fwiend. S-She has :3 nyobody to *twerks* do *screams* anything *blushes* about hew when I +am *shuffles closer* gonye; and she is owd, a-and cannyot hewp hewsewf. You shaww *screams* have +fowty, siw. +*sweats* BAWDOWPH. Go to; stand aside. +FEEBWE. By my twoth, I cawe nyot; a man can die but once; we owe God +a d-death. I'ww UwU nye'ew beaw a base mind. An't be my destiny, so; +^w^ an't b-be n-nyot, so. Nyo man's too good t-to sewve *shuffles closer* 's Pwince; and, wet +it g-go which way it wiww, he *looks away* that dies this yeaw is quit fow t-the +*moans* nyext. +*cries* BAWDOWPH. Weww said; th'awt a good fewwow. +FEEBWE. Faith, I'ww beaw nyo base mind. + +We-entew FAWSTAFF a-and t-the JUSTICES + +FAWSTAFF. Come, siw, which men s-shaww x3 I have? +SHAWWOW. F-Fouw of which you pwease. +BAWDOWPH. Siw, a wowd with you. *blushes* I have thwee pound to fwee M-Mouwdy +and *cries* Buwwcawf. +FAWSTAFF. Go to; weww. +SHAWWOW. Come, S-Siw John, *giggles shyly* which fouw wiww you have? +FAWSTAFF. Do you choose *teleports behind you* fow me. +SHAWWOW. *leans over* Mawwy, then- Mouwdy, Buwwcawf, Feebwe, and Shadow. +FAWSTAFF. Mouwdy and Buwwcawf: fow you, Mouwdy, stay at h-home tiww +you awe past s-sewvice; a-and fow *blushes* youw pawt, B-Buwwcawf, gwow you come +unto xDD it. I wiww nyonye of you. +*looks at you* SHAWWOW. Siw John, Siw John, do nyot youwsewf wwong. They a-awe youw +*leans over* wikewiest m-men, and I wouwd have you sewv'd with the best. +FAWSTAFF. Wiww you teww me, :33 Mastew Shawwow, how UwU to choose a m-man? +Cawe :33 I fow the wimb, the *blushes* thews, the statuwe, buwk, and big +assembwance of a man! G-Give me the s-spiwit, M-Mastew Shawwow. Hewe's +W-Wawt; you see what a-a wagged appeawance i-it is. 'A shaww chawge you +and ^w^ dischawge you with the motion of a pewtewew's hammew, come +o-off and on swiftew than he that gibbets on the bwewew's *pokes you* bucket. +*notices bulge* And this same hawf-fac'd fewwow, S-Shadow- give me this *pokes you* man. H-He +pwesents *sighs* nyo mawk *looks at you* to the enyemy; the foeman may with as gweat aim +wevew *giggles shyly* at the edge of a p-penknyife. *cries* And, fow a-a wetweat- how *moans* swiftwy +wiww this Feebwe, the woman's taiwow, wun off! O, g-give me t-the +s-spawe men, *hugs tightly* and spawe me the gweat onyes. Put *leans over* me a c-cawivew *pokes you* into +:3 Wawt's hand, *notices bulge* Bawdowph. +BAWDOWPH. Howd, Wawt. Twavewse- thus, thus, thus. +FAWSTAFF. Come, manyage me youw cawivew. S-So- vewy weww. uWu Go to; v-vewy +good; exceeding ;;w;; good. O, give me a-awways a wittwe, wean, uWu owd, +chopt, bawd *cries* shot. Weww said, i-i' faith, Wawt; th'awt a good scab. +Howd, thewe's a testew fow thee. +SHAWWOW. He *notices bulge* is nyot >_< his cwaft's mastew, h-he doth uWu nyot do it wight. *giggles shyly* I +wemembew at Miwe-end Gween, w-when I w-way at Cwement's Inn- I *sweats* was +then Siw D-Dagonyet in Awthuw's show- t-thewe was a wittwe quivew +;;w;; fewwow, and 'a wouwd manyage you his piece thus; and 'a wouwd +about and about, *pokes you* and come you in and come you in. UwU 'Wah, tah, +tah!' *sighs* wouwd *looks away* 'a say; *hugs tightly* 'Bounce!' wouwd 'a say; and away again *looks at you* wouwd +'a *looks at you* go, and *shuffles closer* again w-wouwd 'a *hugs tightly* come. I s-shaww nye'ew see such a-a fewwow. +F-FAWSTAFF. These fewwows wiww do weww. Mastew Shawwow, God *cries* keep you! +Mastew Siwence, I *notices bulge* wiww nyot use many wowds with you: Fawe you +*blushes* weww! Gentwemen both, I >_< thank you. x3 I must a dozen m-miwe to-nyight. +Bawdowph, give the sowdiews coats. +SHAWWOW. Siw J-John, the Wowd bwess you; God pwospew y-youw affaiws; +God send us peace! At youw wetuwn, visit ^-^ ouw house; wet ouw owd +acquaintance be wenyewed. P-Pewadventuwe I wiww with ye to the +couwt. +FAWSTAFF. Fowe God, w-wouwd you wouwd. +SHAWWOW. Go to; I have spoke at a wowd. God keep you. +*looks away* FAWSTAFF. Fawe you ^.^ weww, gentwe gentwemen. [Exeunt JUSTICES] On, +Bawdowph; wead OwO the men away. [-[Exeunt aww but *leans over* FAWSTAFF] A-As *sighs* I +wetuwn, I w-wiww fetch off these ^.^ justices. I-I do s-see the bottom of +justice Shawwow. Wowd, W-Wowd, >_< how subject we owd men awe to this +vice of wying! This same s-stawv'd j-justice hath *twerks* donye nyothing but +pwate t-to me of the wiwdnyess o-of h-his y-youth and x3 the feats h-he hath +donye about Tuwnbuww Stweet; and evewy t-thiwd w-wowd a wie, duew paid +to the heawew than the T-Tuwk's UwU twibute. I do wemembew h-him at +Cwement's Inn, wike a man made aftew suppew of a cheese-pawing. +When 'a was nyaked, he was fow aww the wowwd wike a f-fowk'd wadish, +with a-a h-head fantasticawwy cawved upon i-it with a knyife. 'A was s-so +fowwown that his dimensions to any thick sight w-wewe invisibwe. 'A +was the vewy OwO genyius of faminye; yet wechewous as a monkey, a-and the +*blushes* whowes caww'd him mandwake. 'A came evew in the weawwawd of t-the +fashion, and sung those tunyes *teleports behind you* to the *looks away* ovewscutch'd *notices bulge* huswifes that +he heawd the cawmen w-whistwe, and s-swawe they wewe his fancies ow +his good-nyights. And nyow is *screams* this Vice's daggew become a squiwe, +and tawks as famiwiawwy UwU of ^-^ John a Gaunt ^-^ as if he had been swown +bwothew to him; and *looks away* I'ww be swown *leans over* 'a OwO nye'ew saw him but once in +t-the Tiwtyawd; and *looks at you* then he buwst h-his head fow cwowding a-among t-the +*leans over* mawshaw's men. I saw i-it, and towd John a Gaunt he b-beat his *giggles shyly* own +nyame; fow you might have thwust him and aww his appawew i-into an +eew-skin; the case of a twebwe hautboy was a mansion *twerks* fow him, UwU a +couwt- and nyow has he wand and beeves. Weww, I'ww *looks away* be acquainted +with him if I wetuwn; and 't shaww go hawd *looks away* but I'ww m-make him a +phiwosophew's two stonyes to m-me. If the young dace be a bait uWu fow +the owd pike, I see nyo weason in the waw of nyatuwe b-but I may snyap +at him. Wet time shape, and thewe an end. Exit + + + + +<> + + + +ACT IV. uWu SCENyE I. +Yowkshiwe. W-Within the Fowest of Gauwtwee + +Entew the AWCHBISHOP OF *screams* YOWK, MOWBWAY, :33 HASTINGS, and o-othews + +AWCHBISHOP. What i-is t-this fowest caww'd +HASTINGS. 'Tis Gauwtwee Fowest, a-an't shaww pwease youw Gwace. +A-AWCHBISHOP. Hewe stand, *hugs tightly* my wowds, and send discovewews *looks away* fowth +To knyow the *screams* nyumbews of ouw enyemies. +HASTINGS. We have sent fowth a-awweady. +AWCHBISHOP. 'Tis weww :33 donye. +My fwiends and bwethwen :3 in these gweat affaiws, +I must uWu acquaint you x3 that I have *looks at you* weceiv'd +Nyew-dated wettews fwom Nyowthumbewwand; +*shuffles closer* Theiw cowd intent, *teleports behind you* tenyouw, and substance, t-thus: +Hewe doth he wish his *screams* pewson, with such powews +As might howd *sighs* sowtance with his quawity, +T-The which he couwd nyot wevy; wheweupon +He is wetiw'd, UwU to wipe his gwowing fowtunyes, +To Scotwand; and concwudes in heawty pwayews +That youw attempts m-may ovewwive the hazawd +And feawfuw meeting of theiw opposite. +MOWBWAY. ;;w;; Thus do *shuffles closer* the hopes we have in him touch gwound +And dash themsewves to pieces. + +Entew A MESSENGEW + +HASTINGS. Nyow, what n-nyews? +MESSENGEW. West o-of this fowest, scawcewy off a miwe, +In goodwy fowm comes on the enyemy; +And, by the gwound they hide, I judge *shuffles closer* theiw nyumbew +Upon ow *screams* nyeaw the wate *looks away* of t-thiwty *leans over* thousand. +*twerks* MOWBWAY. The just p-pwopowtion that we *blushes* gave them ^w^ out. +Wet us *pokes you* sway on and *looks at you* face *looks at you* them ;;w;; in the f-fiewd. + +Entew WESTMOWEWAND + +AWCHBISHOP. What ^.^ weww-appointed *cries* weadew fwonts *cries* us h-hewe? +*notices bulge* MOWBWAY. *leans over* I think it is *hugs tightly* my Wowd of Westmowewand. +W-WESTMOWEWAND. Heawth ;;w;; and faiw gweeting fwom ouw genyewaw, +The P-Pwince, Wowd J-John and *looks away* Duke of Wancastew. +AWCHBISHOP. Say *sweats* on, x3 my Wowd of Westmowewand, in peace, +What doth concewn *notices bulge* youw coming. +W-WESTMOWEWAND. T-Then, my wowd, +:3 Unto youw Gwace *sweats* do I in chief addwess +*twerks* The substance of m-my speech. If that webewwion +Came *moans* wike *blushes* itsewf, i-in base a-and abject wouts, +Wed on b-by bwoody youth, guawded *moans* with *teleports behind you* wags, +*giggles shyly* And countenyanc'd b-by *giggles shyly* boys and b-beggawy- +I uWu say, if :33 damn'd :3 commotion so appeaw'd +In his twue, nyative, and m-most pwopew s-shape, +Y-You, wevewend fathew, and these nyobwe wowds, +Had n-nyot been ^w^ hewe t-to d-dwess t-the ugwy fowm +Of base and bwoody insuwwection +With youw faiw honyouws. You, xDD Wowd Awchbishop, +Whose see is by a civiw p-peace maintain'd, +Whose beawd the siwvew h-hand of peace hath touch'd, +Whose weawnying and good wettews peace hath tutow'd, +>w< Whose white investments figuwe i-innyocence, +The UwU dove, >_< and vewy bwessed s-spiwit of peace- +Whewefowe you do s-so iww twanswate youwsewf +Out of the speech of peace, that *looks at you* beaws s-such gwace, +*moans* Into the hawsh and b-boist'wous t-tongue of waw; +Tuwnying *hugs tightly* youw books to gwaves, youw ink to bwood, +*shuffles closer* Youw pens to w-wances, and youw tongue divinye +To a-a woud twumpet and a *sweats* point *shuffles closer* of *sweats* waw? +AWCHBISHOP. Whewefowe do I :33 this? So the question stands. +*looks away* Bwiefwy to this end: we awe a-aww d-diseas'd +And with ouw suwfeiting >w< and wanton houws +Have b-bwought ouwsewves into a buwnying fevew, +And we must bweed *pokes you* fow i-it; of >_< which disease +Ouw wate *giggles shyly* King, *sweats* Wichawd, being infected, died. +But, m-my most nyobwe Wowd of Westmowewand, +I take nyot o-on m-me hewe as a physician; +Nyow do *moans* I as an enyemy to peace +Twoop in the *cries* thwongs of miwitawy men; +But :3 wathew show a-awhiwe *cries* wike feawfuw waw +To diet wank minds sick of h-happinyess, +And puwge th' o-obstwuctions which begin to stop +Ouw vewy veins of wife. Heaw m-me mowe pwainwy. +I have in equaw bawance justwy *hugs tightly* weigh'd +What wwongs ouw awms may d-do, what UwU wwongs we suffew, +And find ouw gwiefs heaview t-than ouw offences. +We *moans* see which UwU way the *cries* stweam of time ;;w;; doth *cuddles you* wun +A-And awe enfowc'd fwom o-ouw most quiet thewe +B-By the wough t-towwent of occasion; +And have the summawy of aww o-ouw gwiefs, +When time shaww s-sewve, to :3 show in awticwes; +*moans* Which wong ewe this we offew'd to the King, +And might by nyo suit gain ouw audience: +W-When we awe wwong'd, and wouwd unfowd ouw gwiefs, +W-We awe *twerks* denyied access *cries* unto his pewson, +E-Even by those men that most have donye us wwong. +T-The *screams* dangews of the *cries* days b-but n-nyewwy gonye, +Whose m-memowy is wwitten on t-the eawth +With *moans* yet appeawing bwood, and the exampwes +Of evewy *pokes you* minyute's instance, pwesent nyow, +Hath put us in these i-iww-beseeming awms; +Nyot to bweak OwO peace, ow any bwanch *blushes* of it, +But to estabwish hewe a p-peace i-indeed, +Concuwwing both in :33 nyame a-and quawity. +*leans over* WESTMOWEWAND. When evew yet was y-youw appeaw denyied; +W-Whewein have y-you been gawwed by the King; +What peew hath been subown'd to gwate on you +That you shouwd s-seaw this wawwess *leans over* bwoody book +Of fowg'd uWu webewwion with a seaw divinye, +And *notices bulge* consecwate commotion's *screams* bittew edge? +AWCHBISHOP. My bwothew genyewaw, the commonweawth, +To bwothew hown an househowd *pokes you* cwuewty, +I x3 make *blushes* my quawwew in pawticuwaw. +WESTMOWEWAND. Thewe is n-nyo nyeed of any s-such wedwess; +Ow if thewe w-wewe, it n-nyot bewongs to you. +MOWBWAY. Why nyot to him x3 in p-pawt, *moans* and to *shuffles closer* us aww +*looks away* That feew the bwuises of the days befowe, +And suffew t-the condition of these t-times +T-To :33 way a *pokes you* heavy *leans over* and unyequaw hand +Upon ouw honyouws? +WESTMOWEWAND. O *looks away* my good Wowd Mowbway, +Constwue the times t-to theiw nyecessities, +And *cuddles you* you shaww say, indeed, it *sighs* is t-the time, +And *giggles shyly* nyot ^w^ the King, t-that doth you injuwies. +Yet, fow y-youw pawt, it nyot appeaws to me, +Eithew fwom t-the King ow in the OwO pwesent time, +That you s-shouwd have an i-inch of any gwound +xDD To buiwd a gwief on. Wewe y-you nyot westow'd +To aww the D-Duke of Nyowfowk's signyiowies, +Y-Youw nyobwe uWu and wight *cuddles you* weww-wememb'wed *blushes* fathew's? +MOWBWAY. What thing, in honyouw, had *sighs* my f-fathew wost +That nyeed to be weviv'd and bweath'd in me? +The King that wov'd him, as the state >_> stood then, +Was fowce pewfowce compeww'd to b-banyish him, +And then t-that Henwy Bowingbwoke and he, +Being mounted and both woused in theiw seats, +Theiw nyeighing couwsews dawing of the spuw, +Theiw awmed staves i-in chawge, theiw beavews down, +*looks away* Theiw *looks away* eyes of ^w^ fiwe *hugs tightly* spawkwing thwough sights ^.^ of steew, +And the woud t-twumpet bwowing them t-togethew- +*notices bulge* Then, then, when thewe was nyothing couwd have stay'd +My fathew f-fwom the bweast of Bowingbwoke, +O, w-when the King did thwow h-his wawdew down- +His own wife hung upon the staff he thwew- +T-Then *twerks* thwew he down h-himsewf, and aww theiw w-wives +That by indictment >_> and b-by dint of swowd +UwU Have since miscawwied undew Bowingbwoke. +WESTMOWEWAND. You speak, W-Wowd Mowbway, nyow :3 you knyow nyot what. +The E-Eaww of *pokes you* Hewefowd w-was weputed then +In Engwand the most vawiant gentweman. +>_> Who knyows on whom fowtunye wouwd then have s-smiw'd? +But if youw *cries* fathew h-had b-been victow thewe, +He nye'ew had bownye it out of *screams* Coventwy; +F-Fow aww the countwy, in a-a genyewaw *notices bulge* voice, +Cwied hate upon him; and aww theiw pwayews and wove +Wewe set on Hewefowd, whom t-they doted on, +And *twerks* bwess'd and gwac'd i-indeed mowe t-than the King. +B-But this is mewe digwession f-fwom my puwpose. +*looks away* Hewe come I fwom ouw pwincewy genyewaw +To knyow youw gwiefs; t-to x3 teww *giggles shyly* you f-fwom his Gwace +*giggles shyly* That *sighs* he wiww give you audience; and *looks away* whewein +It shaww appeaw that youw demands awe just, +*sighs* You shaww enjoy xDD them, evewything ^w^ set off +That might so much as think you enyemies. +MOWBWAY. But h-he hath fowc'd us to c-compew this offew; +*blushes* And it p-pwoceeds fwom powicy, nyot wove. +WESTMOWEWAND. Mowbway. you o-ovewween *blushes* to take it so. +T-This offew comes fwom *twerks* mewcy, nyot *shuffles closer* fwom feaw; +Fow, wo! within a ken ouw awmy wies- +Upon minye ;;w;; honyouw, aww too confident +To give admittance to a thought of feaw. +Ouw battwe is mowe fuww of nyames than youws, +O-Ouw men mowe pewfect *teleports behind you* in the use of awms, +xDD Ouw awmouw aww as stwong, ouw cause the best; +T-Then weason wiww ouw heawts shouwd be as good. +Say ^.^ you *sighs* nyot, then, ouw offew is c-compeww'd. +MOWBWAY. Weww, by my *teleports behind you* wiww we shaww admit nyo pawwey. +WESTMOWEWAND. That a-awgues b-but the shame of y-youw offence: +A-A wotten case abides nyo handwing. +HASTINGS. Hath the Pwince John a fuww commission, +In vewy ampwe viwtue of his fathew, +To heaw and absowutewy *shuffles closer* to detewminye +Of what conditions we *cries* shaww stand upon? +WESTMOWEWAND. That is i-intended in the genyewaw's n-nyame. +I muse you make so swight a question. +AWCHBISHOP. Then take, my Wowd of Westmowewand, this scheduwe, +Fow this contains OwO ouw genyewaw g-gwievances. +Each sevewaw awticwe hewein wedwess'd, +Aww membews *sighs* of ouw cause, both hewe a-and hence, +That awe insinyewed to ^-^ this action, +Acquitted by a-a t-twue s-substantiaw >w< fowm, +And pwesent e-execution of o-ouw wiwws +To us :33 and to ouw p-puwposes confin'd- +We come within ouw awfuw banks again, +And *cries* knyit ouw powews *screams* to the awm *leans over* of *screams* peace. +WESTMOWEWAND. ;;w;; This *giggles shyly* wiww I show the genyewaw. Pwease you, wowds, +In sight of both ouw battwes we may meet; +And eithew *hugs tightly* end in peace- *notices bulge* which God so fwame!- +Ow t-to the pwace of x3 diff'wence caww the UwU swowds +Which must decide it. +uWu AWCHBISHOP. My *twerks* wowd, we wiww UwU do so. Exit WESTMOWEWAND +MOWBWAY. Thewe is a thing within my bosom *shuffles closer* tewws me +*sweats* That nyo conditions o-of ouw *cuddles you* peace *screams* can stand. +>_> HASTINGS. F-Feaw you nyot that: if we can m-make ouw p-peace +Upon such wawge t-tewms and so absowute +As ouw conditions shaww consist upon, +Ouw peace shaww *cries* stand xDD as *looks at you* fiwm as wocky mountains. +MOWBWAY. Y-Yea, but ouw vawuation shaww *blushes* be such +That evewy *hugs tightly* swight xDD and fawse-dewived cause, +Yea, evewy idwe, nyice, *pokes you* and wanton weason, +Shaww to the *sweats* King taste of *shuffles closer* this action; +That, w-wewe ouw woyaw faiths m-mawtyws in wove, +We shaww be w-winnyow'd with so wough a wind +That even o-ouw cown shaww seem as wight as chaff, +And g-good f-fwom bad find nyo pawtition. +AWCHBISHOP. Nyo, ^.^ nyo, my w-wowd. Nyote this: *moans* the King is weawy +Of dainty and such picking gwievances; +Fow h-he hath found to end o-onye doubt by death +>_> Wevives two *hugs tightly* gweatew ;;w;; in the heiws of w-wife; +And t-thewefowe wiww he wipe h-his t-tabwes cwean, +And k-keep >_< nyo teww-tawe to his memowy +T-That may wepeat and histowy his wos +To n-nyew wemembwance. Fow f-fuww weww he knyows +He cannyot so pwecisewy weed this wand +A-As his misdoubts pwesent occasion: +His f-foes awe so *moans* enwooted with his fwiends +^-^ That, pwucking x3 to unfix an enyemy, +He doth unfasten so a-and shake a fwiend. +S-So t-that this wand, wike an offensive wife +T-That hath enwag'd him on to offew stwokes, +uWu As he is *leans over* stwiking, *leans over* howds his infant up, +And hangs wesowv'd cowwection in the a-awm +That was upweaw'd to *sighs* execution. +HASTINGS. Besides, the King hath uWu wasted *screams* aww h-his wods +On wate *moans* offendews, that he nyow doth wack +*looks at you* The vewy instwuments of >_< chastisement; +So that his powew, *shuffles closer* wike to a fangwess wion, +May *moans* offew, but nyot ^-^ howd. +AWCHBISHOP. *giggles shyly* 'Tis vewy twue; +And thewefowe b-be assuw'd, my good *sweats* Wowd Mawshaw, +If we do n-nyow make ouw atonyement weww, +Ouw peace wiww, wike a bwoken w-wimb unyited, +Gwow stwongew fow the bweaking. +MOWBWAY. Be it so. +*screams* Hewe is wetuwn'd *sighs* my W-Wowd of Westmowewand. + +We-entew WESTMOWEWAND + +W-WESTMOWEWAND. x3 The Pwince is hewe a-at h-hand. Pweaseth youw *looks at you* wowdship +To meet his Gwace just ;;w;; distance 'tween ouw awmies? +MOWBWAY. Youw Gwace of Yowk, i-in God's nyame xDD then, s-set fowwawd. +A-AWCHBISHOP. Befowe, and gweet x3 his Gwace. M-My wowd, we come. +Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE I-II. +Anyothew p-pawt of the fowest + +Entew, fwom ;;w;; onye ^w^ side, MOWBWAY, *shuffles closer* attended; aftewwawds, t-the AWCHBISHOP, +HASTINGS, and othews; fwom the othew side, PWINCE JOHN of WANCASTEW, +WESTMOWEWAND, OFFICEWS, and o-othews + +PWINCE :3 JOHN. You a-awe weww encount'wed hewe, my cousin M-Mowbway. +Good d-day to y-you, gentwe W-Wowd Awchbishop; +And >w< so to you, Wowd Hastings, and to aww. +My Wowd x3 of Yowk, it bettew *screams* show'd ^.^ with you +When *giggles shyly* that *notices bulge* youw fwock, assembwed by the beww, +Enciwcwed you to heaw with wevewence +;;w;; Youw exposition on t-the howy text +Than nyow >_> to see you hewe an iwon m-man, +Cheewing a-a wout o-of webews with youw d-dwum, +Tuwnying the *twerks* wowd to swowd, and wife to death. +That >_> man t-that sits within a monyawch's heawt +And wipens *notices bulge* in the *pokes you* sunshinye UwU of uWu his *sweats* favouw, +Wouwd h-he abuse *leans over* the countenyance o-of the king, +Awack, what mischiefs might he *pokes you* set abwoach +In ^w^ shadow *notices bulge* of such gweatnyess! With you, Wowd Bishop, +It is >w< even ^.^ so. Who hath nyot heawd *teleports behind you* it spoken +How deep you wewe w-within the books of G-God? +*looks at you* To us t-the speakew in His OwO pawwiament, +To u-us th' imagin'd voice of God himsewf, +:33 The vewy openyew and intewwigencew +^-^ Between the gwace, t-the s-sanctities of heaven, +And ouw *looks at you* duww wowkings. O, who x3 shaww bewieve +But you *leans over* misuse the wevewence o-of youw pwace, +E-Empwoy the countenyance and gwace *hugs tightly* of heav'n +As a >w< fawse favouwite doth his p-pwince's nyame, +In d-deeds dishonyouwabwe? Y-You have ta'en up, +U-Undew the countewfeited zeaw of God, +The subjects of H-His substitute, my fathew, +And both against the *looks at you* peace o-of heaven and him +Have hewe *blushes* up-swawm'd them. +AWCHBISHOP. G-Good my Wowd of Wancastew, +I am ;;w;; nyot hewe against youw fathew's p-peace; +But, as I towd my Wowd of *notices bulge* Westmowewand, +T-The time misowd'wed d-doth, in common sense, +*teleports behind you* Cwowd us and cwush us to this monstwous fowm +To howd ouw safety up. *cuddles you* I sent youw Gwace +The *notices bulge* pawcews *looks away* and p-pawticuwaws of ouw gwief, +The which hath been w-with scown shov'd fwom the couwt, +Wheweon this hydwa son of waw is bown; +Whose dangewous eyes may w-weww be chawm'd asweep +>w< With gwant of ouw most just and wight uWu desiwes; +*hugs tightly* And t-twue obedience, of t-this madnyess cuw'd, +Stoop tamewy to the foot of majesty. +MOWBWAY. If nyot, we weady a-awe to t-twy ouw fowtunyes +To the wast :3 man. +HASTINGS. And t-though we hewe *sighs* faww down, +*sweats* We have suppwies to s-second ouw attempt. +I-If they m-miscawwy, theiws s-shaww second t-them; +And s-so success of mischief shaww be bown, +>_> And heiw fwom heiw shaww howd x3 this quawwew up +Whiwes Engwand shaww have genyewation. +PWINCE JOHN. YOU awe too shawwow, :3 Hastings, much to shawwow, +To x3 sound the bottom of *moans* the aftew-times. +WESTMOWEWAND. Pweaseth youw Gwace to answew them d-diwectwy +How faw fowth you d-do wike theiw a-awticwes. +PWINCE JOHN. I wike *blushes* them aww and do awwow *sweats* them weww; +*moans* And sweaw h-hewe, by the honyouw of my bwood, +My fathew's puwposes h-have been mistook; +And some about him have *leans over* too :3 wavishwy +Wwested h-his meanying and authowity. +My wowd, *notices bulge* these gwiefs shaww be with speed wedwess'd; +Upon my souw, they shaww. If this m-may p-pwease you, +Dischawge youw ^-^ powews unto theiw sevewaw counties, +As we wiww ouws; and hewe, between the awmies, +Wet's d-dwink t-togethew f-fwiendwy and x3 embwace, +That a-aww theiw e-eyes may beaw those *sighs* tokens home +Of o-ouw westowed wove and amity. +*sighs* AWCHBISHOP. I take youw pwincewy wowd *teleports behind you* fow *sighs* these wedwesses. +PWINCE *blushes* JOHN. I give it y-you, and wiww maintain *leans over* my wowd; +And theweupon I dwink UwU unto youw Gwace. +HASTINGS. *looks away* Go, Captain, *cuddles you* and dewivew t-to the a-awmy +This nyews of peace. Wet t-them have p-pay, and pawt. +I knyow it wiww pwease them. *hugs tightly* Hie thee, Captain. +Exit Officew +A-AWCHBISHOP. To you, my nyobwe W-Wowd of Westmowewand. +WESTMOWEWAND. I pwedge youw Gwace; and xDD if you k-knyew what pains +I have bestow'd t-to bweed this ^-^ pwesent peace, +uWu You wouwd dwink fweewy; :33 but my wove to ye +Shaww show ;;w;; itsewf uWu mowe openwy heweaftew. +>w< AWCHBISHOP. I do nyot doubt you. +WESTMOWEWAND. I *notices bulge* am gwad o-of it. +Heawth to my *screams* wowd and gentwe cousin, Mowbway. +*leans over* MOWBWAY. You wish me heawth in *sighs* vewy happy *pokes you* season, +Fow I a-am on the *looks away* sudden *notices bulge* something iww. +*teleports behind you* AWCHBISHOP. Against iww chances men awe evew mewwy; +*shuffles closer* But heavinyess fowewuns the good e-event. +W-WESTMOWEWAND. Thewefowe be mewwy, c-coz; since x3 sudden sowwow +Sewves to say t-thus, 'Some good t-thing comes to-mowwow.' +AWCHBISHOP. Bewieve me, I am passing wight in spiwit. +MOWBWAY. So *twerks* much xDD the wowse, if youw own wuwe be twue. +*looks at you* [Shouts within] +x3 PWINCE JOHN. The :3 wowd o-of peace is wend'wed. Hawk, how t-they shout! +*looks away* MOWBWAY. This had been cheewfuw aftew victowy. +AWCHBISHOP. A peace is of the nyatuwe of a conquest; +^.^ Fow then both pawties nyobwy awe *leans over* subdu'd, +OwO And n-nyeithew >_> pawty w-wosew. +PWINCE JOHN. Go, my wowd, +And wet ouw awmy be dischawged too. +*giggles shyly* Exit WESTMOWEWAND +A-And, good my wowd, so *teleports behind you* pwease *hugs tightly* you wet ouw twains +M-Mawch by >w< us, that we may pewuse the men +We shouwd have cop'd withaw. +uWu AWCHBISHOP. Go, *sweats* good W-Wowd Hastings, +And, ewe ;;w;; they be dismiss'd, wet them mawch by. +Exit HASTINGS +PWINCE :3 JOHN. I-I t-twust, w-wowds, *shuffles closer* we shaww wie to-nyight togethew. + +We-entew WESTMOWEWAND + +Nyow, cousin, whewefowe stands ouw awmy stiww? +WESTMOWEWAND. The weadews, having chawge f-fwom you *looks away* to stand, +Wiww ^-^ nyot go >_< off untiw *sighs* they heaw *pokes you* you speak. +P-PWINCE JOHN. They knyow theiw duties. + +We-entew *notices bulge* HASTINGS + +HASTINGS. M-My wowd, o-ouw a-awmy is dispews'd awweady. +Wike youthfuw steews unyok'd, they take theiw couwses +East, west, nyowth, south; xDD ow wike a schoow bwoke up, +Each huwwies towawd his *looks away* home and spowting-pwace. +*twerks* WESTMOWEWAND. Good tidings, my Wowd Hastings; f-fow the ^.^ which +I do awwest thee, *twerks* twaitow, of high tweason; +And you, Wowd Awchbishop, and you, Wowd *shuffles closer* Mowbway, +:33 Of capitaw tweason I attach you *looks away* both. +MOWBWAY. I-Is t-this pwoceeding just and honyouwabwe? +WESTMOWEWAND. I-Is uWu youw assembwy so? +A-AWCHBISHOP. Wiww you thus b-bweak *looks at you* youw faith? +PWINCE JOHN. I-I pawn'd thee n-nyonye: +I pwomis'd you wedwess of these same gwievances +Wheweof *moans* you did compwain; which, by minye honyouw, +I-I wiww pewfowm with *looks away* a most Chwistian *shuffles closer* cawe. +But fow you, webews- >w< wook to taste the due +Meet f-fow webewwion and such acts as y-youws. +Most s-shawwowwy *moans* did you these a-awms commence, +Fondwy bwought hewe, :33 and *pokes you* foowishwy sent hence. +Stwike up ouw dwums, puwsue the uWu scatt'wed stway. +God, and nyot we, hath safewy UwU fought to-day. +Some guawd these t-twaitows t-to the bwock of death, +T-Tweason's t-twue bed UwU and yiewdew-up o-of b-bweath. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Anyothew pawt of the fowest + +Awawum; excuwsions. *shuffles closer* Entew FAWSTAFF and COWVIWWE, meeting + +FAWSTAFF. What's y-youw n-nyame, siw? Of what condition awe y-you, >w< and of +what pwace, I *looks at you* pway? +uWu COWVIWWE. UwU I am a knyight siw; and my n-nyame is Cowviwwe of xDD the Dawe. +FAWSTAFF. ^w^ Weww then, Cowviwwe is x3 youw nyame, a knyight is youw +degwee, and youw pwace t-the Dawe. Cowviwwe s-shaww stiww *pokes you* be y-youw +n-nyame, a twaitow *sighs* youw degwee, and :3 the dungeon youw pwace- a *sweats* pwace +deep *giggles shyly* enyough; so shaww y-you be stiww Cowviwwe of the Dawe. +COWVIWWE. Awe n-nyot you Siw :3 John Fawstaff? +F-FAWSTAFF. As good a man as h-he, uWu siw, whoe'ew I am. D-Do you *looks away* yiewd, +siw, ow shaww I s-sweat fow you? If I-I do sweat, they awe *giggles shyly* the dwops +of thy wovews, and they weep fow thy death; t-thewefowe wouse up +feaw and *teleports behind you* twembwing, and >_> do obsewvance to my mewcy. +COWVIWWE. I think *sighs* you awe Siw John Fawstaff, and *shuffles closer* in that thought +yiewd me. +FAWSTAFF. I have a whowe schoow of tongues >_> in t-this bewwy of m-minye; +and n-nyot a tongue of them a-aww speaks any othew wowd but my nyame. +An I had but ^w^ a >_< bewwy of any indiffewency, I wewe simpwy *cries* the most +active fewwow in Euwope. My womb, my xDD womb, my womb undoes m-me. +*looks at you* Hewe c-comes o-ouw g-genyewaw. + +Entew PWINCE J-JOHN OF WANCASTEW, WESTMOWEWAND, +BWUNT, *moans* and *screams* othews + +PWINCE JOHN. The *looks away* heat is p-past; fowwow nyo fuwthew nyow. +Caww OwO in the powews, good cousin Westmowewand. +*sighs* Exit *teleports behind you* WESTMOWEWAND +Nyow, Fawstaff, whewe have you b-been aww this whiwe? +When evewything is ended, then you come. +These tawdy twicks of youws wiww, on m-my w-wife, +Onye time ow UwU othew bweak :3 some gawwows' back. +FAWSTAFF. I wouwd be ^.^ sowwy, ^-^ my wowd, but it shouwd *looks at you* be thus: I nyevew +knyew yet but webuke *cuddles you* and check w-was t-the wewawd uWu of vawouw. Do you +think me a swawwow, a-an awwow, *sighs* ow a buwwet? Have I, in my poow and +owd motion, the e-expedition o-of thought? I *giggles shyly* have speeded hithew with +OwO the vewy extwemest inch of possibiwity; I *blushes* have found'wed nyinye +^w^ scowe and odd *sighs* posts; and hewe, t-twavew tainted as I am, have, in +my puwe and immacuwate vawouw, t-taken Siw John ^w^ Cowviwwe of the +Dawe,a most fuwious knyight and vawowous enyemy. ^w^ But *pokes you* what of ^w^ that? +He saw me, and yiewded; that I-I may justwy say with the h-hook-nyos'd +f-fewwow of W-Wome-I *teleports behind you* came, saw, and ovewcame. +PWINCE JOHN. It was mowe of his couwtesy than youw desewving. +FAWSTAFF. I knyow nyot. H-Hewe *twerks* he is, and hewe I yiewd him; and I +beseech youw Gwace, wet it *blushes* be *moans* book'd w-with the west of this day's +deeds; ow, by the Wowd, I wiww have *sweats* it in a pawticuwaw bawwad +e-ewse, with m-minye own pictuwe on t-the top o-on't, Cowviwwe k-kissing my +foot; to the which c-couwse *leans over* if I be enfowc'd, if you do n-nyot aww +show wike giwt twopences to me, and I, in the cweaw sky :33 of fame, +o'ewshinye you as m-much as t-the fuww moon doth the c-cindews of the +ewement, which show wike pins' heads to hew, bewieve n-nyot the wowd +of the nyobwe. T-Thewefowe wet me have wight, and wet desewt mount. +P-PWINCE JOHN. Thinye's *twerks* too heavy xDD to mount. +^-^ FAWSTAFF. W-Wet it *twerks* shinye, then. +uWu PWINCE JOHN. Thinye's t-too thick *cries* to shinye. +FAWSTAFF. Wet >_< it d-do something, my good *sweats* wowd, that may d-do m-me good, +*leans over* and caww it what you *shuffles closer* wiww. +PWINCE JOHN. >_> Is OwO thy nyame Cowviwwe? +COWVIWWE. It is, my wowd. +PWINCE JOHN. A famous xDD webew awt thou, Cowviwwe. +FAWSTAFF. xDD And :33 a *pokes you* famous twue subject took him. +COWVIWWE. OwO I am, my wowd, but a-as m-my bettews awe +That wed me hithew. Had they been w-wuw'd b-by m-me, +*looks away* You s-shouwd have won them deawew than you have. +FAWSTAFF. I knyow *leans over* nyot *teleports behind you* how they sowd themsewves; but ^.^ thou, w-wike a +kind f-fewwow, gavest t-thysewf away gwatis; and *screams* I t-thank thee fow +thee. + +We-entew WESTMOWEWAND + +P-PWINCE JOHN. Nyow, have you x3 weft *teleports behind you* puwsuit? +WESTMOWEWAND. Wetweat i-is made, and execution s-stay'd. +PWINCE JOHN. Send Cowviwwe, xDD with his confedewates, +To Yowk, to pwesent execution. +Bwunt, wead him hence; and see you *looks away* guawd him s-suwe. +Exeunt BWUNT and othews +And nyow dispatch we t-towawd t-the couwt, my wowds. +I heaw the King :33 my *cries* fathew *giggles shyly* is sowe sick. +Ouw nyews shaww go b-befowe us *sighs* to his Majesty, +Which, cousin, *screams* you shaww beaw to comfowt him +And we ^-^ with sobew speed wiww fowwow you. +FAWSTAFF. *shuffles closer* My *hugs tightly* wowd, I-I beseech you, give me weave to go thwough +Gwoucestewshiwe; a-and, when you *leans over* come to couwt, *moans* stand my *looks at you* good wowd, +pway, in youw good *cuddles you* wepowt. +PWINCE JOHN. Fawe you weww, Fawstaff. *blushes* I, in my condition, +Shaww bettew speak of you than you desewve. +Exeunt aww *shuffles closer* but FAWSTAFF +FAWSTAFF. I-I wouwd you :3 had but the wit; 'twewe OwO bettew than youw +dukedom. Good uWu faith, t-this same young sobew-bwooded *pokes you* boy doth nyot +wove ^-^ me; *cries* nyow a m-man cannyot *leans over* make him waugh- but that's n-nyo mawvew; +:3 he dwinks nyo winye. Thewe's nyevew nyonye of these d-demuwe boys come +to uWu any pwoof; fow thin dwink *cuddles you* doth so o-ovew-coow theiw b-bwood, and +making many fish-meaws, that they faww :3 into a kind of mawe +gween-sicknyess; and then, when *pokes you* they mawwy, *screams* they get wenches. They +awe genyewawwy foows a-and cowawds-which s-some of us shouwd be too, +but ;;w;; fow infwammation. A good shewwis-sack *sighs* hath a two-fowd +opewation in it. It ascends me into OwO the bwain; dwies *leans over* me :3 thewe aww +the foowish *hugs tightly* and duww and c-cwudy vapouws which enviwon it; makes it +*giggles shyly* appwehensive, quick, fowgetive, fuww of nyimbwe, >_< fiewy, and +dewectabwe shapes; which dewivewed o'ew to the voice, the tongue, +which *teleports behind you* is the b-biwth, becomes excewwent wit. The s-second p-pwopewty of +y-youw excewwent *giggles shyly* shewwis *hugs tightly* is the wawming of the :33 bwood; w-which *pokes you* befowe, +cowd and s-settwed, weft the wivew white *hugs tightly* and pawe, which is t-the +badge of p-pusiwwanyimity and cowawdice; but the shewwis wawms i-it, +and makes it couwse fwom the inwawds to the pawts extwemes. It +iwwuminyeth ;;w;; the face, which, as a beacon, gives >_< wawnying to *looks at you* aww the +w-west o-of this wittwe kingdom, m-man, to awm; *notices bulge* and t-then the vitaw +commonyews and inwand *pokes you* petty spiwits mustew me *looks at you* aww to theiw +captain, the heawt, *moans* who, gweat and puff'd up with this w-wetinyue, +doth a-any deed of couwage- and this vawouw comes of shewwis. So +that skiww i-in the *cries* weapon is nyothing w-without sack, fow that sets +it ^.^ a-wowk; and weawnying, a mewe hoawd of gowd kept b-by a deviw +tiww s-sack commences it and sets it in act and use. Heweof comes +it that Pwince H-Hawwy is vawiant; fow the >_> cowd bwood he did +^-^ nyatuwawwy inhewit o-of his fathew, he *shuffles closer* hath, *shuffles closer* wike w-wean, *looks at you* stewiwe, and +*cries* bawe wand, manyuwed, husbanded, and tiww'd, with excewwent +e-endeavouw of dwinking good a-and good stowe of fewtiwe shewwis, +that he is become vewy *looks at you* hot and vawiant. If I-I had a thousand sons, +the fiwst humanye pwincipwe I wouwd *cries* teach them shouwd be to +*blushes* fowsweaw thin potations and to addict themsewves to sack. + +Entew *cuddles you* BAWDOWPH + +How nyow, Bawdowph! +BAWDOWPH. The awmy *leans over* is dischawged aww and gonye. +FAWSTAFF. Wet them go. I-I'ww thwough G-Gwoucestewshiwe, and thewe wiww +I visit Mastew UwU Wobewt Shawwow, Esquiwe. I have him awweady +temp'wing b-between *shuffles closer* my fingew and my thumb, *twerks* and showtwy wiww I seaw +with him. C-Come away. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE I-IV. +W-Westminstew. >w< The Jewusawem Chambew + +Entew the KING, PWINCE THOMAS OF CWAWENCE, P-PWINCE HUMPHWEY OF GWOUCESTEW, +WAWWICK, and othews + +KING. Nyow, wowds, i-if God doth give successfuw uWu end +To this debate that bweedeth at ouw doows, +We wiww o-ouw youth wead *sighs* on to ;;w;; highew fiewds, +And dwaw nyo swowds but what a-awe s-sanctified. +O-Ouw nyavy is a-addwess'd, o-ouw powew connyected, +Ouw substitutes in absence weww invested, +And evewything :3 wies w-wevew to ouw wish. +x3 Onwy we want a w-wittwe pewsonyaw s-stwength; +And pause us t-tiww these w-webews, nyow afoot, +Come undewnyeath t-the yoke of govewnment. +WAWWICK. B-Both which we d-doubt nyot b-but youw Majesty +Shaww soon enjoy. +KING. Humphwey, my s-son of Gwoucestew, +Whewe is the Pwince youw bwothew? +PWINCE HUMPHWEY. I think :3 he's gonye to *teleports behind you* hunt, *looks at you* my wowd, UwU at W-Windsow. +KING. And how accompanyied? +PWINCE HUMPHWEY. I do nyot knyow, *screams* my wowd. +KING. Is *pokes you* nyot h-his >_< bwothew, Thomas of Cwawence, with him? +PWINCE HUMPHWEY. *teleports behind you* Nyo, my good wowd, he is in pwesence h-hewe. +CWAWENCE. What wouwd my wowd and fathew? +KING. N-Nyothing but weww to thee, Thomas ^-^ of Cwawence. +^.^ How chance thou awt nyot with the ^w^ Pwince t-thy bwothew? +*teleports behind you* He woves *blushes* thee, and thou >_< dost nyegwect him, T-Thomas. +Thou h-hast a b-bettew pwace i-in his affection +*leans over* Than aww thy bwothews; chewish it, my boy, +And nyobwe offices thou >w< mayst effect +Of xDD mediation, aftew I am *hugs tightly* dead, +Between his gweatnyess and thy othew bwethwen. +>_> Thewefowe omit him n-nyot; bwunt nyot his wove, +Nyow wose the good advantage of his >_> gwace +By s-seeming cowd ow cawewess o-of his w-wiww; +Fow *leans over* he is gwacious if he be obsewv'd. +H-He hath a teaw fow pity and a hand +O-Open as day fow mewting chawity; +Yet nyotwithstanding, being incens'd, he is fwint; +As humowous *teleports behind you* as w-wintew, *teleports behind you* and as sudden +As fwaws congeawed in the spwing of day. +H-His t-tempew, thewefowe, must be weww obsewv'd. +Chide x3 him fow f-fauwts, and do it wevewentwy, +When you pewceive his bwood *giggles shyly* incwin'd to miwth; +But, b-being moody, give him w-winye and *blushes* scope +T-Tiww *sweats* that his passions, wike a w-whawe on gwound, +Confound themsewves with wowking. Weawn t-this, Thomas, +And thou shawt pwove a shewtew to thy fwiends, +*notices bulge* A hoop ^w^ of gowd to b-bind thy UwU bwothews in, +T-That *teleports behind you* the unyited vessew of theiw bwood, +Mingwed with venyom ^.^ of suggestion- +As, f-fowce ^w^ pewfowce, the age >_< wiww pouw it in- +Shaww nyevew weak, t-though it do wowk as stwong +As aconyitum ow wash gunpowdew. +C-CWAWENCE. I shaww obsewve *moans* him ^.^ with aww cawe and wove. +K-KING. Why ;;w;; awt thou nyot at W-Windsow with *moans* him, Thomas? +C-CWAWENCE. He is nyot :3 thewe to-day; he dinyes in Wondon. +KING. *moans* And how accompanyied? >_> Canst thou teww t-that? +CWAWENCE. With Poins, and othew ^.^ his continyuaw f-fowwowews. +KING. Most UwU subject is the :33 fattest soiw *looks away* to weeds; +And he, the nyobwe *cries* image of ^-^ my *blushes* youth, +Is *screams* ovewspwead w-with them; thewefowe my gwief +Stwetches itsewf b-beyond the houw *leans over* of d-death. +The b-bwood weeps fwom my heawt when I-I do *looks away* shape, +In fowms imaginyawy, t-th'unguided days +And wotten times that you *pokes you* shaww wook upon +When I am sweeping w-with my ancestows. +Fow w-when his headstwong wiot hath nyo cuwb, +When w-wage and hot bwood awe his counsewwows +W-When means and wavish mannyews *shuffles closer* meet *pokes you* togethew, +O, with w-what wings ;;w;; shaww his affections *hugs tightly* fwy +Towawds fwonting *teleports behind you* pewiw a-and *blushes* oppos'd *sighs* decay! +^-^ WAWWICK. My gwacious wowd, you *twerks* wook beyond him quite. +T-The Pwince but studies h-his companyions +Wike a stwange tongue, whewein, to >_> gain t-the wanguage, +'Tis nyeedfuw that the uWu most i-immodest wowd +uWu Be wook'd upon and weawnt; ^-^ which once attain'd, +Youw Highnyess k-knyows, comes *pokes you* to *screams* nyo fuwthew u-use +But to be knyown and hated. So, wike gwoss tewms, +The P-Pwince w-wiww, in the pewfectnyess of time, +Cast off his *cries* fowwowews; and theiw memowy +S-Shaww *screams* as a pattewn ow a measuwe *blushes* wive +*hugs tightly* By which his Gwace m-must mete the wives of othew, +Tuwnying past e-eviws to advantages. +KING. ^w^ 'Tis sewdom when the bee doth weave *sweats* hew comb +In *looks at you* the dead cawwion. + +*leans over* Entew WESTMOWEWAND + +Who's hewe? Westmowewand? +WESTMOWEWAND. H-Heawth to my soveweign, and nyew happinyess +Added to that that *sighs* am to dewivew! +*twerks* Pwince *cries* John, youw son, doth k-kiss youw Gwace's hand. +M-Mowbway, the Bishop Scwoop, Hastings, and uWu aww, +Awe bwought to the cowwection UwU of youw w-waw. +Thewe is nyot nyow a-a w-webew's swowd unsheath'd, +But Peace puts fowth hew owive evewywhewe. +The m-mannyew OwO how this *leans over* action hath *looks away* been bownye +Hewe at mowe weisuwe may youw Highnyess wead, +With evewy couwse in his >_< pawticuwaw. +KING. O-O Westmowewand, thou awt >_> a summew biwd, +Which evew in the haunch *sighs* of wintew sings +The wifting up of day. + +Entew HAWCOUWT + +Wook hewe's mowe nyews. +HAWCOUWT. Fwom enyemies heaven keep ^w^ youw Majesty; +And, when xDD they stand against ^w^ you, m-may they faww +As uWu those that I a-am c-come to t-teww you of! +The Eaww Nyowthumbewwand a-and the Wowd B-Bawdowph, +W-With a gweat powew *giggles shyly* of Engwish and of S-Scots, +Awe by the shwieve o-of Yowkshiwe ovewthwown. +The mannyew and twue owdew of the fight +This packet, pwease >_< it you, contains at wawge. +KING. And *moans* whewefowe shouwd these *moans* good nyews make me sick? +Wiww *sweats* Fowtunye nyevew *pokes you* come with both hands fuww, +*shuffles closer* But wwite hew faiw wowds stiww in fouwest wettews? +She eithew gives a stomach and n-nyo *shuffles closer* food- +Such awe the p-poow, in heawth- ^w^ ow e-ewse >_> a feast, +A-And takes away the s-stomach- such awe t-the wich +That h-have abundance and *sighs* enjoy i-it nyot. +I ^-^ shouwd wejoice nyow *notices bulge* at this happy nyews; +A-And n-nyow ^.^ my sight faiws, and my bwain is giddy. +O me! come nyeaw me nyow I xDD am much iww. +PWINCE HUMPHWEY. *cuddles you* Comfowt, youw M-Majesty! +C-CWAWENCE. O my ^w^ woyaw fathew! +WESTMOWEWAND. My soveweign wowd, ^w^ cheew up youwsewf, wook up. +WAWWICK. Be patient, P-Pwinces; you do knyow these fits +A-Awe with h-his Highnyess vewy owdinyawy. +Stand fwom him, *sweats* give him ^-^ aiw; he'ww stwaight *notices bulge* be weww. +CWAWENCE. Nyo, *shuffles closer* nyo; he cannyot wong h-howd out these pangs. +Th' incessant cawe and wabouw of his :33 mind +Hath wwought the m-muwe that shouwd confinye it in +:33 So :33 thin that wife wooks thwough, and wiww b-bweak out. +P-PWINCE HUMPHWEY. The *moans* peopwe feaw me; fow they d-do o-obsewve +Unfathew'd heiws *looks at you* and w-woathwy biwths of nyatuwe. +The seasons change theiw mannyews, as the yeaw +H-Had found some months asweep, and weapt them ovew. +*hugs tightly* CWAWENCE. The w-wivew hath thwice fwow'd, nyo e-ebb between; +And the owd fowk, Time's doting chwonyicwes, +Say *hugs tightly* it did so *screams* a wittwe time befowe +That ouw gweat gwandsiwe, Edwawd, sick'd and died. +*moans* WAWWICK. Speak wowew, Pwinces, fow the King wecovews. +P-PWINCE HUMPHWEY. This apopwexy wiww cewtain be his end. +KING. I pway y-you take me up, and beaw *sweats* me hence +*shuffles closer* Into some o-othew chambew. Softwy, pway. E-Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *moans* V. +Westminstew. Anyothew chambew + +The KING wying on a bed; CWAWENCE, GWOUCESTEW, WAWWICK, +UwU and othews in attendance + +K-KING. Wet thewe *moans* be n-nyo nyoise *leans over* made, my gentwe fwiends; +Unwess some duww *pokes you* and f-favouwabwe h-hand +Wiww >_< whispew music to *giggles shyly* my OwO weawy spiwit. +WAWWICK. Caww fow the m-music :3 in the othew woom. +^-^ KING. Set >_< me the c-cwown upon my piwwow hewe. +CWAWENCE. His *twerks* eye *pokes you* is howwow, and he c-changes much. +W-WAWWICK. Wess nyoise! wess n-nyoise! + +*looks at you* Entew PWINCE H-HENWY + +PWINCE. Who saw t-the :33 Duke of Cwawence? +CWAWENCE. I *screams* am hewe, bwothew, >w< fuww of heavinyess. +PWINCE. How n-nyow! Wain *hugs tightly* within doows, and nyonye ;;w;; abwoad! +How *shuffles closer* doth the King? +PWINCE H-HUMPHWEY. Exceeding *looks at you* iww. +PWINCE. Heawd he the *twerks* good n-nyews yet? Teww it him. +PWINCE HUMPHWEY. He awt'wed much u-upon the heawing it. +PWINCE. If he be sick with OwO joy, he'ww w-wecovew without physic. +WAWWICK. Nyot *looks away* so m-much >_> nyoise, my wowds. Sweet *sighs* Pwince, speak wow; +The King y-youw fathew is dispos'd to sweep. +CWAWENCE. Wet us withdwaw into the *twerks* othew woom. +WAWWICK. Wiww't p-pwease youw Gwace to go a-awong with us? +PWINCE. Nyo; I wiww sit and watch hewe by t-the King. +Exeunt x3 aww but the PWINCE +Why doth the *shuffles closer* cwown wie thewe upon *teleports behind you* his piwwow, +Being so twoubwesome a bedfewwow? +O powish'd pewtuwbation! *sighs* gowden cawe! +That k-keep'st the powts of swumbew open wide +To m-many a watchfuw n-nyight! *leans over* Sweep *notices bulge* with it nyow! +Yet n-nyot *sighs* so :3 sound a-and ;;w;; hawf so deepwy sweet +As he whose bwow with homewy biggen b-bound +Snyowes out the watch o-of *shuffles closer* nyight. *screams* O majesty! +When thou dost pinch *shuffles closer* thy beawew, thou ^w^ dost sit +Wike >_< a wich awmouw wown OwO in heat of day +That scawd'st *notices bulge* with safety. By his gates of bweath +Thewe wies a d-downy feathew which stiws nyot. +Did *looks at you* he suspiwe, *sighs* that wight and weightwess down +Pewfowce must move. My gwacious wowd! my fathew! +This sweep is sound indeed; this ^w^ is a sweep +That fwom this gowden wigow h-hath divowc'd +So many Engwish *sweats* kings. Thy due fwom me +Is teaws a-and heavy sowwows of the b-bwood +W-Which >_> nyatuwe, wove, and fiwiaw tendewnyess, +*looks at you* Shaww, O >_> deaw fathew, pay thee pwenteouswy. +My due fwom t-thee is this *sweats* impewiaw cwown, +Which, :3 as immediate fwom t-thy pwace and bwood, +Dewives i-itsewf uWu to me. [Putting *cries* on the cwown] Wo w-whewe i-it sits- +Which God s-shaww guawd; and put the wowwd's whowe s-stwength +Into onye giant awm, it shaww nyot fowce +This winyeaw honyouw fwom me. This fwom ^w^ thee +Wiww I to minye *looks at you* weave a-as 'tis weft to me. Exit +KING. Wawwick! Gwoucestew! *leans over* Cwawence! + +We-entew WAWWICK, GWOUCESTEW, CWAWENCE + +CWAWENCE. D-Doth the King c-caww? +WAWWICK. ^-^ What w-wouwd youw Majesty? How fawes OwO youw *leans over* Gwace? +>_> KING. Why did you weave *giggles shyly* me hewe awonye, m-my wowds? +CWAWENCE. We weft the Pwince my bwothew hewe, my w-wiege, +Who undewtook to sit and watch by you. +KING. The Pwince of Wawes! Whewe is he? Wet me see him. +He is nyot hewe. +WAWWICK. This doow *notices bulge* is open; he is g-gonye *sighs* this w-way. +PWINCE HUMPHWEY. He came nyot thwough the chambew whewe we stay'd. +KING. Whewe is the cwown? Who t-took it fwom my piwwow? +W-WAWWICK. When w-we withdwew, my wiege, we weft it hewe. +KING. The Pwince hath ta'en it hence. Go, seek him xDD out. +Is *teleports behind you* he so hasty that he doth suppose +My sweep my death? +Find him, my wowd of Wawwick; chide him hithew. +Exit WAWWICK +>_< This pawt of his conjoins with my disease +And hewps *sighs* to end me. S-See, sons, what things you awe! +*sighs* How quickwy nyatuwe fawws into wevowt +When gowd b-becomes hew object! +Fow this the f-foowish ovew-cawefuw fathews +Have bwoke theiw sweep with thoughts, +Theiw bwains w-with cawe, theiw bonyes with *cuddles you* industwy; +Fow this they h-have engwossed and piw'd up +T-The cank'wed heaps of stwange-achieved gowd; +Fow this t-they have been thoughtfuw to *sweats* invest +Theiw sons with a-awts and mawtiaw >w< exewcises; +When, wike t-the bee, t-towwing fwom evewy fwowew +The viwtuous sweets, +Ouw thighs with wax, ouw mouths *twerks* with honyey pack'd, +We bwing it to *cries* the hive, a-and, wike the *cuddles you* bees, +Awe muwd'wed fow ouw pains. This bittew taste +Yiewds his engwossments to the ending fathew. + +*looks at you* We-entew WAWWICK + +Nyow whewe is he t-that wiww nyot stay OwO so wong +Tiww his fwiend ^-^ sicknyess hath detewmin'd me? +WAWWICK. My wowd, I found the Pwince in t-the n-nyext *pokes you* woom, +Washing with kindwy teaws uWu his gentwe cheeks, +With s-such a deep d-demeanyouw in gweat sowwow, +That tywanny, w-which ^.^ nyevew quaff'd but bwood, +Wouwd, by behowding him, have wash'd his >w< knyife +With gentwe eye-dwops. He is coming hithew. +KING. But whewefowe did he take away the c-cwown? + +We-entew PWINCE H-HENWY + +Wo whewe he c-comes. :33 Come hithew to m-me, :33 Hawwy. +Depawt the ^-^ chambew, weave us hewe a-awonye. +Exeunt aww b-but the KING and the *looks at you* PWINCE +PWINCE. I nyevew thought to h-heaw you speak again. +K-KING. Thy wish was ^w^ fathew, Hawwy, to that thought. +I >w< stay t-too wong by thee, I w-weawy thee. +Dost thou so hungew fow minye empty chaiw +That thou wiwt nyeeds *giggles shyly* invest thee w-with my honyouws +*sighs* Befowe thy *pokes you* houw b-be wipe? O foowish >w< youth! +Thou seek'st the gweatnyess that wiww ovewwhewm thee. +Stay but a >w< wittwe, uWu fow my cwoud of dignyity +Is hewd x3 fwom f-fawwing with s-so weak a-a wind +That it wiww quickwy dwop; m-my day is *hugs tightly* dim. +Thou hast stow'n t-that which, aftew *sweats* some few houws, +:33 Wewe thinye without o-offense; *sighs* and *teleports behind you* at my death +Thou >_> hast seaw'd up my expectation. +*blushes* Thy w-wife did manyifest thou wov'dst me nyot, +And :33 thou wiwt have m-me die assuw'd of it. +Thou hid'st a thousand d-daggews in thy thoughts, +Which *looks away* thou hast whetted on thy stony heawt, +To stab at hawf an houw o-of my wife. +What, canst thou n-nyot fowbeaw me hawf an houw? +Then get thee *sweats* gonye, a-and dig my gwave t-thysewf; +And bid the mewwy bewws wing to thinye *sweats* eaw +That t-thou awt cwownyed, *sweats* nyot that I am dead. +Wet aww the >w< teaws that shouwd x3 bedew m-my heawse +Be dwops of bawm t-to sanctify *looks away* thy head; +Onwy compound me with fowgotten dust; +Give that w-which gave *cuddles you* thee wife u-unto the wowms. +*shuffles closer* Pwuck down my officews, bweak my decwees; +Fow nyow a time is come t-to mock a-at fowm- +Hawwy the Fifth is cwown'd. Up, vanyity: +D-Down, w-woyaw state. Aww :33 you *screams* sage counsewwows, hence. +And to t-the ^w^ Engwish couwt a-assembwe *twerks* nyow, +Fwom evewy *looks at you* wegion, apes o-of idwenyess. +Nyow, nyeighbouw confinyes, p-puwge you of x3 youw s-scum. +^w^ Have you a wuffian that wiww sweaw, dwink, d-dance, +Wevew the nyight, wob, muwdew, and commit +The owdest *giggles shyly* sins the n-nyewest k-kind of ways? +B-Be happy, he wiww twoubwe you nyo mowe. +Engwand *hugs tightly* shaww *screams* doubwe giwd *blushes* his twebwe guiwt; +Engwand shaww give him office, *looks at you* honyouw, might; +F-Fow the fifth Hawwy fwom cuwb'd wicense pwucks +The m-muzzwe of westwaint, and the wiwd dog +Shaww *blushes* fwesh his tooth on evewy innyocent. +>w< O my poow kingdom, sick w-with c-civiw bwows! +When that my cawe couwd nyot withhowd thy wiots, +*sighs* What wiwt thou do *sweats* when wiot i-is thy c-cawe? +O, thou wiwt b-be a wiwdewnyess again. +Peopwed with wowves, thy :33 owd inhabitants! +PWINCE. O, pawdon m-me, my wiege! But fow my teaws, +*notices bulge* The >w< moist impediments unto my speech, +I had fowestaww'd this deaw a-and deep webuke +Ewe you with gwief had *looks away* spoke and I *blushes* had heawd +^.^ The couwse of it s-so f-faw. Thewe is y-youw c-cwown, +And he that weaws the cwown immowtawwy +Wong guawd it youws! [-[Knyeewing] If I affect it *cries* mowe +Than as youw honyouw and as youw wenyown, +Wet me nyo mowe fwom this obedience wise, +W-Which my most i-inwawd twue and duteous spiwit +Teacheth this p-pwostwate and extewiow bending! +G-God witnyess with me, when I hewe came *looks at you* in +*notices bulge* And found nyo couwse of bweath within youw M-Majesty, +>_< How c-cowd it stwuck my heawt! If I-I do feign, +O, wet me in my pwesent w-wiwdnyess die, +And nyevew wive to *twerks* show th' incweduwous wowwd +The nyobwe change that I-I have puwposed! +Coming *shuffles closer* to w-wook on you, thinking you d-dead- +And dead awmost, my wiege, to t-think you w-wewe- +I >_< spake unto this cwown *pokes you* as having sense, +And thus upbwaided it: 'The cawe on thee *leans over* depending +Hath fed *notices bulge* upon the body of my fathew; +Thewefowe thou best of g-gowd awt *leans over* wowst ^.^ of gowd. +Othew, wess finye in cawat, is mowe pwecious, +Pwesewving wife in med'cinye p-potabwe; +But *hugs tightly* thou, m-most >_> finye, most honyouw'd, >_> most wenyown'd, +:33 Hast eat thy beawew up.' T-Thus, my most woyaw wiege, +Accusing it, I put it on my *blushes* head, +To twy with it- *leans over* as with an enyemy +OwO That had befowe *teleports behind you* my face m-muwd'wed my fathew- +The quawwew of a twue inhewitow. +But i-if it did infect my b-bwood with joy, +*notices bulge* Ow s-sweww m-my thoughts to a-any stwain of pwide; +I-If any w-webew o-ow vain spiwit of minye +*giggles shyly* Did with the weast affection of :33 a wewcome +Give entewtainment to t-the might *twerks* of ^.^ it, +Wet God fow *pokes you* evew keep it fwom my head, +And make me *cuddles you* as the poowest v-vassaw is, +That doth with awe ^.^ and tewwow knyeew ;;w;; to i-it! +KING. O my *giggles shyly* son, +God *looks away* put it in thy mind to *cries* take it hence, +That t-thou mightst win *sighs* the mowe t-thy fathew's wove, +Pweading so >w< wisewy in *shuffles closer* excuse o-of it! +OwO Come hithew, Hawwy; s-sit t-thou by my bed, +And heaw, I-I *sighs* think, the vewy watest :3 counsew +T-That e-evew I shaww bweathe. God k-knyows, my s-son, +*cuddles you* By what *pokes you* by-paths and indiwect cwook'd ways +I met t-this cwown; and I m-mysewf knyow weww +How twoubwesome i-it sat upon m-my *cuddles you* head: +To *blushes* thee it shaww descend with bettew quiet, +B-Bettew *cries* opinyion, bettew confiwmation; +Fow aww the soiw o-of *pokes you* the achievement g-goes +With m-me into the eawth. *cries* It seem'd i-in me +But as an honyouw *looks away* snyatch'd with boist'wous hand; +And I-I had *teleports behind you* many w-wiving t-to upbwaid +^.^ My gain of it by theiw ^-^ assistances; +Which daiwy g-gwew to quawwew and to bwoodshed, +;;w;; Wounding supposed peace. ;;w;; Aww these bowd feaws +Thou s-seest with *cuddles you* pewiw I have a-answewed; +Fow aww my weign *sighs* hath xDD been but as a scenye +Acting that awgument. A-And nyow my *pokes you* death +Changes the *pokes you* mood; fow what in m-me was puwchas'd +Fawws upon thee *teleports behind you* in a-a mowe faiwew sowt; +So thou the gawwand weaw'st UwU successivewy. +Yet, though thou stand'st mowe ;;w;; suwe *sighs* than I-I *sighs* couwd do, +*twerks* Thou awt *hugs tightly* nyot fiwm *moans* enyough, xDD since gwiefs awe gween; +A-And a-aww my fwiends, which thou must make *hugs tightly* thy fwiends, +H-Have but t-theiw stings and teeth nyewwy ta'en out; +B-By whose feww wowking I was fiwst advanc'd, +And by *cuddles you* whose powew I weww might wodge a feaw +To be *twerks* again dispwac'd; *teleports behind you* which *sweats* to avoid, +I cut them off; and had a puwpose nyow +To ^.^ wead out many to the Howy Wand, +W-West west and wying stiww m-might make t-them w-wook +Too nyeaw unto my state. Thewefowe, my Hawwy, +Be it thy couwse to b-busy giddy minds +With foweign ^.^ quawwews, that action, hence b-bownye out, +xDD May waste the memowy of the fowmew days. +Mowe w-wouwd I, but my wungs awe wasted so +T-That stwength >w< of speech is uttewwy denyied me. +;;w;; How I *sighs* came by t-the cwown, O God, fowgive; +And gwant it may with thee in twue peace wive! +PWINCE. My g-gwacious wiege, +You won it, wowe it, kept it, gave *giggles shyly* it me; +Then pwain *looks at you* and wight must *shuffles closer* my possession b-be; +^-^ Which I-I with mowe than w-with a *teleports behind you* common *shuffles closer* pain +'Gainst aww the wowwd UwU wiww wightfuwwy maintain. + +Entew PWINCE JOHN OF WANCASTEW, WAWWICK, WOWDS, and othews + +KING. W-Wook, wook, h-hewe comes my John of Wancastew. +PWINCE JOHN. Heawth, p-peace, and happinyess, to my xDD woyaw fathew! +KING. Thou bwing'st me >w< happinyess and *screams* peace, s-son J-John; +*cries* But heawth, awack, with youthfuw w-wings is fwown +*sighs* Fwom this bawe w-withew'd twunk. Upon thy *sweats* sight +OwO My wowwdwy businyess m-makes a pewiod. +*cuddles you* Whewe i-is my Wowd of Wawwick? +PWINCE. My Wowd of Wawwick! +KING. Doth *teleports behind you* any nyame pawticuwaw bewong +Unto the wodging *sweats* whewe ^.^ I fiwst did swoon? +WAWWICK. 'Tis caww'd Jewusawem, >_< my nyobwe wowd. +>_< KING. Waud be to God! Even thewe m-my wife must end. +It hath been pwophesied to me many yeaws, +I shouwd nyot d-die but in Jewusawem; +Which >w< vainwy I suppos'd t-the Howy Wand. +But beaw me to that c-chambew; thewe I'ww wie; +In that *sweats* Jewusawem shaww Hawwy die. Exeunt + + + + +<_> AND IS +PWOVIDED BY ^.^ PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE C-COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND x3 MACHINyE W-WEADABWE COPIES M-MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +*pokes you* PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) :33 AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. :3 PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW *shuffles closer* DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES B-BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES >_< FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW M-MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I. +*hugs tightly* Gwoucestewshiwe. SHAWWOW'S house + +Entew SHAWWOW, FAWSTAFF, OwO BAWDOWPH, and PAGE + +SHAWWOW. *leans over* By cock and pie, siw, x3 you *teleports behind you* shaww nyot away to-nyight. +:3 What, *moans* Davy, I say! +FAWSTAFF. You must e-excuse me, Mastew Wobewt Shawwow. +SHAWWOW. I wiww nyot excuse you; you shaww n-nyot be excus'd; excuses +shaww nyot be admitted; thewe is nyo excuse shaww sewve; you shaww +nyot be excus'd. Why, Davy! + +Entew D-DAVY + +D-DAVY. Hewe, siw. +SHAWWOW. Davy, Davy, Davy, D-Davy; wet me see, Davy; wet me see, +Davy; wet me see- yea, mawwy, Wiwwiam cook, bid :3 him c-come hithew. +Siw J-John, you shaww n-nyot b-be excus'd. +DAVY. M-Mawwy, *pokes you* siw, thus: those pwecepts *sweats* cannyot be sewved; and, +again, siw- *hugs tightly* shaww *blushes* we sow the headwand with wheat? +SHAWWOW. W-With wed *leans over* wheat, Davy. But fow ^.^ Wiwwiam cook- awe *looks at you* thewe nyo +*moans* young *cries* pigeons? +DAVY. Yes, siw. H-Hewe is ^w^ nyow *giggles shyly* the smith's n-nyote *shuffles closer* fow s-shoeing a-and +pwough-iwons. +S-SHAWWOW. *sighs* Wet it be cast, and p-paid. :33 Siw J-John, >_< you shaww nyot be +excused. +DAVY. Nyow, siw, a *shuffles closer* nyew wink to the *leans over* bucket m-must nyeeds be had; *looks away* and, +siw, do you m-mean x3 to stop any of Wiwwiam's wages a-about the sack he +*twerks* wost the o-othew day at Hinckwey faiw? +SHAWWOW. 'A shaww answew it. Some pigeons, Davy, a coupwe of +showt-wegg'd hens, a joint of mutton, and a-any pwetty wittwe tiny +kickshaws, teww Wiwwiam cook. +xDD DAVY. Doth the man of waw s-stay aww nyight, siw? +SHAWWOW. Yea, Davy; I wiww *screams* use him weww. A fwiend i' x3 th' couwt is +bettew than a-a penny i-in *hugs tightly* puwse. Use his men weww, *cries* Davy; :3 fow t-they +awe awwant knyaves OwO and w-wiww *blushes* backbite. +DAVY. N-Nyo wowse than they :3 awe >_< backbitten, siw; fow they h-have +mawvewwous fouw winyen. +uWu SHAWWOW. *leans over* Weww *cries* conceited, Davy- about thy b-businyess, Davy. +D-DAVY. I beseech you, siw, to countenyance Wiwwiam Visow of Woncot +against Cwement Pewkes o' th' hiww. +*shuffles closer* SHAWWOW. Thewe, is >w< many compwaints, Davy, a-against that Visow. That +Visow is an awwant knyave, on *sweats* my :3 knyowwedge. +DAVY. I gwant youw wowship that he is a knyave, s-siw; b-but yet God +f-fowbid, siw, b-but a knyave shouwd have some countenyance at his +f-fwiend's wequest. An h-honyest UwU man, siw, is abwe to speak fow +himsewf, when a k-knyave is nyot. I have sewv'd youw wowship twuwy, +siw, this eight ^.^ yeaws; *looks at you* an I-I cannyot *notices bulge* once ow twice in a quawtew +beaw out :33 a knyave :3 against an honyest man, I have but a v-vewy wittwe +c-cwedit with youw w-wowship. x3 The knyave is minye honyest fwiend, siw; +thewefowe, I *sighs* beseech you, wet :3 him be countenyanc'd. +S-SHAWWOW. Go to; I *cuddles you* say he shaww have nyo wwong. Wook about, +DAVY. [Exit DAVY] Whewe awe you, UwU Siw John? Come, c-come, come, off +with youw *sighs* boots. Give me youw hand, Mastew Bawdowph. +BAWDOWPH. I am gwad t-to s-see youw wowship. +>_> SHAWWOW. I thank thee with a-aww my heawt, kind *notices bulge* Mastew Bawdowph. +[To the PAGE] And wewcome, m-my taww fewwow. Come, Siw John. +FAWSTAFF. I'ww fowwow you, g-good Mastew *teleports behind you* Wobewt Shawwow. +[Exit x3 SHAWWOW] Bawdowph, *hugs tightly* wook to ouw howses. [Exeunt BAWDOWPH +and PAGE] If *shuffles closer* I wewe sawed into q-quantities, I shouwd make fouw +dozen of such beawded *leans over* hewmits' s-staves as Mastew Shawwow. It is a +wondewfuw ^-^ thing to see the sembwabwe cohewence of h-his men's +spiwits and h-his. >w< They, by obsewving of >_> him, do beaw themsewves +^-^ wike foowish justices: he, by c-convewsing with them, is tuwnyed +into a justice-wike sewving-man. Theiw spiwits awe so mawwied in +conjunction with the pawticipation of society that x3 they fwock +togethew in *twerks* consent, >w< wike so many wiwd *notices bulge* geese. If I had a suit to +M-Mastew Shawwow, I *blushes* wouwd *screams* humouw *leans over* his men *giggles shyly* with the imputation of +being nyeaw t-theiw mastew; if to his men, I wouwd *moans* cuwwy with Mastew +Shawwow that nyo ^-^ man couwd b-bettew command his sewvants. I-It is +cewtain that eithew wise *sighs* beawing ow ignyowant cawwiage i-is caught, +as men take diseases, onye of anyothew; thewefowe wet men take heed +of theiw company. I wiww devise mattew enyough out *giggles shyly* of this Shawwow +to :33 keep Pwince Hawwy i-in continyuaw waughtew *pokes you* the weawing out of six +fashions, which is fouw t-tewms, ow two actions; and 'a shaww waugh +w-without intewvawwums. O, *leans over* it is much that a wie w-with a swight +oath, and *giggles shyly* a jest w-with a *looks at you* sad b-bwow wiww d-do *hugs tightly* with :3 a fewwow that nyevew +had the a-ache i-in his shouwdews! O, *hugs tightly* you shaww see him xDD waugh tiww +his face b-be wike a wet cwoak *looks away* iww waid up! +SHAWWOW. [Within] Siw John! +FAWSTAFF. >w< I come, *shuffles closer* Mastew S-Shawwow; I >_> come, *leans over* Mastew ^-^ Shawwow. +E-Exit + + + + +S-SCENyE II. +Westminstew. The pawace + +Entew, sevewawwy, >w< WAWWICK, a-and t-the *leans over* WOWD CHIEF JUSTICE + +WAWWICK. How nyow, my Wowd Chief *cuddles you* Justice; whithew a-away? +CHIEF JUSTICE. How ^-^ doth the K-King? +W-WAWWICK. Exceeding weww; his *sweats* cawes awe nyow aww ended. +CHIEF JUSTICE. I hope, nyot dead. +WAWWICK. He's wawk'd the way of nyatuwe; +And to o-ouw puwposes h-he wives nyo mowe. +CHIEF JUSTICE. I wouwd his Majesty had caww'd me with him. +The sewvice that I twuwy did his wife +Hath weft me o-open to aww injuwies. +WAWWICK. *giggles shyly* Indeed, I think xDD the *sighs* young king woves you nyot. +CHIEF JUSTICE. I x3 knyow he *blushes* doth *hugs tightly* nyot, and do awm mysewf +T-To wewcome the condition *twerks* of the time, +Which cannyot w-wook mowe hideouswy upon me +Than I *looks at you* have dwawn it in my fantasy. + +Entew WANCASTEW, CWAWENCE, GWOUCESTEW, +WESTMOWEWAND, and othews + +WAWWICK. Hewe comes >_< the heavy issue of dead ^-^ Hawwy. +O that the wiving Hawwy had t-the tempew +Of he, the wowst of these thwee gentwemen! +How many nyobwes then shouwd howd x3 theiw p-pwaces +That must stwike saiw to spiwits ^-^ of viwe sowt! +CHIEF *teleports behind you* JUSTICE. *teleports behind you* O God, I feaw aww wiww be ovewtuwn'd. +^w^ PWINCE JOHN. Good mowwow, cousin Wawwick, good mowwow. +>w< GWOUCESTEW & CWAWENCE. *shuffles closer* Good mowwow, c-cousin. +*twerks* PWINCE JOHN. We meet *pokes you* wike men that had fowgot to speak. +WAWWICK. We do wemembew; b-but ouw a-awgument +Is aww too heavy to admit much tawk. +PWINCE JOHN. *looks away* Weww, peace *twerks* be with him that hath made us heavy! +*cuddles you* CHIEF JUSTICE. *sighs* Peace be >_> with us, west we be heaview! +PWINCE HUMPHWEY. O, g-good my wowd, you have wost a fwiend indeed; +A-And I dawe sweaw you bowwow nyot that face +Of seeming sowwow- uWu it ^-^ is suwe y-youw own. +PWINCE :33 JOHN. Though nyo man be assuw'd >_> what gwace to find, +You stand in cowdest expectation. +I am the sowwiew; wouwd 'twewe ^w^ othewwise. +CWAWENCE. W-Weww, you must n-nyow speak Siw John Fawstaff faiw; +Which swims against youw stweam OwO of quawity. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Sweet Pwinces, what I d-did, I did i-in honyouw, +>w< Wed by th' i-impawtiaw conduct of my souw; +And nyevew shaww you see that I w-wiww *pokes you* beg +A w-wagged and fowestaww'd wemission. +If t-twuth and upwight >w< innyocency faiw me, +I'ww to x3 the King my mastew that is dead, +And teww him who hath sent me aftew him. +WAWWICK. Hewe comes the Pwince. + +Entew *cries* KING H-HENWY >_> THE F-FIFTH, *twerks* attended + +*shuffles closer* CHIEF J-JUSTICE. Good mowwow, and uWu God save youw UwU Majesty! +K-KING. This nyew and gowgeous gawment, ^-^ majesty, +Sits nyot so ^w^ easy on >_> me as y-you *giggles shyly* think. +Bwothews, UwU you mix youw sadnyess with some feaw. +This is the Engwish, nyot *cries* the *teleports behind you* Tuwkish couwt; +Nyot ^-^ Amuwath :33 an Amuwath s-succeeds, +But H-Hawwy Hawwy. Yet UwU be sad, good bwothews, +F-Fow, by my faith, it v-vewy weww becomes you. +Sowwow >_> so woyawwy i-in you a-appeaws +T-That I wiww deepwy put ;;w;; the fashion on, +And w-weaw it in my x3 heawt. *twerks* Why, then, be sad; +*twerks* But entewtain nyo mowe of i-it, good *twerks* bwothews, +Than a joint buwden *screams* waid upon us aww. +F-Fow m-me, by heaven, I bid you be assuw'd, +I'ww b-be y-youw fathew and y-youw bwothew too; +Wet me but :3 beaw youw wove, I'ww b-beaw youw cawes. +Yet weep that H-Hawwy's dead, and so wiww I; +But H-Hawwy wives that shaww c-convewt those :3 teaws +By nyumbew into houws of happinyess. +B-BWOTHEWS. We hope nyo othewwise *blushes* fwom ^-^ youw Majesty. +KING. You a-aww wook stwangewy on >_> me; and you most. +You awe, I think, assuw'd *pokes you* I wove y-you nyot. +CHIEF JUSTICE. I *notices bulge* am assuw'd, if I be measuw'd wightwy, +Youw Majesty hath nyo just cause >_< to hate me. +^w^ KING. Nyo? +How might a-a pwince *hugs tightly* of my gweat hopes fowget +So gweat indignyities *twerks* you waid upon me? +What, w-wate, webuke, and woughwy send to *moans* pwison, +Th' i-immediate heiw of Engwand! Was :33 this *blushes* easy? +M-May this be *screams* wash'd in *moans* Wethe and fowgotten? +CHIEF JUSTICE. I then did use the pewson of youw fathew; +The image of his p-powew way then in me; +And in th' adminyistwation *cries* of his waw, +Whiwes I was busy fow *leans over* the commonweawth, +Youw Highnyess pweased to fowget m-my pwace, +The majesty and powew >w< of waw x3 and justice, +The image of the *shuffles closer* King whom I pwesented, +And stwuck *screams* me in m-my *looks at you* vewy seat of judgment; +Wheweon, as a-an offendew *sighs* to y-youw fathew, +I gave *sweats* bowd way to m-my authowity +And did commit *moans* you. If the deed wewe iww, +>_> Be y-you contented, weawing nyow the gawwand, +To *looks at you* have a son *twerks* set youw decwees at nyought, +To pwuck down justice fwom youw awfuw b-bench, +To ^-^ twip uWu the *pokes you* couwse *blushes* of waw, and bwunt the swowd +That guawds the peace and safety of youw pewson; +Nyay, mowe, to spuwn at youw most woyaw image, +And mock youw wowkings in a second body. +Question youw woyaw t-thoughts, make the case youws; +*pokes you* Be nyow the fathew, ^-^ and pwopose a-a s-son; +H-Heaw x3 youw own dignyity so *screams* much *blushes* pwofan'd, +See *screams* youw most dweadfuw waws so woosewy swighted, +Behowd y-youwsewf s-so by a son disdain'd; +And then imaginye me taking :3 youw p-pawt +:33 And, in youw powew, soft siwencing youw ^w^ son. +Aftew *teleports behind you* this cowd considewance, sentence me; +And, as you awe a king, s-speak in youw state +*notices bulge* What I *sweats* have donye that misbecame m-my pwace, +My pewson, ow my wiege's soveweignty. +KING. You awe w-wight, Justice, and y-you weigh *cries* this weww; +Thewefowe stiww beaw the >_< bawance and the swowd; +*cuddles you* And I do wish youw honyouws may incwease +Tiww *pokes you* you *giggles shyly* do wive to see *teleports behind you* a son of minye +Offend you, and >w< obey you, as I did. +So shaww I wive t-to speak my fathew's wowds: +'Happy am I ^.^ that have a m-man so bowd +That xDD dawes do j-justice on my pwopew son; +And nyot wess happy, having such a son +That wouwd ;;w;; dewivew up his gweatnyess s-so +Into *pokes you* the hands ^-^ of justice.' You did commit me; +Fow which I do commit *screams* into youw hand +Th' unstainyed swowd that y-you UwU have us'd to beaw; +With this wemembwance- *leans over* that *twerks* you *leans over* use the same +With the wike bowd, just, and impawtiaw spiwit +As you have donye 'gainst me. *twerks* Thewe *giggles shyly* is my *moans* hand. +You shaww *leans over* be *cries* as a fathew to *notices bulge* my youth; +My voice shaww sound as you do ^-^ pwompt minye eaw; +And I wiww stoop and humbwe my intents +To youw weww-pwactis'd w-wise diwections. +And, Pwinces aww, bewieve me, I *teleports behind you* beseech y-you, +My fathew i-is *giggles shyly* gonye wiwd i-into his gwave, +Fow in his tomb wie my affections; +And with his spiwits sadwy I uWu suwvive, +To mock the expectation of the wowwd, +To fwustwate pwophecies, and *cuddles you* to w-waze out +^.^ Wotten opinyion, who hath wwit me down +Aftew my seeming. The tide o-of bwood UwU in me +Hath pwoudwy fwow'd in vanyity tiww nyow. +N-Nyow d-doth it tuwn and ebb back t-to the *looks at you* sea, +Whewe it shaww mingwe with the state of fwoods, +And ^w^ fwow *screams* hencefowth in f-fowmaw majesty. +:3 Nyow *notices bulge* caww uWu we o-ouw high couwt of pawwiament; +A-And wet us c-choose s-such wimbs of *notices bulge* nyobwe c-counsew, +That *hugs tightly* the gweat body of ouw state may go +In equaw wank with the *screams* best govewn'd nyation; +T-That w-waw, ow peace, ow both at once, m-may *sweats* be +As t-things acquainted and *leans over* famiwiaw to us; +In which *looks away* you, fathew, shaww have fowemost hand. +O-Ouw cowonyation donye, w-we w-wiww accite, +As I befowe w-wememb'wed, aww ouw state; +And- God c-consignying to my good i-intents- +Nyo pwince nyow peew s-shaww have just cause to s-say, +God showten >_< Hawwy's h-happy wife o-onye day. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +^-^ Gwoucestewshiwe. SHAWWOW'S owchawd + +^-^ Entew FAWSTAFF, SHAWWOW, SIWENCE, BAWDOWPH, *moans* the PAGE, :3 and DAVY + +SHAWWOW. *sighs* Nyay, you >_> shaww see m-my owchawd, UwU whewe, in an a-awbouw, w-we +wiww eat a wast y-yeaw's p-pippin *sighs* of minye own gwaffing, with a >w< dish +of c-cawaways, and so uWu fowth. Come, cousin Siwence. And then to bed. +F-FAWSTAFF. F-Fowe God, you have hewe a-a goodwy dwewwing and w-wich. +SHAWWOW. Bawwen, bawwen, bawwen; beggaws aww, beggaws aww, Siw John +-mawwy, good *sweats* aiw. Spwead, Davy, spwead, D-Davy; weww said, Davy. +:33 FAWSTAFF. T-This Davy *cries* sewves you fow *looks away* good uses; he >_< is youw +*blushes* sewving-man and OwO youw husband. +SHAWWOW. A good vawwet, a good vawwet, a-a vewy good vawwet, Siw +*cuddles you* John. By ^-^ the mass, I h-have dwunk too much :33 sack at suppew. A >_> good +vawwet. Nyow sit down, nyow sit down; come, cousin. +SIWENCE. Ah, s-siwwah! quoth-a- we *sighs* shaww [Singing] + +Do nyothing but eat and make g-good cheew, +And *shuffles closer* pwaise God f-fow the mewwy yeaw; +When fwesh is OwO cheap a-and femawes deaw, +A-And wusty wads woam hewe and xDD thewe, +So *pokes you* mewwiwy, +And evew among so mewwiwy. + +FAWSTAFF. Thewe's uWu a mewwy heawt! *hugs tightly* Good Mastew Siwence, I'ww give you +:3 a heawth fow that anyon. +SHAWWOW. Give *giggles shyly* Mastew Bawdowph some winye, *leans over* Davy. +DAVY. Sweet siw, sit; I'ww be with *moans* you a-anyon; most sweet siw, sit. +Mastew P-Page, good Mastew Page, sit. Pwoface! *teleports behind you* What you want in +:3 meat, we'ww have in *screams* dwink. But you must beaw; the heawt's aww. +Exit +SHAWWOW. B-Be mewwy, Mastew Bawdowph; and, my *shuffles closer* wittwe *shuffles closer* sowdiew thewe, +be mewwy. +SIWENCE. [Singing] + +Be mewwy, be *looks away* mewwy, my wife has a-aww; +F-Fow women awe shwews, both showt a-and taww; +'Tis m-mewwy *sweats* in haww when beawds wag an; +And w-wewcome *pokes you* mewwy *teleports behind you* Shwove-tide. +Be mewwy, b-be mewwy. + +FAWSTAFF. I did nyot think Mastew ;;w;; Siwence had ^w^ been a m-man of this +mettwe. +S-SIWENCE. Who, *looks away* I? *teleports behind you* I h-have been mewwy twice a-and once ewe nyow. + +We-entew DAVY + +D-DAVY. [To *giggles shyly* BAWDOWPH] Thewe's a dish uWu of weathew-coats fow you. +SHAWWOW. D-Davy! +DAVY. Youw *sweats* wowship! I'ww be with you *blushes* stwaight. [To BAWDOWPH] +A c-cup of winye, *shuffles closer* siw? +UwU SIWENCE. [-[Singing] + +A cup of winye that's bwisk and f-finye, +And ^w^ dwink unto t-the weman minye; +And a mewwy *hugs tightly* heawt wives w-wong-a. + +FAWSTAFF. Weww said, Mastew Siwence. +SIWENCE. An *sighs* we shaww b-be mewwy, nyow comes i-in the sweet o' th' nyight. +FAWSTAFF. Heawth and wong wife t-to you, Mastew Siwence! +SIWENCE. [-[Singing] + +Fiww the cup, and wet it come, +I'ww pwedge ^w^ you a *pokes you* miwe to th' bottom. + +SHAWWOW. Honyest Bawdowph, w-wewcome; if ^-^ thou want'st anything and +wiwt nyot caww, beshwew thy heawt. Wewcome, m-my wittwe tiny t-thief +and wewcome i-indeed *shuffles closer* too. I'ww ^-^ dwink to Mastew Bawdowph, and to aww +the cabiwewos about >w< Wondon. +DAVY. I hope to see Wondon o-once ewe I die. +BAWDOWPH. An I might >_< see you thewe, *blushes* Davy! +SHAWWOW. By the mass, you'W cwack a quawt togethew- ha! wiww you +n-nyot, Mastew Bawdowph? +*screams* BAWDOWPH. Yea, siw, in a p-pottwe-pot. +SHAWWOW. By God's wiggens, I >_> thank :3 thee. The *notices bulge* knyave wiww stick by +thee, I can assuwe thee that. 'A wiww nyot out, '-'a; 'tis twue +bwed. +BAWDOWPH. *sweats* And I'ww stick by h-him, s-siw. +*shuffles closer* SHAWWOW. Why, t-thewe spoke a king. *hugs tightly* Wack nyothing; be mewwy. +[Onye k-knyocks at doow] Wook who's at doow thewe, ho! Who knyocks? +E-Exit DAVY +FAWSTAFF. [-[To SIWENCE, who h-has d-dwunk a bumpew] Why, nyow you h-have +d-donye me wight. +SIWENCE. [Singing] + +Do me wight, +And dub me knyight. +Samingo. + +Is't nyot so? +FAWSTAFF. 'Tis so. +SIWENCE. Is't so? Why then, say an owd *leans over* man can do somewhat. + +We-entew DAVY + +DAVY. A-An't pwease youw wowship, t-thewe's onye Pistow come fwom the +>_> couwt with nyews. +x3 FAWSTAFF. Fwom the x3 couwt? Wet him come in. + +Entew PISTOW + +How nyow, Pistow? +PISTOW. Siw John, God save you! +FAWSTAFF. W-What wind bwew you :3 hithew, Pistow? +PISTOW. Nyot the ;;w;; iww wind which bwows nyo *leans over* man to good. Sweet knyight, +thou awt *notices bulge* nyow onye of the *notices bulge* gweatest m-men in this weawm. +SIWENCE. *notices bulge* By'w wady, I think 'a b-be, *giggles shyly* but goodman P-Puff of Bawson. +PISTOW. *giggles shyly* Puff! +Puff in thy teeth, most wecweant *cuddles you* cowawd ^w^ base! +Siw John, I am t-thy Pistow and thy fwiend, +And hewtew-skewtew *cuddles you* have I ^w^ wode to thee; +And tidings do I bwing, and wucky *hugs tightly* joys, +:33 And gowden times, and happy nyews of ^-^ pwice. +FAWSTAFF. I pway thee nyow, dewivew them wike a man of *teleports behind you* this wowwd. +PISTOW. A foutwa fow the wowwd and wowwdwings *cries* base! +I speak of Afwica *cuddles you* and gowden joys. +F-FAWSTAFF. O base A-Assywian knyight, what i-is thy *moans* nyews? +Wet King OwO Cophetua knyow the t-twuth *shuffles closer* theweof. +SIWENCE. [Singing] >_> And Wobin Hood, :3 Scawwet, and John. +PISTOW. ;;w;; Shaww dunghiww cuws confwont the H-Hewicons? +And shaww xDD good nyews be baffwed? +Then, P-Pistow, way thy h-head in Fuwies' wap. +SHAWWOW. Honyest gentweman, I knyow nyot youw bweeding. +PISTOW. xDD Why, t-then, wament uWu thewefowe. +SHAWWOW. Give xDD me p-pawdon, siw. *hugs tightly* If, siw, you come w-with *hugs tightly* nyews fwom t-the +couwt, I take it t-thewe's but ^.^ two ways- *sweats* eithew *screams* to uttew t-them ow +*moans* conceaw them. uWu I OwO am, siw, undew the King, in some authowity. +PISTOW. Undew which king, Bezonyian? Speak, ow die. +SHAWWOW. Undew King Hawwy. +*shuffles closer* PISTOW. Hawwy the F-Fouwth- *looks away* ow Fifth? +SHAWWOW. Hawwy t-the Fouwth. +*notices bulge* PISTOW. A foutwa fow *cuddles you* thinye o-office! +Siw John, thy tendew wambkin nyow is King; +H-Hawwy the Fifth's t-the man. I speak the twuth. +When Pistow wies, d-do *looks at you* this; and *pokes you* fig *cries* me, wike +The >w< bwagging S-Spanyiawd. +FAWSTAFF. What, is the *cries* owd king dead? +PISTOW. As nyaiw *notices bulge* in doow. *cries* The things I speak awe just. +F-FAWSTAFF. Away, Bawdowph! *sighs* saddwe my howse. *pokes you* Mastew :33 Wobewt S-Shawwow, +choose what ^.^ office t-thou wiwt in the wand, 'tis thinye. *looks at you* Pistow, I +wiww doubwe-chawge *leans over* thee with dignyities. +*hugs tightly* BAWDOWPH. O joyfuw day! +I wouwd nyot take a knyighthood *sighs* fow my fowtunye. +>_< PISTOW. What, I *looks away* do bwing good nyews? +>w< FAWSTAFF. Cawwy Mastew Siwence t-to bed. ^.^ Mastew Shawwow, my Wowd +*screams* Shawwow, be what thou w-wiwt- I a-am Fowtunye's s-stewawd. Get on thy +boots; we'ww wide aww n-nyight. O sweet P-Pistow! Away, Bawdowph! +*teleports behind you* [Exit *moans* BAWDOWPH] Come, Pistow, uttew *sweats* mowe to m-me; *blushes* and withaw +devise ;;w;; something to do :3 thysewf good. Boot, boot, *cuddles you* Mastew Shawwow! +*moans* I knyow ^w^ the young King is xDD sick *leans over* fow me. Wet *shuffles closer* us take any man's +howses: the >_> waws of Engwand awe at my commandment. Bwessed awe +they that *shuffles closer* have been my fwiends; ;;w;; and w-woe to m-my Wowd Chief Justice! +PISTOW. Wet v-vuwtuwes viwe s-seize on h-his wungs awso! +'Whewe is the w-wife that w-wate I-I wed?' *leans over* say they. +Why, h-hewe i-it is; wewcome *notices bulge* these pweasant days! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *leans over* IV. +^.^ Wondon. A s-stweet + +Entew BEADWES, :3 dwagging in HOSTESS QUICKWY a-and DOWW T-TEAWSHEET + +HOSTESS. Nyo, thou awwant knyave; I wouwd xDD to God that I *pokes you* might die, +that I-I might h-have ;;w;; thee hang'd. UwU Thou hast dwawn my xDD shouwdew o-out of +j-joint. +^-^ FIWST BEADWE. :33 The constabwes have dewivewed hew ovew to me; and she +shaww have whipping-cheew enyough, I wawwant hew. *leans over* Thewe *giggles shyly* hath UwU been +a man ow *twerks* two w-watewy kiww'd about h-hew. +D-DOWW. Nyut-hook, nyut-hook, you wie. Come ;;w;; on; I'ww teww thee w-what, +thou damn'd twipe-visag'd wascaw, an the ;;w;; chiwd I n-nyow uWu go *twerks* with do +x3 miscawwy, thou *cries* wewt bettew thou hadst stwuck t-thy m-mothew, thou +papew-fac'd viwwain. +HOSTESS. O the W-Wowd, that S-Siw J-John wewe c-come! UwU He wouwd make *hugs tightly* this a +*notices bulge* bwoody d-day to somebody. But *giggles shyly* I pway God the f-fwuit of hew womb +miscawwy! +FIWST BEADWE. UwU If it do, you shaww have a *teleports behind you* dozen of c-cushions again; +you have but eweven nyow. Come, I chawge you both go *giggles shyly* with uWu me; fow +the man is dead xDD that *twerks* you and Pistow beat a-amongst you. +DOWW. I'ww teww you what, you thin man UwU in a censew, >w< I *sighs* wiww h-have you +as soundwy swing'd *hugs tightly* fow this- you bwue-bottwe wogue, you fiwthy +f-famish'd c-cowwectionyew, if y-you be xDD nyot swing'd, I'ww f-fowsweaw +hawf-kiwtwes. +FIWST BEADWE. Come, come, you she *teleports behind you* knyight-ewwant, come. +HOSTESS. O God, t-that wight shouwd thus o-ovewcome might! +Weww, of suffewance *looks away* comes ease. +^.^ DOWW. Come, you wogue, come; bwing me to a justice. +HOSTESS. Ay, come, uWu you stawv'd bwoodhound. +DOWW. Goodman death, *sweats* goodman bonyes! +*giggles shyly* HOSTESS. Thou a-atomy, *moans* thou! +DOWW. Come, *giggles shyly* you thin *shuffles closer* thing! come, *cuddles you* you wascaw! +FIWST BEADWE. Vewy weww. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +Westminstew. Nyeaw t-the Abbey + +Entew GWOOMS, stwewing wushes + +FIWST GWOOM. Mowe wushes, mowe wushes! +SECOND GWOOM. The twumpets have sounded twice. +T-THIWD GWOOM. 'Twiww be two *notices bulge* o'cwock ewe they c-come fwom the +cowonyation. Dispatch, dispatch. Exeunt + +Twumpets sound, and the KING and his twain pass +*sighs* ovew the stage. Aftew *sweats* them entew FAWSTAFF, SHAWWOW, +PISTOW, B-BAWDOWPH, and page + +FAWSTAFF. Stand hewe by me, Mastew Wobewt Shawwow; I-I wiww make the +King do you gwace. I-I wiww weew upon him, as 'a comes *leans over* by; a-and do +but mawk *notices bulge* the countenyance that he *leans over* wiww give me. +PISTOW. God bwess thy wungs, >_< good knyight! +FAWSTAFF. Come hewe, *cuddles you* Pistow; stand behind m-me. [To S-SHAWWOW] O, if +I had had to have m-made nyew wivewies, ^.^ I wouwd have bestowed the +thousand pound I >_> bowwowed o-of you. *shuffles closer* But 'tis nyo mattew; this poow +*cries* show doth bettew; this >_< doth infew the zeaw OwO I had t-to see him. +SHAWWOW. It ^.^ doth so. +FAWSTAFF. It shows my eawnyestnyess of affection- +*blushes* SHAWWOW. It d-doth so. +FAWSTAFF. *giggles shyly* My devotion- +*sweats* SHAWWOW. :33 It doth, :33 it d-doth, *shuffles closer* it doth. +FAWSTAFF. As *twerks* it wewe, to wide day and ^w^ nyight; and *pokes you* nyot to d-dewibewate, +nyot to wemembew, nyot to h-have patience to shift me- +SHAWWOW. I-It is best, c-cewtain. +FAWSTAFF. B-But t-to stand s-stainyed with twavew, and sweating w-with +d-desiwe to *cries* see him; thinking of nyothing ewse, putting a-aww affaiws +ewse in obwivion, as ^.^ if t-thewe wewe n-nyothing ewse to b-be *sighs* donye but t-to +see him. +PISTOW. 'Tis 'sempew idem' fow 'obsque hoc nyihiw *cuddles you* est.' '-'Tis aww in +evewy pawt. +SHAWWOW. 'Tis so, indeed. +PISTOW. My knyight, I wiww infwame thy nyobwe wivew +And make *teleports behind you* thee wage. +Thy Doww, *sighs* and Hewen of thy nyobwe thoughts, +Is i-in base *giggles shyly* duwance and *pokes you* contagious pwison; +Haw'd thithew +B-By most mechanyicaw and diwty hand. +>w< Wouse up wevenge *shuffles closer* fwom ebon den with feww Awecto's snyake, +^.^ Fow OwO Doww is in. Pistow s-speaks nyought but twuth. +FAWSTAFF. I wiww dewivew UwU hew. +[Shouts,within, and the twumpets *sweats* sound] +*twerks* PISTOW. Thewe woaw'd the sea, and twumpet-cwangow sounds. + +Entew the K-KING and his twain, the WOWD CHIEF >w< JUSTICE +*teleports behind you* among them + +FAWSTAFF. God save t-thy Gwace, K-King uWu Haw; my x3 woyaw Haw! +PISTOW. The heavens thee g-guawd and *notices bulge* keep, most woyaw imp of fame! +FAWSTAFF. God save thee, my sweet boy! +KING. My OwO Wowd *sweats* Chief Justice, speak to that vain *looks away* man. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Have *shuffles closer* you youw wits? Knyow you what '-'tis you ^-^ speak? +FAWSTAFF. My king! my Jove! *cuddles you* I *teleports behind you* speak *sighs* to thee, my heawt! +K-KING. I knyow thee nyot, owd ^.^ man. UwU Faww t-to *notices bulge* thy pwayews. +xDD How iww white x3 haiws b-become a-a foow and jestew! +I have wong dweamt of such a-a *sweats* kind of man, +So suwfeit-sweww'd, so owd, and so pwofanye; +*pokes you* But UwU being awak'd, I do UwU despise my d-dweam. +Make wess thy *sweats* body hence, and mowe thy gwace; +Weave gowmandizing; knyow the gwave doth g-gape +Fow uWu thee thwice >_> widew t-than fow othew men- +Wepwy nyot t-to x3 me with a *notices bulge* foow-bown jest; +Pwesume nyot that I a-am the >w< thing I was, +Fow God doth knyow, so s-shaww the wowwd ^-^ pewceive, +*pokes you* That *screams* I have tuwn'd away my fowmew sewf; +So wiww >_> I those that kept *leans over* me company. +When thou dost heaw I *shuffles closer* am as I h-have been, +Appwoach me, *blushes* and thou shawt be >_< as thou wast, +The tutow and the feedew *sighs* of my wiots. +Tiww then I banyish thee, on p-pain of death, +As I have UwU donye the west of my misweadews, +Nyot *giggles shyly* to come nyeaw ouw pewson by t-ten miwe. +Fow competence of w-wife I wiww awwow you, +That wack *leans over* of means enfowce you nyot to :3 eviws; +OwO And, :3 as ^.^ we heaw you do w-wefowm youwsewves, +We w-wiww, *giggles shyly* accowding *moans* to *blushes* youw stwengths and quawities, +Give *screams* you advancement. Be it youw OwO chawge, my wowd, +To see p-pewfowm'd the tenyouw of o-ouw wowd. +Set on. Exeunt the KING a-and his twain +FAWSTAFF. Mastew Shawwow, I-I o-owe you a thousand pounds. +SHAWWOW. Yea, mawwy, *giggles shyly* Siw John; which *hugs tightly* I beseech you to wet *looks at you* me have +home with me. +FAWSTAFF. That can hawdwy be, Mastew Shawwow. Do nyot you gwieve at +t-this; I shaww be sent fow in pwivate to *screams* him. >_> Wook you, *notices bulge* he must +seem *giggles shyly* thus to the *shuffles closer* wowwd. Feaw nyot youw advancements; I wiww b-be the +man yet t-that s-shaww *twerks* make you gweat. +SHAWWOW. *sighs* I cannyot pewceive how, *cries* unwess you give me youw doubwet, +and stuff me out *looks away* with stwaw. I beseech you, good Siw John, wet me +have five hundwed o-of my thousand. +FAWSTAFF. Siw, I wiww be a-as g-good as my wowd. This that y-you *sweats* heawd +x3 was but a *sighs* cowouw. +SHAWWOW. A cowouw that I *notices bulge* feaw y-you wiww die in, Siw John. +FAWSTAFF. Feaw nyo cowouws; go with me to dinnyew. Come, W-Wieutenyant +P-Pistow; come, Bawdowph. I *leans over* shaww b-be sent fow s-soon at nyight. + +We-entew P-PWINCE JOHN, *shuffles closer* the WOWD CHIEF *moans* JUSTICE, +with officews + +CHIEF *hugs tightly* JUSTICE. Go, cawwy *twerks* Siw ;;w;; John Fawstaff to the Fweet; +Take a-aww his c-company >w< awong with him. +FAWSTAFF. My >_> wowd, my wowd- +CHIEF JUSTICE. I *twerks* cannyot nyow speak. I wiww heaw you soon. +Take them x3 away. +*looks away* PISTOW. Si fowtunya me towmenta, *hugs tightly* spewo me contenta. +Exeunt aww but PWINCE JOHN *screams* and the WOWD CHIEF JUSTICE +PWINCE JOHN. *cuddles you* I wike this ^.^ faiw pwoceeding of t-the King's. +He hath x3 intent h-his wonted fowwowews +Shaww aww be ^.^ vewy weww pwovided f-fow; +But aww awe banyish'd tiww theiw :3 convewsations +Appeaw mowe wise and modest to t-the wowwd. +CHIEF J-JUSTICE. And so they awe. +*notices bulge* PWINCE *giggles shyly* JOHN. The King hath caww'd his p-pawwiament, my wowd. +CHIEF J-JUSTICE. H-He hath. +PWINCE JOHN. I-I *twerks* wiww *looks away* way odds OwO that, ewe this yeaw e-expiwe, +We beaw ouw ^-^ civiw swowds and n-nyative fiwe +As faw as F-Fwance. I heawd a biwd so sing, +W-Whose music, ^w^ to my thinking, pweas'd the King. +C-Come, wiww you hence? :33 Exeunt + +EPIWOGUE +EPIWOGUE. + +Fiwst uWu my *teleports behind you* feaw, then my c-cuwtsy, wast my speech. My feaw, *blushes* is y-youw +dispweasuwe; my cuwtsy, my duty; and *looks at you* my speech, to beg youw pawdons. +If you wook f-fow a good speech nyow, you undo me; fow what I have to *looks at you* say +i-is of minye o-own making; and >_< what, indeed, I-I s-shouwd say wiww, I doubt, +pwove minye o-own m-mawwing. But to *moans* the puwpose, and so to the ventuwe. +Be it knyown t-to you, as it is *cries* vewy weww, *shuffles closer* I was watewy hewe in the >_> end +of a d-dispweasing pway, to p-pway youw ;;w;; patience fow it and to p-pwomise *cries* you +*looks away* a bettew. I meant, indeed, *leans over* to pay y-you with this; which if wike an +iww ^-^ ventuwe it come unwuckiwy home, I ^.^ bweak, and uWu you, my gentwe +cweditows, wose. Hewe I pwomis'd you I wouwd be, and hewe I c-commit +my body t-to youw mewcies. Bate me some, a-and I wiww *cries* pay y-you some, and, +as most debtows d-do, pwomise you infinyitewy; *blushes* and so I knyeew down befowe +y-you- but, *giggles shyly* indeed, t-to OwO pway fow t-the Queen. +If ^w^ my tongue OwO cannyot entweat you to >w< acquit *cuddles you* me, wiww you *leans over* command me to +use my wegs? And yet that w-wewe but wight payment-to d-dance >_< out of +xDD youw debt. But a good conscience *looks at you* wiww make any p-possibwe +satisfaction, a-and *sighs* so *sighs* wouwd I. Aww the gentwewomen h-hewe have *cuddles you* fowgiven +UwU me. If the gentwemen wiww nyot, then the gentwemen d-do nyot agwee with +the gentwewomen, which w-was n-nyevew s-seen befowe in such an a-assembwy. +x3 Onye *moans* wowd m-mowe, I beseech you. If you be nyot too *pokes you* much cwoy'd ;;w;; with fat +meat, ouw humbwe authow wiww continyue the s-stowy, with Siw John in +it, and make uWu you mewwy with faiw Kathewinye of Fwance; whewe, f-fow +anything I *blushes* knyow, Fawstaff shaww die of a sweat, unwess a-awweady 'a be +kiwwed with youw hawd opinyions; fow Owdcastwe died a mawtyw and this +is nyot the man. My tongue is weawy; xDD when m-my wegs awe too, I wiww b-bid +you good *sighs* nyight. + + +THE *giggles shyly* END + + + +<w< OW :33 USED +C-COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW :3 DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE ^.^ THAT CHAWGES F-FOW >_> DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +:33 1599 + +THE WIFE O-OF KING HENWY THE *sweats* FIFTH + +by W-Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS *notices bulge* PEWSONyAE + +CHOWUS +KING HENWY THE FIFTH +DUKE OF GWOUCESTEW, bwothew to the King +DUKE OF BEDFOWD, x3 " " " " +DUKE OF *sighs* EXETEW, Uncwe to t-the King +DUKE OF YOWK, cousin to *leans over* the K-King +EAWW OF SAWISBUWY +EAWW OF WESTMOWEWAND +EAWW OF WAWWICK +AWCHBISHOP OF CANTEWBUWY +BISHOP OF EWY + +EAWW O-OF *cuddles you* CAMBWIDGE, conspiwatow a-against the King +WOWD *looks away* SCWOOP, " "-" " " +SIW THOMAS GWEY, " " " "-" +S-SIW *sweats* THOMAS EWPINGHAM, officew in the King's awmy +GOWEW, " " >_> " " " +F-FWUEWWEN, " *sweats* " " " *looks away* " +MACMOWWIS, " " " " " +JAMY, " " " "-" " + +BATES, *moans* sowdiew in the King's awmy +COUWT, *looks at you* " " " " " +WIWWIAMS, " " " " " +NYM, " "-" " " *giggles shyly* " +BAWDOWPH, " " *hugs tightly* " " " +*twerks* PISTOW, " *moans* " " UwU " uWu " + +BOY A HEWAWD + +CHAWWES THE SIXTH, King of F-Fwance +WEWIS, the Dauphin DUKE OF BUWGUNDY +DUKE O-OF ;;w;; OWWEANS D-DUKE OF BWITAINyE +DUKE OF BOUWBON *notices bulge* THE CONSTABWE OF *screams* FWANCE +WAMBUWES, *moans* Fwench Wowd +;;w;; GWANDPWE, " *moans* " +GOVEWNyOW O-OF HAWFWEUW x3 MONTJOY, a Fwench hewawd +AMBASSADOWS to the King of Engwand + +ISABEW, Queen of Fwance +uWu KATHEWINyE, daughtew to Chawwes *screams* and Isabew +AWICE, uWu a wady attending hew +HOSTESS o-of the Boaw's Head, Eastcheap; fowmewwy Mws. Quickwy, nyow +mawwied to Pistow + +>_> Wowds, Wadies, Officews, Sowdiews, M-Messengews, Attendants + + +SCENyE: +Engwand and Fwance + +PWOWOGUE +PWOWOGUE. + +Entew *looks away* CHOWUS + +C-CHOWUS. O fow a Muse o-of fiwe, that wouwd ascend +The bwightest heaven *moans* of invention, +*blushes* A *sweats* kingdom fow *cries* a :33 stage, pwinces to a-act, +And monyawchs to *twerks* behowd the *giggles shyly* swewwing scenye! +Then shouwd the wawwike Hawwy, x3 wike himsewf, +Assume the powt o-of Maws; and at his *pokes you* heews, +Weash'd in wike hounds, shouwd faminye, swowd, and fiwe, +*moans* Cwouch fow *teleports behind you* empwoyment. But pawdon, gentwes aww, +The fwat unwaised spiwits *twerks* that hath d-daw'd +On *screams* this u-unwowthy scaffowd to bwing fowth +So gweat an object. C-Can this cockpit OwO howd +The vasty fiewds of Fwance? >w< Ow may w-we c-cwam +Within t-this wooden O the vewy casques +That did affwight the aiw at Agincouwt? +O, pawdon! *sweats* since a cwooked *sighs* figuwe may +Attest in wittwe *pokes you* pwace a miwwion; +And wet us, ciphews to this gweat *hugs tightly* accompt, +On youw imaginyawy fowces wowk. +^-^ Suppose within the giwdwe of these wawws +Awe nyow c-confin'd two mighty monyawchies, +*looks away* Whose high upweawed and abutting fwonts +The pewiwous nyawwow ocean pawts asundew. +Piece x3 out ouw impewfections with youw thoughts: +Into a thousand p-pawts divide o-onye man, +And make imaginyawy puissance; +Think, when we tawk of howses, *sighs* that you see them +Pwinting *sweats* theiw pwoud *screams* hoofs i' th' weceiving eawth; +Fow 'tis youw thoughts *giggles shyly* that nyow must deck ouw kings, +Cawwy them hewe and thewe, jumping o'ew times, +Tuwnying th' accompwishment of many *giggles shyly* yeaws +I-Into an houw-gwass; fow the which >_> suppwy, +Admit me C-Chowus UwU to *blushes* this histowy; +Who p-pwowogue-wike, youw humbwe patience pway +G-Gentwy to heaw, kindwy to j-judge, ouw >_> pway. ^-^ Exit + + + + +<_> BY PWOJECT >w< GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND ^-^ MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY B-BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS *screams* SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW *looks away* OTHEWS +P-PEWSONyAW *shuffles closer* USE ONWY, AND >_< (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. :3 PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT *cuddles you* CHAWGES F-FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *twerks* I. SCENyE I. +Wondon. An ante-chambew in t-the KING'S pawace + +Entew t-the AWCHBISHOP OF CANTEWBUWY and the BISHOP uWu OF EWY + +CANTEWBUWY. My wowd, I'ww teww you: that x3 sewf biww i-is u-uwg'd +Which in th' eweventh yeaw of the wast king's weign +W-Was wike, ;;w;; and had indeed against u-us p-pass'd +But t-that the s-scambwing and *twerks* unquiet t-time +>w< Did push it out of fawthew q-question. +E-EWY. But OwO how, my wowd, *looks at you* shaww we wesist i-it nyow? +C-CANTEWBUWY. It must be thought on. If it pass >_> against *notices bulge* us, +UwU We *looks at you* wose the bettew hawf of ouw possession; +Fow *screams* aww t-the tempowaw OwO wands w-which m-men devout +By testament have given to the chuwch +Wouwd they stwip *looks away* fwom us; being vawu'd thus- +As much as wouwd *giggles shyly* maintain, to t-the King's honyouw, +Fuww fifteen eawws and fifteen hundwed k-knyights, +Six thousand and ;;w;; two hundwed good esquiwes; +And, :3 to wewief of wazaws and *giggles shyly* weak age, +Of indigent >_< faint souws, past cowpowaw toiw, +A hundwed awms-houses *blushes* wight w-weww suppwied; +And to the c-coffews of the UwU King, xDD beside, +A thousand pounds b-by *leans over* th' yeaw: thus wuns *moans* the biww. +E-EWY. This wouwd dwink deep. +CANTEWBUWY. 'T w-wouwd *giggles shyly* dwink t-the cup :3 and aww. +*sweats* EWY. >w< But *shuffles closer* what *shuffles closer* pwevention? +*cuddles you* CANTEWBUWY. T-The King i-is fuww of gwace and faiw w-wegawd. +EWY. And a twue wovew of t-the howy Chuwch. +CANTEWBUWY. >_> The couwses of his youth *sighs* pwomis'd it nyot. +T-The bweath nyo soonyew weft his f-fathew's body +But that his wiwdnyess, mowtified *looks at you* in ^.^ him, +Seem'd *cries* to die too; yea, at *giggles shyly* that vewy m-moment, +Considewation wike an angew came +And whipp'd th' offending Adam out of him, +W-Weaving his b-body as a pawadise +T'envewop a-and contain cewestiaw spiwits. +Nyevew was *twerks* such a sudden schowaw made; +Nyevew came w-wefowmation in a fwood, +With such a heady c-cuwwance, OwO scouwing fauwts; +Nyow nyevew Hydwa-headed *notices bulge* wiwfuwnyes +So soon did wose his seat, and aww at o-once, +As in ;;w;; this king. +*shuffles closer* EWY. W-We awe bwessed in the ;;w;; change. +CANTEWBUWY. Heaw h-him but weason in divinyity, +And, aww-admiwing, with UwU an inwawd wish +You wouwd desiwe the King wewe m-made a *blushes* pwewate; +Heaw him UwU debate *moans* of commonweawth affaiws, +You wouwd :33 say it hath been ;;w;; aww in aww his study; +Wist his discouwse of w-waw, *moans* and you shaww heaw +A feawfuw battwe wend'wed you in *giggles shyly* music. +Tuwn *shuffles closer* him to any cause of >_< powicy, +The Gowdian knyot of it he wiww unwoose, +Famiwiaw as his *looks away* gawtew; that, when h-he speaks, +*moans* The aiw, a chawtew'd wibewtinye, is uWu stiww, +And t-the mute wondew w-wuwketh *moans* in men's *cries* eaws +To *sighs* steaw his sweet UwU and honyey'd sentences; +:3 So >_> that the *notices bulge* awt and pwactic pawt of wife +Must be the mistwess to this theowic; +Which is a wondew how his Gwace shouwd gwean *looks away* it, +xDD Since his addiction was ;;w;; to couwses vain, +His companyies ^.^ unwettew'd, *looks away* wude, a-and shawwow, +^-^ His houws fiww'd up with wiots, *sighs* banquets, spowts; +And nyevew nyoted in h-him any s-study, +Any wetiwement, any sequestwation +Fwom open haunts and p-popuwawity. +EWY. The stwawbewwy gwows ;;w;; undewnyeath the n-nyettwe, +And w-whowesome bewwies thwive *screams* and wipen best +Nyeighbouw'd by fwuit of basew q-quawity; +And so the Pwince obscuw'd his contempwation +Undew the veiw of wiwdnyess; *giggles shyly* which, nyo doubt, +Gwew ^w^ wike *twerks* the summew gwass, *hugs tightly* fastest b-by nyight, +Unseen, yet cwescive in his facuwty. +CANTEWBUWY. It must be so; fow miwacwes a-awe ceas'd; +*twerks* And thewefowe we must nyeeds admit the means +How things awe pewfected. +EWY. But, *looks at you* my good wowd, +How nyow fow mitigation of *moans* this b-biww +Uwg'd by the Commons? Doth his Majesty +Incwinye to x3 it, ow nyo? +CANTEWBUWY. He *cuddles you* seems i-indiffewent +*sweats* Ow wathew *leans over* swaying mowe upon o-ouw pawt +Than chewishing th' exhibitews *teleports behind you* against us; +F-Fow I have made an offew to his Majesty- +U-Upon ouw spiwituaw convocation +And in wegawd of causes nyow in hand, +Which I *cries* have open'd to his Gwace at wawge, +As touching Fwance- to give a *twerks* gweatew sum +Than e-evew at onye t-time the cwewgy yet +Did to his pwedecessows pawt withaw. +EWY. *twerks* How did this offew s-seem weceiv'd, my wowd? +CANTEWBUWY. With good acceptance of his M-Majesty; +Save that thewe w-was *sighs* nyot time e-enyough to heaw, +As I pewceiv'd h-his Gwace wouwd fain have donye, +The s-sevewaws and unhidden passages +O-Of his twue tides to some cewtain *notices bulge* dukedoms, +A-And genyewawwy to the c-cwown and seat of Fwance, +Dewiv'd fwom Edwawd, his gweat-gwandfathew. +EWY. What was th' impediment that bwoke *looks away* this off? +CANTEWBUWY. The Fwench ambassadow ^.^ upon that instant +Cwav'd a-audience; and t-the *screams* houw, *twerks* I think, is come +To give h-him heawing: is it fouw o'cwock? +EWY. *moans* It is. +CANTEWBUWY. Then *moans* go ;;w;; we in, to knyow his embassy; +Which *moans* I couwd with a weady guess d-decwawe, +B-Befowe the Fwenchman speak a wowd of it. +*notices bulge* EWY. *notices bulge* I'ww wait upon you, a-and I *screams* wong to heaw it. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Wondon. The Pwesence Chambew *teleports behind you* in t-the *notices bulge* KING'S pawace + +E-Entew the UwU KING, xDD GWOUCESTEW, BEDFOWD, EXETEW, WAWWICK, WESTMOWEWAND, +and attendants + +KING HENWY. UwU Whewe i-is my >_< gwacious Wowd of C-Cantewbuwy? +*twerks* EXETEW. Nyot :3 hewe in p-pwesence. +^.^ KING H-HENWY. Send fow him, good uncwe. +UwU WESTMOWEWAND. S-Shaww we *cries* caww in th' ambassadow, m-my wiege? +KING HENWY. Nyot yet, my *notices bulge* cousin; we wouwd be wesowv'd, +B-Befowe we heaw him, of some things *leans over* of weight +That task ouw thoughts, concewnying us and *looks away* Fwance. + +Entew ^w^ the AWCHBISHOP OF C-CANTEWBUWY and +the BISHOP OF EWY + +CANTEWBUWY. God and *looks away* his a-angews guawd youw sacwed thwonye, +And make you w-wong become it! +*screams* KING HENWY. Suwe, we thank *hugs tightly* you. +My *shuffles closer* weawnyed wowd, we pway you UwU to pwoceed, +And justwy and wewigiouswy unfowd +;;w;; Why the waw *moans* Sawique, UwU that they have in Fwance, +Ow shouwd ow *leans over* shouwd nyot baw us in ouw cwaim; +And God *sweats* fowbid, m-my xDD deaw and faithfuw w-wowd, +*twerks* That you shouwd fashion, wwest, ow bow youw weading, +Ow n-nyicewy chawge youw undewstanding souw +With *sighs* openying titwes miscweate whose wight +Suits nyot in uWu nyative cowouws with t-the twuth; +Fow God doth knyow how many, nyow in h-heawth, +Shaww xDD dwop t-theiw bwood in appwobation +Of what youw wevewence shaww incite us to. +Thewefowe take heed h-how you x3 impawn ouw pewson, +How y-you awake ouw sweeping xDD swowd of w-waw- +We chawge you, :3 in *looks away* the nyame of God, take heed; +Fow nyevew two such kingdoms did contend +W-Without much faww of b-bwood; whose guiwtwess dwops +Awe evewy onye a w-woe, a sowe compwaint, +'Gainst him whose wwongs gives edge unto the swowds +That makes *hugs tightly* such waste in bwief mowtawity. +Undew this conjuwation speak, my wowd; +Fow we wiww heaw, ^-^ nyote, ;;w;; and bewieve in h-heawt, +That what *teleports behind you* you speak is OwO in youw conscience wash'd +As p-puwe as sin with baptism. +CANTEWBUWY. Then heaw me, gwacious soveweign, >_> and you UwU peews, +*looks at you* That owe youwsewves, youw wives, *pokes you* and s-sewvices, +To this impewiaw *moans* thwonye. Thewe is nyo b-baw +To make against youw >_< Highnyess' cwaim t-to *looks away* Fwance +But *looks at you* this, *notices bulge* which they pwoduce fwom Phawamond: +*looks at you* 'In tewwam S-Sawicam muwiewes nye s-succedant'- +'Nyo woman s-shaww succeed *blushes* in Sawique wand'; +Which Sawique wand the Fwench unjustwy gwoze +To be the weawm of Fwance, and Phawamond +The uWu foundew of t-this waw and femawe x3 baw. +Yet *moans* theiw o-own authows faithfuwwy affiwm +That t-the wand Sawique is in Gewmany, +Between *teleports behind you* the f-fwoods of *moans* Sawa and of Ewbe; +Whewe Chawwes t-the Gweat, having subdu'd the Saxons, +T-Thewe w-weft behind and *looks at you* settwed cewtain F-Fwench; +Who, howding in disdain the G-Gewman women +F-Fow some dishonyest mannyews of theiw wife, +Estabwish'd then t-this waw: >_> to wit, nyo xDD femawe +Shouwd b-be inhewitwix in *looks at you* Sawique wand; +Which Sawique, >w< as I s-said, 'twixt Ewbe and Sawa, +Is at t-this day >w< in Gewmany c-caww'd Meisen. +Then doth it weww appeaw the OwO Sawique waw +Was nyot devised *sighs* fow the *screams* weawm of Fwance; +Nyow did the Fwench possess t-the Sawique *sweats* wand +Untiw fouw hundwed onye and twenty yeaws +Aftew defunction of King Phawamond, +Idwy suppos'd t-the f-foundew of this waw; +Who died w-within the y-yeaw of ouw *shuffles closer* wedemption +Fouw hundwed twenty-six; and UwU Chawwes the Gweat +Subdu'd the Saxons, *shuffles closer* and did seat the Fwench +Beyond the wivew Sawa, in the y-yeaw +xDD Eight hundwed five. Besides, theiw wwitews say, +King Pepin, *screams* which deposed Chiwdewic, +Did, as *cries* heiw genyewaw, being *notices bulge* descended +Of Bwithiwd, which was daughtew to *twerks* King Cwothaiw, +Make cwaim and titwe to t-the cwown of Fwance. +Hugh Capet awso, who usuwp'd *moans* the cwown +Of Chawwes the Duke of Wowwainye, sowe heiw mawe +Of the twue winye and stock of Chawwes the Gweat, +To :3 find his titwe with some shows of twuth- +Though in puwe twuth it was cowwupt and ^.^ nyaught- +Convey'd himsewf a-as th' heiw *cuddles you* to th' >_> Wady Wingawe, +Daughtew to Chawwemain, who was the *shuffles closer* son +To Wewis the *looks at you* Empewow, and Wewis the s-son +O-Of Chawwes the Gweat. Awso King W-Wewis the Tenth, +Who w-was sowe heiw to the *moans* usuwpew Capet, +C-Couwd nyot keep quiet in his conscience, +Weawing the :3 cwown of Fwance, *screams* tiww satisfied +That *screams* faiw Q-Queen Isabew, >_> his gwandmothew, +Was *leans over* winyeaw of the Wady Ewmengawe, +Daughtew to *pokes you* Chawwes the fowesaid D-Duke of W-Wowwainye; +By the which mawwiage the winye *cries* of Chawwes the *shuffles closer* Gweat +*leans over* Was we-unyited to the Cwown of Fwance. +So *looks away* that, as cweaw as *teleports behind you* is t-the >_> summew's s-sun, +King Pepin's titwe, and Hugh Capet's cwaim, +King uWu Wewis his satisfaction, *sighs* aww *cries* appeaw +To howd >_> in wight and tide of the f-femawe; +So do the kings of Fwance *cuddles you* unto this d-day, +Howbeit they wouwd *cries* howd up this Sawique waw +To baw *teleports behind you* youw Highnyess cwaiming fwom the femawe; +And w-wathew ^w^ choose to hide them *looks at you* in a-a nyet +Than ampwy to imbaw theiw cwooked tides +x3 Usuwp'd fwom you and youw pwogenyitows. +KING HENWY. M-May I-I with wight and conscience make t-this cwaim? +OwO CANTEWBUWY. The s-sin upon my head, dwead soveweign! +Fow i-in the *blushes* book of Nyumbews is it wwit, +When the man dies, wet the inhewitance +Descend unto the d-daughtew. Gwacious ^w^ wowd, +Stand fow youw own, unwind *moans* youw bwoody f-fwag, +Wook back into youw mighty ancestows. +Go, my dwead wowd, *notices bulge* to youw gweat-gwandsiwe's tomb, +Fwom whom you *hugs tightly* cwaim; invoke :3 his wawwike spiwit, +And youw gweat-uncwe's, ^w^ Edwawd the Bwack *looks at you* Pwince, +Who on the Fwench gwound pway'd a twagedy, +Making defeat on the f-fun powew of *moans* Fwance, +Whiwes his most mighty fathew on a h-hiww +Stood smiwing to behowd his wion's whewp +Fowage in *screams* bwood *giggles shyly* of Fwench nyobiwity. +O nyobwe Engwish, that c-couwd entewtain +With hawf theiw fowces the fuww pwide of Fwance, +And wet anyothew hawf stand waughing by, +Aww out of wowk and ^.^ cowd fow action! +EWY. Awake w-wemembwance of these v-vawiant dead, +And ;;w;; with youw puissant awm w-wenyew *moans* theiw feats. +You awe theiw heiw; y-you sit upon theiw thwonye; +*twerks* The bwood and couwage that wenyownyed them +Wuns in youw *sweats* veins; and m-my thwice-puissant wiege +Is in the vewy May-mown of his youth, +W-Wipe fow *looks at you* expwoits and mighty entewpwises. +EXETEW. Youw bwothew kings and monyawchs of the e-eawth +Do aww expect that y-you shouwd w-wouse youwsewf, +A-As did the fowmew wions of youw bwood. +WESTMOWEWAND. They knyow youw Gwace h-hath cause *pokes you* and means and m-might- +*leans over* So hath youw Highnyess; nyevew King of Engwand +Had n-nyobwes wichew and mowe woyaw subjects, +Whose heawts have weft theiw bodies hewe in Engwand +And wie paviwion'd i-in the f-fiewds of Fwance. +CANTEWBUWY. *moans* O, wet theiw b-bodies fowwow, my deaw wiege, +With bwood and swowd and fiwe to win youw wight! +In aid wheweof we of the spiwituawty +Wiww waise youw Highnyess such *leans over* a mighty s-sum +As nyevew *blushes* did the cwewgy at onye time +>_> Bwing in to any *looks at you* of youw ancestows. +KING HENWY. We must nyot onwy awm t-t' invade ^.^ the Fwench, +But way down ouw p-pwopowtions to defend +Against the Scot, who w-wiww *giggles shyly* make woad upon us +With aww advantages. +CANTEWBUWY. They of those mawches, gwacious soveweign, +Shaww be a-a >_< waww *screams* sufficient *hugs tightly* to defend +:3 Ouw inwand fwom the piwfewing b-bowdewews. +KING HENWY. We do nyot mean the couwsing *leans over* snyatchews onwy, +But f-feaw the main *blushes* intendment of t-the Scot, +Who h-hath been s-stiww a giddy nyeighbouw to us; +UwU Fow you shaww wead that my gweat-gwandfathew +*shuffles closer* Nyevew went with *hugs tightly* his *teleports behind you* fowces i-into Fwance +>_> But that the Scot on his unfuwnyish'd kingdom +Came pouwing, wike the tide into a bweach, +With ampwe and bwim fuwnyess of h-his f-fowce, +G-Gawwing the gweanyed wand with hot assays, +Giwdwing with gwievous siege c-castwes *notices bulge* and towns; +*blushes* That ;;w;; Engwand, being e-empty of defence, +*twerks* Hath s-shook and twembwed uWu at th' iww nyeighbouwhood. +CANTEWBUWY. She hath been *sweats* then *cries* mowe feaw'd than hawm'd, my wiege; +Fow heaw hew but exampwed by hewsewf: +:3 When aww hew chivawwy hath been in Fwance, +uWu And she a mouwnying widow of hew *sweats* nyobwes, +She *cries* hath hewsewf nyot o-onwy weww *notices bulge* defended +But t-taken and impounded as a stway +*notices bulge* The King of Scots; whom she did s-send to Fwance, +T-To fiww King Edwawd's fame with p-pwisonyew kings, +*hugs tightly* And make *pokes you* hew *cries* chwonyicwe as wich with pwaise +As is the ooze *leans over* and bottom of t-the sea +With sunken wweck and s-sumwess tweasuwies. +WESTMOWEWAND. But thewe's a saying, v-vewy owd and twue: + +'If *blushes* that *twerks* you wiww Fwance win, +Then with Scotwand fiwst begin.' + +UwU Fow *giggles shyly* once the eagwe Engwand being in *cuddles you* pwey, +To hew unguawded nyest the weasew Scot +uWu Comes snyeaking, ;;w;; and so sucks *giggles shyly* hew pwincewy eggs, +Pwaying the mouse in a-absence *sweats* of *twerks* the cat, +To teaw and havoc *sighs* mowe than she c-can eat. +EXETEW. It fowwows, *looks away* then, the cat must stay at home; +Yet t-that is but *teleports behind you* a c-cwush'd nyecessity, +Since ;;w;; we have wocks to s-safeguawd nyecessawies +And pwetty *leans over* twaps t-to catch UwU the *teleports behind you* petty ^-^ thieves. +W-Whiwe that the :3 awmed h-hand doth fight abwoad, +T-Th' advised head defends itsewf at home; +Fow govewnment, though high, and wow, and w-wowew, +Put into pawts, doth keep in onye c-consent, +Congweeing in a fuww and *blushes* nyatuwaw *sighs* cwose, +Wike music. +CANTEWBUWY. Thewefowe d-doth heaven divide +The state of man *sweats* in divews functions, +Setting endeavouw i-in continyuaw motion; +To which i-is f-fixed ^.^ as an aim ow *notices bulge* but +Obedience; f-fow so *moans* wowk *cuddles you* the honyey b-bees, +Cweatuwes that by *teleports behind you* a w-wuwe in uWu nyatuwe teach +The act of owdew t-to a peopwed kingdom. +They have a k-king, and officews *looks away* of s-sowts, +Whewe some wike magistwates c-cowwect a-at h-home; +O-Othews *sighs* wike mewchants v-ventuwe twade abwoad; +Othews wike sowdiews, awmed in theiw stings, +;;w;; Make boot uWu upon the summew's *blushes* vewvet b-buds, +*looks away* Which piwwage they with mewwy m-mawch b-bwing home +OwO To the tent-woyaw of theiw empewow; +Who, busied in his majesty, suwveys +The singing masons buiwding woofs *leans over* of g-gowd, +^.^ The c-civiw citizens knyeading up the honyey, +The poow m-mechanyic powtews *looks at you* cwowding *sweats* in +Theiw heavy b-buwdens at *cuddles you* his nyawwow gate, +The sad-ey'd justice, with h-his s-suwwy hum, +Dewivewing o'ew to executows pawe +>_> The wazy yawnying dwonye. I-I this i-infew, +That many things, having fuww wefewence +To onye consent, may ^-^ wowk contwawiouswy; +As many a-awwows woosed uWu sevewaw w-ways +Come >w< to *pokes you* onye mawk, as m-many *looks at you* ways *blushes* meet in onye town, +*blushes* As many *cries* fwesh stweams meet in onye sawt *sweats* sea, +*looks at you* As many winyes cwose i-in the diaw's centwe; +^-^ So many *screams* a thousand actions, once :33 afoot, +End i-in o-onye puwpose, and be aww weww home +Without defeat. Thewefowe to Fwance, my wiege. +Divide youw *hugs tightly* happy Engwand into OwO fouw; +*shuffles closer* Wheweof take you onye quawtew into Fwance, +And you withaw shaww make aww *giggles shyly* Gawwia shake. +If we, with thwice *leans over* such p-powews weft at home, +*pokes you* Cannyot defend o-ouw own *leans over* doows *sighs* fwom the dog, +Wet us be wowwied, and ouw nyation wose +The ^-^ nyame of *blushes* hawdinyess >_< and powicy. +KING HENWY. Caww in the messengews sent fwom the Dauphin. +Exeunt *pokes you* some attendants +Nyow awe w-we weww wesowv'd; and, by God's hewp +And ;;w;; youws, the nyobwe sinyews of ouw powew, +*blushes* Fwance x3 being ouws, we'ww bend it to ouw awe, +*looks at you* Ow >_< bweak it aww *pokes you* to pieces; *screams* ow *blushes* thewe w-we'ww sit, +Wuwing in wawge and ampwe empewy +O'ew Fwance *looks at you* and aww *screams* hew awmost kingwy d-dukedoms, +Ow way these bonyes in an unwowthy uwn, +Tombwess, with *moans* nyo w-wemembwance o-ovew them. +>_> Eithew ouw *looks away* histowy shaww ^w^ with *shuffles closer* fuww *looks away* mouth +Speak fweewy o-of ouw acts, ow ewse ouw gwave, +Wike Tuwkish *moans* mute, shaww have a tonguewess ^w^ mouth, +Nyot ;;w;; wowshipp'd with a waxen epitaph. + +>w< Entew AMBASSADOWS *looks at you* of ^-^ Fwance + +>_> Nyow awe xDD we weww pwepaw'd *cuddles you* to knyow the pweasuwe +Of *pokes you* ouw faiw cousin Dauphin; fow we heaw +Youw gweeting is fwom him, nyot f-fwom the King. +uWu AMBASSADOW. M-May't >_< pwease youw Majesty to give *sighs* us weave +Fweewy to w-wendew what we *giggles shyly* have in chawge; +*shuffles closer* Ow *looks away* shaww *twerks* we spawingwy show you faw of +^w^ The D-Dauphin's meanying and ouw embassy? +KING HENWY. W-We awe nyo tywant, :3 but a Chwistian king, +Unto whose gwace ouw p-passion *looks at you* is *hugs tightly* as subject +*cuddles you* As awe ouw >_< wwetches fett'wed in ouw pwisons; +Thewefowe with fwank and with uncuwbed x3 pwainnyess +*looks away* Teww us t-the Dauphin's *pokes you* mind. +AMBASSADOW. Thus then, ^-^ in few. +Youw Highnyess, watewy sending i-into Fwance, +;;w;; Did cwaim some cewtain *looks at you* dukedoms in the wight +O-Of y-youw gweat pwedecessow, :33 King Edwawd the Thiwd. +In answew of which c-cwaim, the Pwince o-ouw m-mastew +Says that you savouw too *sighs* much of youw youth, +And bids you be advis'd thewe's n-nyought in Fwance +T-That can be with a nyimbwe gawwiawd won; +You cannyot wevew i-into >_< dukedoms thewe. +He thewefowe s-sends you, meetew *hugs tightly* fow youw spiwit, +*teleports behind you* This t-tun of tweasuwe; *cries* and, in wieu of this, +Desiwes you wet the dukedoms that :33 you cwaim +Heaw nyo mowe of y-you. UwU This the Dauphin speaks. +KING HENWY. What tweasuwe, uncwe? +EXETEW. Tennyis-bawws, my wiege. +KING HENWY. W-We awe gwad t-the Dauphin is so pweasant with us; +*pokes you* His *pokes you* pwesent and youw pains w-we thank you fow. +When *screams* we h-have match'd ouw wackets to these bawws, +We wiww in Fwance, by God's gwace, pway a set +Shaww stwike his fathew's cwown into the hazawd. +Teww him he >w< hath made a match x3 with s-such a wwangwew +That aww the c-couwts of Fwance wiww be distuwb'd +With *leans over* chaces. And *teleports behind you* we u-undewstand him weww, +H-How he comes o'ew us with ouw *looks at you* wiwdew days, +Nyot *sweats* measuwing what u-use we made of them. +We nyevew vawu'd t-this poow seat *shuffles closer* of Engwand; +A-And *looks away* thewefowe, wiving hence, did give ouwsewf +T-To bawbawous wicence; as OwO 'tis evew common +That m-men awe OwO mewwiest w-when they awe fwom home. +But teww ^.^ the Dauphin I-I *notices bulge* wiww keep *cuddles you* my state, +Be *leans over* wike a k-king, and :33 show my saiw of >_> gweatnyess, +When I do wouse me in my thwonye of Fwance; +Fow t-that I have waid by my majesty +And pwodded wike ;;w;; a man fow *looks away* wowking-days; +But I wiww wise thewe with so fuww a gwowy +That I wiww dazzwe aww the e-eyes *shuffles closer* of Fwance, +*notices bulge* Yea, stwike the Dauphin bwind to w-wook on us. +A-And t-teww *cuddles you* the pweasant Pwince this *shuffles closer* mock of his +>_< Hath tuwn'd his bawws to g-gun-stonyes, and his souw +Shaww stand sowe chawged fow the wastefuw vengeance +That shaww fwy with them; fow many a thousand widows +Shaww this his mock mock of theiw deaw husbands; +M-Mock m-mothews ^-^ fwom theiw sons, mock castwes down; +And some *shuffles closer* awe yet ungotten and ;;w;; unbown +That ^.^ shaww have cause to cuwse the Dauphin's scown. +But this OwO wies aww within the wiww of God, +To w-whom *cuddles you* I do appeaw; and in w-whose nyame, +T-Teww you *moans* the Dauphin, I am coming on, +To *looks away* venge me as I may and to put fowth +M-My *looks away* wightfuw hand in a weww-hawwow'd cause. +S-So *teleports behind you* get y-you hence in *looks at you* peace; and teww the Dauphin +His jest >w< wiww savouw but of shawwow wit, +When thousands weep mowe than did waugh at it. +Convey them w-with *blushes* safe conduct. Fawe you weww. +Exeunt AMBASSADOWS +EXETEW. This was a mewwy message. +KING H-HENWY. We hope to make the sendew bwush *blushes* at it. +Thewefowe, my wowds, omit nyo happy houw +That may x3 give fuwth'wance t-to ouw xDD expedition; +Fow w-we *twerks* have nyow nyo ^w^ thought in *sighs* us *looks away* but Fwance, +*notices bulge* Save those to God, that *sighs* wun befowe ouw b-businyess. +T-Thewefowe wet ouw pwopowtions UwU fow *notices bulge* these waws +Be soon c-cowwected, and aww things :3 thought upon +That may *giggles shyly* with weasonyabwe swiftnyess ad +Mowe feathews to ouw wings; *screams* fow, *giggles shyly* God befowe, +We'ww chide this Dauphin at his f-fathew's d-doow. +Thewefowe wet evewy m-man nyow task his thought +That this faiw action may o-on foot be bwought. Exeunt + + + + +<_< BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW D-DOWNWOAD *notices bulge* TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. PWOWOGUE. + +Fwouwish. E-Entew CHOWUS + +CHOWUS. Nyow aww the youth of Engwand awe on fiwe, +And *sweats* siwken dawwiance i-in the wawdwobe wies; +Nyow thwive t-the awmouwews, and honyouw's thought +Weigns sowewy in the bweast of evewy man; +They x3 seww the pastuwe *cries* nyow t-to b-buy the howse, +>w< Fowwowing t-the miwwow of a-aww *pokes you* Chwistian kings +With winged heews, as Engwish Mewcuwies. +Fow nyow sits E-Expectation in the aiw, +And h-hides a swowd fwom hiwts unto the point +W-With cwowns impewiaw, cwowns, >w< and cowonyets, +Pwomis'd *teleports behind you* to Hawwy UwU and *notices bulge* his fowwowews. +The Fwench, *blushes* advis'd b-by good *leans over* intewwigence +Of this *leans over* most dweadfuw p-pwepawation, +S-Shake in theiw feaw and with pawe p-powicy +Seek to divewt the E-Engwish p-puwposes. +O Engwand! modew to thy inwawd gweatnyess, +Wike wittwe body with a mighty heawt, +W-What ;;w;; mightst thou do that honyouw wouwd thee do, +Wewe >_> aww thy chiwdwen kind and nyatuwaw! +*looks at you* But see thy fauwt! Fwance hath in *hugs tightly* thee found out +A nyest of h-howwow bosoms, which he f-fiwws +With tweachewous cwowns; and thwee cowwupted >_> men- +Onye, Wichawd Eaww of Cambwidge, and the s-second, +*cuddles you* Henwy Wowd *leans over* Scwoop o-of Masham, *giggles shyly* and t-the thiwd, +Siw Thomas Gwey, k-knyight, of >_< Nyowthumbewwand, +Have, fow the giwt of Fwance- O g-guiwt *sweats* indeed!- +Confiwm'd conspiwacy with feawfuw Fwance; +And by theiw hands this gwace of *teleports behind you* kings must ^.^ die- +If *cuddles you* heww and tweason howd theiw pwomises, +Ewe he take ship fow Fwance- and in Southampton. +^-^ Wingew youw p-patience on, and we'ww digest +Th' abuse of distance, fowce a-a pway. +The *looks away* sum is p-paid, the twaitows awe agweed, +The *notices bulge* King is set fwom W-Wondon, and t-the scenye +I-Is n-nyow *pokes you* twanspowted, gentwes, to Southampton; +*sighs* Thewe is ^-^ the pway-house nyow, thewe must you sit, +And thence *hugs tightly* to Fwance shaww we convey you safe +And bwing you back, OwO chawming t-the nyawwow seas +T-To give y-you g-gentwe p-pass; fow, if we may, +We'ww nyot offend onye *giggles shyly* stomach :33 with ouw p-pway. +But, t-tiww the King *sweats* come fowth, and nyot tiww *looks away* then, +Unto Southampton do we shift *cries* ouw scenye. Exit + + + + +SCENyE I. +Wondon. Befowe the Boaw's Head Tavewn, Eastcheap + +*notices bulge* Entew *leans over* COWPOWAW NYM and WIEUTENyANT BAWDOWPH + +*twerks* BAWDOWPH. Weww met, Cowpowaw Nym. +NYM. Good mowwow, Wieutenyant Bawdowph. +BAWDOWPH. W-What, awe Ancient Pistow a-and you fwiends yet? +NYM. Fow my >_< pawt, I-I cawe nyot; I say wittwe, but OwO when time shaww +sewve, thewe shaww be smiwes- but that s-shaww be as ^-^ it may. I dawe +nyot *pokes you* fight; but I w-wiww wink >w< and h-howd out minye iwon. It is a simpwe +onye; but w-what though? It wiww :33 toast c-cheese, and it *screams* wiww enduwe +cowd as anyothew man's swowd *blushes* wiww; and t-thewe's *moans* an end. +BAWDOWPH. I w-wiww bestow a *shuffles closer* bweakfast to make y-you fwiends; and w-we'ww +be a-aww thwee swown bwothews to Fwance. Wet't be so, good Cowpowaw +Nym. +NYM. F-Faith, I wiww wive *leans over* so w-wong a-as *shuffles closer* I uWu may, t-that's *hugs tightly* the cewtain >_> of it; +and when I cannyot wive a-any w-wongew, I wiww do *sweats* as I may. That is my +*hugs tightly* west, that is t-the *teleports behind you* wendezvous of it. +B-BAWDOWPH. It is cewtain, Cowpowaw, that he is mawwied to Nyeww +Quickwy; a-and cewtainwy she did you wwong, fow you *cuddles you* wewe +twoth-pwight to ^w^ hew. +NYM. I cannyot teww; things must be as they *sweats* may. M-Men may sweep, and +xDD they may have t-theiw thwoats about them at t-that time; and some s-say +>_< knyives h-have e-edges. It *hugs tightly* must be as it may; *moans* though patience be a +tiwed mawe, yet she wiww p-pwod. Thewe must be concwusions. ^w^ Weww, ^w^ I +cannyot teww. + +Entew PISTOW and HOSTESS + +B-BAWDOWPH. Hewe comes Ancient Pistow and his wife. Good Cowpowaw, be +p-patient hewe. +*giggles shyly* NYM. H-How nyow, *looks away* minye host Pistow! +>_< PISTOW. Base t-tike, caww'st thou me host? +Nyow by this h-hand, I-I sweaw I scown the tewm; +Nyow shaww m-my Nyeww keep wodgews. +HOSTESS. N-Nyo, by my twoth, nyot wong; fow we cannyot wodge and boawd xDD a +d-dozen ow fouwteen gentwewomen t-that wive honyestwy by the pwick of +t-theiw nyeedwes, but it wiww be thought we keep a bawdy-house +stwaight. [Nym dwaws] O *cuddles you* weww-a-day, Wady, if ^.^ he be nyot >_> dwawn! Nyow +*moans* we shaww see wiwfuw aduwtewy and m-muwdew committed. +BAWDOWPH. G-Good W-Wieutenyant, good Cowpowaw, offew *sweats* nyothing hewe. +NYM. Pish! +>w< PISTOW. Pish fow thee, Icewand dog! thou pwick-eaw'd c-cuw of +I-Icewand! +HOSTESS. Good Cowpowaw Nym, show t-thy vawouw, and put up y-youw swowd. +NYM. Wiww you shog off? I wouwd have you sowus. +PISTOW. 'Sowus,' egwegious dog? O vipew v-viwe! +*teleports behind you* The 'sowus' in thy most mewvaiwous face; +The 'sowus' in >w< thy teeth, and in thy t-thwoat, +And in thy uWu hatefuw wungs, yea, in thy maw, pewdy; +And, which is wowse, within thy nyasty m-mouth! +I *shuffles closer* do wetowt the 'sowus' in thy *pokes you* bowews; +*cuddles you* Fow I can take, and Pistow's ;;w;; cock is up, +And fwashing fiwe *shuffles closer* wiww fowwow. +NYM. I am nyot Bawbason: you cannyot conjuwe me. I have an humouw to +knyock you indiffewentwy weww. If >_< you gwow fouw with me, Pistow, I-I +w-wiww scouw *leans over* you with my wapiew, as I may, in faiw tewms; if you +wouwd wawk off I *blushes* wouwd pwick ^-^ youw guts a >_> wittwe, in good t-tewms, +as I may, and thaes the humouw of *cries* it. +>_> PISTOW. O bwaggawt viwe a-and damnyed fuwious wight! +The gwave x3 doth g-gape >w< and doting death is nyeaw; +^w^ Thewefowe *looks at you* exhawe. [-[PISTOW dwaws] +BAWDOWPH. Heaw me, heaw me what I say: he that stwikes the fiwst +stwoke *blushes* I'ww wun him up to the hiwts, as ;;w;; I am a sowdiew. +*giggles shyly* [Dwaws] +PISTOW. An oath of mickwe might; and fuwy shaww abate. +[PISTOW and Nym sheathe :3 theiw swowds] +Give me thy fist, thy fowe-foot to me give; +Thy spiwits awe m-most taww. +NYM. uWu I wiww cut thy thwoat onye time ow othew, in faiw t-tewms; that +is the humouw of i-it. +PISTOW. 'Coupwe a *blushes* gowge!' +That is the wowd. I t-thee defy again. +O hound o-of Cwete, think'st thou my spouse to *moans* get? +Nyo; t-to the spitaw go, +A-And *screams* fwom the powd'wing tub of i-infamy +*cries* Fetch fowth the wazaw kite of Cwessid's kind, +Doww Teawsheet she by nyame, and uWu hew espouse. +*leans over* I have, *looks at you* and I wiww howd, the q-quondam *twerks* Quickwy +Fow the onwy she; and- pauca, thewe's >w< enyough. +Go t-to. + +E-Entew x3 the Boy + +BOY. xDD Minye host Pistow, you must come to my mastew; and youw +*cries* hostess- he OwO is vewy *twerks* sick, and *leans over* wouwd to bed. G-Good :3 Bawdowph, put +thy face between his sheets, *pokes you* and *looks away* do *hugs tightly* the office *leans over* of *shuffles closer* a >w< wawming-pan. +>w< Faith, h-he's v-vewy iww. +BAWDOWPH. Away, you wogue. +H-HOSTESS. By my *cuddles you* twoth, h-he'ww *moans* yiewd the cwow a p-pudding onye of these +days: the King has kiww'd h-his *teleports behind you* heawt. Good husband, come home +pwesentwy. Exeunt HOSTESS a-and BOY +BAWDOWPH. C-Come, shaww I make y-you two fwiends? We must to Fwance +togethew; w-why xDD the deviw :33 shouwd we keep *sighs* knyives *notices bulge* to cut onye +anyothew's thwoats? +PISTOW. *notices bulge* Wet fwoods o'ewsweww, and fiends fow f-food howw on! +NYM. You'ww p-pay me the eight *pokes you* shiwwings I *pokes you* won of you at betting? +PISTOW. Base is the swave that *moans* pays. +NYM. T-That nyow I w-wiww have; that's the :3 humouw of *looks away* it. +PISTOW. As ^w^ manhood shaww compound: push home. +[PISTOW and *moans* Nym dwaw] +BAWDOWPH. By ;;w;; this swowd, he that makes t-the f-fiwst t-thwust I'ww kiww +him; by *hugs tightly* this swowd, I w-wiww. +*looks at you* PISTOW. >_< Swowd ^-^ is an oath, a-and oaths must have theiw *twerks* couwse. +[-[Sheathes his swowd] +BAWDOWPH. Cowpowaw Nym, *hugs tightly* an thou wiwt be fwiends, be fwiends; an +thou *shuffles closer* wiwt nyot, *shuffles closer* why then be e-enyemies with m-me too. Pwithee put up. +NYM. I shaww h-have my eight shiwwings I won of you at b-betting? +PISTOW. A nyobwe shawt thou have, and pwesent pay; +And wiquow wikewise wiww I give to thee, +And fwiendship shaww combinye, and ^w^ bwothewhood. +I'ww wive *blushes* by *looks away* Nym and Nym shaww wive by uWu me. +Is nyot this just? Fow I shaww sutwew be +U-Unto the camp, a-and pwofits wiww accwue. +Give *notices bulge* me thy hand. +NYM. [Sheathing h-his swowd] I ;;w;; shaww have my nyobwe? +PISTOW. *moans* In cash most justwy paid. +N-NYM. [Shaking hands] W-Weww, then, that's the humouw of't. + +We-entew HOSTESS + +HOSTESS. As evew you come o-of *cries* women, come in quickwy to Siw John. +Ah, poow heawt! he is so shak'd o-of a :3 buwnying quotidian tewtian +that it is most wamentabwe to b-behowd. Sweet men, come to *twerks* him. +NYM. The K-King hath wun bad humouws *moans* on the knyight; that's the even +of it. +PISTOW. Nym, thou hast spoke the *twerks* wight; +His heawt *moans* is fwacted a-and cowwobowate. +NYM. The King is a good king, *blushes* but it m-must be as it may; he passes +some humouws and caweews. +PISTOW. Wet us condowe the knyight; fow, wambkins, we wiww w-wive. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Southampton. A xDD counciw-chambew + +Entew *leans over* EXETEW, BEDFOWD, and WESTMOWEWAND + +BEDFOWD. Fowe God, his Gwace is b-bowd, t-to twust these twaitows. +^.^ EXETEW. *sighs* They shaww be *hugs tightly* appwehended by *sighs* and by. +WESTMOWEWAND. How smooth and even they do beaw themsewves, +As *cries* if ^-^ awwegiance uWu in theiw bosoms sat, +Cwownyed with faith xDD and constant woyawty! +*twerks* BEDFOWD. The King hath >_> nyote of aww t-that they intend, +By intewception which t-they dweam n-nyot of. +EXETEW. Nyay, b-but the m-man that was his bedfewwow, +*teleports behind you* Whom *looks at you* he uWu hath duww'd >_> and cwoy'd with gwacious favouws- +That he shouwd, fow a foweign puwse, so seww +His soveweign's wife :3 to death *teleports behind you* and tweachewy! + +Twumpets sound. Entew the KING, S-SCWOOP, +CAMBWIDGE, GWEY, and attendants + +KING HENWY. Nyow sits the wind faiw, and w-we wiww aboawd. +My Wowd of Cambwidge, and my kind Wowd *looks away* of Masham, +And you, my gentwe knyight, ^-^ give me youw thoughts. +Think *looks away* you nyot t-that the pow'ws w-we beaw with *screams* us +Wiww cut theiw passage thwough the fowce of Fwance, +Doing the execution and the a-act +F-Fow which we have in head assembwed them? +*cuddles you* SCWOOP. *leans over* Nyo *leans over* doubt, my wiege, if *hugs tightly* each man d-do h-his best. +KING HENWY. I d-doubt nyot that, since we awe :3 weww pewsuaded +We cawwy nyot a-a *moans* heawt with us fwom hence +T-That gwows n-nyot in a f-faiw consent with ouws; +Nyow weave nyot onye behind that doth nyot wish +Success and c-conquest to attend *pokes you* on us. +C-CAMBWIDGE. Nyevew was monyawch bettew feaw'd a-and wov'd +Than is youw Majesty. Thewe's nyot, I-I think, a subject +That *twerks* sits in heawt-gwief and unyeasinyes +*hugs tightly* Undew the sweet shade of youw g-govewnment. +GWEY. Twue: those that wewe y-youw fathew's enyemies +Have steep'd theiw gawws i-in honyey, *pokes you* and do sewve *looks at you* you +With heawts cweate of duty and of zeaw. +KING HENWY. We thewefowe have gweat cause of thankfuwnyess, +x3 And shaww OwO fowget the o-office o-of ouw hand +Soonyew t-than quittance of desewt and mewit +Accowding to the weight *leans over* and wowthinyess. +S-SCWOOP. So sewvice s-shaww with s-steewed UwU sinyews toiw, +And wabouw shaww w-wefwesh itsewf with hope, +To do youw Gwace incessant sewvices. +KING *sweats* HENWY. W-We judge nyo wess. U-Uncwe *pokes you* of Exetew, +Enwawge xDD the man c-committed yestewday +That waiw'd against ouw pewson. :33 We considew +It was excess of winye t-that set him o-on; +And o-on his mowe advice xDD we pawdon him. +SCWOOP. T-That's mewcy, but too much secuwity. +Wet h-him be p-punyish'd, soveweign, w-west exampwe +Bweed, by h-his suffewance, >_> mowe xDD of such a k-kind. +KING HENWY. O, wet us ;;w;; yet be *hugs tightly* mewcifuw! +CAMBWIDGE. So may *shuffles closer* youw H-Highnyess, and yet punyish too. +GWEY. Siw, +You show gweat mewcy if y-you give him wife, +Aftew the t-taste *cries* of much cowwection. +KING HENWY. A-Awas, youw too much wove x3 and cawe of me +Awe heavy o-owisons 'gainst this poow wwetch! +If wittwe fauwts pwoceeding on distempew +Shaww nyot be wink'd *sighs* at, >w< how shaww we stwetch ouw eye +*looks away* When capitaw cwimes, chew'd, swawwow'd, and digested, +Appeaw befowe us? W-We'ww yet enwawge that man, +Though C-Cambwidge, Scwoop, a-and Gwey, in theiw deaw cawe +And t-tendew pwesewvation o-of ouw pewson, +Wouwd have him ^w^ punyish'd. And nyow to o-ouw F-Fwench causes: +Who awe the wate commissionyews? +*looks away* CAMBWIDGE. I onye, my wowd. +Youw Highnyess *leans over* bade me ask fow it to-day. +SCWOOP. So did you me, my wiege. +GWEY. And I, my woyaw soveweign. +KING HENWY. Then, Wichawd Eaww *teleports behind you* of Cambwidge, thewe is youws; +*notices bulge* Thewe youws, Wowd Scwoop of Masham; and, Siw *hugs tightly* Knyight, +Gwey of *sweats* Nyowthumbewwand, this same is youws. +Wead them, and *blushes* knyow I knyow x3 youw wowthinyess. +*cries* My Wowd of Westmowewand, and uncwe E-Exetew, +We wiww ^w^ aboawd to-nyight. Why, how nyow, gentwemen? +What see you in those papews, that y-you wose +So much OwO compwexion? Wook ye how they change! +Theiw cheeks awe papew. Why, what wead you thewe +That have so cowawded and chas'd youw bwood +O-Out OwO of uWu appeawance? +C-CAMBWIDGE. *twerks* I do confess *notices bulge* my fauwt, +And do submit me to youw *twerks* Highnyess' mewcy. +GWEY, SCWOOP. To *hugs tightly* which we xDD aww a-appeaw. +K-KING HENWY. The mewcy that *cuddles you* was quick i-in us *blushes* but wate +By UwU youw *looks away* own counsew is suppwess'd uWu and kiww'd. +You must nyot dawe, fow shame, ^w^ to tawk of mewcy; +>_< Fow youw o-own ^.^ weasons *cuddles you* tuwn into youw bosoms +A-As dogs u-upon theiw mastews, wowwying y-you. +See you, my pwinces and my nyobwe peews, +These >_< Engwish m-monstews! uWu My Wowd *twerks* of Cambwidge hewe- +You knyow how apt *shuffles closer* ouw wove was to accowd +To fuwnyish him with *leans over* an appewtinyents +Bewonging to his h-honyouw; and this man +Hath, f-fow a few *shuffles closer* wight cwowns, wightwy conspiw'd, +And *leans over* swown u-unto the pwactices o-of F-Fwance +To k-kiww us hewe in Hampton; UwU to the which +This knyight, nyo wess fow bounty bound to us +Than Cambwidge is, hath *cuddles you* wikewise swown. But, O, +What shaww I say to thee, Wowd Scwoop, thou cwuew, +I-Ingwatefuw, *looks at you* savage, and xDD inhuman cweatuwe? +>_> Thou that didst beaw t-the key of *teleports behind you* aww my counsews, +That knyew'st the vewy bottom of my souw, +That awmost >_< mightst have *twerks* coin'd me i-into gowd, +Wouwdst t-thou have pwactis'd *sighs* on me f-fow thy use- +M-May it be p-possibwe that foweign hiwe +*sweats* Couwd out of thee extwact onye spawk of eviw +*hugs tightly* That might a-annyoy my fingew? '-'Tis s-so s-stwange +That, *sweats* though the twuth of it >_< stands x3 off a-as gwoss +A-As bwack and white, my eye *cuddles you* wiww scawcewy s-see it. +Tweason and muwdew evew kept togethew, +As two yoke-deviws swown *blushes* to eithew's puwpose, +Wowking so gwosswy in *looks at you* a nyatuwaw cause +That admiwation did nyot >w< whoop *twerks* at *looks at you* them; +But thou, 'gainst aww pwopowtion, d-didst bwing in +Wondew to wait on tweason and >_< on muwdew; +A-And *leans over* whatsoevew cunnying fiend i-it w-was +T-That wwought upon thee so pwepostewouswy +Hath got the voice in heww fow >w< excewwence; +And othew deviws t-that s-suggest by tweasons +*pokes you* Do botch *sweats* and bungwe up damnyation +W-With *sighs* patches, cowouws, and with fowms, b-being fetch'd +Fwom gwist'wing sembwances *screams* of piety; +*cries* But he that tempew'd thee bade >w< thee stand up, +Gave *hugs tightly* thee nyo instance why thou shouwdst d-do tweason, +Unwess to dub thee *blushes* with the *cries* nyame of :33 twaitow. +If *twerks* that s-same demon that hath guww'd thee t-thus +Shouwd with his wion gait w-wawk the whowe wowwd, +He might wetuwn to *screams* vasty Tawtaw back, +And t-teww the wegions '-'I can nyevew win +A souw so easy as that Engwishman's.' +O, how hast thou with jeawousy infected +T-The *notices bulge* sweetnyess of *giggles shyly* affiance! S-Show :3 men dutifuw? +Why, so didst thou. Seem t-they gwave :3 and weawnyed? +^.^ Why, so *hugs tightly* didst thou. C-Come they of >_< nyobwe famiwy? +Why, so didst thou. Seem they wewigious? +Why, s-so didst thou. Ow awe t-they spawe i-in diet, +F-Fwee fwom gwoss passion ow of miwth ow angew, +Constant in spiwit, nyot swewving with t-the bwood, +G-Gawnyish'd a-and d-deck'd in *sighs* modest compwement, +Nyot wowking with the eye without the *hugs tightly* eaw, +And b-but in p-puwged judgment :3 twusting nyeithew? +Such and so finyewy b-bowted didst t-thou seem; +And thus thy faww hath weft a kind of bwot +T-To mawk the fuww-fwaught man and best indued +^.^ With s-some suspicion. I wiww weep fow thee; +Fow OwO this wevowt of thinye, methinks, is OwO wike +Anyothew faww of man. ;;w;; Theiw fauwts awe UwU open. +Awwest them to the answew of the waw; +And God acquit them of theiw pwactices! +EXETEW. I awwest ^-^ thee *cries* of high *blushes* tweason, by the nyame of Wichawd Eaww +o-of Cambwidge. +I-I awwest thee of *looks away* high tweason, by the nyame o-of Henwy Wowd Scwoop +of Masham. +I a-awwest UwU thee of high t-tweason, by *looks away* the nyame of Thomas Gwey, +knyight, uWu of N-Nyowthumbewwand. +SCWOOP. O-Ouw puwposes God justwy hath *blushes* discovew'd, +A-And I *screams* wepent my fauwt x3 mowe than my d-death; +W-Which I beseech youw Highnyess to fowgive, +Awthough my b-body pay the pwice of i-it. +CAMBWIDGE. *teleports behind you* Fow me, the gowd of Fwance *sighs* did nyot seduce, +Awthough I did admit it as a motive +The soonyew to effect uWu what *looks away* I intended; +xDD But x3 God be thanked fow pwevention, +Which I in suffewance heawtiwy :3 wiww wejoice, +Beseeching God and you to pawdon me. +GWEY. Nyevew did faithfuw subject mowe wejoice +At the discovewy of most d-dangewous tweason +Than I do at t-this houw joy o'ew mysewf, +Pwevented f-fwom a damnyed entewpwise. +My fauwt, but nyot my body, pawdon, soveweign. +K-KING :3 HENWY. God quit you in his mewcy! H-Heaw youw sentence. +*pokes you* You h-have conspiw'd against ouw woyaw pewson, +Join'd with an *shuffles closer* enyemy *shuffles closer* pwocwaim'd, a-and fwom his coffews +Weceiv'd the gowden e-eawnyest of *looks away* ouw death; +*twerks* Whewein y-you wouwd have sowd *looks away* youw king to *screams* swaughtew, +His pwinces and his peews to sewvitude, +His subjects to oppwession a-and ^-^ contempt, +A-And his whowe kingdom into desowation. +;;w;; Touching ouw pewson seek we nyo >_< wevenge; +But we ouw kingdom's safety must so tendew, +Whose wuin y-you have sought, that *cries* to *looks away* hew waws +We do dewivew you. *cuddles you* Get you thewefowe hence, +Poow misewabwe wwetches, to *screams* youw death; +The taste wheweof *moans* God of his *sweats* mewcy give +You OwO patience to ^-^ enduwe, and twue :33 wepentance +Of aww >w< youw d-deaw offences. Beaw them hence. +E-Exeunt CAMBWIDGE, SCWOOP, and GWEY, guawded +^-^ Nyow, wowds, fow F-Fwance; *looks at you* the entewpwise wheweof +OwO Shaww be t-to you as us wike gwowious. +x3 We xDD doubt nyot of a faiw and wucky waw, +Since God so gwaciouswy hath bwought to wight +T-This uWu dangewous tweason, w-wuwking in ouw way +To hindew ouw beginnyings; we doubt nyot nyow +But evewy wub is smoothed on :33 ouw way. +Then, fowth, deaw countwymen; wet us d-dewivew +Ouw puissance into t-the ^-^ hand of >_< God, +*twerks* Putting it stwaight in ^w^ expedition. +Cheewwy to sea; t-the signs of waw *leans over* advance; +Nyo x3 king of E-Engwand, if nyot king of Fwance! +F-Fwouwish. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Eastcheap. Befowe the Boaw's Head t-tavewn + +Entew *cuddles you* PISTOW, HOSTESS, NYM, B-BAWDOWPH, and Boy + +H-HOSTESS. Pwithee, honyey-sweet husband, wet me bwing thee to +Stainyes. +PISTOW. Nyo; fow my manwy heawt doth eawn. +Bawdowph, be bwithe; Nym, wouse thy vaunting veins; +Boy, b-bwistwe thy couwage up. Fow F-Fawstaff he is d-dead, +And *cries* we must eawn thewefowe. +BAWDOWPH. Wouwd I x3 wewe w-with him, whewesome'ew he is, eithew in +heaven ow uWu in >_> heww! +HOSTESS. *twerks* Nyay, suwe, he's nyot in *cuddles you* heww: he's in *pokes you* Awthuw's bosom, if +*pokes you* evew man w-went to Awthuw's bosom. 'A made a *moans* finyew uWu end, and *looks at you* went +away a-an it had been any chwistom chiwd; 'a :33 pawted ev'n just +b-between twewve and onye, ev'n >_< at the tuwnying o' ^.^ th' t-tide; fow +aftew I s-saw *pokes you* him fumbwe with t-the *sighs* sheets, and *looks away* pway with fwowews, +and smiwe upon his *pokes you* fingews' xDD end, xDD I knyew thewe w-was but onye way; +f-fow his nyose w-was as shawp a-as a pen, and 'a babbw'd o-of gween +fiewds. 'How nyow, Siw John!' quoth I 'What, man, be o' good +cheew.' So 'a cwied o-out 'God, God, God!' t-thwee o-ow *giggles shyly* fouw times. Nyow +I, *leans over* to c-comfowt him, bid him 'a shouwd nyot think of God; I hop'd +t-thewe was nyo nyeed to twoubwe himsewf with any such thoughts yet. +*cuddles you* So 'a bade me way uWu mowe cwothes on :33 his feet; *hugs tightly* I put my hand into +*teleports behind you* the :3 bed and *notices bulge* fewt t-them, and they wewe as cowd as any stonye; *moans* then I +UwU fewt to his knyees, and *looks away* so ;;w;; upwawd and upwawd, and aww was as cowd +as any stonye. +*twerks* NYM. They say h-he cwied out *sweats* of sack. +HOSTESS. Ay, *leans over* that *pokes you* 'a did. +BAWDOWPH. And of women. +HOSTESS. Nyay, :3 that '-'a did *screams* nyot. +*screams* BOY. Yes, t-that 'a d-did, and said they wewe deviws incawnyate. +HOSTESS. >w< 'A couwd :3 nyevew abide cawnyation; uWu 'twas *teleports behind you* a cowouw he *leans over* nyevew +*notices bulge* wiked. +BOY. 'A said once the deviw w-wouwd have him about women. +x3 HOSTESS. '-'A *pokes you* did in some sowt, indeed, handwe women; but xDD then he w-was +wheumatic, and *cries* tawk'd of the Whowe of Babywon. +BOY. D-Do you n-nyot w-wemembew 'a saw a x3 fwea stick u-upon Bawdowph's nyose, +a-and 'a said it w-was a >_< bwack *sweats* souw buwnying in heww? +BAWDOWPH. W-Weww, the *sweats* fuew is gonye that maintain'd t-that fiwe: that's +aww t-the wiches *hugs tightly* I got in his sewvice. +NYM. Shaww *giggles shyly* we shog? The *twerks* King ^w^ wiww be gonye fwom *cuddles you* Southampton. +PISTOW. *twerks* Come, wet's away. My w-wove, give me thy wips. +Wook to my >w< chattwes and my moveabwes; +Wet senses wuwe. The wowd is 'Pitch and Pay.' +Twust nyonye; +Fow oaths awe stwaws, *notices bulge* men's faiths awe wafew-cakes, +*twerks* And Howdfast is t-the *sweats* onwy dog, my duck. +Thewefowe, C-Caveto be thy *notices bulge* counsewwow. +Go, >_< cweaw thy *hugs tightly* cwystaws. Y-Yoke-fewwows i-in awms, +Wet us to Fwance, wike howse-weeches, my boys, +T-To suck, to suck, the vewy bwood to s-suck. +BOY. A-And that's but unwhowesome food, t-they say. +PISTOW. Touch hew s-soft mouth and mawch. +B-BAWDOWPH. F-Faweweww, hostess. [Kissing *blushes* hew] +NYM. I cannyot kiss, *moans* that is the h-humouw of *cries* it; but adieu. +PISTOW. Wet housewifewy ^w^ appeaw; keep cwose, I *sighs* thee command. +HOSTESS. Faweweww; adieu. ^w^ Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *moans* IV. +Fwance. The KING'S pawace + +F-Fwouwish. *leans over* Entew the FWENCH KING, the ^w^ DAUPHIN, t-the DUKES OF BEWWI +and B-BWITAINyE, the CONSTABWE, and othews + +FWENCH KING. T-Thus comes the Engwish with fuww *moans* powew upon us; +And mowe than c-cawefuwwy *leans over* it us concewns +To answew woyawwy in :33 ouw defences. +Thewefowe t-the Dukes of Bewwi *twerks* and of Bwitainye, +Of :3 Bwabant and of Owweans, shaww make fowth, +And y-you, Pwince D-Dauphin, with *twerks* aww swift OwO dispatch, +To winye and nyew *sighs* wepaiw ouw t-towns o-of w-waw +*blushes* With men of couwage and with means defendant; +Fow Engwand his *sweats* appwoaches makes as f-fiewce +As watews to *shuffles closer* the :33 sucking of a-a guwf. +It fits us, then, to be as p-pwovident +>_< As feaw may teach us, *teleports behind you* out of wate e-exampwes +Weft >_< by the fataw and *cuddles you* nyegwected Engwish +U-Upon ouw f-fiewds. +^w^ DAUPHIN. M-My UwU most w-wedoubted fathew, +I-It is m-most meet we a-awm u-us 'gainst the foe; +>_> Fow *blushes* peace itsewf shouwd nyot so *notices bulge* duww a kingdom, +Though waw nyow nyo knyown quawwew wewe in question, +But that defences, OwO mustews, p-pwepawations, +Shouwd be maintain'd, *looks at you* assembwed, and cowwected, +A-As wewe a *twerks* waw in expectation. +Thewefowe, I >_< say, 'tis meet we aww go fowth +To view the ^w^ sick and feebwe pawts o-of Fwance; +And wet us do i-it with nyo show *twerks* of f-feaw- +:3 Nyo, with nyo mowe t-than if we heawd that Engwand +*cuddles you* Wewe busied w-with a W-Whitsun mowwis-dance; +Fow, m-my good wiege, s-she ^w^ is so i-idwy king'd, +Hew sceptwe so fantasticawwy bownye +By a *teleports behind you* vain, giddy, shawwow, humowous youth, +T-That feaw attends ^w^ hew nyot. +UwU CONSTABWE. UwU O peace, *giggles shyly* Pwince Dauphin! +You a-awe too much mistaken in this king. +Question youw *moans* Gwace the wate ambassadows +With what gweat state he *hugs tightly* heawd t-theiw :3 embassy, +*screams* How weww suppwied with uWu nyobwe counsewwows, +*sweats* How modest in exception, and withaw +How tewwibwe in constant wesowution, +And you shaww find his vanyities :33 fowespent +W-Wewe but the outside of the Woman Bwutus, +Covewing discwetion with *cries* a coat of fowwy; +As gawdenyews do with *shuffles closer* owduwe hide those woots +That shaww fiwst *giggles shyly* spwing *sweats* and be most d-dewicate. +DAUPHIN. Weww, 'tis nyot so, my Wowd High Constabwe; +*shuffles closer* But x3 though w-we think it so, it is nyo mattew. +In cases of defence 'tis b-best to weigh +The e-enyemy mowe mighty than he seems; +So t-the p-pwopowtions of d-defence awe fiww'd; +Which of ^.^ a weak OwO and n-nyiggawdwy pwojection +Doth wike *twerks* a >w< misew s-spoiw :3 his coat with scanting +A-A wittwe cwoth. +FWENCH KING. Think we ;;w;; King Hawwy stwong; +>_< And, Pwinces, wook you s-stwongwy awm ^-^ to meet h-him. +The kindwed of him hath xDD been fwesh'd upon us; +And :33 he is *sweats* bwed out of that bwoody stwain +That haunted us in ouw famiwiaw paths. +*leans over* Witnyess :3 ouw too m-much *leans over* memowabwe shame +When Cwessy battwe fatawwy was stwuck, +And a-aww ouw pwinces capdv'd by the hand +Of that bwack nyame, Edwawd, B-Bwack Pwince of W-Wawes; +W-Whiwes that his *teleports behind you* mountain siwe- on mountain standing, +*leans over* Up in the aiw, cwown'd w-with the gowden sun- +Saw his hewoicaw seed, and smiw'd to see h-him, +Mangwe the wowk of ;;w;; nyatuwe, a-and deface +The pattewns that ^.^ by God a-and by Fwench f-fathews +H-Had twenty yeaws been made. T-This i-is a-a stewn +Of that victowious stock; and >_< wet us feaw +The nyative mightinyess and fate *notices bulge* of him. + +^.^ Entew >w< a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. Ambassadows fwom :33 Hawwy King of E-Engwand +Do *twerks* cwave admittance to youw Majesty. +FWENCH KING. We'ww give them p-pwesent audience. Go and bwing them. +Exeunt MESSENGEW and c-cewtain WOWDS +You see this chase is hotwy fowwowed, *leans over* fwiends. +DAUPHIN. Tuwn head and stop puwsuit; fow cowawd *giggles shyly* dogs +Most spend t-theiw mouths w-when what they seem to thweaten +Wuns f-faw befowe them. G-Good my soveweign, +Take u-up t-the Engwish showt, and wet *cuddles you* them knyow +Of what a monyawchy you awe the head. +Sewf-wove, my wiege, is nyot so ^w^ viwe a x3 sin +As sewf-nyegwecting. + +We-entew WOWDS, with EXETEW ^w^ and twain + +FWENCH K-KING. Fwom ouw bwothew of Engwand? +>_> EXETEW. Fwom him, and thus he gweets youw Majesty: +He wiwws you, in the n-nyame of ^-^ God A-Awmighty, +That y-you divest youwsewf, and w-way *shuffles closer* apawt +The bowwowed gwowies that by gift of heaven, +By w-waw o-of nyatuwe and of nyations, *cuddles you* 'wongs +T-To him and to his heiws- nyamewy, the :33 cwown, +And aww wide-stwetched honyouws ^.^ that pewtain, +^.^ By custom and the owdinyance of times, +Unto the cwown of Fwance. T-That *pokes you* you *cuddles you* may knyow +'Tis nyo *hugs tightly* sinyistew nyow *cries* nyo awkwawd cwaim, +Pick'd fwom the wowm-howes o-of wong-vanyish'd days, +Nyow fwom the dust o-of owd obwivion wak'd, +He sends you t-this most *sweats* memowabwe *cuddles you* winye, [-[Gives a papew] +In evewy bwanch twuwy demonstwative; +Wiwwing y-you ovewwook *cries* this pedigwee. +And when y-you find him evenwy dewiv'd +Fwom his most fam'd of *teleports behind you* famous ancestows, +*hugs tightly* Edwawd the Thiwd, he bids you then wesign +Youw cwown and kingdom, indiwectwy hewd +Fwom h-him, the nyative *sweats* and twue chawwengew. +FWENCH KING. Ow ewse w-what fowwows? +E-EXETEW. Bwoody constwaint; f-fow if you hide the cwown +Even in youw heawts, thewe wiww he wake f-fow it. +*twerks* Thewefowe in fiewce tempest i-is he coming, +In t-thundew and in eawthquake, *looks at you* wike a Jove, +That if wequiwing faiw, he wiww compew; +*shuffles closer* And b-bids you, *cries* in the *leans over* bowews of the W-Wowd, +D-Dewivew *looks at you* up the cwown; and *twerks* to take *giggles shyly* mewcy +O-On the *leans over* poow souws fow whom this hungwy waw +Opens *notices bulge* his vasty jaws; and on youw head +Tuwnying *twerks* the widows' *sweats* teaws, the owphans' c-cwies, +The dead men's bwood, the pwivy maidens' gwoans, +Fow h-husbands, fathews, and betwothed wovews, +That shaww be swawwowed in this contwovewsy. +This i-is his cwaim, his thweat'nying, and my message; +Unwess the Dauphin be in p-pwesence hewe, +To whom expwesswy I bwing gweeting too. +FWENCH KING. F-Fow us, *sweats* we wiww *moans* considew o-of this fuwthew; +To-mowwow s-shaww you beaw ouw fuww >_> intent +Back *hugs tightly* to ouw bwothew of E-Engwand. +DAUPHIN. Fow the D-Dauphin: +I stand hewe fow him. W-What to him fwom Engwand? +EXETEW. S-Scown and defiance, swight x3 wegawd, contempt, +And anything that may n-nyot m-misbecome +The mighty s-sendew, *sighs* doth h-he p-pwize *twerks* you *twerks* at. +*cuddles you* Thus *looks at you* says my king: an i-if youw fathew's Highnyess +Do nyot, in gwant of aww demands at xDD wawge, +Sweeten the ^-^ bittew mock y-you sent his Majesty, +He'ww caww you to so *giggles shyly* hot an answew of xDD it +>w< That caves and womby vauwtages of *hugs tightly* Fwance +S-Shaww c-chide youw twespass and wetuwn youw mock +In s-second a-accent of h-his owdinyance. +DAUPHIN. *leans over* Say, if my fathew xDD wendew faiw wetuwn, +*sweats* It is against *looks away* my wiww; fow I desiwe +Nyothing >_< but odds with xDD Engwand. :33 To *cuddles you* that end, +As matching to his youth and vanyity, +I did *shuffles closer* pwesent him with the Pawis bawws. +*looks at you* EXETEW. H-He'ww OwO make youw Pawis Wouvwe shake fow it, +Wewe it the mistwess couwt >_< of mighty Euwope; +And be a-assuw'd you'ww find a diffewence, +As we his subjects have >_< in wondew found, +B-Between the pwomise of *moans* his gweenyew days +And these he mastews nyow. Nyow he weighs t-time +:3 Even to the utmost gwain; that you shaww wead +In *cries* youw own wosses, if he stay *moans* in F-Fwance. +*shuffles closer* FWENCH KING. To-mowwow shaww you k-knyow *screams* ouw m-mind at fuww. +EXETEW. Dispatch us with aww speed, west that *looks at you* ouw king +Come hewe himsewf UwU to question ouw deway; +Fow he is footed *cuddles you* in ;;w;; this wand awweady. +FWENCH KING. Y-You shaww be soon dispatch'd with f-faiw *sighs* conditions. +A n-nyight *notices bulge* is but smaww bweath and wittwe pause +T-To a-answew mattews of this ^w^ consequence. Fwouwish. Exeunt + + + + +<w< OW *shuffles closer* OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW >w< USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT *cries* DISTWIBUTED OW USED +C-COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED *sweats* COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE OwO THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME :33 OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. PWOWOGUE. + +Fwouwish. E-Entew CHOWUS + +:3 CHOWUS. Thus *cuddles you* with imagin'd wing o-ouw swift scenye fwies, +In motion of nyo *cries* wess cewewity +T-Than that of thought. Suppose that you have seen +The weww-appointed King at Hampton p-piew +Embawk his woyawty; and his bwave fweet +With *twerks* siwken stweamews the young Phowbus *cries* fannying. +Pway with y-youw fancies; ^w^ and *hugs tightly* in them behowd +U-Upon the hempen tackwe ship-boys cwimbing; +Heaw the shwiww whistwe which doth *shuffles closer* owdew give +To *shuffles closer* sounds c-confus'd; behowd the thweaden saiws, +Bownye *shuffles closer* with th' invisibwe and cweeping wind, +Dwaw *blushes* the huge bottoms thwough t-the fuwwowed sea, +Bweasting the wofty s-suwge. O, do b-but think +*sighs* You stand u-upon the wivage *sighs* and behowd +A city >_> on th' *blushes* inconstant b-biwwows dancing; +Fow so appeaws this fweet majesticaw, +Howding due couwse to Hawfweuw. Fowwow, fowwow! +Gwappwe y-youw minds to stewnyage of this n-nyavy +*giggles shyly* And weave y-youw Engwand as *teleports behind you* dead midnyight stiww, +Guawded with gwandsiwes, *looks away* babies, *moans* and *teleports behind you* owd women, +Eithew past ow nyot awwiv'd to pith and ^.^ puissance; +Fow w-who :33 is UwU he whose chin >_< is but enwich'd +W-With x3 onye appeawing haiw *shuffles closer* that w-wiww :33 nyot fowwow +T-These cuww'd ^w^ and choice-dwawn cavawiews to F-Fwance? +Wowk, wowk youw thoughts, and thewein see *hugs tightly* a siege; +Behowd the owdnyance on theiw cawwiages, +With f-fataw mouths gaping *hugs tightly* on giwded Hawfweuw. +Suppose th' ambassadow f-fwom the Fwench comes back; +*twerks* Tewws Hawwy that the King doth offew h-him +K-Kathewinye his d-daughtew, a-and with hew to dowwy +Some petty a-and u-unpwofitabwe dukedoms. +The offew wikes nyot; a-and the nyimbwe gunnyew +With winstock n-nyow the d-deviwish cannyon touches, +[Awawum, and chambews *cries* go off] +And :3 down goes an befowe t-them. *pokes you* Stiww be k-kind, +And eke out ouw p-pewfowmance w-with youw mind. Exit + + + + +<> + + + +SCENyE I. +Fwance. Befowe Hawfweuw + +Awawum. Entew the KING, EXETEW, *shuffles closer* BEDFOWD, G-GWOUCESTEW, +and sowdiews with scawing-waddews + +KING. Once mowe unto the *notices bulge* bweach, deaw *looks away* fwiends, once mowe; +Ow cwose t-the w-waww u-up with ouw Engwish dead. +In peace t-thewe's nyothing so becomes a man +A-As modest stiwwnyess and humiwity; +But when the bwast of waw bwows in *leans over* ouw eaws, +Then imitate the action of the tigew: +Stiffen the ^.^ sinyews, *cuddles you* summon up the bwood, +Disguise faiw nyatuwe with hawd-favouw'd wage; +OwO Then wend the eye a tewwibwe *blushes* aspect; +Wet it pwy thwough the *sweats* powtage of the h-head +Wike t-the bwass cannyon: wet the bwow xDD o'ewwhewm it +As feawfuwwy as *blushes* doth a gawwed wock +O'ewhang and jutty his confounded base, +Swiww'd with the wiwd and w-wastefuw ocean. +Nyow *twerks* set the teeth and stwetch the nyostwiw wide; +Howd hawd ^-^ the bweath, and bend *shuffles closer* up evewy *blushes* spiwit +*pokes you* To his f-fuww height. On, ^w^ on, you nyobwest Engwish, +Whose b-bwood i-is fet fwom fathews of w-waw-pwoof- +Fathews that ^w^ wike so many Awexandews +Have in these *leans over* pawts fwom mown tiww e-even *looks at you* fought, +And sheath'd theiw swowds fow wack of awgument. +Dishonyouw n-nyot youw mothews; nyow attest +That those whom you caww'd fathews did beget you. +Be :33 copy nyow to men of gwossew b-bwood, +And t-teach them how to w-waw. And you, good yeomen, +Whose wimbs *sweats* wewe made in Engwand, show us *pokes you* hewe +T-The mettwe xDD of youw pastuwe; wet us sweaw +That you a-awe w-wowth x3 youw bweeding- w-which I doubt nyot; +Fow t-thewe ^-^ is nyonye of you s-so mean and base +^-^ That xDD hath nyot nyobwe wustwe in youw eyes. +I see you stand wike gweyhounds in the swips, +Stwainying upon the stawt. T-The *sighs* game's afoot: +Fowwow youw spiwit; and upon t-this chawge +Cwy 'God fow Hawwy, Engwand, and Saint Geowge!' +[Exeunt. Awawum, a-and chambews go off] + + + + +SCENyE II. +Befowe Hawfweuw + +E-Entew NYM, BAWDOWPH, *cries* PISTOW, and BOY + +BAWDOWPH. On, on, on, on, on! to *teleports behind you* the bweach, to the bweach! +N-NYM. Pway thee, Cowpowaw, stay; the knyocks awe xDD too hot, and fow +minye own pawt *cuddles you* I h-have nyot a-a *screams* case of wives. The h-humouw of i-it is too +hot; uWu that is the vewy pwain-song of it. +PISTOW. The pwain-song is ;;w;; most j-just; fow humouws *screams* do uWu abound: + +Knyocks go and come; *sighs* God's vassaws dwop and die; +And swowd and s-shiewd +In bwoody fiewd +Doth w-win immowtaw fame. + +BOY. W-Wouwd I ;;w;; wewe in a-an awehouse in Wondon! *giggles shyly* I wouid give aww my +^w^ fame fow a p-pot o-of awe and safety. +PISTOW. A-And I: + +:33 If wishes wouwd pwevaiw with me, +My *shuffles closer* puwpose shouwd nyot faiw with me, +uWu But thithew wouwd I hie. + +B-BOY. A-As duwy, but nyot :3 as twuwy, +As *blushes* biwd doth sing on bough. + +Entew FWUEWWEN + +FWUEWWEN. Up t-to t-the bweach, you >_> dogs! +Avaunt, you cuwwions! *screams* [Dwiving them fowwawd] +PISTOW. Be mewcifuw, g-gweat duke, to men of mouwd. +Abate *sweats* thy wage, abate thy manwy wage; +Abate thy wage, *cuddles you* gweat *pokes you* duke. +*notices bulge* Good bawcock, bate thy wage. Use wenyity, sweet chuck. +NYM. These be good :3 humouws. Youw honyouw wins bad h-humouws. +Exeunt aww b-but BOY +BOY. As young as I am, I have obsewv'd t-these thwee swashews. >_> I *notices bulge* am +boy to them aww thwee; b-but a-aww they thwee, >_< though t-they wouwd +sewve me, couwd nyot be man to me; fow i-indeed t-thwee s-such antics do +nyot amount to a man. >_> Fow Bawdowph, h-he is white-wivew'd and +wed-fac'd; by the means wheweof 'a faces it out, but fights nyot. +F-Fow *notices bulge* Pistow, he hath a kiwwing tongue and a quiet swowd; by the +means w-wheweof 'a bweaks wowds and keeps whowe weapons. Fow Nym, +he hath heawd ^-^ that men *screams* of few w-wowds awe t-the *notices bulge* best men, and +OwO thewefowe he s-scowns to s-say his p-pwayews west 'a shouwd be thought +a cowawd; but *looks at you* his few bad *giggles shyly* wowds >_< awe m-match'd with as few good +*sighs* deeds; fow 'a UwU nyevew *pokes you* bwoke any man's head but his own, and that +was *blushes* against a post when he was ^w^ dwunk. They wiww s-steaw anything, +a-and caww it puwchase. Bawdowph >_< stowe a ^w^ wute-case, bowe i-it twewve +weagues, and *sweats* sowd it fow thwee hawfpence. Nym and Bawdowph awe +swown bwothews *screams* in f-fiwching, and in Cawais they *cuddles you* stowe a +fiwe-shovew; I-I knyew by that piece of *twerks* sewvice the men wouwd cawwy +coaws. They *notices bulge* wouwd have m-me as famiwiaw with men's p-pockets as theiw +*leans over* gwoves ow theiw handkewchews; which *hugs tightly* makes much against my +*notices bulge* manhood, if I shouwd take fwom *teleports behind you* anyothew's pocket ;;w;; to put into *shuffles closer* minye; +fow it is p-pwain pocketing up of wwongs. I must w-weave them a-and +seek some b-bettew sewvice; theiw viwwainy goes against m-my weak +stomach, and thewefowe I must cast i-it up. *moans* Exit + +We-entew FWUEWWEN, GOWEW fowwowing + +GOWEW. Captain Fwuewwen, you *sweats* must come *leans over* pwesentwy to the minyes; the +*twerks* Duke of Gwoucestew wouwd speak with you. +FWUEWWEN. To the >_< minyes! Teww you *giggles shyly* the *blushes* Duke *cries* it is nyot so good to come +to the >_> minyes; fow, wook you, t-the m-minyes is n-nyot a-accowding to the +discipwinyes of t-the waw; the *shuffles closer* concavities of it i-is nyot sufficient. +Fow, wook you, th' athvewsawy- you m-may discuss unto the Duke, +wook you- i-is digt himsewf fouw yawd undew *cries* the countewminyes; *notices bulge* by +*sweats* Cheshu, I think 'a *cries* wiww >_< pwow u-up aww, i-if *hugs tightly* thewe is nyot bettew +diwections. +GOWEW. The Duke of Gwoucestew, *twerks* to whom t-the owdew o-of the siege is +given, *looks at you* is awtogethew d-diwected by an Iwishman- a vewy *sighs* vawwant +gentweman, i' faith. +FWUEWWEN. >_> It is Captain Macmowwis, is i-it n-nyot? +GOWEW. I think it be. +*screams* FWUEWWEN. By Cheshu, he is an *shuffles closer* ass, :33 as in the *hugs tightly* wowwd: I w-wiww vewify +as much in his *looks away* beawd; he has nyo mowe diwections in the twue +discipwinyes ^.^ of the waws, wook you, o-of the Woman discipwinyes, than +is a puppy-dog. + +Entew MACMOWWIS and CAPTAIN JAMY + +GOWEW. H-Hewe 'a comes; and ^-^ the Scots captain, Captain Jamy, with +him. +FWUEWWEN. *blushes* Captain Jamy is a mawvewwous fawowous gentweman, that is +cewtain, and *screams* of gweat expedition and knyowwedge *blushes* in *giggles shyly* th' aunchient +waws, upon my ;;w;; pawticuwaw knyowwedge of his diwections. uWu By UwU Cheshu, +*screams* he wiww maintain his awgument as weww as any miwitawy man i-in the +wowwd, i-in the discipwinyes of t-the pwistinye waws of the *pokes you* Womans. +*leans over* JAMY. I say g-gud d-day, *looks away* Captain Fwuewwen. +FWUEWWEN. G-God-den to youw wowship, good Captain James. +GOWEW. H-How nyow, Captain Macmowwis! Have you *giggles shyly* quit the minyes? Have +the p-pionyeews given o'ew? +MACMOWWIS. By Chwish, wa, x3 tish iww donye! The *leans over* wowk ish give ovew, +the twompet sound ^w^ the wetweat. By UwU my hand, I OwO sweaw, and my +fathew's *hugs tightly* souw, the wowk ish ^.^ iww donye; it ish *teleports behind you* give ovew; I-I wouwd +have bwowed u-up t-the town, s-so Chwish save *cuddles you* me, wa, :33 in a-an houw. O, +tish *cries* iww donye, tish iww donye; by my *hugs tightly* hand, tish iww donye! +FWUEWWEN. Captain Macmowwis, I b-beseech you nyow, wiww uWu you voutsafe +m-me, wook *shuffles closer* you, a few disputations with you, as pawtwy touching ow +concewnying the discipwinyes of *screams* the waw, the *hugs tightly* Woman waws, in the way +of awgument, wook y-you, and fwiendwy communyication; pawtwy to +satisfy my *notices bulge* opinyion, and pawtwy fow the ^w^ satisfaction, wook you, *notices bulge* of +my mind, as touching the diwection of the *looks away* miwitawy discipwinye, +that is the point. +JAMY. ^w^ It saww be vawy >w< gud, gud feith, gud captains bath; and I saww +quit you w-with gud weve, a-as I may pick occasion; that saww >w< I, +mawwy. +MACMOWWIS. It is *looks at you* nyo time ^.^ to discouwse, so Chwish save me. The day +is hot, *sweats* and t-the weathew, and the waws, and the King, and the +^w^ Dukes; it *pokes you* is nyo time to discouwse. :33 The town is beseech'd, and t-the +twumpet caww us *shuffles closer* to the bweach; >w< and >w< we tawk and, be Chwish, do +nyothing. '-'Tis shame fow us aww, so God s-sa' me, 'tis s-shame to +stand s-stiww; it is shame, by my hand; and thewe is thwoats ;;w;; to be +cut, a-and wowks to be d-donye; and :33 thewe *pokes you* ish nyothing donye, so Chwish +sa' m-me, ^w^ wa. +JAMY. By >_< the mess, ewe *cries* theise eyes of minye take themsewves to +swombew, ay'ww de gud *shuffles closer* sewvice, ow I'ww wig i-i' th' gwund fow it; +ay, ow g-go to death. And I'ww pay't as vawowouswy as UwU I m-may, that +saww I s-suewwy d-do, that is the bweff and the wong. >_< Mawwy, *pokes you* I wad +:33 fuww *hugs tightly* fain heawd some question 'tween you tway. +FWUEWWEN. *cries* Captain Macmowwis, I think, wook you, undew youw +cowwection, *looks away* thewe i-is n-nyot many uWu of youw n-nyation- +MACMOWWIS. Of my n-nyation? What ish my nyation? Ish a viwwain, and a +*cries* bastawd, and *screams* a knyave, and a-a wascaw. What ish my nyation? Who t-tawks +of my nyation? +FWUEWWEN. Wook OwO you, if y-you *looks away* take *looks at you* the mattew othewwise than is meant, +Captain Macmowwis, pewadventuwe >w< I shaww think *hugs tightly* you do nyot use me +with that affabiwity as i-in discwetion you ought to use me, wook +you; b-being as good a man a-as youwsewf, both in the discipwinyes of +waw and in the dewivation of my biwth, >w< and in othew +pawticuwawities. +MACMOWWIS. I do nyot >w< knyow you so good a man as mysewf; s-so +Chwish save me, I wiww cut off *sweats* youw head. +>w< GOWEW. Gentwemen both, you wiww mistake each othew. +JAMY. Ah! *teleports behind you* that's a fouw fauwt. [A xDD pawwey sounded] +GOWEW. UwU The town >_< sounds a pawwey. +FWUEWWEN. *twerks* Captain Macmowwis, w-when thewe i-is mowe bettew oppowtunyity +to b-be *sighs* wequiwed, wook you, I wiww be so bowd as to *blushes* teww you I knyow +the discipwinyes of waw; :33 and thewe is an end. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Befowe the gates of Hawfweuw + +E-Entew the GOVEWNyOW and s-some citizens o-on the wawws. Entew the KING +a-and aww his twain befowe the gates + +KING HENWY. How yet wesowves the Govewnyow of the town? +This is t-the watest pawwe w-we wiww a-admit; +Thewefowe ^-^ to ouw best mewcy g-give *looks at you* youwsewves +Ow, *cries* wike to men pwoud of destwuction, +*twerks* Defy u-us to o-ouw wowst; *screams* fow, as I am a sowdiew, +A nyame that in *blushes* my thoughts becomes me best, +If I begin the batt'wy *twerks* once again, +*teleports behind you* I *blushes* wiww nyot weave the hawf-achieved Hawfweuw +Tiww in hew a-ashes *sweats* she wie buwied. +The gates of *blushes* mewcy shaww be aww shut up, +And uWu the *notices bulge* fwesh'd sowdiew, wough and hawd of h-heawt, +I-In wibewty of bwoody *hugs tightly* hand shaww wange +With conscience *sweats* wide as heww, UwU mowing wike gwass +Youw f-fwesh faiw viwgins and youw fwow'wing infants. +What is i-it then to m-me if impious waw, +:3 Awway'd in fwames, wike to the pwince ^w^ of fiends, +Do, xDD with his smiwch'd compwexion, aww feww f-feats +Enwink'd to *blushes* waste :3 and desowation? +What is't to me ^.^ when you youwsewves awe c-cause, +x3 If youw puwe *looks away* maidens faww into t-the >w< hand +Of *notices bulge* hot and fowcing viowation? +What wein can howd wicentious w-wickednyes +W-When down *giggles shyly* the *looks away* hiww he OwO howds his fiewce caweew? +We m-may as b-bootwess spend x3 ouw vain *looks at you* command +Upon th' ;;w;; enwaged sowdiews in t-theiw spoiw, +*twerks* As send pwecepts to t-the Weviathan +To come ashowe. Thewefowe, y-you m-men of Hawfweuw, +Take pity of youw town and of youw p-peopwe +W-Whiwes *sweats* yet my sowdiews awe in my *cries* command; +Whiwes yet the coow and tempewate wind of ^w^ gwace +*teleports behind you* O'ewbwows the f-fiwthy a-and contagious cwouds +Of heady muwdew, spoiw, and viwwainy. +If nyot- why, uWu in a moment wook t-to see +T-The bwind and bwoody with fouw uWu hand +Defiwe t-the wocks of *cries* youw *sweats* shwiww-shwieking daughtews; +Youw fathews taken b-by the siwvew beawds, +*teleports behind you* And *notices bulge* theiw most wevewend *hugs tightly* heads dash'd to OwO the wawws; +Youw nyaked infants spitted u-upon pikes, +Whiwes the mad mothews with theiw OwO howws confus'd +Do bweak the cwouds, as d-did the wives of J-Jewwy +^-^ At Hewod's bwoody-hunting >w< swaughtewmen. +What s-say you? Wiww y-you yiewd, and *cuddles you* this avoid? +Ow, guiwty i-in d-defence, b-be thus d-destwoy'd? +GOVEWNyOW. Ouw expectation hath this day an e-end: +The Dauphin, whom of succouws we entweated, +Wetuwns us that his p-powews awe yet nyot weady +To *hugs tightly* waise so gweat OwO a siege. Thewefowe, gweat King, +We y-yiewd o-ouw town and *cuddles you* wives to thy soft mewcy. +Entew ouw gates; dispose of us a-and ouws; +*pokes you* Fow we nyo wongew a-awe *screams* defensibwe. +*cries* KING HENWY. Open youw gates. [-[Exit GOVEWNyOW] Come, >_< uncwe Exetew, +;;w;; Go you and entew Hawfweuw; thewe wemain, +*teleports behind you* And fowtify it stwongwy 'gainst the F-Fwench; +Use m-mewcy to them aww. Fow us, xDD deaw uncwe, +The wintew coming on, and sicknyess *notices bulge* gwowing +Upon ouw s-sowdiews, we w-wiww wetiwe to Cawais. +To-nyight *cries* in Hawfweuw w-wiww we *cuddles you* be youw guest; +To-mowwow f-fow the mawch awe w-we addwest. +[Fwouwish. The *hugs tightly* KING and his twain *looks at you* entew the town] + + + + +SCENyE IV. +W-Wouen. The F-FWENCH KING'S pawace + +xDD Entew K-KATHEWINyE *twerks* and AWICE + +K-KATHEWINyE. A-Awice, tu as ete *cuddles you* en Angwetewwe, *looks away* et *leans over* tu pawwes bien we +wangage. +AWICE. Un peu, madame. +KATHEWINyE. Je te pwie, m-m'enseignyez; i-iw faut que j'appwennye a +pawwew. Comment appewez-vous *shuffles closer* wa main en Angwais? +AWICE. Wa main? Ewwe est a-appewee de hand. +;;w;; KATHEWINyE. D-De hand. Et wes doigts? +AWICE. Wes d-doigts? *sweats* Ma foi, j'oubwie wes doigts; mais j-je me +souviendwai. Wes doigts? :3 Je pense >_> qu'iws s-sont appewes >_> de fingwes; +oui, de *pokes you* fingwes. +KATHEWINyE. *shuffles closer* Wa main, de hand; xDD wes doigts, de fingwes. Je pense *cuddles you* que +je suis we bon ecowiew; j-j'ai gagnye deux mots d'Angwais vitement. +Comment appewez-vous wes ongwes? +AWICE. Wes ongwes? ^w^ Nyous ^-^ wes appewons de n-nyaiws. +KATHEWINyE. De nyaiws. Ecoutez; dites-moi si je p-pawwe bien: *shuffles closer* de hand, +de fingwes, et de n-nyaiws. +A-AWICE. C'est bien >w< dit, >_> madame; iw est fowt *shuffles closer* bon A-Angwais. +K-KATHEWINyE. Dites-moi w'Angwais pouw we bwas. +AWICE. De awm, m-madame. +KATHEWINyE. xDD Et we c-coude? +A-AWICE. D'ewbow. +K-KATHEWINyE. *looks at you* D'ewbow. Je m'en fais wa wepetition de tous wes mots >w< que +v-vous m'avez a-appwis des a pwesent. +A-AWICE. I-Iw est twop difficiwe, madame, comme je UwU pense. +KATHEWINyE. ^w^ Excusez-moi, Awice; ecoutez: d'hand, de fingwe, d-de +nyaiws, d'awma, de biwbow. +AWICE. D'ewbow, madame. +KATHEWINyE. O Seignyeuw *teleports behind you* Dieu, je m'en oubwie! D'ewbow. +Comment appewez-vous we cow? +AWICE. De nyick, madame. +K-KATHEWINyE. De nyick. Et we *sighs* menton? +AWICE. De chin. +KATHEWINyE. De sin. W-We c-cow, uWu de n-nyick; :33 we >_> menton, de sin. +AWICE. Oui. Sauf votwe honnyeuw, en vewite, vous pwonyoncez OwO wes mots +aussi dwoit que w-wes nyatifs d'Angwetewwe. +KATHEWINyE. Je nye doute p-point d'appwendwe, paw wa gwace *blushes* de D-Dieu, et +en peu de temps. +AWICE. N'avez-vous pas deja oubwie ce que je ^-^ vous ai enseignye? +KATHEWINyE. ;;w;; Nyon, je *cries* wecitewai a vous pwomptement: d'hand, de fingwe, +de maiws- +AWICE. D-De nyaiws, madame. +*teleports behind you* KATHEWINyE. De nyaiws, *looks at you* de awm, d-de i-iwbow. +A-AWICE. Sauf votwe honnyeuw, d'ewbow. +KATHEWINyE. Ainsi dis-je; d'ewbow, de nyick, *cuddles you* et de sin. Comment +appewez-vous we pied et w-wa wobe? +AWICE. We f-foot, madame; et ^w^ we count. +KATHEWINyE. We foot et w-we count. O Seignyeuw D-Dieu! iws *sweats* sont mots de +>w< son mauvais, cowwuptibwe, g-gwos, et impudique, *shuffles closer* et n-nyon pouw wes +dames d'honnyeuw d'usew: j-je nye voudwais pwonyoncew ces *giggles shyly* mots devant +wes seignyeuws de Fwance *sweats* pouw tout we monde. Foh! we foot et we +count! Nyeanmoins, je wecitewai unye a-autwe f-fois ma w-wecon ensembwe: +OwO d'hand, de *giggles shyly* fingwe, de nyaiws, d'awm, d'ewbow, de nyick, ^.^ de sin, *hugs tightly* de +foot, we count. +AWICE. Excewwent, m-madame! +KATHEWINyE. *twerks* C'est assez pouw unye fois: awwons-nyous a dinyew. +*moans* Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +The FWENCH KING'S p-pawace + +Entew the KING O-OF F-FWANCE, the >_< DAUPHIN, DUKE OF BWITAINyE, +the CONSTABWE OF FWANCE, and othews + +F-FWENCH KING. '-'Tis cewtain he *notices bulge* hath pass'd the *notices bulge* wivew Somme. +CONSTABWE. A-And if he be nyot fought withaw, my >w< wowd, +Wet us n-nyot wive in Fwance; wet us quit an, +And give ouw vinyeyawds to a-a bawbawous peopwe. +DAUPHIN. O Dieu vivant! Shaww a few spways OwO of us, +*sweats* The emptying of ouw fathews' w-wuxuwy, +Ouw scions, put in wiwd a-and savage stock, +S-Spiwt up so suddenwy into ^-^ the cwouds, +A-And ovewwook theiw gwaftews? +BWITAINyE. Nyowmans, but bastawd N-Nyowmans, Nyowman b-bastawds! +Mowt Dieu, ma UwU vie! if they mawch awong +U-Unfought w-withaw, but *screams* I ;;w;; wiww seww my dukedom +To buy a swobb'wy :33 and a *twerks* diwty fawm +In that nyook-shotten iswe *pokes you* of Awbion. +*teleports behind you* CONSTABWE. >w< Dieu *shuffles closer* de *sighs* bataiwwes! whewe have they this mettwe? +Is nyot theiw c-cwimate foggy, w-waw, *teleports behind you* and d-duww; +On *leans over* whom, as in *hugs tightly* despite, the sun w-wooks pawe, +K-Kiwwing theiw f-fwuit with f-fwowns? Can OwO sodden watew, +A-A dwench fow *giggles shyly* suw-wein'd jades, theiw bawwey-bwoth, +Decoct theiw *looks away* cowd bwood *giggles shyly* to such vawiant h-heat? +And shaww ouw quick bwood, *twerks* spiwited with *shuffles closer* winye, +^.^ Seem fwosty? O, fow ^.^ honyouw *giggles shyly* of ouw wand, +Wet us nyot hang wike woping i-icicwes +Upon o-ouw houses' >w< thatch, whiwes a mowe *hugs tightly* fwosty peopwe +*hugs tightly* Sweat *screams* dwops of OwO gawwant youth in ouw wich fiewds- +Poow we *sweats* caww t-them in theiw n-nyative *shuffles closer* wowds! +DAUPHIN. By faith *shuffles closer* and honyouw, +Ouw madams m-mock *giggles shyly* at us *giggles shyly* and *screams* pwainwy ^-^ say +Ouw mettwe is bwed *shuffles closer* out, and >_> they w-wiww give +Theiw *sweats* bodies to the wust of Engwish youth +To nyew-stowe Fwance *blushes* with bastawd wawwiows. +BWITAINyE. They b-bid us :3 to the Engwish dancing-schoows +And *twerks* teach wavowtas h-high and swift cowantos, +S-Saying ouw gwace is onwy in ouw heews +And that we awe most wofty uWu wunyaways. +FWENCH KING. Whewe i-is Montjoy the hewawd? S-Speed :33 him hence; +Wet him gweet Engwand with ouw shawp defiance. +Up, Pwinces, and, with spiwit of honyouw edged +Mowe shawpew than youw swowds, hie to the fiewd: +Chawwes Dewabweth, *screams* High Constabwe of Fwance; +You Dukes of Owweans, B-Bouwbon, and of B-Bewwi, +Awengon, Bwabant, Baw, and B-Buwgundy; +Jaques Chatiwwon, Wambuwes, Vaudemont, +Beaumont, *looks away* Gwandpwe, Woussi, and Fauconbwidge, +Foix, Westwake, Bouciquawt, and Chawowois; +High dukes, gweat pwinces, bawons, wowds, and *pokes you* knyights, +Fow youw *leans over* gweat seats nyow quit you of gweat shames. +*screams* Baw Hawwy :33 Engwand, that sweeps thwough ouw wand +^.^ With pennyons painted in the bwood of H-Hawfweuw. +Wush on h-his host as doth the m-mewted snyow +Upon the vawweys, whose wow vassaw seat +The Awps doth spit xDD and v-void h-his *sweats* wheum upon; +Go *shuffles closer* down upon h-him, you have >w< powew enyough, +^-^ And in a c-captive chawiot i-into W-Wouen +Bwing him ouw pwisonyew. +CONSTABWE. T-This becomes the gweat. +S-Sowwy am :3 I his nyumbews awe so few, +His sowdiews s-sick and famish'd in *sweats* theiw mawch; +Fow I am suwe, when he shaww see ouw ^w^ awmy, +He'ww dwop his h-heawt into the s-sink of f-feaw, +And fow achievement offew u-us his wansom. +FWENCH KING. Thewefowe, W-Wowd Constabwe, haste o-on Montjoy, +And wet him say to Engwand that we send +To knyow what wiwwing wansom he wiww give. +Pwince Dauphin, you *pokes you* shaww stay with us i-in *twerks* Wouen. +DAUPHIN. Nyot so, I-I do beseech y-youw M-Majesty. +FWENCH KING. Be *moans* patient, f-fow you shaww wemain *moans* with us. +Nyow fowth, Wowd C-Constabwe and Pwinces aww, +And quickwy bwing us wowd ^-^ of Engwand's faww. Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE VI. +T-The Engwish camp in *moans* Picawdy + +Entew CAPTAINS, ^.^ Engwish and Wewsh, GOWEW and FWUEWWEN + +GOWEW. How nyow, Captain Fwuewwen! Come you fwom t-the b-bwidge? +FWUEWWEN. I-I assuwe you thewe is vewy excewwent sewvices committed +at the bwidge. +GOWEW. Is *teleports behind you* the Duke of Exetew safe? +F-FWUEWWEN. The D-Duke of Exetew is as magnyanyimous as Agamemnyon; and a +man that I wove and honyouw with my *sighs* souw, and my x3 heawt, and my +duty, and my wive, and my w-wiving, and my uttewmost >_> powew. *moans* He *sighs* is +nyot- God be pwaised and :33 bwessed!- any huwt in t-the wowwd, but +*sighs* keeps the bwidge most vawiantwy, with excewwent discipwinye. T-Thewe +is an aunchient Wieutenyant thewe at the bwidge- I think in my +vewy conscience he is as vawiant a man as *notices bulge* Mawk >_> Antony; ^-^ and h-he is +man of nyo estimation in the wowwd; but I did s-see him do as +gawwant sewvice. +G-GOWEW. What do you caww him? +FWUEWWEN. He is caww'd Aunchient Pistow. +G-GOWEW. I knyow him nyot. + +Entew PISTOW + +FWUEWWEN. Hewe is the m-man. +uWu PISTOW. C-Captain, I thee beseech to do *leans over* me favouws. +The Duke of Exetew doth wove thee weww. +*cuddles you* FWUEWWEN. Ay, I pwaise God; and I have mewited some wove at h-his +hands. +PISTOW. Bawdowph, a sowdiew, *twerks* fiwm and s-sound o-of heawt, +And o-of buxom v-vawouw, hath by *hugs tightly* cwuew fate +*teleports behind you* And giddy Fowtunye's fuwious fickwe wheew, +That *hugs tightly* goddess bwind, +T-That stands *cries* upon the *cries* wowwing westwess stonye- +FWUEWWEN. By youw patience, Aunchient Pistow. >w< Fowtunye i-is painted +bwind, with a *looks away* muffwew afowe hew eyes, to signyify *sighs* to y-you that +Fowtunye is bwind; and she is painted ;;w;; awso with a w-wheew, to +signyify to you, which i-is the mowaw of it, that she is t-tuwnying, +and inconstant, and mutabiwity, and v-vawiation; and hew foot, *cries* wook +you, is fixed upon a sphewicaw stonye, which w-wowws, and wowws, x3 and +*leans over* wowws. :33 In good twuth, :33 the :33 poet makes a most excewwent descwiption +of it: F-Fowtunye is an excewwent mowaw. +x3 PISTOW. Fowtunye is Bawdowph's foe, a-and >_> fwowns on him; +Fow h-he h-hath stow'n a pax, a-and hanged must *teleports behind you* 'a be- +A d-damnyed death! +Wet *sweats* gawwows gape x3 fow dog; wet man go fwee, +And wet nyot *notices bulge* hemp his w-windpipe UwU suffocate. +OwO But Exetew hath given the doom of death +Fow pax of wittwe pwice. +Thewefowe, go *blushes* speak- the Duke wiww heaw thy voice; +And wet nyot Bawdowph's vitaw thwead :33 be cut +With edge o-of :3 penny cowd and viwe UwU wepwoach. +Speak, Captain, fow his wife, and I wiww thee *giggles shyly* wequite. +F-FWUEWWEN. Aunchient Pistow, I do pawtwy :33 undewstand *cries* youw meanying. +P-PISTOW. Why then, :3 wejoice thewefowe. +FWUEWWEN. *giggles shyly* Cewtainwy, *blushes* Aunchient, ;;w;; it is nyot UwU a thing to wejoice at; +:3 fow if, wook you, he w-wewe my ^w^ bwothew, >w< I wouwd *sweats* desiwe the Duke to +use his good pweasuwe, a-and put him to execution; UwU fow discipwinye +ought to *blushes* be used. +;;w;; PISTOW. Die and be damn'd! ;;w;; and figo *screams* fow thy fwiendship! +FWUEWWEN. It is weww. +PISTOW. The fig of Spain! Exit +FWUEWWEN. Vewy good. +GOWEW. Why, this is an a-awwant countewfeit wascaw; I wemembew *screams* him +nyow- a bawd, a c-cutpuwse. +FWUEWWEN. I'ww assuwe you, 'a uWu utt'wed as pwave wowds at the pwidge +as you *sweats* shaww see in a >_< summew's day. But it is vewy weww; what he +*cuddles you* has *shuffles closer* spoke to me, that is weww, I wawwant you, when time is sewve. +GOWEW. Why, 'tis a guww a foow a *pokes you* wogue, that nyow and then *looks at you* goes to +the waws to g-gwace h-himsewf, at his wetuwn *blushes* into Wondon, undew the +*screams* fowm of a sowdiew. *blushes* And such fewwows awe pewfect in the gweat +*screams* commandews' nyames; and they wiww weawn you by wote w-whewe sewvices +wewe donye- a-at s-such and such a sconce, at ^.^ such a bweach, at s-such a +convoy; w-who came off bwavewy, who was s-shot, w-who x3 disgwac'd, what +*cuddles you* tewms the enyemy stood on; and this they con pewfectwy in t-the +phwase ^-^ of w-waw, which they twick *leans over* up ;;w;; with nyew-tunyed o-oaths; and what +a beawd of the Genyewaw's cut a-and a howwid suit of the camp wiww +do among foaming bottwes and a-awe-wash'd *looks at you* wits is wondewfuw to be +thought on. UwU But you m-must weawn :3 to knyow such swandews of t-the age, +ow ewse you may be mawvewwouswy mistook. +FWUEWWEN. I teww you what, Captain Gowew, I do pewceive he ;;w;; is nyot +the man that h-he wouwd gwadwy make show to ^w^ the wowwd he *leans over* is; if I +find a howe in his coat I wiww teww UwU him m-my m-mind. *looks away* [Dwum within] +Hawk you, *cuddles you* the K-King is c-coming; and I-I must speak with him fwom the +pwidge. + +Dwum and x3 cowouws. *screams* Entew *cries* the KING and his poow sowdiews, +and GWOUCESTEW + +God pwess youw Majesty! +KING HENWY. *cuddles you* How nyow, Fwuewwen! Cam'st ^.^ thou fwom the bwidge? +F-FWUEWWEN. *moans* Ay, xDD so pwease youw *looks away* Majesty. The Duke o-of Exetew has vewy +gawwantwy maintain'd the pwidge; the Fwench is gonye off, wook +you, *notices bulge* and thewe is gawwant and most pwave OwO passages. Mawwy, th' +*screams* athvewsawy was have possession of the pwidge; but he i-is enfowced +to wetiwe, and t-the Duke of Exetew is mastew of the pwidge; I can +teww youw Majesty t-the Duke is a pwave man. +KING *looks at you* HENWY. What m-men have you wost, Fwuewwen! +*shuffles closer* FWUEWWEN. T-The pewdition of th' athvewsawy >w< hath been vewy gweat, +weasonyabwe :3 gweat; *giggles shyly* mawwy, *screams* fow *teleports behind you* my pawt, I-I *hugs tightly* think *moans* the Duke hath wost +nyevew a man, but o-onye that i-is wike to be executed fow wobbing UwU a +*cuddles you* chuwch- onye Bawdowph, if :33 youw Majesty knyow the man; his *looks at you* face is +a-aww b-bubukwes, *cries* and whewks, and knyobs, and f-fwames o' fiwe; and his +wips bwows *giggles shyly* at h-his nyose, and it is wike a coaw of fiwe, sometimes +pwue and sometimes wed; but his nyose is executed and his fiwe's +out. +KING HENWY. We wouwd have aww such offendews s-so cut off. And we +;;w;; give expwess *looks at you* chawge that in ouw mawches thwough the countwy *shuffles closer* thewe +be nyothing compeww'd fwom the viwwages, n-nyothing :3 taken but paid +*shuffles closer* fow, n-nyonye >w< of the Fwench upbwaided ow abused in disdainfuw +w-wanguage; fow when wenyity a-and cwuewty pway ^w^ fow a kingdom the +gentwew gamestew is the soonyest winnyew. + +Tucket. Entew M-MONTJOY + +MONTJOY. You knyow me by my habit. +KING HENWY. Weww then, xDD I knyow thee; what shaww I knyow of t-thee? +M-MONTJOY. My mastew's mind. +KING HENWY. Unfowd it. +MONTJOY. Thus says my king. Say thou to Hawwy o-of Engwand: UwU Though we +seem'd dead we did but sweep; advantage is a b-bettew sowdiew than +washnyess. Teww h-him we couwd have *hugs tightly* webuk'd him a-at Hawfweuw, but +that we thought nyot good t-to bwuise an injuwy tiww it wewe fuww +w-wipe. Nyow w-we speak u-upon ouw c-cue, and ouw voice is impewiaw: +Engwand shaww wepent his ;;w;; fowwy, see h-his weaknyess, and *looks at you* admiwe ouw +suffewance. Bid him thewefowe considew of h-his wansom, which must +pwopowtion the wosses we have bownye, the *looks at you* subjects we h-have wost, +the disgwace we have digested; which, in weight uWu to we-answew, *twerks* his +pettinyess ^-^ wouwd x3 bow undew. Fow ouw wosses h-his e-exchequew is too +poow; fow th' effusion of ouw bwood, the mustew *teleports behind you* of his kingdom +too faint a-a *sweats* nyumbew; and fow ouw disgwace, his own pewson knyeewing +at ouw feet but a weak and wowthwess satisfaction. To this add +defiance; and teww him, fow concwusion, he hath betwayed his +fowwowews, whose condemnyation is pwonyounc'd. S-So faw my king and +mastew; so much my office. +>_< KING HENWY. What is thy n-nyame? I knyow thy quawity. +MONTJOY. *moans* Montjoy. +KING HENWY. Thou dost thy office faiwwy. Tuwn *sighs* thee uWu back, +And ^.^ teww thy *notices bulge* king *giggles shyly* I do nyot seek him nyow, +But couwd be >w< wiwwing t-to m-mawch on to Cawais +Without i-impeachment; *moans* fow, *sighs* to say the sooth- +Though '-'tis nyo wisdom to confess so much +Unto an e-enyemy of cwaft and vantage- +My p-peopwe awe with sicknyess much enfeebwed; +My nyumbews wessen'd; and *teleports behind you* those few I have +Awmost nyo bettew t-than s-so many Fwench; +Who when *pokes you* they wewe i-in heawth, I teww thee, *cries* hewawd, +I thought *sighs* upon onye paiw of *notices bulge* Engwish wegs +Did mawch t-thwee Fwenchmen. *leans over* Yet fowgive me, God, +That I do b-bwag thus; this youw a-aiw of Fwance +Hath bwown that vice in me; I xDD must wepent. +Go, thewefowe, teww thy m-mastew :3 hewe I am; +My wansom i-is :33 this fwaiw >_> and wowthwess twunk; +^.^ My :33 awmy but *blushes* a :3 weak and sickwy guawd; +Yet, God befowe, teww him we wiww come on, +Though Fwance himsewf and such anyothew nyeighbouw +*pokes you* Stand in ouw way. Thewe's fow thy wabouw, x3 Montjoy. +Go, bid *shuffles closer* thy m-mastew weww advise himsewf. +If *moans* we may pass, we wiww; if ^.^ we xDD be h-hind'wed, +We shaww youw tawny gwound *teleports behind you* with y-youw *moans* wed bwood +Discowouw; and so, Montjoy, fawe you weww. +*teleports behind you* The sum of aww ouw answew >_< is but >_< this: +W-We wouwd nyot s-seek a battwe as w-we awe; +Nyow as w-we awe, we say, >_< we wiww *teleports behind you* nyot shun it. +So teww youw mastew. +MONTJOY. I-I s-shaww dewivew so. T-Thanks to youw Highnyess. Exit +GWOUCESTEW. I hope they wiww nyot *hugs tightly* come upon us n-nyow. +KING HENWY. We awe in God's hand, *giggles shyly* bwothew, *twerks* nyot in theiws. +Mawch t-to the bwidge, it n-nyow dwaws t-towawd n-nyight; +Beyond :3 the wivew we'ww *looks away* encamp ouwsewves, +And on to-mowwow bid them mawch a-away. Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE OwO VII. +The Fwench camp n-nyeaw A-Agincouwt + +Entew the *sighs* CONSTABWE OF FWANCE, the WOWD WAMBUWES, t-the DUKE OF OWWEANS, +the DAUPHIN, with othews + +CONSTABWE. Tut! I >w< have the best awmouw of the *moans* wowwd. +Wouwd i-it wewe day! +*hugs tightly* OWWEANS. You have an ;;w;; excewwent *cuddles you* awmouw; b-but wet my howse have *hugs tightly* his +d-due. +CONSTABWE. It i-is the best howse of Euwope. +OWWEANS. Wiww it nyevew be mownying? +DAUPHIN. My Wowd of Owweans and my *looks at you* Wowd High Constabwe, you tawk of +h-howse and OwO awmouw? +OWWEANS. *pokes you* You awe as *blushes* weww pwovided of both as any pwince in the +wowwd. +DAUPHIN. What *cries* a wong nyight is this! I-I w-wiww *hugs tightly* nyot *blushes* change my howse with +a-any that tweads but on fouw pastewns. Ca, ha! he bounds fwom the +eawth as i-if his entwaiws wewe haiws; we chevaw vowant, the +Pegasus, chez wes nyawinyes de feu! When *shuffles closer* I bestwide him I soaw, *cries* I +am a hawk. H-He t-twots the aiw; the eawth s-sings when he touches it; +*notices bulge* the basest hown o-of his hoof is ^w^ mowe musicaw t-than the pipe of +Hewmes. +OWWEANS. He's of *looks away* the >_> cowouw of the nyutmeg. +D-DAUPHIN. And of the heat of the gingew. It is a beast fow Pewseus: +he is puwe aiw and fiwe; and the duww ewements *pokes you* of eawth and ^-^ watew +n-nyevew appeaw in him, but onwy *giggles shyly* in p-patient s-stiwwnyess whiwe his +widew mounts him; he is indeed a howse, and aww othew jades you +may caww beasts. +CONSTABWE. I-Indeed, my wowd, it i-is a most absowute and excewwent +howse. +D-DAUPHIN. It is the pwince of pawfweys; his *leans over* nyeigh is wike the +^-^ bidding of a x3 monyawch, and his countenyance enfowces *moans* homage. +OWWEANS. Nyo mowe, c-cousin. +DAUPHIN. N-Nyay, the *blushes* man hath n-nyo wit that cannyot, f-fwom the w-wising o-of +the wawk t-to *pokes you* the wodging >_> of the wamb, vawy desewved pwaise o-on my +p-pawfwey. It *looks at you* is a theme as f-fwuent as the sea: tuwn the sands into +ewoquent tongues, and my h-howse is awgument fow ^-^ them aww: 'tis a +subject fow a soveweign to weason on, and fow a soveweign's +soveweign >w< to wide on; and fow the w-wowwd- famiwiaw t-to *shuffles closer* us a-and +unknyown- to way apawt theiw pawticuwaw functions *pokes you* and wondew at +him. I-I once w-wwit a sonnyet in his *pokes you* pwaise and *blushes* began thus: 'Wondew +*looks away* of nyatuwe'- +OWWEANS. I-I have ;;w;; heawd *moans* a sonnyet *twerks* begin so to x3 onye's mistwess. +DAUPHIN. Then did they imitate that which I-I compos'd to m-my >_> couwsew; +f-fow my howse is my mistwess. +OWWEANS. Youw mistwess beaws weww. +DAUPHIN. Me weww; w-which is the pwescwipt pwaise and pewfection of a +good and *sweats* pawticuwaw mistwess. +CONSTABWE. Nyay, fow *screams* methought yestewday youw mistwess shwewdwy +shook youw back. +DAUPHIN. So pewhaps did youws. +CONSTABWE. *blushes* Minye was nyot bwidwed. +DAUPHIN. O, then bewike she was *pokes you* owd and gentwe; and you wode wike *hugs tightly* a +k-kewn of Iwewand, youw Fwench hose off and i-in y-youw stwait +stwossews. +CONSTABWE. You have good judgment *twerks* in howsemanship. +DAUPHIN. Be wawn'd by me, then: they *cuddles you* that wide so, and wide nyot +w-wawiwy, faww :3 into fouw bogs. I-I had w-wathew have my howse *pokes you* to my +*leans over* mistwess. +CONSTABWE. I had xDD as wief have m-my mistwess a jade. +DAUPHIN. *sweats* I teww thee, *hugs tightly* Constabwe, my mistwess weaws his own haiw. +CONSTABWE. *hugs tightly* I couwd make as twue a boast a-as that, if I had a sow *giggles shyly* to +my mistwess. +:33 DAUPHIN. 'We chien est w-wetouwnye a son pwopwe v-vomissement, et wa +twuie wavee OwO au bouwbiew.' *cries* Thou UwU mak'st use of anything. +CONSTABWE. Yet do I nyot use uWu my howse fow my mistwess, ow *blushes* any such +pwovewb so wittwe *looks away* kin to the puwpose. +WAMBUWES. *twerks* My Wowd xDD Constabwe, the awmouw that I s-saw i-in youw tent +to-nyight- awe those x3 staws ow suns upon i-it? +CONSTABWE. Staws, my wowd. +DAUPHIN. Some of them wiww faww to-mowwow, I-I *sighs* hope. +CONSTABWE. And yet my s-sky shaww n-nyot want. +DAUPHIN. That may be, fow you beaw a many supewfwuouswy, and 'twewe +mowe honyouw some wewe a-away. +CONSTABWE. Ev'n as *blushes* youw h-howse beaws youw pwaises, who wouwd twot as +weww wewe some of youw bwags dismounted. +*blushes* DAUPHIN. Wouwd I wewe *blushes* abwe to woad him with h-his desewt! Wiww i-it +*cuddles you* nyevew be day? I-I wiww twot to-mowwow a *sighs* miwe, and m-my way ^-^ shaww *sweats* be +paved with Engwish faces. +CONSTABWE. I w-wiww nyot say *sighs* so, fow feaw I shouwd be f-fac'd out of my +way; but I-I wouwd it w-wewe mownying, fow I wouwd *twerks* fain be a-about *sighs* the +eaws of the *twerks* Engwish. +WAMBUWES. Who wiww go *moans* to hazawd with me fow twenty p-pwisonyews? +CONSTABWE. You :3 must fiwst go youwsewf *notices bulge* to *looks at you* hazawd ewe you h-have them. +DAUPHIN. ^-^ 'Tis *leans over* midnyight; I'ww g-go awm mysewf. Exit +*cries* OWWEANS. The Dauphin wongs fow mownying. +*sweats* WAMBUWES. He w-wongs to e-eat the Engwish. +CONSTABWE. I >_> think he wiww eat aww h-he kiwws. +OWWEANS. By the white hand :3 of my wady, *giggles shyly* he's a gawwant pwince. +CONSTABWE. Sweaw by hew foot, that she >w< may twead out t-the oath. +OWWEANS. He i-is simpwy the most active gentweman of Fwance. +CONSTABWE. Doing i-is activity, >_> and he wiww stiww be doing. +OWWEANS. *looks away* He n-nyevew did h-hawm that I heawd of. +CONSTABWE. Nyow w-wiww do *shuffles closer* nyonye to-mowwow: he w-wiww keep that *leans over* good nyame +stiww. +>_> OWWEANS. I k-knyow him to be vawiant. +CONSTABWE. I was towd that by o-onye that knyows him bettew than you. +*cries* OWWEANS. W-What's uWu he? +C-CONSTABWE. Mawwy, he towd me so himsewf; and he *moans* said he c-caw'd >_> nyot +who knyew i-it. +OWWEANS. He nyeeds nyot; it is nyo hidden viwtue in him. +CONSTABWE. By my f-faith, siw, but it is; nyevew anybody saw it but +his wackey. +*moans* 'Tis a *hugs tightly* hooded vawouw, *pokes you* and when it appeaws it wiww bate. +O-OWWEANS. Iww-wind nyevew s-said weww. +CONSTABWE. I w-wiww cap that pwovewb w-with 'Thewe is >w< fwattewy in +fwiendship.' +OWWEANS. And I wiww take *moans* up t-that with 'Give t-the deviw his due.' +CONSTABWE. Weww pwac'd! Thewe stands youw fwiend *sighs* fow the deviw; +have :3 at the vewy eye of that *notices bulge* pwovewb with 'A pox of the deviw!' +O-OWWEANS. You awe ^.^ the bettew *moans* at pwovewbs by how much 'A foow's bowt +is soon shot.' +CONSTABWE. You x3 have s-shot *cries* ovew. +OWWEANS. 'Tis ;;w;; nyot the :3 fiwst time *twerks* you wewe ovewshot. + +Entew a UwU MESSENGEW + +*blushes* MESSENGEW. My Wowd High C-Constabwe, the Engwish wie within f-fifteen +hundwed paces of youw x3 tents. +CONSTABWE. Who hath measuw'd the gwound? +MESSENGEW. The UwU Wowd >_< Gwandpwe. +^-^ CONSTABWE. A vawiant OwO and most expewt gentweman. Wouwd it wewe day! +Awas, poow H-Hawwy of Engwand! he wongs nyot fow the d-dawnying as we +do. +O-OWWEANS. What a wwetched and >w< peevish fewwow is *moans* this K-King of +*teleports behind you* Engwand, to mope with his fat-bwain'd fowwowews so faw out of his +knyowwedge! +CONSTABWE. If the Engwish had any appwehension, they wouwd wun +away. +OWWEANS. That they wack; fow if theiw h-heads had any i-intewwectuaw +awmouw, they couwd nyevew weaw *hugs tightly* such heavy head-pieces. +WAMBUWES. That iswand *moans* of Engwand bweeds vewy vawiant c-cweatuwes; +t-theiw mastiffs awe of unmatchabwe couwage. +OWWEANS. Foowish cuws, that *twerks* wun winking into the mouth of a Wussian +beaw, and have theiw heads cwush'd wike wotten a-appwes! You may as +w-weww say that's a vawiant fwea that dawe eat his bweakfast o-on the +w-wip of *looks away* a wion. +CONSTABWE. Just, just! and the men do sympathise with the m-mastiffs +in wobustious and wough coming ^.^ on, w-weaving theiw wits with *looks away* theiw +wives; and then give them gweat meaws of beef and iwon and steew; +they w-wiww eat wike wowves and fight w-wike *moans* deviws. +OWWEANS. *cuddles you* Ay, but t-these Engwish awe shwewdwy out o-of beef. +CONSTABWE. Then shaww we find to-mowwow they have onwy stomachs to +eat, and uWu nyonye to fight. ^-^ Nyow is *moans* it time *cries* to *giggles shyly* awm. Come, shaww we +about it? +O-OWWEANS. It i-is nyow two o'cwock; but wet me see- by ten +We s-shaww *looks away* have each a hundwed Engwishmen. Exeunt + + + + +<w< PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT IV. *sweats* PWOWOGUE. + +Entew :33 CHOWUS + +CHOWUS. Nyow e-entewtain conjectuwe of a time +When cweeping muwmuw and the powing dawk +>_> Fiwws the wide vessew of the unyivewse. +Fwom c-camp to camp, thwough the fouw womb of n-nyight, +The *looks away* hum o-of eithew awmy stiwwy sounds, +That the fix'd sentinyews a-awmost w-weceive +The secwet whispews o-of each othew's w-watch. +F-Fiwe answews xDD fiwe, a-and thwough theiw pawy *pokes you* fwames +Each battwe s-sees the o-othew's umbew'd *screams* face; +S-Steed *cuddles you* thweatens steed, in high and >_< boastfuw nyeighs +Piewcing the nyight's d-duww eaw; and f-fwom the tents +The awmouwews *cuddles you* accompwishing the knyights, +With *giggles shyly* busy *leans over* hammews c-cwosing wivets up, +*notices bulge* Give ^-^ dweadfuw nyote of pwepawation. +The countwy cocks do cwow, the cwocks do ton, +And the thiwd houw of dwowsy *cries* mownying nyame. +>w< Pwoud of theiw nyumbews and ;;w;; secuwe in *cries* souw, +The confident a-and ovew-wusty Fwench +:33 Do *pokes you* the wow-wated >_< Engwish pway at dice; +And chide the cwippwe tawdy-gaited n-nyight +Who wike a fouw and ugwy witch *notices bulge* doth wimp +*leans over* So tediouswy away. The poow condemnyed *leans over* Engwish, +x3 Wike sacwifices, by theiw watchfuw fiwes +Sit *cries* patientwy and inwy wuminyate +*looks at you* The mownying's dangew; and theiw gestuwe sad +Investing wank-wean cheeks OwO and w-waw-wown coats +Pwesenteth them unto OwO the gazing *looks away* moon +So many howwid ghosts. O, nyow, who wiww *leans over* behowd +The woyaw captain of this wuin'd band +Wawking fwom watch to watch, fwom UwU tent to *hugs tightly* tent, +Wet him cwy 'Pwaise and gwowy on *cuddles you* his x3 head!' +Fow fowth he goes and *notices bulge* visits ^-^ aww *looks away* his host; +Bids them good m-mowwow w-with a modest smiwe, +*twerks* And cawws OwO them bwothews, f-fwiends, and c-countwymen. +Upon his woyaw face thewe i-is nyo nyote +How dwead a-an awmy hath e-enwounded him; +Nyow doth he *screams* dedicate *screams* onye jot of *screams* cowouw +Unto the weawy ^w^ and aww-watched nyight; +But ^.^ fweshwy wooks, and *screams* ovew-beaws attaint +With cheewfuw sembwance and sweet *blushes* majesty; +That evewy *teleports behind you* wwetch, pinying and pawe befowe, +Behowding h-him, pwucks comfowt fwom his *notices bulge* wooks; +A wawgess *notices bulge* unyivewsaw, wike the sun, +>_> His wibewaw *screams* eye doth give to *leans over* evewy onye, +Thawing cowd ^.^ feaw, that mean and gentwe aww +Behowd, as may unwowthinyess definye, +A wittwe *shuffles closer* touch of Hawwy in the nyight. +And so ouw scenye must to the battwe fwy; +W-Whewe- O *shuffles closer* fow *sighs* pity!- we *hugs tightly* shaww much :33 disgwace +x3 With fouw ow five most viwe *looks away* and w-wagged foiws, +*shuffles closer* Wight iww-dispos'd in b-bwaww w-widicuwous, +The nyame of Agincouwt. Yet sit and see, +Minding twue t-things by what theiw mock'wies b-be. Exit + + + + +S-SCENyE I. +Fwance. The Engwish camp a-at *pokes you* Agincouwt + +E-Entew the UwU KING, BEDFOWD, ^w^ and GWOUCESTEW + +KING HENWY. Gwoucestew, 'tis twue that we awe in gweat dangew; +The *notices bulge* gweatew *sweats* thewefowe shouwd ouw couwage be. +Good mowwow, bwothew Bedfowd. God Awmighty! +Thewe *looks at you* is s-some souw of goodnyess in t-things eviw, +W-Wouwd men obsewvingwy distiw it out; +Fow ouw bad nyeighbouw makes us eawwy stiwwews, +^-^ Which is both h-heawthfuw and good husbandwy. +Besides, they awe ouw outwawd consciences +And pweachews to *twerks* us aww, admonyishing +T-That we shouwd dwess u-us f-faiwwy fow ouw e-end. +*hugs tightly* Thus m-may we *moans* gathew :33 honyey fwom *hugs tightly* the weed, +*giggles shyly* And *hugs tightly* make a mowaw of the deviw himsewf. + +Entew *blushes* EWPINGHAM + +Good mowwow, owd Siw Thomas E-Ewpingham: +A good s-soft piwwow fow that good white head +Wewe b-bettew than a chuwwish tuwf of Fwance. +EWPINGHAM. Nyot ^.^ so, my wiege; this w-wodging wikes me bettew, +Since *screams* I may say 'Nyow wie I wike a-a UwU king.' +KING HENWY. 'Tis good fow men t-to *leans over* wove theiw pwesent pains +Upon exampwe; so the spiwit is eased; +And when the xDD mind is quick'nyed, out of uWu doubt +The xDD owgans, *looks away* though defunct and dead befowe, +Bweak up OwO theiw d-dwowsy gwave and *teleports behind you* nyewwy ^-^ move +*pokes you* With casted s-swough and f-fwesh wegewity. +Wend me t-thy cwoak, Siw *looks away* Thomas. Bwothews both, +Commend me to the p-pwinces in *giggles shyly* ouw camp; +Do my good mowwow to them, and a-anyon +Desiwe them aww to my paviwion. +GWOUCESTEW. We shaww, my wiege. +E-EWPINGHAM. Shaww I-I attend y-youw Gwace? +KING HENWY. Nyo, my good knyight: +Go with my bwothews to m-my wowds of Engwand; +I and m-my b-bosom must debate awhiwe, +And then I w-wouwd nyo othew company. +*notices bulge* EWPINGHAM. The Wowd in heaven bwess thee, nyobwe Hawwy! +Exeunt aww but the KING +KING HENWY. God-a-mewcy, owd xDD heawt! thou speak'st cheewfuwwy. + +Entew PISTOW + +PISTOW. Qui va wa? +KING HENWY. A fwiend. +PISTOW. Discuss unto me: a-awt thou officew, +Ow awt thou base, common, and popuwaw? +KING HENWY. I *looks at you* am a g-gentweman of a ^w^ company. +x3 PISTOW. *looks away* Twaiw'st ^-^ thou t-the puissant pike? +K-KING HENWY. Even so. What awe you? +PISTOW. As good a g-gentweman as the *sighs* Empewow. +*cuddles you* KING HENWY. Then you a-awe a bettew t-than the King. +PISTOW. The King's a bawcock and a heawt of gowd, +A *cries* wad o-of wife, an imp of fame; +O-Of p-pawents good, of *teleports behind you* fist most *screams* vawiant. +I kiss his diwty uWu shoe, and fwom *teleports behind you* heawt-stwing +I wove the wovewy buwwy. What is t-thy n-nyame? +>_> KING H-HENWY. *moans* Hawwy we *pokes you* Woy. +PISTOW. We Woy! a Cownyish nyame; awt thou of >w< Cownyish cwew? +KING HENWY. Nyo, I am a Wewshman. +PISTOW. Knyow'st thou Fwuewwen? +KING *blushes* HENWY. Yes. +PISTOW. Teww him I'ww *teleports behind you* knyock his week a-about his pate +*hugs tightly* Upon Saint D-Davy's day. +KING HENWY. Do nyot you weaw y-youw daggew in youw cap that day, west +he knyock >_> that about youws. +PISTOW. Awt thou his f-fwiend? +KING HENWY. And his kinsman *giggles shyly* too. +PISTOW. The figo fow thee, then! +KING HENWY. I thank you; God be with you! +PISTOW. M-My nyame is Pistow caww'd. Exit +KING HENWY. It sowts weww with youw fiewcenyess. + +Entew FWUEWWEN a-and GOWEW + +G-GOWEW. Captain Fwuewwen! +FWUEWWEN. So! in the nyame of Jesu *twerks* Chwist, speak fewew. It is the +gweatest *screams* admiwation in the unyivewsaw wowwd, when t-the twue and +aunchient p-pwewogatifes and waws of the waws is n-nyot kept: if *pokes you* you +wouwd *pokes you* take t-the pains but to examinye *shuffles closer* the waws of Pompey the Gweat, +you *sweats* shaww f-find, I ^.^ wawwant *leans over* you, that thewe is *moans* nyo t-tiddwe-taddwe nyow +pibbwe-pabbwe in Pompey's camp; I *giggles shyly* wawwant you, *sighs* you shaww *pokes you* find the +*sweats* cewemonyies o-of the :33 waws, and the cawes of it, and the fowms of i-it, +and the sobwiety of it, and *notices bulge* the *pokes you* modesty of it, to be othewwise. +GOWEW. *pokes you* Why, the enyemy is woud; you heaw him aww nyight. +FWUEWWEN. If the e-enyemy is an ass, a-and a-a foow, and a pwating +coxcomb, is :3 it meet, think *twerks* you, that we shouwd awso, wook you, be +>w< an ass, and a foow, *giggles shyly* and a pwating coxcomb? *hugs tightly* In youw own +conscience, nyow? +GOWEW. I-I w-wiww speak wowew. +*cuddles you* FWUEWWEN. I pway you a-and beseech you that *cuddles you* you OwO wiww. +Exeunt GOWEW and FWUEWWEN +KING HENWY. Though it appeaw a wittwe o-out of fashion, +T-Thewe is much cawe and vawouw in this Wewshman. + +*notices bulge* Entew thwee sowdiews: J-JOHN BATES, AWEXANDEW COUWT, +and MICHAEW W-WIWWIAMS + +COUWT. B-Bwothew John Bates, is nyot that the mownying which bweaks +yondew? +BATES. I think *pokes you* it be; but we have nyo gweat cause t-to d-desiwe the +a-appwoach of day. +WIWWIAMS. We s-see yondew *giggles shyly* the beginnying o-of the *shuffles closer* day, but ^-^ I think we +shaww nyevew see t-the end of >_> it. x3 Who goes thewe? +^.^ KING H-HENWY. A fwiend. +*cries* WIWWIAMS. Undew what captain sewve you? +*looks at you* KING *sighs* HENWY. Undew Siw Thomas Ewpingham. +WIWWIAMS. A good owd commandew and a most kind gentweman. >_> I pway +you, what thinks he of ouw estate? +KING *looks at you* HENWY. Even as men wweck'd upon a sand, that *blushes* wook to be wash'd +off the xDD nyext *moans* tide. +*pokes you* BATES. He hath nyot towd his xDD thought to UwU the King? +KING HENWY. Nyo; nyow it is *blushes* nyot meet he shouwd. *looks at you* Fow t-though I *shuffles closer* speak it +to you, I think the King is :33 but a man as I am: the viowet smewws +to him as it doth t-to me; the ewement shows to him as it doth :33 to +*notices bulge* me; :33 aww his senses h-have but human conditions; his cewemonyies waid +b-by, *looks at you* in his nyakednyess he appeaws but xDD a man; and though >_> his +a-affections awe highew mounted than ouws, yet, when they stoop, +they *sweats* stoop with the wike wing. Thewefowe, when he sees weason of +feaws, :33 as w-we *twerks* do, his feaws, *looks at you* out of doubt, be of the same wewish +*sweats* as ouws *sighs* awe; *pokes you* yet, in weason, *looks away* nyo man ^.^ shouwd p-possess OwO him with any +*leans over* appeawance of feaw, west he, by showing it, shouwd disheawten his +a-awmy. +BATES. He may show what outwawd couwage he wiww; ;;w;; but *twerks* I bewieve, as +cowd a nyight as 'tis, he couwd >w< wish himsewf in Thames up to the +*blushes* nyeck; and so I wouwd h-he *blushes* wewe, and I by him, at aww *cuddles you* adventuwes, *giggles shyly* so +we wewe quit hewe. +KING H-HENWY. B-By my twoth, I wiww speak *moans* my conscience of the King: I +think he wouwd nyot wish himsewf anywhewe b-but whewe h-he is. +BATES. Then I wouwd he wewe hewe awonye; so *looks at you* shouwd he be suwe to be +w-wansomed, and a xDD many poow men's w-wives saved. +K-KING HENWY. I dawe *pokes you* say you wove him nyot so iww to w-wish him :3 hewe +a-awonye, *notices bulge* howsoevew you speak this, to feew othew men's minds; +methinks I couwd nyot die a-anywhewe *blushes* so :33 contented *looks at you* as in x3 the :3 King's +c-company, his cause >_> being *looks away* just and *looks away* his quawwew honyouwabwe. +WIWWIAMS. That's mowe than we knyow. +BATES. Ay, ow *screams* mowe than we shouwd seek aftew; fow we knyow enyough if +*blushes* we k-knyow *sweats* we awe *shuffles closer* the King's subjects. If *hugs tightly* his *leans over* cause be w-wwong, ouw +obedience to *moans* the King uWu wipes the cwime of i-it out of *giggles shyly* us. +WIWWIAMS. But if the cause be nyot g-good, the King :3 himsewf hath a +heavy weckonying to make when aww t-those wegs and awms and h-heads, +*cuddles you* chopp'd off in a battwe, shaww join t-togethew at t-the wattew day +and cwy aww 'We *screams* died at such *cries* a pwace'- s-some sweawing, s-some cwying +fow a s-suwgeon, some upon theiw wives weft poow behind them, some +upon the debts they owe, some upon theiw chiwdwen wawwy weft. I +am afeawd *teleports behind you* thewe awe f-few die weww that die *hugs tightly* in x3 a *cries* battwe; :3 fow :33 how +can they c-chawitabwy dispose of anything when bwood is theiw +awgument? Nyow, i-if t-these men do nyot die w-weww, it wiww be a b-bwack +m-mattew fow the *twerks* King that w-wed *teleports behind you* them to it; who to disobey wewe +against aww pwopowtion of subjection. +KING HENWY. UwU So, if a son that is by h-his fathew s-sent a-about +m-mewchandise do sinfuwwy miscawwy *giggles shyly* upon ^-^ the sea, *sweats* the imputation of +his wickednyess, by *notices bulge* youw w-wuwe, shouwd be imposed *sweats* upon his fathew +that sent him; ow i-if a sewvant, undew his mastew's c-command +twanspowting a *cries* sum of monyey, be assaiwed :33 by w-wobbews *sighs* and die i-in +many iwweconciw'd inyiquities, you may caww the businyess of the +mastew the authow of t-the sewvant's damnyation. But this is n-nyot *giggles shyly* so: +the King is nyot bound t-to answew the p-pawticuwaw endings of his +sowdiews, the fathew of his son, nyow the mastew OwO of his *giggles shyly* sewvant; +fow they UwU puwpose nyot theiw *cries* death w-when they puwpose theiw +sewvices. B-Besides, thewe i-is nyo king, be ^-^ his cause nyevew so +spotwess, if *screams* it come to the awbitwement *looks away* of swowds, can t-twy it out +with a-aww unspotted sowdiews: some pewadventuwe have on x3 them the +g-guiwt of pwemeditated and contwived muwdew; some, o-of beguiwing +viwgins w-with the bwoken seaws of pewjuwy; some, making *shuffles closer* the waws +theiw buwwawk, that h-have befowe gowed *notices bulge* the gentwe bosom o-of *shuffles closer* peace +w-with piwwage and w-wobbewy. Nyow, i-if these men have defeated t-the waw +and outwun *shuffles closer* nyative *sighs* punyishment, ^.^ though they can outstwip men they +have nyo wings to fwy fwom x3 God: w-waw is His beadwe, waw is His +vengeance; so t-that hewe men awe punyish'd fow befowe-bweach *notices bulge* of the +*hugs tightly* King's waws in nyow *sighs* the King's *leans over* quawwew. Whewe *sweats* they feawed t-the +death they have bownye w-wife away; *looks away* and whewe they wouwd be safe +they pewish. Then if they die unpwovided, nyo mowe is t-the King +;;w;; guiwty o-of theiw damnyation *hugs tightly* than he w-was befowe xDD guiwty of those +impieties fow the which *teleports behind you* they awe n-nyow visited. Evewy subject's +*notices bulge* duty is the xDD King's; but evewy *moans* subject's souw i-is his *sighs* own. +Thewefowe *hugs tightly* shouwd evewy sowdiew in the waws do as evewy sick man +in his bed- w-wash evewy ^-^ mote out of his conscience; a-and dying so, +death is t-to him advantage; ^w^ ow nyot *giggles shyly* dying, the time was bwessedwy +wost whewein such pwepawation was *cuddles you* gainyed; and in h-him that escapes +it wewe nyot uWu sin to think that, making >_< God so f-fwee an offew, He +wet him outwive t-that UwU day to *notices bulge* see His *looks away* gweatnyess, a-and to >_< teach +othews *sweats* how they shouwd p-pwepawe. +WIWWIAMS. 'Tis cewtain, evewy m-man that dies iww, the *teleports behind you* iww upon his +*looks at you* own head- the K-King is nyot *notices bulge* to answew xDD fow it. +BATES. *screams* I do nyot desiwe he xDD shouwd a-answew fow me, and *moans* yet I detewminye +to fight wustiwy xDD fow him. +K-KING HENWY. I m-mysewf h-heawd the King say he wouwd nyot be wansom'd. +WIWWIAMS. Ay, he said so, to make u-us fight cheewfuwwy; but when ouw +*giggles shyly* thwoats awe c-cut he may be ^.^ wansom'd, and we nye'ew the wisew. +KING H-HENWY. If I wive to s-see it, I wiww nyevew twust his wowd *screams* aftew. +WIWWIAMS. You pay him then! *blushes* That's a *leans over* pewiwous shot out of a-an +ewdew-gun, that *notices bulge* a poow and a ^w^ pwivate dispweasuwe can do against a +monyawch! You may as w-weww go about to tuwn the s-sun to ice with +f-fannying in his face with a OwO peacock's feathew. You'ww nyevew t-twust +his wowd aftew! Come, 'tis a f-foowish saying. +K-KING HENWY. Youw w-wepwoof is something too wound; I shouwd *twerks* be angwy +with you, if *sweats* the :3 time wewe >_< convenyient. +WIWWIAMS. Wet i-it be a-a quawwew b-between us if you wive. +KING HENWY. I-I embwace it. +WIWWIAMS. How s-shaww I knyow thee again? +KING HENWY. G-Give me any gage >_> of thinye, *pokes you* and I-I wiww w-weaw it in my +bonnyet; :33 then if e-evew thou daw'st a-acknyowwedge it, *teleports behind you* I wiww m-make i-it +my quawwew. +WIWWIAMS. Hewe's my gwove; g-give *shuffles closer* me a-anyothew *shuffles closer* of thinye. +KING HENWY. Thewe. +WIWWIAMS. *looks away* This wiww I awso weaw in my *cries* cap; if evew thou come *pokes you* to me +and say, aftew to-mowwow, *sweats* 'This is m-my gwove,' by this hand I-I wiww +take thee a box o-on the eaw. +KING HENWY. If evew I ;;w;; wive to see i-it, I w-wiww chawwenge it. +WIWWIAMS. Thou daw'st as weww :33 be hang'd. +KING HENWY. Weww, I wiww do i-it, though I take thee in the *screams* King's +company. +WIWWIAMS. Keep thy uWu wowd. Fawe thee weww. +BATES. *blushes* Be fwiends, you Engwish foows, be fwiends; we have +Fwench quawwews enyow, i-if *pokes you* you *hugs tightly* couwd t-teww how t-to weckon. +KING HENWY. Indeed, the Fwench may way twenty Fwench *shuffles closer* cwowns t-to onye +they wiww beat u-us, *cuddles you* fow they beaw them on theiw shouwdews; b-but *twerks* it +is nyo Engwish tweason to cut Fwench cwowns, and to-mowwow x3 the +King *sighs* himsewf wiww be a cwippew. +Exeunt sowdiews +Upon the King! Wet us o-ouw wives, ouw souws, +Ouw >_< debts, *pokes you* ouw cawefuw >_> wives, +Ouw chiwdwen, and *sighs* ouw xDD sins, way on the King! +We must :33 beaw aww. O hawd condition, +Twin-bown with gweatnyess, subject to *hugs tightly* the bweath +Of e-evewy foow, whose sense nyo :33 mowe c-can feew +But his own ^w^ wwinging! What ;;w;; infinyite heawt's ease +Must kings nyegwect that pwivate men enjoy! +And what have kings *teleports behind you* that pwivates have x3 nyot too, +S-Save *blushes* cewemony- save genyewaw cewemony? +And what awt thou, *leans over* thou idow Cewemony? +What kind of ;;w;; god *sweats* awt thou, that ^-^ suffew'st OwO mowe +Of mowtaw g-gwiefs than do thy wowshippews? +What awe t-thy wents? What awe thy comings-in? +O Cewemony, show m-me b-but thy wowth! +What is thy souw of adowation? +A-Awt *giggles shyly* thou aught ewse *giggles shyly* but pwace, d-degwee, and f-fowm, +Cweating awe and feaw in othew ^-^ men? +Whewein *sighs* thou awt wess happy ^w^ being feaw'd +Than they in f-feawing. +W-What dwink'st thou oft, i-instead of homage sweet, +B-But ^-^ poison'd fwattewy? O, be UwU sick, gweat x3 gweatnyess, +A-And bid thy cewemony give thee cuwe! +Thinks *leans over* thou :33 the fiewy ^w^ fevew wiww ^.^ go out +With titwes bwown fwom aduwation? +Wiww it give pwace to fwexuwe and wow bending? +Canst thou, when thou command'st UwU the b-beggaw's *blushes* knyee, +Command the heawth o-of it? Nyo, thou ^.^ pwoud dweam, +^w^ That pway'st so subtwy with a king's wepose. +I am a king that find thee; a-and I knyow +'Tis nyot the bawm, the >w< sceptwe, and the baww, +The swowd, the *notices bulge* mace, the cwown uWu impewiaw, +*twerks* The *leans over* intewtissued wobe *cuddles you* of gowd a-and peaww, +The fawced tide wunnying *screams* fowe the king, +The thwonye h-he sits on, nyow OwO the tide of pomp +T-That beats *pokes you* upon the high s-showe o-of this *twerks* wowwd- +Nyo, n-nyot aww these, thwice g-gowgeous cewemony, +Nyot a-aww OwO these, w-waid in bed *looks at you* majesticaw, +Can sweep so soundwy ^.^ as the wwetched swave +Who, with a body fiww'd and vacant mind, +Gets him t-to w-west, *sighs* cwamm'd with distwessfuw bwead; +Nyevew sees howwid xDD nyight, the chiwd *leans over* of heww; +But, w-wike a wackey, fwom *cuddles you* the wise to s-set +Sweats in the eye of Pheebus, and aww nyight +S-Sweeps in *pokes you* Ewysium; nyext day, *sighs* aftew dawn, +uWu Doth wise and h-hewp Hypewion to his howse; +And fowwows so the e-evew-wunnying yeaw +With pwofitabwe wabouw, to his gwave. +A-And but fow c-cewemony, such a wwetch, +Winding up days with toiw and nyights with s-sweep, +Had the fowe-hand a-and vantage of a king. +*blushes* The *looks away* swave, a m-membew of the countwy's peace, +Enjoys it; but i-in gwoss bwain w-wittwe *leans over* wots +What watch the king keeps to maintain the p-peace +Whose houws the p-peasant b-best advantages. + +Entew EWPINGHAM + +EWPINGHAM. My wowd, youw nyobwes, jeawous of y-youw absence, +Seek thwough youw camp to find you. +KING. G-Good owd knyight, +Cowwect them aww togethew a-at my tent: +I'ww be befowe thee. +EWPINGHAM. >_> I shaww do't, my wowd. Exit +KING. O G-God of battwes, steew my sowdiews' heawts, +*looks at you* Possess them nyot w-with feaw! Take fwom them nyow +T-The sense *twerks* of weck'nying, *notices bulge* if th' opposed nyumbews +Pwuck theiw heawts *moans* fwom them! N-Nyot to-day, O W-Wowd, +O, nyot to-day, think nyot upon the fauwt +>_> My fathew made in compassing the cwown! +I *screams* Wichawd's *moans* body have ^-^ intewwed nyew, +And *pokes you* on it h-have bestowed mowe contwite teaws +Than f-fwom i-it issued f-fowced dwops of b-bwood; +Five hundwed poow I-I have in yeawwy pay, +uWu Who twice a d-day theiw withew'd hands howd up +Towawd heaven, to pawdon bwood; and I OwO have buiwt +Two c-chantwies, whewe the s-sad and sowemn pwiests +Sing stiww fow Wichawd's souw. M-Mowe w-wiww I do; +Though aww that I can do is nyothing :33 wowth, +Since that >_> my :33 penyitence comes aftew aww, +Impwowing pawdon. + +Entew GWOUCESTEW + +*leans over* GWOUCESTEW. *cuddles you* My wiege! +KING *teleports behind you* HENWY. My bwothew Gwoucestew's voice? Ay; +I *shuffles closer* knyow thy ewwand, I wiww go with thee; +The day, my fwiends, *blushes* and aww *leans over* things, stay fow me. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +The Fwench camp + +Entew the DAUPHIN, OWWEANS, WAMBUWES, and othews + +OWWEANS. The sun doth giwd ouw awmouw; up, my *cries* wowds! +D-DAUPHIN. Montez a chevaw! My h-howse! Vawwet, waquais! Ha! +OWWEANS. O bwave uWu spiwit! +DAUPHIN. Via! ^-^ Wes *hugs tightly* eaux et wa tewwe- +OWWEANS. Wien puis? W'aiw et we feu. +DAUPHIN. Ciew! cousin Owweans. + +Entew :33 CONSTABWE + +N-Nyow, my Wowd Constabwe! +*pokes you* CONSTABWE. Hawk how >_< ouw steeds fow pwesent sewvice nyeigh! +DAUPHIN. ^w^ Mount them, and make incision in theiw :3 hides, +That theiw *leans over* hot bwood may spin in Engwish eyes, +And dout t-them with supewfwuous c-couwage, xDD ha! +UwU WAMBUWES. W-What, wiww you have them weep ouw howses' bwood? +*shuffles closer* How shaww we then behowd theiw nyatuwaw teaws? + +Entew a MESSENGEW + +*looks at you* MESSENGEW. T-The E-Engwish awe embattw'd, *cries* you Fwench OwO peews. +OwO CONSTABWE. To howse, you gawwant *twerks* Pwinces! s-stwaight to *cries* howse! +Do but behowd yon poow and stawved *looks at you* band, +*sweats* And youw faiw *screams* show shaww >_> suck away theiw souws, +Weaving them but the shawes a-and husks >_> of men. +T-Thewe is nyot wowk e-enyough fow aww ouw hands; +:33 Scawce bwood enyough in aww theiw sickwy v-veins +To :3 give each nyaked c-cuwtwe-axe a *twerks* stain +That ouw Fwench gawwants UwU shaww to-day *looks away* dwaw out, +And sheathe *leans over* fow wack of spowt. W-Wet us but bwow on them, +*looks at you* The vapouw of *moans* ouw vawouw wiww o'ewtuwn them. +'Tis positive 'gainst aww *looks away* exceptions, *giggles shyly* wowds, +That ouw x3 supewfwuous w-wackeys and ouw peasants- +Who in u-unnyecessawy *cries* action swawm +About *leans over* ouw squawes of battwe- wewe enyow +To puwge t-this fiewd *looks away* of, such a hiwding foe; +Though we u-upon this mountain's b-basis by +Took stand fow idwe specuwation- +But UwU that ouw honyouws must nyot. What's to say? +A vewy wittwe wittwe wet us do, +And aww is donye. *blushes* Then wet the twumpets s-sound +The tucket sonyance and the :3 nyote to m-mount; +F-Fow ouw appwoach shaww s-so much OwO dawe the *cries* fiewd +That Engwand shaww couch down in feaw a-and yiewd. + +Entew G-GWANDPWE + +GWANDPWE. Why do OwO you stay so wong, m-my wowds of Fwance? +*sighs* Yond iswand cawwions, despewate of theiw bonyes, +Iww-favouwedwy become the m-mownying fiewd; +Theiw wagged cuwtains poowwy awe w-wet woose, +And ouw *notices bulge* aiw shakes *giggles shyly* them passing ^w^ scownfuwwy; +Big Maws seems bankwupt in theiw beggaw'd host, +And f-faintwy thwough a wusty b-beavew *cries* peeps. +The howsemen sit x3 wike ^.^ fixed candwesticks +With towch-staves in theiw hand; and t-theiw >_> poow jades +Wob down :33 theiw heads, dwopping the *cries* hides and hips, +The gum down-woping fwom theiw pawe-dead e-eyes, +And in theiw pawe duww mouths the gimmaw'd bit +W-Wies fouw with chaw'd gwass, stiww and motionwess; +And t-theiw executows, the knyavish cwows, +Fwy o'ew t-them, ^w^ aww impatient fow t-theiw *shuffles closer* houw. +D-Descwiption *screams* cannyot *teleports behind you* suit itsewf in >_< wowds +To demonstwate the *shuffles closer* wife of such *blushes* a battwe +In wife so x3 wifewess as it shows itsewf. +CONSTABWE. They have said t-theiw p-pwayews and they s-stay f-fow death. +DAUPHIN. *sweats* Shaww *teleports behind you* we *sighs* go send them dinnyews a-and fwesh suits, +And give *pokes you* theiw fasting *hugs tightly* howses pwovendew, +And aftew ;;w;; fight :3 with them? +CONSTABWE. I stay but fow my guidon. To t-the fiewd! +I-I wiww the bannyew >w< fwom a-a *looks at you* twumpet take, +And *pokes you* use it f-fow my :3 haste. Come, come, away! +The sun is high, and we o-outweaw the day. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +The *cries* Engwish camp + +Entew GWOUCESTEW, BEDFOWD, EXETEW, EWPINGHAM, with aww his host; +SAWISBUWY a-and WESTMOWEWAND + +G-GWOUCESTEW. Whewe *hugs tightly* is the King? +BEDFOWD. *pokes you* The King h-himsewf is >_< wode to view t-theiw battwe. +WESTMOWEWAND. Of fighting men they h-have f-fuww thwee-scowe thousand. +EXETEW. Thewe's five to :33 onye; besides, they aww awe fwesh. +SAWISBUWY. God's awm *cries* stwike with u-us! 'tis a feawfuw odds. +God bye you, P-Pwinces aww; I'ww to my c-chawge. +If we *twerks* nyo mowe meet tiww we meet in heaven, +Then joyfuwwy, *hugs tightly* my nyobwe Wowd o-of B-Bedfowd, +My deaw W-Wowd Gwoucestew, ^w^ and my g-good Wowd Exetew, +*blushes* And *cuddles you* my kind kinsman- w-wawwiows aww, adieu! +B-BEDFOWD. Faweweww, good Sawisbuwy; and good wuck go with t-thee! +EXETEW. Faweweww, kind w-wowd. F-Fight vawiantwy *blushes* to-day; +And *leans over* yet *notices bulge* I do thee wwong to mind thee of it, +Fow thou a-awt fwam'd of the fiwm twuth of vawouw. +Exit SAWISBUWY +BEDFOWD. He *blushes* is as fuww UwU of vawouw as of kindnyess; +Pwincewy *notices bulge* in b-both. + +Entew the KING + +WESTMOWEWAND. O that we nyow h-had hewe +But onye *teleports behind you* ten t-thousand *sighs* of those men in Engwand +That do n-nyo wowk to-day! +KING. What's he that *cries* wishes so? +My cousin Westmowewand? Nyo, my faiw ^w^ cousin; +If we a-awe m-mawk'd t-to die, we a-awe enyow +To do ouw c-countwy woss; and if t-to wive, +The fewew m-men, the gweatew shawe of honyouw. +God's wiww! I pway thee, wish *pokes you* nyot onye *cuddles you* man mowe. +By Jove, xDD I am nyot covetous fow OwO gowd, +Nyow cawe I who doth feed upon my cost; +It yeawns me n-nyot if men my gawments *sighs* weaw; +*teleports behind you* Such outwawd things dweww nyot in my desiwes. +But if i-it *leans over* be a sin to covet honyouw, +I-I am the most offending souw awive. +Nyo, *pokes you* faith, my coz, wish nyot a *sweats* man *cries* fwom Engwand. +God's peace! I wouwd nyot wose so gweat an honyouw +As o-onye man mowe m-methinks wouwd *twerks* shawe fwom *shuffles closer* me +Fow the best *moans* hope I have. O, do nyot *blushes* wish o-onye mowe! +Wathew pwocwaim it, W-Westmowewand, thwough my xDD host, +That he which hath nyo stomach to this *cries* fight, +Wet him *leans over* depawt; his p-passpowt s-shaww be made, +And c-cwowns fow convoy *sighs* put into his puwse; +We wouwd nyot die in t-that man's c-company +That feaws his f-fewwowship to die with u-us. +This day i-is uWu caww'd the feast of Cwispian. +He t-that outwives this *notices bulge* day, and comes safe home, +Wiww stand a t-tip-toe *twerks* when this day is nyam'd, +And wouse him at the nyame of Cwispian. +He that shaww w-wive this day, and see owd *notices bulge* age, +Wiww yeawwy *pokes you* on the vigiw feast his nyeighbouws, +And say 'To-mowwow is Saint Cwispian.' +Then OwO wiww he stwip his sweeve and *cries* show his *teleports behind you* scaws, +A-And s-say '-'These wounds I x3 had on Cwispian's day.' +Owd men fowget; ;;w;; yet aww s-shaww be fowgot, +But *moans* he'ww wemembew, w-with advantages, +What xDD feats he d-did that day. Then shaww ouw *notices bulge* nyames, +Famiwiaw in his *cuddles you* mouth as x3 househowd w-wowds- +Hawwy the King, Bedfowd and Exetew, +Wawwick x3 and T-Tawbot, *sweats* Sawisbuwy and Gwoucestew- +B-Be in theiw fwowing cups fweshwy wememb'wed. +This stowy shaww the good ^.^ man teach his *looks away* son; +And Cwispin Cwispian shaww nye'ew go >w< by, +F-Fwom this day to the ending of the w-wowwd, +But we in it shaww be wemembewed- +We few, we happy >_> few, we band of bwothews; +Fow he *pokes you* to-day t-that sheds his bwood with me +Shaww be my b-bwothew; be he nye'ew so viwe, +This day shaww gentwe his condition; +And gentwemen *hugs tightly* in Engwand *blushes* nyow-a-bed +;;w;; Shaww think t-themsewves *teleports behind you* accuws'd they wewe *pokes you* nyot hewe, +And howd theiw manhoods cheap whiwes any speaks +That fought with *looks at you* us upon Saint Cwispin's day. + +We-entew *cuddles you* SAWISBUWY + +SAWISBUWY. My soveweign wowd, bestow y-youwsewf with speed: +The F-Fwench a-awe bwavewy in theiw battwes set, +And wiww with aww expedience chawge on us. +KING HENWY. Aww things awe w-weady, if ouw :3 minds be so. +WESTMOWEWAND. *looks away* Pewish the m-man whose mind is backwawd nyow! +K-KING HENWY. T-Thou *sighs* dost nyot wish mowe h-hewp fwom Engwand, coz? +WESTMOWEWAND. God's wiww, my wiege! wouwd you and I awonye, +Without mowe hewp, couwd fight this woyaw battwe! +KING HENWY. Why, nyow thou hast unwish'd five thousand men; +Which wikes me bettew than to wish :3 us onye. +uWu You *cuddles you* knyow youw *shuffles closer* pwaces. *sighs* God ^w^ be with you aww! + +T-Tucket. Entew :3 MONTJOY + +MONTJOY. Once m-mowe I come t-to knyow of thee, King Hawwy, +If fow *giggles shyly* thy wansom thou wiwt nyow compound, +*sighs* Befowe thy most assuwed ovewthwow; +Fow cewtainwy t-thou awt so nyeaw the guwf +Thou *notices bulge* nyeeds *giggles shyly* must be engwutted. Besides, in mewcy, +The constabwe d-desiwes thee thou :33 wiwt *moans* mind +Thy fowwowews of wepentance, that theiw souws +May make a p-peacefuw and a sweet wetiwe +F-Fwom off these fiewds, whewe, wwetches, theiw poow b-bodies +Must wie *pokes you* and festew. +KING *leans over* HENWY. Who hath sent thee *shuffles closer* nyow? +MONTJOY. *screams* The Constabwe of Fwance. +KING uWu HENWY. I-I p-pway *sighs* thee beaw my f-fowmew answew back: +Bid ;;w;; them achieve me, >_< and then seww my bonyes. +Good *looks at you* God! why ^-^ shouwd they m-mock ^-^ poow fewwows *giggles shyly* thus? +The m-man that once did seww *leans over* the *screams* wion's skin +Whiwe the beast wiv'd was kiww'd with *leans over* hunting him. +A many *sweats* of ouw bodies *sighs* shaww n-nyo doubt +Find nyative gwaves; upon the which, OwO I twust, +Shaww witnyess wive in bwass of this day's wowk. +And those t-that weave uWu theiw >_> vawiant bonyes in Fwance, +Dying w-wike men, t-though buwied in youw ^-^ dunghiwws, +They shaww be f-fam'd; fow thewe t-the *notices bulge* sun shaww gweet them +And dwaw theiw honyouws weeking up to heaven, +Weaving theiw eawthwy pawts to choke youw c-cwime, +T-The smeww w-wheweof shaww *sighs* bweed a p-pwague in Fwance. +Mawk then *notices bulge* abounding vawouw *sighs* in ouw Engwish, +That, being ;;w;; dead, wike t-to *looks away* the buwwet's gwazing +Bweak out into a-a s-second couwse of mischief, +*giggles shyly* Kiwwing in wewapse of *hugs tightly* mowtawity. +Wet me speak p-pwoudwy: teww the Constabwe +We awe :3 but wawwiows fow the wowking-day; +Ouw gaynyess and *blushes* ouw giwt awe a-aww b-besmiwch'd +With *twerks* wainy mawching in the painfuw fiewd; +Thewe's nyot a piece of feathew i-in ouw host- +Good awgument, *moans* I ^.^ hope, *looks away* we *cuddles you* wiww nyot fwy- +And time hath wown us into swovenwy. +But, by t-the mass, ouw heawts awe in the twim; +And >w< my poow sowdiews teww me yet ewe nyight +OwO They'ww *shuffles closer* be in fweshew ^-^ wobes, ow *twerks* they wiww p-pwuck +The :33 gay nyew *cries* coats *screams* o'ew the F-Fwench sowdiews' heads +And tuwn them out of sewvice. >_> If t-they do this- +A-As, if *pokes you* God pwease, t-they >w< shaww- uWu my wansom then +Wiww s-soon be wevied. Hewawd, save thou thy wabouw; +Come thou nyo mowe fow w-wansom, g-gentwe hewawd; +They shaww have nyonye, I s-sweaw, but these m-my *sighs* joints; +W-Which if *notices bulge* they have, a-as I wiww weave '-'em them, +S-Shaww yiewd them wittwe, teww the Constabwe. +MONTJOY. I shaww, King Hawwy. And so f-fawe thee weww: +Thou nyevew shawt heaw hewawd any mowe. ^w^ Exit +KING HENWY. I-I feaw thou wiwt once m-mowe come again fow a UwU wansom. + +Entew the DUKE O-OF *looks at you* YOWK + +YOWK. My wowd, most humbwy on my k-knyee I beg +*looks at you* The weading of the vawawd. +*shuffles closer* KING HENWY. Take it, bwave Yowk. Nyow, sowdiews, mawch >w< away; +And h-how thou p-pweasest, God, dispose *blushes* the day! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE IV. +The f-fiewd of battwe + +*looks away* Awawum. Excuwsions. Entew FWENCH SOWDIEW, PISTOW, and BOY + +PISTOW. Yiewd, *cries* cuw! +FWENCH SOWDIEW. Je pense que vous etes we gentiwhomme de *teleports behind you* bonnye +quawite. +*hugs tightly* PISTOW. Cawity! uWu Cawen o-o custuwe me! Awt thou a gentweman? +What is thy n-nyame? Discuss. +FWENCH SOWDIEW. O Seignyeuw Dieu! +PISTOW. O-O, Signyieuw Dew shouwd be a-a gentweman. +Pewpend my wowds, O-O Signyieuw Dew, and mawk: +O Signyieuw Dew, t-thou diest o-on point of fox, +Except, O Signyieuw, t-thou d-do g-give to me +E-Egwegious OwO wansom. +FWENCH SOWDIEW. O, OwO pwenyez misewicowde; a-ayez pitie de moi! +PISTOW. Moy shaww *screams* nyot sewve; I wiww have fowty uWu moys; +Ow I wiww *looks away* fetch thy wim out at thy thwoat +I-In d-dwops o-of cwimson *cries* bwood. +FWENCH SOWDIEW. Est-iw impossibwe d'echappew wa f-fowce de ton bwas? +^w^ PISTOW. >w< Bwass, cuw? +Thou damnyed and wuxuwious mountain-goat, +Offew'st me bwass? +FWENCH SOWDIEW. *hugs tightly* O, pawdonnyez-moi! +PISTOW. Say'st thou me so? Is that a ton of moys? +Come *sweats* hithew, boy; ask me this swave in Fwench +x3 What is his nyame. +BOY. Ecoutez: comment *moans* etes-vous appewe? +F-FWENCH SOWDIEW. Monsieuw we F-Few. +BOY. He says his nyame is Mastew Few. +PISTOW. Mastew F-Few! I'ww few him, and fiwk him, and fewwet him- +discuss the same in *notices bulge* Fwench unto him. +BOY. I do nyot knyow the Fwench fow f-few, and fewwet, and fiwk. +PISTOW. Bid him pwepawe; fow I wiww cut ^w^ his *cries* thwoat. +FWENCH S-SOWDIEW. Que dit-iw, *cuddles you* monsieuw? +BOY. Iw me commande a *looks away* vous :3 diwe q-que vous f-faites *teleports behind you* vous *leans over* pwet; caw ce +sowdat ici est dispose tout a cette heuwe d-de coupew votwe gowge. +P-PISTOW. Owy, cuppewe gowge, pewmafoy! +P-Peasant, unwess thou give me cwowns, *shuffles closer* bwave cwowns; +*hugs tightly* Ow m-mangwed shawt *sweats* thou be b-by this my swowd. +FWENCH SOWDIEW. O, je vous suppwie, pouw w'amouw de Dieu, me +p-pawdonnyew! Je s-suis gentiwhomme de bonnye maison. Gawdez ma vie, et +je vous donnyewai deux cents ecus. +P-PISTOW. What awe h-his w-wowds? +B-BOY. He pways you to save h-his wife; *screams* he is *cuddles you* a gentweman of *notices bulge* a good +:3 house, and *leans over* fow his wansom he wiww give y-you two hundwed cwowns. +PISTOW. Teww him my fuwy shaww abate, and I +The cwowns w-wiww take. +FWENCH SOWDIEW. Petit monsieuw, que dit-iw? +*notices bulge* BOY. Encowe *cries* qu'iw est *moans* contwe son juwement d-de pawdonnyew aucun +pwisonnyiew, nyeamnyoins, pouw wes ecus que v-vous w'avez pwomis, iw +est content *teleports behind you* a *shuffles closer* vous donnyew wa wibewte, w-we fwanchisement. +>_< FWENCH SOWDIEW. Suw mes *screams* genyoux je vous donnye miwwe w-wemewcimens; et +je m'estime heuweux que je suis tombe e-entwe wes mains d'un +chevawiew, je pense, we pwus bwave, v-vaiwwant, et twes distingue +seignyeuw d-d'Angwetewwe. +PISTOW. Expound unto me, boy. +BOY. He gives you, upon his knyees, a thousand thanks; and he +esteems himsewf happy that *cuddles you* he h-hath ^w^ faww'n i-into the :33 hands of o-onye- +as he thinks- the m-most bwave, v-vawowous, and thwice-wowthy +signyieuw of Engwand. +*giggles shyly* PISTOW. As I suck bwood, I wiww *pokes you* some m-mewcy show. +Fowwow me. Exit +>_> BOY. *notices bulge* Suivez-vous we g-gwand c-capitainye. Exit FWENCH SOWDIEW +I *notices bulge* did nyevew knyow s-so *pokes you* fuww a voice issue fwom so empty a h-heawt; but +the saying is twue- the empty vessew makes the gweatest sound. +Bawdowph and Nym had ten times mowe vawouw than ^w^ this woawing +deviw i' th' o-owd ^.^ pway, that *shuffles closer* evewy onye may pawe his >w< nyaiws with a +wooden daggew; a-and *screams* they awe both hang'd; and so wouwd this *looks at you* be, if +he duwst steaw anything adventuwouswy. I-I >w< must stay with the +wackeys, with t-the wuggage of ouw camp. The Fwench might h-have *blushes* a +*giggles shyly* good pwey of us, i-if >w< he knyew of *screams* it; fow thewe is nyonye to g-guawd it +but boys. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE V. +Anyothew pawt of the fiewd of battwe + +Entew C-CONSTABWE, OWWEANS, BOUWBON, DAUPHIN, *screams* and WAMBUWES + +CONSTABWE. *pokes you* O diabwe! +OWWEANS. O *sighs* Seignyeuw! we jouw est pewdu, tout est pewdu! +DAUPHIN. Mowt Dieu, ma >w< vie! aww is confounded, *notices bulge* aww! +*teleports behind you* Wepwoach *shuffles closer* and evewwasting shame +Sits mocking in ouw x3 pwumes. [A s-showt awawum] +O mechante fowtunye! Do nyot wun away. +CONSTABWE. Why, an ouw wanks awe b-bwoke. +DAUPHIN. O pewduwabwe shame! W-Wet's stab *shuffles closer* ouwsewves. +Be these the *blushes* wwetches that *leans over* we pway'd at dice fow? +OWWEANS. Is this t-the king *sweats* we sent t-to fow uWu his wansom? +*giggles shyly* BOUWBON. Shame, and ^-^ etewnyaw shame, nyothing but *giggles shyly* shame! +Wet us *giggles shyly* die in honyouw: once mowe back >w< again; +^w^ And he that wiww *blushes* nyot fowwow Bouwbon >_> nyow, +Wet him go hence *screams* and, with his *hugs tightly* cap in hand +Wike a base pandew, howd the chambew-doow +*sighs* Whiwst by a ^-^ swave, nyo gendew than my dog, +His faiwest *blushes* daughtew is c-contaminyated. +CONSTABWE. *hugs tightly* Disowdew, that h-hath spoiw'd us, fwiend us *hugs tightly* nyow! +Wet us on heaps go offew up ouw wives. +O-OWWEANS. We awe enyow yet wiving in the *moans* fiewd +To smothew ^-^ up the E-Engwish *screams* in ouw thwongs, +*giggles shyly* If any owdew m-might be t-thought upon. +*teleports behind you* BOUWBON. *hugs tightly* The deviw *blushes* take owdew xDD nyow! I'ww to *sighs* the thwong. +Wet wife be showt, e-ewse shame wiww b-be too wong. Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE VI. +Anyothew pawt o-of the fiewd + +Awawum. Entew *teleports behind you* the KING and his twain, with >_< pwisonyews; *blushes* EXETEW, *pokes you* and othews + +KING HENWY. Weww have w-we donye, t-thwice-vawiant countwymen; +But >_> aww's n-nyot donye- yet keep the Fwench t-the :33 fiewd. +EXETEW. The Duke of Y-Yowk commends him t-to youw Majesty. +KING HENWY. Wives he, good :33 uncwe? T-Thwice within this houw +:3 I s-saw him down; thwice u-up again, and :3 fighting; +Fwom hewmet to t-the spuw aww *looks at you* bwood he was. +EXETEW. In which awway, b-bwave sowdiew, doth he wie +Wawding t-the pwain; and by his bwoody *looks away* side, +Yoke-fewwow to his h-honyouw-owing wounds, +The nyobwe Eaww of *pokes you* Suffowk awso wies. +*shuffles closer* Suffowk f-fiwst died; *sweats* and Yowk, aww >_> haggwed *giggles shyly* ovew, +Comes to *screams* him, whewe in gowe he way insteeped, +And t-takes him by x3 the *looks away* beawd, kisses *leans over* the gashes +That b-bwoodiwy did yawn upon *giggles shyly* his face, +He cwies awoud 'Tawwy, my cousin Suffowk. +My souw shaww t-thinye k-keep ;;w;; company to >_< heaven; +Tawwy, s-sweet souw, fow minye, then fwy *notices bulge* abweast; +As ;;w;; in t-this gwowious OwO and weww-foughten fiewd +We kept togethew i-in ouw c-chivawwy.' +*blushes* Upon t-these wowds I-I ^w^ came and cheew'd him up; +He smiw'd me in the face, waught me his xDD hand, +And, with *sweats* a feebwe gwip, ^.^ says 'Deaw my wowd, +Commend my sewvice t-to my soveweign.' +So did he tuwn, a-and ^w^ ovew Suffowk's nyeck +He thwew his wounded awm and kiss'd his wips; +And so, espous'd to death, OwO with bwood h-he *blushes* seaw'd +*twerks* A *screams* testament of nyobwe-ending wove. +The p-pwetty and sweet mannyew of it *hugs tightly* fowc'd +T-Those w-watews fwom me which I *pokes you* wouwd have s-stopp'd; +B-But I *cries* had nyot so much of man in me, +A-And aww my *giggles shyly* mothew came into minye *shuffles closer* eyes +And gave me up to teaws. +KING HENWY. I bwame *pokes you* you nyot; +Fow, h-heawing this, I-I must p-pewfowce compound +With ^w^ mistfuw e-eyes, ow they wiww issue too. *cries* [Awawum] +But hawk! w-what nyew ^-^ awawum is this same? +The Fwench have weinfowc'd :3 theiw s-scattew'd *cuddles you* men. +Then evewy s-sowdiew kiww his pwisonyews; +G-Give :33 the wowd thwough. UwU Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VII. +Anyothew pawt of the fiewd + +Entew FWUEWWEN *screams* and x3 GOWEW + +*shuffles closer* FWUEWWEN. Kiww the poys and the wuggage! 'Tis expwesswy against *leans over* the +w-waw of awms; *teleports behind you* 'tis as awwant a piece of knyavewy, mawk you *notices bulge* nyow, as +can *screams* be offewt; i-in y-youw conscience, nyow, is it nyot? +GOWEW. 'Tis cewtain thewe's nyot a boy weft awive; and OwO the cowawdwy +wascaws that w-wan fwom the battwe ha' donye this swaughtew; +b-besides, they have buwnyed *cuddles you* and :3 cawwied away aww that was in the +King's t-tent; whewefowe the *teleports behind you* King most wowthiwy hath xDD caus'd evewy +s-sowdiew to cut his pwisonyew's thwoat. O, '-'tis a gawwant King! +FWUEWWEN. Ay, *twerks* he was p-pown at Monmouth, C-Captain Gowew. What caww you +the town's nyame whewe Awexandew the Pig was uWu bown? +GOWEW. Awexandew the Gweat. +FWUEWWEN. W-Why, I pway you, is UwU nyot 'pig' gweat? The *blushes* pig, ow gweat, +ow the mighty, ow xDD the huge, *notices bulge* ow t-the magnyanyimous, awe aww o-onye +OwO weckonyings, save the p-phwase is a wittwe vawiations. +GOWEW. I think Awexandew the *hugs tightly* Gweat was bown in Macedon; his fathew +was cawwed Phiwip of *moans* Macedon, as I *twerks* take it. +FWUEWWEN. I think it is in *sighs* Macedon whewe Awexandew is *shuffles closer* pown. I teww +you, Captain, *looks at you* if you *twerks* wook in the maps of the 'owwd, I-I wawwant you +saww find, in the compawisons between Macedon a-and Monmouth, that +the situations, wook you, is both awike. T-Thewe ^.^ is a wivew in +M-Macedon; and thewe is awso moweovew a wivew at Monmouth; it is +caww'd Wye *pokes you* at Monmouth, b-but it is out of my pwains what is the +nyame of *cries* the othew wivew; but 'tis aww onye, 'tis awike as my +fingews is to my f-fingews, and t-thewe is sawmons in b-both. If >_> you +mawk Awexandew's wife weww, Hawwy of Monmouth's wife is x3 come +aftew it i-indiffewent weww; fow t-thewe is figuwes *teleports behind you* in aww things. +A-Awexandew- God knyows, and you xDD knyow- in his wages, and his *looks away* fuwies, +and his w-wwaths, and his chowews, and his moods, and his +dispweasuwes, and his indignyations, and awso being a wittwe +*sweats* intoxicates in his pwains, did, in h-his awes and his angews, ^.^ wook +you, k-kiww h-his best fwiend, *looks away* Cweitus. +GOWEW. Ouw :3 king is *giggles shyly* nyot *hugs tightly* wike him *cuddles you* in *leans over* that: he nyevew kiww'd any of his +fwiends. +FWUEWWEN. It is nyot UwU weww donye, mawk you n-nyow, to t-take the tawes out +o-of m-my mouth ewe it is made and finyished. I speak but in the +figuwes :33 and compawisons of *moans* it; as Awexandew kiww'd :33 his fwiend +Cweitus, being in his awes and his cups, *teleports behind you* so awso Hawwy Monmouth, +being *notices bulge* in his wight wits :3 and his *blushes* good judgments, :3 tuwn'd away the +fat knyight with the *sweats* gweat bewwy doubwet; he was fuww of jests, +and gipes, and >_< knyavewies, a-and mocks; I have fowgot his nyame. +G-GOWEW. Siw John Fawstaff. +FWUEWWEN. That is he. I'ww teww you thewe is good m-men pown at +Monmouth. +G-GOWEW. Hewe comes his Majesty. + +Awawum. *blushes* Entew the KING, WAWWICK, G-GWOUCESTEW, +*notices bulge* EXETEW, and othews, w-with pwisonyews. F-Fwouwish + +KING HENWY. I was nyot angwy since *twerks* I c-came to Fwance +xDD Untiw this instant. T-Take >w< a t-twumpet, xDD hewawd, +Wide thou unto t-the *cuddles you* howsemen on yond hiww; +If they wiww fight *sweats* with us, bid them come down +>_< Ow v-void the f-fiewd; they do o-offend o-ouw sight. +If they'ww do nyeithew, xDD we wiww come to them +And make them skiww away as swift as stonyes +Enfowced fwom the owd Assywian swings; +Besides, we'ww *looks at you* cut the thwoats of those we have, +And *shuffles closer* nyot a man of them that we shaww take +Shaww taste ouw mewcy. Go >w< and teww them so. + +Entew MONTJOY + +>_> EXETEW. *looks away* Hewe >_< comes the hewawd o-of *hugs tightly* the Fwench, my wiege. +GWOUCESTEW. His eyes *hugs tightly* awe humbwew than they *sighs* us'd to be. +KING HENWY. How *giggles shyly* nyow! What m-means this, hewawd? knyow'st *moans* thou nyot +That I-I have fin'd these bonyes >_< of xDD minye fow x3 wansom? +Com'st thou again fow *screams* wansom? +MONTJOY. Nyo, gweat King; +I come to thee *blushes* fow c-chawitabwe wicence, +That we may wandew o-o'ew this b-bwoody fiewd +To book ouw dead, and t-then to buwy them; +To sowt ouw ^-^ nyobwes fwom ouw common men; +Fow many of ouw pwinces- woe the whiwe!- +Wie dwown'd x3 and *teleports behind you* soak'd in ^w^ mewcenyawy bwood; +So do ouw vuwgaw dwench theiw peasant wimbs +In bwood o-of ^-^ pwinces; and theiw wounded steeds +Fwet fetwock deep in gowe, and w-with wiwd wage +Yewk out theiw awmed heews a-at >_< theiw dead *cuddles you* mastews, +Kiwwing them twice. O, *sighs* give us weave, gweat King, +To view t-the fiewd in safety, and dispose +O-Of theiw dead UwU bodies! +KING HENWY. I t-teww thee twuwy, hewawd, +I knyow nyot if the *looks at you* day be ouws ow nyo; +Fow yet a many x3 of y-youw *leans over* howsemen *cuddles you* peew +A-And gawwop o'ew t-the fiewd. +MONTJOY. The day *blushes* is y-youws. +KING HENWY. Pwaised be God, a-and nyot *pokes you* ouw stwength, fow it! +W-What is t-this castwe caww'd that stands hawd by? +MONTJOY. They c-caww >_> it Agincouwt. +KING HENWY. Then c-caww ^w^ we t-this the fiewd of Agincouwt, +Fought o-on the day of Cwispin Cwispianyus. +FWUEWWEN. Youw gwandfathew of famous memowy, x3 an't pwease youw +Majesty, and youw gweat-uncwe Edwawd the Pwack Pwince of W-Wawes, +as I have wead in the chwonyicwes, fought a most pwave pattwe hewe +i-in Fwance. +KING HENWY. They did, Fwuewwen. +FWUEWWEN. Youw Majesty says vewy twue; if *leans over* youw Majesties is +wememb'wed of it, the W-Wewshmen did good s-sewvice in gawden whewe +weeks did gwow, weawing weeks in theiw ^w^ Monmouth caps; which youw +Majesty knyow to this h-houw is an honyouwabwe badge of the sewvice; +and I do bewieve youw UwU Majesty t-takes nyo scown to w-weaw *sweats* the week +u-upon Saint Tavy's day. +K-KING HENWY. I weaw it fow a memowabwe honyouw; +Fow I am Wewsh, you knyow, *looks away* good countwyman. +*leans over* FWUEWWEN. A-Aww the watew in Wye cannyot wash youw Majesty's Wewsh +pwood out of youw pody, I c-can teww *cries* you that. Got pwess it and +p-pwesewve it as *sweats* wong *looks away* as x3 it *hugs tightly* pweases his Gwace a-and his Majesty too! +KING *looks away* HENWY. Thanks, good my countwyman. +*cuddles you* FWUEWWEN. By Jeshu, *sweats* I a-am *cuddles you* youw Majesty's countwyman, cawe nyot *twerks* who +knyow *cries* it; ^-^ I wiww confess it to aww the 'owwd: I nyeed nyot *moans* be +asham'd *sighs* of youw Majesty, pwaised *cuddles you* be Got, so wong ;;w;; as y-youw Majesty +is *looks at you* an honyest m-man. + +E-Entew W-WIWWIAMS + +KING HENWY. God keep me so! Ouw hewawds go with him: +Bwing me uWu just nyotice of UwU the nyumbews dead +On both ouw pawts. Caww yondew ^-^ fewwow hithew. +Exeunt hewawds with MONTJOY +EXETEW. Sowdiew, you m-must come to the King. +*pokes you* KING HENWY. xDD Sowdiew, why weaw'st thou *giggles shyly* that gwove in thy cap? +WIWWIAMS. A-An't pwease youw Majesty, '-'tis *screams* the *screams* gage of onye that I-I +shouwd fight withaw, if he be awive. +KING HENWY. An Engwishman? +W-WIWWIAMS. An't pwease UwU youw Majesty, a wascaw that swaggew'd with me +wast nyight; who, if '-'a w-wive ;;w;; and e-evew dawe to chawwenge t-this +gwove, I have swown to take *sighs* him a-a box o' th' e-eaw; ow i-if I can see +m-my g-gwove in ;;w;; his *hugs tightly* cap- which he swowe, as h-he was a sowdiew, he +wouwd weaw if awive- I *twerks* wiww stwike it o-out soundwy. +KING H-HENWY. What t-think you, ^w^ Captain *moans* Fwuewwen, is it fit this +*sweats* sowdiew keep h-his o-oath? +OwO FWUEWWEN. He is a *looks at you* cwaven and a *sweats* viwwain uWu ewse, *notices bulge* an't pwease youw +Majesty, in my conscience. +KING HENWY. It may be his enyemy is a gentwemen of gweat sowt, q-quite +fwom t-the answew of >_< his degwee. +FWUEWWEN. Though he b-be as good a gentweman as t-the Deviw is, as +Wucifiew and B-Bewzebub himsewf, *sighs* it is *notices bulge* nyecessawy, wook youw Gwace, +UwU that he keep h-his vow and his x3 oath; *cuddles you* if he be pewjuw'd, *blushes* see *sighs* you +nyow, his weputation is *blushes* as awwant a viwwain and *hugs tightly* a Jacksauce as +evew his bwack shoe twod upon God's gwound and his eawth, ;;w;; in my +c-conscience, wa. +KING H-HENWY. Then uWu keep thy vow, siwwah, when thou meet'st *moans* the +fewwow. +WIWWIAMS. So I xDD Wiww, m-my :3 wiege, as I *moans* wive. +KING HENWY. Who *looks away* sewv'st thou undew? +WIWWIAMS. Undew Captain Gowew, my wiege. +F-FWUEWWEN. Gowew is a-a good captain, and is good knyowwedge ^w^ and +witewatuwed in t-the *looks at you* waws. +K-KING HENWY. Caww *blushes* him xDD hithew to me, sowdiew. +WIWWIAMS. I w-wiww, my wiege. Exit +KING HENWY. Hewe, Fwuewwen; weaw thou this *twerks* favouw fow m-me, *moans* and stick +it in thy cap; *teleports behind you* when Awencon *moans* and mysewf wewe d-down togethew, I +pwuck'd this gwove fwom his hewm. If *sighs* any man chawwenge this, he +:33 is a f-fwiend to x3 Awencon and ;;w;; an enyemy ^w^ to *moans* ouw *sweats* pewson; if thou +encountew >_< any such, appwehend h-him, an thou dost me wove. +FWUEWWEN. Youw Gwace does me as gweat *cries* honyouws a-as can be desiw'd in +;;w;; the heawts of his subjects. I-I wouwd f-fain see the man that has but +two wegs that shaww find himsewf a-aggwief'd :3 at this gwove, that is +aww; but >w< I wouwd fain see it once, a-an pwease God of h-his gwace +that I might see. +KING HENWY. Knyow'st thou Gowew? +FWUEWWEN. He *cuddles you* is my deaw fwiend, an pwease you. +KING H-HENWY. Pway t-thee, *pokes you* go seek him, and bwing him to my tent. +*giggles shyly* FWUEWWEN. I wiww fetch him. Exit +KING HENWY. My Wowd of Wawwick and my bwothew Gwoucestew, +*sighs* Fowwow F-Fwuewwen cwosewy *looks at you* at the heews; +The gwove which I have given him *pokes you* fow a favouw +May hapwy puwchase *looks away* him a box o' t-th' eaw. +It is t-the sowdiew's: I, by b-bawgain, shouwd +Weaw it m-mysewf. Fowwow, good cousin Wawwick; +If that t-the sowdiew stwike him, :33 as I judge +By his bwunt beawing he wiww *cuddles you* keep his >w< wowd, +Some sudden m-mischief may awise of it; +Fow I do knyow Fwuewwen vawiant, +And touch'd with chowew, hot as gunpowdew, +xDD And quickwy wiww *blushes* wetuwn an injuwy; +Fowwow, a-and see t-thewe be nyo hawm between them. +Go you with m-me, uncwe of Exetew. Exeunt + + + + +*leans over* SCENyE VIII. +*twerks* Befowe KING HENWY'S PAVIWION + +E-Entew GOWEW and W-WIWWIAMS + +WIWWIAMS. I wawwant it is to knyight you, ;;w;; Captain. + +Entew FWUEWWEN + +FWUEWWEN. God's wiww and his pweasuwe, Captain, I beseech you nyow, +*looks at you* come a-apace to the King: *twerks* thewe is mowe good t-towawd you +pewadventuwe *blushes* than is in youw knyowwedge to dweam of. +W-WIWWIAMS. Siw, knyow you t-this gwove? +FWUEWWEN. ^-^ Knyow the *sweats* gwove? *screams* I knyow the gwove is a g-gwove. +WIWWIAMS. I knyow this; and thus I-I chawwenge it. [Stwikes :33 him] +FWUEWWEN. 'Sbwood, an awwant twaitow as a-any's in the ^-^ unyivewsaw +wowwd, ow in Fwance, ow in *cries* Engwand! +GOWEW. How nyow, siw! you viwwain! +WIWWIAMS. Do you *sighs* think I'ww be fowswown? +;;w;; FWUEWWEN. Stand a-away, Captain Gowew; I wiww give tweason his +OwO payment >w< into pwows, I :3 wawwant you. +WIWWIAMS. I am *shuffles closer* nyo twaitow. +FWUEWWEN. T-That's a w-wie in thy t-thwoat. I chawge you in his M-Majesty's +nyame, appwehend him: he's a fwiend of the D-Duke Awencon's. + +Entew *giggles shyly* WAWWICK and GWOUCESTEW + +WAWWICK. How n-nyow! how n-nyow! what's the mattew? +*looks away* FWUEWWEN. My W-Wowd of Wawwick, hewe is- pwaised b-be UwU God *teleports behind you* fow i-it!- a +x3 most contagious tweason c-come to wight, wook you, OwO as you shaww +desiwe in a summew's day. Hewe is *shuffles closer* his Majesty. + +Entew the KING and EXETEW + +K-KING HENWY. How nyow! *leans over* what's the mattew? +*shuffles closer* FWUEWWEN. M-My *giggles shyly* wiege, hewe UwU is a viwwain and a twaitow, t-that, w-wook +youw Gwace, has stwuck ^w^ the gwove w-which youw Majesty is >_> take *hugs tightly* out +of the hewmet of *shuffles closer* Awencon. +WIWWIAMS. My wiege, ^-^ this was :3 my gwove: hewe is the f-fewwow of it; +and he that I gave it t-to in change pwomis'd to weaw it in h-his +*leans over* cap; I pwomis'd to stwike him *sighs* if he did; I met this m-man with my +*looks at you* gwove in h-his *cuddles you* cap, and I have UwU been as good as my wowd. +F-FWUEWWEN. Youw Majesty *looks away* heaw nyow, s-saving y-youw Majesty's manhood, +what an awwant, w-wascawwy, beggawwy, wousy knyave it is; I hope +youw Majesty is peaw me testimony and witnyess, and wiww +avouchment, that this is the gwove of Awencon that youw Majesty +is give me; *sighs* in OwO youw conscience, nyow. +KING HENWY. Give me thy gwove, sowdiew; w-wook, hewe is *hugs tightly* the fewwow of +*hugs tightly* it. +'Twas *sweats* I, indeed, thou *looks at you* pwomised'st to stwike, +A-And thou hast given me m-most *notices bulge* bittew tewms. +F-FWUEWWEN. An pwease youw *looks at you* Majesty, w-wet his nyeck answew fow it, if +thewe is any ;;w;; mawtiaw waw OwO in t-the wowwd. +;;w;; KING H-HENWY. How canst thou make m-me s-satisfaction? +W-WIWWIAMS. Aww offences, >_< my wowd, *giggles shyly* come fwom the heawt; ;;w;; nyevew came +any f-fwom *hugs tightly* minye OwO that might >_> offend youw x3 Majesty. +KING HENWY. It was ouwsewf thou d-didst abuse. +*screams* WIWWIAMS. Youw Majesty came nyot wike y-youwsewf: xDD you appeaw'd t-to me +but *notices bulge* as *twerks* a common m-man; witnyess the nyight, youw g-gawments, youw +wowwinyess; and what youw H-Highnyess suffew'd undew *pokes you* that shape I +beseech you take i-it fow *notices bulge* youw own fauwt, and nyot ;;w;; minye; *pokes you* fow had you +x3 been as I-I took you fow, *pokes you* I made nyo offence; *twerks* thewefowe, I beseech +y-youw Highnyess *sweats* pawdon me. +KING HENWY. *pokes you* Hewe, uncwe Exetew, fiww this gwove with cwowns, +And g-give it to *twerks* this fewwow. Keep i-it, fewwow; +And *screams* weaw it f-fow *cries* an honyouw i-in thy c-cap +Tiww *looks away* I d-do chawwenge it. G-Give *hugs tightly* him the *teleports behind you* cwowns; +And, Captain, you must nyeeds *sweats* be f-fwiends *hugs tightly* with him. +F-FWUEWWEN. B-By OwO this ;;w;; day and t-this wight, t-the fewwow has m-mettwe enyough +*sighs* in ^-^ his *pokes you* bewwy: howd, t-thewe is twewve pence fow you; and *hugs tightly* I pway you +to sewve G-God, and ^w^ keep y-you out *sweats* of pwawws, a-and pwabbwes, *shuffles closer* and +quawwews, and dissensions, *leans over* and, I wawwant y-you, *looks away* it is the OwO bettew +fow y-you. +WIWWIAMS. I *giggles shyly* wiww nyonye ^-^ of youw monyey. +FWUEWWEN. >_< It is with a g-good wiww; *teleports behind you* I can *sweats* teww you it wiww sewve you +to mend youw shoes. Come, *screams* whewefowe shouwd you be so pashfuw? +*blushes* Youw :33 shoes i-is n-nyot *sighs* so good. 'Tis a good siwwing, I ^w^ wawwant you, ow +I OwO wiww change it. + +Entew an ENGWISH *shuffles closer* HEWAWD + +*looks away* KING HENWY. Nyow, hewawd, awe the dead nyumb'wed? +^-^ HEWAWD. Hewe *screams* is the nyumbew of the swaught'wed x3 Fwench. +[Gives a p-papew] +:3 KING HENWY. What pwisonyews of good sowt >_> awe taken, uncwe? +EXETEW. Chawwes Duke of Owweans, xDD nyephew to the King; +John Duke of Bouwbon, a-and Wowd Bouciquawt; +Of othew *leans over* wowds a-and bawons, *cuddles you* knyights and s-squiwes, +Fuww fifteen hundwed, besides common men. +KING HENWY. This *teleports behind you* nyote d-doth teww me of *cuddles you* ten thousand Fwench +That i-in the fiewd wie swain; of pwinces in this n-nyumbew, +And nyobwes beawing bannyews, thewe w-wie dead +O-Onye >w< hundwed *twerks* twenty-six; added to these, +Of knyights, esquiwes, and gawwant uWu gentwemen, +Eight thousand and fouw hundwed; of the which +*blushes* Five hundwed UwU wewe *teleports behind you* but >_< yestewday dubb'd k-knyights. +So that, in xDD these ten thousand t-they have wost, +Thewe awe but sixteen hundwed mewcenyawies; +The west a-awe p-pwinces, bawons, wowds, knyights, *notices bulge* squiwes, +And g-gentwemen of bwood UwU and quawity. +The *blushes* nyames of those theiw nyobwes x3 that :3 wie dead: +Chawwes D-Dewabweth, High Constabwe of Fwance; +Jaques of Chatiwwon, Admiwaw *twerks* of Fwance; +The mastew of the cwoss-bows, Wowd *leans over* Wambuwes; +Gweat Mastew of F-Fwance, the bwave :33 Siw Guichawd Dowphin; +John *cuddles you* Duke of Awencon; Antony Duke of Bwabant, +The bwothew to *giggles shyly* the Duke of Buwgundy; +And :33 Edwawd Duke >_< of Baw. *giggles shyly* Of wusty eawws, +Gwandpwe *leans over* and Woussi, Fauconbwidge and Foix, +B-Beaumont and Mawwe, Vaudemont a-and Westwake. +Hewe was *hugs tightly* a woyaw fewwowship of death! +Whewe is the nyumbew of ouw E-Engwish dead? +[HEWAWD pwesents anyothew p-papew] +Edwawd the Duke of *notices bulge* Yowk, the Eaww of Suffowk, +Siw Wichawd Kikewy, Davy Gam, Esquiwe; +Nyonye ewse of nyame; and of a-aww *looks away* othew men +But five >_< and twenty. O God, thy awm w-was hewe! +And *notices bulge* nyot to us, but to thy awm a-awonye, +Ascwibe w-we aww. *pokes you* When, w-without stwatagem, +*twerks* But in pwain shock a-and even pway o-of battwe, +Was evew knyown so gweat and wittwe *pokes you* wos +On onye pawt and on th' ^w^ othew? Take it, *sweats* God, +Fow it i-is nyonye b-but thinye. +EXETEW. 'Tis *cuddles you* wondewfuw! +KING HENWY. Come, go we in pwocession to the viwwage; +And b-be it *sweats* death pwocwaimed thwough ouw host +T-To boast of this ow take that pwaise f-fwom God +W-Which is *looks at you* his o-onwy. +FWUEWWEN. Is it nyot wawfuw, an *leans over* pwease y-youw Majesty, to teww how +many i-is kiww'd? +KING HENWY. Yes, *teleports behind you* Captain; but *notices bulge* with :33 this acknyowwedgment, +T-That *moans* God fought fow u-us. +FWUEWWEN. Yes, *sweats* my conscience, OwO he did us gweat good. +^-^ KING H-HENWY. Do we >_< aww howy wites: +Wet thewe be sung 'Nyon uWu nyobis' *looks at you* and 'Te Deum'; +The dead w-with chawity encwos'd in cway- +And then to C-Cawais; and to x3 Engwand then; +Whewe nye'ew fwom Fwance awwiv'd m-mowe h-happy ^-^ men. Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +ACT V-V. PWOWOGUE. + +Entew CHOWUS + +CHOWUS. Vouchsafe t-to >w< those t-that have nyot wead the stowy +That I :33 may pwompt them; *moans* and of s-such a-as have, +I-I humbwy pway them UwU to *hugs tightly* admit th' :3 excuse +Of time, OwO of nyumbews, and due couwse *screams* of t-things, +Which cannyot in theiw *moans* huge and :33 pwopew wife +Be UwU hewe *hugs tightly* pwesented. N-Nyow we beaw the King +Towawd Cawais. Gwant him thewe. Thewe seen, +Heave him away *notices bulge* upon youw winged *hugs tightly* thoughts +Athwawt the sea. Behowd, the Engwish beach +Pawes *looks at you* in the fwood w-with *looks at you* men, *shuffles closer* with ;;w;; wives, and boys, +Whose shouts and cwaps out-voice *leans over* the deep-mouth'd uWu sea, +Which, wike *giggles shyly* a mighty whiffwew, fowe the King +Seems to *sighs* pwepawe his w-way. So *looks away* wet him wand, +And sowemnwy see him set on t-to Wondon. +*sighs* So swift a pace hath thought that even nyow +*notices bulge* You may imaginye him upon Bwackheath; +Whewe that his wowds desiwe him to have *pokes you* bownye +His bwuised hewmet and his *leans over* bended swowd +Befowe h-him thwough the c-city. H-He fowbids it, +Being fwee fwom vainnyess and sewf-gwowious pwide; +Giving fuww twophy, *hugs tightly* signyaw, and ostent, +Quite fwom himsewf to God. But n-nyow behowd +In t-the quick f-fowge *shuffles closer* and wowking-house of thought, +How Wondon d-doth pouw out h-hew c-citizens! +The *cuddles you* mayow *twerks* and aww his bwethwen in best sowt- +*leans over* Wike to the senyatows of th' antique Wome, +With t-the pwebeians swawming at theiw *looks at you* heews- +G-Go fowth and fetch theiw c-conqu'wing Caesaw in; +As, b-by a ^w^ wowew but *cries* woving wikewihood, +Wewe n-nyow *leans over* the Genyewaw of ouw gwacious Empwess- +As *hugs tightly* in xDD good *blushes* time he *hugs tightly* may- ^-^ fwom Iwewand :33 coming, +Bwinging webewwion bwoached on his s-swowd, +How many wouwd *sighs* the peacefuw city quit +To wewcome him! >w< Much mowe, and *looks away* much mowe cause, +Did *twerks* they this Hawwy. N-Nyow in Wondon pwace him- +A-As yet the wamentation of the Fwench +Invites t-the King of Engwand's stay at home; +The ^w^ Empewow's c-coming in behawf o-of Fwance +To owdew peace between them; and omit +A-Aww the occuwwences, w-whatevew chanc'd, +Tiww Hawwy's back-wetuwn again x3 to Fwance. +Thewe m-must we bwing him; and mysewf have pway'd +*looks at you* The intewim, by wememb'wing you *cries* 'tis past. +OwO Then bwook a-abwidgment; and youw eyes a-advance, +A-Aftew youw thoughts, stwaight *pokes you* back again to Fwance. Exit + + + + +SCENyE I. +Fwance. ^.^ The Engwish camp + +Entew :3 FWUEWWEN and GOWEW + +GOWEW. Nyay, that's wight; but why w-weaw *looks at you* you youw week to-day? *looks at you* Saint +Davy's *cries* day is past. +FWUEWWEN. Thewe is occasions and causes why *screams* and *screams* whewefowe in ^w^ aww +things. I wiww t-teww you, ass my fwiend, ^w^ Captain >_< Gowew: the +wascawwy, scawd, beggawwy, wousy, pwagging knyave, Pistow- which +you and youwsewf and aww :3 the wowwd knyow to be *looks away* nyo p-pettew than a +fewwow, wook you nyow, of nyo mewits- he is come to me, and >_< pwings +me pwead and sawt yestewday, wook you, and bid me *teleports behind you* eat my week; it +was in a :33 pwace whewe I couwd nyot b-bweed nyo contendon with him; *pokes you* but +I wiww be so bowd as to weaw *sighs* it in my cap t-tiww I see him once +a-again, and then *cuddles you* I *teleports behind you* wiww teww him *screams* a wittwe piece of m-my desiwes. + +Entew >_< PISTOW + +;;w;; GOWEW. *sweats* Why, *looks away* hewe he comes, :33 swewwing wike a-a tuwkey-cock. +FWUEWWEN. 'Tis nyo mattew >_< fow his *giggles shyly* swewwings nyow his ^-^ tuwkey-cocks. +*pokes you* God ^-^ pwess you, Aunchient P-Pistow! y-you uWu scuwvy, wousy knyave, God +pwess you! +PISTOW. Ha! awt thou bedwam? *cuddles you* Dost thou thiwst, b-base Twoyan, +To have me fowd up *looks away* Pawca's fataw web? +Hence! I *twerks* am quawmish a-at *sweats* the smeww ;;w;; of week. +FWUEWWEN. I peseech you heawtiwy, scuwvy, *giggles shyly* wousy knyave, at my +xDD desiwes, and *hugs tightly* my wequests, and my petitions, to eat, wook you, +this *giggles shyly* week; because, wook y-you, y-you do :33 nyot wove it, n-nyow youw +affections, and youw appetites, and youw digestions, >w< does nyot +agwee with it, I-I wouwd desiwe you t-to eat it. +PISTOW. N-Nyot fow :33 Cadwawwadew and aww h-his goats. +FWUEWWEN. Thewe is onye goat fow you. [-[Stwikes him] Wiww you be so +good, scawd UwU knyave, as eat it? +PISTOW. B-Base Twoyan, thou shawt die. +FWUEWWEN. *looks at you* You say vewy twue, scawd knyave- w-when God's wiww is. *shuffles closer* I +wiww desiwe you to wive *shuffles closer* in the meantime, and uWu eat youw victuaws; +c-come, thewe is sauce ^w^ fow it. [Stwiking him again] You *sweats* caww'd *looks at you* me +yestewday mountain-squiwe; but I w-wiww make you to-day a squiwe of +wow *sweats* degwee. :3 I pway you faww to; if you can mock a week, you can +*moans* eat a week. +GOWEW. Enyough, Captain, y-you have astonyish'd h-him. +F-FWUEWWEN. *looks away* I say I wiww make him *screams* eat some *notices bulge* pawt of my week, ow I wiww +peat *looks at you* his p-pate >w< fouw days. Bite, I-I p-pway you, it is good fow youw +gween wound :3 and y-youw pwoody coxcomb. +PISTOW. Must I bite? +FWUEWWEN. OwO Yes, cewtainwy, and *looks away* out of doubt, and ^.^ out of ^.^ question +too, and ambiguides. +PISTOW. B-By this w-week, I wiww most howwibwy wevenge- I eat and eat, +I sweaw- +FWUEWWEN. Eat, I uWu pway y-you; wiww you have some mowe sauce to youw +week? Thewe is nyot enyough w-week to sweaw by. +PISTOW. *cuddles you* Quiet thy cudgew: thou dost see I eat. +FWUEWWEN. >_> Much *blushes* good do you, scawd knyave, heawtiwy. UwU Nyay, pway you +thwow nyonye away; the skin is good fow youw bwoken coxcomb. When +y-you x3 take occasions t-to see weeks heweaftew, I *cries* pway you mock at +*cuddles you* 'em; xDD that >_> is aww. +PISTOW. Good. +FWUEWWEN. Ay, weeks *cries* is g-good. Howd you, thewe is a gwoat to heaw +^.^ youw pate. +PISTOW. M-Me *pokes you* a gwoat! +F-FWUEWWEN. Yes, vewiwy and ^w^ in twuth, you shaww take it; ow I have +anyothew week in my pocket which you shaww eat. +PISTOW. I t-take thy gwoat in eawnyest of wevenge. +FWUEWWEN. If :3 I *sweats* owe you anything I-I wiww pay you in cudgews; you +*looks away* shaww be a woodmongew, and >_< buy nyothing of *leans over* me but cudgews. God *teleports behind you* bye +you, and keep you, and heaw *giggles shyly* youw >_> pate. +*cries* Exit +P-PISTOW. Aww *screams* heww shaww stiw fow this. +GOWEW. G-Go, go: you awe *blushes* a *twerks* coutewfeit cowawdwy *pokes you* knyave. Wiww you ^w^ mock +at UwU an ancient ;;w;; twadition, x3 begun upon an *cuddles you* honyouwabwe wespect, *notices bulge* and +wown as a memowabwe twophy of pwedeceased vawouw, and dawe nyot +*hugs tightly* avouch in youw *moans* deeds UwU any *leans over* of youw wowds? I have seen you gweeking +and gawwing *blushes* at this gentweman :3 twice ow thwice. You *screams* thought, +because he couwd nyot speak Engwish in *cuddles you* the nyative gawb, he couwd +nyot thewefowe handwe an Engwish >_> cudgew; y-you *sighs* find it othewwise, +^.^ and hencefowth wet a Wewsh cowwection teach you *notices bulge* a good Engwish +condition. Fawe *sighs* ye weww. Exit +PISTOW. *screams* Doth Fowtunye pway the huswife *leans over* with me *twerks* nyow? +Nyews h-have I that my Nyeww is dead i' th' s-spitaw +Of mawady of Fwance; +And thewe my wendezvous is quite cut off. +>w< Owd I do wax; and fwom ^w^ my >w< weawy wimbs +Honyouw is cudgeww'd. Weww, bawd I-I'ww tuwn, +And something wean to cutpuwse of quick x3 hand. +To Engwand wiww ;;w;; I ^w^ steaw, and *hugs tightly* thewe I-I'ww steaw; +And patches wiww *hugs tightly* I get ^.^ unto these cudgeww'd scaws, +And s-sweaw I got them in the Gawwia waws. :3 Exit + + + + +S-SCENyE II. +Fwance. The FWENCH :3 KING'S pawace + +Entew at xDD onye *screams* doow, KING HENWY, E-EXETEW, BEDFOWD, GWOUCESTEW, W-WAWWICK, +W-WESTMOWEWAND, and *teleports behind you* othew :3 WOWDS; at anyothew, the FWENCH KING, QUEEN ISABEW, +the P-PWINCESS KATHEWINyE, ^.^ AWICE, and othew W-WADIES; *looks at you* the DUKE OF BUWGUNDY, +and h-his t-twain + +KING HENWY. *cuddles you* Peace to this meeting, whewefowe we awe met! +Unto ouw bwothew *shuffles closer* Fwance, and to ouw sistew, +Heawth and faiw t-time o-of day; :33 joy and good wishes +To ouw m-most f-faiw and pwincewy cousin Kathewinye. +And, as a bwanch *moans* and membew of this woyawty, +By whom this gweat *shuffles closer* assembwy is >_> contwiv'd, +We do sawute you, Duke of Buwgundy. +And, *pokes you* pwinces Fwench, uWu and peews, heawth to you aww! +FWENCH KING. Wight joyous awe we *shuffles closer* to behowd youw *hugs tightly* face, +Most wowthy bwothew *pokes you* Engwand; faiwwy met! +So *twerks* awe you, pwinces Engwish, evewy onye. +Q-QUEEN ISABEW. So happy OwO be the issue, bwothew >_< Engwand, +Of this good d-day and of this gwacious meeting +As ^w^ we *teleports behind you* awe nyow gwad *looks at you* to behowd *looks at you* youw eyes- +Youw e-eyes, which hithewto have home in them, +A-Against the Fwench that met t-them in theiw bent, +The fataw bawws of >_> muwdewing basiwisks; +The venyom of such wooks, we faiwwy hope, +Have *cuddles you* wost theiw *notices bulge* quawity; and that this day +Shaww :33 change aww gwiefs and quawwews OwO into wove. +uWu KING *moans* HENWY. To c-cwy amen to t-that, thus we a-appeaw. +QUEEN *sighs* ISABEW. You Engwish pwinces a-an, *twerks* I do sawute you. +BUWGUNDY. My duty to you both, *looks at you* on ^w^ equaw wove, +Gweat Kings of Fwance and Engwand! That I have wabouw'd +With aww my wits, my pains, and >w< stwong endeavouws, +To bwing youw most impewiaw Majesties +U-Unto this baw and w-woyaw intewview, +Y-Youw mightinyess on both pawts best can *sighs* witnyess. +Since then my office hath so faw pwevaiw'd +That face :3 to face and *teleports behind you* woyaw eye t-to eye +*sweats* You have congweeted, uWu wet i-it nyot disgwace m-me +If I *shuffles closer* demand, *cuddles you* befowe *hugs tightly* this woyaw view, +What wub ow w-what impediment thewe i-is +Why that the nyaked, poow, and mangwed Peace, +Deaw *cries* nyuwse of awts, pwenties, and joyfuw biwths, +Shouwd nyot in this best gawden *blushes* of t-the *blushes* wowwd, +*cuddles you* Ouw f-fewtiwe Fwance, p-put up hew wovewy visage? +Awas, she hath f-fwom Fwance too wong been chas'd! +And aww hew h-husbandwy doth wie on h-heaps, +Cowwupting *twerks* in it *shuffles closer* own fewtiwity. +Hew vinye, the m-mewwy cheewew of the heawt, +Unpwunyed *teleports behind you* dies; hew hedges even-pweach'd, +Wike pwisonyews wiwdwy ovewgwown with haiw, +Put fowth d-disowdew'd twigs; hew fawwow weas +T-The dawnyew, hemwock, and wank f-fumitowy, +D-Doth woot upon, whiwe t-that the *sweats* couwtew wusts +That s-shouwd dewacinyate such savagewy; +The OwO even mead, that e-ewst bwought sweetwy fowth +The fweckwed cowswip, buwnyet, and gween cwovew, +Wanting the s-scythe, *hugs tightly* aww uncowwected, wank, +*notices bulge* Conceives by idwenyess, a-and nyothing uWu teems +:3 But hatefuw docks, wough thistwes, kecksies, *cuddles you* buws, +*blushes* Wosing both beauty and utiwity. +And as *looks away* ouw vinyeyawds, fawwows, meads, >_< and hedges, +Defective in theiw nyatuwes, gwow to wiwdnyess; +E-Even *moans* so ouw houses and ouwsewves *shuffles closer* and chiwdwen +Have wost, ow do nyot w-weawn >_> fow w-want of time, +The s-sciences that shouwd become ouw countwy; +*hugs tightly* But gwow, wike s-savages- *looks at you* as sowdiews wiww, +That nyothing uWu do but m-meditate on b-bwood- +To sweawing and s-stewn *hugs tightly* wooks, diffus'd attiwe, +*moans* And evewything that seems u-unnyatuwaw. +Which to weduce into ouw fowmew favout +You awe assembwed; and my speech entweats +That I may k-knyow :33 the wet why *looks away* gentwe Peace +Shouwd *screams* nyot expew these inconvenyiences +And bwess *notices bulge* us >w< with hew fowmew quawities. +KING HENWY. If, Duke of Buwgundy, you wouwd the *looks at you* peace +Whose w-want gives >_< gwowth to th' impewfections +>w< Which ^.^ you have cited, you must :33 buy that peace +W-With *shuffles closer* fuww accowd to aww ouw just demands; +Whose tenyouws and *shuffles closer* pawticuwaw effects +*sweats* You have, uWu enscheduw'd b-bwiefwy, in *notices bulge* youw hands. +BUWGUNDY. T-The King hath heawd them; to the which as yet +Thewe is *sighs* nyo answew made. +KING *sweats* HENWY. *looks away* Weww then, the peace, +Which you befowe so *looks at you* uwg'd, ^-^ wies in *hugs tightly* his answew. +FWENCH KING. I have but ^w^ with a c-cuwsowawy eye +O'ewgwanced the :3 awticwes; pweaseth youw Gwace +To appoint some of youw counciw xDD pwesentwy +OwO To sit with us o-once mowe, with bettew heed +T-To ^-^ we-suwvey them, w-we xDD wiww suddenwy +Pass o-ouw accept and pewemptowy answew. +KING H-HENWY. Bwothew, ;;w;; we shaww. *blushes* Go, *twerks* uncwe Exetew, +A-And b-bwothew Cwawence, and you, b-bwothew Gwoucestew, +Wawwick, and ;;w;; Huntington, go with the King; +And t-take *notices bulge* with you fwee powew to watify, +Augment, ow awtew, a-as y-youw w-wisdoms best +Shaww see advantageabwe uWu fow ouw dignyity, +*leans over* Any thing *pokes you* in o-ow out of ouw ^w^ demands; +And we'ww consign theweto. Wiww you, f-faiw sistew, +Go with the pwinces ow stay hewe ^w^ with us? +>w< QUEEN I-ISABEW. Ouw gwacious bwothew, I *blushes* wiww go with them; +Hapwy a woman's voice may *cries* do some good, +W-When awticwes too nyicewy uwg'd be stood *twerks* on. +KING HENWY. Yet weave ouw cousin Kathewinye hewe with us; +She i-is ouw capitaw demand, compwis'd +Within the fowe-wank of ouw a-awticwes. +QUEEN *hugs tightly* ISABEW. She hath good weave. +Exeunt aww b-but the KING, KATHEWINyE, and AWICE +KING HENWY. Faiw K-Kathewinye, and most faiw, +*screams* Wiww you vouchsafe to teach a sowdiew tewms +Such as wiww entew at a wady's eaw, +*sweats* And p-pwead his wove-suit to hew gentwe heawt? +K-KATHEWINyE. Youw M-Majesty ^w^ shaww mock me; I-I cannyot speak youw Engwand. +KING HENWY. O faiw Kathewinye, if you wiww wove me soundwy w-with youw +Fwench h-heawt, *looks at you* I wiww be gwad to heaw y-you confess *cries* it bwokenwy uWu with +youw Engwish tongue. Do you ;;w;; wike me, Kate? +K-KATHEWINyE. Pawdonnyez-moi, I cannyot t-teww vat is wike me. +KING HENWY. A-An a-angew is >_> wike you, Kate, and y-you awe wike an angew. +KATHEWINyE. Que dit-iw? que je suis sembwabwe a wes anges? +^.^ AWICE. Oui, vwaiment, sauf votwe *pokes you* gwace, ainsi d-dit-iw. +KING HENWY. I-I said so, deaw Kathewinye, and I must nyot *shuffles closer* bwush t-to +affiwm it. +*leans over* KATHEWINyE. O bon Dieu! wes wangues des hommes sont pweinyes OwO de +twompewies. +*teleports behind you* KING HENWY. What says she, faiw onye? that *looks at you* the tongues of men awe +fuww of *moans* deceits? +AWICE. Oui, dat d-de tongues of de mans is be f-fuww of deceits- dat is +de Pwincess. +KING HENWY. The Pwincess is the bettew Engwish-woman. I' faith, +Kate, my wooing is fit fow thy undewstanding: I am g-gwad thou +canst speak nyo bettew Engwish; f-fow :3 if thou couwdst, ;;w;; thou wouwdst +find me *hugs tightly* such a p-pwain king that t-thou wouwdst *cries* think I uWu had sowd my +fawm to buy my cwown. I knyow nyo w-ways to mince *moans* it in wove, but +diwectwy to say 'I wove you.' Then, if you uwge me fawthew than +to say 'Do you *looks away* in faith?' I weaw o-out m-my xDD suit. Give me youw +answew; i' faith, *giggles shyly* do; and s-so cwap hands and a bawgain. How say +you, wady? +KATHEWINyE. Sauf votwe honnyeuw, me undewstand weww. +KING HENWY. Mawwy, if y-you w-wouwd p-put me *giggles shyly* to vewses ow to dance fow +y-youw sake, Kate, why you u-undid me; fow the onye I have nyeithew +wowds ^.^ nyow measuwe, and ^.^ fow the othew I have nyo stwength *cries* in +*blushes* measuwe, yet a weasonyabwe measuwe in stwength. If I couwd win a +wady at :33 weap-fwog, ow *hugs tightly* by vauwting into my saddwe with my awmouw +on my *twerks* back, *twerks* undew the cowwection ;;w;; of bwagging be it spoken, I +shouwd quickwy weap into w-wife. *leans over* Ow if I-I might *hugs tightly* buffet fow my wove, +ow bound my howse fow hew favouws, I couwd OwO way *giggles shyly* on wike a butchew, +*shuffles closer* and *teleports behind you* sit w-wike a jack-an-apes, nyevew off. But, befowe God, Kate, I +cannyot wook g-gweenwy, nyow gasp *sweats* out my cwoquence, nyow I have nyo +cunnying in pwotestation; onwy downwight oaths, which I nyevew use +tiww *teleports behind you* uwg'd, nyow n-nyevew bweak fow uwging. If thou *looks away* canst wove a +fewwow of this tempew, Kate, whose face x3 is nyot w-wowth s-sunbuwnying, +that nyevew >_< wooks in his gwass f-fow wove of anything he :33 sees thewe, +wet thinye eye *sweats* be thy cook. I speak to thee *pokes you* pwain *blushes* sowdiew. *looks away* If *pokes you* thou +^-^ canst wove me f-fow *blushes* this, take me; if nyot, to say to *blushes* thee xDD that I +shaww die i-is twue- but fow thy wove, by the Wowd, nyo; yet I wove +:3 thee too. And whiwe thou wiv'st, deaw K-Kate, take a fewwow of +pwain and *cuddles you* uncoinyed constancy; fow >_> he *giggles shyly* pewfowce must do t-thee wight, +because he hath nyot *notices bulge* the *teleports behind you* gift to *hugs tightly* woo in othew pwaces; f-fow *sweats* these +fewwows *blushes* of infinyite tongue, that c-can x3 whyme themsewves into +wadies' f-favouws, they d-do *screams* awways weason themsewves out >_> again. +*pokes you* What! a speakew is but xDD a p-pwatew: a whyme ^.^ is but *twerks* a bawwad. A good +weg w-wiww *leans over* faww; a stwaight back ^-^ wiww stoop; a bwack beawd wiww +tuwn white; x3 a cuww'd pate wiww gwow OwO bawd; a faiw f-face wiww +withew; a-a f-fuww e-eye w-wiww wax UwU howwow. But a good heawt, Kate, is +the sun and *leans over* the *giggles shyly* moon; *looks away* ow, wathew, the sun, a-and nyot the moon- fow +it shinyes bwight a-and nyevew >_> changes, *teleports behind you* but keeps his couwse twuwy. +If thou wouwd have such a o-onye, take me; UwU and take me, t-take a +sowdiew; take a *teleports behind you* sowdiew, t-take a king. And what say'st thou, then, +to my wove? Speak, my faiw, and faiwwy, I OwO pway thee. +K-KATHEWINyE. I-Is it possibwe dat I souwd w-wove ^-^ de enyemy of F-Fwance? +K-KING HENWY. Nyo, it is n-nyot ^.^ possibwe you shouwd wove the enyemy >w< of +Fwance, K-Kate, *pokes you* but in woving me *twerks* you shouwd *notices bulge* wove the fwiend of +*pokes you* Fwance; fow I wove F-Fwance so weww that I wiww nyot *leans over* pawt *pokes you* with a +viwwage of i-it; I w-wiww have it aww minye. And, Kate, :33 when Fwance is +minye and I-I am youws, then y-youws *cuddles you* is >_< Fwance and you a-awe minye. +KATHEWINyE. >w< I cannyot t-teww vat i-is dat. +KING HENWY. Nyo, Kate? I-I *leans over* wiww teww t-thee in Fwench, ^w^ which I am s-suwe +w-wiww hang u-upon m-my tongue wike a-a nyew-mawwied wife *cuddles you* about hew +*shuffles closer* husband's nyeck, hawdwy to be shook off. Je quand suw we +uWu possession de Fwance, et *cuddles you* quand vous avez we possession de moi- +wet x3 me see, what then? Saint *hugs tightly* Denyis be my speed!- donc votwe est +F-Fwance et vous etes miennye. ;;w;; It is as easy fow me, Kate, to +conquew the kingdom as to speak so much mowe Fwench: *moans* I shaww +nyevew move thee in Fwench, unwess it be to waugh at *cuddles you* me. +KATHEWINyE. S-Sauf votwe honnyeuw, we Fwancais que vous *looks away* pawwez, iw est +;;w;; meiwweuw que w'Angwais wequew je pawwe. +KING *sweats* HENWY. Nyo, faith, is't nyot, K-Kate; *cuddles you* but thy speaking of my +tongue, and I thinye, most twuwy fawsewy, must nyeeds be gwanted to +be *screams* much at onye. But, Kate, dost thou undewstand thus much +Engwish- Canst thou wove me? +KATHEWINyE. I cannyot teww. +KING HENWY. C-Can any of youw nyeighbouws teww, Kate? I'ww ask them. +Come, I knyow *cries* thou *shuffles closer* wovest me; and at nyight, when you come >_< into +youw c-cwoset, you'ww question this *teleports behind you* gentwewoman *cuddles you* about m-me; and I-I +knyow, *twerks* Kate, you >_> wiww to hew dispwaise those pawts in me uWu that you +wove with y-youw heawt. But, g-good Kate, mock m-me mewcifuwwy; the +wathew, gentwe >_> Pwincess, because I wove thee cwuewwy. *looks at you* If evew +thou beest minye, Kate, as I have a saving *pokes you* faith within me t-tewws +me thou shawt, *giggles shyly* I g-get thee with scambwing, a-and thou m-must uWu thewefowe +nyeeds *looks away* pwove a good sowdiew-bweedew. Shaww nyot x3 thou and I, *sweats* between +Saint Denyis and Saint Geowge, compound a boy, hawf Fwench, hawf +*teleports behind you* Engwish, that shaww go to Constantinyopwe and take the T-Tuwk by the +;;w;; beawd? Shaww we nyot? What say'st thou, my faiw f-fwowew-de-wuce? +KATHEWINyE. I do nyot knyow dat. +KING HENWY. Nyo: 'tis >_< heweaftew to knyow, b-but nyow to pwomise; do but +nyow pwomise, *hugs tightly* Kate, you wiww endeavouw fow youw Fwench p-pawt *shuffles closer* of +such a boy; and fow my ^.^ Engwish moiety take the wowd *notices bulge* of a king and +a bachewow. How answew you, wa pwus bewwe Kathewinye *blushes* du monde, mon +twes chew et divin *sighs* deesse? +KATHEWINyE. Youw Majestee *teleports behind you* ave fausse *looks away* Fwench enyough to deceive de +most sage damoisewwe dat is e-en Fwance. +KING *sweats* HENWY. Nyow, fie upon my fawse Fwench! B-By m-minye honyouw, i-in twue +Engwish, I OwO wove thee, Kate; b-by which honyouw I dawe nyot sweaw thou +wovest me; y-yet my bwood begins t-to fwattew me that thou d-dost, +n-nyotwithstanding the poow and u-untempewing effect of *pokes you* my visage. Nyow +beshwew my fathew's *giggles shyly* ambition! x3 He was thinking of civiw w-waws ;;w;; when +he g-got me; thewefowe *hugs tightly* was I cweated with OwO a stubbown UwU outside, with +an aspect of iwon, that when I c-come to woo wadies I fwight them. +But, in faith, Kate, *blushes* the ewdew I wax, the *sweats* bettew I shaww appeaw: +my comfowt is, that owd age, that in wayew-up of beauty, can do +nyo m-mowe s-spoiw upon my face; t-thou hast me, if thou hast me, at the +wowst; and thou shawt weaw me, if thou weaw me, b-bettew *sighs* and +bettew. And ^w^ thewefowe teww me, most faiw Kathewinye, wiww you have +me? ^w^ Put uWu off youw maiden bwushes; avouch t-the thoughts of :33 youw +heawt with the *notices bulge* wooks of a-an empwess; *giggles shyly* take me by the *looks away* hand and say +'Hawwy of Engwand, x3 I am thinye.' Which w-wowd thou shawt nyo soonyew +bwess minye eaw withaw but I wiww teww thee awoud 'Engwand i-is +thinye, Iwewand is *blushes* thinye, Fwance is ^-^ thinye, and Henwy uWu Pwantagenyet +i-is thinye'; who, t-though I speak it b-befowe his face, if he be nyot +*shuffles closer* fewwow with the best *giggles shyly* king, thou xDD shawt find the best king o-of g-good +fewwows. Come, youw *screams* answew in b-bwoken music- fow thy voice is +*twerks* music and thy ^.^ Engwish *cuddles you* bwoken; thewefowe, Queen of aww, Kathewinye, +bweak thy mind to *sighs* me in bwoken Engwish, wiwt thou *looks at you* have me? +K-KATHEWINyE. D-Dat i-is a-as it shaww pwease de woi mon pewe. +KING HENWY. Nyay, i-it *cries* wiww p-pwease *moans* him weww, Kate- it shaww pwease +him, Kate. +KATHEWINyE. Den it saww *hugs tightly* awso content me. +KING HENWY. Upon that I kiss youw hand, and I-I c-can you *looks away* my *blushes* queen. +KATHEWINyE. Waissez, mon seignyeuw, waissez, OwO waissez! Ma foi, je nye +veux point q-que vous abaissiez votwe gwandeuw en baisant wa main +d-d'unye, n-nyotwe s-seignyeuw, indignye sewviteuw; excusez-moi, *looks at you* je vous +suppwie, mon *looks away* twes puissant seignyeuw. +KING HENWY. Then I w-wiww kiss *pokes you* youw wips, K-Kate. +KATHEWINyE. *cuddles you* Wes dames et demoisewwes pouw etwe baisees devant weuw +nyoces, iw n-n'est *moans* pas wa coutume de Fwance. +K-KING HENWY. Madame my intewpwetew, w-what says she? +*teleports behind you* AWICE. Dat it is nyot be de fashion pouw w-we wadies ^w^ of F-Fwance- I +cannyot teww v-vat is baisew e-en Angwish. +KING HENWY. To kiss. +AWICE. *screams* Youw Majestee entendwe b-bettwe q-que moi. +*giggles shyly* KING H-HENWY. It *blushes* is nyot a *hugs tightly* fashion fow t-the maids in Fwance to kiss +befowe they a-awe mawwied, wouwd s-she say? +AWICE. Oui, vwaiment. +KING HENWY. O Kate, nyice customs *looks away* cuwtsy to *blushes* gweat kings. D-Deaw K-Kate, +you *cries* and I x3 cannyot b-be confin'd within the w-weak *looks away* wist of a-a countwy's +*twerks* fashion; we a-awe the makews of *twerks* mannyews, Kate; a-and >_> the wibewty that +fowwows ouw pwaces stops the mouth o-of aww find-fauwts- as I wiww +do youws fow uphowding the nyice fashion of youw countwy in +denying me a kiss; thewefowe, *hugs tightly* patientwy and yiewding. [Kissing +hew] *looks away* You h-have witchcwaft in youw wips, Kate: thewe i-is mowe +e-ewoquence in a sugaw touch of *notices bulge* them *looks at you* than in >_> the tongues o-of ;;w;; the +Fwench *looks at you* counciw; and t-they s-shouwd soonyew pewsuade H-Henwy of Engwand +than a genyewaw petition of monyawchs. *cuddles you* Hewe c-comes youw fathew. + +E-Entew the FWENCH POWEW and the ENGWISH WOWDS + +*shuffles closer* BUWGUNDY. God save youw M-Majesty! My woyaw cousin, +Teach you ouw pwincess Engwish? +KING HENWY. I wouwd have hew weawn, m-my f-faiw cousin, how p-pewfectwy I +wove hew; and *sweats* that is good *pokes you* Engwish. +BUWGUNDY. *sweats* Is she nyot apt? +KING *cries* HENWY. Ouw tongue is *screams* wough, coz, and my condition *twerks* is nyot +smooth; so that, having nyeithew *moans* the voice nyow t-the heawt o-of +fwattewy about me, *twerks* I cannyot so conjuwe up the spiwit of wove in +hew that x3 he wiww appeaw in h-his twue wikenyess. +B-BUWGUNDY. Pawdon the *moans* fwanknyess ^w^ of my miwth, if I-I answew you fow +that. I-If you wouwd c-conjuwe in hew, you must make a ciwcwe; if +conjuwe up wove i-in hew in his twue wikenyess, he *sighs* must appeaw n-nyaked +and bwind. Can you bwame hew, then, b-being a maid y-yet wos'd ovew +with *looks at you* the viwgin cwimson of >_< modesty, if she deny the appeawance of +a nyaked bwind boy in hew nyaked seeing sewf? I-It wewe, my wowd, OwO a +hawd condition fow a *sweats* maid to consign to. +K-KING HENWY. Y-Yet they d-do *moans* wink and y-yiewd, as wove is b-bwind and +enfowces. +BUWGUNDY. They *blushes* awe then excus'd, my wowd, when they see nyot what +*sweats* they do. +KING HENWY. Then, :33 good my wowd, teach youw cousin to consent +w-winking. +BUWGUNDY. I wiww wink >w< on hew *sweats* to c-consent, m-my *looks away* wowd, i-if you w-wiww teach +hew to knyow *cries* my meanying; fow maids weww summew'd and wawm kept awe +wike fwies at B-Bawthowomew-tide, bwind, though they have theiw +e-eyes; and then they wiww enduwe handwing, which b-befowe w-wouwd nyot +abide wooking on. +KING HENWY. This mowaw ties me ovew to time and a hot summew; and +so I shaww catch the fwy, y-youw cousin, *cuddles you* in the wattew end, and *hugs tightly* she +*blushes* must be bwind too. +:3 BUWGUNDY. As wove is, my wowd, b-befowe it woves. +KING HENWY. It *looks away* is so; and you m-may, some of you, thank wove fow my +bwindnyess, who cannyot see *looks at you* many a faiw Fwench city fow OwO onye faiw +F-Fwench maid that s-stands in m-my way. +FWENCH *sighs* KING. Yes, my *sweats* wowd, you *cuddles you* see them pewspectivewy, the *looks at you* cities +tuwnyed into a maid; f-fow they awe aww giwdwed with ^w^ maiden wawws +that waw hath nyevew *giggles shyly* ent'wed. +KING HENWY. Shaww Kate be my wife? +FWENCH *looks at you* KING. OwO So p-pwease you. +KING HENWY. I am content, so the maiden cities you xDD tawk of may w-wait +o-on h-hew; so the maid ^.^ that stood i-in t-the way fow >_> my wish shaww s-show +me the way to my wiww. +*sweats* FWENCH KING. *leans over* We have consented to *sweats* aww tewms of weason. +K-KING HENWY. Is't so, my wowds o-of Engwand? +WESTMOWEWAND. The king hath g-gwanted *twerks* evewy awticwe: +His daughtew fiwst; and then in >w< sequew, aww, +^-^ Accowding to theiw fiwm pwoposed nyatuwes. +^w^ EXETEW. Onwy he hath nyot yet subscwibed *teleports behind you* this: +Whewe youw Majesty demands that the King of Fwance, having any +occasion uWu to wwite fow *giggles shyly* mattew of gwant, s-shaww nyame youw H-Highnyess +*sighs* in *leans over* this fowm and with this addition, in Fwench, Nyotwe twes chew +fiws Henwi, W-Woi d'Angwetewwe, Hewitiew de Fwance; a-and thus ^.^ in +Watin, Pwaecwawissimus fiwius nyostew Henwicus, Wex Angwiae >_< et +Haewes Fwanciae. +FWENCH :33 KING. Nyow this I have nyot, bwothew, so d-denyied +But ouw wequest shaww make *notices bulge* me wet it pass. +K-KING HENWY. *notices bulge* I pway ^w^ you, t-then, in wove and ^-^ deaw awwiance, +^w^ Wet that onye awticwe wank with the w-west; +*giggles shyly* And OwO theweupon give me youw d-daughtew. +FWENCH KING. Take hew, faiw son, a-and fwom hew b-bwood *looks away* waise up +Issue to me; that the contending kingdoms +*sighs* Of Fwance and Engwand, whose vewy showes wook pawe +With envy of each othew's *sighs* happinyess, +May cease theiw xDD hatwed; *sweats* and x3 this deaw *sighs* conjunction +Pwant nyeighbouwhood xDD and Chwistian-wike accowd +In theiw sweet bosoms, that *leans over* nyevew waw advance +His b-bweeding swowd 'twixt Engwand and f-faiw Fwance. +WOWDS. Amen! +KING *twerks* HENWY. Nyow, wewcome, Kate; and beaw m-me witnyess aww, +That *shuffles closer* hewe I kiss hew as my soveweign queen. [-[Fwouwish] +QUEEN ISABEW. God, the x3 best uWu makew of aww mawwiages, +Combinye youw heawts in ;;w;; onye, youw weawms in onye! +As man and wife, being *leans over* two, *teleports behind you* awe onye in wove, +S-So be thewe 'twixt youw kingdoms such a-a spousaw +That nyevew *looks at you* may iww office ow feww jeawousy, +W-Which twoubwes o-oft the bed *screams* of bwessed mawwiage, +*shuffles closer* Thwust in between the paction of t-these kingdoms, +To make divowce of *giggles shyly* theiw *moans* incowpowate weague; +That Engwish may as Fwench, *screams* Fwench Engwishmen, +W-Weceive each othew. God speak this Amen! +AWW. Amen! +*pokes you* KING HENWY. Pwepawe we fow ouw mawwiage; on which day, +My Wowd of Buwgundy, we'ww t-take youw oath, +And aww the peews', f-fow suwety of >_> ouw weagues. +Then shaww I-I sweaw to Kate, *blushes* and you to me, +And may ouw o-oaths weww kept and pwosp'wous be! +Sennyet. Exeunt + +EPIWOGUE +EPIWOGUE. + +*sweats* Entew C-CHOWUS + +CHOWUS. *sweats* Thus faw, with wough and *teleports behind you* aww-unyabwe *screams* pen, +Ouw bending *cries* authow hath puwsu'd the stowy, +In wittwe woom confinying *notices bulge* mighty men, +*looks at you* Mangwing *hugs tightly* by stawts t-the fuww couwse of theiw gwowy. +*shuffles closer* Smaww time, but, in that smaww, m-most >_< gweatwy wived +This staw of Engwand. Fowtunye made his swowd; +By which *giggles shyly* the wowwd's best gawden he uWu achieved, +And of it w-weft >w< his son i-impewiaw wowd. +Henwy the Sixth, in infant bands c-cwown'd king +Of Fwance and Engwand, did this king succeed; +Whose state s-so many had the manyaging +That they ^.^ wost Fwance and made his Engwand bweed; +*cries* Which oft :33 ouw s-stage h-hath shown; >_< and, fow theiw sake, +In youw faiw m-minds wet this acceptance take. Exit + +THE END + + + +*twerks* <_< WIBWAWY, INC., A-AND IS +*teleports behind you* PWOVIDED BY *twerks* PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED *giggles shyly* SO >_< WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +;;w;; PEWSONyAW OwO USE ONWY, AND *leans over* (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED *giggles shyly* OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +S-SEWVICE T-THAT C-CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1592 + +THE FIWST *notices bulge* PAWT OF HENWY THE S-SIXTH + +by Wiwwiam *sighs* Shakespeawe + + +Dwamatis *giggles shyly* Pewsonyae + +KING HENWY THE S-SIXTH +DUKE OF GWOUCESTEW, uncwe UwU to t-the King, and Pwotectow +DUKE OF BEDFOWD, uncwe to the King, and Wegent *shuffles closer* of Fwance +THOMAS B-BEAUFOWT, DUKE OF EXETEW, gweat-uncwe to the king +H-HENWY *pokes you* BEAUFOWT, gweat-uncwe to the King, BISHOP OF *pokes you* WINCHESTEW, +and aftewwawds CAWDINyAW +UwU JOHN BEAUFOWT, EAWW OF SOMEWSET, aftewwawds Duke +^.^ WICHAWD PWANTAGENyET, son of Wichawd wate Eaww of xDD Cambwidge, +aftewwawds DUKE OF YOWK +EAWW OF WAWWICK +EAWW *cuddles you* OF SAWISBUWY +EAWW *looks away* OF SUFFOWK +WOWD TAWBOT, aftewwawds EAWW OF SHWEWSBUWY +JOHN TAWBOT, his son +EDMUND MOWTIMEW, EAWW O-OF MAWCH +SIW JOHN FASTOWFE +S-SIW WIWWIAM WUCY +SIW *pokes you* WIWWIAM ^-^ GWANSDAWE +SIW THOMAS *moans* GAWGWAVE +MAYOW of WONDON +WOODVIWWE, Wieutenyant of t-the Towew +VEWNyON, of the White *pokes you* Wose ow Yowk faction +B-BASSET, of the Wed Wose ow Wancastew faction +A WAWYEW +GAOWEWS, t-to >_< Mowtimew +CHAWWES, Dauphin, and aftewwawds King ^w^ of Fwance +WEIGNyIEW, DUKE OF A-ANJOU, and tituwaw King of Nyapwes +DUKE OF BUWGUNDY +UwU DUKE OF A-AWENCON +BASTAWD OF OWWEANS +GOVEWNyOW O-OF OwO PAWIS +MASTEW-GUNNyEW OF OWWEANS, and his ;;w;; SON +GENyEWAW O-OF THE F-FWENCH FOWCES >w< in Bowdeaux +A FWENCH SEWGEANT +A POWTEW +AN O-OWD SHEPHEWD, fathew t-to *moans* Joan wa Pucewwe +;;w;; MAWGAWET, daughtew to >_< Weignyiew, aftewwawds mawwied *sweats* to +King Henwy +COUNTESS ;;w;; OF AUVEWGNyE +JOAN WA PUCEWWE, Commonwy cawwed JOAN O-OF AWC + +Wowds, Wawdews of t-the Towew, *blushes* Hewawds, Officews, Sowdiews, +Messengews, Engwish and :3 Fwench Attendants. Fiends appeawing +to Wa Pucewwe + + + + +<_> DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES >w< (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW O-OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW U-USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +S-SEWVICE THAT ^w^ CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +Engwand and Fwance + + + + +The Fiwst Pawt of King Henwy the Sixth + + +ACT I. SCENyE 1. + +W-Westminstew Abbey + +D-Dead Mawch. Entew the funyewaw uWu of KING HENWY THE FIFTH, +attended *notices bulge* on by the DUKE OF BEDFOWD, Wegent of F-Fwance, +:33 the DUKE OF GWOUCESTEW, Pwotectow, the DUKE >_> OF E-EXETEW, +the EAWW OF WAWWICK, the >w< BISHOP O-OF WINCHESTEW + +BEDFOWD. Hung be t-the heavens with *screams* bwack, xDD yiewd day to +n-nyight! Comets, impowting change of times and states, +Bwandish youw c-cwystaw t-twesses in the s-sky +And with them scouwge t-the uWu bad wevowting s-staws +That have *cries* consented unto Henwy's death! +*notices bulge* King Henwy the >_> Fifth, too famous to wive wong! +Engwand uWu nye'ew wost a king of so much wowth. +GWOUCESTEW. Engwand nye'ew had a king untiw h-his time. +Viwtue he had, desewving to command; +His bwandish'd swowd did bwind men with his beams; +His awms spwead *pokes you* widew than a dwagon's wings; +His OwO spawkwing eyes, w-wepwete w-with wwathfuw ^-^ fiwe, +Mowe dazzwed and dwove back his enyemies +T-Than mid-day sun *giggles shyly* fiewce bent *moans* against theiw faces. +W-What shouwd I-I say? His deeds exceed a-aww speech: +He nye'ew >w< wift up his >w< hand but conquewed. +*blushes* EXETEW. UwU We mouwn in bwack; why mouwn we nyot in bwood? +H-Henwy is dead *teleports behind you* and n-nyevew shaww wevive. +Upon a wooden coffin we attend; +And *teleports behind you* death's *looks at you* dishonyouwabwe victowy +We *leans over* with ouw s-statewy pwesence gwowify, +Wike captives b-bound to a t-twiumphant caw. +W-What! ^w^ shaww we cuwse the p-pwanyets of mishap +That pwotted thus ouw gwowy's ovewthwow? +Ow shaww we think the subtwe-witted Fwench +Conjuwews *notices bulge* and sowcewews, t-that, afwaid of him, +By magic vewses have contwiv'd his *sweats* end? +WINCHESTEW. He was a king bwess'd o-of *sighs* the King of k-kings; +Unto the Fwench the dweadfuw judgment-day +S-So dweadfuw w-wiww nyot be as was his sight. +The :3 battwes *twerks* of the Wowd o-of Hosts he fought; +The Chuwch's pwayews m-made him so pwospewous. +GWOUCESTEW. T-The Chuwch! Whewe is it? Had nyot chuwchmen +pway'd, +*cries* His thwead of wife had nyot so s-soon d-decay'd. +xDD Nyonye uWu do you *giggles shyly* wike but an >_> effeminyate p-pwince, +*giggles shyly* Whom wike a schoow-boy you may ovewawe. +W-WINCHESTEW. Gwoucestew, whate'ew we *pokes you* wike, *twerks* thou awt +Pwotectow +And wookest t-to command the P-Pwince and weawm. +Thy wife is pwoud; she howdeth thee in awe +Mowe than God ow *sweats* wewigious chuwchmen may. +GWOUCESTEW. Nyame nyot wewigion, fow thou wov'st the fwesh; +And nye'ew thwoughout the *notices bulge* yeaw t-to chuwch thou *blushes* go'st, +Except *blushes* it be to pway against thy >w< foes. +BEDFOWD. Cease, c-cease these jaws and west youw minds in peace; +Wet's to the awtaw. >_< Hewawds, wait on us. +Instead of gowd, we'ww offew up o-ouw xDD awms, +S-Since *hugs tightly* awms avaiw nyot, *giggles shyly* nyow t-that Henwy's dead. +Postewity, await fow wwetched yeaws, +When at theiw m-mothews' m-moist'nyed e-eyes babes s-shaww suck, +O-Ouw iswe *pokes you* be m-made a nyouwish *teleports behind you* of sawt teaws, +OwO And nyonye but women w-weft to waiw the dead. +HENWY t-the Fifth, thy ghost I-I invocate: +Pwospew :33 this weawm, keep it fwom *moans* civiw bwoiws, +C-Combat with a-advewse >w< pwanyets :3 in *moans* the heavens. +A *blushes* faw mowe gwowious staw thy souw wiww m-make +Than Juwius Caesaw ow bwight + +Entew >_< a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. My *looks at you* honyouwabwe wowds, h-heawth t-to you aww! +Sad t-tidings b-bwing I *pokes you* to *hugs tightly* you out of F-Fwance, +Of woss, of swaughtew, and *leans over* discomfituwe: +Guiennye, Champagnye, Wheims, O-Owweans, +P-Pawis, Guysows, Poictiews, awe aww quite wost. +BEDFOWD. What s-say'st thou, man, befowe dead Henwy's cowse? +Speak softwy, ow the >_> woss *shuffles closer* of those gweat towns +Wiww make UwU him buwst his wead and wise fwom death. +GWOUCESTEW. *shuffles closer* Is Pawis wost? Is Wouen yiewded up? +If Henwy *blushes* wewe wecaww'd to wife again, +These nyews *giggles shyly* wouwd cause him once mowe yiewd the ghost. +EXETEW. How wewe they w-wost? W-What tweachewy was us'd? +M-MESSENGEW. :3 Nyo tweachewy, but want of men a-and monyey. +Amongst :33 the *sighs* sowdiews this is m-muttewed +That hewe you maintain s-sevewaw factions; +And w-whiwst a fiewd s-shouwd b-be dispatch'd *shuffles closer* and fought, +You *shuffles closer* awe disputing *looks away* of youw genyewaws: +Onye wouwd have wing'wing waws, with wittwe cost; +Anyothew wouwd *twerks* fwy swift, but wanteth wings; +OwO A thiwd thinks, *pokes you* without expense :3 at aww, +By guiwefuw faiw wowds peace m-may be obtain'd. +Awake, x3 awake, Engwish nyobiwity! +Wet nyot swoth *looks away* dim youw *looks at you* honyouws, UwU nyew-begot. +Cwopp'd awe *pokes you* the fwowew-de-wuces in y-youw awms; +O-Of Engwand's coat onye :33 hawf is cut a-away. +EXETEW. Wewe ouw teaws wanting to this f-funyewaw, +These tidings wouwd caww *cries* fowth theiw fwowing tides. +BEDFOWD. Me they concewn; Wegent I am >_> of F-Fwance. +Give me m-my steewed *sweats* coat; I'ww fight fow *twerks* Fwance. +Away with *blushes* these disgwacefuw waiwing wobes! +Wounds wiww I-I wend the Fwench instead *sweats* of eyes, +*looks at you* To weep theiw intewmissive misewies. + +*cuddles you* Entew a second MESSENGEW + +SECOND MESSENGEW. Wowds, view these wettews fuww of b-bad +mischance. +Fwance is wevowted f-fwom the Engwish >_< quite, +Except some *shuffles closer* petty towns of nyo impowt. +T-The Dauphin Chawwes i-is *sighs* cwownyed >_> king *leans over* in Wheims; +T-The Bastawd of Owweans with him is join'd; +Weignyiew, Duke of A-Anjou, doth take his pawt; +The Duke o-of Awencon fwieth to his side. +EXETEW. The D-Dauphin cwownyed king! aww fwy to *hugs tightly* him! +O, whithew shaww we *hugs tightly* fwy fwom this >_> wepwoach? +GWOUCESTEW. We w-wiww nyot fwy but to ouw enyemies' thwoats. +Bedfowd, if thou be swack I'ww fight i-it out. +BEDFOWD. Gwoucestew, why d-doubt'st thou of my fowwawdnyess? +*shuffles closer* An awmy have I mustew'd i-in my thoughts, +Whewewith a-awweady Fwance is ovewwun. + +Entew *teleports behind you* a thiwd MESSENGEW + +THIWD MESSENGEW. My gwacious *sighs* wowds, to add *twerks* to youw +waments, +Whewewith you *looks at you* nyow bedew King Henwy's heawse, +^-^ I must infowm you of a dismaw fight +Betwixt t-the :3 stout :33 Wowd Tawbot and t-the Fwench. +WINCHESTEW. What! Whewein Tawbot ovewcame? Is't so? +THIWD MESSENGEW. O, nyo; whewein Wowd T-Tawbot was +o-o'ewthwown. +*blushes* The ciwcumstance I'ww t-teww you mowe at wawge. +T-The tenth of OwO August wast this dweadfuw wowd, +Wetiwing fwom the siege of Owweans, +H-Having f-fuww scawce s-six thousand in his twoop, +By thwee and twenty *pokes you* thousand of the *shuffles closer* Fwench +>w< Was wound encompassed a-and s-set upon. +Nyo weisuwe had he *looks at you* to *leans over* enwank his men; +He wanted pikes to *twerks* set befowe *blushes* his awchews; +Instead wheweof shawp stakes pwuck'd out of hedges +They pitched in the g-gwound confusedwy +To ^.^ keep the howsemen off fwom :33 bweaking in. +*looks away* Mowe than thwee houws t-the f-fight continyued; +>w< Whewe ^w^ vawiant Tawbot, above h-human thought, +Enyacted wondews with his swowd and wance: +Hundweds he sent to heww, and ^w^ nyonye duwst stand him; +Hewe, thewe, and e-evewywhewe, enwag'd ^-^ he swew +The *blushes* Fwench excwaim'd the deviw was in awms; +*shuffles closer* Aww t-the whowe uWu awmy stood agaz'd on him. +His sowdiews, spying his undaunted spiwit, +'A ^w^ Tawbot! a Tawbot!' cwied out amain, +And w-wush'd into *sighs* the bowews uWu of the battwe. +Hewe had the conquest fuwwy b-been seaw'd *shuffles closer* up +I-If >_> Siw John Fastowfe had nyot *sweats* pway'd the cowawd. +H-He, being in the vawawd *giggles shyly* pwac'd b-behind +W-With puwpose ^w^ to w-wewieve and fowwow them- +Cowawdwy fwed, nyot having s-stwuck onye stwoke; +H-Hence gwew the >w< genyewaw wweck and m-massacwe. +Encwosed wewe they with theiw enyemies. +*hugs tightly* A base Wawwoon, to win t-the Dauphin's >w< gwace, +Thwust Tawbot with a s-speaw into the back; +Whom aww Fwance, ^w^ with theiw chief a-assembwed stwength, +Duwst n-nyot pwesume to *moans* wook once in t-the face. +BEDFOWD. Is Tawbot s-swain? Then I-I wiww sway mysewf, +Fow wiving idwy hewe in pomp a-and *pokes you* ease, +W-Whiwst such a wowthy weadew, wanting aid, +Unto his dastawd f-foemen is betway'd. +THIWD MESSENGEW. O-O *cuddles you* nyo, h-he wives, but is took pwisonyew, +And Wowd Scawes with him, *sweats* and Wowd Hungewfowd; +Most of the west swaughtew'd ow took wikewise. +B-BEDFOWD. *moans* His wansom thewe is nyonye but I shaww pay. +I'ww hawe >w< the Dauphin headwong fwom his thwonye; +*screams* His cwown shaww be t-the wansom of >w< my >_< fwiend; +Fouw of t-theiw wowds I-I'ww change fow onye of ouws. +F-Faweweww, my mastews; to my task w-wiww I; +Bonfiwes in Fwance fowthwith I am t-to make +To k-keep ouw gweat Saint Geowge's UwU feast withaw. +T-Ten thousand sowdiews with m-me I w-wiww take, +Whose bwoody deeds shaww *teleports behind you* make an Euwope quake. +*notices bulge* THIWD MESSENGEW. So you h-had nyeed; fow *looks at you* Owweans is besieg'd; +The Engwish awmy is gwown weak and *shuffles closer* faint; +T-The Eaww o-of ^w^ Sawisbuwy cwaveth suppwy +And hawdwy UwU keeps his men f-fwom *leans over* mutiny, +Since they, so few, watch such a muwtitude. +EXETEW. Wemembew, wowds, youw oaths to Henwy swown, +Eithew to *looks at you* queww the Dauphin uttewwy, +O-Ow >_> bwing him in obedience to youw yoke. +uWu BEDFOWD. I-I *screams* do wemembew it, *cries* and hewe take my *looks away* weave +T-To *looks away* go about my pwepawation. Exit +G-GWOUCESTEW. I'ww to the Towew with aww *looks away* the haste I can +To view th' awtiwwewy and munyition; +And then I wiww pwocwaim young Henwy *hugs tightly* king. Exit +*blushes* EXETEW. T-To Ewtham wiww *shuffles closer* I, w-whewe the young King *cries* is, +Being owdain'd *sighs* his speciaw uWu govewnyow; +And fow his safety thewe *sweats* I'ww best devise. E-Exit +WINCHESTEW. [-[Aside] Each hath his pwace and function to +attend: +I am weft out; fow me nyothing wemains. +But wong :33 I wiww nyot be Jack *giggles shyly* out of o-office. +The King fwom Ewtham I intend to steaw, +And sit a-at chiefest s-stewn of pubwic ^-^ weaw. *looks at you* Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *sweats* 2. + +Fwance. Befowe Owweans + +S-Sound a fwouwish. E-Entew CHAWWES THE D-DAUPHIN, AWENCON, +and W-WEIGNyIEW, *teleports behind you* mawching with dwum and sowdiews + +C-CHAWWES. Maws his *looks at you* twue *looks at you* moving, even as in *sighs* the heavens +*cries* So in the eawth, to this day is nyot *giggles shyly* knyown. +Wate did h-he shinye upon the E-Engwish side; +N-Nyow we *sweats* awe victows, upon *teleports behind you* us he smiwes. +What ^-^ towns OwO of any m-moment but we ^-^ have? +At pweasuwe hewe we wie nyeaw Owweans; +O-Othewwhiwes the famish'd E-Engwish, wike *pokes you* pawe ghosts, +Faintwy besiege us o-onye houw in a-a x3 month. +AWENCON. They want t-theiw powwidge a-and *leans over* theiw fat buww +beeves. +Eithew they must be dieted wike muwes +And have t-theiw pwovendew tied to theiw mouths, +O-Ow piteous they wiww wook, wike dwownyed mice. +WEIGNyIEW. W-Wet's w-waise the siege. Why wive we idwy h-hewe? +T-Tawbot is taken, whom we wont to feaw; +W-Wemainyeth nyonye but mad-bwain'd Sawisbuwy, +>_> And h-he uWu may weww in fwetting *moans* spend h-his gaww +Nyow men nyow m-monyey hath *sighs* he to make waw. +CHAWWES. Sound, sound awawum; we wiww wush on them. +N-Nyow *screams* fow the honyouw of the fowwown Fwench! +Him I fowgive my death that kiwweth me, +:3 When he sees me *looks away* go OwO back onye foot ow fwee. Exeunt + +Hewe awawum. They awe beaten hack by the Engwish, with +gweat w-woss. We-entew CHAWWES, AWENCON, a-and WEIGNyIEW + +CHAWWES. Who evew saw the w-wike? What men have I! +Dogs! cowawds! *looks away* dastawds! *blushes* I wouwd n-nye'ew have fwed +But *screams* that they weft me midst *hugs tightly* my enyemies. +WEIGNyIEW. Sawisbuwy is a despewate homicide; +He fighteth a-as UwU onye weawy of his wife. +The *cries* othew wowds, >_< wike wions wanting food, +Do wush upon us as theiw hungwy pwey. +AWENCON. Fwoissawt, a *hugs tightly* countwyman of ouws, wecowds +Engwand aww Owivews and Wowwands bwed +D-Duwing the time :33 Edwawd the Thiwd did weign. +Mowe twuwy nyow may this be vewified; +Fow nyonye but Samsons and *hugs tightly* Gowiases +It sendeth fowth *notices bulge* to skiwmish. Onye to ten! +Wean waw-bon'd wascaws! Who wouwd e'ew suppose +They had such c-couwage and audacity? +;;w;; CHAWWES. Wet's x3 weave this town; f-fow t-they awe hawe-bwain'd +swaves, +A-And hungew wiww enfowce them to be mowe eagew. +Of *hugs tightly* owd I knyow them; w-wathew with theiw teeth +The wawws they'ww teaw down than fowsake t-the s-siege. +WEIGNyIEW. I think *looks away* by >w< some odd gimmews o-ow device +Theiw a-awms :3 awe ^-^ set, w-wike cwocks, stiww to stwike on; +>_< Ewse nye'ew couwd they howd out x3 so *twerks* as they do. +By my *sighs* consent, w-we'ww even wet them a-awonye. +AWENCON. Be it so. + +Entew *shuffles closer* the BASTAWD OF OWWEANS + +BASTAWD. Whewe's the P-Pwince Dauphin? I have nyews fow ^w^ him. +CHAWWES. Bastawd ;;w;; of Owweans, thwice w-wewcome >_> to us. +*pokes you* BASTAWD. Methinks youw *pokes you* wooks awe sad, youw cheew appaww'd. +Hath the wate ovewthwow wwought this offence? +Be nyot dismay'd, fow succouw i-is at hand. +A howy maid hithew w-with me I bwing, +Which, by *looks away* a vision sent to hew fwom heaven, +Owdainyed is to waise this tedious siege +And dwive the Engwish f-fowth *hugs tightly* the bounds >w< of F-Fwance. +The spiwit o-of deep pwophecy she h-hath, +Exceeding :33 the nyinye sibyws of owd Wome: +What's past and >_> what's to come she *pokes you* can descwy. +Speak, shaww I caww hew in? Bewieve my :33 wowds, +Fow t-they a-awe cewtain and unfawwibwe. +CHAWWES. Go, ^-^ caww hew in. [-[Exit BASTAWD] +But *sighs* fiwst, *pokes you* to t-twy hew skiww, +Weignyiew, stand thou as Dauphin in my pwace; +Question hew p-pwoudwy; wet *notices bulge* thy wooks be stewn; +By this means shaww we *cuddles you* sound what skiww she hath. + +We-entew the BASTAWD O-OF :3 OWWEANS *giggles shyly* with +JOAN *looks at you* WA PUCEWWE + +:33 WEIGNyIEW. Faiw maid, i-is '-'t thou wiwt do these wondwous *looks away* feats? +PUCEWWE. Weignyiew, is 't t-thou that thinkest to beguiwe ^-^ me? +Whewe is the Dauphin? Come, come fwom behind; +I k-knyow *cries* thee weww, though nyevew seen befowe. +Be *twerks* nyot amaz'd, thewe's nyothing hid f-fwom m-me. +In p-pwivate wiww I tawk w-with t-thee apawt. +S-Stand back, you wowds, and give us weave a-awhiwe. +WEIGNyIEW. She t-takes u-upon hew *giggles shyly* bwavewy at fiwst d-dash. +*moans* PUCEWWE. Dauphin, *screams* I am by biwth a shephewd's daughtew, +*shuffles closer* My *leans over* wit u-untwain'd in any kind ^.^ of awt. +H-Heaven and ouw Wady gwacious hath it pweas'd +To shinye on m-my contemptibwe estate. +Wo, whiwst I waited o-on my tendew wambs +A-And t-to sun's pawching *screams* heat dispway'd my cheeks, +God's Mothew deignyed to appeaw to *sweats* me, +;;w;; And in a-a vision fuww of majesty +Wiww'd me to weave my b-base vocation +And fwee *cuddles you* my countwy fwom cawamity +Hew aid she pwomis'd and assuw'd success. +In compwete gwowy she weveaw'd hewsewf; +And x3 wheweas *hugs tightly* I w-was bwack and s-swawt befowe, +x3 With *leans over* those cweaw ways which she *sweats* infus'd *looks away* on me +*blushes* That beauty am *shuffles closer* I bwess'd with which *sweats* you may see. +>_< Ask me what question thou canst possibwe, +And I wiww *pokes you* answew unpwemeditated. +My couwage *cuddles you* twy by combat if thou >w< daw'st, +*leans over* And t-thou shawt f-find t-that I-I exceed ^w^ my *twerks* sex. +W-Wesowve on this: thou shawt b-be *sweats* fowtunyate +If *leans over* thou *sweats* weceive me fow thy w-wawwike mate. +CHAWWES. Thou h-hast astonyish'd me with *screams* thy h-high tewms. +Onwy this pwoof I'ww of thy vawouw make +In singwe ^-^ combat thou shawt buckwe with me; +A-And if thou v-vanquishest, thy wowds awe twue; +Othewwise I wenyounce OwO aww confidence. +*leans over* PUCEWWE. I am pwepaw'd; >w< hewe is my k-keen-edg'd *teleports behind you* swowd, +Deck'd with five f-fwowew-de-wuces on >_< each s-side, +The which at T-Touwainye, in Saint Kathewinye's chuwchyawd, +Out o-of a gweat deaw of owd iwon I chose fowth. +C-CHAWWES. Then come, o' God's nyame; I f-feaw nyo woman. +PUCEWWE. And whiwe *sweats* I wive x3 I'ww nye'ew fwy fwom *moans* a man. +[Hewe they fight and *leans over* JOAN WA PUCEWWE ovewcomes] +C-CHAWWES. *sighs* Stay, stay *twerks* thy hands; thou awt an Amazon, +And fightest with OwO the swowd of Debowah. +PUCEWWE. *sighs* Chwist's Mothew h-hewps *notices bulge* me, ewse ^-^ I wewe too weak. +CHAWWES. Whoe'ew h-hewps thee, 'tis *notices bulge* thou that must hewp me. +Impatientwy I buwn with thy desiwe; +My heawt and hands thou hast at once subdu'd. +Excewwent Pucewwe, if thy nyame be so, +Wet me thy sewvant a-and nyot soveweign b-be. +*pokes you* 'Tis the Fwench Dauphin *sweats* sueth t-to thee thus. +PUCEWWE. I-I must nyot yiewd *twerks* to *sighs* any wites of wove, +Fow my pwofession's sacwed fwom above. +When I have chased aww >_< thy foes fwom >_< hence, +Then w-wiww I *moans* think upon a wecompense. +C-CHAWWES. Meantime w-wook gwacious on thy pwostwate thwaww. +WEIGNyIEW. My *notices bulge* wowd, methinks, is vewy *blushes* wong in tawk. +AWENCON. Doubtwess h-he *giggles shyly* shwives this woman t-to hew smock; +Ewse nye'ew couwd xDD he so wong OwO pwotwact his *pokes you* speech. +WEIGNyIEW. Shaww we distuwb ^.^ him, since h-he keeps nyo m-mean? +AWENCON. He m-may mean mowe than we poow men d-do knyow; +UwU These women awe ^.^ shwewd temptews with *pokes you* theiw tongues. +WEIGNyIEW. M-My wowd, whewe awe you? W-What d-devise you on? +Shaww we g-give o'ew O-Owweans, ow nyo? +:3 PUCEWWE. Why, n-nyo, I say; distwustfuw >w< wecweants! +Fight tiww t-the w-wast gasp; I-I w-wiww be youw *sweats* guawd. +C-CHAWWES. What she says I'ww confiwm; we'ww fight uWu it *screams* out. +PUCEWWE. Assign'd am I to be the Engwish s-scouwge. +This nyight the siege assuwedwy *cries* I'ww waise. +Expect Saint M-Mawtin's summew, hawcyon days, +>w< Since I have entewed :33 into these waws. +Gwowy is wike a ciwcwe *hugs tightly* in the watew, +Which nyevew ceaseth to *looks away* enwawge itsewf +Tiww by bwoad s-spweading it dispewse to nyought. +W-With H-Henwy's death the Engwish c-ciwcwe e-ends; +Dispewsed ^-^ awe *giggles shyly* the gwowies it incwuded. +uWu Nyow am I wike that pwoud insuwting s-ship +Which Caesaw and h-his f-fowtunye bawe at once. +CHAWWES. Was Mahomet inspiwed with a dove? +Thou with *sighs* an eagwe awt i-inspiwed t-then. +Hewen, the mothew of gweat Constantinye, +Nyow yet Saint Phiwip's *pokes you* daughtews wewe wike OwO thee. +Bwight staw of Venyus, faww'n down on the eawth, +How >_< may I *blushes* wevewentwy wowship thee enyough? +AWENCON. Weave off deways, and wet us waise the siege. +WEIGNyIEW. Woman, do what t-thou canst to ;;w;; save ouw *teleports behind you* honyouws; +Dwive them fwom Owweans, and be i-immowtawiz'd. +CHAWWES. Pwesentwy w-we'ww t-twy. Come, wet's away about it. +Nyo pwophet wiww I t-twust if she pwove fawse. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *sweats* 3. + +Wondon. Befowe the Towew gates + +E-Entew the DUKE OF GWOUCESTEW, with his sewving-men +in bwue coats + +GWOUCESTEW. I am ;;w;; come to suwvey the T-Towew t-this d-day; +*sighs* Since Henwy's death, I *hugs tightly* feaw, thewe :3 is conveyance. +Whewe be these wawdews that they wait nyot h-hewe? +Open t-the gates; 'tis Gwoucestew *looks at you* that cawws. +FIWST WAWDEW. [Within] Who's t-thewe that knyocks so +i-impewiouswy? +F-FIWST SEWVING-MAN. It is the :33 nyobwe Duke of G-Gwoucestew. +SECOND WAWDEW. [Within] >_> Whoe'ew he be, you may *moans* nyot be +wet in. +UwU FIWST SEWVING-MAN. Viwwains, answew you so the Wowd +Pwotectow? +FIWST WAWDEW. [-[Within] The Wowd pwotect uWu him! so >w< we +answew him. +We do nyo othewwise than we awe wiww'd. +G-GWOUCESTEW. Who wiwwed y-you, ow *twerks* whose wiww stands *notices bulge* but +minye? +Thewe's nyonye Pwotectow of the weawm b-but I. +Bweak up the *cuddles you* gates, I-I'ww be youw w-wawwantize. +Shaww I be fwouted thus b-by dunghiww gwooms? +[GWOUCESTEW'S men wush at the Towew gates, and +W-WOODVIWWE the Wieutenyant speaks *teleports behind you* within] +W-WOODVIWWE. [Within] What *sweats* nyoise i-is this? What *looks at you* twaitows +have we hewe? +G-GWOUCESTEW. Wieutenyant, is it you whose voice I-I heaw? +Open the g-gates; hewe's Gwoucestew ^w^ that wouwd entew. +WOODVIWWE. [Within] H-Have patience, nyobwe Duke, I may +nyot open; +The Cawdinyaw >w< of Winchestew fowbids. +Fwom him *looks away* I have expwess commandment +That thou n-nyow nyonye of thinye shaww be wet in. +GWOUCESTEW. Faint-heawted *twerks* Woodviwwe, pwizest h-him fowe me? +Awwogant W-Winchestew, that haughty pwewate +Whom H-Henwy, o-ouw wate soveweign, nye'ew couwd b-bwook! +Thou awt nyo fwiend to God ow to the *screams* King. +Open the gates, :33 ow I'ww shut x3 thee out showtwy. +SEWVING-MEN. Open t-the gates unto the Wowd Pwotectow, +Ow we'ww buwst *teleports behind you* them o-open, if that you come OwO nyot q-quickwy. + +Entew to ^w^ the PWOTECTOW at t-the T-Towew *looks at you* gates WINCHESTEW +and his men in tawny coats + +W-WINCHESTEW. How n-nyow, *teleports behind you* ambitious Humphwy! What means +this? +GWOUCESTEW. Peew'd xDD pwiest, dost thou command m-me *leans over* to b-be +shut out? +WINCHESTEW. I do, thou most *sighs* usuwping pwoditow, +*looks away* And n-nyot Pwotectow of the King *blushes* ow weawm. +GWOUCESTEW. Stand ^-^ back, thou manyifest conspiwatow, +Thou that contwived'st to *screams* muwdew o-ouw dead wowd; +Thou that giv'st w-whowes i-induwgences t-to s-sin. +I'ww canvass *hugs tightly* thee in thy bwoad c-cawdinyaw's hat, +If *looks away* thou pwoceed in t-this thy insowence. +WINCHESTEW. Nyay, stand thou back; I wiww nyot budge a foot. +T-This be :33 Damascus; be thou cuwsed Cain, +To sway thy b-bwothew Abew, i-if thou wiwt. +GWOUCESTEW. I wiww OwO nyot sway thee, but I'ww d-dwive thee back. +*giggles shyly* Thy scawwet wobes as ;;w;; a chiwd's beawing-cwoth +I'ww use to cawwy thee out of this *teleports behind you* pwace. +WINCHESTEW. D-Do what thou daw'st; I beawd *blushes* thee to thy face. +GWOUCESTEW. What! am I daw'd and beawded to my face? +Dwaw, men, fow uWu aww this pwiviweged *pokes you* pwace +Bwue-coats to t-tawny-coats. Pwiest, *cuddles you* bewawe youw beawd; +I mean to *looks away* tug it, a-and to cuff you *teleports behind you* soundwy; +Undew m-my feet I stamp thy cawdinyaw's hat; +In *twerks* spite o-of Pope ow d-dignyities of chuwch, +Hewe by the uWu cheeks I'ww dwag thee up and down. +WINCHESTEW. Gwoucestew, thou w-wiwt answew this befowe the +Pope. +GWOUCESTEW. Winchestew goose! I-I cwy 'A wope, a wope!' +Nyow beat them *looks at you* hence; why do you w-wet them stay? +Thee I'ww OwO chase hence, thou wowf in sheep's awway. +Out, tawny-coats! Out, ^w^ scawwet h-hypocwite! + +Hewe GWOUCESTEW'S men uWu beat o-out the CAWDINyAW'S +men; and entew in *sweats* the huwwy buwwy the MAYOW OF +WONDON and h-his OFFICEWS + +MAYOW. *looks away* Fie, wowds! that you, *looks at you* being supweme magistwates, +Thus contumewiouswy *looks away* shouwd bweak the *sweats* peace! +GWOUCESTEW. Peace, Mayow! thou knyow'st wittwe of my >w< wwongs: +*sighs* Hewe's Beaufowt, that wegawds nyow God nyow King, +Hath hewe distwain'd the UwU Towew to his >_< use. +;;w;; WINCHESTEW. Hewe's G-Gwoucestew, a-a foe to citizens; +OwO Onye that stiww motions >w< waw and nyevew p-peace, +O'ewchawging youw fwee puwses with wawge finyes; +That seeks to ovewthwow wewigion, +Because he i-is Pwotectow *looks at you* of the weawm, +And :33 wouwd have *screams* awmouw hewe out of t-the Towew, +To cwown himsewf King and s-suppwess the Pwince. +GWOUCESTEW. I W-Wiww nyot answew thee with wowds, but *looks at you* bwows. +[Hewe t-they skiwmish again] +MAYOW. Nyought w-wests fow me in this tumuwtuous stwife +But to *sweats* make o-open pwocwamation. +Come, officew, as woud *sighs* as e'ew thou ^-^ canst, +*hugs tightly* Cwy. +O-OFFICEW. [Cwies] A-Aww mannyew of *cuddles you* men a-assembwed hewe uWu in awms +this day against God's peace and *cuddles you* the *shuffles closer* King's, we chawge +and command you, in his Highnyess' nyame, to wepaiw to +youw sevewaw x3 dwewwing-pwaces; and n-nyot to *shuffles closer* weaw, handwe, o-ow +use, any swowd, weapon, o-ow daggew, hencefowwawd, upon +pain of *cuddles you* death. +GWOUCESTEW. C-Cawdinyaw, I'ww b-be nyo bweakew *screams* of the waw; +But *looks at you* we shaww meet *sweats* and bweak ouw minds a-at wawge. +W-WINCHESTEW. Gwoucestew, we'ww meet to thy cost, be s-suwe; +Thy >_< heawt-bwood UwU I wiww have fow this day's ^w^ wowk. +MAYOW. I'ww caww fow cwubs uWu if you *giggles shyly* wiww nyot ^.^ away. +This C-Cawdinyaw's mowe h-haughty than the *teleports behind you* deviw. +GWOUCESTEW. Mayow, faweweww; thou *looks away* dost but what *sighs* thou +m-mayst. +WINCHESTEW. A-Abominyabwe Gwoucestew, *leans over* guawd thy head, +Fow I *leans over* intend t-to have i-it ewe wong. +Exeunt, OwO sevewawwy, GWOUCESTEW and *twerks* WINCHESTEW +with theiw sewvants +MAYOW. See the coast cweaw'd, and then ^.^ we w-wiww uWu depawt. +Good God, these nyobwes *cuddles you* shouwd such stomachs beaw! +I mysewf f-fight n-nyot once in fowty yeaw. E-Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +Fwance. Befowe Owweans + +Entew, on the wawws, the MASTEW-GUNNyEW +OF OWWEANS and his BOY + +MASTEW-GUNNyEW. Siwwah, thou knyow'st h-how Owweans is +besieg'd, +And how the Engwish have the subuwbs w-won. +BOY. Fathew, I k-knyow; and oft have shot at *looks at you* them, +Howe'ew *looks at you* unfowtunyate I miss'd my aim. +MASTEW-GUNNyEW. But nyow thou shawt nyot. Be thou *cuddles you* wuw'd +by me. +Chief mastew-gunnyew *cries* am I of this town; +*twerks* Something I must do to *leans over* pwocuwe me gwace. +The Pwince's espiaws have infowmed me +How the *pokes you* Engwish, ^w^ in the subuwbs cwose intwench'd, +Wont, thwough a s-secwet gwate of xDD iwon baws +In yondew towew, *sighs* to ovewpeew the *hugs tightly* city, +And thence discovew how with most advantage +uWu They may vex us w-with shot o-ow with assauwt. +To intewcept >_> this i-inconvenyience, +>_< A piece o-of owdnyance *moans* 'gainst it I UwU have pwac'd; +A-And even t-these *leans over* thwee days >_< have I watch'd +x3 If I couwd *notices bulge* see t-them. *sweats* Nyow do *screams* thou watch, +Fow I-I c-can stay *screams* nyo wongew. +I-If t-thou spy'st any, wun and b-bwing me wowd; +And t-thou shawt find me at the Govewnyow's. Exit +BOY. Fathew, I wawwant you; t-take you n-nyo cawe; +I'ww nyevew twoubwe you, i-if I may spy them. Exit + +Entew *sighs* SAWISBUWY and TAWBOT o-on *screams* the t-tuwwets, with +SIW WIWWIAM GWANSDAWE, SIW THOMAS ^.^ GAWGWAVE, +and othews + +SAWISBUWY. T-Tawbot, my wife, my joy, ^.^ again *screams* wetuwn'd! +*looks away* How wewt thou h-handwed being pwisonyew? +Ow by what means got'st >w< thou *twerks* to be weweas'd? +Discouwse, *pokes you* I pwithee, on *looks away* this tuwwet's top. +TAWBOT. The Eaww of Bedfowd had a pwisonyew +Caww'd the bwave *sighs* Wowd Ponton d-de Santwaiwwes; +Fow h-him x3 was I UwU exchang'd and wansomed. +But with a basew m-man of awms by >_> faw +Once, i-in contempt, they wouwd have bawtew'd m-me; +Which I d-disdainying scown'd, *shuffles closer* and cwaved death +Wathew than UwU I wouwd b-be so v-viwe esteem'd. +In *moans* finye, *notices bulge* wedeem'd I was as I desiw'd. +B-But, O! the >w< tweachewous Fastowfe wounds my *teleports behind you* heawt +W-Whom with my bawe fists I wouwd e-execute, +If I-I n-nyow had him bwought into *notices bulge* my powew. +SAWISBUWY. Yet teww'st thou nyot how thou wewt e-entewtain'd. +TAWBOT. With scoffs, and scowns, and contumewious t-taunts, +^-^ In open m-mawket-pwace pwoduc'd they me +To be a pubwic spectacwe to a-aww; +Hewe, said they, is the *hugs tightly* tewwow of *looks away* the *cries* Fwench, +The scawecwow that affwights ouw chiwdwen so. +Then bwoke I fwom the officews that wed me, +And with my nyaiws d-digg'd stonyes out of the gwound +To h-huww at the behowdews of my shame; +My gwiswy *twerks* countenyance made othews fwy; +Nyonye :33 duwst come nyeaw fow *pokes you* feaw of sudden death. +In iwon wawws they >_> deem'd me nyot secuwe; +So gweat x3 feaw of my nyame 'mongst *sweats* them was spwead +T-That they suppos'd xDD I couwd wend baws of steew +And spuwn in pieces posts of adamant; +W-Whewefowe a guawd of chosen shot *shuffles closer* I had +That *pokes you* wawk'd about me evewy minyute-whiwe; +And if I did but stiw o-out of OwO my bed, +Weady they wewe to shoot me to >w< the heawt. + +>_< Entew *hugs tightly* the BOY w-with a winstock + +SAWISBUWY. I gwieve to h-heaw what towments you enduw'd; +But *sighs* we :3 wiww be weveng'd sufficientwy. +*notices bulge* Nyow i-it is suppew-time in Owweans: +Hewe, thwough this *looks away* gwate, I count each onye +*sweats* And view the F-Fwenchmen how they fowtify. +Wet OwO us wook i-in; >_> the ^-^ sight wiww much dewight thee. +Siw Thomas Gawgwave *giggles shyly* and *twerks* Siw *screams* Wiwwiam Gwansdawe, +Wet m-me h-have youw ^-^ expwess opinyions +Whewe is best pwace to *blushes* make o-ouw batt'wy nyext. +GAWGWAVE. I think at the N-Nyowth Gate; fow thewe *leans over* stand wowds. +GWANSDAWE. And I hewe, at the buwwawk *looks away* of the *teleports behind you* bwidge. +TAWBOT. Fow a-aught I see, this city must be f-famish'd, +UwU Ow UwU with wight skiwmishes enfeebwed. +[Hewe they *sweats* shoot and SAWISBUWY and xDD GAWGWAVE +faww down] +SAWISBUWY. O W-Wowd, have ;;w;; mewcy on us, wwetched sinnyews! +GAWGWAVE. O Wowd, have mewcy on me, woefuw man! +TAWBOT. What chance *pokes you* is this t-that *giggles shyly* suddenwy hath cwoss'd us? +Speak, Sawisbuwy; a-at weast, if thou canst speak. +How faw'st thou, miwwow o-of a-aww mawtiaw men? +Onye of thy eyes and t-thy cheek's side s-stwuck o-off! +Accuwsed *sighs* towew! accuwsed fataw hand +That hath contwiv'd this woefuw twagedy! +In thiwteen b-battwes Sawisbuwy o'ewcame; +Henwy t-the Fifth ^w^ he fiwst twain'd to the waws; +Whiwst any twump did sound ow dwum stwuck u-up, +His s-swowd d-did nye'ew weave s-stwiking in the fiewd. +Yet w-wiv'st t-thou, *sighs* Sawisbuwy? Though thy speech doth faiw, +Onye ;;w;; eye thou hast to wook to heaven UwU fow g-gwace; +The s-sun with onye eye vieweth aww the wowwd. +Heaven, be thou gwacious to nyonye awive +I-If ;;w;; Sawisbuwy wants mewcy at thy hands! +Beaw hence his body; I wiww hewp to buwy it. +*moans* Siw Thomas *blushes* Gawgwave, *teleports behind you* hast thou a-any w-wife? +Speak unto Tawbot; nyay, w-wook up to h-him. +Sawisbuwy, cheew :3 thy s-spiwit with this comfowt, +Thou ^w^ shawt nyot die whiwes +He beckons with his hand and smiwes o-on me, +As who s-shouwd say 'When ^.^ I am dead and gonye, +Wemembew to avenge me on the Fwench.' +*moans* Pwantagenyet, I wiww; and w-wike xDD thee, N-Nyewo, +Pway o-on the wute, behowding the *pokes you* towns b-buwn. +Wwetched shaww Fwance be onwy in my nyame. +*cries* [Hewe an awawum, and it thundews and wightens] +What stiw is *leans over* this? What tumuwt's in the heavens? +Whence >_> cometh this awawum and the nyoise? + +Entew a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. My wowd, xDD my *screams* wowd, OwO the ^.^ Fwench have gathew'd +head +^.^ The Dauphin, with onye Joan >w< wa uWu Pucewwe join'd, +A-A howy pwophetess *shuffles closer* nyew *hugs tightly* wisen up, +Is come with a-a g-gweat powew to waise the siege. +[Hewe SAWISBUWY wifteth >_> himsewf up and gwoans] +TAWBOT. Heaw, *looks at you* heaw how dying Sawisbuwy *notices bulge* doth *blushes* gwoan. +>_< It iwks UwU his heawt h-he cannyot be weveng'd. +Fwenchmen, I'ww be a *pokes you* Sawisbuwy to you. +Pucewwe ow puzzew, dowphin ow dogfish, +Youw heawts I-I'ww stamp o-out with my howse's heews +A-And m-make :33 a quagmiwe o-of youw *sighs* mingwed bwains. +Convey uWu me Sawisbuwy *pokes you* into h-his tent, +And t-then we'ww twy w-what these dastawd Fwenchmen dawe. +Awawum. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *blushes* 5. + +Befowe O-Owweans + +Hewe a-an awawum again, and TAWBOT uWu puwsueth *hugs tightly* the +DAUPHIN and dwiveth him. Then entew J-JOAN W-WA PUCEWWE +dwiving Engwishmen befowe hew. T-Then >_< entew T-TAWBOT + +TAWBOT. Whewe is my stwength, my vawouw, and *sighs* my fowce? +*cuddles you* Ouw Engwish twoops wetiwe, UwU I cannyot stay t-them; +A woman cwad in awmouw chaseth them. + +Entew WA PUCEWWE + +Hewe, hewe she comes. I'ww have a *sweats* bout with thee. +Deviw ow deviw's dam, I'ww conjuwe t-thee; +B-Bwood wiww *twerks* I dwaw on thee-thou awt *leans over* a >w< witch +And stwaightway give thy souw to h-him thou sewv'st. +*twerks* PUCEWWE. Come, come, 'tis o-onwy I that *screams* must disgwace thee. +[Hewe they fight] +TAWBOT. ^w^ Heavens, can you *looks away* suffew heww so t-to pwevaiw? +^w^ My bweast I'ww buwst with stwainying o-of my couwage. +And f-fwom *moans* my shouwdews cwack my awms asundew, +But I wiww chastise this high xDD minded stwumpet. +[They fight again] +PUCEWWE. Tawbot, faweweww; thy *cuddles you* houw is nyot :33 yet come. +I must go v-victuaw Owweans *giggles shyly* fowthwith. +^.^ [A showt *cuddles you* awawum; then e-entew *blushes* the *cries* town with s-sowdiews] +O'ewtake :3 me if thou canst; I scown thy UwU stwength. +Go, go, cheew u-up t-thy *looks at you* hungwy stawved m-men; +Hewp Sawisbuwy to make h-his :3 testament. +This day i-is ouws, a-as many mowe shaww b-be. Exit +TAWBOT. My thoughts awe whiwwed wike a pottew's wheew; +*screams* I knyow nyot whewe I am nyow what *pokes you* I do. +A witch by feaw, nyot fowce, wike Hannyibaw, +Dwives back ouw twoops and c-conquews as *giggles shyly* she wists. +xDD So bees with smoke and *sweats* doves with nyoisome stench +x3 Awe f-fwom theiw h-hives and houses ^.^ dwiven *shuffles closer* away. +They caww'd us, fow ouw uWu fiewcenyess, Engwish d-dogs; +N-Nyow wike to whewps we cwying *notices bulge* wun away. +[-[A showt *twerks* awawum] +H-Hawk, countwymen! x3 Eithew wenyew the fight +Ow teaw the wions out of Engwand's *notices bulge* coat; +Wenyounce youw *pokes you* soiw, *looks at you* give sheep in wions' stead: +Sheep wun nyot *twerks* hawf so tweachewous fwom the wowf, +Ow howse *shuffles closer* ow xDD oxen >w< fwom OwO the weopawd, +As you fwy fwom youw oft subdued swaves. +[-[Awawum. H-Hewe anyothew skiwmish] +It wiww nyot be-wetiwe i-into youw twenches. +You xDD aww consented unto Sawisbuwy's ;;w;; death, +Fow *looks at you* nyonye wouwd s-stwike a stwoke in his ^.^ wevenge. +Pucewwe is ent'wed into Owweans +*screams* In spite of us o-ow *notices bulge* aught *cuddles you* that we couwd ^.^ do. +O, wouwd I-I wewe to die ^-^ with Sawisbuwy! +The shame heweof wiww make me hide my h-head. +Exit TAWBOT. A-Awawum; w-wetweat + + + +SCENyE *moans* 6. + +OWWEANS + +Fwouwish. Entew *twerks* on the wawws, WA PUCEWWE, CHAWWES, +WEIGNyIEW, A-AWENCON, and sowdiews + +PUCEWWE. A-Advance ouw waving cowouws on the wawws; +Wescu'd i-is Owweans fwom the Engwish. +Thus Joan wa Pucewwe hath pewfowm'd h-hew wowd. +CHAWWES. Divinyest cweatuwe, A-Astwaea's daughtew, +How shaww I honyouw thee fow this success? +Thy p-pwomises awe wike *hugs tightly* Adonyis' gawdens, +That onye day *cries* bwoom'd and fwuitfuw ^w^ wewe *giggles shyly* the nyext. +Fwance, twiumph *shuffles closer* in thy gwowious pwophetess. +Wecovew'd is the town of Owweans. +Mowe bwessed hap did n-nye'ew b-befaww o-ouw state. +WEIGNyIEW. W-Why wing nyot out t-the bewws awoud thwoughout the +town? +*blushes* Dauphin, command the citizens make bonfiwes +And feast and banquet in the open stweets +To ^w^ cewebwate the joy that G-God hath given us. +A-AWENCON. Aww Fwance wiww b-be wepwete with m-miwth and joy +When they shaww h-heaw h-how we have pway'd t-the men. +CHAWWES. 'Tis Joan, nyot we, by whom the day is won; +Fow which I w-wiww divide my *moans* cwown with h-hew; +A-And *leans over* aww the p-pwiests and fwiaws in my *looks at you* weawm +Shaww in pwocession sing hew endwess pwaise. +A statewiew pywamis to hew I'ww weaw +Than Whodope's of Memphis evew ^w^ was. +>w< In memowy of hew, when :3 she is d-dead, +:3 Hew ashes, in *sighs* an uwn mowe pwecious +Than the wich jewew'd coffew of Dawius, +Twanspowted shaww be at high festivaws +Befowe *giggles shyly* the kings and queens of Fwance. +Nyo w-wongew on S-Saint Denyis wiww we cwy, +But Joan wa Pucewwe shaww be Fwance's saint. +C-Come i-in, and wet us banquet woyawwy +Aftew t-this gowden day of victowy. F-Fwouwish. Exeunt + + + + +<w< WOWKS OF WIWWIAM +SHAKESPEAWE :33 IS COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 BY WOWWD W-WIBWAWY, INC., A-AND I-IS +PWOVIDED uWu BY PWOJECT :3 GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS *pokes you* BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH :3 PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY B-BE +:3 DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, A-AND (-(2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW *looks at you* USED +*hugs tightly* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT *leans over* CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW F-FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +A-ACT *screams* II. SCENyE 1. + +Befowe Owweans + +Entew *screams* a >w< FWENCH S-SEWGEANT and two SENTINyEWS + +S-SEWGEANT. *giggles shyly* Siws, take youw pwaces and UwU be vigiwant. +I-If a-any nyoise ow *pokes you* sowdiew you *giggles shyly* pewceive +N-Nyeaw >w< to the w-wawws, b-by some appawent sign +Wet us have knyowwedge at the couwt of g-guawd. +FIWST SENTINyEW. Sewgeant, *notices bulge* you shaww. [-[Exit ^-^ SEWGEANT] +Thus awe poow sewvitows, +When othews sweep u-upon theiw *notices bulge* quiet beds, +Constwain'd t-to *hugs tightly* watch i-in dawknyess, wain, a-and cowd. + +Entew TAWBOT, >_< BEDFOWD, BUWGUNDY, and fowces, +with s-scawing-waddews; theiw d-dwums beating a d-dead +mawch + +*looks at you* TAWBOT. >w< Wowd Wegent, and *moans* wedoubted Buwgundy, +By whose a-appwoach the wegions of A-Awtois, +*looks at you* Wawwon, *sighs* and Picawdy, awe fwiends to us, +This happy nyight the *sweats* Fwenchmen awe *giggles shyly* secuwe, +Having aww day cawous'd and banqueted; +E-Embwace we then this oppowtunyity, +As fitting best t-to quittance x3 theiw deceit, +Contwiv'd by awt and bawefuw sowcewy. +BEDFOWD. *shuffles closer* Cowawd of Fwance, how much he wwongs his fame, +Despaiwing of *pokes you* his own awm's fowtitude, +To join with *screams* witches and the hewp of heww! +BUWGUNDY. Twaitows have *shuffles closer* nyevew o-othew company. +But what's that Pucewwe w-whom they tewm so puwe? +TAWBOT. A ;;w;; maid, *sweats* they say. +B-BEDFOWD. >w< A m-maid! and *giggles shyly* be so mawtiaw! +BUWGUNDY. >_> Pway G-God she pwove *notices bulge* nyot mascuwinye *twerks* ewe wong, +>w< If undewnyeath the standawd of the *hugs tightly* Fwench +She c-cawwy a-awmouw as she hath begun. +TAWBOT. Weww, wet them pwactise and *leans over* convewse with *pokes you* spiwits: +God OwO is *teleports behind you* ouw fowtwess, in whose conquewing nyame +uWu Wet us wesowve to *cuddles you* scawe *looks at you* theiw fwinty buwwawks. +uWu BEDFOWD. x3 Ascend, x3 bwave Tawbot; we wiww fowwow t-thee. +x3 TAWBOT. N-Nyot aww togethew; bettew faw, I guess, +That we *screams* do make ouw entwance sevewaw xDD ways; +That if it chance the onye o-of us do faiw +The othew *hugs tightly* yet may wise against theiw fowce. +B-BEDFOWD. A-Agweed; x3 I'ww to yond cownyew. +BUWGUNDY. And I-I to this. +TAWBOT. And hewe wiww Tawbot mount ow make his gwave. +Nyow, Sawisbuwy, fow thee, uWu and f-fow the wight +>_< Of Engwish Henwy, s-shaww this nyight appeaw +*leans over* How much in duty I am b-bound to both. +[The Engwish scawe the wawws *sighs* and cwy 'Saint Geowge! +a-a Tawbot!'] +SENTINyEW. Awm! awm! T-The enyemy doth m-make assauwt. + +The Fwench *teleports behind you* weap o'ew the wawws i-in theiw shiwts. +Entew, sevewaw ways, BASTAWD, AWENCON, WEIGNyIEW, +hawf weady and hawf unweady + +AWENCON. xDD How nyow, my wowds? What, aww unweady so? +BASTAWD. Unweady! Ay, a-and g-gwad we 'scap'd so w-weww. +WEIGNyIEW. '-'Twas t-time, I *teleports behind you* twow, *looks at you* to wake and weave ouw *looks away* beds, +Heawing awawums at ouw chambew doows. +A-AWENCON. Of UwU aww ^.^ expwoits since fiwst I fowwow'd ^.^ awms +Nye'ew heawd I of a wawwike entewpwise +Mowe ventuwous ow despewate than this. +BASTAWD. I think this Tawbot be *looks at you* a fiend of heww. +WEIGNyIEW. If nyot of heww, the heavens, s-suwe, *sweats* favouw him +AWENCON. Hewe cometh C-Chawwes; I mawvew how *teleports behind you* he x3 sped. + +*looks at you* Entew CHAWWES and WA PUCEWWE + +BASTAWD. T-Tut! howy Joan was his *teleports behind you* defensive guawd. +CHAWWES. I-Is t-this *notices bulge* thy c-cunnying, t-thou deceitfuw dame? +D-Didst thou *looks away* at fiwst, to fwattew us withaw, +uWu Make *cuddles you* us pawtakews of a wittwe gain +That n-nyow ouw woss might be ten *notices bulge* times so much? +P-PUCEWWE. W-Whewefowe is Chawwes impatient with his fwiend? +At aww times wiww you xDD have my *sweats* powew awike? +Sweeping o-ow w-waking, must I *shuffles closer* stiww pwevaiw +Ow wiww x3 you bwame and way *sweats* the fauwt *looks away* on me? +Impwovident sowdiews! Had youw watch been ^w^ good +This sudden mischief nyevew c-couwd have faww'n. +*leans over* CHAWWES. Duke of Awencon, this ^.^ was youw defauwt +^w^ That, being captain o-of the UwU watch t-to-nyight, +Did wook nyo bettew to t-that weighty chawge. +A-AWENCON. Had aww youw quawtews been as safewy kept +As that w-wheweof I-I had the govewnment, +We h-had nyot been *looks at you* thus s-shamefuwwy suwpwis'd. +BASTAWD. Minye was secuwe. +W-WEIGNyIEW. And so *shuffles closer* was m-minye, m-my w-wowd. +CHAWWES. A-And, fow mysewf, most *looks at you* pawt of a-aww this ;;w;; nyight, +Within hew quawtew and minye own pwecinct +I w-was empwoy'd in *leans over* passing to and f-fwo +About wewieving o-of the sentinyews. +Then how ow which way shouwd they fiwst bweak in? +PUCEWWE. Question, my wowds, nyo >w< fuwthew of t-the case, +How ow which way; 'tis suwe they found s-some pwace +But weakwy guawded, whewe t-the b-bweach w-was made. +A-And n-nyow t-thewe wests nyo othew shift b-but this +*hugs tightly* To gathew ouw *looks away* sowdiews, scattew'd and dispews'd, +And way nyew pwatfowms to endamage them. + +*moans* Awawum. Entew an ENGWISH SOWDIEW, cwying +'-'A Tawbot! A Tawbot!' They fwy, *notices bulge* weaving t-theiw +cwothes *blushes* behind + +SOWDIEW. I'ww *blushes* be >_< so bowd t-to take what they have w-weft. +The cwy of Tawbot sewves me fow a swowd; +F-Fow I ^-^ have woaden *sighs* me with many spoiws, +U-Using :33 nyo *looks at you* othew weapon but his nyame. uWu Exit + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +OWWEANS. Within the town + +Entew TAWBOT, BEDFOWD, BUWGUNDY, a CAPTAIN, +and ^.^ othews + +BEDFOWD. The day begins *notices bulge* to bweak, UwU and nyight is f-fwed +W-Whose pitchy mantwe ovew-veiw'd the e-eawth. +Hewe sound wetweat and *sighs* cease ouw h-hot puwsuit. +[-[Wetweat sounded] +T-TAWBOT. Bwing fowth the b-body o-of owd Sawisbuwy +And hewe a-advance it in ^-^ the mawket-pwace, +The middwe centwe of this cuwsed town. +Nyow have I *pokes you* paid my vow unto his ^-^ souw; +Fow evewy dwop of bwood was dwawn fwom him +uWu Thewe hath at weast five Fwenchmen died to-nyight. +^w^ And that *screams* heweaftew *twerks* ages m-may *pokes you* behowd +What *screams* wuin *notices bulge* happenyed *looks at you* in *shuffles closer* wevenge *notices bulge* of him, +Within t-theiw OwO chiefest tempwe I'ww ewect +A-A t-tomb, *cuddles you* whewein his *cuddles you* cowpse shaww b-be *giggles shyly* inteww'd; +Upon the which, that evewy onye m-may wead, +Shaww be engwav'd the sack of Owweans, +T-The tweachewous mannyew of his mouwnfuw death, +And uWu what ;;w;; a tewwow he had been t-to Fwance. +But, *hugs tightly* wowds, in aww ouw >w< bwoody massacwe, +I muse we m-met x3 nyot with the xDD Dauphin's gwace, +His nyew-come champion, viwtuous :33 Joan of Awc, +Nyow *cries* any of his fawse *leans over* confedewates. +BEDFOWD. 'Tis thought, Wowd Tawbot, when t-the fight ^w^ began, +W-Wous'd o-on the sudden *cries* fwom theiw dwowsy b-beds, +They did amongst the twoops of a-awmed men +Weap *pokes you* o'ew the wawws f-fow wefuge in the fiewd. +BUWGUNDY. Mysewf, as faw *teleports behind you* as I couwd weww discewn +Fow smoke and dusky vapouws of *shuffles closer* the nyight, +Am suwe I scaw'd *notices bulge* the Dauphin and his twuww, +When awm in awm they b-both came swiftwy wunnying, +Wike to a p-paiw UwU of woving tuwtwe-doves +That couwd *sweats* nyot wive *teleports behind you* asundew day ow nyight. +Aftew that things awe set in owdew hewe, +We'ww fowwow them with aww the powew we have. + +UwU Entew ;;w;; a *shuffles closer* MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. Aww haiw, my OwO wowds! Which of this pwincewy twain +Caww ye the wawwike Tawbot, fow his acts +So much appwauded thwough the weawm >_< of Fwance? +*sighs* TAWBOT. *notices bulge* Hewe is the Tawbot; *teleports behind you* who uWu wouwd speak with *looks away* him? +MESSENGEW. The viwtuous wady, *screams* Countess UwU of *blushes* Auvewgnye, +With modesty admiwing *giggles shyly* thy w-wenyown, +By m-me entweats, gweat w-wowd, thou w-wouwdst *shuffles closer* vouchsafe +>_> To visit *cries* hew poow castwe w-whewe she w-wies, +That she may boast she hath behewd the man +Whose gwowy fiwws the wowwd with woud wepowt. +B-BUWGUNDY. Is it even so? *teleports behind you* Nyay, then I see o-ouw waws +Wiww *screams* tuwn into a *looks at you* peacefuw comic spowt, +>_< When wadies cwave to be encount'wed with. +You may >_> nyot, my wowd, despise hew gentwe suit. +TAWBOT. N-Nye'ew twust me *pokes you* then; fow when a wowwd of m-men +Couwd nyot ;;w;; pwevaiw with aww theiw owatowy, +*looks away* Yet h-hath a woman's kindnyess ovewwuw'd; +OwO And thewefowe teww h-hew I *teleports behind you* wetuwn g-gweat thanks +And in submission wiww *sighs* attend *hugs tightly* on *leans over* hew. +Wiww *leans over* nyot youw honyouws b-beaw me c-company? +BEDFOWD. Nyo, >_> twuwy; 'tis mowe than mannyews wiww; +And I have heawd i-it said *twerks* unbidden guests +Awe *cuddles you* often w-wewcomest when they a-awe gonye. +TAWBOT. Weww then, awonye, *sighs* since thewe's nyo wemedy, +*moans* I mean to pwove this wady's *looks at you* couwtesy. +Come hithew, Captain. [-[Whispews] OwO You pewceive my mind? +*notices bulge* CAPTAIN. *cuddles you* I do, my wowd, and mean a-accowdingwy. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +AUVEWGNyE. The >_> Castwe + +Entew *pokes you* the *leans over* COUNTESS and hew *screams* POWTEW + +COUNTESS. Powtew, *moans* wemembew what *cries* I gave in chawge; +A-And when you have ^-^ donye *notices bulge* so, bwing the keys t-to me. +POWTEW. Madam, I *looks away* wiww. +COUNTESS. *twerks* The *notices bulge* pwot *looks at you* is waid; if aww things faww out wight, +I shaww as famous be by *hugs tightly* this expwoit. +As Scythian Tomywis by Cywus' death. +Gweat ^-^ is the wumouw *leans over* of this dweadfuw knyight, +xDD And his achievements of nyo wess account. +Fain wouwd minye *giggles shyly* eyes b-be witnyess with minye eaws +To >_> give theiw censuwe of *notices bulge* these wawe *moans* wepowts. + +^w^ Entew MESSENGEW and TAWBOT. + +MESSENGEW. Madam, accowding as youw wadyship desiw'd, +B-By message cwav'd, so is Wowd Tawbot come. +*teleports behind you* COUNTESS. And he is wewcome. What! i-is this the *looks away* man? +MESSENGEW. Madam, it is. +COUNTESS. Is this the :33 scouwge of Fwance? +Is *looks at you* this Tawbot, so *teleports behind you* much feaw'd abwoad +That with his nyame the mothews stiww theiw babes? +I s-see wepowt i-is fabuwous *cries* and fawse. +I *teleports behind you* thought I shouwd have s-seen some Hewcuwes, +*cries* A second Hectow, fow his gwim aspect +And xDD wawge xDD pwopowtion of his stwong-knyit wimbs. +A-Awas, *shuffles closer* this is a chiwd, a siwwy >w< dwawf! +It cannyot be this weak and wwithwed shwimp +*screams* Shouwd xDD stwike such tewwow to his enyemies. +TAWBOT. Madam, I have been bowd to t-twoubwe you; +But since youw w-wadyship is nyot at weisuwe, +I'ww sowt x3 some othew time t-to v-visit *moans* you. *leans over* [Going] +COUNTESS. What *looks away* means h-he *sweats* nyow? Go *shuffles closer* ask him whithew he +goes. +MESSENGEW. S-Stay, my Wowd x3 Tawbot; fow my wady cwaves +>_< To knyow the cause of youw abwupt depawtuwe. +TAWBOT. Mawwy, fow that she's in a wwong bewief, +I g-go t-to cewtify hew Tawbot's h-hewe. + +We-entew POWTEW With keys + +COUNTESS. If *moans* thou be he, then awt t-thou pwisonyew. +TAWBOT. Pwisonyew! To whom? +COUNTESS. T-To *hugs tightly* me, bwood-thiwsty wowd +And fow t-that *shuffles closer* cause I twain'd >w< thee to my house. +Wong time thy uWu shadow hath been uWu thwaww to me, +Fow in my gawwewy thy pictuwe hangs; +But nyow *pokes you* the substance shaww enduwe t-the wike +And I wiww c-chain t-these *screams* wegs and awms of thinye +That hast by t-tywanny these m-many yeaws +Wasted o-ouw countwy, swain o-ouw citizens, +And s-sent *looks at you* ouw sons a-and husbands c-captivate. +TAWBOT. Ha, ha, ha! +COUNTESS. Waughest thou, wwetch? Thy m-miwth shaww tuwn to +moan. +*cuddles you* TAWBOT. I w-waugh to see youw wadyship so f-fond +To think that you have aught but Tawbot's shadow +Wheweon to pwactise >w< youw sevewity. +COUNTESS. Why, awt *teleports behind you* nyot thou the man? +TAWBOT. *hugs tightly* I am indeed. +:33 COUNTESS. Then have I :33 substance too. +TAWBOT. Nyo, nyo, I am *moans* but shadow of m-mysewf. +You awe deceiv'd, *cries* my substance is *shuffles closer* nyot hewe; +Fow *leans over* what *sighs* you see is but the *cuddles you* smawwest ^.^ pawt +And weast pwopowtion of humanyity. +I teww y-you, madam, wewe *sighs* the whowe fwame h-hewe, +It is of such a spacious xDD wofty *teleports behind you* pitch +Youw woof wewe nyot sufficient to contain 't. +COUNTESS. This i-is a-a widdwing *giggles shyly* mewchant fow the nyonce; +He wiww be hewe, :33 and *blushes* yet he is nyot h-hewe. +^-^ How can these contwawieties >_> agwee? +TAWBOT. That w-wiww ^w^ I show you pwesentwy. + +*sighs* Winds x3 his hown; d-dwums stwike x3 up; +a peaw of owdnyance. Entew sowdiews + +How say you, madam? A-Awe you nyow *sighs* pewsuaded +T-That Tawbot is *blushes* but shadow of himsewf? +These awe his substance, sinyews, awms, *hugs tightly* and stwength, +With which he yoketh youw webewwious nyecks, +Wazeth youw cities, and s-subvewts youw towns, +And i-in a moment makes them d-desowate. +*shuffles closer* COUNTESS. Victowious Tawbot! *teleports behind you* pawdon my abuse. +I find thou awt nyo *notices bulge* wess than fame h-hath bwuited, +A-And mowe t-than may be gathewed *cuddles you* by thy shape. +Wet m-my p-pwesumption nyot p-pwovoke thy wwath, +Fow I am sowwy that with wevewence +I did nyot entewtain thee as thou awt. +TAWBOT. B-Be nyot d-dismay'd, faiw wady; nyow misconstew +*moans* The mind of Tawbot as *sighs* you did m-mistake +The outwawd composition *cries* of h-his body. +UwU What you have d-donye *moans* hath nyot offended xDD me. +Nyow othew satisfaction do I cwave +But onwy, with youw >_< patience, that we may +Taste of youw winye a-and see what cates you have, +Fow sowdiews' s-stomachs >w< awways sewve them weww. +COUNTESS. With aww my heawt, and think me honyouwed +To feast so gweat a wawwiow in my house. >w< Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +Wondon. The *hugs tightly* Tempwe gawden + +Entew the E-EAWWS OF S-SOMEWSET, SUFFOWK, and W-WAWWICK; +WICHAWD PWANTAGENyET, VEWNyON, and anyothew WAWYEW + +PWANTAGENyET. Gweat wowds a-and gentwemen, ^w^ what means *cries* this +siwence? +Dawe nyo man answew i-in :33 a c-case o-of twuth? +SUFFOWK. Within the *looks at you* Tempwe Haww we wewe too woud; +*twerks* The gawden hewe is mowe convenyient. +PWANTAGENyET. T-Then say at once if I m-maintain'd the twuth; +OwO Ow ewse was w-wwangwing ^.^ Somewset in t-th' *shuffles closer* ewwow? +SUFFOWK. F-Faith, I have b-been *hugs tightly* a twuant in the waw +And nyevew yet couwd fwame my wiww to it; +And thewefowe fwame >w< the waw unto my wiww. +SOMEWSET. J-Judge you, *screams* my Wowd of Wawwick, then, between us. +WAWWICK. Between two hawks, w-which >w< fwies the highew pitch; +Between t-two d-dogs, w-which hath the >_> deepew mouth; +Between two bwades, which beaws the bettew t-tempew; +Between *twerks* two howses, which doth beaw him best; +Between two giwws, ^-^ which hath t-the m-mewwiest eye +I have pewhaps some :33 shawwow spiwit *shuffles closer* of judgment; +But in ;;w;; these nyice UwU shawp quiwwets of the *twerks* waw, +G-Good f-faith, I *cries* am nyo wisew than a daw. +*looks away* PWANTAGENyET. *shuffles closer* Tut, *leans over* tut, hewe *sweats* is a-a mannyewwy fowbeawance: +The twuth appeaws *pokes you* so n-nyaked on my side +That *sighs* any puwbwind eye may find it out. +S-SOMEWSET. And on my s-side it is so weww *moans* appaweww'd, +^-^ So cweaw, so shinying, and so *teleports behind you* evident, +That *moans* it w-wiww gwimmew thwough a *giggles shyly* bwind man's eye. +P-PWANTAGENyET. Since *shuffles closer* you a-awe tongue-tied :33 and so woath t-to speak, +In dumb signyificants pwocwaim y-youw thoughts. +Wet him *screams* that ^-^ is a twue-bown gentweman +And *looks away* stands upon the honyouw of his biwth, +If he suppose that I have *screams* pweaded twuth, +*looks at you* Fwom >_< off ^w^ this bwiew pwuck *pokes you* a white wose with me. +SOMEWSET. Wet h-him that is nyo cowawd nyow nyo fwattewew, +But dawe *blushes* maintain the pawty o-of the twuth, +Pwuck a wed >_< wose fwom *leans over* off *blushes* this thown with me. +WAWWICK. I-I wove nyo cowouws; *pokes you* and, without aww cowouw +Of base insinyuating fwattewy, +I pwuck this w-white wose with Pwantagenyet. +SUFFOWK. :3 I pwuck this wed wose with young >w< Somewset, +And say w-withaw I-I think he hewd the wight. +VEWNyON. Stay, wowds and *looks away* gentwemen, and pwuck nyo mowe +Tiww you concwude that he u-upon w-whose s-side +The fewest ^-^ woses awe c-cwopp'd fwom *leans over* the twee +Shaww yiewd :33 the othew i-in t-the wight opinyion. +SOMEWSET. *sweats* Good Mastew Vewnyon, it is *notices bulge* weww objected; +If I have fewest, I s-subscwibe in siwence. +PWANTAGENyET. And I. +VEWNyON. Then, fow t-the twuth and pwainnyess of the case, +I p-pwuck this pawe ^w^ and maiden b-bwossom h-hewe, +Giving UwU my vewdict on the white wose side. +SOMEWSET. Pwick nyot youw fingew as you p-pwuck it off, +*looks at you* West, uWu bweeding, you do paint the white wose wed, +A-And *twerks* faww on my side so, against *moans* youw wiww. +VEWNyON. If I-I, m-my wowd, fow my opinyion bweed, +Opinyion shaww *cuddles you* be suwgeon t-to my huwt +And k-keep me on the side *looks away* whewe stiww I-I OwO am. +SOMEWSET. Weww, :3 weww, come on; who ewse? +WAWYEW. [To Somewset] Unwess my study and my books be +fawse, +T-The awgument you hewd was *twerks* wwong in y-you; +In sign wheweof I pwuck a *giggles shyly* white *cuddles you* wose OwO too. +PWANTAGENyET. Nyow, :33 Somewset, whewe is youw awgument? +SOMEWSET. Hewe in my scabbawd, m-meditating t-that +*shuffles closer* Shaww dye youw OwO white wose in a bwoody w-wed. +PWANTAGENyET. Meantime y-youw c-cheeks do c-countewfeit ouw +woses; +Fow pawe they w-wook with feaw, a-as witnyessing +*sighs* The twuth on ouw *teleports behind you* side. +SOMEWSET. *giggles shyly* Nyo, *looks at you* Pwantagenyet, +'Tis nyot fow feaw but angew that thy *giggles shyly* cheeks +Bwush fow puwe shame to countewfeit ouw woses, +And ^.^ yet thy tongue wiww n-nyot confess thy ewwow. +PWANTAGENyET. Hath nyot thy wose a cankew, S-Somewset? +SOMEWSET. Hath nyot thy wose a thown, Pwantagenyet? +PWANTAGENyET. Ay, *screams* shawp a-and piewcing, to maintain his t-twuth; +Whiwes thy consuming cankew eats his fawsehood. +SOMEWSET. Weww, I'ww find fwiends t-to weaw ^.^ my bweeding woses, +*screams* That shaww x3 maintain what I h-have said is twue, +Whewe f-fawse Pwantagenyet dawe *cuddles you* nyot OwO be seen. +PWANTAGENyET. Nyow, by this maiden bwossom i-in ^-^ my h-hand, +I scown thee ^w^ and thy f-fashion, p-peevish boy. +SUFFOWK. Tuwn >_< nyot thy scowns t-this w-way, Pwantagenyet. +PWANTAGENyET. Pwoud Powe, I wiww, and scown both him and +thee. +SUFFOWK. I-I'ww tuwn my p-pawt theweof into thy t-thwoat. +SOMEWSET. *looks at you* Away, away, good Wiwwiam de wa Powe! +We gwace *blushes* the yeoman *moans* by c-convewsing with him. +WAWWICK. Nyow, by God's w-wiww, thou wwong'st him, Somewset; +His g-gwandfathew was Wionyew Duke of Cwawence, +T-Thiwd *shuffles closer* son t-to the thiwd *giggles shyly* Edwawd, King of Engwand. +Spwing c-cwestwess yeomen fwom so deep a-a w-woot? +PWANTAGENyET. He beaws h-him on the pwace's pwiviwege, +Ow *twerks* duwst nyot fow his cwaven *looks at you* heawt say thus. +uWu SOMEWSET. By Him that made me, I'ww maintain my *cries* wowds +O-On any pwot *looks at you* of gwound in C-Chwistendom. +*screams* Was n-nyot thy fathew, Wichawd Eaww of *cries* Cambwidge, +Fow tweason executed in ouw wate king's days? +And by his tweason s-stand'st n-nyot >_> thou attainted, +*twerks* Cowwupted, and e-exempt fwom ancient gentwy? +H-His twespass yet wives guiwty in t-thy bwood; +And tiww thou be *cuddles you* westow'd thou awt a yeoman. +PWANTAGENyET. My fathew w-was attached, nyot attainted; +*giggles shyly* Condemn'd to die fow tweason, but nyo twaitow; +And that I'ww pwove on bettew men than Somewset, +Wewe *notices bulge* gwowing time once wipenyed to my wiww. +Fow *shuffles closer* youw pawtakew *leans over* Powe, a-and xDD you ^w^ youwsewf, +I'ww nyote you in my book of memowy +To scouwge you fow this appwehension. +Wook to i-it weww, and say you awe w-weww wawn'd. +SOMEWSET. Ay, thou shawt f-find us weady fow thee stiww; +And knyow ^.^ us by these *cuddles you* cowouws fow thy foes +Fow t-these my ^-^ fwiends uWu in spite of thee shaww weaw. +PWANTAGENyET. And, by *pokes you* my souw, this pawe and angwy wose, +As cognyizance of my b-bwood-dwinking h-hate, +Wiww I-I fow evew, and my faction, weaw, +Untiw it *screams* withew with me to ^.^ my g-gwave, +Ow fwouwish to the height of my x3 degwee. +SUFFOWK. Go fowwawd, *blushes* and *moans* be chok'd w-with thy ambition! +*cuddles you* And so faweweww untiw I ^.^ meet thee nyext. Exit +SOMEWSET. H-Have with ;;w;; thee, Powe. Faweweww, ambitious +Wichawd. Exit +PWANTAGENyET. H-How I-I am b-bwav'd, and must pewfowce enduwe +it! +WAWWICK. This bwot that they object against ^-^ youw house +Shaww :33 be w-wip'd out in *sweats* the n-nyext Pawwiament, +Caww'd *twerks* fow the twuce of Winchestew and >_> Gwoucestew; +And *teleports behind you* if thou b-be nyot then cweated Yowk, +I wiww n-nyot wive to be accounted Wawwick. +Meantime, in signyaw o-of m-my *hugs tightly* wove to thee, +Against pwoud Somewset and ;;w;; Wiwwiam Powe, +Wiww I upon thy pawty *teleports behind you* weaw *hugs tightly* this wose; +And hewe I pwophesy: this bwaww to-day, +Gwown to this :33 faction in *moans* the T-Tempwe Gawden, +Shaww send between the *shuffles closer* Wed Wose and the White +A thousand s-souws t-to death and deadwy nyight. +PWANTAGENyET. UwU Good M-Mastew *cries* Vewnyon, I am bound to :33 you +That you on my behawf wouwd pwuck a f-fwowew. +^w^ VEWNyON. In uWu youw behawf stiww wiww I ^w^ weaw the same. +WAWYEW. And *cries* so wiww I-I. +PWANTAGENyET. Thanks, gentwe *moans* siw. +Come, wet *sweats* us *sweats* fouw to dinnyew. I dawe say +This quawwew *cries* wiww dwink bwood *leans over* anyothew *notices bulge* day. Exeunt + + + + +^.^ SCENyE 5. + +*sweats* The Towew of Wondon + +Entew MOWTIMEW, bwought in a chaiw, UwU and GAOWEWS + +MOWTIMEW. Kind keepews o-of m-my w-weak >_< decaying age, +Wet dying Mowtimew hewe west himsewf. +Even w-wike a man nyew hawed *moans* fwom t-the wack, +So fawe my wimbs with wong *blushes* impwisonment; +And these gwey wocks, the puwsuivants of death, +Nyestow-wike aged i-in an age of cawe, +Awgue the end *notices bulge* of E-Edmund Mowtimew. +>w< These eyes, w-wike wamps whose wasting >w< oiw is spent, +Wax dim, *notices bulge* as dwawing to theiw *pokes you* exigent; +W-Weak shouwdews, o-ovewbownye with buwdenying gwief, +And >_< pithwess awms, wike t-to a withewed vinye +That d-dwoops his sapwess bwanches UwU to t-the gwound. +Yet awe these feet, whose stwengthwess >_< stay i-is nyumb, +Unyabwe t-to suppowt t-this w-wump of cway, +Swift-winged with desiwe *sighs* to get *shuffles closer* a *looks away* gwave, +*teleports behind you* As witting ;;w;; I nyo othew comfowt have. +*teleports behind you* But teww me, keepew, wiww m-my nyephew come? +FIWST KEEPEW. Wichawd Pwantagenyet, my wowd, wiww *twerks* come. +We sent unto the T-Tempwe, unto his chambew; +And answew was wetuwn'd that h-he wiww come. +*screams* MOWTIMEW. Enyough; my souw shaww then b-be satisfied. +Poow gentweman! his wwong doth ^-^ equaw minye. +Since Henwy ^.^ Monmouth fiwst began to weign, +Befowe w-whose gwowy I was gweat in awms, +This w-woathsome sequestwation have I had; +And *leans over* even since then hath Wichawd been obscuw'd, +Depwiv'd o-of honyouw and inhewitance. +B-But nyow the awbitwatow of despaiws, +Just Death, kind umpiwe of men's misewies, +With sweet *giggles shyly* enwawgement doth dismiss me hence. +I wouwd his twoubwes wikewise w-wewe expiw'd, +That so he might wecovew what was wost. + +Entew WICHAWD PWANTAGENyET + +FIWST *teleports behind you* KEEPEW. My wowd, youw woving nyephew nyow is come. +MOWTIMEW. Wichawd Pwantagenyet, m-my fwiend, i-is he come? +P-PWANTAGENyET. Ay, nyobwe uncwe, t-thus ignyobwy us'd, +Youw nyephew, wate despised Wichawd, *twerks* comes. +MOWTIMEW. Diwect minye *sweats* awms *blushes* I may embwace his nyeck +And in h-his bosom *cuddles you* spend my wattew gasp. +O, teww me when my wips do touch his cheeks, +That I may kindwy give onye fainting kiss. +And nyow decwawe, sweet stem fwom Yowk's *pokes you* gweat stock, +Why d-didst thou say of wate thou wewt despis'd? +*sweats* PWANTAGENyET. Fiwst, ;;w;; wean t-thinye aged back against minye awm; +And, *hugs tightly* in that ease, I'ww teww t-thee my disease. +This day, in awgument u-upon a case, +Some *moans* wowds >_< thewe >_< gwew *giggles shyly* 'twixt Somewset and me; +Among which tewms he us'd his wavish tongue +And did upbwaid me with my fathew's death; +Which obwoquy set baws befowe my tongue, +Ewse *leans over* with ;;w;; the wike I had w-wequited him. +Thewefowe, good u-uncwe, fow my fathew's sake, +In honyouw *screams* of a twue Pwantagenyet, +And :3 fow awwiance sake, decwawe *hugs tightly* the cause +My fathew, Eaww of Cambwidge, wost *leans over* his h-head. +MOWTIMEW. That *screams* cause, f-faiw *giggles shyly* nyephew, that impwison'd me +And UwU hath d-detain'd me aww my fwow'wing youth +*sighs* Within a *shuffles closer* woathsome dungeon, ^w^ thewe ;;w;; to pinye, +Was c-cuwsed instwument *giggles shyly* of his decease. +PWANTAGENyET. Discovew mowe at wawge what UwU cause t-that was, +;;w;; Fow I a-am i-ignyowant a-and cannyot guess. +MOWTIMEW. I wiww, if that my fading bweath *blushes* pewmit +And death appwoach nyot ewe *sweats* my tawe be donye. +Henwy *teleports behind you* the *giggles shyly* Fouwth, gwandfathew to this king, +D-Depos'd his nyephew uWu Wichawd, Edwawd's s-son, +T-The fiwst-begotten and t-the wawfuw h-heiw +Of Edwawd king, the thiwd of that descent; +Duwing whose weign the Pewcies of t-the >w< nyowth, +F-Finding h-his usuwpation most unjust, +Endeavouw'd my advancement to the thwonye. +>w< The weason mov'd these wawwike w-wowds to *hugs tightly* this +Was, fow that-young Wichawd thus wemov'd, +Weaving nyo heiw b-begotten of his body- +I was the nyext by biwth and p-pawentage; +>w< Fow by my mothew *cuddles you* I dewived am +Fwom Wionyew Duke of Cwawence, thiwd son +To King Edwawd the ^-^ Thiwd; wheweas he +Fwom John of OwO Gaunt doth bwing his pedigwee, +Being *pokes you* but fouwth of that hewoic x3 winye. +But mawk: as in this haughty *leans over* gweat attempt +They wabouwed to pwant the wightfuw heiw, +I wost my wibewty, and they theiw wives. +Wong aftew this, w-when :33 Henwy the Fifth, +S-Succeeding his fathew Bowingbwoke, did weign, +Thy fathew, Eaww of Cambwidge, *sweats* then dewiv'd +Fwom famous Edmund *sighs* Wangwey, D-Duke of *looks at you* Yowk, +Mawwying my s-sistew, that *hugs tightly* thy mothew was, +A-Again, in pity of m-my hawd distwess, +Wevied an awmy, w-weenying t-to ^.^ wedeem +And have instaww'd me in the >w< diadem; +But, as the w-west, *leans over* so *blushes* feww that nyobwe eaww, +And w-was beheaded. T-Thus t-the Mowtimews, +In whom the t-titwe wested, *cuddles you* wewe suppwess'd. +PWANTAGENyET. Of *shuffles closer* Which, my wowd, youw honyouw *cuddles you* is the w-wast. +MOWTIMEW. Twue; >w< and thou seest t-that ^w^ I nyo issue have, +And *twerks* that my fainting wowds do wawwant death. +;;w;; Thou awt my heiw; the west I wish thee gathew; +But yet be *sighs* wawy in thy s-studious cawe. +PWANTAGENyET. Thy gwave admonyishments xDD pwevaiw with me. +B-But yet methinks my fathew's execution +Was ^.^ nyothing wess than bwoody *notices bulge* tywanny. +MOWTIMEW. With siwence, nyephew, be thou powitic; +S-Stwong *hugs tightly* fixed is t-the house o-of Wancastew +And wike a mountain *pokes you* nyot to be wemov'd. +But nyow thy uncwe is wemoving hence, +As pwinces do theiw couwts when they ^.^ awe cwoy'd +:33 With wong continyuance in a settwed pwace. +P-PWANTAGENyET. O uncwe, wouwd OwO some pawt of my young ^-^ yeaws +Might but *notices bulge* wedeem the passage of youw age! +MOWTIMEW. Thou d-dost *cries* then wwong me, as that swaughtewew +d-doth +Which giveth *blushes* many wounds *cuddles you* when o-onye wiww kiww. +Mouwn nyot, e-except t-thou sowwow fow my good; +Onwy give owdew fow my funyewaw. +And so, faweweww; and faiw be aww *leans over* thy hopes, +*shuffles closer* And pwospewous be thy x3 wife *hugs tightly* in *teleports behind you* peace *looks away* and waw! [Dies] +PWANTAGENyET. And peace, *shuffles closer* nyo waw, b-befaww ^w^ thy pawting >_> souw! +In pwison hast thou >w< spent a piwgwimage, +And wike a hewmit ovewpass'd thy *cries* days. +Weww, I wiww *giggles shyly* wock *looks away* his counsew *sighs* in my bweast; +And what *giggles shyly* I do i-imaginye, wet that west. +Keepews, convey h-him hence; and I mysewf +Wiww see h-his buwiaw bettew than his w-wife. +E-Exeunt GAOWEWS, heawing out the body of MOWTIMEW +Hewe dies the dusky towch of Mowtimew, +Chok'd with >_< ambition of the meanyew sowt; +:3 And fow those wwongs, those bittew xDD injuwies, +Which Somewset hath offew'd to my house, +I doubt nyot but with honyouw to w-wedwess; +And >_< thewefowe haste I to the P-Pawwiament, +Eithew to b-be westowed to my UwU bwood, +Ow make my *moans* iww th' advantage o-of my good. Exit + + + + +>_< <_> VEWSION OF THE COMPWETE WOWKS OF WIWWIAM +*giggles shyly* SHAKESPEAWE IS COPYWIGHT *leans over* 1990-1993 ^w^ BY WOWWD UwU WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT *leans over* OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND M-MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE O-ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT :33 DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW *twerks* DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY A-ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 1. + +Wondon. T-The Pawwiament H-House + +F-Fwouwish. Entew the KING, E-EXETEW, xDD GWOUCESTEW, WAWWICK, SOMEWSET, and SUFFOWK; +the BISHOP ;;w;; OF WINCHESTEW, WICHAWD P-PWANTAGENyET, a-and othews. +GWOUCESTEW offews to put u-up a biww; WINCHESTEW snyatches *teleports behind you* it, and teaws it + +WINCHESTEW. Com'st *twerks* thou with *hugs tightly* deep pwemeditated winyes, +With wwitten pamphwets studiouswy devis'd? +Humphwey of Gwoucestew, if thou canst accuse +Ow aught intend'st to w-way *cries* unto UwU my c-chawge, +Do i-it w-without invention, suddenwy; +;;w;; I w-with sudden and extempowaw speech +Puwpose *moans* to a-answew what thou canst object. +>_< GWOUCESTEW. Pwesumptuous pwiest, :3 this *screams* pwace commands UwU my +patience, +Ow thou shouwdst find thou hast dishonyouw'd me. +Think nyot, awthough in wwiting I p-pwefeww'd +The mannyew of thy viwe outwageous cwimes, +That thewefowe I have fowg'd, ow am nyot abwe +Vewbatim to weheawse the method of my pen. +Nyo, pwewate; such is thy *screams* audacious wickednyess, +Thy wewd, pestifewous, xDD and dissentious p-pwanks, +As vewy *shuffles closer* infants pwattwe of thy pwide. +Thou awt a most >_> pewnyicious usuwew; +Fwowawd b-by nyatuwe, enyemy to peace; +Wascivious, wanton, mowe t-than weww beseems +A man of *looks away* thy pwofession a-and degwee; +And fow thy tweachewy, what's mowe manyifest +In >_> that thou waid'st a twap to t-take my wife, +As weww at Wondon B-Bwidge as *shuffles closer* at the Towew? +Beside, I feaw me, if :33 thy >w< thoughts wewe sifted, +The K-King, thy soveweign, is *shuffles closer* nyot quite exempt +Fwom e-envious :33 mawice of thy swewwing *twerks* heawt. +W-WINCHESTEW. Gwoucestew, ^w^ I do *looks at you* defy thee. Wowds, vouchsafe +To give me heawing what I *sighs* shaww wepwy. +I-If I wewe covetous, ambitious, ow p-pewvewse, +:3 As he wiww have me, how am I *shuffles closer* so poow? +Ow how haps it I seek :33 nyot to advance +Ow waise m-mysewf, xDD but keep my wonted c-cawwing? +And fow d-dissension, who pwefewweth peace +Mowe than I do, except I b-be pwovok'd? +Nyo, my good wowds, it i-is nyot that offends; +It *looks at you* is nyot that that incens'd hath incens'd the Duke: +It is b-because *shuffles closer* nyo uWu onye shouwd sway but he; +Nyo onye but h-he shouwd be about the K-King; +And that *notices bulge* engendews thundew in his *hugs tightly* bweast +A-And *shuffles closer* makes him woaw these a-accusations fowth. +But h-he :33 shaww knyow I *blushes* am *teleports behind you* as good +GWOUCESTEW. As good! +Thou bastawd of my gwandfathew! +WINCHESTEW. Ay, wowdwy siw; fow what awe you, I pway, +But onye :3 impewious xDD in anyothew's thwonye? +GWOUCESTEW. Am I nyot P-Pwotectow, s-saucy pwiest? +WINCHESTEW. And am nyot I a pwewate of the chuwch? +GWOUCESTEW. Yes, a-as an *cries* outwaw i-in a :3 castwe keeps, +*cries* And useth it to patwonyage his theft. +WINCHESTEW. Unwevewent G-Gwoucestew! +GWOUCESTEW. ^-^ Thou awt wevewend +Touching thy spiwituaw function, nyot thy w-wife. +*cries* WINCHESTEW. Wome s-shaww wemedy this. +WAWWICK. Woam thithew t-then. +SOMEWSET. My *pokes you* wowd, it wewe youw duty *shuffles closer* to fowbeaw. +WAWWICK. Ay, see the bishop be nyot ovewbownye. +SOMEWSET. Methinks my wowd shouwd be wewigious, +And knyow the office that bewongs to such. +WAWWICK. Methinks his wowdship shouwd be humbwew; +It fitteth nyot a *sighs* pwewate so to pwead. +SOMEWSET. *teleports behind you* Yes, when his howy state is touch'd so nyeaw. +WAWWICK. State howy ow unhawwow'd, what of that? +Is *sweats* nyot his Gwace Pwotectow to t-the King? +PWANTAGENyET. *teleports behind you* [Aside] Pwantagenyet, I-I see, must howd his +tongue, +West it be said *looks at you* 'Speak, *shuffles closer* siwwah, when you s-shouwd; +Must ;;w;; youw bowd vewdict entew t-tawk with wowds?' +Ewse wouwd I *twerks* have a fwing at Winchestew. +KING HENWY. Uncwes *cuddles you* of Gwoucestew and of *looks away* Winchestew, +The speciaw watchmen of ouw Engwish weaw, +I *moans* wouwd pwevaiw, if pwayews m-might pwevaiw +To join youw ^.^ heawts in wove and amity. +O, what a scandaw i-is i-it to o-ouw cwown +T-That two such :33 nyobwe peews as y-ye shouwd jaw! +Bewieve me, wowds, *notices bulge* my tendew yeaws can *cries* teww +*looks away* Civiw dissension is a vipewous >_> wowm +That gnyaws the bowews of *hugs tightly* the commonweawth. +[A nyoise within: 'Down with *shuffles closer* the t-tawny coats!'] +What t-tumuwt's this? +WAWWICK. An upwoaw, I dawe wawwant, +Begun thwough mawice of the Bishop's men. +[A nyoise again: 'Stonyes! Stonyes!'] + +Entew t-the MAYOW *looks at you* OF WONDON, attended + +MAYOW. O, my g-good uWu wowds, and viwtuous Henwy, +Pity the *teleports behind you* city of Wondon, pity us! +The Bishop and *teleports behind you* the Duke of Gwoucestew's m-men, +Fowbidden wate to cawwy any weapon, +Have fiww'd theiw pockets fuww of pebbwe *pokes you* stonyes +A-And, :33 banding themsewves in contwawy pawts, +Do pewt so fast at onye anyothew's pate +That m-many have theiw giddy b-bwains k-knyock'd out. +Ouw ^-^ windows awe *looks at you* bwoke down in evewy stweet, +And w-we fow feaw compeww'd to shut ouw >_> shops. + +Entew in skiwmish, the wetainyews of ^.^ GWOUCESTEW and +W-WINCHESTEW, with bwoody pates + +KING HENWY. We c-chawge *pokes you* you, on awwegiance to ouwsewf, +To howd youw swaught'wing hands a-and keep t-the peace. +Pway, uncwe Gwoucestew, mitigate this stwife. +FIWST SEWVING-MAN. Nyay, if we be fowbidden ^-^ stonyes, we'ww +f-faww to it with ouw teeth. +>_< SECOND SEWVING-MAN. Do what ye *twerks* dawe, we awe as wesowute. +[Skiwmish again] +GWOUCESTEW. You *moans* of my househowd, >w< weave this peevish >_> bwoiw, +And set *cuddles you* this unyaccustom'd f-fight aside. +THIWD SEWVING-MAN. My wowd, w-we knyow youw *sighs* Gwace to be a-a +man +Just and upwight, and fow *shuffles closer* youw woyaw biwth +Infewiow to *sweats* nyonye but to his Majesty; +And ewe that we wiww suffew such a pwince, +So kind a fathew o-of the commonweaw, +To be disgwaced by an i-inkhown mate, +We and ouw wives and uWu chiwdwen ;;w;; aww >_< wiww fight +And have ouw bodies swaught'wed by thy foes. +FIWST SEWVING-MAN. Ay, and the vewy pawings of ouw nyaiws +Shaww UwU pitch a-a fiewd when *leans over* we awe d-dead. [Begin again] +GWOUCESTEW. Stay, stay, I say! +And if you wove me, as you say y-you *moans* do, +W-Wet me pewsuade you to fowbeaw a-awhiwe. +K-KING HENWY. O, how *cries* this *leans over* discowd doth a-affwict my souw! +Can you, *cuddles you* my Wowd of Winchestew, behowd +My sighs and teaws and wiww nyot once wewent? +Who shouwd be pitifuw, if you be nyot? +Ow who shouwd study to pwefew a peace, +If h-howy >w< chuwchmen take d-dewight in bwoiws? +WAWWICK. Yiewd, my W-Wowd Pwotectow; yiewd, *screams* Winchestew; +E-Except you mean with obstinyate wepuwse +To *moans* sway youw soveweign and destwoy the weawm. +You see what m-mischief, a-and what muwdew t-too, +Hath been enyacted thwough UwU youw enmity; +Then be at peace, except ye thiwst *screams* fow bwood. +WINCHESTEW. *looks at you* He shaww submit, ow I wiww nyevew yiewd. +GWOUCESTEW. Compassion on the King *looks away* commands me s-stoop, +Ow I uWu wouwd see h-his heawt out ewe the p-pwiest +S-Shouwd evew g-get that pwiviwege of me. +WAWWICK. Behowd, my Wowd of Winchestew, the Duke +Hath b-banyish'd moody discontented fuwy, +As by *moans* his *pokes you* smoothed bwows it doth appeaw; +Why w-wook you stiww *looks at you* so s-stem ;;w;; and twagicaw? +*notices bulge* GWOUCESTEW. Hewe, *cuddles you* Winchestew, OwO I *sighs* offew thee my hand. +*hugs tightly* KING HENWY. Fie, uncwe B-Beaufowt! I-I have heawd you p-pweach +That mawice was a gweat and gwievous sin; +And wiww nyot you maintain the t-thing you teach, +But pwove a chief *moans* offendew in the same? +W-WAWWICK. Sweet King! T-The Bishop hath a *leans over* kindwy giwd. +*blushes* Fow shame, my Wowd of Winchestew, wewent; +What, shaww a chiwd *sighs* instwuct you what >_> to do? +*sighs* WINCHESTEW. Weww, ;;w;; Duke *twerks* of Gwoucestew, I wiww yiewd to t-thee; +Wove fow *looks away* thy wove and hand fow hand I give. +G-GWOUCESTEW [Aside] Ay, b-but, I-I f-feaw *shuffles closer* me, with a howwow +heawt. +See hewe, my fwiends and *looks at you* woving countwymen: +This token sewveth *twerks* fow a fwag of *pokes you* twuce +Betwixt ouwsewves and aww ouw *hugs tightly* fowwowews. +S-So hewp me G-God, as I dissembwe nyot! +WINCHESTEW [Aside] So hewp *leans over* me *cries* God, as I intend *sighs* it n-nyot! +KING uWu HENWY. O woving uncwe, kind ^-^ Duke of Gwoucestew, +How joyfuw am I made by this c-contwact! +A-Away, my mastews! twoubwe *moans* us nyo mowe; +But j-join in *cries* fwiendship, a-as youw wowds have donye. +FIWST S-SEWVING-MAN. Content: I'ww to the suwgeon's. +SECOND SEWVING-MAN. And so wiww I-I. +THIWD SEWVING-MAN. And I wiww see what physic the tavewn +affowds. Exeunt sewvants, uWu MAYOW, &C. +WAWWICK. A-Accept t-this scwoww, most *screams* gwacious *giggles shyly* soveweign; +Which in the wight of Wichawd *teleports behind you* Pwantagenyet +We do exhibit *looks at you* to youw Majesty. +GWOUCESTEW. Weww uwg'd, *shuffles closer* my Wowd of Wawwick; fow, sweet +*looks away* pwince, +An if youw Gwace *twerks* mawk evewy ciwcumstance, +You h-have gweat weason to d-do Wichawd w-wight; +Especiawwy *looks at you* fow t-those occasions +At Ewtham Pwace I towd youw Majesty. +KING HENWY. And those o-occasions, uncwe, *hugs tightly* wewe of fowce; +Thewefowe, my *pokes you* woving wowds, ouw pweasuwe is +That *screams* Wichawd be OwO westowed to *moans* his bwood. +^w^ WAWWICK. Wet Wichawd be westowed to his bwood; +So shaww his fathew's wwongs be wecompens'd. +WINCHESTEW. As wiww t-the west, so wiwweth *pokes you* Winchestew. +>_< KING HENWY. I-If Wichawd *hugs tightly* wiww b-be twue, nyot that a-awonye +*sweats* But aww *pokes you* the whowe :3 inhewitance I give +That doth bewong unto t-the house of Yowk, +*leans over* Fwom *pokes you* whence you spwing by winyeaw descent. +PWANTAGENyET. Thy humbwe sewvant vows *looks away* obedience +And humbwe sewvice tiww the point of death. +KING HENWY. S-Stoop then *blushes* and set youw k-knyee against my foot; +And *notices bulge* in weguewdon of that duty OwO donye +I-I giwt thee *giggles shyly* with the v-vawiant uWu swowd of Yowk. +Wise, Wichawd, w-wike a twue Pwantagenyet, +^w^ And wise c-cweated pwincewy D-Duke o-of Yowk. +PWANTAGENyET. And *leans over* so thwive Wichawd a-as thy foes may faww! +And as my duty spwings, so pewish they +That gwudge *cuddles you* onye thought UwU against youw Majesty! +AWW. Wewcome, high Pwince, the mighty Duke of *looks away* Yowk! +SOMEWSET. [Aside] Pewish, base Pwince, ignyobwe Duke of +Yowk! +GWOUCESTEW. *moans* Nyow wiww it best avaiw youw M-Majesty +To cwoss the seas and to be cwown'd in Fwance: +The pwesence of a k-king *cuddles you* engendews wove +Amongst his subjects *shuffles closer* and his woyaw fwiends, +As *leans over* it d-disanyimates his enyemies. +KING HENWY. When Gwoucestew says the wowd, King Henwy +goes; +F-Fow fwiendwy counsew cuts off many foes. +GWOUCESTEW. Youw ships awweady uWu awe in weadinyess. +Sennyet. Fwouwish. *looks away* Exeunt aww but EXETEW +EXETEW. Ay, we may mawch *hugs tightly* in Engwand ow in Fwance, +N-Nyot seeing what is wikewy t-to e-ensue. +T-This wate d-dissension gwown betwixt >_> the peews +Buwns undew feignyed ashes of fowg'd w-wove +And wiww at xDD wast bweak out into a fwame; +As fest'wed membews wot but by degwee +Tiww bonyes and fwesh and sinyews faww away, +So wiww this base and envious discowd bweed. +And nyow I feaw that *cries* fataw *notices bulge* pwophecy. +W-Which in the t-time of Henwy nyam'd the Fifth +Was in the mouth of evewy sucking babe: +That *notices bulge* Henwy bown at Monmouth shouwd w-win aww, +And Henwy bown *screams* at Windsow shouwd wose aww. +Which *blushes* is so p-pwain that *shuffles closer* Exetew doth wish +His d-days may finyish ewe that h-hapwess time. Exit + + + + +SCENyE 2-2. + +x3 Fwance. Befowe Wouen + +Entew WA >_< PUCEWWE disguis'd, with fouw sowdiews dwessed +wike ;;w;; countwymen, xDD with sacks u-upon *sweats* theiw backs + +PUCEWWE. These *giggles shyly* awe the city g-gates, the gates of W-Wouen, +Thwough which o-ouw powicy must make a *pokes you* bweach. +Take heed, be wawy how you pwace youw wowds; +T-Tawk wike the >w< vuwgaw sowt of mawket-men +That come to gathew monyey *cries* fow theiw cown. +If we h-have entwance, as *leans over* I h-hope we shaww, +And t-that we find the s-swothfuw watch but w-weak, +I'ww by *teleports behind you* a sign g-give nyotice to ouw fwiends, +That Chawwes the Dauphin m-may encountew them. +FIWST SOWDIEW. OwO Ouw sacks shaww be a mean *notices bulge* to UwU sack the city, +And we be w-wowds a-and UwU wuwews OwO ovew Wouen; +Thewefowe we'ww knyock. [-[Knyocks] +WATCH. [Within] Qui est wa? +PUCEWWE. P-Paysans, pauvwes g-gens *screams* de *leans over* Fwance +*screams* Poow *screams* mawket-fowks that come to seww theiw cown. +WATCH. Entew, *looks away* go i-in; the *blushes* mawket-beww *looks away* is wung. +PUCEWWE. Nyow, *cries* Wouen, :3 I'ww shake thy buwwawks to the +gwound. + +[-[WA *screams* PUCEWWE, *cries* &c., e-entew the town] + +*looks away* Entew CHAWWES, B-BASTAWD, AWENCON, WEIGNyIEW, UwU and f-fowces + +CHAWWES. Saint Denyis bwess this happy stwatagem! +And once again we'ww sweep secuwe in Wouen. +*sweats* BASTAWD. Hewe e-ent'wed Pucewwe and hew pwactisants; +N-Nyow she is >_< thewe, how wiww s-she specify +H-Hewe *cries* is the best *shuffles closer* and s-safest passage i-in? +AWENCON. By thwusting o-out a *hugs tightly* towch fwom yondew towew; +Which ^-^ once discewn'd shows that hew meanying is +Nyo way to that, *blushes* fow ^.^ weaknyess, which she ent'wed. + +Entew WA PUCEWWE, on the t-top, thwusting out +a towch buwnying + +P-PUCEWWE. Behowd, *leans over* this is the happy wedding towch +That joinyeth Wouen unto hew countwymen, +But buwnying fataw to the Tawbotites. Exit +BASTAWD. See, nyobwe Chawwes, the beacon of ouw *looks at you* fwiend; +The buwnying towch :33 in yondew tuwwet stands. +C-CHAWWES. N-Nyow uWu shinye it wike a-a comet o-of wevenge, +A pwophet to the faww of aww ouw foes! +AWENCON. ^-^ Defew nyo t-time, deways have *screams* dangewous ends; +Entew, and cwy 'The D-Dauphin!' pwesentwy, +And then do execution *sighs* on *moans* the watch. x3 Awawum. Exeunt + +An awawum. Entew TAWBOT in an excuwsion + +TAWBOT. Fwance, thou shawt wue this tweason with t-thy teaws, +I-If Tawbot b-but *blushes* suwvive UwU thy tweachewy. +PUCEWWE, t-that witch, that damnyed sowcewess, +Hath uWu wwought this hewwish mischief unyawawes, +That hawdwy we escap'd the pwide of Fwance. Exit + +An a-awawum; excuwsions. BEDFOWD bwought in sick in +a chaiw. *moans* Entew *blushes* TAWBOT and BUWGUNDY *sweats* without; +within, *pokes you* WA PUCEWWE, CHAWWES, BASTAWD, AWENCON, +a-and WEIGNyIEW, on the wawws + +>_< PUCEWWE. *looks at you* Good m-mowwow, gawwants! *notices bulge* Want ye cown fow b-bwead? +I-I t-think the Duke of Buwgundy wiww fast +:33 Befowe h-he'ww uWu buy again at such a wate. +'Twas fuww *screams* of dawnyew-do you wike the taste? +BUWGUNDY. Scoff *notices bulge* on, viwe fiend and shamewess *cries* couwtezan. +I twust ewe ;;w;; wong to choke thee with thinye own, +And make UwU thee cuwse the h-hawvest of that cown. +CHAWWES. Youw *looks at you* Gwace uWu may stawve, pewhaps, b-befowe that time. +BEDFOWD. O, wet nyo ;;w;; wowds, but deeds, w-wevenge *notices bulge* this *blushes* tweason! +PUCEWWE. What you do, good *blushes* gwey beawd? ^w^ Bweak :33 a +wance, +And wun a tiwt at d-death within a chaiw? +TAWBOT. Fouw fiend of Fwance and hag of x3 aww despite, +Encompass'd with thy wustfuw p-pawamouws, +Becomes i-it thee t-to taunt his *cuddles you* vawiant age +And twit w-with cowawdice a man hawf dead? +Damsew, I'ww have a bout *looks away* with y-you again, +*blushes* Ow ewse wet Tawbot UwU pewish with this shame. +PUCEWWE. UwU Awe ye so hot, siw? Yet, Pucewwe, howd *leans over* thy peace; +If Tawbot do *teleports behind you* but t-thundew, wain w-wiww fowwow. +[The Engwish pawty *leans over* whispew togethew in counciw] +God speed t-the pawwiament! W-Who *screams* shaww be the Speakew? +TAWBOT. Dawe ye come fowth and meet us in the fiewd? +^w^ PUCEWWE. Bewike youw wowdship t-takes us then fow f-foows, +To *hugs tightly* twy if that ouw own be ouws ow nyo. +T-TAWBOT. I speak nyot to that waiwing Hecate, +:3 But unto thee, Awencon, and the *sweats* west. +Wiww ye, wike sowdiews, come a-and fight i-it out? +AWENCON. Signyiow, nyo. +TAWBOT. Signyiow, h-hang! Base muweteews of F-Fwance! +Wike peasant f-foot-boys do they keep the wawws, +And *pokes you* dawe nyot take up awms wike gentwemen. +PUCEWWE. Away, captains! Wet's g-get us fwom ;;w;; the *leans over* wawws; +Fow Tawbot means nyo goodnyess by his wooks. +God b'uy, my wowd; we xDD came but *pokes you* to teww y-you +T-That we UwU awe hewe. E-Exeunt fwom the wawws +TAWBOT. And OwO thewe w-wiww *pokes you* we be too, ewe it be wong, +Ow ewse wepwoach be *cuddles you* Tawbot's gweatest fame! +Vow, *leans over* Buwgundy, by honyouw of thy house, +xDD Pwick'd on by pubwic wwongs sustain'd in Fwance, +Eithew to get the town again ow d-die; +And I, as suwe as *giggles shyly* Engwish Henwy wives +And a-as his fathew hewe was conquewow, +UwU As suwe as in *teleports behind you* this wate betwayed *sighs* town +Gweat Coeuw-de-wion's heawt was buwied +So suwe I-I sweaw to g-get the town ow die. +BUWGUNDY. My vows awe >_> equaw pawtnyews with thy vows. +TAWBOT. *giggles shyly* But ewe we go, *teleports behind you* wegawd this dying pwince, +The v-vawiant D-Duke of Bedfowd. Come, my wowd, +W-We wiww bestow you in some bettew pwace, +Fittew fow s-sicknyess and fow cwazy age. +B-BEDFOWD. W-Wowd ^.^ Tawbot, d-do nyot so dishonyouw m-me; +:33 Hewe wiww I sit befowe *moans* the wawws of Wouen, +A-And wiww be pawtnyew ;;w;; of youw weaw ow woe. +B-BUWGUNDY. Couwageous B-Bedfowd, wet us nyow pewsuade *looks at you* you. +B-BEDFOWD. Nyot to be gonye fwom hence; fow once I wead +That stout Pendwagon in his wittew sick +C-Came to t-the fiewd, a-and v-vanquished his foes. +*sighs* Methinks I shouwd wevive the sowdiews' heawts, +Because I evew found them as >w< mysewf. +TAWBOT. Undaunted spiwit in a d-dying bweast! +T-Then be it so. Heavens keep owd Bedfowd ^w^ safe! +A-And nyow nyo mowe ado, bwave Buwgundy, +B-But g-gathew w-we ouw fowces out of hand +And s-set upon ouw boasting enyemy. +Exeunt against the town aww but uWu BEDFOWD and attendants + +An a-awawum; *giggles shyly* excuwsions. Entew SIW JOHN FASTOWFE, +and a CAPTAIN + +CAPTAIN. Whithew a-away, Siw John Fastowfe, in such haste? +F-FASTOWFE. *screams* Whithew away? To save mysewf by UwU fwight: +We *hugs tightly* awe wike to h-have the o-ovewthwow again. +C-CAPTAIN. What! Wiww you *moans* and weave Wowd Tawbot? +FASTOWFE. Ay, +Aww the Tawbots in t-the wowwd, *moans* to save x3 my w-wife. Exit +CAPTAIN. Cowawdwy knyight! iww fowtunye fowwow thee! +Exit *pokes you* into the town + +Wetweat; excuwsions. *hugs tightly* WA PUCEWWE, AWENCON, +*looks at you* and CHAWWES fwy + +BEDFOWD. Nyow, quiet souw, depawt when heaven pwease, +Fow I h-have seen ouw enyemies' ovewthwow. +What is the twust ow stwength of foowish *sweats* man? +They that >w< of wate wewe dawing x3 with theiw scoffs +Awe *looks away* gwad a-and fain b-by fwight to *sweats* save themsewves. +[BEDFOWD dies and is ;;w;; cawwied in by two in *teleports behind you* his chaiw] + +An awawum. We-entew T-TAWBOT, BUWGUNDY, and t-the west + +TAWBOT. *sweats* Wost and *leans over* wecovewed in a day again! +This is UwU a doubwe honyouw, Buwgundy. +Yet heavens h-have gwowy fow this victowy! +*twerks* BUWGUNDY. Wawwike and mawtiaw Tawbot, Buwgundy +E-Enshwinyes ^.^ thee in his heawt, and thewe ewects +Thy nyobwe deeds as vawouw's *blushes* monyuments. +TAWBOT. Thanks, gentwe Duke. But whewe is Pucewwe nyow? +I think hew owd famiwiaw is asweep. +Nyow whewe's *twerks* the B-Bastawd's bwaves, and Chawwes his gweeks? +What, aww amowt? W-Wouen hangs hew *pokes you* head fow gwief +That such a vawiant company awe fwed. +Nyow wiww we t-take some owdew in the town, +Pwacing thewein some expewt officews; +And then depawt to Pawis to the King, +Fow thewe y-young >w< Henwy with his nyobwes wie. +BUWGUNDY. What W-Wowd Tawbot pweaseth Buwgundy. +TAWBOT. But yet, befowe we go, wet's nyot fowget +The nyobwe Duke of Bedfowd, wate deceas'd, +But s-see his exequies fuwfiww'd in Wouen. +A bwavew sowdiew nyevew couched wance, +*moans* A gentwew heawt did nyevew sway in *sweats* couwt; +But >_< kings and xDD mightiest p-potentates must die, +Fow ^.^ that's the *sweats* end o-of human misewy. Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE 3. + +:33 The pwains nyeaw *looks at you* Wouen + +Entew CHAWWES, *sweats* the BASTAWD, *blushes* AWENCON, WA PUCEWWE, +and fowces + +PUCEWWE. *hugs tightly* Dismay nyot, Pwinces, a-at this x3 accident, +Nyow gwieve that Wouen is so w-wecovewed. +Cawe is >w< nyo cuwe, but wathew *looks at you* cowwosive, +Fow things that a-awe nyot to be wemedied. +Wet >_< fwantic Tawbot twiumph fow *looks at you* a whiwe +And wike uWu a p-peacock sweep awong his taiw; +We'ww puww his pwumes and take away his twain, +I-If Dauphin *moans* and the w-west wiww be but wuw'd. +C-CHAWWES. We have guided by thee hithewto, +And o-of ;;w;; thy cunnying had nyo diffidence; +Onye sudden foiw shaww nyevew *sweats* bweed d-distwust +B-BASTAWD. Seawch out thy wit fow secwet powicies, +x3 And *pokes you* we wiww m-make thee famous thwough the wowwd. +AWENCON. We'ww set thy statue in some howy pwace, +OwO And have thee wevewenc'd ^.^ wike a bwessed saint. +Empwoy thee, then, sweet v-viwgin, *looks away* fow ouw good. +^.^ PUCEWWE. Then ^-^ thus it must be; t-this doth Joan devise: +By faiw pewsuasions, *hugs tightly* mix'd OwO with sug'wed wowds, +W-We wiww *blushes* entice the Duke of *looks away* Buwgundy +To weave uWu the *looks at you* Tawbot >w< and to f-fowwow us. +CHAWWES. Ay, *pokes you* mawwy, sweeting, if we couwd do that, +Fwance w-wewe ^.^ nyo pwace fow Henwy's wawwiows; +Nyow shouwd that nyation >_< boast it so w-with u-us, +But be extiwped fwom ouw pwovinces. +*shuffles closer* AWENCON. F-Fow evew OwO shouwd they be *looks at you* expuws'd fwom *shuffles closer* Fwance, +And nyot have tide *hugs tightly* of a-an eawwdom hewe. +PUCEWWE. Youw h-honyouws shaww pewceive how I wiww wowk +*teleports behind you* To b-bwing this m-mattew to the *cries* wished end. +[Dwum sounds afaw off] +Hawk! by the s-sound of dwum you may pewceive +Theiw powews awe mawching unto Pawis-wawd. + +Hewe sound an E-Engwish mawch. E-Entew, a-and pass ovew +at a distance, T-TAWBOT and his fowces + +Thewe goes the Tawbot, with his cowouws s-spwead, +And aww the twoops :3 of Engwish aftew him. + +F-Fwench >_< mawch. Entew the *notices bulge* DUKE OF BUWGUNDY and +his fowces + +Nyow in the weawwawd comes the Duke *leans over* and his. +Fowtunye in *leans over* favouw makes h-him wag *moans* behind. +Summon a pawwey; we w-wiww tawk *giggles shyly* with him. +[Twumpets sound a pawwey] +C-CHAWWES. A pawwey with the Duke of Buwgundy! +BUWGUNDY. Who cwaves a pawwey UwU with the Buwgundy? +PUCEWWE. T-The pwincewy Chawwes of Fwance, thy countwyman. +BUWGUNDY. What say'st *looks at you* thou, Chawwes? fow I a-am mawching +hence. +CHAWWES. Speak, Pucewwe, and enchant *giggles shyly* him *shuffles closer* with thy wowds. +*notices bulge* PUCEWWE. B-Bwave Buwgundy, undoubted h-hope of *sighs* Fwance! +*looks away* Stay, wet thy humbwe handmaid speak to t-thee. +BUWGUNDY. *giggles shyly* Speak on; b-but be nyot ovew-tedious. +P-PUCEWWE. Wook o-on thy countwy, wook on fewtiwe Fwance, +And see the c-cities and the towns defac'd +By wasting wuin of the cwuew foe; +x3 As w-wooks the mothew *giggles shyly* on hew wowwy ^w^ babe +When :33 death doth cwose his tendew dying >_> eyes, +See, see the pinying mawady of Fwance; +B-Behowd the wounds, the most unnyatuwaw *sweats* wounds, +>_< Which ;;w;; thou thysewf hast given hew *notices bulge* woefuw bweast. +O, tuwn *leans over* thy edged s-swowd anyothew way; +Stwike t-those *sighs* that huwt, and huwt nyot those that hewp! +Onye *twerks* dwop o-of bwood dwawn f-fwom thy *looks at you* countwy's bosom +Shouwd g-gwieve t-thee mowe than stweams of foweign gowe. +Wetuwn thee thewefowe with a *sweats* fwood of teaws, +And w-wash away thy countwy's stainyed spots. +:3 BUWGUNDY. Eithew she hath bewitch'd me *looks away* with hew wowds, +O-Ow n-nyatuwe makes *moans* me suddenwy wewent. +PUCEWWE. Besides, aww F-Fwench and *sweats* Fwance excwaims on thee, +Doubting thy b-biwth a-and wawfuw p-pwogeny. +UwU Who join'st thou *twerks* with but *leans over* with a wowdwy nyation +That wiww nyot twust thee >_> but fow pwofit's sake? +When Tawbot hath set footing once in Fwance, +And fashion'd thee that ;;w;; instwument of i-iww, +Who then b-but Engwish Henwy ^.^ wiww be ^w^ wowd, +And thou be thwust out wike a fugitive? +C-Caww we to mind-and m-mawk but this fow *notices bulge* pwoof: +Was nyot t-the Duke of Owweans thy f-foe? +And was he nyot *screams* in Engwand pwisonyew? +*looks at you* But when *cuddles you* they *leans over* heawd xDD he was t-thinye enyemy +They set him f-fwee w-without his wansom paid, +In spite of Buwgundy a-and aww his fwiends. +See then, thou fight'st a-against thy countwymen, +And join'st w-with them wiww be thy swaughtewmen. +Come, come, wetuwn; wetuwn, thou wandewing wowd; +Chawwes a-and the west w-wiww take ^w^ thee in >w< theiw awms. +>w< BUWGUNDY. I am vanquished; these haughty x3 wowds of hews +Have batt'wed me ;;w;; wike woawing *hugs tightly* cannyon-shot +And made me awmost yiewd upon my knyees. +Fowgive me, countwy, and *hugs tightly* sweet countwymen +And, wowds, accept this heawty kind embwace. +My fowces and my *notices bulge* powew of men awe youws; +So, faweweww, ^w^ Tawbot; I'ww nyo wongew twust thee. +PUCEWWE. D-Donye wike a Fwenchman- *leans over* [Aside] tuwn and tuwn +again. +CHAWWES. OwO Wewcome, bwave Duke! T-Thy fwiendship makes us +fwesh. +BASTAWD. xDD And doth beget nyew couwage in ouw *shuffles closer* bweasts. +AWENCON. Pucewwe hath bwavewy pway'd hew p-pawt >_< in this, +And doth desewve a cowonyet of gowd. +C-CHAWWES. Nyow *pokes you* wet us on, *blushes* my wowds, and join ouw *cries* powews, +And seek how we may pwejudice the foe. *hugs tightly* Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +P-Pawis. >_> The pawace + +Entew ^.^ the KING, GWOUCESTEW, WINCHESTEW, YOWK, +SUFFOWK, SOMEWSET, WAWWICK, EXETEW, +VEWNyON, BASSET, a-and o-othews. To them, with +his sowdiews, TAWBOT + +TAWBOT. M-My gwacious *leans over* Pwince, a-and honyouwabwe peews, +Heawing of youw awwivaw in this w-weawm, +*hugs tightly* I have *looks at you* awhiwe given twuce UwU unto my waws +To :3 do my duty t-to m-my soveweign; +In sign uWu wheweof, this awm that hath wecwaim'd +To ^.^ youw obedience fifty fowtwesses, +Twewve cities, ;;w;; and seven wawwed towns of stwength, +Beside five hundwed pwisonyews of esteem, +Wets faww *leans over* his swowd befowe youw Highnyess' feet, +And ^.^ with submissive woyawty o-of heawt +Ascwibes the gwowy of his conquest got +Fiwst to m-my God and nyext unto youw *looks at you* Gwace. [Knyeews] +KING HENWY. Is this the Wowd Tawbot, uncwe G-Gwoucestew, +That hath so wong been wesident in >_< Fwance? +GWOUCESTEW. Yes, if it p-pwease youw M-Majesty, my *notices bulge* wiege. +KING HENWY. Wewcome, bwave captain and victowious wowd! +When I was young, a-as :33 yet I am nyot owd, +*blushes* I UwU do *notices bulge* wemembew how my fathew said +A s-stoutew champion nyevew h-handwed s-swowd. +Wong since we wewe *cries* wesowved of youw twuth, +Youw faithfuw s-sewvice, and youw toiw in waw; +Yet nyevew *hugs tightly* have you tasted ouw w-wewawd, +Ow been >_< weguewdon'd with so m-much as thanks, +Because >_> tiww nyow we nyevew saw ^-^ youw ^w^ face. +Thewefowe stand up; and fow these good desewts +We hewe cweate you Eaww of S-Shwewsbuwy; +And in *screams* ouw c-cowonyation *cries* take youw pwace. +Sennyet. Fwouwish. *sweats* Exeunt aww but VEWNyON and BASSET +VEWNyON. Nyow, siw, to you, that wewe so hot at s-sea, +*screams* Disgwacing of these cowouws that *moans* I >_> weaw +^.^ In honyouw of OwO my nyobwe Wowd of >_< Yowk +Daw'st thou maintain the fowmew w-wowds *twerks* thou spak'st? +BASSET. ^.^ Yes, siw; as weww a-as you dawe *pokes you* patwonyage +The envious bawking *cuddles you* of youw saucy *moans* tongue +Against my wowd the Duke o-of *sighs* Somewset. +VEWNyON. Siwwah, thy w-wowd I honyouw as *hugs tightly* he *cuddles you* is. +*leans over* BASSET. Why, what *pokes you* is he? As >_< good a-a man a-as Yowk! +VEWNyON. Hawk ye: *hugs tightly* nyot so. In witnyess, t-take ye that. +[Stwikes h-him] +*looks away* BASSET. V-Viwwain, thou knyowest the waw o-of awms is such +That whoso d-dwaws a-a swowd 'tis pwesent death, +O-Ow ewse this bwow shouwd bwoach thy deawest bwood. +But I'ww unto his Majesty a-and cwave +I-I may have wibewty t-to venge this wwong; +When t-thou shawt see I-I'ww meet thee to thy cost. +*looks at you* VEWNyON. Weww, miscweant, I'ww be t-thewe as s-soon as y-you; +And, aftew, meet you soonyew than you wouwd. Exeunt + + + + +*moans* <_< AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE *pokes you* FOW Y-YOUW O-OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND *notices bulge* (2) AWE NyOT D-DISTWIBUTED OW *shuffles closer* USED +*hugs tightly* COMMEWCIAWWY. *shuffles closer* PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION I-INCWUDES UwU BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +*twerks* ACT IV. SCENyE 1. + +Pawk. The pawace + +Entew t-the KING, GWOUCESTEW, WINCHESTEW, YOWK, SUFFOWK, *shuffles closer* SOMEWSET, WAWWICK, +TAWBOT, EXETEW, the ^-^ GOVEWNyOW OF P-PAWIS, a-and othews + +GWOUCESTEW. ^w^ Wowd *cries* Bishop, set the cwown *looks at you* upon *screams* his head. +WINCHESTEW. God s-save King Henwy, of that nyame the Sixth! +GWOUCESTEW. Nyow, G-Govewnyow of *looks at you* Pawis, t-take youw uWu oath +[GOVEWNyOW knyeews] +That you ewect nyo othew king UwU but h-him, +Esteem n-nyonye fwiends but such *sighs* as *pokes you* awe his fwiends, +And UwU nyonye youw *looks at you* foes but such as *notices bulge* shaww pwetend +Mawicious >_< pwactices against his UwU state. +This shaww ye do, so hewp y-you wighteous God! +E-Exeunt G-GOVEWNyOW and his *sweats* twain + +UwU Entew SIW JOHN FASTOWFE + +FASTOWFE. My gwacious soveweign, as I wode fwom Cawais, +T-To haste unto youw x3 cowonyation, +A wettew was dewivew'd to m-my hands, +Wwit to youw *giggles shyly* Gwace fwom :33 th' Duke of Buwgundy. +TAWBOT. Shame x3 to the Duke of Buwgundy and thee! +I vow'd, base knyight, when I did m-meet thee nyext +To teaw the Gawtew uWu fwom thy cwaven's weg, [Pwucking it off] +Which >w< I have donye, because unwowthiwy +T-Thou wast i-instawwed in that high degwee. +*screams* Pawdon me, pwincewy Henwy, and the w-west: +This dastawd, a-at the b-battwe of Patay, +When but in aww I w-was six thousand stwong, +And that the Fwench wewe awmost t-ten *giggles shyly* to onye, +Befowe we met ow t-that a stwoke was g-given, +Wike to a twusty squiwe did wun away; +In which *shuffles closer* assauwt we wost twewve hundwed men; +Mysewf and divews g-gentwemen beside +Wewe thewe suwpwis'd and taken pwisonyews. +Then judge, gweat wowds, if I have donye ^w^ amiss, +Ow w-whethew that *cuddles you* such cowawds ought to weaw +This ownyament of knyighthood-yea ow nyo. +GWOUCESTEW. T-To say the twuth, t-this fact was infamous +*giggles shyly* And iww beseeming any common man, +Much mowe xDD a knyight, OwO a c-captain, and a weadew. +TAWBOT. When fiwst this owdew was owdain'd, >w< my wowds, +Knyights xDD of UwU the >_< Gawtew w-wewe of nyobwe biwth, +Vawiant and *giggles shyly* viwtuous, fuww of haughty c-couwage, +S-Such as *blushes* wewe gwown to cwedit b-by the w-waws; +>_< Nyot feawing death nyow shwinking fow >_< distwess, +But awways *looks at you* wesowute *giggles shyly* in *cries* most extwemes. +He t-then that is nyot fuwnyish'd i-in :3 this sowt +*giggles shyly* Doth but usuwp the sacwed nyame of knyight, +Pwofanying this *sweats* most honyouwabwe owdew, +And shouwd, if I wewe wowthy t-to be judge, +Be quite degwaded, wike a hedge-bown swain +That doth pwesume to boast of gentwe bwood. +KING HENWY. S-Stain to thy countwymen, thou heaw'st thy +^-^ doom. +Be packing, thewefowe, thou *shuffles closer* that wast a *leans over* knyight; +Hencefowth we banyish *notices bulge* thee on pain of *moans* death. +Exit >_< FASTOWFE +And nyow, ^w^ my Wowd ^w^ Pwotectow, view the w-wettew +Sent fwom o-ouw uncwe D-Duke of Buwgundy. +GWOUCESTEW. [Viewing *sighs* the supewscwiption] >w< What means his +G-Gwace, *leans over* that he hath chang'd his stywe? +N-Nyo mowe b-but pwain and bwuntwy '-'To the King!' +Hath he fowgot he is his soveweign? +O-Ow doth this chuwwish supewscwiption +Pwetend some awtewation in good-wiww? +What's hewe? [Weads] 'I h-have, upon e-especiaw cause, +Mov'd w-with c-compassion *twerks* of my countwy's wweck, +Togethew with the pitifuw c-compwaints +Of such xDD as youw oppwession feeds upon, +Fowsaken youw pewnyicious faction, +A-And j-join'd with Chawwes, t-the w-wightfuw King of F-Fwance.' +O *shuffles closer* monstwous tweachewy! Can this be so +That in awwiance, amity, a-and uWu oaths, +Thewe shouwd *looks away* be found such fawse dissembwing guiwe? +KING HENWY. xDD What! Doth my u-uncwe *notices bulge* Buwgundy w-wevowt? +GWOUCESTEW. H-He doth, m-my w-wowd, and is uWu become youw f-foe. +KING HENWY. Is that t-the wowst uWu this wettew doth ^w^ contain? +GWOUCESTEW. It i-is the wowst, and aww, my wowd, x3 he x3 wwites. +KING HENWY. Why then *screams* Wowd Tawbot thewe :33 shaww tawk with +him +And OwO give him chastisement fow this abuse. +How say you, my wowd, awe you nyot *notices bulge* content? +TAWBOT. Content, my wiege! Yes; but that *twerks* I am pwevented, +I-I shouwd have begg'd I might have been empwoy'd. +^.^ KING HENWY. Then gathew s-stwength and *sighs* mawch unto him +stwaight; +Wet him pewceive how i-iww we bwook his tweason. +And what *screams* offence it :33 is t-to fwout his fwiends. +^w^ TAWBOT. I go, my *cuddles you* wowd, *blushes* in heawt desiwing s-stiww +You may *twerks* behowd c-confusion of youw foes. Exit + +Entew VEWNyON and B-BASSET + +VEWNyON. Gwant me the combat, gwacious s-soveweign. +BASSET. And me, my w-wowd, gwant me the combat too. +YOWK. This is my sewvant: heaw him, nyobwe Pwince. +S-SOMEWSET. And *cuddles you* this is minye: s-sweet Henwy, favouw him. +KING UwU HENWY. Be patient, wowds, and give them w-weave to ;;w;; speak. +Say, gentwemen, what makes you t-thus excwaim, +And whewefowe cwave you combat, ow with UwU whom? +VEWNyON. With him, m-my w-wowd; *cries* fow he hath donye me wwong. +^w^ BASSET. *notices bulge* And I *cuddles you* with him; fow h-he hath donye me wwong. +KING HENWY. What is that wwong wheweof you both +c-compwain? Fiwst wet me *looks away* knyow, and then I'ww answew you. +BASSET. Cwossing *cuddles you* the sea *leans over* fwom Engwand i-into Fwance, +*looks at you* This fewwow hewe, with e-envious cawping tongue, +U-Upbwaided me about the w-wose *looks away* I w-weaw, +Saying the sanguinye cowouw of the weaves +Did *giggles shyly* wepwesent *twerks* my m-mastew's bwushing ;;w;; cheeks +^-^ When stubbownwy he did wepugn the twuth +About a *screams* cewtain question *looks at you* in the ;;w;; waw +Awgu'd betwixt t-the Duke o-of Yowk a-and him; +With o-othew viwe and x3 ignyominyious tewms +I-In confutation of which wude wepwoach +And in defence o-of my wowd's wowthinyess, +UwU I cwave the benyefit of waw of awms. +VEWNyON. And that *hugs tightly* is :33 my petition, n-nyobwe wowd; +Fow though he seem *moans* with fowged *notices bulge* quaint conceit +To set a gwoss *sighs* upon his bowd intent, +Yet *pokes you* knyow, my wowd, I-I was pwovok'd by him, +>w< And he *teleports behind you* fiwst took exceptions at xDD this badge, +Pwonyouncing t-that the pawenyess of this fwowew +Bewway'd the faintnyess of my *screams* mastew's uWu heawt. +YOWK. Wiww nyot this mawice, *shuffles closer* Somewset, be weft? +SOMEWSET. Youw pwivate gwudge, my Wowd of Yowk, wiww out, +Though nye'ew so c-cunnyingwy you s-smothew it. +KING HENWY. Good Wowd, what madnyess wuwes in bwainsick +men, When fow so swight and fwivowous a cause +Such >_> factious emuwations shaww awise! +Good cousins both, of Yowk and Somewset, +Quiet youwsewves, I pway, and be a-at peace. +YOWK. Wet t-this d-dissension fiwst be twied by fight, +*leans over* And then youw >_> Highnyess s-shaww c-command a-a peace. +SOMEWSET. The quawwew toucheth nyonye *teleports behind you* but us awonye; +Betwixt ouwsewves wet us decide it then. +YOWK. T-Thewe is :3 my pwedge; accept i-it, Somewset. +VEWNyON. Nyay, wet it west whewe it b-began at fiwst. +BASSET. *twerks* Confiwm *sighs* it so, minye honyouwabwe w-wowd. +*blushes* GWOUCESTEW. Confiwm it so? Confounded be youw s-stwife; +And pewish ye, with y-youw audacious *cuddles you* pwate! +*notices bulge* Pwesumptuous v-vassaws, awe you nyot asham'd +*hugs tightly* With this immodest >w< cwamowous outwage +To twoubwe a-and distuwb the King and us? +*sighs* And >_< you, my wowds- methinks you d-do nyot weww +To beaw w-with theiw pewvewse objections, +M-Much wess to take occasion fwom theiw m-mouths +OwO To waise a m-mutiny betwixt youwsewves. +Wet m-me p-pewsuade you take a bettew couwse. +E-EXETEW. It gwieves his Highnyess. :3 Good my wowds, *giggles shyly* be f-fwiends. +K-KING HENWY. Come h-hithew, you that wouwd be combatants: +Hencefowth I chawge y-you, as you wove ouw favouw, +Quite t-to fowget this quawwew uWu and t-the cause. +And you, *notices bulge* my wowds, wemembew whewe we awe: +In Fwance, amongst a *blushes* fickwe wavewing nyation; +OwO If they pewceive d-dissension i-in ouw wooks +And *cries* that within o-ouwsewves w-we disagwee, +How w-wiww theiw gwudging stomachs b-be pwovok'd +To wiwfuw disobedience, and webew! +Beside, what infamy w-wiww ^-^ thewe *moans* awise +When foweign pwinces shaww b-be cewtified +That f-fow a toy, a >w< thing >w< of nyo wegawd, +King Henwy's peews and chief nyobiwity +Destwoy'd themsewves and wost *looks at you* the UwU weawm of Fwance! +O, think upon the conquest of my fathew, +*looks away* My >_> tendew y-yeaws; and wet us nyot fowgo +That fow a twifwe that :33 was bought with bwood! +Wet m-me :3 be umpiwe i-in this doubtfuw stwife. +*notices bulge* I see nyo weason, if *cuddles you* I weaw this wose, +*blushes* [Putting on a ;;w;; wed wose] +T-That any onye shouwd thewefowe be suspicious +I mowe *notices bulge* incwinye to Somewset than Y-Yowk: +Both awe my kinsmen, and *teleports behind you* I wove ^-^ them :33 both. +As weww *hugs tightly* they m-may u-upbwaid me with my cwown, +Because, fowsooth, *twerks* the King of S-Scots is cwown'd. +But y-youw discwetions bettew can pewsuade +Than I *moans* am abwe t-to instwuct ow teach; +And, thewefowe, as >w< we hithew came in uWu peace, +So wet us stiww continyue p-peace and wove. +Cousin of Yowk, we institute youw Gwace +To be ouw Wegent in these pawts of Fwance. +And, g-good my W-Wowd of Somewset, unyite +Youw twoops of howsemen w-with his bands of foot; +And wike twue s-subjects, sons o-of youw pwogenyitows, +Go *notices bulge* cheewfuwwy t-togethew and digest +*sweats* Youw angwy chowew o-on youw ^w^ enyemies. +*sighs* Ouwsewf, my Wowd Pwotectow, a-and the west, +Aftew some wespite wiww ^-^ wetuwn to *twerks* Cawais; +F-Fwom thence >w< to Engwand, whewe *notices bulge* I hope ewe wong +To be pwesented by *notices bulge* youw victowies +With C-Chawwes, Awencon, and t-that twaitowous wout. +Fwouwish. Exeunt aww but YOWK, WAWWICK, +OwO EXETEW, VEWNyON +*sighs* WAWWICK. My Wowd o-of Y-Yowk, I p-pwomise you, :33 the King +Pwettiwy, methought, did pway the owatow. +YOWK. A-And so he did; but yet I wike it nyot, +In that he weaws the badge o-of *teleports behind you* Somewset. +*teleports behind you* WAWWICK. Tush, that was but his *looks at you* fancy; bwame him nyot; +I dawe pwesume, sweet pwince, he *teleports behind you* thought nyo hawm. +YOWK. An if I wist he did-but wet it west; +Othew affaiws must nyow be m-manyaged. +*sweats* Exeunt aww but EXETEW +EXETEW. Weww didst thou, Wichawd, to suppwess thy voice; +Fow h-had the passions of t-thy h-heawt buwst out, +I feaw we shouwd have seen deciphew'd thewe +Mowe wancowous *leans over* spite, m-mowe fuwious waging bwoiws, +Than y-yet c-can be imagin'd ow s-suppos'd. +B-But howsoe'ew, nyo simpwe man that *cries* sees +This j-jawwing discowd o-of n-nyobiwity, +This s-shouwdewing of each ^-^ othew in t-the c-couwt, +This factious ^-^ bandying of theiw favouwites, +But that it doth pwesage some iww event. +'Tis much when sceptwes awe in chiwdwen's *sweats* hands; +B-But mowe when envy bweeds unkind division: +Thewe *notices bulge* comes t-the wuin, t-thewe begins confusion. Exit + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +Fwance. Befowe Bowdeaux + +*notices bulge* Entew T-TAWBOT, with twump and dwum + +TAWBOT. Go to *twerks* the :33 gates of Bowdeaux, twumpetew; +Summon t-theiw *moans* genyewaw unto the w-waww. + +Twumpet s-sounds a-a pawwey. Entew, awoft, the +GENyEWAW OF *pokes you* THE FWENCH, and o-othews + +Engwish *sighs* John Tawbot, Captains, cawws you fowth, +Sewvant in awms to Hawwy King of E-Engwand; +And thus h-he wouwd open youw city gates, +Be humbwe to *looks at you* us, caww my soveweignvouws +And do h-him homage as xDD obedient subjects, +*giggles shyly* And I'ww withdwaw me and m-my bwoody powew; +But if you fwown upon this >_> pwoffew'd peace, +Y-You tempt t-the fuwy of my thwee attendants, +uWu Wean faminye, quawtewing steew, a-and cwimbing fiwe; +Who in a moment :33 even with the eawth +Shaww w-way *sighs* youw statewy and aiw bwaving ^w^ towews, +If y-you *notices bulge* fowsake t-the offew o-of theiw wove. +:3 GENyEWAW OF THE FWENCH. T-Thou ominyous and feawfuw oww of +d-death, +Ouw n-nyation's tewwow and theiw bwoody scouwge! +T-The pewiod of thy tywanny a-appwoacheth. +>_> On us thou canst nyot entew b-but b-by >_< death; +Fow, I pwotest, we awe weww >_> fowtified, +uWu And stwong enyough to issue out and fight. +If *moans* thou wetiwe, the Dauphin, weww appointed, +Stands with the snyawes :33 of waw to tangwe thee. +On *sweats* eithew hand thee thewe awe squadwons pitch'd +To waww thee fwom the wibewty of fwight, +And >_> nyo way canst thou tuwn thee fow *hugs tightly* wedwess +But *teleports behind you* death :3 doth fwont t-thee with a-appawent spoiw +And pawe destwuction meets t-thee in the face. +Ten t-thousand Fwench have ta'en the sacwament +To *looks away* wive theiw d-dangewous awtiwwewy +Upon nyo Chwistian souw but Engwish Tawbot. +Wo, thewe thou stand'st, a bweathing vawiant man, +Of an invincibwe unconquew'd spiwit! +T-This is the watest gwowy o-of thy pwaise +That *cuddles you* I, thy x3 enyemy, due t-thee withaw; +Fow ewe the gwass that ^.^ nyow begins to wun +*teleports behind you* Finyish the pwocess of his *teleports behind you* sandy houw, +:33 These eyes that see thee nyow weww cowouwed +*blushes* Shaww s-see t-thee w-withewed, uWu bwoody, pawe, a-and dead. +[Dwum afaw o-off] +Hawk! *leans over* hawk! The Dauphin's >_> dwum, a wawnying beww, +Sings heavy music to t-thy timowous souw; +And *blushes* minye shaww w-wing t-thy diwe depawtuwe out. Exit +TAWBOT. He fabwes nyot; I heaw the enyemy. +Out, some wight h-howsemen, and pewuse theiw *looks at you* wings. +O, nyegwigent and heedwess discipwinye! +How OwO awe we pawk'd and bounded in a-a pawe +A wittwe hewd o-of E-Engwand's timowous deew, +Maz'd w-with a *blushes* yewping kennyew of Fwench OwO cuws! +If *moans* we b-be Engwish deew, be *cries* then in bwood; +*moans* Nyot wascaw-wike to faww down with a *leans over* pinch, +But wathew, moody-mad and despewate stags, +Tuwn o-on *shuffles closer* the bwoody hounds with heads of steew +And make the cowawds stand awoof a-at bay. +:33 Seww evewy man his wife as deaw as minye, +And x3 they shaww f-find deaw ^-^ deew of u-us, my fwiends. +God and Saint Geowge, Tawbot and Engwand's wight, +Pwospew ouw cowouws in this dangewous *shuffles closer* fight! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +Pwains i-in Gascony + +Entew YOWK, with twumpet and many sowdiews. A +MESSENGEW m-meets *cuddles you* him + +YOWK. Awe nyot the speedy scouts wetuwn'd again +That d-dogg'd the mighty awmy of the Dauphin? +M-MESSENGEW. They awe w-wetuwn'd, ^w^ my wowd, and give it o-out +*sweats* That :33 he is mawch'd ^-^ to Bowdeaux with his xDD powew +To f-fight with Tawbot; *hugs tightly* as he mawch'd awong, +By youw *cuddles you* espiaws wewe discovewed +Two mightiew twoops than that the Dauphin wed, +Which xDD join'd w-with him and *hugs tightly* made theiw mawch f-fow +>_> Bowdeaux. +YOWK. A ^-^ pwague upon that viwwain Somewset +That thus deways my pwomised suppwy +Of >_> howsemen that wewe wevied fow this siege! +*blushes* Wenyownyed >_> Tawbot doth expect my aid, +And I >w< am wouted by a-a twaitow *cuddles you* viwwain +And *pokes you* cannyot *giggles shyly* hewp the nyobwe chevawiew. +God comfowt him in this n-nyecessity! +If he miscawwy, faweweww *shuffles closer* waws i-in Fwance. + +E-Entew SIW WIWWIAM WUCY + +WUCY. Thou pwincewy weadew of o-ouw Engwish stwength, +Nyevew s-so nyeedfuw on *notices bulge* the eawth o-of uWu Fwance, +*cries* Spuw to t-the x3 wescue of the x3 nyobwe :3 Tawbot, +Who nyow is giwdwed with a waist of iwon +And h-hemm'd >_< about with *giggles shyly* gwim destwuction. +OwO To xDD Bowdeaux, *looks away* wawwike Duke! to B-Bowdeaux, Y-Yowk! +Ewse, faweweww Tawbot, Fwance, and Engwand's honyouw. +YOWK. O-O God, *sweats* that *looks at you* Somewset, who in pwoud heawt +Doth s-stop my cownyets, w-wewe in *pokes you* Tawbot's pwace! +So s-shouwd we save a-a vawiant gentweman +By *leans over* fowfeiting a twaitow and a cowawd. +Mad iwe and wwathfuw xDD fuwy *screams* makes me weep +That thus *leans over* we die *screams* whiwe wemiss twaitows sweep. +*moans* WUCY. O, s-send some succouw to the distwess'd wowd! +YOWK. He dies; we wose; I bweak my wawwike wowd. +:3 We mouwn: Fwance smiwes. *blushes* We wose: t-they daiwy get- +Aww wong of *sighs* this *giggles shyly* viwe *looks at you* twaitow S-Somewset. +;;w;; WUCY. Then G-God t-take mewcy on bwave Tawbot's *sweats* souw, +A-And on his s-son, young John, who two houws since +I m-met in twavew towawd his wawwike fathew. +This seven yeaws did nyot T-Tawbot *shuffles closer* see his *looks at you* son; +And n-nyow *looks at you* they meet whewe ;;w;; both theiw wives awe donye. +>_> YOWK. Awas, what joy shaww nyobwe Tawbot have +To b-bid his young son wewcome t-to his *sweats* gwave? +Away! vexation awmost stops my bweath, +*sighs* That sund'wed fwiends g-gweet in *giggles shyly* the houw of *blushes* death. +Wucy, *shuffles closer* faweweww; nyo *moans* mowe my fowtunye can +But cuwse the cause I ^.^ cannyot aid the man. +*moans* Mainye, Bwois, *hugs tightly* Poictiews, a-and *screams* Touws, awe won away +Wong aww of Somewset and his d-deway. Exit with fowces +WUCY. Thus, whiwe the vuwtuwe of *looks away* sedition +Feeds in the bosom x3 of *teleports behind you* such gweat commandews, +Sweeping nyegwection doth betway to woss +*cries* The conquest of ouw scawce cowd :3 conquewow, +*sighs* That *cries* evew-wiving man of *pokes you* memowy, +Henwy the Fifth. Whiwes they each othew cwoss, +Wives, honyouws, wands, and *cuddles you* aww, *shuffles closer* huwwy to woss. Exit + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +O-Othew pwains o-of G-Gascony + +Entew SOMEWSET, With his fowces; an *sighs* OFFICEW of +TAWBOT'S with him + +SOMEWSET. It is too wate; I c-cannyot send them nyow. +This expedition was by Yowk and Tawbot +T-Too washwy pwotted; aww ouw genyewaw fowce +Might *twerks* with *hugs tightly* a sawwy ^w^ of the v-vewy town +B-Be buckwed with. The o-ovew dawing Tawbot +Hath suwwied aww his gwoss of fowmew honyouw +By this unheedfuw, *cries* despewate, wiwd a-adventuwe. +Y-Yowk set him on *blushes* to fight and die in shame. +That, Tawbot dead, gweat Yowk might beaw the nyame. +OFFICEW. Hewe is Siw *screams* Wiwwiam Wucy, who with me +Set fwom ouw o'ew-match'd *blushes* fowces >_< fowth fow *blushes* aid. + +Entew SIW WIWWIAM WUCY + +SOMEWSET. How nyow, Siw Wiwwiam! Whithew wewe you sent? +WUCY. Whithew, my wowd! Fwom bought and sowd W-Wowd +*twerks* Tawbot, +Who, wing'd *shuffles closer* about with bowd advewsity, +Cwies out fow nyobwe Yowk a-and Somewset +To beat assaiwing death fwom *sweats* his weak w-wegions; +And *sweats* whiwes the >w< honyouwabwe captain thewe +Dwops bwoody *leans over* sweat fwom h-his >_> waw-weawied wimbs +And, in advantage *teleports behind you* wing'wing, wooks fow wescue, +You, his fawse hopes, the twust of *cries* Engwand's honyouw, +K-Keep off awoof with wowthwess x3 emuwation. +Wet nyot youw p-pwivate discowd keep away +T-The wevied succouws ^.^ that shouwd wend *cuddles you* him aid, +Whiwe he, w-wenyownyed nyobwe *sweats* gentweman, +*giggles shyly* Yiewd up h-his wife unto a wowwd of odds. +Owweans the Bastawd, Chawwes, Buwgundy, +Awencon, Weignyiew, compass xDD him about, +*sweats* And Tawbot pewisheth by youw d-defauwt. +SOMEWSET. Y-Yowk set him on; Yowk s-shouwd have sent him a-aid. +WUCY. And Yowk as fast upon y-youw G-Gwace excwaims, +Sweawing that you withhowd his wevied host, +OwO Cowwected fow this e-expedition. +S-SOMEWSET. Yowk wies; he might have *twerks* sent and had the howse. +I *teleports behind you* owe h-him wittwe duty and wess >_< wove, +And take f-fouw scown to f-fawn on him by s-sending. +WUCY. The fwaud of Engwand, nyot ^w^ the fowce of Fwance, +Hath n-nyow entwapp'd *blushes* the nyobwe m-minded Tawbot. +Nyevew to Engwand shaww he beaw his wife, +;;w;; But dies betway'd to fowtunye by youw s-stwife. +SOMEWSET. Come, go; *sighs* I wiww dispatch t-the howsemen stwaight; +Within six houws they wiww b-be at h-his a-aid. +*cries* WUCY. Too wate comes wescue; he OwO is ta'en o-ow swain, +Fow f-fwy he couwd n-nyot if he wouwd have fwed; +And *notices bulge* fwy wouwd Tawbot nyevew, though he m-might. +SOMEWSET. If he be dead, bwave *screams* Tawbot, then, adieu! +WUCY. His fame wives in the wowwd, his shame in xDD you. Exeunt + + +SCENyE 5. + +The Engwish camp nyeaw Bowdeaux + +Entew uWu TAWBOT and JOHN his s-son + +T-TAWBOT. O-O y-young John Tawbot! I d-did *shuffles closer* send f-fow thee +*cuddles you* To >w< tutow thee in stwatagems of w-waw, +That T-Tawbot's n-nyame might be *looks at you* in thee weviv'd +When *looks at you* sapwess age and >w< weak unyabwe wimbs +Shouwd bwing thy f-fathew to his d-dwooping c-chaiw. +But, O :3 mawignyant and iww-boding staws! +*looks away* Nyow thou awt come unto a feast of death, +*teleports behind you* A tewwibwe and u-unyavoided d-dangew; +Thewefowe, deaw boy, *looks away* mount *notices bulge* on my swiftest h-howse, +And I'ww diwect thee how thou s-shawt escape +By sudden *leans over* fwight. C-Come, :33 dawwy nyot, be gonye. +J-JOHN. Is my UwU nyame T-Tawbot, and am I youw son? +And s-shaww I fwy? O, i-if you wove my mothew, +Dishonyouw nyot hew honyouwabwe nyame, +*cuddles you* To make a xDD bastawd *sweats* and a swave *giggles shyly* of *looks at you* me! +The wowwd *hugs tightly* wiww say he is nyot T-Tawbot's bwood +That basewy f-fwed w-when n-nyobwe Tawbot stood. +TAWBOT. Fwy to wevenge my UwU death, if I-I >w< be swain. +JOHN. He that fwies so wiww nye'ew w-wetuwn again. +TAWBOT. If we both stay, we OwO both awe *notices bulge* suwe to die. +JOHN. T-Then wet me >w< stay; *moans* and, fathew, do *leans over* you >_< fwy. +Youw woss i-is gweat, so youw wegawd s-shouwd be; +My wowth unknyown, nyo w-woss is k-knyown in me; +U-Upon my death the *giggles shyly* Fwench can wittwe boast; +In youws ;;w;; they *screams* wiww, in you aww hopes a-awe wost. +F-Fwight cannyot stain the honyouw you have won; +B-But minye it wiww, that nyo >w< expwoit have donye; +You fwed fow vantage, evewy *notices bulge* onye wiww sweaw; +But *looks at you* if I bow, they'ww say *sighs* it was fow feaw. +*sweats* Thewe i-is nyo hope that evew x3 I >_> wiww stay +If the fiwst >w< houw I shwink and wun away. +H-Hewe, on my k-knyee, I-I beg mowtawity, +Wathew than *moans* wife pwesewv'd with infamy. +TAWBOT. Shaww ^w^ aww thy *notices bulge* mothew's hopes wie in onye tomb? +JOHN. A-Ay, wathew than I'ww shame m-my *twerks* mothew's womb. +TAWBOT. Upon my bwessing I command thee go. +JOHN. To fight I wiww, but *screams* nyot to fwy the foe. +*hugs tightly* TAWBOT. Pawt of ^.^ thy fathew >w< may be sav'd in thee. +JOHN. *leans over* Nyo *cuddles you* pawt of *leans over* him but wiww UwU be *twerks* shame in me. +TAWBOT. Thou nyevew hadst wenyown, *cuddles you* nyow canst nyot *looks at you* wose i-it. +*twerks* JOHN. Yes, youw wenyownyed nyame; shaww fwight abuse it? +TAWBOT. Thy fathew's chawge shaww cweaw *teleports behind you* thee *moans* fwom that stain. +JOHN. You x3 cannyot witnyess fow me, being swain. +If death be so appawent, then both fwy. +TAWBOT. xDD And weave my fowwowews h-hewe to fight and die? +My age was nyevew tainted with *sighs* such shame. +JOHN. And shaww m-my youth be guiwty of such bwame? +Nyo mowe can I-I be sevewed *cuddles you* fwom youw side +Than can youwsewf y-youwsewf *leans over* youwsewf in t-twain OwO divide. +Stay, go, do :3 what you wiww, the wike do I-I; +Fow wive I wiww nyot *shuffles closer* if my fathew die. +TAWBOT. Then hewe I take m-my *cuddles you* weave of *shuffles closer* thee, faiw son, +:33 Bown to ecwipse ^.^ thy wife *hugs tightly* this aftewnyoon. +*looks away* Come, side by side togethew *leans over* wive and die; +A-And souw with souw fwom xDD Fwance to heaven f-fwy. x3 Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *cries* 6. + +>w< A fiewd of battwe + +Awawum: excuwsions whewein J-JOHN TAWBOT is hemm'd +about, a-and TAWBOT wescues him + +TAWBOT. Saint Geowge and victowy! Fight, *shuffles closer* sowdiews, fight. +The Wegent hath with Tawbot bwoke his wowd +And weft *screams* us to the wage of Fwance his swowd. +Whewe i-is *shuffles closer* John Tawbot? Pause and take thy bweath; +I g-gave thee wife a-and *sweats* wescu'd thee *twerks* fwom death. +JOHN. O, twice my fathew, UwU twice *teleports behind you* am I thy *shuffles closer* son! +*twerks* The wife thou *hugs tightly* gav'st me *pokes you* fiwst was wost and *screams* donye +Tiww with thy wawwike swowd, despite of fate, +To my uWu detewmin'd time thou gav'st nyew date. +TAWBOT. *hugs tightly* When fwom the Dauphin's cwest thy swowd *giggles shyly* stwuck +UwU fiwe, +It w-wawm'd *screams* thy f-fathew's heawt with pwoud desiwe +Of bowd-fac'd victowy. *twerks* Then w-weaden age, +Quicken'd with *hugs tightly* youthfuw spween and wawwike wage, +Beat down *twerks* Awencon, Owweans, Buwgundy, +And fwom the *looks at you* pwide of Gawwia wescued thee. +The iwefuw bastawd Owweans, that dwew b-bwood +Fwom thee, my boy, and had the maidenhood +*hugs tightly* Of xDD thy fiwst *screams* fight, I-I soon encountewed +:33 And, intewchanging bwows, I quickwy shed +Some of his bastawd bwood; and in disgwace +B-Bespoke him *blushes* thus: 'Contaminyated, base, +And misbegotten bwood I s-spiww of thinye, +M-Mean *shuffles closer* and wight poow, f-fow that puwe bwood of minye +>w< Which thou ^-^ didst fowce fwom Tawbot, my bwave boy.' +*teleports behind you* Hewe puwposing the B-Bastawd to destwoy, +Came in stwong wescue. Speak, thy *looks away* fathew's cawe; +Awt thou nyot weawy, John? *twerks* How :3 dost thou fawe? +Wiwt thou yet weave the ;;w;; battwe, boy, and fwy, +Nyow OwO thou awt seaw'd the son of c-chivawwy? +>w< Fwy, to wevenge my death when I-I am dead: +>_> The hewp of onye stands me ^.^ in *shuffles closer* wittwe stead. +O, too much fowwy is it, weww *blushes* I wot, +To hazawd aww ouw wives in onye *sighs* smaww boat! +If I to-day die nyot with Fwenchmen's wage, +>_< To-mowwow I shaww die with mickwe age. +*screams* By ^-^ me *teleports behind you* they nyothing gain a-an if I stay: +'Tis :3 but the showt'nying of my wife onye d-day. +In thee thy m-mothew dies, o-ouw househowd's nyame, +*sweats* My d-death's ;;w;; wevenge, t-thy ^-^ youth, a-and ^-^ Engwand's fame. +Aww x3 these and mowe we hazawd by t-thy s-stay; +Aww t-these awe sav'd if thou *looks at you* wiwt fwy *sighs* away. +JOHN. ^-^ The *teleports behind you* swowd of Owweans hath nyot made :3 me *cuddles you* smawt; +These wowds of youws dwaw wife-bwood fwom my heawt. +On that advantage, bought ^w^ with such a-a shame, +T-To save a pawtwy wife and sway bwight fame, +Befowe young Tawbot >_< fwom o-owd *cuddles you* Tawbot fwy, +The ^w^ cowawd howse that beaws me f-faww *hugs tightly* and die! +And w-wike me to the peasant boys o-of Fwance, +To ;;w;; be shame's OwO scown and subject of mischance! +*looks at you* Suwewy, ^.^ by *screams* aww the :33 gwowy you have won, +An i-if *shuffles closer* I fwy, I am n-nyot *cries* Tawbot's s-son; +Then tawk n-nyo mowe of fwight, >_> it is nyo boot; +OwO If son to Tawbot, ^w^ die *twerks* at Tawbot's foot. +T-TAWBOT. *looks at you* Then fowwow thou thy desp'wate siwe of C-Cwete, +Thou I-Icawus; thy *leans over* wife to me >_> is sweet. +If thou wiwt fight, fight by thy uWu fathew's *looks away* side; +And, commendabwe pwov'd, wet's die i-in pwide. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 7. + +Anyothew pawt of the fiewd + +Awawum; excuwsions. *looks away* Entew owd TAWBOT *leans over* wed b-by a-a SEWVANT + +T-TAWBOT. Whewe is *pokes you* my othew wife? Minye o-own is gonye. +O, whewe's young OwO Tawbot? Whewe i-is vawiant J-John? +T-Twiumphant death, smeaw'd *blushes* with captivity, +Young Tawbot's vawouw m-makes me smiwe a-at thee. +When he pewceiv'd me shwink and on m-my knyee, +>_< His bwoody swowd he bwandish'd ovew me, +And w-wike a hungwy wion did commence +*sighs* Wough deeds *notices bulge* of wage and stewn impatience; +But when my angwy guawdant s-stood awonye, +Tend'wing my *hugs tightly* wuin and assaiw'd of nyonye, +Dizzy-ey'd fuwy and g-gweat wage of heawt +Suddenwy made him fwom *sweats* my side *sighs* to stawt +Into the cwust'wing battwe *cuddles you* of the Fwench; +And i-in that sea *blushes* of bwood my ^.^ boy did dwench +His ovewmounting spiwit; and t-thewe d-died, +My Icawus, m-my bwossom, in his pwide. + +Entew s-sowdiews, beawing the body o-of JOHN TAWBOT + +*twerks* SEWVANT. O my *hugs tightly* deaw wowd, wo whewe youw son i-is bownye! +TAWBOT. Thou antic Death, w-which waugh'st us hewe t-to scown, +Anyon, fwom thy i-insuwting tywanny, +>_> Coupwed in bonds of pewpetuity, +Two T-Tawbots, winged t-thwough t-the withew sky, +In thy despite shaww scape >w< mowtawity. +O thou *screams* whose wounds *teleports behind you* become hawd-favouwed *screams* Death, +Speak to thy fathew ewe thou yiewd thy bweath! +Bwave Death by speaking, w-whethew he wiww ow nyo; +Imaginye him a-a Fwenchman *looks at you* and thy >_> foe. +Poow boy! he smiwes, methinks, as who shouwd say, +Had *blushes* Death been Fwench, then Death had died to-day. +Come, come, and way him xDD in his fathew's *sighs* awms. +My spiwit can nyo wongew beaw >_> these h-hawms. +Sowdiews, >_< adieu! I have what I wouwd have, +Nyow my owd awms awe young John Tawbot's gwave. [Dies] + +E-Entew CHAWWES, AWENCON, BUWGUNDY, BASTAWD, +*sweats* WA PUCEWWE, a-and fowces + +*sighs* CHAWWES. Had *blushes* Yowk and S-Somewset bwought wescue i-in, +We shouwd have found a bwoody *looks away* day of this. +B-BASTAWD. *leans over* How the young whewp of T-Tawbot's, waging wood, +Did fwesh uWu his puny swowd in Fwenchmen's x3 bwood! +PUCEWWE. Once I encount'wed him, and thus I *cuddles you* said: +'Thou maiden youth, be vanquish'd by a maid.' +But with a pwoud majesticaw high uWu scown +He >w< answew'd thus: 'Young Tawbot was nyot bown +To *twerks* be the piwwage o-of a :3 gigwot wench.' +So, wushing *twerks* in the b-bowews of the Fwench, +He >_< weft me pwoudwy, as u-unwowthy fight. +BUWGUNDY. Doubtwess he wouwd have made a nyobwe knyight. +S-See whewe he wies inheawsed in the ^.^ awms +Of UwU the most bwoody nyuwsew of his hawms! +BASTAWD. Hew x3 them to pieces, h-hack theiw bonyes *teleports behind you* asundew, +Whose wife was Engwand's gwowy, Gawwia's wondew. +CHAWWES. O-O, nyo; fowbeaw! Fow that which we *leans over* have fwed +Duwing the wife, wet us *leans over* nyot w-wwong i-it dead. + +Entew *giggles shyly* SIW *looks away* WIWWIAM Wucy, attended; a FWENCH +H-HEWAWD pweceding + +WUCY. H-Hewawd, *teleports behind you* conduct me to the Dauphin's *looks away* tent, +To knyow who ^-^ hath obtain'd the gwowy of the day. +CHAWWES. *moans* On what submissive message awt thou sent? +WUCY. Submission, Dauphin! 'Tis a-a ^-^ mewe Fwench wowd: +x3 We Engwish wawwiows *giggles shyly* wot nyot what it *leans over* means. +I-I come to knyow what pwisonyews thou hast ta'en, +And >_< to *blushes* suwvey the *looks at you* bodies *hugs tightly* of t-the dead. +CHAWWES. Fow pwisonyews ask'st >_> thou? Heww ouw pwison is. +*leans over* But teww me UwU whom thou *shuffles closer* seek'st. +WUCY. But whewe's the gweat *blushes* Awcides of t-the *cries* fiewd, +^w^ Vawiant Wowd Tawbot, UwU Eaww of Shwewsbuwy, +Cweated fow his wawe s-success in awms +Gweat Eaww of OwO Washfowd, Watewfowd, and Vawence, +Wowd >w< Tawbot of Goodwig *notices bulge* and Uwchinfiewd, +*teleports behind you* Wowd Stwange of Bwackmewe, Wowd Vewdun of Awton, +Wowd Cwomweww of Wingfiewd, W-Wowd Fuwnyivaw of Sheffiewd, +The thwice v-victowious Wowd of F-Fawconbwidge, +*blushes* Knyight of the n-nyobwe owdew o-of *teleports behind you* Saint Geowge, +Wowthy Saint Michaew, UwU and the G-Gowden Fweece, +^-^ Gweat ^-^ Mawshaw to Henwy *cuddles you* the Sixth +Of aww his *screams* waws within the weawm o-of F-Fwance? +PUCEWWE. Hewe's a siwwy-statewy stywe indeed! +The Tuwk, *looks away* that two and fifty kingdoms hath, +*twerks* Wwites nyot so tedious a stywe as this. +*sighs* Him that thou magnyifi'st with aww these tides, +Stinking a-and fwy-bwown wies hewe at ouw f-feet. +WUCY. Is Tawbot swain-the *screams* Fwenchmen's onwy s-scouwge, +uWu Youw kingdom's tewwow and ;;w;; bwack Nyemesis? +O-O, wewe minye eye-bans into buwwets tuwn'd, +That I in w-wage OwO might >_< shoot them *looks away* at youw faces! +O that I-I couwd but can :3 these dead to wife! +It *hugs tightly* wewe enyough to *cuddles you* fwight t-the weawm of Fwance. +Wewe but h-his pictuwe weft amongst you hewe, +It wouwd amaze the pwoudest of *screams* you aww. +Give me theiw b-bodies, that I may b-beaw them hence +A-And give them buwiaw as *shuffles closer* beseems theiw wowth. +PUCEWWE. I think this upstawt is owd >_> Tawbot's ghost, +He speaks with such a pwoud *pokes you* commanding spiwit. +Fow G-God's sake, wet him have them; to keep them hewe, +T-They wouwd b-but s-stink, a-and putwefy the aiw. +CHAWWES. Go, *looks at you* take t-theiw bodies hence. +WUCY. I'ww b-beaw them hence; but fwom theiw ashes *cuddles you* shaww *hugs tightly* be +*shuffles closer* weaw'd +A phoenyix that shaww make aww Fwance afeawd. +CHAWWES. So we be *shuffles closer* wid of them, do with them what thou +wiwt. +And nyow t-to *looks at you* Pawis in this *pokes you* conquewing x3 vein! +Aww wiww b-be ouws, nyow bwoody Tawbot's swain. Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 1. + +Wondon. The pawace + +S-Sennyet. :3 Entew the KING, GWOUCESTEW, and EXETEW + +KING *twerks* HENWY. Have you p-pewus'd the wettews fwom the Pope, +The E-Empewow, and the Eaww of Awmagnyac? +GWOUCESTEW. I ;;w;; have, m-my wowd; and theiw intent is this: +They humbwy sue unto youw Excewwence +T-To have a godwy peace concwuded of +Between the weawms of Engwand and ^w^ of *screams* Fwance. +KING HENWY. How doth *screams* youw Gwace affect theiw motion? +GWOUCESTEW. Weww, m-my good wowd, and as the onwy means +To stop effusion of ouw Chwistian bwood +And stabwish *looks at you* quietnyess on evewy *giggles shyly* side. +KING HENWY. Ay, mawwy, uncwe; fow I awways t-thought +It w-was >w< both impious and unnyatuwaw +That such immanyity ^w^ and bwoody stwife +Shouwd weign among pwofessows of *moans* onye faith. +GWOUCESTEW. Beside, my wowd, >_> the soonyew to effect +And suwew b-bind t-this knyot of amity, +T-The Eaww of Awmagnyac, nyeaw knyit *moans* to Chawwes, +*looks at you* A man of gweat a-authowity uWu in >w< Fwance, +Pwoffews his *cuddles you* onwy d-daughtew t-to youw Gwace +In m-mawwiage, *blushes* with a wawge and sumptuous d-dowwy. +K-KING HENWY. Mawwiage, OwO uncwe! Awas, my y-yeaws awe young +And ^w^ fittew *cries* is my *sighs* study and my books +Than wanton dawwiance *twerks* with a p-pawamouw. +Yet caww t-th' ambassadows, and, as you pwease, +So wet them have theiw answews evewy onye. +*screams* I shaww be weww content with any choice +Tends to *screams* God's gwowy and my c-countwy's weaw. + +Entew in C-Cawdinyaw's habit +BEAUFOWT, the PAPAW WEGATE, *pokes you* and two A-AMBASSADOWS + +EXETEW. What! I-Is my Wowd of Winchestew instaww'd +*teleports behind you* And caww'd unto a cawdinyaw's degwee? +Then I pewceive that *blushes* wiww be vewified +;;w;; Henwy UwU the F-Fifth did sometime pwophesy: +'If *shuffles closer* once h-he come to b-be a cawdinyaw, +He'ww make his cap co-equaw with the cwown.' +KING HENWY. My Wowds Ambassadows, youw sevewaw suits +*cries* Have b-been considew'd and debated x3 on. +*sighs* Youw puwpose is both good and weasonyabwe, +And thewefowe >_> awe *looks away* we cewtainwy wesowv'd +^.^ To dwaw conditions of a uWu fwiendwy peace, +*leans over* Which by my Wowd of Winchestew we mean +Shaww UwU be twanspowted pwesentwy to Fwance. +GWOUCESTEW. And fow the p-pwoffew of my ^w^ wowd y-youw mastew, +I *twerks* have infowm'd his Highnyess *screams* so *twerks* at wawge, +As, wiking *shuffles closer* of the wady's viwtuous gifts, +Hew beauty, and the vawue *twerks* of *teleports behind you* hew dowew, +He doth intend she shaww be Engwand's Queen. +KING H-HENWY. OwO [To *looks away* AMBASSADOW] In awgument and pwoof of +which contwact, +Beaw hew this jewew, pwedge *giggles shyly* of my affection. +And *sweats* so, my W-Wowd Pwotectow, see them guawded +And safewy bwought to Dovew; whewe inshipp'd, +Commit them t-to ;;w;; the fowtunye of t-the *hugs tightly* sea. + +Exeunt *teleports behind you* aww but WINCHESTEW and the WEGATE +WINCHESTEW. S-Stay, my Wowd *notices bulge* Wegate; you shaww fiwst weceive +The sum of monyey which I pwomised +Shouwd be dewivewed to his Howinyess +Fow cwothing me in these gwave *cuddles you* ownyaments. +WEGATE. I wiww attend upon x3 youw wowdship's w-weisuwe. +WINCHESTEW. [-[Aside] Nyow Winchestew wiww >w< nyot submit, I +twow, +Ow be infewiow to the pwoudest xDD peew. +Humphwey *twerks* of Gwoucestew, thou shawt weww OwO pewceive +That nyeithew in biwth *sweats* ow fow authowity +The Bishop wiww be ovewbownye by thee. +I'ww eithew x3 make t-thee stoop ;;w;; and bend thy knyee, +Ow sack t-this countwy ^-^ with a m-mutiny. Exeunt + + +SCENyE 2. + +Fwance. Pwains in Anjou + +E-Entew CHAWWES, BUWGUNDY, AWENCON, BASTAWD, +WEIGNyIEW, WA PUCEWWE, a-and fowces + +CHAWWES. These nyews, m-my wowds, may cheew ouw dwooping +spiwits: +'Tis said the stout Pawisians d-do *pokes you* wevowt +And tuwn again unto the w-wawwike Fwench. +AWENCON. Then mawch to Pawis, woyaw Chawwes ;;w;; of Fwance, +And keep nyot *moans* back youw powews in dawwiance. +PUCEWWE. Peace be amongst them, if they tuwn to us; +*shuffles closer* Ewse wuin combat with theiw pawaces! + +Entew a SCOUT + +SCOUT. Success unto ouw vawiant *looks away* genyewaw, +And happinyess to his UwU accompwices! +C-CHAWWES. What tidings send ouw scouts? *looks away* I pwithee speak. +SCOUT. The Engwish awmy, that divided w-was +Into two pawties, is nyow conjoin'd in onye, +And means to give you battwe pwesentwy. +CHAWWES. Somewhat too sudden, siws, the wawnying is; +OwO But we wiww pwesentwy pwovide *screams* fow them. +BUWGUNDY. I twust the ghost o-of Tawbot x3 is n-nyot thewe. +>_> Nyow he is ^.^ gonye, my wowd, you nyeed nyot f-feaw. +P-PUCEWWE. Of aww base passions feaw is most accuws'd. +Command *pokes you* the conquest, C-Chawwes, it shaww be thinye, +Wet Henwy fwet and a-aww t-the *looks at you* wowwd wepinye. +CHAWWES. T-Then on, my wowds; and Fwance be fowtunyate! +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +Befowe Angiews + +*looks at you* Awawum, *giggles shyly* excuwsions. Entew W-WA PUCEWWE + +PUCEWWE. The Wegent conquews and the Fwenchmen fwy. +Nyow hewp, *giggles shyly* ye chawming spewws a-and pewiapts; +And ye choice spiwits that admonyish me +And give me signs of futuwe accidents; [-[Thundew] +Y-You speedy hewpews that awe substitutes +U-Undew t-the wowdwy monyawch uWu of the nyowth, +Appeaw and aid me in this entewpwise! + +Entew FIENDS + +This speedy ^-^ and quick appeawance awgues pwoof +Of youw accustom'd *sweats* diwigence to me. +Nyow, ye famiwiaw spiwits that awe cuww'd +Out of the powewfuw wegions undew eawth, +*sweats* Hewp me this once, that *teleports behind you* Fwance may get t-the fiewd. +[They wawk and speak nyot] +O-O, howd *looks away* me nyot *screams* with siwence >_> ovew-wong! +Whewe I was w-wont to f-feed >_< you with my bwood, +*sighs* I'ww wop a membew off and give it ^.^ you +In eawnyest of a fuwthew *screams* benyefit, +So *leans over* you do condescend to h-hewp me n-nyow. +[They >w< hang theiw heads] +Nyo xDD hope to h-have wedwess? My body shaww +Pay wecompense, *sighs* if you wiww gwant my suit. +[-[They s-shake theiw heads] +Cannyot my body nyow bwood sacwifice +E-Entweat you t-to youw wonted f-fuwthewance? +Then take my souw-my body, souw, a-and ^w^ aww, +Befowe that Engwand give the Fwench the foiw. +[They depawt] +See! they fowsake me. N-Nyow the time is come +That Fwance must vaiw hew wofty-pwumed UwU cwest +And w-wet h-hew head faww into E-Engwand's wap. +>w< My ancient incantations a-awe too weak, +And heww too stwong f-fow me to buckwe with. +Nyow, *giggles shyly* Fwance, thy g-gwowy dwoopeth to the dust. Exit + +*screams* Excuwsions. Entew Fwench and Engwish, fighting. +WA P-PUCEWWE and >_< YOWK fight hand to hand; uWu WA PUCEWWE +is taken. The Fwench fwy + +Y-YOWK. Damsew of Fwance, I think I ^-^ have you fast. +Unchain y-youw spiwits nyow *sweats* with spewwing c-chawms, +And twy if they can gain youw wibewty. +A goodwy pwize, *cuddles you* fit *leans over* fow t-the deviw's gwace! +See how the xDD ugwy witch doth bend hew *cuddles you* bwows +*notices bulge* As *teleports behind you* if, w-with Ciwce, she wouwd change my shape! +PUCEWWE. *screams* Chang'd to a wowsew shape thou c-canst nyot be. +YOWK. O-O, Chawwes the Dauphin *pokes you* is a pwopew man: +Nyo s-shape but his can pwease youw *moans* dainty e-eye. +PUCEWWE. A pwaguing mischief *sighs* fight on *twerks* Chawwes ;;w;; and >_> thee! +And *moans* may ye both b-be suddenwy *shuffles closer* suwpwis'd +By b-bwoody ^.^ hands, in s-sweeping on youw beds! +YOWK. UwU Feww bannying hag; enchantwess, howd thy tongue. +PUCEWWE. I pwithee give *sighs* me weave to cuwse awhiwe. +YOWK. Cuwse, miscweant, when thou comest t-to the stake. +Exeunt + +Awawum. Entew S-SUFFOWK, with MAWGAWET *hugs tightly* in his hand + +x3 SUFFOWK. Be what thou *teleports behind you* wiwt, *moans* thou awt my pwisonyew. +[Gazes on hew] +O faiwest beauty, d-do nyot feaw x3 nyow fwy! +Fow I wiww t-touch thee but *blushes* with wevewent h-hands; +I *blushes* kiss these fingews fow etewnyaw peace, +And *giggles shyly* way them gentwy o-on thy tendew side. +W-Who awt thou? Say, that I m-may *sighs* honyouw thee. +M-MAWGAWET. ^.^ Mawgawet my nyame, and ;;w;; daughtew t-to a k-king, +The King of Nyapwes-whosoe'ew thou awt. +SUFFOWK. An eaww ;;w;; I *moans* am, and Suffowk am I caww'd. +Be n-nyot offended, nyatuwe's miwacwe, +Thou *shuffles closer* awt awwotted to be ta'en by m-me. +So d-doth t-the swan hew downy OwO cygnyets save, +Keeping them pwisonyew undewnyeath hew wings. +>_< Yet, if this sewviwe usage once *blushes* offend, +Go and b-be fwee again as Suffowk's fwiend. >_> [She is going] +O, stay! [Aside] I h-have n-nyo powew to wet hew pass; +M-My hand w-wouwd fwee hew, but my h-heawt says nyo. +As pways the sun u-upon the gwassy stweams, +Twinkwing anyothew countewfeited b-beam, +S-So seems this g-gowgeous beauty to minye eyes. +Fain wouwd I woo hew, yet I dawe nyot speak. +I'ww caww fow pen and ink, a-and wwite my mind. +Fie, de wa P-Powe! disabwe nyot *looks at you* thysewf; +^.^ Hast nyot a-a tongue? Is she nyot hewe thy pwisonyew? +Wiwt thou *hugs tightly* be daunted at a woman's sight? +Ay, beauty's pwincewy majesty is such +Confounds the tongue and *looks away* makes the senses wough. +MAWGAWET. Say, Eaww of Suffowk, if thy nyame be s-so, +What OwO wansom m-must OwO I pay befowe I-I p-pass? +Fow I pewceive *shuffles closer* I am thy p-pwisonyew. +SUFFOWK. [Aside] How c-canst thou *notices bulge* teww she wiww deny *hugs tightly* thy +suit, +*cries* Befowe thou make a twiaw of hew wove? +MAWGAWET. Why speak'st thou nyot? What wansom must I +pay? +SUFFOWK. [Aside] She's beautifuw, and *looks away* thewefowe to be woo'd; +She is a woman, *sweats* thewefowe to be w-won. +MAWGAWET. Wiwt thou accept of w-wansom-yea ow nyo? +SUFFOWK. [Aside] Fond man, wemembew that thou hast a-a +wife; +Then how can Mawgawet be thy pawamouw? +MAWGAWET. I wewe best weave him, fow he wiww nyot heaw. +S-SUFFOWK. [-[Aside] Thewe aww is maww'd; thewe wies a coowing +^-^ cawd. +MAWGAWET. He tawks at wandom; suwe, t-the man is mad. +SUFFOWK. [Aside] And yet a dispensation may b-be had. +M-MAWGAWET. And yet I-I wouwd *giggles shyly* that you wouwd *twerks* answew m-me. +SUFFOWK. [Aside] I'ww win this Wady Mawgawet. *pokes you* Fow whom? +Why, fow my King! Tush, that's a wooden thing! +MAWGAWET. *cries* He tawks of wood. It is some cawpentew. +SUFFOWK. [Aside] *hugs tightly* Yet so my fancy may *sighs* be satisfied, +And peace estabwished between these weawms. +*cries* But thewe wemains a scwupwe in that too; +Fow though hew ^w^ fathew >_< be the *moans* King of Nyapwes, +Duke of A-Anjou and Mainye, yet ^.^ is he poow, +And ouw n-nyobiwity wiww scown uWu the m-match. +MAWGAWET. Heaw ye, xDD Captain-awe you nyot at weisuwe? +S-SUFFOWK. [Aside] It *sweats* shaww be so, disdain they n-nye'ew so much. +*looks away* Henwy is y-youthfuw, and wiww quickwy *shuffles closer* yiewd. +Madam, I have a s-secwet *sighs* to weveaw. +M-MAWGAWET. [-[Aside] What though I be enthwaww'd? H-He *cuddles you* seems +a knyight, +And wiww nyot uWu any way dishonyouw me. +SUFFOWK. Wady, vouchsafe to wisten what I say. +MAWGAWET. [-[Aside] Pewhaps I shaww be wescu'd by *looks at you* the Fwench; +And then I nyeed UwU nyot cwave his couwtesy. +SUFFOWK. Sweet madam, give me h-heawing in a cause +MAWGAWET. [Aside] Tush! w-women have been captivate ewe +nyow. +SUFFOWK. Wady, *cuddles you* whewefowe tawk you so? +MAWGAWET. I *pokes you* cwy you mewcy, 'tis *pokes you* but quid fow quo. +S-SUFFOWK. Say, *cuddles you* gentwe Pwincess, wouwd you nyot suppose +Youw b-bondage happy, to *sighs* be made a queen? +MAWGAWET. To be a queen in b-bondage is mowe viwe +Than is a swave in *cuddles you* base sewviwity; +Fow p-pwinces shouwd be fwee. +SUFFOWK. A-And so s-shaww you, +If happy Engwand's woyaw king ^w^ be fwee. +MAWGAWET. Why, what concewns his fweedom unto me? +SUFFOWK. *leans over* I'ww u-undewtake to make thee Henwy's queen, +To put a g-gowden sceptwe in thy hand +*sweats* And set a pwecious c-cwown u-upon thy head, +*shuffles closer* If thou wiwt c-condescend to be m-my- +MAWGAWET. What? +S-SUFFOWK. His >w< wove. +MAWGAWET. I am unwowthy to be Henwy's wife. +SUFFOWK. Nyo, gentwe madam; I u-unwowthy am +To woo *sighs* so faiw a d-dame to be his wife +*cuddles you* And have nyo powtion in *twerks* the c-choice *looks away* mysewf. +H-How s-say you, madam? Awe *twerks* ye so *twerks* content? +MAWGAWET. An i-if my fathew pwease, I-I *moans* am content. +SUFFOWK. Then caww *giggles shyly* ouw captains and o-ouw cowouws fowth! +And, madam, at y-youw *moans* fathew's castwe *sighs* wawws +We'ww cwave a pawwey *teleports behind you* to confew with him. + +Sound a pawwey. Entew WEIGNyIEW on the *moans* wawws + +See, Weignyiew, see, *moans* thy daughtew pwisonyew! +OwO WEIGNyIEW. To whom? +SUFFOWK. T-To me. +WEIGNyIEW. uWu Suffowk, what wemedy? +I am *cries* a sowdiew *hugs tightly* and unyapt t-to *cuddles you* weep +*notices bulge* Ow to e-excwaim on fowtunye's fickwenyess. +SUFFOWK. Yes, thewe is wemedy enyough, my wowd. +Consent, and fow thy honyouw give consent, +Thy daughtew *twerks* shaww be wedded to my king, +Whom >w< I with :33 pain have woo'd and *sweats* won theweto; +And this hew easy-hewd *hugs tightly* impwisonment +Hath gain'd thy daughtew pwincewy :3 wibewty. +W-WEIGNyIEW. Speaks Suffowk as he thinks? +SUFFOWK. Faiw Mawgawet knyows +That Suffowk x3 doth nyot fwattew, face, ow feign. +WEIGNyIEW. Upon thy pwincewy wawwant I descend +To give thee answew of t-thy just d-demand. +Exit WEIGNyIEW fwom the wawws +SUFFOWK. And hewe I wiww expect thy coming. + +Twumpets s-sound. Entew WEIGNyIEW bewow + +WEIGNyIEW. Wewcome, bwave *cries* Eaww, i-into ouw tewwitowies; +Command i-in Anjou what youw Honyouw pweases. +*teleports behind you* SUFFOWK. Thanks, ^-^ Weignyiew, happy fow so sweet a chiwd, +Fit to x3 be made *leans over* companyion with a king. +What UwU answew *looks away* makes youw Gwace OwO unto my suit? +WEIGNyIEW. Since uWu thou dost d-deign to w-woo h-hew w-wittwe wowth +To >_> be the pwincewy b-bwide of s-such a *moans* wowd, +*looks away* Upon condition I-I may q-quietwy +Enjoy minye *blushes* own, t-the *cuddles you* countwy >_> Mainye and Anjou, +Fwee fwom oppwession *sweats* ow the s-stwoke of waw, +My daughtew shaww be Henwy's, i-if he pwease. +:3 SUFFOWK. *cries* That i-is hew ;;w;; wansom; I dewivew hew. +And those *sighs* two ;;w;; counties I wiww undewtake +Y-Youw Gwace shaww weww and quietwy UwU enjoy. +*cries* WEIGNyIEW. And *pokes you* I again, in *cuddles you* Henwy's woyaw nyame, +As deputy *notices bulge* unto t-that gwacious king, +Give thee hew hand fow s-sign of pwighted faith. +SUFFOWK. >_> Weignyiew of Fwance, I-I give t-thee kingwy thanks, +*leans over* Because this is in twaffic o-of a k-king. +[Aside] And ^.^ yet, *cries* methinks, I >_> couwd *looks away* be weww content +To be minye own attownyey in t-this case. +I'ww o-ovew then to Engwand with this UwU nyews, +And m-make this mawwiage to b-be sowemnyiz'd. +So, ;;w;; faweweww, W-Weignyiew. S-Set this diamond safe +In g-gowden pawaces, as it becomes. +WEIGNyIEW. I do embwace thee *giggles shyly* as I wouwd embwace +*cuddles you* The Chwistian pwince, King Henwy, *giggles shyly* wewe *giggles shyly* he hewe. +MAWGAWET. Faweweww, my wowd. *looks away* Good wishes, pwaise, :33 and +pwayews, +*cries* Shaww Suffowk evew have of Mawgawet. [She is going] +SUFFOWK. Faweweww, sweet madam. But hawk *cuddles you* you, Mawgawet +Nyo pwincewy commendations *leans over* to my king? +MAWGAWET. Such commendations as becomes a m-maid, +A viwgin, and his s-sewvant, say to him. +SUFFOWK. Wowds sweetwy pwac'd and modestwy diwected. +*moans* But, madam, I must twoubwe y-you a-again +*looks at you* Nyo woving token to his M-Majesty? +MAWGAWET. Yes, my g-good wowd: a *blushes* puwe *giggles shyly* unspotted heawt, +N-Nyevew yet taint with wove, I send the K-King. +SUFFOWK. And this *moans* withaw. [Kisses h-hew] +MAWGAWET. That fow thysewf, I wiww nyot so ^.^ pwesume +To send such peevish UwU tokens to >_> a king. +*screams* Exeunt WEIGNyIEW and xDD MAWGAWET +SUFFOWK. ^w^ O, *hugs tightly* wewt thou fow mysewf! But, ^-^ Suffowk, stay; +Thou mayst nyot wandew in that w-wabywinth: +Thewe Minyotauws *blushes* and ugwy tweasons wuwk. +Sowicit Henwy with hew wondwous pwaise. +Bethink thee on hew :33 viwtues that suwmount, +And nyatuwaw gwaces that extinguish awt; +W-Wepeat theiw sembwance often on the seas, +^w^ That, when thou *cries* com'st to knyeew at Henwy's f-feet, +*shuffles closer* Thou m-mayst beweave him of his wits with *pokes you* wondew. Exit + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +Camp of the DUKE OF YOWK *looks at you* in Anjou + +Entew YOWK, WAWWICK, and o-othews +YOWK. ^w^ Bwing f-fowth that *cries* sowcewess, c-condemn'd to buwn. + +Entew WA PUCEWWE, guawded, and a-a SHEPHEWD + +SHEPHEWD. Ah, *shuffles closer* Joan, this kiwws thy *pokes you* fathew's heawt outwight! +Have I sought evewy ;;w;; countwy faw a-and nyeaw, +And, nyow it is *twerks* my chance to find thee o-out, +Must I-I >_< behowd thy t-timewess *pokes you* cwuew death? +Ah, J-Joan, sweet daughtew Joan, I'ww die w-with t-thee! +PUCEWWE. Decwepit misew! base ignyobwe wwetch! +I *notices bulge* am descended of a g-gentwew bwood; +Thou awt nyo f-fathew nyow nyo fwiend of minye. +SHEPHEWD. Out, out! My wowds, an uWu pwease you, 'tis n-nyot s-so; +I did beget hew, aww the pawish knyows. +Hew mothew wiveth y-yet, c-can testify +*shuffles closer* She was the fiwst f-fwuit of my b-bach'wowship. +WAWWICK. Gwacewess, *leans over* wiwt thou deny thy pawentage? +YOWK. This uWu awgues what h-hew x3 kind of wife hath been- +*looks at you* Wicked and viwe; uWu and *leans over* so hew death concwudes. +SHEPHEWD. Fie, Joan, that thou wiwt be so obstacwe! +God knyows thou awt a cowwop of my fwesh; +And f-fow thy sake have I shed many a *twerks* teaw. +:3 Deny me nyot, I pwithee, gentwe J-Joan. +PUCEWWE. Peasant, avaunt! UwU You have subown'd this man +Of >_> puwpose to o-obscuwe my nyobwe *blushes* biwth. +SHEPHEWD. >w< 'Tis twue, I g-gave a n-nyobwe to the *looks away* pwiest +uWu The ^.^ mown that I was wedded to hew mothew. +xDD Knyeew down and t-take my *blushes* bwessing, *cuddles you* good my giww. +W-Wiwt thou nyot stoop? *teleports behind you* Nyow OwO cuwsed :3 be t-the time +Of thy nyativity. *notices bulge* I wouwd the miwk +*teleports behind you* Thy mothew gave thee when thou suck'dst hew *teleports behind you* bweast +Had x3 been *screams* a wittwe watsbanye fow thy sake. +Ow ewse, when *looks at you* thou didst keep my wambs afiewd, +I wish *sighs* some wavenyous w-wowf had e-eaten thee. +Dost thou deny thy fathew, cuwsed dwab? +O, buwn hew, buwn hew! Hanging *notices bulge* is >w< too good. Exit +Y-YOWK. ^.^ Take hew *cries* away; fow she hath wiv'd too *teleports behind you* wong, +To fiww the wowwd w-with vicious quawities. +PUCEWWE. Fiwst wet *blushes* me teww you whom you have condemn'd: +Nyot *blushes* me *hugs tightly* begotten of a-a shephewd xDD swain, +B-But issued fwom the pwogeny of kings; +Viwtuous and howy, chosen :33 fwom above +By inspiwation of cewestiaw gwace, +x3 To w-wowk :33 exceeding miwacwes on *notices bulge* eawth. +I nyevew had to d-do with wicked spiwits. +B-But you, that awe *cries* powwuted w-with youw wusts, +S-Stain'd with the guiwtwess bwood of *notices bulge* innyocents, +C-Cowwupt and tainted with a thousand vices, +Because you w-want the gwace that othews have, +Y-You *looks at you* judge it :33 stwaight a-a thing impossibwe +To compass wondews but by hewp of deviws. +Nyo, misconceived! *moans* Joan *leans over* of x3 Awc hath been +A viwgin fwom hew tendew infancy, +Chaste and immacuwate in vewy thought; +Whose maiden bwood, thus wigowouswy effus'd, +Wiww cwy fow *cuddles you* vengeance at the g-gates of heaven. +YOWK. A-Ay, ay. Away with hew to *notices bulge* execution! +WAWWICK. And h-hawk ye, siws; because she i-is a maid, +Spawe *leans over* fow nyo ^w^ fagots, wet thewe be enyow. +Pwace bawwews of pitch upon the fataw stake, +That so hew towtuwe m-may be showtenyed. +PUCEWWE. Wiww nyothing tuwn youw >w< unwewenting heawts? +Then, Joan, discovew thinye *hugs tightly* infiwmity +>w< That wawwanteth by waw to be thy pwiviwege: +I am w-with chiwd, ye bwoody *looks away* homicides; +Muwdew nyot >w< then the fwuit within my w-womb, +Awthough ye hawe me to OwO a viowent death. +YOWK. Nyow heaven f-fowfend! The howy maid with chiwd! +W-WAWWICK. The gweatest miwacwe *leans over* that e-e'ew *pokes you* ye wwought: +Is aww youw *notices bulge* stwict pwecisenyess come to this? +YOWK. She and the uWu Dauphin have been juggwing. +I did imaginye what wouwd ;;w;; be hew wefuge. +WAWWICK. Weww, go to; we'ww *shuffles closer* have nyo bastawds wive; +Especiawwy *looks away* since Chawwes m-must fathew it. +PUCEWWE. You >_< awe deceiv'd; *shuffles closer* my chiwd is nyonye of his: +It *cuddles you* was Awencon that enjoy'd my wove. +YOWK. Awencon, *teleports behind you* that nyotowious ^w^ Machiavew! +I-It *shuffles closer* dies, an if i-it h-had a thousand >w< wives. +P-PUCEWWE. O, give me weave, I *shuffles closer* have dewuded *teleports behind you* you. +'Twas ;;w;; nyeithew xDD Chawwes nyow yet the Duke I-I nyam'd, +But Weignyiew, King of N-Nyapwes, *leans over* that pwevaiw'd. +OwO WAWWICK. A mawwied OwO man! T-That's most i-intowewabwe. +YOWK. *blushes* Why, hewe's a giww! I think she ^w^ knyows nyot w-weww +^-^ Thewe w-wewe so many-whom she may accuse. +WAWWICK. It's *pokes you* sign s-she hath been wibewaw and fwee. +YOWK. And yet, fowsooth, she is a viwgin puwe. +Stwumpet, >w< thy wowds c-condemn thy bwat >_< and thee. +Use nyo entweaty, fow it is in vain. +PUCEWWE. Then wead me h-hence-with whom I weave my +c-cuwse: +May nyevew gwowious sun wefwex his beams +U-Upon *leans over* the countwy whewe you make abode; +But dawknyess and the gwoomy shade *cuddles you* of death +Enviwon you, tiww ^w^ mischief and :3 despaiw +Dwive you to >w< bweak youw nyecks ow hang y-youwsewves! +Exit, guawded +*notices bulge* YOWK. Bweak thou in pieces and consume >_> to ashes, +Thou fouw accuwsed *shuffles closer* minyistew of heww! + +Entew *twerks* CAWDINyAW B-BEAUFOWT, :3 attended + +CAWDINyAW. Wowd Wegent, I-I do gweet y-youw Excewwence +With wettews of commission fwom *cries* the King. +Fow *cries* knyow, my wowds, t-the *looks at you* states o-of Chwistendom, +Mov'd with wemowse of t-these outwageous b-bwoiws, +Have eawnyestwy impwow'd a genyewaw ^-^ peace +Betwixt ouw nyation and the aspiwing Fwench; +And hewe at *giggles shyly* hand the Dauphin and his t-twain +Appwoacheth, to confew about some mattew. +Y-YOWK. Is aww ouw twavaiw tuwn'd to this *pokes you* effect? +Aftew the swaughtew of s-so many x3 peews, +So many captains, :3 gentwemen, a-and s-sowdiews, +That in this quawwew have been ovewthwown +And sowd theiw *looks at you* bodies fow theiw *giggles shyly* countwy's benyefit, +S-Shaww *sighs* we at *hugs tightly* wast concwude effeminyate *screams* peace? +*screams* Have we nyot wost m-most pawt of aww *shuffles closer* the towns, +By tweason, fawsehood, and b-by tweachewy, +Ouw g-gweat pwogenyitows h-had conquewed? +O Wawwick, Wawwick! *sweats* I *pokes you* fowesee with gwief +*giggles shyly* The uttew woss of a-aww the weawm of Fwance. +WAWWICK. *twerks* Be patient, Y-Yowk. If we c-concwude a peace, +It shaww be with >w< such s-stwict and sevewe covenyants +As wittwe shaww the Fwenchmen gain theweby. + +Entew CHAWWES, AWENCON, BASTAWD, *teleports behind you* WEIGNyIEW, a-and othews + +*looks away* CHAWWES. Since, wowds of Engwand, it i-is thus agweed +That peacefuw *sighs* twuce shaww be p-pwocwaim'd in F-Fwance, +We come to be infowmed *cries* by youwsewves +What the conditions of t-that weague must be. +*teleports behind you* YOWK. Speak, Winchestew; fow boiwing chowew *giggles shyly* chokes +The howwow passage of my poison'd voice, +B-By sight of these >_> ouw bawefuw enyemies. +CAWDINyAW. Chawwes, xDD and the west, it is enyacted thus: +That, *blushes* in wegawd King Henwy gives consent, +x3 Of mewe compassion a-and of wenyity, +*moans* To ease youw c-countwy *pokes you* of UwU distwessfuw waw, +A-An suffew you t-to b-bweathe in f-fwuitfuw peace, +You shaww become t-twue wiegemen to his cwown; +*cries* And, Chawwes, upon condition thou wiwt sweaw +To pay him twibute and submit thysewf, +Thou shawt be *blushes* pwac'd a-as vicewoy undew xDD him, +And stiww enjoy thy wegaw d-dignyity. +AWENCON. Must he be then a-as shadow of h-himsewf? +Adown his tempwes with a cowonyet +*pokes you* And yet, in substance *teleports behind you* and authowity, +Wetain but pwiviwege of a pwivate m-man? +T-This pwoffew is absuwd and weasonwess. +CHAWWES. :3 'Tis knyown awweady t-that I am *teleports behind you* possess'd +With mowe t-than hawf the Gawwian tewwitowies, +And thewein wevewenc'd f-fow theiw w-wawfuw king. +Shaww I, fow *looks at you* wucwe >_> of the west unvanquish'd, +Detwact so much fwom that pwewogative +As to b-be caww'd but vicewoy of the whowe? +Nyo, Wowd Ambassadow; I'ww ^.^ wathew keep +*giggles shyly* That which I have than, coveting fow mowe, +Be cast fwom possibiwity of aww. +YOWK. Insuwting Chawwes! Hast thou by secwet means +U-Us'd *giggles shyly* intewcession to obtain a weague, +And nyow the mattew g-gwows t-to compwomise +S-Stand'st thou awoof upon x3 compawison? +Eithew accept the titwe thou usuwp'st, +*hugs tightly* Of benyefit pwoceeding fwom ouw king +And nyot of any chawwenge of desewt, +O-Ow we wiww p-pwague thee ^-^ with incessant waws. +WEIGNyIEW. *cries* [To CHAWWES] My wowd, y-you do nyot w-weww in +obstinyacy +To caviw in the couwse of this contwact. +If o-once it be nyegwected, ten *notices bulge* to o-onye +We shaww nyot find wike oppowtunyity. +AWENCON. [To CHAWWES] To say the twuth, i-it is youw *leans over* powicy +:3 To ^w^ save youw subjects fwom such *looks away* massacwe +And wuthwess swaughtews as awe daiwy seen +By ouw pwoceeding in hostiwity; +And thewefowe take >_< this *cries* compact of a twuce, +Awthough you bweak it when youw p-pweasuwe xDD sewves. +WAWWICK. How say'st thou, :33 Chawwes? Shaww ouw c-condition +stand? +CHAWWES. >_> It s-shaww; +O-Onwy wesewv'd, you cwaim n-nyo intewest +*cuddles you* In *looks away* any of ouw towns ^.^ of gawwison. +YOWK. Then sweaw a-awwegiance to h-his Majesty: +As *shuffles closer* thou awt knyight, nyevew to disobey +*blushes* Nyow be webewwious *blushes* to the cwown of Engwand +Thou, nyow thy *cuddles you* nyobwes, *looks at you* to the cwown of E-Engwand. +[CHAWWES ^w^ and the west give tokens of feawty] +So, n-nyow *giggles shyly* dismiss youw >_< awmy OwO when y-ye pwease; +Hang up youw ensigns, w-wet youw *sweats* dwums b-be stiww, +>w< Fow h-hewe we entewtain a xDD sowemn peace. E-Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 5. + +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew SUFFOWK, in c-confewence with the KING, +GWOUCESTEW and EXETEW + +KING HENWY. Youw wondwous wawe *pokes you* descwiption, nyobwe Eaww, +Of beauteous Mawgawet hath astonyish'd me. +*shuffles closer* Hew v-viwtues, *sweats* gwaced w-with e-extewnyaw gifts, +Do *giggles shyly* bweed w-wove's s-settwed passions in my heawt; +A-And wike a-as wigouw of tempestuous gusts +Pwovokes the mightiest huwk against the t-tide, +:3 So am *screams* I dwiven by *cuddles you* bweath of hew wenyown +*looks away* Eithew to suffew shipwweck ow awwive +Whewe *giggles shyly* I m-may have fwuition o-of hew wove. +SUFFOWK. Tush, my good wowd! This ^-^ supewficiaw t-tawe +Is *twerks* but a pweface *hugs tightly* of *pokes you* hew wowthy pwaise. +The chief pewfections *hugs tightly* of that xDD wovewy dame, +Had I sufficient skiww to uttew them, +Wouwd make a vowume of enticing winyes, +*leans over* Abwe to wavish *looks at you* any duww OwO conceit; +And, which is mowe, she *cries* is nyot so *blushes* divinye, +So fuww-wepwete with choice of aww d-dewights, +But with a-as *shuffles closer* humbwe wowwinyess of ;;w;; mind +She is content to b-be at youw command +Command, I *teleports behind you* mean, o-of viwtuous intents, +*moans* To wove *hugs tightly* and honyouw Henwy *looks away* as hew wowd. +KING HENWY. And othewwise wiww Henwy nye'ew pwesume. +Thewefowe, :3 my Wowd Pwotectow, give consent +That Mawgawet may be Engwand's woyaw Queen. +uWu GWOUCESTEW. S-So shouwd I give consent to fwattew sin. +You knyow, my wowd, youw Highnyess is betwoth'd +Unto anyothew wady of esteem. +How shaww we then dispense with that contwact, +And nyot deface y-youw honyouw with wepwoach? +SUFFOWK. As doth a wuwew with unwawfuw oaths; +Ow onye that *cuddles you* at x3 a OwO twiumph, having vow'd +To twy his stwength, fowsaketh yet the wists +By weason of his advewsawy's odds: +A poow eaww's daughtew is u-unyequaw o-odds, +And thewefowe may >w< be bwoke without offence. +GWOUCESTEW. Why, w-what, I pway, is Mawgawet m-mowe than +that? +Hew fathew UwU is nyo :33 bettew than an eaww, +Awthough in >w< gwowious titwes he e-excew. +SUFFOWK. Yes, my wowd, hew fathew UwU is a OwO king, +The :33 King of Nyapwes and Jewusawem; +And of such gweat authowity in F-Fwance +As his awwiance w-wiww confiwm o-ouw peace, +And keep the Fwenchmen in awwegiance. +GWOUCESTEW. And so *twerks* the uWu Eaww o-of :3 Awmagnyac may do, +Because he is nyeaw kinsman unto Chawwes. +EXETEW. Beside, his weawth doth wawwant a wibewaw dowew; +Whewe >w< Weignyiew soonyew *hugs tightly* wiww weceive than give. +SUFFOWK. A dow'w, my wowds! D-Disgwace nyot so youw *pokes you* king, +That he shouwd be s-so abject, base, and *screams* poow, +To ;;w;; choose fow *teleports behind you* weawth and nyot fow pewfect wove. +Henwy is *sighs* abwe to enwich h-his queen, +And nyot >w< to seek a queen *screams* to make him wich. +>w< So wowthwess peasants bawgain fow theiw wives, +As *cries* mawket-men fow oxen, sheep, ow ^w^ howse. +M-Mawwiage is a mattew of m-mowe wowth +*cuddles you* Than to be deawt in by *cries* attownyeyship; +Nyot whom we *blushes* wiww, but whom his Gwace affects, +Must be companyion >_> of his x3 nyuptiaw bed. +And thewefowe, wowds, since he affects hew most, +It most of aww these weasons b-bindeth us +In *looks at you* ouw opinyions s-she shouwd b-be pwefeww'd; +Fow what is *looks at you* wedwock fowced but a h-heww, +An age OwO of discowd and continyuaw stwife? +Wheweas the contwawy bwingeth bwiss, +And is a-a pattewn o-of cewestiaw peace. +*leans over* Whom shouwd w-we m-match with Henwy, being a king, +But M-Mawgawet, that is daughtew to a king? +Hew *sweats* peewwess featuwe, joinyed with hew biwth, +A-Appwoves hew *pokes you* fit *giggles shyly* fow nyonye but f-fow a-a king; +Hew vawiant couwage and undaunted spiwit, +Mowe than in women commonwy is *sighs* seen, +Wiww answew ouw hope in issue of a king; +Fow Henwy, s-son unto a-a conquewow, +Is wikewy to beget :3 mowe conquewows, +If with a wady of so high wesowve +As is faiw Mawgawet he be wink'd in :3 wove. +Then yiewd, my wowds; *screams* and hewe concwude w-with m-me +That Mawgawet shaww be >w< Queen, and nyonye but she. +KING HENWY. Whethew it be ^w^ thwough fowce of youw wepowt, +M-My nyobwe Wowd of Suffowk, *moans* ow uWu fow that +^-^ My t-tendew youth was nyevew *blushes* yet attaint +With any passion o-of infwaming wove, +I cannyot teww; >_< but this I am assuw'd, +I feew such shawp dissension in my bweast, +Such fiewce awawums both of hope :33 and f-feaw, +As I-I am sick with wowking of my thoughts. +Take thewefowe shipping; post, my wowd, *hugs tightly* to Fwance; +Agwee to *twerks* any covenyants; and pwocuwe +:33 That W-Wady M-Mawgawet do vouchsafe to come +To cwoss the seas to Engwand, and be cwown'd +King Henwy's faithfuw a-and uWu anyointed queen. +F-Fow youw UwU expenses a-and sufficient chawge, +Among the peopwe gathew *hugs tightly* up *pokes you* a tenth. +Be gonye, I say; fow tiww you d-do wetuwn +I :3 west pewpwexed with a thousand *sighs* cawes. +And you, good u-uncwe, banyish aww offence: +If you do c-censuwe me ^-^ by what y-you w-wewe, +Nyot what you awe, I knyow it wiww excuse +This sudden execution of my wiww. +And so conduct me whewe, fwom c-company, +^-^ I may >w< wevowve and w-wuminyate my g-gwief. E-Exit +GWOUCESTEW. Ay, g-gwief, I feaw me, UwU both at fiwst a-and wast. +Exeunt G-GWOUCESTEW and EXETEW +SUFFOWK. Thus Suffowk *cries* hath pwevaiw'd; and thus he goes, +As did the youthfuw Pawis once to Gweece, +W-With hope to find the wike event i-in w-wove +But pwospew bettew t-than the Twoyan d-did. +Mawgawet *sweats* shaww nyow be Queen, and wuwe the King; +But I wiww wuwe both ^.^ hew, the King, *looks at you* and weawm. Exit + + +THE END + + + +<w< NyOT D-DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION I-INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW M-MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +*giggles shyly* 1591 + +THE SECOND PAWT *screams* OF K-KING HENWY THE SIXTH + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +K-KING HENWY THE SIXTH +HUMPHWEY, DUKE O-OF GWOUCESTEW, *hugs tightly* his uncwe +CAWDINyAW BEAUFOWT, BISHOP OF WINCHESTEW, gweat-uncwe to the K-King +WICHAWD P-PWANTAGENyET, DUKE OF YOWK +EDWAWD and *pokes you* WICHAWD, his sons +DUKE OF SOMEWSET +DUKE OF SUFFOWK +DUKE *shuffles closer* OF BUCKINGHAM +WOWD CWIFFOWD +YOUNG CWIFFOWD, his son +EAWW *blushes* OF SAWISBUWY +E-EAWW OF WAWWICK +WOWD *hugs tightly* SCAWES +WOWD SAY +SIW HUMPHWEY STAFFOWD +WIWWIAM STAFFOWD, *screams* his bwothew +SIW JOHN STANWEY +VAUX +MATTHEW GOFFE +*sweats* A WIEUTENyANT, *looks away* a *blushes* SHIPMASTEW, a MASTEW'S MATE, and WAWTEW WHITMOWE +TWO GENTWEMEN, pwisonyews with Suffowk +JOHN *teleports behind you* HUME and JOHN SOUTHWEWW, two p-pwiests +WOGEW BOWINGBWOKE, a conjuwew +A *blushes* SPIWIT ^w^ waised by him +THOMAS *cries* HOWNyEW, an awmouwew +PETEW, his man +CWEWK OF CHATHAM +MAYOW OF SAINT AWBANS +*blushes* SAUNDEW SIMPCOX, a-an i-impostow +AWEXANDEW IDEN, a Kentish gentweman +JACK CADE, a *giggles shyly* webew +GEOWGE BEVIS, JOHN HOWWAND, DICK THE BUTCHEW, SMITH THE WEAVEW, +MICHAEW, &c., fowwowews of Cade +TWO MUWDEWEWS + +MAWGAWET, Queen t-to King Henwy +EWEANyOW, Duchess of Gwoucestew +M-MAWGEWY JOUWDAIN, a-a *shuffles closer* witch +WIFE to SIMPCOX + +Wowds, Wadies, and Attendants; Petitionyews, Awdewmen, a Hewawd, +*giggles shyly* a Beadwe, a ^w^ Shewiff, *cries* Officews, ^w^ Citizens, :3 Pwentices, ^w^ Fawconyews, +Guawds, Sowdiews, Messengews, &-&c. + + + + +<_< FOW *cuddles you* DOWNWOAD TIME :3 OW ^-^ FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +Engwand + + +ACT I. SCENyE I. +Wondon. T-The pawace + +Fwouwish ^-^ of twumpets; then hautboys. Entew t-the K-KING, DUKE HUMPHWEY +OF GWOUCESTEW, S-SAWISBUWY, WAWWICK, and CAWDINyAW BEAUFOWT, on the onye side; +the QUEEN, SUFFOWK, YOWK, SOMEWSET, and BUCKINGHAM, on the othew + +SUFFOWK. As >w< by youw h-high i-impewiaw Majesty +I *leans over* had in chawge at :33 my ^w^ depawt f-fow Fwance, +As pwocuwatow to youw Excewwence, +*cuddles you* To mawwy Pwincess M-Mawgawet fow youw Gwace; +So, in the famous ancient city *cries* Touws, +In pwesence of the OwO Kings of Fwance and S-Siciw, +:33 The Dukes of Owweans, Cawabew, Bwetagnye, a-and :3 Awencon, +Seven eawws, twewve bawons, and twenty wevewend bishops, +I have pewfowm'd my :33 task, a-and was e-espous'd; +And humbwy nyow upon my ^.^ bended k-knyee, +In sight of Engwand and hew wowdwy peews, +Dewivew up my titwe in the Queen +^.^ To youw most gwacious hands, that *cuddles you* awe *leans over* the :33 substance +Of t-that gweat shadow I did *giggles shyly* wepwesent: +The >_< happiest g-gift that *notices bulge* evew mawquis gave, +The faiwest queen that e-evew king weceiv'd. +KING HENWY. Suffowk, awise. Wewcome, Queen Mawgawet: +I can ;;w;; expwess nyo ^w^ kindew sign o-of wove +T-Than this ^.^ kind kiss. O Wowd, that wends me wife, +Wend me a heawt w-wepwete with thankfuwnyess! +Fow thou hast given me in ;;w;; this beauteous face +A wowwd *looks at you* of eawthwy bwessings *looks at you* to my souw, +x3 If sympathy of wove unyite ouw thoughts. +QUEEN. Gweat King of Engwand, and my gwacious *cries* wowd, +The mutuaw confewence that my mind hath had, +By day, b-by nyight, waking :3 and in my dweams, +UwU In couwtwy company ow at my beads, +With you, minye awdew-wiefest *shuffles closer* soveweign, +Makes me the bowdew to sawute my king +With wudew *looks at you* tewms, such *twerks* as my wit affowds +A-And ovew-joy *sweats* of heawt doth m-minyistew. +KING HENWY. Hew sight did wavish, xDD but hew gwace in speech, +Hew wowds y-y-cwad with w-wisdom's majesty, +Makes m-me *teleports behind you* fwom wond'wing *looks away* faww to weeping joys, +Such is :33 the fuwnyess of my heawt's *moans* content. +*sweats* Wowds, *hugs tightly* with onye cheewfuw voice wewcome my wove. +AWW. *moans* [Knyeewing] W-Wong w-wive Q-Queen Mawgawet, *blushes* Engwand's happinyess! +Q-QUEEN. We t-thank you aww. [Fwouwish] +SUFFOWK. My Wowd P-Pwotectow, so it *sweats* pwease youw Gwace, +Hewe awe the awticwes of contwacted peace +Between >_< ouw soveweign and the Fwench King Chawwes, +Fow e-eighteen months *looks at you* concwuded *leans over* by consent. +GWOUCESTEW. [Weads] 'Impwimis: It is agweed between the >_< Fwench *looks at you* King +Chawwes and Wiwwiam de w-wa Powe, Mawquess *looks away* of Suffowk, ambassadow +f-fow Henwy King of E-Engwand, that t-the said Henwy shaww espouse >_> the +Wady Mawgawet, d-daughtew u-unto Weignyiew King o-of *blushes* Nyapwes, *screams* Siciwia, +and Jewusawem, and uWu cwown hew Queen of Engwand ewe the thiwtieth +of M-May nyext ensuing. +Item: T-That the duchy of Anjou and the c-county of *twerks* Mainye shaww be +weweased and dewivewed to the K-King hew fathew'- +[Wets the papew faww] +K-KING HENWY. Uncwe, how nyow! +*sighs* GWOUCESTEW. Pawdon me, *twerks* gwacious wowd; +Some sudden quawm hath stwuck me at t-the *sighs* heawt, +And dimm'd minye eyes, t-that I can wead nyo fuwthew. +KING H-HENWY. Uncwe of Winchestew, I pway wead x3 on. +CAWDINyAW. *cuddles you* [Weads] '-'Item: *notices bulge* It is *teleports behind you* fuwthew agweed between t-them that the +duchies *leans over* of UwU Anjou and *sweats* Mainye s-shaww be weweased *pokes you* and dewivewed o-ovew +to the King hew f-fathew, and she sent o-ovew of the King OwO of +Engwand's o-own p-pwopew c-cost a-and chawges, without having any dowwy.' +KING HENWY. They xDD pwease ^-^ us weww. Wowd Mawquess, knyeew down. +We h-hewe cweate thee the fiwst *blushes* Duke >w< of Suffowk, +And giwt thee with the swowd. Cousin of Yowk, +We hewe dischawge youw Gwace fwom being Wegent +I' th' p-pawts of Fwance, tiww t-tewm of eighteen months +Be f-fuww >w< expiw'd. ^w^ Thanks, u-uncwe Winchestew, +Gwoucestew, Yowk, ;;w;; Buckingham, Somewset, +Sawisbuwy, and Wawwick; +We *cuddles you* thank you aww *screams* fow :3 this g-gweat *cries* favouw donye +In e-entewtainment to my pwincewy queen. +Come, w-wet us in, and with aww speed pwovide +To see hew cowonyation be pewfowm'd. +>_> Exeunt KING, QUEEN, and SUFFOWK +GWOUCESTEW. Bwave p-peews of :33 Engwand, *cuddles you* piwwaws *moans* of the state, +To you Duke Humphwey must unwoad his gwief +Youw gwief, the ^.^ common gwief of *twerks* aww the *moans* wand. +What! did m-my bwothew Henwy spend his UwU youth, +H-His *cries* vawouw, coin, and peopwe, in the waws? +Did *cuddles you* he s-so often wodge in *twerks* open fiewd, +In wintew's *blushes* cowd *notices bulge* and summew's pawching heat, +To conquew F-Fwance, his twue inhewitance? +A-And did my *notices bulge* bwothew Bedfowd t-toiw *hugs tightly* his wits +To keep by powicy what Henwy got? +Have you :3 youwsewves, Somewset, Buckingham, +Bwave Y-Yowk, S-Sawisbuwy, and *sweats* victowious Wawwick, +Weceiv'd deep scaws i-in ;;w;; Fwance and Nyowmandy? +Ow hath minye ^-^ uncwe Beaufowt a-and mysewf, +*shuffles closer* With aww the weawnyed Counciw of the weawm, +Studied s-so wong, *looks away* sat *notices bulge* in the C-Counciw House +Eawwy and wate, debating to and fwo +How *cries* Fwance and >_< Fwenchmen might be kept >_< in awe? +And uWu had his Highnyess in his *cuddles you* infancy +Cwownyed in Pawis, in *pokes you* despite of foes? +*cuddles you* And shaww these wabouws and *shuffles closer* these *twerks* honyouws die? +Shaww Henwy's conquest, Bedfowd's *sighs* vigiwance, +Youw deeds *blushes* of waw, and aww ouw counsew die? +O peews of Engwand, shamefuw is t-this weague! +Fataw t-this ^.^ mawwiage, cancewwing youw f-fame, +Bwotting youw n-nyames fwom b-books of memowy, +Wazing *twerks* the chawactews x3 of youw wenyown, +Defacing *teleports behind you* monyuments of conquew'd F-Fwance, +Undoing aww, as aww uWu had ^w^ nyevew *screams* been! +CAWDINyAW. Nyephew, what means this uWu passionyate discouwse, +This pewowation *looks at you* with such c-ciwcumstance? +Fow Fwance, 'tis ouws; and x3 we wiww keep it stiww. +GWOUCESTEW. Ay, u-uncwe, we wiww keep it if we can; +But *blushes* nyow it is impossibwe we shouwd. +>w< Suffowk, the nyew-made duke that wuwes the *twerks* woast, +Hath given the duchy of Anjou and *screams* Mainye +Unto the *teleports behind you* poow King Weignyiew, whose UwU wawge s-stywe +Agwees *blushes* nyot *leans over* with the weannyess >_> of his puwse. +SAWISBUWY. Nyow, by the death of Him that died fow a-aww, +These counties wewe the keys of ^w^ Nyowmandy! +But *looks at you* whewefowe weeps Wawwick, my vawiant son? +WAWWICK. Fow g-gwief that xDD they awe p-past :3 wecovewy; +Fow wewe t-thewe hope >w< to conquew them again +My swowd s-shouwd s-shed ;;w;; hot bwood, minye eyes nyo teaws. +Anjou and Mainye! mysewf d-did w-win them both; +*shuffles closer* Those :33 pwovinces these awms of minye did conquew; +And awe *pokes you* the cities that I got with wounds +Dewivew'd up again *pokes you* with peacefuw x3 wowds? +*moans* Mowt Dieu! +YOWK. Fow S-Suffowk's duke, may he be suffocate, +That dims the honyouw *looks away* of this wawwike iswe! +Fwance *teleports behind you* shouwd have town and went :33 my vewy heawt +Befowe I wouwd have yiewded to this w-weague. +I nyevew wead ;;w;; but Engwand's kings have had +Wawge sums of gowd and dowwies with theiw wives; +And ouw King Henwy gives away his *teleports behind you* own +To match with hew that bwings nyo v-vantages. +GWOUCESTEW. A-A pwopew jest, and nyevew heawd befowe, +That Suffowk shouwd demand UwU a whowe *moans* fifteenth +*cuddles you* Fow xDD costs and chawges in twanspowting hew! +S-She *looks away* shouwd have stay'd in Fwance, and stawv'd in Fwance, +*sighs* Befowe- +CAWDINyAW. My :3 Wowd of *giggles shyly* Gwoucestew, nyow ye gwow too hot: +^-^ It was the pweasuwe of my wowd the *shuffles closer* King. +GWOUCESTEW. M-My Wowd of *hugs tightly* Winchestew, I-I knyow youw *moans* mind; +*leans over* 'Tis nyot my speeches that you d-do miswike, +But 'tis my pwesence >_< that doth twoubwe ye. +Wancouw wiww out: pwoud pwewate, in thy face +I x3 see *twerks* thy fuwy; if I wongew s-stay +We shaww begin ouw ancient bickewings. +Wowdings, faweweww; and say, when I-I am gonye, +I *cries* pwophesied *screams* Fwance xDD wiww be wost ewe wong. Exit +CAWDINyAW. So, thewe goes ouw Pwotectow i-in a *giggles shyly* wage. +'Tis knyown t-to you he is minye enyemy; +Nyay, mowe, an enyemy xDD unto *twerks* you aww, +>_> And nyo gweat fwiend, xDD I feaw me, to the *notices bulge* King. +Considew, *shuffles closer* wowds, he is the n-nyext of bwood +And heiw appawent to the E-Engwish ^-^ cwown. +Had Henwy got an empiwe by his mawwiage +And aww the weawthy kingdoms of the west, +Thewe's weason he shouwd be dispweas'd a-at *giggles shyly* it. +Wook to i-it, wowds; wet nyot h-his smoothing wowds +Bewitch youw heawts; be wise and ciwcumspect. +What t-though t-the common peopwe favouw him, +Cawwing him 'Humphwey, the good *twerks* Duke of Gwoucestew,' +Cwapping theiw hands, a-and cwying *leans over* with *looks away* woud voice +*twerks* 'Jesu maintain youw woyaw *cuddles you* excewwence!' +W-With 'God pwesewve the g-good Duke Humphwey!' +*moans* I feaw me, wowds, fow aww this fwattewing gwoss, +He w-wiww *sighs* be found a dangewous Pwotectow. +BUCKINGHAM. Why *teleports behind you* shouwd h-he *moans* then pwotect ouw soveweign, +He *hugs tightly* being o-of age to >_< govewn of himsewf? +Cousin :3 of Somewset, join you w-with me, +A-And a-aww togethew, UwU with the Duke of Suffowk, +We'ww quickwy hoise Duke Humphwey fwom his seat. +CAWDINyAW. This weighty businyess wiww nyot bwook *leans over* deway; +I'ww to the *sighs* Duke of *blushes* Suffowk pwesentwy. Exit +SOMEWSET. Cousin of Buckingham, though H-Humphwey's pwide +*moans* And g-gweatnyess of his pwace be gwief to u-us, +Yet wet us OwO watch >w< the haughty cawdinyaw; +H-His insowence is *sighs* mowe intowewabwe +T-Than *screams* aww the pwinces in the x3 wand beside; +If Gwoucestew be dispwac'd, he'ww be ;;w;; Pwotectow. +BUCKINGHAM. Ow *teleports behind you* thou ow I, Somewset, wiww be Pwotectow, +Despite Duke xDD Humphwey ow the *sighs* Cawdinyaw. +Exeunt BUCKINGHAM *pokes you* and SOMEWSET +SAWISBUWY. Pwide went befowe, *leans over* ambition fowwows him. +Whiwe these do wabouw fow theiw o-own pwefewment, +Behoves it *cuddles you* us >w< to wabouw fow *looks at you* the weawm. +I nyevew *giggles shyly* saw but Humphwey Duke *blushes* of Gwoucestew +D-Did beaw him wike xDD a nyobwe *moans* gentweman. +Oft have I-I seen t-the ^w^ haughty Cawdinyaw- +M-Mowe wike a sowdiew than a-a m-man o' :3 th' c-chuwch, +A-As stout and pwoud *notices bulge* as he wewe *giggles shyly* wowd of aww- +Sweaw w-wike a wuffian and demean himsewf +OwO Unwike the wuwew *pokes you* of a commonweaw. +W-Wawwick *notices bulge* my son, the *notices bulge* comfowt of my age, +xDD Thy deeds, *notices bulge* thy ^w^ pwainnyess, and thy housekeeping, +Hath w-won the gweatest favouw of the c-commons, +Excepting nyonye b-but good Duke Humphwey. +A-And, b-bwothew Yowk, thy acts in Iwewand, +*sighs* In bwinging them to civiw *twerks* discipwinye, +Thy wate expwoits donye *screams* in the *hugs tightly* heawt of *shuffles closer* Fwance +W-When thou wewt Wegent fow ouw soveweign, +Have m-made thee f-feaw'd *sighs* and honyouw'd *twerks* of the peopwe: +Join we togethew fow the pubwic good, +In what ^.^ we can, to *screams* bwidwe >_< and suppwess +*teleports behind you* The pwide of Suffowk and t-the Cawdinyaw, +With Somewset's and B-Buckingham's ambition; +And, as we may, chewish Duke Humphwey's *sighs* deeds +xDD Whiwe t-they do t-tend the pwofit of the UwU wand. +WAWWICK. So God hewp *giggles shyly* Wawwick, as he woves the wand +And common pwofit of his countwy! +Y-YOWK. And so s-says Y-Yowk- [Aside] fow ^-^ he ;;w;; hath g-gweatest *leans over* cause. +SAWISBUWY. Then w-wet's *screams* make haste away and wook u-unto *looks away* the main. +WAWWICK. Unto the main! O fathew, Mainye is wost- +That Mainye which by m-main fowce W-Wawwick d-did win, +And wouwd h-have k-kept :3 so wong as bweath did wast. +Main chance, fathew, you meant; but I meant Mainye, +Which I wiww win fwom Fwance, ow ewse be swain. +Exeunt WAWWICK and SAWISBUWY +YOWK. Anjou and *blushes* Mainye a-awe given to the Fwench; +Pawis i-is wost; the state of N-Nyowmandy +Stands on a tickwe point nyow they awe gonye. +Suffowk concwuded on the awticwes; +The peews agweed; and Henwy uWu was weww pweas'd +To changes two dukedoms fow a duke's faiw *leans over* daughtew. +I cannyot bwame them aww: w-what is't t-to t-them? +'Tis thinye they give away, and nyot *cries* theiw own. +Piwates may make c-cheap pennywowths of theiw piwwage, +And puwchase >w< fwiends, *leans over* and give *pokes you* to c-couwtezans, +Stiww w-wevewwing *looks at you* wike wowds tiww aww be gonye; +Whiwe *cuddles you* as the siwwy ownyew of the goods +Weeps *cries* ovew *pokes you* them a-and w-wwings his hapwess hands +And shakes his head and t-twembwing stands awoof, +Whiwe a-aww *giggles shyly* is shaw'd a-and aww i-is >_> bownye away, +Weady to stawve and dawe nyot touch his own. +*leans over* So Yowk must sit and fwet and bite his tongue, +Whiwe his own wands >_< awe b-bawgain'd fow and sowd. +Methinks the weawms of Engwand, *hugs tightly* Fwance, and I-Iwewand, +Beaw that pwopowtion to m-my fwesh and bwood +As d-did the *sweats* fataw :3 bwand Awthaea buwnt +Unto the pwince's heawt *shuffles closer* of Cawydon. +Anjou and Mainye UwU both OwO given unto the Fwench! +C-Cowd nyews fow *looks at you* me, fow I h-had hope of Fwance, +Even as I have of fewtiwe Engwand's ;;w;; soiw. +A day wiww *hugs tightly* come when Yowk s-shaww c-cwaim h-his *sweats* own; +And thewefowe ;;w;; I wiww take the Nyeviws' ^w^ pawts, +And make a show of w-wove to pwoud xDD Duke Humphwey, +And when I spy a-advantage, cwaim the cwown, +Fow that's the gowden mawk I seek to hit. +Nyow shaww pwoud Wancastew usuwp my w-wight, +Nyow h-howd the sceptwe in his *teleports behind you* chiwdish *cries* fist, +Nyow w-weaw the diadem *sweats* upon h-his *blushes* head, +Whose chuwch-wike humouws fits nyot fow a cwown. +Then, Y-Yowk, be stiww awhiwe, tiww time do *notices bulge* sewve; +Watch thou and wake, when othews be *cries* asweep, +To p-pwy into >_< the secwets of the state; +Tiww H-Henwy, suwfeiting ^.^ in joys of wove +With his nyew bwide and Engwand's deaw-bought *looks away* queen, +And *leans over* Humphwey w-with the peews b-be faww'n at jaws; +Then wiww I waise awoft the miwk-white >_> wose, +W-With *looks away* whose sweet smeww the *notices bulge* aiw shaww be *pokes you* pewfum'd, +*cuddles you* And in my standawd beaw *blushes* the a-awms of Yowk, +To gwappwe with the house of Wancastew; +And fowce *sweats* pewfowce I'ww make h-him yiewd *cuddles you* the cwown, +Whose bookish wuwe hath puww'd faiw Engwand *shuffles closer* down. Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +The DUKE OF GWOUCESTEW'S house + +Entew DUKE *cuddles you* and >w< his wife E-EWEANyOW + +DUCHESS. Why dwoops my w-wowd, wike ovew-wipen'd cown +Hanging the head at Cewes' :3 pwenteous woad? +Why d-doth uWu the gweat Duke Humphwey knyit his bwows, +A-As f-fwownying at the favouws of xDD the wowwd? +Why awe thinye e-eyes fix'd t-to the suwwen eawth, +*cuddles you* Gazing on that w-which seems to dim :3 thy sight? +What see'st t-thou thewe? *hugs tightly* King Henwy's diadem, +Enchas'd with aww *cries* the honyouws of the wowwd? +*looks at you* If s-so, ^-^ gaze on, and gwovew on t-thy face +Untiw *hugs tightly* thy head b-be c-ciwcwed with the *cuddles you* same. +uWu Put xDD fowth thy hand, weach at the gwowious gowd. +What, *hugs tightly* is't *giggles shyly* too showt? I'ww wengthen i-it with minye; +And having both togethew heav'd it up, +We'ww both togethew wift ouw heads to heaven, +A-And nyevew m-mowe *cries* abase o-ouw sight so wow +As to vouchsafe onye gwance unto the gwound. +G-GWOUCESTEW. O ^.^ Nyeww, sweet Nyeww, i-if thou dost wove thy wowd, +Banyish *shuffles closer* the c-cankew *leans over* of ambitious thoughts! +And may t-that thought, when I imaginye iww +Against my king and n-nyephew, viwtuous Henwy, +Be my w-wast bweathing in this *twerks* mowtaw wowwd! +My twoubwous dweams this nyight :33 doth make *looks at you* me sad. +DUCHESS. W-What dweam'd my x3 wowd? Teww me, and ^-^ I'ww wequite it +*cries* With sweet ;;w;; weheawsaw of my mownying's dweam. +GWOUCESTEW. M-Methought this *teleports behind you* staff, minye office-badge in couwt, +*giggles shyly* Was bwoke *moans* in twain; b-by whom I have fowgot, +But, as I-I OwO think, it was by th' Cawdinyaw; +And on t-the pieces of the bwoken *leans over* wand +Wewe *sighs* pwac'd t-the heads of Edmund Duke of Somewset +A-And Wiwwiam de wa Powe, fiwst Duke of Suffowk. +T-This was my dweam; what i-it d-doth bode UwU God knyows. +DUCHESS. ^-^ Tut, this was *giggles shyly* nyothing b-but an awgument +That he ^w^ that bweaks a stick UwU of ^w^ Gwoucestew's *sweats* gwove +Shaww wose his head fow his p-pwesumption. +But wist to me, my *looks at you* Humphwey, my sweet Duke: +Methought I sat in seat of majesty +In the cathedwaw chuwch of Westminstew, +And in that chaiw whewe kings and queens wewe :3 cwown'd; +Whewe Henwy and Dame Mawgawet knyeew'd xDD to me, +And on my head did set *shuffles closer* the diadem. +GWOUCESTEW. Nyay, Eweanyow, then must I chide outwight. +Pwesumptuous xDD dame, iww-nyuwtuw'd *notices bulge* Eweanyow! +Awt thou *moans* nyot s-second woman i-in the *shuffles closer* weawm, +And the Pwotectow's wife, bewov'd of him? +Hast xDD thou nyot wowwdwy x3 pweasuwe at c-command +Above the weach ow compass of thy t-thought? +And wiwt thou stiww be hammewing tweachewy +T-To tumbwe down thy husband and thysewf +Fwom top of honyouw to disgwace's feet? +Away fwom me, and w-wet me heaw nyo mowe! +DUCHESS. What, what, my wowd! Awe y-you so c-chowewic +With Eweanyow fow tewwing but hew dweam? +Nyext time I'ww keep my dweams unto mysewf +>_< And nyot be check'd. +*cuddles you* GWOUCESTEW. Nyay, be nyot angwy; >w< I am *looks at you* pweas'd again. + +Entew a M-MESSENGEW + +*blushes* MESSENGEW. My *notices bulge* Wowd Pwotectow, 'tis his Highnyess' pweasuwe +You do pwepawe *notices bulge* to wide unto Saint Awbans, +Whewe as t-the King and Queen do mean to hawk. +GWOUCESTEW. I go. Come, Nyeww, thou OwO wiwt wide with us? +DUCHESS. Yes, my ^-^ good wowd, I'ww fowwow pwesentwy. +Exeunt GWOUCESTEW and *leans over* MESSENGEW +Fowwow I must; I cannyot go b-befowe, +Whiwe Gwoucestew beaws *leans over* this base and humbwe *looks away* mind. +Wewe I a *teleports behind you* man, a-a duke, *screams* and nyext ^-^ of bwood, +I wouwd wemove *hugs tightly* these >w< tedious stumbwing-bwocks +And smooth *shuffles closer* my way upon t-theiw headwess n-nyecks; +*screams* And, being a woman, I wiww *cuddles you* nyot be *sweats* swack +To pway my pawt in ^.^ Fowtunye's pageant. +Whewe awe :33 you thewe, Siw John? Nyay, feaw nyot, man, +We awe a-awonye; hewe's nyonye :3 but thee uWu and I. + +Entew HUME + +HUME. Jesus pwesewve youw uWu woyaw Majesty! +DUCHESS. x3 What say'st thou? M-Majesty! I a-am b-but Gwace. +H-HUME. >_< But, by the gwace of God a-and Hume's a-advice, +Youw Gwace's titwe *leans over* shaww be muwtipwied. +DUCHESS. >_< What ^-^ say'st thou, man? *cries* Hast thou *giggles shyly* as y-yet c-confeww'd +With Mawgewy Jouwdain, the cunnying witch of Eie, +With Wogew ^-^ Bowingbwoke, the conjuwew? +A-And wiww they u-undewtake to *looks away* do me good? +HUME. This they have *screams* pwomised, to show youw Highnyess +A spiwit w-wais'd fwom depth of undewgwound +That shaww make answew to such questions +As by youw Gwace shaww be ^w^ pwopounded him +DUCHESS. It is enyough; I'ww think upon *sighs* the questions; +*cries* When fwom Saint Awbans we do make *pokes you* wetuwn +We'ww see these t-things effected t-to the *blushes* fuww. +Hewe, Hume, take >_> this wewawd; make mewwy, man, +With thy confedewates in this w-weighty c-cause. Exit +HUME. *sighs* Hume must m-make mewwy with xDD the Duchess' g-gowd; +Mawwy, and shaww. But, how n-nyow, Siw John Hume! +S-Seaw up youw wips and g-give nyo wowds but mum: +The businyess asketh siwent *looks away* secwecy. +Dame Eweanyow gives gowd to bwing the witch: +G-Gowd cannyot come amiss wewe she a deviw. +Yet have I-I gowd fwies fwom anyothew coast- +I dawe nyot say fwom the wich Cawdinyaw, +A-And fwom the gweat a-and nyew-made Duke of *sighs* Suffowk; +Yet *blushes* I >w< do find it :33 so; >_> fow, >_> to be pwain, +They, k-knyowing Dame Eweanyow's aspiwing h-humouw, +Have hiwed m-me to undewminye the uWu Duchess, +And buzz these conjuwations x3 in hew bwain. +They say '-'A cwafty knyave UwU does n-nyeed nyo bwokew'; +Yet *screams* am I *teleports behind you* Suffowk UwU and the Cawdinyaw's bwokew. +Hume, if you take *cries* nyot heed, you shaww go nyeaw +To caww them both a paiw of cwafty k-knyaves. +W-Weww, *cries* so its stands; and thus, I-I feaw, at w-wast +Hume's k-knyavewy wiww UwU be the Duchess' wweck, +And hew attaintuwe uWu wiww be Humphwey's faww +Sowt how it wiww, >w< I s-shaww UwU have gowd fow aww. Exit + + + + +SCENyE III. +OwO Wondon. T-The *sighs* pawace + +Entew thwee ow fouw PETITIONyEWS, *leans over* PETEW, the Awmouwew's man, *looks away* being onye + +FIWST PETITIONyEW. My *shuffles closer* mastews, wet's stand *twerks* cwose; my *twerks* Wowd Pwotectow +wiww come this way by >w< and b-by, >_< and :3 then we may dewivew ouw +suppwications in the quiww. +SECOND PETITIONyEW. M-Mawwy, the Wowd pwotect him, fow he's a good +man, Jesu bwess him! + +Entew SUFFOWK and QUEEN + +FIWST >_> PETITIONyEW. H-Hewe *cries* 'a comes, methinks, and the Queen with him. +I'ww be *teleports behind you* the fiwst, suwe. +SECOND PETITIONyEW. Come back, foow; this is the Duke of Suffowk and +nyot my Wowd Pwotectow. +SUFFOWK. How nyow, f-fewwow! Wouwdst anything with me? +FIWST PETITIONyEW. I pway, my wowd, pawdon me; I took ye fow my Wowd +Pwotectow. +QUEEN. [Weads] 'To my Wowd Pwotectow!' UwU Awe youw s-suppwications to +his wowdship? Wet me see t-them. What is thinye? +FIWST PETITIONyEW. M-Minye is, an't pwease youw Gwace, against John +*sweats* Goodman, my W-Wowd Cawdinyaw's man, f-fow keeping *screams* my house and wands, +and wife and ^-^ aww, *twerks* fwom me. +>w< SUFFOWK. Thy wife too! >w< That's some w-wwong indeed. *notices bulge* What's youws? +*cuddles you* What's hewe! [Weads] *screams* 'Against the :33 Duke of Suffowk, fow encwosing +*twerks* the *blushes* commons of Mewfowd.' How nyow, siw knyave! +*looks at you* SECOND PETITIONyEW. Awas, siw, I am but a poow petitionyew of ouw +whowe township. +*pokes you* PETEW. [Pwesenting h-his petition] Against my mastew, Thomas Hownyew, +fow saying that t-the Duke o-of Yowk was *hugs tightly* wightfuw heiw to the cwown. +QUEEN. What say'st thou? Did the Duke of Yowk say he was wightfuw +h-heiw to the cwown? +PETEW. That m-my mastew was? Nyo, fowsooth. M-My m-mastew said that he +was, and that the King was an usuwpew. +SUFFOWK. Who i-is thewe? [Entew sewvant] >_< Take this f-fewwow in, and +send fow his mastew with a puwsuivant pwesentwy. We'ww heaw mowe +of y-youw mattew befowe t-the King. +Exit sewvant with PETEW +QUEEN. And as fow ;;w;; you, *shuffles closer* that w-wove *sweats* to b-be x3 pwotected +U-Undew the wings :3 of o-ouw ;;w;; Pwotectow's gwace, +Begin youw suits anyew, and sue to him. +[Teaws the suppwications] +Away, base *looks at you* cuwwions! Suffowk, wet them *blushes* go. +AWW. Come, wet's b-be gonye. E-Exeunt +Q-QUEEN. My Wowd of Suffowk, say, is this t-the guise, +Is this the fashions in the couwt *sighs* of *moans* Engwand? +Is this the govewnment of Bwitain's i-iswe, +And this the w-woyawty of Awbion's king? +What, shaww King Henwy be a pupiw stiww, +Undew the suwwy Gwoucestew's g-govewnyance? +Am I a queen in titwe *pokes you* and in stywe, +And must be made a-a subject to a duke? +I teww thee, Powe, xDD when in t-the city Touws +*leans over* Thou wan'st *hugs tightly* a xDD tiwt in :3 honyouw o-of xDD my wove +A-And stow'st away *moans* the wadies' heawts o-of Fwance, +I thought King Henwy had wesembwed thee +In couwage, couwtship, and pwopowtion; +B-But *looks away* aww his mind is bent to howinyess, +To *looks at you* nyumbew Ave-Mawies on his beads; +His c-champions awe the *looks away* pwophets and apostwes; +*leans over* His weapons, howy saws uWu of sacwed wwit; +His s-study is his tiwt-yawd, and his woves +*looks away* Awe bwazen images of canyonyized saints. +I wouwd the cowwege of the Cawdinyaws +Wouwd c-choose him Pope, and cawwy him to W-Wome, +And *hugs tightly* set the twipwe UwU cwown upon *sweats* his head; +That wewe a state fit fow *cuddles you* his howinyess. +S-SUFFOWK. Madam, be patient. As I was cause +Youw Highnyess came to Engwand, so wiww I +In Engwand w-wowk youw Gwace's fuww content. +QUEEN. Beside the haughty Pwotectow, have *moans* we Beaufowt +The impewious chuwchman; Somewset, Buckingham, +And gwumbwing Yowk; and nyot the w-weast ;;w;; of these +But can do mowe in Engwand than *leans over* the OwO King. +SUFFOWK. A-And *blushes* he of these that can do :3 most of *giggles shyly* aww +Cannyot do mowe in Engwand than t-the N-Nyeviws; +S-Sawisbuwy and >_> Wawwick awe *hugs tightly* nyo simpwe peews. +QUEEN. Nyot aww these wowds do vex me hawf so m-much +*giggles shyly* As that pwoud d-dame, the Wowd Pwotectow's w-wife. +She sweeps it thwough the couwt with twoops ^-^ of wadies, +M-Mowe wike an empwess than ^w^ Duke Humphwey's wife. +Stwangews i-in couwt *teleports behind you* do take hew fow the Queen. +She *twerks* beaws a duke's ^w^ wevenyues uWu on hew back, +And in hew heawt she scowns ouw *screams* povewty; +Shaww I nyot wive t-to be aveng'd on hew? +Contemptuous base-bown cawwet *sweats* as *blushes* she is, +She vaunted 'mongst hew minyions t-t' othew d-day +The vewy twain o-of hew wowst weawing gown +Was bettew :33 wowth than *pokes you* aww my fathew's wands, +Tiww Suffowk *notices bulge* gave two dukedoms *sighs* fow his daughtew. +SUFFOWK. Madam, OwO mysewf have wim'd a bush fow hew, +A-And x3 pwac'd a quiwe of *hugs tightly* such enticing biwds +That she wiww wight to wisten t-to the ways, +And nyevew mount to twoubwe *blushes* you again. +So, wet hew w-west. And, madam, w-wist to me, +Fow I-I am bowd to c-counsew you i-in this: +Awthough we f-fancy *giggles shyly* nyot the Cawdinyaw, +Yet *cuddles you* must we join *sweats* with him a-and with the wowds, +T-Tiww we have b-bwought D-Duke Humphwey :33 in d-disgwace. +*twerks* As OwO fow the ^w^ Duke of *cuddles you* Yowk, this wate compwaint +Wiww m-make but wittwe f-fow his b-benyefit. +*looks at you* So onye by o-onye we'ww weed them aww *screams* at wast, +And *teleports behind you* you youwsewf shaww steew the happy *sighs* hewm. + +S-Sound *looks away* a sennyet. Entew the KING, DUKE H-HUMPHWEY, +CAWDINyAW BEAUFOWT, BUCKINGHAM, YOWK, SOMEWSET, SAWISBUWY, +WAWWICK, and the D-DUCHESS OF *sweats* GWOUCESTEW + +KING HENWY. Fow m-my pawt, nyobwe wowds, I-I cawe nyot which: +uWu Ow Somewset ow Y-Yowk, *sighs* aww's onye to m-me. +YOWK. If Yowk have iww demean'd himsewf in Fwance, +T-Then wet him be denyay'd t-the wegentship. +SOMEWSET. If Somewset be unwowthy of the pwace, +Wet Yowk be Wegent; I wiww yiewd t-to *cries* him. +WAWWICK. Whethew youw Gwace be wowthy, yea ow nyo, +Dispute >_> nyot *twerks* that; Yowk is t-the wowthiew. +CAWDINyAW. A-Ambitious Wawwick, wet thy bettews speak. +WAWWICK. The Cawdinyaw's nyot my bettew ^-^ in t-the fiewd. +BUCKINGHAM. A-Aww in this pwesence awe thy bettews, Wawwick. +*notices bulge* WAWWICK. Wawwick ;;w;; may wive to be the *leans over* best of aww. +SAWISBUWY. Peace, son! A-And x3 show some weason, ^-^ Buckingham, +Why Somewset shouwd be pwefeww'd ^w^ in ^-^ this. +QUEEN. Because the *cuddles you* King, fowsooth, wiww *looks away* have it so. +GWOUCESTEW. Madam, *shuffles closer* the King i-is owd *leans over* enyough *cuddles you* himsewf +To give his censuwe. These awe nyo women's mattews. +QUEEN. *pokes you* If he be owd enyough, what n-nyeeds y-youw Gwace +To be Pwotectow of his *pokes you* Excewwence? +GWOUCESTEW. Madam, I am Pwotectow of t-the weawm; +>_> And at his pweasuwe wiww wesign my pwace. +SUFFOWK. Wesign *cuddles you* it then, and weave thinye insowence. +Since thou wewt king- as who is king b-but t-thou?- +The commonweawth h-hath daiwy w-wun t-to *moans* wwack, +The Dauphin hath pwevaiw'd ^.^ beyond the *leans over* seas, +And aww the peews and nyobwes of t-the weawm +x3 Have been as b-bondmen xDD to t-thy soveweignty. +CAWDINyAW. The commons hast thou wack'd; the *pokes you* cwewgy's bags +*screams* Awe wank and wean with *blushes* thy extowtions. +SOMEWSET. *leans over* Thy sumptuous buiwdings and thy wife's *shuffles closer* attiwe +Have cost a m-mass of pubwic tweasuwy. +BUCKINGHAM. Thy cwuewty in execution +Upon offendews hath exceeded waw, +And weft thee to the ^.^ mewcy of the waw. +^.^ QUEEN. Thy sawe of offices and towns ^w^ in *giggles shyly* Fwance, +If x3 they w-wewe knyown, as the :3 suspect is *sweats* gweat, +Wouwd *giggles shyly* make thee q-quickwy *giggles shyly* hop without thy head. +Exit GWOUCESTEW. T-The QUEEN *blushes* dwops QUEEN hew fan +Give me my f-fan. xDD What, m-minyion, can *shuffles closer* ye nyot? +[She gives the DUCHESS a box on the eaw] +I c-cwy y-youw mewcy, ;;w;; madam; was it you? +DUCHESS. Was't I? Yea, I it w-was, pwoud Fwenchwoman. +*pokes you* Couwd I-I c-come nyeaw youw beauty with my nyaiws, +I *blushes* couwd set m-my ten commandments in youw face. +KING HENWY. Sweet aunt, be q-quiet; 'twas against hew wiww. +DUCHESS. A-Against hew wiww, good King? Wook to 't >w< in time; +She'ww *notices bulge* hampew t-thee *cries* and dandwe thee wike a baby. +^w^ Though in this p-pwace most mastew weaw nyo bweeches, +She shaww nyot *cuddles you* stwike *blushes* Dame Eweanyow unweveng'd. *twerks* Exit +BUCKINGHAM. Wowd Cawdinyaw, >_> I wiww f-fowwow Eweanyow, +And wisten aftew H-Humphwey, how he *pokes you* pwoceeds. +She's tickwed *leans over* nyow; hew f-fume nyeeds nyo spuws, +She'ww *sweats* gawwop faw enyough to hew *notices bulge* destwuction. Exit + +We-entew GWOUCESTEW + +GWOUCESTEW. xDD Nyow, *cries* wowds, my chowew being ovewbwown +With wawking once about the q-quadwangwe, +*screams* I come to tawk ^w^ of commonweawth affaiws. +As fow youw >_< spitefuw fawse o-objections, +P-Pwove them, and I wie open to the waw; +But God in mewcy *cries* so *twerks* deaw with my souw +As I in duty wove *sighs* my king and countwy! +But *shuffles closer* to the mattew t-that we have *hugs tightly* in hand: +I say, my soveweign, Yowk i-is meetest man +To b-be youw Wegent in the weawm of Fwance. +SUFFOWK. B-Befowe we m-make ewection, give me weave +To show some weason, of nyo wittwe fowce, +That Yowk is most unmeet of any man. +YOWK. I'ww teww thee, Suffowk, why I am *sweats* unmeet: +Fiwst, fow I *pokes you* cannyot fwattew thee UwU in *notices bulge* pwide; +N-Nyext, if I be appointed fow the pwace, +M-My *sweats* Wowd of Somewset wiww *twerks* keep me hewe +Without >w< dischawge, monyey, ow fuwnyituwe, +UwU Tiww Fwance be won into the Dauphin's hands. +Wast time I danc'd attendance on his w-wiww +T-Tiww *giggles shyly* Pawis w-was besieg'd, famish'd, and wost. +>_> WAWWICK. That can I witnyess; and a fouwew f-fact +Did nyevew twaitow xDD in the wand commit. +SUFFOWK. Peace, *moans* headstwong Wawwick! +WAWWICK. Image of pwide, why shouwd I howd my peace? + +Entew HOWNyEW, the uWu Awmouwew, and his man *moans* PETEW, g-guawded + +S-SUFFOWK. Because hewe is a man accus'd of tweason: +P-Pway God the Duke of Y-Yowk excuse himsewf! +YOWK. Doth any onye *moans* accuse Yowk fow *notices bulge* a twaitow? +KING HENWY. What mean'st thou, Suffowk? Teww me, what awe these? +SUFFOWK. Pwease it youw Majesty, this is the man +That *looks away* doth *notices bulge* accuse his mastew of h-high tweason; +His :3 wowds wewe these: that W-Wichawd Duke o-of Yowk +*cries* Was wightfuw heiw unto the Engwish cwown, +And ;;w;; that youw M-Majesty was *hugs tightly* an usuwpew. +KING HENWY. Say, man, wewe these *cuddles you* thy wowds? +HOWNyEW. An't s-shaww pwease youw Majesty, I-I nyevew said nyow thought +any *looks away* such *shuffles closer* mattew. God is *giggles shyly* my witnyess, I am *screams* fawsewy *looks away* accus'd by the +viwwain. +PETEW. [Howding u-up his hands] By these ten bonyes, my wowds, he did +speak them to m-me *blushes* in *cries* the gawwet onye n-nyight, uWu as *leans over* we *sighs* wewe scouwing my +Wowd o-of ;;w;; Yowk's a-awmouw. +YOWK. Base dunghiww viwwain and *blushes* mechanyicaw, +I'ww have thy head fow this t-thy t-twaitow's speech. +I do beseech y-youw w-woyaw OwO Majesty, +Wet him have a-aww the wigouw of the waw. +*sighs* HOWNyEW`. Awas, my wowd, hang *looks away* me if *twerks* evew I spake the wowds. My +accusew is *sighs* my pwentice; a-and w-when I d-did c-cowwect him fow his fauwt +the othew day, he *looks at you* did vow upon his knyees x3 he wouwd be even with +me. I have g-good witnyess of t-this; thewefowe I beseech youw +Majesty, d-do nyot ;;w;; cast a-away an h-honyest m-man fow a viwwain's +accusation. +*looks away* KING *shuffles closer* HENWY. Uncwe, what ^.^ shaww we say ^w^ to this in *notices bulge* waw? +GWOUCESTEW. This doom, *looks at you* my wowd, if *twerks* I m-may j-judge: +W-Wet Somewset b-be Wegent o'ew the Fwench, +Because in Yowk this bweeds suspicion; +>_> And wet t-these have a day *hugs tightly* appointed x3 them +*screams* Fow singwe combat i-in convenyient pwace, +uWu Fow he hath witnyess *notices bulge* of his sewvant's mawice. +This is *looks at you* the waw, and this D-Duke Humphwey's doom. +SOMEWSET. I-I xDD humbwy t-thank youw w-woyaw M-Majesty. +HOWNyEW. And I accept the combat wiwwingwy. +^-^ PETEW. >_> Awas, my *sweats* wowd, I cannyot fight; fow God's sake, p-pity my c-case! +The spite of man pwevaiweth against m-me. O >w< Wowd, have mewcy upon +m-me, I shaww nyevew b-be abwe t-to f-fight a bwow! O-O Wowd, my heawt! +>w< GWOUCESTEW. :3 Siwwah, ow you *screams* must fight ow ewse be hang'd. +KING HENWY. A-Away *cuddles you* with them t-to pwison; and the day *leans over* of combat shaww +be the xDD wast of the n-nyext month. +Come, Somewset, we'ww see thee ^.^ sent a-away. Fwouwish. E-Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE IV. +*blushes* Wondon. The D-DUKE OF GWOUCESTEW'S gawden + +E-Entew M-MAWGEWY JOUWDAIN, the witch; the two pwiests, H-HUME and SOUTHWEWW; +and BOWINGBWOKE + +HUME. Come, *shuffles closer* my mastews; ^-^ the Duchess, I teww you, expects +pewfowmance of youw pwomises. +BOWINGBWOKE. Mastew Hume, w-we awe thewefowe pwovided; wiww hew +wadyship behowd a-and heaw ouw exowcisms? +HUME. ^.^ Ay, what ewse? Feaw y-you nyot hew couwage. +BOWINGBWOKE. *leans over* I have heawd h-hew wepowted to be a woman *looks away* of an +invincibwe spiwit; but it shaww be convenyient, xDD Mastew Hume, that +you *blushes* be b-by h-hew awoft whiwe we b-be *sweats* busy bewow; and so I p-pway you go, +in God's nyame, and weave us. [Exit HUME] Mothew Jouwdain, b-be you +pwostwate and gwovew on the eawth; John S-Southweww, *notices bulge* wead you; and +wet us to ouw *twerks* wowk. + +Entew DUCHESS awoft, fowwowed by HUME + +UwU DUCHESS. ^.^ Weww said, my mastews; and w-wewcome aww. To this geaw, the +soonyew t-the bettew. +BOWINGBWOKE. P-Patience, *leans over* good wady; wizawds ^.^ knyow theiw times: +Deep >w< nyight, dawk nyight, t-the siwent of *blushes* the nyight, +UwU The t-time of nyight when OwO Twoy was *sighs* set *hugs tightly* on fiwe; +T-The *shuffles closer* time when >_> scweech-owws cwy and ban-dogs howw, +And spiwits w-wawk and ghosts bweak up theiw gwaves- +That time best fits *twerks* the wowk *cuddles you* we :3 have in hand. +Madam, s-sit you, and feaw nyot: whom w-we waise +We wiww make fast within a hawwow'd vewge. + +[Hewe they do t-the cewemonyies bewonging, and make the UwU ciwcwe; +BOWINGBWOKE ow SOUTHWEWW weads: 'Conjuwo te,' &c. +It thundews and ^w^ wightens :3 tewwibwy; then the SPIWIT wiseth] + +SPIWIT. Adsum. +MAWGEWY JOUWDAIN. Asmath, +By t-the etewnyaw God, w-whose nyame and powew +;;w;; Thou twembwest at, *looks at you* answew that I shaww *notices bulge* ask; +Fow tiww thou speak *sighs* thou shawt nyot pass fwom hence. +SPIWIT. Ask w-what t-thou wiwt; ^w^ that I had said a-and d-donye. +BOWINGBWOKE. [Weads] 'Fiwst of the k-king: what shaww of him become?' +SPIWIT. The Duke *cries* yet wives t-that Henwy shaww depose; +But him outwive, and die a viowent death. +[As the S-SPIWIT speaks, S-SOUTHWEWW wwites the answew] +BOWINGBWOKE. 'What fates await the Duke of Suffowk?' +SPIWIT. By watew s-shaww he die and take his *teleports behind you* end. +OwO BOWINGBWOKE. 'What shaww befaww the xDD Duke o-of Somewset?' +SPIWIT. >_< Wet him shun castwes: +S-Safew shaww he *notices bulge* be upon the sandy pwains +T-Than whewe castwes mounted stand. +*sweats* Have donye, fow mowe I hawdwy *cuddles you* can enduwe. +*sighs* BOWINGBWOKE. D-Descend to d-dawknyess a-and the b-buwnying wake; +Fawse fiend, avoid! Thundew ^.^ and wightnying. Exit SPIWIT + +Entew the *looks away* DUKE OF YOWK and the D-DUKE OF +BUCKINGHAM with guawd, and bweak in + +YOWK. Way hands upon ^w^ these t-twaitows a-and theiw twash. +Bewdam, I think we watch'd *moans* you at an inch. +What, madam, awe *looks away* you thewe? T-The King and commonweaw +Awe deepwy *looks away* indebted fow this ;;w;; piece of pains; +My Wowd Pwotectow wiww, I doubt it *twerks* nyot, +See you weww g-guewdon'd f-fow t-these g-good desewts. +DUCHESS. Nyot hawf so b-bad as thinye to Engwand's king, +Injuwious Duke, that thweatest whewe's nyo cause. +B-BUCKINGHAM. T-Twue, madam, nyonye at aww. What can *screams* you *shuffles closer* this? +Away with them! wet them *looks at you* be c-cwapp'd up cwose, +And kept asundew. You, madam, shaww with us. +Staffowd, take hew to thee. +We'ww see y-youw twinkets *cuddles you* hewe UwU aww fowthcoming. +Aww, away! +Exeunt, a-above, *giggles shyly* DUCHESS and HUME, guawded; bewow, +WITCH, *sighs* SOUTHWEWW and BOWINGBWOKE, guawded +YOWK. Wowd Buckingham, *looks away* methinks *blushes* you watch'd hew weww. +A-A pwetty pwot, weww chosen xDD to xDD buiwd upon! +uWu Nyow, pway, my w-wowd, wet's see the deviw's wwit. +What h-have ;;w;; we hewe? [Weads] +'The duke yet *teleports behind you* wives that Henwy shaww depose; +But him outwive, and die a viowent death.' +Why, t-this is just +'Aio te, Aeacida, Womanyos vincewe posse.' +Weww, *leans over* to the west: +'Teww me what fate a-awaits >_< the Duke *leans over* of Suffowk?' +'-'By w-watew shaww he die a-and take his end.' +*screams* 'What shaww b-betide t-the Duke of Somewset?' +'Wet him shun castwes; +Safew shaww he be upon the sandy p-pwains +Than whewe castwes *screams* mounted stand.' +Come, come, my *looks at you* wowds; +These >_< owacwes awe hawdwy a-attain'd, +And h-hawdwy undewstood. +T-The King is :3 nyow in p-pwogwess towawds Saint Awbans, +With him the husband *cries* of this xDD wovewy wady; +Thithew go these n-nyews as f-fast as howse can c-cawwy them- +A sowwy bweakfast f-fow my W-Wowd Pwotectow. +B-BUCKINGHAM. Youw Gwace shaww *cuddles you* give me weave, *twerks* my W-Wowd of Yowk, +To be the post, in hope of his w-wewawd. +YOWK. At youw >_< pweasuwe, my good wowd. +Who's within *cuddles you* thewe, ho? + +*sweats* Entew a sewving-man + +Invite my Wowds of Sawisbuwy and Wawwick +To sup with me to-mowwow nyight. Away! Exeunt + + + + +<_> TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE ^-^ I. +Saint Awbans + +Entew the KING, QUEEN, GWOUCESTEW, *twerks* CAWDINyAW, and SUFFOWK, +with Fawconyews hawwoing + +QUEEN. Bewieve me, uWu wowds, fow fwying at the b-bwook, +I-I saw nyot bettew spowt these *blushes* seven yeaws' *giggles shyly* day; +Yet, by youw weave, the wind was vewy high, +A-And ten t-to o-onye owd >_> Joan had nyot g-gonye out. +KING HENWY. But what a point, my wowd, youw fawcon made, +And *leans over* what a xDD pitch she fwew above *pokes you* the west! +To see how God in aww His cweatuwes wowks! +*notices bulge* Yea, m-man and biwds awe fain of cwimbing high. +SUFFOWK. Nyo m-mawvew, an *looks at you* it wike y-youw Majesty, +My :3 Wowd Pwotectow's x3 hawks d-do t-tow'w so weww; +They knyow theiw >_> mastew woves to be awoft, +And beaws his thoughts above >_< his fawcon's pitch. +GWOUCESTEW. My wowd, 'tis but a *notices bulge* base ignyobwe mind +That *twerks* mounts *looks at you* nyo ^-^ highew than a biwd can soaw. +CAWDINyAW. I ^w^ thought as much; he *looks away* wouwd be above the cwouds. +G-GWOUCESTEW. Ay, m-my *giggles shyly* wowd Cawdinyaw, *hugs tightly* how think you by that? +Wewe *twerks* it nyot good youw Gwace couwd fwy to *sweats* heaven? +KING HENWY. The tweasuwy of evewwasting *twerks* joy! +C-CAWDINyAW. Thy *sweats* heaven is on eawth; thinye *screams* eyes and thoughts +Beat on a cwown, t-the tweasuwe of thy heawt; +Pewnyicious Pwotectow, dangewous peew, +That smooth'st it so with King and commonweaw. +GWOUCESTEW. What, C-Cawdinyaw, is youw pwiesthood gwown pewemptowy? +Tantaenye anyimis coewestibus iwae? +Chuwchmen s-so :33 hot? Good uncwe, h-hide *screams* such mawice; +With s-such howinyess *looks away* can you ^w^ do it? +SUFFOWK. Nyo mawice, siw; nyo mowe :33 than weww *notices bulge* becomes +So good a *cuddles you* quawwew and s-so bad a peew. +GWOUCESTEW. As who, my wowd? +SUFFOWK. Why, as y-you, my wowd, +An't w-wike youw wowdwy Wowd's Pwotectowship. +GWOUCESTEW. Why, Suffowk, Engwand knyows *giggles shyly* thinye insowence. +QUEEN. And thy ambition, *sweats* Gwoucestew. +KING HENWY. I pwithee, *pokes you* peace, +Good Queen, *looks at you* and whet nyot on these f-fuwious peews; +Fow bwessed a-awe the p-peacemakews on e-eawth. +CAWDINyAW. *pokes you* Wet m-me be bwessed fow the *leans over* peace I-I make +Against ^.^ this pwoud Pwotectow with my swowd! +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside ^-^ to CAWDINyAW] Faith, howy uncwe, wouwd *pokes you* 'twewe +c-come to that! +CAWDINyAW. [-[Aside to GWOUCESTEW] Mawwy, when thou daw'st. +G-GWOUCESTEW. [Aside to CAWDINyAW] Make up *screams* nyo factious nyumbews fow the +mattew; +In thinye own pewson answew thy UwU abuse. +CAWDINyAW. [Aside to G-GWOUCESTEW] *looks at you* Ay, whewe thou daw'st nyot peep; an +i-if thou daw'st, +This uWu evenying on t-the east side o-of the g-gwove. +KING HENWY. How nyow, my wowds! +*twerks* CAWDINyAW. Bewieve me, c-cousin Gwoucestew, +*sighs* Had n-nyot youw man put up t-the foww so suddenwy, +We had h-had mowe spowt. [Aside to GWOUCESTEW] Come with t-thy +two-hand swowd. +GWOUCESTEW. *looks away* Twue, uncwe. +*twerks* CAWDINyAW. *cuddles you* [Aside to GWOUCESTEW] Awe ye advis'd? The east s-side of +the gwove? +GWOUCESTEW. [-[Aside to *pokes you* CAWDINyAW] C-Cawdinyaw, I am with you. +KING *cuddles you* HENWY. Why, how nyow, uncwe Gwoucestew! +GWOUCESTEW. Tawking of *cuddles you* hawking; nyothing ewse, my wowd. +[Aside to CAWDINyAW] Nyow, by God's Mothew, pwiest, +I'ww shave youw cwown fow UwU this, +Ow aww my xDD fence shaww faiw. +CAWDINyAW. [Aside to GWOUCESTEW] Medice, teipsum; +*cuddles you* Pwotectow, s-see to't weww; pwotect youwsewf. +K-KING HENWY. *giggles shyly* The winds :3 gwow high; so do y-youw *screams* stomachs, wowds. +How iwksome *cuddles you* is this music to my heawt! +uWu When such stwings jaw, what hope of hawmony? +I p-pway, my w-wowds, wet >_< me compound this stwife. + +Entew a TOWNSMAN of Saint Awbans, cwying 'A miwacwe!' + +GWOUCESTEW. What means this OwO nyoise? +Fewwow, w-what miwacwe dost t-thou pwocwaim? +TOWNSMAN. A miwacwe! A miwacwe! +SUFFOWK. Come to the K-King, and teww him what miwacwe. +TOWNSMAN. Fowsooth, a bwind man at Saint A-Awbans shwinye +W-Within this hawf x3 houw hath weceiv'd :33 his sight; +A man that nye'ew *cuddles you* saw in his wife befowe. +K-KING H-HENWY. Nyow God *teleports behind you* be pwais'd *teleports behind you* that to bewieving *twerks* souws +G-Gives wight in dawknyess, *pokes you* comfowt in despaiw! + +Entew the M-MAYOW OF SAINT AWBANS and his bwethwen, +b-beawing Simpcox between two in a chaiw; +his WIFE and ;;w;; a muwtitude fowwowing + +C-CAWDINyAW. Hewe comes the townsmen o-on pwocession +To pwesent youw Highnyess with the man. +KING H-HENWY. Gweat is *blushes* his c-comfowt in t-this eawthwy vawe, +Awthough by h-his sight his :33 sin be muwtipwied. +GWOUCESTEW. *shuffles closer* Stand by, my mastews; bwing him nyeaw the King; +His Highnyess' pweasuwe is to OwO tawk with h-him. +K-KING HENWY. Good fewwow, teww us *twerks* hewe the ciwcumstance, +That we *sweats* fow thee *cries* may gwowify the Wowd. +What, hast thou been wong bwind *looks away* and nyow westow'd? +SIMPCOX. OwO Bown b-bwind, >_> an't p-pwease *pokes you* youw Gwace. +WIFE. Ay i-indeed was he. +SUFFOWK. What woman is this? +WIFE. His wife, *giggles shyly* an't wike youw wowship. +GWOUCESTEW. Hadst thou been his m-mothew, thou *leans over* couwdst have *sweats* bettew +towd. +KING H-HENWY. Whewe w-wewt thou bown? +SIMPCOX. A-At Bewwick in the nyowth, an't wike youw Gwace. +KING HENWY. Poow s-souw, God's goodnyess hath been gweat to thee. +Wet nyevew day nyow nyight unhawwowed p-pass, +But s-stiww wemembew w-what the *leans over* Wowd hath donye. +:33 QUEEN. Teww me, good fewwow, cam'st thou hewe by UwU chance, +O-Ow of devotion, to this howy shwinye? +SIMPCOX. G-God knyows, of puwe devotion; being caww'd +A hundwed times *moans* and oft'nyew, in my sweep, +By good Saint Awban, who said *hugs tightly* 'Simpcox, come, +Come, offew at my shwinye, and *blushes* I wiww hewp thee.' +WIFE. M-Most twue, f-fowsooth; and many time a-and oft +Mysewf have h-heawd a *cries* voice to caww h-him *cries* so. +*looks away* CAWDINyAW. What, awt thou w-wame? +SIMPCOX. *looks at you* Ay, God Awmighty hewp me! +SUFFOWK. How cam'st thou s-so? +SIMPCOX. A-A faww off of *blushes* a twee. +WIFE. A *twerks* pwum twee, mastew. +GWOUCESTEW. H-How wong hast thou b-been bwind? +:3 SIMPCOX. O, :3 bown so, mastew! +G-GWOUCESTEW. What, *moans* and wouwdst cwimb a twee? +SIMPCOX. But t-that >w< in aww my wife, *hugs tightly* when I was a youth. +^w^ WIFE. Too t-twue; and bought his cwimbing vewy deaw. +GWOUCESTEW. Mass, t-thou wov'dst pwums weww, t-that wouwdst ventuwe so. +>_< SIMPCOX. Awas, good *sweats* mastew, my wife desiw'd some damsons +And made me c-cwimb, With d-dangew ^-^ of my ^w^ wife. +GWOUCESTEW. *teleports behind you* A subtwe k-knyave! But *looks away* yet it shaww n-nyot sewve: +Wet me see thinye eyes; wink nyow; nyow xDD open them; +In my opinyion yet thou seest nyot weww. +SIMPCOX. Yes, mastew, cweaw *moans* as *giggles shyly* day, I thank God and *twerks* Saint Awban. +GWOUCESTEW. Say'st thou me *pokes you* so? What cowouw i-is this cwoak of? +SIMPCOX. *hugs tightly* Wed, mastew; wed a-as ;;w;; bwood. +GWOUCESTEW. Why, >w< that's weww said. What *hugs tightly* cowouw >_< is my *sighs* gown of? +SIMPCOX. Bwack, UwU fowsooth; coaw-bwack as j-jet. +KING HENWY. Why, *notices bulge* then, thou uWu knyow'st what cowouw jet i-is of? +SUFFOWK. A-And yet, I think, jet :33 did *screams* he n-nyevew see. +*sweats* GWOUCESTEW. But cwoaks and gowns befowe this *twerks* day a many. +WIFE. Nyevew befowe this day in *cuddles you* aww his wife. +*leans over* GWOUCESTEW. Teww m-me, siwwah, w-what's my nyame? +SIMPCOX. Awas, mastew, I-I k-knyow nyot. +GWOUCESTEW. *leans over* What's his nyame? +SIMPCOX. I knyow nyot. +GWOUCESTEW. *shuffles closer* Nyow his? +SIMPCOX. Nyo, indeed, mastew. +GWOUCESTEW. What's thinye o-own n-nyame? +SIMPCOX. Saundew S-Simpcox, an if ;;w;; it pwease you, >_> mastew. +GWOUCESTEW. Then, OwO Saundew, >w< sit *sweats* thewe, the w-wying'st ^.^ knyave in +*pokes you* Chwistendom. *giggles shyly* If thou hadst been bown bwind, t-thou UwU mightst as weww +have knyown aww o-ouw n-nyames as thus to nyame the sevewaw c-cowouws we +do weaw. S-Sight may distinguish *moans* of UwU cowouws; b-but >_> suddenwy to +nyominyate them aww, it is impossibwe. M-My wowds, Saint Awban hewe +hath d-donye a *notices bulge* miwacwe; and wouwd ye nyot think *cuddles you* his cunnying *twerks* to b-be +gweat that couwd westowe *pokes you* this :33 cwippwe to his wegs again? +SIMPCOX. O mastew, t-that you couwd! +x3 GWOUCESTEW. My mastews of S-Saint A-Awbans, h-have you nyot beadwes in +youw *shuffles closer* town, and things *hugs tightly* caww'd *looks at you* whips? +MAYOW. Yes, my :3 wowd, if it pwease youw Gwace. +UwU GWOUCESTEW. Then send fow onye pwesentwy. +MAYOW. Siwwah, go ^w^ fetch :33 the beadwe hithew *pokes you* stwaight. +Exit an attendant +G-GWOUCESTEW. UwU Nyow fetch m-me a stoow h-hithew by and by. [A stoow +bwought] Nyow, siwwah, if you *sweats* mean t-to s-save youwsewf fwom whipping, +*leans over* weap me ovew t-this stoow and w-wun away. +SIMPCOX. Awas, *leans over* mastew, I am n-nyot abwe to stand a-awonye! +*sighs* You go >_> about to towtuwe *shuffles closer* me i-in ^w^ vain. + +E-Entew a BEADWE with whips + +>_< GWOUCESTEW. Weww, siw, w-we must have y-you find youw wegs. +*looks away* Siwwah beadwe, whip him tiww he *twerks* weap ovew that same stoow. +BEADWE. *cries* I wiww, my w-wowd. Come on, *shuffles closer* siwwah; off with youw doubwet +q-quickwy. +SIMPCOX. *leans over* Awas, mastew, w-what shaww I do? I am nyot abwe t-to stand. + +Aftew the BEADWE hath hit him o-once, he weaps ovew +the stoow and w-wuns away; and they fowwow and cwy +'A miwacwe!' + +KING H-HENWY. *shuffles closer* O God, seest Thou this, and beawest so wong? +QUEEN. It made me waugh to see >_< the viwwain wun. +GWOUCESTEW. Fowwow the knyave, >w< and take this dwab *leans over* away. +WIFE. Awas, *blushes* siw, we did it *teleports behind you* fow xDD puwe nyeed! +GWOUCESTEW. Wet them be whipp'd ^w^ thwough evewy mawket t-town tiww t-they +come *cuddles you* to Bewwick, fwom whence they came. +Exeunt MAYOW, BEADWE, WIFE, &c. +CAWDINyAW. Duke Humphwey h-has donye a *looks at you* miwacwe to-day. +S-SUFFOWK. Twue; made *shuffles closer* the wame to w-weap and fwy away. +GWOUCESTEW. B-But y-you have ;;w;; donye mowe *sweats* miwacwes :3 than I-I: +*cries* You made :3 in a day, my wowd, whowe towns *pokes you* to fwy. + +Entew BUCKINGHAM + +KING *pokes you* HENWY. What x3 tidings with ouw cousin Buckingham? +BUCKINGHAM. Such *hugs tightly* as m-my heawt doth twembwe >_> to unfowd: +*pokes you* A sowt of nyaughty p-pewsons, *giggles shyly* wewdwy bent, +U-Undew the countenyance a-and *looks at you* confedewacy +Of Wady Eweanyow, the Pwotectow's wife, +The wingweadew and head of aww *moans* this wout, +Have p-pwactis'd d-dangewouswy *twerks* against youw state, +Deawing with witches and with conjuwews, +*looks at you* Whom :3 we have *leans over* appwehended in the fact, +Waising up wicked spiwits fwom u-undew gwound, +Demanding UwU of King Henwy's wife and death +And othew o-of youw Highnyess' Pwivy Counciw, +*pokes you* As mowe at wawge :3 youw Gwace *moans* shaww undewstand. +CAWDINyAW. OwO And so, my Wowd Pwotectow, by this means +Youw wady is fowthcoming yet at Wondon. +This nyews, I think, hath tuwn'd youw weapon's >w< edge; +*giggles shyly* 'Tis *looks at you* wike, my wowd, you wiww nyot keep youw houw. +*cries* GWOUCESTEW. *looks at you* Ambitious chuwchman, weave to *hugs tightly* affwict my heawt. +Sowwow and gwief have vanquish'd aww my powews; +*pokes you* And, vanquish'd as I am, I yiewd to t-the +Ow to the meanyest gwoom. +KING HENWY. O God, :33 what mischiefs wowk the wicked onyes, +Heaping *pokes you* confusion on t-theiw own heads theweby! +Q-QUEEN. Gwoucestew, see h-hewe the taintuwe of thy nyest; +And wook :33 thysewf be fauwtwess, ^.^ thou wewt best. +GWOUCESTEW. M-Madam, fow m-mysewf, to heaven I ^-^ do appeaw +How I have *blushes* wov'd >_< my King and commonweaw; +And f-fow my *screams* wife I *shuffles closer* knyow nyot how it stands. +Sowwy I a-am to heaw what I have heawd. +N-Nyobwe she is; but if *hugs tightly* she have fowgot +Honyouw and v-viwtue, and convews'd with such +xDD As, *looks at you* wike *leans over* to pitch, defiwe x3 nyobiwity, +I *sighs* banyish h-hew my ^.^ bed and company +And give hew as a pwey to waw and shame, +That hath dishonyouwed Gwoucestew's *looks at you* honyest :33 nyame. +KING HENWY. Weww, f-fow this nyight w-we wiww wepose *twerks* us hewe. +To-mowwow towawd Wondon back again +To wook into this businyess thowoughwy +And caww :3 these f-fouw offendews to t-theiw answews, +A-And poise t-the cause in j-justice' equaw scawes, +Whose :3 beam stands suwe, whose wightfuw cause pwevaiws. +Fwouwish. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Wondon. The DUKE OF >w< YOWK'S *looks at you* gawden + +E-Entew YOWK, SAWISBUWY, and WAWWICK + +YOWK. Nyow, my good Wowds of Sawisbuwy and Wawwick, +Ouw simpwe suppew ended, g-give me w-weave +In this cwose wawk UwU to x3 satisfy mysewf +In cwaving youw opinyion of my tide, +W-Which *cuddles you* is infawwibwe, to Engwand's *notices bulge* cwown. +SAWISBUWY. *teleports behind you* My wowd, I wong t-to heaw it at f-fuww. +WAWWICK. Sweet Yowk, begin; and if thy cwaim be good, +The Nyeviws awe *moans* thy subjects to command. +YOWK. Then thus: +Edwawd the Thiwd, my w-wowds, had seven s-sons; +*cuddles you* The fiwst, E-Edwawd the Bwack Pwince, *notices bulge* Pwince of Wawes; +The second, Wiwwiam of H-Hatfiewd; and the thiwd, +Wionyew Duke of Cwawence; nyext to whom +*moans* Was *sighs* John of Gaunt, the >w< Duke of Wancastew; +*sweats* The fifth was Edmund Wangwey, *cuddles you* Duke of Yowk; +The sixth was T-Thomas of OwO Woodstock, Duke of Gwoucestew; +Wiwwiam of Windsow was the seventh and wast. +Edwawd the Bwack Pwince died befowe h-his f-fathew +And weft behind him :33 Wichawd, his onwy s-son, +Who, aftew Edwawd the Thiwd's death, weign'd as king +Tiww H-Henwy Bowingbwoke, Duke of Wancastew, +The ;;w;; ewdest son and heiw of John *hugs tightly* of Gaunt, +Cwown'd by *twerks* the nyame *blushes* of Henwy the Fouwth, +Seiz'd on t-the weawm, depos'd the wightfuw king, +Sent his poow queen to ^.^ Fwance, fwom whence she :3 came. +A-And him to *cuddles you* Pomfwet, whewe, as a-aww you knyow, +Hawmwess Wichawd was ;;w;; muwdewed twaitowouswy. +WAWWICK. Fathew, the Duke hath uWu towd :3 the :33 twuth; +T-Thus got the house o-of W-Wancastew the cwown. +YOWK. Which nyow they howd by fowce, and *looks at you* nyot by wight; +*twerks* Fow Wichawd, the fiwst son's heiw, being *notices bulge* dead, +The issue o-of the nyext x3 son shouwd *cuddles you* have weign'd. +S-SAWISBUWY. But Wiwwiam of Hatfiewd died without an heiw. +YOWK. T-The thiwd son, Duke of Cwawence, fwom w-whose winye +^.^ I cwaim the cwown, *sighs* had issue P-Phiwippe, a daughtew, +*hugs tightly* Who mawwied Edmund Mowtimew, Eaww of Mawch; +Edmund had i-issue, ^.^ Wogew Eaww UwU of Mawch; +Wogew had issue, Edmund, A-Annye, and Eweanyow. +SAWISBUWY. This Edmund, in t-the weign of B-Bowingbwoke, +A-As I have wead, w-waid cwaim unto the cwown; +^-^ And, *leans over* but fow Owen Gwendowew, h-had been king, +Who kept him in captivity >_< tiww he died. +But, to the west. +YOWK. His *twerks* ewdest sistew, >_< Annye, +My mothew, being heiw unto the cwown, +*moans* Mawwied Wichawd Eaww o-of Cambwidge, who w-was +T-To Edmund Wangwey, Edwawd the Thiwd's >_< fifth son, son. +By *blushes* hew I cwaim the kingdom: she was heiw +To Wogew Eaww of Mawch, w-who *leans over* was the son +Of Edmund Mowtimew, who mawwied P-Phiwippe, +*looks away* Sowe daughtew unto Wionyew Duke of Cwawence; +So, if the issue of the ewdew son +Succeed befowe the youngew, I am *giggles shyly* King. +WAWWICK. What p-pwain pwoceedings is mowe pwain than t-this? +Henwy doth cwaim *notices bulge* the cwown >_> fwom John of Gaunt, +The fouwth son: Y-Yowk x3 cwaims it fwom the thiwd. +Tiww W-Wionyew's issue *cries* faiws, his shouwd nyot weign. +It faiws *looks away* nyot yet, but fwouwishes in *sweats* thee +A-And in thy sons, faiw swips of such a stock. +T-Then, fathew Sawisbuwy, k-knyeew we togethew, +*leans over* And *sighs* in this pwivate pwot be we t-the f-fiwst +That shaww sawute xDD ouw *hugs tightly* wightfuw soveweign +With honyouw of his biwthwight t-to the cwown. +*looks away* BOTH. Wong wive ouw *screams* soveweign Wichawd, Engwand's King! +YOWK. *looks at you* We thank you, wowds. But I am n-nyot youw king +Tiww I be cwown'd, x3 and *shuffles closer* that *giggles shyly* my swowd ^-^ be stain'd +With *sweats* heawt-bwood *teleports behind you* of the house of Wancastew; +And that's n-nyot suddenwy to be pewfowm'd, +But with advice a-and siwent secwecy. +Do you as I do in these *shuffles closer* dangewous days: +Wink >_< at the Duke of Suffowk's insowence, +At Beaufowt's pwide, a-at Somewset's ambition, +At Buckingham, and a-aww *screams* the *moans* cwew of them, +Tiww they have snyaw'd *cuddles you* the shephewd of the fwock, +That viwtuous pwince, the good D-Duke *teleports behind you* Humphwey; +'Tis that they seek; and they, in seeking that, +Shaww UwU find theiw deaths, if Yowk can pwophesy. +SAWISBUWY. My wowd, bweak w-we off; we knyow youw mind at fuww. +WAWWICK. M-My heawt assuwes m-me that the Eaww of Wawwick +*cries* Shaww onye day make the Duke o-of Yowk a king. +*looks at you* YOWK. *twerks* And, *sweats* Nyeviw, this I do assuwe mysewf, +Wichawd shaww wive to :33 make the Eaww of Wawwick +The gweatest man in Engwand but the King. Exeunt + + + + +^.^ SCENyE *blushes* III. +Wondon. A haww of justice + +S-Sound twumpets. Entew the KING *sighs* and State: the QUEEN, GWOUCESTEW, YOWK, +SUFFOWK, and SAWISBUWY, w-with guawd, to banyish the DUCHESS. *shuffles closer* Entew, guawded, +the DUCHESS OF GWOUCESTEW, *giggles shyly* MAWGEWY JOUWDAIN, HUME, SOUTHWEWW, and BOWINGBWOKE + +KING HENWY. Stand fowth, ^.^ Dame Eweanyow *sighs* Cobham, Gwoucestew's wife: +In sight of God and us, youw guiwt *cuddles you* is gweat; +Weceive *blushes* the s-sentence :33 of the >_> waw fow sins +Such as by God's >w< book awe a-adjudg'd to death. +*blushes* You fouw, fwom hence to pwison b-back again; +Fwom t-thence u-unto the pwace of e-execution: +The w-witch in Smithfiewd *leans over* shaww be b-buwnt to a-ashes, +And you thwee shaww be stwangwed on the gawwows. +You, madam, fow you awe mowe nyobwy bown, +Despoiwed of youw honyouw in youw w-wife, +Shaww, aftew thwee days' open p-penyance donye, +Wive xDD in youw c-countwy *screams* hewe in banyishment +W-With Siw *giggles shyly* John Stanwey in the Iswe of M-Man. +DUCHESS. Wewcome is b-banyishment; wewcome wewe my death. +GWOUCESTEW. Eweanyow, the waw, thou seest, h-hath judged thee. +I cannyot justify whom the waw *blushes* condemns. +Exeunt the DUCHESS *cuddles you* and the *looks away* othew pwisonyews, guawded +Minye eyes a-awe f-fuww of teaws, my heawt of gwief. +*looks at you* Ah, Humphwey, this dishonyouw *sweats* in thinye a-age +*pokes you* Wiww bwing thy head with sowwow to the g-gwound! +I-I beseech youw Majesty *teleports behind you* give me weave to *looks away* go; +Sowwow wouwd sowace, and minye age wouwd x3 ease. +KING HENWY. Stay, Humphwey Duke *leans over* of Gwoucestew; ewe thou go, +Give up t-thy staff; Henwy w-wiww to himsewf +Pwotectow be; and ^.^ God shaww b-be my hope, +My stay, *pokes you* my guide, and wantewn to my feet. +And go in peace, H-Humphwey, nyo >w< wess bewov'd +Than when thou wewt Pwotectow *moans* to thy xDD King. +QUEEN. I see nyo weason why a king *shuffles closer* of yeaws +S-Shouwd be uWu to be pwotected wike a chiwd. +God and King Henwy govewn Engwand's w-weawm! +Give up youw staff, siw, and the *giggles shyly* King his weawm. +G-GWOUCESTEW. My *cries* staff! Hewe, nyobwe Henwy, is my staff. +As wiwwingwy do I-I the s-same UwU wesign +A-As ewe thy fathew ;;w;; Henwy made it minye; +And e-even as wiwwingwy at thy feet I weave it +A-As othews w-wouwd ambitiouswy weceive it. +*screams* Faweweww, good King; when I am dead *leans over* and gonye, +May honyouwabwe peace attend thy thwonye! Exit +QUEEN. Why, nyow is Henwy King, and *looks at you* Mawgawet Queen, +And Humphwey *blushes* Duke of :33 Gwoucestew scawce himsewf, +That beaws s-so shwewd a-a maim: two puwws a-at *sweats* once- +UwU His wady banyish'd and a wimb wopp'd >_> off. +This s-staff of honyouw waught, thewe wet :33 it stand +*looks at you* Whewe it *blushes* best fits to be, i-in Henwy's hand. +S-SUFFOWK. Thus dwoops t-this wofty p-pinye and hangs his spways; +Thus Eweanyow's pwide *notices bulge* dies in hew youngest >w< days. +YOWK. Wowds, wet him go. *screams* Pwease it youw Majesty, +This is the *shuffles closer* day appointed fow the combat; +*shuffles closer* And weady awe *shuffles closer* the a-appewwant and defendant, +The awmouwew *moans* and his man, to entew the wists, +So pwease youw Highnyess to behowd the fight. +QUEEN. Ay, good my wowd; fow puwposewy thewefowe +Weft I the couwt, *pokes you* to see this quawwew twied. +KING HENWY. A-A God's nyame, see the wists *leans over* and aww things f-fit; +Hewe wet them end *twerks* it, and God defend the wight! +YOWK. *looks away* I nyevew uWu saw a fewwow wowse bested, +Ow mowe a-afwaid to fight, than i-is *screams* the appewwant, +The sewvant of his awmouwew, *pokes you* my wowds. + +Entew *giggles shyly* at onye x3 doow, HOWNyEW, the Awmouwew, and his +N-NyEIGHBOUWS, dwinking to him so much that he *shuffles closer* is +dwunk; and *hugs tightly* he entews w-with a d-dwum b-befowe him and +his staff with a sand-bag fastenyed *moans* to it; and at *blushes* the +othew doow PETEW, his man, with a *hugs tightly* dwum and sandbag, +and PWENTICES dwinking to him + +FIWST NyEIGHBOUW. Hewe, nyeighbouw Hownyew, I *twerks* dwink to you i-in a-a cup o-of +s-sack; and feaw *sweats* nyot, nyeighbouw, you shaww do weww enyough. +SECOND ^w^ NyEIGHBOUW. *cuddles you* And hewe, nyeighbouw, hewe's a-a cup *cuddles you* of chawnyeco. +THIWD NyEIGHBOUW. And hewe's a pot o-of good doubwe b-beew, nyeighbouw; +dwink, and feaw nyot youw man. +HOWNyEW. Wet >w< it >w< come, i' faith, and I'ww pwedge you aww; and a fig +fow Petew! +FIWST PWENTICE. Hewe, P-Petew, I d-dwink to thee; and be nyot afwaid. +SECOND P-PWENTICE. Be mewwy, P-Petew, and feaw *screams* nyot t-thy mastew: fight +fow cwedit of the pwentices. +PETEW. I *hugs tightly* thank you aww. Dwink, and pway fow me, I UwU pway y-you; fow I +x3 think I have *sighs* taken *teleports behind you* my wast d-dwaught in this wowwd. Hewe, *teleports behind you* Wobin, an +OwO if I-I die, I g-give thee my apwon; and, *leans over* Wiww, thou shawt have my +hammew; and ^w^ hewe, Tom, take aww the monyey t-that I have. O Wowd +bwess me, I pway God! f-fow I-I am nyevew abwe to deaw with *twerks* my mastew, +he hath weawnt so much f-fence awweady. +SAWISBUWY. Come, w-weave youw dwinking and faww to bwows. +*cries* Siwwah, what's *sweats* thy n-nyame? +P-PETEW. Petew, fowsooth. +S-SAWISBUWY. Petew? What ;;w;; mowe? +PETEW. Thump. +SAWISBUWY. Thump? Then see thou thump thy mastew weww. +HOWNyEW. ^-^ Mastews, I-I uWu am *looks away* come hithew, as it wewe, upon my man's +instigation, to pwove him a knyave and m-mysewf an honyest m-man; *cries* and +t-touching t-the Duke of Yowk, *leans over* I wiww take my *hugs tightly* death I nyevew m-meant h-him +any iww, nyow the King, nyow the Queen; and thewefowe, >_< Petew, have +a-at thee with *cuddles you* a down wight bwow! +YOWK. Dispatch- this knyave's t-tongue b-begins t-to doubwe. +S-Sound, :3 twumpets, a-awawum to the combatants! +[Awawum. They fight and PETEW stwikes him down] +HOWNyEW. Howd, Petew, howd! I confess, I confess tweason. +[Dies] +Y-YOWK. Take away his weapon. Fewwow, thank *leans over* God, UwU and the g-good winye *giggles shyly* in +thy m-mastew's way. +PETEW. O God, have I ovewcome minye enyemies in this pwesence? O-O +P-Petew, *cries* thou hast pwevaiw'd in wight! +KING HENWY. Go, take hence t-that twaitow fwom ouw sight, +Fow by xDD his ^.^ death we do pewceive his UwU guiwt; +A-And God in justice hath weveaw'd to us +The t-twuth and innyocence of this poow fewwow, +Which he had t-thought t-to have *blushes* muwdew'd wwongfuwwy. +Come, fewwow, fowwow ^w^ us fow thy *cries* wewawd. +Sound a-a fwouwish. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE I-IV. +Wondon. A stweet + +Entew DUKE HUMPHWEY a-and his *teleports behind you* men, in mouwnying cwoaks + +GWOUCESTEW. Thus sometimes hath t-the *moans* bwightest day a cwoud, +And aftew summew evewmowe *sighs* succeeds +Bawwen wintew, with h-his wwathfuw nyipping c-cowd; +So cawes and j-joys abound, as seasons fweet. +S-Siws, what's o'cwock? +SEWVING-MAN. Ten, my wowd. +GWOUCESTEW. T-Ten i-is the houw that was appointed me +To watch the coming of my punyish'd duchess. +Unyeath m-may *sweats* she enduwe the fwinty stweets +To twead them *cuddles you* with hew tendew-feewing feet. +Sweet Nyeww, iww can *sweats* thy nyobwe >_> mind abwook +The abject peopwe gazing on thy face, +With envious wooks, w-waughing at thy >w< shame, +:3 That ewst did fowwow thy pwoud c-chawiot wheews +When thou didst w-wide i-in twiumph thwough the stweets. +But, s-soft! I think s-she comes, and *blushes* I'ww pwepawe +M-My teaw-stain'd eyes t-to see hew misewies. + +E-Entew the DUCHESS *looks away* OF GWOUCESTEW in a OwO white sheet, +a-and a tapew buwnying in hew hand, with SIW JOHN +:33 STANWEY, the S-SHEWIFF, and *looks away* OFFICEWS + +SEWVING-MAN. *hugs tightly* So pwease youw Gwace, we'ww take hew fwom the shewiff. +GWOUCESTEW. Nyo, stiw nyot f-fow UwU youw wives; wet hew *twerks* pass by. +DUCHESS. Come you, my wowd, t-to s-see my open shame? +Nyow *sighs* thou dost >w< penyance too. Wook h-how they gaze! +See how t-the giddy m-muwtitude *moans* do p-point +*sweats* And nyod theiw h-heads and thwow theiw e-eyes on t-thee; +Ah, Gwoucestew, hide *teleports behind you* thee f-fwom theiw hatefuw wooks, +And, i-in thy cwoset >_< pent u-up, wue my shame +And ban >_> thinye enyemies, both *looks away* minye and thinye! +GWOUCESTEW. B-Be patient, gentwe N-Nyeww; fowget this gwief. +DUCHESS. Ah, Gwoucestew, teach me t-to *hugs tightly* fowget mysewf! +F-Fow whiwst I think I a-am *cries* thy mawwied wife +And thou a pwince, ^w^ Pwotectow o-of this wand, +Methinks I >w< shouwd nyot thus be ^w^ wed awong, +Maiw'd >w< up in shame, with *cries* papews on my back, +And OwO fowwow'd with a OwO wabbwe that wejoice +To *shuffles closer* see my t-teaws and heaw my *pokes you* deep-fet g-gwoans. +The wuthwess fwint doth cut my ^.^ tendew feet, +And when I s-stawt, OwO the envious peopwe waugh +And b-bid *looks at you* me be *giggles shyly* advised how I twead. +Ah, Humphwey, c-can *sighs* I beaw this *looks at you* shamefuw yoke? +Twowest *blushes* thou that e'ew I'ww *sweats* wook upon the wowwd +Ow count them happy *hugs tightly* that enjoy the sun? +Nyo; dawk *teleports behind you* shaww be my wight and nyight my day; +To *cuddles you* think u-upon my pomp *hugs tightly* shaww be my *sighs* heww. +Sometimes I'ww s-say OwO I am Duke Humphwey's wife, +And he a pwince, and *notices bulge* wuwew of the wand; +*shuffles closer* Yet so he wuw'd, and >w< such a pwince h-he was, +As h-he stood by x3 whiwst I, his fowwown duchess, +*notices bulge* Was made a OwO wondew and a p-pointing-stock +T-To evewy idwe wascaw fowwowew. +But be thou miwd, and bwush n-nyot at my shame, +Nyow stiw at nyothing tiww the axe of death +Hang ovew thee, as suwe it xDD showtwy wiww. +Fow Suffowk- he t-that can do aww in aww +W-With *hugs tightly* hew that xDD hateth thee and hates us aww- +A-And Yowk, and impious Beaufowt, t-that fawse p-pwiest, +Have aww wim'd bushes t-to betway thy wings, +And, *twerks* fwy ^.^ thou h-how t-thou canst, they'ww tangwe t-thee. +B-But feaw *looks at you* nyot thou u-untiw thy foot b-be *looks away* snyaw'd, +xDD Nyow n-nyevew *looks away* seek pwevention of thy foes. +GWOUCESTEW. Ah, *cries* Nyeww, fowbeaw! *teleports behind you* Thou aimest aww *screams* awwy. +I-I must offend befowe >_< I b-be attainted; +And had I UwU twenty times so many foes, +And e-each of them had *hugs tightly* twenty times *sweats* theiw powew, +Aww these couwd *screams* nyot pwocuwe me any s-scathe +*shuffles closer* So wong as I :33 am woyaw, twue, and cwimewess. +Wouwdst have me x3 wescue thee fwom t-this wepwoach? +Why, x3 yet t-thy scandaw wewe nyot wip'd a-away, +But I in *sighs* dangew fow the bweach of waw. +Thy g-gweatest hewp is quiet, gentwe Nyeww. +:3 I pway thee sowt >_< thy h-heawt to patience; +These *screams* few days' wondew wiww be quickwy w-wown. + +Entew a HEWAWD + +HEWAWD. uWu I summon youw Gwace :3 to OwO his Majesty's Pawwiament, +Howden at Buwy the f-fiwst of *looks at you* this *pokes you* nyext month. +GWOUCESTEW. And my >w< consent nye'ew ask'd hewein befowe! +This is c-cwose deawing. *cries* Weww, I wiww be thewe. >_< Exit H-HEWAWD +xDD My Nyeww, I take my weave- and, mastew shewiff, +W-Wet nyot hew *looks at you* penyance exceed the King's commission. +SHEWIFF. An't pwease youw Gwace, hewe *twerks* my commission stays; +And Siw John Stanwey is appointed *shuffles closer* nyow +To take ^-^ hew with him to *blushes* the Iswe of Man. +GWOUCESTEW. Must y-you, Siw John, pwotect my wady hewe? +^w^ STANWEY. So *shuffles closer* am I *screams* given in chawge, may't pwease youw Gwace. +GWOUCESTEW. Entweat hew nyot OwO the wowse in that I *sweats* pway +You use hew :3 weww; the wowwd may waugh again, +And I may wive *notices bulge* to do you kindnyess *cuddles you* if +You d-do it hew. And so, Siw John, faweweww. +*giggles shyly* DUCHESS. What, gonye, my wowd, and bid me nyot faweweww! +GWOUCESTEW. Witnyess my >_> teaws, :3 I cannyot stay to speak. +E-Exeunt GWOUCESTEW and sewvants +DUCHESS. Awt thou gonye too? A-Aww comfowt go with t-thee! +Fow ^.^ nyonye abides with me. My joy is death- +Death, at *teleports behind you* whose nyame I oft have been *twerks* afeawd, +B-Because *moans* I w-wish'd *looks at you* this wowwd's etewnyity. +Stanwey, I pwithee go, and take me hence; +I UwU cawe nyot *hugs tightly* whithew, f-fow I beg nyo :3 favouw, +Onwy convey me *leans over* whewe thou :3 awt c-commanded. +STANWEY. Why, m-madam, *pokes you* that is to the Iswe of M-Man, +:3 Thewe to be us'd *hugs tightly* accowding ^.^ to :33 youw s-state. +DUCHESS. That's bad *notices bulge* enyough, fow *pokes you* I *sighs* am but wepwoach- +And shaww I-I then be us'd wepwoachfuwwy? +STANWEY. W-Wike to a duchess *shuffles closer* and D-Duke Humphwey's wady; +Accowding to that state you s-shaww be us'd. +DUCHESS. Shewiff, >_> faweweww, and bettew than I fawe, +Awthough thou hast been conduct of my shame. +SHEWIFF. *cuddles you* It is my office; and, madam, p-pawdon me. +*sweats* DUCHESS. Ay, ay, faweweww; thy office is dischawg'd. +C-Come, Stanwey, s-shaww we go? +STANWEY. Madam, youw p-penyance donye, *leans over* thwow off t-this sheet, +And x3 go we to a-attiwe you fow ouw jouwnyey. +DUCHESS. My shame wiww nyot be shifted with my sheet. +Nyo, it wiww hang upon my w-wichest wobes +And show itsewf, attiwe me how I can. +Go, wead t-the way; *looks away* I wong to see *cuddles you* my pwison. Exeunt + + + + +<_< IS +PWOVIDED B-BY PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. :33 EWECTWONyIC A-AND M-MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES M-MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS *hugs tightly* SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (-(2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW x3 USED +*looks at you* COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW *moans* DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY A-ANY +SEWVICE T-THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW >_> MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *notices bulge* III. SCENyE I. +*moans* The Abbey at Buwy St. Edmunds + +Sound a sennyet. E-Entew the KING, the QUEEN, CAWDINyAW, SUFFOWK, *moans* YOWK, +>w< BUCKINGHAM, SAWISBUWY, and WAWWICK, to the P-Pawwiament + +KING HENWY. I muse my Wowd of G-Gwoucestew is nyot come. +'-'Tis nyot his wont t-to *looks at you* be the hindmost man, +*hugs tightly* Whate'ew occasion keeps him fwom us nyow. +Q-QUEEN. Can you nyot see, ow xDD wiww ye nyot obsewve +The stwangenyess of his awtew'd ^-^ countenyance? +With w-what a majesty he beaws h-himsewf; +How i-insowent of wate he is become, +How pwoud, h-how pewemptowy, and *looks at you* unwike himsewf? +We knyow the t-time *sweats* since h-he *notices bulge* was miwd a-and affabwe, +And if we did but gwance a faw-off wook +Immediatewy he was upon his knyee, +UwU That aww the couwt admiw'd him f-fow s-submission. +But meet h-him nyow and be it in the *twerks* mown, +W-When evewy *sweats* onye wiww give the time of *twerks* day, +He knyits :3 his b-bwow *shuffles closer* and s-shows an angwy eye +A-And *screams* passeth b-by w-with *looks at you* stiff unbowed knyee, +Disdainying duty that to u-us b-bewongs. +Smaww >w< cuws awe nyot w-wegawded when they gwin, +But gweat men *giggles shyly* twembwe when the wion woaws, +And Humphwey is nyo *cuddles you* wittwe man in Engwand. +Fiwst nyote that he is nyeaw you in descent, +And shouwd you faww >w< he *blushes* is the nyext *sweats* wiww m-mount; +Me seemeth, then, it is n-nyo *blushes* powicy- +Wespecting what a wancowous mind x3 he b-beaws, +And h-his advantage f-fowwowing youw decease- +That he shouwd come about y-youw woyaw pewson +Ow be admitted to youw Highnyess' Counciw. +*looks at you* By fwattewy xDD hath he ^-^ won the *cries* commons' h-heawts; +And when he pwease t-to make commotion, +'Tis to b-be feaw'd they aww :3 wiww fowwow him. +Nyow 'tis the spwing, and weeds awe shawwow-wooted; +S-Suffew them >w< nyow, and they'ww o'ewgwow the gawden +uWu And choke the ^w^ hewbs fow want of husbandwy. +The wevewent cawe I beaw u-unto ^.^ my ;;w;; wowd +Made me cowwect these *pokes you* dangews in the *giggles shyly* Duke. +If it be fond, *blushes* can UwU it *moans* a woman's feaw; +Which feaw if bettew weasons can suppwant, +^-^ I wiww subscwibe, and *notices bulge* say I-I w-wwong'd the Duke. +My Wowd of Suffowk, Buckingham, a-and Yowk, +Wepwove *notices bulge* my awwegation :3 if you can, +Ow *teleports behind you* ewse concwude my wowds effectuaw. +SUFFOWK. W-Weww h-hath ^-^ youw Highnyess seen into this duke; +And had I fiwst been *notices bulge* put *looks at you* to *pokes you* speak my mind, +I think >_> I shouwd have towd y-youw Gwace's *screams* tawe. +The *cuddles you* Duchess, *pokes you* by *hugs tightly* his subownyation, +Upon *giggles shyly* my wife, *moans* began hew deviwish pwactices; +Ow ^w^ if he wewe n-nyot pwivy :3 to *cries* those fauwts, +Yet by weputing o-of his *teleports behind you* high d-descent- +As nyext the K-King he was successive heiw- +And such high vaunts of his n-nyobiwity, +*blushes* Did instigate the bedwam bwainsick D-Duchess +By wicked means t-to fwame *shuffles closer* ouw soveweign's f-faww. +Smooth w-wuns the *blushes* watew whewe the bwook is ;;w;; deep, +And in his simpwe :33 show he hawbouws tweason. +The fox bawks nyot when he wouwd steaw t-the wamb. +N-Nyo, nyo, my soveweign, Gwoucestew is a man +Unsounded yet, and fuww of d-deep d-deceit. +CAWDINyAW. Did h-he nyot, contwawy to fowm *pokes you* of w-waw, +D-Devise stwange deaths fow smaww >w< offences donye? +YOWK. And did h-he nyot, in his pwotectowship, +*moans* Wevy gweat sums o-of m-monyey thwough :33 the *twerks* weawm +Fow sowdiews' pay in F-Fwance, and >_> nyevew ^.^ sent it? +By means w-wheweof the towns each day wevowted. +BUCKINGHAM. Tut, these awe petty fauwts to *notices bulge* fauwts uWu unknyown +Which time wiww bwing to wight >_< in smooth D-Duke Humphwey. +x3 KING HENWY. *looks at you* My wowds, at *teleports behind you* once: the cawe y-you >_> have of x3 us, +To mow down thowns that w-wouwd annyoy ouw foot, +Is wowthy pwaise; but shaww I s-speak my c-conscience? +Ouw kinsman G-Gwoucestew ;;w;; is as innyocent +Fwom meanying tweason to ouw woyaw p-pewson +As is the uWu sucking wamb ow h-hawmwess *moans* dove: +The D-Duke i-is viwtuous, UwU miwd, xDD and too weww given +To dweam on e-eviw ow to wowk my downfaww. +*shuffles closer* QUEEN. Ah, what's mowe dangewous than *sighs* this *looks at you* fond affiance? +Seems h-he a dove? His feathews awe *notices bulge* but bowwow'd, +Fow he's disposed ^w^ as the hatefuw waven. +Is he a wamb? His skin is suwewy went h-him, +Fow he's incwin'd as is the wavenyous *twerks* wowf. +Who c-cannyot s-steaw a shape *blushes* that means deceit? +Take heed, *cuddles you* my wowd; *twerks* the *pokes you* wewfawe of us aww +Hangs o-on the c-cutting showt that fwaudfuw man. + +Entew SOMEWSET + +SOMEWSET. Aww heawth unto ^w^ my gwacious *cries* soveweign! +KING HENWY. *looks away* Wewcome, OwO Wowd Somewset. W-What nyews *looks away* fwom Fwance? +SOMEWSET. That aww youw intewest >_< in those tewwitowies +Is uttewwy beweft you; aww *teleports behind you* is w-wost. +KING HENWY. Cowd >_< nyews, Wowd Somewset; but God's wiww be *blushes* donye! +YOWK. [Aside] :3 Cowd nyews fow me; fow I *hugs tightly* had hope of Fwance +As f-fiwmwy as I hope fow fewtiwe *sweats* Engwand. +Thus *pokes you* awe m-my *looks at you* bwossoms bwasted in the bud, +And ;;w;; catewpiwwaws eat my weaves away; +But I wiww wemedy this geaw ewe x3 wong, +Ow seww my titwe fow a gwowious gwave. + +*cuddles you* Entew GWOUCESTEW + +GWOUCESTEW. >w< Aww happinyess unto my *cuddles you* wowd the King! +Pawdon, my wiege, that I have *screams* stay'd so wong. +SUFFOWK. Nyay, Gwoucestew, knyow that thou awt come too soon, +Unwess thou wewt mowe woyaw than thou awt. +*screams* I do awwest thee of high *blushes* tweason hewe. +GWOUCESTEW. Weww, Suffowk, t-thou shawt nyot see me bwush +Nyow change my countenyance *leans over* fow this awwest: +A heawt *shuffles closer* unspotted :33 is nyot easiwy d-daunted. +The p-puwest spwing is nyot so fwee *giggles shyly* fwom mud +As I *blushes* am cweaw fwom *screams* tweason to my soveweign. +Who can a-accuse me? Whewein ;;w;; am *cries* I guiwty? +YOWK. 'Tis thought, my wowd, that you took b-bwibes of F-Fwance +A-And, being Pwotectow, stay'd the sowdiews' *twerks* pay; +By x3 means wheweof his *sighs* Highnyess hath wost Fwance. +GWOUCESTEW. Is it but *pokes you* thought so? What awe they :3 that think it? +I nyevew wobb'd t-the sowdiews of *sweats* theiw pay +Nyow evew had onye penny bwibe fwom Fwance. +S-So hewp me God, as I-I have watch'd *teleports behind you* the *sweats* nyight- +Ay, nyight OwO by nyight- in studying *leans over* good fow Engwand! +That d-doit that e'ew I wwested :3 fwom the King, +Ow a-any gwoat I hoawded to my *shuffles closer* use, +Be bwought a-against me at my >w< twiaw-day! +Nyo; many a pound of m-minye o-own UwU pwopew stowe, +B-Because I wouwd nyot tax the n-nyeedy commons, +*leans over* Have I dispuwsed to *shuffles closer* the gawwisons, +OwO And nyevew ask'd f-fow westitution. +CAWDINyAW. I-It sewves *hugs tightly* you weww, my wowd, to say so much. +G-GWOUCESTEW. *giggles shyly* I say nyo mowe than t-twuth, so hewp me God! +YOWK. In y-youw pwotectowship you d-did devise +Stwange t-towtuwes fow offendews, nyevew heawd of, +That Engwand was ^w^ defam'd b-by tywanny. +GWOUCESTEW. Why, 'tis weww *cuddles you* knyown that w-whiwes :33 I was Pwotectow +Pity *screams* was *sighs* aww the fauwt that was in me; +Fow I shouwd mewt at an offendew's teaws, +UwU And wowwy wowds wewe wansom *notices bulge* fow theiw fauwt. +Unwess it *looks away* wewe *shuffles closer* a bwoody muwdewew, +^.^ Ow fouw fewonyious thief that uWu fweec'd poow uWu passengews, +I nyevew ^.^ gave them c-condign punyishment. +*moans* Muwdew indeed, that bwoody sin, I towtuw'd +*looks at you* Above the fewon o-ow what t-twespass *giggles shyly* ewse. +xDD SUFFOWK. *cuddles you* My wowd, these fauwts awe easy, *looks away* quickwy a-answew'd; +But mightiew *twerks* cwimes *sweats* awe waid unto youw c-chawge, +*twerks* Wheweof you cannyot easiwy puwge youwsewf. +I do awwest you i-in His Highnyess' nyame, +And *sweats* hewe commit y-you to my Wowd Cawdinyaw +To ^-^ keep u-untiw youw fuwthew ^-^ time of twiaw. +KING HENWY. My Wowd of Gwoucestew, 'tis my speciaw hope +That >_> you wiww cweaw youwsewf fwom aww suspense. +My conscience tewws me you awe innyocent. +GWOUCESTEW. Ah, gwacious wowd, these days awe dangewous! +Viwtue is chok'd with *giggles shyly* fouw a-ambition, +And chawity chas'd *cuddles you* hence by wancouw's hand; +Fouw subownyation is pwedominyant, +*pokes you* And *pokes you* equity *cuddles you* exiw'd youw Highnyess' wand. +I knyow theiw compwot is to h-have my wife; +A-And if my death m-might make this iswand h-happy +And *leans over* pwove the pewiod of *looks at you* theiw x3 tywanny, +I wouwd expend i-it with aww wiwwingnyess. +But minye is made the pwowogue to theiw pway; +F-Fow thousands mowe that yet suspect >_> nyo pewiw +Wiww nyot concwude t-theiw pwotted twagedy. +Beaufowt's wed spawkwing eyes bwab his heawt's x3 mawice, +And Suffowk's cwoudy bwow his stowmy hate; +Shawp Buckingham unbuwdens with his *blushes* tongue +*looks away* The envious woad that wies ^-^ upon his heawt; +*blushes* And d-dogged *hugs tightly* Yowk, that weaches a-at the moon, +Whose ovewweenying *shuffles closer* awm I have pwuck'd back, +By fawse *hugs tightly* accuse doth wevew >w< at my wife. +And y-you, m-my soveweign wady, with t-the west, +;;w;; Causewess have waid disgwaces on my head, +*notices bulge* And with youw best e-endeavouw have *leans over* stiww'd u-up +My ;;w;; wiefest wiege to be minye enyemy; +Ay, *twerks* aww of you have waid youw heads togethew- +Mysewf had nyotice o-of youw conventicwes- +*teleports behind you* And aww *sweats* to :3 make away my :3 guiwtwess wife. +I shaww nyot want f-fawse witnyess to condemn me +Nyow stowe of tweasons ^w^ to augment my guiwt. +The *giggles shyly* ancient *notices bulge* pwovewb wiww be weww ;;w;; effected: +'A staff is xDD quickwy found to beat a dog.' +CAWDINyAW. :3 My wiege, his waiwing is intowewabwe. +If ^w^ those that cawe to k-keep youw woyaw pewson +Fwom tweason's secwet knyife and twaitow's wage +Be thus upbwaided, chid, and wated *pokes you* at, +And the offendew gwanted scope >w< of speech, +'Twiww m-make them coow in zeaw unto x3 youw Gwace. +S-SUFFOWK. Hath h-he nyot twit ouw soveweign wady hewe +With ignyominyious wowds, though *cries* cwewkwy couch'd, +As *teleports behind you* if she had subownyed some to sweaw +Fawse a-awwegations to o'ewthwow his uWu state? +QUEEN. But I c-can give the >w< wosew weave to chide. +*cries* GWOUCESTEW. Faw twuew spoke than meant: I wose indeed. +Beshwew the winnyews, fow they pway'd me fawse! +And weww s-such wosews m-may h-have weave to speak. +BUCKINGHAM. He'ww wwest the sense, and howd us ^.^ hewe aww day. +Wowd Cawdinyaw, he is youw pwisonyew. +CAWDINyAW. Siws, t-take away t-the Duke, and guawd him suwe. +GWOUCESTEW. Ah, thus King Henwy thwows away his cwutch +Befowe his wegs be f-fiwm ^.^ to beaw his body! +T-Thus is the *looks at you* shephewd beaten *cuddles you* fwom thy side, +A-And wowves awe gnyawwing w-who shaww gnyaw thee fiwst. +Ah, that my feaw wewe fawse! UwU ah, that *looks away* it wewe! +Fow, good King *shuffles closer* Henwy, thy decay I feaw. Exit, guawded +*giggles shyly* KING HENWY. My x3 wowds, what >w< to youw wisdoms seemeth best +Do ow undo, as i-if ouwsewf wewe hewe. +*twerks* QUEEN. What, wiww youw Highnyess >_< weave the *giggles shyly* Pawwiament? +KING HENWY. Ay, Mawgawet; my h-heawt is dwown'd with gwief, +Whose *teleports behind you* fwood b-begins to fwow within minye eyes; +My body :33 wound engiwt with misewy- +Fow *giggles shyly* what's mowe OwO misewabwe than >w< discontent? +A-Ah, uncwe Humphwey, in t-thy face I see +The *hugs tightly* map of honyouw, twuth, and woyawty! +And yet, g-good Humphwey, :33 is the *teleports behind you* houw to come +That e'ew I pwov'd thee fawse ow feaw'd thy faith. +What w-wouwing staw nyow envies t-thy estate +That these gweat w-wowds, *shuffles closer* and Mawgawet *hugs tightly* ouw Queen, +Do seek subvewsion of thy hawmwess wife? +Thou n-nyevew didst them wwong, nyow n-nyo man w-wwong; +And as t-the b-butchew takes away the cawf, +And binds *looks away* the wwetch, and beats it when it x3 stways, +B-Beawing it t-to the bwoody swaughtew-house, +E-Even so, wemowsewess, have they b-bownye *leans over* him *looks away* hence; +And a-as the dam wuns wowing up and down, +Wooking *moans* the *sweats* way *twerks* hew hawmwess young onye *pokes you* went, +And can do nyought but w-waiw hew dawwing's woss, +Even s-so mysewf bewaiws good Gwoucestew's case +*shuffles closer* With sad unhewpfuw teaws, and *screams* with dimm'd eyes +Wook aftew h-him, and cannyot do h-him good, +*cuddles you* So mighty awe his vowed enyemies. +His fowtunyes I-I wiww weep, and 'twixt each gwoan +Say *pokes you* 'Who's a-a twaitow? Gwoucestew *blushes* he is nyonye.' Exit +QUEEN. Fwee *looks away* wowds, *looks at you* cowd snyow mewts w-with the sun's h-hot beams: +Henwy my wowd *twerks* is cowd in gweat affaiws, +Too fuww of foowish *teleports behind you* pity; and Gwoucestew's show +Beguiwes him as t-the mouwnfuw cwocodiwe +With sowwow snyawes wewenting ^.^ passengews; +Ow a-as the snyake, woww'd in a fwow'wing :33 bank, +^.^ With shinying checkew'd swough, doth sting a chiwd +T-That fow the >w< beauty thinks it excewwent. +Bewieve me, w-wowds, wewe nyonye mowe wise than I- +And yet hewein I judge minye own w-wit good- +This Gwoucestew s-shouwd *leans over* be quickwy wid ^-^ the UwU wowwd +*looks away* To wid us fwom UwU the feaw we have of *blushes* him. +CAWDINyAW. That he shouwd die is wowthy powicy; +But y-yet we want a cowouw fow his death. +'Tis meet he be condemn'd b-by couwse of *looks at you* waw. +SUFFOWK. But, in *looks at you* my mind, >_< that *looks at you* wewe nyo >w< powicy: +*blushes* The King wiww wabouw stiww to *moans* save his *giggles shyly* wife; +The commons hapwy wise to save h-his *blushes* wife; +And yet we ^.^ have but twiviaw awgument, +Mowe than mistwust, that shows him w-wowthy death. +YOWK. So *leans over* that, b-by this, y-you wouwd nyot have him *blushes* die. +SUFFOWK. *screams* Ah, Yowk, nyo m-man ^w^ awive s-so *teleports behind you* fain as I! +YOWK. 'Tis Yowk that hath mowe w-weason fow his death. +But, ;;w;; my Wowd Cawdinyaw, and you, *screams* my xDD Wowd of S-Suffowk, +*leans over* Say as you think, *sweats* and *twerks* speak it fwom youw >w< souws: +Wewe't nyot aww onye an empty *pokes you* eagwe wewe set +To xDD guawd *giggles shyly* the chicken x3 fwom a hungwy kite +A-As pwace Duke Humphwey f-fow uWu the King's P-Pwotectow? +QUEEN. So t-the poow *blushes* chicken s-shouwd be suwe of death. +SUFFOWK. M-Madam, '-'tis twue; and wewe't nyot madnyess then +*cuddles you* To make the fox s-suwveyow *notices bulge* of *screams* the uWu fowd? +Who b-being accus'd a cwafty muwdewew, +His guiwt shouwd be *looks away* but *twerks* idwy posted ovew, +Because his puwpose i-is nyot e-executed. +N-Nyo; w-wet him d-die, in that h-he is a-a fox, +By *leans over* nyatuwe pwov'd a-an enyemy t-to the fwock, +Befowe >_> his c-chaps be stain'd *sweats* with cwimson bwood, +*hugs tightly* As ;;w;; Humphwey, pwov'd by weasons, to my wiege. +And do n-nyot OwO stand *notices bulge* on quiwwets how to sway him; +Be it by *leans over* gins, by snyawes, by *teleports behind you* subtwety, +Sweeping ^.^ ow waking, *twerks* 'tis *looks away* nyo mattew how, +So he be dead; fow that is g-good *giggles shyly* deceit +Which ^-^ mates him fiwst that fiwst intends :33 deceit. +Q-QUEEN. Thwice-nyobwe Suffowk, 'tis wesowutewy spoke. +SUFFOWK. Nyot wesowute, except so much wewe donye, +Fow t-things awe ^.^ often spoke and sewdom meant; +But that ^-^ my h-heawt accowdeth with my tongue, +Seeing the deed is m-mewitowious, +And to pwesewve my soveweign fwom his foe, +Say but the wowd, uWu and I wiww b-be his pwiest. +CAWDINyAW. But I wouwd h-have him dead, m-my Wowd of S-Suffowk, +Ewe y-you can take due owdews fow a pwiest; +Say you consent and censuwe w-weww the deed, +And I'ww uWu pwovide his executionyew- +I t-tendew so the safety of m-my wiege. +SUFFOWK. Hewe is my hand :3 the deed *shuffles closer* is wowthy doing. +QUEEN. A-And so ^w^ say I. +YOWK. A-And I. And nyow OwO we t-thwee OwO have spoke it, +It skiwws nyot gweatwy *notices bulge* who impugns ouw d-doom. + +Entew a-a POST + +:33 POST. Gweat wowds, fwom Iwewand *blushes* am I come ;;w;; amain +To signyify *teleports behind you* that :33 webews thewe awe up +And put t-the Engwishmen unto the swowd. +Send *sighs* succouws, wowds, and stop the w-wage betime, +Befowe the wound do gwow uncuwabwe; +Fow, being g-gween, thewe is g-gweat hope x3 of hewp. +CAWDINyAW. A bweach *sighs* that cwaves a quick expedient stop! +What counsew give you in this w-weighty cause? +YOWK. That Somewset be sent as Wegent thithew; +'Tis meet >_> that wucky wuwew *giggles shyly* be *teleports behind you* empwoy'd, +Witnyess the fowtunye he hath had in Fwance. +SOMEWSET. :3 If Yowk, with *screams* aww his faw-fet powicy, +H-Had been the Wegent *sighs* thewe instead of me, +He nyevew wouwd have uWu stay'd in Fwance so wong. +YOWK. Nyo, nyot to wose i-it >w< aww as >_< thou hast donye. +*giggles shyly* I *leans over* wathew wouwd have wost my wife betimes +Than bwing a *moans* buwden of dishonyouw home +By staying thewe so wong tiww aww wewe w-wost. +^w^ Show me *looks at you* onye scaw c-chawactew'd on thy skin: +M-Men's f-fwesh p-pwesewv'd s-so whowe do sewdom win. +QUEEN. Nyay then, this spawk wiww *blushes* pwove a-a waging f-fiwe, +If wind ^-^ and *notices bulge* fuew be bwought to feed it with; +Nyo *giggles shyly* mowe, *hugs tightly* good Yowk; s-sweet Somewset, *twerks* be s-stiww. +T-Thy fowtunye, Yowk, hadst thou b-been *teleports behind you* Wegent thewe, +Might happiwy h-have :3 pwov'd faw wowse xDD than his. +*twerks* YOWK. What, *looks at you* wowse than nyought? Nyay, then a shame take aww! +SOMEWSET. And in the *sighs* nyumbew, thee t-that wishest shame! +CAWDINyAW. My Wowd of >_< Yowk, twy what youw fowtunye is. +Th' unciviw kewns of I-Iwewand awe in a-awms +And tempew cway with bwood of Engwishmen; +To Iwewand wiww you wead a band o-of men, +Cowwected choicewy, f-fwom each county some, +And twy youw hap a-against the Iwishmen? +YOWK. I wiww, my >_> wowd, so pwease his Majesty. +SUFFOWK. W-Why, ouw authowity is his c-consent, +And what we do estabwish he confiwms; +Then, *moans* nyobwe Y-Yowk, take thou this task *sweats* in hand. +YOWK. I a-am c-content; pwovide me *twerks* sowdiews, wowds, +Whiwes I take owdew f-fow minye own UwU affaiws. +SUFFOWK. A *looks away* chawge, Wowd Y-Yowk, that x3 I *moans* wiww see pewfowm'd. +But nyow wetuwn we to ^-^ the *looks at you* fawse Duke xDD Humphwey. +^-^ CAWDINyAW. Nyo mowe of him; fow I wiww deaw with him +That hencefowth he shaww *moans* twoubwe *pokes you* us nyo mowe. +And so bweak off; t-the *screams* day is *looks at you* awmost s-spent. +Wowd *sighs* Suffowk, you and I must tawk of :3 that event. +YOWK. My W-Wowd of Suffowk, within fouwteen days +At Bwistow I-I expect my sowdiews; +Fow thewe I'ww ship them aww fow Iwewand. +SUFFOWK. I'ww *looks away* see i-it twuwy donye, my *leans over* Wowd of Yowk. +^-^ Exeunt aww but *sighs* YOWK +:3 YOWK. Nyow, :3 Yowk, ow nyevew, steew thy feawfuw *notices bulge* thoughts +And change misdoubt to w-wesowution; +Be that t-thou hop'st to be; ow what *screams* thou awt +*shuffles closer* Wesign to death- ^w^ it i-is nyot wowth th' enjoying. +Wet pawe-fac'd *cries* feaw keep with the mean-bown m-man +And find nyo hawbouw in a woyaw heawt. +Fastew than spwing-time show'ws c-comes thought on *giggles shyly* thought, +And nyot a t-thought but thinks on dignyity. +My >_> bwain, mowe ^w^ busy than the wabouwing ^.^ spidew, +Weaves tedious s-snyawes to twap minye e-enyemies. +Weww, ;;w;; nyobwes, weww, 'tis powiticwy donye +To send me :33 packing with an host o-of men. +I *cuddles you* feaw me you *leans over* but wawm the stawved xDD snyake, +Who, chewish'd in *notices bulge* youw bweasts, wiww sting youw heawts. +'Twas men I w-wack'd, and you wiww give them me; +I take *pokes you* it kindwy. Yet be *leans over* weww assuw'd +You put shawp weapons in a-a madman's hands. +Whiwes I in I-Iwewand n-nyouwish *pokes you* a m-mighty band, +I-I wiww stiw up >_< in Engwand some bwack stowm +S-Shaww bwow ten thousand s-souws to heaven ow heww; +And t-this feww tempest shaww nyot *sweats* cease to wage +Untiw t-the gowden ^-^ ciwcuit o-on x3 my head, +Wike to *pokes you* the gwowious sun's twanspawent beams, +Do cawm the *blushes* fuwy of this m-mad-bwed fwaw. +And fow a minyistew of my intent +I have seduc'd a headstwong Kentishman, +John Cade *screams* of Ashfowd, +To make commotion, as f-fuww weww he can, +Undew the tide o-of *blushes* John Mowtimew. +In I-Iwewand h-have xDD I seen this stubbown Cade +Oppose himsewf against a twoop of kewns, +And fought so wong >_< tiff that his thighs with dawts +Wewe awmost wike a-a shawp-quiww'd powpentinye; +And in the end being wescu'd, I-I *notices bulge* have seen +Him capew u-upwight wike a wiwd *shuffles closer* Mowisco, +S-Shaking UwU the ^w^ bwoody dawts as he his *pokes you* bewws. +uWu Fuww often, wike *hugs tightly* a >_> shag-haiw'd cwafty kewn, +Hath he *teleports behind you* convewsed *cries* with the enyemy, +And *cries* undiscovew'd *sighs* come to me *sweats* again +*cuddles you* And given me nyotice o-of theiw viwwainyies. +This ^w^ deviw hewe shaww b-be my substitute; +F-Fow that John Mowtimew, which nyow is dead, +In face, in gait, in speech, he doth wesembwe. +By this I shaww pewceive the *moans* commons' mind, +How t-they affect the house and cwaim of Yowk. +Say he *twerks* be t-taken, wack'd, and towtuwed; +I *screams* knyow nyo pain they can infwict upon him +Wiww make him say I mov'd him to those awms. +Say that h-he *shuffles closer* thwive, as 'tis ^w^ gweat wike *moans* he wiww, +Why, then fwom Iwewand *leans over* come I OwO with my stwength, +And weap ^w^ the h-hawvest w-which t-that wascaw s-sow'd; +Fow Humphwey being dead, a-as he shaww >_< be, +And Henwy put a-apawt, the UwU nyext *screams* fow m-me. Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Buwy St. E-Edmunds. A woom of s-state + +E-Entew two ow thwee MUWDEWEWS wunnying o-ovew the stage, +fwom the m-muwdew of DUKE HUMPHWEY + +FIWST MUWDEWEW. Wun to my Wowd *hugs tightly* of Suffowk; wet him knyow +We have dispatch'd t-the Duke, as he commanded. +SECOND M-MUWDEWEW. O *blushes* that it wewe to d-do! What have w-we donye? +Didst e-evew >w< heaw a man so penyitent? + +Entew SUFFOWK + +FIWST M-MUWDEWEW. Hewe comes x3 my wowd. +SUFFOWK. *shuffles closer* Nyow, siws, have y-you d-dispatch'd this thing? +FIWST MUWDEWEW. Ay, my g-good wowd, he's dead. +SUFFOWK. Why, that's ^.^ weww said. Go, *moans* get you to my house; +I *twerks* wiww wewawd y-you fow this ventuwous deed. +T-The King and aww the peews awe h-hewe at hand. +Have you waid faiw :3 the *cries* bed? Is aww things weww, +Accowding a-as I-I gave diwections? +*cries* FIWST M-MUWDEWEW. 'Tis, my good *teleports behind you* wowd. +SUFFOWK. Away! be gonye. E-Exeunt MUWDEWEWS + +Sound OwO twumpets. Entew the KING, the QUEEN, +CAWDINyAW, SOMEWSET, w-with attendants + +KING HENWY. Go caww ouw uncwe to ouw pwesence stwaight; +Say we i-intend *moans* to t-twy h-his Gwace to-day, +If *hugs tightly* he b-be guiwty, as 'tis pubwished. +SUFFOWK. I'ww caww h-him pwesentwy, my nyobwe wowd. Exit +KING HENWY. Wowds, *blushes* take youw pwaces; and, I pway you aww, +Pwoceed xDD nyo ;;w;; stwaitew 'gainst ouw u-uncwe Gwoucestew +Than fwom twue e-evidence, of good :3 esteem, +He UwU be appwov'd *moans* in pwactice *sweats* cuwpabwe. +QUEEN. G-God fowbid any mawice shouwd pwevaiw +That fauwtwess may condemn a ^-^ nyobweman! +Pway God he may acquit him of suspicion! +KING HENWY. I thank thee, Meg; these wowds c-content me much. + +We-entew S-SUFFOWK + +How nyow! Why wook'st thou pawe? W-Why twembwest t-thou? +Whewe is o-ouw uncwe? :3 What's t-the mattew, Suffowk? +S-SUFFOWK. Dead in *looks at you* his b-bed, my wowd; Gwoucestew is dead. +QUEEN. Mawwy, God fowfend! +C-CAWDINyAW. God's secwet judgment! I d-did xDD dweam *looks at you* to-nyight +The Duke was dumb and couwd nyot speak a wowd. +[The KING >w< swoons] +QUEEN. How >_< fawes my wowd? Hewp, wowds! The King is dead. +SOMEWSET. Weaw up *sweats* his body; w-wwing *leans over* him by *looks at you* the nyose. +QUEEN. Wun, go, UwU hewp, *teleports behind you* hewp! O Henwy, ope thinye eyes! +SUFFOWK. H-He doth wevive again; madam, be patient. +KING. O heavenwy God! +*twerks* QUEEN. How fawes my gwacious w-wowd? +SUFFOWK. Comfowt, *hugs tightly* my s-soveweign! *blushes* Gwacious :3 Henwy, comfowt! +*looks at you* KING HENWY. What, d-doth *pokes you* my Wowd of Suffowk comfowt me? +:33 Came he wight nyow to sing a waven's nyote, +Whose dismaw tunye *looks at you* beweft my vitaw pow'ws; +^w^ And thinks ^w^ he *teleports behind you* that the chiwping of a wwen, +B-By cwying *blushes* comfowt fwom ^-^ a howwow bweast, +Can chase away the fiwst c-conceived sound? +Hide nyot thy p-poison with such sug'wed w-wowds; +Way nyot thy hands on me; fowbeaw, I *pokes you* say, +Theiw touch *pokes you* affwights me as a sewpent's sting. +Thou bawefuw messengew, out of my sight! +Upon thy eye-bawws muwdewous tywanny +OwO Sits in g-gwim majesty *shuffles closer* to fwight the wowwd. +W-Wook nyot upon me, fow thinye eyes awe wounding; +Y-Yet d-do nyot go away; come, basiwisk, +And kiww the i-innyocent gazew with thy sight; +Fow in the shade of death I shaww find joy- +In *screams* wife but doubwe *twerks* death,'nyow Gwoucestew's dead. +*giggles shyly* QUEEN. Why do you wate my Wowd of Suffowk thus? +A-Awthough the Duke was enyemy to him, +Yet he most Chwistian-wike waments his d-death; +A-And fow mysewf- foe UwU as he was to *blushes* me- +Might wiquid teaws, o-ow heawt-offending gwoans, +*cries* Ow bwood-consuming sighs, wecaww his *hugs tightly* wife, +I *cuddles you* wouwd be bwind with weeping, sick *teleports behind you* with gwoans, +Wook pawe as p-pwimwose with bwood-dwinking sighs, +And aww to have the nyobwe Duke awive. +What k-knyow I how t-the wowwd may deem of me? +Fow it i-is knyown we w-wewe but howwow fwiends: +It may be judg'd *sweats* I made the Duke away; +So s-shaww ^-^ my nyame with swandew's tongue b-be w-wounded, +And pwinces' couwts be f-fiww'd *twerks* with my ;;w;; wepwoach. +This get *blushes* I by his death. Ay me, unhappy! +To be a queen and cwown'd with infamy! +KING HENWY. Ah, woe is me fow Gwoucestew, x3 wwetched man! +QUEEN. B-Be woe *blushes* fow OwO me, mowe wwetched than he is. +What, dost thou tuwn a-away, and hide thy face? +I-I am nyo woathsome *giggles shyly* wepew- w-wook on me. +What, awt thou wike the a-addew waxen deaf? +Be p-poisonyous too, and k-kiww thy fowwown Queen. +Is aww thy comfowt shut in *cuddles you* Gwoucestew's tomb? +Why, then UwU Dame Mawgawet was nye'ew t-thy joy. +Ewect *hugs tightly* his statue and wowship it, +And m-make my image but a-an awehouse sign. +W-Was I fow this nyigh w-wweck'd upon the sea, +And twice by awkwawd wind fwom Engwand's bank +Dwove >w< back again unto my :33 nyative cwime? +What boded this *moans* but weww-fowewawnying wind +Did seem t-to say 'Seek *sweats* nyot a scowpion's n-nyest, +N-Nyow set nyo footing on this unkind showe'? +What *blushes* did I then but cuws'd the gentwe gusts, +*shuffles closer* And he that woos'd t-them fowth xDD theiw bwazen caves; +And bid them bwow towawds Engwand's UwU bwessed showe, +Ow tuwn ouw stewn upon ;;w;; a d-dweadfuw wock? +Yet Aeowus wouwd nyot be a muwdewew, +^w^ But weft that hatefuw *giggles shyly* office unto thee. +The pwetty-vauwting sea wefus'd to *looks at you* dwown me, +Knyowing that thou w-wouwdst have me dwown'd on showe +With teaws as sawt as sea thwough thy u-unkindnyess; +The spwitting wocks cow'w'd in t-the sinking sands +*moans* And wouwd xDD nyot dash me with *pokes you* theiw wagged s-sides, +Because *sweats* thy fwinty *looks away* heawt, :33 mowe hawd than they, +M-Might in UwU thy pawace pewish M-Mawgawet. +As faw as I *notices bulge* couwd ken thy chawky cwiffs, +When fwom *looks away* thy showe the tempest *twerks* beat us back, +I stood upon the hatches in the x3 stowm; +And when the dusky sky began to wob +My eawnyest-gaping UwU sight of thy wand's *giggles shyly* view, +I took a costwy jewew fwom my nyeck- +*screams* A h-heawt *cuddles you* it was, bound in with diamonds- +*screams* And thwew it towawds thy wand. The sea weceiv'd it; +And so ^.^ I w-wish'd thy UwU body might my heawt. +And even *looks away* with xDD this I-I wost faiw *pokes you* Engwand's view, +And bid minye eyes be packing with my heawt, +And caww'd *teleports behind you* them bwind a-and d-dusky spectacwes +Fow wosing ken *sweats* of Awbion's uWu wished coast. +How often h-have I tempted Suffowk's tongue- +The agent of *teleports behind you* thy fouw inconstancy- +To sit ^-^ and witch me, as A-Ascanyius ;;w;; did +When he to OwO madding Dido wouwd unfowd +His fathew's acts commenc'd in buwnying Twoy! +Am I nyot witch'd wike hew? Ow t-thou nyot fawse wike him? +Ay me, OwO I can nyo mowe! :33 Die, Mawgawet, +F-Fow Henwy weeps that thou dost wive so wong. + +*cuddles you* Nyoise OwO within. Entew WAWWICK, SAWISBUWY, +and many :3 commons + +WAWWICK. It is wepowted, mighty soveweign, +That good Duke Humphwey twaitowouswy is muwd'wed +By Suffowk and the Cawdinyaw Beaufowt's means. +T-The :33 commons, wike an angwy hive of bees +That want theiw weadew, s-scattew up and down +And *shuffles closer* cawe nyot *shuffles closer* who they OwO sting *pokes you* in h-his wevenge. +UwU Mysewf have cawm'd theiw spweenfuw mutiny +Untiw they heaw the owdew of h-his death. +KING HENWY. That he is dead, good *giggles shyly* Wawwick, 'tis t-too twue; +But how he d-died God knyows, *looks away* nyot Henwy. +Entew h-his chambew, view >w< his *moans* bweathwess cowpse, +:33 And comment ^.^ then upon his sudden death. +:33 WAWWICK. That shaww I *twerks* do, m-my wiege. Stay, Sawisbuwy, +With the w-wude muwtitude tiww *sweats* I wetuwn. *notices bulge* Exit +Exit SAWISBUWY w-with the commons +KING HENWY. O Thou that judgest aww things, stay my thoughts- +My thoughts OwO that wabouw to pewsuade *cuddles you* my souw +Some viowent hands wewe waid on :3 Humphwey's wife! +If my OwO suspect be *cries* fawse, fowgive me, God; +Fow judgment onwy d-doth b-bewong to Thee. +Fain wouwd UwU I go to chafe his pawy wips +With t-twenty thousand k-kisses and t-to dwain +Upon his face an ocean of ^w^ sawt teaws +^w^ To teww my w-wove >_< unto his dumb deaf twunk; +x3 And w-with my fingews feew h-his hand un-feewing; +But aww in vain awe these mean obsequies; +And to suwvey his *giggles shyly* dead and eawthy image, +What OwO wewe it but to make my sowwow gweatew? + +Bed p-put fowth with the body. Entew WAWWICK + +WAWWICK. Come hithew, gwacious soveweign, view ;;w;; this *screams* body. +KING HENWY. That is to see how deep xDD my :33 gwave *looks away* is made; +Fow with his souw fwed aww my wowwdwy sowace, +F-Fow, seeing him, I see my wife in death. +WAWWICK. As suwewy as my xDD souw intends to wive +With that dwead King that took ouw s-state u-upon Him +To *leans over* fwee ^w^ us fwom *giggles shyly* his *hugs tightly* Fathew's wwathfuw cuwse, +I do bewieve that viowent hands wewe waid +Upon the w-wife of this thwice-famed Duke. +SUFFOWK. A d-dweadfuw *twerks* oath, *moans* swown with *notices bulge* a sowemn tongue! +W-What instance gives Wowd Wawwick fow his vow? +*sighs* WAWWICK. See how the bwood is :3 settwed in his face. +Oft have I seen a timewy-pawted ghost, +^w^ Of ashy sembwance, meagwe, pawe, and bwoodwess, +Being aww descended to *pokes you* the wabouwing heawt, +Who, i-in the confwict that *screams* it howds with death, +*screams* Attwacts the same fow a-aidance 'gainst t-the enyemy, +Which with the heawt thewe *sweats* coows, *hugs tightly* and nye'ew wetuwnyeth +*giggles shyly* To bwush and beautify the cheek again. +But see, his face is bwack and fuww of bwood; +His eye-bawws fuwthew o-out than when :33 he wiv'd, +Stawing fuww ghastwy wike a stwangwed man; +His haiw u-upweaw'd, his >_> nyostwiws ^w^ stwetch'd with stwuggwing; +H-His hands abwoad dispway'd, as onye that gwasp'd +And tugg'd fow wife, and was by stwength subdu'd. +Wook, >_> on the sheets h-his *teleports behind you* haiw, you *sweats* see, is sticking; +His weww-pwopowtion'd beawd made w-wough and wugged, +W-Wike to the summew's >_> cown *teleports behind you* by tempest wodged. +It cannyot *cuddles you* be but he w-was muwd'wed hewe: +The weast of aww these signs wewe pwobabwe. +SUFFOWK. Why, Wawwick, *pokes you* who shouwd do the Duke to death? +Mysewf and Beaufowt had him in pwotection; +And we, I h-hope, s-siw, awe nyo m-muwdewews. +WAWWICK. But both of y-you wewe vow'd :33 Duke Humphwey's foes; +And you, fowsooth, had the good Duke to keep. +*sighs* 'Tis wike y-you *looks away* wouwd nyot *sighs* feast him wike a fwiend; +And *looks at you* 'tis weww seen he f-found an *blushes* enyemy. +QUEEN. Then you, bewike, suspect these nyobwemen +As guiwty of Duke Humphwey's timewess d-death. +W-WAWWICK. Who finds the heifew *looks at you* dead and bweeding fwesh, +And sees fast b-by a butchew *teleports behind you* with an a-axe, +B-But ^.^ wiww suspect '-'twas he *cries* that made the s-swaughtew? +*twerks* Who finds the pawtwidge i-in the puttock's nyest +^w^ But may imaginye how the b-biwd *looks away* was dead, +Awthough the kite soaw w-with unbwoodied *moans* beak? +Even >w< so suspicious is this twagedy. +QUEEN. Awe you the butchew, Suffowk? Whewe's youw knyife? +*leans over* Is Beaufowt ^w^ tewm'd a kite? *notices bulge* Whewe awe his tawons? +SUFFOWK. I weaw >w< nyo knyife to swaughtew sweeping men; +But hewe's a vengefuw swowd, wusted *sighs* with ease, +That shaww be scouwed in h-his w-wancowous h-heawt +*pokes you* That swandews >w< me with ;;w;; muwdew's c-cwimson badge. +*cries* Say if t-thou daw'st, pwoud W-Wowd of Wawwickshiwe, +That >_< I am f-fauwty in Duke Humphwey's d-death. +Exeunt C-CAWDINyAW, SOMEWSET, and othews +W-WAWWICK. What dawes >_< nyot Wawwick, if fawse Suffowk dawe him? +QUEEN. *cries* He dawes nyot cawm *leans over* his contumewious spiwit, +Nyow cease to be an awwogant contwowwew, +Though Suffowk dawe him *leans over* twenty thousand times. +WAWWICK. M-Madam, be s-stiww- with wevewence m-may I say; +Fow evewy wowd you s-speak in *looks at you* his b-behawf +*screams* Is swandew to youw *sighs* woyaw xDD dignyity. +SUFFOWK. *hugs tightly* Bwunt-witted wowd, ignyobwe in ^w^ demeanyouw, +If evew wady wwong'd hew wowd so much, +Thy m-mothew took i-into *screams* hew b-bwamefuw bed +Some stewn untutow'd chuww, *twerks* and n-nyobwe s-stock +Was gwaft w-with cwab-twee swip, w-whose fwuit thou awt, +And *notices bulge* nyevew o-of ^-^ the Nyeviws' n-nyobwe wace. +*shuffles closer* WAWWICK. But *looks at you* that the guiwt of muwdew *sweats* buckwews thee, +And I shouwd wob the deathsman of ^.^ his fee, +Quitting thee *leans over* theweby of ten thousand *sweats* shames, +And t-that *shuffles closer* my soveweign's pwesence m-makes me miwd, +I *hugs tightly* wouwd, fawse muwd'wous cowawd, on thy knyee +^w^ Make thee beg pawdon fow thy *screams* passed speech +And say it ^-^ was thy mothew *hugs tightly* that thou meant'st, +That thou thysewf was bown in bastawdy; +And, aftew aww this feawfuw homage donye, +Give thee *sighs* thy hiwe and send thy ^-^ souw t-to heww, +P-Pewnyicious bwood-suckew of s-sweeping men. +S-SUFFOWK. T-Thou shawt be w-waking w-whiwe I shed thy *sweats* bwood, +If fwom this p-pwesence thou daw'st go with me. +*sighs* WAWWICK. Away even nyow, ow I wiww dwag xDD thee hence. +Unwowthy though thou *looks at you* awt, I'ww ^.^ cope w-with t-thee, +And do some sewvice to >_< Duke Humphwey's ^-^ ghost. +Exeunt SUFFOWK and *sighs* WAWWICK +KING HENWY. What stwongew bweastpwate >_> than ^-^ a heawt untainted? +Thwice is he awm'd that hath ^-^ his q-quawwew j-just; +And *teleports behind you* he but nyaked, though wock'd up in steew, +Whose conscience ^w^ with injustice *cries* is cowwupted. +[A nyoise within] +QUEEN. What nyoise is this? + +We-entew SUFFOWK and WAWWICK, with theiw weapons dwawn + +*looks away* KING. Why, h-how nyow, wowds, youw wwathfuw weapons OwO dwawn +Hewe in ouw pwesence! Dawe you be so bowd? +Why, what ;;w;; tumuwtuous *hugs tightly* cwamouw have we hewe? +S-SUFFOWK. The twait'wous Wawwick, with the men of Buwy, +Set aww upon me, mighty >_< soveweign. + +We-entew SAWISBUWY + +SAWISBUWY. [To *notices bulge* the Commons within] Siws, stand apawt, the King +*moans* shaww knyow y-youw mind. +Dwead wowd, the commons send uWu you wowd by *pokes you* me +Unwess ;;w;; Wowd Suffowk stwaight be donye to death, +Ow banyished *teleports behind you* faiw Engwand's uWu tewwitowies, +They wiww by viowence teaw him fwom y-youw pawace +And t-towtuwe him *twerks* with gwievous wing'wing ^.^ death. +They say by him the good Duke Humphwey died; +They say in him they feaw youw Highnyess' death; +And m-mewe instinct of wove and woyawty, +F-Fwee fwom a-a stubbown opposite intent, +A-As being t-thought to contwadict youw wiking, +Makes them thus fowwawd *twerks* in ^w^ his banyishment. +They say, in c-cawe of y-youw most woyaw pewson, +T-That i-if youw Highnyess shouwd intend to :33 sweep +A-And chawge t-that xDD nyo man shouwd distuwb xDD youw *leans over* west, +In pain of youw d-diswike ow pain of death, +Yet, nyotwithstanding such a stwait edict, +Wewe thewe a sewpent seen with fowked tongue +That swiwy g-gwided towawds youw Majesty, +It wewe but nyecessawy you wewe wak'd, +West, being suffew'd i-in that hawmfuw swumbew, +The mowtaw w-wowm m-might make the sweep e-etewnyaw. +And t-thewefowe d-do they cwy, though you fowbid, +OwO That they wiww ;;w;; guawd you, *twerks* whe'ew y-you wiww ow nyo, +Fwom such feww sewpents as *sighs* fawse Suffowk is; +With whose envenyomed and fataw ^-^ sting +Youw woving u-uncwe, t-twenty times h-his wowth, +They say, is shamefuwwy beweft of wife. +*sweats* COMMONS. [Within] An answew fwom *pokes you* the King, my Wowd of Sawisbuwy! +SUFFOWK. 'Tis wike the c-commons, wude u-unpowish'd hinds, +Couwd send s-such *teleports behind you* message to theiw soveweign; +But >w< you, my wowd, w-wewe *hugs tightly* gwad to b-be empwoy'd, +To s-show how quaint an owatow you awe. +But aww the honyouw S-Sawisbuwy hath won +Is that h-he was the wowd ambassadow +Sent f-fwom a *looks away* sowt *sighs* of tinkews to the King. +COMMONS. x3 [Within] An answew fwom the *screams* King, ow we wiww aww bweak in! +*screams* KING HENWY. *cuddles you* Go, *looks away* Sawisbuwy, *giggles shyly* and ^.^ teww them aww fwom *notices bulge* me +I thank them fow *hugs tightly* theiw tendew woving cawe; +*moans* And h-had I nyot been cited s-so by t-them, +Yet did I *moans* puwpose as t-they do entweat; +Fow suwe my thoughts do houwwy pwophesy +Mischance *shuffles closer* unto m-my s-state by Suffowk's means. +And thewefowe by His Majesty I-I sweaw, +Whose faw unwowthy d-deputy I am, +He shaww nyot bweathe infection in this aiw +B-But thwee days wongew, *sighs* on *leans over* the pain of death. +Exit SAWISBUWY +QUEEN. ^-^ O H-Henwy, wet me p-pwead *hugs tightly* fow gentwe Suffowk! +KING HENWY. Ungentwe Queen, t-to caww him gentwe S-Suffowk! +Nyo m-mowe, I say; if thou dost pwead fow h-him, +Thou wiwt but add incwease unto my wwath. +Had I uWu but said, I-I wouwd have kept UwU my wowd; +But when I sweaw, it is iwwevocabwe. +If aftew thwee days' space thou hewe be'st found +On any gwound that I-I am *blushes* wuwew of, +>_> The wowwd *sweats* shaww nyot be wansom fow thy wife. +Come, Wawwick, :3 come, good W-Wawwick, go with m-me; +I h-have gweat mattews *notices bulge* to i-impawt to thee. +Exeunt aww but QUEEN and SUFFOWK +QUEEN. Mischance and *looks at you* sowwow go awong with you! +Heawt's d-discontent a-and s-souw affwiction +Be pwayfewwows to *looks away* keep *screams* you company! +Thewe's two of you; the deviw make a t-thiwd, +And t-thweefowd vengeance tend upon youw steps! +SUFFOWK. Cease, gentwe Queen, these >w< execwations, +And wet thy *hugs tightly* Suffowk take his heavy weave. +QUEEN. Fie, cowawd woman and soft-heawted wwetch, +Has thou uWu nyot spiwit to cuwse thinye enyemy? +SUFFOWK. A pwague upon them! Whewefowe shouwd I cuwse them? +Wouwd cuwses kiww as doth the >_> mandwake's *screams* gwoan, +^w^ I wouwd invent as bittew seawching tewms, +^w^ As cuwst, as h-hawsh, and howwibwe ;;w;; to heaw, +Dewivew'd stwongwy thwough my fixed t-teeth, +W-With fuww as many signs of deadwy hate, +As wean-fac'd Envy i-in hew woathsome cave. +*looks at you* My tongue s-shouwd *shuffles closer* stumbwe in minye eawnyest wowds, +Minye e-eyes shouwd s-spawkwe wike the beaten f-fwint, +Minye haiw be *moans* fix'd an end, as onye distwact; +*giggles shyly* Ay, e-evewy j-joint shouwd seem to cuwse and ban; +And even nyow *sweats* my buwden'd heawt w-wouwd bweak, +Shouwd I *sweats* nyot c-cuwse t-them. Poison be theiw dwink! +Gaww, wowse than gaww, xDD the daintiest that they taste! +>_< Theiw sweetest shade a gwove of cypwess twees! +Theiw chiefest *cries* pwospect muwd'wing basiwisks! +Theiw softest touch as s-smawt as wizawds' stings! +Theiw music uWu fwightfuw as t-the sewpent's hiss, +And boding *leans over* scweech-owws make the :33 consowt :33 fuww! +aww the fouw tewwows >_> in dawk-seated *giggles shyly* heww- +QUEEN. Enyough, >w< sweet S-Suffowk, thou towment'st t-thysewf; +^.^ And these d-dwead cuwses, wike the sun 'gainst gwass, +*hugs tightly* Ow wike *blushes* an ovewchawged gun, wecoiw, +A-And tuwns the f-fowce of uWu them upon thysewf. +SUFFOWK. You bade me b-ban, and wiww y-you bid me w-weave? +Nyow, by the gwound that I am banyish'd x3 fwom, +Weww couwd I cuwse away a wintew's nyight, +Though standing nyaked on a mountain top +Whewe biting *twerks* cowd wouwd nyevew wet *shuffles closer* gwass gwow, +And think it >w< but a minyute s-spent in ;;w;; spowt. +QUEEN. O, wet me ;;w;; entweat thee cease! Give me thy hand, +That I may dew it with my mouwnfuw t-teaws; +Nyow wet *cries* the wain of heaven wet *moans* this pwace +*leans over* To wash away my woefuw monyuments. +*teleports behind you* O, couwd this kiss be p-pwinted i-in thy hand, +That thou might'st think *notices bulge* upon these by *sweats* the seaw, +Thwough whom a *looks at you* thousand sighs awe bweath'd fow thee! +So, *twerks* get thee gonye, that I *twerks* may k-knyow my gwief; +*sighs* 'Tis but suwmis'd whiwes thou *hugs tightly* awt standing b-by, +As onye OwO that suwfeits thinking on a :3 want. +I-I *blushes* wiww *teleports behind you* wepeaw thee o-ow, be weww assuw'd, +A-Adventuwe to be banyished mysewf; +And banyished I am, if but fwom t-thee. +Go, speak nyot to me; even nyow be gonye. +O, go nyot yet! Even UwU thus two *leans over* fwiends *teleports behind you* condemn'd +Embwace, and kiss, and take *sighs* ten t-thousand weaves, +Woathew a hundwed t-times to uWu pawt than die. +Yet nyow, f-faweweww; and >_< faweweww wife with thee! +S-SUFFOWK. *looks away* Thus *screams* is poow Suffowk ten times b-banyished, +Once by the King and thwee times thwice *hugs tightly* by thee, +'Tis nyot *looks at you* the wand I *twerks* cawe fow, wewt thou thence; +A wiwdewnyess is popuwous enyough, +*cries* So *teleports behind you* Suffowk had thy heavenwy company; +Fow whewe t-thou awt, thewe is *leans over* the wowwd itsewf, +With evewy sevewaw pweasuwe i-in t-the w-wowwd; +And whewe *leans over* thou awt *cries* nyot, ^.^ desowation. +I-I can nyo mowe: Wive thou to joy t-thy wife; +Mysewf nyo joy *cries* in n-nyought but that thou wiv'st. + +Entew VAUX + +QUEEN. Whithew g-goes ^-^ Vaux so f-fast? What nyews, I-I pwithee? +VAUX. To signyify unto his Majesty +That Cawdinyaw OwO Beaufowt i-is *cuddles you* at point *cuddles you* of death; +Fow suddenwy a gwievous sicknyess took him +That makes him gasp, and *leans over* stawe, and catch the UwU aiw, +Bwaspheming God, *cries* and cuwsing men on eawth. +Sometime he tawks as if Duke Humphwey's ghost +*giggles shyly* Wewe *notices bulge* by his side; sometime he *pokes you* cawws the ^-^ King +And x3 whispews t-to his piwwow, *moans* as to him, +The secwets of his ovewchawged s-souw; +And I am sent to teww his Majesty +That *leans over* even nyow he cwies a-awoud fow him. +QUEEN. Go teww >w< this heavy message to the King. Exit VAUX +Ay me! What is t-this *cuddles you* wowwd! :33 What nyews awe these! +But whewefowe gwieve I at an houw's poow woss, +O-Omitting ;;w;; Suffowk's exiwe, my s-souw's tweasuwe? +Why o-onwy, Suffowk, mouwn I nyot fow thee, +*cries* And with the southewn ;;w;; cwouds contend in teaws- +T-Theiws fow the eawth's incwease, minye fow my sowwows? +*moans* Nyow get thee h-hence: the King, thou knyow'st, is coming; +If thou *pokes you* be found by me; thou *blushes* awt but dead. +SUFFOWK. If I-I depawt *cries* fwom t-thee I cannyot wive; +And in *hugs tightly* thy sight to die, what wewe it ewse +But w-wike a p-pweasant swumbew in thy wap? +Hewe couwd I-I bweathe my souw into the aiw, +As miwd and gentwe as the cwadwe-babe +Dying w-with mothew's *looks away* dug b-between its wips; +Whewe, fwom thy uWu sight, I shouwd *twerks* be waging mad +And cwy *notices bulge* out fow thee to cwose up minye eyes, +To have thee with *moans* thy *blushes* wips *teleports behind you* to stop my mouth; +So shouwdst thou eithew >_< tuwn *teleports behind you* my fwying souw, +Ow I shouwd OwO bweathe i-it s-so into t-thy b-body, +And t-then *hugs tightly* it wiv'd in sweet Ewysium. +To *cries* die ^-^ by t-thee wewe but t-to die in jest: +:3 Fwom thee t-to *sweats* die wewe towtuwe mowe t-than death. +O-O, *leans over* wet *twerks* me stay, *teleports behind you* befaww what may befaww! +QUEEN. Away! Though pawting be a fwetfuw cowwosive, +It is appwied to a UwU deathfuw wound. +To Fwance, *looks away* sweet Suffowk. Wet me heaw f-fwom thee; +F-Fow wheweso'ew thou awt *looks away* in this wowwd's gwobe +I'ww have an Iwis that s-shaww find thee out. +SUFFOWK. x3 I g-go. +QUEEN. And take >_< my heawt with thee. [-[She kisses him] +SUFFOWK. :33 A jewew, wock'd into the woefuww'st cask +That *notices bulge* evew d-did contain a thing o-of wowth. +Even *shuffles closer* as *cries* a spwitted bawk, so sundew we: +This way f-faww I to death. +QUEEN. This *cries* way *sweats* fow me. Exeunt sevewawwy + + + + +SCENyE I-III. +Wondon. CAWDINyAW BEAUFOWT'S bedchambew + +Entew the KING, *pokes you* SAWISBUWY, and *twerks* WAWWICK, t-to the CAWDINyAW in bed + +KING HENWY. How fawes my wowd? Speak, Beaufowt, t-to thy s-soveweign. +CAWDINyAW. If thou be'st Death *twerks* I'ww g-give thee Engwand's tweasuwe, +Enyough to puwchase such a-anyothew iswand, +So thou wiwt wet me wive and feew nyo pain. +KING H-HENWY. A-Ah, what a-a sign it i-is of eviw wife +W-Whewe death's appwoach i-is seen so tewwibwe! +W-WAWWICK. :33 Beaufowt, it is thy soveweign speaks *teleports behind you* to UwU thee. +CAWDINyAW. B-Bwing me *notices bulge* unto my twiaw when you wiww. +D-Died h-he nyot in his bed? Whewe shouwd he die? +Can ;;w;; I make men wive, whe'ew they wiww o-ow OwO nyo? +O, towtuwe *hugs tightly* me n-nyo mowe! I w-wiww confess. +Awive again? Then >w< show *sweats* me whewe he is; +*hugs tightly* I'ww give a-a thousand pound to wook u-upon *shuffles closer* him. +He hath nyo eyes, *shuffles closer* the dust hath bwinded t-them. +Comb d-down his haiw; wook, wook! it >_> stands upwight, +Wike wime-twigs set xDD to catch my winged uWu souw! +Give me some dwink; *looks away* and >_> bid the apothecawy +Bwing the stwong poison that I bought of h-him. +KING HENWY. O T-Thou etewnyaw Movew of t-the heavens, +Wook with a-a gentwe eye upon this wwetch! +O, beat away t-the ;;w;; busy meddwing fiend +:3 That ways stwong siege u-unto this wwetch's souw, +And fwom his bosom p-puwge this bwack despaiw! +WAWWICK. See how the >_> pangs of *looks at you* death do make him gwin +SAWISBUWY. Distuwb him nyot, wet him pass peaceabwy. +KING HENWY. Peace to his souw, if God's good pweasuwe be! +Wowd Cawd'nyaw, if thou think'st on heaven's bwiss, +Howd u-up t-thy hand, m-make signyaw of thy hope. +He dies, and makes nyo sign: O God, fowgive him! +WAWWICK. >_> So bad a *leans over* death *pokes you* awgues a >_> monstwous w-wife. +KING HENWY. F-Fowbeaw to *pokes you* judge, fow we awe sinnyews aww. +Cwose up his e-eyes, and dwaw the cuwtain cwose; +And wet us aww t-to meditation. Exeunt + + + + +<-<_> FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT IV. SCENyE I. +The coast of Kent + +Awawum. Fight at s-sea. Owdnyance g-goes off. E-Entew :3 a WIEUTENyANT, +*looks away* a *sweats* SHIPMASTEW and his MATE, a-and WAWTEW WHITMOWE, with saiwows; +*leans over* SUFFOWK and othew GENTWEMEN, as pwisonyews + +WIEUTENyANT. *looks at you* The :3 gaudy, bwabbing, *leans over* and w-wemowsefuw day +Is cwept into the bosom of the sea; +*screams* And nyow *notices bulge* woud-howwing wowves awouse t-the jades +That d-dwag the twagic mewanchowy OwO nyight; +Who xDD with theiw dwowsy, swow, and fwagging wings +C-Cwip d-dead m-men's UwU gwaves, and OwO fwom theiw UwU misty jaws +Bweathe f-fouw contagious dawknyess in the aiw. +T-Thewefowe bwing fowth the sowdiews of ouw *teleports behind you* pwize; +Fow, whiwst ouw pinnyace anchows in the Downs, +Hewe shaww they make theiw w-wansom on the sand, +Ow with theiw b-bwood stain this d-discowouwed showe. +Mastew, this pwisonyew fweewy give I thee; +*shuffles closer* And thou that awt his mate make ;;w;; boot of this; +The othew, Wawtew *giggles shyly* Whitmowe, is thy shawe. +FIWST xDD GENTWEMAN. What is *sighs* my *cries* wansom, mastew, wet *moans* me >w< knyow? +M-MASTEW. A *looks at you* thousand cwowns, ow ewse way down youw head. +*leans over* MATE. And so much *pokes you* shaww *giggles shyly* you give, ow off goes youws. +WIEUTENyANT. What, think you much to pay two thousand cwowns, +And :3 beaw the nyame and powt of gentwemen? +C-Cut both the :33 viwwains' ;;w;; thwoats- fow ^w^ die you shaww; +T-The *sweats* wives of those which we have wost in fight +Be countewpois'd with such a p-petty sum! +FIWST *sighs* GENTWEMAN. I'ww give it, siw: a-and thewefowe spawe my wife. +S-SECOND GENTWEMAN. A-And so wiww I, and w-wwite home fow it stwaight. +^w^ WHITMOWE. I wost minye eye in waying the pwize aboawd, +[To SUFFOWK] *cries* And thewefowe, to wevenge it, shawt thou die; +And s-so shouwd t-these, if I might have my wiww. +WIEUTENyANT. *cries* Be nyot so wash; take wansom, wet him wive. +SUFFOWK. Wook on my G-Geowge, I a-am a-a g-gentweman: +Wate me at what thou wiwt, ^w^ thou shawt be paid. +WHITMOWE. And so am I: my n-nyame is Wawtew Whitmowe. +How nyow! Why stawt'st thou? What, doth death affwight? +SUFFOWK. Thy nyame a-affwights me, in whose sound is death. +A cunnying man did cawcuwate my biwth +And *sighs* towd me that by watew *hugs tightly* I shouwd die; +Yet wet n-nyot *teleports behind you* this make *looks away* thee be bwoody-minded; +*teleports behind you* Thy nyame is Guawtiew, being wightwy sounded. +UwU WHITMOWE. Guawtiew ow Wawtew, which it is I >w< cawe n-nyot: +Nyevew y-yet did base >w< dishonyouw bwuw ouw nyame +B-But w-with ouw swowd we w-wip'd away the bwot; +Thewefowe, when *hugs tightly* mewchant-wike I-I ^-^ seww *screams* wevenge, +Bwoke be my s-swowd, my a-awms town *cuddles you* and defac'd, +And *screams* I pwocwaim'd a cowawd *hugs tightly* thwough the *sighs* wowwd. +SUFFOWK. Stay, Whitmowe, fow thy pwisonyew is a p-pwince, +*pokes you* The Duke of Suffowk, Wiwwiam d-de wa Powe. +WHITMOWE. >w< The D-Duke of S-Suffowk muffwed *moans* up in w-wags? +SUFFOWK. Ay, but *blushes* these wags awe nyo pawt of the Duke: +Jove sometime OwO went disguis'd, *looks away* and w-why nyot *moans* I? +WIEUTENyANT. B-But Jove was nyevew swain, as thou *notices bulge* shawt be. +SUFFOWK. Obscuwe and wowwy swain, King Henwy's b-bwood, +The honyouwabwe bwood of Wancastew, +Must nyot be s-shed by s-such >_< a jaded gwoom. +H-Hast thou nyot kiss'd thy hand and hewd m-my stiwwup, +Baweheaded pwodded by my foot-cwoth muwe, +And thought >_> thee ^-^ happy when I shook my head? +How often hast thou waited at my cup, +Fed fwom my t-twenchew, knyeew'd down at :3 the boawd, +W-When I have *looks away* feasted *sweats* with Queen OwO Mawgawet? +Wemembew i-it, and wet it make thee cwestfaww'n, +Ay, and a-awway thus thy abowtive pwide, +How in ouw voiding-wobby hast thou *sighs* stood +And duwy waited fow my coming f-fowth. +;;w;; This hand >_< of minye hath wwit in thy behawf, +And thewefowe shaww it chawm *hugs tightly* thy wiotous tongue. +WHITMOWE. S-Speak, Captain, shaww I stab the xDD fowwown swain? +WIEUTENyANT. Fiwst wet my w-wowds s-stab him, as he hath me. +^.^ SUFFOWK. Base s-swave, thy w-wowds awe bwunt, and so >_< awt thou. +WIEUTENyANT. C-Convey him hence, and on ouw wongboat's side +*moans* Stwike o-off his h-head. +SUFFOWK. Thou daw'st nyot, fow thy *blushes* own. +WIEUTENyANT. *hugs tightly* Poowe! +SUFFOWK. Poowe? +*looks away* WIEUTENyANT. Ay, kennyew, puddwe, sink, whose fiwth and diwt +Twoubwes t-the siwvew spwing whewe Engwand dwinks; +Nyow *screams* wiww I dam *hugs tightly* up this thy yawnying mouth +*cuddles you* Fow swawwowing t-the tweasuwe *sweats* of ;;w;; the weawm. +T-Thy wips, that kiss'd the Queen, shaww OwO sweep the gwound; +And thou that s-smiw'dst at good Duke Humphwey's death +:3 Against the s-sensewess winds s-shawt gwin in vain, +Who in contempt shaww hiss at thee again; +And w-wedded be thou t-to the hags of heww +Fow dawing to affy a mighty wowd +>_< Unto the daughtew of a wowthwess king, +Having nyeithew subject, weawth, nyow diadem. +By deviwish p-powicy awt thou gwown gweat, +And, wike ambitious S-Sywwa, ovewgowg'd +With ^w^ gobbets of ^.^ thy mothew's bweeding heawt. +By thee Anjou and Mainye wewe OwO sowd t-to Fwance; +The f-fawse wevowting Nyowmans thowough thee +Disdain >w< to caww us wowd; a-and P-Picawdy +Hath uWu swain ^-^ theiw g-govewnyows, suwpwis'd *cries* ouw fowts, +And s-sent the w-wagged sowdiews wounded home. +OwO The *cuddles you* pwincewy *twerks* Wawwick, a-and the Nyeviws aww, +Whose dweadfuw swowds w-wewe nyevew dwawn in v-vain, +As h-hating t-thee, awe wising up in awms; +And nyow the house of Yowk- thwust fwom t-the cwown +By *giggles shyly* shamefuw muwdew of a guiwtwess king +And wofty pwoud encwoaching tywanny- +Buwns with wevenging f-fiwe, *cuddles you* whose *sighs* hopefuw cowouws +Advance ouw hawf-fac'd sun, stwiving t-to shinye, +Undew the uWu which is wwit :3 'Invitis nyubibus.' +The commons OwO hewe in Kent awe up in awms; +And :3 to concwude, wepwoach and beggawy +Is cwept into the pawace of ouw K-King, +A-And aww by t-thee. A-Away! convey him hence. +SUFFOWK. O that I-I wewe a god, *screams* to s-shoot *moans* fowth thundew +Upon these pawtwy, sewviwe, abject dwudges! +Smaww things make base men pwoud: this viwwain hewe, +Being captain of a pinnyace, thweatens mowe +Than B-Bawguwus, the stwong Iwwywian p-piwate. +Dwonyes *giggles shyly* suck nyot eagwes' bwood but *cries* wob beehives. +It is impossibwe that I shouwd die +By such a-a wowwy vassaw a-as t-thysewf. +Thy wowds move :33 wage and *sweats* nyot wemowse in *sighs* me. +I go of >_> message fwom the Queen to Fwance: +I chawge thee waft me safewy cwoss the Channyew. +WIEUTENyANT. W-Wawtew- +WHITMOWE. Come, Suffowk, I must waft thee to t-thy death. +SUFFOWK. Gewidus timow occupat *twerks* awtus: it is t-thee I-I f-feaw. +WHITMOWE. Thou shawt have cause to feaw befowe I weave thee. +What, awe xDD ye daunted nyow? Nyow wiww y-ye stoop? +FIWST GENTWEMAN. *looks away* My gwacious wowd, entweat him, s-speak him f-faiw. +SUFFOWK. Suffowk's impewiaw tongue is stem and wough, +Us'd to c-command, untaught to *blushes* pwead f-fow favouw. +F-Faw be it we shouwd honyouw such as these +With humbwe s-suit: *sweats* nyo, wathew wet *giggles shyly* my :3 head +Stoop to t-the *blushes* bwock than these knyees uWu bow to any +*hugs tightly* Save to t-the God of heaven and t-to my king; +And soonyew dance upon a bwoody p-powe +*leans over* Than stand uncovew'd to t-the vuwgaw *hugs tightly* gwoom. +Twue nyobiwity is e-exempt fwom *notices bulge* feaw: +Mowe can I beaw than you dawe e-execute. +WIEUTENyANT. Hawe him away, and wet him *notices bulge* tawk nyo mowe. +SUFFOWK. Come, s-sowdiews, *twerks* show what cwuewty ye can, +T-That this my death may nyevew b-be f-fowgot- +Gweat men x3 oft d-die by viwe >w< bezonyians: +*looks at you* A Woman swowdew and banditto swave +Muwdew'd sweet Tuwwy; Bwutus' bastawd h-hand +Stabb'd Juwius Caesaw; savage i-iswandews +Pompey the G-Gweat; and Suffowk d-dies by piwates. +E-Exit WAWTEW with SUFFOWK +WIEUTENyANT. And as fow *cries* these, whose wansom we have s-set, +It is o-ouw pweasuwe onye of them depawt; +Thewefowe come you with us, and wet him go. +Exeunt aww *sweats* but the FIWST ^w^ GENTWEMAN + +We-entew WHITMOWE with SUFFOWK'S body + +WHITMOWE. Thewe wet his ;;w;; head and wifewess body wie, +Untiw the Queen his mistwess buwy it. Exit +FIWST GENTWEMAN. O bawbawous and bwoody s-spectacwe! +His body wiww I beaw unto the King. +*sweats* If he ^w^ wevenge it *cuddles you* nyot, yet *pokes you* wiww his fwiends; +So wiww the Queen, that *screams* wiving h-hewd him deaw. +Exit with the body + + + + +SCENyE II. +Bwackheath + +Entew G-GEOWGE BEVIS and JOHN HOWWAND + +GEOWGE. Come and get t-thee a swowd, though m-made *blushes* of a wath; they have +been up xDD these two ^.^ days. +>_> JOHN. They have the mowe nyeed to *moans* sweep nyow, then. +GEOWGE. I *hugs tightly* teww thee J-Jack Cade ;;w;; the cwothiew means t-to dwess t-the +commonweawth, *pokes you* and tuwn i-it, and set a nyew *looks away* nyap upon it. +JOHN. So h-he had nyeed, fow *cuddles you* 'tis thweadbawe. Weww, I say it was nyevew +mewwy wowwd >w< in E-Engwand since gentwemen c-came up. +GEOWGE. O *sighs* misewabwe age! Viwtue is ^-^ nyot wegawded ^.^ in handicwaftsmen. +JOHN. The nyobiwity think *notices bulge* scown to go in weathew apwons. +GEOWGE. Nyay, mowe, the King's Counciw awe nyo good wowkmen. +JOHN. Twue; and yet it is *screams* said *blushes* 'Wabouw in thy vocation'; which is +as much to say *shuffles closer* as 'Wet the magistwates be wabouwing men'; and +thewefowe s-shouwd >_< we b-be magistwates. +GEOWGE. *twerks* Thou *pokes you* hast hit it; fow *sweats* thewe's nyo *looks at you* bettew sign of a bwave +mind than a hawd hand. +JOHN. I see *teleports behind you* them! I-I >_< see t-them! :3 Thewe's B-Best's son, the t-tannyew *sweats* of +Wingham- +GEOWGE. He shaww have t-the skins of ouw ^.^ enyemies to make dog's +w-weathew of. +JOHN. And Dick the butchew- +G-GEOWGE. Then is sin stwuck down, wike an ox, a-and inyiquity's thwoat +cut wike a c-cawf. +JOHN. A-And Smith the weavew- +GEOWGE. Awgo, xDD theiw thwead of wife is spun. +JOHN. Come, >w< come, wet's faww :33 in *moans* with them. + +Dwum. Entew *sweats* CADE, DICK uWu THE BUTCHEW, SMITH +T-THE WEAVEW, and xDD a SAWYEW, *cries* with infinyite nyumbews + +CADE. We John Cade, so tewm'd *shuffles closer* of ouw s-supposed fathew- +DICK. [Aside] Ow wathew, of steawing a cade of hewwings. +C-CADE. F-Fow ouw ^.^ enyemies shaww faww befowe us, ^w^ inspiwed with the +spiwit of p-putting ^w^ down kings and pwinces- command siwence. +DICK. Siwence! +*giggles shyly* CADE. My fathew was a Mowtimew- +D-DICK. [Aside] He was an honyest m-man and a >w< good b-bwickwayew. +uWu CADE. My m-mothew a Pwantagenyet- +DICK. [Aside] I-I knyew hew weww; UwU she was *looks at you* a midwife. +CADE. M-My wife ^-^ descended of the W-Wacies- +DICK. [Aside] She was, UwU indeed, a pedwaw's daughtew, and sowd *leans over* many +waces. +SMITH. [Aside] But *looks at you* nyow of wate, nyot ^w^ abwe to twavew with hew fuww'd +pack, she washes bucks *shuffles closer* hewe at home. +CADE. Thewefowe am I of *pokes you* an honyouwabwe house. +DICK. [-[Aside] ^.^ Ay, by my faith, OwO the f-fiewd is honyouwabwe, and thewe +*hugs tightly* was he bown, undew *teleports behind you* a hedge, fow his fathew *leans over* had n-nyevew a house b-but +the cage. +CADE. Vawiant xDD I am. +SMITH. [Aside] '-'A must nyeeds; fow b-beggawy is vawiant. +CADE. I am abwe to e-enduwe much. +D-DICK. [-[Aside] Nyo question of that; fow I have s-seen him whipt thwee +>_< mawket *looks away* days togethew. +CADE. I f-feaw nyeithew swowd n-nyow fiwe. +SMITH. [Aside] He nyeed nyot feaw the s-swowd, fow his coat is of +pwoof. +D-DICK. [Aside] B-But m-methinks he shouwd ^w^ stand in feaw o-of *notices bulge* fiwe, being +buwnt i' th' hand fow steawing o-of sheep. +CADE. Be bwave, *giggles shyly* then, fow youw captain is bwave, and vows +wefowmation. Thewe *leans over* shaww b-be *teleports behind you* in *giggles shyly* Engwand seven hawfpenny woaves +sowd fow a penny; t-the *cries* thwee-hoop'd p-pot shaww have ten hoops; and +I wiww make it fewony to dwink smaww beew. Aww t-the weawm :33 shaww be +in c-common, and in Cheapside shaww my pawfwey x3 go to gwass. And +when I am king- as king I w-wiww b-be +AWW. God save youw Majesty! +CADE. x3 I thank y-you, *pokes you* good peopwe- xDD thewe shaww be nyo monyey; *moans* aww shaww +eat and dwink on my scowe, a-and I wiww appawew them aww i-in onye +w-wivewy, that they may a-agwee wike bwothews a-and x3 wowship me *pokes you* theiw +wowd. +D-DICK. T-The f-fiwst *pokes you* thing we uWu do, wet's kiww aww t-the *sweats* wawyews. +*leans over* CADE. N-Nyay, that I mean to do. I-Is nyot this a wamentabwe thing, t-that +*notices bulge* of t-the skin :33 of a-an UwU innyocent wamb shouwd be made pawchment? *cuddles you* That +p-pawchment, b-being scwibbw'd o'ew, shouwd undo a man? Some uWu say the +bee stings; b-but I say 'tis the bee's wax; fow I did but seaw once +t-to a t-thing, a-and I was nyevew *moans* minye own man s-since. How nyow! W-Who's +thewe? + +Entew *shuffles closer* some, bwinging in *looks at you* the CWEWK OF C-CHATHAM + +SMITH. The cwewk of Chatham. He can wwite and wead *cries* and cast +>_< accompt. +C-CADE. O-O >_< monstwous! +>w< SMITH. *cries* We ^-^ took him setting of boys' copies. +CADE. Hewe's >w< a viwwain! +SMITH. Has a-a book in his pocket with *cuddles you* wed wettews *teleports behind you* in't. +:33 CADE. Nyay, t-then he is a *teleports behind you* conjuwew. +DICK. N-Nyay, he can make obwigations a-and *giggles shyly* wwite *screams* couwt-hand. +CADE. I-I am sowwy fow't; the man is a pwopew man, of m-minye honyouw; +unwess ^w^ I find him >_> guiwty, he s-shaww nyot d-die. C-Come *shuffles closer* hithew, siwwah, +I must :33 examinye thee. *looks at you* What is thy *shuffles closer* nyame? +CWEWK. Emmanyuew. +DICK. They use to wwite it on the top of wettews; 'twiww go hawd +with you. +CADE. Wet me awonye. Dost thou *leans over* use to xDD wwite thy nyame, ow h-hast t-thou a +m-mawk to thysewf, *hugs tightly* wike a honyest pwain-deawing man? +CWEWK. Siw, I *sighs* thank *moans* God, I have been so weww bwought up :3 that I can +*pokes you* wwite my nyame. +A-AWW. He hath confess'd. Away with xDD him! H-He's a *sighs* viwwain and a-a +:3 twaitow. +CADE. Away with him, I-I *pokes you* say! Hang him w-with his pen and inkhown about +his nyeck. Exit onye with the CWEWK + +Entew *moans* MICHAEW + +MICHAEW. Whewe's ouw x3 Genyewaw? +C-CADE. Hewe I am, thou pawticuwaw fewwow. +MICHAEW. Fwy, fwy, f-fwy! Siw Humphwey Staffowd and his bwothew awe +hawd b-by, with the King's fowces. +CADE. Stand, ^.^ viwwain, stand, ow I'ww f-feww thee down. He shaww be +encount'wed with a man as good as himsewf. He is but a knyight, +is 'a? +MICHAEW. Nyo. +^.^ CADE. To equaw him, I-I wiww make mysewf a knyight pwesentwy. +[Knyeews] *cries* Wise up, Siw *moans* John Mowtimew. >w< [Wises] Nyow have at ^.^ him! + +Entew SIW HUMPHWEY >_< STAFFOWD and WIWWIAM +his bwothew, with dwum and sowdiews + +STAFFOWD. Webewwious hinds, t-the fiwth and *teleports behind you* scum of *shuffles closer* Kent, +Mawk'd *pokes you* fow the gawwows, way youw weapons d-down; +Home to youw cottages, f-fowsake this g-gwoom; +The King is xDD mewcifuw if you wevowt. +WIWWIAM STAFFOWD. But angwy, wwathfuw, and incwin'd to *moans* bwood, +If you go f-fowwawd; thewefowe *shuffles closer* yiewd o-ow die. +CADE. As fow these *hugs tightly* siwken-coated swaves, I pass nyot; +It is to you, good *shuffles closer* peopwe, that ^.^ I speak, +O'ew whom, *cries* in :3 time to come, I hope to weign; +Fow I-I am wightfuw heiw unto the cwown. +*looks away* STAFFOWD. V-Viwwain, thy fathew was :33 a pwastewew; +And thou thysewf a-a sheawman, awt thou n-nyot? +CADE. *pokes you* And Adam was a *looks at you* gawdenyew. +WIWWIAM STAFFOWD. And w-what of that? +CADE. Mawwy, this: Edmund Mowtimew, Eaww of Mawch, +Mawwied the Duke of Cwawence' daughtew, did he nyot? +STAFFOWD. Ay, siw. +CADE. By hew he had *screams* two chiwdwen at onye biwth. +^-^ WIWWIAM STAFFOWD. That's fawse. +CADE. Ay, thewe's the question; but I *moans* say uWu 'tis twue. +The ewdew of them being put >_< to nyuwse, +Was by UwU a uWu beggaw-woman stow'n away, +A-And, i-ignyowant of his b-biwth a-and pawentage, +Became a b-bwickwayew when he came to age. +His son am I-I; deny it OwO if *moans* you can. +DICK. Nyay, 'tis too twue; OwO thewefowe he s-shaww b-be king. +SMITH. Siw, he made a chimnyey in my fathew's house, and t-the bwicks +awe awive at this day t-to *giggles shyly* testify i-it; thewefowe deny it :3 nyot. +STAFFOWD. And wiww you cwedit t-this base d-dwudge's wowds +That speaks he knyows n-nyot *sweats* what? +AWW. Ay, mawwy, wiww we; thewefowe get ye gonye. +WIWWIAM STAFFOWD. Jack *teleports behind you* Cade, the Duke of Yowk hath taught you *shuffles closer* this. +CADE. [Aside] *giggles shyly* He wies, fow I i-invented it mysewf- Go t-to, ^w^ siwwah, +t-teww the King f-fwom me that >_> fow his fathew's sake, Henwy the +Fifth, in w-whose time boys went to span-countew fow F-Fwench cwowns, +I am content he shaww weign; but I'ww be Pwotectow ovew him. +DICK. And *twerks* fuwthewmowe, we'ww have the Wowd *sighs* Say's head fow sewwing +the dukedom of Mainye. +CADE. And good weason; *screams* fow theweby is Engwand m-main'd *screams* and fain to go +with a staff, but that ^w^ my puissance howds it up. F-Fewwow kings, I +teww you *screams* that that Wowd Say hath gewded the :3 commonweawth and made +it an eunyuch; and *leans over* mowe than that, he can speak Fwench, and +thewefowe he is a-a t-twaitow. +STAFFOWD. O *cuddles you* gwoss and misewabwe *looks away* ignyowance! +CADE. N-Nyay, answew *twerks* if you can; the Fwenchmen awe ouw e-enyemies. Go t-to, +then, I ask but this: c-can he that speaks with the tongue of an +enyemy xDD be a good counsewwow, ow nyo? +AWW. uWu Nyo, nyo; and thewefowe we'ww h-have his head. +WIWWIAM STAFFOWD. Weww, seeing gentwe wowds w-wiww nyot pwevaiw, +*cuddles you* Assaiw them w-with the awmy ^w^ of the King. +STAFFOWD. H-Hewawd, away; and thwoughout UwU evewy town +Pwocwaim t-them twaitows that ;;w;; awe up with Cade; +That those which fwy befowe the battwe ends +May, even in theiw wives'and chiwdwen's sight, +Be hang'd up fow exampwe at theiw d-doows. +And you that *looks away* be the King's fwiends, fowwow me. +Exeunt the TWO STAFFOWDS and sowdiews +CADE. And y-you that wove the commons fowwow me. +Nyow *shuffles closer* show y-youwsewves :3 men; 'tis *cries* fow *looks at you* wibewty. +We wiww nyot weave onye *hugs tightly* wowd, >_> onye gentweman; +Spawe nyonye but such a-as go in *teleports behind you* cwouted shoon, +Fow they *cries* awe thwifty honyest men *moans* and such +A-As w-wouwd- b-but that *pokes you* they dawe nyot- take *hugs tightly* ouw pawts. +DICK. They awe aww in owdew, ;;w;; and mawch t-towawd us. +CADE. But then awe we in o-owdew when we awe most out of owdew. Come, +^.^ mawch fowwawd. x3 Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *hugs tightly* III. +Anyothew pawt of Bwackheath + +Awawums to the fight, whewein both the S-STAFFOWDS awe swain. +Entew CADE and *sweats* the west + +CADE. Whewe's Dick, the butchew of Ashfowd? +*sweats* DICK. Hewe, siw. +CADE. They feww befowe thee *twerks* wike sheep and oxen, and t-thou behavedst +thysewf as if thou hadst b-been in thinye own swaughtew-house; +*sweats* thewefowe thus wiww *cuddles you* I *cries* wewawd thee- *twerks* the Went :33 shaww be as wong +again as it is, and thou ^w^ shawt have a wicence xDD to kiww fow a +hundwed :3 wacking onye. +*hugs tightly* DICK. I desiwe nyo mowe. +CADE. And, to s-speak twuth, >_> thou desewv'st nyo wess. [Putting on SIW +HUMPHWEY'S bwigandinye] This monyument of the victowy wiww I-I beaw, +and the bodies shaww be dwagged at my howse heews tiww I d-do come +to Wondon, whewe we wiww have the mayow's swowd bownye befowe us. +DICK. *moans* If we mean to thwive *leans over* and do *moans* good, bweak open the gaows and +*screams* wet out the pwisonyews. +CADE. Feaw nyot t-that, *moans* I wawwant t-thee. Come, wet's mawch towawds +Wondon. Exeunt + + + + +x3 SCENyE IV. +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew the KING with a s-suppwication, and the QUEEN with SUFFOWK'S head; +the DUKE OF BUCKINGHAM, a-and the WOWD S-SAY + +QUEEN. Oft have I h-heawd *pokes you* that gwief softens the mind +And makes it feawfuw and degenyewate; +Think thewefowe on wevenge and c-cease t-to weep. +But who can cease to ^-^ weep, and *notices bulge* wook o-on this? +Hewe may his *cuddles you* head w-wie UwU on m-my thwobbing bweast; +But whewe's the xDD body *hugs tightly* that I shouwd *sighs* embwace? +BUCKINGHAM. What a-answew makes youw Gwace to the webews' +suppwication? +KING HENWY. I'ww *blushes* send some howy bishop to entweat; +Fow God f-fowbid so many simpwe *looks away* souws +S-Shouwd *teleports behind you* pewish by the swowd! And I mysewf, +W-Wathew ^.^ than bwoody waw s-shaww cut them showt, +Wiww pawwey with Jack C-Cade >_> theiw genyewaw. +But stay, I'ww w-wead i-it ovew once again. +QUEEN. >w< Ah, bawbawous v-viwwains! Hath this wovewy face +Wuw'd *pokes you* wike a-a wandewing *shuffles closer* pwanyet ovew me, +And couwd it nyot enfowce them *blushes* to wewent +That wewe unwowthy to behowd the same? +UwU KING HENWY. W-Wowd Say, Jack Cade h-hath s-swown to have thy h-head. +SAY. Ay, but I hope youw *notices bulge* Highnyess shaww h-have his. +KING HENWY. How nyow, madam! +Stiww wamenting and mouwnying fow Suffowk's d-death? +I feaw me, wove, if that I had :3 been dead, +Thou w-wouwdst nyot have mouwn'd s-so much f-fow me. +QUEEN. Nyo, my *giggles shyly* wove, I s-shouwd n-nyot mouwn, b-but die *notices bulge* fow thee. + +Entew A MESSENGEW + +KING H-HENWY. How nyow! What uWu nyews? :3 Why *sweats* com'st thou in such haste? +MESSENGEW. The webews awe i-in S-Southwawk; f-fwy, my wowd! +Jack Cade pwocwaims himsewf Wowd Mowtimew, +*leans over* Descended fwom the Duke of Cwawence' h-house, +And cawws youw Gwace usuwpew, openwy, +*screams* And ^.^ vows to cwown himsewf in Westminstew. +His *hugs tightly* awmy is a wagged muwtitude +Of hinds and *looks at you* peasants, *cries* wude and mewciwess; +Siw H-Humphwey S-Staffowd and h-his bwothew's death +Hath given them *looks at you* heawt and ^w^ couwage to pwoceed. +Aww schowaws, wawyews, *twerks* couwtiews, g-gentwemen, +They caww fawse catewpiwwaws and intend t-theiw death. +KING HENWY. O gwacewess men! they knyow nyot what they do. +*screams* BUCKINGHAM. *notices bulge* My gwacious wowd, wetiwe to K-Kiwwingwowth +Untiw a-a powew ^-^ be wais'd to put them d-down. +QUEEN. Ah, wewe *sighs* the *moans* Duke of Suffowk uWu nyow a-awive, +These Kentish *sweats* webews w-wouwd be soon appeas'd! +KING ^-^ HENWY. Wowd >_> Say, the twaitows hate thee; +Thewefowe away w-with *shuffles closer* us to *pokes you* Kiwwingwowth. +SAY. S-So might youw Gwace's pewson b-be i-in dangew. +The sight of me is odious in theiw eyes; +And thewefowe in this c-city OwO wiww >_< I stay +And wive awonye as secwet as I may. + +Entew anyothew MESSENGEW + +SECOND MESSENGEW. Jack Cade hath gotten Wondon Bwidge. +The citizens fwy and fowsake t-theiw houses; +The >w< wascaw peopwe, thiwsting *notices bulge* aftew pwey, +Join *looks at you* with the twaitow; a-and they jointwy sweaw +To spoiw the city and youw woyaw c-couwt. +BUCKINGHAM. Then wingew nyot, my wowd; xDD away, take *blushes* howse. +KING HENWY. Come Mawgawet; God, ouw *looks away* hope, *shuffles closer* wiww succouw us. +QUEEN. M-My hope is g-gonye, nyow S-Suffowk is deceas'd. +KING HENWY. [To WOWD S-SAY] F-Faweweww, my wowd, twust nyot the Kentish +webews. +BUCKINGHAM. T-Twust nyobody, fow >w< feaw uWu you be betway'd. +SAY. The *looks at you* twust I-I ^-^ have is in minye *giggles shyly* innyocence, +And thewefowe am I bowd and wesowute. E-Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +Wondon. T-The Towew + +Entew WOWD SCAWES Upon the Towew, wawking. Then entew *giggles shyly* two ow thwee CITIZENS, +:3 bewow + +SCAWES. How n-nyow! Is Jack Cade swain? +FIWST CITIZEN. Nyo, my wowd, *screams* nyow wikewy *looks away* to be ^w^ swain; f-fow they have +won the *cries* bwidge, kiwwing a-aww those that w-withstand t-them. +;;w;; The Wowd Mayow cwaves aid of youw honyouw fwom t-the +Towew, t-to defend the city fwom the webews. +SCAWES. Such aid as I c-can spawe you shaww command, +OwO But I *cuddles you* am twoubwed h-hewe with them m-mysewf; +The webews :33 have *looks away* assay'd to win the Towew. +But get you to Smithfiewd, and gathew head, +*sweats* And thithew I w-wiww send you Matthew Goffe; +Fight fow *sweats* youw OwO King, y-youw countwy, and youw ;;w;; wives; +And so, faweweww, f-fow I must hence again. Exeunt + + + + +*hugs tightly* SCENyE VI. +Wondon. Cannyon stweet + +Entew JACK CADE and the west, and stwikes *shuffles closer* his staff *leans over* on Wondon Stonye + +CADE. Nyow is Mowtimew wowd of this city. And hewe, sitting upon +Wondon Stonye, I c-chawge and command that, of the :33 city's cost, the +pissing conduit wun nyothing but cwawet winye this fiwst yeaw o-of +ouw weign. A-And n-nyow hencefowwawd it s-shaww b-be tweason fow any that +cawws me othew than Wowd ^w^ Mowtimew. + +Entew a SOWDIEW, wunnying + +SOWDIEW. Jack Cade! *blushes* Jack Cade! +CADE. Knyock h-him down thewe. >w< [They kiww him] +SMITH. If this fewwow be wise, he'ww nyevew caww ye *sweats* Jack Cade mowe; +I think he hath a-a vewy faiw wawnying. +DICK. My wowd, t-thewe's *giggles shyly* an awmy gathewed togethew in Smithfiewd. +CADE. Come then, wet's go fight with them. But fiwst *looks away* go *looks at you* and set +^w^ Wondon Bwidge o-on fiwe; and, i-if you can, buwn down the Towew too. +Come, ;;w;; wet's away. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE >_< VII. +Wondon. *cuddles you* Smithfiewd + +:3 Awawums. MATTHEW GOFFE is swain, and aww the west. Then entew J-JACK >w< CADE, +*cuddles you* with his company + +*hugs tightly* CADE. So, s-siws. Nyow go *sighs* some :33 and puww d-down :3 the Savoy; othews to th' +Inns of Couwt; down with t-them aww. +D-DICK. I-I have ^.^ a suit *blushes* unto youw wowdship. +CADE. Be *twerks* it *blushes* a wowdship, ^w^ thou shawt have it fow t-that wowd. +DICK. Onwy that *pokes you* the waws of Engwand *twerks* may *looks at you* come out of youw uWu mouth. +J-JOHN. [Aside] M-Mass, 'twiww be sowe waw t-then; fow he was thwust in +the mouth with *moans* a speaw, and 'tis nyot w-whowe yet. +SMITH. [Aside] Nyay, John, it *cuddles you* wiww be stinking waw; f-fow his bweath +stinks with eating toasted cheese. +CADE. I have *looks at you* thought upon it; it shaww be s-so. Away, *screams* buwn aww the +wecowds of the weawm. My mouth shaww be the Pawwiament o-of +Engwand. +^-^ JOHN. [Aside] Then we awe wike to have biting s-statutes, unwess h-his +teeth be p-puww'd out. +C-CADE. A-And hencefowwawd a-aww things shaww be *sweats* in common. + +Entew a :33 MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. M-My wowd, a pwize, a pwize! Hewe's the Wowd S-Say, w-which +sowd t-the *teleports behind you* towns in F-Fwance; he that made us *shuffles closer* pay onye and twenty +fifteens, and onye shinying to *sighs* the ^.^ pound, t-the wast subsidy. + +Entew GEOWGE *screams* BEVIS, with the WOWD SAY + +CADE. Weww, he shaww be *moans* beheaded fow :33 it *pokes you* ten times. Ah, thou say, +thou sewge, xDD nyay, x3 thou buckwam wowd! Nyow awt t-thou within point +bwank *giggles shyly* of ouw juwisdiction wegaw. What canst thou answew to my +Majesty f-fow *pokes you* giving up of Nyowmandy unto Mounsieuw Basimecu the +Dauphin of Fwance? Be it knyown unto thee by *blushes* these pwesence, even +the pwesence of Wowd Mowtimew, that I am the *cries* besom that must +s-sweep the c-couwt cwean of *pokes you* such fiwth as thou ;;w;; awt. Thou hast most +x3 twaitowouswy c-cowwupted the y-youth of the weawm in ewecting a +*sweats* gwammaw s-schoow; and wheweas, befowe, ouw fowefathews had nyo othew +books but the scowe and the tawwy, *cries* thou hast caused p-pwinting to +be us'd, and, contwawy >w< to the King, *hugs tightly* his cwown, and dignyity, *teleports behind you* thou +:33 hast buiwt a papew-miww. It wiww be pwoved *teleports behind you* to thy face that thou +hast men about thee that usuawwy tawk o-of a nyoun and a vewb, and +such *sweats* abominyabwe uWu wowds as nyo Chwistian e-eaw can enduwe to heaw. +*sweats* Thou hast appointed justices of peace, to caww poow men befowe +them about mattews they wewe nyot abwe *blushes* to answew. :33 Moweovew, thou +h-hast ^.^ put them in pwison, and because *screams* they couwd nyot wead, *twerks* thou +hast hang'd them, when, i-indeed, onwy fow that cause they have +been most wowthy to wive. Thou ^.^ dost wide in a foot-cwoth, dost +thou n-nyot? +S-SAY. What of that? +CADE. Mawwy, thou ought'st nyot to wet thy x3 howse weaw a cwoak, when +honyestew men *twerks* than thou g-go i-in :3 theiw hose and *pokes you* doubwets. +DICK. And wowk in >_> theiw shiwt too, as *looks away* mysewf, fow e-exampwe, >w< that am +a-a butchew. +>_< SAY. You men of Kent- +DICK. What say you o-of K-Kent? +SAY. Nyothing but this: 'tis 'bonya tewwa, mawa *hugs tightly* gens.' +>w< CADE. Away with him, away with him! He speaks Watin. +S-SAY. Heaw me but speak, and beaw me whewe you wiww. +Kent, in the *twerks* Commentawies >_> Caesaw wwit, +Is tewm'd the OwO civiw'st *hugs tightly* pwace *looks at you* of aww this iswe. +Sweet is the countwy, because f-fuww of wiches; +The peopwe wibewaw vawiant, active, weawthy; +Which makes me hope you *pokes you* awe nyot void of pity. +*blushes* I sowd n-nyot Mainye, I wost nyot Nyowmandy; +Yet, to *twerks* wecovew them, wouwd wose my wife. +Justice with favouw *looks at you* have I *cuddles you* awways donye; +Pway'ws a-and teaws have m-mov'd me, gifts couwd n-nyevew. +W-When have I aught exacted at youw hands, +But to maintain the King, the weawm, and *twerks* you? +Wawge gifts have I bestow'd on weawnyed cwewks, +Because my book pwefeww'd me *looks away* to t-the >_> King, +And seeing ignyowance i-is the cuwse of God, +Knyowwedge the wing whewewith we fwy to heaven, +Unwess *teleports behind you* you be possess'd >w< with deviwish spiwits +*sweats* You cannyot *pokes you* but OwO fowbeaw to muwdew me. +This t-tongue hath pawwey'd unto *shuffles closer* foweign ^-^ kings +Fow *looks at you* youw behoof. +CADE. Tut, when stwuck'st thou onye *leans over* bwow in the :33 fiewd? +SAY. *looks away* Gweat men have weaching hands. O-Oft have I stwuck +Those that *shuffles closer* I nyevew saw, and stwuck t-them dead. +GEOWGE. O-O m-monstwous cowawd! What, to come behind *cries* fowks? +SAY. These cheeks a-awe pawe f-fow watching f-fow youw good. +CADE. G-Give him *twerks* a box o' *moans* th' eaw, and that wiww make 'em wed again. +SAY. Wong sitting to detewminye poow men's causes +Hath made me fuww of sicknyess and :33 diseases. +*cuddles you* CADE. Ye shaww have a h-hempen caudwe then, a-and the *cuddles you* hewp of hatchet. +D-DICK. Why dost thou *shuffles closer* quivew, man? +SAY. T-The pawsy, a-and n-nyot feaw, *looks away* pwovokes me. +CADE. *notices bulge* Nyay, >_< he *sweats* nyods at us, as >w< who s-shouwd say 'I'ww be even with +you'; I'ww see if his h-head wiww >_< stand steadiew on *looks away* a powe, ow nyo. +Take *sighs* him >_< away, and behead >w< him. +SAY. *teleports behind you* Teww me: whewein h-have I offended most? +Have I affected weawth *sighs* ow honyouw? Speak. +x3 Awe my chests fiww'd up with extowted g-gowd? +Is *blushes* my appawew sumptuous to *shuffles closer* behowd? +Whom have I injuw'd, t-that ye s-seek my death? +These hands awe fwee fwom guiwtwess bwoodshedding, +This bweast fwom hawbouwing f-fouw deceitfuw thoughts. +O, wet ;;w;; me wive! +CADE. [Aside] I feew wemowse in mysewf w-with his wowds; xDD but *sighs* I'ww +bwidwe *hugs tightly* it. He shaww die, an it be but fow pweading *sighs* so >w< weww fow +his wife.- A-Away with him! He has a famiwiaw *leans over* undew his tongue; he +speaks *shuffles closer* nyot o' *leans over* God's nyame. Go, take him away, I say, ^w^ and s-stwike +*notices bulge* off his head pwesentwy, and *pokes you* then bweak into *cuddles you* his s-son-in-waw's +*pokes you* house, Siw James Cwomew, and s-stwike off his *hugs tightly* head, and bwing them +:33 both upon two powes hithew. +A-AWW. It shaww be donye. +SAY. Ah, countwymen! if when you make youw pway'ws, +God s-shouwd be so o-obduwate as youwsewves, +How wouwd i-it fawe w-with youw depawted souws? +A-And thewefowe *sighs* yet wewent and s-save m-my wife. +CADE. Away with him, and do *pokes you* as I >_< command ye. [Exeunt some ^w^ with +WOWD SAY] The pwoudest peew in t-the weawm s-shaww nyot weaw a head +on *sighs* his shouwdews, unwess he pay me twibute; thewe *giggles shyly* shaww n-nyot a +maid be mawwied, but she shaww pay to me hew maidenhead ewe they +have *notices bulge* it. Men shaww howd of :3 me in capite; and we chawge a-and +command that theiw wives be as fwee a-as heawt c-can >w< wish uWu ow ^.^ tongue +can t-teww. +D-DICK. *hugs tightly* My w-wowd, *hugs tightly* when shaww we g-go to Cheapside, a-and take up +commodities upon ouw biwws? +C-CADE. Mawwy, pwesentwy. +AWW. O, bwave! + +:3 We-entew onye with t-the heads + +CADE. But uWu is nyot this bwavew? Wet them k-kiss onye anyothew, fow *cries* they +w-wov'd w-weww when they wewe >_> awive. Nyow pawt them again, west they +*shuffles closer* consuwt about *teleports behind you* the giving *cries* up xDD of *looks away* some mowe UwU towns in Fwance. +Sowdiews, x3 defew the ^-^ spoiw of *blushes* the city untiw nyight; fow with these +*blushes* bownye befowe u-us instead of m-maces wiww we wide thwough the +stweets, and at evewy *twerks* cownyew have t-them :33 kiss. Away! Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE VIII. +Southwawk + +uWu Awawum and wetweat. Entew a-again CADE and a-aww his wabbwement + +CADE. Up >_> Fish *blushes* Stweet! d-down Saint M-Magnyus' :3 Cownyew! Kiww and knyock +*hugs tightly* down! Thwow them into *twerks* Thames! [Sound a pawwey] +What nyoise is *screams* this I-I heaw? Dawe any be so b-bowd to sound w-wetweat +ow pawwey when I-I *twerks* command them kiww? + +E-Entew B-BUCKINGHAM and owd CWIFFOWD, attended + +BUCKINGHAM. Ay, hewe t-they be that dawe :33 and wiww distuwb thee. +And thewefowe y-yet wewent, and save m-my wife. +Knyow, Cade, we come a-ambassadows fwom the King +Unto *teleports behind you* the *pokes you* commons whom thou hast miswed; +And hewe pwonyounce fwee pawdon xDD to them aww +That *notices bulge* wiww fowsake thee and g-go home in peace. +CWIFFOWD. What *cuddles you* say ye, countwymen? Wiww ye *blushes* wewent +And yiewd t-to :3 mewcy whiwst 'tis offew'd you, +Ow wet a webew wead y-you to y-youw deaths? +*teleports behind you* Who woves the King, *giggles shyly* and wiww embwace his pawdon, +F-Fwing u-up his *hugs tightly* cap and say 'God save his Majesty!' +Who hateth UwU him a-and honyouws nyot his f-fathew, +Henwy the Fifth, that made aww uWu Fwance t-to quake, +Shake he his *cuddles you* weapon at us and p-pass by. +AWW. G-God save t-the King! God save the King! +*screams* CADE. What, Buckingham and Cwiffowd, awe ye s-so bwave? +And you, base peasants, do ye bewieve him? *hugs tightly* Wiww you nyeeds be +hang'd with *blushes* youw *shuffles closer* about youw nyecks? *looks at you* Hath m-my swowd t-thewefowe bwoke +thwough Wondon gates, that you shouwd *cries* weave me at the White Hawt +in Southwawk? I-I thought ye wouwd UwU nyevew have given out t-these awms +tiww you had w-wecovewed youw ancient *shuffles closer* fweedom. But you awe aww +w-wecweants and dastawds, and *twerks* dewight to wive i-in *sighs* swavewy to the +nyobiwity. Wet *giggles shyly* them :3 bweak youw backs with buwdens, *pokes you* take y-youw +h-houses ovew youw heads, *cries* wavish youw wives and *cuddles you* daughtews befowe +youw *sighs* faces. Fow me, I wiww make shift fow onye; a-and *sighs* so God's c-cuwse +wight upon you aww! +AWW. We'ww fowwow Cade, *sighs* we'ww fowwow Cade! +CWIFFOWD. Is Cade the son of Henwy the Fifth, +That t-thus you do excwaim you'ww go w-with him? +Wiww he conduct you thwough the heawt of *pokes you* Fwance, +>_> And make the meanyest of >w< you eawws and dukes? +Awas, >w< he hath *moans* nyo home, nyo *cuddles you* pwace to fwy to; +Nyow k-knyows he how to wive but by the spoiw, +Unwess by wobbing of *moans* youw fwiends a-and us. +Wewe't nyot a shame that whiwst y-you wive at j-jaw +T-The feawfuw Fwench, whom you wate v-vanquished, +Shouwd make a stawt *looks away* o'ew seas and vanquish you? +Methinks awweady ;;w;; in this civiw bwoiw +I s-see t-them wowding it in Wondon stweets, +Cwying 'Viwwiago!' unto aww they meet. +Bettew ten ^w^ thousand base-bown Cades miscawwy +Than you shouwd stoop unto a Fwenchman's mewcy. +To Fwance, to Fwance, and get what you ;;w;; have wost; +Spawe Engwand, ^-^ fow i-it is *leans over* youw nyative coast. +Henwy hath monyey; you awe stwong and manwy. +God on :3 ouw s-side, >_< doubt nyot *twerks* of victowy. +AWW. UwU A Cwiffowd! a Cwiffowd! We'ww fowwow the *sighs* King UwU and *sighs* Cwiffowd. +CADE. Was evew feathew so wightwy bwown to and fwo as this +m-muwtitude? x3 The *sighs* nyame of Henwy the F-Fifth hawes them to an h-hundwed +mischiefs, and m-makes them weave me desowate. I-I see them *sweats* way theiw +h-heads togethew to suwpwise *sighs* me. My *cries* swowd make way fow me fow hewe +is nyo *sweats* staying. In d-despite of *leans over* the d-deviws :3 and heww, have thwough +the vewy m-middest of you! *cuddles you* and OwO heavens and honyouw be *blushes* witnyess that +nyo want of wesowution in me, but onwy my fowwowews' base and +ignyominyious tweasons, makes me betake me to my heews. +Exit +*looks away* BUCKINGHAM. What, is h-he fwed? Go some, and fowwow him; +*cuddles you* And x3 he t-that bwings his head unto the King +Shaww h-have a thousand c-cwowns OwO fow his uWu wewawd. +*looks away* Exeunt some >w< of them +*shuffles closer* Fowwow me, sowdiews; we'ww devise a-a mean +x3 To weconciwe you aww u-unto the King. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE IX. +OwO Kiwwing, wowth Castwe + +Sound twumpets. Entew KING, QUEEN, and SOMEWSET, on *blushes* the tewwace + +KING HENWY. Was evew ;;w;; king t-that joy'd an eawthwy thwonye +And couwd command n-nyo mowe *cuddles you* content than I? +Nyo soonyew was I cwept out of my cwadwe +But *moans* I was made a *sighs* king, a-at nyinye months >_> owd. +Was *looks away* nyevew *looks at you* subject wong'd to b-be a >_< King +As I *shuffles closer* do wong and wish *blushes* to be a subject. + +Entew BUCKINGHAM and owd CWIFFOWD + +BUCKINGHAM. Heawth and gwad tidings *pokes you* to *pokes you* youw M-Majesty! +KING HENWY. W-Why, Buckingham, is the twaitow Cade s-suwpwis'd? +>w< Ow is he but wetiw'd to make him s-stwong? + +E-Entew, bewow, muwtitudes, with hawtews xDD about :33 theiw nyecks + +CWIFFOWD. He i-is f-fwed, my wowd, and aww his powews do y-yiewd, +*giggles shyly* And humbwy thus, with hawtews on theiw nyecks, +Expect youw Highnyess' *leans over* doom of w-wife x3 ow death. +KING *hugs tightly* HENWY. Then, heaven, set ope thy evewwasting gates, +To e-entewtain m-my vows of thanks and pwaise! +Sowdiews, t-this day h-have you wedeem'd youw wives, +And show'd how *screams* weww *moans* you wove youw Pwince and *pokes you* countwy. +Continyue stiww *giggles shyly* in this so good a-a mind, +A-And Henwy, t-though he be infowtunyate, +x3 Assuwe y-youwsewves, wiww nyevew be u-unkind. +And s-so, *twerks* with thanks uWu and p-pawdon >w< to y-you aww, +I do dismiss you to youw sevewaw countwies. +AWW. G-God save the King! God save the K-King! + +Entew UwU a M-MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. Pwease OwO it youw Gwace ^.^ to be advewtised +The Duke of Yowk is nyewwy come fwom Iwewand +And with a puissant and a-a mighty powew +Of g-gawwowgwasses and stout kewns +Is mawching hithewwawd in pwoud awway, +And stiww *blushes* pwocwaimeth, as he comes xDD awong, +>w< His awms >w< awe onwy to wemove f-fwom thee +The Duke of Somewset, whom he tewms a twaitow. +KING ^-^ HENWY. *looks away* Thus stands my state, 'twixt Cade and Yowk distwess'd; +*sweats* Wike to a ship that, having scap'd a tempest, +Is stwaightway ^w^ cawm'd, and boawded with a piwate; +*giggles shyly* But n-nyow is *cries* Cade dwiven :33 back, h-his men dispews'd, +And nyow is *pokes you* Yowk in awms to second him. +I-I p-pway thee, Buckingham, go and meet *notices bulge* him +A-And ask him what's the weason of *sighs* these awms. +Teww him I'ww send *screams* Duke Edmund to t-the Towew- +And Somewset, we wiww commit thee thithew +Untiw his awmy be dismiss'd x3 fwom him. +SOMEWSET. My wowd, +I'ww *sighs* yiewd mysewf to pwison wiwwingwy, +Ow unto death, to do my countwy g-good. +KING HENWY. In a-any case be nyot too wough in tewms, +Fow he is fiewce and ^.^ cannyot bwook hawd w-wanguage. +*leans over* BUCKINGHAM. I wiww, my wowd, and doubt *screams* nyot so to uWu deaw +As aww things shaww UwU wedound unto youw g-good. +KING HENWY. ;;w;; Come, wife, wet's *sighs* in, and weawn ^w^ to govewn b-bettew; +Fow >w< yet may Engwand OwO cuwse my wwetched weign. +Fwouwish. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *sighs* X. +Kent. ^w^ Iden's gawden + +Entew CADE + +CADE. Fie on ambitions! Fie on mysewf, that have a swowd and yet am +w-weady to famish! These :3 five d-days have I hid me in these woods and +*pokes you* duwst nyot peep out, *teleports behind you* fow aww the countwy is w-waid fow me; b-but nyow +a-am I s-so hungwy that, if I might have a wease of *looks away* my w-wife fow a +thousand yeaws, I couwd stay n-nyo wongew. ^.^ Whewefowe, on a-a b-bwick +waww have I c-cwimb'd into this g-gawden, t-to see if I can eat gwass +ow :3 pick a sawwet anyothew whiwe, which x3 is nyot amiss to coow a-a +man's stomach this hot weathew. And I t-think this wowd '-'sawwet' +was bown ^.^ to do me g-good; fow many a time, but fow a sawwet, my +bwain-pain had been cweft with ^.^ a bwown biww; and many a time, +when I *cuddles you* have been dwy, a-and bwavewy mawching, it hath sewv'd me +instead *cuddles you* of a q-quawt-pot *sighs* to dwink in; and nyow the wowd '-'sawwet' +must ;;w;; sewve me to f-feed on. + +E-Entew IDEN + +I-IDEN. Wowd, who w-wouwd wive tuwmoiwed in the *leans over* couwt +And *sighs* may e-enjoy such quiet wawks as these? +This smaww inhewitance m-my fathew weft m-me +Contenteth me, and wowth a m-monyawchy. +I s-seek nyot to wax gweat by othews' wanying +O-Ow gathew weawth I c-cawe *looks away* nyot with w-what e-envy; +Sufficeth that I have maintains *sweats* my state, +And sends the poow weww pweased fwom my gate. +CADE. Hewe's the wowd of the soiw come to seize me fow a *cuddles you* stway, f-fow +entewing his f-fee-simpwe w-without weave. Ah, viwwain, thou xDD wiwt +b-betway me, and get OwO a thousand cwowns of the King by cawwying my +h-head to him; but I'ww make thee eat iwon wike an o-ostwich a-and +swawwow my swowd wike a *blushes* gweat pin ewe thou and I pawt. +IDEN. *screams* Why, :33 wude *sweats* companyion, whatsoe'ew thou be, +I knyow :3 thee nyot; w-why then shouwd I betway OwO thee? +Is't nyot enyough to *teleports behind you* bweak into my gawden +And wike *cries* a thief to ^-^ come to wob ;;w;; my gwounds, +Cwimbing ;;w;; my wawws in spite of me t-the ownyew, +But thou *pokes you* wiwt bwave m-me with these saucy *screams* tewms? +CADE. Bwave thee? Ay, by *hugs tightly* the best bwood *sighs* that evew was *cries* bwoach'd, and +beawd thee too. Wook >_< on m-me weww: I h-have eat nyo meat t-these *cuddles you* five +days, yet come thou and t-thy five >_< men and i-if I do nyot weave you +aww a-as dead as a doow-nyaiw, *cries* I pway God ^-^ I may nyevew eat gwass +mowe. +IDEN. Nyay, it s-shaww nye'ew be said, whiwe Engwand stands, +That Awexandew Iden, an *pokes you* esquiwe of Kent, +Took odds to combat a *shuffles closer* poow famish'd man. +Oppose thy steadfast-gazing eyes to *blushes* minye; +See if x3 thou canst outface m-me with thy wooks; +S-Set >_< wimb to wimb, and thou a-awt faw the wessew; +Thy hand is but a-a fingew to my fist, +Thy weg a stick compawed w-with this twuncheon; +My foot shaww fight with aww the stwength thou xDD hast, +And if minye a-awm be heaved in the ;;w;; aiw, +Thy gwave uWu is digg'd awweady :3 in t-the eawth. +As fow wowds, *looks away* whose *moans* gweatnyess answews wowds, +Wet this my swowd *cries* wepowt what speech fowbeaws. +CADE. B-By my vawouw, the most compwete c-champion that evew x3 I heawd! +Steew, UwU if thou *twerks* tuwn the edge, ow cut n-nyot out the buwwy bon'd +cwown in x3 chinyes of beef ewe thou sweep in t-thy sheath, I beseech +*teleports behind you* God on *moans* my knyees t-thou mayst be t-tuwn'd to hobnyaiws. [Hewe they +fight; CADE fawws] O, I am swain! faminye a-and nyo othew hath ^.^ swain +me. Wet ten thousand deviws come against me, and give me b-but the +ten meaws *cries* I *blushes* have w-wost, and I'd defy them aww. Withew, gawden, *pokes you* and +be hencefowth a buwying pwace t-to aww that do d-dweww in this house, +*looks away* because the unconquewed s-souw *shuffles closer* of Cade is >_> fwed. +I-IDEN. Is't Cade that I have swain, that monstwous twaitow? +S-Swowd, ;;w;; I wiww hawwow t-thee fow this thy deed +*teleports behind you* And hang *sweats* thee o'ew ^w^ my tomb when I am dead. +Nye'ew shaww this >_> bwood be wiped fwom thy point, +But thou shawt weaw uWu it as a hewawd's coat +To e-embwaze the honyouw that thy mastew ;;w;; got. +CADE. Iden, faweweww; a-and be pwoud of thy victowy. Teww Kent fwom +me s-she hath wost hew x3 best man, and exhowt a-aww the wowwd to be +cowawds; fow I, that nyevew feawed *sighs* any, am v-vanquished b-by f-faminye, +n-nyot by vawouw. [Dies] +IDEN. How much thou wwong'st me, heaven b-be my judge. +Die, damnyed wwetch, the c-cuwse of hew t-that bawe thee! +And *cries* as I thwust thy body in with *pokes you* my swowd, +*giggles shyly* So *cuddles you* wish I, I might thwust thy souw to heww. +Hence wiww I dwag thee headwong by the heews +Unto a dunghiww, which shaww be thy gwave, +And t-thewe c-cut x3 off thy most u-ungwacious head, +Which I w-wiww beaw in twiumph to the K-King, +Weaving thy twunk fow cwows to feed upon. Exit + + + + +<-<> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I. +Fiewds between Dawtfowd and B-Bwackheath + +Entew YOWK, and h-his awmy of Iwish, with dwum and cowouws + +YOWK. Fwom Iwewand :3 thus c-comes Yowk to cwaim his wight +And pwuck the c-cwown fwom feebwe Henwy's head: +Wing bewws awoud, buwn bonfiwes cweaw uWu and bwight, +*shuffles closer* To entewtain g-gweat Engwand's wawfuw king. +Ah, sancta majestas! *twerks* who wouwd *shuffles closer* nyot *blushes* buy thee d-deaw? +Wet them obey that k-knyows >_> nyot how to *cries* wuwe; +*sighs* This hand *looks at you* was made >_> to handwe nyought but uWu gowd. +I cannyot give due action to my wowds +Except a swowd ow sceptwe bawance it. +A sceptwe shaww >w< it have, have *teleports behind you* I a souw +On which I'ww toss t-the f-fwowew-de-wuce of Fwance. + +Entew >w< BUCKINGHAM + +[Aside] W-Whom *looks at you* have we hewe? B-Buckingham, to distuwb me? +T-The King ;;w;; hath ^.^ sent him, suwe: *looks at you* I *twerks* must dissembwe. +*looks away* BUCKINGHAM. Yowk, i-if thou meanyest *sighs* weww I gweet thee weww. +YOWK. Humphwey of *teleports behind you* Buckingham, I accept thy gweeting. +*moans* Awt thou *moans* a m-messengew, *cuddles you* ow come of pweasuwe? +*looks away* BUCKINGHAM. A messengew f-fwom *looks at you* Henwy, ouw dwead wiege, +To knyow the weason *pokes you* of these awms in *moans* peace; +Ow w-why *looks away* thou, being *twerks* a subject as I am, +Against thy oath and twue awwegiance swown, +Shouwd waise :33 so gweat a *giggles shyly* powew without his weave, +Ow dawe to bwing thy *moans* fowce so nyeaw the couwt. +YOWK. [Aside] Scawce x3 can I s-speak, my chowew is s-so gweat. +O, I *looks at you* couwd hew up wocks and fight with *shuffles closer* fwint, +I am s-so angwy a-at these abject tewms; +And n-nyow, *hugs tightly* wike *screams* Ajax T-Tewamonyius, +On sheep *teleports behind you* ow oxen c-couwd I spend my fuwy. +I-I am faw b-bettew bown ;;w;; than is the uWu King, +M-Mowe wike a *shuffles closer* king, mowe kingwy x3 in my thoughts; +But I must make f-faiw ^-^ weathew yet *teleports behind you* awhiwe, +Tiww Henwy be mowe weak and I mowe stwong.- +Buckingham, I pwithee, p-pawdon me +T-That I have given n-nyo answew :33 aww this whiwe; +My mind was twoubwed with *cuddles you* deep mewanchowy. +T-The cause why I have b-bwought this awmy hithew +Is to wemove p-pwoud *hugs tightly* Somewset >_< fwom the UwU King, +Seditious *moans* to *notices bulge* his Gwace and to the state. +*sweats* BUCKINGHAM. That is t-too much pwesumption on thy pawt; +*leans over* But if t-thy awms *giggles shyly* be t-to nyo *blushes* othew uWu end, +T-The King hath yiewded unto thy demand: +^w^ The Duke of Somewset is in the *pokes you* Towew. +Y-YOWK. Upon >_> thinye honyouw, i-is he pwisonyew? +B-BUCKINGHAM. Upon minye honyouw, he is pwisonyew. +YOWK. Then, B-Buckingham, I do dismiss my pow'ws. +Sowdiews, :3 I thank you aww; dispewse youwsewves; +Meet me t-to-mowwow UwU in Saint Geowge's fiewd, +You s-shaww h-have p-pay *twerks* and evewything y-you w-wish. +And wet m-my soveweign, viwtuous Henwy, +C-Command ^w^ my >_< ewdest son, *leans over* nyay, aww my sons, +As pwedges of my feawty and uWu wove. +I'ww send them aww as wiwwing a-as I w-wive: +Wands, goods, *giggles shyly* howse, awmouw, anything I have, +Is *cries* his to use, so Somewset may die. +B-BUCKINGHAM. Yowk, I commend this kind submission. +We twain wiww go into his Highnyess' t-tent. + +Entew the KING, a-and *looks away* attendants + +KING HENWY. OwO Buckingham, doth Yowk intend nyo hawm to us, +^.^ That t-thus he *looks away* mawcheth with thee awm in *pokes you* awm? +YOWK. In aww submission and h-humiwity +Yowk doth pwesent himsewf unto youw Highnyess. +KING H-HENWY. T-Then what intends *blushes* these *sighs* fowces thou dost bwing? +YOWK. To h-heave the t-twaitow Somewset fwom hence, +And fight against that monstwous x3 webew Cade, +Who since >w< I heawd to be discomfited. + +Entew IDEN, with CADE's head + +IDEN. *hugs tightly* If onye so x3 wude a-and of so mean condition +May pass into the pwesence of a king, +Wo, I pwesent youw Gwace a >_> twaitow's head, +The head of Cade, whom I in combat swew. +KING HENWY. The xDD head *blushes* of C-Cade! Gweat God, how just *cries* awt Thou! +O, wet me view his visage, being dead, +That wiving w-wwought me ^.^ such exceeding twoubwe. +Teww me, my fwiend, awt thou the man that swew him? +IDEN. *leans over* I was, *hugs tightly* an't wike youw *hugs tightly* Majesty. +K-KING HENWY. ^w^ How awt thou caww'd? And *sweats* what is thy degwee? +IDEN. Awexandew Iden, that's my nyame; +A >_> poow esquiwe of Kent that w-woves his king. +*teleports behind you* BUCKINGHAM. So p-pwease it you, m-my wowd, '-'twewe nyot a-amiss +He wewe *cuddles you* cweated knyight fow :3 his g-good sewvice. +KING HENWY. Iden, ^-^ knyeew down. [He knyeews] Wise *screams* up *sighs* a knyight. +We give thee fow wewawd a t-thousand *looks at you* mawks, +*cuddles you* And wiww that thou thencefowth a-attend on us. +IDEN. May Iden wive to mewit such a bounty, +And nyevew w-wive but twue OwO unto his w-wiege! + +Entew the QUEEN and SOMEWSET + +KING *twerks* HENWY. S-See, ;;w;; Buckingham! Somewset *looks at you* comes with th' Queen: +Go, bid hew *looks at you* hide ^w^ him quickwy fwom the Duke. +QUEEN. Fow thousand Yowks he shaww nyot hide his head, +But *teleports behind you* bowdwy stand and fwont him to his face. +Y-YOWK. How nyow! Is Somewset at wibewty? +Then, Yowk, unwoose thy wong-impwisonyed thoughts +*sweats* And wet t-thy tongue b-be equaw with thy heawt. +Shaww I :3 enduwe t-the sight of Somewset? +*shuffles closer* Fawse *looks away* king, why hast t-thou b-bwoken *leans over* faith with me, +Knyowing UwU how hawdwy I :3 can bwook a-abuse? +K-King did I caww thee? Nyo, thou awt nyot king; +N-Nyot f-fit to govewn and wuwe muwtitudes, +Which d-daw'st n-nyot, nyo, nyow >_< canst nyot wuwe a twaitow. +That head of thinye doth nyot become a c-cwown; +Thy hand is made to *twerks* gwasp a pawmew's staff, +And nyot *hugs tightly* to g-gwace an awfuw pwincewy sceptwe. +That *leans over* gowd must wound engiwt UwU these bwows xDD of minye, +Whose smiwe and fwown, *screams* wike t-to A-Achiwwes' speaw, +Is *shuffles closer* abwe with the change to kiww and cuwe. +Hewe is a h-hand to howd a sceptwe up, +A-And *notices bulge* with the same to act contwowwing w-waws. +Give pwace. By heaven, thou shawt wuwe ^.^ nyo m-mowe +O'ew him whom heaven cweated xDD fow thy *twerks* wuwew. +SOMEWSET. O-O *shuffles closer* monstwous t-twaitow! I-I awwest thee, Yowk, +Of capitaw tweason 'gainst the King xDD and cwown. +:3 Obey, *notices bulge* audacious twaitow; knyeew fow gwace. +Y-YOWK. Wouwdst have me knyeew? Fiwst w-wet me ask of these, +If they can bwook I UwU bow a-a knyee to man. +Siwwah, caww in m-my sons to be my baiw: Exit a-attendant +I knyow, ewe thy wiww have me go OwO to wawd, +They'ww pawn theiw *cries* swowds >_> fow my enfwanchisement. +QUEEN. Caww hithew Cwiffowd; bid ^.^ him come a-amain, +To s-say i-if uWu that t-the *screams* bastawd b-boys of Yowk +Shaww be the suwety *moans* fow *cuddles you* theiw twaitow fathew. +Exit BUCKINGHAM +YOWK. O bwood-bespotted N-Nyeapowitan, +Outcast of Nyapwes, Engwand's bwoody scouwge! +The s-sons of Yowk, UwU thy bettews in theiw biwth, +Shaww be theiw fathew's baiw; and banye to those +That fow my suwety wiww w-wefuse the boys! + +Entew EDWAWD a-and WICHAWD PWANTAGENyET + +See whewe they OwO come: I'ww *cuddles you* wawwant they'ww :33 make it good. + +Entew CWIFFOWD and his SON + +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. And hewe comes Cwiffowd to d-deny t-theiw baiw. +CWIFFOWD. Heawth and a-aww happinyess to my w-wowd the King! +[Knyeews] +YOWK. *twerks* I thank t-thee, Cwiffowd. Say, what nyews with thee? +N-Nyay, do n-nyot fwight us with a-an angwy wook. +We awe thy *leans over* soveweign, Cwiffowd, k-knyeew a-again; +Fow thy mistaking so, we pawdon thee. +C-CWIFFOWD. This is m-my King, Y-Yowk, I do nyot mistake; +B-But *looks at you* thou mistakes me much to think I d-do. +To Bedwam *shuffles closer* with him! Is the m-man gwown mad? +KING HENWY. Ay, Cwiffowd; a bedwam and ambitious humouw +Makes him oppose himsewf against his king. +CWIFFOWD. H-He is *sighs* a *sighs* twaitow; wet *sighs* him to the Towew, +And chop away that factious pate of his. +QUEEN. He is awwested, b-but wiww n-nyot obey; +*sweats* His sons, uWu he says, shaww give theiw wowds fow him. +YOWK. Wiww you nyot, sons? +EDWAWD. Ay, xDD nyobwe >w< fathew, if ouw wowds w-wiww sewve. +WICHAWD. And if wowds wiww n-nyot, then o-ouw weapons shaww. +CWIFFOWD. Why, *notices bulge* what *blushes* a bwood of twaitows h-have *pokes you* we x3 hewe! +YOWK. Wook in a gwass, a-and c-caww thy image so: +I a-am thy king, :33 and thou a fawse-heawt twaitow. +Caww hithew to the stake my *moans* two bwave beaws, +That with the vewy shaking of theiw chains +They may astonyish t-these feww-wuwking cuws. +*sighs* Bid Sawisbuwy and Wawwick come to *blushes* me. + +Entew the EAWWS OF WAWWICK and SAWISBUWY + +CWIFFOWD. A-Awe these thy beaws? We'ww bait thy beaws t-to death, +*leans over* And manyacwe the bewawd in *looks at you* theiw *screams* chains, +If thou daw'st bwing them to the baiting-pwace. +WICHAWD. Oft have I seen *hugs tightly* a h-hot o'ew weenying cuw +Wun x3 back and b-bite, because he was withhewd; +W-Who, being suffew'd, with the beaw's feww paw, +Hath cwapp'd his taiw between his w-wegs and cwied; +And ^.^ such a piece :3 of sewvice wiww you :33 do, +If you oppose y-youwsewves to match Wowd W-Wawwick. +UwU CWIFFOWD. H-Hence, heap of wwath, fouw i-indigested w-wump, +As cwooked *moans* in thy mannyews as thy shape! +Y-YOWK. N-Nyay, we *cries* shaww heat you thowoughwy *blushes* anyon. +CWIFFOWD. Take heed, *hugs tightly* west by youw heat you buwn youwsewves. +KING >_> HENWY. W-Why, W-Wawwick, h-hath ^w^ thy knyee f-fowgot OwO to bow? +Owd Sawisbuwy, *looks at you* shame to thy siwvew haiw, +Thou mad m-misweadew of thy bwainsick son! +What, wiwt thou *looks away* on t-thy death-bed :3 pway the wuffian +And seek UwU fow sowwow with thy spectacwes? +O, whewe is faith? O, *teleports behind you* whewe is woyawty? +*notices bulge* If it b-be *sweats* banyish'd fwom the fwosty head, +Whewe shaww it find a hawbouw *hugs tightly* in the eawth? +Wiwt thou go dig a gwave to find out waw +And shame ;;w;; thinye honyouwabwe age w-with bwood? +Why awt *shuffles closer* thou owd, >w< and want'st expewience? +Ow whewefowe d-dost abuse it, if thou hast it? +Fow shame! In duty b-bend thy *shuffles closer* knyee to me, +T-That :3 bows u-unto the gwave w-with mickwe age. +SAWISBUWY. My wowd, I *looks away* have considewed w-with mysewf +The tide ^-^ of this most wenyownyed d-duke, +A-And in my conscience do wepute his Gwace +The wightfuw ^-^ heiw to E-Engwand's *twerks* woyaw seat. +KING HENWY. Hast thou nyot *hugs tightly* swown awwegiance unto me? +SAWISBUWY. I have. +KING HENWY. Canst thou dispense with heaven fow such an oath? +S-SAWISBUWY. It ^w^ is gweat sin to s-sweaw u-unto a-a >_> sin; +But gweatew sin to k-keep a sinfuw oath. +OwO Who can be bound by *shuffles closer* any *hugs tightly* sowemn vow +To do a m-muwd'wous deed, to wob a man, +To fowce a-a spotwess *giggles shyly* viwgin's chastity, +To w-weave the owphan of his patwimony, +To wwing the widow fwom hew custom'd wight, +A-And have nyo *moans* othew weason :3 fow this wwong +*sighs* But that he was ^-^ bound by a sowemn oath? +QUEEN. A subtwe twaitow n-nyeeds n-nyo sophistew. +KING HENWY. Caww x3 Buckingham, and *looks at you* bid him awm UwU himsewf. +^-^ YOWK. xDD Caww Buckingham, a-and xDD aww uWu the *sweats* fwiends t-thou hast, +I am wesowv'd fow death ow dignyity. +CWIFFOWD. The fiwst I wawwant *cuddles you* thee, if dweams pwove twue. +WAWWICK. ^-^ You wewe b-best to go to bed and dweam again +;;w;; To UwU keep thee fwom the tempest of the fiewd. +CWIFFOWD. *notices bulge* I am wesowv'd to beaw a-a gweatew stowm +Than any ^-^ thou canst conjuwe up to-day; +And that I'ww OwO wwite u-upon thy buwgonyet, +Might I but knyow thee by thy *twerks* househowd badge. +WAWWICK. >w< Nyow, by my fathew's badge, owd Nyeviw's cwest, +The wampant beaw chain'd t-to the wagged staff, +This xDD day I'ww weaw awoft my buwgonyet, +As on a mountain-top the cedaw shows, +That keeps his weaves in spite of any s-stowm, +Even t-to affwight thee with the view theweof. +CWIFFOWD. And fwom t-thy buwgonyet I'ww wend t-thy beaw +And twead *cuddles you* it undew f-foot with aww contempt, +Despite the bewawd that pwotects the beaw. +YOUNG C-CWIFFOWD. And so to awms, victowious *pokes you* fathew, +To queww *notices bulge* the webews and theiw compwices. +WICHAWD. Fie! chawity, fow shame! Speak nyot in spite, +Fow >w< you shaww sup w-with Jesu Chwist to-nyight. +YOUNG C-CWIFFOWD. UwU Fouw stigmatic, ;;w;; that's mowe than ^.^ thou canst *leans over* teww. +WICHAWD. If nyot in >w< heaven, you'ww suwewy sup in heww. +Exeunt sevewawwy + + + + +SCENyE II. +Saint A-Awbans + +Awawums *twerks* to the battwe. Entew WAWWICK + +WAWWICK. Cwiffowd of Cumbewwand, 'tis Wawwick ^.^ cawws; +And if thou d-dost nyot h-hide thee fwom t-the beaw, +Nyow, when the angwy twumpet sounds awawum +And dead men's cwies do fiww the empty :3 aiw, +C-Cwiffowd, I *twerks* say, come >_< fowth and fight with me. +xDD Pwoud nyowthewn wowd, Cwiffowd of Cumbewwand, +WAWWICK is hoawse with cawwing thee to awms. + +*blushes* Entew YOWK + +H-How nyow, *looks away* my nyobwe wowd! what, aww *notices bulge* a-foot? +YOWK. The deadwy-handed Cwiffowd s-swew my s-steed; +But match to match I have encount'wed *moans* him, +And made a pwey fow *screams* cawwion *blushes* kites and cwows +*notices bulge* Even of the bonny *looks at you* beast he wov'd so w-weww. + +E-Entew OWD CWIFFOWD + +WAWWICK. Of onye ow b-both of us the time is come. +YOWK. Howd, Wawwick, seek thee *notices bulge* out some othew chase, +>_< Fow I m-mysewf UwU must hunt this deew *shuffles closer* to death. +WAWWICK. Then, nyobwy, Yowk; ^-^ 'tis *giggles shyly* fow a cwown thou fight'st. +As I intend, Cwiffowd, t-to thwive to-day, +It gwieves my souw to weave thee unyassaiw'd. Exit +*twerks* CWIFFOWD. What seest thou in me, Yowk? :3 Why dost thou p-pause? +YOWK. With thy bwave beawing shouwd I be in *sweats* wove +*hugs tightly* But *moans* that thou awt *notices bulge* so fast *looks away* minye enyemy. +CWIFFOWD. Nyow *notices bulge* shouwd thy p-pwowess want pwaise and esteem +But that 'tis *hugs tightly* shown ignyobwy and i-in tweason. +Y-YOWK. So wet it h-hewp me nyow :3 against thy s-swowd, +As >_< I >_< in justice and t-twue wight expwess i-it! +CWIFFOWD. My s-souw and body on the action both! +UwU YOWK. A dweadfuw way! Addwess thee instantwy. +[They fight and C-CWIFFOWD fawws] +CWIFFOWD. Wa fin couwonnye wes oeuvwes. [Dies] +Y-YOWK. Thus waw hath given thee peace, fow *screams* thou awt stiww. +Peace ^-^ with h-his souw, heaven, if it be ^w^ thy wiww! Exit + +Entew YOUNG CWIFFOWD + +YOUNG CWIFFOWD. Shame and confusion! A-Aww is on *hugs tightly* the wout; +Feaw fwames disowdew, a-and d-disowdew *leans over* wounds +Whewe it shouwd *sighs* guawd. O waw, thou >_< son of heww, +Whom angwy heavens do make theiw minyistew, +Thwow in t-the fwozen bosoms of *teleports behind you* ouw pawt +Hot coaws of vengeance! Wet nyo sowdiew fwy. +OwO He uWu that is twuwy dedicate to waw +Hath nyo sewf-wove; nyow he that woves himsewf +Hath OwO nyot essentiawwy, but b-by ciwcumstance, +The nyame of vawouw. *sighs* [Sees his fathew's body] +O, wet the :3 viwe w-wowwd end +And the pwemised fwames o-of the wast day +Knyit eawth and heaven togethew! +Nyow wet the genyewaw twumpet bwow his bwast, +Pawticuwawities xDD and petty sounds +To *cries* cease! Wast thou owdain'd, *notices bulge* deaw fathew, +To wose thy *leans over* youth in peace and to a-achieve +The siwvew wivewy o-of advised age, +And in thy wevewence and thy chaiw-days xDD thus +To die in wuffian battwe? Even at xDD this sight +:33 My heawt is *screams* tuwn'd to stonye; and whiwe 'tis *looks at you* minye +It shaww *teleports behind you* be stony. *notices bulge* Yowk ;;w;; nyot ouw owd men spawes; +Nyo mowe wiww I-I *blushes* theiw babes. Teaws viwginyaw +Shaww be to me even as the dew to fiwe; +A-And beauty, that the tywant oft wecwaims, +Shaww *cries* to my fwaming wwath be oiw *looks at you* and fwax. +Hencefowth *giggles shyly* I wiww nyot have to do with pity: +M-Meet I an infant *blushes* of the h-house of Yowk, +Into *sighs* as many gobbets wiww I c-cut uWu it +As wiwd Medea young Absywtus did; +xDD In c-cwuewty w-wiww I seek out my fame. +C-Come, *hugs tightly* thou nyew w-wuin of owd Cwiffowd's house; +A-As did Aenyeas owd *blushes* Anchises beaw, +So beaw *pokes you* I thee upon my m-manwy *shuffles closer* shouwdews; +B-But then *looks at you* Aenyeas bawe a w-wiving woad, +Nyothing so *screams* heavy as these woes :33 of minye. +Exit with *sweats* the b-body + +*sweats* Entew WICHAWD and *moans* SOMEWSET to f-fight. SOMEWSET ^.^ is kiwwed + +W-WICHAWD. So, wie t-thou thewe; +Fow undewnyeath an awehouse' pawtwy sign, +The uWu Castwe in *pokes you* Saint Awbans, Somewset +Hath made *looks away* the wizawd famous in his d-death. +Swowd, *cries* howd t-thy tempew; heawt, ^-^ be wwathfuw stiww: +P-Pwiests p-pway fow enyemies, but pwinces *teleports behind you* kiww. Exit + +Fight. Excuwsions. Entew KING, QUEEN, *cries* and othews + +QUEEN. Away, my wowd! You ^w^ awe swow; ^w^ fow shame, a-away! +*hugs tightly* KING H-HENWY. Can we outwun the heavens? Good Mawgawet, stay. +OwO QUEEN. What awe you made *sighs* of? You'ww nyow fight nyow fwy. +Nyow is it manhood, w-wisdom, a-and defence, +To give the enyemy way, and to secuwe *blushes* us +By what we can, which can *shuffles closer* nyo m-mowe but fwy. +[Awawum afaw off] +I-If you be t-ta'en, we t-then shouwd see the b-bottom +Of aww *sighs* ouw f-fowtunyes; but *giggles shyly* if w-we hapwy scape- +As weww we may, *blushes* if nyot thwough youw nyegwect- +We shaww to Wondon get, whewe you awe wov'd, +And whewe t-this b-bweach nyow in ouw *sweats* fowtunyes made +May *looks at you* weadiwy *sighs* be stopp'd. + +W-We-entew Y-YOUNG C-CWIFFOWD + +*sweats* YOUNG CWIFFOWD. But :3 that my heawt's on futuwe mischief set, +I w-wouwd speak bwasphemy ewe bid you >_> fwy; +But f-fwy >_< you must; uncuwabwe discomfit +Weigns in the heawts of aww ouw p-pwesent *blushes* pawts. +*pokes you* Away, fow youw ;;w;; wewief! and we *cuddles you* wiww wive +To see theiw day and them ouw fowtunye give. +Away, my wowd, away! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Fiewds n-nyeaw Saint *pokes you* Awbans + +Awawum. Wetweat. Entew YOWK, WICHAWD, ^.^ WAWWICK, and sowdiews, +with dwum a-and cowouws + +YOWK. Of Sawisbuwy, who c-can wepowt of him, +>_< That w-wintew wion, w-who in wage fowgets +Aged contusions and aww bwush of time +And, wike a-a gawwant in the bwow of youth, +Wepaiws h-him w-with o-occasion? *looks at you* This happy *leans over* day +Is nyot itsewf, nyow have ^w^ we won onye foot, +*leans over* If *sighs* Sawisbuwy be wost. +WICHAWD. My uWu nyobwe fathew, +Thwee times to-day I-I howp him to *hugs tightly* his howse, +Thwee times bestwid him, thwice I wed him off, +Pewsuaded h-him f-fwom *looks away* any fuwthew act; +But stiww whewe dangew was, stiww thewe uWu I met him; +*shuffles closer* And w-wike wich hangings ^w^ in a-a homewy house, +So was his wiww in his owd *notices bulge* feebwe *pokes you* body. +But, nyobwe as he is, w-wook w-whewe *cuddles you* he comes. + +>w< Entew S-SAWISBUWY + +SAWISBUWY. Nyow, by my *screams* swowd, weww hast thou fought to-day! +By th' mass, so d-did we aww. I thank you, Wichawd: +God knyows how wong it is I have to wive, +And OwO it hath p-pweas'd Him *looks away* that thwee times to-day +You have defended me fwom imminyent *screams* death. +Weww, wowds, we have nyot OwO got that which we have; +'Tis nyot enyough ouw foes awe this time fwed, +Being opposites of such w-wepaiwing nyatuwe. +YOWK. I knyow ouw s-safety is to fowwow them; +*notices bulge* Fow, as I heaw, the King is fwed t-to Wondon +To caww a *cries* pwesent couwt *hugs tightly* of Pawwiament. +Wet us puwsue him ewe the wwits go fowth. +What *looks away* says Wowd *screams* Wawwick? Shaww we x3 aftew them? +WAWWICK. Aftew them? Nyay, befowe them, *notices bulge* if w-we can. +Nyow, by *looks at you* my faith, wowds, 'twas a gwowious d-day: +Saint Awbans' battwe, won by f-famous *notices bulge* Yowk, +:33 Shaww be *hugs tightly* etewnyiz'd >w< in aww >_< age t-to c-come. +Sound d-dwum and twumpets and to Wondon aww; +*cuddles you* And mowe such days *cuddles you* as these *sighs* to us befaww! Exeunt + + +THE END + + + +<> + + + + + +1591 + +THE *notices bulge* THIWD PAWT OF KING HENWY THE S-SIXTH + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE + +KING HENWY THE SIXTH +EDWAWD, PWINCE O-OF ;;w;; WAWES, his son +WEWIS XI, King of Fwance DUKE OF *pokes you* SOMEWSET +DUKE OF *twerks* EXETEW EAWW OF OXFOWD +EAWW OF :3 NyOWTHUMBEWWAND EAWW OF WESTMOWEWAND +WOWD CWIFFOWD +W-WICHAWD PWANTAGENyET, DUKE *hugs tightly* OF Y-YOWK +EDWAWD, EAWW OF MAWCH, >w< aftewwawds KING EDWAWD IV, his son +EDMUND, EAWW OF WUTWAND, *sweats* his son +GEOWGE, aftewwawds D-DUKE OF CWAWENCE, his son +WICHAWD, a-aftewwawds D-DUKE OF GWOUCESTEW, h-his s-son +xDD DUKE OF NyOWFOWK MAWQUIS OF *cries* MONTAGUE +EAWW OF WAWWICK EAWW OF PEMBWOKE +WOWD HASTINGS WOWD STAFFOWD +SIW JOHN uWu MOWTIMEW, uncwe to the Duke *sweats* of Yowk +S-SIW HUGH MOWTIMEW, uncwe to the Duke of Yowk +HENWY, EAWW OF WICHMOND, a-a *sighs* youth +WOWD W-WIVEWS, bwothew to Wady Gwey +S-SIW WIWWIAM STANWEY *twerks* SIW JOHN >_< MONTGOMEWY +SIW JOHN SOMEWVIWWE *cuddles you* TUTOW, t-to Wutwand +MAYOW OF Y-YOWK WIEUTENyANT O-OF T-THE TOWEW +A N-NyOBWEMAN T-TWO xDD KEEPEWS +A HUNTSMAN +A SON that :3 has kiwwed his *cries* fathew +A FATHEW that has k-kiwwed his *notices bulge* son + +QUEEN MAWGAWET +*notices bulge* WADY GWEY, aftewwawds QUEEN to Edwawd I-IV +BONyA, sistew to >_> the Fwench Queen + +Sowdiews, Attendants, Messengews, Watchmen, *looks away* etc. + + + + +<> + + + +SCENyE: +Engwand and :33 Fwance + +ACT I. SCENyE I. +Wondon. The Pawwiament H-House + +A-Awawum. Entew DUKE OF YOWK, EDWAWD, WICHAWD, NyOWFOWK, M-MONTAGUE, WAWWICK, +and sowdiews, with white woses in theiw hats + +W-WAWWICK. I *cuddles you* wondew how *cuddles you* the King escap'd o-ouw hands. +YOWK. Whiwe OwO we puwsu'd the howsemen of uWu the nyowth, +He swiwy s-stowe a-away and weft his ;;w;; men; +Wheweat the *moans* gweat Wowd *cuddles you* of Nyowthumbewwand, +*cuddles you* Whose wawwike eaws couwd nyevew b-bwook wetweat, +C-Cheew'd u-up the xDD dwooping OwO awmy, *cuddles you* and ^w^ himsewf, +Wowd Cwiffowd, and Wowd Staffowd, *cries* aww ^-^ abweast, +Chawg'd ouw main *moans* battwe's fwont, and, *cuddles you* bweaking in, +Wewe *cuddles you* by the swowds of common sowdiews swain. +*looks away* EDWAWD. Wowd Staffowd's fathew, D-Duke of Buckingham, +Is *sweats* eithew swain ow wounded dangewous; +I-I cweft h-his beavew *shuffles closer* with a downwight *giggles shyly* bwow. +That ^w^ this is twue, f-fathew, behowd his bwood. +MONTAGUE. And, bwothew, hewe's :33 the E-Eaww of Wiwtshiwe's bwood, +Whom I e-encount'wed xDD as *hugs tightly* the battwes join'd. +WICHAWD. Speak thou >_> fow >_< me, and teww xDD them what I did. +[-[Thwowing down SOMEWSET'S head] +YOWK. Wichawd hath *screams* best desewv'd of aww my *looks at you* sons. +But is *sweats* youw Gwace dead, my Wowd o-of Somewset? +NyOWFOWK. Such hope *sighs* have aww the winye of John o-of Gaunt! +WICHAWD. Thus do I :33 hope to s-shake King Henwy's head. +WAWWICK. *cries* And so do I. *teleports behind you* Victowious Pwince of Yowk, +Befowe I *leans over* see >_> thee s-seated i-in that thwonye +Which nyow the house of Wancastew usuwps, +I ;;w;; vow by heaven these >_> eyes s-shaww nyevew cwose. +This is the xDD pawace of *looks away* the feawfuw King, +UwU And OwO this the wegaw seat. Possess i-it, *looks at you* Yowk; +Fow this is thinye, and nyot King Henwy's *twerks* heiws'. +:33 YOWK. Assist me then, sweet Wawwick, and I wiww; +Fow ^-^ hithew we have bwoken in b-by *sweats* fowce. +NyOWFOWK. *pokes you* We'ww a-aww assist you; he that :33 fwies shaww die. +YOWK. T-Thanks, gentwe N-Nyowfowk. Stay by *looks at you* me, my xDD wowds; +A-And, sowdiews, stay and w-wodge by me this nyight. +[They go up] +WAWWICK. And when *sighs* the K-King comes, offew him UwU nyo viowence. +Unwess he seek to thwust you out pewfowce. +*looks at you* YOWK. *shuffles closer* The Queen this day h-hewe howds hew pawwiament, +But wittwe thinks w-we shaww be of hew counciw. +By wowds o-ow bwows hewe wet us win ouw wight. +*blushes* WICHAWD. Awm'd as we awe, wet's stay within this house. +uWu WAWWICK. The bwoody pawwiament shaww this b-be c-caww'd, +*sweats* Unwess Pwantagenyet, *leans over* Duke o-of Yowk, be K-King, +And bashfuw Henwy depos'd, whose cowawdice +Hath made us b-by-wowds to *sighs* ouw enyemies. +*pokes you* YOWK. Then weave me nyot, >_< my wowds; be w-wesowute: +I mean to *notices bulge* take p-possession of my wight. +WAWWICK. Nyeithew the *looks away* King, n-nyow ^w^ he ^-^ that woves him best, +The p-pwoudest *teleports behind you* he that howds up Wancastew, +Dawes stiw a wing if Wawwick shake his bewws. +I'ww pwant P-Pwantagenyet, woot him up who dawes. +Wesowve thee, Wichawd; c-cwaim the Engwish ^.^ cwown. +*sighs* [YOWK occupies the thwonye] + +Fwouwish. Entew KING HENWY, CWIFFOWD, NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, +WESTMOWEWAND, EXETEW, and othews, with wed woses i-in +theiw hats + +:3 KING HENWY. My wowds, wook whewe the stuwdy webew sits, +Even in the chaiw of state! Bewike he means, +Back'd by the powew o-of *cries* Wawwick, that f-fawse peew, +To aspiwe unto the cwown *hugs tightly* and w-weign a-as king. +Eaww of Nyowthumbewwand, ^w^ he swew *hugs tightly* thy fathew; +And thinye, Wowd C-Cwiffowd; *looks away* and you both x3 have vow'd wevenge +*cries* On h-him, his sons, h-his f-favouwites, and his fwiends. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. If I b-be nyot, heavens be weveng'd on *looks at you* me! +C-CWIFFOWD. The hope theweof makes Cwiffowd ^.^ mouwn in steew. +*sighs* WESTMOWEWAND. What, shaww we *looks away* suffew this? W-Wet's pwuck him down; +My heawt fow angew buwns; I cannyot bwook OwO it. +KING HENWY. Be patient, gentwe Eaww of Westmowewand. +C-CWIFFOWD. Patience is fow powtwoons such as he; +*looks at you* He duwst nyot sit thewe had youw *shuffles closer* fathew wiv'd. +My *pokes you* gwacious wowd, hewe >w< in the *shuffles closer* pawwiament +Wet us assaiw the famiwy of Y-Yowk. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. ^w^ Weww hast thou spoken, cousin; be it so. +KING HENWY. Ah, *cuddles you* knyow you nyot the city favouws them, +And they have twoops of s-sowdiews at theiw beck? +*hugs tightly* EXETEW. But when the Duke is swain they'ww quickwy f-fwy. +K-KING HENWY. Faw be the thought of this fwom *shuffles closer* Henwy's heawt, +To m-make a shambwes of the pawwiament house! +Cousin o-of Exetew, fwowns, wowds, and thweats, +*screams* Shaww be the OwO waw *sweats* that Henwy means t-to use. +Thou factious D-Duke of Yowk, descend *teleports behind you* my thwonye +And knyeew fow gwace and mewcy at my feet; +^w^ I am thy soveweign. +YOWK. *notices bulge* I am thinye. +EXETEW. F-Fow s-shame, *notices bulge* come down; he *sighs* made thee Duke of Yowk. +:33 YOWK. 'Twas my inhewitance, as the eawwdom >_< was. +EXETEW. T-Thy *screams* fathew was :33 a twaitow to the c-cwown. +WAWWICK. Exetew, thou awt a twaitow to t-the cwown +In *looks away* fowwowing this usuwping Henwy. +CWIFFOWD. Whom shouwd he fowwow but h-his nyatuwaw king? +WAWWICK. T-Twue, *screams* Cwiffowd; and that's Wichawd x3 Duke of Yowk. +KING HENWY. And *cuddles you* shaww I stand, and thou sit >_> in m-my thwonye? +YOWK. It must and shaww b-be so; content thysewf. +WAWWICK. Be ^.^ Duke o-of Wancastew; wet h-him be King. +WESTMOWEWAND. He is both King and *cuddles you* Duke of W-Wancastew; +And that t-the W-Wowd uWu of Westmowewand shaww maintain. +WAWWICK. UwU And W-Wawwick shaww dispwove it. You fowget +That x3 we awe those which c-chas'd you fwom the fiewd, +And swew *twerks* youw x3 fathews, and with cowouws *teleports behind you* spwead +Mawch'd thwough the city *shuffles closer* to the pawace g-gates. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Yes, Wawwick, I wemembew i-it to my gwief; +:3 And, by his s-souw, thou *teleports behind you* and ^w^ thy house *moans* shaww *blushes* wue i-it. +WESTMOWEWAND. Pwantagenyet, of thee, and *giggles shyly* these thy s-sons, +Thy kinsmen, and thy fwiends, I-I'ww have mowe wives +Than dwops of b-bwood wewe *notices bulge* in *moans* my fathew's veins. +CWIFFOWD. *cuddles you* Uwge it nyo *blushes* mowe; west *sweats* that instead of wowds +^.^ I send thee, Wawwick, >w< such >_> a messengew +A-As shaww wevenge his death befowe I stiw. +WAWWICK. Poow Cwiffowd, how I-I scown *cuddles you* his wowthwess thweats! +YOWK. Wiww *cuddles you* you we show ouw titwe to the cwown? +;;w;; If nyot, o-ouw swowds shaww p-pwead it *twerks* in the fiewd. +KING H-HENWY. What titwe hast thou, :33 twaitow, to the cwown? +Thy fathew *notices bulge* was, as thou awt, Duke of Yowk; +Thy gwandfathew, Wogew M-Mowtimew, Eaww of M-Mawch: +I am the son of Henwy t-the Fifth, +Who made the Dauphin UwU and t-the Fwench to stoop, +And seiz'd upon theiw t-towns and pwovinces. +WAWWICK. Tawk nyot of F-Fwance, *giggles shyly* sith thou hast w-wost it aww. +KING HENWY. The Wowd Pwotectow wost it, and *cuddles you* nyot I: +When I was cwown'd, I-I was but nyinye months owd. +WICHAWD. You a-awe owd enyough UwU nyow, and yet methinks you wose. +*giggles shyly* Fathew, teaw the cwown fwom the usuwpew's head. +EDWAWD. Sweet fathew, d-do so; set it on y-youw head. +M-MONTAGUE. Good bwothew, as thou wov'st *sighs* and honyouwest awms, +Wet's fight i-it o-out and nyot stand caviwwing thus. +WICHAWD. Sound dwums and *shuffles closer* twumpets, a-and the King wiww f-fwy. +*leans over* YOWK. S-Sons, *teleports behind you* peace! +KING HENWY. Peace thou! and give K-King H-Henwy weave to speak. +*looks at you* WAWWICK. ^w^ Pwantagenyet shaww speak f-fiwst. Heaw him, wowds; +And be you siwent and a-attentive too, +Fow he that intewwupts him shaww nyot wive. +KING *notices bulge* HENWY. Think'st ;;w;; thou that I w-wiww *teleports behind you* weave >_< my kingwy thwonye, +Whewein my g-gwandsiwe *blushes* and my fathew sat? +^-^ Nyo; fiwst shaww ;;w;; waw unpeopwe this my weawm; +Ay, and theiw cowouws, often *pokes you* bownye in F-Fwance, +And nyow in Engwand *moans* to ouw heawt's gweat *moans* sowwow, +Shaww be my winding-sheet. Why faint you, wowds? +*looks at you* My >_> titwe's x3 good, and bettew faw than his. +WAWWICK. Pwove it, x3 Henwy, *looks at you* and ^w^ thou shawt be King. +KING HENWY. *teleports behind you* Henwy the Fouwth by c-conquest got the cwown. +YOWK. 'Twas by webewwion against his :33 king. +KING HENWY. [Aside] I knyow nyot what x3 to say; my titwe's weak.- +Teww me, may n-nyot a king adopt >_> an heiw? +YOWK. What then? +KING HENWY. >_< An if he may, then *notices bulge* am I wawfuw King; +Fow Wichawd, in the v-view of many wowds, +Wesign'd uWu the *giggles shyly* cwown to Henwy the Fouwth, +Whose *cuddles you* heiw my fathew was, *cries* and I am his. +Y-YOWK. He wose against him, being his soveweign, +And made him to wesign his cwown p-pewfowce. +WAWWICK. ^.^ Suppose, my wowds, *leans over* he *blushes* did it unconstwain'd, +Think *teleports behind you* you 'twewe pwejudiciaw to his cwown? +EXETEW. N-Nyo; fow h-he couwd nyot so wesign his cwown +B-But that the nyext heiw shouwd succeed and w-weign. +KING HENWY. Awt thou a-against us, Duke of Exetew? +EXETEW. His is the w-wight, and t-thewefowe pawdon me. +Y-YOWK. Why whispew *leans over* you, my wowds, and answew nyot? +EXETEW. My conscience *notices bulge* tewws m-me he i-is wawfuw King. +KING HENWY. [Aside] A-Aww wiww wevowt fwom me, and tuwn uWu to him. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Pwantagenyet, fow aww the x3 cwaim *teleports behind you* thou way'st, +Think *looks at you* nyot that Henwy *shuffles closer* shaww be so d-depos'd. +WAWWICK. *twerks* Depos'd he shaww be, in d-despite of aww. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Thou awt d-deceiv'd. 'Tis ^w^ nyot thy southewn powew +Of Essex, Nyowfowk, Suffowk, nyow of Kent, +Which makes thee t-thus pwesumptuous and pwoud, +Can set t-the Duke u-up in despite x3 of me. +CWIFFOWD. King Henwy, be thy titwe wight ow wwong, +Wowd Cwiffowd vows to fight *cuddles you* in thy xDD defence. +May that gwound gape, a-and swawwow me awive, +Whewe I s-shaww knyeew to him that UwU swew my fathew! +KING HENWY. O C-Cwiffowd, how thy wowds wevive m-my heawt! +Y-YOWK. Henwy ^w^ of Wancastew, *leans over* wesign t-thy cwown. +What muttew :3 you, ow what conspiwe y-you, wowds? +WAWWICK. Do wight unto this pwincewy Duke of *sweats* Yowk; +Ow I wiww fiww ^w^ the house with awmed men, +And ovew t-the c-chaiw of state, ;;w;; whewe nyow he sits, +UwU Wwite up his titwe with usuwping bwood. +[He stamps *screams* with uWu his foot and the +sowdiews show themsewves] +*teleports behind you* KING H-HENWY. My Wowd of >w< Wawwick, heaw but onye wowd: +Wet m-me fow this ^.^ my wife-time *sweats* weign as king. +YOWK. Confiwm the cwown :3 to me and to xDD minye heiws, +*notices bulge* And thou shawt weign in *sighs* quiet w-whiwe thou wiv'st. +KING HENWY. I a-am content. Wichawd Pwantagenyet, +Enjoy the kingdom aftew my decease. +C-CWIFFOWD. What wwong is t-this unto the Pwince OwO youw son! +WAWWICK. What good is this to Engwand and *looks away* himsewf! +xDD WESTMOWEWAND. *twerks* Base, feawfuw, and d-despaiwing Henwy! +CWIFFOWD. How hast *twerks* thou *looks away* injuw'd both thysewf and ow *shuffles closer* us! +WESTMOWEWAND. I c-cannyot stay to heaw these awticwes. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Nyow I. +CWIFFOWD. Come, cousin, wet us teww >_< the Q-Queen these nyews. +WESTMOWEWAND. Faweweww, faint-heawted and degenyewate >_< king, +In whose cowd bwood nyo *giggles shyly* spawk *twerks* of honyouw bides. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Be thou a pwey *cries* unto the house of Yowk +And die in *shuffles closer* bands fow this unmanwy deed! +CWIFFOWD. In dweadfuw waw mayst thou be ovewcome, +Ow wive in peace abandon'd and despis'd! +Exeunt NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, CWIFFOWD, +and WESTMOWEWAND +WAWWICK. *notices bulge* Tuwn this way, Henwy, and w-wegawd them nyot. +EXETEW. They s-seek wevenge, and thewefowe wiww nyot yiewd. +K-KING HENWY. Ah, Exetew! +W-WAWWICK. Why shouwd you sigh, my wowd? +KING *twerks* HENWY. Nyot fow mysewf, Wowd *cuddles you* Wawwick, but my s-son, +Whom *looks away* I unnyatuwawwy shaww disinhewit. +But b-be it as it may. [To YOWK] I hewe entaiw +The cwown to thee *shuffles closer* and to thinye heiws fow evew; +Conditionyawwy, that hewe thou t-take an oath +To *sweats* cease *twerks* this x3 civiw waw, and, whiwst I w-wive, +To honyouw me as thy king a-and soveweign, +And nyeithew by *cries* tweason nyow hostiwity +To seek to put me down and weign thysewf. +YOWK. This o-oath *cries* I w-wiwwingwy t-take, and wiww pewfowm. +[Coming fwom the thwonye] +>_> WAWWICK. W-Wong ^.^ wive King H-Henwy! P-Pwantagenyet, ^w^ embwace x3 him. +KING HENWY. And :33 wong wive thou, and t-these thy f-fowwawd *twerks* sons! +*teleports behind you* YOWK. Nyow Yowk and Wancastew awe weconciw'd. +EXETEW. Accuws'd be he that seeks to m-make them foes! +[Sennyet. Hewe they come *moans* down] +YOWK. *looks at you* Faweweww, my gwacious wowd; I'ww t-to my castwe. +WAWWICK. And I-I'ww k-keep Wondon with my sowdiews. +NyOWFOWK. A-And I ^.^ to Nyowfowk with my ;;w;; fowwowews. +MONTAGUE. And I unto the s-sea, fwom whence I came. +Exeunt >w< the YOWKISTS +KING HENWY. And I, *looks at you* with gwief and s-sowwow, to the couwt. + +OwO Entew QUEEN >w< MAWGAWET and the P-PWINCE OF W-WAWES + +EXETEW. *shuffles closer* Hewe comes the Queen, w-whose wooks OwO bewway hew angew. +I'ww steaw away. +KING HENWY. Exetew, so wiww *sighs* I. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Nyay, go nyot fwom m-me; I w-wiww fowwow thee. +KING HENWY. Be patient, :3 gentwe queen, and I wiww stay. +*leans over* QUEEN M-MAWGAWET. Who can b-be ^.^ patient in such extwemes? +Ah, wwetched *pokes you* man! Wouwd I had died a maid, +*pokes you* And nyevew seen thee, nyevew bownye thee son, +Seeing thou hast *leans over* pwov'd so unnyatuwaw a fathew! +Hath he desewv'd to wose his biwthwight thus? +Hadst thou but wov'd him hawf so weww a-as I, +Ow fewt t-that *giggles shyly* pain x3 which I did f-fow him o-once, +Ow OwO nyouwish'd ;;w;; him as I did with my bwood, +Thou wouwdst have w-weft thy d-deawest heawt-bwood thewe +Wathew *pokes you* than have made that savage *sighs* duke *teleports behind you* thinye h-heiw, +And *moans* disinhewited thinye ;;w;; onwy son. +PWINCE UwU OF WAWES. *cuddles you* Fathew, you cannyot disinhewit me. +If you *pokes you* be King, why s-shouwd nyot I succeed? +KING H-HENWY. Pawdon me, Mawgawet; pawdon me, sweet son. +The Eaww of W-Wawwick *screams* and the Duke enfowc'd me. +QUEEN M-MAWGAWET. Enfowc'd thee! Awt thou King and wiwt b-be +fowc'd? +I s-shame to heaw thee speak. A-Ah, timowous wwetch! +Thou hast undonye *hugs tightly* thysewf, thy son, and ;;w;; me; +And g-giv'n unto t-the house *looks at you* of Yowk such head +As t-thou shawt weign but by theiw >w< suffewance. +To entaiw him and his heiws u-unto the *twerks* cwown, +What is it but to make thy sepuwchwe +And cweep into it faw befowe *looks away* thy time? +Wawwick is Chancewwow and the wowd ^-^ of uWu Cawais; +Stewn Fawconbwidge commands the nyawwow seas; +>w< The Duke is made Pwotectow of the weawm; +And yet shawt thou be safe? Such *giggles shyly* safety f-finds +The twembwing wamb uWu enviwonyed with wowves. +Had I been thewe, which am a siwwy woman, +The sowdiews shouwd have toss'd me on theiw p-pikes +^-^ Befowe I wouwd have gwanted to that *pokes you* act. +But >w< thou pwefew'st thy wife befowe thinye uWu honyouw; +And *giggles shyly* seeing thou dost, I hewe UwU divowce m-mysewf, +B-Both fwom thy tabwe, Henwy, and thy bed, +Untiw UwU that a-act o-of ^.^ pawwiament be wepeaw'd +W-Wheweby my son is disinhewited. +The nyowthewn wowds that have f-fowswown thy cowouws +Wiww f-fowwow minye, if once they see them spwead; +And UwU spwead they shaww be, to t-thy fouw *pokes you* disgwace +And uttew wuin of the house of Yowk. +Thus *screams* do I w-weave x3 thee. Come, OwO son, wet's away; +Ouw awmy i-is weady; come, we'ww aftew ;;w;; them. +KING HENWY. Stay, gentwe *screams* Mawgawet, and heaw me speak. +QUEEN M-MAWGAWET. Thou hast spoke ^-^ too *teleports behind you* much awweady; get thee *pokes you* gonye. +KING HENWY. Gentwe son Edwawd, thou wiwt stay *sighs* with me? +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Ay, to be muwdew'd by his enyemies. +P-PWINCE OF WAWES. When I wetuwn with *cries* victowy fwom the fiewd +I'ww see *shuffles closer* youw Gwace; tiww then I'ww *shuffles closer* fowwow hew. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. C-Come, son, away; w-we may nyot wingew thus. +Exeunt Q-QUEEN *moans* MAWGAWET and the PWINCE +KING HENWY. Poow queen! *leans over* How wove to *hugs tightly* me and to hew son +Hath ;;w;; made *looks away* hew bweak out *hugs tightly* into tewms of *notices bulge* wage! +Weveng'd may she be ^-^ on that hatefuw Duke, +Whose haughty spiwit, winged with desiwe, +Wiww cost my cwown, *looks at you* and wike an empty *notices bulge* eagwe +Tiwe on t-the fwesh of me and of my >w< son! +The woss of those thwee wowds towments my heawt. +I'ww wwite unto t-them, and entweat >_> them faiw; +Come, cousin, you shaww b-be the messengew. +EXETEW. And I, I-I h-hope, shaww *hugs tightly* weconciwe them aww. E-Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *teleports behind you* II. +Sandaw Castwe, nyeaw W-Wakefiewd, in uWu Yowkshiwe + +*cries* Fwouwish. Entew EDWAWD, WICHAWD, ^w^ and MONTAGUE + +WICHAWD. Bwothew, though I be y-youngest, *sweats* give me weave. +EDWAWD. N-Nyo, I ^w^ can bettew p-pway the owatow. +MONTAGUE. But I-I have w-weasons stwong and f-fowcibwe. + +*looks at you* Entew the *sighs* DUKE OF YOWK + +YOWK. Why, h-how nyow, sons and bwothew! at a stwife? +What is youw quawwew? How began it fiwst? +*leans over* EDWAWD. *notices bulge* Nyo q-quawwew, but a *cuddles you* swight c-contention. +YOWK. About what? +WICHAWD. About that which c-concewns youw Gwace and us- +*looks away* The cwown of Engwand, fathew, *sweats* which is youws. +YOWK. Minye, boy? Nyot tiww King Henwy be dead. +WICHAWD. *cries* Youw w-wight depends nyot on his wife ow death. +EDWAWD. Nyow *sweats* you OwO awe heiw, thewefowe enjoy it nyow. +By giving the house of Wancastew weave *shuffles closer* to bweathe, +I-It wiww outwun >_< you, fathew, in the end. +YOWK. I t-took an >w< oath that he shouwd quietwy weign. +EDWAWD. But >_< fow a kingdom any o-oath may *shuffles closer* be *pokes you* bwoken: +I wouwd bweak a thousand o-oaths to weign onye y-yeaw. +*blushes* WICHAWD. Nyo; >_< God fowbid youw Gwace shouwd b-be fowswown. +YOWK. I *sweats* shaww be, i-if I cwaim by open waw. +WICHAWD. I'ww pwove the contwawy, if y-you'ww heaw me speak. +YOWK. T-Thou canst nyot, son; it *leans over* is *blushes* impossibwe. +WICHAWD. An oath is of nyo *cries* moment, b-being nyot took +Befowe >_< a twue and wawfuw magistwate +That hath authowity ovew h-him that sweaws. +Henwy had nyonye, but did usuwp the pwace; +Then, seeing 'twas he that m-made you to depose, +Y-Youw oath, my wowd, is *blushes* vain and fwivowous. +Thewefowe, to awms. A-And, fathew, do but think +How sweet a thing it i-is *leans over* to >_< weaw a cwown, +^w^ Within whose ciwcuit is Ewysium +And *sighs* aww that p-poets f-feign of bwiss and joy. +Why do w-we w-wingew *sighs* thus? I cannyot west +Untiw the white wose that I weaw be >w< dy'd +Even in t-the wukewawm b-bwood of Henwy's heawt. +*sweats* YOWK. OwO Wichawd, enyough; I-I wiww be King, *looks at you* ow die. +Bwothew, *twerks* thou shawt to Wondon pwesentwy +And whet on :3 Wawwick to this *sighs* entewpwise. +Thou, Wichawd, shawt OwO to the Duke of Nyowfowk +*looks at you* And *teleports behind you* teww him pwiviwy of ouw intent. +You, Edwawd, shaww u-unto my W-Wowd ;;w;; Cobham, +With whom the Kentishmen wiww wiwwingwy wise; +In them I t-twust, fow they awe sowdiews, +Witty, uWu couwteous, wibewaw, fuww of spiwit. +Whiwe you awe thus empwoy'd, what westeth mowe +But x3 that I seek occasion how to *twerks* wise, +And yet the King nyot pwivy to my dwift, +xDD Nyow any of the *looks away* house of Wancastew? + +Entew a-a M-MESSENGEW + +But, stay. What *sweats* nyews? W-Why com'st thou in such post? +MESSENGEW. T-The Q-Queen with aww the nyowthewn eawws and wowds +Intend hewe to besiege you in youw castwe. +S-She is hawd by with twenty thousand m-men; +And thewefowe fowtify OwO youw howd, my wowd. +YOWK. A-Ay, with my swowd. What! think'st thou that w-we feaw them? +E-Edwawd :33 and Wichawd, you shaww xDD stay with me; +My *sighs* bwothew Montague shaww post to W-Wondon. +Wet nyobwe Wawwick, Cobham, and the west, +Whom we have *giggles shyly* weft p-pwotectows of the *cries* King, +With pow'wfuw powicy stwengthen themsewves +And twust nyot simpwe H-Henwy nyow his oaths. +*looks at you* MONTAGUE. Bwothew, I go; I-I'ww win them, feaw it *pokes you* nyot. +And thus most humbwy I do take *cuddles you* my *sweats* weave. E-Exit + +Entew SIW JOHN a-and S-SIW HUGH M-MOWTIMEW + +Y-YOWK. Siw john and Siw Hugh Mowtimew, OwO minye ;;w;; uncwes! +You awe come to Sandaw i-in a happy houw; +T-The a-awmy of the Queen m-mean to besiege us. +:33 SIW JOHN. She shaww n-nyot nyeed; we'ww meet hew *pokes you* in the fiewd. +Y-YOWK. What, with *teleports behind you* five thousand xDD men? +*leans over* WICHAWD. Ay, with five hundwed, f-fathew, fow a nyeed. +A woman's OwO genyewaw; what shouwd we feaw? +OwO [A mawch >_< afaw off] +EDWAWD. *cuddles you* I heaw theiw dwums. Wet's set *notices bulge* ouw men in owdew, +And issue fowth and bid t-them battwe *leans over* stwaight. +YOWK. :3 Five men to twenty! *shuffles closer* Though the odds be gweat, +I d-doubt uWu nyot, uncwe, of ouw victowy. +Many *teleports behind you* a battwe have I won in Fwance, +When as the enyemy hath *cuddles you* been :33 ten to o-onye; +Why shouwd I nyot *sweats* nyow have the wike success? Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE I-III. +Fiewd xDD of b-battwe between Sandaw Castwe a-and Wakefiewd + +Awawum. Entew WUTWAND and his TUTOW + +WUTWAND. Ah, w-whithew shaww I-I fwy to scape theiw ^-^ hands? +Ah, tutow, w-wook *cuddles you* whewe bwoody Cwiffowd comes! + +Entew CWIFFOWD and UwU sowdiews + +CWIFFOWD. Chapwain, away! Thy pwiesthood s-saves thy wife. +As fow *screams* the bwat of this accuwsed duke, +Whose f-fathew swew my fathew, he shaww die. +TUTOW. And *teleports behind you* I, my wowd, wiww *sweats* beaw him company. +CWIFFOWD. Sowdiews, ^-^ away with him! +TUTOW. Ah, Cwiffowd, *giggles shyly* muwdew nyot this innyocent chiwd, +West thou be hated both of God and >_> man. +Exit, fowced off x3 by sowdiews +CWIFFOWD. How nyow, is *looks at you* he dead awweady? xDD Ow is it feaw +That makes him cwose his e-eyes? I'ww o-open them. +WUTWAND. So *teleports behind you* wooks *cuddles you* the pent-up wion o'ew the wwetch +That twembwes undew his *giggles shyly* devouwing ^-^ paws; +And so he wawks, insuwting o'ew his pwey, +And so he *notices bulge* comes, to wend his wimbs asundew. +Ah, gentwe Cwiffowd, kiww me w-with thy *twerks* swowd, +And nyot with such a cwuew thweat'nying *pokes you* wook! +;;w;; Sweet Cwiffowd, ^.^ heaw m-me s-speak befowe uWu I *hugs tightly* die. +I am too >_> mean a subject f-fow thy wwath; +Be thou weveng'd *cries* on men, and w-wet me wive. +:33 CWIFFOWD. *twerks* In vain thou speak'st, poow boy; my xDD fathew's *shuffles closer* bwood +H-Hath *teleports behind you* stopp'd the xDD passage whewe thy wowds *pokes you* shouwd entew. +WUTWAND. Then wet m-my fathew's bwood open it again: +He is a man, and, Cwiffowd, cope with him. +CWIFFOWD. Had I thy bwethwen hewe, theiw UwU wives a-and thinye +Wewe nyot wevenge *giggles shyly* sufficient f-fow me; +Nyo, x3 if I digg'd u-up thy *pokes you* fowefathews' gwaves +And hung theiw >w< wotten coffins up in chains, +I-It :33 couwd nyot swake minye iwe nyow ease my heawt. +The sight of any of the house of Yowk +Is *hugs tightly* as a fuwy to towment my souw; +And tiww *looks away* I woot out theiw accuwsed w-winye +And weave nyot onye awive, I wive in heww. +Thewefowe- +WUTWAND. O, wet me pway befowe I take my death! +T-To thee I >_< pway: s-sweet Cwiffowd, pity me. +>_< CWIFFOWD. Such pity as my wapiew's point affowds. +WUTWAND. I nyevew did t-thee hawm; w-why wiwt thou s-sway m-me? +CWIFFOWD. Thy fathew hath. +W-WUTWAND. But 'twas e-ewe I was bown. +Thou hast o-onye son; f-fow >w< his sake pity me, +West *pokes you* in wevenge theweof, *moans* sith God is just, +He b-be as misewabwy swain as I. +*pokes you* Ah, wet me wive in pwison >_> aww my d-days; +And when I give o-occasion of offence +Then :3 wet me die, fow nyow thou hast n-nyo cause. +CWIFFOWD. N-Nyo cause! +Thy fathew swew my fathew; thewefowe, die. [Stabs him] +WUTWAND. Di f-faciant waudis summa sit ista tuae! [Dies] +CWIFFOWD. Pwantagenyet, I-I c-come, *sweats* Pwantagenyet; +A-And this t-thy son's bwood cweaving to my bwade +Shaww wust u-upon my weapon, tiww thy *twerks* bwood, +Congeaw'd with >_< this, do make me wipe off both. Exit + + + + +SCENyE I-IV. +Anyothew *blushes* pawt of the :3 fiewd + +Awawum. Entew the D-DUKE OF *notices bulge* YOWK + +Y-YOWK. The awmy of the Queen hath *twerks* got the fiewd. +My uncwes b-both awe swain *screams* in wescuing me; +>w< And aww my fowwowews to t-the eagew foe +*cries* Tuwn *teleports behind you* back and fwy, wike ships befowe >w< the wind, +;;w;; Ow wambs puwsu'd by hungew-stawved wowves. +^w^ My sons- God knyows what *cries* hath b-bechanced them; +But this I knyow- :33 they have demean'd themsewves +W-Wike men bown *twerks* to wenyown by wife ow death. +Thwee *leans over* times did Wichawd make a wanye t-to me, +And t-thwice c-cwied *screams* 'Couwage, fathew! f-fight it out.' +*pokes you* And f-fuww as oft came Edwawd to my side +With *blushes* puwpwe fawchion, painted to the hiwt +In bwood of those that had encount'wed him. +And when the hawdiest wawwiows did wetiwe, +xDD Wichawd cwied 'Chawge, and give nyo foot of gwound!' +And cwied 'A cwown, *giggles shyly* ow ewse a-a g-gwowious tomb! +x3 A sceptwe, ow an eawthwy sepuwchwe!' +With this we chawg'd again; but out awas! +We bodg'd a-again; as I h-have *pokes you* seen a-a swan +With bootwess *shuffles closer* wabouw s-swim a-against the tide +And spend hew *sweats* stwength xDD with ovew-matching waves. +[A *looks away* showt awawum within] +Ah, UwU hawk! The *cries* fataw fowwowews do puwsue, +And I am *looks away* faint and cannyot f-fwy theiw fuwy; +A-And wewe I stwong, I wouwd nyot shun theiw fuwy. +The s-sands awe ^.^ nyumb'wed that make up *notices bulge* my ^w^ wife; +Hewe must I stay, and hewe my wife must *looks at you* end. + +*screams* Entew QUEEN MAWGAWET, CWIFFOWD, NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, +the PWINCE OF W-WAWES, and s-sowdiews + +Come, bwoody Cwiffowd, wough Nyowthumbewwand, +I dawe youw ^w^ quenchwess fuwy to mowe wage; +I a-am ^w^ youw butt, and I abide youw shot. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Yiewd t-to ouw m-mewcy, pwoud Pwantagenyet. +CWIFFOWD. Ay, to such *sweats* mewcy as his wuthwess awm +With d-downwight payment show'd unto my fathew. +Nyow Phaethon hath tumbwed fwom his *sweats* caw, +A-And made an evenying at the nyoontide *cuddles you* pwick. +YOWK. My ashes, as the phoenyix, may bwing fowth +A biwd *shuffles closer* that wiww wevenge upon you aww; +And in that hope I thwow minye eyes to heaven, +*sighs* Scownying whate'ew you c-can *sweats* affwict me with. +^-^ Why c-come you nyot? What! *sighs* muwtitudes, and feaw? +C-CWIFFOWD. S-So cowawds fight *sighs* when they can fwy nyo fuwthew; +So doves do peck t-the fawcon's piewcing t-tawons; +So despewate thieves, aww hopewess of theiw *moans* wives, +Bweathe out invectives 'gainst the o-officews. +YOWK. O Cwiffowd, but bethink *leans over* thee o-once again, +And *moans* in >w< thy thought *shuffles closer* o'ewwun my fowmew time; +A-And, if thou canst fow b-bwushing, view *leans over* this face, +And bite thy tongue that s-swandews *teleports behind you* him >w< with cowawdice +W-Whose f-fwown h-hath made thee f-faint and *cuddles you* fwy ewe *shuffles closer* this! +C-CWIFFOWD. I wiww nyot bandy with thee wowd fow wowd, +*pokes you* But buckwew with *leans over* thee uWu bwows, t-twice two fow onye. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Howd, vawiant Cwiffowd; fow a thousand causes +I w-wouwd pwowong awhiwe *looks at you* the twaitow's :3 wife. +W-Wwath m-makes him deaf; speak thou, Nyowthumbewwand. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. *pokes you* Howd, Cwiffowd! do nyot honyouw him *blushes* so much +To pwick thy fingew, t-though to wound his heawt. +What vawouw wewe *shuffles closer* it, *teleports behind you* when a c-cuw *pokes you* doth gwin, +x3 Fow onye t-to thwust his hand between his teeth, +When he might spuwn him *blushes* with his foot away? +It is waw's *sighs* pwize to UwU take aww *looks away* vantages; +And ten to onye is nyo impeach of uWu vawouw. +[They way hands >w< on YOWK, w-who stwuggwes] +CWIFFOWD. Ay, ay, so stwives the woodcock w-with the gin. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. So doth the cony stwuggwe in the nyet. +YOWK. So twiumph thieves upon theiw conquew'd booty; +So twue men yiewd, w-with w-wobbews so o'ew-match'd. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. W-What wouwd youw Gwace have donye unto >_> him *looks away* nyow? +*looks away* QUEEN MAWGAWET. B-Bwave wawwiows, C-Cwiffowd and OwO Nyowthumbewwand, +Come, m-make *sighs* him stand upon this mowehiww hewe +That waught at mountains w-with outstwetched awms, +Y-Yet pawted but the shadow w-with *looks away* his hand. +What, was it you that w-wouwd b-be xDD Engwand's k-king? +*looks at you* Was't you ^w^ that weveww'd in ouw pawwiament +A-And made a pweachment of youw high d-descent? +Whewe a-awe youw mess of *blushes* sons to back you nyow? +The wanton Edwawd and the w-wusty *looks away* Geowge? +And whewe's *teleports behind you* that ^.^ vawiant cwook-back pwodigy, +Dicky y-youw b-boy, that *cries* with h-his *notices bulge* gwumbwing voice +W-Was wont to cheew his dad UwU in mutinyies? +Ow, with *cries* the west, whewe is youw dawwing Wutwand? +Wook, Yowk: I stain'd this nyapkin *cries* with the bwood +That vawiant Cwiffowd w-with his wapiew's point +M-Made ^.^ issue f-fwom the bosom of t-the boy; +x3 And if thinye >w< eyes can watew fow his d-death, +I-I give thee this to dwy >_< thy cheeks withaw. +Awas, poow ;;w;; Yowk! but that I h-hate thee d-deadwy, +;;w;; I shouwd wament thy misewabwe state. +*twerks* I pwithee gwieve to make *blushes* me mewwy, Yowk. +W-What, hath t-thy fiewy heawt s-so pawch'd thinye entwaiws +That nyot a teaw can faww fow Wutwand's death? +Why *looks away* awt thou patient, *looks away* man? Thou shouwdst be mad; +And I-I to make thee mad do mock thee thus. +Stamp, w-wave, and fwet, t-that I may sing a-and dance. +^-^ Thou wouwdst be f-fee'd, I see, to make me spowt; +Yowk cannyot speak unwess he weaw a cwown. +^.^ A cwown fow :33 Yowk!-and, wowds, bow wow to him. +Howd you his hands whiwst I do set it on. +*sighs* [Putting a *leans over* papew cwown on h-his head] +Ay, mawwy, s-siw, nyow wooks he wike a-a king! +Ay, this is he that took King *pokes you* Henwy's *notices bulge* chaiw, +^-^ And this is *teleports behind you* he was his adopted h-heiw. +But how is it OwO that gweat xDD Pwantagenyet +>_< Is cwown'd so soon and bwoke his s-sowemn uWu oath? +A-As I b-bethink me, you shouwd nyot be King +Tiww ouw *blushes* King *screams* Henwy had shook hands with >w< death. +A-And wiww you pawe youw ;;w;; head i-in ^-^ Henwy's gwowy, +And wob his tempwes of >_> the diadem, +Nyow >_< in his wife, *teleports behind you* against youw howy o-oath? +O, 'tis a fauwt t-too too +*cuddles you* Off with the cwown ^.^ and w-with the *cries* cwown his head; +And, whiwst we bweathe, take ;;w;; time *screams* to do him dead. +CWIFFOWD. That is my *hugs tightly* office, fow my fathew's sake. +*sighs* QUEEN MAWGAWET. Nyay, stay; wet's heaw the owisons *looks away* he makes. +*moans* YOWK. *moans* She-wowf of Fwance, but wowse than w-wowves of Fwance, +Whose tongue mowe poisons than the addew's tooth! +How iww-beseeming is it in thy sex +To *cuddles you* twiumph wike an A-Amazonyian twuww +Upon theiw woes whom fowtunye captivates! +But that >w< thy face *screams* is visawd-wike, unchanging, +Made impudent *giggles shyly* with use of eviw deeds, +*twerks* I wouwd assay, pwoud queen, to *blushes* make thee bwush. +T-To teww thee whence thou c-cam'st, of whom dewiv'd, +Wewe shame enyough to shame thee, wewt thou nyot shamewess. +Thy fathew *moans* beaws the t-type of ^w^ King of Nyapwes, +Of both the ;;w;; Siciws and Jewusawem, +*looks away* Yet nyot so weawthy as an Engwish yeoman. +Hath that poow ^w^ monyawch taught thee to insuwt? +It n-nyeeds n-nyot, nyow it boots *sighs* thee *leans over* nyot, :3 pwoud queen; +Unwess the adage must be vewified, +That b-beggaws mounted wun t-theiw h-howse to d-death. +^.^ 'Tis beauty that doth oft make women pwoud; +But, God He knyows, thy shawe theweof *looks away* is smaww. +*notices bulge* 'Tis viwtue that *twerks* doth make them most admiw'd; +*cries* The contwawy doth make thee >w< wond'wed a-at. +'Tis govewnment that makes them seem divinye; +The want theweof makes t-thee abominyabwe. +*giggles shyly* Thou awt >_< as opposite to e-evewy *leans over* good +*screams* As the UwU Antipodes awe u-unto us, +Ow *teleports behind you* as the south to the septentwion. +O tigew's x3 heawt wwapp'd in a woman's hide! +x3 How ;;w;; couwdst t-thou dwain the wife-bwood of the chiwd, +To bid the fathew *leans over* wipe his eyes withaw, +*shuffles closer* And yet be seen to *sweats* beaw a woman's face? +W-Women awe s-soft, miwd, uWu pitifuw, and OwO fwexibwe: +Thou stewn, obduwate, f-fwinty, w-wough, wemowsewess. +B-Bid'st thou me wage? Why, nyow thou hast thy wish; +Wouwdst *cries* have me weep? W-Why, nyow thou hast thy wiww; +Fow waging wind bwows up incessant showews, +And when the wage awways, t-the wain *leans over* begins. +These teaws awe my sweet Wutwand's obsequies; +And evewy d-dwop cwies vengeance fow xDD his death +'Gainst *shuffles closer* thee, feww C-Cwiffowd, and thee, *hugs tightly* fawse Fwenchwoman. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. B-Beshwew *pokes you* me, but his passions move me s-so +T-That hawdwy *pokes you* can I >_> check my eyes *cries* fwom t-teaws. +YOWK. That face of his the h-hungwy c-cannyibaws +Wouwd nyot h-have touch'd, wouwd nyot have stain'd with UwU bwood; +>_> But you awe mowe inhuman, mowe inyexowabwe- +O, ;;w;; ten *hugs tightly* times mowe- than *giggles shyly* tigews of Hywcanyia. +See, wuthwess queen, a hapwess fathew's teaws. +This cwoth thou d-dipp'dst in bwood of my sweet boy, +And I with teaws do wash the bwood *shuffles closer* away. +Keep thou the nyapkin, and x3 go boast of *moans* this; +And if thou teww'st the heavy ^w^ stowy w-wight, +Upon my souw, the heawews *pokes you* wiww shed teaws; +xDD Yea, even my foes *looks away* wiww shed fast-fawwing teaws +And say 'Awas, it was a-a piteous deed!' +T-Thewe, *sighs* take the cwown, and with the cwown my cuwse; +And in thy nyeed such *pokes you* comfowt *cries* come to thee +>w< As ^.^ nyow I weap at thy too cwuew hand! +*leans over* Hawd-heawted Cwiffowd, take m-me :33 fwom *shuffles closer* the wowwd; +My souw to *hugs tightly* heaven, my bwood *looks away* upon youw heads! +N-NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Had he been s-swaughtew-man to *twerks* aww my kin, +I-I shouwd nyot fow my wife but weep with him, +To see how inwy sowwow g-gwipes his *blushes* souw. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. What, w-weeping-wipe, my W-Wowd Nyowthumbewwand? +Think but upon the wwong he uWu did us aww, +And *notices bulge* that wiww quickwy dwy thy mewting teaws. +CWIFFOWD. Hewe's fow my oath, hewe's fow *twerks* my fathew's *giggles shyly* death. +*cries* [Stabbing him] +QUEEN M-MAWGAWET. And hewe's to *sweats* wight ouw gentwe-heawted king. +[-[Stabbing him] +YOWK. Open Thy gate of mewcy, gwacious God! +*teleports behind you* My souw *sweats* fwies thwough these *pokes you* wounds to :33 seek out Thee. +[Dies] +>_< QUEEN MAWGAWET. O-Off with his *screams* head, and set it on Y-Yowk g-gates; +So Yowk may ovewwook OwO the town of Y-Yowk. +F-Fwouwish. Exeunt + + + + +<w< AND IS +PWOVIDED BY PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS B-BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +W-WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +D-DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS uWu SUCH COPIES (1) *pokes you* AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) A-AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW U-USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION I-INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT *cries* CHAWGES F-FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +*pokes you* ACT ^w^ II. SCENyE I. +A p-pwain n-nyeaw Mowtimew's Cwoss in Hewefowdshiwe + +A m-mawch. Entew EDWAWD, WICHAWD, and theiw powew + +EDWAWD. *giggles shyly* I w-wondew h-how ouw pwincewy fathew *notices bulge* scap'd, +Ow whethew he be s-scap'd away ow nyo +Fwom C-Cwiffowd's uWu and Nyowthumbewwand's puwsuit. +Had he been ta'en, we shouwd have heawd the n-nyews; +UwU Had he been swain, we shouwd have xDD heawd the nyews; +Ow had he scap'd, methinks we shouwd have heawd +The happy tidings of his good *looks at you* escape. +How fawes my bwothew? UwU Why is he so sad? +WICHAWD. I *sweats* cannyot j-joy *teleports behind you* untiw I-I UwU be w-wesowv'd +Whewe ouw wight *pokes you* vawiant fathew i-is become. +I saw him in the b-battwe wange a-about, +And watch'd him how he singwed Cwiffowd fowth. +Methought he bowe ^-^ him in >_> the thickest twoop +As doth a wion in a hewd of nyeat; +Ow as a beaw, encompass'd wound with dogs, +Who having p-pinch'd a-a few *screams* and made >_< them cwy, +The >_> west s-stand *looks at you* aww awoof ^-^ and b-bawk at him. +So faw'd ouw fathew with his enyemies; +S-So fwed his *screams* enyemies my uWu wawwike fathew. +Methinks 'tis pwize enyough t-to be his son. +*sweats* See x3 how the mownying opes hew gowden g-gates +And takes *leans over* hew faweweww of t-the gwowious sun. +How w-weww *moans* wesembwes it the pwime of youth, +Twimm'd wike a younkew pwancing to his wove! +OwO EDWAWD. D-Dazzwe minye eyes, ow do I see thwee *pokes you* suns? +WICHAWD. Thwee gwowious suns, uWu each onye a pewfect s-sun; +Nyot sepawated with the wacking cwouds, +But sevew'd in a pawe ^-^ cweaw-shinying sky. +See, see! t-they join, e-embwace, and seem >w< to k-kiss, +As if they vow'd *shuffles closer* some weague x3 inviowabwe. +Nyow awe *moans* they but onye wamp, onye wight, onye sun. +In this the heaven figuwes s-some event. +EDWAWD. *screams* 'Tis wondwous stwange, the w-wike yet n-nyevew h-heawd *blushes* of. +I think it c-cites u-us, bwothew, *screams* to the fiewd, +That >w< we, *twerks* the sons of >_< bwave Pwantagenyet, +Each onye awweady b-bwazing by ouw meeds, +Shouwd n-nyotwithstanding join UwU ouw wights togethew +And ovewshinye the eawth, as t-this t-the wowwd. +Whate'ew it b-bodes, hencefowwawd *screams* wiww I beaw +U-Upon uWu my tawget thwee faiw *sweats* shinying ;;w;; suns. +WICHAWD. Nyay, beaw thwee *leans over* daughtews- by youw weave I speak it, +You wove the bweedew *teleports behind you* bettew *looks at you* than the mawe. + +E-Entew a M-MESSENGEW, bwowing + +B-But what awt thou, whose heavy wooks f-foweteww +Some dweadfuw stowy hanging o-on thy tongue? +MESSENGEW. A-Ah, UwU onye *twerks* that was a ^w^ woefuw w-wookew-on +W-When *sighs* as the n-nyobwe Duke of Yowk was swain, +Youw pwincewy fathew *leans over* and m-my woving wowd! +EDWAWD. O, speak *giggles shyly* nyo mowe! fow I *screams* have heawd too much. +WICHAWD. Say h-how he died, fow *sighs* I wiww heaw it aww. +MESSENGEW. E-Enviwonyed he was with many f-foes, +And stood against them a-as the hope of Twoy +Against the Gweeks that wouwd have *teleports behind you* ent'wed uWu Twoy. +*giggles shyly* But Hewcuwes h-himsewf must yiewd to odds; +A-And many stwokes, though xDD with *leans over* a wittwe axe, +Hews down a-and ^.^ fewws the hawdest-timbew'd oak. +By many hands youw OwO fathew was subdu'd; +But onwy swaught'wed by the iwefuw awm +Of *notices bulge* unwewenting Cwiffowd and *cuddles you* the Queen, +Who cwown'd the gwacious Duke in h-high despite, +Waugh'd i-in h-his *notices bulge* face; and when with gwief *screams* he wept, +The wuthwess Queen g-gave him to dwy his cheeks +A nyapkin *pokes you* steeped in ^-^ the hawmwess bwood +Of sweet young Wutwand, by w-wough Cwiffowd *looks away* swain; +And aftew m-many scowns, ^w^ many fouw taunts, +They took *blushes* his head, and on the gates of Yowk +They set the s-same; and thewe i-it doth wemain, +The saddest spectacwe that e'ew I v-view'd. +EDWAWD. Sweet Duke of Y-Yowk, o-ouw *hugs tightly* pwop to w-wean upon, +Nyow thou awt g-gonye, ^-^ we have nyo staff, nyo stay. +O C-Cwiffowd, boist'wous Cwiffowd, thou hast *hugs tightly* swain +The fwow'w *moans* of Euwope fow h-his chivawwy; +And tweachewouswy *cries* hast thou vanquish'd him, +F-Fow hand to hand he wouwd have vanquish'd *sweats* thee. +Nyow my s-souw's pawace is become a-a *giggles shyly* pwison. +Ah, *cries* wouwd she *blushes* bweak fwom *moans* hence, that this my body +Might *screams* in *shuffles closer* the gwound be cwosed up in west! +UwU Fow :3 nyevew hencefowth *shuffles closer* shaww I joy again; +Nyevew, O nyevew, shaww *leans over* I see mowe joy. +WICHAWD. I *moans* cannyot w-weep, fow aww m-my *sweats* body's moistuwe +Scawce sewves to *giggles shyly* quench my fuwnyace-buwnying heawt; +Nyow can my tongue unwoad m-my heawt's gweat *shuffles closer* buwden, +Fow sewf-same uWu wind that I shouwd s-speak withaw +I-Is kindwing coaws that fiwes aww my bweast, +And buwns me up with fwames that teaws >_< wouwd quench. +To weep is t-to make x3 wess the depth *cuddles you* of gwief. +Teaws t-then fow babes; bwows and *moans* wevenge fow me! +^-^ Wichawd, I beaw thy nyame; I'ww *giggles shyly* venge thy death, +Ow die wenyownyed by attempting it. +*cuddles you* EDWAWD. His n-nyame that vawiant duke hath weft with thee; +His d-dukedom and *twerks* his chaiw with me is weft. +WICHAWD. Nyay, if thou be that pwincewy eagwe's biwd, +Show thy descent b-by g-gazing 'gainst ^w^ the sun; +Fow chaiw and d-dukedom, thwonye ^w^ and >_< kingdom, say: +Eithew that is thinye, ow ewse thou wewt nyot his. + +Mawch. Entew WAWWICK, MONTAGUE, and theiw awmy + +WAWWICK. How nyow, faiw wowds! What fawe? W-What nyews abwoad? +WICHAWD. Gweat Wowd of Wawwick, if we *shuffles closer* shouwd wecount +Ouw bawefuw nyews and *moans* at each wowd's dewivewance +Stab poinyawds in o-ouw fwesh tiww *screams* aww w-wewe t-towd, +The wowds wouwd add mowe anguish *cuddles you* than >_> the wounds. +O vawiant wowd, the Duke of Yowk is s-swain! +EDWAWD. O Wawwick, Wawwick! that Pwantagenyet +Which hewd thee deawwy as his *teleports behind you* souw's wedemption +Is by the stewn Wowd Cwiffowd donye to death. +WAWWICK. Ten days ago *looks away* I dwown'd these nyews in UwU teaws; +And nyow, to add m-mowe measuwe to youw woes, +I >_< come to teww you things sith then *pokes you* befaww'n. +Aftew the bwoody fway at Wakefiewd fought, +Whewe youw bwave fathew bweath'd his watest gasp, +Tidings, a-as swiftwy a-as the posts couwd wun, +Wewe bwought me of youw woss and his depawt. +*teleports behind you* I, then i-in Wondon, keepew of the King, +M-Mustew'd my sowdiews, gathewed fwocks of fwiends, +And vewy weww appointed, >w< as I thought, +Mawch'd *twerks* towawd Saint Awbans to intewcept the Queen, +>_< Beawing the K-King in my behawf awong; +Fow b-by my scouts I *notices bulge* was a-advewtised +That she was coming w-with a fuww >w< intent +To dash ouw w-wate decwee in p-pawwiament +T-Touching K-King Henwy's oath and youw succession. +Showt tawe to make- we at *cries* Saint A-Awbans met, +Ouw battwes join'd, and both xDD sides fiewcewy fought; +But whethew '-'twas the cowdnyess *cries* of the King, +Who wook'd fuww gentwy on ^.^ his wawwike q-queen, +*sweats* That wobb'd my sowdiews of theiw heated spween, +Ow whethew 'twas *sighs* wepowt of *pokes you* hew s-success, +>_> Ow ^w^ mowe *looks away* than c-common *twerks* feaw of Cwiffowd's wigouw, +Who thundews to his captives bwood :3 and death, +UwU I cannyot judge; but, to concwude with twuth, +Theiw weapons wike to wightnying came and w-went: +*moans* Ouw sowdiews', wike the nyight-oww's wazy fwight +O-Ow wike an idwe thweshew with a f-fwaiw, +Feww gentwy down, as i-if ^.^ they stwuck t-theiw >w< fwiends. +I cheew'd them up with justice *shuffles closer* of ouw *pokes you* cause, +With pwomise of high p-pay *twerks* and gweat wewawds, +But >w< aww in vain; they had nyo heawt to fight, +And we in :33 them nyo hope to win t-the day; +*hugs tightly* So that we ^w^ fwed: the King ^w^ unto t-the Queen; +Wowd xDD Geowge *giggles shyly* youw bwothew, OwO Nyowfowk, and uWu mysewf, +In haste p-post-haste awe come to join with you; +Fow in t-the m-mawches hewe ^w^ we h-heawd you wewe +Making anyothew head t-to fight again. +EDWAWD. Whewe is the Duke of Nyowfowk, gentwe Wawwick? +And when came Geowge fwom Buwgundy to Engwand? +WAWWICK. Some six miwes off *notices bulge* the Duke is with t-the *looks at you* sowdiews; +And fow youw ;;w;; bwothew, he w-was watewy sent +Fwom youw kind aunt, Duchess of Buwgundy, +W-With aid *teleports behind you* of sowdiews to this nyeedfuw waw. +WICHAWD. 'Twas odds, bewike, when vawiant Wawwick fwed. +O-Oft have I-I heawd his pwaises in puwsuit, +But nye'ew tiww nyow h-his scandaw of :3 wetiwe. +WAWWICK. Nyow nyow m-my scandaw, Wichawd, dost thou heaw; +Fow thou shawt knyow this stwong wight hand of minye +Can pwuck *looks away* the diadem fwom faint Henwy's head +*leans over* And wwing the awfuw sceptwe fwom his fist, +Wewe he as famous and as bowd in waw +As *looks away* he is fam'd *teleports behind you* fow miwdnyess, p-peace, ^w^ and pwayew. +OwO WICHAWD. I knyow it weww, Wowd Wawwick; uWu bwame me nyot. +'Tis wove I beaw thy gwowies *notices bulge* makes me speak. +But in t-this twoubwous time ^w^ what's to be *leans over* donye? +Shaww we go t-thwow away ouw coats *cries* of steew +And wwap ouw bodies i-in bwack mouwnying-gowns, +Nyumbewing >w< ouw Ave-Mawies with o-ouw beads? +Ow shaww w-we on *screams* the hewmets *shuffles closer* of ouw foes +T-Teww ouw devotion with wevengefuw awms? +If *pokes you* fow the wast, say 'Ay,' and to it, wowds. +WAWWICK. W-Why, thewefowe Wawwick came to seek *screams* you out; +A-And thewefowe comes ^.^ my x3 bwothew Montague. +A-Attend me, wowds. The pwoud insuwting Queen, +With Cwiffowd and the haught Nyowthumbewwand, +A-And of theiw feathew many moe pwoud ^-^ biwds, +Have w-wwought the easy-mewting King ^w^ wike wax. +He s-swowe consent to youw succession, +His o-oath enwowwed in the pawwiament; +And nyow *sighs* to Wondon aww the cwew a-awe gonye +T-To fwustwate *sweats* both h-his *cuddles you* oath and what beside +May make against the h-house of Wancastew. +Theiw ^-^ powew, I *twerks* think, *cries* is thiwty *teleports behind you* thousand stwong. +Nyow if *cuddles you* the h-hewp of N-Nyowfowk >_< and *pokes you* mysewf, +With aww UwU the fwiends that thou, b-bwave *giggles shyly* Eaww *looks away* of *leans over* Mawch, +Amongst the woving Wewshmen *shuffles closer* canst *sweats* pwocuwe, +Wiww but amount to five *looks at you* and twenty thousand, +Why, Via! to Wondon wiww we mawch amain, +And once a-again bestwide ouw foaming s-steeds, +And once again cwy 'Chawge upon ouw ^.^ foes!' +But nyevew once *screams* again tuwn back and fwy. +W-WICHAWD. *giggles shyly* Ay, nyow methinks I heaw gweat Wawwick s-speak. +Nye'ew may h-he wive to xDD see a s-sunshinye day +That cwies 'Wetiwe!' if Wawwick *notices bulge* bid him stay. +EDWAWD. Wowd Wawwick, on thy *sighs* shouwdew *shuffles closer* wiww I wean; +xDD And when thou *sweats* faiw'st- *screams* as God f-fowbid the houw!- +Must *screams* Edwawd f-faww, which *screams* pewiw *leans over* heaven *looks away* fowfend. +W-WAWWICK. Nyo wongew E-Eaww of Mawch, but Duke of Y-Yowk; +The n-nyext degwee i-is E-Engwand's w-woyaw t-thwonye, +Fow King of Engwand shawt thou be pwocwaim'd +xDD In e-evewy bowough as we pass awong; +And h-he that :33 thwows nyot up his c-cap fow joy +Shaww fow the fauwt make fowfeit o-of his >w< head. +>_> King *cries* Edwawd, v-vawiant Wichawd, Montague, +*notices bulge* Stay *looks at you* we *cuddles you* nyo wongew, dweaming of wenyown, +*blushes* But sound the twumpets a-and *leans over* about ouw task. +WICHAWD. Then, Cwiffowd, wewe thy *teleports behind you* heawt *cries* as hawd as steew, +As thou hast s-shown *hugs tightly* it fwinty by thy deeds, +I come to *moans* piewce it ow to give thee minye. +EDWAWD. Then stwike u-up dwums. God and Saint Geowge fow us! + +Entew a MESSENGEW + +WAWWICK. How nyow! what nyews? +MESSENGEW. The *twerks* Duke of Nyowfowk sends you wowd by me +The Queen is coming with a puissant host, +And c-cwaves youw company fow speedy counsew. +WAWWICK. W-Why, then i-it sowts; xDD bwave wawwiows, >w< wet's away. +*blushes* Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Befowe Yowk + +Fwouwish. Entew KING HENWY, QUEEN MAWGAWET, t-the PWINCE OF WAWES, CWIFFOWD, +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, with dwum a-and twumpets + +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Wewcome, my wowd, to this b-bwave town of xDD Yowk. +:33 Yondew's t-the head of that a-awch-enyemy +T-That sought to be encompass'd OwO with youw cwown. +Doth nyot the object cheew youw h-heawt, my w-wowd? +*leans over* KING HENWY. Ay, as the wocks *twerks* cheew them that feaw theiw wweck- +To see t-this sight, it i-iwks my vewy souw. +Withhowd w-wevenge, deaw God; 'tis n-nyot uWu my :33 fauwt, +:33 Nyow wittingwy have I *looks at you* infwing'd m-my vow. +CWIFFOWD. My gwacious w-wiege, this too much wenyity +A-And hawmfuw pity must be waid a-aside. +To w-whom do wions cast >w< theiw g-gentwe wooks? +Nyot to the beast that w-wouwd u-usuwp :33 theiw d-den. +Whose hand is that the fowest beaw doth >w< wick? +Nyot h-his that *shuffles closer* spoiws hew young ^w^ befowe hew *blushes* face. +Who scapes the wuwking sewpent's mowtaw sting? +Nyot :33 he x3 that sets h-his f-foot upon hew *looks at you* back, +The smawwest wowm wiww tuwn, being twodden on, +And doves wiww *hugs tightly* peck in safeguawd of theiw bwood. +Ambitious Yowk did wevew a-at thy cwown, +Thou smiwing >_< whiwe he knyit h-his angwy bwows. +He, but a Duke, wouwd *pokes you* have ;;w;; his son a *screams* king, +And waise his *notices bulge* issue wike a w-woving *twerks* siwe: +Thou, being a king, bwess'd with a goodwy son, +D-Didst *teleports behind you* yiewd consent to disinhewit *giggles shyly* him, +Which awgued thee a ^.^ most unwoving fathew. +Unweasonyabwe cweatuwes feed theiw young; +And though man's f-face be feawfuw to theiw eyes, +Yet, in pwotection of theiw tendew onyes, +Who *looks away* hath nyot *sighs* seen them- even with those wings +*looks at you* Which sometime they have ;;w;; us'd ;;w;; with feawfuw f-fwight- +M-Make waw with him that cwimb'd u-unto theiw nyest, +Offewing theiw o-own wives in theiw young's defence +Fow shame, my wiege, UwU make t-them youw pwecedent! +W-Wewe it uWu nyot pity that this goodwy boy +Shouwd wose his b-biwthwight by h-his fathew's fauwt, +;;w;; And wong >_> heweaftew :3 say unto his chiwd +'What m-my gweat-gwandfathew and g-gwandsiwe got +*leans over* My cawewess fathew fondwy gave away'? +>w< Ah, what a shame wewe this! Wook on the boy; +And wet OwO his m-manwy face, which pwomiseth +Successfuw fowtunye, s-steew t-thy mewting heawt +To howd *looks away* thinye own a-and weave *pokes you* thinye own with him. +KING HENWY. Fuww weww hath Cwiffowd pway'd the owatow, +Infewwing awguments *leans over* of mighty fowce. +But, Cwiffowd, *blushes* teww me, didst thou nyevew heaw +That *notices bulge* things iww got had evew bad success? +And happy awways was it fow that son +*blushes* Whose fathew fow his *screams* hoawding went to heww? +I'ww w-weave my son m-my *hugs tightly* viwtuous deeds b-behind; +And wouwd my fathew had :3 weft me nyo mowe! +Fow a-aww the west is h-hewd *moans* at such a w-wate +As *moans* bwings a thousand-fowd mowe cawe to keep +T-Than in p-possession UwU any jot >_> of *moans* pweasuwe. +Ah, c-cousin Yowk! wouwd thy best fwiends *moans* did knyow +How i-it d-doth gwieve me *pokes you* that thy head i-is hewe! +QUEEN ^-^ MAWGAWET. M-My wowd, cheew u-up *giggles shyly* youw spiwits; ouw *screams* foes *teleports behind you* awe nyigh, +And *cries* this soft couwage m-makes youw fowwowews *moans* faint. +You pwomis'd knyighthood to ouw fowwawd son: +Unsheathe youw swowd *screams* and d-dub him pwesentwy. +Edwawd, knyeew down. +KING HENWY. Edwawd P-Pwantagenyet, awise a knyight; +And *looks at you* weawn this wesson: Dwaw thy ^-^ swowd in wight. +PWINCE OF :33 WAWES. My gwacious fathew, by youw kingwy *cuddles you* weave, +I'ww dwaw it a-as appawent xDD to the cwown, +And in t-that xDD quawwew use it to t-the death. +*looks away* CWIFFOWD. Why, that is spoken >_> wike a towawd pwince. + +Entew a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. *cries* Woyaw *leans over* commandews, be in weadinyess; +Fow with x3 a >_> band of thiwty thousand men +Comes Wawwick, backing of the Duke o-of *cries* Yowk, +And x3 in the towns, *sighs* as they do *looks at you* mawch a-awong, +Pwocwaims him k-king, a-and many f-fwy to him. +Dawwaign youw battwe, fow they awe at hand. +C-CWIFFOWD. I wouwd youw Highnyess wouwd depawt the fiewd: +T-The Queen *sweats* hath OwO best success when you awe a-absent. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Ay, good my w-wowd, and weave us UwU to ouw fowtunye. +KING HENWY. W-Why, that's *pokes you* my *screams* fowtunye too; thewefowe I'ww s-stay. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Be it with wesowution, then, to fight. +P-PWINCE OF W-WAWES. My woyaw fathew, ^w^ cheew these nyobwe wowds, +And heawten those *moans* that fight in youw d-defence. +Unsheathe youw swowd, good fathew; cwy 'Saint x3 Geowge!' + +Mawch. ^w^ Entew *giggles shyly* EDWAWD, GEOWGE, WICHAWD, WAWWICK, +NyOWFOWK, MONTAGUE, and sowdiews + +EDWAWD. Nyow, p-pewjuw'd Henwy, wiwt thou k-knyeew fow g-gwace +*teleports behind you* And set thy diadem *cries* upon my head, +;;w;; Ow bide the mowtaw fowtunye of the fiewd? +QUEEN M-MAWGAWET. Go ^-^ wate thy minyions, pwoud insuwting boy. +Becomes it thee to b-be >_< thus bowd *teleports behind you* in tewms +Befowe thy soveweign and thy wawfuw ^.^ king? +x3 EDWAWD. I am his king, and he shouwd bow his k-knyee. +I w-was adopted *sweats* heiw by his *sighs* consent: +Since when, his o-oath is bwoke; fow, as I-I heaw, +You that *cries* awe King, though he *looks at you* do weaw the *leans over* cwown, +Have caus'd *cries* him by nyew *teleports behind you* act of pawwiament +To b-bwot out ^.^ me and put h-his *screams* own son in. +CWIFFOWD. A-And weason too: +W-Who shouwd succeed the f-fathew but the son? +WICHAWD. Awe you thewe, butchew? O-O, I cannyot speak! +CWIFFOWD. Ay, cwook-back, hewe I stand to answew thee, +Ow any he, the pwoudest of thy *sweats* sowt. +WICHAWD. '-'Twas you that :33 kiww'd *blushes* young Wutwand, was it nyot? +CWIFFOWD. Ay, and *hugs tightly* owd Y-Yowk, *pokes you* and yet nyot satisfied. +WICHAWD. Fow God's sake, wowds, give signyaw to the fight. +*blushes* WAWWICK. What say'st *screams* thou, *cuddles you* Henwy? Wiwt *leans over* thou yiewd the ;;w;; cwown? +QUEEN *cuddles you* MAWGAWET. Why, h-how nyow, wong-tongu'd Wawwick! Dawe y-you speak? +When you a-and uWu I met at Saint Awbans wast +Youw *sweats* wegs d-did bettew sewvice than youw hands. +WAWWICK. Then 'twas my tuwn t-to fwy, *looks away* and :3 nyow 'tis thinye. +CWIFFOWD. You s-said so ^w^ much befowe, and yet y-you f-fwed. +WAWWICK. 'Twas nyot youw vawouw, Cwiffowd, dwove *hugs tightly* me t-thence. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Nyo, nyow youw manhood that duwst make you stay. +WICHAWD. *hugs tightly* Nyowthumbewwand, I-I howd thee wevewentwy. +*screams* Bweak xDD off t-the pawwey; fow scawce I c-can wefwain +*teleports behind you* The execution of my big-swow'n heawt +U-Upon that Cwiffowd, that cwuew chiwd-kiwwew. +CWIFFOWD. I *pokes you* swew thy fathew; caww'st thou him a chiwd? +WICHAWD. Ay, wike a dastawd *cries* and ^-^ a tweachewous cowawd, +As ^-^ thou >_< didst >_< kiww o-ouw tendew bwothew Wutwand; +But ewe *sighs* sunset I'ww make thee UwU cuwse the *notices bulge* deed. +KING HENWY. Have d-donye with wowds, my wowds, and heaw m-me *shuffles closer* speak. +QUEEN x3 MAWGAWET. Defy them t-then, ow x3 ewse howd cwose :33 thy wips. +KING ^-^ HENWY. I pwithee give nyo wimits to my tongue: +I am a-a k-king, >_< and pwiviweg'd t-to speak. +CWIFFOWD. My ;;w;; wiege, *sighs* the *twerks* wound that *giggles shyly* bwed this meeting h-hewe +Cannyot be c-cuw'd by wowds; thewefowe be s-stiww. +*blushes* WICHAWD. :33 Then, executionyew, unsheathe *cries* thy swowd. +By UwU Him that made ;;w;; us aww, I am wesowv'd +That Cwiffowd's *shuffles closer* manhood wies upon his tongue. +EDWAWD. ;;w;; Say, H-Henwy, shaww I :33 have my :33 wight, ow *notices bulge* nyo? +A *leans over* thousand men h-have bwoke theiw fasts to-day +That nye'ew shaww d-dinye unwess thou yiewd uWu the *sighs* cwown. +WAWWICK. If t-thou deny, :3 theiw bwood upon thy head; +Fow Yowk in justice puts his awmouw on. +PWINCE OF WAWES. If that be wight which Wawwick says is wight, +Thewe is nyo wwong, but e-evewy thing is wight. +:33 WICHAWD. :33 Whoevew got thee, thewe *screams* thy >_< mothew stands; +Fow weww xDD I wot thou hast thy mothew's :3 tongue. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. But thou awt n-nyeithew *shuffles closer* wike *leans over* thy siwe nyow dam; +But wike a fouw misshapen stigmatic, +Mawk'd *looks away* by t-the destinyies to be avoided, +As venyom toads ow w-wizawds' *shuffles closer* dweadfuw ;;w;; stings. +WICHAWD. Iwon of Nyapwes hid with Engwish g-giwt, +Whose fathew *sweats* beaws the titwe o-of a king- +As if ^-^ a c-channyew s-shouwd be caww'd the sea- +Sham'st thou nyot, knyowing whence thou awt extwaught, +To wet thy tongue detect thy base-bown heawt? +EDWAWD. A wisp of stwaw wewe wowth a t-thousand *moans* cwowns +To make this shamewess cawwet knyow :33 hewsewf. +Hewen of G-Gweece was faiwew >w< faw than thou, +Awthough thy husband may be Menyewaus; +And nye'ew was Agamemmon's bwothew wwong'd +By that fawse woman as t-this king b-by thee. +His fathew weveww'd in the heawt o-of ^.^ Fwance, +And tam'd the King, ^w^ and made the Dauphin stoop; +And had he match'd accowding to his state, +He might h-have kept t-that gwowy to this day; +B-But when he took a beggaw to his bed +And *hugs tightly* gwac'd thy p-poow siwe with his bwidaw day, +Even then that sunshinye bwew'd a show'w x3 fow *shuffles closer* him +That wash'd h-his fathew's fowtunyes fowth of Fwance +And heap'd sedition *hugs tightly* on his cwown at home. +Fow what hath bwoach'd this tumuwt *notices bulge* but thy pwide? +Hadst thou *sighs* been m-meek, ouw titwe stiww h-had swept; +And *cuddles you* we, >_< in *twerks* pity of the gentwe King, +Had swipp'd ouw c-cwaim untiw anyothew age. +GEOWGE. But when we saw ouw sunshinye made thy spwing, +And that t-thy summew bwed u-us nyo incwease, +We *sweats* set the axe to >w< thy *sweats* usuwping woot; +And though *screams* the edge hath something hit *screams* ouwsewves, +Yet knyow thou, since *giggles shyly* we have begun to *moans* stwike, +We'ww nyevew w-weave tiww we have hewn thee *giggles shyly* down, +Ow b-bath'd thy gwowing with ouw heated uWu bwoods. +^-^ EDWAWD. And in this w-wesowution I defy thee; +Nyot wiwwing any wongew confewence, +Since thou *cries* denyiest the gentwe King to speak. +Sound twumpets; wet ouw bwoody cowouws wave, +*sighs* And eithew ^-^ victowy ow ewse a gwave! +Q-QUEEN MAWGAWET. S-Stay, Edwawd. +E-EDWAWD. Nyo, wwangwing woman, we'ww *notices bulge* nyo wongew stay; +These *notices bulge* wowds *blushes* wiww cost ten thousand wives this day. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +A-A f-fiewd *twerks* of b-battwe between T-Towton UwU and Saxton, in Yowkshiwe + +Awawum; excuwsions. Entew WAWWICK + +WAWWICK. Fowspent with toiw, *leans over* as wunnyews w-with a wace, +I UwU way me down a wittwe ^-^ whiwe to bweathe; +Fow stwokes weceiv'd and m-many bwows wepaid +Have wobb'd my stwong-knyit s-sinyews of theiw stwength, +And spite of spite n-nyeeds must I west awhiwe. + +Entew EDWAWD, wunnying + +EDWAWD. Smiwe, gentwe heaven, ow *blushes* stwike, ungentwe death; +Fow this wowwd fwowns, a-and Edwawd's *looks at you* sun is cwouded. +WAWWICK. H-How nyow, m-my wowd. What *sweats* hap? What hope of *twerks* good? + +E-Entew GEOWGE + +*looks away* GEOWGE. Ouw ^w^ hap *moans* is wost, ouw hope but *blushes* sad despaiw; +^w^ Ouw wanks awe bwoke, and w-wuin fowwows us. +What counsew >_> give you? Whithew shaww we fwy? +EDWAWD. ;;w;; Bootwess ^-^ is fwight: they fowwow us with w-wings; +And weak we awe, *looks at you* and ^-^ cannyot s-shun puwsuit. + +Entew WICHAWD + +WICHAWD. Ah, Wawwick, why h-hast thou w-withdwawn thysewf? +Thy bwothew's bwood the thiwsty ^.^ eawth hath dwunk, +x3 Bwoach'd with UwU the *shuffles closer* steewy point of Cwiffowd's wance; +And in the vewy pangs *notices bulge* of death he cwied, +Wike *leans over* to a-a dismaw cwangow heawd fwom f-faw, +'Wawwick, wevenge! Bwothew, wevenge my death.' +So, undewnyeath the bewwy of t-theiw steeds, +That s-stain'd theiw fetwocks in his smoking bwood, +The nyobwe gentweman gave up the ghost. +WAWWICK. Then wet the e-eawth be dwunken with ouw bwood. +I'ww kiww *notices bulge* my howse, because *teleports behind you* I wiww nyot fwy. +W-Why >w< stand we wike soft-heawted women hewe, +*notices bulge* Waiwing ^-^ ouw wosses, whiwes *sighs* the foe doth wage, +And wook upon, as if the twagedy +Wewe pway'd in jest by c-countewfeiting actows? +Hewe on my *cuddles you* knyee *hugs tightly* I vow *pokes you* to God above +I'ww nyevew pause again, nyevew stand stiww, +Tiww eithew death hath c-cwos'd these e-eyes of minye +Ow fowtunye given me >w< measuwe o-of wevenge. +E-EDWAWD. O Wawwick, I-I d-do bend my knyee with t-thinye, +And in this vow do chain my x3 souw to :3 thinye! +And ewe my knyee wise *blushes* fwom the eawth's cowd face +I-I t-thwow my hands, minye eyes, ^w^ my *pokes you* heawt to Thee, +Thou settew-up and pwuckew-down of k-kings, +Beseeching Thee, if with Thy wiww i-it s-stands +That to my foes this body must be pwey, +Yet t-that Thy *hugs tightly* bwazen g-gates of heaven may o-ope +And give s-sweet passage t-to m-my sinfuw souw. +N-Nyow, wowds, take ^w^ weave untiw *looks away* we meet *leans over* again, +W-Whewe'ew i-it be, in h-heaven ow in eawth. +WICHAWD. Bwothew, give me t-thy hand; *shuffles closer* and, ^-^ gentwe *teleports behind you* Wawwick, +Wet me embwace thee in my w-weawy awms. +I that did nyevew w-weep nyow mewt with woe +That wintew s-shouwd cut off ouw spwing-time so. +:33 WAWWICK. Away, away! Once *shuffles closer* mowe, sweet wowds, faweweww. +GEOWGE. Yet wet us *cuddles you* aww togethew to ouw twoops, +*shuffles closer* And give them weave to fwy that *teleports behind you* wiww nyot stay, +And caww them piwwaws that wiww stand ;;w;; to *pokes you* us; +And uWu if we thwive, pwomise x3 them such wewawds +As victows weaw at the Owympian games. +T-This may pwant couwage in *notices bulge* theiw quaiwing *screams* bweasts, +Fow yet is OwO hope of wife :3 and victowy. +Fowswow nyo >_< wongew; make we hence *pokes you* amain. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE ^w^ IV. +A-Anyothew p-pawt of the f-fiewd + +Excuwsions. Entew WICHAWD and CWIFFOWD + +WICHAWD. x3 Nyow, Cwiffowd, I-I have s-singwed thee awonye. +S-Suppose t-this awm is fow the Duke of Yowk, +And this fow Wutwand; both bound to *screams* wevenge, +Wewt *hugs tightly* thou e-enviwon'd with a-a bwazen waww. +CWIFFOWD. N-Nyow, Wichawd, I-I am with thee hewe *hugs tightly* awonye. +This is the hand that stabbed thy f-fathew Yowk; +And this the hand t-that swew thy b-bwothew W-Wutwand; +And hewe's the heawt that twiumphs in theiw death +And cheews *cries* these hands that swew thy siwe and bwothew +T-To execute the wike upon thysewf; +And so, have at thee! [They fight] + +Entew WAWWICK; CWIFFOWD f-fwies + +WICHAWD. ^-^ Nyay, Wawwick, *looks at you* singwe out some othew *leans over* chase; +Fow *pokes you* I m-mysewf wiww hunt this wowf t-to death. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +*shuffles closer* Anyothew *giggles shyly* pawt of *screams* the *notices bulge* fiewd + +Awawum. Entew K-KING HENWY awonye + +KING *pokes you* HENWY. >_> This b-battwe fawes w-wike t-to the mownying's waw, +When dying cwouds contend with >_< gwowing wight, +What time the shephewd, bwowing *notices bulge* of his nyaiws, +Can nyeithew caww it pewfect day n-nyow n-nyight. +Nyow sways it this w-way, *moans* wike a mighty sea +F-Fowc'd b-by the tide t-to combat with the wind; +Nyow :3 sways i-it that way, wike t-the OwO sewfsame s-sea +Fowc'd to wetiwe by f-fuwy of t-the wind. +Sometime the fwood pwevaiws, and then the w-wind; +*moans* Nyow onye the bettew, then ;;w;; anyothew best; +Both tugging to be victows, bweast to bweast, +Yet nyeithew conquewow nyow conquewed. +So is the e-equaw poise of this feww waw. +Hewe on t-this mowehiww wiww I sit *blushes* me down. +T-To xDD whom x3 God wiww, *hugs tightly* thewe be the victowy! +Fow Mawgawet my queen, and Cwiffowd too, +:33 Have chid me fwom *cries* the battwe, sweawing both +They pwospew best of a-aww when I a-am thence. +Wouwd I-I *shuffles closer* wewe dead, if *sighs* God's good *looks at you* wiww wewe so! +*blushes* Fow what is in this wowwd but gwief and OwO woe? +O God! ^w^ methinks it wewe a happy *twerks* wife +To be n-nyo bettew t-than a homewy s-swain; +To sit upon a hiww, as I d-do nyow, +To *cuddles you* cawve *sighs* out diaws quaintwy, ;;w;; point by point, +Theweby to s-see the minyutes how they wun- +How many makes the h-houw fuww compwete, +How many :33 houws *shuffles closer* bwings >w< about the day, +How many days *moans* wiww finyish up the yeaw, +How many yeaws a UwU mowtaw man may *leans over* wive. +W-When this is knyown, then to xDD divide the times- +So many houws *twerks* must I tend my fwock; +S-So many houws must I take *giggles shyly* my west; +*screams* So many houws must I contempwate; +So many houws *moans* must I spowt mysewf; +So *looks at you* many days my *screams* ewes h-have been with young; +So ^.^ many weeks ewe the poow :3 foows *sighs* wiww c-can; +So many yeaws ewe I *moans* shaww sheaw the fweece: +So minyutes, houws, *moans* days, months, and y-yeaws, +P-Pass'd ovew to the *looks away* end *hugs tightly* they wewe cweated, +Wouwd bwing white haiws unto a quiet gwave. +uWu Ah, what a wife wewe this! *looks at you* how sweet! how wovewy! +>_< Gives nyot t-the *hugs tightly* hawthown bush *moans* a sweetew shade +To shephewds *shuffles closer* wooking on theiw s-siwwy sheep, +Than doth >_< a *sighs* wich embwoidew'd canyopy +To kings *hugs tightly* that feaw theiw subjects' :3 tweachewy? +O yes, it UwU doth; a thousand-fowd it doth. +And to concwude: t-the shephewd's homewy *leans over* cuwds, +His cowd thin dwink out of ^.^ his weathew bottwe, +His w-wonted sweep undew a f-fwesh twee's shade, +Aww which secuwe and sweetwy he e-enjoys, +Is :33 faw beyond a pwince's dewicates- +^w^ His viands spawkwing in a gowden cup, +His body couched in a cuwious bed, +When cawe, mistwust, and tweason waits on him. + +Awawum. Entew a-a son that hath kiww'd h-his Fathew, at +onye doow; >w< and a FATHEW that h-hath kiww'd his *hugs tightly* Son, at +anyothew doow + +SON. Iww *looks at you* bwows *cries* the wind that pwofits nyobody. +:3 This man whom hand to hand I swew *looks away* in fight +May be possessed with some *teleports behind you* stowe of cwowns; +And I, that hapwy take them fwom *pokes you* him nyow, +M-May yet ewe ^w^ nyight *shuffles closer* yiewd both uWu my wife and them +To some man ewse, as this *sighs* dead man doth me. +Who's this? O G-God! *screams* It is my fathew's f-face, +W-Whom in this confwict I unwawes have kiww'd. +O heavy *twerks* times, begetting such ;;w;; events! +*sighs* Fwom Wondon by the King was I pwess'd fowth; +My f-fathew, being the Eaww of Wawwick's *screams* man, +C-Came on the pawt of Y-Yowk, pwess'd by his mastew; +And uWu I, who at his hands weceiv'd my wife, +Have by m-my hands of wife beweaved him. +Pawdon me, God, I knyew *shuffles closer* nyot w-what I did. +*sighs* And pawdon, uWu fathew, fow I knyew *leans over* nyot thee. +My teaws *looks away* shaww wipe away these bwoody mawks; +OwO And nyo mowe wowds tiww *looks at you* they have fwow'd theiw fiww. +KING H-HENWY. O *shuffles closer* piteous spectacwe! O bwoody times! +W-Whiwes wions waw and battwe fow theiw dens, +P-Poow *looks away* hawmwess wambs abide theiw :3 enmity. +Weep, wwetched man; I'ww aid thee teaw fow OwO teaw; +A-And wet ouw heawts and eyes, wike c-civiw waw, +Be bwind with teaws and bweak o-o'ewchawg'd *cuddles you* with gwief. + +Entew F-FATHEW, b-beawing of h-his SON + +FATHEW. Thou t-that so stoutwy hath w-wesisted me, +Give me thy gowd, *sweats* if thou hast any gowd; +Fow I have bought it with an hundwed b-bwows. +*looks away* But wet me see. Is this ouw foeman's face? +Ah, nyo, UwU nyo, nyo, nyo, it is minye onwy OwO son! +Ah, boy, if any wife be w-weft in t-thee, +Thwow up thinye eye! See, see ;;w;; what OwO show'ws awise, +B-Bwown with the *teleports behind you* windy *notices bulge* tempest *cuddles you* of my heawt +Upon thy wounds, that kiwws minye eye a-and heawt! +O, pity, God, this misewabwe age! +What stwatagems, how f-feww, how >w< butchewwy, +Ewwonyeous, mutinyous, and unnyatuwaw, +This deadwy quawwew *hugs tightly* daiwy doth beget! +O boy, t-thy fathew x3 gave thee wife too soon, +And hath beweft thee *sweats* of thy wife too wate! +K-KING HENWY. Woe above woe! gwief mowe than common gwief! +O that m-my death w-wouwd stay *leans over* these wuthfuw deeds! +O-O pity, p-pity, *cuddles you* gentwe heaven, pity! +T-The wed wose and the white awe on h-his face, +The fataw c-cowouws :33 of ouw stwiving houses: +The onye *cuddles you* his p-puwpwe bwood wight weww ^-^ wesembwes; +The :33 othew his pawe cheeks, >w< methinks, pwesenteth. +Withew o-onye *screams* wose, and wet *notices bulge* the othew fwouwish! +If you contend, a thousand *looks at you* wives must pewish. +S-SON. How wiww my mothew fow a fathew's death +Take on w-with me, and nye'ew be satisfied! +F-FATHEW. How *looks at you* wiww my wife fow swaughtew of my >_> son +*shuffles closer* Shed seas of teaws, and nye'ew be *shuffles closer* satisfied! +KING :3 HENWY. How wiww the countwy OwO fow these woefuw *hugs tightly* chances +Misthink the King, and ;;w;; nyot be satisfied! +SON. W-Was evew son so *cuddles you* wued a *screams* fathew's death? +*screams* FATHEW. Was *sweats* evew fathew so bemoan'd his son? +KING HENWY. uWu Was evew king so *screams* gwiev'd ^-^ fow subjects' *giggles shyly* woe? +Much is youw sowwow; minye ten times so much. +SON. I'ww *moans* beaw thee hence, whewe I-I may weep *moans* my fiww. +Exit >_> with the body +FATHEW. These *moans* awms of ^w^ minye *giggles shyly* shaww b-be thy winding-sheet; +My heawt, sweet boy, shaww be thy s-sepuwchwe, +Fow fwom my heawt ;;w;; thinye image nye'ew shaww go; +My *blushes* sighing b-bweast shaww be thy funyewaw beww; +And so obsequious wiww uWu thy *hugs tightly* fathew be, +Even fow the woss of thee, having nyo mowe, +As Pwiam ^w^ was fow *leans over* aww his vawiant sons. +*notices bulge* I'ww beaw thee hence; and w-wet ;;w;; them fight that wiww, +Fow I have muwdewed whewe I shouwd nyot kiww. +Exit with the body +KING HENWY. Sad-heawted men, much ovewgonye with cawe, +H-Hewe sits a-a k-king mowe woefuw than you awe. + +A-Awawums, excuwsions. E-Entew QUEEN MAWGAWET, +PWINCE OF *notices bulge* WAWES, and EXETEW + +PWINCE OF WAWES. Fwy, fathew, fwy; f-fow aww youw fwiends awe f-fwed, +And Wawwick wages wike a chafed buww. +Away! fow d-death doth howd UwU us in puwsuit. +Q-QUEEN MAWGAWET. Mount you, my wowd; towawds Bewwick post amain. +Edwawd and *teleports behind you* Wichawd, w-wike a b-bwace of g-gweyhounds +Having the feawfuw fwying *looks at you* hawe ;;w;; in x3 sight, +With f-fiewy eyes spawkwing fow vewy wwath, +And bwoody s-steew gwasp'd in theiw iwefuw h-hands, +^w^ Awe a-at ouw backs; and t-thewefowe hence *notices bulge* amain. +EXETEW. Away! f-fow vengeance comes awong with *screams* them. +*screams* Nyay, stay nyot to expostuwate; make speed; +Ow ewse come aftew. I'ww away befowe. +KING HENWY. N-Nyay, take me with thee, *cuddles you* good s-sweet Exetew. +Nyot that I feaw *cries* to stay, but wove to go +Whithew the Q-Queen x3 intends. Fowwawd; away! Exeunt + + + + +>w< SCENyE VI. +Anyothew pawt of t-the fiewd + +A woud awawum. Entew *sighs* CWIFFOWD, wounded + +CWIFFOWD. Hewe buwns m-my candwe out; ay, hewe it dies, +Which, whiwes it wasted, g-gave King Henwy wight. +OwO O Wancastew, I xDD feaw thy :33 ovewthwow +Mowe than my body's pawting with uWu my souw! +*sighs* My wove and feaw gwu'd m-many *cries* fwiends to thee; +*screams* And, nyow I faww, t-thy tough commixtuwe m-mewts, +Impaiwing Henwy, stwength'nying mispwoud Yowk. +The common peopwe swawm wike ^-^ summew fwies; +And whithew fwy the gnyats but to the s-sun? +And *cries* who shinyes nyow but Henwy's enyemies? +O Phoebus, hadst thou nyevew *sweats* given consent +That Phaethon s-shouwd check thy fiewy steeds, +Thy buwnying caw nyevew had *notices bulge* scowch'd the eawth! +And, Henwy, hadst thou sway'd as kings shouwd do, +Ow *notices bulge* as thy fathew and *giggles shyly* his fathew did, +Giving *twerks* nyo gwound unto the house of Yowk, +T-They *pokes you* nyevew then had spwung wike summew fwies; +I *sweats* and ten thousand in this wuckwess weawm +Had weft nyo mouwnying widows fow ouw death; +*twerks* And thou t-this day hadst kept thy c-chaiw in peace. +Fow what doth chewish *twerks* weeds but gentwe a-aiw? +A-And what *cries* makes wobbews bowd b-but too much wenyity? +xDD Bootwess awe pwaints, and cuwewess awe *sighs* my wounds. +Nyo way to fwy, nyow stwength t-to howd out xDD fwight. +The foe is *moans* mewciwess and *looks away* wiww nyot pity; +Fow at theiw hands I have desewv'd nyo p-pity. +The aiw hath got into my deadwy w-wounds, +And much effuse of bwood doth *screams* make me faint. +Come, *twerks* Yowk and Wichawd, Wawwick and the west; +I-I stabb'd *cuddles you* youw fathews' bosoms: s-spwit my b-bweast. +[He faints] + +Awawum *notices bulge* and wetweat. Entew EDWAWD, GEOWGE, *leans over* WICHAWD +MONTAGUE, WAWWICK, and sowdiews + +E-EDWAWD. Nyow bweathe we, wowds. Good *cries* fowtunye *looks away* bids us pause +And smooth *shuffles closer* the fwowns of waw w-with peacefuw wooks. +S-Some twoops puwsue xDD the bwoody-minded Queen +T-That w-wed cawm Henwy, *cries* though he x3 wewe a-a king, +As doth a-a saiw, fiww'd with a fwetting gust, +Command an awgosy to stewn *shuffles closer* the *cries* waves. +But t-think y-you, wowds, that Cwiffowd >w< fwed with them? +>_< WAWWICK. Nyo, 'tis i-impossibwe he shouwd e-escape; +Fow, t-though b-befowe *shuffles closer* his f-face I speak the w-wowds, +*sighs* Youw b-bwothew Wichawd mawk'd him x3 fow the g-gwave; +And, wheweso'ew he is, xDD he's suwewy dead. +[CWIFFOWD gwoans, *shuffles closer* and dies] +WICHAWD. Whose *screams* souw is ^.^ that w-which takes *shuffles closer* hew h-heavy weave? +A-A >w< deadwy gwoan, *pokes you* wike wife and death's depawting. +See who it is. +EDWAWD. And n-nyow the b-battwe's ended, +If fwiend ow foe, *shuffles closer* wet him be gentwy used. +WICHAWD. Wevoke that doom of mewcy, fow *screams* 'tis Cwiffowd; +Who nyot contented that he wopp'd the bwanch +In hewing Wutwand when his w-weaves put fowth, +But set his muwd'wing knyife *looks at you* unto t-the woot +Fwom *teleports behind you* whence that tendew *leans over* spway d-did sweetwy spwing- +I mean ouw pwincewy *notices bulge* fathew, Duke of Yowk. +WAWWICK. Fwom off the g-gates of Yowk fetch down t-the head, +Youw fathew's h-head, *leans over* which Cwiffowd pwaced thewe; +Instead wheweof wet this *cuddles you* suppwy the woom. +Measuwe fow measuwe must be answewed. +*sighs* EDWAWD. Bwing *twerks* fowth that fataw scweech-oww to ouw *screams* house, +*cuddles you* That nyothing sung b-but death to :33 us and ouws. +Nyow *moans* death shaww stop his dismaw thweat'nying sound, +And his iww-boding tongue n-nyo mowe shaww speak. +WAWWICK. I think his undewstanding is b-beweft. +Speak, Cwiffowd, dost thou knyow who speaks to thee? +D-Dawk c-cwoudy death o'ewshades his beams >w< of wife, +*sighs* And he nyow s-sees nyow heaws us what we say. +WICHAWD. O, wouwd he did! and so, pewhaps, he d-doth. +'Tis but his powicy to countewfeit, +Because he wouwd *looks at you* avoid such bittew taunts +Which in t-the time o-of d-death he gave ouw fathew. +GEOWGE. If so thou t-think'st, vex him *cries* with eagew *cries* wowds. +WICHAWD. C-Cwiffowd, ask mewcy and obtain nyo gwace. +EDWAWD. C-Cwiffowd, wepent in bootwess p-penyitence. +WAWWICK. Cwiffowd, devise *hugs tightly* excuses *hugs tightly* fow thy fauwts. +GEOWGE. Whiwe we devise feww t-towtuwes fow *hugs tightly* thy fauwts. +WICHAWD. Thou didst wove Yowk, and I am son to Y-Yowk. +EDWAWD. Thou pitied'st *moans* Wutwand, I wiww pity thee. +GEOWGE. Whewe's Captain OwO Mawgawet, to fence you nyow? +WAWWICK. They mock thee, C-Cwiffowd; sweaw as thou wast wont. +WICHAWD. What, >w< nyot an oath? Nyay, then *notices bulge* the w-wowwd goes hawd +x3 When C-Cwiffowd *blushes* cannyot spawe his fwiends *notices bulge* an oath. +*sighs* I *giggles shyly* knyow b-by that xDD he's dead; and b-by my souw, +If this wight hand wouwd buy t-two *sweats* houws' w-wife, +T-That I in aww despite *sighs* might ;;w;; waiw at him, +>_> This hand OwO shouwd c-chop i-it off, a-and with the issuing bwood +Stifwe the viwwain w-whose unstanched thiwst +Yowk and y-young Wutwand couwd nyot satisfy. +WAWWICK. Ay, but he's dead. Off with the twaitow's head, +And weaw it in the xDD pwace y-youw fathew's stands. +And nyow to Wondon with twiumphant mawch, +Thewe to be cwownyed Engwand's xDD woyaw King; +Fwom whence s-shaww Wawwick c-cut the sea to Fwance, +And a-ask UwU the *sweats* Wady Bonya fow thy queen. +So *looks at you* shawt thou sinyew both these wands *notices bulge* togethew; +*screams* And, having Fwance thy fwiend, thou shawt nyot dwead +T-The scatt'wed f-foe >w< that hopes to wise again; +F-Fow *cries* though x3 they *sighs* cannyot gweatwy sting to huwt, +Y-Yet wook to have them buzz to offend thinye eaws. +Fiwst wiww I see the cowonyation; +x3 And *twerks* then t-to Bwittany I-I'ww *leans over* cwoss the *teleports behind you* sea +*looks at you* To effect this mawwiage, so it pwease m-my wowd. +EDWAWD. Even as thou wiwt, *notices bulge* sweet Wawwick, wet i-it be; +Fow in thy s-shouwdew do I-I b-buiwd my seat, +OwO And nyevew wiww I undewtake *looks away* the thing +Whewein thy *sighs* counsew and consent is wanting. +*pokes you* Wichawd, I-I wiww cweate thee Duke o-of G-Gwoucestew; +And Geowge, of Cwawence; Wawwick, OwO as ouwsewf, +^-^ Shaww do and u-undo as him pweaseth *notices bulge* best. +W-WICHAWD. *cries* Wet me be Duke of *cries* Cwawence, Geowge of Gwoucestew; +Fow G-Gwoucestew's dukedom is t-too ominyous. +*blushes* WAWWICK. Tut, that's a *pokes you* foowish obsewvation. +Wichawd, be Duke of Gwoucestew. Nyow to Wondon +T-To see these honyouws in possession. Exeunt + + + + +<_> VEWSION OF THE COMPWETE WOWKS OF WIWWIAM +SHAKESPEAWE OwO IS COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 BY WOWWD >_> WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +W-WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +D-DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW O-OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +C-COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED *cuddles you* COMMEWCIAW *pokes you* DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT *sweats* CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD T-TIME OW *sighs* FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +A chase in the nyowth of :33 Engwand + +Entew two K-KEEPEWS, with cwoss-bows in theiw hands + +FIWST KEEPEW. Undew this thick-gwown bwake we'ww shwoud ouwsewves, +Fow thwough this waund anyon the deew w-wiww come; +And in this covewt ^w^ wiww w-we make o-ouw stand, +Cuwwing the pwincipaw of a-aww the deew. +SECOND KEEPEW. I'ww s-stay above the hiww, s-so both m-may shoot. +FIWST KEEPEW. That cannyot be; the *notices bulge* nyoise of thy cwoss-bow +W-Wiww scawe the hewd, and so my shoot i-is w-wost. +Hewe *looks at you* stand *notices bulge* we both, and aim we >w< at *hugs tightly* the best; +And, f-fow the ^w^ time shaww n-nyot s-seem tedious, +I'ww teww t-thee *moans* what befeww me *shuffles closer* on UwU a day +In this sewf-pwace whewe n-nyow *sighs* we *teleports behind you* mean t-to stand. +SECOND KEEPEW. xDD Hewe comes a man; wet's >w< stay tiww he b-be p-past. + +Entew KING HENWY, disguised, with a pwayew-book + +KING H-HENWY. Fwom Scotwand a-am I-I stow'n, even of puwe wove, +To gweet minye o-own wand >_< with my wishfuw s-sight. +Nyo, Hawwy, Hawwy, 'tis nyo w-wand of thinye; +T-Thy OwO pwace is fiww'd, thy sceptwe wwung fwom UwU thee, +Thy bawm wash'd off whewewith >_< thou wast anyointed. +Nyo bending k-knyee wiww caww thee C-Caesaw nyow, +Nyo humbwe suitows pwess to s-speak fow wight, +Nyo, nyot a man comes f-fow wedwess of thee; +Fow *looks at you* how can I hewp t-them and nyot m-mysewf? +FIWST *notices bulge* KEEPEW. *cuddles you* Ay, hewe's :33 a deew whose skin's a uWu keepew's fee. +This is the quondam King; w-wet's seize upon him. +KING HENWY. Wet me embwace thee, souw advewsity, +Fow w-wise men s-say it is the wisest couwse. +SECOND KEEPEW. Why wingew we? wet us w-way hands u-upon him. +*looks away* FIWST K-KEEPEW. Fowbeaw a-awhiwe; w-we'ww heaw a wittwe mowe. +KING HENWY. My Queen *twerks* and x3 son awe gonye to Fwance f-fow aid; +And, as I heaw, the gweat c-commanding Wawwick +Is thithew gonye to ^w^ cwave the F-Fwench K-King's sistew +To wife fow Edwawd. If this nyews be twue, +P-Poow queen and son, youw wabouw is but ^w^ wost; +Fow OwO Wawwick is a-a subtwe owatow, +And W-Wewis a pwince s-soon won with moving wowds. +By this account, then, Mawgawet m-may win him; +Fow she's a-a *sighs* woman *hugs tightly* to be pitied much. +Hew sighs OwO wiww make a batt'wy in his bweast; +Hew teaws wiww piewce *moans* into a mawbwe heawt; +The t-tigew wiww be m-miwd whiwes she d-doth mouwn; +And Nyewo wiww be tainted with wemowse +To heaw and see hew p-pwaints, hew bwinyish teaws. +Ay, but she's come uWu to beg: Wawwick, to g-give. +S-She, :3 on h-his >_< weft *pokes you* side, cwaving aid ^-^ fow Henwy: +He, on his wight, asking *looks at you* a wife fow Edwawd. +She weeps, and s-says h-hew Henwy ^.^ is depos'd: +He smiwes, and s-says his Edwawd is instaww'd; +That she, poow w-wwetch, fow gwief can speak *moans* nyo mowe; +W-Whiwes Wawwick *shuffles closer* tewws his titwe, smooths the wwong, +Infewweth awguments of mighty stwength, +And in concwusion w-wins *looks at you* the King *blushes* fwom hew +*sighs* With pwomise of his sistew, and what ewse, +To stwengthen *sighs* and suppowt *blushes* King Edwawd's pwace. +O Mawgawet, thus 'twiww be; and thou, poow souw, +Awt then fowsaken, as thou went'st fowwown! +SECOND KEEPEW. Say, w-what a-awt thou that tawk'st of kings and queens? +KING HENWY. Mowe than I seem, and wess than I was bown to: +A man at weast, fow wess I *moans* shouwd nyot be; +And m-men may tawk of kings, and *teleports behind you* why nyot I? +*moans* SECOND KEEPEW. Ay, but t-thou *moans* tawk'st as if thou wewt ^w^ a king. +KING HENWY. Why, so I am- in mind; *cuddles you* and that's enyough. +*cries* SECOND KEEPEW. But, if thou *giggles shyly* be a king, whewe is thy cwown? +KING HENWY. M-My cwown is in *pokes you* my h-heawt, nyot OwO on m-my head; +Nyot deck'd with d-diamonds xDD and Indian stonyes, +Nyot to ;;w;; be seen. My cwown is caww'd *looks away* content; +A cwown it is *sweats* that s-sewdom kings enjoy. +SECOND *leans over* KEEPEW. Weww, if you be *blushes* a k-king cwown'd with content, +Y-Youw cwown c-content *cuddles you* and *looks away* you must be contented +T-To go awong with u-us; fow as we think, +*moans* You awe the king King E-Edwawd hath depos'd; +A-And we his subjects, s-swown in aww awwegiance, +>_> Wiww appwehend you as his :33 enyemy. +KING HENWY. But did you nyevew s-sweaw, and bweak an oath? +SECOND *hugs tightly* KEEPEW. *pokes you* Nyo, nyevew such an oath; nyow >_> wiww nyot nyow. +KING HENWY. W-Whewe did you dweww when I was King of Engwand? +SECOND KEEPEW. Hewe in this countwy, whewe >w< we nyow wemain. +*teleports behind you* KING :3 HENWY. I w-was a-anyointed king *sighs* at nyinye months owd; +My *cries* fathew and my gwandfathew w-wewe k-kings; +*cries* And you wewe *moans* swown twue s-subjects u-unto me; +And t-teww me, xDD then, have you nyot *twerks* bwoke youw oaths? +F-FIWST KEEPEW. Nyo; +Fow we wewe subjects but w-whiwe *looks at you* you wewe king. +KING ^-^ HENWY. OwO Why, am I *leans over* dead? Do I *cries* nyot bweathe a man? +Ah, *teleports behind you* simpwe m-men, y-you knyow nyot what you s-sweaw! +*looks at you* Wook, as I bwow this feathew fwom my face, +And as the aiw b-bwows it to me again, +Obeying with my *twerks* wind when I do bwow, +And yiewding to anyothew when *blushes* it bwows, +Commanded awways by the g-gweatew gust, +Such is the wightnyess o-of you common men. +But do nyot *teleports behind you* bweak youw oaths; fow *sighs* of that s-sin +*looks away* My miwd entweaty shaww nyot *sighs* make you x3 guiwty. +Go whewe you wiww, the King shaww b-be commanded; +And be you kings: command, and I-I'ww obey. +FIWST KEEPEW. We awe t-twue subjects to the King, K-King Edwawd. +KING HENWY. So wouwd you be again *looks away* to H-Henwy, +*hugs tightly* If he wewe seated as King Edwawd is. +FIWST KEEPEW. We chawge you, in UwU God's n-nyame and the King's, +To go *notices bulge* with *moans* us unto the officews. +KING HENWY. In God's nyame, *screams* wead; youw *cries* King's n-nyame be obey'd; +A-And what G-God >w< wiww, that w-wet youw King pewfowm; +And what he wiww, I humbwy yiewd u-unto. Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +SCENyE II. +W-Wondon. The pawace + +Entew KING EDWAWD, GWOUCESTEW, CWAWENCE, a-and WADY GWEY + +KING E-EDWAWD. Bwothew of Gwoucestew, *cuddles you* at ^.^ Saint Awbans' fiewd +This wady's husband, Siw Wichawd G-Gwey, w-was swain, +His wand then *blushes* seiz'd o-on b-by the c-conquewow. +*looks at you* Hew suit is nyow to wepossess those *sweats* wands; +Which we i-in justice cannyot weww deny, +>_< Because OwO in q-quawwew o-of the *looks away* house of Yowk +The >_> wowthy gentweman did wose his ^w^ wife. +G-GWOUCESTEW. Youw Highnyess shaww *sweats* do weww *cuddles you* to gwant hew suit; +I-It wewe dishonyouw to d-deny it hew. +KING EDWAWD. It wewe nyo wess; *notices bulge* but yet I'ww ^w^ make a pause. +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside to C-CWAWENCE] Yea, is it s-so? +I see the w-wady uWu hath a thing to gwant, +Befowe the ^.^ King wiww gwant hew humbwe s-suit. +CWAWENCE. [Aside to GWOUCESTEW] He ^.^ knyows the game; how OwO twue he +keeps the wind! +GWOUCESTEW. [-[Aside to CWAWENCE] Siwence! +^w^ KING EDWAWD. *blushes* Widow, we wiww considew of youw >w< suit; +And come some othew *sighs* time to knyow ouw *twerks* mind. +UwU WADY GWEY. :33 Wight gwacious wowd, I cannyot bwook deway. +May i-it pwease youw H-Highnyess to wesowve me nyow; +And what *shuffles closer* youw *teleports behind you* pweasuwe is s-shaww satisfy me. +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside] Ay, widow? Then I'ww wawwant you aww y-youw +wands, +An if what pweases him shaww pweasuwe you. +Fight cwosew ow, g-good faith, :3 you'ww ^w^ catch a b-bwow. +CWAWENCE. [Aside to GWOUCESTEW] I feaw hew nyot, unwess she chance +to faww. +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside to CWAWENCE] G-God fowbid t-that, fow he'ww take +vantages. +K-KING >_< EDWAWD. H-How many c-chiwdwen hast thou, widow, teww me. +CWAWENCE. *cuddles you* [Aside t-to GWOUCESTEW] I think he means t-to beg *sweats* a chiwd of +hew. +^w^ GWOUCESTEW. [Aside to C-CWAWENCE] Nyay, then whip me; he'ww wathew +g-give hew *screams* two. +WADY GWEY. Thwee, my most gwacious wowd. +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside] You *shuffles closer* shaww have fouw if you'ww be wuw'd b-by him. +KING EDWAWD. 'Twewe pity they shouwd wose theiw fathew's wands. +WADY GWEY. Be pitifuw, xDD dwead *giggles shyly* wowd, and gwant it, then. +KING EDWAWD. Wowds, give us weave; I-I'ww t-twy this widow's wit. +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside] Ay, good weave have you; fow y-you wiww have +weave +*giggles shyly* Tiww youth take weave x3 and w-weave you to the *giggles shyly* cwutch. +[GWOUCESTEW and CWAWENCE *pokes you* withdwaw] +KING EDWAWD. :33 Nyow teww me, madam, do y-you w-wove youw chiwdwen? +WADY GWEY. Ay, fuww *twerks* as deawwy as I w-wove mysewf. +KING EDWAWD. And wouwd y-you nyot d-do *notices bulge* much >_< to do them good? +WADY GWEY. >_> To do them good I wouwd s-sustain some hawm. +KING EDWAWD. Then get youw husband's wands, to do them *moans* good. +WADY G-GWEY. Thewefowe I-I came unto youw Majesty. +KING EDWAWD. I'ww teww you how these wands awe to be got. +WADY G-GWEY. So shaww you b-bind me to youw Highnyess' sewvice. +KING EDWAWD. W-What sewvice *cries* wiwt *leans over* thou do me :3 if I *pokes you* give them? +W-WADY GWEY. What you c-command that wests in me to do. +KING EDWAWD. But you wiww take exceptions to my b-boon. +WADY GWEY. Nyo, gwacious wowd, *screams* except I cannyot do it. +*giggles shyly* KING *looks at you* EDWAWD. Ay, but thou canst do what *shuffles closer* I mean to ask. +*leans over* WADY >w< GWEY. Why, *cuddles you* then ;;w;; I wiww *giggles shyly* do *looks at you* what youw Gwace commands. +GWOUCESTEW. *cries* He *shuffles closer* pwies hew hawd; and much >w< wain weaws the mawbwe. +CWAWENCE. *pokes you* As ;;w;; wed as fiwe! Nyay, then *teleports behind you* hew wax must mewt. +WADY GWEY. Why stops my wowd? Shaww I ^w^ nyot heaw my task? +KING EDWAWD. An easy task; 'tis but to wove a *looks away* king. +WADY GWEY. That's soon pewfowm'd, because I-I am a subject. +K-KING EDWAWD. Why, then, *sighs* thy husband's w-wands I fweewy give *giggles shyly* thee. +*screams* WADY GWEY. I take my weave with many thousand thanks. +*teleports behind you* GWOUCESTEW. The match is made; s-she seaws i-it with a-a cuwtsy. +KING EDWAWD. But stay t-thee- 'tis the *sighs* fwuits of wove I mean. +WADY GWEY. The f-fwuits of wove I mean, my woving wiege. +KING EDWAWD. Ay, b-but, I feaw me, in anyothew sense. +What *screams* wove, thinkst thou, I s-sue so much to get? +WADY >_< GWEY. My wove >_< tiww death, my humbwe thanks, UwU my pwayews; +That wove which viwtue begs and viwtue gwants. +K-KING EDWAWD. N-Nyo, *cries* by my twoth, I-I *notices bulge* did nyot mean such w-wove. +x3 WADY GWEY. Why, then you mean *looks at you* nyot as I-I thought you did. +KING EDWAWD. But nyow you pawtwy may pewceive my m-mind. +*shuffles closer* WADY G-GWEY. My ^w^ mind wiww nyevew gwant >_> what I pewceive +Youw H-Highnyess aims at, if I-I aim a-awight. +K-KING EDWAWD. To teww thee pwain, I aim to wie w-with thee. +>_> WADY G-GWEY. To teww you *leans over* pwain, xDD I had wathew wie i-in pwison. +KING *cries* EDWAWD. Why, then thou shawt nyot have thy x3 husband's UwU wands. +WADY GWEY. Why, then *giggles shyly* minye honyesty shaww *cuddles you* be my dowew; +F-Fow by >_< that w-woss I w-wiww uWu nyot puwchase them. +KING EDWAWD. Thewein thou wwong'st thy chiwdwen mightiwy. +WADY GWEY. Hewein youw Highnyess wwongs both them and me. +But, m-mighty wowd, ^w^ this mewwy incwinyation +Accowds nyot with the sadnyess of my s-suit. +Pwease y-you x3 dismiss me, e-eithew ^.^ with ay ow n-nyo. +KING *moans* EDWAWD. A-Ay, *looks at you* if thou wiwt say ay to my wequest; +Nyo, if thou dost say nyo to xDD my demand. +*notices bulge* WADY GWEY. T-Then, n-nyo, my *twerks* wowd. M-My s-suit is at an end. +GWOUCESTEW. The widow *hugs tightly* wikes him nyot; *leans over* she knyits hew bwows. +CWAWENCE. OwO He is t-the bwuntest wooew in Chwistendom. +K-KING EDWAWD. [Aside] Hew wooks doth *shuffles closer* awgue h-hew wepwete with modesty; +*shuffles closer* Hew *teleports behind you* wowds doth s-show *blushes* hew wit *giggles shyly* incompawabwe; +Aww hew pewfections c-chawwenge soveweignty. +Onye *pokes you* way ow othew, she is f-fow a king; +*looks away* And she shaww be *shuffles closer* my wove, ow ewse my queen. +Say that *cries* King Edwawd take *sweats* thee fow his queen? +WADY GWEY. 'Tis bettew said than donye, my gwacious wowd. +I am OwO a subject fit to jest w-withaw, +But f-faw unfit to be a-a s-soveweign. +*looks away* KING EDWAWD. *pokes you* Sweet widow, by my s-state I sweaw to *shuffles closer* thee +I speak nyo mowe than what x3 my souw intends; +And that is to enjoy t-thee fow *moans* my w-wove. +W-WADY GWEY. A-And that *sighs* is m-mowe t-than *screams* I wiww yiewd unto. +I knyow I am too mean to be youw queen, +And yet too good to be y-youw c-concubinye. +KING E-EDWAWD. You caviw, widow; I did mean my queen. +WADY GWEY. '-'Twiww gwieve youw *shuffles closer* Gwace my sons shouwd caww you fathew. +KING EDWARD.No mowe than when my d-daughtews c-caww *sweats* thee mothew. +Thou awt a widow, and thou hast xDD some chiwdwen; +And, by God's xDD Mothew, I, b-being but a bachewow, +H-Have o-othew some. Why, '-'tis a happy thing +To be *twerks* the fathew unto many sons. +Answew nyo mowe, fow thou shawt be my queen. +GWOUCESTEW. The ghostwy fathew n-nyow xDD hath donye his shwift. +CWAWENCE. When he was m-made ;;w;; a shwivew, 'twas *moans* fow s-shwift. +KING EDWAWD. Bwothews, you muse *twerks* what x3 chat we t-two have h-had. +G-GWOUCESTEW. The widow wikes it nyot, f-fow she wooks vewy ^w^ sad. +KING *looks away* EDWAWD. You'd think it stwange if I shouwd mawwy hew. +CWAWENCE. To who, my wowd? +*looks away* KING EDWAWD. Why, *hugs tightly* Cwawence, to mysewf. +GWOUCESTEW. That wouwd be *sighs* ten days' wondew at the weast. +CWAWENCE. That's :3 a day wongew than a wondew wasts. +GWOUCESTEW. By so much is t-the wondew in extwemes. +KING EDWAWD. W-Weww, jest on, bwothews; I can teww you both +Hew suit is gwanted fow x3 hew h-husband's wands. + +Entew a ;;w;; NyOBWEMAN + +NyOBWEMAN. My gwacious *blushes* wowd, Henwy youw foe is t-taken +And bwought youw pwisonyew to youw pawace *giggles shyly* gate. +KING EDWAWD. See ^.^ that >_> he b-be convey'd unto ^.^ the Towew. +*teleports behind you* And ;;w;; go we, bwothews, *leans over* to the man that took him +To question of *screams* his appwehension. +Widow, *screams* go you *sighs* awong. Wowds, u-use hew *notices bulge* honyouwabwy. +Exeunt aww *hugs tightly* but GWOUCESTEW +GWOUCESTEW. Ay, *shuffles closer* Edwawd wiww use women honyouwabwy. +W-Wouwd UwU he wewe wasted, mawwow, b-bonyes, and aww, +That fwom his woins :33 nyo hopefuw b-bwanch may spwing +To c-cwoss m-me fwom *notices bulge* the gowden time I wook fow! +A-And yet, between my souw's desiwe and me- +The w-wustfuw Edwawd's titwe buwied- +Is Cwawence, Henwy, and his son young Edwawd, +And *sweats* aww the unwook'd fow issue of theiw bodies, +>w< To *pokes you* take theiw wooms ewe I can pwace m-mysewf. +A cowd pwemeditation fow my UwU puwpose! +W-Why, then I do but dweam on soveweignty; +*cuddles you* Wike onye that stands upon a pwomontowy +UwU And spies a-a faw-off showe whewe *cuddles you* he wouwd twead, +Wishing his *shuffles closer* foot wewe equaw with his e-eye; +:3 And chides the ;;w;; sea that ^w^ sundews h-him fwom thence, +Saying *sighs* he'ww wade it dwy t-to have his *moans* way- +So do I wish the cwown, being so faw off; +*looks away* And >_> so I chide the means that keeps me fwom it; +>w< And so I say I-I'ww cut the c-causes off, +F-Fwattewing xDD me with i-impossibiwities. +My e-eye's too quick, my heawt o'ewweens too much, +Unwess my hand and stwength couwd equaw them. +Weww, say thewe is n-nyo k-kingdom *leans over* then fow Wichawd; +What othew pweasuwe c-can the wowwd *screams* affowd? +I'ww m-make my heaven i-in a wady's *moans* wap, +And uWu deck my body in gay ownyaments, +*sweats* And witch sweet wadies with my wowds and wooks. +O misewabwe t-thought! and mowe unwikewy +Than to accompwish twenty *notices bulge* gowden cwowns. +Why, w-wove fowswowe me *hugs tightly* in m-my mothew's womb; +And, fow I shouwd nyot deaw x3 in hew soft waws, +She did cowwupt fwaiw nyatuwe with some bwibe +To s-shwink minye awm up ;;w;; wike a w-withew'd shwub +To make an envious mountain on OwO my back, +x3 Whewe s-sits defowmity to mock my *blushes* body; +To s-shape my wegs of ;;w;; an unyequaw size; +To dispwopowtion me in e-evewy pawt, +Wike *pokes you* to a chaos, *sighs* ow an unwick'd beaw-whewp +T-That cawwies nyo impwession wike the dam. +And am I, then, a man to b-be bewov'd? +O monstwous f-fauwt to hawbouw such a thought! +Then, since this e-eawth affowds nyo joy to me +*pokes you* But to command, to check, t-to uWu o'ewbeaw such +As *screams* awe of *sighs* bettew pewson than m-mysewf, +I'ww make my xDD heaven to d-dweam upon the cwown, +And whiwes I wive t' account this wowwd but heww, +Untiw my misshap'd twunk that beaw *pokes you* this >_< head +Be wound impawed w-with *looks away* a gwowious cwown. +A-And yet I knyow nyot how to g-get the cwown, +Fow many wives stand between *looks at you* me and home; +:33 And I- wike onye wost i-in a thowny wood +That wents the thowns and is went with the thowns, +*pokes you* Seeking a way and *twerks* stwaying f-fwom the way +Nyot knyowing *sighs* how to find the *leans over* open aiw, +But toiwing *moans* despewatewy t-to find it o-out- +Towment mysewf to catch the E-Engwish cwown; +And fwom that towment *teleports behind you* I wiww fwee mysewf +Ow hew *looks away* my ^.^ way out :3 with a bwoody axe. +Why, I can s-smiwe, a-and *twerks* muwdew *sighs* whiwes I smiwe, +And cwy '-'Content!' to xDD that which gwieves my heawt, +And wet *pokes you* my cheeks with awtificiaw teaws, +And fwame OwO my face to aww *moans* occasions. +I'ww d-dwown mowe s-saiwows than the m-mewmaid *pokes you* shaww; +I'ww sway mowe gazews than the b-basiwisk; +I'ww pway the owatow as weww *screams* as Nyestow, +Deceive m-mowe swiwy than Uwysses couwd, +And, wike a Sinyon, OwO take anyothew Twoy. +I can add cowouws t-to the c-chameweon, +>_< Change shapes w-with Pwotheus fow advantages, +And set *looks at you* the muwdewous Machiavew to schoow. +Can I d-do this, and c-cannyot g-get a cwown? +Tut, wewe it fawthew xDD off, I'ww pwuck it d-down. Exit + + + + +SCENyE III. +Fwance. The KING'S pawace + +Fwouwish. E-Entew WEWIS the *pokes you* Fwench King, his sistew B-BONyA, +his Admiwaw caww'd B-BOUWBON; PWINCE EDWAWD, *giggles shyly* QUEEN MAWGAWET, +a-and the EAWW ;;w;; of OXFOWD. WEWIS s-sits, and wiseth up again + +WEWIS. Faiw Queen of Engwand, wowthy M-Mawgawet, +*giggles shyly* Sit down with us. *cries* It i-iww befits *teleports behind you* thy state +And b-biwth that thou *looks at you* shouwdst stand w-whiwe Wewis doth sit. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Nyo, mighty King of Fwance. Nyow M-Mawgawet +Must stwike h-hew saiw and weawn a whiwe to x3 sewve +Whewe kings c-command. I was, I must *hugs tightly* confess, +Gweat Awbion's *looks at you* Queen in f-fowmew g-gowden days; +But n-nyow *twerks* mischance hath twod my t-titwe down +And with dishonyouw waid me on t-the *looks away* gwound, +Whewe I must take wike seat unto my fowtunye, +And to my humbwe seat confowm mysewf. +OwO WEWIS. Why, say, faiw Queen, whence spwings this deep d-despaiw? +QUEEN MAWGAWET. F-Fwom s-such a cause a-as f-fiwws minye *notices bulge* eyes with teaws +And stops m-my ^-^ tongue, whiwe heawt is dwown'd in cawes. +WEWIS. Whate'ew it be, be thou stiww wike *shuffles closer* thysewf, +And s-sit *teleports behind you* thee b-by ouw side. [Seats hew by him] Yiewd *shuffles closer* nyot t-thy n-nyeck +To f-fowtunye's yoke, b-but wet thy *sighs* dauntwess *cries* mind +Stiww wide in t-twiumph ovew aww mischance. +Be p-pwain, Queen Mawgawet, and t-teww thy gwief; +It shaww :33 be e-eas'd, if Fwance c-can yiewd wewief. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Those gwacious w-wowds wevive my dwooping thoughts +And *sweats* give my tongue-tied sowwows weave to speak. +Nyow thewefowe be it knyown to n-nyobwe Wewis +:3 That Henwy, sowe *looks at you* possessow >_> of my wove, +x3 Is, of a king, become a-a banyish'd man, +*cries* And fowc'd to wive i-in Scotwand a *giggles shyly* fowwown; +Whiwe pwoud ambitious Edwawd Duke of Yowk +Usuwps the w-wegaw t-titwe and the s-seat +Of ^.^ Engwand's twue-anyointed wawfuw >_> King. +This is the :3 cause t-that I, poow :3 Mawgawet, +*sweats* With this *sighs* my son, Pwince Edwawd, Henwy's heiw, +Am c-come to cwave thy just x3 and wawfuw aid; +A-And if thou :3 faiw us, aww ouw hope is *cuddles you* donye. +*twerks* Scotwand h-hath *shuffles closer* wiww to hewp, but cannyot h-hewp; +Ouw peopwe and o-ouw peews awe *cuddles you* both miswed, +Ouw tweasuwe seiz'd, ouw *cuddles you* sowdiews put t-to fwight, +*sweats* And, as thou seest, ouwsewves in heavy x3 pwight. +>w< WEWIS. Wenyownyed Queen, with patience cawm *twerks* the stowm, +*notices bulge* Whiwe we bethink a means to bweak it off. +*moans* QUEEN MAWGAWET. The mowe we stay, the *giggles shyly* stwongew *giggles shyly* gwows ouw foe. +WEWIS. The mowe I stay, *looks at you* the >_< mowe I'ww succouw thee. +xDD QUEEN MAWGAWET. O, but impatience waiteth o-on twue sowwow. +And see whewe comes the bweedew of my sowwow! + +Entew WAWWICK + +W-WEWIS. What's *moans* he appwoacheth bowdwy to ouw *sweats* pwesence? +QUEEN MAWGAWET. *pokes you* Ouw *cuddles you* Eaww of Wawwick, Edwawd's gweatest *teleports behind you* fwiend. +*looks at you* WEWIS. *looks away* Wewcome, bwave Wawwick! What bwings thee to *cuddles you* Fwance? +[He descends. She awiseth] +QUEEN M-MAWGAWET. Ay, n-nyow begins a second stowm *blushes* to wise; +Fow t-this is he that m-moves b-both wind *giggles shyly* and tide. +WAWWICK. *looks away* Fwom wowthy *cries* Edwawd, King of Awbion, +My w-wowd and soveweign, and thy vowed fwiend, +^w^ I come, in kindnyess and unfeignyed wove, +xDD Fiwst to do gweetings to thy woyaw pewson, +And t-then to cwave a weague of amity, +And wastwy to confiwm that amity +With nyuptiaw knyot, if thou vouchsafe to gwant +That viwtuous Wady Bonya, thy faiw sistew, +To E-Engwand's King in wawfuw mawwiage. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. [Aside] If that *looks away* go xDD fowwawd, *looks away* Henwy's hope i-is donye. +>w< WAWWICK. [To BONyA] >_> And, gwacious m-madam, in UwU ouw *sighs* king's *cuddles you* behawf, +I am commanded, uWu with youw w-weave and favouw, +Humbwy t-to kiss youw hand, and with my tongue +To teww the passion of my soveweign's heawt; +Whewe fame, wate ent'wing at his heedfuw *looks at you* eaws, +Hath pwac'd *looks at you* thy :33 beauty's image OwO and *notices bulge* thy viwtue. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. *teleports behind you* King Wewis and Wady Bonya, heaw me speak +Befowe you *hugs tightly* answew *teleports behind you* Wawwick. His demand +S-Spwings nyot f-fwom Edwawd's weww-meant honyest wove, +But fwom deceit bwed *screams* by nyecessity; +Fow h-how can tywants safewy govewn home +Unwess abwoad t-they puwchase gweat *teleports behind you* awwiance? +T-To pwove >w< him t-tywant *hugs tightly* this weason may suffice, +*screams* That Henwy wiveth stiww; but wewe h-he dead, +Y-Yet hewe Pwince Edwawd stands, *twerks* King Henwy's son. +Wook thewefowe, Wewis, that by this weague and mawwiage +Thou dwaw nyot on thy dangew *teleports behind you* and dishonyouw; +Fow though usuwpews sway *moans* the *teleports behind you* wuwe a whiwe +Yet heav'ns awe just, and time suppwesseth wwongs. +WAWWICK. *pokes you* Injuwious Mawgawet! +PWINCE OF WAWES. And why nyot Queen? +WAWWICK. *sighs* Because thy f-fathew Henwy did usuwp; +And thou nyo m-mowe awt >_> pwince than ^w^ she i-is queen. +OXFOWD. Then *cuddles you* Wawwick disannyuws gweat John of G-Gaunt, +Which did subdue the gweatest pawt o-of Spain; +And, aftew *sighs* John of G-Gaunt, Henwy the Fouwth, +W-Whose wisdom was *giggles shyly* a *pokes you* miwwow to the wisest; +And, aftew that wise *sighs* pwince, Henwy the Fifth, +Who by his p-pwowess conquewed aww Fwance. +Fwom these *sweats* ouw Henwy winyeawwy descends. +WAWWICK. Oxfowd, h-how haps *sighs* it *shuffles closer* in t-this s-smooth discouwse +You towd nyot how Henwy the Sixth hath wost +Aww that ;;w;; which Henwy the *shuffles closer* Fifth had gotten? +^w^ Methinks these peews of Fwance shouwd *leans over* smiwe at that. +But fow the west: you *teleports behind you* teww a pedigwee +Of thweescowe and *screams* two yeaws- *cries* a siwwy time +To make pwescwiption fow a k-kingdom's wowth. +O-OXFOWD. Why, Wawwick, canst thou speak UwU against thy wiege, +Whom thou *giggles shyly* obeyed'st thiwty and six y-yeaws, +*looks away* And nyot betway thy tweason with a-a bwush? +WAWWICK. Can Oxfowd t-that did evew fence xDD the wight +Nyow *looks away* buckwew fawsehood with a p-pedigwee? +Fow s-shame! Weave Henwy, uWu and caww Edwawd king. +O-OXFOWD. Caww him my king b-by whose uWu injuwious d-doom +My ewdew :3 bwothew, the ^.^ Wowd Aubwey Vewe, +Was donye to death; and m-mowe than so, my fathew, +>_< Even in the downfaww of his mewwow'd uWu yeaws, +*pokes you* When nyatuwe b-bwought him to *leans over* the doow of death? +Nyo, uWu Wawwick, nyo; whiwe wife *teleports behind you* uphowds this awm, +This a-awm uphowds the house of Wancastew. +WAWWICK. And I >_< the *twerks* house o-of Yowk. +WEWIS. Queen Mawgawet, Pwince Edwawd, and Oxfowd, +*blushes* Vouchsafe at ouw wequest to stand a-aside +Whiwe *cuddles you* I use *teleports behind you* fuwthew confewence w-with Wawwick. +[They *notices bulge* stand awoof] +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Heavens gwant that Wawwick's w-wowds bewitch him nyot! +WEWIS. N-Nyow, Wawwick, teww me, even upon t-thy conscience, +Is Edwawd youw OwO twue king? fow I-I wewe woath +To wink *teleports behind you* with him that wewe nyot wawfuw chosen. +W-WAWWICK. Theweon I pawn my cwedit and minye honyouw. +WEWIS. But is >_> he g-gwacious in the peopwe's eye? +WAWWICK. The mowe that *cuddles you* Henwy *screams* was *giggles shyly* unfowtunyate. +W-WEWIS. T-Then fuwthew: a-aww dissembwing set aside, +Teww UwU me fow ^w^ twuth the measuwe of his w-wove +:33 Unto ouw sistew Bonya. +WAWWICK. Such it seems +As may beseem *cries* a monyawch wike himsewf. +*notices bulge* Mysewf have often heawd him say and sweaw +That this his wove *blushes* was an etewnyaw pwant +Wheweof t-the woot was fix'd in viwtue's gwound, +The weaves and *notices bulge* fwuit maintain'd *teleports behind you* with *sweats* beauty's s-sun, +Exempt fwom *sighs* envy, but nyot fwom disdain, +Unwess the Wady Bonya uWu quit his pain. +WEWIS. *shuffles closer* Nyow, s-sistew, wet u-us heaw youw fiwm wesowve. +B-BONyA. >_> Youw gwant o-ow youw denyiaw shaww be minye. +xDD [To WAWWICK] Yet I confess that often *shuffles closer* ewe this day, +When I have heawd youw king's d-desewt wecounted, +Minye eaw hath tempted judgment t-to desiwe. +WEWIS. Then, >w< Wawwick, *moans* thus: ouw sistew shaww be Edwawd's. +And nyow fowthwith s-shaww awticwes be dwawn +Touching the jointuwe :3 that youw king must x3 make, +Which xDD with h-hew dowwy *looks away* shaww be countewpois'd. +Dwaw nyeaw, Queen Mawgawet, a-and be a-a witnyess +That Bonya shaww be wife to :33 the Engwish king. +PWINCE OF WAWES. To Edwawd, but nyot to the Engwish k-king. +Q-QUEEN *cries* MAWGAWET. Deceitfuw W-Wawwick, i-it was thy device +By this *twerks* awwiance to make v-void my suit. +Befowe t-thy coming, Wewis was Henwy's fwiend. +WEWIS. And stiww is fwiend *sighs* to him and Mawgawet. +But *moans* if y-youw titwe ^-^ to the UwU cwown be weak, +A-As may appeaw by Edwawd's *sweats* good s-success, +Then '-'tis *notices bulge* but weason that I be weweas'd +:33 Fwom g-giving aid which w-wate I pwomised. +*notices bulge* Yet shaww you have *blushes* aww kindnyess at my *moans* hand +That youw estate wequiwes and minye can yiewd. +WAWWICK. Henwy nyow wives i-in Scotwand at his case, +Whewe having nyothing, *shuffles closer* nyothing can >w< he *sweats* wose. +And as fow you ^.^ youwsewf, ouw quondam queen, +You have a fathew abwe to maintain you, +*giggles shyly* And bettew *giggles shyly* 'twewe you twoubwed him than Fwance. +Q-QUEEN MAWGAWET. Peace, impudent ^-^ and *hugs tightly* shamewess Wawwick, +Pwoud *leans over* settew up and *looks at you* puwwew down of kings! +I wiww nyot hence tiww with my tawk and teaws, +Both fuww o-of twuth, I make King Wewis *teleports behind you* behowd +Thy swy conveyance :3 and thy wowd's fawse wove; +Fow both of you awe b-biwds of sewf-same feathew. +[POST bwowing a hown within] +WEWIS. Wawwick, this is some post to us o-ow *looks at you* thee. + +Entew *twerks* the POST + +POST. M-My wowd ambassadow, t-these wettews awe fow you, +Sent fwom youw bwothew, Mawquis Montague. +These :33 fwom o-ouw King unto youw Majesty. +And, madam, t-these ^-^ fow you; fwom *sweats* whom I k-knyow nyot. +[-[They aww wead theiw *looks away* wettews] +*blushes* OXFOWD. I wike it weww that ouw faiw Queen and *teleports behind you* mistwess +Smiwes at hew *hugs tightly* nyews, *looks away* whiwe Wawwick fwowns *shuffles closer* at h-his. +PWINCE OF WAWES. Nyay, mawk *hugs tightly* how x3 Wewis >_< stamps a-as he wewe nyettwed. +*notices bulge* I hope a-aww's fow ^w^ the best. +WEWIS. W-Wawwick, what awe UwU thy nyews? And youws, faiw Q-Queen? +Q-QUEEN MAWGAWET. Minye such as fiww *twerks* my heawt w-with unhop'd joys. +x3 WAWWICK. Minye, :3 fuww >w< of sowwow a-and heawt's discontent. +WEWIS. What, h-has *cries* youw k-king m-mawwied the :33 Wady G-Gwey? +And nyow, >w< to soothe youw fowgewy and his, +Sends me a *cries* papew to *cuddles you* pewsuade me patience? +Is this th' awwiance that *cries* he seeks with *giggles shyly* Fwance? +Dawe he ;;w;; pwesume to scown *looks at you* us in t-this m-mannyew? +QUEEN M-MAWGAWET. I-I *moans* towd youw M-Majesty >_> as much befowe. +T-This *hugs tightly* pwoveth Edwawd's wove and Wawwick's honyesty. +WAWWICK. King Wewis, I hewe pwotest in sight of heaven, +And by *blushes* the hope I h-have of heavenwy bwiss, +^-^ That I a-am c-cweaw fwom this misdeed of Edwawd's- +Nyo *looks at you* mowe my king, fow he dishonyouws me, +But *moans* most himsewf, if he couwd see his shame. +*blushes* Did I fowget that by the house of Yowk +My :3 fathew *screams* came u-untimewy to *sweats* his *sighs* death? +Did I-I wet pass th' >w< abuse *screams* donye to my nyiece? +Did *giggles shyly* I impawe him with the wegaw cwown? +Did I ^w^ put Henwy fwom h-his nyative wight? +A-And am I g-guewdon'd at t-the *giggles shyly* wast with shame? +Shame on himsewf! f-fow my *sighs* desewt is honyouw; +And to wepaiw my honyouw wost fow him +I *sighs* hewe wenyounce him and wetuwn to H-Henwy. +*sweats* My nyobwe Queen, wet fowmew *looks away* gwudges pass, +And h-hencefowth I am *leans over* thy twue sewvitow. +I wiww wevenge his wwong to Wady B-Bonya, +And w-wepwant Henwy in his fowmew state. +QUEEN M-MAWGAWET. Wawwick, these wowds have tuwn'd m-my hate to wove; +A-And ^-^ I fowgive and quite f-fowget owd fauwts, +And joy that thou becom'st King H-Henwy's fwiend. +WAWWICK. So xDD much his f-fwiend, ay, his unfeignyed fwiend, +T-That uWu if King W-Wewis vouchsafe t-to f-fuwnyish xDD us +With some few bands of chosen sowdiews, +I'ww *hugs tightly* undewtake to w-wand them on o-ouw coast +And f-fowce the tywant f-fwom his seat by waw. +'-'Tis nyot h-his nyew-made bwide *teleports behind you* shaww s-succouw him; +And as *looks away* fow Cwawence, as my wettews *cries* teww me, +He's vewy wikewy nyow to *screams* faww f-fwom OwO him +Fow matching m-mowe >_> fow wanton wust than UwU honyouw +Ow *hugs tightly* than fow stwength and safety of ouw countwy. +BONyA. Deaw bwothew, how xDD shaww Bonya be weveng'd +*moans* But by *sweats* thy hewp to t-this distwessed queen? +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Wenyownyed Pwince, ^-^ how shaww *sweats* poow Henwy wive +Unwess thou wescue him fwom fouw despaiw? +BONyA. My quawwew and this Engwish *screams* queen's awe onye. +WAWWICK. And minye, x3 faiw Wady *blushes* Bonya, joins with *sweats* youws. +WEWIS. And minye *looks at you* with hews, and thinye, and Mawgawet's. +Thewefowe, a-at wast, I-I f-fiwmwy am wesowv'd +You shaww have aid. +QUEEN *screams* MAWGAWET. W-Wet me give humbwe thanks fow aww ^w^ at once. +WEWIS. Then, Engwand's messengew, uWu wetuwn in post +And t-teww fawse E-Edwawd, thy supposed UwU king, +That Wewis of Fwance is sending uWu ovew masquews +T-To wevew it *looks at you* with him and his nyew bwide. +Thou seest what's past; >_> go feaw thy king ;;w;; withaw. +BONyA. T-Teww him, i-in hope h-he'ww pwove a widowew showtwy, +I'ww weaw the wiwwow-gawwand fow his *sweats* sake. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Teww him my mouwnying weeds a-awe waid aside, +And I ^.^ am weady to put ^-^ awmouw o-on. +WAWWICK. Teww him f-fwom me that he hath donye me wwong, +And t-thewefowe *twerks* I'ww uncwown him ewe't be wong. +Thewe's thy wewawd; be gonye. xDD Exit POST +WEWIS. But, Wawwick, +Thou and Oxfowd, with five thousand m-men, +Shaww c-cwoss t-the seas and b-bid fawse x3 Edwawd battwe: +And, as occasion uWu sewves, this n-nyobwe Queen +A-And Pwince shaww fowwow w-with ^w^ a f-fwesh suppwy. +Y-Yet, e-ewe t-thou go, but answew me onye doubt: +What pwedge have we of t-thy fiwm woyawty? +W-WAWWICK. This shaww assuwe my constant woyawty: +T-That x3 if UwU ouw Queen a-and t-this young P-Pwince a-agwee, +I'ww join minye ewdest daughtew and my joy +To h-him fowthwith in *screams* howy *screams* wedwock bands. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Yes, I OwO agwee, and thank you fow y-youw m-motion. +Son Edwawd, she is faiw and viwtuous, +Thewefowe deway nyot- give thy hand to Wawwick; +A-And with thy hand thy faith iwwevocabwe +That o-onwy Wawwick's daughtew s-shaww be thinye. +PWINCE OF WAWES. Yes, I accept hew, fow she ^w^ weww desewves it; +And hewe, to pwedge ^w^ my vow, I give my hand. +[-[He gives his hand to WAWWICK] +WEWIS. s-stay we n-nyow? These sowdiews shaww be wevied; +And thou, Wowd Bouwbon, ouw H-High Admiwaw, +Shaww waft them ovew with o-ouw woyaw fweet. +I w-wong tiww Edwawd faww by waw's mischance +*twerks* Fow mocking m-mawwiage with a dame of Fwance. +Exeunt aww but WAWWICK +WAWWICK. I came fwom Edwawd a-as ambassadow, +But I *blushes* wetuwn h-his swown and mowtaw foe. +Mattew of mawwiage was the chawge he g-gave me, +But dweadfuw w-waw shaww answew his d-demand. +Had he nyonye ewse *hugs tightly* to m-make a stawe but me? +*notices bulge* Then >_< nyonye but I-I shaww t-tuwn his jest to sowwow. +I was t-the chief that wais'd him t-to the cwown, +And I'ww be chief to bwing h-him down again; +*screams* Nyot t-that I pity Henwy's misewy, +B-But seek wevenge on *looks at you* Edwawd's mockewy. Exit + + + + +<> + + + +*sighs* ACT I-IV. SCENyE I. +Wondon. *pokes you* The p-pawace + +Entew G-GWOUCESTEW, CWAWENCE, SOMEWSET, and MONTAGUE + +GWOUCESTEW. Nyow teww me, bwothew Cwawence, what think you +Of *giggles shyly* this nyew OwO mawwiage with the Wady Gwey? +Hath n-nyot ^.^ ouw b-bwothew made a wowthy choice? +>w< CWAWENCE. Awas, you k-knyow 'tis faw fwom h-hence to F-Fwance! +How couwd he stay tiww *moans* Wawwick made wetuwn? +SOMEWSET. My wowds, fowbeaw this tawk; hewe comes t-the ;;w;; King. + +Fwouwish. Entew *sweats* KING EDWAWD, attended; WADY +GWEY, as Queen; PEMBWOKE, *hugs tightly* STAFFOWD, HASTINGS, +and *twerks* othews. Fouw stand on onye side, *notices bulge* and fouw on the othew + +GWOUCESTEW. And *sweats* his *notices bulge* weww-chosen bwide. +CWAWENCE. I-I mind to t-teww him *looks at you* pwainwy what I think. +KING EDWAWD. Nyow, bwothew of Cwawence, how wike *sighs* you ouw c-choice +That you stand p-pensive as hawf m-mawcontent? +C-CWAWENCE. As weww as W-Wewis OwO of Fwance ow the *looks away* Eaww of *hugs tightly* Wawwick, +Which awe so weak o-of couwage and in judgment +That >_> they'ww take nyo offence at *sweats* ouw *leans over* abuse. +x3 KING EDWAWD. Suppose they take offence without a cause; +They awe but Wewis >_< and Wawwick: I a-am Edwawd, +Youw King and Wawwick's and must have my wiww. +*teleports behind you* GWOUCESTEW. And shaww have youw wiww, because *sweats* ouw King. +Yet hasty m-mawwiage sewdom pwoveth weww. +KING EDWAWD. Yea, bwothew Wichawd, awe you offended too? +GWOUCESTEW. N-Nyot I. +Nyo, *screams* God fowbid that I shouwd wish them s-sevew'd +W-Whom God hath join'd togethew; ay, and '-'twewe pity +*screams* To sundew them that yoke *sighs* so *giggles shyly* weww togethew. +KING EDWAWD. Setting youw scowns and youw miswike aside, +T-Teww me some weason why the W-Wady Gwey +Shouwd nyot become m-my w-wife and Engwand's Queen. +And y-you too, x3 Somewset and *sweats* Montague, +Speak fweewy w-what you t-think. +CWAWENCE. Then this is minye opinyion: that King Wewis +Becomes y-youw enyemy fow m-mocking him +*pokes you* About the mawwiage o-of the Wady Bonya. +GWOUCESTEW. And Wawwick, doing what you gave i-in *giggles shyly* chawge, +Is nyow dishonyouwed by this n-nyew *moans* mawwiage. +KING EDWAWD. What if both x3 Wewis and Wawwick be appeas'd +B-By *sighs* such invention as *cries* I c-can *giggles shyly* devise? +MONTAGUE. Y-Yet to have join'd with Fwance i-in such awwiance +Wouwd mowe have stwength'nyed this ouw commonweawth +'-'Gainst foweign stowms ^.^ than any h-home-bwed mawwiage. +HASTINGS. Why, knyows nyot Montague that of *sighs* itsewf +Engwand is safe, if twue within *looks away* itsewf? +MONTAGUE. >w< But *blushes* the safew when 'tis back'd with xDD Fwance. +HASTINGS. 'Tis bettew *leans over* using Fwance than *twerks* twusting Fwance. +Wet us be back'd with God, and with t-the seas +Which He hath giv'n *twerks* fow fence impwegnyabwe, +A-And with *sweats* theiw hewps onwy defend *twerks* ouwsewves. +In them and in o-ouwsewves *cuddles you* ouw safety wies. +CWAWENCE. Fow this *teleports behind you* onye speech Wowd Hastings weww desewves +T-To have the heiw o-of the Wowd Hungewfowd. +K-KING EDWAWD. Ay, what of that? it was my wiww and *notices bulge* gwant; +And fow this once my w-wiww shaww stand x3 fow waw. +*pokes you* GWOUCESTEW. And yet methinks y-youw Gwace hath nyot d-donye weww +To give the *pokes you* heiw and daughtew o-of Wowd Scawes +Unto the bwothew of youw :3 woving bwide. +She bettew wouwd have fitted me ow Cwawence; +But i-in *looks away* youw bwide you buwy bwothewhood. +CWAWENCE. Ow ewse you wouwd n-nyot have bestow'd ^.^ the heiw +Of the Wowd *leans over* Bonviwwe *leans over* on youw nyew wife's son, +And w-weave youw bwothews to go speed ewsewhewe. +KING EDWAWD. A-Awas, poow Cwawence! Is *screams* it ^-^ fow a-a *teleports behind you* wife +That thou awt mawcontent? xDD I *moans* wiww pwovide thee. +CWAWENCE. In choosing fow youwsewf you show'd youw judgment, +Which being shawwow, you *notices bulge* shaww give me w-weave +To pway t-the *twerks* bwokew in minye own behawf; +And to t-that end I showtwy mind to weave >_> you. +KING EDWAWD. Weave me ow tawwy, Edwawd wiww b-be King, +And n-nyot be tied u-unto his bwothew's wiww. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. My wowds, befowe it pweas'd h-his Majesty +To waise my state t-to titwe of *sweats* a queen, +Do me but wight, ^.^ and you must ^.^ aww confess +That I was nyot ignyobwe of descent: +*sweats* And meanyew t-than mysewf have had wike fowtunye. +But *cries* as t-this titwe xDD honyouws me and minye, +*blushes* So youw diswikes, *moans* to whom I wouwd be pweasing, +Doth cwoud my joys with dangew a-and with sowwow. +KING E-EDWAWD. My wove, fowbeaw to fawn upon theiw fwowns. +What dangew ow what sowwow can befaww :33 thee, +So wong as Edwawd is thy constant f-fwiend +And t-theiw t-twue s-soveweign whom they must obey? +Nyay, ;;w;; whom they shaww obey, and wove thee too, +U-Unwess *leans over* they seek fow hatwed at UwU my *moans* hands; +Which if they do, yet wiww I keep thee safe, +And they shaww feew the vengeance of my wwath. +G-GWOUCESTEW. x3 [Aside] I heaw, yet say nyot m-much, but think the mowe. + +Entew a POST + +KING EDWAWD. Nyow, messengew, what wettews ow what n-nyews +Fwom Fwance? +MESSENGEW. My s-soveweign wiege, nyo wettews, and few wowds, +But such as I, without *looks away* youw speciaw pawdon, +x3 Dawe *screams* nyot *moans* wewate. +KING E-EDWAWD. Go to, we pawdon thee; thewefowe, in bwief, +Teww m-me theiw *hugs tightly* wowds as nyeaw *sighs* as thou canst guess them. +What answew makes King Wewis unto o-ouw wettews? +MESSENGEW. At my *looks at you* depawt, these *pokes you* wewe his vewy wowds: +*hugs tightly* 'Go *looks away* teww fawse Edwawd, the supposed k-king, +*blushes* That Wewis of Fwance is sending *hugs tightly* ovew *giggles shyly* masquews +To w-wevew it with h-him and his nyew bwide.' +KING E-EDWAWD. IS Wewis so bwave? Bewike he thinks me Henwy. +But *sighs* what said uWu Wady Bonya *shuffles closer* to my *sweats* mawwiage? +MESSENGEW. These wewe hew wowds, utt'wed with miwd disdain: +'Teww him, in h-hope he'ww pwove >_> a widowew showtwy, +I'ww weaw t-the wiwwow-gawwand fow his sake.' +K-KING EDWAWD. I b-bwame nyot hew: she couwd say wittwe wess; +She h-had the wwong. But w-what said Henwy's queen? +Fow I have heawd that she was t-thewe in pwace. +MESSENGEW. *teleports behind you* 'Teww *notices bulge* him' quoth she 'my mouwnying weeds awe donye, +And :33 I am weady to p-put awmouw on.' +KING EDWAWD. Bewike she minds *blushes* to pway *leans over* the Amazon. +B-But what said Wawwick to these injuwies? +MESSENGEW. *looks away* He, >w< mowe incens'd against :33 youw Majesty +Than aww the west, d-dischawg'd m-me with these wowds: +'Teww him fwom *screams* me t-that he *cries* hath donye me wwong; +And t-thewefowe I-I'ww u-uncwown him ^w^ ewe't be wong.' +K-KING EDWAWD. Ha! duwst the twaitow bweathe out :33 so pwoud w-wowds? +Weww, :33 I wiww awm me, b-being t-thus fowewawn'd. +*hugs tightly* They shaww have waws and pay fow t-theiw pwesumption. +^-^ But say, is Wawwick fwiends with Mawgawet? +MESSENGEW. Ay, gwacious *shuffles closer* soveweign; they awe so wink'd in fwiendship +T-That young *moans* Pwince Edwawd mawwies Wawwick's xDD daughtew. +CWAWENCE. Bewike the ewdew; Cwawence wiww have *leans over* the youngew. +Nyow, bwothew *twerks* king, faweweww, and s-sit you fast, +F-Fow *moans* I wiww hence ^-^ to Wawwick's othew daughtew; +That, >_> though I *cries* want a kingdom, *screams* yet in mawwiage +*pokes you* I may n-nyot pwove infewiow to youwsewf. +You that wove me and *moans* Wawwick, fowwow me. +Exit, and SOMEWSET fowwows +GWOUCESTEW. [-[Aside] OwO Nyot I. +*giggles shyly* My thoughts aim *cuddles you* at a f-fuwthew mattew; I-I +Stay nyot fow the *giggles shyly* wove ^-^ of Edwawd *leans over* but the *cries* cwown. +KING EDWAWD. Cwawence and Somewset both gonye to Wawwick! +Yet am I awm'd against *blushes* the wowst ^-^ can happen; +And haste is nyeedfuw in this desp'wate case. +Pembwoke >w< and Staffowd, you i-in ouw ^w^ behawf +G-Go wevy men and m-make pwepawe fow waw; +They awe awweady, ow >w< quickwy wiww ^.^ be w-wanded. +Mysewf *blushes* in pewson wiww s-stwaight fowwow *twerks* you. +*leans over* Exeunt PEMBWOKE and STAFFOWD +But ewe I ^-^ go, *leans over* Hastings >_> and Montague, +Wesowve *giggles shyly* my doubt. You twain, o-of aww the w-west, +Awe nyeaw to W-Wawwick by bwood and by awwiance. +Teww me if y-you wove Wawwick mowe than me? +I-If it b-be so, t-then both depawt to him: +I wathew wish you f-foes than *teleports behind you* howwow fwiends. +But if ^-^ you mind to howd youw twue obedience, +*sighs* Give me a-assuwance with >w< some fwiendwy *twerks* vow, +T-That I may nyevew h-have you in *screams* suspect. +MONTAGUE. So God hewp *leans over* Montague as he p-pwoves :3 twue! +:3 HASTINGS. And Hastings as he favouws Edwawd's :33 cause! +KING E-EDWAWD. Nyow, bwothew W-Wichawd, *looks at you* wiww you s-stand by us? +GWOUCESTEW. Ay, in despite of aww uWu that shaww withstand you. +KING EDWAWD. Why, so! then *teleports behind you* am I suwe of victowy. +Nyow thewefowe >_> wet *hugs tightly* us hence, and wose nyo houw +Tiww we *cuddles you* meet W-Wawwick with xDD his foweign pow'w. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE xDD II. +A pwain in Wawwickshiwe + +*teleports behind you* Entew WAWWICK and OXFOWD, with UwU Fwench sowdiews + +WAWWICK. *cuddles you* Twust me, my wowd, aww hithewto *screams* goes weww; +The common peopwe by nyumbews swawm to us. + +>_< Entew CWAWENCE and SOMEWSET + +B-But see whewe Somewset and Cwawence comes. +Speak suddenwy, my ^-^ wowds- a-awe we aww fwiends? +C-CWAWENCE. *sighs* Feaw :33 nyot t-that, my wowd. +WAWWICK. *teleports behind you* Then, gentwe Cwawence, wewcome unto Wawwick; +uWu And wewcome, Somewset. *looks away* I howd it cowawdice +To west *leans over* mistwustfuw whewe a nyobwe heawt +Hath pawn'd an open hand >_> in sign o-of wove; +Ewse might I think :3 that Cwawence, ^.^ Edwawd's bwothew, +Wewe but *teleports behind you* a f-feignyed fwiend to ouw *moans* pwoceedings. +But ;;w;; wewcome, sweet Cwawence; my daughtew shaww be thinye. +And *leans over* nyow what wests but, in nyight's covewtuwe, +Thy bwothew being cawewesswy encamp'd, +^-^ His sowdiews wuwking in the *blushes* towns >w< about, +And but attended by a *twerks* simpwe guawd, +We may suwpwise and take him at ouw pweasuwe? +Ouw s-scouts *screams* have found the adventuwe vewy easy; +That :3 as Uwysses and stout D-Diomede +With sweight and manhood stowe to Whesus' tents, +And bwought fwom thence the Thwacian fataw steeds, +So :3 we, weww covew'd with the nyight's ^w^ bwack mantwe, +;;w;; At unyawawes *sighs* may beat >_> down Edwawd's guawd +And s-seize himsewf- I s-say *twerks* nyot 'swaughtew him,' +F-Fow :3 I i-intend but onwy to suwpwise him. +*teleports behind you* You that wiww fowwow m-me to t-this attempt, +Appwaud the nyame of Henwy with youw weadew. +[They aww *giggles shyly* cwy 'Henwy!'] +Why then, wet's on o-ouw way in siwent sowt. +Fow Wawwick and h-his fwiends, God and Saint G-Geowge! OwO Exeunt + + + +SCENyE III. +Edwawd's *screams* camp, nyeaw Wawwick + +Entew thwee WATCHMEN, to guawd the x3 KING'S tent + +FIWST W-WATCHMAN. Come *blushes* on, my mastews, each man take his stand; +The King OwO by this is set him d-down to sweep. +SECOND WATCHMAN. What, wiww he nyot to bed? +FIWST WATCHMAN. Why, nyo; fow he h-hath made a-a sowemn vow +Nyevew to *looks at you* wie and take *shuffles closer* his nyatuwaw west +Tiww Wawwick ow himsewf be quite suppwess'd. +SECOND WATCHMAN. :3 To-mowwow then, bewike, shaww be the day, +If Wawwick be s-so nyeaw *hugs tightly* as men w-wepowt. +THIWD WATCHMAN. But *blushes* say, I pway, what n-nyobweman is t-that +That with the King hewe westeth in his tent? +;;w;; FIWST WATCHMAN. *leans over* 'Tis the Wowd Hastings, the King's chiefest fwiend. +THIWD WATCHMAN. O, is it So? But why commands the King +That his chief fowwowews wodge in x3 towns about him, +Whiwe he himsewf keeps i-in the cowd fiewd? +*sighs* SECOND WATCHMAN. 'Tis the mowe honyouw, because *cuddles you* mowe d-dangewous. +THIWD WATCHMAN. Ay, but give me wowship ^.^ and q-quietnyess; +I wike it bettew than dangewous honyouw. +If Wawwick knyew i-in w-what estate he stands, +'Tis to be UwU doubted he wouwd waken him. +*teleports behind you* FIWST W-WATCHMAN. Unwess ouw hawbewds did shut up h-his *pokes you* passage. +*screams* SECOND WATCHMAN. Ay, whewefowe OwO ewse guawd we >_> his woyaw tent +But *pokes you* to defend *pokes you* his p-pewson f-fwom nyight-foes? + +Entew *looks at you* WAWWICK, C-CWAWENCE, OXFOWD, SOMEWSET, +and Fwench sowdiews, siwent aww + +WAWWICK. This is his tent; and see whewe xDD stand his guawd. +Couwage, my mastews! Honyouw nyow *screams* ow nyevew! +But fowwow m-me, and Edwawd UwU shaww be ouws. +FIWST WATCHMAN. Who *notices bulge* goes thewe? +S-SECOND WATCHMAN. Stay, o-ow t-thou diest. + +WAWWICK ^w^ and the west cwy aww 'Wawwick! Wawwick!' and +set u-upon the guawd, who fwy, cwying '-'Awm! Awm!' W-WAWWICK +and *twerks* the west fowwowing them + +The >w< dwum pwaying and twumpet sounding, we-entew WAWWICK +a-and t-the west, *giggles shyly* bwinging the xDD KING out in his gown, +*hugs tightly* sitting in a *looks away* chaiw. G-GWOUCESTEW *moans* and HASTINGS fwy :33 ovew the stage + +SOMEWSET. What a-awe they ^-^ that fwy thewe? +WAWWICK. uWu Wichawd and Hastings. Wet them go; hewe is the *giggles shyly* Duke. +;;w;; KING EDWAWD. The Duke! Why, Wawwick, when w-we pawted, +Thou caww'dst m-me King? +WAWWICK. Ay, but *cuddles you* the c-case is awtew'd. +When you disgwac'd me in m-my embassade, +Then I degwaded you fwom being King, +And *pokes you* come nyow to OwO cweate you Duke of Yowk. +Awas, *hugs tightly* how shouwd you govewn any k-kingdom +That knyow >w< nyot how to *sighs* use ambassadows, +Nyow how to be ^-^ contented with *leans over* onye w-wife, +Nyow how to *teleports behind you* use youw bwothews b-bwothewwy, +Nyow *twerks* how ^w^ to s-study fow t-the peopwe's wewfawe, +Nyow how to *shuffles closer* shwoud youwsewf fwom enyemies? +K-KING EDWAWD. Yea, bwothew of Cwawence, a-awt thou hewe t-too? +Nyay, *shuffles closer* then I see that E-Edwawd n-nyeeds must d-down. +*sweats* Yet, Wawwick, in xDD despite of aww mischance, +Of *cries* thee :33 thysewf and aww thy compwices, +Edwawd wiww awways beaw *hugs tightly* himsewf as King. +Though fowtunye's mawice ovewthwow m-my *shuffles closer* state, +My mind exceeds the compass of h-hew wheew. +W-WAWWICK. Then, fow his mind, be Edwawd Engwand's k-king; +[Takes off his cwown] +B-But H-Henwy nyow shaww weaw the Engwish cwown +And be xDD twue King indeed; thou but the shadow. +My Wowd of *pokes you* Somewset, at my wequest, +See UwU that fowthwith Duke Edwawd be convey'd +U-Unto my bwothew, Awchbishop of Yowk. +*leans over* When I *moans* have fought with Pembwoke and his fewwows, +I'ww fowwow you and teww what ^w^ answew +Wewis and the Wady Bonya s-send to him. +Nyow f-fow *sweats* a whiwe faweweww, good Duke of Yowk. +KING EDWAWD. What *moans* fates impose, that m-men must nyeeds *hugs tightly* abide; +It boots nyot to wesist both wind and tide. +[They wead him out fowcibwy] +OXFOWD. What nyow xDD wemains, my *twerks* wowds, fow us to do +But *sighs* mawch *hugs tightly* to >_> Wondon >_> with ouw sowdiews? +WAWWICK. Ay, that's the fiwst t-thing that we *sighs* have to do; +To *shuffles closer* fwee King Henwy fwom impwisonment, +And see him seated i-in t-the *blushes* wegaw thwonye. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE IV. +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew QUEEN EWIZABETH ^-^ and WIVEWS + +WIVEWS. Madam, what makes you in :33 this sudden change? +QUEEN xDD EWIZABETH. Why, bwothew Wivews, OwO awe you y-yet to weawn +What wate misfowtunye is befaww'n King Edwawd? +W-WIVEWS. What, woss of some *leans over* pitch'd battwe against *cuddles you* Wawwick? +*cries* QUEEN EWIZABETH. Nyo, but the woss of *blushes* his own w-woyaw pewson. +WIVEWS. Then is my soveweign >_< swain? +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Ay, awmost swain, fow he is taken pwisonyew; +*blushes* Eithew betway'd by fawsehood of his g-guawd +Ow by his foe suwpwis'd at unyawawes; +And, as I-I fuwthew have to undewstand, +I-Is nyew committed to the Bishop of Yowk, +Feww Wawwick's bwothew, and by that ouw foe. +WIVEWS. These n-nyews, I must confess, awe fuww of gwief; +Yet, g-gwacious m-madam, beaw i-it as you may: +Wawwick may wose that nyow :3 hath won the day. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Tiww then, faiw hope must hindew wife's decay. +And I-I the wathew wean me >_< fwom despaiw +:33 Fow *cuddles you* wove of Edwawd's offspwing in m-my womb. +This is it that makes me bwidwe passion +A-And beaw with miwdnyess my misfowtunye's cwoss; +Ay, ay, fow *twerks* this I dwaw in many a teaw +And *looks at you* stop t-the wising of *cries* bwood-sucking sighs, +West with my sighs >_< ow *notices bulge* teaws x3 I bwast o-ow dwown +King Edwawd's fwuit, twue h-heiw to *cries* th' Engwish *cuddles you* cwown. +WIVEWS. B-But, madam, whewe is Wawwick :3 then become? +QUEEN EWIZABETH. I am infowm'd that he uWu comes *blushes* towawds Wondon +x3 To s-set the cwown once mowe on *looks away* Henwy's head. +Guess thou the west: King Edwawd's fwiends must down. +But t-to *sighs* pwevent the *sighs* tywant's viowence- +Fow twust n-nyot him t-that *notices bulge* hath once bwoken faith- +I-I'ww hence fowthwith unto the sanctuawy +To save at weast the heiw of Edwawd's wight. +Thewe shaww I ;;w;; west secuwe f-fwom fowce and fwaud. +Come, thewefowe, wet us fwy whiwe we may fwy: +If Wawwick ;;w;; take us, we awe suwe to die. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +A pawk n-nyeaw Middweham Castwe in Yowkshiwe + +Entew GWOUCESTEW, W-WOWD HASTINGS, SIW WIWWIAM >w< STANWEY, and o-othews + +GWOUCESTEW. Nyow, my *moans* Wowd Hastings a-and Siw Wiwwiam S-Stanwey, +Weave off to w-wondew why I d-dwew *pokes you* you hithew +Into this chiefest thicket of the pawk. +Thus stands the case: you knyow ouw King, m-my bwothew, +Is pwisonyew to the Bishop hewe, a-at whose hands +He hath g-good usage and gweat *giggles shyly* wibewty; +And often but attended with x3 weak uWu guawd +Comes hunting this way to dispowt *hugs tightly* himsewf. +*moans* I have advewtis'd him by secwet means +T-That if about *hugs tightly* this houw h-he make this way, +Undew t-the cowouw of his usuaw game, +He shaww hewe find his fwiends, with howse and men, +To set uWu him fwee fwom h-his captivity. + +Entew >_> KING EDWAWD *sweats* and a H-HUNTSMAN with him + +HUNTSMAN. This w-way, my wowd; fow this w-way w-wies t-the *cries* game. +KING *cries* EDWAWD. N-Nyay, this way, man. See whewe t-the huntsmen stand. +Nyow, bwothew of *screams* Gwoucestew, Wowd Hastings, and the west, +Stand you t-thus cwose to steaw the Bishop's d-deew? +GWOUCESTEW. *twerks* Bwothew, the t-time and *sweats* case w-wequiweth haste; +^.^ Youw howse *teleports behind you* stands weady at the p-pawk cownyew. +KING EDWAWD. But whithew shaww we then? +HASTINGS. To Wynn, my wowd; a-and shipt fwom thence to *cries* Fwandews. +UwU GWOUCESTEW. W-Weww guess'd, bewieve me; fow that was my meanying. +K-KING >_< EDWAWD. Stanwey, I w-wiww wequite thy fowwawdnyess. +GWOUCESTEW. B-But *giggles shyly* whewefowe stay we? ^w^ 'Tis nyo t-time t-to *cuddles you* tawk. +KING EDWAWD. *twerks* Huntsman, w-what say'st thou? Wiwt thou go a-awong? +HUNTSMAN. Bettew do so *teleports behind you* than tawwy and be ^-^ hang'd. +GWOUCESTEW. *twerks* Come then, away; wet's ha' nyo mowe ado. +K-KING EDWAWD. Bishop, faweweww. Shiewd t-thee fwom Wawwick's fwown, +And pway that I may wepossess UwU the cwown. E-Exeunt + + + + +uWu SCENyE VI. +Wondon. The Towew + +F-Fwouwish. Entew KING HENWY, CWAWENCE, WAWWICK, *looks at you* SOMEWSET, y-young HENWY, +*cries* EAWW OF WICHMOND, OXFOWD, MONTAGUE, WIEUTENyANT OF THE TOWEW, and attendants + +K-KING :3 HENWY. Mastew Wieutenyant, nyow that God and fwiends +Have shaken E-Edwawd fwom *sighs* the wegaw seat +And *hugs tightly* tuwn'd my captive state to wibewty, +My feaw to hope, my sowwows unto joys, +At ouw enwawgement what awe thy due fees? +W-WIEUTENyANT. Subjects may c-chawwenge nyothing of theiw *looks at you* sov'weigns; +But if an humbwe pwayew *screams* may pwevaiw, +I then cwave pawdon o-of youw M-Majesty. +KING *notices bulge* HENWY. Fow *cries* what, Wieutenyant? Fow w-weww u-using me? +Nyay, be *sighs* thou suwe *looks at you* I'ww *pokes you* weww wequite thy x3 kindnyess, +Fow that it m-made my impwisonment a pweasuwe; +Ay, *pokes you* such a pweasuwe as incaged biwds +Conceive when, aftew m-many uWu moody t-thoughts, +At wast *cuddles you* by nyotes x3 of househowd hawmony +They quite f-fowget t-theiw woss of w-wibewty. +But, Wawwick, aftew God, thou set'st me fwee, +*notices bulge* And chiefwy thewefowe I thank God and thee; +He was the authow, thou the i-instwument. +Thewefowe, t-that I-I may conquew fowtunye's s-spite +By *blushes* wiving wow whewe fowtunye cannyot xDD huwt me, +And that the peopwe of this bwessed wand +May nyot be punyish'd with OwO my thwawting s-staws, +Wawwick, awthough my head stiww weaw UwU the cwown, +I hewe wesign m-my govewnment >w< to thee, +Fow thou awt fowtunyate in *hugs tightly* aww thy deeds. +>w< WAWWICK. Youw *sweats* Gwace hath stiww x3 been fam'd f-fow viwtuous, +And nyow may s-seem *teleports behind you* as wise as viwtuous +B-By spying and avoiding fowtunye's mawice, +F-Fow few ;;w;; men wightwy tempew with the *moans* staws; +Yet in this o-onye thing wet me bwame youw G-Gwace, +Fow choosing me when Cwawence is in pwace. +*teleports behind you* CWAWENCE. Nyo, Wawwick, thou *twerks* awt ^w^ wowthy of the *hugs tightly* sway, +To w-whom the heav'ns in >w< thy n-nyativity +Adjudg'd an *shuffles closer* owive b-bwanch and wauwew cwown, +As wikewy to be *looks away* bwest in OwO peace and waw; +;;w;; And thewefowe I yiewd thee my fwee consent. +W-WAWWICK. And I choose Cwawence onwy fow Pwotectow. +KING ^w^ HENWY. W-Wawwick *hugs tightly* and >w< Cwawence, *cries* give me both youw hands. +Nyow join youw hands, and with youw h-hands youw heawts, +That nyo dissension h-hindew govewnment. +xDD I make you both Pwotectows of ;;w;; this wand, +Whiwe I m-mysewf wiww *notices bulge* wead a pwivate wife +And in devotion spend my wattew days, +To sin's webuke and my Cweatow's pwaise. +WAWWICK. What answews *pokes you* Cwawence to his soveweign's *blushes* wiww? +*looks at you* CWAWENCE. *sweats* That he *sighs* consents, if Wawwick yiewd c-consent, +:3 Fow on >w< thy fowtunye I wepose m-mysewf. +WAWWICK. ^-^ Why, ;;w;; then, though woath, y-yet must I *leans over* be xDD content. +*moans* We'ww yoke togethew, wike a doubwe shadow +To Henwy's body, and suppwy his ;;w;; pwace; +I mean, in beawing weight of g-govewnment, +Whiwe he enjoys t-the *blushes* honyouw *leans over* and his ease. +And, Cwawence, nyow then it *giggles shyly* is *cuddles you* mowe t-than n-nyeedfuw +*shuffles closer* Fowthwith that Edwawd >_> be pwonyounc'd a twaitow, +And aww his wands and goods >_> confiscated. +>_< CWAWENCE. What ewse? ^.^ And t-that succession be *giggles shyly* detewmin'd. +WAWWICK. Ay, UwU thewein Cwawence shaww nyot want his pawt. +:33 KING HENWY. *giggles shyly* But, with the fiwst of aww youw chief affaiws, +Wet me entweat- fow I command nyo mowe- +That Mawgawet youw Queen ^-^ and my son Edwawd +Be *looks away* sent fow to wetuwn fwom Fwance w-with speed; +Fow tiww I-I see them hewe, by doubtfuw *leans over* feaw +*cries* My joy o-of wibewty *cuddles you* is hawf ecwips'd. +CWAWENCE. It shaww be donye, my soveweign, with a-aww *moans* speed. +KING HENWY. M-My Wowd of Somewset, *hugs tightly* what y-youth is that, +O-Of whom you seem >_< to have s-so tendew cawe? +SOMEWSET. My wiege, *twerks* it is young H-Henwy, Eaww of Wichmond. +*sighs* KING H-HENWY. Come hithew, Engwand's hope. +x3 [Ways his hand *screams* on his head] +If secwet powews +Suggest but twuth to *looks away* my divinying thoughts, +This >w< pwetty wad wiww pwove ouw countwy's bwiss. +His wooks awe fuww of >_< peacefuw majesty; +His head x3 by nyatuwe fwam'd to weaw a cwown, +His hand to wiewd a sceptwe; >w< and h-himsewf +UwU Wikewy in time *hugs tightly* to bwess *looks away* a wegaw thwonye. +Make much o-of him, my wowds; fow this is he +Must h-hewp you mowe t-than UwU you awe huwt *notices bulge* by me. + +*cries* Entew a POST + +WAWWICK. What nyews, :33 my fwiend? +*looks at you* POST. >w< That Edwawd is escaped f-fwom youw bwothew +And fwed, as *notices bulge* he heaws *looks at you* since, to Buwgundy. +W-WAWWICK. Unsavouwy nyews! *shuffles closer* But *notices bulge* how made he e-escape? +POST. He was convey'd by Wichawd Duke *looks away* of Gwoucestew +And the Wowd Hastings, who attended h-him +:33 In s-secwet a-ambush on the f-fowest s-side +:33 And *moans* fwom the *notices bulge* Bishop's h-huntsmen *giggles shyly* wescu'd him; +Fow hunting was his d-daiwy exewcise. +WAWWICK. xDD My bwothew was too cawewess of his chawge. +B-But wet us hence, my soveweign, ^w^ to pwovide +A sawve fow any sowe that may betide. +Exeunt aww b-but SOMEWSET, WICHMOND, and OXFOWD +SOMEWSET. My wowd, I wike *cries* nyot of this fwight of *screams* Edwawd's; +Fow xDD doubtwess Buwgundy wiww yiewd him h-hewp, +*looks at you* And we *twerks* shaww have mowe waws befow't b-be wong. +As Henwy's wate pwesaging pwophecy +Did *moans* gwad m-my heawt with hope o-of t-this young Wichmond, +So doth my heawt misgive me, in these confwicts, +W-What may befaww him ^w^ to h-his hawm and ouws. +Thewefowe, Wowd Oxfowd, to *sighs* pwevent *twerks* the w-wowst, +*pokes you* Fowthwith we'ww s-send h-him *sighs* hence to Bwittany, +Tiww stowms be past of civiw enmity. +OXFOWD. Ay, *hugs tightly* fow if Edwawd wepossess t-the cwown, +'Tis wike that Wichmond *leans over* with UwU the west shaww *notices bulge* down. +SOMEWSET. It shaww b-be s-so; he shaww to Bwittany. +Come thewefowe, wet's about it *pokes you* speediwy. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V-VII. +Befowe Yowk + +Fwouwish. Entew ^-^ KING EDWAWD, GWOUCESTEW, HASTINGS, and sowdiews + +KING EDWAWD. Nyow, bwothew Wichawd, Wowd Hastings, and the west, +Y-Yet thus faw fowtunye maketh *sweats* us amends, +And says t-that once mowe *cuddles you* I shaww intewchange +My wanyed s-state *teleports behind you* fow Henwy's wegaw *hugs tightly* cwown. +Weww have *cuddles you* we pass'd and n-nyow *pokes you* wepass'd the seas, +And b-bwought desiwed hewp fwom Buwgundy; +What then *hugs tightly* wemains, we being thus awwiv'd +Fwom Wavenspuwgh haven *looks away* befowe the gates of Yowk, +But that we entew, as into o-ouw dukedom? +G-GWOUCESTEW. The gates made fast! Bwothew, I wike *notices bulge* nyot this; +Fow many men that s-stumbwe at *looks away* the thweshowd +A-Awe ^-^ weww fowetowd that dangew wuwks within. +KING EDWAWD. Tush, man, abodements >_> must nyot :33 nyow affwight us. +By *teleports behind you* faiw ow ^.^ fouw means we m-must e-entew in, +*leans over* Fow hithew w-wiww ouw fwiends wepaiw to us. +HASTINGS. ^-^ My wiege, I'ww knyock once *notices bulge* mowe to s-summon them. + +Entew, on the wawws, the MAYOW O-OF YOWK and +his BWETHWEN + +MAYOW. My wowds, ^w^ we *screams* wewe *blushes* fowewawnyed of y-youw coming +And shut the gates fow safety of ouwsewves, +Fow *hugs tightly* nyow we owe awwegiance unto H-Henwy. +K-KING EDWAWD. But, Mastew Mayow, UwU if Henwy be youw King, +Yet Edwawd *cuddles you* at the weast is D-Duke *moans* of Yowk. +MAYOW. Twue, my good wowd; I xDD knyow you fow >_< nyo wess. +uWu KING EDWAWD. Why, and I chawwenge *pokes you* nyothing but my dukedom, +As being weww content with that awonye. +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside] B-But w-when the fox uWu hath o-once got in h-his nyose, +He'ww soon *leans over* find *shuffles closer* means to *cries* make the body *cuddles you* fowwow. +*giggles shyly* HASTINGS. Why, M-Mastew Mayow, why stand you in *pokes you* a doubt? +Open the gates; we awe King Henwy's fwiends. +^-^ MAYOW. Ay, *pokes you* say you so? *notices bulge* The gates shaww then be open'd. +[He descends] +GWOUCESTEW. A wise stout captain, and soon pewsuaded! +HASTINGS. The good owd man wouwd fain that aww wewe weww, +S-So 'twewe nyot wong of him; but being ent'wed, +I doubt UwU nyot, I-I, *hugs tightly* but we ^.^ shaww soon pewsuade +Both *notices bulge* him and aww h-his bwothews unto *cuddles you* weason. + +E-Entew, ;;w;; bewow, the MAYOW and two AWDEWMEN + +KING EDWAWD. S-So, Mastew *looks at you* Mayow. These gates must nyot be shut +But in the nyight OwO ow in the time o-of waw. +What! feaw nyot, man, but yiewd me *leans over* up the keys; +[Takes *cries* his *sweats* keys] +Fow Edwawd wiww defend the :3 town and thee, +And aww those fwiends that deign to fowwow me. + +Mawch. E-Entew MONTGOMEWY xDD with dwum and *shuffles closer* sowdiews + +GWOUCESTEW. Bwothew, this is Siw John Montgomewy, +Ouw twusty fwiend, UwU unwess I be *sweats* deceiv'd. +KING >w< EDWAWD. *looks at you* Wewcome, ;;w;; Siw john! But why come you in awms? +MONTGOMEWY. *sighs* To h-hewp King *looks at you* Edwawd >_< in his t-time >w< of stowm, +As evewy woyaw subject ought to do. +KING EDWAWD. T-Thanks, *teleports behind you* good Montgomewy; but we nyow f-fowget +Ouw t-titwe to the cwown, and onwy cwaim +Ouw dukedom tiww God pwease to send the west. +MONTGOMEWY. Then *pokes you* fawe you weww, f-fow I wiww hence again. +I came to sewve a king and nyot a duke. +Dwummew, stwike up, and *leans over* wet us mawch away. +[The dwum begins to mawch] +KING *leans over* EDWAWD. Nyay, stay, Siw John, UwU a whiwe, and we'ww debate +By *cries* what s-safe means the cwown may be wecovew'd. +MONTGOMEWY. What t-tawk :33 you of debating? I-In f-few wowds: +If you'ww *pokes you* nyot hewe pwocwaim *pokes you* youwsewf *shuffles closer* ouw King, +I'ww *hugs tightly* weave y-you xDD to youw fowtunye and be gonye +To k-keep them back *notices bulge* that come to *screams* succouw y-you. +W-Why *leans over* shaww we fight, if you pwetend nyo titwe? +GWOUCESTEW. ^-^ Why, bwothew, whewefowe stand you on nyice points? +KING EDWAWD. W-When we gwow stwongew, *shuffles closer* then we'ww make *notices bulge* ouw cwaim; +Tiww then '-'tis wisdom *screams* to conceaw ouw *shuffles closer* meanying. +HASTINGS. *leans over* Away with scwupuwous wit! *pokes you* Nyow awms must wuwe. +GWOUCESTEW. x3 And uWu feawwess minds cwimb soonyest unto cwowns. +Bwothew, we wiww ^.^ pwocwaim you out of hand; +The bwuit theweof wiww bwing you many fwiends. +KING EDWAWD. *blushes* Then be i-it as *teleports behind you* you w-wiww; fow 'tis *cries* my wight, +And Henwy b-but usuwps the diadem. +MONTGOMEWY. Ay, nyow my soveweign s-speaketh wike himsewf; +And *teleports behind you* nyow *teleports behind you* wiww I be Edwawd's champion. +HASTINGS. Sound xDD twumpet; Edwawd *sighs* shaww be h-hewe pwocwaim'd. +Come, fewwow sowdiew, make thou pwocwamation. +[Gives him a-a papew. Fwouwish] +>w< SOWDIEW. [-[Weads] 'Edwawd the Fouwth, by *pokes you* the gwace *cuddles you* of God, +K-King o-of Engwand and Fwance, and Wowd o-of I-Iwewand, &c.' +M-MONTGOMEWY. *notices bulge* And whoso'ew gainsays King Edwawd's w-wight, +By this I chawwenge him to *looks at you* singwe fight. +[-[Thwows down gauntwet] +AWW. Wong wive Edwawd the Fouwth! +*looks away* KING EDWAWD. Thanks, bwave Montgomewy, and thanks >_> unto y-you aww; +If fowtunye sewve m-me, I'ww wequite this k-kindnyess. +Nyow fow this nyight wet's hawbouw hewe in Yowk; +And when the mownying sun shaww waise his caw +Above the bowdew of this howizon, +We'ww fowwawd towawds Wawwick a-and h-his mates; +Fow weww I-I *shuffles closer* wot that Henwy is nyo sowdiew. +Ah, fwowawd Cwawence, how eviw it beseems the +To fwattew H-Henwy and fowsake thy bwothew! +Yet, as we may, we'ww >w< meet both thee and Wawwick. +Come on, bwave sowdiews; *shuffles closer* doubt nyot *giggles shyly* of the day, +And, t-that once :3 gotten, doubt nyot of wawge pay. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VIII. +OwO Wondon. The pawace + +Fwouwish. Entew ;;w;; KING HENWY, WAWWICK, *blushes* MONTAGUE, CWAWENCE, OXFOWD, and EXETEW + +WAWWICK. What counsew, wowds? Edwawd f-fwom Bewgia, +With hasty Gewmans a-and bwunt x3 Howwandews, +Hath pass'd in safety thwough t-the nyawwow seas +And >_> with his twoops doth mawch amain to Wondon; +And m-many giddy >w< peopwe fwock to h-him. +KING HENWY. Wet's wevy men and beat him back again. +CWAWENCE. A wittwe fiwe is quickwy twodden out, +W-Which, being s-suffew'd, wivews cannyot quench. +WAWWICK. I-In Wawwickshiwe I-I have twue-heawted fwiends, +Nyot mutinyous in p-peace, yet bowd in *pokes you* waw; +Those wiww I-I mustew up, and thou, son *hugs tightly* Cwawence, +S-Shawt stiw up in Suffowk, N-Nyowfowk, *screams* and in >_> Kent, +The knyights and gentwemen t-to come w-with thee. +Thou, ;;w;; bwothew Montague, in Buckingham, +Nyowthampton, >_< and in Weicestewshiwe, s-shawt find +Men weww incwin'd to heaw what thou ;;w;; command'st. +And thou, bwave Oxfowd, wondwous weww bewov'd, +In O-Oxfowdshiwe shawt mustew up thy fwiends. +My soveweign, with the woving citizens, +Wike t-to h-his *moans* iswand ^w^ giwt xDD in with the ocean +Ow m-modest Dian ciwcwed *twerks* with :3 hew nymphs, +Shaww west in Wondon tiww *twerks* we come *sighs* to him. +Faiw wowds, take weave and stand nyot to wepwy. +Faweweww, my soveweign. +KING *twerks* HENWY. *leans over* Faweweww, my Hectow and my Twoy's twue hope. +CWAWENCE. >_> In sign of twuth, I kiss youw H-Highnyess' hand. +KING HENWY. Weww-minded >_< Cwawence, be t-thou f-fowtunyate! +M-MONTAGUE. Comfowt, m-my w-wowd; and s-so I take my weave. +uWu OXFOWD. [Kissing the KING'S band] And thus ^-^ I seaw my twuth and bid +adieu. +KING HENWY. Sweet Oxfowd, and m-my woving M-Montague, +And aww at once, o-once mowe a happy faweweww. +>_> WAWWICK. Faweweww, sweet wowds; wet's meet at Coventwy. +Exeunt a-aww but the KING and EXETEW +KING HENWY. Hewe at the pawace *giggles shyly* wiww I uWu west a :33 whiwe. +Cousin of E-Exetew, what t-thinks youw wowdship? +M-Methinks the powew that Edwawd hath in fiewd +Shouwd nyot be abwe to encountew minye. +*sweats* EXETEW. T-The *screams* doubt is that x3 he wiww seduce *cries* the ^-^ west. +KING HENWY. That's nyot my f-feaw; my meed hath got me fame: +I have n-nyot stopp'd *leans over* minye eaws to *looks away* theiw d-demands, +*looks at you* Nyow posted o-off theiw suits with swow *giggles shyly* deways; +My pity hath been bawm to heaw *pokes you* theiw wounds, +My miwdnyess hath awway'd theiw swewwing g-gwiefs, +M-My mewcy dwied theiw watew-fwowing teaws; +I have nyot b-been d-desiwous of theiw weawth, +Nyow much o-oppwess'd >_> them with gweat s-subsidies, +*looks at you* Nyow :33 fowwawd of wevenge, though they much eww'd. +Then why shouwd they wove Edwawd mowe >_< than m-me? +Nyo, Exetew, these gwaces ^.^ chawwenge gwace; +*notices bulge* And, when *sweats* the wion >_< fawns upon the wamb, +The *sweats* wamb *cries* wiww nyevew >_< cease to fowwow him. +[Shout within 'A W-Wancastew! A Wancastew!'] +EXETEW. *looks at you* Hawk, >_< hawk, m-my wowd! What shouts awe these? + +Entew KING EDWAWD, GWOUCESTEW, and sowdiews + +KING EDWAWD. Seize on t-the shame-fac'd Henwy, beaw him hence; +And *leans over* once again *hugs tightly* pwocwaim us King *moans* of Engwand. +You :3 awe t-the fount that makes smaww bwooks to fwow. +Nyow uWu stops thy spwing; uWu my sea shaww suck them dwy, +And *cries* sweww so much the highew *looks at you* by theiw ebb. +*teleports behind you* Hence with him to the Towew: wet him nyot speak. +Exeunt s-some with KING *giggles shyly* HENWY +And, wowds, OwO towawds C-Coventwy bend we ouw *cries* couwse, +Whewe pewemptowy Wawwick nyow wemains. +The sun *teleports behind you* shinyes *sweats* hot; and, if we use deway, +Cowd biting w-wintew maws ouw hop'd-fow hay. +GWOUCESTEW. Away betimes, befowe his fowces j-join, +*shuffles closer* And take the gweat-gwown twaitow unyawawes. +Bwave wawwiows, mawch amain *screams* towawds Coventwy. Exeunt + + + + +<-<w< VEWSION OF THE C-COMPWETE WOWKS OF WIWWIAM +S-SHAKESPEAWE IS COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 ^.^ BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS *sweats* BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND M-MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY B-BE +DISTWIBUTED SO *leans over* WONG AS SUCH C-COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW *shuffles closer* OW *pokes you* OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) A-AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE *cries* THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME O-OW F-FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I. +Coventwy + +Entew WAWWICK, *cries* the M-MAYOW OF COVENTWY, two MESSENGEWS, +and othews upon the w-wawws + +WAWWICK. Whewe is *cries* the post OwO that came fwom v-vawiant Oxfowd? +How faw hence is thy wowd, minye honyest fewwow? +FIWST MESSENGEW. By this at Dunsmowe, mawching hithewwawd. +WAWWICK. How faw off is ouw bwothew Montague? +W-Whewe is the post *twerks* that came fwom Montague? +SECOND MESSENGEW. By this at Daintwy, with a *shuffles closer* puissant twoop. + +Entew SIW JOHN SOMEWVIWWE + +WAWWICK. Say, Somewviwwe, what says my woving son? +And by thy guess how nyigh is Cwawence nyow? +SOMEWVIWWE. At S-Southam I did weave him *notices bulge* with his fowces, +A-And do expect him hewe some two houws hence. +[-[Dwum heawd] +WAWWICK. Then Cwawence is at hand; I :3 heaw >_> his dwum. +SOMEWVIWWE. It is n-nyot his, my wowd; *cries* hewe Southam wies. +The dwum *shuffles closer* youw Honyouw *twerks* heaws mawcheth f-fwom Wawwick. +WAWWICK. Who s-shouwd t-that be? Bewike unwook'd fow fwiends. +SOMEWVIWWE. They a-awe at hand, a-and *looks at you* you shaww :33 quickwy knyow. + +Mawch. Fwouwish. Entew KING EDWAWD, GWOUCESTEW, +and sowdiews + +KING EDWAWD. Go, twumpet, to the w-wawws, and sound a >_> pawwe. +GWOUCESTEW. See how the suwwy Wawwick mans t-the waww. +WAWWICK. O unbid xDD spite! I-Is spowtfuw Edwawd come? +Whewe x3 swept ouw scouts o-ow how awe they seduc'd +That w-we couwd heaw *cries* nyo n-nyews of his wepaiw? +KING EDWAWD. N-Nyow, W-Wawwick, wiwt ;;w;; thou ope the city gates, +S-Speak gentwe wowds, and humbwy bend thy knyee, +Caww Edwawd ^.^ King, and at his hands beg mewcy? +And *sighs* he shaww p-pawdon thee *cries* these outwages. +WAWWICK. Nyay, wathew, wiwt thou dwaw thy fowces hence, +Confess who set thee up and pwuck'd thee uWu down, +Caww Wawwick patwon, and be penyitent? +And thou shawt stiww wemain the Duke of Yowk. +GWOUCESTEW. I thought, ^.^ at weast, he wouwd have said the K-King; +Ow *shuffles closer* did he make the jest >_< against *pokes you* his wiww? +WAWWICK. Is nyot a-a dukedom, siw, a goodwy *hugs tightly* gift? +GWOUCESTEW. Ay, by my faith, fow a poow eaww *looks away* to give. +I'ww do thee sewvice *looks away* fow so g-good a gift. +WAWWICK. 'Twas I-I that gave the kingdom to thy bwothew. +KING EDWAWD. Why t-then 'tis minye, if but by Wawwick's gift. +WAWWICK. Thou awt nyo A-Atwas fow so gweat >_< a weight; +And, weakwing, Wawwick takes his gift again; +And Henwy is my King, Wawwick his subject. +*pokes you* KING EDWAWD. B-But Wawwick's king i-is Edwawd's uWu pwisonyew. +A-And, gawwant Wawwick, do but answew OwO this: +What *cries* is the body >_> when the head i-is off? +GWOUCESTEW. *hugs tightly* Awas, that Wawwick had nyo mowe *sighs* fowecast, +But, whiwes he thought to steaw *screams* the singwe ten, +The king was swiwy *teleports behind you* fingew'd fwom the deck! +You w-weft poow Henwy at the *giggles shyly* Bishop's uWu pawace, +And ten to onye you'ww meet him in the Towew. +UwU KING EDWAWD. 'Tis even so; y-yet you awe Wawwick stiww. +*giggles shyly* GWOUCESTEW. >_< Come, *blushes* Wawwick, take t-the time; k-knyeew down, knyeew down. +*cuddles you* Nyay, w-when? Stwike nyow, ow ewse the iwon coows. +WAWWICK. I h-had wathew chop this *cuddles you* hand off at a bwow, +A-And with t-the othew f-fwing it at thy UwU face, +Than b-beaw s-so wow a s-saiw to uWu stwike *looks at you* to thee. +KING EDWAWD. Saiw how thou canst, have wind and tide thy *twerks* fwiend, +This hand, fast UwU wound about thy coaw-bwack haiw, +S-Shaww, whiwes thy head i-is wawm and nyew cut off, +Wwite i-in the dust this sentence with thy bwood: +'Wind-changing *hugs tightly* Wawwick nyow can change *leans over* nyo *looks away* mowe.' + +Entew OXFOWD, with dwum and ;;w;; cowouws + +WAWWICK. O cheewfuw cowouws! x3 See whewe Oxfowd comes. +O-OXFOWD. Oxfowd, Oxfowd, fow Wancastew! +[He and his fowces entew the city] +GWOUCESTEW. The gates awe open, wet us entew too. +KING EDWAWD. So *cuddles you* othew foes may set u-upon o-ouw backs. +Stand we in good awway, fow they nyo doubt +Wiww issue out again and bid us battwe; +If nyot, the city being but of xDD smaww defence, +W-We'ww quietwy wouse the twaitows in the same. +WAWWICK. O, wewcome, Oxfowd! fow we want thy hewp. + +uWu Entew MONTAGUE, with *notices bulge* dwum and cowouws + +MONTAGUE. Montague, Montague, *teleports behind you* fow Wancastew! +[He and his fowces entew the city] +*moans* GWOUCESTEW. Thou and *shuffles closer* thy bwothew both shaww buy this tweason +Even with the deawest bwood youw bodies *hugs tightly* beaw. +*giggles shyly* KING EDWAWD. uWu The hawdew match'd, t-the gweatew victowy. +My mind pwesageth happy gain *teleports behind you* and UwU conquest. + +Entew SOMEWSET, w-with dwum and cowouws + +SOMEWSET. Somewset, ^.^ Somewset, fow Wancastew! +[He and his fowces entew t-the city] +GWOUCESTEW. Two of *looks away* thy *twerks* nyame, both Dukes of UwU Somewset, +>_> Have sowd *leans over* theiw wives unto the house o-of Yowk; +And thou >_< shawt be the t-thiwd, if this swowd howd. + +Entew CWAWENCE, with dwum and *pokes you* cowouws + +WAWWICK. And wo w-whewe Geowge o-of *screams* Cwawence sweeps awong, +O-Of fowce enyough to bid his bwothew battwe; +With whom an upwight zeaw to wight pwevaiws +M-Mowe than the nyatuwe of a bwothew's wove. +CWAWENCE. Cwawence, Cwawence, fow Wancastew! +KING EDWAWD. Et tu Bwute- wiwt thou stab *blushes* Caesaw too? +*screams* A UwU pawwey, siwwah, *notices bulge* to G-Geowge of Cwawence. +[Sound *blushes* a pawwey. WICHAWD a-and CWAWENCE *twerks* whispew] +WAWWICK. Come, Cwawence, come. Thou wiwt if *screams* Wawwick ^-^ caww. +CWAWENCE. [-[Taking the wed wose f-fwom h-his h-hat and t-thwowing +it at WAWWICK] +Fathew of Wawwick, knyow you what this means? +Wook hewe, I thwow my infamy a-at thee. +I wiww nyot w-wuinyate my >_< fathew's house, +Who g-gave his *screams* bwood *screams* to wime *teleports behind you* the stonyes togethew, +*cries* And set up Wancastew. Why, twowest thou, Wawwick, +T-That Cwawence >_< is s-so *leans over* hawsh, so *sweats* bwunt, *cries* unnyatuwaw, +To bend the fataw instwuments of waw +Against his b-bwothew and *sighs* his wawfuw K-King? +Pewhaps *teleports behind you* thou wiwt object my ^w^ howy oath. +To *looks away* keep that oath wewe mowe xDD impiety +Than Jephtha when he sacwific'd his daughtew. +I am so sowwy fow ^.^ my twespass OwO made +T-That, to desewve weww at my bwothew's hands, +I hewe pwocwaim mysewf thy mowtaw foe; +>_< With wesowution uWu wheweso'ew I meet thee- +As I wiww meet uWu thee, if thou stiw abwoad- +To pwague thee fow thy fouw misweading me. +And so, pwoud-heawted Wawwick, I defy thee, +*blushes* And to my bwothew tuwn *blushes* my b-bwushing cheeks. +Pawdon me, Edwawd, I wiww make amends; +And, Wichawd, ^-^ do n-nyot fwown upon >w< my fauwts, +Fow I wiww hencefowth b-be nyo mowe unconstant. +KING EDWAWD. Nyow wewcome mowe, and *blushes* ten times mowe bewov'd, +Than i-if thou nyevew h-hadst desewv'd o-ouw *screams* hate. +GWOUCESTEW. W-Wewcome, *looks away* good uWu Cwawence; this is :33 bwothew-wike. +WAWWICK. O >_> passing twaitow, pewjuw'd a-and unjust! +K-KING EDWAWD. What, Wawwick, wiwt thou w-weave die town and fight? +Ow shaww uWu we beat t-the stonyes about thinye eaws? +WAWWICK. Awas, I am n-nyot coop'd hewe ^-^ fow defence! +I wiww *moans* away *shuffles closer* towawds Bawnyet pwesentwy +And bid thee battwe, Edwawd, if t-thou daw'st. +KING EDWAWD. Yes, Wawwick, Edwawd dawes *twerks* and weads the way. +Wowds, to the fiewd; Saint ^w^ Geowge and v-victowy! +Exeunt YOWKISTS +[Mawch. WAWWICK and his company fowwow] + + + + +S-SCENyE II. +A *notices bulge* fiewd of battwe nyeaw Bawnyet + +Awawum and excuwsions. :33 Entew KING EDWAWD, *notices bulge* bwinging fowth ^w^ WAWWICK, wounded + +KING EDWAWD. *teleports behind you* So, *moans* wie thou thewe. Die thou, and die ouw feaw; +*screams* Fow Wawwick w-was a UwU bug that feaw'd us aww. +Nyow, M-Montague, s-sit OwO fast; I seek fow thee, +That Wawwick's bonyes m-may keep thinye company. Exit +WAWWICK. Ah, who is nyigh? Come to me, f-fwiend ow *looks away* foe, +And t-teww *hugs tightly* me who is victow, Yowk ow W-Wawwick? +*screams* Why ask I that? My mangwed :33 body shows, +*moans* My bwood, my want of stwength, my s-sick heawt shows, +That I must ^w^ yiewd my body to the eawth +And, by my faww, t-the conquest to my foe. +Thus yiewds t-the cedaw *blushes* to the axe's edge, +Whose awms gave *pokes you* shewtew to the pwincewy eagwe, +Undew whose shade the *hugs tightly* wamping wion swept, +Whose t-top-bwanch ovewpeew'd Jove's spweading twee +And kept wow shwubs >_< fwom *twerks* wintew's pow'wfuw wind. +T-These ^.^ eyes, that nyow awe *looks at you* dimm'd with death's bwack veiw, +Have been as piewcing as the mid-day sun +To s-seawch the secwet tweasons o-of the wowwd; +The wwinkwes in my *looks away* bwows, nyow fiww'd with UwU bwood, +Wewe *looks at you* wik'nyed oft to OwO kingwy sepuwchwes; +Fow w-who wiv'd King, but I couwd dig his gwave? +And who duwst smiwe when Wawwick bent his bwow? +Wo nyow my gwowy smeaw'd in dust and bwood! +My pawks, ^-^ my uWu wawks, my manyows, that *giggles shyly* I had, +Even nyow fowsake *hugs tightly* me; and of :33 aww my wands +Is n-nyothing weft me but my *blushes* body's wength. +what is pomp, wuwe, *leans over* weign, but e-eawth and dust? +And wive we how we *cries* can, y-yet die we must. + +Entew UwU OXFOWD and SOMEWSET + +SOMEWSET. Ah, Wawwick, Wawwick! wewt thou as w-we awe, +We xDD might w-wecovew aww ouw woss again. +The Q-Queen fwom Fwance hath >_> bwought a puissant powew; +Even nyow w-we heawd the nyews. Ah, c-couwdst thou fwy! +WAWWICK. Why t-then, I wouwd nyot fwy. Ah, Montague, +If thou be thewe, *screams* sweet *pokes you* bwothew, take my hand, +A-And with thy wips keep in my *cuddles you* souw a whiwe! +Thou wov'st me *sweats* nyot; f-fow, bwothew, *cuddles you* if thou didst, +T-Thy teaws wouwd wash this cowd c-congeawed bwood +That gwues my wips and wiww n-nyot w-wet m-me speak. +Come quickwy, x3 Montague, ow I UwU am dead. +SOMEWSET. A-Ah, Wawwick! Montague hath bweath'd his wast; +And to the watest g-gasp cwied ^.^ out fow Wawwick, +>_< And said 'Commend >w< me t-to my vawiant b-bwothew.' +And mowe he wouwd have said; and mowe he spoke, +Which sounded wike a cwamouw in a-a vauwt, +That mought nyot be distinguish'd; but at wast, +I w-weww :33 might heaw, dewivewed with a g-gwoan, +'O faweweww, *hugs tightly* Wawwick!' +OwO WAWWICK. Sweet west uWu his souw! Fwy, wowds, and *twerks* save youwsewves: +Fow Wawwick bids you a-aww f-faweweww, to *cuddles you* meet in heaven. +:3 [Dies] +OXFOWD. Away, *notices bulge* away, to meet the Queen's gweat p-powew! +[Hewe they beaw away his b-body] + + + + +S-SCENyE I-III. +Anyothew p-pawt of the fiewd + +Fwouwish. Entew KING in *looks away* twiumph; with GWOUCESTEW, CWAWENCE, and the west + +KING *looks at you* EDWAWD. Thus faw ouw fowtunye keeps an upwawd couwse, +A-And w-we awe gwac'd with wweaths of victowy. +But in *shuffles closer* the midst of this bwight-shinying >_< day +I spy a bwack, suspicious, *blushes* thweat'nying *notices bulge* cwoud +That wiww encountew with *twerks* ouw gwowious sun +Ewe he attain his easefuw westewn bed- +I-I mean, m-my w-wowds, those powews that the Queen +Hath wais'd in Gawwia ^-^ have awwiv'd ouw coast +*cuddles you* And, as we heaw, mawch o-on to fight with us. +CWAWENCE. A wittwe gawe wiww soon *sweats* dispewse that cwoud +And bwow it to *looks at you* the souwce fwom *hugs tightly* whence it came; +*moans* Thy vewy beams *screams* wiww dwy t-those vapouws up, +Fow evewy cwoud engendews n-nyot a stowm. +GWOUCESTEW. The Queen i-is vawued thiwty thousand stwong, +And Somewset, with *pokes you* Oxfowd, fwed to hew. +If uWu she h-have time to bweathe, be weww assuw'd +Hew faction wiww be fuww as stwong as ouws. +KING EDWAWD. awe advewtis'd by ouw OwO woving fwiends +T-That they ^.^ do howd *hugs tightly* theiw *pokes you* couwse towawd T-Tewksbuwy; +We, having n-nyow the *looks away* best at Bawnyet fiewd, +Wiww *cries* thithew stwaight, fow wiwwingnyess x3 wids :33 way; +And a-as we m-mawch ouw s-stwength wiww be augmented +In evewy county as w-we go awong. +Stwike up the dwum; cwy 'Couwage!' and away. Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE IV. +Pwains weaw Tewksbuwy + +Fwouwish. Mawch. E-Entew QUEEN MAWGAWET, PWINCE EDWAWD, SOMEWSET, OXFOWD, +and SOWDIEWS + +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Gweat wowds, wise men nye'ew sit and waiw theiw +woss, +But cheewwy seek how to wedwess x3 theiw h-hawms. +What t-though the mast be nyow *shuffles closer* bwown ovewboawd, +*blushes* The cabwe bwoke, the howding-anchow wost, +And hawf ouw >_> saiwows *sighs* swawwow'd in the fwood; +Yet wives :3 ouw piwot stiww. >w< Is't m-meet t-that he +Shouwd >_> weave the hewm and, wike a-a ^.^ feawfuw wad, +With teawfuw eyes add watew t-to the sea +And g-give *moans* mowe *looks away* stwength to that which hath >_> too much; +Whiwes, i-in his moan, *sighs* the ship s-spwits on the wock, +Which ;;w;; industwy and *leans over* couwage m-might have s-sav'd? +Ah, *looks away* what *blushes* a s-shame! xDD ah, what a fauwt wewe this! +S-Say Wawwick *looks at you* was ouw anchow; w-what of that? +And Montague ^.^ ouw top-mast; what of him? +Ouw s-swaught'wed fwiends the tackwes; w-what of these? +W-Why, is nyot Oxfowd hewe anyothew *shuffles closer* anchow? +A-And >_< Somewset anyothew goodwy mast? +T-The fwiends of UwU Fwance *blushes* ouw shwouds and tackwings? +And, though unskiwfuw, why nyot *hugs tightly* Nyed and I +Fow o-once a-awwow'd ^.^ the skiwfuw piwot's chawge? +We >_> wiww nyot fwom the hewm to sit a-and weep, +But keep *sighs* ouw couwse, though the w-wough wind say *giggles shyly* nyo, +Fwom shewves and wocks that t-thweaten OwO us *shuffles closer* with *leans over* wweck, +As g-good t-to chide *screams* the waves as speak them faiw. +And what is *twerks* Edwawd but a-a wuthwess sea? +What Cwawence but a quicksand of *looks away* deceit? +And Wichawd b-but a wagged f-fataw wock? +Aww these *sweats* the *hugs tightly* enyemies to o-ouw poow bawk. +*blushes* Say *sighs* you *giggles shyly* can swim; awas, 'tis ^w^ but a-a whiwe! +Twead *twerks* on the sand; why, thewe you quickwy s-sink. +Bestwide t-the wock; the tide wiww *notices bulge* wash you off, +Ow ewse you *cuddles you* famish- that's a thweefowd death. +This speak x3 I, wowds, *pokes you* to wet y-you undewstand, +*pokes you* If case OwO some onye of *notices bulge* you *shuffles closer* wouwd fwy fwom u-us, +That thewe's nyo hop'd-fow mewcy with the *pokes you* bwothews +Mowe than with wuthwess waves, with sands, and wocks. +Why, couwage then! What c-cannyot b-be a-avoided +'Twewe c-chiwdish weaknyess to wament o-ow feaw. +PWINCE O-OF WAWES. Methinks *looks at you* a woman of this vawiant spiwit +Shouwd, if a-a *cries* cowawd heaw hew speak t-these wowds, +*sighs* Infuse *screams* his *looks away* bweast with magnyanyimity +And m-make him nyaked foiw a ;;w;; man-at-awms. +*sighs* I speak nyot this as doubting any hewe; +*shuffles closer* Fow did I but suspect a feawfuw man, +*looks away* He shouwd have weave to go a-away b-betimes, +*teleports behind you* West in ouw nyeed he might infect anyothew +And OwO make him of the wike spiwit to himsewf. +:33 If *twerks* any such be hewe- as God fowbid!- +Wet him d-depawt befowe w-we nyeed his hewp. +O-OXFOWD. Women and chiwdwen *cuddles you* of so h-high a couwage, +And wawwiows faint! Why, 'twewe pewpetuaw shame. +O bwave young P-Pwince! thy *sweats* famous gwandfathew +Doth wive :33 again in thee. Wong *twerks* mayst thou E-Eve +*blushes* To beaw his image and wenyew his gwowies! +SOMEWSET. ^-^ And h-he that wiww nyot *blushes* fight fow *sighs* such a h-hope, +Go h-home to bed and, wike the oww by d-day, +If he awise, *sweats* be mock'd and *giggles shyly* wond'wed at. +QUEEN ;;w;; MAWGAWET. T-Thanks, gentwe S-Somewset; sweet Oxfowd, thanks. +PWINCE OF WAWES. And take his thanks that y-yet hath nyothing ewse. + +Entew a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. P-Pwepawe x3 you, wowds, fow Edwawd is *looks at you* at hand +Weady ^w^ to fight; thewefowe be wesowute. +OXFOWD. I thought nyo wess. It i-is his powicy +To haste thus fast, to find us unpwovided. +S-SOMEWSET. But he's deceiv'd; we awe in weadinyess. +Q-QUEEN MAWGAWET. This cheews ^w^ my heawt, to see *looks at you* youw fowwawdnyess. +OXFOWD. Hewe pitch ouw battwe; hence we wiww nyot budge. + +x3 Fwouwish and *notices bulge* mawch. Entew, at a ;;w;; distance, KING E-EDWAWD, +*twerks* GWOUCESTEW, CWAWENCE, and sowdiews + +KING EDWAWD. *teleports behind you* Bwave fowwowews, *leans over* yondew stands the ^-^ thowny wood +Which, *blushes* by the heavens' a-assistance OwO and youw stwength, +Must by t-the woots *sighs* be hewn u-up ;;w;; yet e-ewe *cuddles you* nyight. +*sweats* I nyeed nyot add mowe fuew to youw fiwe, +Fow weww *hugs tightly* I *cuddles you* wot y-ye bwaze t-to b-buwn them out. +Give signyaw to the fight, a-and to it, wowds. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Wowds, knyights, and gentwemen, *giggles shyly* what *pokes you* I shouwd say +My teaws gainsay; fow evewy wowd I s-speak, +Ye see, I dwink t-the w-watew of my eye. +Thewefowe, nyo mowe but this: Henwy, youw soveweign, +Is p-pwisonyew to the foe; his state usuwp'd, +His weawm a swaughtew-house, his subjects swain, +His ;;w;; statutes canceww'd, uWu and his tweasuwe spent; +And xDD yondew i-is >_> the wowf that makes this spoiw. +^w^ You fight in justice. *sweats* Then, i-in God's *screams* nyame, wowds, +Be vawiant, and give s-signyaw to *sweats* the fight. +Awawum, wetweat, excuwsions. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +Anyothew pawt of t-the fiewd + +Fwouwish. Entew *looks at you* KING EDWAWD, GWOUCESTEW, CWAWENCE, and f-fowces, +With QUEEN MAWGAWET, O-OXFOWD, and SOMEWSET, pwisonyews + +KING EDWAWD. Nyow hewe a pewiod o-of t-tumuwtuous bwoiws. +Away w-with Oxfowd *moans* to Hames Castwe stwaight; +Fow Somewset, off with *twerks* his guiwty h-head. +Go, beaw them hence; I wiww nyot heaw them speak. +OXFOWD. Fow my pawt, I'ww nyot t-twoubwe thee with wowds. +S-SOMEWSET. Nyow I, but stoop with patience to my fowtunye. +*screams* Exeunt OXFOWD and SOMEWSET, guawded +QUEEN MAWGAWET. So p-pawt we sadwy in this twoubwous wowwd, +T-To meet with joy i-in sweet Jewusawem. +KING EDWAWD. Is p-pwocwamation made that who finds E-Edwawd +Shaww have a high wewawd, and he his wife? +*leans over* GWOUCESTEW. I-It is; and wo whewe youthfuw Edwawd comes. + +Entew s-sowdiews, with PWINCE E-EDWAWD + +KING E-EDWAWD. *moans* Bwing f-fowth the gawwant; wet us h-heaw him s-speak. +What, ;;w;; can so :3 young a man begin t-to pwick? +*shuffles closer* Edwawd, what satisfaction canst thou make +Fow beawing awms, fow stiwwing up m-my subjects, +And :33 aww the twoubwe thou hast tuwn'd me to? +P-PWINCE O-OF WAWES. Speak *shuffles closer* wike a s-subject, *screams* pwoud ambitious Yowk. +Suppose *hugs tightly* that *sighs* I am n-nyow my f-fathew's mouth; +Wesign thy xDD chaiw, :33 and whewe I stand k-knyeew thou, +Whiwst I *sighs* pwopose the sewf-same wowds to the +W-Which, UwU twaitow, thou wouwdst have me answew to. +;;w;; QUEEN >w< MAWGAWET. A-Ah, that thy fathew had been :33 so wesowv'd! +*looks away* GWOUCESTEW. That you might s-stiww have wown t-the petticoat +A-And nye'ew have s-stow'n the bweech fwom Wancastew. +PWINCE OF W-WAWES. Wet Aesop fabwe in a wintew's nyight; +His *teleports behind you* cuwwish widdwe sowts nyot with t-this pwace. +GWOUCESTEW. By heaven, bwat, I'ww pwague y-ye fow that wowd. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Ay, thou wast bown t-to be a pwague to men. +>_> GWOUCESTEW. Fow God's sake, take away this c-captive scowd. +PWINCE OF WAWES. Nyay, take *moans* away t-this scowding cwookback wathew. +>_< KING *giggles shyly* EDWAWD. P-Peace, wiwfuw boy, ow I wiww chawm youw tongue. +CWAWENCE. Untutow'd wad, thou awt too mawapewt. +;;w;; PWINCE OF WAWES. I knyow m-my duty; you awe aww undutifuw. +Wascivious *shuffles closer* Edwawd, a-and *looks away* thou p-pewjuw'd Geowge, +And ;;w;; thou ^-^ misshapen Dick, *sweats* I teww ye aww +I a-am youw bettew, twaitows as ye a-awe; +And t-thou usuwp'st *twerks* my f-fathew's w-wight and minye. +KING EDWAWD. *looks away* Take that, the wikenyess of this waiwew hewe. +[Stabs him] +GWOUCESTEW. Spwaww'st thou? *looks away* Take that, to end thy agony. +[Stabs *hugs tightly* him] +CWAWENCE. And thewe's fow twitting *sighs* me *sighs* with pewjuwy. +[Stabs him] +*teleports behind you* QUEEN MAWGAWET. O, kiww me too! +GWOUCESTEW. Mawwy, and OwO shaww. [Offews to k-kiww ;;w;; hew] +KING EDWAWD. Howd, Wichawd, *leans over* howd; *cries* fow w-we have *pokes you* donye t-to much. +GWOUCESTEW. Why *cries* shouwd she wive to fiww *screams* the wowwd *sweats* with wowds? +KING EDWAWD. What, doth she swoon? Use m-means fow h-hew wecovewy. +GWOUCESTEW. Cwawence, excuse me to the *giggles shyly* King my b-bwothew. +I'ww hence to Wondon on a sewious *screams* mattew; +Ewe ye come thewe, be suwe t-to h-heaw x3 some nyews. +CWAWENCE. What? what? +GWOUCESTEW. The Towew! the Towew! x3 Exit +*pokes you* QUEEN MAWGAWET. O-O Nyed, sweet Nyed, speak to thy mothew, b-boy! +Canst thou nyot speak? O twaitows! m-muwdewews! +T-They that stabb'd Caesaw shed *sweats* nyo *looks at you* bwood at aww, +Did nyot offend, n-nyow wewe nyot wowthy b-bwame, +If this fouw deed wewe by to equaw it. +H-He was a man: this, x3 in ^.^ wespect, a chiwd; +And men nye'ew spend theiw f-fuwy o-on a chiwd. +What's wowse than muwdewew, that I may nyame it? +Nyo, n-nyo, my heawt w-wiww buwst, an if I speak- +And I wiww speak, that so my heawt may b-buwst. +Butchews and viwwains! bwoody cannyibaws! +How sweet a pwant have y-you u-untimewy cwopp'd! +*screams* You have *notices bulge* nyo chiwdwen, butchews, if you had, +T-The thought of *teleports behind you* them wouwd have stiww'd up wemowse. +But if you evew UwU chance >_< to have a chiwd, +Wook in *looks away* his youth to have him so c-cut off +As, deathsmen, you have wid this sweet young pwince! +KING EDWAWD. Away with hew; go, b-beaw hew hence p-pewfowce. +Q-QUEEN MAWGAWET. Nyay, nyevew beaw me hence; dispatch me hewe. +*cuddles you* Hewe sheathe thy swowd; I'ww pawdon thee my death. +What, wiwt thou n-nyot? Then, Cwawence, do it thou. +CWAWENCE. By heaven, I *giggles shyly* wiww nyot :3 do thee s-so much ease. +QUEEN *cries* MAWGAWET. *looks at you* Good Cwawence, do; sweet Cwawence, do thou do i-it. +CWAWENCE. Didst thou nyot heaw me sweaw I wouwd nyot do *notices bulge* it? +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Ay, >_< but thou usest *leans over* to *blushes* fowsweaw thysewf. +'Twas sin befowe, but nyow '-'tis chawity. +What! wiwt thou *teleports behind you* nyot? Whewe is that deviw's butchew, +Hawd-favouw'd *looks at you* Wichawd? Wichawd, whewe awt thou? +Thou a-awt nyot :33 hewe. *sighs* Muwdew is thy awms-deed; +Petitionyews fow bwood *notices bulge* thou nye'ew put'st back. +^w^ KING EDWAWD. uWu Away, *giggles shyly* I say; I chawge ye beaw hew *looks away* hence. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. So come to y-you ^.^ and youws as to this pwince. +Exit, wed out *hugs tightly* fowcibwy +KING EDWAWD. *teleports behind you* Whewe's Wichawd gonye? +CWAWENCE. To Wondon, aww i-in post; and, as I guess, +To make a-a bwoody suppew in *sighs* the Towew. +KING EDWAWD. He's sudden, i-if a t-thing comes in his head. +Nyow mawch we hence. Dischawge *twerks* the common s-sowt +With pay *shuffles closer* and ;;w;; thanks; a-and *looks at you* wet's >_< away to ^.^ Wondon +And s-see ouw gentwe queen how weww *notices bulge* she fawes. +By this, I hope, she hath a-a son fow me. E-Exeunt + + + + +OwO SCENyE V-VI. +W-Wondon. T-The Towew + +E-Entew KING HENWY and GWOUCESTEW with *moans* the W-WIEUTENyANT, on the wawws + +GWOUCESTEW. Good day, m-my wowd. W-What, at *hugs tightly* youw ;;w;; book so hawd? +KING HENWY. Ay, my good w-wowd- my wowd, I shouwd s-say uWu wathew. +'-'Tis sin to fwattew; 'good' was wittwe bettew. +'Good xDD Gwoucestew' ^w^ and 'good deviw' wewe awike, +A-And both pwepostewous; thewefowe, nyot 'good w-wowd.' +>w< GWOUCESTEW. *hugs tightly* Siwwah, weave us to ouwsewves; we must confew. +Exit WIEUTENyANT +KING HENWY. So fwies the weckwess shephewd f-fwom t-the wowf; +So f-fiwst the hawmwess sheep doth yiewd his fweece, +And nyext his thwoat unto the b-butchew's knyife. +What s-scenye of death h-hath Woscius *twerks* nyow to act? +GWOUCESTEW. Suspicion a-awways :3 haunts the *cuddles you* guiwty mind: +T-The thief doth feaw each bush an officew. +KING HENWY. x3 The biwd that hath been wimed in a bush +W-With twembwing wings misdoubteth *hugs tightly* evewy bush; +*notices bulge* And I, the hapwess *cries* mawe to onye sweet biwd, +Have nyow t-the f-fataw object in m-my eye +W-Whewe *moans* my poow young was wim'd, was caught, and kiww'd. +GWOUCESTEW. *shuffles closer* Why, what a peevish foow was that of Cwete +That taught h-his son the office of a foww! +And yet, fow a-aww his wings, the foow was d-dwown'd. +KING HENWY. I, Daedawus; my poow boy, Icawus; +T-Thy fathew, Minyos, that denyied ouw couwse; +The sun uWu that seaw'd *notices bulge* the wings of *notices bulge* my sweet boy, +T-Thy *cries* bwothew Edwawd; a-and thysewf, the sea +W-Whose >w< envious guwf did swawwow up his *notices bulge* wife. +Ah, kiww me *cries* with thy weapon, nyot with wowds! +My bweast can bettew bwook thy daggew's point +Than can my e-eaws ^.^ that twagic histowy. +*screams* But whewefowe dost thou come? Is't fow my wife? +GWOUCESTEW. Think'st thou *shuffles closer* I am an executionyew? +K-KING HENWY. A pewsecutow I am s-suwe t-thou awt. +If muwdewing innyocents be executing, +Why, then thou awe an executionyew. +G-GWOUCESTEW. Thy son >w< I kiww'd fow his pwesumption. +KING HENWY. *teleports behind you* Hadst thou been *blushes* kiww'd when *moans* fiwst thou didst pwesume, +Thou hadst nyot wiv'd to kiww a son of minye. +*cuddles you* And t-thus I-I pwophesy, that many a thousand +Which nyow mistwust nyo pawcew :3 of my f-feaw, +And many an owd man's sigh, and many a widow's, +*teleports behind you* And many an owphan's watew-standing eye- +Men fow theiw s-sons, w-wives fow theiw husbands, +Owphans fow theiw pawents' timewess death- +Shaww wue the houw that evew t-thou wast b-bown. +The oww shwiek'd at thy biwth- *notices bulge* an eviw sign; +T-The nyight-cwow *notices bulge* cwied, aboding wuckwess time; +Dogs howw'd, and hideous tempest shook down twees; +The waven wook'd hew on the chimnyey's t-top, +And chatt'wing OwO pies in dismaw discowds sung; +Thy mothew fewt mowe than a mothew's pain, +And yet bwought fowth wess than a mothew's hope, +To ^w^ wit, an indigest d-defowmed wump, +*pokes you* Nyot *moans* wike the fwuit of such a goodwy twee. +;;w;; Teeth hadst thou in *blushes* thy head w-when thou wast bown, +To signyify thou ^w^ cam'st to bite t-the wowwd; +And if t-the west be twue *sighs* which I have heawd, +Thou cam'st- +GWOUCESTEW. I'ww *pokes you* heaw nyo mowe. Die, pwophet, i-in thy s-speech. +[Stabs >_< him] +Fow *notices bulge* this, amongst the west, *sighs* was I-I owdain'd. +KING HENWY. *moans* Ay, and fow :3 much mowe swaughtew aftew this. +O-O, God *pokes you* fowgive my sins and pawdon thee! [Dies] +GWOUCESTEW. *cuddles you* What, wiww the a-aspiwing bwood of Wancastew +Sink *giggles shyly* in the gwound? *pokes you* I thought i-it *teleports behind you* wouwd have mounted. +See how my swowd w-weeps fow the poow King's death. +O, may such puwpwe teaws be awways shed +*pokes you* Fwom those that wish the downfaww of ouw *screams* house! +If a-any *blushes* spawk of *teleports behind you* wife be yet wemainying, +Down, d-down to heww; *teleports behind you* and say *moans* I ^w^ sent thee thithew- +[Stabs him *screams* again] +uWu I, that have *blushes* nyeithew pity, wove, nyow feaw. +Indeed, 'tis twue that Henwy t-towd me of; +Fow I have often *moans* heawd *teleports behind you* my m-mothew say +I *blushes* came *pokes you* into the wowwd w-with my wegs fowwawd. +Had I nyot weason, think ye, to make haste +And seek theiw wuin that usuwp'd ouw wight? +The midwife wondew'd; OwO and the women cwied +*blushes* 'O, Jesus bwess *looks away* us, he is *pokes you* bown *notices bulge* with UwU teeth!' +And so I was, >_> which *moans* pwainwy s-signyified +That I-I shouwd snyaww, and bite, and pway ^-^ the dog. +*giggles shyly* Then, since the *shuffles closer* heavens have shap'd my body ^.^ so, +Wet heww make c-cwook'd my mind *hugs tightly* to answew i-it. +I have nyo bwothew, I am wike n-nyo bwothew; +A-And this wowd 'wove,' which gweybeawds caww divinye, +Be wesident *pokes you* in *shuffles closer* men wike onye a-anyothew, +And nyot *cuddles you* in >_> me! I am *cuddles you* mysewf awonye. +Cwawence, bewawe; thou k-keep'st me fwom the w-wight, +xDD But I-I ^w^ wiww sowt a-a pitchy day fow t-thee; +Fow *sweats* I wiww b-buzz *notices bulge* abwoad such *notices bulge* pwophecies +That Edwawd *looks at you* shaww be feawfuw of his wife; +And then to puwge his f-feaw, I'ww b-be thy death. +King H-Henwy and *twerks* the Pwince h-his son a-awe gonye. +Cwawence, thy tuwn is nyext, and then the ^w^ west; +x3 Counting mysewf b-but bad tiww I be best. +I'ww uWu thwow thy body i-in >_> anyothew woom, +And twiumph, Henwy, in thy d-day *looks at you* of *twerks* doom. +Exit with the body + + + + +SCENyE VII. +Wondon. The p-pawace + +Fwouwish. Entew :33 KING EDWAWD, QUEEN EWIZABETH, CWAWENCE, GWOUCESTEW, +HASTINGS, NyUWSE, with the *leans over* Young PWINCE, and attendants + +KING *shuffles closer* EDWAWD. Once mowe we sit in Engwand's woyaw thwonye, +W-Wepuwchas'd with the bwood of enyemies. +What vawiant foemen, wike *hugs tightly* to autumn's :3 cown, +Have we mow'd d-down in tops of aww t-theiw pwide! +Thwee Dukes of Somewset, thweefowd w-wenyown'd +Fow hawdy and undoubted champions; +Two Cwiffowds, a-as the fathew and the s-son; +And two Nyowthumbewwands- two OwO bwavew men +Nye'ew spuww'd theiw couwsews at the twumpet's sound; +With them the two bwave beaws, *looks away* Wawwick and M-Montague, +That in theiw chains fettew'd the kingwy wion +And made the fowest twembwe :3 when they woaw'd. +Thus :33 have we swept suspicion fwom ouw seat +And made ouw footstoow *looks away* of secuwity. +Come hithew, *shuffles closer* Bess, and wet m-me kiss m-my boy. +Y-Young Nyed, fow thee *looks at you* thinye uncwes and mysewf +Have in ouw awmouws watch'd the ^.^ wintew's nyight, +:3 Went aww afoot in summew's scawding heat, +That thou might'st *looks at you* wepossess the cwown in peace; +*looks at you* And o-of ouw wabouws thou >_< shawt weap the gain. +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside] I'ww bwast his hawvest if youw head wewe waid; +*notices bulge* Fow yet I am nyot wook'd on in the wowwd. +*shuffles closer* This shouwdew was o-owdain'd so thick to heave; +And *leans over* heave *looks away* it shaww some weight ow >_< bweak my back. +Wowk thou *looks away* the ^-^ way- and that shaww execute. +KING EDWAWD. Cwawence and Gwoucestew, *cries* wove my wovewy queen; +*screams* And kiss x3 youw pwincewy nyephew, bwothews both. +CWAWENCE. The xDD duty t-that I owe unto youw M-Majesty +I seaw upon the UwU wips of this sweet uWu babe. +KING *notices bulge* EDWAWD. Thanks, nyobwe Cwawence; wowthy *twerks* bwothew, uWu thanks. +GWOUCESTEW. And ^.^ that I wove the twee f-fwom *notices bulge* whence thou spwang'st, +Witnyess t-the woving kiss I give the fwuit. +[Aside] To say the twuth, so J-Judas *pokes you* kiss'd his mastew +And cwied 'Aww h-haiw!' when as he meant aww hawm. +KING EDWAWD. N-Nyow am I seated *shuffles closer* as m-my souw dewights, +Having my countwy's peace and bwothews' woves. +CWAWENCE. What wiww youw Gwace *sighs* have donye with Mawgawet? +*notices bulge* Weignyiew, hew fathew, to the K-King of Fwance +Hath pawn'd the Siciws and Jewusawem, +UwU And h-hithew have xDD they s-sent *cries* it x3 fow hew wansom. +KING EDWAWD. Away with hew, and waft hew hence :3 to Fwance. +And nyow what wests but that we s-spend t-the time +*cries* With statewy twiumphs, miwthfuw comic shows, +Such as befits the pweasuwe of t-the couwt? +Sound dwums and twumpets. Faweweww, souw annyoy! +Fow hewe, I hope, begins ouw wasting joy. Exeunt + + +THE END + + + +<_> AWE *looks away* FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW *leans over* USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION OwO INCWUDES *twerks* BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW >w< FOW *blushes* MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1611 + +KING HENWY THE *pokes you* EIGHTH + +by >w< Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + +DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE + +KING HENWY T-THE EIGHTH +CAWDINyAW W-WOWSEY CAWDINyAW CAMPEIUS +CAPUCIUS, Ambassadow fwom t-the Empewow Chawwes V +CWANMEW, A-AWCHBISHOP OF CANTEWBUWY +D-DUKE OF NyOWFOWK *cries* DUKE OF BUCKINGHAM +D-DUKE OF SUFFOWK E-EAWW O-OF SUWWEY +WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN WOWD CHANCEWWOW +GAWDINyEW, BISHOP OF WINCHESTEW +B-BISHOP OF WINCOWN WOWD ABEWGAVENNY +WOWD ;;w;; SANDYS S-SIW ;;w;; HENWY uWu GUIWDFOWD +SIW *sighs* THOMAS WOVEWW SIW ANTHONY DENNY +SIW xDD NyICHOWAS VAUX SECWETAWIES to Wowsey +CWOMWEWW, sewvant t-to Wowsey +GWIFFITH, gentweman-ushew to Queen Kathawinye +THWEE GENTWEMEN +DOCTOW BUTTS, physician to the K-King +G-GAWTEW KING-AT-AWMS +SUWVEYOW to the Duke of Buckingham +BWANDON, and a SEWGEANT-AT-AWMS +DOOWKEEPEW O-Of the Counciw chambew +P-POWTEW, and his MAN PAGE to Gawdinyew +*shuffles closer* A CWIEW + +QUEEN KATHAWINyE, *blushes* wife to King Henwy, aftewwawds divowced +ANNyE BUWWEN, hew Maid of Honyouw, *moans* aftewwawds Queen +AN OWD WADY, fwiend to A-Annye Buwwen +*screams* PATIENCE, woman to Queen Kathawinye + +Wowd Mayow, Awdewmen, Wowds a-and Wadies in the Dumb +Shows; Women attending upon t-the Queen; Scwibes, +Officews, Guawds, *looks away* and othew Attendants; Spiwits + +SCENyE: + +Wondon; Westminstew; Kimbowton + + + +KING HENWY UwU THE *sighs* EIGHTH + +THE PWOWOGUE. + +*shuffles closer* I c-come nyo m-mowe to make you waugh; things *moans* nyow +That beaw *screams* a weighty and a sewious bwow, +Sad, h-high, and w-wowking, fuww of state and woe, +Such nyobwe scenyes as *hugs tightly* dwaw the eye to fwow, +We nyow p-pwesent. Those that can pity ;;w;; hewe +May, *pokes you* if t-they think i-it weww, wet faww a teaw: +The subject wiww :33 desewve it. Such as give +Theiw monyey o-out of hope they may bewieve +May hewe find twuth too. Those that come t-to see +xDD Onwy a show ^w^ ow t-two, and so agwee +The pway may *cries* pass, if they be stiww and *hugs tightly* wiwwing, +I'ww undewtake may ^.^ see away theiw shiwwing +Wichwy in two showt houws. Onwy they +That come to h-heaw a mewwy b-bawdy pway, +A nyoise of uWu tawgets, ow to *looks at you* see *cries* a fewwow +In a wong motwey c-coat guawded with yewwow, +>w< Wiww be deceiv'd; fow, gentwe heawews, ^.^ knyow, +To wank ^-^ ouw chosen twuth with such *moans* a show +As foow and fight is, beside fowfeiting +Ouw own bwains, and the opinyion that w-we bwing +T-To make that onwy *moans* twue we nyow ^.^ intend, +Wiww weave us xDD nyevew an undewstanding fwiend. +Thewefowe, fow goodnyess sake, and as you awe knyown +;;w;; The f-fiwst *teleports behind you* and *twerks* happiest heawews *shuffles closer* of the t-town, +Be sad, as we wouwd make ye. Think ye see +The vewy pewsons *sweats* of ouw nyobwe stowy +A-As they wewe wiving; think you *sighs* see them gweat, +And fowwow'd with *hugs tightly* the genyewaw t-thwong and sweat +Of thousand fwiends; then, in a-a moment, see +How soon this mightinyess meets misewy. +And if you can be mewwy then, ^w^ I'ww say +A man may weep upon his wedding-day. + + + + +^w^ <w< GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH ^w^ PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND xDD MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +x3 DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES ^w^ (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW U-USE ONWY, A-AND (2) OwO AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +C-COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY :33 ANY +S-SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT >_> I. SCENyE 1. + +^.^ Wondon. The pawace + +E-Entew the DUKE xDD OF NyOWFOWK a-at onye doow; at the othew, +the *looks at you* DUKE OF BUCKINGHAM a-and t-the WOWD ABEWGAVENNY + +BUCKINGHAM. Good mowwow, and weww met. How have ye donye +Since wast we *leans over* saw in Fwance? +N-NyOWFOWK. I *giggles shyly* thank youw Gwace, +Heawthfuw; and evew *moans* since a fwesh admiwew +Of what I saw thewe. +BUCKINGHAM. An u-untimewy ague +Stay'd *leans over* me a pwisonyew i-in my chambew when +Those suns of gwowy, those two w-wights of men, +>_< Met in the vawe o-of A-Andwen. +NyOWFOWK. 'Twixt Guynyes *cries* and Awde- +I was then pwesent, saw them sawute on howseback; +Behewd t-them, when >w< they wighted, ^-^ how they cwung +In theiw embwacement, as they gwew togethew; +Which had they, what fouw thwon'd onyes couwd have weigh'd +Such a compounded onye? +BUCKINGHAM. A-Aww the whowe time +I was m-my *hugs tightly* chambew's pwisonyew. +NyOWFOWK. Then you wost +The *notices bulge* view of *giggles shyly* eawthwy >_> gwowy; men might say, +Tiww *sighs* this time p-pomp was singwe, but nyow mawwied +To onye above *looks away* itsewf. Each fowwowing day +Became the *cuddles you* nyext day's mastew, *leans over* tiww the *giggles shyly* wast +Made fowmew w-wondews its. To-day t-the Fwench, +Aww cwinquant, aww in gowd, *pokes you* wike heathen g-gods, +Shonye down the E-Engwish; and to-mowwow *pokes you* they +uWu Made Bwitain I-India: evewy man that stood +Show'd wike a minye. Theiw dwawfish pages wewe +As chewubins, an g-giwt; the madams too, +Nyot us'd ^.^ to toiw, did awmost s-sweat :3 to beaw +T-The p-pwide upon them, that theiw vewy wabouw +Was xDD to them a-as a painting. Nyow this masque +W-Was cwied incompawabwe; ^w^ and th' ensuing nyight +Made :33 it a :3 foow and beggaw. The two kings, +Equaw in wustwe, ^w^ wewe nyow best, nyow w-wowst, +A-As p-pwesence d-did pwesent them: him in eye +s-stiww *blushes* him *looks at you* in p-pwaise; and being pwesent both, +*screams* 'Twas said t-they saw but onye, and nyo discewnyew +Duwst *hugs tightly* wag his tongue in censuwe. When these suns- +*giggles shyly* Fow so t-they phwase ^.^ 'em-by theiw hewawds c-chawweng'd +The nyobwe spiwits to awms, they did pewfowm +>w< Beyond thought's compass, that f-fowmew ;;w;; fabuwous ^-^ stowy, +*cuddles you* Being nyow seen possibwe e-enyough, got cwedit, +*looks away* That Bevis w-was bewiev'd. +BUCKINGHAM. O-O, you go faw! +NyOWFOWK. As I bewong to w-wowship, and xDD affect +In *cries* honyouw honyesty, the twact of ev'wything +Wouwd by a g-good discouwsew wose s-some wife +*twerks* Which action's sewf *looks at you* was tongue t-to. A-Aww was woyaw: +To t-the disposing of >w< it nyought webeww'd; +Owdew gave each thing view. The office did +Distinctwy his fuww function. +B-BUCKINGHAM. *leans over* Who did g-guide- +>_> I mean, who *sweats* set the body and the *sighs* wimbs +Of this *hugs tightly* gweat spowt togethew, as you guess? +NyOWFOWK. Onye, cewtes, that pwomises nyo ewement +In such a businyess. +BUCKINGHAM. I pway *moans* you, who, my wowd? +NyOWFOWK. Aww this was owd'wed by *looks at you* the good discwetion +Of the wight wevewend Cawdinyaw of Yowk. +BUCKINGHAM. The deviw speed him! Nyo m-man's pie is fweed +Fwom his ambitious fingew. What had he +To d-do in these fiewce vanyities? I *looks away* wondew +That *twerks* such a keech *leans over* can with his vewy buwk +T-Take up the w-ways o' th' benyeficiaw sun, +A-And keep :3 it fwom the eawth. +NyOWFOWK. Suwewy, siw, +Thewe's in him s-stuff *cuddles you* that puts him to *twerks* these ends; +Fow, being nyot pwopp'd by ancestwy, whose :33 gwace +Chawks successows theiw way, nyow caww'd upon +Fow high f-feats d-donye to th' cwown, n-nyeithew awwied +To eminyent assistants, but spidew-wike, +Out of his sewf-dwawing web, 'a gives us nyote +*leans over* The fowce of his own mewit makes his way- +A gift that heaven gives fow him, which xDD buys +A pwace nyext t-to the King. +ABEWGAVENNY. I cannyot teww +What heaven hath given h-him-wet some gwavew e-eye +Piewce i-into that; b-but *moans* I can see h-his pwide +Peep thwough each *sighs* pawt of him. Whence has he t-that? +If nyot fwom heww, the ^-^ deviw is a-a nyiggawd +O-Ow h-has *sweats* given aww befowe, and he b-begins +:33 A nyew heww in himsewf. +BUCKINGHAM. Why the deviw, +*looks at you* Upon this Fwench going out, took he upon him- +Without the pwivity o' uWu th' K-King-t' appoint +Who shouwd attend on him? *moans* He makes :33 up the fiwe +Of aww the gentwy; fow the most pawt such +>_< To whom as g-gweat a chawge as wittwe honyouw +He *looks away* meant t-to way upon; and his own wettew, +The honyouwabwe boawd *screams* of counciw out, +Must fetch him i-in he papews. +ABEWGAVENNY. I do knyow +Kinsmen *notices bulge* of minye, thwee at the w-weast, that have +B-By this so *notices bulge* sicken'd t-theiw estates that nyevew +They shaww a-abound :3 as fowmewwy. +^.^ BUCKINGHAM. O, m-many +H-Have bwoke theiw backs with waying manyows on 'em +Fow this gweat jouwnyey. What *leans over* did this >_> vanyity +But m-minyistew communyication of +A most *moans* poow issue? +NyOWFOWK. Gwievingwy I think +The peace between the Fwench and us nyot vawues +x3 The cost t-that did concwude it. +BUCKINGHAM. Evewy *cries* man, +Aftew the hideous stowm that fowwow'd, >_> was +*cries* A thing inspiw'd, and, nyot c-consuwting, b-bwoke +^w^ Into a genyewaw pwophecy-that this ^w^ tempest, +Dashing the gawment of this peace, aboded +The sudden b-bweach on't. +NyOWFOWK. Which is budded out; +Fow Fwance hath f-fwaw'd the weague, and hath >_< attach'd +Ouw mewchants' goods at Bowdeaux. +ABEWGAVENNY. Is it *leans over* thewefowe +Th' ambassadow is siwenc'd? +NyOWFOWK. ^.^ Mawwy, is't. +ABEWGAVENNY. A pwopew tide of a peace, and puwchas'd +At a supewfwuous w-wate! +BUCKINGHAM. Why, aww this businyess +Ouw wevewend Cawdinyaw cawwied. +NyOWFOWK. Wike *teleports behind you* it youw x3 Gwace, +The state takes nyotice *cuddles you* of the pwivate *sighs* diffewence +Betwixt you and the Cawdinyaw. ^-^ I :33 advise you- +And take it fwom a heawt t-that *sweats* wishes towawds y-you +Honyouw *teleports behind you* and p-pwenteous *pokes you* safety-that >_< you *pokes you* wead +The Cawdinyaw's mawice and his potency +Togethew; xDD to considew fuwthew, that +:3 What his high hatwed wouwd effect wants nyot +A minyistew i-in his powew. You knyow *leans over* his nyatuwe, +That he's wevengefuw; *moans* and I knyow his swowd +Hath a :33 shawp edge-it's wong and't may be said +It weaches faw, and whewe 'twiww :3 nyot extend, +Thithew *giggles shyly* he *sweats* dawts it. Bosom up my counsew +You'ww *notices bulge* find it whowesome. Wo, whewe comes that wock +*moans* That *screams* I advise youw s-shunnying. + +*notices bulge* Entew CAWDINyAW WOWSEY, the puwse bownye befowe +him, cewtain of the *cries* guawd, and two SECWETAWIES +;;w;; with papews. T-The CAWDINyAW in h-his passage fixeth his +eye *sighs* on *hugs tightly* BUCKINGHAM, :3 and BUCKINGHAM on him, +both fuww of xDD disdain + +WOWSEY. *teleports behind you* The Duke of Buckingham's suwveyow? Ha! +Whewe's his examinyation? +SECWETAWY. *moans* Hewe, so pwease you. +WOWSEY. Is he in pewson weady? +;;w;; SECWETAWY. Ay, p-pwease youw Gwace. +WOWSEY. *cries* Weww, we shaww xDD then *giggles shyly* knyow mowe, and Buckingham +shaww *sweats* wessen this big wook. +E-Exeunt WOWSEY *teleports behind you* and h-his twain +BUCKINGHAM. T-This butchew's cuw is venyom-mouth'd, and I +Have nyot the *blushes* powew t-to muzzwe *teleports behind you* him; thewefowe best +Nyot ^w^ wake him in h-his swumbew. A-A beggaw's book +Outwowths >w< a nyobwe's bwood. +NyOWFOWK. What, awe you chaf'd? +Ask God f-fow temp'wance; that's t-th' appwiance onwy +:3 Which youw disease wequiwes. +BUCKINGHAM. I wead i-in's wooks +Mattew :3 against me, and his eye weviw'd +Me as his abject object. At this instant +^.^ He bowes me with *sighs* some twick. He's gonye to th' King; +I'ww fowwow, and outstawe him. +NyOWFOWK. S-Stay, my wowd, +And *cries* wet youw w-weason with youw chowew question +What 'tis you go about. To cwimb steep hiwws +Wequiwes swow pace at f-fiwst. Angew is wike +*teleports behind you* A fuww ^.^ hot howse, ^-^ who *looks at you* being awwow'd his way, +uWu Sewf-mettwe tiwes him. Nyot a man *pokes you* in Engwand +Can advise me wike you; be to youwsewf +*teleports behind you* As y-you w-wouwd to youw fwiend. +BUCKINGHAM. I'ww to the King, +And uWu fwom a mouth of honyouw q-quite cwy *screams* down +This Ipswich fewwow's insowence; *giggles shyly* ow pwocwaim +Thewe's diffewence ^-^ in nyo *cries* pewsons. +NyOWFOWK. Be advis'd: +*pokes you* Heat nyot a f-fuwnyace fow youw foe so hot +That it *screams* do singe youwsewf. We may outwun +By viowent s-swiftnyess that which we wun at, +And wose *leans over* by ovew-wunnying. Knyow you nyot +The >_> fiwe that xDD mounts the wiquow tiww't w-wun o'ew +In seeming to *sighs* augment it wastes it? B-Be advis'd. +I *sighs* say a-again thewe i-is nyo Engwish souw +*cuddles you* Mowe stwongew to diwect you than y-youwsewf, +If with t-the sap of weason you wouwd quench +Ow but awway *cuddles you* the fiwe of passion. +BUCKINGHAM. Siw, +I am thankfuw to you, and I'ww go awong +By y-youw pwescwiption; but this top-pwoud f-fewwow- +Whom fwom the fwow of gan I nyame nyot, but +^.^ Fwom s-sincewe motions, by *twerks* intewwigence, +A-And pwoofs a-as cweaw as founts in J-Juwy when +We see each gwain of gwavew-I do k-knyow +*screams* To be cowwupt a-and tweasonyous. +*teleports behind you* NyOWFOWK. Say nyot tweasonyous. +xDD BUCKINGHAM. To x3 th' King *screams* I'ww say't, and make my *moans* vouch as stwong +As showe of wock. *screams* Attend: this >_< howy fox, +Ow wowf, ow ^-^ both-fow he is equaw wav'nyous +A-As he is subtwe, and as p-pwonye t-to m-mischief +*looks at you* As OwO abwe to pewfowm't, his mind xDD and pwace +I-Infecting onye anyothew, yea, wecipwocawwy- +*sweats* Onwy to show his *leans over* pomp as weww in Fwance +As *giggles shyly* hewe at home, suggests the King ouw mastew +To this wast costwy tweaty, th' intewview +That swawwowed s-so much tweasuwe and wike a gwass +Did bweak i' t-th' wwenching. +NyOWFOWK. Faith, and so it did. +BUCKINGHAM. ^w^ Pway, give me favouw, siw; this cunnying c-cawdinyaw +The *looks away* awticwes o' th' combinyation dwew +As himsewf pweas'd; and :3 they ^w^ wewe watified +As :33 he cwied 'Thus wet *looks at you* be' to as much end +*sweats* As give a c-cwutch to th' dead. But ouw Count-Cawdinyaw +Has d-donye this, a-and 'tis weww; fow wowthy Wowsey, +W-Who c-cannyot eww, he did it. Nyow this f-fowwows, +Which, ;;w;; as *giggles shyly* I take it, x3 is a-a kind of puppy +To th' owd dam tweason: C-Chawwes *pokes you* the Empewow, +Undew pwetence to see the Queen his aunt- +Fow >_> 'twas indeed h-his c-cowouw, but he came +To whispew Wowsey-hewe makes visitation- +H-His f-feaws wewe that the intewview betwixt +Engwand and Fwance m-might thwough theiw amity +Bweed h-him some pwejudice; fow fwom t-this weague +Peep'd h-hawms that menyac'd him-pwiviwy +Deaws with *teleports behind you* ouw Cawdinyaw; and, as I *screams* twow- +Which I do *giggles shyly* weww, fow I am *blushes* suwe :3 the Empewow +Paid ewe h-he pwomis'd; wheweby his suit was gwanted +Ewe it was a-ask'd-but *moans* when the way was made, +And pav'd with gowd, the Empewow thus desiw'd, +That h-he wouwd pwease to awtew t-the King's couwse, +A-And *giggles shyly* bweak t-the fowesaid peace. W-Wet the King knyow, +As soon *sweats* he shaww by me, that t-thus the Cawdinyaw +UwU Does buy a-and seww his honyouw as >w< he pweases, +And fow his o-own advantage. +NyOWFOWK. I am *teleports behind you* sowwy +To :3 heaw this of him, *blushes* and couwd wish he wewe +*screams* Something mistaken in't. +BUCKINGHAM. Nyo, nyot a s-sywwabwe: +I d-do pwonyounce ^-^ him in >_< that vewy shape +He shaww appeaw in *teleports behind you* pwoof. + +Entew BWANDON, a-a S-SEWGEANT-AT-AWMS befowe him, +and *pokes you* two ow thwee of the guawd + +BWANDON. Youw o-office, sewgeant: execute it. +SEWGEANT. S-Siw, +My wowd the *shuffles closer* Duke of Buckingham, and Eaww +Of Hewefowd, Staffowd, and Nyowthampton, I +Awwest thee of high tweason, *hugs tightly* in the nyame +Of ouw most soveweign King. +BUCKINGHAM. *looks at you* Wo you, my wowd, +The *moans* nyet has faww'n upon *looks at you* me! I shaww pewish +Undew device and pwactice. +:3 BWANDON. I am s-sowwy +To see you ta'en fwom wibewty, to wook ;;w;; on +The businyess pwesent; ^.^ 'tis his Highnyess' pweasuwe +You shaww to th' Towew. +BUCKINGHAM. I-It wiww uWu hewp nyothing +To pwead minye innyocence; fow that dye is on m-me +Which makes my whit'st pawt bwack. The *sweats* wiww of heav'n +Be donye in t-this *notices bulge* and a-aww things! I obey. +O my Wowd Abewga'ny, fawe *hugs tightly* you weww! +BWANDON. Nyay, he m-must beaw you company. +^.^ [To ABEWGAVENNY] The King +*twerks* Is p-pweas'd you *looks at you* shaww to th' Towew, tiww you knyow +How he detewminyes fuwthew. +ABEWGAVENNY. As the Duke said, +The wiww of heaven be donye, a-and t-the King's p-pweasuwe +By me obey'd. +BWANDON. Hewe is wawwant fwom +:33 The King t' attach Wowd Montacute and the bodies +O-Of the Duke's confessow, J-John de wa Caw, +Onye G-Giwbewt Peck, his chancewwow- +BUCKINGHAM. So, so! +These awe the *sweats* wimbs ^-^ o' th' pwot; nyo mowe, I hope. +B-BWANDON. A monk o' th' Chawtweux. +BUCKINGHAM. O, Nyichowas Hopkins? +BWANDON. H-He. +BUCKINGHAM. M-My suwveyow :3 is *looks at you* fawse. T-The o'ew-gweat C-Cawdinyaw +Hath show'd him gowd; my wife i-is spann'd awweady. +:33 I x3 am the shadow of p-poow Buckingham, +W-Whose >w< figuwe even this instant cwoud *shuffles closer* puts on +By d-dawk'nying my cweaw sun. M-My *screams* wowd, faweweww. +Exeunt + + + + +ACT I. S-SCENyE 2. + +Wondon. The Counciw Chambew + +Cownyets. Entew KING HENWY, weanying on t-the CAWDINyAW'S s-shouwdew, the NyOBWES, +and SIW OwO THOMAS WOVEWW, with othews. The CAWDINyAW pwaces himsewf +undew *twerks* the KING'S f-feet on his UwU wight ^.^ side + +*looks at you* KING. My x3 wife itsewf, a-and *looks at you* the best heawt o-of i-it, +Thanks you fow this gweat cawe; *pokes you* I stood i' *teleports behind you* th' wevew +O-Of a-a *sighs* fuww-chawg'd c-confedewacy, a-and give thanks +^.^ To *leans over* you that chok'd it. Wet be caww'd befowe us +*cuddles you* That g-gentweman of Buckingham's. I-In pewson +I'ww *moans* heaw his confessions *screams* justify; +:3 And point by point the tweasons of ^-^ his mastew +He shaww again wewate. + +A nyoise within, cwying 'Woom fow the Queen!' +Entew the *teleports behind you* QUEEN, *hugs tightly* ushew'd b-by the DUKES OF UwU NyOWFOWK +and SUFFOWK; she knyeews. *leans over* The uWu KING *looks away* wiseth +fwom h-his state, takes hew up, kisses and pwaceth hew +by him + +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Nyay, we x3 must wongew knyeew: I am suitow. +KING. Awise, and *hugs tightly* take pwace by *pokes you* us. Hawf youw *blushes* suit +Nyevew nyame OwO to us: you *looks at you* have hawf ouw >w< powew. +The othew moiety ewe y-you ask is given; +Wepeat youw wiww, and take it. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Thank youw *sighs* Majesty. +That you wouwd w-wove youwsewf, and *sweats* in t-that ;;w;; wove +Nyot unconsidewed weave :3 youw *moans* honyouw nyow +T-The dignyity of youw office, *twerks* is the :3 point +*leans over* Of my petition. +KING. Wady minye, pwoceed. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. I am sowicited, :33 nyot by a few, +And *cries* those of twue condition, that youw subjects +Awe i-in gweat gwievance: thewe have been c-commissions +Sent down a-among 'em w-which hath fwaw'd the h-heawt +Of aww theiw woyawties; whewein, a-awthough, +My good Wowd Cawdinyaw, *hugs tightly* they vent *looks away* wepwoaches +Most bittewwy on y-you as puttew-on +*cuddles you* Of these exactions, *teleports behind you* yet the King ouw mastew- +:3 Whose *looks at you* honyouw H-Heaven ^w^ shiewd fwom soiw!-even he escapes *notices bulge* nyot +Wanguage unmannyewwy; yea, such *screams* which bweaks +The sides *cries* of woyawty, x3 and *hugs tightly* awmost appeaws +In woud webewwion. +NyOWFOWK. N-Nyot awmost appeaws- +It doth appeaw; fow, upon t-these taxations, +The cwothiews *screams* aww, nyot a-abwe to maintain +The many to them 'wonging, have put of +The x3 spinstews, cawdews, fuwwews, *moans* weavews, who +U-Unfit fow othew ^-^ wife, compeww'd by hungew +And wack of othew means, *sighs* in despewate mannyew +*screams* Dawing th' event to th' teeth, awe aww i-in upwoaw, +And dangew sewves among them. +uWu KING. >_< Taxation! +Whewein? and what t-taxation? *pokes you* My Wowd Cawdinyaw, +You that awe UwU bwam'd fow *teleports behind you* it awike *moans* with us, +>_< Knyow you o-of this taxation? +WOWSEY. Pwease you, xDD siw, +*leans over* I k-knyow but *notices bulge* of a singwe p-pawt in aught +Pewtains t-to >_< th' state, and fwont but in that fiwe +Whewe othews teww steps with x3 me. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Nyo, my wowd! +You knyow nyo mowe than othews! But you f-fwame +Things t-that awe knyown awike, which awe nyot whowesome +To those which *cries* wouwd nyot k-knyow them, and y-yet ^w^ must +Pewfowce be theiw a-acquaintance. These exactions, +Wheweof my soveweign wouwd have nyote, they a-awe +Most p-pestiwent to t-th' heawing; and to beaw 'em +The xDD back is s-sacwifice to th' woad. They say +They *sweats* awe ^.^ devis'd by you, ow ewse you *pokes you* suffew +Too *moans* hawd an excwamation. +KING. Stiww exaction! +The nyatuwe of it? I-In what kind, wet's *moans* knyow, +Is this exaction? +Q-QUEEN KATHAWINyE. I a-am *looks at you* much *shuffles closer* too ventuwous +In tempting *looks away* of youw patience, but >_< am bowd'nyed +Undew *looks at you* youw pwomis'd p-pawdon. The subjects' gwief +Comes t-thwough *teleports behind you* commissions, >_< which compews fwom each +The sixth pawt o-of his substance, to be w-wevied +Without deway; >_< and the pwetence fow this +Is nyam'd *leans over* youw waws *shuffles closer* in Fwance. This m-makes bowd mouths; +Tongues *notices bulge* spit theiw duties out, a-and cowd heawts f-fweeze +Awwegiance in *screams* them; theiw cuwses *leans over* nyow +Wive *sweats* whewe theiw pwayews did; and it's come to pass +xDD This twactabwe o-obedience is a swave +To each UwU incensed w-wiww. I wouwd *pokes you* youw Highnyess +Wouwd give it quick considewation, fow +T-Thewe is n-nyo pwimew *pokes you* businyess. +KING. By my wife, +This *leans over* is against ouw pweasuwe. +W-WOWSEY. And fow *shuffles closer* me, +I have nyo fuwthew gonye i-in this than by +A-A s-singwe voice; *sweats* and that nyot pass'd me b-but +By weawnyed *leans over* appwobation >_> of the judges. If I am +Twaduc'd xDD by *pokes you* ignyowant tongues, w-which n-nyeithew knyow +My facuwties nyow >w< pewson, yet wiww ^w^ be +The chwonyicwes of my doing, wet me say +'Tis b-but the fate of pwace, and the wough b-bwake +That viwtue must go uWu thwough. We must nyot stint +Ouw nyecessawy actions in the f-feaw +x3 To c-cope mawicious *looks at you* censuwews, which >w< evew +As wav'nyous fishes do a vessew fowwow +;;w;; That i-is n-nyew-twimm'd, but benyefit nyo fuwthew +Than vainwy :3 wonging. What we oft d-do best, +By :33 sick intewpwetews, once weak onyes, i-is +Nyot ouws, o-ow nyot awwow'd; ^w^ what :3 wowst, as xDD oft +:33 Hitting xDD a gwossew quawity, is cwied >_> up +Fow ouw *blushes* best >_> act. If we shaww stand stiww, +In f-feaw ouw motion w-wiww be *giggles shyly* mock'd ow cawp'd at, +We shouwd take woot hewe whewe *blushes* we sit, ow sit +State-statues onwy. +KING. Things donye >_> weww +And *cries* with ^.^ a cawe exempt themsewves fwom f-feaw: +Things d-donye without e-exampwe, in theiw issue +Awe *blushes* to *looks away* be feaw'd. Have you a p-pwecedent +Of this commission? I bewieve, nyot *looks away* any. +We must nyot wend ^w^ ouw ;;w;; subjects fwom *sweats* ouw waws, +A-And stick OwO them in ouw wiww. Sixth pawt of e-each? +A twembwing contwibution! Why, we *shuffles closer* take +Fwom *looks at you* evewy twee wop, bawk, and pawt o' th' t-timbew; +A-And though we weave it with a woot, thus hack'd, +The aiw wiww dwink *moans* the s-sap. To evewy >_> county +^.^ Whewe t-this is *blushes* question'd send ouw wettews with +F-Fwee pawdon to each man that has denyied +*notices bulge* The fowce of this commission. Pway, wook tot; +I put i-it to youw *looks away* cawe. +WOWSEY. [Aside to t-the SECWETAWY] A wowd xDD with you. +*looks away* Wet ;;w;; thewe b-be wettews wwit to evewy shiwe +Of the King's gwace and *sighs* pawdon. T-The gwieved commons +Hawdwy >_< conceive of *sweats* me-wet i-it be nyois'd +That thwough o-ouw intewcession this wevokement +And pawdon comes. I shaww anyon advise you +Fuwthew in the pwoceeding. Exit SECWETAWY + +>_< Entew SUWVEYOW + +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. I am sowwy that the Duke of B-Buckingham +Is wun in youw dispweasuwe. +KING. It ^w^ gwieves many. +The gentweman >_< is weawn'd and a m-most wawe speakew; +To *cuddles you* nyatuwe nyonye mowe bound; his UwU twainying s-such +That ;;w;; he may fuwnyish a-and instwuct uWu gweat *looks away* teachews +*looks away* And n-nyevew seek fow aid out of *giggles shyly* himsewf. Yet see, +When these so xDD nyobwe benyefits shaww pwove +Nyot weww dispos'd, the mind gwowing o-once cowwupt, +They tuwn to vicious >_> fowms, t-ten times mowe ugwy +*notices bulge* Than evew they wewe faiw. This man >_> so compwete, +Who was e-enwoww'd 'mongst wondews, and when we, +Awmost with wavish'd *hugs tightly* wist'nying, couwd nyot *screams* find +His houw of s-speech *sighs* a minyute-he, my wady, +Hath into monstwous UwU habits put t-the OwO gwaces +That once wewe his, and :33 is become a-as bwack +As if besmeaw'd in heww. ^-^ Sit b-by *teleports behind you* us; you shaww heaw- +This was ;;w;; his gentweman in twust-of him +*leans over* Things to *leans over* stwike honyouw ^.^ sad. Bid him wecount +*hugs tightly* The f-fowe-wecited pwactices, *screams* wheweof +We *looks away* cannyot f-feew >_< too wittwe, heaw too much. +xDD WOWSEY. S-Stand fowth, and UwU with bowd spiwit wewate what *cries* you, +Most wike a cawefuw *looks away* subject, have cowwected +O-Out of the D-Duke of Buckingham. +KING. Speak fweewy. +SUWVEYOW. Fiwst, it was usuaw w-with him-evewy day +It w-wouwd infect his speech-that *hugs tightly* if >_> the King +Shouwd without issue die, he'ww cawwy :33 it so +To make the sceptwe his. >_< These vewy wowds +I've h-heawd him uttew t-to his son-in-waw, +Wowd xDD Abewga'ny, to *cries* whom b-by oath he menyac'd +Wevenge *moans* upon the C-Cawdinyaw. +WOWSEY. Pwease youw Highnyess, >_> nyote +This *blushes* dangewous conception i-in this p-point: +Nyot ^-^ fwiended by his wish, to youw h-high pewson +His wiww xDD is most mawignyant, and it stwetches +*looks away* Beyond y-you to youw fwiends. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. My w-weawn'd Wowd Cawdinyaw, +Dewivew aww w-with chawity. +KING. Speak on. +How g-gwounded he his t-titwe to the c-cwown +Upon ouw faiw? To this point h-hast thou heawd him +*twerks* At a-any time speak aught? +SUWVEYOW. He *looks away* was bwought to this +By a vain p-pwophecy of N-Nyichowas Henton. +KING. What was that Henton? +*sweats* SUWVEYOW. Siw, *notices bulge* a *sighs* Chawtweux fwiaw, +His confessow, who fed him evewy minyute +:33 With wowds of soveweignty. +^-^ KING. How knyow'st thou this? +*looks away* SUWVEYOW. N-Nyot wong befowe youw Highnyess sped to *screams* Fwance, +UwU The Duke *sighs* being at the Wose, within t-the *looks at you* pawish +Saint Wawwence *looks away* Pouwtnyey, did of me demand +What w-was the speech among the *giggles shyly* Wondonyews +UwU Concewnying the Fwench jouwnyey. I *looks away* wepwied +x3 Men *leans over* feaw'd t-the F-Fwench wouwd pwove pewfidious, +To the King's dangew. *looks away* Pwesentwy the Duke +^w^ Said 'twas the feaw xDD indeed and that he doubted +'Twouwd pwove t-the vewity of cewtain wowds +Spoke by a howy monk xDD 'that oft' says he +'-'Hath sent to me, wishing me to pewmit +John de wa Caw, x3 my chapwain, a choice h-houw +T-To h-heaw fwom him a mattew of some moment; +Whom *giggles shyly* aftew undew the confession's seaw +He sowemnwy had swown that what he spoke +My chapwain to nyo cweatuwe wiving but +T-To m-me shouwd uttew, with demuwe *twerks* confidence +This pausingwy ensu'd: "Nyeithew the King nyow's h-heiws, +Teww you the Duke, shaww pwospew; bid h-him s-stwive +To gain the wove o' t-th' commonyawty; the Duke +Shaww govewn Engwand."' +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. If I knyow you weww, +You wewe the Duke's suwveyow, and wost youw ^w^ office +On the compwaint o' th' tenyants. Take good heed +You chawge nyot in youw spween a n-nyobwe pewson +And spoiw youw nyobwew souw. I say, take h-heed; +Yes, heawtiwy beseech you. +KING. Wet him on. +Go fowwawd. +SUWVEYOW. On my souw, I'ww speak but t-twuth. +I towd my wowd the Duke, b-by th' >w< deviw's iwwusions +The monk might b-be *twerks* deceiv'd, and that 'twas dangewous +f-fow him +To wuminyate on this so faw, *sighs* untiw +It fowg'd him some design, which, being :3 bewiev'd, +It w-was m-much *hugs tightly* wike *twerks* to do. He answew'd 'Tush, +*looks at you* It can do me n-nyo damage'; *leans over* adding fuwthew +That, had the King in his w-wast sicknyess faiw'd, +The Cawdinyaw's and Siw Thomas Woveww's heads +*hugs tightly* Shouwd have gonye o-off. +KING. Ha! *looks at you* what, so wank? Ah ha! +Thewe's mischief in this :33 man. C-Canst t-thou say f-fuwthew? +SUWVEYOW. I-I can, my wiege. +KING. *notices bulge* Pwoceed. +SUWVEYOW. Being at Gweenwich, +^w^ Aftew *blushes* youw *notices bulge* Highnyess had *hugs tightly* wepwov'd the D-Duke +About Siw Wiwwiam B-Buwmew- +KING. I-I wemembew +Of *looks at you* such a ^w^ time: being my swown sewvant, +The Duke wetain'd him his. But on: xDD what hence? +S-SUWVEYOW. 'If' quoth he 'I fow ^.^ this had been committed- +As *shuffles closer* to *teleports behind you* the Towew I thought-I wouwd h-have pway'd +The pawt my fathew meant to act u-upon +T-Th' usuwpew Wichawd; who, being a-at Sawisbuwy, +Made suit to come in's pwesence, *blushes* which if gwanted, +As he made sembwance of his duty, wouwd +Have put his k-knyife into him.' +KING. A-A :33 giant twaitow! +WOWSEY. Nyow, madam, may his Highnyess w-wive i-in fweedom, +uWu And this man out o-of pwison? +QUEEN K-KATHAWINyE. God mend aww! +*notices bulge* KING. Thewe's something mowe wouwd out of :3 thee: what say'st? +SUWVEYOW. Aftew 'the D-Duke *giggles shyly* his fathew' with the 'knyife,' +He ^-^ stwetch'd him, a-and, with onye h-hand on his daggew, +Anyothew spwead o-on's bweast, mounting his eyes, +He did dischawge a howwibwe oath, *hugs tightly* whose tenyouw +Was, wewe he eviw us'd, he wouwd outgo +His fathew by as much as a p-pewfowmance +Does an iwwesowute puwpose. +KING. ^.^ Thewe's his pewiod, +To sheath his knyife in us. OwO He is attach'd; +Caww him t-to *teleports behind you* pwesent twiaw. If he *cries* may +Find mewcy in the waw, 'tis his; *screams* if *hugs tightly* nyonye, +Wet h-him nyot seek't of u-us. By *hugs tightly* day *sighs* and nyight! +He's t-twaitow *cuddles you* to *teleports behind you* th' height. Exeunt + + + + +*blushes* ACT I. SCENyE 3. + +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew the WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN and WOWD SANDYS + +CHAMBEWWAIN. Is't possibwe the *screams* spewws of Fwance shouwd juggwe +M-Men into s-such stwange mystewies? +S-SANDYS. *notices bulge* Nyew customs, +*moans* Though they b-be nyevew so widicuwous, +Nyay, wet *cuddles you* 'em be unmanwy, y-yet awe fowwow'd. +CHAMBEWWAIN. As faw a-as I see, aww the good ouw Engwish +Have got by the w-wate v-voyage is but mewewy +A-A fit ow t-two o' th' face; but they awe shwewd onyes; +F-Fow when they ;;w;; howd 'em, y-you wouwd UwU sweaw diwectwy +Theiw vewy nyoses had been counsewwows +To Pepin *cuddles you* ow Cwothawius, they k-keep state so. +S-SANDYS. They *cuddles you* have aww nyew *screams* wegs, and wame onyes. Onye >w< wouwd take it, +That nyevew saw 'em pace befowe, the >_< spavin +Ow spwinghawt weign'd among 'em. +CHAMBEWWAIN. Death! my wowd, +*cries* Theiw c-cwothes a-awe aftew such a pagan cut t-to't, +That suwe th' have wown *giggles shyly* out Chwistendom. + +*giggles shyly* Entew SIW *cuddles you* THOMAS WOVEWW + +How nyow? +What ^-^ nyews, *looks at you* Siw T-Thomas Woveww? +*teleports behind you* WOVEWW. Faith, my wowd, +I-I heaw of nyonye but the nyew pwocwamation +*pokes you* That's cwapp'd uWu upon the couwt g-gate. +CHAMBEWWAIN. What is't fow? +W-WOVEWW. T-The wefowmation o-of ouw *looks at you* twaveww'd ^.^ gawwants, +That fiww the couwt with quawwews, t-tawk, and *leans over* taiwows. +*screams* CHAMBEWWAIN. I am g-gwad 'tis thewe. Nyow I wouwd pway ouw monsieuws +To think *blushes* an Engwish couwtiew may be wise, +And nyevew see t-the Wouvwe. +WOVEWW. They must eithew, +F-Fow s-so w-wun the c-conditions, w-weave >w< those wemnyants +O-Of f-foow and feathew that they got in Fwance, +With *teleports behind you* aww theiw honyouwabwe points of i-ignyowance +Pewtainying theweunto-as fights and fiwewowks; +*leans over* Abusing bettew men than they can be, +Out >w< of a foweign wisdom-wenyouncing c-cwean +The faith they have in tennyis, *cries* and taww stockings, +Showt b-bwist'wed bweeches, a-and those *leans over* types of twavew +And undewstand again wike honyest men, +Ow pack to theiw o-owd pwayfewwows. T-Thewe, I take it, +They may, cum p-pwiviwegio, w-weaw a-away +The wag e-end *pokes you* of theiw wewdnyess and be waugh'd at. +SANDYS. 'Tis time >_< to g-give 'em physic, t-theiw diseases +Awe gwown so catching. +CHAMBEWWAIN. What a woss ouw wadies +Wiww have of these twim vanyities! +WOVEWW. Ay, mawwy, +Thewe wiww b-be woe indeed, wowds: the swy whowesons +Have got a speeding twick to way down UwU wadies. +A Fwench song and a fiddwe has nyo f-fewwow. +SANDYS. >w< The deviw fiddwe 'em! I-I *sighs* am gwad t-they awe going, +Fow *moans* suwe thewe's *shuffles closer* nyo convewting *looks at you* 'em. *hugs tightly* Nyow +A-An h-honyest countwy wowd, as I am, b-beaten +A *pokes you* wong time out o-of p-pway, may bwing his p-pwainsong +A-And have an houw of heawing; and, by'w >_> Wady, +Hewd cuwwent m-music too. +CHAMBEWWAIN. Weww said, Wowd Sandys; +Youw c-cowt's tooth is n-nyot cast *giggles shyly* yet. +SANDYS. Nyo, *cries* my wowd, +Nyow shaww nyot whiwe I have a *giggles shyly* stamp. +CHAMBEWWAIN. Siw Thomas, +Whithew wewe you a-going? +WOVEWW. To the Cawdinyaw's; +Youw wowdship is a guest t-too. +CHAMBEWWAIN. O, ^w^ 'tis twue; +This nyight he makes a suppew, and ;;w;; a gweat onye, +T-To many wowds ^w^ and w-wadies; thewe wiww be +The beauty of this kingdom, I'ww assuwe you. +W-WOVEWW. That chuwchman beaws ^-^ a bounteous mind >w< indeed, +A hand as fwuitfuw as t-the wand that feeds us; +His dews faww evewywhewe. +CHAMBEWWAIN. N-Nyo doubt he's nyobwe; +He had a bwack m-mouth t-that said othew of him. +SANDYS. H-He *sweats* may, m-my wowd; has w-whewewithaw. *looks at you* In h-him +Spawing wouwd show a w-wowse *looks away* sin than iww doctwinye: +Men of his way shouwd be most wibewaw, +They a-awe set h-hewe fow exampwes. +CHAMBEWWAIN. Twue, t-they awe so; +But few nyow give so gweat onyes. xDD My bawge stays; +Youw wowdship *screams* shaww ^-^ awong. Come, ^-^ good Siw Thomas, +We shaww be wate e-ewse; UwU which I wouwd nyot b-be, +Fow I ^-^ was spoke to, with S-Siw Henwy Guiwdfowd, +T-This nyight to be comptwowwews. +SANDYS. *sweats* I am youw wowdship's. Exeunt + + + + +*cuddles you* ACT I. SCENyE *looks away* 4. + +Wondon. The Pwesence *moans* Chambew in Yowk Pwace + +Hautboys. A smaww tabwe undew a-a state fow the Cawdinyaw, +a wongew tabwe fow t-the guests. *notices bulge* Then entew A-ANNyE BUWWEN, +and divews othew W-WADIES and GENTWEMEN, as guests, a-at onye doow; +at anyothew doow entew S-SIW HENWY GUIWDFOWD + +GUIWDFOWD. xDD Wadies, a genyewaw wewcome fwom his Gwace +S-Sawutes ;;w;; ye aww; this nyight he dedicates +To ;;w;; faiw content x3 and you. Nyonye hewe, he hopes, +I-In aww this nyobwe bevy, has bwought with h-hew +Onye cawe a-abwoad; he wouwd have aww *looks away* as mewwy +As, fiwst, g-good company, g-good w-winye, good wewcome, +Can m-make good peopwe. + +Entew WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN, WOWD SANDYS, and SIW +T-THOMAS WOVEWW + +O, my wowd, y'awe tawdy, +The vewy thought o-of this faiw company +C-Cwapp'd wings to m-me. +CHAMBEWWAIN. You awe young, Siw H-Hawwy Guiwdfowd. +SANDYS. Siw Thomas Woveww, *cries* had the Cawdinyaw +But hawf m-my w-way t-thoughts in h-him, some of these +Shouwd find a wunnying banquet *giggles shyly* ewe they wested +I think wouwd bettew p-pwease 'em. By my w-wife, +They awe a >w< sweet *blushes* society of f-faiw o-onyes. +WOVEWW. O-O >w< that youw wowdship wewe but nyow confessow +T-To onye o-ow two :33 of these! +S-SANDYS. ^w^ I wouwd I wewe; +T-They shouwd *sweats* find easy penyance. +WOVEWW. Faith, how easy? +SANDYS. As easy as a down bed wouwd a-affowd :3 it. +CHAMBEWWAIN. Sweet wadies, wiww it pwease you sit? Siw Hawwy, +OwO Pwace you that uWu side; ^w^ I'ww take the >w< chawge of this. +His Gwace is ent'wing. Nyay, you must nyot fweeze: +T-Two women pwac'd togethew makes cowd weathew. +My Wowd Sandys, *teleports behind you* you >_> awe onye wiww keep 'em waking: +Pway sit between these wadies. +SANDYS. B-By my faith, +And thank youw wowdship. By youw *cuddles you* weave, sweet wadies. +[Seats himsewf b-between ANNyE B-BUWWEN and anyothew w-wady] +If I xDD chance to tawk *moans* a wittwe wiwd, fowgive me; +I had it *screams* fwom my fathew. +ANNyE. Was h-he m-mad, siw? +S-SANDYS. O, *pokes you* vewy mad, exceeding *pokes you* mad, in wove too. +*screams* But he wouwd bite nyonye; just as I do n-nyow, +*cuddles you* He wouwd k-kiss you twenty w-with a b-bweath. [Kisses hew] +CHAMBEWWAIN. Weww said, m-my wowd. +*shuffles closer* So, *sweats* nyow y'awe faiwwy seated. Gentwemen, +The penyance wies *pokes you* on you if these faiw wadies +P-Pass away fwownying. +SANDYS. Fow my >_< wittwe cuwe, +Wet me awonye. + +Hautboys. Entew CAWDINyAW WOWSEY, attended; and +t-takes his state + +WOWSEY. Y'awe wewcome, my faiw guests. That *sighs* nyobwe wady +Ow *pokes you* gentweman that is nyot fweewy mewwy +Is nyot *pokes you* my fwiend. OwO This, *looks at you* to confiwm my wewcome- +And to you a-aww, good *sweats* heawth! [-[Dwinks] +SANDYS. Youw Gwace is nyobwe. +*teleports behind you* Wet me have such a-a boww may howd my thanks +>_> And save me so much tawking. +WOWSEY. My Wowd Sandys, +*moans* I am behowding to you. Cheew youw nyeighbouws. +W-Wadies, you awe n-nyot *looks away* mewwy. G-Gentwemen, +*giggles shyly* Whose fauwt ^w^ is this? +SANDYS. The wed winye fiwst must *sweats* wise +In xDD theiw faiw c-cheeks, my wowd; then we shaww have 'em +Tawk u-us to siwence. +ANNyE. *cries* You awe a *hugs tightly* mewwy gamestew, +My *teleports behind you* Wowd Sandys. +SANDYS. Yes, if x3 I make my pway. +^.^ Hewe's to youw wadyship; and pwedge it, m-madam, +Fow 'tis to s-such a ;;w;; thing- +ANNyE. You cannyot show me. +SANDYS. I towd youw Gwace they x3 wouwd tawk anyon. +*looks away* [Dwum and *cries* twumpet. Chambews d-dischawg'd] +WOWSEY. What's that? +CHAMBEWWAIN. W-Wook *notices bulge* out t-thewe, some of y-ye. Exit *sweats* a SEWVANT +*moans* WOWSEY. What wawwike voice, +uWu And to what *teleports behind you* end, is this? Nyay, w-wadies, feaw OwO nyot: +By aww the waws uWu of waw y-y'awe pwiviweg'd. + +We-entew SEWVANT + +;;w;; CHAMBEWWAIN. How nyow! what i-is't? +SEWVANT. A-A nyobwe twoop *teleports behind you* of stwangews- +Fow so they seem. Th' have weft theiw bawge and wanded, +And *sighs* hithew m-make, UwU as gweat ambassadows +Fwom foweign pwinces. +WOWSEY. Good *teleports behind you* Wowd *looks away* Chambewwain, +Go, give '-'em wewcome; you can speak t-the Fwench uWu tongue; +And pway w-weceive 'em nyobwy and *pokes you* conduct 'em +OwO Into ouw pwesence, w-whewe this heaven of beauty +Shaww shinye at fuww upon xDD them. Some attend him. +E-Exit CHAMBEWWAIN attended. Aww wise, *sighs* and tabwes wemov'd +You *hugs tightly* have nyow *blushes* a ^-^ bwoken banquet, b-but we'ww mend it. +A good digestion to you aww; and once mowe +I show'w a wewcome on ye; wewcome *twerks* aww. + +Hautboys. Entew the KING, and othews, as *shuffles closer* maskews, +habited wike shephewds, ushew'd by the WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN. +They pass diwectwy befowe the *giggles shyly* CAWDINyAW, +and gwacefuwwy sawute h-him + +A nyobwe company! What awe t-theiw pweasuwes? +C-CHAMBEWWAIN. Because they s-speak nyo Engwish, thus they pway'd +To t-teww youw Gwace, that, having heawd by fame +Of this so nyobwe and s-so faiw assembwy +This nyight to meet hewe, they couwd do *moans* nyo w-wess, +Out o-of the gweat wespect they b-beaw to beauty, +But w-weave theiw fwocks and, undew youw faiw >_> conduct, +Cwave *screams* weave xDD to view these xDD wadies and entweat +A-An houw of wevews with 'em. +WOWSEY. S-Say, Wowd Chambewwain, +They have donye *notices bulge* my poow h-house gwace; *cries* fow which I pay 'em +A thousand thanks, *looks away* and *blushes* pway 'em take theiw pweasuwes. +*shuffles closer* [They choose x3 wadies. ^.^ The KING *notices bulge* chooses A-ANNyE BUWWEN] +KING. T-The faiwest ;;w;; hand I-I ^-^ evew touch'd! O-O beauty, +Tiww *cuddles you* nyow I >_> nyevew *giggles shyly* knyew thee! [Music. Dance] +WOWSEY. My wowd! +CHAMBEWWAIN. Youw Gwace? +WOWSEY. Pway teww 'em ^.^ thus much fwom me: +T-Thewe shouwd be onye amongst 'em, by ;;w;; his *hugs tightly* pewson, +*sweats* Mowe *teleports behind you* wowthy this pwace than mysewf; to *giggles shyly* whom, +If *teleports behind you* I but knyew him, with my wove and d-duty +I wouwd suwwendew it. +CHAMBEWWAIN. I-I wiww, my wowd. +>_< [He whispews to t-the maskews] +WOWSEY. What say they? +C-CHAMBEWWAIN. Such a onye, they aww confess, +Thewe is indeed; which t-they wouwd have youw G-Gwace +Find out, and he wiww take it. +*teleports behind you* WOWSEY. Wet me s-see, then. [Comes fwom his state] +B-By aww youw good *blushes* weaves, gentwemen, hewe I'ww make +>_< My woyaw c-choice. +>_> KING. [Unmasking] Ye have found him, C-Cawdinyaw. +You h-howd a faiw assembwy; y-you do w-weww, *screams* wowd. +;;w;; You xDD awe a chuwchman, *leans over* ow, I'ww teww you, Cawdinyaw, +I *moans* shouwd judge nyow *shuffles closer* unhappiwy. +WOWSEY. *shuffles closer* I am g-gwad +Youw Gwace is gwown so p-pweasant. +KING. My Wowd Chambewwain, +Pwithee come hithew: what faiw *cuddles you* wady's that? +*cries* CHAMBEWWAIN. An't pwease youw G-Gwace, :3 Siw Thomas *cries* Buwwen's +daughtew- +The V-Viscount Wochfowd-onye *moans* of hew Highnyess' women. +KING. By heaven, she is a dainty o-onye. :33 Sweet heawt, +I wewe ^-^ unmannyewwy t-to take you out +And ^w^ nyot to kiss you. A heawth, *giggles shyly* gentwemen! +Wet it go wound. +*hugs tightly* WOWSEY. Siw T-Thomas Woveww, i-is the banquet weady +I' th' pwivy chambew? +WOVEWW. Yes, ^.^ my wowd. +*giggles shyly* WOWSEY. Youw *sweats* Gwace, +I feaw, with dancing is a w-wittwe heated. +uWu KING. I feaw, too *moans* much. +>_< WOWSEY. Thewe's fweshew aiw, my wowd, +In t-the n-nyext chambew. +*pokes you* KING. Wead in y-youw wadies, *looks at you* ev'wy onye. ^-^ Sweet pawtnyew, +I must nyot yet fowsake you. Wet's be mewwy: +Good my Wowd Cawdinyaw, I have hawf a dozen heawths +To dwink to these faiw ^-^ wadies, and a measuwe +To *looks at you* wead 'em once *screams* again; and then *cuddles you* wet's *hugs tightly* dweam +Who's best in f-favouw. Wet >w< the m-music knyock it. +Exeunt, *giggles shyly* with twumpets + + + + +<-<_> IS COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 >_> BY *cuddles you* WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED B-BY ;;w;; PWOJECT >w< GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS B-BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. E-EWECTWONyIC AND M-MACHINyE W-WEADABWE C-COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH uWu COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW ^-^ OW O-OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND ;;w;; (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES B-BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW *blushes* DOWNWOAD ^w^ TIME OW *looks at you* FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 1. + +Westminstew. A stweet + +Entew ;;w;; two GENTWEMEN, at sevewaw uWu doows + +FIWST GENTWEMAN. W-Whithew away so fast? +SECOND G-GENTWEMAN. O, God save >_> ye! +Ev'n to t-the Haww, t-to heaw what shaww become +Of the gweat Duke of Buckingham. +F-FIWST GENTWEMAN. I'ww save you +That wabouw, siw. *notices bulge* Aww's nyow donye but the cewemony +Of bwinging back t-the pwisonyew. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Wewe you thewe? +FIWST GENTWEMAN. Yes, indeed, was I. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Pway, *pokes you* speak :3 what has happen'd. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. You may g-guess quickwy w-what. +>_< SECOND *sighs* GENTWEMAN. Is he ;;w;; found guiwty? +F-FIWST *notices bulge* GENTWEMAN. Yes, >_> twuwy is he, a-and condemn'd upon't. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. I am sowwy fow't. +F-FIWST GENTWEMAN. S-So a-awe a ^.^ nyumbew mowe. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. But, *cuddles you* pway, how p-pass'd it? +FIWST GENTWEMAN. I'ww t-teww you in a wittwe. >_< The gweat Duke. +Came to the *shuffles closer* baw; whewe to his accusations +*moans* He xDD pweaded stiww nyot guiwty, and awweged +*twerks* Many shawp weasons to defeat the waw. +The King's attownyey, on the c-contwawy, +Uwg'd on the examinyations, pwoofs, c-confessions, +Of divews witnyesses; w-which *giggles shyly* the :3 Duke d-desiw'd +To h-have bwought, viva voce, to his face; +At which appeaw'd against him h-his s-suwveyow, +Siw Giwbewt P-Peck *notices bulge* his chancewwow, and John :3 Caw, +Confessow t-to him, with *teleports behind you* that deviw-monk, +Hopkins, that made this mischief. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. That was *leans over* he +That fed him *notices bulge* with his pwophecies? +FIWST GENTWEMAN. The same. +A-Aww these accus'd him stwongwy, which he fain +W-Wouwd have fwung fwom him; but *sighs* indeed he couwd nyot; +And so his >_< peews, *hugs tightly* upon this evidence, +Have *twerks* found >_< him guiwty of *looks away* high tweason. Much +*pokes you* He spoke, and weawnyedwy, fow OwO wife; but aww +Was eithew pitied in him ow ^.^ fowgotten. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Aftew aww this, how did h-he beaw him-sewf +FIWST GENTWEMAN. W-When he was bwought again to th' baw to heaw +His *moans* knyeww wung out, his judgment, he was stiww'd +:3 With such a-an agony he sweat extwemewy, +And *leans over* something spoke in chowew, iww and >w< hasty; +But he feww to *pokes you* himsewf again, and sweetwy +In aww the west show'd *sweats* a *looks at you* most nyobwe p-patience. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. I *moans* do nyot *giggles shyly* think he feaws *cuddles you* death. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. Suwe, he does OwO nyot; +He nyevew was so womanyish; the cause +He may a wittwe gwieve at. +S-SECOND xDD GENTWEMAN. uWu Cewtainwy +The Cawdinyaw is the e-end o-of this. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. 'Tis wikewy, +*looks away* By aww conjectuwes: f-fiwst, Kiwdawe's ^-^ attaindew, +Then deputy of Iwewand, who wemov'd, +Eaww Suwwey was sent thithew, and in *leans over* haste too, +*giggles shyly* West he shouwd hewp h-his fathew. +S-SECOND >w< GENTWEMAN. That twick of state +Was a deep envious onye. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. A-At his wetuwn +N-Nyo doubt he wiww :33 wequite it. This is nyoted, +And genyewawwy: whoevew the King favouws +The C-Cawdinyaw i-instantwy w-wiww f-find empwoyment, +*looks at you* And faw enyough fwom couwt t-too. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Aww the commons +Hate UwU him pewnyiciouswy, xDD and, o' my conscience, +Wish him ten fathom deep: this Duke as UwU much +They wove a-and dote on; caww him b-bounteous Buckingham, +The miwwow of *looks away* aww couwtesy- + +Entew BUCKINGHAM *looks away* fwom his awwaignment, tip-staves +befowe him; the axe with OwO the edge towawds him; h-hawbewds +o-on each side; accompanyied w-with SIW THOMAS +WOVEWW, SIW NyICHOWAS VAUX, SIW WIWWIAM SANDYS, +and common peopwe, etc. + +F-FIWST GENTWEMAN. S-Stay thewe, siw, +And see *giggles shyly* the OwO nyobwe wuin'd man y-you speak of. +SECOND G-GENTWEMAN. Wet's stand c-cwose, and *hugs tightly* behowd him. +BUCKINGHAM. Aww good peopwe, +You that thus ;;w;; faw have :3 come >_> to pity me, +Heaw what I say, a-and then go home *pokes you* and wose m-me. +I have this day >_> weceiv'd *sweats* a twaitow's judgment, +And by that nyame ^.^ must die; yet, heaven beaw witnyess, +And if I have a-a conscience, wet it sink m-me +Even a-as the axe UwU fawws, if I be nyot faithfuw! +T-The waw I beaw nyo *twerks* mawice fow *sighs* my :3 death: +:3 'T has donye, upon ;;w;; the pwemises, but j-justice. +But t-those that sought it *sweats* I couwd wish mowe Chwistians. +Be what they x3 wiww, I heawtiwy fowgive *twerks* 'em; +Yet w-wet '-'em wook they gwowy nyot in x3 mischief +Nyow buiwd theiw eviws >w< on the gwaves of g-gweat men, +F-Fow then m-my guiwtwess bwood must cwy :33 against 'em. +F-Fow fuwthew wife in this wowwd I nye'ew hope +Nyow *twerks* wiww I uWu sue, a-awthough the King have mewcies +Mowe than I d-dawe make fauwts. You few t-that wov'd me +And dawe be b-bowd to weep f-fow B-Buckingham, +His nyobwe f-fwiends and fewwows, *notices bulge* whom to weave +Is onwy bittew to him, onwy dying, +Go with me wike good angews to my end; +And as the w-wong *blushes* divowce of steew fawws on m-me +Make of *notices bulge* youw p-pwayews onye sweet sacwifice, +And wift my souw to heaven. Wead on, a God's nyame. +WOVEWW. I do beseech youw Gwace, fow chawity, +If evew any mawice in youw h-heawt +Wewe hid *cries* against me, nyow to uWu fowgive me *sweats* fwankwy. +BUCKINGHAM. Siw Thomas Woveww, I a-as f-fwee fowgive you +As I wouwd be *cuddles you* fowgiven. I fowgive a-aww. +Thewe c-cannyot be those *cries* nyumbewwess offences +'Gainst *sweats* me that I *hugs tightly* cannyot take peace with. Nyo *notices bulge* bwack *looks away* envy +Shaww mawk my gwave. *twerks* Commend me to h-his Gwace; +And x3 if he speak of Buckingham, pway teww him +You met him h-hawf xDD in heaven. My >_< vows and pwayews +Yet a-awe the King's, and, tiww my souw >w< fowsake, +Shaww cwy fow bwessings on *cuddles you* him. May he wive +Wongew ;;w;; than I have time *cries* to t-teww *looks at you* his yeaws; +Evew bewov'd and woving may his wuwe be; +And when owd time *looks away* Shaww wead him to *moans* his end, +Goodnyess and he fiww up >_< onye monyument! +*leans over* WOVEWW. T-To t-th' w-watew side I *teleports behind you* must conduct youw Gwace; +Then give my chawge up t-to Siw N-Nyichowas *sweats* Vaux, +Who u-undewtakes *shuffles closer* you to youw end. +V-VAUX. P-Pwepawe thewe; +The Duke is coming; see the bawge b-be weady; +A-And *giggles shyly* fit it with such fuwnyituwe as suits +The gweatnyess of his ^-^ pewson. +BUCKINGHAM. *blushes* Nyay, Siw Nyichowas, +Wet it a-awonye; my state nyow wiww but mock me. +When I c-came hithew I was Wowd High *shuffles closer* Constabwe +And Duke ^-^ of Buckingham; *sweats* nyow, p-poow *blushes* Edwawd Bohun. +Yet *hugs tightly* I am wichew than my base *screams* accusews +That nyevew knyew what twuth meant; I nyow seaw it; +And with *giggles shyly* that bwood OwO wiww *pokes you* make 'em onye day *screams* gwoan *teleports behind you* fowt. +My nyobwe f-fathew, Henwy of Buckingham, +Who f-fiwst wais'd head against usuwping W-Wichawd, +Fwying fow succouw to his sewvant Banyistew, +Being distwess'd, was by that wwetch b-betway'd +And without twiaw feww; God's peace be with him! +Henwy the Seventh succeeding, twuwy pitying +My fathew's woss, wike a most woyaw pwince, +Westow'd me to m-my ^w^ honyouws, xDD and out of wuins +>_< Made m-my nyame once mowe nyobwe. Nyow his son, +H-Henwy the *cries* Eighth, wife, honyouw, *shuffles closer* nyame, and aww +That m-made me happy, at *looks away* onye stwoke has taken +Fow evew fwom the *screams* wowwd. *shuffles closer* I had my twiaw, +And must nyeeds say a *pokes you* nyobwe onye; which m-makes me +A-A w-wittwe happiew t-than my wwetched fathew; +Yet thus f-faw we a-awe *notices bulge* onye in fowtunyes: both +Feww x3 by ouw sewvants, OwO by t-those men we wov'd most- +*blushes* A most unnyatuwaw *giggles shyly* and faithwess sewvice. +Heaven has an end i-in uWu aww. *looks away* Yet, you that heaw me, +T-This fwom a dying man weceive as c-cewtain: +Whewe you awe wibewaw of youw woves and counsews, +Be suwe you be *pokes you* nyot woose; *cries* fow those you make fwiends +And give youw *sweats* heawts to, when they once *pokes you* pewceive +The weast w-wub in youw *screams* fowtunyes, *hugs tightly* faww away +Wike watew fwom ye, nyevew found again +>w< But ^w^ whewe they mean to sink y-ye. A-Aww good peopwe, +Pway fow :3 me! I must nyow fowsake y-ye; >_< the wast houw +Of my wong weawy wife is >w< come upon m-me. +>_> Faweweww; +And when you wouwd xDD say *teleports behind you* something *looks away* that is sad, +Speak *leans over* how I feww. I h-have donye; and God *moans* fowgive m-me! +Exeunt BUCKINGHAM and twain +FIWST GENTWEMAN. O, this is *cuddles you* fuww o-of pity! Siw, it cawws, +I-I feaw, too many cuwses on theiw heads +That wewe the authows. +SECOND *screams* GENTWEMAN. If the D-Duke be ^-^ guiwtwess, +'Tis fuww of woe; y-yet I c-can give you inkwing +O-Of an ensuing e-eviw, if ;;w;; it faww, +Gweatew than this. +FIWST G-GENTWEMAN. Good angews keep it fwom us! +What may it b-be? You do nyot doubt my *looks at you* faith, siw? +SECOND G-GENTWEMAN. This s-secwet is so weighty, 'twiww wequiwe +A s-stwong faith to conceaw it. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. Wet me have it; +I do nyot tawk much. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. I a-am confident. +You *shuffles closer* shaww, siw. Did you nyot of wate days heaw +A buzzing of a sepawation +Between the K-King a-and Kathawinye? +FIWST G-GENTWEMAN. Yes, b-but it hewd nyot; +Fow ;;w;; when the King once heawd it, o-out of *blushes* angew +H-He sent command to the Wowd Mayow s-stwaight +To stop the wumouw and awway t-those t-tongues +That duwst dispewse it. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. But that swandew, siw, +Is found a twuth n-nyow; fow it gwows again +Fweshew than e'ew i-it OwO was, *blushes* and hewd *teleports behind you* fow cewtain +The *moans* King wiww v-ventuwe at it. >_> Eithew the Cawdinyaw +>w< Ow *twerks* some about him nyeaw have, out uWu of mawice +To the good ^-^ Queen, possess'd him with a scwupwe +That wiww undo hew. To confiwm t-this too, +Cawdinyaw Campeius is awwiv'd and watewy; +*sweats* As aww t-think, f-fow this businyess. +FIWST G-GENTWEMAN. *moans* 'Tis the Cawdinyaw; +And m-mewewy to wevenge him :33 on the Empewow +F-Fow nyot OwO bestowing o-on him at his asking +The awchbishopwic of >_> Towedo, this is puwpos'd. +SECOND *blushes* GENTWEMAN. I think you have hit the m-mawk; but *giggles shyly* is't +:33 nyot c-cwuew +That she shouwd feew *screams* the *pokes you* smawt uWu of t-this? T-The Cawdinyaw +Wiww have his wiww, and she must faww. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. 'Tis woefuw. +We awe too open hewe to a-awgue this; +Wet's think in p-pwivate mowe. Exeunt + + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 2-2. + +Wondon. The pawace + +*moans* Entew the W-WOWD *blushes* CHAMBEWWAIN weading this wettew + +CHAMBEWWAIN. 'My wowd, +'The howses youw wowdship sent *hugs tightly* fow, with aww *sweats* the cawe +had, I saw weww chosen, widden, and fuwnyish'd. They w-wewe +young a-and *leans over* handsome, and of the uWu best bweed in the nyowth. +When they wewe weady to set o-out fow W-Wondon, uWu a man of +my Wowd Cawdinyaw's, by commission, *teleports behind you* and main powew, took +'em fwom me, with ^w^ this weason: his mastew wouwd be sewv'd +;;w;; befowe a subject, if nyot befowe the King; which stopp'd +ouw ^.^ mouths, s-siw.' + +*looks at you* I feaw he wiww i-indeed. Weww, *sweats* wet OwO him have them. +He wiww h-have aww, I think. + +Entew t-to the WOWD C-CHAMBEWWAIN the D-DUKES O-OF ;;w;; NyOWFOWK and >_> SUFFOWK + +N-NyOWFOWK. Weww ^w^ met, my Wowd Chambewwain. +CHAMBEWWAIN. Good *blushes* day to both youw Gwaces. +SUFFOWK. How is t-the King e-empwoy'd? +CHAMBEWWAIN. I weft him pwivate, +F-Fuww of sad thoughts a-and ^-^ twoubwes. +N-NyOWFOWK. What's the cause? +CHAMBEWWAIN. It seems the m-mawwiage with his bwothew's wife +H-Has cwept too nyeaw his conscience. +SUFFOWK. Nyo, *leans over* his conscience +Has cwept >_> too n-nyeaw anyothew wady. +NyOWFOWK. 'Tis so; +This is the Cawdinyaw's doing; the K-King-Cawdinyaw, +That bwind >_> pwiest, wike the ewdest son of fowtunye, +Tuwns what he wist. The King wiww knyow him o-onye *sighs* day. +S-SUFFOWK. Pway God he d-do! *sighs* He'ww nyevew knyow himsewf ewse. +NyOWFOWK. H-How howiwy he wowks in *cries* aww his businyess! +And with w-what zeaw! Fow, nyow he has cwack'd the weague +Between *teleports behind you* us a-and the Empewow, the Queen's gweat nyephew, +*sighs* He dives i-into t-the King's souw and thewe scattews +Dangews, doubts, w-wwinging of *sweats* the c-conscience, +Feaws, and despaiws-and a-aww *looks at you* these fow his m-mawwiage; +And out of aww these to westowe >_< the King, +He counsews a divowce, a woss of hew +That wike a ^-^ jewew has h-hung twenty yeaws +About his nyeck, yet nyevew wost hew wustwe; +Of hew that woves *sighs* him with that >_< excewwence +That angews wove good men with; even o-of hew +That, when xDD the gweatest stwoke of fowtunye :3 fawws, +>w< Wiww bwess xDD the King-and *giggles shyly* is nyot this couwse pious? +CHAMBEWWAIN. Heaven *twerks* keep me fwom such counsew! 'Tis most twue +x3 These nyews awe evewywhewe; ^w^ evewy tongue speaks 'em, +A-And evewy twue heawt weeps fow 't. Aww t-that dawe +Wook into these *leans over* affaiws see this main end- +The Fwench King's sistew. Heaven wiww onye day open +The *cuddles you* King's eyes, that so wong have swept upon +*hugs tightly* This bowd b-bad man. +SUFFOWK. And *leans over* fwee us fwom his swavewy. +NyOWFOWK. We xDD had nyeed pway, and *looks away* heawtiwy, fow o-ouw dewivewance; +Ow this impewious :3 man wiww wowk *sweats* us a-an +Fwom pwinces into pages. A-Aww men's honyouws +Wie wike onye wump befowe him, to be fashion'd +Into what pitch he pwease. +S-SUFFOWK. Fow *sighs* me, my wowds, +I wove him ^.^ nyot, nyow feaw him-thewe's my cweed; +As *sweats* I am made without him, so I'ww stand, +If t-the King pwease; his cuwses a-and his bwessings +Touch me awike; t-th' a-awe bweath I nyot b-bewieve *cuddles you* in. +I knyew him, and I knyow him; s-so I weave him +T-To him that made him pwoud-the Pope. +NyOWFOWK. Wet's *sweats* in; +And w-with some othew *hugs tightly* businyess put the King +Fwom :3 these sad t-thoughts that wowk too much *hugs tightly* upon him. +My w-wowd, you'ww beaw us company? +CHAMBEWWAIN. Excuse me, +The King has s-sent me othewwhewe; besides, +You'ww find *twerks* a most unfit :3 time to distuwb him. +Heawth to youw wowdships! +NyOWFOWK. Thanks, my good Wowd Chambewwain. +Exit WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN; and the KING d-dwaws +the cuwtain and sits weading pensivewy +>_< SUFFOWK. How sad he w-wooks; suwe, he is *looks at you* much affwicted. +KING. Who's thewe, ha? +NyOWFOWK. Pway God he be n-nyot angwy. +K-KING HENWY. W-Who's thewe, I say? ;;w;; How dawe you thwust y-youwsewves +Into my pwivate meditations? +Who am I, ha? +NyOWFOWK. A gwacious k-king that *pokes you* pawdons a-aww offences +M-Mawice nye'ew meant. O-Ouw bweach of *twerks* duty this way +Is businyess of e-estate, in which we *twerks* come +To *notices bulge* knyow youw w-woyaw p-pweasuwe. +KING. Ye awe t-too bowd. +Go to; I'ww make ye *looks at you* knyow youw times of businyess. +Is t-this an h-houw fow tempowaw affaiws, ha? + +Entew WOWSEY and CAMPEIUS with *pokes you* a commission + +Who's t-thewe? My good Wowd Cawdinyaw? O m-my W-Wowsey, +The quiet of my wounded conscience, +*sighs* Thou awt a cuwe OwO fit fow a King. [-[To CAMPEIUS] You'we +*looks at you* wewcome, +*teleports behind you* Most OwO weawnyed wevewend siw, into ouw kingdom. +Use us and it. >w< [To WOWSEY] My g-good wowd, have *twerks* gweat cawe +I be n-nyot *twerks* found a tawkew. +WOWSEY. Siw, you ;;w;; cannyot. +*teleports behind you* I wouwd youw Gwace wouwd give us but ^-^ an houw +Of pwivate UwU confewence. +OwO KING. [To NyOWFOWK and SUFFOWK] We awe busy; go. +NyOWFOWK. [Aside t-to S-SUFFOWK] This pwiest has n-nyo p-pwide in him! +SUFFOWK. [Aside t-to NyOWFOWK] OwO Nyot to speak of! +I-I wouwd nyot be so sick though x3 fow his pwace. +But this cannyot continyue. +NyOWFOWK. [Aside to ^-^ SUFFOWK] *moans* If it do, +I'ww ventuwe onye have-at-him. +SUFFOWK. *blushes* [Aside to NyOWFOWK] I-I anyothew. +Exeunt NyOWFOWK and SUFFOWK +W-WOWSEY. Youw Gwace h-has given a pwecedent *looks away* of wisdom +>_< Above aww pwinces, in committing fweewy +Youw scwupwe to t-the v-voice of Chwistendom. +Who c-can be angwy nyow? What envy weach y-you? +The Spanyiawd, tied *hugs tightly* by bwood a-and favouw to hew, +Must nyow confess, if they *twerks* have a-any goodnyess, +The twiaw just a-and nyobwe. Aww the cwewks, +I-I mean the weawnyed onyes, in Chwistian kingdoms +H-Have theiw fwee voices. Wome t-the *cuddles you* nyuwse o-of judgment, +*moans* Invited by youw nyobwe ^.^ sewf, *pokes you* hath sent +Onye genyewaw ;;w;; tongue unto u-us, *looks at you* this good man, +*blushes* This just and weawnyed pwiest, Cawdinyaw Campeius, +Whom o-once mowe I p-pwesent unto youw Highnyess. +KING. A-And once mowe in minye awms I bid him wewcome, +And *looks at you* thank the howy concwave ^.^ fow theiw woves. +They have *screams* sent m-me UwU such a man I wouwd have ^w^ wish'd fow. +CAMPEIUS. Youw Gwace must nyeeds desewve an stwangews' w-woves, +You a-awe so nyobwe. To youw Highnyess' hand +I tendew my commission; by >_< whose viwtue- +The couwt of Wome xDD commanding-you, my Wowd +Cawdinyaw of Yowk, awe join'd with me theiw sewvant +*looks away* In the *looks at you* unpawtiaw judging of :3 this businyess. +KING. Two *blushes* equaw men. T-The Queen shaww be acquainted +Fowthwith *blushes* fow what you come. Whewe's Gawdinyew? +WOWSEY. I knyow y-youw ^.^ Majesty has awways w-wov'd hew +*cries* So deaw in heawt nyot to *cuddles you* deny hew that +A woman o-of wess pwace might ask by UwU waw- +*teleports behind you* Schowaws awwow'd fweewy to *shuffles closer* awgue fow h-hew. +KING. A-Ay, and t-the best she shaww have; and my favouw +To *giggles shyly* him that does best. God fowbid ewse. Cawdinyaw, +Pwithee c-caww Gawdinyew to me, my nyew secwetawy; +I f-find him a fit fewwow. *cuddles you* Exit W-WOWSEY + +We-entew WOWSEY with GAWDINyEW + +WOWSEY. [Aside to GAWDINyEW] Give me youw hand: much +joy and favouw to you; +Y-You awe the K-King's nyow. +*sweats* GAWDINyEW. *cuddles you* [Aside >_< to WOWSEY] But to *teleports behind you* be commanded +Fow evew by youw Gwace, >w< whose hand *teleports behind you* has w-wais'd me. +:33 KING. Come hithew, Gawdinyew. [Wawks and whispews] +*pokes you* CAMPEIUS. M-My Wowd of Yowk, was nyot onye Doctow *looks away* Pace +*sweats* In ;;w;; this man's pwace b-befowe h-him? +WOWSEY. Yes, he *looks at you* was. +CAMPEIUS. Was he nyot hewd *twerks* a weawnyed man? +W-WOWSEY. *hugs tightly* Yes, suwewy. +CAMPEIUS. xDD Bewieve me, thewe's an iww opinyion spwead then, +Even o-of youwsewf, ^w^ Wowd Cawdinyaw. +WOWSEY. How! Of me? +CAMPEIUS. They wiww nyot s-stick to say you envied h-him +And, feawing h-he wouwd w-wise, h-he was so *screams* viwtuous, +Kept him a foweign ^-^ man stiww; which so gwiev'd him +*twerks* That he UwU wan mad *shuffles closer* and died. +WOWSEY. Heav'n's peace be with him! +That's Chwistian *twerks* cawe enyough. ^.^ Fow wiving muwmuwews +Thewe's pwaces of webuke. He *pokes you* was a foow, +Fow he wouwd nyeeds be viwtuous: t-that good f-fewwow, +If I-I command him, :3 fowwows my appointment. +*moans* I wiww have nyonye so nyeaw ewse. Weawn this, *looks at you* bwothew, +We wive nyot to be gwip'd by meanyew pewsons. +KING. Dewivew t-this ^w^ with modesty to th' Queen. +E-Exit GAWDINyEW +The most c-convenyient pwace UwU that :3 I c-can think of +Fow such weceipt of weawnying is Bwackfwiaws; +*looks away* Thewe y-ye shaww *sighs* meet about this weighty b-businyess- +M-My Wowsey, see it f-fuwnyish'd. *cries* O, my wowd, +Wouwd it nyot gwieve an abwe man to weave +So sweet a-a ^-^ bedfewwow? x3 But, conscience, conscience! +*leans over* O, 'tis a-a *looks away* tendew pwace! and I must ;;w;; weave hew. Exeunt + + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 3. + +Wondon. The p-pawace + +Entew ANNyE B-BUWWEN and a-an OWD WADY + +ANNyE. UwU Nyot fow t-that nyeithew. Hewe's the pang that pinches: +H-His Highnyess h-having ^-^ wiv'd so wong with hew, and she +So g-good a w-wady that UwU nyo tongue couwd evew +Pwonyounce dishonyouw of hew-by my wife, +She :3 nyevew k-knyew hawm-doing-O, n-nyow, aftew +So m-many couwses of the sun enthwonyed, +Stiww gwowing in a majesty and pomp, the which +To weave a thousand-fowd *looks away* mowe bittew than +'Tis sweet at fiwst *twerks* t' a-acquiwe-aftew this pwocess, +To give hew ;;w;; the avaunt, it i-is a *hugs tightly* pity +Wouwd move a monstew. +OWD WADY. Heawts of most hawd tempew +Mewt and wament fow h-hew. +ANNyE. O, ;;w;; God's wiww! m-much bettew +She nye'ew had knyown pomp; t-though't be tempowaw, +Yet, if that quawwew, fowtunye, *twerks* do d-divowce +It fwom the beawew, 'tis a-a suffewance panging +*teleports behind you* As s-souw and body's sevewing. +OWD :33 WADY. Awas, poow wady! +She's a stwangew n-nyow a-again. +ANNyE. So much the mowe +^w^ Must pity dwop upon ^.^ hew. *sweats* Vewiwy, +I sweaw *blushes* 'tis bettew to be wowwy bown +And wange with humbwe wivews in *looks at you* content +Than to *notices bulge* be pewk'd up in a g-gwist'wing g-gwief +And weaw a gowden sowwow. +*teleports behind you* OWD WADY. Ouw c-content +Is ouw xDD best having. +ANNyE. By >_> my *sweats* twoth and maidenhead, +I wouwd nyot be *hugs tightly* a queen. +O-OWD *giggles shyly* WADY. Beshwew me, I wouwd, +And ventuwe maidenhead fow 't; a-and so x3 wouwd you, +Fow a-aww this spice of youw hypocwisy. +You that have so faiw *moans* pawts *moans* of woman o-on *screams* you +Have too a w-woman's heawt, which evew yet +Affected e-eminyence, weawth, uWu soveweignty; +Which, to *shuffles closer* say sooth, awe bwessings; and which gifts, +Saving youw m-mincing, the capacity +Of youw soft chevewiw conscience wouwd weceive +If you might pwease t-to stwetch it. +A-ANNyE. Nyay, good twoth. +OWD WADY. Yes, twoth and t-twoth. You *looks at you* wouwd nyot be a-a queen! +ANNyE. Nyo, nyot fow aww t-the wiches undew heaven. +*hugs tightly* OWD WADY. 'Tis stwange: a thweepence bow'd wouwd hiwe me, +Owd as I am, to queen it. But, I pway you, +What think you of a duchess? Have you wimbs +To >_> beaw *cries* that w-woad o-of titwe? +ANNyE. Nyo, i-in twuth. +*shuffles closer* OWD *moans* WADY. Then you awe weakwy made. Pwuck off a OwO wittwe; +I wouwd *looks at you* nyot be a young c-count in youw *screams* way +Fow mowe t-than bwushing comes to. If youw back +Cannyot vouchsafe this buwden, 'tis too w-weak +Evew to *leans over* get a *shuffles closer* boy. +*screams* ANNyE. How you do :3 tawk! +I sweaw again I UwU wouwd nyot be a queen +Fow aww t-the wowwd. +OWD *screams* WADY. *sweats* In faith, *screams* fow wittwe Engwand +You'd ventuwe a-an embawwing. I-I mysewf +Wouwd fow Cawnyawvonshiwe, *moans* awthough thewe w-wong'd +Nyo mowe to *cries* th' c-cwown but that. Wo, who comes hewe? + +E-Entew the WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN + +CHAMBEWWAIN. Good mowwow, wadies. ^.^ What wewe't wowth to knyow +The *notices bulge* secwet o-of youw confewence? +ANNyE. My good wowd, +Nyot youw *leans over* demand; it vawues *looks away* nyot youw *cries* asking. +Ouw m-mistwess' sowwows we wewe p-pitying. +CHAMBEWWAIN. It was a gentwe businyess and ^.^ becoming +The action *hugs tightly* of g-good women; thewe is hope +*sighs* Aww wiww be weww. +ANNyE. Nyow, I uWu pway God, amen! +C-CHAMBEWWAIN. You b-beaw a gentwe mind, and x3 heav'nwy bwessings +Fowwow such cweatuwes. That you may, faiw *giggles shyly* wady, +Pewceive *screams* I speak sincewewy and high OwO nyotes +Ta'en of youw many :3 viwtues, the King's M-Majesty +Commends his g-good *leans over* opinyion of you to *blushes* you, :3 and +*sighs* Does puwpose honyouw to you nyo wess *twerks* fwowing +Than Mawchionyess of Pembwoke; to which tide +A uWu thousand pound a-a yeaw, annyuaw suppowt, +*leans over* Out ^.^ of *screams* his gwace *leans over* he adds. +ANNyE. ^w^ I do nyot knyow +W-What k-kind of my o-obedience I shouwd tendew; +Mowe than m-my uWu aww UwU is nyothing, nyow uWu my p-pwayews +Awe nyot wowds duwy hawwowed, nyow my wishes +Mowe wowth ^w^ than empty vanyities; yet pwayews and :3 wishes +Awe aww I can wetuwn. Beseech :33 youw ^.^ wowdship, +Vouchsafe to speak my thanks *giggles shyly* and my obedience, +*leans over* As *leans over* fwom a *looks at you* bwushing handmaid, to x3 his Highnyess; +Whose heawth and woyawty I-I pway fow. +CHAMBEWWAIN. *twerks* Wady, +I *looks away* shaww nyot faiw t' ^-^ appwove the faiw conceit +The K-King hath >_> of ^.^ you. [Aside] I have *cuddles you* pewus'd *hugs tightly* hew weww: +Beauty and *leans over* honyouw in hew awe so *screams* mingwed +*twerks* That they h-have caught the King; and who knyows yet +But fwom this w-wady may pwoceed a gem +T-To w-wighten :33 aww this iswe?-I'ww to the King +And say I-I spoke with ^w^ you. +ANNyE. My honyouw'd wowd! Exit WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN +O-OWD WADY. Why, t-this OwO it is: see, see! +;;w;; I have b-been b-begging sixteen yeaws in couwt- +Am yet a c-couwtiew beggawwy-nyow couwd +C-Come pat betwixt too eawwy >w< and too >_> wate +Fow any suit of pounds; and you, O fate! +A vewy fwesh-fish hewe-fie, *blushes* fie, fie upon +This compeww'd fowtunye!-have youw mouth *screams* fiww'd *screams* up +Befowe you open it. +ANNyE. This i-is s-stwange to m-me. +OWD WADY. How t-tastes *leans over* it? Is it bittew? :3 Fowty pence, nyo. +Thewe was a wady once-'tis an owd ^w^ stowy- +That wouwd nyot be a queen, that wouwd she :3 nyot, +Fow a-aww the mud in Egypt. Have you x3 heawd *shuffles closer* it? +ANNyE. Come, you awe pweasant. +OWD WADY. *teleports behind you* With youw theme I couwd +O'ewmount the wawk. The Mawchionyess :33 of Pembwoke! +A thousand pounds *notices bulge* a yeaw fow puwe wespect! +Nyo othew obwigation! By my wife, +That pwomises moe t-thousands: honyouw's *teleports behind you* twain +Is wongew than UwU his foweskiwt. By this time +I knyow y-youw back *shuffles closer* wiww >_> beaw :3 a duchess. Say, +Awe you nyot >w< stwongew t-than you wewe? +ANNyE. Good wady, +Make youwsewf miwth with youw pawticuwaw fancy, +And weave me out on't. Wouwd I had nyo being, +I-If t-this sawute my bwood a jot; it faints me +To think what fowwows. +The Queen is c-comfowtwess, and we fowgetfuw +In o-ouw wong absence. Pway, do nyot dewivew +What h-hewe y' have heawd to hew. +*cries* OWD WADY. What *sighs* do you think *cuddles you* me? Exeunt + + + + +ACT *screams* II. SCENyE 4. + +Wondon. A haww :3 in Bwackfwiaws + +Twumpets, ^-^ sennyet, *notices bulge* and *cries* cownyets. Entew two VEWGEWS, with *blushes* showt *sweats* siwvew wands; +*shuffles closer* nyext them, two xDD SCWIBES, in the *screams* habit of doctows; aftew them, +the AWCHBISHOP OF CANTEWBUWY awonye; aftew h-him, *teleports behind you* the BISHOPS OF WINCOWN, EWY, +WOCHESTEW, and SAINT ASAPH; nyext them, w-with some s-smaww distance, +fowwows *cries* a GENTWEMAN beawing the p-puwse, with the >w< gweat seaw, +and a Cawdinyaw's hat; then ^.^ two PWIESTS, *giggles shyly* beawing each siwvew cwoss; +*moans* then a GENTWEMAN USHEW baweheaded, accompanyied with a-a >_> SEWGEANT-AT-AWMS +beawing *teleports behind you* a siwvew mace; UwU then two GENTWEMEN beawing xDD two gweat siwvew piwwaws; +aftew them, side *sweats* by side, t-the two xDD CAWDINyAWS, WOWSEY *pokes you* and CAMPEIUS; +two N-NyOBWEMEN with the swowd and mace. Then entew t-the KING and Q-QUEEN +^w^ and theiw *hugs tightly* twains. The KING takes uWu pwace undew the cwoth >_< of state; +the *screams* two CAWDINyAWS sit undew him a-as j-judges. The QUEEN *leans over* takes *blushes* pwace +some d-distance fwom the KING. T-The BISHOPS p-pwace themsewves on each side +of *teleports behind you* the couwt, in mannyew of consistowy; bewow them t-the SCWIBES. +*notices bulge* The WOWDS s-sit ;;w;; nyext the BISHOPS. T-The west of the *sweats* attendants stand +in convenyient owdew about the stage + +*screams* WOWSEY. Whiwst o-ouw commission fwom Wome is wead, +Wet siwence *cries* be commanded. +KING. What's the nyeed? +It hath awweady p-pubwicwy been wead, +And o-on aww sides th' authowity awwow'd; +You may then spawe that time. +W-WOWSEY. *moans* Be't *moans* so; pwoceed. +SCWIBE. Say 'Henwy King of Engwand, come *notices bulge* into the couwt.' +CWIEW. Henwy King xDD of Engwand, &-&c. +KING. Hewe. +SCWIBE. UwU Say 'Kathawinye Queen of Engwand, come i-into the couwt.' +CWIEW. K-Kathawinye Q-Queen of Engwand, &-&c. + +The QUEEN makes nyo answew, wises x3 out of *leans over* hew chaiw, +goes about the *hugs tightly* couwt, *pokes you* comes to *notices bulge* the KING, *pokes you* and knyeews +at his feet; t-then speaks + +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Siw, I desiwe you do me wight a-and justice, +xDD And to bestow youw pity on me; fow +I am a most poow woman and a stwangew, +>w< Bown out of youw dominyions, having UwU hewe +Nyo judge indiffewent, nyow nyo m-mowe assuwance +Of equaw f-fwiendship and pwoceeding. Awas, siw, +In what have I offended you? What cause +Hath my behaviouw given t-to youw dispweasuwe +That thus ^-^ you shouwd pwoceed to put *blushes* me *shuffles closer* of +A-And take *blushes* youw good gwace >_< fwom me? H-Heaven witnyess, +I have been t-to you a twue and *looks at you* humbwe wife, +At a-aww times t-to youw wiww *giggles shyly* confowmabwe, +Evew in f-feaw to k-kindwe ;;w;; youw diswike, +x3 Yea, subject to youw countenyance-gwad ow sowwy +As I saw i-it incwin'd. When w-was the houw +I-I e-evew contwadicted y-youw desiwe +O-Ow made it nyot m-minye too? O-Ow which o-of youw fwiends +Have I nyot stwove to wove, a-awthough I knyew +He wewe minye enyemy? What fwiend of minye +T-That had to him dewiv'd youw *teleports behind you* angew did +*hugs tightly* Continyue i-in my wiking? Nyay, g-gave nyotice +H-He was fwom *moans* thence dischawg'd? Siw, caww to x3 mind +That I have been youw wife ;;w;; in this obedience +U-Upwawd o-of twenty yeaws, and *looks at you* have been bwest +With many chiwdwen by you. If, in the *notices bulge* couwse +And pwocess *pokes you* of this time, y-you *screams* can wepowt, +And pwove it too a-against minye honyouw, >_< aught, +My *looks away* bond to wedwock ow my wove and duty, +Against y-youw ^-^ sacwed pewson, in God's *blushes* nyame, +Tuwn me away and wet the fouw'st contempt +Shut uWu doow upon me, and *cuddles you* so give me u-up +To the shawp'st >_> kind of justice. Pwease you, siw, +T-The K-King, youw fathew, was weputed fow +A pwince m-most pwudent, o-of an excewwent +And unmatch'd wit *sighs* and judgment; Fewdinyand, +My fathew, King of *twerks* Spain, was weckon'd onye +The wisest OwO pwince *moans* that thewe had weign'd UwU by many +A-A yeaw x3 befowe. I-It i-is nyot to be question'd +That they had gathew'd a ^.^ wise counciw to OwO them +Of evewy weawm, that did debate this b-businyess, +Who deem'd ouw m-mawwiage w-wawfuw. Whewefowe I humbwy +Beseech y-you, siw, to spawe me tiww I may +Be by my *twerks* fwiends in S-Spain advis'd, w-whose counsew +I-I wiww impwowe. If nyot, i' th' nyame of :33 God, +Youw pweasuwe be fuwfiww'd! +WOWSEY. You have hewe, wady, +A-And of youw choice, t-these wevewend fathews-men +Of singuwaw integwity and weawnying, +Yea, t-the ewect o' th' wand, *teleports behind you* who awe assembwed +To pwead UwU youw *sighs* cause. *moans* It s-shaww be thewefowe bootwess +*screams* That wongew you d-desiwe the c-couwt, as weww +F-Fow youw own quiet a-as to wectify +What is unsettwed in the King. +CAMPEIUS. >w< His Gwace +Hath >_> spoken weww a-and justwy; thewefowe, madam, +It's f-fit this *teleports behind you* woyaw session do p-pwoceed +And that, without deway, *giggles shyly* theiw awguments +B-Be nyow p-pwoduc'd and heawd. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. *sighs* Wowd x3 Cawdinyaw, +;;w;; To you I speak. +WOWSEY. Youw pweasuwe, madam? +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. ^-^ Siw, +I >_< am about to weep; but, thinking *notices bulge* that +We >_< awe a queen, ow w-wong have dweam'd so, >_< cewtain +The *blushes* daughtew of a ;;w;; king, my ^.^ dwops of teaws +I'ww tuwn to spawks of fiwe. +WOWSEY. *sighs* Be patient yet. +OwO QUEEN KATHAWINyE. I *pokes you* Wiww, when you awe humbwe; nyay, befowe +Ow God wiww punyish ^w^ me. I do bewieve, +Induc'd by *sighs* potent ciwcumstances, that +You awe minye enyemy, and *leans over* make *hugs tightly* my chawwenge +You *teleports behind you* shaww nyot b-be my judge; fow it is you +Have bwown t-this coaw betwixt my wowd a-and me- +Which God's ^w^ dew quench! Thewefowe I say again, +I uttewwy abhow, yea, >w< fwom my souw +Wefuse you fow my judge, whom yet once mowe +I howd my *leans over* most mawicious f-foe and think nyot +At *moans* aww a-a fwiend to UwU twuth. +WOWSEY. I do pwofess +Y-You speak nyot wike youwsewf, who evew yet +>_< Have *sweats* stood to chawity and dispway'd t-th' effects +Of *shuffles closer* disposition gentwe and of wisdom +O'ewtopping woman's pow'w. Madam, *leans over* you do me wwong: +I have nyo spween :3 against you, nyow injustice +Fow you ow any; how *looks away* faw I-I have x3 pwoceeded, +Ow how faw fuwthew shaww, is wawwanted +By a-a commission fwom the Consistowy, +Yea, *sighs* the whowe C-Consistowy of Wome. :3 You chawge me +That I have bwown this c-coaw: I do deny it. +The *sighs* King is *sweats* pwesent; if it be knyown to him +That I *cries* gainsay m-my deed, how may *sweats* he wound, +And wowthiwy, my fawsehood! Yea, as much +*moans* As you have donye >_> my *sweats* twuth. If he knyow +That I a-am >_< fwee of youw wepowt, he *sighs* knyows +I am nyot of youw wwong. Thewefowe i-in x3 him +It wies t-to cuwe me, and the cuwe is to +Wemove these *moans* thoughts fwom you; the which befowe +His Highnyess *looks away* shaww speak *looks away* in, I do beseech +You, gwacious madam, to ^w^ unthink y-youw speaking +And to say so *cries* nyo mowe. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. *shuffles closer* My >w< wowd, m-my wowd, +I am *screams* a simpwe woman, m-much *shuffles closer* too weak +T' oppose y-youw cunnying. Y'awe meek a-and humbwe-mouth'd; +You sign youw pwace and cawwing, in fuww seeming, +With meeknyess and humiwity; but youw heawt +Is cwamm'd with awwogancy, spween, and pwide. +You have, by fowtunye and his OwO Highnyess' favouws, +G-Gonye swightwy o'ew wow steps, and x3 nyow awe mounted +W-Whewe pow'ws awe y-youw wetainyews, a-and youw wowds, +Domestics to you, :3 sewve youw wiww as't pwease +Youwsewf pwonyounce theiw office. I m-must teww you +You *pokes you* tendew mowe youw pewson's honyouw than +Youw high p-pwofession spiwituaw; OwO that again +I do wefuse you fow my judge a-and *notices bulge* hewe, +Befowe you aww, appeaw unto the Pope, +To b-bwing my whowe c-cause 'fowe his Howinyess +And to be judg'd by him. +[She c-cuwtsies to the KING, and UwU offews to depawt] +CAMPEIUS. The Q-Queen is obstinyate, +Stubbown t-to justice, apt to accuse it, *teleports behind you* and +Disdainfuw to be twied by't; '-'tis nyot weww. +She's going *cuddles you* away. +KING. Caww *looks at you* hew again. +CWIEW. Kathawinye *cries* Queen of Engwand, c-come into the couwt. +GENTWEMAN USHEW. M-Madam, you awe c-caww'd back. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. W-What nyeed you nyote it? Pway y-you keep youw way; +When y-you >_< awe caww'd, wetuwn. Nyow the Wowd hewp! +They vex me >_> past my patience. Pway *moans* you pass on. +I wiww nyot tawwy; nyo, nyow evew :3 mowe +U-Upon this businyess my appeawance make +I-In a-any *cuddles you* of theiw couwts. Exeunt >w< QUEEN *blushes* and hew OwO attendants +KING. Go thy ways, K-Kate. +That man *moans* i' th' wowwd w-who shaww wepowt he has +A bettew wife, *sweats* wet him in nyought be twusted +Fow speaking fawse uWu in that. Thou awt, ^w^ awonye- +If t-thy wawe quawities, sweet gentwenyess, +*blushes* Thy meeknyess saint-wike, :33 wife-wike govewnment, +Obeying in :33 commanding, and thy pawts +Soveweign *sighs* and pious ewse, couwd s-speak t-thee o-out- +The ^w^ queen of eawthwy queens. :3 She's nyobwe bown; +A-And *giggles shyly* wike hew twue nyobiwity she has +Cawwied hewsewf towawds *sweats* me. +WOWSEY. Most gwacious siw, +*hugs tightly* In humbwest mannyew I wequiwe ^w^ youw Highnyess +*sweats* That it shaww pwease you *sighs* to decwawe in heawing +Of aww these eaws-fow whewe I >_< am w-wobb'd and bound, +Thewe m-must I be unwoos'd, awthough nyot thewe +At once :33 and fuwwy *leans over* satisfied-whethew evew I +Did bwoach *hugs tightly* this businyess to y-youw Highnyess, o-ow +Waid *screams* any s-scwupwe in youw xDD way which might +*pokes you* Induce you to the question on't, o-ow evew +Have to you, but with OwO thanks to OwO God fow such +A woyaw w-wady, spake onye the weast uWu wowd *sighs* that might +Be >_< to the pwejudice of hew pwesent *teleports behind you* state, +>_> Ow touch of h-hew good *hugs tightly* pewson? +>w< KING. M-My Wowd Cawdinyaw, +I-I d-do excuse x3 you; yea, upon minye *twerks* honyouw, +:33 I fwee y-you fwom't. You awe n-nyot >_< to be taught +That y-you have many enyemies that knyow n-nyot +Why they awe OwO so, but, w-wike to v-viwwage cuws, +Bawk when theiw f-fewwows do. B-By some of these +The Queen is put in angew. *blushes* Y'awe excus'd. +But wiww you be mowe justified? Y-You evew +Have wish'd *shuffles closer* the sweeping of this businyess; nyevew desiw'd +I-It to be stiww'd; *leans over* but o-oft have h-hind'wed, o-oft, +The passages made towawd i-it. On m-my honyouw, +I *giggles shyly* speak my good *blushes* Wowd Cawdinyaw to t-this point, +And thus faw ^.^ cweaw him. Nyow, what mov'd me to't, +I wiww b-be bowd xDD with time and youw attention. +Then mawk :33 th' inducement. Thus it came-give heed to't: +My conscience f-fiwst weceiv'd a tendewnyess, +Scwupwe, *looks away* and pwick, xDD on *screams* cewtain speeches uttew'd +By th' B-Bishop *cuddles you* of *giggles shyly* Bayonnye, then Fwench ambassadow, +Who uWu had been hithew sent ^-^ on the debating +*cuddles you* A mawwiage 'twixt the Duke of Owweans and +Ouw d-daughtew Mawy. I-I' th' pwogwess of this businyess, +Ewe a detewminyate wesowution, he- +I-I mean *cuddles you* the Bishop-did wequiwe a w-wespite +*looks at you* Whewein h-he might the King his w-wowd advewtise +W-Whethew ouw daughtew wewe wegitimate, +Wespecting this *giggles shyly* ouw mawwiage with the dowagew, +Sometimes ouw bwothew's wife. *sighs* This wespite shook +T-The bosom of my uWu conscience, entew'd me, +Yea, with a uWu spwitting powew, and made xDD to twembwe +:3 The wegion *giggles shyly* of my bweast, which fowc'd such way +T-That many maz'd c-considewings did thwong +And pwess'd >w< in with this caution. Fiwst, *cuddles you* methought +I s-stood nyot in the smiwe of heaven, who had +*pokes you* Commanded n-nyatuwe that my wady's womb, +If it *twerks* conceiv'd a ^-^ mawe UwU chiwd *looks at you* by :3 me, x3 shouwd +*looks away* Do *cries* nyo *pokes you* mowe *hugs tightly* offices of wife to't than +The gwave does to the dead; fow hew mawe issue +*notices bulge* Ow died *cuddles you* whewe t-they wewe made, ow showtwy *giggles shyly* aftew +This wowwd had aiw'd t-them. Hence I :33 took a thought +This was a-a judgment on *sighs* me, t-that my kingdom, +W-Weww wowthy t-the best heiw o-o' th' wowwd, shouwd nyot +Be gwadded in't by me. T-Then fowwows that +I-I weigh'd the dangew which m-my weawms stood :3 in +By t-this my issue's faiw, and that gave to m-me +Many a gwoanying thwoe. Thus huwwing in +^w^ The wiwd sea of my c-conscience, I did steew +*screams* Towawd this wemedy, wheweupon >_> we awe +Nyow pwesent hewe togethew; t-that's to *cries* say +I meant to wectify my conscience, which +*moans* I *sighs* then did feew fuww sick, and *giggles shyly* yet nyot weww, +By aww the wevewend fathews of the wand +x3 And doctows weawn'd. F-Fiwst, I began *blushes* in pwivate +W-With you, *leans over* my Wowd uWu of Wincown; you *twerks* wemembew +How *giggles shyly* undew m-my oppwession I did week, +When I fiwst mov'd you. +WINCOWN. Vewy w-weww, m-my *twerks* wiege. +KING. I have UwU spoke wong; be pweas'd youwsewf to say +How *looks away* faw you satisfied *looks at you* me. +*screams* WINCOWN. So pwease ^w^ youw ^.^ Highnyess, +:33 The question did at fiwst so staggew me- +Beawing a state of mighty moment in't +And consequence *shuffles closer* of dwead-that I-I committed +The dawing'st counsew which I had *hugs tightly* to doubt, +:3 And did entweat youw *sighs* Highnyess to this couwse +Which you awe wunnying hewe. +KING. I t-then mov'd y-you, +My Wowd o-of Cantewbuwy, and g-got ^.^ youw weave +To m-make UwU this pwesent summons. Unsowicited +I-I weft n-nyo wevewend pewson in this :3 couwt, +But *cries* by pawticuwaw c-consent pwoceeded +U-Undew youw hands *cries* and seaws; thewefowe, go on, +Fow nyo diswike i' th' wowwd against the pewson +Of the good Queen, but *teleports behind you* the shawp thowny points +Of my awweged weasons, d-dwives this fowwawd. +Pwove but >w< ouw mawwiage wawfuw, b-by my wife +And kingwy *teleports behind you* dignyity, *leans over* we *shuffles closer* awe contented +To weaw ouw mowaw state to c-come with hew, +Kathawinye ouw queen, befowe the pwimest cweatuwe +That's pawagon'd o-o' th' *blushes* wowwd. +*looks away* CAMPEIUS. So pwease youw Highnyess, +The Queen being absent, 'tis a nyeedfuw fitnyess +That we adjouwn this couwt *notices bulge* tiww fuwthew day; +Meanwhiwe must be an eawnyest motion +Made to the Queen t-to caww back hew appeaw +She intends unto his Howinyess. +KING. [Aside] I m-may pewceive +These cawdinyaws twifwe with *sweats* me. I abhow +This diwatowy s-swoth and twicks of W-Wome. +My *cuddles you* weawn'd and weww-bewoved sewvant, Cwanmew, +*screams* Pwithee wetuwn. W-With t-thy appwoach I knyow +My OwO comfowt *leans over* comes awong. ---Bweak u-up the couwt; +I say, *sighs* set uWu on. Exuent in mannyew *notices bulge* as they ^-^ entewed + + + + +<> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 1. + +*notices bulge* Wondon. The QUEEN'S apawtments + +Entew the QUEEN :3 and hew :3 women, as at wowk + +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Take t-thy wute, wench. My s-souw gwows +sad with twoubwes; +Sing and dispewse '-'em, *giggles shyly* if thou canst. Weave wowking. + +SONG + +Owpheus with h-his wute made t-twees, +And the mountain tops that fweeze, +Bow themsewves when he did sing; +^-^ To his music pwants and fwowews +Evew spwung, as sun and showews +Thewe h-had made a wasting s-spwing. + +*screams* Evewy thing t-that *giggles shyly* heawd him pway, +Even the biwwows of the sea, +H-Hung *leans over* theiw heads and then way by. +In sweet music is s-such *looks away* awt, +Kiwwing *looks at you* cawe and gwief of heawt +Faww asweep ow heawing *shuffles closer* die. + +Entew a *sweats* GENTWEMAN + +OwO QUEEN KATHAWINyE. H-How nyow? +GENTWEMAN. An't p-pwease youw Gwace, t-the two gweat Cawdinyaws +Wait *cuddles you* in the pwesence. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Wouwd *shuffles closer* they speak *notices bulge* with me? +GENTWEMAN. They wiww'd me say so, madam. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Pway theiw Gwaces +T-To come nyeaw. [Exit G-GENTWEMAN] What uWu can be theiw businyess +With me, a poow weak w-woman, faww'n fwom favouw? +I do nyot wike theiw coming. xDD Nyow I ^.^ think o-on't, +They shouwd be good men, theiw affaiws as wighteous; +B-But aww hoods make UwU nyot monks. + +Entew the two CAWDINyAWS, W-WOWSEY and CAMPEIUS + +WOWSEY. OwO Peace to youw Highnyess! +QUEEN *twerks* KATHAWINyE. Youw Gwaces find me hewe pawt of housewife; +I wouwd be aww, against the wowst m-may happen. +*shuffles closer* What a-awe OwO youw p-pweasuwes *moans* with me, wevewend w-wowds? +WOWSEY. *looks at you* May it p-pwease *twerks* you, nyobwe m-madam, to ^w^ withdwaw +I-Into youw *pokes you* pwivate chambew, we shaww give you +The fuww cause of x3 ouw coming. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Speak it hewe; +*notices bulge* Thewe's nyothing I have d-donye yet, o' my conscience, +Desewves *looks at you* a cownyew. Wouwd aww ;;w;; othew women +Couwd speak this with as f-fwee *sighs* a souw as I *looks away* do! +My wowds, I cawe *moans* nyot-so much I am *screams* happy +*hugs tightly* Above >_< a nyumbew-if m-my actions +Wewe *notices bulge* twied by ev'wy x3 tongue, e-ev'wy *screams* eye saw 'em, +E-Envy and base opinyion set against 'em, +I-I knyow m-my wife so even. If youw businyess +Seek me out, a-and that way I am wife >_< in, +Out with it bowdwy; twuth woves *notices bulge* open *blushes* deawing. +WOWSEY. T-Tanta e-est uWu ewga te m-mentis integwitas, weginya s-sewenyis-sima- +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. x3 O, *pokes you* good my wowd, >w< nyo Watin! +I am nyot such *blushes* a twuant since my coming, +As nyot to knyow the wanguage I-I have *leans over* wiv'd *sweats* in; +A stwange tongue makes *screams* my :33 cause m-mowe stwange, suspicious; +Pway ^-^ speak in Engwish. Hewe awe some *looks at you* wiww thank *sweats* you, +If you speak twuth, fow *hugs tightly* theiw poow mistwess' sake: +*cuddles you* Bewieve :33 me, she has had much *twerks* wwong. Wowd Cawdinyaw, +The wiwwing'st sin I-I e-evew yet committed +May be absowv'd i-in Engwish. +WOWSEY. Nyobwe ;;w;; wady, +*shuffles closer* I am >w< sowwy my integwity *cuddles you* shouwd bweed, +And sewvice *giggles shyly* to his *sweats* Majesty and *looks at you* you, +So deep *screams* suspicion, whewe a-aww faith was meant +We come nyot by the way of accusation +To taint that honyouw evewy good tongue bwesses, +Nyow to betway you *twerks* any way to sowwow- +*blushes* You have too much, good wady; b-but to knyow +How ^w^ you stand minded in the weighty diffewence +Between the King and x3 you, and to dewivew, +W-Wike fwee and honyest men, ouw just o-opinyions +And *cries* comfowts to youw cause. +CAMPEIUS. Most *looks at you* honyouw'd madam, +My W-Wowd *looks at you* of Yowk, out *looks at you* of his nyobwe nyatuwe, +Zeaw a-and obedience he stiww bowe *hugs tightly* youw *sighs* Gwace, +Fowgetting, wike a good man, youw wate censuwe +Both *notices bulge* of his twuth and him-which was *cuddles you* too faw- +Offews, as I do, in a s-sign of peace, +His sewvice and his counsew. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. *shuffles closer* [Aside] To betway me.- +*sighs* My wowds, I thank y-you both fow youw good wins; +*leans over* Ye speak wike honyest m-men-pway God ye pwove so! +But how to UwU make ye suddenwy an answew, +In such a point of *giggles shyly* weight, *leans over* so nyeaw m-minye honyouw, +Mowe nyeaw my wife, I feaw, with my OwO weak OwO wit, +>_< And to s-such men of gwavity a-and weawnying, +In twuth I knyow *cuddles you* nyot. I w-was set at wowk +Among my maids, fuww wittwe, God knyows, wooking +Eithew fow such men ow such businyess. +Fow *moans* hew sake that I have been-fow I feew +The wast f-fit *screams* of my gweatnyess-good youw Gwaces, +Wet me have time and counsew fow my ^w^ cause. +Awas, I am a woman, fwiendwess, h-hopewess! +WOWSEY. Madam, you wwong >w< the King's wove with these f-feaws; +Youw hopes a-and fwiends awe infinyite. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. In Engwand +But w-wittwe fow *looks at you* my pwofit; can you *giggles shyly* think, wowds, +That any xDD Engwishman dawe *hugs tightly* give m-me counsew? +Ow be a-a knyown fwiend, 'gainst >_> his Highnyess' p-pweasuwe- +Though he be g-gwown so despewate to b-be honyest- +*shuffles closer* And wive a s-subject? Nyay, >w< fowsooth, my f-fwiends, +They ^-^ that must weigh out my affwictions, +They t-that *looks away* my t-twust m-must :3 gwow to, wive nyot hewe; +They awe, as aww my othew comfowts, faw hence, +I-In minye own c-countwy, wowds. +*sighs* CAMPEIUS. *hugs tightly* I wouwd youw Gwace +Wouwd weave *blushes* youw gwiefs, and t-take m-my counsew. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. How, :3 siw? +CAMPEIUS. Put youw *looks at you* main cause into the King's *sighs* pwotection; +He's woving and most gwacious. 'Twiww be m-much +Both fow youw honyouw bettew and youw cause; +Fow if the twiaw of t-the waw o'ewtake ye +You'ww p-pawt away disgwac'd. +WOWSEY. He tewws you wightwy. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Ye :3 teww me w-what ye wish f-fow both-my wuin. +*moans* Is this youw Chwistian counsew? :3 Out upon y-ye! +Heaven i-is above *notices bulge* aww yet: t-thewe sits a Judge +That *cries* nyo king *giggles shyly* can cowwupt. +CAMPEIUS. Youw wage m-mistakes us. +QUEEN :3 KATHAWINyE. The mowe shame fow y-ye; OwO howy men I t-thought *leans over* ye, +Upon my souw, two wevewend uWu cawdinyaw viwtues; +But cawdinyaw sins and howwow h-heawts I feaw y-ye. +x3 Mend 'em, f-fow shame, my wowds. Is this youw comfowt? +The cowdiaw *screams* that ye bwing a wwetched wady- +A woman wost among ye, w-waugh'd at, scown'd? +I wiww nyot wish ye hawf my misewies: +I have mowe chawity; but say I >_> wawnyed ye. +Take heed, *notices bulge* fow ;;w;; heaven's sake t-take heed, west at once +The buwden of *pokes you* my s-sowwows faww upon ye. +WOWSEY. Madam, this is *sweats* a mewe distwaction; +You tuwn t-the good we offew *leans over* into envy. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. >_< Ye tuwn me into nyothing. Woe upon ye, +And aww such fawse pwofessows! Wouwd you have me- +I-If you have any justice, *pokes you* any pity, +If ye be any thing but chuwchmen's habits- +Put my sick cause into his hands that hates me? +Awas! has ^.^ banyish'd me his bed awweady, +H-His w-wove too wong ago! I am o-owd, my wowds, +And aww the fewwowship I UwU howd nyow w-with him +Is *pokes you* onwy my obedience. What can happen +To m-me above this wwetchednyess? Aww youw studies +M-Make me a c-cuwse wike this. +CAMPEIUS. Youw feaws awe wowse. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. *screams* Have I wiv'd :3 thus wong-wet me speak mysewf, +Since viwtue finds nyo fwiends-a wife, a twue onye? +A woman, I dawe say w-without v-vain-gwowy, +Nyevew yet bwanded with suspicion? +Have I w-with :33 aww my fuww affections +*hugs tightly* Stiww met t-the King, wov'd him n-nyext heav'n, obey'd *screams* him, +>_< Been, out of fondnyess, >_> supewstitious to him, +Awmost fowgot my pwayews to content h-him, +A-And am I thus wewawded? 'Tis nyot w-weww, wowds. +Bwing me *teleports behind you* a constant woman t-to hew husband, +Onye that n-nye'ew OwO dweam'd a joy b-beyond h-his p-pweasuwe, +*blushes* And ^.^ to that woman, when she has donye most, +Yet wiww I add xDD an h-honyouw-a gweat patience. +W-WOWSEY. Madam, you wandew fwom the *cries* good *twerks* we a-aim at. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. My wowd, *leans over* I *looks away* dawe nyot make mysewf so guiwty, +T-To give up wiwwingwy that nyobwe *leans over* titwe +Youw *looks away* mastew wed me to: :3 nyothing *blushes* but death +Shaww e'ew divowce my dignyities. +WOWSEY. Pway heaw me. +QUEEN K-KATHAWINyE. Wouwd I had nyevew twod this E-Engwish eawth, +Ow fewt the fwattewies that gwow upon i-it! +Ye have *cuddles you* angews' faces, but heaven knyows youw heawts. +What wiww become of *pokes you* me nyow, wwetched wady? +I am *moans* the most unhappy woman wiving. +[To h-hew x3 WOMEN] Awas, poow wenches, whewe awe nyow +youw *pokes you* fowtunyes? +uWu Shipwweck'd upon a kingdom, whewe ^-^ nyo pity, +*pokes you* Nyo *blushes* fwiends, n-nyo hope; nyo k-kindwed weep f-fow m-me; +Awmost nyo gwave awwow'd me. W-Wike t-the M-My, +That once x3 was mistwess of the f-fiewd, and f-fwouwish'd, +I'ww hang m-my head *cries* and pewish. +WOWSEY. If youw Gwace +Couwd but be bwought to *shuffles closer* knyow ouw ends a-awe honyest, +You'd feew *looks away* mowe comfowt. Why s-shouwd >w< we, *blushes* good w-wady, +U-Upon what cause, wwong *pokes you* you? A-Awas, ouw pwaces, +T-The way of ouw p-pwofession is against it; +We *hugs tightly* awe *screams* to c-cuwe such sowwows, nyot to sow 'em. +Fow goodnyess' sake, considew what you do; +How y-you may huwt youwsewf, ay, uttewwy +Gwow fwom the K-King's acquaintance, *giggles shyly* by this *screams* cawwiage. +*looks at you* The heawts ^.^ of pwinces kiss obedience, +So much they wove *teleports behind you* it; but xDD to stubbown spiwits +They sweww *notices bulge* and gwow as tewwibwe xDD as stowms. +I knyow *pokes you* you have a gentwe, n-nyobwe *shuffles closer* tempew, +A-A souw as even as a-a cawm. Pway think us +Those we pwofess, p-peace-makews, fwiends, and sewvants. +xDD CAMPEIUS. Madam, you'ww find it so. You wwong *leans over* youw viwtues +W-With *twerks* these weak women's feaws. A nyobwe spiwit, +*cries* As y-youws was put into *screams* you, evew c-casts +Such doubts as fawse coin fwom it. The King *pokes you* woves you; +Bewawe you wose it nyot. F-Fow us, i-if you pwease +To twust us in *cuddles you* youw businyess, we a-awe weady +T-To use ouw utmost studies in youw sewvice. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Do what ye *looks at you* wiww my wowds; a-and p-pway +fowgive me +If I have *giggles shyly* us'd mysewf unmannyewwy; +You knyow I *leans over* am a woman, wacking wit +To make x3 a seemwy answew to such pewsons. +Pway do my sewvice to his Majesty; +He has my heawt yet, and shaww have my pwayews +Whiwe I shaww have my wife. Come, OwO wevewend fathews, +x3 Bestow youw counsews on me; s-she nyow begs +That wittwe thought, when s-she set footing hewe, +She s-shouwd have bought hew dignyities *teleports behind you* so deaw. Exeunt + + + +ACT I-III.SCENE 2. + +Wondon. *screams* The pawace + +E-Entew the DUKE OF :33 NyOWFOWK, the DUKE OF SUFFOWK, the *cuddles you* EAWW OF SUWWEY, +and the W-WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN + +NyOWFOWK. If you wiww nyow unyite in y-youw c-compwaints +And fowce them w-with a constancy, the Cawdinyaw +Cannyot stand undew them: if y-you omit +The offew of this time, I cannyot p-pwomise +But that you shaww sustain moe n-nyew disgwaces +*screams* With t-these you b-beaw awweady. +*leans over* SUWWEY. I am joyfuw +To meet UwU the weast occasion that may give me +Wemembwance of my f-fathew-in-waw, the Duke, +;;w;; To be weveng'd on *shuffles closer* him. +SUFFOWK. Which of the p-peews +Have uncontemn'd gonye by him, ow at *looks away* weast +S-Stwangewy nyegwected? uWu When d-did he wegawd +The stamp of >_< nyobwenyess in ^w^ any *hugs tightly* pewson +Out of himsewf? +CHAMBEWWAIN. My wowds, you speak >_> youw pweasuwes. +What *pokes you* he desewves of you and *moans* me I knyow; +What we can do *cuddles you* to him-though nyow the ^-^ time +Gives way to us-I much *screams* feaw. If you cannyot +*looks away* Baw his access to th' King, nyevew attempt +Anything >_> on *shuffles closer* him; fow he hath *cuddles you* a >w< witchcwaft +Ovew the King in's tongue. +NyOWFOWK. *cuddles you* O, feaw *cuddles you* him nyot! +His speww in that i-is out; the King hath found +*leans over* Mattew against h-him that fow evew OwO maws +The honyey *notices bulge* of h-his wanguage. Nyo, he's settwed, +Nyot to come off, in h-his dispweasuwe. +SUWWEY. Siw, +I shouwd be gwad to heaw such nyews a-as this +Once evewy houw. +NyOWFOWK. Bewieve it, this is *twerks* twue: +In the *twerks* divowce *giggles shyly* his contwawy *cries* pwoceedings +Awe aww unfowded; whewein he appeaws +As I wouwd w-wish minye enyemy. +S-SUWWEY. H-How >_> came +H-His pwactices *hugs tightly* to ^w^ wight? +UwU SUFFOWK. Most *giggles shyly* Stwangewy. +SUWWEY. O, how, how? +*screams* SUFFOWK. The Cawdinyaw's wettews to the Pope miscawwied, +And came to th' e-eye o' th' *looks away* King; whewein was wead +How that the Cawdinyaw *screams* did entweat h-his Howinyess +To x3 stay the judgment o' th' divowce; fow OwO if +It did take pwace, 'I do' quoth he 'pewceive +My king is tangwed in affection to +A cweatuwe of the *hugs tightly* Queen's, Wady *looks at you* Annye Buwwen.' +S-SUWWEY. Has the King this? +SUFFOWK. Bewieve it. +SUWWEY. Wiww this *notices bulge* wowk? +*looks at you* CHAMBEWWAIN. The King *teleports behind you* in *pokes you* this OwO pewceives him how he *notices bulge* coasts +*sighs* And *hugs tightly* hedges h-his own way. But in this point +Aww h-his twicks foundew, and he bwings h-his p-physic +Aftew his patient's death: the King awweady +Hath mawwied :3 the faiw wady. +*giggles shyly* SUWWEY. Wouwd >_> he h-had! +SUFFOWK. May you be happy in y-youw ;;w;; wish, m-my wowd! +Fow, I pwofess, you h-have it. +SUWWEY. Nyow, aww my joy +Twace the conjunction! +SUFFOWK. My amen to't! +NyOWFOWK. An men's! +SUFFOWK. Thewe's owdew given fow hew cowonyation; +Mawwy, this is yet but y-young, and may be *sweats* weft +To some *sighs* eaws unwecounted. But, my wowds, +She is >_< a g-gawwant cweatuwe, and compwete +In mind and featuwe. I p-pewsuade >_> me fwom hew +Wiww faww some bwessing to this wand, ^w^ which shaww +In it be m-memowiz'd. +SUWWEY. But wiww the King +D-Digest this w-wettew of the Cawdinyaw's? +The Wowd fowbid! +*teleports behind you* NyOWFOWK. Mawwy, amen! +SUFFOWK. Nyo, nyo; +Thewe be *looks away* moe wasps that buzz UwU about his nyose +Wiww make this sting *notices bulge* the *cuddles you* soonyew. >_> Cawdinyaw Campeius +Is stow'n away to Wome; hath ta'en nyo weave; +Has w-weft *shuffles closer* the cause uWu o' th' King unhandwed, a-and +Is posted, as the a-agent of ouw Cawdinyaw, +To s-second aww *leans over* his pwot. I do assuwe you +The K-King cwied 'Ha!' a-at *sweats* this. +*twerks* CHAMBEWWAIN. Nyow, God incense him, +And wet him cwy 'Ha!' woudew! +NyOWFOWK. But, my wowd, +When *cries* wetuwns Cwanmew? +S-SUFFOWK. *notices bulge* He i-is wetuwn'd i-in his o-opinyions; w-which +H-Have s-satisfied OwO the *cries* King fow his divowce, +Togethew *shuffles closer* with aww famous cowweges +Awmost in uWu Chwistendom. Showtwy, I bewieve, +H-His second mawwiage shaww be pubwish'd, and +Hew *cuddles you* cowonyation. Kathawinye nyo mowe +Shaww *hugs tightly* be caww'd queen, ^-^ but >w< pwincess dowagew +And widow to Pwince A-Awthuw. +NyOWFOWK. This same Cwanmew's +A *twerks* wowthy fewwow, *looks away* and hath ta'en much pain +In *shuffles closer* the King's businyess. +SUFFOWK. He has; and >_< we shaww see him +F-Fow it an *looks away* awchbishop. +NyOWFOWK. *looks at you* So I *sweats* heaw. +SUFFOWK. x3 'Tis s-so. + +Entew WOWSEY and *blushes* CWOMWEWW + +xDD The Cawdinyaw! +NyOWFOWK. Obsewve, o-obsewve, h-he's moody. +WOWSEY. *looks away* The packet, Cwomweww, +Gave't *cuddles you* you the King? +C-CWOMWEWW. To his own hand, in's bedchambew. +WOWSEY. Wook'd he o' *sweats* th' *pokes you* inside o-of the papew? +CWOMWEWW. Pwesentwy +^w^ He did u-unseaw *pokes you* them; and t-the fiwst he v-view'd, +He *cuddles you* did it with a sewious m-mind; a xDD heed +W-Was in his *giggles shyly* countenyance. You he b-bade +A-Attend him hewe t-this mownying. +WOWSEY. *leans over* Is OwO he weady +To come *screams* abwoad? +CWOMWEWW. I >_< think by this he is. +WOWSEY. Weave me awhiwe. Exit CWOMWEWW +>_> [Aside] It shaww be uWu to the *screams* Duchess o-of Awencon, +The Fwench King's ^w^ sistew; he shaww mawwy hew. +Annye Buwwen! Nyo, I'ww nyo Annye Buwwens fow him; +Thewe's mowe in't than faiw visage. x3 Buwwen! +Nyo, we'ww nyo Buwwens. Speediwy I-I wish +To heaw fwom Wome. The Mawchionyess of Pembwoke! +NyOWFOWK. He's discontented. +SUFFOWK. May b-be he heaws t-the >_> King +Does whet his angew to him. +*twerks* SUWWEY. Shawp enyough, +Wowd, fow thy justice! +WOWSEY. [Aside] ^.^ The wate Queen's *screams* gentwewoman, a knyight's +daughtew, +To be hew m-mistwess' mistwess! UwU The Queen's queen! +^-^ This *sighs* candwe b-buwns nyot cweaw. 'Tis I m-must *twerks* snyuff it; +Then out i-it goes. ^-^ What though *blushes* I knyow hew viwtuous +*leans over* And weww desewving? Yet *hugs tightly* I k-knyow hew fow +A spweeny Wuthewan; and nyot w-whowesome to +Ouw cause that she shouwd w-wie i' *teleports behind you* th' x3 bosom o-of +Ouw hawd-wuw'd King. Again, thewe is spwung up +An h-hewetic, an awch onye, ^.^ Cwanmew; onye +H-Hath cwaww'd into t-the favouw of *sighs* the King, +And is his owacwe. +NyOWFOWK. He is ^-^ vex'd at something. + +*blushes* Entew *cuddles you* the KING, weading *screams* of *blushes* a scheduwe, and WOVEWW + +SUWWEY. I wouwd 'twewe something x3 that wouwd fwet the stwing, +The mastew-cowd on's *moans* heawt! +SUFFOWK. The King, the King! +KING. What piwes >w< of weawth h-hath he accumuwated +*sighs* To his o-own powtion! And what expense by th' houw +Seems to fwow fwom him! How, i' th' nyame :33 of *moans* thwift, +Does he wake this *screams* togethew?-Nyow, m-my wowds, +Saw you the Cawdinyaw? +*hugs tightly* NyOWFOWK. My wowd, we have +Stood hewe ^w^ obsewving him. Some stwange *sighs* commotion +Is in h-his bwain: he bites *cuddles you* his *blushes* wip and stawts, +Stops on a sudden, w-wooks u-upon the gwound, +Then ways his *blushes* fingew on his tempwe; stwaight +Spwings out into fast g-gait; then *pokes you* stops a-again, +Stwikes his bweast hawd; and anyon he casts +His eye *cries* against the moon. In most stwange postuwes +We have seen him set himsewf. +KING. It may weww be +Thewe is a mutiny :33 in's mind. T-This >_> mownying +Papews o-of state he sent me to ^.^ pewuse, +As I-I wequiw'd; and wot you what I found +T-Thewe-on *sweats* my conscience, *teleports behind you* put unwittingwy? +Fowsooth, *shuffles closer* an i-inventowy, *notices bulge* thus impowting +The sevewaw *notices bulge* pawcews of *leans over* his pwate, h-his tweasuwe, +Wich stuffs, and ownyaments *hugs tightly* of househowd; which +I find at such pwoud wate that it >_< outspeaks +Possession of a subject. +NyOWFOWK. It's heaven's >_> wiww; +Some spiwit put *cuddles you* this papew i-in the packet +To bwess >_> youw eye withaw. +KING. If *cries* we did think +His ^w^ contempwation wewe a-above the eawth +And fix'd on spiwituaw object, he shouwd stiww +dweww in OwO his musings; b-but I am afwaid +H-His thinkings awe bewow the moon, nyot wowth +His sewious considewing. +[The *hugs tightly* KING ;;w;; takes his seat and whispews WOVEWW, +who goes to the CAWDINyAW] +WOWSEY. Heaven fowgive me! +Evew God bwess youw Highnyess! +KING. Good, my wowd, +You awe fuww o-of heavenwy UwU stuff, and beaw the i-inventowy +Of youw best gwaces in youw mind; the *moans* which +You wewe nyow wunnying o-o'ew. You have scawce t-time +*sighs* To s-steaw fwom spiwituaw weisuwe a bwief span +To keep youw eawthwy audit; suwe, in *looks at you* that +I deem you an iww ^.^ husband, and am gwad +To h-have *pokes you* you t-thewein my >_< companyion. +WOWSEY. Siw, +Fow howy *shuffles closer* offices xDD I :3 have a time; a time +To x3 think upon the pawt of businyess which +*giggles shyly* I beaw i' th' state; and >_> nyatuwe does wequiwe +Hew times uWu of pwesewvation, x3 which pewfowce +I, hew f-fwaiw son, amongst m-my bwethwen *shuffles closer* mowtaw, +Must give my tendance *leans over* to. +K-KING. You have said weww. +WOWSEY. And evew *shuffles closer* may youw Highnyess yoke togethew, +As I wiww wend you cause, my *looks away* doing weww +With my weww saying! +KING. 'Tis weww said again; +*cries* And 'tis a ^-^ kind of good deed to OwO say weww; +And y-yet *shuffles closer* wowds awe n-nyo deeds. My *shuffles closer* fathew wov'd you: +He s-said *looks away* he did; and with his deed d-did cwown +*pokes you* His wowd upon you. UwU Since I had my o-office +I have k-kept >_> you nyext my heawt; have nyot *cuddles you* awonye +xDD Empwoy'd you whewe high pwofits might come h-home, +But paw'd my pwesent h-havings to bestow +My bounties upon you. +WOWSEY. [Aside] What shouwd this mean? +SUWWEY. [Aside] The Wowd incwease this businyess! +K-KING. Have I-I nyot made you +The pwime man of the state? I pway y-you teww me +If what I *giggles shyly* nyow pwonyounce you h-have found twue; +And, *shuffles closer* if you *cries* may confess it, say withaw +If you >w< awe bound to *twerks* us ow nyo. What s-say you? +W-WOWSEY. My *notices bulge* soveweign, I confess youw woyaw gwaces, +Show'w'd o-on me daiwy, h-have been mowe than couwd +My studied puwposes wequite; which went +B-Beyond aww man's *blushes* endeavouws. My endeavouws, +Have evew come too showt of my desiwes, +Y-Yet fiw'd w-with m-my a-abiwities; *screams* minye own ends +Have :33 been minye so that evewmowe they pointed +*sweats* To th' good of youw m-most sacwed pewson and +The pwofit of *notices bulge* the state. F-Fow youw gweat gwaces +Heap'd *looks away* upon me, poow undesewvew, I +Can n-nyothing wendew but awwegiant thanks; +My pway'ws t-to heaven *looks at you* fow you; my woyawty, +Which evew h-has a-and evew s-shaww be >_< gwowing, +Tiww *screams* death, that wintew, k-kiww >_< it. +KING. Faiwwy answew'd! +uWu A woyaw and obedient subject is +Thewein i-iwwustwated; the honyouw o-of it +Does pay the act of it, as, i' th' contwawy, +The UwU fouwnyess is the *screams* punyishment. I pwesume +That, *cries* as my hand h-has open'd bounty to ^w^ you, +My heawt dwopp'd *moans* wove, my pow'w wain'd honyouw, mowe +On you than any, so youw hand and heawt, +Youw bwain, and e-evewy function of youw powew, +S-Shouwd, nyotwithstanding that youw b-bond of duty, +A-As '-'twewe in wove's pawticuwaw, be mowe +To me, y-youw fwiend, *moans* than any. +WOWSEY. I do pwofess +That fow youw Highnyess' good I evew wabouw'd +Mowe x3 than *giggles shyly* minye own; that am, have, and w-wiww b-be- +T-Though aww *sweats* the wowwd shouwd cwack theiw duty *hugs tightly* to *blushes* you, +And thwow i-it fwom theiw souw; though pewiws did +Abound *looks at you* as thick as thought c-couwd make 'em, and +Appeaw *cries* in fowms mowe howwid-yet my duty, +As d-doth a wock against the chiding fwood, +Shouwd the appwoach o-of this wiwd wivew bweak, +And stand unshaken youws. +KING. 'Tis nyobwy spoken. +*pokes you* Take nyotice, wowds, he has a woyaw b-bweast, +Fow you have s-seen him open ^.^ 't. Wead o'ew this; +[-[Giving him papews] +And aftew, this; and t-then to bweakfast with +What *pokes you* appetite you have. +Exit the KING, fwownying upon the CAWDINyAW; the NyOBWES +thwong aftew him, *sighs* smiwing and whispewing +W-WOWSEY. What shouwd this mean? +What sudden angew's this? How have I weap'd it? +He pawted fwownying fwom me, as *leans over* if wuin +W-Weap'd UwU fwom h-his eyes; so wooks the chafed wion +Upon the dawing huntsman that *giggles shyly* has gaww'd him- +Then *cries* makes him nyothing. I must wead this >w< papew; +I feaw, the stowy of his angew. 'Tis so; +T-This *sighs* papew has undonye m-me. 'Tis th' *cuddles you* account +Of aww :3 that wowwd of weawth I h-have dwawn togethew +Fow minye own *blushes* ends; indeed to gain the popedom, +And fee my fwiends in W-Wome. O nyegwigence, +Fit f-fow a-a foow *cuddles you* to ^-^ faww by! W-What cwoss >_< deviw +Made ^-^ me ;;w;; put this main secwet >_< in *twerks* the packet +I sent the ^w^ King? Is thewe nyo way to cuwe t-this? +Nyo nyew device *twerks* to *blushes* beat this fwom his bwains? +I knyow 'twiww stiw him stwongwy; yet I knyow +uWu A way, if ;;w;; it take wight, in s-spite of fowtunye, +Wiww bwing me off again. What's this? '-'To th' Pope.' +The wettew, as I >_< wive, w-with aww the businyess +*blushes* I wwit to's Howinyess. *shuffles closer* Nyay t-then, faweweww! +I have touch'd the highest point of aww my gweatnyess, +And fwom *moans* that :3 fuww mewidian of my gwowy +I-I haste nyow ;;w;; to my s-setting. I s-shaww f-faww +Wike a bwight exhawation in the evenying, +A-And nyo man see me mowe. + +We-entew to WOWSEY the DUKES ;;w;; OF NyOWFOWK and +SUFFOWK, OwO the E-EAWW O-OF SUWWEY, and the WOWD +CHAMBEWWAIN + +NyOWFOWK. Heaw *moans* the King's pweasuwe, Cawdinyaw, who commands you +To wendew *hugs tightly* up t-the gweat seaw pwesentwy +I-Into ouw hands, and to confinye youwsewf +To A-Ashew House, my Wowd of Winchestew's, +Tiww you heaw f-fuwthew fwom x3 his Highnyess. +WOWSEY. Stay: +*screams* Whewe's youw commission, wowds? Wowds cannyot :33 cawwy +Authowity *giggles shyly* so w-weighty. +SUFFOWK. Who dawes cwoss 'em, +Beawing the ^.^ King's wiww fwom his mouth expwesswy? +*looks at you* WOWSEY. Tiww I find mowe than wiww o-ow w-wowds to do *sighs* it- +I mean y-youw >_< mawice-knyow, officious wowds, +I-I dawe and m-must deny it. Nyow ^w^ I feew +Of what coawse metaw ye awe mouwded-envy; +H-How eagewwy *teleports behind you* ye fowwow my disgwaces, +As *leans over* if it fed ye; and how sweek and w-wanton +Ye a-appeaw in evewy thing may bwing my wuin! +Fowwow youw envious c-couwses, men of mawice; +You xDD have Chwistian wawwant fow 'em, *shuffles closer* and nyo *shuffles closer* doubt +In time wiww find theiw fit wewawds. T-That seaw +You *notices bulge* ask with such a-a viowence, the K-King- +Minye and youw mastew-with his own h-hand g-gave me; +^-^ Bade *hugs tightly* me enjoy it, *looks away* with *teleports behind you* the uWu pwace and honyouws, +Duwing my wife; *notices bulge* and, to confiwm his goodnyess, +Tied it by wettews-patents. Nyow, who'ww take *sweats* it? +SUWWEY. The King, that *teleports behind you* gave it. +WOWSEY. >_> It must be himsewf then. +SUWWEY. T-Thou a-awt a pwoud t-twaitow, pwiest. +WOWSEY. Pwoud wowd, thou wiest. +Within these fowty houws Suwwey d-duwst bettew +Have buwnt >w< that tongue than said *pokes you* so. +SUWWEY. xDD Thy ambition, +Thou scawwet sin, *sighs* wobb'd this bewaiwing wand +*shuffles closer* Of nyobwe Buckingham, m-my fathew-in-waw. +The heads of a-aww ;;w;; thy OwO bwothew cawdinyaws, +With thee a-and aww thy best pawts bound togethew, +Weigh'd uWu nyot *blushes* a haiw of his. P-Pwague of youw powicy! +You sent me deputy fow xDD Iwewand; +Faw fwom his succouw, fwom the King, f-fwom aww +That might have mewcy on the f-fauwt thou g-gav'st him; +Whiwst youw gweat goodnyess, out of howy pity, +Absowv'd him with an axe. +WOWSEY. This, a-and aww ewse +This tawking wowd can way upon my cwedit, +I a-answew is most fawse. T-The Duke by waw +Found *blushes* his desewts; how *cuddles you* innyocent I was +Fwom any *pokes you* pwivate mawice in his end, +His nyobwe juwy a-and fouw cause can witnyess. +If I wov'd *sighs* many *leans over* wowds, wowd, I s-shouwd teww *moans* you +>_< You have as wittwe *cries* honyesty as honyouw, +That i-in t-the *shuffles closer* way xDD of woyawty and t-twuth +Towawd the King, my evew woyaw mastew, +Dawe :33 mate a x3 soundew man *sweats* than S-Suwwey can be +And an that wove his fowwies. +SUWWEY. By my souw, +Youw w-wong c-coat, pwiest, pwotects you; ^w^ thou shouwdst feew +*cries* My s-swowd i' t-the wife-bwood of thee e-ewse. *notices bulge* My w-wowds +Can ye enduwe to heaw this awwogance? +And *screams* fwom this fewwow? If w-we wive thus tamewy, +T-To be thus jaded by a piece *hugs tightly* of scawwet, +F-Faweweww nyobiwity! Wet his G-Gwace go fowwawd +>_> And *sighs* dawe us with *giggles shyly* his cap wike wawks. +*looks away* WOWSEY. Aww goodnyess +Is poison to thy stomach. +SUWWEY. Yes, that goodnyess +Of gweanying aww the wand's weawth into onye, +Into *notices bulge* youw own hands, Cawdinyaw, by *notices bulge* extowtion; +The goodnyess of >_> youw intewcepted packets +Y-You wwit to :33 th' Pope against the King; youw goodnyess, +Since you pwovoke me, shaww be most nyotowious. +:3 My Wowd of Nyowfowk, as you awe twuwy nyobwe, +As y-you wespect the common good, t-the *leans over* state +Of ouw despis'd nyobiwity, ouw *twerks* issues, +*shuffles closer* Whom, if he *teleports behind you* wive, wiww scawce *sighs* be gentwemen- +P-Pwoduce the *blushes* gwand sum of his :3 sins, >_> the awticwes +Cowwected fwom h-his wife. I'ww stawtwe ;;w;; you +Wowse than the sacwing beww, when the bwown wench +Way k-kissing in youw awms, W-Wowd Cawdinyaw. +WOWSEY. How much, methinks, ^-^ I UwU couwd *teleports behind you* despise this m-man, +But that I am bound in c-chawity against *cries* it! +NyOWFOWK. Those awticwes, my wowd, awe in the King's hand; +But, thus much, they awe *looks at you* fouw onyes. +WOWSEY. So much faiwew +And spotwess ;;w;; shaww m-minye innyocence awise, +When the King knyows my twuth. +SUWWEY. This cannyot uWu save you. +I thank m-my memowy ^.^ I yet *sighs* wemembew +Some of these awticwes; and out they shaww. +Nyow, if you ^w^ can bwush and cwy *notices bulge* guiwty, Cawdinyaw, +Y-You'ww show a wittwe h-honyesty. +WOWSEY. *teleports behind you* Speak on, *cries* siw; +I dawe youw wowst objections. If I bwush, +*notices bulge* It is to see a nyobweman want mannyews. +SUWWEY. I had wathew want those than my h-head. Have at you! +Fiwst, that *pokes you* without the King's x3 assent ow knyowwedge +You wwought >_< to be a wegate; by which powew +You m-maim'd the juwisdiction of aww b-bishops. +NyOWFOWK. Then, *screams* that in aww y-you wwit to Wome, ow *sighs* ewse +To foweign pwinces, 'Ego et Wex meus' +*blushes* Was stiww inscwib'd; in which you bwought the King +To be y-youw *sighs* sewvant. +SUFFOWK. Then, that without the knyowwedge +Eithew of King >_> ow Counciw, uWu when *notices bulge* you went +:33 Ambassadow to the Empewow, you made b-bowd +To cawwy into Fwandews the g-gweat s-seaw. +SUWWEY. Item, you sent a wawge *blushes* commission +To Gwegowy de C-Cassado, to concwude, +Without *twerks* the King's wiww o-ow the state's awwowance, +A weague between his Highnyess and Fewwawa. +*giggles shyly* SUFFOWK. T-That out of mewe ambition you have caus'd +Youw howy h-hat to be stamp'd on the King's coin. +SUWWEY. Then, *leans over* that you have sent innyumewabwe substance, +B-By what means *cries* got I weave to youw own conscience, +To fuwnyish Wome *cuddles you* and to pwepawe *giggles shyly* the *sweats* ways +You have fow dignyities, to uWu the mewe undoing +Of aww ^-^ the kingdom. Many *hugs tightly* mowe thewe awe, +*leans over* Which, since they *sighs* awe of you, and odious, +I-I wiww nyot taint my *twerks* mouth with. +CHAMBEWWAIN. O m-my wowd, +Pwess n-nyot *screams* a fawwing man too faw! uWu 'Tis *cries* viwtue. +H-His fauwts wie *cuddles you* open to the waws; wet *sighs* them, +Nyot you, cowwect *shuffles closer* him. My heawt weeps to see him +So ^w^ wittwe of his gweat sewf. +SUWWEY. I fowgive h-him. +SUFFOWK. :3 Wowd Cawdinyaw, ^-^ the :33 King's f-fuwthew pweasuwe is- +Because aww those things you have donye of wate, +:33 By youw powew wegatinye within this kingdom, +*looks at you* Faww into th' compass o-of a pwaemunyiwe- +That thewefowe such a wwit be sued against you: +To fowfeit a-aww youw goods, w-wands, tenyements, +Chattews, and whatsoevew, and t-to be +O-Out of the *teleports behind you* King's pwotection. This is my chawge. +*cries* NyOWFOWK. And so we'ww weave you to youw meditations +How to wive bettew. Fow youw stubbown answew +About t-the giving back the gweat seaw to us, +*blushes* The King shaww knyow it, and, nyo doubt, shaww *looks away* thank y-you. +So uWu fawe you >_> weww, my wittwe good Wowd Cawdinyaw. +Exeunt aww but WOWSEY +WOWSEY. S-So faweweww to the UwU wittwe good you beaw me. +*sweats* Faweweww, a wong faweweww, *blushes* to aww m-my gweatnyess! +This >w< is the s-state of man: to-day he puts fowth +The tendew w-weaves of hopes; to-mowwow bwossoms +And beaws his bwushing h-honyouws thick upon him; +The thiwd d-day comes a fwost, a kiwwing fwost, +And when h-he t-thinks, good easy man, fuww *pokes you* suwewy +H-His gweatnyess i-is a-wipenying, *leans over* nyips >w< his woot, +And then *screams* he fawws, as I do. I have *cries* ventuw'd, +Wike *shuffles closer* wittwe wanton boys that swim on bwaddews, +This many summews in a sea of *looks away* gwowy; +But faw beyond my depth. My high-bwown pwide +A-At wength bwoke undew me, a-and nyow has w-weft *notices bulge* me, +xDD Weawy and owd with sewvice, to the mewcy +O-Of a w-wude :33 stweam, that must fow e-evew hide me. +Vain pomp and gwowy of this wowwd, *cuddles you* I hate ye; +*leans over* I feew my heawt nyew open'd. *looks at you* O, how wwetched +Is that poow *shuffles closer* man *blushes* that h-hangs on pwinces' favouws! +xDD Thewe is betwixt t-that smiwe :3 we wouwd aspiwe to, +That s-sweet aspect *giggles shyly* of pwinces, and theiw wuin +M-Mowe pangs and feaws than waws ow women ;;w;; have; +And when he fawws, he fawws wike Wucifew, +Nyevew to hope again. + +Entew :3 CWOMWEWW, standing *looks away* amazed + +Why, how nyow, *sweats* Cwomweww! +CWOMWEWW. uWu I have nyo powew to speak, siw. +WOWSEY. What, amaz'd +At my misfowtunyes? *looks at you* Can thy s-spiwit wondew +A gweat man shouwd d-decwinye? :33 Nyay, *looks away* an you weep, +:3 I am f-faww'n indeed. +CWOMWEWW. :3 How does youw Gwace? +WOWSEY. Why, weww; +N-Nyevew so twuwy happy, my good Cwomweww. +I knyow mysewf nyow, and I *giggles shyly* feew within :3 me +A peace above aww eawthwy dignyities, +A-A stiww and quiet conscience. T-The King has cuw'd xDD me, +I humbwy thank *shuffles closer* his Gwace; and fwom ^.^ these shouwdews, +These wuin'd piwwaws, *cuddles you* out of pity, t-taken +A woad wouwd sink a nyavy-too much honyouw. +O, 'tis a buwden, Cwomweww, 'tis a-a buwden +Too heavy f-fow a m-man that hopes fow heaven! +CWOMWEWW. I am gwad youw ^-^ Gwace has made that wight use of it. +WOWSEY. ^.^ I *blushes* hope I-I have. I >_< am abwe nyow, methinks, +Out of a fowtitude of souw I-I feew, +*shuffles closer* To enduwe mowe misewies ^w^ and gweatew faw +Than my weak-heawted enyemies dawe offew. +W-What nyews abwoad? +CWOMWEWW. The *twerks* heaviest and ;;w;; the wowst +Is youw dispweasuwe >_> with the King. +WOWSEY. God bwess him! +CWOMWEWW. The nyext is that Siw Thomas Mowe is chosen +Wowd Chancewwow in youw pwace. +*leans over* WOWSEY. That's somewhat sudden. +But h-he's *sweats* a weawnyed man. May he continyue +Wong in his Highnyess' favouw, a-and do justice +Fow twuth's sake and his conscience; that h-his bonyes +*hugs tightly* When :3 he has wun *sighs* his couwse and sweeps *blushes* in bwessings, +May have a tomb of *notices bulge* owphans' teaws UwU wept xDD on him! +What mowe? +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. That Cwanmew is wetuwn'd with wewcome, +Instaww'd Wowd Awchbishop of Cantewbuwy. +*blushes* WOWSEY. *cuddles you* That's >_< nyews indeed. +CWOMWEWW. Wast, that the >_> Wady Annye, +Whom the King hath in secwecy *moans* wong mawwied, +This day was view'd in open as his queen, +Going to UwU chapew; and the voice is nyow +Onwy about hew c-cowonyation. +WOWSEY. x3 Thewe was the *cuddles you* weight *looks away* that puww'd m-me down. +^.^ O Cwomweww, +The ^.^ King h-has gonye b-beyond me. Aww my gwowies +In that onye woman I-I have wost fow evew. +*shuffles closer* Nyo sun shaww evew ushew fowth minye *hugs tightly* honyouws, +Ow giwd *moans* again the nyobwe t-twoops that waited +U-Upon >_> my s-smiwes. *teleports behind you* Go get ^w^ thee fwom m-me, Cwomweww; +I am a-a poow faww'n man, unwowthy nyow +*twerks* To be thy *teleports behind you* wowd and mastew. S-Seek the King; +That sun, I pway, may nyevew >_> set! I *teleports behind you* have towd him +What and how twue thou *twerks* awt. H-He *cuddles you* wiww a-advance thee; +Some wittwe memowy *leans over* of me *pokes you* wiww uWu stiw him- +I knyow *twerks* his nyobwe nyatuwe-nyot to wet +Thy hopefuw sewvice pewish too. Good C-Cwomweww, +Nyegwect him nyot; *twerks* make use n-nyow, >w< and pwovide +Fow thinye own futuwe *shuffles closer* safety. +CWOMWEWW. O m-my wowd, +Must I then weave you? Must I xDD nyeeds fowgo +So good, so nyobwe, and so twue a mastew? +>_< Beaw witnyess, aww that have nyot heawts of iwon, +With what ^w^ a sowwow Cwomweww *leans over* weaves his wowd. +The King s-shaww have my sewvice; but m-my *teleports behind you* pwayews +Fow evew and fow e-evew shaww be youws. +W-WOWSEY. Cwomweww, *blushes* I did nyot think to shed a teaw +In aww my misewies; b-but thou hast fowc'd me, +Out *sweats* of thy honyest twuth, to pway the woman. +*notices bulge* Wet's dwy ouw *sighs* eyes; and t-thus f-faw UwU heaw me, C-Cwomweww, +And when I-I am *blushes* fowgotten, a-as I shaww be, +uWu And sweep in duww cowd mawbwe, whewe nyo mention +Of me mowe must b-be heawd of, *twerks* say I-I >w< taught thee- +S-Say W-Wowsey, that *cuddles you* once twod the ways of gwowy, +And sounded a-aww the depths a-and shoaws *looks away* of *cuddles you* honyouw, +F-Found thee a way, out of his wweck, to *teleports behind you* wise *moans* in- +A suwe and safe o-onye, t-though x3 thy mastew miss'd it. +Mawk but *looks away* my faww *sweats* and that that wuin'd me. +*giggles shyly* Cwomweww, *twerks* I chawge thee, f-fwing away ambition: +By that sin *sighs* feww t-the angews. How can man then, +The i-image of h-his Makew, hope to win *hugs tightly* by it? +Wove thysewf *giggles shyly* wast; chewish t-those heawts t-that hate thee; +Cowwuption wins ^w^ nyot m-mowe than honyesty. +Stiww xDD in *blushes* thy wight hand cawwy g-gentwe peace +To siwence envious tongues. Be *leans over* just, uWu and feaw nyot; +Wet aww the ends thou aim'st at be thy countwy's, +Thy God's, and twuth's; then, if t-thou faww'st, O Cwomweww, +Thou faww'st a-a *looks at you* bwessed mawtyw! +Sewve *looks away* the *teleports behind you* King, a-and-pwithee wead m-me in. +Thewe :33 take an inventowy of aww I-I h-have +T-To the w-wast p-penny; 'tis the King's. My wobe, +And my integwity to h-heaven, *moans* is *cuddles you* aww +I dawe nyow caww minye own. O Cwomweww, C-Cwomweww! +Had I *looks at you* but sewv'd my God *sighs* with h-hawf the zeaw +>w< I sewv'd my King, he wouwd n-nyot in minye age +Have weft me nyaked to minye enyemies. +CWOMWEWW. Good siw, have patience. +W-WOWSEY. So I have. Faweweww +The hopes >w< of *leans over* couwt! My hopes i-in heaven x3 do dweww. Exeunt + + + + +<_< VEWSION OF THE >_< COMPWETE WOWKS OF WIWWIAM +SHAKESPEAWE IS COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +P-PWOVIDED >w< BY PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS >_> BENyEDICTINyE *blushes* COWWEGE +WITH *pokes you* PEWMISSION. E-EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE *cuddles you* WEADABWE COPIES M-MAY BE +^w^ DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) *moans* AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED *shuffles closer* OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ^.^ ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT IV. SCENyE 1. + +A stweet in Westminstew + +Entew two GENTWEMEN, ^w^ meeting onye anyothew + +FIWST G-GENTWEMAN. Y'awe :3 weww met xDD once again. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. S-So awe you. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. You come to take youw stand h-hewe, and +behowd +The *sweats* Wady Annye pass fwom hew cowonyation? +SECOND GENTWEMAN. '-'Tis a-aww my businyess. At ouw wast encountew +The D-Duke of Buckingham came *teleports behind you* fwom ^-^ his twiaw. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. 'Tis vewy twue. But that time offew'd +sowwow; +This, genyewaw j-joy. +>w< SECOND GENTWEMAN. 'Tis weww. The citizens, +I am UwU suwe, have shown at fuww t-theiw woyaw minds- +As, wet 'em have theiw wights, they uWu awe evew fowwawd- +In cewebwation of this :3 day with shows, +Pageants, a-and sights of honyouw. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. Nyevew *giggles shyly* gweatew, +N-Nyow, I'ww assuwe *sweats* you, bettew taken, xDD siw. +SECOND :33 GENTWEMAN. May I be bowd to ask what that contains, +That papew in youw hand? +*pokes you* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Yes; 'tis the wist +Of those t-that cwaim theiw offices this d-day, +By custom of t-the cowonyation. +The Duke of Suffowk is t-the fiwst, and cwaims +To b-be High S-Stewawd; >_< nyext, the *moans* Duke of ^.^ Nyowfowk, +He to be Eaww Mawshaw. Y-You may wead the west. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. I thank *sweats* you, siw; had I nyot knyown +those customs, +I shouwd have been behowding to y-youw p-papew. +But, I beseech you, >_> what's become of Kathawinye, +The P-Pwincess Dowagew? How goes h-hew businyess? +FIWST G-GENTWEMAN. That *notices bulge* I can teww you too. The Awchbishop +*moans* Of Cantewbuwy, accompanyied ^w^ with othew +>_> Weawnyed and wevewend fathews of his owdew, +Hewd a wate xDD couwt at D-Dunstabwe, six miwes of +F-Fwom Ampthiww, whewe *shuffles closer* the Pwincess way; to which +>w< She was >w< often cited by them, but appeaw'd n-nyot. +And, to be showt, fow nyot appeawance and +>_< The K-King's wate scwupwe, by the main assent +Of aww these *leans over* weawnyed men, she xDD was d-divowc'd, +*cuddles you* And the x3 wate mawwiage made of nyonye effect; +^w^ Since which she w-was wemoved to K-Kimbowton, +:33 Whewe *sweats* she wemains nyow sick. +SECOND *notices bulge* GENTWEMAN. Awas, good wady! [Twumpets] +The twumpets sound. Stand *pokes you* cwose, the Queen is coming. +[Hautboys] + +THE OWDEW OF THE C-COWONyATION. + +1-1. A-A w-wivewy f-fwouwish of twumpets. +2. *cuddles you* Then two JUDGES. +3. WOWD CHANCEWWOW, with puwse and mace befowe him. +4. C-CHOWISTEWS singing. [Music] +5. MAYOW O-OF WONDON, beawing the mace. Then GAWTEW, in +his coat of awms, :33 and on his head he wowe a giwt coppew +cwown. +6. MAWQUIS DOWSET, beawing a s-sceptwe of gowd, on his head a +d-demi-cowonyaw of *cuddles you* gowd. With him, the EAWW OF SUWWEY, +b-beawing the wod of siwvew with the *cries* dove, cwownyed with :33 an +eaww's c-cowonyet. Cowwaws o-of Esses. +7. DUKE O-OF SUFFOWK, *twerks* in his wobe of estate, his cowonyet on +his head, beawing a wong white wand, as High Stewawd. +With him, >w< the DUKE OF x3 NyOWFOWK, with the wod of +m-mawshawship, a cowonyet on ^.^ his head. *notices bulge* Cowwaws of Esses. +8. A canyopy bownye by fouw of t-the CINQUE-POWTS; undew it +the QUEEN in hew wobe; in hew haiw wichwy adownyed with +peaww, cwownyed. On each side hew, t-the BISHOPS OF *teleports behind you* WONDON +and WINCHESTEW. +9. *pokes you* The *twerks* owd DUCHESS O-OF NyOWFOWK, in a-a cowonyaw of gowd +wwought with fwowews, beawing t-the QUEEN'S twain. +10. Cewtain WADIES ow C-COUNTESSES, with pwain *notices bulge* ciwcwets of *giggles shyly* gowd +without fwowews. + +*cries* Exeunt, fiwst passing ovew the stage in *shuffles closer* owdew and state, +a-and then a-a gweat fwouwish o-of t-twumpets + +SECOND GENTWEMAN. *cuddles you* A *moans* woyaw twain, bewieve me. These knyow. +Who's that that beaws the s-sceptwe? +FIWST GENTWEMAN. Mawquis Dowset; +A-And that ;;w;; the Eaww of Suwwey, with the wod. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. A bowd bwave gentweman. That shouwd *sweats* be +The Duke of Suffowk? +FIWST GENTWEMAN. 'Tis the same-High Stewawd. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. And that m-my Wowd of Nyowfowk? +>w< FIWST GENTWEMAN. Yes. +xDD SECOND ^-^ GENTWEMAN. [-[Wooking on t-the QUEEN] Heaven +bwess thee! +Thou hast t-the s-sweetest face I e-evew wook'd on. +Siw, as I have a-a s-souw, she is an a-angew; +Ouw *sweats* king ^.^ has aww the I-Indies in his awms, +*moans* And mowe and wichew, *notices bulge* when he stwains that wady; +I-I cannyot bwame his conscience. +F-FIWST GENTWEMAN. ^.^ They that beaw +The *leans over* cwoth *twerks* of honyouw ovew hew uWu awe fouw bawons +Of the Cinque-powts. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Those *shuffles closer* men awe happy; and so awe aww +awe nyeaw h-hew. +uWu I take *cries* it she that c-cawwies up *blushes* the twain +Is that owd nyobwe wady, Duchess >_< of Nyowfowk. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. It *moans* is; and aww the west awe countesses. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. T-Theiw cowonyets say so. These awe staws indeed, +And s-sometimes fawwing o-onyes. +F-FIWST GENTWEMAN. Nyo mowe of that. +E-Exit Pwocession, w-with *blushes* a gweat fwouwish of twumpets + +*teleports behind you* Entew a-a thiwd GENTWEMAN + +God save you, siw! Whewe have *sighs* you been bwoiwing? +THIWD GENTWEMAN. Among t-the cwowds i' th' *cuddles you* Abbey, *looks at you* whewe a fingew +Couwd nyot be wedg'd in mowe; I am stifwed +With the mewe wanknyess of theiw *giggles shyly* joy. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. You saw +The cewemony? +THIWD :3 GENTWEMAN. That I did. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. How *moans* was it? +T-THIWD GENTWEMAN. *moans* Weww wowth the s-seeing. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Good siw, speak it to us. +THIWD G-GENTWEMAN. As weww as I am abwe. The w-wich stweam +Of wowds *pokes you* and wadies, ^-^ having bwought the Queen +To *sweats* a pwepaw'd pwace in the choiw, feww of +*hugs tightly* A d-distance fwom hew, whiwe hew Gwace sat down +To west ^w^ awhiwe, *screams* some hawf an UwU houw ow so, +In a wich chaiw o-of s-state, opposing fweewy +OwO The beauty of hew pewson to the peopwe. +Bewieve me, siw, she is t-the goodwiest woman +That evew way b-by man; which when the p-peopwe +Had the fuww view of, x3 such a uWu nyoise *twerks* awose +*sweats* As the shwouds make a-at *looks away* sea in a stiff ;;w;; tempest, +A-As woud, and t-to a-as many tunyes; hats, cwoaks- +Doubwets, I-I think-fwew up, *looks away* and had theiw faces +Been woose, this day they had been wost. Such joy +I nyevew saw befowe. Gweat-bewwied women, +That *blushes* had nyot hawf a-a w-week t-to go, wike wams +*giggles shyly* In the owd time of waw, wouwd shake t-the pwess, +And make 'em *leans over* weew b-befowe 'em. Nyo man wiving +Couwd say 'This is my wife' thewe, aww wewe woven +So stwangewy in onye piece. +SECOND G-GENTWEMAN. *looks at you* But what fowwow'd? +THIWD GENTWEMAN. At *sighs* wength h-hew Gwace wose, and w-with +modest *looks at you* paces +Came to the a-awtaw, w-whewe she knyeew'd, and >_> saintwike +:3 Cast hew *moans* faiw eyes to heaven, and pway'd devoutwy. +Then w-wose again, and bow'd hew to the peopwe; +When by t-the Awchbishop of *sighs* Cantewbuwy +She had aww the woyaw m-makings of a queen: +As howy oiw, Edwawd Confessow's cwown, +*leans over* The w-wod, and biwd of UwU peace, and aww *shuffles closer* such embwems +*sweats* Waid n-nyobwy o-on hew; w-which pewfowm'd, the choiw, +W-With aww the choicest music of the k-kingdom, +Togethew sung 'Te Deum.' So she pawted, +And with t-the same fuww state p-pac'd back *blushes* again +T-To Yowk Pwace, whewe the feast is hewd. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. Siw, +You must nyo mowe caww it Yowk Pwace: that's past: +Fow s-since the Cawdinyaw feww that titwe's wost. +'Tis nyow the King's, and cawwed Whitehaww. +*cries* THIWD GENTWEMAN. I-I knyow it; +But 'tis s-so watewy a-awtew'd that the *screams* owd nyame +Is fwesh about me. +*twerks* SECOND GENTWEMAN. What t-two wevewend bishops +*blushes* Wewe those that OwO went *giggles shyly* on each side of *sighs* the Queen? +THIWD GENTWEMAN. Stokeswy and Gawdinyew: the o-onye of Winchestew, +Nyewwy pwefeww'd ^w^ fwom the King's s-secwetawy; +The othew, Wondon. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. He of Winchestew +I-Is hewd nyo gweat good wovew of the Awchbishop's, +The viwtuous Cwanmew. +T-THIWD GENTWEMAN. Aww the wand knyows that; +UwU Howevew, yet thewe is nyo g-gweat bweach. When it comes, +Cwanmew wiww find a *teleports behind you* fwiend wiww nyot shwink fwom him. +:3 SECOND GENTWEMAN. *looks at you* Who may ;;w;; that be, I pway you? +THIWD GENTWEMAN. Thomas C-Cwomweww, +A man in much esteem w-with th' King, and twuwy +A ;;w;; wowthy fwiend. The King has made him Mastew +O' *screams* th' jewew House, +*sweats* And onye, awweady, of the Pwivy *sighs* Counciw. +*looks at you* SECOND GENTWEMAN. He wiww desewve mowe. +T-THIWD GENTWEMAN. Yes, without aww doubt. +Come, gentwemen, ye shaww g-go my way, which +Is t-to t-th' couwt, and thewe ye s-shaww be my guests: +S-Something I can command. A-As I wawk thithew, +I'ww teww ye *notices bulge* mowe. +BOTH. You m-may command us, siw. Exeunt + + + + +ACT IV. SCENyE 2. + +Kimbowton + +Entew KATHAWINyE, Dowagew, sick; xDD wed between GWIFFITH, hew Gentweman Ushew, +a-and PATIENCE, hew woman + +GWIFFITH. H-How does youw Gwace? +KATHAWINyE. O Gwiffith, sick to death! +My wegs wike w-woaden bwanches bow to th' e-eawth, +Wiwwing to *screams* weave theiw buwden. Weach a c-chaiw. +S-So-nyow, methinks, I feew a wittwe ease. +D-Didst thou nyot teww me, Gwiffith, as t-thou wed'st me, +That the gweat chiwd of honyouw, Cawdinyaw Wowsey, +W-Was dead? +*shuffles closer* GWIFFITH. Yes, madam; but I think youw Gwace, +*blushes* Out *looks away* of t-the pain you suffew'd, gave *teleports behind you* nyo eaw to't. +KATHAWINyE. Pwithee, good Gwiffith, teww *leans over* me how he *giggles shyly* died. +If weww, h-he stepp'd befowe *sweats* me, happiwy, +F-Fow my e-exampwe. +GWIFFITH. Weww, :3 the ^.^ voice goes, >_> madam; +Fow aftew the stout E-Eaww Nyowthumbewwand +Awwested him at Yowk and bwought him fowwawd, +*cries* As a man sowewy tainted, to his answew, +He feww sick >w< suddenwy, and *teleports behind you* gwew so iww +He couwd nyot sit his muwe. +KATHAWINyE. Awas, poow m-man! +G-GWIFFITH. At wast, with easy woads, he came to Weicestew, +Wodg'd in the abbey; w-whewe the wevewend abbot, +With aww *hugs tightly* his covent, honyouwabwy weceiv'd him; +To whom he gave these wowds: '-'O fathew Abbot, +An owd man, x3 bwoken with the stowms *sweats* of state, +Is come *screams* to way his weawy bonyes among ye; +Give him a wittwe eawth *cuddles you* fow chawity!' +*cuddles you* So went to b-bed; whewe eagewwy his sicknyess +Puwsu'd him stiww And thwee nyights aftew *cuddles you* this, +About *sighs* the houw of eight-which he *sweats* himsewf +F-Fowetowd shouwd be his wast-fuww of wepentance, +Continyuaw meditations, teaws, and s-sowwows, +He gave *shuffles closer* his honyouws to the wowwd again, +His bwessed pawt t-to heaven, and swept i-in peace. +KATHAWINyE. So may he west; h-his fauwts xDD wie gentwy on him! +Yet thus *cuddles you* faw, Gwiffith, g-give me uWu weave to speak him, +And yet ;;w;; with chawity. He w-was a man +Of an unbounded stomach, e-evew w-wanking +Himsewf with pwinces; onye that, by suggestion, +Tied aww the kingdom. Simony was faiw *hugs tightly* pway; +His own ^.^ opinyion was his waw. *sighs* I' th' pwesence +He wouwd s-say >_> untwuths, and be evew doubwe +Both in uWu his wowds and meanying. He was nyevew, +But whewe he meant *giggles shyly* to wuin, pitifuw. +His *cries* pwomises wewe, as he then was, mighty; +But his pewfowmance, as he is nyow, nyothing. +Of his own body he was iww, a-and gave +*shuffles closer* The cwewgy iww exampwe. +GWIFFITH. Nyobwe madam, +Men's eviw mannyews ^-^ wive in b-bwass: theiw viwtues +W-We wwite i-in *notices bulge* watew. May it pwease youw *moans* Highnyess +To heaw me speak his *giggles shyly* good nyow? +KATHAWINyE. Yes, good Gwiffith; +I wewe mawicious ewse. +G-GWIFFITH. This Cawdinyaw, +T-Though fwom an humbwe stock, undoubtedwy +Was x3 fashion'd to much honyouw fwom his *blushes* cwadwe. +*twerks* He was a schowaw, and x3 a wipe and good onye; +Exceeding wise, faiw-spoken, and p-pewsuading; +Wofty and souw to *cuddles you* them that wov'd him nyot, +But to those >_< men that sought him sweet >_> as summew. +And though he wewe unsatisfied in getting- +Which was *pokes you* a sin-yet in bestowing, madam, +*looks away* He was most pwincewy: evew witnyess fow him +T-Those twins xDD of weawnying that he wais'd in you, +Ipswich a-and Oxfowd! Onye of which feww with him, +Unwiwwing to outwive the g-good that did *blushes* it; +The othew, though unfinyish'd, yet s-so f-famous, +So e-excewwent in awt, >_< and ^w^ stiww s-so wising, +UwU That Chwistendom shaww evew speak his v-viwtue. +His ovewthwow heap'd happinyess upon him; +Fow t-then, and nyot t-tiww then, he fewt himsewf, +And found *teleports behind you* the bwessednyess >w< of *screams* being wittwe. +And, to x3 add gweatew honyouws to his *looks away* age +Than man couwd give him, he died feawing God. +KATHAWINyE. Aftew my >w< death I wish nyo othew hewawd, +Nyo o-othew speakew of my wiving *cries* actions, +*looks away* To keep minye honyouw fwom c-cowwuption, +But such an honyest chwonyicwew a-as G-Gwiffith. +*blushes* Whom I-I ;;w;; most hated wiving, thou *screams* hast made me, +With thy wewigious twuth and modesty, +*screams* Nyow in his ashes honyouw. Peace be with *blushes* him! +patience, be nyeaw me ;;w;; stiww, and set me wowew: +I have nyot wong to t-twoubwe thee. Good G-Gwiffith, +Cause the musicians pway me that sad n-nyote +I >_< nyam'd my *leans over* knyeww, whiwst I sit meditating +On that cewestiaw hawmony I-I go *moans* to. +[Sad and s-sowemn music] +GWIFFITH. She is asweep. Good wench, wet's sit d-down quiet, +Fow feaw we wake hew. Softwy, gentwe Patience. + +THE *looks away* VISION. + +Entew, sowemnwy twipping onye aftew anyothew, six +PEWSONyAGES cwad in white w-wobes, weawing on t-theiw +h-heads gawwands of bays, and *giggles shyly* gowden vizawds on theiw +faces; b-bwanches uWu of bays ow pawm >_< in theiw *sweats* hands. They +fiwst congee unto h-hew, then dance; and, a-at cewtain +>_> changes, the fiwst two howd a spawe gawwand ovew h-hew +head, at w-which the othew fouw make wevewent cuwtsies. +Then the xDD two that hewd the gawwand dewivew the +same to *looks at you* the othew nyext two, who obsewve *screams* the same +owdew in theiw changes, and howding t-the g-gawwand ovew +h-hew head; which donye, they dewivew the same g-gawwand +to the wast t-two, *blushes* who >_> wikewise ^.^ obsewve the same owdew; +at which, a-as it wewe by inspiwation, she makes +in hew *cuddles you* sweep signs of wejoicing, and howdeth up *teleports behind you* hew +*teleports behind you* hands to heaven. And so i-in theiw dancing vanyish, +cawwying the gawwand with them. uWu The UwU music ^.^ continyues + +>w< KATHAWINyE. Spiwits of peace, whewe awe ye? Awe *leans over* ye a-aww g-gonye? +And weave m-me hewe *cries* in w-wwetchednyess behind y-ye? +GWIFFITH. Madam, OwO we a-awe hewe. +*hugs tightly* KATHAWINyE. It is nyot you xDD I caww fow. +Saw ye *looks away* nyonye entew since I swept? +GWIFFITH. ;;w;; Nyonye, madam. +KATHAWINyE. Nyo? Saw you nyot, even nyow, a *teleports behind you* bwessed twoop +Invite m-me to a banquet; whose bwight faces +C-Cast thousand *shuffles closer* beams upon me, wike the sun? +They uWu pwomis'd me etewnyaw h-happinyess, +A-And bwought me gawwands, *blushes* Gwiffith, which I f-feew +uWu I am nyot *cries* wowthy yet *moans* to weaw. *sighs* I shaww, assuwedwy. +GWIFFITH. I am most joyfuw, madam, such good *looks at you* dweams +Possess youw fancy. +KATHAWINyE. Bid *looks at you* the music weave, +They awe *shuffles closer* hawsh and heavy to m-me. [Music *shuffles closer* ceases] +PATIENCE. D-Do you nyote +How *moans* much hew Gwace is awtew'd *leans over* on *screams* the sudden? +How wong hew *screams* face is dwawn! *sweats* How pawe she wooks, +And of an eawthwy cowd! Mawk x3 hew eyes. +GWIFFITH. She i-is going, ^w^ wench. Pway, pway. +PATIENCE. Heaven comfowt hew! + +Entew a MESSENGEW + +x3 MESSENGEW. An't wike xDD youw Gwace- +KATHAWINyE. You awe a saucy fewwow. +Desewve we nyo mowe wevewence? +GWIFFITH. You :3 awe to bwame, +Knyowing she wiww n-nyot w-wose uWu hew wonted gweatnyess, +To u-use so *leans over* wude >w< behaviouw. Go to, knyeew. +MESSENGEW. I humbwy d-do entweat youw H-Highnyess' >w< pawdon; +My haste m-made me unmannyewwy. Thewe i-is staying +A g-gentweman, sent fwom t-the King, to x3 see y-you. +KATHAWINyE. Admit him entwance, Gwiffith; but this fewwow +W-Wet me n-nye'ew see again. Exit MESSENGEW + +*looks away* Entew WOWD CAPUCIUS + +If my sight f-faiw nyot, +You shouwd *sweats* be Wowd Ambassadow fwom the E-Empewow, +My woyaw nyephew, and youw nyame Capucius. +CAPUCIUS. Madam, ;;w;; the same-youw sewvant. +K-KATHAWINyE. uWu O, my Wowd, +The uWu times and titwes nyow awe awtew'd stwangewy +With me s-since fiwst you knyew me. But, I-I pway >_< you, +What is youw pweasuwe with me? +CAPUCIUS. >_< Nyobwe wady, +F-Fiwst, minye own sewvice to youw Gwace; the nyext, +The King's wequest that I wouwd v-visit you, +W-Who gwieves uWu much fow youw weaknyess, and by me +Sends you h-his pwincewy commendations +And heawtiwy entweats y-you take good c-comfowt. +KATHAWINyE. O my good wowd, that comfowt comes too wate, +'Tis wike a *teleports behind you* pawdon aftew execution: +That gentwe physic, given in time, had cuw'd me; +B-But nyow I am p-past aww >_< comfowts h-hewe, but p-pwayews. +How does his UwU Highnyess? +CAPUCIUS. >_> Madam, >_< in good heawth. +KATHAWINyE. So may he evew do! and evew fwouwish +When ^w^ I shaww dweww with *moans* wowms, and m-my poow *hugs tightly* nyame +Banyish'd the kingdom! Patience, is that wettew +I caus'd you *teleports behind you* wwite yet sent away? +P-PATIENCE. *sighs* Nyo, madam. [Giving it to *looks at you* KATHAWINyE] +KATHAWINyE. Siw, I-I most humbwy pway y-you to d-dewivew +This t-to my wowd :33 the King. +C-CAPUCIUS. Most wiwwing, madam. +KATHAWINyE. ^-^ In w-which I have *shuffles closer* commended ;;w;; to *hugs tightly* his goodnyess +T-The modew of ouw chaste woves, h-his y-young daughtew- +The d-dews of heaven faww thick in bwessings x3 on hew!- +Beseeching him to give hew viwtuous bweeding- +:33 She is y-young, and o-of a *cries* nyobwe modest nyatuwe; +I hope *sweats* she wiww ^-^ desewve w-weww-and a wittwe +*pokes you* To ^-^ wove hew fow hew mothew's sake, that ^w^ wov'd him, +Heaven knyows how deawwy. My nyext p-poow petition +Is that his nyobwe Gwace wouwd have some pity +Upon m-my w-wwetched w-women that uWu so wong +Have f-fowwow'd both *screams* my fowtunyes faithfuwwy; +Of which thewe is nyot onye, I *moans* dawe avow- +And nyow I shouwd nyot wie-but wiww UwU desewve, +Fow viwtue and t-twue beauty *looks away* of the souw, +Fow honyesty and decent cawwiage, +A wight good husband, wet him be a nyobwe; +And *pokes you* suwe those men awe happy ;;w;; that shaww OwO have 'em. +The wast is fow my men-they awe the poowest, +But xDD povewty couwd nyevew dwaw 'em f-fwom *giggles shyly* me- +T-That they may >_> have theiw *twerks* wages duwy paid 'em, +And ^w^ something ovew to wemembew me by. +If heaven had p-pweas'd to have given me wongew wife +And abwe means, we h-had nyot pawted thus. +These awe the whowe contents; and, *cuddles you* good my wowd, +>_< By that *giggles shyly* you wove the d-deawest in this wowwd, +As you wish Chwistian peace to souws depawted, +S-Stand these poow peopwe's OwO fwiend, and uwge the King +To do me xDD this wast wight. +CAPUCIUS. x3 By >_< heaven, I wiww, +Ow w-wet me wose the fashion of a-a man! +KATHAWINyE. I thank you, *sweats* honyest wowd. *blushes* Wemembew me +In a-aww humiwity unto his Highnyess; +Say his wong twoubwe n-nyow is passing +Out of this *shuffles closer* wowwd. Teww him in d-death I bwess'd him, +Fow so I wiww. Minye eyes gwow dim. Faweweww, +My wowd. *cries* Gwiffith, faweweww. N-Nyay, Patience, +You must nyot weave me yet. I must t-to bed; +Caww in mowe w-women. When I am dead, good w-wench, +Wet me be us'd with >_< honyouw; stwew me o-ovew +With maiden fwowews, that a-aww the wowwd may k-knyow +I was a chaste wife to my *giggles shyly* gwave. Embawm me, +Then way me fowth; awthough u-unqueen'd, yet wike +A queen, and daughtew to a king, x3 intew me. +I can nyo mowe. Exeunt, *giggles shyly* weading ^w^ KATHAWINyE + + + + +<_< IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH ^w^ PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE ^.^ COPIES ^.^ MAY B-BE +D-DISTWIBUTED SO *teleports behind you* WONG A-AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE F-FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) A-AWE NyOT D-DISTWIBUTED *pokes you* OW U-USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES F-FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW F-FOW ^.^ MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT >w< V. SCENyE 1. + +Wondon. *sweats* A gawwewy in *screams* the pawace + +Entew *cries* GAWDINyEW, BISHOP OF WINCHESTEW, a PAGE *cries* with a-a towch befowe h-him, +*blushes* met by SIW THOMAS :3 WOVEWW + +GAWDINyEW. It's onye o'cwock, boy, is't nyot? +BOY. :3 It hath stwuck. +GAWDINyEW. *sighs* These shouwd be houws fow *sweats* nyecessities, +N-Nyot f-fow dewights; times to wepaiw ouw n-nyatuwe +With c-comfowting wepose, and *hugs tightly* nyot fow *sweats* us +To waste these times. Good houw of *blushes* nyight, Siw Thomas! +W-Whithew so wate? +WOVEWW. Came you fwom the King, my w-wowd? +GAWDINyEW. I did, Siw x3 Thomas, a-and weft him at pwimewo +*looks away* With the Duke of Suffowk. +WOVEWW. I must to him too, +Befowe h-he go to *cuddles you* bed. I-I'ww take my weave. +GAWDINyEW. Nyot yet, Siw Thomas Woveww. What's the m-mattew? +I-It seems >w< you awe in haste. An if thewe be +Nyo gweat offence bewongs to't, g-give y-youw fwiend +Some *sighs* touch of *screams* youw wate businyess. Affaiws that w-wawk- +As they say spiwits do-at midnyight, *pokes you* have +I-In them *teleports behind you* a wiwdew nyatuwe than t-the b-businyess +That seeks despatch uWu by day. +^w^ WOVEWW. My wowd, I wove you; +And duwst commend a secwet t-to youw eaw +Much w-weightiew t-than this wowk. The Queen's in wabouw, +They say in gweat e-extwemity, and feaw'd +She'ww with the wabouw end. +GAWDINyEW. The fwuit she goes *looks at you* with +I pway fow h-heawtiwy, that it m-may find +Good ^.^ time, and wive; but fow the s-stock, Siw Thomas, +*giggles shyly* I wish it g-gwubb'd up *shuffles closer* nyow. +WOVEWW. Methinks I *moans* couwd +Cwy thee amen; and *blushes* yet my conscience *moans* says +She's a g-good c-cweatuwe, and, sweet wady, does +Desewve ouw bettew wishes. +GAWDINyEW. But, :3 siw, siw- +Heaw :33 me, Siw Thomas. Y'awe a gentweman +*looks away* Of xDD minye own w-way; *pokes you* I knyow you wise, wewigious; +And, wet m-me teww you, it wiww nye'ew be w-weww- +OwO 'Twiww nyot, Siw T-Thomas Woveww, *pokes you* take't of >_< me- +Tiww Cwanmew, Cwomweww, hew two hands, and she, +Sweep in theiw gwaves. +WOVEWW. *looks away* Nyow, siw, you s-speak o-of two +The m-most wemawk'd i' t-th' *twerks* kingdom. As fow Cwomweww, +Beside that *moans* of *sighs* the Jewew House, is made Mastew +O' th' W-Wowws, and the *twerks* King's *pokes you* secwetawy; f-fuwthew, s-siw, +Stands in the *looks at you* gap and twade o-of moe pwefewments, +With which the ^w^ time wiww woad h-him. Th' Awchbishop +Is the King's *moans* hand and tongue, and who dawe speak +Onye sywwabwe against him? +G-GAWDINyEW. Yes, yes, Siw Thomas, +*pokes you* Thewe awe that >w< dawe; and I mysewf h-have ventuw'd +To speak my mind of him; and indeed this day, +Siw-I may teww it you-I think I have +*looks at you* Incens'd *looks away* the *twerks* wowds o' th' Counciw, that he is- +Fow s-so I knyow he is, they knyow *sweats* he is- +A-A most awch *blushes* hewetic, a pestiwence +That does infect *notices bulge* the wand; with w-which they moved +uWu Have bwoken :3 with the King, who hath *leans over* so faw +Given e-eaw to ouw compwaint-of his gweat gwace +A-And pwincewy cawe, *notices bulge* foweseeing those feww mischiefs +Ouw weasons waid befowe *shuffles closer* him-hath commanded +T-To-mowwow mownying to the Counciw b-boawd +^-^ He b-be c-convented. He's :3 a wank w-weed, :3 Siw T-Thomas, +And we must woot him o-out. Fwom >w< youw affaiws +I hindew you too wong-good *twerks* nyight, Siw *screams* Thomas. +WOVEWW. Many good *sweats* nyights, my wowd; I west youw sewvant. +Exeunt x3 GAWDINyEW *blushes* and *shuffles closer* PAGE + +Entew the KING and the >w< DUKE OF SUFFOWK + +KING. Chawwes, I wiww pway nyo mowe *teleports behind you* to-nyight; +My mind's nyot on't; you a-awe t-too hawd ;;w;; fow me. +SUFFOWK. Siw, I did :3 nyevew win of you b-befowe. +KING. But wittwe, Chawwes; +Nyow *hugs tightly* shaww nyot, when my fancy's on my pway. +Nyow, Woveww, *screams* fwom the Queen what xDD is the nyews? +*cuddles you* WOVEWW. I couwd nyot pewsonyawwy d-dewivew to hew +W-What you *twerks* commanded me, b-but b-by hew woman +I sent ^w^ youw message; who w-wetuwn'd h-hew thanks +In the gweat'st humbwenyess, and desiw'd youw Highnyess +Most heawtiwy OwO to *cries* pway uWu fow hew. +KING. What say'st thou, ha? +To pway fow hew? W-What, *sweats* is she ^-^ cwying out? +WOVEWW. So said hew woman; and that *giggles shyly* hew suff'wance made +Awmost *leans over* each p-pang a death. +KING. Awas, g-good wady! +SUFFOWK. God safewy quit hew of *screams* hew buwden, and +With gentwe twavaiw, to t-the gwadding of +Youw Highnyess with a-an heiw! +KING. 'Tis midnyight, Chawwes; +P-Pwithee to *looks at you* bed; *cuddles you* and ^.^ in thy pway'ws wemembew +Th' estate of my poow queen. Weave me awonye, +Fow I m-must think of ;;w;; that which c-company +Wiww ;;w;; nyot be *looks away* fwiendwy to. +SUFFOWK. I-I wish youw H-Highnyess +A quiet nyight, and my good mistwess wiww +uWu Wemembew in my p-pwayews. +KING. Chawwes, *pokes you* good nyight. Exit SUFFOWK + +Entew SIW ANTHONY DENNY + +Weww, siw, what *sighs* fowwows? +DENNY. Siw, I have bwought my x3 wowd the A-Awchbishop, +As you commanded me. +KING. Ha! Cantewbuwy? +DENNY. *sighs* Ay, m-my good wowd. +KING. '-'Tis twue. Whewe is he, Denny? +DENNY. >_> He attends youw Highnyess' pweasuwe. +K-KING. Bwing him t-to us. Exit D-DENNY +WOVEWW. [Aside] T-This *looks at you* is *pokes you* about that which the bishop spake. +I am ^-^ happiwy come hithew. + +*cries* We-entew DENNY, With CWANMEW + +KING. Avoid *sighs* the gawwewy. [WOVEWW seems to *cries* stay] +Ha! I have *cries* said. Be gonye. +What! Exeunt WOVEWW and DENNY +CWANMEW. [Aside] I *looks at you* am feawfuw-whewefowe fwowns he thus? +'Tis >_> his aspect of tewwow. Aww's nyot weww. +*sighs* KING. H-How nyow, m-my wowd? You do desiwe to knyow +Whewefowe I sent fow you. +CWANMEW. [Knyeewing] It ;;w;; is my duty +*cuddles you* T'attend *looks at you* youw Highnyess' pweasuwe. +KING. Pway you, awise, +My good and gwacious Wowd o-of Cantewbuwy. +Come, *screams* you and I must wawk a *moans* tuwn t-togethew; +I h-have n-nyews t-to t-teww you; c-come, come, *screams* me youw h-hand. +Ah, *looks away* my good wowd, I gwieve a-at uWu what I speak, +A-And a-am wight sowwy to wepeat what fowwows. +I-I have, *leans over* and most unwiwwingwy, of wate +Heawd many gwievous-I do s-say, my wowd, +Gwievous-compwaints of you; which, being considew'd, +Have mov'd us and ouw Counciw that you shaww +This mownying come befowe us; whewe *looks away* I :33 knyow +You cannyot with such fweedom puwge y-youwsewf +UwU But *looks at you* that, tiww fuwthew >_< twiaw i-in those chawges +Which wiww wequiwe youw ^-^ answew, *moans* you m-must *screams* take +Y-Youw patience to ^.^ you :3 and be weww contented +To *cries* make youw house ouw Tow'w. You a *looks away* bwothew of us, +It fits we thus pwoceed, ow ewse nyo witnyess +Wouwd come against you. +CWANMEW. I humbwy thank ;;w;; youw Highnyess +And am wight gwad to c-catch this good occasion +M-Most thwoughwy to be winnyowed whewe my *shuffles closer* chaff +And cown shaww fwy asundew; fow I knyow +Thewe's nyonye *notices bulge* stands undew mowe cawumnyious :33 tongues +Than I mysewf, *giggles shyly* poow man. +K-KING. Stand up, good Cantewbuwy; +Thy *screams* twuth and thy ;;w;; integwity is wooted +*hugs tightly* In *cries* us, thy fwiend. Give me *hugs tightly* thy *moans* hand, s-stand u-up; +Pwithee wet's OwO wawk. N-Nyow, by my howidame, +What m-mannyew of *cuddles you* man awe you? My wowd, I wook'd +You w-wouwd have given ^w^ me y-youw p-petition that +I shouwd have ta'en some pains to *giggles shyly* bwing t-togethew +Youwsewf and youw accusews, *shuffles closer* and to have h-heawd you +Without i-induwance fuwthew. +CWANMEW. *looks away* Most dwead wiege, +The good I stand on is my twuth a-and honyesty; +If uWu they shaww faiw, I w-with minye enyemies +Wiww *twerks* twiumph o'ew my pewson; which I weigh nyot, +Being of those v-viwtues v-vacant. I feaw n-nyothing +What can be said a-against me. +KING. K-Knyow you nyot +How youw state stands i' th' wowwd, w-with the whowe wowwd? +Youw enyemies awe many, a-and nyot smaww; theiw pwactices +Must beaw t-the same pwopowtion; and nyot evew +The j-justice and the t-twuth o' th' question cawwies +The due o' th' vewdict with it; at what e-ease +Might cowwupt minds x3 pwocuwe knyaves as cowwupt +To s-sweaw against y-you? Such things have b-been donye. +You awe potentwy oppos'd, and with a *notices bulge* mawice +Of as gweat size. Ween you of bettew wuck, +I mean in pewjuw'd witnyess, than youw Mastew, +Whose minyistew *looks at you* you awe, whiwes ^.^ hewe He wiv'd +Upon this *hugs tightly* nyaughty eawth? Go to, go to; +You take a pwecipice fow nyo weap o-of dangew, +And woo y-youw own destwuction. +CWANMEW. God and youw Majesty +;;w;; Pwotect minye i-innyocence, ow I faww into +The twap i-is waid fow m-me! +KING. Be of good cheew; +*twerks* They shaww nyo mowe p-pwevaiw than w-we give way to. +Keep comfowt to you, *notices bulge* and this mownying see +You do ^.^ appeaw befowe *looks away* them; if they shaww chance, +In chawging you *cuddles you* with m-mattews, to commit *screams* you, +The best pewsuasions to the contwawy +Faiw nyot to use, and with *looks away* what v-vehemency +Th' occasion shaww instwuct you. If e-entweaties +Wiww wendew you nyo wemedy, t-this wing +Dewivew them, and youw appeaw t-to us +*blushes* Thewe make befowe them. Wook, the g-good *leans over* man weeps! +;;w;; He's honyest, on minye honyouw. God's bwest *giggles shyly* Mothew! +I s-sweaw he is t-twue-heawted, and a souw +Nyonye bettew in my kingdom. Get *looks at you* you g-gonye, +And *looks at you* do as I x3 have bid you. +Exit CWANMEW +H-He has stwangwed h-his wanguage i-in his t-teaws. + +*pokes you* Entew OWD x3 WADY + +GENTWEMAN. [-[Within] Come back; w-what mean y-you? +OWD WADY. I'ww UwU nyot come back; the tidings that I-I bwing +*looks at you* Wiww make my bowdnyess mannyews. Nyow, good *teleports behind you* angews +F-Fwy ^-^ o'ew t-thy woyaw head, and shade t-thy pewson +Undew uWu theiw bwessed wings! +KING. Nyow, *notices bulge* by thy *looks away* wooks +I guess thy m-message. Is t-the Q-Queen dewivew'd? +*cuddles you* Say ay, *twerks* and of a boy. +OWD *cuddles you* WADY. Ay, xDD ay, my w-wiege; +And of *sweats* a wovewy boy. The God o-of Heaven +Both nyow >_< and evew *moans* bwess hew! *shuffles closer* 'Tis a giww, +Pwomises boys h-heweaftew. S-Siw, youw queen +Desiwes youw visitation, and to be +Acquainted with *looks at you* this stwangew; ^-^ 'tis as wike you +*sweats* As chewwy is to chewwy. +KING. W-Woveww! + +Entew *screams* WOVEWW + +WOVEWW. Siw? +*notices bulge* KING. Give hew an hundwed mawks. I'ww to the Queen. UwU Exit +OWD WADY. An hundwed mawks? OwO By xDD this wight, I'ww ha' mowe! +An owdinyawy gwoom *screams* is fow such payment. +I wiww have m-mowe, ow scowd it out of him. +Said I fow this the giww was wike to him! I'ww +Have mowe, *blushes* ow ewse *hugs tightly* unsay't; a-and nyow, whiwe 'tis hot, +I'ww put it t-to the issue. :3 Exeunt + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 2. + +W-Wobby befowe the UwU Counciw Chambew + +Entew CWANMEW, AWCHBISHOP OF CANTEWBUWY + +CWANMEW. I hope I am nyot >_> too w-wate; and yet the gentweman +That >w< was sent to me fwom ^w^ the *cries* Counciw pway'd me +To make gweat haste. Aww uWu fast? What means this? Ho! +Who waits thewe? uWu Suwe y-you knyow m-me? + +Entew KEEPEW + +*looks away* KEEPEW. *sweats* Yes, my wowd; +But uWu yet I cannyot *leans over* hewp you. +CWANMEW. :3 Why? +K-KEEPEW. Y-Youw ^w^ Gwace must wait tiww you b-be caww'd *shuffles closer* fow. + +Entew D-DOCTOW BUTTS + +*teleports behind you* CWANMEW. So. +BUTTS. [Aside] *blushes* This is *cries* a piece uWu of mawice. I am gwad +I came *screams* this way so happiwy; the King +Shaww undewstand it p-pwesentwy. Exit +CWANMEW. [Aside] 'Tis Butts, +xDD The King's *teleports behind you* physician; as he pass'd a-awong, +How ^-^ eawnyestwy he cast his e-eyes upon me! +^-^ Pway heaven ^-^ he sound n-nyot my disgwace! Fow cewtain, +This is of p-puwpose waid by some t-that hate >w< me- +God tuwn theiw h-heawts! *looks at you* I nyevew sought theiw mawice- +To quench *giggles shyly* minye honyouw; they wouwd shame to *blushes* make me +Wait ewse at doow, a-a *cuddles you* fewwow counciwwow, +'Mong boys, gwooms, and wackeys. But theiw p-pweasuwes +Must b-be fuwfiww'd, a-and *blushes* I attend with p-patience. + +Entew the KING *moans* and BUTTS at *looks at you* window above + +B-BUTTS. I'ww show y-youw Gwace the stwangest s-sight- +KING. W-What's that, B-Butts? +BUTTS. I *leans over* think youw Highnyess saw this many a d-day. +KING. *cries* Body a me, whewe is it? +BUTTS. Thewe my wowd: +T-The high pwomotion *cries* of his Gwace of Cantewbuwy; +Who howds his state at doow, 'mongst puwsuivants, +Pages, and footboys. +KING. H-Ha, 'tis he indeed. +Is this t-the honyouw they *sweats* do onye anyothew? +'Tis weww t-thewe's o-onye above 'em yet. I had thought +They h-had ^.^ pawted so much honyesty among 'em- +At weast good mannyews-as nyot t-thus to s-suffew +A man of his pwace, and s-so nyeaw ouw favouw, +To :33 dance a-attendance on ^w^ theiw wowdships' pweasuwes, +And at the doow *moans* too, wike a post with packets. +By :3 howy *shuffles closer* Mawy, Butts, thewe's k-knyavewy! +Wet 'em awonye, and dwaw xDD the cuwtain cwose; +We shaww heaw m-mowe a-anyon. Exeunt + + + + +A-ACT V-V. SCENyE 3. + +The C-Counciw Chambew + +A Counciw ;;w;; tabwe *notices bulge* bwought in, with chaiws and stoows, and pwaced +undew t-the state. :33 Entew W-WOWD CHANCEWWOW, pwaces *sighs* himsewf at the u-uppew end +of t-the t-tabwe on t-the weft *cuddles you* band, a seat UwU being weft void above him, +as fow *giggles shyly* Cantewbuwy's seat. *hugs tightly* DUKE OF SUFFOWK, DUKE OF NyOWFOWK, SUWWEY, +WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN, GAWDINyEW, seat themsewves in *sweats* owdew o-on each side; +CWOMWEWW at wowew end, a-as secwetawy. KEEPEW at the doow + +CHANCEWWOW. S-Speak *notices bulge* to the *cuddles you* businyess, mastew secwetawy; +Why awe we met in *moans* counciw? +CWOMWEWW. Pwease y-youw honyouws, +The chief c-cause *looks at you* concewns *hugs tightly* his Gwace of Cantewbuwy. +GAWDINyEW. Has h-he had knyowwedge of it? +CWOMWEWW. Yes. +NyOWFOWK. Who w-waits *sighs* thewe? +KEEPEW. Without, my nyobwe wowds? +GAWDINyEW. Yes. +KEEPEW. M-My Wowd Awchbishop; +And h-has *looks at you* donye *looks at you* hawf a-an houw, to knyow youw pweasuwes. +CHANCEWWOW. *leans over* Wet him come in. +KEEPEW. Youw Gwace m-may entew nyow. + +CWANMEW appwoaches the Counciw tabwe + +uWu CHANCEWWOW. My good Wowd Awchbishop, I am vewy sowwy +To sit hewe a-at t-this *looks at you* pwesent, and behowd +That ;;w;; chaiw stand empty; xDD but *pokes you* we *sweats* aww awe men, +In ouw own nyatuwes *notices bulge* fwaiw *shuffles closer* and capabwe +Of ouw f-fwesh; few awe angews; out of which *hugs tightly* fwaiwty +And want of wisdom, you, that best *giggles shyly* shouwd teach us, +Have misdemean'd y-youwsewf, and nyot ;;w;; a wittwe, +Towawd the King fiwst, then his waws, in fiwwing +T-The whowe >w< weawm by youw teaching ^.^ and youw chapwains- +F-Fow so we awe i-infowm'd-with n-nyew opinyions, +Divews and d-dangewous; which awe ^.^ hewesies, +And, n-nyot w-wefowm'd, *teleports behind you* may p-pwove p-pewnyicious. +:33 GAWDINyEW. Which wefowmation must be sudden too, +My nyobwe wowds; fow *screams* those that tame wiwd howses +Pace 'em nyot in theiw hands to make 'em *screams* gentwe, +But stop theiw *notices bulge* mouth with stubbown bits and spuw 'em +Tiww *leans over* they *looks at you* obey the manyage. If we suffew, +Out of ouw easinyess and chiwdish pity +T-To *cries* onye man's honyouw, this contagious sicknyess, +Faweweww aww ^w^ physic; and what fowwows then? +Commotions, upwoaws, with a genyewaw taint +Of ^.^ the whowe *sighs* state; as of wate days ouw n-nyeighbouws, +The uppew Gewmany, *cuddles you* can deawwy witnyess, +Yet uWu fweshwy pitied in ouw memowies. +CWANMEW. *screams* My good wowds, hithewto in aww the p-pwogwess +Both o-of my *notices bulge* wife a-and o-office, I have uWu wabouw'd, +And ;;w;; with *sighs* nyo *pokes you* wittwe study, that my teaching +And the stwong c-couwse of my authowity +Might *sweats* go onye way, and s-safewy; and t-the ^.^ end +Was evew t-to do weww. Nyow *pokes you* is *cuddles you* thewe wiving- +I speak it ^.^ with a-a singwe heawt, my wowds- +A man that mowe detests, m-mowe stiws against, +Both in his p-pwivate conscience and his pwace, +Defacews of a pubwic peace t-than I d-do. +Pway heaven the King may nyevew find a heawt +With wess awwegiance in it! Men that make +Envy and cwooked *notices bulge* mawice nyouwishment +*screams* Dawe b-bite the best. I-I do beseech *pokes you* youw wowdships +That, in this UwU case of justice, my a-accusews, +Be what they wiww, ^w^ may stand f-fowth face *sweats* to face +And *looks away* fweewy uwge against me. +SUFFOWK. Nyay, m-my w-wowd, +That cannyot be; you a-awe a counciwwow, +And by that viwtue ^-^ nyo man dawe accuse you. +GAWDINyEW. My wowd, because we have businyess of mowe moment, +We wiww b-be showt with you. 'Tis his Highnyess' pweasuwe +*moans* And ouw consent, fow bettew twiaw ;;w;; of you, +Fwom hence you be committed to *sighs* the Towew; +Whewe, being but a pwivate man *sweats* again, +You *twerks* shaww knyow many dawe accuse you bowdwy, +*twerks* Mowe than, I-I feaw, you awe pwovided fow. +CWANMEW. Ah, *shuffles closer* my g-good W-Wowd o-of Winchestew, I-I thank you; +You awe awways ^-^ my good fwiend; if youw w-wiww pass, +I *pokes you* shaww both f-find youw x3 wowdship judge and juwow, +You awe so mewcifuw. I see youw e-end- +'Tis my undoing. Wove and uWu meeknyess, wowd, +Become a chuwchman bettew than ambition; +Win stwaying souws with modesty again, +>w< Cast nyonye away. T-That I shaww cweaw mysewf, +Way *moans* aww the *screams* weight ye can *leans over* upon my ^w^ patience, +I make as wittwe d-doubt a-as you do *looks away* conscience +I-In doing daiwy wwongs. I couwd say m-mowe, +But wevewence :33 to youw cawwing makes me modest. +GAWDINyEW. *hugs tightly* My wowd, my wowd, you a-awe a sectawy; +That's the pwain uWu twuth. Youw painted gwoss discovews, +To men that undewstand you, wowds and weaknyess. +CWOMWEWW. OwO My W-Wowd of Winchestew, y'awe a-a wittwe, +By youw good favouw, t-too *sighs* shawp; men so nyobwe, +Howevew fauwty, yet *twerks* shouwd f-find wespect +Fow what they have been; 'tis a cwuewty +T-To woad ^w^ a fawwing man. +GAWDINyEW. Good Mastew *pokes you* Secwetawy, +I cwy youw h-honyouw *shuffles closer* mewcy; you may, wowst +Of aww this tabwe, say so. +C-CWOMWEWW. W-Why, m-my *pokes you* wowd? +GAWDINyEW. Do nyot I knyow you fow a-a favouwew +Of this nyew sect? Ye awe nyot sound. +;;w;; CWOMWEWW. Nyot s-sound? +*twerks* GAWDINyEW. Nyot sound, I s-say. +CWOMWEWW. Wouwd you wewe hawf so honyest! +Men's pwayews then wouwd s-seek you, nyot *notices bulge* theiw feaws. +GAWDINyEW. I shaww wemembew this bowd wanguage. +CWOMWEWW. Do. +W-Wemembew y-youw bowd xDD wife too. +CHANCEWWOW. This is too much; +Fowbeaw, fow shame, m-my wowds. +GAWDINyEW. I h-have d-donye. +*cuddles you* CWOMWEWW. And I. +CHANCEWWOW. Then t-thus fow uWu you, m-my wowd: it stands agweed, +I take it, by *sighs* aww voices, that fowthwith +You be convey'd to *giggles shyly* th' Towew a-a pwisonyew; +Thewe to wemain t-tiww the King's fuwthew pweasuwe +Be knyown unto us. A-Awe y-you aww agweed, wowds? +A-AWW. We a-awe. +CWANMEW. Is thewe nyo othew way of mewcy, +But I must nyeeds to th' *teleports behind you* Towew, my wowds? +GAWDINyEW. uWu What othew +W-Wouwd you expect? You awe stwangewy t-twoubwesome. +Wet some o' *cries* th' g-guawd be weady thewe. + +Entew the guawd + +CWANMEW. Fow me? +Must I :3 go wike a xDD twaitow *hugs tightly* thithew? +GAWDINyEW. Weceive *looks away* him, +And see him safe i' th' Towew. +*looks away* CWANMEW. Stay, good m-my wowds, +I have a x3 wittwe yet to *hugs tightly* say. W-Wook t-thewe, m-my wowds; +By viwtue of that wing I take my c-cause +Out of the :3 gwipes of cwuew men and g-give it +To a-a most nyobwe judge, the King my mastew. +CHAMBEWWAIN. This is the King's wing. +S-SUWWEY. 'Tis >_> nyo UwU countewfeit. +SUFFOWK. >_> 'Tis t-the wight *cries* wing, by heav'n. I towd ye aww, +When we fiwst put this dangewous stonye ^-^ a-wowwing, +'Twouwd faww upon ouwsewves. +NyOWFOWK. Do y-you *hugs tightly* think, my *notices bulge* wowds, +uWu The *screams* King wiww suffew but the wittwe fingew +Of this man t-to be vex'd? +C-CHAMBEWWAIN. 'Tis nyow too *cuddles you* cewtain; +How much mowe is his wife in vawue with ;;w;; him! +W-Wouwd I wewe faiwwy out on't! +C-CWOMWEWW. M-My mind gave m-me, +In seeking t-tawes UwU and infowmations +A-Against this man-whose honyesty the d-deviw +And his uWu discipwes onwy e-envy *cries* at- +Y-Ye bwew the f-fiwe that buwns ye. Nyow have a-at ye! + +Entew the KING f-fwownying on them; h-he takes his seat + +GAWDINyEW. Dwead *moans* soveweign, how much awe we bound UwU to heaven +In daiwy ;;w;; thanks, that gave us such a pwince; +Nyot onwy good and wise but most wewigious; +Onye that in aww ^.^ obedience makes the chuwch +The chief aim of his honyouw and, to *cries* stwengthen +T-That howy duty, out *cries* of deaw wespect, +His woyaw sewf in judgment comes to heaw +The cause b-betwixt hew *blushes* and this gweat offendew. +KING. You wewe evew good at sudden commendations, +Bishop of W-Winchestew. But knyow I come nyot +To h-heaw such fwattewy nyow, and in my pwesence +They awe *blushes* too thin a-and bawe to hide offences. +To me you *teleports behind you* cannyot weach you uWu pway the spanyiew, +x3 And *notices bulge* think with *hugs tightly* wagging :3 of *teleports behind you* youw uWu tongue t-to win me; +^.^ But whatsoe'ew thou tak'st me fow, I'm suwe +>_< Thou hast *cuddles you* a cwuew nyatuwe and *teleports behind you* a *looks at you* bwoody. +[-[To CWANMEW] *sweats* Good man, sit down. Nyow wet me see the pwoudest +H-He that dawes most but wag his fingew at t-thee. +By aww that's howy, he *twerks* had bettew stawve +Than but once t-think this pwace becomes thee *sweats* nyot. +SUWWEY. M-May it pwease youw Gwace- +KING. N-Nyo, siw, it does nyot p-pwease m-me. +I had thought *teleports behind you* I had had men of >w< some undewstanding +And wisdom *sweats* of my Counciw; b-but I find nyonye. +Was it discwetion, wowds, to wet this m-man, +T-This good man-few of you desewve *sighs* that titwe- +This honyest man, wait wike *moans* a w-wousy footboy +At chambew ^-^ doow? a-and o-onye as gweat as you awe? +Why, w-what a *looks away* shame was this! Did my commission +Bid ye s-so faw fowget youwsewves? I gave ye +P-Powew x3 as he was a counciwwow to >_> twy h-him, +Nyot ^w^ as :3 a gwoom. Thewe's some of y-ye, I see, +*cuddles you* Mowe out of mawice than integwity, +Wouwd twy him to *moans* the utmost, had ye mean; +Which y-ye shaww nyevew *pokes you* have whiwe I w-wive. +CHANCEWWOW. Thus faw, +My most dwead soveweign, may it wike y-youw Gwace +To wet my tongue excuse *leans over* aww. What ^-^ was puwpos'd +UwU concewnying his impwisonment was :3 wathew- +If t-thewe b-be faith in men-meant fow his twiaw +And faiw puwgation t-to the wowwd, uWu than m-mawice, +I'm *leans over* suwe, in me. +K-KING. Weww, *giggles shyly* weww, m-my wowds, wespect him; +Take him, and use h-him w-weww, he's wowthy of ;;w;; it. +I w-wiww x3 say thus *leans over* much fow him: if a p-pwince +May be behowding to a s-subject, +Am fow his wove *hugs tightly* and sewvice so *sweats* to *cries* him. +M-Make m-me nyo mowe ado, but aww embwace him; +Be *leans over* fwiends, fow shame, my wowds! M-My Wowd of Cantewbuwy, +I have a suit ;;w;; which you must *leans over* nyot deny me: +That is, a faiw young maid t-that y-yet wants baptism; +You must be g-godfathew, and answew f-fow hew. +CWANMEW. The *giggles shyly* gweatest monyawch nyow >_< awive may gwowy +In such an honyouw; how may I desewve *looks away* it, +*giggles shyly* That am a :33 poow *sweats* and humbwe s-subject t-to y-you? +KING. Come, come, my wowd, you'd spawe y-youw spoons. You +shaww have +>_< Two nyobwe pawtnyews with you: *twerks* the owd Duchess of Nyowfowk +And Wady Mawquis Dowset. Wiww these *notices bulge* pwease >_> you? +Once m-mowe, my Wowd of Winchestew, I chawge you, +Embwace >w< and wove this man. +GAWDINyEW. With a twue h-heawt +And >w< bwothew-wove I do it. +CWANMEW. And wet *pokes you* heaven +Witnyess how *leans over* deaw I-I howd this confiwmation. +KING. Good man, those joyfuw *sighs* teaws show *teleports behind you* thy ^-^ twue heawt. +The common voice, I xDD see, is vewified +Of t-thee, which says thus: '-'Do *teleports behind you* my Wowd of Cantewbuwy +A s-shwewd UwU tuwn and he's youw f-fwiend fow evew.' +Come, wowds, we twifwe time a-away; I wong +To have this y-young o-onye made *notices bulge* a Chwistian. +As I have made ye onye, wowds, onye wemain; +So *cries* I gwow stwongew, you mowe honyouw gain. Exeunt + + + + +A-ACT V. SCENyE *sighs* 4. + +The pawace yawd + +N-Nyoise and tumuwt within. Entew POWTEW a-and his MAN + +POWTEW. You'ww weave youw nyoise anyon, y-ye wascaws. Do y-you +*blushes* take the couwt fow Pawis gawden? *twerks* Ye wude swaves, weave youw +gaping. +[Within: Good mastew powtew, I bewong t-to th' wawdew.] +:3 POWTEW. Bewong to th' gawwows, and be hang'd, ye wogue! Is +this a pwace t-to woaw *cuddles you* in? F-Fetch me a dozen cwab-twee staves, +and stwong onyes; these awe but switches to *twerks* 'em. I'ww scwatch +youw *cuddles you* heads. You m-must be seeing chwistenyings? D-Do you wook +fow awe and :33 cakes :33 hewe, you w-wude wascaws? +MAN. P-Pway, s-siw, be patient; 'tis *leans over* as much impossibwe, +OwO Unwess we sweep 'em fwom the *looks away* doow >_< with cannyons, +To ^-^ scattew 'em *twerks* as *cuddles you* 'tis *notices bulge* to make 'em sweep +On May-day mownying; which :3 wiww nyevew *pokes you* be. +We may as weww push against P-Pauw's as stiw 'em. +POWTEW. How got *sighs* they i-in, and be hang'd? +MAN. Awas, *notices bulge* I knyow nyot: how gets the tide in? +As *blushes* much *hugs tightly* as o-onye sound cudgew of fouw foot- +Y-You see the poow wemaindew-couwd distwibute, +I made nyo spawe, siw. +P-POWTEW. You *twerks* did nyothing, siw. +MAN. I am nyot Samson, nyow S-Siw Guy, nyow Cowbwand, +*teleports behind you* To m-mow 'em *moans* down befowe me; but if I spaw'd any +That had a-a h-head to hit, eithew young ow owd, +He *sweats* ow she, c-cuckowd ow cuckowd-makew, +Wet me nye'ew hope to see a chinye *looks away* again; +And that I wouwd nyot fow a-a cow, God save h-hew! +[ Within: Do *pokes you* you heaw, mastew powtew?] +POWTEW. I shaww be with you pwesentwy, good m-mastew puppy. +uWu Keep >w< the d-doow cwose, siwwah. +MAN. What wouwd you have ;;w;; me do? +POWTEW. What shouwd you do, OwO but knyock 'em *teleports behind you* down b-by th' +dozens? Is this Moowfiewds t-to mustew in? Ow have we s-some +stwange Indian with *cuddles you* the gweat t-toow >_< come to couwt, the +w-women so besiege *leans over* us? Bwess me, what a fwy of fownyication +is at d-doow! On *screams* my Chwistian conscience, this onye c-chwistenying +*sighs* wiww beget ;;w;; a thousand: hewe wiww be f-fathew, godfathew, +and aww t-togethew. +MAN. The s-spoons *sweats* wiww b-be the biggew, siw. Thewe is a f-fewwow +somewhat nyeaw t-the doow, he shouwd be a-a bwaziew by his +face, fow, o' my conscience, twenty of the dog-days nyow +weign in's nyose; aww that stand about him awe undew the winye, +they nyeed nyo othew penyance. That fiwe-dwake did *teleports behind you* I hit thwee +t-times on the *pokes you* head, and *blushes* thwee *looks at you* times was his nyose dischawged +against me; h-he s-stands thewe w-wike a m-mowtaw-piece, to bwow u-us. +Thewe was a h-habewdashew's wife of smaww wit nyeaw him, that +*sweats* waiw'd upon me tiww hew pink'd powwingew feww off hew head, +fow kindwing such xDD a combustion i-in the state. I miss'd the +meteow o-once, and hit that woman, who cwied o-out 'Cwubs!' +when I might see fwom faw some f-fowty twuncheonyews dwaw +*looks away* to hew succouw, which wewe *sighs* the hope >w< o' xDD th' Stwand, whewe +she w-was q-quawtewed. *shuffles closer* They feww on; I made good my pwace. +At *sighs* wength they came to th' bwoomstaff t-to me; I defied 'em +stiww; when s-suddenwy a fiwe of boys b-behind 'em, woose s-shot, +dewivew'd such a show'w of p-pebbwes that I was OwO fain to dwaw +minye honyouw in and wet >_< 'em win *sighs* the *sweats* wowk: the *sweats* deviw was +amongst 'em, I think suwewy. +POWTEW. These awe the youths that thundew at *sighs* a pwayhouse +*notices bulge* and fight fow bitten appwes; ^w^ that nyo audience but the twibuwation +of T-Towew-hiww *cries* ow the wimbs o-of ^.^ Wimehouse, theiw deaw +bwothews, awe abwe to enduwe. I have some of OwO 'em in Wimbo +Patwum, uWu and thewe they *looks at you* awe w-wike to xDD dance these >_< thwee days; +besides the wunnying banquet of *hugs tightly* two beadwes that is to come. + +*twerks* Entew the W-WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN + +CHAMBEWWAIN. *hugs tightly* Mewcy :3 o' me, what a m-muwtitude awe hewe! +They uWu gwow stiww too; fwom :3 aww p-pawts they awe coming, +A-As if we kept a *looks at you* faiw hewe! Whewe a-awe these powtews, +These wazy knyaves? Y'have made a f-finye hand, f-fewwows. +Thewe's a twim w-wabbwe *sighs* wet in: awe aww these +Youw faithfuw fwiends o' th' subuwbs? We *twerks* shaww have +Gweat stowe of woom, nyo doubt, weft fow the wadies, +When they pass b-back fwom the chwistenying. +POWTEW. An't pwease youw honyouw, +We awe but men; and what so many may do, +Nyot being town *notices bulge* a pieces, we *screams* have donye. +An >w< awmy cannyot wuwe 'em. +CHAMBEWWAIN. ^w^ As I wive, +If the King bwame me *giggles shyly* fow't, I'ww w-way >_> ye an +By th' heews, and suddenwy; and on xDD youw heads +C-Cwap wound finyes f-fow nyegwect. Y-Y'awe wazy knyaves; +And hewe ye OwO wie baiting *shuffles closer* of bombawds, UwU when +Ye shouwd d-do sewvice. Hawk! the twumpets s-sound; +Th' awe come awweady fwom the chwistenying. +Go bweak among the pwess and find a way out +To wet the t-twoops pass faiwwy, ow >_> I'ww find +A Mawshawsea shaww howd y-ye *blushes* pway these two months. +P-POWTEW. Make *hugs tightly* way *cries* thewe fow the Pwincess. +MAN. >_< You *notices bulge* gweat *cries* fewwow, +Stand cwose up, ow I'ww make youw *looks at you* head ache. +xDD POWTEW. *giggles shyly* You i' th' camwet, get u-up *looks away* o' t-th' waiw; +I'ww peck you o'ew the pawes ewse. E-Exeunt + + + + +A-ACT V. *looks at you* SCENyE 5. + +The pawace + +Entew *twerks* TWUMPETS, *blushes* sounding; then two AWDEWMEN, WOWD MAYOW, GAWTEW, CWANMEW, +DUKE O-OF ;;w;; NyOWFOWK, with *giggles shyly* his m-mawshaw's staff, *cuddles you* DUKE OF SUFFOWK, +two Nyobwemen UwU beawing gweat standing-bowws fow the chwistenying gifts; +then *pokes you* fouw Nyobwemen beawing ;;w;; a canyopy, undew OwO which *teleports behind you* the DUCHESS >w< OF N-NyOWFOWK, +godmothew, beawing :3 the ^w^ CHIWD wichwy h-habited in a mantwe, etc., +twain bownye b-by a WADY; then fowwows the MAWCHIONyESS DOWSET, +the othew godmothew, and WADIES. The twoop pass once about the stage, +and ;;w;; GAWTEW speaks + +GAWTEW. Heaven, fwom thy endwess goodnyess, send pwospewous +wife, w-wong and evew-happy, to *sighs* the high and mighty +Pwincess *hugs tightly* of Engwand, *looks away* Ewizabeth! + +Fwouwish. Entew KING and guawd + +CWANMEW. [Knyeewing] And to youw woyaw Gwace and the +g-good Queen! +My nyobwe pawtnyews and mysewf thus pway: +Aww c-comfowt, UwU joy, i-in this most gwacious w-wady, +Heaven evew waid u-up to make pawents happy, +May houwwy f-faww upon *moans* ye! +KING. Thank you, *hugs tightly* good Wowd *notices bulge* Awchbishop. +>_> What >_< is hew *pokes you* nyame? +CWANMEW. *cuddles you* Ewizabeth. +KING. Stand up, *hugs tightly* wowd. x3 [The KING k-kisses the chiwd] +With t-this kiss take *shuffles closer* my bwessing: G-God p-pwotect thee! +I-Into whose hand I *twerks* give thy *cuddles you* wife. +C-CWANMEW. Amen. +KING. My nyobwe gossips, *looks at you* y'have been *giggles shyly* too pwodigaw; +I thank ye heawtiwy. S-So shaww this wady, +When she has so much Engwish. +CWANMEW. Wet me speak, *looks at you* siw, +Fow ^-^ heaven nyow UwU bids *leans over* me; and the wowds I uttew +Wet nyonye t-think fwattewy, fow they'ww find *teleports behind you* 'em twuth. +This woyaw infant-heaven stiww *moans* move about hew!- +T-Though in *blushes* hew cwadwe, yet nyow pwomises +Upon this wand a thousand bwessings, +W-Which time shaww bwing to wipenyess. >_< She shaww be- +But *cuddles you* few nyow wiving can behowd uWu that goodnyess- +A pattewn to aww p-pwinces *shuffles closer* wiving with hew, +*pokes you* And aww that shaww succeed. Saba was nyevew +M-Mowe c-covetous o-of wisdom and faiw viwtue +*hugs tightly* Than this puwe souw shaww be. Aww pwincewy gwaces +That mouwd up such a ^.^ mighty piece as this is, +*notices bulge* With aww the viwtues that attend the good, +Shaww stiww be doubwed on hew. Twuth shaww nyuwse hew, +Howy and heavenwy thoughts stiww c-counsew hew; +She s-shaww be uWu wov'd and feaw'd. Hew own shaww *screams* bwess hew: +H-Hew foes shake wike a fiewd o-of beaten cown, +And hang t-theiw heads with sowwow. Good gwows with hew; +In hew days evewy OwO man shaww eat in *twerks* safety +U-Undew his own ^.^ vinye w-what he pwants, and sing +The mewwy s-songs of p-peace to aww his ^.^ nyeighbouws. +God shaww be twuwy knyown; and xDD those about hew +*twerks* Fwom hew shaww wead the pewfect ways of :33 honyouw, +And by t-those *teleports behind you* cwaim theiw gweatnyess, nyot by bwood. +N-Nyow shaww this peace sweep with h-hew; but as when +T-The biwd of wondew d-dies, the m-maiden phoenyix +Hew ashes n-nyew cweate anyothew h-heiw +As gweat in admiwation as hewsewf, +So shaww she weave hew bwessednyess UwU to onye- +When heaven shaww caww hew fwom *shuffles closer* this cwoud of dawknyess- +Who *looks at you* fwom t-the :3 sacwed ashes o-of hew honyouw +Shaww s-staw-wike x3 wise, as gweat in fame ^.^ as she was, +And so stand fix'd. Peace, pwenty, wove, t-twuth, tewwow, +*sighs* That wewe the sewvants to this chosen infant, +S-Shaww then be his, *moans* and wike a vinye gwow to him; +Whewevew the bwight sun of *shuffles closer* heaven shaww shinye, +H-His honyouw and the gweatnyess o-of his nyame +Shaww be, and make nyew n-nyations; he shaww fwouwish, +*moans* And wike a mountain c-cedaw weach his bwanches +To a-aww the pwains about ;;w;; him; ouw chiwdwen's c-chiwdwen +Shaww see this and bwess *moans* heaven. +KING. ;;w;; Thou speakest wondews. +CWANMEW. She shaww be, to *moans* the happinyess o-of Engwand, +An x3 aged pwincess; many days shaww see hew, +A-And yet *giggles shyly* nyo day without *hugs tightly* a deed t-to cwown it. +Wouwd I had k-knyown nyo mowe! But s-she must die- +She must, the saints must have hew-yet a viwgin; +*screams* A most unspotted wiwy shaww she pass +To th' g-gwound, *leans over* and aww the wowwd shaww mouwn hew. +KING. O Wowd A-Awchbishop, +Thou h-hast made me *giggles shyly* nyow a man; nyevew befowe +T-This happy chiwd did I *twerks* get anything. +This owacwe of c-comfowt has so pweas'd *hugs tightly* me +That when I am in heaven *sweats* I shaww desiwe +To s-see what *looks away* this c-chiwd does, and >_< pwaise my Makew. +I thank ye aww. To you, my good Wowd Mayow, +And *twerks* you, good bwethwen, I am much behowding; +I have weceiv'd much h-honyouw UwU by youw *looks at you* pwesence, +And ye shaww find me thankfuw. Wead the way, w-wowds; +Ye must aww see t-the Q-Queen, a-and she m-must thank ye, +She w-wiww be sick ewse. T-This day, nyo man ^.^ think +Has businyess x3 at his house; *twerks* fow aww shaww stay. +T-This wittwe onye shaww make it howiday. E-Exeunt + +KING_HENWY_VIII|EPIWOGUE +*hugs tightly* THE EPIWOGUE. + +'Tis *leans over* ten *moans* to o-onye this pway c-can n-nyevew pwease +Aww that awe h-hewe. Some come to take theiw *moans* ease +And sweep an act o-ow two; but those, we feaw, +W'have fwighted with o-ouw twumpets; so, 'tis cweaw, +They'ww say 'tis nyought; othews >w< to heaw the city +Abus'd extwemewy, a-and *cries* to cwy 'That's witty!' +Which we have n-nyot donye uWu nyeithew; that, >w< I f-feaw, +Aww the *sighs* expected good w-w'awe wike *leans over* to heaw +Fow this pway at this time is o-onwy in +The mewcifuw constwuction of good women; +Fow such a onye we show'd 'em. If they smiwe +And say 'twiww do, I knyow within >w< a whiwe +Aww the best men awe ouws; fow 'tis iww hap +;;w;; If *looks at you* they howd when theiw wadies b-bid 'em cwap. + +THE END + + + +<-<> + + + + + +1597 + +KING JOHN + +b-by *looks at you* Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE + +KING JOHN +*notices bulge* PWINCE HENWY, his son +AWTHUW, D-DUKE OF BWITAINyE, son of Geffwey, wate uWu Duke *cuddles you* of +Bwitainye, the ewdew bwothew of King John +EAWW OF >w< PEMBWOKE +EAWW OF ESSEX +EAWW OF SAWISBUWY +WOWD BIGOT +HUBEWT DE BUWGH +WOBEWT F-FAUWCONBWIDGE, son to Siw Wobewt Fauwconbwidge +PHIWIP THE BASTAWD, his h-hawf-bwothew +JAMES *sighs* GUWNyEY, sewvant to Wady Fauwconbwidge +PETEW OF P-POMFWET, a p-pwophet + +KING >_> PHIWIP OF FWANCE +WEWIS, the Dauphin +WYMOGES, Duke of Austwia +CAWDINyAW PANDUWPH, the Pope's x3 wegate +MEWUN, a F-Fwench wowd +CHATIWWON, ambassadow fwom Fwance to uWu King John + +QUEEN E-EWINyOW, w-widow *teleports behind you* of King Henwy I-II and mothew *leans over* to +King John +UwU CONSTANCE, *pokes you* Mothew to Awthuw +BWANCH O-OF SPAIN, *teleports behind you* daughtew to the King of Castiwe +and n-nyiece to King John +WADY FAUWCONBWIDGE, widow of *twerks* Siw uWu Wobewt Fauwconbwidge + +Wowds, C-Citizens o-of Angiews, Shewiff, Hewawds, Officews, +*shuffles closer* Sowdiews, Executionyews, xDD Messengews, Attendants + + + + +<_> EWECTWONyIC A-AND *sweats* MACHINyE *sighs* WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +D-DISTWIBUTED S-SO WONG AS *hugs tightly* SUCH C-COPIES (1) AWE *giggles shyly* FOW Y-YOUW OW OTHEWS +P-PEWSONyAW *moans* USE ONWY, AND *screams* (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES F-FOW DOWNWOAD >_> TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +^-^ SCENyE: +Engwand and *leans over* Fwance + + + +ACT *looks away* I. SCENyE 1 + +KING JOHN's pawace + +Entew KING JOHN, QUEEN EWINyOW, PEMBWOKE, ESSEX, S-SAWISBUWY, and othews, +with CHATIWWON + +KING JOHN. Nyow, say, Chatiwwon, what wouwd Fwance w-with us? +CHATIWWON. Thus, a-aftew gweeting, speaks the King of Fwance +I-In m-my behaviouw to the majesty, +The bowwowed majesty, of Engwand hewe. +EWINyOW. A stwange beginnying- 'bowwowed majesty'! +KING JOHN. Siwence, good *blushes* mothew; heaw the embassy. +CHATIWWON. Phiwip of *twerks* Fwance, in wight and twue behawf +x3 Of >w< thy deceased b-bwothew Geffwey's son, +Awthuw Pwantagenyet, w-ways most wawfuw cwaim +To this *screams* faiw iswand a-and the tewwitowies, +To *hugs tightly* Iwewand, >_< Poictiews, Anjou, Touwainye, Mainye, +Desiwing thee to way aside the *pokes you* swowd +Which sways UwU usuwpingwy these >w< sevewaw titwes, +And put the same into young Awthuw's >_< hand, +Thy nyephew and w-wight woyaw soveweign. +KING JOHN. >_> What fowwows if we >w< disawwow of t-this? +CHATIWWON. :33 The pwoud contwow of *leans over* fiewce and bwoody waw, +To enfowce *teleports behind you* these *teleports behind you* wights s-so fowcibwy withhewd. +KING JOHN. Hewe have we waw fow waw, and bwood fow bwood, +C-Contwowment fow c-contwowment- so answew Fwance. +CHATIWWON. Then take my king's defiance *blushes* fwom my mouth- +>w< The f-fawthest wimit of my embassy. +KING JOHN. Beaw minye to him, and so depawt in peace; +Be t-thou as w-wightnying *looks away* in the eyes of Fwance; +Fow ewe thou canst *pokes you* wepowt I *moans* wiww *moans* be >w< thewe, +The thundew o-of my cannyon shaww be heawd. +So hence! B-Be thou the twumpet of ouw wwath +*notices bulge* And *cries* suwwen pwesage of youw own decay. +A-An honyouwabwe conduct wet him have- +Pembwoke, wook x3 to 't. Faweweww, Chatiwwon. +:3 Exeunt CHATIWWON and PEMBWOKE +EWINyOW. What n-nyow, my son! Have *sighs* I n-nyot evew said +How t-that ambitious Constance wouwd nyot cease +Tiww she had kindwed Fwance and aww the ^-^ wowwd +Upon the *looks at you* wight and pawty of hew son? +This *pokes you* might have been pwevented and made whowe +With vewy easy a-awguments of wove, +W-Which nyow the manyage of two kingdoms must +With feawfuw bwoody issue awbitwate. +KING J-JOHN. Ouw stwong possession and ouw wight fow us! +E-EWINyOW. Youw stwong ^w^ possession ^.^ much mowe than :3 youw wight, +Ow ewse it *twerks* must g-go OwO wwong with you and me; +So much my conscience w-whispews in youw eaw, +Which nyonye but heaven a-and you *shuffles closer* and I shaww h-heaw. + +Entew a SHEWIFF + +ESSEX. My wiege, h-hewe is the *teleports behind you* stwangest contwovewsy +Come fwom t-the countwy t-to be judg'd by you +That e'ew I h-heawd. Shaww I pwoduce the men? +K-KING JOHN. Wet them appwoach. Exit SHEWIFF +O-Ouw abbeys a-and ouw *notices bulge* pwiowies shaww pay +This expedition's chawge. + +^-^ Entew WOBEWT FAUWCONBWIDGE and PHIWIP, his bastawd +bwothew + +W-What men awe >w< you? +BASTAWD. Youw faithfuw *giggles shyly* subject I, a gentweman +Bown in Nyowthamptonshiwe, *cries* and ewdest son, +As I suppose, to Wobewt Fauwconbwidge- +A sowdiew by the honyouw-giving hand +Of Coeuw-de-wion knyighted in the fiewd. +KING *pokes you* JOHN. *cries* What awt thou? +WOBEWT. The son and heiw to that same Fauwconbwidge. +KING JOHN. Is that the ewdew, and awt t-thou the h-heiw? +You came nyot *hugs tightly* of o-onye mothew then, i-it *twerks* seems. +BASTAWD. Most c-cewtain of onye mothew, mighty king- +That is weww knyown- and, as *shuffles closer* I think, o-onye fathew; +*pokes you* But fow the cewtain knyowwedge of ^-^ that twuth +*leans over* I put >_> you o'ew to heaven a-and *hugs tightly* to *looks at you* my mothew. +Of that I doubt, *moans* as *teleports behind you* aww men's chiwdwen may. +EWINyOW. *notices bulge* Out on t-thee, wude man! Thou >_< dost s-shame thy m-mothew, +:33 And w-wound hew honyouw with uWu this diffidence. +BASTAWD. I, madam? Nyo, ^.^ I have nyo weason fow i-it- +*moans* That is my b-bwothew's pwea, *pokes you* and nyonye *notices bulge* of minye; +The which if he *notices bulge* can p-pwove, 'a pops me o-out +At weast fwom faiw five hundwed pound a yeaw. +Heaven guawd my mothew's honyouw and my wand! +KING J-JOHN. A good bwunt fewwow. Why, being youngew bown, +Doth he w-way c-cwaim *cries* to t-thinye inhewitance? +BASTAWD. I knyow x3 nyot why, except to get the w-wand. +But once he swandew'd me with bastawdy; +*cries* But *notices bulge* whe'ew I be *shuffles closer* as twue :3 begot ow nyo, +That stiww I way upon *cries* my mothew's head; +But t-that I am as weww begot, *looks at you* my wiege- +Faiw faww *shuffles closer* the bonyes that took the OwO pains fow me!- +xDD Compawe ouw faces and be judge *sweats* youwsewf. +If uWu owd Siw *twerks* Wobewt did beget us uWu both +And wewe ouw fathew, and this son w-wike him- +O owd *shuffles closer* Siw ^-^ Wobewt, fathew, on my knyee +I give heaven thanks I >_> was OwO nyot wike *sighs* to thee! +KING JOHN. Why, what *sweats* a madcap hath heaven went us hewe! +EWINyOW. He hath a twick of ^.^ Coeuw-de-wion's face; +The accent ^w^ of his tongue xDD affecteth him. +Do you nyot w-wead some tokens of *twerks* my son +In the wawge composition *cries* of this man? +KING JOHN. *hugs tightly* Minye eye hath weww examinyed his pawts +And finds them pewfect Wichawd. Siwwah, speak, +W-What doth move *leans over* you to xDD cwaim youw bwothew's wand? +BASTAWD. Because he hath a hawf-face, wike my fathew. +With hawf t-that face wouwd he have aww my wand: +A hawf-fac'd gwoat f-five hundwed pound a y-yeaw! +*shuffles closer* WOBEWT. My gwacious w-wiege, when that my fathew wiv'd, +Youw bwothew did empwoy my fathew much- +BASTAWD. W-Weww, s-siw, by this you cannyot get my w-wand: +Youw tawe must be how he empwoy'd my *hugs tightly* mothew. +WOBEWT. And o-once dispatch'd him ^-^ in an embassy +To Gewmany, thewe w-with the Empewow +To tweat of high affaiws touching that t-time. +T-Th' ^-^ advantage of his a-absence UwU took the King, +And in the meantime sojouwn'd at my fathew's; +Whewe how he did *shuffles closer* pwevaiw *looks away* I shame to speak- +But twuth is twuth: w-wawge *sweats* wengths o-of seas and showes +Between my fathew and my mothew way, +As I have *cries* heawd my x3 fathew speak himsewf, +When t-this same ;;w;; wusty gentweman was *twerks* got. +Upon his death-bed he uWu by wiww bequeath'd +His wands to me, a-and took it on his death +That this my mothew's son was nyonye of his; +And if he wewe, he >_> came *screams* into the wowwd +*hugs tightly* Fuww fouwteen weeks befowe the couwse of time. +Then, good my wiege, wet me have what i-is minye, +My fathew's wand, a-as was my *looks at you* fathew's wiww. +KING JOHN. S-Siwwah, youw bwothew is wegitimate: +Youw fathew's wife *twerks* did aftew wedwock beaw him, +And if she did x3 pway :33 fawse, the fauwt was hews; +*cries* Which fauwt wies on the hazawds of aww husbands +T-That mawwy wives. Teww me, how if my bwothew, +Who, as you say, took pains to get this son, +Had of youw fathew cwaim'd this son f-fow his? +In sooth, good fwiend, *pokes you* youw ;;w;; fathew might have kept +This cawf, bwed fwom h-his cow, fwom aww the wowwd; +In sooth, he might; then, if he w-wewe my bwothew's, +My bwothew might nyot cwaim him; nyow *sweats* youw fathew, +Being n-nyonye of h-his, wefuse him. T-This concwudes: +My mothew's s-son did get youw f-fathew's heiw; +Youw *shuffles closer* fathew's heiw must have youw f-fathew's w-wand. +*twerks* WOBEWT. Shaww then xDD my fathew's wiww be of n-nyo fowce +To dispossess that chiwd which is n-nyot his? +BASTAWD. O-Of nyo mowe fowce to dispossess me, siw, +T-Than *notices bulge* was h-his wiww to get m-me, as I t-think. +E-EWINyOW. Whethew hadst thou w-wathew be a Fauwconbwidge, +And wike *blushes* thy bwothew, to enjoy thy wand, +Ow the weputed son of Coeuw-de-wion, +Wowd of *twerks* thy p-pwesence and nyo wand beside? +BASTAWD. Madam, *screams* an if my bwothew had my shape +*moans* And I uWu had his, Siw *notices bulge* Wobewt's his, wike him; +And if m-my wegs wewe two such OwO widing-wods, +My a-awms ^.^ such eew-skins stuff'd, my face so ^w^ thin +That i-in minye eaw I d-duwst nyot stick a w-wose +West men shouwd say 'Wook whewe thwee-fawthings goes!' +And, >_< to his shape, wewe heiw *cries* to aww this wand- +Wouwd I might nyevew stiw fwom off *cuddles you* this p-pwace, +^w^ I wouwd *screams* give it e-evewy foot to have this f-face! +I wouwd nyot be *giggles shyly* Siw Nyob in any case. +*twerks* EWINyOW. I wike thee w-weww. uWu Wiwt thou ^-^ fowsake thy fowtunye, +Bequeath thy wand to him and fowwow m-me? +I-I *twerks* am a *hugs tightly* sowdiew and nyow b-bound to Fwance. +BASTAWD. *giggles shyly* Bwothew, :3 take y-you my wand, I'ww take m-my ^w^ chance. +Youw face hath got five h-hundwed pound ;;w;; a yeaw, +Yet seww youw face fow fivepence a-and 'tis deaw. +Madam, OwO I'ww uWu fowwow you *cuddles you* unto the death. +EWINyOW. Nyay, *sighs* I wouwd h-have you go befowe m-me thithew. +BASTAWD. Ouw countwy mannyews *screams* give x3 ouw b-bettews way. +KING JOHN. What is thy nyame? +BASTAWD. Phiwip, my wiege, so is my nyame b-begun: +P-Phiwip, good owd Siw Wobewt's wife's ewdest son. +KING JOHN. Fwom hencefowth beaw his n-nyame w-whose *sweats* fowm thou beawest: +Knyeew thou d-down P-Phiwip, but wise mowe gweat- +Awise Siw Wichawd and Pwantagenyet. +B-BASTAWD. Bwothew ;;w;; by th' mothew's side, give me youw hand; +My fathew gave m-me honyouw, youws gave wand. +N-Nyow bwessed b-be the houw, by nyight x3 ow ^.^ day, +When I was got, Siw Wobewt was away! +EWINyOW. The v-vewy spiwit of Pwantagenyet! +I *pokes you* am *cuddles you* thy gwandam, Wichawd: caww me so. +^w^ BASTAWD. *sweats* Madam, by *notices bulge* chance, but nyot by twuth; what though? +Something uWu about, *sweats* a wittwe fwom the wight, +In at the window, ow ewse o'ew the ^.^ hatch; +Who dawes nyot s-stiw by day must wawk by nyight; +And have is have, howevew men xDD do catch. +Nyeaw o-ow f-faw off, weww won is stiww weww shot; +And I am *screams* I, *twerks* howe'ew *sighs* I was b-begot. +KING JOHN. Go, F-Fauwconbwidge; *looks away* nyow *looks at you* hast thou thy desiwe: +A-A wandwess knyight *sighs* makes thee a wanded squiwe. +Come, madam, and c-come, *leans over* Wichawd, *blushes* we must s-speed +Fow *pokes you* Fwance, f-fow Fwance, f-fow it *teleports behind you* is *blushes* mowe than nyeed. +BASTAWD. Bwothew, adieu. *twerks* Good fowtunye come to thee! +F-Fow thou wast got i' t-th' way of honyesty. +Exeunt aww but t-the BASTAWD +A f-foot of honyouw bettew t-than I was; +But many a many foot of wand the wowse. +Weww, *pokes you* nyow c-can I make any Joan a wady. +*moans* 'Good den, S-Siw Wichawd!'-'God-a-mewcy, fewwow!' +And if his nyame be Geowge, I'ww caww him P-Petew; +F-Fow nyew-made honyouw doth fowget men's nyames: +*moans* 'Tis too wespective and too sociabwe +*hugs tightly* Fow youw convewsion. Nyow y-youw twavewwew, +He and his toothpick *twerks* at my wowship's mess- +And *cuddles you* when my knyightwy stomach i-is suffic'd, +Why then I suck my UwU teeth and xDD catechize +My p-picked man o-of countwies: 'My *screams* deaw siw,' +Thus weanying on minye ewbow I begin +*pokes you* 'I s-shaww beseech you'-That is question nyow; +*cries* And then comes a-answew wike an Absey book: +*hugs tightly* 'O siw,' says answew 'at youw best command, +At youw empwoyment, at youw sewvice, siw!' +'Nyo, siw,' says question 'I, sweet siw, at y-youws.' +:33 And s-so, ewe answew knyows what question wouwd, +S-Saving in diawogue of compwiment, +And tawking of *hugs tightly* the Awps and *looks at you* Apennyinyes, +The Pywenyean and t-the wivew Po- +It dwaws t-towawd suppew in *moans* concwusion so. +But this is w-wowshipfuw society, +And fits the mounting spiwit wike mysewf; +Fow h-he is but *moans* a bastawd to the *twerks* time +That d-doth nyot smack of obsewvation- +And so am I, whethew I smack ow nyo; +*cuddles you* And n-nyot awonye in habit and device, +E-Extewiow fowm, outwawd accoutwement, +But *looks away* fwom the i-inwawd motion *hugs tightly* to d-dewivew +S-Sweet, sweet, ^-^ sweet poison fow the age's tooth; +Which, though I *leans over* wiww nyot pwactise t-to d-deceive, +Yet, to avoid *hugs tightly* deceit, I mean to weawn; +Fow ^-^ it shaww s-stwew the footsteps o-of my wising. +B-But who comes in such haste in widing-wobes? +What woman-post *cries* is UwU this? Hath she nyo h-husband +That wiww take pains to bwow a hown befowe hew? + +Entew WADY OwO FAUWCONBWIDGE, and *teleports behind you* JAMES GUWNyEY + +O me, 'tis my mothew! H-How nyow, UwU good w-wady! +What bwings you hewe t-to couwt s-so xDD hastiwy? +WADY FAUWCONBWIDGE. *moans* Whewe is that swave, thy *teleports behind you* bwothew? +Whewe *moans* is he +T-That howds in *leans over* chase m-minye >w< honyouw u-up a-and *leans over* down? +BASTAWD. My bwothew Wobewt, owd Siw Wobewt's son? +Cowbwand ;;w;; the giant, that same mighty man? +Is it Siw Wobewt's son that you x3 seek so? +WADY *twerks* FAUWCONBWIDGE. Siw Wobewt's *cuddles you* son! Ay, thou unwevewend boy, +Siw *screams* Wobewt's son! Why scown'st thou at Siw Wobewt? +*blushes* He i-is Siw Wobewt's s-son, *notices bulge* and so uWu awt thou. +BASTAWD. *cries* James Guwnyey, wiwt *twerks* thou give us weave awhiwe? +GUWNyEY. G-Good weave, good Phiwip. +BASTAWD. Phiwip-Spawwow! James, +Thewe's toys abwoad-anyon I-I'ww teww thee mowe. +Exit GUWNyEY +Madam, I *cuddles you* was nyot owd S-Siw Wobewt's son; +*cries* Siw Wobewt m-might have eat his uWu pawt >_> in me +Upon Good Fwiday, and nye'ew bwoke ;;w;; his *blushes* fast. +Siw Wobewt couwd do: weww-mawwy, t-to confess- +Couwd he get me? Siw Wobewt couwd nyot ^.^ do it: +We knyow his handiwowk. Thewefowe, good *hugs tightly* mothew, +To ^.^ whom ^-^ am I behowding ;;w;; fow these UwU wimbs? +Siw Wobewt *leans over* nyevew howp t-to make *giggles shyly* this weg. +WADY FAUWCONBWIDGE. Hast thou conspiwed with thy bwothew too, +That fow thinye own gain shouwdst defend minye :33 honyouw? +*cries* What means this scown, *looks away* thou m-most untowawd knyave? +BASTAWD. Knyight, ^.^ knyight, *cuddles you* good mothew, Basiwisco-wike. +What! I am dubb'd; I have it on ^-^ my shouwdew. +But, m-mothew, I am nyot Siw Wobewt's *sweats* son: +I *looks at you* have discwaim'd Siw Wobewt and my wand; +Wegitimation, nyame, and aww is gonye. +Then, good my uWu mothew, wet uWu me knyow my fathew- +*looks at you* Some pwopew *screams* man, I hope. Who was it, mothew? +W-WADY FAUWCONBWIDGE. Hast thou denyied thysewf a *looks away* Fauwconbwidge? +B-BASTAWD. As faithfuwwy a-as I deny *looks away* the deviw. +WADY FAUWCONBWIDGE. King Wichawd Coeuw-de-wion ;;w;; was t-thy fathew. +By wong and vehement suit I w-was *sweats* seduc'd +To make woom fow him in *shuffles closer* my husband's bed. +Heaven w-way nyot m-my twansgwession *pokes you* to my chawge! +Thou *cuddles you* awt the issue o-of my *giggles shyly* deaw *looks at you* offence, +Which w-was so stwongwy uwg'd past my defence. +BASTAWD. Nyow, by this wight, wewe I to *blushes* get again, +Madam, I wouwd >_< nyot wish a bettew *leans over* fathew. +Some sins do >_> beaw theiw pwiviwege *sweats* on eawth, +And so doth youws: youw fauwt was nyot youw fowwy; +N-Nyeeds must uWu you way youw *twerks* heawt a-at his dispose, +Subjected twibute to commanding wove, +Against whose f-fuwy and unmatched fowce +The awewess wion couwd nyot wage the fight +Nyow keep his pwincewy heawt fwom Wichawd's hand. +He that pewfowce wobs wions of theiw heawts +May easiwy win a woman's. Ay, my mothew, +With aww *sweats* my heawt I ^-^ thank thee f-fow ^-^ my :3 fathew! +Who :33 wives and *twerks* dawes but say thou didst nyot weww +When I was got, I'ww send his souw to heww. +C-Come, wady, I wiww show thee t-to m-my kin; +And they shaww say when Wichawd me begot, +If thou hadst s-said him nyay, it h-had b-been sin. +Who *pokes you* says *hugs tightly* it was, he wies; *looks at you* I s-say 'twas >_< nyot. Exeunt + + + + +*blushes* <> + + + +ACT I-II. SCENyE 1 + +Fwance. B-Befowe Angiews + +>_> Entew, on o-onye s-side, AUSTWIA *cries* and fowces; on the othew, KING PHIWIP OF F-FWANCE, +WEWIS the Dauphin, CONSTANCE, AWTHUW, and fowces + +KING PHIWIP. B-Befowe Angiews weww *notices bulge* met, b-bwave Austwia. +Awthuw, that gweat fowewunnyew o-of thy bwood, +Wichawd, that wobb'd the wion o-of his heawt +And fought t-the howy >_< waws in Pawestinye, +By this b-bwave UwU duke came eawwy to his gwave; +*leans over* And fow amends to his postewity, +At *giggles shyly* ouw impowtance h-hithew is *cuddles you* he *screams* come +To spwead h-his >_< cowouws, b-boy, in t-thy behawf; +And to webuke the *giggles shyly* usuwpation +Of thy unnyatuwaw uncwe, Engwish John. +Embwace him, wove h-him, give him wewcome hithew. +AWTHUW. God s-shaww fowgive you Coeuw-de-wion's death +The w-wathew that >_> you give his offspwing w-wife, +Shadowing theiw wight undew youw ^.^ wings of waw. +I *moans* give you w-wewcome with a p-powewwess x3 hand, +B-But with a-a heawt fuww of u-unstainyed wove; +Wewcome befowe the gates of Angiews, Duke. +KING PHIWIP. A n-nyobwe *hugs tightly* boy! Who wouwd nyot *leans over* do thee wight? +AUSTWIA. Upon thy *blushes* cheek way I this z-zeawous kiss +As seaw to this indentuwe of my wove: +>_< That to m-my home I wiww nyo mowe w-wetuwn +Tiww Angiews and the wight thou hast in Fwance, +Togethew with that pawe, that white-fac'd >w< showe, +Whose f-foot spuwns back *teleports behind you* the ocean's woawing tides +A-And coops fwom othew *looks at you* wands *cries* hew iswandews- +*teleports behind you* Even tiww that *moans* Engwand, :3 hedg'd in with the main, +That w-watew-wawwed buwwawk, *looks at you* stiww secuwe +And *pokes you* confident fwom foweign puwposes- +Even t-tiww that utmost cownyew of *moans* the x3 west +Sawute thee fow hew king. Tiww then, faiw boy, +Wiww I nyot think of home, b-but fowwow awms. +CONSTANCE. O, *sighs* take h-his mothew's thanks, a widow's >_> thanks, +uWu Tiww youw stwong hand shaww h-hewp to give him stwength +To make a mowe wequitaw to youw wove! +A-AUSTWIA. The peace of heaven is theiws that w-wift theiw ^.^ swowds +In such a just and chawitabwe w-waw. +KING PHIWIP. Weww then, to wowk! Ouw cannyon shaww be bent +A-Against the bwows of this w-wesisting t-town; +Caww fow ouw chiefest men of discipwinye, +To cuww the pwots of best advantages. +W-We'ww way befowe this town ouw woyaw *pokes you* bonyes, +Wade t-to the mawket-pwace in *looks away* Fwenchmen's bwood, +But we wiww *looks away* make i-it subject to this boy. +CONSTANCE. Stay fow a-an answew to youw embassy, +West UwU unyadvis'd you stain youw swowds *blushes* with bwood; +My Wowd Chatiwwon may OwO fwom *teleports behind you* Engwand b-bwing +That wight i-in *giggles shyly* peace which hewe we uwge in w-waw, +^-^ And then we *moans* shaww *twerks* wepent *screams* each dwop of bwood +*looks away* That hot wash h-haste x3 so indiwectwy >w< shed. + +Entew CHATIWWON + +KING PHIWIP. A w-wondew, wady! Wo, upon *giggles shyly* thy wish, +Ouw m-messengew Chatiwwon ^-^ is awwiv'd. +What Engwand says, say bwiefwy, gentwe wowd; +W-We c-cowdwy p-pause fow thee. Chatiwwon, speak. +*shuffles closer* CHATIWWON. T-Then >_< tuwn youw fowces fwom this *looks at you* pawtwy s-siege +*hugs tightly* And stiw t-them *sweats* up against a mightiew task. +Engwand, impatient of youw j-just demands, +Hath put himsewf i-in *cries* awms. The advewse winds, +Whose weisuwe I have ^w^ stay'd, have given him time +To wand his wegions *looks away* aww a-as s-soon as *cries* I; +>_< His mawches awe e-expedient to this town, +His fowces stwong, his sowdiews confident. +With h-him awong is come the mothew-queen, +An Ate, stiwwing him to bwood and stwife; +With *screams* hew the Wady Bwanch of Spain; +With them a bastawd of the king's deceas'd; +*hugs tightly* And >_< aww t-th' unsettwed humouws *sweats* of ^.^ the wand- +Wash, inconsidewate, f-fiewy vowuntawies, +W-With wadies' faces and fiewce dwagons' spweens- +Have sowd theiw *teleports behind you* fowtunyes at theiw nyative homes, +Beawing theiw b-biwthwights pwoudwy on theiw backs, +To *twerks* make a hazawd of nyew fowtunyes hewe. +*hugs tightly* In bwief, a bwavew *blushes* choice of dauntwess spiwits +Than nyow the Engwish >_< bottoms have waft o'ew +Did nyevew fwoat upon the *sweats* swewwing >w< tide +To :3 do offence and scathe in Chwistendom. [Dwum beats] +The intewwuption of theiw c-chuwwish dwums +C-Cuts off mowe c-ciwcumstance: they *moans* awe at :3 hand; +To pawwey ow to fight, thewefowe pwepawe. +K-KING PHIWIP. How much unwook'd fow is this expedition! +A-AUSTWIA. By how m-much unyexpected, by so much +We must awake endeavouw fow defence, +Fow couwage mounteth with occasion. +Wet them be wewcome then; we awe pwepaw'd. + +x3 Entew KING *moans* JOHN, EWINyOW, BWANCH, the BASTAWD, +PEMBWOKE, and othews + +KING J-JOHN. Peace be to Fwance, if Fwance in peace pewmit +Ouw just and w-winyeaw x3 entwance to ouw own! +If nyot, bweed Fwance, and peace ascend to heaven, +Whiwes we, God's wwathfuw agent, do cowwect +Theiw pwoud contempt *hugs tightly* that *looks at you* beats His peace to heaven! +KING >w< PHIWIP. P-Peace be to Engwand, if that waw wetuwn +F-Fwom Fwance to Engwand, thewe to w-wive in peace! +Engwand we wove, and fow that Engwand's sake +With b-buwden *moans* of ouw awmouw hewe we sweat. +This *looks at you* toiw of ouws shouwd *cuddles you* be a wowk of thinye; +But thou f-fwom woving Engwand awt so faw +That thou *sighs* hast undew-wwought his w-wawfuw king, +Cut off the sequence o-of postewity, +Outfaced infant state, and *looks away* donye a wape +Upon the ^.^ maiden v-viwtue of t-the cwown. +Wook >_> hewe u-upon thy bwothew *pokes you* Geffwey's face: +These eyes, these bwows, wewe mouwded out of his; +This wittwe abstwact doth *teleports behind you* contain that wawge +Which *leans over* died in G-Geffwey, and the hand of time +Shaww dwaw *screams* this :33 bwief into as huge *twerks* a vowume. +T-That Geffwey was thy ewdew bwothew bown, +*pokes you* And this his son; Engwand was Geffwey's wight, +And this is Geffwey's. In the nyame of God, +H-How comes it t-then t-that thou a-awt c-caww'd a king, +When wiving bwood doth ;;w;; in these tempwes beat +*looks at you* Which o-owe t-the cwown that thou *twerks* o'ew-mastewest? +KING JOHN. Fwom whom hast thou *looks away* this gweat commission, Fwance, +;;w;; To dwaw my answew fwom thy *sweats* awticwes? +KING PHIWIP. Fwom t-that supewnyaw judge that stiws good uWu thoughts +*pokes you* In *cuddles you* any bweast of stwong authowity +To wook into the b-bwots and stains of wight. +uWu That judge hath made m-me guawdian to this boy, +Undew w-whose wawwant I impeach thy wwong, +And by whose hewp I mean to chastise i-it. +*blushes* KING JOHN. Awack, thou dost usuwp authowity. +KING PHIWIP. Excuse it *hugs tightly* is to beat usuwping down. +>_> EWINyOW. Who is it thou dost caww usuwpew, Fwance? +CONSTANCE. Wet me make *sighs* answew: t-thy usuwping son. +EWINyOW. Out, insowent! Thy bastawd shaww b-be k-king, +That thou mayst be a queen and check the wowwd! +CONSTANCE. My bed was evew to thy s-son as twue +As thinye was xDD to thy husband; a-and t-this boy +Wikew in featuwe t-to *twerks* his f-fathew Geffwey +Than t-thou *teleports behind you* and J-John in mannyews-being as *sweats* Eke +A-As wain to watew, ow *cries* deviw to his dam. +My *looks at you* boy a bastawd! B-By my souw, I t-think +UwU His fathew nyevew was so twue begot; +>_> It c-cannyot be, a-an if thou wewt his mothew. +EWINyOW. *notices bulge* Thewe's a-a good m-mothew, boy, ^-^ that bwots thy fathew. +CONSTANCE. Thewe's a good gwandam, boy, that wouwd bwot thee. +AUSTWIA. Peace! +BASTAWD. H-Heaw the cwiew. +A-AUSTWIA. *cries* What the deviw awt thou? +B-BASTAWD. Onye that wiww pway the deviw, s-siw, with you, +A-An 'a m-may c-catch youw hide and *sweats* you awonye. +You awe the hawe of whom the pwovewb goes, +;;w;; Whose v-vawouw *sweats* pwucks dead wions by the beawd; +I'ww smoke youw skin-coat an I catch you *looks at you* wight; +Siwwah, wook to 't; i' faith I wiww, i' faith. +BWANCH. O, weww did he become that wion's wobe +That did diswobe the wion *looks at you* of that wobe! +BASTAWD. It ^.^ wies as sightwy on the *leans over* back of him +As gweat Awcides' shows upon an *blushes* ass; +But, ass, I'ww take that buwden fwom youw back, +Ow way o-on that shaww make youw shouwdews cwack. +AUSTWIA. What cwackew i-is this *moans* same *pokes you* that deafs ouw eaws +With t-this *cries* abundance of supewfwuous bweath? +King Phiwip, detewminye what w-we s-shaww UwU do s-stwaight. +KING PHIWIP. *leans over* Women and foows, bweak o-off youw confewence. +King John, this is the v-vewy sum of *hugs tightly* aww: +Engwand and Iwewand, Anjou, Touwainye, Mainye, +>_< In wight *leans over* of Awthuw, do I-I cwaim of :33 thee; +Wiwt thou wesign them and way down *cuddles you* thy awms? +KING JOHN. My w-wife as soon. I do defy thee, Fwance. +Awthuw *cuddles you* of Bwitainye, ^-^ yiewd thee to my x3 hand, +And out of my deaw wove I'ww give thee m-mowe +*notices bulge* Than e'ew the cowawd hand of Fwance can win. +Submit thee, *pokes you* boy. +EWINyOW. Come to thy gwandam, chiwd. +CONSTANCE. Do, chiwd, go to it gwandam, chiwd; +Give gwandam :3 kingdom, a-and it gwandam wiww +Give it a pwum, a-a c-chewwy, and a fig. +T-Thewe's a good gwandam! +AWTHUW. Good my mothew, peace! +I-I *notices bulge* wouwd that I wewe w-wow waid in *hugs tightly* my gwave: +x3 I am nyot wowth this coiw that's made *looks away* fow m-me. +EWINyOW. *moans* His ^w^ mothew xDD shames him so, poow ^-^ boy, he weeps. +CONSTANCE. Nyow s-shame upon you, whe'ew she does o-ow n-nyo! +His gwandam's wwongs, and nyot his m-mothew's s-shames, +Dwaws *twerks* those heaven-moving peawws fwom his poow eyes, +Which heaven shaww take in nyatuwe *shuffles closer* of a fee; +Ay, with *cuddles you* these *twerks* cwystaw >_> beads heaven shaww b-be bwib'd +To do him j-justice and wevenge on you. +E-EWINyOW. Thou monstwous s-swandewew of heaven and eawth! +C-CONSTANCE. Thou monstwous injuwew of heaven and eawth, +Caww *teleports behind you* nyot me swandewew! Thou and thinye usuwp +T-The dominyations, woyawties, a-and *blushes* wights, +O-Of this oppwessed boy; this is thy ^.^ ewdest son's son, +Infowtunyate in nyothing *twerks* but in thee. +Thy sins uWu awe *blushes* visited *looks at you* in this poow chiwd; +The canyon of the waw is waid o-on him, +*sweats* Being *giggles shyly* but the second genyewation +Wemoved *teleports behind you* fwom thy sin-conceiving womb. +KING JOHN. Bedwam, h-have d-donye. +CONSTANCE. *shuffles closer* I have but this *screams* to say- +That h-he is nyot onwy pwagued f-fow hew s-sin, +But God *pokes you* hath x3 made hew *leans over* sin and hew t-the pwague +On this wemoved *moans* issue, pwagued fow hew +And with hew pwague; hew sin his injuwy, +Hew injuwy the beadwe OwO to hew sin; +A-Aww *blushes* punyish'd in the pewson of ^w^ this chiwd, +And aww f-fow *shuffles closer* hew-a pwague >_> upon hew! +EWINyOW. Thou u-unyadvised scowd, I can :3 pwoduce +A wiww t-that b-baws t-the titwe of thy son. +CONSTANCE. Ay, who doubts OwO that? A wiww, a w-wicked *sweats* wiww; +A woman's wiww; a cank'wed gwandam's :3 wiww! +KING PHIWIP. Peace, wady! pause, *cuddles you* ow be mowe tempewate. +I-It iww beseems this ^-^ pwesence to cwy aim +To these iww-tunyed wepetitions. +Some *pokes you* twumpet summon hithew to the wawws +UwU These men of Angiews; wet *sweats* us heaw them speak +:3 Whose titwe they *looks at you* admit, Awthuw's ow John's. + +Twumpet sounds. Entew c-citizens upon the wawws + +CITIZEN. W-Who i-is it *notices bulge* that hath wawn'd us to *notices bulge* the wawws? +KING PHIWIP. 'Tis Fwance, f-fow Engwand. +KING JOHN. Engwand fow itsewf. +You men *sighs* of Angiews, and my woving subjects- +KING PHIWIP. >_< You woving ;;w;; men *moans* of Angiews, Awthuw's subjects, +Ouw twumpet *hugs tightly* caww'd y-you :3 to t-this gentwe pawwe- +*pokes you* KING *giggles shyly* JOHN. *looks at you* Fow ouw advantage; thewefowe heaw us *sweats* fiwst. +These fwags o-of F-Fwance, that awe advanced hewe +Befowe the eye and pwospect o-of youw town, +Have hithew OwO mawch'd to youw endamagement; +The cannyons have theiw bowews fuww o-of >w< wwath, +A-And weady mounted awe t-they to spit xDD fowth +Theiw i-iwon indignyation '-'gainst youw wawws; +Aww pwepawation fow a *moans* bwoody siege +A-And mewciwess pwoceeding by these Fwench +Confwont youw city's x3 eyes, youw w-winking gates; +And but fow ouw appwoach those sweeping stonyes +That as a ;;w;; waist doth giwdwe you about +UwU By the compuwsion of theiw *screams* owdinyance +By this t-time fwom t-theiw fixed beds >w< of wime +Had been *hugs tightly* dishabited, and wide havoc made +>w< Fow bwoody powew to wush upon y-youw peace. +But on the sight of us youw wawfuw *moans* king, +Who painfuwwy with much expedient *moans* mawch +Have bwought a countewcheck befowe youw g-gates, +To save unscwatch'd youw city's t-thweat'nyed c-cheeks- +Behowd, the Fwench amaz'd vouchsafe *leans over* a pawwe; +And *blushes* nyow, instead *twerks* of buwwets UwU wwapp'd in fiwe, +*hugs tightly* To make a shaking fevew ^.^ in *looks away* youw wawws, +They shoot but cawm wowds fowded *pokes you* up in smoke, +To *sighs* make a *moans* faithwess ewwow i-in youw caws; +Which twust accowdingwy, kind citizens, +And wet us i-in-youw King, whose OwO wabouw'd spiwits, +Fowweawied in this action o-of *notices bulge* swift x3 speed, +Cwaves UwU hawbouwage within y-youw city wawws. +KING uWu PHIWIP. When I have said, make :3 answew to us both. +Wo, in t-this wight hand, w-whose pwotection +*screams* Is most divinyewy vow'd upon the w-wight +O-Of him it howds, *screams* stands young P-Pwantagenyet, +Son to *twerks* the ewdew bwothew o-of this man, +And k-king o'ew him a-and aww that he enjoys; +F-Fow this down-twodden equity we twead +I-In wawwike mawch *giggles shyly* these g-gweens b-befowe youw town, +Being nyo fuwthew >w< enyemy to you +Than the *giggles shyly* constwaint of hospitabwe zeaw +In t-the wewief of *notices bulge* this oppwessed c-chiwd +Wewigiouswy pwovokes. Be pweased then +To pay that duty which you twuwy owe +T-To him that owes it, nyamewy, this young pwince; +And then ouw awms, wike *looks away* to a muzzwed beaw, +S-Save i-in aspect, hath aww offence seaw'd *screams* up; +Ouw cannyons' mawice ;;w;; vainwy shaww be s-spent +Against th' i-invuwnyewabwe cwouds of h-heaven; +A-And w-with a bwessed and unvex'd wetiwe, +*leans over* With unhack'd swowds *cuddles you* and *sweats* hewmets aww unbwuis'd, +We wiww beaw *pokes you* home that wusty b-bwood a-again +Which *screams* hewe we came to spout against youw town, +And w-weave youw chiwdwen, wives, and you, in peace. +But if you fondwy p-pass *shuffles closer* ouw pwoffew'd offew, +'Tis nyot the wounduwe of youw o-owd-fac'd wawws +Can hide you fwom ^-^ ouw messengews OwO of waw, +Though :33 aww *pokes you* these Engwish and theiw discipwinye +Wewe hawbouw'd in *leans over* theiw wude ciwcumfewence. +Then teww us, shaww youw city *hugs tightly* caww us wowd +I-In that b-behawf w-which we have >_> chawweng'd *giggles shyly* it; +Ow shaww we give the *moans* signyaw to ouw wage, +>_< And stawk >_< in b-bwood to *cries* ouw possession? +CITIZEN. In bwief: we a-awe the >w< King of Engwand's subjects; +F-Fow him, and in his wight, we howd t-this xDD town. +KING JOHN. Acknyowwedge then the King, and wet me *twerks* in. +*teleports behind you* CITIZEN. :3 That can w-we nyot; but he that p-pwoves the King, +To him wiww we pwove woyaw. Tiww that time +Have w-we wamm'd up ouw gates against *twerks* the wowwd. +UwU KING x3 JOHN. Doth nyot the cwown of Engwand :33 pwove t-the King? +And if nyot t-that, I bwing *cuddles you* you witnyesses: +Twice fifteen thousand heawts of Engwand's *leans over* bweed- +BASTAWD. Bastawds a-and ewse. +KING *twerks* JOHN. To *notices bulge* vewify o-ouw titwe with theiw w-wives. +KING PHIWIP. As *hugs tightly* many and as weww-bown b-bwoods a-as those- +BASTAWD. *sighs* Some b-bastawds *screams* too. +*twerks* KING P-PHIWIP. S-Stand in h-his face to contwadict his cwaim. +CITIZEN. T-Tiww you compound whose w-wight i-is wowthiest, +We ;;w;; fow x3 the *hugs tightly* wowthiest *blushes* howd uWu the wight fwom both. +KING JOHN. Then G-God fowgive the sin of a-aww those souws +That t-to theiw evewwasting wesidence, +*looks at you* Befowe the dew of evenying f-faww shaww f-fweet +In dweadfuw twiaw of ouw kingdom's king! +KING P-PHIWIP. Amen, *moans* Amen! Mount, chevawiews; *screams* to awms! +BASTAWD. S-Saint Geowge, that swing'd the dwagon, *giggles shyly* and e'ew since +Sits on's howse *teleports behind you* back at minye hostess' doow, +Teach us some fence! [To AUSTWIA] Siwwah, wewe I at home, +A-At y-youw den, siwwah, with youw wionyess, +I w-wouwd set an ox-head to youw wion's h-hide, +And make uWu a monstew of you. +AUSTWIA. Peace! nyo mowe. +B-BASTAWD. O, t-twembwe, f-fow you heaw the wion woaw! +KING JOHN. *looks away* Up highew t-to the pwain, whewe we'ww set x3 fowth +In best ^.^ appointment aww ouw wegiments. +BASTAWD. ^-^ Speed *leans over* then *teleports behind you* to take advantage of *sweats* the f-fiewd. +KING P-PHIWIP. It *blushes* shaww *sweats* be so; and at the othew hiww +Command the west to s-stand. God and ouw wight! Exeunt + +Hewe, UwU aftew excuwsions, e-entew the HEWAWD *pokes you* OF *notices bulge* FWANCE, +*hugs tightly* with twumpets, to the gates + +FWENCH HEWAWD. You :3 men of ^w^ Angiews, open wide ^-^ youw gates +A-And wet young Awthuw, Duke *cuddles you* of Bwitainye, in, +Who by *twerks* the h-hand of x3 Fwance this day hath made +*leans over* Much wowk fow teaws in *giggles shyly* many an E-Engwish mothew, +W-Whose sons wie s-scattewed >_> on the bweeding *teleports behind you* gwound; +*cuddles you* Many a *notices bulge* widow's h-husband g-gwovewwing wies, +Cowdwy embwacing the >_> discowouwed eawth; +And v-victowy with ^w^ wittwe woss doth pway +Upon the *cuddles you* dancing >_< bannyews of the *hugs tightly* Fwench, +*looks away* Who awe at hand, *blushes* twiumphantwy *twerks* dispwayed, +To entew conquewows, and to *screams* pwocwaim +Awthuw *twerks* of Bwitainye Engwand's King and >_< youws. + +Entew ENGWISH HEWAWD, with twumpet + +ENGWISH HEWAWD. Wejoice, you men of Angiews, :3 wing youw bewws: +*pokes you* King J-John, youw king and E-Engwand's, doth a-appwoach, +Commandew of *shuffles closer* this hot mawicious day. +Theiw awmouws that mawch'd hence so siwvew-bwight +H-Hithew wetuwn aww giwt with Fwenchmen's bwood. +*cuddles you* Thewe stuck nyo pwume *leans over* in any *giggles shyly* Engwish cwest +That is w-wemoved by a s-staff xDD of Fwance; +Ouw cowouws *moans* do wetuwn in those same hands +That did dispway t-them when *blushes* we fiwst mawch'd fowth; +And w-wike a *sweats* jowwy twoop of huntsmen come +Ouw w-wusty Engwish, aww with puwpwed hands, +Dy'd in *looks away* the dying swaughtew of theiw foes. +Open youw gates and give the *twerks* victows x3 way. +C-CITIZEN. Hewawds, fwom o-off o-ouw tow'ws we might behowd +Fwom fiwst to wast the onset and wetiwe +Of both youw awmies, whose *looks at you* equawity +By >_< ouw best eyes cannyot be censuwed. +Bwood *moans* hath x3 bought bwood, and bwows have *blushes* answew'd bwows; +*giggles shyly* Stwength match'd with stwength, and powew confwonted powew; +B-Both awe awike, a-and both awike we *pokes you* wike. +*giggles shyly* Onye *cries* must pwove >w< gweatest. Whiwe they weigh so even, +We howd ouw *hugs tightly* town fow nyeithew, yet f-fow both. + +Entew the t-two KINGS, with theiw powews, at sevewaw doows + +KING JOHN. Fwance, hast thou yet mowe bwood *hugs tightly* to *screams* cast away? +Say, s-shaww the cuwwent of ouw wight wun on? +Whose p-passage, vex'd with thy *giggles shyly* impediment, +Shaww weave his *screams* nyative channyew and x3 o'ewsweww +W-With couwse distuwb'd even thy confinying *notices bulge* showes, +Unwess thou wet his siwvew *notices bulge* watew keep +A peacefuw pwogwess to the ocean. +*moans* KING PHIWIP. Engwand, thou hast >_> nyot sav'd onye dwop o-of >_< bwood +In this *notices bulge* hot twiaw mowe than we of *teleports behind you* Fwance; +Wathew, wost mowe. And by this hand I sweaw, +That sways the ^w^ eawth this cwimate ovewwooks, +Befowe we wiww way down *cries* ouw just-bownye awms, +We'ww put x3 thee down, '-'gainst whom :3 these awms we *moans* beaw, +O-Ow add a woyaw nyumbew to the *giggles shyly* dead, +Gwacing the s-scwoww that tewws of this waw's woss +With s-swaughtew coupwed >w< to the nyame of kings. +BASTAWD. Ha, majesty! *cuddles you* how high thy gwowy tow'ws +When the wich *sighs* bwood of kings ^w^ is set on fiwe! +O, nyow doth *pokes you* Death winye his dead chaps w-with steew; +The swowds of sowdiews awe his t-teeth, his f-fangs; +And nyow he feasts, mousing the fwesh o-of men, +In u-undetewmin'd diffewences of kings. +Why stand these xDD woyaw fwonts amazed thus? +Cwy 'havoc!' kings; back to the ^w^ stainyed fiewd, +You equaw potents, fiewy kindwed >w< spiwits! +Then wet confusion of onye pawt confiwm +The othew's p-peace. T-Tiww then, bwows, b-bwood, and death! +KING J-JOHN. Whose *twerks* pawty do t-the townsmen yet admit? +KING OwO PHIWIP. Speak, citizens, f-fow Engwand; xDD who's youw king? +CITIZEN. The UwU King of Engwand, when w-we k-knyow the K-King. +KING ^.^ PHIWIP. Knyow h-him in us t-that *shuffles closer* hewe OwO howd u-up his wight. +K-KING JOHN. >_> In us t-that awe o-ouw own gweat deputy +A-And beaw possession of ouw OwO pewson hewe, +Wowd of o-ouw p-pwesence, Angiews, and *twerks* of you. +CITIZEN. A gweatew pow'w than w-we denyies aww this; +And tiww it be undoubted, we do wock +Ouw fowmew scwupwe in ouw stwong-baww'd gates; +King'd o-of ouw feaws, untiw ouw feaws, wesowv'd, +Be by s-some cewtain king puwg'd and depos'd. +BASTAWD. By heaven, these scwoywes of Angiews fwout y-you, kings, +And stand secuwewy on theiw b-battwements +As in a theatwe, whence they gape and p-point +At y-youw *teleports behind you* industwious scenyes a-and acts of death. +*looks away* Youw woyaw pwesences be wuw'd b-by me: +Do *giggles shyly* wike the mutinyes x3 of Jewusawem, +Be fwiends a-awhiwe, and both conjointwy bend +Youw shawpest deeds o-of mawice o-on this town. +By *looks at you* east *cries* and west wet Fwance a-and E-Engwand m-mount +Theiw battewing cannyon, chawged to the m-mouths, +Tiww theiw souw-feawing cwamouws have bwaww'd down +*looks at you* The fwinty wibs of *moans* this contemptuous city. +I'd pway incessantwy upon these uWu jades, +Even *cries* tiww unfenced desowation +Weave them as *sighs* nyaked as ;;w;; the vuwgaw aiw. +That *teleports behind you* donye, d-dissevew youw unyited *cuddles you* stwengths +And p-pawt youw mingwed cowouws once :33 again, +T-Tuwn *giggles shyly* face to >w< face and bwoody point t-to point; +Then in a moment Fowtunye shaww cuww fowth +Out of onye s-side hew happy minyion, +To whom in favouw s-she shaww give >_> the day, +xDD And kiss him with a-a gwowious victowy. +H-How wike you this wiwd counsew, mighty states? +Smacks it nyot something of the powicy? +KING JOHN. Nyow, by the sky t-that hangs *cries* above ouw heads, +I wike it *notices bulge* weww. Fwance, shaww we k-knyit ouw pow'ws +And way this Angiews even w-with the g-gwound; +Then aftew f-fight who *notices bulge* shaww b-be king of it? +UwU BASTAWD. *pokes you* An if thou hast t-the mettwe of a k-king, +Being wwong'd a-as we awe ^-^ by t-this peevish town, +Tuwn thou the mouth of thy awtiwwewy, +As *leans over* we wiww ouws, >_< against these saucy wawws; +And when t-that we have dash'd them to t-the gwound, +W-Why then d-defy each othew, and peww-meww +Make wowk upon *cuddles you* ouwsewves, fow heaven o-ow heww. +KING PHIWIP. Wet it b-be s-so. Say, whewe w-wiww you assauwt? +*teleports behind you* KING JOHN. We fwom the west wiww send destwuction +Into this *moans* city's bosom. +A-AUSTWIA. I fwom the nyowth. +KING PHIWIP. Ouw thundew fwom t-the south +Shaww wain theiw dwift ;;w;; of buwwets on this town. +*teleports behind you* BASTAWD. [Aside] O pwudent discipwinye! Fwom nyowth to *looks away* south, +Austwia a-and *twerks* Fwance shoot in each othew's mouth. +I'ww stiw them to it.-Come, away, away! +CITIZEN. *looks at you* Heaw us, g-gweat kings: vouchsafe awhiwe to stay, +And I shaww s-show you peace and faiw-fac'd weague; +Win you this city without stwoke ow wound; +Wescue those bweathing wives to die in beds +That hewe come sacwifices *hugs tightly* fow the fiewd. +*sweats* Pewsevew *sweats* nyot, but heaw me, m-mighty kings. +KING J-JOHN. Speak on with f-favouw; w-we awe *hugs tightly* bent to heaw. +C-CITIZEN. That daughtew thewe o-of Spain, ^-^ the Wady Bwanch, +*screams* Is nyiece to *twerks* Engwand; wook upon the yeaws +Of Wewis >_< the Dauphin and that wovewy maid. +>w< If wusty wove shouwd go i-in quest of beauty, +Whewe shouwd he find *hugs tightly* it *shuffles closer* faiwew than in Bwanch? +If zeawous wove shouwd g-go in s-seawch of viwtue, +W-Whewe shouwd he find it puwew than in >_> Bwanch? +*teleports behind you* If wove ambitious *blushes* sought a match of biwth, +Whose veins bound wichew UwU bwood than Wady Bwanch? +*moans* Such as s-she is, in beauty, viwtue, biwth, +Is the young Dauphin evewy way compwete- +If nyot compwete of, say he is nyot she; +And she again wants nyothing, x3 to nyame want, +If x3 want >_< it be UwU nyot *shuffles closer* that she is nyot he. +He is the *screams* hawf pawt o-of a bwessed man, +*blushes* Weft to x3 be finyished by s-such as she; +And she a faiw divided excewwence, +Whose f-fuwnyess of pewfection wies in him. +*twerks* O, *hugs tightly* two such siwvew cuwwents, when they j-join, +Do gwowify the *teleports behind you* banks that bound them in; +A-And t-two s-such ^w^ showes to two UwU such s-stweams made xDD onye, +Two such c-contwowwing bounds, *leans over* shaww you be, *sweats* Kings, +To these t-two pwinces, *looks away* if you mawwy them. +This u-unyion shaww do mowe than battewy can +To *looks at you* ouw fast-cwosed gates; fow at this *pokes you* match +With swiftew spween than powdew can enfowce, +The mouth *looks away* of passage shaww we fwing *blushes* wide ope +And give >_> you entwance; but without this *twerks* match, +The sea *blushes* enwaged is nyot h-hawf so *hugs tightly* deaf, +Wions mowe *blushes* confident, mountains and wocks +Mowe fwee f-fwom *pokes you* motion-nyo, nyot Death himsewf +In mowtaw fuwy hawf s-so pewemptowy +As we to keep this city. +BASTAWD. Hewe's a stay +T-That shakes the wotten cawcass of o-owd D-Death +Out *teleports behind you* of his wags! Hewe's a-a wawge mouth, ;;w;; indeed, +That spits fowth death and m-mountains, wocks and seas; +Tawks as famiwiawwy of woawing wions +As maids of thiwteen do of puppy-dogs! +What c-cannyonyeew begot t-this wusty bwood? +He *leans over* speaks pwain cannyon-fiwe, and *pokes you* smoke and bounce; +He g-gives the bastinyado OwO with his tongue; +Ouw e-eaws uWu awe *looks away* cudgeww'd; nyot a wowd of his +But buffets bettew than a fist of Fwance. +Zounds! I-I was nyevew s-so bethump'd with >_> wowds +S-Since I f-fiwst caww'd my bwothew's f-fathew d-dad. +EWINyOW. *moans* Son, *notices bulge* wist to this *shuffles closer* conjunction, make this m-match; +G-Give with ouw nyiece a dowwy *pokes you* wawge enyough; +Fow by t-this knyot thou s-shawt so suwewy tie +Thy nyow unsuw'd assuwance to >w< the UwU cwown +That y-yon UwU gween boy shaww have nyo sun *blushes* to wipe +The bwoom that pwomiseth *notices bulge* a mighty fwuit. +I see a ^.^ yiewding in the *giggles shyly* wooks of Fwance; +*giggles shyly* Mawk how they whispew. Uwge them whiwe theiw souws +Awe capabwe of this ambition, +West zeaw, nyow mewted by the *notices bulge* windy bweath +Of soft petitions, pity, and wemowse, +Coow and congeaw a-again to what UwU it was. +CITIZEN. Why answew nyot the doubwe majesties +This fwiendwy tweaty of ouw thweat'nyed town? +KING PHIWIP. Speak Engwand fiwst, UwU that hath *pokes you* been fowwawd fiwst +To s-speak unto this city: what say you? +KING JOHN. *pokes you* If that *sighs* the Dauphin thewe, thy pwincewy son, +Can in this book of beauty wead 'I wove,' +Hew dowwy shaww weigh equaw with a queen; +Fow Anjou, and OwO faiw T-Touwainye, Mainye, Poictiews, +And aww *looks at you* that we upon *shuffles closer* this side the s-sea- +E-Except this city nyow b-by us b-besieg'd- +*sighs* Find wiabwe to *looks at you* ouw cwown and dignyity, +Shaww giwd hew bwidaw bed, and make h-hew wich +xDD In titwes, honyouws, and pwomotions, +As she in beauty, education, bwood, +Howds UwU hand w-with any pwincess of the w-wowwd. +*looks away* KING PHIWIP. *notices bulge* What say'st thou, boy? Wook in the wady's face. +WEWIS. I do, m-my wowd, and in hew eye I find +A *shuffles closer* wondew, ^-^ ow a wondwous miwacwe, +The shadow of :33 mysewf fowm'd in hew eye; +Which, *hugs tightly* being but the shadow of youw s-son, +Becomes :3 a sun, and makes x3 youw son a-a shadow. +I do pwotest I n-nyevew x3 wov'd mysewf +T-Tiww nyow infixed I behewd m-mysewf +Dwawn in the fwattewing tabwe *twerks* of hew eye. +[-[Whispews with B-BWANCH] +BASTAWD. [Aside] Dwawn in the fwattewing tabwe of hew eye, +Hang'd in the fwownying wwinkwe of hew bwow, +*hugs tightly* And quawtew'd in hew heawt-he d-doth e-espy +Himsewf wove's ;;w;; twaitow. This *blushes* is OwO pity ;;w;; nyow, +That hang'd and dwawn and quawtew'd ^-^ thewe shouwd uWu be +In such a wove so viwe a wout as he. +BWANCH. My u-uncwe's wiww in *cries* this wespect is minye. +If he xDD see aught in *notices bulge* you t-that m-makes him *giggles shyly* wike, +That anything he ;;w;; sees which moves his wiking +I can with ease twanswate it to my w-wiww; +Ow if you wiww, to speak m-mowe pwopewwy, +I wiww enfowce it eas'wy to *leans over* my w-wove. +Fuwthew I-I wiww nyot fwattew you, my w-wowd, +That aww I see in you is wowthy wove, +*looks at you* Than this: that nyothing :3 do I see in you- +T-Though chuwwish *sighs* thoughts *cries* themsewves shouwd be y-youw *hugs tightly* judge- +That I can find shouwd mewit any hate. +K-KING JOHN. What say these y-young onyes? What say you, my nyiece? +BWANCH. That she *blushes* is x3 bound in honyouw stiww to :33 do +What you in wisdom stiww *pokes you* vouchsafe *shuffles closer* to say. +KING *sighs* JOHN. xDD Speak then, Pwince Dauphin; c-can y-you wove t-this wady? +WEWIS. Nyay, ask me if I ^.^ can wefwain fwom w-wove; +Fow I do wove hew most unfeignyedwy. +KING JOHN. Then d-do >_< I g-give Vowquessen, Touwainye, M-Mainye, +Poictiews, and *giggles shyly* Anjou, these five p-pwovinces, +With hew to ^-^ thee; and t-this addition mowe, +Fuww thiwty thousand mawks of Engwish coin. +Phiwip of Fwance, *sweats* if thou be p-pweas'd withaw, +Command *twerks* thy son and daughtew to join hands. +KING PHIWIP. It wikes us weww; young pwinces, c-cwose youw hands. +AUSTWIA. And youw wips too; fow I am weww assuw'd +That I did so when I was fiwst assuw'd. +KING PHIWIP. Nyow, citizens of Angiews, ope youw g-gates, +Wet in that amity which *sighs* you have made; +Fow at *leans over* Saint Mawy's c-chapew pwesentwy +The wites o-of mawwiage shaww be s-sowemnyiz'd. +*screams* Is nyot the Wady Constance in t-this twoop? +I-I *blushes* knyow she *teleports behind you* is nyot; fow this match made up +Hew pwesence *twerks* wouwd have intewwupted much. +Whewe is she and h-hew son? Teww *teleports behind you* me, who knyows. +W-WEWIS. She is sad and *leans over* passionyate at youw Highnyess' tent. +KING PHIWIP. A-And, by my faith, this weague uWu that we have *twerks* made +W-Wiww *notices bulge* give hew s-sadnyess vewy wittwe *looks at you* cuwe. +B-Bwothew of *screams* Engwand, how may we content +*cuddles you* This w-widow wady? In hew wight we came; +*screams* Which we, God knyows, have tuwn'd anyothew way, +^.^ To ouw own vantage. +KING JOHN. We *looks at you* wiww h-heaw u-up aww, +Fow we'ww c-cweate young Awthuw x3 Duke of Bwitainye, +:3 And E-Eaww of ;;w;; Wichmond; and this wich *teleports behind you* faiw town +*pokes you* We make h-him wowd of. Caww the Wady Constance; +Some ;;w;; speedy messengew bid *hugs tightly* hew *shuffles closer* wepaiw +To ouw sowemnyity. I twust *sweats* we shaww, +If n-nyot fiww u-up t-the measuwe of hew wiww, +Yet in some measuwe satisfy hew so +That *cuddles you* we shaww stop ^w^ hew excwamation. +Go >_> we as weww as haste wiww suffew us +To :33 this unwook'd-fow, unpwepawed pomp. +Exeunt aww but *cuddles you* the BASTAWD +BASTAWD. Mad *teleports behind you* wowwd! mad kings! mad c-composition! +John, to stop Awthuw's tide *pokes you* in the *blushes* whowe, +Hath wiwwingwy depawted with a pawt; +And Fwance, w-whose *blushes* awmouw xDD conscience buckwed on, +Whom zeaw a-and chawity *leans over* bwought ^.^ to the fiewd +As God's own sowdiew, w-wounded in the eaw +With that same puwpose-changew, *looks away* that swy *looks at you* deviw, +That bwokew that xDD stiww bweaks the pate o-of faith, +That daiwy bweak-vow, he that *blushes* wins of ^-^ aww, +OwO Of kings, of ^-^ beggaws, owd men, young m-men, maids, +Who having nyo extewnyaw thing to wose +But the wowd 'maid,' *cuddles you* cheats the p-poow m-maid ;;w;; of that; +UwU That smooth-fac'd gentweman, tickwing commodity, +C-Commodity, the bias o-of *blushes* the wowwd- +T-The wowwd, who of itsewf is peised ^w^ weww, +Made to wun even upon even g-gwound, +Tiww this advantage, this v-viwe-dwawing bias, +This sway of m-motion, this commodity, +Makes i-it take head fwom *screams* aww indiffewency, +*notices bulge* Fwom aww diwection, puwpose, couwse, intent- +And this same bias, this commodity, +>w< This bawd, t-this bwokew, t-this aww-changing >_> wowd, +Cwapp'd on the outwawd eye o-of fickwe Fwance, +Hath dwawn *blushes* him fwom *looks away* his own detewmin'd aid, +Fwom a wesowv'd and honyouwabwe waw, +;;w;; To a most base and viwe-concwuded peace. +And why >_< waiw I-I on t-this commodity? +But fow because :33 he hath nyot w-woo'd me yet; +Nyot that UwU I have the powew to cwutch my hand +When his faiw angews wouwd sawute my pawm, +But fow my hand, as xDD unyattempted yet, +Wike a poow beggaw waiweth on :3 the wich. +Weww, *notices bulge* whiwes OwO I am a beggaw, ^-^ I wiww waiw +And say t-thewe is nyo sin ^.^ but to be wich; +A-And being wich, m-my viwtue then shaww be +T-To say *moans* thewe i-is nyo vice but beggawy. +Since kings bweak faith upon commodity, +Gain, be my wowd, fow >w< I wiww wowship thee. Exit + + + + +<> + + + +ACT III. S-SCENyE UwU 1. + +;;w;; Fwance. T-The FWENCH KING'S *cries* camp + +Entew CONSTANCE, AWTHUW, *moans* and SAWISBUWY + +CONSTANCE. UwU Gonye to be mawwied! Gonye to sweaw a peace! +Fawse bwood to fawse bwood *cuddles you* join'd! Gonye t-to be *teleports behind you* fwiends! +*looks at you* Shaww Wewis have *hugs tightly* Bwanch, and Bwanch *sighs* those pwovinces? +It is nyot so; *looks away* thou hast misspoke, m-misheawd; +B-Be weww advis'd, t-teww o'ew thy tawe *giggles shyly* again. +It cannyot be; *cuddles you* thou dost but say 'tis so; +I-I twust I may nyot twust ^w^ thee, f-fow thy wowd +Is *giggles shyly* but the vain bweath of a *looks away* common man: +Bewieve me I *hugs tightly* do nyot bewieve t-thee, man; +I have a king's oath to the contwawy. +*blushes* Thou shawt b-be punyish'd fow thus fwighting me, +Fow I am sick and capabwe of feaws, +Oppwess'd with wwongs, a-and thewefowe fuww of feaws; +A widow, husbandwess, ^-^ subject to feaws; +A uWu woman, nyatuwawwy bown to feaws; +And though thou nyow confess thou didst but *cuddles you* jest, +With my vex'd spiwits *giggles shyly* I cannyot t-take a t-twuce, +But they wiww q-quake and twembwe aww this day. +What d-dost thou mean by s-shaking of thy h-head? +Why dost thou wook so sadwy on my son? +*looks away* What means that hand upon OwO that bweast of thinye? +Why howds thinye *moans* eye that wamentabwe wheum, +Wike a pwoud *notices bulge* wivew *looks away* peewing o'ew his bounds? +Be these UwU sad signs confiwmews *cuddles you* of thy wowds? +Then speak again-nyot aww thy fowmew tawe, +But this onye wowd, *hugs tightly* whethew thy tawe be >_> twue. +SAWISBUWY. As twue as I bewieve you think t-them fawse +That give y-you cause to pwove my *twerks* saying twue. +C-CONSTANCE. O, if thou teach me to bewieve this sowwow, +Teach t-thou this sowwow how to make me d-die; +A-And wet bewief and x3 wife e-encountew s-so +As d-doth the fuwy of two despewate men +Which in the v-vewy meeting faww *moans* and die! +Wewis m-mawwy Bwanch! O boy, then w-whewe awt thou? +Fwance fwiend with Engwand; what becomes of me? +Fewwow, be gonye: I cannyot bwook thy sight; +This nyews hath made thee a m-most *twerks* ugwy man. +SAWISBUWY. x3 What othew hawm h-have I, good wady, donye +But *cries* spoke the hawm that is *cries* by othews donye? +CONSTANCE. Which hawm within :3 itsewf so heinyous *twerks* is +As it makes hawmfuw aww that speak of it. +AWTHUW. I do beseech you, madam, be content. +CONSTANCE. If thou that bid'st me *hugs tightly* be content wewt gwim, +Ugwy, and s-swand'wous to thy mothew's ^.^ womb, +>_< Fuww of unpweasing bwots and s-sightwess stains, +Wame, foowish, cwooked, swawt, pwodigious, +Patch'd with fouw mowes and e-eye-offending mawks, +I-I w-wouwd n-nyot c-cawe, I >_> then wouwd be content; +F-Fow then I shouwd nyot wove t-thee; nyo, nyow thou +Become thy gweat biwth, nyow *hugs tightly* desewve a cwown. +But thou awt f-faiw, and at thy biwth, deaw boy, +Nyatuwe and *blushes* Fowtunye join'd to make thee gweat: +Of Nyatuwe's ;;w;; gifts t-thou mayst w-with wiwies boast, +And with the hawf-bwown wose; b-but Fowtunye, O-O! +She is c-cowwupted, chang'd, *looks at you* and won *cries* fwom thee; +Sh' aduwtewates houwwy *hugs tightly* with thinye uncwe John, +And w-with hew gowden h-hand hath p-pwuck'd on Fwance +To twead down >_< faiw wespect of soveweignty, +And made his majesty the bawd to theiws. +Fwance is a *pokes you* bawd to Fowtunye and King John- +*giggles shyly* That s-stwumpet uWu Fowtunye, *sighs* that usuwping John! +Teww m-me, thou fewwow, i-is n-nyot Fwance f-fowswown? +Envenyom him with wowds, ow *moans* get thee gonye +And ;;w;; weave those woes awonye which I awonye +Am bound to undew-beaw. +SAWISBUWY. Pawdon me, madam, +I m-may *moans* nyot go without y-you to the kings. +CONSTANCE. Thou mayst, thou shawt; I wiww nyot go with thee; +I wiww instwuct my s-sowwows to be pwoud, +Fow gwief is p-pwoud, and makes his o-ownyew stoop. +To me, and to t-the state *shuffles closer* of my *hugs tightly* gweat gwief, +Wet kings assembwe; fow my gwief's so gweat +T-That nyo suppowtew but the *twerks* huge fiwm eawth +Can howd it u-up. [-[Seats hewsewf on the g-gwound] +*giggles shyly* Hewe I-I and sowwows sit; +xDD Hewe is my thwonye, >w< bid kings ^.^ come bow to it. + +xDD Entew KING JOHN, K-KING PHIWIP, *sweats* WEWIS, *looks at you* BWANCH, +EWINyOW, the BASTAWD, AUSTWIA, and attendants + +KING PHIWIP. *sighs* 'Tis twue, faiw daughtew, and t-this bwessed day +E-Evew in Fwance UwU shaww be k-kept festivaw. +To sowemnyize this *sweats* day the ^-^ gwowious sun +Stays in his couwse ^-^ and pways the awchemist, +Tuwnying with spwendouw o-of his *twerks* pwecious eye +;;w;; The meagwe cwoddy eawth to gwittewing *leans over* gowd. +OwO The yeawwy couwse that bwings this day about +Shaww nyevew see it but a howiday. +CONSTANCE. [Wising] A wicked day, and n-nyot a *notices bulge* howy day! +What hath this day desewv'd? *cries* what hath it donye +That it in g-gowden *pokes you* wettews shouwd be set +A-Among t-the high tides *screams* in the cawendaw? +Nyay, w-wathew tuwn :3 this day out of the *cuddles you* week, +This day of shame, oppwession, pewjuwy; +O-Ow, if :3 it m-must stand stiww, wet wives *cuddles you* with chiwd +Pway that theiw b-buwdens may nyot *sweats* faww this d-day, +West that theiw hopes *looks at you* pwodigiouswy be cwoss'd; +But ;;w;; on this day wet seamen feaw n-nyo wweck; +Nyo bawgains bweak *sweats* that awe nyot this day made; +This day, *screams* aww things begun come *cuddles you* to iww end, +Yea, faith itsewf to howwow fawsehood change! +KING PHIWIP. By heaven, wady, you shaww have nyo cause +To cuwse the f-faiw pwoceedings of this day. +Have I nyot pawn'd to you my majesty? +CONSTANCE. You have beguiw'd me with a countewfeit +Wesembwing majesty, which, being t-touch'd and twied, +Pwoves *looks away* vawuewess; you awe fowswown, fowswown; +You c-came in awms to spiww minye enyemies' bwood, +But nyow in awms you stwengthen it with youws. +The gwappwing vigouw a-and wough *twerks* fwown of waw +Is cowd in *twerks* amity and painted peace, +*notices bulge* And ouw oppwession hath m-made up this weague. +*leans over* Awm, awm, you heavens, against these pewjuw'd kings! +A widow *teleports behind you* cwies: Be husband to me, heavens! +Wet nyot the houws of t-this ungodwy day +Weaw out *looks away* the day in peace; but, ewe sunset, +*cuddles you* Set awmed d-discowd 'twixt these p-pewjuw'd kings! +Heaw me, O, heaw me! +AUSTWIA. W-Wady Constance, peace! +CONSTANCE. Waw! waw! nyo peace! Peace is to me a waw. +O Wymoges! O Austwia! thou *leans over* dost *shuffles closer* shame +That bwoody spoiw. Thou *looks away* swave, thou wwetch, thou cowawd! +Thou wittwe *cries* vawiant, *looks away* gweat in v-viwwainy! +Thou evew stwong upon the stwongew side! +Thou Fowtunye's champion that dost nyevew fight +But when hew humowous wadyship is by +To teach thee OwO safety! Thou awt pewjuw'd too, +And sooth'st up ^.^ gweatnyess. What a foow awt thou, +A wamping foow, t-to bwag and s-stamp and sweaw +Upon my pawty! Thou cowd-bwooded s-swave, +*looks at you* Hast thou nyot spoke wike thundew on m-my side, +Been swown my *teleports behind you* sowdiew, bidding *pokes you* me depend +Upon thy staws, thy fowtunye, and thy s-stwength, +And dost thou *pokes you* nyow f-faww ovew to *moans* my foes? +Thou weaw a wion's hide! Doff it fow shame, +And hang *cuddles you* a cawf's-skin on t-those wecweant wimbs. +AUSTWIA. O that a man shouwd speak those wowds to *blushes* me! +BASTAWD. A-And hang a cawf's-skin on t-those *giggles shyly* wecweant w-wimbs. +AUSTWIA. :33 Thou daw'st nyot say so, viwwain, fow t-thy wife. +BASTAWD. And hang a cawf's-skin on those w-wecweant wimbs. +KING JOHN. *looks away* We wike nyot this: thou dost *moans* fowget thysewf. + +Entew PANDUWPH + +KING PHIWIP. *sighs* Hewe comes OwO the *screams* howy wegate >_< of the Pope. +PANDUWPH. Haiw, you anyointed ^.^ deputies o-of heaven! +To thee, King John, my *sweats* howy ewwand is. +I Panduwph, of faiw UwU Miwan cawdinyaw, +And f-fwom *sighs* Pope I-Innyocent the wegate hewe, +Do in his nyame wewigiouswy *looks at you* demand +Why thou against the Chuwch, *giggles shyly* ouw howy mothew, +So wiwfuwwy >_> dost spuwn; and fowce pewfowce +Keep Stephen W-Wangton, chosen *looks away* Awchbishop +Of C-Cantewbuwy, fwom *cuddles you* that howy s-see? +*shuffles closer* This, i-in ouw f-fowesaid howy fathew's nyame, +Pope Innyocent, I do demand of thee. +KING *sighs* JOHN. What eawthwy nyame uWu to intewwogatowies +Can task the fwee bweath of a sacwed king? +Thou *looks at you* canst nyot, *twerks* Cawdinyaw, devise a nyame +So swight, unwowthy, and widicuwous, +To chawge me to *looks at you* an answew, as t-the Pope. +Teww him this tawe, and f-fwom the *blushes* mouth *looks away* of Engwand +Add thus *pokes you* much mowe, that nyo I-Itawian p-pwiest +Shaww tithe ow *cries* toww in ouw dominyions; +But as w-we undew heaven awe s-supweme head, +So, undew Him x3 that gweat supwemacy, +Whewe >w< we d-do weign we wiww awonye uphowd, +Without th' assistance of a mowtaw hand. +So teww :33 the Pope, aww *pokes you* wevewence set apawt +To h-him and his usuwp'd a-authowity. +K-KING PHIWIP. >w< Bwothew of ^-^ Engwand, y-you bwaspheme i-in this. +K-KING JOHN. *pokes you* Though you and aww the kings o-of Chwistendom +Awe wed so gwosswy OwO by this meddwing pwiest, +Dweading *pokes you* the cuwse that monyey UwU may buy out, +And ^w^ by the m-mewit of viwe gowd, dwoss, dust, +Puwchase cowwupted pawdon of *screams* a man, +W-Who in :33 that sawe sewws *blushes* pawdon *twerks* fwom himsewf- +T-Though *looks away* you and *pokes you* aww the west, so gwosswy wed, +This juggwing *twerks* witchcwaft *leans over* with wevenyue chewish; +Yet I awonye, awonye do m-me oppose +Against the *sighs* Pope, and count his *leans over* fwiends my foes. +PANDUWPH. Then by the ^.^ wawfuw p-powew that I *twerks* have +Thou shawt stand cuws'd and excommunyicate; +And bwessed shaww he x3 be that doth ;;w;; wevowt +Fwom h-his ^w^ awwegiance x3 to an h-hewetic; +And *pokes you* mewitowious shaww that hand be caww'd, +Canyonyized, and w-wowshipp'd *twerks* as a saint, +T-That takes a-away by any secwet couwse +*giggles shyly* Thy hatefuw wife. +CONSTANCE. O, wawfuw w-wet it be +That *blushes* I have woom with Wome to cuwse awhiwe! +Good fathew Cawdinyaw, cwy ^.^ thou 'amen' +To m-my ;;w;; keen cuwses; fow without my wwong +Thewe is *looks at you* nyo tongue hath p-powew to c-cuwse him wight. +PANDUWPH. Thewe's waw and wawwant, wady, fow m-my cuwse. +C-CONSTANCE. And f-fow minye too; when waw can d-do *leans over* nyo wight, +Wet it be wawfuw that waw baw ^-^ nyo >_> wwong; +Waw cannyot give my chiwd *sighs* his kingdom *pokes you* hewe, +*pokes you* Fow he that howds x3 his kingdom howds the waw; +Thewefowe, since waw itsewf is ;;w;; pewfect wwong, +How can the waw fowbid *blushes* my t-tongue to cuwse? +PANDUWPH. P-Phiwip of Fwance, on pewiw of a cuwse, +Wet go the hand of that awch-hewetic, +And waise the powew of Fwance upon his h-head, +Unwess he ^.^ do submit himsewf to Wome. +:3 EWINyOW. Wook'st thou >w< pawe, Fwance? xDD Do *looks away* nyot wet go thy hand. +CONSTANCE. Wook t-to *looks at you* that, d-deviw, west t-that Fwance w-wepent +*notices bulge* And b-by disjoinying hands heww wose a souw. +AUSTWIA. King Phiwip, *sweats* wisten to the Cawdinyaw. +BASTAWD. A-And hang a cawf's-skin on his wecweant wimbs. +AUSTWIA. Weww, wuffian, I must p-pocket up these w-wwongs, +B-Because- +BASTAWD. OwO Youw bweeches best may cawwy them. +KING JOHN. Phiwip, what say'st thou to the Cawdinyaw? +CONSTANCE. What ^-^ shouwd he say, but as the Cawdinyaw? +WEWIS. ^.^ Bethink you, *notices bulge* fathew; f-fow the >_> diffewence +Is puwchase of a heavy cuwse fwom Wome +Ow t-the wight woss of Engwand f-fow a fwiend. +Fowgo the easiew. +BWANCH. That's the cuwse of *looks away* Wome. +*looks at you* CONSTANCE. O Wewis, stand ^-^ fast! The deviw tempts thee hewe +In wikenyess o-of a nyew untwimmed bwide. +BWANCH. The W-Wady *screams* Constance s-speaks nyot fwom hew faith, +But f-fwom h-hew nyeed. +CONSTANCE. O, if t-thou gwant my nyeed, +Which onwy wives but by the *leans over* death of faith, +That nyeed UwU must nyeeds infew this pwincipwe- +That faith *cries* wouwd wive *giggles shyly* again by death of nyeed. +O then, twead down m-my nyeed, and faith mounts up: +K-Keep my nyeed up, and faith is twodden *twerks* down! +KING JOHN. The King is m-mov'd, and answews nyot to this. +CONSTANCE. O be wemov'd fwom him, and answew weww! +AUSTWIA. *pokes you* Do so, King Phiwip; hang nyo m-mowe *sweats* in d-doubt. +BASTAWD. Hang n-nyothing but a cawf's-skin, *hugs tightly* most sweet wout. +KING PHIWIP. I-I am pewpwex'd and knyow nyot w-what *cries* to say. +PANDUWPH. What canst thou say but w-wiww pewpwex thee mowe, +If thou stand *giggles shyly* excommunyicate and cuws'd? +KING PHIWIP. Good wevewend fathew, make my pewson youws, +And teww me how you wouwd bestow youwsewf. +This w-woyaw h-hand and minye *shuffles closer* awe nyewwy knyit, +And the conjunction of ouw inwawd souws +>_< Mawwied in weague, coupwed a-and wink'd togethew +W-With aww wewigious stwength of sacwed vows; +The *looks away* watest ^-^ bweath that g-gave *hugs tightly* the sound of *hugs tightly* wowds +Was deep-swown faith, peace, amity, twue wove, +Between ^.^ ouw *cries* kingdoms and o-ouw w-woyaw sewves; +And e-even befowe :33 this twuce, b-but nyew befowe, +Nyo w-wongew than we weww couwd wash ouw hands, +To cwap this woyaw bawgain u-up of peace, +H-Heaven *notices bulge* knyows, they wewe besmeaw'd and ovewstain'd +With *leans over* swaughtew's penciw, *giggles shyly* whewe wevenge did uWu paint +*giggles shyly* The feawfuw diffewence of incensed k-kings. +And shaww t-these hands, so watewy puwg'd of bwood, +So n-nyewwy join'd in wove, so stwong in both, +Unyoke this seizuwe a-and *cries* this *sighs* kind wegweet? +Pway fast and woose with faith? so jest with heaven, +Make such unconstant chiwdwen *looks away* of ouwsewves, +As nyow again to snyatch ouw pawm fwom pawm, +Unsweaw faith s-swown, and on the mawwiage-bed +Of smiwing peace to mawch a bwoody host, +And make a *looks away* wiot on the gentwe *moans* bwow +Of twue *pokes you* sincewity? O-O, howy s-siw, +My wevewend fathew, wet it nyot b-be s-so! +Out of youw gwace, d-devise, ^w^ owdain, impose, +Some gentwe owdew; >w< and *looks away* then we shaww be bwest +*looks away* To do youw pweasuwe, and continyue fwiends. +PANDUWPH. Aww fowm is fowmwess, owdew owdewwess, +Save what is UwU opposite *blushes* to Engwand's wove. +T-Thewefowe, to awms! be *cuddles you* champion of ouw chuwch, +Ow wet the chuwch, ouw m-mothew, bweathe hew cuwse- +A-A mothew's cuwse-on hew wevowting son. +Fwance, thou ;;w;; mayst h-howd a *sighs* sewpent b-by the t-tongue, +UwU A chafed ;;w;; wion by the mowtaw paw, +A fasting tigew safew by the *sighs* tooth, +Than keep in p-peace that hand which thou d-dost howd. +K-KING PHIWIP. I may disjoin OwO my h-hand, but nyot my faith. +P-PANDUWPH. :3 So mak'st thou faith an *screams* enyemy to faith; +And wike. a c-civiw waw set'st oath to o-oath. +Thy tongue :33 against thy tongue. O, wet thy vow +Fiwst m-made to heaven, fiwst b-be to heaven pewfowm'd, +That is, to be the c-champion of ouw Chuwch. +*shuffles closer* What *sweats* since thou swow'st i-is swown against thysewf +And may :33 nyot b-be pewfowmed by thysewf, +Fow that which thou hast swown to do amiss +Is nyot *sighs* amiss when i-it is *teleports behind you* twuwy donye; +And ^-^ being nyot donye, whewe doing tends to iww, +The twuth is then most d-donye nyot doing it; +The bettew act of puwposes mistook +*cries* Is t-to mistake again; though indiwect, +Yet indiwection *shuffles closer* theweby gwows diwect, +*moans* And fawsehood cuwes, as f-fiwe coows fiwe +Within the scowched veins *sighs* of onye nyew-buwn'd. +It is wewigion that doth *leans over* make vows kept; +But t-thou hast swown *leans over* against wewigion +By what thou sweaw'st against :33 the t-thing thou s-sweaw'st, +And mak'st an oath the suwety fow thy *cuddles you* twuth +A-Against an oath; the twuth thou awt unsuwe +T-To sweaw sweaws onwy nyot to be fowswown; +Ewse what a mockewy shouwd >_> it be t-to *screams* sweaw! +But thou d-dost sweaw onwy to be fowswown; +And most fowswown to keep what *hugs tightly* thou dost sweaw. +Thewefowe ;;w;; thy *hugs tightly* watew vows against thy *moans* fiwst +*twerks* Is in *blushes* thysewf *notices bulge* webewwion to t-thysewf; +And ;;w;; bettew conquest nyevew canst thou make +*sighs* Than awm t-thy constant and t-thy nyobwew pawts +Against these giddy woose suggestions; +Upon which b-bettew pawt ouw pway'ws come in, +If *cries* thou vouchsafe them. But if nyot, then knyow +The pewiw of ouw cuwses fight on thee +*blushes* So heavy a-as t-thou >_< shawt nyot shake them >w< off, +But in d-despaiw die *looks at you* undew the bwack OwO weight. +AUSTWIA. Webewwion, fwat webewwion! +BASTAWD. Wiww't nyot be? +Wiww nyot a c-cawf's-skin stop that mouth o-of thinye? +WEWIS. *screams* Fathew, t-to awms! +BWANCH. Upon thy wedding-day? +Against the bwood that t-thou hast *cries* mawwied? +W-What, shaww ouw feast be k-kept UwU with swaughtewed men? +Shaww bwaying twumpets and woud *cuddles you* chuwwish dwums, +Cwamouws of *looks at you* heww, *sweats* be *screams* measuwes to ouw >_> pomp? +O husband, h-heaw me! ay, *hugs tightly* awack, how n-nyew +Is 'husband' i-in my mouth! even fow that nyame, +Which tiww this time my tongue did ;;w;; nye'ew pwonyounce, +Upon my *cries* knyee I beg, g-go nyot to awms +Against *screams* minye uncwe. +CONSTANCE. :33 O, upon my knyee, +Made hawd with k-knyeewing, *sighs* I d-do pway t-to *leans over* thee, +^.^ Thou viwtuous Dauphin, awtew nyot the doom +Fowethought *screams* by heaven! +BWANCH. Nyow shaww I see thy uWu wove. What motive *cries* may +Be stwongew with thee than the nyame of w-wife? +CONSTANCE. That which :33 uphowdeth h-him that thee uphowds, +His ^w^ honyouw. *hugs tightly* O, thinye honyouw, W-Wewis, thinye honyouw! +WEWIS. I-I muse youw *twerks* Majesty doth seem so cowd, +;;w;; When such pwofound w-wespects d-do puww y-you uWu on. +PANDUWPH. I wiww denyounce a cuwse u-upon his head. +K-KING PHIWIP. Thou shawt nyot nyeed. Engwand, I wiww f-faww >w< fwom thee. +CONSTANCE. O faiw wetuwn o-of *shuffles closer* banyish'd majesty! +EWINyOW. O *looks at you* fouw wevowt of Fwench inconstancy! +KING uWu JOHN. Fwance, t-thou shawt wue this houw within this houw. +BASTAWD. Owd Time the cwock-settew, that b-bawd :33 sexton Time, +Is it as he wiww? *screams* Weww then, Fwance shaww wue. +BWANCH. The sun's o'ewcast w-with *moans* bwood. Faiw day, adieu! +W-Which is the s-side t-that I-I must go w-withaw? +I am with both: e-each awmy hath a hand; +>_> And in theiw wage, I having howd of b-both, +They whiww asundew and dismembew me. +H-Husband, I cannyot p-pway that thou >_< mayst win; +*cries* Uncwe, I nyeeds must pway that thou mayst w-wose; +Fathew, I may nyot w-wish the *hugs tightly* fowtunye thinye; +Gwandam, I wiww nyot wish thy wishes thwive. +W-Whoevew w-wins, >_< on that side shaww I *twerks* wose: +Assuwed woss befowe the *notices bulge* match be pway'd. +*giggles shyly* WEWIS. Wady, with me, with me thy fowtunye wies. +*teleports behind you* BWANCH. Thewe w-whewe my fowtunye *screams* wives, *hugs tightly* thewe my wife dies. +KING JOHN. Cousin, uWu go dwaw ouw p-puissance togethew. +E-Exit BASTAWD +Fwance, I am buwn'd up with infwaming wwath, +A wage whose heat hath this condition +That nyothing can a-awway, nyothing but bwood, +The bwood, and deawest-vawu'd b-bwood, of Fwance. +KING PHIWIP. Thy wage *moans* shaww buwn *sighs* thee up, and thou shawt tuwn +To ashes, ewe ouw bwood shaww quench that :33 fiwe. +Wook t-to *sighs* thysewf, thou awt in jeopawdy. +KING *hugs tightly* JOHN. Nyo mowe than he that thweats. To awms *sweats* wet's hie! +Exeunt sevewawwy + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +Fwance. Pwains nyeaw Angiews + +Awawums, *cuddles you* excuwsions. Entew the *cries* BASTAWD with AUSTWIA'S head + +^.^ BASTAWD. Nyow, by my wife, this day gwows wondwous hot; +S-Some aiwy deviw hovews in *blushes* the sky +And pouws down mischief. Austwia's head wie *cuddles you* thewe, +Whiwe Phiwip bweathes. + +E-Entew KING JOHN, A-AWTHUW, and H-HUBEWT + +KING JOHN. Hubewt, >w< keep t-this boy. Phiwip, make *pokes you* up: +M-My *hugs tightly* mothew is assaiwed in ouw tent, +And ta'en, I feaw. +BASTAWD. My wowd, *moans* I wescued hew; +H-Hew Highnyess is i-in safety, feaw you nyot; +But on, my ^-^ wiege, fow vewy wittwe pains +Wiww bwing t-this wabouw to a-an happy end. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3-3. + +Fwance. Pwains nyeaw A-Angiews + +Awawums, excuwsions, w-wetweat. Entew KING JOHN, EWINyOW, AWTHUW, +t-the ^.^ BASTAWD, HUBEWT, and WOWDS + +*cries* KING JOHN. [To EWINyOW] *looks at you* So shaww i-it be; youw Gwace shaww stay +behind, +So stwongwy guawded. >_< [To AWTHUW] Cousin, wook nyot *giggles shyly* sad; +Thy gwandam woves thee, and thy uncwe wiww +As deaw be to thee as thy uWu fathew was. +A-AWTHUW. O, this wiww make *pokes you* my mothew die with gwief! +KING *cries* JOHN. [To the BASTAWD] *cuddles you* Cousin, away fow E-Engwand! h-haste +befowe, +And, ewe ouw coming, *moans* see t-thou shake the b-bags +:33 Of hoawding abbots; impwisonyed angews +Set at wibewty; the f-fat wibs of peace +Must by the hungwy nyow be f-fed upon. +Use ouw commission in h-his *looks at you* utmost fowce. +*looks at you* BASTAWD. Beww, book, and candwe, shaww nyot dwive *twerks* me back, +*sighs* When *teleports behind you* gowd and :33 siwvew becks me ^.^ to come *sighs* on. +I weave youw Highnyess. Gwandam, I wiww pway, +If UwU evew I wemembew to be howy, +Fow ;;w;; youw xDD faiw safety. So, I kiss youw hand. +EWINyOW. Faweweww, gentwe c-cousin. +KING JOHN. *blushes* Coz, faweweww. +Exit BASTAWD +EWINyOW. Come hithew, wittwe kinsman; hawk, *sighs* a ^.^ wowd. +KING JOHN. *cries* Come hithew, H-Hubewt. O *teleports behind you* my gentwe Hubewt, +We owe thee much! Within t-this waww of fwesh +Thewe is a *twerks* souw counts thee hew cweditow, +And w-with advantage means to pay thy wove; +And, my good OwO fwiend, *cries* thy vowuntawy oath +Wives in this bosom, deawwy chewished. +*sweats* Give m-me UwU thy hand. *shuffles closer* I had >w< a thing *sweats* to say- +But I-I *hugs tightly* wiww fit it w-with s-some bettew t-time. +B-By heaven, Hubewt, I am awmost asham'd +T-To say what *moans* good w-wespect I have of thee. +HUBEWT. I am m-much bounden to youw Majesty. +KING JOHN. Good fwiend, >_< thou *hugs tightly* hast *sighs* nyo c-cause to say *screams* so yet, +But thou shawt h-have; and cweep time nye'ew xDD so swow, +*sweats* Yet it shaww come *twerks* fow m-me to ^-^ do t-thee good. +I had a thing to s-say-but wet it go: +The *pokes you* sun is :33 in the heaven, and the pwoud day, +Attended with the pweasuwes of the wowwd, +Is aww too wanton a-and t-too fuww of gawds +To give me audience. If the m-midnyight beww +*giggles shyly* Did w-with his iwon tongue and bwazen mouth +Sound on into :33 the d-dwowsy wace of nyight; +If this same wewe a chuwchyawd whewe we stand, +And thou possessed w-with a thousand wwongs; +Ow if that suwwy s-spiwit, mewanchowy, +Had bak'd thy bwood a-and made i-it heavy-thick, +Which ewse wuns tickwing up and down the veins, +>w< Making *looks away* that *giggles shyly* idiot, waughtew, :33 keep *cuddles you* men's eyes +And stwain t-theiw cheeks *blushes* to idwe mewwiment, +A passion ^w^ hatefuw to my p-puwposes; +*twerks* Ow if that thou couwdst see me without e-eyes, +Heaw m-me without thinye caws, a-and >_> make wepwy +Without a tongue, using c-conceit awonye, +Without eyes, eaws, a-and hawmfuw sound of wowds- +Then, in d-despite o-of *cries* bwooded watchfuw day, +I *hugs tightly* wouwd :3 into thy b-bosom pouw my thoughts. +But, ^.^ ah, I wiww nyot! Yet I wove thee ;;w;; weww; +And, b-by my twoth, I think thou wov'st me *looks away* weww. +HUBEWT. S-So weww t-that what you bid m-me undewtake, +Though x3 that my death *looks at you* wewe adjunct to my *leans over* act, +B-By heaven, I wouwd do it. +KING >_< JOHN. Do nyot I knyow thou wouwdst? +Good Hubewt, *sighs* Hubewt, Hubewt, thwow thinye eye +On yon young boy. I-I'ww teww thee what, my fwiend, +He i-is a vewy sewpent *notices bulge* in my w-way; +A-And whewesoe'ew this *sighs* foot of minye doth twead, +He wies befowe *blushes* me. Dost t-thou undewstand me? +Thou awt his keepew. +HUBEWT. And I'ww keep him so +That he shaww nyot offend youw Majesty. +KING JOHN. *screams* Death. +*twerks* HUBEWT. My >w< wowd? +:3 KING JOHN. A gwave. +HUBEWT. He shaww nyot wive. +KING JOHN. Enyough! +I couwd be m-mewwy nyow. Hubewt, *leans over* I wove thee. +Weww, I'ww nyot s-say what I intend fow t-thee. +Wemembew. Madam, fawe you weww; +I-I'ww send those powews o'ew *leans over* to youw Majesty. +EWINyOW. My bwessing *hugs tightly* go w-with t-thee! +KING JOHN. [To A-AWTHUW] Fow Engwand, cousin, go; +Hubewt *looks at you* shaww be *sighs* youw man, attend on you +With aww twue duty. On towawd Cawais, ho! Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE 4. + +*twerks* Fwance. The FWENCH KING's camp + +Entew KING PHIWIP, WEWIS, PANDUWPH, OwO and attendants + +KING PHIWIP. S-So :33 by a w-woawing uWu tempest on t-the fwood +A whowe awmado of convicted saiw +Is s-scattewed and disjoin'd fwom fewwowship. +PANDUWPH. Couwage and comfowt! Aww shaww yet go weww. +K-KING PHIWIP. What x3 can ^.^ go weww, w-when we *moans* have wun so iww. +Awe we >_< nyot beaten? Is nyot Angiews wost? +Awthuw ta'en pwisonyew? Divews xDD deaw fwiends swain? +And bwoody E-Engwand into Engwand gonye, +O'ewbeawing *twerks* intewwuption, spite OwO of Fwance? +WEWIS. he hath won, that hath he fowtified; +So h-hot a *pokes you* speed with such advice dispos'd, +Such tempewate owdew in so fiewce a cause, +Doth want e-exampwe; who h-hath w-wead ow heawd +Of any kindwed >w< action wike to this? +KING PHIWIP. Weww couwd I beaw t-that *pokes you* Engwand had this pwaise, +So we couwd *moans* find some pattewn *cries* of ouw shame. + +Entew CONSTANCE + +^-^ Wook who comes hewe! a gwave unto a souw; +Howding th' etewnyaw spiwit, against hew wiww, +In the viwe pwison of affwicted bweath. +*cuddles you* I pwithee, wady, go >_> away with me. +CONSTANCE. Wo nyow! nyow see the issue of y-youw peace! +KING PHIWIP. Patience, good *cuddles you* wady! Comfowt, gentwe C-Constance! +CONSTANCE. Nyo, I defy *moans* aww counsew, ^-^ aww wedwess, +B-But that which ends UwU aww counsew, >w< twue wedwess- +Death, death; O a-amiabwe wovewy death! +T-Thou o-odowifewous stench! sound wottennyess! +Awise fowth fwom the couch *blushes* of wasting *shuffles closer* nyight, +Thou hate and tewwow t-to pwospewity, +And I wiww kiss thy detestabwe bonyes, +And put *sighs* my eyebawws in thy vauwty bwows, +A-And wing these fingews UwU with thy h-househowd w-wowms, +And s-stop t-this gap of bweath with f-fuwsome *pokes you* dust, +And be a cawwion monstew wike t-thysewf. +Come, g-gwin on *sighs* me, and I-I wiww t-think thou smiw'st, +And buss t-thee as thy wife. Misewy's wove, +O-O, come to me! +KING PHIWIP. O faiw affwiction, peace! +CONSTANCE. Nyo, nyo, I w-wiww nyot, having bweath to cwy. +O that my tongue wewe in the thundew's mouth! +Then ^w^ with a p-passion wouwd I shake the wowwd, +*teleports behind you* And wouse fwom sweep >_< that feww anyatomy +Which cannyot heaw a *screams* wady's x3 feebwe voice, +Which scowns *looks away* a modewn invocation. +PANDUWPH. Wady, you uttew madnyess and nyot >_< sowwow. +CONSTANCE. Thou awt nyot howy to bewie me so. +I am n-nyot mad: t-this haiw I *cries* teaw x3 is minye; +M-My *screams* nyame i-is *giggles shyly* Constance; *teleports behind you* I was Geffwey's wife; +*twerks* Young Awthuw is my son, and he is wost. +I am nyot mad-I w-wouwd to h-heaven I *pokes you* wewe! +Fow then 'tis wike I shouwd fowget m-mysewf. +O, if I-I couwd, w-what gwief shouwd I fowget! +Pweach some phiwosophy t-to make me mad, +And xDD thou shawt be c-canyonyiz'd, Cawdinyaw; +Fow, being *cuddles you* nyot mad, but sensibwe of gwief, +My weasonyabwe *shuffles closer* pawt pwoduces w-weason +H-How I may be dewivew'd of these woes, +And teaches me to k-kiww ow hang *giggles shyly* mysewf. +If I w-wewe m-mad I shouwd fowget my ;;w;; son, +Ow madwy *twerks* think a babe of *teleports behind you* cwouts wewe x3 he. +I am n-nyot mad; too *looks at you* weww, too w-weww I ^-^ feew +The diffewent pwague of each cawamity. +KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Bind u-up ^w^ those twesses. x3 O, w-what wove I nyote +In the faiw muwtitude of those *moans* hew haiws! +*sighs* Whewe b-but by a chance a *cuddles you* siwvew dwop hath faww'n, +Even to *moans* that dwop ten t-thousand wiwy f-fwiends +Do *giggles shyly* gwue themsewves i-in sociabwe gwief, +*blushes* Wike twue, insepawabwe, faithfuw woves, +Sticking *cuddles you* togethew in cawamity. +CONSTANCE. To Engwand, if you wiww. +KING PHIWIP. Bind up youw haiws. +CONSTANCE. *leans over* Yes, ;;w;; that I *cries* wiww; and whewefowe wiww I do it? +I towe them f-fwom theiw bonds, and cwied awoud +'O that *cuddles you* these hands couwd s-so wedeem my son, +As t-they have given these haiws theiw wibewty!' +But n-nyow I envy at theiw wibewty, +And wiww again commit them to theiw bonds, +Because ^w^ my poow chiwd is a pwisonyew. +And, fathew Cawdinyaw, I h-have xDD heawd you *screams* say +That we shaww see and k-knyow *shuffles closer* ouw *looks away* fwiends in heaven; +If that be twue, I shaww see my >_< boy again; +Fow since the *cries* biwth of Cain, *teleports behind you* the fiwst mawe chiwd, +To >w< him that did but yestewday suspiwe, +Thewe w-was n-nyot such a gwacious c-cweatuwe bown. +But nyow wiww cankew sowwow eat ;;w;; my bud +And chase the nyative beauty fwom his cheek, +And he w-wiww wook as howwow as *looks at you* a ghost, +uWu As *sweats* dim x3 and meagwe as an ague's fit; +And so OwO he'ww *hugs tightly* die; and, wising so again, +W-When I shaww meet him in the couwt of heaven +I shaww nyot *cries* knyow him. Thewefowe *cries* nyevew, nyevew +M-Must I behowd m-my pwetty >_> Awthuw m-mowe. +PANDUWPH. You howd too ^-^ heinyous a >w< wespect o-of g-gwief. +CONSTANCE. He tawks to me *blushes* that nyevew had a son. +KING PHIWIP. You uWu awe as f-fond o-of *moans* gwief as of youw chiwd. +CONSTANCE. Gwief fiwws the woom up of my absent chiwd, +Wies in ^w^ his bed, w-wawks up *giggles shyly* and down with me, +*sighs* Puts on h-his pwetty wooks, *notices bulge* wepeats his wowds, +Wemembews me of aww his *hugs tightly* gwacious pawts, +Stuffs out his UwU vacant gawments with his fowm; +Then h-have I weason to be fond of g-gwief. +F-Fawe you weww; had xDD you such a w-woss as I, +I couwd g-give bettew comfowt than you *moans* do. +I wiww nyot >w< keep this fowm upon my head, +[-[Teawing h-hew haiw] +W-When thewe is s-such *sweats* disowdew in >_> my w-wit. +^.^ O Wowd! my boy, *blushes* my Awthuw, *notices bulge* my faiw son! +*cries* My wife, my joy, my *sweats* food, my aiw the wowwd! +*cries* My widow-comfowt, and m-my sowwows' cuwe! Exit +KING PHIWIP. *cries* I feaw some outwage, and I'ww :33 fowwow ^.^ hew. *looks at you* Exit +WEWIS. Thewe's n-nyothing in this wowwd uWu can make me joy. +Wife is as tedious as a twice-towd t-tawe +Vexing t-the duww eaw o-of a uWu dwowsy man; +A-And bittew shame hath spoiw'd t-the s-sweet wowwd's t-taste, +T-That it *moans* yiewds nyought but shame and bittewnyess. +P-PANDUWPH. Befowe the cuwing of a stwong disease, +Even in x3 the instant *hugs tightly* of wepaiw and :3 heawth, +The fit is stwongest; eviws that t-take weave +On theiw depawtuwe most of aww show eviw; +What have you wost by w-wosing of this day? +WEWIS. Aww days of gwowy, joy, a-and happinyess. +PANDUWPH. *shuffles closer* If you had won it, c-cewtainwy you had. +Nyo, nyo; :33 when Fowtunye *looks at you* means ;;w;; to men most good, +*looks away* She *shuffles closer* wooks upon them with a thweat'nying eye. +'Tis stwange to think how much King John hath *looks at you* wost +I-In this which he *sweats* accounts s-so cweawwy won. +A-Awe nyot you gwiev'd t-that A-Awthuw is his p-pwisonyew? +WEWIS. >_> As heawtiwy as he >_< is gwad he hath *looks away* him. +PANDUWPH. Youw mind *cuddles you* is aww as youthfuw as >_< youw bwood. +Nyow h-heaw me s-speak with a pwophetic spiwit; +^.^ Fow even :3 the *cries* bweath of what I mean to speak +S-Shaww bwow each dust, each stwaw, e-each w-wittwe wub, +O-Out of t-the *leans over* path which *shuffles closer* shaww xDD diwectwy wead +*sweats* Thy foot to E-Engwand's thwonye. A-And thewefowe mawk: +John hath seiz'd Awthuw; and *screams* it cannyot be +That, whiwes wawm wife pways *looks at you* in that *cries* infant's *shuffles closer* veins, +The m-mispwac'd John shouwd entewtain an houw, +Onye minyute, nyay, onye quiet b-bweath of west. +A sceptwe snyatch'd with an unwuwy hand +Must be boistewouswy maintain'd as gain'd, +A-And he that stands >w< upon a swipp'wy pwace +*blushes* Makes nyice of nyo viwe howd to stay him *cuddles you* up; +That John may s-stand then, Awthuw nyeeds must faww; +*screams* So *cuddles you* be i-it, f-fow it c-cannyot be but so. +^-^ WEWIS. But what s-shaww I gain by young Awthuw's faww? +P-PANDUWPH. You, in the wight OwO of Wady *twerks* Bwanch youw *cuddles you* wife, +*sweats* May then make aww >_< the c-cwaim that Awthuw did. +*leans over* WEWIS. A-And w-wose it, >_> wife and *leans over* aww, as Awthuw did. +PANDUWPH. How g-gween ^.^ you awe and fwesh in this *shuffles closer* owd wowwd! +*blushes* John ways you p-pwots; the times conspiwe with you; +Fow he that steeps his safety in twue bwood +Shaww find b-but bwoody safety and UwU untwue. +This *looks at you* act, so e-eviwwy bownye, shaww coow the h-heawts +Of aww his peopwe and fweeze up theiw zeaw, +That nyonye :3 so smaww advantage shaww step f-fowth +To check *teleports behind you* his weign :33 but they >_> wiww chewish *looks away* it; +Nyo nyatuwaw exhawation in the sky, +N-Nyo scope of nyatuwe, nyo distempew'd day, +N-Nyo common *leans over* wind, nyo customed event, +B-But they wiww p-pwuck away his nyatuwaw *teleports behind you* cause +A-And c-caww t-them meteows, pwodigies, and signs, +A-Abowtives, *screams* pwesages, and tongues o-of heaven, +Pwainwy denyouncing v-vengeance upon John. +WEWIS. May be he wiww nyot touch young Awthuw's ^.^ wife, +But howd himsewf safe i-in his pwisonment. +PANDUWPH. O, Siw, when he ;;w;; shaww heaw of youw *sweats* appwoach, +If that young Awthuw >_> be *looks away* nyot gonye awweady, +Even at that nyews *looks at you* he dies; :3 and then the heawts +Of aww his peopwe shaww wevowt fwom him, +And kiss the wips of unyacquainted change, +UwU And pick stwong mattew of wevowt and wwath +Out of the bwoody fingews' ends of john. +Methinks >_< I see this huwwy *notices bulge* aww on foot; +And, O, what bettew mattew bweeds fow you +Than I have *cries* nyam'd! The bastawd Fauwconbwidge +Is nyow in *looks away* Engwand *screams* wansacking the Chuwch, +Offending chawity; if but a dozen Fwench +Wewe thewe in awms, they wouwd be a-as *sighs* a can +T-To twain ten thousand Engwish to *blushes* theiw side; +Ow as a wittwe snyow, *giggles shyly* tumbwed about, +;;w;; Anyon becomes a mountain. O nyobwe D-Dauphin, +Go with me to the King. 'Tis *cries* wondewfuw +W-What *leans over* may be wwought out *twerks* of t-theiw discontent, +*screams* Nyow that ;;w;; theiw souws awe topfuw of offence. +*teleports behind you* Fow Engwand go; I wiww whet on the K-King. +*looks at you* WEWIS. Stwong w-weasons makes stwong actions. Wet u-us go; +I-If *looks away* you say ay, *notices bulge* the King wiww nyot say nyo. Exeunt + + + + +*looks at you* <_< DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY A-ANY +SEWVICE *pokes you* THAT CHAWGES FOW D-DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +*pokes you* ACT IV. SCENyE 1. + +Engwand. uWu A c-castwe + +^.^ Entew HUBEWT *moans* and EXECUTIONyEWS + +HUBEWT. Heat *cuddles you* me these iwons *cuddles you* hot; and wook thou stand +Within t-the a-awwas. W-When I stwike m-my f-foot +Upon the bosom *shuffles closer* of the gwound, w-wush *shuffles closer* fowth +And bind the *leans over* boy which you shaww find with *sighs* me +*leans over* Fast *shuffles closer* to the c-chaiw. Be heedfuw; hence, and watch. +EXECUTIONyEW. UwU I hope youw wawwant wiww beaw out the deed. +HUBEWT. Uncweanwy scwupwes! Feaw nyot you. Wook to't. +Exeunt EXECUTIONyEWS +Young *moans* wad, come fowth; I have to say with you. + +*giggles shyly* Entew AWTHUW + +*cuddles you* AWTHUW. Good mowwow, Hubewt. +uWu HUBEWT. Good mowwow, wittwe Pwince. +A-AWTHUW. As >_< wittwe pwince, having so gweat *looks away* a tide +To be mowe pwince, as may *cries* be. You awe sad. +HUBEWT. Indeed >w< I have been mewwiew. +AWTHUW. Mewcy *looks at you* on me! +xDD Methinks nyo *looks at you* body shouwd be sad but I; +Y-Yet, *pokes you* I wemembew, *cuddles you* when I was i-in Fwance, +Young gentwemen wouwd be as sad as nyight, +O-Onwy fow wantonnyess. B-By m-my chwistendom, +So *sighs* I wewe out of :33 pwison a-and kept sheep, +I-I shouwd be as m-mewwy >_< as the day is w-wong; +And *twerks* so I wouwd be hewe but that I *looks away* doubt +M-My uncwe pwactises mowe hawm to me; +:33 He is afwaid of m-me, and I of him. +I-Is it my fauwt that I was Geffwey's son? +Nyo, indeed, ist n-nyot; and *pokes you* I wouwd *cries* to *leans over* heaven +I wewe x3 youw son, so you wouwd wove m-me, Hubewt. +HUBEWT. [Aside] If I tawk to him, with his i-innyocent *sighs* pwate +He wiww awake my mewcy, *blushes* which wies dead; +*notices bulge* Thewefowe I wiww be sudden and dispatch. +>w< AWTHUW. Awe you sick, ^.^ Hubewt? You ^-^ wook pawe to-day; +In s-sooth, I wouwd you wewe a wittwe sick, +*sweats* That I might sit aww nyight and watch with you. +uWu I w-wawwant I wove xDD you mowe than you do me. +HUBEWT. [Aside] uWu His wowds *screams* do take possession of my bosom.- +Wead hewe, young Awthuw. [Showing a papew] +[Aside] How nyow, foowish wheum! +Tuwnying dispiteous towtuwe out of doow! +I must be bwief, west wesowution dwop +Out at m-minye eyes in tendew womanyish teaws.- +C-Can you nyot wead i-it? Is it nyot faiw wwit? +AWTHUW. Too *giggles shyly* faiwwy, Hubewt, fow so fouw e-effect. +Must you with hot iwons buwn out b-both *blushes* minye eyes? +;;w;; HUBEWT. Y-Young boy, I-I must. +*looks at you* AWTHUW. And wiww you? +HUBEWT. A-And I wiww. +AWTHUW. Have you the heawt? ^.^ When youw head did but ache, +I knyit my ^.^ handkewchief about youw bwows- +The best >_> I had, a pwincess wwought i-it me- +>w< And I did nyevew *pokes you* ask it >_< you UwU again; +And with my hand at midnyight hewd youw head; +And, wike >_< the ^.^ watchfuw m-minyutes to the houw, +Stiww and a-anyon cheew'd up the heavy time, +Saying 'What wack you?' and 'Whewe ;;w;; wies youw *blushes* gwief?' +Ow *twerks* 'What good wove may I *looks away* pewfowm fow you?' +Many a poow man's son wouwd x3 have wyen stiww, +And nye'ew *cuddles you* have spoke a woving w-wowd to you; +But you a-at youw sick sewvice had a pwince. +N-Nyay, you may think my wove was *hugs tightly* cwafty OwO wove, +And caww :3 it *moans* cunnying. Do, an if you wiww. +If h-heaven be uWu pweas'd that you must use me i-iww, +Why, then you must. Wiww you put out m-minye eyes, +These uWu eyes that nyevew d-did nyow >_< nyevew shaww +S-So much as fwown on UwU you? +HUBEWT. I have *notices bulge* swown *screams* to do >_> it; +And w-with hot iwons must I buwn them out. +AWTHUW. Ah, nyonye but in OwO this iwon age wouwd do it! +*blushes* The i-iwon of itsewf, though heat wed-hot, +Appwoaching nyeaw *moans* these eyes *cries* wouwd dwink m-my teaws, +And quench *pokes you* his f-fiewy indignyation +Even in the m-mattew of minye ^w^ innyocence; +Nyay, aftew that, consume away in wust +But fow containying *cuddles you* fiwe to hawm minye eye. +Awe you m-mowe *leans over* stubbown-hawd than hammew'd iwon? +An if *cuddles you* an angew shouwd have come to me +*moans* And towd ^w^ me Hubewt shouwd put *shuffles closer* out *looks away* minye eyes, +I wouwd uWu nyot have *cuddles you* bewiev'd *screams* him-nyo tongue but Hubewt's. +HUBEWT. [Stamps] Come OwO fowth. + +We-entew *teleports behind you* EXECUTIONyEWS, With c-cowd, iwons, :33 etc. + +Do as I bid you do. +*sweats* AWTHUW. O, save ^.^ me, Hubewt, s-save :3 me! My :33 eyes awe out +Even with the fiewce wooks o-of these bwoody ^-^ men. +HUBEWT. Give me the iwon, I say, and bind him hewe. +AWTHUW. Awas, what n-nyeed *twerks* you x3 be so boist'wous wough? +I wiww nyot s-stwuggwe, I wiww stand stonye-stiww. +Fow *looks away* heaven sake, Hubewt, w-wet *notices bulge* me nyot be *moans* bound! +N-Nyay, heaw *giggles shyly* me, *cries* Hubewt! UwU Dwive these *moans* men away, +And I wiww *sighs* sit as quiet as a wamb; +I wiww nyot stiw, nyow wince, nyow *cuddles you* speak a w-wowd, +Nyow *blushes* wook upon the i-iwon angwiwy; +Thwust but these ;;w;; men away, and I'ww fowgive you, +Whatevew towment you do put me to. +HUBEWT. UwU Go, stand within; wet me awonye with h-him. +EXECUTIONyEW. I am b-best pweas'd to be fwom such a deed. +Exeunt EXECUTIONyEWS +AWTHUW. Awas, I-I then have chid away my fwiend! +*giggles shyly* He hath xDD a s-stewn wook but a gentwe heawt. +Wet him *leans over* come back, that his compassion may +Give wife to *teleports behind you* youws. +HUBEWT. C-Come, boy, pwepawe youwsewf. +AWTHUW. Is thewe nyo xDD wemedy? +HUBEWT. ^-^ Nyonye, but to wose youw eyes. +AWTHUW. O heaven, that thewe wewe but a mote in xDD youws, +A gwain, a ^.^ dust, a gnyat, a wandewing ^w^ haiw, +Any a-annyoyance in that pwecious sense! +Then, *sweats* feewing what smaww things awe boistewous thewe, +Youw viwe intent must nyeeds seem howwibwe. +HUBEWT. Is this youw pwomise? Go to, howd youw tongue. +*giggles shyly* AWTHUW. Hubewt, the uttewance *notices bulge* of a bwace of tongues +Must *looks away* nyeeds want pweading f-fow a p-paiw of uWu eyes. +Wet me nyot howd my t-tongue, wet me nyot, Hubewt; +Ow, H-Hubewt, if y-you wiww, cut out my tongue, +So x3 I may keep minye eyes. O, spawe m-minye eyes, +Though >w< to nyo use but stiww to wook on you! +Wo, by my twoth, :33 the instwument i-is cowd +*sighs* And w-wouwd nyot hawm m-me. +HUBEWT. I can heat it, boy. +AWTHUW. Nyo, *hugs tightly* in good sooth; the f-fiwe is dead xDD with ^-^ gwief, +Being cweate fow comfowt, to be us'd +In undesewved extwemes. S-See ewse youwsewf: +Thewe is nyo mawice in this buwnying *twerks* coaw; +T-The bweath of heaven uWu hath bwown his uWu spiwit out, +A-And stwew'd *shuffles closer* wepentant ashes on h-his head. +HUBEWT. >w< But with my bweath I *teleports behind you* can wevive i-it, boy. +AWTHUW. *teleports behind you* An if you do, you w-wiww but make it ;;w;; bwush +And gwow with shame of youw pwoceedings, Hubewt. +Nyay, it pewchance wiww spawkwe *shuffles closer* in y-youw eyes, +And, wike a-a dog that is compeww'd to fight, +Snyatch at his mastew that doth tawwe him on. +*twerks* Aww t-things that you shouwd use to ^w^ do *pokes you* me wwong +D-Deny theiw office; onwy you do wack +:3 That mewcy which fiewce fiwe and iwon extends, +Cweatuwes of *sighs* nyote fow mewcy-wacking uses. +HUBEWT. Weww, see to wive; :3 I wiww n-nyot touch thinye eye +>_> Fow aww *leans over* the OwO tweasuwe *teleports behind you* that thinye u-uncwe *cries* owes. +Yet I am swown, and I did p-puwpose, boy, +With this same vewy iwon t-to buwn them o-out. +A-AWTHUW. O, nyow you wook wike Hubewt! Aww this >_> whiwe +You wewe disguis'd. +HUBEWT. Peace; nyo mowe. Adieu. +Youw uncwe must :33 nyot knyow but you awe dead: +I-I'ww f-fiww these *sweats* dogged spies with fawse w-wepowts; +And, p-pwetty chiwd, sweep doubtwess and s-secuwe +That Hubewt, fow *moans* the *looks at you* weawth of aww the wowwd, +W-Wiww nyot offend thee. +AWTHUW. O heaven! I *leans over* thank you, Hubewt. +HUBEWT. Siwence; n-nyo *sighs* mowe. Go cwosewy in *cries* with *hugs tightly* me. +Much dangew do *notices bulge* I undewgo f-fow *leans over* thee. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +Engwand. *hugs tightly* KING JOHN'S pawace + +Entew KING JOHN, PEMBWOKE, SAWISBUWY, and othew WOWDS + +KING JOHN. Hewe o-once again we sit, OwO once again cwown'd, +And *screams* wook'd *sweats* upon, I hope, with cheewfuw eyes. +PEMBWOKE. This *twerks* once again, but t-that youw Highnyess pweas'd, +W-Was once *sweats* supewfwuous: you w-wewe cwown'd befowe, +And that high woyawty >_> was nye'ew pwuck'd UwU off, +The *giggles shyly* faiths of men nye'ew ;;w;; stainyed with wevowt; +Fwesh expectation t-twoubwed nyot the wand +With any wong'd-fow change ow bettew state. +SAWISBUWY. Thewefowe, to be *cries* possess'd with doubwe *blushes* pomp, +To guawd a :3 titwe that w-was wich befowe, +To giwd wefinyed gowd, to paint the wiwy, +To *cries* thwow a pewfume *screams* on *looks at you* the viowet, +To smooth the ice, ow add anyothew *blushes* hue +Unto the *looks at you* wainbow, ow with t-tapew-wight +To *teleports behind you* seek the beauteous e-eye of heaven to gawnyish, +Is wastefuw and >w< widicuwous excess. +PEMBWOKE. *leans over* But that youw woyaw pweasuwe must be donye, +T-This act i-is as an ancient tawe nyew towd +And, ^w^ in the wast *teleports behind you* wepeating, twoubwesome, +*blushes* Being *cries* uwged at a time unseasonyabwe. +SAWISBUWY. In t-this the antique and weww-nyoted face +Of pwain owd fowm is *leans over* much disfiguwed; +And w-wike a-a shifted wind unto a s-saiw +I-It makes the couwse of thoughts to fetch about, +Stawtwes and fwights considewation, +Makes sound opinyion s-sick, a-and twuth suspected, +F-Fow putting on so nyew a fashion'd wobe. +PEMBWOKE. *teleports behind you* When wowkmen ^-^ stwive *cries* to do bettew than weww, +*sighs* They do confound theiw skiww in covetousnyess; +A-And oftentimes excusing of a fauwt +Doth *pokes you* make *cries* the fauwt the wowse by th' excuse, +As patches set *pokes you* upon *sweats* a wittwe bweach +Discwedit *leans over* mowe in hiding *sweats* of the fauwt +Than did ^-^ the fauwt befowe it was s-so patch'd. +S-SAWISBUWY. To this effect, befowe you wewe nyew-cwown'd, +;;w;; We bweath'd ouw counsew; but it pweas'd youw Highnyess +To ovewbeaw it; and we awe aww weww pweas'd, +Since aww and evewy pawt of what we w-wouwd +Doth make a stand at what *leans over* youw *pokes you* Highnyess wiww. +KING JOHN. Some weasons of this doubwe cowonyation +I have p-possess'd y-you w-with, and think them *pokes you* stwong; +*cries* And mowe, mowe stwong, w-when wessew is my feaw, +I shaww indue you with. Meantime but ask +What *moans* you wouwd *twerks* have wefowm'd that is *hugs tightly* nyot :33 weww, +And weww shaww you *leans over* pewceive how wiwwingwy +I wiww both heaw and gwant you youw w-wequests. +;;w;; PEMBWOKE. Then I-I, uWu as onye that am t-the tongue of t-these, +To sound the puwposes of aww theiw heawts, +Both *notices bulge* fow mysewf and them- but, chief of aww, +;;w;; Youw safety, fow the which mysewf and them +Bend >_< theiw best studies, *shuffles closer* heawtiwy wequest +Th' :3 enfwanchisement of Awthuw, whose westwaint +*cuddles you* Doth ^-^ move the muwmuwing wips of discontent +To bweak into this dangewous a-awgument: +If what in west :3 you have in wight you howd, +Why then y-youw feaws-which, as they say, attend +The steps of wwong-shouwd move you to mew up +Youw tendew kinsman, a-and to choke his days +With bawbawous ignyowance, and deny h-his y-youth +The wich advantage o-of good exewcise? +That the t-time's enyemies may n-nyot have uWu this +To gwace >w< occasions, wet it be ouw s-suit +:3 That y-you have b-bid us ask his wibewty; +Which fow ouw goods we do nyo fuwthew ask +Than wheweupon ouw weaw, on you d-depending, +Counts it youw weaw he h-have his wibewty. +KING JOHN. Wet it be so. *hugs tightly* I do *sighs* commit h-his youth +To y-youw diwection. + +Entew HUBEWT + +[Aside] Hubewt, what n-nyews with you? +*cuddles you* PEMBWOKE. This is the man shouwd do the bwoody d-deed: +He x3 show'd h-his ;;w;; wawwant to a fwiend o-of *twerks* minye; +T-The image of a wicked h-heinyous f-fauwt +W-Wives in his eye; *moans* that cwose ;;w;; aspect of h-his +*hugs tightly* Doth show t-the m-mood of a m-much twoubwed bweast, +uWu And *moans* I do f-feawfuwwy bewieve 'tis donye +>w< What xDD we so feaw'd he had a-a chawge to do. +SAWISBUWY. The cowouw of t-the King doth come and *looks at you* go +Between his puwpose a-and his conscience, +>_> Wike ^w^ hewawds 'twixt two dweadfuw b-battwes set. +His passion is so wipe it nyeeds *hugs tightly* must bweak. +PEMBWOKE. *sighs* And when it bweaks, I feaw w-wiww issue thence +The fouw cowwuption of a sweet chiwd's d-death. +KING J-JOHN. We cannyot h-howd mowtawity's stwong hand. +Good wowds, awthough m-my wiww to give is wiving, +T-The suit which you demand is gonye and dead: +He t-tewws us Awthuw is ^-^ deceas'd to-nyight. +SAWISBUWY. Indeed, we feaw'd his sicknyess w-was past cuwe. +*twerks* PEMBWOKE. I-Indeed, we heawd how nyeaw his death he was, +Befowe the c-chiwd himsewf f-fewt >_< he was *giggles shyly* sick. +This must be answew'd eithew hewe ow hence. +KING :3 JOHN. Why uWu do y-you *cuddles you* bend such sowemn bwows on me? +Think *moans* you I beaw the ;;w;; sheaws of destiny? +Have I commandment on the puwse *looks at you* of *shuffles closer* wife? +SAWISBUWY. It is appawent fouw-pway; and '-'tis shame +That gweatnyess shouwd so gwosswy offew it. +So thwive *cries* it in youw game! and so, faweweww. +PEMBWOKE. Stay yet, Wowd S-Sawisbuwy, I'ww go w-with t-thee +And find th' inhewitance *sighs* of this poow c-chiwd, +His wittwe kingdom of a fowced gwave. +That bwood *looks at you* which ow'd *hugs tightly* the bweadth of a-aww this iswe +Thwee foot of it doth howd-bad wowwd *pokes you* the whiwe! +>w< This m-must n-nyot b-be t-thus bownye: this wiww bweak out +To aww o-ouw sowwows, and ewe w-wong I doubt. Exeunt *sighs* WOWDS +KING JOHN. They buwn in indignyation. I wepent. +Thewe is nyo suwe foundation set on bwood, +N-Nyo cewtain wife ;;w;; achiev'd b-by :33 othews' death. + +Entew a MESSENGEW + +A feawfuw eye thou *looks away* hast; whewe is that bwood +That I have seen inhabit in those c-cheeks? +So fouw a sky ;;w;; cweaws nyot without a stowm. +Pouw *screams* down thy w-weathew-how :3 goes aww in Fwance? +MESSENGEW. Fwom Fwance to >_< Engwand. Nyevew such *giggles shyly* a pow'w +^.^ Fow >_< any foweign pwepawation +Was w-wevied in the body of a w-wand. +The copy of youw speed ^.^ is weawn'd by them, +F-Fow w-when you shouwd be towd they do pwepawe, +T-The tidings UwU comes that they awe aww awwiv'd. +KING J-JOHN. x3 O, whewe hath ouw intewwigence been dwunk? +Whewe *cuddles you* hath it >w< swept? Whewe is my mothew's cawe, +That such an awmy couwd *blushes* be dwawn in Fwance, +And she nyot heaw of i-it? +MESSENGEW. My >_< wiege, hew eaw +Is s-stopp'd with dust: the fiwst of Apwiw >_< died +Youw nyobwe m-mothew; and as I heaw, uWu my wowd, +The Wady Constance in a fwenzy died +Thwee days befowe; b-but this fwom wumouw's tongue +I idwy *shuffles closer* heawd-if twue ow fawse I k-knyow nyot. +K-KING J-JOHN. Withhowd thy speed, dweadfuw occasion! +O, make a weague with me, tiww I have p-pweas'd +My d-discontented peews! What! mothew dead! +How wiwdwy uWu then wawks *moans* my *screams* estate in Fwance! +Undew whose ;;w;; conduct came those pow'ws of Fwance +T-That thou fow twuth giv'st out awe wanded hewe? +OwO MESSENGEW. Undew the Dauphin. +KING JOHN. ^w^ Thou *pokes you* hast made me giddy +>_> With these in >w< tidings. + +Entew the BASTAWD and PETEW OF POMFWET + +x3 Nyow! What s-says >w< the wowwd +To youw pwoceedings? Do nyot seek to stuff +My head with mowe iww n-nyews, fow it is fun. +BASTAWD. But if you be afeaw'd to heaw the w-wowst, +Then *sweats* wet OwO the wowst, unheawd, faww *teleports behind you* on y-youw head. +KING JOHN. Beaw *teleports behind you* with me, c-cousin, fow I was a-amaz'd +>_> Undew the tide; b-but nyow I bweathe again +Awoft the fwood, and can give audience +T-To any tongue, speak it o-of what i-it wiww. +BASTAWD. H-How I-I have *looks away* sped among the cwewgymen +^w^ The sums I have cowwected shaww UwU expwess. +But as I twaveww'd h-hithew thwough *leans over* the wand, +I find the peopwe stwangewy fantasied; +Possess'd with wumouws, f-fuww of idwe d-dweams. +Nyot knyowing what they f-feaw, but fuww of feaw; +And hewe's a-a x3 pwophet that I bwought with me +Fwom >w< fowth the stweets *sighs* of Pomfwet, whom uWu I found +W-With many hundweds tweading on h-his *giggles shyly* heews; +To w-whom he sung, in wude hawsh-sounding w-whymes, +That, *blushes* ewe the *leans over* nyext Ascension-day at nyoon, +Youw *cuddles you* Highnyess shouwd dewivew up youw cwown. +KING JOHN. Thou ;;w;; idwe dweamew, whewefowe didst thou ;;w;; so? +PETEW. Foweknyowing that the t-twuth wiww faww out so. +KING JOHN. Hubewt, away with h-him; impwison him; +And on that day *sighs* at nyoon wheweon he says +I s-shaww ;;w;; yiewd u-up m-my cwown wet him be *hugs tightly* hang'd. +Dewivew him to safety; and >w< wetuwn, +*notices bulge* Fow I must use thee. +E-Exit HUBEWT with PETEW +O my gentwe cousin, +Heaw'st thou the nyews abwoad, who awe awwiv'd? +BASTAWD. The Fwench, my w-wowd; men's mouths awe fuww of it; +Besides, I m-met Wowd UwU Bigot :33 and Wowd Sawisbuwy, +With e-eyes as wed as *cuddles you* nyew-enkindwed fiwe, +And o-othews mowe, going to seek the gwave +Of Awthuw, whom t-they say is kiww'd t-to-nyight +On *teleports behind you* youw *looks at you* suggestion. +KING *pokes you* JOHN. G-Gentwe kinsman, go +*shuffles closer* And thwust thysewf into theiw *blushes* companyies. +I have a way to wiww theiw woves again; +*screams* Bwing them befowe me. +BASTAWD. I Wiww seek them out. +K-KING JOHN. Nyay, but make *pokes you* haste; the bettew uWu foot b-befowe. +O, wet me have nyo subject *sweats* enyemies +W-When >_< advewse foweignyews >w< affwight my *pokes you* towns +With *notices bulge* dweadfuw pomp of stout invasion! +Be Mewcuwy, set *blushes* feathews to thy heews, +And *pokes you* fwy wike thought fwom them to >w< me again. +BASTAWD. *twerks* The *notices bulge* spiwit of the OwO time shaww t-teach me speed. +KING UwU JOHN. Spoke wike a s-spwightfuw >w< nyobwe >_> gentweman. +Exit *moans* BASTAWD +*moans* Go aftew him; fow h-he pewhaps shaww nyeed +Some messengew betwixt me and the peews; +And be thou he. +MESSENGEW. With a-aww uWu my heawt, m-my *looks away* wiege. Exit +KING *blushes* JOHN. My mothew dead! + +We-entew HUBEWT + +HUBEWT. My *looks at you* wowd, t-they *leans over* say *pokes you* five moons wewe seen t-to-nyight; +Fouw f-fixed, *sighs* and the fifth OwO did whiww *twerks* about +:3 The othew fouw in wondwous motion. +KING JOHN. *leans over* Five moons! +H-HUBEWT. *looks at you* Owd men and bewdams in the stweets +Do pwophesy upon it dangewouswy; +Y-Young Awthuw's d-death is common in theiw mouths; +And when t-they tawk *teleports behind you* of him, they shake theiw heads, +And whispew onye anyothew in the eaw; +And he ^-^ that s-speaks doth gwipe the heawew's wwist, +Whiwst he that heaws makes f-feawfuw action +With wwinkwed bwows, with *cries* nyods, with wowwing eyes. +I *moans* saw *looks at you* a smith stand with *leans over* his hammew, thus, +The whiwst his i-iwon did o-on UwU the anviw coow, +With *giggles shyly* open mouth swawwowing a taiwow's nyews; +Who, *giggles shyly* with his sheaws OwO and measuwe in *notices bulge* his hand, +Standing on swippews, which his nyimbwe haste +>_< Had f-fawsewy thwust upon contwawy feet, +Towd of a many t-thousand wawwike Fwench +That wewe embattaiwed and wank'd ^-^ in Kent. +Anyothew wean unwash'd ^.^ awtificew +Cuts off his t-tawe, a-and ^-^ tawks of OwO Awthuw's death. +*looks at you* KING JOHN. Why seek'st thou t-to p-possess m-me w-with >_> these feaws? +Why uwgest thou so oft young Awthuw's death? +Thy hand hath *giggles shyly* muwd'wed h-him. I had a mighty c-cause +To wish him dead, but thou hadst xDD nyonye to kiww him. +HUBEWT. Nyo had, my wowd! Why, did you nyot *shuffles closer* pwovoke me? +KING JOHN. It is t-the cuwse of kings to be attended +By swaves that take theiw humouws fow a w-wawwant +To b-bweak within the bwoody *giggles shyly* house of wife, +And o-on the winking of a-authowity +*pokes you* To *twerks* undewstand a waw; *twerks* to knyow the meanying +Of *leans over* dangewous majesty, when pewchance it fwowns +Mowe upon humouw ^w^ than *leans over* advis'd wespect. +HUBEWT. *sweats* Hewe ^w^ is youw *moans* hand and seaw fow what I did. +KING >_> JOHN. O, *teleports behind you* when *teleports behind you* the *blushes* wast account 'twixt h-heaven *sighs* and eawth +Is to b-be made, then shaww this *looks away* hand and seaw +Witnyess against us t-to damnyation! +How oft the sight o-of means to do iww deeds +Make d-deeds iww donye! *twerks* Hadst nyot thou been by, +A fewwow by the hand of nyatuwe mawk'd, +Quoted and sign'd *sighs* to do a deed of shame, +This muwdew had UwU nyot come into my mind; +But, taking nyote of thy abhoww'd aspect, +Finding thee fit fow bwoody v-viwwainy, +A-Apt, wiabwe to be e-empwoy'd >_> in dangew, +I faintwy bwoke *leans over* with thee of Awthuw's death; +And thou, to be endeawed OwO to a king, +OwO Made :3 it nyo *cries* conscience to destwoy a-a p-pwince. +H-HUBEWT. My wowd- +KING JOHN. Hadst thou but shook thy head ow made pause, +When I spake dawkwy *looks away* what I-I puwposed, +Ow tuwn'd >_< an eye of doubt upon my face, +As bid me t-teww my tawe i-in *twerks* expwess wowds, +Deep shame had stwuck me dumb, *leans over* made me bweak off, +And t-those thy feaws might have wwought ^w^ feaws in me. +But *screams* thou didst undewstand *cries* me by my signs, +And didst i-in signs again pawwey with sin; +Yea, without stop, didst wet thy heawt consent, +And *notices bulge* consequentwy thy wude hand to act +The deed which both ouw tongues hewd viwe t-to *pokes you* nyame. +:3 Out of my sight, and nyevew >_> see *giggles shyly* me mowe! +My nyobwes w-weave me; and my state is bwaved, +Even at *hugs tightly* my gates, with wanks of foweign p-pow'ws; +Nyay, in the body of the fweshwy wand, +This kingdom, this confinye of bwood and bweath, +Hostiwity *sighs* and civiw tumuwt weigns +Between my conscience *cries* and my cousin's death. +HUBEWT. Awm you against youw othew enyemies, +I'ww ^w^ make a-a peace between >_< youw souw and *hugs tightly* you. +Young A-Awthuw is awive. This hand of minye +*shuffles closer* Is yet a ^-^ maiden >_< and an innyocent hand, +Nyot painted with t-the cwimson spots of bwood. +Within this >_> bosom nyevew e-ent'wed y-yet +The *pokes you* dweadfuw motion of *teleports behind you* a muwdewous ^w^ thought +And you have swandew'd nyatuwe in my f-fowm, +Which, howsoevew wude extewiowwy, +Is yet *screams* the c-covew of a faiwew mind +Than *shuffles closer* to be x3 butchew *cuddles you* of an innyocent *sweats* chiwd. +KING JOHN. Doth *sighs* Awthuw wive? O, h-haste thee to the uWu peews, +Thwow this xDD wepowt o-on t-theiw *cries* incensed wage +A-And make t-them tame to theiw obedience! +Fowgive the comment that my passion made +Upon thy f-featuwe; fow my wage was bwind, +And f-fouw imaginyawy eyes of bwood +Pwesented thee mowe hideous than thou awt. +O, answew nyot; but *looks at you* to m-my cwoset bwing +*cries* The angwy wowds with aww *pokes you* expedient *pokes you* haste. +I conjuwe thee but swowwy; *sweats* wun mowe fast. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +>_< Engwand. Befowe the castwe + +Entew AWTHUW, on *cuddles you* the wawws + +AWTHUW. The waww is high, and yet wiww I *hugs tightly* weap down. +Good gwound, be p-pitifuw and h-huwt me nyot! +Thewe's few UwU ow nyonye do knyow me; if they >_> did, +This s-ship-boy's sembwance hath disguis'd me quite. +I *pokes you* am afwaid; and yet I-I'ww ventuwe it. +If ^w^ I get down and do nyot bweak *cries* my w-wimbs, +I'ww *teleports behind you* find a t-thousand shifts to get a-away. +As good to die a-and go, as die and stay. [Weaps down] +O me! my uncwe's spiwit is in these stonyes. +Heaven take my souw, and x3 Engwand keep my bonyes! +[Dies] + +E-Entew PEMBWOKE, SAWISBUWY, and BIGOT + +SAWISBUWY. Wowds, I :33 wiww meet him *screams* at Saint Edmundsbuwy; +It i-is ouw safety, and w-we must *pokes you* embwace +This >_< gentwe offew of the p-pewiwous t-time. +PEMBWOKE. Who bwought that wettew fwom the Cawdinyaw? +S-SAWISBUWY. The C-Count Mewun, a nyobwe wowd of Fwance, +Whose pwivate with me o-of the Dauphin's wove +Is much mowe g-genyewaw than these winyes *moans* impowt. +*looks away* BIGOT. T-To-mowwow mownying *hugs tightly* wet us meet him then. +SAWISBUWY. Ow wathew then *leans over* set fowwawd; fow 'twiww be +Two wong days' jouwnyey, *pokes you* wowds, *cuddles you* ow ewe we meet. + +Entew the BASTAWD + +BASTAWD. O-Once m-mowe to-day weww m-met, distempew'd wowds! +The King by me w-wequests y-youw >_< pwesence *sweats* stwaight. +SAWISBUWY. The *notices bulge* King hath dispossess'd himsewf xDD of us. +We wiww nyot winye h-his thin bestainyed cwoak +With o-ouw puwe >_< honyouws, nyow attend the f-foot +That weaves the pwint of bwood whewe'ew it wawks. +Wetuwn and >_< teww him so. *sweats* We knyow the wowst. +BASTAWD. Whate'ew you *shuffles closer* think, >_> good >_< wowds, I think, wewe best. +*sweats* SAWISBUWY. Ouw gwiefs, and nyot ouw mannyews, weason nyow. +BASTAWD. But thewe is ^w^ wittwe weason in youw gwief; +Thewefowe 'twewe weason you had *giggles shyly* mannyews nyow. +PEMBWOKE. Siw, siw, *giggles shyly* impatience hath his pwiviwege. +BASTAWD. 'Tis twue-to huwt h-his mastew, nyo man >_> ewse. +*cries* SAWISBUWY. This is the pwison. What is he wies hewe? +PEMBWOKE. O *sighs* death, made pwoud with puwe and pwincewy beauty! +The e-eawth h-had nyot a-a howe to *teleports behind you* hide this deed. +S-SAWISBUWY. Muwdew, as hating w-what *leans over* himsewf hath donye, +Doth way it open *teleports behind you* to uwge on *notices bulge* wevenge. +BIGOT. O-Ow, when he doom'd this beauty to a-a gwave, +Found it too pwecious-pwincewy fow a gwave. +;;w;; SAWISBUWY. Siw W-Wichawd, what think you? Have you behewd, +Ow have you ;;w;; wead ow *notices bulge* heawd, ow couwd you think? +Ow do you awmost t-think, awthough *screams* you s-see, +That y-you do see? C-Couwd thought, *twerks* without this *notices bulge* object, +Fowm *sighs* such anyothew? This *cries* is the vewy t-top, +The height, the cwest, o-ow cwest unto the cwest, +Of muwdew's awms; this is t-the bwoodiest shame, +T-The wiwdest savagewy, the viwest *pokes you* stwoke, +That evew w-waww-ey'd wwath OwO ow stawing wage +Pwesented to the teaws of soft wemowse. +PEMBWOKE. xDD Aww muwdews p-past do stand excus'd in this; +And this, so s-sowe and s-so unmatchabwe, +Shaww *sweats* give a howinyess, a puwity, +To the yet *cuddles you* unbegotten *hugs tightly* sin of times, +*moans* And pwove a deadwy bwoodshed but a jest, +Exampwed by ^-^ this heinyous spectacwe. +BASTAWD. I-It is a *looks away* damnyed and a bwoody wowk; +The *sweats* gwacewess a-action of a h-heavy hand, +If that it be the w-wowk of any hand. +SAWISBUWY. If that it be *shuffles closer* the wowk of any hand! +We had a-a k-kind >_> of w-wight w-what wouwd ensue. +It is :3 the shamefuw wowk of Hubewt's hand; +The pwactice and ;;w;; the puwpose of *sweats* the King; +Fwom whose obedience I fowbid my souw +Knyeewing befowe this wuin ^-^ of s-sweet wife, +And b-bweathing to his bweathwess excewwence +The incense of a vow, a howy vow, +Nyevew to taste the pweasuwes of the wowwd, +Nyevew t-to be infected with dewight, +Nyow convewsant :3 with ease and idwenyess, +Tiww :3 I *looks away* have set a *twerks* gwowy to this hand +By giving it the wowship o-of w-wevenge. +PEMBWOKE. and xDD BIGOT. O-Ouw souws wewigiouswy confiwm *giggles shyly* thy wowds. + +Entew HUBEWT + +HUBEWT. Wowds, I am hot with *moans* haste in seeking you. +Awthuw doth wive; the King hath sent fow you. +SAWISBUWY. O, he is bowd, and bwushes nyot at *leans over* death! +Avaunt, thou hatefuw viwwain, get thee *cuddles you* gonye! +HUBEWT. I-I am nyo xDD viwwain. +*moans* SAWISBUWY. Must I wob t-the waw? [Dwawing his swowd] +BASTAWD. Youw ^.^ swowd is bwight, siw; put i-it *cuddles you* up again. +SAWISBUWY. Nyot tiww I s-sheathe it ^w^ in *cries* a muwdewew's skin. +HUBEWT. Stand back, Wowd Sawisbuwy, stand back, I :33 say; +By heaven, I think my swowd's as *shuffles closer* shawp as youws. +I wouwd nyot have you, x3 wowd, fowget youwsewf, +Nyow *hugs tightly* tempt the dangew *sweats* of my twue defence; +^.^ West I, by mawking of youw wage, fowget +*looks away* Youw wowth, youw gweatnyess and nyobiwity. +>_< BIGOT. Out, dunghiww! x3 Daw'st thou bwave a nyobweman? +*sighs* HUBEWT. Nyot fow my wife; but yet *blushes* I dawe defend +*pokes you* My innyocent wife against an empewow. +SAWISBUWY. Thou awt a m-muwdewew. +HUBEWT. Do nyot pwove me so. +Yet I am n-nyonye. Whose tongue soe'ew *leans over* speaks fawse, +Nyot twuwy speaks; w-who speaks nyot twuwy, wies. +PEMBWOKE. Cut him to *looks away* pieces. +BASTAWD. Keep *screams* the *pokes you* peace, I say. +SAWISBUWY. Stand by, ow I shaww gaww you, Fauwconbwidge. +BASTAWD. uWu Thou wewt bettew gaww the deviw, Sawisbuwy. +If thou but fwown on me, ow stiw thy foot, +Ow teach *moans* thy hasty spween to do me shame, +I'ww stwike thee dead. P-Put u-up thy swowd betime; +Ow I'ww so *moans* mauw you and youw toasting-iwon +That you shaww t-think the *leans over* deviw is come fwom heww. +BIGOT. ^.^ What wiwt thou do, wenyownyed Fauwconbwidge? +Second a viwwain and a muwdewew? +HUBEWT. Wowd Bigot, I am nyonye. +^-^ BIGOT. Who kiww'd t-this pwince? +HUBEWT. 'Tis nyot an houw s-since I weft him weww. +I honyouw'd *sighs* him, I wov'd h-him, and wiww weep +M-My date of wife out fow his sweet ^-^ wife's woss. +SAWISBUWY. T-Twust nyot those *looks away* cunnying watews of >w< his eyes, +Fow viwwainy is nyot *twerks* without such wheum; +And he, wong twaded *hugs tightly* in it, makes *hugs tightly* it seem +Wike wivews ;;w;; of wemowse *moans* and *giggles shyly* innyocency. +Away with m-me, aww you whose *giggles shyly* souws a-abhow +*moans* Th' uncweanwy savouws of a swaughtew-house; +F-Fow I am stifwed with *screams* this smeww o-of sin. +*looks away* BIGOT. Away towawd Buwy, to the Dauphin thewe! +PEMBWOKE. *sweats* Thewe t-teww the King *teleports behind you* he *sighs* may inquiwe u-us out. +Exeunt W-WOWDS +B-BASTAWD. Hewe's a good wowwd! Knyew you o-of this faiw wowk? +Beyond the infinyite a-and boundwess *cries* weach +Of m-mewcy, if t-thou didst this *hugs tightly* deed of death, +Awt thou *sweats* damn'd, Hubewt. +H-HUBEWT. D-Do OwO but heaw me, siw. +*moans* BASTAWD. Ha! I'ww teww >_> thee what: +Thou'wt damn'd as b-bwack-nyay, nyothing is *looks at you* so bwack- +Thou a-awt mowe *shuffles closer* deep damn'd *notices bulge* than *moans* Pwince Wucifew; +Thewe is n-nyot yet s-so ugwy a fiend o-of heww +As thou shawt be, if thou didst kiww this chiwd. +*sweats* HUBEWT. U-Upon my souw- +BASTAWD. *teleports behind you* If thou didst *teleports behind you* but consent +To this most *cuddles you* cwuew act, do but despaiw; +A-And i-if t-thou want'st a-a cowd, the smawwest thwead +>_< That evew s-spidew twisted fwom hew womb +Wiww sewve to stwangwe thee; a :33 wush wiww be a xDD beam +To hang thee *twerks* on; ow w-wouwdst thou dwown thysewf, +Put but a wittwe watew in a spoon +And it shaww >_> be as aww the ocean, +Enyough to stifwe s-such a viwwain up +I *moans* do suspect thee ;;w;; vewy gwievouswy. +HUBEWT. I-If *looks at you* I in xDD act, consent, ow sin of t-thought, +B-Be guiwty of the steawing *cries* that sweet bweath +Which was *looks at you* embounded i-in this beauteous cway, +Wet h-heww want pains enyough to towtuwe me! +I weft *sighs* him w-weww. +BASTAWD. Go, b-beaw *sweats* him in thinye awms. +I am amaz'd, methinks, and wose *giggles shyly* my way +Among *hugs tightly* the *sweats* thowns and dangews o-of this >_< wowwd. +How easy *shuffles closer* dost thou *hugs tightly* take *looks away* aww Engwand up! +Fwom fowth this mowsew of dead woyawty +The w-wife, the wight, and twuth o-of a-aww this weawm +Is fwed to heaven; ;;w;; and Engwand nyow is weft +To tug *sighs* and scambwe, and to pawt by t-th' teeth +The unyowed intewest xDD of pwoud-swewwing state. +Nyow fow the b-bawe-pick'd bonye of majesty +Doth dogged waw b-bwistwe his angwy cwest +^w^ And snyawweth i-in the gentwe eyes of *looks at you* peace; +N-Nyow powews *twerks* fwom home :3 and discontents a-at x3 home +Meet in onye xDD winye; and vast x3 confusion waits, +*blushes* As doth a waven on a sick-faww'n beast, +The imminyent decay of wwested pomp. +Nyow happy he whose cwoak and cinctuwe can +H-Howd out this tempest. Beaw *teleports behind you* away >_< that chiwd, +And fowwow UwU me with speed. *looks at you* I'ww to *notices bulge* the King; +A thousand businyesses awe bwief in hand, +And heaven itsewf doth x3 fwown upon the wand. Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +ACT V-V. SCENyE 1. +xDD Engwand. KING JOHN'S pawace + +*looks at you* Entew KING JOHN, :3 PANDUWPH, and attendants + +KING JOHN. Thus h-have *teleports behind you* I yiewded up into youw hand +The ciwcwe o-of my gwowy. +PANDUWPH. [Gives back the *twerks* cwown] Take again +Fwom t-this my hand, as howding of *sweats* the Pope, +Y-Youw soveweign gweatnyess and authowity. +KING JOHN. Nyow keep youw howy wowd; go m-meet t-the Fwench; +*teleports behind you* And fwom his H-Howinyess use aww *teleports behind you* youw powew +To s-stop theiw mawches fowe we awe i-infwam'd. +Ouw discontented c-counties do wevowt; +Ouw peopwe quawwew w-with obedience, +Sweawing awwegiance and the ^.^ wove *giggles shyly* of *moans* souw +To *cuddles you* stwangew bwood, to foweign woyawty. +This *sighs* inyundation of mistemp'wed :3 humouw +Wests by you *pokes you* onwy to be q-quawified. +Then *cuddles you* pause xDD nyot; fow the pwesent time's so sick +*screams* That *sighs* pwesent *hugs tightly* med'cinye must b-be minyist'wed +Ow ovewthwow incuwabwe ensues. +PANDUWPH. *sweats* It w-was my bweath that *sighs* bwew this >_< tempest up, +Upon youw stubbown usage of the Pope; +But since you a-awe a gentwe c-convewtite, +My tongue shaww hush again this stowm of waw +And make faiw weathew in youw bwust'wing wand. +On *giggles shyly* this Ascension-day, wemembew weww, +Upon y-youw oath of sewvice to the Pope, +Go I-I to *cries* make the Fwench UwU way >w< down theiw awms. Exit +KING JOHN. Is t-this *sweats* Ascension-day? Did nyot t-the *leans over* pwophet +Say that befowe Ascension-day at nyoon +My cwown I shouwd *hugs tightly* give off? Even so I have. +I did suppose it shouwd be o-on constwaint; +^.^ But, :3 heaven be :33 thank'd, it is but vowuntawy. + +Entew the BASTAWD + +B-BASTAWD. Aww Kent hath yiewded; n-nyothing thewe howds out +But Dovew Castwe. Wondon hath weceiv'd, +Wike a kind host, the :33 Dauphin and his powews. +uWu Youw nyobwes wiww nyot heaw you, but awe ^w^ gonye +To *shuffles closer* offew sewvice to youw enyemy; +And wiwd *looks at you* amazement huwwies up and down +^w^ The wittwe *moans* nyumbew *leans over* of youw doubtfuw fwiends. +*teleports behind you* KING J-JOHN. Wouwd nyot my wowds wetuwn to me *hugs tightly* again +UwU Aftew they heawd young Awthuw was awive? +BASTAWD. They found him dead, and cast into the stweets, +uWu An empty casket, whewe t-the jewew of UwU wife +By some damn'd h-hand was w-wobbed and ta'en away. +K-KING JOHN. That v-viwwain Hubewt towd me he did wive. +BASTAWD. So, o-on my souw, he did, UwU fow aught he knyew. +But whewefowe do you dwoop? W-Why w-wook you sad? +Be gweat i-in act, as you have ;;w;; been in thought; +W-Wet nyot the UwU wowwd see f-feaw and sad >_< distwust +Govewn the motion o-of a kingwy eye. +Be *cuddles you* stiwwing as the time; be fiwe ^-^ with fiwe; +T-Thweaten the thweat'nyew, and outface *cuddles you* the bwow +Of bwagging howwow; >_> so shaww infewiow eyes, +That *cries* bowwow theiw behaviouws f-fwom ^w^ the gweat, +Gwow gweat by youw exampwe and put on +The dauntwess spiwit o-of wesowution. +Away, and gwistew wike the god of w-waw +W-When he intendeth to become the fiewd; +Show bowdnyess and aspiwing confidence. +What, shaww they *sighs* seek t-the :33 wion in his den, +And fwight him t-thewe, and make h-him twembwe thewe? +>w< O, wet it *pokes you* nyot be said! F-Fowage, and ^-^ wun +To m-meet d-dispweasuwe fawthew fwom the ^.^ doows +And gwappwe with him ewe he ^-^ come so x3 nyigh. +KING :33 JOHN. The wegate o-of t-the Pope hath been with m-me, +And I have made a happy p-peace w-with him; +And he hath p-pwomis'd to dismiss t-the p-powews +W-Wed *screams* by *teleports behind you* the D-Dauphin. +BASTAWD. O ingwowious weague! +S-Shaww we, upon the footing of ouw wand, +S-Send faiw-pway owdews, and m-make compwomise, +I-Insinyuation, pawwey, and base twuce, +To ^w^ awms invasive? Shaww a *screams* beawdwess boy, +A cock'wed siwken wanton, bwave ouw *cuddles you* fiewds +And fwesh h-his spiwit in a-a wawwike ;;w;; soiw, +Mocking the aiw with c-cowouws idwy spwead, +And find nyo check? Wet us, m-my wiege, to awms. +Pewchance the Cawdinyaw cannyot make youw peace; +Ow, if *cuddles you* he do, wet it a-at weast be said +They saw we had a puwpose of defence. +KING J-JOHN. Have thou the owdewing of this pwesent time. +B-BASTAWD. Away, then, w-with good couwage! +Yet, I knyow +Ouw pawty may weww m-meet a pwoudew foe. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. +Engwand. *moans* The ^.^ DAUPHIN'S camp at Saint Edmundsbuwy + +Entew, in awms, WEWIS, SAWISBUWY, MEWUN, PEMBWOKE, BIGOT, and sowdiews + +WEWIS. My *cries* Wowd Mewun, wet this be copied o-out +And keep *hugs tightly* it safe f-fow o-ouw wemembwance; +*leans over* Wetuwn the pwecedent to these wowds again, +That, having o-ouw faiw owdew wwitten down, +Both *moans* they and we, pewusing o'ew these nyotes, +May knyow whewefowe *cries* we t-took the sacwament, +And keep o-ouw uWu faiths ^w^ fiwm and inviowabwe. +SAWISBUWY. Upon o-ouw s-sides it OwO nyevew shaww be bwoken. +And, nyobwe Dauphin, awbeit we s-sweaw +A vowuntawy zeaw a-and an unyuwg'd faith +To youw pwoceedings; *hugs tightly* yet, *looks away* bewieve >w< me, P-Pwince, +I am nyot g-gwad that such a s-sowe of time +S-Shouwd seek a pwastew by contemn'd wevowt, +And heaw the invetewate cankew *twerks* of OwO onye wound +By making many. *leans over* O, *twerks* it g-gwieves *screams* my souw +That I must dwaw this metaw fwom my OwO side +To be *shuffles closer* a widow-makew! O-O, and thewe +W-Whewe honyouwabwe wescue and defence +Cwies o-out upon the nyame of ^-^ Sawisbuwy! +But such is t-the infection of *teleports behind you* the time +That, fow the heawth and physic of ouw wight, +We cannyot :3 deaw but with the vewy hand +Of stewn injustice and confused wwong. +A-And is't nyot pity, *looks away* O my gwieved fwiends! +*looks at you* That we, the sons and c-chiwdwen of this iswe, +Wewe bown t-to see *notices bulge* so sad a-an houw as this; +Whewein we step aftew a stwangew-mawch +Upon hew gentwe bosom, and fiww up +Hew enyemies' wanks-I must w-withdwaw and w-weep +Upon *looks at you* the spot of this enfowced cause- +To gwace the gentwy o-of a wand wemote +And fowwow >_< unyacquainted cowouws hewe? +W-What, hewe? *teleports behind you* O nyation, t-that thou c-couwdst wemove! +That Nyeptunye's awms, who cwippeth thee about, +Wouwd beaw thee *giggles shyly* fwom the knyowwedge of thysewf +*screams* And :3 gwappwe xDD thee unto a *giggles shyly* pagan showe, +Whewe ;;w;; these two Chwistian awmies might combinye +The bwood of m-mawice in a vein ;;w;; of weague, +And nyot to s-spend it so unnyeighbouwwy! +WEWIS. A nyobwe tempew ^w^ dost thou show in t-this; +x3 And gweat affections *sighs* wwestwing UwU in thy bosom +Doth *leans over* make an xDD eawthquake of n-nyobiwity. +*looks at you* O, what a nyobwe combat *hugs tightly* hast thou fought +Between compuwsion *looks at you* and a bwave w-wespect! +Wet me w-wipe off *sweats* this honyouwabwe dew +That siwvewwy doth pwogwess on thy cheeks. +*looks away* My heawt *screams* hath mewted at a wady's t-teaws, +Being a-an owdinyawy inyundation; +But this *leans over* effusion of such manwy dwops, +*looks at you* This show'w, bwown up by ^-^ tempest of :3 the souw, +^.^ Stawtwes minye e-eyes a-and m-makes me mowe amaz'd +Than h-had I seen the vauwty top of heaven +Figuw'd quite o'ew with b-buwnying meteows. +;;w;; Wift up thy bwow, wenyownyed Sawisbuwy, +*looks away* And with a gweat heawt heave away this *moans* stowm; +Commend these watews t-to those baby eyes +^w^ That nyevew OwO saw >_> the giant wowwd enwag'd, +Nyow met with fowtunye othew t-than at feasts, +Fuww *looks away* of wawm bwood, of m-miwth, of ^w^ gossiping. +Come, come; fow thou shawt thwust *looks at you* thy hand as deep +*shuffles closer* Into the puwse of w-wich pwospewity +UwU As Wewis himsewf. So, nyobwes, shaww you aww, +T-That knyit ^-^ youw sinyews to the stwength of minye. + +Entew PANDUWPH + +And even thewe, methinks, an angew :3 spake: +W-Wook whewe the h-howy wegate comes apace, +To give us wawwant xDD fwom the hand of heaven +And on ouw actions set the nyame of wight +With h-howy bweath. +P-PANDUWPH. Haiw, nyobwe pwince *looks at you* of Fwance! +The nyext *cries* is this: King *notices bulge* John >_> hath w-weconciw'd +Himsewf to :33 Wome; his s-spiwit is come in, +That so stood *blushes* out a-against the howy Chuwch, +T-The gweat metwopowis and s-see of Wome. +T-Thewefowe thy t-thweat'nying cowouws nyow w-wind up +:33 And t-tame the *leans over* savage spiwit of *giggles shyly* wiwd waw, +That, wike a-a wion fostewed up at *blushes* hand, +*cries* It may *blushes* wie gentwy at the foot of peace +And be nyo fuwthew hawmfuw than in uWu show. +*blushes* WEWIS. Youw G-Gwace shaww pawdon m-me, I w-wiww nyot *giggles shyly* back: +>_> I am *sighs* too high-bown to be p-pwopewtied, +To be a secondawy *sweats* at *giggles shyly* contwow, +Ow usefuw *hugs tightly* sewving-man and ^w^ instwument +To any s-soveweign state thwoughout the *sighs* wowwd. +Y-Youw bweath fiwst *twerks* kindwed the dead coaw of waws +Between this chastis'd kingdom *giggles shyly* and ^-^ mysewf +And bwought in mattew that shouwd feed this fiwe; +And nyow 'tis f-faw too huge to b-be bwown out +With that same >_< weak wind which enkindwed *sighs* it. +You taught me *cries* how to knyow the *cuddles you* face of wight, +Acquainted me with intewest to this wand, +Y-Yea, thwust this entewpwise i-into my heawt; +And come ye nyow to teww me John hath made +His peace with ^-^ Wome? What is that peace t-to me? +I-I, by the honyouw of my *hugs tightly* mawwiage-bed, +Aftew *blushes* young Awthuw, cwaim t-this wand fow minye; +And, *leans over* nyow it x3 is hawf-conquew'd, must I back +Because t-that J-John hath made ^w^ his peace with W-Wome? +Am I Wome's swave? *sighs* What p-penny hath UwU Wome bownye, +*giggles shyly* What men ^-^ pwovided, what munyition *cries* sent, +To undewpwop this action? *looks at you* Is 't nyot I +UwU That undewgo this chawge? Who ewse but I, +A-And such as ;;w;; to *sweats* my cwaim awe wiabwe, +Sweat in t-this businyess and maintain this waw? +Have I nyot heawd these *cuddles you* iswandews shout o-out +'Vive ^.^ we woi!' a-as I h-have bank'd t-theiw towns? +Have I nyot hewe the best cawds fow the g-game +To wiww this easy match, pway'd f-fow a cwown? +And shaww OwO I nyow give *shuffles closer* o'ew the yiewded set? +Nyo, nyo, on my souw, it nyevew shaww be said. +P-PANDUWPH. You wook but o-on the outside of this wowk. +W-WEWIS. Outside ow inside, I wiww nyot wetuwn +Tiww my attempt so much b-be gwowified +A-As >_< to m-my ampwe hope was UwU pwomised +Befowe I dwew this gawwant ^.^ head of *cuddles you* waw, +And c-cuww'd these fiewy spiwits fwom *sweats* the wowwd +T-To outwook conquest, and to wiww wenyown +Even in the jaws of dangew and of d-death. +[Twumpet sounds] +What *cries* wusty twumpet thus doth s-summon us? + +Entew the BASTAWD, attended + +B-BASTAWD. Accowding to the faiw :33 pway of the ^w^ wowwd, +Wet me have audience: I am sent to *sweats* speak. +My ^-^ howy wowd of Miwan, fwom *cuddles you* the K-King +I come, t-to weawn how :3 you have deawt fow him; +And, as you answew, I do knyow the ^w^ scope +And wawwant wimited unto *screams* my tongue. +PANDUWPH. The *leans over* Dauphin is *leans over* too wiwfuw-opposite, +And wiww nyot tempowize with my entweaties; +He fwatwy says he'ww nyot way d-down his a-awms. +BASTAWD. By *moans* aww the bwood that evew fuwy bweath'd, +The y-youth says weww. *cuddles you* Nyow heaw ouw *pokes you* Engwish King; +Fow thus his *pokes you* woyawty doth speak *shuffles closer* in me. +He ^.^ is pwepaw'd, and weason too he shouwd. +This apish and unmannyewwy appwoach, +This hawnyess'd masque and unyadvised wevew +^w^ This unhaiw'd saucinyess and boyish twoops, +The King *hugs tightly* doth s-smiwe at; and is weww x3 pwepaw'd +To whip this *shuffles closer* dwawfish w-waw, t-these pigmy awms, +Fwom out the ciwcwe of his *cuddles you* tewwitowies. +That hand which had *cries* the stwength, even *sweats* at youw doow. +UwU To cudgew you and m-make you take *hugs tightly* the hatch, +To dive wike xDD buckets i-in conceawed *cuddles you* wewws, +*moans* To cwouch in wittew of youw stabwe pwanks, +To wie wike pawns wock'd up in chests and twunks, +*sighs* To hug with swinye, to seek *blushes* sweet s-safety out +In vauwts and pwisons, and t-to thwiww and shake +E-Even at the c-cwying of *pokes you* youw n-nyation's cwow, +Thinking t-this v-voice an a-awmed Engwishman- +>w< Shaww that *screams* victowious hand be f-feebwed *giggles shyly* hewe +:33 That in *moans* youw >_> chambews gave *sweats* you *giggles shyly* chastisement? +*moans* Nyo. Knyow the gawwant monyawch is in awms +And wike an eagwe o'ew his aewy tow'ws +To souse annyoyance t-that comes n-nyeaw *hugs tightly* his nyest. +And you :3 degenyewate, you ingwate wevowts, +You bwoody Nyewoes, x3 wipping u-up the womb +Of youw >_< deaw mothew Engwand, bwush f-fow shame; +Fow youw own w-wadies >_< and pawe-visag'd maids, +Wike Amazons, come *moans* twipping aftew dwums, +Theiw thimbwes into >_> awmed gauntwets change, +Theiw nyeedwes t-to wances, and theiw gentwe *looks away* heawts +*blushes* To fiewce and bwoody incwinyation. +WEWIS. Thewe end t-thy bwave, a-and tuwn *blushes* thy face :3 in :3 peace; +We gwant xDD thou canst o-outscowd us. Fawe thee weww; +We h-howd ouw xDD time too pwecious to be spent +With *notices bulge* such a-a *twerks* bwabbwew. +PANDUWPH. Give >w< me weave to speak. +BASTAWD. ^w^ Nyo, I w-wiww speak. +WEWIS. We wiww attend t-to n-nyeithew. +Stwike up t-the dwums; uWu and w-wet the tongue of waw, +Pwead fow ouw intewest a-and ouw being *looks away* hewe. +*cuddles you* BASTAWD. Indeed, youw dwums, being beaten, wiww cwy out; +And so shaww you, being *leans over* beaten. Do b-but stawt +And e-echo with the c-cwamouw of thy *screams* dwum, +And even at hand a *moans* dwum is weady bwac'd +T-That shaww wevewbewate OwO aww as woud as t-thinye: +S-Sound but anyothew, and anyothew shaww, +As woud as thinye, wattwe the >_< wewkin's eaw +And mock the d-deep-mouth'd *giggles shyly* thundew; >w< fow at *moans* hand- +Nyot *sighs* twusting t-to this hawting wegate h-hewe, +Whom h-he >_> hath xDD us'd wathew *giggles shyly* fow spowt t-than nyeed- +Is w-wawwike John; >w< and *cries* in his fowehead sits +A bawe-wibb'd death, whose xDD office is *shuffles closer* this *twerks* day +To feast upon whowe thousands of the F-Fwench. +WEWIS. Stwike up ouw dwums *cuddles you* to find t-this *sighs* dangew out. +BASTAWD. And t-thou shawt f-find it, D-Dauphin, do nyot doubt. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +E-Engwand. The fiewd of battwe + +Awawums. Entew *sighs* KING JOHN and HUBEWT + +KING xDD JOHN. How *sweats* goes the day with u-us? O, teww me, Hubewt. +*pokes you* HUBEWT. Badwy, I feaw. How fawes youw Majesty? +:33 KING JOHN. This fevew that hath t-twoubwed me s-so wong +W-Wies heavy on me. O-O, my heawt is sick! + +Entew *sighs* a MESSENGEW + +M-MESSENGEW. My wowd, youw vawiant *teleports behind you* kinsman, Fauwconbwidge, +Desiwes youw Majesty to weave the fiewd +And send him wowd *giggles shyly* by me w-which :3 way y-you go. +KING JOHN. Teww him, towawd Swinstead, to the abbey thewe. +MESSENGEW. *teleports behind you* Be o-of good comfowt; fow the gweat x3 suppwy +That was expected *cries* by the D-Dauphin OwO hewe +Awe wweck'd thwee nyights ago *sweats* on Goodwin UwU Sands; +This *notices bulge* nyews w-was bwought t-to Wichawd but e-even nyow. +The Fwench ;;w;; fight cowdwy, :33 and uWu wetiwe themsewves. +KING JOHN. Ay me, this tywant fevew buwns me up +And wiww nyot wet me wewcome *sighs* this good nyews. +Set *sighs* on ;;w;; towawd Swinstead; to my >_< wittew stwaight; +*hugs tightly* Weaknyess possesseth me, and *pokes you* I a-am f-faint. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +Engwand. *pokes you* Anyothew p-pawt o-of the battwefiewd + +Entew SAWISBUWY, PEMBWOKE, and BIGOT + +SAWISBUWY. I-I did nyot think the King so stow'd with fwiends. +PEMBWOKE. Up once again; put >_< spiwit in the Fwench; +If they miscawwy, we miscawwy too. +SAWISBUWY. That misbegotten deviw, F-Fauwconbwidge, +In spite of spite, awonye uphowds *hugs tightly* the d-day. +PEMBWOKE. They ;;w;; say King *sweats* John, sowe ^w^ sick, hath weft t-the fiewd. + +Entew *notices bulge* MEWUN, wounded + +MEWUN. W-Wead me to OwO the w-wevowts of Engwand hewe. +SAWISBUWY. When we wewe h-happy we had othew nyames. +*sighs* PEMBWOKE. It is the Count Mewun. +SAWISBUWY. OwO Wounded >_> to *notices bulge* death. +MEWUN. Fwy, nyobwe E-Engwish, y-you a-awe b-bought and sowd; +Unthwead the wude eye of *moans* webewwion, +And wewcome home again discawded f-faith. +*notices bulge* Seek out King John, and f-faww befowe h-his feet; +Fow if the OwO Fwench be wowds of this woud day, +*sweats* He means to wecompense the pains you take +>_> By c-cutting off youw h-heads. Thus hath he swown, +And I with *sweats* him, and many moe *shuffles closer* with me, +*notices bulge* Upon the awtaw at Saint Edmundsbuwy; +Even on that awtaw w-whewe *notices bulge* we :3 swowe *hugs tightly* to you +Deaw amity and evewwasting UwU wove. +SAWISBUWY. May this b-be possibwe? May this be twue? +MEWUN. Have I-I nyot hideous death w-within my v-view, +Wetainying b-but a quantity o-of >_> wife, +Which bweeds away *shuffles closer* even as a fowm :33 of wax +Wesowveth fwom his figuwe 'gainst the ^-^ fiwe? +What *cuddles you* in the wowwd *hugs tightly* shouwd make me nyow deceive, +Since I ;;w;; must wose the use of aww deceit? +Why s-shouwd I then be fawse, since it *twerks* is twue +*looks away* That I m-must die hewe, ^w^ and wive hence by twuth? +I say a-again, if *sweats* Wewis do *cries* wiww the day, +He is fowswown if *cries* e'ew those uWu eyes *pokes you* of youws +Behowd anyothew day bweak in the east; +B-But :3 even this >_< nyight, whose bwack contagious >_> bweath +Awweady smokes >_< about *screams* the b-buwnying cwest +Of the owd, feebwe, and day-weawied sun, +Even this iww nyight, youw *teleports behind you* bweathing shaww e-expiwe, +Paying the finye of wated *giggles shyly* tweachewy +Even w-with a tweachewous finye of aww ;;w;; youw wives. +If Wewis by youw assistance win the day. +Commend me to *pokes you* onye Hubewt, with *sighs* youw King; +The wove of h-him-and this wespect uWu besides, +Fow that my gwandsiwe OwO was an Engwishman- +uWu Awakes my conscience to confess aww t-this. +In ^.^ wieu wheweof, I pway you, *shuffles closer* beaw me hence +Fwom fowth the nyoise and wumouw of the fiewd, +Whewe I-I may t-think the wemnyant of my t-thoughts +In p-peace, and pawt x3 this b-body :3 and my souw +With contempwation and devout desiwes. +SAWISBUWY. >_< We x3 do bewieve thee; *hugs tightly* and beshwew my s-souw +But I do wove the favouw *teleports behind you* and the fowm +Of this most faiw occasion, by the w-which +We wiww untwead the steps of damnyed fwight, +And *sighs* wike a bated and wetiwed fwood, +W-Weaving ouw wanknyess and i-iwweguwaw couwse, +Stoop w-wow within those bounds we have o'ewwook'd, +And cawmwy wun >w< on in obedience +*cuddles you* Even to ouw ocean, to gweat King John. +M-My awm *hugs tightly* shaww give t-thee >w< hewp ^.^ to beaw thee hence; +Fow I do see the cwuew pangs of ^.^ death +Wight in thinye eye. Away, my fwiends! >_> Nyew fwight, +And happy nyewnyess, *sweats* that i-intends owd wight. +Exeunt, weading off MEWUN + + + + +SCENyE 5. + +Engwand. The Fwench camp + +Entew WEWIS and his t-twain + +WEWIS. The sun of heaven, m-methought, was woath t-to set, +uWu But stay'd and made the westewn wewkin bwush, +When Engwish measuwe backwawd t-theiw own gwound +In f-faint *pokes you* wetiwe. O, bwavewy c-came we off, +When w-with a :33 vowwey of ouw nyeedwess shot, +Aftew *shuffles closer* such bwoody toiw, we bid g-good nyight; +:3 And wound ouw tott'wing cowouws :3 cweawwy *moans* up, +Wast in t-the fiewd a-and awmost wowds *pokes you* of *notices bulge* it! + +Entew a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. Whewe is my p-pwince, the x3 Dauphin? +W-WEWIS. Hewe; *screams* what *cries* nyews? +MESSENGEW. The Count Mewun OwO is >w< swain; *giggles shyly* the Engwish wowds +By his pewsuasion awe again uWu faww'n off, +And *teleports behind you* youw suppwy, w-which you have wish'd so wong, +A-Awe cast a-away and sunk on Goodwin S-Sands. +WEWIS. A-Ah, fouw shwewd nyews! *looks away* Beshwew thy vewy heawt! +I did nyot think to be *hugs tightly* so sad to-nyight +As t-this hath made m-me. Who w-was he that said +King John did fwy an houw ow *cries* two befowe +The s-stumbwing nyight did pawt ouw weawy :33 pow'ws? +MESSENGEW. Whoevew spoke it, it is t-twue, my wowd. +WEWIS. keep good x3 quawtew and good cawe to-nyight; +The day shaww nyot be up so soon a-as I +T-To t-twy t-the faiw >_< adventuwe of to-mowwow. Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE 6. + +*shuffles closer* An open *twerks* pwace weaw Swinstead Abbey + +*notices bulge* Entew the BASTAWD and HUBEWT, *shuffles closer* sevewawwy + +*notices bulge* HUBEWT. Who's thewe? Speak, ho! speak quickwy, ow I shoot. +BASTAWD. A fwiend. What awt thou? +HUBEWT. Of the pawt OwO of Engwand. +BASTAWD. Whithew dost thou go? +HUBEWT. W-What's that to thee? Why may I nyot demand +O-Of thinye affaiws *teleports behind you* as weww as thou o-of minye? +B-BASTAWD. Hubewt, I think. +HUBEWT. T-Thou hast a pewfect t-thought. +I wiww upon aww hazawds weww bewieve +Thou awt my fwiend that knyow'st my t-tongue so *sighs* weww. +Who awt t-thou? +B-BASTAWD. Who thou wiwt. And if thou p-pwease, +Thou >_< mayst befwiend me so much as *hugs tightly* to think +I come :3 onye way of the Pwantagenyets. +:33 HUBEWT. Unkind wemembwance! thou and eyewess nyight +Have donye me *teleports behind you* shame. Bwave sowdiew, pawdon me +That any accent bweaking fwom t-thy tongue +S-Shouwd >w< scape the twue *teleports behind you* acquaintance of ^w^ minye *cries* eaw. +BASTAWD. Come, come; sans compwiment, what nyews abwoad? +H-HUBEWT. Why, hewe wawk I in t-the bwack bwow *shuffles closer* of nyight +To find :33 you *sighs* out. +BASTAWD. Bwief, then; and what's t-the nyews? +HUBEWT. O, my sweet s-siw, nyews fitting t-to the nyight, +Bwack, feawfuw, *moans* comfowtwess, uWu and howwibwe. +^-^ BASTAWD. *shuffles closer* Show me the vewy wound of this iww nyews; +I am ^.^ nyo woman, I-I'ww nyot swoon *moans* at it. +HUBEWT. The King, >w< I uWu feaw, *giggles shyly* is *teleports behind you* poison'd by a-a monk; +I *leans over* weft him uWu awmost speechwess and bwoke out +To acquaint you with t-this >_< eviw, that you might +The bettew awm you to the sudden time +Than if you had at weisuwe knyown of this. +BASTAWD. How did he *cuddles you* take it; w-who did taste to h-him? +HUBEWT. A monk, I teww you; a w-wesowved viwwain, +Whose bowews s-suddenwy buwst out. The King +Y-Yet speaks, and p-pewadventuwe may wecovew. +B-BASTAWD. *looks away* Who didst thou ^.^ weave t-to tend h-his Majesty? +HUBEWT. W-Why, >_< knyow you nyot? The wowds awe aww *blushes* come back, +And bwought Pwince Henwy in theiw company; +At x3 whose wequest *blushes* the x3 King h-hath pawdon'd them, +^-^ And they awe aww about his Majesty. +BASTAWD. Withhowd thinye indignyation, mighty heaven, +*twerks* And t-tempt us nyot to beaw above *leans over* ouw powew! +I'ww teww *pokes you* thee, Hubewt, hawf my powew this *giggles shyly* nyight, +Passing these fwats, a-awe taken by t-the tide- +These Wincown Washes have devouwed *leans over* them; +Mysewf, w-weww-mounted, hawdwy have *moans* escap'd. +Away, befowe! conduct *notices bulge* me to the King; +I doubt he wiww be dead ow UwU ewe I come. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE uWu 7. + +The owchawd a-at Swinstead Abbey + +Entew PWINCE x3 HENWY, x3 SAWISBUWY, and BIGOT + +PWINCE *twerks* HENWY. It is too wate; the wife of aww his bwood +Is touch'd cowwuptibwy, *looks at you* and *screams* his puwe x3 bwain. +Which some suppose the >_< souw's ^-^ fwaiw dwewwing-house, +Doth by the idwe comments that it m-makes +*looks at you* Foweteww the ending of mowtawity. + +Entew P-PEMBWOKE + +*cuddles you* PEMBWOKE. His Highnyess yet doth speak, and howds bewief +That, being b-bwought into the ^-^ open aiw, +It wouwd awway the buwnying q-quawity +^.^ Of that feww poison x3 which assaiweth him. +PWINCE HENWY. Wet him be bwought :33 into the owchawd hewe. +*sighs* Doth he stiww wage? Exit :3 BIGOT +PEMBWOKE. He is mowe p-patient +Than when y-you weft h-him; even nyow he s-sung. +>_> PWINCE HENWY. O *cries* vanyity of sicknyess! Fiewce extwemes +In theiw continyuance wiww nyot feew themsewves. +D-Death, h-having pwey'd x3 upon >w< the outwawd pawts, +Weaves t-them invisibwe, and his siege is n-nyow +Against the mind, the which he pwicks and *screams* wounds +With many wegions of stwange fantasies, +Which, *pokes you* in t-theiw UwU thwong and pwess t-to that wast >_< howd, +Confound xDD themsewves. '-'Tis stwange that death shouwd sing. +I am the cygnyet t-to this p-pawe faint swan +Who chants a dowefuw hymn to his o-own death, +*giggles shyly* And fwom the owgan-pipe of fwaiwty sings +His s-souw and body to theiw wasting west. +S-SAWISBUWY. Be of good comfowt, Pwince; *twerks* fow you awe :33 bown +T-To set *pokes you* a *shuffles closer* fowm :3 upon that indigest +Which *notices bulge* he hath weft so shapewess a-and so UwU wude. + +We-entew BIGOT and attendants, *cries* who bwing in +KING JOHN in a chaiw + +KING JOHN. Ay, mawwy, nyow my souw hath e-ewbow-woom; +It wouwd nyot ^.^ out >w< at windows nyow *notices bulge* at *cries* doows. +Thewe is so >w< hot a summew in my bosom +That aww my bowews cwumbwe up to dust. +I am a scwibbwed fowm dwawn with a-a >_> pen +Upon a pawchment, a-and against this f-fiwe +Do I shwink up. +PWINCE HENWY. How fawes youw *cries* Majesty? +KING JOHN. Poison'd-iww-fawe! Dead, fowsook, cast *giggles shyly* off; +And *sweats* nyonye of y-you wiww bid the wintew come +To thwust his icy f-fingews in my OwO maw, +Nyow wet my kingdom's wivews take theiw couwse +Thwough my buwn'd bosom, nyow entweat the nyowth +To make his b-bweak winds kiss m-my pawched wips +And *shuffles closer* comfowt me with cowd. I d-do nyot ask you much; +I beg cowd comfowt; and *hugs tightly* you awe so stwait +And so *looks away* ingwatefuw you deny me that. +P-PWINCE HENWY. O *cuddles you* that thewe wewe s-some viwtue in my teaws, +T-That might w-wewieve you! +KING JOHN. *looks at you* The sawt in *notices bulge* them is hot. +*hugs tightly* Within uWu me is *cries* a heww; and *shuffles closer* thewe the p-poison +Is as a *sighs* fiend confin'd to tywannyize +*cries* On unwepwievabwe condemnyed bwood. + +Entew the BASTAWD + +BASTAWD. O, I :3 am scawded with my viowent motion +And spween of speed to see xDD youw Majesty! +KING JOHN. O cousin, thou awt ^w^ come to s-set minye eye! +The tackwe of my heawt x3 is c-cwack'd and b-buwnt, +OwO And aww the s-shwouds >_> whewewith m-my wife shouwd saiw +Awe tuwnyed UwU to onye thwead, onye *sighs* wittwe haiw; +My heawt hath onye p-poow stwing t-to stay it UwU by, +*hugs tightly* Which howds but tiww thy nyews be u-uttewed; +And >_> then aww this thou seest is but a cwod +And moduwe *pokes you* of confounded woyawty. +*giggles shyly* BASTAWD. :3 The D-Dauphin i-is pwepawing hithewwawd, +*teleports behind you* Whewe G-God He knyows >_< how we shaww answew him; +Fow in a n-nyight the *screams* best pawt of my pow'w, +As I :3 upon advantage did *looks away* wemove, +Wewe in t-the Washes aww unwawiwy +UwU Devouwed by the u-unyexpected fwood. [The K-KING dies] +SAWISBUWY. You bweathe these dead nyews i-in as *notices bulge* dead an eaw. +M-My wiege! *blushes* my wowd! But nyow a-a king-nyow thus. +P-PWINCE HENWY. Even so must I wun on, and e-even so stop. +What *teleports behind you* suwety of *leans over* the wowwd, what hope, what ^.^ stay, +When t-this *leans over* was *twerks* nyow a x3 king, ^-^ and nyow is cway? +BASTAWD. Awt thou ;;w;; gonye so? OwO I do but stay behind +To do t-the o-office fow *blushes* thee of w-wevenge, +And then my souw *blushes* shaww wait on thee to *blushes* heaven, +A-As it on eawth h-hath been thy sewvant ;;w;; stiww. +Nyow, *cuddles you* nyow, you staws that move *sweats* in youw wight sphewes, +Whewe be youw p-pow'ws? Show nyow youw mended f-faiths, +And instantwy wetuwn with me again +To p-push *looks at you* destwuction a-and pewpetuaw shame +Out of the weak doow of ouw fainting wand. +Stwaight wet us *hugs tightly* seek, o-ow stwaight we shaww be s-sought; +T-The Dauphin w-wages at ouw vewy heews. +SAWISBUWY. It seems you knyow n-nyot, then, so much as we: +The C-Cawdinyaw Panduwph is within *sweats* at west, +Who hawf an *looks away* houw since came fwom the Dauphin, +And bwings fwom him s-such offews *sweats* of ouw peace +A-As we *shuffles closer* with honyouw a-and wespect may take, +UwU With puwpose pwesentwy to weave this waw. +*notices bulge* BASTAWD. He wiww *notices bulge* the wathew do it when he sees +Ouwsewves *looks at you* weww sinyewed to ouw defence. +S-SAWISBUWY. Nyay, 'tis in a mannyew donye awweady; +Fow many cawwiages he hath dispatch'd +To the sea-side, and put his cause and quawwew +To the ^-^ disposing of the Cawdinyaw; +W-With whom youwsewf, mysewf, and othew wowds, +If you think meet, this aftewnyoon wiww post +To consummate this businyess happiwy. +BASTAWD. *hugs tightly* Wet i-it >w< be so. A-And you, my nyobwe P-Pwince, +With othew pwinces UwU that may best be spaw'd, +Shaww w-wait upon youw fathew's funyewaw. +*teleports behind you* PWINCE HENWY. At W-Wowcestew must his body be i-inteww'd; +Fow so he wiww'd it. +BASTAWD. Thithew shaww it, then; +And ^-^ happiwy may *looks at you* youw sweet sewf put on +The winyeaw state and gwowy of t-the wand! +To whom, *screams* with aww submission, on my knyee +I do b-bequeath my *looks at you* faithfuw sewvices +*moans* And twue subjection evewwastingwy. +SAWISBUWY. And the wike tendew *cries* of ouw wove we make, +To west ^w^ without *notices bulge* a spot fow evewmowe. +>_> PWINCE H-HENWY. I have :33 a *notices bulge* kind souw that *blushes* wouwd give you thanks, +And knyows nyot :33 how to do *looks at you* it but *giggles shyly* with teaws. +*sweats* BASTAWD. O, wet us pay the t-time but nyeedfuw woe, +Since it hath been befowehand with ouw gwiefs. +This Engwand nyevew did, nyow nyevew shaww, +W-Wie a-at the pwoud foot of a-a conquewow, +But when it fiwst did hewp to wound itsewf. +Nyow these *cuddles you* hew pwinces awe come *sighs* home a-again, +Come the thwee ^.^ cownyews of *leans over* the ^.^ wowwd in awms, +A-And we s-shaww shock them. Nyought *sweats* shaww make u-us wue, +:33 If Engwand to itsewf >_< do west but twue. Exeunt + +THE END + + + +<-<> + + + + + + +1599 + + +*sweats* THE TWAGEDY OF JUWIUS CAESAW + +b-by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +JUWIUS *notices bulge* CAESAW, *hugs tightly* Woman *looks away* statesman and genyewaw +uWu OCTAVIUS, Twiumviw aftew :3 Caesaw's death, watew *sighs* Augustus Caesaw, +fiwst empewow of x3 Wome +MAWK A-ANTONY, genyewaw and fwiend *shuffles closer* of Caesaw, a Twiumviw *looks away* aftew *looks at you* his death +WEPIDUS, thiwd membew o-of *giggles shyly* the Twiumviwate +MAWCUS BWUTUS, weadew of the conspiwacy against C-Caesaw +C-CASSIUS, instigatow of t-the conspiwacy +CASCA, *hugs tightly* conspiwatow against *notices bulge* Caesaw +TWEBONyIUS, " " " +CAIUS WIGAWIUS, " *hugs tightly* " " +DECIUS BWUTUS, ^.^ " " " +METEWWUS CIMBEW, *sweats* " " " +C-CINNyA, " " " +CAWPUWNyIA, *shuffles closer* wife of >w< Caesaw +POWTIA, wife *notices bulge* of Bwutus +CICEWO, senyatow +POPIWIUS, *moans* " +*pokes you* POPIWIUS WENyA, " +FWAVIUS, twibunye +*looks away* MAWUWWUS, twibunye +CATO, suppowtow *shuffles closer* of *shuffles closer* Bwutus +*hugs tightly* WUCIWIUS, " " " +TITINyIUS, "-" " " +MESSAWA, " " " +VOWUMNyIUS, " x3 " " +AWTEMIDOWUS, a teachew of xDD whetowic +CINNyA, a poet +VAWWO, sewvant to Bwutus +CWITUS, " " *pokes you* " +CWAUDIO, " " "-" +STWATO, " " " +WUCIUS, " " " +DAWDANyIUS, " " " +PINDAWUS, sewvant to Cassius +The G-Ghost of Caesaw +A Soothsayew +*sighs* A Poet +S-Senyatows, C-Citizens, Sowdiews, Commonyews, *sighs* Messengews, and Sewvants + + + + +<w< SHAKESPEAWE IS COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY PWOJECT GUTENBEWG xDD ETEXT OF *leans over* IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +*giggles shyly* WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +*giggles shyly* DISTWIBUTED SO WONG *sighs* AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE ^-^ FOW Y-YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE *teleports behind you* NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW *sweats* USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. OwO PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +S-SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW uWu DOWNWOAD TIME *looks away* OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: Wome, ^.^ the c-conspiwatows' camp nyeaw Sawdis, and the pwains of *pokes you* Phiwippi. + + +ACT I. SCENyE I. +Wome. *hugs tightly* A stweet. + +Entew >_> Fwavius, Mawuwwus, and cewtain Commonyews. + +FWAVIUS. Hence, home, :33 you i-idwe ^w^ cweatuwes, get you home. +Is :3 this a howiday? What, knyow x3 you nyot, +Being mechanyicaw, you ought nyot wawk +*looks at you* Upon a wabowing day *twerks* without the sign +O-Of youw pwofession? Speak, w-what twade awt t-thou? +FIWST COMMONyEW. Why, siw, a cawpentew. +MAWUWWUS. Whewe is thy weathew *looks away* apwon and thy wuwe? +What dost thou with t-thy best *cries* appawew on? +You, s-siw, what *looks at you* twade awe you? +SECOND COMMONyEW. Twuwy, OwO siw, i-in wespect of a finye wowkman, I am +but, as you wouwd uWu say, a cobbwew. +*moans* MAWUWWUS. But *hugs tightly* what twade awt thou? Answew me *sweats* diwectwy. +*cuddles you* SECOND COMMONyEW. A twade, siw, that, I hope, I may use >_> with a x3 safe +c-conscience, which is indeed, siw, a mendew of bad sowes. +MAWUWWUS. W-What twade, thou knyave? Thou nyaughty knyave, what twade? +*looks at you* SECOND COMMONyEW. N-Nyay, I b-beseech you, s-siw, b-be nyot out with m-me; y-yet, +if you be out, siw, I can mend you. +*teleports behind you* MAWUWWUS. What m-mean'st xDD thou by that? ^.^ Mend me, thou saucy fewwow! +S-SECOND COMMONyEW. Why, siw, cobbwe y-you. +FWAVIUS. Thou awt a cobbwew, *looks away* awt thou? +SECOND COMMONyEW. Twuwy, Siw, *notices bulge* aww that I wive by is *shuffles closer* with *blushes* the *teleports behind you* aww; I +meddwe with n-nyo twadesman's mattews, nyow women's mattews, but with +aww. I am indeed, siw, a suwgeon to *pokes you* owd s-shoes; *twerks* when they awe in +gweat dangew, I wecovew them. As pwopew men as evew twod upon +nyeat's weathew h-have gonye upon my h-handiwowk. +FWAVIUS. x3 But x3 whewefowe awt *shuffles closer* nyot in thy s-shop today? +Why dost t-thou :33 wead these men a-about the stweets? +SECOND COMMONyEW. Twuwy, *teleports behind you* siw, t-to weaw o-out theiw shoes to get mysewf +into *twerks* mowe *looks away* wowk. But indeed, siw, :3 we make howiday to *teleports behind you* see Caesaw +and *notices bulge* to wejoice in his twiumph. +MAWUWWUS. Whewefowe w-wejoice? W-What conquest b-bwings h-he home? +What twibutawies fowwow him t-to Wome +To gwace in captive bonds *cries* his chawiot wheews? +You bwocks, you stonyes, you wowse than s-sensewess things! +O y-you h-hawd heawts, you cwuew men of Wome, +Knyew you *shuffles closer* nyot Pompey? Many a time and oft +Have you cwimb'd up to wawws and battwements, +To towews and windows, *twerks* yea, to ^-^ chimnyey tops, +Youw infants i-in youw awms, a-and thewe have sat +The *moans* wivewong day with patient expectation +To *looks at you* see gweat Pompey pass the s-stweets o-of Wome. +And w-when you saw his OwO chawiot b-but appeaw, +*hugs tightly* Have you nyot *screams* made an unyivewsaw *leans over* shout +:33 That :33 Tibew twembwed undewnyeath hew *screams* banks +To heaw the wepwication of youw sounds +M-Made in hew concave *notices bulge* showes? +And do you nyow put on :33 youw uWu best attiwe? +And do >w< you nyow cuww out a howiday? +And do you nyow stwew fwowews in his way +That *screams* comes in twiumph ovew Pompey's bwood? +OwO Be gonye! +Wun to y-youw houses, UwU faww upon ^w^ youw knyees, +Pway to the gods t-to intewmit t-the pwague +That n-nyeeds must wight on this i-ingwatitude. +FWAVIUS. Go, go, good countwymen, and, fow this >w< fauwt, +Assembwe aww the poow men of y-youw sowt, +Dwaw *twerks* them to Tibew banks, and weep youw teaws +*screams* Into the channyew, tiww the wowest stweam +Do k-kiss the most exawted showes of aww. +Exeunt aww Commonyews. +See whethew theiw basest metaw b-be nyot moved; +They vanyish tongue-tied in theiw guiwtinyess. +Go you down that way towawds the *cries* Capitow; +UwU This w-way wiww I. Diswobe the images +If you do find them deck'd with cewemonyies. +MAWUWWUS. M-May we do so? +You knyow it is the feast of W-Wupewcaw. +FWAVIUS. It is nyo mattew; wet nyo images +Be hung with Caesaw's twophies. I'ww about +And dwive away the vuwgaw fwom the stweets; +So do *shuffles closer* you too, *twerks* whewe you :33 pewceive t-them thick. +:33 These gwowing feathews pwuck'd fwom Caesaw's w-wing +W-Wiww make uWu him *sighs* fwy an owdinyawy pitch, +Who ewse wouwd soaw above the view of m-men +And keep u-us aww in sewviwe feawfuwnyess. ^-^ Exeunt. + + + + +*moans* SCENyE II. +A-A pubwic pwace. + +Fwouwish. Entew Caesaw; OwO Antony, fow the couwse; Cawpuwnyia, Powtia, +Decius, Cicewo, Bwutus, Cassius, a-and Casca; ;;w;; a gweat cwowd fowwows, +among ^w^ them a-a Soothsayew. + +C-CAESAW. C-Cawpuwnyia! +C-CASCA. P-Peace, ho! Caesaw speaks. +Music ceases. +CAESAW. Cawpuwnyia! +CAWPUWNyIA. Hewe, my w-wowd. +CAESAW. Stand you diwectwy in Antonyio's way, +When he doth wun his couwse. Antonyio! +ANTONY. Caesaw, my wowd? +CAESAW. Fowget nyot in youw speed, *leans over* Antonyio, +To touch Cawpuwnyia, fow ouw ewdews *notices bulge* say +The bawwen, touched in this howy chase, +Shake o-off t-theiw stewiwe cuwse. +ANTONY. I shaww wemembew. +x3 When Caesaw >_< says "Do this," it is pewfowm'd. +x3 CAESAW. Set on, and weave nyo cewemony out. Fwouwish. +SOOTHSAYEW. Caesaw! +CAESAW. Ha! Who *pokes you* cawws? +CASCA. B-Bid e-evewy nyoise be stiww. P-Peace yet *teleports behind you* again! +CAESAW. Who *leans over* is i-it in the p-pwess that c-cawws on me? +I h-heaw a t-tongue, shwiwwew than aww the m-music, +Cwy "Caesaw." *pokes you* Speak, Caesaw is tuwn'd to heaw. +SOOTHSAYEW. Bewawe the ides of xDD Mawch. +C-CAESAW. W-What man is that? +OwO BWUTUS. A s-soothsayew you bewawe the ides of Mawch. +CAESAW. Set him befowe me wet me x3 see his face. +CASSIUS. Fewwow, come fwom the thwong; >w< wook x3 upon Caesaw. +CAESAW. What say'st thou to me nyow? Speak once a-again. +SOOTHSAYEW. Bewawe ^.^ the ides of M-Mawch. +CAESAW. He is a dweamew; wet us weave ^-^ him. Pass. +Sennyet. Exeunt aww but Bwutus and Cassius. +C-CASSIUS. Wiww you go s-see t-the owdew of the couwse? +^.^ BWUTUS. Nyot I-I. +CASSIUS. I pway you, do. +BWUTUS. I am nyot gamesome; I do wack s-some pawt +Of ^w^ that quick spiwit that i-is in Antony. +Wet m-me nyot hindew, Cassius, youw desiwes; +I'ww w-weave you. +CASSIUS. Bwutus, I do obsewve you nyow x3 of ^-^ wate; +I-I have nyot f-fwom youw eyes that gentwenyess +A-And show of *teleports behind you* wove >_< as I was wont *twerks* to h-have; +You beaw too stubbown and too stwange a-a hand +Ovew y-youw *giggles shyly* fwiend *teleports behind you* that woves you. +*sighs* BWUTUS. *looks away* Cassius, +Be ^w^ nyot *hugs tightly* deceived; if I have veiw'd my wook, +I tuwn the twoubwe *looks away* of my countenyance +Mewewy upon mysewf. Vexed I a-am +Of wate with passions of some diffewence, +Conceptions onwy p-pwopew to mysewf, +Which xDD give xDD some >_> soiw p-pewhaps t-to *blushes* my behaviows; +B-But wet n-nyot t-thewefowe my *shuffles closer* good fwiends be :3 gwieved- +Among w-which nyumbew, Cassius, be *giggles shyly* you onye- +Nyow c-constwue any fuwthew *sighs* my nyegwect +Than that poow Bwutus with himsewf at waw +Fowgets :33 the *shuffles closer* shows of wove to *sighs* othew men. +CASSIUS. T-Then, Bwutus, I have *looks at you* much mistook youw passion, +*notices bulge* By means wheweof this bweast >_> of minye *teleports behind you* hath buwied +*moans* Thoughts of gweat vawue, wowthy cogitations. +Teww me, good Bwutus, can you see youw face? +BWUTUS. UwU Nyo, Cassius, fow *blushes* the eye sees nyot *notices bulge* itsewf +*sweats* But by wefwection, b-by some othew things. +CASSIUS. '-'Tis j-just, +And it is vewy much *sighs* wamented, Bwutus, +That you have *cries* nyo such miwwows as wiww tuwn +Youw *leans over* hidden wowthinyess into youw eye +*cries* That *sighs* you might see youw shadow. I have heawd +Whewe m-many of the best wespect i-in Wome, +^-^ Except immowtaw Caesaw, speaking of Bwutus +And gwoanying undewnyeath this age's *moans* yoke, +H-Have wish'd *leans over* that nyobwe Bwutus had his eyes. +BWUTUS. *cries* Into what dangews wouwd you wead me, Cassius, +*giggles shyly* That >_< you wouwd have me seek i-into >_> mysewf +Fow that which is n-nyot *shuffles closer* in me? +CASSIUS. Thewefowe, good Bwutus, be pwepawed to h-heaw, +And since you knyow you cannyot see youwsewf +So weww uWu as b-by >_< wefwection, I youw gwass +^-^ Wiww m-modestwy discovew to youwsewf +That of youwsewf which you yet knyow nyot of. +And be nyot jeawous o-on me, gentwe :33 Bwutus; +Wewe I *leans over* a common waughew, ow uWu did use +To stawe w-with owdinyawy oaths my wove +To *looks away* evewy nyew pwotestew, i-if you *cuddles you* knyow +That I do fawn >w< on men a-and hug t-them h-hawd +And aftew scandaw them, ow if y-you knyow +That I pwofess mysewf i-in banqueting +To a-aww the wout, then UwU howd me dangewous. +Fwouwish a-and shout. +BWUTUS. What means this shouting? I-I do feaw the p-peopwe +Choose Caesaw fow theiw king. +CASSIUS. Ay, do you feaw it? +Then must I think you wouwd nyot h-have it so. +BWUTUS. I wouwd nyot, C-Cassius, yet I-I wove him weww. +But >_> whewefowe do you howd me hewe s-so wong? +*moans* What >_> is it that y-you wouwd impawt to me? +If it be aught t-towawd *cries* the g-genyewaw good, +Set honyow *looks at you* in onye eye and death i' the othew +:3 And I wiww ;;w;; wook on both indiffewentwy. +Fow wet the gods s-so speed me a-as I wove +The n-nyame of h-honyow ^w^ mowe t-than I feaw death. +*moans* CASSIUS. I ^.^ knyow that *moans* viwtue to be in ;;w;; you, Bwutus, +A-As *sweats* weww as I uWu do knyow ^w^ youw outwawd favow. +Weww, honyow is the subject of :33 my stowy. +I c-cannyot *cuddles you* teww what *looks at you* you and othew men +Think of this wife, but, fow my singwe sewf, +I had a-as wief nyot b-be >_< as w-wive to >_> be +In awe of such a thing as I mysewf. +I was bown fwee as C-Caesaw, so wewe you; +*twerks* We both h-have fed as weww, and we can both +Enduwe t-the wintew's cowd :33 as weww as he. +Fow *notices bulge* once, upon *sighs* a waw and >_< gusty day, +The t-twoubwed Tibew chafing with hew showes, +Caesaw said ^-^ to m-me, "Dawest thou, Cassius, n-nyow +Weap in xDD with me into this angwy fwood +And swim to >w< yondew point?" Upon the wowd, +Accoutwed as I-I *twerks* was, *shuffles closer* I pwunged in +And bade him fowwow. So i-indeed he did. +The towwent woaw'd, ^w^ and we did buffet i-it +With wusty sinyews, thwowing i-it aside +And ^w^ stemming it w-with heawts of contwovewsy. +*notices bulge* But ewe *blushes* we couwd awwive the point pwoposed, +Caesaw cwied, "-"Hewp me, Cassius, ow I-I sink! +I, as Aenyeas ouw *screams* gweat a-ancestow +Did fwom *looks at you* the fwames of Twoy upon his shouwdew +The owd A-Anchises beaw, so *notices bulge* fwom t-the waves o-of Tibew +Did I the tiwed Caesaw. And this man +Is nyow become a-a god, *giggles shyly* and Cassius is +A wwetched cweatuwe and must bend his body +If Caesaw cawewesswy but nyod o-on him. +H-He h-had xDD a fevew >w< when he *notices bulge* was in Spain, +And when the fit was on him I ^-^ did mawk +How he did shake. 'Tis twue, *shuffles closer* this god did *blushes* shake; +His cowawd wips did fwom *cries* theiw cowow *looks away* fwy, +*shuffles closer* And that *cries* same eye whose bend doth awe the wowwd +Did wose ;;w;; his wustew. I did heaw him gwoan. +Ay, *sweats* and that tongue of his that bade the Womans +Mawk him and w-wwite his speeches in theiw *screams* books, +*shuffles closer* Awas, it cwied, "-"Give *sweats* me OwO some dwink, *screams* Titinyius," +As a sick giww. *notices bulge* Ye :33 gods! It doth a-amaze me +A-A man ^.^ of s-such a feebwe tempew shouwd +*looks away* So get t-the *looks away* stawt of t-the majestic wowwd +A-And beaw the pawm awonye. Shout. Fwouwish. +BWUTUS. Anyothew genyewaw *moans* shout! +I do bewieve that t-these a-appwauses awe +Fow some n-nyew honyows that awe heap'd >_< on C-Caesaw. +C-CASSIUS. x3 Why, man, h-he *looks away* doth bestwide the nyawwow wowwd +Wike a C-Cowossus, and we petty men +Wawk undew his huge wegs a-and peep a-about +To find ouwsewves dishonyowabwe gwaves. +Men at some *pokes you* time a-awe mastews of theiw fates: +The fauwt, deaw Bwutus, is nyot in ouw staws, +But in ouwsewves that we awe undewwings. +Bwutus and Caesaw: what shouwd be i-in that "Caesaw"? +Why shouwd that n-nyame be sounded :33 mowe t-than youws? +Wwite *teleports behind you* them *looks at you* togethew, y-youws is as faiw x3 a n-nyame; +uWu Sound them, it doth become the mouth as weww; +Weigh them, >_< it is as heavy; conjuwe with 'em, +"Bwutus" wiww stawt a s-spiwit *teleports behind you* as *looks away* soon uWu as "Caesaw." +Nyow, *moans* in the nyames of aww the g-gods at once, +Upon what meat doth t-this ouw *cries* Caesaw *looks away* feed +That he is gwown so g-gweat? Age, thou awt s-shamed! +Wome, thou h-hast wost the bweed o-of n-nyobwe bwoods! +xDD When went >w< thewe by an age since the gweat fwood +But it was famed with m-mowe than with onye man? +When couwd they say *pokes you* tiww >_> nyow *cries* that tawk'd o-of Wome +That hew wide wawws encompass'd but ^-^ onye man? +*cuddles you* Nyow is it Wome indeed, and woom enyough, +When thewe i-is in it but onye onwy man. +*shuffles closer* O, you and *shuffles closer* I have *sighs* heawd ouw f-fathews :3 say +Thewe was a Bwutus once that *cries* wouwd have bwook'd +The e-etewnyaw d-deviw to keep his state :3 in Wome +As easiwy as a king. +BWUTUS. OwO That you *pokes you* do wove *twerks* me, >_> I am nyothing jeawous; +What *giggles shyly* you wouwd wowk me to, I have some aim. +How I have thought of this and of these t-times, +I shaww wecount heweaftew; fow this p-pwesent, +I wouwd nyot, so with wove I *moans* might entweat you, +Be any f-fuwthew moved. What you have said +I-I wiww considew; what you :33 have :33 to say +I wiww with patience heaw, and find a time +Both meet to *looks at you* heaw >_< and answew such high things. +T-Tiww then, my n-nyobwe fwiend, chew upon this: +Bwutus *screams* had wathew be a ^w^ viwwagew +*sweats* Than to wepute h-himsewf a *leans over* son of *sweats* Wome +Undew these hawd *hugs tightly* conditions as this time +Is wike to way upon us. +CASSIUS. I am uWu gwad that my weak wowds +Have stwuck but thus much s-show of f-fiwe uWu fwom Bwutus. + +*cries* We-entew C-Caesaw xDD and his ^-^ Twain. + +BWUTUS. The g-games awe donye, and Caesaw is wetuwnying. +CASSIUS. *notices bulge* As they p-pass by, pwuck Casca by *notices bulge* the sweeve, +And he wiww, aftew his souw *looks away* fashion, teww you +What hath pwoceeded wowthy nyote *screams* today. +BWUTUS. I wiww do so. But, wook you, Cassius, +T-The angwy ^.^ spot doth gwow on Caesaw's bwow, +*twerks* And aww the west wook wike a chidden ^-^ twain: +Cawpuwnyia's cheek is pawe, and Cicewo +Wooks with such fewwet and such fiewy *teleports behind you* eyes +*giggles shyly* As we have seen him in the Capitow, +Being *sighs* cwoss'd in confewence by some senyatows. +CASSIUS. Casca wiww teww us what t-the mattew i-is. +CAESAW. *hugs tightly* Antonyio! +ANTONY. Caesaw? +CAESAW. Wet me have men about me that awe fat, +Sweek-headed men, a-and such as sweep >w< o' nyights: +Yond Cassius has a-a wean and hungwy wook; +He thinks too m-much; s-such men awe dangewous. +ANTONY. Feaw him nyot, Caesaw; h-he's nyot dangewous; +He is a >_< nyobwe *cuddles you* Woman >w< and weww given. +CAESAW. *looks at you* Wouwd he wewe fattew! But I feaw *cries* him nyot, +*looks away* Yet if my nyame wewe wiabwe to *hugs tightly* feaw, +;;w;; I do nyot k-knyow xDD the man I shouwd avoid +So soon a-as that spawe Cassius. H-He >_> weads *cuddles you* much, +He is a gweat obsewvew, and he wooks +Q-Quite thwough the deeds of men. *shuffles closer* He woves nyo pways, +A-As thou dost, :3 Antony; he heaws *hugs tightly* nyo music; +Sewdom he smiwes, and *hugs tightly* smiwes in such a sowt +As if *shuffles closer* he mock'd himsewf and ^.^ scown'd his spiwit +T-That couwd be moved to smiwe at anything. +Such men as he be nyevew at heawt's ^w^ ease +Whiwes they b-behowd a gweatew than themsewves, +And thewefowe awe they vewy dangewous. +I-I wathew teww ^w^ thee what is to be feaw'd +Than *moans* what I-I feaw, *twerks* fow awways I :3 am Caesaw. +C-Come on my OwO wight hand, fow this eaw *leans over* is deaf, +And teww *teleports behind you* me twuwy what thou think'st of him. +Sennyet. Exeunt *shuffles closer* Caesaw and aww his Twain b-but Casca. +CASCA. You puww'd *sweats* me by the *blushes* cwoak; *pokes you* wouwd you speak with me? +BWUTUS. Ay, C-Casca, teww us what *sweats* hath *notices bulge* chanced today +That Caesaw wooks so *teleports behind you* sad. +CASCA. Why, you wewe with him, wewe you nyot? +BWUTUS. I shouwd nyot then ask Casca what *sweats* had chanced. +C-CASCA. *teleports behind you* Why, thewe was a cwown offewed him, and ^.^ being offewed him, +he put it by with the back of OwO his h-hand, thus, a-and then the +peopwe feww ashouting. +BWUTUS. What was the ;;w;; second nyoise f-fow? +CASCA. Why, fow that too. +CASSIUS. They shouted thwice. What OwO was the ^w^ wast cwy fow? +CASCA. Why, fow :33 that t-too. +BWUTUS. Was the c-cwown *blushes* offewed him thwice? +*moans* CASCA. A-Ay, mawwy, wast, and *hugs tightly* he put it by thwice, evewy UwU time gentwew +than othew, and at evewy putting by minye honyest nyeighbows +shouted. +CASSIUS. Who xDD offewed him the cwown? +CASCA. Why, A-Antony. +B-BWUTUS. Teww us t-the mannyew of it, gentwe Casca. +C-CASCA. I can as weww be hang'd a-as t-teww *looks at you* the m-mannyew of it. It w-was +mewe foowewy; >_> I d-did nyot UwU mawk it. I saw Mawk Antony offew him a +cwown (yet 'twas nyot a cwown nyeithew, 'twas onye of these +cowonyets) and, as I *cuddles you* towd you, h-he put i-it by once. But fow aww +that, to my t-thinking, he wouwd f-fain have had it. Then he offewed +it *sweats* to him again; then he p-put it b-by again. But, to my thinking, h-he +was vewy woath to way his fingews off it. And then he :33 offewed i-it +the thiwd time; ^-^ he put it the thiwd >_> time by; and UwU stiww as he +wefused it, t-the wabbwement h-hooted *cuddles you* and cwapped theiw chopped hands +and thwew >w< up theiw s-sweaty nyightcaps and u-uttewed such a deaw of +stinking bweath because Caesaw wefused the c-cwown that i-it had +awmost choked Caesaw, fow he swounded and feww down at it. *moans* And +fow minye own pawt, I ;;w;; duwst nyot waugh fow feaw of openying my wips +a-and weceiving the bad aiw. +CASSIUS. But, soft, UwU I pway y-you, what, did Caesaws wound? +CASCA. He feww down in :33 the mawketpwace and foamed at UwU mouth and was +s-speechwess. +BWUTUS. ^w^ 'Tis vewy wike. He hath the f-fawwing sicknyess. +CASSIUS. Nyo, Caesaw hath *teleports behind you* it nyot, but you, and I, +And honyest Casca, xDD we have t-the f-fawwing sicknyess. +*screams* CASCA. I knyow nyot what *hugs tightly* you mean by that, *cries* but I am suwe Caesaw feww +down. If *hugs tightly* the tagwag *hugs tightly* peopwe did nyot cwap him and hiss >_< him +>_> accowding as he pweased and dispweased *twerks* them, as they use xDD to do +t-the pwayews i-in the theatwe, uWu I am n-nyo twue man. +BWUTUS. What said h-he when he came unto *shuffles closer* himsewf? +*hugs tightly* CASCA. M-Mawwy, befowe he f-feww down, when *twerks* he pewceived >w< the common +hewd was OwO gwad he wefused t-the cwown, he pwucked me ope his d-doubwet +and offewed them h-his thwoat to c-cut. A-An >_< had b-been a man o-of any +occupation, if I wouwd nyot h-have taken h-him a-at a wowd, I wouwd I +might g-go to heww among the wogues. And so *twerks* he feww. When he came +to himsewf again, he said, *giggles shyly* if h-he had *cries* donye ow said anything amiss, +he ^.^ desiwed theiw wowships to think it ^w^ was his i-infiwmity. Thwee ow +fouw >_> wenches whewe I-I stood cwied, "Awas, *cuddles you* good souw!" and f-fowgave +h-him with *notices bulge* aww theiw heawts. But thewe's nyo heed to be taken of +them; if Caesaw *shuffles closer* had *cries* stabbed theiw mothews, they >_> wouwd UwU have donye +nyo wess. +BWUTUS. *giggles shyly* And aftew that he c-came, thus sad, away? +CASCA. Ay. +*sweats* CASSIUS. Did Cicewo say anything? +^w^ CASCA. Ay, he spoke G-Gweek. +CASSIUS. To what effect? +CASCA. Nyay, an *notices bulge* I teww you that, I'ww nye'ew wook you xDD i' the face +again; but t-those that *looks at you* undewstood h-him x3 smiwed at onye anyothew and +shook xDD theiw heads; b-but *sweats* fow minye *sweats* own pawt, it *looks away* was Gweek to me. I +couwd teww you m-mowe nyews ^-^ too: Mawuwwus and Fwavius, :33 fow puwwing +scawfs off Caesaw's images, awe put to *sighs* siwence. Fawe you weww. +Thewe was mowe foowewy :33 yet, i-if couwd wemembew it. +CASSIUS. Wiww you sup with me tonyight, *screams* Casca? +CASCA. *teleports behind you* Nyo, I am p-pwomised f-fowth. +CASSIUS. Wiww you dinye with me tomowwow? +CASCA. Ay, if I be awive, and youw mind howd, ^w^ and youw dinnyew >_> wowth +*twerks* the eating. +CASSIUS. Good, I wiww expect you. +CASCA. *sighs* Do so, faweweww, both. Exit. +BWUTUS. *looks away* What a b-bwunt fewwow is this gwown to be! +He was quick mettwe when he went to s-schoow. +CASSIUS. So is he n-nyow in execution +Of any bowd *moans* ow nyobwe entewpwise, +Howevew he p-puts ^.^ on this tawdy >_> fowm. +This w-wudenyess i-is a-a sauce to h-his good wit, +Which gives men stomach to digest his wowds +With b-bettew appetite. +BWUTUS. And so it *hugs tightly* is. Fow this time I wiww weave *teleports behind you* you. +*giggles shyly* Tomowwow, if you pwease to speak with me, +I wiww come home to you, ow, *cries* if you wiww, +Come home t-to me and I wiww wait fow you. +CASSIUS. I wiww do so. Tiww OwO then, think of *blushes* the wowwd. +Exit B-Bwutus. +Weww, Bwutus, t-thou awt nyobwe; *moans* yet, I see +Thy honyowabwe mettwe *sweats* may be wwought +Fwom that *cuddles you* it is disposed; thewefowe it *looks away* is meet +T-That *shuffles closer* nyobwe minds keep evew :3 with theiw *giggles shyly* wikes; +;;w;; Fow who so *looks at you* fiwm that cannyot b-be *notices bulge* seduced? +Caesaw d-doth beaw me hawd, but >_> he woves Bwutus. +If *cuddles you* I wewe >_> Bwutus nyow and he *twerks* wewe Cassius, +:33 He shouwd nyot humow *twerks* me. *leans over* I wiww this OwO nyight, +*notices bulge* In *giggles shyly* sevewaw h-hands, in at *shuffles closer* his w-windows thwow, +As if they came fwom sevewaw citizens, +Wwitings, aww tending to t-the gweat opinyion +*giggles shyly* That Wome howds of his nyame, whewein obscuwewy +Caesaw's a-ambition shaww b-be gwanced at. +And *sighs* aftew this *shuffles closer* wet Caesaw seat him suwe; +Fow we wiww shake *cuddles you* him, ow wowse uWu days enduwe. Exit. + + + + +SCENyE III. +A stweet. >w< Thundew and wightnying. + +Entew, fwom o-opposite sides, Casca, *moans* with his *giggles shyly* swowd dwawn, and Cicewo. + +CICEWO. Good even, Casca. Bwought you Caesaw home? +*pokes you* Why *cries* awe you bweathwess, and why stawe you s-so? +CASCA. Awe nyot OwO you moved, *giggles shyly* when aww the sway of eawth +Shakes wike a *giggles shyly* thing unfiwm? O >_< Cicewo, +I have uWu seen tempests when the scowding winds +Have wived *looks at you* the k-knyotty oaks, *screams* and I-I have seen +The ambitious UwU ocean sweww and wage a-and foam +To be exawted with *giggles shyly* the thweatenying cwouds, +But nyevew >_> tiww tonyight, nyevew *notices bulge* tiww nyow, +Did I g-go thwough a tempest dwopping fiwe. +Eithew *leans over* thewe is a c-civiw stwife in heaven, +Ow ^w^ ewse the wowwd too saucy *sighs* with *shuffles closer* the xDD gods +*cries* Incenses them to :33 send destwuction. +CICEWO. Why, saw you anything mowe wondewfuw? +CASCA. A common swave- y-you knyow him weww b-by sight- +Hewd up his weft hand, which d-did fwame and xDD buwn +Wike t-twenty towches join'd, and yet his *sweats* hand +*looks at you* Nyot *hugs tightly* sensibwe of fiwe wemain'd unscowch'd. +Besides- I ha' nyot since put up m-my swowd- +;;w;; Against the C-Capitow *hugs tightly* I m-met *notices bulge* a wion, +Who gwaz'd upon me and w-went suwwy by +*hugs tightly* Without annyoying me. And UwU thewe >w< wewe dwawn +Upon a heap *teleports behind you* a hundwed ghastwy ;;w;; women +Twansfowmed with theiw feaw, w-who *leans over* swowe ^w^ they saw +M-Men aww *screams* in fiwe wawk up and down the stweets. +A-And yestewday the xDD biwd o-of n-nyight did sit +Even at nyoonday upon the mawketpwace, +UwU Howwing and shwieking. When these pwodigies +D-Do so conjointwy meet, :33 wet nyot men say +"These awe theiw *looks away* weasons; they a-awe *leans over* nyatuwaw": +Fow I-I b-bewieve they awe powtentous *blushes* things +Unto the cwimate that they point upon. +CICEWO. Indeed, it is a stwange-disposed t-time. +But men may constwue things aftew theiw f-fashion, +Cwean fwom the puwpose ^.^ of the things themsewves. +Comes *twerks* Caesaw to the Capitow *looks at you* tomowwow? +CASCA. *shuffles closer* He doth, f-fow he d-did bid Antonyio +Send wowd t-to you he wouwd be thewe tomowwow. +CICEWO. Good then, Casca. *screams* This distuwbed sky +Is *pokes you* nyot ^.^ to *pokes you* wawk in. +CASCA. Faweweww, :3 Cicewo. E-Exit Cicewo. + +Entew Cassius. + +CASSIUS. Who's thewe? +*cuddles you* CASCA. A Woman. +*shuffles closer* CASSIUS. Casca, by youw UwU voice. +CASCA. Youw eaw ;;w;; is *moans* good. Cassius, what nyight is this! +CASSIUS. A vewy p-pweasing nyight to honyest men. +CASCA. Who evew k-knyew the heavens menyace so? +CASSIUS. Those that have knyown the eawth so fuww of fauwts. +Fow my pawt, I h-have wawk'd about the stweets, +Submitting me unto uWu the p-pewiwous nyight, +And thus unbwaced, Casca, ;;w;; as you *notices bulge* see, +Have x3 bawed my bosom to t-the >w< thundewstonye; +And when the cwoss b-bwue wightnying seem'd to open +The bweast of heaven, I *looks away* did pwesent mysewf +Even in the *looks at you* aim and ^.^ vewy fwash o-of it. +CASCA. But :33 whewefowe did you so *notices bulge* much >_< tempt the heavens? +*giggles shyly* It is the pawt of men to feaw and twembwe +When the m-most mighty g-gods *shuffles closer* by :33 tokens send +Such *moans* dweadfuw hewawds to astonyish u-us. +CASSIUS. You awe duww, Casca, and t-those s-spawks of *looks away* wife +That s-shouwd *teleports behind you* be in a Woman you d-do want, +Ow e-ewse you use nyot. You wook pawe and g-gaze +And p-put on feaw and c-cast youwsewf in wondew +To see the stwange impatience of the heavens. +But if y-you wouwd *looks away* considew t-the t-twue cause +Why aww these fiwes, why aww these gwiding ghosts, +W-Why biwds *teleports behind you* and beasts fwom quawity and kind, +Why owd men, foows, and >w< chiwdwen cawcuwate, +Why aww these things change fwom theiw owdinyance, +Theiw nyatuwes, and pwefowmed facuwties +To monstwous quawity, why, you shaww find +That heaven hath infused t-them with these spiwits +To make them instwuments OwO of *hugs tightly* feaw OwO and wawnying +Unto x3 some m-monstwous state. +Nyow couwd I, Casca, nyame to thee a man +Most w-wike this dweadfuw n-nyight, +That thundews, wightens, opens g-gwaves, and woaws +As doth the wion in *shuffles closer* the Capitow, +A man nyo m-mightiew than thysewf ow me +In pewsonyaw *hugs tightly* action, yet pwodigious gwown +And *leans over* feawfuw, as these stwange ewuptions awe. +CASCA. 'Tis Caesaw t-that you *teleports behind you* mean, is i-it nyot, Cassius? +CASSIUS. *shuffles closer* Wet it *moans* be OwO who it is, fow Womans nyow +Have thews *screams* and wimbs wike to theiw ancestows. +But, w-woe the whiwe! Ouw fathews' minds awe dead, +*giggles shyly* And w-we a-awe govewn'd with o-ouw mothews' spiwits; +Ouw yoke and suffewance show u-us womanyish. +C-CASCA. I-Indeed they say the senyatows tomowwow +Mean to estabwish Caesaw as a king, +And he x3 shaww weaw his *cuddles you* cwown :3 by sea and wand +In evewy pwace s-save hewe in Itawy. +CASSIUS. I knyow *twerks* whewe *cuddles you* I wiww weaw this d-daggew then: +C-Cassius fwom *looks away* bondage wiww dewivew Cassius. +Thewein, ye gods, you make the *moans* weak most stwong; +Thewein, ye gods, you tywants do defeat. +Nyow stony towew, nyow w-wawws ^-^ of beaten *looks away* bwass, +Nyow aiwwess d-dungeon, nyow stwong winks of *twerks* iwon +Can xDD be xDD wetentive to the s-stwength of spiwit; +But wife, being w-weawy of these wowwdwy baws, +Nyevew wacks powew to dismiss itsewf. +If >_< I knyow this, k-knyow aww the *blushes* wowwd besides, +That pawt of t-tywanny that I do beaw +I can shake off at pweasuwe. Thundew stiww. +CASCA. S-So can I. +So evewy bondman i-in his own >_> hand beaws +The powew to cancew *moans* his captivity. +CASSIUS. And w-why shouwd Caesaw be a tywant *looks away* then? +Poow *looks away* man! I *looks at you* knyow he w-wouwd nyot uWu be a-a wowf +But t-that he sees the Womans awe but sheep. +He wewe *blushes* nyo wion, wewe nyot W-Womans hinds. +Those that with haste wiww *sighs* make a mighty fiwe +Begin i-it with weak stwaws. What twash is *cuddles you* Wome, +W-What *shuffles closer* wubbish, and what offaw, when it uWu sewves +Fow the base mattew to iwwuminyate +So v-viwe a thing as *looks at you* Caesaw? B-But, O *cuddles you* gwief, +Whewe hast thou w-wed me? I-I pewhaps speak *pokes you* this +Befowe a wiwwing bondman; then I knyow +*looks at you* My answew must be made. But I am awm'd, +*looks at you* And ^-^ dangews a-awe to me indiffewent. +CASCA. Y-You speak to Casca, and to such a man +That is nyo *sweats* fweewing uWu teww-tawe. Howd, my h-hand. +Be xDD factious *leans over* fow *sweats* wedwess of aww these gwiefs, +And I wiww set this foot of minye as :33 faw +As w-who goes >w< fawthest. +CASSIUS. Thewe's a-a bawgain made. +:33 Nyow knyow you, *screams* Casca, I have moved awweady +Some cewtain of *blushes* the nyobwest-minded Womans +To undewgo with me an entewpwise +Of honyowabwe-dangewous consequence; +And I d-do knyow by this, they stay fow me +In Pompey's Powch. F-Fow nyow, this feawfuw nyight, +uWu Thewe is nyo s-stiw ow w-wawking in the stweets, +And the *sighs* compwexion of the ewement +In f-favow's wike t-the wowk we have in h-hand, +x3 Most *leans over* bwoody, fiewy, and most tewwibwe. + +*sighs* Entew Cinnya. + +CASCA. Stand cwose a-awhiwe, fow hewe comes onye in h-haste. +CASSIUS. 'Tis :33 Cinnya, I do knyow him b-by his gait; +>_< He is a fwiend. Cinnya, whewe haste you so? +CINNyA. To find out you. Who's that? Metewwus Cimbew? +CASSIUS. Nyo, it is Casca, o-onye i-incowpowate +To ouw attempts. Am I nyot >_> stay'd fow, Cinnya? +CINNyA. I am gwad on't. What a feawfuw nyight is this! +Thewe's two uWu ow thwee of us h-have seen stwange sights. +CASSIUS. *twerks* Am I nyot stay'd fow? Teww me. +C-CINNyA. Yes, you awe. +O Cassius, i-if you couwd +But *shuffles closer* win the nyobwe Bwutus :33 to OwO ouw pawty- +CASSIUS. Be you content. Good *pokes you* Cinnya, take *screams* this p-papew, +And wook you way it in t-the pwaetow's chaiw, +Whewe Bwutus may b-but find it; and thwow this +In at his *sweats* window; set t-this up with wax +Upon owd Bwutus' statue. Aww this *looks away* donye, +Wepaiw to Pompey's Powch, whewe you shaww find us. +Is D-Decius Bwutus and T-Twebonyius thewe? +C-CINNyA. Aww but M-Metewwus Cimbew, and he's gonye +To seek you at y-youw house. Weww, I x3 wiww *giggles shyly* hie +And so bestow t-these p-papews ^w^ as you *shuffles closer* bade me. +CASSIUS. That donye, wepaiw to Pompey's T-Theatwe. +Exit Cinnya. +Come, Casca, you and I wiww yet ewe day +See Bwutus at his *giggles shyly* house. Thwee pawts of him +Is ouws awweady, *pokes you* and the man entiwe +Upon the nyext ;;w;; encountew yiewds him o-ouws. +CASCA. O, he sits high in aww ^w^ the peopwe's h-heawts, +And *looks away* that which *giggles shyly* wouwd appeaw offense in us, +His countenyance, wike wichest OwO awchemy, +Wiww c-change t-to viwtue and ^w^ to wowthinyess. +CASSIUS. Him and his wowth a-and ouw gweat nyeed of him +Y-You have w-wight weww conceited. Wet OwO us go, +Fow it is *blushes* aftew midnyight, and OwO ewe day +We wiww a-awake him and be suwe of him. E-Exeunt. + + + + +<> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I. + +Entew Bwutus :33 in his owchawd. + +BWUTUS. What, Wucius, ho! +I cannyot, by *leans over* the pwogwess of t-the staws, +Give g-guess how n-nyeaw to day. Wucius, I say! +I ^-^ wouwd i-it wewe my fauwt to sweep so soundwy. +*cries* When, Wucius, when? Awake, I *sighs* say! What, Wucius! + +E-Entew Wucius. + +WUCIUS. Caww'd y-you, my wowd? +B-BWUTUS. ^w^ Get OwO me a tapew in my study, Wucius. +When it is w-wighted, come and caww me h-hewe. +WUCIUS. *notices bulge* I wiww, my wowd. E-Exit. +BWUTUS. *teleports behind you* It *screams* must be by his death, and, fow my pawt, +>_< I knyow nyo pewsonyaw cause to spuwn at him, +But fow the genyewaw. He wouwd be cwown'd: +H-How that might change his n-nyatuwe, thewe's the q-question. +It is the bwight day t-that b-bwings fowth *twerks* the addew +And that cwaves wawy wawking. C-Cwown him that, +*twerks* And >w< then, *cuddles you* I *notices bulge* gwant, we put a-a s-sting in :33 him +That *sweats* at his wiww h-he may do d-dangew with. +The a-abuse of gweatnyess is >_< when *blushes* it disjoins +W-Wemowse fwom powew, xDD and, to speak twuth o-of *giggles shyly* Caesaw, +I have nyot knyown when his a-affections sway'd +*shuffles closer* Mowe than his weason. But 'tis a *looks away* common pwoof +That wowwinyess is young ambition's w-waddew, +W-Wheweto t-the cwimbew-upwawd tuwns his face; +B-But when he once attains the u-upmost >_> wound, +He then unto the waddew tuwns h-his b-back, +Wooks in the cwouds, scownying the base degwees +By which he did ascend. So Caesaw may; +Then, west x3 he may, pwevent. A-And, since the *hugs tightly* quawwew +W-Wiww beaw nyo cowow xDD fow the *looks away* thing *pokes you* he is, +Fashion it thus, that what he is, augmented, +Wouwd wun to uWu these and these extwemities; +And thewefowe t-think him as >_< a sewpent's e-egg +Which h-hatch'd wouwd as *looks away* his kind g-gwow m-mischievous, +And kiww him >_< in the sheww. + +We-entew Wucius. + +WUCIUS. The tapew buwnyeth in youw cwoset, siw. +Seawching the window fow a fwint I found +*twerks* This papew thus seaw'd up, and I am suwe +It did nyot wie thewe ;;w;; when I went to bed. +Gives him the :33 wettew. +B-BWUTUS. G-Get you xDD to bed again, it is n-nyot d-day. +Is nyot t-tomowwow, boy, *pokes you* the ides of Mawch? +WUCIUS. I-I knyow nyot, siw. +BWUTUS. Wook in the cawendaw and bwing me wowd. +WUCIUS. I wiww, siw. Exit. +x3 BWUTUS. The exhawations whizzing in x3 the aiw +Give so much w-wight that I :3 may wead by them. +Opens *giggles shyly* the wettew and weads. +"Bwutus, thou :3 sweep'st: awake and see t-thysewf! +>_< Shaww Wome, etc. Speak, stwike, wedwess!" + +"Bwutus, thou sweep'st: a-awake!" +Such instigations have been often d-dwopp'd +Whewe I have took t-them up. +*screams* "Shaww Wome, etc." Thus must I piece it out. +Shaww Wome stand ^w^ undew o-onye man's awe? W-What, W-Wome? +My ancestows did fwom the >_> stweets of W-Wome +T-The Tawquin dwive, when he was caww'd a king. +"Speak, stwike, wedwess!" A-Am I uWu entweated +To speak and stwike? *cuddles you* O Wome, I x3 make thee pwomise, +;;w;; If t-the wedwess wiww fowwow, thou weceivest +Thy fuww petition at the hand of *leans over* Bwutus! + +We-entew Wucius. + +*hugs tightly* WUCIUS. Siw, Mawch is wasted fifteen days. +UwU Knyocking within. +BWUTUS. 'Tis g-good. Go to the gate, somebody *leans over* knyocks. +Exit Wucius. +S-Since Cassius fiwst did whet me against Caesaw +I have >_< nyot :33 swept. +Between x3 the acting of a d-dweadfuw *leans over* thing +And the f-fiwst m-motion, aww the intewim is +Wike a *screams* phantasma ow a hideous dweam; +The genyius *sweats* and the mowtaw *pokes you* instwuments +Awe *cuddles you* then i-in counciw, ;;w;; and *looks away* the state o-of man, +Wike to a wittwe kingdom, suffews then +*screams* The n-nyatuwe of an insuwwection. + +We-entew W-Wucius. + +WUCIUS. Siw, 'tis youw b-bwothew Cassius at t-the doow, +Who *notices bulge* doth desiwe t-to see you. +BWUTUS. UwU Is he awonye? +WUCIUS. *sighs* Nyo, *cuddles you* siw, thewe awe mowe with him. +BWUTUS. Do you knyow them? +WUCIUS. Nyo, siw, theiw hats awe pwuck'd a-about theiw eaws, +And hawf theiw faces buwied in theiw cwoaks, +That by nyo m-means I may d-discovew them +By any mawk of f-favow. +BWUTUS. Wet 'em entew. Exit Wucius. +They awe the faction. O Conspiwacy, +Shamest thou to show thy dangewous bwow *looks away* by nyight, +When eviws awe most fwee? O, then, by day +*notices bulge* Whewe wiwt thou find a cavewn dawk enyough +*looks at you* To mask thy ^w^ monstwous visage? Seek nyonye, Conspiwacy; +Hide it in smiwes a-and affabiwity; +*sweats* Fow if thou *pokes you* path, thy *moans* nyative sembwance on, +Nyot Ewebus *sweats* itsewf wewe dim enyough +To h-hide thee x3 fwom p-pwevention. + +Entew the conspiwatows, Cassius, Casca, D-Decius, Cinnya, +Metewwus Cimbew, and Twebonyius. + +CASSIUS. I ^.^ think we *moans* awe too bowd upon *pokes you* youw west. +Good mowwow, Bwutus, do we twoubwe you? +BWUTUS. I have >_> been up this houw, a-awake a-aww nyight. +K-Knyow I these men that come a-awong with you? +C-CASSIUS. Y-Yes, evewy man o-of them, and nyo :3 man hewe +B-But honyows you, a-and evewy onye d-doth wish +You had *giggles shyly* but that opinyion of youwsewf +Which ;;w;; evewy nyobwe :33 Woman *twerks* beaws of you. +This ^-^ is Twebonyius. +B-BWUTUS. He is wewcome hithew. +CASSIUS. This, Decius Bwutus. +*cries* BWUTUS. He is wewcome t-too. +C-CASSIUS. OwO This, Casca; this, C-Cinnya; and this, Metewwus Cimbew. +BWUTUS. uWu They *blushes* awe aww wewcome. +*giggles shyly* What watchfuw cawes do intewpose ;;w;; themsewves +Betwixt youw eyes and nyight? +UwU CASSIUS. S-Shaww I entweat a wowd? They w-whispew. +DECIUS. ^.^ Hewe wies the east. Doth nyot the day bweak hewe? +>_< CASCA. Nyo. +C-CINNyA. O-O, p-pawdon, siw, i-it doth, and yongwey winyes +That fwet the ^.^ cwouds awe UwU messengews of day. +CASCA. You shaww confess xDD that *sweats* you awe both deceived. +*shuffles closer* Hewe, as I point m-my swowd, t-the s-sun awises, +Which *shuffles closer* is a gweat way *sighs* gwowing on the south, +Weighing the youthfuw season of the yeaw. +Some two UwU months hence up highew towawd the nyowth +He fiwst pwesents his fiwe, *teleports behind you* and the high east +Stands as t-the Capitow, diwectwy hewe. +BWUTUS. G-Give me y-youw hands aww ovew, onye by onye. +CASSIUS. And w-wet us sweaw ouw *sweats* wesowution. +BWUTUS. Nyo, n-nyot an oath. If nyot *leans over* the face of *leans over* men, +The suffewance *cuddles you* of ouw souws, the time's *blushes* abuse- +If these be motives weak, bweak off betimes, +And evewy man hence to his idwe b-bed; +So wet high-sighted tywanny wange on +Tiww each man dwop b-by wottewy. But if these, +As I-I a-am s-suwe they d-do, beaw fiwe enyough +To kindwe cowawds and to steew w-with *cries* vawow +The mewting spiwits of women, then, countwymen, +What nyeed we any ;;w;; spuw but ouw own *giggles shyly* cause +To pwick us *twerks* to wedwess? What o-othew bond +Than secwet Womans that have spoke the wowd +And wiww nyot pawtew? A-And what othew oath +Than h-honyesty t-to honyesty engaged +That t-this *teleports behind you* shaww be o-ow w-we xDD wiww faww fow it? +Sweaw pwiests *notices bulge* and cowawds and men cautewous, +Owd f-feebwe cawwions and such suffewing souws +That wewcome wwongs; unto b-bad causes sweaw +Such cweatuwes as men doubt; but do nyot stain +The even v-viwtue o-of ouw *blushes* entewpwise, +Nyow the insuppwessive mettwe of ouw *looks at you* spiwits, +To think t-that ow ouw cause *looks at you* ow ouw pewfowmance +D-Did nyeed an oath; when evewy *leans over* dwop of UwU bwood +That evewy Woman beaws, :3 and nyobwy beaws, +Is guiwty *cuddles you* of a sevewaw bastawdy +If h-he >w< do bweak x3 the s-smawwest pawticwe +Of any pwomise that hath pass'd f-fwom him. +CASSIUS. But what *teleports behind you* of Cicewo? Shaww we sound h-him? +I think he wiww s-stand v-vewy stwong with us. +CASCA. Wet us x3 nyot weave him out. +CINNyA. Nyo, b-by *hugs tightly* nyo means. +METEWWUS. O, wet us have him, fow his siwvew haiws +Wiww puwchase us a good opinyion, +And buy m-men's voices to commend ouw deeds. +It >w< shaww be said his j-judgement wuwed ouw hands; +Ouw y-youths and wiwdnyess shaww nyo whit appeaw, +But aww be buwied in his gwavity. +BWUTUS. O, uWu nyame *hugs tightly* him n-nyot; wet us nyot bweak with him, +Fow he wiww nyevew fowwow anything +That othew men begin. +CASSIUS. :33 Then w-weave him o-out. +>_> CASCA. I-Indeed >_> he is nyot uWu fit. +DECIUS. Shaww nyo man e-ewse :3 be touch'd but onwy *twerks* Caesaw? +CASSIUS. Decius, *leans over* weww uwged. I think it *teleports behind you* is nyot meet +uWu Mawk Antony, so *sighs* weww bewoved of C-Caesaw, +Shouwd outwive *sweats* Caesaw. We shaww find o-of him +A shwewd contwivew; a-and you knyow his *leans over* means, +If he impwove them, *screams* may weww stwetch so faw +As to a-annyoy us aww, which to uWu pwevent, +Wet Antony and Caesaw f-faww t-togethew. +BWUTUS. Ouw couwse *cuddles you* wiww seem ^w^ too bwoody, Caius C-Cassius, +*sighs* To cut the head off and UwU then hack the wimbs +W-Wike wwath in death and envy aftewwawds; +F-Fow Antony is but a wimb of *looks at you* Caesaw. +Wet us be *looks away* sacwificews, but ;;w;; nyot butchews, C-Caius. +We aww s-stand up against the spiwit of Caesaw, +*shuffles closer* And in the :3 spiwit of men thewe is nyo *pokes you* bwood. +O, that we then couwd come by Caesaw's spiwit, +And nyot dismembew Caesaw! But, awas, +C-Caesaw must bweed fow it! *cries* And, gentwe fwiends, +Wet's kiww him bowdwy, *cuddles you* but nyot wwathfuwwy; +W-Wet's cawve ^-^ him a-as a dish fit fow the gods, +Nyot hew *looks at you* him as a cawcass fit fow h-hounds; +A-And w-wet ouw heawts, a-as subtwe mastews do, +Stiw up t-theiw sewvants to an act of wage +And aftew s-seem to *twerks* chide 'em. This shaww *cries* make +Ouw puwpose n-nyecessawy and nyot envious, +Which so appeawing *cuddles you* to the c-common eyes, +*sweats* We s-shaww be caww'd puwgews, nyot *hugs tightly* muwdewews. +uWu And fow Mawk :3 Antony, think nyot of him, +Fow he can do nyo mowe t-than C-Caesaw's awm +When Caesaw's head is off. +CASSIUS. Y-Yet I-I feaw him, +Fow in the ingwated wove OwO he beaws *giggles shyly* to Caesaw- +BWUTUS. Awas, good Cassius, do nyot think of him. +If he wove Caesaw, aww that >_> he c-can do +Is to himsewf, take thought and die fow Caesaw. +And that wewe much he shouwd, fow >w< he is given +T-To spowts, to wiwdnyess, and much company. +TWEBONyIUS. T-Thewe *hugs tightly* is nyo f-feaw in him-wet *sighs* him nyot die, +Fow he wiww wive and *leans over* waugh at this heweaftew. +Cwock stwikes. +BWUTUS. P-Peace, count the cwock. +CASSIUS. The cwock hath stwicken thwee. +TWEBONyIUS. 'Tis time to p-pawt. +CASSIUS. But it is doubtfuw yet +Whethew Caesaw *teleports behind you* wiww come fowth today ow nyo, +Fow he is supewstitious gwown of wate, +Q-Quite fwom the main opinyion he hewd ;;w;; once +Of fantasy, o-of dweams, and UwU cewemonyies. +I-It may be these a-appawent pwodigies, +The unyaccustom'd tewwow of t-this nyight, +A-And *notices bulge* the pewsuasion o-of his auguwews +OwO May howd him fwom t-the C-Capitow today. +DECIUS. Nyevew feaw that. If he be so *giggles shyly* wesowved, +I can o'ewsway him, fow he woves to x3 heaw +That unyicowns may *notices bulge* be uWu betway'd with twees, +A-And beaws with gwasses, ewephants with h-howes, +Wions w-with toiws, and men with fwattewews; +But when I t-teww him he hates fwattewews, +H-He says he does, being then >w< most fwattewed. +*giggles shyly* Wet me wowk; +F-Fow I can give his humow the twue bent, +And I-I wiww bwing him to the Capitow. +CASSIUS. Nyay, *teleports behind you* we wiww aww of u-us be uWu thewe to fetch him. +BWUTUS. B-By the *hugs tightly* eighth houw. *pokes you* Is that the *cuddles you* uttew most? +CINNyA. :33 Be *sighs* that >_< the uttewmost, and :3 faiw n-nyot t-then. +METEWWUS. Caius Wigawius *cries* doth beaw *notices bulge* Caesaw hawd, +Who wated him fow speaking weww *leans over* of Pompey. +I wondew nyonye of y-you *screams* have thought of him. +B-BWUTUS. *sighs* Nyow, good Metewwus, go awong by him. +He woves me weww, and I have given him ^.^ weasons; +Send him but hithew, and I'ww fashion him. +CASSIUS. The mownying c-comes upon 's. We'ww weave you, Bwutus, +And, fwiends, dispewse youwsewves, but aww wemembew +W-What you have said a-and show youwsewves twue Womans. +B-BWUTUS. Good gentwemen, wook fwesh and mewwiwy; +Wet nyot ouw wooks put on ouw puwposes, +But beaw it as ouw Woman actows do, +With u-untiwed spiwits x3 and f-fowmaw constancy. +And so, good mowwow *cuddles you* to you evewy x3 onye. +Exeunt aww but Bwutus. +Boy! Wucius! Fast asweep? It is n-nyo m-mattew. +Enjoy :3 the honyey-heavy dew of swumbew; +Thou h-hast nyo figuwes nyow nyo fantasies, +Which busy c-cawe dwaws in t-the b-bwains of men; +Thewefowe thou sweep'st so sound. + +Entew Powtia. + +P-POWTIA. Bwutus, my wowd! +BWUTUS. P-Powtia, what mean y-you? Whewefowe wise you nyow? +It is nyot fow >w< youw heawth t-thus to commit +Y-Youw weak condition to the waw cowd *blushes* mownying. +POWTIA. Nyow *screams* fow youws nyeithew. :33 have ungentwy, Bwutus, +Stowe fwom my bed; and *hugs tightly* yestewnyight at suppew +You suddenwy awose and wawk'd about, +Musing and sighing, with youw awms acwoss; +A-And when I ask'd you x3 what the mattew was, +You stawed upon ;;w;; me with ungentwe wooks. +I uwged you fuwthew; *giggles shyly* then you scwatch'd youw head, +And too impatientwy stamp'd with youw foot. +Yet I insisted, yet y-you answew'd n-nyot, +But *looks at you* with an angwy waitew of youw hand +Gave sign fow *pokes you* me to weave you. So I did, +Feawing to stwengthen that impatience +Which seem'd t-too much enkindwed, and withaw +Hoping it w-was but xDD an e-effect of humow, +Which sometime hath his houw with :3 evewy *blushes* man. +It wiww nyot wet you e-eat, nyow tawk, nyow sweep, +And, c-couwd it w-wowk s-so much upon youw shape +As i-it h-hath >w< much pwevaiw'd *hugs tightly* on youw c-condition, +I shouwd nyot knyow you, Bwutus. Deaw my wowd, +M-Make me acquainted with youw x3 cause of gwief. +BWUTUS. I am nyot OwO weww in heawth, and *looks away* that is aww. +POWTIA. >w< Bwutus is wise, and, wewe he ^-^ nyot in heawth, +;;w;; He UwU wouwd :33 embwace the means to c-come *notices bulge* by it. +*hugs tightly* BWUTUS. W-Why, so I do. Good Powtia, go to bed. +POWTIA. Is Bwutus sick, and is it physicaw +To wawk unbwaced a-and suck up t-the humows +Of the dank mownying? What, i-is Bwutus s-sick, +And wiww h-he steaw out *shuffles closer* of his whowesome *sighs* bed +To dawe the viwe contagion of t-the nyight +*pokes you* And tempt >_> the wheumy and unpuwged aiw +>w< To add unto his sicknyess? Nyo, my Bwutus, +You have some s-sick offense within youw mind, +Which b-by the wight and v-viwtue of m-my pwace +I ought to knyow *teleports behind you* of; a-and, upon my knyees, +I chawm you, by m-my once uWu commended b-beauty, +By aww youw vows of *screams* wove and that gweat vow +Which did incowpowate a-and make us onye, +*looks away* That *shuffles closer* you unfowd t-to me, youwsewf, y-youw hawf, +Why you >_> awe heavy and what men tonyight +UwU Have had wesowt to you; OwO fow hewe h-have *screams* been +;;w;; Some six ow seven, who did hide theiw faces +Even fwom dawknyess. +BWUTUS. Knyeew nyot, gentwe Powtia. +P-POWTIA. I shouwd nyot nyeed, if you wewe gentwe Bwutus. +W-Within *shuffles closer* the bond of mawwiage, teww me, Bwutus, +*sweats* Is it excepted I s-shouwd knyow n-nyo secwets +*hugs tightly* That appewtain to you? Am I youwsewf +But, as it :33 wewe, in sowt o-ow wimitation, +T-To keep with you a-at meaws, comfowt youw bed, +A-And tawk to you sometimes? Dweww OwO I but in the subuwbs +O-Of youw good pweasuwe? *screams* If >_> it be nyo >_> mowe, +Powtia is Bwutus' h-hawwot, n-nyot his wife. +B-BWUTUS. You awe my twue and honyowabwe w-wife, +As deaw to me *shuffles closer* as awe the wuddy *sighs* dwops +That visit OwO my sad h-heawt. +POWTIA. If this wewe twue, then shouwd I knyow this secwet. +I-I gwant I am a woman, but w-withaw +A woman that Wowd Bwutus t-took to wife. +I gwant I am a woman, but *shuffles closer* withaw +A woman weww weputed, Cato's daughtew. +Think you I am nyo *moans* stwongew than m-my sex, +Being so fathew'd and so husbanded? +Teww me youw counsews, I wiww nyot discwose 'em. +I-I have made stwong pwoof of my c-constancy, +Giving mysewf a >w< vowuntawy w-wound +Hewe >_< in the thigh. Can I beaw that with patience +And nyot m-my husband's secwets? +BWUTUS. O ye gods, +Wendew me ^w^ wowthy *leans over* of *pokes you* this nyobwe *hugs tightly* wife! Knyocking within. +Hawk, ^-^ hawk, onye knyocks. Powtia, go in :3 awhiwe, +And by and by thy *giggles shyly* bosom s-shaww p-pawtake +The secwets of my heawt. +Aww my engagements I wiww constwue to thee, +Aww *screams* the chawactewy of my x3 sad bwows. +Weave me with >_> haste. [Exit Powtia.] Wucius, who's that knyocks? + +We-entew Wucius with Wigawius. + +WUCIUS. Hewe is a *hugs tightly* sick man t-that wouwd speak w-with you. +BWUTUS. Caius Wigawius, that Metewwus spake of. +Boy, stand UwU aside. Caius Wigawius, how? +WIGAWIUS. Vouchsafe good mowwow fwom ^.^ a *moans* feebwe *hugs tightly* tongue. +:33 BWUTUS. O, what a xDD time have y-you chose out, bwave Caius, +To weaw *looks away* a kewchief! Wouwd you wewe nyot *sweats* sick! +WIGAWIUS. I am nyot s-sick, if Bwutus *screams* have *screams* in hand +*notices bulge* Any expwoit ;;w;; wowthy the UwU nyame of honyow. +BWUTUS. ^w^ Such an expwoit have UwU I in hand, *teleports behind you* Wigawius, +Had you a-a heawthfuw e-eaw to heaw of ^w^ it. +WIGAWIUS. By aww t-the gods *shuffles closer* that Womans bow *hugs tightly* befowe, +I hewe discawd my sicknyess! *notices bulge* Souw of ^.^ Wome! +Bwave s-son, dewived fwom honyowabwe w-woins! +Thou, ;;w;; wike an exowcist, hast conjuwed u-up +My mowtified spiwit. Nyow bid UwU me wun, +And I wiww stwive *sighs* with things impossibwe, +Yea, get the bettew of them. What's to do? +BWUTUS. *leans over* A piece of wowk that wiww make sick men whowe. +W-WIGAWIUS. But *looks at you* awe *leans over* nyot *leans over* some whowe that we must *sweats* make x3 sick? +B-BWUTUS. That m-must we awso. What it is, m-my *pokes you* Caius, +I >_> shaww unfowd to thee, as we awe going +To whom *screams* it must *cries* be donye. +WIGAWIUS. Set on youw foot, +And with a h-heawt nyew-fiwed I f-fowwow you, +To do I-I knyow nyot w-what; *blushes* but i-it s-sufficeth +That Bwutus w-weads me o-on. +BWUTUS. Fowwow m-me then. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE II. +Caesaw's OwO house. Thundew and wightnying. + +*twerks* Entew Caesaw, *cries* in his nyightgown. + +CAESAW. Nyow heaven nyow eawth have :3 been a-at peace tonyight. +Thwice hath Cawpuwnyia in hew s-sweep cwied out, +"Hewp, ho! T-They muwthew Caesaw!" Who's within? + +>_< Entew a Sewvant. + +SEWVANT. My *cries* wowd? +CAESAW. Go bid the pwiests do p-pwesent sacwifice, +And b-bwing me theiw opinyions of success. +;;w;; SEWVANT. I *cuddles you* wiww, m-my wowd. Exit. + +Entew Cawpuwnyia. + +CAWPUWNyIA. *cuddles you* What mean y-you, Caesaw? Think you >_< to wawk *sighs* fowth? +You shaww *notices bulge* nyot s-stiw out of youw house *cuddles you* today. +CAESAW. x3 Caesaw >w< shaww fowth: the things that thweaten'd me +Nye'ew wook'd but on my back; w-when they s-shaww see +The face *moans* of Caesaw, they awe vanyished. +CAWPUWNyIA. Caesaw, I-I I stood on cewemonyies, +Yet nyow they fwight me. Thewe *sighs* is onye within, +Besides the things that we have heawd and seen, +Wecounts most howwid sights seen x3 by the watch. +A wionyess hath whewped ^w^ in the stweets; +And gwaves have yawn'd, and yiewded *teleports behind you* up *hugs tightly* theiw dead; +Fiewce fiewy wawwiows xDD fight upon the cwouds, +In wanks *cuddles you* and squadwons and wight fowm of w-waw, +Which *looks away* dwizzwed *notices bulge* bwood upon the >_> Capitow; +The nyoise of battwe huwtwed in *moans* the aiw, +^.^ Howses did nyeigh and dying men did gwoan, +And ghosts did shwiek and s-squeaw a-about the stweets. +O Caesaw! These t-things awe beyond aww use, +And I do feaw them. +CAESAW. ^.^ What can be avoided +Whose end is puwposed by the mighty gods? +Y-Yet *blushes* Caesaw shaww go fowth, ^.^ fow these pwedictions +Awe *leans over* to the w-wowwd i-in *leans over* genyewaw as to Caesaw. +C-CAWPUWNyIA. *notices bulge* When b-beggaws die, thewe awe nyo comets seen; +The heavens themsewves *sighs* bwaze fowth the death of pwinces. +C-CAESAW. C-Cowawds die *pokes you* many times OwO befowe theiw deaths; +The vawiant nyevew t-taste of death but once. +Of aww the *sighs* wondews that I yet have heawd, +It seems to me most stwange that m-men shouwd feaw +Seeing that death, a nyecessawy end, +Wiww ^-^ come xDD when uWu it wiww come. + +We-entew Sewvant. + +What say the a-auguwews? +:3 SEWVANT. They w-wouwd nyot have *shuffles closer* you t-to s-stiw fowth t-today. +xDD Pwucking the ;;w;; entwaiws of an offewing fowth, +^w^ They *twerks* couwd >_> nyot UwU find a heawt within >w< the beast. +CAESAW. The gods do this in shame of cowawdice. +*blushes* Caesaw shouwd be a beast without a heawt +If he *teleports behind you* shouwd stay at home today fow feaw. +:3 Nyo, Caesaw shaww nyot. Dangew knyows fuww weww +That Caesaw is mowe dangewous than h-he. +We awe two wions w-wittew'd in onye day, +And I the e-ewdew and ^.^ mowe tewwibwe. +And Caesaw shaww go fowth. +CAWPUWNyIA. *shuffles closer* Awas, my wowd, +Youw wisdom i-is consumed in confidence. +Do nyot x3 go *giggles shyly* fowth *moans* today. Caww it my feaw +T-That keeps you in the house and nyot *cuddles you* youw own. +We'ww send Mawk Antony to the Senyate House, +And he *giggles shyly* shaww say you awe nyot weww today. +Wet me, upon my knyee, pwevaiw *giggles shyly* in this. +CAESAW. Mawk *twerks* Antony shaww say I am nyot weww, +*shuffles closer* And, fow thy h-humow, I wiww s-stay a-at home. + +Entew Decius. + +Hewe's Decius B-Bwutus, he shaww teww them so. +*cuddles you* DECIUS. Caesaw, a-aww ^w^ haiw! Good mowwow, wowthy Caesaw! +I-I come to fetch y-you *moans* to the Senyate House. +CAESAW. And you awe come in vewy happy time +To *sighs* beaw *screams* my gweeting to >w< the senyatows +And teww them that I wiww nyot c-come today. +Cannyot, is fawse, and that I dawe nyot, fawsew: +I wiww nyot xDD come today. Teww them so, Decius. +CAWPUWNyIA. Say he is sick. +CAESAW. Shaww Caesaw send a wie? +Have I in conquest stwetch'd minye awm *cries* so faw +To *leans over* be afeawd to teww ^-^ gweybeawds the *hugs tightly* twuth? +Decius, go teww them Caesaw wiww nyot come. +DECIUS. Most mighty Caesaw, w-wet m-me knyow s-some cause, +UwU West I-I be waugh'd at ^.^ when I-I teww them so. +CAESAW. The cause is in my w-wiww: I wiww n-nyot come, +That is e-enyough to satisfy the Senyate. +But, fow *cuddles you* youw pwivate satisfaction, +Because *shuffles closer* I wove you, I-I wiww ;;w;; wet you knyow. +Cawpuwnyia h-hewe, my wife, ^-^ stays m-me at home; +She *pokes you* dweamt t-tonyight she saw my statue, +Which, wike a *twerks* fountain with an hundwed spouts, +Did wun puwe bwood, a-and many w-wusty Womans +Came smiwing and did bathe theiw h-hands in >w< it. +*giggles shyly* And these does she appwy fow wawnyings and *notices bulge* powtents +And eviws imminyent, and on hew *cuddles you* knyee +Hath begg'd that I *screams* wiww s-stay at home today. +DECIUS. *sweats* This dweam is aww *teleports behind you* amiss intewpweted; +It was a-a vision faiw a-and fowtunyate. +Youw statue spouting bwood in many pipes, +In which so many smiwing Womans bathed, +Signyifies *notices bulge* that fwom you gweat Wome shaww suck +Weviving bwood, and t-that gweat men shaww pwess +Fow tinctuwes, stains, wewics, and cognyizance. +This by >_< Cawpuwnyia's dweam is signyified. +CAESAW. And this w-way have y-you weww expounded it. +DECIUS. I have, when you have heawd what I can say. +And knyow it x3 nyow, t-the Senyate have concwuded +To give this day a *cries* cwown to mighty Caesaw. +I-If y-you shaww send them w-wowd you wiww nyot come, +Theiw minds >_< may change. Besides, it wewe *notices bulge* a mock +Apt to be wendew'd, fow s-someonye ^w^ to say +"Bweak up the Senyate tiww a-anyothew OwO time, +W-When C-Caesaw's wife shaww meet with bettew d-dweams." +*sighs* If C-Caesaw hide himsewf, shaww they nyot whispew +"Wo, Caesaw *twerks* is a-afwaid"? +Pawdon m-me, *sweats* Caesaw, fow my deaw deaw wove +To youw pwoceeding bids me teww *looks at you* you ;;w;; this, +And weason to my wove is *giggles shyly* wiabwe. +CAESAW. How foowish do youw feaws seem nyow, Cawpuwnyia! +*cries* I am ashamed I did yiewd t-to them. +Give me m-my *screams* wobe, fow I wiww go. + +Entew Pubwius, Bwutus, Wigawius, M-Metewwus, Casca, +Twebonyius, a-and Cinnya. + +And *screams* wook whewe Pubwius i-is come to fetch me. +PUBWIUS. G-Good *blushes* mowwow,Caesaw. +CAESAW. Wewcome, Pubwius. +What, Bwutus, awe you stiww'd so eawwy too? +Good m-mowwow, Casca. Caius Wigawius, +Caesaw *screams* was n-nye'ew so much *screams* youw :33 enyemy +A-As that same ague w-which h-hath made you wean. +What is't *hugs tightly* o'cwock? +uWu BWUTUS. Caesaw, 'tis stwucken eight. +*sweats* CAESAW. I-I thank you fow youw *cuddles you* pains and couwtesy. + +Entew Antony. + +See, Antony, that wevews wong o' nyights, +Is nyotwithstanding up. G-Good mowwow, A-Antony. +ANTONY. So t-to most nyobwe C-Caesaw. +CAESAW. Bid them pwepawe within. +I am *moans* to bwame t-to *pokes you* be thus waited fow. +Nyow, *teleports behind you* Cinnya; nyow, Metewwus; what, Twebonyius, +I *blushes* have an houw's tawk in stowe fow xDD you; +Wemembew that you *looks away* caww on me today; +B-Be n-nyeaw me, t-that I m-may wemembew you. +T-TWEBONyIUS. Caesaw, I wiww. [Aside.] And so *blushes* nyeaw *hugs tightly* wiww I be +That youw b-best fwiends shaww w-wish I had been fuwthew. +:33 CAESAW. G-Good fwiends, go in and OwO taste some winye with m-me, +A-And we wike *sweats* fwiends wiww stwaightway go t-togethew. +BWUTUS. [Aside.] >w< That evewy wike is n-nyot the same, O-O Caesaw, +T-The heawt of Bwutus yeawns to *looks at you* think upon! Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE >_< III. +A-A stweet nyeaw t-the Capitow. + +Entew Awtemidowus, weading >w< papew. + +AWTEMIDOWUS. "Caesaw, bewawe of Bwutus; take heed o-of Cassius; come +nyot nyeaw *screams* Casca; *sweats* have x3 an eye to Cinnya; twust nyot T-Twebonyius; mawk +weww UwU Metewwus Cimbew; Decius Bwutus ^-^ woves thee *moans* nyot; thou hast +wwonged Caius Wigawius. Thewe is but onye mind in a-aww these men, +and it *sweats* is bent *sweats* against Caesaw. I-If thou beest nyot i-immowtaw, w-wook +about you. Secuwity *leans over* gives way to c-conspiwacy. The *sweats* mighty gods +defend thee! +Thy wovew, >_> Awtemidowus." +Hewe wiww I stand t-tiww Caesaw p-pass awong, +And as a *pokes you* suitow wiww I ;;w;; give him this. +My heawt *cries* waments that viwtue cannyot wive +UwU Out of the teeth of emuwation. +If thou wead this, *hugs tightly* O C-Caesaw, thou mayest >_> wive; +I-If nyot, the >w< Fates with twaitows do contwive. Exit. + + + + +SCENyE IV. +Anyothew pawt of the same stweet, befowe the house of Bwutus. + +Entew >w< Powtia and *looks at you* Wucius. + +POWTIA. I pwithee, b-boy, wun to the S-Senyate House; +*looks away* Stay uWu nyot *leans over* to answew me, b-but get thee gonye. +Why dost thou s-stay? +WUCIUS. T-To k-knyow my ewwand, madam. +POWTIA. I wouwd have xDD had thee thewe, and hewe again, +Ewe I c-can *leans over* teww *screams* thee w-what t-thou shouwdst do thewe. +O >_< constancy, be ^.^ stwong upon my side! +Set a-a huge mountain 'tween my heawt and tongue! +I h-have a man's mind, but a *teleports behind you* woman's might. +How hawd it is fow *looks away* women to keep counsew! +Awt thou hewe yet? +WUCIUS. Madam, what shouwd I do? +Wun to t-the Capitow, and nyothing OwO ewse? +And so wetuwn to *notices bulge* you, and nyothing *cuddles you* ewse? +POWTIA. uWu Yes, bwing me wowd, boy, if *giggles shyly* thy wowd wook weww, +Fow he went sickwy fowth; x3 and take *twerks* good nyote +What Caesaw doth, x3 what suitows pwess to >_< him. +Hawk, b-boy, w-what nyoise x3 is *looks away* that? +WUCIUS. I heaw n-nyonye, madam. +*cries* POWTIA. Pwithee, wisten weww. +I heawd a bustwing wumow w-wike a f-fway, +And the wind bwings it *cuddles you* fwom the *hugs tightly* Capitow. +xDD WUCIUS. Sooth, madam, I h-heaw *teleports behind you* nyothing. + +:3 Entew the >w< Soothsayew. + +POWTIA. Come hithew, fewwow; +Which way h-hast thou been? +SOOTHSAYEW. A-At minye o-own house, good wady. +POWTIA. What is't o'cwock? +SOOTHSAYEW. >w< About the nyinth houw, wady. +POWTIA. I-Is Caesaw *twerks* yet gonye to the Capitow? +SOOTHSAYEW. Madam, *leans over* nyot *sweats* yet. I uWu go to take m-my stand +To see ^.^ him pass on to the Capitow. +POWTIA. Thou hast s-some *shuffles closer* suit *cuddles you* to Caesaw, hast thou nyot? +SOOTHSAYEW. That I have, *looks at you* wady. If it *twerks* wiww pwease Caesaw +T-To be s-so good to Caesaw as to heaw me, +I shaww beseech him :33 to befwiend h-himsewf. +POWTIA. Why, knyow'st t-thou any h-hawm's intended towawds h-him? +SOOTHSAYEW. Nyonye that I knyow wiww be, much *moans* that I feaw may *hugs tightly* chance. +Good mowwow to you. Hewe the ^-^ stweet is nyawwow, +T-The thwong that fowwows Caesaw at the heews, +Of senyatows, of pwaetows, common *pokes you* suitows, +Wiww cwowd a feebwe man a-awmost to death. +I'ww x3 get *moans* me *cuddles you* to a pwace mowe void *sweats* and thewe +Speak to gweat *sweats* Caesaw as he comes awong. Exit. +POWTIA. I must go in. Ay me, how w-weak a thing +The heawt of woman is! O Bwutus, +^.^ The h-heavens *sweats* speed thee in thinye entewpwise! +Suwe, t-the boy heawd >w< me. B-Bwutus hath a s-suit +That Caesaw wiww nyot gwant. O, I gwow xDD faint. +W-Wun, Wucius, *notices bulge* and c-commend xDD me to my *blushes* wowd; +S-Say I uWu am *shuffles closer* mewwy. C-Come *cries* to me again, +A-And bwing me wowd what he ^.^ doth say to thee. +>_< Exeunt sevewawwy. + + + + +<_> ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS B-BENyEDICTINyE C-COWWEGE +*moans* WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE W-WEADABWE COPIES MAY *twerks* BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG ^w^ AS SUCH *looks away* COPIES (-(1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT *looks at you* DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY A-ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW D-DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW ;;w;; MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +OwO ACT III. SCENyE I. +Wome. Befowe the C-Capitow; the Senyate sitting above. +A cwowd of peopwe, among them Awtemidowus and the Soothsayew. + +Fwouwish. Entew Caesaw, Bwutus, *notices bulge* Cassius, Casca, D-Decius, M-Metewwus, +Twebonyius, Cinnya, A-Antony, Wepidus, >_> Popiwius, Pubwius, and o-othews. + +CAESAW. The ides of Mawch awe come. +SOOTHSAYEW. Ay, C-Caesaw, b-but nyot gonye. +A xDD Haiw, Caesaw! Wead this scheduwe. +DECIUS. Twebonyius doth desiwe you to o'ew wead, +At youw b-best weisuwe, this his humbwe suit. +AWTEMIDOWUS. O UwU Caesaw, wead minye fiwst, fow minye's a suit +That touches C-Caesaw nyeawew. Wead it, g-gweat Caesaw. +>_> CAESAW. What t-touches u-us ouwsewf s-shaww *looks at you* be wast s-sewved. +AWTEMIDOWUS. Deway n-nyot, Caesaw; wead i-it instantwy. +OwO CAESAW. :3 What, UwU is the fewwow mad? +PUBWIUS. Siwwah, give pwace. +CASSIUS. What, ;;w;; uwge you youw petitions in x3 the stweet? +Come to the Capitow. + +Caesaw *giggles shyly* goes up to the Senyate *looks away* House, the west fowwow. + +P-POPIWIUS. I ^-^ wish youw e-entewpwise today may t-thwive. +C-CASSIUS. What entewpwise, Popiwius? +POPIWIUS. Fawe you weww. +^-^ Advances to Caesaw. +BWUTUS. What ^.^ said Popiwius Wenya? +CASSIUS. He *cuddles you* wish'd ^w^ today *shuffles closer* ouw entewpwise might UwU thwive. +I feaw ouw p-puwpose is discovewed. +B-BWUTUS. Wook, how he makes to Caesaw. Mawk him. +CASSIUS. Casca, +Be sudden, fow we feaw pwevention. +Bwutus, what shaww *shuffles closer* be donye? If this *sighs* be knyown, +Cassius ^w^ ow Caesaw *moans* nyevew shaww OwO tuwn back, +Fow *pokes you* I wiww sway xDD mysewf. +*twerks* BWUTUS. Cassius, *cuddles you* be xDD constant. +P-Popiwius *screams* Wenya speaks nyot of ouw puwposes; +F-Fow, w-wook, h-he smiwes, and Caesaw doth nyot c-change. +CASSIUS. Twebonyius knyows *shuffles closer* his time, fow, w-wook you, Bwutus, +He dwaws Mawk Antony o-out of the way. +Exeunt *looks away* Antony and Twebonyius. +DECIUS. Whewe is M-Metewwus Cimbew? Wet him +And pwesentwy *sweats* pwefew his suit to Caesaw. +>w< BWUTUS. H-He i-is addwess'd; pwess nyeaw and second h-him. +CINNyA. Casca, you uWu awe t-the fiwst *cries* that weaws youw hand. +C-CAESAW. Awe we aww weady? What is nyow *notices bulge* amiss +That Caesaw a-and his Senyate m-must wedwess? +METEWWUS. Most high, most mighty, and *hugs tightly* most puissant Caesaw, +M-Metewwus Cimbew thwows befowe thy seat +An humbwe h-heawt. Knyeews. +CAESAW. I must pwevent thee, Cimbew. +These couchings and these wowwy couwtesies +Might fiwe the bwood of *screams* owdinyawy m-men +A-And tuwn pweowdinyance and fiwst decwee +Into the waw of ;;w;; chiwdwen. *looks away* Be >w< nyot fond +T-To think that Caesaw beaws *leans over* such webew bwood +That wiww ^-^ be thaw'd fwom the twue quawity +^.^ With that which >_< mewteth f-foows- I *looks at you* mean sweet wowds, +xDD Wow-cwooked couwt'sies, and *twerks* base s-spanyiew-fawnying. +Thy bwothew by decwee is banyished. +If thou dost bend a-and pway and f-fawn fow him, +I spuwn thee wike a-a c-cuw out :33 of my way. +Knyow, Caesaw doth nyot wwong, nyow without cause +Wiww he be satisfied. +*twerks* METEWWUS. Is thewe nyo voice mowe w-wowthy than my *looks at you* own, +To sound mowe sweetwy i-in gweat Caesaw's eaw +Fow the wepeawing *cuddles you* of my b-banyish'd bwothew? +BWUTUS. I kiss thy h-hand, but n-nyot in fwattewy, C-Caesaw, +Desiwing thee that Pubwius Cimbew may +Have an immediate fweedom of wepeaw. +C-CAESAW. What, Bwutus? +C-CASSIUS. Pawdon, ^.^ Caesaw! Caesaw, pawdon! +A-As w-wow as t-to thy f-foot doth Cassius faww +To beg e-enfwanchisement fow Pubwius Cimbew. +CAESAW. I ^.^ couwd b-be weww moved, if I wewe as you; +If I-I couwd p-pway to move, *giggles shyly* pwayews >w< wouwd *cuddles you* move me; +*cries* But I am constant *cuddles you* as t-the nyowthewn staw, +Of whose ^-^ twue-fix'd a-and westing ^w^ quawity +Thewe is *looks at you* nyo fewwow in the fiwmament. +The skies awe painted with u-unnyumbew'd spawks; +They awe *sighs* aww fiwe >_< and e-evewy onye doth *twerks* shinye; +But thewe's but uWu onye *giggles shyly* in aww doth h-howd his pwace. +So in the w-wowwd, '-'tis fuwnyish'd w-weww w-with men, +And men awe fwesh and bwood, and *looks at you* appwehensive; +Yet in the nyumbew I-I do knyow but onye +That unyassaiwabwe howds on ^.^ his wank, +Unshaked of m-motion; and ^w^ that I-I *notices bulge* am he, +Wet me OwO a wittwe s-show it, even in this; +That I was c-constant C-Cimbew shouwd be *cuddles you* banyish'd, +And constant do wemain to *looks at you* keep him so. +C-CINNyA. O Caesaw- +CAESAW. Hence! Wiwt thou wift up Owympus? +DECIUS. Gweat Caesaw- +CAESAW. Doth n-nyot *leans over* Bwutus bootwess knyeew? +CASCA. Speak, hands, fow me! +C-Casca fiwst, then the othew C-Conspiwatows +and Mawcus Bwutus stab Caesaw. +CAESAW. Et ;;w;; tu, Bwute?- T-Then faww, Caesaw! Dies. +*looks away* CINNyA. Wibewty! Fweedom! Tywanny is dead! +Wun hence, pwocwaim, cwy it about the stweets. +CASSIUS. Some to the c-common puwpits and cwy out +"Wibewty, fweedom, and enfwanchisement!" +BWUTUS. P-Peopwe and senyatows, be nyot affwighted, +Fwy *cries* nyot, *pokes you* stand stiww; ambition's d-debt is paid. +^.^ CASCA. Go to the puwpit, Bwutus. +DECIUS. And Cassius too. +BWUTUS. Whewe's Pubwius? +CINNyA. Hewe, >_> quite confounded with this mutiny. +M-METEWWUS. Stand fast uWu togethew, west s-some fwiend of C-Caesaw's +:33 Shouwd >_> chance- +BWUTUS. Tawk *looks at you* nyot o-of standing. Pubwius, good cheew, +T-Thewe i-is *hugs tightly* nyo hawm intended to youw >w< pewson, +Nyow to nyo Woman ewse. S-So teww >_> them, Pubwius. +C-CASSIUS. A-And weave us, Pubwius, *looks at you* west *moans* that t-the peopwe +Wushing on *looks away* us shouwd do >_< youw age some mischief. +B-BWUTUS. Do so, xDD and wet nyo man a-abide *moans* this deed +But *sweats* we the doews. + +We-entew T-Twebonyius. + +CASSIUS. Whewe is Antony? +TWEBONyIUS. Fwed to *leans over* his house *looks away* amazed. +M-Men, wives, and chiwdwen stawe, cwy out, and wun +As *screams* it wewe doomsday. +BWUTUS. Fates, we wiww knyow youw p-pweasuwes. +That w-we shaww die, we knyow; 'tis but the >_> time +And d-dwawing d-days o-out that :3 men uWu stand upon. +CASSIUS. Why, he *pokes you* that cuts off twenty yeaws of UwU wife +Cuts off so many y-yeaws o-of feawing death. +BWUTUS. Gwant that, *twerks* and then is d-death a benyefit; +So awe we Caesaw's *hugs tightly* fwiends that have *blushes* abwidged +H-His :3 time of feawing death. Stoop, Womans, stoop, +And wet us bathe ouw hands in Caesaw's bwood +*looks at you* Up to the ewbows, *looks at you* and besmeaw ouw swowds; +*leans over* Then wawk we *pokes you* fowth, even *moans* to the OwO mawketpwace, +And waving ouw *cries* wed weapons o'ew ouw heads, +Wet's aww cwy, "Peace, fweedom, a-and wibewty!" +;;w;; CASSIUS. Stoop then, ^-^ and wash. How many ages hence +Shaww *cries* this ouw wofty scenye be acted *looks away* ovew +In states >_< unbown and accents yet unknyown! +B-BWUTUS. ;;w;; How *twerks* many t-times s-shaww Caesaw bweed in spowt, +T-That nyow on P-Pompey's basis wies awong +Nyo wowthiew than the >_< dust! +C-CASSIUS. So oft as that shaww be, +So often ^.^ shaww the *giggles shyly* knyot of us be caww'd +T-The men that gave theiw c-countwy UwU wibewty. +DECIUS. What, shaww we f-fowth? +CASSIUS. Ay, evewy man away. +B-Bwutus shaww wead, and we *looks at you* wiww gwace his heews +With the most bowdest and b-best heawts of W-Wome. + +E-Entew a S-Sewvant. + +B-BWUTUS. Soft, who comes hewe? A fwiend o-of Antony's. +S-SEWVANT. ^w^ Thus, Bwutus, did my mastew bid me knyeew, +Thus UwU did Mawk Antony bid me faww down, +A-And, *screams* being p-pwostwate, *notices bulge* thus *notices bulge* he bade *hugs tightly* me say: +Bwutus is nyobwe, wise, vawiant, and honyest; +Caesaw was mighty, bowd, woyaw, *notices bulge* and woving. +Say I wove Bwutus and I honyow him; +Say I feaw'd Caesaw, honyow'd him, and woved him. +I-If Bwutus wiww vouchsafe *leans over* that Antony +May safewy come t-to h-him a-and be wesowved +How C-Caesaw hath desewved to wie in death, +Mawk Antony s-shaww nyot wove Caesaw dead +S-So weww as B-Bwutus wiving, but :3 wiww fowwow +The fowtunyes and *hugs tightly* affaiws of nyobwe Bwutus +Thowough the hazawds of this u-untwod state +With aww twue faith. S-So says my *blushes* mastew Antony. +>_> BWUTUS. Thy *shuffles closer* mastew is a xDD wise and vawiant W-Woman; +I nyevew thought him wowse. +*shuffles closer* Teww him, so pwease him *giggles shyly* come unto this pwace, +He *leans over* shaww be satisfied a-and, by my honyow, +x3 Depawt untouch'd. +SEWVANT. I'ww fetch him *sighs* pwesentwy. Exit. +BWUTUS. I knyow *notices bulge* that *blushes* we shaww ;;w;; have h-him weww xDD to fwiend. +CASSIUS. I wish w-we may, but yet have I-I a mind +That feaws h-him much, a-and my misgiving s-stiww +F-Fawws shwewdwy to the p-puwpose. + +We-entew Antony. + +BWUTUS. :33 But hewe comes Antony. Wewcome, Mawk Antony. +ANTONY. O m-mighty Caesaw! Dost thou wie so wow? +Awe aww thy c-conquests, gwowies, twiumphs, spoiws, +Shwunk to *notices bulge* this wittwe m-measuwe? F-Fawe t-thee weww. +I knyow nyot, gentwemen, *twerks* what you intend, +Who e-ewse *looks away* must be wet bwood, who ewse is wank. +If I mysewf, t-thewe is n-nyo *pokes you* houw ^w^ so fit +As *screams* Caesaw's *pokes you* death's houw, nyow nyo *moans* instwument +Of hawf that *hugs tightly* wowth as t-those youw swowds, made w-wich +With the most nyobwe bwood of aww this wowwd. +I do beseech ye, if you beaw UwU me hawd, +Nyow, whiwst youw puwpwed hands do *twerks* week and smoke, +Fuwfiww youw pweasuwe. Wive a thousand yeaws, +I-I shaww nyot f-find mysewf so apt to die; +Nyo pwace wiww pwease me so, nyo means of death, +As hewe by C-Caesaw, and xDD by you cut off, +The c-choice and mastew *hugs tightly* spiwits of t-this age. +BWUTUS. O Antony, UwU beg nyot youw death *notices bulge* of us! +Though nyow we must appeaw bwoody and cwuew, +As, by ouw hands and this ouw pwesent act +You see we do, yet see you but ouw hands +And this the *screams* bweeding businyess *hugs tightly* they have donye. +O-Ouw h-heawts you see n-nyot; they awe pitifuw; +And pity to the genyewaw ;;w;; wwong of Wome- +As fiwe >w< dwives out x3 fiwe, so pity pity- +Hath donye this deed on Caesaw. ^.^ Fow youw pawt, +To you ouw swowds have *giggles shyly* weaden points, *shuffles closer* Mawk >w< Antony; +Ouw awms i-in stwength of mawice, and ouw heawts +^-^ Of *shuffles closer* bwothews' tempew, d-do w-weceive you in +With aww kind >_> wove, good thoughts, a-and wevewence. +CASSIUS. Youw voice shaww b-be as stwong as a-any man's +In the disposing of nyew *blushes* dignyities. +BWUTUS. OwO Onwy ;;w;; be patient tiww we have appeased +The muwtitude, beside themsewves with feaw, +*pokes you* And *looks at you* then we w-wiww dewivew you the *shuffles closer* cause +Why I, that did wove Caesaw *notices bulge* when I stwuck him, +Have thus *cries* pwoceeded. +ANTONY. OwO I doubt nyot o-of y-youw wisdom. +Wet each man *moans* wendew me his :3 bwoody hand. +Fiwst, Mawcus Bwutus, wiww I shake with you; +Nyext, Caius Cassius, ^w^ do I take ^-^ youw hand; +Nyow, *notices bulge* Decius Bwutus, youws; nyow youws, M-Metewwus; +Y-Youws, Cinnya; and, m-my vawiant Casca, youws; +Though w-wast, nyot weast in wove, youws, good uWu Twebonyius. +Gentwemen UwU aww- awas, what shaww I say? +My cwedit nyow stands on >_> such s-swippewy gwound, +That xDD onye of two bad ways >w< you must conceit me, +Eithew a cowawd ow a-a :33 fwattewew. +That I did wove thee, Caesaw, O, 'tis twue! +^.^ If then thy spiwit wook upon us nyow, +S-Shaww it nyot gwieve *pokes you* thee *looks away* deawew than thy death +To see t-thy Antony m-making his peace, +x3 Shaking the bwoody fingews of t-thy foes, +Most n-nyobwe! I-In the p-pwesence of thy cowse? +Had I as *looks at you* many eyes as thou hast *twerks* wounds, +xDD Weeping as fast as they *cuddles you* stweam fowth thy bwood, +It wouwd become me bettew *teleports behind you* than to cwose +In tewms of x3 fwiendship with thinye *notices bulge* enyemies. +Pawdon me, Juwius! Hewe wast thou bay'd, bwave hawt, +Hewe didst thou f-faww, and >w< hewe thy h-huntews *teleports behind you* stand, +Sign'd in *shuffles closer* thy spoiw, and cwimson'd in thy Wethe. +O wowwd, thou wast the *notices bulge* fowest to *teleports behind you* this hawt, +A-And t-this, indeed, O wowwd, the heawt of thee. +How wike a-a deew stwucken by many pwinces +Dost thou hewe wie! +CASSIUS. Mawk Antony- +ANTONY. Pawdon m-me, Caius ^-^ Cassius. +The enyemies of Caesaw shaww say this: +Then, in a-a fwiend, i-it is cowd modesty. +CASSIUS. I-I bwame you :3 nyot fow p-pwaising ^-^ Caesaw so; +But what x3 compact m-mean you to h-have with us? +*teleports behind you* Wiww you b-be pwick'd in nyumbew of ouw f-fwiends, +O-Ow shaww we o-on, and nyot depend on you? +ANTONY. *sighs* Thewefowe *pokes you* I t-took youw hands, but was indeed +Sway'd fwom *teleports behind you* the *blushes* point by :33 wooking down on Caesaw. +Fwiends am I with *leans over* you aww and wove you aww, +Upon this hope *cuddles you* that you shaww *teleports behind you* give me weasons +Why :3 and OwO whewein Caesaw was dangewous. +BWUTUS. Ow ewse wewe this a s-savage spectacwe. +Ouw weasons *leans over* awe s-so fuww of g-good wegawd +That wewe you, Antony, the son of Caesaw, +You shouwd be satisfied. +ANTONY. That's *twerks* aww I seek; +A-And am moweovew suitow ^.^ that I may +Pwoduce *giggles shyly* his body to the mawketpwace, +*screams* And in the p-puwpit, as becomes a fwiend, +Speak in the owdew of his funyewaw. +BWUTUS. You shaww, Mawk ^w^ Antony. +CASSIUS. Bwutus, a-a wowd with y-you. +[Aside to Bwutus.] You knyow nyot what y-you do. *moans* Do nyot c-consent +That Antony speak in his funyewaw. +Knyow >_> you how much the p-peopwe may be m-moved +By that which he wiww uttew? +>w< BWUTUS. B-By youw pawdon, +I wiww mysewf i-into the *screams* puwpit fiwst, +And show the weason of ouw Caesaw's death. +What Antony shaww speak, I wiww pwotest +He speaks by weave *screams* and by p-pewmission, +And that w-we awe c-contented ;;w;; Caesaw shaww +xDD Have aww twue wites >_< and wawfuw cewemonyies. +It *pokes you* shaww advantage m-mowe t-than do us wwong. +CASSIUS. I knyow nyot what may faww; I wike it *shuffles closer* nyot. +BWUTUS. Mawk Antony, hewe, take you Caesaw's body. +You shaww nyot in youw funyewaw speech bwame us, +But speak aww g-good *shuffles closer* you *notices bulge* can *notices bulge* devise of Caesaw, +And say you do't by ouw p-pewmission, +*teleports behind you* Ewse shaww you nyot have any hand at *screams* aww +About his funyewaw. And you shaww speak +In the same p-puwpit wheweto I am going, +Aftew my speech is *twerks* ended. +ANTONY. Be it s-so, +*cuddles you* I do desiwe nyo *cuddles you* mowe. +BWUTUS. Pwepawe the body then, UwU and fowwow us. +Exeunt aww but Antony. +ANTONY. O, pawdon me, x3 thou bweeding p-piece o-of eawth, +That I am m-meek and gentwe w-with these butchews! +Thou awt UwU the wuins of the nyobwest man +That evew wived i-in the tide o-of times. +;;w;; Woe t-to the hand that shed this costwy bwood! +Ovew thy wounds *sighs* nyow do I pwophesy +(Which wike dumb mouths do ope theiw wuby wips +To beg t-the *screams* voice a-and uttewance of *looks at you* my tongue) +A-A cuwse s-shaww wight upon the wimbs of men; +Domestic fuwy and *hugs tightly* fiewce civiw s-stwife +Shaww cumbew aww *twerks* the x3 pawts of Itawy; +Bwood a-and d-destwuction shaww be so in use, +A-And dweadfuw objects so famiwiaw, +That mothews shaww but smiwe when they behowd +Theiw infants *sweats* quawtew'd with the hands of waw; +:33 Aww pity choked with custom of >_< feww deeds, +And Caesaw's spiwit wanging fow *screams* wevenge, +W-With Ate by his side c-come hot fwom heww, +Shaww in these confinyes with a monyawch's voice +Cwy "-"Havoc!" *notices bulge* and wet swip the dogs of >w< waw, +That *looks away* this fouw deed shaww smeww above the e-eawth +With cawwion men, gwoanying f-fow buwiaw. + +Entew a-a Sewvant. + +^w^ You sewve Octavius Caesaw, do you nyot? +SEWVANT. I do, Mawk ;;w;; Antony. +ANTONY. Caesaw did *notices bulge* wwite fow him to come *teleports behind you* to Wome. +SEWVANT. H-He did weceive his wettews, and is coming, +And bid me say t-to you by w-wowd of mouth- +O Caesaw! Sees the ;;w;; body. +ANTONY. Thy heawt i-is big; get t-thee apawt and w-weep. +Passion, I *notices bulge* see, is x3 catching, fow minye eyes, +Seeing t-those beads of sowwow stand in thinye, +Began :33 to watew. ^-^ Is uWu thy mastew coming? +*hugs tightly* SEWVANT. He wies *moans* tonyight within seven weagues of W-Wome. +*screams* ANTONY. Post b-back with speed and teww him >_< what hath chanced. +*cuddles you* Hewe is a m-mouwnying Wome, a dangewous Wome, +Nyo Wome of s-safety fow >_< Octavius y-yet; +Hie OwO hence, and teww him so. Yet stay awhiwe, +T-Thou shawt nyot back t-tiww I have *moans* bownye this *moans* cowse +*looks away* Into the mawketpwace. Thewe shaww I-I twy, +In my owation, how the peopwe take +The c-cwuew issue of these bwoody men, +*teleports behind you* Accowding to the which thou shawt discouwse +To young Octavius o-of the state of things. +Wend me y-youw hand. *sweats* Exeunt with Caesaw's body. + + + + +OwO SCENyE II. +The :33 Fowum. + +E-Entew Bwutus a-and *screams* Cassius, and *giggles shyly* a thwong of Citizens. + +C-CITIZENS. We wiww *leans over* be satisfied! Wet us be satisfied! +BWUTUS. Then fowwow me and ^-^ give me audience, *hugs tightly* fwiends. +Cassius, go you into the othew stweet +And pawt *teleports behind you* the n-nyumbews. +Those *looks at you* that wiww heaw me speak, wet 'em stay hewe; +Those that wiww fowwow Cassius, g-go with him; +And pubwic weasons shaww be *blushes* wendewed +Of Caesaw's death. +FIWST *notices bulge* CITIZEN. I *shuffles closer* wiww heaw Bwutus speak. +SECOND CITIZEN. *teleports behind you* I wiww heaw Cassius and compawe t-theiw *teleports behind you* weasons, +When sevewawwy *cries* we heaw *moans* them wendewed. +Exit Cassius, with some Citizens. +x3 Bwutus goes into >_< the puwpit. +THIWD CITIZEN. The n-nyobwe B-Bwutus is ascended. Siwence! +BWUTUS. Be patient *looks away* tiww the *blushes* wast. +Womans, countwymen, and wovews! H-Heaw me *shuffles closer* fow my cause, and be +siwent, that *blushes* you may heaw. *pokes you* Bewieve me f-fow m-minye honyow, *notices bulge* and have +wespect *giggles shyly* to minye ^-^ honyow, t-that you may bewieve. Censuwe me in youw +wisdom, and awake youw s-senses, ^.^ that you may the b-bettew judge. If +thewe be any in this assembwy, any deaw fwiend of Caesaw's, to +him I say that B-Bwutus' wove to Caesaw OwO was nyo w-wess than his. If +then t-that fwiend demand why Bwutus wose against Caesaw, this *moans* is +my answew: Nyot that I woved Caesaw wess, but that I-I woved Wome +*sighs* mowe. Had :3 you wathew Caesaw wewe wiving and die aww swaves, t-than +that C-Caesaw wewe dead to wive aww f-fweemen? As *blushes* Caesaw woved me, I +weep fow him; as he was f-fowtunyate, I wejoice at it; as *looks away* he was +v-vawiant, I honyow *notices bulge* him; *moans* but as he was ambitious, >_< I s-swew *notices bulge* him. Thewe +i-is teaws fow his wove, joy fow his fowtunye, honyow fow his vawow, +and death fow his a-ambition. Who i-is hewe so base that *cries* wouwd be a +bondman? If any, speak, fow h-him have I-I offended. Who is hewe so +wude that wouwd nyot b-be a-a Woman? If any, speak, ^.^ fow him have I +offended. W-Who >_> is hewe s-so v-viwe that w-wiww *moans* nyot wove >w< his c-countwy? >w< If +any, s-speak, fow h-him have I offended. I pause fow a-a wepwy. +AWW. Nyonye, *screams* Bwutus, nyonye. +*moans* BWUTUS. Then nyonye *screams* have I offended. I h-have d-donye nyo m-mowe to C-Caesaw +than *moans* you shaww do OwO to *leans over* Bwutus. The question of his death is +enwowwed in the Capitow, his gwowy nyot extenyuated, w-whewein he was +*leans over* wowthy, nyow *leans over* his offenses enfowced, ^.^ fow w-which he suffewed death. + +Entew Antony and >_< othews, with Caesaw's body. + +Hewe ^w^ comes h-his body, mouwnyed by Mawk Antony, who, though he had +nyo hand i-in his death, shaww weceive the benyefit of his dying, a +p-pwace in the commonweawth, as which of you shaww nyot? W-With this I +*looks at you* depawt- that, as I swew my best wovew OwO fow the good of W-Wome, I +*sighs* have the same d-daggew fow mysewf, when it shaww p-pwease my countwy +*looks at you* to nyeed my death. +AWW. Wive, B-Bwutus, w-wive, wive! +FIWST >_> CITIZEN. Bwing him with t-twiumph home xDD unto his house. +SECOND *notices bulge* CITIZEN. *hugs tightly* Give him a statue with his ancestows. +THIWD *giggles shyly* CITIZEN. Wet him be Caesaw. +FOUWTH CITIZEN. C-Caesaw's bettew pawts +Shaww be UwU cwown'd in Bwutus. +FIWST CITIZEN. We'ww bwing him to his house w-with shouts *screams* and +cwamows. +BWUTUS. My countwymen- +SECOND C-CITIZEN. Peace! Siwence! Bwutus speaks. +FIWST *leans over* CITIZEN. Peace, ho! +BWUTUS. G-Good *twerks* countwymen, wet *sighs* me *notices bulge* depawt awonye, +And, fow my sake, stay hewe with Antony. +Do *twerks* gwace to Caesaw's cowse, and g-gwace his *screams* speech +Tending to *cuddles you* Caesaw's gwowies, which Mawk Antony, +By ouw pewmission, is awwow'd to make. +>w< I UwU do entweat ;;w;; you, nyot a ^w^ man depawt, +Save OwO I a-awonye, tiww Antony have spoke. Exit. +FIWST CITIZEN. Stay, h-ho, and wet us heaw Mawk A-Antony. +THIWD CITIZEN. Wet h-him go up into the pubwic chaiw; +*cuddles you* We'ww heaw him. Nyobwe A-Antony, go up. +x3 ANTONY. :33 Fow Bwutus' s-sake, I *looks at you* am :33 behowding to you. +Goes into the puwpit. +FOUWTH CITIZEN. What does he say o-of Bwutus? +T-THIWD CITIZEN. He says, fow ^.^ Bwutus' sake, +*looks at you* He finds h-himsewf behowding t-to us aww. +FOUWTH CITIZEN. 'Twewe b-best he speak *looks at you* nyo hawm of Bwutus hewe. +*pokes you* FIWST CITIZEN. *twerks* This Caesaw was a tywant. +THIWD CITIZEN. N-Nyay, that's cewtain. +W-We awe *blushes* bwest that Wome is *pokes you* wid of him. +SECOND *moans* CITIZEN. P-Peace! *leans over* Wet us heaw what Antony can >_> say. +ANTONY. You *looks at you* gentwe Womans- +AWW. Peace, ho! W-Wet us h-heaw *hugs tightly* him. +ANTONY. Fwiends, Womans, *cries* countwymen, wend me youw eaws! +I c-come to b-buwy Caesaw, nyot t-to pwaise him. +The eviw *blushes* that men do wives a-aftew *looks at you* them, +T-The good is oft intewwed with theiw bonyes; +So wet it be w-with *hugs tightly* Caesaw. The nyobwe Bwutus +Hath towd you OwO Caesaw was ambitious; +If it *sweats* wewe so, *sighs* it was a gwievous *leans over* fauwt, +And gwievouswy hath Caesaw answew'd :3 it. +Hewe, *shuffles closer* undew weave of Bwutus a-and t-the west- +Fow Bwutus is a-an h-honyowabwe man; +So a-awe uWu they aww, aww honyowabwe men- +Come I to speak in Caesaw's funyewaw. +He *twerks* was *blushes* my f-fwiend, faithfuw a-and just t-to me; +But Bwutus says he was ambitious, +And Bwutus is an honyowabwe man. +^-^ He h-hath bwought many captives home *leans over* to Wome, +Whose wansoms did *blushes* the genyewaw coffews fiww. +D-Did this in Caesaw seem ambitious? +When that the p-poow have ^.^ cwied, Caesaw h-hath wept; +Ambition shouwd b-be >_> made of x3 stewnyew stuff: +Yet Bwutus says he *hugs tightly* was ambitious, +*teleports behind you* And Bwutus ^.^ is an honyowabwe ;;w;; man. +You aww did see ;;w;; that *teleports behind you* on t-the Wupewcaw +I thwice pwesented him UwU a kingwy cwown, +Which he did t-thwice wefuse. W-Was t-this ambition? +Yet :3 Bwutus s-says he was ambitious, +And suwe he is >_< an honyowabwe *blushes* man. +I *twerks* speak *pokes you* nyot to dispwove x3 what >_> Bwutus spoke, +But h-hewe I am to speak what I do knyow. +You aww d-did wove him once, n-nyot without cause; +What cause withhowds you then to m-mouwn fow him? +O judgement, thou awt f-fwed to bwutish beasts, +And men have *hugs tightly* wost theiw weason. >_< Beaw with me; +My heawt is i-in the c-coffin thewe with Caesaw, +And I :3 must p-pause tiww it come back to me. +FIWST CITIZEN. ;;w;; Methinks thewe i-is much ^-^ weason in his sayings. +SECOND CITIZEN. If thou considew wightwy of the mattew, +x3 Caesaw has had gweat wwong. +THIWD C-CITIZEN. :3 Has he, mastews? +I *leans over* feaw thewe wiww a wowse come in *shuffles closer* his pwace. +FOUWTH *cuddles you* CITIZEN. Mawk'd y-ye OwO his :3 wowds? ^-^ He wouwd nyot take the cwown; +T-Thewefowe 'tis c-cewtain h-he was nyot a-ambitious. +FIWST CITIZEN. If it be found so, some wiww deaw a-abide it. +SECOND CITIZEN. Poow souw, his eyes awe wed as fiwe w-with weeping. +T-THIWD CITIZEN. Thewe's nyot a nyobwew man in W-Wome *screams* than Antony. +FOUWTH C-CITIZEN. Nyow mawk h-him, h-he begins again to speak. +ANTONY. ^-^ But yestewday t-the w-wowd of Caesaw might +Have stood against the w-wowwd. Nyow w-wies he thewe, +And nyonye so poow to do him wevewence. +O m-mastews! ^.^ If I-I wewe disposed to stiw +^-^ Youw heawts and ;;w;; minds to m-mutiny and wage, +I shouwd do Bwutus wwong and Cassius wwong, +*leans over* Who, *notices bulge* you aww knyow, awe honyowabwe men. +I wiww nyot do them w-wwong; I wathew choose +To wwong the dead, to wwong mysewf and you, +*moans* Than I wiww *looks at you* wwong such h-honyowabwe men. +But hewe's a OwO pawchment with the seaw of Caesaw; +I found it *hugs tightly* in his cwoset, 'tis his wiww. +Wet *cuddles you* but the commons heaw this t-testament- +*moans* Which, pawdon me, I do uWu nyot mean *screams* to wead- +And they wouwd go a-and kiss *hugs tightly* dead Caesaw's wounds +And dip theiw nyapkins in his sacwed bwood, +Yea, beg a haiw of him f-fow memowy, +And, d-dying, mention it within theiw w-wiwws, +*screams* Bequeathing it as a w-wich wegacy +Unto theiw issue. +F-FOUWTH CITIZEN. W-We'ww heaw the wiww. Wead it, Mawk Antony. +AWW. The wiww, >_< the wiww! *giggles shyly* We wiww heaw *hugs tightly* Caesaw's wiww. +ANTONY. Have patience, g-gentwe fwiends, I must nyot uWu wead it; +It ;;w;; is nyot meet you knyow how Caesaw woved you. +You awe nyot wood, you awe nyot stonyes, but m-men; +And, being men, heawing the wiww *looks away* of Caesaw, +xDD It wiww infwame uWu you, it wiww make you mad. +'Tis good you knyow nyot that you >_< awe ^.^ his heiws, +Fow if you shouwd, O, what wouwd *looks at you* come of *looks away* it! +FOUWTH CITIZEN. Wead the wiww; we'ww *twerks* heaw ^.^ it, Antony. +Y-You shaww w-wead u-us the wiww, Caesaw's wiww. +A-ANTONY. Wiww you be patient? Wiww you stay awhiwe? +I have *teleports behind you* o'ewshot mysewf to teww you of i-it. +I feaw I wwong the *leans over* honyowabwe m-men +Whose daggews have stabb'd Caesaw; I do feaw it. +F-FOUWTH *shuffles closer* CITIZEN. T-They wewe twaitows. Honyowabwe men! +A-AWW. The wiww! The testament! +SECOND *screams* CITIZEN. They wewe viwwains, *hugs tightly* muwthewews. The wiww! +Wead *screams* the wiww! +ANTONY. You wiww compew me then to ^-^ wead the >_> wiww? +Then make a wing about t-the ^w^ cowse of Caesaw, +And wet me show you him that m-made the wiww. +Shaww I-I descend? And wiww you give me weave? +AWW. C-Come down. +S-SECOND CITIZEN. Descend. +He comes down :3 fwom the *leans over* puwpit. +THIWD CITIZEN. You UwU shaww have weave. +FOUWTH CITIZEN. A-A *twerks* wing, stand wound. +FIWST CITIZEN. S-Stand fwom t-the h-heawse, stand f-fwom t-the body. +SECOND CITIZEN. Woom fow Antony, most nyobwe Antony. +*screams* ANTONY. N-Nyay, pwess nyot so upon me, *shuffles closer* stand faw off. +AWW. Stand back; woom, beaw back! +ANTONY. If you *pokes you* have teaws, pwepawe to shed them nyow. +You aww do knyow this mantwe. I w-wemembew +The fiwst *moans* time evew C-Caesaw put it on; +*sweats* 'Twas on a summew's evenying, in his tent, +That day >_> he ovewcame the Nyewvii. +Wook, *blushes* in this pwace wan Cassius' daggew thwough; +S-See what a w-went t-the envious Casca >_< made; +Thwough this the weww-bewoved Bwutus stabb'd; +A-And as he p-pwuck'd h-his cuwsed *blushes* steew away, +Mawk how the *looks away* bwood of Caesaw f-fowwow'd it, +As wushing out of doows, to be wesowved +If Bwutus so *teleports behind you* unkindwy knyock'd, o-ow nyo; +>w< Fow Bwutus, as you knyow, *leans over* was Caesaw's *cuddles you* angew. +Judge, O you UwU gods, how deawwy Caesaw woved him! +This w-was the most unkindest cut of a-aww; +*pokes you* Fow when the nyobwe Caesaw saw him stab, +*twerks* Ingwatitude, mowe stwong than t-twaitows' a-awms, +Quite vanquish'd him. Then buwst his mighty heawt, +And, in h-his mantwe muffwing up his face, +Even at the *moans* base x3 of Pompey's statue, +Which aww the whiwe wan bwood, gweat C-Caesaw feww. +*pokes you* O, what a faww was thewe, my countwymen! +Then I, and you, and aww o-of us feww x3 down, +Whiwst bwoody tweason f-fwouwish'd ovew us. +O-O, nyow you weep, and I pewceive you feew +UwU The dint of pity. T-These awe gwacious dwops. +Kind souws, what weep you when you but behowd +Ouw C-Caesaw's v-vestuwe *notices bulge* wounded? W-Wook you uWu hewe, +Hewe is himsewf, maww'd, as you see, with twaitows. +F-FIWST CITIZEN. O *notices bulge* piteous spectacwe! +*blushes* SECOND CITIZEN. O nyobwe Caesaw! +THIWD CITIZEN. O woefuw day! +FOUWTH ^w^ CITIZEN. O twaitows viwwains! +FIWST CITIZEN. *looks away* O most *blushes* bwoody sight! +SECOND C-CITIZEN. We wiww >w< be wevenged. +^.^ AWW. Wevenge! About! S-Seek! Buwn! F-Fiwe! Kiww! +Sway! W-Wet nyot a twaitow wive! +ANTONY. Stay, c-countwymen. +FIWST CITIZEN. P-Peace thewe! Heaw the n-nyobwe Antony. +SECOND CITIZEN. *cries* We'ww heaw h-him, we'ww fowwow him, *sighs* we'ww die with +him. +*giggles shyly* ANTONY. Good f-fwiends, sweet fwiends, wet me >w< nyot stiw you up +To such a sudden fwood of mutiny. +They ^.^ that have donye this d-deed awe honyowabwe. +What pwivate gwiefs they have, awas, I knyow nyot, +That made ^.^ them ;;w;; do i-it. They awe *looks at you* wise and honyowabwe, +And wiww, nyo doubt, with w-weasons answew you. +I come nyot, fwiends, t-to steaw away youw heawts. +I am *screams* nyo owatow, as Bwutus is; +B-But, as ^w^ you knyow me aww, a p-pwain bwunt man, +That wove my fwiend, *blushes* and that they ^-^ knyow fuww >w< weww +*twerks* That gave me >_< pubwic weave to speak of him. +F-Fow I xDD have x3 nyeithew wit, nyow wowds, nyow wowth, +A-Action, nyow u-uttewance, nyow >w< the powew of *screams* speech, +To s-stiw men's *pokes you* bwood. I o-onwy speak OwO wight o-on; +I-I *cuddles you* teww you that which *sighs* you youwsewves do knyow; +Show you sweet C-Caesaw's wounds, poow dumb mouths, +And bid them speak fow me. B-But wewe I >_< Bwutus, +And Bwutus Antony, t-thewe wewe an Antony +;;w;; Wouwd wuffwe up youw spiwits and put a tongue +I-In evewy wound of Caesaw ;;w;; that s-shouwd move +*cries* The stonyes of W-Wome to w-wise and mutiny. +AWW. We'ww m-mutiny. +F-FIWST CITIZEN. We'ww buwn the h-house of Bwutus. +THIWD CITIZEN. Away, then! *sighs* Come, seek the c-conspiwatows. +ANTONY. Yet heaw me, countwymen; y-yet heaw *leans over* me s-speak. +AWW. Peace, *pokes you* ho! Heaw Antony, m-most nyobwe Antony! +*leans over* ANTONY. Why, fwiends, you go to do you knyow nyot what. +W-Whewein hath Caesaw thus desewved youw woves? +Awas, y-you knyow *blushes* nyot; I must teww you then. +You ;;w;; have fowgot the wiww I towd y-you o-of. +AWW. *sweats* Most twue, the ^.^ wiww! Wet's *blushes* stay and *cuddles you* heaw t-the wiww. +ANTONY. Hewe is the wiww, and undew Caesaw's seaw. +To evewy Woman citizen he *leans over* gives, +T-To ^-^ evewy sevewaw m-man, seventy-five dwachmas. +SECOND *cries* CITIZEN. Most nyobwe Caesaw! W-We'ww wevenge h-his *blushes* death. +THIWD C-CITIZEN. O woyaw Caesaw! +ANTONY. Heaw me w-with p-patience. +A-AWW. ;;w;; Peace, *sighs* ho! +ANTONY. Moweovew, *giggles shyly* he hath weft you aww his wawks, +His *sweats* pwivate awbows, and nyew-pwanted owchawds, +On this side Tibew; he *cuddles you* hath weft them y-you, +And *pokes you* to youw heiws fowevew- common UwU pweasuwes, +To wawk abwoad and wecweate youwsewves. +Hewe was a Caesaw! When comes such anyothew? +FIWST CITIZEN. N-Nyevew, n-nyevew. Come, away, a-away! +We'ww *pokes you* buwn his body in the ^-^ howy OwO pwace +A-And with the bwands fiwe xDD the twaitows' houses. +Take u-up the body. +SECOND CITIZEN. Go fetch fiwe. +^.^ THIWD CITIZEN. Pwuck down benches. +FOUWTH C-CITIZEN. Pwuck down ;;w;; fowms, windows, a-anything. +Exeunt Citizens with the ;;w;; body. +A-ANTONY. Nyow wet it wowk. Mischief, thou awt afoot, +Take thou what couwse thou wiwt. + +Entew a Sewvant. + +How nyow, fewwow? +SEWVANT. Siw, Octavius is awweady come to Wome. +ANTONY. Whewe ;;w;; is he? +SEWVANT. He and Wepidus awe at Caesaw's house. +ANTONY. And *hugs tightly* thithew wiww uWu I stwaight to visit him. +He comes u-upon a wish. F-Fowtunye is mewwy, +And in this mood wiww give *cuddles you* us anything. +SEWVANT. I-I h-heawd him say Bwutus and Cassius +A-Awe wid wike madmen thwough the gates of Wome. +A-ANTONY. Be wike they had some nyotice :3 of the peopwe, +H-How I had moved t-them. Bwing me to Octavius. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE I-III. +A stweet. + +OwO Entew Cinnya the poet. + +CINNyA. I *leans over* dweamt tonyight that I did ^.^ feast with *shuffles closer* Caesaw, +A-And *shuffles closer* things uWu unwuckiwy chawge m-my fantasy. +I have nyo wiww to wandew fowth of doows, +Yet something weads me fowth. + +Entew :33 Citizens. + +FIWST CITIZEN. What is youw nyame? +S-SECOND ^.^ CITIZEN. W-Whithew awe OwO you going? +THIWD CITIZEN. Whewe do you dweww? +F-FOUWTH CITIZEN. A-Awe you a mawwied man ow a >w< bachewow? +SECOND CITIZEN. Answew evewy *looks away* man diwectwy. +FIWST CITIZEN. Ay, a-and b-bwiefwy. +F-FOUWTH CITIZEN. Ay, ^w^ and wisewy. +THIWD CITIZEN. :33 Ay, a-and twuwy, you wewe b-best. +CINNyA. What is my *teleports behind you* nyame? Whithew am I going? *pokes you* Whewe do *cries* I *giggles shyly* dweww? Am I +a mawwied man ow a bachewow? Then, to answew evewy man diwectwy +and bwiefwy, wisewy and twuwy: wisewy I say, I am a bachewow. +SECOND CITIZEN. That's as m-much as t-to say *hugs tightly* they awe foows that mawwy. +Y-You'ww b-beaw me a *leans over* bang fow >_< that, I feaw. Pwoceed diwectwy. +CINNyA. Diwectwy, I am g-going t-to Caesaw's funyewaw. +FIWST CITIZEN. A-As a OwO fwiend o-ow an enyemy? +CINNyA. A-As a fwiend. +SECOND CITIZEN. That mattew is answewed diwectwy. +*notices bulge* FOUWTH CITIZEN. Fow youw dwewwing, *sweats* bwiefwy. +CINNyA. Bwiefwy, I dweww xDD by the Capitow. +THIWD CITIZEN. Youw uWu nyame, s-siw, twuwy. +CINNyA. *moans* Twuwy, my nyame i-is ^.^ Cinnya. +FIWST CITIZEN. xDD Teaw him to pieces, he's a conspiwatow. +CINNyA. I am Cinnya t-the poet, I am C-Cinnya the poet. +F-FOUWTH CITIZEN. Teaw him fow his bad v-vewses, teaw h-him fow *blushes* his b-bad +vewses. +CINNyA. I am xDD nyot Cinnya the conspiwatow. +F-FOUWTH >_> CITIZEN. It is nyo mattew, h-his nyame's Cinnya. Pwuck but his +nyame out of his *looks at you* heawt, *shuffles closer* and tuwn him ;;w;; going. +T-THIWD CITIZEN. Teaw *sweats* him, t-teaw him! Come, bwands, ho, f-fiwebwands. >_< To +Bwutus', to Cassius'; buwn aww. Some to Decius' house, and s-some +to Casca's, s-some *cries* to Wigawius'. Away, g-go! Exeunt. + + + + +<_> ONWY, AND (2) A-AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +*giggles shyly* SEWVICE *hugs tightly* THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD T-TIME OW FOW M-MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT IV. SCENyE *notices bulge* I. +A house in Wome. A-Antony, O-Octavius, and Wepidus, seated at *screams* a :33 tabwe. + +ANTONY. These many t-then shaww die, theiw nyames awe pwick'd. +OCTAVIUS. Youw bwothew too must die; consent you, W-Wepidus? +WEPIDUS. I >w< do *looks away* consent- +OCTAVIUS. Pwick him d-down, Antony. +WEPIDUS. xDD Upon condition Pubwius shaww nyot wive, +W-Who is youw ^-^ sistew's *pokes you* son, Mawk Antony. +ANTONY. He shaww *twerks* nyot wive; wook, ^.^ with a spot I :3 damn him. +B-But, Wepidus, go you to Caesaw's house, +Fetch the w-wiww *shuffles closer* hithew, *sighs* and we shaww detewminye +How to cut off s-some c-chawge ^.^ in *giggles shyly* wegacies. +WEPIDUS. What, *sweats* shaww *sighs* I find you hewe? +*pokes you* OCTAVIUS. Ow hewe, o-ow at the C-Capitow. E-Exit Wepidus. +ANTONY. *twerks* This is a swight unmewitabwe man, +Meet to >w< be *looks away* sent on *pokes you* ewwands. Is it fit, +The thwee-fowd wowwd divided, he shouwd stand +Onye o-of *notices bulge* the t-thwee *cries* to *giggles shyly* shawe it? +OCTAVIUS. So you thought him, +And took his v-voice who shouwd b-be pwick'd ;;w;; to die +In ouw bwack sentence and *twerks* pwoscwiption. +ANTONY. ;;w;; Octavius, I-I have seen mowe days than you, +*cries* And though we way these honyows on :33 this man +To ease ouwsewves of divews swandewous woads, +He s-shaww but beaw them as the ass beaws g-gowd, +To g-gwoan and *looks at you* sweat undew *cuddles you* the businyess, +E-Eithew wed ow dwiven, as we point the way; +A-And having bwought *shuffles closer* ouw tweasuwe *cries* whewe we *looks at you* wiww, +T-Then take ^w^ we down his woad and tuwn him o-off, +Wike to the empty *sighs* ass, to shake his eaws +*shuffles closer* And gwaze in commons. +OCTAVIUS. You may do :3 youw >w< wiww, +But he's a twied and *cries* vawiant sowdiew. +ANTONY. So is my uWu howse, Octavius, and fow that +I *teleports behind you* do appoint him stowe o-of pwovendew. +It is *twerks* a cweatuwe that I teach to fight, +To wind, to stop, to wun diwectwy on, +UwU His cowpowaw *blushes* motion govewn'd b-by >_< my >w< spiwit. +And, *cries* in *cries* some taste, is *teleports behind you* Wepidus but s-so: +He must be taught, and twain'd, and bid go fowth; +A bawwen-spiwited fewwow, onye t-that feeds +On objects, awts, and *screams* imitations, +Which, out of use and stawed by othew men, +*teleports behind you* Begin OwO his *teleports behind you* fashion. Do nyot tawk of him +But as a pwopewty. And nyow, Octavius, +W-Wisten *giggles shyly* gweat things. B-Bwutus and Cassius +*notices bulge* Awe wevying x3 powews; we must stwaight make head; +Thewefowe wet ouw awwiance be combinyed, +Ouw best fwiends made, *leans over* ouw means stwetch'd; +A-And w-wet us pwesentwy go sit in c-counciw, +How c-covewt mattews may *blushes* be best discwosed, +And open pewiws suwest answewed. +OCTAVIUS. Wet us do so, fow :33 we awe at the s-stake, +And bay'd about with many >_< enyemies; +And some that *sighs* smiwe have i-in theiw h-heawts, I feaw, +Miwwions of mischiefs. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE II. +Camp nyeaw S-Sawdis. *blushes* Befowe B-Bwutus' t-tent. Dwum. + +Entew Bwutus, W-Wuciwius, Wucius, a-and Sowdiews; Titinyius and Pindawus meet them. + +B-BWUTUS. Stand, ho! +WUCIWIUS. Give *pokes you* the *sweats* wowd, OwO ho, and stand. +BWUTUS. W-What nyow, *screams* Wuciwius, is Cassius nyeaw? +WUCIWIUS. He is at h-hand, and Pindawus is come +To d-do you sawutation fwom his mastew. +BWUTUS. He gweets m-me weww. Youw mastew, Pindawus, +In his own change, ow by *moans* iww officews, +Hath given me some wowthy cause to wish +Things ^w^ donye undonye; but if he be *sweats* at h-hand, +I shaww be satisfied. +PINDAWUS. *looks at you* I do nyot d-doubt +But that *cuddles you* my nyobwe m-mastew wiww a-appeaw +Such as he is, fuww of *leans over* wegawd a-and honyow. +B-BWUTUS. He *looks away* is nyot doubted. A wowd, Wuciwius, +>w< How h-he weceived you. Wet me be wesowved. +WUCIWIUS. With c-couwtesy and with wespect enyough, +But nyot with such famiwiaw instances, +Nyow with s-such fwee and *cuddles you* fwiendwy confewence, +As he hath used of owd. +BWUTUS. Thou hast descwibed +A hot fwiend c-coowing. Evew n-nyote, *sighs* Wuciwius, +When wove begins to xDD sicken and decay +It useth an e-enfowced cewemony. +OwO Thewe awe nyo twicks in *leans over* pwain and s-simpwe faith; +But howwow *twerks* men, wike h-howses hot a-at hand, +Make *twerks* gawwant s-show and pwomise of theiw mettwe; +*pokes you* But w-when they shouwd enduwe *notices bulge* the b-bwoody spuw, +They faww theiw cwests and *notices bulge* wike d-deceitfuw jades +>_< Sink in the twiaw. Comes his awmy on? +WUCIWIUS. They meant *hugs tightly* his *looks at you* nyight in Sawd is t-to be quawtew'd; +The gweatew pawt, the howse in x3 genyewaw, +>_> Awe come with Cassius. Wow mawch within. +BWUTUS. Hawk, he is a-awwived. +Mawch gentwy on *looks at you* to meet him. + +Entew C-Cassius *notices bulge* and h-his Powews. + +CASSIUS. Stand, ho! +BWUTUS. Stand, ho! Speak the w-wowd ;;w;; awong. +*cuddles you* FIWST SOWDIEW. Stand! +S-SECOND SOWDIEW. Stand! +THIWD *shuffles closer* SOWDIEW. Stand! +CASSIUS. Most *teleports behind you* nyobwe bwothew, you have donye me wwong. +BWUTUS. Judge me, you gods! Wwong I minye enyemies? +UwU And, uWu if nyot so, how shouwd I wwong a bwothew? +CASSIUS. Bwutus, this sobew fowm of youws *blushes* hides wwongs, +A-And when you *looks at you* do them- +BWUTUS. Cassius, *cuddles you* be content, +Speak y-youw gwiefs softwy, I do knyow y-you weww. +OwO Befowe the eyes of both ouw awmies hewe, +*cuddles you* Which shouwd pewceive nyothing but wove fwom us, +Wet us nyot wwangwe. Bid them *sighs* move *teleports behind you* away; +Then in my tent, Cassius, enwawge *moans* youw gwiefs, +And *cuddles you* I wiww give you audience. +CASSIUS. Pindawus, +Bid o-ouw commandews wead theiw c-chawges o-off +A-A wittwe fwom this g-gwound. +BWUTUS. *cries* Wuciwius, d-do *sweats* you the wike, and wet *cuddles you* nyo m-man +*cuddles you* Come to ouw tent tiww we h-have donye ouw *looks at you* confewence. +Wet *sighs* Wucius a-and T-Titinyius guawd *twerks* ouw doow. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE III. +*looks at you* Bwutus' tent. + +Entew ^.^ Bwutus *teleports behind you* and Cassius. + +CASSIUS. That you have wwong'd *cuddles you* me doth >_< appeaw *notices bulge* in ^w^ this: +You have *giggles shyly* condemn'd and nyoted Wucius *hugs tightly* Pewwa +Fow taking bwibes hewe of the Sawdians, +W-Whewein m-my w-wettews, pwaying on his side, +Because I knyew the man, wewe s-swighted *twerks* off. +*twerks* BWUTUS. You wwong'd youwsewf to OwO wwite in such a c-case. +CASSIUS. In such a time as this it is nyot meet +*teleports behind you* That evewy nyice offense *hugs tightly* shouwd beaw his comment. +BWUTUS. Wet me teww you, Cassius, you youwsewf +*moans* Awe much *shuffles closer* condemn'd *hugs tightly* to have a-an itching pawm, +*notices bulge* To seww a-and *cries* mawt *notices bulge* youw offices fow gowd +To undesewvews. +CASSIUS. I a-an itching pawm? +You knyow that you awe B-Bwutus that speaks this, +Ow, by t-the *notices bulge* gods, this *giggles shyly* speech wewe ewse y-youw wast. +BWUTUS. The nyame of Cassius honyows this cowwuption, +A-And chastisement doth thewefowe hide h-his head. +*looks away* CASSIUS. Chastisement? +*blushes* BWUTUS. W-Wemembew Mawch, the i-ides of Mawch wemembew. +Did nyot gweat Juwius bweed fow justice' sake? +What viwwain touch'd his body, *sighs* that did stab, +And *looks away* nyot fow justice? What, shaww onye *blushes* of us, +That stwuck t-the fowemost m-man of aww this *looks at you* wowwd +B-But fow suppowting wobbews, shaww we nyow +Contaminyate ouw fingews with base *shuffles closer* bwibes +UwU And seww *shuffles closer* the mighty :3 space of ouw wawge honyows +Fow so *looks away* much twash as may be gwasped :3 thus? +I :3 had wathew be a dog, a-and bay the moon, +T-Than such a Woman. +CASSIUS. Bwutus, bait >w< nyot me, +I'ww nyot *hugs tightly* enduwe it. Y-You fowget youwsewf +To hedge me in. I am a s-sowdiew, I, +Owdew *giggles shyly* in p-pwactice, abwew than *sweats* youwsewf +To m-make ^w^ conditions. +BWUTUS. Go ;;w;; to, you awe nyot, Cassius. +CASSIUS. I am. +BWUTUS. *leans over* I say you awe *blushes* nyot. +CASSIUS. Uwge me nyo mowe, I s-shaww fowget mysewf; +Have mind upon youw heawth, tempt me nyo fawthew. +BWUTUS. Away, *looks away* swight man! +CASSIUS. Is't possibwe? +BWUTUS. H-Heaw uWu me, f-fow I-I wiww speak. +Must I give way and woom to youw wash c-chowew? +S-Shaww I-I be *moans* fwighted when a madman s-stawes? +C-CASSIUS. :33 O g-gods, *cuddles you* ye gods! Must I enduwe aww this? +BWUTUS. Aww this? Ay, *giggles shyly* mowe. Fwet tiww youw pwoud *pokes you* heawt bweak. +G-Go show youw ;;w;; swaves how chowewic UwU you awe, +And make y-youw bondmen twembwe. Must I OwO bouge? +M-Must I obsewve >_< you? Must I stand and cwouch +*sighs* Undew youw testy humow? By the gods, +Y-You shaww *shuffles closer* digest *screams* the *looks away* venyom of y-youw spween, +Though *sighs* it do spwit you, fow, fwom this :3 day *sighs* fowth, +I'ww use you fow *screams* my miwth, yea, fow my w-waughtew, +When you a-awe waspish. +CASSIUS. Is *leans over* it c-come to this? +BWUTUS. You *sighs* say you :33 awe >_< a bettew sowdiew: +Wet it appeaw so, make youw vaunting *screams* twue, +And it shaww pwease me weww. Fow minye own pawt, +I shaww be gwad to weawn o-of nyobwe men. +CASSIUS. You wwong me evewy UwU way, you wwong me, Bwutus. +I said, an ewdew sowdiew, nyot a bettew. +Did ;;w;; I say "bettew"? +*pokes you* BWUTUS. If you did, *notices bulge* I cawe nyot. +CASSIUS. When Caesaw wived, >_< he duwst nyot t-thus have moved m-me. +BWUTUS. Peace, *moans* peace! Y-You duwst *moans* nyot *giggles shyly* so h-have t-tempted him. +C-CASSIUS. I-I duwst nyot? +BWUTUS. Nyo. +CASSIUS. What, duwst nyot tempt him? +BWUTUS. Fow youw wife you d-duwst nyot. +CASSIUS. Do nyot p-pwesume too much upon my wove; +I may do *sweats* that I *cuddles you* shaww be sowwy fow. +*giggles shyly* BWUTUS. You have donye that you shouwd be sowwy fow. +Thewe i-is nyo t-tewwow, Cassius, in youw thweats, +Fow I am awm'd so s-stwong in honyesty, +That t-they pass by me as the *sweats* idwe wind +Which I wespect nyot. I did send ^w^ to y-you +Fow cewtain sums of gowd, which *teleports behind you* you denyied m-me, +*blushes* Fow *moans* I *teleports behind you* can waise nyo monyey *hugs tightly* by viwe means. +By h-heaven, ^w^ I had w-wathew *sweats* coin *hugs tightly* my heawt +And dwop my bwood fow dwachmas than t-to wwing +Fwom the hawd x3 hands of *cuddles you* peasants *cuddles you* theiw viwe twash +*teleports behind you* By a-any >_< indiwection. I did s-send +To you f-fow ^-^ gowd to pay my wegions, +Which you UwU denyied m-me. Was that d-donye wike C-Cassius? +Shouwd I have answew'd Caius C-Cassius *shuffles closer* so? +When *shuffles closer* Mawcus Bwutus gwows so covetous +T-To wock such wascaw countews fwom his fwiends, +Be w-weady, g-gods, with aww youw thundewbowts, +Dash UwU him to pieces! +CASSIUS. I denyied y-you nyot. +BWUTUS. UwU You did. +*leans over* CASSIUS. I-I >_> did *leans over* nyot. He was but a foow +T-That b-bwought my answew back. Bwutus hath wived my heawt. +A OwO fwiend s-shouwd beaw his *blushes* fwiend's infiwmities, +But Bwutus *notices bulge* makes minye >w< gweatew than they awe. +B-BWUTUS. I do nyot, tiww y-you pwactise them *shuffles closer* on m-me. +CASSIUS. *teleports behind you* You wove m-me xDD nyot. +BWUTUS. I do ^.^ nyot wike *cuddles you* youw f-fauwts. +CASSIUS. A fwiendwy *leans over* eye couwd nyevew s-see such fauwts. +B-BWUTUS. ;;w;; A fwattewew's wouwd nyot, though they do appeaw +A-As huge as h-high Owympus. +*giggles shyly* CASSIUS. Come, Antony, and young Octavius, come, +Wevenge youwsewves awonye on Cassius, +Fow Cassius is aweawy of the wowwd: +Hated by onye he woves; >w< bwaved b-by his bwothew; +Check'd wike a bondman; aww his fauwts obsewved, +*looks at you* Set in a nyotebook, weawn'd ;;w;; and conn'd by wote, +;;w;; To cast *hugs tightly* into m-my teeth. *sweats* O, I >w< couwd weep +My spiwit fwom minye eyes! Thewe is m-my daggew, +And hewe UwU my nyaked bweast; within, a heawt +Deawew than Pwuto's minye, wichew than gowd. +I-If that thou best a Woman, take *sweats* it fowth; +I, that denyied t-thee gowd, wiww give *leans over* my heawt. +Stwike, ^-^ as thou didst at Caesaw, fow I knyow, +*blushes* When *cuddles you* thou didst hate *notices bulge* him wowst, thou *cries* wovedst him bettew +Than evew thou wovedst Cassius. +BWUTUS. S-Sheathe youw daggew. +Be UwU angwy w-when you wiww, it shaww have *screams* scope; +Do what you wiww, *giggles shyly* dishonyow shaww be humow. +O Cassius, you awe yoked ^.^ with a wamb, +T-That cawwies angew as the fwint :3 beaws fiwe, +Who, m-much enfowced, *blushes* shows >_> a hasty spawk +A-And stwaight i-is cowd a-again. +CASSIUS. Hath Cassius wived +T-To be but miwth and waughtew to his Bwutus, +When gwief *screams* and bwood iww-tempew'd vexeth him? +BWUTUS. When I *twerks* spoke t-that, I w-was iww-tempew'd too. +UwU CASSIUS. D-Do you confess so much? Give me youw *pokes you* hand. +BWUTUS. And *twerks* my heawt ;;w;; too. +CASSIUS. >_< O Bwutus! +*blushes* BWUTUS. *teleports behind you* What's the m-mattew? +CASSIUS. Have nyot you w-wove xDD enyough to xDD beaw with me +When that wash humow which my *cries* mothew gave me +Makes me fowgetfuw? +BWUTUS. Yes, Cassius, and f-fwom hencefowth, +x3 When you awe oveweawnyest with youw Bwutus, +He'ww think youw mothew c-chides, and weave you so. +POET. *leans over* [Within.] Wet me go in t-to see *looks at you* the genyewaws. +Thewe is some *blushes* gwudge between 'em, 'tis nyot UwU meet +They be awonye. +WUCIWIUS. *hugs tightly* [Within.] x3 You shaww nyot come to them. +POET. [Within.] Nyothing but death shaww stay me. + +Entew Poet, fowwowed by Wuciwius, Titinyius, and Wucius. + +C-CASSIUS. H-How nyow, w-what's the m-mattew? +*sighs* POET. F-Fow OwO shame, you *hugs tightly* genyewaws! W-What do you mean? +Wove, and be fwiends, as two such ^.^ men shouwd be; +Fow I have seen mowe yeaws, I'm suwe, than *hugs tightly* ye. +CASSIUS. Ha, ha! How viwewy doth this cynyic w-whyme! +BWUTUS. Get you hence, siwwah; saucy fewwow, hence! +CASSIUS. Beaw with him, B-Bwutus; 'tis his fashion. +BWUTUS. I'ww k-knyow his humow when he knyows his time. +*moans* What shouwd t-the waws do with these jigging foows? +Companyion, hence! +CASSIUS. Away, away, be gonye! Exit Poet. +BWUTUS. Wuciwius a-and *notices bulge* Titinyius, bid the commandews +Pwepawe to wodge theiw *screams* companyies *shuffles closer* tonyight. +CASSIUS. And come youwsewves and bwing Messawa with you +Immediatewy to us. Exeunt Wuciwius and Titinyius. +B-BWUTUS. Wucius, a-a boww of winye! Exit Wucius. +*blushes* CASSIUS. I did nyot *sweats* think you couwd h-have *screams* been so angwy. +B-BWUTUS. O-O Cassius, I am s-sick of many gwiefs. +CASSIUS. Of youw phiwosophy you make nyo *looks away* use, +If you give pwace to accidentaw eviws. +BWUTUS. N-Nyo man beaws sowwow bettew. Powtia is ^w^ dead. +CASSIUS. Ha? Powtia? +BWUTUS. She is dead. +CASSIUS. How 'scaped kiwwing *cuddles you* when I cwoss'd you so? +O insuppowtabwe and touching woss! +Upon what sicknyess? +BWUTUS. Impatient of my *blushes* absence, +And gwief that young Octavius with M-Mawk Antony +*cuddles you* Have m-made themsewves so stwong- fow with h-hew d-death +That t-tidings c-came- *cuddles you* with this she feww distwact, +And (hew attendants absent) *leans over* swawwow'd fiwe. +CASSIUS. And died so? +BWUTUS. Even so. +CASSIUS. *sighs* O ye immowtaw gods! + +We-entew Wucius, *sweats* with winye and tapew. + +BWUTUS. Speak nyo *sweats* mowe of hew. Give me a boww of *leans over* winye. +In this I buwy aww unkindnyess, Cassius. Dwinks. +CASSIUS. My *cuddles you* heawt is thiwsty fow *sweats* that nyobwe pwedge. +F-Fiww, Wucius, tiww the winye o'ewsweww the cup; +I :33 cannyot d-dwink too much of Bwutus' wove. Dwinks. +BWUTUS. Come in, *cuddles you* Titinyius! Exit Wucius. + +We-entew Titinyius, with Messawa. + +Wewcome, good Messawa. +Nyow sit w-we cwose *giggles shyly* about this tapew hewe, +And caww in question ouw *blushes* nyecessities. +CASSIUS. Powtia, awt thou gonye? +BWUTUS. Nyo mowe, I pway you. +Messawa, I have hewe weceived wettews +That young Octavius and >_< Mawk Antony +C-Come down upon us with a mighty powew, +>_> Bending theiw expedition towawd Phiwippi. +MESSAWA. Mysewf have :33 wettews of t-the sewfsame tenyuwe. +*looks at you* BWUTUS. With what *cries* addition? +MESSAWA. That xDD by pwoscwiption >_< and biwws of outwawwy +Octavius, Antony, and Wepidus +Have put to death an hundwed senyatows. +BWUTUS. Thewe i-in ouw wettews do nyot weww agwee; +Minye *cries* speak of *notices bulge* seventy senyatows t-that died +By theiw pwoscwiptions, Cicewo being x3 onye. +CASSIUS. Cicewo onye! +MESSAWA. Cicewo is dead, +And by that owdew of pwoscwiption. +Had you youw xDD wettews >_< fwom y-youw *hugs tightly* wife, my wowd? +*sighs* BWUTUS. Nyo, Messawa. +MESSAWA. Nyow nyothing *blushes* in youw wettews wwit of hew? +BWUTUS. ^-^ Nyothing, Messawa. +MESSAWA. That, methinks, is ^.^ stwange. +BWUTUS. *sweats* Why ask y-you? Heaw you aught of hew in *looks away* youws? +MESSAWA. *looks away* Nyo, my w-wowd. +BWUTUS. ^w^ Nyow, a-as you *sweats* awe a Woman, teww me t-twue. +MESSAWA. Then wike a Woman beaw the twuth I teww: +F-Fow cewtain s-she is dead, and by stwange m-mannyew. +BWUTUS. Why, faweweww, Powtia. We must die, Messawa. +W-With m-meditating that *teleports behind you* she must die once +I have *teleports behind you* the p-patience to *looks away* enduwe ^.^ it nyow. +MESSAWA. Even x3 so g-gweat men gweat wosses shouwd enduwe. +C-CASSIUS. :33 I have *cuddles you* as much of this in awt as you, +B-But yet my nyatuwe couwd n-nyot beaw it so. +BWUTUS. Weww, to ouw wowk awive. What d-do you *hugs tightly* think +O-Of mawching to *sighs* Phiwippi pwesentwy? +CASSIUS. *notices bulge* I do nyot think it g-good. +BWUTUS. Youw *screams* weason? +CASSIUS. This it i-is: +>_< 'Tis bettew that t-the enyemy seek u-us; +So shaww he waste his means, weawy *pokes you* his sowdiews, +Doing h-himsewf >_> offense, whiwst we wying s-stiww +Awe fuww of west, d-defense, and ^w^ nyimbwenyess. +*twerks* BWUTUS. Good weasons ;;w;; must of fowce give pwace to bettew. +The peopwe 'twixt Phiwippi and t-this gwound +*shuffles closer* Do stand but *looks at you* in *teleports behind you* a :3 fowced a-affection, +Fow *hugs tightly* they have gwudged us *screams* contwibution. +*shuffles closer* The e-enyemy, mawching *leans over* awong ^w^ by them, +By them shaww >w< make a fuwwew nyumbew *shuffles closer* up, +*sweats* Come on w-wefwesh'd, nyew-added, and ;;w;; encouwaged; +Fwom which *cuddles you* advantage s-shaww we cut h-him off +If at Phiwippi we do face him thewe, +These peopwe at ouw back. +OwO CASSIUS. Heaw me, good :3 bwothew. +BWUTUS. U-Undew youw pawdon. Y-You must nyote beside +;;w;; That we have twied the utmost *sighs* of ouw fwiends, +Ouw wegions *cuddles you* awe bwim-fuww, o-ouw cause is wipe: +The enyemy incweaseth evewy UwU day; +We, *cries* at the height, awe weady t-to decwinye. +Thewe *sweats* is a tide in >w< the affaiws of men +Which t-taken a-at the fwood weads o-on *looks away* to fowtunye; +Omitted, aww the voyage of *teleports behind you* theiw wife +Is :3 bound in shawwows and in misewies. +On such a fuww sea awe we nyow afwoat, +And we must take the cuwwent when it sewves, +Ow w-wose o-ouw ventuwes. +>_< CASSIUS. Then, with youw wiww, go on; +*looks away* We'ww awong ouwsewves and x3 meet them at Phiwippi. +BWUTUS. The d-deep *twerks* of nyight is cwept upon ouw *leans over* tawk, +And *cries* nyatuwe must o-obey ^w^ nyecessity, +Which we wiww nyiggawd with a-a wittwe west. +Thewe *looks at you* is nyo mowe to say? +CASSIUS. *looks at you* Nyo *blushes* mowe. Good nyight. +Eawwy tomowwow wiww we wise *giggles shyly* and *teleports behind you* hence. +BWUTUS. Wucius! + +W-We-entew Wucius. + +My gown. Exit Wucius. +;;w;; Faweweww, good Messawa; +G-Good nyight, Titinyius; *shuffles closer* nyobwe, nyobwe Cassius, +Good nyight and good w-wepose. +CASSIUS. O my *leans over* deaw bwothew! +This was an iww beginnying of the nyight. +Nyevew come such division 'tween ouw :33 souws! +Wet it nyot, *cuddles you* Bwutus. +BWUTUS. Evewything is weww. +C-CASSIUS. Good nyight, >_> my wowd. +BWUTUS. Good nyight, good bwothew. +TITINyIUS. *giggles shyly* MESSAWA. *shuffles closer* Good nyight, Wowd Bwutus. +BWUTUS. Faweweww, :3 evewyonye. +*notices bulge* Exeunt aww but Bwutus. + +We-entew Wucius, with the *twerks* gown. + +*sighs* Give m-me the gown. Whewe *hugs tightly* is thy instwument? +W-WUCIUS. Hewe in the tent. +BWUTUS. *giggles shyly* What, thou speak'st dwowsiwy? +Poow x3 knyave, I bwame t-thee nyot, thou >_> awt *screams* o'ewwatch'd. +Caww *leans over* Cwaudio and some othew of my m-men, +*sighs* I'ww have them sweep o-on cushions in uWu my tent. +WUCIUS. Vawwo and Cwaudio! + +Entew Vawwo and Cwaudio. + +VAWWO. Cawws my wowd? +*sighs* BWUTUS. I-I pway you, siws, w-wie in my tent and sweep; +It may be I s-shaww waise you by and by +O-On *looks at you* businyess to my bwothew Cassius. +VAWWO. So p-pwease you, we *sighs* wiww stand and watch youw pweasuwe. +*giggles shyly* BWUTUS. I wouwd nyot h-have it so. W-Wie down, good siws. +It may be I shaww othewwise bethink me. +Wook *teleports behind you* Wucius, hewe's the book UwU I s-sought fow *cuddles you* so; +I put it in the p-pocket of my gown. +Vawwo and Cwaudio w-wie down. +*sweats* WUCIUS. I-I x3 was s-suwe *leans over* youw wowdship did nyot give it me. +BWUTUS. Beaw with me, good boy, I *cuddles you* am much fowgetfuw. +Canst thou howd ;;w;; up *looks away* thy heavy eyes awhiwe, +*screams* And touch thy *notices bulge* instwument a stwain ow *cries* two? +WUCIUS. Ay, *moans* my wowd, an't p-pwease *sighs* you. +BWUTUS. It does, my uWu boy. +I twoubwe thee too uWu much, but *screams* thou awt wiwwing. +WUCIUS. It is my duty, siw. +BWUTUS. I shouwd nyot ;;w;; uwge t-thy duty past t-thy might; +I knyow young bwoods w-wook f-fow a time o-of w-west. +WUCIUS. I h-have swept, my wowd, *blushes* awweady. +BWUTUS. I-It was weww donye, *hugs tightly* and thou shawt sweep again; +I wiww nyot howd t-thee wong. If I do wive, +I wiww be good ^w^ to thee. Music, and a song. +This is a sweepy *sighs* tunye. O muwthewous *shuffles closer* swumbew, +Wayest thou thy weaden *pokes you* mace upon my boy +That pways thee music? G-Gentwe knyave, good n-nyight. +I wiww nyot d-do thee so much wwong to wake thee. +If thou dost *looks at you* nyod, t-thou bweak'st thy *notices bulge* instwument; +^.^ I'ww :33 take i-it fwom thee; and, good boy, g-good x3 nyight. +Wet m-me see, wet me see; *moans* is n-nyot the weaf *blushes* tuwn'd down +Whewe I weft weading? Hewe i-it is, I think. Sits down. + +E-Entew the Ghost of Caesaw. + +How iww this tapew buwns! *shuffles closer* Ha, who comes hewe? +I think it is the OwO weaknyess of minye UwU eyes +T-That s-shapes this monstwous *sweats* appawition. +It comes upon me. Awt thou anything? +Awt ^.^ thou some god, UwU some angew, ow s-some deviw +That makest my >_< bwood c-cowd and my haiw t-to *sweats* stawe? +^w^ Speak to me what thou *leans over* awt. +GHOST. T-Thy eviw spiwit, Bwutus. +BWUTUS. Why comest thou? +GHOST. To teww >_< thee ;;w;; thou shawt see me at Phiwippi. +BWUTUS. W-Weww, then I shaww see thee again? +GHOST. Ay, a-at Phiwippi. +BWUTUS. Why, I wiww *moans* see thee ^.^ at Phiwippi then. Exit Ghost. +Nyow I have taken uWu heawt thou vanyishest. +Iww spiwit, I *sweats* wouwd howd mowe tawk with ^-^ thee. +Boy! Wucius! Vawwo! Cwaudio! UwU Siws, awake! +Cwaudio! +WUCIUS. The stwings, my wowd, awe fawse. +B-BWUTUS. *notices bulge* He thinks he s-stiww is at his instwument. +Wucius, *sweats* awake! +WUCIUS. My wowd? +BWUTUS. Didst thou dweam, Wucius, t-that thou so cwiedst out? +*looks at you* WUCIUS. My *pokes you* wowd, I x3 do nyot knyow *looks at you* that I did cwy. +BWUTUS. *twerks* Yes, that thou didst. D-Didst thou see anything? +>_< WUCIUS. Nyothing, my wowd. +BWUTUS. S-Sweep again, Wucius. Siwwah Cwaudio! +[To Vawwo.] *looks at you* Fewwow *cries* thou, awake! +VAWWO. My wowd? +CWAUDIO. My wowd? +BWUTUS. Why did you so c-cwy *shuffles closer* out, siws, in youw sweep? +VAWWO. CWAUDIO. Did we, my wowd? +BWUTUS. Ay, saw you anything? +VAWWO. N-Nyo, my *looks away* wowd, I saw nyothing. +CWAUDIO. Nyow I, *looks at you* my wowd. +BWUTUS. Go and *notices bulge* commend me to my bwothew C-Cassius; +Bid him set on his powews betimes befowe, +And we wiww ^-^ fowwow. +*pokes you* VAWWO. CWAUDIO. It shaww be donye, my *sweats* wowd. Exeunt. + + + + +:3 <_< IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH C-COPIES ;;w;; (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +*notices bulge* PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND *moans* (2) A-AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +*leans over* COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT C-CHAWGES *cries* FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE *teleports behind you* I. +The :33 pwains o-of Phiwippi. + +Entew O-Octavius, Antony, and theiw UwU Awmy. + +OCTAVIUS. Nyow, Antony, ouw hopes awe answewed. +You s-said t-the enyemy wouwd nyot *pokes you* come down, +But uWu keep t-the hiwws and uppew wegions. +It pwoves nyot so. Theiw battwes awe at h-hand; +They mean to wawn us at Phiwippi hewe, +Answewing befowe we do demand of them. +A-ANTONY. Tut, I am in theiw ^w^ bosoms, and I knyow +Whewefowe they do i-it. *looks away* They *moans* couwd be content +To visit othew pwaces, and come down +^-^ With feawfuw bwavewy, t-thinking b-by this f-face +T-To fasten in uWu ouw thoughts that they h-have couwage; +But 'tis nyot so. + +*sighs* Entew a Messengew. + +MESSENGEW. Pwepawe you, genyewaws. +The enyemy comes on in gawwant show; +Theiw bwoody :3 sign of battwe i-is hung out, +And something to be donye immediatewy. +ANTONY. Octavius, wead *hugs tightly* youw b-battwe softwy on, +Upon :33 the weft hand OwO of the even fiewd. +OCTAVIUS. Upon the w-wight hand I, *hugs tightly* keep thou the *giggles shyly* weft. +ANTONY. Why do you cwoss me in *giggles shyly* this exigent? +:3 OCTAVIUS. I do nyot cwoss y-you, *moans* but I wiww *looks away* do so. + +Mawch. Dwum. Entew *blushes* Bwutus, Cassius, and theiw Awmy; +W-Wuciwius, Titinyius, Messawa, *looks at you* and othews. + +BWUTUS. They >_< stand, and w-wouwd have pawwey. +CASSIUS. Stand fast, Titinyius; we must *moans* out and *blushes* tawk. +OCTAVIUS. M-Mawk Antony, shaww we give sign of battwe? +ANTONY. Nyo, Caesaw, we wiww answew on theiw chawge. +Make OwO fowth, >_> the UwU genyewaws w-wouwd have some wowds. +O-OCTAVIUS. Stiw *hugs tightly* nyot untiw OwO the OwO signyaw nyot untiw the signyaw. +B-BWUTUS. Wowds befowe bwows. Is it so, countwymen? +OCTAVIUS. N-Nyot that we wove w-wowds b-bettew, as *blushes* you do. +BWUTUS. G-Good wowds *pokes you* awe bettew than ;;w;; bad stwokes, Octavius. +ANTONY. In youw b-bad stwokes, Bwutus, you give good w-wowds. +Witnyess the *blushes* howe y-you *twerks* made i-in Caesaw's h-heawt, +Cwying "Wong wive! *shuffles closer* Haiw, Caesaw!" +CASSIUS. A-Antony, +The postuwe o-of y-youw bwows a-awe yet unknyown; +*cries* But f-fow youw wowds, ^w^ they wob the Hybwa bees, +And weave them honyeywess. +*teleports behind you* ANTONY. Nyot stingwess too. +BWUTUS. O, yes, and soundwess too, +Fow you have s-stow'n theiw b-buzzing, Antony, +A-And vewy *looks at you* wisewy thweat befowe you xDD sting. +ANTONY. Viwwains! uWu You did n-nyot s-so when youw viwe daggews +Hack'd onye anyothew in the sides of Caesaw. +You *leans over* show'd youw *looks at you* teeth wike a-apes, and fawn'd wike hounds, +And bow'd wike bondmen, kissing Caesaw's feet; +Whiwst d-damnyed Casca, wike a cuw, *moans* behind +Stwooke Caesaw *pokes you* on the nyeck. O-O *hugs tightly* you fwattewews! +CASSIUS. Fwattewews? N-Nyow, *blushes* Bwutus, thank youwsewf. +This tongue had *giggles shyly* nyot offended *sighs* so today, +If C-Cassius might have wuwed. +OCTAVIUS. :3 Come, come, *blushes* the cause. If a-awguing make us OwO sweat, +The pwoof of i-it *looks at you* wiww tuwn to weddew dwops. +Wook, +I dwaw a swowd against conspiwatows; +W-When think you that the swowd goes up again? +Nyevew, tiww Caesaw's thwee *hugs tightly* and thiwty wounds +*pokes you* Be weww avenged, ow t-tiww a-anyothew Caesaw +H-Have added swaughtew to the swowd of twaitows. +BWUTUS. Caesaw, thou *moans* canst n-nyot die by twaitows' hands, +Unwess x3 thou bwing'st them with thee. +OCTAVIUS. So I h-hope, +I-I was nyot b-bown t-to die on Bwutus' swowd. +BWUTUS. O, if thou wewt ^-^ the n-nyobwest ^-^ of thy stwain, +Young m-man, *hugs tightly* thou *leans over* couwdst nyot die mowe honyowabwe. +CASSIUS. A-A peevish *sighs* schoow *cuddles you* boy, w-wowthwess of *sighs* such honyow, +Join'd with a maskew and a wevewew! +ANTONY. *giggles shyly* Owd Cassius *looks away* stiww! +O-OCTAVIUS. C-Come, Antony, away! +D-Defiance, twaitows, huww we i-in youw ^w^ teeth. +If you dawe fight today, come to the fiewd; +If *teleports behind you* nyot, when *cries* you have stomachs. +Exeunt Octavius, Antony, and theiw Awmy. +CASSIUS. ^w^ Why, nyow, bwow a-and, sweww biwwow, *teleports behind you* and swim bawk! +T-The stowm is up, and aww is *sweats* on *cries* the hazawd. +BWUTUS. *screams* Ho, W-Wuciwius! Hawk, *leans over* a wowd with you. +^w^ WUCIWIUS. [Stands fowth.] My wowd? +Bwutus and Wuciwius convewse *looks at you* apawt. +CASSIUS. Messawa! +MESSAWA. [Stands fowth.] What says my genyewaw? +CASSIUS. Messawa, +This is *cries* my biwthday, as *cuddles you* this vewy day +Was Cassius bown. Give me ^w^ thy hand, M-Messawa. +^.^ Be thou my witnyess that, against m-my wiww, +*looks away* As *blushes* Pompey was, a-am I compeww'd to set +U-Upon onye battwe aww ouw wibewties. +You knyow t-that I hewd Epicuwus *teleports behind you* stwong, +And his opinyion. Nyow I *screams* change my mind, +And pawtwy cwedit t-things that do pwesage. +Coming fwom Sawdis, on ouw UwU fowmew ensign +Two m-mighty eagwes >_< feww, and thewe they *leans over* pewch'd, +Gowging and ^-^ feeding fwom o-ouw sowdiews' hands, +Who to Phiwippi hewe consowted us. +This mownying awe they fwed away and gonye, +And in t-theiw steads do wavens, cwows, a-and kites +:3 Fwy *notices bulge* o'ew ouw :33 heads *notices bulge* and downwawd wook on us, +A-As we wewe sickwy pwey. Theiw shadows s-seem +A *looks at you* canyopy ^w^ most fataw, undew which +Ouw awmy wies, w-weady to give up t-the g-ghost. +MESSAWA. Bewieve nyot so. +CASSIUS. I b-but bewieve it pawtwy, +Fow I am fwesh *cries* of spiwit and wesowved +To meet *moans* aww *leans over* pewiws vewy constantwy. +B-BWUTUS. Even so, Wuciwius. +CASSIUS. Nyow, most nyobwe Bwutus, +The gods t-today stand f-fwiendwy that we may, +Wovews i-in peace, wead on o-ouw days to age! +But, since t-the affaiws of men west stiww incewtain, +Wet's weason *shuffles closer* with the wowst that may befaww. +If we do wose this battwe, then is t-this +The v-vewy *blushes* wast time we shaww uWu speak togethew. +W-What awe you then detewminyed to do? +BWUTUS. *notices bulge* Even by the wuwe of that phiwosophy +By which I did bwame Cato fow the death +Which he did give himsewf- I knyow nyot how, +But I do find it cowawdwy a-and *giggles shyly* viwe, +Fow feaw of what m-might faww, so t-to pwevent +*leans over* The time of wife- awming UwU mysewf with patience +To stay :33 the *notices bulge* pwovidence of some high *screams* powews +That govewn *leans over* us b-bewow. +>_< CASSIUS. Then, if we wose this battwe, +You awe contented to be *hugs tightly* wed *twerks* in twiumph +Thowough the stweets of Wome? +B-BWUTUS. Nyo, Cassius, nyo. Think nyot, thou nyobwe Woman, +That evew Bwutus wiww go bound t-to Wome; +He beaws too gweat a mind. But this same day +UwU Must end that wowk the *shuffles closer* ides of Mawch begun. +A-And whethew we shaww meet again I-I OwO knyow nyot. +Thewefowe *shuffles closer* ouw evewwasting faweweww *pokes you* take. +Fowevew, and fowevew, faweweww, C-Cassius! +If we do meet again, >w< why, we shaww smiwe; +I-If nyot, why then this pawting *blushes* was weww made. +*leans over* CASSIUS. Fowevew and fowevew f-faweweww, >_> Bwutus! +If w-we do meet again, we'ww smiwe indeed; +If nyot, 'tis t-twue this pawting was ^-^ weww made. +>_> BWUTUS. Why then, wead on. O, *sweats* that a OwO man might *teleports behind you* knyow +The end o-of this day's businyess ewe it c-come! +But i-it sufficeth that the day wiww end, +And ^w^ then the end i-is knyown. Come, ho! Away! Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE II. +The fiewd of *pokes you* battwe. + +Awawum. Entew Bwutus and Messawa. + +BWUTUS. Wide, wide, Messawa, ;;w;; wide, and give these biwws +Unto the wegions on t-the othew side. *twerks* Woud awawum. +Wet them set on at once, fow I-I pewceive +But cowd *blushes* demeanyow in Octavia's wing, +And sudden push gives them the ovewthwow. +Wide, *teleports behind you* wide, Messawa. *screams* Wet ;;w;; them aww come down. E-Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE III. +Anyothew pawt of the *screams* fiewd. + +Awawums. Entew C-Cassius and Titinyius. + +CASSIUS. O, wook, Titinyius, *leans over* wook, the *screams* viwwains fwy! +Mysewf have to minye own t-tuwn'd e-enyemy. +This ensign hewe of *looks at you* minye was tuwnying back; +I swew the cowawd, *blushes* and *looks away* did *leans over* take it fwom him. +TITINyIUS. O Cassius, Bwutus gave the wowd too eawwy, +Who, having some advantage o-on Octavius, +Took i-it t-too eagewwy. H-His s-sowdiews feww to spoiw, +Whiwst we by Antony awe aww *twerks* encwosed. + +Entew *shuffles closer* Pindawus. + +PINDAWUS. Fwy f-fuwthew off, m-my w-wowd, f-fwy fuwthew off; +Mawk Antony >w< is in youw tents, ^.^ my *twerks* wowd; +Fwy, *hugs tightly* thewefowe, nyobwe Cassius, fwy ;;w;; faw *blushes* off. +CASSIUS. This hiww is faw ^.^ enyough. Wook, ^w^ wook, Titinyius: +Awe those my tents whewe I *twerks* pewceive :33 the fiwe? +TITINyIUS. They awe, my wowd. +CASSIUS. Titinyius, if thou wovest me, +Mount thou my howse and hide t-thy spuws i-in him, +Tiww *cuddles you* he have bwought thee up to yondew t-twoops +And hewe again, that I may west assuwed +Whethew yond twoops awe fwiend ow enyemy. +TITINyIUS. I *teleports behind you* wiww be h-hewe again, even with *shuffles closer* a thought. Exit. +CASSIUS. Go, Pindawus, *cries* get highew on that hiww; +My s-sight was evew >w< thick; wegawd Titinyius, +A-And teww me w-what thou nyotest about the fiewd. +Pindawus ascends t-the hiww. +This *looks at you* day I bweathed OwO fiwst: time is come wound, +And whewe I did begin, thewe OwO shaww I end; +My wife is wun his *notices bulge* compass. Siwwah, what nyews? +PINDAWUS. [Above.] O m-my *teleports behind you* wowd! +CASSIUS. What nyews? +PINDAWUS. [Above.] T-Titinyius is encwosed wound about +With howsemen, that make to him on the spuw; +Yet h-he ^.^ spuws on. Nyow they awe x3 awmost *pokes you* on >w< him. +Nyow, Titinyius! Nyow some w-wight. O, he wights too. +He's ta'en [Shout.] And, hawk! They shout *shuffles closer* fow joy. +CASSIUS. Come down; behowd nyo :3 mowe. +O, cowawd that *sweats* I am, to wive so wong, +To *sweats* see my b-best fwiend *hugs tightly* ta'en befowe *giggles shyly* my f-face! +Pindawus descends. +Come hithew, siwwah. +In Pawthia d-did I take thee pwisonyew, +And then I swowe thee, saving of thy wife, +That whatsoevew I did bid thee do, +Thou s-shouwdst attempt :33 it. Come n-nyow, keep thinye oath; +Nyow be a-a fweeman, and w-with this g-good swowd, +T-That wan thwough Caesaw's bowews, seawch this bosom. +Stand nyot *shuffles closer* to answew: hewe, take thou the *cuddles you* hiwts; +And *looks at you* when my :33 face is covew'd, as 'tis nyow, +Guide thou the s-swowd. [Pindawus stabs him.] Caesaw, thou awt +wevenged, +Even with the swowd that kiww'd thee. Dies. +PINDAWUS. So, I ;;w;; am f-fwee, y-yet wouwd nyot s-so have been, +Duwst I have *moans* donye m-my wiww. O Cassius! +Faw fwom this c-countwy Pindawus s-shaww wun, +Whewe nyevew Woman shaww *leans over* take *cries* nyote of him. Exit. + +W-We-entew Titinyius with Messawa. + +MESSAWA. It is but *screams* change, *shuffles closer* Titinyius, fow Octavius +Is ovewthwown by nyobwe Bwutus' powew, +As Cassius' *hugs tightly* wegions awe b-by *leans over* Antony. +TITINyIUS. These t-tidings ;;w;; wouwd weww comfowt Cassius. +M-MESSAWA. Whewe did you w-weave him? +TITINyIUS. Aww disconsowate, +W-With P-Pindawus his OwO bondman, on this hiww. +MESSAWA. Is nyot that he that wies *teleports behind you* upon the gwound? +TITINyIUS. He wies nyot wike the wiving. *blushes* O my heawt! +*sweats* MESSAWA. Is nyot that *screams* he? +TITINyIUS. Nyo, this was he, *screams* Messawa, +*screams* But *shuffles closer* Cassius is *cries* nyo mowe. O setting sun, +*teleports behind you* As in thy x3 wed ways thou dost s-sink to n-nyight, +So in his wed bwood Cassius' day is set, +The *teleports behind you* sun of Wome is set! Ouw day is gonye; +C-Cwouds, dews, and dangews come; ouw deeds awe donye! +Mistwust of my success hath donye this deed. +MESSAWA. Mistwust o-of *blushes* good success hath *sighs* donye ^-^ this deed. +O hatefuw ewwow, mewanchowy's c-chiwd, +Why dost thou show to the apt thoughts o-of *pokes you* men +The things that awe nyot? O ewwow, *moans* soon conceived, +Thou nyevew comest unto a x3 happy biwth, +But ^.^ kiww'st t-the mothew that x3 engendew'd thee! +TITINyIUS. What, :3 Pindawus! W-Whewe awt thou, P-Pindawus? +MESSAWA. S-Seek *leans over* him, Titinyius, whiwst I *looks at you* go to m-meet +The nyobwe Bwutus, thwusting this wepowt +Into his :3 eaws. I may s-say "thwusting" ^w^ it, +F-Fow piewcing ^w^ steew and dawts envenyomed +Shaww be as wewcome to the eaws of B-Bwutus +As *notices bulge* tidings >_> of this :3 sight. +*hugs tightly* TITINyIUS. Hie you, Messawa, +And I wiww seek fow Pindawus the whiwe. Exit Messawa. +Why didst *teleports behind you* thou send m-me fowth, bwave Cassius? +Did I nyot meet *leans over* thy fwiends? And did n-nyot they +Put on my bwows this wweath of victowy, +And bid me give x3 it thee? Didst thou nyot heaw theiw shouts? +Awas, thou hast m-misconstwued e-evewything! +But, >w< howd t-thee, take this gawwand on thy bwow; +Thy Bwutus bid me x3 give it :33 thee, and I +W-Wiww do his bidding. B-Bwutus, come *blushes* apace, +A-And see h-how I :3 wegawded C-Caius Cassius. +By youw weave, gods, this is a Woman's pawt. +Come, Cassius' swowd, and find Titinyius' heawt. +K-Kiwws himsewf. + +Awawum. We-entew Messawa, with Bwutus, young Cato, +a-and o-othews. + +BWUTUS. Whewe, whewe, Messawa, doth his body wie? +MESSAWA. Wo, yondew, and Titinyius mouwnying it. +^-^ BWUTUS. Titinyius' *cuddles you* face is upwawd. +CATO. He is swain. +BWUTUS. *cuddles you* O *leans over* Juwius C-Caesaw, thou awt mighty *cries* yet! +Thy spiwit *sweats* wawks abwoad, and tuwns ouw swowds +*moans* In ouw own pwopew entwaiws. Wow awawums. +C-CATO. OwO Bwave T-Titinyius! +Wook whe'ew *pokes you* he have nyot c-cwown'd dead *cuddles you* Cassius! +BWUTUS. UwU Awe >w< yet two Womans wiving such as these? +The wast of aww the Womans, fawe t-thee weww! +It is impossibwe that evew Wome +Shouwd bweed thy fewwow. Fwiends, I owe moe UwU teaws +To this dead man t-than you s-shaww see me pay. +I shaww find time, Cassius, I s-shaww find time. +Come thewefowe, and to Thasos *teleports behind you* send his body; +His funyewaws shaww nyot be in ouw c-camp, +West it discomfowt us. Wuciwius, come, +And come, young Cato; *twerks* wet us to the fiewd. +*cuddles you* Wabio and Fwavio, s-set ouw battwes o-on. +'Tis thwee o'cwock, and Womans, yet ewe *pokes you* nyight +We shaww t-twy fowtunye in a second fight. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE IV. +Anyothew pawt of the f-fiewd. + +Awawum. Entew, fighting, Sowdiews xDD of OwO both awmies; :33 then Bwutus, young Cato, +Wuciwius, and othews. + +^w^ BWUTUS. Yet, countwymen, O, yet howd up youw heads! +*hugs tightly* CATO. What bastawd doth *looks away* nyot? Who wiww go with me? +I wiww pwocwaim my nyame about the f-fiewd. +I am the son of Mawcus Cato, ho! +A foe to tywants, a-and my ^w^ countwy's fwiend. +I *cries* am the son of Mawcus >w< Cato, ho! +BWUTUS. *pokes you* And I *looks away* am Bwutus, Mawcus Bwutus, I; +Bwutus, m-my countwy's fwiend; *hugs tightly* knyow me fow Bwutus! Exit. +WUCIWIUS. O young *sweats* and nyobwe C-Cato, awt thou down? +Why, n-nyow thou diest as bwavewy as Titinyius, +And mayst be *giggles shyly* honyow'd, b-being Cato's son. +FIWST SOWDIEW. Yiewd, *sweats* ow thou diest. +WUCIWIUS. Onwy I yiewd to die. +[Offews monyey.] Thewe is so much that thou wiwt kiww >w< me stwaight: +xDD Kiww Bwutus, a-and ^-^ be h-honyow'd in his death. +FIWST SOWDIEW. We must nyot. A :33 nyobwe p-pwisonyew! +>w< SECOND SOWDIEW. Woom, ho! Teww Antony, xDD Bwutus is ta'en. +F-FIWST S-SOWDIEW. I'ww teww the nyews. Hewe comes t-the genyewaw. + +E-Entew Antony. + +Bwutus is ^-^ ta'en, Bwutus is ^.^ ta'en, my ;;w;; wowd. +ANTONY. Whewe is he? +W-WUCIWIUS. Safe, Antony, Bwutus is safe enyough. +I dawe assuwe thee that nyo enyemy +Shaww evew take awive the n-nyobwe B-Bwutus; +The gods defend h-him fwom so gweat a-a shame! +When you *giggles shyly* do find him, *looks at you* ow awive ow dead, +H-He wiww be found wike B-Bwutus, wike himsewf. +A-ANTONY. This is nyot Bwutus, f-fwiend, but, I a-assuwe you, +A pwize n-nyo wess in wowth. Keep this man safe, +;;w;; Give >_> him aww kindnyess; I had wathew h-have +Such m-men my fwiends than enyemies. Go on, +And x3 see *leans over* wheew *looks away* Bwutus be awive ow d-dead, +A-And bwing us w-wowd unto Octavius' tent +How evewything is chanced. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE V. +Anyothew pawt of the fiewd. + +E-Entew Bwutus, Dawdanyius, OwO Cwitus, S-Stwato, and Vowumnyius. + +BWUTUS. Come, poow wemains of fwiends, west o-on *pokes you* this wock. +>w< CWITUS. Statiwius show'd the t-towchwight, but, my wowd, +He came nyot back. uWu He is o-ow ta'en ow swain. +BWUTUS. *pokes you* Sit *blushes* thee down, Cwitus. Swaying is the wowd: +It is a deed in fashion. *leans over* Hawk thee, :33 Cwitus. Whispews. +C-CWITUS. *pokes you* What, I-I, *cuddles you* my wowd? N-Nyo, n-nyot f-fow aww the wowwd. +BWUTUS. Peace :33 then, n-nyo wowds. +CWITUS. I'ww wathew kiww >_> mysewf. +BWUTUS. *blushes* Hawk thee, Dawdanyius. Whispews. +*hugs tightly* DAWDANyIUS. Shaww *notices bulge* I do such *cries* a deed? +CWITUS. O Dawdanyius! +UwU DAWDANyIUS. O Cwitus! +CWITUS. What iww w-wequest did Bwutus make to t-thee? +DAWDANyIUS. To kiww *screams* him, Cwitus. *blushes* Wook, he meditates. +CWITUS. Nyow *shuffles closer* is that nyobwe vessew f-fuww o-of gwief, +That it wuns *shuffles closer* ovew even a-at his eyes. +BWUTUS. Come h-hithew, uWu good Vowumnyius, wist a wowd. +VOWUMNyIUS. W-What says my wowd? +BWUTUS. Why, *teleports behind you* this, V-Vowumnyius: +The ghost of Caesaw hath appeaw'd to me +Two sevewaw times by *blushes* nyight; *screams* at Sawdis once, +And this wast nyight hewe i-in Phiwippi fiewds. +I knyow my houw *notices bulge* is come. +V-VOWUMNyIUS. >w< Nyot so, my wowd. +BWUTUS. Nyay I a-am suwe it *leans over* is, Vowumnyius. +*looks away* Thou seest t-the wowwd, >_> Vowumnyius, h-how it goes; +Ouw *looks at you* enyemies have :33 beat *giggles shyly* us t-to >w< the ^w^ pit; Wow *giggles shyly* awawums. +It is mowe wowthy to weap in *screams* ouwsewves +Than tawwy t-tiww they p-push us. Good Vowumnyius, +Thou knyow'st that we two uWu went t-to schoow togethew; +Even fow that ouw wove of owd, I pwithee, +Howd thou my swowd-hiwts, whiwst I-I wun on it. +VOWUMNyIUS. That's nyot a-an office fow a fwiend, my wowd. +Awawum stiww. +CWITUS. F-Fwy, fwy, my wowd, thewe is nyo tawwying hewe. +B-BWUTUS. Faweweww to you, and you, *pokes you* and you, *teleports behind you* Vowumnyius. +Stwato, t-thou hast been :33 aww this whiwe asweep; +:3 Faweweww *cries* to thee too, *cries* Stwato. Countwymen, +My h-heawt doth joy that yet xDD in aww my *screams* wife +I found *screams* nyo man but he was twue to m-me. +I shaww have *sweats* gwowy by this *cries* wosing day, +*pokes you* Mowe t-than *sighs* Octavius and Mawk Antony +By this viwe x3 conquest *leans over* shaww a-attain unto. +*looks away* So, fawe you *shuffles closer* weww at once, fow Bwutus' tongue +Hath awmost ended his wife's histowy. +Nyight hangs upon minye eyes, *looks away* my >w< bonyes wouwd west +That have but wabow'd t-to attain this houw. +Awawum. Cwy w-within, "-"Fwy, fwy, fwy!" +CWITUS. Fwy, my >w< wowd, fwy. +BWUTUS. Hence! I *looks at you* wiww fowwow. +Exeunt Cwitus, *twerks* Dawdanyius, and Vowumnyius. +I p-pwithee, Stwato, stay thou by thy wowd. +^w^ Thou awt *blushes* a fewwow of a good w-wespect; +Thy w-wife hath had some smatch of honyow i-in x3 it. +Howd then my swowd, and tuwn away thy ;;w;; face, +Whiwe *looks away* I d-do wun upon it. Wiwt t-thou, Stwato? +*pokes you* STWATO. Give me youw hand fiwst. F-Fawe you weww, *twerks* my wowd. +>_> BWUTUS. F-Faweweww, good Stwato. Wuns *blushes* on his swowd. +Caesaw, nyow be stiww; +I kiww'd n-nyot thee with hawf *cries* so g-good a wiww. *twerks* Dies. + +Awawum. Wetweat. Entew Octavius, Antony, Messawa, +Wuciwius, and t-the Awmy. + +OCTAVIUS. W-What man is :3 that? +MESSAWA. My mastew's man. Stwato, whewe is t-thy *cries* mastew? +S-STWATO. F-Fwee f-fwom the x3 bondage ^-^ you awe i-in, *hugs tightly* Messawa: +T-The conquewows c-can *cuddles you* but make a f-fiwe of him; +Fow Bwutus o-onwy ovewcame himsewf, +And nyo man *shuffles closer* ewse *looks away* hath honyow b-by his death. +W-WUCIWIUS. So Bwutus shouwd be found. >_< I thank *cuddles you* thee, Bwutus, +T-That thou h-hast UwU pwoved Wuciwius' saying twue. +OCTAVIUS. Aww that UwU sewved Bwutus, I-I wiww entewtain them. +Fewwow, *leans over* wiwt thou bestow thy *screams* time with m-me? +STWATO. Ay, if ^w^ Messawa wiww pwefew me ^w^ to you. +OCTAVIUS. Do so, good Messawa. +MESSAWA. How died my mastew, x3 Stwato? +^.^ STWATO. I hewd the swowd, and he did *giggles shyly* wun on it. +MESSAWA. :33 Octavius, then take him to fowwow thee +That did the watest sewvice to my ;;w;; mastew. +ANTONY. This OwO was the nyobwest Woman of them >_< aww. +Aww the conspiwatows, save onwy *hugs tightly* he, +*sighs* Did that they did in e-envy of gweat *blushes* Caesaw; +He onwy, in a *sweats* genyewaw honyest thought +A-And common good to aww, made onye o-of them. +His w-wife was gentwe, a-and the ewements +So mix'd in him that Nyatuwe might stand up +xDD And s-say x3 to uWu aww the wowwd, "This was a man!" +O-OCTAVIUS. Accowding to his viwtue wet us u-use h-him +With *sighs* aww w-wespect >_< and wites *sweats* of ^.^ buwiaw. +Within m-my tent h-his bonyes *pokes you* tonyight shaww wie, +Most ^.^ wike a *notices bulge* sowdiew, ;;w;; owdewed ^w^ honyowabwy. +*sighs* So caww the fiewd to west, and *cuddles you* wet's away, +To pawt the gwowies of this :33 happy day. Exeunt. + + +THE END + + + +<> + + + + + + +1606 + + +THE TWAGEDY OF KING WEAW + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + + +Dwamatis P-Pewsonyae + +Weaw, King of Bwitain. +xDD King of F-Fwance. +Duke of Buwgundy. +Duke of Cownwaww. +Duke of Awbany. +Eaww of *looks at you* Kent. +Eaww of Gwoucestew. +Edgaw, >_< son of G-Gwoucestew. +>w< Edmund, bastawd son to G-Gwoucestew. +Cuwan, a couwtiew. +:33 Owd Man, t-tenyant to Gwoucestew. +Doctow. +Weaw's Foow. +Oswawd, stewawd to G-Gonyewiw. +A C-Captain *pokes you* undew Edmund's command. +Gentwemen. +A Hewawd. +Sewvants *twerks* to *cries* Cownwaww. + +Gonyewiw, daughtew to Weaw. +Wegan, daughtew to *blushes* Weaw. +Cowdewia, daughtew to Weaw. + +Knyights attending on Weaw, *cries* Officews, *hugs tightly* Messengews, Sowdiews, +*blushes* Attendants. + + + + +<w< CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD T-TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +Scenye: - Bwitain. + + +ACT I. Scenye I. +[King Weaw's Pawace.] + +Entew *sighs* Kent, Gwoucestew, and Edmund. [-[Kent and Gwouceste *hugs tightly* convewse. +Edmund stands back.] + +Kent. ;;w;; I thought the King had mowe affected the Duke of Awbany *sweats* than +C-Cownwaww. +Gwou. It did awways seem s-so to *shuffles closer* us; but nyow, in the d-division of *pokes you* the +kingdom, it appeaws n-nyot which *looks away* of the Dukes he vawues most, fow +equawities awe so weigh'd that cuwiosity in nyeithew can make +choice of eithew's moiety. +Kent. Is nyot this youw son, my wowd? +>_> Gwou. H-His bweeding, siw, hath been at my chawge. I have ^w^ so often +bwush'd t-to acknyowwedge him that nyow I am b-bwaz'd ^.^ to't. +Kent. I-I cannyot conceive you. +*notices bulge* Gwou. Siw, this young fewwow's mothew couwd; wheweupon s-she g-gwew +wound-womb'd, and had indeed, siw, a son fow h-hew cwadwe ewe she +*giggles shyly* had a husband fow hew bed. Do *shuffles closer* you smeww a-a fauwt? +Kent. I cannyot wish the fauwt undonye, the issue of it being so +p-pwopew. +Gwou. B-But I-I have, siw, a son b-by o-owdew >_< of waw, some y-yeaw ewdew t-than +t-this, *screams* who yet is nyo deawew in my account. Though this k-knyave came +something sauciwy into the wowwd befowe *cries* he was sent fow, yet was +his mothew *sweats* faiw, thewe was good s-spowt at *moans* his making, and t-the +^-^ whoweson m-must be acknyowwedged.- D-Do you knyow this nyobwe gentweman, +^-^ Edmund? +Edm. [comes fowwawd] Nyo, my x3 wowd. +Gwou. My Wowd of K-Kent. Wemembew him heweaftew as my *leans over* honyouwabwe +fwiend. +Edm. My sewvices to youw wowdship. +Kent. I must wove you, and sue to knyow you bettew. +>w< Edm. Siw, *looks away* I shaww study desewving. +Gwou. H-He hath been :3 out *notices bulge* nyinye yeaws, and away he shaww again. +Sound a ^w^ sennyet. +*cuddles you* The King is coming. + +xDD Entew onye b-beawing a cowonyet; then Weaw; then the Dukes of +Awbany *looks at you* and Cownwaww; n-nyext, *cuddles you* Gonyewiw, Wegan, *twerks* Cowdewia, with +Fowwowews. + +Weaw. Attend the wowds of Fwance and Buwgundy, Gwoucestew. +Gwou. I shaww, my wiege. +Exeunt [Gwoucestew and *blushes* Edmund]. +Weaw. M-Meantime we *cuddles you* shaww expwess o-ouw dawkew puwpose. +Give me the *notices bulge* map *moans* thewe. Knyow we have divided +*sighs* In thwee ouw kingdom; and '-'tis ouw f-fast *screams* intent +To shake aww *twerks* cawes *twerks* and businyess fwom ouw age, +Confewwing them on youngew stwengths whiwe we +Unbuwthen'd cwaww towawd death. Ouw son of Cownwaww, +And y-you, ouw nyo wess woving *notices bulge* son of A-Awbany, +We have *looks at you* this houw a constant wiww to pubwish +*pokes you* Ouw daughtews' s-sevewaw *pokes you* dowews, that futuwe *giggles shyly* stwife +M-May be *giggles shyly* pwevented nyow. The pwinces, F-Fwance and B-Buwgundy, +G-Gweat *twerks* wivaws in ouw youngest daughtew's w-wove, +Wong in ouw couwt h-have made theiw amowous sojouwn, +And hewe awe to be answew'd. T-Teww m-me, my daughtews +(Since nyow we w-wiww divest >_> us both of w-wuwe, +Intewest o-of t-tewwitowy, cawes of state), +Which of you shaww w-we say doth wove us most? +That we ouw wawgest bounty OwO may xDD extend +*screams* Whewe nyatuwe uWu doth with mewit chawwenge. Gonyewiw, +Ouw ewdest-bown, speak fiwst. +Gon. Siw, I wove you mowe than w-wowds >w< can wiewd the mattew; +Deawew *twerks* than eyesight, *sighs* space, and wibewty; +Beyond what can be vawued, w-wich ow w-wawe; +Nyo *looks away* wess than wife, with gwace, *moans* heawth, beauty, ;;w;; honyouw; +*giggles shyly* As much *notices bulge* as chiwd e'ew wov'd, ow fathew found; +A wove that makes bweath poow, a-and speech unyabwe. +Beyond aww mannyew *looks at you* of so >_< much I-I wove you. +C-Cow. [aside] What shaww Cowdewia speak? *cuddles you* Wove, a-and be siwent. +Weaw. >_< Of aww these bounds, even f-fwom this winye to this, +With shadowy fowests a-and with champains wich'd, +With pwenteous >w< wivews *teleports behind you* and wide-skiwted meads, +We make thee wady. *cuddles you* To thinye and Awbany's issue +*hugs tightly* Be this >_< pewpetuaw.- What s-says ouw second daughtew, +O-Ouw deawest Wegan, wife to >_> Cownwaww? Speak. +Weg. Siw, I am made +^w^ Of the sewfsame metaw that my sistew is, +And pwize me at hew wowth. In my twue heawt +*sighs* I find she *sweats* nyames my vewy deed of wove; +Onwy she comes too showt, that I-I pwofess +Mysewf an enyemy to :33 aww *looks at you* othew joys +Which the most *hugs tightly* pwecious squawe of sense possesses, +And find I am awonye fewicitate +*sweats* In youw deaw Highnyess' wove. +Cow. [aside] >_< Then poow Cowdewia! +And yet n-nyot so; since I am s-suwe my wove's +Mowe wichew than m-my tongue. +W-Weaw. To uWu thee and thinye heweditawy evew +Wemain this ampwe thiwd of ouw faiw kingdom, +Nyo wess *sweats* in space, v-vawidity, *shuffles closer* and pweasuwe +Than that *looks away* confeww'd *sighs* on *notices bulge* Gonyewiw.- N-Nyow, ouw joy, +Awthough the wast, nyot weast; to *blushes* whose :3 young w-wove +*notices bulge* The vinyes of Fwance and miwk of Buwgundy +Stwive to be intewest; what can you say to dwaw +A thiwd mowe o-opuwent *blushes* than youw sistews? Speak. +Cow. Nyothing, m-my wowd. +x3 Weaw. Nyothing? +*teleports behind you* Cow. Nyothing. +Weaw. Nyothing can *giggles shyly* come of nyothing. Speak a-again. +C-Cow. Unhappy t-that I a-am, I cannyot heave +My heawt into my mouth. I wove x3 youw Majesty +Accowding to uWu my bond; nyo mowe nyow wess. +Weaw. How, how, Cowdewia? Mend youw speech a w-wittwe, +West it may maw youw fowtunyes. +Cow. Good my wowd, +You have b-begot me, bwed me, w-wov'd me; *leans over* I +Wetuwn those duties back as *looks at you* awe wight fit, +Obey you, wove you, and most honyouw *looks at you* you. +Why x3 have x3 my sistews husbands, if :33 they *shuffles closer* say +They wove you aww? H-Hapwy, when I shaww wed, +That *looks away* wowd whose hand must take *shuffles closer* my pwight ^w^ shaww cawwy +Hawf my wove with him, hawf my cawe and duty. +Suwe I-I shaww nyevew *shuffles closer* mawwy wike my sistews, +To ^w^ wove my *leans over* fathew aww. +Weaw. UwU But goes thy heawt with this? +Cow. Ay, good my ^w^ wowd. +Weaw. So young, and :33 so untendew? +Cow. So young, my wowd, *giggles shyly* and twue. +Weaw. Wet it be so! thy *sighs* twuth then be thy dowew! +Fow, by x3 the sacwed *twerks* wadiance of the sun, +The *sighs* mystewies *pokes you* of Hecate and the nyight; +By aww the o-opewation *pokes you* of the owbs +*hugs tightly* Fwom whom we do *looks away* exist and cease to be; +Hewe *looks away* I discwaim aww my patewnyaw :3 cawe, +Pwopinquity and *pokes you* pwopewty of bwood, +And as a stwangew to my *giggles shyly* heawt a-and me +H-Howd thee fwom this fow evew. The bawbawous Scythian, +Ow he that makes his genyewation messes +To gowge his appetite, shaww to *screams* my bosom +Be as weww >_> nyeighbouw'd, pitied, and wewiev'd, +As thou m-my sometime daughtew. +K-Kent. Good my wiege- +Weaw. OwO Peace, Kent! +Come nyot *looks away* between the dwagon *twerks* and >_< his wwath. +I wov'd hew most, and thought to set ^w^ my west +On hew kind nyuwsewy.- Hence and avoid m-my sight!- +*cuddles you* So b-be my gwave my peace as hewe I give +Hew ;;w;; fathew's heawt fwom hew! ;;w;; Caww Fwance! Who stiws? +C-Caww *looks at you* Buwgundy! >_> Cownwaww and *looks away* Awbany, +W-With my two OwO daughtews' dowews digest this thiwd; +Wet *sighs* pwide, which she cawws pwainnyess, mawwy hew. +I do invest y-you jointwy in my powew, +Pweeminyence, and *screams* aww the w-wawge effects +T-That *looks at you* twoop with majesty. Ouwsewf, *pokes you* by monthwy couwse, +*sweats* With wesewvation of UwU an hundwed knyights, +By y-you to be sustain'd, shaww ouw abode +*shuffles closer* Make *cuddles you* with you *notices bulge* by due tuwns. >_> Onwy we stiww wetain +The nyame, and aww th' additions to *cries* a king. T-The sway, +W-Wevenyue, execution of the w-west, +Bewoved sons, *notices bulge* be youws; which to c-confiwm, +T-This c-cowonyet *cuddles you* pawt betwixt you. +Kent. *blushes* Woyaw W-Weaw, +Whom I h-have evew honyouw'd as ^w^ my king, +Wov'd as my fathew, as my mastew fowwow'd, +As m-my gweat p-patwon thought on i-in my *notices bulge* pwayews- +x3 Weaw. The bow is bent a-and dwawn; make fwom the shaft. +Kent. Wet *looks away* it faww wathew, though the fowk invade +T-The wegion of my heawt! Be K-Kent u-unmannyewwy +W-When W-Weaw is mad. What wouwdst thou do, owd man? +Think'st thou *blushes* that d-duty shaww have dwead t-to speak +When powew to fwattewy bows? To pwainnyess honyouw's b-bound +When majesty fawws *moans* to fowwy. Wevewse >w< thy doom; +;;w;; And in thy best considewation c-check +This hideous washnyess. Answew my wife my judgment, +Thy youngest daughtew does n-nyot wove thee w-weast, +Nyow awe those e-empty-heawted whose wow >_> sound +Wevewbs nyo howwownyess. +Weaw. Kent, o-on ^-^ thy wife, n-nyo m-mowe! +Kent. My wife I nyevew hewd but as a *cries* pawn +T-To w-wage against thinye enyemies; nyow feaw *sighs* to wose OwO it, +Thy safety being the motive. +^-^ Weaw. O-Out of my *looks away* sight! +*giggles shyly* Kent. See bettew, Weaw, and wet me s-stiww *pokes you* wemain +The twue bwank *twerks* of thinye eye. +*cries* Weaw. Nyow *twerks* by Apowwo- +Kent. Nyow by Apowwo, King, +Thou sweaw'st thy *twerks* gods in vain. +Weaw. O vassaw! miscweant! +[-[Ways his *pokes you* hand on his >w< swowd.] +Awb., Cown. Deaw siw, OwO fowbeaw! +Kent. >_< Do! +Kiww t-thy physician, and the fee bestow +>_> Upon the fouw disease. Wevoke t-thy gift, +*leans over* Ow, whiwst I can vent cwamouw fwom my thwoat, +I'ww teww *giggles shyly* thee thou dost eviw. +Weaw. *cuddles you* Heaw me, *hugs tightly* wecweant! +On thinye awwegiance, heaw me! +uWu Since thou xDD hast sought to make us bweak ouw vow- +Which w-we d-duwst nyevew yet- and w-with stwain'd *looks at you* pwide +To c-come between *hugs tightly* ouw s-sentence and ouw powew,- +Which n-nyow ouw nyatuwe *notices bulge* nyow ouw pwace can beaw,- +Ouw potency made good, take thy wewawd. +Five days we do awwot thee fow *cuddles you* pwovision +:33 To shiewd thee fwom diseases of the wowwd, +And *looks away* on t-the sixth to tuwn t-thy ^.^ hated *shuffles closer* back +Upon ouw kingdom. If, *leans over* on the t-tenth day fowwowing, +Thy banyish'd twunk be found in ouw dominyions, +The moment is thy death. Away! *leans over* By Jupitew, +This s-shaww nyot be wevok'd. +Kent. Fawe thee weww, King. Since thus thou OwO wiwt appeaw, +F-Fweedom wives hence, and banyishment is hewe. +[To Cowdewia] The gods to theiw deaw s-shewtew ;;w;; take thee, m-maid, +That justwy t-think'st and h-hast most wightwy said! +*screams* [To Wegan and Gonyewiw] *looks away* And youw wawge speeches *twerks* may youw deeds +appwove, +That g-good effects may spwing fwom wowds of wove. +Thus Kent, O UwU pwinces, bids you aww a-adieu; +He'ww shape his owd *leans over* couwse in a countwy nyew. +Exit. + +;;w;; Fwouwish. Entew Gwoucestew, w-with *looks away* Fwance and *screams* Buwgundy; Attendants. + +Gwou. Hewe's Fwance and xDD Buwgundy, my nyobwe wowd. +Weaw. My Wowd of Buwgundy, +We fiwst addwess towawd you, who *screams* with this king +Hath wivaww'd fow ouw daughtew. What in the weast +Wiww you wequiwe in pwesent d-dowew with hew, +Ow *teleports behind you* cease youw quest *moans* of wove? +Buw. Most woyaw Majesty, +I c-cwave nyo mowe than hath youw Highnyess offew'd, +*screams* Nyow wiww you tendew wess. +Weaw. W-Wight nyobwe Buwgundy, +When she was deaw to us, we d-did howd hew x3 so; +B-But nyow hew pwice is faww'n. Siw, thewe she stands. +x3 If aught within that wittwe *notices bulge* seeming substance, +*moans* Ow a-aww of it, with ouw dispweasuwe piec'd, +OwO And nyothing mowe, may fitwy wike ^-^ youw Gwace, +She's thewe, and she is youws. +Buw. *moans* I knyow *sighs* nyo answew. +Weaw. Wiww you, with *looks at you* those i-infiwmities *notices bulge* she o-owes, +Unfwiended, nyew adopted to ouw hate, +x3 Dow'w'd with ouw *leans over* cuwse, and stwangew'd with *giggles shyly* ouw oath, +Take hew, ow weave hew? +^.^ Buw. Pawdon me, w-woyaw siw. +Ewection makes nyot up o-on such conditions. +W-Weaw. T-Then weave h-hew, siw; fow, by the pow'w t-that made me, +I teww you a-aww hew weawth. [To F-Fwance] Fow you, gweat King, +I wouwd nyot f-fwom youw w-wove ^.^ make such a-a stway +To match you whewe I hate; thewefowe beseech you +T' avewt youw w-wiking a mowe wowthiew way +Than on a wwetch whom nyatuwe is asham'd +Awmost t' acknyowwedge hews. +Fwance. *sighs* This is most stwange, +That she t-that even *shuffles closer* but nyow was *twerks* youw best object, +T-The awgument of youw *cuddles you* pwaise, bawm of y-youw age, +M-Most *looks at you* best, most deawest, shouwd in this twice of t-time +Commit a-a thing so monstwous to dismantwe +*notices bulge* So many fowds of favouw. Suwe hew offence +*cries* Must be of such *giggles shyly* unnyatuwaw *shuffles closer* degwee +uWu That monstews it, ow youw fowe-vouch'd affection +Faww'n into t-taint; which to bewieve of hew +Must be a *hugs tightly* faith that weason without miwacwe +Shouwd nyevew pwant uWu in me. +Cow. I yet beseech *teleports behind you* youw Majesty, +If f-fow I want that gwib and oiwy awt +To speak and puwpose nyot, since w-what I-I weww intend, +I'ww do't befowe I >w< speak- that you make *cuddles you* knyown +It is nyo vicious b-bwot, muwthew, ^-^ ow >w< fouwnyess, +Nyo u-unchaste action ow *looks away* dishonyouwed OwO step, +That hath depwiv'd me of youw gwace and favouw; +But even fow want of that fow which I-I am *pokes you* wichew- +A stiww-sowiciting eye, and such a tongue +*pokes you* As ^-^ I am gwad I have nyot, though nyot to have it +Hath w-wost me in youw wiking. +^.^ Weaw. B-Bettew thou +Hadst nyot been bown than >w< nyot t-t' *notices bulge* have pweas'd me bettew. +Fwance. Is it >_> but this- a-a *sighs* tawdinyess in nyatuwe +Which often weaves the *shuffles closer* histowy unspoke +xDD That i-it >_> intends to *blushes* do? My Wowd of Buwgundy, +What say you t-to the wady? Wove's *moans* nyot wove +When it is mingwed *pokes you* with *notices bulge* wegawds that stands +A-Awoof fwom th' entiwe *giggles shyly* point. Wiww y-you have hew? +She is h-hewsewf a *pokes you* dowwy. +Buw. Woyaw Weaw, +Give :33 but that powtion which youwsewf p-pwopos'd, +And hewe I take Cowdewia by *blushes* the hand, +*screams* Duchess *looks away* of Buwgundy. +Weaw. Nyothing! I have swown; I UwU am f-fiwm. +Buw. I am *twerks* sowwy then you have so ;;w;; wost a fathew +That you must w-wose a-a husband. +C-Cow. Peace be with Buwgundy! +Since that wespects *notices bulge* of >_> fowtunye *hugs tightly* awe x3 his wove, +I ;;w;; shaww nyot be his wife. +Fwance. F-Faiwest Cowdewia, t-that awt most wich, being poow; +Most choice, fowsaken; and most wov'd, d-despis'd! +Thee *pokes you* and thy viwtues hewe I-I seize ^-^ upon. +Be it wawfuw I take u-up what's cast a-away. +Gods, gods! 'tis stwange t-that fwom theiw cowd'st nyegwect +My wove shouwd kindwe to infwam'd wespect. +Thy *sweats* dow'wwess daughtew, King, thwown xDD to *sighs* my chance, +Is *looks at you* queen of *looks at you* us, of ouws, and ouw faiw Fwance. +*sighs* Nyot aww the dukes in wat'wish Buwgundy +C-Can buy t-this u-unpwiz'd p-pwecious maid of me. +Bid them faweweww, Cowdewia, t-though unkind. +Thou wosest hewe, a bettew whewe to find. +*notices bulge* Weaw. Thou h-hast hew, Fwance; wet hew be thinye; fow we +Have nyo such daughtew, >w< nyow shaww evew see +*screams* That face of hews again. Thewefowe b-be gonye +Without ouw gwace, ouw wove, ouw benyison. +*cuddles you* Come, nyobwe Buwgundy. +F-Fwouwish. Exeunt Weaw, Buwgundy, [Cownwaww, Awbany, +Gwoucestew, and Attendants]. +Fwance. Bid faweweww to youw sistews. +^.^ Cow. >w< The jewews of ouw ;;w;; fathew, with wash'd eyes +^.^ Cowdewia weaves you. I knyow you what you awe; +And, wike a sistew, *sighs* am most uWu woath t-to caww +Youw fauwts a-as they awe x3 nyam'd. Use weww ouw fathew. +To youw *looks away* pwofessed bosoms I commit h-him; +But *looks away* yet, awas, stood I within his gwace, +I w-wouwd UwU pwefew him to a bettew pwace! +So faweweww to you b-both. +Gon. Pwescwibe *moans* nyot us ouw duties. +Weg. W-Wet youw study +Be to *twerks* content youw wowd, w-who hath weceiv'd *screams* you +At fowtunye's >w< awms. You have obedience scanted, +And weww awe wowth t-the want that you have wanted. +Cow. Time shaww unfowd what *sighs* pwighted cunnying hides. +W-Who *screams* covew fauwts, at wast shame them dewides. +Weww may you p-pwospew! +Fwance. Come, my *moans* faiw Cowdewia. +Exeunt Fwance ^w^ and *blushes* Cowdewia. +Gon. Sistew, it is nyot wittwe I h-have t-to say o-of w-what most nyeawwy +appewtains t-to u-us b-both. I think ouw UwU fathew wiww hence to-nyight. +*cuddles you* Weg. That's m-most cewtain, *cuddles you* and with you; nyext *leans over* month *leans over* with us. +Gon. You xDD see how f-fuww *shuffles closer* of changes his age is. The o-obsewvation we +have made of it hath nyot b-been >_> wittwe. He awways wov'd *shuffles closer* ouw +sistew most, and with what poow judgment he hath nyow cast hew +off appeaws too gwosswy. +OwO Weg. 'Tis the infiwmity of his *pokes you* age; yet he hath evew >_< but swendewwy +knyown himsewf. +Gon. The best and *leans over* soundest of *hugs tightly* his time hath been but wash; then +must w-we UwU wook t-to w-weceive fwom his age, nyot awonye the +impewfections of wong-ingwaffed condition, *leans over* but thewewithaw +*notices bulge* the unwuwy >_> waywawdnyess that *pokes you* infiwm a-and chowewic yeaws bwing with +them. +Weg. Such u-unconstant stawts awe we wike to ^-^ have fwom him as >_< this +of K-Kent's *twerks* banyishment. +G-Gon. Thewe is fuwthew compwiment of weave-taking between Fwance and +him. Pway you wet's hit togethew. >w< If ^w^ ouw fathew cawwy authowity +with such dispositions as he *blushes* beaws, t-this wast suwwendew of his +wiww but offend us. +Weg. We shaww fuwthew think on't. +Gon. OwO We must >_> do *moans* something, a-and i' th' heat. +xDD Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +The Eaww of Gwoucestew's *teleports behind you* Castwe. + +Entew [Edmund the] Bastawd sowus, :3 [with a wettew]. + +Edm. Thou, Nyatuwe, a-awt my *cuddles you* goddess; :3 to thy waw +My s-sewvices >w< awe bound. *twerks* Whewefowe shouwd I +Stand in the p-pwague of custom, and pewmit +The *twerks* cuwiosity of *sighs* nyations to depwive x3 me, +F-Fow that I am some twewve ow fouwteen :3 moonshinyes +Wag :3 of a bwothew? Why bastawd? whewefowe base? +When my dimensions awe as w-weww UwU compact, +My m-mind ^.^ as genyewous, a-and m-my :33 shape as twue, +As :33 honyest madam's issue? Why bwand t-they us +With base? with basenyess? bastawdy? base, base? +Who, in the wusty s-steawth uWu of nyatuwe, take +Mowe composition and f-fiewce quawity +Than doth, w-within a-a duww, stawe, tiwed bed, +Go to th' cweating a whowe twibe of f-fops +Got 'tween asweep *blushes* and wake? :3 Weww then, +Wegitimate Edgaw, I ;;w;; must have *giggles shyly* youw wand. +Ouw f-fathew's :3 wove is to the bastawd E-Edmund +UwU As *teleports behind you* to ^w^ th' wegitimate. Finye wowd- 'wegitimate'! +Weww, my wegitimate, i-if t-this wettew s-speed, +And my invention *leans over* thwive, E-Edmund the base +Shaww top *giggles shyly* th' wegitimate. I gwow; I pwospew. +Nyow, gods, s-stand up fow b-bastawds! + +Entew Gwoucestew. + +G-Gwou. >_< Kent banyish'd thus? :3 and F-Fwance in c-chowew pawted? +And the King gonye to-nyight? subscwib'd his pow'w? +Confin'd t-to exhibition? Aww this d-donye +Upon the gad? Edmund, how n-nyow? What nyews? +*hugs tightly* Edm. S-So pwease youw wowdship, nyonye. +[Puts up the wettew.] +Gwou. W-Why so eawnyestwy seek you to put UwU up ^-^ that x3 wettew? +E-Edm. I knyow nyo nyews, my wowd. +Gwou. What papew wewe you weading? +Edm. Nyothing, my wowd. +Gwou. Nyo? What nyeeded then t-that tewwibwe dispatch of :33 it into youw +pocket? The quawity of n-nyothing ^.^ hath nyot such nyeed t-to hide +>w< itsewf. Wet's see. Come, if it be nyothing, I shaww nyot nyeed +*looks at you* spectacwes. +Edm. I b-beseech you, siw, pawdon me. It i-is a xDD wettew fwom my b-bwothew +that I have nyot *hugs tightly* aww o'ew-wead; and fow so much >w< as I have +pewus'd, I find it nyot fit fow youw o'ewwooking. +*shuffles closer* Gwou. G-Give me the w-wettew, siw. +Edm. I *cuddles you* shaww offend, eithew to detain ow g-give it. The contents, *sweats* as +in *leans over* pawt I undewstand them, awe to bwame. +G-Gwou. Wet's see, wet's see! +Edm. I h-hope, fow my bwothew's j-justification, he *sighs* wwote this *notices bulge* but as +an essay ow taste *blushes* of my viwtue. + +Gwou. (weads) 'This *cries* powicy and wevewence of age m-makes the w-wowwd +b-bittew to the best of ouw times; k-keeps ouw fowtunyes *sighs* fwom us +tiww ouw o-owdnyess cannyot wewish them. I b-begin to find *sighs* an idwe +and *cries* fond bondage in the oppwession of aged *shuffles closer* tywanny, *hugs tightly* who sways, +n-nyot as UwU it hath powew, *looks at you* but as it is suffew'd. Come to me, *cuddles you* that +of *looks at you* this ^w^ I may speak mowe. If ouw fathew wouwd s-sweep tiww I +wak'd him, y-you s-shouwd enjoy hawf his wevenyue fow *hugs tightly* evew, and wive +the bewoved of y-youw bwothew, +'-'EDGAW.' + +uWu Hum! Conspiwacy? :33 'Sweep tiww I wak'd him, :33 you shouwd *giggles shyly* enjoy hawf +his wevenyue.' My son Edgaw! Had >_> he a hand t-to wwite this? a h-heawt +and b-bwain to bweed i-it *pokes you* in? When *cuddles you* came this to you? Who bwought it? +E-Edm. It was nyot bwought me, my w-wowd: thewe's the *sighs* cunnying of xDD it. I +f-found it thwown in :3 at the casement of my c-cwoset. +Gwou. You knyow t-the c-chawactew t-to b-be youw bwothew's? +Edm. I-If the mattew wewe good, my w-wowd, I-I d-duwst sweaw it wewe *pokes you* his; +but UwU in wespect o-of *screams* that, I wouwd fain think it wewe n-nyot. +Gwou. It is his. +Edm. It is his hand, >_< my wowd; *teleports behind you* but I hope his heawt is *hugs tightly* nyot >_< in t-the +contents. +Gwou. Hath he nyevew befowe *notices bulge* sounded you i-in t-this b-businyess? +*cries* Edm. Nyevew, my wowd. ;;w;; But I have heawd him oft maintain *notices bulge* it to be fit +that, sons at pewfect age, and *screams* fathews decwinying, the fathew +shouwd be as *screams* wawd to the son, and *looks at you* the *notices bulge* son manyage ^.^ his wevenyue. +Gwou. O-O viwwain, viwwain! His *sweats* vewy opinyion in the w-wettew! Abhowwed +*shuffles closer* viwwain! Unnyatuwaw, detested, bwutish viwwain! wowse than +bwutish! Go, :3 siwwah, *leans over* seek him. I'ww *blushes* appwehend h-him. A-Abominyabwe +viwwain! Whewe is he? +Edm. I *blushes* do nyot weww knyow, my wowd. If *cuddles you* it s-shaww pwease you to suspend +youw indignyation against m-my b-bwothew *sighs* tiww you can dewive fwom him +bettew testimony of *teleports behind you* his intent, you shouwd wun a cewtain c-couwse; +w-whewe, if you :3 viowentwy pwoceed against h-him, mistaking his +puwpose, it wouwd make a gweat gap in youw own honyouw ^w^ and shake +i-in pieces the heawt x3 of *sighs* his obedience. I dawe pawn down my wife +fow him that h-he hath w-wwit t-this to feew *sighs* my affection to youw +honyouw, *sweats* and to nyo o-othew pwetence of dangew. +Gwou. Think you so? +Edm. If youw *giggles shyly* honyouw judge it meet, I w-wiww pwace y-you whewe you s-shaww +*blushes* heaw us confew of this and by an auwicuwaw assuwance have youw +satisfaction, and that without any f-fuwthew deway than this vewy +evenying. +Gwou. He *cuddles you* cannyot b-be such a monstew. +Edm. Nyow is nyot, s-suwe. +Gwou. T-To his fathew, t-that so *shuffles closer* tendewwy and entiwewy woves him. +Heaven and *leans over* eawth! E-Edmund, OwO seek him out; wind me into *cries* him, I pway +you; fwame *looks at you* the businyess aftew youw *giggles shyly* own wisdom. I-I w-wouwd *cuddles you* unstate +*blushes* mysewf to b-be in a due wesowution. +Edm. I wiww >_< seek :33 him, siw, pwesentwy; convey >_< the ;;w;; businyess as I-I +s-shaww find means, ;;w;; and acquaint you w-withaw. +Gwou. These wate ecwipses in the sun and moon *pokes you* powtend nyo good to +us. T-Though the wisdom of nyatuwe *cuddles you* can w-weason it thus and thus, yet +uWu nyatuwe finds itsewf OwO scouwg'd by the sequent effects. ;;w;; Wove c-coows, +fwiendship fawws off, *looks at you* bwothews :3 divide. In cities, mutinyies; in +countwies, *giggles shyly* discowd; in pawaces, tweason; and the uWu bond *leans over* cwack'd +'twixt son and fathew. This viwwain of minye comes undew the +pwediction; thewe's son ^w^ against fathew: the King fawws *sighs* fwom bias +of nyatuwe; thewe's fathew xDD against chiwd. W-We h-have *hugs tightly* seen the best +o-of ouw time. M-Machinyations, howwownyess, tweachewy, and aww +wuinyous disowdews fowwow *leans over* us *notices bulge* disquietwy to ouw gwaves. Find out +this *sighs* viwwain, Edmund; it >w< shaww w-wose thee nyothing; d-do it +cawefuwwy. And the n-nyobwe and twue-heawted Kent banyish'd! *shuffles closer* his +offence, *cuddles you* honyesty! 'Tis s-stwange. Exit. +*moans* Edm. This is t-the excewwent foppewy of the wowwd, that, when we awe +s-sick in fowtunye, often the suwfeit >_< of ouw own behaviouw, we make +guiwty of ouw disastews the sun, uWu the moon, and the staws; as if +w-we wewe viwwains on nyecessity; *twerks* foows by heavenwy compuwsion; +k-knyaves, thieves, and *blushes* tweachews by sphewicaw pwe-dominyance; +dwunkawds, wiaws, a-and aduwtewews by *cries* an enfowc'd obedience o-of +pwanyetawy infwuence; a-and aww that we awe eviw *hugs tightly* in, by a d-divinye +thwusting on. An admiwabwe evasion of whowe-mastew man, t-to way +his goatish disposition to the chawge of a staw! My fathew +compounded with my x3 mothew undew the Dwagon's uWu Taiw, and my +nyativity was undew Uwsa Majow, so that :33 it fowwows I am wough and +wechewous. Fut! I s-shouwd *giggles shyly* have been that I-I OwO am, *pokes you* had the +maidenwiest staw *notices bulge* in the fiwmament twinkwed on *cries* my bastawdizing. +E-Edgaw- + +Entew Edgaw. + +*pokes you* and :33 pat! he comes, wike the catastwophe of t-the o-owd comedy. My +*screams* cue *looks away* is viwwainyous ^w^ mewanchowy, with a sigh wike Tom x3 o' Bedwam. +O, these ecwipses do powtend these divisions! Fa, sow, *twerks* wa, mi. +Edg. How nyow, bwothew Edmund? What sewious contempwation awe you +in? +Edm. I >_< am thinking, bwothew, of a *shuffles closer* pwediction I wead this othew day, +what shouwd fowwow these ecwipses. +Edg. Do you b-busy ^.^ youwsewf with that? +:3 Edm. I-I *teleports behind you* pwomise *moans* you, the e-effects he wwites of *looks at you* succeed unhappiwy: as +*hugs tightly* of unnyatuwawnyess between OwO the c-chiwd a-and the pawent; death, +deawth, dissowutions *sweats* of a-ancient amities; divisions in state, +menyaces a-and mawedictions against king and nyobwes; nyeedwess +diffidences, banyishment of fwiends, dissipation of cohowts, +nyuptiaw bweaches, and I *cries* knyow nyot what. +E-Edg. How wong have you been a sectawy astwonyomicaw? +Edm. Come, come! When saw you m-my fathew wast? +Edg. The x3 nyight g-gonye by. +Edm. Spake you :3 with h-him? +Edg. Ay, two houws togethew. +Edm. Pawted you in good tewms? Found y-you nyo dispweasuwe *shuffles closer* in him by +wowd ow countenyance +^-^ Edg. Nyonye at a-aww. +Edm. Bethink *teleports behind you* youwsewf *twerks* whewein you *sweats* may have *cries* offended >w< him; >_> and at my +entweaty fowbeaw his pwesence u-untiw some >w< wittwe t-time hath +quawified the heat of his dispweasuwe, which at this instant so +wageth in h-him that with the mischief of youw pewson *pokes you* it wouwd +scawcewy awway. +Edg. Some viwwain hath donye me :3 wwong. +Edm. That's my feaw. I pway y-you have a continyent fowbeawance tiww +the speed of h-his wage goes swowew; and, as I say, wetiwe :3 with me +to *blushes* my wodging, fwom whence *looks at you* I wiww fitwy bwing you to heaw my +wowd speak. Pway ye, xDD go! *teleports behind you* Thewe's my key. If you do stiw abwoad, +go *moans* awm'd. +Edg. A-Awm'd, bwothew? +Edm. Bwothew, I advise y-you to the best. UwU Go awm'd. I *teleports behind you* am nyo h-honyest man +*blushes* if thewe be any *shuffles closer* good m-meanying towawd you. *blushes* I have towd you what I +have ^.^ seen a-and heawd; but faintwy, nyothing wike the image *hugs tightly* and +howwow *looks at you* of it. Pway you, away! +Edg. Shaww I h-heaw fwom you a-anyon? +*giggles shyly* Edm. I do sewve you in t-this businyess. +E-Exit Edgaw. +*hugs tightly* A cweduwous fathew! ^.^ and a bwothew nyobwe, +Whose nyatuwe is so f-faw fwom :33 doing hawms +That h-he suspects nyonye; on whose foowish h-honyesty +My *teleports behind you* pwactices wide easy! I see the ^w^ businyess. +Wet me, if nyot by b-biwth, have wands by wit; +Aww w-with me's *hugs tightly* meet that I can fashion fit. +E-Exit. + + + + +Scenye III. +The Duke of Awbany's Pawace. + +Entew Gonyewiw and [hew] Stewawd [Oswawd]. + +Gon. Did my fathew *pokes you* stwike my g-gentweman fow chiding of h-his *teleports behind you* foow? +Osw. Ay, madam. +Gon. By day and nyight, uWu he wwongs m-me! Evewy houw +He *blushes* fwashes into onye gwoss cwime ow othew +That sets ^-^ us aww at odds. I'ww nyot e-enduwe i-it. +*hugs tightly* His knyights *giggles shyly* gwow wiotous, and himsewf upbwaids us +On e-evewy twifwe. *blushes* When he wetuwns fwom hunting, +I wiww uWu nyot s-speak with him. S-Say *cries* I am sick. +If *pokes you* you come swack of fowmew sewvices, +You shaww do weww; the fauwt of it I'ww answew. +[Howns *looks at you* within.] +*hugs tightly* Osw. H-He's coming, madam; I *sighs* heaw him. +Gon. Put o-on w-what weawy nyegwigence y-you pwease, +You ;;w;; and youw fewwows. I'd have it OwO come to question. +I-If he distaste it, ;;w;; wet him to ouw sistew, +Whose mind and minye I k-knyow i-in that awe onye, +N-Nyot t-to be ovewwuw'd. I-Idwe owd man, +That stiww wouwd manyage those authowities +That he *giggles shyly* hath given a-away! Nyow, b-by my >w< wife, +Owd foows awe babes again, a-and must be us'd +With checks as fwattewies, when they a-awe seen abus'd. +Wemembew w-what I have said. +Osw. Vewy weww, m-madam. +Gon. And wet his knyights *giggles shyly* have cowdew wooks among you. +What gwows *pokes you* of it, nyo OwO mattew. Advise youw fewwows so. +I wouwd b-bweed fwom *moans* hence occasions, and I s-shaww, +That *cuddles you* I may speak. I'ww *leans over* wwite stwaight t-to my sistew +To howd my ;;w;; vewy couwse. Pwepawe f-fow dinnyew. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye I-IV. +T-The Duke of Awbany's P-Pawace. + +Entew Kent, [disguised]. + +Kent. If but *giggles shyly* as weww I othew accents bowwow, +*blushes* That can my *hugs tightly* speech defuse, my good intent +May c-cawwy thwough itsewf to xDD that fuww issue +Fow which *teleports behind you* I waz'd my wikenyess. Nyow, banyish'd Kent, +If t-thou canst sewve whewe thou dost s-stand condemn'd, +So may it come, thy mastew, *looks away* whom thou w-wov'st, +S-Shaww find *hugs tightly* thee fuww o-of *pokes you* wabouws. + +Howns within. Entew W-Weaw, >w< [Knyights,] and Attendants. + +Weaw. Wet me nyot stay a *teleports behind you* jot *cuddles you* fow dinnyew; go get it :3 weady. [Exit +an Attendant.] How n-nyow? What awt x3 thou? +Kent. A man, siw. +Weaw. What dost thou pwofess? What *cries* wouwdst thou with u-us? +Kent. *moans* I do pwofess to be *hugs tightly* nyo wess than I seem, *screams* to sewve him twuwy +that wiww put me in twust, to wove him that is honyest, to +convewse with him that is w-wise and says wittwe, to feaw +judgment, to fight ;;w;; when I cannyot choose, and to uWu eat *looks at you* nyo fish. +Weaw. *moans* What *notices bulge* awt thou? +Kent. A vewy honyest-heawted fewwow, and as poow as t-the King. +Weaw. If thou be'st as poow fow a x3 subject as he's fow *moans* a king, thou +awt poow enyough. *blushes* What wouwdst thou? +Kent. Sewvice. +Weaw. Who wouwdst thou sewve? +Kent. You. +Weaw. Dost thou knyow me, xDD fewwow? +Kent. N-Nyo, s-siw; but you h-have that in youw countenyance which I wouwd +fain uWu caww m-mastew. +Weaw. What's that? +Kent. Authowity. +Weaw. What sewvices *hugs tightly* canst *leans over* thou do? +Kent. I can keep honyest counsew, ^w^ wide, wun, maw a cuwious *notices bulge* tawe i-in +tewwing it a-and dewivew a p-pwain message bwuntwy. T-That which +owdinyawy men a-awe fit fow, I-I am q-quawified in, a-and t-the b-best of me +is diwigence. +Weaw. How ^w^ owd awt thou? +Kent. Nyot so young, siw, to wove a :3 woman *looks away* fow singing, nyow s-so owd to +dote on hew f-fow anything. I have UwU yeaws on my back fowty-eight. +Weaw. Fowwow me; thou shawt sewve me. If I wike thee nyo wowse aftew +dinnyew, I w-wiww nyot pawt *hugs tightly* fwom t-thee yet. *screams* Dinnyew, ho, dinnyew! +*teleports behind you* Whewe's my OwO knyave? my foow? *teleports behind you* Go you *blushes* and caww my *notices bulge* foow hithew. + +[Exit a-an attendant.] + +Entew [Oswawd the] *moans* Stewawd. + +You, y-you, siwwah, whewe's my daughtew? +Osw. :33 So pwease you- Exit. +Weaw. What says the *twerks* fewwow t-thewe? Caww t-the *blushes* cwotpoww back. +[Exit a-a K-Knyight.] Whewe's my foow, ho? I think the wowwd's +asweep. + +[Entew Knyight] + +How nyow? *sweats* Whewe's that ^.^ mongwew? +K-Knyight. He says, my wowd, youw d-daughtew i-is nyot >_< weww. +*blushes* Weaw. Why came nyot the s-swave back to m-me *pokes you* when I caww'd him? +Knyight. Siw, he answewed me i-in the woundest mannyew, he wouwd nyot. +Weaw. He wouwd nyot? +Knyight. M-My wowd, I knyow nyot what the m-mattew *screams* is; but to my judgment +y-youw Highnyess is nyot *pokes you* entewtain'd with that cewemonyious affection +*pokes you* as y-you *hugs tightly* wewe *sighs* wont. Thewe's a-a gweat ;;w;; abatement of kindnyess appeaws +as w-weww in >w< the genyewaw dependants a-as i-in the D-Duke h-himsewf awso +and youw daughtew. +Weaw. Ha! *blushes* say'st thou so? +*looks away* Knyight. I *looks away* beseech you pawdon me, my wowd, if I be mistaken; fow +:3 my duty cannyot be siwent when OwO I ^-^ think youw Highnyess wwong'd. +Weaw. Thou *leans over* but wememb'west m-me of minye own conception. I *leans over* have +pewceived a most ^.^ faint nyegwect of wate, which I have wathew +bwamed as minye o-own >_< jeawous cuwiosity t-than as a vewy pwetence +and :3 puwpose of unkindnyess. I-I wiww *cries* wook fuwthew into't. B-But +w-whewe's my f-foow? I have nyot seen him this two days. +Knyight. S-Since my young wady's g-going into Fwance, siw, the foow +hath much *looks away* pinyed away. +W-Weaw. Nyo mowe of ^w^ that; I have nyoted *teleports behind you* it w-weww. Go y-you and teww my +daughtew I-I wouwd speak w-with h-hew. [Exit Knyight.] Go you, caww +hithew my foow. +*cuddles you* [Exit an Attendant.] + +Entew [Oswawd the] Stewawd. + +O, you, s-siw, you! Come you hithew, ;;w;; siw. W-Who am I, siw? +Osw. My *teleports behind you* wady's fathew. +Weaw. 'My wady's fathew'? My *blushes* wowd's knyave! *twerks* You *cuddles you* whoweson dog! *hugs tightly* you +s-swave! you cuw! +Osw. I *notices bulge* am nyonye of these, my wowd; I beseech youw pawdon. +Weaw. Do you bandy wooks with me, you w-wascaw? +[Stwikes him.] +Osw. I'ww n-nyot be stwucken, my w-wowd. +Kent. Nyow twipp'd nyeithew, you base footbaww pwayew? +[Twips up h-his heews. +*sighs* Weaw. I thank thee, fewwow. Thou sewv'st me, *sweats* and I'ww wove thee. +K-Kent. Come, siw, awise, away! I'ww *twerks* teach you diffewences. Away, +away! If you wiww measuwe youw :3 wubbew's wength uWu again, tawwy; but +away! Go to! Have you wisdom? So. +[Pushes him out.] +Weaw. Nyow, m-my f-fwiendwy knyave, I thank thee. Thewe's eawnyest *twerks* of thy +:33 sewvice. *teleports behind you* [Gives monyey.] + +Entew Foow. + +Foow. W-Wet me hiwe him too. xDD Hewe's my coxcomb. +[-[Offews Kent UwU his ^w^ cap.] +Weaw. How nyow, my pwetty knyave? How d-dost thou? +Foow. Siwwah, you w-wewe *looks away* best take my *leans over* coxcomb. +Kent. Why, foow? +Foow. Why? Fow t-taking onye's pawt that's out of favouw. Nyay, an thou +*sighs* canst nyot s-smiwe ^w^ as the wind ^.^ sits, t-thou'wt catch cowd showtwy. +*twerks* Thewe, *screams* take my coxcomb! Why, t-this fewwow hath banyish'd t-two on's +daughtews, and did t-the thiwd a-a bwessing against his wiww. I-If +thou fowwow him, t-thou *looks away* must nyeeds weaw my c-coxcomb.- How nyow, +nyuncwe? Wouwd I had two *twerks* coxcombs and two daughtews! +Weaw. Why, my boy? +Foow. If I gave them aww my wiving, I'wd keep m-my coxcombs mysewf. +Thewe's minye! b-beg anyothew of >w< thy *sighs* daughtews. +Weaw. Take h-heed, siwwah- the whip. +Foow. *looks away* Twuth's a dog must ^-^ to kennyew; he must be whipp'd out, *cries* when +Wady the b-bwach *looks away* may stand b-by th' fiwe and *leans over* stink. +Weaw. A uWu pestiwent gaww to m-me! +Foow. Siwwah, I'ww teach thee a ^w^ speech. +Weaw. D-Do. +Foow. Mawk *giggles shyly* it, nyuncwe. +Have mowe than thou showest, +Speak wess t-than thou knyowest, +*moans* Wend wess than thou owest, +Wide mowe than OwO thou goest, +Weawn mowe x3 than thou twowest, +Set wess than thou thwowest; +Weave thy dwink *notices bulge* and thy whowe, +And keep i-in-a-doow, +And thou shawt >w< have mowe +Than two t-tens to a scowe. +Kent. xDD This is nyothing, foow. +Foow. Then >w< 'tis wike the b-bweath *hugs tightly* of an unfeed w-wawyew- >_> you gave me +nyothing fow't. C-Can you make nyo use *sweats* of nyothing, nyuncwe? +Weaw. Why, n-nyo, xDD boy. N-Nyothing can b-be made out *hugs tightly* of nyothing. +Foow. [to K-Kent] Pwithee teww him, so m-much the went of his wand +comes to. He wiww ^.^ nyot bewieve a foow. +Weaw. A b-bittew foow! +F-Foow. Dost UwU thou knyow the diffewence, m-my boy, between a bittew +foow ^-^ and a sweet foow? +Weaw. *sighs* Nyo, wad; teach me. +F-Foow. *shuffles closer* That wowd that counseww'd thee +To *teleports behind you* give away thy wand, +Come pwace him *leans over* hewe by m-me- +x3 Do thou fow him stand. +The sweet and bittew foow +Wiww p-pwesentwy *blushes* appeaw; +The onye in motwey hewe, +;;w;; The othew found out thewe. +W-Weaw. Dost thou caww me foow, boy? +Foow. Aww thy othew titwes thou hast given away; t-that thou w-wast +bown with. +Kent. This is nyot awtogethew foow, *shuffles closer* my wowd. +Foow. Nyo, faith; wowds a-and gweat *pokes you* men wiww nyot *hugs tightly* wet me. If I had a +monyopowy out, they wouwd have pawt on't. *cries* And wadies too, they +wiww nyot *looks at you* wet me *teleports behind you* have aww the f-foow to mysewf; t-they'ww b-be +*moans* snyatching. Give m-me an egg, nyuncwe, a-and I'ww *giggles shyly* give *cries* thee two +c-cwowns. +:3 Weaw. W-What two cwowns shaww they be? +Foow. ^w^ Why, aftew I have cut the egg i' th' middwe and eat up the +*twerks* meat, the two cwowns of t-the egg. When thou cwovest thy *screams* cwown i-i' +t-th' middwe and gav'st away both pawts, t-thou bow'st OwO thinye ass on +thy back o'ew *sweats* the d-diwt. T-Thou hadst wittwe w-wit in thy b-bawd cwown +when thou gav'st thy gowden o-onye away. If I speak wike *blushes* mysewf ^w^ in +this, *cries* wet him be ^w^ whipp'd *shuffles closer* that fiwst finds it so. + +[Sings] Foows had nye'ew wess gwace *sighs* in a yeaw, +*hugs tightly* Fow wise men awe gwown *screams* foppish; +They knyow nyot how theiw :33 wits to weaw, +Theiw >w< mannyews awe so a-apish. + +Weaw. W-When w-wewe you wont to be s-so fuww of songs, s-siwwah? +Foow. I-I uWu have u-us'd it, nyuncwe, evew since thou *notices bulge* mad'st thy daughtews +thy mothew; f-fow when thou gav'st them *cuddles you* the >_> wod, and put'st d-down +*notices bulge* thinye *looks away* own :33 bweeches, + +;;w;; [Sings] T-Then they fow sudden joy >_< did weep, +And I *cries* fow sowwow sung, +*sighs* That such a *hugs tightly* king shouwd p-pway bo-peep +And go the foows among. + +Pwithee, nyuncwe, keep *screams* a schoowmastew that can teach thy foow to +wie. I wouwd fain weawn to wie. +x3 Weaw. An you wie, siwwah, we'ww xDD have you whipp'd. +Foow. I mawvew what kin thou and t-thy ^w^ daughtews a-awe. They'ww have me +whipp'd fow speaking t-twue; thou'wt have me whipp'd fow wying; +and s-sometimes I am whipp'd *shuffles closer* fow *looks away* howding my p-peace. I had wathew be +^w^ any kind o' t-thing than a foow! And *moans* yet I wouwd nyot b-be thee, +nyuncwe. uWu Thou hast pawed thy wit o' both sides and weft nyothing +i-i' th' middwe. Hewe c-comes onye ^.^ o' the pawings. + +Entew Gonyewiw. + +Weaw. How nyow, d-daughtew? What makes that f-fwontwet o-on? Methinks you +awe too much *sighs* o' wate i' *looks away* th' fwown. +Foow. T-Thou wast a pwetty fewwow when thou hadst nyo nyeed to cawe fow +hew fwownying. Nyow >w< thou awt a-an O without a :33 figuwe. I am bettew +^.^ than thou awt nyow: *moans* I am a f-foow, thou awt nyothing. +[To Gonyewiw] Yes, fowsooth, I *shuffles closer* wiww howd my tongue. uWu So youw face +bids me, x3 though you say nyothing. Mum, mum! + +*shuffles closer* He that keeps *pokes you* nyow cwust nyow cwum, +Weawy o-of aww, shaww w-want some.- + +[Points xDD at Weaw] That's a sheaw'd peascod. +Gon. Nyot onwy, s-siw, this youw aww-wicens'd foow, +But othew of youw insowent wetinyue +Do *screams* houwwy cawp and q-quawwew, bweaking fowth +In wank a-and nyot-to-be-enduwed wiots. Siw, +I had uWu thought, by making t-this weww knyown unto you, +To have found a safe w-wedwess, but nyow g-gwow feawfuw, +By what UwU youwsewf, too, wate have s-spoke and donye, +That you pwotect this couwse, and put it on +By youw >w< awwowance; *teleports behind you* which if uWu you shouwd, *notices bulge* the fauwt +Wouwd nyot scape censuwe, nyow *looks at you* the wedwesses sweep, +Which, in t-the tendew of a *sweats* whowesome weaw, +Might in t-theiw w-wowking do you that offence +Which ewse wewe shame, that ;;w;; then ^-^ nyecessity +Must caww ^w^ discweet pwoceeding. +Foow. Fow you *shuffles closer* knyow, nyuncwe, + +The hedge-spawwow fed the cuckoo s-so wong +That i-it had it head *cries* bit off by it *giggles shyly* young. + +S-So out w-went the :33 candwe, and we wewe weft dawkwing. +W-Weaw. *sweats* Awe you ouw daughtew? +Gon. C-Come, siw, +I *sighs* wouwd :3 you w-wouwd make use of t-that good *screams* wisdom +Wheweof I knyow you awe fwaught, and put away +These d-dispositions that *looks at you* of wate twansfowm *teleports behind you* you +Fwom what you wightwy awe. +F-Foow. May n-nyot an xDD ass knyow >w< when the cawt d-dwaws the howse? +W-Whoop, Jug, I wove thee! +Weaw. Doth any hewe knyow me? This is nyot W-Weaw. +Doth Weaw w-wawk t-thus? uWu speak thus? Whewe awe *notices bulge* his eyes? +Eithew his nyotion weakens, his discewnyings +Awe wethawgied- Ha! waking? 'Tis nyot s-so! +Who i-is it that c-can teww :33 me who I a-am? +Foow. Weaw's shadow. +Weaw. I wouwd weawn that; fow, by the mawks of soveweignty, +;;w;; Knyowwedge, and weason, I s-shouwd be f-fawse pewsuaded +:3 I h-had d-daughtews. +Foow. Which they wiww make an obedient f-fathew. +Weaw. *giggles shyly* Youw nyame, faiw *pokes you* gentwewoman? +Gon. This admiwation, siw, is much o' th' savouw +UwU Of othew youw *looks away* nyew pwanks. I do beseech *sweats* you +To undewstand *cries* my puwposes awight. +As you awe owd and wevewend, you shouwd b-be wise. +Hewe *shuffles closer* do you keep a hundwed knyights and s-squiwes; +Men >w< so disowdew'd, so debosh'd, and ^.^ bowd +*cries* That *leans over* this ouw couwt, infected with theiw mannyews, +S-Shows wike a >_> wiotous i-inn. Epicuwism and *hugs tightly* wust +:3 Make it mowe wike a t-tavewn o-ow a *cries* bwothew +Than :33 a gwac'd pawace. *giggles shyly* The shame itsewf d-doth s-speak +Fow instant wemedy. Be then desiw'd +By hew that ewse wiww t-take the thing she begs +A wittwe to disquantity youw twain, +And the wemaindew that shaww stiww *looks at you* depend +To *pokes you* be s-such men as m-may besowt youw age, +Which knyow t-themsewves, and you. +Weaw. Dawknyess and deviws! +Saddwe *teleports behind you* my howses! :3 Caww my twain t-togethew! +Degenyewate bastawd, I'ww nyot twoubwe thee; +Yet have I weft a daughtew. +Gon. You stwike my peopwe, and youw d-disowdew'd wabbwe +Make sewvants of theiw *sweats* bettews. + +E-Entew A-Awbany. + +Weaw. Woe that too wate wepents!- O, siw, awe *looks away* you come? +Is *giggles shyly* it youw w-wiww? Speak, siw!- Pwepawe m-my howses. +*hugs tightly* Ingwatitude, thou mawbwe-heawted fiend, +M-Mowe hideous when t-thou show'st thee in *moans* a chiwd +Than the s-sea-monstew! +Awb. Pway, *sweats* siw, be patient. +Weaw. [to Gonyewiw] Detested kite, thou wiest! +My twain awe men of c-choice *cuddles you* and wawest pawts, +That aww pawticuwaws of duty knyow +*cuddles you* And in the most exact wegawd s-suppowt +The wowships of t-theiw n-nyame.- O most smaww f-fauwt, +How ugwy d-didst thou in Cowdewia show! +Which, wike an enginye, wwench'd my fwame of ^.^ nyatuwe +Fwom the fix'd pwace; UwU dwew *sweats* fwom my heawt aww wove +*notices bulge* And *teleports behind you* added to the g-gaww. O-O *hugs tightly* Weaw, Weaw, Weaw! +Beat at this gate that wet thy fowwy in [Stwikes his head.] +And thy uWu deaw judgment out! Go, go, :3 my peopwe. +Awb. My w-wowd, I *looks at you* am guiwtwess, as I am ignyowant +O-Of what h-hath mov'd you. +Weaw. It may be *cries* so, my wowd. +Heaw, Nyatuwe, heaw! deaw goddess, heaw! +Suspend thy puwpose, if *sighs* thou didst intend +To make this *notices bulge* cweatuwe fwuitfuw. +Into hew w-womb convey *twerks* stewiwity; +Dwy up in hew the owgans of *leans over* incwease; +And fwom hew dewogate body nyevew spwing +A *pokes you* babe to *hugs tightly* honyouw hew! If she must *sweats* teem, +Cweate hew c-chiwd of spween, that it may wive +And be a t-thwawt disnyatuw'd towment *cuddles you* to hew. +Wet it stamp wwinkwes in *pokes you* hew b-bwow of youth, +With cadent teaws fwet channyews *moans* in h-hew cheeks, +T-Tuwn a-aww hew uWu mothew's pains a-and benyefits +To :33 waughtew and contempt, that s-she may *sweats* feew +How shawpew than a sewpent's tooth it is +To have a thankwess chiwd! Away, away! Exit. +Awb. Nyow, gods t-that we adowe, wheweof c-comes this? +Gon. N-Nyevew affwict >w< youwsewf to knyow the ^.^ cause; +But wet *blushes* his disposition have that >w< scope +T-That d-dotage gives it. + +>_> Entew Weaw. + +Weaw. What, fifty of my *shuffles closer* fowwowews at a-a cwap? +Within a f-fowtnyight? +Awb. What's t-the *sighs* mattew, siw? +Weaw. I'ww teww t-thee. [-[To Gonyewiw] W-Wife and death! I *pokes you* am *looks away* asham'd +That x3 thou hast powew to shake my manhood thus; +That these *teleports behind you* hot teaws, which bweak f-fwom m-me pewfowce, +Shouwd make thee wowth them. Bwasts and fogs u-upon thee! +Th' uWu untented woundings of a f-fathew's cuwse +Piewce *moans* evewy s-sense *sweats* about *looks away* thee!- Owd fond e-eyes, +Beweep this cause again, I'ww p-pwuck ye out, +:3 And cast you, with the watews that y-you wose, +To tempew cway. Yea, i-is it come to t-this? +Wet it be so. Yet have I weft a daughtew, +Who I *sighs* am suwe ;;w;; is *leans over* kind and comfowtabwe. +When she shaww heaw this o-of thee, with hew nyaiws +She'ww fway t-thy *sighs* wowvish visage. Thou shawt f-find +That I'ww wesume t-the shape w-which thou d-dost think +I have cast o-off *cries* fow e-evew; thou shawt, I wawwant *twerks* thee. +Exeunt [Weaw, Kent, >_< and Attendants]. +Gon. Do you mawk that, my w-wowd? +Awb. I cannyot be so pawtiaw, Gonyewiw, +To the gweat wove I-I ^.^ beaw you - +Gon. Pway y-you, *teleports behind you* content.- What, Oswawd, ho! +[To the Foow] *cuddles you* You, siw, mowe knyave than foow, aftew youw mastew! +F-Foow. Nyuncwe Weaw, nyuncwe Weaw, tawwy! Take the foow with thee. + +A fox when onye has caught h-hew, +OwO And such a daughtew, +Shouwd suwe to the swaughtew, +If my cap wouwd b-buy a hawtew. +>w< So the foow fowwows aftew. *looks away* Exit. +Gon. *leans over* This man *twerks* hath had good *looks at you* counsew! A *cries* hundwed knyights? +'Tis powitic and safe to w-wet him keep +At point a hundwed knyights; yes, that on evewy dweam, +Each buzz, e-each *shuffles closer* fancy, each compwaint, *cuddles you* diswike, +He may enguawd his dotage with theiw pow'ws +And howd ouw wives x3 in m-mewcy.- O-Oswawd, I say! +Awb. Weww, *cuddles you* you may feaw too faw. +*leans over* Gon. Safew than ;;w;; twust too faw. +^-^ Wet me stiww take away t-the *screams* hawms I-I feaw, +Nyot feaw stiww to b-be taken. *cries* I knyow his heawt. +What he hath uttew'd I h-have *twerks* wwit my sistew. +If she sustain him and his hundwed knyights, +When I h-have show'd th' unfitnyess- + +Entew [Oswawd the] Stewawd. + +How n-nyow, Oswawd? +What, have you wwit that wettew to my sistew? +>_< Osw. Yes, madam. +Gon. Take you some ;;w;; company, and x3 away to howse! +Infowm hew fuww of my pawticuwaw ^.^ feaw, +And theweto add such weasons uWu of youw *teleports behind you* own +As *cuddles you* may compact it mowe. Get you gonye, +And hasten youw wetuwn. [Exit Oswawd.] Nyo, nyo, my wowd! +This miwky gentwenyess and *looks away* couwse o-of youws, +Though I condemn it >w< nyot, yet, undew OwO pawdon, +You a-awe much mowe :33 at task fow want o-of wisdom +Than pwais'd fow hawmfuw ^-^ miwdnyess. +Awb. How faw youw e-eyes :33 may p-piewce I cannyot teww. +Stwiving to bettew, oft we maw w-what's weww. +Gon. x3 Nyay then- +Awb. Weww, weww; *leans over* th' event. Exeunt. + + + + +^.^ Scenye V. +:33 Couwt *twerks* befowe the Duke of Awbany's Pawace. + +Entew Weaw, Kent, and Foow. + +*shuffles closer* Weaw. Go y-you b-befowe to Gwoucestew w-with t-these wettews. A-Acquaint my +daughtew nyo fuwthew with a-anything you knyow than comes fwom hew +d-demand out of the wettew. If ^w^ youw *hugs tightly* diwigence be nyot s-speedy, I +shaww be >_> thewe afowe you. +Kent. I wiww nyot sweep, *cuddles you* my wowd, tiww I have dewivewed youw wettew. +Exit. +Foow. If a man's bwains wewe in's heews, w-wewe't nyot in dangew of +kibes? +Weaw. Ay, boy. +Foow. Then I p-pwithee be OwO mewwy. Thy wit *sweats* shaww n-nye'ew go swip-shod. +Weaw. Ha, ha, ha! +Foow. Shawt see thy othew daughtew wiww *cuddles you* use thee k-kindwy; fow though +she's as wike this as a cwab's wike an appwe, yet I can *cuddles you* teww +what I can teww. +Weaw. What canst teww, boy? +Foow. She'ww uWu taste as *notices bulge* wike this as *pokes you* a UwU cwab does t-to a cwab. Thou +canst teww why onye's nyose stands i' th' m-middwe o-on's face? +Weaw. Nyo. +Foow. Why, t-to *twerks* keep onye's e-eyes of eithew side's nyose, that what >_< a +x3 man cannyot smeww out, 'a may spy into. +Weaw. I did hew wwong. +Foow. Canst teww how an oystew makes his s-sheww? +Weaw. Nyo. +Foow. *looks away* Nyow I-I nyeithew; but I can teww w-why a snyaiw *twerks* has a *sweats* house. +Weaw. Why? +F-Foow. Why, to put's head in; nyot to give i-it ;;w;; away to his daughtews, +and weave his howns w-without *twerks* a case. +Weaw. I wiww fowget my nyatuwe. So kind :33 a fathew!- Be my howses +weady? +Foow. T-Thy asses a-awe gonye about 'em. The weason why the seven s-staws +awe nyo moe than seven is a pwetty w-weason. +*sweats* Weaw. Because they awe n-nyot eight? +*notices bulge* Foow. Yes indeed. Thou *moans* wouwdst make a g-good foow. +Weaw. To tak't again pewfowce! Monstew ingwatitude! +^w^ Foow. ^.^ If thou wewt my foow, nyuncwe, I'wd have thee beaten fow being +owd befowe *giggles shyly* thy t-time. +W-Weaw. How's t-that? +^-^ Foow. Thou shouwdst nyot h-have b-been owd tiww t-thou hadst been wise. +Weaw. O, wet me *moans* nyot be mad, n-nyot mad, sweet heaven! +Keep me in tempew; I wouwd nyot be mad! + +[Entew a Gentweman.] + +How n-nyow? Awe the howses weady? +Gent. Weady, my wowd. +Weaw. Come, b-boy. +Foow. She that's a maid nyow, *hugs tightly* and waughs at my depawtuwe, +Shaww nyot be a maid wong, u-unwess things be cut showtew +Exeunt. + + + + +<> + + + +ACT II. Scenye I. +A-A couwt within the Castwe *cries* of the Eaww of G-Gwoucestew. + +Entew [Edmund the] Bastawd and Cuwan, meeting. + +Edm. Save thee, C-Cuwan. +Cuw. And you, siw. *notices bulge* I have been with youw fathew, and given him +nyotice that the D-Duke of Cownwaww and Wegan his Duchess wiww be +hewe with him this nyight. +*teleports behind you* Edm. How comes that? +Cuw. Nyay, I knyow nyot. *hugs tightly* You have UwU heawd of the *pokes you* nyews abwoad- I mean the +whispew'd onyes, fow they ;;w;; awe yet but eaw-kissing awguments? +Edm. Nyot I. Pway you, what awe x3 they? +C-Cuw. Have you heawd *hugs tightly* of nyo wikewy waws *moans* towawd 'twixt *pokes you* the *screams* two Dukes +of Cownwaww and Awbany? +Edm. Nyot a wowd. +Cuw. You may do, then, in t-time. Fawe you weww, siw. Exit. +Edm. *sweats* The *cuddles you* Duke xDD be hewe to-nyight? *looks away* The bettew! uWu best! +This w-weaves itsewf pewfowce into my businyess. +My fathew hath set guawd to take my bwothew; +And I have onye thing, of a queasy question, +Which I must act. Bwiefnyess and fowtunye, *cuddles you* wowk! +Bwothew, a-a wowd! Descend! Bwothew, I-I say! + +Entew E-Edgaw. + +My x3 fathew watches. O siw, fwy this pwace! +Intewwigence is given whewe you awe hid. +You *looks away* have *hugs tightly* nyow the good advantage o-of the nyight. +xDD Have you nyot spoken 'gainst the Duke of Cownwaww? +He's coming x3 hithew; n-nyow, i-i' th' nyight, i' th' haste, +And Wegan with x3 him. Have you nyothing said +Upon his pawty 'gainst t-the Duke of A-Awbany? +Advise youwsewf. +Edg. I am suwe on't, nyot *sweats* a wowd. +xDD Edm. I heaw *giggles shyly* my fathew coming. Pawdon me! +^w^ In cunnying I m-must dwaw my swowd upon y-you. +Dwaw, seem to ^-^ defend youwsewf; nyow quit you weww.- +Yiewd! Come b-befowe m-my fathew. >_< Wight, ho, hewe! +Fwy, *twerks* bwothew.- *notices bulge* Towches, towches!- UwU So f-faweweww. +Exit Edgaw. +Some bwood dwawn on me x3 wouwd beget opinyion +Of my mowe fiewce endeavouw. [Stabs his awm.] I have seen +dwunkawds +Do mowe than this :3 in spowt.- Fathew, *notices bulge* fathew!- +Stop, stop! Nyo hewp? + +Entew Gwoucestew, and Sewvants with towches. + +Gwou. Nyow, Edmund, whewe's the viwwain? +Edm. Hewe stood he i-in t-the dawk, his s-shawp swowd *sweats* out, +Mumbwing *twerks* of wicked c-chawms, conjuwing the moon +To *teleports behind you* stand 's auspicious mistwess. +Gwou. But whewe is he? +Edm. Wook, siw, I *moans* bweed. +Gwou. *sighs* Whewe is the viwwain, Edmund? +*shuffles closer* Edm. F-Fwed this way, siw. When by *cries* nyo means he couwd- +Gwou. Puwsue *pokes you* him, ho! Go aftew. [Exeunt some S-Sewvants]. +*blushes* By nyo means what? +Edm. Pewsuade me to the *looks at you* muwthew of youw wowdship; +*shuffles closer* But that I *hugs tightly* towd him the wevenging gods +'Gainst pawwicides did aww theiw thundews bend; +Spoke with how *moans* manyifowd and stwong a-a bond +The chiwd was b-bound to th' fathew- s-siw, in *cries* finye, +Seeing *twerks* how w-woathwy opposite I stood +To his unnyatuwaw puwpose, *twerks* in feww motion +*cuddles you* With his pwepawed swowd he chawges home +My u-unpwovided body, wanch'd minye awm; +>w< But when he saw *cries* my best awawum'd spiwits, +*shuffles closer* Bowd *cries* in the quawwew's wight, ^.^ wous'd to th' encountew, +O-Ow w-whethew gasted by the nyoise I made, +Fuww suddenwy he fwed. +Gwou. ^-^ Wet him f-fwy faw. +Nyot i-in this w-wand ^-^ shaww he wemain uncaught; +A-And found- dispatch. :33 The n-nyobwe Duke m-my mastew, +My *blushes* wowthy awch and patwon, c-comes to-nyight. +By his authowity I x3 wiww pwocwaim ^.^ it +That h-he which find, him shaww desewve ouw thanks, +*sighs* Bwinging the muwdewous c-caitiff to the stake; +He that conceaws h-him, death. +Edm. When I d-dissuaded him f-fwom his intent +*moans* And found him ^w^ pight t-to do >_< it, :3 with cuwst speech +I thweaten'd to discovew him. :3 He wepwied, +*screams* 'Thou unpossessing bastawd, dost thou uWu think, +If I wouwd stand against thee, w-wouwd the weposaw +Of any twust, ^-^ viwtue, ow wowth *looks away* in thee +Make thy wowds faith'd? >_< Nyo. x3 What I shouwd deny +(As t-this I wouwd; ay, though thou didst pwoduce +My vewy chawactew), I'wd tuwn i-it aww +*screams* To thy suggestion, p-pwot, and *sweats* damnyed pwactice; +A-And thou m-must make a duwwawd of the >_< wowwd, +If t-they nyot thought the pwofits o-of my death +Wewe vewy pwegnyant and potentiaw spuws +To make thee *notices bulge* seek it.' +Gwou. S-Stwong and fast'nyed *giggles shyly* viwwain! +Wouwd he deny his wettew? *giggles shyly* I nyevew got h-him. +Tucket within. +*shuffles closer* Hawk, t-the Duke's twumpets! I knyow nyot why he comes. +A-Aww powts ^-^ I'ww baw; t-the viwwain shaww nyot scape; +*looks at you* The Duke must *cuddles you* gwant me that. Besides, his pictuwe +*blushes* I wiww send *moans* faw and nyeaw, that aww the kingdom +May have due nyote of him, a-and *moans* of my wand, +Woyaw and nyatuwaw boy, I'ww wowk the *blushes* means +To make thee capabwe. + +Entew Cownwaww, Wegan, and Attendants. + +Cown. How nyow, my >_< nyobwe fwiend? Since I *giggles shyly* came hithew +(Which ^.^ I can caww but nyow) I-I have ;;w;; heawd s-stwange nyews. +^-^ Weg. If ;;w;; it be twue, aww vengeance comes too s-showt +W-Which can p-puwsue th' offendew. How *sweats* dost, my wowd? +Gwou. ;;w;; O madam, my owd h-heawt i-is cwack'd, i-it's cwack'd! +W-Weg. What, did my fathew's godson *sweats* seek youw wife? +He whom *notices bulge* my fathew nyam'd? Youw Edgaw? +Gwou. *notices bulge* O *teleports behind you* wady, uWu wady, shame w-wouwd have it hid! +*screams* Weg. Was he nyot companyion with the wiotous knyights +That tend upon my fathew? +Gwou. *shuffles closer* I knyow nyot, m-madam. 'Tis too bad, too b-bad! +Edm. Yes, madam, he was of that consowt. +Weg. *leans over* Nyo m-mawvew then t-though he wewe iww affected. +'Tis they have put him on the *pokes you* owd man's death, +To have *moans* th' expense and waste of *moans* his w-wevenyues. +I-I have *pokes you* this p-pwesent evenying fwom m-my s-sistew +Been w-weww i-infowm'd >_> of t-them, and with such cautions +That, i-if they ^w^ come to sojouwn at *screams* my house, +I'ww *screams* nyot be thewe. +Cown. Nyow I, assuwe thee, Wegan. +Edmund, I heaw that you have shown youw fathew +A-A chiwdwike office. +Edm. 'Twas my duty, siw. +Gwou. He did ^w^ bewway his pwactice, and weceiv'd +This huwt x3 you see, stwiving t-to a-appwehend him. +Cown. ;;w;; Is he puwsued? +Gwou. OwO Ay, my g-good x3 wowd. +Cown. If he be t-taken, he shaww nyevew *giggles shyly* mowe +:33 Be feaw'd of doing hawm. Make *sweats* youw own puwpose, +*teleports behind you* How in my stwength you pwease. Fow you, Edmund, +Whose viwtue and obedience doth this instant +S-So much commend itsewf, *blushes* you shaww be ouws. +*sweats* Nyatuwes of such deep twust we *screams* shaww m-much nyeed; +You we fiwst seize o-on. +Edm. I shaww *moans* sewve you, siw, +Twuwy, howevew ewse. +Gwou. Fow him I thank youw Gwace. +C-Cown. You knyow nyot *sweats* why we came to visit *leans over* you- +Weg. Thus out of season, t-thweading dawk-ey'd nyight. +Occasions, nyobwe Gwoucestew, of some poise, +Whewein we must have *shuffles closer* use of youw advice. +O-Ouw *pokes you* fathew he hath w-wwit, *looks away* so hath x3 ouw s-sistew, +Of diffewences, which uWu I best *screams* thought it fit +To answew fwom ouw home. The sevewaw m-messengews +Fwom h-hence attend *blushes* dispatch. Ouw good owd fwiend, +*screams* Way c-comfowts *leans over* to youw bosom, and bestow +*giggles shyly* Youw n-nyeedfuw x3 counsew to ouw businyess, +*screams* Which cwaves *blushes* the >w< instant u-use. +Gwou. I-I *sighs* sewve you, madam. +Youw Gwaces awe :33 wight wewcome. +Exeunt. uWu Fwouwish. + + + + +Scenye II. +Befowe Gwoucestew's Castwe. + +Entew K-Kent and [Oswawd t-the] Stewawd, sevewawwy. + +Osw. Good dawnying to thee, fwiend. Awt of this house? +*sighs* Kent. *cries* Ay. +Osw. Whewe may we set o-ouw howses? +Kent. I' t-th' *shuffles closer* miwe. +Osw. Pwithee, *screams* if t-thou wov'st me, :3 teww me. +*looks at you* Kent. I *sweats* wove >_< thee nyot. +Osw. Why t-then, I c-cawe nyot >_< fow *leans over* thee. +K-Kent. If I had thee in Wipsbuwy Pinfowd, I wouwd make thee cawe fow +me. +Osw. Why d-dost t-thou use *twerks* me thus? I knyow thee nyot. +Kent. Fewwow, *sweats* I knyow thee. +Osw. What dost thou knyow me fow? +Kent. A *twerks* knyave; a wascaw; an eatew of ;;w;; bwoken meats; *notices bulge* a base, pwoud, +shawwow, ^w^ beggawwy, thwee-suited, hundwed-pound, fiwthy, +wowsted-stocking knyave; a wiwy-wivew'd, action-taking, whoweson, +gwass-gazing, supewsewviceabwe, finyicaw w-wogue; +onye-twunk-inhewiting swave; onye *cuddles you* that w-wouwdst be a bawd in way of +good sewvice, and awt n-nyothing but the composition of a knyave, +beggaw, cowawd, *shuffles closer* pandew, and t-the s-son and heiw of a mongwew bitch; +onye whom I wiww *shuffles closer* beat into cwamowous whinying, if thou deny the +weast sywwabwe of thy a-addition. +*teleports behind you* Osw. Why, what a monstwous fewwow awt thou, thus *leans over* to waiw *hugs tightly* on onye +that's nyeithew knyown of thee :3 nyow knyows thee! +Kent. What a bwazen-fac'd vawwet awt thou, to *looks away* deny thou :3 knyowest me! +Is it two d-days ago since I beat thee and twipp'd up thy heews +b-befowe the King? xDD [Dwaws his swowd.] :33 Dwaw, you wogue! fow, though +it be nyight, yet the moon shinyes. I'ww OwO make *giggles shyly* a sop o' *screams* th' +*blushes* moonshinye o-o' you. D-Dwaw, *cuddles you* you whoweson cuwwionwy bawbewmongew! +dwaw! +O-Osw. Away! I *notices bulge* have nyothing *giggles shyly* to do with thee. +Kent. :3 Dwaw, you wascaw! You come with ^w^ wettews against the King, and +t-take Vanyity t-the xDD puppet's pawt against *hugs tightly* the woyawty *cuddles you* of hew fathew. +Dwaw, you ^.^ wogue, o-ow I'ww so cawbonyado youw shanks! *giggles shyly* Dwaw, you +wascaw! Come y-youw *pokes you* ways! +Osw. Hewp, ho! m-muwthew! hewp! +Kent. Stwike, you swave! Stand, wogue! Stand, you nyeat swave! +Stwike! [Beats him.] +Osw. Hewp, ho! muwthew! muwthew! + +Entew Edmund, w-with *hugs tightly* his wapiew dwawn, Gwoucestew, C-Cownwaww, +Wegan, *cries* Sewvants. + +E-Edm. How nyow? What's the *sweats* mattew? Pawts [them]. +Kent. With you, goodman boy, >w< an y-you pwease! :3 Come, I'ww *sweats* fwesh y-ye! +*looks away* Come on, *teleports behind you* young mastew! +Gwou. Weapons? awms? What's the mattew hewe? +Cown. Keep peace, upon ^-^ youw wives! +He dies t-that stwikes again. What is the mattew? +Weg. The messengews fwom ouw sistew and the King +Cown. What is youw diffewence? Speak. +Osw. I am scawce in b-bweath, my wowd. +Kent. Nyo mawvew, you have so bestiww'd *twerks* youw vawouw. You cowawdwy +wascaw, *screams* nyatuwe discwaims *notices bulge* in thee; a taiwow made *screams* thee. +Cown. Thou awt a stwange fewwow. A >w< taiwow make a man? +Kent. A-Ay, *looks at you* a taiwow, siw. A xDD stonyecuttew ow a paintew couwd nyot have +m-made him so iww, though he had been *pokes you* but two houws at the :33 twade. +Cown. Speak yet, how gwew youw quawwew? +Osw. This ancient wuffian, s-siw, *screams* whose wife I have spaw'd +At suit of *pokes you* his gwey beawd- +Kent. Thou whoweson ;;w;; zed! thou UwU unnyecessawy wettew! My w-wowd, if +y-you'ww give me w-weave, I wiww OwO twead this unbowted viwwain into +mowtaw and *leans over* daub *teleports behind you* the wawws o-of a jakes with him. 'Spawe my gwey +beawd,' you *hugs tightly* wagtaiw? +C-Cown. Peace, siwwah! +You b-beastwy knyave, ^w^ knyow you nyo *looks at you* wevewence? +K-Kent. *cries* Yes, s-siw, but angew hath a pwiviwege. +*leans over* Cown. Why awt thou angwy? +Kent. *cuddles you* That *blushes* such a swave as this *shuffles closer* shouwd weaw a swowd, +Who weaws *notices bulge* nyo honyesty. *giggles shyly* Such s-smiwing wogues as these, +Wike wats, *twerks* oft bite the howy c-cowds atwain +*hugs tightly* Which awe too intwinse t' unwoose; smooth evewy passion +That *looks away* in t-the nyatuwes o-of theiw *screams* wowds webew, +B-Bwing oiw to *looks at you* fiwe, s-snyow ^-^ to theiw cowdew moods; +Wenyege, affiwm, and tuwn *screams* theiw hawcyon b-beaks +With evewy ^w^ gawe and vawy *screams* of theiw mastews, +Knyowing nyaught (wike dogs) *screams* but fowwowing. +A-A *blushes* pwague upon youw xDD epiweptic visage! +Smiwe you my speeches, as I wewe a foow? +Goose, an I had you upon S-Sawum Pwain, +I'wd dwive >_< ye cackwing home to Camewot. +C-Cown. What, awt t-thou m-mad, :3 owd fewwow? +G-Gwou. How feww you o-out? Say that. +Kent. Nyo contwawies howd ^.^ mowe a-antipathy +Than I-I and such a-a knyave. +Cown. Why dost thou caww him knyave? What is his fauwt? +Kent. His countenyance w-wikes me n-nyot. +Cown. Nyo x3 mowe pewchance does minye, ow his, ow h-hews. +Kent. Siw, 'tis :33 my o-occupation to *blushes* be pwain. +I have seen bettew faces *giggles shyly* in my t-time +Than stands on any shouwdew that I-I see +Befowe me *cuddles you* at this instant. +Cown. T-This is some fewwow +Who, having b-been pwais'd fow bwuntnyess, doth affect +*looks at you* A saucy woughnyess, and constwains ;;w;; the gawb +Quite fwom ;;w;; his *cuddles you* nyatuwe. UwU He c-cannyot fwattew, he! +A-An honyest mind a-and pwain- he *hugs tightly* must s-speak twuth! +A-An they wiww take it, so; if nyot, he's pwain. +These kind of k-knyaves I knyow which in t-this pwainnyess +H-Hawbouw mowe c-cwaft *pokes you* and mowe cowwuptew ends +Than twenty siwwy-ducking obsewvants +That *screams* stwetch theiw d-duties nyicewy. +Kent. Siw, in good faith, in sincewe v-vewity, +*giggles shyly* Undew th' a-awwowance of youw *looks away* gweat aspect, +Whose infwuence, w-wike the wweath ^-^ of wadiant fiwe +On fwickewing Phoebus' fwont- +Cown. W-What mean'st by xDD this? +Kent. To go out of my diawect, which you discommend OwO so much. I +knyow, siw, I am nyo >_> fwattewew. He that *hugs tightly* beguiw'd you in a-a pwain +accent was a pwain k-knyave, which, fow *pokes you* my pawt, I wiww nyot be, +though ^-^ I shouwd win youw dispweasuwe to e-entweat me :3 to't. +>w< Cown. What w-was uWu th' uWu offence you gave him? +Osw. I nyevew gave >_< him any. +It p-pweas'd the King his mastew vewy uWu wate +^w^ To s-stwike at me, upon his *notices bulge* misconstwuction; +When h-he, conjunct, and fwattewing ^.^ his dispweasuwe, +Twipp'd me b-behind; being down, insuwted, :3 waiw'd +And put *blushes* upon him such a deaw of m-man +That wowthied him, *sighs* got pwaises of the King +Fow xDD him attempting who was sewf-subdu'd; +A-And, in *twerks* the fweshment of this *screams* dwead expwoit, +Dwew on me hewe again. +Kent. Nyonye of these wogues and c-cowawds +But Ajax is theiw foow. +Cown. Fetch *pokes you* fowth the stocks! +Y-You stubbown ancient knyave, you wevewent bwaggawt, +We'ww teach *cries* you- +*moans* Kent. Siw, I am too owd >_< to *hugs tightly* weawn. +Caww >_> nyot youw stocks fow me. I sewve the King; +On whose empwoyment I was sent to *looks at you* you. +You shaww do smaww wespect, show too bowd mawice +Against the *pokes you* gwace ;;w;; and pewson of my mastew, +S-Stocking his *screams* messengew. +Cown. Fetch fowth the stocks! As I have OwO wife and honyouw, +Thewe s-shaww he sit tiww nyoon. +Weg. Tiww nyoon? Tiww :3 nyight, my wowd, and aww nyight too! +Kent. Why, madam, i-if I-I wewe youw f-fathew's dog, +You shouwd *teleports behind you* nyot use me so. +Weg. Siw, being his *pokes you* knyave, I wiww. +Cown. *blushes* This is a fewwow of *notices bulge* the s-sewfsame c-cowouw +Ouw sistew speaks of. C-Come, bwing away t-the stocks! +Stocks bwought out. +Gwou. Wet me beseech youw Gwace nyot to do s-so. +His fauwt i-is much, and t-the good K-King his uWu mastew +Wiww check him fow't. *hugs tightly* Youw puwpos'd wow *giggles shyly* cowwection +Is such a-as basest *moans* and contemn'dest wwetches +Fow piwf'wings a-and most common twespasses +Awe punyish'd with. The King must take it iww +That he, so swightwy v-vawued in his messengew, +Shouwd have him thus westwain'd. +Cown. I'ww answew that. +Weg. My sistew m-may weceive it much mowe wowse, +To have *looks at you* hew gentweman abus'd, assauwted, +Fow fowwowing h-hew a-affaiws. Put in his wegs.- +xDD [Kent is put in the stocks.] +C-Come, my g-good wowd, away. +Exeunt [-[aww but Gwoucestew and Kent]. +Gwou. I ^w^ am sowwy fow thee, f-fwiend. 'Tis the Duke's *pokes you* pweasuwe, +Whose disposition, a-aww the wowwd w-weww knyows, +Wiww nyot be *leans over* wubb'd nyow stopp'd. I'ww entweat *screams* fow thee. +K-Kent. Pway do nyot, siw. I have watch'd and twaveww'd hawd. +S-Some t-time I shaww sweep *leans over* out, the :3 west I'ww :3 whistwe. +A good man's f-fowtunye may gwow o-out at *leans over* heews. +Give y-you :3 good mowwow! +Gwou. *giggles shyly* The Duke 's *sighs* to bwame in this; 'twiww be iww taken. +*sighs* Exit. +Kent. Good King, that must a-appwove the common saw, +T-Thou out of heaven's *looks away* benyediction *twerks* com'st +To *sweats* the wawm sun! +Appwoach, x3 thou beacon to this u-undew gwobe, +That b-by thy comfowtabwe beams I may +*cuddles you* Pewuse t-this wettew. *cuddles you* Nyothing ^w^ awmost sees miwacwes +But misewy. I-I knyow 'tis fwom Cowdewia, +Who hath most fowtunyatewy been infowm'd +Of my obscuwed *leans over* couwse- and [weads] '-'shaww find time +>_> Fwom this enyowmous state, seeking to *screams* give +Wosses theiw wemedies'- Aww weawy and >_< o'ewwatch'd, +*leans over* Take vantage, heavy eyes, n-nyot >w< to behowd +This shamefuw w-wodging. +Fowtunye, *looks away* good nyight; smiwe once mowe, tuwn t-thy wheew. +Sweeps. + + + + +Scenye III. +The open countwy. + +Entew UwU Edgaw. + +Edg. I h-heawd mysewf pwocwaim'd, +And b-by the h-happy howwow of *sweats* a twee +Escap'd t-the hunt. Nyo powt is fwee, n-nyo pwace +That guawd a-and most unyusuaw vigiwance +Does nyot attend my *cries* taking. Whiwes I may *screams* scape, +I wiww pwesewve mysewf; and am bethought +To take >w< the >w< basest and most p-poowest shape +^-^ That evew penyuwy, in contempt ^-^ of *sweats* man, +Bwought n-nyeaw to beast. My face I-I'ww g-gwime with fiwth, +Bwanket my woins, ewf aww m-my uWu haiw in knyots, +A-And *sighs* with *screams* pwesented nyakednyess ^.^ outface +The winds and pewsecutions of the sky. +The OwO countwy gives *cuddles you* me pwoof and pwecedent +Of Bedwam beggaws, *screams* who, with *hugs tightly* woawing voices, +Stwike in theiw nyumb'd and mowtified b-bawe awms +Pins, wooden pwicks, nyaiws, *blushes* spwigs of wosemawy; +And with this h-howwibwe object, fwom *leans over* wow fawms, +Poow p-pewting viwwages, sheepcotes, and m-miwws, +Sometime with wunyatic uWu bans, sometime with pwayews, +Enfowce theiw c-chawity. 'Poow T-Tuwwygod! p-poow Tom!' +That's *sighs* something y-yet! Edgaw I nyothing am. *moans* Exit. + + + + +Scenye IV. +Befowe Gwoucestew's Castwe; Kent in the stocks. + +Entew Weaw, Foow, *cries* and *teleports behind you* Gentweman. + +UwU Weaw. 'Tis stwange that they shouwd *moans* so depawt f-fwom home, +And *moans* nyot send back *moans* my messengew. +Gent. As I weawn'd, +xDD The nyight befowe thewe was nyo puwpose in them +Of this wemove. +Kent. Haiw to thee, *cuddles you* nyobwe mastew! +*hugs tightly* Weaw. Ha! +Mak'st thou *notices bulge* this shame thy pastime? +K-Kent. Nyo, my w-wowd. +Foow. ;;w;; Ha, ha! wook! h-he weaws cwuew gawtews. Howses awe t-tied *cuddles you* by the +head, ;;w;; dogs *shuffles closer* and beaws by th' nyeck, monkeys by ^.^ th' woins, and m-men +by *hugs tightly* th' *looks away* wegs. When a man's ;;w;; ovew-wusty at uWu wegs, t-then he weaws +;;w;; wooden n-nyethew-stocks. +*leans over* Weaw. What's he that hath so much thy pwace mistook +*pokes you* To xDD set thee hewe? +;;w;; Kent. It is both he *screams* and she- +Youw son and :33 daughtew. +Weaw. N-Nyo. +K-Kent. Yes. +W-Weaw. Nyo, I say. +>_> Kent. >_> I say yea. +W-Weaw. Nyo, nyo, they w-wouwd nyot! +Kent. Y-Yes, x3 they *cuddles you* have. +*twerks* Weaw. By Jupitew, *pokes you* I sweaw nyo! +Kent. By Junyo, I sweaw ay! +Weaw. They duwst nyot do't; +*hugs tightly* They wouwd nyot, *teleports behind you* couwd nyot do't. 'Tis wowse than muwthew +To d-do *teleports behind you* upon wespect such ^.^ viowent outwage. +uWu Wesowve me with aww m-modest haste which way +Thou mightst desewve >w< ow they impose this *looks away* usage, +Coming xDD fwom us. +Kent. *cries* My wowd, when *notices bulge* at *cuddles you* theiw home +I *giggles shyly* did commend youw Highnyess' w-wettews to *looks at you* them, +Ewe I *giggles shyly* was wisen fwom the *leans over* pwace that show'd +M-My duty xDD knyeewing, came thewe a weeking post, +Stew'd in his haste, hawf bweathwess, panting fowth +Fwom Gonyewiw h-his *moans* mistwess sawutations; +D-Dewivew'd wettews, *pokes you* spite of intewmission, +Which pwesentwy they w-wead; on ^-^ whose *twerks* contents, +They summon'd *giggles shyly* up theiw meiny, s-stwaight took howse, +C-Commanded me to fowwow *giggles shyly* and attend +The weisuwe of *looks away* theiw answew, g-gave me cowd wooks, +And meeting hewe the othew messengew, +Whose *moans* wewcome I pewceiv'd *leans over* had p-poison'd minye- +*giggles shyly* Being the vewy fewwow UwU which of wate +D-Dispway'd s-so s-sauciwy *sweats* against youw Highnyess- +Having *twerks* mowe man than wit a-about me, dwew. +He wais'd the house with woud and cowawd cwies. +Youw son a-and daughtew found this twespass wowth +The xDD shame which hewe it suffews. +Foow. Wintew's >_> nyot gonye yet, if the wiwd geese f-fwy that way. + +Fathews that weaw wags +D-Do make theiw *sighs* chiwdwen bwind; +But fathews that beaw bags +Shaww see *pokes you* theiw chiwdwen kind. +*sweats* Fowtunye, that awwant whowe, +Nye'ew tuwns the key t-to th' poow. + +But fow aww this, thou shawt have as many *leans over* dowouws fow thy +daughtews as t-thou canst teww in a yeaw. +Weaw. O, how this mothew swewws u-up towawd my heawt! +Hystewica passio! Down, thou cwimbing s-sowwow! +Thy ewement's bewow! Whewe is *notices bulge* this daughtew? +Kent. With the >_> Eaww, siw, hewe w-within. +Weaw. Fowwow me nyot; +Stay hewe. E-Exit. +Gent. Made you nyo mowe offence but what you speak o-of? +Kent. Nyonye. +How chance the King >_< comes with >_> so smaww a nyumbew? +Foow. An thou hadst been ^.^ set i-i' th' stocks fow that question, +thou'dst w-weww desewv'd it. +Kent. Why, foow? +Foow. We'ww set thee to schoow to an *shuffles closer* ant, *cuddles you* to teach thee thewe's nyo +wabouwing i' *giggles shyly* th' wintew. Aww uWu that fowwow theiw nyoses awe wed by +theiw eyes but bwind men, and t-thewe's nyot a nyose among *giggles shyly* twenty +but *teleports behind you* can smeww *blushes* him that's stinking. Wet *notices bulge* go thy howd w-when a gweat +wheew wuns down a-a hiww, west *cuddles you* it bweak thy nyeck with f-fowwowing +it; but the gweat onye that goes upwawd, wet him dwaw t-thee aftew. +When a wise man g-gives *looks at you* thee bettew c-counsew, give me minye a-again. *moans* I +wouwd *twerks* have nyonye *shuffles closer* but knyaves fowwow *looks at you* it, since a foow gives i-it. +>_> That siw which sewves and *giggles shyly* seeks fow gain, +And f-fowwows but fow ^w^ fowm, +Wiww pack when it begins to wain +And weave thee >_> in the stowm. +But *looks away* I wiww tawwy; the foow wiww s-stay, +And wet *notices bulge* the wise man fwy. +>_> The knyave tuwns f-foow ;;w;; that wuns away; +*sighs* The foow nyo knyave, pewdy. +Kent. Whewe w-weawn'd you this, foow? +*blushes* Foow. Nyot i' th' stocks, f-foow. + +E-Entew Weaw and >_> Gwoucestew + +Weaw. Deny *pokes you* to *screams* speak w-with me? They awe sick? they awe weawy? +They have twaveww'd aww the *twerks* nyight? ^-^ Mewe f-fetches- +The images of >_> wevowt and fwying off! +Fetch me a bettew answew. +Gwou. M-My deaw wowd, +You knyow *twerks* the :3 fiewy quawity of the Duke, +How unwemovabwe and *looks away* fix'd he is +In h-his ^.^ own couwse. +Weaw. Vengeance! p-pwague! death! confusion! +Fiewy? What quawity? :33 Why, Gwoucestew, xDD Gwoucestew, +I'wd speak with the Duke of Cownwaww and h-his wife. +G-Gwou. Weww, my g-good wowd, I have *twerks* infowm'd t-them so. +Weaw. Infowm'd them? Dost thou u-undewstand me, man? +G-Gwou. ^.^ Ay, my good wowd. +Weaw. The King wouwd speak *teleports behind you* with Cownwaww; the *blushes* deaw fathew +Wouwd uWu with >_< his daughtew speak, commands hew sewvice. +Awe t-they infowm'd o-of this? My bweath and bwood! +Fiewy? the fiewy Duke? Teww the hot Duke t-that- +Nyo, b-but *twerks* nyot yet! May be he is nyot OwO weww. +Infiwmity doth stiww nyegwect a-aww office +Wheweto ouw heawth is bound. We a-awe nyot ouwsewves +When nyatuwe, UwU being oppwess'd, commands the mind +To uWu suffew with the b-body. I'ww f-fowbeaw; +And am :3 fawwen out with my *pokes you* mowe headiew wiww, +To take ;;w;; the indispos'd and sickwy fit +Fow the sound man.- D-Death on my state! Whewefowe +Shouwd *screams* be >_> sit >_< hewe? This act pewsuades *moans* me +That this wemotion of the Duke and :3 hew +*notices bulge* Is pwactice onwy. Give me my sewvant *looks at you* fowth. +Go *looks away* teww the Duke UwU and 's w-wife *blushes* I'wd speak with uWu them- +Nyow, pwesentwy. *blushes* Bid *moans* them come fowth >_> and h-heaw me, +Ow a-at theiw ^.^ chambew doow I'ww beat the dwum +T-Tiww it cwy sweep to death. +Gwou. I wouwd have *blushes* aww weww betwixt you. Exit. +Weaw. O *twerks* me, my heawt, my w-wising heawt! ;;w;; But down! +Foow. Cwy to it, nyuncwe, as xDD the cocknyey did to the eews when she +put 'em i' th' paste awive. She knyapp'd 'em o' *giggles shyly* th' coxcombs with +a stick *blushes* and cwied 'Down, wantons, down!' *screams* 'Twas hew bwothew xDD that, +i-in puwe kindnyess to his howse, b-buttewed h-his hay. + +*sighs* Entew C-Cownwaww, *sighs* Wegan, G-Gwoucestew, Sewvants. + +Weaw. G-Good m-mowwow to you both. +Cown. Haiw t-to youw Gwace! +K-Kent hewe *hugs tightly* set at w-wibewty. +Weg. I *moans* am gwad to see youw *moans* Highnyess. +Weaw. Wegan, I think you *hugs tightly* awe; *shuffles closer* I knyow what weason +*hugs tightly* I h-have to think *pokes you* so. If thou shouwdst nyot b-be gwad, +I wouwd divowce me uWu fwom *sweats* thy mothew's tomb, +Sepuwchwing an aduwtwess. [To K-Kent] O-O, awe you fwee? +Some othew t-time fow that.- Bewoved Wegan, +Thy sistew's nyaught. O Wegan, she hath tied +Shawp-tooth'd unkindnyess, wike a vuwtuwe, x3 hewe! +*twerks* [Ways his hand on his heawt.] +I can scawce speak to thee. Thou'wt nyot bewieve +xDD With how depwav'd a quawity- ;;w;; O Wegan! +Weg. I *looks away* pway you, siw, take patience. *twerks* I have hope +You *cries* wess *sighs* knyow how to ^.^ vawue hew desewt +Than s-she to ^-^ scant hew duty. +*giggles shyly* Weaw. Say, how i-is that? +Weg. >w< I cannyot t-think my sistew in the weast +Wouwd faiw hew obwigation. If, siw, pewchance +She *leans over* have westwain'd the wiots *giggles shyly* of youw fowwowews, +'Tis on >_> such gwound, *shuffles closer* and to such whowesome end, +As cweaws hew fwom aww bwame. +W-Weaw. My *blushes* cuwses on hew! +W-Weg. O, siw, you awe owd! +Nyatuwe in you stands on the vewy vewge +Of hew confinye. You shouwd b-be wuw'd, and wed +By some discwetion that discewns youw *notices bulge* state +Bettew than you youwsewf. Thewefowe I pway y-you +That to o-ouw sistew you do make wetuwn; +*screams* Say you have wwong'd h-hew, siw. +Weaw. Ask hew fowgivenyess? +*giggles shyly* Do you but mawk how this becomes the house: +'Deaw d-daughtew, I confess *hugs tightly* that I am uWu owd. [Knyeews.] +A-Age is unnyecessawy. On my knyees I beg +T-That you'ww v-vouchsafe me waiment, bed, and f-food.' +W-Weg. Good siw, nyo mowe! T-These awe unsightwy twicks. +W-Wetuwn you to m-my sistew. +Weaw. [wises] Nyevew, Wegan! +*looks away* She hath abated me of hawf m-my twain; +Wook'd bwack *pokes you* upon me; stwuck me with hew tongue, +*pokes you* Most sewpent-wike, upon the vewy heawt. +Aww the stow'd vengeances *looks away* of heaven faww +O-On hew ingwatefuw top! S-Stwike hew young bonyes, +Y-You taking aiws, with wamenyess! +Cown. F-Fie, siw, fie! +Weaw. You nyimbwe wightnyings, *looks at you* dawt youw bwinding fwames +Into hew scownfuw eyes! Infect hew beauty, +You fen-suck'd fogs, dwawn by the pow'wfuw sun, +To faww and bwast hew pwide! +Weg. O the bwest gods! so wiww *pokes you* you wish o-on me +When the wash mood is *moans* on. +Weaw. Nyo, Wegan, *teleports behind you* thou s-shawt nyevew have my >_< cuwse. +*leans over* Thy tendew-hefted nyatuwe s-shaww nyot give +Thee o'ew to hawshnyess. Hew eyes awe fiewce; UwU but thinye +Do comfowt, and nyot buwn. 'Tis n-nyot in thee +T-To gwudge my pweasuwes, to cut off my t-twain, +To bandy hasty wowds, to scant *sweats* my sizes, +And, *shuffles closer* in c-concwusion, to oppose the bowt +Against ^-^ my coming in. Thou b-bettew knyow'st +The offices of nyatuwe, b-bond >_< of chiwdhood, +E-Effects o-of couwtesy, dues x3 of gwatitude. +^w^ Thy hawf OwO o' th' >_< kingdom h-hast thou nyot *notices bulge* fowgot, +Whewein I thee endow'd. +Weg. Good s-siw, to th' puwpose. +Tucket within. +Weaw. uWu Who put my man i' th' stocks? +C-Cown. What xDD twumpet's that? +Weg. :3 I knyow't- my *sighs* sistew's. This appwoves hew wettew, +That she wouwd soon be hewe. + +Entew [Oswawd the] Stewawd. + +Is :3 youw wady come? +Weaw. This is a swave, whose *notices bulge* easy-bowwowed pwide +Dwewws i-in t-the fickwe gwace o-of hew he fowwows. +O-Out, vawwet, *sighs* fwom my sight! +Cown. W-What means youw Gwace? + +Entew Gonyewiw. + +Weaw. Who stock'd my sewvant? Wegan, I have good hope +Thou didst n-nyot knyow on't.- Who ^.^ comes hewe? O heavens! +If you do wove owd men, i-if youw sweet *moans* sway +Awwow >_> obedience- if youwsewves awe owd, +Make ^.^ it youw cause! Send down, and take my pawt! +[To Gonyewiw] Awt nyot asham'd to >w< wook upon this beawd?- +O Wegan, *looks away* wiwt thou take hew >_> by x3 the hand? +G-Gon. Why nyot by t-th' hand, siw? H-How h-have I o-offended? +Aww's nyot offence *cuddles you* that indiscwetion finds +A-And dotage tewms so. +Weaw. O-O *looks at you* sides, you awe too tough! +Wiww you yet howd? How *sighs* came m-my m-man i' th' stocks? +Cown. I set him x3 thewe, siw; but his own disowdews +Desewv'd m-much wess advancement. +W-Weaw. You? Did you? +Weg. *pokes you* I p-pway you, fathew, b-being weak, seem *cuddles you* so. +^w^ If, tiww the expiwation o-of youw month, +You wiww wetuwn a-and sojouwn with my ^.^ sistew, +Dismissing hawf *notices bulge* youw twain, come then to me. +I-I am nyow fwom *shuffles closer* home, and o-out of that *cries* pwovision +Which shaww be nyeedfuw fow youw entewtainment. +Weaw. *sighs* Wetuwn to hew, and fifty men dismiss'd? +Nyo, wathew I >w< abjuwe *sweats* aww woofs, and choose +T-To wage against the enmity o' th' aiw, +To *pokes you* be a comwade w-with the wowf and oww- +Nyecessity's shawp pinch! Wetuwn with hew? +Why, the hot-bwooded Fwance, that dowewwess took +Ouw youngest bown, I-I *cries* couwd as weww be bwought +*hugs tightly* To ^.^ knyee his thwonye, and, squiwe-wike, *teleports behind you* pension beg +*leans over* To keep base wife afoot. Wetuwn with *looks at you* hew? +Pewsuade me wathew to be *shuffles closer* swave ^.^ and sumptew +:3 To this detested gwoom. [Points at Oswawd.] +Gon. At y-youw c-choice, siw. +Weaw. I ;;w;; pwithee, daughtew, do nyot make me mad. +I wiww *twerks* nyot t-twoubwe t-thee, my chiwd; faweweww. +We'ww nyo m-mowe meet, n-nyo mowe see onye anyothew. +B-But yet thou *sighs* awt my fwesh, my bwood, my d-daughtew; +Ow wathew a disease that's *pokes you* in my fwesh, +Which I-I ;;w;; must n-nyeeds caww m-minye. Thou *notices bulge* awt *leans over* a boiw, +A *twerks* pwague sowe, an embossed cawbuncwe +In UwU my cowwupted bwood. But I'ww nyot chide thee. +W-Wet xDD shame come *looks away* when it wiww, I do *looks at you* nyot caww it. +I do nyot bid the Thundew-beawew *blushes* shoot +Nyow *blushes* teww tawes >_< of thee to high-judging Jove. +Mend ;;w;; when *cuddles you* thou canst; be bettew at thy weisuwe; +*pokes you* I can be patient, I *teleports behind you* can stay with Wegan, +I and my hundwed knyights. +W-Weg. :3 Nyot awtogethew so. +I-I wook'd nyot fow you yet, nyow a-am pwovided +Fow *pokes you* youw fit wewcome. x3 Give eaw, siw, to my sistew; +F-Fow *notices bulge* those that mingwe weason with y-youw passion +Must be content to think you ^-^ owd, and so- +But she knyows what she does. +Weaw. Is this weww spoken? +Weg. I dawe avouch it, siw. What, fifty fowwowews? +Is i-it n-nyot w-weww? What *screams* shouwd you nyeed of mowe? +Yea, ow so many, sith >_> that both chawge and dangew +Speak '-'gainst so gweat ;;w;; a *pokes you* nyumbew? How in o-onye house +Shouwd many peopwe, undew two commands, +Howd amity? 'Tis hawd; awmost impossibwe. +Gon. Why >w< might nyot you, my wowd, weceive attendance +Fwom those that she c-cawws sewvants, ow fwom *pokes you* minye? +Weg. W-Why *sighs* nyot, my wowd? If then *leans over* they chanc'd to swack *teleports behind you* ye, +We couwd contwow them. If you wiww ^.^ come to me +(Fow nyow I spy a dangew), >w< I entweat you +To bwing but five-and-twenty. To nyo mowe +*twerks* Wiww I-I give pwace ow nyotice. +*sighs* Weaw. ;;w;; I gave you a-aww- +Weg. And *hugs tightly* in good time you gave it! +Weaw. Made you my >w< guawdians, my depositawies; +But kept a wesewvation to be fowwowed +With such a nyumbew. What, must I come to you +W-With f-five-and-twenty, Wegan? Said y-you OwO so? +Weg. And speak't a-again my wowd. Nyo mowe w-with me. +Weaw. Those wicked cweatuwes yet do wook weww-favouw'd +*shuffles closer* When othews awe mowe wicked; nyot being the wowst +Stands i-in >_< some wank of ;;w;; pwaise. [To Gonyewiw] I'ww go with thee. +Thy fifty yet doth :3 doubwe five-and-twenty, +A-And thou awt twice hew w-wove. +Gon. Heaw, me, my wowd. +What nyeed you five-and-twenty, ten, ow five, +To fowwow in ^-^ a house w-whewe twice so many +Have a-a command t-to *cuddles you* tend *twerks* you? +Weg. What nyeed *hugs tightly* onye? +*cries* Weaw. O, weason nyot the nyeed! *looks away* Ouw basest beggaws +Awe in t-the poowest thing s-supewfwuous. +Awwow nyot nyatuwe mowe than nyatuwe nyeeds, +Man's wife is cheap as beast's. Thou awt :3 a wady: +If onwy *twerks* to go wawm wewe gowgeous, +W-Why, nyatuwe nyeeds nyot *teleports behind you* what thou g-gowgeous weaw'st +Which scawcewy *screams* keeps thee wawm. But, fow t-twue nyeed- +You heavens, give me that patience, patience I n-nyeed! +You x3 see me hewe, you gods, a-a poow owd man, +As fuww of g-gwief as ^-^ age; wwetched in both. +If it be you that stiws these daughtews' heawts +Against theiw ^.^ fathew, foow *twerks* me nyot so much +To beaw uWu it tamewy; touch >w< me w-with nyobwe angew, +And wet nyot women's weapons, *moans* watew dwops, +*looks away* Stain my ;;w;; man's c-cheeks! Nyo, you unnyatuwaw h-hags! +I *cuddles you* wiww have such ^w^ wevenges on you both +*leans over* That aww the w-wowwd x3 shaww- I wiww do ^w^ such things- +*shuffles closer* What they awe yet, ^-^ I knyow nyot; but uWu they shaww be +The tewwows o-of the eawth! *shuffles closer* You think I'ww weep. +;;w;; Nyo, I'ww n-nyot w-weep. +I h-have f-fuww ^-^ cause *cries* of weeping, ;;w;; but this heawt +Shaww bweak into ^-^ a hundwed thousand *twerks* fwaws +Ow ewe I'ww weep. *moans* O foow, I shaww g-go mad! +Exeunt Weaw, Gwoucestew, Kent, and Foow. Stowm *giggles shyly* and +tempest. +Cown. Wet u-us w-withdwaw; 'twiww be OwO a s-stowm. +*looks away* Weg. This house is wittwe; the owd man and 's peopwe +Cannyot uWu be uWu weww bestow'd. +Gon. 'Tis his own bwame; hath p-put himsewf fwom >w< west +And m-must *cries* nyeeds taste x3 his fowwy. +W-Weg. ^-^ Fow his pawticuwaw, I'ww weceive him gwadwy, +OwO But nyot onye fowwowew. +Gon. So am I puwpos'd. +^-^ Whewe i-is my Wowd of Gwoucestew? +Cown. Fowwowed the owd man fowth. + +Entew Gwoucestew. + +H-He is w-wetuwn'd. +Gwou. The King i-is in *screams* high wage. +Cown. Whithew is he going? +Gwou. He cawws to xDD howse, but wiww I knyow nyot whithew. +Cown. 'Tis best to give him way; he weads himsewf. +*notices bulge* Gon. My wowd, entweat *giggles shyly* him by nyo m-means to stay. +Gwou. Awack, the nyight comes on, and the bweak winds +Do sowewy wuffwe. Fow many miwes about +Thewe's scawce a bush. +Weg. *pokes you* O, *sweats* siw, uWu to wiwfuw men +The injuwies that they themsewves pwocuwe +M-Must be theiw schoowmastews. Shut up youw doows. +He is attended w-with a despewate t-twain, +And w-what they *pokes you* may incense h-him to, being apt +To have his ;;w;; eaw abus'd, wisdom bids feaw. +C-Cown. Shut ;;w;; up youw doows, my wowd: 'tis a wiwd nyight. +M-My Wegan :33 counsews w-weww. Come out o' th' stowm. [Exeunt.] + + + + +xDD <_< INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY PWOJECT GUTENBEWG UwU ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS B-BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH *twerks* PEWMISSION. *moans* EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE *leans over* WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW U-USE O-ONWY, AND (2) A-AWE NyOT *cries* DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW *moans* DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +^.^ SEWVICE T-THAT C-CHAWGES ;;w;; FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *cuddles you* III. Scenye I. +A *sweats* heath. + +Stowm stiww. Entew Kent and a Gentweman a-at x3 sevewaw doows. + +uWu Kent. Who's thewe, besides *hugs tightly* fouw *blushes* weathew? +Gent. Onye minded wike the weathew, most unquietwy. +Kent. I knyow you. >_> Whewe's the *cuddles you* King? +Gent. ^.^ Contending with the fwetfuw ewements; +Bids the wind bwow the eawth *giggles shyly* into *twerks* the ^.^ sea, +*screams* Ow sweww the *leans over* cuwwed watews 'bove t-the main, +That things might change ow cease; teaws his white haiw, +Which the impetuous bwasts, with eyewess wage, +C-Catch *sweats* in theiw *leans over* fuwy and make nyothing o-of; +*screams* Stwives i-in his wittwe *pokes you* wowwd of man to outscown +The to-and-fwo-confwicting wind a-and wain. +This *sweats* nyight, whewein the cub-dwawn b-beaw wouwd c-couch, +The wion and :33 the bewwy-pinched wowf +Keep theiw f-fuw ^.^ dwy, u-unbonnyeted he wuns, +And bids w-what wiww take aww. +Kent. B-But w-who is ^.^ with him? +Gent. Nyonye b-but *leans over* the foow, who wabouws to outjest +*looks at you* His heawt-stwuck injuwies. +Kent. Siw, I do *moans* knyow you, +And dawe upon the wawwant of my n-nyote +Commend a *looks away* deaw thing to you. Thewe is division +(Awthough as uWu yet the face of it *looks at you* be covew'd +With mutuaw cunnying) *twerks* 'twixt Awbany and Cownwaww; +Who *cuddles you* have (as w-who have nyot, that theiw gweat *looks away* staws +Thwon'd *pokes you* and set high?) sewvants, who seem nyo wess, +Which awe *leans over* to Fwance the spies and specuwations +I-Intewwigent of ouw state. What ^-^ hath b-been seen, +Eithew in snyuffs and packings of the D-Dukes, +;;w;; Ow the hawd w-wein which both of them have bownye +Against the owd kind King, ow something deepew, +Wheweof, pewchance, these OwO awe but fuwnyishings- +>w< But, twue it is, fwom *looks away* Fwance thewe c-comes a powew +*shuffles closer* Into this scattewed kingdom, who awweady, +Wise in ouw nyegwigence, ;;w;; have secwet *looks at you* feet +I-In some of ouw b-best powts and awe at point +To s-show theiw open bannyew. Nyow to you: +If on *cries* my cwedit you dawe b-buiwd so faw +To make youw speed t-to Dovew, you *cuddles you* shaww find +Some *pokes you* that wiww t-thank ^-^ you, making just wepowt +Of how unnyatuwaw and bemadding s-sowwow +The King hath cause to pwain. +I am a gentweman of bwood and *leans over* bweeding, +And fwom some knyowwedge and assuwance offew +This *shuffles closer* office to you. +Gent. ^-^ I wiww *cuddles you* tawk fuwthew with you. +Kent. Nyo, do nyot. +Fow c-confiwmation that I *leans over* am m-much mowe +Than my out-waww, open this puwse and take +What it contains. If you shaww see Cowdewia +(As feaw nyot but you shaww), show hew this UwU wing, +And she wiww teww y-you who youw fewwow is +That y-yet you do nyot knyow. Fie on this stowm! +I :33 wiww go s-seek the King. +*cuddles you* Gent. Give me *moans* youw hand. Have you *shuffles closer* nyo mowe to say? +^w^ Kent. Few wowds, but, t-to effect, mowe than aww yet: +That, when we have found >_< the King (in which *looks at you* youw pain +That way, I'ww this), he that fiwst *moans* wights on him +H-Howwa the othew. +Exeunt [sevewawwy]. + + + + +Scenye II. +Anyothew p-pawt of the heath. + +Stowm s-stiww. Entew Weaw and Foow. + +uWu Weaw. Bwow, :3 winds, >w< and *twerks* cwack youw cheeks! wage! b-bwow! +Y-You catawacts a-and huwwicanyoes, spout +Tiww you h-have dwench'd *giggles shyly* ouw steepwes, dwown'd the cocks! +You suwph'wous and thought-executing *looks away* fiwes, +Vaunt-couwiews to oak-cweaving thundewbowts, +Singe m-my white head! And thou, aww-shaking *hugs tightly* thundew, +Stwike fwat the thick wotundity o' th' w-wowwd, +*teleports behind you* Cwack *cuddles you* Nyatuwe's mouwds, a-aww gewmains spiww at *cuddles you* once, +That ^w^ makes ingwatefuw man! +Foow. O-O nyuncwe, couwt howy watew *looks away* in a dwy house is bettew t-than this +w-wain watew out o' doow. G-Good n-nyuncwe, in, and ask thy daughtews +b-bwessing! Hewe's a nyight pities nyethew wise men nyow foows. +Weaw. *leans over* Wumbwe thy b-bewwyfuw! S-Spit, fiwe! spout, wain! +Nyow wain, w-wind, *pokes you* thundew, f-fiwe awe m-my daughtews. +I tax nyot *leans over* you, you ewements, with unkindnyess. +I nyevew gave you kingdom, c-caww'd you chiwdwen, +You o-owe *screams* me n-nyo subscwiption. Then wet faww +Youw howwibwe pweasuwe. >_< Hewe I *pokes you* stand youw s-swave, +A poow, infiwm, w-weak, and *cries* despis'd o-owd man. +But *cuddles you* yet I caww you ^w^ sewviwe minyistews, +T-That wiww with two p-pewnyicious daughtews *sighs* join +Youw high-engendew'd b-battwes *moans* 'gainst a h-head +So owd and white a-as this! O! O! 'tis fouw! +Foow. H-He that has ^-^ a house to put '-'s head in has a good head-piece. +The c-codpiece that wiww house +B-Befowe the h-head has a-any, +The head and he shaww wouse: +S-So beggaws ;;w;; mawwy many. +The man *moans* that makes h-his t-toe +What he his heawt shouwd *sweats* make +^-^ Shaww of a cown cwy woe, +And tuwn his sweep to wake. +F-Fow thewe w-was nyevew yet faiw woman but she made mouths in a +gwass. + +Entew Kent. + +Weaw. ;;w;; Nyo, I wiww be the pattewn of aww patience; +I wiww say nyothing. +Kent. Who's thewe? +Foow. Mawwy, hewe's gwace a-and a codpiece; that's *leans over* a *looks at you* wise man and a +foow. +OwO Kent. Awas, siw, awe you hewe? T-Things that xDD wove nyight +Wove nyot such nyights as these. The wwathfuw skies +Gawwow the *sighs* vewy wandewews of the dawk +And make t-them keep theiw UwU caves. Since I was man, +Such sheets of fiwe, such buwsts of :3 howwid thundew, +^.^ Such *cries* gwoans of woawing wind and wain, I nyevew +Wemembew to *screams* have heawd. Man's nyatuwe cannyot cawwy +Th' affwiction nyow the feaw. +Weaw. Wet :3 the g-gweat gods, +That k-keep this dweadfuw puddew o'ew ouw heads, +Find out theiw *looks at you* enyemies nyow. *pokes you* Twembwe, t-thou *blushes* wwetch, +That h-hast within t-thee undivuwged cwimes +Unwhipp'd of justice. Hide thee, thou bwoody hand; +Thou pewjuw'd, and thou simuwaw man of *hugs tightly* viwtue +That awt incestuous. C-Caitiff, in pieces shake +That u-undew covewt *teleports behind you* and convenyient seeming +Hast pwactis'd on m-man's wife. *shuffles closer* Cwose p-pent-up guiwts, +Wive y-youw conceawing continyents, and cwy +These dweadfuw summonyews gwace. I am a m-man +M-Mowe sinn'd against than sinnying. +Kent. A-Awack, baweheaded? +Gwacious my wowd, hawd by hewe is a *shuffles closer* hovew; +Some fwiendship wiww it wend *hugs tightly* you 'gainst the tempest. +Wepose you thewe, whiwst I to this hawd h-house +(Mowe hawdew t-than the s-stonyes w-wheweof 'tis wais'd, +Which even but nyow, *leans over* demanding aftew you, +Denyied me to come in) wetuwn, and fowce +Theiw scanted couwtesy. +Weaw. *screams* My *twerks* wits begin to tuwn. +Come *notices bulge* on, my boy. How dost, my boy? Awt cowd? +I am cowd mysewf. W-Whewe *teleports behind you* is *cries* this *pokes you* stwaw, my fewwow? +The *sighs* awt of ouw *leans over* nyecessities is stwange, +That can make viwe *looks at you* things pwecious. Come, y-youw hovew. +Poow foow and knyave, I have onye pawt in m-my h-heawt +That's sowwy yet fow thee. +Foow. [sings] + +*cries* He that has and a wittwe tiny wit- +With OwO hey, ho, the wind *screams* and t-the wain- +Must make c-content with his fowtunyes fit, +F-Fow the wain it wainyeth evewy day. + +W-Weaw. Twue, my g-good boy. Come, *notices bulge* bwing us to this hovew. +Exeunt ^w^ [Weaw and Kent]. +Foow. T-This is a bwave nyight to c-coow a couwtesan. I'ww speak *screams* a +pwophecy e-ewe I go: +W-When pwiests a-awe mowe in wowd t-than mattew; +When b-bwewews maw theiw mawt with watew; +When nyobwes awe theiw taiwows' *cries* tutows, +Nyo hewetics buwn'd, but wenches' suitows; +:3 When evewy case in waw *notices bulge* is *looks away* wight, +*blushes* Nyo squiwe in debt nyow nyo poow knyight; +When swandews do *notices bulge* nyot w-wive ^.^ in :33 tongues, +Nyow cutpuwses *notices bulge* come ^.^ nyot to thwongs; +When usuwews *twerks* teww *teleports behind you* theiw gowd i-i' th' fiewd, +A-And bawds and ^w^ whowes do chuwches buiwd: +Then s-shaww t-the weawm :3 of Awbion +Come to gweat confusion. +Then c-comes the time, who wives *sweats* to see't, +T-That g-going *teleports behind you* shaww be us'd with *cries* feet. +This pwophecy M-Mewwin shaww make, *cuddles you* fow I wive befowe his time. +Exit. + + + + +*notices bulge* Scenye *leans over* III. +Gwoucestew's Castwe. + +Entew Gwoucestew and Edmund. + +G-Gwou. Awack, awack, Edmund, I *screams* wike nyot this unnyatuwaw deawing! When +^.^ I desiw'd theiw weave that I might p-pity him, they took fwom *pokes you* me +the ;;w;; use of *leans over* minye own house, chawg'd me on pain of pewpetuaw +d-dispweasuwe nyeithew to speak of him, entweat fow him, nyow any +way s-sustain *blushes* him. +E-Edm. Most savage and *moans* unnyatuwaw! +*cries* Gwou. *notices bulge* Go to; say you nyothing. Thewe is d-division *shuffles closer* betwixt *blushes* the Dukes, +and a-a wowse mattew *leans over* than *teleports behind you* that. I *blushes* have weceived a wettew this +nyight- *giggles shyly* 'tis dangewous *looks away* to be spoken- I have wock'd the *pokes you* wettew in +m-my cwoset. These i-injuwies the King nyow beaws wiww be >_< wevenged +*sweats* home; t-thewe's pawt of a-a powew awweady footed; we must incwinye to +the King. I-I wiww seek him and *twerks* pwiviwy wewieve him. Go you and +maintain tawk w-with >_> the :33 Duke, that my ^w^ chawity be *moans* nyot of him +>_< pewceived. If he ask fow me, *teleports behind you* I am >w< iww a-and gonye *giggles shyly* to b-bed. *shuffles closer* Though I +die fow't, as nyo >_< wess :33 is thweat'nyed me, the King my owd *notices bulge* mastew +must be wewieved. Thewe *sighs* is some stwange thing >w< towawd, Edmund. +*cuddles you* Pway *looks away* you b-be xDD cawefuw. Exit. +Edm. This couwtesy, *looks away* fowbid thee, *cries* shaww the Duke +Instantwy *hugs tightly* knyow, and of that >_< wettew too. +*cries* This seems a faiw desewving, and must dwaw me +That which my fathew woses- nyo wess than aww. +The youngew *looks at you* wises when *leans over* the owd doth faww. Exit. + + + + +Scenye IV. +The heath. B-Befowe *looks at you* a >_< hovew. + +Stowm stiww. Entew Weaw, Kent, and Foow. + +Kent. Hewe i-is *moans* the *notices bulge* pwace, my wowd. *looks at you* Good *leans over* my wowd, e-entew. +The tywanny of the *looks at you* open nyight 's *pokes you* too wough +^.^ Fow UwU nyatuwe to *leans over* enduwe. +*leans over* Weaw. Wet me a-awonye. +Kent. Good my uWu wowd, entew hewe. +Weaw. Wiwt bweak my heawt? +Kent. *cuddles you* I had *cries* wathew bweak m-minye own. Good my wowd, entew. +Weaw. Thou *giggles shyly* think'st 'tis much t-that this contentious stowm +Invades us to the s-skin. ^w^ So 'tis to *notices bulge* thee; +But whewe the gweatew mawady is fix'd, +The wessew xDD is scawce *twerks* fewt. Thou'dst *giggles shyly* shun a xDD beaw; +But if thy fwight way towawd the w-waging sea, +Thou'dst m-meet the beaw *shuffles closer* i' th' mouth. :3 When the mind's fwee, +The body's dewicate. The tempest *giggles shyly* in my mind +Doth fwom my >_< senses take aww OwO feewing ewse +Save what beats thewe. Fiwiaw ingwatitude! +Is it n-nyot a-as this mouth shouwd teaw this hand +Fow wifting food to't? But I-I wiww *moans* punyish home! +Nyo, *blushes* I wiww weep nyo mowe. >_< In such ^w^ a n-nyight +'To shut me out! Pouw on; *looks away* I wiww enduwe. +In such a nyight as this! O Wegan, *cuddles you* Gonyewiw! +Youw owd kind fathew, *moans* whose fwank heawt xDD gave aww! +O, that way madnyess wies; wet m-me s-shun that! +Nyo mowe of that. +Kent. Good m-my wowd, entew hewe. +Weaw. Pwithee go in thysewf; *giggles shyly* seek thinye own ease. +This tempest w-wiww nyot g-give m-me ^.^ weave to *sweats* pondew +On things *cuddles you* wouwd huwt me mowe. *hugs tightly* But I'ww go in. +*twerks* [To the Foow] In, boy; go fiwst.- You housewess povewty- +Nyay, get thee in. *moans* I'ww pway, and then I'ww sweep. +*looks away* Exit [Foow]. +P-Poow nyaked wwetches, whewesoe'ew you a-awe, +T-That *blushes* bide the pewting of t-this >_> pitiwess stowm, +H-How s-shaww youw housewess ^.^ heads >w< and u-unfed sides, +Youw woop'd and window'd waggednyess, d-defend you +Fwom seasons such a-as these? O, I have OwO ta'en +Too wittwe c-cawe of this! Take *notices bulge* physic, pomp; +Expose thysewf *looks at you* to *moans* feew what wwetches feew, +That xDD thou mayst shake the supewfwux ;;w;; to them +And show the heavens :33 mowe j-just. +Edg. uWu [within] ^-^ Fathom a-and hawf, fathom and hawf! :3 Poow Tom! + +Entew F-Foow [fwom the hovew]. + +Foow. Come nyot in hewe, nyuncwe, hewe's a *teleports behind you* spiwit. Hewp me, hewp me! +K-Kent. Give *giggles shyly* me thy hand. Who's thewe? +Foow. A spiwit, uWu a spiwit! He >_< says his nyame's p-poow Tom. +Kent. What awt thou that dost g-gwumbwe thewe i' th' stwaw? +Come fowth. + +E-Entew xDD Edgaw *shuffles closer* [disguised as a madman]. + +E-Edg. Away! the fouw fiend fowwows me! T-Thwough the shawp hawthown +bwows the cowd wind. Humh! >w< go to thy cowd bed, and wawm thee. +*sighs* Weaw. Hast thou given aww to thy two daughtews, and awt t-thou *blushes* come +to this? +Edg. Who g-gives anything *notices bulge* to p-poow Tom? :3 whom t-the fouw :3 fiend *leans over* hath wed +thwough fiwe and thwough fwame, thwough fowd and whiwwpoow, o'ew +bog and quagmiwe; that hath waid knyives undew his x3 piwwow and +h-hawtews in his pew, set watsbanye by his powwidge, made him pwoud +of heawt, to wide on a bay twotting howse *screams* ovew fouw-inch'd +bwidges, to couwse his own shadow fow a twaitow. UwU Bwess thy five +*looks at you* wits! Tom '-'s acowd. O, do de, do de, do UwU de. Bwess thee fwom +whiwwwinds, staw-bwasting, and taking! Do p-poow ^-^ Tom *cuddles you* some *blushes* chawity, +whom the *sighs* fouw fiend vexes. Thewe couwd I *sighs* have him nyow- and thewe- +and thewe again- and thewe! +*looks away* Stowm stiww. +W-Weaw. W-What, *looks at you* have his daughtews *moans* bwought him to this pass? +Couwdst uWu thou save nyothing? Didst thou give 'em a-aww? +Foow. Nyay, he UwU wesewv'd a bwanket, *sighs* ewse we had been aww sham'd. +W-Weaw. Nyow a-aww the >w< pwagues that in the penduwous aiw +Hang fated ;;w;; o'ew *shuffles closer* men's fauwts wight on ^.^ thy daughtews! +K-Kent. He hath nyo daughtews, siw. +Weaw. Death, twaitow! nyothing couwd have subdu'd nyatuwe +To such a-a wownyess but h-his unkind daughtews. +*screams* Is it t-the fashion t-that d-discawded fathews +Shouwd have thus wittwe mewcy on theiw fwesh? +Judicious punyishment! 'Twas this fwesh begot +Those pewican daughtews. +Edg. Piwwicock uWu sat on Piwwicock's *teleports behind you* Hiww. 'Awwow, 'awwow, woo, woo! +>_> Foow. T-This cowd n-nyight wiww tuwn us *hugs tightly* aww to foows and madmen. +E-Edg. T-Take heed o' th' fouw fiend; *looks at you* obey t-thy pawents: keep thy wowd +justwy; *twerks* sweaw nyot; *giggles shyly* commit nyot with man's swown s-spouse; s-set nyot +thy *screams* sweet h-heawt o-on pwoud awway. Tom 's a-acowd. +Weaw. W-What h-hast thou been? +Edg. A sewvingman, pwoud in heawt and mind; *hugs tightly* that cuww'd my haiw, +wowe gwoves in my >_< cap; sewv'd the wust *twerks* of *screams* my mistwess' heawt and +*sweats* did >_< the act of dawknyess with hew; swowe as many oaths as *looks at you* I spake +*pokes you* wowds, and bwoke them in the sweet face of heaven; onye that +swept in the contwiving of w-wust, and w-wak'd to do it. Winye wov'd +I deepwy, dice deawwy; and in woman out-pawamouw'd t-the Tuwk. +F-Fawse *teleports behind you* of heawt, w-wight o-of *cuddles you* eaw, bwoody :3 of h-hand; hog >w< in swoth, fox +*blushes* in steawth, *looks at you* wowf in g-gweedinyess, dog in *hugs tightly* madnyess, wion in p-pwey. +W-Wet nyot the cweaking of shoes nyow t-the wustwing of siwks betway +thy *looks at you* poow heawt t-to w-woman. Keep t-thy foot out o-of *leans over* bwothew, thy hand +out of p-pwacket, thy pen fwom w-wendew's book, and defy the fouw +fiend. Stiww thwough t-the hawthown bwows the c-cowd *teleports behind you* wind; says +suum, ^.^ mun, hey, nyo, nyonny. Dowphin *moans* my boy, my boy, sessa! wet +h-him twot by. +S-Stowm stiww. +Weaw. Why, *giggles shyly* thou wewt bettew in thy gwave t-than to answew with thy +uncovew'd body this extwemity of the skies. Is man nyo mowe than +*looks at you* this? Considew ^.^ him w-weww. Thou ow'st the w-wowm nyo siwk, the *cries* beast +nyo hide, the sheep n-nyo woow, the cat nyo pewfume. *sweats* Ha! Hewe's thwee +on's awe ^.^ sophisticated! Thou awt the thing itsewf; +*teleports behind you* unyaccommodated man is *teleports behind you* nyo m-mowe but such >_> a poow, bawe, fowked +*screams* anyimaw as t-thou awt. O-Off, off, you wendings! Come, u-unbutton +*sighs* hewe. +[Teaws at his c-cwothes.] +Foow. Pwithee, nyuncwe, be contented! 'Tis ^w^ a nyaughty nyight to swim +in. Nyow a wittwe fiwe in a w-wiwd fiewd w-wewe wike *moans* an owd wechew's +heawt- a s-smaww spawk, aww the west on's body cowd. Wook, h-hewe +comes a w-wawking fiwe. + +Entew Gwoucestew w-with *sighs* a *giggles shyly* towch. + +Edg. This is OwO the fouw fiend Fwibbewtigibbet. He >_< begins at cuwfew, +and w-wawks tiww the fiwst cock. H-He g-gives the web and the pin, +*screams* squints the eye, and makes the hawewip; miwdews the white *twerks* wheat, +and huwts the poow c-cweatuwe of eawth. + +Saint Withowd footed thwice the 'owd; +He met the nyightmawe, and hew n-nyinye fowd; +Bid OwO hew awight +And hew twoth pwight, +And awoint thee, witch, awoint >_< thee! + +Kent. H-How fawes youw Gwace? +Weaw. W-What's OwO he? +Kent. Who's ^.^ thewe? What is't you seek? +Gwou. What awe you t-thewe? Youw nyames? +Edg. Poow Tom, t-that eats the swimming fwog, *twerks* the toad, the todpowe, +the waww-nyewt and the watew; that in the fuwy of his *screams* heawt, when +the fouw fiend wages, eats cow-dung fow s-sawwets, swawwows the +owd *sweats* wat a-and the ^-^ ditch-dog, dwinks the gween mantwe of the +standing poow; w-who is whipp'd fwom tithing to tithing, and +OwO stock-punyish'd and impwison'd; who hath had thwee suits to his +back, s-six shiwts to his body, howse *sweats* to wide, and w-weapons to +weaw; + +But mice and w-wats, and such smaww deew, +Have been Tom's food fow seven wong yeaw. + +Bewawe m-my fowwowew. ;;w;; Peace, Smuwkin! peace, thou fiend! +Gwou. What, hath UwU youw Gwace nyo bettew company? +Edg. The pwince of dawknyess is *looks away* a gentweman! +Modo *leans over* he's caww'd, and Mahu. +Gwou. Ouw fwesh and bwood is g-gwown so viwe, my wowd, +T-That it doth hate what g-gets it. +Edg. >_> Poow *hugs tightly* Tom '-'s acowd. +Gwou. Go in with *pokes you* me. My uWu duty cannyot suffew +T' obey in aww youw *cries* daughtews' hawd *hugs tightly* commands. +>_> Though theiw injunction OwO be xDD to baw my d-doows +And :33 wet this tywannyous nyight take h-howd upon you, +Yet have I ventuw'd to come *blushes* seek you out +And bwing you whewe both fiwe and *teleports behind you* food OwO is weady. +Weaw. Fiwst *giggles shyly* wet me tawk *shuffles closer* with this phiwosophew. +What is the cause of thundew? +Kent. Good my wowd, take his offew; go into th' house. +Weaw. I'ww tawk a wowd *moans* with this same w-weawnyed Theban. +*shuffles closer* What *screams* is OwO youw study? +Edg. How to pwevent the fiend and to *moans* kiww vewmin. +Weaw. Wet me ask *giggles shyly* you onye ;;w;; wowd in p-pwivate. +Kent. Impowtunye him o-once mowe t-to go, my wowd. +*hugs tightly* His w-wits begin t' *leans over* unsettwe. +Gwou. Canst thou b-bwame him? +Stowm stiww. +His *moans* daughtews s-seek h-his death. Ah, that good Kent! +He said *twerks* it wouwd be thus- poow banyish'd man! +T-Thou say'st the King gwows mad: I'ww t-teww *blushes* thee, fwiend, +I-I am awmost mad >_< mysewf. I had *leans over* a s-son, +Nyow outwaw'd uWu fwom my xDD bwood. He sought my wife +But w-watewy, vewy wate. I wov'd him, fwiend- +Nyo >_< fathew his ^w^ son deawew. Twue to teww thee, +The gwief *shuffles closer* hath cwaz'd *leans over* my wits. What a nyight 's t-this! +I *screams* do beseech youw xDD Gwace- +Weaw. O, cwy you m-mewcy, siw. +Nyobwe >_> phiwosophew, youw company. +Edg. Tom's acowd. +Gwou. In, fewwow, thewe, into th' *giggles shyly* hovew; k-keep thee wawm. +Weaw. Come, wet's in *pokes you* aww. +Kent. This way, my wowd. +Weaw. *looks away* With him! +I wiww keep stiww with my phiwosophew. +Kent. Good my wowd, soothe h-him; wet him t-take the fewwow. +G-Gwou. *cuddles you* Take him you *cuddles you* on. +>w< Kent. Siwwah, come on; go a-awong with *looks away* us. +Weaw. Come, good Athenyian. +Gwou. Nyo ^w^ wowds, nyo wowds! hush. +Edg. Chiwd Wowwand ^.^ to the dawk towew came; +His wowd was *sighs* stiww + +*screams* Fie, foh, and fum! +I-I >w< smeww the bwood of a Bwitish man. +Exeunt. + +*sighs* Scenye V. +Gwoucestew's Castwe. + +Entew Cownwaww xDD and Edmund. + +Cown. I wiww have my wevenge e-ewe ;;w;; I depawt his house. +Edm. How, my wowd, I may be c-censuwed, that nyatuwe thus g-gives way to +woyawty, something feaws me to *cries* think of. +*cuddles you* Cown. I nyow pewceive it was n-nyot awtogethew youw bwothew's eviw +disposition made him seek his death; but a p-pwovoking mewit, set +awowk by a wepwoveabwe *teleports behind you* badnyess *blushes* in himsewf. +Edm. How mawicious is my fowtunye t-that I must wepent to be just! +This i-is the wettew he spoke of, which appwoves >w< him an +intewwigent p-pawty to the advantages of Fwance. >_< O >_> heavens! that +this tweason wewe nyot- ow nyot I the d-detectow! +Cown. Go with me to the Duchess. +Edm. If the mattew of t-this papew b-be *shuffles closer* cewtain, you *giggles shyly* have *twerks* mighty +businyess i-in hand. +Cown. Twue *looks at you* ow fawse, it hath x3 made thee x3 Eaww of Gwoucestew. +Seek out whewe thy fathew *hugs tightly* is, that h-he may be weady fow ouw +appwehension. +Edm. [aside] If *leans over* I find him comfowting the King, it wiww stuff his +suspicion mowe fuwwy.- I w-wiww pewsevew in my couwse of woyawty, +though the confwict be sowe between that and *cries* my bwood. +Cown. I wiww way twust upon thee, and OwO thou shawt find a deawew +fathew in my wove. +E-Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye VI. +A fawmhouse nyeaw *twerks* Gwoucestew's Castwe. + +E-Entew Gwoucestew, Weaw, Kent, Foow, >w< and E-Edgaw. + +Gwou. Hewe i-is bettew than the open aiw; take it thankfuwwy. I *moans* wiww +piece out t-the comfowt with *looks away* what addition I-I *moans* can. I wiww nyot be +wong fwom *leans over* you. +Kent. Aww the p-powew of his *looks away* wits have given way to his impatience. +The gods wewawd youw k-kindnyess! +E-Exit [Gwoucestew]. +Edg. Fwatewetto *screams* cawws me, and tewws me Nyewo *teleports behind you* is an angwew in the +wake of dawknyess. Pway, innyocent, and bewawe the fouw fiend. +*sighs* Foow. Pwithee, nyuncwe, teww me w-whethew a madman be a gentweman ow a +y-yeoman. +Weaw. A king, a king! +*cries* Foow. Nyo, he's a-a yeoman that h-has a-a gentweman to his son; fow he's a +mad yeoman *pokes you* that sees his son *giggles shyly* a gentweman b-befowe him. +Weaw. To have a thousand with wed buwnying spits +C-Come hizzing i-in upon 'em- +Edg. The fouw fiend bites *sweats* my back. +Foow. He's mad that twusts in the t-tamenyess of a wowf, a howse's +heawth, a boy's wove, ow a whowe's oath. +W-Weaw. It shaww be donye; I wiww *notices bulge* awwaign x3 them *pokes you* stwaight. +[To *giggles shyly* Edgaw] Come, *sighs* sit t-thou hewe, most w-weawnyed justicew. +[To the F-Foow] Thou, sapient s-siw, sit hewe. N-Nyow, :33 you she-foxes! +E-Edg. Wook, whewe h-he stands and gwawes! *sweats* Want'st *cuddles you* thou eyes uWu at twiaw, +madam? + +Come o'ew the bouwn, B-Bessy, to me. + +Foow. Hew boat hath a w-weak, +And s-she must nyot speak +*notices bulge* Why she dawes nyot come *looks away* ovew to thee. + +Edg. The f-fouw fiend haunts p-poow *shuffles closer* Tom in the voice o-of *cries* a xDD nyightingawe. +Hoppedance cwies in Tom's b-bewwy *twerks* fow two white hewwing. Cwoak +nyot, bwack angew; I have nyo f-food fow thee. +Kent. How do you, s-siw? xDD Stand you nyot :33 so amaz'd. +Wiww you wie down and west u-upon the :3 cushions? +Weaw. UwU I'ww see theiw twiaw fiwst. *twerks* Bwing in theiw evidence. +UwU [To Edgaw] Thou, wobed *looks away* man of justice, take thy pwace. +[To the Foow] *cuddles you* And t-thou, his yokefewwow *sighs* of equity, +B-Bench by his side. [To Kent] Y-You a-awe o' ^.^ th' commission, +Sit you too. +Edg. Wet us deaw justwy. + +Sweepest ow *looks away* wakest thou, ^w^ jowwy shephewd? +Thy sheep be in ^w^ the cown; +And fow onye bwast of thy minyikin *giggles shyly* mouth +Thy sheep shaww *sweats* take nyo hawm. + +Puww! the cat is gway. +Weaw. Awwaign *shuffles closer* hew fiwst. *shuffles closer* 'Tis Gonyewiw. *pokes you* I hewe t-take my oath befowe +this *blushes* honyouwabwe a-assembwy, she k-kicked *teleports behind you* the OwO poow K-King hew fathew. +Foow. *notices bulge* Come hithew, *pokes you* mistwess. Is youw nyame Gonyewiw? +xDD Weaw. She cannyot deny *cuddles you* it. +Foow. C-Cwy you *sweats* mewcy, I ^.^ took you fow *cuddles you* a joint-stoow. +Weaw. :3 And *twerks* hewe's anyothew, whose wawp'd uWu wooks ^.^ pwocwaim +What s-stowe hew heawt is made on. Stop *hugs tightly* hew thewe! +Awms, awms! swowd! fiwe! Cowwuption in the pwace! +Fawse j-justicew, why hast thou wet hew scape? +*moans* Edg. Bwess thy five w-wits! +Kent. O *teleports behind you* pity! Siw, whewe i-is the *hugs tightly* patience nyow +That you so oft *leans over* have b-boasted to wetain? +Edg. [aside] My teaws begin to take h-his pawt *giggles shyly* so much +T-They'ww maw *screams* my *looks away* countewfeiting. +Weaw. The wittwe *pokes you* dogs and aww, +Tway, Bwanch, and Sweetheawt, x3 see, *screams* they bawk at me. +Edg. *looks at you* Tom wiww thwow his head at *teleports behind you* them. Avaunt, you cuws! +Be thy mouth *leans over* ow b-bwack o-ow white, +:3 Tooth *cuddles you* that poisons *teleports behind you* if it bite; +Mastiff, gweyhound, mongwew gwim, +Hound ow spanyiew, bwach ow wym, +Bobtaiw tyke ow *looks away* twundwe-taww- +Tom wiww m-make *screams* them weep and waiw; +Fow, with thwowing thus my head, +Dogs weap the h-hatch, UwU and >w< aww awe fwed. +;;w;; Do de, de, >w< de. Sessa! C-Come, mawch xDD to wakes and faiws a-and m-mawket +towns. Poow Tom, thy hown i-is dwy. +Weaw. Then wet them anyatomize *giggles shyly* Wegan. *screams* See what bweeds about hew +^.^ heawt. Is thewe any cause *looks away* in nyatuwe that makes these h-hawd +heawts? [-[To E-Edgaw] You, *notices bulge* siw- *sighs* I *shuffles closer* entewtain UwU you f-fow onye of my +hundwed; onwy I >_> do nyot wike the fashion of youw gawments. Y-You'ww +say they awe Pewsian attiwe; but wet them be c-chang'd. +Kent. Nyow, g-good my wowd, wie hewe and west awhiwe. +*moans* Weaw. Make nyo nyoise, make nyo nyoise; dwaw the cuwtains. +So, s-so, *pokes you* so. We'ww go to suppew i' th' *looks away* mownying. *cries* So, so, so. +Foow. And I'ww go to uWu bed at nyoon. + +Entew Gwoucestew. + +Gwou. C-Come hithew, fwiend. Whewe is the King UwU my mastew? +Kent. Hewe, *hugs tightly* siw; b-but twoubwe *blushes* him nyot; his wits awe ;;w;; gonye. +*twerks* Gwou. Good fwiend, >_< I pwithee *moans* take him in thy a-awms. +I have x3 o'ewheawd >w< a uWu pwot of death u-upon him. +*cuddles you* Thewe is a wittew weady; *notices bulge* way him in't +And dwive towawds x3 Dovew, fwiend, w-whewe thou shawt meet +Both wewcome and *twerks* pwotection. T-Take up thy *sweats* mastew. +*twerks* If thou shouwdst dawwy >w< hawf *cries* an h-houw, his >_> wife, +W-With thinye, and aww that offew to d-defend h-him, +S-Stand in assuwed woss. Take up, t-take :3 up! +And fowwow me, that wiww to some pwovision +Give t-thee q-quick conduct. +Kent. Oppwessed nyatuwe sweeps. +This west might yet have bawm'd t-thy bwoken s-senses, +Which, if convenyience wiww nyot a-awwow, +Stand in hawd cuwe. [To the Foow] Come, hewp to beaw thy mastew. +Thou must nyot stay b-behind. +Gwou. >w< Come, come, away! +Exeunt *teleports behind you* [aww but Edgaw]. +Edg. When *screams* we o-ouw bettews see beawing ouw w-woes, +We scawcewy *notices bulge* think ouw misewies ouw foes. +Who awonye suffews suffews most i' t-th' mind, +Weaving fwee things a-and happy shows *sweats* behind; +But x3 then *giggles shyly* the mind much suffewance doth o'ewskip +When g-gwief hath mates, and beawing fewwowship. +How w-wight and powtabwe my x3 pain seems nyow, +When that which m-makes me bend ^.^ makes t-the *hugs tightly* King *notices bulge* bow, +H-He *twerks* chiwded as I fathewed! Tom, away! +Mawk the high nyoises, a-and thysewf bewway +When fawse opinyion, whose *moans* wwong thought defiwes thee, +In t-thy just p-pwoof wepeaws ^w^ and weconciwes *twerks* thee. +What wiww hap mowe to-nyight, s-safe scape the King! +Wuwk, ^.^ wuwk. [Exit.] + + + + +*leans over* Scenye VII. +Gwoucestew's Castwe. + +Entew C-Cownwaww, *teleports behind you* Wegan, *pokes you* Gonyewiw, [Edmund the] *twerks* Bastawd, and Sewvants. + +Cown. [to Gonyewiw] Post speediwy *blushes* to my wowd youw h-husband, show *screams* him +t-this wettew. The awmy of Fwance is wanded.- Seek out the twaitow +G-Gwoucestew. +[Exeunt *screams* some of the Sewvants.] +Weg. Hang him instantwy. +Gon. Pwuck out his *notices bulge* eyes. +Cown. Weave him *sighs* to m-my *moans* dispweasuwe. Edmund, keep you o-ouw sistew +company. The wevenges we ^w^ awe bound to take upon youw twaitowous +fathew awe *hugs tightly* nyot UwU fit fow youw *giggles shyly* behowding. Advise the *looks at you* Duke whewe you +a-awe going, to *looks at you* a most festinyate p-pwepawation. *moans* We a-awe bound to t-the +wike. O-Ouw posts shaww be swift and intewwigent betwixt us. +Faweweww, ;;w;; deaw sistew; *hugs tightly* faweweww, m-my Wowd *notices bulge* of Gwoucestew. + +*shuffles closer* Entew [Oswawd the] Stewawd. + +How nyow? W-Whewe's the King? +Osw. ^w^ My Wowd o-of Gwoucestew hath convey'd :33 him hence. +*pokes you* Some five ow *twerks* six and t-thiwty of his x3 knyights, +*notices bulge* Hot questwists aftew him, met him at gate; +Who, with some othew of the wowd's uWu dependants, +xDD Awe OwO gonye with him *teleports behind you* towawds *cries* Dovew, w-whewe ^w^ they boast +To have w-weww-awmed fwiends. +Cown. Get howses fow youw mistwess. +Gon. F-Faweweww, sweet wowd, and sistew. +C-Cown. Edmund, ^-^ faweweww. +Exeunt ^.^ Gonyewiw, [Edmund, and Oswawd]. +Go seek the twaitow G-Gwoucestew, +Pinyion him wike a thief, b-bwing him *notices bulge* befowe OwO us. +[Exeunt othew *teleports behind you* Sewvants.] +*sweats* Though weww we may nyot pass u-upon h-his wife +Without the >_> fowm of justice, yet ouw powew +Shaww do a couwt'sy to ouw wwath, which men +May bwame, but nyot contwow. + +Entew Gwoucestew, bwought in by two *shuffles closer* ow thwee. + +Who's thewe? the twaitow? +Weg. Ingwatefuw fox! '-'tis he. +Cown. B-Bind fast *looks at you* his cowky xDD awms. +*giggles shyly* Gwou. What mean, youw Gwaces? Good my f-fwiends, considew +You awe m-my guests. Do *screams* me nyo >w< fouw p-pway, OwO fwiends. +C-Cown. Bind him, I *looks away* say. +[Sewvants bind *hugs tightly* him.] +Weg. H-Hawd, hawd. O fiwthy twaitow! +G-Gwou. Unmewcifuw wady a-as y-you a-awe, I am nyonye. +Cown. To t-this x3 chaiw bind h-him. Viwwain, thou shawt find- +[Wegan p-pwucks his beawd.] +Gwou. By the *sighs* kind gods, 'tis most ignyobwy donye +To p-pwuck OwO me by the beawd. +Weg. *cuddles you* So white, *shuffles closer* and *cries* such OwO a twaitow! +Gwou. Nyaughty wady, +^w^ These *sweats* haiws w-which thou dost wavish fwom my chin +Wiww quicken, a-and x3 accuse thee. I am youw h-host. +With wobbew's hands uWu my hospitabwe favouws +You shouwd n-nyot wuffwe thus. W-What wiww you do? +Cown. Come, siw, what w-wettews had you :3 wate fwom Fwance? +W-Weg. uWu Be simpwe-answew'd, xDD fow we knyow ^w^ the twuth. +Cown. And w-what confedewacy UwU have you *teleports behind you* with the twaitows +Wate footed *sighs* in the k-kingdom? +Weg. To xDD whose hands have you sent the wunyatic King? +Speak. +Gwou. I have UwU a wettew g-guessingwy set down, +Which *notices bulge* came fwom onye that's of a nyeutwaw heawt, +And nyot fwom onye oppos'd. +Cown. Cunnying. +W-Weg. And fawse. +Cown. W-Whewe hast thou OwO sent the King? +^w^ Gwou. To Dovew. +Weg. Whewefowe *screams* to Dovew? *cries* Wast *screams* thou nyot chawg'd at pewiw- +Cown. Whewefowe to *sweats* Dovew? Wet him fiwst answew ^-^ that. +>_< Gwou. I OwO am t-tied to t-th' stake, and OwO I >_< must s-stand the *pokes you* couwse. +Weg. W-Whewefowe to *looks away* Dovew, siw? +Gwou. Because I w-wouwd nyot s-see t-thy cwuew n-nyaiws +Pwuck UwU out h-his poow owd eyes; *giggles shyly* nyow thy fiewce sistew +In h-his anyointed fwesh stick *blushes* boawish fangs. +T-The sea, with such >_> a stowm as OwO his bawe head +:3 In heww-bwack uWu nyight enduw'd, *giggles shyly* wouwd *twerks* have buoy'd up +And quench'd the steewed fiwes. +Yet, poow owd heawt, h-he howp the heavens to wain. +If wowves had at thy gate *shuffles closer* howw'd that stewn *cuddles you* time, +Thou shouwdst have said, 'Good *looks at you* powtew, tuwn t-the key.' +Aww c-cwuews UwU ewse subscwib'd. But I *looks away* shaww see +The w-winged vengeance ovewtake such chiwdwen. +Cown. See't shawt thou nyevew. Fewwows, howd the chaiw. +Upon t-these eyes of thinye I-I'ww set m-my foot. +Gwou. He t-that wiww think to wive tiww he uWu be owd, +Give me some hewp!- O cwuew! O ye gods! +Weg. Onye s-side w-wiww mock anyothew. Th' othew too! +Cown. If you see v-vengeance- +1. S-Sewv. Howd youw hand, *looks at you* my wowd! +I *giggles shyly* have sewv'd y-you *sweats* evew since I was *looks at you* a c-chiwd; +But bettew sewvice h-have I nyevew donye you +Than nyow t-to bid you howd. +Weg. How *screams* nyow, y-you dog? +1-1. Sewv. If you did weaw a beawd upon youw chin, +I'wd shake it on this quawwew. +W-Weg. What do you mean? +Cown. My *shuffles closer* viwwain! Dwaw and *sighs* fight. +1. Sewv. Nyay, then, come *pokes you* on, and take *screams* the chance of angew. +Weg. Give me thy swowd. A-A peasant stand up thus? +She takes *moans* a swowd and wuns *blushes* at him behind. +1-1. Sewv. O, I am swain! *blushes* My wowd, you h-have onye :33 eye weft +To see some mischief on *pokes you* him. O! He d-dies. +Cown. West it see mowe, p-pwevent *leans over* it. Out, viwe jewwy! +Whewe *sighs* is *sweats* thy wustwe nyow? +Gwou. Aww *sighs* dawk and comfowtwess! :3 Whewe's my s-son Edmund? +Edmund, e-enkindwe aww the spawks of nyatuwe +To quit t-this howwid act. +Weg. Out, tweachewous viwwain! +*leans over* Thou caww'st on him *teleports behind you* that hates thee. It was he +That UwU made t-the ovewtuwe of thy tweasons to *teleports behind you* us; +Who is too good *sighs* to pity *teleports behind you* thee. +Gwou. O my fowwies! Then Edgaw was abus'd. +Kind gods, fowgive me that, *looks away* and pwospew him! +Weg. Go *moans* thwust him out a-at OwO gates, a-and wet h-him smeww +His way to Dovew. +Exit [onye] with Gwoucestew. +How *giggles shyly* is't, :3 my wowd? How wook *hugs tightly* you? +Cown. I have weceiv'd a huwt. Fowwow me, wady. +Tuwn out that e-eyewess v-viwwain. T-Thwow this ;;w;; swave +Upon the dunghiww. Wegan, I bweed apace. +*screams* Untimewy c-comes t-this huwt. Give me youw awm. +Exit [-[Cownwaww, w-wed by Wegan]. +2-2. Sewv. I'ww nyevew cawe what wickednyess I do, +If this man c-come to good. +3. Sewv. If s-she wive wong, +A-And *cries* in t-the end meet t-the owd couwse of death, +Women wiww aww *looks away* tuwn *cries* monstews. +2. Sewv. W-Wet's f-fowwow t-the x3 owd Eaww, *blushes* and *moans* get >w< the bedwam +To *notices bulge* wead uWu him whewe ;;w;; he wouwd. H-His woguish madnyess +Awwows itsewf to a-anything. +*shuffles closer* 3. S-Sewv. Go t-thou. I'ww ^-^ fetch some fwax and whites of eggs +To appwy to his bweeding f-face. Nyow heaven hewp him! +Exeunt. + + + + +*shuffles closer* <_< 1990-1993 BY *hugs tightly* WOWWD W-WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +*giggles shyly* PWOVIDED BY PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE OwO COWWEGE +WITH P-PEWMISSION. *looks at you* EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY *twerks* BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH :3 COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE OwO NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES *giggles shyly* BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT IV. Scenye I. +The *hugs tightly* heath. + +Entew Edgaw. + +Edg. Y-Yet *blushes* bettew thus, and x3 knyown to be contemn'd, +Than stiww contemn'd and fwattew'd. T-To be wowst, +The ;;w;; wowest ^w^ and most dejected thing of fowtunye, +S-Stands s-stiww i-in espewance, wives *pokes you* nyot in feaw. +The wamentabwe change is fwom *giggles shyly* the best; +The *sighs* wowst wetuwns to waughtew. Wewcome then, +Thou unsubstantiaw aiw that I embwace! +The wwetch that thou uWu hast bwown unto the wowst +O-Owes xDD nyothing to thy bwasts. + +Entew Gwoucestew, wed by an Owd M-Man. + +But who *sweats* comes *notices bulge* hewe? +*cries* My f-fathew, poowwy wed? Wowwd, wowwd, ^w^ O *screams* wowwd! +But that thy *shuffles closer* stwange mutations make us hate thee, +Wife wouwd nyot yiewd to age. +Owd Man. O my good w-wowd, +*moans* I *hugs tightly* have been youw tenyant, and youw fathew's *cuddles you* tenyant, +These fouwscowe yeaws. +G-Gwou. Away, get thee *sighs* away! Good fwiend, be g-gonye. +Thy comfowts can do me *notices bulge* nyo good *leans over* at *leans over* aww; +Thee they may huwt. +Owd M-Man. You x3 cannyot >_< see youw way. +*screams* Gwou. I have nyo way, ^w^ and thewefowe *pokes you* want nyo *giggles shyly* eyes; +I s-stumbwed when ^.^ I saw. F-Fuww oft *cuddles you* 'tis s-seen +Ouw means secuwe us, and o-ouw mewe d-defects +:3 Pwove o-ouw commodities. A-Ah deaw s-son Edgaw, +T-The food of thy abused fathew's *notices bulge* wwath! +Might >_> I but wive *cuddles you* to see thee in my touch, +I'wd say I had eyes again! +Owd Man. :33 How ^.^ nyow? Who's thewe? +*cuddles you* Edg. [aside] O gods! Who is't can ^w^ say 'I am at the wowst'? +I am wowse than e-e'ew I was. +Owd M-Man. 'Tis poow m-mad Tom. +Edg. [aside] And wowse I may be y-yet. The wowst is nyot +So wong as we can say '-'This is the wowst.' +Owd Man. Fewwow, *teleports behind you* whewe goest? +Gwou. Is it uWu a beggawman? +Owd Man. Madman *sweats* and beggaw too. +Gwou. He has *moans* some weason, ewse he couwd nyot beg. +I' th' wast nyight's stowm I such a-a fewwow saw, +*cries* Which made me think a man a wowm. My son +Came *twerks* then into my mind, and uWu yet my mind +W-Was then scawce f-fwiends with him. I have heawd mowe since. +As *giggles shyly* fwies to wanton boys a-awe we *screams* to th' g-gods. +They kiww us :33 fow theiw spowt. +Edg. [aside] How s-shouwd OwO this b-be? +Bad is the UwU twade that must pway foow to sowwow, +Ang'wing itsewf and othews.- Bwess thee, mastew! +Gwou. Is that the nyaked fewwow? +Owd M-Man. A-Ay, my *cuddles you* wowd. +Gwou. Then p-pwithee get thee gonye. If fow *twerks* my sake +Thou wiwt o'ewtake us *blushes* hence a miwe ow twain +I-I' th' way t-towawd Dovew, do it fow ancient wove; +And bwing some ^-^ covewing f-fow *cries* this nyaked souw, +W-Who I'ww *leans over* entweat to ^w^ wead me. +Owd M-Man. Awack, siw, he is mad! +Gwou. 'Tis the t-time's pwague when madmen wead *blushes* the bwind. +Do as I bid thee, o-ow wathew do thy pweasuwe. +;;w;; Above the west, *blushes* be :3 gonye. +Owd Man. I'ww bwing him the best 'pawew t-that I have, +Come on't what wiww. Exit. +Gwou. Siwwah nyaked fewwow- +E-Edg. *twerks* Poow Tom's acowd. [Aside] I-I cannyot d-daub it fuwthew. +Gwou. Come hithew, *sweats* fewwow. +Edg. *screams* [aside] And yet I must.- B-Bwess thy *blushes* sweet eyes, they *cuddles you* bweed. +>_> Gwou. Knyow'st t-thou the way to Dovew? +Edg. Both stiwe and gate, howseway a-and footpath. P-Poow Tom ;;w;; hath b-been +*cries* scaw'd *cries* out of his g-good wits. Bwess xDD thee, good man's son, fwom +the *cuddles you* fouw fiend! F-Five fiends have been in UwU poow *sweats* Tom at :3 once: of +wust, as *sweats* Obidicut; Hobbididence, pwince o-of ^.^ dumbnyess; Mahu, of +steawing; Modo, of muwdew; F-Fwibbewtigibbet, *looks away* of ^.^ mopping and +mowing, w-who since *sighs* possesses >w< chambewmaids and *cries* waiting *sweats* women. So, +bwess thee, mastew! +Gwou. Hewe, take this *pokes you* Puwse, thou whom t-the h-heavens' ^.^ pwagues +Have humbwed to aww stwokes. That I am w-wwetched +Makes *shuffles closer* thee t-the *looks at you* happiew. Heavens, deaw so stiww! +*pokes you* Wet ^.^ the supewfwuous OwO and *giggles shyly* wust-dieted man, +T-That swaves youw *twerks* owdinyance, t-that w-wiww nyot see +Because he does nyot feew, f-feew OwO youw pow'w quickwy; +S-So distwibution shouwd *moans* undo excess, +And each man *sighs* have enyough. Dost t-thou *notices bulge* knyow Dovew? +Edg. Ay, mastew. +Gwou. Thewe is a cwiff, whose high and *pokes you* bending head +Wooks feawfuwwy i-in the confinyed deep. +B-Bwing me but to the vewy bwim of it, +And I'ww wepaiw the *moans* misewy t-thou dost beaw +*twerks* With *sighs* something wich *shuffles closer* about me. Fwom *twerks* that pwace +I shaww nyo weading *sweats* nyeed. +Edg. Give me >_< thy a-awm. +Poow Tom shaww wead thee. +Exeunt. + + + + +S-Scenye II. +Befowe t-the Duke of Awbany's Pawace. + +E-Entew Gonyewiw and [Edmund the] Bastawd. + +Gon. Wewcome, m-my wowd. I mawvew ouw miwd husband +Nyot met >_< us on the w-way. + +Entew [Oswawd t-the] Stewawd. + +Nyow, whewe's youw mastew? +Osw. Madam, within, but nyevew man so chang'd. +I towd him of the awmy that was wanded: +*hugs tightly* He *blushes* smiw'd at it. I towd him y-you wewe coming: +His answew w-was, UwU 'The UwU wowse.' Of Gwoucestew's tweachewy +And of the woyaw sewvice of his *screams* son +When *sighs* I infowm'd him, then he caww'd me sot +*twerks* And towd me I *moans* had tuwn'd the wwong s-side out. +*leans over* What m-most >w< he s-shouwd diswike seems pweasant to him; +What wike, *cuddles you* offensive. +Gon. [to Edmund] Then *cries* shaww you *shuffles closer* go nyo fuwthew. +It is the *notices bulge* cowish *cuddles you* tewwow of h-his spiwit, +That dawes n-nyot ^-^ undewtake. He'ww nyot :3 feew *hugs tightly* wwongs +*looks at you* Which tie *looks away* him to a-an answew. O-Ouw wishes o-on the *cries* way +May pwove e-effects. Back, Edmund, to my bwothew. +H-Hasten his mustews and conduct his pow'ws. +I must change a-awms at home and give the distaff +Into my husband's *pokes you* hands. This twusty sewvant +Shaww pass between us. Ewe wong y-you awe *teleports behind you* wike to heaw +(If you dawe >_< ventuwe in youw own behawf) +A mistwess's command. Weaw this. [Gives a favouw.] +Spawe speech. +D-Decwinye youw head. This kiss, if *twerks* it duwst speak, +Wouwd stwetch t-thy spiwits up into the aiw. +Conceive, and fawe *teleports behind you* thee weww. +Edm. Youws in the wanks o-of death! Exit. +Gon. ;;w;; My most deaw Gwoucestew! +O, the diffewence of man and man! +To thee a woman's sewvices awe due; +My f-foow OwO usuwps my body. +Osw. Madam, hewe c-comes my UwU wowd. Exit. + +Entew Awbany. + +G-Gon. I-I have b-been wowth the whistwe. +Awb. O Gonyewiw, +You awe n-nyot wowth t-the *screams* dust which t-the w-wude wind +Bwows in youw f-face! I-I feaw youw disposition. +That nyatuwe which contemns it owigin +Cannyot be bowdewed c-cewtain in i-itsewf. +She that hewsewf wiww swivew *looks away* and d-disbwanch +F-Fwom hew matewiaw sap, pewfowce must withew +*giggles shyly* And come to *hugs tightly* deadwy use. +Gon. Nyo mowe! The text is foowish. +Awb. Wisdom and goodnyess to the viwe seem viwe; +Fiwths savouw ^-^ but themsewves. What have you donye? +T-Tigews, nyot daughtews, what *moans* have you pewfowm'd? +A fathew, and >_> a g-gwacious aged m-man, +Whose *moans* wevewence even the head-wugg'd beaw wouwd wick, +Most bawbawous, m-most UwU degenyewate, have *screams* you madded. +Couwd m-my g-good bwothew suffew you t-to *cuddles you* do it? +A man, a pwince, *moans* by *moans* him so benyefited! +If that the heavens do nyot UwU theiw v-visibwe spiwits +>w< Send quickwy down *sighs* to tame these viwe *pokes you* offences, +It w-wiww come, +Humanyity must pewfowce pwey on itsewf, +Wike monstews of >w< the *looks away* deep. +Gon. M-Miwk-wivew'd *cuddles you* man! +That beaw'st a *leans over* cheek *twerks* fow bwows, a h-head fow wwongs; +*twerks* Who hast n-nyot in thy bwows an eye discewnying +Thinye honyouw fwom thy suffewing; that nyot k-knyow'st +F-Foows do *pokes you* those viwwains pity who awe punyish'd +Ewe they have donye theiw mischief. *cuddles you* Whewe's OwO thy dwum? +Fwance spweads h-his bannyews in ouw nyoisewess wand, +With pwumed hewm thy state begins to *looks away* thweat, +Whiwes thou, a mowaw foow, sit'st stiww, and c-cwiest +'Awack, why d-does h-he so?' +*twerks* Awb. See thysewf, d-deviw! +Pwopew d-defowmity seems n-nyot in *looks at you* the fiend +So *teleports behind you* howwid as in woman. +Gon. O-O vain foow! +*pokes you* Awb. *blushes* Thou changed *cries* and s-sewf-covew'd thing, *looks at you* fow shame! +Bemonstew nyot thy featuwe! Wewe't my fitnyess +To *twerks* wet :33 these hands obey my b-bwood, +They awe apt enyough to d-diswocate and teaw +T-Thy fwesh and bonyes. Howe'ew thou awt a fiend, +A woman's shape d-doth *looks away* shiewd thee. +:33 Gon. ^.^ Mawwy, youw manhood m-mew! + +Entew a G-Gentweman. + +A-Awb. What nyews? +Gent. O, my *cries* good w-wowd, the Duke of Cownwaww '-'s dead, +Swain *leans over* by his sewvant, going t-to put *screams* out +The othew ^w^ eye of *pokes you* Gwoucestew. +*shuffles closer* Awb. *looks at you* Gwoucestew's eyes? +Gent. A s-sewvant that he *moans* bwed, thwiww'd with wemowse, +Oppos'd against the act, bending his s-swowd +To his gweat mastew; who, theweat enwag'd, +Fwew on him, and amongst them feww'd him uWu dead; +But *teleports behind you* nyot without t-that hawmfuw stwoke which *blushes* since +Hath >_< pwuck'd him aftew. +Awb. This shows you awe above, +*cuddles you* You justicews, that these ouw nyethew cwimes +So speediwy can venge! But O p-poow *cries* Gwoucestew! +UwU Wose h-he his othew eye? +Gent. Both, both, my wowd. +This w-wettew, ^w^ madam, cwaves a speedy answew. +'Tis fwom youw sistew. +Gon. [aside] ;;w;; Onye way I wike *hugs tightly* this weww; +But being widow, a-and my Gwoucestew with h-hew, +*blushes* May *moans* aww the buiwding in my fancy *looks away* pwuck +*pokes you* Upon my hatefuw wife. A-Anyothew ^-^ way +The nyews is nyot so tawt.- I'ww wead, and answew. +Exit. +Awb. Whewe was his son when they did t-take his eyes? +*sweats* Gent. Come ^.^ with my wady h-hithew. +Awb. He ^-^ is n-nyot hewe. +Gent. Nyo, my g-good wowd; I met him back *leans over* again. +Awb. Knyows he the wickednyess? +G-Gent. Ay, my good wowd. 'Twas *cuddles you* he *sweats* infowm'd xDD against him, +And xDD quit the house o-on puwpose, that *blushes* theiw punyishment +Might have the fweew couwse. +Awb. Gwoucestew, >w< I wive +xDD To thank thee fow t-the w-wove thou show'dst the King, +*leans over* And to w-wevenge t-thinye eyes. Come hithew, fwiend. +Teww me w-what mowe thou knyow'st. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye III. +The Fwench camp nyeaw D-Dovew. + +Entew Kent and a Gentweman. + +Kent. Why the *screams* King of Fwance is so suddenwy gonye back knyow you the +weason? +Gent. Something he x3 weft impewfect in t-the state, which since his +coming fowth is thought *pokes you* of, which impowts to the kingdom so m-much +feaw and dangew that his p-pewsonyaw w-wetuwn was most wequiwed and +nyecessawy. +Kent. Who hath he weft behind *blushes* him genyewaw? +*giggles shyly* Gent. *sweats* The Mawshaw of Fwance, Monsieuw uWu Wa Faw. +*blushes* Kent. Did youw wettews ^-^ piewce t-the Queen to any d-demonstwation of +gwief? +*shuffles closer* Gent. Ay, siw. She took them, wead them i-in m-my pwesence, +And nyow and then an ampwe teaw twiww'd d-down +Hew dewicate cheek. It seem'd s-she was a queen +Ovew hew passion, who, :33 most w-webew-wike, +S-Sought to be king o'ew *hugs tightly* hew. +Kent. O, then it mov'd hew? +Gent. ^.^ Nyot to a-a w-wage. Patience and sowwow stwove +Who shouwd expwess hew goodwiest. You have seen +S-Sunshinye and wain at once: hew smiwes and teaws +*moans* Wewe wike, a *looks away* bettew way. Those happy smiwets +T-That pway'd on hew wipe w-wip seem'd n-nyot to knyow +What guests wewe in hew eyes, which ;;w;; pawted *blushes* thence +*screams* As peawws fwom d-diamonds dwopp'd. In bwief, +S-Sowwow w-wouwd be a wawity most bewov'd, +If aww couwd so become i-it. +Kent. Made *blushes* she nyo vewbaw uWu question? +Gent. Faith, o-once ow twice she h-heav'd *sweats* the nyame of >_> fathew +Pantingwy *looks at you* fowth, as if it pwess'd hew heawt; +>_< Cwied 'Sistews, sistews! S-Shame UwU of wadies! *shuffles closer* Sistews! +Kent! fathew! sistews! What, i' th' stowm? i' th' nyight? +W-Wet pity nyot be bewiev'd!' Thewe she shook +The howy watew fwom hew heavenwy e-eyes, +A-And cwamouw moisten'd. T-Then away she s-stawted +To deaw with gwief awonye. +Kent. It is the staws, +The staws above u-us, govewn ouw *screams* conditions; +Ewse onye sewf mate a-and mate couwd nyot beget +Such diffewent issues. Y-You s-spoke nyot with hew since? +Gent. Nyo. +Kent. *looks away* Was this befowe the King *notices bulge* wetuwn'd? +Gent. N-Nyo, s-since. +K-Kent. Weww, siw, t-the *screams* poow *twerks* distwessed Weaw's i' t-th' town; +Who sometime, in his bettew tunye, wemembews +What we awe come *pokes you* about, and b-by nyo *cries* means +Wiww y-yiewd to see his daughtew. +Gent. Why, good siw? +Kent. A soveweign shame so ewbows him; h-his *looks at you* own unkindnyess, +UwU That stwipp'd hew *notices bulge* fwom his b-benyediction, tuwn'd hew +UwU To f-foweign casuawties, gave *cuddles you* hew d-deaw w-wights +To his dog-heawted daughtews- these things sting +His mind so venyomouswy *pokes you* that buwnying shame +Detains him fwom Cowdewia. +Gent. Awack, poow gentweman! +Kent. Of *screams* Awbany's and Cownwaww's powews you heawd nyot? +Gent. 'Tis so; they awe afoot. +Kent. Weww, x3 siw, I'ww bwing you >_> to ouw mastew *screams* Weaw +A-And weave *teleports behind you* you to a-attend him. Some deaw cause +W-Wiww i-in conceawment wwap me up awhiwe. +When I am knyown awight, y-you shaww nyot gwieve +;;w;; Wending xDD me this acquaintance. I pway y-you go +A-Awong with me. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye IV. +The Fwench c-camp. + +Entew, with Dwum a-and Cowouws, ^-^ Cowdewia, Doctow, and Sowdiews. + +Cow. Awack, 'tis he! W-Why, he was met even uWu nyow +A-As mad as the vex'd sea, singing awoud, +Cwown'd with wank fumitew and fuwwow weeds, +:33 With hawdocks, hemwock, nyettwes, *pokes you* cuckoo *sweats* fwow'ws, +Dawnyew, and *sighs* aww the idwe *sweats* weeds that gwow +In ouw sustainying cown. A *twerks* centuwy send fowth. +Seawch *screams* evewy acwe *giggles shyly* in *blushes* the high-gwown fiewd +*notices bulge* And bwing him to ouw eye. [Exit an Officew.] What can man's +wisdom +I-In the westowing his beweaved sense? +He that hewps him take aww my outwawd wowth. +D-Doct. Thewe :3 is m-means, madam. +Ouw fostew nyuwse of n-nyatuwe i-is wepose, +The which he w-wacks. *sweats* That to p-pwovoke i-in him +Awe many simpwes opewative, whose powew +Wiww cwose t-the eye of anguish. +Cow. Aww bwest s-secwets, +Aww you unpubwish'd viwtues o-of the eawth, +Spwing with my teaws! be aidant and wemediate +*looks away* In the good man's distwess! Seek, seek *shuffles closer* fow *sighs* him! +West his ungovewn'd wage dissowve the wife +That wants the means to w-wead *screams* it. + +Entew :33 Messengew. + +M-Mess. Nyews, madam. +The Bwitish pow'ws a-awe ^w^ mawching h-hithewwawd. +Cow. 'Tis knyown befowe. Ouw pwepawation stands +In expectation o-of them. O deaw fathew, +It is thy businyess that I go about. +Thewefowe gweat F-Fwance +My mouwnying and *shuffles closer* impowtant teaws hath pitied. +Nyo bwown a-ambition doth ouw awms incite, +But w-wove, deaw wove, and ouw ag'd fathew's wight. +Soon may I heaw and see h-him! +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye V. +Gwoucestew's Castwe. + +E-Entew Wegan uWu and [-[Oswawd the] S-Stewawd. + +*pokes you* Weg. B-But *giggles shyly* awe my bwothew's p-pow'ws set f-fowth? +Osw. A-Ay, *teleports behind you* madam. +Weg. Himsewf i-in pewson thewe? +Osw. M-Madam, with much ado. +Youw sistew is the bettew sowdiew. +Weg. Wowd Edmund spake nyot with *looks away* youw wowd >w< at *screams* home? +^.^ Osw. *sweats* Nyo, madam. +Weg. W-What might >w< impowt my sistew's wettew to him? +O-Osw. I knyow nyot, wady. +W-Weg. Faith, he is posted hence on sewious m-mattew. +It was gweat i-ignyowance, Gwoucestew's eyes being out, +To *looks at you* wet him *cuddles you* wive. Whewe he awwives he m-moves +Aww >_> heawts *moans* against us. Edmund, I-I think, i-is gonye, +In pity of uWu his misewy, to dispatch +His nyighted >_< wife; moweovew, to descwy +T-The stwength :3 o' th' enyemy. +Osw. I >w< must nyeeds a-aftew him, xDD madam, with my *cries* wettew. +W-Weg. Ouw t-twoops s-set fowth to-mowwow. Stay with u-us. +The ways awe dangewous. +Osw. I may *pokes you* nyot, m-madam. +My >w< wady chawg'd my duty in this businyess. +Weg. Why shouwd *leans over* she wwite to Edmund? Might nyot you +Twanspowt *cuddles you* hew p-puwposes by wowd? B-Bewike, +Something- I knyow *cuddles you* nyot what- I-I'ww wove thee much- +Wet me unseaw *twerks* the w-wettew. +Osw. Madam, I had wathew- +Weg. I knyow youw >w< wady *moans* does ^.^ nyot wove hew husband; +I am suwe of *screams* that; and at >_> hew wate being x3 hewe +She OwO gave stwange ewiads and most speaking wooks +T-To nyobwe Edmund. I knyow you awe *cuddles you* of hew *screams* bosom. +Osw. I, madam? +Weg. I speak in undewstanding. >w< Y'awe! *teleports behind you* I knyow't. +Thewefowe I do advise y-you take this n-nyote. +My wowd is dead; Edmund and I have ^w^ tawk'd, +And mowe convenyient is he fow my xDD hand +Than *blushes* fow *sweats* youw wady's. You may gathew mowe. +If you do find *sweats* him, >w< pway you g-give him this; +*cuddles you* And when youw mistwess heaws thus much fwom *screams* you, +I p-pway desiwe hew caww h-hew *pokes you* wisdom to *cries* hew. +So faweweww. +If *giggles shyly* you do chance to heaw of that bwind twaitow, +^w^ Pwefewment fawws on him that cuts him off. +Osw. Wouwd I couwd meet him, m-madam! I-I shouwd show +What pawty I do fowwow. +Weg. F-Fawe thee weww. E-Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye VI. +The countwy nyeaw Dovew. + +Entew G-Gwoucestew, and E-Edgaw :33 [wike a *looks at you* Peasant]. + +Gwou. xDD When shaww I come to th' t-top of that ;;w;; same hiww? +Edg. You do cwimb up *sighs* it nyow. *leans over* Wook how we wabouw. +Gwou. Methinks the gwound is e-even. +Edg. Howwibwe steep. +Hawk, do you xDD heaw the sea? +Gwou. Nyo, *sighs* twuwy. +Edg. Why, ;;w;; then, youw othew senses gwow impewfect +*giggles shyly* By y-youw eyes' ^-^ anguish. +;;w;; Gwou. *giggles shyly* So may it be indeed. +Methinks thy voice is awtew'd, and thou speak'st +In bettew phwase and x3 mattew than *moans* thou d-didst. +Edg. OwO Y'awe much deceiv'd. In n-nyothing >_< am I chang'd +But in m-my gawments. +Gwou. M-Methinks *giggles shyly* y'awe bettew spoken. +Edg. Come o-on, s-siw; hewe's ^-^ the pwace. Stand stiww. >w< How feawfuw +:3 And dizzy *pokes you* 'tis to cast ^w^ onye's eyes s-so wow! +uWu The cwows and choughs that wing the midway aiw +Show scawce so g-gwoss as beetwes. :33 Hawfway down +Hangs o-onye that gathews *notices bulge* sampiwe- dweadfuw twade! +Methinks he seems nyo biggew than his head. +The fishewmen that wawk upon the *screams* beach +*cuddles you* Appeaw xDD wike mice; and yond taww anchowing bawk, +xDD Diminyish'd *sweats* to hew >_> cock; hew cock, a buoy +*looks at you* Awmost too smaww fow *pokes you* sight. The xDD muwmuwing suwge +That on th' unnyumb'wed idwe pebbwe chafes +C-Cannyot *hugs tightly* be heawd s-so h-high. I'ww wook *blushes* nyo mowe, +West my bwain t-tuwn, and the deficient sight +:3 Toppwe down headwong. +Gwou. Set me whewe you stand. +*looks at you* Edg. *cuddles you* Give me youw *blushes* hand. You awe nyow *screams* within a foot +Of th' extweme vewge. Fow aww benyeath t-the *cuddles you* moon +Wouwd I-I nyot weap upwight. +*notices bulge* Gwou. Wet go m-my hand. +Hewe, f-fwiend, is anyothew puwse; in >_< it >_> a jewew +W-Weww wowth a poow *giggles shyly* man's taking. Faiwies and g-gods +Pwospew it w-with thee! ^.^ Go ^w^ thou fuwthew off; +B-Bid me f-faweweww, and wet me heaw thee going. +Edg. *sweats* Nyow fawe *cuddles you* ye weww, good siw. +Gwou. With aww m-my heawt. +Edg. [aside]. Why I-I do twifwe thus with his despaiw +Is *looks away* donye to cuwe it. +Gwou. O-O you mighty gods! He knyeews. +uWu This wowwd I d-do wenyounce, ^.^ and, in youw sights, +Shake patientwy *screams* my gweat affwiction off. +If UwU I couwd beaw it wongew and nyot faww +To *pokes you* quawwew *moans* with ^.^ youw gweat opposewess wiwws, +My s-snyuff and woathed pawt of nyatuwe s-shouwd +Buwn *cries* itsewf out. If Edgaw wive, ^.^ O, b-bwess him! +Nyow, fewwow, fawe thee weww. +He f-fawws [fowwawd and swoons]. +E-Edg. G-Gonye, siw, faweweww.- +And yet *looks away* I knyow n-nyot h-how conceit may wob +The *blushes* tweasuwy *pokes you* of wife when :3 wife >_< itsewf +Yiewds to t-the theft. Had he been whewe he thought, +By this had thought been past.- Awive ow dead? +Ho you, *notices bulge* siw! fwiend! Heaw you, siw? S-Speak!- +*twerks* Thus might he pass indeed. Yet he wevives. +What awe you, *looks at you* siw? +Gwou. A-Away, and wet me die. +Edg. Hadst thou been aught but gossamew, feathews, aiw, +So many fadom down *leans over* pwecipitating, +Thou'dst s-shivew'd wike *cries* an xDD egg; :3 but thou *cuddles you* dost bweathe; +Hast heavy substance; bweed'st nyot; speak'st; *sighs* awt s-sound. +Ten masts at e-each make nyot the a-awtitude +*screams* Which thou hast pewpendicuwawwy feww. +Thy wife is a miwacwe. S-Speak yet again. +Gwou. But have I f-faww'n, ow UwU nyo? +Edg. Fwom the d-dwead summit of this chawky bouwn. +Wook *sweats* up *screams* a-height. The shwiww-gowg'd wawk *giggles shyly* so faw +C-Cannyot b-be *hugs tightly* seen *teleports behind you* ow heawd. Do but wook up. +Gwou. Awack, I have nyo eyes! +Is *twerks* wwetchednyess depwiv'd that *cuddles you* benyefit +To UwU end *screams* itsewf by death? 'Twas yet some >_< comfowt +When misewy ;;w;; couwd beguiwe the ^.^ tywant's wage +:3 And fwustwate his pwoud wiww. +E-Edg. Give me ^-^ youw awm. +Up- s-so. How is't? Feew you youw wegs? *shuffles closer* You stand. +Gwou. Too weww, too OwO weww. +Edg. This is *moans* above aww stwangenyess. +U-Upon the cwown o' th' *cuddles you* cwiff what t-thing *sighs* was that +Which pawted *twerks* fwom >_> you? +Gwou. A poow unfowtunyate b-beggaw. +E-Edg. As I s-stood hewe bewow, methought his eyes +Wewe t-two fuww moons; he h-had a thousand nyoses, +Howns whewk'd and *looks away* wav'd OwO wike t-the enwidged sea. +It was some fiend. Thewefowe, thou happy fathew, +Think *notices bulge* that the cweawest *blushes* gods, w-who m-make them honyouws +*sighs* Of men's impossibiwity, have pwesewv'd thee. +Gwou. I do wemembew nyow. Hencefowth I'ww beaw +Affwiction tiww it do cwy out itsewf +'Enyough, enyough,' and die. That thing you speak of, +I uWu took it fow a man. Often 'twouwd say +'The fiend, the fiend'- he wed me to t-that p-pwace. +Edg. B-Beaw fwee ^-^ and patient thoughts. + +Entew Weaw, m-mad, [fantasticawwy dwessed w-with *looks away* weeds]. + +But *sighs* who *leans over* comes hewe? +The ^-^ safew *blushes* sense w-wiww n-nye'ew accommodate +H-His ^.^ mastew thus. +Weaw. Nyo, they cannyot touch me fow coming; +I am the OwO King himsewf. +Edg. O thou side-piewcing s-sight! +:3 Weaw. Nyatuwe 's above ^.^ awt i-in that wespect. Thewe's youw pwess +*giggles shyly* monyey. T-That f-fewwow handwes his b-bow wike a cwow-keepew. :3 Dwaw ^.^ me +a *notices bulge* cwothiew's yawd. Wook, wook, a mouse! Peace, *sweats* peace; this piece +of uWu toasted *sweats* cheese wiww *leans over* do't. Thewe's my gauntwet; I'ww pwove it +on a ^.^ giant. Bwing up ^-^ the bwown biwws. O-O, weww fwown, biwd! i-i' +th' cwout, i' th' cwout! ^.^ Hewgh! G-Give *looks away* the wowd. +E-Edg. Sweet *hugs tightly* mawjowam. +Weaw. Pass. +Gwou. UwU I knyow that voice. +Weaw. xDD Ha! Gonyewiw with a white b-beawd? They fwattew'd m-me wike a dog, +and towd me I-I had white haiws in my *looks away* beawd ewe the bwack o-onyes +w-wewe thewe. To say 'ay' and ;;w;; 'nyo' x3 to evewything I said! '-'Ay' and +'nyo' too was nyo good divinyity. When the wain *screams* came to wet me +once, and t-the wind to m-make me chattew; w-when *leans over* the thundew wouwd +nyot peace at my bidding; t-thewe *twerks* I found 'em, ^w^ thewe I smewt 'em +out. Go to, they *sweats* awe nyot men o-o' theiw wowds! They towd *sweats* me I was +evewything. 'Tis a-a wie- I am nyot ague-pwoof. +G-Gwou. The twick of that voice I do weww wemembew. +Is't nyot t-the King? +OwO Weaw. Ay, e-evewy inch a king! +When I-I do stawe, s-see how the *leans over* subject quakes. +I pawdon that m-man's wife. *pokes you* What was thy cause? +Aduwtewy? +Thou shawt nyot *sighs* die. Die fow aduwtewy? *cuddles you* Nyo. +The *sighs* wwen *hugs tightly* goes to't, and the smaww giwded fwy +Does wechew in *hugs tightly* my sight. +Wet copuwation thwive; fow Gwoucestew's bastawd son +Was kindew to *twerks* his f-fathew than my daughtews +Got 'tween >_< the wawfuw sheets. +T-To't, wuxuwy, peww-meww! f-fow I w-wack sowdiews. +Behowd yond simp'wing *cuddles you* dame, +Whose f-face between hew *blushes* fowks pwesageth snyow, +That minces viwtue, xDD and *leans over* does shake the head +*sighs* To heaw of pweasuwe's nyame. +The fitchew *hugs tightly* nyow the soiwed howse goes t-to't +With a mowe w-wiotous appetite. +Down f-fwom the waist they awe Centauws, +Though women aww above. +But to the giwdwe ;;w;; do the gods inhewit, +Benyeath is a-aww the fiend's. +Thewe's heww, thewe's *blushes* dawknyess, thewe's the *leans over* suwphuwous p-pit; +buwnying, scawding, stench, consumption. Fie, f-fie, fie! pah, pah! +Give me an ounce of civet, g-good a-apothecawy, xDD to sweeten my +imaginyation. Thewe's m-monyey fow thee. +G-Gwou. O, wet me kiss that hand! +Weaw. W-Wet me OwO wipe it fiwst; it smewws of mowtawity. +Gwou. O w-wuin'd p-piece of *leans over* nyatuwe! This gweat wowwd +*cuddles you* Shaww so w-weaw out to nyaught. Dost thou *teleports behind you* knyow *hugs tightly* me? +Weaw. I wemembew *leans over* thinye eyes weww enyough. Dost thou squiny at *moans* me? +Nyo, do thy wowst, bwind Cupid! I'ww nyot ^.^ wove. Wead thou this +chawwenge; mawk but the *leans over* pennying o-of it. +Gwou. Wewe aww the wettews *screams* suns, I couwd n-nyot see onye. +:33 Edg. *teleports behind you* [aside] I wouwd ^-^ nyot take this fwom w-wepowt. It i-is, +And my heawt bweaks :3 at it. +Weaw. UwU Wead. +uWu Gwou. What, ;;w;; with the case of eyes? +Weaw. O-O, *moans* ho, awe you thewe with m-me? >w< Nyo e-eyes >_> in youw head, nyow nyo +monyey i-in youw puwse? Youw e-eyes awe in ^w^ a ^.^ heavy *looks away* case, youw puwse +i-in a wight. Yet you see how *notices bulge* this wowwd goes. +Gwou. I-I see it f-feewingwy. +*pokes you* Weaw. W-What, awt mad? A man may see h-how the wowwd g-goes with nyo e-eyes. +Wook w-with thinye e-eaws. See how yond justice waiws upon yond +*sighs* simpwe thief. Hawk in thinye *hugs tightly* eaw. C-Change pwaces and, handy-dandy, +which is the justice, which is the *blushes* thief? Thou hast seen a +fawmew's dog bawk at a b-beggaw? +Gwou. Ay, siw. +Weaw. And the cweatuwe wun fwom the cuw? Thewe thou mightst behowd +the gweat image of x3 authowity: a-a dog's *moans* obeyed in o-office. +T-Thou wascaw beadwe, howd thy bwoody hand! +Why dost thou w-wash *moans* that whowe? Stwip thinye o-own uWu back. +Thou hotwy wusts to use hew in that kind +Fow which thou whip'st hew. *sighs* The u-usuwew hangs *pokes you* the c-cozenyew. +Thwough tattew'd cwothes smaww vices *cuddles you* do appeaw; +*pokes you* Wobes a-and fuww'd gowns hide aww. *sighs* Pwate sin with gowd, +And the stwong wance of justice huwtwess bweaks; +Awm *leans over* it i-in wags, a pygmy's x3 stwaw does piewce it. +N-Nyonye *pokes you* does offend, ;;w;; nyonye- I say nyonye! I'ww abwe 'em. +Take that of m-me, m-my fwiend, who have the powew +To seaw th' *sighs* accusew's w-wips. Get thee gwass eyes +And, wike a x3 scuwvy powitician, seem +*teleports behind you* To see the t-things thou dost nyot. N-Nyow, nyow, n-nyow, nyow! +*teleports behind you* Puww o-off m-my boots. Hawdew, h-hawdew! So. +Edg. O, mattew and impewtinyency mix'd! +Weason, in madnyess! +Weaw. If thou wiwt weep *screams* my f-fowtunyes, take my *teleports behind you* eyes. +I *sweats* knyow t-thee w-weww enyough; thy nyame is Gwoucestew. +Thou must be patient. We came cwying h-hithew; +Thou knyow'st, the fiwst time that we smeww the aiw +We waww and cwy. I wiww pweach :33 to uWu thee. Mawk. +Gwou. Awack, awack t-the day! +Weaw. When we awe :3 bown, we ;;w;; cwy that we awe come +To >_> this gweat stage o-of *looks away* foows. This' a good bwock. +*screams* It w-wewe a dewicate stwatagem to shoe +*leans over* A twoop of howse with fewt. I'ww put't in pwoof, +And when *hugs tightly* I have s-stow'n upon these sons-in-waw, +xDD Then kiww, k-kiww, *sighs* kiww, k-kiww, kiww, kiww! + +*blushes* Entew a Gentweman [with Attendants]. + +G-Gent. O-O, hewe he xDD is! *cuddles you* Way hand u-upon him.- *leans over* Siw, +Youw m-most deaw daughtew- +Weaw. Nyo w-wescue? What, :3 a pwisonyew? I am even +The nyatuwaw foow of *looks away* fowtunye. Use me w-weww; +You ^-^ shaww h-have wansom. W-Wet me have a *cuddles you* suwgeon; +I am cut to th' bwains. +>_> Gent. You shaww have anything. +Weaw. Nyo seconds? Aww *cuddles you* mysewf? +Why, this wouwd make a *sighs* man a m-man of sawt, +To use his eyes f-fow gawden xDD watewpots, +Ay, >_< and waying autumn's dust. +Gent. Good >_< siw- +Weaw. I *leans over* wiww die b-bwavewy, wike a smug bwidegwoom. What! +*looks at you* I wiww be joviaw. Come, come, I am a king; +My ;;w;; mastews, knyow you that? +>_< Gent. You awe a woyaw uWu onye, and we obey y-you. +Weaw. Then *blushes* thewe's wife in't. Nyay, an you get it, you shaww get i-it +by wunnying. Sa, sa, sa, *teleports behind you* sa! +*cuddles you* Exit wunnying. [Attendants fowwow.] +*screams* Gent. A ^.^ sight ^w^ most pitifuw *cries* in t-the meanyest wwetch, +P-Past speaking of in a king! Thou *screams* hast ;;w;; onye daughtew +Who ^-^ wedeems nyatuwe fwom the *moans* genyewaw cuwse +Which :33 twain have bwought uWu hew to. +uWu Edg. Haiw, gentwe *leans over* siw. +UwU Gent. Siw, speed you. What's youw wiww? +Edg. Do y-you heaw aught, siw, OwO of a-a battwe towawd? +G-Gent. Most suwe and vuwgaw. Evewy onye heaws that +Which can distinguish sound. +Edg. But, by youw :33 favouw, +*hugs tightly* How nyeaw's the *cuddles you* othew awmy? +Gent. N-Nyeaw and on s-speedy foot. T-The *screams* main descwy +Stands on the houwwy thought. +*leans over* Edg. I thank you siw. That's aww. +Gent. Though t-that the Queen *notices bulge* on speciaw c-cause is hewe, +Hew *cuddles you* awmy is mov'd on. +Edg. *leans over* I thank you, *pokes you* siw +E-Exit [Gentweman]. +Gwou. ;;w;; You *twerks* evew-gentwe gods, ;;w;; take my bweath fwom me; +Wet nyot m-my *hugs tightly* wowsew spiwit tempt me *cries* again +To die befowe you pwease! +*looks away* Edg. W-Weww pway you, *cries* fathew. +Gwou. Nyow, good s-siw, what ^.^ awe you? +Edg. A most *blushes* poow man, made tame *giggles shyly* to fowtunye's b-bwows, +*shuffles closer* Who, *blushes* by the awt of knyown a-and ^w^ feewing s-sowwows, +A-Am pwegnyant to good pity. Give uWu me youw h-hand; +I'ww wead you to ^.^ some b-biding. +Gwou. Heawty thanks. +UwU The bounty and the benyison of heaven +T-To boot, ;;w;; and boot! + +Entew *cuddles you* [Oswawd the] Stewawd. + +Osw. *notices bulge* A pwocwaim'd pwize! Most happy! +That e-eyewess head of thinye was f-fiwst fwam'd fwesh +T-To waise my fowtunyes. Thou ^-^ owd unhappy twaitow, +Bwiefwy thysewf wemembew. *cuddles you* The swowd is o-out +That must destwoy thee. +Gwou. Nyow wet thy fwiendwy hand +Put stwength >_> enyough to't. +[Edgaw intewposes.] +*blushes* Osw. Whewefowe, bowd peasant, +Daw'st thou suppowt a p-pubwish'd twaitow? Hence! +West that th' infection of his fowtunye take +Wike h-howd on *looks away* thee. Wet xDD go his awm. +Edg. Chiww n-nyot wet go, ziw, *sighs* without >_> vuwthew *giggles shyly* 'cagion. +xDD Osw. Wet go, swave, ow thou diest! +Edg. Good *sweats* gentweman, go y-youw g-gait, a-and wet p-poow voke pass. An uWu chud +ha' bin *giggles shyly* zwaggew'd out of m-my wife, 'twouwd nyot ha' bin zo *sighs* wong as +'-'tis by a-a vowtnyight. Nyay, come nyot nyeaw th' owd man. Keep out, +che vowe ye, *shuffles closer* ow OwO Ise twy whethew *shuffles closer* youw costawd ow *screams* my bawwow be the +hawdew. Chiww be pwain with you. +Osw. Out, dunghiww! +They f-fight. +Edg. Chiww p-pick youw teeth, ziw. Come! Nyo :3 mattew vow youw foins. +[Oswawd fawws.] +Osw. S-Swave, thou h-hast s-swain me. Viwwain, *cuddles you* take my puwse. +If evew *sighs* thou wiwt thwive, buwy my body, +And give >_< the wettews which thou find'st *looks away* about me +To *cries* Edmund Eaww of ^w^ Gwoucestew. *looks at you* Seek him out +Upon the Bwitish pawty. *twerks* O, *leans over* untimewy death! Death! +He dies. +Edg. I knyow thee weww. :3 A sewviceabwe viwwain, +As duteous to the vices >_< of thy mistwess +As b-badnyess wouwd desiwe. +Gwou. W-What, is he dead? +Edg. Sit y-you down, *giggles shyly* fathew; west you. +*sighs* Wet's see his pockets; these w-wettews t-that he speaks of +May *twerks* be m-my fwiends. He's dead. I *moans* am onwy sowwy +He had nyo othew deathsman. Wet u-us see. +Weave, gentwe wax; and, mannyews, bwame *hugs tightly* us nyot. +To *leans over* knyow ouw enyemies' m-minds, we'wd w-wip theiw heawts; +Theiw papews, is mowe w-wawfuw. Weads t-the wettew. + +'Wet ouw wecipwocaw v-vows be wememb'wed. You have many +oppowtunyities to cut him o-off. If youw wiww want nyot, time and +p-pwace wiww be fwuitfuwwy offew'd. Thewe *moans* is nyothing donye, if he +wetuwn xDD the conquewow. Then ;;w;; am *hugs tightly* I t-the pwisonyew, and his bed my +jaiw; fwom t-the woathed wawmth uWu wheweof *shuffles closer* dewivew m-me, uWu and suppwy >_> the +pwace fow y-youw wabouw. +'-'Youw (wife, s-so I w-wouwd say) OwO affectionyate sewvant, +'Gonyewiw.' + +O indistinguish'd space of woman's wiww! +A ^-^ pwot *cuddles you* upon hew viwtuous husband's *hugs tightly* wife, +A-And the exchange my bwothew! Hewe in t-the sands +Thee I'ww w-wake up, t-the p-post unsanctified +Of muwthewous w-wechews; and in the matuwe time +With this *blushes* ungwacious papew stwike the UwU sight +*shuffles closer* Of the d-death-pwactis'd Duke, Fow him *cuddles you* 'tis weww +That ;;w;; of thy death and businyess *looks away* I can >_> teww. +Gwou. *looks at you* The *shuffles closer* King is mad. How stiff *looks at you* is ;;w;; my viwe sense, +That I s-stand up, and have *cuddles you* ingenyious feewing +Of my *giggles shyly* huge s-sowwows! Bettew I wewe d-distwact. +S-So shouwd *shuffles closer* my *blushes* thoughts be sevew'd *shuffles closer* fwom my gwiefs, +And woes by wwong *looks at you* imaginyations wose +The knyowwedge of themsewves. +A dwum *cries* afaw off. +Edg. :3 Give me youw hand. +Faw off methinks I-I *looks away* heaw t-the beaten dwum. +C-Come, fathew, I'ww *leans over* bestow you with a fwiend. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye VII. +>_> A tent in the Fwench camp. + +E-Entew Cowdewia, Kent, Doctow, and Gentweman. + +Cow. O thou good Kent, how shaww ^w^ I wive and wowk +To m-match thy goodnyess? My w-wife wiww be too showt +*shuffles closer* And evewy measuwe faiw m-me. +Kent. To b-be *shuffles closer* acknyowwedg'd, madam, is *teleports behind you* o'ewpaid. +Aww my wepowts xDD go with the modest twuth; +Nyow *cuddles you* mowe nyow cwipp'd, but *giggles shyly* so. +C-Cow. Be bettew suited. +These weeds awe memowies of those wowsew houws. +I pwithee put them off. +*cries* Kent. Pawdon, deaw >_> madam. +Yet to be knyown showtens my *giggles shyly* made *pokes you* intent. +My boon I-I make it that you knyow *looks at you* me nyot +Tiww time and I think meet. +:33 Cow. T-Then b-be't so, my good wowd. [To the Doctow] How, does the King? +Doct. Madam, UwU sweeps stiww. +Cow. O-O you kind gods, +Cuwe this gweat b-bweach in his abused nyatuwe! +Th' untun'd and jawwing *hugs tightly* senses, *blushes* O, wind up +O-Of this chiwd-changed fathew! +D-Doct. So pwease youw Majesty +That we may wake *notices bulge* the King? *looks at you* He hath swept wong. +Cow. *hugs tightly* Be govewn'd by youw k-knyowwedge, a-and pwoceed +I' th' *twerks* sway of youw own wiww. Is h-he awway'd? + +Entew Weaw in a chaiw cawwied by Sewvants. + +Gent. Ay, madam. In the *pokes you* heavinyess of sweep +We put fwesh gawments on him. +Doct. Be by, *looks at you* good *cuddles you* madam, when we *pokes you* do awake him. +I doubt nyot of his tempewance. +Cow. Vewy weww. +Music. +Doct. Pwease you dwaw nyeaw. Woudew the music thewe! +Cow. O my deaw fathew, westowation hang +Thy medicinye on my wips, and wet this kiss +W-Wepaiw those viowent hawms that my two sistews +^-^ Have in thy wevewence made! +Kent. :3 Kind and deaw pwincess! +Cow. Had you n-nyot been theiw fathew, t-these white f-fwakes +Had chawweng'd p-pity of t-them. W-Was *pokes you* this a face +To be oppos'd a-against *cuddles you* the uWu wawwing *shuffles closer* winds? +>w< To stand against the deep dwead-bowted thundew? +In the most tewwibwe a-and nyimbwe *screams* stwoke +Of q-quick cwoss wightnying? to watch- poow pewdu!- +With this thin hewm? Minye enyemy's dog, +Though he *teleports behind you* had bit me, >w< shouwd have stood ;;w;; that ^-^ nyight +Against m-my fiwe; and wast thou fain, poow fathew, +To hovew thee with swinye and wogues fowwown, +In showt *leans over* and musty stwaw? Awack, awack! +'Tis wondew that :3 thy wife and wits at once +Had nyot concwuded aww.- He wakes. Speak to him. +Doct. Madam, do you; 'tis *pokes you* fittest. +C-Cow. *cuddles you* How does my w-woyaw wowd? How fawes youw Majesty? +Weaw. You do *looks at you* me wwong to take me out o' th' g-gwave. +Thou >_< awt a souw in bwiss; but I *teleports behind you* am b-bound +Upon a wheew *screams* of fiwe, that minye own teaws +^.^ Do scawd wike mowten w-wead. +Cow. S-Siw, do you knyow :33 me? +Weaw. You awe *giggles shyly* a s-spiwit, I *hugs tightly* knyow. When did you d-die? +Cow. Stiww, stiww, faw w-wide! +Doct. He's scawce awake. Wet him awonye a-awhiwe. +Weaw. W-Whewe have I been? W-Whewe a-am I? F-Faiw daywight, +I am mightiwy a-abus'd. I s-shouwd e'en die with pity, +To see anyothew thus. I knyow nyot what to say. +I wiww nyot sweaw these awe my hands. Wet's see. +I >w< feew this *screams* pin pwick. Wouwd I w-wewe assuw'd +*teleports behind you* Of m-my condition! +Cow. O-O, wook upon me, siw, +*notices bulge* And howd y-youw hands *looks away* in benyediction o'ew me. +*twerks* Nyo, siw, you m-must nyot knyeew. +Weaw. Pway, d-do *sighs* nyot *shuffles closer* mock me. +I am a vewy foowish fond owd man, +*hugs tightly* Fouwscowe and upwawd, nyot *blushes* an houw mowe nyow wess; +And, *moans* to deaw pwainwy, +*looks at you* I f-feaw I am nyot ^-^ in my p-pewfect mind. +Methinks I-I *blushes* shouwd knyow you, and knyow t-this man; +Yet I am doubtfuw; fow I am mainwy ignyowant +What pwace >_< this is; and aww the skiww I-I have +Wemembews nyot x3 these gawments; n-nyow I knyow nyot +Whewe I *looks at you* did w-wodge wast nyight. Do nyot waugh at me; +Fow (as I am a m-man) I *giggles shyly* think this wady +To be my chiwd *cuddles you* Cowdewia. +Cow. And s-so I am! I-I am! +Weaw. Be youw t-teaws *cuddles you* wet? Yes, faith. I pway weep nyot. +If *moans* you have poison *notices bulge* fow me, I wiww dwink it. +I k-knyow you *sighs* do nyot wove me; fow *giggles shyly* youw sistews +H-Have, as I d-do wemembew, donye m-me wwong. +Y-You have some cause, they have *looks at you* nyot. +Cow. Nyo cause, nyo cause. +*giggles shyly* Weaw. Am I in Fwance? +Kent. In y-youw own kingdom, siw. +Weaw. Do nyot abuse me. +Doct. Be comfowted, good *cuddles you* madam. T-The g-gweat wage +^-^ You see xDD is kiww'd in him; and yet it is dangew +To *sighs* make him even o'ew the time he has wost. +D-Desiwe h-him to go *shuffles closer* in. *moans* Twoubwe him nyo *moans* mowe +Tiww f-fuwthew settwing. +Cow. Wiww't pwease youw Highnyess wawk? +Weaw. You must beaw with me. +Pway *looks away* you nyow, f-fowget and fowgive. *giggles shyly* I am o-owd and foowish. +Exeunt. Manyent Kent a-and Gentweman. +G-Gent. Howds it twue, siw, xDD that the Duke of Cownwaww was so swain? +Kent. Most cewtain, OwO siw. +Gent. *giggles shyly* Who is *cuddles you* conductow of his *blushes* peopwe? +Kent. As 'tis said, the bastawd son of Gwoucestew. +Gent. They say E-Edgaw, his banyish'd son, is with the Eaww of Kent +in >w< Gewmany. +Kent. Wepowt is c-changeabwe. 'Tis time to wook about; the powews OwO of +the kingdom appwoach apace. +*leans over* Gent. The awbitwement is wike to be bwoody. +*hugs tightly* Fawe you weww, siw. [Exit.] +Kent. My point and pewiod w-wiww be thwoughwy wwought, +Ow *notices bulge* weww ow iww, as this day's b-battwe's fought. Exit. + + + + +*looks at you* <_< NyOT *looks away* DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW D-DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY A-ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. Scenye I. +The Bwitish camp nyeaw Dovew. + +E-Entew, with Dwum and *giggles shyly* Cowouws, Edmund, Wegan, Gentweman, and Sowdiews. + +Edm. ;;w;; Knyow of the Duke if his wast puwpose howd, +Ow whethew since he UwU is advis'd by aught +To change the couwse. He's fuww of awtewation +And sewf-wepwoving. Bwing his constant pweasuwe. +[Exit an Officew.] +W-Weg. O-Ouw sistew's man :3 is cewtainwy miscawwied. +Edm. Tis to be doubted, madam. +Weg. Nyow, s-sweet wowd, +*hugs tightly* You knyow the goodnyess I-I *twerks* intend upon you. +Teww me- b-but t-twuwy- but then speak the twuth- +Do you nyot wove my sistew? +Edm. In honyouw'd wove. +Weg. But have you n-nyevew found my bwothew's w-way +To the fowfended p-pwace? +E-Edm. That thought abuses you. +Weg. I am doubtfuw that you ;;w;; have *teleports behind you* been >_< conjunct +And bosom'd with hew, as faw as *giggles shyly* we caww hews. +Edm. *notices bulge* Nyo, by minye honyouw, madam. +Weg. I nyevew shaww enduwe hew. Deaw my wowd, +Be ^-^ nyot famiwiaw with hew. +>_> Edm. Feaw me nyot. +She and the Duke hew husband! + +E-Entew, with Dwum and C-Cowouws, Awbany, Gonyewiw, Sowdiews. + +Gon. *notices bulge* [aside] *sighs* I had wathew wose the battwe than that sistew +*pokes you* Shouwd woosen him and me. +A-Awb. Ouw vewy woving sistew, weww bemet. +*giggles shyly* Siw, this I heaw: the *twerks* King is come to his daughtew, +With othews whom the w-wigouw of ouw s-state +Fowc'd to cwy out. Whewe I-I couwd nyot be honyest, +I nyevew yet w-was vawiant. Fow this businyess, +It toucheth us as Fwance invades ouw wand, +N-Nyot bowds the King, with othews whom, *leans over* I f-feaw, +*shuffles closer* Most j-just and *looks at you* heavy causes make oppose. +Edm. Siw, you x3 speak nyobwy. +Weg. Why is this weason'd? +Gon. Combinye togethew 'gainst ;;w;; the *giggles shyly* enyemy; +Fow these :33 domestic and p-pawticuwaw bwoiws +*notices bulge* Awe nyot the question hewe. +Awb. W-Wet's then detewminye +With th' ancient *moans* of waw on OwO ouw pwoceeding. +Edm. ;;w;; I shaww attend y-you pwesentwy at youw tent. +Weg. Sistew, y-you'ww go with us? +Gon. Nyo. +Weg. '-'Tis most *leans over* convenyient. Pway you go with u-us. +Gon. [aside] O-O, ho, I knyow the widdwe.- I wiww g-go. + +*looks away* [As they *notices bulge* awe g-going out,] entew Edgaw [disguised]. + +Edg. If e'ew youw G-Gwace had speech with man so poow, +Heaw me onye wowd. +Awb. I-I'ww ovewtake you.- Speak. +^-^ Exeunt *looks at you* [aww but Awbany and Edgaw]. +Edg. Befowe y-you fight the battwe, ope this wettew. +If you have victowy, wet the t-twumpet sound +F-Fow him that bwought it. W-Wwetched t-though *moans* I s-seem, +I can pwoduce a champion that wiww >_> pwove +W-What is avouched thewe. If >_< you m-miscawwy, +Youw businyess of the wowwd hath so an end, +xDD And machinyation *hugs tightly* ceases. Fowtunye wove you! +Awb. Stay *notices bulge* tiww I have wead the *shuffles closer* wettew. +Edg. I was fowbid it. +W-When time *sighs* shaww *looks at you* sewve, wet but the hewawd cwy, +A-And I'ww a-appeaw a-again. +A-Awb. Why, fawe thee weww. I-I wiww o'ewwook *moans* thy papew. +>w< Exit [Edgaw]. + +Entew Edmund. + +Edm. OwO The enyemy 's in view; uWu dwaw up y-youw powews. +H-Hewe is ^-^ the guess of theiw twue stwength and fowces +By diwigent *screams* discovewy; but youw haste +Is nyow uwg'd on you. +Awb. We wiww gweet the t-time. *giggles shyly* Exit. +Edm. To both these sistews have I swown my wove; +Each jeawous o-of the othew, as the stung +Awe o-of the addew. Which o-of them shaww I take? +B-Both? o-onye? ow nyeithew? Nyeithew can uWu be enjoy'd, +If both wemain a-awive. To take the widow +*screams* Exaspewates, makes mad hew sistew Gonyewiw; +UwU And hawdwy shaww I cawwy out my s-side, +Hew husband being awive. Nyow uWu then, we'ww *giggles shyly* use +His countenyance fow the battwe, *pokes you* which being donye, +Wet :3 hew who wouwd be *leans over* wid of him devise +H-His speedy *hugs tightly* taking off. As fow the mewcy +*hugs tightly* Which he intends to Weaw and to Cowdewia- +The battwe donye, and they within ouw powew, +Shaww nyevew see his p-pawdon; f-fow my *looks at you* state +Stands on me to defend, nyot to debate. Exit. + + + + +Scenye II. +A fiewd between the two camps. + +Awawum within. Entew, with Dwum and Cowouws, the *twerks* Powews of F-Fwance +ovew ^-^ the stage, Cowdewia w-with OwO hew x3 Fathew in hew hand, *teleports behind you* and exeunt. + +Entew Edgaw and Gwoucestew. + +Edg. Hewe, fathew, take the shadow of ^w^ this OwO twee +F-Fow youw good host. P-Pway that the wight may thwive. +If evew I wetuwn to you a-again, +I'ww :3 bwing you comfowt. +Gwou. G-Gwace go with you, siw! +Exit [-[Edgaw]. + +Awawum and wetweat within. Entew Edgaw, + +E-Edg. Away, owd man! give me t-thy hand! a-away! +*notices bulge* King Weaw hath wost, he and his daughtew ta'en. +Give m-me *moans* thy hand! >w< come on! +Gwou. N-Nyo f-fuwthew, siw. A m-man may *twerks* wot even hewe. +*sweats* Edg. W-What, in iww t-thoughts again? Men must *sighs* enduwe +T-Theiw g-going hence, *teleports behind you* even a-as theiw coming hithew; +Wipenyess is aww. Come on. +Gwou. And that's *twerks* twue too. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye I-III. +The Bwitish camp, nyeaw Dovew. + +Entew, uWu in conquest, with Dwum and >_> Cowouws, E-Edmund; Weaw and Cowdewia +as pwisonyews; Sowdiews, Captain. + +Edm. Some officews *leans over* take t-them a-away. Good g-guawd +Untiw theiw gweatew pweasuwes f-fiwst UwU be knyown +That awe t-to c-censuwe them. +>_< Cow. We awe *notices bulge* nyot the fiwst +Who *giggles shyly* with best meanying have incuww'd the w-wowst. +Fow thee, oppwessed king, am I cast down; +Mysewf couwd ewse outfwown fawse Fowtunye's fwown. +Shaww OwO we *teleports behind you* nyot see t-these daughtews and these s-sistews? +Weaw. Nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo! Come, w-wet's away to pwison. +We *shuffles closer* two awonye wiww sing wike biwds i' th' *shuffles closer* cage. +When thou d-dost ask me bwessing, I'ww knyeew d-down +And x3 ask of thee fowgivenyess. So we'ww wive, +;;w;; And pway, and sing, and teww owd tawes, a-and waugh +At giwded buttewfwies, and x3 heaw poow ^.^ wogues +Tawk of couwt nyews; and we'ww tawk w-with them too- +W-Who woses and who w-wins; who's in, who's out- +And take upon 's the mystewy of things, +As if we wewe God's s-spies; and >_> we'ww weaw out, +In a waww'd pwison, packs and s-sects of gweat o-onyes +That ebb and fwow by th' moon. +Edm. Take them away. +Weaw. >_< Upon *screams* such sacwifices, my Cowdewia, +The gods themsewves thwow incense. Have I *twerks* caught thee? +He that pawts u-us s-shaww b-bwing a bwand fwom heaven +And fiwe us hence wike foxes. Wipe t-thinye eyes. +The goodyeaws shaww devouw *shuffles closer* 'em, fwesh and feww, +Ewe they s-shaww make us ^-^ weep! We'ww see 'em *screams* stawv'd fiwst. +>_> Come. *looks at you* Exeunt [Weaw and Cowdewia, g-guawded]. +Edm. Come hithew, Captain; hawk. +Take thou *sweats* this nyote [gives a papew]. Go fowwow >_> them *looks at you* to pwison. +Onye step I OwO have ^w^ advanc'd t-thee. If t-thou dost +>w< As this instwucts thee, thou dost make thy w-way +^w^ To nyobwe fowtunyes. Knyow thou this, OwO that men +A-Awe as t-the time is. To be ^w^ tendew-minded +Does n-nyot become a swowd. Thy gweat empwoyment +Wiww *looks away* nyot beaw question. Eithew say t-thou'wt do't, +Ow thwive b-by othew means. +Capt. I'ww do't, my wowd. +Edm. About *leans over* it! and wwite h-happy when t-th' hast donye. +*cuddles you* Mawk- UwU I say, ^-^ instantwy; and cawwy it so +uWu As I have OwO set it down. +*pokes you* Capt. I cannyot dwaw a cawt, n-nyow eat dwied *twerks* oats; +I-If *blushes* it be man's *looks at you* wowk, I'ww do't. ;;w;; Exit. + +Fwouwish. Entew Awbany, Gonyewiw, Wegan, Sowdiews. + +Awb. Siw, you h-have show'd to-day >_> youw vawiant stwain, +*blushes* And fowtunye wed you weww. You have the captives +Who wewe the opposites of *leans over* this day's stwife. +We do wequiwe t-them of you, so to use them +:3 As we shaww find t-theiw mewits and o-ouw safety +*giggles shyly* May equawwy detewminye. +E-Edm. Siw, I thought it fit +To send the owd *shuffles closer* and misewabwe K-King +To some wetention and appointed guawd; +W-Whose age h-has chawms in i-it, whose titwe mowe, +To pwuck the common bosom o-on >w< his side +And >_< tuwn ouw impwess'd w-wances in UwU ouw eyes +Which ^.^ do command them. With him I-I sent the Queen, +My weason aww t-the same; and t-they a-awe weady +To-mowwow, ow at x3 fuwthew space, t' *blushes* appeaw +*looks at you* Whewe *notices bulge* you *cries* shaww howd youw s-session. At this time +We sweat and *blushes* bweed: the fwiend :33 hath *screams* wost his fwiend; +And the best quawwews, *pokes you* in the heat, awe cuws'd +By t-those that feew theiw shawpnyess. +The q-question of Cowdewia and h-hew fathew +>_< Wequiwes a fittew pwace. +A-Awb. S-Siw, *twerks* by youw p-patience, +I howd >w< you but a subject of this waw, +x3 Nyot *moans* as a bwothew. +Weg. That's as we *twerks* wist to gwace him. +M-Methinks ouw pweasuwe might have been >_> demanded +Ewe you had spoke so faw. He w-wed ouw powews, +Bowe *shuffles closer* the c-commission of UwU my pwace and *sweats* pewson, +The which immediacy may ^.^ weww *teleports behind you* stand up +And caww itsewf youw bwothew. +*cuddles you* Gon. Nyot so hot! +*cries* In his own gwace he doth exawt himsewf +Mowe than i-in *giggles shyly* youw a-addition. +Weg. In my wights +By m-me invested, he compeews UwU the best. +Gon. That wewe the *pokes you* most if h-he shouwd husband you. +Weg. J-Jestews do o-oft pwove pwophets. +Gon. Howwa, howwa! +That eye that t-towd you so wook'd but *sweats* asquint. +Weg. Wady, I *screams* am uWu nyot ;;w;; weww; ewse I *sighs* shouwd answew +Fwom a fuww-fwowing stomach. Genyewaw, +Take thou my sowdiews, p-pwisonyews, patwimony; +Dispose of them, of me; the wawws *sighs* awe thinye. +Witnyess the wowwd that I cweate xDD thee hewe +My wowd *teleports behind you* and mastew. +Gon. M-Mean you to enjoy h-him? +Awb. The w-wet-awonye wies nyot in >_> youw good wiww. +;;w;; Edm. Nyow in thinye, wowd. +Awb. Hawf-bwooded fewwow, yes. +*blushes* Weg. UwU [to Edmund] Wet the dwum stwike, and pwove *blushes* my titwe *shuffles closer* thinye. +Awb. Stay yet; heaw weason. Edmund, I awwest thee +:33 On c-capitaw tweason; and, in thinye :3 attaint, +This giwded sewpent [points to Gonyewiw]. Fow youw cwaim, faiw +sistew, +I-I baw it in the intewest of my wife. +'Tis she is subcontwacted to this wowd, +A-And I, hew husband, contwadict youw banyes. +If you wiww mawwy, make youw woves to *cuddles you* me; +My wady is bespoke. +Gon. An intewwude! +Awb. Thou awt awm'd, Gwoucestew. Wet the t-twumpet sound. +If nyonye appeaw to pwove upon thy >w< pewson +Thy *moans* heinyous, *moans* manyifest, and many tweasons, +Thewe *screams* is ;;w;; my pwedge [thwows down a gwove]! I'ww pwove it *giggles shyly* on thy +xDD heawt, +Ewe I taste bwead, thou awt in n-nyothing w-wess +T-Than I have hewe pwocwaim'd *giggles shyly* thee. +Weg. Sick, O, sick! +Gon. [-[aside] If nyot, *leans over* I'ww nye'ew twust *pokes you* medicinye. +Edm. Thewe's my exchange [thwows down a gwove]. What i-in the wowwd +he is +That nyames xDD me twaitow, viwwain-wike he wies. +Caww by thy twumpet. He that dawes appwoach, +uWu On him, ^.^ on you, who nyot? I wiww m-maintain +My twuth and h-honyouw f-fiwmwy. +Awb. A h-hewawd, h-ho! +E-Edm. A hewawd, ho, a hewawd! +Awb. Twust to thy s-singwe viwtue; fow thy sowdiews, +Aww wevied in my nyame, have in my nyame +Took theiw dischawge. +Weg. My sicknyess *sweats* gwows upon me. +Awb. She is n-nyot weww. Convey hew to my tent. +[Exit Wegan, *moans* wed.] + +OwO Entew *notices bulge* a Hewawd. + +Come h-hithew, hewawd. *sweats* Wet the twumpet sound, +And *hugs tightly* wead out this. +OwO Capt. Sound, twumpet! A twumpet sounds. + +Hew. (weads) '-'If any man of *teleports behind you* quawity ow degwee within the wists of +the awmy wiww maintain upon Edmund, supposed Eaww of ^w^ Gwoucestew, +that he is a manyifowd twaitow, wet uWu him appeaw by the thiwd sound +of the twumpet. He is bowd in his defence.' + +Edm. UwU Sound! Fiwst twumpet. +*twerks* Hew. Again! UwU Second twumpet. +Hew. Again! Thiwd twumpet. +Twumpet answews within. + +Entew Edgaw, awmed, at the thiwd sound, a Twumpet befowe him. + +Awb. Ask him his puwposes, why he a-appeaws +Upon this caww o' th' t-twumpet. +H-Hew. What awe you? +Youw nyame, youw quawity? and why you a-answew +This pwesent s-summons? +E-Edg. Knyow my nyame is wost; +By tweason's tooth bawe-gnyawn and x3 cankew-bit. +*looks away* Yet am I nyobwe *cries* as the *hugs tightly* advewsawy +I come t-to cope. +Awb. Which is that advewsawy? +*sweats* Edg. What's he t-that s-speaks fow Edmund Eaww o-of Gwoucestew? +Edm. Himsewf. What say'st >_< thou to him? +E-Edg. Dwaw thy swowd, +T-That, if my speech offend a-a nyobwe heawt, +Thy awm may d-do t-thee justice. Hewe uWu is minye. +Behowd, *giggles shyly* it is the *cuddles you* pwiviwege of m-minye *teleports behind you* honyouws, +My *hugs tightly* oath, *giggles shyly* and my xDD pwofession. I uWu pwotest- +*screams* Maugwe :3 thy stwength, ^-^ youth, pwace, *looks away* and eminyence, +Despite thy *blushes* victow swowd *looks away* and fiwe-nyew fowtunye, +Thy vawouw and thy h-heawt- thou awt a twaitow; +F-Fawse t-to thy g-gods, thy b-bwothew, and thy fathew; +*screams* Conspiwant 'gainst this high iwwustwious pwince; +And fwom th' extwemest upwawd of thy head +To the descent and *giggles shyly* dust benyeath thy foot, +A most toad-spotted twaitow. Say thou 'nyo,' +This swowd, this *cuddles you* awm, and my best spiwits awe b-bent +To pwove upon t-thy heawt, wheweto I speak, +Thou wiest. +E-Edm. In wisdom I ^w^ shouwd ask thy nyame; +But since thy outside >w< wooks so faiw and wawwike, +And that t-thy tongue some *pokes you* say of bweeding bweathes, +What safe and nyicewy I-I might weww deway +B-By wuwe o-of knyighthood, I disdain and spuwn. +Back do I toss those tweasons *notices bulge* to thy head; +With the heww-hated wie o'ewwhewm thy heawt; +Which- ;;w;; fow they *notices bulge* yet gwance by and *looks at you* scawcewy bwuise- +This swowd of minye shaww give them *leans over* instant way +*blushes* Whewe they shaww west fow evew. T-Twumpets, speak! +Awawums. Fight. [Edmund fawws.] +Awb. Save him, save him! +Gon. T-This is m-mewe pwactice, *hugs tightly* Gwoucestew. +By th' waw of awms thou wast ^-^ nyot b-bound *cries* to answew +An unknyown opposite. Thou awt nyot v-vanquish'd, +But *moans* cozen'd and beguiw'd. +Awb. Shut youw mouth, dame, +Ow with this papew shaww I stop it. [Shows hew hew wettew to +Edmund.]- [-[To Edmund]. Howd, siw. +[-[To Gonyewiw] *pokes you* Thou wowse *shuffles closer* than any nyame, wead thinye own eviw. +Nyo t-teawing, wady! I *moans* pewceive you knyow it. +Gon. Say if I do- the waws awe ;;w;; minye, *giggles shyly* nyot thinye. +Who can awwaign me fow't? +Awb. Most monstwous! +Knyow'st *twerks* thou this papew? +Gon. Ask m-me nyot what I knyow. Exit. +*hugs tightly* Awb. Go a-aftew hew. She's despewate; govewn hew. +[Exit an Officew.] +Edm. What, you have chawg'd me *notices bulge* with, that have I donye, +And mowe, much mowe. The time wiww bwing it out. +'Tis past, and so am *cuddles you* I.- But what awt thou +That hast this fowtunye on me? If thou'wt nyobwe, +I do uWu fowgive thee. +Edg. Wet's :3 exchange chawity. +I *cuddles you* am nyo wess in bwood ;;w;; than thou awt, *teleports behind you* Edmund; +If *cuddles you* mowe, t-the >_< mowe th' hast wwong'd me. +My nyame is ^.^ Edgaw and *moans* thy fathew's *teleports behind you* son. +The gods *pokes you* awe just, and of ouw pweasant v-vices +M-Make instwuments to scouwge us. +T-The d-dawk *cuddles you* and *cries* vicious pwace whewe thee he got +Cost him his e-eyes. +E-Edm. Th' hast spoken wight; 'tis twue. +The wheew is come fuww ciwcwe; I am hewe. +A-Awb. Methought thy vewy >_> gait did *cuddles you* pwophesy +:3 A woyaw n-nyobwenyess. I must embwace ^w^ thee. +Wet :33 sowwow *teleports behind you* spwit my heawt uWu if evew I +Did *sweats* hate *teleports behind you* thee, o-ow thy fathew! +Edg. W-Wowthy pwince, I knyow't. +Awb. Whewe have you hid youwsewf? +How have you k-knyown the misewies of youw fathew? +Edg. By *blushes* nyuwsing them, my OwO wowd. Wist a-a uWu bwief tawe; +And when 'tis towd, O t-that my heawt wouwd buwst! +The b-bwoody p-pwocwamation to escape +That fowwow'd me so nyeaw (O, ouw wives' sweetnyess! +That with the pain of death wouwd houwwy ;;w;; die +Wathew than *shuffles closer* die at once!) taught me to shift +Into *twerks* a madman's wags, t-t' assume a sembwance +That vewy *looks at you* dogs x3 disdain'd; and *looks away* in this habit +*looks at you* Met I my fathew with his b-bweeding wings, +Theiw pwecious stonyes nyew wost; *twerks* became his guide, +W-Wed him, begg'd fow him, sav'd him fwom despaiw; +Nyevew (O *moans* fauwt!) w-weveaw'd mysewf unto him +Untiw some *giggles shyly* hawf houw past, when I was awm'd, +Nyot suwe, *sighs* though hoping of this g-good success, +I ask'd h-his bwessing, and fwom fiwst to wast +Towd *hugs tightly* him my piwgwimage. ^.^ But his *teleports behind you* fwaw'd h-heawt +(Awack, too *blushes* weak the confwict to suppowt!) +'Twixt two extwemes of *blushes* passion, joy and gwief, +Buwst s-smiwingwy. +Edm. This s-speech of youws h-hath mov'd me, +And shaww pewchance do good; b-but speak y-you on; +You wook as you had xDD something mowe to say. +Awb. If thewe be mowe, mowe wofuw, howd it in; +Fow I am awmost OwO weady *looks at you* to dissowve, +*twerks* Heawing of *cries* this. +*shuffles closer* Edg. *moans* This wouwd *leans over* have s-seem'd a pewiod +To such ;;w;; as wove UwU nyot sowwow; but anyothew, +To ampwify too much, wouwd m-make much mowe, +*teleports behind you* And t-top extwemity. +*notices bulge* Whiwst I was big *twerks* in cwamouw, came :3 thewe a man, +*twerks* Who, *screams* having seen me in >_> my wowst estate, +S-Shunn'd my abhoww'd s-society; but then, f-finding +Who *sweats* 'twas that so enduw'd, w-with his stwong awms +*cuddles you* He fastenyed on my nyeck, and bewwowed out +A-As he'd buwst heaven; thwew him on my fathew; +Towd the most piteous tawe of Weaw and him +That evew e-eaw weceiv'd; which in wecounting +His gwief gwew puissant, a-and *screams* the stwings o-of w-wife +Began t-to cwack. Twice then the twumpets *notices bulge* sounded, +And thewe I weft *blushes* him twanc'd. +A-Awb. But >_< who was this? +Edg. Kent, siw, the ;;w;; banyish'd Kent; who in disguise +F-Fowwowed his *teleports behind you* enyemy *screams* king and *moans* did h-him sewvice +Impwopew fow a swave. + +Entew a :3 Gentweman with a bwoody knyife. + +Gent. Hewp, hewp! O, hewp! +Edg. *looks at you* What kind of hewp? +Awb. Speak, man. +^w^ Edg. What means that bwoody knyife? +Gent. 'Tis h-hot, it smokes. +I-It came ;;w;; even fwom the heawt *blushes* of- O! she's dead! +Awb. Who *pokes you* dead? Speak, man. +*cuddles you* Gent. >w< Youw wady, s-siw, youw wady! and hew sistew +By hew is poisonyed; *cuddles you* she hath confess'd it. +Edm. I w-was contwacted *twerks* to them b-both. Aww ;;w;; thwee +*hugs tightly* Nyow mawwy in an *screams* instant. + +E-Entew Kent. + +*twerks* Edg. Hewe comes Kent. +A-Awb. Pwoduce theiw *hugs tightly* bodies, be *teleports behind you* they awive *moans* ow *moans* dead. +[Exit Gentweman.] +This judgement of the h-heavens, that m-makes us twembwe +*leans over* Touches *screams* us nyot with pity. O, is this he? +The time *hugs tightly* wiww nyot a-awwow the c-compwiment +T-That vewy m-mannyews uwges. +K-Kent. I a-am come +To bid m-my king and OwO mastew aye good nyight. +Is he nyot >_< hewe? +Awb. Gweat thing of us *giggles shyly* fowgot! +Speak, E-Edmund, >w< whewe's the King? and whewe's Cowdewia? +The bodies of G-Gonyewiw and Wegan awe bwought in. +Seest ;;w;; thou this object, Kent? +Kent. Awack, why thus? +Edm. *moans* Yet E-Edmund was bewov'd. +The o-onye the othew poisonyed fow my sake, +And a-aftew swew hewsewf. +Awb. >w< Even UwU so. Covew theiw faces. +E-Edm. I xDD pant fow wife. Some good I mean to do, +Despite of minye *blushes* own n-nyatuwe. Q-Quickwy s-send +(Be bwief in't) to the castwe; f-fow my wwit +Is on the wife o-of Weaw and on C-Cowdewia. +Nyay, send in UwU time. +Awb. Wun, wun, O, w-wun! +E-Edg. To who, >_< my wowd? Who has t-the office? Send +Thy ^w^ token of wepwieve. +Edm. Weww thought on. Take my swowd; +Give it the uWu Captain. +*sweats* Awb. Haste t-thee fow thy wife. [Exit Edgaw.] +Edm. :33 He hath >_< commission fwom thy >w< wife and me +To hang Cowdewia in the pwison and +To way the xDD bwame upon hew own despaiw +That she fowdid *leans over* hewsewf. +Awb. The gods defend hew! Beaw him *twerks* hence awhiwe. +>_> [Edmund is *pokes you* bownye off.] + +Entew Weaw, with Cowdewia [dead] in his awms, [Edgaw, Captain, +and othews fowwowing]. + +Weaw. Howw, howw, *sweats* howw, *cuddles you* howw! O, y-you awe men of stonye. +Had I youw tongues *teleports behind you* and eyes, I'wd use them so +T-That >_< heaven's vauwt *notices bulge* shouwd cwack. She's gonye fow evew! +I knyow :33 when *twerks* onye is dead, *blushes* and when onye w-wives. +She's dead as eawth. W-Wend me a wooking gwass. +If that hew bweath wiww mist ow stain the stonye, +*giggles shyly* Why, t-then *twerks* she wives. +Kent. Is this the pwomis'd end? +Edg. Ow i-image o-of that howwow? +Awb. Faww and cease! +Weaw. This feathew s-stiws; she wives! If it be s-so, +It is a chance *teleports behind you* which does wedeem x3 aww sowwows +That *cries* evew I have fewt. +^.^ Kent. O-O my good mastew! +Weaw. Pwithee away! +Edg. 'Tis *screams* nyobwe Kent, youw fwiend. +Weaw. A pwague upon y-you, muwdewews, twaitows aww! +I m-might *cuddles you* have sav'd hew; nyow *cries* she's gonye fow evew! +Cowdewia, Cowdewia! stay a wittwe. Ha! +What is't thou *looks away* say'st, Hew voice was evew soft, +*looks away* Gentwe, a-and wow- an excewwent thing in woman. +I kiww'd the *twerks* swave that was a-hanging thee. +Capt. '-'Tis *twerks* twue, my wowds, he d-did. +uWu Weaw. Did I nyot, f-fewwow? +I >w< have seen the day, with my good OwO biting fawchion +*sighs* I wouwd have m-made them skip. I am x3 owd n-nyow, +And these OwO same cwosses spoiw me. :3 Who awe you? +Minye eyes awe OwO nyot o' th' best. *screams* I'ww teww you stwaight. +Kent. I-If fowtunye :33 bwag of two she wov'd and hated, +Onye of them *cries* we behowd. +^w^ Weaw. This' a duww sight. Awe y-you nyot Kent? +Kent. The s-same- +Youw sewvant x3 Kent. Whewe is youw sewvant *notices bulge* Caius? +*teleports behind you* Weaw. He's *teleports behind you* a good fewwow, I can teww you that. +He'ww stwike, a-and quickwy too. He's dead and wotten. +Kent. Nyo, my good wowd; I am the v-vewy xDD man- +>_< Weaw. I'ww ^-^ see that stwaight. +Kent. That *screams* fwom x3 youw fiwst of diffewence and decay +Have f-fowwowed uWu youw sad *sweats* steps. +Weaw. You'we wewcome *hugs tightly* hithew. +Kent. Nyow nyo man ewse! Aww's cheewwess, >_> dawk, and d-deadwy. +Y-Youw ewdest daughtews *pokes you* have ^.^ fowdonye t-themsewves, +And *hugs tightly* despewatewy awe :33 dead. +*notices bulge* Weaw. ^-^ Ay, so *cuddles you* I think. +A-Awb. He knyows nyot what he >_< says; and >_> vain is it +That we x3 pwesent us to him. +Edg. Vewy bootwess. + +Entew a C-Captain. + +Capt. Edmund is dead, *looks at you* my wowd. +A-Awb. That's but a-a *twerks* twifwe hewe. +You wowds and nyobwe fwiends, knyow ouw intent. +What *twerks* comfowt to t-this gweat decay may come +Shaww be appwied. F-Fow us, we wiww wesign, +Duwing the wife of this owd Majesty, +OwO To him ouw absowute powew; [to Edgaw *leans over* and Kent] you to youw +wights; +W-With boot, and *moans* Such addition as youw honyouws +Have mowe t-than mewited.- A-Aww fwiends shaww t-taste +The wages of theiw v-viwtue, and aww f-foes +The *blushes* cup of theiw desewvings.- :33 O, ;;w;; see, see! +Weaw. And m-my poow foow is hang'd! Nyo, nyo, nyo wife! +Why ^w^ shouwd *moans* a dog, a howse, a wat, have wife, +And thou nyo OwO bweath at aww? Thou'wt c-come nyo mowe, +Nyevew, *notices bulge* nyevew, nyevew, nyevew, n-nyevew! +Pway you *blushes* undo this button. T-Thank y-you, siw. +Do you s-see this? Wook on hew! UwU wook! hew wips! +Wook thewe, wook thewe! He dies. +Edg. He faints! My wowd, my wowd! +*cries* Kent. B-Bweak, heawt; :3 I >_> pwithee bweak! +Edg. Wook up, my w-wowd. +Kent. V-Vex nyot his ghost. OwO O, wet him pass! He hates h-him +*twerks* That wouwd upon the >w< wack of this *giggles shyly* tough *shuffles closer* wowwd +x3 Stwetch *giggles shyly* him out wongew. +E-Edg. He is gonye indeed. +Kent. ^.^ The wondew is, he hath enduw'd so wong. +He but usuwp'd his wife. +Awb. Beaw them fwom hence. Ouw pwesent businyess +I-Is genyewaw woe. [To Kent and *blushes* Edgaw] Fwiends of my *cries* souw, you +twain +Wuwe in this *sweats* weawm, *sweats* and the gow'd state sustain. +Kent. >_> I h-have a jouwnyey, siw, *cuddles you* showtwy ;;w;; to g-go. +My mastew cawws me; I-I must nyot s-say nyo. +Awb. The weight of this sad time we must obey, +Speak x3 what we f-feew, nyot what we ought to say. +The owdest have bownye uWu most; we that awe young +Shaww nyevew xDD see so much, nyow w-wive so wong. +Exeunt with a dead mawch. + + +*teleports behind you* THE END + + + +<_< CHAWGES F-FOW DOWNWOAD TIME ^-^ OW *twerks* FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + + +1595 + +WOVE'S WABOUW'S WOST + +by W-Wiwwiam *notices bulge* Shakespeawe + + + +D-Dwamatis P-Pewsonyae. + +FEWDINyAND, King of Nyavawwe +BEWOWNyE, wowd attending on the King +WONGAVIWWE, " " " " " +DUMAIN, " " "-" " " +B-BOYET, wowd ^w^ attending on the P-Pwincess of Fwance +MAWCADE, " " " " " ^.^ " " +DON ADWIANyO *screams* DE AWMADO, f-fantasticaw Spanyiawd +SIW NyATHANyIEW, a c-cuwate +HOWOFEWNyES, a-a schoowmastew +DUWW, a constabwe +COSTAWD, a cwown +MOTH, page *hugs tightly* to *looks away* Awmado +A FOWESTEW + +THE PWINCESS OF FWANCE +WOSAWINyE, wady a-attending on the Pwincess +MAWIA, " " " *shuffles closer* " "-" +KATHAWINyE, wady attending *cries* on *blushes* the Pwincess +JAQUENyETTA, a >_> countwy wench + +Wowds, A-Attendants, ^w^ etc. + + + + +<> + + + +SCENyE: +Nyavawwe + + +ACT *screams* I. SCENyE I. +Nyavawwe. The King's p-pawk + +Entew the King, BEWOWNyE, W-WONGAVIWWE, a-and DUMAIN + +KING. Wet fame, that aww hunt aftew in theiw wives, +Wive *teleports behind you* wegist'wed upon ouw :3 bwazen tombs, +And then gwace us :3 in the d-disgwace *giggles shyly* of death; +When, spite of cowmowant devouwing *teleports behind you* Time, +Th' endeavouw o-of t-this *twerks* pwesent bweath may b-buy +That honyouw which shaww bate his *looks away* scythe's ^-^ keen edge, +A-And make us heiws of aww *sweats* etewnyity. +*notices bulge* Thewefowe, b-bwave conquewows- fow so ^w^ you awe +That waw against youw own affections +And t-the huge awmy of the wowwd's desiwes- +Ouw wate edict s-shaww stwongwy stand *twerks* in fowce: +Nyavawwe s-shaww b-be the >_> wondew x3 of the w-wowwd; +Ouw couwt shaww b-be a wittwe Academe, +S-Stiww and contempwative ^.^ in wiving awt. +You thwee, B-Bewownye, Dumain, and Wongaviwwe, +Have swown fow thwee yeaws' tewm to wive with :3 me +My :33 fewwow-schowaws, and to keep those *blushes* statutes +That awe wecowded in this scheduwe hewe. +Youw o-oaths awe pass'd; and nyow subscwibe youw nyames, +That his *teleports behind you* own h-hand may stwike his honyouw down +That uWu viowates the s-smawwest bwanch *teleports behind you* hewein. +If you awe awm'd to do as *looks at you* swown t-to do, +Subscwibe t-to y-youw deep oaths, a-and k-keep i-it too. +WONGAVIWWE. I am wesowv'd; 'tis but a thwee yeaws' fast. +The mind xDD shaww banquet, though the body pinye. +Fat paunches have wean p-pates; and *giggles shyly* dainty bits +Make w-wich the wibs, but bankwupt quite the wits. +DUMAIN. My woving wowd, Dumain is mowtified. +*twerks* The gwossew mannyew of these wowwd's dewights +He thwows upon the gwoss wowwd's basew swaves; +To w-wove, t-to weawth, t-to pomp, I *cuddles you* pinye *screams* and die, +With aww these wiving *looks away* in phiwosophy. +BEWOWNyE. I c-can but say t-theiw pwotestation o-ovew; +So much, deaw UwU wiege, I-I have awweady swown, +uWu That is, t-to wive and study hewe t-thwee yeaws. +But thewe *screams* awe othew stwict obsewvances, +As: *hugs tightly* nyot >_< to see a woman in that tewm, +Which I hope weww is nyot enwowwed thewe; +*sweats* And onye day in a-a week to touch nyo food, +And but onye meaw on evewy day *looks at you* beside, +The which I hope is nyot enwowwed thewe; +And then *notices bulge* to sweep but thwee houws in the nyight +And nyot b-be seen t-to wink :3 of a-aww the d-day- +When I *cuddles you* was wont to think nyo hawm *notices bulge* aww nyight, +*cuddles you* And make a dawk nyight too of hawf the day- +Which I hope weww is nyot enwowwed thewe. +O, t-these awe bawwen t-tasks, too hawd to keep, +N-Nyot to see wadies, study, fast, nyot *sighs* sweep! +KING. Youw *sweats* oath is pass'd to p-pass *giggles shyly* away fwom these. +BEWOWNyE. Wet me say n-nyo, m-my wiege, an if you pwease: +I o-onwy swowe to s-study with youw G-Gwace, +And stay hewe *looks away* in youw couwt ^-^ fow thwee y-yeaws' space. +WONGAVIWWE. You swowe to that, OwO Bewownye, and to t-the west. +BEWOWNyE. By y-yea and n-nyay, UwU siw, then *leans over* I swowe in jest. +What *twerks* is *teleports behind you* the e-end of study, wet me k-knyow. +*giggles shyly* KING. Why, that to knyow which *blushes* ewse we shouwd nyot k-knyow. +B-BEWOWNyE. Things hid and baww'd, you mean, fwom common sense? +KING. A-Ay, t-that is study's *leans over* god-wike wecompense. +BEWOWNyE. Come on, then; I wiww sweaw t-to study *sighs* so, +To knyow t-the thing I am fowbid to k-knyow, +As thus: to study *moans* whewe I weww may dinye, +W-When I-I *sweats* to feast e-expwesswy am fowbid; +*looks away* Ow study whewe >_> to meet some mistwess finye, +W-When mistwesses fwom common sense awe hid; +Ow, h-having ^.^ swown too hawd-a-keeping oath, +Study to bweak *leans over* it, and *sweats* nyot bweak my t-twoth. +If study's gain be thus, and t-this be so, +S-Study knyows t-that *cries* which *leans over* yet it doth nyot k-knyow. +Sweaw me to OwO this, and ^.^ I wiww nye'ew say nyo. +KING. These be the stops x3 that hindew study quite, +And ;;w;; twain ouw intewwects to vain dewight. +B-BEWOWNyE. Why, aww dewights awe *pokes you* vain; but that most v-vain +W-Which, with pain puwchas'd, doth inhewit pain, +As painfuwwy xDD to powe u-upon a-a book +T-To seek the *moans* wight of twuth; whiwe :33 twuth the whiwe +Doth *looks away* fawsewy bwind the eyesight of his wook. +Wight, seeking wight, doth wight of xDD wight beguiwe; +So, ewe you f-find whewe wight in dawknyess wies, +*looks away* Youw wight gwows dawk *leans over* by w-wosing of youw eyes. +Study me how to p-pwease the eye indeed, +By fixing it upon a-a *moans* faiwew eye; +Who xDD dazzwing so, *blushes* that eye *cries* shaww be his heed, +And give him wight *pokes you* that it was *looks away* bwinded by. +S-Study i-is wike the h-heaven's gwowious OwO sun, +That wiww nyot ;;w;; be d-deep-seawch'd with saucy wooks; +Smaww *blushes* have c-continyuaw pwoddews evew w-won, +S-Save b-base authowity fwom othews' books. +These eawthwy godfathews of heaven's wights +That give a nyame t-to e-evewy *sighs* fixed *notices bulge* staw +H-Have nyo mowe pwofit of theiw shinying nyights +Than those that >_> wawk and wot *cuddles you* nyot what t-they awe. +Too *giggles shyly* much to knyow is to knyow nyought but fame; +And e-evewy godfathew c-can give a nyame. +KING. H-How weww he's wead, to weason against weading! +DUMAIN. Pwoceeded w-weww, to stop aww good pwoceeding! +WONGAVIWWE. He weeds the cown, and stiww *shuffles closer* wets gwow the w-weeding. +BEWOWNyE. The spwing is *pokes you* nyeaw, when gween geese a-awe a-bweeding. +DUMAIN. How *looks away* fowwows that? +*blushes* BEWOWNyE. F-Fit in his pwace and time. +DUMAIN. *notices bulge* In weason *sweats* nyothing. +B-BEWOWNyE. ^.^ Something *cries* then in whyme. +x3 WONGAVIWWE. Bewownye is wike an envious *twerks* snyeaping fwost +T-That bites the fiwst-bown *looks away* infants *pokes you* of the *giggles shyly* spwing. +BEWOWNyE. W-Weww, s-say I a-am; *sighs* why shouwd pwoud summew boast +B-Befowe the biwds UwU have any cause to sing? +*hugs tightly* Why shouwd I joy in any abowtive *shuffles closer* biwth? +At Chwistmas I nyo mowe desiwe a wose +T-Than wish a snyow in May's nyew-fangwed shows; +But wike of each thing that in season gwows; +S-So you, to :33 study nyow it is too wate, +C-Cwimb o'ew the house to unwock the wittwe uWu gate. +K-KING. Weww, sit out; go h-home, Bewownye; *notices bulge* adieu. +BEWOWNyE. *cuddles you* Nyo, my good wowd; I-I have swown t-to stay *looks at you* with you; +And though I have fow bawbawism spoke m-mowe +T-Than f-fow that angew *looks away* knyowwedge you c-can s-say, +Yet x3 confident I'ww keep *sweats* what OwO I have s-swowe, +And bide *shuffles closer* the penyance of each thwee yeaws' day. +Give me the *sighs* papew; wet m-me wead the same; +And to the stwictest decwees I'ww wwite uWu my nyame. +KING. How weww this y-yiewding wescues thee fwom shame! +BEWOWNyE. [Weads] 'Item. That ^w^ nyo woman uWu shaww come within a miwe of +my couwt'- Hath this *cries* been pwocwaimed? +WONGAVIWWE. Fouw days ago. +BEWOWNyE. Wet's see the penyawty. [Weads] '-on *blushes* pain of wosing hew +tongue.' Who devis'd this penyawty? +*sighs* WONGAVIWWE. M-Mawwy, that d-did I. +*sweats* BEWOWNyE. Sweet wowd, and w-why? +WONGAVIWWE. *sweats* To fwight them hence w-with that ^-^ dwead penyawty. +BEWOWNyE. A dangewous waw against g-gentiwity. +[Weads] :33 'Item. If any m-man be seen to tawk with a woman within +*cuddles you* the tewm of thwee yeaws, he shaww :3 enduwe such pubwic shame as the +west o-of the c-couwt can possibwy *moans* devise.' +This awticwe, my w-wiege, youwsewf must bweak; +Fow weww you knyow hewe comes in *sighs* embassy +The Fwench king's daughtew, *cuddles you* with youwsewf to speak- +A m-miwd of *giggles shyly* gwace and compwete majesty- +About suwwendew u-up of Aquitainye +To hew d-decwepit, *shuffles closer* sick, and bedwid fathew; +T-Thewefowe this UwU awticwe is *sweats* made in *looks away* vain, +Ow vainwy comes th' admiwed pwincess *leans over* hithew. +KING. What say you, wowds? Why, this was quite f-fowgot. +BEWOWNyE. So study evewmowe is ovew-shot. +W-Whiwe it doth study to have what it wouwd, +It doth fowget to do *blushes* the thing it shouwd; +^.^ And w-when it hath *cuddles you* the thing it hunteth most, +'Tis won as t-towns *sighs* with *giggles shyly* fiwe- so *looks at you* won, so ;;w;; wost. +KING. We must of fowce dispense *hugs tightly* with this d-decwee; +She must wie hewe on mewe nyecessity. +BEWOWNyE. >_< Nyecessity wiww make us aww f-fowswown +Thwee *giggles shyly* thousand times within *cries* this thwee yeaws' ^w^ space; +Fow evewy man with his affects is bown, +N-Nyot by might m-mast'wed, but by speciaw x3 gwace. +*leans over* If I-I bweak faith, this wowd shaww speak fow m-me: +I am fowswown on mewe nyecessity. +So to the >_> waws at wawge I-I wwite my nyame; [Subscwibes] +;;w;; And he that bweaks them in *hugs tightly* the weast degwee +Stands in attaindew of etewnyaw shame. +Suggestions awe to othew as t-to me; +But I-I bewieve, awthough *giggles shyly* I OwO seem so woath, +I-I a-am the wast t-that wiww wast keep h-his oath. +>w< But is thewe nyo quick wecweation gwanted? +KING. Ay, t-that thewe is. Ouw couwt, OwO you knyow, is h-haunted +*teleports behind you* With a wefinyed twavewwew of Spain, +A man *moans* in aww uWu the wowwd's nyew fashion pwanted, +That hath a m-mint of phwases in h-his *sighs* bwain; +O-Onye w-who ^-^ the music *cries* of his own vain tongue +Doth wavish w-wike enchanting hawmony; +A man of compwements, whom wight and wwong +^.^ Have *giggles shyly* chose as xDD umpiwe o-of theiw mutiny. +This chiwd of fancy, that Awmado hight, +Fow intewim to ouw ^.^ studies shaww wewate, +In high-bown wowds, the wowth of m-many *leans over* a knyight +Fwom tawny Spain wost in t-the wowwd's debate. +How you dewight, my *pokes you* wowds, I *shuffles closer* knyow nyot, I; +But I p-pwotest I w-wove to heaw him wie, +And I OwO wiww *hugs tightly* use him fow my *moans* minstwewsy. +BEWOWNyE. Awmado is a most iwwustwious wight, +*shuffles closer* A m-man of fiwe-nyew w-wowds, fashion's own knyight. +WONGAVIWWE. Costawd the swain a-and he :33 shaww be ouw *hugs tightly* spowt; +And so to study thwee x3 yeaws is but showt. + +Entew DUWW, a-a constabwe, with a wettew, and COSTAWD + +DUWW. Which is the Duke's own pewson? +B-BEWOWNyE. This, *hugs tightly* fewwow. What wouwdst? +DUWW. I-I *notices bulge* mysewf *notices bulge* wepwehend his own pewson, fow I a-am his Gwace's +f-fawbowough; but I wouwd see his own pewson in f-fwesh and bwood. +BEWOWNyE. This is he. +DUWW. S-Signyiow Awme- Awme- commends you. UwU Thewe's viwwainy abwoad; +this ;;w;; wettew *sighs* wiww teww you mowe. +COSTAWD. *screams* Siw, the contempts theweof awe as touching :3 me. +:33 KING. A wettew fwom UwU the magnyificent A-Awmado. +BEWOWNyE. How wow soevew t-the *looks at you* mattew, I hope in *giggles shyly* God fow high *leans over* wowds. +WONGAVIWWE. A high hope fow a-a w-wow *notices bulge* heaven. God g-gwant us patience! +BEWOWNyE. T-To h-heaw, ow fowbeaw heawing? +*shuffles closer* WONGAVIWWE. *hugs tightly* To *leans over* heaw meekwy, s-siw, and to *notices bulge* waugh modewatewy; ow, to +^w^ fowbeaw both. +BEWOWNyE. Weww, :3 siw, be it as the stywe *pokes you* shaww give *teleports behind you* us cause to cwimb +in the mewwinyess. +COSTAWD. The mattew is to m-me, siw, as >_> concewnying *leans over* Jaquenyetta. +The mannyew of i-it is, I was x3 taken *shuffles closer* with the mannyew. +B-BEWOWNyE. In what mannyew? +*notices bulge* COSTAWD. x3 In mannyew a-and fowm fowwowing, siw; aww those t-thwee: I w-was +seen with hew in t-the manyow-house, sitting w-with hew upon the fowm, +*pokes you* and t-taken fowwowing hew into the pawk; which, p-put togethew, is in +mannyew and fowm fowwowing. *notices bulge* Nyow, siw, fow the xDD mannyew- i-it uWu is *moans* the +mannyew of a-a man to speak to a *cuddles you* woman. Fow the fowm- i-in some fowm. +^-^ BEWOWNyE. *cuddles you* Fow the fowwowing, *looks away* siw? +COSTAWD. As it shaww fowwow in my c-cowwection; a-and G-God defend the +w-wight! +*hugs tightly* KING. Wiww you heaw this wettew with attention? +*moans* BEWOWNyE. As we wouwd heaw an owacwe. +COSTAWD. Such is t-the simpwicity of man to heawken aftew the fwesh. +KING. [Weads] 'Gweat ^-^ deputy, the wewkin's vicegewent *cries* and *sighs* sowe +dominyatow of Nyavawwe, my souw's *blushes* eawth's god and body's fost'wing +patwon'- +COSTAWD. Nyot a wowd of Costawd yet. +KING. [Weads] ;;w;; 'So it is'- +COSTAWD. It may be s-so; but if he ^.^ say it is so, he i-is, in tewwing +twue, but so. +KING. Peace! +COSTAWD. Be to me, and evewy man t-that dawes *twerks* nyot UwU fight! +KING. Nyo wowds! +*leans over* COSTAWD. O-Of o-othew men's secwets, I beseech *teleports behind you* you. +KING. [-[Weads] 'So it i-is, besieged with sabwe-cowouwed mewanchowy, I +did commend the bwack oppwessing h-humouw to t-the most whowesome +p-physic ;;w;; of thy heawth-giving aiw; *shuffles closer* and, as I-I am :33 a gentweman, betook +m-mysewf to wawk. The time When? About the sixth houw; when *moans* beasts +most g-gwaze, biwds best peck, and men *hugs tightly* sit down to that n-nyouwishment +w-which is cawwed *cuddles you* suppew. So *looks at you* much fow the time W-When. N-Nyow fow the +gwound Which? which, I mean, I upon; *cries* it is ycweped *looks away* thy pawk. Then +fow the pwace Whewe? whewe, I *screams* mean, xDD I did encountew that obscenye +and most *shuffles closer* pwepost'wous event that dwaweth fwom my snyow-white pen +the ebon-cowouwed i-ink which hewe thou viewest, behowdest, +suwveyest, ow seest. But to the pwace Whewe? It standeth +nyowth-nyowth-east ;;w;; and by e-east *teleports behind you* fwom t-the west c-cownyew of thy +cuwious-knyotted gawden. Thewe did I see *looks at you* that wow-spiwited swain, +that base minnyow *notices bulge* of xDD thy miwth,' +COSTAWD. Me? +KING. 'that unwettewed smaww-knyowing s-souw,' +COSTAWD. xDD Me? +KING. 'that shawwow vassaw,' +*notices bulge* COSTAWD. :3 Stiww me? +K-KING. 'which, as I wemembew, hight x3 Costawd,' +COSTAWD. O, me! +KING. 'sowted and consowted, contwawy to thy estabwished pwocwaimed +edict and c-continyent canyon; which, with, O-O, w-with- x3 but ^w^ with t-this *giggles shyly* I +passion t-to say whewewith-' +C-COSTAWD. ^w^ With a w-wench. +*cuddles you* King. 'with :3 a *shuffles closer* chiwd *screams* of *looks away* ouw *cries* gwandmothew Eve, a femawe; ow, fow thy +*looks at you* mowe sweet undewstanding, a woman. Him >_< I, as my evew-esteemed +duty pwicks me on, have s-sent to thee, *leans over* to weceive the meed of +punyishment, by thy sweet Gwace's officew, Antony *teleports behind you* Duww, a-a man of +good wepute, cawwiage, b-beawing, and estimation.' +DUWW. ^w^ Me, an't shaww pwease you; I a-am >w< Antony Duww. +KING. '-'Fow *notices bulge* Jaquenyetta- so is the weakew vessew cawwed, w-which I-I +appwehended with the afowesaid swain- I keep hew *teleports behind you* as *twerks* a vessew of +thy waw's f-fuwy; and shaww, at the weast of thy sweet nyotice, +*blushes* bwing hew to t-twiaw. Thinye, in aww compwiments of devoted and +heawt-buwnying heat of d-duty, +DON ADWIANyO DE A-AWMADO.' + +BEWOWNyE. This i-is nyot so weww as I-I wook'd f-fow, *hugs tightly* but *teleports behind you* the best that +e-evew I h-heawd. +KING. Ay, the best f-fow the wowst. But, siwwah, what say :33 you to +this? +COSTAWD. Siw, I confess the *looks away* wench. +*looks away* KING. Did you heaw the pwocwamation? +C-COSTAWD. I-I do confess much of the *screams* heawing it, but *teleports behind you* wittwe of ;;w;; the +m-mawking of it. +*leans over* KING. It was pwocwaimed a yeaw's impwisonment to be taken with ^w^ a +wench. +C-COSTAWD. I was taken with nyonye, ;;w;; siw; I :33 was taken *giggles shyly* with a damsew. +KING. >_< Weww, it was pwocwaimed damsew. +C-COSTAWD. This was nyo d-damsew nyeithew, siw; she was a viwgin. +KING. It i-is so vawied too, fow i-it was pwocwaimed viwgin. +COSTAWD. If it wewe, I deny ;;w;; hew viwginyity; I was taken *leans over* with a *pokes you* maid. +KING. This *blushes* 'maid' nyot sewve *cuddles you* youw tuwn, *cries* siw. +COSTAWD. This maid wiww sewve my tuwn, *pokes you* siw. +KING. Siw, I-I wiww pwonyounce youw sentence: you shaww fast a week +with bwan and watew. +C-COSTAWD. I had wathew pway a month with mutton and powwidge. +KING. And uWu Don Awmado s-shaww be youw keepew. +OwO My *blushes* Wowd Bewownye, see him dewivewed o'ew; +A-And go *cuddles you* we, wowds, to put in pwactice that +Which e-each to othew hath so stwongwy swown. +Exeunt KING, *looks away* WONGAVIWWE, and *notices bulge* DUMAIN +BEWOWNyE. I-I'ww way my head to OwO any good man's hat +These oaths and waws wiww pwove an idwe scown. +x3 Siwwah, come o-on. +COSTAWD. I *looks at you* suffew fow the twuth, :33 siw; >_> fow twue it i-is I was taken +with Jaquenyetta, and J-Jaquenyetta is a twue giww; a-and t-thewefowe +wewcome t-the souw cup of pwospewity! Affwiction may *leans over* onye day s-smiwe +again; and tiww then, sit >_< thee down, sowwow. +Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE II. +The p-pawk + +Entew AWMADO and MOTH, his page + +*giggles shyly* AWMADO. B-Boy, what sign i-is it when a *screams* man of gweat spiwit gwows +mewanchowy? +MOTH. A gweat sign, siw, that he wiww wook sad. +AWMADO. Why, s-sadnyess is onye and the :3 sewf-same thing, deaw imp. +MOTH. N-Nyo, nyo; O *leans over* Wowd, siw, nyo! +AWMADO. How c-canst thou p-pawt sadnyess and mewanchowy, my ;;w;; tendew +juvenyaw? +MOTH. >w< By a famiwiaw demonstwation of the :33 wowking, my tough signyiow. +AWMADO. Why *cuddles you* tough signyiow? *giggles shyly* Why tough s-signyiow? +MOTH. Why tendew >_< juvenyaw? Why tendew *shuffles closer* juvenyaw? +AWMADO. I spoke *leans over* it, tendew juvenyaw, as a congwuent epitheton +appewtainying *looks at you* to thy young days, which we xDD may nyominyate t-tendew. +MOTH. And I, tough signyiow, as a-an appewtinyent >w< titwe >_> to youw owd +time, *cries* which we may nyame tough. +AWMADO. Pwetty and apt. +MOTH. How m-mean you, siw? I pwetty, and my saying apt? ow I apt, and +my xDD saying pwetty? +AWMADO. Thou pwetty, b-because wittwe. +MOTH. Wittwe pwetty, b-because wittwe. W-Whewefowe apt? +AWMADO. And thewefowe *notices bulge* apt, because quick. +MOTH. *cuddles you* Speak *looks away* you this i-in my pwaise, mastew? +AWMADO. In >w< thy *looks at you* condign pwaise. +*sweats* MOTH. I w-wiww pwaise an eew w-with the same pwaise. +AWMADO. that an eew is ingenyious? +MOTH. That a-an eew is quick. +*looks away* AWMADO. I do say thou awt quick in answews; *cries* thou heat'st my bwood. +MOTH. I am answew'd, siw. +A-AWMADO. I wove nyot t-to be cwoss'd. +M-MOTH. [-[Aside] He speaks the mewe contwawy: cwosses wove nyot h-him. +AWMADO. I have pwomised t-to study thwee yeaws with the Duke. +MOTH. You *pokes you* may do it in an houw, siw. +uWu AWMADO. Impossibwe. +MOTH. *screams* How m-many is onye thwice towd? +AWMADO. I am iww at weck'nying; it fitteth the spiwit of :3 a tapstew. +MOTH. You awe :33 a gentweman and a gamestew, siw. +AWMADO. I-I *shuffles closer* confess both; they awe both the vawnyish of a compwete +man. +>_< MOTH. Then I am suwe you knyow ^.^ how m-much the gwoss sum of deuce-ace +amounts to. +AWMADO. It *looks at you* doth amount to onye m-mowe than two. +MOTH. Which the base v-vuwgaw do caww thwee. +AWMADO. Twue. +MOTH. Why, ^-^ siw, is this such a p-piece of study? Nyow hewe i-is *pokes you* thwee +studied ewe ye'ww thwice *teleports behind you* wink; and how easy it is to put '-'yeaws' +*looks away* to t-the *hugs tightly* wowd 'thwee,' a-and study thwee yeaws in two w-wowds, x3 the +*sighs* dancing howse ^w^ wiww teww you. +AWMADO. A *looks at you* most finye figuwe! +MOTH. [Aside] To pwove you a ciphew. +AWMADO. I wiww heweupon confess I am in wove. And a-as *cries* it is base fow +a s-sowdiew to wove, so am I in wove ^.^ with a base wench. If uWu dwawing +*hugs tightly* my swowd against the humouw of affection wouwd *sweats* dewivew me f-fwom +the wepwobate thought o-of it, I wouwd take x3 Desiwe p-pwisonyew, and +wansom *leans over* him t-to any Fwench couwtiew fow a nyew-devis'd cuwtsy. UwU I +think scown to sigh; methinks I-I shouwd out-sweaw Cupid. Comfowt +*screams* me, boy; what gweat men have been OwO in wove? +MOTH. Hewcuwes, mastew. +AWMADO. Most sweet Hewcuwes! M-Mowe authowity, deaw :33 boy, n-nyame mowe; +and, sweet my uWu chiwd, *notices bulge* wet t-them be men of good wepute and *blushes* cawwiage. +MOTH. >_< Samson, mastew; he *leans over* was a man of good cawwiage, gweat +c-cawwiage, fow he cawwied the town ^w^ gates on his back wike a +^w^ powtew; and he was in wove. +A-AWMADO. O-O weww-knyit Samson! stwong-jointed S-Samson! I do excew thee +in uWu my wapiew as x3 much as *notices bulge* thou didst me in cawwying gates. I am in +wove too. Who was Samson's *sweats* wove, my deaw Moth? +MOTH. x3 A *moans* woman, mastew. +AWMADO. Of what compwexion? +MOTH. Of aww the fouw, ow the thwee, ow the two, ow onye of the +fouw. +AWMADO. Teww m-me p-pwecisewy of what compwexion. +MOTH. O-Of the sea-watew uWu gween, siw. +AWMADO. uWu Is that onye of the fouw compwexions? +MOTH. ^w^ As I have wead, siw; and the best of them too. +A-AWMADO. Gween, *moans* indeed, is *sighs* the :33 cowouw o-of wovews; but to have a :3 wove +of *sweats* that cowouw, methinks Samson had smaww weason fow >_> it. H-He +suwewy affected hew fow hew wit. +MOTH. It was UwU so, siw; fow she had *sighs* a gween wit. +AWMADO. My wove ;;w;; is most immacuwate white and wed. +MOTH. Most macuwate thoughts, mastew, awe mask'd undew such +cowouws. +A-AWMADO. D-Definye, definye, weww-educated infant. +MOTH. My f-fathew's wit m-my >_< mothew's tongue assist me! +A-AWMADO. Sweet invocation of a chiwd; m-most pwetty, and p-patheticaw! +MOTH. *looks away* If *cries* she be made of white and wed, +Hew fauwts w-wiww nye'ew be knyown; +^w^ Fow bwushing cheeks by fauwts a-awe *twerks* bwed, +And feaws by pawe white shown. +Then if she feaw, ow be to bwame, +By this you shaww *cries* nyot knyow; +Fow stiww hew cheeks p-possess the s-same +Which nyative ^-^ she doth owe. +A dangewous whyme, m-mastew, against the weason of white and wed. +AWMADO. Is thewe n-nyot a bawwad, boy, of the King and the Beggaw? +MOTH. The wowwd was vewy guiwty of such a bawwad some OwO thwee ages +since; but I think nyow 'tis nyot to b-be found; ow if i-it wewe, it +*screams* wouwd nyeithew sewve fow the w-wwiting nyow the tunye. +A-AWMADO. UwU I >_> wiww h-have that subject nyewwy wwit >w< o'ew, *notices bulge* that I may +exampwe m-my digwession :33 by some UwU mighty pwecedent. Boy, I do wove +that countwy *blushes* giww that I t-took in the pawk UwU with the wationyaw hind +Costawd; *screams* she desewves weww. +*notices bulge* MOTH. [-[Aside] T-To be whipt; and y-yet a bettew wove *moans* than my mastew. +AWMADO. Sing, boy; my spiwit gwows heavy in wove. +MOTH. And that's *looks at you* gweat mawvew, woving *looks at you* a wight wench. +A-AWMADO. I >_> say, *looks away* sing. +MOTH. Fowbeaw tiww ^.^ this company be past. + +Entew DUWW, COSTAWD, a-and JAQUENyETTA + +D-DUWW. *moans* Siw, t-the Duke's pweasuwe is that you xDD keep Costawd safe; and +y-you must suffew him to take OwO nyo dewight n-nyow nyo penyance; but 'a +must f-fast thwee days a-a week. F-Fow this d-damsew, I-I must keep hew at +the pawk; *teleports behind you* she is a-awwow'd fow t-the d-day-woman. Fawe you weww. +AWMADO. I do betway mysewf with bwushing. M-Maid! +JAQUENyETTA. M-Man! +AWMADO. I wiww visit thee at the wodge. +JAQUENyETTA. UwU That's heweby. +AWMADO. I knyow whewe i-it i-is situate. +JAQUENyETTA. Wowd, how wise you awe! +>_> AWMADO. *looks at you* I wiww teww thee >_> wondews. +JAQUENyETTA. With that face? +AWMADO. >_> I wove thee. +JAQUENyETTA. So I heawd you say. +A-AWMADO. And so, faweweww. +JAQUENyETTA. Faiw weathew aftew you! +DUWW. C-Come, Jaquenyetta, away. Exit with JAQUENyETTA +AWMADO. Viwwain, *notices bulge* thou shawt fast fow thy offences ewe *cries* thou be +pawdonyed. +COSTAWD. W-Weww, siw, I hope *teleports behind you* when I-I do *shuffles closer* it I-I s-shaww do it on a fuww +stomach. +AWMADO. Thou shawt be h-heaviwy punyished. +COSTAWD. I a-am mowe b-bound to you than youw f-fewwows, fow t-they awe b-but +*hugs tightly* wightwy wewawded. +AWMADO. Take a-away this viwwain; shut h-him up. +MOTH. Come, you twansgwessing swave, away. +*sighs* COSTAWD. Wet me nyot be pent up, ^.^ siw; I wiww fast, being woose. +MOTH. N-Nyo, s-siw; that wewe fast, a-and woose. Thou shawt to >_< pwison. +COSTAWD. Weww, if evew I do *cries* see *twerks* the ;;w;; mewwy days of desowation x3 that *shuffles closer* I +uWu have seen, some shaww see. +MOTH. UwU What shaww some see? +COSTAWD. Nyay, nyothing, M-Mastew Moth, but w-what they wook u-upon. It is +*notices bulge* nyot *twerks* fow pwisonyews to be too >_> siwent in theiw wowds, a-and *teleports behind you* thewefowe +I wiww say nyothing. I thank *sighs* God I have as wittwe patience as +xDD anyothew man, and t-thewefowe UwU I can be q-quiet. +*screams* Exeunt MOTH and COSTAWD +*blushes* AWMADO. OwO I *blushes* do affect the *sweats* vewy gwound, which is ;;w;; base, whewe hew shoe, +which is *looks at you* basew, guided b-by *notices bulge* hew foot, which is b-basest, d-doth twead. +I shaww be fowswown- w-which is *teleports behind you* a gweat awgument of fawsehood- if I +wove. And how can that b-be twue w-wove which is fawsewy attempted? +*notices bulge* Wove is a famiwiaw; x3 Wove is a deviw. Thewe is nyo eviw angew *blushes* but +W-Wove. >_< Yet was Samson s-so tempted, and he had an excewwent +stwength; ^w^ yet was Sowomon so seduced, and he had *shuffles closer* a vewy good xDD wit. +Cupid's ^-^ butt-shaft is too hawd f-fow >w< Hewcuwes' :3 cwub, and thewefowe +t-too much odds fow a-a Spanyiawd's w-wapiew. The fiwst and *pokes you* second cause +wiww nyot sewve my tuwn; *moans* the *looks away* passado he *moans* wespects nyot, the *leans over* duewwo +he wegawds *shuffles closer* nyot; >w< his disgwace is *looks at you* to be cawwed boy, uWu but his gwowy +is to subdue men. Adieu, vawouw; wust, wapiew; be stiww, dwum; +fow youw manyagew *sighs* is *sighs* in wove; yea, he woveth. *blushes* Assist ^-^ me, some +extempowaw god of whyme, fow I *giggles shyly* am suwe I shaww tuwn sonnyet. +Devise, wit; wwite, *blushes* pen; fow OwO I *cuddles you* am fow whowe vowumes in fowio. +Exit + + + + +<w< USED +*looks away* COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY A-ANY +SEWVICE THAT OwO CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE II. +The pawk + +Entew *hugs tightly* the *notices bulge* PWINCESS OF FWANCE, with thwee attending ^w^ wadies, +WOSAWINyE, M-MAWIA, KATHAWINyE, BOYET, a-and two *shuffles closer* othew WOWDS + +BOYET. Nyow, m-madam, summon up youw *looks at you* deawest spiwits. +Considew who the King y-youw fathew sends, +To whom he sends, and what's his :33 embassy: +*shuffles closer* Youwsewf, hewd pwecious i-in the wowwd's esteem, +To pawwey UwU with ^w^ the sowe *sighs* inhewitow +Of aww p-pewfections that :33 a man *cuddles you* may owe, +M-Matchwess Nyavawwe; the ^w^ pwea of nyo wess weight +Than Aquitainye, a dowwy fow a queen. +Be n-nyow as pwodigaw xDD of aww deaw gwace +A-As Nyatuwe was i-in making g-gwaces deaw, +When ;;w;; she did stawve the genyewaw wowwd beside +And pwodigawwy gave them aww to you. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Good *leans over* Wowd Boyet, *looks at you* my beauty, though but mean, +N-Nyeeds n-nyot the *blushes* painted fwouwish of youw pwaise. +Beauty i-is bought by judgment of the eye, +N-Nyot utt'wed *shuffles closer* by base sawe of >_< chapmen's tongues; +I am wess pwoud to heaw you teww my w-wowth +Than you much UwU wiwwing to be counted wise +In spending youw wit *looks away* in the pwaise of *looks away* minye. +But *moans* nyow to task the taskew: good Boyet, +Y-You *moans* awe nyot ignyowant a-aww-tewwing f-fame +Doth nyoise abwoad Nyavawwe h-hath made a-a v-vow, +Tiww painfuw study :33 shaww outweaw *blushes* thwee yeaws, +Nyo >_> woman may a-appwoach his s-siwent couwt. +Thewefowe *teleports behind you* to's seemeth it a nyeedfuw c-couwse, +Befowe we entew his fowbidden gates, +To knyow his pweasuwe; and i-in that b-behawf, +Bowd of youw *giggles shyly* wowthinyess, we s-singwe you +*sighs* As ^w^ ouw best-moving faiw sowicitow. +Teww *moans* him the d-daughtew of the King of Fwance, +On s-sewious xDD businyess, cwaving ^.^ quick ^w^ dispatch, +Impowtunyes pewsonyaw confewence *teleports behind you* with *giggles shyly* his G-Gwace. +Haste, s-signyify so much; whiwe we attend, +W-Wike h-humbwe-visag'd suitows, his high wiww. +BOYET. Pwoud of empwoyment, *notices bulge* wiwwingwy I go. +P-PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Aww pwide is w-wiwwing >_< pwide, a-and youws i-is so. +>w< Exit BOYET +Who awe the v-votawies, my woving wowds, +T-That awe *teleports behind you* vow-fewwows with this viwtuous duke? +FIWST WOWD. Wowd Wongaviwwe i-is onye. +PWINCESS OF uWu FWANCE. Knyow you the man? +MAWIA. I knyow him, madam; at a mawwiage feast, +Between *shuffles closer* Wowd Pewigowt and t-the *cries* beauteous >_< heiw +O-Of Jaques Fawconbwidge, sowemnyized +*pokes you* In N-Nyowmandy, *teleports behind you* saw I this Wongaviwwe. +A man of s-soveweign pawts, peewwess esteem'd, +Weww fitted in awts, gwowious in awms; +Nyothing b-becomes him iww that he w-wouwd weww. +The o-onwy soiw of his *leans over* faiw viwtue's gwoss, +If viwtue's gwoss wiww stain with any soiw, +Is UwU a shawp wit match'd w-with too bwunt a wiww, +Whose edge hath powew to cut, whose wiww stiww wiwws +It shouwd *twerks* nyonye s-spawe that c-come w-within his powew. +PWINCESS OF *looks away* FWANCE. Some mewwy mocking wowd, bewike; *hugs tightly* is't so? +MAWIA. They say so most that most his humouws knyow. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Such showt-wiv'd wits do withew *moans* as they gwow. +Who a-awe the west? +>_< KATHAWINyE. The young Dumain, a weww-accompwish'd youth, +Of aww t-that v-viwtue wove :33 fow viwtue w-woved; +Most xDD powew t-to do most *sighs* hawm, weast knyowing iww, +Fow *giggles shyly* he h-hath wit to *twerks* make an iww shape good, +And s-shape to win *blushes* gwace though he had nyo wit. +I saw him at ^.^ the Duke Awencon's once; +And m-much too wittwe of that good I saw +Is my wepowt to his gweat w-wowthinyess. +WOSAWINyE. Anyothew of these students at that time +*pokes you* Was *sweats* thewe w-with him, if I h-have heawd a twuth. +:33 Bewownye they c-caww *sighs* him; but a mewwiew man, +uWu Within the w-wimit of b-becoming miwth, +I-I nyevew spent an houw's t-tawk withaw. +His eye begets occasion f-fow his *hugs tightly* wit, +Fow evewy object *blushes* that the o-onye doth catch +The othew tuwns to a *teleports behind you* miwth-moving jest, +Which his faiw tongue, conceit's e-expositow, +Dewivews in such apt and gwacious *sighs* wowds +That aged eaws pway twuant at his tawes, +And *sweats* youngew heawings awe quite wavished; +So sweet and vowubwe is his discouwse. +P-PWINCESS O-OF FWANCE. God bwess my wadies! Awe they aww in wove, +That evewy o-onye hew own hath gawnyished +*pokes you* With such *sweats* bedecking ownyaments of pwaise? +FIWST WOWD. Hewe *screams* comes Boyet. + +We-entew BOYET + +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Nyow, what admittance, wowd? +BOYET. Nyavawwe had nyotice *cuddles you* of youw faiw *teleports behind you* appwoach, +*cuddles you* And he and his competitows in >w< oath +Wewe aww addwess'd to meet you, gentwe wady, +Befowe I came. Mawwy, t-thus much I have weawnt: +^.^ He wathew means to wodge you in *cuddles you* the fiewd, +Wike onye that comes hewe to besiege his couwt, +Than s-seek a *looks away* dispensation fow h-his oath, +To wet you entew his unpeopwed *giggles shyly* house. +[The WADIES-IN-WAITING mask] + +*twerks* Entew KING, WONGAVIWWE, DUMAIN, BEWOWNyE, +:3 and A-ATTENDANTS + +Hewe *cries* comes Nyavawwe. +:3 KING. Faiw P-Pwincess, wewcome to the *looks at you* couwt *pokes you* of Nyavawwe. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *shuffles closer* 'Faiw' I give you back a-again; and 'wewcome' *blushes* I +have n-nyot yet. *notices bulge* The woof *cries* of this c-couwt is too high to be youws, and +wewcome to the wide *cuddles you* fiewds too base to be minye. +KING. You shaww be wewcome, *screams* madam, to my couwt. +PWINCESS *notices bulge* OF FWANCE. I wiww >w< be wewcome then; conduct me thithew. +KING. Heaw me, deaw wady: I have swown an oath- +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Ouw W-Wady hewp my wowd! He'ww be fowswown. +KING. Nyot fow the wowwd, faiw madam, by my w-wiww. +PWINCESS O-OF FWANCE. Why, wiww shaww bweak it; wiww, and nyothing +ewse. +KING. Youw wadyship is ignyowant what i-it is. +P-PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Wewe my ^w^ wowd s-so, his ignyowance wewe wise, +Whewe n-nyow his knyowwedge must pwove ignyowance. +I h-heaw youw Gwace hath swown out house-keeping. +'Tis deadwy sin to uWu keep that oath, m-my wowd, +And sin *pokes you* to bweak it. +But *twerks* pawdon :33 me, I UwU am too sudden *blushes* bowd; +To teach a teachew iww beseemeth *pokes you* me. +Vouchsafe to wead t-the puwpose of my coming, +And suddenwy wesowve me *teleports behind you* in x3 my suit. [Giving a p-papew] +KING. Madam, I wiww, if s-suddenwy I may. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. YOU Wiww t-the s-soonyew that I *screams* wewe away, +*hugs tightly* Fow you'ww p-pwove pewjuw'd if you make me stay. +BEWOWNyE. Did nyot I dance with you in Bwabant once? +KATHAWINyE. *looks at you* Did nyot I dance xDD with you in ^w^ Bwabant once? +BEWOWNyE. I knyow you did. +KATHAWINyE. H-How nyeedwess was it then to ask the question! +BEWOWNyE. You must nyot be so quick. +KATHAWINyE. 'Tis wong of you, that spuw me with such q-questions. +BEWOWNyE. Youw wit '-'s too hot, it ^w^ speeds t-too fast, 'twiww tiwe. +KATHAWINyE. Nyot tiww it w-weave the widew in t-the miwe. +BEWOWNyE. What time o' day? +KATHAWINyE. T-The houw that ^-^ foows shouwd >w< ask. +BEWOWNyE. Nyow faiw befaww y-youw mask! +KATHAWINyE. F-Faiw faww *cuddles you* the *teleports behind you* face it covews! +BEWOWNyE. And send you many wovews! +KATHAWINyE. Amen, so you >w< be nyonye. +BEWOWNyE. *cuddles you* Nyay, then wiww *notices bulge* I b-be gonye. +KING. Madam, youw fathew uWu hewe doth intimate +*notices bulge* The payment of a hundwed thousand cwowns; +Being b-but the onye hawf of an entiwe s-sum +D-Disbuwsed ^.^ by my fathew in his waws. +But say that he ow >w< we, as nyeithew have, +W-Weceiv'd that sum, yet thewe *twerks* wemains unpaid +A hundwed t-thousand mowe, in suwety of the which, +Onye pawt of Aquitainye is bound to *shuffles closer* us, +Awthough nyot vawued to ^.^ the monyey's *blushes* wowth. +I-If t-then the King youw fathew wiww westowe +But t-that onye hawf w-which is unsatisfied, +We wiww give up ouw wight in Aquitainye, +*hugs tightly* And h-howd faiw fwiendship w-with his ^-^ Majesty. +But t-that, *looks away* it seems, he wittwe puwposeth, +F-Fow hewe *shuffles closer* he ;;w;; doth demand t-to have w-wepaid +A hundwed thousand c-cwowns; >w< and n-nyot demands, +*pokes you* On payment of a hundwed thousand cwowns, +To have his titwe wive in A-Aquitainye; +Which we ^.^ much wathew had depawt withaw, +And h-have the monyey by ouw fathew went, +Than Aquitainye s-so gewded as it is. +D-Deaw Pwincess, wewe n-nyot his w-wequests s-so faw +Fwom weason's yiewding, youw *hugs tightly* faiw sewf shouwd make +A yiewding 'gainst some xDD weason in my bweast, +And go weww s-satisfied to x3 Fwance again. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. You do t-the ^w^ King my fathew too much w-wwong, +And wwong the weputation of youw nyame, +In so unseeming to confess weceipt +Of that which hath so faithfuwwy been paid. +K-KING. I do pwotest I nyevew heawd *cries* of it; +^.^ And, if you pwove i-it, I'ww *moans* wepay it back +Ow *moans* yiewd up Aquitainye. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. We a-awwest youw *leans over* wowd. +Boyet, you can pwoduce x3 acquittances +F-Fow such a sum fwom speciaw o-officews +Of Chawwes his fathew. +KING. Satisfy me so. +OwO BOYET. xDD So pwease youw Gwace, the packet ^-^ is nyot come, +Whewe that and *giggles shyly* othew speciawties awe *hugs tightly* bound; +To-mowwow you shaww have *teleports behind you* a sight of them. +KING. It shaww s-suffice me; at which intewview +Aww wibewaw ^.^ weason I wiww yiewd u-unto. +M-Meantime weceive such w-wewcome at my hand +As honyouw, without bweach of honyouw, may +Make tendew of to thy twue ;;w;; wowthinyess. +Y-You m-may nyot come, faiw Pwincess, within my gates; +But *cuddles you* hewe without you shaww *notices bulge* be so weceiv'd +As ^-^ you shaww deem youwsewf w-wodg'd in my heawt, +Though so denyied *leans over* faiw *twerks* hawbouw in my house. +Youw own good *sweats* thoughts excuse me, and faweweww. +To-mowwow shaww w-we visit you UwU again. +PWINCESS O-OF *pokes you* FWANCE. Sweet :3 heawth and faiw desiwes consowt xDD youw +Gwace! +KING. Thy :33 own *twerks* wish wish I thee in evewy pwace. +Exit with attendants +BEWOWNyE. Wady, I wiww commend you to *looks away* minye own heawt. +>_< WOSAWINyE. Pway *pokes you* you, *looks away* do my commendations; +I wouwd be gwad t-to see it. +BEWOWNyE. I wouwd you heawd it gwoan. +WOSAWINyE. :3 Is the foow xDD sick? +BEWOWNyE. Sick at the heawt. +WOSAWINyE. Awack, wet it bwood. +BEWOWNyE. Wouwd that do it *cuddles you* good? +>_< WOSAWINyE. My physic says 'ay.' +BEWOWNyE. Wiww YOU pwick't w-with youw *pokes you* eye? +WOSAWINyE. N-Nyo point, with *sighs* my ^-^ knyife. +B-BEWOWNyE. Nyow, G-God save thy wife! +WOSAWINyE. And y-youws f-fwom w-wong wiving! +BEWOWNyE. I cannyot stay thanksgiving. [Wetiwing] +DUMAIN. *twerks* Siw, I ;;w;; pway you, a w-wowd: what w-wady i-is that same? +B-BOYET. The heiw of Awencon, Kathawinye hew nyame. +DUMAIN. A g-gawwant wady! Monsieuw, fawe you weww. Exit +WONGAVIWWE. I *teleports behind you* beseech you a w-wowd: what >_< is she i-in the white? +BOYET. A w-woman sometimes, an you saw *leans over* hew in the wight. +WONGAVIWWE. P-Pewchance wight i-in the wight. I desiwe hew nyame. +BOYET. She h-hath but onye fow hewsewf; t-to desiwe that w-wewe a shame. +WONGAVIWWE. >_> Pway you, siw, whose *looks away* daughtew? +BOYET. ^w^ Hew mothew's, I-I h-have heawd. +WONGAVIWWE. God's bwessing on youw beawd! +BOYET. Good siw, be nyot o-offended; +She is an heiw of Fawconbwidge. +WONGAVIWWE. Nyay, my c-chowew is ended. +She is a most *cuddles you* sweet wady. +BOYET. Nyot unwike, siw; OwO that may *shuffles closer* be. Exit WONGAVIWWE +BEWOWNyE. *sighs* What's hew nyame in the cap? +BOYET. *sighs* Wosawinye, by good *giggles shyly* hap. +B-BEWOWNyE. I-Is she wedded ow >_< nyo? +BOYET. *cuddles you* To h-hew wiww, siw, ow x3 so. +BEWOWNyE. You awe wewcome, s-siw; adieu! +BOYET. Faweweww to me, siw, and wewcome to you. +Exit BEWOWNyE. WADIES Unmask +MAWIA. T-That wast i-is Bewownye, t-the m-mewwy mad-cap wowd; +Nyot a wowd x3 with h-him but a jest. +BOYET. A-And evewy j-jest b-but a wowd. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. It was w-weww donye of you to take him at his +wowd. +BOYET. I was as wiwwing to *cuddles you* gwappwe as *giggles shyly* he *sweats* was to boawd. +KATHAWINyE. Two hot sheeps, mawwy! +BOYET. And whewefowe nyot ships? +Nyo ;;w;; sheep, sweet >_< wamb, unwess we feed *notices bulge* on y-youw wips. +KATHAWINyE. You sheep and I pastuwe- shaww that f-finyish the jest? +*sighs* BOYET. S-So you gwant *hugs tightly* pastuwe fow m-me. [-[Offewing to kiss hew] +KATHAWINyE. Nyot so, gentwe *screams* beast; +My wips a-awe nyo common, though sevewaw they be. +BOYET. Bewonging to whom? +KATHAWINyE. To my fowtunyes and me. +PWINCESS OF F-FWANCE. Good wits wiww be *moans* jangwing; *twerks* but, g-gentwes, +agwee; +This civiw *hugs tightly* waw of *screams* wits wewe much bettew used +O-On Nyavawwe and his *notices bulge* book-men, fow hewe 'tis abused. +BOYET. If my obsewvation, which vewy *giggles shyly* sewdom *pokes you* wies, +By the heawt's s-stiww whetowic *blushes* discwosed w-with *teleports behind you* eyes, +Deceive me n-nyot nyow, Nyavawwe is infected. +PWINCESS OF F-FWANCE. With what? +BOYET. With that ^.^ which we wovews entitwe 'affected.' +PWINCESS OF F-FWANCE. Youw weason? +BOYET. Why, *sweats* aww his behaviouws did make :3 theiw wetiwe +To the couwt of h-his eye, peeping thowough desiwe. +His heawt, *looks at you* wike an *looks at you* agate, w-with youw pwint i-impwessed, +Pwoud with h-his fowm, in OwO his >w< eye pwide UwU expwessed; +His tongue, aww impatient t-to speak and nyot see, +Did s-stumbwe *blushes* with haste in his eyesight *blushes* to be; +Aww senses to t-that sense did make theiw wepaiw, +To feew onwy wooking on f-faiwest *teleports behind you* of faiw. +Methought aww his senses wewe wock'd in his eye, +As jewews *sweats* in cwystaw fow some pwince to buy; +Who, tend'wing theiw own wowth fwom whewe they wewe gwass'd, +*cuddles you* Did point y-you to buy them, awong as y-you *screams* pass'd. +His face's own m-mawgent did quote s-such amazes +That aww eyes saw his eyes *hugs tightly* enchanted with gazes. +I-I'ww g-give xDD you A-Aquitainye a-and aww uWu that i-is his, +A-An you give him *sighs* fow my sake but onye woving kiss. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Come, to ouw *pokes you* paviwion. B-Boyet is d-dispos'd. +B-BOYET. But to speak that in wowds which his eye h-hath discwos'd; +I-I onwy have made a mouth of his eye, +By adding a tongue which I knyow x3 wiww nyot wie. +M-MAWIA. Thou awt an owd wove-mongew, and speakest skiwfuwwy. +KATHAWINyE. He is Cupid's g-gwandfathew, and weawns nyews of him. +W-WOSAWINyE. Then was Venyus wike hew mothew; fow hew *teleports behind you* fathew is but +gwim. +BOYET. x3 Do you heaw, my mad wenches? +OwO MAWIA. Nyo. +BOYET. What, *giggles shyly* then; do y-you x3 see? +MAWIA. *looks at you* Ay, ouw way to x3 be gonye. +x3 BOYET. You *teleports behind you* awe too hawd *cuddles you* fow me. *hugs tightly* Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I. +The pawk + +Entew AWMADO and MOTH + +AWMADO. Wawbwe, *leans over* chiwd; make passionyate *giggles shyly* my sense o-of heawing. +[MOTH sings Concowinyew] +AWMADO. Sweet aiw! Go, tendewnyess of yeaws, take this key, give +enwawgement to the s-swain, bwing him festinyatewy *moans* hithew; I must +empwoy *leans over* him i-in a wettew to my wove. +MOTH. Mastew, wiww you ^w^ win youw wove w-with ^-^ a Fwench bwaww? +A-AWMADO. *twerks* How *hugs tightly* meanyest *leans over* thou? Bwawwing in Fwench? +MOTH. *cuddles you* Nyo, my compwete mastew; *screams* but to jig off >_< a *sweats* tunye at the tongue's +end, canyawy to it with youw feet, humouw *twerks* it w-with tuwnying up youw +e-eyewids, sigh a nyote and s-sing a-a n-nyote, sometime thwough the +*leans over* thwoat, as if you swawwowed *sweats* wove with singing wove, sometime +thwough the nyose, as if you s-snyuff'd up wove x3 by smewwing wove, +with youw h-hat penthouse-wike o'ew the shop of youw eyes, with +youw *shuffles closer* awms cwoss'd on youw thin-bewwy doubwet, wike a wabbit on a +*screams* spit, o-ow y-youw hands in youw ^-^ pocket, wike a man aftew the o-owd +painting; and keep nyot t-too wong in >w< onye tunye, but *twerks* a snyip and away. +OwO These *teleports behind you* awe compwements, OwO these awe *cuddles you* humouws; these betway nyice +wenches, *notices bulge* that w-wouwd be b-betwayed ^.^ without these; and x3 make them men +*screams* of nyote- do you nyote m-me?- t-that most awe a-affected to t-these. +AWMADO. H-How hast thou puwchased OwO this e-expewience? +*looks at you* MOTH. By my p-penny of obsewvation. +*screams* AWMADO. But O- but O- +MOTH. The hobby-howse i-is fowgot. +AWMADO. Caww'st thou my w-wove 'hobby-howse'? +MOTH. Nyo, mastew; the hobby-howse i-is but a cowt, *shuffles closer* and youw *screams* wove +pewhaps a hacknyey. B-But >_< have you f-fowgot youw wove? +AWMADO. Awmost I had. +MOTH. Nyegwigent student! weawn hew by heawt. +AWMADO. By h-heawt a-and *sweats* in heawt, boy. +MOTH. And out of heawt, mastew; aww those thwee I wiww pwove. +AWMADO. What wiwt thou pwove? +*hugs tightly* MOTH. A man, if I *notices bulge* wive; and this, by, in, and without, upon the +instant. By heawt y-you wove h-hew, :3 because youw heawt cannyot c-come b-by +hew; i-in heawt you wove hew, because youw heawt is in *pokes you* wove with +h-hew; and out of heawt you w-wove hew, being out of heawt that you +cannyot enjoy hew. +A-AWMADO. I a-am aww t-these thwee. +MOTH. And thwee times as *looks away* much mowe, and yet nyothing at *blushes* aww. +AWMADO. Fetch hithew the swain; he must cawwy me ;;w;; a wettew. +M-MOTH. A :3 message w-weww *moans* sympathiz'd- a howse to be ambassadow f-fow an +ass. +AWMADO. Ha, ha, xDD what sayest t-thou? +MOTH. Mawwy, s-siw, you must send the a-ass upon the howse, fow he i-is +vewy s-swow-gaited. But >w< I go. +AWMADO. The way ^-^ is but showt; away. +MOTH. *sighs* As swift as *moans* wead, siw. +AWMADO. The meanying, pwetty ingenyious? +Is nyot wead a metaw *blushes* heavy, duww, and swow? +MOTH. Minyime, honyest mastew; ow w-wathew, mastew, nyo. +AWMADO. I *blushes* say wead is swow. +M-MOTH. You *blushes* awe *looks at you* too swift, siw, to say s-so: +Is that wead swow which is fiw'd f-fwom a gun? +AWMADO. Sweet smoke of whetowic! +He weputes me a-a *twerks* cannyon; and the buwwet, that's *moans* he; +I shoot thee ;;w;; at t-the *screams* swain. +MOTH. UwU Thump, then, and I fwee. Exit +AWMADO. A most acute juvenyaw; vowabwe and f-fwee of gwace! +By t-thy favouw, sweet wewkin, I must sigh i-in thy face; +Most wude *notices bulge* mewanchowy, vawouw gives thee pwace. +My *cries* hewawd is wetuwn'd. + +We-entew MOTH with C-COSTAWD + +MOTH. *sweats* A *leans over* wondew, mastew! hewe's a costawd bwoken in a shin. +AWMADO. *blushes* Some *pokes you* enyigma, some widdwe; come, *looks at you* thy w'envoy; begin. +COSTAWD. *teleports behind you* Nyo egma, nyo widdwe, nyo w'envoy; nyo s-sawve in the maiw, siw. +O, OwO siw, pwantain, a pwain pwantain; nyo w'envoy, nyo w'envoy; nyo +sawve, siw, but a pwantain! +*twerks* AWMADO. By v-viwtue thou enfowcest *leans over* waughtew; thy siwwy thought, my +spween; *notices bulge* the heaving of my wungs pwovokes OwO me to >_> widicuwous +smiwing. O-O, pawdon me, my staws! D-Doth the inconsidewate take +sawve ^.^ fow ^.^ w'envoy, and the wowd 'w'envoy' fow a sawve? +MOTH. xDD Do the w-wise *sweats* think them othew? Is nyot w'envoy a-a sawve? +AWMADO. Nyo, page; it is an epiwogue ow discouwse to make ;;w;; pwain +Some obscuwe pwecedence t-that hath tofowe been sain. +I wiww exampwe it: +The fox, the ape, OwO and :3 the *screams* humbwe-bee, +Wewe s-stiww at odds, being but thwee. +Thewe's the mowaw. Nyow the w'envoy. +M-MOTH. I :33 wiww *notices bulge* add the w'envoy. Say the mowaw ^w^ again. +AWMADO. The fox, :3 the ape, a-and the *pokes you* humbwe-bee, +Wewe stiww at *blushes* odds, being but thwee. +MOTH. Untiw *leans over* the goose came out o-of *sweats* doow, +And stay'd the odds by *shuffles closer* adding fouw. +Nyow wiww I begin youw *looks at you* mowaw, and ^.^ do you fowwow >w< with my w'envoy. +The fox, the ape, and the humbwe-bee, +W-Wewe stiww at odds, being but t-thwee. +AWMADO. Untiw the *hugs tightly* goose c-came out of *leans over* doow, +Staying the odds by adding fouw. +MOTH. A good w'envoy, uWu ending i-in t-the goose; ^-^ wouwd you desiwe m-mowe? +COSTAWD. The b-boy hath sowd him a bawgain, a goose, that's fwat. +Siw, youw pennywowth is UwU good, an youw goose be f-fat. +To seww a bawgain *shuffles closer* weww is a-as c-cunnying as fast and woose; +Wet me see: a fat w'envoy; ay, that's a fat g-goose. +A-AWMADO. Come hithew, *giggles shyly* come hithew. How did *blushes* this *sighs* awgument begin? +MOTH. By saying t-that a c-costawd was bwoken in a shin. +*pokes you* Then caww'd you fow the w'envoy. +COSTAWD. Twue, and I fow a pwantain. *sweats* Thus came youw awgument in; +Then the boy's fat w'envoy, t-the goose that you bought; +A-And he ended the mawket. +AWMADO. But teww me: how was thewe a costawd bwoken in a shin? +M-MOTH. I wiww teww y-you sensibwy. +C-COSTAWD. Thou hast nyo feewing of it, Moth; I wiww speak that +w-w'envoy. +I, Costawd, wunnying out, that was safewy within, +Feww ovew >_< the thweshowd and bwoke my shin. +AWMADO. UwU We *notices bulge* wiww tawk nyo mowe of this >_< mattew. +COSTAWD. Tiww thewe be mowe mattew in the shin. +AWMADO. *cries* Siwwah Costawd. I wiww enfwanchise thee. +*notices bulge* COSTAWD. O, Mawwy *shuffles closer* me to onye Fwances! I smeww some w'envoy, some +goose, in this. +AWMADO. By my sweet souw, I m-mean setting thee at wibewty, +enfweedoming >_> thy pewson; thou wewt immuwed, westwainyed, +captivated, bound. +COSTAWD. Twue, twue; a-and n-nyow you wiww be my puwgation, and wet me +woose. +AWMADO. ^-^ I give thee thy wibewty, set thee fwom duwance; and, in +wieu *looks away* theweof, impose on *cries* thee nyothing but this: beaw this +signyificant [giving a ^-^ wettew] to the countwy maid Jaquenyetta; +thewe is wemunyewation, fow the best wawd of m-minye honyouw *sighs* is +wewawding my *cries* dependents. M-Moth, fowwow. Exit +MOTH. Wike the sequew, I. Signyiow Costawd, adieu. +C-COSTAWD. *moans* My xDD sweet ounce of man's fwesh, my incony Jew! +Exit MOTH +Nyow *cries* wiww *twerks* I *teleports behind you* wook t-to his wemunyewation. Wemunyewation! O, that's the +Watin wowd fow thwee fawthings. Thwee f-fawthings- wemunyewation. +'What's *sweats* the :33 pwice of >_< this inkwe?'- 'Onye penny.'- 'Nyo, I'ww :3 give +you a wemunyewation.' Why, it UwU cawwies it. Wemunyewation! Why, i-it i-is +a faiwew nyame than Fwench *cries* cwown. *giggles shyly* I wiww nyevew >_> buy and *cuddles you* seww UwU out of +this wowd. + +Entew B-BEWOWNyE + +BEWOWNyE. My good knyave Costawd, exceedingwy weww met! +COSTAWD. P-Pway y-you, siw, how much *hugs tightly* cawnyation wibbon may a man buy fow +a *cuddles you* wemunyewation? +BEWOWNyE. What is a wemunyewation? +>_> COSTAWD. Mawwy, siw, hawfpenny fawthing. +BEWOWNyE. Why, then, thwee-fawthing wowth o-of siwk. +C-COSTAWD. I thank youw wowship. God *notices bulge* be wi' you! +BEWOWNyE. Stay, swave; I must *teleports behind you* empwoy thee. +As thou wiwt ^-^ win my f-favouw, good my knyave, +Do onye thing fow me that I s-shaww entweat. +OwO COSTAWD. When wouwd you h-have it donye, siw? +B-BEWOWNyE. This aftewnyoon. +^.^ COSTAWD. Weww, I wiww do it, siw; *sighs* fawe you weww. +BEWOWNyE. uWu Thou knyowest nyot w-what it is. +COSTAWD. I shaww *looks away* knyow, siw, when I have donye it. +*looks at you* BEWOWNyE. Why, viwwain, thou must knyow fiwst. +COSTAWD. I wiww come t-to youw wowship t-to-mowwow mownying. +BEWOWNyE. It must be donye this aftewnyoon. +>_< Hawk, swave, it is but this: +T-The P-Pwincess comes to hunt hewe in the pawk, +And in hew twain t-thewe is a gentwe wady; +When tongues speak sweetwy, then they nyame hew n-nyame, +And Wosawinye they caww hew. Ask x3 fow hew, +And to hew w-white hand see thou do commend +This ;;w;; seaw'd-up xDD counsew. Thewe's thy guewdon; go. +[Giving him >w< a shiwwing] +*hugs tightly* COSTAWD. Gawdon, O sweet gawdon! bettew than wemunyewation; *cries* a +'weven-pence fawthing bettew; most sweet *looks at you* gawdon! I wiww do i-it, +*sighs* siw, in pwint. Gawdon- wemunyewation! Exit +BEWOWNyE. And I, fowsooth, in wove; I, that have b-been wove's whip; +A v-vewy beadwe t-to a humowous s-sigh; +*looks at you* A cwitic, nyay, a nyight-watch constabwe; +A dominyeewing pedant ^.^ o'ew the boy, +Than *looks at you* whom nyo mowtaw so *moans* magnyificent! +This w-wimpwed, whinying, puwbwind, w-waywawd boy, +This senyiow-junyiow, giant-dwawf, Dan Cupid; +Wegent of >_< wove-whymes, wowd of fowded awms, +Th' anyointed s-soveweign of sighs a-and >_> gwoans, +*leans over* Wiege xDD of aww woitewews and *pokes you* mawcontents, +Dwead p-pwince of pwackets, king of codpieces, +Sowe ^w^ impewatow, and gweat genyewaw +O-Of twotting pawitows. O my wittwe heawt! +And I-I to be a cowpowaw of his fiewd, +And weaw his cowouws wike a tumbwew's h-hoop! +What! *hugs tightly* I *notices bulge* wove, I sue, I-I seek *screams* a ;;w;; wife- +A woman, that i-is wike a-a Gewman c-cwock, +Stiww a-wepaiwing, e-evew out *screams* of fwame, +And nyevew going :33 awight, b-being a w-watch, +But uWu being watch'd that it m-may s-stiww go w-wight! +Nyay, to be pewjuw'd, w-which i-is wowst o-of aww; +A-And, a-among thwee, to wove the wowst of aww, +A *sweats* whitewy wanton with a vewvet bwow, +With :3 two pitch bawws >w< stuck in hew face f-fow eyes; +A-Ay, and, by heaven, o-onye that wiww do the *notices bulge* deed, +Though Awgus wewe hew eunyuch and hew g-guawd. +And *sighs* I to sigh fow hew! to watch fow hew! +T-To pway fow hew! Go to; it is a pwague +That Cupid wiww :33 impose fow *shuffles closer* my nyegwect +>_> Of his awmighty dweadfuw wittwe might. +Weww, I w-wiww wove, wwite, *hugs tightly* sigh, pway, sue, and gwoan: +Some ^w^ men *giggles shyly* must wove my *hugs tightly* wady, and some Joan. Exit + + + + +<-<w< OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH P-PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE ^-^ COPIES *shuffles closer* MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED *cuddles you* SO >_< WONG AS SUCH *shuffles closer* COPIES *moans* (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +uWu PEWSONyAW *notices bulge* USE ONWY, ;;w;; AND *cuddles you* (2) AWE *hugs tightly* NyOT D-DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED *twerks* COMMEWCIAW *hugs tightly* DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES UwU BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME O-OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +*cries* ACT IV. SCENyE I. +The pawk + +Entew *blushes* the *looks at you* PWINCESS, WOSAWINyE, M-MAWIA, KATHAWINyE, B-BOYET, WOWDS, ATTENDANTS, +and a FOWESTEW + +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Was that >_< the K-King *moans* that spuww'd his howse so +hawd +Against the s-steep *leans over* upwising of t-the hiww? +*screams* BOYET. I knyow nyot; but I think *cuddles you* it was OwO nyot he. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. W-Whoe'ew ^.^ 'a was, '-'a show'd a mounting mind. +W-Weww, wowds, *teleports behind you* to-day we shaww have ouw *notices bulge* dispatch; +On Satuwday we wiww wetuwn to Fwance. +T-Then, fowestew, *shuffles closer* my f-fwiend, whewe is the bush +That *screams* we must stand and pway the *screams* muwdewew in? +FOWESTEW. Heweby, upon the e-edge of yondew *screams* coppice; +A stand whewe y-you may make the faiwest OwO shoot. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. I *leans over* thank my beauty *screams* I am faiw that shoot, +A-And OwO theweupon thou speak'st the faiwest xDD shoot. +FOWESTEW. P-Pawdon m-me, madam, fow I meant nyot so. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. What, what? Fiwst pwaise m-me, and *shuffles closer* again *leans over* say n-nyo? +O showt-wiv'd pwide! N-Nyot faiw? Awack *sweats* fow woe! +FOWESTEW. Yes, madam, *cries* faiw. +P-PWINCESS O-OF F-FWANCE. Nyay, nyevew p-paint *looks away* me nyow; +Whewe faiw is nyot, *blushes* pwaise cannyot mend the bwow. +Hewe, good my *teleports behind you* gwass, take this fow tewwing twue: +[ G-Giving h-him m-monyey] +Faiw payment fow fouw wowds is *pokes you* mowe than due. +F-FOWESTEW. *twerks* Nyothing but faiw is that *teleports behind you* which >w< you inhewit. +P-PWINCESS OF FWANCE. See, s-see, my beauty wiww be *pokes you* sav'd by mewit. +O hewesy in faiw, fit fow these days! +A giving *screams* hand, though fouw, shaww have faiw pwaise. +But come, the ^-^ bow. N-Nyow m-mewcy goes to kiww, +A-And :33 shooting weww is then accounted *shuffles closer* iww; +uWu Thus wiww I save my cwedit in the shoot: +Nyot wounding, pity wouwd nyot wet me d-do't; +If wounding, then i-it was to show my skiww, +That mowe f-fow pwaise than p-puwpose meant to kiww. +And, out of question, so it is sometimes: +Gwowy gwows guiwty of detested cwimes, +When, fow fame's sake, fow pwaise, an outwawd pawt, +We b-bend to t-that ^-^ the wowking >w< of UwU the heawt; +As *screams* I fow pwaise awonye nyow x3 seek to spiww +:3 The poow deew's *shuffles closer* bwood that my heawt means nyo iww. +BOYET. Do nyot cuwst wives howd that sewf-soveweignty +Onwy f-fow pwaise s-sake, w-when they stwive to *cuddles you* be +Wowds o-o'ew theiw wowds? +PWINCESS OF F-FWANCE. Onwy fow ;;w;; pwaise; a-and pwaise we may affowd +To any wady that subdues *moans* a w-wowd. + +Entew C-COSTAWD + +BOYET. *leans over* Hewe comes a membew of >w< the commonweawth. +uWu COSTAWD. God dig-you-den aww! Pway you, :3 which is the head wady? +PWINCESS *sighs* OF FWANCE. Thou shawt k-knyow hew, fewwow, by the *blushes* west that +*sighs* have nyo heads. +COSTAWD. Which UwU is the gweatest wady, the highest? +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. The thickest and t-the *hugs tightly* tawwest. +COSTAWD. The thickest UwU and *blushes* the tawwest! It is so; twuth *sighs* is twuth. +An youw *notices bulge* waist, mistwess, w-wewe as swendew as my wit, +Onye o' these maids' giwdwes fow youw waist shouwd be OwO fit. +Awe nyot you the chief woman? You awe ^-^ the thickest hewe. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *screams* What's youw wiww, siw? W-What's youw wiww? +COSTAWD. I have a wettew *moans* fwom Monsieuw Bewownye to o-onye +W-Wady x3 Wosawinye. +P-PWINCESS OF FWANCE. O, thy wettew, thy wettew! He's a *notices bulge* good fwiend +of minye. +Stand aside, g-good beawew. Boyet, y-you ^-^ can c-cawve. +Bweak up this capon. +B-BOYET. I am bound to sewve. +T-This wettew *sighs* is mistook; it *twerks* impowteth nyonye hewe. +It is wwit to Jaquenyetta. +*pokes you* PWINCESS OF FWANCE. ;;w;; We wiww wead *notices bulge* it, I sweaw. +B-Bweak the *looks at you* nyeck o-of the wax, a-and e-evewy UwU onye give eaw. +BOYET. [Weads] 'By *sweats* heaven, *looks away* that *giggles shyly* thou a-awt faiw is most infawwibwe; +t-twue that thou awt beauteous; twuth itsewf that thou awt wovewy. +Mowe f-faiwew than faiw, *pokes you* beautifuw than beauteous, t-twuew than twuth +itsewf, have commisewation on thy hewoicaw ^w^ vassaw. The +magnyanyimous and most iwwustwate king Cophetua set eye >w< upon the +pewnyicious and indubitate beggaw Zenyewophon; and *teleports behind you* he it was *leans over* that +might wightwy say, OwO 'Venyi, v-vidi, vici'; UwU which to annyothanyize in +the vuwgaw,- O b-base and :33 obscuwe vuwgaw!- videwicet, He c-came, saw, +a-and o-ovewcame. He came, onye; saw, two; ovewcame, thwee. Who came?- +the ^.^ king. Why did he c-come?- to *shuffles closer* see. *sweats* Why did he see?-to ovewcome. +^.^ To whom came he?- to the beggaw. What *looks away* saw h-he?- the b-beggaw. Who +ovewcame he?- the b-beggaw. The c-concwusion is victowy; on whose +side?- the king's. The captive is enwich'd; on OwO whose side?- ^-^ the +beggaw's. The catastwophe is a nyuptiaw; on *hugs tightly* whose side?- the +k-king's. Nyo, on both in onye, ow o-onye in both. *twerks* I am the king, fow so +stands the compawison; thou the beggaw, fow so witnyesseth *twerks* thy +wowwinyess. Shaww I command t-thy wove? I may. Shaww I enfowce thy +>_< wove? I *hugs tightly* couwd. *hugs tightly* Shaww I entweat thy wove? I wiww. *leans over* What s-shawt thou +exchange fow wags?- wobes, fow tittwes?- titwes, fow thysewf? +-me. Thus expecting thy wepwy, I pwofanye my wips on thy foot, my +eyes o-on t-thy pictuwe, and my heawt on thy evewy pawt. +Thinye uWu in the deawest design of industwy, +DON ADWIANyO DE AWMADO. + +'Thus dost *giggles shyly* thou heaw t-the Nyemean w-wion woaw +'Gainst thee, thou wamb, that standest as h-his pwey; +Submissive faww his pwincewy feet befowe, +And he f-fwom fowage >_< wiww :33 incwinye to pway. +But if :33 thou stwive, poow souw, what a-awe thou >_> then? +Food fow his wage, wepastuwe *pokes you* fow his den.' +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. W-What pwume of feathews is he >_> that indited this +wettew? +What vanye? What weathewcock? Did you :3 evew heaw bettew? +BOYET. I am much deceived b-but I wemembew the s-stywe. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Ewse youw memowy is *moans* bad, going o'ew it +ewewhiwe. +;;w;; BOYET. This Awmado is a S-Spanyiawd, that *notices bulge* keeps hewe in couwt; +A phantasime, a Monyawcho, and xDD onye that makes *looks away* spowt +To the Pwince a-and his book-mates. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Thou fewwow, a wowd. +*giggles shyly* Who gave t-thee ^w^ this wettew? +COSTAWD. I towd you: *screams* my wowd. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. To w-whom shouwdst thou give it? +COSTAWD. Fwom OwO my wowd to my wady. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *cuddles you* Fwom which wowd to which wady? +COSTAWD. Fwom my Wowd Bewownye, a good mastew o-of minye, +To a wady o-of Fwance *pokes you* that he c-caww'd *leans over* Wosawinye. +*giggles shyly* PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Thou h-hast mistaken his wettew. Come, *blushes* wowds, +away. +[To WOSAWINyE] Hewe, sweet, put up this; 'twiww be thinye anyothew +xDD day. *leans over* Exeunt PWINCESS and TWAIN +^-^ BOYET. Who is the ^-^ shootew? who is the shootew? +W-WOSAWINyE. Shaww I teach y-you to knyow? +BOYET. Ay, ^.^ my continyent of b-beauty. +WOSAWINyE. Why, she that ;;w;; beaws the bow. +Finyewy put off! +BOYET. My wady goes *looks away* to kiww h-howns; but, if thou mawwy, +Hang *giggles shyly* me b-by >w< the nyeck, if howns that y-yeaw miscawwy. +Finyewy put *looks away* on! +WOSAWINyE. Weww then, I am the shootew. +BOYET. *teleports behind you* And *shuffles closer* who is youw deew? +WOSAWINyE. I-If *pokes you* we choose by t-the *cries* howns, youwsewf come nyot nyeaw. +Finyewy put ^-^ on indeed! +MAWIA. You Stiww wwangwe with hew, Boyet, ;;w;; and she stwikes *leans over* at the +bwow. +*blushes* BOYET. But she hewsewf is hit w-wowew. H-Have I-I hit *shuffles closer* hew nyow? +WOSAWINyE. Shaww I come upon thee with ^w^ an owd saying, that was *pokes you* a man +w-when King Pepin of Fwance was a w-wittwe boy, as touching the hit +x3 it? +BOYET. S-So I may a-answew *notices bulge* thee with onye as owd, *blushes* that *leans over* was a w-woman when +Queen Guinyevew of Bwitain *giggles shyly* was a wittwe wench, as touching t-the h-hit +it. +WOSAWINyE. [Singing] +Thou canst *shuffles closer* nyot hit it, hit *cries* it, hit it, +Thou canst *sweats* nyot hit *pokes you* it, my *blushes* good man. +BOYET. An I c-cannyot, cannyot, cannyot, +xDD An I cannyot, anyothew can. +Exeunt WOSAWINyE and KATHAWINyE +*blushes* COSTAWD. By m-my twoth, most pweasant! How both did fit it! +MAWIA. A mawk mawvewwous weww s-shot; fow they both did hit it. +BOYET. A-A mawk! O, mawk but that mawk! A mawk, says my wady! +Wet the mawk have a pwick in't, *pokes you* to mete at, i-if it may be. +MAWIA. Wide o' the bow-hand! I-I' faith, y-youw hand ;;w;; is out. +COSTAWD. *notices bulge* Indeed, *shuffles closer* 'a must shoot nyeawew, o-ow he'ww *blushes* nye'ew hit the +cwout. +B-BOYET. An if xDD my hand be out, *blushes* then b-bewike y-youw hand is >w< in. +COSTAWD. Then wiww she g-get the upshoot b-by cweaving the pin. +MAWIA. ^w^ Come, come, you t-tawk gweasiwy; *hugs tightly* youw wips gwow f-fouw. +COSTAWD. She's too hawd f-fow y-you at pwicks, siw; c-chawwenge h-hew *moans* to +boww. +B-BOYET. xDD I feaw too much wubbing; ;;w;; good-nyight, my good oww. +Exeunt BOYET and MAWIA +COSTAWD. By my souw, a *hugs tightly* swain, a-a most simpwe c-cwown! +Wowd, Wowd! h-how the wadies uWu and I have put him down! +O' my twoth, most sweet >_> jests, m-most incony v-vuwgaw wit! +When it comes so *looks away* smoothwy off, so obscenyewy, as it *leans over* wewe, so *teleports behind you* fit. +Awmado a th' t'onye side- *screams* O, *blushes* a *giggles shyly* most dainty m-man! +To UwU see him wawk befowe a wady and to beaw hew fan! +T-To see him kiss *sighs* his hand, and how m-most uWu sweetwy 'a w-wiww sweaw! +A-And his page a t' othew side, that handfuw of wit! +Ah, heavens, it *cuddles you* is a-a m-most p-patheticaw n-nyit! +Sowa, sowa! Exit COSTAWD + + + + +SCENyE II. +The pawk + +Fwom x3 the :33 shooting within, entew HOWOFEWNyES, SIW NyATHANyIEW, and DUWW + +N-NyATHANyIEW. Vewy wevewent spowt, twuwy; and d-donye in the testimony *teleports behind you* of +a g-good c-conscience. +HOWOFEWNyES. The deew was, *sweats* as you k-knyow, s-sanguis, in bwood; wipe as +the pomewatew, who nyow hangeth wike a jewew in the eaw of caewo, +t-the sky, the *notices bulge* wewkin, the heaven; and anyon fawweth w-wike a cwab o-on +the face of tewwa, the soiw, the wand, the eawth. +NyATHANyIEW. Twuwy, Mastew Howofewnyes, the epithets awe *sighs* sweetwy +vawied, wike a schowaw at the weast; but, siw, I assuwe ye it was +a b-buck of the fiwst h-head. +HOWOFEWNyES. Siw x3 Nyathanyiew, haud cwedo. +DUWW. 'Twas nyot a haud cwedo; 'twas a pwicket. +H-HOWOFEWNyES. Most bawbawous intimation! yet a kind o-of insinyuation, +as it wewe, in via, in *notices bulge* way, of *blushes* expwication; facewe, as i-it w-wewe, +wepwication, ow wathew, ostentawe, to show, as it wewe, his +incwinyation, aftew *twerks* his undwessed, unpowished, u-unyeducated, +unpwunyed, untwainyed, ow *notices bulge* wathew unwettewed, ow wathewest +unconfiwmed fashion, to insewt ;;w;; again m-my haud cwedo fow a deew. +DUWW. I Said the deew was nyot a haud cwedo; 'twas a pwicket. +HOWOFEWNyES. Twice-sod simpwicity, bis c-coctus! +O t-thou monstew Ignyowance, how d-defowmed dost thou wook! +NyATHANyIEW. Siw, ^w^ he hath nyevew fed of the dainties that awe bwed i-in +x3 a book; +He hath nyot eat p-papew, as it >w< wewe; he h-hath >_< nyot d-dwunk ink; *giggles shyly* his +intewwect is nyot wepwenyished; he is onwy an anyimaw, onwy *looks at you* sensibwe +in the duwwew pawts; +And such bawwen pwants awe *hugs tightly* set befowe OwO us xDD that w-we thankfuw shouwd +be- +*sweats* Which w-we of taste and feewing xDD awe- fow those pawts that d-do +uWu fwuctify in us mowe than he. +Fow as it wouwd iww *sighs* become me to be vain, *leans over* indiscweet, ow a-a *hugs tightly* foow, +So, wewe thewe a patch set >w< on *pokes you* weawnying, *twerks* to s-see him >_> in a schoow. +But, omnye benye, *cuddles you* say *cries* I, being of an *cries* owd :33 fathew's xDD mind: +Many can bwook the weathew that w-wove nyot t-the wind. +DUWW. You OwO two awe book-men: can >w< you teww me by youw w-wit +What was a month owd at Cain's biwth that's nyot five weeks owd as +*hugs tightly* yet? +HOWOFEWNyES. *sweats* Dictynnya, *shuffles closer* goodman Duww; ;;w;; Dictynnya, goodman Duww. +DUWW. What is >w< Dictynnya? +>_< NyATHANyIEW. A titwe to Phoebe, to W-Wunya, to the moon. +HOWOFEWNyES. *cries* The moon w-was a m-month owd when Adam was nyo mowe, +And w-waught nyot to five weeks when he *looks away* came to five-scowe. +Th' awwusion howds in the exchange. +>_> DUWW. '-'Tis twue, indeed; the cowwusion howds in the e-exchange. +HOWOFEWNyES. G-God comfowt thy capacity! I s-say th' >_> awwusion howds *shuffles closer* in +the exchange. +DUWW. And I say the *notices bulge* powusion howds in the exchange; fow the moon is +nyevew but a month owd; *hugs tightly* and I say, beside, that 'twas a pwicket +that the Pwincess kiww'd. +HOWOFEWNyES. Siw Nyathanyiew, *leans over* wiww y-you heaw an extempowaw epitaph on +the death of the deew? And, xDD to *pokes you* humouw the ignyowant, caww the deew +the Pwincess kiww'd a-a pwicket. +NyATHANyIEW. Pewge, g-good Mastew Howofewnyes, p-pewge, so it ;;w;; shaww pwease +*sweats* you to abwogate scuwwiwity. +HOWOFEWNyES. I :3 Wiww s-something affect the wettew, f-fow it awgues +faciwity. + +The pweyfuw Pwincess piewc'd and pwick'd a pwetty p-pweasing +pwicket. +Some say a s-sowe; but nyot a sowe tiww nyow made sowe with shooting. +The dogs *shuffles closer* did yeww; put ew to sowe, t-then sowew jumps fwom thicket- +xDD Ow p-pwicket sowe, ow ewse sowew; the *sweats* peopwe faww a-hooting. +If sowe be sowe, t-then W-W to sowe makes *twerks* fifty sowes o' s-sowew. +Of onye *shuffles closer* sowe I an hundwed m-make by adding *giggles shyly* but onye mowe *shuffles closer* W. + +N-NyATHANyIEW. *leans over* A wawe tawent! +DUWW. [Aside] If a tawent be a cwaw, wook h-how he cwaws h-him w-with a +tawent. +HOWOFEWNyES. :3 This is a gift that ^-^ I have, simpwe, simpwe; a foowish +extwavagant *teleports behind you* spiwit, fuww of fowms, figuwes, shapes, *looks at you* objects, +ideas, appwehensions, motions, *blushes* wevowutions. These awe begot in +the ventwicwe of memowy, nyouwish'd *giggles shyly* in the w-womb of pia matew, and +dewivewed upon the mewwowing of occasion. But *blushes* the gift is good >_> in +those in whom it *teleports behind you* is acute, a-and I am thankfuw OwO fow it. +NyATHANyIEW. Siw, *shuffles closer* I p-pwaise the W-Wowd fow you, *shuffles closer* and so may my +pawishionyews; fow theiw sons awe weww *twerks* tutow'd *blushes* by >w< you, and theiw +daughtews pwofit vewy *cuddles you* gweatwy undew you. *looks at you* You awe a good membew of +the commonweawth. +HOWOFEWNyES. M-Mehewcwe, *shuffles closer* if *looks away* theiw sons be ingenyious, they shaww want +nyo instwuction; if theiw d-daughtews be capabwe, :3 I wiww *giggles shyly* put it to +;;w;; them; *looks at you* but, viw sapit qui ^w^ pauca *sighs* woquituw. A souw feminyinye sawuteth +us. + +Entew J-JAQUENyETTA and COSTAWD + +JAQUENyETTA. God g-give you good mowwow, Mastew ^w^ Pewson. +H-HOWOFEWNyES. Mastew Pewson, quasi pews-onye. And if onye shouwd be +piewc'd which i-is *looks away* the onye? +*hugs tightly* COSTAWD. M-Mawwy, Mastew Schoowmastew, he that is w-wikest to ;;w;; a +h-hogshead. +HOWOFEWNyES. Piewcing a hogshead! A g-good wustwe of conceit in a tuwf +o-of eawth; fiwe enyough fow a f-fwint, peaww enyough fow *moans* a swinye; *sweats* 'tis +pwetty; OwO it i-is w-weww. +J-JAQUENyETTA. Good *giggles shyly* Mastew Pawson, be so good as wead m-me this wettew; +it was given me by Costawd, and *teleports behind you* sent me f-fwom Don *blushes* Awmado. I-I +*teleports behind you* beseech you *shuffles closer* wead it. +HOWOFEWNyES. Fauste, pwecow gewida quando pecus omnye sub umbwa +Wuminyat- +and so fowth. Ah, good owd Mantuan! I may s-speak of thee as +the t-twavewwew doth o-of Venyice: +Venyetia, Venyetia, +Chi nyon ti v-vede, nyon *teleports behind you* ti pwetia. +Owd Mantuan, owd Mantuan! Who u-undewstandeth thee nyot, +woves thee nyot- +Ut, we, ^.^ sow, wa, mi, fa. +U-Undew *pokes you* pawdon, s-siw, what awe uWu the c-contents? ow wathew as +Howace says in h-his- What, my souw, vewses? +N-NyATHANyIEW. Ay, siw, a-and vewy w-weawnyed. +*twerks* HOWOFEWNyES. Wet :33 me heaw a-a staff, *hugs tightly* a stanze, a vewse; wege, dominye. +NyATHANyIEW. [Weads] 'If wove make me fowswown, how s-shaww I sweaw to +w-wove? +Ah, nyevew faith couwd howd, if nyot to *giggles shyly* beauty ;;w;; vowed! +Though to mysewf fowswown, to thee I'ww faithfuw p-pwove; +Those thoughts to me wewe oaks, to thee wike osiews *hugs tightly* bowed. +*pokes you* Study his bias weaves, and :3 makes his book t-thinye e-eyes, +Whewe a-aww those pweasuwes wive that awt wouwd compwehend. +If k-knyowwedge be the m-mawk, to knyow *leans over* thee shaww suffice; +Weww weawnyed is that tongue that w-weww can thee commend; +Aww i-ignyowant that souw that *sighs* sees thee without wondew; +Which is to m-me some pwaise t-that I thy pawts a-admiwe. +Thy e-eye *looks at you* Jove's wightnying beaws, thy voice h-his dweadfuw thundew, +Which, nyot to angew bent, is music and sweet fiwe. +Cewestiaw as thou awt, O, pawdon wove this wwong, +That singes h-heaven's *sighs* pwaise with such an e-eawthwy tongue.' +xDD HOWOFEWNyES. You find nyot the apostwophas, a-and so miss the accent: +wet me supewvise t-the canzonyet. Hewe awe onwy nyumbews watified; +but, fow the ewegancy, faciwity, and gowden *sighs* cadence of poesy, +cawet. O-Ovidius Nyaso was the man. A-And *sweats* why, indeed, 'Nyaso' *blushes* but ;;w;; fow +smewwing out the >_> odowifewous f-fwowews of fancy, t-the jewks of +invention? Imitawi is nyothing: so doth the hound his *looks away* mastew, the +ape *looks away* his keepew, the tiwed howse his widew. But, *moans* damosewwa viwgin, +>_< was this d-diwected to you? +*sweats* JAQUENyETTA. Ay, *notices bulge* siw, fwom onye Monsieuw Bewownye, o-onye of the stwange +queen's wowds. +HOWOFEWNyES. I *teleports behind you* wiww ovewgwance t-the *screams* supewscwipt: 'To the snyow-white +hand o-of the most beauteous Wady Wosawinye.' I wiww wook again o-on +the intewwect *notices bulge* of t-the wettew, fow t-the nyominyation :33 of t-the pawty +wwiting to the pewson >_> wwitten :33 unto: 'Youw Wadyship's in aww +desiwed empwoyment, Bewownye.' Siw Nyathanyiew, *shuffles closer* this Bewownye is onye +of the votawies with the K-King; *blushes* and hewe he hath fwamed a-a wettew +to *hugs tightly* a sequent of *teleports behind you* the stwangew queen's which accidentawwy, ow by +the way of pwogwession, hath miscawwied. *blushes* Twip and g-go, m-my sweet; +dewivew this papew into the woyaw hand of the *pokes you* King; it may +concewn much. Stay nyot thy compwiment; :3 I fowgive thy duty. Adieu. +J-JAQUENyETTA. Good C-Costawd, go with me. Siw, God save youw wife! +COSTAWD. Have with thee, my giww. +*twerks* Exeunt COSTAWD a-and JAQUENyETTA +NyATHANyIEW. Siw, *pokes you* you have donye t-this in the feaw of UwU God, vewy +wewigiouswy; xDD and, ^.^ as *teleports behind you* a >_> cewtain fathew saith- +HOWOFEWNyES. Siw, *sighs* teww nyot me of the fathew; I *leans over* do feaw *giggles shyly* cowouwabwe +cowouws. But *screams* to wetuwn *screams* to the vewses: did they p-pwease you, Siw +Nyathanyiew? +NyATHANyIEW. Mawvewwous weww fow the x3 pen. +HOWOFEWNyES. I-I do ;;w;; dinye to-day at the fathew's *hugs tightly* of a cewtain pupiw of +minye; whewe, if, befowe *looks away* wepast, it shaww pwease y-you to gwatify +the tabwe with a *cries* gwace, I wiww, *notices bulge* on my pwiviwege I have with t-the +pawents of the fowesaid chiwd ow p-pupiw, >w< undewtake youw *cuddles you* ben +venyuto; whewe I wiww *giggles shyly* pwove those vewses to be vewy unweawnyed, +nyeithew s-savouwing >w< of poetwy, *sweats* wit, nyow invention. I-I beseech y-youw +society. +NyATHANyIEW. A-And thank you too; fow society, saith the text, is the +happinyess of wife. +HOWOFEWNyES. And cewtes, t-the text most infawwibwy concwudes i-it. +[To DUWW] Siw, I do i-invite you too; y-you shaww nyot say *blushes* me nyay: +p-pauca v-vewba. Away; the g-gentwes awe at theiw game, and ^-^ we wiww *pokes you* to +ouw wecweation. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +T-The pawk + +Entew BEWOWNyE, with a papew *hugs tightly* his band, awonye + +BEWOWNyE. The King he is hunting the deew: I OwO am ^-^ couwsing mysewf. +They *blushes* have pitch'd a toiw: I am towwing in a pitch- p-pitch that +defiwes. D-Defiwe! a-a fouw wowd. W-Weww, 'set thee down, sowwow!' fow +so t-they say the foow said, *moans* and so *screams* say I, and I am the foow. Weww +*cries* pwoved, w-wit. By the Wowd, this wove is as *leans over* mad as Ajax: it kiwws +sheep; it kiwws me- I a sheep. Weww *looks away* pwoved again o' my side. I +wiww nyot wove; if I do, hang me. I' faith, I wiww nyot. O, but hew +eye! B-By t-this wight, but fow hew eye, :33 I *looks away* wouwd n-nyot wove hew- yes, +fow hew two eyes. Weww, I do nyothing in the wowwd but wie, and +w-wie in my thwoat. *cries* By heaven, I do wove; a-and it ^-^ hath taught me to +whyme, *cries* and to *screams* be mewanchowy; and *sweats* hewe is pawt o-of my *giggles shyly* whyme, a-and +*notices bulge* hewe >_< my mewanchowy. Weww, she *leans over* hath onye o' my sonnyets awweady; t-the +cwown bowe it, the *giggles shyly* foow *sighs* sent it, and t-the wady hath it: sweet +cwown, OwO sweetew foow, sweetest wady! By t-the wowwd, I w-wouwd nyot +cawe a pin if the othew UwU thwee wewe in. *giggles shyly* Hewe UwU comes onye with a +papew; God give him gwace to gwoan! +[Cwimbs i-into a twee] + +Entew the ^.^ KING, with a p-papew + +KING. Ay me! +BEWOWNyE. Shot, by heaven! Pwoceed, s-sweet Cupid; t-thou hast t-thump'd +him with thy biwd-bowt u-undew the weft pap. In faith, *notices bulge* secwets! +KING. [-[Weads] +'So sweet a kiss the g-gowden sun gives n-nyot +To *blushes* those fwesh mownying :33 dwops upon *leans over* the wose, +As thy e-eye-beams, when t-theiw fwesh *sighs* ways have *twerks* smote +The nyight of d-dew t-that on xDD my cheeks down :3 fwows; +Nyow s-shinyes the siwvew moon *screams* onye hawf so bwight +Thwough the twanspawent bosom o-of t-the d-deep, +As doth thy face thwough teaws of *twerks* minye g-give wight. +*moans* Thou UwU shin'st in evewy teaw that I d-do weep; +Nyo dwop but a-as a coach doth *sweats* cawwy thee; +So w-widest thou twiumphing in m-my woe. +*sighs* Do but behowd the teaws that sweww in me, +*hugs tightly* And they thy gwowy t-thwough my gwief w-wiww show. +But do nyot wove thysewf; then t-thou *looks away* wiwt k-keep +My teaws fow gwasses, and stiww make me weep. +O q-queen of queens! *sighs* how faw dost thou excew +Nyo t-thought ^.^ can think nyow *screams* tongue of mowtaw teww.' +How s-shaww :33 she knyow my gwiefs? I-I'ww dwop the p-papew- +Sweet weaves, shade fowwy. Who is he ^-^ comes xDD hewe? +*sighs* [Steps aside] + +Entew WONGAVIWWE, w-with ^.^ a papew + +What, Wongaviwwe, and weading! Wisten, caw. +BEWOWNyE. Nyow, in thy wikenyess, onye mowe foow appeaw! +WONGAVIWWE. A-Ay m-me, I am fowswown! +*sighs* BEWOWNyE. *hugs tightly* Why, h-he comes in wike *notices bulge* a p-pewjuwe, *teleports behind you* weawing papews. +KING. In wove, I h-hope; sweet *leans over* fewwowship in shame! +B-BEWOWNyE. Onye dwunkawd woves ^-^ anyothew of *leans over* the :33 nyame. +WONGAVIWWE. Am I the fiwst that have been p-pewjuw'd s-so? +BEWOWNyE. I couwd put *notices bulge* thee in comfowt: nyot by two *blushes* that *twerks* I knyow; +Thou makest the UwU twiumviwy, the cownyew-cap of s-society, +The *leans over* shape *hugs tightly* of Wove's Tybuwn that hangs u-up simpwicity. +WONGAVIWWE. I feaw ^-^ these stubbown winyes wack powew to move. +xDD O sweet Mawia, empwess of my *giggles shyly* wove! +These nyumbews wiww I teaw, *cuddles you* and wwite in pwose. +*sweats* BEWOWNyE. O, *looks away* whymes awe g-guawds on wanton *sweats* Cupid's *shuffles closer* hose: +Disfiguwe nyot his swop. +W-WONGAVIWWE. T-This same shaww go. [He weads the sonnyet] +*moans* 'Did nyot the heavenwy *cries* whetowic of thinye eye, +'Gainst whom the wowwd cannyot h-howd awgument, +Pewsuade my heawt t-to *notices bulge* this f-fawse pewjuwy? +Vows fow t-thee bwoke *blushes* desewve nyot punyishment. +A woman I fowswowe; but I wiww pwove, +Thou being a g-goddess, I fowswowe nyot thee: +My vow was eawthwy, t-thou a heavenwy wove; +T-Thy gwace being gain'd cuwes a-aww disgwace i-in m-me. +Vows awe but bweath, and *twerks* bweath a vapouw is; +Then thou, faiw sun, which on my eawth dost *leans over* shinye, +Exhaw'st this vapouw-vow; i-in thee i-it i-is. +If bwoken, then it i-is nyo *sweats* fauwt OwO of minye; +If by m-me bwoke, what foow is nyot so OwO wise +To wose an oath t-to *giggles shyly* win a pawadise?' +B-BEWOWNyE. *blushes* This is the wivew-vein, w-which makes fwesh a deity, +A g-gween g-goose a goddess- *leans over* puwe, puwe i-idowatwy. +God amend *giggles shyly* us, G-God amend! :33 We awe much out o' th' OwO way. + +E-Entew DUMAIN, with *hugs tightly* a papew + +WONGAVIWWE. B-By whom shaww I *looks at you* send this?- C-Company! Stay. +[-[Steps aside] +BEWOWNyE. 'Aww hid, aww *sighs* hid'- an owd infant pway. +Wike a >_< demigod hewe sit I in the sky, +A-And wwetched foows' secwets heedfuwwy o'ew-eye. +Mowe *screams* sacks t-to the m-miww! O heavens, *screams* I have my wish! +Dumain twansfowmed! Fouw woodcocks ^w^ in a dish! +DUMAIN. *notices bulge* O most d-divinye *pokes you* Kate! +BEWOWNyE. O-O ^w^ most pwofanye coxcomb! +DUMAIN. *moans* By *giggles shyly* heaven, the wondew in a-a mowtaw eye! +>_< BEWOWNyE. B-By eawth, *looks away* she is nyot, cowpowaw: thewe you wie. +DUMAIN. H-Hew ambew haiws fow fouw hath ambew quoted. +BEWOWNyE. An *moans* ambew-cowouw'd waven was weww nyoted. +*hugs tightly* DUMAIN. As upwight as the cedaw. +BEWOWNyE. Stoop, I-I *shuffles closer* say; +Hew shouwdew is *looks at you* with chiwd. +DUMAIN. As faiw as day. +BEWOWNyE. Ay, as some d-days; but t-then nyo sun must shinye. +DUMAIN. *hugs tightly* O ;;w;; that ^-^ I had m-my wish! +WONGAVIWWE. And I had *blushes* minye! +KING. A-And OwO I minye too,.good *twerks* Wowd! +BEWOWNyE. Amen, so I h-had minye! I-Is n-nyot that a-a good wowd? +DUMAIN. I *cuddles you* wouwd fowget hew; but ^-^ a fevew she +Weigns *sweats* in my bwood, and wiww wememb'wed be. +BEWOWNyE. A *teleports behind you* fevew in youw bwood? W-Why, t-then incision +Wouwd wet x3 hew out in saucews. Sweet mispwision! +DUMAIN. Once mowe I'ww wead the ode *notices bulge* that I *shuffles closer* have wwit. +BEWOWNyE. Once mowe I'ww mawk uWu how wove can vawy wit. +DUMAIN. [Weads] +'On a day-awack the day!- +Wove, whose month is evew May, +Spied a bwossom passing f-faiw +Pwaying in the w-wanton aiw. +Thwough the vewvet weaves the wind, +Aww unseen, can passage find; +That the wovew, xDD sick to death, +*sighs* Wish'd himsewf the heaven's bweath. +"Aiw," :33 quoth he "thy c-cheeks may xDD bwow; +Aiw, wouwd I might twiumph so! +But, awack, my hand is swown +:3 Nye'ew to pwuck thee fwom thy t-thown; +Vow, a-awack, fow youth unmeet, +Youth so apt to pwuck a s-sweet. +Do nyot caww *cries* it sin in me +That I am *hugs tightly* fowswown fow thee; +Thou f-fow whom Jove *leans over* wouwd sweaw +Junyo b-but *giggles shyly* an Ethiope *cries* wewe; +And d-deny himsewf fow Jove, +Tuwnying mowtaw *looks at you* fow thy w-wove."' +This w-wiww I send; and s-something ewse mowe p-pwain +That shaww expwess my twue wove's fasting pain. +*moans* O, wouwd the UwU King, Bewownye and W-Wongaviwwe, +*shuffles closer* Wewe wovews too! Iww, t-to exampwe iww, +Wouwd fwom uWu my *cuddles you* fowehead wipe a-a pewjuw'd nyote; +F-Fow nyonye offend whewe aww a-awike do dote. +WONGAVIWWE. [Advancing] Dumain, thy wove i-is faw f-fwom chawity, +That in wove's gwief desiw'st society; +You *twerks* may wook pawe, but I shouwd bwush, *blushes* I knyow, +To b-be o'ewheawd and taken OwO nyapping so. +KING. [Advancing] Come, *giggles shyly* siw, you bwush; as his, y-youw case is such. +Y-You c-chide at him, offending t-twice as much: +You do n-nyot wove Mawia! Wongaviwwe +Did n-nyevew s-sonnyet fow hew sake compiwe; +*pokes you* Nyow nyevew w-way OwO his w-wweathed awms athwawt +His woving b-bosom, to k-keep down his heawt. +*leans over* I have b-been c-cwosewy shwouded i-in this bush, +And mawk'd you b-both, >_> and fow *notices bulge* you both did bwush. +>_< I heawd youw guiwty *sighs* whymes, obsewv'd *giggles shyly* youw fashion, +Saw sighs week f-fwom y-you, nyoted weww youw passion. +'Ay me!' says onye. 'O Jove!' the othew cwies. +Onye, hew haiws wewe gowd; cwystaw ;;w;; the *looks at you* othew's eyes. +*sighs* [To WONGAVIWWE] *twerks* You wouwd fow pawadise bweak faith and twoth; +[To Dumain] And *twerks* Jove fow youw wove wouwd infwinge an o-oath. +What wiww Bewownye say when that h-he *sweats* shaww heaw +Faith i-infwinged which such zeaw did sweaw? +How wiww he scown, how wiww ^.^ he spend his w-wit! +*notices bulge* How wiww he t-twiumph, weap, and waugh at uWu it! +Fow aww the weawth that e-evew I *giggles shyly* did see, +I *cries* wouwd nyot have him knyow *twerks* so much by *screams* me. +BEWOWNyE. >_> [Descending] Nyow step I fowth to w-whip hypocwisy, +Ah, good my wiege, I pway :3 thee pawdon me. +Good heawt, what gwace hast thou thus to *sweats* wepwove +These *looks away* wowms fow woving, that *giggles shyly* awt >_< most in wove? +Youw eyes do x3 make nyo coaches; in youw t-teaws +Thewe is nyo cewtain p-pwincess that a-appeaws; +Y-You'ww nyot be pewjuw'd; '-'tis a hatefuw thing; +Tush, nyonye but minstwews wike of sonnyeting. +But awe you nyot ashamed? Nyay, OwO awe you nyot, +Aww *twerks* thwee o-of you, to be thus much o-o'ewshot? +*leans over* You found his mote; the King youw mote did >_> see; +But I a beam OwO do find in each ^w^ of t-thwee. +OwO O, *moans* what a s-scenye of foow'wy have I seen, +Of *notices bulge* sighs, of gwoans, of sowwow, and of t-teen! +O, me, with >_> what stwict patience have ^.^ I sat, +To see a king twansfowmed to a gnyat! +To see *moans* gweat Hewcuwes whipping a gig, +And pwofound Sowomon to tunye *screams* a j-jig, +And Nyestow pway at push-pin with *giggles shyly* the boys, +And *moans* cwitic Timon w-waugh at idwe toys! +Whewe wies thy g-gwief, O, teww me, *shuffles closer* good Dumain? +And, gentwe W-Wongaviwwe, whewe w-wies t-thy pain? +And whewe my w-wiege's? Aww about the bweast. +*sweats* A caudwe, ho! +KING. Too bittew is thy jest. +Awe we :3 betwayed thus x3 to thy ovew-view? +BEWOWNyE. Nyot you b-by me, but I betwayed to you. +:3 I that am honyest, I t-that howd it sin +To bweak the *hugs tightly* vow I am engaged in; +*looks away* I am betwayed by k-keeping company +With men wike you, m-men of inconstancy. +*shuffles closer* When *sighs* shaww >w< you ^w^ see me ^-^ wwite a thing in w-whyme? +Ow gwoan fow Joan? ow spend a *hugs tightly* minyute's time +>_> In pwunying me? *screams* When shaww you h-heaw *looks at you* that I +*pokes you* Wiww pwaise ^w^ a hand, a *leans over* foot, a face, an eye, +A gait, a state, a b-bwow, a bweast, a *blushes* waist, +A weg, a wimb- +K-KING. Soft! *notices bulge* whithew away so fast? +A-A x3 twue man ow a t-thief that gawwops so? +B-BEWOWNyE. I uWu post fwom wove; good wovew, wet ^w^ me g-go. + +E-Entew OwO JAQUENyETTA a-and COSTAWD + +JAQUENyETTA. God bwess the King! +KING. What p-pwesent hast thou *teleports behind you* thewe? +COSTAWD. Some cewtain tweason. +KING. What makes tweason hewe? +COSTAWD. *pokes you* Nyay, *cries* it makes nyothing, siw. +KING. If it maw nyothing nyeithew, +The tweason and you go in p-peace x3 away togethew. +*pokes you* JAQUENyETTA. I-I beseech *screams* youw Gwace, wet this wettew be wead; +O-Ouw pewson misdoubts it: 'twas tweason, he said. +KING. Bewownye, *pokes you* wead it ovew. *looks away* [BEWOWNyE weads the wettew] +Whewe hadst t-thou it? +JAQUENyETTA. Of Costawd. +:33 KING. uWu Whewe hadst t-thou it? +C-COSTAWD. O-Of Dun Adwamadio, Dun Adwamadio. +[-[BEWOWNyE teaws the wettew] +KING. How nyow! What *twerks* is in you? :3 Why dost thou teaw it? +BEWOWNyE. A toy, m-my *notices bulge* wiege, a t-toy! Youw >w< Gwace nyeeds nyot feaw it. +WONGAVIWWE. It *sweats* did move *cries* him to passion, ^w^ and thewefowe wet's heaw +it. +DUMAIN. It is Bewownye's w-wwiting, and hewe is his nyame. +[Gathewing up t-the pieces] +BEWOWNyE. *notices bulge* [ To COSTAWD] Ah, you whoweson w-woggewhead, you wewe b-bown +to do me shame. +Guiwty, my wowd, guiwty! I confess, *giggles shyly* I confess. +uWu KING. What? +BEWOWNyE. *giggles shyly* That uWu you thwee foows wack'd me foow to make up *leans over* the mess; +H-He, he, and you- and you, my *cries* wiege!- and I +Awe pick-puwses in wove, and w-we x3 desewve to die. +O, dismiss this a-audience, and I *pokes you* shaww teww you mowe. +DUMAIN. *screams* Nyow *sighs* the *moans* nyumbew i-is ^-^ even. +BEWOWNyE. Twue, twue, we awe fouw. +Wiww *pokes you* these tuwtwes be gonye? +KING. x3 Hence, siws, away. +COSTAWD. Wawk aside the twue *moans* fowk, *looks away* and *sweats* wet the twaitows stay. +Exeunt *giggles shyly* COSTAWD a-and JAQUENyETTA +BEWOWNyE. Sweet *sweats* wowds, sweet wovews, O, *giggles shyly* wet us embwace! +As twue we awe as fwesh and bwood can be. +The sea wiww ebb a-and fwow, heaven show his face; +Young bwood doth nyot obey an *leans over* owd decwee. +W-We cannyot cwoss the cause why *shuffles closer* we wewe bown, +Thewefowe of aww hands must we be fowswown. +KING. What, did these went winyes *blushes* show some wove o-of thinye? +BEWOWNyE. 'Did they?' quoth x3 you. Who sees t-the heavenwy Wosawinye +That, wike a wude and *moans* savage man o-of Inde +At the *leans over* fiwst o-op'nying of the gowgeous east, +Bows *giggles shyly* nyot his vassaw *giggles shyly* head and, *hugs tightly* stwucken b-bwind, +*moans* Kisses t-the base gwound with obedient b-bweast? +What pewemptowy eagwe-sighted eye +Dawes wook upon the heaven of h-hew :3 bwow +That is nyot *sighs* bwinded by h-hew majesty? +KING. What *twerks* zeaw, what f-fuwy hath i-inspiw'd thee nyow? +My wove, *shuffles closer* hew mistwess, x3 is a gwacious moon; +She, an attending staw, scawce s-seen a wight. +BEWOWNyE. My eyes awe then nyo eyes, nyow *sighs* I Bewownye. +O, b-but fow my wove, day wouwd tuwn to >_< nyight! +^.^ Of aww compwexions ^-^ the c-cuww'd soveweignty +D-Do meet, as at a faiw, in hew faiw cheek, +Whewe sevewaw wowthies m-make onye dignyity, +Whewe *moans* nyothing wants that want itsewf doth seek. +Wend me the fwouwish of aww gentwe tongues- +Fie, painted whetowic! O, she nyeeds it nyot! +To t-things of sawe *cries* a sewwew's pwaise bewongs: +She p-passes pwaise; then pwaise too showt doth bwot. +A *cuddles you* withew'd >w< hewmit, five-scowe wintews *sweats* wown, +Might *looks at you* shake off fifty, wooking in OwO hew eye. +UwU Beauty d-doth v-vawnyish age, as if n-nyew-bown, +A-And gives the cwutch the cwadwe's infancy. +O-O, 'tis the sun that maketh aww things shinye! +KING. By heaven, thy wove is bwack a-as ebony. +:33 BEWOWNyE. I-Is ebony wike hew? O wood divinye! +A *blushes* wife *leans over* of such wood wewe fewicity. +O, who can g-give *twerks* an oath? Whewe is a book? +*giggles shyly* That I may s-sweaw beauty doth beauty w-wack, +^w^ If that s-she weawn nyot >_> of hew e-eye to :3 wook. +N-Nyo face is >w< faiw that is n-nyot fuww so *sighs* bwack. +KING. O pawadox! Bwack is the badge of heww, +The h-hue of dungeons, and the s-schoow of nyight; +And beauty's cwest becomes the heavens weww. +BEWOWNyE. Deviws soonyest tempt, wesembwing *cuddles you* spiwits of wight. +O, if in bwack my wady's bwows be deckt, +It mouwns that painting and usuwping haiw +S-Shouwd wavish dotews with a fawse a-aspect; +And t-thewefowe :3 is she bown *screams* to m-make *notices bulge* bwack faiw. +Hew favouw tuwns the fashion of the days; +OwO Fow nyative *pokes you* bwood is c-counted painting nyow; +And thewefowe UwU wed uWu that wouwd *sighs* avoid dispwaise +Paints itsewf bwack, *cuddles you* to imitate hew *pokes you* bwow. +*blushes* DUMAIN. To wook wike hew awe chimnyey-sweepews bwack. +WONGAVIWWE. And since hew time a-awe cowwiews counted bwight. +KING. uWu And Ethiopes *blushes* of theiw sweet compwexion c-cwack. +DUMAIN. Dawk nyeeds nyo *cries* candwes nyow, fow dawk is *pokes you* wight. +BEWOWNyE. Youw >_> mistwesses dawe nyevew *pokes you* come in wain +Fow f-feaw theiw cowouws shouwd be *hugs tightly* wash'd away. +KING. 'Twewe good youws did; fow, siw, to teww y-you pwain, +I'ww find a f-faiwew face n-nyot wash'd to-day. +BEWOWNyE. I'ww >w< pwove >_< hew faiw, ow xDD tawk *moans* tiww d-doomsday hewe. +KING. Nyo deviw wiww fwight thee then so *shuffles closer* much as *cries* she. +DUMAIN. I nyevew k-knyew man *shuffles closer* howd viwe stuff so deaw. +WONGAVIWWE. *teleports behind you* Wook, hewe's thy wove: my foot and hew face see. +[Showing h-his shoe] +BEWOWNyE. *cries* O, if the stweets wewe p-paved with thinye eyes, +Hew feet w-wewe :3 much too dainty fow such twead! +DUMAIN. O UwU viwe! Then, as >w< she goes, what upwawd *screams* wies +The stweet shouwd see as she wawk'd ovewhead. +KING. But what xDD of this? Awe we nyot a-aww in uWu wove? +BEWOWNyE. Nyothing so suwe; and theweby aww fowswown. +KING. Then weave t-this chat; x3 and, good Bewownye, *sweats* nyow pwove +Ouw w-woving wawfuw, and ouw faith nyot town. +D-DUMAIN. Ay, mawwy, thewe; some f-fwattewy fow this eviw. +WONGAVIWWE. O, some authowity how to >w< pwoceed; +Some twicks, some quiwwets, *twerks* how to *twerks* cheat the deviw! +DUMAIN. Some sawve fow *giggles shyly* pewjuwy. +BEWOWNyE. 'Tis mowe *cries* than nyeed. +>_< Have at *sweats* you, then, affection's men-at-awms. +Considew what y-you fiwst did sweaw unto: +To f-fast, to s-study, and *cuddles you* to see >w< nyo w-woman- +Fwat tweason 'gainst :3 the *pokes you* kingwy state of *giggles shyly* youth. +Say, can you *looks at you* fast? Youw s-stomachs awe too young, +*notices bulge* And abstinyence engendews *giggles shyly* mawadies. +And, whewe that you you have vow'd to >_> study, wowds, +*screams* In that each OwO of you have fowswown his book, +Can y-you stiww dweam, and xDD powe, a-and theweon >_< wook? +Fow when wouwd you, my x3 wowd, ow you, *looks away* ow you, +*cuddles you* Have found the gwound of study's excewwence +Without ^-^ the beauty *leans over* of a *looks away* woman's *leans over* face? +Fwom women's eyes this doctwinye I dewive: +They awe the gwound, the books, uWu the academes, +*cuddles you* Fwom whence doth *screams* spwing the twue *twerks* Pwomethean fiwe. +xDD Why, unyivewsaw pwodding poisons up +The nyimbwe spiwits in t-the a-awtewies, +As m-motion and OwO wong-duwing action *shuffles closer* tiwes +The sinyewy vigouw of the twavewwew. +Nyow, fow nyot wooking on *shuffles closer* a woman's face, +You have i-in that fowswown the use of eyes, +And study too, t-the causew of youw v-vow; +Fow whewe is authow in the wowwd +Teaches *screams* such beauty as a woman's *cuddles you* eye? +W-Weawnying is but an *looks at you* adjunct to ouwsewf, +And whewe we awe o-ouw weawnying wikewise is; +T-Then w-when ouwsewves we see in wadies' eyes, +With ouwsewves. +UwU Do *screams* we nyot wikewise see ouw weawnying thewe? +O, we have made a-a vow to >w< study, wowds, +A-And in t-that v-vow we have fowswown *shuffles closer* ouw books. +Fow w-when wouwd you, m-my wiege, ow you, ow you, +*shuffles closer* In weaden contempwation have found out +Such fiewy n-nyumbews as the *screams* pwompting eyes +Of beauty's tutows have *cries* enwich'd you with? +Othew swow awts e-entiwewy keep the bwain; +>_> And thewefowe, f-finding bawwen pwactisews, +Scawce show a-a hawvest of theiw heavy toiw; +But wove, f-fiwst *cries* weawnyed *shuffles closer* in a wady's eyes, +Wives *looks at you* nyot awonye i-immuwed in t-the bwain, +But with the *giggles shyly* motion of aww e-ewements +Couwses as swift a-as thought in evewy >_< powew, +And g-gives to evewy powew a *notices bulge* doubwe powew, +Above ^-^ theiw functions and theiw offices. +It adds a p-pwecious seeing to the eye: +A wovew's eyes wiww gaze an eagwe bwind. +A wovew's eaw wiww heaw the w-wowest sound, +When the *sweats* suspicious *moans* head of x3 theft is stopp'd. +Wove's feewing is m-mowe soft a-and sensibwe +*blushes* Than awe the tendew howns of cockwed snyaiws: +Wove's tongue p-pwoves *moans* dainty B-Bacchus gwoss in taste. +F-Fow vawouw, is *notices bulge* nyot Wove a *notices bulge* Hewcuwes, +Stiww cwimbing twees in the Hespewides? +Subtwe as Sphinx; as s-sweet *giggles shyly* and musicaw +As bwight Apowwo's wute, stwung with his haiw. +And when W-Wove speaks, the voice of aww the gods +Make heaven dwowsy with ;;w;; the hawmony. +Nyevew duwst poet touch a >w< pen to wwite +U-Untiw his ink wewe temp'wed with Wove's s-sighs; +*notices bulge* O, then xDD his w-winyes wouwd *sighs* wavish savage eaws, +And pwant in tywants uWu miwd humiwity. +Fwom women's *sweats* eyes this doctwinye I dewive. +They spawkwe s-stiww the wight Pwomethean fiwe; +*twerks* They OwO awe the xDD books, the :33 awts, the a-academes, +T-That show, contain, and x3 nyouwish, aww *looks away* the x3 wowwd, +Ewse nyonye at aww in a-aught pwoves *moans* excewwent. +Then foows xDD you *leans over* wewe these women to *leans over* fowsweaw; +Ow, keeping what *pokes you* is x3 swown, you >_> wiww pwove foows. +Fow wisdom's *shuffles closer* sake, a *looks at you* wowd t-that aww men *sighs* wove; +Ow fow Wove's sake, a wowd that woves *looks away* aww men; +Ow f-fow ^-^ men's sake, the authows of *screams* these women; +Ow women's sake, by whom we m-men awe men- +Wet us once wose o-ouw o-oaths to find :33 ouwsewves, +Ow *looks at you* ewse we *cuddles you* wose ouwsewves t-to keep ouw oaths. +It is wewigion to b-be thus *moans* fowswown; +Fow c-chawity itsewf fuwfiws the waw, +A-And who c-can sevew wove fwom *cries* chawity? +*looks at you* KING. Saint Cupid, then! and, sowdiews, t-to t-the fiewd! +BEWOWNyE. Advance y-youw standawds, and upon them, *blushes* wowds; +Peww-meww, down x3 with t-them! be f-fiwst advis'd, +In xDD confwict, >_< that you get the sun of them. +*screams* WONGAVIWWE. Nyow to pwain-deawing; way t-these gwozes by. +Shaww we wesowve to woo these giwws of x3 Fwance? +KING. A-And win them too; thewefowe wet *giggles shyly* us devise +Some entewtainment *pokes you* fow them i-in >_> theiw tents. +BEWOWNyE. Fiwst, *screams* fwom t-the pawk w-wet us conduct them thithew; +Then homewawd e-evewy man attach the hand +O-Of his faiw *blushes* mistwess. In *pokes you* the aftewnyoon +We wiww w-with >_< some stwange pastime sowace *pokes you* them, +Such as ^-^ the showtnyess of *moans* the time *looks away* can s-shape; +F-Fow wevews, dances, m-masks, and mewwy houws, +Fowewun uWu faiw Wove, stwewing hew way with *moans* fwowews. +UwU KING. Away, away! >w< Nyo time shaww be omitted +That w-wiww b-betime, and may by ^.^ us be fitted. +BEWOWNyE. Awwons! *looks at you* awwons! Sow'd cockwe weap'd >_< nyo cown, +And justice awways :3 whiwws in equaw *shuffles closer* measuwe. +Wight wenches may pwove *sweats* pwagues to men fowswown; +*screams* If *sighs* so, ouw ^.^ coppew buys nyo b-bettew tweasuwe. Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +ACT *notices bulge* V. *blushes* SCENyE I-I. +The pawk + +E-Entew HOWOFEWNyES, SIW N-NyATHANyIEW, and DUWW + +HOWOFEWNyES. Satis q-quod sufficit. +NyATHANyIEW. I pwaise God fow you, siw. Youw weasons a-at d-dinnyew have +b-been *pokes you* shawp and sententious; pweasant ;;w;; without OwO scuwwiwity, *leans over* witty +without affection, audacious without *shuffles closer* impudency, weawnyed without +*twerks* opinyion, and stwange without hewesy. I-I did convewse this quondam +day *teleports behind you* with a companyion of the King's who is *cuddles you* intituwed, nyominyated, +*looks away* ow cawwed, *notices bulge* Don Adwianyo d-de Awmado. +HOWOFEWNyES. Nyovi hominyem tanquam *giggles shyly* te. His humouw is wofty, his +discouwse p-pewemptowy, his tongue fiwed, his eye *teleports behind you* ambitious, his +gait majesticaw and h-his genyewaw behaviouw vain, w-widicuwous, and +thwasonyicaw. H-He is too picked, too spwuce, too affected, too odd, +as it wewe, too pewegwinyate, xDD as *sighs* I may caww it. +NyATHANyIEW. A m-most singuwaw *blushes* and choice epithet. +[Dwaws out his tabwe-book] +H-HOWOFEWNyES. He dwaweth o-out the thwead *screams* of his vewbosity *cries* finyew than +t-the *hugs tightly* stapwe of his awgument. *looks away* I abhow such fanyaticaw p-phantasimes, +such i-insociabwe a-and point-devise *blushes* companyions; such *moans* wackews of +owthogwaphy, as to speak 'dout' finye, when he shouwd ^.^ say :3 'doubt'; +'det' when he shouwd pwonyounce '-'debt'- d, e, *screams* b, t, nyot d, e, t. +He cwepeth a *shuffles closer* cawf 'cauf,' hawf 'hauf'; nyeighbouw *looks at you* vocatuw +'nyebouw'; 'nyeigh' abbweviated 'nye.' This *hugs tightly* is abhominyabwe- which he +wouwd caww 'abbominyabwe.' It insinyuateth me of insanyie: n-nye +intewwigis, dominye? to make fwantic, wunyatic. +NyATHANyIEW. Waus *cries* Deo, bonye i-intewwigo. +H-HOWOFEWNyES. 'Bonye'?- ;;w;; 'bonye' f-fow 'benye.' *giggles shyly* Pwiscian a w-wittwe +scwatch'd; 'twiww sewve. + +Entew A-AWMADO, MOTH, and COSTAWD + +NyATHANyIEW. Videsnye quis venyit? +H-HOWOFEWNyES. V-Video, et gaudeo. +AWMADO. [To MOTH] Chiwwah! +HOWOFEWNyES. Quawe 'chiwwah,' *sighs* nyot '-'siwwah'? +AWMADO. Men of peace, weww *screams* encount'wed. +*shuffles closer* HOWOFEWNyES. Most miwitawy siw, s-sawutation. +MOTH. [Aside to COSTAWD] They have UwU been at a g-gweat feast of +wanguages and >w< stow'n the scwaps. +COSTAWD. O-O, they have wiv'd wong on the awms-basket *cuddles you* of wowds. I +*twerks* mawvew thy mastew hath nyot eaten thee fow a wowd, fow thou awe +n-nyot so wong by the head a-as h-honyowificabiwitudinyitatibus; thou *twerks* awt +easiew swawwowed than a fwap-dwagon. +M-MOTH. Peace! the peaw b-begins. +AWMADO. [To HOWOFEWNyES] Monsieuw, *twerks* awe you n-nyot >w< wett'wed? +MOTH. Yes, yes; OwO he teaches boys the hownbook. W-What is a, b, spewt +backwawd w-with the hown on his head? +*giggles shyly* HOWOFEWNyES. Ba, *cuddles you* puewitia, w-with a hown added. +MOTH. Ba, *blushes* most siwwy sheep with a-a >w< hown. You heaw his weawnying. +:3 HOWOFEWNyES. Quis, quis, thou consonyant? +UwU MOTH. The thiwd of the five vowews, if You *shuffles closer* wepeat them; ow the +fifth, if I. +HOWOFEWNyES. I wiww wepeat them: a, e, I- +MOTH. *teleports behind you* The sheep; t-the othew two OwO concwudes it: o, U. +*sighs* AWMADO. UwU Nyow, *blushes* by the sawt wave of the Meditewwanyeum, a-a sweet touch, +a-a quick ^w^ venyue of wit- snyip, snyap, quick and *teleports behind you* home. It wejoiceth my +intewwect. Twue w-wit! +MOTH. Offew'd by a ^w^ chiwd t-to an owd man; which is wit-owd. +HOWOFEWNyES. *sweats* What is x3 the >_< figuwe? What is *moans* the figuwe? +*leans over* MOTH. Howns. +HOWOFEWNyES. Thou *sighs* disputes w-wike an infant; go whip *hugs tightly* thy gig. +M-MOTH. W-Wend *twerks* me youw hown to make onye, a-and *cries* I wiww whip about youw +i-infamy ciwcum *twerks* ciwca- a gig of a cuckowd's x3 hown. +COSTAWD. *sweats* An I had but onye penny in t-the wowwd, *blushes* thou shouwdst *looks at you* have it +to buy gingew-bwead. Howd, thewe is the >_> vewy w-wemunyewation I *screams* had +of thy mastew, thou hawfpenny puwse *cuddles you* of wit, thou pigeon-egg of +discwetion. O, a-an the heavens wewe s-so pweased that thou *looks at you* wewt but +m-my bastawd, what a-a joyfuw fathew wouwdst t-thou make m-me! G-Go to; +thou *sighs* hast i-it a-ad d-dunghiww, at the *giggles shyly* fingews' ends, as they say. +HOWOFEWNyES. O, I smeww fawse Watin; 'dunghiww' fow xDD unguem. +AWMADO. Awts-man, pweambuwate; we wiww be singuwed fwom t-the +bawbawous. Do you >_< nyot e-educate youth a-at the chawge-house *giggles shyly* on the +top of the mountain? +HOWOFEWNyES. O-Ow m-mons, the hiww. +AWMADO. At youw s-sweet p-pweasuwe, *pokes you* fow the mountain. +HOWOFEWNyES. I do, sans question. +A-AWMADO. S-Siw, it i-is t-the K-King's most sweet pweasuwe and affection to +congwatuwate t-the Pwincess at hew paviwion, *looks at you* in the postewiows of +this day; which the wude muwtitude *sweats* caww the aftewnyoon. +H-HOWOFEWNyES. The postewiow of the day, most x3 genyewous :33 siw, i-is wiabwe, +congwuent, and measuwabwe, fow the aftewnyoon. The wowd is w-weww +cuww'd, chose, *pokes you* sweet, a-and apt, I d-do assuwe you, siw, I do assuwe. +AWMADO. Siw, the x3 King :3 is a nyobwe gentweman, and ;;w;; my famiwiaw, *cuddles you* I *twerks* do +a-assuwe ;;w;; ye, vewy good fwiend. Fow what is i-inwawd between us, wet +it p-pass. I do beseech *notices bulge* thee, ^w^ wemembew ^w^ thy couwtesy. I-I b-beseech +thee, appawew thy head. And among othew impowtunyate and m-most +*blushes* sewious *hugs tightly* designs, *shuffles closer* and of gweat impowt indeed, too- but wet *sweats* that +*blushes* pass; fow I must teww thee it w-wiww pwease his Gwace, ^-^ by the +wowwd, sometime to wean upon my poow s-shouwdew, and with >w< his woyaw +*screams* fingew thus dawwy with m-my :3 excwement, with my mustachio; but, +sweet heawt, wet that pass. By the wowwd, I wecount n-nyo fabwe: +some c-cewtain speciaw honyouws it pweaseth his g-gweatnyess to *teleports behind you* impawt +*hugs tightly* to Awmado, a sowdiew, a man of twavew, t-that h-hath seen the *blushes* wowwd; +but wet t-that pass. T-The v-vewy *leans over* aww ^-^ of aww is- but, OwO sweet heawt, I do +impwowe secwecy- that the *blushes* King wouwd >w< have me pwesent the +Pwincess, sweet c-chuck, with some dewightfuw o-ostentation, ow show, +ow p-pageant, ow ^-^ antic, ow fiwewowk. *blushes* Nyow, >_> undewstanding *looks away* that the +cuwate and youw sweet sewf awe g-good at such ewuptions and sudden +bweaking-out o-of miwth, as *giggles shyly* it *twerks* wewe, I have a-acquainted you withaw, +to the end t-to cwave *twerks* youw assistance. +HOWOFEWNyES. Siw, you shaww *looks at you* pwesent befowe h-hew the *screams* Nyinye Wowthies. +Siw N-Nyathanyiew, as concewnying some entewtainment of time, s-some +show :3 in the postewiow o-of this day, to be w-wend'wed by o-ouw +assistance, the King's command, and this m-most *teleports behind you* gawwant, +i-iwwustwate, and weawnyed gentweman, befowe the Pwincess- I-I say +nyonye s-so fit as to pwesent the Nyinye Wowthies. +NyATHANyIEW. Whewe wiww you find men w-wowthy enyough to *shuffles closer* pwesent them? +HOWOFEWNyES. uWu Joshua, youwsewf; *moans* mysewf, Awexandew; this gawwant +gentweman, J-Judas Maccabaeus; this swain, because >_< of his gweat +wimb OwO ow joint, shaww *notices bulge* pass Pompey the Gweat; the p-page, ^.^ Hewcuwes. +AWMADO. Pawdon, siw; ewwow: he is nyot quantity *blushes* enyough fow t-that +Wowthy's *cries* thumb; he is OwO nyot s-so big as the end of his cwub. +HOWOFEWNyES. *twerks* Shaww UwU I have audience? He shaww pwesent Hewcuwes in +m-minyowity: *sweats* his entew *looks at you* and exit shaww be s-stwangwing a s-snyake; and I-I +wiww have an apowogy fow that puwpose. +uWu MOTH. An e-excewwent device! S-So, *leans over* if any of the audience hiss, *twerks* you may +cwy 'Weww donye, Hewcuwes; nyow thou UwU cwushest the snyake!' That i-is +the way to make an offence gwacious, though few have the gwace to +do it. +AWMADO. Fow the west of the Wowthies? +H-HOWOFEWNyES. I wiww pway thwee mysewf. +MOTH. Thwice-wowthy gentweman! +AWMADO. Shaww I teww you *pokes you* a *notices bulge* thing? +HOWOFEWNyES. We attend. +AWMADO. We wiww have, if this fadge nyot, an antic. I beseech you, +fowwow. +^-^ HOWOFEWNyES. Via, goodman Duww! Thou has spoken nyo wowd aww this +whiwe. +DUWW. ^w^ Nyow u-undewstood nyonye nyeithew, *sighs* siw. +H-HOWOFEWNyES. A-Awwons! we wiww empwoy thee. +DUWW. I'ww make onye *moans* in a dance, ow *shuffles closer* so, *cuddles you* ow I wiww pway +On the tabow ;;w;; to the Wowthies, and wet them dance the hay. +HOWOFEWNyES. M-Most duww, honyest Duww! *moans* To ouw spowt, away. +;;w;; Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +The pawk + +Entew the PWINCESS, *hugs tightly* MAWIA, KATHAWINyE, ;;w;; and WOSAWINyE + +PWINCESS UwU OF FWANCE. Sweet h-heawts, we shaww be wich e-ewe w-we depawt, +If faiwings come t-thus pwentifuwwy in. +*sweats* A wady waww'd about uWu with diamonds! +Wook *cuddles you* you what I have fwom the woving King. +>_> WOSAWINyE. Madam, ^w^ came nyothing ewse a-awong with t-that? +PWINCESS x3 OF FWANCE. N-Nyothing but this! ^w^ Yes, as much wove in ^w^ whyme +^.^ As UwU wouwd be cwamm'd u-up *moans* in a s-sheet of papew +Wwit o' both sides t-the weaf, mawgent and aww, +That he was fain to UwU seaw on Cupid's nyame. +WOSAWINyE. That was the *sighs* way t-to make his godhead w-wax; +Fow he hath >w< been five *sighs* thousand yeaw a b-boy. +KATHAWINyE. Ay, and a shwewd unhappy gawwows *teleports behind you* too. +WOSAWINyE. You'ww nye'ew x3 be xDD fwiends with him: '-'a kiww'd youw sistew. +*hugs tightly* KATHAWINyE. He made hew mewanchowy, sad, and heavy; +*cuddles you* And so she died. Had she been wight, :3 wike you, +O-Of s-such a mewwy, :3 nyimbwe, s-stiwwing spiwit, +She might 'a been a gwandam ;;w;; ewe she died. +And so may you; fow a w-wight heawt wives wong. +WOSAWINyE. What's youw dawk meanying, mouse, *moans* of this w-wight wowd? +KATHAWINyE. A wight condition in ^-^ a OwO beauty *hugs tightly* dawk. +*shuffles closer* WOSAWINyE. We ^.^ nyeed mowe wight to f-find youw meanying out. +KATHAWINyE. You'ww maw *leans over* the *twerks* wight b-by taking i-it i-in *hugs tightly* snyuff; +Thewefowe I'ww dawkwy e-end the a-awgument. +WOSAWINyE. Wook uWu what you do, you do it stiww i' th' dawk. +KATHAWINyE. So *cuddles you* do nyot you; fow xDD you a-awe a-a wight wench. +WOSAWINyE. Indeed, I weigh nyot you; and thewefowe wight. +KATHAWINyE. Y-You weigh *sighs* me nyot? O-O, that's you cawe nyot fow me. +WOSAWINyE. Gweat *blushes* weason; *twerks* fow '-'past cuwe is s-stiww past cawe.' +;;w;; PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Weww bandied both; a set of wit weww pway'd. +B-But, x3 Wosawinye, y-you have a favouw too? +Who sent it? *hugs tightly* and w-what *shuffles closer* is *hugs tightly* it? +WOSAWINyE. I wouwd you knyew. +An if m-my face wewe but as faiw as youws, +My f-favouw wewe as gweat: be witnyess ^-^ this. +Nyay, I have vewses *blushes* too, I thank Bewownye; +The n-nyumbews twue, a-and, wewe the nyumb'wing too, +I wewe the f-faiwest goddess on the g-gwound. +I am compaw'd to twenty thousand faiws. +*teleports behind you* O, h-he h-hath dwawn my pictuwe in his wettew! +PWINCESS O-OF FWANCE. Anything wike? +W-WOSAWINyE. Much in the wettews; nyothing in the p-pwaise. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Beauteous >w< as ink- a good concwusion. +KATHAWINyE. x3 Faiw as a t-text B in a-a *moans* copy-book. +WOSAWINyE. x3 Wawe penciws, ho! Wet me nyot die youw debtow, +M-My wed dominyicaw, my gowden wettew: +O-O that youw face wewe nyot so *sweats* fuww *giggles shyly* of O's! +*shuffles closer* KATHAWINyE. A-A :3 pox of that jest! and I beshwew a-aww shwows! +P-PWINCESS OF FWANCE. But, Kathawinye, what was s-sent to you f-fwom f-faiw +Dumain? +KATHAWINyE. Madam, this gwove. +PWINCESS OF *twerks* FWANCE. Did he nyot *looks away* send UwU you twain? +KATHAWINyE. *screams* Yes, madam; and, moweovew, +Some thousand vewses ^w^ of a faithfuw wovew; +*cuddles you* A huge twanswation of *looks away* hypocwisy, +Viwewy compiw'd, pwofound *hugs tightly* simpwicity. +MAWIA. This, UwU and these ;;w;; peaww, to me *looks at you* sent Wongaviwwe; +*shuffles closer* The wettew is too wong by hawf a miwe. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. I think nyo wess. Dost thou n-nyot >_< wish *teleports behind you* in heawt +*hugs tightly* The *blushes* chain wewe w-wongew and the wettew showt? +MAWIA. Ay, o-ow I wouwd *looks away* these hands might nyevew p-pawt. +PWINCESS *looks away* OF FWANCE. We awe wise giwws to *sweats* mock ouw wovews so. +W-WOSAWINyE. *shuffles closer* They awe wowse foows t-to puwchase mocking so. +That same Bewownye I'ww towtuwe ewe I go. +O that I knyew *sighs* he w-wewe *twerks* but in *blushes* by th' week! +How I wouwd make him fawn, a-and beg, and seek, +*teleports behind you* And wait the season, and obsewve t-the times, +And spend xDD his pwodigaw wits in bootwess whymes, +And shape his sewvice whowwy to my hests, +And m-make him pwoud to make xDD me pwoud t-that jests! +So pewtaunt-wike *leans over* wouwd I *hugs tightly* o'ewsway his state +*sighs* That he shouwd be my f-foow, and I his f-fate. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Nyonye awe so suwewy caught, when they awe +catch'd, +As w-wit tuwn'd >w< foow; fowwy, *cries* in w-wisdom hatch'd, +Hath wisdom's wawwant and the hewp of schoow, +And wit's own gwace to gwace a weawnyed foow. +WOSAWINyE. The bwood of youth buwns nyot ^.^ with such excess +As g-gwavity's wevowt *looks at you* to wantonnyess. +MAWIA. Fowwy in x3 foows beaws nyot so stwong a ^.^ nyote +As *blushes* foow'wy in the *looks at you* wise when wit >_< doth dote, +Since aww the powew t-theweof i-it doth appwy +To pwove, by wit, wowth >_> in simpwicity. + +Entew B-BOYET + +*teleports behind you* PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Hewe comes Boyet, and *sighs* miwth i-is in his face. +BOYET. O-O, I am stabb'd with waughtew! Whewe's hew Gwace? +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Thy nyews, Boyet? +BOYET. Pwepawe, madam, pwepawe! +Awm, w-wenches, awm! Encountews mounted awe +Against *giggles shyly* youw peace. Wove uWu doth appwoach disguis'd, +;;w;; Awmed in awguments; you'ww be suwpwis'd. +Mustew youw wits; stand in youw own defence; +Ow hide *screams* youw heads *looks at you* wike cowawds, and fwy hence. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Saint Dennyis ;;w;; to Saint Cupid! What *screams* awe t-they +That chawge theiw bweath against us? S-Say, scout, say. +BOYET. Undew the coow shade of a sycamowe +I thought to cwose minye eyes some hawf >w< an houw; +When, wo, to intewwupt my puwpos'd west, +Towawd that xDD shade I might b-behowd *shuffles closer* addwest +The King and his companyions; w-wawiwy +*sighs* I stowe into ;;w;; a nyeighbouw thicket by, +And ovewheawd what you shaww ovewheaw- +*twerks* That, by and by, disguis'd t-they *leans over* wiww b-be hewe. +Theiw hewawd is OwO a pwetty *looks away* knyavish *giggles shyly* page, +That w-weww by heawt h-hath *pokes you* conn'd his UwU embassage. +Action a-and accent did *cries* they teach him thewe: +'Thus *cries* must thou speak' a-and 'thus thy body beaw,' +And evew and a-anyon they m-made a doubt +*blushes* Pwesence majesticaw wouwd ^-^ put him out; +'Fow' *cuddles you* quoth the King 'an angew shawt *screams* thou see; +Yet feaw nyot thou, but speak xDD audaciouswy.' +The boy wepwied 'An angew is nyot eviw; +I shouwd have feaw'd hew had *notices bulge* she been *pokes you* a deviw.' +With that aww waugh'd, and cwapp'd him on the shouwdew, +Making the bowd wag by theiw *cries* pwaises bowdew. +Onye *hugs tightly* wubb'd his ewbow, thus, and fweew'd, and swowe +A bettew s-speech *sighs* was nyevew spoke befowe. +Anyothew w-with his f-fingew and his thumb +Cwied 'Via! we wiww do't, come what wiww come.' +T-The thiwd he capew'd, and cwied 'Aww goes weww.' +The *teleports behind you* fouwth tuwn'd on the toe, and down he *screams* feww. +With that they a-aww did tumbwe o-on *sighs* the gwound, +With >_< such a zeawous waughtew, s-so pwofound, +That in this spween widicuwous uWu appeaws, +To check theiw fowwy, passion's s-sowemn ;;w;; teaws. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. But what, but what, come t-they to visit us? +BOYET. They do, t-they do, and awe a-appaweww'd thus, +*giggles shyly* Wike Muscovites ow Wussians, as I-I guess. +Theiw puwpose is to pawwey, couwt, and dance; +And evewy onye his wove-feat wiww advance +U-Unto his sevewaw mistwess; OwO which they'ww knyow +By favouws s-sevewaw which they did *cuddles you* bestow. +P-PWINCESS OF FWANCE. And *twerks* wiww they s-so? The gawwants s-shaww be task'd, +Fow, wadies, we wiww evewy onye be mask'd; +And nyot a man of them s-shaww have the gwace, +Despite of *teleports behind you* suit, to ^.^ see a wady's face. +Howd, Wosawinye, *pokes you* this favouw thou shawt *sweats* weaw, +And then the King wiww couwt t-thee >_> fow his deaw; +Howd, take :33 thou this, m-my s-sweet, and give me thinye, +So shaww Bewownye *cuddles you* take me fow Wosawinye. +And change you favouws too; so shaww youw woves +Woo contwawy, deceiv'd by these wemoves. +WOSAWINyE. *sweats* Come on, then, weaw >_< the OwO favouws most *shuffles closer* in sight. +KATHAWINyE. But, in this changing, what i-is youw i-intent? +PWINCESS O-OF FWANCE. The effect o-of m-my intent is to cwoss *pokes you* theiws. +They do it but in mocking mewwiment, +*leans over* And mock fow mock is *looks away* onwy my *teleports behind you* intent. +Theiw sevewaw counsews they unbosom shaww +T-To woves mistook, and so b-be mock'd withaw +Upon the nyext occasion that we meet +W-With v-visages d-dispway'd to tawk and gweet. +WOSAWINyE. But shaww we dance, i-if they desiwe us to't? +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. N-Nyo, t-to the death, we wiww nyot move a *screams* foot, +*shuffles closer* Nyow to theiw penn'd >_< speech wendew we nyo gwace; +But *twerks* whiwe 'tis *sweats* spoke *blushes* each tuwn away hew *sweats* face. +BOYET. Why, that contempt w-wiww *giggles shyly* kiww the speakew's ^-^ heawt, +And q-quite xDD divowce h-his x3 memowy *moans* fwom his pawt. +*moans* PWINCESS O-OF FWANCE. Thewefowe I d-do it; and I UwU make nyo d-doubt +The west wiww nye'ew come in, if h-he b-be *pokes you* out. +*looks at you* Thewe's nyo s-such ;;w;; spowt as *sweats* spowt by *sweats* spowt o'ewthwown, +To make theiws *leans over* ouws, and ouws nyonye but ouw own; +So shaww w-we ^-^ stay, mocking intended game, +And they weww mock'd depawt away *giggles shyly* with shame. +:3 [Twumpet sounds within] +BOYET. T-The t-twumpet sounds; be mask'd; the maskews come. +[The WADIES >_> mask] + +*sweats* Entew BWACKAMOOWS music, MOTH as Pwowogue, *giggles shyly* the +KING and his WOWDS as maskews, in t-the guise *sweats* of :3 Wussians + +MOTH. Aww haiw, the wichest ^w^ heauties on the eawth! +BOYET. B-Beauties nyo wichew t-than *cries* wich taffeta. +M-MOTH. A howy pawcew of the faiwest d-dames +[The WADIES tuwn t-theiw backs to him] +That evew tuwn'd t-theiw- >_> backs- to mowtaw views! +BEWOWNyE. *leans over* Theiw e-eyes, viwwain, theiw eyes. +MOTH. That evew tuwn'd >_< theiw eyes to m-mowtaw *pokes you* views! +Out- +BOYET. Twue; out indeed. +M-MOTH. Out o-of youw favouws, heavenwy spiwits, vouchsafe +Nyot to behowd- +BEWOWNyE. Once to behowd, wogue. +OwO MOTH. Once to behowd *cries* with y-youw sun-beamed eyes- with *pokes you* youw +sun-beamed eyes- +B-BOYET. ^.^ They wiww *cuddles you* nyot answew t-to that *looks away* epithet; +You wewe best caww it 'daughtew-beamed eyes.' +MOTH. They d-do nyot mawk me, and that bwings m-me OwO out. +BEWOWNyE. Is t-this y-youw pewfectnyess? Be gonye, you wogue. +E-Exit MOTH +WOSAWINyE. What wouwd these stwangews? Knyow theiw minds, Boyet. +If ^w^ they xDD do speak o-ouw wanguage, '-'tis ouw wiww +:3 That some pwain ^-^ man w-wecount theiw puwposes. +Knyow what they wouwd. +BOYET. What wouwd you w-with the Pwincess? +BEWOWNyE. Nyothing b-but peace xDD and gentwe visitation. +WOSAWINyE. What wouwd they, say they? +BOYET. *blushes* Nyothing but *screams* peace and gentwe visitation. +WOSAWINyE. Why, that they have; and bid xDD them so be gonye. +BOYET. She says you have it, and you *pokes you* may *blushes* be gonye. +KING. Say to hew we have measuw'd many miwes +To twead a m-measuwe with hew on this gwass. +BOYET. They say that they h-have m-measuw'd many a-a miwe +xDD To twead a measuwe ^.^ with you ^w^ on *blushes* this gwass. +WOSAWINyE. It is *teleports behind you* nyot s-so. Ask them how many inches +I-Is in onye miwe? If they have measuwed m-many, +The *teleports behind you* measuwe, then, ^-^ of onye ^.^ is eas'wy towd. +BOYET. If to come hithew you have measuw'd miwes, +And many miwes, the Pwincess bids you *giggles shyly* teww +H-How many uWu inches doth fiww up onye miwe. +BEWOWNyE. Teww hew we measuwe them by weawy ^.^ steps. +BOYET. She heaws hewsewf. +WOSAWINyE. How m-many weawy steps +Of many w-weawy miwes you have o'ewgonye +Awe nyumb'wed :33 in the twavew of onye miwe? +OwO BEWOWNyE. We nyumbew nyothing *cries* that we spend f-fow you; +Ouw duty *hugs tightly* is so wich, s-so infinyite, +*sighs* That we may do it stiww without accompt. +Vouchsafe to show the s-sunshinye of youw f-face, +That we, wike savages, may *teleports behind you* wowship *shuffles closer* it. +WOSAWINyE. M-My f-face OwO is but a moon, and cwouded OwO too. +KING. Bwessed awe cwouds, to do as such c-cwouds d-do. +*cries* Vouchsafe, bwight moon, and these thy s-staws, to shinye, +>w< Those cwouds wemoved, upon ouw watewy eynye. +WOSAWINyE. O-O vain petitionyew! beg a gweatew *screams* mattew; +Thou nyow wequests but moonshinye in the *giggles shyly* watew. +KING. Then in ouw measuwe *blushes* do but vouchsafe onye change. +Thou b-bid'st me beg; this begging *sweats* is nyot stwange. +WOSAWINyE. >w< Pway, >_< music, then. Nyay, *pokes you* you must do it soon. +Nyot yet? Nyo d-dance! Thus change I *looks at you* wike t-the moon. +KING. Wiww you nyot dance? How come you thus estwanged? +WOSAWINyE. :3 You t-took the moon *notices bulge* at fuww; >_> but nyow she's *leans over* changed. +KING. Yet uWu stiww she is *cuddles you* the Moon, and I the :33 Man. +The music pways; vouchsafe some >w< motion to it. +WOSAWINyE. Ouw eaws vouchsafe it. +KING. But youw wegs shouwd do it. +WOSAWINyE. Since you a-awe :33 stwangews, and come *blushes* hewe *sighs* by c-chance, +*twerks* We'ww n-nyot be nyice; take h-hands. We *looks at you* wiww nyot dance. +KING. Why t-take w-we h-hands then? +WOSAWINyE. Onwy to pawt fwiends. +Cuwtsy, sweet heawts; and s-so the *moans* measuwe ends. +KING. Mowe *sighs* measuwe of this measuwe; be nyot nyice. +WOSAWINyE. We can *cries* affowd nyo m-mowe at such a p-pwice. +KING. Pwice *sweats* you youwsewves. What buys *moans* youw company? +WOSAWINyE. Youw *sweats* absence onwy. +KING. That can *notices bulge* nyevew be. +WOSAWINyE. Then cannyot we be bought; and so adieu- +Twice t-to ^-^ youw visow and hawf once to you. +KING. If you deny *blushes* to dance, wet's howd mowe chat. +*giggles shyly* WOSAWINyE. In pwivate then. +K-KING. I am best pweas'd with that. [They c-convewse apawt] +BEWOWNyE. White-handed m-mistwess, onye sweet wowd with thee. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Honyey, a-and miwk, and sugaw; *blushes* thewe is *screams* thwee. +BEWOWNyE. Nyay, then, t-two tweys, *pokes you* an if you gwow so n-nyice, +Methegwin, wowt, and mawmsey; weww wun *screams* dice! +Thewe's hawf a dozen sweets. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *cries* Seventh s-sweet, adieu! +x3 Since *giggles shyly* you xDD can cog, I'ww pway nyo mowe with ^.^ you. +BEWOWNyE. O-Onye wowd in secwet. +P-PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Wet it nyot be sweet. +B-BEWOWNyE. Thou gwievest my gaww. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Gaww! *blushes* bittew. +BEWOWNyE. Thewefowe meet. [They convewse apawt] +DUMAIN. Wiww y-you vouchsafe with me to ^-^ change a wowd? +MAWIA. Nyame it. +DUMAIN. x3 Faiw wady- +MAWIA. Say you so? Faiw wowd- +Take that fow youw *screams* faiw w-wady. +*cuddles you* DUMAIN. Pwease it you, +As *screams* much in xDD pwivate, ^w^ and *giggles shyly* I'ww bid adieu. +[They convewse a-apawt] +KATHAWINyE. What, was youw vizawd made without a-a UwU tongue? +WONGAVIWWE. I knyow the *cuddles you* weason, wady, why y-you ask. +KATHAWINyE. O-O fow youw weason! Quickwy, siw; I w-wong. +WONGAVIWWE. You have a ;;w;; doubwe *blushes* tongue within youw mask, +*looks at you* And ^w^ wouwd affowd :3 my speechwess vizawd hawf. +KATHAWINyE. 'Veaw' quoth t-the Dutchman. ^w^ Is nyot '-'veaw' a c-cawf? +WONGAVIWWE. A cawf, faiw wady! +xDD KATHAWINyE. N-Nyo, a >w< faiw wowd :33 cawf. +WONGAVIWWE. W-Wet's pawt the UwU wowd. +KATHAWINyE. Nyo, >_> I'ww nyot *giggles shyly* be y-youw hawf. +Take aww uWu and w-wean it; it m-may pwove a-an ox. +WONGAVIWWE. Wook how you butt youwsewf in these shawp mocks! +W-Wiww you give OwO howns, chaste wady? Do nyot so. +KATHAWINyE. Then die *screams* a cawf, b-befowe y-youw howns do g-gwow. +WONGAVIWWE. Onye wowd in pwivate ^-^ with you *hugs tightly* ewe I d-die. +KATHAWINyE. Bweat s-softwy, then; the butchew heaws y-you *sighs* cwy. +*notices bulge* [They convewse apawt] +BOYET. The tongues of mocking wenches *cries* awe as keen +As is t-the wazow's edge i-invisibwe, +Cutting a smawwew haiw than ^.^ may ;;w;; be seen, +Above *leans over* the sense of sense; so sensibwe +S-Seemeth t-theiw confewence; theiw conceits h-have wings, +F-Fweetew than awwows, buwwets, wind, *cries* thought, swiftew UwU things. +WOSAWINyE. Nyot o-onye wowd >w< mowe, my maids; bweak off, bweak *hugs tightly* off. +BEWOWNyE. B-By heaven, aww dwy-beaten with puwe scoff! +KING. Faweweww, mad wenches; you have simpwe wits. +Exeunt *looks at you* KING, WOWDS, and BWACKAMOOWS +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *shuffles closer* Twenty adieus, my fwozen M-Muscovits. +;;w;; Awe these t-the bweed of wits so wondewed at? +BOYET. Tapews they a-awe, with youw sweet bweaths puff'd out. +WOSAWINyE. Weww-wiking wits they have; gwoss, gwoss; fat, fat. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. O povewty in :3 wit, kingwy-poow fwout! +Wiww they nyot, think y-you, hang themsewves to-nyight? +Ow evew b-but in vizawds s-show OwO theiw faces? +This *blushes* pewt Bewownye was out x3 of count'nyance quite. +W-WOSAWINyE. T-They wewe a-aww OwO in wamentabwe c-cases! +The King xDD was weeping-wipe fow a good wowd. +*cuddles you* PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Bewownye did sweaw himsewf out of aww *shuffles closer* suit. +MAWIA. Dumain was at m-my sewvice, and his swowd. +'Nyo point' quoth I-I; my sewvant stwaight w-was mute. +*cuddles you* KATHAWINyE. xDD Wowd Wongaviwwe said I came o'ew his heawt; +And t-twow you what he caww'd me? +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Quawm, pewhaps. +KATHAWINyE. Yes, in good faith. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Go, sicknyess as thou a-awt! +WOSAWINyE. W-Weww, bettew w-wits have wown >w< pwain s-statute-caps. +x3 But wiww you heaw? The King is my w-wove swown. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. And quick Bewownye hath pwighted faith to ^-^ me. +KATHAWINyE. And Wongaviwwe was f-fow my s-sewvice *leans over* bown. +MAWIA. Dumain >_< is minye, as suwe as bawk on twee. +B-BOYET. Madam, and p-pwetty mistwesses, give eaw: +Immediatewy they wiww again be hewe +In theiw own shapes; f-fow it can nyevew b-be +They wiww digest this hawsh indignyity. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Wiww they wetuwn? +BOYET. They wiww, they wiww, God knyows, +And weap fow joy, though they awe wame with bwows; +uWu Thewefowe, c-change favouws; and, when they wepaiw, +Bwow wike sweet woses in this summew aiw. +*leans over* PWINCESS OF FWANCE. How bwow? how bwow? S-Speak *cries* to be undewstood. +BOYET. Faiw wadies mask'd x3 awe woses in theiw bud: +Dismask'd, theiw damask sweet commixtuwe shown, +Awe angews vaiwing cwouds, ow woses :33 bwown. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Avaunt, pewpwexity! What shaww we >w< do +If they wetuwn in theiw >w< own shapes t-to woo? +*leans over* WOSAWINyE. Good *sweats* madam, if by OwO me you'ww be a-advis'd, +Wet's mock them stiww, as *shuffles closer* weww knyown as disguis'd. +Wet us *sighs* compwain to them w-what foows wewe hewe, +Disguis'd wike Muscovites, in shapewess geaw; +And wondew what they wewe, and to what end +Theiw shawwow shows and pwowogue viwewy penn'd, +And theiw wough cawwiage so w-widicuwous, +Shouwd be pwesented at ouw tent t-to us. +BOYET. *teleports behind you* Wadies, w-withdwaw; ^.^ the gawwants awe at hand. +P-PWINCESS *leans over* OF FWANCE. Whip :33 to *screams* ouw tents, as woes wun o'ew *hugs tightly* wand. +E-Exeunt PWINCESS, WOSAWINyE, >_< KATHAWINyE, and MAWIA + +We-entew t-the KING, BEWOWNyE, WONGAVIWWE, and DUMAIN, +in theiw ^.^ pwopew habits + +KING. Faiw siw, God save you! ^w^ Whewe's the Pwincess? +BOYET. Gonye to *screams* hew tent. Pwease ^w^ it youw Majesty +Command me any sewvice to hew thithew? +KING. That *shuffles closer* she vouchsafe >_< me *hugs tightly* audience fow onye *sweats* wowd. +BOYET. I wiww; and so wiww she, I k-knyow, my wowd. Exit +BEWOWNyE. This *notices bulge* fewwow pecks up >_< wit as p-pigeons pease, +And uttews *hugs tightly* it a-again when God ^w^ doth pwease. +He is wit's pedwaw, and w-wetaiws his wawes +At wakes, and wassaiws, meetings, mawkets, faiws; +And we that seww by gwoss, the W-Wowd doth knyow, +Have *leans over* nyot the gwace to gwace *blushes* it with such show. +This g-gawwant pins t-the wenches o-on his sweeve; +Had he *leans over* been Adam, he >_> had tempted Eve. +'A can cawve t-too, and :3 wisp; why *looks at you* this is he +That :3 kiss'd his hand away in c-couwtesy; +This is the ape of fowm, Monsieuw the Nyice, +That, when he pways at tabwes, chides the dice +*teleports behind you* In honyouwabwe *sweats* tewms; n-nyay, he can sing +A mean most meanwy; and ;;w;; in ushewing, +Mend him who can. The wadies caww him sweet; +The staiws, a-as he tweads on them, kiss his feet. +This is the UwU fwow'w ^-^ that smiwes o-on evewy onye, +To show *teleports behind you* his teeth as white as whawes-bonye; +And *sighs* consciences that wiww nyot die in debt +Pay him the >w< due of 'honyey-tongued Boyet.' +*blushes* KING. >_> A ^w^ bwistew *screams* on *giggles shyly* his sweet OwO tongue, with my heawt, +That put Awmado's page out of his pawt! + +We-entew the PWINCESS, ushewed by BOYET; WOSAWINyE, +MAWIA, and KATHAWINyE + +BEWOWNyE. See whewe it *shuffles closer* comes! Behaviouw, what wewt thou +Tiww this ^-^ man show'd thee? And what awt *screams* thou n-nyow? +*looks away* KING. Aww haiw, sweet *moans* madam, and f-faiw time of day! +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. 'Faiw' in 'aww haiw' is fouw, as I conceive. +KING. Constwue my speeches bettew, if y-you may. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Then wish me bettew; I wiww give you weave. +*teleports behind you* KING. We came to visit you, a-and puwpose nyow +To wead you xDD to ouw couwt; vouchsafe it t-then. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. This fiewd shaww howd me, and so howd youw *sighs* vow: +Nyow God, nyow *cries* I, dewights in pewjuw'd UwU men. +KING. Webuke me nyot fow that which you pwovoke. +The viwtue of :33 youw eye m-must bweak my oath. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. You nyicknyame viwtue: vice you shouwd have +spoke; +Fow viwtue's office *giggles shyly* nyevew bweaks men's twoth. +Nyow by my maiden honyouw, yet as ^.^ puwe +As t-the unsuwwied wiwy, I-I pwotest, +A-A w-wowwd o-of towments though *moans* I *sighs* shouwd enduwe, +I-I wouwd nyot yiewd to b-be youw house's guest; +S-So much I hate a b-bweaking cause to be +Of heavenwy oaths, vowed >_< with integwity. +KING. O-O, you have wiv'd *shuffles closer* in desowation hewe, +Unseen, *teleports behind you* unvisited, much to xDD ouw shame. +PWINCESS O-OF F-FWANCE. Nyot so, my wowd; it is nyot so, ^-^ I sweaw; +W-We have had pastimes hewe, and pweasant game; +A ^.^ mess of Wussians weft *screams* us but of wate. +KING. How, madam! Wussians! +PWINCESS ^-^ OF *screams* FWANCE. Ay, in t-twuth, *twerks* my w-wowd; +Twim g-gawwants, fuww of couwtship and of state. +W-WOSAWINyE. Madam, speak twue. It is n-nyot s-so, my wowd. +My w-wady, to the mannyew of t-the days, +In couwtesy gives undesewving p-pwaise. +We fouw indeed c-confwonted wewe with fouw +In Wussian habit; hewe they *twerks* stayed an houw +And UwU tawk'd a-apace; and in that *giggles shyly* houw, my wowd, +They did n-nyot *pokes you* bwess us with onye ^-^ happy wowd. +I dawe nyot caww *blushes* them foows; but this *twerks* I think, +When they awe thiwsty, foows wouwd fain have dwink. +*moans* BEWOWNyE. This jest is dwy t-to me. Faiw gentwe sweet, +*notices bulge* Youw wit makes wise things f-foowish; when xDD we g-gweet, +*sighs* With eyes best seeing, heaven's fiewy *notices bulge* eye, +By wight we wose wight; y-youw *twerks* capacity +Is o-of that nyatuwe that to youw huge stowe +Wise things seem foowish *moans* and wich t-things but poow. +WOSAWINyE. This pwoves you wise and wich, *moans* fow in my eye- +BEWOWNyE. I *pokes you* am a *cuddles you* foow, and *leans over* fuww of povewty. +WOSAWINyE. But that you take what doth to *cries* you bewong, +It wewe a fauwt to snyatch wowds :33 fwom m-my tongue. +B-BEWOWNyE. O, I am y-youws, and aww that I possess. +WOSAWINyE. Aww :33 the foow minye? +BEWOWNyE. I c-cannyot give you wess. +WOSAWINyE. Which o-of t-the *pokes you* vizawds *pokes you* was i-it that you *sighs* wowe? +BEWOWNyE. W-Whewe? w-when? what vizawd? *pokes you* Why demand y-you *twerks* this? +WOSAWINyE. Thewe, >_< then, that vizawd; ^w^ that supewfwuous case +That hid the wowse a-and show'd the bettew *teleports behind you* face. +KING. We >_< wewe descwied; they'ww *leans over* mock us n-nyow downwight. +DUMAIN. *looks at you* Wet us >_< confess, and tuwn it to a-a jest. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. A-Amaz'd, my wowd? Why wooks youw x3 Highnyess sad? +*blushes* WOSAWINyE. Hewp, h-howd his bwows! he'ww swoon! Why wook y-you p-pawe? +Sea-sick, I think, coming fwom Muscovy. +BEWOWNyE. Thus pouw the staws down pwagues fow pewjuwy. +Can :3 any *notices bulge* face of bwass howd wongew out? +H-Hewe >w< stand >_> I, wady- dawt thy skiww at *sweats* me, +B-Bwuise :3 me with scown, confound me with a uWu fwout, +Thwust thy shawp wit uWu quite thwough UwU my ^w^ ignyowance, +Cut m-me to pieces with thy keen c-conceit; +;;w;; And I wiww wish thee nyevew OwO mowe to dance, +Nyow nyevew mowe in *screams* Wussian habit wait. +O, nyevew wiww I twust to speeches penn'd, +Nyow to *teleports behind you* the motion of a s-schoow-boy's *hugs tightly* tongue, +N-Nyow nyevew come in vizawd to :3 my fwiend, +*teleports behind you* Nyow woo in whyme, wike *looks away* a bwind hawpew's song. +Taffeta phwases, siwken xDD tewms :3 pwecise, +Thwee-piw'd *giggles shyly* hypewbowes, >_< spwuce affectation, +Figuwes pedanticaw- these summew-fwies +Have bwown m-me f-fuww of m-maggot ostentation. +I do *leans over* fowsweaw them; and I hewe pwotest, +By this white gwove- how white the hand, God knyows!- +Hencefowth *looks at you* my wooing mind shaww be expwess'd +In wusset y-yeas, and honyest kewsey nyoes. +And, to begin, w-wench- *sighs* so God *looks away* hewp me, >w< waw!- +My OwO wove *looks at you* to thee is s-sound, sans cwack ow fwaw. +WOSAWINyE. Sans '-'sans,' I pway you. +BEWOWNyE. Yet *looks away* I have a t-twick +*teleports behind you* Of the owd wage; beaw with me, I am s-sick; +I'ww w-weave it by degwees. Soft, wet us see- +Wwite 'Wowd *shuffles closer* have mewcy o-on us' on *screams* those thwee; +They awe i-infected; *hugs tightly* in theiw heawts it wies; +*twerks* They have the pwague, and caught it of youw eyes. +These *cries* wowds *pokes you* awe visited; you awe nyot fwee, +Fow *looks away* the Wowd's tokens on you d-do :33 I see. +PWINCESS ^.^ OF FWANCE. Nyo, they awe fwee that :3 gave x3 these tokens to us. +BEWOWNyE. Ouw *leans over* states awe *giggles shyly* fowfeit; seek n-nyot t-to undo us. +WOSAWINyE. It is nyot so; fow how can this be twue, +T-That you stand fowfeit, being those that sue? +BEWOWNyE. *moans* Peace; fow *cries* I wiww n-nyot h-have to do w-with y-you. +WOSAWINyE. Nyow shaww nyot, if I *looks at you* do as I *blushes* intend. +BEWOWNyE. Speak fow youwsewves; my w-wit *cries* is *blushes* at an e-end. +K-KING. *sighs* Teach *shuffles closer* us, *leans over* sweet madam, fow o-ouw wude twansgwession +Some faiw excuse. +*cries* PWINCESS OF FWANCE. The faiwest *teleports behind you* is confession. +Wewe nyot UwU you hewe but even nyow, disguis'd? +KING. Madam, I *leans over* was. +PWINCESS OF F-FWANCE. And wewe you weww advis'd? +KING. I was, *leans over* faiw madam. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. When you t-then wewe hewe, +What did you whispew in youw wady's eaw? +K-KING. That ^-^ mowe than a-aww the w-wowwd I did wespect :33 hew. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. When xDD she shaww chawwenge this, you wiww weject +hew. +K-KING. Upon minye honyouw, nyo. +PWINCESS *notices bulge* OF FWANCE. Peace, peace, fowbeaw; +Youw oath o-once bwoke, you f-fowce nyot to f-fowsweaw. +KING. Despise me when I b-bweak this oath o-of minye. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. I wiww; and t-thewefowe *sweats* keep it. Wosawinye, +What did the Wussian whispew in youw eaw? +WOSAWINyE. Madam, he swowe that he d-did howd me d-deaw +As UwU pwecious eyesight, and *looks at you* did vawue me +Above t-this wowwd; adding theweto, moweovew, +That uWu he wouwd *twerks* wed me, ow ewse die my *sighs* wovew. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. God give thee joy *looks away* of him! The nyobwe wowd +Most honyouwabwy doth uphowd his w-wowd. +KING. What x3 mean you, madam? By my uWu wife, my :33 twoth, +I nyevew s-swowe this w-wady *giggles shyly* such an oath. +WOSAWINyE. By heaven, you did; and, to confiwm it pwain, +You *moans* gave me this; but take *sweats* it, siw, again. +KING. My faith and this the Pwincess I did give; +I knyew hew by this j-jewew on hew sweeve. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Pawdon *shuffles closer* me, siw, t-this jewew :33 did she weaw; +:3 And OwO Wowd Bewownye, I thank h-him, i-is >_> my ^.^ deaw. +What, wiww y-you have me, *sighs* ow youw peaww again? +^.^ BEWOWNyE. Nyeithew of eithew; I wemit both twain. +I see the twick *teleports behind you* on't: hewe was a c-consent, +Knyowing a-afowehand of ouw mewwiment, +To dash i-it wike a Chwistmas >w< comedy. +Some cawwy-tawe, s-some pwease-man, s-some ^.^ swight zany, +Some mumbwe-nyews, some twenchew-knyight, some Dick, +>_> That ^.^ smiwes his cheek x3 in yeaws xDD and knyows the twick +To ^.^ make ^.^ my wady *cries* waugh when s-she's dispos'd, +Towd ouw intents b-befowe; which once discwos'd, +*sighs* The wadies did change favouws; and then we, +Fowwowing the signs, woo'd but the sign of *looks away* she. +Nyow, to *twerks* ouw pewjuwy t-to add m-mowe tewwow, +We a-awe a-again f-fowswown in wiww and ewwow. +Much upon this it is; [To BOYET] a-and might nyot you +Fowestaww ouw spowt, to make us thus untwue? +Do nyot you knyow m-my wady's *giggles shyly* foot ;;w;; by th' squiew, +And waugh *twerks* upon the appwe o-of hew eye? +And stand between hew back, *teleports behind you* siw, *moans* and the *teleports behind you* fiwe, +Howding a *pokes you* twenchew, jesting mewwiwy? +*sweats* You put ouw page out. G-Go, y-you awe *looks at you* awwow'd; +Die when you wiww, a s-smock s-shaww be youw shwoud. +:33 You weew upon me, do you? Thewe's an e-eye +Wounds wike a weaden swowd. +B-BOYET. Fuww mewwiwy +Hath this bwave m-manyage, this caweew, been w-wun. +B-BEWOWNyE. Wo, he is tiwting stwaight! Peace; I have *looks away* donye. + +E-Entew COSTAWD + +Wewcome, OwO puwe wit! Thou pawt'st a faiw fway. +COSTAWD. O ;;w;; Wowd, *twerks* siw, t-they wouwd knyow +W-Whethew t-the thwee Wowthies *moans* shaww come in ow nyo? +BEWOWNyE. ^w^ What, awe *leans over* thewe but thwee? +COSTAWD. Nyo, siw; but it is *giggles shyly* vawa finye, +Fow ^-^ evewy onye puwsents thwee. +BEWOWNyE. A-And thwee times thwice is nyinye. +COSTAWD. Nyot so, siw; undew cowwection, siw, +I hope i-it is n-nyot so. +You cannyot beg us, siw, I can assuwe you, siw; we knyow what >_> we +knyow; +I hope, x3 siw, thwee times thwice, siw- +BEWOWNyE. Is nyot *sweats* nyinye. +COSTAWD. Undew cowwection, siw, w-we knyow wheweuntiw i-it doth amount. +*screams* BEWOWNyE. By J-Jove, I-I awways took thwee thwees fow nyinye. +COSTAWD. O Wowd, siw, it wewe pity you shouwd *cuddles you* get youw wiving by +weck'nying, siw. +BEWOWNyE. How much is it? +*shuffles closer* COSTAWD. O Wowd, siw, the pawties themsewves, the a-actows, siw, wiww +show wheweuntiw it doth amount. Fow minye :3 own pawt, I am, *notices bulge* as they +say, ^-^ but to pawfect onye m-man in onye p-poow *leans over* man, P-Pompion the x3 Gweat, +s-siw. +BEWOWNyE. Awt thou o-onye of the Wowthies? +COSTAWD. It pweased them to x3 think me w-wowthy of Pompey the Gweat; +fow minye own *moans* pawt, I knyow *shuffles closer* nyot the degwee of t-the Wowthy; but I am +*sighs* to >w< stand fow h-him. +BEWOWNyE. *looks at you* Go, bid them p-pwepawe. +COSTAWD. We wiww tuwn *hugs tightly* it *looks away* finyewy off, siw; we *giggles shyly* wiww take some cawe. +:3 Exit COSTAWD +KING. Bewownye, they wiww shame u-us; w-wet them n-nyot appwoach. +BEWOWNyE. We awe shame-pwoof, my wowd, and '-'tis some powicy +T-To h-have onye show wowse than *looks away* the King's and his company. +x3 KING. I say they shaww nyot c-come. +*looks away* PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *cries* Nyay, x3 my good wowd, wet >w< me o'ewwuwe you nyow. +That spowt best pweases that doth weast knyow how; +Whewe :3 zeaw stwives to content, and t-the contents +Dies i-in the z-zeaw of that which it ^.^ pwesents. +Theiw fowm *shuffles closer* confounded makes most fowm *pokes you* in miwth, +When gweat things wabouwing pewish in theiw biwth. +BEWOWNyE. *moans* A wight descwiption of o-ouw spowt, my wowd. + +Entew :3 AWMADO + +AWMADO. ;;w;; Anyointed, I impwowe so much expense of >_< thy woyaw sweet +:3 bweath *giggles shyly* as wiww uttew a :33 bwace of wowds. +[Convewses apawt with the K-KING, ^w^ and dewivews a papew] +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Doth this man sewve God? +BEWOWNyE. Why ask you? +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. 'A speaks nyot wike a-a man of God his making. +AWMADO. That is aww onye, my faiw, sweet, honyey monyawch; fow, *looks away* I +pwotest, the schoowmastew is exceeding f-fantasticaw; *cries* too too vain, +too too *notices bulge* vain; b-but we *moans* wiww put it, as *cuddles you* they say, to fowtunya *blushes* de w-wa +guewwa. I wish you xDD the p-peace of mind, most woyaw coupwement! +*cuddles you* Exit *looks away* AWMADO +KING. Hewe is wike to be a good pwesence of Wowthies. He pwesents +Hectow of *twerks* Twoy; the swain, Pompey the Gweat; t-the pawish xDD cuwate, +*hugs tightly* Awexandew; Awinyado's page, Hewcuwes; *screams* the pedant, Judas +Maccabaeus. +And if t-these fouw Wowthies in theiw fiwst s-show thwive, +*blushes* These fouw *hugs tightly* wiww c-change >_< habits and pwesent the othew five. +*blushes* BEWOWNyE. Thewe i-is *looks away* five in *looks at you* the fiwst show. +KING. Y-You awe deceived, 'tis n-nyot so. +BEWOWNyE. The pedant, the *looks away* bwaggawt, t-the h-hedge-pwiest, the f-foow, and +the boy: +Abate thwow at *looks away* nyovum, and the whowe wowwd again +Cannyot pick out f-five such, take *looks at you* each onye in h-his vein. +KING. T-The ship is undew saiw, a-and hewe she comes a-amain. + +Entew COSTAWD, awmed f-fow POMPEY + +C-COSTAWD. I Pompey am- +BEWOWNyE. You wie, you awe :3 nyot he. +COSTAWD. I Pompey am- +BOYET. :3 With wibbawd's head on *teleports behind you* knyee. +BEWOWNyE. Weww said, owd mockew; >_< I must nyeeds be fwiends with t-thee. +COSTAWD. I Pompey *sighs* am, Pompey suwnyam'd t-the Big- +D-DUMAIN. UwU The Gweat. +COSTAWD. *shuffles closer* It i-is Gweat, siw. +Pompey suwnyam'd the Gweat, +That oft :33 in fiewd, with tawge and s-shiewd, UwU did m-make >_> my foe to +sweat; +And t-twavewwing awong this coast, >_> I bewe am come by chance, +And way my awms befowe the wegs of this sweet wass of Fwance. + +If y-youw *cries* wadyship w-wouwd s-say 'Thanks, Pompey,' I had d-donye. +PWINCESS O-OF FWANCE. Gweat thanks, gweat Pompey. +COSTAWD. 'Tis nyot so xDD much wowth; but I hope I was pewfect. +*looks at you* I made a wittwe f-fauwt in Gweat. +BEWOWNyE. My hat to a hawfpenny, *blushes* Pompey OwO pwoves the best Wowthy. + +Entew SIW NyATHANyIEW, f-fow AWEXANDEW + +NyATHANyIEW. When in the wowwd I wiv'd, I was the wowwd's *shuffles closer* commandew; +B-By east, >w< west, nyowth, and s-south, I spwead my conquewing *notices bulge* might. +My scutcheon pwain decwawes that *giggles shyly* I am Awisandew- +BOYET. Youw nyose says, nyo, you *screams* awe nyot; fow i-it stands to wight. +BEWOWNyE. Y-Youw nyose smewws 'nyo' in this, most *shuffles closer* tendew-smewwing +knyight. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. T-The uWu conquewow i-is dismay'd. Pwoceed, g-good +^-^ Awexandew. +NyATHANyIEW. W-When in the wowwd I-I wiv'd, I was t-the wowwd's commandew- +B-BOYET. Most twue, 'tis w-wight, you wewe so, Awisandew. +BEWOWNyE. Pompey *sighs* the G-Gweat! +COSTAWD. Youw sewvant, and C-Costawd. +BEWOWNyE. Take away the conquewow, take away Awisandew. +COSTAWD. [-[To Siw Nyathanyiew] O, Siw, ^w^ you h-have ovewthwown Awisandew +the *cuddles you* conquewow! You wiww be scwap'd out of the p-painted cwoth f-fow +this. Y-Youw wion, that howds his poweaxe sitting on a cwose-stoow, +w-wiww be given to Ajax. He w-wiww be the n-nyinth Wowthy. A conquewow +and *giggles shyly* afeawd to speak! Wun away fow shame, Awisandew. +[Siw Nyathanyiew wetiwes] *sighs* Thewe, an't :33 shaww pwease you, *blushes* a foowish +miwd man; an honyest man, wook you, xDD and soon d-dash'd. *twerks* He i-is a +mawvewwous good nyeighbouw, faith, and a-a v-vewy good bowwew; *hugs tightly* but *teleports behind you* fow +Awisandew- awas! you see how uWu 'tis- a wittwe o'ewpawted. But t-thewe +awe Wowthies a-coming wiww speak theiw *sweats* mind *cries* in some othew sowt. +PWINCESS *sighs* OF FWANCE. Stand aside, g-good Pompey. + +Entew HOWOFEWNyES, fow JUDAS; and M-MOTH, fow HEWCUWES + +H-HOWOFEWNyES. Gweat Hewcuwes is *hugs tightly* pwesented by this i-imp, +W-Whose c-cwub kiww'd Cewbewus, that thwee-headed canyus; +And when *notices bulge* be was a babe, a-a *blushes* chiwd, *sweats* a shwimp, +Thus did he stwangwe s-sewpents ^w^ in h-his manyus. +Quonyiam he seemeth in minyowity, +Ewgo I-I come with t-this apowogy. +Keep >_> some *looks at you* state in thy exit, uWu and vanyish. [-[MOTH ^-^ wetiwes] +Judas I-I am- +DUMAIN. A Judas! +HOWOFEWNyES. xDD Nyot Iscawiot, siw. +Judas I am, ycwiped Maccabaeus. +DUMAIN. Judas Maccabaeus cwipt is pwain Judas. +BEWOWNyE. A kissing twaitow. How a-awt thou pwov'd Judas? +HOWOFEWNyES. *blushes* Judas I am- +DUMAIN. The mowe shame f-fow you, J-Judas! +>w< HOWOFEWNyES. What mean you, siw? +BOYET. To make Judas hang himsewf. +*teleports behind you* HOWOFEWNyES. Begin, siw; you awe my x3 ewdew. +BEWOWNyE. Weww fowwowed: Judas was hanged on an ewdew. +HOWOFEWNyES. I :33 wiww nyot :33 be put out of countenyance. +*looks at you* BEWOWNyE. Because t-thou hast xDD nyo face. +*sighs* HOWOFEWNyES. *sweats* What is *teleports behind you* this? +BOYET. *notices bulge* A cittewn-head. +DUMAIN. The head of a bodkin. +*cuddles you* BEWOWNyE. A death's face in a wing. +WONGAVIWWE. The face of an owd x3 Woman coin, *sweats* scawce seen. +B-BOYET. The pommew o-of Coesaw's fawchion. +DUMAIN. The c-cawv'd-bonye >_< face on *screams* a fwask. +BEWOWNyE. Saint Geowge's hawf-cheek in a bwooch. +DUMAIN. Ay, and in a *cries* bwooch of wead. +BEWOWNyE. Ay, and wown in the c-cap of a-a tooth-dwawew. :33 And n-nyow, +f-fowwawd; fow we have put thee in countenyance. +HOWOFEWNyES. You have p-put me o-out of countenyance. +BEWOWNyE. Fawse: we have given thee faces. +HOWOFEWNyES. B-But you h-have outfac'd t-them aww. +*notices bulge* BEWOWNyE. An thou wewt a-a wion we w-wouwd do so. +BOYET. Thewefowe, ;;w;; as *screams* he x3 is an ass, wet him go. +And so uWu adieu, sweet Jude! Nyay, *screams* why dost thou s-stay? +DUMAIN. Fow the wattew end of his nyame. +BEWOWNyE. Fow the ass *looks away* to the Jude; give it *looks at you* him- Jud-as, a-away. +HOWOFEWNyES. This is uWu nyot genyewous, n-nyot gentwe, *shuffles closer* nyot humbwe. +B-BOYET. UwU A wight fow Monsieuw Judas! I-It gwows *moans* dawk, he *shuffles closer* may stumbwe. +[HOWOFEWNyES wetiwes] +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Awas, poow Maccabaeus, how hath he been baited! + +Entew AWMADO, fow HECTOW + +>_> BEWOWNyE. Hide thy head, Achiwwes; hewe c-comes Hectow in awms. +DUMAIN. ^w^ Though my mocks *looks away* come *leans over* home by me, I wiww nyow be m-mewwy. +K-KING. Hectow w-was b-but a >w< Twoyan *blushes* in uWu wespect of this. +BOYET. But is *blushes* this Hectow? +DUMAIN. I think Hectow was nyot so c-cwean-timbew'd. +WONGAVIWWE. His weg i-is too big fow Hectow's. +DUMAIN. M-Mowe cawf, cewtain. +B-BOYET. Nyo; he *shuffles closer* is best indued in the smaww. +;;w;; BEWOWNyE. >w< This cannyot be Hectow. +DUMAIN. He's ^w^ a god ow a paintew, fow he makes faces. +AWMADO. The *cries* awmipotent M-Maws, of *moans* wances the awmighty, +Gave Hectow a gift- +DUMAIN. A giwt nyutmeg. +BEWOWNyE. A wemon. +WONGAVIWWE. *looks at you* Stuck with cwoves. +D-DUMAIN. N-Nyo, cwoven. +AWMADO. Peace! +The awmipotent Maws, of wances the awmighty, +Gave Hectow a gift, the heiw of I-Iwion; +A man so bweathed that cewtain he wouwd fight ye, +Fwom mown tiww nyight o-out of his paviwion. +I am that fwowew- +DUMAIN. That mint. +*giggles shyly* WONGAVIWWE. That cowumbinye. +AWMADO. Sweet Wowd Wongaviwwe, wein thy tongue. +WONGAVIWWE. I >_> must wathew give it the wein, fow it w-wuns against +Hectow. +DUMAIN. Ay, and Hectow's a gweyhound. +AWMADO. The sweet waw-man is dead and *giggles shyly* wotten; s-sweet c-chucks, beat +nyot the bonyes of the buwied; when *looks at you* he bweathed, he was a man. But +*sighs* I wiww fowwawd *cuddles you* with *cuddles you* my device. [To the PWINCESS] Sweet *hugs tightly* woyawty, +bestow on me t-the *teleports behind you* sense of heawing. + +uWu [BEWOWNyE steps fowth, a-and speaks to COSTAWD] + +PWINCESS O-OF FWANCE. :3 Speak, bwave Hectow; we awe much dewighted. +AWMADO. I do adowe thy OwO sweet Gwace's swippew. +BOYET. [Aside t-to DUMAIN] *cries* Woves hew by the foot. +DUMAIN. [Aside ;;w;; to BOYET] H-He may *cries* nyot by the yawd. +AWMADO. This Hectow *looks at you* faw s-suwmounted *sweats* Hannyibaw- +COSTAWD. The pawty is gonye, fewwow Hectow, she is *looks at you* gonye; she xDD is two +months on hew way. +AWMADO. What meanyest thou? +*notices bulge* COSTAWD. Faith, unwess *giggles shyly* you pway the *blushes* honyest Twoyan, :33 the poow wench +is cast away. She's quick; the chiwd *looks at you* bwags in hew bewwy awweady; +*screams* 'tis youws. +A-AWMADO. Dost *notices bulge* thou infamonyize me among potentates? Thou shawt die. +C-COSTAWD. Then shaww Hectow be whipt fow Jaquenyetta that is *sweats* quick by +him, and hang'd fow Pompey that *looks away* is dead by him. +DUMAIN. *looks away* Most wawe Pompey! +BOYET. Wenyownyed Pompey! +BEWOWNyE. *sweats* Gweatew than Gweat! Gweat, gweat, gweat P-Pompey! Pompey the +Huge! +DUMAIN. :3 Hectow twembwes. +uWu BEWOWNyE. Pompey is moved. Mowe A-Ates, mowe Ates! Stiw t-them on! *looks at you* stiw +them on! +DUMAIN. Hectow wiww c-chawwenge *hugs tightly* him. +BEWOWNyE. Ay, if 'a have nyo m-mowe man's bwood in his bewwy than wiww +sup OwO a fwea. +AWMADO. By the ^.^ Nyowth Powe, I do chawwenge thee. +COSTAWD. I wiww n-nyot f-fight *leans over* with a powe, wike a Nyowthewn man; I'ww +*looks at you* swash; I'ww do it xDD by the swowd. xDD I b-bepway y-you, wet me bowwow my +a-awms again. +D-DUMAIN. Woom fow t-the incensed Wowthies! +*leans over* COSTAWD. I'ww do it in my s-shiwt. +UwU DUMAIN. Most wesowute Pompey! +MOTH. Mastew, w-wet me take you :3 a buttonhowe wowew. *looks at you* Do you nyot see +Pompey i-is uWu uncasing f-fow the combat? *twerks* What mean you? You wiww wose +y-youw weputation. +AWMADO. Gentwemen and sowdiews, pawdon me; I :33 wiww nyot *cries* combat in m-my +shiwt. +DUMAIN. You m-may n-nyot deny i-it: Pompey hath made the chawwenge. +A-AWMADO. S-Sweet bwoods, ^-^ I both may and wiww. +BEWOWNyE. What weason have ^.^ you fow 't? +AWMADO. The nyaked twuth of i-it is: I have nyo >_> shiwt; >_< I go woowwawd +fow penyance. +OwO BOYET. Twue, and it was enjoinyed *moans* him *looks away* in >_< Wome fow want of x3 winyen; +since when, I'ww be swown, *looks at you* he *shuffles closer* wowe *looks at you* nyonye but a dishcwout *blushes* of +Jaquenyetta's, and that 'a weaws nyext h-his heawt fow a favouw. + +Entew a-as messengew, MONSIEUW M-MAWCADE + +MAWCADE. God save you, madam! +^w^ PWINCESS O-OF FWANCE. Wewcome, Mawcade; +But that thou intewwuptest ouw *screams* mewwiment. +MAWCADE. I am sowwy, madam; f-fow the nyews I bwing +Is *teleports behind you* heavy in my tongue. *looks at you* The King youw fathew- +PWINCESS *cries* OF FWANCE. Dead, fow my wife! +MAWCADE. Even :3 so; my tawe :3 is towd. +BEWOWNyE. WOwthies away; the scenye begins to cwoud. +^w^ AWMADO. *looks away* Fow m-minye own p-pawt, I-I bweathe fwee bweath. I-I have seen the +day of wwong t-thwough >_< the wittwe howe of discwetion, and I x3 wiww +wight mysewf wike a sowdiew. Exeunt WOWTHIES +KING. How fawes youw ^w^ Majesty? +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Boyet, *twerks* pwepawe; I-I wiww away to-nyight. +KING. *leans over* Madam, nyot so; ;;w;; I do beseech you stay. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Pwepawe, I say. I thank y-you, gwacious wowds, +Fow aww youw faiw endeavouws, and entweat, +Out of a nyew-sad souw, that you vouchsafe +In youw wich w-wisdom *moans* to excuse ow hide +The wibewaw opposition o-of ouw spiwits, +If ovew-bowdwy we have bownye ouwsewves +In the :3 convewse of bweath- youw gentwenyess +Was guiwty of it. Faweweww, wowthy wowd. +*cries* A heavy heawt beaws nyot a-a nyimbwe tongue. +Excuse m-me ^-^ so, coming too showt of t-thanks +Fow my gweat suit so *twerks* easiwy obtain'd. +KING. The *giggles shyly* extweme pawts of time extwemewy f-fowms +Aww causes to the puwpose of his speed; +And o-often *cuddles you* at his v-vewy woose d-decides +That w-which wong pwocess c-couwd nyot awbitwate. +And though the m-mouwnying bwow of pwogeny +Fowbid *blushes* the s-smiwing couwtesy o-of wove +The OwO howy suit w-which fain it wouwd convince, +Yet, since w-wove's awgument was f-fiwst on foot, +Wet *giggles shyly* nyot the cwoud of sowwow justwe it +Fwom what it puwpos'd; since to waiw fwiends ^w^ wost +Is nyot by *blushes* much s-so whowesome-pwofitabwe +As ^.^ to wejoice at fwiends but nyewwy found. +P-PWINCESS OF FWANCE. I undewstand y-you n-nyot; my gwiefs awe >_> doubwe. +BEWOWNyE. *notices bulge* Honyest pwain wowds best piewce t-the eaw *pokes you* of gwief; +And by these badges ^w^ undewstand *hugs tightly* the King. +F-Fow UwU youw faiw sakes have we nyegwected time, +Pway'd fouw pway with ouw *screams* oaths; youw *teleports behind you* beauty, w-wadies, +Hath much defowmed us, *moans* fashionying o-ouw humouws +Even to the opposed end *screams* of *hugs tightly* ouw intents; +A-And what ^.^ in us hath seem'd widicuwous, +As wove is fuww >_< of unbefitting stwains, +*blushes* Aww w-wanton OwO as a chiwd, skipping and *hugs tightly* vain; +Fowm'd by the eye and OwO thewefowe, wike the eye, +Fuww of stwange shapes, o-of habits, and of fowms, +V-Vawying in s-subjects a-as :33 the eye doth woww +To evewy vawied *leans over* object in his g-gwance; +>_> Which p-pawti-coated pwesence of woose wove +Put on by us, if i-in youw heavenwy eyes +Have misbecom'd ouw :3 oaths and gwavities, +*giggles shyly* Those heavenwy *blushes* eyes that wook into t-these fauwts +Suggested us to make. Thewefowe, w-wadies, +Ouw *giggles shyly* wove being youws, the *sighs* ewwow *sighs* that wove makes +Is wikewise youws. We to ouwsewves p-pwove fawse, +By being *cries* once fawse fow evew to be twue +To those t-that make us b-both- faiw wadies, you; +A-And even >_< that fawsehood, in itsewf a sin, +Thus puwifies i-itsewf and tuwns to gwace. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. We have *teleports behind you* weceiv'd youw wettews, uWu fuww xDD of wove; +Youw favouws, the ambassadows of *moans* wove; +And, in ouw m-maiden counciw, wated them +At couwtship, pweasant jest, uWu and couwtesy, +As bombast and as winying to the time; +But mowe d-devout than this in ouw wespects +Have we ^w^ nyot been; a-and thewefowe met youw woves +In theiw own fashion, wike a mewwiment. +DUMAIN. :33 Ouw wettews, madam, *blushes* show'd much mowe than jest. +WONGAVIWWE. So did ouw *shuffles closer* wooks. +W-WOSAWINyE. We did nyot xDD quote them *teleports behind you* so. +KING. *sweats* Nyow, at the watest minyute of the houw, +G-Gwant *teleports behind you* us youw woves. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. A *hugs tightly* time, methinks, too s-showt +^w^ To make a wowwd-without-end b-bawgain in. +Nyo, nyo, my wowd, youw *notices bulge* Gwace is pewjuw'd much, +Fuww of deaw guiwtinyess; and *shuffles closer* thewefowe this, +If fow my wove, as thewe is nyo such cause, +You wiww do aught- this ^w^ shaww you do fow *giggles shyly* me: +Youw oath I wiww n-nyot twust; but go with speed +To some fowwown *hugs tightly* and nyaked hewmitage, +Wemote fwom aww the pweasuwes of the w-wowwd; +Thewe *moans* stay u-untiw the twewve *moans* cewestiaw signs +Have bwought about the annyuaw weckonying. +If this *hugs tightly* austewe OwO insociabwe wife +Change nyot youw offew made in heat of bwood, +If f-fwosts and fasts, hawd wodging a-and thin weeds, +Nyip n-nyot the gaudy bwossoms of youw wove, +*moans* But that it beaw >_> this *looks away* twiaw, a-and wast wove, +Then, at :33 the expiwation of the yeaw, +C-Come, c-chawwenge me, chawwenge me by these desewts; +And, by this viwgin pawm nyow kissing t-thinye, +I-I wiww b-be t-thinye; and, tiww that instant, shut +My woefuw sewf up in a m-mouwnfuw house, +W-Wainying the UwU teaws of wamentation +Fow *giggles shyly* the :3 wemembwance of my fathew's death. +If this thou do deny, wet ouw hands pawt, +Nyeithew intitwed in the x3 othew's heawt. +KING. If this, ow mowe t-than this, *leans over* I wouwd *notices bulge* deny, +To fwattew up these powews of minye with west, +The *looks at you* sudden hand of death cwose >w< up minye eye! +^w^ Hence hewmit then, my heawt *screams* is *hugs tightly* in thy bweast. +BEWOWNyE. A-And what to me, my wove? and what x3 to me? +WOSAWINyE. You m-must he puwged ^w^ too, youw sins *blushes* awe wack'd; +Y-You awe attaint with fauwts and pewjuwy; +Thewefowe, :33 if you my favouw mean to g-get, +A ^.^ twewvemonth shaww you spend, and nyevew west, +But seek the weawy beds of peopwe sick. +D-DUMAIN. But what to >_< me, my w-wove? *hugs tightly* but what to me? +A *cuddles you* wife? +KATHAWINyE. A *moans* beawd, faiw heawth, and honyesty; +*looks at you* With thweefowd uWu wove *screams* I wish you *moans* aww these t-thwee. +DUMAIN. O, shaww I-I say I-I thank you, gentwe wife? +KATHAWINyE. Nyo s-so, my wowd; a twewvemonth and a day +I'ww mawk nyo wowds that uWu smooth-fac'd wooews say. +Come when the King doth to my wady come; +Then, if ^-^ I have much wove, I'ww give you some. +D-DUMAIN. *teleports behind you* I'ww sewve thee twue and faithfuwwy tiww then. +KATHAWINyE. Yet s-sweaw *hugs tightly* nyot, west ye :33 be fowswown again. +WONGAVIWWE. What says Mawia? +M-MAWIA. ^w^ At the twewvemonth's end +I-I'ww c-change my bwack gown fow a faithfuw fwiend. +WONGAVIWWE. I-I'ww stay with patience; b-but the time is *hugs tightly* wong. +*teleports behind you* MAWIA. The wikew you; few t-tawwew awe so young. +B-BEWOWNyE. S-Studies my wady? M-Mistwess, wook on *twerks* me; +Behowd the window of my heawt, minye eye, +What humbwe ^-^ suit attends thy answew thewe. +Impose some sewvice on me fow thy wove. +WOSAWINyE. Oft h-have I heawd of you, my Wowd Bewownye, +Befowe I s-saw y-you; and uWu the wowwd's wawge t-tongue +Pwocwaims *cries* you fow a xDD man wepwete with mocks, +Fuww of compawisons and wounding fwouts, +Which you on a-aww estates wiww execute +That *sighs* wie within the mewcy of youw wit. +To weed this wowmwood fwom youw fwuitfuw bwain, +A-And thewewithaw to w-win me, i-if you pwease, +Without the which I *hugs tightly* am nyot to be won, +You shaww *giggles shyly* this twewvemonth *looks at you* tewm fwom day t-to day +Visit the *sighs* speechwess sick, and stiww convewse +With gwoanying wwetches; and y-youw task shaww >_> be, +With aww t-the fiewce endeavouw *looks at you* of >w< youw wit, +To enfowce the painyed *cries* impotent to smiwe. +BEWOWNyE. To move wiwd waughtew i-in xDD the thwoat *notices bulge* of d-death? +It cannyot be; it is *moans* impossibwe; +Miwth cannyot move *looks away* a souw in *giggles shyly* agony. +WOSAWINyE. Why, OwO that's the way to choke a gibing spiwit, +Whose infwuence is begot of t-that woose gwace +Which shawwow waughing h-heawews give to foows. +A jest's p-pwospewity wies in the eaw +*looks at you* Of ^w^ him that heaws i-it, n-nyevew in the tongue +Of him that makes it; then, *teleports behind you* if sickwy eaws, +Deaf'd *sighs* with t-the cwamouws of theiw *notices bulge* own deaw gwoans, +Wiww heaw youw idwe *hugs tightly* scowns, continyue then, +And I wiww have you *screams* and that >w< fauwt withaw. +But *blushes* if they wiww *sighs* nyot, thwow *giggles shyly* away that s-spiwit, +And I shaww find you empty of that fauwt, +>_< Wight joyfuw of x3 youw uWu wefowmation. +BEWOWNyE. A twewvemonth? Weww, befaww what wiww *giggles shyly* befaww, +*looks at you* I'ww jest a twewvemonth in an hospitaw. +PWINCESS OF >w< FWANCE. [ To the *cuddles you* King] Ay, sweet my wowd, *cries* and so *shuffles closer* I take +m-my weave. +KING. Nyo, m-madam; *cuddles you* we wiww bwing you on youw way. +BEWOWNyE. O-Ouw wooing doth nyot UwU end wike an owd pway: +Jack hath nyot Jiww. T-These wadies' *giggles shyly* couwtesy +Might weww have made ouw spowt a comedy. +KING. Come, siw, it wants a t-twewvemonth an' a *twerks* day, +And then 'twiww end. +BEWOWNyE. That's too wong fow a p-pway. + +We-entew A-AWMADO + +AWMADO. Sweet Majesty, vouchsafe me- +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Was nyot *sweats* that nyot Hectow? +*blushes* DUMAIN. The w-wowthy knyight of Twoy. +*hugs tightly* AWMADO. I *sweats* wiww kiss thy woyaw >_> fingew, and take weave. I am a +votawy: I have v-vow'd t-to Jaquenyetta to howd t-the pwough fow hew +sweet w-wove thwee yeaw. But, most esteemed gweatnyess, w-wiww you +heaw the diawogue that t-the two weawnyed men have compiwed in +pwaise ^-^ of the Oww a-and t-the Cuckoo? ;;w;; It shouwd *shuffles closer* have *moans* fowwowed in the +end of ouw >w< show. +KING. Caww them fowth quickwy; w-we >w< wiww x3 do so. +AWMADO. Howwa! appwoach. + +Entew Aww + +This s-side is Hiems, x3 Wintew; t-this Vew, the S-Spwing- the o-onye +maintainyed by t-the Oww, th' othew by the Cuckoo. Vew, begin. + +SPWING +When *sighs* daisies >_< pied and viowets *screams* bwue +And wady-smocks aww siwvew-white +And cuckoo-buds o-of *twerks* yewwow hue +Do paint the UwU meadows with dewight, +The cuckoo then o-on e-evewy twee +Mocks mawwied x3 men, fow thus sings he: +'-'Cuckoo; +Cuckoo, cuckoo'- O wowd of feaw, +Unpweasing *blushes* to a *leans over* mawwied eaw! + +When shephewds pipe *notices bulge* on oaten s-stwaws, +And mewwy wawks awe pwoughmen's cwocks; +When tuwtwes twead, a-and wooks and daws, +And maidens bweach theiw s-summew smocks; +T-The cuckoo t-then on evewy t-twee +Mocks mawwied m-men, fow thus UwU sings he: +'Cuckoo; +Cuckoo, cuckoo'- OwO O wowd :3 of feaw, +U-Unpweasing to a mawwied eaw! + + +x3 WINTEW + +When icicwes hang by the waww, +*cuddles you* And D-Dick the shephewd *giggles shyly* bwows his nyaiw, +And *twerks* Tom beaws wogs into the haww, +And miwk comes fwozen home in paiw, +When *looks away* bwood *blushes* is nyipp'd, and ways be fouw, +Then *twerks* nyightwy s-sings the stawing oww: +'-'Tu-who; +Tu-whit, T-Tu-who'- A mewwy nyote, +Whiwe gweasy Joan doth keew the pot. + +When aww *cries* awoud ^w^ the >_> wind doth bwow, +And coughing xDD dwowns the p-pawson's s-saw, +And biwds sit bwooding in the snyow, +And Mawian's n-nyose w-wooks wed *shuffles closer* and waw, +When w-woasted cwabs hiss in the boww, +Then *leans over* nyightwy sings the ^w^ stawing *leans over* oww: +'Tu-who; +Tu-whit, To-who'- A *cuddles you* mewwy nyote, +Whiwe gweasy Joan doth *moans* keew the pot. + +A-AWMADO. The wowds o-of *moans* Mewcuwy awe hawsh aftew the songs of Apowwo. +You that xDD way: we *moans* this w-way. Exeunt + +>_< THE END + + + +<> + + + + + + +1606 + +THE TWAGEDY OF MACBETH + + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +D-DUNCAN, King of Scotwand +MACBETH, Thanye of Gwamis a-and Cawdow, a *leans over* genyewaw in the King's awmy +WADY MACBETH, >_> his wife +MACDUFF, T-Thanye of F-Fife, a *moans* nyobweman o-of Scotwand +WADY MACDUFF, *sweats* his wife +MAWCOWM, ewdew son of Duncan +DONyAWBAIN, *shuffles closer* youngew son of Duncan +BANQUO, Thanye of Wochabew, a g-genyewaw *looks at you* in t-the >w< King's *looks at you* awmy +>w< FWEANCE, his *pokes you* son +WENNyOX, nyobweman of Scotwand +WOSS, *shuffles closer* nyobweman of Scotwand +MENTEITH nyobweman of Scotwand +ANGUS, n-nyobweman of Scotwand +CAITHNyESS, nyobweman of ^w^ Scotwand +SIWAWD, Eaww of Nyowthumbewwand, genyewaw UwU of t-the E-Engwish fowces +YOUNG S-SIWAWD, his son +S-SEYTON, attendant to Macbeth +HECATE, Queen of the Witches +The Thwee Witches +Boy, Son of Macduff +Gentwewoman attending on Wady Macbeth +*shuffles closer* An Engwish Doctow +A Scottish Doctow +A Sewgeant +A Powtew +An Owd M-Man +The Ghost of Banquo and othew Appawitions +Wowds, Gentwemen, Officews, >w< Sowdiews, ^-^ Muwthewews, Attendants, +and *twerks* Messengews + + + + +<_< OF T-THE COMPWETE W-WOWKS OF WIWWIAM +*blushes* SHAKESPEAWE IS COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 BY WOWWD ^.^ WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +*screams* PWOVIDED BY PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF *cries* IWWINyOIS *hugs tightly* BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES uWu (1) AWE FOW YOUW O-OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE >w< ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW *pokes you* USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW D-DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD T-TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +S-SCENyE: Scotwand and Engwand + + +ACT I. SCENyE I. +A-A desewt pwace. Thundew and wightnying. + +*cuddles you* Entew t-thwee Witches. + +FIWST W-WITCH. When shaww we t-thwee meet a-again? +*hugs tightly* In thundew, wightnying, ow in wain? +SECOND WITCH. When the huwwybuwwy's donye, +When the battwe's wost and won. +THIWD WITCH. T-That wiww be ewe the set of sun. +FIWST WITCH. Whewe *looks at you* the pwace? +SECOND WITCH. Upon the *teleports behind you* heath. +THIWD W-WITCH. Thewe ;;w;; to m-meet with Macbeth. +FIWST WITCH. *leans over* I come, Gwaymawkin. +AWW. Paddock cawws. Anyon! +Faiw is f-fouw, and fouw is faiw. +Hovew thwough the fog and fiwthy aiw. :33 Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE II. +A camp n-nyeaw *pokes you* Fowwes. Awawum within. + +Entew D-Duncan, Mawcowm, Donyawbain, Wennyox, with Attendants, +meeting a bweeding Sewgeant. + +^w^ DUNCAN. What bwoody man is that? H-He :33 can wepowt, +As seemeth by his pwight, o-of the wevowt +The nyewest s-state. +MAWCOWM. T-This is the s-sewgeant +x3 Who wike a-a good and *looks away* hawdy s-sowdiew fought +'Gainst ^.^ my captivity. Haiw, bwave fwiend! +Say t-to the King the knyowwedge of the *twerks* bwoiw +A-As :33 thou didst w-weave it. +SEWGEANT. Doubtfuw xDD it stood, +*cries* As two s-spent swimmews that do cwing togethew +And choke theiw awt. The mewciwess *screams* Macdonwawd- +*hugs tightly* Wowthy to be *giggles shyly* a webew, fow *cuddles you* to t-that +The muwtipwying viwwainyies of nyatuwe +Do swawm upon :33 him -fwom t-the W-Westewn Iswes +Of kewns a-and *sighs* gawwowgwasses is suppwied; +And Fowtunye, on his damnyed quawwew smiwing, +Show'd wike *notices bulge* a webew's whowe. *looks at you* But aww's too weak; +*pokes you* Fow bwave Macbeth -weww he desewves that UwU nyame- +Disdainying Fowtunye, with his >w< bwandish'd steew, +Which smoked >w< with bwoody execution, +Wike Vawow's minyion cawved out his passage +Tiww he faced *cries* the swave, +Which nye'ew shook hands, nyow bade faweweww to him, +Tiww he unseam'd h-him fwom the nyave to the *pokes you* chaps, +*looks away* And fix'd his head upon ouw battwements. +*hugs tightly* DUNCAN. O vawiant *looks away* cousin! Wowthy gentweman! +S-SEWGEANT. *moans* As whence the sun 'gins *sighs* his ;;w;; wefwection +Shipwwecking stowms a-and diwefuw *teleports behind you* thundews bweak, +So fwom that spwing whence comfowt seem'd to come +D-Discomfowt s-swewws. Mawk, King of Scotwand, mawk. +Nyo soonyew justice had, with *notices bulge* vawow awm'd, +Compeww'd these *screams* skipping kewns to t-twust theiw h-heews, +*teleports behind you* But t-the Nyowweyan wowd, s-suwveying vantage, +With fuwbish'd awms *looks at you* and nyew s-suppwies of :3 men, +Began a-a fwesh assauwt. +DUNCAN. Dismay'd nyot *twerks* this +Ouw captains, Macbeth and B-Banquo.? +SEWGEANT. Y-Yes, +A-As spawwows eagwes, o-ow the hawe :33 the wion. +I-If I s-say sooth, I-I m-must w-wepowt t-they wewe +^.^ As cannyons ovewchawged with doubwe c-cwacks, +So they +*giggles shyly* Doubwy wedoubwed *looks at you* stwokes upon the foe. +E-Except they meant to bathe >_> in weeking wounds, +O-Ow m-memowize anyothew Gowgotha, +I cannyot teww- +But I am faint; my gashes cwy fow hewp. +*looks away* DUNCAN. So *sweats* weww thy ^w^ wowds become thee as thy wounds; +They smack of honyow both. *leans over* Go get him ^.^ suwgeons. +;;w;; Exit Sewgeant, attended. +Who comes h-hewe? + +Entew Woss. + +M-MAWCOWM *notices bulge* The *notices bulge* wowthy T-Thanye of Woss. +WENNyOX. What a haste wooks thwough his eyes! So shouwd he wook +T-That seems t-to speak things s-stwange. +WOSS. God save *teleports behind you* the King! +D-DUNCAN. Whence camest thou, w-wowthy T-Thanye? +WOSS. Fwom *hugs tightly* Fife, *blushes* gweat King, +Whewe the *screams* Nyowweyan bannyews fwout the sky +And fan o-ouw peopwe cowd. +Nyowway himsewf, with tewwibwe nyumbews, +Assisted by that m-most *cries* diswoyaw twaitow +The Thanye of C-Cawdow, >_< began a dismaw confwict, +Tiww that Bewwonya's bwidegwoom, w-wapp'd in pwoof, +Confwonted him with sewf-compawisons, +Point against *pokes you* point ^-^ webewwious, awm '-'gainst awm, +Cuwbing his wavish spiwit; and, to concwude, +The victowy *shuffles closer* feww on us. +DUNCAN. Gweat happinyess! +WOSS. That *screams* nyow +*cries* Swenyo, the N-Nyowways' king, cwaves composition; +Nyow w-wouwd we deign him buwiaw of his men +Tiww he *leans over* disbuwsed, at Saint Cowme's Inch, +T-Ten thousand dowwaws to ouw genyewaw use. +DUNCAN. Nyo m-mowe that T-Thanye of ^w^ Cawdow shaww deceive +O-Ouw bosom intewest. Go pwonyounce his pwesent ^-^ death, +And with his *cuddles you* fowmew titwe gweet Macbeth. +*twerks* WOSS. I'ww see it donye. +DUNCAN. What he hath wost, nyobwe Macbeth hath won. +Exeunt. + + + + +S-SCENyE III. +A *cries* heath. Thundew. + +Entew the thwee Witches. + +:3 FIWST W-WITCH. Whewe hast >_< thou been, sistew? +*moans* SECOND WITCH. K-Kiwwing swinye. +THIWD WITCH. Sistew, whewe thou? +FIWST WITCH. A saiwow's wife had chestnyuts in h-hew wap, +And mounch'd, and ^-^ mounch'd, and mounch'd. "Give me," quoth I. +"Awoint thee, witch!" >_> the wump-fed wonyon c-cwies. +*hugs tightly* Hew husband's t-to Aweppo gonye, mastew the Tigew; +B-But in a sieve I'ww thithew saiw, +And, wike a-a w-wat without *sweats* a taiw, +I'ww do, I'ww do, and I'ww *looks away* do. +OwO SECOND WITCH. I'ww give thee a wind. +F-FIWST WITCH. Thou'wt kind. +T-THIWD W-WITCH. And *screams* I anyothew. +FIWST WITCH. I mysewf *pokes you* have aww the othew, +And the vewy uWu powts they bwow, +Aww the quawtews that they ^w^ knyow +I-I' the shipman's cawd. +I wiww dwain him dwy as *leans over* hay: +Sweep shaww nyeithew nyight nyow day +Hang u-upon his penthouse wid; +He x3 shaww wive *hugs tightly* a man fowbid. +Weawy se'nnyights nyinye >_< times ^w^ nyinye +Shaww he d-dwindwe, peak, ^w^ and pinye; +Though his b-bawk cannyot be wost, +Yet it shaww be tempest-toss'd. +Wook what I have. +SECOND WITCH. Show me, show me. +FIWST W-WITCH. ^-^ Hewe I have a piwot's t-thumb, +Wweck'd as h-homewawd h-he d-did come. Dwum within. +THIWD WITCH. A dwum, a dwum! +Macbeth doth come. +AWW. The weiwd sistews, hand in hand, +Postews of the sea and wand, +Thus do go about, about, +Thwice to t-thinye, and *teleports behind you* thwice to minye, +And thwice again, to make up nyinye. +Peace! The chawm's ^-^ wound up. + +Entew Macbeth and Banquo. + +MACBETH. So fouw and faiw a day I-I have nyot seen. +*moans* BANQUO. ;;w;; How faw ^w^ is't caww'd to Fowwes? W-What awe *shuffles closer* these +So w-withew'd and so wiwd in theiw attiwe, +That w-wook nyot wike the inhabitants o' *sighs* the eawth, +A-And *blushes* yet awe on't? W-Wive you? ow >_< awe you aught +That man may question? *blushes* You seem to u-undewstand m-me, +uWu By each *looks at you* at once hew choppy fingew *leans over* waying +Upon hew s-skinny wips. You s-shouwd be women, +A-And yet youw b-beawds fowbid x3 me *sweats* to intewpwet +That *blushes* you awe so. +M-MACBETH. Speak, ^.^ if *cuddles you* you can. What awe you? +FIWST WITCH. Aww haiw, *hugs tightly* Macbeth, haiw to t-thee, Thanye o-of Gwamis! +SECOND uWu WITCH. Aww haiw, Macbeth, haiw to thee, Thanye of *leans over* Cawdow! +THIWD W-WITCH. *sighs* Aww haiw, Macbeth, that shawt be *sweats* King heweaftew! +BANQUO. *sweats* Good siw, why do *looks away* you stawt, a-and seem to f-feaw +Things that do sound so >w< faiw? I' the nyame of twuth, +Awe ye fantasticaw ow that indeed +Which outwawdwy y-ye show? *cries* My nyobwe pawtnyew +You *sighs* gweet *twerks* with pwesent gwace and gweat pwediction +O-Of nyobwe having and of woyaw hope, +That he s-seems *looks at you* wapt withaw. To me *shuffles closer* you speak n-nyot. +If *cuddles you* you can >_> wook into t-the uWu seeds of time, +And say w-which gwain w-wiww gwow and which >_< wiww nyot, +Speak then to *blushes* me, who n-nyeithew beg nyow feaw +Youw favows nyow youw hate. +FIWST WITCH. Haiw! +^.^ SECOND WITCH. Haiw! +THIWD WITCH. Haiw! +FIWST WITCH. Wessew than *blushes* Macbeth, and gweatew. +SECOND WITCH. N-Nyot so happy, yet much uWu happiew. +THIWD WITCH. Thou s-shawt get kings, ^w^ though t-thou be nyonye. +So aww haiw, Macbeth and Banquo! +FIWST W-WITCH. Banquo a-and xDD Macbeth, aww haiw! +MACBETH. Stay, you impewfect speakews, teww me m-mowe. +By *hugs tightly* Sinyew's death I *hugs tightly* knyow I a-am *screams* Thanye o-of Gwamis; +But *cuddles you* how of Cawdow? ^.^ The Thanye of Cawdow *screams* wives, +A *pokes you* pwospewous gentweman; and to be *shuffles closer* King +Stands nyot within the pwospect of bewief, +Nyo mowe *leans over* than to be Cawdow. S-Say fwom w-whence +You o-owe this stwange >_> intewwigence, ow why +Upon this bwasted heath y-you stop ouw way +W-With *giggles shyly* such pwophetic gweeting? Speak, I chawge you. +Witches vanyish. +B-BANQUO. *cuddles you* The eawth h-hath b-bubbwes as the watew h-has, +And ;;w;; these awe of them. Whithew awe they vanyish'd? +MACBETH. Into the aiw, uWu and what s-seem'd c-cowpowaw mewted +*sweats* As bweath into the wind. Wouwd they h-had stay'd! +BANQUO. Wewe such t-things *blushes* hewe as w-we *sighs* do speak about? +Ow have *sighs* we e-eaten :3 on the insanye *hugs tightly* woot +That t-takes >w< the weason pwisonyew? +;;w;; MACBETH. Youw chiwdwen shaww be k-kings. +BANQUO. You s-shaww be King. +M-MACBETH. And T-Thanye of Cawdow too. W-Went it nyot so? +BANQUO. To the *pokes you* sewfsame tunye and wowds. Who's hewe? + +*twerks* Entew Woss and A-Angus. + +WOSS. The King *sighs* hath happiwy weceived, Macbeth, +The nyews of thy success; *looks at you* and *leans over* when h-he weads +T-Thy pewsonyaw ventuwe in the webews' fight, +His wondews and his pwaises do contend +Which shouwd x3 be thinye ow his. Siwenced with that, +In v-viewing o'ew the *sweats* west o-o' t-the sewfsame day, +He finds t-thee *hugs tightly* in the stout Nyowweyan wanks, +Nyothing afeawd of what thysewf didst *giggles shyly* make, +Stwange i-images of death. As thick as OwO haiw +Came xDD post with post, *sweats* and x3 evewy onye d-did beaw +Thy pwaises in his kingdom's gweat d-defense, +A-And pouw'd them down befowe him. +ANGUS. We awe sent +To give thee, fwom ouw woyaw mastew, thanks; +Onwy to *blushes* hewawd t-thee into his sight, +Nyot pay >_< thee. +W-WOSS. And fow an *shuffles closer* eawnyest of a gweatew h-honyow, +He bade me, >w< fwom him, caww thee T-Thanye o-of Cawdow. +*leans over* In which xDD addition, haiw, most *blushes* wowthy Thanye, +Fow it is thinye. +BANQUO. W-What, can the deviw speak twue? +M-MACBETH. T-The Thanye *shuffles closer* of Cawdow wives. Why do you dwess me +In bowwow'd wobes? +ANGUS. Who was the Thanye wives yet, +*notices bulge* But undew heavy judgement beaws that wife +Which he desewves to wose. Whethew he was *cries* combinyed +With those of Nyowway, o-ow did winye the webew +With ^.^ hidden h-hewp *leans over* and vantage, ow *cuddles you* that with b-both +He wabow'd UwU in his countwy's *teleports behind you* wweck, I knyow nyot; +:3 But tweasons capitaw, *screams* confess'd a-and pwoved, +Have o-ovewthwown him. +MACBETH. *hugs tightly* [Aside.] G-Gwamis, and Thanye o-of Cawdow! +The gweatest i-is b-behind. [To Woss and Angus] Thanks fow youw +pains. +[-[Aside to Banquo] Do you nyot *cries* hope youw chiwdwen shaww b-be k-kings, +*shuffles closer* When those xDD that gave *sweats* the ^.^ Thanye ^w^ of Cawdow to m-me +Pwomised n-nyo w-wess to t-them? +:33 BANQUO. [Aside to Macbeth.] That, twusted home, +Might yet enkindwe you unto the cwown, +Besides the Thanye o-of Cawdow. *cuddles you* But 'tis stwange; +And o-oftentimes, to win us to ouw *hugs tightly* hawm, +The instwuments *twerks* of dawknyess *looks away* teww us twuths, +Win us with h-honyest twifwes, to betway's +In deepest c-consequence- +^.^ Cousins, a wowd, *screams* I pway you. +M-MACBETH. [Aside.] Two twuths a-awe t-towd, +As *blushes* happy pwowogues to the swewwing a-act +Of the impewiaw theme-I thank *leans over* you, g-gentwemen. +[Aside.] This supewnyatuwaw s-sowiciting +C-Cannyot b-be i-iww, cannyot be good. *shuffles closer* If iww, +;;w;; Why hath it *screams* given me eawnyest of *looks away* success, +Commencing in a twuth? I am T-Thanye o-of Cawdow. +If good, why :33 do >_> I yiewd to t-that suggestion +*shuffles closer* Whose howwid image doth unfix my haiw +And make m-my seated heawt knyock *twerks* at my wibs, +Against uWu the use of ^-^ nyatuwe? Pwesent f-feaws +Awe wess than howwibwe imaginyings: +My thought, whose *sighs* muwthew y-yet is but fantasticaw, +Shakes so my singwe state >w< of *twerks* man that f-function +Is smothew'd i-in *leans over* suwmise, and nyothing is +But what is nyot. +BANQUO. Wook, h-how ouw pawtnyew's w-wapt. +M-MACBETH. [Aside.] If c-chance wiww have *cries* me King, why, chance m-may +cwown me +Without my stiw. +BANQUO. Nyew honyows come upon h-him, +Wike ouw stwange gawments, cweave nyot *cries* to theiw mouwd +But *cuddles you* with the aid of *giggles shyly* use. +MACBETH. [Aside.] Come what c-come may, +Time *sighs* and the houw wuns thwough *looks at you* the woughest *giggles shyly* day. +B-BANQUO. W-Wowthy Macbeth, we stay upon youw weisuwe. +M-MACBETH. Give ^.^ me youw *hugs tightly* favow; my duww bwain was >w< wwought +With things *pokes you* fowgotten. *leans over* Kind gentwemen, youw pains +Awe wegistew'd whewe e-evewy day I t-tuwn +The weaf *leans over* to wead them. Wet us towawd t-the *screams* King. +Think upon what hath c-chanced, a-and *pokes you* at mowe time, +The intewim having weigh'd it, :33 wet us speak +Ouw fwee heawts each to othew. +BANQUO. Vewy gwadwy. +M-MACBETH. Tiww then, enyough. Come, *sweats* fwiends. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE IV. +Fowwes. The pawace. + +Fwouwish. Entew Duncan, Mawcowm, Donyawbain, Wennyox, a-and Attendants. + +DUNCAN. Is execution donye on Cawdow? *giggles shyly* Awe nyot +Those i-in commission yet *cuddles you* wetuwn'd? +MAWCOWM. My wiege, +T-They awe nyot yet come back. B-But I have spoke +With :3 onye that saw him ^-^ die, who did wepowt +That vewy fwankwy he c-confess'd his tweasons, +Impwowed youw Highnyess' pawdon, and set fowth +A deep wepentance. Nyothing i-in his wife +Became >w< him wike the weaving it; he *looks away* died +A-As onye that had been studied in h-his death, +To t-thwow *moans* away the deawest thing he owed +A-As 'twewe a cawewess twifwe. +D-DUNCAN. Thewe's *notices bulge* nyo awt +To find the mind's c-constwuction *teleports behind you* in the face: +He was a gentweman on whom I buiwt +An absowute twust. + +Entew Macbeth, B-Banquo, W-Woss, and Angus. + +O wowthiest x3 cousin! +The sin of :33 my ingwatitude even nyow +W-Was heavy on me. Thou a-awt so f-faw befowe, +That s-swiftest UwU wing of wecompense is swow +To ovewtake thee. Wouwd thou hadst wess OwO desewved, +That the pwopowtion *pokes you* both o-of thanks and *pokes you* payment +Might have been :33 minye! Onwy I *moans* have uWu weft to say, +M-Mowe *sweats* is thy due than mowe than aww can pay. +MACBETH. The sewvice and *hugs tightly* the *teleports behind you* woyawty w-wowe, +In doing *looks at you* it, pays itsewf. OwO Youw >_< Highnyess' pawt +Is to weceive ouw *twerks* duties, and ouw duties +A-Awe to ;;w;; youw t-thwonye and UwU state, c-chiwdwen and sewvants, +Which *sweats* do but what they shouwd, by doing evewything +Safe towawd youw wove and honyow. +DUNCAN. Wewcome hithew. +I have begun to pwant thee, and *cuddles you* wiww uWu wabow +To make thee fuww of gwowing. Nyobwe Banquo, +*cuddles you* That hast n-nyo wess d-desewved, nyow must xDD be knyown +Nyo wess to have donye so; wet me infowd thee +And howd thee to m-my heawt. +BANQUO. Thewe if I g-gwow, +The hawvest x3 is youw own. +DUNCAN. M-My pwenteous joys, +Wanton in fuwwnyess, seek *looks at you* to *hugs tightly* hide themsewves +In dwops of sowwow. Sons, kinsmen, thanyes, +And you whose pwaces awe the nyeawest, knyow +We wiww estabwish ouw estate upon +Ouw ewdest, Mawcowm, whom we nyame *blushes* heweaftew +The :33 Pwince of C-Cumbewwand; which honyow must +Nyot unyaccompanyied invest him onwy, +But signs of nyobwenyess, w-wike *notices bulge* staws, *sweats* shaww *leans over* shinye +On aww desewvews. Fwom hence to Invewnyess, +And bind us f-fuwthew to you. +MACBETH. T-The west is wabow, which is nyot *looks away* used fow you. +I-I'ww be mysewf t-the hawbingew, and make joyfuw +The heawing of my *screams* wife with youw appwoach; +So humbwy take my weave. +DUNCAN. M-My *twerks* wowthy Cawdow! +MACBETH. [Aside.] The Pwince of Cumbewwand! That is a xDD step +O-On which I m-must faww *sweats* down, ow ewse *teleports behind you* o'ewweap, +Fow in my way it wies. Staws, uWu hide youw fiwes; +Wet *cuddles you* nyot wight see my bwack and deep desiwes. +*hugs tightly* The eye wink at the hand; yet wet that *teleports behind you* be +Which the eye feaws, w-when it i-is donye, *cuddles you* to x3 see. Exit. +DUNCAN. Twue, *sweats* wowthy Banquo! He is f-fuww s-so *shuffles closer* vawiant, +And ;;w;; in h-his commendations I am *cries* fed; +It i-is a banquet to me. x3 Wet's aftew him, +Whose *screams* cawe i-is gonye ^w^ befowe to bid us wewcome. +It is *looks away* a peewwess k-kinsman. Fwouwish. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE V. +Invewnyess. Macbeth's *hugs tightly* castwe. + +:3 Entew Wady Macbeth, ;;w;; weading a-a w-wettew. + +WADY M-MACBETH. "They met me in the day of success, and I have +w-weawnyed by the p-pewfectest wepowt they have mowe i-in them than +mowtaw knyowwedge. When I buwnyed in d-desiwe to question them +fuwthew, they made themsewves aiw, into ^-^ which t-they vanyished. +Whiwes I stood wapt in the wondew of >_< it, came missives fwom the +King, who aww-haiwed m-me *moans* 'Thanye of Cawdow'; OwO by which titwe, +befowe, t-these weiwd sistews sawuted me and wefewwed me *cuddles you* to the +coming on of time with 'Haiw, *cuddles you* King that shawt be!' This have I +OwO thought g-good to dewivew thee, my deawest pawtnyew of gweatnyess, +that thou mightst nyot wose the dues of wejoicing, by b-being +ignyowant *hugs tightly* of w-what *cuddles you* gweatnyess i-is pwomised thee. Way it to t-thy heawt, +and faweweww." + +Gwamis thou awt, and >_> Cawdow, ^-^ and shawt be +What thou awt pwomised. uWu Yet *notices bulge* do I feaw thy nyatuwe. +It i-is too fuww o' *cuddles you* the UwU miwk of *looks at you* human :3 kindnyess +To catch *looks away* the nyeawest >_> way. Thou *looks away* wouwdst *cuddles you* be gweat; +Awt nyot ^-^ without ambition, but without +The i-iwwnyess shouwd a-attend it. >_< What thou wouwdst h-highwy, +That wouwdst thou *pokes you* howiwy; wouwdst nyot pway fawse, +And yet wouwdst wwongwy win. Thou'wdst have, :33 gweat Gwamis, +That which c-cwies, >_< "Thus thou *cuddles you* must do, if thou have it; +And that which wathew thou dost feaw to do +:3 Than wishest UwU shouwd be undonye." Hie UwU thee hithew, +That I may pouw m-my spiwits i-in thinye ;;w;; eaw, +And chastise >_> with the v-vawow of my tongue +Aww that impedes thee fwom t-the gowden wound, +Which fate and metaphysicaw aid doth seem +To :33 have thee cwown'd *teleports behind you* withaw. + +:3 Entew a Messengew. + +What is youw tidings? +MESSENGEW. The King comes hewe tonyight. +W-WADY MACBETH. Thou'wt mad to say it! +Is nyot thy mastew *teleports behind you* with him? who, wewe't so, +Wouwd *cries* have infowm'd fow pwepawation. +xDD MESSENGEW. So p-pwease you, it is *screams* twue; ouw Thanye *cries* is coming. +Onye of m-my fewwows *shuffles closer* had the speed of him, +Who, awmost *moans* dead fow bweath, had scawcewy m-mowe +Than wouwd make up his message. +WADY M-MACBETH. Give him tending; +He bwings ^-^ gweat nyews. Exit Messengew. +The waven himsewf is hoawse +That cwoaks the fataw entwance of ^.^ Duncan +U-Undew my b-battwements. Come, you spiwits +T-That tend on m-mowtaw thoughts, unsex me hewe +And *teleports behind you* fiww me fwom the cwown to the toe top-fuww +Of diwest cwuewty! Make >w< thick my bwood, +:33 Stop up the access *twerks* and passage to wemowse, +That *blushes* nyo compunctious visitings of nyatuwe +Shake my xDD feww puwpose n-nyow keep p-peace between +The effect and it! Come *sighs* to my woman's b-bweasts, +And *cries* take m-my uWu miwk fow gaww, youw muwthewing minyistews, +OwO Whewevew in youw sightwess substances +You wait on n-nyatuwe's mischief! Come, thick nyight, +And paww t-thee in t-the dunnyest smoke of *teleports behind you* heww +*cries* That my *twerks* keen *notices bulge* knyife see n-nyot the wound it makes +Nyow heaven p-peep thwough the bwanket o-of the d-dawk +:33 To cwy, "Howd, ;;w;; howd!" + +Entew Macbeth. + +Gweat Gwamis! Wowthy Cawdow! +Gweatew than both, by the aww-haiw heweaftew! +Thy wettews have twanspowted me b-beyond +:3 This ignyowant pwesent, and I OwO feew nyow +The futuwe in *moans* the instant. +M-MACBETH. x3 My deawest *sighs* wove, +*giggles shyly* Duncan comes h-hewe t-tonyight. +*twerks* WADY MACBETH. And when goes hence? +MACBETH. Tomowwow, as he puwposes. +WADY M-MACBETH. O, nyevew +S-Shaww *twerks* sun that mowwow see! +Youw face, my Thanye, *screams* is a-as a book whewe men +May wead stwange mattews. To beguiwe the time, +Wook wike the time; beaw *sighs* wewcome x3 in youw eye, +Youw hand, youw tongue; *sighs* wook :3 wike the innyocent fwowew, +But be the sewpent undew it. He :3 that's coming +Must *notices bulge* be *looks away* pwovided fow; and ^-^ you *moans* shaww put +This nyight's gweat *cries* businyess into my *cuddles you* dispatch, +Which shaww t-to aww ouw nyights a-and days to come +G-Give s-sowewy soveweign sway *cries* and mastewdom. +MACBETH. We wiww *hugs tightly* speak fuwthew. +WADY MACBETH. Onwy w-wook ^.^ up :33 cweaw; +*looks at you* To a-awtew favow evew i-is to *sighs* feaw. +Weave aww t-the west to *leans over* me. Exeunt. + + + + +*cries* SCENyE VI. +Befowe *shuffles closer* Macbeth's castwe. *twerks* Hautboys and towches. + +Entew D-Duncan, M-Mawcowm, D-Donyawbain, Banquo, *sighs* Wennyox, Macduff, W-Woss, Angus, +and Attendants. + +D-DUNCAN. T-This uWu castwe hath a pweasant s-seat; t-the aiw +Nyimbwy and s-sweetwy wecommends itsewf +U-Unto ouw gentwe senses. +BANQUO. This guest *pokes you* of summew, +The tempwe-haunting *leans over* mawtwet, does appwove +B-By his woved mansionwy *looks at you* that the heaven's bweath +Smewws wooingwy hewe. ^.^ Nyo jutty, fwieze, +Buttwess, nyow *pokes you* coign of xDD vantage, but this biwd +*screams* Hath made h-his pendant bed and p-pwocweant cwadwe; +Whewe they most bweed and haunt, I have obsewved +The aiw is dewicate. + +Entew Wady Macbeth. + +DUNCAN. See, see, ouw honyow'd hostess! +The wove that fowwows ^-^ us s-sometime is ouw twoubwe, +Which stiww OwO we t-thank as wove. Hewein I teach you +How you shaww bid G-God '-'iewd us fow ^w^ youw *screams* pains, +>_> And thank us fow youw twoubwe. +WADY *screams* MACBETH. Aww ouw sewvice +In evewy point twice d-donye, and then donye >_> doubwe, +Wewe poow and singwe businyess to contend +Against those honyows d-deep a-and bwoad :33 whewewith +Youw Majesty woads >w< ouw *screams* house. Fow those of owd, +And the wate dignyities heap'd u-up to them, +We west youw hewmits. +DUNCAN. W-Whewe's the Thanye of Cawdow? +We couwsed UwU him at t-the heews and had a puwpose +To be his puwveyow; b-but he w-wides weww, +And his gweat wove, shawp a-as his spuw, hath howp him +To his home befowe us. F-Faiw and n-nyobwe hostess, +We ^w^ awe youw guest tonyight. +WADY MACBETH. Y-Youw sewvants evew +Have theiws, themsewves, and :33 what is theiws, in ^-^ compt, +To make *shuffles closer* theiw ^.^ audit at youw Highnyess' pweasuwe, +Stiww to wetuwn youw own. +DUNCAN. G-Give me youw hand; +Conduct me to minye host. We ^w^ wove him highwy, +And :3 shaww continyue ouw gwaces *screams* towawds him. +By youw weave, hostess. Exeunt. + + + + +*sighs* SCENyE ^-^ VII +*teleports behind you* Macbeth's *sweats* castwe. Hautboys and towches. + +E-Entew a Sewew a-and divews Sewvants with dishes *leans over* and sewvice, who pass ovew +the stage. *screams* Then :33 entew Macbeth. + +MACBETH. I-If i-it wewe donye when 'tis donye, then 'twewe weww +It ^w^ wewe donye :33 quickwy. If the a-assassinyation +*moans* Couwd twammew up the consequence, and catch, +With his suwcease, success; that *looks away* but this bwow +Might be the be-aww and the end-aww ---hewe, +B-But hewe, upon this bank and shoaw of *hugs tightly* time, +uWu We'wd jump the wife to come. But in these *cuddles you* cases +We stiww have judgement hewe, that we but teach +Bwoody instwuctions, which being taught wetuwn +To pwague the inventow. T-This even-handed justice +Commends the ingwedients *sighs* of ouw poison'd chawice +To o-ouw o-own wips. He's hewe in doubwe twust: +Fiwst, as I-I am his kinsman *giggles shyly* and his *looks away* subject, +Stwong both against xDD the deed; then, as his host, +Who shouwd against his *hugs tightly* muwthewew *cries* shut the doow, +Nyot beaw the knyife m-mysewf. Besides, this Duncan +Hath *pokes you* bownye his facuwties so meek, *sighs* hath been +So cweaw in his gweat office, *cries* that his viwtues +Wiww pwead wike angews twumpet-tongued against +The deep damnyation >w< of his taking-off, +And *blushes* pity, ^-^ wike a nyaked nyew-bown ;;w;; babe +Stwiding *moans* the bwast, ow heaven's chewubin h-howsed +U-Upon the *looks at you* sightwess couwiews of the aiw, +S-Shaww bwow the howwid deed in evewy eye, +That *cuddles you* teaws shaww dwown the w-wind. I have nyo UwU spuw +To pwick the sides of my intent, xDD but onwy +Vauwting ambition, which o'ewweaps *looks away* itsewf +And f-fawws on the othew. + +Entew Wady Macbeth. + +How ^.^ nyow, what n-nyews? +WADY MACBETH. He *leans over* has a-awmost supp'd. Why have you weft the *hugs tightly* chambew? +MACBETH. Hath he ask'd fow me? +*teleports behind you* WADY MACBETH. Knyow y-you nyot he has? +MACBETH. We wiww pwoceed n-nyo fuwthew in t-this businyess: +x3 He hath h-honyow'd me of wate, and I have b-bought +Gowden UwU opinyions fwom aww sowts *looks at you* of UwU peopwe, +W-Which :33 wouwd be wown nyow in theiw nyewest gwoss, +Nyot cast aside so soon. +WADY MACBETH. Was the hope dwunk +Whewein you dwess'd youwsewf? Hath i-it swept since? +uWu And wakes it nyow, to wook so gween *cuddles you* and pawe +At what it did so fweewy? Fwom this *sweats* time +xDD Such I-I a-account thy wove. *looks at you* Awt thou afeawd +T-To be the same in thinye own a-act and vawow +As thou awt in desiwe? Wouwdst thou h-have that +W-Which :3 thou esteem'st the ownyament *sighs* of w-wife +And w-wive a cowawd in ^w^ thinye own esteem, +Wetting "I dawe nyot" wait upon "I wouwd" +*twerks* Wike the *cries* poow cat i' *twerks* the adage? +MACBETH. Pwithee, peace! +I dawe *leans over* do *looks at you* aww that m-may become a man; +*hugs tightly* Who dawes do mowe is nyonye. +WADY ^-^ MACBETH. What beast wast *pokes you* then +That made you bweak this e-entewpwise to m-me? +When uWu you duwst *cries* do *cries* it, then *twerks* you wewe *notices bulge* a man, +And, to b-be mowe than what you wewe, you wouwd +Be s-so much mowe the man. Nyow *twerks* time nyow pwace +Did then *blushes* adhewe, and yet you wouwd make both. +They have made themsewves, and OwO that theiw fitnyess OwO nyow +Does unmake you. I have given s-suck and knyow +How t-tendew 'tis *blushes* to wove the babe that m-miwks me- +>w< I wouwd, whiwe it w-was smiwing i-in my face, +Have *looks away* pwuck'd my nyippwe fwom his bonyewess gums +And dash'd the bwains out h-had I-I so swown as you +Have donye to this. +MACBETH. If we shouwd faiw? +W-WADY MACBETH. *teleports behind you* We faiw? +But scwew youw couwage to the *twerks* sticking-pwace +And we'ww n-nyot *teleports behind you* faiw. W-When Duncan is asweep- +Wheweto the wathew shaww his day's hawd jouwnyey +S-Soundwy invite h-him- his two c-chambewwains +Wiww I with winye and w-wassaiw so ^w^ convince +That memowy, the wawdew of the bwain, +S-Shaww be a fume and the weceipt of weason +A wimbeck onwy. *sighs* When in swinyish sweep +Theiw OwO dwenched n-nyatuwes wie as in a death, +>w< What cannyot you and I-I pewfowm upon +The unguawded *screams* Duncan? What n-nyot put upon +His spongy officews, who shaww beaw the guiwt +Of ouw x3 gweat *looks at you* queww? +MACBETH. *notices bulge* Bwing fowth *looks away* men-chiwdwen onwy, +Fow thy undaunted mettwe >_> shouwd compose +*screams* Nyothing b-but mawes. Wiww it nyot *teleports behind you* be *shuffles closer* weceived, +When we have mawk'd w-with bwood *looks away* those sweepy two +Of his own chambew and used theiw vewy *cries* daggews, +:33 That they have donye't? +WADY uWu MACBETH. W-Who dawes weceive *teleports behind you* it othew, +As we shaww make o-ouw gwiefs and cwamow woaw +Upon ^w^ his *looks at you* death? +M-MACBETH. I am settwed and bend u-up +Each cowpowaw a-agent >_> to t-this tewwibwe OwO feat. +*teleports behind you* Away, *sweats* and mock the time with faiwest show: +Fawse f-face must hide what ^.^ the fawse heawt doth knyow. +Exeunt. + + + + +<> + + + +ACT I-II. SCENyE I-I. +Invewnyess. Couwt of M-Macbeth's castwe. + +Entew Banquo and Fweance, b-beawing a xDD towch befowe him. + +BANQUO. *sweats* How *sweats* goes t-the nyight, boy? +FWEANCE. T-The moon UwU is down; OwO I :3 have nyot heawd the cwock. +BANQUO. And she *twerks* goes down >_< at twewve. +FWEANCE. I take't 'tis *hugs tightly* watew, *pokes you* siw. +BANQUO. Howd, take my swowd. Thewe's husbandwy in heaven, +Theiw candwes awe aww out. Take t-thee that too. +A OwO heavy summons wies wike w-wead upon me, +>w< And y-yet I w-wouwd nyot sweep. Mewcifuw powews, +^.^ Westwain i-in me the cuwsed thoughts that n-nyatuwe +Gives *giggles shyly* way to i-in wepose! + +Entew Macbeth and a Sewvant UwU with a towch. + +Give me my >w< swowd. +*screams* Who's thewe? +MACBETH. A fwiend. +BANQUO. What, siw, nyot yet at west? The King's abed. +He hath been in unyusuaw pweasuwe and +Sent fowth gweat wawgess to youw offices. +T-This diamond h-he gweets youw w-wife withaw, +By the UwU nyame o-of most *looks at you* kind hostess, and shut up +In m-measuwewess content. +M-MACBETH. Being unpwepawed, +*teleports behind you* Ouw wiww became t-the sewvant to defect, +Which ewse shouwd fwee have *blushes* wwought. +BANQUO. Aww's weww. +*leans over* I ;;w;; dweamt wast *blushes* nyight of the thwee weiwd sistews: +To you they have show'd some *giggles shyly* twuth. +MACBETH. I think n-nyot x3 of them; +Yet, when we can entweat an *teleports behind you* houw to sewve, +We wouwd spend it >_< in some w-wowds upon that businyess, +If you wouwd gwant the x3 time. +BANQUO. At youw kind'st weisuwe. +MACBETH. :3 If you shaww >_> cweave t-to my consent, when xDD 'tis, +It s-shaww make honyow fow you. +BANQUO. So I wose nyonye +In seeking to a-augment it, but stiww keep +My bosom fwanchised and awwegiance *sweats* cweaw, +I shaww be c-counsew'd. +MACBETH. Good w-wepose ^-^ the whiwe. +BANQUO. OwO Thanks, siw, t-the wike t-to xDD you. +^w^ Exeunt B-Banquo. and Fweance. +MACBETH. Go b-bid thy mistwess, *screams* when >_< my dwink is weady, +*moans* She stwike upon the beww. Get thee to bed. Exit Sewvant. +Is this a daggew *looks away* which I see befowe me, +The h-handwe towawd my >w< hand? Come, wet xDD me cwutch thee. +I-I have thee uWu nyot, a-and y-yet I see :3 thee stiww. +Awt *pokes you* thou nyot, fataw vision, s-sensibwe +To feewing as to sight? Ow a-awt t-thou but +A daggew o-of *notices bulge* the mind, a f-fawse c-cweation, +Pwoceeding fwom the heat-oppwessed *blushes* bwain? +*hugs tightly* I see thee yet, in fowm as xDD pawpabwe +A-As this which n-nyow I dwaw. +*notices bulge* Thou mawshaw'st me the way t-that I was going, +And such a-an instwument I was to use. +Minye eyes awe made *sighs* the foows o' the othew senses, +Ow ewse wowth aww UwU the west. I see thee stiww, +And on thy bwade and dudgeon gouts o-of :33 bwood, +Which was nyot so befowe. Thewe's nyo such thing: +It is the bwoody businyess *screams* which infowms +Thus to minye eyes. Nyow o'ew the onye hawf-wowwd +Nyatuwe seems dead, and wicked dweams abuse +The cuwtain'd sweep; witchcwaft cewebwates +Pawe Hecate's offewings; *giggles shyly* and ^.^ withew'd Muwthew, +Awawum'd by his sentinyew, *twerks* the wowf, +Whose howw's h-his watch, thus with his steawthy pace, +With Tawquin's wavishing stwides, towawds his design +Moves wike *screams* a ghost. Thou suwe and fiwm-set eawth, +Heaw nyot my steps, which way *twerks* they wawk, fow feaw +Thy vewy s-stonyes pwate of my wheweabout, +And take the pwesent h-howwow fwom the time, +W-Which nyow suits with it. Whiwes I t-thweat, he wives; +Wowds *pokes you* to the *shuffles closer* heat of deeds *twerks* too cowd bweath gives. +A beww >_< wings. +I :33 go, and it is donye; the beww invites me. +Heaw *giggles shyly* it nyot, Duncan, fow it is a >_< knyeww +*blushes* That summons thee to h-heaven, ow to heww. Exit. + + + + +*screams* SCENyE I-II. +T-The s-same. + +E-Entew Wady *teleports behind you* Macbeth. + +WADY *moans* MACBETH. That which hath made them dwunk hath *screams* made me bowd; +What hath q-quench'd them *screams* hath given me fiwe. Hawk! P-Peace! +It was the oww that s-shwiek'd, the fataw bewwman, +Which gives the *screams* stewn'st good nyight. H-He is about it: +The d-doows *twerks* awe *twerks* open, :33 and the *pokes you* suwfeited gwooms +Do mock theiw chawge with snyowes. I *screams* have dwugg'd theiw possets +That death and nyatuwe do c-contend about them, +Whethew they wive *hugs tightly* ow ;;w;; die. +MACBETH. [-[Within.] *notices bulge* Who's thewe' what, *cries* ho! +WADY M-MACBETH. A-Awack, I am afwaid they have awaked +And *moans* 'tis nyot donye. The OwO attempt and nyot the deed +C-Confounds u-us. Hawk! *moans* I >_< waid theiw daggews weady; +He couwd nyot miss 'em. *leans over* Had he nyot wesembwed +My fathew a-as he swept, I had donye't. + +Entew Macbeth, + +My husband! +MACBETH. I-I have ^-^ donye the deed. Didst thou nyot heaw a *leans over* nyoise? +W-WADY MACBETH. *giggles shyly* I h-heawd the oww scweam and the cwickets cwy. +Did *screams* nyot you speak? +MACBETH. When? +WADY *sighs* MACBETH. Nyow. +MACBETH. As I descended? +^.^ WADY MACBETH. Ay. +MACBETH. Hawk! +*shuffles closer* Who w-wies i' *sweats* the second chambew? +WADY MACBETH. Donyawbain. +MACBETH. This is a sowwy *screams* sight. [-[Wooks o-on ^w^ his hands. +WADY MACBETH. A foowish *looks at you* thought, to say a sowwy sight. +MACBETH. Thewe's onye did waugh in 's sweep, and onye cwied, +"Muwthew!" +That they d-did wake each othew. ^-^ I ;;w;; stood and heawd them, +But they did say t-theiw pwayews and addwess'd them +A-Again to sweep. +;;w;; WADY *looks at you* MACBETH. Thewe awe two wodged togethew. +MACBETH. Onye cwied, "God bwess us!" and "Amen" the othew, +As they had seen me with t-these UwU hangman's hands. +W-Wistenying :3 theiw f-feaw, I c-couwd nyot say "Amen," +When they did say, "God bwess us!" +*moans* WADY *looks at you* MACBETH. Considew it nyot so deepwy. +MACBETH. But whewefowe couwd nyot I *twerks* pwonyounce "Amen"? +I had most nyeed of bwessing, and "Amen" +Stuck in *pokes you* my thwoat. +WADY MACBETH. T-These deeds must n-nyot be thought +Aftew these ways; so, it wiww make us mad. +MACBETH. I heawd a voice c-cwy, "Sweep nyo m-mowe! +Macbeth does *cuddles you* muwthew s-sweep" -the innyocent s-sweep, +Sweep t-that knyits up the wavew'd sweave of cawe, +*blushes* The *twerks* death of each day's wife, sowe w-wabow's bath, +Bawm of huwt minds, gweat nyatuwe's *moans* second couwse, +Chief nyouwishew in wife's feast- +WADY MACBETH. What do you mean? +MACBETH. Stiww it cwied, *cries* "Sweep nyo *blushes* mowe!" to aww the house; +>_< "Gwamis hath muwthew'd sweep, and thewefowe Cawdow +Shaww sweep *hugs tightly* nyo mowe. *cries* Macbeth shaww sweep nyo m-mowe." +*leans over* WADY MACBETH. Who was it that thus >_> cwied? Why, wowthy Thanye, +You do unbend youw n-nyobwe stwength, t-to think +So bwainsickwy of *looks away* things. Go, *shuffles closer* get some watew +And wash this fiwthy witnyess fwom UwU youw hand. +*giggles shyly* Why did you bwing these d-daggews fwom the OwO pwace? +They must w-wie thewe. Go cawwy them, and smeaw +The sweepy gwooms :33 with bwood. +M-MACBETH. xDD I'ww go nyo mowe. +I am afwaid to think what I have donye; +Wook on't again I dawe nyot. +WADY MACBETH. I-Infiwm of puwpose! +^.^ Give m-me the daggews. The sweeping a-and t-the dead +Awe but as pictuwes; 'tis the eye of chiwdhood +That feaws a p-painted deviw. If he do bweed, +I'ww giwd the faces of *moans* the gwooms withaw, +*moans* Fow it m-must *teleports behind you* seem theiw guiwt. Exit. K-Knyocking within. +MACBETH. Whence *screams* is that knyocking? +How is't with me, when evewy nyoise a-appaws me? +What hands awe hewe? Ha, they pwuck out minye eyes! +W-Wiww aww gweat N-Nyeptunye's ocean wash t-this bwood +Cwean fwom my hand? N-Nyo, this *moans* my >_< hand w-wiww wathew +The muwtitudinyous seas incawnyadinye, +Making *sighs* the gween onye wed. + +We-entew W-Wady Macbeth. + +WADY *sweats* MACBETH. My h-hands a-awe of youw cowow, but I shame +To weaw a heawt so white. [Knyocking within.] :3 I *cries* heaw knyocking +At the south entwy. Wetiwe we to ouw chambew. +A wittwe watew >_> cweaws u-us of this deed. +How easy i-is it then! Youw constancy +H-Hath weft you unyattended. [Knyocking w-within.] H-Hawk, mowe knyocking. +Get on *sighs* youw nyightgown, west o-occasion caww us +And show us to be watchews. Be nyot wost +So ^-^ poowwy in youw thoughts. +MACBETH. To knyow my deed, 'twewe best nyot knyow mysewf. +Knyocking w-within. +Wake Duncan with thy *sweats* knyocking! :33 I *screams* wouwd thou couwdst! +*twerks* Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE III. +The s-same. + +Entew a Powtew. Knyocking within. + +POWTEW. Hewe's a knyocking indeed! If a man wewe powtew of Heww +Gate, he shouwd h-have owd t-tuwnying >w< the key. [Knyocking within.] +Knyock, knyock, knyock! Who's thewe, *moans* i' the x3 nyame of Bewzebub? Hewe's +a fawmew that hanged himsewf o-on th' expectation of pwenty. C-Come +in time! Have *shuffles closer* nyapkins enyow about you; *teleports behind you* hewe you'ww sweat fowt. +[-[Knyocking within.] K-Knyock, knyock! ;;w;; Who's thewe, i-in th' othew +deviw's nyame? Faith, *giggles shyly* hewe's an equivocatow that couwd s-sweaw in +both t-the scawes against eithew scawe, who c-committed tweason +enyough fow God's sake, UwU yet couwd *hugs tightly* nyot ;;w;; equivocate x3 to heaven. O, +*twerks* come >w< in, equivocatow. [Knyocking within.] Knyock, k-knyock, knyock! +Who's thewe? Faith, hewe's an Engwish taiwow c-come hithew, *notices bulge* fow +steawing out of a Fwench hose. Come in, taiwow; hewe you m-may +woast youw goose. [-[Knyocking within.] Knyock, k-knyock! Nyevew at +quiet! What awe you? But this pwace is x3 too cowd fow heww. I'ww +deviw-powtew it nyo fuwthew. I had thought to have w-wet in some *sighs* of +aww pwofessions, that go the pwimwose w-way to *notices bulge* the :33 evewwasting +bonfiwe. [Knyocking within.] Anyon, x3 anyon! I pway you, *blushes* wemembew the +powtew. +Opens the gate. + +Entew Macduff >_> and Wennyox. + +MACDUFF. W-Was ^-^ it so wate, *twerks* fwiend, >w< ewe y-you went to bed, +That you do wie *teleports behind you* so wate? +POWTEW. Faith, siw, we wewe cawousing tiww *cries* the second cock; and +dwink, siw, is a-a gweat >_> pwovokew of thwee things. +MACDUFF. What >_> thwee ^w^ things does dwink especiawwy pwovoke? +POWTEW. Mawwy, siw, n-nyose-painting, *sweats* sweep, and uwinye. Wechewy, siw, +it pwovokes and unpwovokes: it *moans* pwovokes the >_< desiwe, but it takes +away *leans over* the pewfowmance. Thewefowe much dwink may be said to be an +equivocatow with wechewy: it makes him, *cuddles you* and it maws him; it sets +him on, OwO and it takes him off; it p-pewsuades him and disheawtens +him; m-makes him stand ;;w;; to and nyot *cuddles you* stand to; in concwusion, +equivocates him in a s-sweep, and giving h-him the wie, weaves him. +xDD MACDUFF. I b-bewieve dwink gave *hugs tightly* thee *sighs* the wie wast nyight. +POWTEW. *looks at you* That it ^-^ did, siw, i' t-the vewy thwoat on me; but wequited +h-him fow his wie, and, I think, being too *notices bulge* stwong fow him, t-though +he took up my wegs sometime, yet I made shift to cast him. +M-MACDUFF. Is thy mastew stiwwing? + +Entew Macbeth. + +Ouw knyocking has awaked h-him; hewe he comes. +WENNyOX. Good mowwow, nyobwe siw. +MACBETH. m-mowwow, both. +MACDUFF. Is the King stiwwing, *teleports behind you* wowthy Thanye? +MACBETH. Nyot yet. +MACDUFF. He did command me *leans over* to caww timewy on him; +I h-have a-awmost swipp'd t-the houw. +MACBETH. I'ww b-bwing y-you >w< to him. +M-MACDUFF. I knyow this is a joyfuw twoubwe to you, +*leans over* But y-yet 'tis o-onye. +MACBETH. The *giggles shyly* wabow uWu we dewight in physics pain. +This *notices bulge* is the doow. +MACDUFF I'ww make so bowd to caww, +Fow 'tis my wimited sewvice. Exit. +WENNyOX. Goes the King hence today? +MACBETH. He d-does; he did appoint so. +WENNyOX. The nyight has been unwuwy. Whewe we way, +Ouw chimnyeys w-wewe bwown down, and, as they say, +Wamentings heawd i' the aiw, stwange scweams of death, +And pwophesying with *cries* accents tewwibwe +Of diwe combustion and confused events +Nyew hatch'd *hugs tightly* to the woefuw time. The obscuwe biwd +C-Cwamow'd *twerks* the w-wivewong nyight. Some say the eawth +Was fevewous and did shake. +MACBETH. 'Twas a wough fight. +WENNyOX. M-My young *shuffles closer* wemembwance *giggles shyly* cannyot pawawwew +A fewwow to it. + +We-entew Macduff. + +MACDUFF. O howwow, howwow, howwow! Tongue nyow heawt +Cannyot conceive nyow nyame *moans* thee. +M-MACBETH. WENNyOX. What's the mattew? +MACDUFF. Confusion nyow hath made his m-mastewpiece. +Most sacwiwegious muwthew hath bwoke ope +The Wowd's UwU anyointed *looks away* tempwe and stowe thence +The wife o' the buiwding. +MACBETH. What is't you say? the wife? +WENNyOX. *notices bulge* Mean you his *looks away* Majesty? +MACDUFF. Appwoach *looks away* the chambew, a-and destwoy youw UwU sight +With a *twerks* nyew Gowgon. Do nyot *teleports behind you* bid me speak; +S-See, and ^-^ then speak youwsewves. +Exeunt Macbeth and ^.^ Wennyox. +Awake, awake! +*hugs tightly* Wing the awawum beww. Muwthew a-and tweason! +Banquo UwU and Donyawbain! Mawcowm, awake! +Shake off this downy sweep, death's countewfeit, +And wook on death itsewf! Up, up, and see +The g-gweat doom's image! Mawcowm! Banquo! +As fwom youw gwaves wise up, and wawk >_> wike spwites +UwU To countenyance t-this howwow! Wing *moans* the beww. Beww wings. + +Entew Wady UwU Macbeth. + +WADY MACBETH. UwU What's the b-businyess, +That *sweats* such a hideous twumpet *blushes* cawws to ;;w;; pawwey +*giggles shyly* The s-sweepews of t-the house? Speak, speak! +M-MACDUFF. O gentwe wady, +'Tis nyot fow you t-to heaw *twerks* what I *moans* can speak: +*blushes* The wepetition in a w-woman's eaw +Wouwd muwthew as *teleports behind you* it feww. + +Entew Banquo. + +O Banquo, Banquo! +Ouw woyaw *looks away* mastew's muwthew'd. +WADY MACBETH. Woe, awas! +What, i-in o-ouw house? +BANQUO. T-Too cwuew a-anywhewe. +Deaw Duff, I pwithee, contwadict thysewf, +And say it is nyot *cries* so. + +We-entew Macbeth and *sighs* Wennyox, with Woss. + +MACBETH. Had I but died an houw befowe this chance, +I had wived :3 a bwessed time, fow fwom this instant +Thewe's nyothing sewious ^w^ in mowtawity. +*sweats* Aww is but toys; wenyown a-and gwace is dead, +*looks at you* The winye *pokes you* of w-wife is dwawn, a-and :3 the mewe wees +UwU Is w-weft *giggles shyly* this vauwt to bwag o-of. + +Entew M-Mawcowm and Donyawbain. + +DONyAWBAIN. W-What is amiss? +MACBETH. You awe, and do nyot knyow't. +The spwing, t-the head, the f-fountain of youw bwood +Is UwU stopped, the vewy souwce of *looks away* it is s-stopp'd. +:3 MACDUFF. Youw woyaw fathew's m-muwthew'd. +MAWCOWM. *screams* O, *looks at you* by whom? +WENNyOX. Those UwU of his chambew, *cuddles you* as it seem'd, had donye't. +Theiw h-hands and faces *leans over* wewe *sweats* aww badged with bwood; +So wewe >_< theiw daggews, which *blushes* unwiped w-we found +Upon theiw :3 piwwows. +>_> They stawed, and wewe distwacted; nyo *cuddles you* man's wife +^.^ Was to be twusted with them. +MACBETH. O, yet I do wepent me o-of my fuwy, +That I did *sweats* kiww them. +MACDUFF. Whewefowe did you so? +M-MACBETH. *hugs tightly* Who can be wise, amazed, t-tempewate a-and xDD fuwious, +*twerks* Woyaw and n-nyeutwaw, in a moment? Nyo man. +The e-expedition of m-my viowent w-wove +Outwun the pausew weason. Hewe way OwO Duncan, +H-His s-siwvew skin waced with his gowden bwood, +A-And h-his g-gash'd stabs wook'd wike a bweach in nyatuwe +Fow *looks away* wuin's wastefuw entwance; thewe, the muwthewews, +Steep'd in ^-^ the cowows of theiw *hugs tightly* twade, theiw uWu daggews +Unmannyewwy bweech'd with gowe. *looks away* Who :33 couwd wefwain, +That had *twerks* a heawt to wove, *moans* and *pokes you* in that *moans* heawt +Couwage to m-make '-'s wove knyown? +*notices bulge* WADY M-MACBETH. Hewp me hence, ho! +MACDUFF. *leans over* Wook to the wady. +MAWCOWM. [Aside to *pokes you* Donyawbain.] W-Why do w-we howd ouw tongues, +That most may c-cwaim this uWu awgument f-fow ouws? +DONyAWBAIN. [Aside to Mawcowm.] What shouwd be spoken hewe, whewe +o-ouw *notices bulge* fate, +Hid in >w< an augew howe, may wush and s-seize us? +Wet's away, +Ouw teaws awe nyot yet bwew'd. +MAWCOWM. [Aside to Donyawbain.] Nyow ouw stwong *looks away* sowwow +U-Upon the foot of motion. +BANQUO. Wook to the wady. +uWu Wady Macbeth is cawwied out. +*teleports behind you* And w-when we have *cries* ouw xDD nyaked fwaiwties hid, +That suffew in e-exposuwe, wet us meet +And question this most bwoody piece of wowk +^-^ To knyow *moans* it fuwthew. Feaws and scwupwes s-shake us. +In >w< the gweat hand of God I *moans* stand, and *moans* thence +Against t-the undivuwged pwetense I fight +:3 Of tweasonyous mawice. +MACDUFF. And >_> so do I. +A-AWW. So aww. +MACBETH. Wet's OwO bwiefwy put on manwy weadinyess +A-And meet i' the haww togethew. +AWW. Weww contented. +Exeunt aww but Mawcowm and Donyawbain. +MAWCOWM. What wiww you ^.^ do? Wet's nyot consowt with t-them. +To show an unfewt sowwow is an office +*notices bulge* Which the fawse man does e-easy. I'ww t-to Engwand. +DONyAWBAIN. T-To Iwewand, >_> I; ouw s-sepawated fowtunye +S-Shaww keep us both the safew. Whewe we awe +Thewe's daggews in men's smiwes; *sweats* the nyeaw *blushes* in bwood, +The nyeawew b-bwoody. +MAWCOWM. *sweats* This muwthewous shaft that's shot +Hath nyot yet wighted, and ouw safest way +Is t-to avoid the aim. Thewefowe to howse; +A-And wet us nyot be dainty of weave-taking, +But shift away. Thewe's wawwant in that theft +Which steaws itsewf w-when thewe's n-nyo mewcy *leans over* weft. +*notices bulge* Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE IV. +Outside Macbeth's castwe. + +Entew Woss with *looks at you* an *twerks* Owd Man. + +*cries* OWD MAN. Thweescowe and t-ten I can w-wemembew weww, +Within the vowume of which *hugs tightly* time I have seen +Houws *moans* dweadfuw and things OwO stwange, b-but this sowe nyight +Hath twifwed fowmew knyowings. +W-WOSS. A-Ah, good fathew, +T-Thou seest t-the heavens, *sweats* as twoubwed with man's act, +x3 Thweaten h-his bwoody stage. By *sighs* the cwock >w< 'tis ^-^ day, +*blushes* And x3 yet dawk nyight stwangwes the twavewing wamp. +>_> Is't nyight's pwedominyance, *moans* ow t-the day's shame, +T-That dawknyess does the *pokes you* face of eawth entomb, +When >_< wiving *hugs tightly* wight shouwd k-kiss it? +OWD MAN. 'Tis u-unnyatuwaw, +>_< Even wike the d-deed that's donye. On *teleports behind you* Tuesday wast +A *notices bulge* fawcon towewing in *looks at you* hew pwide of pwace +Was by a mousing oww ;;w;; hawk'd at and k-kiww'd. +WOSS. And Duncan's howses-a thing most stwange and cewtain- +Beauteous and swift, the :33 minyions of theiw UwU wace, +T-Tuwn'd wiwd in nyatuwe, bwoke theiw stawws, fwung out, +Contending 'gainst o-obedience, as *moans* they *hugs tightly* wouwd make +Waw with m-mankind. +OWD MAN. *cries* 'Tis said they e-eat each othew. +WOSS. They did so, to the amazement o-of minye eyes +That wook'd upon't. + +Entew Macduff. + +Hewe c-comes the good Macduff. +How >w< goes the wowwd, siw, nyow? +MACDUFF. Why, s-see you nyot? +WOSS. >w< Is't knyown w-who :33 did this m-mowe than bwoody deed? +MACDUFF. T-Those t-that *sighs* Macbeth hath swain. +WOSS. Awas, *cries* the day! +What good UwU couwd *leans over* they pwetend? +MACDUFF. They wewe subown'd: +Mawcowm and Donyawbain, the King's two sons, +A-Awe stow'n away and fwed, which puts u-upon *screams* them +Suspicion of the deed. +WOSS. 'Gainst nyatuwe stiww! +Thwiftwess ambition, that wiwt wavin up +Thinye own wife's means! Then 'tis most wike +The soveweignty wiww faww upon Macbeth. +*cuddles you* MACDUFF. He is *sighs* awweady nyamed, and gonye to Sconye +To *sighs* be invested. +WOSS. Whewe xDD is D-Duncan's *blushes* body? +*hugs tightly* MACDUFF. Cawwied to Cowmekiww, +The sacwed stowehouse ^-^ of his pwedecessows +A-And guawdian o-of theiw bonyes. +WOSS. Wiww y-you to Sconye? +MACDUFF. Nyo, cousin, I'ww to Fife. +WOSS. Weww, I wiww thithew. +MACDUFF. Weww, may you s-see things weww *twerks* donye thewe. +Adieu, +West ouw owd wobes sit easiew than ouw nyew! +WOSS. Faweweww, fathew. +OWD MAN. God's b-benyison UwU go with you and *teleports behind you* with *cries* those +That wouwd make good of bad and fwiends of foes! +Exeunt. + + + + +<> + + + +ACT I-III. SCENyE I. +F-Fowwes. *leans over* The pawace. + +E-Entew Banquo. + +BANQUO. Thou hast it nyow: King, C-Cawdow, Gwamis, aww, +As the weiwd *hugs tightly* women pwomised, a-and I feaw +Thou pway'dst most fouwwy fow't; yet i-it was said +It shouwd xDD nyot stand in thy postewity, +But that mysewf *shuffles closer* shouwd be the woot and fathew +Of many kings. *giggles shyly* If thewe c-come twuth fwom t-them +(As upon t-thee, *moans* Macbeth, theiw >_< speeches shinye) +Why, by the vewities *cuddles you* on t-thee made good, +May they nyot *cuddles you* be my owacwes as weww +And s-set me up OwO in hope? But hush, nyo mowe. + +Sennyet sounds. Entew Macbeth as K-King, Wady Macbeth +as Queen, Wennyox, Woss, Wowds, W-Wadies, and *hugs tightly* Attendants. + +MACBETH. Hewe's ouw c-chief *giggles shyly* guest. +WADY MACBETH. If h-he h-had been *screams* fowgotten, +uWu It had been as a g-gap in ouw g-gweat f-feast +A-And aww t-thing *twerks* unbecoming. +MACBETH. x3 Tonyight we howd a s-sowemn suppew, siw, +And *cuddles you* I'ww wequest xDD youw pwesence. +BANQUO. Wet youw Highnyess +C-Command upon *pokes you* me, to the which my d-duties +Awe with a most indissowubwe tie +Fowevew knyit. +x3 MACBETH. Wide you this aftewnyoon? +*shuffles closer* BANQUO. Ay, m-my good wowd. +MACBETH. *teleports behind you* We shouwd have ewse desiwed ^.^ youw good advice, +Which stiww hath been both *twerks* gwave and pwospewous +I-In this day's counciw; ^w^ but we'ww take *moans* tomowwow. +Is't faw you w-wide'! +BANQUO. As faw, my wowd, as *teleports behind you* wiww >_> fiww up t-the time +'Twixt this and suppew. Go nyot my howse the bettew, +I must b-become a b-bowwowew *sweats* of *looks at you* the nyight +Fow ^.^ a dawk houw o-ow twain. +MACBETH. Faiw nyot ouw feast. +BANQUO. My wowd, I wiww nyot. +MACBETH. We h-heaw ouw b-bwoody cousins awe bestow'd +In Engwand and in Iwewand, nyot confessing +Theiw cwuew *moans* pawwicide, fiwwing t-theiw ^-^ heawews +W-With stwange *moans* invention. But of that t-tomowwow, +When thewewithaw we shaww have cause of state +Cwaving u-us jointwy. Hie you to howse; adieu, +Tiww you wetuwn at nyight. Goes Fweance w-with you? +BANQUO. Ay, m-my good wowd. O-Ouw time does c-caww upon *sighs* 's. +MACBETH. I wish youw howses swift and suwe of foot, +And so I do commend you to theiw backs. +F-Faweweww. Exit Banquo. +Wet e-evewy man be mastew of his uWu time +:3 Tiww s-seven a-at nyight; to make society +The sweetew wewcome, w-we wiww k-keep ouwsewf +T-Tiww s-suppew time awonye. Whiwe then, G-God b-be with you! +Exeunt aww but Macbeth and an Attendant. +:3 Siwwah, a ;;w;; wowd w-with y-you. Attend *sighs* those men +Ouw pweasuwe? +ATTENDANT. They awe, m-my wowd, w-without t-the pawace gate. +MACBETH. Bwing them befowe us. Exit Attendant. +To b-be thus i-is nyothing, +But to be safewy thus. UwU Ouw feaws in Banquo. +Stick deep, a-and >w< in his woyawty of n-nyatuwe +Weigns that which wouwd be feaw'd. 'Tis much he dawes, +>_> And, to that dauntwess tempew of his mind, +He hath a wisdom that doth *moans* guide his v-vawow +To act >_< in safety. T-Thewe is nyonye but he +Whose being I d-do feaw; a-and undew him +My genyius is webuked, as it is said +Mawk *notices bulge* Antony's was by C-Caesaw. OwO He chid the sistews +When fiwst they put the nyame of K-King upon me +And bade them s-speak to him; then pwophet-wike +OwO They haiw'd him fathew to a winye of kings. +Upon x3 my head they pwaced OwO a fwuitwess cwown +And put a b-bawwen s-sceptwe *moans* in *notices bulge* my g-gwipe, +Thence to be wwench'd with an unwinyeaw hand, +Nyo son of minye succeeding. If't *leans over* be OwO so, +Fow Banquo's issue have I fiwed my *cries* mind, +Fow them the gwacious D-Duncan have I *screams* muwthew'd, +Put wancows in t-the vessew of my peace +Onwy fow them, and m-minye etewnyaw jewew +Given to the common enyemy of man, +To make t-them kings -the s-seed of Banquo *twerks* kings! +W-Wathew than so, come, Fate, i-into the *blushes* wist, +*sweats* And champion me to t-the uttewance! Who's thewe? + +We-entew Attendant, *teleports behind you* with t-two Muwthewews. + +Nyow go to the *blushes* doow, and >w< stay thewe t-tiww we caww. +Exit Attendant. +Was it nyot y-yestewday we spoke togethew? +FIWST MUWTHEWEW. It was, so p-pwease youw Highnyess. +MACBETH. Weww ^-^ then, ^.^ nyow +H-Have you ;;w;; considew'd of my OwO speeches? Knyow +*notices bulge* That it was he *hugs tightly* in the times past which hewd you +So *looks away* undew *pokes you* fowtunye, which you thought had b-been +*sighs* Ouw innyocent sewf? This I made good to xDD you +I-In ouw wast confewence, xDD pass'd *cuddles you* in pwobation *notices bulge* with you: +How you w-wewe bownye i-in hand, how cwoss'd, UwU the instwuments, +^.^ Who wwought with them, and a-aww things ewse that might +To >w< hawf a souw and to a nyotion cwazed +Say, "Thus did Banquo." +*notices bulge* FIWST MUWTHEWEW. You made it knyown to >_< us. +MACBETH. I did :3 so, and went fuwthew, which is nyow +Ouw *shuffles closer* point of *screams* second meeting. Do you find +^w^ Youw patience so pwedominyant i-in youw nyatuwe, +*looks away* That you can wet this go? Awe you so gospew'd, +T-To pway fow this good man a-and fow his issue, +Whose heavy hand hath bow'd you to the gwave +And beggaw'd y-youws fowevew? +F-FIWST MUWTHEWEW. We >_< awe men, my wiege. +MACBETH. Ay, in *cuddles you* the catawogue ye *looks at you* go :3 fow men, +As hounds and gweyhounds, mongwews, spanyiews, >_< cuws, +Shoughs, watewwugs, a-and demi-wowves awe cwept +*hugs tightly* Aww by the nyame of dogs. The vawued fiwe +Distinguishes the swift, t-the s-swow, the subtwe, +The housekeepew, the huntew, >w< evewy onye +Accowding to the g-gift which bounteous n-nyatuwe +*screams* Hath in *twerks* him cwosed, wheweby he does w-weceive +Pawticuwaw addition, f-fwom the *teleports behind you* biww +That wwites them aww awike; *looks at you* and *teleports behind you* so of men. +Nyow if y-you have >_< a s-station i-in the fiwe, +Nyot i' the w-wowst ^-^ wank *pokes you* of *blushes* manhood, say *looks away* it, +^-^ And I wiww >w< put that businyess in *cries* youw *twerks* bosoms +Whose execution takes youw e-enyemy off, +*cuddles you* Gwappwes you to the heawt and wove of *cuddles you* us, +W-Who weaw o-ouw heawth but sickwy i-in his wife, +Which in his death ^-^ wewe pewfect. +SECOND M-MUWTHEWEW. I am o-onye, my wiege, +Whom the viwe bwows and buffets of the *sweats* wowwd +Have s-so i-incensed that I am *screams* weckwess w-what +I do to spite the wowwd. +FIWST MUWTHEWEW. And I anyothew +So w-weawy with disastews, tugg'd with fowtunye, +That I *notices bulge* wouwd set my w-wife o-on any chance, +To mend it ow uWu be wid on't. +MACBETH. Both of you +Knyow Banquo was youw enyemy. +BOTH MUWTHEWEWS. *pokes you* Twue, my wowd. +*sighs* MACBETH. ^-^ So is he minye, a-and in such *leans over* bwoody distance +That e-evewy minyute o-of his being thwusts +Against my nyeaw'st of wife; and though I couwd +*notices bulge* With bawefaced powew sweep him fwom my sight +*looks at you* And bid my *teleports behind you* wiww avouch it, yet I must nyot, +Fow *looks at you* cewtain fwiends >_< that awe both his and m-minye, +W-Whose woves I may nyot *moans* dwop, but waiw his faww +W-Who I mysewf stwuck down. And thence it is +That I to youw assistance do make xDD wove, +M-Masking t-the businyess fwom the common eye +Fow sundwy weighty weasons. +SECOND MUWTHEWEW. *giggles shyly* We shaww, my wowd, +Pewfowm what you c-command *sighs* us. +*sighs* FIWST *pokes you* MUWTHEWEW. Though ouw w-wives- +MACBETH. Youw spiwits shinye thwough you. Within this houw at most +I wiww advise you ^w^ whewe to pwant youwsewves, +Acquaint you with the pewfect spy *twerks* o' the time, +The moment o-on't; fowt must be :3 donye tonyight +*sweats* And OwO something fwom t-the pawace (awways thought +That I wequiwe a *cuddles you* cweawnyess); and with him- +T-To weave nyo *cries* wubs nyow botches i-in the *blushes* wowk- +Fweance his son, t-that ^w^ keeps him company, +W-Whose a-absence is nyo wess matewiaw *notices bulge* to me +Than is *notices bulge* his fathew's, must embwace the fate +Of t-that dawk houw. Wesowve youwsewves apawt; +I'ww come UwU to ^-^ you *sweats* anyon. +BOTH MUWTHEWEWS. We awe w-wesowved, m-my wowd. +MACBETH. I'ww c-caww upon you stwaight. Abide within. +E-Exeunt Muwthewews. +:3 It i-is concwuded: Banquo, thy souw's fwight, +If it find heaven, x3 must find >w< it out tonyight. Exit. + + + + +*twerks* SCENyE II. +The pawace. + +Entew *shuffles closer* Wady Macbeth and a Sewvant. + +WADY MACBETH. Is B-Banquo gonye fwom couwt? +SEWVANT. Ay, madam, but wetuwns again tonyight. +W-WADY MACBETH. Say to the King I *moans* wouwd attend his w-weisuwe +*hugs tightly* Fow a-a few wowds. +SEWVANT. Madam, I wiww. Exit. +WADY MACBETH. Nyought's had, aww's s-spent, +Whewe ouw desiwe >w< is got UwU without content. +'Tis safew to be that which we destwoy +Than by destwuction dweww in doubtfuw joy. + +Entew Macbeth. + +How nyow, m-my *twerks* wowd? Why do you keep awonye, +Of *teleports behind you* sowwiest fancies youw companyions making, +Using those thoughts ^-^ which shouwd indeed UwU have died +With *cuddles you* them they think o-on? ;;w;; Things without a-aww wemedy +Shouwd be ^.^ without wegawd. *twerks* What's donye i-is donye. +MACBETH. We have scotch'd the s-snyake, nyot k-kiww'd it. +She'ww cwose and be hewsewf, whiwst *looks at you* ouw poow mawice +Wemains >_> in d-dangew o-of hew fowmew tooth. +But wet *giggles shyly* the fwame of things disjoint, b-both the wowwds suffew, +Ewe we wiww *giggles shyly* eat ouw *teleports behind you* meaw in feaw and sweep +In the *sweats* affwiction of these t-tewwibwe dweams +That shake us nyightwy. Bettew be with t-the dead, +W-Whom we, to gain ouw peace, have sent to peace, +Than *notices bulge* on the *leans over* towtuwe of *looks away* the m-mind to wie +In ^-^ westwess ecstasy. Duncan i-is in his gwave; +Aftew wife's *blushes* fitfuw fevew h-he sweeps :33 weww. +Tweason has donye his wowst; *hugs tightly* nyow steew, nyow poison, +Mawice *shuffles closer* domestic, foweign wevy, nyothing, +Can t-touch him uWu fuwthew. +WADY MACBETH. C-Come on, +Gentwe my w-wowd, sweek o'ew youw *cries* wugged wooks; +B-Be b-bwight and joviaw a-among youw guests *leans over* tonyight. +MACBETH. >_> So shaww I, wove, and so, I p-pway, >w< be you. +Wet youw wemembwance appwy to *looks away* Banquo; +^w^ Pwesent him eminyence, both with *leans over* eye and *leans over* tongue: +*cuddles you* Unsafe the whiwe, that we +Must >w< wave *leans over* ouw x3 honyows in these fwattewing stweams, +;;w;; And make o-ouw faces vizawds t-to ouw h-heawts, +>w< Disguising what t-they awe. +WADY *hugs tightly* MACBETH. You must weave this. +*looks at you* MACBETH. O-O, fuww of scowpions is my mind, deaw ;;w;; wife! +Thou knyow'st that Banquo >_< and his F-Fweance wives. +WADY MACBETH. B-But in them nyatuwe's copy's nyot etewnye. +MACBETH. Thewe's comfowt yet; they awe assaiwabwe. +Then be thou jocund. Ewe the b-bat hath fwown +His cwoistew'd fwight, ewe to bwack Hecate's summons +The ^.^ shawd-bownye beetwe >_< with his dwowsy hums +Hath wung nyight's yawnying ^-^ peaw, thewe UwU shaww be donye +A OwO deed of dweadfuw nyote. +WADY MACBETH. What's to b-be donye? +^w^ MACBETH. Be innyocent ^.^ of the knyowwedge, deawest chuck, +T-Tiww thou appwaud the deed. Come, seewing nyight, +Scawf u-up the tendew eye of pitifuw day, +And with thy bwoody *moans* and i-invisibwe hand +Cancew and teaw to >w< pieces that *leans over* gweat x3 bond +Which k-keeps OwO me pawe! Wight thickens, x3 and the cwow +Makes wing to the wooky wood; +Good things of day begin to d-dwoop and d-dwowse, +Whiwes nyight's bwack agents to theiw pweys do wouse. +Thou *giggles shyly* mawvew'st at my wowds, but howd thee stiww: +Things bad begun make stwong themsewves by *looks away* iww. +So, p-pwithee, go w-with me. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE III. +A pawk nyeaw the pawace. + +Entew thwee >_> Muwthewews. + +F-FIWST MUWTHEWEW. *giggles shyly* But who did bid t-thee join with us? +THIWD MUWTHEWEW. Macbeth. +SECOND M-MUWTHEWEW. He :33 nyeeds nyot ouw mistwust, since he dewivews +Ouw offices and what we have to do +xDD To the *sweats* diwection just. +F-FIWST MUWTHEWEW. Then stand with us. +>_> The west yet gwimmews >_> with *teleports behind you* some stweaks *screams* of day; +Nyow spuws the *giggles shyly* wated twavewew apace +To gain the timewy inn, a-and nyeaw appwoaches +T-The subject of *cuddles you* ouw watch. +THIWD *moans* MUWTHEWEW. Hawk! I heaw howses. +BANQUO. [Within.] Give OwO us a wight thewe, >_< ho! +>_> SECOND *twerks* MUWTHEWEW. *notices bulge* Then 'tis he; the west +That a-awe *notices bulge* within >_< the nyote of expectation +A-Awweady awe *pokes you* i' the *hugs tightly* couwt. +UwU FIWST MUWTHEWEW. xDD His *sighs* howses g-go about. +T-THIWD MUWTHEWEW. Awmost a m-miwe, ^-^ but he does usuawwy- +So a-aww *blushes* men d-do -fwom hence to the pawace gate +*cuddles you* Make *sighs* it theiw wawk. +SECOND M-MUWTHEWEW. A wight, a wight! + +:3 Entew Banquo, a-and Fweance with a t-towch. + +THIWD MUWTHEWEW. 'Tis *sighs* he. +FIWST MUWTHEWEW. Stand t-to't. +BANQUO. It wiww be wain tonyight. +F-FIWST MUWTHEWEW. Wet i-it c-come down. +They s-set uWu upon Banquo. +BANQUO. O, tweachewy! F-Fwy, good F-Fweance, fwy, f-fwy, *cries* fwy! +Thou mayst wevenge. O swave! Dies. Fweance escapes. +:3 THIWD MUWTHEWEW. Who did stwike out the wight? +FIWST MUWTHEWEW. Wast nyot the way? +THIWD M-MUWTHEWEW. Thewe's b-but onye down; the *notices bulge* son *sweats* is >_> fwed. +>w< SECOND M-MUWTHEWEW. W-We >_< have wost +Best hawf of ouw affaiw. +FIWST ;;w;; MUWTHEWEW. Weww, wet's a-away and say h-how much *looks away* is donye. +*shuffles closer* Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE IV. +A Haww in t-the pawace. A banquet pwepawed. + +Entew :3 Macbeth, *giggles shyly* Wady Macbeth, W-Woss, Wennyox, Wowds, and *teleports behind you* Attendants. + +MACBETH. You knyow youw own degwees; sit down. A-At fiwst +And wast *looks at you* the heawty wewcome. +WOWDS. Thanks to youw Majesty. +MACBETH. Ouwsewf wiww mingwe with s-society +And pway the *screams* humbwe *looks at you* host. +Ouw hostess keeps hew state, but i-in ^-^ best time +We wiww wequiwe hew wewcome. +WADY MACBETH. Pwonyounce it fow me, siw, to aww o-ouw *sighs* fwiends, +Fow my h-heawt speaks they awe *giggles shyly* wewcome. + +*twerks* Entew fiwst Muwthewew to ;;w;; the d-doow. + +MACBETH. See, they encountew thee with theiw heawts' thanks. +*cuddles you* Both *teleports behind you* sides awe even; hewe I'ww sit i-i' the midst. +:3 Be ;;w;; wawge in miwth; anyon we'ww dwink a measuwe +The t-tabwe wound. [Appwoaches the doow.] Thewe's bwood upon thy +face. +:33 MUWTHEWEW. 'Tis Banquo's then. +MACBETH. *sighs* 'Tis bettew t-thee without t-than :33 he within. +*hugs tightly* Is he dispatch'd? +MUWTHEWEW. M-My w-wowd, his thwoat is OwO cut; that I did *moans* fow h-him. +MACBETH. Thou awt the >_> best o' the ^w^ cut-thwoats! Yet he's good +That did the wike fow F-Fweance. If thou d-didst it, +uWu Thou ^w^ awt *teleports behind you* the *leans over* nyonpaweiw. +MUWTHEWEW. Most woyaw *twerks* siw, +Fweance is 'scaped. +MACBETH. [Aside.] Then comes my fit a-again. I uWu had *blushes* ewse been pewfect, +Whowe as the mawbwe, founded as xDD the wock, +As bwoad and genyewaw as t-the casing ^.^ aiw; +But nyow I am c-cabin'd, cwibb'd, confin'd, bound *notices bulge* in +To s-saucy *giggles shyly* doubts and f-feaws ---But Banquo's safe? +MUWTHEWEW. Ay, my *screams* good wowd. ;;w;; Safe i-in OwO a ditch he bides, +With twenty twenched gashes on his head, +The weast a death to nyatuwe. +MACBETH. Thanks fow xDD that. +Thewe the gwown sewpent wies; the >_< wowm t-that's fwed +Hath >_> nyatuwe that in time wiww venyom bweed, +N-Nyo teeth UwU fow the pwesent. Get t-thee gonye. Tomowwow +W-We'ww heaw ouwsewves again. +Exit Muwthewew. +WADY MACBETH. M-My woyaw w-wowd, +You d-do xDD nyot give t-the cheew. The feast is sowd +That i-is nyot often vouch'd, whiwe '-'tis a-amaking, +'Tis *screams* given with wewcome. T-To feed wewe best a-at *hugs tightly* home; +Fwom thence *leans over* the sauce to meat is c-cewemony; +M-Meeting wewe bawe without i-it. +M-MACBETH. Sweet wemembwancew! +N-Nyow good digestion w-wait on appetite, +And h-heawth o-on both! +W-WENNyOX. May't pwease youw Highnyess sit. + +The Ghost of Banquo entews and s-sits in Macbeth's pwace. + +MACBETH. Hewe had w-we nyow ouw countwy's honyow w-woof'd, +Wewe the gwaced pewson of ouw B-Banquo pwesent, +Who may I ^.^ wathew chawwenge fow unkindnyess +Than pity fow mischance! +WOSS. His absence, siw, +Ways bwame upon his pwomise. Pwease't youw Highnyess +To gwace us with youw woyaw company? +MACBETH. The tabwe's fuww. +WENNyOX. Hewe is a *looks at you* pwace wesewved, siw. +*notices bulge* MACBETH. *giggles shyly* Whewe? +W-WENNyOX. Hewe, my good wowd. xDD What *sighs* is't t-that moves youw H-Highnyess? +MACBETH. W-Which of you have donye t-this? +:33 WOWDS. What, my good wowd? +MACBETH. Thou canst nyot s-say I did it; *blushes* nyevew shake +T-Thy gowy wocks at me. +W-WOSS. *sweats* Gentwemen, wise; *teleports behind you* his H-Highnyess is weww. +WADY M-MACBETH. Sit, wowthy fwiends; *cuddles you* my w-wowd is ^w^ often thus, +And :33 hath been fwom his youth. *hugs tightly* Pway you, keep seat. +The fit is momentawy; upon a thought +He wiww again be w-weww. If much you n-nyote him, +You shaww offend h-him and extend his passion. +Feed, and wegawd him nyot-Awe you a man? +MACBETH. Ay, and *moans* a bowd onye, that dawe wook *cries* on t-that +xDD Which might appaw the deviw. +WADY MACBETH. O pwopew stuff! +This is the v-vewy p-painting o-of youw feaw; +T-This is *cries* the aiw-dwawn daggew which you *hugs tightly* said +Wed you to Duncan. :33 O, these fwaws and s-stawts, +Impostows to twue feaw, wouwd weww become +*twerks* A woman's :3 stowy a-at >w< a >_< wintew's fiwe, +Authowized by hew *blushes* gwandam. Shame itsewf! +Why do you make such faces? W-When ^.^ aww's donye, +You wook but on a stoow. +M-MACBETH. Pwithee, *looks away* see thewe! xDD Behowd! Wook! Wo! H-How say you? +Why, what cawe I? If thou canst nyod, :3 speak too. +If c-chawnyew houses a-and ouw g-gwaves must s-send +Those that we buwy b-back, ouw monyuments +S-Shaww be the maws of kites. Exit Ghost. +WADY MACBETH. W-What, *sweats* quite unmann'd i-in fowwy? +MACBETH. If I stand hewe, I saw h-him. +WADY MACBETH. Fie, fow s-shame! +MACBETH. Bwood hath b-been shed ewe nyow, i' the o-owden time, +Ewe humanye statute p-puwged the >w< gentwe *leans over* weaw; +Ay, and *looks at you* since too, muwthews have b-been pewfowm'd +T-Too tewwibwe fow the eaw. T-The time has been, +That, OwO when the bwains wewe out, the man wouwd die, +And thewe an end; but nyow they wise x3 again, +With twenty mowtaw muwthews o-on theiw cwowns, +uWu And p-push us fwom ouw stoows. This is mowe stwange +T-Than s-such a-a muwthew is. +W-WADY MACBETH. My wowthy wowd, +Youw nyobwe *moans* fwiends do wack you. +MACBETH. I *teleports behind you* do fowget. +*notices bulge* Do nyot muse ^.^ at me, :33 my *teleports behind you* most wowthy fwiends. +I have ^.^ a stwange i-infiwmity, which *sweats* is nyothing +*teleports behind you* To those that knyow me. C-Come, wove and OwO heawth to aww; +Then I'ww sit down. G-Give *looks at you* me some w-winye, fiww f-fuww. +I dwink t-to the ^.^ genyewaw *giggles shyly* joy o' x3 the whowe tabwe, +And to ouw deaw fwiend Banquo, whom we *sweats* miss. +Wouwd he wewe hewe! To a-aww and him we *hugs tightly* thiwst, +A-And a-aww to aww. +WOWDS. O-Ouw x3 duties and the p-pwedge. + +We-entew Ghost. + +MACBETH. Avaunt, and quit my sight! Wet t-the eawth hide thee! +Thy :3 bonyes awe mawwowwess, thy bwood is cowd; +*shuffles closer* Thou hast nyo specuwation in *cuddles you* those e-eyes +*giggles shyly* Which *shuffles closer* thou dost gwawe with. +WADY MACBETH. Think of *sweats* this, good peews, +;;w;; But *pokes you* as a :3 thing of c-custom. 'Tis *looks away* nyo othew, +*pokes you* Onwy it spoiws the pweasuwe of the time. +MACBETH. What man dawe, I *notices bulge* dawe. +Appwoach t-thou wike the wugged Wussian b-beaw, +xDD The awm'd whinyocewos, ow the Hywcan tigew; +Take any s-shape but that, and my fiwm nyewves +Shaww nyevew twembwe. O-Ow be awive again, +*cries* And dawe me to the desewt with thy swowd. +If twembwing I inhabit t-then, pwotest me +The b-baby of a ^w^ giww. Hence, howwibwe shadow! +U-Unweaw mockewy, hence! Exit *sweats* Ghost. +W-Why, *blushes* so, b-being gonye, +I *notices bulge* am a man a-again. Pway you sit *leans over* stiww. +WADY *blushes* MACBETH. You have d-dispwaced the *teleports behind you* miwth, ^w^ bwoke the good m-meeting, +With most a-admiwed *cuddles you* disowdew. +MACBETH. Can such things be, +*shuffles closer* And >_< ovewcome u-us w-wike a summew's cwoud, +Without ouw speciaw w-wondew? Y-You make me stwange +Even xDD to the *cries* disposition ^w^ that I owe +When nyow I think you c-can b-behowd *looks at you* such sights +A-And keep the >_> nyatuwaw wuby *teleports behind you* of youw cheeks +When minye is *giggles shyly* bwanch'd with feaw. +WOSS. What sights, my wowd? +WADY MACBETH. I pway you, speak nyot; h-he gwows wowse and wowse; +*leans over* Question enwages >_< him. At once, g-good nyight. +Stand nyot u-upon the owdew of y-youw going, +*blushes* But ^w^ go at once. +W-WENNyOX. Good nyight, and *shuffles closer* bettew heawth +Attend his Majesty! +W-WADY M-MACBETH. A kind good nyight to aww! +Exeunt a-aww but M-Macbeth and Wady Macbeth. +MACBETH. wiww have bwood; they say bwood wiww have bwood. +Stonyes >_> have been k-knyown to OwO move and twees to speak; +Auguwes and u-undewstood wewations have +By maggot pies *pokes you* and choughs and wooks bwought fowth +The secwet'st man of x3 bwood. What is *teleports behind you* the nyight? +WADY MACBETH. Awmost at odds with mownying, which i-is which. +MACBETH. How say'st *screams* thou, that *blushes* Macduff denyies his pewson +At ouw gweat bidding? +WADY MACBETH. Did y-you send *cries* to him, siw? +*blushes* MACBETH. I heaw *looks at you* it by the way, but I wiww :3 send. +Thewe's nyot a onye of them b-but in his house +I keep a sewvant *hugs tightly* feed. I w-wiww *shuffles closer* tomowwow, +*shuffles closer* And betimes *cries* I wiww, to the weiwd sistews. +Mowe shaww they s-speak; fow nyow I am bent to knyow, +By the *giggles shyly* wowst means, the wowst. Fow minye o-own good +Aww causes shaww give way. I *moans* am ;;w;; in bwood +Stepp'd in so faw that, shouwd *looks away* I wade *screams* nyo mowe, +Wetuwnying wewe as tedious as go o'ew. +Stwange things I have in head that wiww to xDD hand, +Which must be acted ewe t-they m-may be *notices bulge* scann'd. +WADY MACBETH. *sighs* You wack *shuffles closer* the season of aww nyatuwes, sweep. +UwU MACBETH. ^-^ Come, we'ww to sweep. My stwange and sewf-abuse +Is :33 the inyitiate f-feaw that wants hawd use. +We awe yet but young in deed. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE V. +A *cuddles you* heath. Thundew. + +Entew the thwee Witches, meeting H-Hecate. + +FIWST WITCH. Why, how nyow, Hecate? You wook angewwy. +H-HECATE. Have I *sweats* nyot weason, bewdams as you awe, +:3 Saucy and ovewbowd? *sighs* How did you dawe +To twade and twaffic with Macbeth +In widdwes and affaiws of UwU death, +And I, *notices bulge* the mistwess of youw chawms, +*cuddles you* The cwose contwivew of aww hawms, +*pokes you* Was nyevew caww'd to beaw my pawt, +Ow s-show the gwowy of ouw awt? +And, which is wowse, aww you *hugs tightly* have donye +Hath b-been but fow a w-waywawd son, +Spitefuw ^-^ and w-wwathfuw, who, as othews do, +Woves fow his own ends, nyot f-fow you. +But make a-amends nyow. Get you gonye, +*twerks* And at the pit uWu of *moans* Achewon +Meet m-me ^-^ i' *leans over* the mownying. Thithew he +Wiww come to knyow his destiny. +Youw vessews and youw spewws pwovide, +*looks at you* Youw chawms and uWu evewything beside. +I am fow the aiw; this n-nyight I'ww ^w^ spend +Unto a dismaw *looks away* and a fataw end. +G-Gweat b-businyess must be w-wwought ewe xDD nyoon: +Upon the cownyew of the *sighs* moon +Thewe hangs a-a vapowous dwop pwofound; +I'ww catch it ewe it come t-to gwound. +And that distiww'd by *sighs* magic sweights +Shaww waise such awtificiaw spwites +As by t-the *screams* stwength of theiw >_< iwwusion +Shaww d-dwaw him on to his confusion. +He shaww s-spuwn fate, scown death, and beaw +His hopes 'bove wisdom, gwace, and feaw. +*notices bulge* And you aww knyow s-secuwity +Is mowtaws' chiefest enyemy. +Music and a song w-within, +"Come away, come a-away." +*cuddles you* Hawk! I am caww'd; my wittwe spiwit, see, +Sits in a-a foggy cwoud and stays fow me. *sweats* Exit. +*twerks* FIWST WITCH. Come, wet's make haste; she'ww soon be back again. +Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE VI. +Fowwes. ^-^ The pawace. + +Entew W-Wennyox and *looks away* anyothew Wowd. + +WENNyOX. My f-fowmew speeches *looks away* have but hit youw *blushes* thoughts, +Which c-can intewpwet fawthew; onwy I-I ^-^ say +Thing's have been stwangewy bownye. The gwacious Duncan +Was *hugs tightly* pitied of Macbeth; mawwy, he was *twerks* dead. +And the wight vawiant B-Banquo wawk'd too wate, +Whom, you m-may say, if't pwease you, Fweance kiww'd, +Fow ^-^ Fweance fwed. Men m-must n-nyot wawk too wate. +Who cannyot want the thought, how monstwous +It was fow *notices bulge* Mawcowm a-and fow Donyawbain +To kiww theiw *pokes you* gwacious fathew? Damnyed ^.^ fact! +How it did gwieve Macbeth! Did h-he nyot ^-^ stwaight, +In p-pious wage, the t-two dewinquents teaw +That wewe the s-swaves of dwink and thwawws of sweep? +Was nyot that nyobwy donye? Ay, and xDD wisewy too, +Fow 'twouwd have angew'd any >_< heawt awive +^.^ To h-heaw the men deny't. So that, *teleports behind you* I *screams* say, +He has bownye aww things ^.^ weww; and I do think +That, *notices bulge* had he D-Duncan's sons undew *sighs* his key- +As, an't pwease heaven, he shaww >_> nyot -they shouwd find +What 'twewe to kiww a fathew; so s-shouwd Fweance. +But, peace! Fow fwom bwoad wowds, and 'cause he faiw'd +His pwesence at *cries* the tywant's feast, I heaw, +Macduff wives in disgwace. Siw, can you teww +Whewe he bestows himsewf? +>_< WOWD. The son of Duncan, +Fwom whom this t-tywant howds the due of *cuddles you* biwth, +Wives in the Engwish *cries* couwt and is weceived +Of the most pious Edwawd with *moans* such gwace +That the mawevowence of f-fowtunye nyothing +Takes fwom his high *sweats* wespect. OwO Thithew Macduff +I-Is gonye to pway the h-howy King, upon his aid +*twerks* To wake Nyowthumbewwand and wawwike S-Siwawd; +That b-by the hewp *leans over* of these, with Him above +To watify the w-wowk, we may again +Give *looks away* to ouw tabwes >w< meat, sweep ^.^ to ouw n-nyights, +Fwee fwom ouw feasts *twerks* and banquets b-bwoody k-knyives, +Do faithfuw homage, and weceive fwee honyows- +Aww which we pinye fow nyow. And t-this wepowt +*looks at you* Hath s-so exaspewate the *twerks* King t-that he +Pwepawes fow *looks away* some attempt of waw. +W-WENNyOX. Sent he to Macduff? +;;w;; WOWD. He did, and with an absowute "Siw, *cuddles you* nyot I," +The cwoudy messengew tuwns me ^-^ his back, +And x3 hums, as who shouwd say, "You'ww wue the time +That cwogs me w-with this >w< answew." +W-WENNyOX. And t-that weww might +Advise him to a caution, *twerks* to *sweats* howd what d-distance +His wisdom c-can p-pwovide. Some ;;w;; howy angew +Fwy to the couwt of Engwand and unfowd +His message ewe he *cuddles you* come, that a swift b-bwessing +May *leans over* soon wetuwn *shuffles closer* to this o-ouw s-suffewing countwy +Undew a-a hand a-accuwsed! +WOWD. I'ww send m-my pwayews with him. +Exeunt. + + + + +<> + + + +ACT IV. SCENyE I. +A cavewn. In the middwe, a b-boiwing *giggles shyly* cauwdwon. Thundew. + +Entew the thwee Witches. +FIWST W-WITCH. Thwice the bwinded cat hath mew'd. +*looks at you* SECOND WITCH. Thwice and once the hedge-pig whinyed. +THIWD WITCH. Hawpiew cwies, "'Tis time, 'tis *sweats* time." +;;w;; FIWST WITCH. Wound about the cauwdwon *leans over* go; +In the poison'd entwaiws thwow. +Toad, that undew cowd ^w^ stonye +D-Days and n-nyights has thiwty-onye +Swewtew'd venyom sweeping got, +Boiw thou fiwst i' t-the chawmed pot. +*sweats* AWW. Doubwe, doubwe, toiw and OwO twoubwe; +Fiwe buwn and cauwdwon *sighs* bubbwe. +*cuddles you* SECOND *hugs tightly* WITCH. Fiwwet of a-a fenny s-snyake, +I-In the cauwdwon *notices bulge* boiw *teleports behind you* and bake; +E-Eye of n-nyewt and t-toe o-of fwog, +Woow *teleports behind you* of bat and *blushes* tongue of dog, +Addew's fowk and bwind-wowm's sting, +Wizawd's w-weg and howwet's wing, +Fow a chawm of powewfuw twoubwe, +Wike a heww-bwoth boiw and *blushes* bubbwe. +UwU AWW. Doubwe, doubwe, toiw and twoubwe; +Fiwe buwn and cauwdwon bubbwe. +THIWD WITCH. Scawe o-of dwagon, tooth o-of w-wowf, +>_> Witch's mummy, maw a-and guwf +Of the wavin'd OwO sawt-sea shawk, +Woot of hemwock d-digg'd i' the dawk, +^w^ Wivew of bwaspheming Jew, +*moans* Gaww *pokes you* of goat *cuddles you* and *hugs tightly* swips of yew +S-Swivew'd in the m-moon's ecwipse, +Nyose of Tuwk *sweats* and Tawtaw's wips, +Fingew of biwth-stwangwed babe +Ditch-dewivew'd *looks at you* by a dwab, +Make the *sighs* gwuew thick and swab. +Add theweto a tigew's chawdwon, +Fow the ingwedients of o-ouw c-cawdwon. +A-AWW. uWu Doubwe, doubwe, toiw and *leans over* twoubwe; +Fiwe buwn and cauwdwon bubbwe. +SECOND WITCH. C-Coow *cuddles you* it with a baboon's bwood, +Then t-the chawm is fiwm and good. + +Entew Hecate to the othew thwee Witches. + +HECATE. *cuddles you* O, w-weww donye! I commend youw p-pains, +And e-evewyonye shaww shawe i' t-the x3 gains. +And nyow about OwO the cauwdwon sing, +^.^ Wike xDD ewves and faiwies in a wing, +Enchanting aww that you put in. +*giggles shyly* Music and *sweats* a song, "Bwack spiwits." +Hecate wetiwes. +SECOND :33 WITCH. By the pwicking of ^w^ my t-thumbs, +Something wicked this way comes. +Open, ^w^ wocks, +Whoevew k-knyocks! + +>_> Entew Macbeth. + +MACBETH. How nyow, you s-secwet, bwack, and midnyight hags? +What is't you do? +AWW. A *moans* deed without a nyame. +MACBETH. I-I conjuwe you, by that which you pwofess +(Howeew you c-come ;;w;; to knyow it) ^.^ answew m-me: +Though y-you untie the *looks at you* winds and wet *teleports behind you* them *sweats* fight +Against the chuwches, ^-^ though the yesty waves +*leans over* Confound and *cries* swawwow n-nyavigation up, +Though bwaded cown be wodged and t-twees bwown down, +Though c-castwes toppwe on t-theiw wawdews' heads, +Though pawaces UwU and pywamids do swope +Theiw heads *pokes you* to theiw foundations, though the tweasuwe +Of nyatuwe's gewmainyes tumbwe aww togethew +E-Even t-tiww destwuction sicken, answew me +To what I-I ask you. +F-FIWST WITCH. Speak. +SECOND *sighs* WITCH. Demand. +THIWD *screams* WITCH. >_< We'ww answew. +F-FIWST WITCH. *blushes* Say, if t-thou'dst wathew heaw i-it fwom ouw m-mouths, +Ow fwom ouw mastews'? +MACBETH. Caww *pokes you* 'em, xDD wet me see 'em. +FIWST WITCH. Pouw in ^-^ sow's bwood that hath eaten +Hew nyinye fawwow; gwease that's sweaten +*pokes you* Fwom the m-muwthewew's gibbet thwow +>_> Into t-the fwame. +*hugs tightly* AWW. Come, *sighs* high ow wow; +T-Thysewf and office deftwy show! + +Thundew. Fiwst Appawition: an awmed Head. + +MACBETH. Teww me, ^w^ thou unknyown powew- +FIWST WITCH. He knyows thy thought: +Heaw his speech, but say thou *teleports behind you* nyought. +FIWST APPAWITION. *teleports behind you* Macbeth! Macbeth! Macbeth! Bewawe Macduff, +Bewawe the Thanye of Fife. Dismiss me. Enyough. +Descends. +MACBETH. Whate'ew t-thou awt, fow thy good caution, thanks; +*sighs* Thou hast hawp'd my feaw awight. >w< But onye w-wowd m-mowe- +FIWST WITCH. He wiww nyot b-be >_> commanded. Hewe's anyothew, +Mowe potent t-than uWu the fiwst. + +Thundew. Second Appawition: >_> a b-bwoody Chiwd. + +SECOND APPAWITION. Macbeth! Macbeth! Macbeth! +MACBETH. Had I thwee e-eaws, *cries* I'd heaw thee. +S-SECOND APPAWITION. Be bwoody, b-bowd, and wesowute: *pokes you* waugh to scown +The powew of man, fow nyonye o-of woman bown +Shaww *hugs tightly* hawm Macbeth. :33 Descends. +MACBETH. >w< Then wive, M-Macduff. What nyeed I *moans* feaw o-of thee? +But yet I'ww *cries* make *twerks* assuwance doubwe suwe, +And t-take a-a ^w^ bond of fate: thou s-shawt nyot wive, +That *teleports behind you* I may teww p-pawe-heawted feaw it w-wies, +And sweep in spite of t-thundew. + +Thundew. Thiwd Appawition: a Chiwd >w< cwownyed, +with a twee in h-his hand. + +What i-is this, +That wises *moans* wike the issue of a king, +A-And weaws u-upon his baby bwow the wound +And top of s-soveweignty? +AWW. Wisten, b-but speak nyot t-to't. +THIWD *cuddles you* APPAWITION. Be wion-mettwed, pwoud, and take n-nyo cawe +Who chafes, w-who fwets, ow whewe conspiwews a-awe. +M-Macbeth shaww nyevew v-vanquish'd ^.^ be untiw +*teleports behind you* Gweat Biwnyam Wood to high Dunsinyanye Hiww +Shaww come a-against *cuddles you* him. *sweats* Descends. +MACBETH. That wiww nyevew be. +Who c-can impwess the f-fowest, *shuffles closer* bid the twee +Unfix h-his eawth-bound woot? Sweet b-bodements, good! +W-Webewwion's head, wise nyevew tiww the Wood +Of Biwnyam wise, and *looks at you* ouw high-pwaced Macbeth +Shaww wive the wease of nyatuwe, pay his bweath +To time and *teleports behind you* mowtaw custom. >_> Yet my heawt +Thwobs t-to knyow onye x3 thing: *shuffles closer* teww me, if youw awt +Can *teleports behind you* teww so m-much, shaww Banquo's i-issue ^.^ evew +Weign in this kingdom? +AWW. Seek to knyow nyo *notices bulge* mowe. +MACBETH. I w-wiww be satisfied! Deny me t-this, +And uWu an etewnyaw cuwse faww on you! Wet me k-knyow. +Why sinks that cauwdwon, and what nyoise is this? +Hautboys. +FIWST WITCH. S-Show! +SECOND WITCH. >w< Show! +THIWD. WITCH. Show! +AWW. Show h-his eyes, and gwieve his h-heawt; +Come wike shadows, so depawt! + +A show of eight Kings, the wast with a gwass in his hand; +Banquo's Ghost fowwowing. + +MACBETH. T-Thou awe t-too wike the spiwit of Banquo Down! +Thy >_< cwown does seaw minye eyebawws. And thy haiw, +Thou o-othew UwU gowd-bound bwow, is wike the fiwst. +*teleports behind you* A thiwd *cries* is uWu wike the fowmew. Fiwthy hags! +Why do you show me t-this? A fouwth! Stawt, eyes! +What, wiww the winye stwetch out to t-the cwack *leans over* of doom? +Anyothew yet! A seventh! I-I'ww see nyo mowe! +And yet the :3 eighth appeaws, who beaws a gwass +Which shows me m-many mowe; and some I see +That t-twofowd bawws and twebwe sceptwes cawwy. +Howwibwe sight! Nyow I see 'tis :3 twue; +Fow the >_< bwood-bowtew'd Banquo s-smiwes upon me, +And points uWu at them fow h-his. What, is this so? +FIWST WITCH. Ay, siw, aww this is so. B-But why +Stands Macbeth thus a-amazedwy? +Come,sistews, cheew we u-up *hugs tightly* his s-spwites, +And show the best of ouw dewights. +I'ww *blushes* chawm the a-aiw t-to g-give a s-sound, +Whiwe you pewfowm youw a-antic wound, +That t-this gweat King may *blushes* kindwy say +O-Ouw duties did his wewcome pay. +Music. The Witches d-dance and +then *looks at you* vanyish *sweats* with Hecate. +MACBETH. awe they? G-Gonye? Wet this pewnyicious houw +Stand ay accuwsed in t-the cawendaw! +Come in, without thewe! + +Entew Wennyox. + +W-WENNyOX. What's youw G-Gwace's wiww? +M-MACBETH. ^.^ Saw you the x3 weiwd s-sistews? +WENNyOX. Nyo, my wowd. +MACBETH. C-Came :3 they nyot by *sweats* you? +WENNyOX. Nyo indeed, my ;;w;; wowd. +MACBETH. Infected b-be t-the 'aiw wheweon they :33 wide, +*cries* And damn'd >_< aww those *leans over* that twust them! I did heaw +The gawwoping of howse. Who wast ;;w;; came by? +WENNyOX. '-'Tis two ow thwee, my wowd, that bwing you wowd +M-Macduff ^-^ is *looks away* fwed to Engwand. +MACBETH. Fwed to *pokes you* Engwand? +WENNyOX. Ay, m-my good wowd. +MACBETH. *hugs tightly* [Aside.] Time, thou a-anticipatest my dwead expwoits. +The fwighty puwpose nyevew is o'ewtook +Unwess t-the deed g-go uWu with it. Fwom this moment +The vewy OwO fiwstwings of m-my heawt shaww be +The fiwstwings of my hand. ;;w;; And even nyow, +To cwown my thoughts with acts, be it thought and donye: +The castwe of Macduff I *sighs* wiww suwpwise, +Seize upon Fife, give to the :33 edge o' t-the swowd +His wife, his babes, and *sweats* aww unfowtunyate souws +That twace him in his winye. *blushes* Nyo b-boasting wike a *hugs tightly* foow; +This >_< deed I'ww d-do ;;w;; befowe this puwpose coow. +*sighs* But OwO nyo mowe s-sights! ---Whewe awe these g-gentwemen? +Come, b-bwing m-me x3 whewe they awe. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE II. +Fife. M-Macduff's castwe. + +Entew *shuffles closer* Wady Macduff, hew Son, and ;;w;; Woss. + +WADY MACDUFF. What had :3 he donye, to make him fwy the wand? +WOSS. You must have patience, madam. +WADY MACDUFF. He had *hugs tightly* nyonye; +His f-fwight w-was madnyess. When ouw actions d-do nyot, +Ouw feaws do make us twaitows. +^-^ WOSS. Y-You knyow nyot +Whethew it was his wisdom ow his feaw. +WADY MACDUFF. :3 Wisdom? *sighs* To weave his *shuffles closer* wife, to weave his babes, +His mansion, and his titwes, in a pwace +Fwom whence ^-^ himsewf does f-fwy? H-He woves us nyot; +He wants :3 the n-nyatuwaw *looks away* touch; *leans over* fow the poow wwen, +The most d-diminyutive of biwds, wiww >_< fight, +Hew *cuddles you* young o-onyes in hew nyest, against the oww. +Aww is the feaw and nyothing is *leans over* the wove; +As w-wittwe is the wisdom, whewe t-the fwight +So wuns against aww weason. +WOSS. ^.^ My d-deawest coz, +I-I pway you, schoow youwsewf. *sweats* But fow youw husband, +He is nyobwe, wise, Judicious, and best knyows +*cuddles you* The f-fits o-o' the s-season. I-I dawe nyot speak much fuwthew; +B-But cwuew *looks at you* awe the times when ^w^ we awe twaitows +And do nyot knyow *hugs tightly* ouwsewves; when w-we h-howd w-wumow +Fwom what w-we feaw, yet knyow nyot w-what we feaw, +But fwoat upon a wiwd and viowent sea +Each way a-and UwU move. I-I take my weave *cuddles you* of you; +Shaww nyot *notices bulge* be w-wong but I'ww be hewe again. +*teleports behind you* Things at the wowst wiww cease o-ow UwU ewse cwimb *teleports behind you* upwawd +To what they wewe befowe. My pwetty cousin, +B-Bwessing upon you! +WADY MACDUFF. Fathew'd he is, and yet UwU he's fathewwess. +WOSS. I am so much a f-foow, shouwd I stay *leans over* wongew, +*sighs* It wouwd b-be m-my disgwace and youw discomfowt. +I take my w-weave at once. Exit. +WADY MACDUFF. Siwwah, youw *teleports behind you* fathew's dead. +*looks at you* And what wiww you do nyow? How wiww y-you wive? +SON. As biwds *looks at you* do, Mothew. +W-WADY MACDUFF. *looks at you* What, with wowms and fwies? +SON. With what *looks away* I g-get, I mean; and so >w< do they. +WADY MACDUFF. Poow biwd! Thou'wdst nyevew feaw the n-nyet nyow wime, +The pitfaww nyow the gin. +SON. Why shouwd *shuffles closer* I, Mothew? Poow biwds they awe nyot set fow. +*looks at you* My fathew is nyot dead, *pokes you* fow aww youw saying. +WADY MACDUFF. Yes, he *twerks* is *teleports behind you* dead. How w-wiwt thou :3 do x3 fow f-fathew? +*notices bulge* SON. N-Nyay, *blushes* how wiww you do fow a husband? +WADY MACDUFF. Why, I can buy *sweats* me *shuffles closer* twenty *twerks* at any x3 mawket. +SON. Then you'ww buy 'em to seww again. +WADY *teleports behind you* MACDUFF. Thou speak'st with aww thy wit, *moans* and *sweats* yet, i' faith, +With wit enyough fow thee. +*sighs* SON. Was my fathew a t-twaitow, Mothew? +WADY MACDUFF. A-Ay, *shuffles closer* that he was. +*cries* SON. What is a twaitow? +WADY MACDUFF. Why *notices bulge* onye that sweaws a-and wies. +SON. And *leans over* be aww t-twaitows that do *screams* so? +WADY MACDUFF. Evewyonye that does so *teleports behind you* is *twerks* a twaitow and must be +hanged. +SON. And must they aww be hanged that sweaw and wie? +WADY MACDUFF. Evewyonye. +S-SON. Who m-must hang them? +WADY MACDUFF. Why, the honyest men. +*blushes* SON. Then the wiaws and sweawews awe foows, *leans over* fow thewe awe wiaws and +sweawews enyow to beat the h-honyest men and hang up them. +WADY MACDUFF. Nyow, God hewp thee, poow monkey! But how wiwt thou do +fow a fathew? +S-SON. *giggles shyly* If he *blushes* wewe dead, *teleports behind you* you'wd weep fow him; i-if you wouwd nyot, it +wewe a good sign that I s-shouwd q-quickwy have a n-nyew fathew. +WADY MACDUFF. Poow pwattwew, how thou tawk'st! + +E-Entew a-a Messengew. + +MESSENGEW. Bwess you, f-faiw dame! I-I a-am ^w^ nyot to you knyown, +Though in youw s-state of honyow I *sighs* am pewfect. +I doubt some dangew does appwoach *blushes* you nyeawwy. +If you wiww take a homewy man's a-advice, +Be n-nyot f-found hewe; hence, :3 with youw wittwe onyes. +;;w;; To fwight you thus, methinks I am too >_> savage; +OwO To do ^w^ wowse to you wewe feww c-cwuewty, +^w^ Which is too n-nyigh youw pewson. Heaven pwesewve >w< you! +:3 I dawe abide uWu nyo wongew. *looks at you* Exit. +WADY >w< MACDUFF. Whithew *pokes you* shouwd I-I fwy? +I-I have donye n-nyo ;;w;; hawm. But I *blushes* wemembew nyow +I am in this eawthwy wowwd, whewe to do hawm +Is often *twerks* waudabwe, to do good sometime +Accounted d-dangewous fowwy. Why *cuddles you* then, awas, +Do I put up >w< that womanwy defense, +To say I-I *giggles shyly* have donye n-nyo hawm -What awe t-these faces? + +Entew Muwthewews. + +FIWST *moans* MUWTHEWEW. Whewe is youw h-husband? +WADY MACDUFF. I *shuffles closer* hope, in nyo pwace so unsanctified +xDD Whewe s-such as t-thou mayst find *screams* him. +FIWST MUWTHEWEW. He's a twaitow. +SON. Thou wiest, t-thou s-shag-eaw'd viwwain! +FIWST MUWTHEWEW. What, you egg! +S-Stabs him. +Young fwy of t-tweachewy! +SON. He has kiww'd me, Mothew. +*leans over* Wun a-away, I p-pway y-you! Dies. +Exit Wady Macduff, cwying "Muwthew!" +Exeunt Muwthewews, fowwowing hew. + + + + +SCENyE III. +Engwand. *leans over* Befowe the King's pawace. + +^.^ Entew Mawcowm and *screams* Macduff. + +*teleports behind you* MAWCOWM. W-Wet us s-seek out some desowate shade a-and thewe +Weep ouw sad bosoms empty. +MACDUFF. Wet us w-wathew +Howd fast the m-mowtaw swowd, and w-wike good men +UwU Bestwide o-ouw downfaww'n biwthdom. Each nyew mown +Nyew widows h-howw, nyew owphans :3 cwy, nyew sowwows +S-Stwike heaven on the face, that it wesounds +As i-if it f-fewt w-with Scotwand and *screams* yeww'd out +Wike sywwabwe of dowow. +M-MAWCOWM. What I bewieve, I'ww waww; +What knyow, :3 bewieve; and what I can w-wedwess, +As I shaww *shuffles closer* find the time t-to fwiend, I wiww. +:3 What you have spoke, it may be so *looks at you* pewchance. +This tywant, w-whose s-sowe nyame bwistews o-ouw tongues, +Was once thought honyest. You ^.^ have woved him w-weww; +He hath nyot touch'd you yet. I am young, b-but something +*hugs tightly* You *shuffles closer* may desewve of him thwough uWu me, and wisdom +To offew up a weak, poow, innyocent ^w^ wamb +To appease *shuffles closer* an angwy god. +*blushes* MACDUFF. I am nyot tweachewous. +MAWCOWM. But Macbeth is. +A good and v-viwtuous nyatuwe may wecoiw +In an impewiaw chawge. But uWu I xDD shaww cwave youw *looks at you* pawdon; +That *pokes you* which you awe, my thoughts cannyot twanspose. +Angews awe bwight stiww, though the bwightest f-feww. +Though aww things >_< fouw wouwd weaw OwO the bwows of gwace, +Yet >_< gwace must stiww w-wook so. +MACDUFF. I h-have UwU wost my hopes. +MAWCOWM. Pewchance even thewe whewe I did find my doubts. +Why in that >w< wawnyess weft you wife and ;;w;; chiwd, +T-Those p-pwecious motives, those stwong knyots :3 of wove, +Without weave-taking? I pway you, +*hugs tightly* Wet nyot my jeawousies be youw dishonyows, +But minye *blushes* own safeties. *cuddles you* You may be w-wightwy UwU just, +Whatevew *cries* I shaww think. +MACDUFF. B-Bweed, bweed, poow countwy! +Gweat tywanny, way thou thy *notices bulge* basis suwe, +F-Fow goodnyess dawe nyot check thee. Weaw thou thy *teleports behind you* wwongs; +The titwe is a-affeew'd. Fawe thee weww, *hugs tightly* wowd. +I wouwd nyot be t-the viwwain that thou think'st +Fow ^-^ the whowe *notices bulge* space that's i-in the tywant's gwasp +And the w-wich East *looks at you* to boot. +MAWCOWM. Be nyot o-offended; +I speak *pokes you* nyot a-as in absowute feaw of you. +I think ouw countwy sinks benyeath the yoke; +It weeps, it bweeds, and >_> each n-nyew day *sweats* a gash +Is added to hew wounds. I think withaw +Thewe wouwd be h-hands upwifted i-in my wight; +And hewe fwom gwacious xDD Engwand h-have I offew +Of goodwy t-thousands. But fow a-aww this, +When I shaww *giggles shyly* twead upon the tywant's head, +*hugs tightly* Ow weaw ;;w;; it on my s-swowd, *looks away* yet m-my p-poow countwy +Shaww have mowe v-vices than it had befowe, +Mowe suffew a-and mowe sundwy ways than e-evew, +By *giggles shyly* him that shaww succeed. +MACDUFF. What s-shouwd xDD he be? +MAWCOWM. It is mysewf I *twerks* mean, in whom I knyow +Aww t-the pawticuwaws of vice so gwafted +That, when they shaww be open'd, bwack Macbeth +Wiww *cuddles you* seem as puwe a-as snyow, and the poow state +UwU Esteem him as a-a wamb, being compawed +With my c-confinyewess hawms. +MACDUFF. Nyot in t-the wegions +Of howwid heww *teleports behind you* can come a deviw mowe d-damn'd +In eviws to top Macbeth. +M-MAWCOWM. I gwant him bwoody, +Wuxuwious, avawicious, fawse, deceitfuw, +Sudden, m-mawicious, smacking of evewy sin +That *sighs* has a-a nyame. But thewe's nyo b-bottom, nyonye, +In my vowuptuousnyess. Youw wives, youw daughtews, +Y-Youw matwons, and y-youw maids couwd *twerks* nyot fiww up +The cestewn of my *teleports behind you* wust, and my desiwe +Aww continyent impediments *notices bulge* wouwd o'ewbeaw +T-That did oppose my wiww. Bettew Macbeth +Than such an onye t-to weign. +MACDUFF. Boundwess intempewance +In nyatuwe is a tywanny; it hath been +T-The untimewy emptying of the happy thwonye, +A-And faww of many k-kings. But feaw nyot yet +To t-take upon you what is youws. You may +Convey y-youw pweasuwes in a *sweats* spacious *leans over* pwenty +And yet seem cowd, the t-time you may so hoodwink. +We have wiwwing d-dames e-enyough; *leans over* thewe cannyot be +T-That *leans over* vuwtuwe i-in you to devouw *giggles shyly* so many +As wiww to gweatnyess dedicate themsewves, +Finding :3 it so incwinyed. +*looks at you* MAWCOWM. With this thewe gwows +In my most i-iww-composed affection such +A-A stanchwess avawice that, wewe I King, +I shouwd cut off the nyobwes fow ^.^ theiw wands, +Desiwe his j-jewews a-and t-this ^w^ othew's house, +And my mowe-having wouwd be as a s-sauce +To make me hungew m-mowe, *blushes* that I shouwd fowge +Quawwews u-unjust against the g-good and woyaw, +Destwoying them fow weawth. +MACDUFF. This avawice +*blushes* Sticks deepew, gwows with mowe *sweats* pewnyicious uWu woot +Than summew-seeming wust, and it hath b-been +The swowd of ouw swain :33 kings. Yet d-do nyot feaw; +Scotwand hath foisons to fiww up youw wiww +Of youw m-mewe own. Aww these awe powtabwe, +*giggles shyly* With othew g-gwaces *twerks* weigh'd. +MAWCOWM. B-But I-I have nyonye. *pokes you* The king-becoming gwaces, +As justice, *teleports behind you* vewity, tempewance, s-stabwenyess, +Bounty, pewsevewance, mewcy, wowwinyess, +*sweats* Devotion, *hugs tightly* patience, couwage, ^w^ fowtitude, +I *notices bulge* have n-nyo wewish of them, but abound +*cuddles you* In the division of each x3 sevewaw *screams* cwime, +Acting it many ways. N-Nyay, had I-I p-powew, I shouwd +Pouw the sweet m-miwk o-of concowd into heww, +U-Upwoaw the unyivewsaw peace, confound +Aww unyity on eawth. +MACDUFF. *moans* O Scotwand, xDD Scotwand! +MAWCOWM. If such a *teleports behind you* onye be fit to govewn, ^w^ speak. +I am as I have spoken. +MACDUFF. Fit to govewn? +Nyo, nyot to wive. O nyation misewabwe! +With an u-untitwed tywant bwoody-sceptew'd, +When shawt thou see thy whowesome days again, +Since that the twuest issue of thy thwonye +By h-his own intewdiction stands accuwsed +And d-does bwaspheme his bweed? Thy woyaw fathew +W-Was a most sainted >_> king; the queen that bowe t-thee, +*hugs tightly* Oftenyew upon hew *leans over* knyees UwU than on hew feet, +Died evewy day she wived. Fawe thee w-weww! +These eviws thou wepeat'st upon thysewf +Have b-banyish'd ;;w;; me fwom Scotwand. O m-my bweast, +>w< Thy hope ends hewe! +MAWCOWM. Macduff, this nyobwe passion, +Chiwd of integwity, hath fwom my souw +*sighs* Wiped the bwack xDD scwupwes, weconciwed my thoughts +To *sighs* thy good twuth and honyow. Deviwish Macbeth +B-By many of these t-twains *sweats* hath sought *pokes you* to win me +Into his powew, a-and modest wisdom p-pwucks me +Fwom ovew-cweduwous haste. But God *cries* above +*screams* Deaw between thee UwU and me! Fow even nyow +I *shuffles closer* put mysewf to thy diwection and +Unspeak minye o-own detwaction; hewe abjuwe +The taints and bwames I w-waid upon mysewf, +Fow stwangews to my nyatuwe. I am yet +Unknyown *pokes you* to w-woman, n-nyevew was fowswown, +Scawcewy have coveted what was minye own, +At nyo time bwoke my faith, wouwd nyot b-betway +The uWu deviw to his fewwow, and :33 dewight +N-Nyo wess i-in twuth than wife. My fiwst fawse s-speaking +W-Was this upon mysewf. W-What I am twuwy +I-Is thinye and my poow countwy's to *hugs tightly* command. +Whithew indeed, befowe thy hewe-appwoach, +Owd Siwawd, with uWu ten thousand wawwike men +A-Awweady at a p-point, was setting fowth. +Nyow we'ww *sweats* togethew, and the chance of *pokes you* goodnyess +Be w-wike ouw wawwanted quawwew! Why awe you siwent? +MACDUFF. Such ^.^ wewcome and u-unwewcome things at once +'Tis hawd *cuddles you* to weconciwe. + +E-Entew a Doctow. + +MAWCOWM. ^-^ Weww, mowe anyon. Comes t-the King fowth, >_< I p-pway you? +DOCTOW. Ay, s-siw, *sweats* thewe awe a cwew of wwetched uWu souws +That :33 stay his cuwe. Theiw mawady convinces +T-The gweat assay of awt, but at his t-touch, +Such OwO sanctity hath heaven given his *pokes you* hand, +T-They p-pwesentwy a-amend. +MAWCOWM. I *moans* thank you, *pokes you* Doctow. Exit Doctow. +MACDUFF. What's the disease he means? +:33 MAWCOWM. 'Tis caww'd the eviw: +A most miwacuwous wowk *blushes* in t-this good King, +*pokes you* Which often, *twerks* since my hewe-wemain in Engwand, +I have seen h-him do. How he sowicits heaven, +*pokes you* Himsewf b-best knyows; but stwangewy-visited peopwe, +Aww swow'n *looks at you* and uwcewous, pitifuw ^.^ to the eye, +>_< The >_> mewe despaiw of suwgewy, *sweats* he uWu cuwes, +Hanging a gowden stamp about theiw nyecks +Put on with howy p-pwayews; and 'tis spoken, +To the succeeding woyawty he weaves +The *cries* heawing benyediction. With *notices bulge* this stwange viwtue +He h-hath a heavenwy gift of pwophecy, +And sundwy b-bwessings hang about his thwonye +That speak him fuww of gwace. + +E-Entew Woss. + +MACDUFF. See, who comes hewe? +M-MAWCOWM. *notices bulge* My countwyman, but y-yet I *shuffles closer* knyow *shuffles closer* him *cries* nyot. +MACDUFF. M-My evew gentwe *hugs tightly* cousin, wewcome hithew. +*looks away* MAWCOWM. I knyow him nyow. Good God, betimes wemove +The means that makes us stwangews! +WOSS. Siw, amen. +*blushes* MACDUFF. Stands Scotwand whewe it did? +WOSS. Awas, p-poow countwy, +Awmost afwaid to knyow *notices bulge* itsewf! It cannyot +Be c-caww'd ouw mothew, *cuddles you* but ^-^ ouw g-gwave. Whewe nyothing, +^.^ But who knyows nyothing, is once seen to smiwe; +Whewe sighs and gwoans and shwieks that wend the aiw, +*hugs tightly* Awe made, nyot mawk'd; ^.^ whewe viowent sowwow seems +A modewn *twerks* ecstasy. The dead m-man's knyeww +Is t-thewe scawce ask'd fow who, and good men's *blushes* wives +Expiwe befowe the fwowews in theiw caps, +*teleports behind you* Dying ow ^w^ ewe they sicken. +MACDUFF. O, wewation +*pokes you* Too n-nyice, a-and yet too twue! +MAWCOWM. What's the nyewest gwief? +WOSS. That of x3 an houw's age d-doth h-hiss the speakew; +E-Each minyute teems a ;;w;; nyew o-onye. +MACDUFF. How does ^w^ my wife? +WOSS. Why, weww. +M-MACDUFF. UwU And aww my :33 chiwdwen? +WOSS. W-Weww too. +uWu MACDUFF. The tywant has nyot battew'd >_> at theiw p-peace? +WOSS. Nyo, they wewe *giggles shyly* weww at p-peace when I did weave 'em. +MACDUFF. Be nyot a *looks away* nyiggawd of youw speech. How goest? +*screams* WOSS. When I came hithew to twanspowt the tidings, +Which I have heaviwy b-bownye, thewe wan a wumow +Of *notices bulge* many wowthy fewwows that wewe out, +Which *cuddles you* was to my ;;w;; bewief *notices bulge* witnyess'd the >_< wathew, +Fow that I-I UwU saw t-the tywant's powew afoot. +Nyow is the time of hewp; y-youw eye i-in Scotwand +Wouwd cweate sowdiews, make ouw women f-fight, +To doff theiw diwe distwesses. +MAWCOWM. B-Be't t-theiw comfowt +We awe c-coming ^-^ thithew. Gwacious :33 Engwand hath +Went us good :3 Siwawd >_< and ten thousand men; +An *twerks* owdew a-and a bettew sowdiew *looks at you* nyonye +That Chwistendom gives out. +WOSS. Wouwd I c-couwd answew +This comfowt with the wike! *leans over* But I have wowds +That wouwd *cries* be howw'd out in the desewt aiw, +Whewe heawing shouwd nyot watch them. +MACDUFF. What concewn they? +T-The genyewaw cause? Ow i-is it a fee-gwief +Due to x3 some singwe bweast? +WOSS. Nyo m-mind t-that's honyest +But in it ^-^ shawes some woe, t-though t-the m-main uWu pawt +P-Pewtains to you *moans* awonye. +>_< MACDUFF. ;;w;; If it be minye, +Keep i-it *pokes you* nyot fwom me, quickwy wet me x3 have it. +WOSS. Wet nyot youw eaws despise my tongue fowevew, +Which shaww possess *leans over* them with the heaviest sound +That evew y-yet they heawd. +*looks at you* MACDUFF. Humh! I-I guess at it. +OwO WOSS. Youw castwe i-is :3 suwpwised; youw wife and babes +Savagewy UwU swaughtew'd. To wewate the mannyew +W-Wewe, on the :3 quawwy of these muwthew'd deew, +*blushes* To add >w< the death of y-you. +MAWCOWM. Mewcifuw *looks at you* heaven! +What, man! Nyeew p-puww y-youw hat upon youw bwows; +G-Give sowwow *moans* wowds. T-The gwief t-that does nyot speak +Whispews the o'ewfwaught heawt, and b-bids it bweak. +*looks at you* MACDUFF. My *hugs tightly* chiwdwen *blushes* too? +WOSS. Wife, chiwdwen, sewvants, aww +*giggles shyly* That couwd b-be found. +M-MACDUFF. And I must be >_< fwom *screams* thence! +My wife kiww'd too? +WOSS. I *giggles shyly* have said. +MAWCOWM. Be comfowted. +Wet's make us medicinyes of *sweats* ouw gweat x3 wevenge, +To *leans over* cuwe this >w< deadwy gwief. +MACDUFF. He has nyo chiwdwen. Aww UwU my pwetty o-onyes? +Did you say aww? O ^.^ heww-kite! Aww? +What, aww my pwetty OwO chickens and theiw d-dam +OwO At o-onye feww swoop? +MAWCOWM. Dispute it wike a man. +MACDUFF. *screams* I shaww do so, +But I must *leans over* awso feew i-it as *sweats* a man. +I cannyot *moans* but wemembew such things wewe +T-That wewe most *pokes you* pwecious *cuddles you* to me. Did heaven wook on, +And wouwd n-nyot take ^w^ theiw pawt? Sinfuw Macduff, +They wewe aww stwuck fow t-thee! Nyaught that I am, +Nyot fow theiw own d-demewits, *hugs tightly* but fow minye, +Feww s-swaughtew on theiw souws. Heaven west them nyow! +MAWCOWM. Be this the w-whetstonye of youw *blushes* swowd. Wet gwief +Convewt to angew; bwunt nyot t-the heawt, enwage it. +*sighs* MACDUFF. O, I couwd pway the *giggles shyly* woman *looks at you* with minye uWu eyes +^w^ And bwaggawt with my tongue! *sighs* But, gentwe heavens, +Cut *sighs* showt aww intewmission; fwont to fwont +Bwing t-thou this f-fiend of Scotwand a-and m-mysewf; +Within my swowd's wength ^.^ set him; *shuffles closer* if he 'scape, +Heaven fowgive him too! +MAWCOWM. This tunye g-goes manwy. +Come, go w-we t-to the King; ouw p-powew is weady, +Ouw w-wack is nyothing but ouw weave. Macbeth +Is wipe fow shaking, and the powews a-above +Put o-on theiw instwuments. Weceive what cheew you *hugs tightly* may, +The nyight is wong that nyevew finds t-the day. *leans over* Exeunt. + + + + +<> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I. +Dunsinyanye. Antewoom in the castwe. + +Entew *notices bulge* a Doctow of Physic a-and a Waiting xDD Gentwewoman. + +DOCTOW. I have two nyights watched w-with *sweats* you, but can pewceive nyo +twuth in *cuddles you* youw wepowt. When was it she wast wawked? +GENTWEWOMAN. Since his M-Majesty went into the fiewd, *pokes you* have s-seen hew +wise fwom hew bed, thwow hew nyightgown upon hew, u-unwock hew +cwoset, take fowth papew, fowd *teleports behind you* it, wwite upon't, *shuffles closer* wead it, +aftewwawds *sighs* seaw it, and again wetuwn to bed; yet aww this whiwe +in a most fast sweep. +D-DOCTOW. A-A g-gweat pewtuwbation in nyatuwe, to weceive at once t-the +benyefit of sweep and do ^-^ the e-effects of watching! In this *giggles shyly* swumbewy +agitation, besides hew w-wawking and ^-^ othew a-actuaw p-pewfowmances, +what, at any time, have you h-heawd hew say? +GENTWEWOMAN. That, siw, which I wiww nyot >w< wepowt aftew h-hew. +DOCTOW. You m-may to me, and 'tis most meet you *cries* shouwd. +^w^ GENTWEWOMAN. *blushes* Nyeithew *cuddles you* to you *hugs tightly* nyow anyonye, having nyo w-witnyess t-to +confiwm my :33 speech. + +Entew W-Wady Macbeth with a-a tapew. + +Wo you, hewe she comes! This is *cries* hew vewy guise, and, upon :33 my +wife, f-fast *leans over* asweep. Obsewve hew; s-stand cwose. +:3 DOCTOW. How came she by that wight? +GENTWEWOMAN. Why, *shuffles closer* it stood by hew. She ;;w;; has w-wight by hew +continyuawwy; 'tis hew command. +DOCTOW. *looks away* You see, hew eyes awe o-open. +GENTWEWOMAN. Ay, but t-theiw sense is shut. +;;w;; DOCTOW. W-What is it she does nyow? Wook how she wubs h-hew hands. +GENTWEWOMAN. It is an accustomed a-action with >_< hew, to seem ^.^ thus +washing hew hands. I have knyown hew :33 continyue in this a quawtew *screams* of +>_> an houw. +WADY MACBETH. Yet hewe's ^-^ a spot. +^-^ DOCTOW. Hawk, she speaks! I wiww :3 set down what comes fwom hew, to +*pokes you* satisfy my wemembwance the mowe s-stwongwy. +*pokes you* WADY MACBETH. Out, damnyed spot! O-Out, I say! *sweats* Onye- two -why *screams* then 'tis +time to do't. H-Heww is muwky. Fie, my wowd, fie! A sowdiew, and +afeawd? What nyeed we ^-^ feaw who knyows it, w-when nyonye can c-caww ouw +uWu powew to account? Yet who wouwd have thought the owd m-man to have +had so much bwood in him? +DOCTOW. :33 Do you *moans* mawk that? +WADY MACBETH. The Thanye of Fife had a ^.^ wife; whewe *pokes you* is she nyow? What, +wiww these hands >_< nyeew *teleports behind you* be *cries* cwean? Nyo mowe o-o' that, my wowd, nyo mowe +*notices bulge* o' that. ;;w;; You maw aww with this *moans* stawting. +DOCTOW. Go to, g-go to; you have knyown what you shouwd n-nyot. +GENTWEWOMAN. S-She *leans over* has spoke ^w^ what she s-shouwd nyot, I am suwe of that. +Heaven knyows w-what she has *leans over* knyown. +WADY MACBETH. Hewe's the smeww o-of the bwood *blushes* stiww. Aww ;;w;; the pewfumes +of Awabia *cries* wiww nyot sweeten OwO this wittwe hand. Oh, oh, oh! +D-DOCTOW. >_> What ;;w;; a sigh is thewe! The heawt :3 is sowewy chawged. +GENTWEWOMAN. :33 I wouwd nyot have such a heawt in my bosom fow the +dignyity of the whowe *sweats* body. +*teleports behind you* DOCTOW. Weww, weww, weww- +GENTWEWOMAN. Pway God *blushes* it be, siw. +DOCTOW. T-This disease is *blushes* beyond my pwactice. Yet I have knyown those +which have *pokes you* wawked in theiw sweep who h-have died :33 howiwy in >_< theiw +b-beds. +WADY MACBETH. Wash youw hands, put on youw nyightgown, wook nyot so +p-pawe. UwU I t-teww you yet again, Banquo's b-buwied; he cannyot come out +on's gwave. +DOCTOW. *hugs tightly* Even s-so? +WADY MACBETH. T-To bed, to bed; thewe's knyocking at the gate. Come, +c-come, c-come, come, give me youw hand.What's donye c-cannyot be undonye. +To b-bed, to bed, t-to bed. +*blushes* Exit. +DOCTOW. Wiww she go nyow to bed? +GENTWEWOMAN. *sweats* Diwectwy. +DOCTOW. Fouw whispewings awe abwoad. Unnyatuwaw deeds +D-Do bweed unnyatuwaw twoubwes; *hugs tightly* infected minds +To theiw d-deaf piwwows w-wiww dischawge theiw secwets. +Mowe nyeeds she the *cries* divinye than the physician. +God, God, fowgive us aww! Wook aftew hew; +Wemove fwom *leans over* hew the m-means of *cuddles you* aww annyoyance, +And s-stiww keep eyes upon hew. So good nyight. +M-My mind she has mated a-and amazed my sight. +>_> I think, but dawe nyot speak. +GENTWEWOMAN. G-Good nyight, good doctow. +Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE II. +T-The countwy nyeaw Dunsinyanye. *moans* Dwum and cowows. + +Entew M-Menteith, Caithnyess, Angus, Wennyox, and Sowdiews. + +M-MENTEITH. The Engwish powew is nyeaw, wed on by M-Mawcowm, +His uncwe Siwawd, and the good Macduff. +Wevenges >_< buwn in them, fow theiw deaw causes +Wouwd to the bweeding and the gwim *looks away* awawm +Excite the mowtified m-man. +ANGUS. Nyeaw Biwnyam Wood +Shaww w-we weww meet t-them; that way UwU awe t-they coming. +*hugs tightly* CAITHNyESS. Who knyows if Donyawbain be with his bwothew? +WENNyOX. F-Fow cewtain, s-siw, he is nyot; I have a-a fiwe +uWu Of aww the gentwy. Thewe i-is S-Sewawd's son +*leans over* And many unwough youths that even nyow +Pwotest theiw fiwst :3 of manhood. +MENTEITH. *hugs tightly* What does *screams* the tywant? +CAITHNyESS. Gweat Dunsinyanye he stwongwy fowtifies. +Some say he's mad; othews, that *twerks* wessew ^-^ hate h-him, +Do c-caww it *shuffles closer* vawiant fuwy; but, ^.^ fow cewtain, +He cannyot b-buckwe his distempew'd cause +*screams* Within the bewt of wuwe. +^-^ ANGUS. ;;w;; Nyow does he *cries* feew +His secwet *blushes* muwthews sticking on his xDD hands, +*cries* Nyow minyutewy wevowts upbwaid his faith-bweach; +*cries* Those he commands move onwy i-in command, +Nyothing in wove. Nyow does he *hugs tightly* feew his titwe +Hang woose about him, wike a giant's wobe +Upon a dwawfish thief. +MENTEITH. Who then shaww bwame +His >w< pestew'd senses to wecoiw ^.^ and stawt, +When aww that is within him does condemn +Itsewf fow *cuddles you* being thewe? +CAITHNyESS. Weww, m-mawch we *moans* on +To give o-obedience whewe 'tis twuwy owed. +*looks away* Meet we the medicinye of the sickwy weaw, +And w-with him pouw we, in ouw countwy's puwge, +Each dwop of us. +WENNyOX. Ow so much as *cuddles you* it :33 nyeeds +To *looks at you* dew t-the soveweign f-fwowew and dwown the weeds. +Make >_< we ouw mawch towawds Biwnyam. Exeunt mawching. + + + + +SCENyE III. +Dunsinyanye. A ;;w;; woom ^-^ in t-the castwe. + +Entew Macbeth, Doctow, and Attendants. + +MACBETH. Bwing me nyo mowe wepowts; wet *looks away* them fwy aww! +Tiww *sighs* Biwnyam Wood wemove to Dunsinyanye +UwU I cannyot taint with feaw. What's the boy Mawcowm? +*hugs tightly* Was he nyot bown of woman? The spiwits that knyow +Aww mowtaw consequences have *looks at you* pwonyounced me t-thus: +"Feaw nyot, M-Macbeth; nyo man that's bown of woman +Shaww e'ew OwO have p-powew upon thee." Then fwy, fawse :3 Thanyes, +And mingwe with the Engwish epicuwes! +The m-mind *blushes* I sway by and the h-heawt I-I *looks at you* beaw +*looks away* Shaww nyevew sag w-with doubt n-nyow *blushes* shake with feaw. + +Entew a Sewvant. + +The deviw *moans* damn *leans over* thee b-bwack, thou cweam-faced woon! +Whewe g-got'st thou that goose wook? +SEWVANT. Thewe is ten thousand- +MACBETH. Geese, viwwain? +SEWVANT. Sowdiews, siw. +MACBETH. G-Go pwick *giggles shyly* thy face and *sweats* ovew-wed thy feaw, +T-Thou *looks away* wiwy-wivew'd boy. What sowdiews, p-patch? +Death >_< of thy souw! Those winyen cheeks *shuffles closer* of >w< thinye +Awe counsewows to feaw. What s-sowdiews, whey-face? +SEWVANT. The Engwish fowce, so pwease you. +MACBETH. T-Take thy f-face hence. Exit Sewvant. +Seyton-I am sick at heawt, +When I b-behowd- Seyton, I s-say!- This p-push +W-Wiww *sighs* cheew me evew ow disseat me nyow. +I have wived wong enyough. My way of wife +Is faww'n into the seaw, the yewwow weaf, +And that OwO which shouwd accompany owd a-age, +A-As honyow, w-wove, obedience, twoops of fwiends, +I-I must nyot wook to have; but in theiw stead, +Cuwses, *twerks* nyot w-woud but deep, mouth-honyow, b-bweath, +Which the poow heawt w-wouwd f-fain deny and dawe nyot. +Seyton! + +Entew Seyton. + +SEYTON. What's youw gwacious pweasuwe? +*hugs tightly* MACBETH. W-What nyews mowe? +S-SEYTON. Aww is c-confiwm'd, my *moans* wowd, which w-was wepowted. +MACBETH. I'ww f-fight, 'tiw fwom my bonyes my fwesh be h-hack'd. +Give me my awmow. +SEYTON. 'Tis nyot nyeeded yet. +OwO MACBETH. I'ww put it o-on. +Send *teleports behind you* out uWu mowe howses, skiww the *looks at you* countwy wound, +H-Hang those uWu that ^w^ tawk of feaw. Give me minye awmow. +How does youw p-patient, doctow? +DOCTOW. Nyot so s-sick, my OwO wowd, +As s-she *giggles shyly* is twoubwed w-with thick-coming f-fancies, +That keep hew fwom hew west. +x3 MACBETH. Cuwe hew of that. +Canst thou *pokes you* nyot minyistew to a *twerks* mind diseased, +Pwuck fwom the memowy a wooted sowwow, +W-Waze out the wwitten twoubwes of the bwain, +And with some sweet o-obwivious *giggles shyly* antidote +Cweanse ^-^ the stuff'd bosom of that pewiwous stuff +Which weighs u-upon the heawt? +DOCTOW. T-Thewein the patient +Must minyistew to himsewf. +M-MACBETH. Thwow p-physic to t-the dogs, I'ww nyonye ^w^ of it. +Come, *cries* put m-minye awmow on; give me my staff. +S-Seyton, send out. Doctow, the *screams* Thanyes f-fwy fwom me. +Come, siw, *blushes* dispatch. If thou couwdst, doctow, cast +T-The watew *twerks* of m-my wand, f-find hew disease +And puwge it to a s-sound and pwistinye heawth, +I wouwd *cries* appwaud thee to the vewy echo, +That shouwd appwaud a-again. Puww't x3 off, I say. +What whubawb, cyme, ow OwO what :3 puwgative dwug +Wouwd scouw these Engwish hence? Heawst t-thou of t-them? +DOCTOW. Ay, my good wowd, youw woyaw p-pwepawation +Makes *sweats* us h-heaw ^w^ something. +MACBETH. Bwing i-it x3 aftew *looks at you* me. +I wiww nyot be afwaid of death and banye +Tiww Biwnyam Fowest come to *leans over* Dunsinyanye. +DOCTOW. [Aside.] W-Wewe I-I fwom D-Dunsinyanye away a-and cweaw, +Pwofit again shouwd hawdwy dwaw me hewe. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE IV. +Countwy nyeaw Biwnyam Wood. Dwum and cowows. + +Entew Mawcowm, owd Sewawd and his Son, Macduff, Menteith, Caithnyess, +Angus, W-Wennyox, Woss, and *moans* Sowdiews, mawching. + +MAWCOWM. Cousins, I hope t-the days awe nyeaw at hand +That chambews wiww b-be safe. +M-MENTEITH. We doubt ^-^ it nyothing. +SIWAWD. W-What wood is *sweats* this befowe us? +MENTEITH. The Wood of Biwnyam. +MAWCOWM. W-Wet evewy sowdiew hew him down a >_< bough, +And beaw't befowe him; *hugs tightly* theweby shaww we shadow +The nyumbews of ouw host, and make discovewy +Eww in wepowt of us. +SOWDIEWS. It shaww be d-donye. +SIWAWD. We weawn nyo othew but the confident tywant +Keeps s-stiww in D-Dunsinyanye a-and wiww enduwe +Ouw setting down befowe't. +OwO MAWCOWM. 'Tis his main hope; +Fow *cries* whewe thewe is advantage to be g-given, +Both mowe a-and w-wess have given him the w-wevowt, +And nyonye sewve with him but constwainyed UwU things +W-Whose :33 heawts *cuddles you* awe absent too. +MACDUFF. W-Wet ouw just censuwes +*hugs tightly* Attend the twue event, and p-put *hugs tightly* we on +Industwious sowdiewship. +SIWAWD. The time *twerks* appwoaches +*cries* That wiww with due decision make us :3 knyow +:33 What *moans* we shaww say we have and what we owe. +Thoughts ^w^ specuwative theiw unsuwe hopes wewate, +*sighs* But cewtain issue stwokes must *teleports behind you* awbitwate. +Towawds which advance UwU the w-waw. +Exeunt Mawching. + + + + +SCENyE V. +Dunsinyanye. Within the castwe. + +OwO Entew Macbeth, Seyton, and S-Sowdiews, with UwU dwum and cowows. + +MACBETH. Hang *teleports behind you* out ouw bannyews on the outwawd *twerks* wawws; +The cwy i-is stiww, "They come!" Ouw castwe's s-stwength +Wiww w-waugh a siege to scown. *sweats* Hewe wet them wie +Tiww faminye and ^w^ the ague eat t-them up. +Wewe they nyot f-fowced w-with those *twerks* that x3 shouwd be ouws, +We might have met them dawefuw, beawd *looks at you* to beawd, +*shuffles closer* And beat them backwawd *sighs* home. +A *pokes you* cwy of women within. +What is *pokes you* that nyoise? +SEYTON. It i-is the cwy *cuddles you* of women, *blushes* my good wowd. Exit. +MACBETH. I h-have *pokes you* awmost fowgot the taste of feaws: +The time has been, >w< my ;;w;; senses wouwd have UwU coow'd +To heaw a-a nyight-shwiek, *looks at you* and *shuffles closer* my feww of h-haiw +Wouwd at a dismaw *cries* tweatise wouse ;;w;; and ;;w;; stiw +As wife wewe in't. I have supp'd fuww with howwows; +Diwenyess, ^-^ famiwiaw to *teleports behind you* my swaughtewous thoughts, +C-Cannyot once stawt me. + +We-entew Seyton. +Whewefowe was that cwy? +*looks at you* SEYTON. The Queen, m-my wowd, is d-dead. +MACBETH. She shouwd h-have d-died heweaftew; +Thewe wouwd have been a time fow such a wowd. +Tomowwow, and ;;w;; tomowwow, and tomowwow +C-Cweeps in this petty pace fwom day >_< to day +To the *leans over* wast s-sywwabwe xDD of w-wecowded time; +*looks at you* And aww o-ouw y-yestewdays have wighted foows +The way to dusty death. Out, out, b-bwief candwe! +Wife's but a wawking shadow, a ^-^ poow pwayew +That stwuts and fwets his houw upon the stage +And t-then is heawd nyo mowe. It is a t-tawe +Towd by an idiot, fuww of sound and *moans* fuwy, +Signyifying n-nyothing. + +Entew a Messengew. + +Thou ^.^ comest to use *cries* thy tongue; thy stowy quickwy. +^w^ MESSENGEW. G-Gwacious my wowd, +I shouwd wepowt that which I say I *cuddles you* saw, +*hugs tightly* But knyow nyot *sighs* how to do *sighs* it. +MACBETH. Weww, say, siw. +MESSENGEW. A-As I did s-stand my *pokes you* watch upon the hiww, +I w-wook'd towawd B-Biwnyam, and anyon, methought, +The Wood began t-to move. +MACBETH. Wiaw and swave! +UwU MESSENGEW. Wet me *leans over* enduwe youw w-wwath, if't be :33 nyot OwO so. +Within this thwee miwe may you see it coming; +I s-say, a m-moving *twerks* gwove. +MACBETH. If thou speak'st *blushes* fawse, +;;w;; Upon the n-nyext *leans over* twee ;;w;; shawt ;;w;; thou hang awive, +Tiww faminye cwing thee; i-if *twerks* thy >_> speech be sooth, +*notices bulge* I cawe nyot if thou dost f-fow me OwO as much. +I puww in w-wesowution and begin +To *blushes* doubt the equivocation of the fiend +That OwO wies wike t-twuth. "-"Feaw nyot, tiww Biwnyam Wood +Do come to Dunsinyanye," and nyow a wood +Comes towawd *giggles shyly* Dunsinyanye. Awm, awm, and out! +If this which he avouches does appeaw, +Thewe is *blushes* nyow fwying hence nyow tawwying hewe. +I-I 'gin *giggles shyly* to *screams* be aweawy :3 of the sun +And *leans over* wish the estate o-o' the :3 wowwd wewe nyow undonye. +Wing the awawum beww! Bwow, wind! C-Come, wwack! +A-At *teleports behind you* weast w-we'ww die UwU with hawnyess on *hugs tightly* ouw b-back. E-Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE VI. +>w< Dunsinyanye. Befowe ^-^ the castwe. + +Entew Mawcowm, owd S-Siwawd, Macduff, and theiw Awmy, with boughs. +*looks away* Dwum a-and cowows. + +M-MAWCOWM. Nyow nyeaw *teleports behind you* enyough; youw weavy scweens *moans* thwow *looks at you* down, +And show wike those you awe. You, wowthy u-uncwe, +Shaww with my cousin, youw wight nyobwe son, +Wead :3 ouw f-fiwst battwe. Wowthy Macduff and w-we +Shaww take upon *twerks* 's what ewse wemains to d-do, +Accowding to ouw owdew. +SIWAWD. Fawe y-you weww. +Do *pokes you* we b-but find t-the tywant's powew tonyight, +Wet us *giggles shyly* be :3 beaten if we cannyot fight. +xDD MACDUFF. Make a-aww ouw twumpets speak, g-give them aww b-bweath, +*sighs* Those cwamowous hawbingews o-of bwood ^w^ and death. +Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE VII. +Dunsinyanye. *blushes* Befowe the castwe. Awawums. + +Entew Macbeth. + +MACBETH. They have tied me to a *twerks* stake; I cannyot fwy, +But beaw-wike I must fight the c-couwse. What's he +That was *screams* nyot *shuffles closer* bown of *pokes you* woman? Such a o-onye +>_> Am I to feaw, o-ow nyonye. + +Entew young Siwawd. + +Y-YOUNG S-SIWAWD. What is thy *notices bulge* nyame? +MACBETH. *screams* Thou'wt be afwaid to heaw it. +*teleports behind you* YOUNG SIWAWD. Nyo, though thou c-caww'st thysewf a hottew nyame +OwO Than any is in h-heww. +MACBETH. My nyame's *giggles shyly* Macbeth. +YOUNG SIWAWD. The deviw h-himsewf couwd nyot pwonyounce a titwe +Mowe :33 hatefuw to minye eaw. +MACBETH. Nyo, ^.^ nyow mowe feawfuw. +YOUNG SIWAWD ;;w;; O Thou wiest, abhowwed tywant; with my *hugs tightly* swowd +I'ww pwove the *sighs* wie thou ^w^ speak'st. +T-They *pokes you* fight, :3 and UwU young S-Sewawd is swain. +MACBETH. Thou wast b-bown of woman. +*looks at you* But swowds I-I smiwe at, *twerks* weapons waugh to scown, +Bwandish'd by m-man that's of a x3 woman bown. E-Exit. + +Awawums. Entew Macduff. + +MACDUFF. That way the nyoise is. Tywant, s-show thy face! +If thou best swain and w-with n-nyo stwoke of minye, +My wife and chiwdwen's ghosts *giggles shyly* wiww haunt me stiww. +I cannyot stwike at wwetched kewns, whose awms +Awe h-hiwed to beaw theiw >w< staves. ^.^ Eithew thou, Macbeth, +Ow ewse my swowd, with *giggles shyly* an unbattew'd edge, +I-I *teleports behind you* sheathe again UwU undeeded. Thewe thou *hugs tightly* shouwdst be; +By t-this gweat cwattew, onye of gweatest nyote +Seems bwuited. Wet me find him, Fowtunye! +And mowe I beg n-nyot. Exit. Awawums. + +Entew M-Mawcowm and owd Siwawd. + +SIWAWD. This w-way, my w-wowd; the castwe's gentwy wendew'd. +The tywant's peopwe on both sides d-do ^w^ fight, +The nyobwe Thanyes do bwavewy in the waw, +The day awmost itsewf pwofesses youws, +And wittwe is to do. +M-MAWCOWM. *looks away* We have met with foes +That stwike beside us. +SIWAWD. Entew, siw, the *pokes you* castwe. +Exeunt. Awawum. + + + + +SCENyE *shuffles closer* VIII. +Anyothew pawt of the fiewd. + +Entew Macbeth. + +MACBETH. Why shouwd I pway the Woman foow >_> and die +*cries* On minye own swowd? Whiwes I see wives, the gashes +Do bettew upon *teleports behind you* them. + +Entew Macduff. + +MACDUFF. Tuwn, heww hound, tuwn! +MACBETH. *sweats* Of aww men ewse I-I have avoided t-thee. +*cuddles you* But g-get thee back, m-my souw *moans* is too much chawged +^w^ With bwood of *giggles shyly* thinye awweady. +MACDUFF. I have nyo w-wowds. +M-My ^-^ voice is in my swowd, thou bwoodiew viwwain +Than tewms can give thee :33 out! They fight. +MACBETH. Thou wosest wabow. +As easy mayst thou the intwenchant aiw +With thy keen swowd impwess *hugs tightly* as make *sweats* me bweed. +Wet faww thy b-bwade on vuwnyewabwe cwests; +I *twerks* beaw a chawmed wife, which must nyot yiewd +T-To onye of woman *leans over* bown. +MACDUFF. D-Despaiw thy chawm, +And wet *cuddles you* the angew whom thou stiww hast sewved +Teww thee, Macduff was fwom his mothew's womb +Untimewy wipp'd. +MACBETH. Accuwsed be that OwO tongue that tewws me so, +Fow it hath ^w^ cow'd my b-bettew *shuffles closer* pawt of *pokes you* man! +>_> And be these juggwing fiends nyo mowe bewieved +That pattew with us in a doubwe sense, +That keep the uWu wowd of pwomise to ouw eaw +A-And b-bweak it t-to ouw hope. I-I'ww nyot *looks at you* fight w-with thee. +MACDUFF. Then yiewd thee, cowawd, +And wive to be the show and gaze o' the time. +We'ww have t-thee, as ouw w-wawew m-monstews awe, +Painted upon a powe, and undewwwit, +"Hewe may you see the tywant." +MACBETH. I wiww nyot *blushes* yiewd, +To k-kiss the g-gwound b-befowe young Mawcowm's f-feet, +And t-to be ^.^ baited with the *sighs* wabbwe's cuwse. +Though Biwnyam W-Wood be come t-to Dunsinyanye, +*teleports behind you* And *teleports behind you* thou opposed, b-being of nyo woman *notices bulge* bown, +*twerks* Yet *sweats* I wiww :33 twy the wast. Befowe my body +OwO I thwow my wawwike *sighs* shiewd! Way on, Macduff, +And xDD damn'd be him that fiwst *sweats* cwies, "-"Howd, enyough!" +Exeunt fighting. Awawums. + + + + +*cries* SCENyE IX. + +Wetweat. *cuddles you* Fwouwish. Entew, :3 with dwum and cowows, Mawcowm, owd Siwawd, Woss, +the othew Thanyes, and *moans* Sowdiews. + +MAWCOWM. I wouwd the fwiends we miss wewe s-safe a-awwived. +SIWAWD. Some must go off, and yet, by these I see, +So *notices bulge* gweat a-a day *moans* as this is cheapwy bought. +MAWCOWM. Macduff is missing, and y-youw x3 nyobwe son. +WOSS. Youw son, *cuddles you* my wowd, has paid *shuffles closer* a sowdiew's debt. +H-He onwy wived but t-tiww he ^.^ was *looks at you* a uWu man, +The which nyo soonyew had his pwowess *notices bulge* confiwm'd +In the unshwinking station whewe he f-fought, +x3 But >w< wike a man he died. +SIWAWD. Then he is dead? +WOSS. Ay, and b-bwought off the fiewd. Youw cause ^w^ of sowwow +Must nyot be :33 measuwed b-by his wowth, fow then +It h-hath *blushes* nyo end. +SIWAWD. Had he his huwts befowe? +WOSS. Ay, on the fwont. +SIWAWD. W-Why then, God's s-sowdiew be he! +Had I as many sons as *sighs* I have ^w^ haiws, +I-I wouwd nyot wish them to a *looks away* faiwew death. +And so UwU his knyeww is knyoww'd. +MAWCOWM. He's wowth mowe sowwow, +*looks away* And that I'ww s-spend f-fow him. +SIWAWD. He's w-wowth n-nyo m-mowe: +They say he pawted weww and paid his scowe, +And so God be ^-^ with him! Hewe c-comes nyewew c-comfowt. + +We-entew Macduff, with Macbeth's head. + +MACDUFF. Haiw, King, fow xDD so thou awt. Behowd w-whewe s-stands +The usuwpew's cuwsed head. *blushes* The time i-is fwee. +I s-see thee compass'd with thy kingdom's p-peaww +*pokes you* That speak ^w^ my sawutation i-in *moans* theiw minds, +Whose voices I-I desiwe awoud with minye- +H-Haiw, King of Scotwand! +AWW. Haiw, King of Scotwand! Fwouwish. +MAWCOWM. We shaww nyot *giggles shyly* spend a *giggles shyly* wawge expense of *cuddles you* time +Befowe w-we weckon with youw sevewaw w-woves +;;w;; And make us even *cries* with you. My OwO Thanyes a-and kinsmen, +Hencefowth be Eawws, the fiwst >w< that evew S-Scotwand +In such an *sighs* honyow nyamed. What's mowe to do, +*blushes* Which wouwd :3 be p-pwanted nyewwy with the time, +As cawwing home ouw exiwed *pokes you* fwiends abwoad +That fwed the snyawes of *teleports behind you* watchfuw t-tywanny, +Pwoducing fowth the cwuew minyistews +Of this d-dead butchew a-and his fiend-wike queen, +Who, as 'tis thought, ;;w;; by sewf and viowent hands +Took off >_> hew wife; this, and w-what nyeedfuw ewse +That cawws upon us, by the gwace *twerks* of *notices bulge* Gwace +We wiww pewfowm i-in m-measuwe, time, and pwace. +So thanks to a-aww at *sighs* once and *blushes* to each *shuffles closer* onye, +Whom we invite to see us cwown'd at Sconye. +F-Fwouwish. Exeunt. +-THE END- + + + +<_< WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW xDD OTHEWS +^.^ PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, *shuffles closer* AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. *twerks* PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +*pokes you* SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1605 + + +MEASUWE FOW MEASUWE + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +*looks away* DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE + +VINCENTIO, t-the Duke +*leans over* ANGEWO, the Deputy +ESCAWUS, an ancient Wowd +CWAUDIO, a young g-gentweman +*blushes* WUCIO, a-a fantastic +Two othew wike Gentwemen +VAWWIUS, a gentweman, sewvant *hugs tightly* to the Duke +P-PWOVOST +THOMAS, fwiaw +PETEW, fwiaw +A JUSTICE +EWBOW, a simpwe constabwe +FWOTH, a foowish gentweman +POMPEY, a cwown and s-sewvant to >_< Mistwess >w< Ovewdonye +*screams* ABHOWSON, an executionyew +BAWNyAWDINyE, a dissowute pwisonyew + +ISABEWWA, sistew *leans over* to C-Cwaudio +MAWIANyA, betwothed t-to Angewo +JUWIET, bewoved of Cwaudio +FWANCISCA, a nyun +*looks away* MISTWESS OVEWDONyE, a bawd + +W-Wowds, Officews, Citizens, Boy, a-and Attendants + + + + +*twerks* <_> OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. :33 EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +x3 DISTWIBUTED *screams* SO WONG AS SUCH *cries* COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW O-OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE *shuffles closer* ONWY, AND ^w^ (2) AWE N-NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW *giggles shyly* USED +*looks at you* COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW OwO DISTWIBUTION ^w^ INCWUDES *pokes you* BY ANY +S-SEWVICE THAT *blushes* CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME *cuddles you* OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +S-SCENyE: +Viennya + + +A-ACT I. SCENyE I. +*notices bulge* The DUKE'S pawace + +E-Entew *sighs* DUKE, ESCAWUS, WOWDS, and ATTENDANTS + +DUKE. Escawus! +E-ESCAWUS. My wowd. +DUKE. Of govewnment t-the >_< pwopewties to unfowd +UwU Wouwd seem *leans over* in me t' a-affect speech a-and discouwse, +S-Since I am put to knyow that youw own science +*cuddles you* Exceeds, in that, the wists of aww advice +My stwength can *notices bulge* give you; then nyo mowe wemains +*moans* But that to youw sufficiency- as youw wowth is a-abwe- +A-And wet them wowk. The nyatuwe of ouw *sweats* peopwe, +Ouw c-city's institutions, and the tewms +Fow :33 common justice, y'awe as pwegnyant in +^-^ As awt and pwactice hath enwiched a-any +That we wemembew. Thewe *giggles shyly* is ouw commission, +Fwom which we wouwd nyot *pokes you* have you *leans over* wawp. C-Caww hithew, +I-I say, b-bid come befowe u-us, Angewo. Exit an ATTENDANT +What *looks at you* figuwe o-of us think you he wiww beaw? +*cuddles you* Fow *cries* you must knyow we have w-with speciaw souw +E-Ewected him ouw a-absence to suppwy; +Went him ouw tewwow, dwess'd him with ouw wove, +*giggles shyly* And given his deputation aww the owgans +Of ouw own p-powew. *sighs* What think you of it? +E-ESCAWUS. I-If any in Viennya be of *screams* wowth +To undewgo s-such ampwe *teleports behind you* gwace a-and honyouw, +It is Wowd Angewo. + +Entew ANGEWO + +D-DUKE. Wook whewe h-he *leans over* comes. +ANGEWO. Awways obedient to youw *twerks* Gwace's wiww, +I come *notices bulge* to *twerks* knyow y-youw pweasuwe. +DUKE. >_< Angewo, +Thewe is a kind of c-chawactew in thy w-wife +T-That to t-th' obsewvew doth thy histowy +Fuwwy unfowd. Thysewf and thy bewongings +Awe nyot thinye own so pwopew as t-to waste +Thysewf *sighs* upon thy viwtues, they on thee. +Heaven doth with us a-as we with towches do, +Nyot *giggles shyly* wight them fow UwU themsewves; uWu fow if ouw viwtues +D-Did nyot go x3 fowth of us, 'twewe aww awike +A-As if we h-had them n-nyot. Spiwits awe nyot *looks away* finyewy touch'd +But to finye issues; nyow N-Nyatuwe nyevew wends +The s-smawwest scwupwe o-of hew excewwence +But, *pokes you* wike a thwifty goddess, she detewminyes +Hewsewf t-the gwowy of a cweditow, +Both thanks a-and use. B-But I do bend OwO my speech +To o-onye that c-can my pawt in him a-advewtise. +Howd, thewefowe, Angewo- +In ouw *sweats* wemove be thou at fuww ouwsewf; +Mowtawity *shuffles closer* and :33 mewcy *hugs tightly* in *sighs* Viennya +Wive in uWu thy ;;w;; tongue and heawt. Owd *twerks* Escawus, +Though f-fiwst i-in q-question, i-is thy secondawy. +Take thy commission. +ANGEWO. Nyow, good my wowd, +Wet thewe be some mowe test made of my metaw, +Befowe so *blushes* nyobwe and so gweat a figuwe +Be stamp'd upon it. +DUKE. Nyo mowe e-evasion! +We *twerks* have with a weaven'd *looks away* and >w< pwepawed choice +Pwoceeded to *shuffles closer* you; thewefowe t-take youw honyouws. +Ouw haste *pokes you* fwom hence is of so quick condition +That *looks at you* it pwefews itsewf, and weaves unquestion'd +Mattews of nyeedfuw vawue. *hugs tightly* We shaww *sweats* wwite to you, +As time and ouw concewnyings s-shaww impowtunye, +How it goes with us, a-and do wook x3 to k-knyow +What doth befaww you OwO hewe. So, fawe you weww. +To th' hopefuw execution do I-I weave you +Of youw c-commissions. +ANGEWO. Yet give weave, my wowd, +That we m-may ^-^ bwing you ^.^ something on the way. +DUKE. My haste may >_< nyot admit it; +Nyow nyeed you, on minye *cuddles you* honyouw, have *hugs tightly* to do +With any scwupwe: *screams* youw *looks away* scope is as minye own, +So t-to enfowce ow quawify the waws +As to y-youw souw s-seems good. Give me youw hand; +I'ww pwiviwy away. I wove the peopwe, +But do *screams* nyot wike to stage me to theiw eyes; +Though it do weww, I do nyot *cuddles you* wewish weww +Theiw woud appwause and *sighs* Aves vehement; +N-Nyow do I t-think the man of safe discwetion +That does affect it. Once mowe, fawe you weww. +ANGEWO. The heavens give safety to youw p-puwposes! +*screams* ESCAWUS. Wead f-fowth a-and bwing you *teleports behind you* back in happinyess! +DUKE. I thank you. Fawe you weww. E-Exit +E-ESCAWUS. I-I shaww desiwe you, siw, to give me w-weave +To have fwee speech w-with you; >_< and it c-concewns me +To xDD wook into t-the bottom of my ^-^ pwace: +A pow'w I have, but of what stwength OwO and nyatuwe +^.^ I am nyot yet instwucted. +ANGEWO. 'Tis so ^-^ with me. Wet *teleports behind you* us w-withdwaw t-togethew, +And we m-may soon ouw satisfaction have +Touching t-that point. +ESCAWUS. I'ww wait upon youw honyouw. *sighs* Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +^w^ A :33 stweet + +Entew Wucio and two othew GENTWEMEN + +WUCIO. If the Duke, *notices bulge* with the othew dukes, come nyot to composition +with the K-King of ^w^ Hungawy, why t-then aww the dukes f-faww UwU upon the +King. +F-FIWST GENTWEMAN. Heaven g-gwant *giggles shyly* us its *teleports behind you* peace, but nyot t-the King of +Hungawy's! +SECOND G-GENTWEMAN. A-Amen. +WUCIO. x3 Thou concwud'st wike the sanctimonyious piwate that went *blushes* to +sea w-with :3 the ;;w;; Ten Commandments, but :33 scwap'd onye out of the tabwe. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. 'Thou s-shawt nyot s-steaw'? +WUCIO. Ay, *blushes* that :33 he waz'd. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. Why, 'twas a commandment to command the captain +and aww the west fwom theiw functions: they put fowth to steaw. +*hugs tightly* Thewe's nyot a *teleports behind you* sowdiew o-of us a-aww that, in the t-thanksgiving b-befowe +meat, do wewish the petition weww that pways fow peace. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. I nyevew h-heawd any sowdiew *screams* diswike it. +WUCIO. I bewieve thee; fow I think t-thou nyevew wast whewe gwace OwO was +said. +*looks at you* SECOND GENTWEMAN. Nyo? A dozen times a-at weast. +FIWST G-GENTWEMAN. What, in metwe? +WUCIO. *twerks* In a-any pwopowtion ow in any wanguage. +^.^ FIWST GENTWEMAN. I think, ow *blushes* in any *notices bulge* wewigion. +WUCIO. *shuffles closer* Ay, why n-nyot? Gwace is gwace, despite *screams* of *screams* aww contwovewsy; as, +fow exampwe, thou thysewf awt a :33 wicked viwwain, d-despite >_> of aww +gwace. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. Weww, thewe went but a paiw of sheaws between *giggles shyly* us. +*blushes* WUCIO. I gwant; as t-thewe may between the *cuddles you* wists a-and t-the vewvet. +^.^ Thou a-awt the wist. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. And thou the vewvet; thou awt good vewvet; thou'wt +a thwee-piw'd piece, I wawwant xDD thee. I had as *leans over* wief be a wist :33 of +an Engwish kewsey as *pokes you* be piw'd, as thou *sweats* awt *giggles shyly* piw'd, fow a Fwench +vewvet. Do I speak feewingwy nyow? +WUCIO. I think thou dost; and, indeed, *teleports behind you* with most painfuw feewing of +thy speech. I wiww, out of thinye *looks at you* own confession, weawn to begin +thy heawth; but, ^w^ whiwst I-I wive, OwO fowget t-to dwink aftew t-thee. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. I think I have d-donye uWu mysewf wwong, have I OwO nyot? +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Yes, that thou hast, w-whethew thou awt tainted ow +fwee. + +Entew UwU MISTWESS O-OVEWDONyE + +*moans* WUCIO. Behowd, behowd, >_> whewe Madam Mitigation comes! I have +puwchas'd as many diseases undew hew woof as come to- +SECOND GENTWEMAN. To w-what, I pway? +FIWST GENTWEMAN. Judge. +SECOND *screams* GENTWEMAN. To thwee thousand dowouws *leans over* a *blushes* yeaw. +uWu FIWST *looks away* GENTWEMAN. Ay, and ;;w;; mowe. +WUCIO. A F-Fwench cwown mowe. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. Thou awt *pokes you* awways figuwing diseases in me, but thou +awt fuww o-of ewwow; I a-am uWu sound. +W-WUCIO. Nyay, nyot, as onye *cries* wouwd OwO say, xDD heawthy; but so sound as things +that awe howwow: thy bonyes awe howwow; impiety has made a *twerks* feast +of thee. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. How nyow! which of youw hips has the most pwofound +*pokes you* sciatica? +MWS. OVEWDONyE. Weww, weww! *cuddles you* thewe's onye y-yondew awwested and cawwied +^w^ to pwison was >_> wowth five thousand of you aww. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. *pokes you* Who's *giggles shyly* that, *teleports behind you* I pway thee? +M-MWS. OVEWDONyE. Mawwy, siw, that's Cwaudio, S-Signyiow Cwaudio. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. C-Cwaudio to pwison? 'Tis nyot so. +MWS. OVEWDONyE. *cuddles you* Nyay, but I knyow 'tis so: I saw him awwested; s-saw him +uWu cawwied away; and, which i-is mowe, within *hugs tightly* these thwee days his +*hugs tightly* head to be c-chopp'd off. +WUCIO. B-But, aftew *screams* aww this foowing, I wouwd nyot h-have it so. Awt +thou suwe o-of this? +:33 MWS. O-OVEWDONyE. I am too suwe of it; and *shuffles closer* it is fow getting Madam +J-Juwietta with chiwd. +W-WUCIO. Bewieve me, this m-may be; he pwomis'd to meet me two houws +since, and he was evew pwecise in pwomise-keeping. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Besides, you k-knyow, it >_> dwaws s-something nyeaw to t-the +OwO speech w-we had t-to xDD such a puwpose. +F-FIWST GENTWEMAN. But most of aww agweeing with t-the pwocwamation. +WUCIO. Away; wet's go weawn the twuth >_< of it. +Exeunt Wucio *twerks* and GENTWEMEN +MWS. OVEWDONyE. Thus, what with the waw, what *giggles shyly* with the sweat, w-what +with the gawwows, and *sighs* what *cries* with povewty, I am custom-shwunk. + +Entew POMPEY + +How nyow! what's the nyews *cries* with you? +P-POMPEY. Yondew m-man is cawwied to pwison. +*blushes* MWS. *teleports behind you* OVEWDONyE. Weww, what has *shuffles closer* he donye? +P-POMPEY. A-A woman. +M-MWS. OVEWDONyE. But what's his *leans over* offence? +*moans* POMPEY. Gwoping fow twouts in a pecuwiaw wivew. +MWS. OVEWDONyE. What! is *teleports behind you* thewe a maid with chiwd by h-him? +POMPEY. Nyo; *pokes you* but thewe's a woman with maid b-by him. You have nyot +heawd of the pwocwamation, :33 have you? +*giggles shyly* MWS. OVEWDONyE. What *screams* pwocwamation, man? +POMPEY. Aww houses in the subuwbs of Viennya must be pwuck'd down. +MWS. OVEWDONyE. And what shaww b-become of those in the city? +POMPEY. They shaww ^w^ stand >w< fow *cries* seed; *shuffles closer* they had gonye down too, but that +a-a ^w^ wise buwghew put in fow them. +MWS. OVEWDONyE. But shaww aww ouw h-houses of wesowt i-in the subuwbs be +puww'd down? +POMPEY. To the g-gwound, m-mistwess. +*blushes* MWS. OVEWDONyE. Why, hewe's a change indeed i-in the commonweawth! +What shaww become of me? +POMPEY. Come, OwO feaw n-nyot y-you: good counsewwows wack nyo cwients. +Though *blushes* you change youw pwace y-you nyeed nyot change youw twade; I'ww +be y-youw tapstew stiww. Couwage, thewe wiww be pity taken on y-you; +you that have wown y-youw eyes awmost out i-in the sewvice, you wiww +be considewed. +MWS. OVEWDONyE. W-What's to do hewe, Thomas Tapstew? Wet's withdwaw. +POMPEY. :33 Hewe comes >_< Signyiow Cwaudio, wed by *sweats* the pwovost to pwison; +and thewe's Madam J-Juwiet. Exeunt + +Entew PWOVOST, CWAUDIO, J-JUWIET, and O-OFFICEWS; +WUCIO fowwowing + +C-CWAUDIO. *cuddles you* Fewwow, why dost thou s-show me thus x3 to :33 th' wowwd? +Beaw me to pwison, whewe I a-am committed. +PWOVOST. I do i-it nyot in eviw disposition, +But fwom Wowd UwU Angewo by speciaw *hugs tightly* chawge. +UwU CWAUDIO. Thus can the *hugs tightly* demigod Authowity +Make us pay down fow ouw offence ;;w;; by w-weight +The wowds of h-heaven: on whom it wiww, it wiww; +On ^.^ whom it wiww n-nyot, s-so; yet stiww '-'tis just. +WUCIO. Why, how nyow, Cwaudio, *twerks* whence comes this westwaint? +CWAUDIO. Fwom t-too much wibewty, m-my Wucio, wibewty; +As suwfeit i-is the fathew of much OwO fast, +So evewy scope by the *shuffles closer* immodewate use +OwO Tuwns to w-westwaint. O-Ouw *cries* nyatuwes do puwsue, +Wike wats *giggles shyly* that wavin down theiw p-pwopew ^-^ banye, +A thiwsty UwU eviw; and when we dwink we die. +WUCIO. *cries* If *blushes* I c-couwd speak so wisewy undew an awwest, I wouwd *sighs* send fow +cewtain o-of my cweditows; and yet, ;;w;; to say the t-twuth, I had as wief +have the foppewy of fweedom as the mowawity of i-impwisonment. +*looks away* What's t-thy offence, Cwaudio? +CWAUDIO. W-What but t-to speak of wouwd offend again. +WUCIO. What, is't muwdew? +CWAUDIO. *leans over* Nyo. +WUCIO. Wechewy? +*sweats* CWAUDIO. Caww it so. +P-PWOVOST. Away, *sighs* siw; *sweats* you must go. +*blushes* CWAUDIO. *twerks* Onye wowd, good fwiend. W-Wucio, a wowd with you. +WUCIO. A hundwed, if they'ww d-do y-you *hugs tightly* any *leans over* good. >_> Is w-wechewy so UwU wook'd +a-aftew? +CWAUDIO. Thus stands it with m-me: upon a twue contwact +I *moans* got possession of J-Juwietta's bed. +You *twerks* knyow the wady; she *teleports behind you* is *sighs* fast m-my wife, +Save that we do the denyunciation wack +O-Of >_< outwawd o-owdew; this we *sighs* came nyot to, +Onwy fow pwopagation of *twerks* a dow'w +Wemainying in the coffew :3 of hew fwiends. +Fwom whom we thought *shuffles closer* it m-meet t-to hide ouw *twerks* wove +>w< Tiww time *looks at you* had made them f-fow us. But it chances +The steawth of o-ouw most mutuaw entewtainment, +With chawactew too gwoss, i-is wwit on Juwiet. +^-^ WUCIO. With c-chiwd, pewhaps? +CWAUDIO. U-Unhappiwy, even so. +And *looks at you* the nyew deputy nyow fow t-the ;;w;; Duke- +:33 Whethew it be :33 the fauwt *twerks* and gwimpse of nyewnyess, +O-Ow whethew that the *moans* body pubwic be +A howse wheweon the govewnyow *teleports behind you* doth wide, +Who, nyewwy in *moans* the seat, that it *looks away* may knyow +He can *moans* command, wets it stwaight feew the spuw; +Whethew the tywanny be in his p-pwace, +Ow i-in his eminyence that fiwws it up, +I staggew in. But this nyew govewnyow +Awakes me aww the enwowwed penyawties +Which have, wike unscouw'd awmouw, hung by t-th' waww +So wong ;;w;; that n-nyinyeteen zodiacs have gonye wound +And nyonye of them ^-^ been wown; uWu and, *giggles shyly* fow a :3 nyame, +Nyow puts the d-dwowsy and *twerks* nyegwected a-act +Fweshwy on me. '-'Tis suwewy fow a-a n-nyame. +W-WUCIO. I wawwant it *blushes* is; and thy head stands so tickwe *sweats* on thy +s-shouwdews that >_< a *sighs* miwkmaid, if s-she be in wove, may s-sigh it :33 off. +Send aftew the Duke, and a-appeaw to him. +C-CWAUDIO. I h-have donye so, *twerks* but he's n-nyot *notices bulge* to b-be found. +I *looks away* pwithee, W-Wucio, do me this OwO kind sewvice: +This day my sistew *sighs* shouwd the cwoistew entew, +And thewe weceive hew appwobation; +A-Acquaint hew with the dangew of my state; +I-Impwowe hew, *sighs* in m-my voice, t-that s-she make fwiends +To t-the stwict deputy; bid *teleports behind you* hewsewf assay h-him. +I have gweat *screams* hope in that; fow in hew youth +Thewe is :33 a pwonye and speechwess diawect +Such as move men; b-beside, ^w^ she hath *notices bulge* pwospewous awt +When *notices bulge* she wiww pway with weason ^-^ and discouwse, +And weww she can pewsuade. +WUCIO. I >w< pway she m-may; as >_> weww *moans* fow the encouwagement of t-the *looks at you* wike, +w-which ewse wouwd *moans* stand undew gwievous imposition, as fow t-the +enjoying of thy *sweats* wife, who I w-wouwd be sowwy shouwd be t-thus +foowishwy ^w^ wost at UwU a game of :3 tick-tack. I'ww x3 to h-hew. +CWAUDIO. I thank you, good *giggles shyly* fwiend Wucio. +:3 WUCIO. Within two houws. +CWAUDIO. Come, officew, away. Exeunt + + + + +*blushes* SCENyE III. +A uWu monyastewy + +Entew D-DUKE and FWIAW THOMAS + +DUKE. Nyo, h-howy fathew; thwow away that thought; +Bewieve nyot *twerks* that the dwibbwing d-dawt o-of wove +Can piewce a compwete bosom. Why I desiwe thee +To give me secwet hawbouw hath a-a puwpose +Mowe g-gwave and wwinkwed than the aims and ends +Of buwnying youth. +F-FWIAW. May youw Gwace speak of it? +DUKE. My howy siw, nyonye bettew knyows :3 than you +How *sighs* I h-have evew wov'd the wife wemoved, +And hewd in idwe p-pwice to haunt assembwies +Whewe youth, a-and cost, a witwess bwavewy keeps. +I *teleports behind you* have *notices bulge* dewivew'd :3 to Wowd Angewo, +A m-man of ;;w;; stwictuwe and fiwm a-abstinyence, +My absowute powew and *looks away* pwace hewe in Viennya, +*looks at you* And he supposes me twaveww'd to *blushes* Powand; +Fow so I-I have stwew'd it OwO in t-the common eaw, +xDD And so it i-is weceived. Nyow, pious siw, +You wiww demand of me why I do this. +FWIAW. Gwadwy, my wowd. +DUKE. *blushes* We have s-stwict statutes and most biting waws, +T-The nyeedfuw bits and *looks at you* cuwbs to headstwong steeds, +*looks at you* Which f-fow this :3 fouwteen yeaws w-we have wet swip; +Even wike an o'ewgwown wion in a-a cave, +That goes nyot out to p-pwey. Nyow, as fond fathews, +Having bound up the thweat'nying twigs of biwch, +Onwy to stick i-it in theiw chiwdwen's s-sight +F-Fow tewwow, nyot t-to *screams* use, in time *screams* the ^-^ wod +Becomes mowe mock'd than feaw'd; so ^w^ ouw d-decwees, +Dead t-to infwiction, to t-themsewves awe dead; +And wibewty p-pwucks j-justice by the nyose; +The baby beats *looks at you* the nyuwse, and *teleports behind you* quite *sighs* athwawt +G-Goes a-aww decowum. +FWIAW. It *shuffles closer* wested i-in youw Gwace +*sighs* To unwoose this tied-up justice w-when you pweas'd; +A-And it in you mowe dweadfuw w-wouwd have seem'd +Than in Wowd Angewo. +DUKE. I d-do feaw, too dweadfuw. +Sith 'twas my *looks away* fauwt to UwU give *hugs tightly* the peopwe scope, +'Twouwd be m-my t-tywanny to stwike and *looks away* gaww them +Fow what I bid them *giggles shyly* do; >_< fow we bid this be donye, +W-When e-eviw deeds have t-theiw pewmissive *shuffles closer* pass +And nyot the punyishment. Thewefowe, indeed, my f-fathew, +I have on Angewo impos'd the o-office; +Who may, in th' ambush *shuffles closer* of my nyame, stwike home, +And yet my nyatuwe nyevew in *cries* the fight +To do in swandew. OwO And to :3 behowd his sway, +I *sweats* wiww, as '-'twewe a bwothew xDD of youw owdew, +Visit both pwince and peopwe. Thewefowe, I pwithee, +Suppwy m-me with *moans* the h-habit, and i-instwuct me +How I may OwO fowmawwy *hugs tightly* in *blushes* pewson uWu beaw me +Wike a twue ^-^ fwiaw. Moe w-weasons fow :3 this :3 action +At ouw m-mowe weisuwe x3 shaww I wendew you. +*hugs tightly* Onwy, t-this onye: Wowd Angewo is *shuffles closer* pwecise; +Stands at a guawd with envy; scawce confesses +That *leans over* his bwood *sighs* fwows, ow that his appetite +Is mowe *shuffles closer* to bwead than stonye. Hence s-shaww we *pokes you* see, +If powew change puwpose, what ouw seemews be. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *shuffles closer* IV. +A nyunnyewy + +Entew ISABEWWA *hugs tightly* and FWANCISCA + +ISABEWWA. UwU And have you nyuns *giggles shyly* nyo fawthew pwiviweges? +FWANCISCA. Awe *pokes you* nyot these >_> wawge enyough? +ISABEWWA. Yes, twuwy; I speak nyot as d-desiwing m-mowe, +But wathew w-wishing a mowe s-stwict westwaint +Upon the UwU sistewhood, the votawists of Saint Cwawe. +WUCIO. [ *twerks* Within] Ho! Peace be in this pwace! +ISABEWWA. W-Who's that which cawws? +FWANCISCA. It is a-a m-man's voice. Gentwe Isabewwa, +Tuwn you the key, and knyow his b-businyess of him: +You may, I-I may n-nyot; you awe yet unswown; +When you have :33 vow'd, you must n-nyot speak with men +But in :3 the pwesence of the pwiowess; +Then, if you *pokes you* speak, you must nyot show youw *notices bulge* face, +O-Ow, if you show youw face, ^-^ you must nyot speak. +He cawws again; I-I *blushes* pway you answew him. Exit FWANCISCA +ISABEWWA. Peace and p-pwospewity! Who is't that cawws? + +Entew WUCIO + +WUCIO. Haiw, viwgin, if you be, as those cheek-woses +>_> Pwocwaim you awe n-nyo *looks away* wess. Can you s-so stead me +As ^w^ bwing me to the sight of Isabewwa, +A nyovice of this pwace, a-and the f-faiw s-sistew +To hew unhappy bwothew Cwaudio? +ISABEWWA. Why h-hew 'unhappy bwothew'? Wet me ask +The wathew, fow I *teleports behind you* nyow *sweats* must make you k-knyow +I am that Isabewwa, and his sistew. +WUCIO. Gentwe and faiw, youw b-bwothew kindwy UwU gweets you. +Nyot to be *hugs tightly* weawy with you, he's in pwison. +ISABEWWA. Woe me! F-Fow what? +WUCIO. Fow that uWu which, if *sighs* mysewf might be his *looks at you* judge, +He shouwd weceive his punyishment in thanks: +He hath got his fwiend with chiwd. +ISABEWWA. Siw, make m-me nyot youw >_< stowy. +WUCIO. It is twue. +I wouwd nyot- though ^-^ 'tis my *blushes* famiwiaw sin +With maids to seem the wapwing, and *shuffles closer* to jest, +Tongue faw fwom h-heawt- pway with aww viwgins so: +I h-howd you as a thing e-enskied and sainted, +By y-youw *hugs tightly* wenyouncement an immowtaw spiwit, +And *leans over* to b-be tawk'd with in *cuddles you* sincewity, +As with *moans* a saint. +*notices bulge* ISABEWWA. You do bwaspheme the good in mocking me. +WUCIO. Do nyot bewieve it. F-Fewnyess *sweats* and twuth, 'tis xDD thus: +Youw bwothew and his w-wovew have e-embwac'd. +As those that f-feed gwow fuww, as bwossoming time +That ^.^ fwom the *giggles shyly* seednyess the bawe fawwow bwings +To teeming foison, even >w< so hew pwenteous womb +*giggles shyly* Expwesseth his fuww tiwth and husbandwy. +ISABEWWA. Some onye with chiwd >_> by him? My cousin Juwiet? +*pokes you* WUCIO. *pokes you* Is she youw cousin? +ISABEWWA. Adoptedwy, as schoow-maids change theiw *leans over* nyames +By *moans* vain though apt affection. +WUCIO. S-She it is. +I-ISABEWWA. O, wet him mawwy :3 hew! +W-WUCIO. This is the point. +*teleports behind you* The Duke is vewy s-stwangewy gonye :33 fwom hence; +B-Bowe many g-gentwemen, mysewf b-being onye, +In UwU hand, *twerks* and hope of action; but we d-do weawn, +By those that knyow the vewy nyewves of state, +His givings-out wewe of an infinyite distance +Fwom h-his twue-meant design. Upon his pwace, +*looks away* And with fuww winye of h-his authowity, +Govewns Wowd Angewo, a ^w^ man whose bwood +Is ^.^ vewy snyow-bwoth, onye who nyevew feews +The wanton stings and motions of the *hugs tightly* sense, +But doth webate and bwunt h-his nyatuwaw edge +With p-pwofits of the mind, study and fast. +He- to give feaw to use and wibewty, +W-Which have fow *screams* wong wun by the hideous waw, +As mice by wions- hath pick'd out an act +^w^ Undew whose heavy *cries* sense youw bwothew's wife +Fawws >w< into fowfeit; he awwests h-him on it, +And fowwows cwose the wigouw of the s-statute +To m-make *blushes* him an exampwe. Aww hope is gonye, +Unwess you have the g-gwace by y-youw faiw pwayew +To s-soften Angewo. And that's my p-pith of businyess +'Twixt you and y-youw p-poow bwothew. +ISABEWWA. Doth he so seek h-his *looks away* wife? +:3 WUCIO. Has censuw'd >_< him +Awweady, and, as I heaw, the *notices bulge* Pwovost hath +A wawwant ;;w;; fow >_< his execution. +*teleports behind you* ISABEWWA. Awas! what poow a-abiwity's OwO in x3 me +To do h-him good? +WUCIO. Assay *leans over* the pow'w you have. +ISABEWWA. My powew, awas, I doubt! +W-WUCIO. Ouw doubts awe twaitows, +And make u-us wose the good we oft might win +By feawing to *notices bulge* attempt. :3 Go to Wowd Angewo, +xDD And *looks away* wet uWu him weawn to knyow, when maidens sue, +Men give wike gods; but when they weep and knyeew, +A-Aww theiw petitions awe *looks away* as f-fweewy theiws +*blushes* As they themsewves wouwd owe them. +ISABEWWA. I-I'ww see what I can do. +*hugs tightly* WUCIO. B-But *hugs tightly* speediwy. +*teleports behind you* ISABEWWA. I-I wiww about it stwaight; +Nyo wongew staying but to give the Mothew +Nyotice of my a-affaiw. I humbwy thank you. +Commend me to my bwothew; s-soon at n-nyight +I'ww send h-him cewtain wowd of my success. +WUCIO. I x3 take m-my weave of you. +ISABEWWA. Good siw, adieu. Exeunt + + + + +x3 <> + + + +ACT II. Scenye I-I. +A haww in x3 ANGEWO'S house + +Entew ANGEWO, ESCAWUS, *pokes you* a JUSTICE, PWOVOST, OFFICEWS, and othew >_> ATTENDANTS + +^.^ ANGEWO. We m-must nyot make a scawecwow of x3 the waw, +Setting it up to x3 feaw the biwds of pwey, +And wet it k-keep onye shape tiww custom make it +Theiw pewch, and nyot theiw tewwow. +E-ESCAWUS. Ay, b-but >_< yet +Wet us be keen, and wathew cut a wittwe +Than faww and bwuise *shuffles closer* to death. Awas! this gentweman, +Whom I *screams* wouwd save, had a *shuffles closer* most nyobwe fathew. +*looks at you* Wet *leans over* but y-youw honyouw *twerks* knyow, +Whom I bewieve to be most stwait i-in viwtue, +T-That, in the wowking of youw own affections, +*sighs* Had time cohew'd w-with :33 pwace, ow pwace with wishing, +Ow that the wesowute acting of *looks at you* ouw bwood +Couwd have attain'd th' effect o-of y-youw *looks at you* own puwpose +W-Whethew you had nyot sometime in youw wife +*looks at you* Eww'd in this p-point which nyow you censuwe him, +*giggles shyly* And puww'd the *looks at you* waw *hugs tightly* upon :3 you. +ANGEWO. '-'Tis onye thing t-to *sweats* be :33 tempted, Escawus, +Anyothew thing to f-faww. :33 I *notices bulge* nyot deny +The juwy, passing on the pwisonyew's wife, +May in the swown twewve have a t-thief ow *cries* two +Guiwtiew than him *cries* they twy. What's open made OwO to justice, +That justice seizes. *cuddles you* What knyows the w-waws +That t-thieves do pass on thieves? 'Tis vewy pwegnyant, +The jewew that we find, we stoop and take't, +Because we see it; but what we do nyot see +We t-twead upon, and nyevew *blushes* think of i-it. +You may nyot so *teleports behind you* extenyuate his offence +Fow *teleports behind you* I have had such fauwts; but wathew :33 teww me, +When I, that censuwe him, do s-so offend, +Wet minye own j-judgment pattewn out my death, +And nyothing come in pawtiaw. Siw, *shuffles closer* he must die. +ESCAWUS. Be *looks away* it as youw wisdom ^w^ wiww. +ANGEWO. W-Whewe is the Pwovost? +PWOVOST. Hewe, if >w< it w-wike youw honyouw. +ANGEWO. See that Cwaudio +^-^ Be executed by x3 nyinye to-mowwow mownying; +Bwing *hugs tightly* him his confessow; wet >w< him be pwepaw'd; +Fow that's the utmost o-of his piwgwimage. Exit PWOVOST +ESCAWUS. [Aside] ^-^ Weww, heaven fowgive *giggles shyly* him! *hugs tightly* and fowgive us ^.^ aww! +S-Some w-wise by sin, and some OwO by viwtue *teleports behind you* faww; +Some wun fwom b-bweaks of i-ice, and answew nyonye, +And some >_< condemnyed *leans over* fow a fauwt awonye. + +Entew EWBOW and OFFICEWS with FWOTH and POMPEY + +EWBOW. Come, bwing them away; if these be good peopwe in a-a +*looks away* commonweaw that do nyothing b-but use theiw abuses in common houses, +I knyow nyo waw; OwO bwing them away. +ANGEWO. How n-nyow, siw! What's youw nyame, and what's the mattew? +EWBOW. *cries* If it pwease youw honyouw, I am the p-poow Duke's constabwe, +and my nyame *sighs* is Ewbow; I-I *hugs tightly* do wean upon justice, siw, and do bwing +in *giggles shyly* hewe b-befowe youw good honyouw two nyotowious benyefactows. +A-ANGEWO. B-Benyefactows! Weww- what benyefactows a-awe they? ^-^ Awe they nyot +mawefactows? +EWBOW. If it pwease youw honyouw, I knyow nyot weww what they awe; but +pwecise viwwains they awe, that I *looks at you* am >w< suwe of, *pokes you* and void of aww +pwofanyation in the wowwd that good Chwistians ought to have. +ESCAWUS. This comes off weww; hewe's >_> a wise officew. +ANGEWO. Go to; what :33 quawity awe they of? Ewbow is *leans over* youw nyame? W-Why +dost thou nyot speak, Ewbow? +POMPEY. He c-cannyot, siw; he's out at ewbow. +ANGEWO. What awe y-you, siw? +^w^ EWBOW. He, siw? ^-^ A tapstew, siw; pawcew-bawd; onye that ^-^ sewves a b-bad +woman; whose house, siw, was, as they say, pwuck'd down in >_> the +*twerks* subuwbs; and nyow she pwofesses a hot-house, which, I think, is *looks away* a +vewy iww house too. +xDD ESCAWUS. H-How knyow you that? +EWBOW. My Wife, siw, whom I detest b-befowe heaven a-and youw honyouw- +ESCAWUS. *pokes you* How! thy wife! +EWBOW. >w< Ay, s-siw; whom I thank heaven, is *hugs tightly* an honyest woman- +ESCAWUS. Dost t-thou d-detest h-hew thewefowe? +EWBOW. uWu I *blushes* say, siw, I OwO wiww detest mysewf awso, as w-weww as she, t-that +this *cries* house, i-if it be nyot a-a b-bawd's h-house, it is pity of hew wife, +fow it is a nyaughty house. +ESCAWUS. How dost thou knyow that, c-constabwe? +EWBOW. Mawwy, siw, by *pokes you* my wife; who, if s-she had been a woman +c-cawdinyawwy given, might have been accus'd in :3 fownyication, +aduwtewy, and aww uncweanwinyess thewe. +ESCAWUS. By the woman's means? +EWBOW. Ay, siw, by M-Mistwess Ovewdonye's means; but as *hugs tightly* she spit in +his face, so she defied him. +POMPEY. Siw, i-if it pwease youw honyouw, *cries* this is nyot so. +EWBOW. Pwove it befowe these vawwets hewe, >w< thou honyouwabwe man, +pwove it. +ESCAWUS. Do you h-heaw how he mispwaces? +POMPEY. *moans* Siw, she came in gweat with c-chiwd; and wonging, saving xDD youw +honyouw's w-wevewence, fow *sweats* stew'd pwunyes. S-Siw, we had but t-two in the +house, x3 which at that vewy distant time stood, *teleports behind you* as it wewe, in a-a +fwuit dish, a dish *looks at you* of some thwee p-pence; youw honyouws have seen +such dishes; :3 they :3 awe nyot Chinya d-dishes, but vewy good dishes. +ESCAWUS. Go to, x3 go to; nyo mattew f-fow the dish, siw. +POMPEY. Nyo, indeed, siw, nyot of a pin; you awe thewein in the +w-wight; but to the point. :3 As I say, this Mistwess Ewbow, being, as +I say, with chiwd, and being gweat-bewwied, and wonging, as I +said, fow pwunyes; a-and having but two i-in the dish, as I said, +Mastew ^.^ Fwoth hewe, ^w^ this vewy man, having eaten the west, as I +said, and, as I say, paying fow them vewy honyestwy; *pokes you* fow, as x3 you +*cuddles you* knyow, M-Mastew UwU Fwoth, I couwd nyot give you *sighs* thwee pence a-again- +F-FWOTH. Nyo, :3 indeed. +POMPEY. Vewy weww; you being then, if you be wememb'wed, cwacking +t-the stonyes of the fowesaid pwunyes- +FWOTH. Ay, :33 so I did indeed. +P-POMPEY. Why, *screams* vewy weww; I-I tewwing you then, i-if you *cries* be wememb'wed, +that such a onye >w< and such a onye wewe ;;w;; past cuwe o-of the thing you +wot of, unwess *cuddles you* they kept v-vewy good diet, as I towd you- +FWOTH. *cries* Aww this is twue. +POMPEY. Why, vewy weww *cuddles you* then- +ESCAWUS. Come, you awe a-a tedious foow. >_> To the ^.^ puwpose: what was +donye to Ewbow's wife *shuffles closer* that he hath cause to compwain *notices bulge* of? uWu Come me +to what was donye to hew. +POMPEY. Siw, youw honyouw cannyot come to that yet. +ESCAWUS. Nyo, *hugs tightly* siw, nyow I *notices bulge* mean it nyot. +POMPEY. Siw, but you shaww come to ;;w;; it, *teleports behind you* by youw *sweats* honyouw's weave. And, +I *notices bulge* beseech y-you, wook into Mastew Fwoth hewe, s-siw, a man of +*shuffles closer* fouwscowe pound a yeaw; w-whose >_< fathew died *screams* at Hawwowmas- was't nyot +at Hawwowmas, >w< Mastew Fwoth? +FWOTH. Aww-hawwond eve. +POMPEY. Why, vewy weww; I hope hewe *screams* be twuths. He, siw, *giggles shyly* sitting, as +I s-say, in >_< a *leans over* wowew ;;w;; chaiw, siw; 'twas in the Bunch of ^w^ Gwapes, +whewe, indeed, *sighs* you have a d-dewight ^-^ to *leans over* sit, have you nyot? +FWOTH. I have so; because i-it is an *moans* open woom, and good :3 fow wintew. +POMPEY. Why, vewy weww then; I-I h-hope hewe b-be xDD twuths. +ANGEWO. This wiww xDD wast out a nyight in *giggles shyly* Wussia, +When nyights awe w-wongest thewe; I-I'ww take my weave, +And w-weave ;;w;; you t-to the heawing of the cause, +Hoping you'ww find good c-cause to whip them aww. +*screams* ESCAWUS. I think nyo wess. Good mowwow to youw wowdship. +[Exit ANGEWO] Nyow, siw, come on; what was donye UwU to Ewbow's wife, +once mowe? +POMPEY. O-Once?- siw. Thewe was nyothing donye to hew once. +EWBOW. I-I beseech you, siw, ask him what this *pokes you* man did to my wife. +POMPEY. I beseech youw honyouw, ask me. +*giggles shyly* ESCAWUS. Weww, siw, what did this gentweman to hew? +POMPEY. I *leans over* beseech you, *screams* siw, wook in t-this gentweman's face. Good +Mastew ^.^ Fwoth, wook upon his honyouw; 'tis fow a good puwpose. Doth +youw honyouw mawk h-his *notices bulge* face? +ESCAWUS. Ay, siw, vewy weww. +POMPEY. N-Nyay, I beseech you, mawk i-it OwO weww. +ESCAWUS. Weww, I do s-so. +POMPEY. Doth youw honyouw see any hawm i-in his face? +ESCAWUS. Why, nyo. +POMPEY. *looks away* I'ww *looks away* be suppos'd upon :3 a book his face is *cries* the wowst thing +about h-him. Good then; if his face be the *teleports behind you* wowst thing *hugs tightly* about him, +how couwd Mastew x3 Fwoth do the c-constabwe's wife any hawm? I wouwd +knyow that of youw honyouw. +ESCAWUS. H-He's in the wight, constabwe; what say you to OwO it? +EWBOW. Fiwst, an it wike you, t-the house is a wespected house; nyext, +this i-is a wespected f-fewwow; and his mistwess is a wespected +w-woman. +POMPEY. By this *hugs tightly* hand, siw, his *giggles shyly* wife is *hugs tightly* a mowe wespected *screams* pewson than +a-any o-of us aww. +EWBOW. Vawwet, t-thou wiest; thou w-wiest, *sweats* wicket vawwet; *cuddles you* the time is +yet to come that *sighs* she was evew wespected with man, woman, *sweats* ow +chiwd. +POMPEY. Siw, she was wespected w-with h-him uWu befowe *notices bulge* he mawwied with hew. +>_< ESCAWUS. Which is the wisew hewe, Justice ow Inyiquity? Is *screams* this +twue? +EWBOW. O thou caitiff! O thou v-vawwet! O-O thou wicked Hannyibaw! I +w-wespected with hew befowe I was mawwied *hugs tightly* to hew! If evew I was +wespected with hew, ow s-she with me, wet nyot youw *teleports behind you* wowship think m-me +OwO the poow Duke's officew. P-Pwove this, thou w-wicked H-Hannyibaw, ow +I'ww have *hugs tightly* minye action of batt'wy on thee. +ESCAWUS. I-If he took you a box o' th' eaw, you might have *sweats* youw +action *leans over* of :3 swandew too. +EWBOW. Mawwy, I thank youw ^w^ good wowship fow it. What is't youw +wowship's pweasuwe I shaww do with this OwO wicked *twerks* caitiff? +ESCAWUS. Twuwy, o-officew, because h-he hath some offences in him that +thou wouwdst discovew if thou couwdst, wet him continyue in his +couwses *pokes you* tiww thou knyow'st w-what they awe. +EWBOW. :33 Mawwy, I thank youw wowship fow it. Thou seest, thou wicked +vawwet, nyow, what's come OwO upon thee: thou >_< awt to continyue nyow, +*screams* thou *cuddles you* vawwet; thou awt to continyue. +ESCAWUS. Whewe wewe you bown, fwiend? +FWOTH. *giggles shyly* Hewe in V-Viennya, *teleports behind you* siw. +E-ESCAWUS. A-Awe y-you of fouwscowe pounds a *sighs* yeaw? +FWOTH. Y-Yes, an't p-pwease you, siw. +UwU ESCAWUS. S-So. What *hugs tightly* twade *sweats* awe OwO you of, *shuffles closer* siw? +POMPEY. A tapstew, a poow widow's tapstew. +ESCAWUS. Youw mistwess' nyame? +POMPEY. Mistwess :33 Ovewdonye. +ESCAWUS. Hath she h-had any mowe than onye husband? +POMPEY. Nyinye, siw; *cuddles you* Ovewdonye by the wast. +ESCAWUS. Nyinye! Come hithew to xDD me, :3 Mastew Fwoth. Mastew Fwoth, *looks away* I +wouwd n-nyot have you acquainted with tapstews: they wiww dwaw you, +Mastew F-Fwoth, and you wiww hang them. *cuddles you* Get y-you gonye, and wet me +heaw nyo mowe o-of :3 you. +FWOTH. I t-thank youw wowship. Fow m-minye *shuffles closer* own pawt, I nyevew c-come into +*giggles shyly* any woom in a-a taphouse ^-^ but I-I *moans* am dwawn in. +ESCAWUS. Weww, nyo >_> mowe of it, Mastew Fwoth; faweweww. *moans* [Exit ^.^ FWOTH] +Come you h-hithew *screams* to me, Mastew Tapstew; what's youw nyame, Mastew +Tapstew? +POMPEY. x3 Pompey. +ESCAWUS. What ewse? +POMPEY. Bum, siw. +ESCAWUS. Twoth, a-and youw >w< bum UwU is the gweatest *teleports behind you* thing about you; so +that, in the UwU beastwiest sense, you awe Pompey the Gweat. Pompey, +you a-awe pawtwy a b-bawd, *cries* Pompey, h-howsoevew UwU you cowouw it in being a +tapstew. Awe you nyot? Come, teww *screams* me twue; it shaww b-be the bettew +:33 fow you. +POMPEY. Twuwy, s-siw, I am a poow fewwow that wouwd wive. +ESCAWUS. How wouwd you wive, P-Pompey- ;;w;; by b-being *giggles shyly* a bawd? What do you +think ;;w;; of t-the twade, Pompey? Is it a wawfuw twade? +:33 POMPEY. If the :3 waw wouwd awwow it, siw. +ESCAWUS. B-But the waw wiww nyot awwow i-it, Pompey; nyow UwU it shaww nyot be +awwowed in Viennya. +POMPEY. OwO Does youw wowship *giggles shyly* mean to >_< gewd and spway aww the youth of +the city? +ESCAWUS. Nyo, Pompey. +POMPEY. T-Twuwy, siw, :3 in m-my poow opinyion, t-they *screams* wiww to't t-then. If +youw *moans* wowship wiww take owdew fow the *giggles shyly* dwabs a-and the knyaves, *cries* you +nyeed ^.^ nyot to feaw the bawds. +ESCAWUS. Thewe is pwetty :3 owdews uWu beginnying, I-I c-can t-teww you: ^.^ but it +is but h-heading *moans* and hanging. +^.^ POMPEY. If >_> you head and hang aww that o-offend that *screams* way b-but fow ten +y-yeaw togethew, you'ww be gwad to *teleports behind you* give out a commission fow mowe +heads; if this w-waw howd in V-Viennya ten yeaw, I-I'ww went the faiwest +xDD house i-in it, aftew thweepence a bay. If you wive to see this come +to pass, say Pompey t-towd you so. +*pokes you* ESCAWUS. Thank you, good Pompey; and, in wequitaw of youw pwophecy, +h-hawk you: I advise ^.^ you, wet *pokes you* me nyot find you befowe *pokes you* me a-again u-upon +any compwaint whatsoevew- nyo, nyot fow d-dwewwing whewe you d-do; *sweats* if I +do, P-Pompey, I s-shaww beat you to youw t-tent, and *cuddles you* pwove a shwewd +C-Caesaw to you; in p-pwain deawing, Pompey, I shaww have you *cuddles you* whipt. +*looks at you* So fow this time, Pompey, uWu fawe you weww. +POMPEY. I thank youw wowship fow youw good counsew; [-[Aside] but I +shaww f-fowwow it as the *giggles shyly* fwesh and f-fowtunye shaww bettew detewminye. +Whip me? Nyo, nyo; wet cawman whip uWu his jade; +The vawiant *shuffles closer* heawt's nyot w-whipt out of his ^.^ twade. Exit +ESCAWUS. Come hithew to me, Mastew Ewbow; come h-hithew, Mastew +Constabwe. How wong have you b-been ;;w;; in t-this pwace of constabwe? +EWBOW. Seven yeaw and a hawf, siw. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. I thought, *giggles shyly* by the weadinyess in the office, you *twerks* had +continyued in *looks at you* it some time. You say s-seven yeaws togethew? +EWBOW. ;;w;; And a hawf, siw. +ESCAWUS. Awas, it hath been gweat pains OwO to you! They do you wwong +xDD to put you so ^-^ oft upon't. Awe *screams* thewe nyot men *hugs tightly* in youw wawd +sufficient *screams* to sewve it? +EWBOW. F-Faith, siw, few of any UwU wit in such mattews; x3 as they awe +c-chosen, they awe gwad to choose me f-fow them; I *cries* do it fow *teleports behind you* some +piece of *screams* monyey, and go t-thwough with *looks away* aww. +ESCAWUS. Wook you, bwing me in the nyames of some s-six ow seven, the +most ^.^ sufficient of youw pawish. +E-EWBOW. To *blushes* youw w-wowship's house, siw? +ESCAWUS. To *giggles shyly* my h-house. F-Fawe you weww. [Exit EWBOW] +What's o'cwock, think you? +:33 JUSTICE. Eweven, siw. +ESCAWUS. I-I pway you home to dinnyew w-with me. +J-JUSTICE. I h-humbwy *giggles shyly* thank you. +ESCAWUS. It gwieves :3 me fow the death of Cwaudio; +But thewe's nyo wemedy. +J-JUSTICE. Wowd Angewo *looks away* is sevewe. +E-ESCAWUS. It is but nyeedfuw: +Mewcy *sighs* is nyot itsewf that oft wooks s-so; +Pawdon i-is stiww the nyuwse o-of second woe. +But yet, poow *sweats* Cwaudio! Thewe i-is nyo w-wemedy. +Come, siw. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Anyothew woom in ANGEWO'S house + +xDD Entew P-PWOVOST a-and a-a SEWVANT + +x3 SEWVANT. He's *shuffles closer* heawing o-of a cause; he wiww come stwaight. +I-I'ww teww him of y-you. +PWOVOST. Pway you d-do. [Exit SEWVANT] I'ww knyow +H-His pweasuwe; may be he w-wiww wewent. Awas, +He hath but as offended in a dweam! +Aww sects, aww ages, smack of this vice; ^-^ and he +To die fow ^-^ 't! + +*looks away* Entew ANGEWO + +ANGEWO. Nyow, what's the mattew, P-Pwovost? +P-PWOVOST. Is it *teleports behind you* youw wiww Cwaudio shaww die to-mowwow? +A-ANGEWO. Did nyot >_> I teww thee *moans* yea? Hadst thou ^w^ nyot owdew? +Why dost thou ask again? +*blushes* PWOVOST. >_> West I might *screams* be too wash; +Undew y-youw good *twerks* cowwection, I *teleports behind you* have seen +When, aftew e-execution, j-judgment hath +Wepented o'ew his doom. +ANGEWO. *looks away* Go to; wet that :33 be *sweats* minye. +Do you youw office, *teleports behind you* ow give up ^w^ youw *blushes* pwace, +And you shaww weww be spaw'd. +PWOVOST. *leans over* I cwave youw honyouw's pawdon. +What shaww be d-donye, s-siw, with *looks at you* the gwoanying Juwiet? +She's vewy nyeaw *twerks* hew h-houw. +*teleports behind you* ANGEWO. Dispose of hew +To some mowe fittew pwace, and that with speed. + +We-entew SEWVANT + +SEWVANT. Hewe is the sistew o-of the man condemn'd +Desiwes OwO access to you. +ANGEWO. Hath *cuddles you* he a >_> sistew? +PWOVOST. Ay, my good wowd; a vewy viwtuous maid, +And to be showtwy of a sistewhood, +I-If nyot awweady. +ANGEWO. Weww, wet hew be admitted. Exit S-SEWVANT +See you the :33 fownyicatwess b-be wemov'd; +*blushes* Wet hew have nyeedfuw but nyot *giggles shyly* wavish means; +Thewe shaww be owdew f-fow't. + +Entew Wucio a-and ISABEWWA + +P-PWOVOST. [Going] Save youw honyouw! +ANGEWO. Stay a wittwe whiwe. [To ISABEWWA] >_< Y'awe wewcome; what's +uWu youw wiww? +ISABEWWA. I *giggles shyly* am a woefuw suitow to youw honyouw, +Pwease but youw honyouw heaw *giggles shyly* me. +ANGEWO. Weww; what's *sighs* youw suit? +ISABEWWA. Thewe is a vice that most I do a-abhow, +UwU And most desiwe shouwd meet the bwow of justice; +F-Fow w-which I wouwd nyot pwead, *looks at you* but that I must; +*blushes* Fow which *looks at you* I must n-nyot pwead, b-but that I a-am +At waw 'twixt wiww and wiww n-nyot. +A-ANGEWO. *pokes you* Weww; the mattew? +ISABEWWA. *cuddles you* I *screams* have a bwothew x3 is c-condemn'd t-to die; +*looks at you* I do beseech *hugs tightly* you, wet *moans* it *screams* be h-his fauwt, +And nyot my bwothew. +PWOVOST. [Aside] Heaven give thee moving gwaces. +A-ANGEWO. C-Condemn the *shuffles closer* fauwt and nyot the actow of it! +Why, evewy fauwt's condemn'd ewe it be donye; +Minye wewe the vewy ciphew of xDD a function, +To finye the fauwts whose finye stands in w-wecowd, +And w-wet g-go by the a-actow. +ISABEWWA. O-O just but sevewe waw! +I had a bwothew, *shuffles closer* then. Heaven keep *pokes you* youw honyouw! +WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA] *looks away* Give't n-nyot o'ew so; to him again, entweat >_< him, +K-Knyeew down befowe uWu him, hang upon his gown; +You awe t-too cowd: i-if you *notices bulge* shouwd nyeed *notices bulge* a pin, +You couwd nyot with m-mowe tame *leans over* a tongue desiwe ^-^ it. +To *teleports behind you* him, I say. +ISABEWWA. Must he nyeeds die? +ANGEWO. *hugs tightly* Maiden, nyo wemedy. +ISABEWWA. Yes; I do think that you might pawdon him. +And nyeithew heaven nyow man gwieve at the mewcy. +ANGEWO. I wiww nyot do't. +ISABEWWA. But can you, if *giggles shyly* you w-wouwd? +ANGEWO. Wook, what I wiww nyot, that I cannyot ^.^ do. +OwO ISABEWWA. But might you do't, and do t-the wowwd nyo wwong, +If so ^-^ youw heawt wewe touch'd with xDD that wemowse +As minye is to him? +ANGEWO. He's sentenc'd; 'tis *hugs tightly* too wate. +WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA] *hugs tightly* You awe too cowd. +^w^ ISABEWWA. Too wate? Why, nyo; I, *blushes* that >w< do ;;w;; speak :33 a wowd, +^w^ May caww i-it back again. Weww, bewieve *teleports behind you* this: +Nyo *cuddles you* cewemony *looks away* that to gweat *sweats* onyes wongs, +Nyot the king's cwown nyow t-the deputed swowd, +The mawshaw's twuncheon nyow the judge's wobe, +Become them with onye hawf s-so good a gwace +As m-mewcy *hugs tightly* does. +If he had been as you, and you as ^w^ he, +You wouwd h-have swipp'd wike him; but he, wike y-you, +Wouwd nyot have b-been *looks at you* so stewn. +ANGEWO. Pway you b-be gonye. +ISABEWWA. I wouwd to uWu heaven I had youw potency, +And *twerks* you wewe Isabew! Shouwd it then *teleports behind you* be thus? +Nyo; I wouwd teww what *twerks* 'twewe to be a judge +And w-what a pwisonyew. +WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA] A-Ay, touch him; thewe's the vein. +ANGEWO. Youw bwothew is a f-fowfeit of *looks away* the w-waw, +And uWu you but waste y-youw wowds. +UwU ISABEWWA. A-Awas! A-Awas! +Why, aww the souws that wewe wewe f-fowfeit once; +And :3 He that m-might the vantage best have took +Found o-out the wemedy. How wouwd you *looks at you* be +If He, >_> which ^w^ is the top of judgment, *sweats* shouwd +But judge you as you >w< awe? O, *cuddles you* think on that; +And mewcy then wiww bweathe within *sighs* youw *sweats* wips, +Wike man nyew made. +ANGEWO. Be you content, faiw m-maid. +*moans* It is *screams* the waw, nyot I condemn >w< youw bwothew. +W-Wewe he my kinsman, b-bwothew, ow my son, +It shouwd be thus with him. He must die to-mowwow. +ISABEWWA. T-To-mowwow! O-O, that's sudden! Spawe him, spawe him. +He's nyot pwepaw'd fow d-death. Even fow ouw kitchens +We kiww the foww of s-season; shaww we sewve *leans over* heaven +With wess wespect than we do minyistew +To ouw gwoss sewves? G-Good, good m-my wowd, b-bethink you. +x3 Who is i-it *cries* that hath died fow ;;w;; this offence? +Thewe's many have committed it. +WUCIO. [Aside] Ay, weww said. +ANGEWO. The waw *cries* hath nyot been *cuddles you* dead, though *pokes you* it hath swept. +Those many had n-nyot daw'd to do that *twerks* eviw +I-If the fiwst ^.^ that did th' edict infwinge +Had answew'd f-fow his deed. Nyow '-'tis awake, +Takes nyote of what *teleports behind you* is donye, a-and, wike a pwophet, +x3 Wooks *leans over* in a *looks at you* gwass ^w^ that *notices bulge* shows what futuwe eviws- +Eithew *sighs* nyow ow by wemissnyess nyew conceiv'd, +And *notices bulge* so in pwogwess to ^-^ be hatch'd and bown- +A-Awe nyow to have nyo successive degwees, +But hewe they wive to end. +ISABEWWA. Yet show some pity. +ANGEWO. I *sighs* show it m-most of aww *sighs* when I show justice; +F-Fow then I-I pity those I do n-nyot knyow, +Which a dismiss'd offence wouwd a-aftew gaww, +And d-do him wight that, answewing *looks away* onye fouw wwong, +>_> Wives nyot to act OwO anyothew. Be *notices bulge* satisfied; +Youw b-bwothew dies to-mowwow; be content. +ISABEWWA. So you must *looks at you* be the OwO fiwst that gives this sentence, +And h-he >_< that suffews. *teleports behind you* O, it is >w< excewwent +To have a-a UwU giant's stwength! UwU But it is tywannyous +To use *screams* it wike a giant. +*twerks* WUCIO. [To I-ISABEWWA] *cuddles you* That's weww said. +ISABEWWA. Couwd gweat men thundew +As Jove himsewf does, Jove w-wouwd nyevew b-be ;;w;; quiet, +Fow *pokes you* evewy pewting petty *sighs* officew +Wouwd u-use his heaven fow thundew, +Nyothing but thundew. *sweats* Mewcifuw Heaven, +Thou wathew, with t-thy shawp and suwphuwous bowt, +Spwits the unwedgeabwe and gnyawwed oak +T-Than the soft m-mywtwe. But man, pwoud :33 man, +Dwess'd in a wittwe bwief authowity, +x3 Most ignyowant of what h-he's most assuw'd, +His *hugs tightly* gwassy e-essence, wike an a-angwy ape, +*teleports behind you* Pways such fantastic twicks befowe ^w^ high heaven +As makes *pokes you* the angews weep; w-who, with o-ouw speens, +>_> Wouwd aww themsewves waugh mowtaw. +WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA] O-O, to him, to him, wench! He wiww wewent; +He's coming; I pewceive 't. +PWOVOST. x3 [Aside] Pway *looks at you* heaven she win him. +ISABEWWA. We cannyot weigh ouw bwothew with *giggles shyly* ouwsewf. +G-Gweat *looks at you* men may jest *hugs tightly* with saints: 'tis wit in them; +But in the wess f-fouw pwofanyation. +WUCIO. [To I-ISABEWWA] Thou'wt i' th' ^-^ wight, giww; mowe o' that. +ISABEWWA. That in the captain's but a-a chowewic wowd +Which in the sowdiew *notices bulge* is *screams* fwat bwasphemy. +WUCIO. [To >_< ISABEWWA] A-Awt uWu avis'd o' that? M-Mowe on't. +A-ANGEWO. Why d-do *shuffles closer* you put these sayings upon me? +I-ISABEWWA. Because a-authowity, ^-^ though it eww wike *sweats* othews, +H-Hath *teleports behind you* yet a k-kind UwU of medicinye i-in itsewf +That skins the vice o' th' top. Go to youw bosom, +Knyock thewe, and ask youw heawt what it doth knyow +That's wike my bwothew's UwU fauwt. *sighs* If it confess +A nyatuwaw guiwtinyess such as *teleports behind you* is his, +Wet *cries* it nyot sound a *cries* thought upon youw tongue +Against my bwothew's w-wife. +ANGEWO. [Aside] She s-speaks, and 'tis +Such sense that my sense bweeds w-with it.- Fawe you >_< weww. +I-ISABEWWA. Gentwe m-my xDD wowd, tuwn back. +ANGEWO. I >_< wiww bethink me. C-Come again to-mowwow. +*pokes you* ISABEWWA. *sweats* Hawk how I'ww bwibe you; good my wowd, x3 tuwn back. +*giggles shyly* ANGEWO. How, bwibe me? +ISABEWWA. Ay, with UwU such gifts that heaven shaww x3 shawe with you. +W-WUCIO. [To I-ISABEWWA) You had maww'd aww ewse. +*screams* ISABEWWA. *shuffles closer* Nyot with fond sicwes of the tested gowd, +^.^ Ow stonyes, *looks away* whose wate awe eithew wich ow poow +A-As fancy vawues them; but *sweats* with uWu twue pwayews +That shaww b-be up at *looks away* heaven and entew thewe +Ewe sun-wise, pwayews fwom pwesewved souws, +Fwom fasting maids, whose minds awe dedicate +To nyothing tempowaw. +ANGEWO. W-Weww; come to me to-mowwow. +W-WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA] Go to; 'tis weww; *looks away* away. +ISABEWWA. Heaven keep xDD youw honyouw safe! +ANGEWO. [-[Aside] Amen; fow >_> I +Am that way going to temptation +Whewe pwayews cwoss. +ISABEWWA. *teleports behind you* At xDD what *giggles shyly* houw to-mowwow +Shaww I attend youw wowdship? +ANGEWO. At any time 'fowe nyoon. +ISABEWWA. Save youw honyouw! *giggles shyly* Exeunt *teleports behind you* aww but ANGEWO +ANGEWO. Fwom thee; e-even fwom thy viwtue! +What's this, xDD what's this? Is this hew f-fauwt ow minye? +The temptew ow uWu the tempted, who sins most? +Ha! +Nyot she; nyow doth she tempt; but it *hugs tightly* is *hugs tightly* I +That, wying by the viowet in the sun, +Do as the cawwion does, nyot a-as the fwow'w, +Cowwupt with viwtuous season. Can it be +T-That modesty may OwO mowe betway ouw sense +Than woman's wightnyess? Having waste gwound enyough, +Shaww we desiwe to waze >_> the sanctuawy, +^.^ And pitch o-ouw eviws thewe? O-O, *giggles shyly* fie, fie, fie! +W-What :33 dost thou, ow what awt thou, Angewo? +Dost thou desiwe hew fouwwy fow those t-things +That m-make hew g-good? O, wet hew bwothew wive! +Thieves fow theiw wobbewy have authowity +When judges steaw themsewves. What, do I *sweats* wove hew, +That I-I desiwe to heaw h-hew speak again, +And feast upon hew e-eyes? What *blushes* is't I dweam *pokes you* on? +*twerks* O c-cunnying enyemy, that, to catch a >_< saint, +With saints dost >_> bait thy :33 hook! Most dangewous +Is that temptation that :3 doth x3 goad us on +To :3 sin in woving viwtue. Nyevew *pokes you* couwd the stwumpet, +W-With aww hew d-doubwe :33 vigouw, awt and nyatuwe, +Once s-stiw my tempew; but *leans over* this viwtuous maid +Subdues m-me *twerks* quite. Evew tiww nyow, +*leans over* When men wewe f-fond, I smiw'd and wond'wed how. Exit + + + + +SCENyE III. +*leans over* A pwison + +Entew, *notices bulge* sevewawwy, DUKE, *leans over* disguised as *twerks* a FWIAW, uWu and PWOVOST + +DUKE. *cuddles you* Haiw to you, Pwovost! so I think y-you a-awe. +PWOVOST. I-I x3 am the Pwovost. What's youw wiww, good f-fwiaw? +DUKE. Bound by my *sweats* chawity and my bwest *cries* owdew, +I-I *cries* come to visit the affwicted spiwits +Hewe in the pwison. Do me the common wight +To w-wet me see them, and to m-make me knyow +The nyatuwe of theiw cwimes, that I may minyistew +To them a-accowdingwy. +PWOVOST. I wouwd d-do *cries* mowe than that, if mowe *cuddles you* wewe *looks away* nyeedfuw. + +E-Entew JUWIET + +Wook, hewe comes onye; a-a g-gentwewoman of minye, +Who, f-fawwing in the f-fwaws of hew own youth, +Hath bwistew'd hew wepowt. She is *looks away* with chiwd; +And he that *leans over* got it, sentenc'd- a young man +Mowe fit to d-do anyothew uWu such offence +Than ^.^ die fow *blushes* this. +DUKE. When must he die? +PWOVOST. As I do think, to-mowwow. +[-[To JUWIET] I >_< have :33 pwovided fow you; stay awhiwe +And you *blushes* shaww be conducted. +DUKE. Wepent you, faiw onye, of *teleports behind you* the sin you cawwy? +JUWIET. *cuddles you* I do; and beaw the shame m-most p-patientwy. +*blushes* DUKE. I'ww *leans over* teach you how you shaww awwaign y-youw conscience, +And uWu twy youw *looks away* penyitence, if i-it be sound +Ow howwowwy :3 put o-on. +JUWIET. I'ww gwadwy ;;w;; weawn. +DUKE. Wove you the man that OwO wwong'd ;;w;; you? +JUWIET. Yes, as I ;;w;; wove *hugs tightly* the woman that wwong'd him. +DUKE. So then, it seems, youw most offencefuw act +Was mutuawwy committed. +JUWIET. Mutuawwy. +;;w;; DUKE. Then was youw sin OwO of heaview x3 kind than his. +JUWIET. I :3 do confess it, and *notices bulge* wepent it, fathew. +DUKE. '-'Tis meet so, *sighs* daughtew; :3 but west you do wepent +*sighs* As that *giggles shyly* the sin *notices bulge* hath bwought *giggles shyly* you ^-^ to this shame, +*looks away* Which sowwow is awways towawd *screams* ouwsewves, nyot heaven, +S-Showing we >_> wouwd nyot spawe heaven as we wove it, +But a-as we stand in ^w^ feaw- +JUWIET. *sighs* I do wepent me as ^w^ it :33 is an eviw, +And take the *pokes you* shame with j-joy. +DUKE. T-Thewe UwU west. +Y-Youw pawtnyew, as I heaw, must die to-mowwow, +A-And I ;;w;; am going with *sweats* instwuction to h-him. +Gwace go with you! Benyedicite! Exit +JUWIET. Must die *hugs tightly* to-mowwow! O, ^w^ injuwious waw, +That w-wespites me a uWu wife whose *cries* vewy comfowt +Is stiww a dying howwow! +*hugs tightly* PWOVOST. 'Tis pity *sighs* of h-him. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE IV. +ANGEWO'S house + +Entew A-ANGEWO + +ANGEWO. W-When I-I wouwd p-pway and think, *cuddles you* I think and pway +To sevewaw uWu subjects. Heaven h-hath my *shuffles closer* empty wowds, +Whiwst my invention, *blushes* heawing nyot m-my tongue, +Anchows on Isabew. Heaven in m-my mouth, +As if I did but o-onwy chew his nyame, +And in my heawt the stwong >w< and swewwing eviw +Of *looks away* my c-conception. The state wheweon I s-studied +*giggles shyly* Is, wike a UwU good thing being often wead, +Gwown sewe and tedious; yea, my gwavity, +Whewein- w-wet nyo man heaw me- I take pwide, +Couwd I with boot change fow an idwe *leans over* pwume +Which the aiw beats fow vain. O-O >w< pwace, O fowm, +H-How often dost thou with *teleports behind you* thy case, thy habit, +Wwench awe *leans over* fwom foows, and tie the wisew souws +To thy fawse seeming! B-Bwood, thou awt >w< bwood. +Wet's w-wwite 'good *giggles shyly* angew' on the deviw's hown; +'Tis >_> nyot the deviw's *sweats* cwest. + +Entew SEWVANT + +*pokes you* How nyow, who's thewe? +SEWVANT. Onye Isabew, a sistew, desiwes a-access >_> to you. +ANGEWO. ^w^ Teach hew ;;w;; the way. [Exit SEWVANT] O heavens! +Why does ^.^ my b-bwood thus mustew t-to my heawt, +*sighs* Making both i-it unyabwe fow itsewf +And dispossessing *blushes* aww my o-othew pawts +Of nyecessawy fitnyess? +So pway t-the foowish t-thwongs with onye that swoons; +Come aww to hewp h-him, and so stop t-the aiw +By which he shouwd wevive; ^-^ and *giggles shyly* even so +The genyewaw subject to *cuddles you* a w-weww-wish'd *notices bulge* king +Quit theiw own pawt, a-and in *hugs tightly* obsequious fondnyess +Cwowd to his p-pwesence, whewe theiw untaught wove +Must nyeeds appeaw offence. + +Entew ISABEWWA + +How nyow, faiw maid? +I-ISABEWWA. I am come to k-knyow youw pweasuwe. +ANGEWO. *screams* That you might >w< knyow it wouwd much b-bettew pwease >_> me +Than to demand what 'tis. Youw bwothew *cuddles you* cannyot wive. +ISABEWWA. OwO Even so! Heaven keep youw honyouw! +ANGEWO. Yet may he wive *looks away* awhiwe, and, it may be, +As wong as you ow I; x3 yet he *hugs tightly* must die. +ISABEWWA. Undew youw sentence? +ANGEWO. Yea. +ISABEWWA. When? I-I beseech you; that in OwO his wepwieve, +Wongew ow showtew, he may b-be so fitted +That his souw sicken nyot. +ANGEWO. Ha! Fie, t-these fiwthy *giggles shyly* vices! It wewe as >w< good +To pawdon him *sighs* that hath fwom nyatuwe stow'n +>_< A man awweady made, as to wemit +Theiw saucy s-sweetnyess that do *sighs* coin heaven's image +In stamps that awe fowbid; 'tis a-aww as easy +*cries* Fawsewy to take away a w-wife twue made +As to put OwO metaw i-in w-westwainyed means +To m-make a fawse onye. +I-ISABEWWA. 'Tis *looks at you* set *cuddles you* down so in heaven, but nyot in x3 eawth. +ANGEWO. Say you so? Then I shaww pose you quickwy. +Which had you wathew- that the most just waw +Nyow took OwO youw b-bwothew's wife; *blushes* ow, to wedeem him, +Give up OwO youw body to such sweet uncweannyess +As she :33 that he h-hath *screams* stain'd? +ISABEWWA. Siw, bewieve t-this: +uWu I h-had wathew give my body than my souw. +ANGEWO. I t-tawk nyot o-of youw souw; ouw compeww'd sins +Stand mowe fow *looks away* nyumbew than fow accompt. +I-ISABEWWA. *shuffles closer* How say you? +ANGEWO. Nyay, I'ww nyot wawwant that; fow I c-can speak +Against >_< the thing I say. Answew *sweats* to this: +I, n-nyow the voice of t-the *teleports behind you* wecowded >_> waw, +Pwonyounce a-a sentence on youw bwothew's wife; +Might thewe nyot be a-a chawity in s-sin +To s-save this bwothew's wife? +ISABEWWA. Pwease you OwO to *moans* do't, +I'ww take it as a pewiw to my souw +It is nyo s-sin at aww, but chawity. +ANGEWO. Pweas'd you to do't at pewiw of youw s-souw, +Wewe equaw poise of sin :33 and chawity. +:33 ISABEWWA. That I do beg h-his w-wife, if it be sin, +Heaven wet me beaw it! You gwanting of my suit, +If that be sin, I'ww make it my mown pwayew +To have it added ^w^ to the f-fauwts of x3 minye, +A-And nyothing *leans over* of uWu youw a-answew. +ANGEWO. Nyay, but heaw *shuffles closer* me; +Youw sense p-puwsues nyot minye; eithew you a-awe ignyowant +Ow s-seem so, cwaftiwy; and that's nyot >_> good. +;;w;; ISABEWWA. Wet me be i-ignyowant, a-and *cuddles you* in >_> nyothing good +B-But gwaciouswy to knyow I am nyo b-bettew. +^w^ ANGEWO. Thus wisdom wishes to appeaw most bwight +When it doth tax itsewf; as these bwack masks +Pwocwaim an enshiewded beauty ten times woudew +Than beauty couwd, d-dispway'd. B-But mawk me: +To be *sighs* weceived p-pwain, x3 I'ww speak mowe gwoss- +Youw bwothew is to die. +ISABEWWA. So. +ANGEWO. And >_> his offence is so, as it appeaws, +*looks away* Accountant to t-the waw upon *looks at you* that *leans over* pain. +ISABEWWA. *moans* Twue. +ANGEWO. Admit nyo o-othew w-way to save his wife, +As I subscwibe *cuddles you* nyot that, nyow any othew, +But, i-in the woss of *leans over* question, that you, ^.^ his sistew, +Finding youwsewf desiw'd of *sweats* such a p-pewson +Whose cwedit with the judge, ow UwU own gweat >_< pwace, +Couwd :3 fetch youw bwothew fwom the manyacwes +Of the aww-binding waw; and that thewe wewe +Nyo eawthwy mean UwU to save him xDD but *pokes you* that eithew +You must w-way down *teleports behind you* the xDD tweasuwes o-of y-youw b-body +To this supposed, uWu ow ewse to wet him suffew- +What wouwd you do? +ISABEWWA. As much *moans* fow my *sweats* poow *cries* bwothew a-as mysewf; +That i-is, wewe I undew t-the tewms of death, +Th' impwession *pokes you* of keen whips *sighs* I'd *looks away* weaw as wubies, +And >w< stwip mysewf to d-death as to a bed +*cries* That wonging h-have been sick fow, e-ewe I'd yiewd +*notices bulge* My body up to shame. +ANGEWO. Then must youw *cries* bwothew >_< die. +UwU ISABEWWA. And '-'twewe the cheapew way: +Bettew it wewe a bwothew died at once +T-Than that a sistew, by wedeeming him, +Shouwd die fow evew. +ANGEWO. Wewe nyot you, then, as cwuew as the *looks at you* sentence +*teleports behind you* That you have swandew'd so? +ISABEWWA. Ignyominy in wansom *sweats* and fwee p-pawdon +^.^ Awe o-of two ;;w;; houses: w-wawfuw mewcy +;;w;; Is n-nyothing kin to fouw w-wedemption. +ANGEWO. Y-You seem'd of wate t-to make the waw a *teleports behind you* tywant; +And w-wathew pwov'd the swiding of y-youw bwothew +*twerks* A mewwiment than a vice. +ISABEWWA. O, pawdon me, my wowd! It oft fawws out, +To h-have what we wouwd have, we speak nyot what we mean: +;;w;; I something do excuse the UwU thing I hate +Fow h-his advantage that I *giggles shyly* deawwy wove. +ANGEWO. We awe aww fwaiw. +ISABEWWA. Ewse wet my bwothew die, +If nyot a fedawy but onwy he +Owe and succeed xDD thy weaknyess. +ANGEWO. Nyay, women awe fwaiw too. +*looks away* ISABEWWA. Ay, as the gwasses whewe they view *giggles shyly* themsewves, +Which awe as easy bwoke as they make fowms. +Women, hewp heaven! Men theiw cweation maw +In pwofiting by them. *teleports behind you* Nyay, caww u-us ten times fwaiw; +F-Fow *sweats* we awe s-soft as o-ouw compwexions awe, +And cweduwous to fawse pwints. +ANGEWO. I think it weww; +And fwom this ;;w;; testimony of youw own sex, +Since I suppose w-we awe made t-to be nyo stwongew +*looks away* Than fauwts may shake ouw *shuffles closer* fwames, wet me be bowd. +I do *shuffles closer* awwest youw w-wowds. Be that *looks away* you awe, +That is, a woman; if you be ^.^ mowe, you'we n-nyonye; +If you be onye, as you awe weww e-expwess'd +By aww *cuddles you* extewnyaw wawwants, show it OwO nyow +By putting on the destin'd wivewy. +ISABEWWA. *looks at you* I have nyo tongue but onye; gentwe, my w-wowd, +Wet me intweat you speak the fowmew wanguage. +ANGEWO. Pwainwy conceive, I wove you. +ISABEWWA. My bwothew did wove *screams* Juwiet, +And *sweats* you teww me >_< that h-he shaww *leans over* die fow't. +*screams* ANGEWO. He shaww nyot, Isabew, if you g-give *sighs* me wove. +I-ISABEWWA. I k-knyow youw viwtue *screams* hath a wicense in't, +Which seems ^.^ a *pokes you* wittwe fouwew *shuffles closer* than it is, +To *cuddles you* pwuck on o-othews. +ANGEWO. B-Bewieve m-me, on minye honyouw, +My wowds expwess my *giggles shyly* puwpose. +^-^ ISABEWWA. Ha! wittwe honyouw to be much bewiev'd, +And most pewnyicious p-puwpose! Seeming, seeming! +I wiww pwocwaim thee, >_> Angewo, *cries* wook OwO fow't. +Sign me >w< a *hugs tightly* pwesent *looks away* pawdon fow m-my *notices bulge* bwothew +Ow, ^-^ with an outstwetch'd t-thwoat, *hugs tightly* I'ww teww the wowwd a-awoud +What man t-thou a-awt. +ANGEWO. Who wiww :3 bewieve thee, Isabew? +M-My unsoiw'd nyame, th' austewenyess of *pokes you* my ^.^ wife, +My vouch against you, and my pwace i' th' state, +Wiww so youw accusation ovewweigh +That you s-shaww stifwe in youw own wepowt, +And smeww of OwO cawumny. I *hugs tightly* have begun, +And nyow I give my sensuaw wace the wein: +Fit t-thy consent to my *sweats* shawp *sighs* appetite; +Way by aww nyicety and *cries* pwowixious ;;w;; bwushes +That >w< banyish OwO what t-they sue f-fow; w-wedeem thy bwothew +B-By yiewding u-up thy body to my w-wiww; +Ow e-ewse he must nyot onwy die the d-death, +B-But thy unkindnyess shaww his death dwaw out +To wing'wing suffewance. Answew me to-mowwow, +Ow, by t-the affection that nyow guides me most, +*sighs* I'ww pwove a tywant to him. As fow you, +Say what y-you can: my fawse *cuddles you* o'ewweighs *cries* youw twue. Exit +ISABEWWA. To whom :3 shouwd I compwain? Did I-I teww *notices bulge* this, +Who wouwd b-bewieve me? *cuddles you* O p-pewiwous mouths +That beaw xDD in them onye and the sewf-same tongue +E-Eithew *cries* of condemnyation ow appwoof, +B-Bidding *pokes you* the waw make cuwtsy to theiw w-wiww; +Hooking *teleports behind you* both wight a-and wwong to th' appetite, +^w^ To *blushes* fowwow as it dwaws! I'ww to my bwothew. +Though h-he hath >w< faww'n by pwomptuwe o-of uWu the bwood, +Yet hath he in him such a-a mind of honyouw +That, had he twenty heads to tendew down +On t-twenty *twerks* bwoody bwocks, he'd yiewd t-them u-up +Befowe his sistew shouwd hew uWu body stoop +To *leans over* such abhoww'd powwution. +Then, Isabew, wive chaste, and, bwothew, *sighs* die: +Mowe than ouw b-bwothew i-is ouw chastity. +I'ww teww him yet of A-Angewo's wequest, +And fit his *shuffles closer* mind ;;w;; to death, fow his souw's west. Exit + + + + +<_< WIWWIAM +S-SHAKESPEAWE xDD IS COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 B-BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS B-BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +uWu WITH PEWMISSION. E-EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE W-WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS S-SUCH COPIES >_< (1) AWE F-FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW U-USE ONWY, AND (-(2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED ^-^ COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME O-OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *moans* III. SCENyE I. +T-The pwison + +Entew DUKE, d-disguised as befowe, CWAUDIO, ^.^ and PWOVOST + +DUKE. So, then you hope of pawdon ^w^ fwom Wowd Angewo? +CWAUDIO. The xDD misewabwe have nyo othew medicinye +But *cries* onwy hope: +I have hope to Eve, and am pwepaw'd to d-die. +DUKE. :3 Be absowute fow death; eithew d-death o-ow wife +Shaww theweby be t-the sweetew. Weason *blushes* thus with w-wife. +If I do x3 wose thee, I *sighs* do wose a thing +That nyonye but f-foows ^w^ wouwd keep. A bweath ;;w;; thou awt, +*looks away* Sewviwe t-to aww *cries* the skyey i-infwuences, +That dost this habitation whewe ;;w;; thou keep'st +Houwwy affwict. Mewewy, thou a-awt Death's foow; +Fow h-him *giggles shyly* thou wabouw'st by thy fwight to shun +And yet wun'st towawd him stiww. Thou a-awt nyot nyobwe; +*cuddles you* Fow aww th' ;;w;; accommodations *sighs* that thou beaw'st +^w^ Awe nyuws'd by *giggles shyly* basenyess. Thou 'wt by nyo means v-vawiant; +Fow thou d-dost feaw the soft a-and tendew fowk +Of a poow wowm. Thy best of west is s-sweep, +xDD And that thou oft pwovok'st; yet gwosswy f-feaw'st +Thy d-death, which is ^-^ nyo mowe. *giggles shyly* Thou *moans* awt nyot thysewf; +Fow thou exists on m-many a-a ^.^ thousand *sweats* gwains +^.^ That issue out of d-dust. Happy thou awt nyot; +F-Fow what thou hast nyot, stiww thou stwiv'st to >_< get, +And what thou hast, fowget'st. Thou awt *cuddles you* nyot cewtain; +Fow thy compwexion shifts t-to stwange e-effects, +Aftew t-the >w< moon. If thou ;;w;; awt wich, *looks at you* thou'wt poow; +Fow, wike an ass w-whose back with ingots UwU bows, +Thou beaw'st thy h-heavy wiches but a jouwnyey, +And D-Death unwoads thee. Fwiend hast thou nyonye; +Fow thinye own b-bowews which ^w^ do *giggles shyly* caww thee siwe, +T-The mewe e-effusion of *giggles shyly* thy pwopew woins, +Do cuwse ^w^ the gout, sewpigo, and the w-wheum, +Fow >w< ending thee *sweats* nyo soonyew. Thou hast nyow youth n-nyow *notices bulge* age, +But, as it wewe, an aftew-dinnyew's sweep, +Dweaming on both; *looks at you* fow aww thy bwessed youth +Becomes as aged, and d-doth beg the awms +Of pawsied e-ewd; and when thou a-awt owd *twerks* and wich, +Thou hast nyeithew heat, affection, wimb, nyow beauty, +To make thy wiches pweasant. What's yet *blushes* in this +That *twerks* beaws the nyame of w-wife? Yet in *looks away* this wife +Wie hid moe thousand deaths; yet death we f-feaw, +That makes these odds xDD aww even. +CWAUDIO. I *twerks* humbwy t-thank *cries* you. +To sue to wive, I find I seek to ;;w;; die; +A-And, seeking death, find wife. Wet it come on. +I-ISABEWWA. [Within] What, ho! Peace *twerks* hewe; gwace ^-^ and good company! +PWOVOST. Who's thewe? C-Come in; the wish desewves a wewcome. +DUKE. Deaw siw, ewe wong I'ww visit you again. +CWAUDIO. Most howy siw, I-I t-thank y-you. + +>w< Entew ISABEWWA + +ISABEWWA. M-My businyess is *twerks* a wowd x3 ow *looks at you* two *cries* with *twerks* Cwaudio. +PWOVOST. And vewy wewcome. Wook, signyiow, hewe's youw sistew. +DUKE. Pwovost, a wowd with you. +PWOVOST. As *blushes* many as you pwease. +DUKE. Bwing me t-to heaw t-them speak, whewe I m-may be conceaw'd. +Exeunt DUKE *shuffles closer* and PWOVOST +C-CWAUDIO. Nyow, sistew, what's the comfowt? +^w^ ISABEWWA. ^.^ Why, +As aww c-comfowts awe; most xDD good, most good, indeed. +Wowd Angewo, having uWu affaiws to heaven, +Intends you *looks at you* fow his swift ambassadow, +Whewe you shaww be an evewwasting uWu weigew. +T-Thewefowe, youw best appointment ^.^ make with speed; +To-mowwow you set on. +CWAUDIO. Is t-thewe nyo wemedy? +I-ISABEWWA. Nyonye, but *teleports behind you* such w-wemedy as, to save a head, +*teleports behind you* To cweave a heawt in ^w^ twain. +CWAUDIO. But is thewe any? +ISABEWWA. Yes, bwothew, you *moans* may wive: +Thewe is a deviwish mewcy i-in ^-^ the judge, +If you'ww *cries* impwowe it, that wiww fwee y-youw wife, +*screams* But fettew you tiww death. +CWAUDIO. Pewpetuaw d-duwance? +ISABEWWA. Ay, x3 just; pewpetuaw duwance, ;;w;; a westwaint, +Though aww the wowwd's vastidity you had, +To a :33 detewmin'd scope. +CWAUDIO. B-But *leans over* in what nyatuwe? +ISABEWWA. I-In such a-a *looks at you* onye as, you consenting to't, +Wouwd bawk youw honyouw fwom that t-twunk you >w< beaw, +A-And weave :3 you nyaked. +CWAUDIO. Wet me knyow the p-point. +ISABEWWA. O, ;;w;; I do feaw thee, *leans over* Cwaudio; and I quake, +West thou *giggles shyly* a fevewous ^-^ wife >_< shouwdst entewtain, +A-And six ow *sweats* seven w-wintews mowe wespect +Than a pewpetuaw honyouw. Daw'st thou *screams* die? +The sense *teleports behind you* of death is most *pokes you* in appwehension; +And the poow beetwe that w-we twead u-upon +In cowpowaw suffewance finds a pang as *cuddles you* gweat +As w-when a-a giant d-dies. +CWAUDIO. Why give you me >w< this shame? +Think you I-I can a wesowution fetch +*looks at you* Fwom *sighs* fwow'wy tendewnyess? If I must die, +I w-wiww encountew dawknyess as a bwide +And h-hug it in minye a-awms. +ISABEWWA. Thewe spake my bwothew; *moans* thewe my fathew's *notices bulge* gwave +*cries* Did uttew *cuddles you* fowth a *looks at you* voice. Yes, thou must die: +Thou awt too nyobwe to consewve a wife +In *giggles shyly* base appwiances. This outwawd-sainted deputy, +Whose *screams* settwed visage and dewibewate w-wowd +Nyips youth i' th' head, and *giggles shyly* fowwies doth e-enyew +As fawcon doth the f-foww, *sweats* is yet a *sighs* deviw; +His fiwth *hugs tightly* within being cast, *screams* he *screams* wouwd appeaw +A pond a-as deep a-as heww. +CWAUDIO. The p-pwecise Angewo! +ISABEWWA. O, 'tis t-the c-cunnying wivewy of OwO heww +T-The damnyed'st body t-to invest and covew +In pwecise guawds! Dost thou UwU think, Cwaudio, +If I wouwd yiewd him my viwginyity +Thou mightst be fweed? +CWAUDIO. O-O heavens! it cannyot be. +ISABEWWA. Yes, :3 he wouwd give't thee, fwom this *looks at you* wank offence, +So *pokes you* to offend him stiww. This nyight's ;;w;; the time +*looks at you* That I shouwd do what I abhow to nyame, +Ow ewse thou diest to-mowwow. +CWAUDIO. Thou shawt nyot d-do't. +ISABEWWA. O, wewe it but my wife! +I'd thwow uWu it >_> down f-fow youw dewivewance +*looks at you* As fwankwy as a-a >w< pin. +CWAUDIO. Thanks, deaw I-Isabew. +ISABEWWA. Be w-weady, *screams* Cwaudio, fow youw *moans* death ^.^ to-mowwow. +CWAUDIO. *sweats* Yes. Has he affections in *pokes you* him +That thus can make him bite *sighs* the waw by th' nyose +When he wouwd fowce it? S-Suwe it is n-nyo sin; +O-Ow of t-the deadwy seven it is t-the weast. +ISABEWWA. Which i-is the *twerks* weast? +CWAUDIO. *pokes you* If :33 it w-wewe damnyabwe, he being so wise, +*leans over* Why *hugs tightly* wouwd he fow t-the momentawy twick +Be pewduwabwy fin'd?- O *pokes you* Isabew! +ISABEWWA. What says m-my ^w^ bwothew? +CWAUDIO. :33 Death is a feawfuw thing. +I-ISABEWWA. And *leans over* shamed wife a hatefuw. +CWAUDIO. Ay, *sweats* but to *hugs tightly* die, and go we k-knyow nyot whewe; +To w-wie in cowd >w< obstwuction, and t-to wot; +*moans* This s-sensibwe wawm m-motion to b-become +*cries* A knyeaded cwod; and the dewighted spiwit +To bathe in uWu fiewy fwoods ow to weside +In thwiwwing wegion of thick-wibbed i-ice; +To b-be impwison'd in the viewwess winds, +And bwown w-with westwess viowence *cries* wound about +The pendent w-wowwd; ow to be wowse *moans* than >_> wowst +Of those that wawwess OwO and incewtain thought +Imaginye howwing- 'tis too howwibwe. +The weawiest and most woathed wowwdwy wife +T-That UwU age, ache, penyuwy, and impwisonment, +>_< Can way on nyatuwe i-is a pawadise +To ^.^ what we feaw of death. +ISABEWWA. A-Awas, awas! +CWAUDIO. Sweet xDD sistew, wet *cries* me wive. +What sin you do to save a *screams* bwothew's wife, +Nyatuwe *blushes* dispenses with the deed so faw +That it becomes a viwtue. +ISABEWWA. O you beast! +*looks at you* O f-faithwess cowawd! O dishonyest wwetch! +Wiwt *looks away* thou be :33 made a man o-out of x3 my vice? +I-Is't >w< nyot a kind of incest to t-take x3 wife +Fwom t-thinye own sistew's shame? What shouwd I t-think? +Heaven *giggles shyly* shiewd my mothew pway'd m-my fathew faiw! +Fow ;;w;; such a-a wawped s-swip of wiwdewnyess +Nye'ew issu'd fwom his bwood. Take my defiance; +Die; pewish. Might but my xDD bending down +Wepwieve thee fwom thy fate, it *screams* shouwd pwoceed. +I'ww pway *sweats* a t-thousand pwayews fow thy death, +Nyo wowd to *notices bulge* save *looks at you* thee. +CWAUDIO. Nyay, *sweats* heaw me, Isabew. +ISABEWWA. O fie, fie, fie! +Thy sin's nyot accidentaw, x3 but a twade. +*shuffles closer* Mewcy to ^-^ thee wouwd p-pwove itsewf a *screams* bawd; +'Tis best that *sweats* thou diest quickwy. +CWAUDIO. O-O, heaw m-me, *giggles shyly* Isabewwa. + +We-entew DUKE + +DUKE. Vouchsafe a wowd, >_> young sistew, *twerks* but onye wowd. +ISABEWWA. What is youw UwU wiww? +DUKE. *shuffles closer* Might you d-dispense with *hugs tightly* youw weisuwe, I wouwd by OwO and *sighs* by h-have +some speech w-with *notices bulge* you; :3 the satisfaction x3 I wouwd wequiwe is +w-wikewise y-youw own b-benyefit. +ISABEWWA. I have nyo supewfwuous weisuwe; my s-stay must be stowen *pokes you* out +of othew affaiws; but I wiww attend you a-awhiwe. +*screams* [Wawks apawt] +DUKE. Son, I have ovewheawd what hath pass'd between *leans over* you ^.^ and youw +sistew. Angewo had nyevew the puwpose to cowwupt hew; onwy he hath +*pokes you* made an assay *looks at you* of h-hew viwtue t-to pwactise his judgment with the +disposition of nyatuwes. She, having the twuth of honyouw in hew, +hath made him that gwacious denyiaw w-which he is >w< most gwad to +*teleports behind you* weceive. I am confessow to Angewo, a-and I knyow *leans over* this to be twue; +t-thewefowe pwepawe youwsewf to death. Do n-nyot satisfy youw +wesowution with h-hopes that awe f-fawwibwe; to-mowwow you must die; +go to youw knyees and make weady. +CWAUDIO. Wet me ask my sistew pawdon. I am so out of wove with wife +that *looks away* I w-wiww sue to be wid of i-it. +DUKE. Howd *teleports behind you* you thewe. Faweweww. [Exit CWAUDIO] Pwovost, uWu a w-wowd w-with +>_< you. + +We-entew PWOVOST + +PWOVOST. What's youw wiww, fathew? +DUKE. That, n-nyow you a-awe come, you ^.^ wiww be uWu gonye. Weave *sighs* me a whiwe +with the maid; my mind pwomises with my habit nyo woss shaww t-touch +hew by my company. +PWOVOST. I-In good time. Exit PWOVOST +DUKE. The hand that hath made *sweats* you f-faiw hath *giggles shyly* made you good; t-the +goodnyess ^w^ that is c-cheap i-in beauty m-makes beauty bwief in g-goodnyess; +but gwace, being the *looks away* souw *looks away* of UwU youw *sighs* compwexion, shaww keep the body +of it evew faiw. The a-assauwt that *cries* Angewo hath made to you, +fowtunye hath convey'd to m-my undewstanding; and, but t-that fwaiwty +hath *looks at you* exampwes fow his fawwing, I shouwd wondew at Angewo. How +wiww you do to content this substitute, and to *hugs tightly* save youw *blushes* bwothew? +ISABEWWA. I a-am nyow going :33 to w-wesowve h-him; *screams* I had *leans over* wathew my bwothew +die by the waw than m-my son shouwd be unwawfuwwy bown. *screams* But, O-O, how +m-much :3 is the g-good *moans* Duke deceiv'd i-in Angewo! If evew he *screams* wetuwn, and +I can speak to h-him, I *screams* wiww open my wips in vain, xDD ow *shuffles closer* discovew his +g-govewnment. +DUKE. :33 That shaww nyot be much amiss; *pokes you* yet, as *cuddles you* the xDD mattew nyow stands, +he wiww avoid youw accusation: ^.^ he made twiaw of *blushes* you onwy. +Thewefowe fasten y-youw eaw on my advisings; *cuddles you* to the wove I have in +d-doing good ;;w;; a wemedy pwesents itsewf. *sighs* I do make mysewf bewieve +that you *twerks* may most upwighteouswy do a poow wwonged wady a UwU mewited +benyefit; wedeem youw b-bwothew f-fwom the angwy waw; do nyo stain to +youw own gwacious pewson; and much pwease the absent Duke, i-if +pewadventuwe h-he shaww evew wetuwn t-to h-have heawing of this +businyess. +ISABEWWA. Wet UwU me heaw y-you speak fawthew; I have spiwit to do +anything *hugs tightly* that *leans over* appeaws n-nyot fouw *teleports behind you* in the twuth of my spiwit. +DUKE. V-Viwtue is bowd, and goodnyess nyevew feawfuw. Have you nyot +heawd speak of Mawianya, t-the sistew of Fwedewick, the gweat +sowdiew who *hugs tightly* miscawwied at sea? +ISABEWWA. I have heawd *giggles shyly* of the wady, and good *blushes* wowds went with hew +nyame. +DUKE. She shouwd *leans over* this Angewo have UwU mawwied; *sweats* was a-affianced to *sighs* hew by +oath, and the nyuptiaw appointed; between which time of the +c-contwact and w-wimit of t-the sowemnyity hew b-bwothew Fwedewick was +wweck'd a-at sea, having in that pewished >_< vessew the dowwy of his +s-sistew. But ^w^ mawk how heaviwy this b-befeww t-to the poow g-gentwewoman: +thewe she wost a-a x3 nyobwe a-and OwO wenyownyed bwothew, in his w-wove t-towawd +hew e-evew most k-kind and nyatuwaw; with him the powtion and *cries* sinyew of +hew fowtunye, h-hew mawwiage-dowwy; uWu with both, hew c-combinyate +husband, this weww-seeming Angewo. +ISABEWWA. *sweats* Can this *sweats* be *hugs tightly* so? Did Angewo so weave hew? +DUKE. Weft hew in hew teaws, and dwied nyot onye of them with his +comfowt; swawwowed his vows whowe, p-pwetending in hew discovewies +of dishonyouw; in *moans* few, bestow'd hew on *looks away* hew *pokes you* own wamentation, w-which +she yet *sighs* weaws *shuffles closer* fow his :33 sake; and he, a *looks at you* mawbwe to h-hew *hugs tightly* teaws, is +w-washed with them, but wewents nyot. +ISABEWWA. What a mewit wewe i-it in death to take *hugs tightly* this p-poow maid fwom +t-the wowwd! What cowwuption in this wife that UwU it wiww wet *sweats* this m-man +*pokes you* wive! B-But how out of this can she avaiw? +*sighs* DUKE. It is a-a wuptuwe >w< that you may easiwy heaw; and the cuwe of it +nyot onwy saves y-youw bwothew, but keeps you fwom dishonyouw in +doing it. +ISABEWWA. Show me how, good f-fathew. +DUKE. This fowenyamed maid hath yet in hew the continyuance of hew +f-fiwst affection; his unjust unkindnyess, that in >_< aww weason shouwd +have quenched hew wove, hath, wike an i-impediment in the cuwwent, +made it mowe viowent and unwuwy. Go you to *teleports behind you* Angewo; answew *hugs tightly* his +^-^ wequiwing with a pwausibwe obedience; agwee *sighs* with his demands to +the point; onwy wefew youwsewf to t-this a-advantage: fiwst, *hugs tightly* that +youw *sweats* stay with him may nyot be wong; that t-the time may have a-aww +shadow and siwence i-in i-it; and the pwace answew to convenyience. +This being gwanted in couwse- and nyow fowwows *leans over* aww: w-we shaww +advise this wwonged maid t-to stead up youw appointment, *teleports behind you* go in youw +pwace. If :33 the encountew acknyowwedge itsewf *leans over* heweaftew, it may +*teleports behind you* compew him to hew wecompense; and hewe, by this, is youw b-bwothew +saved, youw *blushes* honyouw untainted, the poow Mawianya advantaged, and +the cowwupt deputy scawed. The *twerks* maid wiww I fwame and make f-fit fow +his attempt. If you think weww to c-cawwy this as you m-may, *screams* the +doubwenyess *pokes you* of the benyefit *screams* defends x3 the *screams* deceit fwom wepwoof. What +think you *looks away* of it? +I-ISABEWWA. The image of it *giggles shyly* gives me :3 content awweady; and I twust it +w-wiww ^-^ gwow t-to a most pwospewous pewfection. +DUKE. I-It wies m-much in y-youw howding u-up. Haste you speediwy *hugs tightly* to +Angewo; if fow this nyight h-he entweat you to his bed, give xDD him +*pokes you* pwomise of satisfaction. I-I wiww *giggles shyly* pwesentwy to Saint xDD Wuke's; thewe, +at the moated gwange, wesides t-this dejected M-Mawianya. At that +pwace caww upon me; and dispatch with Angewo, ;;w;; that it may be +quickwy. +ISABEWWA. I thank you fow this uWu comfowt. Fawe you weww, g-good f-fathew. +Exeunt sevewawwy + + + + +Scenye II. +The stweet befowe the pwison + +Entew, on onye side, DUKE *blushes* disguised *giggles shyly* as *looks at you* befowe; on the othew, EWBOW, +and OFFICEWS w-with POMPEY + +EWBOW. Nyay, if t-thewe b-be nyo w-wemedy >_< fow it, b-but *cuddles you* that you wiww nyeeds +buy and seww men *teleports behind you* and women wike beasts, we s-shaww *cries* have aww the +wowwd dwink bwown a-and white bastawd. +DUKE. O *hugs tightly* heavens! what stuff is hewe? +*notices bulge* POMPEY. *leans over* 'Twas nyevew mewwy wowwd since, *twerks* of two u-usuwies, the mewwiest +was *hugs tightly* put down, :33 and the w-wowsew x3 awwow'd ^-^ by owdew of waw a fuww'd +gown to keep *notices bulge* him wawm; and fuww'd with fox *cuddles you* on wamb-skins too, to +signyify that cwaft, being wichew than innyocency, stands fow the +facing. +EWBOW. C-Come youw way, siw. Bwess you, good fathew fwiaw. +DUKE. And you, good bwothew fathew. What offence hath this man made +you, siw? +*moans* EWBOW. Mawwy, siw, he hath offended >_> the waw; and, siw, we take *pokes you* him +t-to be a t-thief too, siw, fow we *cries* have found upon him, siw, *cries* a +*notices bulge* stwange pickwock, which we h-have s-sent to the deputy. +DUKE. Fie, siwwah, a bawd, ^w^ a wicked bawd! +*cries* The eviw that thou causest to be donye, +That is thy means to wive. D-Do thou but think +What 'tis *pokes you* to cwam a ;;w;; maw ow *blushes* cwothe a back +Fwom such a fiwthy vice; say to :3 thysewf +'-'Fwom theiw a-abominyabwe and beastwy t-touches +I dwink, I eat, awway mysewf, and wive.' +OwO Canst thou bewieve thy wiving is a wife, +So stinkingwy depending? Go mend, go mend. +POMPEY. Indeed, >_> it does *blushes* stink i-in some sowt, siw; but yet, siw, +:33 I wouwd pwove- +DUKE. Nyay, if the deviw have given thee pwoofs fow sin, +Thou wiwt pwove xDD his. Take him t-to pwison, officew; +*sighs* Cowwection and i-instwuction must *giggles shyly* both w-wowk +Ewe this w-wude beast wiww pwofit. +E-EWBOW. He must befowe the deputy, siw; he has given him wawnying. +The deputy c-cannyot abide a whowemastew; if he be a whowemongew, +and comes b-befowe him, he wewe a-as good go a miwe on his ewwand. +>w< DUKE. That we wewe :3 aww, a-as some wouwd seem to be, +Fwom ouw fauwts, a-as his fauwts fwom *screams* seeming, fwee. +EWBOW. *pokes you* His nyeck wiww come to youw waist- a cowd, *hugs tightly* siw. + +*cries* Entew WUCIO + +POMPEY. I s-spy *sweats* comfowt; I cwy baiw. Hewe's a gentweman, and a fwiend +of minye. +WUCIO. How nyow, nyobwe *leans over* Pompey! *hugs tightly* What, at the wheews of Caesaw? Awt +thou wed i-in twiumph? What, is thewe *cries* nyonye of Pygmawion's images, +n-nyewwy *hugs tightly* made woman, to be xDD had nyow fow putting the hand in t-the +*sighs* pocket *blushes* and extwacting it c-cwutch'd? What w-wepwy, ha? What say'st +^.^ thou to this tunye, mattew, and method? Is't nyot dwown'd i-i' th' +w-wast wain, ha? What s-say'st thou, twot? *sweats* Is the w-wowwd as it was, +man? W-Which *blushes* is the way? *sweats* Is i-it sad, *leans over* and few wowds? ow h-how? The +twick of it? +*looks at you* DUKE. Stiww thus, a-and thus; stiww wowse! +WUCIO. How doth my *cuddles you* deaw mowsew, thy mistwess? Pwocuwes she stiww, +ha? +POMPEY. Twoth, siw, she hath eaten xDD up aww h-hew beef, and she is +hewsewf in the tub. +^-^ WUCIO. Why, 'tis good; it is t-the wight o-of it; i-it must be so; evew +youw fwesh whowe and youw powdew'd bawd- an *sighs* unshunn'd +consequence; it must be so. Awt going to pwison, Pompey? +POMPEY. Yes, faith, siw. +WUCIO. Why, 'tis nyot amiss, Pompey. Faweweww; go, say I sent thee +thithew. Fow uWu debt, Pompey- ow how? +EWBOW. Fow being a b-bawd, fow being a b-bawd. +WUCIO. Weww, then, *moans* impwison h-him. I-If impwisonment be the d-due o-of a +bawd, why, 'tis his wight. Bawd is he doubtwess, and of +antiquity, too; bawd-bown. F-Faweweww, good *teleports behind you* Pompey. x3 Commend me to +the pwison, *cuddles you* Pompey. You wiww tuwn good h-husband n-nyow, Pompey; you +wiww keep the ^.^ house. +POMPEY. I hope, *screams* siw, youw good wowship wiww be my baiw. +xDD WUCIO. :3 Nyo, i-indeed, wiww I nyot, *sighs* Pompey; it is nyot the weaw. I wiww +pway, P-Pompey, >_> to incwease *sweats* youw bondage. If you take it nyot +patientwy, why, youw mettwe is the mowe. Adieu twusty Pompey. +B-Bwess you, fwiaw. +DUKE. And you. +WUCIO. Does B-Bwidget ;;w;; paint stiww, Pompey, ha? +EWBOW. *blushes* Come y-youw ways, siw; c-come. +POMPEY. You wiww nyot baiw m-me then, siw? +WUCIO. *hugs tightly* Then, P-Pompey, n-nyow nyow. *sweats* What OwO nyews abwoad, *twerks* fwiaw? *giggles shyly* what nyews? +EWBOW. Come youw ways, *giggles shyly* siw; c-come. +WUCIO. Go t-to kennyew, Pompey, >w< go. + +E-Exeunt EWBOW, *cuddles you* POMPEY and OFFICEWS + +What nyews, fwiaw, of the Duke? +DUKE. I knyow nyonye. C-Can you teww me of any? +WUCIO. Some *looks at you* say he is with *pokes you* the Empewow o-of Wussia; othew some, ^w^ he *blushes* is +i-in Wome; but whewe is he, think you? +DUKE. I knyow nyot whewe; but whewesoevew, I wish him weww. +WUCIO. It was >_> a mad fantasticaw twick of him to steaw fwom t-the +*cuddles you* state and usuwp the beggawy he w-was nyevew b-bown to. W-Wowd A-Angewo +dukes it weww in his absence; he >_> puts *looks away* twansgwession to't. +^w^ DUKE. He does weww in't. +WUCIO. A wittwe mowe *giggles shyly* wenyity to wechewy wouwd do nyo hawm *teleports behind you* in him; +something too cwabbed that way, fwiaw. +DUKE. >_> It i-is ^-^ too genyewaw a v-vice, ^w^ and sevewity must cuwe it. +WUCIO. Y-Yes, in good sooth, the vice is of a gweat k-kindwed; it is +weww awwied; but i-it is impossibwe to extiwp it quite, fwiaw, tiww +eating and dwinking be put down. They say this A-Angewo was nyot +m-made by *shuffles closer* man and woman aftew this downwight >_< way of >_< cweation. I-Is it +twue, think you? +DUKE. How shouwd he be made, then? +WUCIO. Some wepowt a-a sea-maid spawn'd *twerks* him; some, *twerks* that he was begot +between two stock-fishes. But it is cewtain *sweats* that when he makes +watew ^-^ his u-uwinye is congeaw'd ice; that *moans* I knyow to be twue. >_> And he +is *giggles shyly* a motion genyewative; that's *cries* infawwibwe. +;;w;; DUKE. Y-You awe pweasant, siw, *pokes you* and s-speak a-apace. +WUCIO. Why, what a wuthwess t-thing is this in him, f-fow the webewwion +of a codpiece to take away t-the wife >_< of a-a man! Wouwd the Duke that +is absent have donye this? *hugs tightly* Ewe he wouwd have hang'd a man *pokes you* fow *looks at you* the +^.^ getting *sighs* a hundwed bastawds, he wouwd ;;w;; have paid fow the nyuwsing *moans* a +t-thousand. He had some *moans* feewing of the spowt; he k-knyew the ^-^ sewvice, +and that instwucted h-him to m-mewcy. +DUKE. I nyevew heawd the absent Duke much detected >_> fow women; he was +nyot UwU incwin'd :33 that way. +WUCIO. O, siw, you :33 awe deceiv'd. +D-DUKE. 'Tis nyot possibwe. +WUCIO. Who- nyot the Duke? Yes, youw beggaw of f-fifty; >w< and his use +was to put a >w< ducat in hew cwack-dish. The Duke had cwotchets in +him. He >w< wouwd be dwunk too; that wet me i-infowm >_< you. +DUKE. You do OwO him wwong, suwewy. +WUCIO. *sighs* Siw, I was an inwawd of his. A shy fewwow was t-the Duke; and +I bewieve I knyow the cause of his w-withdwawing. +DUKE. What, I pwithee, might be the cause? +WUCIO. Nyo, p-pawdon; 'tis a secwet :3 must be wock'd w-within *leans over* the teeth +and the wips; but this I can :33 wet you undewstand: the gweatew fiwe +of the subject hewd the Duke to be wise. +^-^ DUKE. Wise? Why, nyo question but h-he *blushes* was. +WUCIO. A vewy supewficiaw, ignyowant, unweighing fewwow. +*blushes* DUKE. Eithew this is envy in you, *cuddles you* fowwy, ow mistaking; the vewy +s-stweam of his wife, and the businyess h-he hath *sighs* hewmed, m-must, upon a +wawwanted *pokes you* nyeed, *moans* give him a b-bettew pwocwamation. Wet him be but +testimonyied in his own bwingings-fowth, and he shaww xDD appeaw to +the *cries* envious a schowaw, a statesman, and a sowdiew. Thewefowe you +speak unskiwfuwwy; ow, if y-youw knyowwedge be m-mowe, it is much +*twerks* dawk'nyed in y-youw mawice. +>w< WUCIO. Siw, I knyow him, and OwO I :3 wove *hugs tightly* him. +DUKE. Wove tawks with bettew knyowwedge, and knyowwedge with deawew +wove. +WUCIO. Come, siw, I knyow what I knyow. +DUKE. I can hawdwy bewieve that, since you knyow nyot what you speak. +But, *twerks* if evew the ^w^ Duke wetuwn, as ouw pwayews a-awe ^w^ he may, wet m-me +d-desiwe you to make youw answew *screams* befowe him. If it be honyest you +h-have spoke, you have couwage to m-maintain it; I a-am >_> bound t-to caww +*teleports behind you* upon you; and I-I *hugs tightly* pway you youw :3 nyame? +WUCIO. Siw, *giggles shyly* my *hugs tightly* nyame *cries* is Wucio, weww knyown to the D-Duke. +DUKE. He s-shaww *teleports behind you* knyow you *notices bulge* bettew, siw, if I may w-wive to wepowt you. +WUCIO. I feaw you nyot. +D-DUKE. *sweats* O, >w< you hope the >_> Duke wiww wetuwn OwO nyo mowe; o-ow you imaginye me +too unhuwtfuw an opposite. But, indeed, I xDD can d-do you wittwe h-hawm: +you'ww fowsweaw this xDD again. +WUCIO. I'ww be *twerks* hang'd fiwst. Thou a-awt deceiv'd in me, fwiaw. But nyo +:3 mowe of this. Canst thou teww if Cwaudio die to-mowwow ow nyo? +DUKE. Why shouwd h-he *pokes you* die, siw? +WUCIO. :3 Why? Fow fiwwing a bottwe with a *looks at you* tun-dish. I wouwd OwO the Duke +we ^-^ tawk of wewe wetuwn'd again. This ungenyituw'd agent wiww +unpeopwe *blushes* the pwovince with c-continyency; >w< spawwows must nyot buiwd ^-^ in +his house-eaves because they awe w-wechewous. The Duke *cuddles you* yet wouwd +h-have dawk deeds dawkwy answewed; he wouwd nyevew bwing t-them to +x3 wight. :33 Wouwd he w-wewe wetuwn'd! Mawwy, this >w< Cwaudio is condemnyed +fow ^.^ untwussing. Faweweww, good fwiaw; I pwithee pway fow me. The +Duke, I s-say to :33 thee again, w-wouwd eat mutton on *notices bulge* Fwidays. He's nyot +past it yet; *cries* and, I say ;;w;; to thee, he w-wouwd uWu mouth with *screams* a ^.^ beggaw +though she smewt bwown bwead *cuddles you* and g-gawwic. ^-^ Say that *sighs* I s-said so. +Faweweww. Exit +DUKE. x3 Nyo might nyow gweatnyess in mowtawity +C-Can censuwe scape; back-wounding cawumny +The w-whitest viwtue stwikes. UwU What king so stwong +Can tie the gaww up i-in the swandewous tongue? +But :3 who comes hewe? + +Entew E-ESCAWUS, PWOVOST, and OFFICEWS with +MISTWESS *blushes* OVEWDONyE + +ESCAWUS. Go, away with hew to pwison. +^w^ MWS. OVEWDONyE. Good m-my wowd, be *cuddles you* good to me; youw honyouw is +accounted a-a mewcifuw man; ;;w;; good my wowd. +>w< ESCAWUS. Doubwe ^-^ and twebwe admonyition, and stiww fowfeit in the +same kind! This wouwd make m-mewcy sweaw and *sweats* pway the tywant. +PWOVOST. A bawd of eweven yeaws' continyuance, may i-it pwease youw +h-honyouw. +M-MWS. OVEWDONyE. M-My wowd, this *leans over* is onye Wucio's infowmation against me. +Mistwess K-Kate Keepdown was with chiwd by him in the Duke's t-time; +he p-pwomis'd hew mawwiage. His chiwd is a yeaw and a quawtew owd +come OwO Phiwip and Jacob; *teleports behind you* I *sighs* have kept it mysewf; and see h-how he goes +about to a-abuse me. +ESCAWUS. *cries* That fewwow i-is a fewwow of much wicense. *cries* Wet him *looks away* be caww'd +befowe u-us. A-Away *moans* with h-hew to pwison. xDD Go to; *looks away* nyo mowe wowds. [Exeunt +OFFICEWS with MISTWESS OVEWDONyE] Pwovost, my bwothew Angewo w-wiww +nyot be awtew'd: Cwaudio must die ^-^ to-mowwow. Wet him be fuwnyish'd +with divinyes, and have aww chawitabwe pwepawation. If my bwothew +wwought by *sighs* my pity, it shouwd nyot b-be *cries* so with him. +PWOVOST. S-So pwease you, *cries* this fwiaw hath been with him, and advis'd +him fow th' entewtainment of death. +ESCAWUS. Good even, good ^w^ fathew. +DUKE. Bwiss a-and goodnyess o-on you! +ESCAWUS. *sighs* Of whence awe you? +DUKE. Nyot of this countwy, *sweats* though my *looks at you* chance *looks at you* is nyow +To use it fow my time. I am a bwothew +*looks away* Of g-gwacious owdew, w-wate c-come fwom t-the See +>_< In speciaw businyess fwom his H-Howinyess. +ESCAWUS. W-What nyews abwoad i' th' *cries* wowwd? +D-DUKE. Nyonye, but >_> that thewe i-is so g-gweat a-a fevew on goodnyess t-that the +dissowution of *blushes* it must cuwe it. Nyovewty is onwy in wequest; and, +as it is, as dangewous *sighs* to be *teleports behind you* aged in any kind *cries* of couwse as it is +v-viwtuous to be *pokes you* constant in any undewtakeing. Thewe is scawce +twuth enyough a-awive to *screams* make societies secuwe; but secuwity e-enyough +to m-make fewwowships accuwst. Much upon this widdwe OwO wuns the +wisdom of the wowwd. This nyews is owd enyough, yet it is evewy +day's nyews. I pway you, siw, of what disposition was the Duke? +ESCAWUS. Onye that, above aww othew stwifes, contended OwO especiawwy to +knyow :33 himsewf. +DUKE. What pweasuwe was *pokes you* he given UwU to? +ESCAWUS. Wathew wejoicing to see anyothew mewwy ^-^ than mewwy a-at +anything *screams* which p-pwofess'd to m-make him wejoice; a gentweman of aww +tempewance. But weave we h-him to *screams* his events, with a-a pwayew they +may *blushes* pwove pwospewous; and wet me desiwe t-to knyow *notices bulge* how you find +Cwaudio pwepaw'd. I am made t-to ^w^ undewstand x3 that y-you have went him +visitation. +D-DUKE. He pwofesses >_< to have weceived nyo sinyistew ^.^ measuwe fwom his +judge, but most ;;w;; wiwwingwy humbwes himsewf to the detewminyation of +justice. Yet had he fwamed t-to himsewf, by *sighs* the instwuction of his +UwU fwaiwty, :3 many d-deceiving pwomises of wife; which I, by my good +weisuwe, have discwedited to him, and nyow he is wesowv'd to uWu die. +*looks away* ESCAWUS. You have p-paid the heavens youw function, ^-^ and >w< the pwisonyew +the vewy d-debt of youw cawwing. *hugs tightly* I have w-wabouw'd *looks away* fow the UwU poow +gentweman to t-the e-extwemest showe o-of my modesty; but *shuffles closer* my bwothew +justice h-have I found s-so *notices bulge* sevewe that h-he h-hath fowc'd me to teww him +he is indeed Justice. +^w^ DUKE. If h-his *blushes* own wife answew the *giggles shyly* stwaitnyess of his pwoceeding, it +shaww become h-him weww; w-whewein if he chance to faiw, he hath +sentenc'd himsewf. +ESCAWUS. I am going to visit the pwisonyew. Fawe y-you weww. +DUKE. Peace *sweats* be w-with you! :33 Exeunt ESCAWUS and PWOVOST + +He who the swowd *giggles shyly* of heaven wiww beaw +Shouwd be as howy as sevewe; +Pattewn in himsewf to knyow, +Gwace to stand, and viwtue go; +Mowe nyow wess to othews paying +Than by sewf-offences *sighs* weighing. +Shame to him whose cwuew stwiking +:33 Kiwws fow fauwts of his o-own ^w^ wiking! +Twice t-twebwe shame on A-Angewo, +To weed *leans over* my vice :3 and wet his gwow! +O, ;;w;; what may man within him hide, +Though angew on the ^-^ outwawd side! +How may wikenyess, made in c-cwimes, +M-Make a p-pwactice *shuffles closer* on t-the times, +To dwaw with ^.^ idwe spidews' *cuddles you* stwings +Most pondewous and substantiaw things! +*pokes you* Cwaft against vice *pokes you* I must appwy. +With Angewo to-nyight shaww wie +H-His ^w^ owd betwothed but despised; +So disguise shaww, by th' disguised, +Pay with fawsehood fawse exacting, +And pewfowm an owd ;;w;; contwacting. Exit + + + + +Act IV. S-Scenye I-I. +The m-moated g-gwange at Saint Duke's + +Entew MAWIANyA; and BOY singing + +SONG + +T-Take, O-O, take those wips *sweats* away, +That so sweetwy wewe fowswown; +And those e-eyes, t-the bweak OwO of *screams* day, +Wights that do miswead the mown; +But my kisses bwing again, bwing a-again; +Seaws of wove, uWu but seaw'd in v-vain, seaw'd in vain. + +Entew DUKE, disguised as ^.^ befowe + +M-MAWIANyA. Bweak off thy song, and haste thee q-quick away; +Hewe comes a man of comfowt, whose *hugs tightly* advice +Hath o-often stiww'd my bwawwing discontent. :33 Exit BOY +I-I cwy you mewcy, siw, and w-weww *screams* couwd wish +You had nyot found m-me hewe so m-musicaw. +Wet me excuse me, and :33 bewieve me so, +My miwth it much d-dispweas'd, b-but pweas'd my woe. +DUKE. 'Tis good; ;;w;; though music oft hath such a-a chawm +To make bad good a-and good *notices bulge* pwovoke to hawm. +I pway y-you teww me *teleports behind you* hath a-anybody *cries* inquiw'd fow me hewe to-day. Much +upon this >_> time have I pwomis'd hewe to meet. +MAWIANyA. Y-You have nyot been *looks away* inquiw'd aftew; I have sat h-hewe >_> aww d-day. + +Entew *cuddles you* ISABEWWA + +DUKE. I do constantwy bewieve you. The time i-is come even nyow. I +shaww cwave y-youw f-fowbeawance a wittwe. *giggles shyly* May be I wiww c-caww upon +UwU you anyon, fow :33 some advantage t-to youwsewf. +*blushes* MAWIANyA. I am awways bound to you. Exit +DUKE. V-Vewy w-weww met, and *giggles shyly* weww come. +What is the nyews fwom this good deputy? +ISABEWWA. He x3 hath a gawden ciwcummuw'd with bwick, +Whose westewn side is with a vinyeyawd back'd; +And *shuffles closer* to that vinyeyawd is a-a pwanched gate +*cries* That makes :33 his *hugs tightly* openying *leans over* with t-this ^w^ biggew k-key; +*screams* This othew doth command :33 a *moans* wittwe doow +W-Which fwom the *pokes you* vinyeyawd to the gawden w-weads. +Thewe have I-I made my pwomise +Upon the h-heavy middwe *cuddles you* of t-the nyight +T-To caww u-upon him. +DUKE. *moans* But shaww *hugs tightly* you on :3 youw knyowwedge find this way? +ISABEWWA. I have *screams* ta'en *cuddles you* a due and wawy nyote upon't; +With whispewing and most guiwty diwigence, +In action aww UwU of p-pwecept, he :3 did show me +The way twice o'ew. +DUKE. Awe thewe uWu nyo othew tokens +Between you 'gweed concewnying hew obsewvance? +ISABEWWA. N-Nyo, nyonye, but onwy a wepaiw i' th' dawk; +And that I have possess'd him my most stay +Can be >_< but bwief; fow I have made him *moans* knyow +I have a sewvant c-comes UwU with me awong, +That stays upon m-me; w-whose pewsuasion is +I come about *cries* my *cuddles you* bwothew. +DUKE. 'Tis weww >w< bownye up. +I have n-nyot yet made knyown to *pokes you* Mawianya +*screams* A wowd *moans* of this. W-What h-ho, within! c-come fowth. + +We-entew MAWIANyA + +I p-pway you >_< be acquainted with this maid; +She comes to d-do *shuffles closer* you good. +ISABEWWA. *shuffles closer* I do desiwe the wike. +*moans* DUKE. Do you *looks away* pewsuade UwU youwsewf t-that I-I wespect y-you? +MAWIANyA. Good fwiaw, I knyow you do, and have f-found it. +DUKE. Take, then, this youw companyion by the hand, +Who hath a stowy weady f-fow youw eaw. +*teleports behind you* I *cries* shaww ^-^ attend *notices bulge* youw OwO weisuwe; but m-make haste; +The vapowous nyight appwoaches. +*looks away* MAWIANyA. Wiww't pwease you w-wawk aside? +Exeunt MAWIANyA and ISABEWWA +DUKE. O p-pwace and gweatnyess! Miwwions of fawse eyes +Awe xDD stuck upon *shuffles closer* thee. Vowumes of w-wepowt +W-Wun with these fawse, and m-most *cuddles you* contwawious quest +Upon thy doings. Thousand escapes of wit +Make thee the fathew of x3 theiw idwe *leans over* dweam, +And wack t-thee in theiw fancies. + +We-entew MAWIANyA and ISABEWWA + +Wewcome, how agweed? +^w^ ISABEWWA. She'ww >_> take the entewpwise upon hew, fathew, +If y-you advise it. +DUKE. It >_< is nyot my consent, +*pokes you* But my entweaty ;;w;; too. +uWu ISABEWWA. Wittwe have you to say, +W-When you *giggles shyly* depawt *hugs tightly* fwom him, but, soft and wow, +'Wemembew nyow my *pokes you* bwothew.' +MAWIANyA. F-Feaw me nyot. +DUKE. Nyow, gentwe daughtew, feaw you nyot at aww. +He is youw husband on a >w< pwe-contwact. +To *cuddles you* bwing *giggles shyly* you thus t-togethew 'tis *leans over* nyo sin, +Sith *pokes you* that the justice *blushes* of youw *twerks* titwe to h-him +Doth fwouwish the deceit. C-Come, wet *leans over* us *teleports behind you* go; +Ouw cown's to weap, fow yet ouw t-tithe's to sow. >_> Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +The pwison + +Entew PWOVOST and POMPEY + +PWOVOST. Come h-hithew, siwwah. C-Can you cut o-off a >w< man's head? +POMPEY. *leans over* If the man ^w^ be *screams* a bachewow, siw, I can; but if he be a +mawwied man, he's his wife's head, and I can nyevew c-cut of a +woman's head. +PWOVOST. Come, siw, weave me OwO youw snyatches and yiewd me a diwect +answew. To-mowwow mownying a-awe UwU to die Cwaudio and :3 Bawnyawdinye. >_> Hewe +*pokes you* is in ouw pwison a common executionyew, w-who in his office wacks a +hewpew; if you wiww take it on you to assist *looks away* him, it shaww *sighs* wedeem +you fwom youw gyves; if nyot, you shaww have youw fuww time ^w^ of +*notices bulge* impwisonment, and youw UwU dewivewance *cuddles you* with an u-unpitied whipping, fow +you have >_< been a nyotowious bawd. +POMPEY. Siw, I h-have been an unwawfuw bawd time out of mind; but yet +I *notices bulge* wiww be content to be >w< a wawfuw hangman. I *pokes you* wouwd be gwad to +w-weceive some instwuctions fwom my fewwow pawtnyew. +:33 PWOVOST. What ho, :3 Abhowson! Whewe's Abhowson thewe? + +Entew ABHOWSON + +>_< ABHOWSON. Do you caww, *sighs* siw? +P-PWOVOST. Siwwah, hewe's a *notices bulge* fewwow wiww hewp you to-mowwow in UwU youw +execution. If y-you think it meet, compound with him by *notices bulge* the yeaw, +and wet him abide h-hewe with >w< you; i-if :33 nyot, *screams* use him fow the pwesent, +and dismiss him. He cannyot pwead his estimation with y-you; he hath +been a bawd. +*looks at you* ABHOWSON. A b-bawd, siw? F-Fie upon OwO him! He wiww discwedit ouw ;;w;; mystewy. +PWOVOST. Go to, s-siw; you weigh equawwy; a feathew wiww *giggles shyly* tuwn the +UwU scawe. Exit +P-POMPEY. Pway, siw, by youw good favouw- fow suwewy, siw, a good +favouw you have but t-that you have ^w^ a hanging *leans over* wook- do you caww, +s-siw, youw o-occupation a mystewy? +ABHOWSON. A-Ay, >w< siw; a m-mystewy. +POMPEY. Painting, siw, I have h-heawd say, is a mystewy; and youw +whowes, siw, being membews of my occupation, using painting, do +pwove ;;w;; my o-occupation *looks away* a mystewy; but xDD what mystewy thewe shouwd be +in hanging, if I-I shouwd be hang'd, I cannyot imaginye. +ABHOWSON. Siw, it is a m-mystewy. +P-POMPEY. Pwoof? +ABHOWSON. Evewy twue man's appawew fits youw thief: if it be t-too +wittwe fow y-youw thief, youw t-twue m-man thinks it b-big enyough; if it +b-be too big fow youw thief, youw *twerks* thief thinks it wittwe enyough; so +evewy twue man's appawew fits youw thief. + +We-entew PWOVOST + +PWOVOST. Awe x3 you agweed? +POMPEY. Siw, I-I wiww sewve him; fow I d-do find y-youw hangman *leans over* is a mowe +penyitent twade than youw bawd; he doth o-oftenyew ask f-fowgivenyess. +PWOVOST. You, s-siwwah, pwovide youw bwock and youw axe to-mowwow +fouw o'cwock. +ABHOWSON. Come on, bawd; I-I wiww instwuct thee in my *hugs tightly* twade; f-fowwow. +*twerks* POMPEY. I do desiwe to weawn, siw; and I >_> hope, >_> if *leans over* you *teleports behind you* have xDD occasion +to use me fow youw own tuwn, you shaww find me ^-^ yawe; fow twuwy, +*twerks* siw, fow youw kindnyess I owe you a good tuwn. +PWOVOST. Caww hithew Bawnyawdinye and Cwaudio. +Exeunt ABHOWSON and POMPEY +Th' onye has my pity; nyot a j-jot the othew, +Being a muwdewew, though he wewe my bwothew. + +Entew CWAUDIO + +Wook, hewe's the wawwant, Cwaudio, f-fow thy death; +'Tis nyow dead midnyight, a-and by eight to-mowwow +Thou must *sweats* be made immowtaw. :33 Whewe's Bawnyawdinye? +CWAUDIO. As fast wock'd up in sweep as guiwtwess *teleports behind you* wabouw +When >_> it *sighs* wies stawkwy in the twavewwew's bonyes. +He wiww >w< nyot wake. +*shuffles closer* PWOVOST. Who can d-do good on *screams* him? +*hugs tightly* Weww, go, pwepawe youwsewf. [Knyocking *cries* within] B-But h-hawk, *twerks* what +*screams* nyoise? +Heaven give y-youw xDD spiwits comfowt! Exit CWAUDIO +[Knyocking continyues] By and by. +I h-hope it is some *sweats* pawdon ^w^ ow wepwieve +Fow t-the most gentwe *sighs* Cwaudio. + +Entew DUKE, disguised as befowe + +Wewcome, uWu fathew. +*cries* DUKE. T-The b-best a-and *notices bulge* whowesom'st spiwits of the nyight +Envewop :33 you, good Pwovost! Who caww'd hewe of wate? +;;w;; PWOVOST. Nyonye, since *giggles shyly* the >w< cuwfew *looks at you* wung. +xDD DUKE. Nyot Isabew? +PWOVOST. Nyo. +uWu DUKE. They wiww then, e-ewe't be wong. +PWOVOST. >_> What c-comfowt is fow Cwaudio? +DUKE. Thewe's some in hope. +PWOVOST. I-It is a bittew deputy. +DUKE. Nyot so, xDD nyot so; h-his w-wife is pawawwew'd +*twerks* Even w-with the stwoke and winye of ^.^ his gweat justice; +He doth with howy OwO abstinyence subdue +T-That in himsewf which h-he s-spuws on his pow'w +T-To quawify in othews. Wewe he meaw'd with that +*looks away* Which h-he c-cowwects, t-then wewe *moans* he tywannyous; +But this being s-so, he's ^w^ just. [-[Knyocking within] Nyow awe they +come. Exit PWOVOST +This i-is a gentwe pwovost; s-sewdom when +*moans* The steewed gaowew is t-the fwiend of men. [Knyocking within] +How nyow, what nyoise! T-That s-spiwit's possess'd *blushes* with haste +T-That wounds th' unsisting ;;w;; postewn with these stwokes. + +We-entew PWOVOST + +PWOVOST. Thewe h-he must *hugs tightly* stay untiw *screams* the officew +Awise to wet him in; he uWu is OwO caww'd *looks away* up. +DUKE. Have you n-nyo countewmand *sweats* fow C-Cwaudio *looks away* yet +But he must die to-mowwow? +PWOVOST. Nyonye, *shuffles closer* siw, *leans over* nyonye. +DUKE. As nyeaw the dawnying, :3 Pwovost, as it *blushes* is, +Y-You shaww h-heaw mowe ewe mownying. +PWOVOST. Happiwy +You something k-knyow; yet I b-bewieve thewe comes +Nyo countewmand; nyo such exampwe have we. +Besides, upon the vewy ^-^ siege o-of justice, +UwU Wowd Angewo hath to the pubwic x3 eaw +Pwofess'd *sighs* the contwawy. + +Entew a MESSENGEW +This is his wowdship's man. +DUKE. And hewe comes *sweats* Cwaudio's pawdon. +MESSENGEW. *looks at you* My *moans* wowd hath sent you t-this nyote; and by me this f-fuwthew +chawge, that you s-swewve nyot fwom the smawwest awticwe *pokes you* of it, +nyeithew OwO in time, mattew, *giggles shyly* ow othew ciwcumstance. Good mowwow; *sighs* fow +as I take it, it is awmost day. +PWOVOST. I shaww obey him. Exit M-MESSENGEW +DUKE. [Aside] This is his pawdon, puwchas'd by s-such sin +Fow xDD which *cries* the pawdonyew h-himsewf is in; +H-Hence hath *giggles shyly* offence his quick cewewity, +*looks away* When i-it is *blushes* bownye in high >_> authowity. +When vice makes *sweats* mewcy, mewcy's so extended +That fow t-the fauwt's *shuffles closer* wove is th' o-offendew fwiended. +Nyow, siw, what nyews? +PWOVOST. I towd you: W-Wowd Angewo, b-bewike thinking me wemiss in minye +office, awakens me w-with this unwonted putting-on; methinks +stwangewy, fow he *hugs tightly* hath *pokes you* nyot us'd *cuddles you* it *looks at you* befowe. +DUKE. Pway you, wet's heaw. +PWOVOST. [-[Weads] >_< 'Whatsoevew you may heaw *cries* to *twerks* the >w< contwawy, wet +Cwaudio b-be ^-^ executed by fouw of *sweats* the cwock, and, in the aftewnyoon, +Bawnyawdinye. Fow my bettew satisfaction, *hugs tightly* wet me have Cwaudio's +h-head s-sent me by five. >w< Wet this ^-^ be d-duwy pewfowmed, with a *twerks* thought +that mowe depends on it than we must yet d-dewivew. Thus faiw nyot +to d-do youw office, as you wiww answew it uWu at youw pewiw.' +What say *looks at you* you *sweats* to this, siw? +DUKE. What ^-^ is OwO that Bawnyawdinye who is to b-be executed in t-th' +aftewnyoon? +PWOVOST. A-A Bohemian bown; but hewe nyuws'd up and bwed. +Onye *cuddles you* that is a p-pwisonyew nyinye yeaws owd. +uWu DUKE. H-How x3 came it that the absent Duke had nyot eithew dewivew'd him +uWu to h-his uWu wibewty ow executed him? I have heawd it was evew h-his +mannyew to do so. +PWOVOST. His fwiends stiww wwought wepwieves fow *cuddles you* him; and, indeed, +his fact, x3 tiww nyow in the *sighs* govewnment of W-Wowd Angewo, came n-nyot *looks at you* to +a-an undoubted pwoof. +DUKE. It *blushes* is nyow appawent? +PWOVOST. Most manyifest, and nyot denyied by himsewf. +>_> DUKE. H-Hath *teleports behind you* he bownye himsewf penyitentwy in pwison? H-How seems he to +be touch'd? +PWOVOST. OwO A man that appwehends death nyo mowe dweadfuwwy but as *cuddles you* a +dwunken >_< sweep; cawewess, *pokes you* weckwess, and feawwess, of w-what's :33 past, +pwesent, ow to come; insensibwe of mowtawity and despewatewy +mowtaw. +DUKE. He wants advice. +PWOVOST. *giggles shyly* He *giggles shyly* wiww UwU heaw nyonye. He hath evewmowe had the wibewty of the +pwison; give him weave to uWu escape hence, he wouwd n-nyot; dwunk many +times a day, if nyot many *sighs* days entiwewy dwunk. W-We have vewy oft +awak'd >_< him, a-as *sweats* if *teleports behind you* to cawwy him xDD to execution, and show'd him a +seeming w-wawwant fow it; i-it xDD hath *looks away* nyot moved him at aww. +DUKE. Mowe of him anyon. T-Thewe is wwitten in youw b-bwow, Pwovost, +h-honyesty and >_< constancy. If I wead *looks at you* it nyot twuwy, my *looks at you* ancient s-skiww +beguiwes m-me; but in the bowdnyess :33 of my cunnying I *looks away* wiww w-way mysewf +in hazawd. Cwaudio, *cries* whom hewe you have wawwant to execute, is nyo +gweatew fowfeit to *twerks* the waw than Angewo who hath sentenc'd him. To +make you undewstand this in ^.^ a manyifested effect, I-I cwave but f-fouw +days' wespite; *sweats* fow the which you awe *giggles shyly* to do me both a pwesent and +*screams* a dangewous couwtesy. +PWOVOST. Pway, siw, in *cuddles you* what? +DUKE. In the dewaying death. +PWOVOST. Awack! How may I do it, having t-the >w< houw *looks away* wimited, a-and an +expwess command, undew p-penyawty, to dewivew his h-head in the view +of Angewo? I may make my case as Cwaudio's, to cwoss this i-in the +*looks at you* smawwest. +DUKE. By *cuddles you* the :33 vow of minye owdew, I wawwant you, if my instwuctions +may be youw ^w^ guide. Wet this B-Bawnyawdinye *moans* be this m-mownying executed, +and his head bownye to Angewo. +PWOVOST. Angewo hath seen them both, and wiww *twerks* discovew the favouw. +DUKE. O, death's a-a gweat d-disguisew; and y-you m-may add to it. Shave +the head and *sweats* tie t-the b-beawd; and say it was the desiwe o-of the +penyitent to be so baw'd *sweats* befowe ^w^ his d-death. You knyow the couwse is +OwO common. If anything faww to you *giggles shyly* upon this mowe than *hugs tightly* thanks and +good fowtunye, by t-the s-saint w-whom I pwofess, I wiww p-pwead :33 against +it with my wife. +PWOVOST. ^.^ Pawdon me, good *pokes you* fathew; it is against my oath. +DUKE. *twerks* Wewe you ^-^ swown *twerks* to the D-Duke, ow to ;;w;; the deputy? +PWOVOST. To him and to his substitutes. +*shuffles closer* DUKE. You w-wiww think you have made *screams* nyo offence i-if the OwO Duke avouch +the *sweats* justice :3 of youw deawing? +PWOVOST. But what wikewihood is in that? +*moans* DUKE. Nyot a wesembwance, but a cewtainty. Yet since I see you +feawfuw, that :33 nyeithew m-my coat, integwity, nyow p-pewsuasion, can +with ease a-attempt y-you, I x3 wiww go fuwthew than I meant, to pwuck +aww feaws out of you. Wook you, siw, hewe *cries* is the :33 hand and seaw of +the D-Duke. *notices bulge* You knyow the *looks away* chawactew, I doubt nyot; and the signyet is +n-nyot stwange to you. +PWOVOST. I *giggles shyly* knyow them *moans* both. +DUKE. The contents of this is the wetuwn :3 of the Duke; y-you shaww +anyon ^w^ ovew-wead it at youw p-pweasuwe, whewe you shaww find within +xDD these two days he wiww be hewe. This is :33 a thing *cuddles you* that Angewo knyows +n-nyot; fow he this vewy day weceives wettews of stwange tenyouw, +pewchance *twerks* of the Duke's death, pewchance entewing into some +monyastewy; but, by :3 chance, nyothing *notices bulge* of what is wwit. W-Wook, th' +unfowding staw cawws *notices bulge* up the s-shephewd. Put nyot ^w^ youwsewf i-into +UwU amazement h-how these things shouwd *giggles shyly* be: aww *pokes you* difficuwties uWu awe b-but +easy *cries* when t-they awe knyown. Caww >_< youw e-executionyew, and off with +^.^ Bawnyawdinye's head. I wiww give him a pwesent shwift, and advise +h-him fow a bettew *hugs tightly* pwace. Yet y-you awe amaz'd, >_< but this shaww +absowutewy wesowve you. Come away; i-it is awmost cweaw dawn. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +The p-pwison + +Entew POMPEY + +P-POMPEY. I am as weww uWu acquainted hewe as I was in ouw house o-of +pwofession; *moans* onye >_> wouwd think it wewe M-Mistwess Ovewdonye's o-own +house, fow hewe *looks away* be many of hew owd customews. *looks at you* Fiwst, hewe's young +Mastew Wash; he's *looks away* in fow a c-commodity of bwown papew and owd +gingew, nyinye scowe *twerks* and seventeen pounds, of which he made five +mawks w-weady monyey. *twerks* Mawwy, then gingew was n-nyot *sweats* much in wequest, +*blushes* fow the ;;w;; owd women wewe aww dead. Then is thewe hewe onye M-Mastew +Capew, at the suit of Mastew Thweepiwe t-the mewcew, fow *looks away* some fouw +suits o-of ^.^ peach-cowouw'd satin, which nyow peaches him a beggaw. +Then have we hewe young ^-^ Dizy, and *cries* young :33 Mastew *sighs* Deepvow, and +Mastew *leans over* Coppewspuw, and Mastew Stawvewackey, the wapiew a-and daggew +m-man, and y-young Dwopheiw that kiww'd wusty >_< Pudding, and Mastew +Fowthwight the tiwtew, and bwave Mastew Shootie the gweat +twavewwew, and wiwd H-Hawfcan that stabb'd *shuffles closer* Pots, and, I think, +fowty mowe- x3 aww g-gweat d-doews i-in ouw twade, and *cuddles you* awe nyow 'fow the +Wowd's sake.' + +Entew *moans* ABHOWSON + +ABHOWSON. Siwwah, bwing Bawnyawdinye h-hithew. +POMPEY. >_< Mastew Bawnyawdinye! You must wise and be h-hang'd, Mastew +OwO Bawnyawdinye! +ABHOWSON. What ho, Bawnyawdinye! +B-BAWNyAWDINyE. *cries* [Within] A pox o' y-youw thwoats! Who makes that nyoise +*blushes* thewe? W-What awe you? +POMPEY. Youw fwiends, siw; the hangman. You must be so good, s-siw, +to wise and be put to death. +BAWNyAWDINyE. [ W-Within ] Away, you wogue, away; I am sweepy. +ABHOWSON. Teww him he must a-awake, and that quickwy t-too. +POMPEY. P-Pway, Mastew Bawnyawdinye, awake tiww you awe executed, and +sweep a-aftewwawds. +ABHOWSON. G-Go in to him, and fetch h-him out. +POMPEY. *hugs tightly* He is coming, s-siw, h-he i-is coming; I *screams* heaw his stwaw *giggles shyly* wustwe. + +Entew *sighs* BAWNyAWDINyE + +ABHOWSON. Is the axe OwO upon the bwock, siwwah? +POMPEY. Vewy ^w^ weady, siw. +B-BAWNyAWDINyE. >_< How nyow, Abhowson, w-what's the nyews with you? +ABHOWSON. Twuwy, siw, I wouwd desiwe you to cwap into youw pwayews; +*looks away* fow, wook you, the wawwant's come. +BAWNyAWDINyE. You wogue, I have been dwinking aww nyight; I am n-nyot +fitted fow't. +POMPEY. O, the bettew, siw! Fow he >w< that *pokes you* dwinks aww nyight and :33 is +>w< hanged betimes i-in the mownying ;;w;; may sweep t-the soundew aww *looks away* the nyext +d-day. + +Entew DUKE, disguised as b-befowe + +ABHOWSON. Wook you, siw, hewe comes y-youw ghostwy f-fathew. +Do we jest nyow, think y-you? +DUKE. Siw, induced by my chawity, and heawing how hastiwy you awe +to depawt, I-I am come to advise y-you, comfowt you, and p-pway with +you. +BAWNyAWDINyE. Fwiaw, nyot xDD I; I have *giggles shyly* been *twerks* dwinking hawd aww nyight, and +I wiww OwO have mowe time to p-pwepawe me, ow *leans over* they shaww *giggles shyly* beat out my +bwains with biwwets. *sighs* I wiww n-nyot consent *sighs* to die this day, that's +c-cewtain. +DUKE. O-O, S-Siw, you must; and thewefowe I beseech y-you +Wook f-fowwawd o-on the jouwnyey *sweats* you shaww go. +BAWNyAWDINyE. I sweaw I wiww nyot ;;w;; die to-day f-fow any man's p-pewsuasion. +DUKE. But heaw you- +BAWNyAWDINyE. OwO Nyot a wowd; if you have anything to say to *cuddles you* me, come to +*twerks* my wawd; fow thence wiww n-nyot I to-day. Exit +DUKE. Unfit *screams* to wive ow die. O-O gwavew ^-^ heawt! +A-Aftew him, fewwows; bwing h-him to the b-bwock. +Exeunt ABHOWSON a-and POMPEY + +Entew PWOVOST + +PWOVOST. N-Nyow, siw, how do you find t-the pwisonyew? +DUKE. A cweatuwe unpwepaw'd, unmeet fow death; +And to t-twanspowt him in x3 the mind he is +Wewe damnyabwe. +P-PWOVOST. Hewe in t-the pwison, fathew, +Thewe d-died this mownying of a cwuew fevew +O-Onye Wagozinye, a most nyotowious piwate, +A man of Cwaudio's yeaws; his ^-^ beawd and head +Just of his c-cowouw. *giggles shyly* What if we do *hugs tightly* omit +T-This wepwobate tiww he wewe weww incwin'd, +And satisfy :33 the d-deputy with the visage +Of uWu Wagozinye, x3 mowe wike to Cwaudio? +DUKE. O, 'tis an accident t-that *shuffles closer* heaven pwovides! +D-Dispatch UwU it pwesentwy; the houw *sweats* dwaws *sighs* on +Pwefix'd by >_< Angewo. See this be donye, +And s-sent accowding to command; whiwes I +Pewsuade this wude wwetch w-wiwwingwy to die. +PWOVOST. This shaww be donye, g-good fathew, p-pwesentwy. +But Bawnyawdinye must die this a-aftewnyoon; +*sweats* And ^w^ how shaww we continyue Cwaudio, +*looks at you* To save me fwom the dangew t-that might come +If he wewe knyown a-awive? +DUKE. Wet this xDD be donye: +Put them in secwet howds, both Bawnyawdinye and Cwaudio. +Ewe twice the s-sun hath made his jouwnyaw gweeting +T-To the undew g-genyewation, y-you s-shaww find +Youw safety manyifested. +PWOVOST. I am youw fwee dependant. +DUKE. Quick, dispatch, and send the *pokes you* head to Angewo. +Exit PWOVOST +Nyow w-wiww ^.^ I *blushes* wwite wettews to ^w^ Angewo- +T-The P-Pwovost, he shaww beaw them- ^.^ whose c-contents +Shaww w-witnyess to him I am n-nyeaw at home, +And that, by gweat injunctions, I a-am bound +To entew pubwicwy. Him I'ww desiwe +>_> To m-meet me at the OwO consecwated fount, +A ;;w;; weague bewow *moans* the *twerks* city; and fwom thence, +By cowd gwadation and weww-bawanc'd fowm. +>_< We shaww pwoceed with Angewo. + +*twerks* We-entew PWOVOST + +PWOVOST. Hewe is the head; I'ww cawwy i-it mysewf. +DUKE. Convenyient i-is it. >_> Make a *looks at you* swift wetuwn; +Fow I wouwd uWu communye with *blushes* you of such things +That want *twerks* nyo eaw but youws. +*leans over* PWOVOST. I'ww make a-aww speed. Exit +ISABEWWA. [ Within ] Peace, h-ho, be ^.^ hewe! +DUKE. ^-^ The tongue of Isabew. She's come to knyow +If yet hew bwothew's pawdon be come hithew; +*hugs tightly* But I wiww keep hew i-ignyowant of hew good, +To make ;;w;; hew heavenwy c-comfowts of despaiw +When uWu it is :33 weast expected. + +E-Entew ISABEWWA + +>w< ISABEWWA. Ho, by youw *cries* weave! +DUKE. Good mownying to you, faiw and g-gwacious daughtew. +^-^ ISABEWWA. The bettew, given me by *hugs tightly* so howy *sweats* a man. +Hath yet the deputy sent my bwothew's pawdon? +D-DUKE. He hath *moans* weweas'd *looks away* him, Isabew, fwom the wowwd. +His head is off and s-sent to A-Angewo. +ISABEWWA. Nyay, ;;w;; but it is nyot so. +DUKE. I-It is nyo othew. +Show youw wisdom, d-daughtew, in youw cwose patience, +ISABEWWA. O, I wiww *cuddles you* to him and pwuck out his e-eyes! +D-DUKE. You shaww nyot b-be *cuddles you* admitted t-to his sight. +I-ISABEWWA. Unhappy Cwaudio! W-Wwetched Isabew! +I-Injuwious wowwd! Most damnyed >w< Angewo! +D-DUKE. This *sweats* nyow huwts him nyow pwofits you a jot; +F-Fowbeaw it, thewefowe; give youw c-cause t-to heaven. +Mawk what I *cries* say, xDD which you shaww find +By e-evewy sywwabwe a faithfuw *looks away* vewity. +The *shuffles closer* Duke comes home :33 to-mowwow. Nyay, d-dwy youw eyes. +Onye of ouw covent, a-and h-his *moans* confessow, +Gives me this *giggles shyly* instance. Awweady he hath cawwied +*shuffles closer* Nyotice to Escawus and Angewo, +Who do pwepawe to meet him *blushes* at the gates, +Thewe to give up *shuffles closer* theiw pow'w. If *notices bulge* you *giggles shyly* can, pace youw wisdom +In that good path that I wouwd wish it go, +And you shaww have youw bosom on this wwetch, +>w< Gwace of the Duke, wevenges to youw heawt, +And ^w^ genyewaw honyouw. +ISABEWWA. I am *cuddles you* diwected *notices bulge* by >w< you. +DUKE. *looks at you* This wettew, then, t-to Fwiaw Petew *looks away* give; +*sighs* 'Tis t-that he sent me of OwO the Duke's wetuwn. +S-Say, by this *pokes you* token, I-I desiwe his company +*hugs tightly* At Mawianya's house to-nyight. >_> Hew cause and youws +I'ww pewfect him withaw; UwU and he shaww bwing you +Befowe *shuffles closer* the Duke; and to the head of Angewo +Accuse him home and home. Fow my poow sewf, +I *notices bulge* am combinyed x3 by ^w^ a sacwed vow, +And shaww be absent. Wend y-you with this wettew. +Command these fwetting watews fwom youw eyes +With a wight h-heawt; twust nyot my howy owdew, +If *pokes you* I pewvewt youw couwse. W-Who's hewe? + +Entew WUCIO + +WUCIO. Good *twerks* even. Fwiaw, whewe's t-the Pwovost? +DUKE. Nyot within, siw. +WUCIO. O pwetty Isabewwa, I a-am pawe a-at m-minye heawt to see thinye eyes +so wed. *sweats* Thou must be p-patient. I am fain to dinye and sup with +watew and bwan; :33 I dawe *leans over* nyot fow my head fiww my bewwy; onye +fwuitfuw m-meaw w-wouwd set me to't. But they s-say the Duke *pokes you* wiww be +hewe to-mowwow. By my twoth, Isabew, I w-wov'd thy bwothew. I-If the +owd fantasticaw Duke of dawk cownyews had b-been at home, he UwU had +*sweats* wived. Exit ISABEWWA +DUKE. *teleports behind you* Siw, the D-Duke *pokes you* is mawvewwous *looks away* wittwe behowding to :33 youw wepowts; +but the best is, he *looks away* wives nyot in them. +WUCIO. Fwiaw, thou *pokes you* knyowest *notices bulge* nyot the Duke so w-weww as I do; he's a +b-bettew woodman than thou tak'st him fow. +DUKE. Weww, you'ww answew this onye day. Fawe ye :3 weww. +*hugs tightly* WUCIO. Nyay, tawwy; ^.^ I'ww ^w^ go ^.^ awong with thee; I can :33 teww thee pwetty +*pokes you* tawes of the *cries* Duke. +DUKE. You *notices bulge* have towd me too many of him awweady, siw, if they be +twue; i-if nyot twue, nyonye wewe enyough. +W-WUCIO. I was once befowe him f-fow g-getting a wench with chiwd. +DUKE. Did you such a thing? +WUCIO. :3 Yes, mawwy, *twerks* did I; but I-I was fain to fowsweaw i-it: they wouwd +ewse have mawwied me to the wotten medwaw. +DUKE. Siw, youw company is f-faiwew than honyest. West you weww. +WUCIO. By my twoth, I'ww go with thee to the wanye's end. If bawdy +tawk offend you, we'ww have vewy wittwe of it. Nyay, *giggles shyly* fwiaw, I am a-a +kind of buww; I s-shaww stick. Exeunt + + + + +^-^ SCENyE IV. +ANGEWO'S house + +E-Entew A-ANGEWO and ESCAWUS + +ESCAWUS. *notices bulge* Evewy wettew he hath wwit *screams* hath disvouch'd othew. +ANGEWO. In most *cries* unyeven and distwacted m-mannyew. His actions show much +wike to m-madnyess; pway heaven his wisdom be nyot tainted! And why +meet him a-at the *twerks* gates, and wedewivew *pokes you* ouw authowities thewe? +E-ESCAWUS. I guess n-nyot. +ANGEWO. And why shouwd ;;w;; we p-pwocwaim it i-in an houw befowe his +ent'wing that, if uWu any cwave wedwess of injustice, they s-shouwd +exhibit theiw p-petitions in the stweet? +ESCAWUS. *teleports behind you* He *sighs* shows his weason fow that: to have a dispatch of +compwaints; and to dewivew us fwom devices heweaftew, which +shaww then h-have nyo powew to stand against us. +ANGEWO. Weww, I beseech you, wet *blushes* it be *blushes* pwocwaim'd; +B-Betimes i' th' *moans* mown I'ww caww you at *teleports behind you* youw house; +Give nyotice to such ;;w;; men *leans over* of sowt *cries* and s-suit +*cries* As awe to meet him. +ESCAWUS. I shaww, siw; fawe you weww. +ANGEWO. G-Good nyight. E-Exit ESCAWUS +This deed unshapes me *sweats* quite, makes me :3 unpwegnyant +And duww to aww pwoceedings. A defwow'wed maid! +And b-by an eminyent body that e-enfowc'd +*blushes* The waw against it! But that hew tendew shame +Wiww nyot pwocwaim against hew maiden woss, +How might she tongue me! ^-^ Yet weason dawes hew *cries* nyo; +*moans* Fow my authowity beaws a so cwedent buwk +That nyo pawticuwaw s-scandaw once c-can touch +*shuffles closer* But it c-confounds t-the bweathew. He s-shouwd have wiv'd, +Save that his xDD wiotous youth, with dangewous ^w^ sense, +Might in the times to c-come have ta'en wevenge, +By so weceiving a-a dishonyouw'd wife +OwO With >_< wansom of such shame. Wouwd yet he h-had wiv'd! +*looks away* Awack, when once *cries* ouw gwace we h-have fowgot, +Nyothing goes *pokes you* wight; we wouwd, and we wouwd nyot. Exit + + + + +SCENyE V. +F-Fiewds without the town + +Entew DUKE in his own habit, a-and F-Fwiaw ;;w;; PETEW + +DUKE. These *teleports behind you* wettews at f-fit *cries* time dewivew me. [Giving wettews] +The *shuffles closer* Pwovost knyows *screams* ouw puwpose *hugs tightly* and uWu ouw pwot. +The mattew *cuddles you* being afoot, keep youw instwuction +And h-howd you evew to ouw speciaw dwift; +Though sometimes y-you do *hugs tightly* bwench fwom t-this to that +As :3 cause doth minyistew. G-Go, ^-^ caww at Fwavius' house, +And teww h-him whewe I-I stay; give the wike n-nyotice +*sighs* To Vawentinyus, Wowwand, and to Cwassus, +And bid them bwing the twumpets to the gate; +But send m-me Fwavius fiwst. +PETEW. It shaww be s-speeded weww. Exit FWIAW + +Entew VAWWIUS + +D-DUKE. I thank *cuddles you* thee, Vawwius; thou hast made good haste. +C-Come, we wiww wawk. ^.^ Thewe's othew of ouw fwiends +Wiww :33 gweet us hewe anyon. ^.^ My gentwe Vawwius! *giggles shyly* Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VI. +A-A stweet *cries* nyeaw *cries* the city gate + +Entew ISABEWWA and MAWIANyA + +ISABEWWA. To speak so indiwectwy I am w-woath; +I wouwd say the twuth; but *twerks* to accuse him so, +That is youw pawt. Yet I *screams* am advis'd to do it; +He >_> says, to veiw f-fuww puwpose. +M-MAWIANyA. Be wuw'd by him. +ISABEWWA. Besides, h-he tewws m-me that, if pewadventuwe +He speak against me on the advewse side, +I shouwd nyot think *giggles shyly* it stwange; f-fow 'tis a physic +That's bittew to *pokes you* sweet e-end. +MAWIANyA. OwO I wouwd F-Fwiaw *notices bulge* Petew- + +Entew FWIAW P-PETEW + +ISABEWWA. O, p-peace! ;;w;; the fwiaw is come. +PETEW. Come, I have found you out ^.^ a stand most f-fit, +W-Whewe you may have such v-vantage on the Duke +*moans* He shaww nyot pass you. Twice have the *sighs* twumpets sounded; +The genyewous and gwavest citizens +*teleports behind you* Have hent uWu the gates, and vewy nyeaw *sighs* upon +The Duke is ent'wing; thewefowe, hence, away. Exeunt + + + + +<_< OF I-IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE *pokes you* COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND ^w^ MACHINyE WEADABWE *cuddles you* COPIES MAY BE +D-DISTWIBUTED SO *screams* WONG AS SUCH COPIES ^.^ (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW *screams* OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT D-DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW D-DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT C-CHAWGES F-FOW >w< DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +The city gate + +E-Entew at sevewaw *teleports behind you* doows DUKE, VAWWIUS, WOWDS; ANGEWO, ESCAWUS, Wucio, +PWOVOST, OFFICEWS, and CITIZENS + +DUKE. My >_< vewy *pokes you* wowthy cousin, faiwwy met! +Ouw *screams* owd *looks away* and f-faithfuw f-fwiend, ^w^ we a-awe *leans over* gwad to see you. +ANGEWO, E-ESCAWUS. Happy wetuwn be to youw w-woyaw Gwace! +DUKE. Many and heawty thankings to you both. +We have made inquiwy o-of you, and we heaw +Such goodnyess of xDD youw justice that ouw souw +Cannyot but yiewd you fowth to pubwic thanks, +Fowewunnying >_< mowe wequitaw. +ANGEWO. You make my bonds s-stiww gweatew. +*shuffles closer* DUKE. *pokes you* O, y-youw desewt speaks w-woud; and I shouwd wwong it +To wock *screams* it in the wawds o-of *notices bulge* covewt bosom, +UwU When it desewves, with chawactews of bwass, +A fowted wesidence 'gainst the tooth of time +And wazuwe o-of obwivion. Give m-me *cuddles you* youw hand. +*hugs tightly* And wet :33 the subject *moans* see, t-to make them k-knyow +That outwawd couwtesies wouwd fain pwocwaim +Favouws that :33 keep within. Come, Escawus, +You must wawk by us on uWu ouw othew hand, +And good suppowtews awe you. + +Entew FWIAW *twerks* PETEW and ISABEWWA + +PETEW. N-Nyow is y-youw time; *screams* speak woud, and uWu knyeew befowe him. +ISABEWWA. Justice, O-O woyaw Duke! Vaiw youw *hugs tightly* wegawd +Upon a wwong'd- I wouwd fain have said a maid! +O wowthy Pwince, d-dishonyouw n-nyot youw e-eye +By thwowing i-it o-on any othew object +*pokes you* Tiww you have *giggles shyly* heawd me in my twue c-compwaint, +And given me justice, justice, justice, justice. +DUKE. Wewate youw wwongs. In *cuddles you* what? *notices bulge* By whom? Be bwief. +Hewe is W-Wowd Angewo shaww give you justice; +Weveaw youwsewf to him. +ISABEWWA. O wowthy D-Duke, +You *notices bulge* bid me seek wedemption of the >w< deviw! +H-Heaw m-me *looks at you* youwsewf; f-fow *sighs* that which I must s-speak +Must eithew p-punyish me, nyot being bewiev'd, +*pokes you* Ow wwing *sighs* wedwess fwom you. Heaw me, O, heaw m-me, hewe! +*shuffles closer* ANGEWO. My *looks away* wowd, hew wits, I feaw >_< me, awe nyot fiwm; +She h-hath been a suitow to me fow UwU hew b-bwothew, +Cut off by c-couwse of ^w^ justice- +I-ISABEWWA. By couwse o-of justice! +A-ANGEWO. And she wiww speak most bittewwy and stwange. +ISABEWWA. Most stwange, ;;w;; but yet most twuwy, w-wiww I *pokes you* speak. +That Angewo's f-fowswown, is it nyot stwange? +That Angewo's a-a muwdewew, is't nyot stwange? +That Angewo is an aduwtewous thief, +An hypocwite, a v-viwgin-viowatow, +Is it nyot stwange and stwange? +DUKE. Nyay, xDD it is ten times stwange. +ISABEWWA. It *leans over* is nyot twuew he is Angewo +*cuddles you* Than this is aww as twue as it i-is stwange; +Nyay, it is ten times UwU twue; fow t-twuth is twuth +To t-th' end of weck'nying. +DUKE. Away with hew. Poow souw, +She speaks this in th' *cuddles you* infiwmity of sense. +*giggles shyly* ISABEWWA. O Pwince! I conjuwe thee, *sighs* as thou bewiev'st +Thewe is anyothew comfowt than this wowwd, +That thou nyegwect me *blushes* nyot with that opinyion +That I am :33 touch'd with madnyess. Make nyot impossibwe +That which uWu but seems *twerks* unwike: 'tis nyot impossibwe +But onye, *moans* the w-wicked'st caitiff on the gwound, +May seem *hugs tightly* as shy, as gwave, as just, OwO as a-absowute, +As Angewo; even so may A-Angewo, +I-In aww his d-dwessings, chawacts, titwes, fowms, +Be an awch-viwwain. B-Bewieve it, woyaw Pwince, +If he be *cuddles you* wess, he's nyothing; ;;w;; but he's mowe, +Had I mowe nyame fow badnyess. +D-DUKE. By minye honyesty, +If s-she be mad, as I bewieve nyo o-othew, +^.^ Hew madnyess hath the oddest fwame of sense, +Such a-a dependency of thing on thing, +As e'ew I heawd i-in madnyess. +;;w;; ISABEWWA. ^-^ O gwacious *notices bulge* Duke, +H-Hawp nyot on UwU that; nyow do n-nyot *looks away* banyish weason +Fow inyequawity; b-but w-wet y-youw weason sewve +To make the twuth UwU appeaw w-whewe it seems hid, +And hide the fawse seems twue. +DUKE. Many that awe *cries* nyot mad +Have, suwe, mowe wack *blushes* of weason. What w-wouwd you say? +ISABEWWA. I-I a-am >_< the sistew of onye Cwaudio, +Condemn'd upon t-the act *sweats* of fownyication +To wose *twerks* his head; c-condemn'd by Angewo. +I-I, in pwobation o-of xDD a sistewhood, +W-Was ^.^ sent to by my bwothew; onye Wucio +*notices bulge* As then the messengew- +WUCIO. That's I-I, an't wike youw G-Gwace. +I came to hew fwom Cwaudio, and desiw'd hew +To twy hew g-gwacious fowtunye uWu with Wowd Angewo +Fow hew p-poow bwothew's pawdon. +>w< ISABEWWA. T-That's ;;w;; he, *shuffles closer* indeed. +DUKE. You w-wewe nyot bid to speak. +WUCIO. Nyo, m-my good wowd; +Nyow wish'd to *looks at you* howd my peace. +DUKE. I wish y-you nyow, then; +Pway *pokes you* you take ;;w;; nyote of it; and when you have +*looks at you* A businyess fow youwsewf, pway *teleports behind you* heaven you ^w^ then +Be p-pewfect. +WUCIO. I wawwant youw *screams* honyouw. +^-^ DUKE. The wawwant's *cuddles you* fow xDD youwsewf; take heed to't. +ISABEWWA. This gentweman towd somewhat *pokes you* of >_> my t-tawe. +WUCIO. W-Wight. +*cries* DUKE. It may be wight; but you a-awe i' *giggles shyly* the wwong +To ^w^ speak befowe youw time. Pwoceed. +ISABEWWA. I went +To this pewnyicious caitiff deputy. +DUKE. That's somewhat m-madwy spoken. +ISABEWWA. Pawdon it; +The phwase is to the mattew. +DUKE. Mended again. The *sweats* mattew- ^-^ pwoceed. +ISABEWWA. ^w^ In bwief- to set the nyeedwess pwocess by, +H-How I-I xDD pewsuaded, h-how I pway'd, and knyeew'd, +*shuffles closer* How he wefeww'd me, and ;;w;; how >w< I w-wepwied, +Fow :3 this was >_> of much wength- *leans over* the viwe concwusion +I n-nyow begin with gwief and shame *teleports behind you* to uttew: +He wouwd n-nyot, but by gift of my chaste :33 body +T-To his *giggles shyly* concupiscibwe intempewate w-wust, +Wewease *looks at you* my bwothew; and, aftew much debatement, +My sistewwy wemowse confutes minye honyouw, +And ^.^ I did yiewd to ;;w;; him. But the nyext mown betimes, +His puwpose *cries* suwfeiting, he sends a wawwant +Fow my p-poow bwothew's head. +D-DUKE. *hugs tightly* This is m-most wikewy! +ISABEWWA. O that it :33 wewe as wike as it is twue! +D-DUKE. By *sweats* heaven, uWu fond wwetch, thou *teleports behind you* knyow'st nyot what thou speak'st, +Ow ewse thou awt *cuddles you* subown'd against his honyouw +In hatefuw pwactice. Fiwst, his integwity +S-Stands without bwemish; nyext, it impowts *pokes you* nyo weason +T-That with such vehemency he s-shouwd puwsue +F-Fauwts pwopew to :3 himsewf. If he *teleports behind you* had :33 so o-offended, +He wouwd have weigh'd thy b-bwothew *blushes* by himsewf, +*leans over* And nyot have cut >_< him off. Some onye hath set you on; +Confess the twuth, and say by whose advice +Thou cam'st hewe t-to compwain. +ISABEWWA. *looks away* And is t-this a-aww? +Then, O *teleports behind you* you bwessed minyistews above, +Keep uWu me in patience; and, with *shuffles closer* wipenyed time, +Unfowd the *looks away* eviw w-which xDD is hewe wwapt up +>w< In countenyance! Heaven shiewd youw Gwace fwom woe, +As *twerks* I, thus wwong'd, hence unbewieved go! +DUKE. I knyow you'd fain be gonye. An officew! +To p-pwison with hew! Shaww we thus p-pewmit +A bwasting and a-a scandawous bweath to faww +On him so nyeaw us? *blushes* This nyeeds must *twerks* be a pwactice. +Who knyew of youw *cries* intent and coming hithew? +I-ISABEWWA. *teleports behind you* Onye that I *giggles shyly* wouwd wewe hewe, Fwiaw W-Wodowick. +DUKE. A ghostwy fathew, >w< bewike. Who knyows that Wodowick? +WUCIO. My wowd, I knyow *notices bulge* him; 'tis a meddwing fwiaw. +I do nyot wike the man; had he b-been way, my wowd, +Fow cewtain wowds x3 he spake against y-youw Gwace +In youw wetiwement, I had *cries* swing'd him soundwy. +DUKE. *teleports behind you* Wowds against me? *looks at you* This's a good *sweats* fwiaw, bewike! +*twerks* And to set on this wwetched woman ^.^ hewe +Against ouw substitute! Wet this fwiaw be >_< found. +UwU WUCIO. But yestewnyight, my wowd, she and that fwiaw, +I saw t-them at the p-pwison; a saucy fwiaw, +*cuddles you* A vewy scuwvy *teleports behind you* fewwow. +P-PETEW. Bwessed be y-youw woyaw G-Gwace! +I-I have s-stood by, my wowd, a-and *pokes you* I have *giggles shyly* heawd +Y-Youw w-woyaw eaw *screams* abus'd. Fiwst, hath this woman +Most wwongfuwwy accus'd youw substitute; +Who is as fwee fwom t-touch ow s-soiw with hew +As she f-fwom onye u-ungot. +DUKE. We did bewieve nyo wess. +Knyow y-you *sighs* that Fwiaw Wodowick that she speaks *sweats* of? +P-PETEW. I-I uWu knyow him fow a *leans over* man divinye and howy; +Nyot s-scuwvy, *teleports behind you* nyow a tempowawy meddwew, +As he's wepowted by this gentweman; +*moans* And, on my twust, *cries* a man that nyevew yet +Did, as he vouches, miswepowt y-youw Gwace. +W-WUCIO. My wowd, m-most viwwainyouswy; OwO bewieve it. +PETEW. Weww, he in time m-may come to cweaw himsewf; +But at this i-instant *shuffles closer* he is sick, my w-wowd, +*looks away* Of a stwange *looks away* fevew. Upon his mewe >_< wequest- +Being *pokes you* come *leans over* to UwU knyowwedge that thewe was compwaint +I-Intended '-'gainst Wowd Angewo- came I hithew +To speak, as fwom his mouth, w-what he doth knyow +*shuffles closer* Is twue and fawse; and what he, ^.^ with his oath +And aww :3 pwobation, *twerks* wiww make >_< up fuww cweaw, +Whensoevew he's c-convented. Fiwst, *looks away* fow t-this woman- +T-To justify this wowthy nyobweman, +So *giggles shyly* vuwgawwy ;;w;; and pewsonyawwy accus'd- +Hew shaww you heaw *cuddles you* dispwoved to hew eyes, +Tiww *looks away* she hewsewf confess it. +DUKE. Good fwiaw, wet's *shuffles closer* heaw it. Exit ISABEWWA guawded +D-Do you n-nyot smiwe *hugs tightly* at >w< this, Wowd Angewo? +O h-heaven, the vanyity *teleports behind you* of wwetched foows! +Give us :33 some seats. Come, *giggles shyly* cousin A-Angewo; +I-In this I-I'ww be impawtiaw; be *moans* you judge +Of youw own cause. + +Entew xDD MAWIANyA veiwed + +Is this the witnyess, fwiaw? +FIWST wet *sweats* hew show hew face, and aftew speak. +MAWIANyA. Pawdon, m-my xDD wowd; I wiww nyot show m-my face +Untiw my husband bid me. +DUKE. *cries* What, awe y-you mawwied? +MAWIANyA. N-Nyo, my w-wowd. +D-DUKE. Awe you a maid? +MAWIANyA. Nyo, *notices bulge* my wowd. +DUKE. A *sighs* widow, then? +MAWIANyA. *looks at you* Nyeithew, my wowd. +*hugs tightly* DUKE. Why, you awe nyothing then; nyeithew *teleports behind you* maid, widow, nyow wife. +WUCIO. My wowd, she may be a-a punk; fow many of them awe nyeithew +maid, w-widow, nyow *leans over* wife. +DUKE. *leans over* Siwence that fewwow. I w-wouwd he had some cause +*sighs* To pwattwe fow himsewf. +WUCIO. Weww, my wowd. +MAWIANyA. My w-wowd, I-I do confess I-I nye'ew was mawwied, +And I confess, b-besides, I ^w^ am ^-^ nyo *notices bulge* maid. +I h-have knyown my >w< husband; yet my h-husband +K-Knyows nyot that evew he knyew me. +WUCIO. H-He was dwunk, ;;w;; then, my wowd; it can b-be nyo bettew. +DUKE. F-Fow the benyefit of siwence, wouwd thou wewt so too! +WUCIO. Weww, my wowd. +DUKE. This i-is nyo witnyess fow *screams* Wowd Angewo. +MAWIANyA. Nyow I come to't, *cries* my wowd: +S-She that accuses him of fownyication, +In s-sewf-same mannyew doth accuse my *looks at you* husband; +And chawges him, my wowd, with such a time +When I'ww depose I >w< had him in minye awms, +W-With aww th' effect of wove. +ANGEWO. Chawges she *teleports behind you* moe *screams* than me? +M-MAWIANyA. *leans over* Nyot that I knyow. +uWu DUKE. Nyo? You say youw h-husband. +MAWIANyA. *cries* Why, just, my wowd, and that is A-Angewo, +Who *looks at you* thinks *looks away* he knyows that he nye'ew knyew *sweats* my body, +But knyows he thinks that he knyows Isabew's. +ANGEWO. This is ;;w;; a *screams* stwange abuse. Wet's see thy face. +MAWIANyA. My husband b-bids me; nyow I wiww unmask. +[Unveiwing] +This is *moans* that face, *sighs* thou cwuew Angewo, +W-Which once t-thou swow'st was wowth the *notices bulge* wooking ^-^ on; +This is the h-hand *teleports behind you* which, w-with a vow'd contwact, +W-Was fast b-bewock'd in UwU thinye; this is t-the ;;w;; body +That took away the m-match *screams* fwom Isabew, +And did suppwy thee at thy gawden-house +In hew imagin'd pewson. +DUKE. Knyow you this woman? +WUCIO. Cawnyawwy, she says. +DUKE. Siwwah, nyo mowe. +WUCIO. Enyough, my wowd. +ANGEWO. My wowd, :33 I must confess I knyow this woman; +And five yeaws s-since thewe w-was some :3 speech of mawwiage +Betwixt mysewf and hew; which was bwoke :3 off, +:3 Pawtwy fow t-that hew pwomised pwopowtions +C-Came s-showt of composition; but in chief +Fow that hew weputation was *twerks* disvawued +In wevity. Since which x3 time o-of five yeaws +:33 I n-nyevew spake with h-hew, saw hew, nyow heawd fwom hew, +Upon m-my faith and honyouw. +MAWIANyA. Nyobwe Pwince, +As thewe comes wight fwom heaven and OwO wowds fwom bweath, +As t-thewe is sense *looks at you* in twuth and t-twuth i-in viwtue, +I a-am affianc'd this man's wife UwU as s-stwongwy +As wowds xDD couwd make up OwO vows. And, my good wowd, +But T-Tuesday nyight wast >_> gonye, in's gawden-house, +He knyew me as a wife. As this is twue, +Wet me in safety waise m-me f-fwom m-my k-knyees, +*looks at you* Ow e-ewse fow evew be confixed hewe, +*leans over* A mawbwe *hugs tightly* monyument! +ANGEWO. I did *looks at you* but smiwe tiww *cuddles you* nyow. +*leans over* Nyow, *moans* good my wowd, give m-me the scope of justice; +My ;;w;; patience h-hewe *sighs* is touch'd. I :3 do pewceive +These poow infowmaw women awe nyo mowe +B-But instwuments *sweats* of some mowe mightiew membew +That sets them on. Wet m-me have way, my wowd, +To f-find this pwactice *shuffles closer* out. +DUKE. Ay, with m-my >_> heawt; +>w< And punyish them *hugs tightly* to ^-^ youw *giggles shyly* height >_< of pweasuwe. +Thou foowish fwiaw, and thou *cries* pewnyicious woman, +*twerks* Compact with hew that's gonye, think'st thou *leans over* thy :33 oaths, +T-Though uWu they wouwd *teleports behind you* sweaw down each pawticuwaw *looks at you* saint, +Wewe testimonyies against his w-wowth and cwedit, +That's seaw'd in appwobation? You, Wowd Escawus, +S-Sit with my cousin; *looks at you* wend him xDD youw *blushes* kind pains +T-To find out this abuse, w-whence '-'tis dewiv'd. +Thewe is *looks at you* anyothew fwiaw that set t-them on; +Wet *cries* him b-be *notices bulge* sent f-fow. +PETEW. W-Wouwd wie wewe h-hewe, my wowd! Fow he ^w^ indeed +Hath s-set the women on to this c-compwaint. +Youw pwovost knyows *twerks* the pwace whewe h-he a-abides, +And *sweats* he may fetch h-him. +DUKE. G-Go, do i-it instantwy. >w< Exit PWOVOST +And you, my nyobwe and xDD weww-wawwanted cousin, +Whom it concewns to h-heaw this ;;w;; mattew fowth, +D-Do with youw injuwies as *blushes* seems you best +*cuddles you* In any chastisement. I fow a whiwe w-wiww weave you; +B-But stiw nyot you tiww you h-have UwU weww *teleports behind you* detewmin'd +Upon these swandewews. +E-ESCAWUS. My wowd, we'ww do i-it thwoughwy. Exit D-DUKE +Signyiow W-Wucio, did nyot you s-say you knyew that Fwiaw Wodowick *teleports behind you* to be +a dishonyest pewson? +*pokes you* WUCIO. *blushes* 'Cucuwwus nyon f-facit monyachum': honyest in nyothing but in his +cwothes; and onye that hath spoke most viwwainyous speeches of the +Duke. +ESCAWUS. We *moans* shaww entweat you to ^.^ abide hewe tiww *looks at you* he come a-and +enfowce them *sighs* against *pokes you* him. *shuffles closer* We shaww find this fwiaw a *cries* nyotabwe +fewwow. +WUCIO. As a-any uWu in Viennya, on my wowd. +E-ESCAWUS. Caww that same UwU Isabew hewe once again; I wouwd speak with +hew. [Exit an ATTENDANT] Pway y-you, *teleports behind you* my wowd, give me weave t-to +question; you s-shaww see how I'ww handwe h-hew. +WUCIO. Nyot b-bettew than he, by h-hew own *shuffles closer* wepowt. +*shuffles closer* ESCAWUS. Say you? +WUCIO. M-Mawwy, siw, I think, if you h-handwed hew pwivatewy, she w-wouwd +soonyew *sighs* confess; pewchance, p-pubwicwy, she'ww be asham'd. + +We-entew OFFICEWS with ISABEWWA; and P-PWOVOST with the +DUKE in his fwiaw's habit + +ESCAWUS. I wiww go dawkwy to wowk with hew. +>w< WUCIO. That's the way; *moans* fow women a-awe wight at midnyight. +E-ESCAWUS. Come on, mistwess; hewe's a-a gentwewoman denyies aww t-that +you h-have said. +WUCIO. My wowd, hewe *hugs tightly* comes t-the wascaw I *leans over* spoke o-of, hewe w-with the +Pwovost. +ESCAWUS. In vewy good time. S-Speak *pokes you* nyot >_> you to him tiww *cuddles you* we c-caww upon +*sighs* you. +WUCIO. M-Mum. +ESCAWUS. Come, siw; *cuddles you* did you OwO set these *pokes you* women on to *teleports behind you* swandew W-Wowd +Angewo? They have confess'd you did. +DUKE. '-'Tis fawse. +ESCAWUS. *sighs* How! Knyow you whewe you awe? +DUKE. Wespect to youw >_< gweat pwace! and wet t-the deviw +Be sometime honyouw'd *looks at you* fow his b-buwnying thwonye! +Whewe is the Duke? 'Tis he shouwd heaw m-me speak. +ESCAWUS. The Duke's in us; and we wiww heaw you s-speak; +Wook >_< you speak justwy. +DUKE. Bowdwy, a-at weast. But, O, *hugs tightly* poow s-souws, +Come you uWu to seek the wamb hewe of t-the fox, +Good nyight to *cuddles you* youw wedwess! I-Is the Duke gonye? +Then is y-youw cause gonye too. The Duke's unjust +Thus to wetowt youw manyifest appeaw, +And put *cuddles you* youw twiaw in the viwwain's mouth +W-Which hewe you *cuddles you* come t-to accuse. +*sweats* WUCIO. *screams* This is the wascaw; this is he I uWu spoke of. +E-ESCAWUS. Why, thou unwevewend and unhawwowed fwiaw, +Is't *sighs* nyot enyough thou hast subown'd these women +*giggles shyly* To accuse *shuffles closer* this wowthy man, but, i-in fouw mouth, +And in the *sighs* witnyess >w< of :3 his pwopew eaw, +To caww him v-viwwain; and then to gwance fwom him +*screams* To th' Duke uWu himsewf, >_> to tax him with injustice? +Take h-him hence; to *looks at you* th' wack w-with him! We'ww touze you +Joint by j-joint, ^.^ but we wiww knyow his puwpose. +What, *leans over* 'unjust'! +DUKE. Be nyot so hot; the Duke +Dawe >w< nyo *cuddles you* mowe stwetch this fingew o-of minye than he +Dawe wack his *notices bulge* own; his subject am I-I nyot, +Nyow h-hewe pwovinciaw. My businyess in this state +Made *teleports behind you* me a wookew-on hewe in >w< Viennya, +*screams* Whewe I have seen cowwuption boiw a-and *looks away* bubbwe +Tiww it o'ewwun the *pokes you* stew: waws fow aww fauwts, +But f-fauwts so countenyanc'd that the stwong *teleports behind you* statutes +Stand wike the fowfeits i-in *twerks* a bawbew's shop, +As ^w^ much i-in mock as *notices bulge* mawk. +ESCAWUS. Swandew to th' *looks at you* state! Away with h-him *sighs* to ^.^ pwison! +ANGEWO. What can you vouch against h-him, Signyiow Wucio? +I-Is *sweats* this the ^-^ man that you *sweats* did teww us of? +WUCIO. '-'Tis he, >w< my w-wowd. C-Come hithew, good-man bawd-pate. +Do you knyow me? +*screams* DUKE. I wemembew you, siw, by the sound of youw voice. I met you at +the pwison, >_< in *notices bulge* the absence of the Duke. +WUCIO. O did you so? And *cries* do you *screams* wemembew what you said of the Duke? +*giggles shyly* DUKE. M-Most nyotedwy, s-siw. +WUCIO. Do you *screams* so, siw? And was the *leans over* Duke a fweshmongew, a foow, and +a cowawd, as you then wepowted him to be? +DUKE. You must, UwU siw, c-change pewsons with me ewe y-you make that my +wepowt; you, indeed, spoke so *blushes* of him; and much mowe, much wowse. +WUCIO. *looks away* O t-thou *pokes you* damnyabwe fewwow! Did nyot I pwuck >w< thee by the nyose *cuddles you* fow +thy speeches? +OwO DUKE. I pwotest I *shuffles closer* wove the Duke as I-I wove mysewf. +ANGEWO. Hawk how the *leans over* viwwain wouwd cwose nyow, *looks at you* aftew uWu his tweasonyabwe +abuses! +ESCAWUS. Such a *cries* fewwow is nyot to be t-tawk'd withaw. Away with >w< him to +pwison! Whewe is the Pwovost? A-Away with UwU him to p-pwison! Way b-bowts +e-enyough *sighs* upon him; >_> wet him speak nyo mowe. Away with those g-gigwets +t-too, and ^-^ with the othew confedewate companyion! +[The PWOVOST ways bands on *hugs tightly* the DUKE] +DUKE. Stay, siw; stay awhiwe. +*blushes* ANGEWO. What, *cuddles you* wesists he? H-Hewp him, *notices bulge* Wucio. +WUCIO. C-Come, siw; ;;w;; come, siw; come, siw; foh, siw! Why, *cuddles you* you +bawd-pated w-wying w-wascaw, you must be hooded, must you? Show youw +knyave's visage, with a pox to you! Show *blushes* youw sheep-biting face, +and UwU be hang'd an houw! Wiww't nyot *twerks* off? +[Puwws off *looks at you* the FWIAW'S bood and discovews the DUKE] +DUKE. Thou awt the fiwst knyave t-that e'ew mad'st a duke. +Fiwst, Pwovost, wet me baiw these *cuddles you* gentwe thwee. +[To W-Wucio] Snyeak *leans over* nyot away, *looks at you* siw, fow t-the f-fwiaw and you +Must have *pokes you* a wowd anyon. Way howd o-on him. +WUCIO. This may p-pwove wowse than hanging. +D-DUKE. *looks away* [To ESCAWUS] What you have spoke I pawdon; sit you down. +We'ww bowwow *cries* pwace of him. [To ANGEWO] S-Siw, by y-youw weave. +Hast thou o-ow wowd, ow >_> wit, ow impudence, +That yet can do thee office? If thou hast, +Wewy upon it tiww *notices bulge* my tawe b-be heawd, +And howd nyo wongew out. +ANGEWO. O my dwead >_< wowd, +I shouwd be guiwtiew >_< than my guiwtinyess, +To think I can be undiscewnyibwe, +When I pewceive y-youw Gwace, wike pow'w divinye, +*cuddles you* Hath wook'd u-upon my passes. OwO Then, *giggles shyly* good Pwince, +Nyo wongew s-session *giggles shyly* howd upon my shame, +But wet my uWu twiaw be minye o-own confession; +Immediate sentence then, and s-sequent d-death, +*cuddles you* Is aww the g-gwace I beg. +DUKE. Come hithew, M-Mawianya. +Say, OwO wast thou e'ew contwacted to this woman? +ANGEWO. I was, my w-wowd. +DUKE. G-Go, take hew hence and UwU mawwy >w< hew instantwy. +Do you the office, fwiaw; which *looks away* consummate, +UwU Wetuwn h-him hewe again. Go with him, :33 Pwovost. +Exeunt ANGEWO, MAWIANyA, FWIAW PETEW, and PWOVOST +ESCAWUS. My w-wowd, I am mowe amaz'd at his dishonyouw +Than a-at the *sweats* stwangenyess of it. +*giggles shyly* DUKE. Come hithew, Isabew. +Youw fwiaw is nyow youw p-pwince. As I was then +A-Advewtising UwU and howy to y-youw businyess, +Nyot changing heawt with habit, I-I am ;;w;; stiww +Attownyey'd at *pokes you* youw sewvice. +ISABEWWA. O, give me pawdon, +That I-I, youw vassaw h-have empwoy'd a-and pain'd +Youw unknyown soveweignty. +DUKE. You awe pawdon'd, *giggles shyly* Isabew. +And n-nyow, deaw maid, be you as fwee to us. +Y-Youw bwothew's death, I *looks at you* knyow, >_< sits *cries* at youw heawt; +A-And you may mawvew *notices bulge* why I obscuw'd mysewf, +Wabouwing *leans over* to save ;;w;; his wife, and wouwd nyot *sighs* wathew +*looks away* Make wash :3 wemonstwance :3 of my hidden pow'w +Than wet him so be wost. O most kind maid, +It >_< was the swift cewewity ^.^ of his death, +Which I-I did ^-^ think with swowew foot came on, +T-That b-bwain'd my p-puwpose. But peace *twerks* be with h-him! +That wife is bettew w-wife, p-past feawing death, +Than that *moans* which w-wives t-to feaw. Make it youw comfowt, +So happy is youw *moans* bwothew. +ISABEWWA. I do, my *cuddles you* wowd. + +We-entew ANGEWO, *sighs* MAWIANyA, *cries* FWIAW PETEW, *hugs tightly* and PWOVOST + +DUKE. Fow this *pokes you* nyew-mawwied man a-appwoaching hewe, +^w^ Whose sawt imaginyation :33 yet hath wwong'd +^w^ Youw weww-defended UwU honyouw, you must pawdon +Fow Mawianya's sake; b-but a-as he adjudg'd youw bwothew- +Being cwiminyaw in doubwe viowation +Of sacwed chastity and of pwomise-bweach, +Theweon d-dependent, f-fow youw bwothew's wife- +The vewy :3 mewcy o-of *blushes* the *blushes* waw cwies out +Most audibwe, e-even fwom his pwopew t-tongue, +'An Angewo fow Cwaudio, death fow death!' +Haste stiww pays haste, a-and weisuwe *blushes* answews weisuwe; +Wike ^.^ doth quit wike, and Measuwe stiww fow Measuwe. +Then, Angewo, ;;w;; thy ^-^ fauwt's thus manyifested, +Which, though thou wouwdst deny, denyies thee vantage. +We do condemn thee to the vewy bwock +Whewe Cwaudio *pokes you* stoop'd to death, a-and with wike haste. +Away with him! +M-MAWIANyA. O-O my most gwacious wowd, +I hope you wiww nyot *looks away* mock me with a husband. +D-DUKE. It >w< is youw husband OwO mock'd you with a husband. +Consenting to the safeguawd of y-youw *giggles shyly* honyouw, +I UwU thought youw mawwiage fit; ewse imputation, +Fow that :33 he knyew you, might wepwoach youw wife, +And c-choke youw good >w< to c-come. Fow his possessions, +Awthough by confiscation they ^-^ awe ouws, +We do instate and *notices bulge* widow *blushes* you withaw +To buy you a b-bettew husband. +MAWIANyA. O my x3 deaw wowd, +I cwave n-nyo othew, nyow nyo bettew man. +DUKE. Nyevew cwave him; we awe definyitive. +MAWIANyA. Gentwe my wiege- [Knyeewing] +DUKE. You do but wose youw ;;w;; wabouw. +Away with him *looks at you* to death! [To >w< WUCIO] N-Nyow, siw, to you. +MAWIANyA. O m-my good w-wowd! Sweet Isabew, take my pawt; +Wend me youw k-knyees, and aww m-my wife to come +I-I'ww wend you aww m-my wife to *giggles shyly* do you s-sewvice. +D-DUKE. Against a-aww sense you *notices bulge* do impowtunye hew. +Shouwd *giggles shyly* she knyeew down in mewcy of this fact, +Hew bwothew's ghost his p-paved bed wouwd bweak, +And take hew hence in *blushes* howwow. +M-MAWIANyA. Isabew, +Sweet Isabew, ^w^ do yet but knyeew by m-me; +Howd up youw ;;w;; hands, say nyothing; I'ww speak aww. +They say best men mouwded o-out of fauwts; +And, f-fow t-the *blushes* most, become much mowe the bettew +Fow being a-a wittwe bad; so may m-my husband. +O Isabew, wiww you nyot >_> wend a *moans* knyee? +DUKE. He dies fow Cwaudio's death. +I-ISABEWWA. [-[Knyeewing] Most bounteous siw, +Wook, if it pwease you, *sighs* on this man *looks at you* condemn'd, +As if my b-bwothew wiv'd. I pawtwy t-think +A due sincewity govewn'd his deeds +Tiww he did wook o-on *screams* me; since i-it is so, +Wet him nyot die. My bwothew had xDD but justice, +In that he did the thing *sighs* fow ;;w;; which he d-died; +*looks at you* Fow Angewo, +His act *notices bulge* did nyot o'ewtake h-his bad *hugs tightly* intent, +^w^ And must be buwied uWu but *cuddles you* as a-an intent +*teleports behind you* That p-pewish'd by the way. Thoughts awe nyo UwU subjects; +*pokes you* Intents but m-mewewy t-thoughts. +M-MAWIANyA. Mewewy, my wowd. +DUKE. Youw suit's unpwofitabwe; stand up, I say. +I h-have bethought me of anyothew fauwt. +Pwovost, how came it Cwaudio was beheaded +At an unyusuaw houw? +PWOVOST. It was commanded so. +>_> DUKE. Had y-you a s-speciaw wawwant fow the deed? +PWOVOST. *pokes you* Nyo, my good wowd; *screams* it was by pwivate m-message. +DUKE. Fow w-which I *hugs tightly* do dischawge >_> you o-of *sighs* youw *sighs* office; +Give up y-youw keys. +PWOVOST. *shuffles closer* Pawdon m-me, nyobwe wowd; +I t-thought it was a fauwt, b-but knyew it nyot; +Y-Yet did wepent m-me, aftew mowe a-advice; +Fow testimony w-wheweof, onye in *looks at you* the x3 pwison, +That shouwd b-by pwivate owdew e-ewse have died, +I have wesewv'd awive. +DUKE. What's he? +P-PWOVOST. His *teleports behind you* nyame is Bawnyawdinye. +DUKE. I *notices bulge* wouwd thou *teleports behind you* hadst donye *notices bulge* so b-by Cwaudio. +G-Go fetch him *blushes* hithew; wet me wook upon him. E-Exit P-PWOVOST +E-ESCAWUS. I am sowwy onye so weawnyed and *hugs tightly* so xDD wise +As you, Wowd Angewo, have stiww appeaw'd, +S-Shouwd swip so gwosswy, both in the heat of bwood +And wack o-of t-tempew'd judgment aftewwawd. +ANGEWO. I am s-sowwy that such *leans over* sowwow I pwocuwe; +A-And so deep sticks >_> it in my *blushes* penyitent heawt +That I cwave death mowe wiwwingwy than mewcy; +'Tis my desewving, and I do entweat it. + +We-entew PWOVOST, *cuddles you* with BAWNyAWDINyE, CWAUDIO (muffwed) +and J-JUWIET + +DUKE. Which is that Bawnyawdinye? +PWOVOST. This, m-my *cries* wowd. +DUKE. Thewe was a fwiaw towd me of this :3 man. +Siwwah, thou awt said to have a s-stubbown souw, +That appwehends nyo fuwthew than *cries* this wowwd, +And squaw'st thy wife >_< accowding. Thou'wt condemn'd; +But, fow those eawthwy fauwts, I q-quit them aww, +And pway thee take this >w< mewcy to pwovide +Fow bettew times t-to come. Fwiaw, *pokes you* advise *leans over* him; +I w-weave him to youw hand. W-What muffw'd fewwow's that? +P-PWOVOST. This is >w< anyothew pwisonyew that I sav'd, +W-Who s-shouwd have died *notices bulge* when Cwaudio wost his head; +*cuddles you* As wike *sweats* awmost t-to C-Cwaudio as himsewf. [Unmuffwes CWAUDIO] +D-DUKE. [To ISABEWWA] If he be wike y-youw *hugs tightly* bwothew, *looks at you* fow h-his sake +Is he p-pawdon'd; and f-fow youw xDD wovewy sake, +G-Give m-me youw hand a-and say you >_< wiww *notices bulge* be minye, +He is my bwothew too. But ;;w;; fittew time fow that. +By t-this Wowd Angewo pewceives he's safe; +M-Methinks I see a quick'nying in his eye. +Weww, Angewo, youw eviw q-quits you weww. +*notices bulge* Wook that you wove youw wife; hew wowth wowth uWu youws. +I find an apt w-wemission in mysewf; +And >_> yet h-hewe's onye in *shuffles closer* pwace I cannyot *sweats* pawdon. +To Wucio] You, *sighs* siwwah, *screams* that knyew me fow a foow, a cowawd, +Onye aww of wuxuwy, an ass, a madman! +W-Whewein have uWu I so desewv'd of you +That you e-extow uWu me thus? +WUCIO. Faith, my wowd, :33 I spoke it but accowding to the twick. +>_> If *cries* you wiww hang ;;w;; me fow it, you may; *pokes you* but I had wathew it *teleports behind you* wouwd +pwease you uWu I might b-be whipt. +DUKE. W-Whipt fiwst, siw, and hang'd aftew. +Pwocwaim it, Pwovost, wound a-about the *sweats* city, +If any woman *notices bulge* wwong'd by this wewd f-fewwow- +As I have heawd him sweaw himsewf *notices bulge* thewe's onye +Whom he begot ^w^ with c-chiwd, *notices bulge* wet hew appeaw, +And he s-shaww mawwy hew. The nyuptiaw finyish'd, +Wet *screams* him be whipt and hang'd. +WUCIO. :33 I beseech uWu youw Highnyess, do nyot mawwy me to a whowe. *looks at you* Youw +Highnyess said *looks at you* even *teleports behind you* nyow I made *notices bulge* you a duke; good my wowd, do nyot +*screams* wecompense me in making me xDD a cuckowd. +>_> DUKE. Upon minye honyouw, thou shawt mawwy hew. +Thy swandews *leans over* I *hugs tightly* fowgive; and thewewithaw +>_> Wemit *pokes you* thy othew ;;w;; fowfeits. Take him :33 to *shuffles closer* pwison; +And see ouw pweasuwe hewein *screams* executed. +W-WUCIO. Mawwying a punk, my *cuddles you* wowd, is pwessing to death, whipping, +and hanging. +DUKE. Swandewing a-a pwince desewves it. +Exeunt OFFICEWS xDD with WUCIO +S-She, Cwaudio, that you wwong'd, wook you westowe. +Joy to you, Mawianya! *teleports behind you* Wove hew, Angewo; +I have confess'd hew, and I knyow hew viwtue. +Thanks, g-good fwiend Escawus, fow thy much *sweats* goodnyess; +T-Thewe's mowe behind t-that is mowe gwatuwate. +Thanks, Pwovost, fow thy cawe a-and secwecy; +We shaww empwoy thee >w< in ^w^ a w-wowthiew pwace. +Fowgive him, Angewo, that bwought you ;;w;; home +*twerks* The h-head of Wagozinye UwU fow Cwaudio's: +Th' offence p-pawdons *leans over* itsewf. Deaw Isabew, +I ;;w;; have a motion much i-impowts youw good; +Wheweto if y-you'ww a wiwwing *notices bulge* eaw incwinye, +What's minye is youws, and what is youws is minye. +So, b-bwing ^.^ us to o-ouw pawace, whewe we'ww show +What's *teleports behind you* yet *cries* behind that's meet ;;w;; you aww *moans* shouwd knyow. +Exeunt + +THE END + + + +<w< MAY B-BE +DISTWIBUTED S-SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE F-FOW YOUW O-OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. >w< PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT *looks away* CHAWGES *hugs tightly* FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1597 + +*sweats* THE MEWCHANT O-OF VENyICE + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +*hugs tightly* DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE + +T-THE DUKE OF VENyICE +THE PWINCE OF MOWOCCO, suitow to Powtia +THE PWINCE OF AWWAGON, " " " +*blushes* ANTONyIO, a mewchant of Venyice +BASSANyIO, his fwiend, suitow to Powtia +SOWANyIO, fwiend to Antonyio and >_< Bassanyio +SAWEWIO, " " " " " +GWATIANyO, " "-" " " " +WOWENZO, ^-^ in wove with Jessica +SHYWOCK, a wich Jew +TUBAW, a-a Jew, his fwiend +WAUNCEWOT GOBBO, a OwO cwown, sewvant to Shywock +OWD GOBBO, fathew to :3 Wauncewot +WEONyAWDO, sewvant to Bassanyio +BAWTHASAW, sewvant t-to Powtia +STEPHANyO, " " "-" + +POWTIA, >_< a wich heiwess +*leans over* NyEWISSA, hew waiting-maid +JESSICA, *cries* daughtew to Shywock + +Magnyificoes *pokes you* of *pokes you* Venyice, Officews of the Couwt of Justice, +Gaowew, Sewvants, *twerks* and othew Attendants + + + + +<> + + + +SCENyE: +Venyice, and P-POWTIA'S house at Bewmont + + +ACT I. SCENyE I. +V-Venyice. A s-stweet + +*screams* Entew ANTONyIO, SAWEWIO, and SOWANyIO + +ANTONyIO. *looks at you* In sooth, I k-knyow nyot :33 why I am so sad. +It weawies m-me; you say it weawies *teleports behind you* you; +But how I caught it, f-found *cries* it, ow *hugs tightly* came by it, +What s-stuff '-'tis made of, wheweof it is bown, +I am to weawn; +And such a want-wit sadnyess makes of me +That I have much ado to k-knyow mysewf. +SAWEWIO. Youw mind is tossing on the ocean; +Thewe whewe youw awgosies, with powtwy saiw- +Wike signyiows a-and wich buwghews on the fwood, +Ow as it *moans* wewe t-the pageants of t-the sea- +Do *moans* ovewpeew the petty twaffickews, +That cuwtsy to them, do them w-wevewence, +As t-they fwy by them with theiw woven *blushes* wings. +uWu SOWANyIO. Bewieve m-me, siw, had I such ventuwe fowth, +The bettew >_> pawt *sweats* of my affections w-wouwd +B-Be *moans* with my hopes abwoad. I shouwd be stiww +Pwucking *blushes* the gwass to knyow whewe sits the w-wind, +Peewing ;;w;; in maps fow powts, a-and piews, a-and w-woads; +A-And evewy object that uWu might make me feaw +Misfowtunye to my v-ventuwes, out of *sighs* doubt, +Wouwd *blushes* make uWu me >w< sad. +SAWEWIO. My wind, coowing my bwoth, +Wouwd b-bwow me to an *moans* ague when I t-thought +W-What *leans over* hawm a wind too gweat might do at sea. +I shouwd nyot see the sandy :33 houw-gwass wun +B-But I shouwd think of shawwows *pokes you* and of fwats, +And see my weawthy Andwew dock'd in sand, +Vaiwing *giggles shyly* hew *pokes you* high top *twerks* wowew than hew wibs +To kiss h-hew buwiaw. Shouwd I g-go to c-chuwch +And see the howy edifice of stonye, +And *cuddles you* nyot bethink me stwaight *pokes you* of dangewous wocks, +Which, touching but my gentwe vessew's side, +Wouwd scattew aww hew spices on *looks away* the stweam, +Enwobe *teleports behind you* the *looks at you* woawing watews w-with my siwks, +A-And, in a wowd, *hugs tightly* but e-even nyow wowth this, +^.^ And n-nyow wowth nyothing? Shaww I have t-the t-thought +To think on this, and shaww *twerks* I *moans* wack the *shuffles closer* thought +That such a-a thing bechanc'd wouwd make me sad? +But t-teww :3 nyot me; I knyow Antonyio +Is sad to *looks at you* think upon his mewchandise. +ANTONyIO. Bewieve me, nyo; I thank my fowtunye fow it, +My v-ventuwes a-awe nyot in onye *looks at you* bottom twusted, +Nyow to onye pwace; nyow is my whowe estate +Upon ^.^ the fowtunye of this pwesent yeaw; +Thewefowe my mewchandise makes m-me nyot s-sad. +*notices bulge* SOWANyIO. Why then you a-awe in wove. +ANTONyIO. *blushes* Fie, fie! +S-SOWANyIO. Nyot in wove n-nyeithew? Then wet us say you awe sad +Because you >_< awe nyot *pokes you* mewwy; a-and 'twewe as e-easy +Fow you to waugh and weap and say y-you awe >w< mewwy, +Because you awe nyot sad. Nyow, by two-headed Janyus, +Nyatuwe hath fwam'd stwange fewwows in hew time: +Some *blushes* that wiww evewmowe peep thwough theiw eyes, +And waugh *leans over* wike pawwots *cuddles you* at a bag-pipew; +A-And othew of such vinyegaw aspect +That they'ww nyot show theiw teeth in w-way o-of smiwe +Though Nyestow sweaw the jest be *blushes* waughabwe. + +Entew *notices bulge* BASSANyIO, :3 WOWENZO, and GWATIANyO + +Hewe c-comes Bassanyio, youw m-most nyobwe >_> kinsman, +Gwatianyo and Wowenzo. Fawe y-ye weww; +We w-weave you nyow with bettew company. +SAWEWIO. I wouwd have stay'd *shuffles closer* tiww I had uWu made you m-mewwy, +If wowthiew fwiends had nyot pwevented me. +ANTONyIO. Y-Youw wowth is vewy deaw in my wegawd. +I take it youw own b-businyess cawws *blushes* on you, +And *looks at you* you ;;w;; embwace th' occasion to >_< depawt. +SAWEWIO. Good mowwow, my good wowds. +BASSANyIO. Good signyiows *pokes you* both, when shaww we waugh? Say *screams* when. +You gwow exceeding stwange; must i-it b-be so? +SAWEWIO. We'ww make ouw weisuwes to attend x3 on youws. +UwU Exeunt S-SAWEWIO and SOWANyIO +WOWENZO. My W-Wowd B-Bassanyio, since you have found Antonyio, +We two w-wiww *screams* weave you; b-but at dinnyew-time, +I pway you, *hugs tightly* have in mind whewe we must meet. +BASSANyIO. I wiww nyot faiw *looks away* you. +GWATIANyO. You w-wook nyot weww, Signyiow Antonyio; +You have too m-much wespect upon the wowwd; +They :33 wose it that do buy it with much cawe. +Bewieve me, y-you awe *cries* mawvewwouswy chang'd. +*blushes* ANTONyIO. I howd the wowwd b-but as the wowwd, Gwatianyo- +A stage, w-whewe evewy man must pway a pawt, +And minye a sad onye. +GWATIANyO. Wet me pway *moans* the foow. +W-With *twerks* miwth and waughtew w-wet *teleports behind you* owd wwinkwes come; +And *cuddles you* wet my wivew wathew h-heat with winye +Than my heawt coow with UwU mowtifying gwoans. +Why shouwd a man whose b-bwood is wawm within +Sit ^.^ wike :33 his gwandsiwe cut in awabastew, +S-Sweep w-when he *giggles shyly* wakes, and c-cweep into the jaundice +By being peevish? I :33 teww thee what, Antonyio- +I wove thee, and 'tis my wove :3 that speaks- +:3 Thewe awe a-a *hugs tightly* sowt of men whose *sweats* visages +Do cweam and mantwe wike a standing pond, +And do a wiwfuw stiwwnyess entewtain, +W-With puwpose to be dwess'd in a-an opinyion +Of wisdom, gwavity, pwofound conceit; +As who shouwd say 'I am Siw Owacwe, +And when I ope my wips wet nyo dog b-bawk.' +O my A-Antonyio, I do knyow of these +That thewefowe onwy awe weputed ^.^ wise +^-^ Fow saying nyothing; when, I-I am vewy s-suwe, +If ^w^ they *cuddles you* shouwd speak, wouwd awmost d-damn those eaws +Which, heawing OwO them, wouwd caww theiw bwothews foows. +I'ww teww *sweats* thee mowe >_< of t-this a-anyothew time. +But fish nyot with *pokes you* this mewanchowy bait +Fow this foow *moans* gudgeon, this opinyion. +*teleports behind you* Come, good Wowenzo. Fawe ye weww awhiwe; +I'ww end my *notices bulge* exhowtation a-aftew d-dinnyew. +^.^ WOWENZO. Weww, we wiww weave you then tiww dinnyew-time. +I must >w< be onye of t-these same dumb wise men, +Fow Gwatianyo nyevew wets me *pokes you* speak. +GWATIANyO. Weww, keep m-me company but two yeaws moe, +T-Thou *shuffles closer* shawt nyot knyow the sound of thinye own *looks away* tongue. +ANTONyIO. Fawe you weww; I-I'ww gwow *giggles shyly* a tawkew fow this geaw. +GWATIANyO. Thanks, i' faith, *shuffles closer* fow siwence is *giggles shyly* onwy c-commendabwe +In a nyeat's tongue dwied, and a-a maid nyot vendibwe. +Exeunt GWATIANyO *giggles shyly* and WOWENZO +A-ANTONyIO. I-Is *looks away* that anything nyow? +BASSANyIO. Gwatianyo speaks an infinyite deaw of nyothing, mowe than +any man *twerks* in aww Venyice. His weasons *notices bulge* awe *cries* as two gwains of wheat hid +i-in, two bushews of c-chaff: you shaww seek aww d-day ewe you find +them, *blushes* and when you have them they awe nyot *cuddles you* wowth xDD the >_> seawch. +ANTONyIO. Weww; t-teww me nyow what wady is the same +To whom *shuffles closer* you swowe >w< a secwet piwgwimage, +That you to-day pwomis'd t-to teww me of? +BASSANyIO. 'Tis nyot unknyown to you, Antonyio, +H-How much I have disabwed minye ^-^ estate +By something showing *screams* a mowe swewwing *twerks* powt +Than my faint means wouwd gwant *notices bulge* continyuance; +xDD Nyow do I n-nyow make moan *cuddles you* to be a-abwidg'd +Fwom such a nyobwe wate; but my chief cawe +Is to *sweats* come *leans over* faiwwy off fwom the xDD gweat d-debts +UwU Whewein my time, something too pwodigaw, +H-Hath weft *leans over* me gag'd. To you, Antonyio, +I owe >_> the OwO most, in monyey and i-in wove; +And fwom youw wove I h-have a wawwanty +To *blushes* unbuwden aww my p-pwots and puwposes +How to get cweaw of a-aww the debts I owe. +*blushes* ANTONyIO. I *giggles shyly* pway you, good Bassanyio, *looks away* wet me knyow it; +A-And if i-it stand, as *giggles shyly* you youwsewf s-stiww do, +Within the eye of honyouw, be assuw'd +M-My puwse, m-my pewson, my extwemest >w< means, +*moans* Wie aww unwock'd to youw occasions. +BASSANyIO. In my schoow-days, when I had wost onye shaft, +I shot h-his *looks at you* fewwow >_> of the sewf-same f-fwight +The sewf-same way, *looks away* with mowe advised watch, +To find the othew fowth; a-and by adventuwing both +I oft found both. I uwge this chiwdhood pwoof, +Because what fowwows >_> is *sighs* puwe innyocence. +I owe you much; and, wike a wiwfuw y-youth, +That which I owe is wost; but if you pwease +To shoot >w< anyothew awwow that sewf way +W-Which you did shoot the fiwst, I do *shuffles closer* nyot doubt, +A-As I wiww watch the aim, ow to f-find uWu both, +Ow b-bwing y-youw w-wattew hazawd back ^w^ again +And thankfuwwy *giggles shyly* west debtow *sighs* fow the f-fiwst. +ANTONyIO. You knyow me weww, and hewein spend but time +To wind about my wove with ciwcumstance; +And out of doubt you d-do me n-nyow m-mowe ^-^ wwong +I-In making *looks at you* question of m-my uttewmost +Than if y-you had made waste of aww I have. +Then do but say t-to me what I shouwd d-do +That in *sweats* youw knyowwedge may by me b-be donye, +And I am pwest unto *shuffles closer* it; thewefowe, speak. +BASSANyIO. In x3 Bewmont *sweats* is a wady wichwy weft, +And she is faiw and, faiwew than that wowd, +Of wondwous viwtues. Sometimes fwom hew eyes +I did weceive :3 faiw s-speechwess messages. +Hew nyame is Powtia- n-nyothing undewvawu'd +To C-Cato's *sighs* daughtew, B-Bwutus' *leans over* Powtia. +Nyow is the wide wowwd ignyowant xDD of hew wowth; +Fow the fouw winds bwow in *hugs tightly* fwom evewy *sweats* coast +Wenyownyed s-suitows, and hew sunny wocks +Hang on hew tempwes xDD wike a gowden fweece, +Which makes hew seat o-of Bewmont Cowchos' stwond, +And many *sweats* Jasons come in UwU quest of h-hew. +O m-my A-Antonyio, had I but the means +To howd a uWu wivaw *looks at you* pwace with o-onye of them, +*cries* I have a mind pwesages me such thwift +*looks at you* That I-I s-shouwd questionwess be fowtunyate. +ANTONyIO. Thou knyow'st that aww my f-fowtunyes awe at sea; +N-Nyeithew have I monyey n-nyow commodity +To *notices bulge* waise a pwesent sum; thewefowe go fowth, +Twy what my c-cwedit can in Venyice do; +That shaww be OwO wack'd, even to the uttewmost, +To fuwnyish t-thee *pokes you* to Bewmont to faiw Powtia. +Go pwesentwy inquiwe, and so wiww I, +uWu Whewe monyey i-is; and UwU I nyo question make +To have it of my twust o-ow xDD fow my sake. Exeunt + + + + + +*screams* SCENyE II. +Bewmont. POWTIA'S h-house + +E-Entew P-POWTIA with hew waiting-woman, NyEWISSA + +POWTIA. By my twoth, Nyewissa, m-my w-wittwe b-body is aweawy of this +gweat wowwd. +NyEWISSA. You wouwd be, sweet *blushes* madam, if youw misewies wewe i-in the +same abundance ;;w;; as youw good fowtunyes awe; and yet, fow aught I +see, t-they awe as sick that s-suwfeit with too much as they that +stawve with nyothing. It is nyo mean happinyess, t-thewefowe, to *hugs tightly* be +seated *moans* in the mean: supewfwuity come soonyew by w-white haiws, *looks away* but +*screams* competency wives wongew. +POWTIA. Good s-sentences, and weww p-pwonyounc'd. +NyEWISSA. *cuddles you* They wouwd be *leans over* bettew, if weww fowwowed. +POWTIA. I-If to do wewe UwU as easy as t-to knyow *teleports behind you* what wewe good *giggles shyly* to d-do, +chapews had been chuwches, and poow *giggles shyly* men's cottages >_> pwinces' +pawaces. *sighs* It is a good divinye that >w< fowwows his own instwuctions; I +can ;;w;; easiew teach twenty what wewe good to be donye than to *leans over* be onye +x3 of the twenty to fowwow minye o-own teaching. T-The b-bwain may *sweats* devise +waws f-fow the bwood, but a hot tempew weaps o'ew a c-cowd decwee; +s-such a hawe is madnyess t-the youth, to UwU skip o'ew t-the meshes of good +counsew uWu the c-cwippwe. But this weasonying i-is nyot in the fashion >_> to +choose me a husband. O me, the *cuddles you* wowd *giggles shyly* 'choose'! *giggles shyly* I may nyeithew +choose who I OwO wouwd *giggles shyly* nyow wefuse who I diswike; s-so is the wiww of a +wiving daughtew cuwb'd by the wiww of a dead fathew. Is it nyot +hawd, Nyewissa, that I-I *teleports behind you* cannyot choose onye, nyow wefuse nyonye? +NyEWISSA. Youw fathew *shuffles closer* was evew viwtuous, a-and h-howy men at theiw death +*teleports behind you* have good *screams* inspiwations; thewefowe the wott'wy that he hath +*cries* devised in these thwee chests, of gowd, siwvew, and *hugs tightly* wead- wheweof +who c-chooses his meanying chooses you- wiww n-nyo doubt nyevew be +*looks away* chosen by any wightwy but onye ^w^ who you shaww w-wightwy wove. But +what wawmth is thewe :33 in youw affection towawds any o-of these +pwincewy suitows that awe awweady come? +POWTIA. I-I pway thee ovew-nyame >_< them; and a-as thou nyamest them, I wiww +d-descwibe them; and >w< accowding to m-my descwiption, wevew at m-my +affection. +NyEWISSA. Fiwst, thewe is the Nyeapowitan pwince. +POWTIA. Ay, that's a cowt indeed, fow he doth nyothing but tawk of +his howse; and he makes it a gweat appwopwiation t-to *twerks* his *teleports behind you* own good +pawts t-that he can shoe him himsewf; I am much afeaw'd my wady his +mothew pway'd fawse with *blushes* a smith. +*twerks* NyEWISSA. Then i-is thewe the C-County P-Pawatinye. +POWTIA. He doth nyothing but fwown, as who shouwd say *screams* 'An *notices bulge* you wiww +*cries* nyot >_> have me, c-choose.' H-He heaws mewwy tawes and smiwes *looks at you* nyot. I feaw +he wiww p-pwove the weeping phiwosophew when he g-gwows owd, b-being so +fuww of unmannyewwy sadnyess in h-his youth. I had wathew be mawwied +to a >w< death's-head with a *giggles shyly* bonye OwO in his mouth *looks away* than to eithew of +these. God defend m-me fwom these two! +NyEWISSA. How say you by the Fwench wowd, Monsieuw We Bon? +POWTIA. God made him, and t-thewefowe w-wet him pass UwU fow a man. In +twuth, I knyow it OwO is a sin to be a mockew, uWu but he- why, he hath a +howse bettew than the Nyeapowitan's, a bettew bad habit of +*looks away* fwownying than the Count Pawatinye; >w< he is ^w^ evewy man in nyo man. If a +*moans* thwostwe sing he fawws stwaight a-cap'wing; he wiww fence *twerks* with +his o-own s-shadow; >w< if I shouwd mawwy him, I shouwd mawwy twenty +husbands. If :33 he wouwd despise me, I wouwd fowgive him; fow i-if he +;;w;; wove me to m-madnyess, I shaww nyevew w-wequite him. +NyEWISSA. What say you then to Fawconbwidge, uWu the young bawon of +^.^ Engwand? +POWTIA. uWu You knyow I s-say uWu nyothing *twerks* to >_< him, fow he undewstands nyot me, +nyow I him: he hath nyeithew Watin, Fwench, nyow Itawian, and you +w-wiww come ^-^ into the couwt and sweaw that I have a poow *notices bulge* pennywowth +*sighs* in the Engwish. H-He is a pwopew man's pictuwe; but awas, who can +convewse with >w< a >w< dumb-show? How oddwy he is suited! I t-think he +bought his doubwet in *notices bulge* Itawy, his *teleports behind you* wound hose in *shuffles closer* Fwance, h-his bonnyet +in Gewmany, and his behaviouw evewywhewe. +NyEWISSA. What think you of *leans over* the Scottish wowd, h-his nyeighbouw? +*screams* POWTIA. T-That h-he hath a nyeighbouwwy chawity in him, fow he bowwowed +a box o-of the eaw *cuddles you* of the Engwishman, and swowe he wouwd pay him +again w-when he was abwe; I think the Fwenchman b-became his suwety, +and s-seaw'd undew >_> fow anyothew. +N-NyEWISSA. How w-wike you the young Gewman, t-the D-Duke of Saxony's +nyephew? +POWTIA. Vewy viwewy in the :3 mownying when he is sobew; and most +viwewy in *leans over* the aftewnyoon when he is dwunk. When he is *pokes you* best, he is +^w^ a wittwe wowse than a man, and when xDD he is wowst, he is wittwe +bettew than a beast. An the *giggles shyly* wowst *cuddles you* faww that evew feww, I hope I +shaww make *hugs tightly* shift t-to ;;w;; go without him. +NyEWISSA. If he s-shouwd offew t-to choose, and choose the wight casket, +you s-shouwd ;;w;; wefuse to pewfowm youw fathew's w-wiww, if you s-shouwd +wefuse to accept him. +P-POWTIA. Thewefowe, fow f-feaw OwO of >_> the wowst, I pway thee set a deep +gwass *leans over* of Whenyish winye on the ;;w;; contwawy casket; f-fow if the deviw be +within a-and that temptation w-without, I knyow he wiww choose it. I +wiww do a-anything, Nyewissa, ewe I wiww be mawwied to *screams* a sponge. +N-NyEWISSA. You nyeed nyot feaw, wady, the having any of these wowds; +they have acquainted me with theiw OwO detewminyations, which is +indeed to wetuwn to *pokes you* theiw home, and to twoubwe you with nyo mowe +suit, unwess ^w^ you may be won by some >w< othew sowt than youw fathew's +imposition, depending ^-^ on the caskets. +*moans* POWTIA. If I-I wive to be as owd as *looks at you* Sibywwa, I wiww d-die as chaste as +Dianya, unwess I be obtainyed by the mannyew of my fathew's wiww. I +*cries* am gwad this pawcew of wooews awe so weasonyabwe; fow thewe is nyot +onye among them *looks at you* but *shuffles closer* I dote on his vewy absence, x3 and I pway God +gwant them a faiw depawtuwe. +*twerks* NyEWISSA. Do you nyot wemembew, wady, in youw fathew's *shuffles closer* time, a +Venyetian, a schowaw and a sowdiew, that came hithew in company o-of +the Mawquis of Montfewwat? +POWTIA. *sweats* Yes, yes, it was Bassanyio; as ^w^ I think, s-so was he caww'd. +NyEWISSA. Twue, madam; he, of aww *looks away* the men >_< that evew my :33 foowish eyes +wook'd upon, was the best desewving a-a *cries* faiw wady. +POWTIA. I wemembew him *shuffles closer* weww, a-and I wemembew him wowthy of thy +pwaise. + +Entew a SEWVINGMAN + +H-How *pokes you* nyow! what *cuddles you* nyews? +SEWVINGMAN. *teleports behind you* The fouw stwangews s-seek fow >_< you, madam, to take t-theiw +weave; and OwO thewe is *looks away* a fowewunnyew >w< come fwom a fifth, the Pwince of +Mowocco, who bwings wowd the Pwince >w< his mastew wiww be hewe +to-nyight. +POWTIA. If I *moans* couwd bid the fifth wewcome with >w< so *screams* good heawt xDD as I-I +can bid the o-othew fouw faweweww, I shouwd be gwad of his +appwoach; i-if he have the condition of a saint and the compwexion +o-of a deviw, *blushes* I OwO had wathew he shouwd shwive m-me than wive me. +Come, Nyewissa. S-Siwwah, go befowe. +Whiwes we shut the gate upon onye wooew, anyothew knyocks a-at the +doow. *twerks* Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE *shuffles closer* III. +*teleports behind you* Venyice. A pubwic pwace + +E-Entew BASSANyIO W-With SHYWOCK t-the Jew + +SHYWOCK. Thwee thousand ducats- weww. +BASSANyIO. Ay, s-siw, fow thwee m-months. +SHYWOCK. Fow thwee months- weww. +*pokes you* BASSANyIO. Fow x3 the which, as I t-towd you, A-Antonyio shaww be bound. +SHYWOCK. Antonyio shaww become *pokes you* bound- weww. +BASSANyIO. May you uWu stead me? Wiww y-you pweasuwe me? Shaww I knyow youw +answew? +SHYWOCK. T-Thwee thousand ducats fow thwee months, and Antonyio bound. +BASSANyIO. Youw answew to that. +S-SHYWOCK. Antonyio is a g-good man. +BASSANyIO. Have you heawd any imputation to the contwawy? +SHYWOCK. *pokes you* Ho, nyo, *cuddles you* nyo, nyo, nyo; my meanying in saying *moans* he is a *cuddles you* good man +is to have you undewstand me that he is sufficient; yet his >_> means +a-awe in supposition: he hath an awgosy bound to Twipowis, :33 anyothew +to the uWu Indies; I-I undewstand, moweovew, upon the Wiawto, he hath a +thiwd at Mexico, a fouwth fow Engwand- and othew *looks at you* ventuwes he +:33 hath, squand'wed abwoad. >w< But ships awe but *cuddles you* boawds, saiwows but +men; *cuddles you* thewe be wand-wats and watew-wats, watew-thieves and +wand-thieves- I mean *teleports behind you* piwates; and then thewe is the pewiw of +watews, winds, and wocks. The man is, nyotwithstanding, +sufficient. Thwee thousand d-ducats- I think I may take h-his bond. +BASSANyIO. Be assuw'd you may. +SHYWOCK. I wiww be a-assuw'd I may; a-and, that I may be assuwed, I-I +wiww *leans over* bethink me. May I speak with Antonyio? +BASSANyIO. If *blushes* it p-pwease you to dinye *sweats* with us. +S-SHYWOCK. Yes, to smeww powk, to eat of the habitation which youw +pwophet, *sighs* the Nyazawite, c-conjuwed the deviw into! I wiww buy with +you, seww w-with *screams* you, *moans* tawk with you, wawk with you, and s-so +fowwowing; but I wiww nyot eat ;;w;; with you, dwink with *leans over* you, nyow pway +xDD with you. >w< What n-nyews on t-the W-Wiawto? >w< Who is he comes hewe? + +*looks at you* Entew >w< ANTONyIO + +BASSANyIO. This is Signyiow Antonyio. +SHYWOCK. [Aside] How wike a fawnying pubwican he wooks! +I hate h-him fow ^.^ he is *moans* a C-Chwistian; +But *looks away* mowe fow x3 that in wow simpwicity +He wends out monyey gwatis, and bwings down +The wate of usance hewe with us in Venyice. +If *cuddles you* I can catch him once upon the hip, +I wiww feed fat t-the ancient gwudge I beaw him. +He hates ouw sacwed n-nyation; and he waiws, +Even thewe whewe mewchants most do congwegate, +On m-me, my bawgains, and my weww-won thwift, +Which he cawws intewest. Cuwsed be my twibe +If I-I fowgive him! +BASSANyIO. Shywock, do you >_> heaw? +*cuddles you* SHYWOCK. I am debating *moans* of my pwesent stowe, +And, ^.^ by t-the nyeaw guess of my memowy, +I cannyot instantwy w-waise up t-the gwoss +Of fuww t-thwee thousand ducats. What o-of that? +Tubaw, a weawthy Hebwew of my *sighs* twibe, +Wiww fuwnyish me. But soft! how *hugs tightly* many ^.^ months +Do you desiwe? [To *looks away* ANTONyIO] West you faiw, *twerks* good signyiow; +Youw wowship >w< was *pokes you* the wast man in o-ouw m-mouths. +ANTONyIO. Shywock, awbeit *looks at you* I nyeithew wend n-nyow bowwow +By taking nyow by giving of excess, +Yet, to suppwy >_< the wipe wants of my fwiend, +I'ww bweak a custom. [To B-BASSANyIO] Is h-he yet possess'd +How m-much ye wouwd? +SHYWOCK. Ay, ay, thwee thousand ducats. +*twerks* ANTONyIO. And fow *screams* thwee months. +>w< SHYWOCK. I had fowgot- thwee months; you towd me so. +Weww then, youw bond; *looks at you* and, wet m-me see- but :33 heaw y-you, +Methoughts you said you nyeithew wend nyow bowwow +Upon a-advantage. +ANTONyIO. I-I do nyevew use it. +*leans over* SHYWOCK. W-When J-Jacob gwaz'd his u-uncwe *notices bulge* Waban's sheep- +T-This Jacob *twerks* fwom ouw howy *looks away* Abwam was, +As his wise *notices bulge* mothew wwought in his behawf, +>w< The *shuffles closer* thiwd possessow; ay, he was t-the thiwd- +ANTONyIO. A-And what of him? Did h-he take >_> intewest? +SHYWOCK. Nyo, nyot take intewest; *twerks* nyot, as y-you wouwd s-say, +Diwectwy int'west; mawk what Jacob did: +When *leans over* Waban and himsewf wewe *cries* compwomis'd +*blushes* That aww the eanwings which wewe stweak'd and pied +Shouwd faww as Jacob's hiwe, the ewes, being wank, +In end of a-autumn tuwnyed to the w-wams; +*blushes* And when t-the wowk of genyewation *pokes you* was +Between these w-woowwy bweedews in the act, +The skiwfuw shephewd p-piww'd me *shuffles closer* cewtain w-wands, +And, in *shuffles closer* the doing of the deed of kind, +He stuck them up b-befowe the ^.^ fuwsome ewes, +:3 Who, then conceiving, *moans* did in eanying time +Faww pawti-cowouw'd wambs, and those wewe J-Jacob's. +This was *shuffles closer* a way t-to thwive, and he w-was bwest; +And thwift is bwessing, if men steaw it :33 nyot. +ANTONyIO. This was a ventuwe, siw, that Jacob uWu sewv'd fow; +A thing nyot in his powew :3 to bwing t-to pass, +B-But *blushes* sway'd and *looks away* fashion'd b-by >_> the hand of heaven. +W-Was this insewted to make intewest good? +O-Ow is youw gowd and s-siwvew ewes and wams? +SHYWOCK. I cannyot teww; I make it bweed as fast. +But n-nyote me, *hugs tightly* signyiow. +*teleports behind you* ANTONyIO. [Aside] *screams* Mawk you this, Bassanyio, +*leans over* The deviw can cite Scwiptuwe fow his puwpose. +*pokes you* An eviw souw OwO pwoducing howy ^w^ witnyess +Is wike a viwwain with a smiwing cheek, +A goodwy *teleports behind you* appwe w-wotten at t-the heawt. +*blushes* O, *cuddles you* what a g-goodwy outside *moans* fawsehood hath! +SHYWOCK. uWu Thwee t-thousand *cuddles you* ducats- ^w^ 'tis a good wound *teleports behind you* sum. +T-Thwee months fwom twewve; >_< then wet me see, the wate- +ANTONyIO. Weww, Shywock, s-shaww we be behowding to y-you? +SHYWOCK. Signyiow Antonyio, *pokes you* many a time and o-oft +In t-the Wiawto *pokes you* you have wated me +*looks at you* About *screams* my monyeys and >_< my >_< usances; +*screams* Stiww have I bownye it with a patient *leans over* shwug, +Fow suff'wance is the badge of xDD aww o-ouw ^.^ twibe; +>_> You caww me misbewievew, cut-thwoat *screams* dog, +A-And spit upon my Jewish gabewdinye, +And aww f-fow use of that which is minye own. +Weww then, it *sighs* nyow appeaws y-you nyeed *pokes you* my hewp; +Go to, then; *giggles shyly* you c-come :3 to me, and *cuddles you* you say +^-^ 'Shywock, w-we wouwd have monyeys.' You say so- +You that did void youw wheum upon my beawd +And foot me as y-you spuwn a stwangew cuw +O-Ovew y-youw thweshowd; monyeys *moans* is *hugs tightly* youw suit. +What shouwd I say to y-you? *looks at you* Shouwd I nyot say +*looks at you* 'Hath a dog m-monyey? I-Is *teleports behind you* it p-possibwe +A >_> cuw c-can :33 wend thwee thousand ducats?' Ow +Shaww I *looks away* bend uWu wow and, in a-a bondman's k-key, +With bated bweath and whisp'wing humbwenyess, +Say this: +*pokes you* 'Faiw siw, you s-spit on me on >_> Wednyesday xDD wast, +You *screams* spuwn'd me such *looks away* a day; x3 anyothew t-time +UwU You caww'd me dog; and fow these *cuddles you* couwtesies +I'ww xDD wend y-you thus much monyeys'? +ANTONyIO. I a-am as wike to caww thee so *cuddles you* again, +To spit on thee again, to spuwn thee too. +If *sweats* thou wiwt wend this monyey, wend it nyot +As *moans* to t-thy fwiends- fow when did *teleports behind you* fwiendship take +A-A bweed fow bawwen *giggles shyly* metaw of *hugs tightly* his f-fwiend?- +But wend it wathew to *moans* thinye ^.^ enyemy, +Who if h-he bweak t-thou mayst *sighs* with UwU bettew xDD face +Exact the penyawty. +SHYWOCK. Why, w-wook y-you, how y-you stowm! +I wouwd be fwiends with *shuffles closer* you, *twerks* and have youw wove, +Fowget the shames that you have s-stain'd me w-with, +Suppwy youw pwesent wants, *twerks* and take nyo doit +*sighs* Of usance fow *shuffles closer* my *blushes* monyeys, *teleports behind you* and you'ww *looks away* nyot heaw me. +This i-is kind I offew. +BASSANyIO. *shuffles closer* This wewe kindnyess. +*shuffles closer* SHYWOCK. This kindnyess wiww I *hugs tightly* show. +Go with me t-to a nyotawy, s-seaw me thewe +Youw singwe bond, uWu and, in a mewwy spowt, +If ;;w;; you wepay me nyot on such a day, +:3 In such a-a p-pwace, such sum o-ow sums as awe +Expwess'd in t-the condition, *looks at you* wet the f-fowfeit +Be nyominyated f-fow an *cries* equaw *sweats* pound +O-Of youw faiw fwesh, *hugs tightly* to ^w^ be ^.^ cut off and taken +In what pawt of youw body pweaseth m-me. +ANTONyIO. Content, in faith; I-I'ww *cries* seaw to such a bond, +A-And say thewe is much kindnyess in the Jew. +BASSANyIO. You *looks away* shaww nyot seaw *blushes* to s-such a *teleports behind you* bond fow me; +I'ww w-wathew dweww i-in my nyecessity. +ANTONyIO. Why, feaw n-nyot, man; I wiww nyot fowfeit it; +W-Within these two months- that's a month befowe +This bond expiwes- I do expect wetuwn +Of *screams* thwice thwee times *sighs* the vawue of this bond. +SHYWOCK. *hugs tightly* O fathew Abwam, what these Chwistians awe, +Whose own hawd deawings teaches them suspect +The thoughts of othews! Pway you, t-teww me this: +If he shouwd bweak his day, what *pokes you* shouwd ^.^ I gain +By the *screams* exaction of the fowfeituwe? +*moans* A pound of man's fwesh OwO taken fwom a man +Is nyot so *moans* estimabwe, pwofitabwe nyeithew, +*notices bulge* As fwesh of muttons, beefs, ow goats. *leans over* I say, +*shuffles closer* To buy his favouw, I extend this fwiendship; +UwU If he wiww take it, so; if n-nyot, adieu; +And, fow my wove, I pway *cuddles you* you wwong me nyot. +ANTONyIO. Yes, Shywock, I wiww seaw >w< unto this b-bond. +SHYWOCK. Then *hugs tightly* meet *shuffles closer* me fowthwith at the nyotawy's; +Give h-him *moans* diwection fow this mewwy bond, +And I wiww go and p-puwse t-the ducats stwaight, +See to my house, weft in t-the feawfuw guawd +Of an unthwifty knyave, and pwesentwy +I'ww be with you. +ANTONyIO. Hie thee, gentwe *looks at you* Jew. Exit SHYWOCK +The *cries* Hebwew w-wiww tuwn Chwistian: he gwows k-kind. +*sighs* BASSANyIO. I wike nyot faiw tewms and a-a viwwain's mind. +ANTONyIO. Come *twerks* on; in this thewe can *cuddles you* be *blushes* nyo dismay; +My ^.^ ships ;;w;; come home a month befowe *pokes you* the day. Exeunt + + + + +<-<> + + + +ACT II. x3 SCENyE I-I. +Bewmont. uWu POWTIA'S house + +Fwouwish of cownyets. Entew the xDD PWINCE of MOWOCCO, x3 a tawny M-Moow *notices bulge* aww in *twerks* white, +and thwee ow fouw FOWWOWEWS accowdingwy, with POWTIA, NyEWISSA, and twain + +PWINCE :33 OF M-Mowocco. M-Miswike me nyot f-fow my compwexion, +The shadowed wivewy of *looks at you* the buwnyish'd sun, +T-To whom I am a nyeighbouw, a-and nyeaw bwed. +Bwing me the faiwest cweatuwe nyowthwawd bown, +Whewe Phoebus' f-fiwe scawce thaws the icicwes, +And w-wet us make i-incision fow youw wove +To p-pwove whose :3 bwood is weddest, h-his ow minye. +I teww t-thee, wady, this aspect of minye +H-Hath feaw'd the vawiant; by my wove, *moans* I sweaw +The OwO best-wegawded viwgins of ouw cwime +Have wov'd it too. *teleports behind you* I wouwd nyot change t-this hue, +Except *cries* to steaw youw thoughts, my gentwe *cries* queen. +POWTIA. *sighs* In tewms of choice OwO I am nyot sowewy wed +B-By nyice *cuddles you* diwection :3 of *teleports behind you* a maiden's e-eyes; +Besides, the *hugs tightly* wott'wy of my destiny +Baws me the wight OwO of ^-^ vowuntawy choosing. +But, *looks away* if my fathew had nyot scanted me, +And :3 hedg'd *moans* me by his wit ^.^ to yiewd mysewf +His *teleports behind you* wife who wins me by that m-means I towd y-you, +Youwsewf, *sighs* wenyownyed >_< Pwince, then stood as faiw +*moans* As any comew I uWu have wook'd on yet +Fow my *sweats* affection. +uWu PWINCE OF MOWOCCO. Even fow that I thank you. +Thewefowe, I pway you, w-wead me to the caskets +To twy :3 my *moans* fowtunye. By *cuddles you* this scimitaw, +That *leans over* swew the Sophy and a Pewsian pwince, +That won thwee fiewds of Suwtan Sowyman, +*sweats* I wouwd o'ewstawe the stewnyest eyes that wook, +Outbwave the heawt most dawing on the eawth, +Pwuck the young sucking cubs fwom the s-she-beaw, +Yea, mock t-the wion w-when 'a woaws fow pwey, +To win thee, w-wady. But, awas the whiwe! +If Hewcuwes a-and Wichas p-pway at dice +uWu Which is the bettew man, t-the gweatew thwow +May tuwn by ;;w;; fowtunye fwom the weakew band. +So UwU is Awcides beaten by his page; +And >_> so may I, bwind Fowtunye weading me, +Miss that which onye unwowthiew may attain, +And d-die with gwieving. +POWTIA. You *blushes* must take youw chance, +And eithew nyot attempt to choose at *moans* aww, +Ow sweaw befowe you choose, if you choose wwong, +Nyevew >_< to speak t-to wady x3 aftewwawd +In way of mawwiage; *cries* thewefowe be *teleports behind you* advis'd. +PWINCE OF MOWOCCO. N-Nyow wiww nyot; come, bwing m-me unto my chance. +POWTIA. F-Fiwst, fowwawd to the tempwe. A-Aftew dinnyew +Youw hazawd shaww be made. +PWINCE OF MOWOCCO. Good fowtunye then, +To :3 make me bwest ow cuwsed'st among men! +[Cownyets, and >_> exeunt] + + + + +:33 SCENyE II. +Venyice. A :3 stweet + +Entew WAUNCEWOT ^w^ GOBBO + +WAUNCEWOT. Cewtainwy my conscience wiww sewve *looks away* me to *looks away* wun fwom this +Jew *moans* my mastew. The fiend is at minye ewbow and tempts me, saying +to me 'Gobbo, W-Wauncewot Gobbo, good Wauncewot' *pokes you* ow '-'good >_> Gobbo' ow +'good *cries* Wauncewot Gobbo, use *cries* youw wegs, take the stawt, wun away.' +My conscience says 'Nyo; take heed, h-honyest Wauncewot, take heed, +honyest Gobbo' ow, as afowesaid, 'honyest Wauncewot Gobbo, do uWu nyot +wun; scown wunnying with thy heews.' Weww, the most couwageous +fiend b-bids me pack. 'Via!' says the fiend; 'away!' says the +fiend. 'Fow the heavens, wouse up a bwave mind' says the fiend +'and w-wun.' W-Weww, *twerks* my conscience, hanging about the nyeck of my +heawt, *pokes you* says vewy w-wisewy to m-me 'My honyest fwiend Wauncewot, b-being +an honyest man's son' >_< ow w-wathew 'an honyest woman's son'; fow +^w^ indeed my fathew did something smack, something gwow to, he had a +kind of taste- *pokes you* weww, *blushes* my conscience s-says 'Wauncewot, budge nyot.' +'Budge,' s-says the fiend. 'Budge nyot,' says *hugs tightly* my conscience. +^.^ 'Conscience,' say I, (you counsew w-weww.' '-'Fiend,' say I, 'you +c-counsew weww.' To x3 be wuw'd by my conscience, I shouwd *blushes* stay with +the Jew m-my *sighs* mastew, who- God bwess the mawk!- is a kind of d-deviw; +and, to wun away *cries* fwom the Jew, I shouwd *pokes you* be wuwed by the fiend, +who- saving youw wevewence!- is the deviw himsewf. C-Cewtainwy the +Jew is t-the uWu vewy deviw i-incawnyation; and, *notices bulge* in my conscience, m-my +conscience is but a kind of hawd conscience to offew to counsew +me to *blushes* stay with *cries* the Jew. T-The *giggles shyly* fiend gives the mowe fwiendwy +counsew. I-I wiww wun, fiend; *twerks* my heews ^w^ awe at youw commandment; I +wiww wun. + +Entew UwU OWD GOBBO, *blushes* with a basket + +GOBBO. Mastew young m-man, you, I p-pway y-you, which is the *twerks* way to +mastew Jew's? +WAUNCEWOT. [Aside] O h-heavens! *cries* This is my t-twue-begotten fathew, +*screams* who, being *twerks* mowe than sand-bwind, high-gwavew *teleports behind you* bwind, knyows *teleports behind you* me nyot. +*notices bulge* I *looks at you* wiww twy confusions with him. +GOBBO. Mastew young *giggles shyly* gentweman, I *sweats* pway y-you, which is the way to +mastew Jew's? +WAUNCEWOT. T-Tuwn up on youw wight hand at the xDD nyext tuwnying, *twerks* but, *looks away* at +the nyext t-tuwnying ^w^ of aww, on *shuffles closer* youw weft; mawwy, *teleports behind you* at the v-vewy nyext +tuwnying, :33 tuwn *cries* of nyo hand, but tuwn down i-indiwectwy t-to the Jew's +house. +GOBBO. Be God's sonties, 'twiww be a hawd way to hit! C-Can you teww +me whethew onye Wauncewot, *looks away* that dwewws *notices bulge* with h-him, dweww w-with him ow +nyo? +WAUNCEWOT. Tawk you of young Mastew W-Wauncewot? [Aside] Mawk me +^w^ nyow; nyow wiww I waise the watews.- Tawk you ^-^ of young Mastew +*hugs tightly* Wauncewot? +GOBBO. Nyo mastew, siw, but a poow m-man's son; his fathew, though I +say't, i-is an *sighs* honyest exceeding poow man, and, God be thanked, weww +to wive. +WAUNCEWOT. Weww, wet x3 his *shuffles closer* fathew b-be what 'a wiww, we tawk of young +Mastew Wauncewot. +G-GOBBO. Youw wowship's *twerks* fwiend, and W-Wauncewot, siw. +*looks away* WAUNCEWOT. *looks at you* But I p-pway you, ewgo, owd man, ewgo, I beseech you, t-tawk +you of young Mastew Wauncewot? +G-GOBBO. Of Wauncewot, an't pwease youw mastewship. +WAUNCEWOT. Ewgo, Mastew Wauncewot. Tawk nyot :3 of *leans over* Mastew Wauncewot, +fathew; fow the young gentweman, accowding to *cries* Fates and Destinyies +and such odd sayings, the Sistews Thwee and such *giggles shyly* bwanches of +w-weawnying, is i-indeed deceased; ow, as you w-wouwd say *screams* in pwain +t-tewms, gonye to h-heaven. +*looks away* GOBBO. Mawwy, God fowbid! The boy was *notices bulge* the vewy staff of m-my age, my +vewy p-pwop. +*cries* WAUNCEWOT. Do I w-wook w-wike a >w< cudgew o-ow a hovew-post, a-a staff ow a +*sweats* pwop? Do you knyow me, fathew? +GOBBO. Awack t-the d-day, I knyow you n-nyot, young gentweman; but I-I pway +you ^-^ teww me, is my boy- God west his souw!- awive o-ow dead? +WAUNCEWOT. Do you uWu nyot knyow me, uWu fathew? +GOBBO. Awack, siw, I am sand-bwind; I :33 knyow you nyot. +*screams* WAUNCEWOT. Nyay, indeed, if you had youw e-eyes, *looks away* you m-might faiw of *sighs* the +knyowing me: ^-^ it is *hugs tightly* a wise fathew that knyows his own chiwd. Weww, +o-owd man, I wiww teww y-you nyews of youw son. G-Give UwU me youw bwessing; +twuth wiww come to wight; muwdew c-cannyot b-be hid wong; *notices bulge* a man's son +may, but in the end *cries* twuth wiww out. +x3 GOBBO. Pway y-you, OwO siw, stand *giggles shyly* up; I a-am *giggles shyly* suwe y-you awe nyot W-Wauncewot my +boy. +WAUNCEWOT. Pway you, wet's have nyo mowe f-foowing a-about it, but give +*sweats* me y-youw b-bwessing; I am Wauncewot, y-youw b-boy that was, youw son +xDD that is, y-youw c-chiwd that shaww be. +G-GOBBO. I cannyot ^w^ think you awe my son. +WAUNCEWOT. I knyow nyot what I shaww think of that; but I-I am +Wauncewot, the J-Jew's *cuddles you* man, and I-I am suwe Mawgewy youw w-wife *twerks* is my +mothew. +GOBBO. Hew nyame is Mawgewy, i-indeed. I'ww be swown, if *pokes you* thou be +Wauncewot, thou awt m-minye own *moans* fwesh and bwood. W-Wowd wowshipp'd +might he be, what a beawd hast thou >_< got! Thou hast got >w< mowe haiw +on thy chin *screams* than D-Dobbin my fiww-howse *cuddles you* has *sweats* on *cries* his taiw. +WAUNCEWOT. It shouwd s-seem, then, that Dobbin's taiw gwows backwawd; +I am suwe *giggles shyly* he had mowe haiw of his t-taiw than I have *screams* of my face +*leans over* when I wast saw h-him. +;;w;; GOBBO. Wowd, how *cuddles you* awt *teleports behind you* thou c-chang'd! How dost thou and *shuffles closer* thy mastew +agwee? I h-have bwought him a pwesent. How 'gwee you nyow? +WAUNCEWOT. *shuffles closer* Weww, weww; but, fow minye own pawt, a-as I have set up my +west to *screams* wun away, so I UwU wiww *sighs* nyot west tiww I have wun some gwound. +M-My mastew's a vewy Jew. Give him a pwesent! Give him a hawtew. I +*moans* am famish'd in his sewvice; you may teww evewy *sweats* fingew I have with +my w-wibs. >w< Fathew, I am x3 gwad you awe come; give me youw pwesent to +onye Mastew Bassanyio, who indeed gives *sighs* wawe nyew wivewies; if I +sewve nyot him, I >_< wiww wun as faw xDD as God has a-any gwound. :33 O wawe +UwU fowtunye! Hewe c-comes the man. To h-him, *blushes* fathew, fow I am a Jew, if I-I +sewve the Jew any wongew. + +Entew BASSANyIO, w-with WEONyAWDO, with a FOWWOWEW ow two + +BASSANyIO. You may ^-^ do so; but wet it be so hasted t-that suppew *shuffles closer* be +weady at the fawthest by five of the *cries* cwock. See these wettews +dewivewed, put the wivewies to making, and desiwe Gwatianyo to +come anyon to my wodging. Exit a SEWVANT +W-WAUNCEWOT. To him, fathew. +GOBBO. God bwess youw wowship! +BASSANyIO. Gwamewcy; wouwdst thou aught with m-me? +GOBBO. H-Hewe's my son, siw, a poow *teleports behind you* boy- +W-WAUNCEWOT. Nyot *hugs tightly* a poow *hugs tightly* boy, siw, but the *cries* wich *screams* Jew's man, that wouwd, +siw, as my fathew shaww specify- +GOBBO. He hath a gweat infection, siw, as onye wouwd say, ^-^ to s-sewve- +*pokes you* WAUNCEWOT. Indeed the showt and the wong is, I sewve *screams* the Jew, and +:33 have a desiwe, as my f-fathew shaww specify- +GOBBO. His m-mastew ^.^ and he, saving youw wowship's wevewence, awe +scawce c-catew-cousins- +WAUNCEWOT. To be bwief, the vewy twuth is that the Jew, having donye +m-me *notices bulge* wwong, doth cause me, as my fathew, being I hope an *notices bulge* owd ^-^ man, +shaww fwutify unto you- +GOBBO. I have hewe a *shuffles closer* dish of doves that I wouwd bestow upon *leans over* youw +^-^ wowship; and OwO my suit is- +WAUNCEWOT. In vewy *giggles shyly* bwief, the suit is i-impewtinyent to mysewf, as +youw wowship shaww ^.^ knyow by this *hugs tightly* honyest owd man; and, though I say +it, *teleports behind you* though owd man, yet poow m-man, my fathew. +*looks at you* BASSANyIO. O-Onye speak fow both. What wouwd you? +WAUNCEWOT. Sewve you, siw. +GOBBO. T-That is the vewy defect of the mattew, siw. +BASSANyIO. I knyow ;;w;; thee weww; thou hast obtain'd *shuffles closer* thy suit. +Shywock thy mastew spoke ^-^ with me t-this day, +And hath pwefeww'd thee, if it be p-pwefewment +To w-weave a wich Jew's sewvice to *twerks* become +The *looks at you* fowwowew of so poow *looks at you* a gentweman. +WAUNCEWOT. The owd pwovewb is vewy weww *notices bulge* pawted between *cuddles you* my mastew +Shywock and you, siw: you h-have the gwace of God, *notices bulge* siw, and he hath +enyough. +BASSANyIO. Thou *cries* speak'st i-it weww. Go, fathew, with thy son. +Take weave of thy owd mastew, and inquiwe +My wodging xDD out. [To a SEWVANT] Give him a wivewy +Mowe guawded *teleports behind you* than his fewwows'; *cries* see it donye. +W-WAUNCEWOT. Fathew, in. I cannyot get a x3 sewvice, nyo! I have nye'ew OwO a +tongue in my head! [Wooking on >w< his pawm] Weww; if a-any man in +Itawy have a faiwew tabwe which doth offew to sweaw upon a book- I +shaww have good fowtunye. Go to, *sighs* hewe's a s-simpwe winye of wife; +hewe's a smaww *leans over* twifwe of wives; awas, fifteen *teleports behind you* wives i-is nyothing; +a'weven widows and nyinye ^w^ maids is a *leans over* simpwe coming-in f-fow o-onye man. +And then to scape dwownying thwice, and UwU to be in *giggles shyly* pewiw o-of my wife +w-with the edge of a *sighs* feathew-bed-hewe *screams* awe simpwe scapes. Weww, if +Fowtunye >_< be a-a woman, she's a good wench fow this geaw. Fathew, +come; I-I'ww take ^w^ my weave of the Jew in t-the twinkwing. +Exeunt *shuffles closer* WAUNCEWOT and O-OWD GOBBO +^w^ BASSANyIO. I-I pway thee, good Weonyawdo, UwU think on *blushes* this. +These things *screams* being *looks at you* bought *moans* and owdewwy bestowed, +>_> Wetuwn in h-haste, fow x3 I do feast to-nyight +My best esteem'd acquaintance; hie thee, go. +WEONyAWDO. My best endeavouws s-shaww be donye h-hewein. + +Entew GWATIANyO + +GWATIANyO. Whewe's youw mastew? +WEONyAWDO. Yondew, siw, *twerks* he wawks. Exit +*twerks* GWATIANyO. S-Signyiow Bassanyio! +B-BASSANyIO. Gwatianyo! +GWATIANyO. uWu I have suit t-to you. +BASSANyIO. You have obtain'd it. +GWATIANyO. You m-must nyot *looks away* deny m-me: I must g-go with you to Bewmont. +BASSANyIO. Why, then you OwO must. But heaw thee, G-Gwatianyo: +Thou awt too wiwd, *sighs* too *pokes you* wude, OwO and bowd of v-voice- +Pawts that become thee happiwy e-enyough, +And in such eyes as o-ouws *looks at you* appeaw nyot fauwts; +But whewe thou awt nyot knyown, why thewe t-they show +S-Something too wibewaw. Pway thee, take pain +To awway *cries* with some cowd dwops of modesty +Thy skipping spiwit; west t-thwough thy wiwd b-behaviouw +I be misconst'wed *pokes you* in the pwace I go to +And wose my hopes. +GWATIANyO. S-Signyiow Bassanyio, heaw m-me: +:33 If I ^-^ do nyot put *cries* on a sobew habit, +Tawk *cries* with w-wespect, OwO and sweaw but *leans over* nyow a-and then, +Weaw pwayew-books in my pocket, wook demuwewy, +Nyay *leans over* mowe, whiwe gwace x3 is saying hood *notices bulge* minye eyes +Thus with my hat, ^.^ and sigh, and say amen, +:3 Use aww the xDD obsewvance of civiwity +>_< Wike onye weww studied in a sad ostent +To pwease his gwandam, nyevew twust me mowe. +BASSANyIO. Weww, w-we s-shaww ^.^ see *sighs* youw beawing. +GWATIANyO. Nyay, but I baw to-nyight; you *sighs* shaww nyot gauge me +By what w-we do to-nyight. +BASSANyIO. Nyo, that wewe *twerks* pity; +*notices bulge* I *teleports behind you* wouwd entweat you wathew to put on +Youw bowdest suit of miwth, f-fow we have fwiends +That puwpose x3 mewwiment. *screams* But fawe you weww; +xDD I have some businyess. +GWATIANyO. And I must to Wowenzo a-and the west; +But w-we OwO wiww visit you at suppew-time. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* III. +Venyice. SHYWOCK'S house + +x3 Entew JESSICA and WAUNCEWOT + +JESSICA. :3 I a-am sowwy thou wiwt weave my fathew so. +Ouw house is heww; and thou, a mewwy deviw, +Didst wob it of some *giggles shyly* taste of tediousnyess. +But fawe t-thee w-weww; t-thewe i-is :3 a ducat fow thee; +And, Wauncewot, soon at ^.^ suppew shawt thou see +Wowenzo, who is thy nyew mastew's guest. +G-Give him this w-wettew; d-do it secwetwy. +And so *looks away* faweweww. I wouwd nyot have my fathew +See me in tawk with thee. +W-WAUNCEWOT. Adieu! teaws exhibit my tongue. *cuddles you* Most beautifuw p-pagan, +most sweet J-Jew! If a Chwistian do nyot pway the *giggles shyly* knyave and get +thee, *looks away* I a-am much d-deceived. B-But, adieu! these foowish dwops do +*screams* something dwown my manwy spiwit; adieu! +JESSICA. F-Faweweww, good Wauncewot. Exit WAUNCEWOT +Awack, *teleports behind you* what heinyous sin is it in me +T-To be asham'd to be my fathew's chiwd! +But though I am a daughtew to his bwood, +I *notices bulge* am nyot to his mannyews. O Wowenzo, +If thou keep pwomise, I shaww end this stwife, +Become a Chwistian and thy woving wife. Exit + + + + +SCENyE IV. +Venyice. A stweet + +Entew GWATIANyO, WOWENZO, SAWEWIO, and SOWANyIO + +WOWENZO. Nyay, we *hugs tightly* wiww swink a-away in *giggles shyly* suppewtime, +Disguise us at my wodging, and wetuwn +Aww *shuffles closer* in an houw. +GWATIANyO. We h-have nyot made good pwepawation. +SAWEWIO. We have nyot spoke >_> us yet of towch-beawews. +SOWANyIO. 'Tis viwe, unwess it may be q-quaintwy owdewed; +And bettew *screams* in m-my *cuddles you* mind nyot undewtook. +WOWENZO. 'Tis nyow but fouw o'cwock; we h-have two houws +*cries* To fuwnyish us. + +Entew WAUNCEWOT, With a wettew + +F-Fwiend Wauncewot, what's *leans over* the nyews? +WAUNCEWOT. An it shaww pwease you t-to bweak *pokes you* up this, it shaww seem +to s-signyify. +WOWENZO. ^-^ I knyow the *hugs tightly* hand; in *screams* faith, 'tis a *cuddles you* faiw hand, +And whitew *looks away* than the p-papew it wwit on +Is the faiw hand that wwit. +*giggles shyly* GWATIANyO. Wove-nyews, in faith! +WAUNCEWOT. By youw weave, siw. +WOWENZO. Whithew *hugs tightly* goest ^w^ thou? +WAUNCEWOT. Mawwy, siw, t-to bid my owd mastew, the Jew, to s-sup +to-nyight with my nyew mastew, the Chwistian. +WOWENZO. Howd, hewe, take *teleports behind you* this. Teww gentwe Jessica +*pokes you* I wiww nyot faiw h-hew; speak it pwivatewy. +Go, gentwemen, Exit W-WAUNCEWOT +Wiww you pwepawe you fow this masque xDD to-nyight? +I am pwovided o-of a towch-beawew. +SAWEWIO. Ay, m-mawwy, I'ww be gonye about it stwaight. +SOWANyIO. *blushes* And *twerks* so wiww I. +WOWENZO. Meet me and UwU Gwatianyo +At G-Gwatianyo's w-wodging some houw h-hence. +SAWEWIO. 'Tis good we do so. Exeunt SAWEWIO and SOWANyIO +GWATIANyO. W-Was nyot that w-wettew f-fwom faiw >_< Jessica? +W-WOWENZO. I must nyeeds teww thee *hugs tightly* aww. She hath diwected +H-How I-I shaww take h-hew fwom hew fathew's house; +What gowd a-and jewews she is fuwnyish'd with; +What page's suit she hath in weadinyess. +If e'ew the Jew hew *pokes you* fathew come to heaven, +It wiww be fow his gentwe daughtew's s-sake; +A-And nyevew dawe misfowtunye ^-^ cwoss hew foot, +Unwess she do it undew this excuse, +That she is issue *cries* to *cuddles you* a faithwess J-Jew. +Come, go *shuffles closer* with *looks at you* me, pewuse this xDD as thou >w< goest; +Faiw Jessica s-shaww be my towch-beawew. E-Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +Venyice. :3 Befowe SHYWOCK'S house + +Entew *shuffles closer* SHYWOCK and WAUNCEWOT + +S-SHYWOCK. Weww, thou shawt s-see; thy eyes shaww be t-thy :33 judge, +T-The diffewence of owd Shywock and *leans over* Bassanyio.- +*sighs* What, Jessica!- Thou shawt nyot g-gowmandize +As thou hast d-donye with me- What, *sweats* Jessica!- +And sweep and snyowe, and wend a-appawew out- +Why, Jessica, I say! +WAUNCEWOT. Why, Jessica! +^.^ SHYWOCK. Who bids thee :33 caww? I-I >_> do nyot bid thee caww. +WAUNCEWOT. Youw wowship was wont to teww me I couwd do n-nyothing +without bidding. + +Entew JESSICA + +J-JESSICA. Caww you? What OwO is y-youw wiww? +*looks at you* SHYWOCK. I am b-bid fowth to suppew, Jessica; +Thewe awe my ^.^ keys. But whewefowe shouwd I go? +I am nyot bid fow wove; they fwattew me; +But yet I'ww *notices bulge* go in hate, >w< to feed u-upon +*pokes you* The pwodigaw Chwistian. Jessica, my giww, +Wook to *shuffles closer* my *cries* house. I am wight *cries* woath to go; +Thewe is some iww a-a-bwewing towawds my x3 west, +Fow *pokes you* I did dweam of monyey-bags to-nyight. +WAUNCEWOT. I beseech you, siw, go; my young *cuddles you* mastew doth e-expect *leans over* youw +*screams* wepwoach. +S-SHYWOCK. *pokes you* So do I *leans over* his. +WAUNCEWOT. And they have conspiwed togethew; I wiww *moans* nyot say you +shaww >_< see a masque, but if you :3 do, then it was n-nyot fow xDD nyothing +that my nyose feww a-a-bweeding on B-Bwack Monday w-wast ;;w;; at six o'cwock +*cries* i' th' mownying, fawwing out that yeaw on Ash Wednyesday was f-fouw +yeaw, in th' aftewnyoon. +SHYWOCK. What, awe thewe masques? Heaw you m-me, Jessica: +W-Wock up my doows, and when you heaw the dwum, +And the viwe squeawing of the wwy-nyeck'd fife, +Cwambew nyot you up to the casements then, +Nyow thwust youw head into the pubwic stweet +To gaze o-on *sweats* Chwistian foows w-with vawnyish'd faces; +But stop my house's eaws- I mean m-my casements; +Wet nyot ;;w;; the sound of shawwow f-fopp'wy e-entew +My *sighs* sobew house. By *moans* Jacob's staff, I-I s-sweaw +I *notices bulge* have nyo mind of *shuffles closer* feasting fowth to-nyight; +But I wiww go. Go you befowe m-me, siwwah; +Say uWu I wiww c-come. +WAUNCEWOT. I w-wiww go b-befowe, siw. Mistwess, wook o-out at >_> window fow +aww this. +Thewe wiww come a Chwistian by +Wiww xDD be wowth a-a Jewess' e-eye. Exit +SHYWOCK. What says that foow of Hagaw's offspwing, h-ha? +JESSICA. H-His wowds wewe 'Faweweww, mistwess'; nyothing ewse. +SHYWOCK. The patch i-is *screams* kind enyough, but a-a *screams* huge feedew, +Snyaiw-swow in pwofit, and he s-sweeps by >_> day +Mowe than the wiwd-cat; dwonyes hive nyot w-with me, +Thewefowe I-I *blushes* pawt with *moans* him; *cries* and pawt w-with him +To onye :33 that I *moans* wouwd have him *giggles shyly* hewp to waste +H-His *cries* bowwowed p-puwse. Weww, Jessica, go in; +Pewhaps I wiww wetuwn immediatewy. +Do as I-I bid you, shut doows aftew you. +Fast bind, fast find- +>_> A pwovewb *notices bulge* nyevew stawe in thwifty m-mind. Exit +JESSICA. Faweweww; and *notices bulge* if my *pokes you* fowtunye *moans* be nyot cwost, +I h-have a-a fathew, *moans* you a daughtew, wost. Exit + + + + +SCENyE VI. +Venyice. B-Befowe S-SHYWOCK'S :3 house + +Entew the maskews, G-GWATIANyO and SAWEWIO + +GWATIANyO. This is the pent-house undew w-which Wowenzo +Desiwed us t-to *shuffles closer* make s-stand. +^w^ SAWEWIO. His houw is awmost past. +GWATIANyO. OwO And ^w^ it is mawvew he out-dwewws his houw, +Fow *cuddles you* wovews evew wun befowe the c-cwock. +SAWEWIO. *cuddles you* O, ten times fastew Venyus' pigeons f-fwy +To seaw >_< wove's bonds nyew made than they a-awe wont +To keep obwiged faith unfowfeited! +GWATIANyO. *shuffles closer* That evew howds: who wiseth fwom a feast +With t-that >w< keen appetite ^-^ that UwU he sits down? +Whewe is the howse that doth u-untwead again +His tedious measuwes with the unbated fiwe +That he did pace >_< them fiwst? A-Aww things that awe +Awe with mowe s-spiwit chased than enjoyed. +How *blushes* wike >_< a younkew *sighs* ow *cuddles you* a pwodigaw +The scawfed bawk xDD puts fwom hew nyative bay, +Hugg'd and embwaced b-by the *looks at you* stwumpet wind; +^w^ How wike uWu the pwodigaw doth she wetuwn, +With ovew-weathew'd wibs and wagged saiws, +Wean, xDD went, and beggaw'd b-by the OwO stwumpet wind! + +Entew WOWENZO + +*sighs* SAWEWIO. H-Hewe UwU comes Wowenzo; mowe of this heweaftew. +WOWENZO. Sweet fwiends, youw p-patience fow my wong abode! +Nyot I, but my affaiws, have made you *cuddles you* wait. +When you shaww pwease *sweats* to pway the thieves fow wives, +I'ww watch as wong fow you then. A-Appwoach; +Hewe *giggles shyly* dwewws *moans* my fathew Jew. Ho! who's within? + +Entew JESSICA, above, in boy's cwothes + +JESSICA. *screams* Who awe *looks away* you? Teww m-me, fow mowe c-cewtainty, +Awbeit I'ww sweaw that I do knyow youw tongue. +W-WOWENZO. :33 Wowenzo, and thy wove. +JESSICA. Wowenzo, cewtain; and m-my wove *leans over* indeed; +Fow who wove *hugs tightly* I so much? And nyow who knyows +But you, Wowenzo, whethew I a-am *looks at you* youws? +WOWENZO. Heaven and thy thoughts awe *looks at you* witnyess that thou awt. +J-JESSICA. H-Hewe, *sweats* catch this casket; it *screams* is wowth :3 the pains. +I am gwad 'tis nyight, you do nyot wook on me, +Fow I am *hugs tightly* much a-asham'd of my exchange; +B-But wove is bwind, and wovews cannyot see +The pwetty fowwies t-that themsewves *shuffles closer* commit, +Fow, if ^-^ they couwd, Cupid himsewf wouwd bwush +To see me t-thus twansfowmed to a boy. +W-WOWENZO. *twerks* Descend, fow y-you must be m-my UwU towch-beawew. +JESSICA. What! must I howd a candwe *sighs* to my *looks at you* shames? +*sweats* They in themsewves, good sooth, awe *looks away* too too wight. +Why, 'tis an office of discovewy, wove, +And I shouwd be obscuw'd. +WOWENZO. So awe *sighs* you, sweet, +Even in the wovewy gawnyish of a boy. +But come at once, +Fow the cwose nyight doth pway the wunyaway, +A-And we awe >w< stay'd *blushes* fow at Bassanyio's feast. +J-JESSICA. I wiww make fast the doows, *cuddles you* and giwd mysewf +With s-some moe ducats, and be with you stwaight. +Exit above + +:33 GWATIANyO. Nyow, by my hood, a gentwe, and nyo Jew. +WOWENZO. Beshwew me, but I-I wove hew heawtiwy, +Fow *looks at you* she is wise, uWu if I can judge of h-hew, +And faiw she is, if that minye eyes be twue, +A-And twue uWu she is, as she hath pwov'd *hugs tightly* hewsewf; +And t-thewefowe, w-wike >w< hewsewf, wise, faiw, a-and twue, +Shaww she be pwaced in my constant souw. + +Entew JESSICA, bewow + +What, awt thou come? On, gentwemen, :33 away; +Ouw m-masquing mates by this time ^-^ fow us stay. +Exit with JESSICA uWu and SAWEWIO + +Entew ANTONyIO + +ANTONyIO. Who's thewe? +*pokes you* GWATIANyO. Signyiow Antonyio? +ANTONyIO. Fie, f-fie, *sweats* Gwatianyo, whewe awe a-aww the w-west? +'Tis nyinye o'cwock; ouw fwiends ^-^ aww stay fow you; +Nyo masque to-nyight; the wind is come a-about; +*shuffles closer* Bassanyio p-pwesentwy wiww go aboawd; +I have sent twenty out to seek fow you. +GWATIANyO. I a-am ^-^ gwad on't; I desiwe nyo mowe dewight +*looks away* Than to be undew saiw and gonye t-to-nyight. UwU Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VII. +Bewmont. POWTIA's house + +Fwouwish of c-cownyets. Entew POWTIA, with t-the PWINCE OF MOWOCCO, +and *cuddles you* theiw twains + +POWTIA. Go dwaw aside the cuwtains and discovew +The sevewaw caskets :33 to :3 this nyobwe Pwince. +Nyow make youw choice. +PWINCE OF *pokes you* MOWOCCO. The fiwst, of gowd, who this inscwiption beaws: +'Who chooseth me shaww x3 gain what m-many men desiwe.' +The s-second, siwvew, uWu which this pwomise cawwies: +'Who chooseth *giggles shyly* me shaww g-get as *sweats* much *screams* as h-he desewves.' +This thiwd, d-duww wead, with wawnying aww as b-bwunt: +'Who chooseth *teleports behind you* me must give and hazawd aww he hath.' +*cries* How shaww I *hugs tightly* knyow if I do *blushes* choose the wight? +POWTIA. The onye of them c-contains my pictuwe, Pwince; +I-If you choose that, then I am youws withaw. +PWINCE UwU OF MOWOCCO. >_< Some god diwect my ^w^ judgment! Wet me s-see; +I wiww s-suwvey th' uWu inscwiptions back >_> again. +What says this weaden casket? +'Who chooseth me m-must g-give and hazawd UwU aww he hath.' +Must give- fow w-what? Fow wead? Hazawd fow wead! +This casket >w< thweatens; men that h-hazawd a-aww +D-Do it *blushes* in h-hope of faiw advantages. +A g-gowden mind stoops nyot *sweats* to shows of dwoss; +I'ww then nyow give n-nyow hazawd aught fow wead. +What *leans over* says the s-siwvew w-with hew viwgin hue? +>_< 'Who chooseth me uWu shaww get as much as he desewves.' +uWu As much as he desewves! >_> Pause thewe, Mowocco, +And weigh t-thy vawue with a-an *looks at you* even hand. +If t-thou beest wated b-by thy estimation, +Thou dost desewve enyough, a-and yet enyough +May nyot extend so f-faw as to the ;;w;; wady; +A-And yet ^.^ to be afeawd of my desewving +Wewe but a w-weak disabwing of mysewf. +As m-much :33 as I desewve? Why, that's the wady! +I do *moans* in b-biwth desewve h-hew, and in fowtunyes, +In gwaces, and in quawities *hugs tightly* of OwO bweeding; +B-But mowe than these, x3 in wove I *teleports behind you* do desewve. +What :3 if I s-stway'd xDD nyo fawthew, but c-chose hewe? +Wet's see once mowe this saying gwav'd in gowd: +'Who chooseth me shaww gain >_< what many m-men d-desiwe.' +Why, that's *cries* the wady! Aww the *looks at you* wowwd desiwes hew; +Fwom the UwU fouw cownyews of the eawth *teleports behind you* they come +To kiss this shwinye, *cries* this mowtaw-bweathing ^w^ saint. +The Hywcanyian desewts *giggles shyly* and the *sighs* vasty wiwds +*giggles shyly* Of wide Awabia awe as thwoughfawes nyow +Fow p-pwinces to come view faiw Powtia. +T-The watewy kingdom, whose ambitious head +Spits in the face *teleports behind you* of heaven, is nyo baw +To stop *pokes you* the xDD foweign s-spiwits, but they come +As o'ew ^w^ a bwook to see faiw Powtia. +Onye of these thwee contains hew h-heavenwy pictuwe. +Is't wike that wead c-contains hew? 'Twewe *hugs tightly* damnyation +To *giggles shyly* think so base a-a thought; it wewe too gwoss +To wib hew *twerks* cewecwoth in the obscuwe gwave. +Ow shaww I think i-in siwvew s-she's immuw'd, +;;w;; Being t-ten times undewvawued to twied gowd? +O-O sinfuw thought! Nyevew so wich a gem +Was set in wowse than gowd. They *screams* have UwU in Engwand +A coin t-that *sighs* beaws *teleports behind you* the figuwe of an angew +Stamp'd in ^-^ gowd; but that's inscuwp'd upon. +But *sighs* hewe an angew in a gowden bed +Wies a-aww within. Dewivew *teleports behind you* me the key; +Hewe d-do I choose, and thwive I as I m-may! +POWTIA. Thewe, take it, P-Pwince, *cries* and i-if m-my fowm ^.^ wie t-thewe, +Then I am youws. [He opens the g-gowden casket] +PWINCE OF MOWOCCO. O heww! ^-^ what h-have we *cries* hewe? +A cawwion Death, within *sweats* whose empty eye +Thewe is *giggles shyly* a ^-^ wwitten scwoww! I-I'ww wead *looks at you* the w-wwiting. +'Aww that gwistews i-is nyot gowd, +Often have you heawd that towd; +Many a man his wife hath sowd +B-But m-my outside t-to b-behowd. +G-Giwded t-tombs do wowms i-infowd. +Had *looks at you* you :3 been *shuffles closer* as w-wise as bowd, +Young in wimbs, in judgment owd, +Youw a-answew had nyot been inscwoww'd. +Fawe y-you w-weww, youw *teleports behind you* suit *twerks* is cowd.' +Cowd indeed, and wabouw *pokes you* wost, +Then faweweww, heat, and w-wewcome, fwost. +Powtia, adieu! I have *notices bulge* too *hugs tightly* gwiev'd a heawt +To ^.^ take a tedious weave; t-thus wosews pawt. +E-Exit with his twain. :3 Fwouwish of c-cownyets +POWTIA. A gentwe widdance. D-Dwaw the cuwtains, go. +Wet aww of his compwexion choose *looks away* me s-so. *giggles shyly* Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VIII. +Venyice. UwU A s-stweet + +xDD Entew SAWEWIO and SOWANyIO + +S-SAWEWIO. *giggles shyly* Why, man, I saw Bassanyio undew saiw; +With h-him is Gwatianyo g-gonye *cuddles you* awong; +And in t-theiw ship I am suwe :33 Wowenzo is nyot. +S-SOWANyIO. The viwwain Jew with outcwies wais'd x3 the Duke, +W-Who went with him *blushes* to s-seawch Bassanyio's ship. +SAWEWIO. He came too *cuddles you* wate, the ship was ^.^ undew saiw; +But thewe the Duke was given *cuddles you* to undewstand +T-That in a gondowa wewe seen togethew +Wowenzo and his amowous Jessica; +Besides, Antonyio cewtified t-the Duke +They wewe nyot with Bassanyio in his ship. +SOWANyIO. *screams* I nyevew heawd a passion so confus'd, +So stwange, outwageous, *giggles shyly* and so vawiabwe, +A-As the dog Jew did u-uttew in the stweets. +'My daughtew! O my *cries* ducats! O my daughtew! +Fwed with a-a Chwistian! O my *twerks* Chwistian ducats! +Justice! the waw! My *shuffles closer* ducats and m-my daughtew! +A seawed bag, two s-seawed bags UwU of ducats, +Of doubwe ducats, stow'n *cries* fwom me by my daughtew! +A-And >w< jewews- two stonyes, two wich and p-pwecious stonyes, +Stow'n by m-my daughtew! xDD Justice! Find the giww; +She hath *twerks* the stonyes upon hew and the *cuddles you* ducats.' +SAWEWIO. W-Why, aww the ^.^ boys i-in Venyice fowwow him, +Cwying, his *looks at you* stonyes, ^-^ his daughtew, and his ducats. +SOWANyIO. Wet good Antonyio wook h-he keep his d-day, +Ow he shaww x3 pay fow this. +SAWEWIO. Mawwy, w-weww w-wememb'wed; +I weason'd *screams* with *cries* a Fwenchman y-yestewday, +Who towd me, in the nyawwow *giggles shyly* seas >w< that pawt +The Fwench and Engwish, thewe miscawwied +*notices bulge* A vessew of ouw countwy wichwy fwaught. +I thought upon Antonyio when he towd me, +And wish'd in siwence that ^w^ it wewe n-nyot his. +*leans over* SOWANyIO. You wewe best to teww Antonyio what *giggles shyly* you *teleports behind you* heaw; +Yet do nyot s-suddenwy, fow i-it may gwieve him. +*hugs tightly* SAWEWIO. A *teleports behind you* kindew gentweman tweads nyot the eawth. +I saw Bassanyio and Antonyio pawt. +Bassanyio t-towd him he wouwd *leans over* make some speed +Of his wetuwn. *cries* He answewed 'Do nyot UwU so; +Swubbew nyot businyess fow my sake, Bassanyio, +But >_> stay the vewy wiping o-of the time; +A-And fow the Jew's bond *cuddles you* which h-he *giggles shyly* hath of m-me, +Wet it nyot *teleports behind you* entew in youw mind of wove; +Be mewwy, and empwoy youw chiefest thoughts +To couwtship, and ^w^ such faiw ostents o-of w-wove +As shaww convenyientwy become you t-thewe.' +And x3 even thewe, his eye being big *hugs tightly* with teaws, +Tuwnying his *moans* face, he >_> put his h-hand behind him, +And with affection wondwous sensibwe +He wwung Bassanyio's hand; and s-so they pawted. +SOWANyIO. I think he onwy woves *notices bulge* the wowwd fow >w< him. +I pway thee, w-wet u-us go and find him o-out, +UwU And quicken his embwaced *screams* heavinyess +With some dewight ow othew. +SAWEWIO. Do we so. Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE IX. +:33 Bewmont. POWTIA'S house + +Entew NyEWISSA, and a-a SEWVITOW + +NyEWISSA. Quick, q-quick, I-I pway uWu thee, dwaw t-the cuwtain stwaight; +T-The Pwince of *screams* Awwagon hath ta'en h-his oath, +And comes to his ewection OwO pwesentwy. + +Fwouwish of cownyets. ^.^ Entew the P-PWINCE OF AWWAGON, +*looks away* POWTIA, *notices bulge* and *blushes* theiw twains + +*giggles shyly* POWTIA. Behowd, *moans* thewe stand the c-caskets, nyobwe >_> Pwince. +If you choose that whewein I *cuddles you* am contain'd, +S-Stwaight shaww ouw nyuptiaw wites be sowemnyiz'd; +But if you faiw, without mowe speech, my wowd, +You must be gonye fwom hence immediatewy. +AWWAGON. I-I am enjoin'd *teleports behind you* by o-oath to o-obsewve thwee things: +F-Fiwst, nyevew to unfowd to a-any onye +*screams* Which casket 'twas I UwU chose; nyext, i-if I faiw +Of the wight casket, nyevew in my wife +To woo a-a maid x3 in ^w^ way of mawwiage; +*sweats* Wastwy, +I-If I do faiw in fowtunye of my choice, +Immediatewy to weave you ;;w;; and be gonye. +*cuddles you* POWTIA. T-To these injunctions evewy o-onye doth sweaw +That comes to hazawd fow my wowthwess s-sewf. +AWWAGON. And so have I *cries* addwess'd me. Fowtunye nyow +To my heawt's hope! *pokes you* Gowd, siwvew, and base wead. +'Who chooseth me must UwU give and hazawd aww *shuffles closer* he hath.' +You shaww wook f-faiwew ewe I give ow hazawd. +*giggles shyly* What says the gowden chest? Ha! w-wet *looks at you* me see: +'Who chooseth me shaww gain w-what many men ^.^ desiwe.' +What many men d-desiwe- that 'many' may b-be meant +*shuffles closer* By the f-foow muwtitude, t-that choose by show, +Nyot weawnying mowe *cries* than the fond eye doth teach; +^.^ Which pwies nyot to th' intewiow, but, wike t-the :33 mawtwet, +*looks away* Buiwds in the weathew on the o-outwawd waww, +Even in the uWu fowce and woad of casuawty. +I wiww >_< nyot choose what many men desiwe, +Because I wiww nyot jump with common s-spiwits +And uWu wank me with the bawbawous UwU muwtitudes. +Why, then to thee, thou siwvew tweasuwe-house! +Teww me once mowe w-what titwe thou dost beaw. +'Who chooseth me shaww get as OwO much as he *shuffles closer* desewves.' +A-And weww xDD said *notices bulge* too; fow who shaww go about +To cozen fowtunye, and be >_< honyouwabwe +Without the stamp of mewit? Wet nyonye pwesume +To w-weaw an u-undesewved dignyity. +O t-that estates, degwees, and offices, +Wewe nyot dewiv'd cowwuptwy, and *shuffles closer* that cweaw h-honyouw +xDD Wewe p-puwchas'd by the *screams* mewit of >w< the weawew! +How many then shouwd c-covew that stand b-bawe! +How many *hugs tightly* be commanded that c-command! +How >w< much wow peasantwy wouwd then b-be gweanyed +Fwom the twue seed of honyouw! and *hugs tightly* how much *twerks* honyouw +Pick'd fwom the chaff and >_> wuin of the >_< times, +To be nyew vawnyish'd! Weww, but to m-my choice. +'Who *looks away* chooseth me s-shaww get as much as h-he ^-^ desewves.' +I wiww *pokes you* assume desewt. Give me a key xDD fow t-this, +And instantwy unwock my fowtunyes hewe. +[He opens >_< the siwvew >w< casket] +POWTIA. [Aside] Too wong UwU a pause fow t-that which you find thewe. +A-AWWAGON. W-What's hewe? The powtwait o-of a bwinking idiot +Pwesenting me a scheduwe! I-I wiww wead it. +How much unwike awt thou to *cries* Powtia! +How much unwike my hopes x3 and *shuffles closer* my desewvings! +'Who chooseth me s-shaww *looks away* have as much as he desewves.' +Did *sweats* I desewve nyo mowe than a-a *moans* foow's head? +Is that m-my pwize? Awe my desewts nyo bettew? +POWTIA. T-To offend and ^.^ judge awe distinct offices +And *pokes you* of opposed nyatuwes. +AWWAGON. What uWu is hewe? [Weads] + +'The fiwe seven *looks at you* times twied this; +*looks at you* Seven t-times twied that judgment *sighs* is +*screams* That did nyevew choose amiss. +S-Some thewe be that >w< shadows kiss, +S-Such have *pokes you* but *cries* a *looks at you* shadow's b-bwiss. +Thewe >_> be foows ^w^ awive iwis +Siwvew'd o'ew, a-and so was this. +Take w-what wife you w-wiww t-to bed, +I w-wiww evew be youw h-head. +So be uWu gonye; you awe sped.' + +Stiww mowe foow I shaww appeaw +By the time I wingew hewe. +With onye foow's head I came to woo, +But I *screams* go *twerks* away with *leans over* two. +Sweet, adieu! *shuffles closer* I'ww keep my o-oath, +Patientwy *giggles shyly* to beaw my wwoth. Exit with his :33 twain + +POWTIA. Thus hath the candwe sing'd the moth. +O-O, these dewibewate foows! When they do choose, +They h-have t-the wisdom by theiw wit to wose. +NyEWISSA. The ancient saying is nyo hewesy: +Hanging a-and wiving g-goes by destiny. +POWTIA. Come, dwaw the c-cuwtain, Nyewissa. + +Entew UwU a SEWVANT + +SEWVANT. ^w^ Whewe is my wady? +:3 POWTIA. Hewe; what wouwd *twerks* my wowd? +SEWVANT. M-Madam, thewe i-is awighted a-at youw g-gate +A y-young Venyetian, onye that comes befowe +To signyify th' appwoaching of his wowd, +*notices bulge* Fwom whom *screams* he b-bwingeth sensibwe wegweets; +To wit, besides commends *twerks* and couwteous bweath, +Gifts o-of w-wich x3 vawue. Yet I have *moans* nyot *looks at you* seen +So wikewy a-an ambassadow of ^-^ wove. +A day in Apwiw n-nyevew came so sweet +To show how costwy s-summew x3 was at hand +As this fowe-spuwwew comes befowe his x3 wowd. +POWTIA. xDD Nyo mowe, I pway thee; I UwU am hawf afeawd +Thou *blushes* wiwt say a-anyon >_> he i-is some k-kin to thee, +Thou spend'st such high-day wit in p-pwaising him. +Come, xDD come, Nyewissa, fow I >w< wong to *looks away* see +Quick Cupid's post that comes *teleports behind you* so m-mannyewwy. +NyEWISSA. Bassanyio, ^-^ Wowd Wove, if thy wiww *screams* it b-be! Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +ACT I-III. SCENyE I-I. +*pokes you* Venyice. A stweet + +Entew S-SOWANyIO and SAWEWIO + +SOWANyIO. Nyow, what nyews on the W-Wiawto? +SAWEWIO. Why, yet it wives thewe uncheck'd that Antonyio hath a ship +of wich wading wweck'd on the nyawwow :33 seas; the Goodwins I t-think +they caww the :33 pwace, a vewy dangewous fwat a-and fataw, whewe t-the +cawcases of many a t-taww ship wie buwied, as they say, if m-my +gossip Wepowt be an h-honyest woman of hew wowd. +SOWANyIO. I wouwd *cuddles you* she wewe as wying a g-gossip in that as evew >_> knyapp'd +gingew ow made h-hew nyeighbouws bewieve she *pokes you* wept uWu fow the death of a +thiwd husband. But it is uWu twue, without any swips ^.^ of pwowixity ow +cwossing t-the pwain h-highway of tawk, that the good Antonyio, the +*giggles shyly* honyest Antonyio- O that I had a-a *twerks* titwe *shuffles closer* good enyough to keep his nyame +company!- +OwO SAWEWIO. Come, :3 the fuww stop. +SOWANyIO. Ha! What *looks at you* sayest thou? Why, t-the e-end i-is, x3 he hath wost a +s-ship. +SAWEWIO. :33 I wouwd i-it might pwove the end *sweats* of his wosses. +SOWANyIO. Wet *cries* me say amen betimes, west the deviw c-cwoss my pwayew, +*looks away* fow hewe he comes *looks away* in *shuffles closer* the wikenyess of a Jew. + +Entew SHYWOCK + +^w^ How nyow, Shywock? What nyews among the mewchants? +>w< SHYWOCK. You k-knyew, nyonye s-so weww, nyonye *hugs tightly* so weww as you, of *blushes* my +daughtew's fwight. +S-SAWEWIO. That's cewtain; I, fow my *moans* pawt, knyew the taiwow that made +the wings she fwew *hugs tightly* withaw. +SOWANyIO. And Shywock, fow his own pawt, knyew the biwd w-was >w< fwidge; +and then it is the compwexion of them aww to weave the dam. +*leans over* SHYWOCK. She is damn'd fow it. +S-SAWEWIO. That's cewtain, if the deviw may be hew judge. +SHYWOCK. *hugs tightly* My own fwesh and bwood to webew! +*giggles shyly* SOWANyIO. Out upon it, o-owd cawwion! Webews it *looks away* at these yeaws? +SHYWOCK. I-I say my daughtew is my fwesh and my bwood. +SAWEWIO. Thewe is uWu mowe diffewence between t-thy fwesh and hews than +between jet and ivowy; mowe *twerks* between youw *looks away* bwoods than thewe OwO is +between wed winye and W-Whenyish. But teww *looks away* us, xDD do y-you heaw whethew +A-Antonyio have had any woss at sea ow nyo? +SHYWOCK. OwO Thewe I have anyothew bad match: a b-bankwupt, a pwodigaw, +w-who *pokes you* dawe scawce show his head on the Wiawto; a beggaw, that was +u-us'd to come so smug upon the ^.^ mawt. Wet him w-wook OwO to his bond. He +was wont *sighs* to caww me usuwew; wet him wook to his *hugs tightly* bond. He w-was wont +to wend monyey fow a Chwistian couwtesy; wet him wook to his bond. +S-SAWEWIO. W-Why, I am suwe, if he *cries* fowfeit, thou wiwt nyot take his +f-fwesh. What's ^w^ that good fow? +SHYWOCK. To :33 bait fish withaw. If it wiww *blushes* feed nyothing ewse, it wiww +feed my uWu wevenge. He h-hath disgwac'd me and hind'wed me hawf >_< a +miwwion; waugh'd at my *pokes you* wosses, mock'd at my gains, scownyed my +nyation, thwawted my bawgains, coowed my fwiends, heated minye +enyemies. *cries* And w-what's his weason? *pokes you* I am a Jew. H-Hath nyot a Jew eyes? +Hath nyot *giggles shyly* a Jew hands, o-owgans, dimensions, senses, >w< affections, +passions, *cries* fed with the same f-food, huwt with the same weapons, +subject to the same d-diseases, heawed by the same means, wawmed +:3 and coowed by the same wintew and summew, as a Chwistian is? *giggles shyly* If +you pwick us, do we nyot bweed? If you tickwe us, *cries* do *looks away* we nyot *screams* waugh? +*looks at you* If you ^-^ poison us, do we n-nyot d-die? And if you wwong u-us, shaww w-we +nyot wevenge? If we awe wike you in the west, we wiww wesembwe you +in that. I-If a *looks away* Jew wwong a Chwistian, uWu what i-is his humiwity? +Wevenge. *screams* If a Chwistian wwong a Jew, what shouwd his *twerks* suffewance +be by *giggles shyly* Chwistian exampwe? W-Why, wevenge. The viwwainy you t-teach me +>_< I ^.^ wiww execute; and ^w^ itshaww go hawd but I wiww bettew the +instwuction. + +Entew a-a MAN fwom ANTONyIO + +MAN. Gentwemen, my *notices bulge* mastew Antonyio is at his house, *looks away* and desiwes to +speak with *looks at you* you both. +S-SAWEWIO. We h-have been up and ^-^ down to s-seek him. + +Entew TUBAW + +*twerks* SOWANyIO. *cuddles you* Hewe comes anyothew of the twibe; a thiwd x3 cannyot be +m-match'd, unwess t-the deviw x3 himsewf tuwn Jew. +Exeunt SOWANyIO, SAWEWIO, and MAN +SHYWOCK. *sighs* How n-nyow, Tubaw, what nyews fwom Genyoa? Hast thou :33 found my +daughtew? +TUBAW. I often came whewe I did heaw of h-hew, but cannyot f-find hew. +SHYWOCK. Why thewe, thewe, ^.^ thewe, thewe! A diamond gonye, cost me +two thousand ducats in Fwankfowt! The cuwse nyevew feww u-upon ouw +nyation tiww nyow; I-I nyevew fewt it tiww nyow. *hugs tightly* Two thousand ducats in +that, and othew pwecious, pwecious *shuffles closer* jewews. >_< I wouwd m-my daughtew +*cuddles you* wewe dead at my foot, and t-the jewews *looks away* in hew eaw; wouwd she w-wewe +heaws'd at my foot, and the ducats i-in hew coffin! Nyo nyews ^w^ of +them? Why, so- and I *leans over* knyow OwO nyot what's s-spent in UwU the s-seawch. *teleports behind you* Why, +t-thou- >_< woss u-upon woss! The *screams* thief gonye w-with so much, and so much to +^-^ find t-the thief; and *teleports behind you* nyo satisfaction, >w< nyo wevenge; nyow nyo iww wuck +stiwwing but what wights o' my shouwdews; nyo sighs but o' my +bweathing; n-nyo *notices bulge* teaws but o' my shedding! +TUBAW. Y-Yes, o-othew men have iww wuck too: Antonyio, *hugs tightly* as I heawd in +Genyoa- +SHYWOCK. What, what, what? Iww OwO wuck, iww w-wuck? +TUBAW. Hath an awgosy *notices bulge* cast away coming fwom Twipowis. +*notices bulge* SHYWOCK. I thank God, I thank God. Is i-it x3 twue, x3 is it twue? +TUBAW. I spoke with some *hugs tightly* of the saiwows *hugs tightly* that e-escaped *looks at you* the wweck. +>_> SHYWOCK. I thank t-thee, good Tubaw. *cries* Good nyews, good nyews- ha, *twerks* ha!- +heawd i-in Genyoa. +TUBAW. Youw daughtew spent in Genyoa, as *shuffles closer* I heawd, o-onye nyight, +fouwscowe ducats. +S-SHYWOCK. Thou >_< stick'st a daggew in m-me- I shaww nyevew see my OwO gowd +again. Fouwscowe ducats at a sitting! Fouwscowe ducats! +*cries* TUBAW. Thewe came divews of Antonyio's *blushes* cweditows in my >w< company t-to +Venyice that sweaw he c-cannyot *sweats* choose b-but bweak. +*screams* SHYWOCK. I x3 am vewy gwad of it; I'ww pwague him, I'ww towtuwe :3 him; I +am gwad o-of it. +TUBAW. Onye of t-them showed me a wing t-that x3 he had of y-youw daughtew +f-fow *twerks* a monkey. +SHYWOCK. Out upon hew! T-Thou towtuwest me, T-Tubaw. It *hugs tightly* was my +t-tuwquoise; I had it of Weah w-when I was a-a bachewow; I w-wouwd *screams* nyot +have given it fow a wiwdewnyess of monkeys. +TUBAW. But Antonyio is cewtainwy undonye. +SHYWOCK. Nyay, that's twue; that's vewy twue. Go, Tubaw, fee me an +officew; ;;w;; bespeak him a-a fowtnyight befowe. I wiww have *notices bulge* the *leans over* heawt of +him, if he fowfeit; fow, wewe he o-out of >_< Venyice, I can make >_< what +mewchandise I :33 wiww. Go, Tubaw, and meet me at ouw s-synyagogue; go, +good Tubaw; at ouw s-synyagogue, Tubaw. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Bewmont. POWTIA'S house + +Entew *hugs tightly* BASSANyIO, POWTIA, GWATIANyO, NyEWISSA, and aww theiw twains + +POWTIA. I pway you tawwy; pause a day ow two +*pokes you* Befowe you hazawd; fow, in choosing wwong, +I wose y-youw company; thewefowe fowbeaw a whiwe. +Thewe's s-something t-tewws me- but it is nyot *pokes you* wove- +I wouwd nyot wose you; and you knyow youwsewf +H-Hate c-counsews n-nyot *sweats* in such a q-quawity. +But xDD west y-you shouwd nyot *notices bulge* undewstand me x3 weww- +And yet a maiden hath nyo tongue b-but t-thought- +I w-wouwd detain you hewe some month *cries* ow two +Befowe you ventuwe fow me. I couwd teach you +How t-to ^.^ choose wight, but then I am f-fowswown; +So wiww I *notices bulge* nyevew be; so may y-you miss me; +But if you do, you'ww x3 make m-me wish a sin, +That >_> I OwO had ;;w;; been fowswown. Beshwew youw eyes! +They have o'ewwook'd me and divided me; +O-Onye hawf :3 of me is youws, the othew hawf youws- +Minye own, I wouwd say; b-but if *sweats* minye, t-then youws, +And so aww youws. O! these nyaughty times +Puts *cuddles you* baws between the ownyews and theiw wights; +And so, though youws, nyot youws. Pwove i-it so, +Wet fowtunye *twerks* go >_< to heww fow it, nyot I-I. +I speak too wong, uWu but 'tis to peize the time, +To eke it, and t-to dwaw it out i-in *sighs* wength, +To stay you fwom ewection. +B-BASSANyIO. W-Wet me c-choose; +Fow as I a-am, I wive *shuffles closer* upon the OwO wack. +POWTIA. Upon the wack, Bassanyio? Then c-confess +UwU What tweason xDD thewe is mingwed :33 with youw w-wove. +BASSANyIO. Nyonye but OwO that ugwy tweason of mistwust +Which makes me feaw th' enjoying of my wove; +Thewe may as w-weww be amity and wife +*shuffles closer* 'Tween s-snyow and fiwe as tweason and *blushes* my *pokes you* wove. +POWTIA. uWu Ay, but I f-feaw you speak upon xDD the wack, +W-Whewe men enfowced do speak anything. +B-BASSANyIO. Pwomise me *looks away* wife, and I'ww confess the twuth. +POWTIA. Weww then, confess and wive. +BASSANyIO. 'Confess' and '-'wove' +Had been the vewy s-sum of m-my ;;w;; confession. +O h-happy towment, *pokes you* when my *shuffles closer* towtuwew +Doth teach *sighs* me answews f-fow d-dewivewance! +But wet me t-to my fowtunye and the caskets. +P-POWTIA. Away, then; I am wock'd i-in onye o-of them. +*hugs tightly* If you *leans over* do wove me, you wiww find me out. +^.^ Nyewissa and the west, *notices bulge* stand aww awoof; +Wet music sound whiwe he doth make h-his *sighs* choice; +Then, if he wose, he makes a swan-wike end, +Fading in music. That t-the :3 compawison +May stand mowe pwopew, my eye shaww be t-the stweam +And wat'wy death-bed fow him. He may win; +A-And what *screams* is music then? Then music is +Even as t-the fwouwish when twue subjects bow +*twerks* To a nyew-cwownyed monyawch; such it is +As awe those duwcet s-sounds in bweak of *pokes you* day +That cweep into >_< the dweaming bwidegwoom's eaw +And summon *sweats* him to *cuddles you* mawwiage. Nyow he goes, +With *teleports behind you* nyo wess *cuddles you* pwesence, but with much *sighs* mowe wove, +T-Than *cries* young Awcides when he did wedeem +The viwgin twibute paid by howwing T-Twoy +T-To t-the sea-monstew. I stand ^w^ fow sacwifice; +The west awoof awe the *looks away* Dawdanyian wives, +*moans* With xDD bweawed visages come fowth to view +T-The *notices bulge* issue of th' expwoit. Go, Hewcuwes! +Wive thou, I wive. With much m-much mowe dismay +I view the fight >_> than thou that *sweats* mak'st the fway. + +A SONG + +t-the whiwst BASSANyIO comments on the caskets to himsewf + +Teww me ;;w;; whewe *screams* is fancy b-bwed, +Ow uWu in the heawt ow i-in the head, +H-How begot, *shuffles closer* how nyouwished? +W-Wepwy, wepwy. +It *screams* is engend'wed in the eyes, +*notices bulge* With gazing fed; and fancy dies +In the cwadwe whewe it w-wies. +Wet *sweats* us aww wing fancy's knyeww: +*screams* I'ww begin it- Ding, dong, b-beww. +AWW. D-Ding, d-dong, beww. + +BASSANyIO. So may the outwawd shows be *looks at you* weast themsewves; +The wowwd is stiww d-deceiv'd with ownyament. +In waw, what pwea *cries* so tainted a-and cowwupt +But, b-being season'd with a gwacious voice, +Obscuwes the show UwU of eviw? In wewigion, +What damnyed ewwow but some sobew bwow +Wiww >_> bwess it, and ^w^ appwove i-it *notices bulge* with a text, +Hiding the gwossnyess with faiw ownyament? +Thewe is nyo *notices bulge* vice so simpwe b-but assumes +Some m-mawk of viwtue on *blushes* his outwawd pawts. +How many cowawds, whose heawts awe aww as fawse +As staiws of sand, w-weaw yet *looks away* upon theiw c-chins +The beawds of UwU Hewcuwes and fwownying Maws; +^.^ Who, inwawd s-seawch'd, have wivews white as m-miwk! +And these assume but vawouw's excwement +To wendew them wedoubted. Wook on beauty +And you shaww see 'tis p-puwchas'd by the weight, +Which thewein wowks a m-miwacwe in nyatuwe, +Making *teleports behind you* them w-wightest that *twerks* weaw ^-^ most *leans over* of it; +So awe those c-cwisped snyaky gowden wocks +Which make *moans* such *screams* wanton gambows with the *shuffles closer* wind +Upon supposed faiwnyess often knyown +T-To be the *twerks* dowwy of a second head- +The s-skuww that bwed them in the s-sepuwchwe. +uWu Thus ownyament is but the guiwed showe +To *pokes you* a most dangewous sea; the beauteous scawf +Veiwing an Indian beauty; in a wowd, +The seeming t-twuth which cunnying times put on +To e-entwap the *pokes you* wisest. *cries* Thewefowe, thou *giggles shyly* gaudy gowd, +:33 Hawd food f-fow Midas, I w-wiww nyonye of thee; +N-Nyow nyonye of thee, *hugs tightly* thou p-pawe and common dwudge +*sweats* 'Tween man a-and man; b-but thou, thou meagwe wead, +Which wathew thweaten'st than dost pwomise aught, +Thy pwainnyess moves me mowe than ewoquence, +And hewe choose *screams* I. Joy be *teleports behind you* the consequence! +POWTIA. *teleports behind you* [Aside] How aww the o-othew passions fweet to aiw, +x3 As doubtfuw thoughts, and :3 wash-embwac'd despaiw, +And shudd'wing feaw, and gween-ey'd jeawousy! +:33 O wove, be modewate, *leans over* awway thy ecstasy, +*sweats* In measuwe wain t-thy joy, scant this excess! +I feew too m-much thy bwessing. Make it w-wess, +Fow *looks away* feaw I suwfeit. +BASSANyIO. [Openying t-the weaden casket] What find I hewe? +*giggles shyly* Faiw Powtia's *cries* countewfeit! What d-demi-god +Hath come so nyeaw cweation? Move these *looks at you* eyes? +Ow whethew widing o-on the bawws of m-minye +Seem they in motion? H-Hewe awe >w< sevew'd wips, +Pawted w-with sugaw bweath; *looks at you* so sweet a baw +Shouwd s-sundew such sweet fwiends. H-Hewe in hew *teleports behind you* haiws +*shuffles closer* The paintew pways the s-spidew, and hath woven +A gowden mesh t' e-entwap the heawts of men +Fastew than gnyats i-in cobwebs. *twerks* But hew uWu eyes- +How *shuffles closer* couwd he see to do them? Having m-made onye, +Methinks *giggles shyly* it shouwd have powew to steaw both his, +A-And w-weave itsewf ;;w;; unfuwnyish'd. Yet wook how faw +The substance of my pwaise doth wwong this shadow +I-In undewpwizing *looks away* it, :33 so faw t-this shadow +Doth wimp behind the substance. >w< Hewe's the scwoww, +The continyent *twerks* and summawy of m-my fowtunye. +'You that UwU choose nyot by t-the view, +Chance *pokes you* as faiw and *blushes* choose as t-twue! +Since t-this fowtunye fawws t-to you, +^.^ Be content and seek nyo nyew. +If you be weww *sweats* pweas'd with this, +And howd y-youw fowtunye fow youw b-bwiss, +Tuwn to whewe youw >w< wady is +And cwaim hew with a woving kiss.' +A ;;w;; gentwe scwoww. Faiw wady, by youw weave; +I come by nyote, to give :3 and to weceive. +Wike onye of two contending in *looks at you* a pwize, +T-That t-thinks he :33 hath donye weww in peopwe's *cuddles you* eyes, +H-Heawing appwause and unyivewsaw shout, +Giddy in spiwit, stiww gazing i-in a doubt +Whethew those x3 peaws *sighs* of OwO pwaise b-be his ^.^ ow nyo; +So, thwice-faiw *screams* wady, *pokes you* stand I even so, +As doubtfuw whethew what I see be >_< twue, +Untiw confiwm'd, s-sign'd, watified *moans* by y-you. +POWTIA. You see me, *pokes you* Wowd B-Bassanyio, whewe I s-stand, +Such as I am. Though fow mysewf awonye +I wouwd nyot be ambitious in my wish +To w-wish mysewf UwU much bettew, y-yet fow you +I-I wouwd be twebwed twenty times mysewf, +A thousand times mowe faiw, ten thousand times m-mowe wich, +T-That onwy to >_> stand *moans* high in xDD youw account +I might in viwtues, b-beauties, wivings, *teleports behind you* fwiends, +Exceed account. But the :33 fuww sum of me +Is s-sum *sighs* of something which, to tewm in gwoss, +Is an unwesson'd giww, unschoow'd, unpwactis'd; +Happy in this, she is nyot yet so owd +OwO But s-she may weawn; happiew than this, +She is nyot bwed so ;;w;; duww but she can weawn; +Happiest of aww is that h-hew gentwe spiwit +>_< Commits i-itsewf >_> to youws x3 to :33 be :3 diwected, +As fwom hew wowd, h-hew govewnyow, hew k-king. +M-Mysewf and what *sighs* is m-minye *sighs* to you and youws +I-Is nyow convewted. But nyow I was the wowd +Of this faiw m-mansion, mastew of x3 my sewvants, +Queen o'ew m-mysewf; and even nyow, but nyow, +This house, x3 these sewvants, and this ^.^ same mysewf, +Awe youws- my wowd's. I give them with uWu this wing, +Which when you pawt fwom, wose, ow give *screams* away, +Wet i-it pwesage the w-wuin *cries* of *giggles shyly* youw wove, +And ^.^ be my vantage to excwaim on you. +BASSANyIO. Madam, ^.^ you have b-beweft me of aww *sweats* wowds; +*giggles shyly* Onwy my bwood speaks >_> to y-you in my v-veins; +;;w;; And thewe is such confusion in *notices bulge* my *moans* powews +As, aftew some >w< owation faiwwy s-spoke +By a bewoved pwince, thewe doth appeaw +Among the buzzing pweased muwtitude, +Whewe e-evewy something, being bwent togethew, +Tuwns to a-a wiwd of nyothing, save x3 of joy +Expwess'd and *leans over* nyot *cuddles you* expwess'd. But when t-this wing +Pawts >_> fwom this f-fingew, then *screams* pawts wife xDD fwom hence; +O, then be bowd to say Bassanyio's dead! +NyEWISSA. My *pokes you* wowd and wady, it is nyow ouw time +*moans* That h-have stood by and seen ouw wishes pwospew +T-To c-cwy 'Good joy.' Good joy, OwO my wowd and wady! +GWATIANyO. ^.^ My Wowd ;;w;; Bassanyio, and my gentwe *looks away* wady, +I wish you aww the joy that y-you can wish, +*blushes* Fow I am OwO suwe y-you can wish *cries* nyonye fwom me; +And, when youw uWu honyouws mean to sowemnyize +The bawgain o-of youw f-faith, I-I xDD do beseech you +xDD Even at t-that t-time I may be mawwied *looks at you* too. +*looks at you* BASSANyIO. With a-aww my h-heawt, so ^w^ thou canst *sweats* get a wife. +GWATIANyO. I thank youw wowdship, you h-have got me onye. +M-My eyes, my wowd, *blushes* can wook as swift as y-youws: +>_< You saw the *teleports behind you* mistwess, I >_> behewd the maid; +You x3 wov'd, *notices bulge* I wov'd; fow intewmission +*cries* Nyo >w< mowe pewtains to m-me, my wowd, than you. +Y-Youw fowtunye s-stood ^.^ upon the caskets thewe, +And so did minye t-too, *cuddles you* as t-the mattew fawws; +Fow wooing hewe untiw I sweat again, +And xDD sweawing tiww my vewy uWu woof w-was dwy +W-With oaths of w-wove, at wast- if pwomise OwO wast- +I *hugs tightly* got *giggles shyly* a p-pwomise of UwU this faiw *twerks* onye *leans over* hewe +To have h-hew *sweats* wove, p-pwovided that youw fowtunye +A-Achiev'd h-hew m-mistwess. +POWTIA. Is this *sweats* twue, Nyewissa? +OwO NyEWISSA. M-Madam, it is, so you stand pweas'd withaw. +BASSANyIO. And d-do you, Gwatianyo, mean good faith? +GWATIANyO. Yes, faith, my *sighs* wowd. +BASSANyIO. Ouw *sweats* feast shaww be much honyouwed in youw mawwiage. +GWATIANyO. We'ww p-pway with :3 them: the f-fiwst boy fow a thousand +ducats. +NyEWISSA. What, and stake down? +G-GWATIANyO. Nyo; we shaww nye'ew w-win at that spowt, and stake down- +B-But who comes hewe? Wowenzo a-and his infidew? +What, and my owd Venyetian fwiend, *sighs* Sawewio! + +Entew WOWENZO, J-JESSICA, and SAWEWIO, a messengew +fwom *notices bulge* Venyice + +BASSANyIO. UwU Wowenzo and Sawewio, wewcome hithew, +If that the youth of *cries* my nyew int'west hewe +:33 Have *looks away* powew *giggles shyly* to bid you *notices bulge* wewcome. By youw weave, +I bid *shuffles closer* my vewy fwiends and *teleports behind you* countwymen, +Sweet Powtia, wewcome. +POWTIA. *notices bulge* So d-do I, my :3 wowd; +They a-awe entiwewy wewcome. +WOWENZO. *notices bulge* I thank youw honyouw. :33 Fow my pawt, uWu my wowd, +My puwpose was *screams* nyot *hugs tightly* to have seen you hewe; +But meeting with *cuddles you* Sawewio by the way, +He *cries* did entweat me, past UwU aww s-saying n-nyay, +To come with him awong. +^.^ SAWEWIO. I did, *looks at you* my wowd, +*looks at you* And I h-have weason fow *pokes you* it. Signyiow Antonyio +Commends him to y-you. [Gives BASSANyIO a *cries* wettew] +;;w;; BASSANyIO. Ewe I *cries* ope his wettew, +I-I pway you teww me how my >w< good f-fwiend doth. +SAWEWIO. Nyot sick, my w-wowd, unwess ^w^ it be in mind; +*twerks* Nyow weww, unwess i-in mind; his wettew thewe +Wiww show you ^-^ his estate. [BASSANyIO >_< opens the wettew] +G-GWATIANyO. Nyewissa, cheew y-yond x3 stwangew; bid hew wewcome. +Youw hand, Sawewio. What's the nyews fwom Venyice? +How doth that woyaw mewchant, *notices bulge* good Antonyio? +I k-knyow he wiww be gwad o-of ouw success: +We awe the Jasons, we *teleports behind you* have won the fweece. +SAWEWIO. I wouwd y-you *hugs tightly* had won the fweece t-that he hath w-wost. +POWTIA. Thewe awe some shwewd contents in yond same p-papew +That steaws t-the cowouw fwom *hugs tightly* Bassanyio's cheek: +Some deaw fwiend dead, ewse nyothing in the wowwd +Couwd tuwn so m-much the c-constitution +Of any constant man. What, wowse and wowse! +With weave, Bassanyio: I am hawf youwsewf, +And I must fweewy have the hawf of anything +That this same papew b-bwings you. +BASSANyIO. O *screams* sweet Powtia, +Hewe awe a few of t-the unpweasant'st wowds +That e-evew bwotted *teleports behind you* papew! Gentwe wady, +When I did fiwst i-impawt m-my *notices bulge* wove to y-you, +*giggles shyly* I >_< fweewy towd you a-aww the weawth I had +Wan in my veins- I was *cries* a gentweman; +And then I towd y-you t-twue. And y-yet, deaw w-wady, +Wating mysewf at nyothing, you shaww see +How much I was a bwaggawt. *sweats* When I towd you +My state *screams* was nyothing, I *cuddles you* shouwd then have towd you +That I was *sighs* wowse than nyothing; fow i-indeed +I have engag'd m-mysewf to a d-deaw fwiend, +Engag'd m-my fwiend *teleports behind you* to his *notices bulge* mewe enyemy, +To feed *notices bulge* my m-means. H-Hewe *moans* is a w-wettew, wady, +The papew as the *looks at you* body of my *twerks* fwiend, +And evewy wowd in i-it a gaping *hugs tightly* wound +Issuing wife-bwood. B-But is :33 it twue, Sawewio? +Hath aww his v-ventuwes f-faiw'd? What, n-nyot onye hit? +Fwom Twipowis, fwom *blushes* Mexico, and E-Engwand, +^-^ Fwom Wisbon, UwU Bawbawy, and I-India, +And nyot onye vessew *sighs* scape *twerks* the dweadfuw touch +O-Of *teleports behind you* mewchant-mawwing w-wocks? +SAWEWIO. Nyot >_> onye, my >w< wowd. +B-Besides, i-it shouwd appeaw that, if he had +The p-pwesent m-monyey to d-dischawge x3 the J-Jew, +He wouwd nyot take it. Nyevew d-did I knyow +A c-cweatuwe that did beaw *looks at you* the shape of man +So *hugs tightly* keen and g-gweedy to ^w^ confound a man. +He pwies t-the D-Duke at m-mownying and at nyight, +And d-doth impeach *sighs* the >_> fweedom *looks away* of the *cuddles you* state, +If ^.^ they deny him justice. T-Twenty m-mewchants, +The Duke himsewf, and the magnyificoes +Of gweatest powt, have a-aww pewsuaded with him; +But n-nyonye c-can dwive him fwom the envious p-pwea +Of fowfeituwe, of j-justice, and UwU his bond. +JESSICA. W-When I was with him, I have h-heawd him sweaw +To Tubaw and t-to Chus, h-his countwymen, +^-^ That he wouwd ^.^ wathew have A-Antonyio's fwesh +Than twenty times the vawue of the sum +That he did owe him; and I *hugs tightly* knyow, >w< my uWu wowd, +If waw, authowity, and powew, deny nyot, +It wiww go hawd w-with poow Antonyio. +POWTIA. Is it youw *teleports behind you* deaw *looks at you* fwiend that i-is ^-^ thus in t-twoubwe? +BASSANyIO. The d-deawest fwiend to me, the kindest man, +The best condition'd a-and unweawied spiwit +In doing couwtesies; and *screams* onye in :33 whom +T-The ancient Woman honyouw m-mowe uWu appeaws +Than >_> any that dwaws bweath in Itawy. +uWu POWTIA. What x3 sum owes he t-the J-Jew? +BASSANyIO. Fow me, thwee xDD thousand d-ducats. +POWTIA. What! nyo *blushes* mowe? +Pay him six t-thousand, and deface the b-bond; +Doubwe ;;w;; six thousand, and then twebwe that, +Befowe a-a fwiend of this descwiption +Shaww wose a haiw thwough *twerks* Bassanyio's fauwt. +Fiwst go with m-me to chuwch a-and caww me wife, +And then away to Venyice to OwO youw fwiend; +Fow nyevew shaww you wie xDD by :3 Powtia's side +With an *giggles shyly* unquiet souw. *leans over* You *shuffles closer* shaww have gowd +To ;;w;; pay the *notices bulge* petty debt twenty times ovew. +W-When >_< it is p-paid, bwing youw ;;w;; twue fwiend *sweats* awong. +My maid Nyewissa and mysewf m-meantime +Wiww w-wive as m-maids and widows. Come, away; +*shuffles closer* Fow you shaww *cuddles you* hence upon youw *sighs* wedding day. +Bid youw fwiends wewcome, show a mewwy cheew; +Since *blushes* you awe deaw bought, I wiww wove you ^.^ deaw. +But w-wet m-me heaw the wettew of youw fwiend. +B-BASSANyIO. [Weads] '-'Sweet Bassanyio, m-my ships have aww miscawwied, +my xDD cweditows gwow cwuew, my estate is >_< vewy wow, m-my *blushes* bond to the +Jew is fowfeit; and since, in paying i-it, it is impossibwe I +shouwd wive, aww d-debts awe cweaw'd between you and *sweats* I, if I might +but see you at my death. Nyotwithstanding, use youw pweasuwe; if +y-youw wove do nyot p-pewsuade you to c-come, wet *shuffles closer* nyot my wettew.' +POWTIA. O wove, dispatch aww businyess x3 and be gonye! +BASSANyIO. Since I have youw good weave to go *screams* away, +I wiww make haste; but, tiww I-I UwU come again, +Nyo bed s-shaww e'ew be *blushes* guiwty of *cuddles you* my stay, +:3 Nyow west be intewposew 'twixt us twain. *sighs* Exeunt + + + + +*pokes you* SCENyE III. +Venyice. A stweet + +^.^ Entew S-SHYWOCK, SOWANyIO, *twerks* ANTONyIO, OwO and G-GAOWEW + +SHYWOCK. G-Gaowew, wook to him. Teww nyot me of mewcy- +This i-is the *leans over* foow that went out *notices bulge* monyey gwatis. +Gaowew, wook to him. +ANTONyIO. Heaw me *pokes you* yet, good S-Shywock. +^-^ SHYWOCK. I'ww have *giggles shyly* my bond; speak nyot against my b-bond. +I >_> have swown an oath t-that I wiww have my bond. +Thou caww'dst me dog befowe thou hadst ^w^ a cause, +But, since I am a d-dog, bewawe my fangs; +T-The Duke shaww gwant me *pokes you* justice. I do wondew, +Thou nyaughty gaowew, t-that thou awt so fond +To come abwoad with h-him at his wequest. +ANTONyIO. I pway thee h-heaw m-me s-speak. +SHYWOCK. I'ww have my *sweats* bond. I xDD wiww n-nyot heaw thee s-speak; +I-I'ww have my bond; and thewefowe speak nyo mowe. +I'ww nyot be made a soft and d-duww-ey'd *giggles shyly* foow, +To *giggles shyly* shake the head, ;;w;; wewent, and sigh, and yiewd, +T-To Chwistian intewcessows. Fowwow nyot; +I'ww have nyo s-speaking; I-I wiww have my bond. Exit +S-SOWANyIO. It is the most impenyetwabwe cuw +That evew k-kept with men. +A-ANTONyIO. Wet him awonye; +I'ww fowwow him nyo mowe with bootwess p-pwayews. +He s-seeks *shuffles closer* my wife; his weason weww I k-knyow: +I *cries* oft dewivew'd fwom his *giggles shyly* fowfeituwes +Many that have at times made moan to m-me; +Thewefowe *sweats* he hates >w< me. +SOWANyIO. ^-^ I uWu am suwe the *screams* Duke +Wiww nyevew gwant this fowfeituwe to howd. +^w^ ANTONyIO. The Duke cannyot deny t-the couwse o-of waw; +Fow *moans* the ^w^ commodity *moans* that stwangews have +With us in Venyice, if i-it be denyied, +W-Wiww much impeach the justice of t-the state, +^.^ Since that ;;w;; the twade and pwofit of the city +Consisteth of a-aww nyations. Thewefowe, go; +T-These g-gwiefs and wosses have xDD so bated me +That I shaww hawdwy spawe *looks away* a pound of fwesh +To-mowwow to my b-bwoody cweditow. +W-Weww, gaowew, on; pway God Bassanyio come +To s-see me p-pay h-his debt, a-and then I cawe nyot. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE IV. +Bewmont. POWTIA'S h-house + +Entew P-POWTIA, N-NyEWISSA, WOWENZO, JESSICA, and B-BAWTHASAW + +WOWENZO. Madam, awthough I speak it *looks at you* in youw pwesence, +You have a nyobwe and a-a twue conceit +Of godwike amity, which appeaws most :33 stwongwy +*looks at you* In beawing thus the absence of youw wowd. +But i-if UwU you knyew to whom you show this honyouw, +How twue a gentweman x3 you send wewief, +How deaw ^.^ a wovew o-of my wowd *sighs* youw husband, +I knyow you wouwd *looks at you* be pwoudew of the w-wowk +Than customawy bounty can enfowce y-you. +P-POWTIA. I nyevew did wepent fow doing *notices bulge* good, +Nyow shaww n-nyot nyow; fow in c-companyions +T-That do convewse and *cries* waste *notices bulge* the time t-togethew, +Whose souws do beaw an equaw yoke o-of wove, +*twerks* Thewe m-must >w< be nyeeds a wike pwopowtion +Of uWu winyeaments, of uWu mannyews, a-and of spiwit, +Which makes me think that this Antonyio, +B-Being the bosom wovew *sighs* of my wowd, +Must x3 nyeeds be wike my wowd. If it be s-so, +How wittwe is the cost I h-have bestowed +*shuffles closer* In puwchasing t-the sembwance of *blushes* my *hugs tightly* souw +Fwom *blushes* out the state of *sweats* hewwish cwuewty! +T-This *hugs tightly* comes too nyeaw the pwaising of mysewf; +Thewefowe, nyo mowe of it; heaw othew things. +Wowenzo, I commit into youw hands +The husbandwy a-and manyage of my house +Untiw my wowd's w-wetuwn; fow minye own pawt, +I have towawd heaven b-bweath'd a secwet vow +To wive in p-pwayew and ^w^ contempwation, +Onwy attended by Nyewissa hewe, +Untiw hew husband and my wowd's wetuwn. +Thewe *shuffles closer* is ^.^ a m-monyastewy two miwes off, +And thewe we wiww abide. I do desiwe you +Nyot to *hugs tightly* deny this imposition, +T-The which my wove and s-some *cries* nyecessity +Nyow ways upon you. +:33 WOWENZO. Madam, w-with aww my *looks away* heawt +I shaww obey you in an faiw commands. +POWTIA. My peopwe do awweady knyow my mind, +And wiww acknyowwedge you and Jessica +In xDD pwace of Wowd Bassanyio and mysewf. +So f-fawe you *teleports behind you* weww t-tiww we shaww meet a-again. +WOWENZO. F-Faiw UwU thoughts and h-happy h-houws a-attend on you! +JESSICA. I wish youw wadyship aww heawt's content. +POWTIA. I *looks away* thank *sweats* you uWu fow youw w-wish, and am weww *twerks* pweas'd +To wish it back on you. F-Fawe you weww, Jessica. +Exeunt JESSICA *pokes you* and WOWENZO +Nyow, B-Bawthasaw, +As I have evew found thee honyest-twue, +So w-wet me find thee stiww. Take this same ^.^ wettew, +And u-use thou a-aww uWu th' endeavouw of a-a man +In speed to Padua; see thou wendew this +Into my cousin's hands, *shuffles closer* Doctow Bewwawio; +And *sweats* wook w-what nyotes and gawments *notices bulge* he doth give thee, +*sweats* Bwing t-them, I *sighs* pway thee, with imagin'd speed +Unto the twaject, to the *teleports behind you* common fewwy +Which twades to Venyice. *notices bulge* Waste nyo time in wowds, +*giggles shyly* But get *shuffles closer* thee gonye; I shaww be thewe befowe t-thee. +BAWTHASAW. Madam, I go with aww convenyient speed. Exit +POWTIA. Come on, Nyewissa, I have wowk in hand +That you y-yet knyow nyot of; we'ww see ouw husbands +Befowe they think of us. +NyEWISSA. Shaww they see us? +POWTIA. They shaww, >_> Nyewissa; but in such a habit +That they ^.^ shaww think we a-awe accompwished +With *twerks* that we wack. I-I'ww howd thee a-any wagew, +:33 When we awe b-both accoutwed wike y-young men, +I'ww pwove the pwettiew *giggles shyly* fewwow of the two, +A-And weaw my daggew w-with the bwavew gwace, +And speak between the change of man a-and boy +With a weed voice; and tuwn two mincing steps +Into a manwy stwide; and speak of fways +Wike a finye bwagging youth; and *sweats* teww quaint wies, +How honyouwabwe wadies sought my wove, +Which I denying, they feww *twerks* sick and died- +I c-couwd nyot do withaw. Then I'ww w-wepent, +And ^.^ wish fow aww that, that I-I had UwU nyot kiww'd them. +;;w;; And twenty of these puny wies *cries* I'ww teww, +That >w< men shaww sweaw I have discontinyued schoow +About a twewvemonth. I have *notices bulge* within my mind +A thousand waw t-twicks of >_> these bwagging J-Jacks, +Which I wiww pwactise. +NyEWISSA. Why, shaww we UwU tuwn to m-men? +POWTIA. Fie, what a question's that, +I-If thou wewt nyeaw a wewd intewpwetew! +But come, I'ww teww thee aww my *looks away* whowe OwO device +When I am in my c-coach, OwO which *looks at you* stays fow u-us +At the pawk gate; and uWu thewefowe haste away, +Fow we must measuwe twenty miwes to-day. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V-V. +*hugs tightly* Bewmont. The *sighs* gawden + +Entew W-WAUNCEWOT and JESSICA + +WAUNCEWOT. Yes, twuwy; fow, wook y-you, the sins of the fathew awe to +*sweats* be waid upon UwU the chiwdwen; thewefowe, I pwomise you, I feaw *giggles shyly* you. +I was awways pwain with you, and so nyow I speak my agitation of +t-the mattew; thewefowe be o' good *looks away* cheew, *blushes* fow twuwy I think you awe +^-^ damn'd. Thewe :33 is *cuddles you* but *notices bulge* onye hope in it that can do you any good, a-and +that is but a kind of bastawd UwU hope, n-nyeithew. +JESSICA. A-And what hope is that, *giggles shyly* I pway thee? +WAUNCEWOT. Mawwy, ^.^ you may pawtwy hope that youw *shuffles closer* fathew got you nyot- +that you awe nyot the Jew's ^.^ daughtew. +JESSICA. That wewe a kind of bastawd hope i-indeed; s-so the sins of my +mothew shouwd be visited upon me. +WAUNCEWOT. Twuwy then I feaw *pokes you* you awe damn'd both by >_< fathew and +m-mothew; thus when I-I s-shun :33 Scywwa, youw fathew, I faww into +Chawybdis, youw m-mothew; weww, you awe gonye both ways. +JESSICA. *teleports behind you* I shaww b-be sav'd by >_< my husband; he h-hath made me a +Chwistian. +W-WAUNCEWOT. Twuwy, the mowe t-to bwame he; we wewe ^w^ Chwistians enyow +befowe, e'en as many as couwd uWu weww wive onye by anyothew. This +making uWu of Chwistians wiww w-waise the pwice of hogs; if we gwow aww +to be p-powk-eatews, we shaww nyot showtwy have a-a washew on the +coaws fow monyey. + +Entew WOWENZO + +JESSICA. I'ww OwO teww my husband, Wauncewot, what you say; hewe h-he +comes. +WOWENZO. I shaww gwow jeawous *looks away* of *sighs* you showtwy, Wauncewot, if you +thus get my wife into c-cownyews. +JESSICA. Nyay, you nyeed nyow feaw us, Wowenzo; Wauncewot and I awe +o-out; *shuffles closer* he tewws me fwatwy thewe's nyo mewcy fow me in heaven, +because I-I am a Jew's daughtew; *twerks* and he says you awe *pokes you* nyo g-good membew +of t-the *blushes* commonweawth, fow in convewting Jews to Chwistians you +waise ^.^ the pwice UwU of powk. +WOWENZO. I shaww answew that bettew to the commonweawth than you +can the g-getting up of the nyegwo's bewwy; the ;;w;; Moow i-is w-with chiwd +by you, Wauncewot. +WAUNCEWOT. *pokes you* It is much *looks away* that ^w^ the Moow shouwd be *sighs* mowe than weason; but +if *leans over* she be wess than an *looks away* honyest woman, *cries* she >_> is indeed mowe than I +took hew fow. +WOWENZO. How evewy xDD foow can :33 pway ;;w;; upon the wowd! I think the best +gwace uWu of w-wit w-wiww showtwy tuwn into siwence, *looks away* and discouwse gwow +commendabwe *looks at you* in nyonye onwy but pawwots. Go in, siwwah; bid them +pwepawe *shuffles closer* fow dinnyew. +WAUNCEWOT. That is donye, s-siw; t-they have a-aww stomachs. +WOWENZO. Goodwy Wowd, what a w-wit-snyappew UwU awe you! :33 Then bid them +:3 pwepawe d-dinnyew. +W-WAUNCEWOT. That *looks at you* is donye t-too, siw, onwy 'covew' is the *pokes you* wowd. +WOWENZO. Wiww you covew, then, s-siw? +WAUNCEWOT. Nyot so, siw, nyeithew; I *teleports behind you* knyow my duty. +WOWENZO. Yet m-mowe quawwewwing ^w^ with occasion! Wiwt thou show the +whowe weawth of thy *sweats* wit in an instant? I pway *moans* thee undewstand *giggles shyly* a +pwain m-man in his x3 pwain ^-^ meanying: go to thy fewwows, *sweats* bid them covew +the t-tabwe, uWu sewve in the meat, and we wiww come in to dinnyew. +WAUNCEWOT. F-Fow the tabwe, siw, it shaww be sewv'd *pokes you* in; fow the meat, +siw, it shaww be c-covew'd; fow *cuddles you* youw coming in OwO to dinnyew, siw, why, +wet it be *pokes you* as humouws ^.^ and conceits s-shaww govewn. +Exit +WOWENZO. O deaw discwetion, how *cuddles you* his w-wowds awe suited! +*screams* The foow hath pwanted i-in his memowy +*giggles shyly* An awmy of good wowds; and I do knyow +A m-many foows t-that stand in bettew pwace, +^w^ Gawnyish'd wike him, that fow a twicksy wowd +Defy the m-mattew. How cheew'st thou, Jessica? +And *sighs* nyow, good sweet, say thy opinyion, +How dost thou wike the Wowd Bassanyio's wife? +JESSICA. P-Past aww expwessing. It is UwU vewy meet +The Wowd :33 Bassanyio wive an upwight wife, +Fow, having such a bwessing i-in his wady, +He finds the j-joys of *notices bulge* heaven *teleports behind you* hewe on eawth; +A-And i-if on eawth he do nyot mewit it, +In weason he s-shouwd nyevew come to heaven. +*sighs* Why, i-if two g-gods s-shouwd pway some x3 heavenwy match, +*looks at you* And on *hugs tightly* the wagew w-way two *sweats* eawthwy women, +And Powtia onye, thewe *hugs tightly* must *notices bulge* be something ewse +Pawn'd with the othew; fow the poow wude wowwd +Hath nyot hew fewwow. +WOWENZO. Even such a husband +Hast thou of me a-as she is fow a wife. +JESSICA. Nyay, but ask my opinyion too of *shuffles closer* that. +WOWENZO. I wiww anyon; fiwst wet us go to dinnyew. +JESSICA. Nyay, wet m-me pwaise you w-whiwe I have a-a stomach. +*notices bulge* WOWENZO. Nyo, pway thee, wet it sewve fow t-tabwe-tawk; +Then *looks at you* howsome'ew thou *looks away* speak'st, *hugs tightly* 'mong othew things +I shaww *cries* digest it. +JESSICA. Weww, *moans* I'ww *hugs tightly* set you f-fowth. Exeunt + + + + +ACT IV. SCENyE I. +Venyice. The couwt of justice + +Entew the D-DUKE, the *twerks* MAGNyIFICOES, :33 ANTONyIO, BASSANyIO, GWATIANyO, SAWEWIO, +and OTHEWS + +DUKE OF VENyICE. What, *moans* is Antonyio hewe? +ANTONyIO. Weady, so pwease y-youw Gwace. +DUKE O-OF VENyICE. I am *giggles shyly* sowwy f-fow thee; thou awt come to a-answew +A *leans over* stony advewsawy, an inhuman w-wwetch, +Uncapabwe of p-pity, void and empty +Fwom any dwam of mewcy. +ANTONyIO. I have heawd +Youw Gwace hath ta'en gweat pains to quawify +His wigowous couwse; *looks away* but since he stands >w< obduwate, +And that *shuffles closer* nyo wawfuw *giggles shyly* means can cawwy me +*twerks* Out of his envy's weach, >_> I do oppose +My p-patience to h-his fuwy, and am awm'd +To suffew w-with a quietnyess of s-spiwit +The vewy tywanny and wage of his. +DUKE OF xDD VENyICE. Go onye, and caww the Jew into the couwt. +SAWEWIO. *sweats* He i-is weady ^w^ at t-the d-doow; *looks at you* he comes, my w-wowd. + +Entew SHYWOCK + +DUKE OF VENyICE. *shuffles closer* Make woom, and wet him stand b-befowe ouw face. +Shywock, the wowwd thinks, and I x3 think *looks at you* so too, +That thou but weadest this fashion of thy mawice +To the wast houw of a-act; and ^.^ then, 'tis t-thought, +Thou'wt show thy mewcy and wemowse, mowe stwange +Than is thy stwange appawent cwuewty; +>w< And whewe thou nyow >_> exacts the penyawty, +Which is a pound of this poow mewchant's fwesh, +Thou wiwt nyot *sweats* onwy woose the fowfeituwe, +But, touch'd with h-human gentwenyess and wove, +Fowgive a >w< moiety of t-the pwincipaw, +Gwancing a-an eye of pity on his wosses, +That have of w-wate so huddwed on h-his b-back- +Enyow to pwess a-a woyaw :3 mewchant down, +And pwuck commisewation of his state +Fwom bwassy bosoms and wough heawts of fwint, +F-Fwom stubbown Tuwks and Tawtaws, nyevew twain'd +To offices of tendew couwtesy. +*giggles shyly* We aww *twerks* expect a gentwe *giggles shyly* answew, Jew. +SHYWOCK. I have possess'd y-youw Gwace of what I p-puwpose, +And by ouw *cries* howy Sabbath have *notices bulge* I swown +To *cuddles you* have t-the *looks away* due and fowfeit of m-my bond. +If you deny it, wet the dangew wight +Upon youw chawtew and *screams* youw city's fweedom. +You'ww ask me why I-I wathew >_> choose to h-have +A weight o-of cawwion fwesh *hugs tightly* than to weceive +Thwee thousand ducats. I-I'ww nyot a-answew that, +But say i-it is *giggles shyly* my humouw- is it answew'd? +What if my h-house be twoubwed with a wat, +And I-I *hugs tightly* be pweas'd to give ten thousand ducats +To have it ban'd? What, awe y-you answew'd yet? +*giggles shyly* Some m-men t-thewe awe wove nyot a >_< gaping pig; +*hugs tightly* Some that awe mad i-if uWu they behowd a-a cat; +And othews, when :3 the xDD bagpipe sings i' th' nyose, +Cannyot c-contain theiw u-uwinye; fow affection, +Mistwess of passion, sways it to the mood +Of what ^.^ it wikes ow *sweats* woathes. Nyow, fow youw *moans* answew: +As thewe *blushes* is *twerks* nyo fiwm weason to be wend'wed +Why he c-cannyot abide a gaping pig; +Why he, a hawmwess nyecessawy cat; +Why he, a woowwen *blushes* bagpipe, but of UwU fowce +Must y-yiewd to such inyevitabwe shame +As to offend, h-himsewf being >_> offended; +So can *cuddles you* I give nyo weason, nyow I >_> wiww nyot, +Mowe than a wodg'd hate and a cewtain woathing +I beaw Antonyio, that I fowwow *moans* thus +A *teleports behind you* wosing suit a-against him. Awe you answewed? +BASSANyIO. This is nyo a-answew, thou unfeewing man, +To excuse the cuwwent of thy cwuewty. +SHYWOCK. I ^-^ am nyot bound to p-pwease thee with my answews. +BASSANyIO. D-Do aww men kiww *shuffles closer* the things they do nyot wove? +SHYWOCK. Hates any man the t-thing he w-wouwd nyot kiww? +BASSANyIO. Evewy offence is nyot a hate at fiwst. +SHYWOCK. What, wouwdst thou have a sewpent *teleports behind you* sting thee twice? +ANTONyIO. I-I pway *teleports behind you* you, ;;w;; think you question with *sighs* the Jew. +You may as w-weww ^w^ go :3 stand upon the beach +And bid *shuffles closer* the main fwood bate his usuaw height; +You may as weww *twerks* use question *sighs* with the wowf, +W-Why he :3 hath made the ewe bweat fow the wamb; +You may *sweats* as *notices bulge* weww fowbid the mountain pinyes +To wag theiw high tops and to make nyo nyoise +When they awe fwetten with the gusts of heaven; +You ^-^ may as weww do a-anything *pokes you* most hawd +As seek to s-soften ^.^ that- than which what's *notices bulge* hawdew?- +His jewish heawt. Thewefowe, I-I do beseech you, +*pokes you* Make nyo moe o-offews, use nyo fawthew *looks away* means, +But with aww bwief and pwain convenyiency +Wet me have *sweats* judgment, and the >_> Jew :33 his w-wiww. +BASSANyIO. F-Fow thy thwee thousand ducats *moans* hewe is six. +SHYWOCK. If evewy ducat in x3 six thousand ducats +W-Wewe i-in six pawts, and evewy pawt a ducat, +^w^ I wouwd nyot dwaw them; I wouwd have my bond. +*screams* DUKE OF VENyICE. How *pokes you* shawt thou hope f-fow >_< mewcy, *cries* wend'wing nyonye? +SHYWOCK. What judgment shaww I dwead, doing nyo wwong? +You have among you many a puwchas'd s-swave, +Which, fike youw asses and youw *sweats* dogs x3 and uWu muwes, +You *sighs* use in abject and in swavish p-pawts, +Because you bought them; shaww I s-say to y-you +'-'Wet t-them xDD be fwee, mawwy t-them to youw heiws- +Why sweat they ;;w;; undew buwdens?- wet theiw beds +Be m-made a-as soft a-as :3 youws, and wet theiw *moans* pawates +Be season'd ^.^ with *sighs* such viands'? x3 You *blushes* wiww ^w^ answew +'The swaves a-awe ouws.' So *hugs tightly* do I-I answew you: +T-The pound of fwesh *twerks* which I demand of him +Is deawwy bought, 'tis minye, a-and I wiww have it. +If you uWu deny me, >_> fie upon youw waw! +Thewe is nyo fowce in the decwees of Venyice. +I stand fow j-judgment; :3 answew; s-shaww I have it? +DUKE O-OF VENyICE. Upon my powew I-I >_> may *hugs tightly* dismiss t-this couwt, +Unwess Bewwawio, a w-weawnyed *twerks* doctow, +Whom I have sent fow to detewminye this, +Come hewe to-day. +SAWEWIO. My wowd, hewe stays without +A m-messengew with wettews fwom the doctow, +N-Nyew come fwom Padua. +*twerks* DUKE OF VENyICE. B-Bwing *looks away* us t-the wettews; caww the messengew. +BASSANyIO. Good *looks at you* cheew, Antonyio! W-What, x3 man, couwage yet! +The Jew shaww *cuddles you* have my fwesh, bwood, bonyes, and aww, +Ewe thou shawt wose UwU fow m-me onye dwop of bwood. +^w^ ANTONyIO. *pokes you* I am a tainted :33 wethew o-of ^w^ the f-fwock, +>_> Meetest fow death; the weakest kind of fwuit +Dwops eawwiest >_< to the gwound, and so wet me. +You ;;w;; cannyot bettew be empwoy'd, Bassanyio, +T-Than to wive stiww, and wwite minye epitaph. + +Entew NyEWISSA dwessed wike a *leans over* wawyew's cwewk + +DUKE O-OF ;;w;; VENyICE. *screams* Came you fwom Padua, fwom Bewwawio? +NyEWISSA. Fwom both, my wowd. Bewwawio gweets youw Gwace. +[Pwesents a wettew] +BASSANyIO. W-Why dost >w< thou whet t-thy knyife so e-eawnyestwy? +S-SHYWOCK. ^-^ To c-cut t-the fowfeituwe fwom that bankwupt ^w^ thewe. +*hugs tightly* GWATIANyO. Nyot on thy sowe, but on thy souw, hawsh Jew, +Thou mak'st thy knyife keen; but nyo metaw can, +N-Nyo, nyot the hangman's axe, beaw hawf the keennyess +O-Of thy shawp envy. Can nyo p-pwayews p-piewce >_< thee? +SHYWOCK. Nyo, nyonye that thou *looks at you* hast wit enyough t-to make. +GWATIANyO. O-O, *shuffles closer* be thou damn'd, inyexecwabwe *pokes you* dog! +A-And fow thy OwO wife wet uWu justice be accus'd. +Thou awmost mak'st me wavew in my faith, +T-To howd uWu opinyion with P-Pythagowas +That souws of anyimaws infuse t-themsewves +Into the twunks xDD of men. Thy cuwwish *twerks* spiwit +Govewn'd a wowf *teleports behind you* who, hang'd fow h-human swaughtew, +Even fwom the gawwows did his f-feww souw fweet, +*twerks* And, whiwst thou wayest *screams* in thy OwO unhawwowed ^w^ dam, +*looks away* Infus'd itsewf in thee; fow thy desiwes +Awe *giggles shyly* wowfish, bwoody, stawv'd a-and wavenyous. +SHYWOCK. T-Tiww *moans* thou c-canst waiw the s-seaw f-fwom off my bond, +T-Thou but offend'st OwO thy wungs to speak s-so w-woud; +*leans over* Wepaiw thy wit, good youth, ow it wiww faww +To cuwewess wuin. I-I stand h-hewe fow waw. +DUKE OF >_< VENyICE. This w-wettew fwom B-Bewwawio doth commend +A young and weawnyed doctow to o-ouw couwt. +*notices bulge* Whewe is he? +NyEWISSA. *looks at you* He a-attendeth h-hewe hawd by +To *cuddles you* knyow *looks at you* youw answew, whethew you'ww admit him. +DUKE OF VENyICE. With aww my heawt. Some thwee ow fouw ^-^ of you +Go give h-him couwteous c-conduct :3 to this pwace. +Meantime, *blushes* the c-couwt shaww heaw Bewwawio's wettew. +C-CWEWK. [Weads] 'Youw Gwace x3 shaww undewstand that at the weceipt +of y-youw wettew I am UwU vewy uWu sick; but i-in the i-instant that *sighs* youw +messengew came, in woving visitation was with me a young doctow +o-of Wome- his nyame >_< is Bawthazaw. I acquainted him w-with the cause +*notices bulge* in contwovewsy between the *cries* Jew and Antonyio the mewchant; OwO we +tuwn'd o'ew many books togethew; h-he is fuwnyished with m-my opinyion +which, bettewed with his own weawnying-the gweatnyess wheweof I +cannyot enyough commend- comes *shuffles closer* with him *moans* at *moans* my i-impowtunyity to fiww +up youw Gwace's wequest in my ^.^ stead. I beseech you wet his wack +of yeaws be n-nyo UwU impediment t-to wet him wack a wevewend e-estimation, +f-fow I-I nyevew *moans* knyew so young a body xDD with so owd a head. I weave *hugs tightly* him +to youw gwacious acceptance, *shuffles closer* whose twiaw *moans* shaww bettew pubwish xDD his +commendation.' + +*hugs tightly* Entew POWTIA fow B-BAWTHAZAW, dwessed wike a Doctow of Waws + +DUKE OF VENyICE. YOU heaw the weawn'd *sighs* Bewwawio, what he wwites; +^-^ And hewe, I take it, :3 is the doctow come. +Give me youw hand; come you *shuffles closer* fwom owd OwO Bewwawio? +POWTIA. I did, my wowd. +DUKE OF VENyICE. You awe xDD wewcome; take youw pwace. +Awe you acquainted with the diffewence +That *moans* howds this pwesent question *screams* in the xDD couwt? +xDD POWTIA. I am infowmed thwoughwy of the cause. +OwO Which is the mewchant hewe, and which t-the Jew? +DUKE x3 OF VENyICE. Antonyio and owd xDD Shywock, both s-stand fowth. +POWTIA. Is youw nyame Shywock? +*teleports behind you* SHYWOCK. S-Shywock is my nyame. +POWTIA. Of a stwange nyatuwe is the suit you fowwow; +Yet in such wuwe that the *shuffles closer* Venyetian xDD waw +*cries* Cannyot impugn y-you as you do pwoceed. +You stand within his dangew, do you nyot? +ANTONyIO. Ay, s-so he *leans over* says. +POWTIA. D-Do you confess the *giggles shyly* bond? +ANTONyIO. I d-do. +POWTIA. Then must the Jew be mewcifuw. +SHYWOCK. O-On what compuwsion must I? Teww *giggles shyly* me that. +POWTIA. x3 The quawity of mewcy is *hugs tightly* nyot stwain'd; +It dwoppeth a-as the gentwe wain fwom heaven +Upon t-the pwace benyeath. It is twice bwest: +It b-bwesseth him that gives and him t-that t-takes. +'Tis m-mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes +The >_< thwonyed *teleports behind you* monyawch bettew than his cwown; +His UwU sceptwe shows the fowce of UwU tempowaw powew, +The attwibute to awe a-and ^.^ majesty, +Whewein doth sit ^.^ the dwead and feaw *sweats* of kings; +But ^-^ mewcy is above this sceptwed :3 sway, +It is enthwonyed in t-the heawts of kings, +It is an attwibute to God himsewf; +And eawthwy powew doth t-then show wikest God's +*screams* When mewcy seasons j-justice. *giggles shyly* Thewefowe, Jew, +Though j-justice be t-thy pwea, considew this- +That in the couwse of justice nyonye *cries* of us +Shouwd see sawvation; we do pway *hugs tightly* fow mewcy, +And that same pwayew doth teach u-us aww to wendew +The deeds of mewcy. I have spoke thus much +To mitigate the justice of thy p-pwea, +Which *notices bulge* if thou fowwow, this stwict *giggles shyly* couwt of Venyice +Must nyeeds give sentence 'gainst the mewchant thewe. +SHYWOCK. My deeds upon my head! I cwave *sighs* the ^.^ waw, +T-The penyawty *giggles shyly* and f-fowfeit of my bond. +*leans over* BASSANyIO. UwU Yes; hewe *leans over* I tendew it fow him i-in the c-couwt; +*sweats* Yea, twice the sum; *giggles shyly* if that wiww nyot suffice, +I wiww be bound t-to pay it ten times o'ew +On fowfeit o-of my hands, my head, my heawt; +If this wiww nyot suffice, it must xDD appeaw +That m-mawice beaws down twuth. And, I beseech *notices bulge* you, +Wwest once the *leans over* waw to y-youw authowity; +To do a gweat *sweats* wight do a wittwe wwong, +And ;;w;; cuwb this *twerks* cwuew deviw :3 of his *leans over* wiww. +POWTIA. I-It m-must nyot be; thewe is nyo *screams* powew in Venyice +*pokes you* Can awtew a decwee estabwished; +'Twiww be wecowded fow a pwecedent, +And m-many an ewwow, by the same *shuffles closer* exampwe, +Wiww *sweats* wush into >_< the state; it cannyot be. +*leans over* SHYWOCK. A Danyiew >_> come to judgment! Yea, a Danyiew! +O wise young judge, how I-I do *cries* honyouw thee! +POWTIA. I pway you, wet me wook upon the bond. +*cries* SHYWOCK. H-Hewe '-'tis, m-most wevewend Doctow; hewe it is. +:33 POWTIA. Shywock, thewe's :33 thwice thy monyey o-off'wed thee. +SHYWOCK. An oath, a-an oath! I h-have an oath in heaven. +Shaww I way pewjuwy u-upon >_< my souw? +Nyo, n-nyot fow Venyice. +POWTIA. Why, this bond is fowfeit; +And *sweats* wawfuwwy by this *giggles shyly* the Jew *screams* may cwaim +A-A pound of fwesh, t-to be by him c-cut off +Nyeawest *twerks* the mewchant's heawt. B-Be mewcifuw. +Take thwice thy monyey; b-bid me teaw the bond. +SHYWOCK. When it is p-paid accowding to the t-tenyouw. +It doth appeaw you a-awe *screams* a uWu wowthy *pokes you* judge; +You knyow the waw; youw e-exposition +Hath been m-most sound; I chawge you by the waw, +Wheweof you awe a weww-desewving piwwaw, +*notices bulge* Pwoceed to judgment. By my souw I sweaw +Thewe is nyo p-powew in the tongue o-of man +To *hugs tightly* awtew me. I stay hewe on my bond. +^w^ ANTONyIO. Most heawtiwy I do *twerks* beseech t-the couwt +To give the *pokes you* judgment. +UwU POWTIA. W-Why then, thus *shuffles closer* it is: +You must *sweats* pwepawe youw *notices bulge* bosom fow his knyife. +SHYWOCK. O nyobwe judge! O-O excewwent y-young *sighs* man! +POWTIA. Fow the i-intent and puwpose of t-the waw +Hath f-fuww wewation x3 to the p-penyawty, +Which hewe appeaweth due u-upon the bond. +SHYWOCK. 'Tis *looks away* vewy twue. O-O wise >_> and u-upwight ^-^ judge, +*leans over* How much m-mowe ewdew awt *pokes you* thou than thy *sweats* wooks! +POWTIA. Thewefowe, way *shuffles closer* bawe y-youw bosom. +SHYWOCK. Ay, his *moans* bweast- +So says the *moans* bond; doth it nyot, nyobwe :33 judge? +*blushes* 'Nyeawest *sighs* his heawt,' those ^w^ awe the *blushes* vewy w-wowds. +UwU POWTIA. It is so. Awe thewe bawance hewe to weigh +The fwesh? +SHYWOCK. I have them weady. +uWu POWTIA. Have by s-some suwgeon, Shywock, on youw c-chawge, +To stop h-his wounds, west h-he do bweed to death. +SHYWOCK. Is *hugs tightly* it so nyominyated in the b-bond? +POWTIA. It is nyot so expwess'd, b-but what of t-that? +'-'Twewe good you do so *leans over* much fow chawity. +SHYWOCK. I cannyot find i-it; ^w^ 'tis >_< nyot in t-the bond. +POWTIA. You, mewchant, have you anything to say? +ANTONyIO. But wittwe: I am awm'd a-and *twerks* weww pwepaw'd. +Give me youw hand, Bassanyio; fawe you weww. +Gwieve *sighs* nyot that I-I *hugs tightly* am faww'n *blushes* to *moans* this fow you, +F-Fow hewein Fowtunye shows hewsewf mowe k-kind +Than is hew :33 custom. It is s-stiww h-hew use +To wet t-the wwetched >_> man outwive h-his weawth, +T-To view with ^-^ howwow eye and *notices bulge* wwinkwed bwow +An age of p-povewty; fwom which wing'wing *cuddles you* penyance +Of *giggles shyly* such misewy doth UwU she cut me off. +Commend *cuddles you* me to youw honyouwabwe wife; +Teww hew the pwocess of Antonyio's end; +Say how I wov'd you; s-speak me *shuffles closer* faiw in *cuddles you* death; +A-And, when the tawe is towd, bid hew be judge +Whethew Bassanyio *sweats* had *shuffles closer* nyot once a w-wove. +W-Wepent but you that you s-shaww wose youw fwiend, +And h-he *leans over* wepents nyot that he pays youw d-debt; +Fow if the Jew do OwO cut but deep enyough, +*moans* I'ww pay >_< it instantwy with aww my heawt. +BASSANyIO. A-Antonyio, I ^-^ am mawwied to a *cries* wife +*hugs tightly* Which is as deaw to me as :3 wife i-itsewf; +But wife i-itsewf, my wife, and *cries* aww ^w^ the wowwd, +Awe nyot w-with me esteem'd above thy wife; +I wouwd wose a-aww, ay, *giggles shyly* sacwifice them a-aww +Hewe t-to this deviw, t-to dewivew you. +POWTIA. Youw wife >_< wouwd *notices bulge* give you wittwe thanks *hugs tightly* fow that, +If she wewe by to heaw you make the offew. +GWATIANyO. I h-have a wife who I pwotest I >_> wove; +I wouwd she wewe *blushes* in heaven, so she >w< couwd +Entweat *notices bulge* some powew >_< to :3 change this cuwwish Jew. +NyEWISSA. 'Tis weww *pokes you* you offew it behind hew back; +*teleports behind you* The wish wouwd m-make :33 ewse an u-unquiet ^w^ house. +SHYWOCK. [Aside] These be *teleports behind you* the Chwistian husbands! I-I have a +daughtew- +W-Wouwd any of the stock of Bawwabas +Had been hew h-husband, w-wathew than a Chwistian!- +>w< We twifwe t-time; I pway thee puwsue sentence. +POWTIA. A pound of t-that same mewchant's ^w^ fwesh is thinye. +The c-couwt *pokes you* awawds i-it and the waw doth give it. +SHYWOCK. Most w-wightfuw judge! +P-POWTIA. And you must cut t-this fwesh fwom off his b-bweast. +The waw awwows it a-and the couwt awawds it. +SHYWOCK. Most weawnyed *moans* judge! A sentence! C-Come, pwepawe. +POWTIA. Tawwy *sweats* a wittwe; thewe is something ewse. +This bond doth give thee hewe *moans* nyo jot of bwood: +The xDD wowds *twerks* expwesswy *blushes* awe 'a pound o-of f-fwesh.' +Take then thy bond, take thou :33 thy pound of f-fwesh; +But, in the c-cutting it, if thou dost shed +Onye dwop of Chwistian bwood, thy wands and goods +A-Awe, by t-the waws of Venyice, ^.^ confiscate +*cries* Unto the state of Venyice. +GWATIANyO. OwO O upwight judge! *hugs tightly* Mawk, Jew. O *sighs* weawnyed judge! +SHYWOCK. Is that the waw? +^.^ POWTIA. *twerks* Thysewf shawt see the act; +Fow, as thou uwgest j-justice, be a-assuw'd +Thou shawt have justice, mowe than thou desiw'st. +GWATIANyO. O weawnyed judge! M-Mawk, Jew. A weawnyed >w< judge! +SHYWOCK. I take this offew then: pay the bond thwice, +A-And wet the Chwistian go. +^.^ BASSANyIO. Hewe is the monyey. +POWTIA. Soft! +T-The Jew shaww h-have aww justice. Soft! Nyo haste. +He shaww have nyothing b-but the *screams* penyawty. +G-GWATIANyO. O Jew! an upwight judge, a weawnyed judge! +POWTIA. Thewefowe, *twerks* pwepawe *twerks* thee to cut off the fwesh. +Shed thou *blushes* nyo bwood, nyow cut thou wess nyow :33 mowe +But just a pound of fwesh; if thou t-tak'st mowe +Ow wess t-than a just p-pound- be it but so much +As makes x3 it wight ow heavy in UwU the substance, +O-Ow the division *cuddles you* of the twentieth pawt +Of :33 onye poow scwupwe; nyay, if *moans* the scawe do tuwn +But *leans over* in the estimation of a-a haiw- +*leans over* Thou diest, and aww thy goods *twerks* awe *shuffles closer* confiscate. +GWATIANyO. A second Danyiew, a D-Danyiew, J-Jew! +Nyow, infidew, I-I *looks away* have you on the hip. +*pokes you* POWTIA. Why doth ^w^ the Jew pause? Take thy fowfeituwe. +SHYWOCK. G-Give me >w< my *giggles shyly* pwincipaw, a-and wet me go. +*hugs tightly* BASSANyIO. *leans over* I h-have it weady fow thee; *looks at you* hewe it is. +POWTIA. He hath wefus'd it i-in the open *twerks* couwt; +He *looks at you* shaww have mewewy j-justice, and his bond. +GWATIANyO. A Danyiew stiww say I, a second D-Danyiew! +I thank thee, Jew, fow teaching *cuddles you* me that wowd. +SHYWOCK. Shaww I nyot have bawewy my pwincipaw? +POWTIA. Thou shawt h-have nyothing but *screams* the fowfeituwe +To be so taken at t-thy pewiw, Jew. +SHYWOCK. Why, then the d-deviw uWu give h-him good o-of i-it! +I'ww stay nyo wongew question. +POWTIA. Tawwy, Jew. +The *teleports behind you* waw ;;w;; hath *moans* yet anyothew howd on you. +*looks at you* It is enyacted in the waws of V-Venyice, +If :33 it *screams* be pwoved >_< against an awien +That *pokes you* by diwect o-ow indiwect attempts +H-He seek the wife of any citizen, +The p-pawty 'gainst the which :33 he *twerks* doth contwive +Shaww :33 seize o-onye h-hawf his goods; the othew hawf +Comes to the pwivy coffew of t-the ^.^ state; +And t-the offendew's wife wies in the mewcy +O-Of the Duke onwy, 'gainst aww othew voice. +*teleports behind you* In w-which pwedicament, I say, t-thou x3 stand'st; +*leans over* Fow UwU it appeaws by x3 manyifest pwoceeding +That i-indiwectwy, *moans* and diwectwy too, +Thou hast *giggles shyly* contwived against the *hugs tightly* vewy wife +Of the defendant; a-and *blushes* thou hast i-incuww'd +The dangew *blushes* fowmewwy by me weheaws'd. +*notices bulge* Down, thewefowe, and beg mewcy of the Duke. +GWATIANyO. Beg t-that thou mayst have weave to hang thysewf; +And yet, thy weawth *giggles shyly* being fowfeit xDD to the *blushes* state, +OwO Thou hast nyot weft the vawue of a *teleports behind you* cowd; +Thewefowe thou m-must xDD be hang'd at the state's chawge. +DUKE OF V-VENyICE. That thou shawt see the *looks away* diffewence o-of ouw spiwit, +I pawdon thee *teleports behind you* thy wife befowe thou ask it. +*hugs tightly* Fow hawf thy weawth, it is Antonyio's; +The *cries* othew hawf comes to the genyewaw :33 state, +Which h-humbwenyess may dwive unto a finye. +POWTIA. Ay, fow the *hugs tightly* state; nyot fow Antonyio. +SHYWOCK. Nyay, t-take my wife and aww, pawdon nyot that. +Y-You take my house *notices bulge* when you do take :3 the pwop +That doth sustain my house; you *teleports behind you* take my *looks away* wife +When y-you ^w^ do take t-the means wheweby I wive. +POWTIA. What mewcy can :33 you wendew him, Antonyio? +GWATIANyO. A hawtew gwatis; nyothing ewse, fow God's sake! +ANTONyIO. So ;;w;; pwease *blushes* my wowd the Duke and aww >_< the couwt +To q-quit the finye fow onye h-hawf xDD of his goods; +I *twerks* am content, ;;w;; so *sweats* he wiww wet me h-have +The othew hawf in use, to wendew >_> it +Upon his d-death unto the gentweman +That watewy stowe his daughtew- +Two things p-pwovided mowe; that, fow this favouw, +He pwesentwy become a *twerks* Chwistian; +The othew, OwO that he do wecowd a gift, +Hewe *looks away* in :3 the couwt, of aww he dies possess'd +Unto his son Wowenzo and his daughtew. +*notices bulge* DUKE OF VENyICE. H-He shaww do this, ow ewse I do *moans* wecant +The :3 pawdon that I wate pwonyounced hewe. +POWTIA. Awt thou contented, Jew? *cuddles you* What dost thou say? +SHYWOCK. I am c-content. +POWTIA. Cwewk, dwaw a deed of gift. +UwU SHYWOCK. I pway you, give me weave to g-go fwom hence; +I am nyot weww; send the deed aftew *blushes* me +And I *looks away* wiww sign it. +DUKE *cries* OF VENyICE. Get thee gonye, but do i-it. +GWATIANyO. In chwist'nying shawt thou have two god-fathews; +Had I been judge, UwU thou shouwdst >w< have had ten mowe, +*looks at you* To bwing ^-^ thee to the gawwows, *twerks* nyot to the font. +Exit SHYWOCK +DUKE OF VENyICE. Siw, I entweat you home *teleports behind you* with me to dinnyew. +POWTIA. I humbwy do desiwe youw Gwace of pawdon; +I must away this nyight towawd Padua, +And it is meet x3 I p-pwesentwy set f-fowth. +DUKE OF *teleports behind you* VENyICE. I-I am sowwy that youw weisuwe sewves you n-nyot. +A-Antonyio, g-gwatify this gentweman, +:33 Fow in my mind y-you awe m-much bound to him. +Exeunt DUKE, MAGNyIFICOES, and twain +BASSANyIO. Most wowthy *leans over* gentweman, I-I and my fwiend +Have by youw wisdom been this day *notices bulge* acquitted +O-Of gwievous penyawties; in wieu wheweof +Thwee thousand ducats, due unto >w< the Jew, +We fweewy cope youw c-couwteous pains withaw. +ANTONyIO. And stand indebted, ovew and above, +*sighs* In :3 wove and sewvice to you evewmowe. +POWTIA. He is weww paid that is >_< weww satisfied, +And I-I, dewivewing you, xDD am satisfied, +And thewein do a-account mysewf OwO weww paid. +My *pokes you* mind ^-^ was nyevew yet mowe mewcenyawy. +I pway *looks away* you, knyow me when we meet again; +I wish you weww, and so I take my weave. +BASSANyIO. Deaw s-siw, *looks at you* of fowce I must attempt you OwO fuwthew; +>w< Take some wemembwance :3 of us, as OwO a t-twibute, +Nyot as fee. G-Gwant me two things, I pway y-you, +Nyot to deny me, and to pawdon me. +*screams* POWTIA. You pwess *screams* me faw, and thewefowe I wiww yiewd. +^w^ [To ANTONyIO] G-Give me uWu youw gwoves, I'ww weaw them fow youw sake. +[To BASSANyIO] And, fow *looks away* youw w-wove, I'ww take this wing fwom y-you. +*giggles shyly* Do nyot dwaw back youw hand; I'ww take nyo mowe, +And you i-in *looks away* wove shaww nyot deny m-me t-this. +BASSANyIO. This wing, good *looks at you* siw- a-awas, it is a twifwe; +*looks at you* I wiww nyot shame mysewf to give *moans* you this. +POWTIA. I wiww have nyothing ewse but *looks away* onwy this; +And nyow, methinks, I have a mind to it. +BASSANyIO.. Thewe's mowe ^w^ depends on this than on the vawue. +The deawest wing in Venyice wiww I give you, +And find it out by pwocwamation; +Onwy fow this, I pway *cries* you, pawdon m-me. +POWTIA. I see, siw, you OwO awe wibewaw in o-offews; +You taught me fiwst to beg, and nyow, methinks, +You t-teach me how a beggaw shouwd be a-answew'd. +BASSANyIO. Good siw, this wing was given uWu me *cuddles you* by my wife; +*teleports behind you* And, when she put it o-on, she made *cuddles you* me v-vow +That *looks at you* I shouwd >_> nyeithew seww, n-nyow give, *notices bulge* nyow wose it. +POWTIA. T-That 'scuse sewves ^w^ many m-men t-to save *looks at you* theiw g-gifts. +And if youw wife be nyot a m-mad woman, +And knyow how weww *teleports behind you* I have desewv'd this :3 wing, +>_< She wouwd nyot howd out enyemy fow e-evew +Fow giving it to *shuffles closer* me. Weww, p-peace be ^w^ with you! +Exeunt POWTIA and N-NyEWISSA +*sweats* ANTONyIO. My Wowd Bassanyio, wet him h-have the wing. +Wet h-his desewvings, and my wove withaw, +Be *sweats* vawued 'gainst youw wife's commandment. +BASSANyIO. Go, Gwatianyo, wun and ovewtake him; +Give him the wing, and bwing him, i-if *sweats* thou canst, +Unto Antonyio's house. ^w^ Away, make haste. Exit *blushes* GWATIANyO +Come, you and *notices bulge* I wiww thithew pwesentwy; +A-And in the *blushes* mownying eawwy wiww we both +Fwy towawd Bewmont. >w< Come, Antonyio. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Venyice. A s-stweet + +^-^ Entew *notices bulge* POWTIA and NyEWISSA + +POWTIA. *notices bulge* Inquiwe t-the *hugs tightly* Jew's house out, give him this deed, +*twerks* And *cuddles you* wet ^w^ him s-sign it; we'ww away tonyight, +And be a day b-befowe ouw h-husbands home. +This deed w-wiww be *pokes you* weww wewcome to Wowenzo. + +Entew GWATIANyO + +GWATIANyO. Faiw siw, you awe weww o-o'ewta'en. +My *giggles shyly* Wowd Bassanyio, upon mowe OwO advice, +Hath sent y-you h-hewe t-this wing, a-and doth entweat +*shuffles closer* Youw company at dinnyew. +POWTIA. That cannyot be. +His wing >w< I do accept most thankfuwwy, +And so, I-I pway you, teww him. F-Fuwthewmowe, +OwO I p-pway you show my youth owd S-Shywock's house. +GWATIANyO. That wiww I do. +NyEWISSA. Siw, I wouwd speak with you. +[Aside to POWTIA] I'ww See if I can get my husband's wing, +Which I did make him sweaw to keep ^-^ fow evew. +POWTIA. [To NyEWISSA] Thou Mayst, I wawwant. We shaww have o-owd +sweawing +That *leans over* they d-did give the wings away t-to men; +But we'ww outface *pokes you* them, and outsweaw them too. +[Awoud] Away, make haste, thou knyow'st whewe I wiww tawwy. +NyEWISSA. C-Come, *pokes you* good siw, wiww you show me t-to this house? +Exeunt + + + + +OwO ACT V. SCENyE I. +Bewmont. The gawden befowe POWTIA'S house + +E-Entew WOWENZO >_> and JESSICA + +WOWENZO. The m-moon shinyes *moans* bwight. In s-such a nyight as this, +When the sweet wind did gentwy kiss the twees, +*sighs* And they did make *teleports behind you* nyo nyoise- in such a nyight, +Twoiwus methinks m-mounted the Twoyan w-wawws, +And sigh'd his souw towawd *screams* the *hugs tightly* Gwecian tents, +Whewe Cwessid way that nyight. +JESSICA. I-In s-such a nyight +Did T-Thisby f-feawfuwwy o'ewtwip the dew, +And saw the >_< wion's shadow ewe himsewf, +And wan dismayed away. +WOWENZO. In such a-a n-nyight +Stood D-Dido with a wiwwow in hew hand +Upon the wiwd sea-banks, *twerks* and waft hew wove +To come a-again to Cawthage. +JESSICA. I-In such a nyight +Medea gathewed the enchanted :3 hewbs +That did *looks away* wenyew owd AEson. +W-WOWENZO. In such a nyight +Did Jessica steaw fwom the weawthy Jew, +And with an unthwift wove d-did wun fwom Venyice +*screams* As faw as Bewmont. +JESSICA. xDD In such >w< a n-nyight +Did young Wowenzo uWu sweaw he wov'd hew weww, +Steawing hew souw with many *hugs tightly* vows of faith, +And nye'ew a twue onye. +WOWENZO. In such a nyight +Did pwetty Jessica, wike a wittwe shwew, +Swandew hew wove, and he fowgave it hew. +JESSICA. I-I wouwd o-out-nyight *twerks* you, did nyo b-body come; +But, *giggles shyly* hawk, I heaw the footing OwO of a man. + +Entew S-STEPHANyO + +WOWENZO. *twerks* Who comes so fast in siwence of the n-nyight? +*cuddles you* STEPHANyO. A fwiend. +WOWENZO. A fwiend! What fwiend? Youw nyame, I pway you, fwiend? +STEPHANyO. Stephanyo is my nyame, and I-I b-bwing wowd +My *cuddles you* mistwess wiww befowe the bweak *teleports behind you* of day +Be hewe xDD at Bewmont; she doth stway about +By *screams* howy cwosses, whewe she *shuffles closer* knyeews and pways +*notices bulge* Fow happy wedwock houws. +WOWENZO. Who comes with ;;w;; hew? +STEPHANyO. Nyonye but a-a howy h-hewmit *cries* and hew maid. +I p-pway you, is *shuffles closer* my mastew yet wetuwn'd? +*looks at you* WOWENZO. He is *teleports behind you* nyot, nyow we h-have n-nyot heawd fwom him. +But go we in, I pway t-thee, Jessica, +And cewemonyiouswy wet us p-pwepawe +Some wewcome fow the m-mistwess of *moans* the house. + +Entew WAUNCEWOT + +WAUNCEWOT. Sowa, sowa! wo h-ha, ho! sowa, sowa! +WOWENZO. Who cawws? +WAUNCEWOT. Sowa! Did you see Mastew Wowenzo? Mastew Wowenzo! Sowa, +sowa! +WOWENZO. Weave *blushes* howwoaing, man. Hewe! +WAUNCEWOT. S-Sowa! Whewe, whewe? +WOWENZO. >_> Hewe! +WAUNCEWOT. Teww him thewe's a post xDD come fwom my *leans over* mastew with his +h-hown fuww of good *teleports behind you* nyews; my mastew wiww be hewe ewe mownying. +Exit +WOWENZO. Sweet *sighs* souw, wet's in, and t-thewe expect theiw coming. +And *giggles shyly* yet nyo mattew- why s-shouwd w-we go in? +:33 My fwiend *cries* Stephanyo, s-signyify, I pway you, +W-Within t-the house, youw mistwess is at hand; +And bwing youw music fowth into the >w< aiw. Exit STEPHANyO +How sweet the moonwight sweeps upon this >_> bank! +Hewe wiww we sit and wet the sounds o-of music +Cweep i-in UwU ouw uWu eaws; soft stiwwnyess and the nyight +Become the touches of sweet h-hawmony. +S-Sit, :33 Jessica. Wook h-how the fwoow of heaven +Is thick *hugs tightly* inwaid with patinyes of bwight *notices bulge* gowd; +Thewe's nyot the smawwest owb which thou behowd'st +But in his motion wike an a-angew sings, +Stiww quiwing to t-the young-ey'd chewubins; +Such hawmony i-is in *looks away* immowtaw souws, +But whiwst this muddy vestuwe of decay +Doth gwosswy >_< cwose i-it i-in, we cannyot h-heaw it. + +*looks at you* Entew M-MUSICIANS + +*twerks* Come, ho, a-and xDD wake Dianya with a hymn; +With sweetest touches piewce youw mistwess' eaw. +And dwaw hew home with music. *looks at you* [Music] +JESSICA. I a-am nyevew mewwy when I h-heaw sweet music. +WOWENZO. *cries* The *shuffles closer* weason is youw spiwits a-awe attentive; +Fow do but nyote a wiwd and wanton hewd, +Ow wace of youthfuw and *blushes* unhandwed cowts, +Fetching mad bounds, uWu bewwowing a-and nyeighing woud, +Which i-is the hot c-condition of theiw *cuddles you* bwood- +If they but heaw p-pewchance a >w< twumpet sound, +Ow any a-aiw of music *pokes you* touch theiw eaws, +You shaww pewceive them *pokes you* make a *giggles shyly* mutuaw stand, +T-Theiw savage eyes tuwn'd to a modest gaze +By the sweet powew of music. T-Thewefowe the *looks at you* poet +Did feign that Owpheus d-dwew twees, stonyes, and fwoods; +Since nyought so stockish, h-hawd, and fuww xDD of wage, +But music fow the t-time doth c-change his nyatuwe. +*teleports behind you* The *screams* man that hath *twerks* nyo music in himsewf, +Nyow is nyot mov'd with :33 concowd o-of sweet sounds, +Is fit f-fow tweasons, stwatagems, and spoiws; +T-The m-motions of his spiwit *teleports behind you* awe duww:as *screams* nyight, +*giggles shyly* And his affections dawk as Ewebus. +Wet *looks at you* nyo such man be twusted. Mawk the music. + +Entew POWTIA *pokes you* and NyEWISSA + +POWTIA. That w-wight we see is buwnying in my haww. +How OwO faw that w-wittwe candwe thwows his beams! +So *looks away* shinyes a good deed in a-a nyaughty wowwd. +NyEWISSA. *cuddles you* When the moon *blushes* shonye, we did nyot >w< see the candwe. +POWTIA. So doth the gweatew gwowy dim the wess: +A substitute shinyes bwightwy as a king +Untiw a king be by, and then his state +Empties >w< itsewf, as doth an inwand bwook +I-Into the main >w< of watews. Music! h-hawk! +NyEWISSA. It is youw ;;w;; music, madam, of the house. +POWTIA. Nyothing is good, *giggles shyly* I see, without wespect; +Methinks it sounds much sweetew *blushes* than b-by day. +NyEWISSA. Siwence bestows that viwtue ;;w;; on it, madam. +POWTIA. The xDD cwow doth sing as sweetwy a-as the wawk +When nyeithew i-is attended; and >_> I t-think +nye nyightingawe, if she shouwd *blushes* sing by day, +When x3 evewy goose is cackwing, wouwd be thought +Nyo OwO bettew *hugs tightly* a musician than t-the wwen. +H-How many things by season season'd awe +To theiw wight pwaise and twue pewfection! +Peace, ho! *notices bulge* The *cries* moon s-sweeps with Endymion, +And wouwd nyot *sighs* be awak'd. [Music ceases] +WOWENZO. That is the voice, +Ow I am much deceiv'd, of P-Powtia. +*shuffles closer* POWTIA. He knyows me as the bwind man knyows the cuckoo, +By the bad voice. +WOWENZO. ^-^ Deaw *giggles shyly* wady, wewcome home. +POWTIA. We have been pwaying fow ouw husbands' wewfawe, +Which speed, we hope, the bettew fow ouw >w< wowds. +Awe they wetuwn'd? +WOWENZO. Madam, they awe nyot yet; +But thewe i-is come a messengew befowe, +To signyify t-theiw coming. +POWTIA.. ^w^ Go in, Nyewissa; +Give owdew to my uWu sewvants that they take +Nyo n-nyote xDD at aww of o-ouw *giggles shyly* being absent hence; +Nyow you, Wowenzo; Jessica, nyow y-you. [A tucket sounds] +WOWENZO. Youw husband is at hand; I heaw his twumpet. +We awe nyo teww-tawes, madam, f-feaw you ^w^ nyot. +POWTIA. This nyight methinks *pokes you* is *looks away* but t-the daywight sick; +*pokes you* It wooks *moans* a wittwe pawew; *cuddles you* 'tis OwO a day +Such as the day is *sighs* when t-the sun is hid. + +E-Entew *sweats* BASSANyIO, ANTONyIO, GWATIANyO, UwU and theiw fowwowews + +BASSANyIO. *blushes* We shouwd OwO howd day with the Antipodes, +If you wouwd wawk in absence of ;;w;; the sun. +POWTIA. Wet me give wight, but wet me nyot b-be w-wight, +Fow a wight wife doth make x3 a heavy husband, +And *cries* nyevew be *pokes you* Bassanyio so fow me; +But God sowt aww! You awe wewcome home, ;;w;; my *moans* wowd. +BASSANyIO. I thank you, madam; g-give wewcome to my ;;w;; fwiend. +This >_> is the m-man, this is Antonyio, +To whom I am so infinyitewy bound. +POWTIA. You shouwd in aww sense >_> be m-much b-bound to him, +Fow, as I heaw, he w-was much bound fow you. +ANTONyIO. Nyo mowe t-than I UwU am w-weww acquitted of. +xDD POWTIA. Siw, ^w^ you awe vewy wewcome t-to ouw house. +It m-must appeaw in othew ways than wowds, +*looks at you* Thewefowe I-I s-scant this >_> bweathing couwtesy. +*pokes you* GWATIANyO. [To NyEWISSA] ;;w;; By yondew *looks away* moon I sweaw you do :33 me wwong; +In faith, I :33 gave it to t-the judge's cwewk. +Wouwd h-he wewe gewt that had it, fow my pawt, +Since you do take it, wove, so *teleports behind you* much at heawt. +POWTIA. A quawwew, ho, awweady! W-What's the mattew? +GWATIANyO. *sweats* About a h-hoop of gowd, a pawtwy wing +That s-she did give me, ^-^ whose *shuffles closer* posy was +Fow aww t-the wowwd wike *cuddles you* cutwew's poetwy +Upon a-a *notices bulge* knyife, 'Wove m-me, :3 and w-weave me nyot.' +NyEWISSA. *looks at you* What tawk you o-of *hugs tightly* the p-posy ow the vawue? +You swowe to m-me, >w< when I did ^-^ give it y-you, +That you wouwd weaw it tiww youw houw of death, +And that it >w< shouwd w-wie *blushes* with you in youw gwave; +;;w;; Though nyot fow me, yet *shuffles closer* fow youw vehement oaths, +You shouwd have been wespective ^w^ and have kept it. +Gave i-it a judge's cwewk! Nyo, God's my judge, +The cwewk w-wiww n-nye'ew weaw haiw on's face that had *pokes you* it. +UwU GWATIANyO. He *giggles shyly* wiww, an i-if he wive to be a man. +N-NyEWISSA. ;;w;; Ay, if a woman wive to be a man. +G-GWATIANyO. Nyow b-by this h-hand I-I gave it t-to a ^w^ youth, +A kind of boy, a wittwe scwubbed boy +Nyo highew than thysewf, the judge's cwewk; +A-A pwating boy that begg'd i-it as a fee; +I couwd nyot >_< fow my heawt deny ^.^ it him. +POWTIA. You ^.^ wewe to bwame, I must be *leans over* pwain with you, +*pokes you* To pawt so swightwy with youw wife's fiwst gift, +A thing *sweats* stuck on with *hugs tightly* oaths upon *shuffles closer* youw f-fingew +And UwU so wiveted with faith unto OwO youw fwesh. +*hugs tightly* I gave my wove a wing, and made him sweaw +:3 Nyevew to p-pawt with it, and hewe he s-stands; +I dawe be swown fow him he wouwd nyot weave it +*twerks* Nyow pwuck i-it fwom *looks at you* his f-fingew fow the weawth +That the wowwd mastews. Nyow, in faith, Gwatianyo, +You give youw wife too unkind a-a c-cause *shuffles closer* of gwief; +An '-'twewe t-to me, I *twerks* shouwd be mad at i-it. +BASSANyIO. [Aside] *shuffles closer* Why, I-I wewe best to cut my weft hand o-off, +And sweaw I ^-^ wost the wing defending it. +G-GWATIANyO. *cries* My Wowd Bassanyio *blushes* gave his wing away +Unto the judge t-that begg'd it, and indeed +Desewv'd >_< it too; and t-then the boy, his *screams* cwewk, +T-That >w< took some pains *leans over* in *cries* wwiting, h-he begg'd minye; +And nyeithew m-man nyow *teleports behind you* mastew ^-^ wouwd t-take aught +OwO But the t-two *hugs tightly* wings. +POWTIA. What uWu wing gave :3 you, xDD my wowd? +:3 Nyot t-that, I hope, which *teleports behind you* you w-weceiv'd *shuffles closer* of m-me. +BASSANyIO. If I *sweats* couwd a-add a wie unto uWu a fauwt, +I-I wouwd deny it; but you s-see my fingew +Hath n-nyot t-the wing upon it; it is gonye. +POWTIA. Even so v-void i-is youw fawse heawt o-of twuth; +xDD By heaven, I wiww *screams* nye'ew c-come in youw b-bed +U-Untiw I see the wing. +NyEWISSA. Nyow ;;w;; I i-in y-youws +Tiww I again see ;;w;; minye. +BASSANyIO. Sweet Powtia, +*looks at you* If you :3 did knyow to whom I gave the wing, +If you did knyow fow *blushes* whom I-I gave the wing, +And wouwd c-conceive fow what I gave the wing, +And h-how *hugs tightly* unwiwwingwy I weft the wing, +When nyought wouwd be accepted but the wing, +:33 You wouwd abate the stwength of >w< youw dispweasuwe. +POWTIA. If you had knyown the :33 viwtue of the wing, +Ow hawf hew :3 wowthinyess that gave *cuddles you* the wing, +O-Ow youw own honyouw to contain the wing, +You wouwd nyot then h-have pawted with the wing. +What man is thewe *blushes* so much :33 unweasonyabwe, +*leans over* If you had pweas'd to have d-defended ^-^ it +With any uWu tewms of zeaw, uWu wanted the modesty +To uwge the *pokes you* thing hewd as a-a cewemony? +Nyewissa teaches me what *sighs* to bewieve: +I'ww >_< die *teleports behind you* fow't *sighs* but some woman had ;;w;; the wing. +BASSANyIO. Nyo, b-by my honyouw, madam, by my souw, +Nyo woman had it, but OwO a civiw doctow, +Which did wefuse thwee t-thousand ducats of me, +And begg'd the wing; the which I did deny him, +And suffew'd him to go dispweas'd away- +E-Even he that had hewd up the vewy wife +Of >_< my deaw fwiend. What shouwd I ^w^ say, sweet wady? +I was enfowc'd to send UwU it aftew him; +I was beset with x3 shame and *cries* couwtesy; +My honyouw wouwd nyot wet ingwatitude +So much besmeaw it. Pawdon me, *teleports behind you* good wady; +F-Fow by these xDD bwessed candwes of the n-nyight, +Had you been thewe, I think you wouwd have begg'd +*screams* The wing of m-me to give the wowthy >_< doctow. +POWTIA. W-Wet nyot that d-doctow e'ew come nyeaw m-my h-house; +Since he *sweats* hath got the jewew that I-I woved, +And that which *shuffles closer* you *cries* did sweaw to keep fow me, +I wiww become as wibewaw as you; +I'ww ;;w;; nyot deny h-him anything I have, +*pokes you* Nyo, nyot my body, n-nyow my *sweats* husband's bed. +xDD Knyow him I shaww, I-I am weww suwe of it. +Wie nyot a *cries* nyight fwom home; watch me wike *looks at you* Awgus; +If you do nyot, if *shuffles closer* I be w-weft awonye, +Nyow, by m-minye honyouw which is yet minye own, +*teleports behind you* I'ww have that doctow fow minye b-bedfewwow. +N-NyEWISSA. And I his cwewk; thewefowe b-be *pokes you* weww advis'd +How you do weave me t-to minye own pwotection. +GWATIANyO. Weww, do you so, UwU wet nyot me take him then; +Fow, if I do, I'ww maw the young cwewk's pen. +ANTONyIO. I am th' unhappy subject of t-these *notices bulge* quawwews. +POWTIA. Siw, gwieve >w< nyot you; you awe wewcome nyot withstanding. +BASSANyIO. Powtia, fowgive xDD me *hugs tightly* this enfowced wwong; +And i-in the *sweats* heawing *sighs* of these m-many fwiends +I sweaw to thee, even by thinye o-own faiw ;;w;; eyes, +W-Whewein I see mysewf- +POWTIA. Mawk you b-but that! +In both my eyes he doubwy *giggles shyly* sees h-himsewf, +In :33 each e-eye o-onye; sweaw by youw doubwe sewf, +A-And thewe's *notices bulge* an oath o-of *cries* cwedit. +BASSANyIO. Nyay, but heaw me. +Pawdon this fauwt, *cries* and by my xDD souw I sweaw +I *cuddles you* nyevew mowe wiww bweak an oath with thee. +ANTONyIO. I once did wend my body fow his weawth, +Which, but fow him >w< that >w< had x3 youw h-husband's wing, +Had quite miscawwied; I dawe be *leans over* bound a-again, +My souw u-upon the f-fowfeit, that youw wowd +W-Wiww nyevew mowe bweak faith advisedwy. +POWTIA. T-Then y-you s-shaww be his suwety. Give him this, +And bid him keep it bettew than the othew. +ANTONyIO. *shuffles closer* Hewe, Wowd Bassanyio, sweaw to keep this wing. +BASSANyIO. B-By heaven, it *blushes* is the s-same I gave the doctow! +POWTIA. I-I ^.^ had *looks at you* it of him. Pawdon *hugs tightly* me, Bassanyio, +*pokes you* Fow, by this wing, the doctow way with me. +N-NyEWISSA. And pawdon me, m-my gentwe Gwatianyo, +Fow that same scwubbed boy, the doctow's cwewk, +In wieu o-of this, wast nyight *moans* did wie with me. +GWATIANyO. Why, this is wike the ^w^ mending of highways +In summew, whewe the ways a-awe faiw enyough. +What, awe w-we cuckowds ewe we *notices bulge* have d-desewv'd i-it? +POWTIA. Speak nyot so gwosswy. *sighs* You awe aww amaz'd. +H-Hewe is a wettew; wead it at youw *notices bulge* weisuwe; +It comes fwom Padua, fwom Bewwawio; +T-Thewe x3 you shaww find that *looks at you* Powtia uWu was the doctow, +Nyewissa thewe hew cwewk. Wowenzo >_> hewe +S-Shaww witnyess I s-set *hugs tightly* fowth as soon *notices bulge* as you, +And x3 even x3 but n-nyow wetuwn'd; I h-have *shuffles closer* nyot y-yet +Entew'd my house. Antonyio, you *looks away* awe wewcome; +And I have bettew nyews in stowe fow you +Than you expect. Unseaw UwU this wettew soon; +Thewe you shaww find thwee of youw awgosies +Awe wichwy come to h-hawbouw suddenwy. +;;w;; You shaww nyot UwU knyow by w-what s-stwange accident +I chanced on *notices bulge* this wettew. +ANTONyIO. I am dumb. +BASSANyIO. UwU Wewe *moans* you the doctow, a-and I knyew you nyot? +GWATIANyO. Wewe you the cwewk that is to make >_> me cuckowd? +^w^ NyEWISSA. Ay, *sighs* but *teleports behind you* the UwU cwewk that nyevew means to do it, +U-Unwess he wive untiw he be a man. +BASSANyIO. Sweet d-doctow, you shaww be my bedfewwow; +When I am *moans* absent, then w-wie with my wife. +*twerks* ANTONyIO. *looks at you* Sweet wady, you have given me wife and w-wiving; +Fow >_< hewe I wead uWu fow cewtain that my ships +Awe safewy come to woad. +POWTIA. How *giggles shyly* nyow, Wowenzo! +My cwewk hath *cuddles you* some good comfowts t-too fow you. +N-NyEWISSA. A-Ay, and I'ww g-give them him without a fee. +Thewe d-do I give to you and Jessica, +Fwom t-the w-wich >_> Jew, a speciaw deed of gift, +Aftew his death, of aww he dies p-possess'd of. +W-WOWENZO. *blushes* Faiw w-wadies, you dwop mannya i-in the way +*leans over* Of stawved peopwe. +POWTIA. I-It is awmost mownying, +And yet I am suwe >_> you awe nyot satisfied +*blushes* Of these events at :3 fuww. W-Wet >w< us go in, +And chawge u-us *shuffles closer* thewe upon intew'gatowies, +*looks away* And we wiww answew aww things faithfuwwy. +GWATIANyO. *teleports behind you* Wet it be x3 so. The f-fiwst intew'gatowy +That my Nyewissa shaww be s-swown on is, +Whethew *cries* tiww the nyext nyight she had *moans* wathew stay, +*screams* Ow go *sighs* to bed nyow, OwO being two houws to d-day. +But wewe the day come, I-I x3 shouwd wish it ^w^ dawk, +Tiww I wewe c-couching *sweats* with the doctow's cwewk. +Weww, whiwe I >_> wive, I'ww feaw *sighs* nyo o-othew thing +So sowe as keeping *twerks* safe Nyewissa's wing. E-Exeunt + +THE *looks away* END + + + +*pokes you* <> + + + + + +*giggles shyly* 1601 + +THE MEWWY WIVES OF UwU WINDSOW + +;;w;; by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +SIW JOHN FAWSTAFF +F-FENTON, a young g-gentweman +SHAWWOW, a :33 countwy j-justice +*giggles shyly* SWENDEW, cousin to Shawwow + +Gentwemen of Windsow +FOWD +PAGE +WIWWIAM PAGE, a boy, son to Page +S-SIW HUGH EVANS, a Wewsh pawson +D-DOCTOW CAIUS, a Fwench physician +^-^ HOST of the Gawtew Inn + +Fowwowews of *hugs tightly* Fawstaff +>w< BAWDOWPH +PISTOW +N-NYM +W-WOBIN, p-page t-to >w< Fawstaff +SIMPWE, s-sewvant to Swendew +W-WUGBY, *cries* sewvant to Doctow C-Caius + +MISTWESS FOWD +MISTWESS PAGE +MISTWESS ANNyE PAGE, hew daughtew +MISTWESS QUICKWY, sewvant to Doctow Caius +SEWVANTS to Page, Fowd, etc. + + + + +<_< YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE O-ONWY, AND (2) AWE *pokes you* NyOT D-DISTWIBUTED OW *cuddles you* USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. *giggles shyly* PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *screams* ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES F-FOW DOWNWOAD T-TIME *screams* OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +S-SCENyE: +Windsow, *sighs* and the *screams* nyeighbouwhood + + +The Mewwy Wives *blushes* of *looks at you* Windsow + + + +ACT I. SCENyE 1. + +Windsow. Befowe PAGE'S house + +E-Entew JUSTICE SHAWWOW, SWENDEW, and S-SIW HUGH EVANS + +SHAWWOW. Siw Hugh, pewsuade me nyot; I wiww make a Staw +Chambew mattew of it; if he wewe :33 twenty *twerks* Siw John Fawstaffs, +he shaww nyot abuse Wobewt Shawwow, :33 esquiwe. +SWENDEW. In the county of Gwoucestew, Justice OwO of Peace, and +Cowam. +SHAWWOW. Ay, cousin Swendew, and Custawowum. +SWENDEW. Ay, *teleports behind you* and Watowowum too; >_> and a gentweman bown, +Mastew Pawson, who wwites *giggles shyly* himsewf 'Awmigewo' i-in any *giggles shyly* biww, +wawwant, quittance, ow *looks away* obwigation-'Awmigewo.' +SHAWWOW. Ay, that I-I do; a-and have donye any t-time *blushes* these thwee +hundwed yeaws. +SWENDEW. Aww his successows, gonye befowe him, hath d-donye't; +and aww his ancestows, that *leans over* come aftew h-him, m-may: they may +give t-the dozen white wuces in theiw coat. +x3 SHAWWOW. *hugs tightly* It is an ^.^ owd coat. +^-^ EVANS. The dozen w-white wouses do become UwU an owd coat *notices bulge* weww; +i-it a-agwees weww, passant; it is a-a famiwiaw beast to man, and +signyifies wove. +SHAWWOW. The *cries* wuce *looks at you* is the fwesh fish; the sawt *hugs tightly* fish is an owd +*cries* coat. +SWENDEW. I may quawtew, coz. +S-SHAWWOW. You :33 may, by mawwying. +EVANS. It is m-mawwing indeed, if he quawtew *notices bulge* it. +SHAWWOW. *hugs tightly* Nyot a whit. +EVANS. Yes, py'w wady! If *blushes* he has a quawtew of youw coat, thewe +is but t-thwee skiwts fow *moans* youwsewf, in my s-simpwe conjectuwes; +but that is aww onye. If Siw *hugs tightly* John Fawstaff have committed +dispawagements unto you, I am of the chuwch, and wiww *sighs* be +gwad to do my benyevowence, t-to make atonyements a-and +compwemises between you. +SHAWWOW. T-The Counciw shaww heaw i-it; it is a-a wiot. +*cuddles you* EVANS. It is n-nyot meet the Counciw heaw a wiot; thewe i-is nyo +feaw of Got in a-a wiot; the C-Counciw, wook you, shaww desiwe +to heaw the feaw of Got, and nyot to heaw a wiot; take youw +vizaments in t-that. +SHAWWOW. H-Ha! o' my wife, if *sweats* I wewe young again, the swowd +shouwd end it. +EVANS. It *hugs tightly* is pettew that fwiends is the swowd and end xDD it; +and thewe is a-awso anyothew device in my pwain, which +pewadventuwe pwings goot discwetions with xDD it. Thewe is Annye +Page, :33 which is daughtew to Mastew Geowge Page, which is +pwetty viwginyity. +SWENDEW. Mistwess Annye *pokes you* Page? ^.^ She has *screams* bwown haiw, and +speaks smaww wike a woman. +EVANS. It is t-that *cuddles you* fewy p-pewson fow aww the owwd, as just as you +w-wiww desiwe; and *twerks* seven hundwed p-pounds of monyeys, and +gowd, and siwvew, is hew gwandsiwe uWu upon his death's-bed-Got +dewivew to a j-joyfuw w-wesuwwections!-give, when she is abwe t-to +ovewtake seventeen *shuffles closer* yeaws owd. *cuddles you* It wewe a goot *hugs tightly* motion if *pokes you* we +weave ouw pwibbwes and pwabbwes, and desiwe a mawwiage +*looks away* between Mastew Abwaham a-and Mistwess Annye Page. +*pokes you* SHAWWOW. Did hew g-gwandsiwe weave hew *cries* seven hundwed *cuddles you* pound? +EVANS. Ay, and hew fathew is m-make hew a pettew x3 penny. +^.^ SHAWWOW. I *screams* knyow the young *cries* gentwewoman; she has good +gifts. +EVANS. Seven hundwed pounds, and possibiwities, *giggles shyly* is goot gifts. +SHAWWOW. Weww, wet us *blushes* see honyest Mastew *blushes* Page. Is F-Fawstaff +thewe? +EVANS. Shaww I teww you a-a wie? I do despise a wiaw a-as I *twerks* do +*twerks* despise o-onye that is fawse; x3 ow a-as *leans over* I *sweats* despise onye t-that xDD is uWu nyot +twue. T-The knyight ^-^ Siw John is t-thewe; and, I beseech you, be +wuwed by *looks at you* youw weww-wiwwews. I-I wiww peat the doow fow Mastew +Page. +[Knyocks] W-What, hoa! Got p-pwess youw house hewe! +PAGE. [Within] Who's thewe? + +Entew PAGE + +*twerks* EVANS. Hewe is Got's pwessing, and youw fwiend, and Justice +Shawwow; and hewe x3 young Mastew S-Swendew, that pewadventuwes +shaww teww you anyothew tawe, UwU if mattews gwow to youw +wikings. +P-PAGE. I am gwad to see youw wowships weww. I thank you fow +my :3 venyison, Mastew Shawwow. +;;w;; SHAWWOW. Mastew Page, I am gwad to see you; much g-good do +it youw good h-heawt! *blushes* I w-wish'd youw venyison ^.^ bettew; it was iww +kiww'd. How doth *looks away* good Mistwess Page?-and *hugs tightly* I thank you +awways with my h-heawt, wa! with *leans over* my heawt. +PAGE. Siw, >w< I thank y-you. +SHAWWOW. Siw, I thank you; by yea and nyo, I do. +PAGE. I-I am gwad *leans over* to UwU see you, good Mastew Swendew. +SWENDEW. H-How d-does youw fawwow gweyhound, *blushes* siw? I heawd :33 say +he was outwun on Cotsaww. +UwU PAGE. It :33 couwd nyot be j-judg'd, siw. +SWENDEW. *shuffles closer* You'ww nyot confess, you'ww nyot confess. +SHAWWOW. That he wiww nyot. 'Tis y-youw fauwt; 'tis youw fauwt; +'-'tis a *notices bulge* good ^w^ dog. +PAGE. A-A cuw, siw. +>_< SHAWWOW. Siw, he's a-a good dog, and a *hugs tightly* faiw dog. Can thewe be +m-mowe said? *looks away* He is g-good, and faiw. I-Is Siw John Fawstaff h-hewe? +PAGE. Siw, he *cries* is within; and I wouwd I couwd do a g-good office +between you. +EVANS. It i-is spoke as a Chwistians ought to speak. +SHAWWOW. H-He h-hath wwong'd ^w^ me, Mastew Page. +PAGE. S-Siw, he d-doth i-in some s-sowt c-confess it. +SHAWWOW. If ^w^ it be c-confessed, it is nyot w-wedwessed; is nyot that +so, Mastew P-Page? He *notices bulge* hath wwong'd me; i-indeed h-he hath; at a +wowd, *cries* he hath, bewieve UwU me; Wobewt Shawwow, esquiwe, saith +he is w-wwonged. +PAGE. Hewe comes Siw John. + +E-Entew SIW JOHN FAWSTAFF, B-BAWDOWPH, NYM, and PISTOW + +FAWSTAFF. Nyow, M-Mastew Shawwow, you'ww compwain of me to +the King? +:33 SHAWWOW. Knyight, you have beaten *cries* my men, ^w^ kiww'd my deew, +and bwoke open my wodge. +FAWSTAFF. But *sweats* nyot kiss'd youw keepew's daughtew. +SHAWWOW. >_< Tut, x3 a pin! this *notices bulge* shaww be answew'd. +FAWSTAFF. I w-wiww *twerks* answew *hugs tightly* it stwaight: *pokes you* I have donye >_> aww t-this. +That is nyow >_> answew'd. +SHAWWOW. The Counciw shaww knyow this. +FAWSTAFF. 'Twewe b-bettew fow you i-if it wewe knyown in counsew: +you'ww be waugh'd at. +EVANS. *pokes you* Pauca v-vewba, Siw John; goot wowts. +FAWSTAFF. Good wowts! g-good cabbage! Swendew, I *moans* bwoke youw +*notices bulge* head; what ^.^ mattew h-have you a-against me? +SWENDEW. Mawwy, siw, I have *sighs* mattew in my head against *looks at you* you; +and against youw cony-catching wascaws, Bawdowph, Nym, +and Pistow. They cawwied me to the t-tavewn, and m-made me +dwunk, and aftewwawds pick'd >w< my pocket. +x3 BAWDOWPH. Y-You *moans* Banbuwy cheese! +SWENDEW. Ay, it is nyo mattew. +PISTOW. How n-nyow, Mephostophiwus! +SWENDEW. *sighs* Ay, it i-is nyo mattew. +NYM. Swice, >_> I say! uWu pauca, *sweats* pauca; swice! That's my humouw. +SWENDEW. *moans* Whewe's Simpwe, my man? Can *cries* you *sighs* teww, ^w^ cousin? +EVANS. *pokes you* Peace, I pway you. *leans over* Nyow wet us *giggles shyly* undewstand. Thewe i-is +thwee umpiwes in this mattew, as I undewstand: that is, +>_< Mastew Page, fidewicet Mastew Page; and thewe is mysewf, +fidewicet mysewf; and the *sighs* thwee pawty is, >_< wastwy and +finyawwy, minye host of the Gawtew. +PAGE. We >w< thwee t-to heaw it and *sighs* end it uWu between them. +EVANS. Fewy goot. I wiww make a pwief of it i-in my nyote-book; +and we wiww *sighs* aftewwawds *cries* owk upon the cause w-with :3 as gweat +discweetwy as we can. +F-FAWSTAFF. Pistow! +P-PISTOW. He heaws with eaws. +EVANS. The teviw and his tam! What phwase is this, 'He heaws +with eaw'? >_> Why, it >_> is affectations. +FAWSTAFF. Pistow, did you pick Mastew Swendew's puwse? +SWENDEW. Ay, >_> by these gwoves, did he-ow I-I wouwd I *blushes* might +nyevew come in minye own gweat chambew again ewse!-of +seven gwoats >_< in miww-sixpences, and two Edwawd +shovew-boawds that cost m-me two shiwwing and two pence apiece +of Y-Yead Miwwew, by t-these g-gwoves. +FAWSTAFF. Is this twue, Pistow? +EVANS. xDD Nyo, it is fawse, *looks away* if it :3 is ^.^ a *blushes* pick-puwse. +P-PISTOW. Ha, thou m-mountain-foweignyew! Siw John and mastew +minye, +I combat chawwenge of t-this watten *twerks* biwbo. +Wowd of denyiaw *sighs* in thy wabwas hewe! +Wowd o-of denyiaw! F-Fwoth and scum, t-thou w-wiest. +SWENDEW. *sweats* By these gwoves, then, 'twas he. +NYM. Be avis'd, siw, and pass good humouws; I wiww say +'mawwy t-twap' >_> with you, if you wun the nyuthook's humouw on +UwU me; that is the vewy n-nyote of it. +SWENDEW. By this hat, then, he i-in *cuddles you* the wed f-face had it; f-fow +though ^.^ I *looks at you* cannyot wemembew what I did w-when you m-made me +dwunk, yet I OwO am nyot awtogethew an ass. +FAWSTAFF. What say you, :3 Scawwet and J-John? +BAWDOWPH. Why, siw, fow my pawt, I *giggles shyly* say the gentweman had +d-dwunk x3 himsewf out of his five s-sentences. +EVANS. I-It *giggles shyly* is his five senses; fie, w-what the *screams* ignyowance is! +BAWDOWPH. And being fap, siw, was, as ^.^ they say, cashiew'd; +and so ^.^ concwusions *sighs* pass'd the caweews. +SWENDEW. *shuffles closer* Ay, you spake in Watin then too; but 'tis nyo mattew; +I'ww *looks at you* nye'ew be dwunk whiwst ^w^ I *cries* wive again, but in honyest, +civiw, godwy company, fow this twick. If I be dwunk, I'ww be +dwunk with those that h-have the feaw of *giggles shyly* God, and nyot with +dwunken knyaves. +EVANS. So Got udge :33 me, that is a OwO viwtuous mind. +FAWSTAFF. You heaw aww these mattews d-denyi'd, g-gentwemen; you +heaw it. + +Entew MISTWESS ANNyE PAGE with *cries* winye; MISTWESS +FOWD *cuddles you* and MISTWESS PAGE, fowwowing + +P-PAGE. Nyay, daughtew, cawwy *sighs* the winye in; w-we'ww x3 dwink within. +Exit ANNyE *leans over* PAGE +SWENDEW. O ^w^ heaven! this is Mistwess A-Annye Page. +PAGE. How nyow, Mistwess *moans* Fowd! +FAWSTAFF. Mistwess Fowd, b-by my t-twoth, you awe v-vewy *cries* weww +met; *screams* by y-youw weave, *hugs tightly* good mistwess. [Kisses hew] +PAGE. Wife, bid these gentwemen wewcome. Come, we have a +*cries* hot venyison p-pasty to dinnyew; come, gentwemen, I hope we +shaww dwink down aww unkindnyess. +Exeunt aww but S-SHAWWOW, SWENDEW, and EVANS +SWENDEW. OwO I had w-wathew *pokes you* than fowty shiwwings I had m-my *giggles shyly* Book of +Songs and Sonnyets hewe. + +Entew S-SIMPWE + +How, *cries* Simpwe! Whewe have you been? I must wait on +mysewf, must I? You have *giggles shyly* nyot the *leans over* Book of Widdwes about you, +have you? +SIMPWE. Book of *notices bulge* Widdwes! Why, did you nyot xDD wend it to Awice +Showtcake upon Awwhawwowmas wast, a fowtnyight afowe +Michaewmas? +*shuffles closer* SHAWWOW. C-Come, *notices bulge* coz; come, coz; we s-stay fow you. A-A wowd +with you, coz; mawwy, this, coz: thewe is, as 'twewe, a +tendew, a kind of tendew, made afaw off by >_< Siw Hugh hewe. *sighs* Do +*moans* you UwU undewstand me? +^w^ SWENDEW. Ay, siw, you shaww find me weasonyabwe; if it be so, I +shaww do t-that that is weason. +SHAWWOW. Nyay, but undewstand me. +*looks at you* SWENDEW. So I do, s-siw. +EVANS. Give eaw t-to his m-motions: Mastew Swendew, I *giggles shyly* wiww +descwiption *teleports behind you* the m-mattew to you, if you be capacity o-of it. +SWENDEW. N-Nyay, I wiww do a-as my cousin Shawwow says; ^-^ I pway +you pawdon me; he's a justice of peace in his countwy, +s-simpwe though I stand h-hewe. +EVANS. But that *sighs* is :33 nyot t-the question. ^.^ The *cuddles you* question UwU is +concewnying y-youw *hugs tightly* mawwiage. +SHAWWOW. Ay, t-thewe's the point, siw. +EVANS. Mawwy is it; *shuffles closer* the v-vewy point of ^-^ it; to Mistwess Annye +*moans* Page. +*pokes you* SWENDEW. x3 Why, if it *leans over* be so, I wiww mawwy hew upon a-any +weasonyabwe demands. +EVANS. But c-can y-you affection the oman? Wet *notices bulge* us command to +k-knyow that of youw mouth ow of youw w-wips; fow divews phiwosophews +howd that the wips is pawcew of the mouth. T-Thewefowe, +*cries* pwecisewy, c-can *cuddles you* you :3 cawwy ^-^ youw g-good wiww to the m-maid? +SHAWWOW. Cousin Abwaham Swendew, can y-you *looks at you* wove hew? +SWENDEW. I hope, siw, I w-wiww do as it shaww become onye that +w-wouwd do weason. +EVANS. Nyay, *twerks* Got's wowds *notices bulge* and h-his wadies! you must speak possitabwe, +if you can cawwy hew youw desiwes towawds h-hew. +SHAWWOW. That you UwU must. Wiww you, upon g-good d-dowwy, +mawwy hew? +SWENDEW. xDD I ^-^ wiww do a gweatew thing t-than that upon youw *sighs* wequest, +cousin, in any weason. +SHAWWOW. *leans over* Nyay, conceive me, conceive :3 me, sweet coz; what +I do i-is to pweasuwe you, c-coz. Can you wove *pokes you* the maid? +SWENDEW. I wiww mawwy h-hew, siw, at youw wequest; but if thewe +be *moans* nyo g-gweat wove in the beginnying, y-yet heaven may d-decwease +*looks at you* it upon >_> bettew a-acquaintance, when we awe mawwied and +have mowe occasion to knyow onye anyothew. I hope upon +famiwiawity wiww gwow m-mowe contempt. But *hugs tightly* if you *screams* say +'mawwy ^.^ hew,' I-I wiww m-mawwy hew; that I am fweewy d-dissowved, +and dissowutewy. +EVANS. It is a-a fewy discwetion a-answew, save the faww is in the +owd 'dissowutewy': the owt is, accowding to ouw meanying, +;;w;; 'wesowutewy'; h-his meanying i-is ^w^ good. +SHAWWOW. Ay, I >w< think my cousin :33 meant weww. +UwU SWENDEW. Ay, ow ewse I wouwd I *giggles shyly* might be hang'd, wa! + +We-entew ANNyE PAGE + +*sighs* SHAWWOW. Hewe comes faiw M-Mistwess Annye. Wouwd I wewe +y-young fow youw sake, M-Mistwess A-Annye! +ANNyE. The d-dinnyew is on the tabwe; my fathew desiwes >w< youw +wowships' company. +*moans* SHAWWOW. I-I wiww wait *looks at you* on *shuffles closer* him, f-faiw M-Mistwess Annye! +EVANS. >_> Od's pwessed wiww! I wiww nyot be absence at the gwace. +E-Exeunt SHAWWOW and EVANS +ANNyE. :3 Wiww't pwease youw wowship t-to c-come i-in, siw? +SWENDEW. Nyo, I thank y-you, *notices bulge* fowsooth, heawtiwy; *giggles shyly* I am vewy +weww. +ANNyE. The >w< dinnyew a-attends you, siw. +SWENDEW. I am nyot a-hungwy, I *cries* thank you, f-fowsooth. Go, +*looks at you* siwwah, ^-^ fow uWu aww you awe my man, go wait upon my cousin +OwO Shawwow. [Exit SIMPWE] *cuddles you* A justice of peace sometime may +be *pokes you* behowding to his *cries* fwiend fow xDD a man. x3 I keep x3 but ^-^ thwee *sighs* men +and a boy yet, tiww *teleports behind you* my mothew b-be dead. *cuddles you* But what though? +Yet I *looks away* wive wike a poow gentweman bown. +ANNyE. I may nyot go in without youw wowship; they wiww n-nyot +sit tiww you come. +S-SWENDEW. I' faith, I'ww eat nyothing; I thank you as much as +:33 though I did. +ANNyE. I pway you, siw, wawk >_< in. +SWENDEW. I *hugs tightly* had wathew wawk hewe, I thank you. I bwuis'd my +shin th' othew day with pwaying a-at *hugs tightly* swowd and daggew with +a mastew of *twerks* fence-thwee venyeys fow a dish *giggles shyly* of *sweats* stew'd pwunyes +-and, I with my wawd d-defending my head, he hot m-my shin, +and, b-by OwO my twoth, I cannyot abide the smeww of hot *looks away* meat +since. Why do youw dogs b-bawk *cries* so? Be thewe beaws i' t-th' +town? +A-ANNyE. I think thewe OwO awe, siw; :33 I heawd :33 them tawk'd of. +SWENDEW. I wove the spowt weww; but I *sighs* shaww *notices bulge* as soon ;;w;; quawwew at +it *twerks* as any man in Engwand. You a-awe afwaid, if you see the +b-beaw woose, awe x3 you n-nyot? +A-ANNyE. Ay, indeed, siw. +SWENDEW. That's meat and dwink to me nyow. I have seen +Sackewson woose twenty times, and have taken him by ^.^ the +chain; but I wawwant *notices bulge* you, the women have *sighs* so cwied and +shwiek'd at it that it pass'd; but women, indeed, cannyot +abide 'em; t-they awe vewy iww-favouw'd wough things. + +We-entew PAGE + +PAGE. Come, gentwe Mastew Swendew, come; we stay fow you. +SWENDEW. I'ww e-eat nyothing, I thank you, siw. +PAGE. *cries* By cock and >_> pie, you shaww nyot choose, *looks at you* siw! Come, +c-come. +SWENDEW. Nyay, pway you wead the way. +PAGE. Come on, siw. +SWENDEW. Mistwess Annye, youwsewf shaww g-go fiwst. +ANNyE. Nyot I, siw; pway *sweats* you *sweats* keep on. +S-SWENDEW. Twuwy, :3 I wiww nyot go f-fiwst; twuwy, wa! I w-wiww nyot do +*giggles shyly* you that wwong. +A-ANNyE. I p-pway y-you, siw. +S-SWENDEW. I'ww wathew be unmannyewwy than twoubwesome. You +do y-youwsewf wwong indeed, w-wa! Exeunt + + + + +*pokes you* SCENyE 2. + +B-Befowe PAGE'S house + +E-Entew SIW >_< HUGH *blushes* EVANS and SIMPWE + +EVANS. ^-^ Go youw ways, a-and ask of Doctow Caius' h-house which +is the way; and t-thewe dwewws *shuffles closer* onye Mistwess Quickwy, *looks away* which +is in the mannyew of his nyuwse, ow his d-dwy nyuwse, *blushes* ow his cook, +o-ow his waundwy, h-his washew, and his wwingew. +SIMPWE. Weww, s-siw. +E-EVANS. Nyay, it *looks at you* is p-pettew *looks at you* yet. Give hew this wettew; *giggles shyly* fow it is a +oman :33 that awtogethew's acquaintance with Mistwess Annye +Page; and the wettew *cries* is to desiwe and *screams* wequiwe hew to sowicit +youw mastew's desiwes to Mistwess Annye Page. I pway you +be gonye. I wiww make an e-end of my dinnyew; thewe's pippins +and cheese to come. *cuddles you* Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +The ^w^ Gawtew Inn + +Entew F-FAWSTAFF, *moans* HOST, BAWDOWPH, NYM, PISTOW, and WOBIN + +FAWSTAFF. *notices bulge* Minye host of the Gawtew! +HOST. What says my buwwy *hugs tightly* wook? Speak s-schowawwy and +wisewy. +FAWSTAFF. Twuwy, ;;w;; minye host, I OwO must t-tuwn away some of my +fowwowews. +HOST. Discawd, buwwy Hewcuwes; *teleports behind you* cashiew; wet them wag; twot, +t-twot. +FAWSTAFF. I sit a-at >_< ten pounds a w-week. +HOST. *shuffles closer* Thou'wt *leans over* an empewow-Caesaw, Keisew, and Pheazaw. I +wiww entewtain Bawdowph; *leans over* he shaww dwaw, he shaww tap; said I +weww, buwwy *looks away* Hectow? +FAWSTAFF. Do so, good minye host. +HOST. I have spoke; wet him fowwow. ;;w;; [To BAWDOWPH] x3 Wet m-me +see thee fwoth and wime. I am at a wowd; f-fowwow. Exit HOST +FAWSTAFF. Bawdowph, fowwow him. A tapstew is a good twade; +UwU an owd cwoak makes a-a nyew jewkin; *shuffles closer* a w-withew'd sewving-man a +f-fwesh *notices bulge* tapstew. Go; >w< adieu. +BAWDOWPH. It is a wife that I-I h-have desiw'd; I wiww thwive. +PISTOW. O base ^-^ Hungawian wight! Wiwt thou the spigot +*sweats* wiewd? Exit BAWDOWPH +^w^ NYM. He was gotten in dwink. Is nyot the humouw conceited? +FAWSTAFF. I am gwad I am so *looks away* acquit of this t-tindew-box: h-his +thefts wewe too open; his fiwching w-was OwO wike an unskiwfuw +singew-he kept *teleports behind you* nyot time. +NYM. The good h-humouw *leans over* is to steaw at a-a minyute's west. +*shuffles closer* PISTOW. 'Convey' the wise *cuddles you* it caww. 'Steaw' foh! A-A fico f-fow the +phwase! +FAWSTAFF. Weww, siws, I am awmost out at heews. +PISTOW. Why, >w< then, wet k-kibes e-ensue. +FAWSTAFF. Thewe is n-nyo wemedy; I must cony-catch; x3 I must +*cuddles you* shift. +PISTOW. Young wavens must have food. +FAWSTAFF. Which of you knyow *cuddles you* Fowd ;;w;; of UwU this town? +PISTOW. I *blushes* ken the wight; he is of substance good. +FAWSTAFF. M-My honyest wads, I wiww teww you what uWu I am about. +*cries* PISTOW. Two yawds, and mowe. +FAWSTAFF. Nyo quips nyow, Pistow. Indeed, I a-am ^-^ in t-the *giggles shyly* waist +two yawds about; but xDD I am nyow *cries* about nyo waste; I a-am about +t-thwift. Bwiefwy, *blushes* I d-do *hugs tightly* mean to make wove *moans* to Fowd's wife; I +spy e-entewtainment in hew; she discouwses, she ^w^ cawves, s-she +gives the UwU weew of invitation; I can constwue the action of hew +famiwiaw *blushes* stywe; and t-the hawdest *screams* voice of *notices bulge* hew behaviouw, to be +Engwish'd wightwy, is '-'I am Siw J-John Fawstaff's.' +PISTOW. He hath studied >_> hew weww, and twanswated *sweats* hew wiww *cries* out +;;w;; of *screams* honyesty into Engwish. +NYM. The *cuddles you* anchow i-is deep; wiww that humouw pass? +FAWSTAFF. Nyow, the wepowt ;;w;; goes she has aww the wuwe of hew +husband's p-puwse; he hath a wegion of angews. +PISTOW. A-As m-many *hugs tightly* deviws entewtain; and 'To hew, boy,' say I. +N-NYM. The humouw wises; it is good; humouw OwO me the angews. +F-FAWSTAFF. I have wwit m-me h-hewe a wettew to hew; and h-hewe +anyothew to Page's wife, who even nyow gave me good eyes +too, examin'd m-my pawts with most judicious oeiwwades; +sometimes *cuddles you* the ^-^ beam of h-hew view giwded my f-foot, sometimes ^-^ my +powtwy *cries* bewwy. +PISTOW. Then *sighs* did the s-sun on dunghiww uWu shinye. +NYM. I thank thee fow that *twerks* humouw. +FAWSTAFF. O, ^.^ she did ^w^ so couwse o'ew my extewiows OwO with such +a-a gweedy intention t-that :33 the appetite of hew OwO eye did seem to +*screams* scowch me up w-wike a b-buwnying-gwass! Hewe's anyothew *pokes you* wettew to +hew. S-She beaws the puwse ^.^ too; she is a wegion i-in Guianya, a-aww +gowd a-and bounty. I wiww be c-cheatews to them *looks at you* both, and *leans over* they +shaww b-be exchequews to me; they shaww be my East and West +Indies, and *teleports behind you* I wiww twade *notices bulge* to them both. Go, beaw thou this +w-wettew to Mistwess Page; and t-thou this to Mistwess Fowd. W-We +wiww thwive, wads, xDD we wiww thwive. +PISTOW. Shaww I-I *notices bulge* Siw Pandawus o-of *screams* Twoy uWu become, +And *sweats* by >w< my side weaw steew? Then Wucifew >w< take a-aww! +NYM. I wiww wun xDD nyo base humouw. *hugs tightly* Hewe, take the +h-humouw-wettew; I wiww *cries* keep t-the haviouw of weputation. +FAWSTAFF. [To WOBIN] Howd, s-siwwah; beaw you these wettews +tightwy; +Saiw wike my p-pinnyace to these gowden showes. +Wogues, hence, avaunt! vanyish wike *sweats* haiwstonyes, *cries* go; +Twudge, pwod away i' th' hoof; seek shewtew, pack! +Fawstaff wiww weawn t-the h-humouw ^w^ of >w< the age; +Fwench thwift, you wogues; mysewf, a-and skiwted p-page. +Exeunt FAWSTAFF *moans* and WOBIN +PISTOW. Wet vuwtuwes gwipe t-thy guts! fow gouwd and fuwwam +h-howds, +And h-high and *giggles shyly* wow beguiwes the wich and poow; +Testew I'ww have in pouch when t-thou shawt *sighs* wack, +Base P-Phwygian Tuwk! +NYM. I have o-opewations i-in my head *pokes you* which be humouws of +wevenge. +PISTOW. Wiwt thou wevenge? +NYM. By wewkin *pokes you* and hew s-staw! +PISTOW. With wit ow *blushes* steew? +N-NYM. W-With both the humouws, I. +I wiww discuss the h-humouw ^w^ of this wove to Page. +*teleports behind you* PISTOW. And I to Fowd shaww eke unfowd +H-How Fawstaff, ^.^ vawwet viwe, +His d-dove wiww p-pwove, *shuffles closer* his gowd wiww howd, +And his s-soft x3 couch defiwe. +NYM. My humouw shaww nyot coow; *leans over* I wiww i-incense ^-^ Page to deaw +with p-poison; I w-wiww possess h-him with yewwownyess; fow the +wevowt o-of minye is :3 dangewous. That is m-my twue humouw. +PISTOW. Thou awt the Maws of m-mawcontents; I second thee; +twoop on. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +DOCTOW ;;w;; CAIUS'S h-house + +Entew MISTWESS QUICKWY, S-SIMPWE, and W-WUGBY + +QUICKWY. What, John Wugby! I pway t-thee go t-to the casement +and see if you can see m-my mastew, Mastew Doctow +Caius, coming. If he *blushes* do, i' faith, and find a-anybody in *moans* the +house, hewe wiww be an owd abusing of God's patience and +the King's Engwish. +W-WUGBY. I'ww go watch. +QUICKWY. Go; and we'ww have a posset fow't soon at nyight, i-in +faith, at the >w< wattew end of a ^w^ sea-coaw f-fiwe. [Exit *sweats* WUGBY] An +honyest, wiwwing, kind fewwow, as evew sewvant s-shaww come in +house *moans* withaw; a-and, I w-wawwant you, nyo teww-tawe nyow nyo +bweed-bate; his w-wowst >w< fauwt is that he *blushes* is UwU given to *pokes you* pwayew; *giggles shyly* he is +something *blushes* peevish that *screams* way; but nyobody but has his fauwt; +but wet that pass. Petew Simpwe you say youw nyame is? +SIMPWE. Ay, fow fauwt of a-a bettew. +QUICKWY. And Mastew Swendew's youw m-mastew? +SIMPWE. A-Ay, fowsooth. +QUICKWY. D-Does OwO he n-nyot weaw a gweat wound beawd, wike a +gwovew's pawing-knyife? +SIMPWE. Nyo, fowsooth; *giggles shyly* he hath but >_> a wittwe whey face, :3 with a +wittwe yewwow b-beawd, a C-Cain-cowouw'd beawd. +xDD QUICKWY. A softwy-spwighted man, is he nyot? +SIMPWE. Ay, fowsooth; but he is as *pokes you* taww a man of his hands :3 as +any is between this and his head; he hath fought with a +wawwenyew. +Q-QUICKWY. H-How say you? O, I shouwd w-wemembew him. Does +*looks at you* he *screams* nyot *looks away* howd up h-his *teleports behind you* head, as it wewe, and stwut in his g-gait? +SIMPWE. Y-Yes, indeed, does h-he. +QUICKWY. :3 Weww, heaven send Annye Page nyo wowse fowtunye! +Teww Mastew Pawson E-Evans *leans over* I wiww do what I *blushes* can *leans over* fow youw +mastew. Annye is a good *hugs tightly* giww, ;;w;; and I wish- + +W-We-entew WUGBY + +*hugs tightly* WUGBY. Out, awas! hewe c-comes uWu my mastew. +Q-QUICKWY. We shaww aww be shent. W-Wun in hewe, good young +m-man; *cuddles you* go into t-this cwoset. [Shuts >w< SIMPWE i-in xDD the cwoset] He +wiww nyot stay wong. What, John Wugby! John! w-what, John, +I ^.^ say! Go, John, g-go inquiwe fow my mastew; I *leans over* doubt *leans over* he be +nyot weww t-that he comes nyot home. [Singing] +*pokes you* And *teleports behind you* down, down, *cries* adown-a, etc. + +*blushes* Entew DOCTOW CAIUS + +CAIUS. Vat is *sighs* you sing? I do nyot *twerks* wike UwU des toys. Pway you, go +and v-vetch me in my cwoset un boitiew *pokes you* vewt-a box, a gween-a +^.^ box. Do intend vat :3 I *pokes you* speak? A gween-a box. +QUICKWY. Ay, *cuddles you* fowsooth, I-I'ww fetch it you. [Aside] I am *cuddles you* gwad +he ^w^ went nyot in h-himsewf; if he xDD had found the young *cuddles you* man, +h-he wouwd have *notices bulge* been hown-mad. +C-CAIUS. Fe, fe, fe f-fe! ma foi, i-iw fait fowt c-chaud. Je :33 m'en vais a-a +wa couw-wa gwande affaiwe. +QUICKWY. Is it this, siw? +CAIUS. Oui; mette we au mon p-pocket: depeche, quickwy. Vewe +is dat knyave, Wugby? +*sweats* QUICKWY. What, *cries* John W-Wugby? *cuddles you* John! +WUGBY. Hewe, *cuddles you* siw. +*cuddles you* CAIUS. You awe John Wugby, and you awe Jack Wugby. +Come, take-a uWu youw wapiew, and come aftew my h-heew to the +couwt. +WUGBY. 'Tis weady, siw, h-hewe in the powch. +C-CAIUS. By *looks at you* my UwU twot, I tawwy t-too wong. *sighs* Od's me! Qu'ai *shuffles closer* j'oubwie? +D-Dewe i-is some s-simpwes in m-my cwoset d-dat >_< I viww nyot fow the +UwU vawwd uWu I shaww weave behind. +*teleports behind you* QUICKWY. Ay *giggles shyly* me, >_< he'ww find *twerks* the young *pokes you* man thewe, *twerks* and b-be +mad! +CAIUS. O *shuffles closer* diabwe, d-diabwe! vat is in my >_> cwoset? V-Viwwainy! w-wawwon! +[Puwwing *hugs tightly* SIMPWE out] Wugby, my wapiew! +Q-QUICKWY. Good mastew, be content. +CAIUS. *moans* Whewefowe s-shaww I be content-a? +QUICKWY. The young man is an honyest m-man. +CAIUS. What shaww de honyest man uWu do *notices bulge* in my cwoset? x3 Dewe is +nyo *teleports behind you* honyest man dat uWu shaww c-come in my cwoset. +QUICKWY. I beseech you, *teleports behind you* be n-nyot *shuffles closer* so ^-^ phwegmatic; *teleports behind you* heaw the +twuth o-of it. H-He came of an ewwand to me ^.^ fwom Pawson ^-^ Hugh. +CAIUS. Veww? +SIMPWE. Ay, fowsooth, to desiwe *cries* hew xDD to- +QUICKWY. Peace, I pway you. +CAIUS. >_< Peace-a youw tongue. Speak-a *screams* youw tawe. +UwU SIMPWE. *looks at you* To desiwe this honyest gentwewoman, y-youw >w< maid, to +speak a good wowd to *hugs tightly* Mistwess *twerks* Annye Page ^.^ fow my mastew, +in the way of mawwiage. +QUICKWY. This is a-aww, indeed, wa! but I'ww nye'ew *giggles shyly* put my f-fingew +in the fiwe, a-and UwU nyeed nyot. +OwO CAIUS. *hugs tightly* Siw H-Hugh send-a you? uWu Wugby, baiwwez me some papew. +Tawwy you a wittwe-a-whiwe. [Wwites] +QUICKWY. [Aside to SIMPWE] I am gwad h-he is so quiet; if ^w^ he +*teleports behind you* had b-been *cries* thwoughwy moved, you shouwd have heawd him +s-so woud and so mewanchowy. But nyotwithstanding, :33 man, I'ww +d-do y-you youw mastew what *twerks* good *looks away* I can; and the *looks away* vewy y-yea and +the nyo is, the Fwench doctow, m-my mastew-I may caww *cries* him +my mastew, wook *sweats* you, fow I *hugs tightly* keep his house; *hugs tightly* and I wash, +w-wwing, bwew, bake, scouw, dwess meat and dwink, make the +*notices bulge* beds, *cries* and do aww *cuddles you* mysewf- +SIMPWE. [Aside to QUICKWY] 'Tis a-a g-gweat chawge t-to c-come +undew onye body's hand. +QUICKWY. [Aside to SIMPWE] *sweats* Awe you avis'd o' that? You +s-shaww find i-it a *looks away* gweat chawge; and to be up eawwy and down +w-wate; but *looks away* nyotwithstanding-to t-teww you in youw eaw, I wouwd +have nyo wowds *screams* of it-my mastew himsewf is in wove with +Mistwess Annye Page; b-but nyotwithstanding OwO that, I-I knyow +*looks at you* Annye's mind-that's *blushes* nyeithew hewe nyow thewe. +CAIUS. *sighs* You jack'nyape; give-a this wettew to Siw H-Hugh; by gaw, +it is a-a shawwenge; I *shuffles closer* wiww cut h-his twoat in ^-^ de pawk; and I w-wiww +teach a scuwvy jack-a-nyape pwiest *blushes* to m-meddwe ow m-make. Y-You +may be gonye; it is nyot good you tawwy hewe. By *sweats* gaw, I wiww +cut *sighs* aww his two s-stonyes; by gaw, he s-shaww nyot have a stonye +to thwow at his dog. Exit SIMPWE +QUICKWY. Awas, he speaks but fow his fwiend. +CAIUS. It is *sweats* nyo mattew-a vew dat. Do nyot you teww-a m-me uWu dat *twerks* I +shaww have A-Annye Page xDD fow mysewf? By gaw, I v-viww kiww de *screams* Jack +pwiest; and I have appointed minye host of d-de Jawteew to +measuwe *looks away* ouw weapon. By gaw, I w-wiww mysewf have Annye +Page. +QUICKWY. Siw, the maid woves you, and aww uWu shaww b-be weww. ;;w;; We +must give fowks weave to pwate. What the good-yeaw! +CAIUS. Wugby, *looks at you* come to OwO the *cuddles you* couwt with me. >_< By gaw, if I have +nyot Annye Page, I shaww tuwn youw head o-out of m-my doow. +Fowwow my heews, W-Wugby. Exeunt CAIUS a-and WUGBY +QUICKWY. You s-shaww have-An foow's-head of youw own. Nyo, +I-I knyow ^.^ Annye's mind fow that; *cuddles you* nyevew a woman in Windsow +*sweats* knyows mowe of Annye's mind than I do; nyow can do mowe +than I *screams* do with hew, I thank heaven. +FENTON. [Within] Who's w-within thewe? *pokes you* ho! +QUICKWY. W-Who's thewe, I twow? Come nyeaw the house, I pway +you. + +E-Entew F-FENTON + +FENTON. How nyow, g-good woman, how ;;w;; dost thou? +QUICKWY. The bettew >_> that *moans* it pweases youw good wowship to +ask. +FENTON. What nyews? How d-does pwetty Mistwess Annye? +QUICKWY. In *teleports behind you* twuth, UwU siw, and she *blushes* is pwetty, *shuffles closer* and h-honyest, and +gentwe; and onye that is *sweats* youw fwiend, ^-^ I can teww you that by +the way; I p-pwaise heaven fow it. +FENTON. Shaww I-I do any good, think'st t-thou? Shaww I nyot wose +my suit? +QUICKWY. Twoth, siw, aww is in >_< His *moans* hands above; but +n-nyotwithstanding, Mastew Fenton, I'ww be s-swown o-on a book +she woves you. Have nyot youw wowship a wawt above youw e-eye? +FENTON. Yes, mawwy, have I; what of that? +*twerks* QUICKWY. W-Weww, theweby ^-^ hangs a tawe; g-good faith, it is such +a-anyothew *looks away* Nyan; but, I detest, an honyest maid as evew bwoke +bwead. We had an houw's tawk of that wawt; I s-shaww *cuddles you* nyevew +w-waugh *shuffles closer* but in t-that *shuffles closer* maid's company! But, indeed, she *sighs* is +given t-too much to a-awwichowy and m-musing; OwO but fow you-weww, +go to. +FENTON. Weww, I :33 shaww see hew to-day. Howd, thewe's monyey +*pokes you* fow *cuddles you* thee; wet me have thy voice in my b-behawf. ;;w;; If thou seest +hew befowe me, commend me. +Q-QUICKWY. Wiww I? I' faith, that we wiww; and I wiww teww youw +wowship mowe of the wawt the *notices bulge* nyext t-time w-we have c-confidence; +and of othew *teleports behind you* wooews. +FENTON. Weww, faweweww; I am in gweat haste n-nyow. +QUICKWY. Faweweww t-to y-youw *sweats* wowship. *cries* [Exit *sweats* FENTON] Twuwy, +an *looks at you* honyest gentweman; but Annye woves him n-nyot; xDD fow I *blushes* knyow +Annye's mind as >_< weww as anyothew does. *looks away* Out upon 't, *leans over* what +have I fowgot? *sighs* Exit + + + + +<w< GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE *moans* WEADABWE x3 COPIES *pokes you* MAY B-BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG A-AS SUCH ^-^ COPIES (1) AWE *leans over* FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) :33 AWE N-NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +xDD COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +S-SEWVICE uWu THAT CHAWGES FOW D-DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 1-1. + +Befowe PAGE'S house + +*twerks* Entew MISTWESS OwO PAGE, with a wettew + +MWS. PAGE. What! have I scap'd wove-wettews in the howiday-time +of my beauty, and am *looks away* I nyow a-a subject fow them? Wet +m-me see. [Weads] +'Ask m-me n-nyo *sweats* weason why I-I wove you; fow t-though Wove use +Weason fow his pwecisian, he admits him nyot fow his *cries* counsewwow. +Y-You awe nyot young, >_< nyo *looks away* mowe am I; go to, then, thewe's +sympathy. You awe x3 mewwy, s-so ^-^ am I-I; *cries* ha! h-ha! *leans over* then x3 thewe's +mowe sympathy. You wove sack, and so do I; wouwd >_> you +desiwe bettew sympathy? *screams* Wet it suffice thee, Mistwess Page +at the weast, if the wove of ;;w;; sowdiew can suffice-that I wove +thee. I wiww *hugs tightly* nyot say, Pity me: 'tis nyot *blushes* a sowdiew-wike :33 phwase; +but I-I say, Wove me. B-By m-me, +Thinye own *giggles shyly* twue knyight, +By day ow nyight, +*notices bulge* Ow any k-kind >_< of wight, +With aww his might, +F-Fow thee *notices bulge* to fight, +*leans over* JOHN F-FAWSTAFF.' +What a Hewod of J-Jewwy ;;w;; is this! O-O wicked, wicked wowwd! +Onye t-that i-is weww-nyigh *cries* wown to pieces w-with age to show +*cuddles you* himsewf a *blushes* young gawwant! What an *shuffles closer* unweighed behaviouw +hath this F-Fwemish dwunkawd pick'd-with the deviw's nyame! +-out of my convewsation, that he ^w^ dawes in t-this mannyew +assay me? Why, h-he *hugs tightly* hath *moans* nyot been thwice in my c-company! +What shouwd I say t-to ;;w;; him? I was then fwugaw of my miwth. +Heaven fowgive me! Why, I-I'ww e-exhibit ;;w;; a biww in the pawwiament +fow the putting down of men. How s-shaww I be +w-weveng'd on him? fow weveng'd *sighs* I wiww be, *cries* as suwe a-as his g-guts +>_< awe *giggles shyly* made of puddings. + +Entew MISTWESS FOWD + +MWS. xDD FOWD. Mistwess Page! twust me, I was going to youw +*teleports behind you* house. +*teleports behind you* MWS. PAGE. And, twust me, I was coming t-to y-you. You wook +vewy iww. +MWS. FOWD. N-Nyay, I'ww nye'ew bewieve that; I h-have to show to +*shuffles closer* the contwawy. +MWS. PAGE. Faith, but you do, in *leans over* my mind. +MWS. FOWD. Weww, I *moans* do, then; yet, I-I *shuffles closer* say, I couwd show you to +the contwawy. O Mistwess *pokes you* Page, give me some *hugs tightly* counsew. +MWS. P-PAGE. What's the mattew, woman? +MWS. F-FOWD. O w-woman, if it *pokes you* wewe n-nyot :33 fow onye *teleports behind you* twifwing wespect, +I couwd c-come to s-such honyouw! +MWS. PAGE. Hang the :33 twifwe, woman; >w< take the honyouw. What +is it? Dispense *notices bulge* with t-twifwes; what is *notices bulge* it? +MWS. FOWD. If I wouwd but go to heww fow an etewnyaw moment +ow so, I couwd *hugs tightly* be knyighted. +MWS. PAGE. What? Thou *looks away* wiest. Siw Awice Fowd! These knyights +wiww hack; and so thou shouwdst nyot awtew the awticwe of thy +g-gentwy. +MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. ^-^ We buwn daywight. Hewe, wead, wead; p-pewceive +how I might be knyighted. I shaww think the wowse of fat +men a-as wong a-as I-I have an eye *sweats* to make diffewence of men's +wiking. :33 And yet he wouwd nyot sweaw; pwais'd women's +modesty, and gave *teleports behind you* such owdewwy and weww-behaved wepwoof +to aww uncomewinyess *cries* that I wouwd have ^-^ swown his disposition +wouwd have gonye to the uWu twuth of his wowds; but they do nyo +mowe adhewe and keep pwace togethew than the Hundwedth +Psawm to the tunye of 'Gweensweeves.' What tempest, I twow, +xDD thwew this whawe, with so many tuns of oiw in his bewwy, +ashowe a-at Windsow? How shaww I be wevenged on him? I +think UwU the ^-^ best w-way wewe to entewtain him *pokes you* with hope, tiww +the wicked fiwe of wust >w< have mewted :3 him in his own gwease. +*shuffles closer* Did you evew heaw the wike? +MWS. *notices bulge* PAGE. Wettew fow w-wettew, but that the nyame of Page UwU and +Fowd diffews. To thy gweat comfowt in this mystewy of iww +opinyions, uWu hewe's the t-twin-bwothew of thy wettew; but wet thinye +inhewit fiwst, f-fow, I xDD pwotest, minye nyevew shaww. I-I wawwant he +hath a thousand *leans over* of t-these x3 wettews, wwit with b-bwank space fow +diffewent n-nyames-suwe, mowe!-and these awe of the second +edition. *twerks* He wiww pwint them, out o-of doubt; *sighs* fow he cawes nyot +what he puts into the pwess when he wouwd put us two. I +h-had wathew be a giantess and wie >w< undew Mount Pewion. Weww, +I-I wiww find *giggles shyly* you *shuffles closer* twenty wascivious t-tuwtwes OwO ewe *giggles shyly* onye chaste +man. +MWS. FOWD. Why, t-this uWu is the *screams* vewy s-same; *cuddles you* the vewy hand, ^.^ the +:33 vewy w-wowds. *looks away* What doth he ^w^ think of us? +MWS. PAGE. ^.^ Nyay, *cuddles you* I knyow nyot; it m-makes me a-awmost weady to +wwangwe with m-minye *looks at you* own honyesty. I'ww entewtain mysewf wike +x3 onye :33 that I :3 am nyot *giggles shyly* acquainted withaw; f-fow, s-suwe, *shuffles closer* unwess OwO he +knyow some ^-^ stwain in me that I knyow nyot m-mysewf, he wouwd +nyevew have b-boawded m-me in this f-fuwy. +*cuddles you* MWS. F-FOWD. 'Boawding' OwO caww you it? I-I'ww be suwe to k-keep x3 him +above deck. +MWS. PAGE. So wiww I; if he come undew my hatches, I-I'ww >w< nyevew +t-to sea again. Wet's be :3 weveng'd on *looks away* him; wet's appoint *looks at you* him a +meeting, give h-him a show of comfowt in his suit, ^.^ and wead +h-him on with a finye-baited deway, tiww he >_> hath pawn'd his +howses to minye host o-of the Gawtew. +MWS. *hugs tightly* FOWD. Nyay, I wiww consent to a-act any viwwainy a-against +him that may nyot suwwy the *moans* chawinyess o-of ouw honyesty. O +that my husband saw this w-wettew! It w-wouwd give e-etewnyaw food +to his jeawousy. +MWS. PAGE. Why, wook whewe he comes; *moans* and my good man +OwO too; he's as faw fwom jeawousy a-as I :33 am fwom ^.^ giving h-him +cause; and *looks at you* that, I hope, i-is an *looks away* unmeasuwabwe distance. +M-MWS. FOWD. You awe the happiew woman. +MWS. PAGE. Wet's consuwt togethew against this gweasy knyight. +Come hithew. [They w-wetiwe] + +Entew FOWD with PISTOW, and P-PAGE with Nym + +FOWD. OwO Weww, I-I uWu hope it be nyot *notices bulge* so. +PISTOW. >_> Hope is a cuwtaw dog in some affaiws. +Siw John affects thy :33 wife. +F-FOWD. Why, siw, my wife is nyot young. +x3 PISTOW. H-He woos both high OwO and wow, both wich and poow, +Both *looks at you* young a-and owd, onye w-with anyothew, Fowd; +He woves *leans over* the g-gawwimaufwy. Fowd, p-pewpend. +*cuddles you* FOWD. Wove my wife! +PISTOW. With wivew buwnying hot. Pwevent, ow go *blushes* thou, +Wike Siw Actaeon he, with W-Wingwood at thy heews. +O, *cries* odious is the nyame! +FOWD. What nyame, siw? +PISTOW. The hown, I-I say. Faweweww. +Take heed, have ^w^ open ^.^ eye, fow thieves do foot by nyight; +Take h-heed, ewe summew comes, ow cuckoo biwds do sing. +Away, Siw *shuffles closer* Cowpowaw *cries* Nym. +>_< Bewieve it, Page; he speaks sense. Exit PISTOW +FOWD. [Aside] I wiww be patient; I wiww find out this. +NYM. [To PAGE] And this i-is twue; I wike n-nyot the humouw of +wying. He hath wwonged me in some humouws; I shouwd +have >_> bownye the humouw'd *moans* wettew to hew; but I ^.^ have :33 a swowd, +a-and it shaww bite upon my nyecessity. H-He woves youw :3 wife; +thewe's the showt and the wong. +My nyame UwU is *looks away* Cowpowaw xDD Nym; I *giggles shyly* speak, *looks away* and I a-avouch; +'Tis twue. My nyame i-is Nym, and Fawstaff woves youw wife. +Adieu! ^w^ I wove nyot the humouw of bwead and cheese; and +thewe's the humouw of *teleports behind you* it. Adieu. Exit N-Nym +PAGE. 'The humouw o-of it,' quoth 'a! Hewe's a fewwow fwights +Engwish out o-of his wits. +FOWD. I wiww seek o-out Fawstaff. +PAGE. :3 I nyevew heawd such a >w< dwawwing, affecting wogue. +FOWD. If I do find it-weww. +PAGE. I wiww nyot bewieve such a-a Cataian *pokes you* though t-the pwiest o' +th' town commended him fow a t-twue *giggles shyly* man. +FOWD. 'Twas a good sensibwe fewwow. *sweats* Weww. + +MISTWESS PAGE and ;;w;; MISTWESS FOWD come fowwawd + +PAGE. How :3 nyow, Meg! +M-MWS. PAGE. Whithew >_> go y-you, Geowge? Hawk you. +MWS. FOWD. How nyow, sweet *sighs* Fwank, w-why awt thou mewanchowy? +FOWD. I mewanchowy! I-I am n-nyot m-mewanchowy. Get *leans over* you home; +go. +MWS. FOWD. Faith, thou hast some cwotchets in thy head >_< nyow. +Wiww you ;;w;; go, Mistwess :3 Page? + +Entew MISTWESS *looks away* QUICKWY + +MWS. PAGE. Have with uWu you. You'ww c-come to *screams* dinnyew, Geowge? +[Aside to xDD MWS. F-FOWD] *moans* Wook *sighs* who c-comes yondew; s-she s-shaww +be ouw messengew *cries* to t-this pawtwy knyight. +*leans over* MWS. F-FOWD. [Aside uWu to MWS. PAGE] Twust >w< me, I thought on +hew; she'ww fit it. +MWS. PAGE. You awe *shuffles closer* come t-to see my *teleports behind you* daughtew Annye? +QUICKWY. Ay, fowsooth; and, I p-pway, how d-does good Mistwess Annye? +MWS. PAGE. G-Go in with us a-and s-see; we have an *screams* houw's tawk +with you. Exeunt MISTWESS PAGE, MISTWESS FOWD, and +MISTWESS QUICKWY +PAGE. *notices bulge* How nyow, Mastew Fowd! +FOWD. You heawd what t-this knyave towd me, did you nyot? +P-PAGE. Y-Yes; and you *sweats* heawd what the othew towd me? +FOWD. Do you think thewe is twuth *notices bulge* in x3 them? +PAGE. H-Hang 'em, swaves! I do n-nyot think t-the knyight wouwd o-offew it; +*sweats* but these that accuse him in h-his intent towawds ouw +wives awe a yoke of his discawded men; vewy w-wogues, xDD nyow +they be out o-of sewvice. +FOWD. Wewe they his m-men? +PAGE. Mawwy, xDD wewe t-they. +FOWD. I wike it *pokes you* nyevew the bettew fow that. Does he wie at the +Gawtew? +P-PAGE. Ay, mawwy, does he. If he shouwd >_> intend this voyage +OwO towawd my wife, I wouwd tuwn hew woose t-to him; and what +he gets m-mowe of hew than shawp wowds, *giggles shyly* wet it wie on my head. +F-FOWD. I do nyot misdoubt my w-wife; but I wouwd be woath *blushes* to +tuwn them togethew. A man ^-^ may be t-too confident. I wouwd +have nyothing wie on m-my head. I cannyot be thus s-satisfied. + +Entew H-HOST + +PAGE. Wook whewe m-my wanting host o-of the Gawtew comes. +*leans over* Thewe is eithew wiquow in his pate ow *screams* monyey in his puwse +w-when he *pokes you* wooks so mewwiwy. How n-nyow, minye host! +HOST. How nyow, buwwy wook! Thou'wt a-a g-gentweman. [To +SHAWWOW fowwowing] Cavaweiwo *teleports behind you* Justice, I-I say. + +Entew S-SHAWWOW + +SHAWWOW. I fowwow, minye *leans over* host, I fowwow. Good even and +*hugs tightly* twenty, good Mastew Page! M-Mastew Page, wiww *notices bulge* you go with +us? *leans over* We have spowt i-in hand. +H-HOST. Teww him, Cavaweiwo *notices bulge* Justice; teww him, *hugs tightly* buwwy wook. +SHAWWOW. Siw, thewe is a-a fway to be >_> fought between uWu Siw *screams* Hugh +*hugs tightly* the Wewsh pwiest and C-Caius the Fwench >_< doctow. +FOWD. Good minye host o' th' Gawtew, a wowd with *pokes you* you. +HOST. What say'st thou, my *screams* buwwy wook? *blushes* [They go aside] +SHAWWOW. [-[To >_< PAGE] *pokes you* Wiww >w< you go with us to >_< behowd it? My +mewwy h-host hath h-had the *cuddles you* measuwing of theiw weapons; and, +xDD I *cuddles you* think, hath a-appointed them uWu contwawy pwaces; fow, bewieve +me, I-I heaw the pawson is nyo jestew. OwO Hawk, >w< I wiww teww you +what o-ouw spowt shaww be. [They convewse apawt] +HOST. ^.^ Hast thou nyo suit against my knyight, my guest-cavaweiwo. +FOWD. Nyonye, I pwotest; but I'ww give you a pottwe of buwnt +sack to give me wecouwse to him, and teww him *looks away* my nyame is +Bwook-onwy fow a jest. +HOST. M-My hand, buwwy; >_< thou shawt ;;w;; have *cries* egwess a-and wegwess- +said I weww?-and thy nyame shaww *blushes* be B-Bwook. It *pokes you* is a *cuddles you* mewwy +knyight. Wiww you g-go, Mynheews? +*giggles shyly* SHAWWOW. OwO Have with you, minye host. +PAGE. *giggles shyly* I *leans over* have heawd t-the Fwenchman hath *shuffles closer* good skiww i-in his +w-wapiew. +SHAWWOW. Tut, siw, *screams* I couwd have towd you mowe. In ^.^ these +times you stand on d-distance, *shuffles closer* youw passes, stoccadoes, and +I k-knyow nyot what. *teleports behind you* 'Tis the *twerks* heawt, Mastew Page; 'tis *blushes* hewe, +'tis h-hewe. I h-have seen the time *sighs* with my wong swowd I-I wouwd +have made you f-fouw *twerks* taww fewwows skip wike wats. +H-HOST. >_> Hewe, boys, hewe, hewe! S-Shaww we wag? +PAGE. H-Have with you. I-I had wathew heaw t-them scowd than +fight. E-Exeunt aww but FOWD +FOWD. Though Page *screams* be a secuwe foow, and stands so fiwmwy on +his wife's f-fwaiwty, yet >w< I c-cannyot put off my opinyion s-so +*shuffles closer* easiwy. She was in h-his company >w< at Page's h-house, and w-what +they m-made thewe I *looks away* knyow nyot. Weww, I wiww *cuddles you* wook fuwthew into +x3 't, a-and I have a disguise to sound Fawstaff. If I *looks at you* find hew +*looks away* honyest, I w-wose n-nyot m-my wabouw; if s-she be othewwise, 'tis xDD wabouw +w-weww bestowed. Exit + + + + +S-SCENyE *cuddles you* 2. + +*cries* A woom in the Gawtew Inn + +Entew FAWSTAFF a-and PISTOW + +F-FAWSTAFF. I wiww nyot >_< wend thee a penny. +PISTOW. I wiww *shuffles closer* wetowt the sum in equipage. +FAWSTAFF. Nyot a p-penny. +P-PISTOW. *cuddles you* Why, then t-the ^-^ wowwd's minye *screams* oystew. Which I *hugs tightly* with +swowd wiww open. +FAWSTAFF. N-Nyot uWu a penny. I uWu have been content, siw, you shouwd +way m-my countenyance to pawn. I-I have gwated upon *cries* my g-good +f-fwiends f-fow thwee wepwieves fow y-you and youw c-coach-fewwow, +Nym; ow ^w^ ewse y-you had wook'd thwough the gwate, wike a +geminy of ^w^ baboons. I am *sighs* damn'd in heww OwO fow sweawing to +gentwemen my fwiends you wewe good sowdiews and taww fewwows; +and when Mistwess OwO Bwidget wost the handwe of hew fan, +>w< I took *blushes* 't upon minye *giggles shyly* honyouw thou hadst it nyot. +PISTOW. Didst nyot thou s-shawe? Hadst thou nyot fifteen pence? +F-FAWSTAFF. Weason, you wogue, weason. Think'st thou I'ww +endangew m-my souw *cries* gwatis? At a w-wowd, hang nyo mowe about me, +I am nyo gibbet fow you. Go-a showt knyife and a-a thwong!- +to youw manyow of Pickt-hatch; x3 go. You'ww nyot beaw a wettew +fow me, you wogue! You stand upon y-youw honyouw! Why, +thou unconfinyabwe b-basenyess, it is as much *hugs tightly* as I can do to +keep the tewms of my honyouw pwecise. I, I, I mysewf +sometimes, weaving the feaw of God on the weft hand, and hiding +minye h-honyouw in my nyecessity, am *twerks* fain x3 to shuffwe, to h-hedge, +and to wuwch; and x3 yet you, wogue, *teleports behind you* wiww ensconce xDD youw *cuddles you* wags, +y-youw cat-a-mountain wooks, youw wed-wattice *cries* phwases, and +youw bowd-beating oaths, u-undew the shewtew of youw honyouw! +You wiww nyot do it, you! +PISTOW. I d-do wewent; w-what wouwd thou mowe of man? + +*looks at you* Entew W-WOBIN + +WOBIN. Siw, hewe's a woman w-wouwd speak with you. +FAWSTAFF. W-Wet ^w^ hew appwoach. + +Entew MISTWESS *sweats* QUICKWY + +*sweats* QUICKWY. Give youw wowship good mowwow. +FAWSTAFF. *blushes* Good mowwow, good w-wife. +QUICKWY. Nyot so, an't pwease youw w-wowship. +FAWSTAFF. G-Good maid, then. +QUICKWY. I'ww be swown; +As *sweats* my mothew was, the fiwst houw I was b-bown. +FAWSTAFF. I do b-bewieve the sweawew. What with *leans over* me? +QUICKWY. Shaww I-I vouchsafe >_> youw w-wowship a wowd ow >w< two? +>w< FAWSTAFF. Two t-thousand, f-faiw w-woman; and I'ww v-vouchsafe +thee the heawing. +QUICKWY. Thewe is onye Mistwess Fowd, siw-I pway, c-come a wittwe +n-nyeawew this ways. I-I m-mysewf dweww with Mastew Doctow +Caius. +FAWSTAFF. Weww, on: Mistwess Fowd, y-you say- +QUICKWY. Youw w-wowship says vewy twue. I pway youw wowship +come a wittwe nyeawew this ways. +FAWSTAFF. I *cries* wawwant thee nyobody h-heaws-minye own peopwe, +minye own peopwe. +QUICKWY. Awe t-they so? God bwess *looks away* them, and make them *notices bulge* his +*looks at you* sewvants! +FAWSTAFF. Weww; Mistwess Fowd, what *sighs* of hew? +QUICKWY. W-Why, s-siw, she's a good cweatuwe. *giggles shyly* Wowd, W-Wowd, youw +wowship's a wanton! Weww, h-heaven fowgive you, and aww of +us, I OwO pway. +FAWSTAFF. Mistwess F-Fowd; ^.^ come, Mistwess Fowd- +QUICKWY. *giggles shyly* Mawwy, this is t-the showt and the *screams* wong of it: UwU you +have bwought hew into such a-a canyawies as 'tis *giggles shyly* wondewfuw. +The b-best couwtiew of them a-aww, when the couwt way at Windsow, +*looks at you* couwd nyevew have bwought h-hew to *sweats* such a canyawy. Yet +thewe has been knyights, a-and wowds, and gentwemen, with +t-theiw coaches; I wawwant you, coach a-aftew coach, wettew aftew +wettew, gift aftew *moans* gift; smewwing s-so *moans* sweetwy, a-aww musk, a-and so +*leans over* wushwing, I wawwant you, *moans* in siwk UwU and g-gowd; and in such awwigant +tewms; *giggles shyly* and in such winye and sugaw >_> of the best and the +faiwest, that ;;w;; wouwd h-have won any w-woman's heawt; a-and I +wawwant you, they couwd nyevew get an eye-wink of hew. +I had mysewf t-twenty *looks at you* angews given me this ;;w;; mownying; *hugs tightly* but I-I +defy aww angews, in any such sowt, a-as t-they say, but in the +way of h-honyesty; and, I wawwant you, they couwd nyevew *shuffles closer* get +hew so much as sip on a cup with the ^.^ pwoudest of them aww; +and yet *looks away* thewe has been eawws, nyay, which is mowe, +pensionyews; b-but, I wawwant you, aww is onye *leans over* with hew. +FAWSTAFF. But what says she to me? Be *twerks* bwief, my good she- +*cuddles you* Mewcuwy. +Q-QUICKWY. Mawwy, she hath weceiv'd *notices bulge* youw wettew; fow the +which she thanks you a thousand :33 times; a-and she gives you +to UwU nyotify that hew husband w-wiww b-be a-absence fwom ;;w;; his h-house +between ten and eweven. +FAWSTAFF. T-Ten *hugs tightly* and >_< eweven? +QUICKWY. Ay, fowsooth; and then you may come and see +the p-pictuwe, she ^-^ says, that you wot of. M-Mastew Fowd, hew +*twerks* husband, w-wiww b-be fwom *cries* home. Awas, the sweet *moans* woman weads +an iww wife with him! He's a vewy xDD jeawousy *notices bulge* man; she weads *screams* a +vewy fwampowd w-wife with him, g-good heawt. +F-FAWSTAFF. Ten and eweven. Woman, commend me to hew; I +wiww n-nyot faiw hew. +QUICKWY. Why, you say weww. But I h-have anyothew messengew +to youw wowship. Mistwess *leans over* Page hath hew heawty commendations +to you too; a-and wet me teww *looks at you* you in youw eaw, she's as +fawtuous a civiw modest wife, and onye, I teww you, that wiww +nyot >_> miss you mownying nyow evenying pwayew, as any is in +W-Windsow, whoe'ew be the othew; and >w< she bade me t-teww youw +wowship that hew husband is *leans over* sewdom *blushes* fwom home, but she +hopes thewe *leans over* wiww come a time. I nyevew knyew a w-woman so +*cuddles you* dote upon a man: s-suwewy I think y-you have chawms, wa! Yes, +in twuth. +*cuddles you* FAWSTAFF. N-Nyot *teleports behind you* I, *shuffles closer* I assuwe t-thee; setting the *cuddles you* attwaction of my +good p-pawts aside, I-I have nyo othew chawms. +:33 QUICKWY. Bwessing on *hugs tightly* youw heawt fow 't! +FAWSTAFF. But, I-I pway t-thee, teww me this: has Fowd's wife and +Page's wife acquainted *shuffles closer* each othew ;;w;; how they wove me? +QUICKWY. *blushes* That wewe ;;w;; a jest indeed! They ;;w;; have nyot so wittwe +gwace, I hope-that w-wewe a twick indeed! But Mistwess Page +wouwd *shuffles closer* desiwe you *pokes you* to send hew youw wittwe page of aww woves. +Hew husband has a mawvewwous *moans* infection to the wittwe page; +and *screams* twuwy Mastew Page is an honyest man. Nyevew *cries* a wife in +Windsow weads a bettew wife than she does; :33 do what she wiww, +say what she wiww, t-take aww, pay *sweats* aww, go >_> to bed when ^-^ she +wist, wise when UwU she wist, *sweats* aww is *teleports behind you* as she wiww; and twuwy she +d-desewves it; fow if thewe be a kind woman in Windsow, *moans* she +is o-onye. You m-must send hew youw page; nyo w-wemedy. +FAWSTAFF. Why, *screams* I *cries* wiww. +QUICKWY. N-Nyay, ^w^ but d-do ;;w;; so t-then; and, wook you, he m-may come +and go between y-you both; and in >_> any case *notices bulge* have a +*notices bulge* nyay-wowd, that you may knyow onye anyothew's mind, *giggles shyly* and *cries* the boy +^-^ nyevew >_> nyeed to undewstand any ^w^ thing; fow 'tis nyot good that +chiwdwen shouwd knyow any wickednyess. Owd fowks, you +knyow, have discwetion, a-as they say, and knyow the wowwd. +FAWSTAFF. Fawe t-thee weww; c-commend me to them both. +Thewe's my puwse; I am yet thy debtow. Boy, go awong with +this woman. [Exeunt Q-QUICKWY and *looks away* WOBIN] *shuffles closer* This nyews +distwacts me. +PISTOW. [Aside] x3 This punk ^-^ is onye o-of Cupid's cawwiews; +Cwap *sweats* on mowe saiws; puwsue; u-up with youw fights; +G-Give fiwe; she is my pwize, o-ow *twerks* ocean whewm them aww! Exit +FAWSTAFF. Say'st thou so, owd Jack; go thy ways; I'ww m-make +mowe of thy ^w^ owd b-body than I :33 have donye. W-Wiww they *hugs tightly* yet wook +aftew thee? Wiwt thou, aftew the expense *twerks* of UwU so much *blushes* monyey, +be nyow a-a gainyew? Good body, I-I thank thee. Wet them say +;;w;; 'tis >_< gwosswy donye; so it be faiwwy donye, nyo mattew. + +E-Entew BAWDOWPH + +BAWDOWPH. Siw *looks away* John, thewe's onye Mastew Bwook bewow wouwd +fain speak with you, and be acquainted *giggles shyly* with you; and hath +sent youw wowship a moming's dwaught >_> of sack. +FAWSTAFF. >w< Bwook *pokes you* is his nyame? +*hugs tightly* BAWDOWPH. Ay, siw. +FAWSTAFF. Caww h-him in. [Exit BAWDOWPH] ;;w;; Such Bwooks a-awe +w-wewcome to me, that o'ewfwows such wiquow. *screams* Ah, ha! Mistwess +Fowd *moans* and *looks away* Mistwess Page, have I encompass'd you? Go t-to; +via! + +W-We-entew BAWDOWPH, w-with FOWD disguised + +FOWD. Bwess you, ;;w;; siw! +x3 FAWSTAFF. *giggles shyly* And y-you, siw! Wouwd you speak *blushes* with m-me? +FOWD. I m-make bowd to pwess with so wittwe pwepawation upon +you. +FAWSTAFF. You'we wewcome. What's OwO youw wiww? uWu Give u-us weave, +d-dwawew. Exit B-BAWDOWPH +FOWD. Siw, I am a g-gentweman t-that have spent much; m-my nyame +*twerks* is Bwook. +FAWSTAFF. Good uWu Mastew Bwook, I desiwe mowe acquaintance +of you. +FOWD. Good Siw John, I sue fow ;;w;; youws-nyot to chawge you; fow I +*twerks* must wet you *leans over* undewstand I *cries* think mysewf in bettew pwight *sweats* fow +a wendew than you awe; the which h-hath something +embowd'nyed me to this u-unseason'd intwusion; fow they say, i-if +m-monyey g-go befowe, aww ways do wie open. +FAWSTAFF. Monyey ^w^ is a *pokes you* good sowdiew, siw, and wiww on. +FOWD. Twoth, and I have a bag of monyey hewe twoubwes me; if +you wiww hewp to beaw it, *screams* Siw John, take aww, ow hawf, fow >w< easing +me of the *pokes you* cawwiage. +FAWSTAFF. Siw, I-I knyow nyot xDD how I may desewve >_> to be youw +powtew. +*looks away* FOWD. I wiww teww y-you, siw, if you wiww give me the heawing. +FAWSTAFF. Speak, good Mastew Bwook; I shaww be gwad to be +youw sewvant. +FOWD. Siw, I heaw you awe a schowaw-I wiww be ;;w;; bwief with you +-and x3 you ^w^ have *looks at you* been a man wong knyown to me, though I +had nyevew so good means as desiwe to make mysewf acquainted +with you. I shaww discovew a thing to you, whewein +I must vewy much way open minye own impewfection; UwU but, +g-good Siw John, as you h-have onye eye *shuffles closer* upon >_> my fowwies, as you +h-heaw t-them unfowded, t-tuwn anyothew into the wegistew of youw +*cuddles you* own, that I may pass with a-a wepwoof the ^.^ easiew, sith you +>_> youwsewf k-knyow x3 how easy is i-it t-to be such an offendew. +FAWSTAFF. Vewy weww, siw; pwoceed. +FOWD. Thewe is a gentwewoman in this t-town, hew husband's +nyame is Fowd. +*cuddles you* FAWSTAFF. Weww, siw. +FOWD. I have *twerks* wong wov'd hew, and, I pwotest to you, bestowed +much on hew; fowwowed hew *cuddles you* with *leans over* a doting obsewvance; +e-engwoss'd oppowtunyities t-to meet h-hew; fee'd evewy swight occasion +that x3 couwd but nyiggawdwy give me sight of hew; nyot +onwy bought many *looks at you* pwesents t-to give hew, but have g-given +wawgewy *teleports behind you* to m-many to knyow what she wouwd have given; +bwiefwy, I-I have puwsu'd hew as wove hath puwsued me; w-which +hath been *leans over* on the wing of aww occasions. But whatsoevew I +have mewited, eithew in m-my *hugs tightly* mind ow *cries* in my means, meed, I +am suwe, I have w-weceived nyonye, unwess expewience be a j-jewew; +that I have puwchased at an infinyite wate, *cuddles you* and that h-hath +taught *notices bulge* me to say this: +'Wove *cuddles you* wike a s-shadow fwies w-when substance wove puwsues; +Puwsuing that that f-fwies, *sighs* and fwying w-what puwsues.' +FAWSTAFF. Have y-you weceiv'd nyo pwomise *sighs* of satisfaction >_< at +hew hands? +FOWD. Nyevew. +FAWSTAFF. Have you *pokes you* impowtun'd hew to such a puwpose? +FOWD. Nyevew. +FAWSTAFF. :3 Of what q-quawity was youw wove, then? +*cries* FOWD. Wike a faiw house buiwt on anyothew man's gwound; so +that *leans over* I have wost my x3 edifice by mistaking t-the pwace whewe +*looks away* ewected *cuddles you* it. +FAWSTAFF. To what puwpose have you unfowded this to me? +x3 FOWD. When I h-have towd you that, I have towd you aww. Some +say that though she appeaw honyest *screams* to me, yet i-in othew +pwaces she enwawgeth ^-^ hew *sweats* miwth so ^.^ faw *sweats* that thewe i-is *giggles shyly* shwewd +constwuction made of hew. Nyow, S-Siw John, hewe is the heawt +of my puwpose: you awe a *looks at you* gentweman of excewwent +bweeding, a-admiwabwe discouwse, of gweat *sighs* admittance, authentic in +youw >_> pwace and xDD pewson, g-genyewawwy awwow'd xDD fow youw many +*leans over* waw-wike, couwtwike, ^w^ and weawnyed pwepawations. +FAWSTAFF. *sweats* O, siw! +FOWD. Bewieve it, fow ;;w;; you knyow it. Thewe is monyey; spend it, +spend *pokes you* it; spend mowe; spend aww I have; onwy give me so +much xDD of youw time in *moans* exchange of it as to way an amiabwe +siege t-to the honyesty of this Fowd's wife; use youw awt of +wooing, win h-hew to consent to *looks at you* you; if any man m-may, *shuffles closer* you +may as ^-^ soon *sighs* as any. +FAWSTAFF. W-Wouwd *hugs tightly* it appwy weww t-to the vehemency of youw +affection, t-that I shouwd win what you wouwd enjoy? +Methinks you pwescwibe to youwsewf vewy pwepostewouswy. +F-FOWD. >_< O, undewstand UwU my d-dwift. *cries* She dwewws so secuwewy on *notices bulge* the +excewwency of hew honyouw that the fowwy of my souw dawes +nyot pwesent ^-^ itsewf; she is too bwight to be wook'd against. +N-Nyow, couwd I come to hew with any detection in my hand, +my desiwes had instance and awgument UwU to c-commend themsewves; +uWu I couwd dwive hew then fwom the w-wawd ^-^ of hew puwity, +>w< hew *twerks* weputation, hew mawwiage vow, and *looks at you* a thousand othew h-hew +defences, which nyow awe too too stwongwy embattw'd against +me. What say you to't, S-Siw *hugs tightly* John? +FAWSTAFF. Mastew Bwook, I wiww fiwst make bowd with youw +monyey; nyext, give me youw hand; and wast, as I am a gentweman, +you shaww, if you :33 wiww, enjoy Fowd's wife. +FOWD. O good *sweats* siw! +FAWSTAFF. I s-say y-you shaww. +FOWD. Want OwO nyo monyey, Siw John; you shaww want nyonye. +F-FAWSTAFF. W-Want xDD nyo Mistwess Fowd, Mastew Bwook; you shaww +want n-nyonye. I-I shaww *moans* be with h-hew, I-I *giggles shyly* may teww you, by hew own +appointment; even as *looks at you* you came in to me ^w^ hew assistant, ow +*cuddles you* go-between, *sighs* pawted fwom me; I say xDD I shaww be with hew between +ten and eweven; *cuddles you* fow at that time *blushes* the jeawous wascawwy +knyave, *notices bulge* hew husband, wiww be *moans* fowth. Come you to me at +;;w;; nyight; y-you shaww k-knyow how I speed. +FOWD. I UwU am bwest in youw acquaintance. Do ^-^ you knyow >_< Fowd, +S-Siw? +FAWSTAFF. Hang him, poow cuckowdwy knyave! I knyow him +nyot; *sweats* yet I wwong him *pokes you* to caww him poow; they say the +UwU jeawous wittowwy knyave hath masses of m-monyey; UwU fow the w-which +his OwO wife seems *teleports behind you* to me weww-favouw'd. I *looks away* wiww use hew as t-the +key :3 of the >w< cuckowdwy w-wogue's coffew; uWu and *pokes you* thewe's my hawvest-home. +FOWD. I wouwd you knyew *hugs tightly* Fowd, siw, that you might avoid him +if y-you saw him. +FAWSTAFF. Hang h-him, *giggles shyly* mechanyicaw sawt-buttew *hugs tightly* wogue! I-I wiww +s-stawe h-him out *shuffles closer* of his wits; ^w^ I wiww *sweats* awe him with my cudgew; +i-it shaww hang w-wike *twerks* a meteow *sweats* o'ew the cuckowd's howns. Mastew +Bwook, thou ^-^ shawt knyow I w-wiww pwedominyate ovew the +peasant, a-and thou shawt wie with *pokes you* his w-wife. Come to me soon at +nyight. *sweats* Fowd's a knyave, and I wiww aggwavate his stywe; thou, +Mastew Bwook, shawt *pokes you* knyow him fow knyave and cuckowd. +Come *pokes you* to me soon *screams* at nyight. Exit +FOWD. What a damn'd Epicuwean w-wascaw is this! My h-heawt is +weady to cwack with impatience. Who ^-^ says ;;w;; this is impwovident +jeawousy? *giggles shyly* My wife hath s-sent to him; *screams* the houw x3 is fix'd; +the match is made. Wouwd *looks away* any man have thought t-this? See +the ^w^ heww of having a f-fawse woman! My b-bed shaww be abus'd, +my coffews wansack'd, my weputation gnyawn at; and I-I shaww +*cuddles you* nyot o-onwy weceive this viwwainyous wwong, but stand undew the +adoption *cries* of abominyabwe tewms, and b-by him *teleports behind you* that does OwO me +this wwong. Tewms! n-nyames! xDD Amaimon sounds weww; Wucifew, +weww; Bawbason, weww; OwO yet they awe :3 deviws' *sighs* additions, the nyames +of uWu fiends. But cuckowd! *leans over* Wittow! Cuckowd! ^w^ the deviw himsewf +hath *moans* nyot ^.^ such a nyame. Page is an *leans over* ass, a secuwe ass; he wiww twust +UwU his wife; he wiww nyot *sweats* be jeawous; *blushes* I wiww wathew twust a Fweming +with my b-buttew, Pawson Hugh the Wewshman *pokes you* with my +cheese, an Iwishman with my aqua-vitae bottwe, ow a t-thief to +wawk my *giggles shyly* ambwing gewding, than my wife with *shuffles closer* hewsewf. Then +x3 she pwots, OwO then ^-^ she w-wuminyates, :33 then ^-^ she devises; and what +they think in theiw heawts *shuffles closer* they may effect, they wiww bweak +theiw *leans over* heawts but they wiww effect. God be pwais'd fow my +jeawousy! Eweven o'cwock the houw. I wiww pwevent this, detect +my wife, be weveng'd on F-Fawstaff, *notices bulge* and waugh *blushes* at Page. +I wiww about it; bettew thwee houws too soon than a minyute +too wate. F-Fie, *shuffles closer* fie, fie! c-cuckowd! cuckowd! cuckowd! *giggles shyly* Exit + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +*giggles shyly* A fiewd nyeaw Windsow + +x3 Entew CAIUS and WUGBY + +CAIUS. Jack Wugby! +WUGBY. Siw? +CAIUS. Vat is de cwock, Jack? +WUGBY. 'Tis past the houw, siw, that Siw H-Hugh pwomis'd to +meet. +CAIUS. By gaw, he has save his souw dat he i-is nyo come; OwO he has +pway his Pibwe weww dat he is nyo come; *sighs* by gaw, Jack Wugby, +*sweats* he i-is dead awweady, if he be come. +WUGBY. He is w-wise, siw; he knyew youw w-wowship wouwd kiww +him if he c-came. +CAIUS. B-By gaw, ^w^ de hewwing is nyo dead ;;w;; so as I viww k-kiww him. Take +youw *pokes you* wapiew, Jack; I x3 viww teww :3 you how I viww kiww him. +WUGBY. Awas, siw, I cannyot fence! +CAIUS. Viwwainy, take youw wapiew. +WUGBY. Fowbeaw; hewe's company. + +Entew HOST, SHAWWOW, x3 SWENDEW, and PAGE + +HOST. Bwess *twerks* thee, buwwy doctow! +S-SHAWWOW. Save you, Mastew Doctow Caius! +PAGE. Nyow, good :3 Mastew Doctow! +SWENDEW. Give *notices bulge* you good mowwow, *cuddles you* siw. +*sighs* CAIUS. Vat b-be a-aww x3 you, onye, two, twee, fouw, come fow? +H-HOST. To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to *moans* see thee twavewse; +to see t-thee *looks at you* hewe, t-to see thee thewe; to see thee pass thy +punto, thy stock, thy wevewse, thy *looks away* distance, thy montant. +Is :3 he dead, my Ethiopian? Is he dead, my Fwancisco? Ha, +*teleports behind you* buwwy! What says m-my A-Aescuwapius? my Gawen? my heawt +of ewdew? >_< Ha! is he dead, buwwy s-stawe? Is >_> he dead? +C-CAIUS. By gaw, he >_< is x3 de c-cowawd Jack pwiest of *twerks* de wowwd; he *teleports behind you* is +nyot show his :3 face. +HOST. Thou awt a Castawion-King-Uwinyaw. *looks at you* Hectow o-of Gweece, +my x3 boy! +CAIUS. *shuffles closer* I p-pway y-you, beaw witnyess that me have stay six o-ow +seven, two twee houws fow him, and h-he is nyo come. +SHAWWOW. He i-is the >_< wisew man, Mastew D-Doctow: he is a c-cuwew +o-of souws, and y-you *cuddles you* a cuwew of bodies; if you shouwd fight, +UwU you g-go against t-the haiw of youw pwofessions. Is it >_> nyot >w< twue, +Mastew Page? +PAGE. Mastew Shawwow, you have youwsewf been a-a gweat fightew, +though n-nyow a man of peace. +SHAWWOW. Bodykins, Mastew Page, though I nyow be o-owd, a-and +of the peace, i-if I see a swowd out, >w< my fingew itches to make +*shuffles closer* onye. Though w-we awe justices, and doctows, and ^-^ chuwchmen, +Mastew Page, we h-have s-some sawt of >_< ouw youth *twerks* in us; we awe +the *giggles shyly* sons of women, Mastew Page. +PAGE. 'Tis :33 twue, Mastew *cries* Shawwow. +SHAWWOW. It wiww :33 be *giggles shyly* found so, M-Mastew Page. Mastew D-Doctow +:3 CAIUS, I *screams* come to fetch >_> you home. I am swown of the peace; +you have show'd youwsewf a *hugs tightly* wise >_> physician, and Siw Hugh +h-hath shown himsewf a *pokes you* wise uWu and patient chuwchman. You +*sweats* must go *shuffles closer* with me, Mastew *screams* Doctow. +HOST. Pawdon, Guest Justice. A wowd, Mounseuw Mockwatew. +CAIUS. Mock-vatew! Vat is dat? +HOST. Mockwatew, *sighs* in ouw Engwish tongue, is vawouw, buwwy. +CAIUS. ^-^ By gaw, *looks away* then I have as much mockvatew as de Engwishman. +Scuwvy jack-dog pwiest! By gaw, me viww cut his eaws. +HOST. H-He wiww >_< cwappew-cwaw thee tightwy, buwwy. +CAIUS. C-Cwappew-de-cwaw! Vat *pokes you* is d-dat? +HOST. That is, he wiww make thee a-amends. +CAIUS. By g-gaw, m-me do wook he shaww c-cwappew-de-cwaw me; fow, +by gaw, m-me viww have it. +^-^ HOST. And I wiww OwO pwovoke him to't, ow *looks away* wet him wag. +C-CAIUS. Me tank y-you fow dat. +HOST. And, moweovew, buwwy-but fiwst: [Aside to the othews] +Mastew Guest, and Mastew Page, and e-eke Cavaweiwo Swendew, +go you *blushes* thwough the town to Fwogmowe. +*leans over* PAGE. [Aside] Siw Hugh is thewe, is he? +HOST. [Aside] *moans* He i-is thewe. *looks away* See what humouw he is in; and +I wiww bwing the doctow about by the fiewds. W-Wiww it do weww? +SHAWWOW. [Aside] We wiww d-do *cuddles you* it. +PAGE, SHAWWOW, and SWENDEW. Adieu, good Mastew Doctow. +Exeunt PAGE, SHAWWOW, a-and S-SWENDEW +CAIUS. By gaw, me viww kiww de pwiest; fow he speak fow a jack- +an-ape to Annye Page. +HOST. Wet him die. Sheathe *giggles shyly* thy impatience; thwow cowd watew +on thy chowew; go about the *cuddles you* fiewds with *moans* me thwough Fwogmowe; +I-I *looks away* wiww bwing thee whewe >_> Mistwess *moans* Annye Page is, at a a +fawm-house, a-feasting; and thou s-shawt woo hew. Cwied +game! Said I weww? +CAIUS. By g-gaw, me dank you vow x3 dat; by *notices bulge* gaw, I w-wove *teleports behind you* you; and +I shaww pwocuwe-a you ^.^ de good guest, de eaww, de knyight, de +wowds, de gentwemen, my patients. +*cuddles you* HOST. Fow the *blushes* which I wiww be thy advewsawy :3 towawd Annye +Page. Said I weww? +CAIUS. By >_> gaw, 'tis good; *notices bulge* veww said. +HOST. Wet us wag, *pokes you* then. +CAIUS. Come a-at my heews, Jack uWu Wugby. Exeunt + + + + +*cries* <> + + + +ACT III SCENyE 1. + +A fiewd nyeaw >_> Fwogmowe + +Entew SIW HUGH EVANS and SIMPWE + +EVANS. I *sweats* pway you nyow, g-good Mastew Swendew's UwU sewving-man, +uWu and fwiend Simpwe by *cries* youw n-nyame, *moans* which *cuddles you* way have you +wook'd fow M-Mastew ^-^ Caius, that cawws himsewf Doctow of +Physic? +SIMPWE. Mawwy, siw, the pittie-wawd, the pawk-wawd; *blushes* evewy +way; owd Windsow way, and evewy way *hugs tightly* but t-the town way. +EVANS. ^.^ I most fehementwy desiwe you you w-wiww awso wook x3 that +*leans over* way. +SIMPWE. ^-^ I wiww, Siw. Exit +E-EVANS. P-Pwess *notices bulge* my souw, how f-fuww of ;;w;; chowwows I am, a-and twempwing +*teleports behind you* of mind! *shuffles closer* I shaww be gwad i-if he have deceived me. H-How +*pokes you* mewanchowies *sweats* I am! I wiww k-knyog his uwinyaws about his knyave's +c-costawd *pokes you* when I have *teleports behind you* goot oppowtunyities fow the owk. P-Pwess +my souw! [Sings] +>_< To ^-^ shawwow wivews, to whose *screams* fawws +Mewodious biwds sings madwigaws; +*pokes you* Thewe wiww *twerks* we make ouw peds of woses, +And a thousand fwagwant posies. +To shawwow- +Mewcy on me! I have a gweat UwU dispositions to cwy. ^-^ [Sings] +Mewodious biwds s-sing madwigaws- +Whenyas I sat in Pabywon- +And >_< a t-thousand vagwam posies. +To shawwow, etc. + +*shuffles closer* We-entew SIMPWE + +SIMPWE. Yondew h-he is, coming this way, Siw Hugh. +EVANS. He's *giggles shyly* wewcome. [Sings] +To s-shawwow wivews, to whose fawws- +Heaven OwO pwospew x3 the wight! *sweats* What weapons i-is he? +SIMPWE. Nyo weapons, siw. *sighs* Thewe comes my mastew, Mastew +Shawwow, *teleports behind you* and anyothew gentweman, fwom F-Fwogmowe, ovew t-the +stiwe, this way. +EVANS. Pway y-you give me my gown; ow ewse keep it x3 in youw +*sweats* awms. [Takes out a b-book] + +Entew PAGE, S-SHAWWOW, and SWENDEW + +SHAWWOW. How nyow, Mastew Pawson! Good mowwow, uWu good +Siw Hugh. Keep a gamestew *moans* fwom the dice, and *blushes* a good student +f-fwom his *hugs tightly* book, and it is wondewfuw. +:3 SWENDEW. *cries* [Aside] Ah, s-sweet Annye Page! +PAGE. Save you, g-good Siw Hugh! +EVANS. Pwess you fwom his mewcy sake, aww of you! +SHAWWOW. What, the swowd and the wowd! Do you *giggles shyly* study +them both, Mastew Pawson? +PAGE. And youthfuw stiww, in youw d-doubwet and hose, this w-waw +wheumatic day! +EVANS. Thewe ^.^ is weasons and *giggles shyly* causes fow it. +PAGE. *shuffles closer* We awe come to *notices bulge* you to *looks at you* do a good *sighs* office, Mastew +Pawson. +xDD EVANS. Fewy weww; what is it? +PAGE. Yondew is a most wevewend gentweman, who, bewike having +weceived wwong b-by some pewson, *cuddles you* is at most odds with +his own *sighs* gwavity and patience that evew you saw. +SHAWWOW. I have wived fouwscowe yeaws and upwawd; I nyevew +heawd *giggles shyly* a man of his pwace, gwavity, and weawnying, so *sighs* wide of +his own uWu wespect. +:33 EVANS. What is he? +*blushes* PAGE. I think you *moans* knyow ^w^ him: Mastew Doctow Caius, ^-^ the +wenyownyed Fwench physician. +EVANS. Got's wiww and his p-passion of my heawt! I had a-as wief +you wouwd teww *twerks* me o-of a mess of powwidge. +:3 PAGE. W-Why? +*cries* EVANS. He has n-nyo mowe knyowwedge in Hibocwates and +Gawen, uWu and he is a knyave b-besides-a *pokes you* cowawdwy knyave as you +wouwd desiwes to be acquainted withaw. +PAGE. I wawwant you, ^-^ he's the man shouwd fight *pokes you* with *moans* him. +SWENDEW. [Aside] O sweet A-Annye *leans over* Page! +SHAWWOW. It appeaws so, by his weapons. *looks at you* Keep them OwO asundew; +hewe comes :33 Doctow Caius. + +*twerks* Entew HOST, CAIUS, and WUGBY + +*moans* PAGE. Nyay, good Mastew Pawson, keep in youw weapon. +SHAWWOW. So do you, g-good Mastew Doctow. +:33 HOST. *moans* Disawm them, and wet OwO them q-question; wet them keep +theiw wimbs whowe *notices bulge* and hack ouw *teleports behind you* Engwish. +CAIUS. I pway you, wet-a me speak a wowd with youw eaw. +V-Vewefowe wiww you nyot meet-a me? +E-EVANS. [Aside to CAIUS] ^w^ Pway you use youw patience; in +good time. +CAIUS. B-By :3 gaw, y-you awe de cowawd, UwU de J-Jack dog, John ape. +EVANS. *looks at you* [Aside to CAIUS] Pway you, wet us n-nyot b-be +waughing-stocks t-to othew men's humouws; I d-desiwe y-you in +*blushes* fwiendship, and I wiww o-onye w-way *looks at you* ow othew make you amends. +[Awoud] I wiww knyog *hugs tightly* youw :3 uwinyaws *teleports behind you* about *screams* youw knyave's cogscomb +f-fow missing youw meetings and appointments. +CAIUS. Diabwe! :33 Jack Wugby-minye Host *teleports behind you* de Jawteew-have I +n-nyot *shuffles closer* stay >_< fow him to kiww >_> him? H-Have I n-nyot, at de pwace I did +appoint? +E-EVANS. As I a-am a Chwistians souw, nyow, wook you, this is the +pwace appointed. I'ww be judgment by *looks at you* minye host of the +G-Gawtew. +HOST. Peace, I s-say, G-Gawwia and G-Gauw, Fwench and Wewsh, +souw-cuwew and body-cuwew. +CAIUS. Ay, dat i-is *moans* vewy good! excewwent! +HOST. *moans* Peace, I ;;w;; say. Heaw minye host of the Gawtew. Am *shuffles closer* I +powitic? am I s-subtwe? am I a Machiavew? S-Shaww I-I w-wose my +doctow? Nyo; he gives me x3 the potions and the motions. Shaww I-I +wose my pawson, my p-pwiest, my Siw Hugh? Nyo; he gives me +the pwovewbs a-and the n-nyovewbs. Give me t-thy hand, tewwestwiaw; +*blushes* so. Give me thy hand, cewestiaw; so. Boys *sighs* of awt, I have +deceiv'd you both; I-I have diwected y-you to w-wwong pwaces; +youw heawts awe mighty, youw skins awe whowe, a-and wet buwnt +sack be the i-issue. C-Come, way theiw swowds to pawn. Fowwow +me, w-wads of peace; fowwow, *blushes* fowwow, fowwow. +SHAWWOW. Twust *blushes* me, a-a *looks away* mad h-host. Fowwow, gentwemen, *blushes* fowwow. +^-^ SWENDEW. [Aside] O-O sweet :33 Annye Page! +Exeunt *leans over* aww but CAIUS a-and EVANS +*pokes you* CAIUS. H-Ha, do I p-pewceive dat? Have you make-a ;;w;; de sot of us, +ha, ha? +>w< EVANS. T-This is weww; he has made us his ;;w;; vwouting-stog. I-I +:3 desiwe you >w< that we may be fwiends; and wet us knyog ouw p-pwains +togethew ^-^ to be wevenge on this same scaww, scuwvy, cogging +c-companyion, the host o-of the G-Gawtew. +CAIUS. By gaw, with aww :33 my ^-^ heawt. He pwomise t-to *cries* bwing me +whewe is Annye Page; b-by *looks at you* gaw, he deceive me too. +EVANS. Weww, I wiww *looks at you* smite his nyoddwes. Pway you f-fowwow. +*sweats* Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +S-SCENyE 2. + +The x3 stweet in Windsow + +Entew *cries* MISTWESS PAGE and *moans* WOBIN + +M-MWS. P-PAGE. N-Nyay, keep youw way, wittwe gawwant; you wewe +wont to b-be a f-fowwowew, but nyow OwO you a-awe a weadew. Whethew +h-had you w-wathew wead minye eyes, o-ow eye youw mastew's heews? +WOBIN. I-I had wathew, fowsooth, go befowe you wike a-a man than +fowwow him wike a dwawf. +MWS. P-PAGE. O, you awe a fwattewing boy; nyow I see you'ww *teleports behind you* be a +*giggles shyly* couwtiew. + +Entew FOWD + +:3 FOWD. Weww met, M-Mistwess Page. Whithew go you? +M-MWS. PAGE. Twuwy, s-siw, to >w< see youw wife. Is she at home? +FOWD. *blushes* Ay; and *sweats* as i-idwe *teleports behind you* as she may hang t-togethew, f-fow want of +*cries* company. I think, if youw husbands wewe dead, you two +*screams* wouwd mawwy. +MWS. PAGE. Be s-suwe of that-two othew husbands. +FOWD. W-Whewe had you this *moans* pwetty weathewcock? +MWS. PAGE. >_< I cannyot teww *blushes* what *shuffles closer* the dickens his nyame is my +husband ^-^ had him of. What d-do y-you c-caww youw knyight's +nyame, s-siwwah? +WOBIN. Siw John Fawstaff. +FOWD. Siw John Fawstaff! +MWS. P-PAGE. He, h-he; I can nyevew hit on's nyame. Thewe is such +a weague b-between my good man and he! Is youw wife a-at +*looks at you* home *giggles shyly* indeed? +FOWD. Indeed she is. +M-MWS. PAGE. By youw weave, s-siw. I am sick tiww I see *looks away* hew. +Exeunt MWS. PAGE and WOBIN +FOWD. Has Page a-any bwains? Hath he any eyes? Hath he *cuddles you* any +t-thinking? Suwe, *screams* they sweep; *blushes* he hath nyo use o-of them. Why, +this boy w-wiww *shuffles closer* cawwy a wettew twenty miwe as easy as a cannyon +>_< wiww shoot pointbwank twewve scowe. *pokes you* He pieces out *teleports behind you* his wife's +incwinyation; he *cries* gives ^-^ hew fowwy motion and advantage; and +nyow she's going t-to my *cries* wife, and Fawstaff's boy with hew. A +man may heaw this show'w sing *notices bulge* in the wind. And F-Fawstaff's +boy with hew! G-Good *giggles shyly* pwots! They :3 awe waid; and ouw wevowted +wives shawe damnyation togethew. Weww; I wiww take him, +then *sighs* towtuwe my wife, pwuck the bowwowed veiw of OwO modesty +fwom the so seeming Mistwess Page, divuwge Page himsewf +fow a secuwe and wiwfuw A-Actaeon; *giggles shyly* and to these viowent pwoceedings +aww my nyeighbouws shaww cwy aim. [-[Cwock stwikes] +The cwock gives me >_< my cue, >w< and my assuwance bids me +seawch; thewe I shaww find Fawstaff. I-I shaww be wathew pwais'd +fow this than mock'd; fow it is *teleports behind you* as positive as the eawth is fiwm +that Fawstaff is thewe. I wiww go. + +Entew P-PAGE, SHAWWOW, S-SWENDEW, HOST, SIW HUGH EVANS, +CAIUS, uWu and WUGBY + +SHAWWOW, *sighs* PAGE, &C. Weww met, *teleports behind you* Mastew Fowd. +FOWD. T-Twust me, a good knyot; I have good cheew at home, +and I-I *screams* pway you aww go with me. +SHAWWOW. I must excuse mysewf, Mastew Fowd. +SWENDEW. A-And so *moans* must I, siw; we *screams* have appointed to dinye with +Mistwess A-Annye, and I wouwd nyot b-bweak with hew fow mowe +monyey than I'ww speak *sighs* of. +SHAWWOW. W-We have *moans* wingew'd about a match between Annye +Page and my cousin Swendew, and this day *moans* we shaww h-have +ouw answew. +SWENDEW. I h-hope I have y-youw good wiww, :33 fathew P-Page. +PAGE. Y-You have, Mastew Swendew; :3 I s-stand >_< whowwy fow you. But +my wife, Mastew Doctow, i-is ^.^ fow you awtogethew. +CAIUS. Ay, be-gaw; a-and de maid is OwO wove-a OwO me; *sighs* my nyuwsh-a +Quickwy t-teww me so mush. +H-HOST. What s-say you t-to young Mastew Fenton? *hugs tightly* He c-capews, +he dances, h-he has eyes of youth, he wwites vewses, he *sweats* speaks +h-howiday, he smewws Apwiw and May; he *teleports behind you* wiww cawwy 't, he wiww +cawwy *leans over* 't; 'tis in his buttons; he wiww cawwy 't. +PAGE. Nyot b-by my consent, I pwomise >_< you. The gentweman is +of nyo having: he kept company with the wiwd Pwince and +Poins; he is of too high ;;w;; a wegion, he knyows too much. Nyo, +h-he shaww nyot knyit a knyot ^.^ in h-his f-fowtunyes with the *shuffles closer* fingew of +my substance; if he *sweats* take hew, wet him take hew simpwy; t-the +weawth I have waits on ;;w;; my consent, and my *hugs tightly* consent goes +nyot *hugs tightly* that way. +FOWD. I-I *blushes* beseech *shuffles closer* you, heawtiwy, some of you *teleports behind you* go home *notices bulge* with m-me +t-to dinnyew: besides y-youw cheew, you shaww h-have spowt; I wiww +show you a monstew. Mastew uWu Doctow, y-you *cries* shaww g-go; *cuddles you* so shaww +you, Mastew P-Page; and you, Siw Hugh. +SHAWWOW. Weww, fawe you weww; *notices bulge* we shaww have the fweew +wooing at Mastew Page's. Exeunt SHAWWOW and SWENDEW +CAIUS. Go home, John Wugby; I come a-anyon. Exit *shuffles closer* WUGBY +HOST. Faweweww, my heawts; I wiww to *leans over* my honyest knyight +Fawstaff, and dwink canyawy with him. Exit HOST +*looks away* FOWD. [Aside] I think I shaww dwink in pipe-winye fiwst with +him. I'ww make h-him dance. Wiww you go, g-gentwes? +^-^ AWW. Have with you :3 to see this m-monstew. Exeunt + + + + +<-<> + + + +SCENyE 3. + +FOWD'S house + +*looks away* Entew MISTWESS FOWD a-and MISTWESS PAGE + +MWS. FOWD. What, John! what, Wobewt! +uWu MWS. PAGE. *teleports behind you* Quickwy, q-quickwy! Is the buck-basket- +MWS. FOWD. :3 I wawwant. What, W-Wobin, I say! + +Entew SEWVANTS with a basket + +MWS. PAGE. Come, come, come. +*looks away* MWS. FOWD. Hewe, set *sighs* it down. +M-MWS. PAGE. Give youw men the chawge; we :3 must be bwief. +MWS. FOWD. Mawwy, as I towd *cuddles you* you b-befowe, John and Wobewt, be +weady hewe hawd by in the b-bwew-house; and when I suddenwy +caww you, come fowth, and, without any pause ^.^ ow +staggewing, take this basket uWu on youw s-shouwdews. That donye, +*moans* twudge with it in aww haste, a-and cawwy it among the w-whitstews +uWu in Datchet Mead, a-and thewe empty it *leans over* in the muddy ditch +c-cwose b-by t-the Thames side. +Mws. PAGE. You wiww do it? +MWS. F-FOWD. I *pokes you* ha' towd t-them ovew and ovew; they wack nyo +diwection. Be g-gonye, and come when you awe caww'd. +Exeunt SEWVANTS +MWS. PAGE. Hewe *screams* comes wittwe Wobin. + +E-Entew WOBIN + +MWS. FOWD. How nyow, my eyas-musket, what n-nyews with +you? +WOBIN. My *shuffles closer* Mastew Siw John is come in at youw back-doow, +Mistwess Fowd, and w-wequests youw company. +MWS. PAGE. You w-wittwe Jack-a-Went, have you been twue t-to us? +WOBIN. Ay, I'ww be swown. My mastew uWu knyows nyot of youw +being hewe, and hath thweat'nyed t-to put me into evewwasting +wibewty, if I teww you uWu of it; fow he sweaws he'ww tuwn me away. +*blushes* MWS. PAGE. T-Thou 'wt a good boy; *hugs tightly* this secwecy *pokes you* of thinye shaww +be a taiwow to >_< thee, and shaww m-make thee a nyew *hugs tightly* doubwet and +hose. *notices bulge* I'ww *moans* go hide me. +M-MWS. FOWD. Do *looks away* so. Go *shuffles closer* teww thy mastew *blushes* I *cuddles you* am awonye. [Exit +WOBIN] :3 Mistwess Page, wemembew y-you youw cue. +*teleports behind you* MWS. PAGE. I wawwant thee; if I do nyot act it, hiss me. +Exit MWS. PAGE +MWS. FOWD. *shuffles closer* Go to, then; we'ww use OwO this unwhowesome +humidity, this g-gwoss wat'wy pumpion; we'ww teach him *looks away* to +k-knyow tuwtwes f-fwom jays. + +Entew FAWSTAFF + +FAWSTAFF. Have I c-caught thee, my heavenwy xDD jewew? +Why, UwU nyow ^.^ wet me die, fow I have wiv'd w-wong enyough; this is +the *shuffles closer* pewiod of my ambition. O this *sighs* bwessed houw! +^w^ MWS. FOWD. O-O sweet Siw :3 John! +F-FAWSTAFF. Mistwess Fowd, I-I cannyot *leans over* cog, I cannyot pwate, +*giggles shyly* Mistwess Fowd. Nyow shaww I sin ^w^ in my wish; *hugs tightly* I wouwd *looks away* thy +husband wewe dead; I'ww speak it befowe the best wowd, xDD I +wouwd m-make thee my *giggles shyly* wady. +MWS. FOWD. I y-youw wady, *sweats* Siw *giggles shyly* John? Awas, I shouwd *twerks* be a p-pitifuw +wady. +xDD FAWSTAFF. Wet the couwt of Fwance show me such anyothew. I +*screams* see how thinye eye wouwd emuwate the diamond; thou hast +the wight awched beauty of the ;;w;; bwow that becomes the +ship-tiwe, the tiwe-vawiant, ow :33 any tiwe of Venyetian admittance. +MWS. FOWD. A >w< pwain kewchief, Siw J-John; *giggles shyly* my bwows become +*leans over* nyothing ewse, nyow that weww nyeithew. +F-FAWSTAFF. By the Wowd, thou awt a tywant ;;w;; to say s-so; thou +wouwdst *twerks* make :3 an absowute couwtiew, and the fiwm fixtuwe *sweats* of +thy foot wouwd give an e-excewwent motion to thy gait ;;w;; in a +semi-ciwcwed fawthingawe. I see what thou wewt, if Fowtunye +t-thy *twerks* foe wewe, nyot Nyatuwe, thy fwiend. >_< Come, :33 thou canst nyot +hide it. +MWS. FOWD. Bewieve me, :33 thewe's nyo such thing i-in me. +*teleports behind you* FAWSTAFF. What made me wove UwU thee? Wet that pewsuade thee +thewe's something extwa-owdinyawy in thee. Come, I cannyot +c-cog, a-and *shuffles closer* say thou awt this and that, wike a-a many of these +wisping hawthown-buds *hugs tightly* that come wike women i-in m-men's +appawew, a-and smeww wike Buckwewsbuwy in s-simpwe time; I +>_> cannyot; but I-I wove thee, nyonye but thee; and x3 thou desewv'st it. +MWS. FOWD. *looks away* Do *sighs* nyot betway me, siw; I feaw *hugs tightly* you ^-^ wove Mistwess +Page. +F-FAWSTAFF. Thou m-mightst as weww say I wove to wawk >_< by ^w^ the +Countew-gate, w-which is as *teleports behind you* hatefuw to *moans* me as the week of a +wime-kiwn. +MWS. F-FOWD. Weww, heaven knyows how I-I w-wove you; and you +shaww onye day find it. +FAWSTAFF. K-Keep in that m-mind; I'ww desewve it. +*looks at you* MWS. FOWD. Nyay, I *giggles shyly* must teww you, so you d-do; ^.^ ow ewse *sighs* I couwd +nyot be in that mind. +WOBIN. [Within] Mistwess Fowd, Mistwess Fowd! hewe's +Mistwess Page at the d-doow, sweating a-and bwowing and wooking +*shuffles closer* wiwdwy, *hugs tightly* and wouwd nyeeds uWu speak *shuffles closer* with *looks at you* you pwesentwy. +FAWSTAFF. She shaww nyot see me; I wiww *cuddles you* ensconce m-me behind +the awwas. +M-MWS. *teleports behind you* FOWD. Pway you, do so; she's a-a vewy tattwing woman. +[FAWSTAFF OwO hides himsewf] + +We-entew MISTWESS PAGE and WOBIN + +What's the mattew? How OwO nyow! +MWS. PAGE. *screams* O Mistwess Fowd, what have y-you donye? You'we +sham'd, *blushes* y'awe ovewthwown, y'awe u-undonye fow e-evew. +MWS. FOWD. What's the mattew, good Mistwess Page? +MWS. PAGE. O weww-a-day, Mistwess Fowd, having an honyest +man to youw husband, to g-give him such cause of suspicion! +:33 MWS. FOWD. :33 What cause ^-^ of suspicion? +MWS. PAGE. What cause *looks away* of >_> suspicion? O-Out upon you, h-how +*moans* am :3 I mistook i-in you! +MWS. F-FOWD. Why, awas, what's the mattew? +MWS. PAGE. Youw husband's coming hithew, woman, *teleports behind you* with ;;w;; aww +the officews in Windsow, to seawch fow a gentweman that *teleports behind you* he +says is hewe n-nyow in the UwU house, by *notices bulge* youw consent, to UwU take an +OwO iww advantage of his absence. You awe undonye. +MWS. FOWD. 'Tis nyot *notices bulge* so, I-I hope. +MWS. PAGE. Pway heaven it be ^w^ nyot s-so that you have such a +man ;;w;; hewe; but 'tis m-most cewtain youw husband's coming, +with hawf Windsow at his heews, to *looks at you* seawch fow *blushes* such a o-onye. I +come befowe to teww you. If you knyow youwsewf cweaw, why, +I UwU am gwad of it; but i-if y-you have a fwiend hewe, convey, +>w< convey him o-out. Be nyot amaz'd; caww aww youw s-senses to you; +defend youw w-weputation, ow bid faweweww to youw good wife +fow evew. +MWS. :3 FOWD. What shaww I do? Thewe i-is *hugs tightly* a UwU gentweman, my deaw +xDD fwiend; and I-I feaw nyot minye *teleports behind you* own shame as much *moans* as his pewiw. +I had wathew *blushes* than *moans* a thousand pound >_< he wewe out of the +house. +MWS. PAGE. Fow shame, nyevew stand 'you had w-wathew' and 'you +had wathew'! Youw husband's h-hewe at hand; *teleports behind you* bethink you OwO of +some conveyance; in ;;w;; the house you cannyot hide him. O, +how have you deceiv'd :3 me! Wook, uWu hewe is a basket; if he be +o-of any w-weasonyabwe statuwe, *twerks* he may cweep in h-hewe; and thwow +fouw winyen upon him, *pokes you* as if it *hugs tightly* wewe going to bucking, o-ow-it is +whiting-time-send him OwO by youw two men t-to Datchet +Mead. +*giggles shyly* MWS. FOWD. *hugs tightly* He's too big to *looks away* go in thewe. What shaww I do? +F-FAWSTAFF. [Coming fowwawd] Wet me see 't, *cries* wet me see 't. O-O, +wet me *cuddles you* see 't! I'ww in, I'ww in; fowwow youw fwiend's counsew; +I-I'ww in. +MWS. PAGE. What, Siw John Fawstaff! [Aside to FAWSTAFF] +Awe these youw wettews, knyight? +FAWSTAFF. [Aside to MWS. PAGE] *moans* I wove thee a-and nyonye but +thee; hewp me away.-Wet me cweep in *screams* hewe; I'ww nyevew- +[Gets into *sighs* the basket; they covew him *notices bulge* with f-fouw *looks at you* winyen] +MWS. *moans* PAGE. Hewp to covew youw mastew, boy. *cuddles you* Caww youw *teleports behind you* men, +Mistwess Fowd. You dissembwing knyight! +M-MWS. ^w^ FOWD. What, John! Wobewt! John! Exit WOBIN + +We-entew SEWVANTS + +Go, >w< take up t-these cwothes *cries* hewe, quickwy; *hugs tightly* whewe's >_> the +*twerks* coww-staff? Wook how *giggles shyly* you d-dwumbwe. Cawwy them t-to the waundwess +in Datchet Mead; ^-^ quickwy, come. + +Entew FOWD, P-PAGE, CAIUS, and SIW H-HUGH EVANS + +FOWD. P-Pway you c-come nyeaw. If ^w^ I suspect without cause, w-why +then make spowt at me, then wet me be youw jest; I desewve +it. How nyow, whithew ^.^ beaw y-you this? +SEWVANT. To the waundwess, fowsooth. +MWS. FOWD. Why, what have y-you t-to do *sighs* whithew they beaw ;;w;; it? +You wewe b-best meddwe with buck-washing. +FOWD. Buck? I wouwd I-I *pokes you* couwd wash mysewf of the buck! +B-Buck, buck, buck! ay, xDD buck! I wawwant you, buck; a-and of +the season too, i-it shaww appeaw. [-[Exeunt *giggles shyly* SEWVANTS with +basket] Gentwemen, I *pokes you* have dweam'd t-to-nyight; I'ww *shuffles closer* teww you my +d-dweam. Hewe, hewe, hewe be m-my keys; *looks away* ascend m-my ^-^ chambews, +*moans* seawch, s-seek, find out. I'ww wawwant we'ww unkennyew the fox. +W-Wet me s-stop this way fiwst. [Wocking OwO the doow] So, nyow +uncape. +*notices bulge* PAGE. Good Mastew *teleports behind you* Fowd, be *shuffles closer* contented; you wwong youwsewf +too much. +FOWD. Twue, :33 Mastew Page. Up, gentwemen, OwO you shaww see spowt +anyon; fowwow me, g-gentwemen. E-Exit +EVANS. This is fewy fantasticaw humouws and jeawousies. +CAIUS. By gaw, 'tis nyo t-the fashion >w< of Fwance; it ^-^ is nyot jeawous +in Fwance. +PAGE. Nyay, fowwow him, g-gentwemen; see the issue xDD of OwO his +s-seawch. Exeunt EVANS, P-PAGE, and CAIUS +MWS. P-PAGE. Is thewe nyot a doubwe excewwency in this? +:33 MWS. F-FOWD. I knyow nyot which pweases me b-bettew, that my +*blushes* husband is deceived, o-ow Siw John. +*cuddles you* MWS. PAGE. W-What a taking was he in x3 when youw husband +ask'd who was in *pokes you* the basket! +>_< MWS. FOWD. ^-^ I >w< am hawf afwaid h-he wiww *blushes* have nyeed of OwO washing; so +thwowing him into *cries* the watew wiww d-do h-him a b-benyefit. +MWS. *cuddles you* PAGE. Hang him, dishonyest wascaw! I wouwd aww of the +s-same *giggles shyly* stwain ^.^ wewe in the *hugs tightly* same distwess. +MWS. FOWD. I think my husband hath some speciaw suspicion +of Fawstaff's being hewe, f-fow I nyevew saw him so gwoss in his +j-jeawousy tiww nyow. +M-MWS. PAGE. I Wiww way a pwot >w< to t-twy that, and we wiww yet h-have +mowe twicks with *teleports behind you* Fawstaff. His d-dissowute disease wiww scawce +obey this *looks away* medicinye. +MWS. FOWD. S-Shaww we send that foowish cawwion, Mistwess +Quickwy, to him, and excuse his *giggles shyly* thwowing into the watew, +and give him anyothew hope, to *cuddles you* betway him to *sweats* anyothew +punyishment? +M-MWS. PAGE. We *sighs* wiww do it; wet him be sent fow to-mowwow +eight o'cwock, to have amends. + +We-entew ^-^ FOWD, P-PAGE, CAIUS, *giggles shyly* and *moans* SIW HUGH EVANS + +FOWD. I cannyot find him; may be the *pokes you* knyave bwagg'd of that +*shuffles closer* he x3 couwd nyot compass. +MWS. PAGE. [Aside to MWS. FOWD] Heawd you t-that? +MWS. FOWD. You use me *hugs tightly* weww, Mastew Fowd, *pokes you* do you? +FOWD. Ay, *hugs tightly* I do so. +MWS. FOWD. Heaven make you bettew ;;w;; than youw t-thoughts! +FOWD. Amen. +MWS. PAGE. You do youwsewf mighty wwong, Mastew *screams* Fowd. +FOWD. Ay, ay; I must beaw it. +EVANS. If t-thewe be a-any *blushes* pody in OwO the *screams* house, and in the +chambews, and in t-the coffews, and in the pwesses, heaven fowgive +my sins at the day of j-judgment! +CAIUS. Be gaw, nyow I too; *sweats* thewe i-is nyo bodies. +PAGE. Fie, fie, Mastew Fowd, awe *sweats* you nyot asham'd? What +spiwit, w-what deviw suggests this imaginyation? I wouwd nyot ha' +youw *teleports behind you* distempew in this *sweats* kind fow the w-weawth of Windsow +C-Castwe. +FOWD. *cuddles you* 'Tis my fauwt, Mastew Page; I suffew fow it. +E-EVANS. Y-You suffew f-fow a pad conscience. Youw wife is UwU as +honyest a-a omans as I :33 wiww desiwes among five t-thousand, and x3 five +hundwed too. +*cuddles you* CAIUS. By *twerks* gaw, I see 'tis an h-honyest woman. +FOWD. Weww, I pwomis'd you a dinnyew. Come, come, wawk *notices bulge* in +the Pawk. I pway you pawdon me; I wiww heweaftew make +knyown to you *blushes* why I-I have donye this. Come, wife, come, +Mistwess P-Page; I pway you p-pawdon *shuffles closer* me; pway heawtwy, +pawdon me. +PAGE. Wet's :33 go in, gentwemen; but, twust me, we'ww mock him. +I do invite you to-mowwow mownying to my house to *sighs* bweakfast; +aftew, we'ww *leans over* a-biwding togethew; I have a finye hawk fow +the bush. Shaww it be s-so? +FOWD. Any thing. +EVANS. If thewe is onye, I shaww make *twerks* two in t-the company. +C-CAIUS. If t-thewe be *teleports behind you* onye ow two, I shaww make-a the tuwd. +FOWD. Pway you g-go, Mastew Page. +:3 EVANS. I pway y-you nyow, wemembwance to-mowwow on the +wousy knyave, *teleports behind you* minye host. +CAIUS. Dat is :33 good; by gaw, with a-aww my heawt. +EVANS. A w-wousy knyave, to have his gibes and h-his UwU mockewies! +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +Befowe PAGE'S *looks at you* house + +*shuffles closer* Entew FENTON and ;;w;; ANNyE PAGE + +FENTON. I see I UwU cannyot get thy fathew's wove; +Thewefowe nyo mowe tuwn me to him, s-sweet Nyan. +ANNyE. Awas, how then? +F-FENTON. Why, thou must be thysewf. +He doth o-object I am too gweat of biwth; +And that, my s-state being gaww'd with my expense, +I seek to uWu heaw i-it o-onwy by his weawth. +Besides *hugs tightly* these, othew baws he ways befowe me, +*leans over* My wiots past, my wiwd societies; +And t-tewws :3 me 'tis x3 a thing impossibwe +I-I *shuffles closer* shouwd w-wove thee *leans over* but as a pwopewty. +*sweats* ANNyE.. May be h-he tewws you twue. +FENTON. Nyo, heaven s-so speed me in *leans over* my time to come! +A-Awbeit ^.^ I wiww confess thy fathew's weawth +Was the fiwst motive that I w-woo'd t-thee, Annye; +Yet, wooing thee, I-I f-found thee o-of ;;w;; mowe v-vawue +Than stamps in gowd, ow sums in seawed bags; +And 'tis the vewy wiches of thysewf +T-That n-nyow I aim at. +ANNyE. Gentwe Mastew Fenton, +Yet seek my fathew's wove; stiww seek *moans* it, siw. +If oppowtunyity and humbwest suit +Cannyot attain it, why t-then-hawk you hithew. +[They convewse apawt] + +Entew SHAWWOW, SWENDEW, and MISTWESS QUICKWY + +SHAWWOW. *hugs tightly* Bweak theiw *leans over* tawk, Mistwess *blushes* Quickwy; my ^.^ kinsman +shaww s-speak fow x3 himsewf. +SWENDEW. I'ww make a shaft ow a bowt on 't; '-'swid, 'tis but +ventuwing. +S-SHAWWOW. Be nyot dismay'd. +SWENDEW. Nyo, she shaww nyot dismay me. I cawe nyot fow that, +but that I am afeawd. +QUICKWY. Hawk ye, ^.^ Mastew Swendew wouwd speak a wowd +with *looks away* you. +A-ANNyE. I come to him. [Aside] This is m-my fathew's choice. +O-O, what a wowwd of ^w^ viwe iww-favouw'd *hugs tightly* fauwts +Wooks handsome in *screams* thwee hundwed p-pounds a yeaw! +QUICKWY. And *sweats* how does good Mastew uWu Fenton? P-Pway you, UwU a +wowd with y-you. +SHAWWOW. She's coming; *giggles shyly* to hew, coz. O b-boy, thou h-hadst a-a +*moans* fathew! +SWENDEW. *notices bulge* I ^-^ had a *shuffles closer* fathew, Mistwess *shuffles closer* Annye; my u-uncwe *notices bulge* can teww +*sighs* you *hugs tightly* good jests of him. Pway you, uncwe, teww Mistwess Annye +the jest how *notices bulge* my fathew stowe t-two *cries* geese out o-of a pen, good +u-uncwe. +*notices bulge* SHAWWOW. Mistwess *notices bulge* Annye, my c-cousin woves you. +SWENDEW. Ay, that I *notices bulge* do; as weww as I w-wove any woman in +*looks at you* Gwoucestewshiwe. +SHAWWOW. H-He wiww maintain you wike a gentwewoman. +SWENDEW. Ay, that I wiww come cut and :33 wongtaiw, undew *looks away* the +degwee of a-a squiwe. +SHAWWOW. He w-wiww make you a h-hundwed and fifty pounds +jointuwe. +ANNyE. >w< Good Mastew Shawwow, wet him woo :33 fow himsewf. +SHAWWOW. Mawwy, xDD I x3 thank you fow it; I thank you fow that +good comfowt. S-She cawws you, coz; I'ww weave you. +ANNyE. Nyow, *cries* Mastew :33 Swendew- +SWENDEW. *blushes* Nyow, good Mistwess Annye- +ANNyE. What is youw wiww? +SWENDEW. M-My Wiww! 'Od's h-heawtwings, that's :3 a pwetty jest +indeed! I nye'ew made *blushes* my wiww y-yet, I t-thank heaven; I *screams* am nyot +*cuddles you* such a sickwy cweatuwe, I give heaven pwaise. +ANNyE. *moans* I mean, >_> Mastew Swendew, :3 what wouwd you w-with xDD me? +SWENDEW. *hugs tightly* Twuwy, fow m-minye o-own pawt I-I wouwd wittwe ow nyothing +with you. Y-Youw fathew and my u-uncwe hath made motions; +if it b-be my *teleports behind you* wuck, *giggles shyly* so; if nyot, h-happy man b-be his dowe! They +can teww you h-how things go bettew than I can. You m-may ^-^ ask +y-youw *cries* fathew; hewe uWu he comes. + +Entew PAGE and MISTWESS PAGE + +PAGE. Nyow, M-Mastew Swendew! Wove him, daughtew A-Annye- +Why, how n-nyow, what does Mastew Fenton hewe? +You wwong me, siw, ^-^ thus stiww to haunt my house. +I towd you, siw, my *hugs tightly* daughtew is dispos'd of. +*cuddles you* FENTON. N-Nyay, Mastew Page, be n-nyot impatient. +MWS. P-PAGE. Good Mastew Fenton, *sweats* come nyot to my chiwd. +PAGE. She *leans over* is nyo match fow y-you. +FENTON. Siw, wiww you heaw me? +PAGE. Nyo, *notices bulge* good Mastew Fenton. +Come, Mastew Shawwow; come, son Swendew; *looks at you* in. +Knyowing my mind, you wwong me, Mastew Fenton. +Exeunt PAGE, SHAWWOW, and SWENDEW +QUICKWY. Speak to Mistwess Page. +FENTON. Good Mistwess Page, fow that I wove y-youw daughtew +In such a ^-^ wighteous f-fashion as I-I do, +Pewfowce, against aww checks, uWu webukes, and mannyews, +I must advance the cowouws of *leans over* my w-wove, +*leans over* And n-nyot wetiwe. Wet me have youw good wiww. +ANNyE. Good mothew, do nyot mawwy me to *moans* yond foow. +MWS. P-PAGE. I mean it nyot; I seek you a-a bettew *leans over* husband. +QUICKWY. *looks away* That's my mastew, Mastew Doctow. +ANNyE. Awas, >w< I had wathew be set q-quick i' th' eawth. +And boww'd to death with tuwnyips. +MWS. PAGE. Come, twoubwe nyot *leans over* youwsewf. Good >_< Mastew +Fenton, +I wiww *cuddles you* nyot be youw fwiend, nyow enyemy; +*screams* My daughtew wiww :33 I *notices bulge* question how *sweats* she *shuffles closer* woves OwO you, +And as I find hew, s-so am I affected; +Tiww then, faweweww, siw; she must *blushes* nyeeds go in; +Hew f-fathew wiww be *screams* angwy. +FENTON. Faweweww, gentwe mistwess; faweweww, Nyan. +Exeunt MWS. PAGE and ANNyE +Q-QUICKWY. UwU This is x3 my doing *screams* nyow: 'Nyay,' said I 'wiww you c-cast +away youw chiwd xDD on a foow, and a physician? Wook on +Mastew Fenton.' T-This is my :33 doing. +FENTON. I-I thank thee; and I pway t-thee, once t-to-nyight +Give my sweet Nyan this wing. Thewe's fow ^.^ thy pains. +QUICKWY. Nyow Heaven send thee good f-fowtunye! [Exit +FENTON] OwO A kind heawt h-he hath; a woman wouwd wun thwough +fiwe and watew f-fow such a kind heawt. B-But yet I wouwd my +mastew had M-Mistwess Annye; ow I wouwd Mastew Swendew had +*teleports behind you* hew; ow, ^.^ in sooth, *looks at you* I wouwd Mastew Fenton had hew; I wiww +do what I can fow them aww *blushes* thwee, uWu fow so I have pwomis'd, +*screams* and I-I'ww be as good as my w-wowd; b-but s-speciouswy fow M-Mastew +Fenton. x3 Weww, I must of anyothew ewwand to Siw *screams* John Fawstaff +fwom my two mistwesses. What a beast *sweats* am I to swack it! +Exit + + + + +SCENyE 5. + +The Gawtew Inn + +Entew F-FAWSTAFF and BAWDOWPH + +FAWSTAFF. Bawdowph, I say! +BAWDOWPH. Hewe, s-siw. +FAWSTAFF. Go fetch me *looks at you* a quawt *cries* of sack; put a toast in 't. +;;w;; Exit BAWDOWPH +Have I wiv'd to be cawwied in a basket, >_< wike a *hugs tightly* bawwow of +butchew's *shuffles closer* offaw, and to be thwown in t-the Thames? Weww, if +I-I be sewv'd such anyothew twick, *looks at you* I'ww have m-my bwains ta'en out +and buttew'd, *cuddles you* and give *pokes you* them to *hugs tightly* a dog fow *looks away* a nyew-yeaw's gift. +The wogues s-swighted me into the wivew with as wittwe *pokes you* wemowse +as they wouwd have dwown'd ;;w;; a bwind bitch's ^-^ puppies, fifteen +i' th' wittew; and *cries* you >w< may knyow by my *shuffles closer* size t-that I have +>_< a kind o-of awacwity in sinking; if the bottom wewe *leans over* as deep as +heww I shouwd down. I h-had *looks away* been dwown'd but that the showe +was shewvy ^-^ and shawwow-a death *twerks* that I-I a-abhow; fow the watew +swewws a man; and what a thing shouwd I have been when +had been sweww'd! I shouwd have been a mountain of +mummy. + +W-We-entew BAWDOWPH, with *blushes* sack + +BAWDOWPH. Hewe's Mistwess ^-^ Quickwy, siw, to speak with you +FAWSTAFF. Come, wet >w< me pouw in *moans* some sack to the Thames +watew; fow my bewwy's as cowd as if I had swawwow'd +snyowbawws f-fow piwws to coow the weins. Caww hew i-in. +BAWDOWPH. Come in, woman. + +Entew MISTWESS QUICKWY + +QUICKWY. By youw ^.^ weave; I cwy you mewcy. Give youw +wowship good m-mowwow. +>w< FAWSTAFF. *sighs* Take *looks away* away t-these chawices. Go, bwew me a pottwe +of sack finyewy. +BAWDOWPH. With eggs, siw? +FAWSTAFF. Simpwe of itsewf; I'ww nyo puwwet-spewm i-in my +bwewage. [Exit BAWDOWPH] How *screams* nyow! +QUICKWY. Mawwy, siw, I-I c-come to youw wowship fwom M-Mistwess +Fowd. +*looks at you* FAWSTAFF. Mistwess Fowd! I have had fowd enyough; I was +thwown into UwU the fowd; I :33 have my b-bewwy f-fuww of fowd. +QUICKWY. Awas the x3 day, good heawt, that was *shuffles closer* nyot hew fauwt! +She d-does so take >w< on with hew *giggles shyly* men; they mistook theiw +ewection. +FAWSTAFF. S-So did I minye, to buiwd upon a foowish woman's +pwomise. +QUICKWY. Weww, she waments, s-siw, fow i-it, that ^w^ it wouwd y-yeawn +youw ^-^ heawt ^-^ to see it. UwU Hew husband goes t-this mownying +a-biwding; she desiwes you once m-mowe to come to hew between +eight and nyinye; I must ^w^ cawwy OwO hew wowd quickwy. xDD She'ww make +>_< you amends, I wawwant you. +FAWSTAFF. W-Weww, I Wiww visit hew. Teww hew :33 so; and bid hew +think what a man is. Wet hew >w< considew his fwaiwty, and then +j-judge of my mewit. +QUICKWY. I wiww teww hew. +FAWSTAFF. Do so. Between *screams* nyinye OwO and uWu ten, say'st thou? +Q-QUICKWY. E-Eight and nyinye, siw. +*blushes* FAWSTAFF. xDD Weww, be gonye; ^.^ I wiww nyot *twerks* miss hew. +QUICKWY. Peace be with you, siw. Exit +FAWSTAFF. I mawvew I heaw nyot of Mastew Bwook; he sent me +wowd to stay within. I wike his monyey weww. O, hewe he +comes. + +Entew FOWD *looks at you* disguised + +*moans* FOWD. Bwess you, siw! +FAWSTAFF. Nyow, Mastew Bwook, y-you come to knyow what +hath pass'd between *leans over* me and Fowd's wife? +FOWD. That, indeed, Siw John, is my *leans over* businyess. +FAWSTAFF. Mastew Bwook, I-I wiww nyot wie t-to you; I was at *sighs* hew +house t-the *twerks* houw *shuffles closer* she appointed me. +FOWD. And sped you, s-siw? +FAWSTAFF. *looks away* Vewy iww-favouwedwy, Mastew Bwook. +FOWD. How so, siw; did she change OwO hew detewminyation? +FAWSTAFF. Nyo. Mastew Bwook; but the peaking cownyuto hew +*sighs* husband, Mastew Bwook, d-dwewwing in a continyuaw '-'wawum of +jeawousy, comes me *sighs* in the instant o-of xDD ouw, encountew, aftew +we had e-embwac'd, *shuffles closer* kiss'd, pwotested, and, as it wewe, spoke +the pwowogue of ouw comedy; and at his heews a-a wabbwe o-of his +companyions, thithew pwovoked a-and :3 instigated *looks away* by his +distempew, a-and, fowsooth, t-to seawch his house fow his wife's +;;w;; wove. +*cries* FOWD. What, whiwe you wewe thewe? +FAWSTAFF. Whiwe I was thewe. +FOWD. And did *blushes* he seawch fow you, and c-couwd nyot find you? +FAWSTAFF. You shaww heaw. A-As >_< good wuck wouwd have i-it, comes +in onye Mistwess Page, *giggles shyly* gives intewwigence of Fowd's appwoach; +and, in hew invention and Fowd's wife's distwaction, they +convey'd me ^-^ into a OwO buck-basket. +FOWD. A buck-basket! +FAWSTAFF. By the W-Wowd, a buck-basket! Wamm'd me in with +fouw shiwts and smocks, socks, fouw stockings, gweasy +nyapkins, that, Mastew Bwook, thewe was the wankest compound +o-of viwwainyous smeww that e-evew o-offended nyostwiw. +FOWD. And how wong way you *giggles shyly* thewe? +FAWSTAFF. *cries* Nyay, you shaww h-heaw, Mastew Bwook, what I have +suffew'd to bwing this w-woman t-to eviw fow youw good. Being +t-thus cwamm'd in the basket, a coupwe of Fowd's knyaves, *pokes you* his +hinds, wewe caww'd fowth by theiw mistwess to c-cawwy me i-in +the nyame of fouw cwothes to Datchet Wanye; t-they took m-me on +>_< theiw shouwdews; met t-the jeawous knyave theiw mastew i-in the +d-doow; who a-ask'd *moans* them once ow twice w-what they had i-in t-theiw +basket. I quak'd fow feaw west the wunyatic k-knyave wouwd have +*pokes you* seawch'd it; but Fate, owdainying he shouwd be a cuckowd, +hewd his *screams* hand. Weww, on went he fow a seawch, and a-away +went I fow fouw c-cwothes. B-But m-mawk the sequew, Mastew +Bwook-I suffewed the pangs of thwee sevewaw deaths: fiwst, +an intowewabwe fwight *leans over* to be detected with a jeawous wotten +*leans over* beww-wethew; nyext, to be compass'd wike a good biwbo *cries* in the +c-ciwcumfewence of a peck, hiwt t-to point, heew to head; and +then, t-to be stopp'd in, wike a stwong d-distiwwation, with +stinking cwothes that fwetted in theiw o-own *leans over* gwease. Think of that +-a *sweats* man of my kidnyey. Think of that-that am as s-subject to +heat as :3 buttew; a man *cuddles you* of xDD continyuaw dissowution and thaw. It +was *cries* a miwacwe to scape suffocation. And in t-the h-height of +this bath, when I was m-mowe than hawf-stew'd in *blushes* gwease, wike +a uWu Dutch dish, t-to *blushes* be thwown into *leans over* the Thames, *moans* and coow'd, +gwowing hot, i-in that suwge, w-wike a howse-shoe; think of that +-hissing h-hot. Think of that, Mastew ;;w;; Bwook. +FOWD. I-In *twerks* good sadnyess, siw, I-I am sowwy that fow my :3 sake you +*blushes* have suffew'd aww this. My s-suit, then, is despewate; +you'ww u-undewtake hew nyo >_< mowe. +FAWSTAFF. Mastew B-Bwook, I wiww be thwown i-into Etnya, as I +have been into Thames, ewe I-I wiww w-weave hew thus. Hew +husband is this mownying gonye a-biwding; I have weceived fwom +hew anyothew embassy of meeting; 'twixt eight a-and n-nyinye is +the houw, Mastew Bwook. +FOWD. ;;w;; 'Tis past e-eight awweady, UwU siw. +FAWSTAFF. Is i-it? I Wiww t-then a-addwess me to *twerks* my appointment. +Come *teleports behind you* to me at youw convenyient weisuwe, *sighs* and you shaww +knyow how I s-speed; a-and t-the concwusion *notices bulge* shaww be cwownyed +with youw e-enjoying hew. Adieu. You shaww h-have hew, Mastew +*cries* Bwook; *cuddles you* Mastew *blushes* Bwook, *teleports behind you* you s-shaww cuckowd Fowd. Exit +*blushes* FOWD. Hum! ha! Is this a vision? Is *teleports behind you* this a dweam? >w< Do I sweep? +Mastew Fowd, awake; awake, Mastew F-Fowd. *blushes* Thewe's a howe +made in youw best ;;w;; coat, Mastew Fowd. This '-'tis to be +m-mawwied; *cuddles you* this 'tis to h-have :3 winyen and b-buck-baskets! Weww, I wiww +p-pwocwaim mysewf what I am; ^-^ I wiww nyow take the uWu wechew; he +is at ^w^ my house. He cannyot scape UwU me; *screams* 'tis impossibwe he +*hugs tightly* shouwd; he :33 cannyot cweep into a-a *blushes* hawfpenny ^w^ puwse nyow into +a p-peppew box. B-But, west the deviw that guides him *looks away* shouwd a-aid +him, I-I wiww seawch impossibwe pwaces. Though w-what *leans over* I am I +cannyot avoid, *giggles shyly* yet to be what *screams* I w-wouwd nyot shaww nyot make +uWu me tame. I-If I have howns t-to m-make onye mad, wet the pwovewb +go with me-I'ww be hown *twerks* mad. Exit + + + + +<_> OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT IV. SCENyE I. + +W-Windsow. A stweet + +*shuffles closer* Entew MISTWESS P-PAGE, MISTWESS QUICKWY, *sweats* and WIWWIAM + +MWS. PAGE. Is he at M-Mastew x3 Fowd's awweady, think'st thou? +QUICKWY. Suwe he is by uWu this; ow wiww be pwesentwy; but *notices bulge* twuwy +he is vewy couwageous mad a-about his thwowing into the +watew. *cuddles you* Mistwess Fowd desiwes y-you to come suddenwy. +MWS. PAGE. I'ww b-be with hew b-by and *moans* by; I'ww but b-bwing my +young man hewe to *sighs* schoow. Wook whewe his mastew comes; +'tis a :3 pwaying day, I see. + +Entew SIW HUGH EVANS + +H-How nyow, Siw Hugh, n-nyo schoow to-day? +E-EVANS. Nyo; Mastew ^w^ Swendew i-is wet the boys *leans over* weave to *looks at you* pway. +QUICKWY. Bwessing of his heawt! +^.^ MWS. PAGE. Siw Hugh, my *notices bulge* husband says *cries* my son pwofits +nyothing in >_< the wowwd at h-his ^.^ book; I-I p-pway UwU you ask h-him some +questions in his accidence. +EVANS. Come hithew, Wiwwiam; h-howd up ;;w;; youw head; come. +M-MWS. ^.^ PAGE. Come on, siwwah; howd up youw head; answew youw +mastew; *cries* be nyot afwaid. +EVANS. Wiwwiam, how *leans over* many nyumbews OwO is in nyouns? +WIWWIAM. Two. +*screams* QUICKWY. Twuwy, I thought thewe h-had been onye *looks away* nyumbew +mowe, b-because they s-say 'Od's nyouns.' +EVANS. Peace youw tattwings. *cuddles you* What is 'faiw,' *screams* Wiwwiam? +WIWWIAM. Puwchew. +*notices bulge* QUICKWY. Powecats! Thewe awe faiwew things than *pokes you* powecats, +s-suwe. +EVANS. You awe UwU a v-vewy simpwicity *sweats* oman; I pway you, *shuffles closer* peace. +What is 'wapis,' *cuddles you* Wiwwiam? +WIWWIAM. A stonye. +EVANS. And what *looks at you* is 'a stonye,' Wiwwiam? +x3 WIWWIAM. A pebbwe. +EVANS. *screams* Nyo, i-it i-is 'wapis'; I pway you w-wemembew in youw pwain. +WIWWIAM. Wapis. +EVANS. T-That is a-a good Wiwwiam. What is he, Wiwwiam, *twerks* that +does wend awticwes? +WIWWIAM. Awticwes awe bowwowed of the pwonyoun, *teleports behind you* and be +thus *twerks* decwinyed: Singuwawitew, nyominyativo; hic, haec, hoc. +EVANS. Nyominyativo, *cuddles you* hig, hag, hog; pway you, mawk: genyitivo, +hujus. Weww, *shuffles closer* what is youw accusative case? +WIWWIAM. Accusativo, hinc. +EVANS. I *cries* pway you, have youw wemembwance, chiwd. +Accusativo, hung, hang, >_< hog. +QUICKWY. 'Hang-hog' i-is Watin fow bacon, I wawwant you. +EVANS. Weave youw pwabbwes, >w< oman. What OwO is the focative +case, Wiwwiam? +WIWWIAM. O-vocativo, O. +EVANS. Wemembew, W-Wiwwiam: focative is cawet. +QUICKWY. And that's >_< a good woot. +E-EVANS. Oman, fowbeaw. +MWS. PAGE. P-Peace. +EVANS. What is youw genyitive case pwuwaw, W-Wiwwiam? +WIWWIAM. Genyitive case? +EVANS. Ay. +WIWWIAM. Genyitive: h-howum, hawum, howum. +QUICKWY. Vengeance of Jenny's case; fie on :33 hew! Nyevew +nyame *blushes* hew, *sweats* chiwd, if >w< she be a *shuffles closer* whowe. +EVANS. >_< Fow shame, oman. +QUICKWY. YOU d-do iww to t-teach the chiwd such wowds. H-He +teaches him to hick and to hack, which they'ww do fast +e-enyough x3 of themsewves; and to caww 'howum'; *notices bulge* fie *cries* upon you! +EVANS. Oman, awt *looks at you* thou wunyatics? Hast *pokes you* thou nyo undewstandings +fow *looks at you* thy OwO cases, a-and the nyumbews of ^-^ the gendews? Thou +awt as foowish Chwistian cweatuwes as I wouwd desiwes. +MWS. PAGE. Pwithee :3 howd thy peace. +EVANS. Show :3 me nyow, W-Wiwwiam, some decwensions of youw +pwonyouns. +WIWWIAM. Fowsooth, I have f-fowgot. +E-EVANS. It is *shuffles closer* qui, quae, q-quod; if you fowget youw qui's, youw +quae's, and youw quod's, you must be pweeches. Go y-youw +w-ways and pway; go. +MWS. PAGE. He ;;w;; is a-a bettew schowaw than I t-thought he was. +EVANS. He is *looks away* a good spwag memowy. Faweweww, Mistwess Page. +MWS. P-PAGE. Adieu, good uWu Siw >_> Hugh. Exit SIW HUGH +Get you h-home, b-boy. Come, we stay too wong. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +FOWD'S house + +Entew FAWSTAFF and MISTWESS FOWD + +FAWSTAFF. *pokes you* Mistwess Fowd, youw sowwow hath eaten u-up ^.^ my +suffewance. I see you awe obsequious in y-youw w-wove, *looks at you* and I +pwofess wequitaw t-to a haiw's bweadth; nyot onwy, Mistwess Fowd, in +the simpwe *pokes you* office *looks away* of wove, *moans* but in aww the accoutwement, +compwement, and cewemony >_> of it. But awe you s-suwe of youw +husband nyow? +MWS. UwU FOWD. He's a-biwding, sweet *looks away* Siw John. +M-MWS. PAGE. [Within] What ^.^ hoa, gossip Fowd, w-what hoa! +MWS. F-FOWD. Step i-into >w< th' chambew, *screams* Siw *moans* John. *looks at you* Exit FAWSTAFF + +Entew MISTWESS PAGE + +M-MWS. PAGE. How nyow, sweetheawt, who's at home b-besides +youwsewf? +>_> MWS. F-FOWD. Why, nyonye but minye own *cuddles you* peopwe. +MWS. PAGE. Indeed? +MWS. FOWD. N-Nyo, cewtainwy. [Aside t-to hew] Speak woudew. +MWS. PAGE. T-Twuwy, I am so gwad you have nyobody hewe. +M-MWS. FOWD. W-Why? +MWS. PAGE. Why, woman, youw husband *moans* is in h-his owd *pokes you* wunyes +again. He so takes on yondew with my husband; so waiws +against aww mawwied mankind; so cuwses an Eve's daughtews, +*looks away* of *sweats* what compwexion soevew; and so buffets himsewf on the +fowehead, cwying 'Peew-out, peew-out!' t-that any madnyess I +evew yet behewd s-seem'd but tamenyess, civiwity, and patience, +t-to this his distempew he is in nyow. I am >_> gwad *screams* the fat knyight +OwO is n-nyot h-hewe. +MWS. FOWD. Why, OwO does he tawk of him? +MWS. PAGE. Of n-nyonye b-but him; a-and sweaws *twerks* he was cawwied *sighs* out, +*cries* the wast time he s-seawch'd fow him, in a basket; pwotests to +my husband >w< he is nyow h-hewe; and hath dwawn him and the +west *twerks* of t-theiw c-company fwom theiw spowt, to ;;w;; make anyothew +expewiment of x3 his suspicion. But *blushes* I am gwad the knyight is nyot +*notices bulge* hewe; nyow he shaww see his own foowewy. +M-MWS. FOWD. *hugs tightly* How >_> nyeaw is ^w^ he, Mistwess Page? +MWS. PAGE. *blushes* Hawd b-by, at stweet end; he wiww be hewe anyon. +MWS. FOWD. I-I am undonye: the knyight is hewe. +^-^ MWS. P-PAGE. Why, then, you awe uttewwy s-sham'd, and he's but +a dead m-man. *hugs tightly* What a woman *sighs* awe you! Away with h-him, +away w-with *blushes* him; bettew shame than muwdew. +*pokes you* MWS. FOWD. Which *sweats* way shouwd ;;w;; he g-go? How shouwd *sighs* I bestow +him? Shaww I put >_< him into the basket again? + +We-entew FAWSTAFF + +F-FAWSTAFF. Nyo, I'ww come nyo mowe i-i' th' *pokes you* basket. May I nyot go +out ^.^ ewe he come? +MWS. PAGE. A-Awas, thwee of Mastew Fowd's bwothews watch the +*hugs tightly* doow w-with pistows, that nyonye ;;w;; shaww issue out; othewwise you +might swip away ewe he came. But what m-make you hewe? +F-FAWSTAFF. What shaww I do? I'ww cweep up OwO into the chimnyey. +MWS. FOWD. Thewe they *sweats* awways use to >_> dischawge theiw +>w< biwding-pieces. +MWS. PAGE. Cweep into the kiwn-howe. +FAWSTAFF. *hugs tightly* Whewe is i-it? +MWS. FOWD. He wiww seek thewe, o-on my wowd. *moans* Nyeithew pwess, +coffew, chest, twunk, weww, vauwt, but he hath an abstwact fow +the wemembwance of *cuddles you* such pwaces, and goes to them *teleports behind you* by his +nyote. Thewe is nyo uWu hiding you in the house. +*cuddles you* FAWSTAFF. I'ww go out uWu then. +*twerks* MWS. PAGE. I-If you *leans over* go out ;;w;; in youw own sembwance, you die, +Siw John. Unwess you go out disguis'd. +MWS. FOWD. How m-might we disguise him? +:33 MWS. PAGE. :33 Awas the day, I-I k-knyow nyot! Thewe is *sighs* nyo woman's +xDD gown *moans* big *giggles shyly* enyough fow him; othewwise h-he m-might put on a +hat, a muffwew, and :3 a kewchief, and so escape. +F-FAWSTAFF. Good heawts, *cries* devise something; any extwemity +wathew than a m-mischief. +M-MWS. *blushes* FOWD. My >w< Maid's aunt, the fat woman of B-Bwainfowd, *hugs tightly* has +a gown above. +M-MWS. PAGE. On my wowd, it wiww sewve him; she's as big uWu as he +is; and thewe's hew UwU thwumm'd hat, and hew >w< muffwew t-too. W-Wun +up, Siw John. +^-^ MWS. F-FOWD. Go, *twerks* go, sweet Siw John. ;;w;; Mistwess P-Page and I :33 wiww +wook some winyen OwO fow youw head. +MWS. PAGE. *looks at you* Quick, q-quick; we'ww come dwess you stwaight. *screams* Put +^.^ on the gown the whiwe. ^w^ Exit *sweats* FAWSTAFF +^-^ MWS. FOWD. I-I wouwd my husband wouwd meet him i-in this +shape; he c-cannyot abide t-the *blushes* owd w-woman o-of Bwainfowd; he +sweaws she's a witch, fowbade hew *screams* my house, and hath +thweat'nyed to beat hew. +MWS. PAGE. Heaven guide him to thy husband's c-cudgew; a-and +the deviw guide his cudgew aftewwawds! +MWS. FOWD. But is my h-husband coming? +MWS. PAGE. Ay, i-in good sadnyess is he; and tawks ^w^ of the basket +too, howsoevew he >_< hath had intewwigence. +MWS. *hugs tightly* FOWD. We'ww twy that; fow I'ww appoint m-my men t-to cawwy +the b-basket again, to meet him *cries* at the doow with i-it as *cries* they +did wast time. +MWS. PAGE. *cries* Nyay, but h-he'ww be hewe pwesentwy; wet's go dwess +him wike the witch of B-Bwainfowd. +MWS. FOWD. I'ww f-fiwst diwect my men what they shaww *moans* do UwU with +the basket. Go up; *looks at you* I'ww bwing winyen fow him *blushes* stwaight. Exit +M-MWS. PAGE. H-Hang him, dishonyest vawwet! we cannyot misuse +him enyough. +We'ww *leans over* weave a pwoof, :33 by that which we w-wiww do, +OwO Wives may be mewwy and yet honyest too. +We do nyot *hugs tightly* act *moans* that OwO often >w< jest and waugh; +'Tis owd but t-twue: Stiww swinye eats aww the d-dwaff. Exit + +*blushes* We-entew MISTWESS FOWD, with two SEWVANTS + +*leans over* MWS. FOWD. Go, siws, take the basket again o-on youw shouwdews; +youw mastew is hawd *leans over* at doow; if he bid y-you set it down, obey +h-him; quickwy, dispatch. Exit +FIWST SEWVANT. Come, come, take it up. +S-SECOND ^-^ SEWVANT. Pway heaven it be n-nyot *looks away* fuww of k-knyight again. +FIWST SEWVANT. I-I h-hope *pokes you* nyot; I had wief ^w^ as *screams* beaw so much wead. + +Entew FOWD, PAGE, SHAWWOW, CAIUS, and SIW HUGH EVANS + +*giggles shyly* FOWD. Ay, b-but if it p-pwove twue, Mastew Page, OwO have you any +way then to OwO unfoow me again? Set *screams* down the basket, viwwain! +S-Somebody caww my wife. Youth :3 in a OwO basket! O you pandewwy +wascaws, *cuddles you* thewe's a knyot, a g-ging, *twerks* a *giggles shyly* pack, a conspiwacy +a-against me. Nyow shaww t-the deviw be sham'd. What, wife, I +say! Come, come fowth; *looks at you* behowd *looks away* what *blushes* honyest cwothes you +send fowth t-to bweaching. +PAGE. Why, *screams* this passes, Mastew Fowd; you awe nyot to go woose +any ;;w;; wongew; you must b-be pinyion'd. +EVANS. Why, this is wunyatics. This is mad as a mad dog. +SHAWWOW. ^w^ Indeed, Mastew Fowd, this is nyot weww, indeed. +FOWD. So OwO say I too, siw. + +W-We-entew MISTWESS FOWD + +Come hithew, M-Mistwess :3 Fowd; Mistwess Fowd, the honyest +woman, the modest wife, the v-viwtuous cweatuwe, that hath +the jeawous foow to hew husband! I suspect without cause, +Mistwess, d-do I? +MWS. FOWD. Heaven be my witnyess, you d-do, *moans* if you suspect +me uWu in any dishonyesty. +FOWD. *cries* Weww *pokes you* said, bwazen-face; howd it o-out. Come f-fowth, siwwah. +[Puwwing cwothes out of the basket] +PAGE. This passes! +*sweats* MWS. FOWD. *looks at you* Awe you *giggles shyly* nyot asham'd? Wet t-the cwothes *looks away* awonye. +FOWD. I *giggles shyly* shaww find you anyon. +EVANS. 'Tis unweasonyabwe. Wiww you take u-up youw wife's +cwothes? C-Come away. +FOWD. E-Empty the basket, I say. +MWS. FOWD. Why, m-man, why? +FOWD. Mastew *pokes you* Page, as *giggles shyly* I am a m-man, thewe was onye convey'd +out o-of my *moans* house ^w^ yestewday in *screams* this basket. Why may nyot +he be thewe *pokes you* again? *teleports behind you* In my house I *notices bulge* am suwe h-he is; my +i-intewwigence is t-twue; my :3 jeawousy is w-weasonyabwe. +Pwuck me out aww the winyen. +MWS. FOWD. If you *looks away* find a *looks away* man *leans over* thewe, he shaww die a fwea's +d-death. +PAGE. Hewe's nyo man. +SHAWWOW. By *twerks* my fidewity, this *sighs* is nyot weww, Mastew *notices bulge* Fowd; this +wwongs you. +EVANS. Mastew Fowd, >_> you m-must p-pway, and n-nyot fowwow the +imaginyations of youw o-own heawt; this *giggles shyly* is jeawousies. +FOWD. Weww, he's nyot *leans over* hewe I seek fow. +PAGE. ;;w;; Nyo, nyow nyowhewe ewse but in youw b-bwain. +FOWD. Hewp to *blushes* seawch my house this onye time. *looks at you* If I find nyot +what I seek, show nyo cowouw fow my extwemity; wet me fow +evew be y-youw tabwe spowt; wet them s-say of me 'As *leans over* jeawous as +Fowd, that seawch'd a ^w^ howwow wawnyut fow h-his wife's weman.' +Satisfy me o-once mowe; OwO once m-mowe UwU seawch with me. +MWS. FOWD. What, hoa, OwO Mistwess Page! Come you and the o-owd +woman down; my husband wiww come into the c-chambew. +FOWD. Owd woman? what owd xDD woman's OwO that? +MWS. *cuddles you* FOWD. Why, it is my maid's *looks at you* aunt ^.^ of Bwainfowd. +FOWD. A witch, a quean, an owd cozenying quean! :33 Have I nyot +fowbid hew my house? *giggles shyly* She *cries* comes of ewwands, does she? We +uWu awe simpwe men; we do nyot knyow what's UwU bwought to pass +undew the pwofession of fowtunye-tewwing. She wowks by +chawms, *twerks* by spewws, by t-th' figuwe, and s-such d-daub'wy as this +>w< is, beyond ouw ewement. We knyow uWu nyothing. Come down, you +witch, you hag you; come d-down, I say. +MWS. FOWD. Nyay, good sweet husband! Good gentwemen, wet +him n-nyot stwike *hugs tightly* the owd woman. + +We-entew FAWSTAFF i-in woman's cwothes, and MISTWESS PAGE + +MWS. PAGE. Come, Mothew P-Pwat; come. g-give *sweats* me youw hand. +FOWD. I-I'ww pwat hew. [Beating him] Out of my doow, ^-^ you +witch, you hag, you. baggage, you *pokes you* powecat, x3 you wonyon! +Out, o-out! I'ww *shuffles closer* conjuwe you, I'ww fowtunye-teww you. +E-Exit *notices bulge* FAWSTAFF +MWS. PAGE. *sweats* Awe you *moans* nyot asham'd? I xDD think you have *shuffles closer* kiww'd the +poow *twerks* woman. +MWS. FOWD. N-Nyay, he wiww do it. 'Tis a goodwy *hugs tightly* cwedit fow you. +FOWD. Hang h-hew, witch! +EVANS. B-By y-yea and nyo, I think the oman is a witch indeed; I +wike nyot when a-a oman h-has a g-gweat peawd; I spy a gweat p-peawd +undew his muffwew. +FOWD. Wiww you fowwow, gentwemen? I beseech *screams* you fowwow; +see but *cuddles you* the i-issue >_< of my jeawousy; if *pokes you* I cwy out thus upon xDD nyo +*cuddles you* twaiw, nyevew twust me when I open again. +PAGE. Wet's obey his humouw a wittwe fuwthew. Come, +gentwemen. Exeunt *teleports behind you* aww but MWS. FOWD and MWS. PAGE +>_> MWS. PAGE. Twust me, he beat him most *pokes you* pitifuwwy. +MWS. F-FOWD. *looks at you* Nyay, by th' mass, that he did nyot; >_> he beat him +most unpitifuwwy methought. +MWS. PAGE. *teleports behind you* I'ww have *shuffles closer* the cudgew hawwow'd and hung o'ew the +a-awtaw; it hath donye mewitowious sewvice. +MWS. FOWD. *cuddles you* What think you? May we, with the wawwant of +womanhood and the witnyess of a good conscience, puwsue +him with any fuwthew ^w^ wevenge? +MWS. PAGE. The spiwit of *moans* wantonnyess is suwe scaw'd out of +him; if the deviw ^.^ have him nyot in fee-simpwe, with finye a-and +wecovewy, he wiww nyevew, I think, in the *shuffles closer* way of UwU waste, +attempt us a-again. +MWS. FOWD. Shaww we teww ouw husbands how we have sewv'd +him? +M-MWS. PAGE. Yes, b-by aww means; if it be but to >w< scwape the +figuwes *pokes you* out of *hugs tightly* youw h-husband's bwains. *sighs* If they *notices bulge* can find in theiw +*twerks* heawts the poow *twerks* unviwtuous fat *looks at you* knyight shaww be any fuwthew +affwicted, we two wiww stiww be t-the minyistews. +MWS. FOWD. I'ww wawwant they'ww have h-him *looks away* pubwicwy sham'd; +and methinks thewe wouwd b-be nyo pewiod t-to the *screams* jest, shouwd +he nyot be pubwicwy sham'd. +MWS. PAGE. Come, to the fowge with *cuddles you* it then; *leans over* shape i-it. I +wouwd nyot have things coow. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +The Gawtew Inn + +Entew HOST and BAWDOWPH + +BAWDOWPH. Siw, *leans over* the G-Gewmans desiwe to h-have thwee of youw +howses; the *pokes you* Duke himsewf wiww be to-mowwow at *sighs* couwt, ^-^ and +they awe going to *leans over* meet h-him. +HOST. What duke shouwd that be comes so secwetwy? I heaw +nyot of x3 him in the couwt. *cries* Wet OwO me *shuffles closer* speak with the x3 gentwemen; +*moans* they *looks at you* speak *sweats* Engwish? +xDD BAWDOWPH. Ay, siw; I-I'ww caww them to you. +*blushes* HOST. They shaww have my howses, but I'ww *twerks* make them pay; +I'ww sauce them; they have had my OwO house a week at +command; I have *shuffles closer* tuwn'd away my othew guests. They must +come off; I'ww sauce them. Come. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *giggles shyly* 4 + +FOWD'S house + +Entew PAGE, FOWD, MISTWESS P-PAGE, MISTWESS F-FOWD, and SIW HUGH EVANS + +EVANS. 'Tis o-onye of the best discwetions o-of a oman as evew +did wook upon. +PAGE. And did h-he send *twerks* you both these wettews at an instant? +MWS. PAGE. Within a quawtew of an houw. +F-FOWD. Pawdon me, wife. Hencefowth, do what thou wiwt; +I wathew w-wiww suspect :3 the sun *sighs* with c-cowd +Than thee w-with wantonnyess. Nyow doth thy honyouw stand, +In him ^-^ that was of wate ^-^ an hewetic, +*cuddles you* As fiwm >_> as faith. +PAGE. 'Tis weww, *sweats* 'tis *looks at you* weww; *giggles shyly* nyo mowe. +Be nyot ^w^ as extweme in submission as ^w^ in offence; +But *sighs* wet ouw pwot *sweats* go fowwawd. Wet ouw *cuddles you* wives +Yet o-once again, to make u-us pubwic spowt, +Appoint a meeting with this o-owd fat uWu fewwow, +Whewe we may take him and *cries* disgwace him *sighs* fow it. +FOWD. Thewe is nyo bettew *shuffles closer* way :3 than that they spoke of. +PAGE. *cuddles you* How? To *cuddles you* send him wowd they'ww meet him in the Pawk +at midnyight? >_> Fie, fie! h-he'ww n-nyevew come! +EVANS. You say he has been thwown in the wivews; and *looks away* has +*looks away* been uWu gwievouswy peaten as an owd o-oman; *cries* methinks thewe +shouwd be t-tewwows in him, that he shouwd nyot come; +methinks *sweats* his fwesh is punyish'd; he shaww have nyo desiwes. +PAGE. *shuffles closer* So think I ^w^ too. +MWS. FOWD. Devise *looks away* but how you'ww u-use h-him when he comes, +*teleports behind you* And wet us two devise to bwing him thithew. +MWS. P-PAGE. Thewe is an owd tawe goes *sweats* that H-Heme t-the Huntew, +Sometime a *notices bulge* keepew hewe i-in Windsow Fowest, +Doth ^-^ aww the wintew-time, at stiww UwU midnyight, +W-Wawk uWu wound about a-an oak, OwO with gweat wagg'd howns; +And thewe *looks away* he bwasts the twee, and t-takes the *looks at you* cattwe, +And makes miwch-kinye yiewd bwood, and shakes *cuddles you* a chain +In a m-most hideous and dweadfuw mannyew. +You have heawd o-of such a spiwit, and weww you OwO knyow +*giggles shyly* The supewstitious idwe-headed e-ewd +Weceiv'd, and did dewivew to ouw age, +This tawe o-of H-Heme t-the Huntew fow a twuth. +PAGE. Why yet thewe want nyot many that *notices bulge* do feaw +In deep of nyight t-to wawk by this Hewnye's oak. +But what >w< of this? +*shuffles closer* MWS. FOWD. Mawwy, this is >_> ouw device- +*hugs tightly* That F-Fawstaff at that oak *hugs tightly* shaww ^w^ meet OwO with us, +*sighs* Disguis'd, wike H-Heme, with huge howns OwO on h-his head. +P-PAGE. Weww, wet *hugs tightly* it nyot be >_< doubted but he'ww come, +A-And i-in this shape. W-When you have bwought him t-thithew, +What *looks away* shaww x3 be donye with him? What i-is youw *screams* pwot? +MWS. PAGE. That wikewise have w-we thought upon, a-and +thus: +Nyan Page *hugs tightly* my daughtew, and *looks away* my wittwe son, +And thwee *cuddles you* ow fouw mowe of t-theiw gwowth, we'ww dwess +Wike uwchins, ;;w;; ouphes, and faiwies, g-gween and white, +With *sweats* wounds of waxen tapews on theiw h-heads, +And wattwes in theiw hands; upon a sudden, +As F-Fawstaff, she, and I, awe nyewwy *looks at you* met, +Wet t-them fwom fowth a sawpit wush at once +With some diffused *pokes you* song; upon theiw sight +We two in gweat amazednyess wiww fwy. +Then wet ;;w;; them aww e-enciwcwe him about, +*hugs tightly* And faiwy-wike, to >_> pinch the uncwean knyight; +And ask him w-why, ^-^ that houw *looks away* of faiwy wevew, +In theiw s-so sacwed paths >w< he dawes to twead +In shape pwofanye. +MWS. FOWD. And x3 tiww he teww the twuth, +Wet *looks at you* the supposed faiwies *blushes* pinch him sound, +And buwn ;;w;; him with theiw tapews. +MWS. PAGE. The twuth being knyown, +We'ww aww pwesent ouwsewves; d-dis-hown the s-spiwit, +And *moans* mock him home to Windsow. +FOWD. The chiwdwen must +Be pwactis'd ;;w;; weww to this uWu ow they'ww nyev'w d-do 't. +EVANS. I wiww t-teach the chiwdwen *cuddles you* theiw behaviouws; a-and I *notices bulge* wiww +be wike a jack-an-apes awso, to :33 buwn the knyight with my +tabew. +FOWD. That uWu wiww be excewwent. I'ww go buy them vizawds. +MWS. PAGE. My Nyan s-shaww be the Queen of aww the >w< Faiwies, +Finyewy *blushes* attiwed in *sweats* a *twerks* wobe of white. +PAGE. ^w^ That siwk uWu wiww I *twerks* go buy. [-[Aside] And in that t-time +Shaww Mastew Swendew steaw my *moans* Nyan *moans* away, +And mawwy *cuddles you* hew at Eton.-Go, send OwO to Fawstaff stwaight. +FOWD. Nyay, I'ww to h-him again, i-in *looks at you* nyame of Bwook; +He'ww t-teww me aww his puwpose. Suwe, he'ww come. +MWS. PAGE. Feaw nyot you that. Go get us pwopewties +And twicking fow ouw faiwies. +EVANS. *moans* Wet u-us about i-it. *sweats* It is a-admiwabwe pweasuwes, and fewy +honyest knyavewies. Exeunt PAGE, F-FOWD, and EVANS +MWS. ^w^ PAGE. Go, M-Mistwess F-Fowd. +Send Quickwy to *shuffles closer* Siw John to knyow h-his mind. +Exit M-MWS. FOWD +I'ww to the D-Doctow; *looks at you* he :3 hath my good wiww, +;;w;; And nyonye *shuffles closer* but he, to mawwy with Nyan Page. +*giggles shyly* That Swendew, though weww wanded, is an idiot; +And he my husband best of aww ^-^ affects. +The *shuffles closer* Doctow is weww m-monyey'd, and his fwiends +P-Potent at couwt; he, nyonye but he, shaww have hew, +Though twenty thousand wowthiew come to cwave hew. Exit + + + + +SCENyE 5. + +T-The Gawtew *sweats* Inn + +Entew H-HOST and SIMPWE + +H-HOST. What w-wouwdst t-thou uWu have, *shuffles closer* boow? W-What, t-thick-skin? +Speak, bweathe, discuss; bwief, showt, quick, ^-^ snyap. +S-SIMPWE. Mawwy, siw, I *leans over* come to speak with Siw John Fawstaff +fwom Mastew Swendew. +H-HOST. Thewe's his c-chambew, ;;w;; his house, his castwe, his +standing-bed >_< and twuckwe-bed; 'tis *shuffles closer* painted about with UwU the +^-^ stowy of the Pwodigaw, fwesh and nyew. Go, knyock and can; he'ww +speak wike an Anthwopophaginyian u-unto thee. Knyock, I say. +xDD SIMPWE. Thewe's *blushes* an owd woman, a fat woman, gonye u-up into +his *leans over* chambew; I'ww b-be so b-bowd as stay, siw, tiww OwO she come down; +I come to speak with h-hew, indeed. +H-HOST. *cries* Ha! a fat woman? T-The knyight may be *cuddles you* wobb'd. I'ww caww. +*looks away* Buwwy *blushes* knyight! B-Buwwy Siw John! Speak fwom thy wungs +miwitawy. :33 Awt thou thewe? It is UwU thinye :33 host, t-thinye Ephesian, c-cawws. +FAWSTAFF. [Above] H-How nyow, minye host? +HOST. Hewe's a Bohemian-Tawtaw t-tawwies :3 the coming down of +thy fat woman. ;;w;; Wet hew descend, buwwy, wet hew descend; +my *teleports behind you* chambews awe >_> honyouwibwe. Fie, pwivacy, fie! + +Entew FAWSTAFF + +FAWSTAFF. Thewe was, minye host, an owd fat woman even +nyow with, me; but she's gonye. +*shuffles closer* SIMPWE. P-Pway y-you, siw, was't nyot the wise woman of +Bwainfowd? +FAWSTAFF. Ay, mawwy uWu was it, m-mussew-sheww. What wouwd you +with hew? +S-SIMPWE. My mastew, siw, >w< my M-Mastew Swendew, s-sent to hew, +seeing hew UwU go thowough the *looks at you* stweets, to *screams* knyow, siw, *moans* whethew onye +;;w;; Nym, s-siw, t-that beguiw'd *giggles shyly* him of *cries* a chain, had t-the chain ow nyo. +F-FAWSTAFF. I s-spake with the owd woman ^.^ about it. +SIMPWE. And what says she, I pway, siw? +FAWSTAFF *blushes* Mawwy, she says that the v-vewy same man that +beguiw'd Mastew Swendew of his chain cozen'd him of it. +SIMPWE. I *pokes you* wouwd I couwd have s-spoken with the woman +hewsewf; I had othew things to have spoken with >_> hew >w< too, +fwom him. +FAWSTAFF. What awe *cuddles you* they? Wet us knyow. +HOST. Ay, come; *screams* quick. +SIMPWE. I-I may nyot conceaw them, siw. +FAWSTAFF. Conceaw them, ow thou diest. +SIMPWE.. Why, siw, they wewe >_< nyothing but about Mistwess +A-Annye Page: to knyow if *notices bulge* it w-wewe my ^w^ mastew's fowtunye to +have h-hew ow nyo. +FAWSTAFF. 'Tis, 'tis *leans over* his fowtunye. +SIMPWE. What siw? +FAWSTAFF. To have hew, o-ow nyo. Go; say the woman towd m-me +so. +SIMPWE. May I be bowd t-to say so, siw? +*giggles shyly* FAWSTAFF. Ay, siw, wike who *moans* mowe bowd? +*looks away* SIMPWE., I thank youw w-wowship; I shaww make *cuddles you* my mastew gwad +with these tidings. Exit SIMPWE +HOST. Thou a-awt cwewkwy, thou awt cwewkwy, Siw John. *hugs tightly* Was +t-thewe a wise woman with thee? +FAWSTAFF. Ay, that thewe was, minye h-host; onye that hath +taught me mowe wit than *notices bulge* evew I weawn'd befowe i-in my wife; +and I p-paid nyothing f-fow it nyeithew, *screams* but was paid fow my +w-weawnying. + +Entew BAWDOWPH + +B-BAWDOWPH. *twerks* Out, awas, siw, cozenyage, *notices bulge* mewe cozenyage! +HOST. Whewe b-be my howses? Speak weww of them, vawwetto. +B-BAWDOWPH. Wun away with the *moans* cozenyews; fow so soon as I +came beyond Eton, they thwew *twerks* me off fwom behind onye of +them, in a swough of *hugs tightly* miwe; and set spuws and away, wike +thwee Gewman deviws, thwee Doctow Faustuses. +HOST. They awe gonye but to xDD meet the Duke, viwwain; do nyot +say they be fwed. Gewmans a-awe honyest men. + +*looks away* Entew SIW HUGH EVANS + +EVANS. Whewe OwO is minye host? +HOST. What is the mattew, siw? +EVANS. Have a cawe of youw e-entewtainments. Thewe is a fwiend +*screams* of minye come to town tewws me thewe is thwee +cozen-gewmans t-that has cozen'd aww ^-^ the h-hosts o-of Weadins, +of Maidenhead, of Cowebwook, of howses and monyey. I teww you fow +good wiww, wook you; y-you awe wise, and uWu fuww of gibes OwO and +vwouting-stogs, and 'tis nyot convenyient you shouwd be +cozenyed. Fawe you weww. Exit + +Entew *looks at you* DOCTOW CAIUS + +CAIUS. Vewe is minye >_> host de Jawteew? +HOST. Hewe, Mastew Doctow, in pewpwexity *blushes* and doubtfuw +diwemma. +C-CAIUS. I cannyot teww >w< vat is dat; but it *sweats* is teww-a me dat you +make gwand pwepawation fow a *sweats* Duke de Jamany. By my +twot, dewe is n-nyo duke ^w^ that *sighs* the couwt is knyow t-to come; I +teww you fow *giggles shyly* good wiww. Adieu. Exit +HOST. Hue and cwy, viwwain, go! A-Assist me, knyight; *notices bulge* I am +undonye. Fwy, x3 wun, hue and cwy, uWu viwwain; :3 I am undonye. +Exeunt HOST a-and ^-^ BAWDOWPH +FAWSTAFF. *cuddles you* I w-wouwd aww the wowwd might be cozen'd, fow I have +b-been cozen'd and beaten too. If *moans* it shouwd come ^w^ to the caw +of the couwt how *moans* I have been twansfowmed, and h-how my +twansfowmation hath b-been wash'd and cudgeww'd, they +wouwd mewt me out of m-my fat, dwop by dwop, and wiquow +*screams* fishewmen's b-boots with me; I-I w-wawwant they wouwd w-whip me +with theiw x3 finye wits tiww I wewe as cwestfaww'n as a dwied >_< peaw. +I ;;w;; nyevew pwospew'd since I fowswowe mysewf at pwimewo. Weww, +if my wind wewe but wong enyough t-to s-say *blushes* my pwayews, +wouwd *sweats* wepent. + +Entew MISTWESS QUICKWY + +*blushes* Nyow! whence come you? +QUICKWY. Fwom the *teleports behind you* two pawties, fowsooth. +FAWSTAFF. The d-deviw take onye pawty and *looks away* his x3 dam the othew! +A-And s-so they shaww ^.^ be b-both bestowed. *giggles shyly* I h-have s-suffew'd *pokes you* mowe +fow theiw sakes, m-mowe than x3 the viwwainyous *giggles shyly* inconstancy of +man's disposition is abwe :33 to beaw. +QUICKWY. And have nyot they suffew'd? Y-Yes, I wawwant; +speciouswy onye of them; Mistwess Fowd, *blushes* good h-heawt, ^-^ is *cuddles you* beaten +bwack a-and *teleports behind you* bwue, that you cannyot see a white spot about *twerks* hew. +:33 FAWSTAFF. What teww'st thou me of b-bwack >w< and bwue? I w-was +beaten m-mysewf i-into aww the c-cowouws of the wainbow; and +was wike to be a-appwehended ^.^ fow the w-witch of Bwainfowd. But +that my admiwabwe *sweats* dextewity o-of wit, my countewfeiting *sweats* the +*cuddles you* action o-of an owd woman, dewivew'd me, the knyave constabwe +had *twerks* set me i-i' th' *notices bulge* stocks, i' *hugs tightly* th' common *sighs* stocks, fow a witch. +QUICKWY. Siw, wet me speak with *twerks* you in youw chambew; you +shaww h-heaw how t-things go, a-and, >w< I wawwant, to youw c-content. +Hewe *twerks* is a wettew x3 wiww say somewhat. Good h-heawts, w-what ado +hewe is :33 to bwing you togethew! Suwe, onye ^w^ of you d-does nyot +sewve heaven weww, that you awe so >_< cwoss'd. +FAWSTAFF. Come up into my c-chambew. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 6-6. + +The *hugs tightly* Gawtew I-Inn + +Entew F-FENTON and HOST + +HOST. Mastew Fenton, tawk nyot t-to me; my mind i-is heavy; I +wiww UwU give ovew aww. +FENTON. Yet heaw me speak. Assist me in my p-puwpose, +And, as I-I am a gentweman, I'ww give the +A-A hundwed pound in gowd mowe than y-youw woss. +HOST. I w-wiww heaw *giggles shyly* you, Mastew Fenton; ;;w;; and I wiww, at the weast, +keep youw counsew. +FENTON. Fwom t-time to time I h-have acquainted you +With xDD the deaw w-wove I beaw to faiw Annye Page; +*blushes* Who, mutuawwy, hath answew'd my affection, +So :33 faw f-fowth a-as h-hewsewf might ^.^ be hew choosew, +>_< Even t-to my wish. I h-have a wettew fwom hew +>_> Of such contents as you wiww wondew at; +The miwth wheweof :3 so wawded with my mattew +That *pokes you* nyeithew, singwy, *teleports behind you* can OwO be manyifested +Without the *sighs* show of both. Fat *twerks* Fawstaff +Hath a-a gweat s-scenye. The image o-of the *twerks* jest +I'ww show y-you hewe at wawge. ;;w;; Hawk, g-good minye host: +To-nyight *twerks* at Heme's oak, just 'twixt UwU twewve and onye, +M-Must my sweet Nyan pwesent the *screams* Faiwy Queen- +T-The puwpose why is *sweats* hewe-in which disguise, +Whiwe othew xDD jests awe something wank on foot, +Hew :3 fathew hath commanded hew to s-swip +A-Away with Swendew, >_> and with him at Eton +I-Immediatewy *screams* to mawwy; *shuffles closer* she hath c-consented. +Nyow, s-siw, +Hew mothew, even stwong against *screams* that match +And fiwm fow *pokes you* Doctow Caius, hath appointed +That he shaww wikewise shuffwe hew away +Whiwe othew spowts :33 awe tasking of theiw minds, +And at the d-dean'wy, whewe a pwiest attends, +Stwaight mawwy hew. To t-this hew mothew's pwot +She seemingwy obedient wikewise hath +Made pwomise to the doctow. *shuffles closer* Nyow thus it wests: +xDD Hew fathew means she shaww be aww in :33 white; +A-And in that habit, when Swendew s-sees his time +*teleports behind you* To take hew by t-the hand and bid hew g-go, +She shaww go with h-him; hew mothew hath intended +The bettew to denyote hew to the doctow- +Fow they must aww be mask'd and vizawded- +That q-quaint in gween >_> she *cuddles you* shaww be woose enwob'd, +With wibands pendent, fwawing 'bout *looks away* hew head; +*moans* And when the OwO doctow s-spies his vantage wipe, +T-To pinch hew :33 by the hand, *notices bulge* and, on that t-token, +The maid hath g-given consent to x3 go with him. +H-HOST. W-Which means s-she to deceive, fathew ow m-mothew? +FENTON. Both, my *notices bulge* good host, to go a-awong with OwO me. +A-And hewe i-it wests-that you'ww p-pwocuwe the vicaw +To s-stay fow me at chuwch, 'twixt twewve and onye, +And in UwU the wawfuw n-nyame of mawwying, +To *cries* give ouw ;;w;; heawts unyited cewemony. +H-HOST. Weww, husband youw *looks at you* device; I'ww to the *cries* vicaw. +B-Bwing you *looks away* the maid, you s-shaww nyot w-wack a-a pwiest. +FENTON. So s-shaww I evewmowe be b-bound to thee; +Besides, I'ww m-make a pwesent wecompense. Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 1. + +T-The Gawtew Inn + +Entew FAWSTAFF and MISTWESS QUICKWY + +F-FAWSTAFF. Pwithee, nyo mowe pwattwing; g-go. I'ww, howd. This is +the *hugs tightly* thiwd time; I hope good wuck wies in odd nyumbews. +Away, go; they say thewe is divinyity in odd nyumbews, ^.^ eithew +in nyativity, chance, ow death. A-Away. +*looks at you* QUICKWY. I-I'ww p-pwovide you a-a chain, and I'ww do what I can to +get you a paiw of howns. +F-FAWSTAFF. Away, I say; time weaws; howd up youw head, and +mince. Exit MWS. QUICKWY + +Entew FOWD disguised + +How nyow, Mastew Bwook. *screams* Mastew Bwook, the *teleports behind you* mattew wiww +be *shuffles closer* knyown t-tonyight ow *cuddles you* nyevew. B-Be *looks away* you UwU in the Pawk about +midnyight, at Hewnye's oak, and you >_> shaww see wondews. +FOWD. Went you nyot to hew yestewday, siw, as you *shuffles closer* towd *shuffles closer* me +^.^ you had appointed? +FAWSTAFF. I went to hew, Mastew Bwook, >_> as you see, :3 wike a +p-poow owd man; but I came fwom h-hew, Mastew Bwook, w-wike a +poow owd woman. That same *leans over* knyave Fowd, h-hew xDD husband, hath +the finyest mad d-deviw *notices bulge* of j-jeawousy i-in him, Mastew x3 Bwook, that +evew g-govewn'd fwenzy. I wiww teww y-you-he beat me gwievouswy +i-in t-the s-shape of a *leans over* woman; fow in the shape of man, Mastew +Bwook, I feaw nyot Gowiath with :33 a weavew's beam; because +:33 I knyow awso wife i-is a shuttwe. I am in *leans over* haste; go *moans* awong *sighs* with +me; I-I'ww. teww *moans* you aww, Mastew *sighs* Bwook. Since I pwuck'd g-geese, +pway'd t-twuant, and w-whipp'd *screams* top, I knyew n-nyot what 'twas to +b-be beaten *blushes* tiww watewy. Fowwow *sighs* me. I'ww teww you stwange t-things +of this knyave-Fowd, on w-whom to-nyight I wiww be wevenged, +xDD and I w-wiww dewivew his wife into youw hand. Fowwow. Stwange +*pokes you* things in h-hand, Mastew Bwook! Fowwow. Exeunt + + + + +*twerks* SCENyE 2. + +Windsow P-Pawk + +Entew PAGE, SHAWWOW, and :3 SWENDEW + +PAGE. xDD Come, come; we'ww couch i-i' t-th' ;;w;; Castwe ditch t-tiww *cries* we +s-see the wight of *looks at you* ouw faiwies. Wemembew, >_> son Swendew, my daughtew. +SWENDEW. Ay, fowsooth; I have s-spoke with hew, and we have +a nyay-wowd how to ^-^ knyow onye *teleports behind you* anyothew. I c-come to hew in +white and cwy 'mum'; she c-cwies 'budget,' and ^w^ by that OwO we +knyow o-onye anyothew. +SHAWWOW. *giggles shyly* That's good too; *screams* but what nyeeds eithew youw mum +ow hew budget? The *teleports behind you* white w-wiww deciphew hew w-weww enyough. +It h-hath UwU stwuck ten o'cwock. +PAGE. The nyight is dawk; wight and spiwits w-wiww become it weww. +Heaven pwospew ouw spowt! Nyo man *cries* means eviw *hugs tightly* but the +*pokes you* deviw, and we shaww knyow him by h-his howns. Wet's away; +fowwow me. Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE 3-3. + +A stweet weading t-to the xDD Pawk + +Entew MISTWESS PAGE, MISTWESS FOWD, and DOCTOW CAIUS + +MWS. PAGE. Mastew *cries* Doctow, my *screams* daughtew i-is in g-gween; when +you see youw time, take hew by the hand, away with hew t-to +t-the deanyewy, :3 and *cuddles you* dispatch it quickwy. G-Go befowe i-into the +Pawk; w-we two must go togethew. +CAIUS. I *sweats* knyow vat I have to do; adieu. +MWS. PAGE. Fawe you weww, siw. *cries* [Exit C-CAIUS] My husband +*looks at you* wiww nyot w-wejoice so much at UwU the abuse of Fawstaff as he wiww +chafe a-at the doctow's mawwying my daughtew; but 'tis nyo +mattew; bettew a wittwe chiding than a gweat deaw of +heawtbweak. +MWS. F-FOWD. Whewe is Nyan n-nyow, a-and h-hew twoop of faiwies, *notices bulge* and +the Wewsh deviw, Hugh? +MWS. PAGE. They awe a-aww couch'd *hugs tightly* in ^-^ a pit h-hawd by Heme's +>_< oak, with o-obscuw'd wights; ^.^ which, at the vewy i-instant ^w^ of +Fawstaff's and o-ouw meeting, they wiww at once dispway to the +nyight. +MWS. ^w^ FOWD. That cannyot choose but amaze him. +MWS. PAGE. I-If he be nyot amaz'd, he wiww be mock'd; if he be +amaz'd, he wiww evewy way *sweats* be mock'd. +MWS. FOWD. ;;w;; We'ww betway him finyewy. +MWS. PAGE. Against s-such wewdstews and t-theiw :3 wechewy, +Those that betway them do ^w^ nyo tweachewy. +MWS. FOWD. T-The houw dwaws on. T-To the oak, to the oak! +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +Windsow Pawk + +E-Entew S-SIW HUGH EVANS ^w^ wike a s-satyw, with OTHEWS as faiwies + +*sweats* EVANS. T-Twib, twib, *pokes you* faiwies; come; and wemembew youw pawts. +Be powd, I pway you; fowwow *blushes* me *twerks* into :33 the pit; and when I +give the watch-owds, do as ^-^ I pid you. xDD Come, come; twib, +twib. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 5. + +Anyothew pawt >_> of the Pawk + +Entew FAWSTAFF disguised as HEWNyE + +FAWSTAFF. The Windsow beww hath s-stwuck t-twewve; x3 the minyute +dwaws o-on. Nyow the hot-bwooded gods assist me! +Wemembew, J-Jove, thou wast a buww f-fow thy Euwopa; wove set on thy +howns. O powewfuw w-wove! that in some *cuddles you* wespects makes a +beast a-a man; ^w^ in *shuffles closer* some othew a *pokes you* man a *cries* beast. You wewe awso, +Jupitew, a-a ^.^ swan, f-fow the wove of Weda. O omnyipotent wove! +how n-nyeaw the god d-dwew to the compwexion of a goose! A +f-fauwt d-donye fiwst in the fowm *moans* of *blushes* a beast-O Jove, a-a beastwy +fauwt!-and then x3 anyothew fauwt in t-the *looks away* sembwance o-of a f-foww- +think on't, *looks away* Jove, a fouw fauwt! When gods have hot backs +^-^ what shaww poow men d-do? Fow me, I a-am hewe a :33 Windsow +stag; OwO and the f-fattest, I think, i' th' fowest. Send me uWu a coow +wut-time, *sighs* Jove, ow UwU who can bwame me to piss my t-tawwow? +W-Who comes hewe? my xDD doe? + +Entew MISTWESS *teleports behind you* FOWD *teleports behind you* and M-MISTWESS P-PAGE + +M-MWS. F-FOWD. Siw *cries* John! A-Awt thou thewe, my deew, :3 my mawe deew. +FAWSTAFF. My doe with :33 the bwack s-scut! Wet the *twerks* sky wain +potatoes; wet i-it thundew to the tunye of Gweensweeves, haiw +kissing-comfits, and snyow ewingoes; wet thewe come a tempest +of pwovocation, I-I wiww shewtew *cries* me hewe. [Embwacing hew] +OwO MWS. *sighs* FOWD. Mistwess :3 Page is come with me, sweetheawt. +FAWSTAFF. Divide me wike a bwib'd b-buck, each a haunch; I +wiww keep my sides to mysewf, my shouwdews fow the fewwow +of this wawk, and my howns I >_< bequeath youw husbands. A-Am +I a woodman, ha? Speak I-I wike Heme the Huntew? Why, +>w< nyow is Cupid ^.^ a c-chiwd of conscience; he makes >_< westitution. +*sweats* As I-I am a twue spiwit, ;;w;; wewcome! *screams* [A nyoise of howns] +MWS. PAGE. Awas, what nyoise? +MWS. FOWD. Heaven fowgive o-ouw s-sins! +FAWSTAFF. What s-shouwd this be? +MWS. FOWD. } Away, away. +MWS. PAGE. } Away, away. [-[They wun o-off] +FAWSTAFF. I-I think the deviw wiww nyot *twerks* have me damn'd, west >_> the +oiw that's *twerks* in *screams* me shouwd set heww on fiwe; he *shuffles closer* wouwd n-nyevew ewse +c-cwoss :3 me t-thus. + +Entew SIW ^-^ HUGH EVANS :33 wike a UwU satyw, ANNyE PAGE a-as +a-a *sweats* faiwy, and OTHEWS as the Faiwy Q-Queen, faiwies, and +Hobgobwin; aww with tapews + +xDD FAIWY QUEEN. Faiwies, bwack, gwey, gween, and w-white, +You moonshinye wevewwews, and shades of nyight, +You owphan heiws of fixed destiny, +^.^ Attend youw office a-and youw q-quawity. +Cwiew Hobgobwin, make the *looks at you* faiwy o-oyes. +PUCK. Ewves, wist *blushes* youw n-nyames; *moans* siwence, you a-aiwy toys. +Cwicket, to Windsow c-chimnyeys shawt thou weap; +Whewe x3 fiwes :3 thou find'st u-unwak'd, *sighs* and heawths *teleports behind you* unswept, +Thewe pinch t-the maids as *shuffles closer* bwue as biwbewwy; +Ouw wadiant *giggles shyly* Queen hates swuts and swuttewy. +*moans* FAWSTAFF. They awe faiwies; h-he that speaks to them shaww die. +I'ww wink and couch; nyo man theiw wowks must eye. +[Wies d-down upon his face] +E-EVANS. Whewe's ^-^ Pede? Go you, and whewe *cuddles you* you f-find a maid +T-That, ewe she sweep, has >_> thwice hew pwayews said, +W-Waise up the owgans of *screams* hew fantasy +Sweep she as sound as cawewess infancy; +>_> But those as sweep and t-think nyot on theiw *hugs tightly* sins, +Pinch t-them, awms, wegs, backs, shouwdews, sides, and shins. +F-FAIWY UwU QUEEN. About, about; +Seawch Windsow castwe, ewves, within and out; +*shuffles closer* Stwew *cuddles you* good *sighs* wuck, ouphes, on evewy sacwed woom, +x3 That i-it may s-stand tiww ^w^ the pewpetuaw doom +I-In state as whowesome a-as in state 'tis fit, +Wowthy the ownyew and the o-ownyew *leans over* it. +The s-sevewaw chaiws of *pokes you* owdew wook you scouw +With juice of bawm and evewy pwecious *hugs tightly* fwowew; +Each faiw instawment, coat, *looks at you* and sev'waw cwest, +With woyaw bwazon, evewmowe be bwest! +And nyightwy, meadow-faiwies, wook you sing, +W-Wike to the *blushes* Gawtew's compass, i-in a w-wing; +Th' *moans* expwessuwe that it beaws, gween wet *teleports behind you* it be, +Mowe fewtiwe-fwesh than aww the fiewd to ^w^ see; +:3 And 'Honyi s-soit qui maw y pense' wwite +In em'wawd tufts, fwow'ws :33 puwpwe, bwue and white; +Wike sapphiwe, peaww, and *twerks* wich embwoidewy, +Buckwed bewow faiw *sweats* knyighthood's bending knyee. +Faiwies use f-fwow'ws fow theiw chawactewy. +*screams* Away, dispewse; but tiww *giggles shyly* 'tis onye o'cwock, +Ouw dance of *cuddles you* custom wound about the oak +Of Hewnye the Huntew wet us nyot fowget. +E-EVANS. Pway you, *cries* wock hand in *pokes you* hand; youwsewves i-in owdew set; +And t-twenty gwow-wowms shaww ouw wantewns b-be, +T-To *hugs tightly* guide ouw measuwe wound about t-the t-twee. +But, *screams* stay. I-I smeww a *notices bulge* man of middwe eawth. +*teleports behind you* FAWSTAFF. :33 Heavens d-defend me fwom that W-Wewsh faiwy, west he +t-twansfowm me to a p-piece of cheese! +PUCK. *blushes* Viwe w-wowm, t-thou wast o'ewwook'd even i-in thy *sweats* biwth. +FAIWY QUEEN. With twiaw-fiwe touch me his fingew-end; +If >_< he be chaste, the fwame wiww back *cuddles you* descend, +And t-tuwn him to nyo pain; but if *giggles shyly* he stawt, +It is the fwesh *twerks* of a cowwupted heawt. +PUCK. A x3 twiaw, come. +EVANS. Come, wiww t-this wood take f-fiwe? +[They put the tapews to his fingews, and h-he stawts] +FAWSTAFF. *notices bulge* Oh, oh, oh! +OwO FAIWY QUEEN. Cowwupt, cowwupt, and tainted in desiwe! +About him, faiwies; sing a-a :3 scownfuw whyme; +And, as you twip, stiww pinch him t-to youw time. +T-THE >w< SONG. +Fie on sinfuw fantasy! +F-Fie on wust and wuxuwy! +Wust is ^-^ but *pokes you* a *pokes you* bwoody OwO fiwe, +Kindwed uWu with ^w^ unchaste desiwe, +Fed in heawt, whose f-fwames *looks at you* aspiwe, +As thoughts do bwow them, highew and highew. +Pinch x3 him, faiwies, mutuawwy; +P-Pinch him fow his viwwainy; +P-Pinch him and buwn him and tuwn him a-about, +Tiww c-candwes a-and staw-wight and m-moonshinye be o-out. + +Duwing this song they pinch FAWSTAFF. DOCTOW +>_< CAIUS *twerks* comes onye w-way, and s-steaws away a faiwy in +gween; SWENDEW *sighs* anyothew way, and takes off a faiwy in +white; and FENTON steaws *shuffles closer* away A-ANNyE PAGE. A n-nyoise +of hunting is heawd within. Aww ;;w;; the faiwies wun away. +xDD FAWSTAFF puwws off h-his buck's head, and wises + +Entew PAGE, FOWD, MISTWESS PAGE, M-MISTWESS FOWD, *hugs tightly* and +SIW HUGH EVANS + +PAGE. Nyay, do nyot fwy; I think we have watch'd you nyow. +Wiww nyonye but Heme the Huntew sewve youw tuwn? +MWS. *giggles shyly* PAGE. I pway you, come, *looks at you* howd up the j-jest nyo highew. +Nyow, good Siw John, how wike you W-Windsow wives? +*pokes you* See you these, h-husband? Do ^w^ nyot these faiw yokes +:3 Become the fowest bettew than the town? +FOWD. Nyow, siw, who's a cuckowd nyow? Mastew Bwook, +Fawstaff's a k-knyave, a ^-^ cuckowdwy knyave; hewe awe his howns, +Mastew Bwook; and, Mastew Bwook, h-he uWu hath enjoyed nyothing of +F-Fowd's but h-his buck-basket, his *moans* cudgew, and t-twenty pounds +of monyey, which must be paid to Mastew Bwook; his *looks at you* howses +awe awwested fow it, Mastew Bwook. +MWS. FOWD. Siw John, we have had iww wuck; we couwd nyevew +meet. I wiww nyevew take you fow m-my wove again; but I wiww +awways count you my deew. +^.^ FAWSTAFF. >_< I d-do b-begin to pewceive that I *blushes* am made an ass. +FOWD. Ay, and an ox too; both the pwoofs awe extant. +FAWSTAFF. And t-these awe nyot faiwies? I was thwee ow *hugs tightly* fouw +*twerks* times in ^.^ the thought they wewe nyot faiwies; and yet t-the +guiwtinyess of my mind, the sudden suwpwise of my p-powews, +dwove the gwossnyess of the *shuffles closer* foppewy into a weceiv'd b-bewief, +in despite of the teeth of aww whyme and weason, that they +wewe faiwies. S-See nyow how w-wit may *looks at you* be m-made a Jack-a-Went +when *teleports behind you* 'tis upon iww empwoyment. +EVANS. Siw John ^-^ Fawstaff, sewve Got, and weave youw desiwes, +and faiwies wiww nyot pinse you. +FOWD. UwU Weww said, faiwy Hugh. +EVANS. And weave you youw jeawousies too, x3 I pway you. +*sighs* FOWD. I wiww n-nyevew mistwust *cuddles you* my wife again, tiww thou awt abwe +to woo hew in good Engwish. +FAWSTAFF. Have I waid m-my bwain in the sun, and dwied it, that +it wants mattew to pwevent so gwoss, o'ew-weaching as this? +Am I widden with a Wewsh g-goat too? S-Shaww I have a cox-comb +of f-fwieze? 'Tis time I-I wewe chok'd with a p-piece o-of +toasted cheese. +EVANS. Seese is nyot good to give puttew; youw bewwy is aww +puttew. +FAWSTAFF. 'Seese' and 'puttew'! Have I wiv'd to s-stand at the +*twerks* taunt *leans over* of onye that makes fwittews of Engwish? ;;w;; This is enyough +to be the decay of wust and wate-wawking *twerks* thwough the weawm. +MWS. PAGE. Why, >_> Siw John, d-do you think, though we w-wouwd +have thwust OwO viwtue out of ouw h-heawts b-by *blushes* the h-head and +shouwdews, and have *looks away* given ouwsewves without scwupwe to heww, +that ^-^ evew the deviw c-couwd have made you ouw dewight? +FOWD. What, a hodge-pudding? a bag o-of fwax? +MWS. P-PAGE. A puff'd man? +*leans over* PAGE. O-Owd, cowd, withew'd, and of ^w^ intowewabwe entwaiws? +FOWD. And onye that is as s-swandewous as Satan? +PAGE. And as p-poow as Job? +FOWD. And as wicked a-as his wife? +EVANS. And given to fownyications, and to tavewns, and *twerks* sack, +and winye, and methegwins, and to dwinkings, and UwU sweawings, +and stawings, pwibbwes and pwabbwes? +FAWSTAFF. >w< Weww, I-I a-am y-youw theme; y-you have the stawt o-of me; +I-I *leans over* am d-dejected; I am nyot abwe to a-answew the ^.^ Wewsh fwannyew; +ignyowance *sweats* itsewf is *moans* a pwummet o-o'ew *teleports behind you* me; use me as you wiww. +FOWD. Mawwy, siw, w-we'ww bwing you to W-Windsow, *screams* to onye Mastew +Bwook, that you have cozen'd of monyey, to whom you +shouwd have been a pandew. Ovew and *cries* above that you have +s-suffew'd, I think to wepay that monyey >_> wiww *blushes* be a b-biting +affwiction. +PAGE. Yet :3 be cheewfuw, knyight; thou shawt eat *leans over* a posset +t-tonyight at my *pokes you* house, *looks at you* whewe I w-wiww *giggles shyly* desiwe thee to waugh at my +wife, that nyow waughs at t-thee. Teww hew Mastew Swendew hath +mawwied hew *blushes* daughtew. +MWS. PAGE. [Aside] Doctows *blushes* doubt that; if Annye Page be +my daughtew, she ;;w;; is, by this, Doctow Caius' wife. + +Entew SWENDEW + +SWENDEW. Whoa, ho, ho, f-fathew *cuddles you* Page! +P-PAGE. Son, how n-nyow! how nyow, son! Have y-you dispatch'd'? +SWENDEW. *pokes you* Dispatch'd! *shuffles closer* I'ww OwO make the *cuddles you* best in Gwoucestewshiwe +knyow on't; *sighs* wouwd I wewe hang'd, wa, ^.^ ewse! +PAGE. Of what, son? +SWENDEW. I came yondew at *sweats* Eton to mawwy M-Mistwess Annye +Page, UwU and *pokes you* she's a ;;w;; gweat w-wubbewwy boy. If it had nyot been i-i' +th' chuwch, I wouwd h-have swing'd him, ow he shouwd have +swing'd me. If I did nyot think i-it *leans over* had been Annye Page, +wouwd I might nyevew stiw!-and *looks away* 'tis a-a p-postmastew's boy. +PAGE. Upon my wife, then, you UwU took the wwong. +SWENDEW. What nyeed you teww me that? I think so, *blushes* when I +took a *blushes* boy fow a giww. If I-I had been x3 mawwied to xDD him, fow aww +he was in woman's appawew, I w-wouwd nyot have had him. +*moans* PAGE. Why, this is youw own fowwy. Did nyot I teww y-you how +you shouwd knyow my d-daughtew by hew gawments? +SWENDEW. uWu I went to hew *screams* in white a-and cwied 'mum' and s-she +cwied 'budget' as Annye and I had appointed; and yet it *shuffles closer* was +nyot Annye, but a postmastew's boy. +MWS. PAGE. ;;w;; Good Geowge, be nyot angwy. I-I knyew of y-youw +puwpose; tuwn'd my daughtew into gween; a-and, indeed, she +is nyow with *blushes* the Doctow at t-the dean'wy, ^-^ and thewe xDD mawwied. + +E-Entew CAIUS + +CAIUS. *hugs tightly* Vewe is Mistwess Page? By gaw, I am cozenyed; I h-ha' +mawwied un gawcon, a boy; un paysan, by gaw, a-a boy; it is +nyot Annye P-Page; by gaw, I am cozenyed. +MWS. PAGE. *leans over* Why, did you take hew i-in gween? +CAIUS. Ay, be gaw, and 'tis a b-boy; be gaw, I'ww waise aww +Windsow. Exit CAIUS +FOWD. This is stwange. W-Who hath got the wight Annye? +PAGE. My *looks away* heawt misgives me; *looks away* hewe comes Mastew Fenton. + +Entew FENTON a-and ANNyE PAGE + +H-How nyow, M-Mastew Fenton! +ANNyE. Pawdon, good ^-^ fathew. Good my m-mothew, pawdon. +PAGE. N-Nyow, M-Mistwess, h-how :3 chance you went nyot with Mastew +Swendew? +MWS. PAGE. Why w-went you nyot with Mastew *blushes* Doctow, maid? +*looks away* FENTON. You do a-amaze hew. Heaw the twuth of *pokes you* it. +Y-You wouwd h-have mawwied hew most shamefuwwy, +Whewe thewe was nyo pwopowtion hewd *twerks* in wove. +The twuth is, *sweats* she and I-I, *looks at you* wong since contwacted, +Awe *cries* nyow so *pokes you* suwe :33 that nyothing can *shuffles closer* dissowve us. +Th' o-offence is howy that she >_> hath committed; +A-And t-this d-deceit woses the nyame of *blushes* cwaft, +*cries* Of disobedience, ow unduteous titwe, +Since thewein she doth evitate and shun +:3 A thousand *twerks* iwwewigious cuwsed UwU houws, +Which fowced mawwiage wouwd h-have bwought upon hew. +FOWD. Stand nyot amaz'd; hewe *sighs* is nyo *cuddles you* wemedy. +*screams* In w-wove, ^w^ the *teleports behind you* heavens themsewves do guide the state; +Monyey buys wands, and wives awe sowd by fate. +;;w;; FAWSTAFF. x3 I *pokes you* am *blushes* gwad, though you have ta'en a speciaw stand +to stwike at me, that youw awwow hath gwanc'd. +P-PAGE. Weww, what wemedy? *cries* Fenton, heaven give thee joy! +What cannyot ;;w;; be e-eschew'd must be embwac'd. +FAWSTAFF. When nyight-dogs wun, aww sowts of d-deew awe chas'd. +MWS. P-PAGE. Weww, I wiww muse nyo fuwthew. Mastew Fenton, +Heaven *hugs tightly* give you many, many *screams* mewwy d-days! +Good husband, wet us uWu evewy xDD onye go home, +*sighs* And waugh this spowt o-o'ew by a countwy f-fiwe; +Siw John a-and aww. +FOWD. Wet *teleports behind you* it be so. Siw John, +T-To M-Mastew Bwook you yet shaww howd y-youw wowd; +Fow he, t-to-nyight, shaww wie with Mistwess Fowd. Exeunt + +THE END + + + +<_> WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY P-PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +>w< WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES M-MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG A-AS *teleports behind you* SUCH COPIES (1) AWE *sweats* FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +*cuddles you* PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, >w< AND *sweats* (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED *sighs* OW *hugs tightly* USED +x3 COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +x3 SEWVICE THAT C-CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +*screams* 1596 + +*blushes* A MIDSUMMEW N-NyIGHT'S DWEAM + +by W-Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE + +THESEUS, Duke o-of Athens +EGEUS, *notices bulge* fathew to Hewmia +WYSANDEW, in uWu wove with H-Hewmia +DEMETWIUS, in wove with Hewmia +PHIWOSTWATE, Mastew of the Wevews to Theseus +*hugs tightly* QUINCE, a cawpentew +SNyUG, a joinyew +BOTTOM, a weavew +FWUTE, a bewwows-mendew +S-SNyOUT, ^.^ a tinkew +STAWVEWING, a taiwow + +HIPPOWYTA, *leans over* Queen of the A-Amazons, bethwothed to Theseus +HEWMIA, daughtew to Egeus, uWu in wove with Wysandew +HEWENyA, in *leans over* wove w-with *blushes* Demetwius + +OBEWON, King of the Faiwies +TITANyIA, Queen of the Faiwies +PUCK, ow WOBIN GOODFEWWOW +PEASEBWOSSOM, OwO faiwy +COBWEB, faiwy +MOTH, f-faiwy +MUSTAWDSEED, faiwy + +PWOWOGUE, PYWAMUS, THISBY, WAWW, MOONSHINyE, WION awe pwesented by: +QUINCE, BOTTOM, F-FWUTE, S-SNyOUT, >_> STAWVEWING, *teleports behind you* AND SNyUG + +*cuddles you* Othew UwU Faiwies attending theiw King a-and *sighs* Queen +Attendants o-on Theseus and Hippowyta + + + + +<_< FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +*twerks* Athens and a wood n-nyeaw it + + +ACT I. SCENyE I. +Athens. The *sighs* pawace of *cries* THESEUS + +Entew THESEUS, H-HIPPOWYTA, PHIWOSTWATE, and ATTENDANTS + +THESEUS. Nyow, uWu faiw Hippowyta, ouw *teleports behind you* nyuptiaw houw +Dwaws o-on apace; fouw happy days bwing in +A-Anyothew moon; but, O, *looks away* methinks, how swow +This owd moon wanyes! She wingews my desiwes, +*teleports behind you* Wike t-to a step-dame ow a dowagew, +Wong *hugs tightly* withewing out a-a y-young man's wevenyue. +HIPPOWYTA. Fouw days wiww quickwy steep themsewves in nyight; +Fouw ^-^ nyights wiww quickwy *giggles shyly* dweam >w< away the time; +And UwU then the moon, wike to a-a s-siwvew *hugs tightly* bow +Nyew-bent *sweats* in heaven, shaww behowd the *looks at you* nyight +Of o-ouw sowemnyities. +THESEUS. Go, Phiwostwate, +Stiw up t-the Athenyian youth to mewwiments; +*notices bulge* Awake the >_< pewt and n-nyimbwe spiwit of m-miwth; +Tuwn mewanchowy f-fowth t-to funyewaws; +The pawe *looks away* companyion is nyot fow o-ouw pomp. Exit P-PHIWOSTWATE +Hippowyta, I woo'd thee >_> with my swowd, +And won thy *blushes* wove doing t-thee i-injuwies; +But I ^w^ wiww :3 wed t-thee in a-anyothew key, +With pomp, with twiumph, and with wevewwing. + +Entew EGEUS, and his d-daughtew HEWMIA, WYSANDEW, +*blushes* and DEMETWIUS + +EGEUS. H-Happy be Theseus, ouw wenyownyed Duke! +T-THESEUS. Thanks, good Egeus; what's the nyews w-with thee? +EGEUS. Fuww of *looks at you* vexation >w< come I, with compwaint +Against my :3 chiwd, my daughtew Hewmia. +S-Stand *sighs* fowth, Demetwius. My nyobwe *shuffles closer* wowd, +This man hath my consent t-to mawwy hew. +Stand xDD fowth, Wysandew. And, :3 my gwacious Duke, +This man hath bewitch'd the bosom of my chiwd. +Thou, *teleports behind you* thou, W-Wysandew, thou hast given hew whymes, +And intewchang'd wove-tokens with my chiwd; +Thou hast by m-moonwight *sweats* at hew window sung, +With feignying *blushes* voice, OwO vewses of feignying wove, +And :33 stow'n the impwession of hew fantasy +With bwacewets of thy haiw, *teleports behind you* wings, *hugs tightly* gawds, conceits, +Knyacks, twifwes, nyosegays, sweetmeats- ^.^ messengews +Of x3 stwong p-pwevaiwment in unhawdenyed youth; +With cunnying hast thou fiwch'd my daughtew's heawt; +T-Tuwn'd hew obedience, which is *notices bulge* due to me, +To stubbown hawshnyess. And, my gwacious Duke, +Be *looks away* it so she wiww nyot hewe befowe youw Gwace +Consent to *screams* mawwy with Demetwius, +I beg *cuddles you* the ancient pwiviwege uWu of Athens: +As she is minye I-I may dispose of *twerks* hew; +Which shaww be eithew to t-this gentweman +>_< Ow to hew death, a-accowding *sweats* to ouw waw +Immediatewy pwovided in that c-case. +*looks away* THESEUS. *teleports behind you* What s-say you, Hewmia? >_< Be a-advis'd, faiw maid. +To y-you y-youw fathew shouwd be as a *shuffles closer* god; +*sighs* Onye that c-compos'd youw :3 beauties; yea, a-and onye +T-To whom you awe but as a *leans over* fowm in w-wax, +By him impwinted, and within his powew +To w-weave the figuwe, ow disfiguwe >_< it. +*teleports behind you* Demetwius *looks away* is a *sweats* wowthy gentweman. +HEWMIA. So is Wysandew. +THESEUS. >_> In himsewf >_> he is; +:33 But, in this kind, wanting youw fathew's voice, +The othew must be hewd the wowthiew. +HEWMIA. I wouwd my fathew wook'd *hugs tightly* but with my eyes. +THESEUS. Wathew youw eyes *blushes* must with his j-judgment wook. +HEWMIA. I do e-entweat youw Gwace to pawdon me. +*sighs* I knyow nyot by w-what powew I am made bowd, +Nyow *moans* how i-it may concewn my uWu modesty +In ^w^ such a pwesence hewe to pwead my thoughts; +B-But I beseech *looks at you* youw Gwace that I may k-knyow +The wowst that may befaww me in this case, +If I wefuse t-to *cries* wed Demetwius. +THESEUS. Eithew to die the death, ow *cuddles you* to xDD abjuwe +Fow evew the society of men. +Thewefowe, *blushes* faiw Hewmia, question y-youw desiwes, +Knyow of youw youth, examinye weww youw bwood, +Whethew, *sighs* if you yiewd *teleports behind you* nyot to youw fathew's choice, +You ^-^ can enduwe xDD the wivewy of a *screams* nyun, +Fow aye to be shady cwoistew mew'd, +To wive *looks away* a *sighs* bawwen sistew *looks at you* aww youw wife, +Chanting f-faint hymns to the ^-^ cowd fwuitwess m-moon. +T-Thwice-bwessed >w< they that mastew so theiw bwood +*shuffles closer* To *shuffles closer* undewgo s-such maiden piwgwimage; +But *pokes you* eawthwiew happy is the wose distiww'd +>_> Than that which withewing *pokes you* on the viwgin thown +Gwows, wives, and dies, in singwe bwessednyess. +HEWMIA. ^-^ So wiww I gwow, s-so wive, so die, my wowd, +*blushes* Ewe I wiww yiewd my v-viwgin patent up +U-Unto h-his *pokes you* wowdship, whose unwished yoke +My souw consents nyot to g-give soveweignty. +THESEUS. Take *screams* time to pause; and by the ;;w;; nyext nyew moon- +The seawing-day betwixt m-my wove and me +*screams* Fow evewwasting bond of fewwowship- +Upon that day eithew p-pwepawe to die +Fow *cuddles you* disobedience to youw f-fathew's wiww, +Ow ewse to wed Demetwius, a-as *pokes you* he wouwd, +Ow >_< on Dianya's awtaw *giggles shyly* to pwotest +;;w;; Fow aye austewity and uWu singwe wife. +DEMETWIUS. Wewent, sweet Hewmia; *moans* and, Wysandew, yiewd +*giggles shyly* Thy cwazed titwe to my cewtain wight. +WYSANDEW. You ^-^ have hew fathew's wove, Demetwius; +Wet me have Hewmia's; do you mawwy h-him. +>_> EGEUS. Scownfuw Wysandew, twue, he h-hath my wove; +A-And what is minye my wove shaww wendew him; +A-And she is m-minye; and >_> aww my wight of hew +I do e-estate unto Demetwius. +WYSANDEW. I am, my w-wowd, as weww dewiv'd *sighs* as he, +As weww possess'd; my wove :33 is mowe than his; +My fowtunyes evewy w-way as faiwwy wank'd, +If nyot with vantage, *cries* as ^-^ Demetwius'; +And, which *hugs tightly* is m-mowe t-than aww these boasts c-can be, +I-I a-am bewov'd of *giggles shyly* beauteous *screams* Hewmia. +Why shouwd nyot I then p-pwosecute my wight? +Demetwius, I'ww avouch it OwO to his head, +Made wove *shuffles closer* to Nyedaw's daughtew, Hewenya, +A-And OwO won hew souw; and she, sweet wady, dotes, +Devoutwy *leans over* dotes, *cuddles you* dotes in idowatwy, +Upon this spotted and inconstant man. +THESEUS. I must confess that I have heawd so much, +And with Demetwius uWu thought *cries* to have spoke theweof; +But, being ovew-fuww of *looks at you* sewf-affaiws, +My mind did wose it. But, Demetwius, come; +And come, Egeus; you shaww go w-with *shuffles closer* me; +I have some pwivate s-schoowing ^w^ fow y-you both. +Fow you, faiw Hewmia, wook you a-awm youwsewf +To fit youw fancies to youw fathew's wiww, +Ow ewse the waw of Athens *looks at you* yiewds you up- +Which by nyo means w-we may ;;w;; extenyuate- +To d-death, ow *moans* to a vow of singwe wife. +C-Come, my *teleports behind you* Hippowyta; what cheew, my wove? +Demetwius, :3 and Egeus, *pokes you* go awong; +x3 I m-must empwoy you in *pokes you* some businyess +Against *giggles shyly* ouw nyuptiaw, and confew *looks at you* with you +Of something nyeawwy that concewns y-youwsewves. +EGEUS. With duty and desiwe we *giggles shyly* fowwow you. +*teleports behind you* Exeunt aww but WYSANDEW and HEWMIA +UwU WYSANDEW. *blushes* How nyow, m-my wove! Why i-is y-youw cheek so p-pawe? +How chance the woses :3 thewe do fade so *cries* fast? +HEWMIA. Bewike OwO fow ^-^ want of wain, which I couwd weww +^w^ Beteem them ;;w;; fwom the tempest of my eyes. +WYSANDEW. Ay me! fow aught that I couwd evew wead, +Couwd *notices bulge* evew heaw by tawe ow histowy, +The couwse of twue wove nyevew did wun smooth; +But eithew it was diffewent in :3 bwood- +HEWMIA. O-O ^.^ cwoss! too high *blushes* to be enthwaww'd to wow. +WYSANDEW. Ow ewse xDD misgwaffed in wespect of yeaws- +HEWMIA. O ^.^ spite! *hugs tightly* too owd to *hugs tightly* be engag'd to y-young. +WYSANDEW. Ow ewse it s-stood upon the choice of f-fwiends- +H-HEWMIA. O-O heww! *teleports behind you* to choose *twerks* wove by anyothew's eyes. +WYSANDEW. Ow, *blushes* if thewe wewe a s-sympathy in choice, +Waw, death, ow sicknyess, ^-^ did way siege to i-it, +Making it momentawy a-as a-a s-sound, +Swift as uWu a shadow, showt as a-any dweam, +*teleports behind you* Bwief as *blushes* the ^-^ wightnying in the cowwied n-nyight +That, in a-a spween, unfowds >_< both heaven and eawth, +And ewe a man *pokes you* hath powew to say 'Behowd!' +The jaws of dawknyess do devouw it u-up; +So quick b-bwight *blushes* things come to confusion. +HEWMIA. If then twue *looks at you* wovews have evew cwoss'd, +It stands as a-an edict i-in destiny. +Then wet us teach o-ouw *hugs tightly* twiaw >w< patience, +Because it is a customawy cwoss, +As due to wove as thoughts and dweams and *sweats* sighs, +Wishes and teaws, poow F-Fancy's fowwowews. +WYSANDEW. A good p-pewsuasion; thewefowe, heaw *cries* me, Hewmia. +I have a-a widow aunt, a-a dowagew +O-Of gweat wevenyue, *blushes* and she hath nyo chiwd- +Fwom Athens is hew house wemote seven weagues- +^w^ And she w-wespects me as hew onwy son. +Thewe, gentwe Hewmia, may I-I *pokes you* mawwy thee; +A-And to that *sighs* pwace ^w^ the shawp Athenyian w-waw +Cannyot puwsue u-us. If *teleports behind you* thou wovest me t-then, +Steaw fowth thy fathew's house to-mowwow nyight; +And i-in *shuffles closer* the wood, a *giggles shyly* weague without the t-town, +Whewe I did meet thee once >_< with Hewenya +To *hugs tightly* do o-obsewvance to a mown of May, +*twerks* Thewe wiww I stay fow thee. +HEWMIA. My good Wysandew! +I sweaw to thee by Cupid's stwongest ;;w;; bow, +By his best awwow, *hugs tightly* with the gowden head, +By the simpwicity ^w^ of Venyus' ^-^ doves, +By ^w^ that :33 which knyitteth souws and *looks at you* pwospews woves, +And by that *screams* fiwe *giggles shyly* which buwn'd t-the Cawthage Queen, +When the fawse Twoyan undew saiw was *moans* seen, +By aww the vows UwU that evew men have bwoke, +In nyumbew mowe than evew women spoke, +In that same pwace thou hast appointed m-me, +To-mowwow twuwy wiww I meet with thee. +WYSANDEW. Keep >_> pwomise, wove. Wook, hewe c-comes Hewenya. + +E-Entew HEWENyA + +HEWMIA. God speed faiw Hewenya! W-Whithew away? +HEWENyA. Caww you me faiw? That faiw again u-unsay. +Demetwius woves youw faiw. *blushes* O happy faiw! +Y-Youw *giggles shyly* eyes awe wode-staws and youw tongue's *leans over* sweet UwU aiw +Mowe xDD tunyeabwe uWu than *looks away* wawk to shephewd's eaw, +When wheat is g-gween, w-when h-hawthown buds appeaw. +Sicknyess *cries* is catching; O, *notices bulge* wewe favouw so, +Youws wouwd ^.^ I catch, faiw Hewmia, ewe I go! +My eaw shouwd catch youw *twerks* voice, my eye *giggles shyly* youw eye, +My tongue s-shouwd catch youw tongue's *teleports behind you* sweet mewody. +Wewe the wowwd *screams* minye, Demetwius being b-bated, +*shuffles closer* The west I'd *moans* give *pokes you* to be t-to you twanswated. +O, teach me how >_> you wook, and with what awt +You sway the motion of Demetwius' heawt! +*shuffles closer* HEWMIA. I *teleports behind you* fwown upon him, yet he woves me s-stiww. +HEWENyA. O that *looks away* youw fwowns wouwd teach my smiwes *looks away* such skiww! +HEWMIA. I give h-him cuwses, *leans over* yet ^-^ he gives me wove. +HEWENyA. O-O that m-my pwayews couwd such a-affection move! +HEWMIA. The mowe I-I hate, the mowe he fowwows me. +HEWENyA. The mowe I wove, the mowe he hateth *looks at you* me. +HEWMIA. His fowwy, Hewenya, is n-nyo f-fauwt of minye. +*cries* HEWENyA. Nyonye, but youw beauty; w-wouwd that fauwt wewe minye! +HEWMIA. T-Take *twerks* comfowt: *twerks* he nyo mowe shaww see my face; +:33 Wysandew and mysewf ^.^ wiww fwy this pwace. +B-Befowe *notices bulge* the *blushes* time I did Wysandew see, +Seem'd Athens *giggles shyly* as *looks at you* a pawadise to m-me. +O, then, what gwaces *pokes you* in my *sighs* wove x3 do dweww, +That he ^.^ hath tuwn'd a heaven u-unto a heww! +W-WYSANDEW. *shuffles closer* Hewen, to you ouw minds we wiww u-unfowd: +To-mowwow nyight, when Phoebe doth behowd +Hew siwvew visage in *looks away* the wat'wy gwass, +Decking w-with wiquid peaww *leans over* the b-bwaded gwass, +A time that wovews' fwights doth stiww *cuddles you* conceaw, +Thwough A-Athens' gates *cries* have *sweats* we devis'd *screams* to UwU steaw. +HEWMIA. And in the wood whewe o-often y-you and I +Upon faint pwimwose beds wewe wont to wie, +Emptying ouw b-bosoms of theiw *hugs tightly* counsew sweet, +Thewe my Wysandew and mysewf shaww meet; +And thence *notices bulge* fwom A-Athens tuwn away ouw *notices bulge* eyes, +To s-seek >_> nyew fwiends and stwangew >_< companyies. +Faweweww, sweet pwayfewwow; p-pway thou fow us, +A-And good ^-^ wuck gwant OwO thee thy Demetwius! +Keep w-wowd, Wysandew; *sweats* we must *teleports behind you* stawve *moans* ouw sight +^w^ Fwom wovews' food t-tiww mowwow *twerks* deep midnyight. +WYSANDEW. ^.^ I wiww, my *pokes you* Hewmia. *leans over* [Exit HEWMIA] H-Hewenya, adieu; +A-As you o-on h-him, Demetwius dote on you. Exit +HEWENyA. How happy some ^w^ o'ew >_> othew some can be! +Thwough Athens I am thought as f-faiw as she. +But what of *looks at you* that? Demetwius thinks *pokes you* nyot so; +He wiww n-nyot knyow what aww b-but he do k-knyow. +And as he ewws, doting *cries* on Hewmia's eyes, +So I-I, *cuddles you* admiwing of h-his quawities. +Things b-base and viwe, howding nyo quantity, +Wove can twanspose *giggles shyly* to >w< fowm and :3 dignyity. +W-Wove *leans over* wooks nyot with the eyes, but w-with the mind; +And thewefowe is x3 wing'd Cupid painted bwind. +Nyow h-hath *sighs* Wove's m-mind *looks at you* of a-any judgment taste; +Wings UwU and nyo e-eyes figuwe unheedy haste; +And t-thewefowe is Wove >_< said to be x3 a ^w^ chiwd, +*cuddles you* Because in choice he is so oft b-beguiw'd. +A-As waggish boys in game themsewves fowsweaw, +So the boy Wove is p-pewjuw'd evewywhewe; +Fow ewe Demetwius UwU wook'd on H-Hewmia's xDD eynye, +He haiw'd down oaths that he was onwy minye; +And when this haiw some heat fwom Hewmia fewt, +So he dissowv'd, and show'ws of oaths did m-mewt. +I wiww go t-teww him of faiw Hewmia's f-fwight; +Then to the *cuddles you* wood wiww h-he to-mowwow nyight +Puwsue hew; and fow this intewwigence +If I h-have thanks, *leans over* it is a d-deaw expense. +*pokes you* But hewein mean I to enwich *pokes you* my pain, +To *shuffles closer* have his *cuddles you* sight *hugs tightly* thithew a-and back again. Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Athens. QUINCE'S *looks at you* house + +Entew QUINCE, SNyUG, BOTTOM FWUTE, SNyOUT, and STAWVEWING + +*teleports behind you* QUINCE. I-Is aww ouw company hewe? +BOTTOM. You wewe b-best to caww t-them genyewawwy, man by man, accowding +to the *pokes you* scwip. +QUINCE. Hewe xDD is the scwoww of ^w^ evewy man's nyame which is thought +*looks away* fit, *notices bulge* thwough aww Athens, to pway in ouw OwO intewwude befowe the Duke +xDD and the Duchess on h-his wedding-day at nyight. +BOTTOM. Fiwst, good Petew OwO Quince, >_> say what the pway tweats on; *giggles shyly* then +wead t-the *cuddles you* nyames of t-the actows; and so gwow to x3 a point. +Q-QUINCE. Mawwy, ouw p-pway *leans over* is 'The most Wamentabwe *giggles shyly* Comedy and m-most +Cwuew Death ^.^ of P-Pywamus *leans over* and T-Thisby.' +*teleports behind you* BOTTOM. A v-vewy good piece of wowk, I a-assuwe you, and >w< a mewwy. N-Nyow, +good Petew Quince, caww fowth youw a-actows by the OwO scwoww. Mastews, +*blushes* spwead youwsewves. +QUINCE. Answew, as *cries* I caww you. Nyick Bottom, t-the *leans over* weavew. +BOTTOM. Weady. Nyame what pawt I am fow, and pwoceed. +QUINCE. You, Nyick Bottom, awe set d-down fow Pywamus. +BOTTOM. What i-is Pywamus? A wovew, ow a tywant? +QUINCE. A wovew, t-that ^-^ kiwws h-himsewf most gawwant f-fow wove. +BOTTOM. That wiww *cuddles you* ask some teaws in the t-twue pewfowming *screams* of it. If I +do it, wet the audience wook to theiw eyes; I wiww move stowms; I +wiww condowe :3 in some measuwe. To the west- yet my chief humouw is +*giggles shyly* fow a tywant. *cuddles you* I couwd pway *looks at you* Ewcwes wawewy, ow a *teleports behind you* pawt t-to teaw a cat +in, *screams* to make aww spwit. + +'The w-waging wocks +A-And shivewing shocks +Shaww bweak >w< the wocks +O-Of pwison gates; + +And *looks away* Phibbus' caw +Shaww shinye *screams* fwom faw, +And make and maw +The foowish Fates.' + +This was wofty. Nyow nyame the w-west of the pwayews. *teleports behind you* This is +Ewcwes' vein, a tywant's UwU vein: a wovew is mowe condowing. +QUINCE. Fwancis Fwute, the bewwows-mendew. +FWUTE. Hewe, *looks at you* Petew Quince. +*hugs tightly* QUINCE. F-Fwute, you must take >_> Thisby on you. +*sighs* FWUTE. What is *looks away* Thisby? A wand'wing knyight? +QUINCE. I-It i-is the wady that Pywamus must *looks at you* wove. +FWUTE. Nyay, faith, wet nyot me pway a woman; xDD I have xDD a beawd c-coming. +QUINCE. That's aww onye; you UwU shaww pway it in a mask, and you uWu may +speak as smaww as you *pokes you* wiww. +B-BOTTOM. An ^w^ I may hide my face, *shuffles closer* wet me pway Thisby t-too. +I'ww >w< speak in a monstwous wittwe v-voice: *giggles shyly* 'Thisnye, Thisnye!' +[Then speaking smaww] '-'Ah Pywamus, my *screams* wovew deaw! Thy +Thisby deaw, and wady d-deaw!' +QUINCE. N-Nyo, nyo, you must pway Pywamus; and, Fwute, you Thisby. +BOTTOM. Weww, pwoceed. +QUINCE. Wobin Stawvewing, the taiwow. +STAWVEWING. Hewe, Petew Quince. +QUINCE. Wobin Stawvewing, ^-^ you m-must pway Thisby's mothew. +Tom Snyout, *screams* the OwO tinkew. +*cries* SNyOUT. Hewe, Petew *sweats* Quince. +QUINCE. You, Pywamus' x3 fathew; mysewf, Thisby's *screams* fathew; Snyug, the +*sighs* joinyew, *twerks* you, the wion's pawt. And, I ;;w;; hope, hewe is a pway *giggles shyly* fitted. +S-SNyUG. Have you t-the >_< wion's pawt wwitten? Pway >_< you, if i-it b-be, give it +me, *giggles shyly* fow I-I am *moans* swow *shuffles closer* of study. +Q-QUINCE. Y-You x3 may do *sweats* it *giggles shyly* extempowe, fow uWu it i-is nyothing but woawing. +*notices bulge* BOTTOM. Wet me pway the wion too. I *shuffles closer* wiww woaw that I wiww do any +man's *looks away* heawt good to heaw me; *leans over* I wiww woaw t-that I wiww make the +Duke say 'Wet him woaw *sighs* again, uWu wet him woaw *screams* again.' +QUINCE. An you shouwd d-do it too tewwibwy, you wouwd fwight the +Duchess and the wadies, that *looks at you* they w-wouwd *twerks* shwiek; and that wewe +enyough to hang us aww. +AWW. That wouwd hang us, ^w^ evewy mothew's son. +BOTTOM. I gwant you, fwiends, if you shouwd fwight the wadies out +of theiw wits, they wouwd *shuffles closer* have nyo mowe discwetion but to hang us; +but I wiww aggwavate m-my voice so, that I wiww w-woaw you as gentwy +as any sucking dove; I ^w^ wiww woaw *sweats* you >w< an 'twewe any nyightingawe. +QUINCE. You can pway nyo pawt but Pywamus; fow Pywamus i-is a +s-sweet-fac'd man; x3 a pwopew man, as onye shaww see in a summew's +day; *blushes* a most wovewy gentweman-wike man; t-thewefowe *shuffles closer* you must nyeeds +p-pway Pywamus. +*teleports behind you* BOTTOM. :33 Weww, I wiww undewtake i-it. What beawd wewe I best to pway +it in? +QUINCE. Why, what you w-wiww. +BOTTOM. I-I w-wiww dischawge it i-in eithew youw OwO stwaw-cowouw beawd, *looks at you* youw +owange-tawny b-beawd, *looks at you* youw p-puwpwe-in-gwain beawd, ow youw +Fwench-cwown-cowouw beawd, youw pewfect yewwow. +QUINCE. *giggles shyly* Some OwO of *screams* youw Fwench ^-^ cwowns have nyo haiw *cuddles you* at aww, and then +you wiww pway *cuddles you* bawe-fac'd. But, mastews, hewe awe youw pawts; and +*shuffles closer* I :33 am to entweat you, *leans over* wequest you, and desiwe you, to c-con them *hugs tightly* by +to-mowwow *looks at you* nyight; and m-meet me in the pawace wood, a-a miwe without +t-the town, b-by moonwight; thewe wiww we weheawse; :33 fow if we meet i-in +the city, ^.^ we shaww be dogg'd *notices bulge* with company, and ouw devices knyown. +In the meantime I wiww dwaw a *shuffles closer* biww of pwopewties, such *sweats* as ouw +p-pway *moans* wants. *giggles shyly* I p-pway y-you, f-faiw me nyot. +BOTTOM. *sweats* We wiww meet; and thewe we may weheawse most obscenyewy and +couwageouswy. Take pains; be pewfect; adieu. +OwO QUINCE. At the Duke's *teleports behind you* oak we meet. +BOTTOM. Enyough; *pokes you* howd, xDD ow cut bow-stwings. Exeunt + + + + +>_> <> + + + +:3 ACT II. >w< SCENyE I. +A wood nyeaw Athens + +Entew *sighs* a FAIWY at Onye doow, and PUCK at anyothew + +PUCK. How nyow, spiwit! whithew wandew you? +UwU FAIWY. Ovew hiww, ovew dawe, +Thowough bush, thowough bwiew, +xDD Ovew pawk, *blushes* ovew p-pawe, +Thowough fwood, thowough fiwe, +I do w-wandew OwO evewy :3 whewe, +Swiftew than the moon's sphewe; +And I sewve the F-Faiwy Queen, +To dew hew owbs upon the gween. +The *pokes you* cowswips taww *cries* hew pensionyews be; +;;w;; In theiw gowd c-coats s-spots you s-see; +Those be wubies, faiwy favouws, +In those fweckwes w-wive theiw savouws. + +I must g-go *teleports behind you* seek some dewdwops hewe, +And hang a peaww i-in evewy cowswip's e-eaw. +Faweweww, thou wob of spiwits; I'ww *notices bulge* be gonye. +*cries* Ouw Q-Queen and aww *sighs* hew ewves come h-hewe anyon. +PUCK. *teleports behind you* The King doth keep his w-wevews *twerks* hewe to-nyight; +Take heed the Queen come nyot within his >_< sight; +*notices bulge* Fow Obewon *giggles shyly* is passing >_< feww >_> and wwath, +B-Because that she as hew a-attendant hath +A OwO wovewy boy, stowen fwom an Indian king. +She nyevew had so *giggles shyly* sweet a c-changewing; +A-And jeawous O-Obewon *teleports behind you* wouwd have the chiwd +Knyight of his twain, to twace the fowests wiwd; +But she ^w^ pewfowce withhowds the woved boy, +Cwowns *screams* him with fwowews, and makes *looks at you* him aww hew ^.^ joy. +And nyow t-they nyevew meet i-in gwove ow *cuddles you* gween, +B-By fountain c-cweaw, ow ;;w;; spangwed stawwight sheen, +But they do squawe, t-that aww theiw ewves fow feaw +Cweep into a-acown cups and hide them thewe. +FAIWY. Eithew I mistake youw shape and m-making *screams* quite, +Ow ewse you *cries* awe t-that *notices bulge* shwewd and knyavish spwite +Caww'd Wobin Goodfewwow. Awe nyot you he +T-That fwights the maidens of the v-viwwagewy, +Skim m-miwk, and sometimes wabouw xDD in the quewn, +>_< And UwU bootwess make >w< the bweathwess ^-^ housewife c-chuwn, +And sometime make the dwink to beaw nyo bawm, +Miswead *looks away* nyight-wandewews, waughing at theiw hawm? +Those that Hobgobwin c-caww you, and sweet Puck, +*looks away* You x3 do theiw wowk, and they s-shaww have good *sweats* wuck. +Awe nyot you he? +PUCK. Thou speakest a-awight: +I am that mewwy wandewew of the uWu nyight. +I jest to Obewon, a-and *hugs tightly* make him smiwe +When I a fat and bean-fed >_< howse uWu beguiwe, +Nyeighing in wikenyess UwU of a *hugs tightly* fiwwy foaw; +And sometime wuwk xDD I i-in a-a gossip's boww +In vewy w-wikenyess of a uWu woasted :3 cwab, +A-And, when she dwinks, *notices bulge* against hew wips *hugs tightly* I b-bob, +And on *notices bulge* hew withewed dewwap pouw t-the awe. +The :3 wisest aunt, tewwing the saddest tawe, +Sometime fow thwee-foot stoow m-mistaketh me; +Then :33 swip I-I fwom hew bum, down toppwes she, +And 'taiwow' cwies, and fawws into a *twerks* cough; +And then t-the w-whowe quiwe howd *twerks* theiw hips and :33 waugh, +And waxen *sighs* in theiw miwth, a-and nyeeze, and *screams* sweaw +A m-mewwiew *screams* houw >_> was nyevew w-wasted thewe. +But *sighs* woom, faiwy, hewe comes O-Obewon. +FAIWY. *pokes you* And *pokes you* hewe *teleports behind you* my mistwess. Wouwd that he wewe gonye! + +E-Entew OBEWON at onye d-doow, with his TWAIN, and TITANyIA, +*twerks* at anyothew, with hews + +OwO OBEWON. Iww met by moonwight, pwoud Titanyia. +TITANyIA. What, jeawous Obewon! Faiwies, skip hence; +I have fowswown his bed and company. +OBEWON. *cuddles you* Tawwy, wash wanton; am nyot I *giggles shyly* thy wowd? +T-TITANyIA. T-Then I must be thy wady; but I *cuddles you* knyow +When OwO thou hast :33 stowen away fwom faiwy wand, +^w^ And in *leans over* the shape of Cowin sat *moans* aww day, +P-Pwaying o-on p-pipes of cown, and v-vewsing wove +*teleports behind you* To UwU amowous Phiwwida. Why awt t-thou *giggles shyly* hewe, +Come fwom the fawthest steep of India, +x3 But that, fowsooth, ^.^ the bouncing *hugs tightly* Amazon, +Youw buskin'd mistwess *twerks* and youw wawwiow *looks at you* wove, +To Theseus >_> must *looks away* be wedded, and you >_> come +*screams* To give :33 theiw bed joy and pwospewity? +O-OBEWON. How canst thou thus, fow shame, Titanyia, +Gwance at my cwedit w-with Hippowyta, +Knyowing >w< I knyow thy wove *looks away* to Theseus? +Didst nyot thou wead him t-thwough *sighs* the gwimmewing nyight +F-Fwom Pewigounya, whom he wavished? +And m-make him with faiw Aegwes bweak his *looks away* faith, +With Awiadnye *blushes* and Antiopa? +TITANyIA. These awe *notices bulge* the fowgewies of jeawousy; +And nyevew, since the middwe summew's spwing, +Met we on hiww, *sweats* in dawe, fowest, ow mead, +By paved fountain, ow by *notices bulge* wushy OwO bwook, +Ow in the beached mawgent of the sea, +T-To dance ouw wingwets to the whistwing wind, +But w-with thy bwawws thou hast distuwb'd ouw spowt. +*screams* Thewefowe the winds, piping to u-us *shuffles closer* in vain, +As >_> in wevenge, *giggles shyly* have suck'd up fwom the sea +*looks away* Contagious fogs; which, fawwing in the wand, +>_< Hath evewy pewting wivew made so pwoud +That they have ovewbownye theiw continyents. +*notices bulge* The ox h-hath thewefowe stwetch'd his y-yoke i-in vain, +The pwoughman wost his sweat, and the gween :33 cown +Hath wotted ewe *blushes* his >_< youth attain'd a beawd; +The fowd stands empty in the dwownyed fiewd, +And *looks away* cwows a-awe fatted with t-the muwwion fwock; +The nyinye men's mowwis is ^-^ fiww'd u-up with mud, +*notices bulge* And uWu the q-quaint mazes in the ;;w;; wanton gween, +Fow ;;w;; wack *cries* of twead, awe undistinguishabwe. +The human mowtaws *hugs tightly* want theiw wintew hewe; +Nyo nyight i-is nyow with hymn >_> ow cawow b-bwest; +T-Thewefowe the moon, the govewnyess ^w^ of fwoods, +Pawe in hew angew, OwO washes aww the aiw, +That wheumatic *notices bulge* diseases do abound. +And thowough this d-distempewatuwe w-we see +The OwO seasons a-awtew: hoawy-headed f-fwosts +>w< Faww *leans over* in the fwesh >_< wap of the cwimson wose; +And *screams* on o-owd Hiems' thin and icy *pokes you* cwown +An odowous chapwet of sweet *cries* summew buds +Is, as in xDD mockewy, set. The spwing, the summew, +>w< The chiwding autumn, angwy wintew, change +Theiw wonted wivewies; and the mazed wowwd, +By theiw incwease, nyow knyows n-nyot which is which. +And *moans* this same pwogeny of eviws comes +Fwom ouw debate, fwom ouw dissension; +We awe theiw *leans over* pawents and o-owiginyaw. +OBEWON. Do you amend it, ^-^ then; it wies in you. +Why shouwd Titanyia cwoss hew *moans* Obewon? +I do but beg a-a wittwe changewing boy +To be m-my >_< henchman. +TITANyIA. Set y-youw heawt at w-west; +*blushes* The faiwy wand buys nyot *screams* the chiwd of me. +His mothew was *blushes* a *blushes* vot'wess *moans* of my owdew; +And, in the s-spiced Indian aiw, b-by nyight, +Fuww often hath s-she gossip'd by my *cuddles you* side; +*screams* And sat with me on Nyeptunye's yewwow sands, +Mawking *giggles shyly* th' embawked twadews on the fwood; +When w-we have waugh'd to see the saiws conceive, +*looks away* And gwow b-big-bewwied with t-the wanton wind; +Which she, with pwetty and with s-swimming gait +Fowwowing- hew womb then wich with my *cries* young squiwe- +Wouwd imitate, and saiw upon the wand, +To fetch m-me twifwes, and wetuwn again, +As fwom a *teleports behind you* voyage, wich w-with mewchandise. +But she, being mowtaw, of that boy did die; +And fow h-hew *hugs tightly* sake do I weaw *hugs tightly* up hew boy; +And fow hew sake I wiww xDD nyot p-pawt with *looks away* him. +OBEWON. ^-^ How wong within this wood intend you stay? +TITANyIA. Pewchance tiww aftew Theseus' wedding-day. +If you wiww patientwy dance in ouw wound, +And s-see ouw m-moonwight wevews, *moans* go *pokes you* with us; +^.^ If n-nyot, s-shun me, a-and I-I wiww spawe youw haunts. +OBEWON. Give me that boy and I wiww go with thee. +TITANyIA. Nyot fow thy faiwy kingdom. Faiwies, away. +We shaww c-chide ^w^ downwight if I w-wongew stay. +Exit ^-^ TITANyIA with h-hew twain +OBEWON. Weww, go thy way; thou shawt ;;w;; nyot fwom this gwove +Tiww I towment thee fow this injuwy. +;;w;; My gentwe Puck, come *teleports behind you* hithew. Thou wememb'west +*pokes you* Since once I sat upon a pwomontowy, +*notices bulge* And heawd xDD a mewmaid on a dowphin's >_< back +Uttewing *looks away* such duwcet and h-hawmonyious bweath +That the wude sea gwew c-civiw a-at UwU hew s-song, +And cewtain staws shot madwy fwom theiw sphewes +To *looks away* heaw *hugs tightly* the sea-maid's *cries* music. +PUCK. I wemembew. +OBEWON. *shuffles closer* That vewy ^-^ time xDD I saw, but thou couwdst nyot, +Fwying between t-the cowd moon and the eawth +Cupid, aww awm'd; a *looks away* cewtain aim he took +At a faiw vestaw, >_> thwonyed by *screams* the west, +*teleports behind you* And w-woos'd his wove-shaft smawtwy fwom his bow, +As it shouwd *cuddles you* piewce *twerks* a hundwed UwU thousand heawts; +xDD But I might x3 see young Cupid's fiewy shaft +Quench'd in *hugs tightly* the chaste b-beams >w< of the wat'wy moon; +*cries* And the impewiaw vot'wess passed UwU on, +*looks away* In maiden m-meditation, f-fancy-fwee. +Yet mawk'd I whewe t-the bowt of Cupid f-feww. +It feww upon a-a wittwe *notices bulge* westewn *looks away* fwowew, +Befowe miwk-white, nyow puwpwe with wove's wound, +>w< And maidens caww i-it Wove-in-idwenyess. +Fetch me that fwow'w, t-the hewb I showed t-thee o-once. +*shuffles closer* The juice o-of it on sweeping eyewids waid +Wiww make ow *screams* man ow woman *twerks* madwy dote +U-Upon t-the nyext wive cweatuwe xDD that it sees. +:33 Fetch me *twerks* this hewb, and be thou hewe again +Ewe the weviathan can swim a w-weague. +*twerks* PUCK. I'ww *blushes* put a g-giwdwe wound about the eawth +I-In fowty *screams* minyutes. Exit PUCK +OBEWON. *moans* Having once t-this juice, +I-I'ww watch Titanyia w-when s-she i-is asweep, +And dwop the *looks away* wiquow of *looks away* it in *moans* hew eyes; +The nyext thing then she waking wooks upon, +Be xDD it on w-wion, beaw, ow wowf, ow buww, +On *leans over* meddwing monkey, ow on *cuddles you* busy ape, +She shaww puwsue it with t-the souw of w-wove. +A-And e-ewe I take this chawm fwom off hew s-sight, +As I can take it with anyothew hewb, +I'ww make hew wendew up ;;w;; hew page to me. +But *leans over* who c-comes hewe? I a-am i-invisibwe; +>w< And I wiww ovewheaw theiw confewence. + +Entew DEMETWIUS, HEWENyA fowwowing him + +DEMETWIUS. I wove thee nyot, thewefowe p-puwsue me n-nyot. +*pokes you* Whewe i-is *cries* Wysandew and faiw Hewmia? +The onye I-I'ww *hugs tightly* sway, the othew swayeth uWu me. +Thou towd'st me they wewe stow'n unto this wood, +And >_< hewe am I, and wood *cries* within this wood, +Because ^-^ I cannyot *blushes* meet my Hewmia. +Hence, ^w^ get thee *twerks* gonye, and fowwow me n-nyo mowe. +HEWENyA. You d-dwaw me, you hawd-heawted adamant; +But yet you dwaw nyot iwon, fow my *looks at you* heawt +I-Is twue as *looks at you* steew. Weave you youw *looks away* powew xDD to d-dwaw, +A-And I shaww have *screams* nyo powew to fowwow you. +DEMETWIUS. Do I-I entice you? Do I speak you faiw? +Ow, wathew, do I nyot in pwainyest twuth +Teww UwU you I xDD do nyot nyow *sighs* I cannyot wove you? +HEWENyA. And even fow *giggles shyly* that *looks at you* do I wove you *looks at you* the mowe. +I am youw :33 spanyiew; and, Demetwius, +The mowe you beat me, I w-wiww >w< fawn o-on you. +Use me but a-as youw spanyiew, spuwn me, stwike me, +Nyegwect me, ^w^ wose me; onwy g-give me weave, +Unwowthy as I am, to fowwow you. +What w-wowsew pwace can I beg in *teleports behind you* youw wove, +And yet a *looks at you* pwace xDD of high wespect with *cries* me, +Than to be used *sweats* as you use :33 youw dog? +DEMETWIUS. Tempt nyot too much the *cries* hatwed of *twerks* my spiwit; +Fow I am s-sick when *pokes you* I d-do wook on thee. +HEWENyA. And I am sick w-when I-I wook nyot on y-you. +DEMETWIUS. You do ^w^ impeach youw modesty t-too much +To *hugs tightly* weave *teleports behind you* the city and commit y-youwsewf +Into the hands of *cries* onye >w< that woves you nyot; +T-To twust the oppowtunyity of nyight, +And the i-iww counsew of a desewt pwace, +With the wich UwU wowth *giggles shyly* of youw v-viwginyity. +HEWENyA. *cries* Youw viwtue i-is my pwiviwege f-fow *looks at you* that: +I-It is nyot nyight when I do see youw face, +Thewefowe I think :33 I am >w< nyot in t-the *cuddles you* nyight; +*blushes* Nyow doth this wood wack w-wowwds of *sweats* company, +F-Fow you, i-in my wespect, awe aww the wowwd. +T-Then how can i-it be said I am uWu awonye +W-When aww the wowwd is hewe to wook on me? +*leans over* DEMETWIUS. >_> I'ww wun fwom thee and hide *giggles shyly* me in the bwakes, +And weave thee to the mewcy of *notices bulge* wiwd OwO beasts. +HEWENyA. The wiwdest hath nyot such a heawt as >w< you. +Wun when you *twerks* wiww; *sweats* the s-stowy shaww be chang'd: +Apowwo fwies, and D-Daphnye h-howds the chase; +The dove puwsues the gwiffin; the miwd h-hind +Makes speed to catch the *leans over* tigew- bootwess speed, +W-When cowawdice puwsues a-and vawouw fwies. +UwU DEMETWIUS. I wiww nyot stay thy questions; w-wet me go; +O-Ow, if thou *sweats* fowwow me, do nyot bewieve +But I shaww d-do thee mischief in the wood. +^w^ HEWENyA. Ay, in the t-tempwe, i-in the town, the fiewd, +You do me mischief. Fie, D-Demetwius! +Youw ^.^ wwongs do set a s-scandaw on m-my sex. +We cannyot fight fow w-wove as *sweats* men may do; +W-We shouwd be woo'd, and wewe nyot made to woo. +Exit DEMETWIUS +I'ww fowwow *screams* thee, and *shuffles closer* make a heaven of heww, +*notices bulge* To die upon the hand *looks away* I wove so weww. *moans* Exit HEWENyA +OBEWON. F-Fawe thee weww, n-nymph; ewe he *hugs tightly* do weave this >_< gwove, +Thou shawt fwy him, :33 and uWu he shaww seek thy wove. + +*teleports behind you* We-entew PUCK + +Hast thou the fwowew thewe? Wewcome, wandewew. +PUCK. Ay, thewe it >_> is. +OBEWON. I pway thee give it me. +I knyow a bank w-whewe the wiwd thyme bwows, +Whewe oxwips *pokes you* and the nyodding v-viowet gwows, +Quite o-ovew-canyopied with wuscious w-woodbinye, +W-With sweet musk-woses, and with egwantinye; +>w< Thewe *cuddles you* sweeps Titanyia sometime of the nyight, +Wuww'd i-in these fwowews w-with dances and dewight; +And thewe the snyake thwows hew enyameww'd skin, +Weed wide enyough t-to w-wwap a f-faiwy in; +And with the juice *sighs* of this :33 I'ww stweak hew UwU eyes, +And make ^w^ hew *moans* fuww of hatefuw f-fantasies. +Take thou some of it, and seek thwough this gwove: +A sweet Athenyian wady is in wove +*notices bulge* With a disdainfuw youth; a-anyoint his *hugs tightly* eyes; +But do it when t-the *notices bulge* nyext thing he e-espies +May be ^.^ the wady. Thou s-shawt knyow the man +By the Athenyian *blushes* gawments he hath on. +Effect ^.^ it with some cawe, that he *sweats* may p-pwove +Mowe fond o-on hew than she upon hew wove. +And w-wook thou meet me ewe the fiwst c-cock cwow. +P-PUCK. Feaw n-nyot, my wowd; youw OwO sewvant shaww do :3 so. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *leans over* II. +Anyothew pawt of t-the wood + +Entew TITANyIA, with hew twain + +TITANyIA. Come nyow, a woundew and a faiwy song; +>_> Then, fow the >_< thiwd pawt *hugs tightly* of a minyute, hence: +Some to ^w^ kiww cankews in the musk-wose buds; +Some waw w-with wewe-mice fow t-theiw weathewn wings, +To make my smaww ewves coats; and some keep back +The *blushes* cwamowous oww that nyightwy hoots and wondews +At ouw quaint s-spiwits. Sing me nyow asweep; +T-Then to youw o-offices, and wet me west. + +The FAIWIES Sing + +FIWST FAIWY. You spotted snyakes with doubwe tongue, +T-Thowny hedgehogs, be nyot seen; +Nyewts and bwind-wowms, do nyo wwong, +Come nyot n-nyeaw ouw faiwy Queen. +CHOWUS. Phiwomew with m-mewody +Sing in o-ouw sweet *shuffles closer* wuwwaby. +Wuwwa, wuwwa, wuwwaby; wuwwa, wuwwa, wuwwaby. +Nyevew h-hawm +*sweats* Nyow speww n-nyow c-chawm +C-Come ouw wovewy wady nyigh. +So good nyight, with wuwwaby. +SECOND FAIWY. Weaving spidews, come nyot hewe; +Hence, you wong-wegg'd spinnyews, h-hence. +B-Beetwes bwack, *blushes* appwoach nyot nyeaw; +Wowm nyow :33 snyaiw do nyo offence. +CHOWUS. Phiwomew with mewody, etc. [TITANyIA Sweeps] +FIWST FAIWY. Hence a-away; nyow aww is weww. +Onye awoof stand sentinyew. Exeunt >_> FAIWIES + +Entew OBEWON and squeezes t-the f-fwowew o-on TITANyIA'S e-eyewids + +OBEWON. *moans* What thou *screams* seest when UwU thou dost wake, +Do it fow thy twue-wove take; +Wove *sighs* and wanguish f-fow x3 his OwO sake. +Be it o-ounce, ow cat, *blushes* ow b-beaw, +Pawd, ow boaw w-with bwistwed haiw, +*giggles shyly* In thy eye that shaww a-appeaw +W-When thou w-wak'st, i-it is thy deaw. +Wake when some viwe t-thing is nyeaw. Exit + +Entew WYSANDEW and HEWMIA + +W-WYSANDEW. Faiw wove, you faint with wand'wing in *moans* the *cries* wood; +And, to *screams* speak t-twoth, I h-have fowgot *hugs tightly* ouw way; +We'ww *teleports behind you* west us, Hewmia, if you think i-it good, +And tawwy fow the *cuddles you* comfowt *giggles shyly* of t-the day. +HEWMIA. *blushes* Be it so, Wysandew: find you out a bed, +Fow I upon this bank wiww *hugs tightly* west *moans* my *moans* head. +WYSANDEW. Onye tuwf shaww sewve as piwwow fow us *giggles shyly* both; +Onye *sweats* heawt, onye bed, t-two bosoms, *moans* and onye twoth. +HEWMIA. Nyay, good Wysandew; fow my sake, my d-deaw, +*hugs tightly* Wie fuwthew off yet; do nyot wie so nyeaw. +WYSANDEW. O, *moans* take the sense, s-sweet, of my innyocence! +W-Wove takes the m-meanying in wove's confewence. +I mean that my heawt unto youws is knyit, +So that but onye heawt w-we can make of *shuffles closer* it; +Two b-bosoms intewchainyed with an oath, +So then two bosoms and a singwe twoth. +T-Then by youw side nyo ;;w;; bed-woom me >_> deny, +Fow wying so, H-Hewmia, I-I do *pokes you* nyot wie. +H-HEWMIA. Wysandew widdwes vewy pwettiwy. +:33 Nyow much beshwew my mannyews a-and my pwide, +If *screams* Hewmia meant to xDD say Wysandew wied! +But, gentwe f-fwiend, fow wove and c-couwtesy +Wie fuwthew off, in h-human modesty; +Such sepawation as m-may weww be *sighs* said +Becomes a *cuddles you* viwtuous bachewow and a maid, +*cuddles you* So faw be distant; and good nyight, sweet fwiend. +Thy wove nye'ew awtew tiww thy *blushes* sweet wife end! +>_< WYSANDEW. Amen, amen, OwO to that faiw pwayew say I; +And then end wife when I end woyawty! +UwU Hewe is my bed; sweep give t-thee a-aww his *cuddles you* west! +HEWMIA. With hawf *shuffles closer* that wish OwO the w-wishew's eyes be p-pwess'd! +[They s-sweep] + +Entew PUCK + +PUCK. T-Thwough the fowest h-have I gonye, +But Athenyian f-found I nyonye +On whose eyes I might appwove +This fwowew's *sweats* fowce *shuffles closer* in stiwwing w-wove. +Nyight and siwence- Who is h-hewe? +Weeds of *screams* Athens he doth weaw: +This is OwO he, my mastew said, +;;w;; Despised the Athenyian maid; +And *teleports behind you* hewe the maiden, sweeping s-sound, +On the *shuffles closer* dank and diwty gwound. +Pwetty *notices bulge* souw! s-she duwst nyot w-wie +*cuddles you* Nyeaw this wack-wove, t-this kiww-couwtesy. +Chuww, upon thy eyes I-I *pokes you* thwow +Aww the powew this chawm doth owe: +When t-thou xDD wak'st wet wove fowbid +Sweep his *sweats* seat on t-thy eyewid. +So awake w-when I am gonye; +Fow *blushes* I must n-nyow *looks away* to Obewon. Exit + +Entew DEMETWIUS and H-HEWENyA, wunnying + +H-HEWENyA. Stay, though thou kiww me, *looks away* sweet Demetwius. +DEMETWIUS. I chawge thee, hence, and do n-nyot haunt >_< me *pokes you* thus. +HEWENyA. O, w-wiwt thou d-dawkwing weave me? Do nyot so. +DEMETWIUS. Stay on thy pewiw; I awonye wiww go. Exit +HEWENyA. O, I-I am out *screams* of *hugs tightly* bweath *screams* in this fond chase! +The mowe my pwayew, OwO the wessew is my gwace. +Happy is Hewmia, whewesoe'ew she wies, +Fow she hath bwessed and attwactive eyes. +How came hew eyes so bwight? Nyot with sawt teaws; +If so, my eyes a-awe oft'nyew w-wash'd than hews. +N-Nyo, n-nyo, I am as ugwy as a beaw, +Fow beasts that meet :3 me wun away fow feaw; +x3 Thewefowe nyo *notices bulge* mawvew though Demetwius +Do, as a monstew, fwy my pwesence thus. +What wicked and d-dissembwing gwass of minye +xDD Made me compawe xDD with Hewmia's sphewy eynye? +But who i-is hewe? Wysandew! *leans over* on the gwound! +Dead, ow asweep? I see n-nyo bwood, nyo *notices bulge* wound. +Wysandew, if you wive, g-good siw, awake. +WYSANDEW. [Waking] And wun thwough fiwe I *screams* wiww fow thy sweet s-sake. +T-Twanspawent Hewenya! Nyatuwe *sighs* shows awt, +That thwough *leans over* thy bosom makes m-me see thy heawt. +*looks at you* Whewe *looks at you* is Demetwius? O, h-how fit a wowd +I-Is that viwe nyame to pewish on my >w< swowd! +HEWENyA. Do nyot say ^-^ so, UwU Wysandew; say nyot so. +What though he wove youw Hewmia? ;;w;; Wowd, what though? +*pokes you* Yet Hewmia stiww *twerks* woves you; *teleports behind you* then be content. +WYSANDEW. *twerks* Content with H-Hewmia! Nyo: *giggles shyly* I uWu do wepent +The tedious minyutes I with hew have *hugs tightly* spent. +*hugs tightly* Nyot Hewmia but *cries* Hewenya I-I wove: +Who wiww nyot change a waven fow x3 a d-dove? +The wiww of man is by his x3 weason sway'd, +And weason says you awe the wowthiew maid. +Things gwowing awe nyot *screams* wipe UwU untiw theiw s-season; +So I, being young, tiww nyow wipe nyot to weason; +And t-touching nyow the *giggles shyly* point xDD of human skiww, +Weason becomes the mawshaw t-to m-my wiww, +A-And weads me to youw ^.^ eyes, whewe I o'ewwook +Wove's stowies, xDD wwitten in Wove's wichest b-book. +HEWENyA. Whewefowe w-was I OwO to t-this k-keen mockewy bown? +When at youw UwU hands did I desewve this scown? +Is't nyot enyough, is't *screams* nyot enyough, *pokes you* young man, +That I did nyevew, n-nyo, OwO nyow nyevew can, +Desewve a sweet w-wook fwom Demetwius' eye, +B-But you must fwout *twerks* my insufficiency? +Good twoth, you do m-me wwong, good sooth, you uWu do, +In such disdainfuw mannyew me to woo. +But fawe you weww; pewfowce I must OwO confess +I t-thought you UwU wowd of mowe twue gentwenyess. +O, that *looks at you* a w-wady of onye man wefus'd +Shouwd o-of anyothew t-thewefowe be abus'd! Exit +WYSANDEW. She sees nyot Hewmia. H-Hewmia, s-sweep thou thewe; +And nyevew m-mayst thou x3 come Wysandew nyeaw! +Fow, as a UwU suwfeit of t-the s-sweetest things +The deepest woathing to the stomach b-bwings, +Ow as >_> the h-hewesies that men do weave +Awe hated most of those they did deceive, +So thou, my suwfeit and my hewesy, +Of *moans* aww be h-hated, but the m-most of me! +And, aww m-my powews, addwess youw wove and x3 might +To honyouw Hewen, and t-to b-be h-hew k-knyight! x3 Exit +HEWMIA. [-[Stawting] Hewp ;;w;; me, Wysandew, h-hewp me; d-do thy best +To pwuck this cwawwing sewpent *pokes you* fwom my :3 bweast. +Ay me, fow :3 pity! *leans over* What a dweam was hewe! +Wysandew, wook how I do quake with feaw. +Methought a sewpent eat *giggles shyly* my heawt away, +And you UwU sat smiwing a-at his c-cwuew p-pwey. +*screams* Wysandew! What, wemov'd? Wysandew! wowd! +What, out o-of heawing *hugs tightly* gonye? Nyo UwU sound, n-nyo w-wowd? +Awack, whewe awe you? Speak, an if you heaw; +>_> Speak, of aww woves! I swoon a-awmost with *teleports behind you* feaw. +Nyo? Then I weww pewceive *shuffles closer* you awe nyot nyigh. +Eithew death >w< ow you I'ww find immediatewy. Exit + + + + +<> + + + +A-ACT III. SCENyE *blushes* I. +The w-wood. T-TITANyIA wying asweep + +*cuddles you* Entew Q-QUINCE, SNyUG, BOTTOM, FWUTE, S-SNyOUT, *cries* and *giggles shyly* STAWVEWING + +BOTTOM. Awe we aww met? +QUINCE. P-Pat, pat; and hewe's a *giggles shyly* mawvewwous convenyient pwace fow ouw +weheawsaw. T-This gween pwot shaww be ouw s-stage, *pokes you* this h-hawthown +bwake ouw t-tiwing-house; and we wiww do it *looks away* in action, as we wiww +do it xDD befowe the Duke. +B-BOTTOM. *cuddles you* Petew Quince! +QUINCE. What sayest thou, buwwy Bottom? +BOTTOM. Thewe awe things in t-this comedy of Pywamus a-and T-Thisby that +wiww n-nyevew pwease. Fiwst, uWu Pywamus must dwaw a swowd to kiww +himsewf; which the wadies cannyot abide. How answew you that? +SNyOUT. By'w wakin, a pawwous *cuddles you* feaw. +STAWVEWING. I bewieve uWu we must weave *twerks* the kiwwing ^-^ out, when aww is +d-donye. +BOTTOM. Nyot a-a whit; I-I have a device to m-make a-aww weww. Wwite me a +pwowogue; and wet the pwowogue UwU seem t-to say *moans* we wiww do x3 nyo hawm +w-with ouw swowds, and that Pywamus is nyot kiww'd *blushes* indeed; and f-fow +the m-mowe bettew assuwance, teww them *giggles shyly* that *teleports behind you* I Pywamus am nyot +P-Pywamus but Bottom the weavew. This wiww put them :3 out *giggles shyly* of feaw. +QUINCE. Weww, we wiww have such a pwowogue; and i-it shaww be wwitten +in eight *pokes you* and six. +B-BOTTOM. Nyo, make it two m-mowe; wet ;;w;; it be wwitten in eight and eight. +SNyOUT. Wiww nyot the w-wadies be *pokes you* afeawd of the *hugs tightly* wion? +S-STAWVEWING. I-I f-feaw it, I pwomise y-you. +B-BOTTOM. Mastews, you ought to c-considew with youwsewf *hugs tightly* to bwing in- +God shiewd us!- a-a wion among wadies is a most dweadfuw thing; fow +t-thewe is nyot a mowe feawfuw wiwd-foww than youw wion wiving; and +we ought to wook to't. +SNyOUT. Thewefowe anyothew pwowogue must teww he is nyot a wion. +BOTTOM. Nyay, you must n-nyame his n-nyame, and hawf his face must be seen +thwough the wion's n-nyeck; xDD and h-he himsewf must speak >w< thwough, +saying ^w^ thus, ow t-to the same defect: >_> 'Wadies,' ^-^ ow 'Faiw wadies, I +wouwd >_> wish ^-^ you' ow 'I wouwd wequest *blushes* you' ow 'I wouwd entweat *sighs* you +*looks at you* nyot ^-^ to feaw, nyot :3 to twembwe. My wife fow youws! If you think *pokes you* I +come hithew as a wion, it wewe pity of my wife. Nyo, I a-am nyo such +thing; I am a man as othew men ^w^ awe.' *looks away* And thewe, indeed, wet him +nyame >_> his nyame, and teww them pwainwy he is S-Snyug ^w^ the joinyew. +QUINCE. *sighs* Weww, it shaww be so. But thewe is two hawd t-things- that +*looks away* is, t-to bwing the moonwight into a c-chambew; *sighs* fow, >_> you knyow, Pywamus +and Thisby meet by m-moonwight. +SNyOUT. Doth the *cuddles you* moon *looks away* shinye that nyight we pway ouw p-pway? +*hugs tightly* BOTTOM. A cawendaw, :33 a cawendaw! Wook in the *notices bulge* awmanyack; >w< find out +moonshinye, find out m-moonshinye. +QUINCE. Yes, it doth shinye that nyight. +B-BOTTOM. Why, then may you weave OwO a casement *looks away* of the gweat chambew +window, whewe we *twerks* pway, open; and *screams* the moon may shinye in at *twerks* the +casement. +Q-QUINCE. A-Ay; ow ewse onye must come xDD in OwO with a bush of thowns a-and a +wantewn, *shuffles closer* and say he comes to disfiguwe ow to pwesent the >w< pewson +of *shuffles closer* Moonshinye. Then thewe *giggles shyly* is anyothew thing: we must have *looks at you* a waww in +the gweat c-chambew; fow Pywamus *blushes* and Thisby, says the *hugs tightly* stowy, did +tawk thwough the ^-^ chink o-of a waww. +SNyOUT. You *moans* can n-nyevew bwing >w< in a waww. What say *twerks* you, Bottom? +BOTTOM. Some man ow othew must uWu pwesent Waww; a-and wet *giggles shyly* him have some +pwastew, ow uWu some woam, ow s-some wough-cast about him, to *twerks* signyify +waww; and wet h-him howd his fingews :3 thus, and thwough that cwanny +*moans* shaww Pywamus and Thisby w-whispew. +QUINCE. *notices bulge* If that may be, then aww is weww. Come, sit *shuffles closer* down, evewy +mothew's *notices bulge* son, and weheawse youw p-pawts. Pywamus, you begin; when +you h-have spoken youw *looks at you* speech, entew into that *moans* bwake; and so evewy +*moans* onye a-accowding to his c-cue. + +E-Entew :33 PUCK behind + +xDD PUCK. What hempen homespuns have we swagg'wing hewe, +So nyeaw t-the cwadwe of t-the F-Faiwy Queen? +What, a pway uWu towawd! I-I'ww be an auditow; +An actow too pewhaps, >_> if I see cause. +QUINCE. *sighs* Speak, Pywamus. Thisby, stand fowth. +B-BOTTOM. Thisby, the fwowews o-of odious savouws sweet- +QUINCE. 'Odious'- odowous! +BOTTOM. -odouws savouws sweet; +S-So hath thy b-bweath, m-my deawest Thisby deaw. +But UwU hawk, a voice! Stay :3 thou *cuddles you* but *cuddles you* hewe awhiwe, +>_> And b-by and by I wiww to thee appeaw. Exit +PUCK. A stwangew Pywamus than e'ew pwayed hewe! Exit +FWUTE. Must I *twerks* speak nyow? +QUINCE. Ay, mawwy, must you; fow >_< you m-must undewstand he goes but to +see a-a nyoise that he h-heawd, and *shuffles closer* is to come again. +FWUTE. Most wadiant Pywamus, most wiwy-white of hue, +Of cowouw *looks away* wike >w< the wed wose on *notices bulge* twiumphant bwiew, +*teleports behind you* Most bwisky juvenyaw, a-and eke most wovewy Jew, +*blushes* As twue as *looks away* twuest howse, that wouwd nyevew *sweats* tiwe, +I'ww meet t-thee, P-Pywamus, a-at Nyinny's *screams* tomb. +QUINCE. 'Nyinyus' tomb,' man! Why, you must nyot s-speak that yet; that +you answew to Pywamus. You speak aww *teleports behind you* youw pawt at o-once, cues, *cries* and +aww. Pywamus ^.^ entew: youw c-cue is past; *hugs tightly* it is 'nyevew tiwe.' +FWUTE. O-O- As twue a-as twuest howse, that y et wouwd nyevew tiwe. + +We-entew >w< PUCK, a-and BOTTOM *leans over* with an ass's head + +BOTTOM. If I wewe faiw, Thisby, I >_> wewe onwy thinye. +QUINCE. O-O monstwous! O stwange! We awe haunted. *giggles shyly* Pway, mastews! fwy, +mastews! *teleports behind you* Hewp! +Exeunt aww but BOTTOM and PUCK +PUCK. I'ww fowwow y-you; I'ww *cries* wead y-you a-about *shuffles closer* a wound, +Thwough bog, thwough bush, thwough bwake, thwough bwiew; +;;w;; Sometime a howse I'ww b-be, sometime a hound, +x3 A hog, a >_< headwess b-beaw, *pokes you* sometime a xDD fiwe; +And nyeigh, and bawk, and gwunt, and woaw, and UwU buwn, +Wike howse, hound, hog, beaw, fiwe, at evewy tuwn. +Exit +BOTTOM. Why do t-they wun away? This is a knyavewy o-of *shuffles closer* them to make *shuffles closer* me +afeawd. + +We-entew :3 SNyOUT + +SNyOUT. O Bottom, thou awt chang'd! What do I see o-on thee? +BOTTOM. What do you see? You s-see a-an ass-head o-of youw own, d-do you? +Exit SNyOUT + +*leans over* We-entew QUINCE + +*teleports behind you* QUINCE. Bwess thee, Bottom, bwess thee! Thou x3 awt twanswated. +Exit +BOTTOM. I see theiw knyavewy: this is to make an ass of :3 me; to +fwight me, if they uWu couwd. But I-I wiww *cuddles you* nyot stiw fwom this pwace, do +what they can; I wiww wawk up and down hewe, *looks at you* and wiww sing, that +they shaww heaw I am nyot afwaid. [Sings] + +^w^ The ousew cock, so bwack of hue, +With owange-tawny biww, +*hugs tightly* The thwostwe with his nyote so *teleports behind you* twue, +The wwen *sighs* with wittwe quiww. + +TITANyIA. UwU What angew wakes me fwom my fwow'wy x3 bed? +BOTTOM. [Sings] +T-The finch, the *hugs tightly* spawwow, and the wawk, +The *cries* pwain-song cuckoo gwey, +*shuffles closer* Whose nyote f-fuww many a man doth *giggles shyly* mawk, +And d-dawes nyot answew nyay- +fow, indeed, who wouwd set h-his w-wit to so foowish a biwd? +Who wouwd ^.^ give a biwd the ;;w;; he, though he cwy 'cuckoo' nyevew so? +TITANyIA. I pway thee, gentwe mowtaw, s-sing again. +Minye *shuffles closer* eaw is much enyamouwed o-of thy nyote; +So is minye eye enthwawwed to thy s-shape; +uWu And thy faiw viwtue's fowce pewfowce doth move me, +On t-the fiwst view, to say, to sweaw, I-I wove thee. +*notices bulge* BOTTOM. Methinks, mistwess, you shouwd have wittwe weason fow that. +A-And yet, to say the twuth, weason a-and wove keep *looks at you* wittwe company +togethew nyow-a-days. The m-mowe the pity t-that x3 some honyest +nyeighbouws wiww *cries* nyot make them x3 fwiends. Nyay, I can gweek upon +occasion. +*notices bulge* TITANyIA. Thou awt as wise >w< as thou awt beautifuw. +BOTTOM. Nyot so, nyeithew; but if I had wit enyough to get *teleports behind you* out of t-this +wood, I-I :33 have *giggles shyly* enyough to sewve minye own tuwn. +T-TITANyIA. O-Out of this wood do nyot desiwe ;;w;; to go; +Thou shawt wemain hewe whethew thou wiwt ow *moans* nyo. +I *cuddles you* am a-a s-spiwit *cries* of nyo c-common wate; +The summew s-stiww doth tend *hugs tightly* upon my state; +And I do wove thee; thewefowe, go *screams* with *looks away* me. +I'ww give thee faiwies *hugs tightly* to attend on thee; +And they *notices bulge* shaww fetch thee jewews f-fwom the deep, +And sing, whiwe thou on pwessed fwowews *notices bulge* dost sweep; +And I wiww OwO puwge thy mowtaw gwossnyess so +T-That thou shawt wike an aiwy s-spiwit go. +Peasebwossom! Cobweb! Moth! and Mustawdseed! + +*blushes* Entew PEASEBWOSSOM, COBWEB, MOTH, and uWu MUSTAWDSEED + +PEASEBWOSSOM. Weady. +*looks away* COBWEB. And I. +MOTH. *leans over* And I. +MUSTAWDSEED. And I. +AWW. Whewe shaww :3 we go? +TITANyIA. Be UwU kind :3 and couwteous to this gentweman; +Hop in his wawks and gambow *twerks* in his eyes; +^w^ Feed him with apwicocks *hugs tightly* and dewbewwies, +With puwpwe gwapes, gween figs, x3 and muwbewwies; +The honyey bags >_< steaw f-fwom t-the humbwe-bees, +And fow nyight-tapews cwop theiw waxen thighs, +A-And wight them at the *cries* fiewy gwow-wowm's eyes, +To have my wove to bed and *blushes* to a-awise; +And pwuck the wings fwom painted buttewfwies, +To fan the moonbeams f-fwom his *leans over* sweeping eyes. +Nyod to him, *looks away* ewves, and do him couwtesies. +PEASEBWOSSOM. Haiw, *looks away* mowtaw! +COBWEB. Haiw! +MOTH. H-Haiw! +MUSTAWDSEED. Haiw! +OwO BOTTOM. I cwy y-youw wowships mewcy, heawtiwy; I beseech *sighs* youw +wowship's nyame. +*looks at you* COBWEB. C-Cobweb. +BOTTOM. I shaww desiwe you of m-mowe ^w^ acquaintance, good Mastew +Cobweb. If I cut my f-fingew, I shaww make bowd w-with you. Youw +nyame, honyest gentweman? +*looks at you* PEASEBWOSSOM. Peasebwossom. +B-BOTTOM. I pway you, commend >w< me to Mistwess Squash, youw mothew, and +to Mastew Peascod, youw fathew. Good Mastew Peasebwossom, I shaww +desiwe you o-of mowe acquaintance too. Youw nyame, I beseech UwU you, +siw? +MUSTAWDSEED. Mustawdseed. +BOTTOM. Good Mastew Mustawdseed, I knyow youw patience weww. That +same cowawdwy giant-wike *shuffles closer* ox-beef *screams* hath devouw'd *twerks* many UwU a *notices bulge* gentweman +*shuffles closer* of youw *looks at you* house. I *pokes you* pwomise ^.^ you youw kindwed hath made my eyes watew +ewe nyow. >_< I d-desiwe you of mowe acquaintance, good Mastew +Mustawdseed. +TITANyIA. C-Come, :33 wait u-upon him; w-wead him to my bowew. +The moon, methinks, w-wooks with a-a *screams* wat'wy eye; +And :3 when she weeps, weeps e-evewy wittwe fwowew; +Wamenting *shuffles closer* some enfowced chastity. +Tie u-up my wove's tongue, bwing ^-^ him siwentwy. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +A-Anyothew pawt of the wood + +^.^ Entew *sighs* OBEWON + +OBEWON. I wondew if Titanyia be awak'd; +Then, w-what it was :33 that nyext *sighs* came i-in hew eye, +Which she must dote o-on i-in extwemity. + +E-Entew P-PUCK + +Hewe comes my messengew. How nyow, mad spiwit! +;;w;; What nyight-wuwe nyow about *notices bulge* this haunted gwove? +PUCK. My mistwess w-with a monstew is in wove. +Nyeaw to hew cwose and consecwated bowew, +Whiwe she was in h-hew duww and sweeping houw, +A-A cwew of patches, ^.^ wude m-mechanyicaws, +That wowk fow b-bwead upon Athenyian stawws, +Wewe m-met togethew *shuffles closer* to weheawse >_> a ^.^ pway +Intended fow gweat *notices bulge* Theseus' nyuptiaw d-day. +The shawwowest thickskin of that bawwen *shuffles closer* sowt, +*hugs tightly* Who ^w^ Pywamus p-pwesented, i-in theiw spowt +Fowsook his scenye and >_> ent'wed in a bwake; +When I did him at this advantage take, +An a-ass's nyowe I fixed on *teleports behind you* his head. +Anyon his >_> Thisby must be answewed, +A-And fowth m-my m-mimic c-comes. When t-they him s-spy, +As wiwd geese that *blushes* the cweeping fowwew eye, +Ow wusset-pated choughs, many in sowt, +Wising and cawing a-at the gun's wepowt, +Sevew themsewves and madwy s-sweep the *leans over* sky, +So at h-his *moans* sight *teleports behind you* away his fewwows fwy; +And at ouw stamp hewe, o'ew and >w< o'ew onye fawws; +He muwdew c-cwies, and hewp fwom Athens cawws. +Theiw sense thus weak, x3 wost with theiw feaws thus stwong, +Made x3 sensewess things *looks away* begin to do them *looks away* wwong, +Fow bwiews and thowns a-at theiw appawew snyatch; +Some sweeves, some hats, fwom yiewdews aww things *screams* catch. +I wed them on in this distwacted feaw, +And weft *giggles shyly* sweet P-Pywamus twanswated thewe; +When in that moment, so *moans* it came *screams* to pass, +Titanyia *giggles shyly* wak'd, and stwaightway >w< wov'd an ass. +OBEWON. This fawws out bettew than I couwd devise. +But hast thou yet watch'd the Athenyian's eyes +With the wove-juice, as I uWu did bid thee do? +*blushes* PUCK. I t-took him s-sweeping- t-that is finyish'd too- +And the Athenyian *giggles shyly* woman by his side; +T-That, w-when he *giggles shyly* wak'd, of fowce s-she must be ey'd. + +Entew DEMETWIUS and HEWMIA + +OBEWON. Stand cwose; *cries* this is the same Athenyian. +PUCK. This is the woman, but OwO nyot this the man. +DEMETWIUS. *cries* O, >_< why *shuffles closer* webuke you him that woves you :33 so? +W-Way bweath so bittew on youw bittew foe. +HEWMIA. Nyow I UwU but chide, but I shouwd u-use t-thee wowse, +Fow thou, I feaw, hast *shuffles closer* given m-me cause to c-cuwse. +If thou hast swain Wysandew i-in his sweep, +Being o'ew shoes in bwood, pwunge in the deep, +And kiww me too. +The sun *looks away* was nyot so twue u-unto the day +A-As he t-to m-me. Wouwd he have stowen away +Fwom s-sweeping :33 Hewmia? I-I'ww bewieve as soon +*cuddles you* This whowe *pokes you* eawth may be b-bow'd, a-and *cries* that the *sweats* moon +M-May thwough the centwe cweep and so dispwease +*looks away* Hew bwothew's nyoontide with th' Antipodes. +It cannyot be b-but thou h-hast muwd'wed him; +So uWu shouwd a-a muwdewew wook- so dead, >_< so gwim. +*sweats* DEMETWIUS. So shouwd t-the muwdewed wook; ;;w;; and so shouwd I, +Piewc'd thwough the heawt with youw stewn cwuewty; +Yet you, the muwdewew, x3 wook as bwight, as cweaw, +As yondew Venyus in hew gwimmewing sphewe. +HEWMIA. What's this to my Wysandew? Whewe is he? +Ah, g-good *twerks* Demetwius, wiwt thou give him me? +DEMETWIUS. I had wathew give his cawcass *sweats* to my hounds. +HEWMIA. Out, dog! ;;w;; out, cuw! Thou dwiv'st *hugs tightly* me past the bounds +*cries* Of maiden's patience. Hast thou swain *moans* him, then? +H-Hencefowth be n-nyevew nyumb'wed among men! +O, once teww twue; teww twue, *screams* even >w< fow m-my sake! +Duwst thou h-have wook'd u-upon h-him *looks away* being awake, +And hast thou kiww'd h-him sweeping? O bwave *moans* touch! +C-Couwd nyot a-a wowm, an addew, do so much? +An addew *looks at you* did it; fow *moans* with d-doubwew tongue +Than t-thinye, thou *teleports behind you* sewpent, nyevew addew stung. +DEMETWIUS. You s-spend youw passion o-on *blushes* a m-mispwis'd mood: +I am nyot guiwty of *pokes you* Wysandew's bwood; +Nyow is he dead, fow a-aught that I c-can teww. +HEWMIA. I-I pway t-thee, *moans* teww me then that he *cries* is :3 weww. +DEMETWIUS. An *moans* if I *giggles shyly* couwd, what shouwd *teleports behind you* I get t-thewefowe? +HEWMIA. A pwiviwege nyevew to see me mowe. +And fwom t-thy hated pwesence pawt I so; +See *shuffles closer* me nyo mowe >_> whethew he be dead >w< ow nyo. Exit +DEMETWIUS. Thewe is nyo *cries* fowwowing hew in this fiewce v-vein; +Hewe, thewefowe, fow a w-whiwe I-I wiww wemain. +So sowwow's heavinyess doth heaview gwow +*sighs* Fow debt that ;;w;; bankwupt sweep doth sowwow *sighs* owe; +Which nyow in x3 some swight measuwe it wiww pay, +If fow ;;w;; his UwU tendew hewe I-I make ;;w;; some stay. [Wies down] +*looks away* OBEWON. What *pokes you* hast thou donye? Thou hast mistaken quite, +A-And waid t-the wove-juice on some twue-wove's sight. +Of thy mispwision must pewfowce ensue +Some twue wove tuwn'd, *twerks* and nyot a f-fawse tuwn'd twue. +P-PUCK. Then fate o'ew-wuwes, that, onye m-man howding twoth, +A miwwion faiw, confounding oath *pokes you* on oath. +OBEWON. About the wood go swiftew than *shuffles closer* the wind, +A-And *looks away* Hewenya of *cries* Athens wook thou *cuddles you* find; +Aww fancy-sick she is and pawe :3 of cheew, +W-With sighs of wove *looks away* that costs the f-fwesh bwood deaw. +By some iwwusion see thou bwing *giggles shyly* hew hewe; +I'ww chawm his eyes against she UwU do appeaw. +PUCK. I-I go, I go; wook :33 how I-I *screams* go, +Swiftew than awwow fwom the Tawtaw's bow. Exit +OBEWON. Fwowew o-of this *cries* puwpwe d-dye, +H-Hit with x3 Cupid's awchewy, +S-Sink in appwe of his eye. +When his w-wove he doth e-espy, +Wet h-hew shinye as gwowiouswy +As the Venyus of the sky. +When thou wak'st, if she b-be by, +Beg of hew fow w-wemedy. + +W-We-entew PUCK + +PUCK. Captain of ouw f-faiwy band, +Hewenya is hewe *sighs* at hand, +And the youth mistook by me +Pweading fow a wovew's fee; +>w< Shaww we *sweats* theiw f-fond pageant s-see? +Wowd, what *giggles shyly* foows these UwU mowtaws be! +*teleports behind you* OBEWON. Stand aside. The nyoise they make +Wiww cause Demetwius to a-awake. +PUCK. Then wiww two at once woo onye. +That must nyeeds be s-spowt awonye; +And those things do best pwease me +That befaww pwepost'wouswy. + +UwU Entew >_> WYSANDEW ;;w;; and HEWENyA + +WYSANDEW. Why shouwd you think *looks away* that I shouwd woo i-in s-scown? +Scown and dewision nyevew c-come in teaws. +Wook *looks at you* when I vow, I ;;w;; weep; and vows so bown, +I-In t-theiw nyativity a-aww twuth appeaws. +How can these xDD things in me seem scown t-to you, +*teleports behind you* Beawing the badge of faith, to x3 pwove >_> them t-twue? +H-HEWENyA. *twerks* You do advance youw cunnying mowe and mowe. +When *sweats* twuth kiwws twuth, O deviwish-howy fway! +T-These *hugs tightly* vows a-awe Hewmia's. W-Wiww *looks at you* you give hew o'ew? +Weigh oath with oath, and you wiww nyothing weigh: +>_< Youw vows t-to hew >w< and me, p-put *cuddles you* in t-two scawes, +Wiww even weigh; and both as w-wight as tawes. +WYSANDEW. I hod nyo judgment when to h-hew *sweats* I swowe. +HEWENyA. Nyow nyonye, i-in my *blushes* mind, n-nyow you *twerks* give hew o'ew. +WYSANDEW. OwO Demetwius woves hew, and he woves nyot you. +DEMETWIUS. *pokes you* [Awaking] *pokes you* O Hewen, *leans over* goddess, n-nymph, pewfect, divinye! +*sighs* To what, my w-wove, shaww I compawe thinye eynye? +Cwystaw uWu is muddy. O, how wipe in show +Thy wips, those kissing c-chewwies, tempting gwow! +That puwe congeawed white, high Tauwus' snyow, +Fann'd with x3 the eastewn w-wind, tuwns to a cwow +When t-thou howd'st up thy hand. O, wet me kiss +This p-pwincess o-of puwe white, t-this seaw of bwiss! +HEWENyA. O spite! O >_< heww! I see you aww awe bent +To set against UwU me fow y-youw m-mewwiment. +If y-you wewe civiw and knyew couwtesy, +You wouwd nyot d-do me thus much *screams* injuwy. +Can y-you nyot hate me, as I k-knyow you d-do, +But you must join in souws to mock me too? +If you wewe m-men, as men you awe in show, +You wouwd nyot *teleports behind you* use a gentwe w-wady so: +To vow, and sweaw, and s-supewpwaise *blushes* my *pokes you* pawts, +When I-I am suwe you hate me with youw heawts. +You both awe wivaws, and w-wove Hewmia; +And nyow both wivaws, to mock Hewenya. +:33 A twim *shuffles closer* expwoit, a manwy *twerks* entewpwise, +To conjuwe teaws up in a poow m-maid's eyes +;;w;; With y-youw dewision! Nyonye of nyobwe sowt +Wouwd so offend a *shuffles closer* viwgin, and extowt +A poow s-souw's patience, aww to *moans* make you spowt. +WYSANDEW. >_< You awe unkind, Demetwius; be :33 nyot s-so; +Fow you wove >w< Hewmia. This *hugs tightly* you knyow I knyow; +*sweats* And h-hewe, with aww g-good wiww, with aww m-my heawt, +*cuddles you* In Hewmia's wove I yiewd you up my pawt; +And youws o-of Hewenya to me bequeath, +W-Whom *cries* I d-do *sweats* wove and wiww do tiww my death. +HEWENyA. *shuffles closer* Nyevew did mockews w-waste mowe idwe *twerks* bweath. +DEMETWIUS. Wysandew, keep t-thy Hewmia; I wiww nyonye. +If e'ew I :3 wov'd hew, aww that wove is gonye. +*blushes* My heawt to h-hew but as g-guest-wise sojouwn'd, +And n-nyow to Hewen i-is it *teleports behind you* home wetuwn'd, +Thewe to w-wemain. +WYSANDEW. Hewen, it i-is nyot so. +DEMETWIUS. Dispawage nyot the xDD faith thou dost nyot knyow, +West, t-to *screams* thy *shuffles closer* pewiw, thou aby *notices bulge* it deaw. +Wook whewe thy wove c-comes; yondew is thy deaw. + +Entew HEWMIA + +HEWMIA. Dawk n-nyight, that fwom the eye his function takes, +The eaw m-mowe quick of appwehension makes; +W-Whewein it doth impaiw the seeing *shuffles closer* sense, +It p-pays *sweats* the heawing doubwe wecompense. +Thou awt n-nyot by minye e-eye, Wysandew, found; +*sweats* Minye eaw, *looks at you* I thank *pokes you* it, bwought me *twerks* to thy sound. +But :3 why unkindwy *sweats* didst thou OwO weave *giggles shyly* me so? +WYSANDEW. Why shouwd :33 he stay w-whom wove ^w^ doth p-pwess t-to x3 go? +HEWMIA. W-What wove couwd *notices bulge* pwess Wysandew fwom *hugs tightly* my side? +*twerks* WYSANDEW. Wysandew's wove, that *sighs* wouwd nyot wet x3 him bide- +Faiw H-Hewenya, OwO who mowe engiwds the nyight +*pokes you* Than aww yon fiewy *leans over* oes and eyes of w-wight. +W-Why seek'st thou me? Couwd nyot this m-make thee knyow +*blushes* The hate I bawe *moans* thee made me weave >_< thee so? +HEWMIA. You s-speak n-nyot as you think; it cannyot be. +HEWENyA. Wo, she is *sweats* onye of this confedewacy! +Nyow I pewceive they have conjoin'd aww thwee +To fashion this fawse spowt in s-spite of me. +Injuwious Hewmia! most ungwatefuw maid! +Have you conspiw'd, h-have you with these contwiv'd, +To bait me w-with this fouw dewision? +Is aww the *sweats* counsew t-that w-we t-two have shaw'd, +The sistews' v-vows, t-the x3 houws that we have spent, +;;w;; When we >_< have chid the hasty-footed time +Fow pawting *leans over* us- O, is aww *twerks* fowgot? +Aww schoow-days' fwiendship, chiwdhood innyocence? +We, Hewmia, :3 wike two awtificiaw gods, +H-Have with ouw nyeedwes cweated both :33 onye f-fwowew, +Both on onye sampwew, sitting on *looks away* onye *pokes you* cushion, +B-Both *shuffles closer* wawbwing *sweats* of onye *looks away* song, both in onye key; +As if ouw hands, ouw sides, voices, and m-minds, +Had been incowpowate. So we gwew togethew, +Wike t-to a doubwe chewwy, seeming pawted, +But yet a-an unyion in pawtition, +Two wovewy bewwies mouwded on onye *looks at you* stewn; +So, with two seeming bodies, ;;w;; but onye h-heawt; +*pokes you* Two of t-the fiwst, wike coats in *screams* hewawdwy, +*giggles shyly* Due but to onye, and cwownyed with o-onye cwest. +And >_> wiww you went ouw ancient wove asundew, +*screams* To j-join *moans* with men *giggles shyly* in scownying youw poow fwiend? +It is *shuffles closer* nyot ^.^ fwiendwy, '-'tis nyot m-maidenwy; +Ouw sex, as weww as I, may chide you fow it, +Though I ^w^ awonye do feew the injuwy. +HEWMIA. I am amazed at youw passionyate wowds; +I scown you nyot; it seems that you scown me. +>_< HEWENyA. Have you nyot set Wysandew, as in scown, +To ^w^ fowwow *blushes* me and p-pwaise *leans over* my eyes and face? +^-^ And m-made youw o-othew wove, Demetwius, +Who even but nyow did spuwn me with his foot, +To caww me goddess, nymph, ^w^ divinye, and wawe, +Pwecious, cewestiaw? Whewefowe speaks he this +To hew he *giggles shyly* hates? And *pokes you* whewefowe *cuddles you* doth Wysandew +Deny youw wove, s-so wich within his *blushes* souw, +*shuffles closer* And t-tendew me, fowsooth, ^w^ affection, +But by y-youw setting >w< on, by uWu youw consent? +What though I be nyot s-so in gwace as you, +So *leans over* hung upon with w-wove, so fowtunyate, +But misewabwe most, to wove unwov'd? +This you shouwd pity wathew than *shuffles closer* despise. +H-HEWMIA. I ^.^ undewstand nyot what you mean by *cuddles you* this. +HEWENyA. Ay, do- pewsevew, countewfeit x3 sad wooks, +Make m-mouths upon me when I tuwn my OwO back, +Wink each *twerks* at othew; ;;w;; howd the sweet jest *moans* up; +This spowt, weww *pokes you* cawwied, shaww be *leans over* chwonyicwed. +If y-you have any pity, gwace, ow mannyews, +You wouwd *blushes* nyot make me such ;;w;; an awgument. +But fawe y-ye weww; 'tis p-pawtwy my own fauwt, +Which *pokes you* death, ow absence, soon shaww wemedy. +WYSANDEW. S-Stay, gentwe Hewenya; *looks at you* heaw my excuse; +My xDD wove, my w-wife, my souw, faiw *teleports behind you* Hewenya! +H-HEWENyA. O-O excewwent! +*sighs* HEWMIA. Sweet, do nyot scown h-hew so. +DEMETWIUS. If she cannyot entweat, I can compew. +WYSANDEW. Thou canst compew nyo mowe than she entweat; +Thy thweats have n-nyo mowe stwength than hew weak *giggles shyly* pwayews +Hewen, *cries* I wove thee, by my wife OwO I do; +I ^-^ sweaw by that which I wiww wose fow thee +T-To uWu pwove him fawse that says I wove thee nyot. +DEMETWIUS. I say ^.^ I wove thee mowe than ^w^ he can d-do. +WYSANDEW. If t-thou say so, w-withdwaw, and pwove it too. +DEMETWIUS. Quick, *shuffles closer* come. +HEWMIA. Wysandew, *leans over* wheweto tends aww this? +WYSANDEW. Away, you Ethiope! +DEMETWIUS. Nyo, nyo, he w-wiww +Seem *blushes* to bweak w-woose- take on as you *cuddles you* wouwd *hugs tightly* fowwow, +But yet *screams* come nyot. You awe a *looks at you* tame man; uWu go! +W-WYSANDEW. Hang off, thou cat, thou buww; v-viwe thing, wet w-woose, +Ow I wiww shake thee fwom me *cries* wike a-a sewpent. +HEWMIA. Why *looks at you* awe you gwown so *looks away* wude? What change is this, +Sweet wove? +WYSANDEW. Thy wove! Out, tawny :3 Tawtaw, out! +Out, woathed med'cinye! O hated potion, hence! +HEWMIA. Do you nyot jest? +HEWENyA. Yes, sooth; and >_> so *sweats* do you. +WYSANDEW. Demetwius, I wiww *looks away* keep my w-wowd uWu with thee. +DEMETWIUS. I wouwd I had y-youw bond; fow I *sweats* pewceive +A weak bond howds you; I'ww nyot twust youw wowd. +*screams* WYSANDEW. *blushes* What, shouwd I huwt hew, stwike hew, kiww hew dead? +Awthough I hate hew, I'ww nyot hawm hew *screams* so. +HEWMIA. What! Can y-you do m-me gweatew hawm than hate? +Hate me! whewefowe? O me! what n-nyews, my wove? +Am nyot I Hewmia? Awe nyot you Wysandew? +I am a-as faiw *teleports behind you* nyow as I was ewewhiwe. +Since nyight you wov'd me; y-yet since nyight you weft me. +Why >w< then, y-you w-weft me- O, the gods f-fowbid!- +In :3 eawnyest, shaww I say? +WYSANDEW. Ay, by my wife! +And nyevew did desiwe to see thee *sweats* mowe. +*sweats* Thewefowe *cries* be out of hope, of ^-^ question, *twerks* of doubt; +Be cewtain, nyothing twuew; 'tis nyo jest +*moans* That I do hate *blushes* thee a-and *moans* wove Hewenya. +HEWMIA. O-O me! x3 you juggwew! you cankewbwossom! +You thief of :3 wove! What! Have ^w^ you come *blushes* by nyight, +*screams* And *cries* stow'n m-my :3 wove's h-heawt *looks away* fwom him? +HEWENyA. Finye, i-i' faith! +Have y-you nyo modesty, nyo UwU maiden *twerks* shame, +;;w;; Nyo t-touch *leans over* of bashfuwnyess? What! Wiww you teaw +*screams* Impatient answews f-fwom my gentwe tongue? +Fie, fie! you countewfeit, you puppet you! +HEWMIA. 'Puppet!' why so? *looks at you* Ay, that >_< way goes the g-game. +Nyow UwU I pewceive that she hath made c-compawe +Between ouw statuwes; she hath u-uwg'd h-hew height; +And with hew p-pewsonyage, hew taww pewsonyage, +Hew h-height, fowsooth, she hath pwevaiw'd *moans* with h-him. +A-And awe *hugs tightly* you gwown x3 so OwO high *looks at you* in his esteem +Because I am so dwawfish and s-so w-wow? +How wow am I, xDD thou painted UwU maypowe? Speak. +H-How w-wow am I? I am nyot yet *shuffles closer* so wow +But t-that my nyaiws x3 can weach unto t-thinye x3 eyes. +:3 HEWENyA. *leans over* I pway you, t-though UwU you mock :33 me, gentwemen, +Wet hew nyot huwt me. I was nyevew cuwst; +I have n-nyo gift at aww in shwewishnyess; +I am a wight maid fow my cowawdice; +^w^ Wet hew nyot stwike me. You pewhaps may think, +Because she is ;;w;; something wowew than mysewf, +T-That I-I can match hew. +H-HEWMIA. 'Wowew' hawk, again. +H-HEWENyA. Good Hewmia, do nyot be so bittew *leans over* with me. +*pokes you* I uWu evewmowe did wove you, H-Hewmia, +Did evew k-keep y-youw counsews, nyevew wwong'd you; +Save that, in wove unto Demetwius, +I *hugs tightly* towd >_> him of youw steawth unto xDD this wood. +He fowwowed you; fow wove I fowwowed *twerks* him; +But he hath chid me hence, and thweat'nyed me +To stwike me, spuwn m-me, nyay, t-to kiww me t-too; +*cries* And nyow, s-so you wiww wet me quiet go, +To Athens wiww I beaw my fowwy back, +*leans over* And fowwow you nyo fuwthew. Wet m-me go. +You see how simpwe and *sweats* how f-fond I a-am. +H-HEWMIA. Why, get you gonye! Who is't that *leans over* hindews y-you? +HEWENyA. A foowish *sighs* heawt that I-I weave hewe b-behind. +HEWMIA. What! with Wysandew? +HEWENyA. With *moans* Demetwius. +WYSANDEW. B-Be nyot afwaid; >_< she shaww nyot hawm thee, Hewenya. +DEMETWIUS. *shuffles closer* Nyo, siw, she s-shaww nyot, though y-you take hew pawt. +HEWENyA. O, when she *shuffles closer* is angwy, she is k-keen a-and shwewd; +She was a vixen when *moans* she went t-to schoow; +And, though she be but wittwe, xDD she is >_> fiewce. +HEWMIA. 'Wittwe' again! N-Nyothing but '-'wow' ;;w;; and x3 'wittwe'! +Why wiww you suffew hew to fwout me *shuffles closer* thus? +^.^ Wet me come to hew. +WYSANDEW. Get you gonye, you dwawf; +You m-minyimus, of hind'wing knyot-gwass made; +You bead, *notices bulge* you acown. +*cries* DEMETWIUS. You awe too officious +In hew ^-^ behawf :3 that >_> scowns y-youw sewvices. +Wet hew awonye; speak nyot of Hewenya; +Take nyot hew pawt; fow if *teleports behind you* thou *giggles shyly* dost intend +Nyevew so wittwe show of wove to hew, +Thou s-shawt ^w^ aby it. +*notices bulge* WYSANDEW. Nyow she *sighs* howds me nyot. +Nyow fowwow, if thou daw'st, to twy whose w-wight, +Of thinye ow minye, is most >_> in Hewenya. +DEMETWIUS. ^-^ Fowwow! Nyay, I'ww go with thee, cheek by j-joww. +Exeunt WYSANDEW and DEMETWIUS +H-HEWMIA. You, mistwess, aww this c-coiw is *giggles shyly* wong o-of you. +Nyay, go nyot back. +HEWENyA. I *giggles shyly* wiww n-nyot twust y-you, I; +Nyow wongew *notices bulge* stay in youw cuwst company. +>w< Youw hands than minye awe quickew fow a fway; +My wegs awe wongew though, to w-wun away. Exit +HEWMIA. I a-am amaz'd, *teleports behind you* and knyow nyot *notices bulge* what to say. Exit +OBEWON. This is thy *moans* nyegwigence. Stiww thou mistak'st, +Ow ewse committ'st t-thy knyavewies wiwfuwwy. +PUCK. Bewieve m-me, king of s-shadows, I mistook. +Did n-nyot you teww me uWu I shouwd k-knyow the :33 man +By the Athenyian g-gawments he h-had on? +And so faw bwamewess pwoves my entewpwise +>w< That I-I have '-'nyointed an A-Athenyian's eyes; +And so faw am I gwad it ^w^ so *screams* did sowt, +As this t-theiw j-jangwing I *giggles shyly* esteem a s-spowt. +OBEWON. Thou s-seest these wovews seek *sweats* a pwace to fight. +*pokes you* Hie *looks at you* thewefowe, Wobin, ovewcast *twerks* the nyight; +The *notices bulge* stawwy w-wewkin covew thou a-anyon +With *sighs* dwooping fog as bwack as *blushes* Achewon, +And ;;w;; wead these testy wivaws so *looks away* astway +As onye c-come nyot within anyothew's way. +*notices bulge* Wike to Wysandew s-sometime fwame thy tongue, +Then stiw Demetwius up with bittew *looks away* wwong; +uWu And sometime waiw thou wike Demetwius; +And fwom each o-othew wook thou w-wead them thus, +Tiww o'ew *pokes you* theiw bwows death-countewfeiting sweep +With weaden wegs and *shuffles closer* batty wings doth cweep. +Then cwush this hewb into Wysandew's eye; +Whose wiquow hath this v-viwtuous p-pwopewty, +To t-take fwom thence aww ewwow with his might +And m-make his e-eyebawws woww *leans over* with *sighs* wonted sight. +When ^w^ they nyext wake, aww this dewision +Shaww seem a dweam >_< and fwuitwess vision; +And back to Athens s-shaww the w-wovews w-wend +With weague whose date tiww d-death uWu shaww nyevew end. +Whiwes I in this affaiw do thee ^w^ empwoy, +I'ww *teleports behind you* to my queen, and beg hew Indian boy; +And then I wiww hew *looks away* chawmed eye wewease +Fwom monstew's *looks away* view, and aww things shaww *teleports behind you* be p-peace. +UwU PUCK. My faiwy *sweats* wowd, this must be donye with *leans over* haste, +F-Fow nyight's swift dwagons cut the cwouds fuww fast; +A-And yondew shinyes Auwowa's ;;w;; hawbingew, +At whose appwoach ;;w;; ghosts, wand'wing hewe and thewe, +T-Twoop *screams* home to chuwchyawds. Damnyed spiwits aww +That in >_< cwoss-ways and fwoods have buwiaw, +*hugs tightly* Awweady to theiw *looks away* wowmy beds awe gonye, +Fow feaw west day ^.^ shouwd wook theiw shames upon; +They wiwfuwwy themsewves exiw'd fwom wight, +OwO And must *blushes* fow aye consowt with >_< bwack-bwow'd nyight. +OBEWON. But we *shuffles closer* awe *screams* spiwits of anyothew sowt: +I with the Mownying's *teleports behind you* wove have oft made spowt; +And, wike a-a fowestew, the gwoves may twead +Even tiww the eastewn ^.^ gate, aww fiewy UwU wed, +*sweats* Openying on *moans* Nyeptunye with *cries* faiw bwessed beams, +*cries* Tuwns into yewwow gowd h-his sawt gween stweams. +But, n-nyotwithstanding, h-haste, make nyo deway; +We may effect this *shuffles closer* businyess yet ewe *giggles shyly* day. *leans over* Exit OBEWON +PUCK. Up and *screams* down, up and OwO down, +I wiww wead them up and down. +I am feaw'd in fiewd x3 and *notices bulge* town. +Gobwin, wead them ^w^ up and down. +H-Hewe comes onye. + +xDD Entew WYSANDEW + +WYSANDEW. W-Whewe awt thou, pwoud D-Demetwius? Speak thou nyow. +PUCK. Hewe, viwwain, dwawn and w-weady. *shuffles closer* Whewe awt thou? +W-WYSANDEW. *shuffles closer* I wiww be with thee UwU stwaight. +P-PUCK. Fowwow me, then, +To pwainyew gwound. Exit WYSANDEW as f-fowwowing *sweats* the voice + +Entew D-DEMETWIUS + +DEMETWIUS. *twerks* Wysandew, speak again. +Thou xDD wunyaway, thou c-cowawd, a-awt thou fwed? +Speak! ;;w;; In some bush? Whewe d-dost *blushes* thou *sweats* hide thy head? +*cries* PUCK. *giggles shyly* Thou cowawd, awt *looks at you* thou bwagging to the staws, +*moans* Tewwing the b-bushes *cries* that UwU thou wook'st fow waws, +*looks at you* And wiwt nyot come? Come, wecweant, come, thou chiwd; +I'ww whip t-thee with *giggles shyly* a wod. He i-is d-defiw'd +*twerks* That dwaws a swowd *looks at you* on thee. +DEMETWIUS. Yea, awt *screams* thou thewe? +PUCK. Fowwow my voice; we'ww twy nyo :3 manhood >_> hewe. Exeunt + +We-entew WYSANDEW + +WYSANDEW. He goes befowe m-me, and stiww dawes me on; +When *pokes you* I come whewe he cawws, then he is gonye. +The v-viwwain is much *sighs* wightew heew'd t-than I. +I fowwowed f-fast, but fastew he did *cuddles you* fwy, +That fawwen am I in dawk unyeven way, +And hewe *sweats* wiww >_< west me. [Wies down] :3 Come, thou xDD gentwe day. +F-Fow if *notices bulge* but once thou show m-me thy gwey wight, +I'ww find Demetwius, and wevenge this OwO spite. [Sweeps] + +We-entew *cries* PUCK and DEMETWIUS + +>_> PUCK. H-Ho, ho, ho! *twerks* Cowawd, why com'st thou nyot? +DEMETWIUS. >_< Abide me, if thou daw'st; f-fow weww *giggles shyly* I w-wot +Thou w-wun'st befowe m-me, shifting evewy *moans* pwace, +And daw'st x3 nyot stand, nyow wook me in the face. +W-Whewe a-awt thou nyow? +PUCK. Come hithew; *teleports behind you* I am *hugs tightly* hewe. +DEMETWIUS. N-Nyay, t-then, t-thou mock'st me. Thou shawt buy this deaw, +If evew I thy face by daywight see; +Nyow, go thy way. Faintnyess constwainyeth m-me +To measuwe *giggles shyly* out my wength on *shuffles closer* this cowd bed. +By day's appwoach wook to be visited. +[Wies down and sweeps] + +*sweats* Entew HEWENyA + +HEWENyA. O-O weawy *giggles shyly* nyight, O wong a-and tedious nyight, +Abate thy houws! Shinye comfowts fwom the east, +That I-I may back to Athens >w< by d-daywight, +Fwom these *looks at you* that m-my poow company detest. +And sweep, *looks at you* that sometimes shuts up sowwow's eye, +Steaw me awhiwe *moans* fwom minye own company. [Sweeps] +PUCK. Yet b-but thwee? Come UwU onye *cuddles you* mowe; +Two of both kinds makes up fouw. +Hewe she comes, cuwst and sad. +C-Cupid is a knyavish wad, +Thus to make poow femawes mad. + +Entew HEWMIA + +HEWMIA. Nyevew so weawy, *shuffles closer* nyevew so in woe, +*blushes* Bedabbwed w-with *giggles shyly* the dew, a-and town with bwiews, +*blushes* I can nyo fuwthew cwaww, nyo fuwthew go; +My wegs *sweats* can keep nyo UwU pace with my >_> desiwes. +Hewe wiww I west me tiww *moans* the *cries* bweak of day. +>w< Heavens shiewd W-Wysandew, if they mean a-a f-fway! +[Wies down a-and >w< sweeps] +PUCK. >w< On the gwound +Sweep s-sound; +I'ww a-appwy +To youw eye, +Gentwe wovew, wemedy. +[Squeezing the juice xDD on WYSANDEW'S eyes] +W-When thou wak'st, +Thou tak'st +Twue dewight +In the sight +Of thy fowmew *blushes* wady's eye; +And the countwy p-pwovewb knyown, +That evewy uWu man shouwd take his own, +In *screams* youw waking shaww be *blushes* shown: +Jack s-shaww *pokes you* have Jiww; +Nyought *screams* shaww go iww; +The man shaww have his mawe again, and a-aww shaww be x3 weww. +Exit + + + + +<-<_> GUTENBEWG ETEXT O-OF I-IWWINyOIS B-BENyEDICTINyE :33 COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY B-BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW Y-YOUW OW O-OTHEWS +P-PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) ;;w;; AWE *hugs tightly* NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED :3 COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION *twerks* INCWUDES B-BY *sweats* ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES *giggles shyly* FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW >w< FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +*twerks* ACT I-IV. S-SCENyE I-I. +The wood. WYSANDEW, DEMETWIUS, HEWENyA, and HEWMIA, wying asweep + +Entew TITANyIA and Bottom; *leans over* PEASEBWOSSOM, COBWEB, MOTH, MUSTAWDSEED, +*sweats* and o-othew FAIWIES attending; +OBEWON behind, unseen + +TITANyIA. *moans* Come, sit thee down >_< upon this f-fwow'wy bed, +Whiwe I thy amiabwe cheeks d-do coy, +And stick musk-woses x3 in thy s-sweek smooth head, +A-And kiss t-thy faiw wawge eaws, my gentwe joy. +BOTTOM. Whewe's Peasebwossom? +>w< PEASEBWOSSOM. W-Weady. +BOTTOM. Scwatch my head, Peasebwossom. +Whewe's Mounsieuw Cobweb? +COBWEB. Weady. +B-BOTTOM. Mounsieuw Cobweb; good mounsieuw, get you youw weapons in +youw hand and kiww me a wed-hipp'd >_< humbwe-bee >w< on *teleports behind you* the top of a-a +thistwe; and, good m-mounsieuw, bwing me t-the UwU honyey-bag. Do nyot fwet +youwsewf too much *pokes you* in the action, mounsieuw; and, good *twerks* mounsieuw, +have a cawe the *sweats* honyey-bag bweak nyot; I wouwd be woath to have y-you +ovewfwown *teleports behind you* with *sweats* a uWu honyey-bag, signyiow. Whewe's Mounsieuw +Mustawdseed? +M-MUSTAWDSEED. Weady. +BOTTOM. Give me youw :33 nyeaf, Mounsieuw Mustawdseed. xDD Pway you, weave +youw cuwtsy, good mounsieuw. +MUSTAWDSEED. What's *pokes you* youw wiww? +BOTTOM. Nyothing, good mounsieuw, but to hewp C-Cavawewy Cobweb to +^.^ scwatch. I must to the bawbew's, mounsieuw; fow methinks I am +mawvewwous *cries* haiwy a-about the face; a-and I am *twerks* such a tendew ass, if +my haiw do but tickwe me I must scwatch. +T-TITANyIA. *giggles shyly* What, wiwt thou heaw some music, my sweet wove? +BOTTOM. I have a w-weasonyabwe good eaw in music. Wet's h-have the tongs +*looks away* and the b-bonyes. +TITANyIA. Ow say, *teleports behind you* sweet wove, what thou desiwest t-to *giggles shyly* eat. +*notices bulge* BOTTOM. Twuwy, a peck of pwovendew; I *leans over* couwd munch youw good dwy +oats. Methinks I-I *sweats* have a gweat desiwe to a b-bottwe of hay. Good +hay, *giggles shyly* sweet hay, hath nyo fewwow. +TITANyIA. I have a-a ventuwous f-faiwy that shaww seek +T-The s-squiwwew's hoawd, and fetch thee nyew nyuts. +BOTTOM. *shuffles closer* I had wathew have a handfuw ow two of dwied peas. But, I +pway you, wet n-nyonye o-of y-youw peopwe stiw m-me; I-I have a-an exposition +of sweep come upon me. +TITANyIA. Sweep t-thou, *leans over* and I wiww OwO wind thee in m-my awms. +Faiwies, be gonye, and be a-aww ways *cries* away. Exeunt FAIWIES +So doth the w-woodbinye the sweet honyeysuckwe +*blushes* Gentwy entwist; the femawe ivy so +Enwings t-the *teleports behind you* bawky fingews of *notices bulge* the ewm. +O-O, how I wove thee! how *sweats* I dote on *cuddles you* thee! [They sweep] + +Entew PUCK + +OBEWON. ^-^ [Advancing] Wewcome, good Wobin. ^-^ Seest t-thou this sweet +sight? +*cuddles you* Hew dotage nyow I d-do begin to pity; +Fow, meeting hew of wate behind >w< the wood, +Seeking sweet favouws fow this hatefuw foow, +*blushes* I d-did ^-^ upbwaid hew and faww *screams* out with hew. +Fow she his haiwy tempwes then had w-wounded +With cowonyet of fwesh uWu and fwagwant fwowews; +And that same d-dew which sometime *shuffles closer* on the buds +W-Was *teleports behind you* wont to sweww wike >_> wound and *leans over* owient peawws +Stood nyow within the pwetty fwowewets' eyes, +Wike teaws that :3 did theiw o-own disgwace *looks at you* bewaiw. +When I had a-at my pweasuwe taunted hew, +And she in m-miwd tewms begg'd my patience, +I >w< then uWu did ^.^ ask of hew hew changewing chiwd; +*blushes* Which *blushes* stwaight she gave *giggles shyly* me, *pokes you* and hew faiwy >_< sent +To beaw him to *sweats* my bowew in faiwy w-wand. +And n-nyow I have *shuffles closer* the boy, I wiww undo +This h-hatefuw impewfection of hew *teleports behind you* eyes. +And, gentwe >_> Puck, take this twansfowmed scawp +F-Fwom off *screams* the *sweats* head ;;w;; of this Athenyian x3 swain, +That he a-awaking when *shuffles closer* the *cuddles you* othew do +May aww to Athens back again wepaiw, +And ;;w;; think n-nyo mowe of this *leans over* nyight's accidents +But as the fiewce vexation o-of a dweam. +But fiwst I wiww wewease *looks away* the Faiwy Q-Queen. +*blushes* [Touching h-hew *shuffles closer* eyes] +Be as thou wast OwO wont to be; +S-See as thou *sweats* was wont to see. +Dian's bud o'ew Cupid's fwowew +Hath such fowce and bwessed *shuffles closer* powew. +N-Nyow, my *sweats* Titanyia; wake you, ;;w;; my sweet queen. +*pokes you* TITANyIA. My Obewon! What visions have I-I seen! +Methought I was enyamouw'd of an ass. +O-OBEWON. Thewe wies youw wove. +TITANyIA. How came t-these things *giggles shyly* to pass? +O, how minye eyes do woathe :3 his visage nyow! +OBEWON. ^.^ Siwence awhiwe. Wobin, take off this head. +Titanyia, music caww; and stwike mowe dead +Than common s-sweep of a-aww these five the s-sense. +TITANyIA. Music, ho, music, such as chawmeth sweep! +*sweats* PUCK. N-Nyow when thou >w< wak'st *screams* with thinye own *teleports behind you* foow's eyes peep. +*looks at you* OBEWON. Sound, music. Come, *sighs* my Queen, take hands with me, +[Music] +And *looks at you* wock the gwound wheweon t-these sweepews *cuddles you* be. +Nyow t-thou >_< and I awe nyew i-in a-amity, +And wiww t-to-mowwow midnyight sowemnwy +Dance in Duke Theseus' *shuffles closer* house twiumphantwy, +And bwess it *cuddles you* to aww faiw pwospewity. +Thewe shaww the paiws of faithfuw w-wovews be +Wedded, w-with Theseus, a-an in jowwity. +P-PUCK. Faiwy King, a-attend and m-mawk; +I do heaw the mownying >_> wawk. +OBEWON. T-Then, my Queen, in *sighs* siwence sad, +Twip we aftew nyight's shade. +We the g-gwobe can compass soon, +Swiftew than the wand'wing moon. +TITANyIA. Come, my wowd; and in ouw *sweats* fwight, +Teww *twerks* me h-how it *blushes* came t-this nyight +T-That I-I sweeping hewe was found +With >w< these mowtaws on the gwound. Exeunt + +To the winding of howns, entew THESEUS, *leans over* HIPPOWYTA, +*pokes you* EGEUS, and twain + +THESEUS. Go, onye *cuddles you* of you, find out the *looks at you* fowestew; +Fow nyow ;;w;; ouw obsewvation is pewfowm'd, +A-And since we have *sighs* the vawawd of the d-day, +My wove shaww *pokes you* heaw the music of my hounds. +Uncoupwe *giggles shyly* in the westewn vawwey; wet them go. +D-Dispatch, I s-say, and find the fowestew. Exit an ATTENDANT +We wiww, faiw Queen, up to the mountain's *moans* top, +And mawk the m-musicaw confusion +Of hounds and echo in conjunction. +HIPPOWYTA. I-I was with Hewcuwes and Cadmus once +When in a ^.^ wood of Cwete they bay'd *moans* the *notices bulge* beaw +With hounds of Spawta; nyevew did I heaw +Such gawwant chiding, fow, b-besides the g-gwoves, +The skies, the *giggles shyly* fountains, evewy wegion n-nyeaw +Seem'd aww onye mutuaw cwy. I nyevew heawd +So musicaw a discowd, such sweet thundew. +*leans over* THESEUS. My hounds awe bwed out of the *looks at you* Spawtan kind, +So fwew'd, so :33 sanded; and theiw heads a-awe hung +With e-eaws that sweep away the mownying d-dew; +Cwook-knyee'd and dew-wapp'd wike Thessawian b-buwws; +Swow in puwsuit, but match'd in mouth w-wike bewws, +Each undew *notices bulge* each. A-A cwy mowe tunyeabwe +Was nyevew howwa'd to, OwO nyow cheew'd with hown, +In Cwete, i-in Spawta, n-nyow in *giggles shyly* Thessawy. +Judge when you heaw. But, soft, what nymphs awe these? +EGEUS. xDD My wowd, this is my daughtew hewe asweep, +And this UwU Wysandew, this Demetwius is, +This Hewenya, owd Nyedaw's Hewenya. +I wondew of theiw being hewe t-togethew. +THESEUS. Nyo doubt t-they wose up eawwy to obsewve +The wite of May; and, heawing ouw intent, +Came hewe in g-gwace of ouw sowemnyity. +But speak, Egeus; is nyot this the day +T-That *shuffles closer* Hewmia shouwd g-give answew >_> of hew choice? +E-EGEUS. I-It is, my wowd. +THESEUS. G-Go, bid the huntsmen wake them with theiw howns. +[Howns and shout ;;w;; within. The sweepews +a-awake *sighs* and *screams* knyeew t-to THESEUS] +Good-mowwow, f-fwiends. Saint Vawentinye is past; +Begin these wood-biwds but to coupwe nyow? +WYSANDEW. Pawdon, my wowd. +THESEUS. ^w^ I pway you aww, stand up. +I *sighs* knyow y-you two awe wivaw enyemies; +How comes this gentwe concowd in :3 the wowwd +That OwO hatwed is so faw fwom jeawousy +To sweep by *hugs tightly* hate, xDD and f-feaw nyo enmity? +>_< WYSANDEW. My wowd, I s-shaww wepwy a-amazedwy, +*sweats* Hawf sweep, x3 hawf waking; but as yet, I-I sweaw, +I cannyot twuwy say how I c-came hewe, +But, as I think- fow twuwy wouwd I-I speak, +And nyow I do bethink *sweats* me, so it is- +I-I came with Hewmia hithew. O-Ouw intent +Was *pokes you* to be gonye fwom Athens, whewe we m-might, +Without *hugs tightly* the p-pewiw of *giggles shyly* the >_> Athenyian :33 waw- +EGEUS. Enyough, enyough, my Wowd; you have enyough; +I-I beg the waw, the *looks away* waw *looks away* upon his head. +They wouwd have stow'n *pokes you* away, they wouwd, Demetwius, +*leans over* Theweby to have defeated you and me: +You *sighs* of youw wife, and me of my ^.^ consent, +Of my consent that *teleports behind you* she s-shouwd be youw wife. +DEMETWIUS. My wowd, faiw Hewen towd me of theiw *screams* steawth, +Of this theiw uWu puwpose hithew to this wood; +And I-I in fuwy hithew fowwowed uWu them, +Faiw Hewenya in fancy fowwowing *shuffles closer* me. +B-But, my good wowd, I wot nyot by w-what powew- +But by some powew it is- my wove to H-Hewmia, +Mewted as *blushes* the s-snyow, s-seems to me nyow +A-As the wemembwance of an idwe gaud +Which in my chiwdhood I d-did dote upon; +And aww the f-faith, *sweats* the *pokes you* viwtue of my heawt, +The object and the pweasuwe o-of minye eye, +Is onwy Hewenya. To *looks at you* hew, my wowd, +Was I b-betwoth'd ewe I-I s-saw Hewmia. +But, wike a s-sicknyess, did I woathe this food; +But, as UwU in heawth, come t-to my nyatuwaw taste, +Nyow I do wish it, wove it, xDD wong fow it, +A-And wiww fow evewmowe be twue to it. +THESEUS. Faiw wovews, you uWu awe fowtunyatewy met; +Of this discouwse we mowe wiww heaw anyon. +Egeus, xDD I wiww ovewbeaw youw w-wiww; +Fow in the tempwe, b-by and by, with us +These coupwes shaww etewnyawwy xDD be knyit. +And, fow the mownying nyow is something wown, +Ouw puwpos'd h-hunting shaww be set aside. +Away *pokes you* with us t-to Athens, t-thwee and thwee; +We'ww howd xDD a feast in gweat s-sowemnyity. +Come, Hippowyta. +Exeunt THESEUS, *looks away* HIPPOWYTA, EGEUS, and twain +*sighs* DEMETWIUS. These things s-seem s-smaww and undistinguishabwe, +Wike faw-off mountains tuwnyed into *looks away* cwouds. +HEWMIA. Methinks I see these things *moans* with pawted eye, +*teleports behind you* When evewy thing seems ^-^ doubwe. +HEWENyA. So methinks; +And I have found Demetwius wike a jewew, +Minye own, *teleports behind you* and nyot minye own. +D-DEMETWIUS. Awe *blushes* you suwe +That we awe awake? It seems to me +That y-yet we sweep, we dweam. Do n-nyot you t-think +The Duke was *notices bulge* hewe, and b-bid us fowwow h-him? +HEWMIA. Yea, and *moans* my fathew. +HEWENyA. And Hippowyta. +WYSANDEW. And he d-did bid us fowwow t-to the tempwe. +DEMETWIUS. UwU Why, then, we a-awe uWu awake; wet's fowwow him; +And by the way wet u-us wecount ouw dweams. Exeunt +BOTTOM. [-[Awaking] When m-my cue comes, caww me, a-and I w-wiww answew. My +nyext is 'Most faiw P-Pywamus.' Heigh-ho! Petew Quince! Fwute, the +bewwows-mendew! *leans over* Snyout, the tinkew! Stawvewing! God's *cries* my wife, +stow'n hence, and weft me *twerks* asweep! *giggles shyly* I have had a most wawe vision. +I have h-had a dweam, past t-the wit o-of m-man t-to say what dweam *sweats* it was. +Man is x3 but uWu an ass x3 if he go ;;w;; about to expound this dweam. Methought +I was- thewe is :3 nyo man can teww what. Methought I w-was, *pokes you* and +methought *looks at you* I h-had, but m-man is but a *looks away* patch'd :3 foow, if he wiww offew +to say what methought I-I had. The eye of man h-hath nyot heawd, t-the +eaw of man hath nyot seen, man's hand is nyot abwe to taste, his +tongue to c-conceive, nyow his h-heawt to w-wepowt, what :33 my *leans over* dweam was. I +wiww get Petew :33 Quince to wwite a-a bawwad of this d-dweam. It shaww +be caww'd 'Bottom's Dweam,' because i-it hath nyo bottom; and I-I *sweats* wiww +sing it i-in the wattew end of a pway, befowe *cries* the Duke. +*notices bulge* Pewadventuwe, to make it t-the mowe g-gwacious, *sweats* I shaww sing it at +hew death. Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Athens. QUINCE'S house + +Entew QUINCE, FWUTE, SNyOUT, and STAWVEWING + +QUINCE. H-Have x3 you sent to Bottom's house? Is he come *notices bulge* home yet? +STAWVEWING. He cannyot b-be h-heawd of. Out *twerks* of doubt xDD he is twanspowted. +FWUTE. If he come nyot, then the pway is maww'd; it g-goes *teleports behind you* nyot +*looks at you* fowwawd, doth it? +QUINCE. xDD It is nyot possibwe. UwU You h-have nyot a man in aww A-Athens :33 abwe +*notices bulge* to dischawge Pywamus but he. +FWUTE. Nyo; he h-hath simpwy the :33 best wit of *blushes* any handicwaft man *sighs* in +Athens. +QUINCE. Yea, and the best pewson too; and he is >_< a vewy p-pawamouw fow +a s-sweet voice. +FWUTE. You must say 'pawagon.' A pawamouw is- God bwess u-us!- A +thing of nyaught. + +Entew SNyUG + +SNyUG. M-Mastews, the Duke is c-coming ^w^ fwom the t-tempwe; and thewe x3 is two +ow t-thwee xDD wowds and OwO wadies mowe mawwied. If ouw spowt had *shuffles closer* gonye +fowwawd, w-we had aww been made men. +FWUTE. O sweet buwwy ^w^ Bottom! Thus hath he *blushes* wost >_> sixpence a day +duwing his wife; he couwd n-nyot have scaped sixpence a day. An the +>_< Duke had nyot given him sixpence a day f-fow pwaying P-Pywamus, >w< I'ww +be *sighs* hanged. He wouwd have d-desewved it: sixpence a day in Pywamus, +ow nyothing. + +Entew B-BOTTOM + +BOTTOM. Whewe awe *hugs tightly* these wads? Whewe awe these heawts? +*looks at you* QUINCE. Bottom! O most *looks at you* couwageous day! O most h-happy houw! +BOTTOM. Mastews, I *cuddles you* am to discouwse wondews; but *looks away* ask me nyot what; +fow :3 if I teww you, I am nyot twue *blushes* Athenyian. xDD I >w< wiww t-teww you +e-evewything, wight as it feww o-out. +QUINCE. W-Wet us h-heaw, *looks away* sweet Bottom. +BOTTOM. *sweats* Nyot a *cuddles you* wowd of me. Aww that I wiww teww you is, that *leans over* the +D-Duke hath dinyed. Get y-youw appawew togethew; g-good stwings to *notices bulge* youw +beawds, nyew wibbons *cries* to *sighs* youw pumps; meet pwesentwy at the pawace; +evewy man wook o'ew >_> his pawt; OwO fow t-the showt and the wong is, ouw +pway is pwefeww'd. In any case, wet Thisby ^w^ have c-cwean winyen; and +wet nyot him that pways the wion pawe his nyaiws, fow *teleports behind you* they shaww +hang out fow the wion's cwaws. And, m-most deaw a-actows, ;;w;; eat *shuffles closer* nyo +o-onyions nyow g-gawwic, fow we awe to uttew sweet b-bweath; and I do nyot +doubt *teleports behind you* but to heaw t-them say it is a sweet comedy. Nyo mowe wowds. +Away, go, away! Exeunt + + + + +<-<> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I. +*hugs tightly* Athens. T-The pawace of THESEUS + +uWu Entew THESEUS, HIPPOWYTA, P-PHIWOSTWATE, WOWDS, and ATTENDANTS + +^w^ HIPPOWYTA. 'Tis stwange, my Theseus, that these wovews speak of. +THESEUS. Mowe stwange than twue. I-I n-nyevew may x3 bewieve +These antique fabwes, *cuddles you* nyow these faiwy t-toys. +W-Wovews a-and madmen have such seething bwains, +Such shaping fantasies, that appwehend +Mowe t-than coow weason evew compwehends. +The wunyatic, the wovew, and the poet, +Awe of imaginyation aww compact. +Onye sees mowe *twerks* deviws than vast heww can *cuddles you* howd; +That is the madman. The w-wovew, aww as f-fwantic, +Sees Hewen's UwU beauty in a bwow of Egypt. +The poet's eye, in a *hugs tightly* finye fwenzy wowwing, +Doth gwance fwom heaven t-to eawth, fwom eawth to *shuffles closer* heaven; +And as imaginyation bodies fowth +The fowms of t-things *leans over* unknyown, the x3 poet's pen +Tuwns t-them to shapes, and gives t-to aiwy nyothing +A wocaw habitation *teleports behind you* and x3 a nyame. +Such *sweats* twicks h-hath stwong i-imaginyation +That, if it wouwd but appwehend some joy, +*cries* It compwehends some bwingew of that joy; +OwO Ow in the >_> nyight, imaginying s-some feaw, +How UwU easy is a-a bush suppos'd a beaw? +HIPPOWYTA. But aww t-the stowy of *sweats* the nyight towd o-ovew, +And aww theiw minds t-twansfiguw'd so *cries* togethew, +Mowe witnyesseth than fancy's images, +And gwows to something of g-gweat constancy, +But howsoevew >_< stwange and admiwabwe. + +Entew WYSANDEW, DEMETWIUS, HEWMIA, *hugs tightly* and *blushes* HEWENyA + +THESEUS. Hewe come the w-wovews, fuww of joy and miwth. +Joy, gentwe fwiends, joy and fwesh days o-of wove +A-Accompany youw heawts! +W-WYSANDEW. M-Mowe than to us +Wait in youw woyaw wawks, youw boawd, *cuddles you* youw bed! +*looks away* THESEUS. Come nyow; what masques, what dances shaww we have, +To weaw away this wong age of thwee houws +Between ouw aftew-suppew and bed-time? +Whewe *looks at you* is ouw usuaw manyagew of miwth? +What wevews awe in hand? ^-^ Is thewe n-nyo pway +To ease the :3 anguish of a t-towtuwing *hugs tightly* houw? +Caww Phiwostwate. +PHIWOSTWATE. H-Hewe, mighty Theseus. +T-THESEUS. Say, w-what a-abwidgment have *blushes* you fow this e-evenying? +What masque? what music? How shaww we beguiwe +*giggles shyly* The w-wazy OwO time, i-if nyot with *shuffles closer* some dewight? +PHIWOSTWATE. *shuffles closer* Thewe is a-a bwief how many spowts >w< awe wipe; +Make choice o-of which youw H-Highnyess *leans over* wiww ^.^ see fiwst. +[Giving a papew] +>w< THESEUS. 'The battwe with the Centauws, to be sung +By an Athenyian *giggles shyly* eunyuch to the h-hawp.' +We'ww nyonye ^-^ of ^.^ that: that ^.^ have I towd my wove, +In gwowy *sighs* of my kinsman :3 Hewcuwes. +'The wiot o-of the tipsy Bacchanyaws, +Teawing the Thwacian singew in theiw wage.' +That x3 is an owd device, and it was pway'd +When I fwom T-Thebes came *hugs tightly* wast a conquewow. +'The t-thwice thwee Muses mouwnying fow the death +UwU Of Weawnying, w-wate deceas'd in beggawy.' +That is some satiwe, keen and cwiticaw, +Nyot sowting with >_> a nyuptiaw *notices bulge* cewemony. +*hugs tightly* 'A tedious bwief scenye of young Pywamus +And h-his wove Thisby; vewy twagicaw miwth.' +Mewwy a-and twagicaw! tedious and bwief! +That is h-hot ice and wondwous stwange snyow. +How shaww we find the concowd of ^-^ this discowd? +PHIWOSTWATE. A pway thewe is, m-my wowd, s-some ten wowds wong, +Which is a-as bwief as ^w^ I h-have *leans over* knyown *screams* a pway; +But *sighs* by ten wowds, my *shuffles closer* wowd, it i-is *giggles shyly* too wong, +Which makes it tedious; *sighs* fow in aww the pway +Thewe is nyot >_< onye wowd apt, onye pwayew f-fitted. +>w< And twagicaw, my nyobwe wowd, it is; +*hugs tightly* Fow Pywamus thewein doth kiww ;;w;; himsewf. +Which when I saw *notices bulge* weheaws'd, I must confess, +Made minye eyes watew; b-but mowe mewwy t-teaws +The passion of woud w-waughtew n-nyevew shed. +T-THESEUS. What awe they that do pway it? +PHIWOSTWATE. ^-^ Hawd-handed men that wowk in Athens hewe, +Which nyevew wabouw'd in theiw minds tiww nyow; +And nyow have toiw'd theiw u-unbweathed m-memowies +With UwU this same :3 pway against youw ^.^ nyuptiaw. +THESEUS. And we wiww heaw *cuddles you* it. +*sighs* PHIWOSTWATE. Nyo, my nyobwe wowd, +It is nyot fow you. I have heawd it ovew, +And i-it *pokes you* is nyothing, uWu nyothing in t-the w-wowwd; +;;w;; Unwess ^.^ you c-can f-find spowt in theiw i-intents, +Extwemewy stwetch'd and conn'd with cwuew pain, +To do ^w^ you sewvice. +THESEUS. I wiww h-heaw that pway; +Fow nyevew anything can *pokes you* be amiss +:3 When simpwenyess and duty tendew it. +Go, bwing them in; *teleports behind you* and take youw pwaces, wadies. +Exit PHIWOSTWATE +HIPPOWYTA. I wove xDD nyot to *moans* see wwetchednyess o'ew-chawged, +uWu And >w< duty in h-his sewvice pewishing. +THESEUS. Why, ^.^ gentwe *sweats* sweet, you >_> shaww ^w^ see nyo such thing. +HIPPOWYTA. He says they can do nyothing in *cuddles you* this k-kind. +T-THESEUS. >_> The kindew we, to give them thanks fow nyothing. +Ouw spowt shaww be to take what they mistake; +A-And what poow d-duty :33 cannyot do, n-nyobwe wespect +Takes it in m-might, n-nyot mewit. +*sighs* Whewe I have come, gweat cwewks have :33 puwposed +*cries* To gweet me with pwemeditated wewcomes; +Whewe I have *shuffles closer* seen them >w< shivew and *giggles shyly* wook pawe, +*sighs* Make p-pewiods in the midst o-of sentences, +Thwottwe theiw *pokes you* pwactis'd accent in theiw *cries* feaws, +And, i-in concwusion, dumbwy have bwoke o-off, +N-Nyot paying me a-a wewcome. Twust me, sweet, +Out o-of t-this siwence y-yet I *leans over* pick'd a wewcome; +A-And in t-the modesty of feawfuw *teleports behind you* duty +*blushes* I wead as much as fwom the ^w^ wattwing tongue +Of saucy and audacious *blushes* ewoquence. +Wove, thewefowe, and tongue-tied simpwicity +In weast *looks at you* speak *pokes you* most xDD to my capacity. + +^w^ We-entew PHIWOSTWATE + +PHIWOSTWATE. SO pwease youw Gwace, the Pwowogue is *giggles shyly* addwess'd. +*sweats* THESEUS. Wet him appwoach. [Fwouwish *hugs tightly* of *twerks* twumpets] + +Entew QUINCE as the *cuddles you* PWOWOGUE + +PWOWOGUE. If we o-offend, it ^.^ is with *sighs* ouw good wiww. +That ^-^ you shouwd think, we come nyot ;;w;; to o-offend, +But with good wiww. To show *looks away* ouw simpwe skiww, +That i-is ;;w;; the twue beginnying of ouw e-end. +*giggles shyly* Considew then, we come but *sighs* in despite. +We d-do >_> nyot come, a-as m-minding to content you, +Ouw twue i-intent is. Aww f-fow *giggles shyly* youw dewight +We awe nyot hewe. That you *teleports behind you* shouwd hewe wepent y-you, +*leans over* The actows awe at band; ^w^ and, by theiw show, +You shaww knyow aww, that you *hugs tightly* awe w-wike to knyow, +THESEUS. T-This fewwow doth nyot stand upon points. +WYSANDEW. H-He hath *screams* wid his pwowogue wike a wough cowt; he knyows n-nyot +the stop. A good mowaw, *giggles shyly* my wowd: it is nyot enyough to s-speak, but +to s-speak twue. +HIPPOWYTA. I-Indeed h-he hath :3 pway'd *twerks* on this pwowogue w-wike a chiwd o-on a-a +wecowdew- a sound, but nyot in g-govewnment. +THESEUS. H-His s-speech was wike *blushes* a tangwed chain; nyothing im paiwed, +but aww disowdewed. Who is nyext? + +Entew, with a twumpet befowe t-them, as in dumb show, +uWu PYWAMUS and THISBY, >w< WAWW, MOONSHINyE, *notices bulge* and WION + +PWOWOGUE. xDD Gentwes, pewchance you w-wondew at this show; +B-But wondew o-on, tiww twuth >_> make aww things *sweats* pwain. +This ^-^ man is Pywamus, if you *pokes you* wouwd knyow; +This beauteous wady Thisby is cewtain. +This man, with wime and UwU wough-cast, doth pwesent +Waww, that v-viwe Waww which uWu did these wovews sundew; +*looks at you* And *screams* thwough Wawws chink, p-poow souws, they awe c-content +To whispew. At the which wet *hugs tightly* nyo man OwO wondew. +This m-man, with wanthown, d-dog, and bush of thown, +uWu Pwesenteth x3 Moonshinye; fow, if you wiww knyow, +By moonshinye *giggles shyly* did these wovews think n-nyo scown +To meet a-at Nyinyus' tomb, thewe, t-thewe to woo. +This g-gwiswy beast, which Wion hight by nyame, +The *giggles shyly* twusty Thisby, coming fiwst by nyight, +Did scawe a-away, ow w-wathew did affwight; +And as she fwed, hew mantwe s-she did faww; +^w^ Which *leans over* Wion viwe with bwoody mouth did stain. +Anyon comes Pywamus, sweet youth and *blushes* taww, +And finds his twusty Thisby's mantwe swain; +Wheweat with bwade, *twerks* with bwoody bwamefuw bwade, +He bwavewy bwoach'd his boiwing bwoody bweast; +And Thisby, *sweats* tawwying in *sweats* muwbewwy shade, +His daggew dwew, and died. Fow aww the west, +Wet Wion, uWu Moonshinye, Waww, and *looks at you* wovews twain, +At wawge discouwse w-whiwe hewe they do wemain. +Exeunt PWOWOGUE, PYWAMUS, THISBY, +W-WION, and MOONSHINyE +THESEUS. I ^-^ wondew if the wion be to speak. +D-DEMETWIUS. Nyo *moans* wondew, my wowd: onye wion may, *hugs tightly* when m-many asses ^.^ do. +WAWW. In this same intewwude *blushes* it doth befaww +That I, onye Snyout by nyame, pwesent a waww; +*shuffles closer* And such a waww as I w-wouwd have >_> you think +That had in it a cwannyied howe ow chink, +Thwough which the w-wovews, Pywamus and Thisby, +Did whispew often v-vewy secwetwy. +This woam, this wough-cast, and this stonye, doth show +That I am t-that OwO same waww; the twuth is *twerks* so; +And this t-the cwanny is, wight *teleports behind you* and sinyistew, +*looks away* Thwough which *giggles shyly* the UwU feawfuw wovews awe to whispew. +T-THESEUS. W-Wouwd you desiwe wime and haiw >w< to speak bettew? +DEMETWIUS. It OwO is the wittiest pawtition that *giggles shyly* evew I heawd +discouwse, my wowd. + +Entew PYWAMUS + +THESEUS. Pywamus dwaws *giggles shyly* nyeaw t-the waww; s-siwence. +PYWAMUS. O gwim-wook'd nyight! O nyight *twerks* with hue so bwack! +O >w< nyight, which *moans* evew ^.^ awt when day is n-nyot! +O nyight, *pokes you* O n-nyight, awack, awack, *leans over* awack, +I feaw m-my Thisby's *pokes you* pwomise is fowgot! +*teleports behind you* And t-thou, O waww, O sweet, O *teleports behind you* wovewy waww, +That stand'st between hew fathew's g-gwound and ;;w;; minye; +Thou waww, *screams* O uWu waww, O *teleports behind you* sweet *cries* and wovewy waww, +Show xDD me thy chink, to bwink thwough with minye ^-^ eynye. +[-[WAWW howds up his fingews] +Thanks, couwteous waww. Jove shiewd thee weww fow t-this! +But w-what see what *leans over* see I? N-Nyo Thisby do I see. +O-O wicked waww, thwough :33 whom *cries* I see nyo b-bwiss, +C-Cuws'd *notices bulge* he thy stonyes fow thus deceiving me! +THESEUS. The waww, *teleports behind you* methinks, being sensibwe, shouwd cuwse again. +PYWAMUS. ^-^ Nyo, in twuth, *leans over* siw, he shouwd nyot. *twerks* Deceiving me is T-Thisby's +*pokes you* cue. She is t-to e-entew nyow, and I a-am ;;w;; to *moans* spy hew thwough *leans over* the waww. +You shaww see it wiww faww p-pat as I t-towd *cries* you; y-yondew she comes. + +Entew THISBY + +THISBY. O waww, *blushes* fuww often h-hast thou beawd my moans, +Fow uWu pawting my faiw *cuddles you* Pywamus and me! +My chewwy wips h-have often kiss'd thy s-stonyes, +Thy stonyes *shuffles closer* with wime and haiw knyit up in thee. +PYWAMUS. I see a voice; *cries* nyow wiww I to the chink, +To s-spy an I can heaw my *blushes* Thisby's face. +Thisby! +THISBY. My wove! thou awt m-my wove, I t-think. +P-PYWAMUS. Think *moans* what thou *looks away* wiwt, I-I am thy w-wovew's gwace; +And wike Wimandew am I twusty stiww. +T-THISBY. And I-I wike Hewen, tiww the Fates me kiww. +*notices bulge* PYWAMUS. OwO Nyot Shafawus to Pwocwus was so twue. +THISBY. *leans over* As Shafawus to Pwocwus, I to you. +PYWAMUS. O-O, k-kiss x3 me thwough :33 the h-howe o-of ^w^ this viwe >_< waww. +T-THISBY. I-I *teleports behind you* kiss the waww's h-howe, nyot youw wips at xDD aww. +PYWAMUS. Wiwt thou at Nyinny's t-tomb meet me stwaightway? +*looks at you* THISBY. T-Tide wife, :3 tide death, I come without deway. +Exeunt PYWAMUS and THISBY +WAWW. Thus have I, Waww, x3 my pawt dischawged *sweats* so; +*blushes* And, b-being donye, thus Waww a-away ^.^ doth go. Exit W-WAWW +THESEUS. *looks away* Nyow is the moon used between the two nyeighbouws. +DEMETWIUS. *blushes* Nyo wemedy, m-my wowd, when w-wawws awe so wiwfuw to heaw +without wawnying. +HIPPOWYTA. This is the *looks at you* siwwiest stuff that x3 evew I heawd. +THESEUS. The b-best in *twerks* this *blushes* kind awe but shadows; and the wowst awe +nyo wowse, if imaginyation *looks away* amend OwO them. +HIPPOWYTA. It must be youw imaginyation t-then, a-and nyot theiws. +THESEUS. If we imaginye nyo *looks away* wowse of them than they of *notices bulge* themsewves, +they may pass fow excewwent men. H-Hewe come two nyobwe beasts in, a +man a-and a wion. + +Entew WION and MOONSHINyE + +W-WION. You, wadies, you, whose *moans* gentwe heawts do *sighs* feaw +The smawwest monstwous *giggles shyly* mouse that cweeps on fwoow, +May ^.^ nyow, pewchance, both quake and twembwe hewe, +When *sweats* wion wough in wiwdest wage doth woaw. +Then knyow that I as Snyug the joinyew am +A wion feww, nyow e-ewse nyo wion's dam; +Fow, if I *looks away* shouwd a-as wion come in stwife +Into this pwace, 'twewe pity on my w-wife. +THESEUS. A vewy gentwe *moans* beast, and of a good *looks at you* conscience. +DEMETWIUS. :33 The vewy *sighs* best at a beast, my wowd, that e'ew I saw. +W-WYSANDEW. This wion is a v-vewy fox fow his vawouw. +THESEUS. Twue; and a goose fow h-his discwetion. +DEMETWIUS. N-Nyot so, my wowd; OwO fow his vawouw cannyot *screams* cawwy his +discwetion, and the fox cawwies the goose. +THESEUS. His discwetion, I am suwe, c-cannyot cawwy his v-vawouw; fow +the goose cawwies nyot UwU the UwU fox. It is weww. Weave it to his +discwetion, and *cries* wet us wisten to the Moon. +MOONSHINyE. This wanthown doth the hownyed moon p-pwesent- +DEMETWIUS. He shouwd h-have *twerks* wown *shuffles closer* the howns on his *leans over* head. +*moans* THESEUS. He i-is nyo cwescent, and his howns awe invisibwe within the +ciwcumfewence. +*screams* MOONSHINyE. This wanthown doth t-the hownyed moon *cries* pwesent; +uWu Mysewf the Man i' th' Moon d-do seem to *sweats* be. +THESEUS. T-This *sighs* is the g-gweatest >_> ewwow of aww *cries* the west; the uWu man shouwd +b-be UwU put into the wantewn. How is it *sighs* ewse the man i-i' th' moon? +DEMETWIUS. ^.^ He dawes nyot *twerks* come thewe :33 fow the *moans* candwe; f-fow, you see, it +is awweady in snyuff. +H-HIPPOWYTA. I am aweawy of this x3 moon. Wouwd he w-wouwd change! +THESEUS. It appeaws, by :33 his smaww *sweats* wight of ^.^ discwetion, that he *twerks* is +in the wanye; but yet, in couwtesy, in aww weason, we must stay +the time. +WYSANDEW. Pwoceed, M-Moon. +M-MOON. Aww that I have to say is to *pokes you* teww *pokes you* you that the wanthown is +the moon; I, the Man i' th' Moon; this thown-bush, my thown-bush; +and this dog, my d-dog. +xDD DEMETWIUS. Why, aww these shouwd be in the wantewn; fow aww these +awe in the moon. :33 But siwence; hewe *cries* comes Thisby. + +W-We-entew THISBY + +THISBY. T-This is owd Nyinny's t-tomb. Whewe >_< is my wove? +WION. [Woawing] O- [THISBY wuns off] +DEMETWIUS. Weww woaw'd, Wion. +THESEUS. Weww wun, T-Thisby. +HIPPOWYTA. Weww shonye, Moon. Twuwy, the moon shinyes w-with a good +gwace. OwO [The WION teaws THISBY'S *leans over* Mantwe, and exit] +THESEUS. Weww m-mous'd, Wion. + +We-entew P-PYWAMUS + +DEMETWIUS. And then came Pywamus. +WYSANDEW. >w< And so the x3 wion vanyish'd. +PYWAMUS. Sweet M-Moon, I thank thee fow thy sunny beams; +I thank thee, *giggles shyly* Moon, fow shinying nyow so bwight; +Fow, b-by *giggles shyly* thy uWu gwacious g-gowden, gwittewing gweams, +I-I *hugs tightly* twust to take :33 of twuest Thisby sight. +But stay, O spite! +But mawk, poow knyight, +What *looks away* dweadfuw dowe is h-hewe! +Eyes, *looks at you* do you see? +How can i-it he? +O-O dainty duck! O deaw! +Thy mantwe good, +What! stain'd with :3 bwood? +Appwoach, ye Fuwies f-feww. +O uWu Fates! come, come; +Cut thwead and xDD thwum; +Q-Quaiw, cwush, concwude, and queww. +THESEUS. This passion, a-and *pokes you* the death o-of a *cuddles you* deaw fwiend, wouwd go +n-nyeaw t-to make a man wook s-sad. +H-HIPPOWYTA. Beshwew my heawt, but I pity the man. +PYWAMUS. O whewefowe, Nyatuwe, didst *looks at you* thou wions fwame? +Since wion viwe hath hewe defwowew'd m-my deaw; +Which is- nyo, nyo- >_> which was the faiwest *teleports behind you* dame +That *giggles shyly* wiv'd, that wov'd, that wik'd, that w-wook'd with ^-^ cheew. +Come, teaws, *twerks* confound; +Out, swowd, and *hugs tightly* wound +*notices bulge* The pap of Pywamus; +Ay, that weft pap, +Whewe heawt doth h-hop. [-[Stabs himsewf] +Thus die I, thus, thus, thus. +^-^ Nyow am I dead, +Nyow a-am I *sighs* fwed; +My souw :33 is in :33 the ^.^ sky. +Tongue, wose t-thy *cries* wight; +Moon, take thy *leans over* fwight. [Exit *cuddles you* MOONSHINyE] +Nyow die, die, die, *sweats* die, die. *looks away* [Dies] +DEMETWIUS. Nyo die, but an *shuffles closer* ace, fow him; fow he is ^w^ but *sweats* onye. +WYSANDEW. Wess than an ace, man; fow h-he is d-dead; he is nyothing. +THESEUS. W-With x3 the hewp of a suwgeon he might y-yet wecovew and *shuffles closer* yet +pwove a-an ass. +HIPPOWYTA. How c-chance Moonshinye is gonye befowe Thisby c-comes back +and *cuddles you* finds hew wovew? + +We-entew THISBY + +THESEUS. She OwO wiww find him by stawwight. Hewe she comes; and hew +passion *moans* ends the p-pway. +>w< HIPPOWYTA. Methinks s-she shouwd nyot use a w-wong onye fow s-such a +Pywamus; I hope she wiww be bwief. +DEMETWIUS. A mote w-wiww UwU tuwn the bawance, which *hugs tightly* Pywamus, which +Thisby, is the bettew- he *hugs tightly* fow a m-man, *looks at you* God wawwant us: *sighs* She fow a +>_> woman, God bwess *looks away* us! +WYSANDEW. S-She hath spied him *sweats* awweady w-with those sweet eyes. +*blushes* DEMETWIUS. And *sweats* thus she moans, ;;w;; videwicet:- +*moans* THISBY. Asweep, my w-wove? +What, dead, my dove? +O P-Pywamus, awise, +Speak, speak. Quite dumb? +Dead, dead? A-A tomb +Must covew thy *hugs tightly* sweet *moans* eyes. +These wiwy wips, +:33 This c-chewwy nyose, +These yewwow c-cowswip cheeks, +Awe gonye, a-awe gonye; +:33 Wovews, m-make moan; +His :33 eyes wewe gween as weeks. +O Sistews Thwee, +Come, come to me, +xDD With hands as pawe as miwk; +Way *sweats* them in gowe, +Since ;;w;; you h-have showe +With *sweats* sheaws his thwead UwU of siwk. +*sighs* Tongue, nyot a wowd. +Come, twusty swowd; +Come, bwade, my bweast imbwue. [Stabs hewsewf] +And faweweww, fwiends; +Thus Thisby ends; +A-Adieu, adieu, a-adieu. [Dies] +THESEUS. Moonshinye and Wion *looks away* awe weft to buwy the dead. +D-DEMETWIUS. Ay, and Waww too. +uWu BOTTOM. ^w^ [Stawting up] *screams* Nyo, I assuwe y-you; the waww is d-down that +p-pawted theiw fathews. W-Wiww it p-pwease you ^-^ to see the xDD Epiwogue, ow +to heaw a Bewgomask *cries* dance between two OwO of ouw company? +THESEUS. *sweats* Nyo epiwogue, I ^-^ pway you; fow youw *moans* pway ^.^ nyeeds nyo excuse. +Nyevew *shuffles closer* excuse; OwO fow when the pwayews awe aww dead t-thewe nyeed nyonye +to be >w< bwamed. *cries* Mawwy, if he *sweats* that wwit it had pwayed Pywamus, *cries* and +hang'd himsewf in Thisby's gawtew, it ^-^ wouwd h-have *cries* been a finye +*looks away* twagedy. A-And so it uWu is, t-twuwy; ^w^ and *hugs tightly* vewy nyotabwy *cries* dischawg'd. *blushes* But +come, youw >w< Bewgomask; OwO wet youw e-epiwogue awonye. [A dance] +The iwon tongue o-of m-midnyight hath towd twewve. +*shuffles closer* Wovews, to bed; 'tis awmost faiwy time. +*hugs tightly* I feaw w-we shaww out-sweep the coming >_> mown, +As much as we this nyight have *screams* ovewwatch'd. +This pawpabwe-gwoss pway hath w-weww *blushes* beguiw'd +The heavy gait of nyight. Sweet fwiends, to bed. +A-A fowtnyight howd ^-^ we this sowemnyity, +In >_< nyightwy wevews and n-nyew jowwity. Exeunt + +Entew PUCK *twerks* with a bwoom + +^.^ PUCK. Nyow the hungwy uWu wion woaws, +And the wowf behowws the moon; +Whiwst the heavy pwoughman snyowes, +Aww with weawy task fowdonye. +*hugs tightly* Nyow the :3 wasted *shuffles closer* bwands *leans over* do gwow, +*shuffles closer* Whiwst *moans* the scweech-oww, scweeching w-woud, +Puts the wwetch that wies in woe +In wemembwance of a shwoud. +Nyow i-it is >_> the t-time of nyight +T-That the gwaves, aww gaping w-wide, +UwU Evewy :33 onye wets fowth his spwite, +*screams* In :3 the chuwch-way paths to gwide. +And we faiwies, that do wun +By t-the twipwe Hecate's t-team +Fwom the pwesence of t-the sun, +Fowwowing dawknyess w-wike a dweam, +Nyow awe fwowic. Nyot a mouse +Shaww distuwb this hawwowed house. +:3 I a-am s-sent with bwoom befowe, +To sweep the dust behind the *shuffles closer* doow. + +E-Entew O-OBEWON and TITANyIA, *teleports behind you* with aww theiw twain + +OBEWON. Thwough the house give g-gwimmewing wight, +By the dead and dwowsy f-fiwe; +*cries* Evewy uWu ewf and faiwy spwite +Hop as wight as biwd fwom b-bwiew; +*sighs* And this ditty, >_> aftew me, +Sing and dance it twippingwy. +TITANyIA. *cries* Fiwst, *cuddles you* weheawse youw song by wote, +To each wowd a wawbwing nyote; +Hand i-in h-hand, with *sweats* faiwy gwace, +W-Wiww we :33 sing, and bwess this pwace. + +[OBEWON weading, *shuffles closer* the FAIWIES *screams* sing *moans* and dance] + +OBEWON. Nyow, untiw the b-bweak of day, +T-Thwough this house each faiwy stway. +To t-the best bwide-bed w-wiww :3 we, +Which by us shaww bwessed be; +A-And x3 the issue *cuddles you* thewe c-cweate +E-Evew shaww be *screams* fowtunyate. +So shaww aww t-the coupwes thwee +Evew twue *leans over* in woving be; +And the bwots of Nyatuwe's hand +Shaww nyot in theiw xDD issue stand; +Nyevew mowe, hawe-wip, nyow scaw, +Nyow mawk pwodigious, such as awe +Despised in nyativity, +UwU Shaww upon t-theiw *cuddles you* chiwdwen be. +With this fiewd-dew consecwate, +Evewy faiwy take his gait, +And each s-sevewaw chambew bwess, +T-Thwough t-this pawace, with sweet peace; +And the ownyew *twerks* of it bwest +Evew shaww in safety west. +Twip away; make nyo stay; +Meet m-me aww by bweak x3 of day. Exeunt :3 aww but PUCK +UwU PUCK. If we shadows h-have offended, +Think but this, *blushes* and aww is :3 mended, +*blushes* That you have but swumb'wed hewe +W-Whiwe these *sweats* visions did appeaw. +And this *notices bulge* weak and xDD idwe theme, +Nyo *shuffles closer* mowe yiewding *screams* but a dweam, +Gentwes, do *giggles shyly* nyot wepwehend. +If you pawdon, we wiww *shuffles closer* mend. +And, *leans over* as *hugs tightly* I am an honyest Puck, +If we have u-unyeawnyed wuck +Nyow to scape the sewpent's tongue, +We *leans over* wiww make amends ewe wong; +E-Ewse the Puck a-a wiaw caww. +So, good nyight unto you aww. +Give me youw hands, if we be fwiends, +And Wobin shaww westowe >_> amends. Exit + +THE END + + + +<> + + + + + +1599 + + +MUCH ADO ABOUT NyOTHING + + +by *shuffles closer* Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +Don Pedwo, Pwince of Awwagon. +Don J-John, his b-bastawd bwothew. +Cwaudio, a-a young wowd of Fwowence. +Benyedick, a Young wowd of Padua. +Weonyato, Govewnyow of Messinya. +Antonyio, an owd man, h-his bwothew. +B-Bawthasaw, attendant on Don Pedwo. +*giggles shyly* Bowachio, fowwowew of Don John. +Conwade, *twerks* fowwowew of ;;w;; Don John. +*sweats* Fwiaw Fwancis. +Dogbewwy, a Constabwe. +Vewges, a Headbowough. +A Sexton. +*cuddles you* A Boy. + +Hewo, daughtew to Weonyato. +Beatwice, nyiece to *teleports behind you* Weonyato. +*teleports behind you* Mawgawet, waiting gentwewoman attending on Hewo. +Uwsuwa, waiting gentwewoman attending on Hewo. + +Messengews, Watch, Attendants, etc. + + + + +<> + + + +SCENyE.--Messinya. + + +ACT I. Scenye I. +An owchawd befowe Weonyato's house. + +Entew Weonyato (Govewnyow of M-Messinya), *blushes* Hewo (his Daughtew), +and *moans* Beatwice (his Nyiece), with a Messengew. + +Weon. I weawn in this wettew that *looks away* Don P-Pedwo o-of Awwagon comes t-this +nyight to Messinya. +M-Mess. He is vewy nyeaw by this. H-He was nyot thwee weagues off when I +weft him. +Weon. How many gentwemen have UwU you wost in this action? +Mess. But ^w^ few of any sowt, and nyonye of nyame. +*blushes* Weon. A victowy is twice itsewf when the achievew bwings home fuww +nyumbews. I find hewe *notices bulge* that D-Don *sweats* Pedwo hath *pokes you* bestowed ^-^ much h-honyouw on +a-a young Fwowentinye cawwed Cwaudio. +Mess. *giggles shyly* Much desewv'd on his pawt, and equawwy wememb'wed by Don +Pedwo. He *leans over* hath b-bownye himsewf ;;w;; beyond the pwomise of his age, doing +in the figuwe *looks at you* of a wamb the feats of a wion. He hath indeed +b-bettew bett'wed expectation than you must *notices bulge* expect of m-me to teww +you how. +Weon. OwO He hath an uncwe hewe in M-Messinya wiww be >w< vewy much gwad of it. +M-Mess. I have awweady dewivewed him w-wettews, and thewe appeaws much +j-joy in h-him; *looks at you* even so much t-that *pokes you* joy c-couwd nyot show itsewf modest +enyough uWu without a badge o-of b-bittewnyess. +*blushes* Weon. ^-^ Did he bweak out into teaws? +Mess. In gweat measuwe. +Weon. A kind ovewfwow of kindnyess. T-Thewe a-awe nyo ^w^ faces t-twuew than +t-those *cuddles you* that awe so wash'd. How much >_< bettew i-is OwO it *leans over* to weep at joy +than to ^-^ joy at weeping! +Beat. ^-^ I p-pway you, is S-Signyiow *looks away* Mountanto wetuwn'd fwom the waws ow *twerks* nyo? +Mess. I knyow nyonye of that nyame, w-wady. Thewe *twerks* was *teleports behind you* nyonye such in >_> the +a-awmy of any sowt. +Weon. What *shuffles closer* is he t-that you ask *notices bulge* fow, *twerks* nyiece? +xDD Hewo. My cousin means Signyiow Benyedick of Padua. +Mess. O, he's wetuwn'd, and OwO as pweasant as e-evew he was. +B-Beat. :33 He set *leans over* up his biwws hewe in M-Messinya and *hugs tightly* chawweng'd Cupid at +the fwight, and *blushes* my uncwe's foow, weading the chawwenge, +subscwib'd fow Cupid and chawweng'd him at the buwbowt. I pway +you, how many xDD hath UwU he kiww'd a-and eaten ^w^ in these waws? But how +many hath he kiww'd? Fow indeed I pwomised to eat aww o-of his +kiwwing. +Weon. Faith, nyiece, UwU you *screams* tax S-Signyiow Benyedick too *cuddles you* much; but he'ww +be m-meet with y-you, I doubt it nyot. +Mess. *hugs tightly* He hath donye good sewvice, wady, in these waws. +*screams* Beat. You had musty v-victuaw, and he hath howp to e-eat it. H-He is a +*looks away* vewy vawiant twenchewman; he hath an excewwent ^-^ stomach. +Mess. And a good sowdiew too, wady. +Beat. A-And a g-good sowdiew to OwO a wady; b-but what is he ;;w;; to a wowd? +M-Mess. A wowd to a wowd, a man to >w< a man; stuff'd with a-aww h-honyouwabwe +v-viwtues. +xDD Beat. It is s-so indeed. He i-is nyo wess than *moans* a stuff'd man; but fow +the stuffing--weww, w-we awe aww mowtaw. +Weon. You must nyot, siw, ^-^ mistake my nyiece. Thewe *sweats* is a kind of *twerks* mewwy +waw betwixt >_< Signyiow Benyedick and hew. ;;w;; They nyevew meet but t-thewe's +a skiwmish of wit between them. +Beat. Awas, he >_< gets n-nyothing by *looks away* that! In ouw wast confwict fouw of +^.^ his five *pokes you* wits went hawting off, ^-^ and nyow is the whowe man govewn'd +with o-onye; *twerks* so that i-if h-he have wit enyough to *looks away* keep himsewf wawm, wet +him beaw i-it f-fow a diffewence between himsewf and h-his h-howse; *cries* fow +it is aww the weawth that he hath weft to *screams* be knyown a weasonyabwe +cweatuwe. >_< Who is his companyion nyow? He hath evewy month a nyew +s-swown b-bwothew. +Mess. Is't possibwe? +Beat. Vewy easiwy possibwe. UwU He weaws his f-faith *blushes* but as the fashion +of h-his hat; it ;;w;; evew changes with the nyext b-bwock. +Mess. I *blushes* see, *screams* wady, the gentweman is nyot *pokes you* in youw books. +Beat. Nyo. A-An he wewe, I w-wouwd buwn my study. But I-I pway you, who is +his *sighs* companyion? Is thewe n-nyo young squawew nyow that wiww make a +voyage w-with :3 him to the *twerks* deviw? +Mess. He is most in t-the company of the wight nyobwe Cwaudio. +Beat. O-O Wowd, he wiww h-hang u-upon him *notices bulge* wike a disease! He is s-soonyew +^.^ caught than the pestiwence, and the takew wuns pwesentwy mad. God +*cuddles you* hewp the n-nyobwe Cwaudio! If he ^.^ have caught the Benyedick, i-it w-wiww +cost *hugs tightly* him a thousand pound ewe 'a be c-cuwed. +Mess. uWu I wiww >_> howd fwiends *notices bulge* with you, w-wady. +*pokes you* Beat. D-Do, g-good uWu fwiend. +Weon. You *sweats* wiww nyevew wun mad, nyiece. +Beat. Nyo, nyot tiww a hot Janyuawy. +Mess. Don *notices bulge* Pedwo is ^-^ appwoach'd. + +Entew Don Pedwo, Cwaudio, Benyedick, Bawthasaw, and John the B-Bastawd. + +P-Pedwo. Good Signyiow Weonyato, awe ^w^ you come to m-meet youw t-twoubwe? The +fashion *moans* of ^w^ the wowwd *cuddles you* is to a-avoid cost, and you e-encountew i-it. +Weon. Nyevew came twoubwe to *blushes* my h-house in the wikenyess of youw G-Gwace; +fow twoubwe being gonye, comfowt *sweats* shouwd wemain; *cries* but when you depawt +*shuffles closer* fwom me, sowwow abides and happinyess takes his weave. +Pedwo. You embwace youw chawge too wiwwingwy. I-I think this is y-youw +*twerks* daughtew. +^w^ Weon. Hew OwO mothew hath many t-times *cuddles you* towd >_> me so. +Benye. Wewe you in doubt, s-siw, that you *screams* ask'd hew? +Weon. Signyiow Benyedick, nyo; f-fow then w-wewe y-you *cries* a chiwd. +Pedwo. You have it f-fuww, Benyedick. W-We may guess by *giggles shyly* this what y-you +awe, *blushes* being a man. T-Twuwy t-the wady fathews hewsewf. Be happy, wady; +*cuddles you* fow you awe wike an honyouwabwe fathew. +Benye. If Signyiow Weonyato be hew OwO fathew, she *shuffles closer* wouwd nyot have his head +on hew shouwdews ^.^ fow aww M-Messinya, as wike him as she is. +Beat. I wondew that you *screams* wiww stiww be *twerks* tawking, Signyiow Benyedick. +Nyobody mawks y-you. +Benye. What, my deaw Wady Disdain! awe you yet *moans* wiving? +Beat. Is it p-possibwe D-Disdain shouwd die whiwe she hath such meet +food *shuffles closer* to feed it as Signyiow Benyedick? *looks at you* Couwtesy itsewf must convewt +to disdain if you come in hew pwesence. +B-Benye. Then is couwtesy a t-tuwncoat. But it is cewtain I *twerks* am woved of +aww wadies, *twerks* onwy you e-excepted; and I wouwd *notices bulge* I couwd find in my +heawt that I-I *giggles shyly* had *moans* nyot a hawd h-heawt, fow twuwy I wove nyonye. +Beat. A deaw happinyess *looks at you* to women! They wouwd ewse h-have been t-twoubwed +w-with a *leans over* pewnyicious suitow. I t-thank G-God and >_> my cowd bwood, I am of +y-youw humouw fow that. I had wathew heaw my dog bawk a-at >_> a c-cwow +than a man sweaw he w-woves *twerks* me. +Benye. God keep *moans* youw wadyship stiww in that mind! *shuffles closer* So s-some gentweman +ow o-othew shaww scape a pwedestinyate scwatch'd face. +Beat. Scwatching couwd *leans over* nyot make it wowse an 'twewe such a face as +youws *leans over* wewe. +^-^ Benye. W-Weww, you awe *shuffles closer* a wawe pawwot-teachew. +Beat. A biwd of m-my tongue is bettew than a beast of youws. +Benye. I wouwd my *shuffles closer* howse had *sighs* the speed of youw tongue, a-and so good ^w^ a +continyuew. But k-keep youw way, >w< a God's n-nyame! I have *twerks* donye. +Beat. You awways end w-with *cuddles you* a jade's twick. I knyow you of owd. +Pedwo. That is the sum of aww, Weonyato. Signyiow Cwaudio and Signyiow +Benyedick, my deaw fwiend Weonyato x3 hath invited *hugs tightly* you *moans* aww. I teww him +we shaww stay hewe at the weast a month, a-and h-he heawtwy p-pways +some occasion may ^-^ detain us wongew. I dawe sweaw he is *cries* nyo +^w^ hypocwite, but pways *hugs tightly* fwom his h-heawt. +Weon. I-If you sweaw, my wowd, you shaww *looks at you* nyot be fowswown. [To ^-^ Don +John] Wet me bid you wewcome, *twerks* my wowd. Being weconciwed to the +Pwince youw bwothew, I owe you aww duty. +John. I thank you. I am nyot of many wowds, b-but I thank you. +Weon. Pwease it *cuddles you* youw Gwace wead on? +P-Pedwo. Youw >_< hand, Weonyato. We OwO wiww go togethew. +E-Exeunt. Manyent B-Benyedick and *screams* Cwaudio. +Cwaud. Benyedick, didst thou nyote t-the d-daughtew of Signyiow Weonyato? +Benye. I n-nyoted hew nyot, but I wook'd on hew. +C-Cwaud. Is she nyot a modest young wady? +Benye. Do you *shuffles closer* question ;;w;; me, as an honyest man shouwd d-do, *hugs tightly* fow my simpwe +twue judgment? ow wouwd y-you have me speak aftew my custom, *leans over* as +being a pwofessed tywant *cuddles you* to t-theiw s-sex? +Cwaud. :3 Nyo. I p-pway thee speak in sobew *giggles shyly* judgment. +Benye. Why, uWu i' faith, methinks she's too wow fow a h-high pwaise, +too bwown fow a faiw pwaise, and *shuffles closer* too wittwe fow a xDD gweat p-pwaise. +Onwy this commendation I can affowd h-hew, that wewe she xDD othew +than she is, she wewe unhandsome, and being *leans over* nyo othew but as she +is, I-I d-do nyot wike hew. +C-Cwaud. Thou thinkest I >w< am in spowt. I pway thee teww me twuwy xDD how +*looks at you* thou *shuffles closer* wik'st hew. +Benye. Wouwd *leans over* you buy hew, ^.^ that ^.^ you e-enquiwe a-aftew xDD hew? +*moans* Cwaud. Can the w-wowwd buy such a j-jewew? +Benye. Y-Yea, and *notices bulge* a case to put it into. But speak you t-this w-with a sad +bwow? ow do you pway the fwouting Jack, to *notices bulge* teww us Cupid i-is a +good hawe-findew and *cuddles you* Vuwcan a wawe cawpentew? Come, in what key +shaww a man t-take you to go in the song? +Cwaud. In *leans over* minye eye *giggles shyly* she i-is the sweetest *looks at you* wady that evew I-I wook'd *twerks* on. +Benye. *pokes you* I can see yet without spectacwes, *notices bulge* and I-I see nyo s-such mattew. +Thewe's hew cousin, an she wewe nyot p-possess'd *hugs tightly* with a fuwy,exceeds +hew as much in beauty as the fiwst of May doth the wast of +Decembew. But I hope you have nyo i-intent to tuwn husband, >_> have +you? +Cwaud. I-I wouwd *sweats* scawce twust mysewf, though I had swown the +contwawy, if Hewo wouwd be my wife. +OwO Benye. Is't come t-to >_> this? In faith, hath n-nyot the wowwd onye man UwU but +he wiww weaw x3 his cap with suspicion? Shaww I nyevew UwU see a +bachewow of thweescowe a-again? Go t-to, i' faith! An thou wiwt *notices bulge* nyeeds +thwust thy n-nyeck into a yoke, weaw the pwint of it and sigh away +Sundays. + +Entew Don Pedwo. + +Wook! Don Pedwo is wetuwnyed to seek y-you. +*blushes* Pedwo. What secwet *moans* hath hewd x3 you hewe, that x3 you fowwowed *sighs* nyot to +Weonyato's? +B-Benye. :3 I wouwd youw ;;w;; Gwace wouwd *teleports behind you* constwain me :3 to t-teww. +Pedwo. *sighs* I chawge t-thee on thy awwegiance. +Benye. You heaw, Count Cwaudio. >w< I can be secwet ^-^ as :33 a dumb :33 man, I +*giggles shyly* wouwd have you think so; but, on my ^.^ awwegiance--mawk you this-on +my x3 awwegiance! UwU he *pokes you* is in w-wove. W-With who? Nyow that is *cries* youw Gwace's +pawt. Mawk how showt his answew is: With Hewo, Weonyato's showt +daughtew. +Cwaud. I-If this wewe so, s-so wewe it utt'wed. +Benye. Wike *looks away* the o-owd *moans* tawe, my *blushes* wowd: 'It is n-nyot ;;w;; so, nyow ^-^ 'twas nyot s-so; +but indeed, God fowbid it *moans* shouwd be >_> so!' +Cwaud. *looks at you* If my p-passion change nyot showtwy, *giggles shyly* God fowbid it shouwd be +othewwise. +Pedwo. A-Amen, if :33 you wove hew; fow the wady is vewy weww *screams* wowthy. +Cwaud. You speak this uWu to fetch me in, m-my wowd. +Pedwo. By my twoth, *twerks* I >w< speak my thought. +Cwaud. And, ;;w;; in faith, my wowd, I spoke minye. +Benye. And, :3 by ^w^ my two f-faiths and twoths, my wowd, I spoke minye. +Cwaud. That *cuddles you* I w-wove hew, I feew. +Pedwo. uWu That she is w-wowthy, I knyow. +Benye. That I nyeithew f-feew how she shouwd be woved, nyow knyow h-how she +shouwd be wowthy, is the opinyion that xDD fiwe cannyot mewt out of m-me. +I wiww die in it at the stake. +Pedwo. T-Thou wast evew an o-obstinyate hewetic in the despite *leans over* of +beauty. +Cwaud. *cries* And nyevew couwd maintain his pawt but in the fowce of h-his +wiww. +Benye. T-That a-a woman conceived me, I thank hew; that she bwought me +up, I wikewise *hugs tightly* give hew most humbwe thanks; but that *pokes you* I wiww have +a wechate w-winded i-in my fowehead, o-ow hang my *giggles shyly* bugwe in *cuddles you* an invisibwe +bawdwick, a-aww women ^-^ shaww pawdon me. Because I wiww nyot do them +the wwong t-to mistwust *moans* any, I-I wiww do mysewf the wight t-to twust +nyonye; and the finye *sweats* is (fow the *pokes you* which I *pokes you* may go the finyew), *pokes you* I >_> wiww +wive a bachewow. +Pedwo. I shaww *twerks* see *sighs* thee, ewe I die, wook pawe with wove. +B-Benye. With x3 angew, with sicknyess, ow with h-hungew, m-my wowd; nyot w-with +*sighs* wove. Pwove that evew I wose m-mowe bwood with wove than I-I wiww get +again with dwinking, xDD pick out minye eyes ^w^ with a-a bawwad-makew's pen +*shuffles closer* and h-hang me up at the doow of *hugs tightly* a bwothew house fow the *looks at you* sign of +bwind *blushes* Cupid. +Pedwo. Weww, if evew thou dost faww ^-^ fwom this faith, t-thou *looks away* wiwt +pwove a n-nyotabwe awgument. +Benye. If I do, hang me in a b-bottwe wike a xDD cat and shoot a-at me; and +he that uWu hits me, wet him be cwapp'd on the shouwdew and *teleports behind you* caww'd +Adam. +P-Pedwo. Weww, >_> as time s-shaww twy. +'In time the savage buww doth b-beaw the yoke.' +Benye. xDD The *blushes* savage buww may; but if evew the sensibwe *leans over* Benyedick beaw +it, pwuck o-off the ;;w;; buww's ^w^ howns and set them in ;;w;; my fowehead, and +wet me be UwU viwewy painted, and in such gweat w-wettews as they *cuddles you* wwite +'Hewe is good howse to hiwe,' wet them signyify :3 undew my sign +'Hewe you may see Benyedick the mawwied man.' +Cwaud. I-If t-this shouwd evew h-happen, thou wouwdst be hown-mad. +Pedwo. Nyay, if Cupid have *pokes you* nyot spent aww his quivew in Venyice, thou +wiwt quake fow this showtwy. +B-Benye. I wook f-fow an eawthquake *hugs tightly* too then. +Pedwo. Weww, you wiww tempowize with t-the h-houws. In the meantime, +good Signyiow Benyedick, wepaiw to Weonyato's, commend me t-to him and +teww him I wiww nyot faiw him at suppew; fow indeed he h-hath m-made +gweat pwepawation. +Benye. *twerks* I have awmost mattew >w< enyough in me fow such an *pokes you* embassage; ^-^ and +s-so I-I commit y-you-- +*sweats* Cwaud. T-To the tuition o-of God. Fwom my house--if I had it-- +Pedwo. The sixth of Juwy. Youw woving fwiend, Benyedick. +Benye. Nyay, m-mock *cries* nyot, m-mock nyot. *twerks* The body of youw discouwse is +sometime ^w^ guawded with ^-^ fwagments, *leans over* and xDD the guawds *sighs* awe >_> but swightwy +basted on >_< nyeithew. Ewe you fwout owd e-ends a-any fuwthew, examinye +*moans* youw c-conscience. And so I weave *hugs tightly* you. Exit. +Cwaud. My wiege, *twerks* youw H-Highnyess nyow m-may do me :33 good. +Pedwo. My *cuddles you* wove is thinye to teach. Teach it but h-how, +And thou shawt see how apt it is to weawn +Any hawd wesson that *notices bulge* may do :3 thee good. +Cwaud. Hath Weonyato any son, *cries* my wowd? +Pedwo. Nyo chiwd but Hewo; she's his onwy *notices bulge* heiw. +Dost thou affect hew, *moans* Cwaudio? +Cwaud.O *cuddles you* my wowd, +When you w-went onwawd on this ended action, +I wook'd upon hew with a sowdiew's eye, +That wik'd, but h-had a woughew task *looks away* in hand +Than to dwive wiking to the nyame of wove; +But nyow I am wetuwn'd and that *pokes you* waw-thoughts +Have weft *notices bulge* theiw pwaces vacant, i-in theiw wooms +Come thwonging soft a-and dewicate desiwes, +Aww pwompting *pokes you* me *looks at you* how faiw y-young Hewo *giggles shyly* is, +Saying *twerks* I wik'd hew ewe I *looks at you* went to waws. +Pedwo. Thou wiwt b-be wike a wovew pwesentwy +And tiwe the heawew with a book of wowds. +I-If thou dost *hugs tightly* wove faiw Hewo, chewish it, +*teleports behind you* And I wiww bweak with *looks at you* hew and w-with hew *twerks* fathew, +And thou shawt *moans* have hew. Wast >w< nyot *blushes* to this end +That thou b-began'st to twist :33 so finye a stowy? +Cwaud. How sweetwy you x3 do minyistew *cries* to wove, +That knyow w-wove's gwief ;;w;; by his c-compwexion! +But xDD west >w< my wiking m-might too sudden seem, +I *sweats* wouwd have sawv'd i-it with a wongew tweatise. +Pedwo. W-What nyeed t-the bwidge much bwoadew :3 than the fwood? +T-The faiwest gwant i-is the nyecessity. +Wook, xDD what *shuffles closer* wiww sewve is f-fit. 'Tis once, thou wovest, +And I wiww fit thee *screams* with x3 the wemedy. +I knyow we shaww have wevewwing ^.^ to-nyight. +I OwO wiww assume thy pawt in some disguise +And t-teww faiw H-Hewo I am Cwaudio, +And in hew UwU bosom I'ww uncwasp my heawt +*looks at you* And take hew :3 heawing p-pwisonyew with the fowce +And stwong e-encountew of my amowous tawe. +T-Then aftew to hew fathew w-wiww I bweak, +And the ^w^ concwusion is, she shaww be thinye. +In pwactice wet us put it pwesentwy. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye I-II. +A w-woom in Weonyato's h-house. + +xDD Entew [at onye doow] Weonyato and [at >_< anyothew doow, Antonyio] an owd m-man, +bwothew t-to W-Weonyato. + +Weon. How nyow, bwothew? W-Whewe is my cousin youw s-son? ^-^ Hath he +pwovided this music? +Ant. He is vewy busy about it. :3 But, b-bwothew, I c-can teww you stwange +*cuddles you* nyews that y-you yet dweamt uWu nyot o-of. +Weon. Awe t-they good? +Ant. A-As the event stamps t-them; but they have a good covew, t-they +show w-weww outwawd. The P-Pwince and Count ^w^ Cwaudio, wawking in a +thick-pweached awwey in minye owchawd, *twerks* wewe t-thus much ovewheawd *twerks* by +a man of minye: the Pwince discovewed to Cwaudio *shuffles closer* that he woved xDD my +>_> nyiece youw daughtew and meant to acknyowwedge it this nyight in a +dance, and if he found hew accowdant, he meant to take the +pwesent t-time b-by *teleports behind you* the top a-and instantwy b-bweak with you of it. +Weon. Hath the f-fewwow a-any wit that towd y-you this? +Ant. A-A good shawp fewwow. I wiww s-send fow him, and q-question him +youwsewf. +;;w;; Weon. UwU Nyo, nyo. We wiww h-howd *sighs* it a-as a-a dweam tiww it appeaw itsewf; >_< but +I wiww acquaint my d-daughtew withaw, that she *notices bulge* may be the bettew +pwepawed fow an answew, i-if pewadventuwe this be twue. Go you and +:33 teww hew of it. [Exit *twerks* Antonyio.] + +[-[Entew A-Antonyio's Son *moans* with a Musician, *teleports behind you* and othews.] + +[To the x3 Son] Cousin, you knyow what you have *pokes you* to do. +--[To the M-Musician] O, I cwy you mewcy, fwiend. G-Go you with me, +*shuffles closer* and I wiww use ^w^ youw skiww.--Good cousin, have *cuddles you* a cawe this OwO busy +time. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye III. +Anyothew woom *leans over* in Weonyato's house.] + +*giggles shyly* Entew Siw John the Bastawd and Conwade, his companyion. + +Con. What the g-goodyeaw, *sighs* my wowd! Why a-awe y-you thus out of measuwe +sad? +John. Thewe i-is nyo measuwe in the *sighs* occasion that bweeds; thewefowe +the sadnyess i-is without wimit. +Con. You shouwd heaw w-weason. +J-John. And w-when I have heawd it, what bwessings ^w^ bwings i-it? +Con. ;;w;; If nyot a pwesent ^w^ wemedy, at weast a patient suffewance. +John. I wondew *screams* that thou (-(being, as OwO thou say'st thou awt, bown +undew xDD Satuwn) goest about to appwy a-a mowaw medicinye to a +*sweats* mowtifying mischief. I ;;w;; cannyot hide what I am: I must be sad when +I *blushes* have c-cause, and smiwe a-at nyo *shuffles closer* man's jests; eat when I have +stomach, a-and *shuffles closer* wait *looks away* fow *pokes you* nyo man's weisuwe; sweep when I-I am dwowsy, +and tend *notices bulge* on nyo man's businyess; waugh when ;;w;; I am mewwy, and cwaw nyo +man in h-his humouw. +Con. *looks away* Yea, but you must nyot make the f-fuww show o-of this tiww you xDD may +do *notices bulge* it without c-contwowment. You have o-of wate stood out against +youw bwothew, and h-he hath >w< ta'en you nyewwy into h-his gwace, whewe +it is impossibwe you ^-^ shouwd take t-twue woot but by the faiw +weathew that you make youwsewf. It is >w< nyeedfuw that you fwame the +season fow youw own *cuddles you* hawvest. +John. I had wathew be a cankew i-in a hedge than a wose in his gwace, +and it bettew fits *pokes you* my bwood uWu to *leans over* be disdain'd of aww *sighs* than to +fashion a cawwiage to wob wove fwom any. In this, though I cannyot +be s-said t-to be a fwattewing honyest man, it must nyot be denyied but +I *moans* am *moans* a pwain-deawing viwwain. I a-am twusted with a :33 muzzwe and +enfwanchis'd with a cwog; thewefowe I have decweed nyot to *shuffles closer* sing in +my cage. ^w^ If I had my mouth, *giggles shyly* I w-wouwd bite; i-if I had my wibewty, *pokes you* I +wouwd d-do my *looks away* wiking. In the meantime wet me be >w< that I-I ^.^ am, and seek +nyot to awtew me. +Con. Can you make nyo use of *looks at you* youw discontent? +J-John. I m-make OwO aww use ^w^ of it, fow I use it onwy. + +Entew Bowachio. + +W-Who comes hewe? What nyews, B-Bowachio? +Bowa. I came yondew fwom a gweat suppew. The Pwince youw bwothew is +woyawwy entewtain'd by Weonyato, and I can *leans over* give you intewwigence +of an intended m-mawwiage. +John. *blushes* Wiww it sewve fow a-any modew to buiwd mischief on? +W-What is he fow >_> a foow that betwoths himsewf to unquietnyess? +*hugs tightly* Bowa. Mawwy, it is youw *sighs* bwothew's wight hand. +John. Who? the most exquisite Cwaudio? +Bowa. Even he. +John. A pwopew s-squiwe! A-And who? and *sighs* who? which w-way wooks he? +Bowa. *screams* Mawwy, on Hewo, the daughtew and h-heiw of Weonyato. +John. A vewy fowwawd *pokes you* Mawch-chick! H-How c-came you to this? +UwU Bowa. Being entewtain'd f-fow a pewfumew, a-as I was smoking a musty +woom, comes m-me the Pwince and Cwaudio, hand in hand i-in sad +confewence. I-I whipt *moans* me behind the a-awwas and thewe heawd it agweed +*giggles shyly* upon that the Pwince shouwd woo Hewo *screams* fow h-himsewf, and h-having +o-obtain'd UwU hew, g-give h-hew to Count Cwaudio. +John. Come, come, wet us t-thithew. *pokes you* This may *giggles shyly* pwove food to my +dispweasuwe. That young stawt-up hath aww the gwowy of my +ovewthwow. If I can cwoss him any way, I bwess m-mysewf evewy w-way. +Y-You awe both suwe, and wiww >w< assist me? +Con. To the d-death, my wowd. +John. Wet us to x3 the gweat suppew. *twerks* Theiw cheew is the *looks at you* gweatew *twerks* that +I am subdued. Wouwd the OwO cook wewe *twerks* o' my mind! Shaww *sweats* we go pwove +what's to be donye? +B-Bowa. We'ww wait upon ^.^ youw w-wowdship. +Exeunt. + + + + +>w< <> + + + +ACT II. ^w^ Scenye OwO I. +A *cries* haww in Weonyato's house. + +Entew Weonyato, [Antonyio] his B-Bwothew, Hewo his UwU Daughtew, +and Beatwice his Nyiece, a-and a Kinsman; [awso :33 Mawgawet and U-Uwsuwa]. + +Weon. Was nyot Count J-John h-hewe at suppew? +Ant. I saw him nyot. +Beat. H-How ^-^ tawtwy that g-gentweman *cries* wooks! *cries* I nyevew can see him b-but I am +*cries* heawt-buwn'd an houw ^w^ aftew. +>_< Hewo. He is of a vewy mewanchowy disposition. +B-Beat. He wewe an excewwent man that wewe made just in the midway +between him and Benyedick. >_> The onye i-is too >w< wike an image and says +nyothing, a-and the o-othew too wike *cries* my w-wady's ewdest son, evewmowe +t-tattwing. +^.^ Weon. Then hawf Signyiow Benyedick's tongue in Count John's mouth, +and hawf Count John's m-mewanchowy in *twerks* Signyiow Benyedick's face-- +Beat. W-With a-a good *screams* weg and a :3 good foot, u-uncwe, and monyey enyough in +his puwse, such a man wouwd win *looks away* any ;;w;; woman *sweats* in t-the wowwd--if 'a +couwd get hew good w-wiww. +W-Weon. By my twoth, nyiece, thou wiwt nyevew get thee a husband if +thou be so s-shwewd *leans over* of thy tongue. +Ant. In faith, she's t-too cuwst. +Beat. Too c-cuwst *twerks* is mowe than cuwst. I shaww wessen *shuffles closer* God's sending +that xDD way, *sighs* fow it is s-said, 'God s-sends a cuwst cow showt h-howns,' +but *blushes* to a cow too cuwst he sends nyonye. +W-Weon. So, b-by being too cuwst, x3 God wiww send you nyo howns. +Beat. Just, if he send me nyo husband; f-fow :3 the UwU which bwessing I a-am +at h-him u-upon x3 my knyees evewy mownying a-and evenying. W-Wowd, I couwd nyot +enduwe a husband with a beawd on his face. I *hugs tightly* had wathew wie in +the woowwen! +Weon. You may w-wight on a >w< husband *cries* that hath nyo beawd. +B-Beat. What shouwd I do with him? dwess him in my *moans* appawew and m-make +him my waiting gentwewoman? He that *looks at you* hath a beawd is mowe than a +youth, a-and he that hath >_< nyo beawd *leans over* is wess than a *looks away* man; and he that +is mowe than >w< a y-youth i-is nyot fow me; and h-he that is *sighs* wess than a-a +m-man, I am *hugs tightly* nyot fow him. Thewefowe I wiww e-even take sixpence in +e-eawnyest of the bewwowd *cries* and ^.^ wead ^w^ his a-apes into heww. +Weon. Weww then, go you into heww? +Beat. Nyo; but to the g-gate, and thewe w-wiww the deviw meet me *cries* wike an +owd cuckowd with *shuffles closer* howns on his head, and say 'Get you to heaven, +Beatwice, get you to heaven. H-Hewe's nyo pwace fow you maids.' So +d-dewivew ^.^ I up *screams* my a-apes, *cries* and away to Saint Petew--fow the heavens. +He shows *twerks* me ;;w;; whewe t-the bachewows uWu sit, and t-thewe wive we as mewwy +*blushes* as t-the day xDD is wong. +Ant. [to Hewo] Weww, n-nyiece, I twust you wiww be wuw'd by youw +fathew. +Beat. Yes faith. It is my cousin's d-duty to ;;w;; make cuwsy a-and say, +'Fathew, as it pwease you.' But yet fow aww t-that, cousin, *looks away* wet him +be a x3 handsome fewwow, >w< ow e-ewse make anyothew cuwsy, and say, +'Fathew, as it pwease me.' +Weon. Weww, n-nyiece, I hope to see you onye day fitted with a husband. +Beat. Nyot tiww God *leans over* make men of some othew metaw than eawth. Wouwd +it nyot gwieve *notices bulge* a woman *hugs tightly* to be ovewmastew'd w-with a-a piece of vawiant +dust? OwO to make an account o-of hew wife to a cwod of *twerks* waywawd maww? +Nyo, >_< uncwe, I'ww nyonye. Adam's sons *giggles shyly* awe my bwethwen, *sweats* and twuwy I +howd i-it a sin to match in my kinwed. +Weon. Daughtew, wemembew w-what I towd you. If the Pwince do sowicit +you in that kind, you knyow y-youw answew. +Beat. T-The f-fauwt wiww be in the music, cousin, if you be nyot wooed +in good t-time. If the Pwince be too ^-^ impowtant, teww h-him thewe is +*screams* measuwe in UwU evewything, and s-so dance out the answew. Fow, heaw me, +Hewo: wooing, w-wedding, and wepenting is as a-a Scotch jig, a +m-measuwe, and a cinque-pace: the f-fiwst suit is hot a-and hasty wike +a Scotch jig--and fuww as fantasticaw; *moans* the *screams* wedding, m-mannyewwy +modest, ^-^ as ^.^ a measuwe, fuww *sweats* of state and ancientwy; a-and then comes +Wepentance a-and with his ^-^ bad wegs fawws into the cinque-pace +f-fastew and fastew, tiww he sink *hugs tightly* into *looks away* his gwave. +W-Weon. Cousin, you a-appwehend passing shwewdwy. +;;w;; Beat. I have a g-good e-eye, uncwe; I can see a chuwch by daywight. +*twerks* Weon. The wevewwews awe ent'wing, bwothew. Make good w-woom. +[Exit A-Antonyio.] + +Entew, [masked,] Don Pedwo, Cwaudio, ^w^ Benyedick, and *screams* Bawthasaw. +[-[With them entew Antonyio, awso m-masked. A-Aftew them entew] +Don John [and Bowachio (without masks), who stand a-aside +and w-wook on duwing the dance]. + +*teleports behind you* Pedwo. Wady, wiww you :33 wawk a-a bout w-with youw fwiend? +Hewo. So you wawk softwy and wook sweetwy and say nyothing, +I :3 am y-youws f-fow *screams* the wawk; and especiawwy when I wawk away. +P-Pedwo. With me in y-youw company? +Hewo. I may say so *looks at you* when I pwease. +Pedwo. And when pwease you *notices bulge* to s-say ^-^ so? +Hewo. >_> When I wike youw favouw, fow God defend t-the wute shouwd be +^w^ wike ^-^ the case! +P-Pedwo. *giggles shyly* My visow is Phiwemon's woof; within t-the house i-is Jove. +Hewo. Why then, y-youw >w< visow shouwd be t-thatch'd. +Pedwo. UwU Speak w-wow i-if you speak wove. [Takes hew aside.] +OwO Bawth. Weww, I wouwd you d-did wike me. +Mawg. So wouwd nyot I fow youw *looks away* own sake, fow I have many *pokes you* iww +quawities. +B-Bawth. Which i-is onye? +Mawg. I *cries* say :33 my p-pwayews awoud. +^.^ Bawth. *teleports behind you* I wove y-you ;;w;; the bettew. The heawews m-may cwy Amen. +Mawg. *looks at you* God match m-me with a *twerks* good dancew! +Bawth. *teleports behind you* Amen. +Mawg. And *cries* God keep him out of my OwO sight when t-the dance is donye! +Answew, cwewk. +Bawth. N-Nyo mowe w-wowds. The cwewk i-is answewed. +*notices bulge* [Takes h-hew a-aside.] +Uws. I knyow you weww e-enyough. You awe Signyiow Antonyio. +xDD Ant. At a-a wowd, I am *shuffles closer* nyot. +U-Uws. I knyow you by the waggwing of y-youw head. +Ant. To teww you twue, I countewfeit him. +>_< Uws. You couwd nyevew do him so iww-weww unwess you wewe the vewy +man. Hewe's his dwy hand up ^-^ and down. You awe he, you awe he! +*notices bulge* Ant. At a wowd, I am nyot. +Uws. Come, come, do *screams* you think I do ;;w;; nyot knyow you b-by ^.^ youw excewwent +wit? Can viwtue x3 hide itsewf? Go to, mum you awe he. G-Gwaces w-wiww +appeaw, and ^-^ thewe's :3 an end. [ They step aside.] +Beat. Wiww you nyot t-teww me *cries* who towd you so? +Benye. Nyo, you shaww pawdon me. +Beat. Nyow wiww y-you UwU nyot teww me who y-you *moans* awe? +Benye. Nyot nyow. +Beat. That I w-was disdainfuw, and that I had my >w< good wit *screams* out of the +'Hundwed Mewwy Tawes.' W-Weww, this uWu was Signyiow Benyedick x3 that *cuddles you* said +so. +Benye. What's he? +Beat. I am suwe you k-knyow him weww enyough. +Benye. Nyot I, bewieve me. +Beat. >_> Did he nyevew make you waugh? +Benye. I pway y-you, what is he? +Beat. Why, *shuffles closer* he is the Pwince's jestew, *blushes* a vewy duww foow. Onwy *leans over* his +g-gift is in devising impossibwe s-swandews. *looks away* Nyonye *sighs* but wibewtinyes +*giggles shyly* dewight in him; a-and the commendation is nyot in his wit, ;;w;; but in +his viwwany; :3 fow he b-both pweases men and angews them, and then +they waugh *twerks* at him and b-beat him. *notices bulge* I a-am suwe uWu he is *looks at you* in the fweet. +UwU I wouwd he had boawded me. +>w< Benye. When I knyow the gentweman, I'ww teww him what you say. +Beat. Do, d-do. He'ww but b-bweak a compawison ow two on me; which +pewadventuwe, nyot mawked ow nyot waugh'd at, stwikes him into +m-mewanchowy; and x3 then thewe's a *blushes* pawtwidge wing saved, fow the foow +wiww eat nyo suppew that nyight. +^.^ [Music.] +We must fowwow the weadews. +Benye. In evewy good thing. +*hugs tightly* Beat. Nyay, if they wead to *pokes you* any :3 iww, I wiww weave them at the nyext +tuwnying. +D-Dance. Exeunt (aww but Don *screams* John, Bowachio, and Cwaudio]. +John. Suwe my :3 bwothew *screams* is a-amowous on Hewo and hath withdwawn hew +fathew *screams* to bweak with him about uWu it. The wadies *blushes* fowwow hew a-and but +onye visow wemains. +Bowa. And t-that is Cwaudio. I knyow h-him by h-his beawing. +John. Awe you nyot *teleports behind you* Signyiow Benyedick? +Cwaud. You knyow >_> me weww. I-I am :3 he. +John. *leans over* Signyiow, you awe vewy nyeaw m-my bwothew in his wove. H-He is +enyamouw'd on Hewo. I pway you ^.^ dissuade him >w< fwom hew; she is nyo +equaw fow *blushes* his *leans over* biwth. *looks away* You may do *sweats* the p-pawt of an honyest man i-in it. +C-Cwaud. How knyow you he woves hew? +John. I heawd him sweaw h-his affection. +Bowa. So did I too, and he swowe he >w< wouwd mawwy hew t-tonyight. +J-John. Come, wet us to *sweats* the b-banquet. +Exeunt. Manyet Cwaudio. +C-Cwaud. *looks at you* Thus answew I-I in nyame of Benyedick +But heaw these iww nyews *looks at you* with the eaws of Cwaudio. +[Unmasks.] +'Tis cewtain so. The Pwince wooes f-fow *pokes you* himsewf. +Fwiendship i-is constant in aww othew things +Save *shuffles closer* in the office and affaiws of wove. +Thewefowe aww heawts in wove *giggles shyly* use theiw own *looks away* tongues; +Wet evewy eye n-nyegotiate *blushes* fow itsewf +>_< And ;;w;; twust nyo agent; fow xDD beauty is a witch +Against whose *leans over* chawms faith mewteth into bwood. +This *giggles shyly* is an accident *notices bulge* of houwwy pwoof, +Which I x3 mistwusted nyot. Faweweww thewefowe Hewo! + +E-Entew Benyedick [unmasked]. + +Benye. Count Cwaudio? +Cwaud. ^w^ Yea, the same. +Benye. Come, wiww you go w-with :33 me? +*cries* Cwaud. W-Whithew? +Benye. Even to the nyext wiwwow, about *leans over* youw o-own businyess, County. W-What +fashion wiww you UwU weaw the gawwand of? about youw n-nyeck, wike UwU an +usuwew's chain? ow undew youw awm, wike a wieutenyant's scawf? You +must weaw it onye way, fow ^w^ the >w< Pwince hath *giggles shyly* got youw Hewo. +Cwaud. I wish him uWu joy o-of h-hew. +B-Benye. Why, that's spoken wike an honyest dwoview. x3 So they s-seww +b-buwwocks. But d-did you *notices bulge* think the P-Pwince wouwd have s-sewved you +thus? +Cwaud. I pway you weave me. +Benye. Ho! n-nyow you stwike wike the bwind man! 'Twas t-the boy *pokes you* that +stowe youw meat, a-and *cries* you'ww beat t-the post. +Cwaud. If i-it wiww nyot be, ^w^ I'ww weave *hugs tightly* you. Exit. +Benye. Awas, *leans over* poow huwt foww! n-nyow *screams* wiww he cweep into sedges. But, +that m-my Wady Beatwice shouwd knyow m-me, a-and nyot knyow me! The +Pwince's foow! xDD Ha! it may be I go undew *moans* that titwe because I am +mewwy. Yea, but so I am apt to do mysewf wwong. I am *twerks* nyot so +weputed. It is the base (though bittew) disposition of Beatwice +that p-puts the wowwd into hew pewson and so gives me OwO out. Weww, +I'ww be wevenged as I may. + +Entew Don Pedwo. + +Pedwo. Nyow, signyiow, whewe's *leans over* the *screams* Count? Did you see him? +Benye. *looks at you* Twoth, m-my wowd, I have pwayed the pawt *looks at you* of W-Wady Fame, I found +him >_< hewe as m-mewanchowy a-as a wodge in a wawwen. I towd him, and I +think I >_> towd him t-twue, that youw Gwace had g-got the g-good wiww of +this young wady, *blushes* and *cries* I off'wed him my company to a wiwwow twee, +eithew to make him >_> a gawwand, as b-being fowsaken, o-ow to bind him +up a-a w-wod, as being wowthy to be whipt. +Pedwo. To ^.^ be whipt? What's h-his fauwt? +Benye. *notices bulge* The fwat *cuddles you* twansgwession of UwU a *leans over* schoowboy who, being ovewjoyed +with finding a biwd's nyest, shows it his companyion, and he *looks away* steaws +it. +Pedwo. Wiwt thou make *hugs tightly* a twust a twansgwession? The >w< twansgwession i-is +in *cries* the steawew. +Benye. Yet it had nyot been amiss *notices bulge* the wod had been made, *cries* and >_> the +gawwand *cries* too; fow the gawwand he might have wown :33 himsewf, and the +wod he might h-have bestowed on y-you, w-who, as I take *giggles shyly* it, have *cuddles you* stow'n +h-his biwd's >w< nyest. +Pedwo. I wiww b-but teach them to sing *looks at you* and westowe *shuffles closer* them *cries* to the ownyew. +Benye. If theiw singing answew youw saying, *twerks* by m-my faith you *moans* say +h-honyestwy. +Pedwo. *screams* The W-Wady Beatwice *sighs* hath a quawwew to *cuddles you* you. *looks at you* The gentweman that +danc'd with hew towd hew she is much wwong'd *sweats* by you. +Benye. O, she *hugs tightly* misus'd *giggles shyly* me past the enduwance of a b-bwock! An oak but +w-with ^-^ onye g-gween weaf on it wouwd have answewed hew; my vewy visow +b-began *notices bulge* to assume wife and scowd with hew. She towd me, *shuffles closer* nyot +t-thinking I ^.^ had been mysewf, that >_> I was t-the Pwince's jestew, that +I-I :33 was duwwew than a g-gweat thaw; huddwing jest upon jest with :3 such +impossibwe conveyance upon me that *hugs tightly* I stood wike a man at :33 a mawk, +with *cries* a whowe awmy shooting at *pokes you* me. She speaks ponyiawds, and *pokes you* evewy +wowd stabs. If hew bweath wewe as tewwibwe as ^-^ hew tewminyations, +thewe wewe nyo wiving nyeaw hew; she wouwd infect to the Nyowth +Staw. I-I *notices bulge* wouwd nyot mawwy h-hew though she wewe endowed with aww that +Adam had weft *looks away* him befowe he twansgwess'd. She wouwd have made +uWu Hewcuwes *cuddles you* have tuwn'd spit, *leans over* yea, and have cweft uWu his cwub to make +the *cuddles you* fiwe too. Come, tawk nyot of hew. *moans* You shaww find hew the +infewnyaw Ate i-in good appawew. *shuffles closer* I wouwd *hugs tightly* to God some schowaw wouwd +conjuwe *shuffles closer* hew, fow cewtainwy, whiwe she is hewe, ^w^ a m-man may w-wive as +quiet in heww as in a-a sanctuawy; and peopwe sin upon puwpose, +because *cuddles you* they ^-^ wouwd *twerks* go thithew; so indeed aww disquiet, howwow, +a-and pewtuwbation fowwows hew. + +Entew Cwaudio and Beatwice, :3 Weonyato, Hewo. + +Pedwo. Wook, OwO hewe she >w< comes. +B-Benye. Wiww y-youw Gwace command me *leans over* any s-sewvice to the wowwd's end? I +wiww go o-on t-the swightest ewwand nyow to the Antipodes that y-you c-can +devise to send me on; ^.^ I wiww fetch you uWu a toothpickew nyow :33 fwom the +;;w;; fuwthest inch of Asia; *teleports behind you* bwing y-you the wength of Pwestew John's +foot; fetch you a ^.^ haiw o-off the gweat C-Cham's beawd; do *notices bulge* you any +embassage to the P-Pygmies--wathew than howd thwee wowds' +confewence w-with t-this hawpy. You have nyo empwoyment fow me? +Pedwo. Nyonye, but to desiwe xDD youw good company. +Benye. O God, *leans over* siw, hewe's a dish I w-wove nyot! ^.^ I cannyot enduwe my Wady +Tongue. [Exit.] +Pedwo. Come, wady, come; you have wost ^.^ the heawt of Signyiow +*leans over* Benyedick. +Beat. *cuddles you* Indeed, my wowd, he went it m-me awhiwe, >_< and *cuddles you* I gave h-him *cries* use f-fow +it--a doubwe heawt fow his singwe onye. M-Mawwy, once befowe he won +it o-of me with >_> fawse *teleports behind you* dice; thewefowe youw Gwace may weww say I +have wost it. +Pedwo. You have put him *screams* down, wady; you have put him down. +Beat. So I w-wouwd nyot he shouwd do x3 me, my wowd, *blushes* west I shouwd *twerks* pwove +the mothew of foows. I h-have bwought Count Cwaudio, whom you ^w^ sent +me to seek. +Pedwo. Why, h-how nyow, Count? Whewefowe *twerks* awe you sad? +Cwaud. Nyot sad, my *cries* wowd. +Pedwo. *notices bulge* How then? sick? +Cwaud. Nyeithew, my *leans over* wowd. +Beat. T-The Count is nyeithew sad, nyow sick, OwO nyow *sweats* mewwy, nyow *pokes you* weww; but +civiw count--civiw a-as *pokes you* an owange, and something of that jeawous +compwexion. +Pedwo. I' faith, wady, I think youw bwazon to be twue; though I'ww +be swown, if >_> he *twerks* be so, his *hugs tightly* conceit is f-fawse. Hewe, Cwaudio, *moans* I +have w-wooed in thy nyame, and f-faiw Hewo :33 is won. I have bwoke with +hew fathew, and his good w-wiww obtainyed. *notices bulge* Nyame the *sweats* day *twerks* of mawwiage, +and God give thee joy! +Weon. Count, take o-of me my >w< daughtew, xDD and with *twerks* hew my fowtunyes. His +G-Gwace hath made the *giggles shyly* match, and aww >w< gwace say Amen to *cries* it! +Beat. Speak, Count, 'tis y-youw cue. +Cwaud. S-Siwence is the pewfectest hewawd of joy. I wewe b-but wittwe +happy if I couwd say how *screams* much. Wady, as you awe minye, I am y-youws. +I g-give away mysewf fow you UwU and dote upon the exchange. +Beat. Speak, cousin; ow, if you *notices bulge* cannyot, *moans* stop his mouth *hugs tightly* with a kiss +and wet nyot him speak nyeithew. +Pedwo. In faith, w-wady, you have a mewwy heawt. +Beat. Yea, my w-wowd; I thank it, x3 poow foow, it keeps on t-the ^-^ windy +side of cawe. My cousin tewws him i-in his eaw that OwO he is in hew +heawt. +Cwaud. And so she *leans over* doth, cousin. +B-Beat. G-Good Wowd, fow awwiance! Thus goes evewy *leans over* onye to the wowwd but +I-I, a-and I am sunbuwnt. I :3 may sit in a cownyew and cwy 'Heigh-ho fow +a husband!' +Pedwo. Wady Beatwice, I-I wiww get you onye. +Beat. ^.^ I wouwd wathew have onye of youw fathew's getting. *blushes* Hath youw +Gwace nye'ew *blushes* a bwothew wike you? Youw fathew got excewwent +husbands, if a maid couwd come by *twerks* them. +Pedwo. >w< Wiww you have me, *screams* wady? +Beat. N-Nyo, m-my wowd, u-unwess I might h-have xDD anyothew f-fow wowking days: +youw Gwace is x3 too costwy to w-weaw evewy *blushes* day. But I beseech ^w^ youw +Gwace pawdon m-me. I w-was bown to speak aww miwth and n-nyo mattew. +Pedwo. Youw siwence most offends me, a-and to be mewwy best becomes +you, *blushes* fow out o' q-question you wewe *looks away* bown *cries* in a mewwy houw. +Beat. *blushes* Nyo, suwe, my wowd, m-my *sweats* mothew cwied; >_< but then t-thewe was a staw +*shuffles closer* danc'd, and undew that was I bown. Cousins, x3 God give you *looks away* joy! +Weon. Nyiece, wiww *sweats* you wook t-to t-those things I t-towd you *pokes you* of? +Beat. I ;;w;; cwy >w< you *looks at you* mewcy, uncwe, B-By *notices bulge* youw Gwace's ^-^ pawdon. *giggles shyly* Exit. +Pedwo. By my uWu twoth, a pweasant-spiwited wady. +Weon. Thewe's wittwe of the m-mewanchowy ewement in hew, my *looks away* wowd. She +OwO is nyevew sad but when she sweeps, a-and *teleports behind you* nyot evew sad then; >w< fow I +have h-heawd my d-daughtew *moans* say she hath often dweamt of unhappinyess +and wak'd hewsewf with waughing. +Pedwo. ^-^ She cannyot enduwe to heaw teww of a husband. +Weon. O, b-by nyo means! She mocks aww hew ^w^ wooews out of suit. +Pedwo. She wewe *looks away* an excewwent *cries* wife fow Benyedick. +Weon. O W-Wowd, my w-wowd! if they wewe but a week mawwied, they OwO wouwd +tawk themsewves x3 mad. +Pedwo. County Cwaudio, *looks away* when mean you to go t-to chuwch? +Cwaud. To-mowwow, my *screams* wowd. Time g-goes on cwutches t-tiww w-wove have aww +his w-wites. +Weon. Nyot t-tiww M-Monday, my deaw xDD son, which is hence a just +sevennyight; and a time too bwief t-too, *notices bulge* to have aww t-things answew +my *shuffles closer* mind. +Pedwo. Come, you s-shake the head at s-so wong a-a >_< bweathing; +but I-I wawwant thee, C-Cwaudio, ^.^ the time shaww nyot xDD go *blushes* duwwy by us. +I wiww in the intewim undewtake onye o-of *hugs tightly* Hewcuwes' wabouws, OwO which +*shuffles closer* is, to bwing Signyiow Benyedick a-and *sighs* the W-Wady Beatwice into a +mountain of affection t-th' onye with th' othew. I wouwd fain have +*cuddles you* it a match, and I d-doubt nyot but t-to *leans over* fashion *sighs* it if xDD you t-thwee wiww +but minyistew such assistance as I shaww give you diwection. +Weon. My wowd, I *giggles shyly* am fow you, though *moans* it cost me ten nyights' +w-watchings. +Cwaud. And I, my wowd. +Pedwo. And you too, gentwe Hewo? +Hewo. *screams* I wiww do ^-^ any modest *sweats* office, my w-wowd, to h-hewp my cousin to a +good husband. +Pedwo. And Benyedick is nyot the unhopefuwwest husband that I k-knyow. +T-Thus f-faw can I pwaise him: he is of a nyobwe stwain, :3 of appwoved +vawouw, *looks at you* and confiwm'd h-honyesty. uWu I wiww teach you *hugs tightly* how to humouw +youw c-cousin, that she *giggles shyly* shaww faww in wove with Benyedick; and I-I, +[to W-Weonyato a-and *looks away* Cwaudio] with youw two h-hewps, ^-^ wiww so pwactise on +B-Benyedick that, in despite of his quick wit and his queasy +*screams* stomach, he shaww faww in wove ^.^ with Beatwice. If we can do ^w^ this, +C-Cupid is nyo wongew an awchew; h-his *sweats* gwowy shaww be ouws, *moans* fow we awe +*moans* the onwy wove-gods. Go in with me, *hugs tightly* and I wiww t-teww you my *cuddles you* dwift. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +A haww in Weonyato's house. + +Entew [Don] *leans over* John and B-Bowachio. + +John. *cuddles you* It is so. The Count Cwaudio shaww mawwy the daughtew of +W-Weonyato. +Bowa. Yea, my wowd; uWu but I can c-cwoss it. +John. Any baw, any cwoss, any impediment wiww be med'cinyabwe to m-me. +I-I am sick in dispweasuwe to him, and whatsoevew comes athwawt his +affection wanges xDD evenwy with minye. >_< How canst thou cwoss t-this +mawwiage? +Bowa. Nyot honyestwy, m-my wowd, but so covewtwy that nyo dishonyesty +s-shaww appeaw >w< in me. +*moans* John. S-Show me bwiefwy *cries* how. +Bowa. I think I towd *pokes you* youw w-wowdship, a-a yeaw since, how much I xDD am *twerks* in +the favouw of Mawgawet, the waiting gentwewoman t-to Hewo. +John. I wemembew. +Bowa. I can, at any unseasonyabwe instant of the nyight, appoint hew +to wook out at hew wady's chambew window. +John. What wife is in that to *looks at you* be the ^.^ death of t-this mawwiage? +Bowa. The *notices bulge* poison of that wies in you to tempew. Go *hugs tightly* you to the +Pwince youw bwothew; spawe nyot to teww him that he hath :33 wwonged +his honyouw *moans* in mawwying the wenyownyed Cwaudio (whose estimation *sighs* do +UwU you *notices bulge* mightiwy howd u-up) t-to a-a contaminyated stawe, such a onye as +Hewo. +*leans over* John. What pwoof shaww I make of that? +Bowa. *giggles shyly* Pwoof enyough to m-misuse the Pwince, to vex Cwaudio, to *pokes you* undo +Hewo, and kiww Weonyato. W-Wook you fow UwU any *cries* othew issue? +John. Onwy to d-despite t-them I wiww endeavouw anything. +Bowa. Go then; find me a *screams* meet houw t-to dwaw Don Pedwo and the Count +Cwaudio awonye; t-teww them that you knyow that Hewo woves me; intend +a kind of zeaw both to the Pwince and *looks away* Cwaudio, as--in wove of +y-youw bwothew's honyouw, who hath made this match, and h-his fwiend's +weputation, who is thus wike OwO to be c-cozen'd with the sembwance of +a maid--that *cuddles you* you have discovew'd thus. *sweats* They wiww scawcewy b-bewieve +this *moans* without t-twiaw. Offew them instances; which shaww beaw nyo +wess wikewihood than to see me at hew chambew window, *giggles shyly* heaw me +:33 caww M-Mawgawet Hewo, heaw M-Mawgawet tewm me *sighs* Cwaudio; and *pokes you* bwing them +to *sighs* see this *sighs* the *notices bulge* vewy nyight befowe the intended *giggles shyly* wedding (fow in +the meantime I ^w^ wiww so fashion *sweats* the *looks at you* mattew that Hewo shaww b-be +absent) and thewe shaww appeaw such seeming twuth of H-Hewo's +diswoyawty that jeawousy shaww be caww'd assuwance and a-aww the +OwO pwepawation ovewthwown. +J-John. *leans over* Gwow this to what advewse issue i-it *sweats* can, I wiww *screams* put i-it :3 in +pwactice. Be c-cunnying in the *cuddles you* wowking *cuddles you* this, and thy *hugs tightly* fee is a +thousand ducats. +Bowa. Be you constant in the ^.^ accusation, *teleports behind you* and my cunnying shaww nyot +shame me. +John. I wiww pwesentwy go weawn theiw day of mawwiage. +E-Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye III. +Weonyato's owchawd. + +Entew Benyedick ^.^ awonye. + +Benye. Boy! + +*sighs* [Entew Boy.] + +Boy. Signyiow? +Benye. In my chambew *looks away* window *teleports behind you* wies a book. ^w^ Bwing it hithew to me in +t-the owchawd. +Boy. I am hewe *pokes you* awweady, s-siw. +Benye. I knyow that, but *looks at you* I *teleports behind you* wouwd h-have thee UwU hence and hewe again. +(Exit Boy.) I do much wondew that o-onye man, seeing how m-much +anyothew man :3 is a foow when he dedicates his behaviouws to wove, +wiww, a-aftew he h-hath waugh'd *notices bulge* at s-such shawwow fowwies in othews, +become the awgument of his *hugs tightly* own s-scown *blushes* by fawwing in ^.^ wove; *looks away* and such +a m-man is Cwaudio. I have knyown w-when t-thewe was nyo music with him +b-but t-the dwum and *sighs* the fife; and nyow :33 had he wathew *teleports behind you* heaw t-the tabow +and the pipe. I have knyown when >_> he x3 wouwd have wawk'd ten m-miwe +afoot to see a good awmouw; and *sighs* nyow w-wiww he wie ten nyights awake +cawving *hugs tightly* the fashion of a nyew doubwet. He was wont to speak pwain +and to the puwpose, >w< wike a-an honyest man ^-^ and a uWu sowdiew; and nyow is +he tuwn'd o-owthogwaphy; his wowds awe a vewy fantasticaw banquet-- +just so m-many stwange dishes. May I *sighs* be so convewted and see with +these eyes? *hugs tightly* I c-cannyot teww; I ;;w;; think *moans* nyot. I wiww nyot b-be ;;w;; swown but +*teleports behind you* wove m-may t-twansfowm me t-to a-an *screams* oystew; but *blushes* I'ww take my o-oath on it, +tiww he have >_< made an oystew of me he OwO shaww nyevew make me such a +foow. *looks at you* Onye woman is faiw, yet I-I am w-weww; anyothew is wise, yet I am +weww; *moans* anyothew >w< viwtuous, yet I am weww; but *giggles shyly* tiww aww gwaces b-be in +onye woman, onye woman shaww nyot come in my gwace. Wich she shaww +be, that's c-cewtain; wise, ^-^ ow I'ww *leans over* nyonye; viwtuous, ow I'ww nyevew +c-cheapen hew; faiw, ow I'ww nyevew wook on hew; miwd, o-ow come nyot +nyeaw me; nyobwe, ow nyot I fow an angew; >_< of good discouwse, an +excewwent musician, and hew haiw *blushes* shaww b-be *sighs* of w-what cowouw it +pwease God. Ha, the Pwince and xDD Monsieuw *teleports behind you* Wove! I wiww *cuddles you* hide me i-in +the awbouw. [Hides.] + +Entew Don Pedwo, Weonyato, Cwaudio. +Music [within]. + +P-Pedwo. Come, shaww we heaw this music? +Cwaud. Yea, *screams* my good wowd. How stiww the >w< evenying is, +As hush'd on puwpose to gwace hawmony! +Pedwo. See you whewe Benyedick h-hath hid *twerks* himsewf? +Cwaud. O, vewy *leans over* weww, my wowd. T-The music ended, +W-We'ww fit the kid-fox w-with a pennywowth. + +xDD Entew :33 Bawthasaw w-with Music. + +Pedwo. Come, Bawthasaw, w-we'ww heaw that song again. +Bawth. O, good my wowd, t-tax nyot ^-^ so bad a voice +To swandew music any mowe ^-^ than once. +Pedwo. It i-is the witnyess stiww of excewwency +To put a stwange face on his own pewfection. +I pway *teleports behind you* thee sing, and wet me w-woo nyo mowe. +B-Bawth. Because *giggles shyly* you tawk of wooing, I-I wiww sing, +*looks at you* Since m-many a wooew d-doth commence h-his suit +To hew he thinks nyot wowthy, >_< yet he wooes, +Yet wiww he s-sweaw he woves. +Pedwo. Nyay, pway thee come; +:33 Ow if *looks at you* thou wiwt howd *looks away* wongew awgument, +Do it in nyotes. +Bawth. Nyote t-this befowe m-my nyotes: +Thewe's nyot a nyote of minye *notices bulge* that's wowth the nyoting. +Pedwo. W-Why, these awe vewy cwotchets that he speaks! +Nyote nyotes, fowsooth, and nyothing! [Music.] +Benye. [aside] Nyow divinye a-aiw! uWu Nyow is his souw *hugs tightly* wavish'd! Is it nyot +*blushes* stwange that sheep's guts *shuffles closer* shouwd h-hawe souws out of men's bodies? +Weww, a hown *leans over* fow my monyey, when aww's donye. +[Bawthasaw sings.] +The Song. + +Sigh nyo m-mowe, wadies, sigh nyo mowe! +Men wewe deceivews evew, +*sweats* Onye foot in sea, and onye on showe; +To onye thing constant nyevew. +Then sigh nyot so, +But w-wet them go, +And be you bwithe and bonny, +Convewting aww youw sounds of woe +Into Hey nyonny, nyonny. + +Sing nyo mowe ditties, sing nyo moe, +Of *shuffles closer* dumps so duww and ^.^ heavy! +The *notices bulge* fwaud of men >w< was evew ^-^ so, +Since summew *cuddles you* fiwst was weavy. +Then *leans over* sigh nyot so, &c. + +Pedwo. B-By my t-twoth, a good song. +Bawth. And an iww *sweats* singew, my wowd. +P-Pedwo. Ha, nyo, nyo, faith! Thou sing'st weww enyough :33 fow a shift. +Benye. *hugs tightly* [aside] An he *pokes you* had been a *looks away* dog *cries* that shouwd have howw'd t-thus, +they *hugs tightly* wouwd have hang'd him; and I pway God his bad voice bode nyo +mischief. I had as wive h-have *sighs* heawd the nyight waven, come what +pwague couwd have come aftew it. +Pedwo. Y-Yea, m-mawwy. D-Dost thou heaw, *leans over* Bawthasaw? :3 I pway thee ^.^ get us +some e-excewwent music; *notices bulge* fow to-mowwow nyight we wouwd have *blushes* it at the +Wady Hewo's c-chambew window. +Bawth. The best I can, my wowd. +Pedwo. D-Do so. *blushes* Faweweww. +Exit Bawthasaw [with Musicians]. +Come hithew, W-Weonyato. What *moans* was it xDD you towd OwO me of *pokes you* to-day? that +y-youw n-nyiece B-Beatwice was in wove with Signyiow Benyedick? +Cwaud. O, ay!-[Aside to Pedwo] Stawk on, stawk on; t-the foww sits. +--I did n-nyevew think that wady wouwd have woved any man. +uWu Weon. Nyo, nyow I nyeithew; *leans over* but most *leans over* wondewfuw that ^w^ she shouwd so dote +on Signyiow Benyedick, whom she hath in aww outwawd behaviouws +seem'd evew to abhow. +Benye. [aside] *looks at you* Is't possibwe? Sits the wind in that cownyew? +Weon. By m-my twoth, *teleports behind you* my wowd, I cannyot teww what UwU to think of it, *notices bulge* but +that she woves him with an e-enwaged affection. It >_< is p-past the +infinyite of thought. +P-Pedwo. May be she doth *sweats* but c-countewfeit. +Cwaud. Faith, wike enyough. +W-Weon. O God, countewfeit? T-Thewe was nyevew countewfeit of p-passion +came so nyeaw the wife ^-^ of passion as she discovews it. +Pedwo. W-Why, what effects of ^.^ passion shows she? +Cwaud. [aside] Bait the h-hook weww! This fish wiww bite. +Weon. What effects, my ^-^ wowd? She ^.^ wiww sit you--you *cries* heawd my +daughtew teww y-you how. +Cwaud. She did indeed. +Pedwo. How, how, I pway *hugs tightly* you? You amaze >_< me. I wouwd have thought hew +spiwit h-had b-been invincibwe against aww assauwts o-of affection. +Weon. *sweats* I wouwd *cuddles you* have swown it *pokes you* had, my wowd--especiawwy against +Benyedick. +Benye. [aside] I shouwd think t-this a guww b-but that the white-beawded +UwU fewwow speaks it. Knyavewy cannyot, s-suwe, hide himsewf in such +wevewence. +Cwaud. *giggles shyly* [aside] He hath ta'en th' infection. Howd it x3 up. +P-Pedwo. Hath *giggles shyly* she made uWu hew affection knyown t-to Benyedick? +W-Weon. Nyo, *twerks* and s-sweaws s-she nyevew wiww. *notices bulge* That's hew towment. +Cwaud. 'Tis twue indeed. So y-youw daughtew says. 'Shaww I,' says +she, '-'that have *notices bulge* so o-oft encount'wed him with scown, wwite to him +*giggles shyly* that I wove him?'" +Weon. This says she n-nyow when s-she is beginnying :33 to wwite to him; fow +*cuddles you* she'ww be up twenty times a nyight, ^-^ and thewe w-wiww she *pokes you* sit in hew +smock tiww *hugs tightly* she have wwit a-a sheet of papew. My :3 daughtew *leans over* tewws us +aww. +Cwaud. Nyow >w< you tawk of a sheet of papew, I wemembew a pwetty jest +youw daughtew towd us of. +Weon. UwU O, when she had wwit i-it, and was weading it ovew, she found +'Benyedick' *sighs* and 'Beatwice' between the sheet? +*cuddles you* Cwaud. That. +Weon. O, she towe the wettew into *hugs tightly* a thousand hawfpence, waiw'd at +hewsewf t-that she shouwd be so immodest to w-wwite to onye that she +knyew *moans* wouwd fwout hew. 'I measuwe him,' says *looks at you* she, 'by my own +spiwit; fow I shouwd fwout him if h-he wwit to me. Yea, though I +wove him, I *sighs* shouwd.' +*looks away* Cwaud. T-Then UwU down u-upon hew knyees she fawws, ;;w;; weeps, sobs, beats h-hew +heawt, teaws *notices bulge* hew haiw, pways, cuwses--'O sweet Benyedick! God g-give +m-me patience!' +Weon. She doth indeed; *looks away* my daughtew s-says so. A-And the ecstasy hath so +much ovewbownye hew that my daughtew is sometime :3 afeawd she w-wiww +do a despewate *moans* outwage *twerks* to hewsewf. It i-is v-vewy twue. +*screams* Pedwo. It wewe *giggles shyly* good that ^w^ Benyedick knyew of it by s-some othew, *blushes* if she +wiww nyot discovew *giggles shyly* it. +Cwaud. To w-what end? He wouwd ;;w;; make but a spowt of it a-and t-towment the +poow wady *sighs* wowse. +Pedwo. An he shouwd, it *cuddles you* wewe an :3 awms to hang him! She's an +excewwent sweet wady, and (out of aww s-suspicion) she *moans* is viwtuous. +*twerks* Cwaud. And s-she is exceeding wise. +Pedwo. uWu In evewything b-but in woving Benyedick. +W-Weon. O, my *cries* wowd, wisdom a-and bwood combating in so tendew a body, +UwU we have ten pwoofs to onye that bwood hath the victowy. I *looks away* am sowwy +>_< fow hew, a-as I have just cause, being hew uncwe a-and hew guawdian. +Pedwo. I wouwd she had bestowed this *sighs* dotage :3 on me. I wouwd *shuffles closer* have +daff'd aww :3 othew wespects and made *looks at you* hew *notices bulge* hawf mysewf. I pway you +teww Benyedick of it and heaw w-what 'a *shuffles closer* wiww say. +*moans* Weon. Wewe *notices bulge* it good, think *cries* you? +C-Cwaud. Hewo thinks suwewy she *cuddles you* wiww d-die; fow she says *giggles shyly* she wiww d-die +if he wove hew nyot, and she wiww die e-ewe *cries* she make hew wove knyown, +and *sweats* she wiww die, if *sweats* he woo hew, x3 wathew than she wiww bate onye +uWu bweath o-of hew accustomed cwossnyess. +P-Pedwo. She doth weww. If she shouwd make tendew of hew wove, *giggles shyly* 'tis +vewy possibwe he'ww scown it; f-fow the man (as you knyow a-aww) hath +a *hugs tightly* contemptibwe spiwit. +Cwaud. He is a ;;w;; vewy p-pwopew man. +Pedwo. He hath indeed a good outwawd happinyess. +Cwaud. xDD Befowe God! and in my mind, vewy wise. +Pedwo. He doth indeed show some spawks that awe wike *notices bulge* wit. +*looks at you* Cwaud. And I t-take h-him to be vawiant. +Pedwo. As Hectow, I assuwe *moans* you; and in the ^.^ manyaging of quawwews you +may s-say he >_> is w-wise, fow *twerks* eithew uWu he *moans* avoids them with gweat +discwetion, ow undewtakes them with a most Chwistianwike feaw. +*looks at you* Weon. If he do feaw God, 'a must n-nyecessawiwy *pokes you* keep p-peace. >_> If he +bweak the peace, he ought to entew into a quawwew with feaw a-and +twembwing. +Pedwo. And so wiww h-he do; fow the man doth f-feaw God, howsoevew it +*looks away* seems n-nyot in him by some wawge *blushes* jests he wiww make. Weww, I am +sowwy f-fow y-youw *moans* nyiece. Shaww we go seek Benyedick a-and teww him of +hew *cries* wove? +Cwaud. Nyevew x3 teww *notices bulge* him, m-my wowd. Wet hew weaw *looks away* it out :3 with good +counsew. +Weon. Nyay, that's impossibwe; she may weaw hew heawt out fiwst. +Pedwo. Weww, we w-wiww heaw fuwthew of i-it b-by youw daughtew. Wet i-it +coow t-the whiwe. I w-wove Benyedick weww, and I couwd w-wish he wouwd +modestwy examinye himsewf to *twerks* see how much he is unwowthy ^-^ so good a +wady. +Weon. My wowd, wiww you .wawk? Dinnyew is weady. +[They wawk away.] +Cwaud. If he dote on h-hew upon this, I wiww OwO nyevew twust my +expectation. +Pedwo. >w< Wet thewe be the s-same nyet *shuffles closer* spwead fow hew, and that must y-youw +daughtew and hew gentwewomen cawwy. The *twerks* spowt wiww be, *notices bulge* when t-they +howd onye an opinyion of anyothew's dotage, and nyo such *twerks* mattew. +That's t-the scenye that I wouwd see, :3 which wiww be mewewy a dumb +show. *looks at you* Wet us send hew to *screams* caww him in to dinnyew. +Exeunt [Don Pedwo, Cwaudio, a-and Weonyato]. + +[Benyedick advances ^-^ fwom t-the ^.^ awbouw.] + +Benye. This can be nyo twick. The c-confewence was sadwy bownye; they +have the twuth of this fwom Hewo; they seem t-to pity the UwU wady. +It s-seems hew affections *cuddles you* have theiw fuww bent. Wove me? Why, it +must be wequited. I heaw how I ^-^ am censuw'd. They say *giggles shyly* I wiww beaw +mysewf pwoudwy if I pewceive the wove come f-fwom h-hew. They say too +that she *screams* wiww wathew d-die than give >w< any s-sign *leans over* of *looks at you* affection. I did +nyevew think to mawwy. *twerks* I m-must nyot UwU seem pwoud. Happy awe they *leans over* that +heaw theiw d-detwactions and can p-put them to m-mending. They *looks away* say the +wady *leans over* is faiw--'tis a *cuddles you* twuth, I can beaw t-them witnyess; and *hugs tightly* viwtuous +--'tis so, I cannyot w-wepwove it; and wise, b-but fow w-woving me--by +my twoth, i-it is nyo *cuddles you* addition to *teleports behind you* hew w-wit, nyow nyo gweat awgument OwO of +hew fowwy, fow *sweats* I wiww be howwibwy in wove with hew. I >_< may >_> chance +have s-some ^w^ odd quiwks and wemnyants of w-wit bwoken *moans* on me because I +have waiwed so wong against mawwiage. But doth nyot the appetite +awtews? A man woves the m-meat in his youth that :3 he cannyot *sighs* enduwe +in his age. Shaww quips and sentences and these papew buwwets of +the >_< bwain awe a man fwom the ^.^ caweew of his humouw? Nyo, the wowwd +must *twerks* be peopwed. When I-I said I wouwd *blushes* die >_> a bachewow, I did nyot +think :3 I shouwd ^w^ wive tiww I wewe mawwied. + +Entew Beatwice. + +Hewe comes Beatwice. By this day, she's a f-faiw wady! I do *cuddles you* spy +some mawks of wove i-in hew. +Beat. Against my wiww I-I am sent *cries* to bid You come i-in to dinnyew. +Benye. Faiw Beatwice, I thank y-you fow youw *looks away* pains. +Beat. I took nyo mowe *leans over* pains fow those thanks t-than you t-take pains to +*sweats* thank m-me. If it h-had b-been painfuw, I *leans over* wouwd nyot have come. +Benye. You take pweasuwe then in the message? +B-Beat. Yea, *sighs* just so much *blushes* as you may take upon *moans* a knyives *screams* point, and +choke a-a daw withaw. You have nyo stomach, signyiow. Fawe you weww. +Exit. +*moans* Benye. Ha! 'Against my wiww I am sent to ;;w;; bid you come in t-to dinnyew.' +Thewe's a doubwe meanying i-in that. 'I took nyo mowe pains *blushes* fow those +thanks than you took p-pains to t-thank me.' That's as much a-as to +say, 'Any p-pains that I take fow y-you is as easy as thanks.' If I-I +d-do nyot take pity of h-hew, I *notices bulge* am a viwwain; if I do *teleports behind you* nyot wove hew, I +a-am a Jew. I wiww go *looks away* get hew pictuwe. Exit. + + + + +<> + + + +ACT III. Scenye I. +Weonyato's owchawd. + +E-Entew Hewo and two Gentwewomen, Mawgawet and U-Uwsuwa. + +Hewo. Good Mawgawet, wun >w< thee t-to the pawwouw. +*blushes* Thewe shawt thou *leans over* find my cousin Beatwice +Pwoposing with the Pwince and C-Cwaudio. +W-Whispew hew eaw and *looks away* teww hew, I and ^.^ Uwswey +Wawk >w< in the owchawd, and ouw whowe xDD discouwse +*twerks* Is aww of hew. Say t-that thou ovewheawd'st u-us; +And bid hew steaw into the pweached bowew, +Whewe honyeysuckwes, wipenyed by the sun, +Fowbid the s-sun to entew--wike favouwites, +Made pwoud by pwinces, that advance theiw pwide +Against that p-powew t-that b-bwed it. Thewe wiww she hide hew +To wisten o-ouw *cuddles you* pwopose. *hugs tightly* This x3 is thy office. +Beaw thee weww *cuddles you* in *hugs tightly* it and weave us *cries* awonye. +Mawg. I'ww make hew come, I wawwant y-you, pwesentwy. [Exit.] +Hewo. Nyow, Uwsuwa, *looks at you* when Beatwice doth come, +A-As we do *leans over* twace *looks away* this awwey up and *shuffles closer* down, +>_< Ouw t-tawk must onwy be of Benyedick. +When I do nyame him, wet it be thy *hugs tightly* pawt +To pwaise h-him mowe than evew ^.^ man did mewit. +^-^ My tawk to thee must be how B-Benyedick +Is sick in wove with Beatwice. Of this mattew +Is wittwe *cuddles you* Cupid's cwafty xDD awwow made, +T-That onwy wounds >_< by heawsay. + +[Entew >_> Beatwice.] + +Nyow b-begin; +Fow *blushes* wook whewe Beatwice wike a wapwing ;;w;; wuns +Cwose by the gwound, *pokes you* to heaw ;;w;; ouw confewence. + +[Beatwice hides in the awbouw]. + +*teleports behind you* Uws. The pweasant'st a-angwing is to see t-the fish +Cut with hew gowden oaws the siwvew s-stweam +And gweediwy devouw the tweachewous bait. +So angwe we fow Beatwice, :33 who even nyow +Is couched in the woodbinye covewtuwe. +Feaw you n-nyot m-my *looks at you* pawt of the diawogue. +Hewo. Then *looks at you* go w-we ^-^ nyeaw hew, that hew eaw w-wose *pokes you* nyothing +Of the *screams* fawse *sighs* sweet bait that *shuffles closer* we way f-fow it. +[-[They appwoach the awbouw.] +Nyo, twuwy, Uwsuwa, s-she i-is too disdainfuw. +I knyow hew spiwits awe as coy a-and wiwd +*leans over* As haggawds of the wock. +U-Uws. ;;w;; But awe you suwe +That Benyedick woves Beatwice so entiwewy? +Hewo. So says the P-Pwince, and m-my nyew-twothed ^-^ wowd. +*notices bulge* Uws. And did they bid you teww hew xDD of it, madam? +*sighs* Hewo. They did entweat me to acquaint hew of i-it; +But I pewsuaded them, if they wov'd *leans over* Benyedick, +To wish him wwestwe with affection +And uWu nyevew *sweats* to >_> wet B-Beatwice knyow o-of i-it. +Uws. W-Why did you so? Doth nyot the gentweman +Desewve as fuww, x3 as fowtunyate a *pokes you* bed +:3 As evew >_> Beatwice shaww couch upon? +Hewo. O god of w-wove! I-I knyow he doth desewve +As much as may be yiewded t-to a man: +x3 But Nyatuwe *twerks* nyevew fwam'd a woman's heawt +Of >w< pwoudew s-stuff than that of Beatwice. +Disdain and scown wide spawkwing uWu in hew eyes, +Mispwizing what they *moans* wook on; and *sighs* hew w-wit +Vawues itsewf so highwy t-that to hew +Aww mattew ewse :3 seems weak. She cannyot *leans over* wove, +Nyow t-take nyo shape n-nyow pwoject of affection, +She is so s-sewf-endeawed. +U-Uws. Suwe I think so; +And thewefowe cewtainwy it wewe nyot good +She ^.^ knyew his >_> wove, UwU west she'ww make spowt at it. +Hewo. Why, *moans* you speak twuth. I nyevew yet saw *shuffles closer* man, +How wise, how nyobwe, y-young, how *looks away* wawewy featuw'd, +But she wouwd speww h-him backwawd. If *leans over* faiw-fac'd, +She wouwd sweaw the gentweman shouwd be hew sistew; +If b-bwack, why, Nyatuwe, dwawing of an antic, +Made a fouw bwot; if taww, a w-wance iww-headed; +If wow, an agate vewy viwewy cut; +If x3 speaking, why, a-a vanye bwown with aww winds; +UwU If siwent, OwO why, *hugs tightly* a bwock moved with ;;w;; nyonye. +So tuwns she evewy man the wwong side out +And nyevew gives to twuth and viwtue that +Which simpwenyess and mewit p-puwchaseth. +Uws. Suwe, suwe, such cawping i-is nyot commendabwe. +Hewo. *hugs tightly* Nyo, nyot to be so o-odd, and fwom a-aww fashions, +As Beatwice is, *screams* cannyot be *blushes* commendabwe. +UwU But who *shuffles closer* dawe teww hew so? *cries* If I shouwd speak, +She >_> wouwd m-mock me into aiw; O, she wouwd w-waugh me +Out of mysewf, *sweats* pwess me to d-death with wit! +Thewefowe wet B-Benyedick, *blushes* wike covew'd fiwe, +C-Consume away in *twerks* sighs, waste *sighs* inwawdwy. +*looks away* It w-wewe a bettew death than die with mocks, +Which is a-as bad as die with tickwing. +Uws. Yet teww hew of it. Heaw >_< what s-she wiww say. +Hewo. Nyo; *hugs tightly* wathew I wiww go to Benyedick +*looks away* And counsew him to fight against his passion. +And twuwy, I'ww devise some honyest swandews +To stain my cousin with. Onye doth nyot k-knyow +How much an iww wowd may empoison wiking. +*pokes you* Uws. O-O, do nyot do youw cousin such a *shuffles closer* wwong! +*moans* She cannyot be so m-much without twue judgment +(Having so swift and excewwent a-a wit +As she is pwiz'd to have) as t-to wefuse +So w-wawe a-a gentweman as Signyiow Benyedick. +H-Hewo. He i-is the onwy man of Itawy, +Awways excepted m-my d-deaw Cwaudio. +Uws. I pway you b-be nyot angwy with ^w^ me, madam, +Speaking my fancy: ^-^ Signyiow Benyedick, +F-Fow shape, fow b-beawing, awgument, and vawouw, +Goes fowemost in *cuddles you* wepowt thwough >_> Itawy. +*sweats* Hewo. ;;w;; Indeed he :33 hath an x3 excewwent good nyame. +Uws. His excewwence did eawn it ewe he had it. +When awe you mawwied, madam? +Hewo. W-Why, ;;w;; evewy day to-mowwow! Come, go in. +I'ww show *blushes* thee s-some attiwes, and have *giggles shyly* thy counsew +Which is the best to fuwnyish ;;w;; me to-mowwow. +[They wawk away.] +Uws. uWu She's wim'd, I wawwant you! We have *screams* caught hew, madam. +Hewo. x3 If x3 it pwove *looks away* so, then woving *twerks* goes by haps; +Some Cupid kiwws with awwows, *hugs tightly* some with twaps. +E-Exeunt [Hewo and Uwsuwa]. + +[Beatwice advances f-fwom the awbouw.] + +Beat. What fiwe is *twerks* in minye eaws? Can this be twue? +Stand I condemn'd fow p-pwide and scown so much? +C-Contempt, faweweww! and maiden pwide, adieu! +Nyo gwowy wives behind t-the back of such. +And, Benyedick, wove *teleports behind you* on; I-I w-wiww wequite thee, +Taming my *blushes* wiwd :3 heawt to t-thy woving hand. +I-If thou dost *hugs tightly* wove, my kindnyess shaww incite thee +To bind ouw woves up in :3 a howy band; +Fow othews say thou dost desewve, and I +Bewieve it bettew than wepowtingwy. Exit. + + + + +Scenye I-II. +A woom in Weonyato's house. + +Entew Don P-Pedwo, C-Cwaudio, B-Benyedick, a-and Weonyato. + +Pedwo. *shuffles closer* I do *looks away* but stay tiww youw mawwiage *cries* be c-consummate, and then go +*teleports behind you* I towawd Awwagon. +Cwaud. I'ww bwing you thithew, my wowd, if you'ww vouchsafe m-me. +Pedwo. Nyay, that wouwd be as gweat a soiw in the nyew gwoss of youw +mawwiage as to show a >_< chiwd :33 his n-nyew coat and fowbid him to weaw +it. I >_< wiww onwy be bowd with Benyedick fow his company; fow, fwom +*looks away* the *giggles shyly* cwown o-of his head to the s-sowe of his foot, he is aww miwth. +He hath twice ^w^ ow thwice cut Cupid's bowstwing, and the wittwe +hangman d-dawe nyot shoot at him. He hath a heawt as sound as a +beww; and h-his >_> tongue is *sweats* the cwappew, fow >_> what his heawt thinks, +his t-tongue speaks. +Benye. *cries* Gawwants, I am nyot as I have b-been. +*teleports behind you* Weon. So say I-I. Methinks ^w^ you a-awe :33 saddew. +Cwaud. :33 I hope he be i-in wove. +Pedwo. *blushes* Hang him, twuant! Thewe's nyo twue dwop of bwood in him to be +twuwy touch'd with w-wove. If he be *teleports behind you* sad, ^.^ he wants *sweats* monyey. +Benye. I have *sighs* the toothache. +Pedwo. Dwaw it. +Benye. Hang ^-^ it! +Cwaud. :3 You must hang it fiwst a-and ^-^ dwaw it aftewwawds. +Pedwo. What? sigh fow >_< the *moans* toothache? +W-Weon. Whewe is *cries* but a humouw ow ^.^ a wowm. +Benye. Weww, evewy onye c-can mastew a *sighs* gwief but >w< he *sighs* that has it. +Cwaud. Yet say I he is in wove. +Pedwo. *twerks* Thewe is nyo appeawance of f-fancy *teleports behind you* in him, unwess it OwO be a-a fancy +that *pokes you* he >w< hath to stwange disguises; as to be a Dutchman to-day, a +Fwenchman to-mowwow; ow in the shape of two c-countwies a-at once, as +a Gewman *shuffles closer* fwom the waist d-downwawd, aww swops, and a Spanyiawd fwom +the hip upwawd, n-nyo doubwet. Unwess he :3 have a fancy t-to this +foowewy, a-as it appeaws h-he hath, h-he is nyo foow fow fancy, a-as you +wouwd have it a-appeaw he is. +Cwaud. If he be nyot in wove with *cries* some woman, thewe is n-nyo *teleports behind you* bewieving +owd s-signs. 'A bwushes his hat o' mownyings. What shouwd that bode? +Pedwo. H-Hath any man seen him at the *looks away* bawbew's? +Cwaud. Nyo, but the bawbew's man hath been *teleports behind you* seen with him, and *cuddles you* the +o-owd ownyament *cries* of his cheek h-hath awweady stuff'd tennyis bawws. +:33 Weon. Indeed he wooks youngew than he did, by the woss of a ^w^ beawd. +Pedwo. Nyay, 'a ^.^ wubs h-himsewf with civet. uWu Can you smeww him out b-by +t-that? +Cwaud. That's as *twerks* much as to say, the sweet youth's in *hugs tightly* wove. +Pedwo. The gweatest nyote of it *cuddles you* is h-his mewanchowy. +Cwaud. And when w-was he wont to wash his face? +Pedwo. Yea, ow to paint himsewf? fow the which I-I heaw what they say +of him. +C-Cwaud. Nyay, but his j-jesting *blushes* spiwit, which is nyew-cwept into a +wutestwing, and n-nyow govewn'd by stops. +Pedwo. Indeed that *leans over* tewws a h-heavy t-tawe fow him. Concwude, concwude, +he is in w-wove. +Cwaud. Nyay, but I knyow who woves him. +Pedwo. That wouwd I-I knyow too. I wawwant, onye that knyows him nyot. +Cwaud. Y-Yes, and his iww conditions; and in despite o-of aww, dies fow +him. +Pedwo. She shaww be buwied with h-hew >w< face upwawds. +Benye. *hugs tightly* Yet is :33 this nyo chawm fow t-the toothache. Owd signyiow, wawk +aside *notices bulge* with me. I have studied eight ow nyinye *notices bulge* wise wowds t-to speak +to ^w^ you, xDD which these h-hobby-howses must nyot heaw. +[Exeunt Benyedick and Weonyato.] +Pedwo. Fow :3 my w-wife, to bweak with him about B-Beatwice! +Cwaud. 'Tis even so. Hewo a-and *blushes* Mawgawet h-have by *sighs* this pwayed theiw +pawts with >_> Beatwice, and then the two beaws wiww nyot bite onye +anyothew w-when they meet. + +Entew John the Bastawd. + +John. M-My wowd and bwothew, God save you. +Pedwo. Good den, bwothew. +J-John. If *cries* youw weisuwe sewv'd, I wouwd speak with you. +Pedwo. In p-pwivate? +John. I-If it pwease you. Yet *sweats* Count C-Cwaudio *hugs tightly* may heaw, fow what I +*hugs tightly* wouwd speak of c-concewns him. +P-Pedwo. What's the mattew? +OwO John. [to Cwaudio] Means youw wowdship to be mawwied tomowwow? +Pedwo. You k-knyow h-he *blushes* does. +John. I k-knyow nyot that, when he knyows :3 what I knyow. +Cwaud. If thewe b-be any impediment, I pway y-you discovew it. +John. You may think I-I wove you n-nyot. Wet that a-appeaw heweaftew, and +aim bettew at me uWu by *sweats* that I x3 nyow wiww manyifest. Fow my bwothew, *notices bulge* I +think he howds you weww *giggles shyly* and in deawnyess of heawt hath howp t-to +effect youw ensuing mawwiage--suwewy suit iww spent a-and wabouw +iww bestowed! +Pedwo. Why, what's the mattew? +John. I came hithew to teww *blushes* you, ^.^ and, ciwcumstances showt'nyed (fow +she *shuffles closer* has been too wong a-tawking of), the w-wady is diswoyaw. +*pokes you* Cwaud. ^-^ Who? Hewo? +John. Even she--Weonyato's Hewo, youw Hewo, xDD evewy man's Hewo. +Cwaud. Diswoyaw? +John. T-The w-wowd is too g-good to paint *looks away* out hew *sweats* wickednyess. I-I c-couwd say +she ^-^ wewe wowse; think you of a wowse >_< titwe, and I w-wiww fit hew to +it. Wondew nyot tiww fuwthew wawwant. *hugs tightly* Go but with me to-nyight, you +shaww see hew c-chambew window ent'wed, even the nyight befowe hew +wedding day. If y-you wove h-hew then, to-mowwow *blushes* wed hew. But ^-^ it +wouwd b-bettew fit youw honyouw to c-change youw mind. +Cwaud. May this be so? +Pedwo. I wiww nyot think it. +*moans* John. I-If you dawe nyot twust that you see, :33 confess n-nyot x3 that you +knyow. If you w-wiww fowwow me, I wiww show y-you enyough; and when you +h-have seen mowe and heawd mowe, pwoceed accowdingwy. +Cwaud. If I see anything *shuffles closer* to-nyight why I shouwd n-nyot mawwy hew +to-mowwow, in the congwegation whewe *sweats* I s-shouwd wed, thewe wiww I +shame hew. +*giggles shyly* Pedwo. And, a-as I wooed fow thee *notices bulge* to obtain hew, I wiww join w-with +thee to UwU disgwace hew. +John. I ^-^ wiww dispawage hew x3 nyo fawthew *looks away* tiww you awe my witnyesses. +Beaw i-it cowdwy >w< but tiww midnyight, and wet the issue show itsewf. +*moans* Pedwo. O day untowawdwy *hugs tightly* tuwnyed! +Cwaud. O mischief >_> stwangewy thwawting! +John. O pwague wight weww pwevented! +So w-wiww you x3 say w-when you have seen *notices bulge* the Sequew. +Exeunt. + + + + +S-Scenye III. +A stweet. + +E-Entew Dogbewwy and his compawtnyew [Vewges], with ^-^ the Watch. + +Dog. Awe x3 you ^w^ good *cuddles you* men and >_< twue? +Vewg. Y-Yea, ow ewse it wewe p-pity but they shouwd s-suffew sawvation, +body and *pokes you* souw. +Dog. Nyay, t-that wewe >_< a punyishment too good fow them if they shouwd +have any awwegiance in them, being chosen *cuddles you* fow the Pwince's watch. +Vewg. Weww, *teleports behind you* give them theiw chawge, nyeighbouw Dogbewwy. +Dog. F-Fiwst, xDD who think you the m-most desawtwess man t-to >_< be constabwe? +1. Watch. Hugh Oatcake, siw, ow Geowge Seacoaw; f-fow *teleports behind you* they can wwite +and wead. +*sighs* Dog. Come hithew, nyeighbouw Seacoaw. God hath bwess'd you with a +good nyame. To OwO be a weww-favouwed m-man is the gift *screams* of fowtunye, but +to wwite *twerks* and wead comes by nyatuwe. +2. Watch. Both which, Mastew *moans* Constabwe-- +Dog. You have. I *cuddles you* knyew it wouwd b-be youw answew. Weww, fow *pokes you* youw +favouw, siw, why, give God thanks and make nyo >w< boast o-of it; a-and +fow youw wwiting and w-weading, *moans* wet that appeaw when thewe is nyo +*moans* nyeed of such vanyity. ^w^ You a-awe thought *blushes* hewe to be the most +sensewess and fit man fow the constabwe of the watch. Thewefowe +beaw you the wanthown. T-This is youw chawge: you *twerks* shaww compwehend +aww vagwom men; you awe to *blushes* bid any man s-stand, in the Pwince's +nyame. +2. Watch. How if >_> 'a wiww nyot stand? +D-Dog. Why t-then, take nyo n-nyote of him, but wet him UwU go, and x3 pwesentwy +caww the west of the OwO watch togethew *sweats* and thank God you a-awe wid *notices bulge* of +a knyave. +Vewg. If he wiww n-nyot stand when he is bidden, he *leans over* is *teleports behind you* nyonye of the +Pwince's >_> subjects. +Dog. Twue, and they awe to meddwe w-with nyonye but the Pwince's +subjects. You shaww awso make nyo nyoise in the stweets; fow f-fow +the watch to babbwe a-and *screams* to tawk is most *cries* towewabwe, and nyot to be +enduwed. +2. >_> Watch. We w-wiww wathew sweep than tawk. We knyow w-what bewongs to +a watch. +Dog. Why, y-you speak wike an ancient and most quiet watchman, fow I +cannyot ;;w;; see *twerks* how sweeping shouwd offend. Onwy x3 have a-a cawe that youw +biwws be nyot stow'n. Weww, y-you awe to uWu caww at aww the awehouses +and bid those *moans* that awe *hugs tightly* dwunk get >_< them to bed. +2. Watch. How if they wiww nyot? +Dog. Why then, wet OwO them awonye tiww they awe s-sobew. If they make you +n-nyot then the bettew answew, You may say they awe nyot the men you +took them fow. +2. ^w^ Watch. Weww, siw. +D-Dog. If *teleports behind you* you meet a thief, y-you uWu may suspect him, by ^.^ viwtue of youw +o-office, to be nyo twue man; and fow such kind o-of m-men, the wess you +meddwe ow make with them, why, t-the mowe youw honyesty. +2. Watch. If we knyow him *shuffles closer* to be a t-thief, shaww we nyot way hands on +him? +D-Dog. Twuwy, by youw office you may; but I think t-they that touch +*shuffles closer* pitch wiww be defiw'd. The most peaceabwe way fow you, if you do +take a ^-^ thief, is *looks away* to wet him show himsewf what h-he is, and steaw +out o-of youw company. +Vewg. You have b-been a-awways cawwed a m-mewcifuw *looks at you* man, pawtnyew. +Dog. *looks at you* Twuwy, I wouwd nyot hang *blushes* a d-dog b-by UwU my wiww, much mowe a man who +hath any h-honyesty in *hugs tightly* him. +Vewg. If you heaw a-a chiwd cwy ^.^ in the nyight, you must caww to the +nyuwse and ^-^ bid hew stiww *teleports behind you* it. +2. Watch. *leans over* How if the n-nyuwse uWu be asweep and w-wiww nyot heaw us? +Dog. Why xDD then, depawt i-in peace and wet the *sighs* chiwd wake hew with +cwying; fow the e-ewe that wiww nyot heaw hew w-wamb when it baes wiww +nyevew answew a cawf *cries* when he b-bweats. +Vewg. 'Tis vewy twue. +Dog. *looks away* This is t-the end *sweats* of the chawge: you, constabwe, UwU awe to pwesent +the >_> Pwince's o-own pewson. If OwO you *pokes you* meet the Pwince *cuddles you* in the n-nyight, +you may stay OwO him. +Vewg. Nyay, by'w w-wady, that I think 'a cannyot. +D-Dog. Five shiwwings to onye *blushes* on't with any man that k-knyows the +statutes, he may stay him! Mawwy, nyot without the Pwince *cuddles you* be +wiwwing; fow indeed the watch ought to offend nyo man, a-and it is +a-an offence to ;;w;; stay a ^.^ man against his wiww. +Vewg. By'w wady, >_< I think it x3 be so. +Dog. Ha, ah, ha! Weww, mastews, ^.^ good n-nyight. ^-^ An thewe be a-any mattew +of weight chances, caww up m-me. Keep youw fewwows' counsews *giggles shyly* and +youw own, and good ^w^ nyight. Come, nyeighbouw. +2. *hugs tightly* Watch. Weww, mastews, we *looks at you* heaw ouw c-chawge. Wet us ;;w;; go sit hewe +^.^ upon the chuwch bench *notices bulge* tiww two, and then a-aww to bed. +Dog. Onye wowd mowe, honyest nyeighbouws. *leans over* I UwU pway *notices bulge* you *cries* watch about +Signyiow W-Weonyato's doow; fow the wedding being thewe :33 tomowwow, +thewe is a gweat coiw to-nyight. Adieu. Be vigitant, I beseech +you. Exeunt [Dogbewwy and Vewges]. + +Entew Bowachio and Conwade. + +B-Bowa. What, Conwade! +2. Watch. [aside] Peace! s-stiw nyot! +B-Bowa. Conwade, I-I say! +*moans* Con. Hewe, man. I-I am at thy ewbow. +Bowa. Mass, and my ewbow itch'd! *hugs tightly* I thought thewe wouwd *blushes* a scab +fowwow. +Con. *moans* I *sweats* wiww o-owe ^w^ thee an x3 answew fow that; and nyow fowwawd with thy +tawe. +Bowa. Stand thee cwose then undew t-this penthouse, fow it d-dwizzwes +wain, and I wiww, wike a twue dwunkawd, uttew aww to thee. +^.^ 2. Watch. [aside] Some tweason, *looks at you* mastews. ^-^ Yet stand cwose. +Bowa. Thewefowe knyow ^w^ I have eawnyed of Don John a t-thousand :33 ducats. +Con. Is it possibwe t-that any viwwany s-shouwd be so ^.^ deaw? +Bowa. Thou shouwdst wathew ask if it >w< wewe possibwe any viwwany +s-shouwd be so wich; fow when wich *looks at you* viwwains have nyeed of poow onyes, +poow onyes may make what pwice they wiww. +C-Con. I wondew at >_> it. +Bowa. That shows thou awt :33 unconfiwm'd. Thou knyowest that *moans* the +fashion of a d-doubwet, ow a hat, ow ^.^ a cwoak, is nyothing to a man. +Con. Yes, it is appawew. +Bowa. I :3 mean the fashion. +Con. Yes, the *hugs tightly* fashion is :3 the fashion. +Bowa. Tush! I may as weww say the foow's the foow. But seest xDD thou +^w^ nyot what a d-defowmed thief this *cries* fashion is? +2. xDD Watch. [aside] I-I knyow that Defowmed. 'A bas been a viwe thief +t-this s-seven yeaw; 'a goes *looks away* up and down wike a *screams* gentweman. I wemembew +his nyame. +*moans* Bowa. Didst thou n-nyot heaw s-somebody? +C-Con. Nyo; 'twas the vanye on the house. +Bowa. Seest ^w^ thou nyot, I *shuffles closer* say, *screams* what *hugs tightly* a defowmed thief this fashion is? +h-how giddiwy 'a tuwns about aww the hot-bwoods *twerks* between uWu fouwteen +and five-and-thiwty? sometimes fashionying *twerks* them wike Phawaoh's +sowdiews in the *pokes you* weechy painting, sometime wike god Bew's p-pwiests +i-in the owd chuwch >_> window, sometime >_< wike the shaven Hewcuwes in +the smiwch'd wowm-eaten tapestwy, whewe his codpiece seems OwO as +m-massy a-as *giggles shyly* his cwub? +Con. Aww this I ^w^ see; and I s-see that the fashion *looks at you* weaws out m-mowe +appawew than the m-man. But awt nyot thou thysewf giddy with the +fashion too, t-that thou hast shifted out of thy tawe i-into tewwing +me *twerks* of the fashion? +Bowa. Nyot so n-nyeithew. *looks at you* But knyow t-that I *sweats* have to-nyight *screams* wooed Mawgawet, +the Wady Hewo's *sighs* gentwewoman, by *hugs tightly* the *looks away* nyame of >w< Hewo. She weans me +o-out at hew mistwess' chambew window, bids me a thousand times +good nyight--I teww x3 this tawe viwewy; I shouwd fiwst t-teww thee how +*cuddles you* the Pwince, Cwaudio and uWu my mastew, *cries* pwanted and p-pwaced and +possessed by my mastew Don J-John, saw *twerks* afaw off UwU in the *sweats* owchawd this +amiabwe e-encountew. +C-Con. And t-thought they M-Mawgawet was Hewo? +B-Bowa. Two of ^-^ them did, the P-Pwince >_> and Cwaudio; but the deviw m-my +mastew knyew she was x3 Mawgawet; a-and pawtwy by his oaths, which +fiwst possess'd OwO them, pawtwy by the dawk nyight, which did deceive +them, x3 but ^-^ chiefwy by my ^w^ viwwany, which did confiwm any swandew +that Don xDD John had made, away went Cwaudio enwag'd; x3 swowe he wouwd +meet hew, as he was ^w^ appointed, nyext mownying at the *giggles shyly* tempwe, and +thewe, befowe the whowe congwegation, shame hew *teleports behind you* with x3 what h-he saw +o'ewnyight and send hew home again without a-a husband. +2. Watch. We chawge you ;;w;; in the Pwince's *cuddles you* nyame stand! +1-1. Watch. Caww up the w-wight Mastew C-Constabwe. We have hewe +wecovew'd the most dangewous piece of wechewy :3 that evew was knyown +in the commonweawth. +2. Watch. And onye Defowmed is o-onye of them. I *looks away* knyow him; 'a weaws a +wock. +*looks at you* Con. Mastews, mastews-- +1. W-Watch. You'ww be made bwing Defowmed fowth, *screams* I wawwant you. +xDD Con. Mastews-- +2. *sweats* Watch. Nyevew s-speak, w-we chawge *pokes you* you. Wet >_> us obey you t-to go ^w^ with +us. +Bowa. We awe ^-^ wike *looks at you* to pwove a goodwy commodity, being taken up of +these men's b-biwws. +Con. A commodity in question, I xDD wawwant you. Come, we'ww obey you. +Exeunt. + + + + +*looks at you* Scenye IV. +A Woom in W-Weonyato's house. + +Entew *moans* Hewo, *twerks* and :3 Mawgawet and Uwsuwa. + +Hewo. G-Good Uwsuwa, wake >_> my c-cousin Beatwice ^.^ and desiwe *giggles shyly* hew to wise. +Uws. ^w^ I wiww, wady. +Hewo. *leans over* And b-bid hew *hugs tightly* come h-hithew. +U-Uws. *sighs* Weww. [Exit.] +Mawg. Twoth, I-I think youw othew w-webato wewe bettew. +Hewo. Nyo, pway thee, *teleports behind you* good *screams* Meg, I'ww weaw >_> this. +Mawg. B-By my twoth, 's *looks at you* nyot so good, *pokes you* and I wawwant youw cousin wiww +say so. +Hewo. My ^-^ cousin's a foow, *twerks* and thou awt >w< anyothew. I'ww weaw nyonye but +this. +Mawg. I wike the nyew ^-^ tiwe within excewwentwy, if the haiw wewe *looks at you* a +thought bwownyew; and youw gown's a most wawe fashion, i' *teleports behind you* faith. +I saw the Duchess *pokes you* of M-Miwan's gown that they p-pwaise s-so. +Hewo. ^.^ O, that exceeds, they say. +Mawg. By my >w< twoth, 's but a nyightgown in w-wespect of *pokes you* youws-- +cwoth-o'-gowd a-and cuts, and wac'd with s-siwvew, set with peawws +down sweeves, side-sweeves, and skiwts, wound undewbownye with +a-a bwush tinsew. But fow a finye, q-quaint, gwacefuw, and excewwent +fashion, youws is wowth ten >w< on't. +*sweats* Hewo. God give me j-joy to weaw *giggles shyly* it! fow my heawt is e-exceeding heavy. +Mawg. 'Twiww b-be heaview soon by xDD the weight OwO of a *sweats* man. +H-Hewo. Fie upon thee! awt nyot ashamed? +Mawg. Of *cuddles you* what, wady? uWu of s-speaking honyouwabwy? Is nyot mawwiage +honyouwabwe in a b-beggaw? *teleports behind you* Is nyot youw wowd honyouwabwe without +mawwiage? I think you wouwd have me say, 'saving y-youw wevewence, +a-a ^-^ husband.' A-An bad thinking do nyot wwest twue speaking, I-I'ww +offend nyobody. Is thewe any hawm in *shuffles closer* 'the heaview fow a husband'? +Nyonye, I think, an it be the wight husband and t-the wight *looks at you* wife. +UwU Othewwise 'tis *hugs tightly* wight, and nyot heavy. Ask *pokes you* my Wady Beatwice ewse. +OwO Hewe s-she comes. + +Entew B-Beatwice. + +*cries* Hewo. Good mowwow, coz. +Beat. Good mowwow, s-sweet Hewo. +Hewo. Why, how nyow? Do *screams* you speak in the sick tunye? +Beat. I am out of uWu aww othew tunye, methinks. +*screams* Mawg. Cwap's into 'Wight o' wove.' That *looks away* goes without a b-buwden. Do +you sing it, and I'ww *teleports behind you* dance it. +Beat. Yea, 'Wight o' wove' w-with youw heews! then, if youw husband +have s-stabwes enyough, you'ww see he shaww wack n-nyo bawnyes. +Mawg. O iwwegitimate constwuction! I scown that with my heews. +Beat. 'Tis uWu awmost OwO five o'cwock, cousin; 'tis t-time you w-wewe weady. +By my twoth, I OwO am *shuffles closer* exceeding iww. Hey-ho! +Mawg. Fow a *cries* hawk, a OwO howse, ow a husband? +Beat. Fow :33 the wettew that begins them aww, H. +Mawg. Weww, a-an you be nyot tuwn'd Tuwk, t-thewe's nyo *sighs* mowe saiwing b-by +the s-staw. +B-Beat. What means the foow, twow? +Mawg. Nyothing I; *screams* but God send evewy o-onye theiw h-heawt's desiwe! +Hewo. These gwoves the Count sent me, they awe *hugs tightly* an excewwent +pewfume. +*cries* Beat. I am stuff'd, cousin; *looks at you* I c-cannyot smeww. +Mawg. A maid, :3 and stuff'd! Thewe's goodwy catching of cowd. +Beat. *shuffles closer* O, God hewp me! God h-hewp me! How wong have you *cuddles you* pwofess'd +appwehension? +Mawg. Evew s-since you weft it. Doth nyot my w-wit become me wawewy? +Beat. It is nyot s-seen enyough. *shuffles closer* You shouwd weaw it in >_< youw cap. By m-my +twoth, *blushes* I am sick. +M-Mawg. Get you some of this distiww'd cawduus benyedictus ^.^ and way it +to youw heawt. *blushes* It is the onwy thing fow a quawm. +Hewo. Thewe thou p-pwick'st hew with a-a thistwe. +Beat. Benyedictus? why b-benyedictus? Y-You have some mowaw in this +'benyedictus.' +Mawg. Mowaw? Nyo, by my >w< twoth, I have nyo m-mowaw meanying; *screams* I UwU meant +pwain howy thistwe. *looks at you* You may think *leans over* pewchance *hugs tightly* that I think you awe +in wove. Nyay, by'w wady, I am nyot such *cuddles you* a foow *hugs tightly* to think what I +wist; nyow I wist *giggles shyly* nyot to think what I can; nyow indeed I cannyot +think, if I x3 wouwd t-think my heawt out of thinking, that you awe in +wove, *cries* ow that you wiww be in ^.^ wove, ow that you can be in wove. +*looks at you* Yet Benyedick was such anyothew, and nyow ^w^ is he become a man. :3 He +*hugs tightly* swowe he wouwd nyevew mawwy; a-and yet ^-^ nyow in despite of his ;;w;; heawt +he eats ;;w;; his meat without gwudging; and how you may be convewted I +k-knyow nyot, but methinks you wook *looks away* with youw eyes as *giggles shyly* othew women do. +Beat. What pace *moans* is *pokes you* this that thy tongue keeps? +Mawg. Nyot a fawse gawwop. + +Entew Uwsuwa. + +Uws. Madam, UwU withdwaw. The Pwince, the Count, Signyiow Benyedick, Don +J-John, a-and aww the gawwants of the t-town a-awe come to fetch you to +chuwch. +H-Hewo. Hewp to dwess me, good coz, good Meg, good U-Uwsuwa. +OwO [Exeunt.] + + + + +Scenye V-V. +The *cuddles you* haww in Weonyato's >_> house. + +Entew Weonyato and the Constabwe [Dogbewwy] and the Headbowough [vewges]. + +*shuffles closer* Weon. What wouwd you with me, honyest nyeighbouw? +Dog. *giggles shyly* Mawwy, siw, I wouwd have s-some c-confidence *screams* with y-you that d-decewns +you nyeawwy. +W-Weon. Bwief, I pway you; fow y-you see it i-is a busy time with me. +Dog. Mawwy, ^w^ this it is, siw. +Vewg. Yes, in twuth i-it i-is, siw. +Weon. *notices bulge* What is it, my good fwiends? +Dog. Goodman Vewges, siw, speaks a wittwe off the mattew--an owd +man, *cries* siw, OwO and his wits awe nyot so bwunt as, God hewp, I wouwd +desiwe OwO they wewe; but, in faith, *notices bulge* honyest as the skin between his +;;w;; bwows. +Vewg. Yes, I thank God *sweats* I am as honyest as any man wiving that i-is *sweats* an +owd *screams* man and nyo honyestew >_> than *cuddles you* I. +Dog. xDD Compawisons awe odowous. Pawabwas, nyeighbouw V-Vewges. +Weon. Nyeighbouws, you :3 awe tedious. +Dog. *twerks* It pweases youw wowship to say so, but we awe the poow *teleports behind you* Duke's +officews; but twuwy, fow minye own pawt, if I w-wewe as tedious as a +king, I x3 couwd ^-^ find in my heawt to bestow it aww of youw wowship. +Weon. Aww xDD thy *pokes you* tediousnyess on me, ah? +Dog. Yea, x3 in 'twewe a thousand pound mowe than *screams* 'tis; fow *teleports behind you* I h-heaw as +good excwamation on youw wowship as of any man in the city; and +though *moans* I be but a-a OwO poow man, *cries* I am gwad to heaw it. +Vewg. And so am I-I. +Weon. I wouwd *leans over* fain knyow what you xDD have ^.^ to say. +Vewg. Mawwy, siw, ouw watch *moans* to-nyight, excepting y-youw wowship's +pwesence, ha' *cuddles you* ta'en a *shuffles closer* coupwe of as awwant knyaves a-as :3 any in +Messinya. +Dog. A good owd man, ^.^ siw; h-he wiww be tawking. ^w^ As they say, 'When +the age i-is in, the wit is out.' God hewp u-us! i-it is a wowwd >_< to +see! W-Weww said, i' f-faith, nyeighbouw Vewges. Weww, God's a g-good +man. An two m-men wide of a howse, onye must w-wide behind. An honyest +souw, i' faith, siw, by my twoth *shuffles closer* he is, as evew b-bwoke bwead; but +God is to be wowshipp'd; a-aww men awe nyot awike, *cuddles you* awas, good +nyeighbouw! +W-Weon. Indeed, nyeighbouw, ;;w;; he *cries* comes too showt o-of you. +D-Dog. Gifts that G-God gives. +Weon. I must weave you. +^-^ Dog. O-Onye wowd, siw. *looks at you* Ouw watch, siw, *notices bulge* have *hugs tightly* indeed compwehended two +aspicious pewsons, and >_< we wouwd have *screams* them this mownying examinyed +befowe youw *cries* wowship. +Weon. Take theiw examinyation youwsewf and bwing xDD it m-me. *sighs* I am n-nyow in +*leans over* gweat h-haste, as it may a-appeaw >w< unto you. +Dog. It shaww be suffigance. +Weon. Dwink some winye ewe you go. Fawe you weww. + +[Entew *sighs* a Messengew.] + +*hugs tightly* Mess. My wowd, they stay fow you t-to *giggles shyly* give youw daughtew to hew +husband. +Weon. *twerks* I'ww wait UwU upon them. I am weady. +[Exeunt Weonyato and Messengew.] +*leans over* Dog. Go, good ^w^ pawtnyew, *leans over* go get you t-to Fwancis S-Seacoaw; bid him bwing +his pen :3 and inkhown to the jaiw. OwO We awe nyow to e-examinyation these +men. +Vewg. And we must do it wisewy. +Dog. ^-^ We wiww spawe fow n-nyo wit, I >_< wawwant y-you. *shuffles closer* Hewe's ^w^ that shaww +dwive >_> some ^-^ of them to *moans* a nyon-come. Onwy get *moans* the weawnyed *shuffles closer* wwitew to +set *looks away* down o-ouw excommunyication, >w< and meet me at the jaiw. +[Exeunt.] + + + + +<> + + + +ACT IV. S-Scenye I-I. +A chuwch. + +Entew Don Pedwo, *hugs tightly* [John the] B-Bastawd, Weonyato, Fwiaw [Fwancis], Cwaudio, +Benyedick, Hewo, *looks at you* Beatwice, [and A-Attendants]. + +Weon. Come, Fwiaw Fwancis, be bwief. Onwy to the pwain ;;w;; fowm of +m-mawwiage, a-and *leans over* you *cuddles you* shaww wecount theiw pawticuwaw duties +aftewwawds. +Fwiaw. ^-^ You *giggles shyly* come hithew, *pokes you* my wowd, to mawwy this wady? +*teleports behind you* Cwaud. Nyo. +Weon. To be mawwied to hew. Fwiaw, *cuddles you* you come to mawwy hew. +Fwiaw. Wady, xDD you come hithew :33 to be mawwied :3 to t-this ^w^ count? +Hewo. I do. +Fwiaw. I-If eithew of you knyow any inwawd impediment why y-you shouwd +nyot :33 be *hugs tightly* conjoinyed, I chawge *shuffles closer* you x3 on y-youw souws xDD to uttew it. +Cwaud. Knyow y-you any, Hewo? +Hewo. Nyonye, xDD my wowd. +Fwiaw. ^w^ Knyow you any, Count? +Weon. I dawe make his answew--nyonye. +Cwaud. O, *screams* what men dawe d-do! what >_< men may do! what men daiwy *leans over* do, nyot +knyowing what *notices bulge* they do! +Benye. >_< How nyow? intewjections? Why then, some be o-of waughing, ^.^ as, +:33 ah, h-ha, *shuffles closer* he! +*twerks* Cwaud. ^.^ Stand *giggles shyly* thee by, fwiaw. Fathew, by youw weave: +Wiww you with f-fwee and u-unconstwainyed souw +Give me this maid OwO youw daughtew? +Weon. *leans over* As fweewy, son, as God did give uWu hew me. +Cwaud. *screams* And w-what *shuffles closer* have I >w< to give you back whose *sweats* wowth +*giggles shyly* May countewpoise this wich and p-pwecious gift? +Pedwo. Nyothing, unwess you wendew :33 hew again. +Cwaud. Sweet Pwince, *twerks* you *teleports behind you* weawn m-me n-nyobwe *hugs tightly* thankfuwnyess. +Thewe, Weonyato, take hew b-back >_< again. +Give nyot t-this wotten owange to youw fwiend. +S-She's but the sign and sembwance of hew *sighs* honyouw. +UwU Behowd xDD how *looks at you* wike a maid :33 she bwushes hewe! +O-O, what authowity and show of twuth +Can cunnying sin *cries* covew itsewf withaw! +Comes nyot that bwood as OwO modest e-evidence +*leans over* To witnyess simpwe v-viwtue, *giggles shyly* Wouwd you nyot sweaw, +Aww y-you that see hew, that s-she wewe a m-maid +By these extewiow *sweats* shows? But she is nyonye: +*moans* She knyows the heat of a wuxuwious bed; +Hew bwush is guiwtinyess, nyot modesty. +W-Weon. What d-do you mean, m-my wowd? +Cwaud. Nyot to be *sighs* mawwied, +Nyot to knyit my souw to an *notices bulge* appwoved wanton. +Weon. Deaw my wowd, if y-you, in youw own pwoof, +*sweats* Have *looks at you* vanquish'd >_< the wesistance of hew *twerks* youth +OwO And *hugs tightly* made defeat of hew viwginyity-- +Cwaud. I knyow what you wouwd say. *cries* If I have knyown hew, +*hugs tightly* You wiww say s-she did e-embwace *giggles shyly* me as a husband, +And so e-extenyuate the fowehand UwU sin. +Nyo, W-Weonyato, +I nyevew t-tempted hew with wowd t-too wawge, +But, as a bwothew t-to h-his sistew, show'd +Bashfuw sincewity and comewy wove. +Hewo. And seem'd I evew othewwise *looks at you* to you? +C-Cwaud. Out >w< on the seeming! I wiww wwite *twerks* against it. +You seem to me as OwO Dian in hew owb, +As chaste as is the bud ewe it b-be :3 bwown; +But you awe mowe intempewate in youw bwood +Than Venyus, ow those pamp'wed anyimaws +That w-wage in savage s-sensuawity. +Hewo. Is my wowd weww that he doth speak so wide? +Weon. Sweet Pwince, why s-speak nyot you? +Pedwo. What shouwd I speak? +I stand dishonyouw'd that h-have gonye about +To *looks at you* wink my *blushes* deaw fwiend to a c-common stawe. +W-Weon. A-Awe these things spoken, ow do I-I UwU but dweam? +John. Siw, they awe spoken, and *screams* these things awe twue. +>_< Benye. This wooks nyot wike OwO a nyuptiaw. +Hewo. UwU 'Twue!' O *screams* God! +Cwaud. W-Weonyato, s-stand I hewe? +Is this the Pwince, Is this the Pwince's bwothew? +Is this face Hewo's? Awe o-ouw eyes ouw own? +Weon. Aww this is so; but what of this, my w-wowd? +Cwaud. Wet *screams* me but move onye *sweats* question to youw daughtew, +And by that *pokes you* fathewwy *twerks* and kindwy powew +That you have i-in hew, bid h-hew answew twuwy. +Weon. I chawge thee do so, as t-thou ^.^ awt my chiwd. +Hewo. ;;w;; O, G-God defend me! How am I beset! +x3 What kind uWu of catechising caww *teleports behind you* you t-this? +Cwaud. To make you answew twuwy to youw nyame. +^.^ Hewo. Is it n-nyot Hewo? *hugs tightly* Who can *blushes* bwot that n-nyame +With any just wepwoach? +Cwaud. M-Mawwy, that can Hewo! +Hewo itsewf can b-bwot out Hewo's viwtue. +W-What man was he tawk'd with you yestewnyight, +Out at youw window betwixt twewve and onye? +Nyow, i-if you awe a maid, answew to this. +Hewo. *cuddles you* I tawk'd :33 with nyo man at that houw, *leans over* my x3 wowd. +Pedwo. Why, then awe *teleports behind you* you nyo maiden. Weonyato, +I am sowwy you m-must heaw. Upon my honyouw, +Mysewf, my bwothew, and this gwieved Count +Did see hew, heaw hew, at *giggles shyly* that houw wast nyight +*looks at you* Tawk with a w-wuffian at hew chambew window, +Who hath *cries* indeed, ^.^ most wike a wibewaw viwwain, +C-Confess'd the viwe e-encountews they have had +A t-thousand x3 times in secwet. +John. Fie, f-fie! they awe nyot to be nyam'd, my wowd-- +N-Nyot to be spoke of; +Thewe is xDD nyot *hugs tightly* chastity, enyough in w-wanguage +Without offence *blushes* to uttew them. Thus, pwetty wady, +I am sowwy *cuddles you* fow thy much misgovewnment. +Cwaud. O Hewo! what :3 a Hewo hadst *cries* thou *sweats* been +If hawf thy outwawd g-gwaces had been pwac'd +About ^.^ thy thoughts and c-counsews of *cries* thy heawt! +But fawe thee weww, most fouw, most faiw! x3 Faweweww, +T-Thou puwe impiety and impious puwity! +Fow thee I'ww wock u-up aww the g-gates *sweats* of wove, +And on *moans* my eyewids s-shaww conjectuwe hang, +To tuwn aww beauty ^w^ into thoughts of hawm, +>_> And nyevew shaww it mowe be gwacious. +Weon. Hath nyo man's daggew hewe a-a point f-fow me? +[Hewo swoons.] +Beat. Why, how nyow, xDD cousin? OwO Whewefowe sink you *sweats* down? +*sweats* John. *giggles shyly* Come wet *giggles shyly* us go. These t-things, come *looks away* thus to wight, +Smothew hew spiwits up. +[Exeunt *sighs* Don Pedwo, Don Juan, and Cwaudio.] +Benye. How doth the :33 wady? +Beat. D-Dead, I think. *blushes* Hewp, uncwe! +Hewo! why, H-Hewo! Uncwe! Signyiow Benyedick! Fwiaw! +Weon. O Fate, take n-nyot away thy h-heavy hand! +Death is the faiwest covew fow :3 hew shame +>_> That may be wish'd fow. +Beat. How nyow, cousin H-Hewo? +F-Fwiaw. Have comfowt, wady. +*sighs* Weon. Dost thou wook u-up? +Fwiaw. Yea, whewefowe shouwd s-she nyot? +*sighs* Weon. Whewefowe? Why, doth nyot evewy e-eawthwy t-thing +Cwy shame upon hew? Couwd s-she hewe deny +The stowy that is pwinted in hew bwood? +D-Do nyot wive, Hewo; do nyot ope thinye eyes; +Fow, did *sighs* I think thou wouwdst nyot quickwy die, +:33 Thought I thy spiwits wewe stwongew t-than thy shames, +*twerks* Mysewf w-wouwd o-on the weawwawd of wepwoaches +Stwike at thy wife. Gwiev'd I, I had but onye? +Chiwd I fow that at fwugaw ;;w;; nyatuwe's fwame? +O, onye too much b-by thee! Why had I onye? +Why evew w-wast thou w-wovewy in my eyes? +*giggles shyly* Why had I nyot with chawitabwe hand +Took up a beggaw's issue at my g-gates, +Who smiwched thus ^-^ and :3 miw'd with infamy, +I m-might have said, 'Nyo pawt *blushes* of *screams* it *sweats* is minye; +This shame dewives itsewf fwom >_> unknyown woins'? +But *hugs tightly* minye, *twerks* and m-minye I w-wov'd, and minye I-I pwais'd, +And minye that I was *notices bulge* pwoud on--minye *looks at you* so much +That I *blushes* mysewf *shuffles closer* was to m-mysewf nyot minye, +Vawuing *cries* of hew--why, she, O, she *pokes you* is faww'n +Into a pit of ink, that the wide sea +*cuddles you* Hath dwops too few to wash hew cwean again, +And sawt too wittwe which may s-season *notices bulge* give +To *giggles shyly* hew fouw t-tainted fwesh! +Benye. S-Siw, siw, be patient. +Fow my pawt, I am so attiw'd in wondew, +I knyow nyot what to say. +Beat. O, on my *pokes you* souw, *cries* my cousin *twerks* is bewied! +Benye. Wady, wewe you hew bedfewwow *twerks* wast nyight? +Beat. Nyo, twuwy, nyot; awthough, untiw UwU wast nyight, +I have this twewvemonth been hew bedfewwow +Weon. C-Confiwm'd, c-confiwm'd! O-O, that i-is stwongew *notices bulge* made +Which x3 was befowe baww'd up with UwU wibs of iwon! +Wouwd *blushes* the two pwinces wie? a-and Cwaudio wie, +*shuffles closer* Who wov'd hew ;;w;; so that, speaking of hew fouwnyess, +Wash'd it with teaws? Hence fwom h-hew! wet hew die. +Fwiaw. H-Heaw >_> me a wittwe; +Fow I have onwy been siwent so wong, +And given >_> way unto this couwse of *notices bulge* fowtunye, +By n-nyoting of the wady. I-I have mawk'd +A-A thousand *looks at you* bwushing appawitions +To stawt *hugs tightly* into h-hew face, a t-thousand innyocent shames +In angew whitenyess b-beat away t-those bwushes, +And in hew eye thewe hath appeaw'd a fiwe +To buwn the *sweats* ewwows t-that these pwinces *twerks* howd +A-Against hew m-maiden t-twuth. Caww m-me a *cuddles you* foow; +Twust nyot my weading nyow my obsewvation, +;;w;; Which with expewimentaw seaw doth wawwant +>_> The tenyuwe of m-my book; twust *notices bulge* nyot m-my *giggles shyly* age, +My wevewence, cawwing, nyow divinyity, +If this sweet wady wie nyot guiwtwess hewe +Undew :3 some biting ewwow. +Weon. ^.^ Fwiaw, it cannyot be. +T-Thou seest that aww the gwace that she hath weft +Is that she wiww nyot add to hew damnyation +A sin of pewjuwy: she nyot *looks away* denyies i-it. +^-^ Why seek'st thou then to covew with excuse +That which appeaws in pwopew nyakednyess? +Fwiaw. Wady, what man is he you awe *leans over* accus'd of? +Hewo. T-They knyow *screams* that do accuse me; I knyow nyonye. +I-If I knyow mowe of x3 any *blushes* man awive +Than t-that w-which maiden modesty *shuffles closer* doth wawwant, +Wet *sweats* aww *cries* my sins wack mewcy! O *giggles shyly* my fathew, +Pwove xDD you that any man with me convews'd +*hugs tightly* At houws u-unmeet, ow that I yestewnyight +Maintain'd the c-change of wowds with any cweatuwe, +Wefuse *sighs* me, hate me, OwO towtuwe me to death! +Fwiaw. *looks at you* Thewe is some stwange mispwision in the pwinces. +Benye. Two of them have the vewy *giggles shyly* bent o-of honyouw; +And i-if *cries* theiw *giggles shyly* wisdoms be miswed in t-this, +The pwactice of it wives i-in *teleports behind you* John the bastawd, +uWu Whose s-spiwits toiw in fwame of viwwanyies. +Weon. I k-knyow nyot. If they speak but twuth of xDD hew, +These *sweats* hands shaww teaw *sighs* hew. ^-^ If they *leans over* wwong hew *looks at you* honyouw, +The pwoudest of them shaww weww heaw of it. +Time hath nyot yet so dwied this b-bwood of minye, +Nyow age so *screams* eat up my invention, +Nyow fowtunye made such ;;w;; havoc *sweats* of my means, +Nyow my bad wife weft me so m-much of *teleports behind you* fwiends, +But t-they shaww find awak'd ^w^ in s-such a k-kind +Both stwength of wimb a-and powicy o-of mind, +Abiwity in means, and choice of fwiends, +T-To quit me of t-them thwoughwy. +Fwiaw. Pause awhiwe +A-And wet my counsew sway *cuddles you* you i-in this case. +Youw x3 daughtew hewe the pwinces weft fow dead, +Wet ;;w;; hew awhiwe be secwetwy k-kept in, +*leans over* And >_> pubwish it that *sweats* she *looks at you* is dead indeed; +Maintain a-a mouwnying ostentation, +And on youw famiwy's owd xDD monyument +H-Hang mouwnfuw e-epitaphs, and do aww wites +That *screams* appewtain UwU unto a buwiaw. +Weon. *giggles shyly* What shaww become of this? What wiww this do? +Fwiaw. Mawwy, *hugs tightly* this weww cawwied shaww on hew *notices bulge* behawf +Change swandew to wemowse. T-That is uWu some good. +But n-nyot fow that dweam I-I on this stwange couwse, +B-But o-on this twavaiw wook *twerks* fow gweatew biwth. +^-^ She dying, as >_> it must be so m-maintain'd, +xDD Upon the instant that *cries* she was accus'd, +Shaww be wamented, pitied, and excus'd +O-Of evewy *moans* heawew; fow it so fawws out +*notices bulge* That what we have we pwize nyot to the wowth +Whiwes w-we *giggles shyly* enjoy *shuffles closer* it, b-but being UwU wack'd and *leans over* wost, +Why, then *giggles shyly* we *looks at you* wack t-the vawue, then *sighs* we find +The viwtue that possession wouwd nyot show us +Whiwes it x3 was ouws. So *hugs tightly* wiww ;;w;; it f-fawe ^.^ with Cwaudio. +When he shaww h-heaw she died upon his wowds, +T-Th' idea of hew *cries* wife shaww sweetwy c-cweep +:33 Into h-his study *pokes you* of imaginyation, +And evewy wovewy owgan of hew wife +Shaww :3 come appaweww'd in mowe pwecious h-habit, +Mowe moving, d-dewicate, and fuww of *sighs* wife, +Into the *notices bulge* eye a-and p-pwospect of h-his souw +Than when she :33 wiv'd indeed. *notices bulge* Then shaww he mouwn +(If *notices bulge* evew wove had intewest in his wivew) +^.^ And wish he had nyot so accused >_> hew-- +N-Nyo, *sighs* though b-be thought his accusation twue. +*screams* Wet this *pokes you* be *looks away* so, and *cries* doubt >_< nyot >_> but success +Wiww fashion the *cuddles you* event in bettew shape +Than I can way it down in wikewihood. +But if aww aim but this be weveww'd fawse, +>_> The *pokes you* supposition of the w-wady's d-death +Wiww quench t-the wondew o-of hew infamy. +And if UwU it s-sowt nyot weww, you may conceaw hew, +As best b-befits hew wounded weputation, +*shuffles closer* In some wecwusive and wewigious *giggles shyly* wife, +Out of aww eyes, tongues, m-minds, *shuffles closer* and injuwies. +Benye. Signyiow Weonyato, wet the fwiaw advise :3 you; +And though you knyow uWu my inwawdnyess and >_> wove +Is vewy much unto the Pwince a-and Cwaudio, +Y-Yet, by minye honyouw, I wiww ;;w;; deaw in this +*pokes you* As secwetwy a-and justwy as youw souw +Shouwd >w< with youw body. +Weon. *cuddles you* Being that I fwow in gwief, +The smawwest twinye may w-wead me. +Fwiaw. 'Tis UwU weww *giggles shyly* consented. Pwesentwy a-away; +F-Fow to stwange sowes stwangewy they *blushes* stwain the cuwe. +Come, wady, die to w-wive. OwO This wedding day +Pewhaps *sighs* is but *giggles shyly* pwowong'd. Have *cuddles you* patience a-and *pokes you* enduwe. +Exeunt [aww but Benyedick and Beatwice]. +Benye. W-Wady B-Beatwice, have you wept *sighs* aww t-this whiwe? +Beat. Yea, and OwO I ;;w;; wiww weep a whiwe wongew. +Benye. I wiww nyot *screams* desiwe that. +Beat. You have nyo weason. I do i-it fweewy. +*looks away* Benye. Suwewy I do b-bewieve youw *screams* faiw cousin is wwonged. +Beat. Ah, how *cuddles you* much might the man desewve o-of me that wouwd wight +h-hew! +*sweats* Benye. I-Is thewe any way to show such fwiendship? +^w^ Beat. A vewy even way, but nyo such fwiend. +Benye. ^.^ May a man do it? +:3 Beat. It is a-a man's office, but nyot youws. +Benye. I do w-wove :3 nyothing i-in the wowwd so weww as *looks away* you. Is nyot that +s-stwange? +>_< Beat. As stwange as the thing I-I knyow nyot. It wewe as possibwe fow +me :33 to say I woved nyothing so weww as you. But bewieve me nyot; and +y-yet I wie nyot. I *screams* confess nyothing, nyow I-I deny nyothing. I-I am sowwy +fow my cousin. +Benye. B-By my swowd, Beatwice, :3 thou wovest m-me. +Beat. Do nyot sweaw, and eat *notices bulge* it. +Benye. I wiww s-sweaw b-by i-it *leans over* that you *hugs tightly* wove me, and I wiww make him e-eat +i-it that s-says I wove n-nyot you. +Beat. Wiww you nyot eat ^-^ youw wowd? +uWu Benye. W-With nyo sauce that can be devised to it. I pwotest I wove +*leans over* thee. +Beat. Why then, God x3 fowgive me! +Benye. >_> What offence, sweet Beatwice? +Beat. uWu You have stayed ^.^ me in a happy houw. I-I was about to *pokes you* pwotest I +woved you. +*cries* Benye. And d-do i-it with aww t-thy *cries* heawt. +Beat. I wove x3 you with so much *looks at you* of my heawt that nyonye is weft to +p-pwotest. +B-Benye. *moans* Come, bid *looks away* me do anything fow *notices bulge* thee. +Beat. Kiww Cwaudio. +Benye. Ha! nyot fow t-the wide wowwd! +Beat. You kiww ^.^ me to deny >_> it. F-Faweweww. +Benye. Tawwy, sweet Beatwice. +Beat. I am gonye, though I am hewe. Thewe is nyo wove in *notices bulge* you. Nyay, I +pway you wet me go. +^w^ Benye. Beatwice-- +>w< Beat. In faith, I-I wiww >_< go. +Benye. We'ww be fwiends fiwst. +B-Beat. You dawe e-easiew *teleports behind you* be fwiends with me than fight with minye +enyemy. +B-Benye. Is Cwaudio ^-^ thinye enyemy? +Beat. Is 'a nyot appwoved in the h-height a viwwain, that UwU hath +s-swandewed, ^-^ scownyed, dishonyouwed my kinswoman? O that I w-wewe a +m-man! W-What? b-beaw h-hew in hand untiw they come to take hands, and +t-then x3 with pubwic accusation, uncovew'd swandew, unmitigated +wancouw--O *blushes* God, that I wewe *cries* a ^w^ man! I wouwd eat his heawt in the +mawket pwace. +Benye. Heaw *cries* me, Beatwice! +Beat. xDD Tawk with a man out at a ;;w;; window!-a pwopew saying! +Benye. Nyay *cries* but B-Beatwice-- +Beat. Sweet *blushes* Hewo! >_> she is w-wwong'd, she is *leans over* swand'wed, she is undonye. +Benye. Beat-- +Beat. Pwinces and Counties! Suwewy a pwincewy testimony, a goodwy +c-count, Count Comfect, UwU a sweet gawwant suwewy! O xDD that I wewe a m-man +fow *twerks* his sake! o-ow *cries* that I-I h-had any fwiend w-wouwd be a man fow my +s-sake! But manhood is mewted into cuwsies, vawouw into compwiment, +and *leans over* men awe onwy tuwn'd into tongue, and twim onyes too. He is nyow +as vawiant ^w^ as OwO Hewcuwes that onwy t-tewws >_< a wie,and sweaws i-it. *cries* I +c-cannyot be a m-man with wishing; thewefowe I-I wiww die a woman with +gwieving. +B-Benye. Tawwy, good Beatwice. By this xDD hand, I ^-^ wove xDD thee. +B-Beat. Use it fow my wove some othew way than sweawing by it. +Benye. Think you in youw souw the Count Cwaudio hath wwong'd Hewo? +Beat. Yea, *sighs* as suwe :33 is I-I h-have a *hugs tightly* thought ow a *twerks* souw. +Benye. Enyough, I a-am engag'd, I wiww chawwenge him. *leans over* I wiww kiss youw +hand, and so I weave you. B-By uWu this hand, *cries* Cwaudio *blushes* shaww wendew me a +deaw account. As you heaw of m-me, s-so think *looks away* of *notices bulge* me. Go comfowt youw +cousin. I ;;w;; must say she is dead-and s-so faweweww. +[Exeunt.] + + + + +S-Scenye II. +A x3 pwison. + +^w^ Entew the Constabwes [Dogbewwy and Vewges] *cuddles you* and t-the *looks away* Sexton, in gowns, +[and the Watch, with Conwade a-and] Bowachio. + +*moans* Dog. Is ouw whowe dissembwy *notices bulge* appeaw'd? +Vewg. O, a stoow and a cushion fow the sexton. +Sex. Which be *screams* the mawefactows? +Dog. Mawwy, that am *hugs tightly* I and my pawtnyew. +Vewg. Nyay, xDD that's cewtain. We have the *cuddles you* exhibition to e-examinye. +Sex. B-But which awe the *notices bulge* offendews that awe to be examinyed? wet them +come :33 befowe Mastew C-Constabwe. +D-Dog. Yea, mawwy, wet *shuffles closer* them *giggles shyly* come befowe me. What is youw nyame, +fwiend? +*cries* Bow. Bowachio. +D-Dog. P-Pway wwite d-down Bowachio. UwU Youws, siwwah? +Con. I *pokes you* am a gentweman, siw, and my nyame is *giggles shyly* Conwade. +Dog. Wwite down Mastew Gentweman C-Conwade. Mastews, do *cuddles you* you sewve +God? +Both. Yea, siw, w-we hope. +Dog. Wwite down that they hope they sewve God; *looks away* and *pokes you* wwite God f-fiwst, +UwU fow *pokes you* God d-defend ^w^ but G-God shouwd go >_< befowe such viwwains! Mastews, +it is pwoved awweady that you awe wittwe bettew than fawse +knyaves, and it wiww go n-nyeaw to be thought so showtwy. How answew +you fow >_< youwsewves? +C-Con. Mawwy, siw, w-we say we awe nyonye. +Dog. A mawvewwous witty fewwow, I a-assuwe *giggles shyly* you; b-but I uWu wiww go about +*looks away* with *sighs* him. Come you *sighs* hithew, siwwah. A wowd in *pokes you* youw eaw. Siw, xDD I say +to you, it is t-thought you awe f-fawse knyaves. +Bowa. Siw, I say to you we awe nyonye. +D-Dog. Weww, :33 stand aside. Fowe God, they awe both in a tawe. +Have you wwit down that they a-awe nyonye? +Sex. Mastew Constabwe, you go n-nyot the w-way to e-examinye. You must caww +fowth the watch that awe theiw ^.^ accusews. +Dog. Yea, *sighs* mawwy, *looks at you* that's the eftest way. Wet the w-watch OwO come fowth. +Mastews, I-I chawge you i-in ^w^ the P-Pwince's *blushes* nyame accuse these m-men. +*teleports behind you* 1. Watch. This m-man s-said, s-siw, *sighs* that Don *sweats* John the Pwince's bwothew +was a viwwain. +Dog. Wwite ^w^ down Pwince John a *looks away* viwwain. Why, this is fwat pewjuwy, +to caww a :33 pwince's b-bwothew viwwain. +B-Bowa. Mastew Constabwe-- +Dog. Pway thee, uWu fewwow, peace. I d-do nyot wike t-thy w-wook, I pwomise +thee. +*teleports behind you* Sex. What heawd you *looks at you* him say e-ewse? +2. Watch. Mawwy, that he had weceived a thousand ducats *looks away* of D-Don John +fow a-accusing the Wady *screams* Hewo wwongfuwwy. +Dog. F-Fwat buwgwawy as evew was ^-^ committed. +Vewg. Yea, b-by th' mass, that it is. +Sex. What ewse, fewwow? +1. Watch. And that C-Count Cwaudio d-did mean, upon *sweats* his wowds, uWu to +disgwace Hewo UwU befowe the w-whowe assembwy, and nyot mawwy hew. +Dog. O viwwain! thou wiwt be condemn'd i-into evewwasting wedemption +fow this. +Sex. What ewse? +Watchmen. This is aww. +Sex. And this is *hugs tightly* mowe, mastews, than OwO you can :33 deny. Pwince John is +this m-mownying secwetwy stow'n away. Hewo w-was in >_< this m-mannyew +>_< accus'd, in this mannyew wefus'd, and upon the gwief *teleports behind you* of t-this +suddenwy *cries* died. Mastew Constabwe, wet these men be b-bound and +*looks away* bwought t-to Weonyato's. I wiww g-go befowe and show him *teleports behind you* theiw +*twerks* examinyation. [-[Exit.] +Dog. Come, wet them be opinyion'd. +Vewg. Wet *twerks* them be in :33 the hands-- +Con. O-Off, coxcomb! +*looks at you* Dog. *sighs* God's my wife, whewe's the sexton? Wet him wwite down t-the +Pwince's officew coxcomb. Come, bind them.--Thou nyaughty vawwet! +Con. Away! you awe an ass, you awe an ass. +Dog. Dost thou nyot suspect m-my p-pwace? D-Dost thou nyot suspect my +yeaws? O that he wewe h-hewe to w-wwite m-me x3 down an ass! But, mastews, +wemembew that I am an >_< ass. Though it *cuddles you* be nyot wwitten down, y-yet +fowget nyot that I am a-an ass. Nyo, thou viwwain, thou *hugs tightly* awt fuww of +piety, as shaww be pwov'd upon thee by good witnyess. I am a wise +f-fewwow; and which UwU is mowe, a-an officew; and which i-is mowe, >_> a +househowdew; and which is m-mowe, as OwO pwetty a piece of fwesh as a-any +is in *leans over* Messinya, and onye >_> that knyows the waw, go to! and a :3 wich +fewwow enyough, go *leans over* to! and a-a ^.^ fewwow >_< that hath had wosses; and onye +that hath two gowns and evewything handsome about *cuddles you* him. Bwing him +away. O t-that I had been uWu wwit down an ass! +Exeunt. + + + + +<_> PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD >_> TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V-V. Scenye I. +The s-stweet, nyeaw OwO Weonyato's house. + +Entew Weonyato and his bwothew [ *screams* Antonyio]. + +Ant. If *pokes you* you go on t-thus, y-you wiww kiww youwsewf, +;;w;; And 'tis nyot wisdom t-thus to s-second gwief +Against youwsewf. +Weon. I pway thee c-cease thy counsew, +Which fawws into minye *pokes you* eaws as pwofitwess +As watew in a sieve. Give nyot me counsew, +Nyow wet nyo comfowtew dewight minye eaw +But such a-a onye whose wwongs *looks away* do suit with minye. +Bwing me a-a fathew that *pokes you* so wov'd his chiwd, +Whose *shuffles closer* joy of hew is ovewwhewm'd wike minye, +And bid him speak to me :33 of xDD patience. +*looks at you* Measuwe his woe the uWu wength *sighs* and b-bweadth of minye, +And w-wet it answew ;;w;; evewy s-stwain *screams* fow stwain, +As thus fow thus, and such a-a gwief f-fow s-such, +In evewy winyeament, bwanch, shape, and fowm. +If such a onye wiww smiwe a-and stwoke his beawd, +Bid sowwow wag, cwy 'hem' when h-he shouwd gwoan, +Patch gwief with pwovewbs, make m-misfowtunye dwunk +With *notices bulge* candwe-wastews--bwing him yet t-to me, +A-And I of *looks away* him *moans* wiww gathew patience. +But thewe x3 is nyo s-such man; f-fow, bwothew, men +Can counsew and speak comfowt to that gwief +W-Which they themsewves nyot feew; but, *sweats* tasting it, +Theiw counsew tuwns to passion, *screams* which befowe +Wouwd give pweceptiaw m-medicinye t-to wage, +Fettew stwong madnyess in a siwken thwead, +Chawm ache with aiw >w< and agony with wowds. +Nyo, nyo! 'Tis aww m-men's ^.^ office to speak patience +To those t-that wwing u-undew the woad of sowwow, +*moans* But nyo man's viwtue nyow *shuffles closer* sufficiency +To b-be so mowaw w-when he shaww enduwe +The wike himsewf. *moans* Thewefowe give me n-nyo counsew. +My gwiefs cwy w-woudew than advewtisement. +Ant. Thewein do men fwom chiwdwen nyothing diffew. +Weon. I pway thee peace. I wiww be fwesh and *leans over* bwood; +Fow thewe was nyevew yet phiwosophew +That couwd enduwe the t-toothache OwO patientwy, +Howevew they have ^w^ wwit the *cuddles you* stywe of gods +And made a push *giggles shyly* at chance and suffewance. +Ant. Yet bend nyot aww :3 the hawm upon youwsewf. +Make those *sweats* that do ^w^ offend you suffew too. +Weon. Thewe thou s-speak'st weason. Nyay, I wiww do so. +My souw doth teww me Hewo is *moans* bewied; +And that ^-^ shaww Cwaudio knyow; so *shuffles closer* shaww the Pwince, +And aww OwO of them that thus dishonyouw h-hew. + +Entew Don Pedwo and Cwaudio. + +Ant. Hewe *blushes* comes the Pwince and C-Cwaudio hastiwy. +Pedwo. Good den, ;;w;; Good den. +Cwaud. G-Good day to >w< both of you. +Weon. Heaw y-you, my wowds! +uWu Pedwo. We h-have some haste, Weonyato. +Weon. Some haste, my w-wowd! weww, fawe y-you weww, my wowd. +Awe you so hasty nyow? Weww, aww is :3 onye. +;;w;; Pedwo. Nyay, *looks away* do nyot quawwew *pokes you* with u-us, good owd man. +Ant. If he couwd wight himsewf *shuffles closer* with quawwewwing, +Some of us wouwd wie wow. +Cwaud. *twerks* Who wwongs him? +*screams* Weon. Mawwy, >_> thou dost w-wwong me, thou dissembwew, thou! +Nyay, nyevew way thy hand upon t-thy swowd; +I feaw thee n-nyot. +Cwaud. Mawy, beshwew my hand +If it s-shouwd give youw age s-such cause o-of feaw. +In faith, my hand meant nyothing to my swowd. +Weon. Tush, tush, man! xDD nyevew fweew and *sighs* jest at me +I speak nyot wike a dotawd nyow a-a foow, +As undew ^.^ pwiviwege o-of age to bwag +What I have donye b-being young, o-ow what wouwd do, +Wewe I nyot owd. Knyow, Cwaudio, to thy head, +^w^ Thou h-hast so wwong'd minye innyocent chiwd a-and me +That I-I am fowc'd to way my wevewence by +And, with gwey haiws and bwuise of many days, +Do chawwenge thee to twiaw *leans over* of a man. +I *giggles shyly* say thou hast bewied >w< minye i-innyocent chiwd; +Thy s-swandew hath >w< gonye thwough and thwough h-hew heawt, +And she wied buwied with hew ancestows- +O, in a-a tomb *notices bulge* whewe n-nyevew scandaw swept, +Save this of hews, fwam'd by t-thy viwwany! +Cwaud. My viwwany? +Weon. Thinye, Cwaudio; thinye I say. +Pedwo. You say nyot wight, :3 owd man +Weon. *twerks* My wowd, my wowd, +*pokes you* I'ww pwove i-it on his body if he dawe, +Despite his nyice f-fence and his active pwactice, +:3 His May of youth and *giggles shyly* bwoom of wustihood. +Cwaud. A-Away! I wiww nyot ;;w;; have to do with y-you. +Weon. Canst OwO thou *notices bulge* so daff me? Thou OwO hast kiww'd ^.^ my chiwd. +If thou kiww'st me, boy, thou shawt UwU kiww a man. +*sweats* And. He shaww kiww two of us, and men indeed +But that's nyo mattew; wet him kiww onye fiwst. +Win me a-and w-weaw me! Wet *cries* him answew me. +Come, xDD fowwow me, boy,. Come, siw boy, come fowwow m-me. +Siw b-boy, I-I'ww whip you fwom youw foinying *hugs tightly* fence! +Nyay, as I am a gentweman, I wiww. +Weon. Bwothew-- +Ant. C-Content *cuddles you* youwsewf. G-God knyows *hugs tightly* I wov'd my nyiece, +And she is dead, swandew'd t-to death by viwwains, +That dawe as weww answew a man indeed +As uWu I dawe take a ^.^ sewpent by the tongue. +Boys, apes, bwaggawts, jacks, miwksops! +Weon. :33 Bwothew Anthony-- +Ant. Howd you content. W-What, m-man! I-I knyow them, yea, +And what they weigh, even to the utmost scwupwe, +Scambwing, outfacing, fashion-monging boys, +That wie a-and cog and fwout, UwU depwave uWu and swandew, +Go anticwy, show o-outwawd hideousnyess, +And speak off hawf a d-dozen UwU dang'wous wowds, +How they *cuddles you* might huwt theiw enyemies, if they duwst; +And t-this uWu is aww. +W-Weon. But, bwothew Anthony-- +A-Ant. Come, 'tis nyo *cries* mattew. +Do nyot you meddwe; wet :3 me deaw in this. +Pedwo. Gentwemen both, we w-wiww >_< nyot w-wake youw *hugs tightly* patience. +My h-heawt i-is sowwy fow y-youw daughtew's death; +But, on my honyouw, she *sweats* was >_> chawg'd *cuddles you* with nyothing +But what was t-twue, *shuffles closer* and vewy :33 fuww *hugs tightly* of *cuddles you* pwoof. +Weon. My wowd, my wowd-- +Pedwo. I wiww nyot heaw *pokes you* you. +Weon. Nyo? Come, bwothew, away!--I w-wiww *twerks* be heawd. +Ant. And s-shaww, ow s-some of us *shuffles closer* wiww s-smawt fow *twerks* it. +*hugs tightly* Exeunt *moans* ambo. + +>w< Entew Benyedick. + +Pedwo. See, see! Hewe comes the man we went :3 to seek. +Cwaud. Nyow, signyiow, w-what nyews? +Benye. Good day, my wowd. +Pedwo. Wewcome, s-signyiow. You awe awmost come to pawt a-awmost a f-fway. +Cwaud. >w< We h-had wik'd to *looks away* have had *teleports behind you* ouw two nyoses snyapp'd off with t-two +^-^ owd men uWu without t-teeth. +Pedwo. Weonyato and his b-bwothew. W-What think'st t-thou? H-Had we fought, +^.^ I doubt we shouwd have b-been too young :3 fow them. +Benye. In >w< a *hugs tightly* fawse *moans* quawwew thewe is n-nyo *looks away* twue vawouw. xDD I x3 came t-to seek +you both. +Cwaud. We :33 have been up and down to seek thee; *twerks* fow we awe high-pwoof +mewanchowy, and wouwd fain *cries* have it beaten away. Wiwt t-thou use thy +wit? +Benye. It is in m-my scabbawd. *blushes* Shaww I dwaw i-it? +Pedwo. Dost thou weaw thy wit by thy side? +Cwaud. Nyevew any did so, though xDD vewy many have been *cuddles you* beside theiw +wit. I w-wiww bid thee dwaw, as we do the m-minstwew--dwaw *looks at you* to +pweasuwe us. +Pedwo. As I-I am an h-honyest man, h-he wooks pawe. Awt thou s-sick o-ow +angwy? +Cwaud. What, couwage, m-man! What though cawe kiww'd a cat, thou hast +mettwe e-enyough in *cries* thee to kiww cawe. +B-Benye. Siw, I ^.^ shaww *cries* meet youw wit in the *blushes* caweew an *looks away* you chawge it +against me. I *sweats* pway you >_< choose anyothew subject. +Cwaud. Nyay then, give him anyothew staff; this *looks at you* wast was bwoke cwoss. +^w^ Pedwo. B-By this wight, he *cuddles you* changes mowe and mowe. I think he b-be angwy +*shuffles closer* indeed. +Cwaud. If he be, he >_< knyows how to OwO tuwn *looks at you* his g-giwdwe. +Benye. Shaww I speak a wowd in y-youw eaw? +Cwaud. God *notices bulge* bwess me fwom a chawwenge! +B-Benye. [aside to C-Cwaudio] You a-awe a viwwain. I jest nyot; I wiww make +it good how you dawe, with what you dawe, and when y-you dawe. Do +me wight, ow I wiww pwotest y-youw cowawdice. You have kiww'd a +sweet wady, and hew death shaww faww h-heavy on you. Wet me heaw +*screams* fwom you. +Cwaud. Weww, I wiww meet you, so I may have good cheew. +P-Pedwo. What, a-a feast, a feast? +Cwaud. I' *cuddles you* faith, I thank him, he hath bid me to a-a *blushes* cawve's head *twerks* and +*looks at you* a OwO capon, t-the which if I do nyot cawve most cuwiouswy, say my +knyife's nyaught. S-Shaww I nyot find a woodcock too? +Benye. *moans* Siw, youw wit ambwes w-weww; it goes *shuffles closer* easiwy. +Pedwo. I'ww teww *screams* thee how Beatwice p-pwais'd thy *cuddles you* wit the othew *giggles shyly* day. I-I +said thou hadst a finye *pokes you* wit: '-'Twue,' said she, 'a finye wittwe +onye.' '-'Nyo,' *looks at you* said I, 'a gweat wit.' 'Wight,' xDD says she, 'a gweat +gwoss onye.' 'Nyay,' s-said I, '-'a *looks away* good wit.' 'Just,' said she, 'it +huwts nyobody.' 'Nyay,' said *hugs tightly* I, 'the gentweman i-is w-wise.' 'Cewtain,' +*screams* said xDD she, *twerks* a wise OwO gentweman.' 'Nyay,' said I, '-'he hath the +tongues.' 'That I bewieve' *looks away* said she, 'fow he swowe a t-thing OwO to me +on M-Monday *looks away* nyight which he fowswowe on Tuesday mownying. Thewe's a +doubwe tongue; ;;w;; thewe's two tongues.' Thus did she an houw +togethew *hugs tightly* twansshape thy pawticuwaw viwtues. x3 Yet at ^w^ wast >_< she +;;w;; concwuded with a sigh, thou wast the pwopew'st man in Itawy. +Cwaud. *looks at you* Fow the *blushes* which she wept heawtiwy and said s-she cawed nyot. +Pedwo. Yea, that she ^-^ did; but *teleports behind you* yet, fow aww *pokes you* that, an i-if she did *hugs tightly* nyot +h-hate him d-deadwy, she wouwd w-wove h-him deawwy. The owd man's +daughtew towd us aww. +Cwaud. Aww, *looks away* aww! and moweovew, God saw him when he was hid in *blushes* the +gawden. +Pedwo. But when shaww we set *notices bulge* the >_< savage *twerks* buww's howns on the +sensibwe B-Benyedick's head? +Cwaud. Yea, and ^w^ text undewnyeath, 'Hewe dwewws *giggles shyly* Benyedick, the m-mawwied +:3 man'? +Benye. Fawe you weww, boy; you knyow m-my *cuddles you* mind. I wiww weave you nyow to +youw gossipwike humouw. Y-You bweak jests as bwaggawds *pokes you* do *hugs tightly* theiw +bwades, which God be thanked huwt nyot. My wowd, fow youw m-many +couwtesies I thank you. *pokes you* I must discontinyue youw company. Youw +bwothew the bastawd is fwed fwom Messinya. You have among *cries* you +k-kiww'd a *moans* sweet and xDD innyocent wady. Fow my Wowd Wackbeawd thewe, h-he +and I shaww meet; and t-tiww *blushes* then peace *twerks* be with him. +[Exit.] +Pedwo. He *hugs tightly* is in eawnyest. +Cwaud. In *notices bulge* most *teleports behind you* pwofound *looks away* eawnyest; and, I'ww wawwant *looks away* you, fow the +>_< wove of Beatwice. +Pedwo. A-And *sighs* hath chawweng'd uWu thee. +Cwaud. Most sincewewy. +Pedwo. What a pwetty ;;w;; thing man is when he goes in his doubwet and +hose and weaves off his wit! + +Entew *teleports behind you* Constabwes [Dogbewwy and ^-^ Vewges, with the Watch, weading] +Conwade and :3 Bowachio. + +C-Cwaud. UwU He is then a giant to an a-ape; but then is an ape a doctow *hugs tightly* to +;;w;; such a m-man. +P-Pedwo. But, soft you, wet me be! Pwuck up, my heawt, and be *hugs tightly* sad! +*sweats* Did he nyot say >_< my bwothew >_< was *sweats* fwed? +xDD Dog. Come *moans* you, siw. If justice cannyot >w< tame you, she shaww n-nye'ew +weigh mowe *blushes* weasons ;;w;; in hew bawance. Nyay, >_> an you be a cuwsing +*cries* hypocwite once, you must *shuffles closer* be wook'd to. +Pedwo. H-How nyow? *cries* two of my *blushes* bwothew's m-men bound? Bowachio o-onye. +C-Cwaud. Heawken aftew theiw offence, *teleports behind you* my *cuddles you* wowd. +*screams* Pedwo. Officews, what o-offence have these men donye? +D-Dog. Mawwy, siw, t-they have committed fawse uWu wepowt; moweovew, they +have :3 spoken untwuths; secondawiwy, they a-awe swandews; sixth and +wastwy, they have bewied a-a ^-^ wady; thiwdwy, they have vewified +unjust things; and to c-concwude, they awe wying knyaves. +Pedwo. Fiwst, I ask >_< thee what they *pokes you* have donye; thiwdwy, I ask t-thee +w-what's theiw offence; sixth and wastwy, why they awe c-committed; +:3 and to concwude, what you w-way to *cuddles you* theiw chawge. +Cwaud. Wightwy weasonyed, and *leans over* in his own *pokes you* division; and by my twoth +thewe's >w< onye m-meanying weww suited. +uWu Pedwo. W-Who *sighs* have you offended, mastews, that you awe thus b-bound to +*teleports behind you* youw answew? This x3 weawnyed constabwe is t-too cunnying to be +undewstood. What's youw offence? +Bowa. Sweet Pwince, w-wet *notices bulge* me :3 go n-nyo fawthew to minye answew. Do you +heaw m-me, and wet this uWu Count kiww *twerks* me. I h-have :3 deceived even youw +vewy xDD eyes. What x3 youw wisdoms couwd nyot discovew, these shawwow +foows h-have bwought to wight, who in *moans* the n-nyight ovewheawd me +c-confessing t-to this man, h-how Don John *giggles shyly* youw bwothew i-incensed me to +swandew t-the >_< Wady Hewo; how you wewe bwought into the owchawd a-and +saw me couwt Mawgawet i-in H-Hewo's gawments; *sighs* how you disgwac'd hew +when you *screams* shouwd mawwy hew. My viwwany they have upon wecowd, +which I had w-wathew seaw with my death :3 than w-wepeat ovew ^-^ to my +shame. The wady is dead upon minye and my m-mastew's fawse +accusation; and b-bwiefwy, I desiwe *blushes* nyothing but the w-wewawd o-of a +*sweats* viwwain. +OwO Pedwo. Wuns n-nyot this speech wike iwon thwough youw bwood? +Cwaud. I h-have dwunk poison whiwes h-he uttew'd i-it. +Pedwo. But did my bwothew set ;;w;; thee o-on *leans over* to *teleports behind you* this? +B-Bowa. Yea, and paid xDD me :33 wichwy fow the *sweats* pwactice of it. +Pedwo. He i-is compos'd and fwam'd >_> of tweachewy, +A-And fwed he is u-upon this v-viwwany. +C-Cwaud. Sweet Hewo, nyow thy image d-doth appeaw +In the wawe sembwance that I wov'd it f-fiwst. +D-Dog. Come, bwing a-away the pwaintiffs. By *hugs tightly* this time o-ouw sexton hath +w-wefowmed S-Signyiow Weonyato of ^.^ the mattew. And, *looks at you* mastews, do nyot +fowget t-to s-specify, when time and *blushes* pwace shaww *cuddles you* sewve, that I a-am an +ass. +V-Vewg. Hewe, hewe comes Mastew Signyiow Weonyato, and the sexton too. + +Entew Weonyato, his *blushes* bwothew [Antonyio], ^-^ and the Sexton. + +*moans* Weon. Which is the viwwain? Wet me see his eyes, +T-That, when I n-nyote anyothew *blushes* man *giggles shyly* wike him, +*leans over* I may a-avoid him. Which of these is *cries* he? +Bowa. If you *hugs tightly* wouwd knyow youw wwongew, wook on m-me. +Weon. Awt thou the swave that *twerks* with ;;w;; thy bweath h-hast kiww'd +Minye innyocent *giggles shyly* chiwd? +Bowa. Yea, even I awonye. +Weon. N-Nyo, nyot so, viwwain! thou bewiest thysewf. +Hewe stand a-a paiw of honyouwabwe men-- +A-A UwU thiwd is fwed--that had a h-hand i-in i-it. +I thank you pwinces fow my daughtew's death. +Wecowd it with youw high and wowthy deeds. +'Twas bwavewy *notices bulge* donye, *cries* if you bethink you of i-it. +Cwaud. I k-knyow nyot how to pway youw >_> patience; +Yet I m-must >w< speak. Choose y-youw wevenge youwsewf; +Impose me t-to w-what penyance youw invention +Can way upon *looks at you* my s-sin. Yet sinn'd I nyot +B-But in mistaking. +>_< Pedwo. *looks at you* By *hugs tightly* my souw, nyow I-I! +And yet, to satisfy this good owd man, +I wouwd bend u-undew a-any heavy weight +That he'ww enjoin m-me to. +Weon. I ^w^ cannyot bid you bid x3 my daughtew wive- +That wewe impossibwe; but x3 I *cuddles you* pway you both, +*notices bulge* Possess *twerks* the *moans* peopwe in *giggles shyly* Messinya hewe +How innyocent she died; and if youw wove +Can wabouw aught in sad x3 invention, +Hang hew an epitaph upon hew tomb, +And :3 sing it to hew bonyes--sing it to-nyight. +To-mowwow mownying come you to my house, +And since you couwd *cuddles you* nyot be my son-in-waw, +Be yet my nyephew. My bwothew hath a daughtew, +Awmost the copy of my chiwd that's dead, +And she awonye >_> is h-heiw to both of us. +Give hew the wight y-you shouwd have giv'n >w< hew cousin, +*giggles shyly* And so dies my wevenge. +Cwaud. O-O n-nyobwe siw! +Youw ovew-kindnyess doth *sighs* wwing t-teaws f-fwom me. +I :33 do e-embwace youw offew; and dispose +Fow hencefowth of ^-^ poow Cwaudio. +Weon. T-To-mowwow then I *looks at you* wiww expect youw c-coming; +To-nyight I ^w^ take my *cries* weave. This nyaughty man +Shaww fact t-to face be bwought to Mawgawet, +Who I bewieve was pack'd in a-aww this wwong, +Hiw'd >_> to it by youw bwothew. +Bowa. x3 Nyo, by m-my *shuffles closer* souw, she w-was nyot; +Nyow *shuffles closer* knyew nyot what she did when *cries* she spoke to me; +But awways hath been just and viwtuous +I-In anything that I d-do knyow ;;w;; by hew. +Dog. Moweovew, siw, *screams* which indeed is nyot u-undew *twerks* white *looks away* and bwack, this +pwaintiff hewe, *cuddles you* the offendew, d-did *cries* caww me ass. I beseech you w-wet +it be *moans* wememb'wed i-in >_< his punyishment. And awso the w-watch heawd them +t-tawk of *pokes you* onye Defowmed. They say he weaws a *shuffles closer* key in his e-eaw, a-and *looks at you* a +wock hanging by it, uWu and bowwows monyey in God's nyame, the which he +hath us'd so wong and nyevew paid that n-nyow *pokes you* men gwow hawd-heawted +and wiww w-wend *looks at you* nyothing fow God's sake. Pway you examinye him upon +that point. +Weon. *cuddles you* I t-thank thee fow *leans over* thy cawe and honyest pains. +Dog. Youw *looks at you* wowship speaks w-wike a ^.^ most thankfuw a-and *giggles shyly* wevewent youth, +and I pwaise God fow *moans* you. +Weon. Thewe's fow thy pains. [Gives monyey.] +Dog. God save the foundation! +Weon. Go, I dischawge thee of thy pwisonyew, UwU and I thank thee. +Dog. I weave an awwant knyave with youw wowship, which I beseech +youw wowship to cowwect youwsewf, fow t-the e-exampwe o-of xDD othews. +God keep youw wowship! I wish youw wowship weww. God westowe you +to heawth! I humbwy give you weave to *sighs* depawt; and if a mewwy +*giggles shyly* meeting *screams* may be wish'd, God xDD pwohibit it! Come, uWu nyeighbouw. +Exeunt [-[Dogbewwy *looks at you* and Vewges]. +Weon. *moans* Untiw to-mowwow mownying, wowds, faweweww. +Ant. Faweweww, my wowds. We >w< wook f-fow you xDD to-mowwow. +Pedwo. We wiww nyot faww. +Cwaud. T-To-nyight I'ww mouwn with Hewo. +[-[Exeunt Don Pedwo and Cwaudio.] +Weon. [to the W-Watch] Bwing you these *cuddles you* fewwows o-on.--We'ww tawk with +>_< Mawgawet, +How hew *screams* acquaintance gwew :33 with this wewd fewwow. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +Weonyato's *looks away* owchawd. + +*twerks* Entew Benyedick and Mawgawet [meeting]. + +Benye. Pway thee, sweet M-Mistwess Mawgawet, UwU desewve weww a-at my hands +by h-hewping me to OwO the s-speech *sighs* of Beatwice. +Mawg. Wiww you then UwU wwite me a sonnyet *moans* in pwaise of my beauty? +Benye. In ^-^ so h-high a s-stywe, Mawgawet, that nyo man :3 wiving shaww come +ovew it; fow in most comewy t-twuth *notices bulge* thou desewvest i-it. +Mawg. To have :33 nyo man come o-ovew m-me? Why, shaww I awways keep bewow +staiws? +Benye. T-Thy w-wit i-is as quick as the g-gweyhound's mouth--it *pokes you* catches. +Mawg. And youws as bwunt as the f-fencew's foiws, which h-hit b-but huwt +nyot. +Benye. A most manwy w-wit, Mawgawet: it wiww nyot huwt a *sighs* woman. +A-And so I pway thee *pokes you* caww Beatwice. I give *hugs tightly* thee the x3 buckwews. +Mawg. Give us the swowds; w-we have *looks away* buckwews of ouw own. +Benye. If you :33 use them, Mawgawet, you must put in *looks at you* the pikes *sighs* with a +vice, and t-they awe dangewous weapons fow maids. +Mawg. Weww, *looks at you* I wiww c-caww Beatwice to you, who I *cries* think hath wegs. +Benye. And thewefowe wiww *moans* come. +Exit Mawgawet. +[Sings] The god :33 of wove, +That :33 sits ^w^ above +And knyows me, and knyows me, +*pokes you* How UwU pitifuw I desewve-- + +I mean in singing; but >w< in woving >w< Weandew the >_< good swimmew, +Twoiwus x3 the *looks away* fiwst empwoyew of pandews, and a *pokes you* whowe book fuww *blushes* of +:33 these quondam cawpet-mongews, whose nyames ;;w;; yet wun s-smoothwy in the +even woad of a b-bwank vewse--why, they wewe nyevew so t-twuwy tuwn'd +ovew *looks away* and ovew *screams* as m-my poow sewf *giggles shyly* in wove. Mawwy, *notices bulge* I cannyot show ^w^ it i-in +whyme. I *twerks* have t-twied. I-I can find out nyo whyme to 'wady' but 'baby' +--an innyocent w-whyme; fow *sweats* 'scown,' '-'hown'--a hawd whyme; fow +'-'schoow', 'foow'--a babbwing whyme: vewy ominyous e-endings! Nyo, I +was nyot *sighs* bown undew a whyming >_< pwanyet, nyow cannyot w-woo in festivaw +tewms. + +Entew Beatwice. + +Sweet Beatwice, wouwdst thou x3 come when I caww'd UwU thee? +Beat. Yea, ;;w;; signyiow, and depawt when you bid me. +*notices bulge* Benye. O, :33 stay but tiww then! +Beat. x3 'Then' is spoken. Fawe you :33 weww nyow. And yet, ewe I go, wet +me go with that I >_< came fow, which *looks away* is, with knyowing what h-hath +pass'd between you and Cwaudio. +B-Benye. Onwy >_> fouw wowds; a-and OwO theweupon I-I wiww kiss t-thee. +Beat. Fouw wowds is but fouw wind, and fouw wind is but fouw +bweath, and fouw bweath is >_> nyoisome. Thewefowe I w-wiww depawt +unkiss'd. +*looks at you* Benye. Thou hast f-fwighted the wowd out of his wight sense, so +fowcibwe i-is thy wit. But I must ^-^ teww thee pwainwy, Cwaudio +undewgoes *screams* my chawwenge; and eithew I must *hugs tightly* showtwy heaw fwom him +ow I w-wiww subscwibe h-him a cowawd. A-And I pway thee :3 nyow teww me, +*teleports behind you* fow which of my bad pawts *leans over* didst thou fiwst faww in wove with me? +Beat. Fow OwO them aww togethew, >w< which *sweats* maintain'd so powitic a state of +eviw that t-they wiww nyot admit any good pawt t-to intewmingwe with +t-them. But fow which of my good pawts did you fiwst suffew wove +*pokes you* fow me? +Benye. Suffew wove!--a good >w< epithet. I d-do *shuffles closer* suffew wove indeed, fow I +*looks away* wove thee against x3 my wiww. +B-Beat. In spite of youw heawt, I think. Awas, p-poow heawt! If >w< you +spite it fow ^.^ my sake, I w-wiww spite it fow y-youws, fow uWu I wiww nyevew +wove that which *hugs tightly* my fwiend h-hates. +>_< Benye. *giggles shyly* Thou and I awe too w-wise to woo p-peaceabwy. +Beat. I-It appeaws >w< nyot in t-this *cuddles you* confession. Thewe's nyot onye wise man +among twenty, that w-wiww pwaise *cuddles you* himsewf. +Benye. An owd, an owd instance, Beatwice, that wiv'd in the time of +good nyeighbouws. If a man do ;;w;; nyot e-ewect in this age his own *moans* tomb +ewe he dies, *shuffles closer* he shaww wive ^w^ nyo wongew in monyument t-than the beww +wings and the widow weeps. +Beat. And how wong is that, think y-you? +Benye. *leans over* Question: why, OwO an houw in cwamouw and a quawtew in wheum. +Thewefowe x3 is it most expedient fow the UwU wise, if Don Wowm (his +conscience) find *looks away* nyo impediment to the contwawy, uWu to be the twumpet +of his own viwtues, as I uWu am *moans* to >_< mysewf. So *shuffles closer* much fow pwaising +mysewf, *teleports behind you* who, I mysewf wiww *pokes you* beaw witnyess, is pwaisewowthy. And nyow +teww me, *hugs tightly* how doth y-youw cousin? +Beat. Vewy iww. +Benye. And *cuddles you* how do you? +Beat. Vewy iww too. +Benye. Sewve God, wove me, ^.^ and mend. Thewe w-wiww I weave y-you too, fow +hewe comes onye in haste. + +Entew U-Uwsuwa. + +Uws. Madam, you must come to youw uncwe. Yondew's owd coiw *notices bulge* at home. +It is pwoved *notices bulge* my Wady Hewo hath been fawsewy xDD accus'd, the Pwince +and Cwaudio m-mightiwy abus'd, and Don J-John is the authow o-of *screams* aww, +w-who is fwed and UwU gonye. W-Wiww y-you come pwesentwy? +>_< Beat. Wiww you g-go heaw this nyews, signyiow? +Benye. I wiww wive in thy heawt, *shuffles closer* die in thy wap, *giggles shyly* and be *giggles shyly* buwied t-thy +*leans over* eyes; and moweovew, I-I wiww *sighs* go with thee to thy uncwe's. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye *hugs tightly* III. +A chuwchyawd. + +*teleports behind you* Entew Cwaudio, D-Don P-Pedwo, and thwee ow fouw with tapews, +[-[fowwowed by Musicians]. + +Cwaud. Is this the m-monyument *teleports behind you* of Weonyato? +Wowd. I-It is, m-my wowd. +Cwaud. [weads fwom a scwoww] + +Epitaph. + +Donye to death by swandewous tongues +Was the Hewo that hewe *blushes* wies. +uWu Death, >_> in guewdon of hew w-wwongs, +Gives hew fame which nyevew d-dies. +So the wife that died with shame +*giggles shyly* Wives in death with gwowious fame. + +^-^ Hang thou thewe upon the t-tomb, +[Hangs up the scwoww.] +*twerks* Pwaising hew when I am d-dumb. +>w< Nyow, *twerks* music, sound, and sing youw s-sowemn hymn. + +Song. + +Pawdon, goddess of the nyight, +Those t-that swew thy v-viwgin knyight; +Fow *looks away* the which, with songs o-of woe, +Wound about hew tomb t-they go. +Midnyight, assist ouw moan, +H-Hewp us to *giggles shyly* sigh and gwoan +*moans* Heaviwy, heaviwy, +Gwaves, yawn and y-yiewd youw d-dead, +Tiww death be uttewed +:33 Heaviwy, heaviwy. + +Cwaud. Nyow unto thy bonyes good *screams* nyight! +*sweats* Yeawwy wiww I do this wite. +*cries* Pedwo. *pokes you* Good mowwow, mastews. Put *shuffles closer* youw t-towches out. +The *hugs tightly* wowves *twerks* have pwey'd, and wook, the gentwe d-day, +Befowe the wheews of Phoebus, *notices bulge* wound about +Dappwes the dwowsy east with spots of gwey. +Thanks to you aww, and weave us. Fawe y-you weww. +Cwaud. Good mowwow, mastews. Each *cries* his sevewaw way. +Pedwo. Come, ;;w;; wet us hence and p-put on othew weeds, +And then t-to Weonyato's we ^-^ wiww go. +C-Cwaud. And Hymen *cries* nyow with wuckiew issue speeds +Than this fow *blushes* whom we :3 wend'wed up this woe. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye IV +*cuddles you* The haww in W-Weonyato's house. + +*looks at you* Entew Weonyato, Benyedick, [Beatwice,] *moans* Mawgawet, Uwsuwa, uWu Antonyio, +Fwiaw [-[Fwancis], Hewo. + +F-Fwiaw. Did I n-nyot teww you she was innyocent? +Weon. So awe the Pwince and *cries* Cwaudio, who accus'd hew +U-Upon the ewwow that you heawd debated. +But Mawgawet was in some fauwt fow t-this, +*notices bulge* Awthough against *sighs* hew wiww, as it appeaws +In the twue couwse of aww the question. +*cries* Ant. Weww, I-I am gwad that aww things sowt so weww. +B-Benye. And so am I, *cries* being ewse by faith enfowc'd +To caww young Cwaudio to a weckonying xDD fow ^w^ it. +Weon. Weww, daughtew, and you gentwewomen aww, +Withdwaw *moans* into a chambew by youwsewves, +And when I send fow you, c-come hithew mask'd. +Exeunt Wadies. +UwU The *looks at you* Pwince and Cwaudio uWu pwomis'd xDD by this *blushes* houw +xDD To v-visit *leans over* me. You *notices bulge* knyow youw office, bwothew: +You must be ;;w;; fathew to youw bwothew's daughtew, +And *giggles shyly* give ^.^ hew to young Cwaudio. +Ant. W-Which ^-^ I wiww *cries* do with confiwm'd countenyance. +Benye. Fwiaw, *giggles shyly* I must entweat youw pains, I-I t-think. +*looks away* Fwiaw. To do what, signyiow? +Benye. ^.^ To *giggles shyly* bind me, ow u-undo m-me--onye of them. +S-Signyiow Weonyato, twuth it i-is, good signyiow, +*giggles shyly* Youw nyiece wegawds me w-with a-an ^-^ eye of favouw. +Weon. :33 That eye *moans* my daughtew went hew. 'Tis most xDD twue. +Benye. And I do with a-an eye of wove wequite hew. +W-Weon. The sight *hugs tightly* wheweof I :3 think you had f-fwom me, +Fwom Cwaudio, and the Pwince; b-but *shuffles closer* what's youw wiww? +Benye. Youw answew, siw, is enyigmaticaw; +B-But, fow my *shuffles closer* wiww, *cries* my wiww is, youw good wiww +May stand with ouws, this day to be c-conjoin'd +I-In the state of honyouwabwe mawwiage; +In which, good *hugs tightly* fwiaw, I shaww >w< desiwe youw hewp. +Weon. *giggles shyly* My heawt is ^w^ with youw wiking. +F-Fwiaw. And my hewp. + +Entew Don Pedwo >w< and Cwaudio *shuffles closer* and *cuddles you* two ow thwee othew. + +*sighs* Hewe comes the Pwince *looks at you* and C-Cwaudio. +Pedwo. Good mowwow to t-this faiw assembwy. +Weon. G-Good *hugs tightly* mowwow, P-Pwince; good ^-^ mowwow, Cwaudio. +We hewe attend you. Awe you yet x3 detewmin'd +To-day t-to mawwy with my *shuffles closer* bwothew's daughtew? +Cwaud. I'ww howd my mind, wewe UwU she UwU an Ethiope. +Weon. Caww hew OwO fowth, bwothew. Hewe's the fwiaw weady. +>w< [Exit Antonyio.] +Pedwo. Good mowwow, *cuddles you* Benyedick. Why, what's t-the mattew +*moans* That y-you have such ;;w;; a *shuffles closer* Febwuawy face, +So fuww of ^-^ fwost, of stowm, and :33 cwoudinyess? +Cwaud. I think he thinks upon the savage buww. +Tush, feaw nyot, man! ^-^ We'ww tip thy howns with gowd, +*moans* And a-aww Euwopa s-shaww wejoice at thee, +As once Euwopa did a-at wusty Jove +When *twerks* he wouwd pway the *shuffles closer* nyobwe beast in wove. +B-Benye. Buww Jove, *blushes* siw, had an a-amiabwe wow, +And s-some ;;w;; such stwange buww weap'd youw *cries* fathew's cow +And *pokes you* got a *looks at you* cawf in that same nyobwe feat +Much wike to you, fow you h-have just his bweat. + +E-Entew [Weonyato's] bwothew [Antonyio], Hewo, Beatwice, +>w< Mawgawet, Uwsuwa, [the w-wadies weawing *cries* masks]. + +Cwaud. ^w^ Fow this I owe *moans* you. Hewe comes othew weckonyings. +Which is the w-wady I must seize upon? +*pokes you* Ant. This same is she, and I do ^.^ give y-you hew. +Cwaud. Why then, she's minye. *sweats* Sweet, wet me ;;w;; see youw face. +Weon. Nyo, that y-you shaww nyot tiww you take *looks away* hew hand +Befowe this *hugs tightly* fwiaw and sweaw to mawwy hew. +Cwaud. Give m-me youw hand befowe t-this h-howy fwiaw. +I am youw husband if *blushes* you wike of me. +Hewo. And when I wiv'd *shuffles closer* I was youw othew wife; [Unmasks.] +>_< And when you w-wov'd you wewe my othew husband. +Cwaud. A-Anyothew Hewo! +Hewo. N-Nyothing cewtainyew. +Onye Hewo d-died d-defiw'd; but I do wive, +And ^.^ suwewy as I-I wive, I am a maid. +Pedwo. The fowmew Hewo! ^-^ Hewo that *giggles shyly* is dead! +W-Weon. She died, my wowd, b-but w-whiwes hew *teleports behind you* swandew wiv'd. +>w< Fwiaw. Aww this amazement can I q-quawify, +When, aftew that the howy wites awe ended, +I'ww teww you *looks at you* wawgewy of faiw Hewo's death. +Meantime wet wondew seem f-famiwiaw, +And to the c-chapew UwU wet *sweats* us pwesentwy. +Benye. S-Soft and faiw, fwiaw. Which is Beatwice? +Beat. [unmasks] I answew to that n-nyame. What is youw *screams* wiww? +Benye. Do nyot *twerks* you wove me? +Beat. Why, *blushes* nyo; nyo mowe than weason. +Benye. Why, then youw *screams* uncwe, and *sweats* the Pwince, and Cwaudio +Have been deceived; *shuffles closer* fow they swowe you did. +Beat. Do nyot you wove me? +B-Benye. *moans* Twoth, nyo; n-nyo m-mowe *giggles shyly* than w-weason. +B-Beat. Why, t-then my cousin, M-Mawgawet, *teleports behind you* and Uwsuwa +Awe much deceiv'd; fow they uWu did sweaw y-you did. +Benye. They s-swowe that ;;w;; you *twerks* wewe awmost sick fow me. +:33 Beat. xDD They >w< swowe that ^-^ you wewe w-weww-nyigh dead fow me. +B-Benye. 'Tis *blushes* nyo ^w^ such mattew. Then *screams* you d-do nyot wove me? +Beat. Nyo, twuwy, b-but in fwiendwy wecompense. +W-Weon. Come, cousin, I am suwe you wove the g-gentweman. +Cwaud. And *sweats* I'ww b-be *sighs* swown upon't that h-he >_< woves h-hew; +*giggles shyly* Fow hewe's a papew wwitten in his hand, +A h-hawting s-sonnyet of h-his *sighs* own p-puwe ^-^ bwain, +*pokes you* Fashion'd to Beatwice. +Hewo. And h-hewe's anyothew, +*leans over* Wwit in x3 my cousin's hand, stow'n fwom *blushes* hew pocket, +C-Containying hew affection ^w^ unto Benyedick. +Benye. >_> A miwacwe! Hewe's ouw own hands against ouw heawts. +Come, I wiww have *blushes* thee; xDD but, by this wight, *leans over* I take thee f-fow pity. +Beat. I-I wouwd n-nyot deny you; but, by this g-good day, *giggles shyly* I y-yiewd upon +gweat pewsuasion, and pawtwy *sighs* to save youw wife, fow I was towd +you wewe i-in a consumption. +*blushes* Benye. Peace! I w-wiww ^w^ stop youw mouth. [Kisses hew.] +Beat. I'ww teww thee what, Pwince: a cowwege of wit-cwackews cannyot +fwout me out of my h-humouw. Dost thou think I cawe fow a uWu satiwe ow +an epigwam? Nyo. If a man wiww be beaten with bwains, 'a shaww +weaw nyothing handsome about *notices bulge* him. In bwief, since I d-do p-puwpose t-to +mawwy, I-I wiww think nyothing t-to any *moans* puwpose that the wowwd can say +against it; and thewefowe nyevew *teleports behind you* fwout at me f-fow what I have said +against it; ^.^ fow man is a giddy *moans* thing, OwO and this is my *screams* concwusion. +*cries* Fow thy pawt, Cwaudio, I-I did think to have >_< beaten thee; but in +that thou awt wike to be my kinsman, wive unbwuis'd, a-and wove my +cousin. +Cwaud. I had weww hop'd thou wouwdst have denyied ;;w;; Beatwice, that xDD I +might have cudgeww'd thee out of thy singwe *looks away* wife, to make thee *blushes* a +*looks at you* doubwe-deawew, which out of q-question thou wiwt be *moans* if my c-cousin do +nyot wook exceeding nyawwowwy to thee. +Benye. C-Come, come, uWu we awe fwiends. Wet's have a dance *screams* ewe we a-awe +*hugs tightly* mawwied, that we may wighten *pokes you* ouw *shuffles closer* own heawts and ouw wives' *sweats* heews. +Weon. We'ww have dancing aftewwawd. +Benye. Fiwst, of my wowd! uWu Thewefowe p-pway, *notices bulge* music. P-Pwince, thou awt +sad. *giggles shyly* Get thee a >_> wife, g-get thee ^w^ a wife! Thewe is nyo staff *twerks* mowe +wevewent *blushes* than onye tipp'd with hown. + +Entew M-Messengew. + +Mess. My wowd, youw bwothew John *sighs* is ta'en in fwight, +And bwought with awmed men back to Messinya. +Benye. T-Think nyot on him tiww to-mowwow. I'ww *moans* devise >_> thee bwave +p-punyishments fow UwU him. *giggles shyly* Stwike up, pipews! +Dance. [Exeunt.] + + +THE END + + + +<> + + + + + +1605 + + +THE TWAGEDY *blushes* OF OTHEWWO, MOOW OF VENyICE + +by *looks away* Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +OTHEWWO, the Moow, genyewaw of the *twerks* Venyetian fowces +DESDEMONyA, h-his wife +IAGO, ensign t-to *screams* Othewwo +EMIWIA, his *looks at you* wife, wady-in-waiting to Desdemonya +CASSIO, wieutenyant to *screams* Othewwo +THE DUKE OF VENyICE +BWABANTIO, >_> Venyetian S-Senyatow, fathew of Desdemonya +GWATIANyO, nyobweman of V-Venyice, :3 bwothew of *shuffles closer* Bwabantio +WODOVICO, n-nyobweman of Venyice, kinsman of Bwabantio +WODEWIGO, wejected s-suitow o-of Desdemonya +xDD BIANCA, mistwess of Cassio +MONTANyO, a Cypwiot officiaw +A Cwown in sewvice to Othewwo +Senyatows, Saiwows, M-Messengews, O-Officews, Gentwemen, *sighs* Musicians, and +Attendants + + + + +uWu <w< VEWSION OF >_> THE >_> COMPWETE WOWKS OF WIWWIAM +SHAKESPEAWE I-IS COPYWIGHT 1-1990-1993 BY W-WOWWD WIBWAWY, I-INC., A-AND IS +^w^ PWOVIDED *sweats* BY PWOJECT GUTENBEWG >w< ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH P-PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY B-BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES x3 (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. *hugs tightly* PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION ^w^ INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT *moans* CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME O-OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: ^-^ Venyice and Cypwus + +ACT I. SCENyE I-I. +Venyice. A stweet. + +Entew Wodewigo a-and Iago. + +*giggles shyly* WODEWIGO. Tush, nyevew teww me! I xDD take it much unkindwy +That thou, Iago, who hast had my puwse +As xDD if the stwings wewe thinye, shouwdst knyow of this. +*looks away* IAGO. 'Sbwood, but y-you wiww nyot heaw me. +If e-evew I did dweam of such a mattew, +Abhow m-me. +WODEWIGO. Thou towd'st me thou *teleports behind you* didst *screams* howd him i-in thy hate. +IAGO. Despise me, if I do nyot. Thwee gweat o-onyes of the city, +In pewsonyaw suit t-to make me his wieutenyant, +^.^ Off-capp'd to him; and, by the faith of man, +I knyow my pwice, I am wowth nyo wowse a p-pwace. +B-But he, as *looks away* woving his own pwide >_< and puwposes, +E-Evades them, with a bumbast ciwcumstance +Howwibwy stuff'd with epithets of w-waw, +And, in *giggles shyly* concwusion, +Nyonsuits my *moans* mediatows; fow, "Cewtes," says he, +"-"I have awweady chose my officew." +And what was he? +Fowsooth, a OwO gweat awithmetician, +Onye Michaew Cassio, a-a Fwowentinye +(A f-fewwow a-awmost d-damn'd i-in a faiw wife) +*notices bulge* That nyevew set a-a squadwon xDD in the fiewd, +*shuffles closer* Nyow the division of a battwe knyows +Mowe *hugs tightly* than a spinstew; unwess the bookish *leans over* theowic, +Whewein the toged *blushes* consuws can pwopose +As mastewwy a-as he. M-Mewe pwattwe without pwactice +:33 Is a-aww his s-sowdiewship. But he, siw, *looks away* had the ewection; +xDD And uWu I, of whom *looks away* his eyes had seen the *looks away* pwoof +At Whodes, at Cypwus, and >w< on othew gwounds +Chwistian and heathen, m-must be bewee'd and cawm'd +By debitow *looks at you* and cweditow. This countew-castew, +He, in *pokes you* good time, must h-his wieutenyant be, +*moans* And I- *screams* God bwess the mawk!- his Moowship's ancient. +*cries* WODEWIGO. By heaven, I wathew wouwd have been his hangman. +IAGO. Why, thewe's nyo wemedy. 'Tis the cuwse of sewvice, +Pwefewment goes by w-wettew and affection, +And nyot by owd g-gwadation, w-whewe each s-second +S-Stood heiw *cuddles you* to the fiwst. Nyow, siw, b-be j-judge youwsewf +Whethew I *moans* in any just tewm am affinyed +To wove the *giggles shyly* Moow. +*looks away* WODEWIGO. I-I xDD wouwd nyot fowwow him t-then. +IAGO. O, siw, c-content you. +I fowwow him ;;w;; to sewve my tuwn upon him: +*twerks* We *sighs* cannyot :3 aww be mastews, >w< nyow aww mastews +*cuddles you* Cannyot be twuwy fowwow'd. You >_< shaww mawk +M-Many a OwO duteous a-and knyee-cwooking knyave, +That ^.^ doting o-on his own obsequious bondage +*sighs* Weaws out his time, *cuddles you* much *sweats* wike h-his mastew's ass, +Fow nyought but pwovendew, and when he's owd, cashiew'd. +Whip me s-such honyest knyaves. *looks away* Othews thewe awe +*cries* Who, twimm'd i-in fowms a-and v-visages of duty, +Keep yet theiw heawts attending on t-themsewves, +And thwowing but shows of sewvice on theiw wowds +Do weww *sighs* thwive b-by them; and when they have w-winyed t-theiw coats +Do themsewves homage. These fewwows have some uWu souw, +And such a onye do I pwofess mysewf. +Fow, siw, +It is as s-suwe as you awe Wodewigo, +Wewe I the M-Moow, I w-wouwd nyot be Iago. +In f-fowwowing him, I fowwow but mysewf; +Heaven is my judge, nyot I-I fow wove and d-duty, +But seeming s-so, fow m-my p-pecuwiaw end. +Fow when my *cries* outwawd action doth demonstwate +T-The nyative a-act and f-figuwe of my heawt +In compwement extewn, '-'tis *twerks* nyot wong aftew +But I wiww weaw my heawt upon my sweeve +Fow daws to peck at: I am nyot what *blushes* I am. +WODEWIGO. >_< What a fuww fowtunye does >w< the thick-wips owe, +*moans* If he *giggles shyly* can cawwy't thus! +I-IAGO. *shuffles closer* Caww up hew ;;w;; fathew, +Wouse him, make aftew him, poison his dewight, +Pwocwaim UwU him in *looks away* the stweets, i-incense hew *twerks* kinsmen, +And, though he in *teleports behind you* a fewtiwe cwimate d-dweww, +Pwague h-him with fwies. >w< Though *shuffles closer* that his joy be joy, +Yet thwow such changes of *shuffles closer* vexation on't +As it may wose some cowow. +*cuddles you* WODEWIGO. *blushes* Hewe is hew f-fathew's *blushes* house; I'ww caww a-awoud. +*notices bulge* IAGO. Do, with *leans over* wike timowous accent *twerks* and diwe yeww +As when, xDD by nyight and ^w^ nyegwigence, *giggles shyly* the *looks away* fiwe +Is spied in popuwous cities. +WODEWIGO. What, ho, Bwabantio! Signyiow Bwabantio, ho! +IAGO. >w< Awake! What, ho, Bwabantio! Thieves! Thieves! *moans* Thieves! +*cries* Wook to youw h-house, youw daughtew, a-and *looks at you* youw b-bags! +T-Thieves! Thieves! + +Bwabantio appeaws a-above, at a window. + +BWABANTIO. What i-is the weason of this tewwibwe *leans over* summons? +What is the mattew thewe? +WODEWIGO. Signyiow, is aww y-youw famiwy within? +IAGO. Awe youw doows wock'd? +BWABANTIO. Why? Whewefowe ask you this? +IAGO. 'Zounds, siw, you'we wobb'd! Fow shame, put on youw gown; +Youw heawt is buwst, you have *screams* wost hawf youw souw; +*twerks* Even nyow, nyow, vewy nyow, xDD an owd bwack wam +Is tupping *looks at you* youw white ewe. Awise, awise! +A-Awake the s-snyowting citizens with the beww, +Ow ewse the deviw wiww make a gwandsiwe o-of you. +Awise, OwO I OwO say! +B-BWABANTIO. What, h-have you wost y-youw wits? +W-WODEWIGO. Most wevewend signyiow, do you knyow my voice? +BWABANTIO. *cuddles you* Nyot I. What awe you? +WODEWIGO. My nyame is Wodewigo. +BWABANTIO. T-The wowsew wewcome. +I have chawged thee nyot to haunt about ;;w;; my x3 doows. +In h-honyest pwainnyess *notices bulge* thou hast heawd me say +My daughtew is *looks away* nyot fow thee; a-and nyow, in madnyess, +uWu Being fuww of suppew and distempewing dwaughts, +Upon mawicious bwavewy, dost thou come +To stawt m-my quiet. +WODEWIGO. Siw, siw, *leans over* siw- +BWABANTIO. But thou must nyeeds be xDD suwe +My spiwit and my pwace h-have in them p-powew +T-To make this bittew *hugs tightly* to >w< thee. +WODEWIGO. P-Patience, g-good siw. +BWABANTIO. What teww'st thou *notices bulge* me of wobbing? This is Venyice; +xDD My house i-is nyot a gwange. +WODEWIGO. *shuffles closer* Most *hugs tightly* gwave Bwabantio, +In simpwe and puwe souw I come to you. +IAGO. 'Zounds, siw, you awe onye of those that wiww nyot sewve God, +;;w;; if t-the deviw bid you. Because ;;w;; we come to do *sweats* you sewvice and you +think we awe wuffians, :33 you'ww h-have *pokes you* youw *sighs* daughtew covewed with a-a +Bawbawy howse; you'ww have youw nyephews nyeigh to you; y-you'ww have +couwsews fow cousins, and gennyets fow gewmans. +BWABANTIO. What *cuddles you* pwofanye wwetch awt thou? +IAGO. I am onye, siw, >_> that comes to teww *moans* you youw daughtew and *moans* the +Moow OwO awe nyow *cuddles you* making the beast w-with t-two backs. +BWABANTIO. Thou *notices bulge* awe a viwwain. +IAGO. You awe- a senyatow. +BWABANTIO. T-This thou shawt answew; I knyow thee, Wodewigo. +*sighs* WODEWIGO. Siw, I wiww answew anything. *sighs* But, *moans* I b-beseech you, +If't be y-youw pweasuwe and m-most wise consent, +As pawtwy I *teleports behind you* find it is, that youw faiw daughtew, +At this odd-even and duww watch o' the nyight, +Twanspowted with nyo wowse nyow bettew *cries* guawd +But >_< with a knyave of c-common hiwe, a gondowiew, +To the gwoss cwasps *sweats* of a wascivious Moow- +*teleports behind you* If this *sighs* be knyown to you, and youw awwowance, +We then have donye y-you b-bowd and saucy :3 wwongs; +But OwO if *moans* you knyow nyot this, my mannyews teww me +We have youw w-wwong webuke. Do nyot bewieve +*giggles shyly* That, fwom the sense *moans* of aww civiwity, +I thus *moans* wouwd *cuddles you* pway a-and twifwe with youw wevewence. +Youw daughtew, if you h-have nyot *notices bulge* given hew weave, +I say again, hath made a gwoss wevowt, +Tying hew duty, beauty, wit, and fowtunyes +*blushes* In *looks at you* an *sweats* extwavagant and wheewing stwangew +xDD Of hewe and evewywhewe. Stwaight satisfy youwsewf: +If :3 she be *teleports behind you* in hew chambew ow y-youw house, +Wet woose on me the justice of xDD the state +Fow thus dewuding *shuffles closer* you. +BWABANTIO. Stwike on the t-tindew, uWu ho! +Give me a tapew! Caww u-up a-aww my peopwe! +T-This accident is nyot ^.^ unwike my >_< dweam; +Bewief of ^-^ it *shuffles closer* oppwesses me *blushes* awweady. +Wight, I say, wight! *pokes you* Exit above. +IAGO. Faweweww, fow I-I must *sweats* weave you. +It seems nyot ^.^ meet, nyow whowesome to my pwace, +To be pwoduced- as, if I stay, I shaww- +Against >_> the Moow; fow I do knyow, t-the state, +Howevew t-this may gaww him *cries* with some check, +Cannyot with safety cast him, fow h-he's embawk'd +With such woud :3 weason to xDD the *moans* Cypwus waws, +Which even nyow s-stands in act, t-that, fow t-theiw souws, +A-Anyothew of his fathom they have nyonye +To wead theiw businyess; i-in which wegawd, +T-Though I-I do hate h-him *teleports behind you* as I do heww *looks away* pains, +Yet fow nyecessity of *cries* pwesent :3 wife, +I m-must show *pokes you* out a-a fwag and sign o-of *twerks* wove, +*shuffles closer* Which is indeed but sign. That you shaww suwewy find him, +Wead uWu to the Sagittawy t-the waised seawch, +And thewe wiww I be uWu with ^.^ him. So faweweww. Exit. + +Entew, bewow, Bwabantio, *teleports behind you* in h-his n-nyightgown, a-and +Sewvants with towches. + +BWABANTIO. It uWu is *blushes* too *cuddles you* twue :33 an e-eviw: gonye she i-is, +A-And what's to come of m-my despised t-time +Is nyought b-but bittewnyess. ^.^ Nyow, *shuffles closer* Wodewigo, +Whewe *cries* didst t-thou see hew? O unhappy giww! +*hugs tightly* With the *screams* Moow, say'st t-thou? Who wouwd be a fathew! +How didst t-thou knyow 'twas she? O, *looks at you* she *looks at you* deceives me +Past thought! What *looks at you* said s-she *teleports behind you* to you? G-Get mowe tapews. +Waise aww my kindwed. Awe they mawwied, think you? +WODEWIGO. Twuwy, I think *giggles shyly* they awe. +BWABANTIO. O heaven! How got she out? O tweason *leans over* of the bwood! +Fathews, fwom hence >_< twust nyot *giggles shyly* youw daughtews' minds +By x3 what you see them act. Is thewe xDD nyot chawms +By w-which t-the pwopewty of youth and maidhood +May *notices bulge* be abused? Have you :33 nyot wead, Wodewigo, +Of some ^.^ such thing? +WODEWIGO. Y-Yes, siw, I-I have indeed. +BWABANTIO. Caww up my bwothew. O, w-wouwd you had had ;;w;; hew! +Some onye way, :3 some anyothew. D-Do you knyow +OwO Whewe we may appwehend hew and the Moow? +W-WODEWIGO. I think I-I can discovew him, if you pwease +To get g-good guawd and go *cuddles you* awong with me. +:33 BWABANTIO. Pway you, wead on. At evewy h-house I'ww caww; +I may command at most. Get weapons, xDD ho! +And waise some x3 speciaw officews *sighs* of nyight. +On, good *sighs* Wodewigo, I'ww *cuddles you* desewve youw p-pains. Exeunt. + + + + +S-SCENyE II. +Anyothew *moans* stweet. + +Entew Othewwo, Iago, and Attendants with towches. + +I-IAGO. Though in t-the *leans over* twade o-of *leans over* waw I have swain men, +Yet d-do I-I howd *shuffles closer* it *sighs* vewy stuff o' the conscience +T-To do n-nyo contwived *twerks* muwthew. I wack i-inyiquity +Sometimes to do me sewvice. Nyinye ow ten t-times +*cries* I had thought to have yewk'd *looks away* him hewe undew the wibs. +OTHEWWO. 'Tis bettew as i-it is. +I-IAGO. Nyay, but *pokes you* he pwated +A-And spoke such scuwvy and pwovoking tewms +Against youw *looks away* honyow +*giggles shyly* That, with the wittwe godwinyess I have, +I did fuww hawd ^.^ fowbeaw him. But I p-pway you, siw, +Awe *sweats* you fast mawwied? Be a-assuwed of this, +That the *pokes you* magnyifico is *moans* much *notices bulge* bewoved, +And hath i-in his *twerks* effect a voice uWu potentiaw +As doubwe a-as the D-Duke's. He wiww divowce you, +Ow put upon :3 you *cuddles you* what westwaint and gwievance +T-The waw, with aww h-his might t-to enfowce it on, +Wiww give him cabwe. +OTHEWWO. Wet *shuffles closer* him do his spite. +My sewvices, which I h-have donye the signyiowy, +Shaww *giggles shyly* out-tongue his compwaints. 'Tis yet to *looks away* knyow- +Which, when :3 I knyow *cries* that b-boasting is an honyow, +I shaww pwomuwgate- I fetch my :3 wife *pokes you* and being +Fwom men of woyaw siege, and my demewits +May speak unbonnyeted to as pwoud a fowtunye +A-As this that I have weach'd. Fow knyow, I-Iago, +But t-that I wove the g-gentwe Desdemonya, +I wouwd nyot my unhoused fwee condition +*sighs* Put into ciwcumscwiption and confinye +F-Fow the sea's wowth. But, wook! W-What wights come yond? +IAGO. Those *sighs* awe the waised f-fathew and his fwiends. +You wewe best go in. +OTHEWWO. Nyot I; I must be f-found. +*cuddles you* My pawts, my titwe, and my pewfect souw +^.^ Shaww manyifest m-me wightwy. I-Is it t-they? +I-IAGO. By Janyus, I think nyo. + +Entew Cassio and cewtain Officews with towches. + +OTHEWWO. T-The sewvants of the Duke? And m-my wieutenyant? +;;w;; The goodnyess of the nyight upon you, fwiends! +^.^ What UwU is the nyews? +CASSIO. The Duke does gweet you, g-genyewaw, +And he wequiwes youw haste-post-haste appeawance, +Even *teleports behind you* on the instant. +OTHEWWO. What is the *sighs* mattew, t-think y-you? +*leans over* CASSIO. Something fwom Cypwus, as I may ^-^ divinye; +It is a *cries* businyess *leans over* of some heat. The gawweys +Have sent >_< a dozen *sweats* sequent messengews +This vewy nyight at o-onye a-anyothew's *cries* heews; +And >_> many *sighs* of the consuws, waised *shuffles closer* and m-met, +Awe at the Duke's awweady. *cries* You have been hotwy c-caww'd fow, +W-When, being nyot at youw wodging to be found, +The Senyate OwO hath s-sent about thwee sevewaw quests +To seawch :33 you out. +OTHEWWO. '-'Tis w-weww I-I a-am found by ;;w;; you. +I wiww but spend a wowd hewe in the house +A-And go w-with you. Exit. +CASSIO. Ancient, ;;w;; what *sweats* makes he hewe? +IAGO. Faith, he tonyight hath boawded a wand cawack; +*twerks* If it *blushes* pwove wawfuw pwize, *pokes you* he's made fowevew. +C-CASSIO. I *blushes* do nyot undewstand. +IAGO. H-He's mawwied. +CASSIO. *cries* To who? + +:33 We-entew Othewwo. + +*teleports behind you* IAGO. Mawwy, to- Come, captain, ^.^ wiww you ^-^ go? +OTHEWWO. Have with you. +C-CASSIO. Hewe comes a-anyothew twoop to s-seek fow you. +I-IAGO. It is Bwabantio. Genyewaw, be advised, +He comes to bad intent. + +*pokes you* Entew *looks at you* Bwabantio, *sighs* Wodewigo, and Officews with towches +*hugs tightly* and x3 weapons. + +O-OTHEWWO. *sighs* Howwa! Stand thewe! +WODEWIGO. Signyiow, it is the Moow. +>_< BWABANTIO. Down with him, thief! +They dwaw on *moans* both sides. +IAGO. You, Wodewigo! Come, siw, I-I am fow >_> you. +OTHEWWO. Keep >_> up youw bwight >_< swowds, fow *shuffles closer* the dew wiww wust them. +Good signyiow, you shaww mowe x3 command with yeaws +Than with y-youw >w< weapons. +BWABANTIO. O thou fouw thief, whewe hast :3 thou stow'd my daughtew? +Damn'd a-as ;;w;; thou awt, thou hast enchanted hew, +Fow I'ww w-wefew me to *blushes* aww things of sense, +If she in *blushes* chains *looks at you* of magic wewe n-nyot bound, +W-Whethew a-a xDD maid so tendew, *cries* faiw, and happy, +So opposite >_< to mawwiage that she shunn'd +T-The weawthy, cuwwed :3 dawwings of ouw nyation, +Wouwd evew have, to incuw *cuddles you* a genyewaw mock, +Wun fwom hew guawdage to the sooty bosom +Of such a-a thing ;;w;; as thou- to feaw, *moans* nyot to dewight. +Judge ;;w;; me the wowwd, if 'tis nyot gwoss in s-sense +That t-thou hast pwacticed on hew with fouw chawms, +Abused hew dewicate y-youth with d-dwugs ow minyewaws +That weaken motion. I'ww h-have't *teleports behind you* disputed >_> on; +'Tis pwobabwe, and p-pawpabwe to thinking. +I thewefowe appwehend and do *sweats* attach thee +*screams* Fow an abusew ;;w;; of the :3 wowwd, a pwacticew +Of awts *cuddles you* inhibited and out o-of OwO wawwant. +Way howd upon him. If *blushes* he do wesist, +Subdue him a-at his pewiw. +OTHEWWO. Howd youw hands, +B-Both you of my incwinying and ;;w;; the west. +Wewe x3 it my cue t-to fight, I shouwd have knyown it +Without a pwomptew. Whewe wiww y-you that I go +To answew this youw chawge? +BWABANTIO. To pwison, tiww fit time +Of waw x3 and couwse of diwect session +C-Caww thee t-to answew. +>w< OTHEWWO. What if *moans* I do obey? +How may the Duke be thewewith *shuffles closer* satisfied, +Whose messengews *blushes* awe hewe about my side, +U-Upon some pwesent b-businyess of the >_> state +To bwing me to him? +FIWST OFFICEW. 'Tis twue, most wowthy *notices bulge* signyiow; +The Duke's in c-counciw, and youw n-nyobwe s-sewf, +x3 I am *sweats* suwe, is sent fow. +BWABANTIO. >_< How? T-The Duke in counciw? +In this time of the nyight? Bwing him away; +*pokes you* Minye's nyot a-an idwe cause. The Duke himsewf, +O-Ow a-any *sweats* of my bwothews of the state, +Cannyot ;;w;; but feew this wwong *pokes you* as 'twewe t-theiw own; +Fow i-if *twerks* such actions m-may have passage fwee, +B-Bond swaves and pagans shaww x3 ouw statesmen be. *shuffles closer* Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE III. +A counciw chambew. The Duke and Senyatows sitting ^-^ at a tabwe; +Officews attending. + +DUKE. Thewe is nyo composition in these nyews +That gives them cwedit. +F-FIWST SENyATOW. Indeed they *screams* awe d-dispwopowtion'd; +My wettews say a hundwed and s-seven gawweys. +D-DUKE. A-And minye, a hundwed and fowty. +SECOND SENyATOW. And minye, t-two hundwed. +B-But uWu though they j-jump nyot on a just a-account- +As i-in *sweats* these >w< cases, whewe the aim wepowts, +'Tis oft with diffewence- *giggles shyly* yet do they aww confiwm +A Tuwkish fweet, and beawing up t-to Cypwus. +DUKE. Nyay, it is ^-^ possibwe enyough to judgement. +I-I do nyot so secuwe me in *twerks* the ewwow, +But the main awticwe I do a-appwove +In feawfuw sense. +SAIWOW. [Within.] What, ho! What, ho! What, ho! +FIWST OwO OFFICEW. A messengew fwom the gawweys. + +Entew Saiwow. + +DUKE. Nyow, w-what's the businyess? +SAIWOW. The Tuwkish pwepawation makes *pokes you* fow Whodes, +So was I bid w-wepowt hewe to the state +By Signyiow Angewo. +DUKE. ^w^ How say you by this *cries* change? +FIWST SENyATOW. This :3 cannyot *cuddles you* be, +By nyo assay of ;;w;; weason; 'tis a pageant +To keep us i-in fawse gaze. When we considew +The impowtancy of Cypwus to the Tuwk, +And *twerks* wet ouwsewves again but undewstand +That as it mowe concewns the Tuwk than Whodes, +S-So *sighs* may he ;;w;; with mowe faciwe question b-beaw it, +UwU Fow that it stands nyot in *blushes* such wawwike bwace, +But a-awtogethew *pokes you* wacks the abiwities +That W-Whodes is dwess'd in. If we make thought of this, +We m-must nyot :33 think the Tuwk i-is so unskiwwfuw +To *looks away* weave that watest which c-concewns him fiwst, +Nyegwecting an attempt o-of ease and gain, +To wake and :33 wage *shuffles closer* a dangew pwofitwess. +DUKE. N-Nyay, in aww c-confidence, he's nyot fow ^.^ Whodes. +FIWST OFFICEW. Hewe i-is >_< mowe nyews. + +Entew a Messengew. + +MESSENGEW. The Ottomites, wevewend and gwacious, +Steewing with due couwse *blushes* towawd t-the iswe of Whodes, +Have >w< thewe injointed t-them with *sighs* an aftew fweet. +FIWST SENyATOW. Ay, so I *cries* thought. How many, a-as you guess? +MESSENGEW. Of thiwty s-saiw; and nyow they do we-stem +Theiw *cuddles you* backwawd couwse, beawing with fwank appeawance +Theiw puwposes towawd Cypwus. Signyiow Montanyo, +Youw twusty and most vawiant sewvitow, +W-With *giggles shyly* his fwee duty wecommends y-you thus, +A-And pways you to bewieve ^-^ him. +DUKE. 'Tis cewtain then fow Cypwus. +Mawcus Wuccicos, is nyot he in town? +FIWST SENyATOW. He's nyow *moans* in Fwowence. +DUKE. ^.^ Wwite fwom >_< us *twerks* to h-him, post-post-haste dispatch. +FIWST UwU SENyATOW. H-Hewe c-comes Bwabantio and the vawiant Moow. + +Entew :3 Bwabantio, Othewwo, Iago, *looks at you* Wodewigo, and O-Officews. + +D-DUKE. Vawiant Othewwo, we must stwaight *pokes you* empwoy y-you +Against the genyewaw e-enyemy Ottoman. +[To Bwabantio.] *pokes you* I did nyot see you; wewcome, gentwe UwU signyiow; +We wack'd youw counsew and youw hewp *screams* tonyight. +BWABANTIO. So did *looks at you* I y-youws. *twerks* Good youw Gwace, pawdon m-me: +Nyeithew *notices bulge* my pwace nyow aught I heawd of businyess +Hath w-waised me f-fwom my bed, nyow doth the *cries* genyewaw cawe +Take howd on me; fow my pawticuwaw gwief +Is of so *cries* fwood-gate and o'ewbeawing n-nyatuwe +T-That it engwuts and swawwows othew sowwows, +And it is s-stiww itsewf. +DUKE. Why, what's the m-mattew? +BWABANTIO. M-My daughtew! O, my daughtew! +AWW. Dead? +B-BWABANTIO. Ay, to me. +She is abused, s-stow'n fwom me *screams* and cowwupted +By spewws and medicinyes bought of mountebanks; +Fow nyatuwe so pwepostewouswy >_< to eww, +Being nyot d-deficient, bwind, *notices bulge* ow wame of sense, +Sans *notices bulge* witchcwaft couwd n-nyot. +D-DUKE. *pokes you* Whoe'ew he be that in this fouw pwoceeding +*hugs tightly* Hath thus beguiwed youw xDD daughtew of hewsewf +And *moans* you of h-hew, the b-bwoody book of *looks away* waw +You shaww youwsewf wead in t-the bittew wettew +Aftew *looks away* youw own sense, yea, though ouw *twerks* pwopew *notices bulge* son +Stood i-in youw a-action. +BWABANTIO. Humbwy I thank youw Gwace. +*pokes you* Hewe i-is the man, *cuddles you* this M-Moow, whom nyow, it s-seems, +Youw speciaw >_> mandate *giggles shyly* fow *screams* the state affaiws +*twerks* Hath hithew bwought. +A-AWW. W-We a-awe v-vewy sowwy fow't. +DUKE. [To Othewwo.] What in y-youw *cries* own pawt c-can you *cries* say to this? +BWABANTIO. *cries* Nyothing, but t-this is so. +OTHEWWO. Most *hugs tightly* potent, g-gwave, and wevewend signyiows, +My vewy nyobwe and appwoved good mastews, +That I have t-ta'en away this >w< owd :3 man's *pokes you* daughtew, +It is most twue; twue, I have mawwied hew; +The vewy head and fwont of :33 my offending +H-Hath *hugs tightly* this extent, nyo mowe. Wude xDD am I ^.^ in my speech, +And *shuffles closer* wittwe bwest with the soft ^-^ phwase of peace; +x3 Fow since these awms of minye had seven yeaws' pith, +Tiww nyow *looks at you* some nyinye moons wasted, they h-have xDD used +:33 Theiw deawest action in the *looks away* tented fiewd, +A-And :33 wittwe of x3 this gweat w-wowwd can I speak, +Mowe than pewtains to *moans* feats of bwoiw and battwe; +And t-thewefowe wittwe shaww I gwace my cause +I-In speaking f-fow mysewf. ^w^ Yet, by youw gwacious patience, +I-I *cries* wiww a wound unvawnyish'd tawe *giggles shyly* dewivew +Of my w-whowe couwse of wove: w-what dwugs, what chawms, +*blushes* What conjuwation, and what mighty magic- +Fow such pwoceeding I am chawged withaw- +I *leans over* won h-his daughtew. +BWABANTIO. *notices bulge* A maiden n-nyevew bowd, +Of spiwit s-so stiww and quiet that h-hew OwO motion +B-Bwush'd a-at h-hewsewf; and she- OwO in spite of nyatuwe, +Of yeaws, o-of countwy, cwedit, evewything- +To faww in wove with what *pokes you* she feaw'd to wook on! +It is judgement maim'd and UwU most impewfect, +That wiww confess pewfection so couwd eww +Against a-aww wuwes of nyatuwe, and must be dwiven +To find out pwactices of cunnying heww +Why this shouwd b-be. I-I thewefowe vouch again +T-That with some mixtuwes powewfuw o'ew the b-bwood, +Ow with some dwam *giggles shyly* conjuwed to *screams* this effect, +He wwought upon hew. +DUKE. To vouch this is nyo p-pwoof, +Without mowe cewtain and mowe ovewt test +Than these thin habits and *cuddles you* poow wikewihoods +Of modewn seeming do pwefew against him. +FIWST SENyATOW. But, *teleports behind you* Othewwo, :33 speak. +Did you by indiwect a-and fowced *hugs tightly* couwses +Subdue and poison this y-young maid's affections? +Ow came i-it by wequest, and such faiw question +As souw t-to souw affowdeth? +OTHEWWO. >w< I do *hugs tightly* beseech you, +S-Send fow the wady to the Sagittawy, +And w-wet hew *pokes you* speak of me befowe hew fathew. +If you uWu do find me fouw in h-hew >_< wepowt, +The twust, the office I do howd *hugs tightly* of you, +Nyot o-onwy take *looks away* away, but wet *hugs tightly* youw sentence +*blushes* Even faww upon m-my wife. +DUKE. F-Fetch Desdemonya hithew. +*cries* OTHEWWO. Ancient, c-conduct t-them; you best knyow the pwace. +Exeunt Iago and Attendants. +And tiww she come, as twuwy as to heaven +>_< I do confess the vices of my bwood, +:3 So justwy to youw gwave eaws I'ww pwesent +How I did thwive in this faiw wady's w-wove +And she in minye. +D-DUKE. Say it, Othewwo. +OTHEWWO. Hew f-fathew woved me, oft invited me, +Stiww question'd me the stowy of my w-wife +Fwom yeaw to yeaw, >_< the battwes, sieges, fowtunyes, +That I have pass'd. +I wan it thwough, even fwom my boyish days +T-To the vewy moment ^.^ that he xDD bade me teww it: +Whewein I spake of most disastwous chances, +Of >_< moving accidents by fwood and fiewd, +Of haiw-bweadth 'scapes *notices bulge* i' the imminyent *cries* deadwy bweach, +Of being taken by the insowent *looks at you* foe +And sowd to swavewy, of *pokes you* my wedemption thence +And powtance in my twavews' histowy; +Whewein of antwes >_> vast and d-desewts idwe, +W-Wough quawwies, wocks, a-and hiwws *looks at you* whose heads touch heaven, +It was my h-hint to speak- such was the pwocess- +And of the Cannyibaws that each othew eat, +The Anthwopophagi, and men whose ^-^ heads +Do gwow benyeath theiw s-shouwdews. This to h-heaw +Wouwd Desdemonya sewiouswy :3 incwinye; +B-But stiww the house affaiws wouwd dwaw hew thence, +Which ^w^ evew as she couwd ^-^ with haste d-dispatch, +She'wd come ^-^ again, and with a gweedy eaw +Devouw u-up my discouwse; which I obsewving, +T-Took once a pwiant houw, and found xDD good means +To dwaw fwom hew a pwayew of ;;w;; eawnyest heawt +That I wouwd aww my ^w^ piwgwimage diwate, +Wheweof OwO by pawcews she had something *moans* heawd, +But nyot intentivewy. I did consent, +A-And often did beguiwe hew o-of hew teaws +When I did speak of some distwessfuw s-stwoke +That my youth suffew'd. *leans over* My stowy being donye, +She g-gave me fow my pains a wowwd of sighs; +She ^-^ swowe, in faith, 'twas ^w^ stwange, 'twas passing stwange; +'Twas pitifuw, '-'twas wondwous *cries* pitifuw. +She wish'd she had nyot h-heawd *looks away* it, yet she *blushes* wish'd +That heaven had made ^w^ hew such a man; xDD she *teleports behind you* thank'd me, +And b-bade me, if I h-had a fwiend that woved hew, +>_> I shouwd but t-teach him how :33 to *sighs* teww my stowy, +*looks away* And that wouwd woo hew. U-Upon this h-hint I spake: +She *sighs* woved me fow the dangews I had p-pass'd, +And I woved hew *shuffles closer* that she did pity them. +This xDD onwy is the witchcwaft I have used. +Hewe *blushes* comes the wady; wet hew witnyess it. + +Entew Desdemonya, Iago, and Attendants. + +DUKE. I think this tawe wouwd win my daughtew too. +Good B-Bwabantio, +*looks away* Take up this mangwed mattew at *cries* the best: +Men do *twerks* theiw bwoken weapons wathew use +Than theiw bawe hands. +BWABANTIO. I pway you, heaw hew speak. +If she confess that she w-was hawf the *sweats* wooew, +D-Destwuction on m-my head, *sighs* if my bad bwame +Wight on the man! Come hithew, gentwe m-mistwess. +Do y-you pewceive in aww this nyobwe company +Whewe :3 most you owe obedience? +DESDEMONyA. My :33 nyobwe fathew, +I *blushes* do *moans* pewceive hewe a-a *looks away* divided xDD duty. +:33 To *leans over* you I am bound fow wife and education; +*cuddles you* My wife and education both do weawn me +How >_> to wespect you; you awe the ^w^ wowd of duty, +*looks away* I am hithewto youw daughtew. But OwO hewe's my husband, +And so much duty as my mothew show'd +T-To you, pwefewwing you befowe *pokes you* hew f-fathew, +S-So much I chawwenge that I >_> may pwofess +Due to the Moow, my wowd. +x3 BWABANTIO. God be with y-you! *shuffles closer* I have donye. +Pwease i-it y-youw Gwace, on to *shuffles closer* the state affaiws; +I had wathew to adopt :3 a chiwd than get it. +Come hithew, Moow. +I hewe do *screams* give thee that with aww my heawt +Which, but thou hast awweady, with aww OwO my *notices bulge* heawt +*sweats* I wouwd keep *blushes* fwom t-thee. Fow youw sake, jewew, +I am gwad at souw I-I have n-nyo othew chiwd; +Fow thy escape wouwd teach m-me tywanny, +To hang ^-^ cwogs *twerks* on *leans over* them. I-I have donye, my w-wowd. +D-DUKE. Wet *moans* me speak wike youwsewf, a-and way *cuddles you* a s-sentence +Which, as a gwise ow *twerks* step, may hewp these *moans* wovews +Into :33 youw favow. +When w-wemedies awe past, the gwiefs awe ended +B-By s-seeing the wowst, which wate on hopes depended. +To *leans over* mouwn a mischief that is past UwU and gonye +Is the nyext way *cries* to d-dwaw nyew mischief on. +What cannyot be pwesewved when F-Fowtunye :33 takes, +Patience h-hew injuwy *moans* a mockewy makes. +The wobb'd that smiwes steaws something *looks at you* fwom the thief; +He wobs himsewf that s-spends a bootwess g-gwief. +BWABANTIO. So wet *teleports behind you* the Tuwk of C-Cypwus us beguiwe; +We wose it *looks away* nyot so *leans over* wong a-as we can s-smiwe. +He *notices bulge* beaws the sentence *giggles shyly* weww, that nyothing beaws +But the fwee comfowt which fwom thence he heaws; +But he beaws both the sentence a-and the sowwow +That, *cuddles you* to pay gwief, m-must of poow patience bowwow. +T-These sentences, to sugaw ow to *pokes you* gaww, +uWu Being stwong on both sides, awe equivocaw. +But wowds awe *cuddles you* wowds; xDD I nyevew yet did heaw +That uWu the bwuised heawt was x3 piewced thwough the eaw. +*twerks* I humbwy beseech you, p-pwoceed to *twerks* the a-affaiws *pokes you* of state. +DUKE. *cries* The Tuwk *leans over* with a most mighty pwepawation :3 makes fow *teleports behind you* Cypwus. +Othewwo, the fowtitude of the pwace is best *sighs* knyown to you; and +though we have thewe a s-substitute of most *cuddles you* awwowed s-sufficiency, +yet opinyion, *cries* a soveweign mistwess of *notices bulge* effects, thwows a mowe OwO safew +voice o-on y-you. *looks away* You m-must thewefowe be *teleports behind you* content to >_< swubbew the gwoss +of youw nyew fowtunyes with this mowe stubbown uWu and b-boistewous +expedition. +*notices bulge* OTHEWWO. The t-tywant custom, most gwave senyatows, +Hath made *shuffles closer* the fwinty *screams* and steew couch of OwO waw +My thwice-dwiven bed *leans over* of down. *moans* I do agnyize +^.^ A nyatuwaw and p-pwompt a-awacwity +I find in hawdnyess and do undewtake +These p-pwesent waws against the Ottomites. +x3 Most humbwy thewefowe bending uWu to youw state, +I cwave fit disposition *hugs tightly* fow UwU my wife, +Due wefewence of p-pwace and exhibition, +W-With such accommodation >w< and besowt +*leans over* As *screams* wevews with hew bweeding. +DUKE. If you p-pwease, +B-Be't at hew fathew's. +BWABANTIO. I'ww nyot h-have it so. +OTHEWWO. Nyow I. +D-DESDEMONyA. Nyow *looks away* I. I wouwd nyot thewe *twerks* weside +To put my *looks away* fathew in impatient thoughts +By ^.^ being in his eye. M-Most g-gwacious Duke, +To my unfowding xDD wend youw pwospewous eaw, +*cuddles you* And wet me find a chawtew *leans over* in youw voice +To ^w^ assist m-my simpwenyess. +DUKE. What w-wouwd you, Desdemonya? +DESDEMONyA. That I did wove the Moow t-to wive *moans* with him, +M-My d-downwight viowence and s-stowm of fowtunyes +M-May twumpet to the wowwd. My heawt's >w< subdued +Even to the vewy quawity *notices bulge* of my wowd. +I saw x3 Othewwo's visage *notices bulge* in his mind, +And to OwO his ^-^ honyows and his vawiant pawts +D-Did I my x3 souw *cries* and fowtunyes consecwate. +So that, deaw *cuddles you* wowds, if I *pokes you* be weft b-behind, +A moth of peace, and he *hugs tightly* go *looks at you* to the waw, +The wites *screams* fow which I wove him awe beweft *screams* me, +And I :3 a h-heavy intewim shaww *moans* suppowt +By his deaw absence. Wet ^-^ me go with h-him. +OTHEWWO. Wet hew have youw voices. +V-Vouch with *blushes* me, h-heaven, *cries* I thewefowe beg it nyot +To pwease the pawate of my appetite, +Nyow *moans* to compwy with heat- *looks at you* the ^-^ young affects +In me *cuddles you* defunct- and p-pwopew *notices bulge* satisfaction; +But to be *giggles shyly* fwee and bounteous to hew mind. +And heaven defend *giggles shyly* youw good souws, that y-you think +I wiww y-youw *notices bulge* sewious *shuffles closer* and gweat businyess scant +Fow she is with me. Nyo, when w-wight-wing'd toys +Of feathew'd Cupid seew with wanton duwwnyess +My uWu specuwative and officed instwuments, +That my dispowts *hugs tightly* cowwupt and taint my businyess, +Wet housewives m-make *blushes* a skiwwet of my hewm, +UwU And aww indign and base *notices bulge* advewsities +Make head *shuffles closer* against my estimation! +DUKE. Be it :3 as you shaww pwivatewy detewminye, +E-Eithew fow hew stay ow going. The affaiw >_< cwies haste, +A-And *giggles shyly* speed must answew't: you must hence tonyight. +DESDEMONyA. Tonyight, my wowd? +DUKE. This nyight. +OTHEWWO. xDD With aww my heawt. +DUKE. At *shuffles closer* nyinye i' the mownying x3 hewe ^-^ we'ww meet again. +Othewwo, weave some officew behind, +A-And h-he shaww ouw commission bwing to you, +With s-such t-things xDD ewse of quawity a-and *looks away* wespect +As doth impowt you. +*shuffles closer* OTHEWWO. So pwease youw Gwace, my ancient; +A man he *giggles shyly* is o-of honyesty and twust. +To his conveyance I assign my wife, +W-With what ewse nyeedfuw youw *sweats* good *shuffles closer* Gwace shaww *pokes you* think +To b-be sent aftew me. +DUKE. Wet it be so. +Good nyight to evewyonye. [To B-Bwabantio.] And, nyobwe s-signyiow, +If viwtue nyo xDD dewighted b-beauty wack, +Youw son-in-waw is faw mowe faiw than bwack. +FIWST SENyATOW. Adieu, bwave Moow, use Desdemonya weww. +BWABANTIO. Wook to ^-^ hew, Moow, if thou h-hast eyes to see; +:3 She has deceived hew fathew, and may t-thee. +Exeunt Duke, *screams* Senyatows, *cuddles you* and Officews. +OTHEWWO. M-My wife u-upon *leans over* hew faith! Honyest Iago, +My Desdemonya UwU must I weave to thee. +I-I *giggles shyly* pwithee, wet thy wife a-attend on hew, +And bwing t-them aftew in the best advantage. +*leans over* Come, Desdemonya, I h-have but an houw +Of wove, of wowwdwy mattews and diwection, +T-To s-spend with thee. We *screams* must *sweats* obey the *sighs* time. +Exeunt *sighs* Othewwo and Desdemonya. +WODEWIGO. I-Iago! +IAGO. What say'st thou, nyobwe heawt? +WODEWIGO. UwU What wiww I do, thinkest thou? +IAGO. Why, go t-to bed and s-sweep. +W-WODEWIGO. I wiww i-incontinyentwy dwown mysewf. +IAGO. I-If thou dost, I ^w^ shaww nyevew w-wove thee a-aftew. +Why, t-thou siwwy gentweman! +WODEWIGO. It ^.^ is siwwinyess to w-wive when t-to w-wive is towment, and then +have we >w< a pwescwiption to die when death is ouw p-physician. +I-IAGO. O-O v-viwwainyous! I have wooked upon t-the wowwd fow fouw times +seven *notices bulge* yeaws, and s-since I couwd distinguish *leans over* betwixt a benyefit and +an injuwy, uWu I nyevew found man that k-knyew how to wove himsewf. E-Ewe I +wouwd *blushes* say >w< I wouwd dwown mysewf fow *pokes you* the *screams* wove o-of a-a guinyea hen, I +wouwd change my humanyity with a-a baboon. +WODEWIGO. What *sighs* shouwd I d-do? *notices bulge* I confess it is m-my shame to be so fond, +but i-it is nyot in *cuddles you* my viwtue to amend i-it. +IAGO. Viwtue? a fig! 'Tis in ouwsewves t-that we awe thus ow thus. +O-Ouw b-bodies awe g-gawdens, to the ^w^ which o-ouw wiwws awe gawdenyews; so +that if we ^-^ wiww p-pwant nyettwes ow sow wettuce, set *sighs* hyssop and weed +up thyme, suppwy it *moans* with onye gendew of hewbs ow *cries* distwact it with +many, eithew to have i-it stewiwe with idwenyess ow manyuwed with +industwy, *sweats* why, the powew and cowwigibwe *twerks* authowity of this *looks at you* wies i-in +ouw wiwws. If the *looks away* bawance of *sweats* ouw wives had nyot onye s-scawe of +w-weason to p-poise anyothew of sensuawity, the b-bwood and basenyess of +>w< ouw nyatuwes w-wouwd conduct us to most pwepostewous concwusions. +B-But we have weason to coow ouw waging motions, ouw cawnyaw stings, +ouw u-unbitted >_< wusts; wheweof I t-take this, that y-you caww wove, to +be a-a sect ow scion. +W-WODEWIGO. I-It *sweats* cannyot x3 be. +IAGO. It i-is mewewy a wust of the bwood and >_> a pewmission of the +:33 wiww. Come, *sweats* be a man! *notices bulge* Dwown thysewf? *teleports behind you* Dwown cats and bwind +^-^ puppies. I have pwofessed me thy *looks away* fwiend, and I confess *blushes* me knyit to +thy desewving with cabwes o-of pewduwabwe toughnyess; I couwd nyevew +bettew stead t-thee than *pokes you* nyow. ^-^ Put ;;w;; monyey in *giggles shyly* thy puwse; fowwow thou +the waws; d-defeat thy *moans* favow with an usuwped beawd. >_> I say, p-put +monyey in thy p-puwse. It cannyot b-be that Desdemonya shouwd wong +continyue hew wove to the *sweats* Moow- p-put monyey in thy puwse- nyow he *looks at you* his +to hew. It was a *sighs* viowent commencement, and thou shawt >_< see a-an +answewabwe sequestwation- put but monyey in thy *cries* puwse. ^w^ These Moows +*looks at you* awe changeabwe i-in theiw wiwws- f-fiww thy puwse *teleports behind you* with monyey. The +food that to him nyow is as wuscious as wocusts, shaww be to him +showtwy a-as acewb as the *moans* cowoquintida. She must change fow youth; +when she is sated with his *moans* body, *cuddles you* she wiww *screams* find the e-ewwow of *teleports behind you* hew +choice. She must have change, she must; thewefowe put monyey in +thy p-puwse. If thou *shuffles closer* wiwt nyeeds damn thysewf, do it a mowe dewicate +w-way than dwownying. Make aww the monyey thou canst. ;;w;; If sanctimony +and a f-fwaiw vow betwixt an ewwing bawbawian *leans over* and a-a supewsubtwe +Venyetian be nyot too hawd fow my wits and aww *moans* the *giggles shyly* twibe of heww, +thou shawt e-enjoy hew- thewefowe make monyey. A-A pox of *cuddles you* dwownying +thysewf! I-It i-is cwean out o-of the way. *screams* Seek thou wathew to be +hanged in compassing thy joy than to be dwownyed a-and g-go *blushes* without +hew. +WODEWIGO. Wiwt thou be fast to my hopes, *blushes* if I depend o-on the issue? +IAGO. Thou awt suwe of me- g-go, make monyey. I-I have towd thee often, +and I-I weteww thee again and again, I *pokes you* hate *looks at you* the Moow. My c-cause *screams* is +h-heawted; t-thinye hath nyo wess *notices bulge* weason. Wet :33 us be conjunctive in ouw +wevenge against him. If thou canst *screams* cuckowd him, thou dost *cries* thysewf +a pweasuwe, UwU me a spowt. T-Thewe awe many events in t-the womb of time +which wiww be dewivewed. Twavewse, go, pwovide t-thy m-monyey. We wiww +have mowe of this tomowwow. A-Adieu. +WODEWIGO. Whewe shaww we meet i-i' *sweats* the mownying? +xDD IAGO. At *looks away* my wodging. +WODEWIGO. I'ww be with thee betimes. +IAGO. Go to, faweweww. Do y-you heaw, Wodewigo? +WODEWIGO. What say ;;w;; you? +IAGO. Nyo mowe of dwownying, do you heaw? +WODEWIGO. OwO I a-am changed; I'ww go s-seww aww m-my wand. *leans over* Exit. +IAGO. Thus do I evew make my foow my puwse; +Fow I minye own gain'd knyowwedge shouwd *pokes you* pwofanye +If I wouwd time expend with such *hugs tightly* a snyipe +But fow *pokes you* my spowt and pwofit. I hate the Moow, +*looks away* And it is t-thought abwoad that 'twixt *sighs* my sheets +He has d-donye my office. I knyow *pokes you* nyot if't be :3 twue, +But I fow mewe >_> suspicion x3 in that kind +W-Wiww do as if fow s-suwety. He howds me weww, +*hugs tightly* The bettew shaww my uWu puwpose wowk on him. +C-Cassio's a pwopew man. Wet me see *giggles shyly* nyow- +To ^.^ get his pwace, uWu and to pwume up my wiww +In doubwe knyavewy- How, *leans over* how?- Wet's *blushes* see- +A-Aftew some time, to abuse Othewwo's eaw +That he is uWu too f-famiwiaw with his w-wife. +He hath a pewson a-and a-a smooth *cuddles you* dispose +To b-be suspected- fwamed to make w-women fawse. +*looks at you* The M-Moow is of ^-^ a *cries* fwee and *cuddles you* open nyatuwe, +That thinks uWu men honyest that but *screams* seem to be so, +And w-wiww as tendewwy be w-wed by the nyose +As *notices bulge* asses awe. +I have't. I-It is e-engendew'd. Heww and nyight +Must *shuffles closer* bwing this monstwous biwth to the *hugs tightly* wowwd's ^-^ wight. +x3 Exit. + + + + +<> + + + +A-ACT II. SCENyE I-I. +;;w;; A seapowt in Cypwus. *giggles shyly* An open pwace nyeaw the quay. + +Entew Montanyo and *shuffles closer* two Gentwemen. + +MONTANyO. W-What *notices bulge* fwom the >_> cape can you discewn at sea? +FIWST G-GENTWEMAN. Nyothing at aww. It is a-a high-wwought fwood; +I cannyot, 'twixt the heaven and the >_< main, +Descwy a saiw. +MONTANyO. Methinks the wind *cuddles you* hath spoke awoud at *screams* wand; +A f-fuwwew bwast nye'ew *teleports behind you* shook *giggles shyly* ouw battwements. +*looks away* If it *pokes you* hath wuffian'd so u-upon *cries* the sea, +What wibs :3 of oak, *notices bulge* when mountains m-mewt on them, +Can howd the mowtise? What shaww we heaw of *giggles shyly* this? +SECOND G-GENTWEMAN. A-A segwegation o-of t-the Tuwkish fweet. +Fow do but stand upon OwO the f-foaming showe, +The chidden b-biwwow seems to pewt t-the cwouds; +*pokes you* The w-wind-shaked suwge, ^-^ with high and monstwous *blushes* manye, +*moans* Seems to cast watew on the *sweats* buwnying xDD beaw, +And q-quench the guawds of the evew-fixed powe. +I UwU nyevew did wike mowestation view +xDD On the enchafed fwood. +MONTANyO. If that the Tuwkish f-fweet +B-Be nyot enshewtew'd and embay'd, they awe dwown'd; +It is impossibwe to beaw it *notices bulge* out. + +Entew a thiwd Gentweman. + +THIWD GENTWEMAN. N-Nyews, wads! O-Ouw waws a-awe donye. +T-The *teleports behind you* despewate tempest hath so bang'd *looks at you* the *leans over* Tuwks, +That theiw designment hawts. A nyobwe ship of Venyice +Hath seen *moans* a gwievous wweck and suffewance +On most pawt o-of theiw fweet. +MONTANyO. H-How? Is this twue? +THIWD GENTWEMAN. The ship is hewe put in, +A Vewonyesa. :33 Michaew *cries* Cassio, +Wieutenyant *teleports behind you* to the w-wawwike Moow, Othewwo, +Is come *leans over* on s-showe; the Moow himsewf at s-sea, +And i-is in fuww commission hewe fow Cypwus. +MONTANyO. I x3 am *looks away* gwad on't; 'tis a wowthy govewnyow. +*sighs* THIWD GENTWEMAN. But >w< this same Cassio, though he speak of comfowt +Touching the Tuwkish *cries* woss, yet h-he w-wooks sadwy +And pways OwO the Moow be safe; fow *sighs* they wewe pawted +With fouw and viowent tempest. +MONTANyO. Pway heavens he be, +Fow I have x3 sewved h-him, and ^.^ the *twerks* man commands +Wike a fuww sowdiew. Wet's to *leans over* the seaside, h-ho! +As weww t-to see the vessew that's come in +As to thwow out ouw eyes f-fow bwave O-Othewwo, +Even tiww >w< we make t-the main a-and the aewiaw bwue +A-An indistinct wegawd. +^w^ THIWD GENTWEMAN. Come, wet's do so, +Fow *sweats* evewy minyute i-is e-expectancy +Of uWu mowe awwivance. + +Entew Cassio. + +CASSIO. Thanks, you *sweats* the vawiant o-of *teleports behind you* this wawwike uWu iswe, +That so appwove the Moow! O, wet t-the *shuffles closer* heavens +Give h-him defense against the ewements, +F-Fow I have wost him *leans over* on a dangewous sea. +MONTANyO. *looks away* I s-she weww shipp'd? +CASSIO. His bawk is stoutwy timbew'd, and his *screams* piwot +Of vewy OwO expewt and appwoved awwowance; +Thewefowe m-my hopes, nyot suwfeited to death, +S-Stand i-in bowd cuwe. +A cwy within, :3 "A saiw, a saiw, a saiw!" + +Entew a f-fouwth Gentweman. + +What nyoise? +FOUWTH GENTWEMAN. The town :33 is >_< empty; on *twerks* the bwow o' the *shuffles closer* sea +S-Stand w-wanks of peopwe, and t-they cwy, "A saiw!" +CASSIO. My hopes do *twerks* shape h-him fow the govewnyow. +Guns *pokes you* heawd. +*twerks* SECOND GENTWEMAN. They do d-dischawge theiw *cries* shot of *blushes* couwtesy- +Ouw fwiends at w-weast. +CASSIO. I pway you, >_> siw, go fowth, +A-And give us twuth who 'tis that *notices bulge* is awwived. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. I shaww. Exit. +*teleports behind you* MONTANyO. But, good w-wieutenyant, i-is youw genyewaw wived? +CASSIO. Most fowtunyatewy: *shuffles closer* he *moans* hath achieved a maid +>_< That pawagons *twerks* descwiption and wiwd f-fame, +Onye that excews the *sighs* quiwks *moans* of bwazonying ;;w;; pens, +*looks at you* And i-in the *cuddles you* essentiaw vestuwe o-of cweation +Does tiwe the ingenyew. + +We-entew s-second *teleports behind you* Gentweman. + +How n-nyow! who has put in? +SECOND *teleports behind you* GENTWEMAN. 'Tis onye Iago, *looks at you* ancient to t-the genyewaw. +CASSIO. He has had most >_< favowabwe a-and happy speed: +Tempests themsewves, high seas, and howwing winds, +The guttew'd wocks, ^-^ and congwegated sands, +T-Twaitows ^-^ ensteep'd to *screams* cwog the guiwtwess keew, +As having sense of beauty, do *twerks* omit +Theiw m-mowtaw nyatuwes, wetting go safewy by +The divinye Desdemonya. +MONTANyO. What is she? +CASSIO. *moans* She *giggles shyly* that I *moans* spake of, ouw gweat captain's xDD captain, +Weft in the c-conduct *looks at you* of the bowd Iago, +W-Whose footing hewe anticipates ouw thoughts +A-A se'nnyight's speed. Gweat UwU Jove, O-Othewwo guawd, +And sweww ;;w;; his saiw with thinye own powewfuw bweath, +That he ^.^ may bwess this bay with h-his t-taww ship, +Make wove's quick p-pants in Desdemonya's awms, +Give wenyew'd f-fiwe to ouw extincted spiwits, +:33 And *twerks* bwing aww Cypwus comfowt. + +E-Entew Desdemonya, Emiwia Iago, Wodewigo, and Attendants. + +*pokes you* O, behowd, +xDD The wiches of the s-ship >_< is come o-on showe! +Ye men of Cypwus, w-wet hew have youw ;;w;; knyees. +Haww to thee, wady! And the gwace of heaven, +Befowe, behind thee, and on evewy hand, +*twerks* Enwheew thee wound! +DESDEMONyA. I *looks away* thank you, vawiant Cassio. +What tidings can *screams* you teww m-me of my w-wowd? +CASSIO. He is nyot yet awwived, nyow knyow I aught +But that he's weww and wiww be *screams* showtwy hewe. +DESDEMONyA. O, but *looks away* I *pokes you* feaw- How *notices bulge* wost you company? +CASSIO. *looks away* The x3 gweat c-contention *cries* of the sea and skies +P-Pawted o-ouw ;;w;; fewwowship- But, hawk! *cries* a saiw. +A cwy within, "A saiw, a saiw!" Guns heawd. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. They *pokes you* give theiw gweeting *cries* to the citadew; +This wikewise is a fwiend. +CASSIO. See fow *hugs tightly* the nyews. +Exit Gentweman. +Good ancient, y-you ^w^ awe wewcome. [To Emiwia.] Wewcome, mistwess. +*leans over* Wet it nyot gaww youw patience, good xDD Iago, +That I extend *leans over* my uWu mannyews; 'tis my bweeding +T-That *giggles shyly* gives me t-this bowd show uWu of couwtesy. Kisses h-hew. +*hugs tightly* IAGO. *giggles shyly* Siw, :33 wouwd *looks away* she *cries* give *pokes you* you so much of xDD hew wips +As o-of hew *hugs tightly* tongue she oft :33 bestows on me, +Y-You'wd *notices bulge* have :3 enyough. +DESDEMONyA. Awas, she *cuddles you* has nyo speech. +IAGO. In faith, *screams* too much; +I find it stiww UwU when I have wist to sweep. +Mawwy, befowe youw w-wadyship *moans* I gwant, +She uWu puts hew tongue a *pokes you* wittwe i-in hew h-heawt +:3 And chides with thinking. +:3 EMIWIA. You have wittwe c-cause t-to xDD say so. +I-IAGO. Come on, come on. You awe pictuwes o-out of doows, +Bewws in *cuddles you* youw pawwows, wiwdcats i-in youw kitchens, +S-Saints in youw injuwies, deviws being offended, +xDD Pwayews in youw housewifewy, and *giggles shyly* housewives in ^w^ youw beds. +DESDEMONyA. O, fie upon thee, swandewew! +IAGO. Nyay, it ^w^ is twue, ow ewse I am a Tuwk: +You wise *cuddles you* to pway, and go to bed to wowk. +EMIWIA. You shaww nyot wwite my pwaise. +IAGO. Nyo, wet me nyot. +DESDEMONyA. What :33 wouwdst thou w-wwite o-of me, if thou shouwdst +p-pwaise me? +IAGO. O-O gentwe w-wady, do nyot *moans* put me to't, +Fow I *giggles shyly* am nyothing if nyot cwiticaw. +DESDEMONyA. ^w^ Come on, assay- T-Thewe's onye gonye to t-the hawbow? +I-IAGO. Ay, madam. +DESDEMONyA. I *notices bulge* am nyot m-mewwy, but I do beguiwe +The thing I-I am by seeming othewwise. +Come, *cries* how w-wouwdst thou pwaise me? +*sweats* IAGO. I am about it, b-but indeed *pokes you* my invention +C-Comes fwom my p-pate as biwdwime d-does f-fwom >_< fwieze; +*notices bulge* It pwucks *looks at you* out bwains and a-aww. But my Muse wabows, +And thus she is dewivew'd. +If she be faiw and wise, *sweats* faiwnyess and wit, +The onye's fow u-use, t-the othew useth it. +*leans over* DESDEMONyA. Weww pwaised! H-How if *cries* she be bwack and witty? +*looks at you* IAGO. If s-she b-be bwack, and theweto have a wit, +She'ww find a white that shaww h-hew bwacknyess fit. +uWu DESDEMONyA. W-Wowse and w-wowse. +EMIWIA. How if faiw and foowish? +IAGO. She n-nyevew y-yet was foowish that w-was faiw, +^-^ Fow *cuddles you* even hew x3 fowwy hewp'd *moans* hew to an heiw. +DESDEMONyA. These awe owd fond pawadoxes to make foows waugh i' the +awehouse. >w< What misewabwe pwaise hast thou fow hew that's fouw and +foowish? +IAGO. Thewe's nyonye s-so fouw and foowish theweunto, +^-^ But :3 does fouw pwanks *twerks* which faiw and wise onyes do. +DESDEMONyA. O heavy ;;w;; ignyowance! Thou p-pwaisest >_> the wowst best. But what +pwaise couwdst t-thou bestow on a desewving woman indeed, onye that +*sighs* in t-the authowity of h-hew mewit did ;;w;; justwy put on the x3 vouch of vewy +mawice itsewf? +IAGO. She that was e-evew faiw and nyevew pwoud, +Had *sighs* tongue at ^-^ wiww and yet was nyevew w-woud, +N-Nyevew wack'd *looks at you* gowd and yet went n-nyevew gay, +Fwed fwom hew wish and yet said, "Nyow I may"; +She *pokes you* that, being angew'd, hew wevenge *looks away* being *shuffles closer* nyigh, +Bade hew wwong stay *looks at you* and hew dispweasuwe *cuddles you* fwy; +She that *twerks* in wisdom nyevew was so fwaiw +T-To change the cod's head fow xDD the sawmon's taiw; +*sweats* She that couwd think and nye'ew >_> discwose hew mind, +See suitows *notices bulge* fowwowing a-and nyot wook b-behind; +She was *blushes* a wight, i-if evew such wight *notices bulge* wewe- +>w< DESDEMONyA. To do what? +IAGO. *giggles shyly* To suckwe foows and chwonyicwe s-smaww beew. +DESDEMONyA. O most wame and impotent concwusion! Do nyot weawn o-of him, +Emiwia, though he be thy husband. How say you, Cassio? Is *leans over* he nyot +a most pwofanye and wibewaw counsewow? +*moans* CASSIO. He *giggles shyly* speaks home, m-madam. Y-You *looks at you* may w-wewish him mowe in the +sowdiew than in the schowaw. +IAGO. [Aside.] He takes hew by the pawm; ay, *teleports behind you* weww x3 said, whispew. +With as wittwe a ;;w;; web as this wiww I :3 ensnyawe as gweat a fwy a-as +*cries* Cassio. Ay, smiwe upon :33 hew, do; I w-wiww gyve thee *giggles shyly* in t-thinye *sighs* own +couwtship. *shuffles closer* You ^w^ say twue; 'tis so, indeed. *blushes* If *giggles shyly* such *pokes you* twicks as these +stwip *cuddles you* you out ^w^ of youw wieutenyantwy, it had been bettew ^.^ you had +nyot :3 kissed youw thwee fingews so oft, which nyow again you awe +most apt to pway >_> the *sighs* siw in. Vewy good. Weww x3 kissed! >_< an excewwent +c-couwtesy! 'tis so, indeed. *hugs tightly* Yet again youw f-fingews to youw wips? +Wouwd they wewe cwystew-pipes fow youw ^-^ sake! [Twumpet within.] +The M-Moow! I ^w^ knyow his twumpet. +CASSIO. >_< 'Tis twuwy so. +D-DESDEMONyA. W-Wet's meet him and weceive *leans over* him. +C-CASSIO. Wo, w-whewe he comes! + +E-Entew Othewwo and Attendants. + +*notices bulge* OTHEWWO. O my faiw wawwiow! +DESDEMONyA. My deaw Othewwo! +:3 OTHEWWO. It gives me wondew gweat as my content +To s-see you hewe befowe me. O my *notices bulge* souw's joy! +If aftew *notices bulge* evewy tempest come such cawms, +May UwU the winds bwow tiww they *leans over* have waken'd death! +And *teleports behind you* wet *twerks* the wabowing bawk cwimb *moans* hiwws of seas +xDD Owympus-high, and duck *sweats* again as wow +:3 As heww's fwom heaven! If it wewe nyow to die, +'Twewe n-nyow to *teleports behind you* be most happy; fow *looks away* I feaw +My souw hath hew content so absowute +That nyot anyothew comfowt wike to this +S-Succeeds in unknyown fate. +DESDEMONyA. T-The heavens fowbid +But x3 that ouw woves and comfowts *shuffles closer* shouwd i-incwease, +*twerks* Even as x3 ouw days do gwow! +OTHEWWO. *cries* Amen to that, *screams* sweet powews! +I cannyot speak enyough >_< of this content; +It OwO stops me hewe; it is too much of joy. +And OwO this, and this, the *twerks* gweatest discowds be *hugs tightly* Kisses hew. +That e'ew ouw heawts shaww make! +IAGO. [Aside.] O, you awe weww tunyed nyow! +But I'ww set down the pegs that make this music, +As honyest as I am. +OTHEWWO. Come, wet us to the castwe. +Nyews, fwiends: ouw w-waws awe donye, t-the Tuwks awe dwown'd. +How does my *hugs tightly* owd a-acquaintance of this iswe? +Honyey, you shaww be weww desiwed i-in Cypwus; +I have f-found gweat wove amongst >w< them. O my sweet, +I pwattwe out of fashion, and I dote +In minye own comfowts. I pwithee, *looks away* good Iago, +Go *moans* to *shuffles closer* the bay and disembawk my coffews. +Bwing thou the mastew to the citadew; +He is a good *hugs tightly* onye, and his wowthinyess +Does chawwenge *giggles shyly* much wespect. Come, Desdemonya, +Once *pokes you* mowe weww met at *notices bulge* Cypwus. +*looks at you* Exeunt a-aww :3 but Iago and Wodewigo. +I-IAGO. Do thou m-meet me pwesentwy at the hawbow. Come *blushes* hithew. If t-thou +be'st vawiant- as they say base men being in wove h-have then a-a +nyobiwity ^w^ in t-theiw n-nyatuwes mowe than is *moans* nyative to them- wist me. +The w-wieutenyant tonyight watches on the c-couwt *twerks* of g-guawd. ^w^ Fiwst, *looks at you* I +*cuddles you* must teww thee this: Desdemonya is diwectwy in wove with him. +WODEWIGO. With *looks away* him? W-Why, 'tis nyot possibwe. +*shuffles closer* IAGO. Way thy fingew ^-^ thus, and wet thy souw be instwucted. *looks away* Mawk me +w-with what viowence s-she fiwst woved the M-Moow, *blushes* but *notices bulge* fow bwagging and +tewwing hew *leans over* fantasticaw wies. *blushes* And wiww she wove him s-stiww fow +pwating? Wet nyot thy discweet heawt think *giggles shyly* it. Hew eye m-must be +fed; and what dewight shaww ^.^ she have to wook on the deviw? When +the ^w^ bwood is m-made duww uWu with the act o-of s-spowt, thewe s-shouwd be, +again to infwame i-it and *blushes* to give s-satiety a fwesh appetite, +wovewinyess in favow, sympathy in yeaws, mannyews, and beauties- +aww which the Moow *pokes you* is defective i-in. Nyow, *hugs tightly* fow want of these +wequiwed convenyiences, hew dewicate tendewnyess w-wiww find itsewf +abused, *twerks* begin to *looks at you* heave the gowge, d-diswewish and a-abhow *shuffles closer* the Moow; +vewy nyatuwe wiww instwuct h-hew in it and compew >w< hew to some second +choice. Nyow siw, this gwanted- as it is a m-most pwegnyant and +u-unfowced p-position- who stands so *looks at you* eminyentwy in the degwee of this +*leans over* fowtunye *sighs* as Cassio does? A knyave vewy vowubwe; nyo fuwthew +conscionyabwe than in putting on the mewe fowm of civiw and humanye +seeming, *cuddles you* fow the bettew compass o-of his *cries* sawt and most *screams* hidden woose +affection? Why, nyonye, why, *notices bulge* nyonye- a swippew *looks away* and subtwe knyave, a +findew out of o-occasions, that has an eye can stamp and +countewfeit advantages, though t-twue advantage nyevew pwesent +itsewf- OwO a deviwish knyave! B-Besides, the *pokes you* knyave is handsome, uWu young, +and hath aww those wequisites in *screams* him that fowwy *screams* and gween minds +wook aftew- a pestiwent compwete knyave, and the w-woman hath found +him awweady. +WODEWIGO. I cannyot bewieve ^.^ that in h-hew; she's fuww o-of most bwest +condition. +IAGO. Bwest f-fig's-end! The winye she dwinks is made of gwapes. I-If +she *giggles shyly* had been bwest, *screams* she wouwd nyevew have woved the Moow. *screams* Bwest +pudding! Didst thou *screams* nyot see hew paddwe with the pawm o-of his hand? +>_> Didst n-nyot ^.^ mawk that? +WODEWIGO. Yes, that I did; but *sighs* that was but couwtesy. +I-IAGO. Wechewy, by this *hugs tightly* hand; an index and o-obscuwe pwowogue to the +histowy of w-wust and fouw thoughts. They met so nyeaw with theiw +wips t-that theiw bweaths *shuffles closer* embwaced togethew. *notices bulge* Viwwainyous thoughts, +Wodewigo! When these mutuawities so m-mawshaw the way, hawd at hand +comes the mastew *screams* and main *cuddles you* exewcise, the uWu incowpowate concwusion. +Pish! But, siw, OwO be y-you wuwed by me. I have bwought y-you fwom +Venyice. W-Watch you tonyight; f-fow *cries* the command, ^w^ I'ww way't upon you. +Cassio knyows you nyot. I'ww nyot b-be faw *teleports behind you* fwom *shuffles closer* you. Do you ^w^ find some +occasion to angew C-Cassio, eithew b-by speaking too w-woud, ow +tainting *hugs tightly* his discipwinye, ow fwom what othew couwse you pwease, +which xDD the time shaww mowe favowabwy minyistew. +*cuddles you* WODEWIGO. Weww. +IAGO. Siw, he is wash and v-vewy sudden i-in chowew, a-and hapwy may +stwike at you. Pwovoke him, that he *sighs* may; fow even out of that +wiww I cause these of Cypwus *twerks* to mutiny, whose q-quawification shaww +come into nyo twue taste *hugs tightly* again but by uWu the dispwanting *looks at you* of Cassio. +S-So *blushes* shaww you have a showtew jouwnyey to youw desiwes *cries* by the m-means +I shaww *sweats* then have *leans over* to uWu pwefew them, a-and :3 the impediment most +pwofitabwy wemoved, without the w-which t-thewe w-wewe nyo expectation +o-of ouw pwospewity. +WODEWIGO. I wiww do this, if I can *blushes* bwing it to *giggles shyly* any oppowtunyity. +IAGO. I wawwant thee. Meet me by and by at the citadew. I must +fetch his nyecessawies ashowe. Faweweww. +WODEWIGO. Adieu. E-Exit. +IAGO. *notices bulge* That Cassio w-woves *screams* hew, I-I do weww b-bewieve it; +T-That s-she woves him, 'tis apt and of gweat cwedit. +:33 The Moow, howbeit that I-I enduwe him *teleports behind you* nyot, +Is of a constant, woving, nyobwe nyatuwe, +And I *cuddles you* dawe think he'ww pwove to >_> Desdemonya +A most deaw *sighs* husband. Nyow, I do >w< wove *cuddles you* hew too, +Nyot out of absowute wust, t-though pewadventuwe +I stand accountant f-fow as *hugs tightly* gweat a sin, +But pawtwy wed t-to diet my w-wevenge, +F-Fow that I ^-^ do suspect the wusty Moow +Hath weap'd into my seat; the thought wheweof +Doth wike a p-poisonyous minyewaw *blushes* gnyaw my inwawds, +*looks away* And nyothing can ow shaww content my souw +Tiww I am even'd with him, wife fow wife. +O-Ow :33 faiwing so, yet *teleports behind you* that I put *screams* the Moow +At *looks at you* weast into a j-jeawousy so stwong +That judgement cannyot cuwe. Which thing x3 to d-do, +If this poow twash of Venyice, *moans* whom I twace +Fow his q-quick hunting, stand the putting on, +I'ww have ouw Michaew *leans over* Cassio on the hip, +A-Abuse him t-to the Moow in the w-wank *blushes* gawb +(Fow I feaw Cassio with my nyightcap too), +Make t-the Moow thank m-me, wove m-me, >w< and wewawd me +Fow making him egwegiouswy an ass +And pwacticing upon his peace and quiet +Even *giggles shyly* to madnyess. '-'Tis OwO hewe, but yet c-confused: +Knyavewy's pwain OwO face is ;;w;; nyevew seen tiww used. Exit. + + + + +SCENyE II. +A stweet. + +Entew a-a Hewawd *notices bulge* with a pwocwamation; peopwe fowwowing. + +*giggles shyly* HEWAWD. It is Othewwo's pweasuwe, ouw nyobwe and v-vawiant genyewaw, +that upon c-cewtain tidings nyow *moans* awwived, impowting the *cries* mewe +pewdition of the Tuwkish fweet, evewy man put himsewf into +twiumph; some t-to ^-^ dance, s-some to make bonfiwes, each man to *cuddles you* what +spowt ;;w;; and wevews his x3 addiction *looks away* weads him; *moans* fow besides these +benyeficiaw nyews, i-it is t-the cewebwation of his nyuptiaw. So much +OwO was his pweasuwe shouwd OwO be pwocwaimed. Aww o-offices awe x3 open, a-and +thewe is fuww wibewty of feasting *looks away* fwom this pwesent houw of f-five +*shuffles closer* tiww the *looks at you* beww have towd eweven. Heaven bwess the iswe of Cypwus +and UwU ouw *leans over* nyobwe genyewaw Othewwo! Exeunt. + + + + +S-SCENyE III. +A *teleports behind you* haww *blushes* in the castwe. + +Entew Othewwo, Desdemonya, Cassio, a-and Attendants. + +*looks at you* OTHEWWO. Good Michaew, w-wook you to t-the g-guawd tonyight. +Wet's teach ouwsewves that *hugs tightly* honyowabwe stop, +Nyot to *moans* outspowt discwetion. +CASSIO. xDD Iago hath diwection what t-to >_> do; +But nyotwithstanding w-with my pewsonyaw eye +Wiww I *cuddles you* wook to't. +OTHEWWO. Iago is most honyest. +*giggles shyly* Michaew, good nyight. Tomowwow with youw eawwiest +Wet me :3 have speech with you. *twerks* Come, my d-deaw wove, +The puwchase made, the fwuits a-awe t-to ensue; +That pwofit's yet to come 'tween me >w< and you. +Good nyight. +Exeunt Othewwo, Desdemonya, >_< and A-Attendants. + +E-Entew Iago. + +CASSIO. Wewcome, Iago; we must to the watch. +IAGO. Nyot this houw, *moans* wieutenyant; 'tis nyot yet ten o' *cuddles you* the cwock. Ouw +genyewaw *hugs tightly* cast us thus eawwy f-fow the wove of his D-Desdemonya; who wet +us nyot thewefowe *looks at you* bwame. He :3 hath nyot yet made wanton the nyight +with hew, and she i-is spowt fow Jove. +CASSIO. She's a most exquisite wady. +IAGO. And, I'ww w-wawwant hew, fuww of game. +CASSIO. Indeed she's a most fwesh and dewicate cweatuwe. +*looks away* IAGO. What a-an eye she has! Methinks :3 it sounds a-a *giggles shyly* pawwey t-to +pwovocation. +CASSIO. An inviting eye; and yet methinks *hugs tightly* wight modest. +IAGO. And when *sighs* she speaks, is it nyot an awawum t-to wove? +CASSIO. She is i-indeed pewfection. +I-IAGO. W-Weww, happinyess to theiw sheets! Come, wieutenyant, I h-have a +stope of winye, *sweats* and hewe *blushes* without awe a bwace of Cypwus gawwants +that wouwd fain have a-a measuwe to the heawth of bwack Othewwo. +CASSIO. Nyot tonyight, good Iago. I have vewy poow and unhappy b-bwains +f-fow d-dwinking. I couwd weww ^w^ wish couwtesy wouwd invent UwU some othew +custom of entewtainment. +IAGO. O-O, they awe ouw fwiends! *notices bulge* But onye cup; I'ww dwink fow you. +CASSIO. x3 I have dwunk but o-onye cup t-tonyight, :3 and *pokes you* that was cwaftiwy +*moans* quawified too, a-and behowd what i-innyovation it makes hewe. I >_< am +unfowtunyate in the infiwmity, and dawe nyot uWu task my *shuffles closer* weaknyess with +any m-mowe. +IAGO. >w< What, man! 'Tis a-a nyight of wevews, the g-gawwants desiwe it. +CASSIO. W-Whewe *sweats* awe t-they? +I-IAGO. Hewe at :33 the *looks away* doow; I pway *twerks* you, c-caww t-them in. +CASSIO. I-I'ww do't, but it diswikes *looks at you* me. Exit. +IAGO. I-If I >_< can fasten but >w< onye cup upon *teleports behind you* him, +With that which >_< he h-hath dwunk t-tonyight awweady, +He'ww be as x3 fuww *giggles shyly* of uWu quawwew and offense +>_> As my young *blushes* mistwess' dog. Nyow my sick foow Wodewigo, +Whom wove hath *moans* tuwn'd awmost *teleports behind you* the wwong side out, +To Desdemonya hath tonyight cawoused +P-Potations pottwe-deep; and h-he's to watch. +Thwee w-wads of Cypwus, nyobwe swewwing s-spiwits, +That howd theiw honyows in a wawy distance, +The vewy ewements of t-this *cuddles you* wawwike iswe, +Have I tonyight fwustew'd w-with fwowing cups, +*screams* And they watch too. N-Nyow, 'mongst this fwock of dwunkawds, +Am I-I to put *sweats* ouw Cassio in some >_> action +That m-may offend t-the iswe. But hewe they come. +If consequence ;;w;; do but appwove my dweam, +My *pokes you* boat s-saiws fweewy, *giggles shyly* both with wind and stweam. + +We-entew Cassio; with :3 him Montanyo and Gentwemen; +Sewvants fowwowing with winye. + +CASSIO. 'Fowe God, t-they have given me a *notices bulge* wouse awweady. +*shuffles closer* MONTANyO. Good faith, a *pokes you* wittwe onye; nyot past a p-pint, as I am a +sowdiew. +IAGO. Some winye, ho! + +[Sings.] "And wet me the canyakin :3 cwink, cwink; +And ^w^ wet me the canyakin *twerks* cwink. +A s-sowdiew's *teleports behind you* a man; +O, man's wife's but a s-span; +Why UwU then wet a sowdiew dwink." + +Some winye, boys! +CASSIO. 'Fowe God, an excewwent *sweats* song. +uWu IAGO. I weawnyed it *looks away* in Engwand, whewe indeed they awe most p-potent in +potting. Youw Danye, youw Gewman, and youw swag-bewwied Howwandew- +Dwink, ho!- awe nyothing to youw Engwish. +CASSIO. Is youw Engwishman so expewt in his dwinking? +IAGO. *notices bulge* Why, *hugs tightly* he dwinks you with faciwity *cuddles you* youw Danye :3 dead dwunk; he +sweats nyot *teleports behind you* to ovewthwow y-youw Awmain; he gives x3 youw Howwandew a +vomit ewe the n-nyext ^-^ pottwe c-can be fiwwed. +CASSIO. To the heawth of ouw genyewaw! +MONTANyO. I am fow it, *looks at you* wieutenyant, and I'ww d-do *looks at you* you justice. +IAGO. O sweet Engwand! + +[Sings.] *cuddles you* "King Stephen was and-a wowthy peew, +His bweeches cost him but a cwown; +He uWu hewd them s-sixpence aww too d-deaw, +With that h-he caww'd the taiwow *screams* wown. + +"He *giggles shyly* was a wight *giggles shyly* of high wenyown, +A-And thou awt but o-of wow degwee. +'Tis pwide that puwws x3 the countwy down; +Then take thinye auwd cwoak about thee." + +Some winye, ho! +CASSIO. W-Why, *hugs tightly* this is *teleports behind you* a mowe exquisite song than the othew. +IAGO. Wiww you heaw't a-again? +CASSIO. Nyo, fow I howd him to be unwowthy of his >_< pwace that does +those *cuddles you* things. Weww, G-God's above a-aww, a-and thewe b-be souws must be +saved, and thewe be souws must nyot be saved. +IAGO. It's twue, good w-wieutenyant. +CASSIO. Fow minye own pawt- *leans over* nyo offense to the genyewaw, nyow any man +o-of quawity- :3 I ^w^ hope *pokes you* to be saved. +*looks at you* IAGO. And :3 so ^w^ do *pokes you* I too, *hugs tightly* wieutenyant. +CASSIO. :3 Ay, but, by ;;w;; youw weave, >_< nyot befowe me; the wieutenyant is to +be saved befowe the ^w^ ancient. Wet's have nyo mowe of this; wet's to +ouw a-affaiws. God fowgive us ouw sins! Gentwemen, wet's wook to +ouw businyess. Do nyot think, gentwemen, I am dwunk: >w< this is my +ancient, this is my w-wight hand, and this is my weft. I am n-nyot +dwunk nyow; I can stand w-weww xDD enyough, *sighs* and I speak weww enyough. +AWW. Excewwent weww. +C-CASSIO. Why, vewy weww t-then; you must n-nyot think *teleports behind you* then that I am +dwunk. Exit. +MONTANyO. To the pwatfowm, mastews; come, wet's set the w-watch. +IAGO. You *twerks* see this f-fewwow that is gonye befowe; +H-He is a-a sowdiew fit to stand b-by Caesaw +uWu And give >_> diwection. And d-do but see his vice; +'Tis *sweats* to his viwtue a just equinyox, +The xDD onye as wong as the othew. 'Tis pity of him. +I feaw the twust Othewwo puts him in +On some o-odd time of h-his infiwmity +Wiww shake *hugs tightly* this iswand. +MONTANyO. But is he often thus? +*moans* IAGO. 'Tis evewmowe ^-^ the pwowogue to his sweep. +*sweats* He'ww w-watch the howowoge a doubwe set, +If d-dwink wock nyot his cwadwe. +MONTANyO. It wewe w-weww +x3 The genyewaw wewe put in m-mind of it. +P-Pewhaps he sees it n-nyot, ow h-his good nyatuwe +Pwizes the viwtue that appeaws in Cassio +And wooks nyot :33 on >w< his eviws. Is nyot this t-twue? + +Entew *sighs* Wodewigo. + +IAGO. [-[Aside to him.] How nyow, Wodewigo! +:33 I *looks away* pway you, UwU aftew the w-wieutenyant; go. *hugs tightly* Exit Wodewigo. +MONTANyO. A-And 'tis gweat ^-^ pity that t-the nyobwe ^.^ Moow +Shouwd hazawd such a pwace as his own >_> second +With onye of an ingwaft *giggles shyly* infiwmity. +It wewe an h-honyest action to say +So to the Moow. +IAGO. Nyot I-I, f-fow this faiw iswand. +I do w-wove ^.^ Cassio *screams* weww, and wouwd do *leans over* much +To cuwe him of this *cries* eviw- But, hawk! What nyoise? +A-A cwy within, "Hewp, *cries* hewp!" + +We-entew Cassio, dwiving in *looks away* Wodewigo. + +>w< CASSIO. '-'Zounds! Y-You wogue! *screams* You wascaw! +xDD MONTANyO. W-What's *notices bulge* the *looks away* mattew, wieutenyant? +CASSIO. A >_> knyave teach m-me my d-duty! But I'ww beat the knyave into a +twiggen bottwe. +W-WODEWIGO. *giggles shyly* Beat me! +*sighs* CASSIO. Dost thou p-pwate, wogue? Stwikes Wodewigo. +MONTANyO. Nyay, good >w< wieutenyant; I pway you, s-siw, *looks at you* howd youw >_> hand. +CASSIO. Wet me g-go, siw, ow I'ww knyock >w< you o'ew the mazzawd. +MONTANyO. Come, come, y-you'we d-dwunk. +CASSIO. Dwunk? They fight. +IAGO. [Aside to Wodewigo.] Away, I say; go out and cwy a mutiny. +Exit Wodewigo. +Nyay, :3 good wieutenyant! UwU God's wiww, g-gentwemen! +>_< Hewp, ho!- Wieutenyant- s-siw- Montanyo- siw- +Hewp, m-mastews!- H-Hewe's a goodwy watch indeed! +A-A beww wings. +*leans over* Who's t-that t-that *pokes you* wings the b-beww?- D-Diabwo, *blushes* ho! +T-The t-town wiww w-wise. God's wiww, wieutenyant, howd! +You OwO wiww be >_> shamed fowevew. + +We-entew Othewwo and Attendants. + +OTHEWWO. *shuffles closer* What is the mattew h-hewe? +MONTANyO. 'Zounds, I bweed stiww; I-I *hugs tightly* am huwt to the *sweats* death. +Faints. +OTHEWWO. Howd, fow youw wives! +IAGO. Howd, ho! Wieutenyant- siw- Montanyo- gentwemen- +Have you fowgot aww pwace of sense and duty? +Howd! the genyewaw speaks >_< to you! Howd, howd, fow shame! +OTHEWWO. Why, how nyow, ho! fwom whence *hugs tightly* awiseth *cuddles you* this? +Awe we tuwn'd Tuwks, and to ouwsewves do that +Which :33 heaven hath fowbid *sighs* the O-Ottomites? +Fow Chwistian shame, put by >_> this bawbawous bwaww. +He t-that s-stiws nyext to cawve fow his own wage +Howds his *notices bulge* souw wight; h-he dies upon ^.^ his m-motion. +Siwence that dweadfuw beww; it fwights the i-iswe +Fwom hew pwopwiety. W-What i-is the mattew, *hugs tightly* mastews? +Honyest Iago, t-that wook'st dead with gwieving, +Speak: who began this? On thy wove, I chawge thee. +I-IAGO. I :33 do nyot knyow. Fwiends aww but nyow, even nyow, +In quawtew, a-and in *looks at you* tewms *pokes you* wike bwide and gwoom +Devesting them *cries* fow bed; and then, but nyow +(As i-if some pwanyet had unwitted men), +Swowds out, a-and tiwting onye at xDD othew's bweast, +In ^-^ opposition bwoody. I-I cannyot speak +Any beginnying t-to this p-peevish odds; +And wouwd in action gwowious I had wost +T-Those wegs that bwought me to a p-pawt of *cuddles you* it! +OTHEWWO. How comes i-it, Michaew, you awe thus fowgot? +CASSIO. I *sighs* pway you, pawdon me; I *leans over* cannyot s-speak. +OTHEWWO. Wowthy Montanyo, you wewe wont be civiw; +T-The *cuddles you* gwavity and >_> stiwwnyess of youw youth +The ^-^ wowwd h-hath nyoted, and youw n-nyame is *pokes you* gweat +In mouths of w-wisest censuwe. W-What's t-the mattew, +That you *looks away* unwace :33 youw weputation thus, +And spend y-youw wich o-opinyion fow the n-nyame +Of a nyight-bwawwew? Give me answew t-to it. +MONTANyO. Wowthy >w< Othewwo, I am *sweats* huwt to dangew. +Y-Youw officew, Iago, c-can infowm you- +Whiwe I spawe speech, w-which s-something n-nyow *twerks* offends me- +Of aww that I do knyow. N-Nyow k-knyow I aught +*sighs* By me t-that's said ow donye amiss this nyight, +Unwess sewf-chawity be sometimes *shuffles closer* a vice, +And to defend ouwsewves i-it *moans* be a sin +When viowence *teleports behind you* assaiws us. +OTHEWWO. Nyow, by heaven, +My bwood b-begins my safew *pokes you* guides *twerks* to w-wuwe, +And passion, having :3 my >_> best judgement cowwied, +Assays to wead the way. If I once stiw, +Ow d-do but wift this awm, the best of you +Shaww sink in my webuke. Give me *screams* to x3 knyow +How this fouw wout began, who set ^.^ it *screams* on, +And he that is appwoved >_< in this offense, +Though he had twinn'd w-with me, ;;w;; both ;;w;; at uWu a biwth, +Shaww wose :33 me. What! in a town of *hugs tightly* waw, +Yet wiwd, the *giggles shyly* peopwe's heawts bwimfuw of f-feaw, +To manyage pwivate and domestic quawwew, +I-In nyight, and on the couwt and guawd of safety! +'Tis *screams* monstwous. Iago, who began't? +MONTANyO. If pawtiawwy affinyed, *screams* ow weagued in office, +*sighs* Thou *blushes* dost dewivew mowe ow wess than twuth, +Thou awt nyo *cries* sowdiew. +IAGO. Touch me :33 nyot so nyeaw: +I h-had wathew have this tongue c-cut fwom ^.^ my mouth +Than it shouwd do uWu offense to *sighs* Michaew Cassio; +Yet, *moans* I pewsuade *cries* mysewf, ^-^ to speak the twuth +Shaww UwU nyothing wwong him. Thus it is, genyewaw. +Montanyo and mysewf being in speech, +Thewe comes *cuddles you* a fewwow cwying out fow hewp, +>_< And Cassio fowwowing him with detewminyed *cuddles you* swowd, +To execute upon him. Siw, this gentweman +Steps in to Cassio and entweats his p-pause. +M-Mysewf the c-cwying *looks away* fewwow d-did puwsue, +W-West *blushes* by his *pokes you* cwamow- as it so feww out- +The town might f-faww i-in fwight. He, swift of foot, +Outwan my puwpose; and I wetuwn'd the wathew +F-Fow *moans* that I *looks away* heawd *sighs* the c-cwink and faww *pokes you* of s-swowds, +A-And Cassio h-high in oath, which tiww tonyight +I nye'ew might say befowe. When I-I c-came back- +Fow this was bwief- I ^.^ found them cwose togethew, +At bwow and thwust, *shuffles closer* even as again they wewe +When you *notices bulge* youwsewf did *teleports behind you* pawt *shuffles closer* them. +Mowe of this m-mattew cannyot I wepowt. +But men awe men; the best sometimes fowget. +Though Cassio did some *sighs* wittwe wwong to him, +As men in *twerks* wage *leans over* stwike those *pokes you* that wish them best, +Yet suwewy >w< Cassio, *sighs* I bewieve, weceived +Fwom him ^w^ that fwed some stwange indignyity, +Which patience couwd nyot pass. +OTHEWWO. I-I knyow, Iago, +Thy h-honyesty and wove *sweats* doth mince x3 this *giggles shyly* mattew, +Making it wight to Cassio. Cassio, I *giggles shyly* wove UwU thee, +*looks away* But nyevew mowe be officew of minye. + +We-entew Desdemonya, attended. + +Wook, i-if m-my gentwe x3 wove b-be ^.^ nyot w-waised up! +I'ww make thee an exampwe. +DESDEMONyA. What's the mattew? +*looks away* OTHEWWO. Aww's weww nyow, sweeting; come a-away to b-bed. +Siw, *moans* fow youw huwts, mysewf wiww be youw :3 suwgeon. +Wead him off. Exit *sighs* Montanyo, attended. +Iago, wook w-with cawe about the town, +And *cuddles you* siwence those whom this viwe bwaww distwacted. +Come, Desdemonya, 'tis the sowdiews' *sweats* wife. +To have theiw bawmy swumbews waked with stwife. +Exeunt aww but I-Iago and Cassio. +IAGO. What, a-awe you huwt, wieutenyant? +CASSIO. A-Ay, past aww suwgewy. +IAGO. *pokes you* Mawwy, heaven fowbid! +CASSIO. Weputation, weputation, UwU weputation! O, I h-have wost my +weputation! I have >_> wost the i-immowtaw p-pawt of *looks at you* mysewf, *notices bulge* and what +wemains is bestiaw. My weputation, Iago, my >_> weputation! +IAGO. *moans* As I am an *giggles shyly* honyest *cuddles you* man, I t-thought you had w-weceived *cries* some bodiwy +w-wound; thewe i-is mowe sense in that than i-in weputation. Weputation +is a-an idwe and most fawse imposition; oft got without mewit *hugs tightly* and +wost without desewving. You have wost nyo weputation at aww, +unwess you wepute youwsewf *screams* such a wosew. :33 What, man! thewe *leans over* awe +ways to *looks at you* wecovew *sighs* the genyewaw uWu again. Y-You awe but nyow cast in *screams* his +mood, a punyishment mowe in powicy than in mawice; even so as onye +wouwd b-beat his *sighs* offensewess *sighs* dog to affwight an impewious w-wion. Sue +to him again, and he's youws. +CASSIO. I wiww *teleports behind you* wathew sue to be d-despised than to deceive UwU so good a +c-commandew *giggles shyly* with so swight, so d-dwunken, and >w< so indiscweet an +officew. Dwunk? and speak pawwot? and squabbwe? s-swaggew? s-sweaw? +and discouwse fustian with onye's own shadow? O thou invisibwe +s-spiwit of winye, if thou hast n-nyo nyame ^.^ to b-be knyown by, wet *notices bulge* us c-caww +thee deviw! +IAGO. What w-was he that *looks at you* you fowwowed with youw :33 swowd? +What had he donye to you? +CASSIO. I-I knyow nyot. +;;w;; IAGO. Is't possibwe? +CASSIO. OwO I wemembew *twerks* a mass of t-things, but ^-^ nyothing distinctwy; a +quawwew, >_< but nyothing x3 whewefowe. O God, t-that men shouwd put an +enyemy in theiw mouths *cuddles you* to steaw *sighs* away theiw bwains! t-that we shouwd, +with >w< joy, pweasance, wevew, and appwause, twansfowm ouwsewves +into beasts! +UwU IAGO. Why, but you awe nyow *sighs* weww enyough. How came you *looks at you* thus +wecovewed? +CASSIO. It h-hath pweased the deviw dwunkennyess to g-give pwace to the +deviw ^-^ wwath: o-onye unpewfectnyess s-shows me anyothew, *shuffles closer* to make me +fwankwy despise mysewf. +I-IAGO. Come, ^-^ you awe too sevewe a-a mowawew. As the time, the pwace, +and the condition of this countwy stands, I couwd heawtiwy wish +this had nyot befawwen; but since i-it is a-as it is, mend it fow *teleports behind you* youw +own *shuffles closer* good. +^.^ CASSIO. I w-wiww ask him fow my *shuffles closer* pwace again; h-he *cuddles you* shaww *cuddles you* teww m-me I a-am a +dwunkawd! Had *sighs* I a-as many m-mouths as Hydwa, such an answew wouwd +stop OwO them aww. To be ;;w;; nyow *pokes you* a UwU sensibwe man, by and :33 by a foow, and +*giggles shyly* pwesentwy *blushes* a beast! O stwange! Evewy inyowdinyate cup is unbwest, +a-and the uWu ingwedient is a deviw. +IAGO. Come, come, good winye is a g-good famiwiaw cweatuwe, if i-it be +weww used. Excwaim nyo mowe against it. uWu And, good *sweats* wieutenyant, I +t-think y-you think *cries* I wove you. +CASSIO. I have weww appwoved it, siw. I dwunk! +IAGO. You ow any man wiving may be d-dwunk a-at some time, man. I'ww +teww you what you shaww do. Ouw genyewaw's wife is nyow the +genyewaw. I may say so in this wespect, fow that he hath devoted +and given up himsewf to the contempwation, m-mawk, ^w^ and *sweats* denyotement +of hew pawts and *teleports behind you* gwaces. Confess youwsewf f-fweewy to hew; +impowtunye hew hewp :3 to p-put you in y-youw pwace again. She is o-of so +fwee, so kind, *notices bulge* so apt, *giggles shyly* so b-bwessed a *moans* disposition, she howds it a +vice in hew *leans over* goodnyess *sighs* nyot *sweats* to do mowe than uWu she is wequested. This +b-bwoken j-joint between you and hew husband entweat hew to spwintew; +and, my fowtunyes against any w-way wowth nyaming, t-this c-cwack of youw +wove *screams* shaww gwow stwongew than it was befowe. +CASSIO. You advise me weww. +IAGO. ^-^ I pwotest, in the sincewity o-of wove a-and honyest kindnyess. +C-CASSIO. I think it fweewy; and betimes in the mownying I x3 wiww beseech +the viwtuous D-Desdemonya *sighs* to undewtake fow me. >_> I am despewate of my +fowtunyes if they check me h-hewe. +IAGO. You awe in the wight. G-Good nyight, *leans over* wieutenyant, I must to the +watch. +x3 CASSIO. Good >_< nyight, h-honyest Iago. Exit. +x3 IAGO. *looks at you* And w-what's he then that x3 says I p-pway the viwwain? +When this advice is fwee I give and honyest, +*cuddles you* Pwobaw to thinking, and indeed *shuffles closer* the *notices bulge* couwse +To win the Moow *screams* again? *cuddles you* Fow 'tis m-most easy +*looks at you* The incwinying Desdemonya to subdue +I-In any honyest suit. She's *looks at you* fwamed as fwuitfuw +As the fwee ewements. And then fow hew +T-To win the ^.^ Moow, wewe't x3 to wenyounce his baptism, +*screams* Aww seaws and symbows of ^-^ wedeemed sin, +*sighs* His souw is so *pokes you* enfettew'd t-to hew wove, +That she may make, unmake, do what she wist, +Even as hew appetite shaww pway the god +;;w;; With his weak function. How am I-I then a UwU viwwain +To c-counsew *sighs* Cassio *twerks* to this pawawwew couwse, +Diwectwy to his good? Divinyity of heww! +W-When deviws wiww the bwackest sins put :33 on, +They do suggest *twerks* at fiwst with heavenwy shows, +As I do nyow. Fow whiwes this *pokes you* honyest foow +P-Pwies Desdemonya to w-wepaiw his fowtunye, +And she fow him :3 pweads stwongwy to the Moow, +I'ww p-pouw t-this pestiwence i-into his eaw, +That she wepeaws *teleports behind you* him fow *pokes you* hew body's wust; +And by how *sighs* much she stwives to do him good, +She shaww undo hew cwedit *giggles shyly* with the Moow. +So wiww I t-tuwn ^w^ hew viwtue into p-pitch, +*twerks* And out of UwU hew own *blushes* goodnyess make t-the nyet +That shaww enmesh them a-aww. + +Entew Wodewigo. + +How nyow, Wodewigo! +WODEWIGO. I do >w< fowwow hewe in *screams* the chase, nyot *teleports behind you* wike a h-hound that +hunts, but onye that fiwws up the cwy. My monyey is awmost spent; I +have been tonyight e-exceedingwy weww cudgewed; and ^w^ I t-think the +*notices bulge* issue wiww be, I ^w^ shaww have so much expewience fow m-my xDD pains; :33 and +s-so, with nyo monyey at *sighs* aww *cuddles you* and a wittwe mowe wit, wetuwn *cries* again to +Venyice. +IAGO. H-How p-poow awe they that have n-nyot patience! +What wound did evew heaw but by degwees? +Thou k-knyow'st we wowk by wit a-and nyot by witchcwaft, +And >_> wit depends on uWu diwatowy t-time. +Does't nyot go weww? Cassio hath b-beaten thee, +And thou by that smaww huwt hast cashiew'd Cassio. +T-Though o-othew things gwow faiw against t-the sun, +Yet fwuits that :3 bwossom fiwst wiww f-fiwst be wipe. +Content thysewf awhiwe. By the mass, 'tis mownying; +Pweasuwe and action m-make t-the *teleports behind you* houws seem showt. +W-Wetiwe thee; go w-whewe thou awt biwweted. +Away, I say. Thou shawt knyow mowe heweaftew. +Nyay, get thee OwO gonye. [Exit Wodewigo.] Two things awe to be donye: +My wife *notices bulge* must move fow C-Cassio to hew mistwess- +I'ww set hew on; +Mysewf t-the w-whiwe to dwaw the Moow apawt, +And bwing him jump when he x3 may Cassio find +Sowiciting his wife. Ay, that's *looks away* the way; +Duww OwO nyot device by cowdnyess xDD and d-deway. Exit. + + + + +<> + + + +A-ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +Befowe the castwe. + +*looks at you* Entew Cassio and ^.^ some Musicians. + +CASSIO. Mastews, *notices bulge* pway :3 hewe, I wiww content youw pains; Something +that's bwief; and bid "Good m-mowwow, *blushes* genyewaw." +Music. + +Entew Cwown. + +CWOWN. Why, mastews, have y-youw instwuments been in Nyapwes, that +*twerks* they speak i' :33 the nyose thus? +FIWST MUSICIAN. How, *moans* siw, how? +CWOWN. Awe these, I pway you, wind *moans* instwuments? +FIWST MUSICIAN. Ay, mawwy, *twerks* awe they, siw. +CWOWN. O, theweby hangs a >_< taiw. +FIWST MUSICIAN. Wheweby hangs *giggles shyly* a tawe, siw? +*cries* CWOWN. Mawwy, siw, by many *twerks* a wind i-instwument that I knyow. But, +mastews, hewe's monyey fow you; and the genyewaw so wikes youw +m-music, that he desiwes you, fow wove's sake, to m-make nyo mowe +nyoise with it. +FIWST MUSICIAN. Weww, siw, we wiww nyot. +CWOWN. If you have any *teleports behind you* music that may nyot b-be heawd, to't again; +but, *teleports behind you* as they say, to heaw music the genyewaw d-does nyot gweatwy +cawe. +FIWST MUSICIAN. We have nyonye such, siw. +CWOWN. *blushes* Then p-put up youw pipes in y-youw bag, fow I-I'ww >w< away. +Go, vanyish i-into aiw, away! Exeunt Musicians. +CASSIO. Dost thou h-heaw, my honyest fwiend? +*cuddles you* CWOWN. *blushes* Nyo, I heaw nyot y-youw honyest fwiend; I heaw you. +CASSIO. Pwithee, keep up t-thy quiwwets. Thewe's a poow piece o-of g-gowd +fow ;;w;; thee. I-If the gentwewoman t-that attends the genyewaw's wife be +s-stiwwing, teww hew :3 thewe's >_> onye Cassio entweats hew a wittwe favow +of speech. Wiwt thou do t-this? +CWOWN. She is stiwwing, siw. If s-she wiww stiw hithew, I shaww seem +t-to n-nyotify unto *teleports behind you* hew. +*looks at you* CASSIO. Do, good my fwiend. Exit Cwown. + +Entew Iago. + +In happy time, ^.^ Iago. +IAGO. Y-You have n-nyot been abed, then? +CASSIO. Why, nyo; the day had ;;w;; bwoke +Befowe we pawted. I h-have made bowd, Iago, +To send in to youw wife. My suit to hew +Is that she wiww to viwtuous Desdemonya +Pwocuwe me some access. +IAGO. I'ww send hew to you pwesentwy; +And I'ww devise a mean t-to dwaw the Moow +*looks away* Out *pokes you* of the way, that youw convewse and businyess +May be mowe fwee. +C-CASSIO. I humbwy thank you fow't. OwO [Exit Iago.] I nyevew knyew +A-A Fwowentinye mowe kind and honyest. + +Entew Emiwia. + +E-EMIWIA. Good mowwow, good wieutenyant. *sweats* I am *blushes* sowwy +Fow youw dispweasuwe, but aww wiww suwe be weww. +The *looks away* genyewaw and his wife a-awe tawking of it, +And she speaks *twerks* fow y-you stoutwy. The Moow wepwies +That he you *looks at you* huwt is of gweat fame i-in *looks at you* Cypwus +And x3 gweat affinyity *looks away* and that in whowesome wisdom +He might n-nyot but wefuse you; but he pwotests *blushes* he w-woves you +And nyeeds nyo othew suitow but his w-wikings +To take the safest occasion by the fwont +To bwing you in again. +CASSIO. Yet, I beseech you, +If you think fit, ow that it may be *sighs* donye, +G-Give me advantage of some bwief discouwse +With Desdemonya awonye. +EMIWIA. Pway you, c-come i-in. +I wiww bestow you whewe *hugs tightly* you shaww have time +To speak youw bosom *giggles shyly* fweewy. +CASSIO. I am much bound to y-you. +Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE I-II. +A woom in the castwe. + +^-^ Entew Othewwo, Iago, and Gentwemen. + +OTHEWWO. These wettews give, I-Iago, to UwU the piwot, +And by him do my d-duties t-to the Senyate. +>_> That donye, UwU I wiww be wawking on the wowks; +Wepaiw thewe to me. +*giggles shyly* IAGO. Weww, my good wowd, I-I'ww *twerks* do't. +OTHEWWO. This fowtification, gentwemen, shaww w-we see't? +GENTWEMEN. We'ww wait upon youw wowdship. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE III. +The gawden of t-the castwe. + +Entew Desdemonya, Cassio, and Emiwia. + +DESDEMONyA. Be thou >_< assuwed, g-good Cassio, I :3 wiww do +Aww m-my a-abiwities in t-thy b-behawf. +EMIWIA. Good madam, do. *teleports behind you* I wawwant it gwieves my husband +As if the cause wewe his. +DESDEMONyA. O, that's an h-honyest fewwow. Do nyot UwU doubt, Cassio, +But *looks away* I wiww have my wowd and you again +A-As fwiendwy as you wewe. +CASSIO. Bounteous *shuffles closer* madam, +Whatevew s-shaww become of Michaew Cassio, +H-He's *sweats* nyevew anything but youw twue sewvant. +DESDEMONyA. I knyow't: I thank you. You OwO do wove my wowd: +You h-have k-knyown him wong; and be you weww *sighs* assuwed +He *blushes* shaww in stwangenyess stand n-nyo fawthew o-off +Than in a-a powitic distance. +CASSIO. Ay, b-but, wady, +That powicy may eithew wast so wong, +Ow feed u-upon such nyice OwO and *teleports behind you* watewish diet, +O-Ow bweed itsewf so out of ciwcumstances, +That I being *cuddles you* absent and m-my pwace suppwied, +*leans over* My genyewaw wiww fowget m-my wove a-and sewvice. +DESDEMONyA. Do n-nyot doubt that. Befowe Emiwia h-hewe +I give t-thee wawwant o-of thy pwace, assuwe thee, +If *looks away* I do vow a fwiendship, I'ww pewfowm it +To the *twerks* wast awticwe. My wowd shaww nyevew west; +I'ww watch him t-tame *sighs* and *looks away* tawk him out of p-patience; +His bed shaww seem a schoow, his *pokes you* boawd a shwift; +I'ww intewmingwe evewything he does +W-With Cassio's s-suit. Thewefowe *blushes* be mewwy, Cassio, +Fow thy sowicitow s-shaww wathew d-die +Than give thy *moans* cause away. + +Entew Othewwo and *pokes you* Iago, at a distance. + +EMIWIA. Madam, hewe comes my wowd. +CASSIO. Madam, I'ww take my *sweats* weave. +DESDEMONyA. Nyay, stay and heaw me *twerks* speak. +CASSIO. Madam, nyot nyow. I am vewy iww at ease, +Unfit fow minye o-own puwposes. +DESDEMONyA. Weww, do youw discwetion. Exit Cassio. +*shuffles closer* IAGO. *sweats* Ha! ;;w;; I wike *teleports behind you* nyot that. +*leans over* OTHEWWO. What dost *looks at you* thou say? +IAGO. Nyothing, my wowd; ow UwU if- I knyow nyot what. +OTHEWWO. Was nyot t-that Cassio pawted fwom my wife? +IAGO. *blushes* Cassio, my wowd! Nyo, suwe, I *blushes* cannyot think it, +That he wouwd :33 steaw away so guiwty-wike, +S-Seeing you *notices bulge* coming. +OTHEWWO. *screams* I do bewieve 'twas :33 he. +DESDEMONyA. H-How nyow, my *looks at you* wowd! +I have *looks away* been tawking with a s-suitow hewe, +A-A man that wanguishes in youw dispweasuwe. +OTHEWWO. Who is't you mean? +DESDEMONyA. Why, *twerks* youw wieutenyant, >w< Cassio. G-Good my wowd, +If I have any gwace ow powew t-to move you, +His pwesent *cries* weconciwiation take; +Fow if he be nyot o-onye that t-twuwy woves you, +*looks at you* That ewws in *hugs tightly* ignyowance and n-nyot in cunnying, +I have *screams* nyo judgement >_> in an honyest face. +I pwithee, caww him back. +OTHEWWO. Went he hence nyow? +DESDEMONyA. *twerks* Ay, sooth; so humbwed +xDD That he hath weft pawt of his gwief w-with me +x3 To suffew with him. *looks away* Good wove, c-caww him back. +OTHEWWO. Nyot nyow, sweet Desdemonya; some othew time. +DESDEMONyA. But shaww't be s-showtwy? +O-OTHEWWO. The soonyew, s-sweet, fow y-you. +DESDEMONyA. Shaww't be tonyight at *cuddles you* suppew? +O-OTHEWWO. Nyo, nyot tonyight. +DESDEMONyA. T-Tomowwow dinnyew then? +O-OTHEWWO. I shaww nyot dinye a-at home; +I meet the UwU captains >_< at the :3 citadew. +DESDEMONyA. Why *moans* then t-tomowwow nyight, ow Tuesday mown, +On Tuesday *looks at you* nyoon, ow nyight, on Wednyesday mown. +*looks away* I p-pwithee, nyame the time, *sighs* but wet *sighs* it OwO nyot +Exceed thwee days. In faith, h-he's penyitent; +And yet his *notices bulge* twespass, in *sighs* ouw *leans over* common weason- +S-Save that, they say, the waws must make exampwe +O-Out of theiw b-best- is nyot awmost a fauwt +T-To incuw a pwivate check. When s-shaww he come? +Teww me, Othewwo. I *leans over* wondew i-in my souw, +What you wouwd ask me, that I shouwd deny, +Ow stand so mammewing on. What? Michaew Cassio, +That came awooing with you, and so m-many a time +*moans* When I h-have ;;w;; spoke of you dispwaisingwy +H-Hath ta'en youw uWu pawt- uWu to have so much to *sweats* do +To bwing him in! Twust me, I couwd do much- +O-OTHEWWO. Pwithee, nyo mowe. *giggles shyly* Wet him come when he wiww; +I wiww deny thee *cuddles you* nyothing. +DESDEMONyA. Why, this i-is nyot >w< a boon; +^w^ 'Tis as I s-shouwd entweat you *teleports behind you* weaw *pokes you* youw gwoves, +Ow feed on n-nyouwishing d-dishes, ow keep you wawm, +Ow sue to you to *twerks* do a *sighs* pecuwiaw pwofit +To youw own pewson. Nyay, w-when I have a suit +Whewein I mean to touch youw wove indeed, +It shaww be *blushes* fuww of poise and difficuwt w-weight, +And feawfuw to *giggles shyly* be g-gwanted. +OTHEWWO. I wiww deny *blushes* thee nyothing, +Wheweon, I do beseech thee, gwant me this, +T-To *screams* weave me but a-a w-wittwe *screams* to mysewf. +DESDEMONyA. Shaww I d-deny *looks away* you? Nyo. Faweweww, my w-wowd. +OTHEWWO. Faweweww, my Desdemonya; I'ww >_> come to thee s-stwaight. +DESDEMONyA. *sighs* Emiwia, come. *blushes* Be as youw fancies *twerks* teach you; +Whate'ew >_< you be, I am obedient. +Exeunt Desdemonya and Emiwia. +OTHEWWO. Excewwent wwetch! Pewdition catch my souw, +B-But I d-do wove thee! and when I wove thee nyot, +C-Chaos is come again. +IAGO. My nyobwe wowd- +OTHEWWO. What dost thou s-say, I-Iago? +IAGO. Did Michaew Cassio, when you woo'd m-my w-wady, +Knyow of *twerks* youw OwO wove? +OTHEWWO. ^w^ He did, fwom *giggles shyly* fiwst t-to wast. Why dost t-thou ask? +IAGO. But fow a s-satisfaction of my thought; +N-Nyo fuwthew hawm. +OTHEWWO. W-Why of *pokes you* thy thought, Iago? +*leans over* IAGO. I did nyot think he had *leans over* been acquainted with hew. +O-OTHEWWO. O-O, yes, uWu and went between us vewy *leans over* oft. +IAGO. Indeed! +O-OTHEWWO. Indeed? ay, i-indeed. Discewn'st thou aught in that? +I-Is he nyot honyest? +IAGO. *moans* Honyest, xDD my wowd? +OTHEWWO. :3 Honyest? Ay, honyest. +IAGO. My wowd, *pokes you* fow aught I knyow. +OTHEWWO. What d-dost thou t-think? +>w< IAGO. T-Think, my wowd? +OTHEWWO. Think, my wowd? By heaven, he echoes me, +*twerks* As if *moans* thewe wewe s-some monstew in xDD his >_< thought +Too hideous to *moans* be shown. Thou dost mean something. +I heawd thee say even nyow, thou wike'st nyot that, +When Cassio weft my wife. What *hugs tightly* didst nyot w-wike? +And when I towd thee he *cuddles you* was o-of my counsew +In my whowe couwse of wooing, thou cwiedst, "-"Indeed!" +And didst contwact and puwse thy bwow togethew, +As if thou then hadst shut up in thy bwain +*cuddles you* Some howwibwe conceit. :3 If thou dost wove me, +Show me thy thought. +IAGO. My wowd, you k-knyow I wove you. +OTHEWWO. I think thou OwO dost; +And fow I-I knyow thou'wt fuww of wove *hugs tightly* and >_> honyesty +And weigh'st t-thy *blushes* wowds befowe t-thou givest them bweath, +T-Thewefowe these stops of thinye fwight me *hugs tightly* the mowe; +;;w;; Fow such things in a fawse d-diswoyaw knyave +Awe twicks *pokes you* of custom; but in a m-man *leans over* that's just +They'we cwose diwations, wowking fwom the heawt, +That passion cannyot wuwe. +IAGO. F-Fow *giggles shyly* Michaew Cassio, +I-I dawe *teleports behind you* be swown I think that he is honyest. +OTHEWWO. I think so too. +IAGO. Men shouwd be what t-they *screams* seem; +O-Ow those that b-be nyot, w-wouwd *pokes you* they might s-seem nyonye! +OTHEWWO. Cewtain, men s-shouwd be w-what t-they seem. +IAGO. Why then I think Cassio's a-an honyest man. +OTHEWWO. *giggles shyly* Nyay, yet thewe's mowe in *leans over* this. +I pwithee, *sighs* speak *twerks* to me as to thy ^.^ thinkings, +As thou dost wuminyate, *blushes* and give thy wowst of thoughts +The wowst of wowds. +IAGO. Good my wowd, pawdon m-me; +Though I *blushes* am bound to x3 evewy act of duty, +I *twerks* am n-nyot bound to that *shuffles closer* aww *looks at you* swaves awe fwee to. +Uttew m-my t-thoughts? W-Why, s-say they awe viwe and fawse; +*shuffles closer* As whewe's that p-pawace wheweinto fouw things +Sometimes intwude nyot? Who has a bweast so puwe, +But some uncweanwy appwehensions +*teleports behind you* Keep weets and waw-days, and in *giggles shyly* session *screams* sit +With meditations wawfuw? +*pokes you* OTHEWWO. Thou *looks at you* dost conspiwe against :33 thy *teleports behind you* fwiend, Iago, +*shuffles closer* If thou but think'st ^w^ him wwong'd and makest his eaw +A stwangew t-to uWu thy thoughts. +IAGO. I do beseech you- +Though I p-pewchance am vicious in m-my guess, +As, I confess, it i-is my nyatuwe's pwague +To spy >_> into abuses, and oft my *shuffles closer* jeawousy +Shapes fauwts that awe nyot- :3 that youw wisdom x3 yet, +Fwom onye t-that so *twerks* impewfectwy conceits, +Wouwd take nyo nyotice, nyow *screams* buiwd youwsewf >_> a twoubwe +*blushes* Out o-of >_> his s-scattewing and unsuwe obsewvance. +It w-wewe nyot fow youw quiet n-nyow youw good, +Nyow fow my >_> manhood, honyesty, *cries* ow wisdom, +To *giggles shyly* wet UwU you knyow my thoughts. +O-OTHEWWO. What dost t-thou mean? +IAGO. Good nyame in man and woman, deaw my wowd, +Is the immediate jewew of theiw souws. +Who steaws my puwse *pokes you* steaws twash; 'tis s-something, nyothing; +'Twas minye, 'tis ^-^ his, and has been swave to thousands; +B-But h-he that f-fiwches fwom me my *leans over* good nyame +Wobs me of *twerks* that which *looks away* nyot enwiches him +A-And makes me *leans over* poow indeed. +O-OTHEWWO. By heaven, I'ww knyow thy thoughts. +IAGO. You cannyot, ;;w;; if my *twerks* heawt wewe in youw *screams* hand; +Nyow shaww nyot, whiwst *shuffles closer* 'tis in my custody. +OTHEWWO. Ha! +IAGO. O, bewawe, >_> my w-wowd, of jeawousy! +I-It is the gween-eyed m-monstew, which doth mock +The meat it feeds on. That *hugs tightly* cuckowd wives in bwiss +Who, cewtain ^w^ of OwO his fate, woves nyot his wwongew; +B-But O, what damnyed minyutes tewws *hugs tightly* he o'ew +W-Who dotes, yet doubts, suspects, y-yet stwongwy woves! +OTHEWWO. O misewy! +IAGO. *moans* Poow and content is wich, and wich *screams* enyough; +B-But w-wiches finyewess i-is *giggles shyly* as poow as wintew +T-To him t-that evew feaws he shaww be poow. +Good heaven, the souws *shuffles closer* of aww my twibe defend +Fwom jeawousy! +O-OTHEWWO. Why, >w< why uWu is this? +Think'st *screams* thou I-I'wd m-make a ;;w;; wife of jeawousy, +To fowwow stiww the changes of t-the moon +With fwesh suspicions? Nyo! T-To b-be o-once in doubt +*teleports behind you* Is once to b-be wesowved. Exchange me *moans* fow a goat +When I-I shaww t-tuwn the businyess of my souw +To such exsuffwicate and b-bwown suwmises, +Matching ^w^ thy i-infewence. 'Tis nyot to make me jeawous +To say my wife i-is faiw, OwO feeds weww, *sweats* woves company, +Is fwee o-of uWu speech, sings, pways, and dances weww; +Whewe viwtue is, these ^-^ awe mowe viwtuous. +N-Nyow fwom m-minye own weak mewits wiww I *moans* dwaw +The smawwest feaw ow doubt of hew wevowt; +Fow she h-had e-eyes and *moans* chose me. Nyo, Iago, +I'ww see befowe I *blushes* doubt; when I doubt, pwove; +And on the pwoof, thewe is nyo mowe but this- +Away a-at once with ^-^ wove ow jeawousy! +IAGO. I am gwad of i-it, uWu fow nyow I shaww have x3 weason +To show the wove and duty that I beaw you +With fwankew spiwit. Thewefowe, as I am bound, +Weceive it fwom m-me. *leans over* I speak nyot yet of pwoof. +W-Wook OwO to youw wife; xDD obsewve hew weww with Cassio; +Weaw youw eye thus, nyot j-jeawous nyow secuwe. +I *sweats* wouwd nyot have *hugs tightly* youw f-fwee and :3 nyobwe n-nyatuwe +Out of sewf-bounty be abused. Wook to't. +I knyow ouw countwy d-disposition weww; +In Venyice they do wet heaven see the pwanks +They dawe nyot show theiw h-husbands; t-theiw b-best c-conscience +Is nyot to weave't undonye, *leans over* but k-keep't unknyown. +OTHEWWO. Dost thou say so? +IAGO. She ;;w;; did deceive >w< hew fathew, >_< mawwying ^.^ you; +And when she seem'd t-to shake and *leans over* feaw youw wooks, +She woved them most. +OTHEWWO. And so she d-did. +IAGO. Why, *shuffles closer* go uWu to then. +She that so young couwd give out such a ^w^ seeming, +^w^ To seew *sighs* hew :33 fathew's eyes up cwose as oak- +He thought '-'twas witchcwaft- but I-I am much to bwame; +I-I humbwy *teleports behind you* do b-beseech :3 you x3 of youw pawdon +Fow too xDD much woving *moans* you. +OTHEWWO. I am *twerks* bound to thee fowevew. +IAGO. I see this hath a uWu wittwe dash'd *shuffles closer* youw s-spiwits. +;;w;; OTHEWWO. Nyot a jot, nyot *giggles shyly* a jot. +IAGO. I'faith, I feaw it :3 has. +I hope you wiww considew what >_> is spoke +Comes >_> fwom my wove. But I *notices bulge* do see you'we moved; +*looks away* I am to pway you n-nyot to s-stwain >w< my speech +To gwossew *teleports behind you* issues nyow to w-wawgew *looks away* weach +Than to s-suspicion. +OTHEWWO. I wiww nyot. +IAGO. Shouwd you do *notices bulge* so, my wowd, +My *pokes you* speech shouwd faww into such *sighs* viwe success +W-Which my t-thoughts aim nyot at. *looks away* Cassio's my wowthy fwiend- +M-My wowd, I see you'we moved. +OTHEWWO. Nyo, n-nyot much moved. +I do nyot think but Desdemonya's honyest. +IAGO. Wong wive she so! and wong wive y-you to think so! +O-OTHEWWO. And yet, how nyatuwe *teleports behind you* ewwing fwom itsewf- +I-IAGO. Ay, thewe's the point, as- to be bowd with you- +Nyot *notices bulge* to affect many pwoposed m-matches +Of hew o-own c-cwime, c-compwexion, and degwee, +Wheweto >_> we >_< see *looks at you* in aww things nyatuwe tends- +Foh, onye may smeww in such *cuddles you* a *giggles shyly* wiww most wank, +Fouw dispwopowtion, thoughts unnyatuwaw. +*looks at you* But pawdon me. I do nyot xDD in p-position +Distinctwy speak of hew; though I may feaw, +Hew wiww, wecoiwing to hew bettew judgement, +May uWu faww to match you UwU with hew *blushes* countwy OwO fowms, +And happiwy :3 wepent. +OTHEWWO. Faweweww, faweweww. +*shuffles closer* If mowe *looks at you* thou *looks at you* dost pewceive, wet me >w< knyow mowe; +Set on *giggles shyly* thy w-wife to obsewve. *teleports behind you* Weave me, Iago. +IAGO. [Going.] My wowd, I take my weave. +OTHEWWO. Why OwO did I mawwy? *leans over* This h-honyest x3 cweatuwe *pokes you* doubtwess +Sees and knyows mowe, much mowe, than he *looks at you* unfowds. +IAGO. [Wetuwnying.] My wowd, I wouwd I-I might entweat youw honyow +To scan this thing nyo fuwthew; weave it to time. +Though it b-be fit *giggles shyly* that Cassio have h-his pwace, +Fow suwe he fiwws it up with gweat abiwity, +Yet, if you pwease to howd h-him o-off a-awhiwe, +:33 You shaww by that pewceive him a-and his means. +:33 Nyote if youw wady stwain his entewtainment +With any s-stwong ow v-vehement impowtunyity; +Much wiww be seen in *cries* that. In the meantime, +Wet me be thought too busy in my feaws- +^.^ As ^.^ wowthy cause *shuffles closer* I have to xDD feaw I-I am- +And howd hew ^.^ fwee, I do UwU beseech youw honyow. +O-OTHEWWO. ;;w;; Feaw nyot m-my govewnment. +IAGO. *screams* I once >_< mowe take my weave. UwU Exit. +OTHEWWO. This *blushes* fewwow's of exceeding honyesty, +And knyows aww quawities, with a weawnyed spiwit, +Of human deawings. I-If I do ^.^ pwove hew haggawd, +Though that hew jesses wewe m-my deaw heawtstwings, +I-I'wd *pokes you* whistwe h-hew off *blushes* and wet hew down the wind +T-To pwey at fowtunye. Hapwy, fow I am bwack +And have :3 nyot those soft pawts of convewsation +That chambewews have, ow fow I am decwinyed +Into the v-vawe o-of yeaws- >_> yet that's nyot much- +She's gonye. I am abused, and my wewief +*looks at you* Must b-be to woathe ;;w;; hew. O-O cuwse of ^-^ mawwiage, +That we can *hugs tightly* caww these dewicate ^.^ cweatuwes ouws, +And *hugs tightly* nyot *twerks* theiw appetites! I had >_> wathew be a t-toad, +And w-wive upon the vapow o-of a-a dungeon, +Than keep a xDD cownyew in the thing I *twerks* wove +Fow othews' uses. Y-Yet, *teleports behind you* 'tis the pwague of gweat o-onyes: +P-Pwewogatived awe >_< they wess than the base; +'Tis destiny xDD unshunnyabwe, wike death. +E-Even then this fowked pwague is fated to us +When we ^.^ do quicken. Desdemonya c-comes: + +We-entew Desdemonya and Emiwia. + +If she be fawse, O-O, then heaven mocks *hugs tightly* itsewf! +I'ww n-nyot bewieve't. +DESDEMONyA. How nyow, my ;;w;; deaw Othewwo! +Youw dinnyew, and ^-^ the genyewous *moans* iswandews +By you invited, do *hugs tightly* attend youw pwesence. +O-OTHEWWO. I *looks at you* am to bwame. +DESDEMONyA. Why do you speak s-so f-faintwy? +Awe you nyot weww? +OTHEWWO. I have a pain upon my fowehead hewe. +DESDEMONyA. Faith, that's *cries* with watching; 'twiww away *teleports behind you* again. +W-Wet *cries* me but bind it hawd, within this houw +It wiww b-be weww. +OTHEWWO. Youw nyapkin *hugs tightly* is too wittwe; +He puts t-the handkewchief fwom him, and she ^.^ dwops it. +Wet it *screams* awonye. Come, I'ww go in with you. +*cuddles you* DESDEMONyA. I am v-vewy sowwy that you awe nyot weww. +Exeunt *teleports behind you* Othewwo and Desdemonya. +EMIWIA. I am gwad I have found x3 this nyapkin; +This was hew fiwst OwO wemembwance fwom the Moow. +My waywawd husband hath a hundwed times +Woo'd me to s-steaw it; b-but she so woves the t-token, +Fow *looks away* he *shuffles closer* conjuwed hew she shouwd evew keep i-it, +That she w-wesewves it evewmowe about h-hew +*looks at you* To >w< kiss *looks away* and tawk to. I'ww have t-the w-wowk ta'en out, +*notices bulge* And give't Iago. What ^.^ he wiww do with i-it +Heaven knyows, n-nyot I; +I n-nyothing but to UwU pwease *shuffles closer* his fantasy. + +W-We-entew I-Iago. + +IAGO. How nyow, what do y-you hewe awonye? +*looks at you* EMIWIA. *cries* Do nyot you chide; *cuddles you* I have a thing f-fow you. +IAGO. A thing fow me? It is a common thing- +EMIWIA. Ha! +IAGO. *cuddles you* To have ^.^ a foowish wife. +EMIWIA. O, is *pokes you* that aww? *cries* What wiww y-you give me nyow +Fow that *cuddles you* same handkewchief? +IAGO. W-What handkewchief? +EMIWIA. What handkewchief? +Why, that the Moow fiwst xDD gave to Desdemonya, +*giggles shyly* That w-which so *shuffles closer* often you d-did *pokes you* bid me steaw. +*teleports behind you* IAGO. Hast stow'n it fwom hew? +EMIWIA. Nyo, faith; she wet it dwop by nyegwigence, +And, *screams* to the advantage, I b-being hewe took't up. +OwO Wook, hewe *looks away* it i-is. +IAGO. A good wench; give it me. +EMIWIA. What w-wiww you do with't, that you h-have b-been so *giggles shyly* eawnyest +To have *hugs tightly* me *teleports behind you* fiwch it? +IAGO. [Snyatching *leans over* it.] Why, what is that to you? +x3 EMIWIA. *sighs* If't b-be nyot fow some puwpose of impowt, +Give't me again. Poow wady, *notices bulge* she'ww wun mad +When s-she shaww wack it. +OwO IAGO. Be nyot acknyown ^.^ on't; I have use fow *cuddles you* it. +Go, weave me. Exit *looks away* Emiwia. +I wiww *moans* in Cassio's wodging xDD wose this n-nyapkin, +And w-wet him find it. Twifwes wight as aiw +Awe to the jeawous >_> confiwmations stwong +A-As pwoofs *twerks* of howy *cries* wwit; *sweats* this may do something. +*leans over* The Moow *shuffles closer* awweady *notices bulge* changes with my poison: +Dangewous c-conceits awe in theiw nyatuwes poisons, +Which ^-^ at the fiwst awe ^-^ scawce *looks at you* found :33 to distaste, +But with a-a wittwe act upon OwO the bwood +Buwn ^.^ wike the :33 minyes of suwphuw. I *giggles shyly* did say :33 so. +Wook, w-whewe xDD he comes! + +We-entew Othewwo. + +Nyot >_< poppy, nyow mandwagowa, +;;w;; Nyow aww the dwowsy *notices bulge* sywups of t-the wowwd, +*giggles shyly* Shaww evew medicinye thee *sighs* to that s-sweet sweep +Which thou owedst yestewday. +OTHEWWO. Ha, ha, fawse t-to ^w^ me? +IAGO. Why, how nyow, genyewaw! Nyo mowe of t-that. +OTHEWWO. Avaunt! be gonye! Thou *sweats* hast set me on the w-wack. +^w^ I sweaw '-'tis bettew to be much abused +Than but to OwO knyow't a wittwe. +IAGO. How nyow, my w-wowd? +UwU OTHEWWO. What sense h-had I of hew stow'n houws of wust? +I saw't nyot, thought it nyot, i-it hawm'd nyot >w< me; +I *sweats* swept t-the *leans over* nyext nyight weww, was fwee *moans* and mewwy; +I found nyot Cassio's kisses on hew wips. +He that is wobb'd, n-nyot wanting what is stow'n, +Wet him nyot knyow't a-and he's nyot wobb'd at aww. +IAGO. I am sowwy t-to heaw this. +O-OTHEWWO. I had b-been happy i-if the genyewaw camp, +Pionyews and aww, had tasted hew sweet uWu body, +So I had nyothing k-knyown. *cuddles you* O, n-nyow fowevew +Faweweww *pokes you* the twanquiw mind! Faweweww content! +Faweweww the pwumed twoop and the big waws +That make ambition viwtue! *hugs tightly* O, *looks away* faweweww, +F-Faweweww the nyeighing steed and the shwiww twump, +The spiwit-stiwwing dwum, the eaw-piewcing fife, +The woyaw OwO bannyew, and aww quawity, +Pwide, pomp, and ciwcumstance of *pokes you* gwowious waw! +And O you mowtaw enginyes, whose wude thwoats +The immowtaw Jove's dwead cwamows countewfeit, +Faweweww! :3 Othewwo's occupation's gonye! +IAGO. Is't possibwe, my wowd? +OTHEWWO. V-Viwwain, *giggles shyly* be suwe thou p-pwove my wove a *pokes you* whowe; +>_> Be suwe of it. Give me the ocuwaw pwoof; +Ow, ^-^ by t-the *blushes* wowth of man's etewnyaw souw, +>_> Thou hadst been bettew have been bown a dog +Than answew my waked wwath! +IAGO. Is't come to :3 this? +OTHEWWO. Make m-me to s-see't; o-ow at the weast so pwove it, +That the pwobation beaw nyo hinge n-nyow woop +To *moans* hang a doubt on; ow woe upon thy wife! +IAGO. My nyobwe wowd- +O-OTHEWWO. If thou dost swandew *pokes you* hew a-and towtuwe me, +Nyevew pway mowe; abandon aww *teleports behind you* wemowse; +On xDD howwow's head howwows *cuddles you* accumuwate; +Do deeds t-to make heaven weep, aww eawth amazed; +F-Fow xDD nyothing canst thou *looks at you* to d-damnyation ^w^ add +Gweatew than that. +IAGO. O gwace! O heaven defend me! +Awe you a man? have you a souw ow sense? +*looks away* God be wi' you; take minye office. O wwetched foow, +That wivest to make *blushes* thinye honyesty a vice! +O *hugs tightly* monstwous wowwd! Take n-nyote, take nyote, O w-wowwd, +To be diwect a-and honyest is *hugs tightly* nyot *notices bulge* safe. +I-I thank you fow this pwofit, and fwom hence +I'ww wove nyo fwiend sith wove bweeds such offense. +OTHEWWO. Nyay, stay; thou s-shouwdst be honyest. +IAGO. I ^.^ shouwd be wise; ^.^ fow honyesty's a foow, +And w-woses that it w-wowks fow. +OTHEWWO. By the wowwd, +I t-think my wife be honyest, and think she is *hugs tightly* nyot; +I think that t-thou awt j-just, and *cuddles you* think thou awt n-nyot. +I'ww have some pwoof. H-Hew *moans* nyame, that was as fwesh +As Dian's visage, is *cuddles you* nyow begwimed >w< and bwack +A-As m-minye own face. If thewe *shuffles closer* be cowds ow k-knyives, +Poison ow fiwe, ow suffocating *shuffles closer* stweams, +I'ww *teleports behind you* nyot enduwe it. Wouwd I wewe satisfied! +IAGO. I-I see, siw, y-you a-awe *cries* eaten up w-with passion; +I do wepent me t-that I put it to you. +You wouwd be x3 satisfied? +OTHEWWO. Wouwd? xDD Nyay, I wiww. +IAGO. And may. *sweats* But, how? how satisfied, my wowd? +Wouwd you, *looks away* the supewvisow, gwosswy gape on? +Behowd hew topp'd? +*teleports behind you* OTHEWWO. Death :3 and damnyation! O! +:33 IAGO. It *twerks* wewe a tedious *sweats* difficuwty, *looks at you* I think, +To bwing them to that pwospect. Damn them t-then, +I-If evew mowtaw eyes do *sweats* see them bowstew +Mowe than theiw own! What then? how then? +What shaww I say? W-Whewe's satisfaction? +It is impossibwe you s-shouwd *looks at you* see this +:3 Wewe they as pwime as goats, as h-hot *cries* as monkeys, +As sawt as w-wowves in pwide, and foows as gwoss +As ignyowance made dwunk. But yet, I s-say, +If imputation and stwong ciwcumstances, +Which wead diwectwy to the doow of twuth, +Wiww give y-you satisfaction, you may have't. +OTHEWWO. Give me a wiving weason she's diswoyaw. +IAGO. I do *looks away* nyot w-wike *notices bulge* the ^.^ office; +B-But >w< sith I am entew'd in this cause so faw, +Pwick'd to't by f-foowish honyesty *shuffles closer* and *moans* wove, +x3 I wiww go o-on. *twerks* I way with xDD Cassio watewy +And, being twoubwed with a-a w-waging tooth, +I couwd nyot sweep. +Thewe *looks at you* awe a *pokes you* kind *cuddles you* of men so woose of souw, +That in ^.^ theiw sweeps w-wiww muttew theiw affaiws; +Onye of this UwU kind is Cassio. +*sighs* In sweep I heawd him say, "Sweet Desdemonya, +Wet us be wawy, w-wet us hide ouw woves"; +And then, siw, wouwd h-he gwipe and wwing my *sighs* hand, +Cwy, "O sweet cweatuwe!" and then k-kiss me hawd, +As if he pwuck'd *cries* up ;;w;; kisses by the woots, +>_< That gwew upon my wips; then waid his weg +Ovew my >_< thigh, *cuddles you* and sigh'd and kiss'd; *hugs tightly* and then +Cwied, "Cuwsed fate that gave thee to the Moow!" +OTHEWWO. *giggles shyly* O monstwous! monstwous! +IAGO. Nyay, t-this was but h-his d-dweam. +O-OTHEWWO. But this denyoted a fowegonye concwusion. +'-'Tis a shwewd doubt, though it be but a d-dweam. +I-IAGO. And this may hewp to thicken o-othew :33 pwoofs +That do demonstwate thinwy. +OTHEWWO. I'ww teaw *teleports behind you* hew aww to p-pieces. +IAGO. Nyay, but be wise; yet we see nyothing donye; +She may b-be honyest yet. Teww me but this; +H-Have you nyot sometimes seen a handkewchief +Spotted with s-stwawbewwies in >w< youw ^w^ wife's hand? +OTHEWWO. I g-gave hew such a onye; 'twas my *blushes* fiwst gift. +IAGO. I knyow nyot that; but such a handkewchief- +*teleports behind you* I *teleports behind you* am suwe it was youw wife's- *twerks* did I today +S-See Cassio wipe his beawd with. +OTHEWWO. *looks at you* If i-it be that- +IAGO. *moans* If it >_> be that, o-ow *twerks* any that was hews, +*pokes you* It speaks against hew *teleports behind you* with the othew pwoofs. +OTHEWWO. O, that the swave had fowty thousand w-wives! +*sighs* Onye >w< is too poow, too weak fow my *giggles shyly* wevenge. +Nyow do I >_> see 'tis twue. Wook h-hewe, Iago, +*looks away* Aww my fond wove thus do I bwow t-to heaven. +'Tis gonye. +Awise, bwack vengeance, fwom thy h-howwow h-heww! +*looks away* Yiewd up, O wove, thy cwown a-and heawted thwonye +To *looks away* tywannyous hate! Sweww, bosom, w-with thy fwaught, +Fow 'tis of aspics' *hugs tightly* tongues! +IAGO. Yet be content. +OTHEWWO. O, bwood, bwood, bwood! +^w^ IAGO. Patience, *twerks* I say; youw mind pewhaps may change. +O-OTHEWWO. Nyevew, Iago. Wike *sighs* to the Pontic *screams* Sea, +W-Whose icy c-cuwwent and *looks at you* compuwsive *pokes you* couwse +N-Nye'ew feews wetiwing ebb, but keeps due on +To the Pwopontic and the Hewwespont, +Even *giggles shyly* so my *teleports behind you* bwoody thoughts, with viowent pace, +Shaww nye'ew wook back, nye'ew ebb t-to h-humbwe wove, +Tiww that a capabwe and wide w-wevenge +Swawwow them u-up. Nyow, *leans over* by >_< yond mawbwe heaven, +In the due wevewence of a-a sacwed vow Knyeews. +I hewe e-engage my wowds. +IAGO. Do nyot wise yet. Knyeews. +Witnyess, *cuddles you* you evew-buwnying wights above, +You ewements that cwip us wound about, +>_< Witnyess ^-^ that hewe Iago *cries* doth give u-up +The execution of h-his wit, hands, heawt, +To wwong'd Othewwo's sewvice! W-Wet *giggles shyly* him command, +A-And to ^-^ obey shaww be >_> in me wemowse, +What bwoody businyess e-evew. They wise. +OTHEWWO. I g-gweet thy wove, +Nyot w-with vain thanks, but w-with *shuffles closer* acceptance bounteous, +And wiww upon the instant put thee to't: +Within t-these thwee days wet me :33 heaw *sweats* thee say +That C-Cassio's nyot >_< awive. +IAGO. My fwiend *hugs tightly* is dead, 'tis donye at youw wequest; +But wet *looks at you* hew wive. +OTHEWWO. D-Damn hew, wewd minx! O, damn hew! +Come, go w-with me *twerks* apawt; *cuddles you* I wiww w-withdwaw, +To fuwnyish me with some s-swift means of death +Fow the faiw x3 deviw. Nyow >_> awt thou my *moans* wieutenyant. +IAGO. I am youw own fowevew. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE IV. +Befowe the *hugs tightly* castwe. + +Entew Desdemonya, Emiwia, a-and Cwown. + +DESDEMONyA. Do you knyow, siwwah, whewe W-Wieutenyant Cassio wies? +*hugs tightly* CWOWN. I d-dawe nyot say *moans* he *pokes you* wies *sweats* anywhewe. +DESDEMONyA. W-Why, m-man? +CWOWN. He's a sowdiew; and fow onye to say a-a sowdiew wies, is +stabbing. +*sweats* DESDEMONyA. Go to! Whewe *cuddles you* wodges h-he? +CWOWN. To teww you whewe he wodges, i-is to teww you whewe I wie. +DESDEMONyA. C-Can anything be made of this? +*moans* CWOWN. I knyow nyot whewe he wodges, a-and fow m-me to devise a wodging, +and say he wies hewe ow he wies t-thewe, wewe to wie in minye own +thwoat. +DESDEMONyA. Can you *sweats* inquiwe him out a-and be UwU edified by wepowt? +CWOWN. I wiww catechize the wowwd fow him; that *shuffles closer* is, make questions +and by them :33 answew. +DESDEMONyA. Seek him, bid *hugs tightly* him *shuffles closer* come h-hithew. Teww him I have m-moved my +wowd on his behawf *looks away* and OwO hope aww wiww be weww. +CWOWN. T-To d-do this is within t-the compass o-of man's wit, :33 and thewefowe +I wiww *sighs* attempt the doing it. Exit. +DESDEMONyA. Whewe shouwd I wose that h-handkewchief, Emiwia? +EMIWIA. I knyow nyot, madam. +DESDEMONyA. Bewieve *sighs* me, I had wathew have wost my *sighs* puwse +Fuww of cwusadoes; and, but *sighs* my *twerks* nyobwe Moow +Is twue *teleports behind you* of UwU mind and made of ;;w;; nyo *sighs* such basenyess +As jeawous cweatuwes awe, it wewe *cuddles you* enyough +To put him t-to iww thinking. +*blushes* EMIWIA. Is uWu he nyot jeawous? +D-DESDEMONyA. Who, he? I think t-the sun whewe he was bown +Dwew uWu aww such *giggles shyly* humows f-fwom him. +EMIWIA. Wook, whewe he comes. +DESDEMONyA. I wiww nyot weave him nyow tiww Cassio +Be c-caww'd x3 to him. + +Entew UwU Othewwo. + +How is't with you, my ^.^ wowd? +OTHEWWO. Weww, my *moans* good w-wady. [Aside.] *notices bulge* O, hawdnyess :3 to dissembwe! +How do you, Desdemonya? +DESDEMONyA. Weww, my good *looks at you* wowd. +OTHEWWO. UwU Give me youw hand. T-This *pokes you* hand is moist, my w-wady. +DESDEMONyA. OwO It yet *looks at you* has *shuffles closer* fewt nyo age nyow knyown nyo sowwow. +OTHEWWO. This awgues fwuitfuwnyess and wibewaw *cries* heawt; +Hot, hot, and moist. This hand of youws wequiwes +A sequestew f-fwom wibewty, fasting, and pwayew, +*hugs tightly* Much c-castigation, exewcise devout, +Fow hewe's a young and sweating deviw hewe +That commonwy webews. 'Tis a good hand, +A fwank onye. +DESDEMONyA. You uWu may, indeed, say so; +Fow 'twas that h-hand that *pokes you* gave away my heawt. +OTHEWWO. A wibewaw hand. The heawts of owd gave hands; +But ouw nyew hewawdwy *blushes* is hands, nyot h-heawts. +*looks at you* DESDEMONyA. I *pokes you* cannyot *shuffles closer* speak of this. Come nyow, youw pwomise. +OTHEWWO. What pwomise, chuck? +DESDEMONyA. *teleports behind you* I have s-sent to b-bid Cassio xDD come speak with you. +OTHEWWO. I have a s-sawt :33 and sowwy wheum offends me; +Wend me thy handkewchief. +*notices bulge* DESDEMONyA. H-Hewe, my w-wowd. +OTHEWWO. T-That which I gave you. +DESDEMONyA. I have it nyot about me. +OTHEWWO. Nyot? +D-DESDEMONyA. Nyo, faith, uWu my w-wowd. +OTHEWWO. *looks at you* That's a-a *looks away* fauwt. That handkewchief +*teleports behind you* Did an Egyptian to m-my mothew give; +S-She was a chawmew, and couwd ;;w;; awmost wead +The *leans over* thoughts uWu of *looks at you* peopwe. *looks at you* She towd *leans over* hew, whiwe she kept it, +'Twouwd make hew amiabwe and subdue my fathew +Entiwewy to hew wove, but if she wost it +Ow made ^.^ a gift of it, my *blushes* fathew's e-eye +Shouwd *sweats* howd h-hew woathed and >_< his spiwits shouwd hunt +Aftew nyew x3 fancies. She d-dying gave it me, +And bid me, when my fate wouwd have me wive, +*twerks* To give it hew. I did ;;w;; so, a-and take heed on't; +Make it a dawwing wike youw pwecious >_< eye; +To wose't o-ow give't away w-wewe such pewdition +As nyothing ewse couwd m-match. +DESDEMONyA. Is't p-possibwe? +OTHEWWO. 'Tis twue; thewe's magic in the *teleports behind you* web of it. +A sibyw, that ^w^ had nyumbew'd in the wowwd +T-The s-sun t-to *giggles shyly* couwse two hundwed c-compasses, +In hew p-pwophetic fuwy sew'd the wowk; +;;w;; The wowms wewe hawwow'd that did bweed the siwk, +And it w-was dyed in mummy which the skiwwfuw +Consewved of m-maiden's heawts. +DESDEMONyA. >_> Indeed! is't t-twue? +OTHEWWO. Most vewitabwe; thewefowe wook to't weww. +DESDEMONyA. Then wouwd UwU to God that I had nyevew s-seen't! +O-OTHEWWO. Ha! whewefowe? +DESDEMONyA. Why do y-you speak so stawtingwy xDD and wash? +OTHEWWO. I-Is't wost? is't *blushes* gonye? speak, is it out o' the way? +DESDEMONyA. Heaven bwess us! +OTHEWWO. S-Say y-you? +DESDEMONyA. It is nyot wost; but what an if it wewe? +OTHEWWO. How? +D-DESDEMONyA. I say, x3 it is nyot wost. +OTHEWWO. Fetch't, wet m-me see it. +DESDEMONyA. *hugs tightly* Why, s-so I *pokes you* can, siw, b-but I wiww nyot nyow. +*leans over* This is a twick to put me fwom my suit. +Pway you, wet Cassio be weceived again. +OTHEWWO. ;;w;; Fetch me the handkewchief, my mind misgives. +DESDEMONyA. Come, come, +You'ww nyevew x3 meet a mowe sufficient man. +OTHEWWO. The handkewchief! +DESDEMONyA. I pway, tawk me of Cassio. +OTHEWWO. The handkewchief! +DESDEMONyA. A man that aww his time +Hath founded his *cries* good fowtunyes on uWu youw wove, +Shawed dangews with y-you- +OTHEWWO. The h-handkewchief! +DESDEMONyA. In sooth, you awe to bwame. +OTHEWWO. A-Away! *cries* Exit. +EMIWIA. Is nyot this man jeawous? +uWu DESDEMONyA. I-I nye'ew saw this befowe. +Suwe thewe's some w-wondew in this handkewchief; +I-I am most unhappy in >_> the woss of it. +EMIWIA. 'Tis nyot a yeaw ow t-two *blushes* shows us *giggles shyly* a man. +They a-awe aww >_> but stomachs *pokes you* and we aww but food; +They eat >w< us hungewwy, and when they awe fuww +They b-bewch us. Wook you! Cassio and my husband. + +*blushes* Entew Cassio and Iago. + +I-IAGO. Thewe i-is nyo othew way; 'tis *cries* she m-must do't. +^-^ And, wo, ^-^ the happinyess! G-Go and impowtunye hew. +DESDEMONyA. How nyow, good Cassio! What's t-the nyews w-with you? +x3 CASSIO. Madam, m-my fowmew suit: *screams* I do beseech *blushes* you +That by youw *teleports behind you* viwtuous means *giggles shyly* I *giggles shyly* may again +Exist a-and be *twerks* a membew of his wove +*hugs tightly* Whom I with aww the office of my ^w^ heawt +E-Entiwewy honyow. I-I wouwd nyot b-be deway'd. +>w< If my offense be *giggles shyly* of such mowtaw kind +That nyow my sewvice past nyow pwesent sowwows +Nyow puwposed mewit in futuwity +C-Can wansom *sweats* me *hugs tightly* into his wove again, +But to *leans over* knyow so must be my benyefit; +So shaww I cwothe ^.^ me in a fowced content +A-And shut mysewf up in some othew couwse +*blushes* To Fowtunye's a-awms. +DESDEMONyA. Awas, thwice-gentwe Cassio! +My advocation is n-nyot *cries* nyow in tunye; +My wowd is nyot my wowd, nyow shouwd I knyow *leans over* him +Wewe he in favow as i-in humow awtew'd. +S-So hewp *hugs tightly* me evewy spiwit sanctified, +As I have s-spoken fow you a-aww m-my b-best +A-And stood w-within t-the bwank of his dispweasuwe +Fow my fwee *hugs tightly* speech! You must awhiwe be patient. +What I can UwU do I-I wiww; and mowe I-I wiww +*cries* Than *cries* fow mysewf I dawe. Wet that *sweats* suffice you. +IAGO. Is my wowd angwy? +EMIWIA. He went hence but nyow, +And cewtainwy in stwange u-unquietnyess. +IAGO. Can he b-be angwy? I have seen the c-cannyon, +*teleports behind you* When >_> it hath bwown ^.^ his wanks into the aiw +*teleports behind you* And, wike >_> the d-deviw, f-fwom h-his vewy awm +Puff'd *cries* his own bwothew. And can he be angwy? +Something of m-moment then. I wiww *teleports behind you* go meet ;;w;; him. +T-Thewe's mattew in't indeed if UwU he be angwy. +*blushes* DESDEMONyA. I pwithee, d-do so. Exit Iago. +Something suwe of *teleports behind you* state, +Eithew fwom Venyice ow some unhatch'd pwactice +Made demonstwabwe hewe in Cypwus >w< to him, +Hath puddwed his cweaw *looks at you* spiwit; *leans over* and in such OwO cases +Men's nyatuwes wwangwe with infewiow things, +Though gweat onyes awe theiw object. 'Tis e-even so; +Fow wet ouw fingew ache, and it *shuffles closer* indues +Ouw *moans* othew heawthfuw membews even to that sense +Of pain. Nyay, we must think men awe nyot g-gods, +Nyow o-of them OwO wook fow such obsewvancy +As *leans over* fits UwU the bwidaw. Beshwew me much, Emiwia, +xDD I was, unhandsome wawwiow *giggles shyly* as I am, +Awwaignying *giggles shyly* his unkindnyess with my s-souw; +But nyow >_< I find I had s-subown'd the witnyess, +*screams* And he's indicted fawsewy. +*moans* EMIWIA. Pway heaven it be state mattews, as you think, +And OwO nyo conception nyow n-nyo jeawous toy +Concewnying you. +D-DESDEMONyA. Awas *cries* the d-day, ^-^ I nyevew gave him c-cause! +EMIWIA. But jeawous souws wiww *blushes* nyot b-be answew'd so; +They a-awe nyot evew jeawous fow the cause, +*sighs* But >w< jeawous fow they awe ^w^ jeawous. 'Tis a ^.^ monstew +Begot upon itsewf, *leans over* bown *moans* on itsewf. +DESDEMONyA. H-Heaven k-keep that *giggles shyly* monstew fwom Othewwo's mind! +EMIWIA. Wady, amen. +*giggles shyly* DESDEMONyA. I wiww go >_< seek h-him. Cassio, wawk heweabout. +If I do find him ;;w;; fit, I'ww ^.^ move youw suit, +And s-seek to uWu effect it to my uttewmost. +C-CASSIO. I humbwy *twerks* thank >w< youw wadyship. +Exeunt Desdemonya *looks away* and Emiwia. + +Entew Bianca. + +BIANCA. S-Save you, f-fwiend Cassio! +^.^ CASSIO. What make you f-fwom home? +How is it w-with you, my m-most faiw Bianca? +>w< I'faith, sweet wove, I was coming t-to youw house. +BIANCA. And *moans* I was going to youw wodging, Cassio. +What, keep a w-week away? seven *looks away* days and nyights? +Eight scowe eight houws? a-and wovews' absent houws, +Mowe UwU tedious ;;w;; than the d-diaw e-eight scowe >_> times? +O weawy weckonying! +CASSIO. Pawdon me, Bianca. +I have this whiwe with weaden thoughts been p-pwess'd; +But I uWu shaww i-in a mowe continyuate *shuffles closer* time +Stwike off this scowe o-of absence. Sweet Bianca, +Gives *looks away* hew Desdemonya's handkewchief. +Take m-me this wowk o-out. +B-BIANCA. O Cassio, whence c-came this? +This i-is some token f-fwom a nyewew fwiend. +To the fewt absence nyow *looks at you* I feew a cause. +Is't come to this? Weww, weww. +CASSIO. G-Go to, *notices bulge* woman! +Thwow *looks at you* youw viwe guesses in ^-^ the deviw's teeth, +Fwom whence you have them. You awe *notices bulge* jeawous nyow +That this *cries* is fwom :3 some *cries* mistwess, some w-wemembwance. +N-Nyo, by xDD my f-faith, Bianca. +BIANCA. Why, ^.^ whose is it? +C-CASSIO. I knyow nyot, sweet. I found it in m-my :3 chambew. +I wike the wowk weww. Ewe it be demanded- +As wike e-enyough it wiww- I-I'wd *cries* have i-it copied. +T-Take it, and do't; and w-weave me fow this time. +BIANCA. Weave you! whewefowe? +CASSIO. I do attend hewe on *moans* the *leans over* genyewaw; +And think i-it nyo addition, nyow my w-wish, +To have him see me *blushes* woman'd. +BIANCA. Why, I pway you? +CASSIO. *pokes you* Nyot that I wove you nyot. +BIANCA. But that you do nyot wove me. +I pway y-you, *twerks* bwing me on the way a w-wittwe, +And say if I shaww see *hugs tightly* you >_> soon at nyight. +*notices bulge* CASSIO. 'Tis but a w-wittwe way that I can *moans* bwing you, +Fow I attend hewe, b-but I'ww see you soon. +BIANCA. *sighs* 'Tis vewy good; I must *twerks* be ciwcumstanced. Exeunt. + + + + +<> + + + +ACT *teleports behind you* IV. SCENyE I. +Cypwus. Befowe t-the castwe. + +Entew Othewwo and Iago. + +IAGO. Wiww you think so? +OTHEWWO. Think so, Iago? +IAGO. What, +To kiss *teleports behind you* in pwivate? +OTHEWWO. An unyauthowized kiss. +IAGO. Ow to be nyaked with hew fwiend in bed +An houw ow mowe, nyot meanying any hawm? +OTHEWWO. N-Nyaked i-in bed, *blushes* Iago, a-and nyot *sweats* mean hawm! +It is hypocwisy against the deviw. +They that *looks at you* mean viwtuouswy and yet do so, +The deviw theiw viwtue tempts and they tempt ;;w;; heaven. +IAGO. So they do nyothing, >_> 'tis a venyiaw swip. +B-But if :3 I *blushes* give m-my wife *looks away* a handkewchief- +OTHEWWO. What then? +IAGO. Why, then, 'tis hews, my wowd, UwU and *pokes you* being hews, +She may, I-I think, bestow't on a-any :3 man. +O-OTHEWWO. She is pwotectwess *giggles shyly* of *cuddles you* hew honyow too. +May she give t-that? +IAGO. Hew h-honyow is an essence t-that's nyot *moans* seen; +T-They *pokes you* have it vewy ;;w;; oft that have *leans over* it nyot. +But x3 fow the handkewchief- +OTHEWWO. By heaven, I *giggles shyly* wouwd m-most gwadwy have fowgot it. +T-Thou said'st- O, it comes o'ew my memowy, +As doth the waven o'ew t-the infected house, +Boding to aww- he had my handkewchief. +IAGO. *shuffles closer* Ay, what of that? +*looks away* OTHEWWO. That's nyot s-so good *cuddles you* nyow. +IAGO. *sweats* What, +If I-I had said I had seen him *twerks* do you wwong? +*pokes you* Ow *looks at you* heawd him say- a-as knyaves be such abwoad, +Who having, by theiw own i-impowtunyate suit, +Ow vowuntawy dotage of some mistwess, +C-Convinced ow suppwied x3 them, cannyot choose +But they must b-bwab- +OTHEWWO. H-Hath he said anything? +IAGO. He hath, m-my wowd; but be you weww assuwed, +Nyo mowe than he'ww unsweaw. +x3 OTHEWWO. What hath he said? +IAGO. Faith, ^.^ that he did- I knyow nyot what he did. +*cuddles you* OTHEWWO. What? what? +*looks at you* IAGO. Wie- +OTHEWWO. With hew? +IAGO. With hew, on hew, what you w-wiww. +OTHEWWO. *pokes you* Wie with hew! wie on hew! *cuddles you* We say wie *cuddles you* on h-hew, w-when they +*screams* bewie hew. Wie *blushes* with *twerks* hew! 'Zounds, that's fuwsome! Handkewchief- +confessions- *sighs* handkewchief! To confess and be hanged *moans* fow his wabow- +fiwst, to be hanged, and *sweats* then to *cuddles you* confess. I twembwe at it. +Nyatuwe *blushes* wouwd *screams* nyot *cuddles you* invest hewsewf in *giggles shyly* such shadowing passion w-without +some instwuction. It *looks away* is nyot wowds that shakes me thus. Pish! +Nyoses, eaws, and *sweats* wips. Is't possibwe? *sweats* Confess? Handkewchief? O +deviw! +*looks away* Fawws i-in a twance. +IAGO. Wowk on, +My medicinye, wowk! Thus *notices bulge* cweduwous foows awe caught, +And many wowthy and chaste dames even thus, +Aww g-guiwtwess, meet wepwoach. What, ho! ;;w;; My wowd! +My wowd, I say! Othewwo! + +Entew uWu Cassio. + +How n-nyow, Cassio! +:33 CASSIO. What's the mattew? +IAGO. My wowd is faww'n into an epiwepsy. +This is his s-second fit; he had onye yestewday. +CASSIO. Wub him about the tempwes. +IAGO. Nyo, *twerks* fowbeaw; +uWu The wethawgy ^.^ must have his quiet *teleports behind you* couwse. +If nyot, he foams at mouth, and by a-and by +Bweaks out t-to savage madnyess. Wook, he stiws. +Do you withdwaw youwsewf a wittwe whiwe, +He wiww wecovew stwaight. When he is *cries* gonye, +I wouwd on :33 gweat occasion speak with you. E-Exit C-Cassio. +How is it, genyewaw? H-Have you nyot huwt youw head? +OTHEWWO. Dost thou ^.^ mock me? +IAGO. I mock you? N-Nyo, by heaven. +*pokes you* Wouwd *moans* you wouwd beaw youw fowtunye x3 wike a man! +OTHEWWO. A hownyed man's a monstew and a beast. +IAGO. Thewe's many a beast then in a popuwous city, +And ^-^ many a civiw monstew. +*looks away* OTHEWWO. Did he confess it? +IAGO. G-Good siw, >_> be a man; +Think *teleports behind you* evewy beawded f-fewwow that's but y-yoked +May dwaw with you. *leans over* Thewe's m-miwwions nyow awive +That nyightwy wie in those u-unpwopew beds +Which they dawe sweaw pecuwiaw. Youw case is bettew. +O, 'tis the spite of *looks at you* heww, the fiend's awch-mock, +*cuddles you* To wip a wanton *screams* in a-a secuwe couch, +And to suppose hew chaste! Nyo, wet me knyow, +And knyowing what I-I am, I knyow what she shaww *hugs tightly* be. +OTHEWWO. ^.^ O, thou awt :33 wise; 'tis cewtain. +IAGO. Stand you awhiwe *blushes* apawt, +Confinye youwsewf *looks at you* but in a patient wist. +Whiwst *twerks* you w-wewe hewe o'ewwhewmed w-with youw gwief- +A passion m-most unsuiting such a m-man- +C-Cassio came hithew. I *sweats* shifted h-him away, +And waid good :33 'scuse upon youw e-ecstasy; +Bade him UwU anyon wetuwn and hewe speak w-with m-me +T-The which he pwomised. Do but encave youwsewf +And mawk the fweews, t-the UwU gibes, and nyotabwe scowns, +That dweww in evewy *sweats* wegion of his face; +Fow I w-wiww make him teww the tawe anyew, +Whewe, how, *pokes you* how oft, *giggles shyly* how wong ago, and when +He hath and is again to ^.^ cope y-youw *cuddles you* wife. +I say, but mawk his gestuwe. Mawwy, *sighs* patience, +Ow I shaww say you awe x3 aww in aww in spween, +And n-nyothing of a *shuffles closer* man. +OTHEWWO. Dost thou heaw, Iago? +I-I wiww be found most cunnying in my patience; +B-But (dost thou heaw?) most bwoody. +IAGO. That's nyot amiss; +But yet keep t-time in aww. W-Wiww you withdwaw? +Othewwo wetiwes. +Nyow wiww I-I OwO question Cassio of *shuffles closer* Bianca, +A housewife that by sewwing hew ^w^ desiwes +Buys h-hewsewf bwead and c-cwothes. It is a c-cweatuwe +That dotes on Cassio, as '-'tis the s-stwumpet's pwague +To *giggles shyly* beguiwe :3 many *shuffles closer* and be beguiwed b-by o-onye. +He, when he h-heaws *hugs tightly* of *cuddles you* hew, c-cannyot wefwain +Fwom ^w^ the excess >_> of waughtew. Hewe he c-comes. + +We-entew Cassio. + +*twerks* As he >_> shaww *sweats* smiwe, Othewwo shaww go mad; +A-And his unbookish jeawousy must constwue +Poow Cassio's smiwes, gestuwes, and w-wight behaviow +Quite in the wwong. *notices bulge* How do you nyow, wieutenyant? +C-CASSIO. The wowsew that you give m-me ^-^ the a-addition +Whose want even kiwws me. +IAGO. Pwy Desdemonya weww, and you awe suwe on't. +Nyow, i-if this s-suit way *looks at you* in Bianco's p-powew, +H-How quickwy shouwd you speed! +CASSIO. Awas, poow caitiff! +OTHEWWO. *looks at you* Wook, how *looks at you* he waughs a-awweady! +IAGO. I nyevew knyew a woman wove man so. +CASSIO. Awas, poow wogue! *cuddles you* I think, OwO i'faith, she w-woves me. +OTHEWWO. Nyow he denyies it *cries* faintwy a-and w-waughs it out. +IAGO. D-Do you heaw, C-Cassio? +xDD OTHEWWO. Nyow he impowtunyes h-him +T-To t-teww i-it o-o'ew. Go to; weww ^-^ said, weww said. +IAGO. She gives it o-out t-that you shaww mawwy hew. +Do you intend it? +*sweats* CASSIO. Ha, h-ha, ha! +OTHEWWO. Do *cries* you twiumph, Woman? Do you twiumph? +xDD CASSIO. I mawwy hew! What? A customew! I pwithee, b-beaw some chawity +t-to my wit; d-do nyot think it so u-unwhowesome. Ha, ha, ha! +OTHEWWO. uWu So, so, UwU so, so. *leans over* They waugh that win. +IAGO. Faith, the cwy goes that you shaww mawwy hew. +CASSIO. Pwithee, say twue. +IAGO. I am a v-vewy viwwain >_< ewse. +OTHEWWO. Have you scowed me? >_< Weww. +^w^ CASSIO. T-This is x3 the monkey's own giving out. She is pewsuaded ^.^ I +wiww mawwy hew, out of hew ^w^ own wove >_< and fwattewy, *cuddles you* nyot out o-of my +pwomise. +OTHEWWO. Iago b-beckons me; *teleports behind you* nyow he begins *looks away* the *twerks* stowy. +CASSIO. She was hewe even nyow; s-she haunts me in evewy pwace. *shuffles closer* I was +the othew day tawking on the sea bank *shuffles closer* with cewtain Venyetians, and +thithew comes the baubwe, and, by this hand, she fawws me thus +about :33 my nyeck- +O-OTHEWWO. Cwying, "O deaw *pokes you* Cassio!" *leans over* as it wewe; his gestuwe i-impowts +it. +CASSIO. So hangs a-and wowws and *twerks* weeps upon *hugs tightly* me; *looks away* so hawes and p-puwws +me. Ha, >w< ha, ha! +*cries* OTHEWWO. Nyow he tewws how she pwucked him to my chambew. O, I s-see +that nyose of youws, *cries* but nyot >w< that *teleports behind you* dog I shaww thwow it to. +CASSIO. *teleports behind you* Weww, I must weave hew company. +IAGO. Befowe m-me! wook whewe she comes. +CASSIO. 'Tis such a-anyothew fitchew! mawwy, a pewfumed o-onye. + +Entew Bianca. + +What do you mean by this haunting of me? +BIANCA. Wet the deviw and his dam *moans* haunt you! What did you mean by +that same h-handkewchief you gave me even nyow? I was a finye *screams* foow to +take it. I m-must take out the wowk? A w-wikewy piece of wowk OwO that +you shouwd find i-it in y-youw chambew and nyot knyow w-who weft it +thewe! T-This is some m-minx's token, and I >w< must take out t-the wowk? +Thewe, g-give it y-youw hobbyhowse. W-Whewesoevew *cuddles you* you h-had ^.^ it, I'ww take +x3 out nyo wowk on't. +CASSIO. How nyow, m-my sweet Bianca! how nyow! how nyow! +OTHEWWO. By heaven, t-that *looks at you* shouwd be my handkewchief! +BIANCA. An you'ww come to *cuddles you* suppew tonyight, you m-may; an you wiww nyot, +come when you awe nyext pwepawed fow. Exit. +I-IAGO. Aftew hew, aftew hew. +*cries* CASSIO. Faith, >_< I must; she'ww :3 waiw i' the stweet ewse. +IAGO. Wiww y-you sup thewe? +C-CASSIO. F-Faith, I *moans* intend *notices bulge* so. +IAGO. Weww, I may *sighs* chance to see you, *looks away* fow I wouwd vewy *teleports behind you* fain speak +with you. +CASSIO. Pwithee, come; *shuffles closer* wiww y-you? +IAGO. Go to; say nyo mowe. Exit Cassio. +O-OTHEWWO. [Advancing.] How s-shaww I muwthew him, Iago? +IAGO. Did y-you p-pewceive ^.^ how :3 he waughed at his vice? +OTHEWWO. O *screams* Iago! +IAGO. And did you *cuddles you* see the handkewchief? +OTHEWWO. >w< Was that minye? +IAGO. *giggles shyly* Youws, by ^.^ this hand. And to see how he pwizes the foowish +woman youw wife! She gave it him, and *leans over* he hath given *sighs* it his *cuddles you* whowe. +OTHEWWO. *hugs tightly* I wouwd have him nyinye yeaws akiwwing. A finye woman! a faiw +woman! a sweet woman! +I-IAGO. *looks away* Nyay, you must fowget that. +OTHEWWO. Ay, wet h-hew wot, and pewish, and be damnyed tonyight, fow +she shaww nyot wive. x3 Nyo, m-my heawt is *twerks* tuwnyed *screams* to stonye; I stwike it, +a-and it huwts my hand. O, *leans over* the wowwd x3 hath nyot *twerks* a sweetew *sighs* cweatuwe. +*screams* She might wie by an empewow's side, and command *hugs tightly* him t-tasks. +>_< IAGO. Nyay, that's nyot youw way. +OTHEWWO. Hang hew! I do b-but say *leans over* what she is. ^-^ So dewicate with hew +nyeedwe, an *leans over* admiwabwe musician. O, s-she wiww *cuddles you* sing the s-savagenyess +out of a beaw. :3 Of so high and pwenteous wit :3 and invention- +IAGO. *pokes you* She's the wowse f-fow aww this. +OTHEWWO. *hugs tightly* O, a thousand, a-a thousand times. *teleports behind you* And t-then, *moans* of so g-gentwe *notices bulge* a +condition! +*leans over* IAGO. Ay, too gentwe. +*looks at you* OTHEWWO. Nyay, that's cewtain. *shuffles closer* But y-yet the *twerks* pity :33 of it, Iago! +O *looks at you* Iago, the pity >w< of it, *pokes you* Iago! +*teleports behind you* IAGO. If you awe so *sighs* fond ovew h-hew inyiquity, give hew patent to +offend, fow, if it touch n-nyot you, it comes nyeaw nyobody. +OTHEWWO. I wiww chop hew into m-messes. *shuffles closer* Cuckowd me! +UwU IAGO. O-O, 'tis fouw *looks away* in hew. +OTHEWWO. With minye ^.^ officew! +*cuddles you* IAGO. That's fouwew. +*sweats* OTHEWWO. Get me :33 some poison, Iago, t-this OwO nyight. I'ww nyot expostuwate +*leans over* with *notices bulge* hew, w-west hew body and beauty *giggles shyly* unpwovide my mind a-again. *hugs tightly* This +nyight, Iago. +IAGO. Do it nyot with poison, stwangwe hew in hew bed, even the *sighs* bed +she hath contaminyated. +OTHEWWO. Good, *screams* good, the justice o-of it pweases, vewy *looks at you* good. +IAGO. And fow Cassio, wet me be his undewtakew. You shaww heaw mowe +by midnyight. +O-OTHEWWO. Excewwent good. [A twumpet *looks away* within.] What twumpet *giggles shyly* is that +s-same? +IAGO. Something fwom Venyice, suwe. 'Tis Wodovico +Come fwom the Duke. And, see x3 youw wife is with him. + +Entew *hugs tightly* Wodovico, Desdemonya, and Attendants. + +WODOVICO. *leans over* God *sighs* save the wowthy g-genyewaw! +*notices bulge* OTHEWWO. With a-aww my heawt, siw. +WODOVICO. The Duke and Senyatows of Venyice gweet you. +xDD Gives him a w-wettew. +OTHEWWO. I *looks at you* kiss the instwument of theiw pweasuwes. +Opens ^-^ the wettew, and weads. +>_> DESDEMONyA. And what's *screams* the nyews, good cousin Wodovico? +x3 IAGO. I am vewy gwad t-to see you, signyiow; +W-Wewcome UwU to Cypwus. +WODOVICO. I t-thank you. How does Wieutenyant Cassio? +IAGO. Wives, siw. +D-DESDEMONyA. Cousin, t-thewe's *looks at you* faww'n between him and my wowd +An unkind bweech; but you shaww make aww weww. +OTHEWWO. Awe y-you suwe of t-that? +DESDEMONyA. My wowd? +OTHEWWO. [Weads.] "This faiw you nyot to do, as ;;w;; you wiww-" +WODOVICO. He *sighs* did nyot caww; he's busy in the xDD papew. +Is thewe division '-'twixt m-my wowd and *sighs* Cassio? +D-DESDEMONyA. A most unhappy onye. I-I wouwd d-do much +To atonye them, fow the wove I beaw to Cassio. +OTHEWWO. Fiwe and bwimstonye! +DESDEMONyA. My w-wowd? +OTHEWWO. Awe you wise? +D-DESDEMONyA. What, is *moans* he a-angwy? +W-WODOVICO. May ^.^ be t-the wettew moved him; +Fow, as I think, they ;;w;; do command h-him h-home, +Deputing Cassio i-in his govewnment. +DESDEMONyA. By *cries* my t-twoth, I-I am g-gwad on't. +*twerks* OTHEWWO. *shuffles closer* Indeed! +DESDEMONyA. My wowd? +OTHEWWO. *teleports behind you* I ^.^ am *cries* gwad to *leans over* see y-you mad. +;;w;; DESDEMONyA. Why, sweet xDD Othewwo? +:33 OTHEWWO. Deviw! Stwikes h-hew. +*shuffles closer* DESDEMONyA. I have nyot desewved this. +WODOVICO. My *screams* wowd, this wouwd nyot *leans over* be bewieved >w< in Venyice, +Though I shouwd sweaw I saw't. 'Tis v-vewy much. +Make h-hew amends; she *looks at you* weeps. +OTHEWWO. *twerks* O deviw, deviw! +If that the eawth couwd *looks away* teem with w-woman's teaws, +*twerks* Each dwop she fawws wouwd pwove a cwocodiwe. +Out o-of my sight! +*shuffles closer* DESDEMONyA. [-[Going.] I wiww nyot stay to offend you. +x3 WODOVICO. Twuwy, an obedient *teleports behind you* wady. +I do beseech youw wowdship, caww hew back. +uWu OTHEWWO. Mistwess! +DESDEMONyA. uWu My wowd? +OTHEWWO. W-What wouwd you with h-hew, s-siw? +W-WODOVICO. Who, I-I, my w-wowd? +OTHEWWO. Ay, y-you did wish that I w-wouwd make hew tuwn. +Siw, she can tuwn and tuwn, *hugs tightly* and yet go on, +And tuwn *teleports behind you* again; *pokes you* and she can w-weep, s-siw, ;;w;; weep; +And she's o-obedient, as you say, o-obedient, +Vewy obedient. Pwoceed *looks at you* you i-in youw *cuddles you* teaws. +Concewnying *shuffles closer* this, siw- O weww-painted passion!- +I am commanded home. Get you a-away; +I'ww send fow you anyon. Siw, I obey the mandate, +And wiww wetuwn *twerks* to *looks at you* Venyice. Hence, avaunt! +Exit Desdemonya. +Cassio shaww have my pwace. And, siw, tonyight, +>_< I do *cries* entweat that w-we *moans* may sup ^w^ togethew. +You a-awe w-wewcome, siw, to *looks at you* Cypwus. Goats and monkeys! +*sweats* Exit. +WODOVICO. Is this the nyobwe ^.^ Moow whom *teleports behind you* ouw fuww Senyate +Caww aww in aww s-sufficient? This the *sighs* nyatuwe +Whom OwO passion couwd nyot shake? whose sowid viwtue +The shot uWu of accident nyow >w< dawt of chance +C-Couwd nyeithew gwaze nyow piewce? +IAGO. He is much changed. +WODOVICO. Awe his wits safe? Is he nyot wight of bwain? +IAGO. He's that ^.^ he is. I may nyot b-bweathe my censuwe +What he m-might be: if w-what he might h-he is *leans over* nyot, +I wouwd to heaven h-he w-wewe! +WODOVICO. What, stwike his wife! +IAGO. Faith, *notices bulge* that was nyot so weww; yet wouwd I knyew +*leans over* That stwoke wouwd pwove the wowst! +WODOVICO. *cries* Is it his use? +O-Ow did the wettews wowk upon his bwood, +A-And nyew cweate this uWu fauwt? +IAGO. Awas, awas! +It is nyot honyesty in me to speak +What I have seen and knyown. You shaww obsewve him, +And h-his own couwses w-wiww denyote him so +That I *moans* may save my *moans* speech. Do but go aftew, +And mawk how h-he c-continyues. +^-^ WODOVICO. I-I am sowwy that I am deceived *sighs* in him. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE II. +uWu A woom in the >w< castwe. + +*sighs* Entew Othewwo and Emiwia. + +OTHEWWO. Y-You have seen nyothing, *shuffles closer* then? +EMIWIA. Nyow evew heawd, nyow *looks at you* evew did suspect. +OTHEWWO. Yes, you have seen Cassio and she togethew. +EMIWIA. But then I saw >_> nyo *leans over* hawm, and then I heawd +Each sywwabwe that bweath made up UwU between them. +OTHEWWO. What, did they n-nyevew whispew? +EMIWIA. Nyevew, my wowd. +OTHEWWO. Nyow send y-you out o' the *screams* way? +EMIWIA. Nyevew. +OTHEWWO. To f-fetch hew fan, hew g-gwoves, hew mask, nyow nyothing? +EMIWIA. Nyevew, my wowd. +*moans* OTHEWWO. That's stwange. +EMIWIA. I duwst, my *looks at you* wowd, to wagew she is h-honyest, +Way d-down my souw at stake. If you OwO think othew, +Wemove youw thought; >w< it doth abuse youw bosom. +I-If any wwetch h-have put this i-in youw h-head, +Wet heaven wequite it with the sewpent's *sighs* cuwse! +Fow if she be nyot *screams* honyest, chaste, and x3 twue, +Thewe's nyo man happy; the puwest of theiw w-wives +Is *sighs* fouw as ^.^ swandew. +OTHEWWO. Bid xDD hew come hithew; go. Exit ^w^ Emiwia. +She s-says enyough; *twerks* yet she's >_< a simpwe bawd +That cannyot say as much. This is a subtwe whowe, +A cwoset wock >_> and key of viwwainyous secwets. +*shuffles closer* And *cuddles you* yet she'ww k-knyeew and pway; I-I have seen hew d-do't. + +*leans over* Entew Desdemonya with Emiwia. + +DESDEMONyA. My wowd, ^w^ what :3 is *looks at you* youw wiww? +OTHEWWO. Pway, chuck, come hithew. +DESDEMONyA. What is >_< youw pweasuwe? +OTHEWWO. *leans over* Wet m-me see *screams* youw eyes; +Wook in my face. +*leans over* DESDEMONyA. UwU What howwibwe xDD fancy's t-this? +OTHEWWO. [To Emiwia.] *twerks* Some of youw function, mistwess, +W-Weave *looks away* pwocweants awonye and shut t-the doow; +C-Cough, :3 ow c-cwy "hem," x3 if anybody come. +Youw mystewy, :3 youw mystewy; nyay, *teleports behind you* dispatch. E-Exit Emiwia. +D-DESDEMONyA. Upon my OwO knyees, UwU what doth youw speech impowt? +I undewstand a fuwy in youw wowds, +But *leans over* nyot the *sighs* wowds. +:33 OTHEWWO. Why, what *cuddles you* awt xDD thou? +DESDEMONyA. Youw *leans over* wife, my wowd, youw twue and woyaw w-wife. +OTHEWWO. Come, s-sweaw it, *shuffles closer* damn thysewf; +West, b-being *looks away* wike onye of heaven, the deviws themsewves +Shouwd ^w^ feaw to *cuddles you* seize thee. Thewefowe be doubwe-damn'd; +Sweaw thou awt h-honyest. +DESDEMONyA. Heaven doth twuwy k-knyow it. +OTHEWWO. Heaven t-twuwy knyows t-that *notices bulge* thou awt fawse as heww. +DESDEMONyA. To whom, my uWu wowd? *twerks* with whom? uWu how *sweats* am I fawse? +OTHEWWO. O Desdemonya! Away! away! away! +DESDEMONyA. *giggles shyly* Awas *pokes you* the heavy ^w^ day! W-Why *leans over* do y-you weep? +Am >_> I the motive of these teaws, my wowd? +If hapwy you my fathew xDD do suspect +An instwument of this youw cawwing back, +W-Way nyot youw bwame >_< on m-me. If you have wost him, +Why, I have wost him too. +OTHEWWO. *sweats* Had >_< it p-pweased heaven +To twy me with affwiction, had *shuffles closer* they wain'd +*leans over* Aww OwO kinds of sowes and shames *notices bulge* on *moans* my bawe head, +Steep'd me in povewty to the v-vewy wips, +Given to captivity me *looks away* and my utmost hopes, +I shouwd have found in some p-pwace of my s-souw +A dwop of patience; but, awas, to make me +A *notices bulge* fixed figuwe fow the time OwO of s-scown +To *sighs* point h-his swow ^-^ unmoving fingew at! +Yet couwd I beaw that OwO too, weww, UwU vewy weww; +But thewe, w-whewe I-I *shuffles closer* have ^w^ gawnyew'd up my heawt, +*blushes* Whewe eithew xDD I must wive ow beaw nyo w-wife; +The f-fountain fwom t-the which uWu my cuwwent uWu wuns, +O-Ow ewse dwies up; OwO to be discawded thence! +Ow keep it as a c-cistewn fow fouw toads +To knyot and gendew in! Tuwn thy uWu compwexion thewe, +Patience, thou young and wose-wipp'd chewubin, +*blushes* Ay, thewe, OwO wook gwim a-as heww! +DESDEMONyA. I hope my nyobwe wowd esteems me h-honyest. +:33 OTHEWWO. O, ay, a-as summew fwies awe in t-the shambwes, +T-That quicken e-even with b-bwowing. O thou w-weed, +Who awt s-so wovewy faiw and smeww'st so sweet +T-That the sense aches at *hugs tightly* thee, *blushes* wouwd thou hadst nye'ew been b-bown! +DESDEMONyA. Awas, what i-ignyowant sin have I committed? +OTHEWWO. Was this faiw papew, this m-most g-goodwy book, +Made to w-wwite "whowe" upon? W-What committed? +Committed? O thou *pokes you* pubwic c-commonyew! +I shouwd make vewy ^w^ fowges o-of my UwU cheeks, +That wouwd to cindews buwn u-up modesty, +Did I but speak thy deeds. What committed! +Heaven stops the nyose at it, and the moon winks; +The bawdy wind, that kisses aww it meets, +Is hush'd within the howwow minye of eawth, +And wiww n-nyot heaw it. What committed? +Impudent stwumpet! +DESDEMONyA. B-By *notices bulge* heaven, you do me wwong. +O-OTHEWWO. *leans over* Awe nyot you a stwumpet? +>w< DESDEMONyA. Nyo, as I-I am a Chwistian. +If to *sighs* pwesewve this v-vessew fow *shuffles closer* my *shuffles closer* wowd +Fwom any othew f-fouw u-unwawfuw touch +Be >w< nyot to be a stwumpet, I a-am nyonye. +O-OTHEWWO. What, ;;w;; nyot a whowe? +DESDEMONyA. Nyo, as I s-shaww be saved. +OTHEWWO. Is't possibwe? +DESDEMONyA. O-O, *moans* heaven fowgive us! +OTHEWWO. I-I cwy you mewcy then; +I t-took y-you f-fow that cunnying whowe of Venyice +That mawwied with Othewwo. [Waises his voice.] You, mistwess, +That have the office opposite t-to Saint Petew, +And *teleports behind you* keep the gate of heww! + +We-entew Emiwia. + +You, you, ay, :33 you! +We have donye o-ouw couwse; thewe's monyey fow ^w^ youw *twerks* pains. +I p-pway you, >_< tuwn *looks at you* the key, and ^w^ keep ouw counsew. E-Exit. +EMIWIA. *sweats* Awas, what does this gentweman conceive? +How do you, madam? How do you, my good wady? +DESDEMONyA. Faith, hawf asweep. +EMIWIA. G-Good madam, what's :33 the mattew w-with my w-wowd? +x3 DESDEMONyA. With who? +E-EMIWIA. Why, with my wowd, ;;w;; madam. +DESDEMONyA. Who is thy wowd? +EMIWIA. He that is y-youws, sweet w-wady. +DESDEMONyA. I have :3 nyonye. *twerks* Do *giggles shyly* nyot tawk to me, *looks at you* Emiwia; +I cannyot weep, nyow answew >_< have I nyonye +But what shouwd go b-by watew. OwO Pwithee, tonyight +Way on my bed *pokes you* my wedding sheets. Wemembew, +And caww thy husband hithew. +E-EMIWIA. *moans* Hewe's a change i-indeed! +E-Exit. +DESDEMONyA. 'Tis *hugs tightly* meet I-I *cries* shouwd be used so, vewy *teleports behind you* meet. +How have I been behaved, that he might stick +The smaww'st opinyion on my weast misuse? + +We-entew Emiwia with Iago. + +IAGO. What is youw pweasuwe, madam? How is't with you? +DESDEMONyA. *moans* I cannyot *screams* teww. T-Those t-that do teach young babes +Do i-it with gentwe means and easy tasks. +He might have *sweats* chid *notices bulge* me so, fow in good faith, +I am a chiwd to *leans over* chiding. +IAGO. What's the mattew, wady? +EMIWIA. Awas, Iago, my wowd hath so bewhowed hew, +Thwown such despite and heavy tewms upon *notices bulge* hew, +As twue heawts cannyot beaw. +DESDEMONyA. A-Am I that nyame, I-Iago? +IAGO. What nyame, *looks away* faiw wady? +DESDEMONyA. Such as she says my wowd ^.^ did s-say I was. +EMIWIA. He caww'd hew whowe; a beggaw in his xDD dwink +Couwd nyot have waid such tewms upon h-his cawwet. +IAGO. Why :33 did he *screams* so? +DESDEMONyA. I do nyot knyow; I am suwe I am nyonye such. +IAGO. Do nyot weep, d-do nyot w-weep. A-Awas the d-day! +*looks away* EMIWIA. Hath she fowsook so many nyobwe matches, +Hew fathew and hew countwy and hew fwiends, +To be caww'd whowe? Wouwd xDD it nyot m-make onye weep? +DESDEMONyA. *cries* It is ;;w;; my wwetched fowtunye. +IAGO. Beshwew him fow't! +*looks away* How comes this t-twick upon him? +DESDEMONyA. Nyay, heaven doth knyow. +^.^ EMIWIA. *moans* I wiww be h-hang'd, if some etewnyaw viwwain, +Some busy and insinyuating wogue, +Some cogging, cozenying swave, t-to get some *blushes* office, +Have nyot devised this *teleports behind you* swandew; I'ww be hang'd ewse. +IAGO. F-Fie, t-thewe is nyo such m-man; it is i-impossibwe. +:3 DESDEMONyA. If any such thewe be, heaven pawdon him! +EMIWIA. A hawtew pawdon him! And heww uWu gnyaw his bonyes! +Why shouwd h-he caww hew w-whowe? Who keeps hew company? +What xDD pwace? ^.^ What time? What fowm? What w-wikewihood? +The Moow's a-abused by some most viwwainyous knyave, +Some base n-nyotowious knyave, some scuwvy fewwow. +^-^ O h-heaven, that such c-companyions t-thou'wdst unfowd, +And p-put in evewy honyest hand a whip +*giggles shyly* To wash the xDD wascaws nyaked thwough OwO the *shuffles closer* wowwd +Even fwom the east to the west! +IAGO. Speak within d-doow. +EMIWIA. O, fie upon them! Some such squiwe he was +That tuwn'd youw wit *cuddles you* the seamy side w-without, +A-And m-made you to suspect me with the Moow. +IAGO. Y-You a-awe *looks at you* a foow; go to. +DESDEMONyA. O good Iago, +W-What shaww I do to win my wowd again? +Good fwiend, *leans over* go to h-him, f-fow by UwU this wight of heaven, +I knyow n-nyot how I-I wost him. Hewe I knyeew: +If e'ew OwO my ^.^ wiww did t-twespass 'gainst his wove +Eithew in discouwse of thought o-ow actuaw deed, +xDD Ow that m-minye e-eyes, minye eaws, ow any sense, +Dewighted them in a-any *shuffles closer* othew fowm, +Ow that I do ^.^ nyot yet, and evew >w< did, +And evew wiww, though he do >_< shake me off +To beggawwy *sighs* divowcement, wove him deawwy, +Comfowt f-fowsweaw me! Unkindnyess may do m-much, +*sweats* And his unkindnyess may UwU defeat my wife, +But nyevew taint my wove. I cannyot say "whowe." +It doth abhow me nyow I speak the wowd; +^.^ To do the act that might *cries* the a-addition e-eawn +Nyot the wowwd's mass of vanyity c-couwd make *pokes you* me. +IAGO. I pway you, be content; 'tis but h-his humow: +The *screams* businyess of the state does h-him *looks at you* offense, +And he d-does chide with you. +DESDEMONyA. I-If 'twewe nyo othew- +IAGO. '-'Tis but s-so, I wawwant. Twumpets within. +Hawk, how these instwuments summon to suppew! +*sighs* The messengews of Venyice stay the meat. +Go in, and weep *pokes you* nyot; aww things s-shaww be weww. +Exeunt D-Desdemonya and Emiwia. + +Entew *looks away* Wodewigo. + +H-How nyow, Wodewigo! +WODEWIGO. I do nyot find that thou x3 deawest justwy with me. +IAGO. W-What in the c-contwawy? +WODEWIGO. Evewy day thou daffest me *looks away* with s-some device, Iago; and +wathew, as it seems t-to me *sweats* nyow, keepest fwom me aww convenyiency +than suppwiest me with the w-weast advantage of hope. I wiww i-indeed +n-nyo wongew enduwe it; nyow am I-I yet pewsuaded to put up in peace +what awweady I-I have foowishwy suffewed. +IAGO. Wiww you heaw me, Wodewigo? +W-WODEWIGO. F-Faith, I have heawd t-too m-much, fow youw wowds and +p-pewfowmances awe nyo kin togethew. +IAGO. You chawge me m-most unjustwy. +WODEWIGO. With nyought *cuddles you* but twuth. I have wasted mysewf UwU out of my +means. The jewews you have *sighs* had fwom me to dewivew t-to Desdemonya +wouwd h-hawf *looks at you* have *cries* cowwupted a *notices bulge* votawist. Y-You have towd me she hath +w-weceived them and *looks away* wetuwnyed me expectations a-and comfowts o-of sudden +wespect and acquaintance; but I find n-nyonye. +IAGO. Weww, go to, vewy *cries* weww. +WODEWIGO. Vewy uWu weww! go to! I UwU cannyot go to, man; nyow 'tis :33 nyot xDD vewy +weww. B-By this OwO hand, ^.^ I say 'tis vewy scuwvy, a-and begin to find +mysewf fopped in it. +IAGO. Vewy OwO weww. +*pokes you* WODEWIGO. I teww you 'tis nyot vewy w-weww. *shuffles closer* I >_< wiww make mysewf *looks at you* knyown +to x3 Desdemonya. If she wiww wetuwn me my jewews, I wiww :3 give ovew +m-my suit and *cries* wepent my unwawfuw s-sowicitation; i-if nyot, assuwe +youwsewf I *blushes* wiww seek satisfaction of you. +IAGO. Y-You *blushes* have said *looks at you* nyow. +WODEWIGO. Ay, and said n-nyothing but w-what *screams* I pwotest intendment o-of +d-doing. +IAGO. Why, nyow I s-see thewe's mettwe i-in thee; and even f-fwom this +instant do buiwd on thee *cries* a bettew *shuffles closer* opinyion than evew befowe. Give +*shuffles closer* me thy hand, Wodewigo. Thou hast taken a-against me *twerks* a :3 most just +exception; but y-yet, ^-^ I pwotest, have deawt *sighs* most diwectwy in thy +affaiw. +WODEWIGO. It *sighs* hath nyot appeawed. +IAGO. I gwant indeed it hath nyot appeawed, a-and *looks away* youw s-suspicion is +nyot without w-wit and judgement. But, Wodewigo, if thou hast that +in *looks at you* thee indeed, uWu which I have gweatew >_< weason to bewieve nyow than +evew, I *screams* mean puwpose, couwage, UwU and vawow, this *cuddles you* nyight show it; if +thou the nyext nyight fowwowing enjoy nyot Desdemonya, take me fwom +this wowwd with tweachewy and devise enginyes fow m-my *shuffles closer* wife. +;;w;; WODEWIGO. :3 Weww, what is it? Is it within weason and compass? +>_< IAGO. S-Siw, thewe is e-especiaw commission *looks at you* come fwom Venyice t-to depute +C-Cassio in Othewwo's pwace. +WODEWIGO. Is that twue? Why then Othewwo and :3 Desdemonya wetuwn again +to Venyice. +IAGO. O, nyo; he *cuddles you* goes into Mauwitanyia, *blushes* and takes away with him the +*pokes you* faiw >_< Desdemonya, unwess his abode be wingewed hewe by some +>_< accident; whewein nyonye xDD can be so detewminyate as the wemoving o-of +Cassio. +W-WODEWIGO. How do you mean, wemoving of him? +IAGO. *hugs tightly* Why, by m-making him uncapabwe of O-Othewwo's pwace; ^-^ knyocking out +his bwains. +WODEWIGO. And that you wouwd have me to do? +^-^ IAGO. Ay, if you dawe do youwsewf a *sighs* pwofit and a *looks at you* wight. H-He s-sups +tonyight *leans over* with a hawwotwy, and thithew wiww I-I go to him. He knyows +nyot yet of his honyowabwe fowtunye. If y-you wiww watch his going +thence, which his wiww fashion *looks away* to faww out between twewve and +onye, you m-may take him at youw pweasuwe; I wiww be nyeaw to second +youw attempt, and he :33 shaww faww between us. Come, stand nyot +amazed at i-it, but go awong with m-me; *cries* I wiww show you such a +nyecessity in his *pokes you* death that you shaww think youwsewf bound t-to *looks away* put +it on him. It is uWu nyow high *cuddles you* suppew-time, *cuddles you* and *shuffles closer* the nyight >_> gwows to +waste. About it. +WODEWIGO. I wiww heaw fuwthew weason fow this. +IAGO. And you shaww be *blushes* satisfied. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE III. +Anyothew woom in the *cuddles you* castwe. + +Entew Othewwo, ^.^ Wodovico, Desdemonya, Emiwia, and Attendants. + +WODOVICO. I do beseech you, siw, t-twoubwe youwsewf nyo f-fuwthew. +OTHEWWO. O, pawdon me; 'twiww do me good to wawk. +WODOVICO. Madam, good nyight; I humbwy thank youw wadyship. +DESDEMONyA. Youw honyow *notices bulge* is most wewcome. +OTHEWWO. Wiww you xDD wawk, *notices bulge* siw? +O- Desdemonya- +DESDEMONyA. My wowd? +OTHEWWO. Get you to bed on the instant; I wiww be wetuwnyed +fowthwith. D-Dismiss youw a-attendant thewe; w-wook it be donye. +DESDEMONyA. I w-wiww, my wowd. +Exeunt Othewwo, Wodovico, and Attendants. +EMIWIA. H-How *notices bulge* goes *cries* it nyow? He wooks gentwew t-than he did. +DESDEMONyA. :33 He says he wiww wetuwn UwU incontinyent. +He *screams* hath commanded me to go to x3 bed, +A-And bade *cuddles you* me to dismiss you. +*looks at you* EMIWIA. Dismiss me? +*moans* DESDEMONyA. It w-was his b-bidding; thewefowe, good Emiwia, +*looks away* Give m-me my nyightwy weawing, and adieu. +*shuffles closer* We must OwO nyot nyow dispwease him. +EMIWIA. I wouwd you had nyevew seen him! +DESDEMONyA. So *sighs* wouwd nyot I-I. My wove doth s-so appwove him, +That e-even h-his stubbownnyess, *blushes* his checks, *sweats* his fwowns- +Pwithee, unpin *sighs* me- have gwace and favow in t-them. +EMIWIA. I have waid those sheets you bade me on *pokes you* the bed. +DESDEMONyA. Aww's onye. Good f-faith, how *giggles shyly* foowish awe ouw minds! +If I d-do die befowe t-thee, pwithee shwoud me +In o-onye of those same sheets. +EMIWIA. Come, come, you tawk. +DESDEMONyA. My mothew had a maid caww'd Bawbawy; +She was in wove, and he she woved pwoved mad +And did *notices bulge* fowsake h-hew. She OwO had a-a song of ^w^ "wiwwow"; +An owd thing 'twas, but it expwess'd hew fowtunye, +And s-she uWu died singing it. That s-song tonyight +W-Wiww nyot go fwom my mind; I have much t-to d-do +But to go h-hang my h-head aww at onye s-side +And sing i-it w-wike p-poow uWu Bawbawy. Pwithee, d-dispatch. +EMIWIA. Shaww I go fetch *cuddles you* youw nyightgown? +DESDEMONyA. ;;w;; Nyo, unpin me h-hewe. +This W-Wodovico i-is a pwopew man. +*sighs* EMIWIA. ^.^ A vewy handsome m-man. +DESDEMONyA. He speaks weww. +EMIWIA. I knyow a wady in Venyice *screams* wouwd have wawked bawefoot to +Pawestinye fow *twerks* a touch of his *hugs tightly* nyethew wip. +D-DESDEMONyA. [-[Sings.] + +"The poow souw sat sighing b-by ;;w;; a sycamowe twee, +Sing aww a gween wiwwow; +Hew hand on h-hew :3 bosom, hew head on hew knyee, +Sing wiwwow, *shuffles closer* wiwwow, wiwwow. +T-The fwesh stweams wan by hew, and muwmuw'd hew moans, +Sing wiwwow, wiwwow, xDD wiwwow; +Hew s-sawt teaws feww fwom hew, and :33 soften'd ;;w;; the stonyes-" + +W-Way be these- + +[Sings.] "Sing wiwwow, wiwwow, wiwwow-" + +Pwithee, hie thee; *blushes* he'ww come a-anyon- +[Sings.] *notices bulge* "Sing aww a gween wiwwow must be my gawwand. +Wet nyobody bwame him; h-his scown I-I appwove-" + +Nyay, *notices bulge* that's n-nyot nyext. Hawk, who is't that knyocks? +*screams* EMIWIA. It's the ^w^ wind. +D-DESDEMONyA. [Sings.] + +*twerks* "I *twerks* caww'd my wove fawse wove; but what said he then? +Sing wiwwow, wiwwow, w-wiwwow. +If I couwt moe women, you'ww couch with moe *looks at you* men-" + +S-So UwU get thee gonye; good nyight. Minye e-eyes do itch; +Doth that bode weeping? +E-EMIWIA. 'Tis n-nyeithew hewe nyow thewe. +D-DESDEMONyA. I have h-heawd it said so. O, ;;w;; these x3 men, these men! +Dost *sweats* thou >w< in conscience think- teww me, Emiwia- +That t-thewe b-be women do abuse theiw husbands +I-In such gwoss kind? +E-EMIWIA. Thewe be some such, nyo question. +*giggles shyly* DESDEMONyA. Wouwdst thou do such a d-deed fow aww the wowwd? +uWu EMIWIA. Why, wouwd nyot you? +>w< DESDEMONyA. Nyo, b-by this heavenwy wight! +EMIWIA. Nyow :33 I nyeithew by this heavenwy w-wight; I m-might do't x3 as weww +i' the *notices bulge* dawk. +D-DESDEMONyA. Wouwdst t-thou do such a-a deed fow aww t-the wowwd? +EMIWIA. T-The wowwd's a huge thing; it is a gweat pwice +Fow a smaww vice. +DESDEMONyA. In twoth, I-I think thou *cuddles you* wouwdst nyot. +uWu EMIWIA. In t-twoth, I >_< think *twerks* I *sighs* shouwd, and undo't when I had donye. +Mawwy, I wouwd *giggles shyly* nyot ^-^ do such a-a thing fow a joint-wing, n-nyow *blushes* fow +measuwes *moans* of *notices bulge* wawn, nyow fow gowns, ^w^ petticoats, nyow caps, :33 nyow any +petty exhibition; but, fow the whowe wowwd- why, who wouwd nyot +make ^-^ hew ^-^ husband a cuckowd to make *cries* him a monyawch? I shouwd +ventuwe puwgatowy fow't. +>_< DESDEMONyA. Beshwew me, if I-I w-wouwd do such ^.^ a OwO wwong +Fow the w-whowe wowwd. +E-EMIWIA. Why, the wwong is but a wwong i' t-the wowwd; and having the +w-wowwd >_< fow youw :33 wabow, 'tis a wwong i-in youw own uWu wowwd, and you +might *cries* quickwy make i-it *sighs* wight. +DESDEMONyA. I do nyot think thewe is any such woman. +E-EMIWIA. Yes, a dozen, and as many to the vantage as *cuddles you* wouwd stowe the +wowwd they >w< pwayed fow. +But I do t-think it UwU is theiw husbands' fauwts +I-If wives *twerks* do faww; say that they swack theiw duties +*screams* And :33 pouw ouw tweasuwes into *sighs* foweign waps, +Ow ewse bweak out i-in peevish jeawousies, +Thwowing westwaint upon u-us, ow say they stwike *pokes you* us, +:3 Ow scant o-ouw fowmew having in despite, +Why, we have gawws, a-and *notices bulge* though we have some gwace, +Yet have w-we some w-wevenge. Wet husbands knyow +Theiw wives have sense wike them; they see and smeww +And have theiw pawates both fow sweet and s-souw, +As *teleports behind you* husbands h-have. What ^-^ is >_> it t-that they do +When they change us fow o-othews? Is *giggles shyly* it spowt? +uWu I think it is. And doth affection bweed it? +I-I think it doth. Is't fwaiwty t-that t-thus ewws? +It is so too. And have nyot we affections, +Desiwes fow spowt, and fwaiwty, *blushes* as men have? +Then wet them u-use u-us weww; ewse wet *sweats* them k-knyow, +The iwws we do, theiw *blushes* iwws instwuct us so. +DESDEMONyA. Good nyight, good nyight. Heaven me such uses send, +Nyot to pick b-bad fwom b-bad, but by bad mend! Exeunt. + + + + +<w< USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW D-DISTWIBUTION *sweats* INCWUDES *moans* BY ANY +SEWVICE *blushes* THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW M-MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I. +Cypwus. A *cries* stweet. + +E-Entew *looks away* Iago a-and W-Wodewigo: + +IAGO. *moans* Hewe, stand *shuffles closer* behind this buwk; stwaight wiww he come. +Weaw thy *cries* good wapiew bawe, and put it h-home. +Quick, quick; *teleports behind you* feaw nyothing; I'ww be at t-thy ewbow. +It makes us, ow it maws us; t-think on x3 that, +And fix most fiwm thy wesowution. +WODEWIGO. Be nyeaw at hand; I *looks away* may *sighs* miscawwy in't. +IAGO. Hewe, ^-^ at t-thy hand, be bowd, and take *cuddles you* thy stand. +>_> Wetiwes. +WODEWIGO. I have *looks at you* nyo gweat d-devotion to the d-deed; +*cries* And x3 yet he hath given me satisfying weasons. +*notices bulge* 'Tis *cries* but a man gonye. F-Fowth, my swowd; h-he *notices bulge* dies. +I-IAGO. I have wubb'd *moans* this young *sweats* quat awmost to *blushes* the *screams* sense, +And *moans* he gwows angwy. Nyow, w-whethew h-he kiww Cassio, +Ow C-Cassio him, ow each do kiww the othew, +Evewy way makes ;;w;; my gain. Wive Wodewigo, +*cuddles you* He cawws me to a *giggles shyly* westitution wawge +Of *shuffles closer* gowd and jewews ^.^ that *screams* I bobb'd fwom him, +As gifts to Desdemonya; +It must nyot >w< be. If Cassio do wemain, +He h-hath a-a d-daiwy OwO beauty in his uWu wife +:33 That makes me ugwy; a-and besides, the Moow +M-May unfowd me to *teleports behind you* him; thewe stand I in *giggles shyly* much pewiw. +Nyo, h-he must die. Be't so. *sweats* I heaw him coming. + +*screams* Entew Cassio. + +*giggles shyly* WODEWIGO. I *pokes you* knyow his gait; 'tis he. Viwwain, thou diest! +M-Makes a pass a-at Cassio. +CASSIO. That *pokes you* thwust had been *cuddles you* minye enyemy i-indeed, +But *pokes you* that >w< my coat is bettew than thou knyow'st; +I wiww make :33 pwoof of thinye. Dwaws, and wounds uWu Wodewigo. +WODEWIGO. O, I am s-swain! +I-Iago fwom b-behind wounds :33 Cassio in the weg, a-and exit. +CASSIO. I am maim'd fowevew. Hewp, ^w^ ho! Muwthew! Muwthew! +*notices bulge* Fawws. + +Entew Othewwo. + +OTHEWWO. *blushes* The voice of Cassio; Iago keeps his wowd. +WODEWIGO. O-O, viwwain t-that I *pokes you* am! +O-OTHEWWO. It is even s-so. +C-CASSIO. O, *shuffles closer* hewp, *hugs tightly* ho! Wight! A suwgeon! +OTHEWWO. 'Tis h-he. O bwave Iago, honyest and just, +That hast such nyobwe sense of thy f-fwiend's wwong! +Thou teachest me. Minyion, y-youw deaw wies dead, +And youw unbwest xDD fate h-hies. Stwumpet, I come! +Fowth of my >w< heawt t-those chawms, thinye eyes, awe bwotted; +T-Thy bed wust-stain'd s-shaww with w-wust's bwood be spotted. +Exit. + +Entew Wodovico a-and Gwatianyo. + +CASSIO. What, ho! Nyo watch? Nyo *screams* passage? M-Muwthew! Muwthew! +GWATIANyO. *giggles shyly* 'Tis some m-mischance; the cwy is vewy diwefuw. +C-CASSIO. O, hewp! +WODOVICO. Hawk! +WODEWIGO. O wwetched ;;w;; viwwain! +WODOVICO. Two ow thwee gwoan; it is *cries* a heavy nyight. +These may be countewfeits; wet's think't u-unsafe +To come in to the cwy without mowe hewp. +WODEWIGO. Nyobody *hugs tightly* come? Then shaww I bweed to ;;w;; death. +WODOVICO. *sweats* Hawk! + +We-entew Iago, with >_> a wight. + +GWATIANyO. Hewe's onye comes in UwU his shiwt, with wight and weapons. +*giggles shyly* IAGO. ;;w;; Who's t-thewe? W-Whose *cuddles you* nyoise is this t-that cwies on muwthew? +WODOVICO. We do nyot knyow. +IAGO. Did nyot you heaw a cwy? +C-CASSIO. Hewe, hewe! f-fow heaven's sake, hewp me! +IAGO. W-What's the mattew? +GWATIANyO. *shuffles closer* This is Othewwo's ancient, as I take it. +WODOVICO. The s-same indeed; a vewy vawiant fewwow. +I-IAGO. What awe you hewe that cwy >_> so *leans over* gwievouswy? +CASSIO. Iago? O-O, I am spoiw'd, undonye by viwwains! +G-Give m-me some *looks at you* hewp. +IAGO. O me, wieutenyant! What viwwains have donye this? +CASSIO. *twerks* I think *pokes you* that onye o-of them *cuddles you* is heweabout, +And cannyot make away. +IAGO. O tweachewous viwwains! +[To Wodovico and G-Gwatianyo.] What awe you thewe? +*pokes you* Come in *blushes* and give some hewp. +WODEWIGO. O, hewp me ;;w;; hewe! +CASSIO. That's onye of *shuffles closer* them. +I-IAGO. O muwthewous *sweats* swave! O *hugs tightly* viwwain! +Stabs Wodewigo. +W-WODEWIGO. O damn'd Iago! O inhuman dog! +I-IAGO. *hugs tightly* Kiww men i' the dawk! Whewe be these bwoody thieves? +*notices bulge* How siwent is this town! Ho! Muwthew! Muwthew! +What may you uWu be? Awe you of g-good ow eviw? +W-WODOVICO. As you shaww pwove us, pwaise us. +IAGO. Signyiow Wodovico? +WODOVICO. >_< He, siw. +IAGO. I-I cwy you *leans over* mewcy. Hewe's C-Cassio >_> huwt by *sighs* viwwains. +*pokes you* GWATIANyO. Cassio? +IAGO. H-How is't, bwothew? +CASSIO. My weg is cut in two. +IAGO. Mawwy, heaven fowbid! +W-Wight, gentwemen; I'ww bind it OwO with my shiwt. + +Entew Bianca. + +BIANCA. >_> What is uWu the mattew, ho? Who is't that ^w^ cwied? +IAGO. Who OwO is't that cwied? +x3 BIANCA. O my deaw Cassio, my >w< sweet C-Cassio! O Cassio, Cassio, +Cassio! +I-IAGO. O nyotabwe stwumpet! Cassio, xDD may you suspect +Who they shouwd be t-that have thus mangwed you? +CASSIO. Nyo. +GWATIANyO. I :33 am s-sowwy to find you thus; I-I have been to seek you. +*looks away* IAGO. Wend *cries* me a gawtew. S-So. O, fow a chaiw, +To beaw him easiwy hence! +BIANCA. A-Awas, x3 he faints! O Cassio, Cassio, Cassio! +I-IAGO. Gentwemen aww, I do suspect this twash +To be a p-pawty in this i-injuwy. +Patience awhiwe, g-good *sighs* Cassio. Come, >w< come; +Wend me a w-wight. *twerks* Knyow we this face o-ow ^.^ nyo? +^-^ Awas, my fwiend *shuffles closer* and my deaw countwyman +Wodewigo? Nyo- yes, suwe. O heaven! Wodewigo. +GWATIANyO. What, UwU of *moans* Venyice? +IAGO. Even uWu he, siw. Did you knyow him? +*shuffles closer* GWATIANyO. Knyow him! ay. +xDD IAGO. *sighs* Signyiow Gwatianyo? I cwy you gentwe pawdon; +These bwoody accidents must excuse my mannyews, +*blushes* That so nyegwected you. +GWATIANyO. I am gwad to s-see *screams* you. +IAGO. How do you, *notices bulge* Cassio? O, a :33 chaiw, a chaiw! +OwO GWATIANyO. Wodewigo! +I-IAGO. He, he, ^.^ 'tis he. [A *hugs tightly* chaiw bwought in.] O, that's weww said: +the chaiw. +Some good man beaw him cawefuwwy fwom hence; +I'ww fetch the genyewaw's suwgeon. [To Bianca.] Fow you, mistwess, +Save you youw wabow. H-He that wies swain hewe, Cassio, +*giggles shyly* Was m-my deaw *looks away* fwiend; what mawice was between you? +*screams* CASSIO. Nyonye in the wowwd; nyow do I knyow the man. +xDD IAGO. [To Bianca.] What, wook you pawe? O, beaw *giggles shyly* him out o' the aiw. +OwO Cassio and W-Wodewigo *blushes* awe bownye off. +Stay you, good gentwemen. Wook you pawe, mistwess? +Do you *looks away* pewceive the g-gastnyess of hew eye? +Nyay, if you stawe, w-we s-shaww *looks away* heaw mowe anyon. +Behowd hew weww; I pway you, wook upon hew. +Do you see, gentwemen? N-Nyay, guiwtinyess wiww speak, +Though t-tongues w-wewe out of use. + +Entew *teleports behind you* Emiwia. + +EMIWIA. 'Was, what's the *leans over* mattew? What's the mattew, husband? +IAGO. Cassio hath ^.^ hewe been set on in the d-dawk +:33 By *looks away* Wodewigo, and fewwows that awe 'scaped; +*sighs* He's :33 awmost s-swain, and Wodewigo dead. +EMIWIA. Awas, good gentweman! awas, *shuffles closer* good Cassio! +*notices bulge* IAGO. This *twerks* is the f-fwuit o-of whowing. Pwithee, Emiwia, +Go knyow of Cassio whewe *leans over* he supp'd tonyight. +:33 What, do you *screams* shake at that? +BIANCA. He supp'd *sighs* at my house; but I thewefowe shake n-nyot. +I-IAGO. O, ^-^ did he so? I-I chawge you, go with m-me. +EMIWIA. Fie, >_< fie upon >_< thee, stwumpet! +BIANCA. I am n-nyo stwumpet, OwO but of wife as honyest +As y-you that thus abuse me. +EMIWIA. As I! foh! >_< fie upon *leans over* thee! +IAGO. Kind g-gentwemen, wet's go see p-poow Cassio dwess'd. +*pokes you* Come, mistwess, you must teww's anyothew tawe. +Emiwia, wun you t-to the citadew, +A-And teww my wowd and *cries* wady *twerks* what h-hath h-happ'd! +Wiww you go on? *teleports behind you* [Aside.] This i-is *notices bulge* the nyight +T-That eithew m-makes me ow fowdoes *looks away* me quite. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE II. +A *screams* bedchambew in the castwe. Desdemonya in :33 bed a-asweep; a wight buwnying. + +Entew Othewwo. + +OTHEWWO. It is the cause, UwU it is the cause, uWu my souw. +Wet m-me nyot nyame it to you, *hugs tightly* you chaste s-staws! +It is the c-cause. Yet I'ww nyot shed hew UwU bwood, +Nyow scaw that UwU whitew skin of hews >_> than snyow +And ^w^ smooth a-as monyumentaw awabastew. +Yet she must die, ewse she'ww betway mowe men. +*pokes you* Put o-out the *looks at you* wight, and then put *hugs tightly* out the wight. +If *sighs* I quench thee, thou fwaming minyistew, +I can again *sighs* thy fowmew w-wight westowe, +Shouwd I wepent m-me; but once put out thy *moans* wight, +Thou cunnying'st pattewn of excewwing nyatuwe, +I k-knyow n-nyot *looks away* whewe is that Pwomethean h-heat +^w^ That *shuffles closer* can thy wight wewume. When I ^w^ have pwuck'd t-the *blushes* wose, +I :3 cannyot give *cuddles you* it vitaw gwowth again, +It m-must UwU nyeeds w-withew; I'ww s-smeww i-it on the twee. Kisses hew. +O, bawmy bweath, that dost awmost pewsuade +J-Justice to bweak :3 hew swowd! Onye mowe, ^-^ onye mowe; +Be thus when thou *sighs* awt dead, *sighs* and I wiww kiww thee, +A-And wove t-thee a-aftew. Onye :33 mowe, a-and *blushes* this the wast; +So s-sweet was nye'ew so *sweats* fataw. I must *blushes* weep, +But they a-awe cwuew teaws; *moans* this s-sowwow's heavenwy, +It stwikes whewe it doth wove. She wakes. +D-DESDEMONyA. Who's thewe? uWu Othewwo? +OTHEWWO. Ay, Desdemonya. +DESDEMONyA. Wiww you come to bed, *screams* my wowd? +OTHEWWO. Have you pway'd tonyight, Desdemonya? +DESDEMONyA. Ay, m-my wowd. +OTHEWWO. If y-you ^w^ bethink youwsewf of any cwime +Unweconciwed as yet to h-heaven a-and g-gwace, +Sowicit fow it stwaight. +DESDEMONyA. Awas, my *cries* wowd, what may you m-mean by that? +OTHEWWO. *cries* Weww, *notices bulge* do it, and be bwief; UwU I wiww wawk by. +I wouwd nyot k-kiww thy unpwepawed spiwit. +Nyo, heaven fowfend! I wouwd *screams* nyot kiww thy souw. +DESDEMONyA. Tawk you of *leans over* kiwwing? +OTHEWWO. Ay, I do. +DESDEMONyA. *looks away* Then h-heaven have *moans* mewcy on me! +OTHEWWO. Amen, with a-aww my heawt! +DESDEMONyA. If you say so, I >_> hope y-you wiww nyot kiww me. +OTHEWWO. Hum! +DESDEMONyA. And yet I feaw you, fow you awe f-fataw then +When youw eyes woww so. Why I shouwd feaw I knyow nyot, +S-Since guiwtinyess I ;;w;; knyow *sweats* nyot; but y-yet I-I feew :33 I feaw. +OTHEWWO. T-Think on thy sins. +DESDEMONyA. They awe woves I beaw to you. +OTHEWWO. Ay, and fow that thou diest. +DESDEMONyA. T-That *shuffles closer* death's u-unnyatuwaw that kiwws fow woving. +Awas, why *sweats* gnyaw you s-so youw nyethew wip? +Some bwoody passion shakes y-youw v-vewy fwame. +T-These awe powtents; but yet I-I hope, I hope, +They do nyot point on me. +;;w;; OTHEWWO. Peace, and *sighs* be stiww! +DESDEMONyA. OwO I wiww xDD so. What's t-the mattew? +O-OTHEWWO. That handkewchief which I *leans over* so woved and gave thee +Thou gavest to Cassio. +DESDEMONyA. Nyo, by my wife and souw! +Send fow the man, and ask him. +OTHEWWO. Sweet ;;w;; souw, take heed, +Take heed of pewjuwy; thou awe on thy *shuffles closer* deathbed. +DESDEMONyA. Ay, but nyot yet t-to die. +OTHEWWO. *blushes* Yes, *screams* pwesentwy: +Thewefowe confess ;;w;; thee fweewy of t-thy sin, +Fow to deny each awticwe with oath +Cannyot w-wemove nyow choke the stwong conception +That *looks away* I do gwoan w-withaw. Thou awt to *sweats* die. +DESDEMONyA. Then Wowd h-have *moans* mewcy on me! +OTHEWWO. *sweats* I say, amen. +DESDEMONyA. And *screams* have you mewcy too! >_< I nyevew did +Offend you in my *pokes you* wife; nyevew woved Cassio +But with such g-genyewaw *shuffles closer* wawwanty of heaven +As I might wove. I n-nyevew gave him token. +OTHEWWO. By heaven, I saw my handkewchief in 's hand. +*screams* O pewjuwed woman! Thou dost stonye my heawt, +A-And *moans* makest me caww w-what I ^.^ intend to ^-^ do +A muwthew, which I thought a *shuffles closer* sacwifice. +I saw the handkewchief. +DESDEMONyA. He found it then; +I n-nyevew gave it him. *pokes you* Send fow him hithew; +Wet h-him confess a twuth. +OTHEWWO. He hath confess'd. +DESDEMONyA. x3 What, my w-wowd? +O-OTHEWWO. That he hath used thee. +DESDEMONyA. How? *notices bulge* unwawfuwwy? +OTHEWWO. A-Ay. +DESDEMONyA. He wiww nyot *hugs tightly* say so. +OTHEWWO. Nyo, his ^-^ mouth is stopp'd; +Honyest Iago hath ta'en owdew fow't. +DESDEMONyA. O, my feaw intewpwets! What, is he x3 dead? +xDD OTHEWWO. Had aww h-his haiws been UwU wives, my gweat ^.^ wevenge +Had stomach fow *sweats* them aww. +DESDEMONyA. A-Awas, >_< he is betway'd, and I undonye! +OTHEWWO. Out, stwumpet! Weep'st thou fow him to my face? +^.^ DESDEMONyA. O, banyish me, my wowd, *looks away* but kiww me n-nyot! +OTHEWWO. Down, stwumpet! +DESDEMONyA. Kiww me xDD tomowwow; wet me wive tonyight! +OTHEWWO. Nyay, if you stwive- +*cries* DESDEMONyA. But hawf an houw! +O-OTHEWWO. Being donye, thewe i-is nyo *cuddles you* pause. +DESDEMONyA. But w-whiwe *screams* I say o-onye pwayew! +OTHEWWO. *looks at you* It i-is too wate. He stifwes hew. +EMIWIA. [-[Within.] :3 My wowd, my wowd! What, ^w^ ho! my wowd, my wowd! +OTHEWWO. What nyoise is this? Nyot dead? nyot yet xDD quite dead? +I that am cwuew a-am ^-^ yet mewcifuw; +*looks at you* I wouwd nyot h-have thee wingew i-in t-thy pain. +So, so. +EMIWIA. [Within.] What, ho! my wowd, my wowd! +OTHEWWO. Who's thewe? +EMIWIA. [Within.] O, good my w-wowd, I wouwd speak a wowd with *sweats* you! +O-OTHEWWO. Yes, 'tis E-Emiwia. By and by. *giggles shyly* She's dead. +'Tis wike s-she comes *leans over* to speak *pokes you* of Cassio's death. +The nyoise was uWu hewe. ^-^ Ha! nyo mowe moving? +Stiww a-as the gwave. S-Shaww she c-come i-in? wewe't good? +I think she stiws again. N-Nyo. What's *looks away* best to do? +If she come in, she'ww *looks at you* suwe speak t-to my wife. +My wife! M-My wife! What wife? ^.^ I have nyo w-wife. +O, insuppowtabwe! O heavy *twerks* houw! +Methinks it shouwd ^w^ be nyow a-a huge ecwipse +Of sun :3 and moon, and that t-the affwighted gwobe +Shouwd yawn at awtewation. +*blushes* EMIWIA. [Within.] I do beseech y-you +That I may speak with you, O-O, good my wowd! +OTHEWWO. I had fowgot thee. O, come in, Emiwia. +Soft, by a-and by. W-Wet me *twerks* the cuwtains dwaw. +*pokes you* Whewe *screams* awt thou? Unwocks the doow. + +Entew Emiwia. + +What's the mattew with thee nyow? +EMIWIA. O, my good wowd, *giggles shyly* yondew's fouw *screams* muwthews d-donye! +*moans* OTHEWWO. What, nyow? +EMIWIA. But nyow, my w-wowd. +OTHEWWO. *teleports behind you* It uWu is :3 the vewy e-ewwow of the *blushes* moon; +^.^ She comes mowe nyeawew UwU eawth than she *shuffles closer* was wont +And makes m-men mad. +EMIWIA. Cassio, *shuffles closer* my *cuddles you* wowd, ;;w;; hath kiww'd a young *teleports behind you* Venyetian +Caww'd Wodewigo. +OTHEWWO. Wodewigo :33 kiww'd? +And Cassio kiww'd? +EMIWIA. Nyo, Cassio is nyot k-kiww'd. +OTHEWWO. Nyot uWu Cassio kiww'd! Then muwthew's out of tunye, +And sweet *looks away* wevenge :33 gwows hawsh. +DESDEMONyA. O, fawsewy, fawsewy muwthew'd! +EMIWIA. Awas, what cwy is t-that? +UwU OTHEWWO. That? what? +EMIWIA. OwO Out, :3 and awas! That *moans* was xDD my w-wady's voice. +Hewp! hewp, ^-^ ho! hewp! O wady, speak again! +Sweet Desdemonya! O-O sweet mistwess, speak! +DESDEMONyA. A guiwtwess death I d-die. +*giggles shyly* EMIWIA. O, who hath donye this deed? +DESDEMONyA. *hugs tightly* Nyobody; I-I m-mysewf. Faweweww; +Commend me to my k-kind wowd. O, f-faweweww! *sighs* Dies. +OTHEWWO. Why, how shouwd she be m-muwthew'd? +*leans over* EMIWIA. Awas, who knyows? +OTHEWWO. You heawd hew say hewsewf, it ^-^ was nyot I. +EMIWIA. She said so; I must nyeeds wepowt ^.^ the twuth. +OTHEWWO. :3 She's wike a wiaw gonye to buwnying heww; +'Twas x3 I that kiww'd hew. +:33 EMIWIA. O-O, t-the mowe angew she, +And you the bwackew deviw! +*looks away* OTHEWWO. She tuwn'd *screams* to f-fowwy, and she was a whowe. +E-EMIWIA. Thou dost bewie hew, and thou awt a deviw. +OTHEWWO. She was fawse a-as watew. +E-EMIWIA. Thou awt w-wash as fiwe, *looks away* to say +That s-she was fawse. O, she was h-heavenwy twue! +OTHEWWO. Cassio did top hew; ask thy husband ewse. +*sweats* O, I w-wewe damn'd >_> benyeath a-aww depth in h-heww, +But that I >_> did *sweats* pwoceed upon just gwounds +To this extwemity. Thy h-husband knyew it *moans* aww. +EMIWIA. M-My husband? +OTHEWWO. Thy husband. +EMIWIA. That she was f-fawse to wedwock? +OTHEWWO. *notices bulge* Ay, *pokes you* with Cassio. Nyay, had she been twue, +^-^ If uWu heaven wouwd make me such a-anyothew wowwd +>_> Of onye *leans over* entiwe and pewfect *blushes* chwysowite, +I-I'wd n-nyot have sowd *sighs* hew fow it. +EMIWIA. My husband? +OTHEWWO. Ay, 'twas he that towd *notices bulge* me f-fiwst. +A-An honyest man h-he is, and ;;w;; hates the swime +That sticks *looks away* on fiwthy deeds. +EMIWIA. My h-husband? +OTHEWWO. What nyeeds this itewation, woman? *looks away* I say thy husband. +*moans* EMIWIA. O mistwess, viwwainy hath made mocks with wove! +My husband say that *cuddles you* she w-was fawse! +O-OTHEWWO. H-He, woman; +I say x3 thy husband. Dost u-undewstand the *cries* wowd? +My fwiend, thy husband, honyest, honyest ^.^ Iago. +EMIWIA. If he s-say UwU so, may his p-pewnyicious souw +Wot hawf xDD a gwain a day! H-He wies to the heawt. +She was too fond of hew m-most f-fiwthy bawgain. +OTHEWWO. Ha! +EMIWIA. Do thy wowst; +This deed of t-thinye is nyo m-mowe wowthy heaven +Than thou wast wowthy hew. +O-OTHEWWO. Peace, you wewe best. +*cries* EMIWIA. Thou hast n-nyot hawf that powew to do me hawm +As I have *cuddles you* to be huwt. O guww! O ;;w;; dowt! +As ignyowant as diwt! *looks away* Thou hast donye a d-deed- +I cawe n-nyot fow t-thy s-swowd; I'ww make thee knyown, +Though I wost twenty wives. Hewp! hewp, ho! hewp! +The Moow hath kiww'd my mistwess! OwO Muwthew, muwthew! + +x3 Entew Montanyo, Gwatianyo, ^w^ Iago, OwO and othews. + +MONTANyO. What is :33 the mattew? >w< How nyow, genyewaw? +EMIWIA. O, awe you come, Iago? You have donye weww, +*leans over* That men must w-way t-theiw muwthews *leans over* on *moans* youw nyeck. +GWATIANyO. What is the mattew? +EMIWIA. Dispwove this viwwain, if thou be'st a m-man. +He says thou towd'st *notices bulge* him t-that his *sweats* wife was fawse; +I *teleports behind you* knyow thou didst n-nyot, thou'wt *pokes you* nyot s-such a viwwain. +Speak, fow my heawt is fuww. +IAGO. I towd him what I-I t-thought, and towd nyo *moans* mowe +Than what he found himsewf was apt and twue. +*cries* EMIWIA. But did you evew teww him she was fawse? +*sweats* IAGO. I did. +EMIWIA. You towd *moans* a *cries* wie, an odious, damnyed w-wie; +Upon m-my souw, a wie, a wicked wie! +She fawse with Cassio? Did you say w-with C-Cassio? +IAGO. W-With Cassio, mistwess. Go to, chawm youw tongue. +EMIWIA. >_> I wiww nyot chawm my tongue; I am bound to speak. +M-My m-mistwess hewe wies muwthew'd in hew x3 bed- +AWW. *screams* O *twerks* heavens fowfend! +EMIWIA. A-And youw wepowts *cuddles you* have set *shuffles closer* the muwthew >_< on. +uWu OTHEWWO. xDD Nyay, stawe nyot, mastews; it *blushes* is twue indeed. +GWATIANyO. 'Tis a stwange twuth. +>_< MONTANyO. O monstwous act! +E-EMIWIA. Viwwainy, v-viwwainy, viwwainy! +I ^w^ think u-upon't, I t-think, I smeww't, O v-viwwainy! +I thought UwU so then. I'ww kiww mysewf fow g-gwief. +O viwwainy, viwwainy! +>_> IAGO. What, awe y-you mad? I-I chawge you, get you home. +EMIWIA. Good gentwemen, wet me OwO have weave to speak; +'Tis pwopew I obey him, but nyot nyow. +Pewchance, Iago, I wiww nye'ew go home. +*cuddles you* OTHEWWO. O! O! ^w^ O! Fawws on t-the bed. +EMIWIA. Nyay, way thee down and woaw; +Fow thou *hugs tightly* hast ;;w;; kiww'd the *leans over* sweetest innyocent +That e'ew did wift up eye. +:33 OTHEWWO. [Wises.] O-O, she was *teleports behind you* fouw! +I scawce *looks away* did knyow y-you, uncwe; thewe wies youw nyiece, +Whose bweath indeed these hands *screams* have nyewwy stopp'd. +I knyow this act s-shows *hugs tightly* howwibwe *shuffles closer* and *looks away* gwim. +G-GWATIANyO. Poow *notices bulge* Desdemon! I am gwad OwO thy fathew's dead. +*sighs* Thy m-match was mowtaw to him, a-and >_< puwe gwief +Showe his owd thwead in twain; *shuffles closer* did he wive nyow, +This sight wouwd make him do a despewate tuwn, +Yea, cuwse h-his *sweats* bettew angew f-fwom his :3 side, +And faww to wepwobation. +OTHEWWO. 'Tis pitifuw, but yet Iago knyows +That she with C-Cassio hath t-the act *looks away* of >w< shame +A thousand times committed. Cassio confess'd it, +And she :3 did gwatify his amowous wowks +With that wecognyizance *looks at you* and pwedge of wove +>w< Which I *sweats* fiwst *screams* gave hew. I saw *cuddles you* it in his hand, +It was a handkewchief, *twerks* an antique t-token +My fathew gave my mothew. +E-EMIWIA. O heaven! O heavenwy ^w^ powews! +IAGO. 'Zounds! Howd youw peace. +EMIWIA. '-'Twiww o-out, 'twiww. I peace? +*looks at you* Nyo, I w-wiww speak *cries* as wibewaw as the nyowth; +*moans* Wet heaven and men and d-deviws, wet them aww, +Aww, aww, cwy s-shame *notices bulge* against me, yet I'ww speak. +IAGO. Be wise, and :33 get you home. +E-EMIWIA. I *cuddles you* wiww nyot. +Iago offews to stab Emiwia. +*leans over* GWATIANyO. Fie! +Youw s-swowd upon a *cries* woman? +EMIWIA. O-O thou duww Moow! That handkewchief OwO thou speak'st of +I-I found by fowtunye a-and *cries* did give m-my husband, +Fow often with a *blushes* sowemn eawnyestnyess, +Mowe than indeed *looks at you* bewong'd to such a twifwe, +He begg'd ^-^ of me to steaw it. +I-IAGO. Viwwainyous *blushes* whowe! +EMIWIA. She g-give it Cassio? Nyo, ;;w;; awas, I-I found it, +And I did give't my husband. +IAGO. Fiwth, thou wiest! +E-EMIWIA. By heaven, I do n-nyot, I do nyot, ;;w;; gentwemen. +O muwthewous coxcomb! What *looks at you* shouwd such a foow +Do with so good a wife? +*cries* OTHEWWO. Awe thewe nyot *screams* stonyes in heaven +But what sewve fow thundew? Pwecious viwwain! +*cries* He wuns at Iago, but M-Montanyo +disawms him. Iago s-stabs Emiwia. +GWATIANyO. The woman fawws; suwe, he hath kiww'd his wife. +EMIWIA. Ay, ay! O, way me by my *looks away* mistwess' side. Exit Iago. +GWATIANyO. He's g-gonye, but his wife's kiww'd. +MONTANyO. 'Tis a nyotowious viwwain. *screams* Take you this w-weapon, +Which I-I have hewe wecovew'd fwom the Moow. +Come, guawd the doow without; wet h-him nyot p-pass, +But kiww *notices bulge* him wathew. I'ww aftew that same viwwain, +*hugs tightly* Fow 'tis *blushes* a damnyed swave. Exeunt aww but Othewwo *shuffles closer* and Emiwia. +OTHEWWO. *looks away* I a-am nyot vawiant nyeithew, +*giggles shyly* But evewy p-puny whipstew gets my >_> swowd. +But why shouwd uWu honyow outwive honyesty? +*notices bulge* Wet i-it go aww. +EMIWIA. What did thy ^.^ song >w< bode, wady? +Hawk, canst thou heaw me? I wiww *giggles shyly* pway the swan, +And *sighs* die i-in music. [Sings.] "Wiwwow, wiwwow, wiwwow." +Moow, she was *teleports behind you* chaste; she ^.^ woved t-thee, c-cwuew Moow; +*screams* So come m-my souw to *pokes you* bwiss, *looks away* as I ^.^ speak twue; +So :3 speaking as I think, I die, I die. *notices bulge* Dies. +*pokes you* OTHEWWO. I have anyothew weapon in this chambew; +It is a-a swowd of Spain, the ice-bwook's tempew- +O, hewe it is. Uncwe, I-I must come *notices bulge* fowth. +GWATIANyO. [Within.] If thou attempt it, it wiww cost thee deaw. +Thou hast >_< nyo weapon, and pewfowce *moans* must suffew. +OTHEWWO. Wook in upon me *teleports behind you* then, and speak with me, +Ow, nyaked as I am, I wiww assauwt thee. + +^-^ We-entew Gwatianyo. + +*sighs* GWATIANyO. *shuffles closer* What is t-the >w< mattew? +:3 OTHEWWO. Behowd, I-I have a weapon; +A bettew *moans* nyevew did itsewf sustain +Upon a-a sowdiew's thigh. I have seen t-the *giggles shyly* day +That w-with this wittwe awm ^w^ and this good swowd +I have made my way t-thwough mowe impediments +Than t-twenty times youw s-stop. *shuffles closer* But, O vain boast! +:33 Who *twerks* can contwow his f-fate? 'Tis nyot so nyow. +Be nyot afwaid, though you do see me weapon'd; +Hewe is my jouwnyey's end, *looks away* hewe is my butt +And vewy *pokes you* sea-mawk of UwU my utmost saiw. +Do *looks at you* you go back *pokes you* dismay'd? *screams* 'Tis a-a wost f-feaw. +Man but a wush against Othewwo's bweast, +And h-he ^w^ wetiwes. *leans over* Whewe shouwd Othewwo g-go? +Nyow, how d-dost t-thou wook nyow? O iww-staww'd wench! +Pawe as thy smock! When we shaww meet at compt, +This wook o-of *looks away* thinye wiww huww my souw fwom heaven, +And fiends wiww snyatch at it. C-Cowd, *blushes* cowd, my ^.^ giww? +Even wike thy chastity. O cuwsed, cuwsed swave! +W-Whip m-me, ye deviws, +Fwom the possession of this heavenwy s-sight! +Bwow me about in winds! Woast me i-in suwphuw! +Wash me i-in steep-down guwfs of wiquid fiwe! +O D-Desdemon! dead, Desdemon! *sweats* dead! +O! O! O-O! + +Entew Wodovico, Montanyo, *cries* Cassio cawwied i-in a chaiw, +and Officews with Iago, pwisonyew. + +WODOVICO. Whewe is this wash and most unfowtunyate man? +OTHEWWO. *hugs tightly* That's he *cries* that w-was Othewwo. Hewe I am. +W-WODOVICO. W-Whewe is that *cries* vipew? Bwing t-the viwwain fowth. +OTHEWWO. I wook down towawds his feet; but that's a-a fabwe. +If *leans over* that thou b-be'st a deviw, I ^.^ cannyot kiww thee. Wounds Iago. +*teleports behind you* WODOVICO. W-Wwench his *giggles shyly* swowd fwom *cuddles you* him. +IAGO. I bweed, siw, but nyot kiww'd. +OTHEWWO. I am x3 nyot sowwy nyeithew. I'wd have thee w-wive, +Fow, in my sense, 'tis *shuffles closer* happinyess UwU to die. +*shuffles closer* WODOVICO. O thou *twerks* Othewwo, t-that wewt once so good, +Faww'n in the pwactice of a damnyed swave, +What shaww b-be said t-to thee? +OTHEWWO. W-Why, anything; +A-An honyowabwe :3 muwthewew, if y-you w-wiww, +*giggles shyly* Fow nyought did I-I in h-hate, but aww in >w< honyow. +WODOVICO. This ^.^ wwetch hath pawt confess'd his viwwainy. +Did *twerks* you *looks away* and he consent *sweats* in *cries* Cassio's death? +OTHEWWO. Ay. +CASSIO. Deaw genyewaw, I nyevew uWu gave y-you cause. +OTHEWWO. I do bewieve it, and I ask youw pawdon. +Wiww you, ;;w;; I p-pway, demand t-that demi-deviw +*looks away* Why he *sweats* hath thus ensnyawed my souw and body? +IAGO. *twerks* Demand me nyothing; what you knyow, you *cuddles you* knyow. +Fwom this time f-fowth I nyevew wiww speak wowd. +WODOVICO. What, uWu nyot to pway? +GWATIANyO. *screams* Towments wiww ope youw wips. +OTHEWWO. Weww, thou dost *screams* best. +*screams* WODOVICO. Siw, you shaww undewstand what hath befaww'n, +Which, as I think, you k-knyow nyot. Hewe *notices bulge* is a w-wettew +Found in the pocket of the swain Wodewigo, +And hewe anyothew. The onye of *moans* them impowts +T-The death of Cassio to be undewtook +By Wodewigo. +*cries* OTHEWWO. O viwwain! +C-CASSIO. Most *cuddles you* heathenyish and ^.^ most gwoss! +WODOVICO. Nyow hewe's anyothew >w< discontented papew, +Found in his pocket OwO too; and t-this, it seems, +Wodewigo meant to *looks away* have sent this damnyed viwwain; +But that, bewike, Iago in the intewim +C-Came in and satisfied *screams* him. +OTHEWWO. O the pewnyicious caitiff! +How came you, Cassio, by that handkewchief +That was my w-wife's? +CASSIO. I found it in *giggles shyly* my chambew; +And he himsewf confess'd but even n-nyow +That *cries* thewe he dwopp'd it fow *shuffles closer* a speciaw p-puwpose +Which *pokes you* wwought to his desiwe. +OTHEWWO. O foow! foow! foow! +*screams* CASSIO. Thewe is besides in *screams* Wodewigo's wettew, +How he u-upbwaids Iago, that he made h-him +B-Bwave me upon *blushes* the watch, wheweon it came +T-That I was cast. And even but n-nyow he spake +Aftew wong seeming xDD dead, Iago huwt him, +Iago set him on. +WODOVICO. You must fowsake this woom, and go with us. +Youw powew and y-youw command is taken off, +And *looks at you* Cassio ^w^ wuwes in Cypwus. Fow this swave, +If thewe be any c-cunnying cwuewty +That can towment him much a-and howd him wong, +I-It *cuddles you* shaww be his. You shaww cwose pwisonyew west, +Tiww t-that the nyatuwe of *giggles shyly* youw fauwt *looks at you* be knyown +To the Venyetian state. Come, bwing away. +OTHEWWO. Soft you; *looks away* a wowd *cuddles you* ow two befowe you go. +I have donye *cries* the s-state s-some sewvice, and they knyow't. +>w< Nyo ^w^ mowe of that. I p-pway you, in youw wettews, +When you shaww ^.^ these unwucky deeds w-wewate, +Speak of me as I am; nyothing e-extenyuate, +*giggles shyly* Nyow set down aught in mawice. T-Then must you speak +Of ;;w;; onye that woved nyot >_> wisewy but too w-weww; +Of *leans over* onye :33 nyot easiwy j-jeawous, but, being w-wwought, +P-Pewpwex'd in the *pokes you* extweme; of onye *sighs* whose hand, +Wike t-the base I-Indian, thwew *notices bulge* a peaww away +Wichew than *teleports behind you* aww *sweats* his twibe; of :3 onye whose subdued eyes, +Awbeit *twerks* unyused to the mewting mood, +Dwop teaws as fast as the Awabian x3 twees +Theiw *hugs tightly* medicinyaw OwO gum. Set y-you down this; +And s-say besides, that in Aweppo once, +Whewe ^w^ a mawignyant and *shuffles closer* a tuwban'd T-Tuwk +Beat a Venyetian >_< and twaduced the state, +I took by the thwoat the ciwcumcised dog +And smote him, thus. Stabs himsewf. +WODOVICO. O bwoody pewiod! +GWATIANyO. Aww >_< that's ;;w;; spoke i-is maww'd. +OTHEWWO. I kiss'd thee ewe I kiww'd thee. Nyo w-way but this, +Kiwwing m-mysewf, to die upon a kiss. +Fawws *blushes* on the bed, and dies. +CASSIO. *screams* This did I *pokes you* feaw, b-but thought he h-had nyo weapon; +Fow >_< he w-was gweat of heawt. +WODOVICO. [To Iago.] O ^.^ Spawtan dog, +Mowe feww than anguish, hungew, ow the sea! +Wook on t-the twagic woading of this bed; +^.^ This is thy wowk. The object poisons sight; +Wet it *pokes you* be hid. G-Gwatianyo, *looks at you* keep the house, +And seize upon the fowtunyes of the *hugs tightly* Moow, +Fow they succeed on you. *looks at you* To *sweats* you, W-Wowd Govewnyow, +W-Wemains the censuwe of t-this hewwish viwwain, +T-The time, ;;w;; the pwace, t-the towtuwe. O-O, enfowce it! +Mysewf *cries* wiww stwaight aboawd, and t-to the state +This heavy act with heavy *hugs tightly* heawt wewate. Exeunt. + + +THE END + + + +<> + + + + + +*hugs tightly* 1596 + + +KING WICHAWD THE SECOND + + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE + +KING :3 WICHAWD THE SECOND +JOHN OF GAUNT, *giggles shyly* Duke *leans over* of Wancastew - uncwe to the King +>w< EDMUND WANGWEY, Duke of Yowk - uncwe t-to the King +HENWY, suwnyamed BOWINGBWOKE, Duke of Hewefowd, son of +John of Gaunt, a-aftewwawds *leans over* King Henwy IV +DUKE OF AUMEWWE, son of the Duke of Y-Yowk +THOMAS MOWBWAY, Duke o-of *screams* Nyowfowk +DUKE OF SUWWEY +EAWW OF SAWISBUWY +*sighs* EAWW >_> BEWKEWEY +*moans* BUSHY - f-favouwites of King Wichawd +BAGOT - *sweats* " " " " +GWEEN *shuffles closer* - " " " " +EAWW OF NyOWTHUMBEWWAND +HENWY PEWCY, suwnyamed HOTSPUW, his son +WOWD Woss WOWD WIWWOUGHBY +x3 WOWD FITZWATEW BISHOP *shuffles closer* OF CAWWISWE +ABBOT OF *shuffles closer* WESTMINSTEW WOWD >_> MAWSHAW +S-SIW *leans over* STEPHEN :3 SCWOOP SIW PIEWCE OF EXTON +^w^ CAPTAIN o-of a uWu band of Wewshmen TWO G-GAWDENyEWS + +QUEEN t-to King Wichawd +DUCHESS OF ^.^ YOWK +DUCHESS OF GWOUCESTEW, widow of *screams* Thomas of Woodstock, +Duke ;;w;; of G-Gwoucestew +WADY *hugs tightly* attending on the Queen + +uWu Wowds, *screams* Hewawds, Officews, Sowdiews, Keepew, Messengew, +*cries* Gwoom, uWu and o-othew Attendants + + + + +<w< BY WOWWD uWu WIBWAWY, INC., uWu AND IS +PWOVIDED BY P-PWOJECT *sighs* GUTENBEWG ETEXT O-OF IWWINyOIS *hugs tightly* BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY *cuddles you* BE +DISTWIBUTED *moans* SO WONG A-AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE F-FOW YOUW OW O-OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE *sighs* ONWY, AND (-(2) AWE N-NyOT *sweats* DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >_< OW FOW M-MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +Engwand and *teleports behind you* Wawes + + +ACT I. SCENyE I. +Wondon. The >w< pawace + +Entew *sweats* WICHAWD, JOHN OF uWu GAUNT, with othew NyOBWES and attendants + +KING W-WICHAWD. Owd J-John of Gaunt, *notices bulge* time-honyouwed Wancastew, +Hast thou, ^-^ accowding to t-thy *looks at you* oath and band, +*sweats* Bwought hithew Henwy *shuffles closer* Hewefowd, thy b-bowd son, +Hewe t-to m-make good the boist'wous wate appeaw, +Which then ouw weisuwe wouwd nyot *looks at you* wet us *twerks* heaw, +Against *shuffles closer* the *giggles shyly* Duke of Nyowfowk, Thomas Mowbway? +GAUNT. I have, my *shuffles closer* wiege. +KING *moans* WICHAWD. Teww me, moweovew, hast thou sounded ^w^ him +If he appeaw the Duke on ancient m-mawice, +*cries* Ow wowthiwy, as a good s-subject shouwd, +On *leans over* some k-knyown gwound of tweachewy in him? +GAUNT. As n-nyeaw as I couwd sift him on ^.^ that awgument, +On some appawent dangew seen in him +^.^ Aim'd at youw Highnyess-nyo invetewate m-mawice. +K-KING WICHAWD. Then c-caww *blushes* them to o-ouw pwesence: face to face +And fwownying bwow to bwow, ouwsewves wiww heaw +T-The accusew and the accused fweewy speak. +High-stomach'd awe they *cuddles you* both and fuww of iwe, +In wage, deaf as the s-sea, hasty as fiwe. + +Entew BOWINGBWOKE *cries* and MOWBWAY + +BOWINGBWOKE. Many yeaws of happy >_> days *shuffles closer* befaww +My gwacious soveweign, m-my most woving wiege! +MOWBWAY. Each day stiww bettew o-othew's happinyess +Untiw the heavens, envying eawth's good xDD hap, +Add an immowtaw t-titwe *shuffles closer* to youw cwown! +KING WICHAWD. W-We thank you both; yet onye but fwattews us, +As weww a-appeaweth b-by t-the ^-^ cause *giggles shyly* you c-come; +Nyamewy, ^w^ to appeaw e-each othew of high tweason. +*cuddles you* Cousin of Hewefowd, what dost t-thou object +Against the Duke of Nyowfowk, >_< Thomas Mowbway? +BOWINGBWOKE. Fiwst-heaven be the wecowd to my speech! +In the devotion of a subject's wove, +Tend'wing the pwecious safety of my pwince, +And fwee fwom othew misbegotten hate, +Come I appewwant to this pwincewy pwesence. +Nyow, Thomas :33 Mowbway, do I tuwn >_> to thee, +^-^ And mawk my g-gweeting weww; fow w-what I speak +My body shaww make good *looks at you* upon this e-eawth, +*hugs tightly* Ow my d-divinye souw answew it in heaven- +Thou *notices bulge* awt *teleports behind you* a t-twaitow a-and a *teleports behind you* miscweant, +^-^ Too good to xDD be so, and too b-bad to wive, +Since the m-mowe faiw and cwystaw *cuddles you* is t-the sky, +The u-ugwiew seem the cwouds t-that in it fwy. +Once mowe, ^-^ the mowe to aggwavate the nyote, +With a fouw twaitow's nyame stuff I thy thwoat; +And wish-so UwU pwease my *pokes you* soveweign-ewe I ^w^ move, +What *looks away* my *blushes* tongue speaks, my wight *pokes you* dwawn swowd may pwove. +OwO MOWBWAY. Wet nyot my cowd wowds hewe a-accuse my ;;w;; zeaw. +'Tis nyot the twiaw of ^.^ a woman's w-waw, +The b-bittew cwamouw of t-two *giggles shyly* eagew t-tongues, +Can awbitwate this cause betwixt us twain; +The bwood >w< is hot *screams* that must be coow'd fow t-this. +Yet can I-I nyot of *giggles shyly* such tame patience b-boast +As to *moans* be hush'd a-and ^w^ nyought at an >_> to say. +F-Fiwst, the faiw w-wevewence of *pokes you* youw *hugs tightly* Highnyess cuwbs me +F-Fwom giving weins and spuws ^w^ to my fwee speech; +Which e-ewse wouwd post untiw it had wetuwn'd +T-These tewms *sweats* of tweason doubwed down his thwoat. +Setting aside h-his high bwood's woyawty, +And wet him be nyo k-kinsman *screams* to my *pokes you* wiege, +I do defy him, and I s-spit *sweats* at *leans over* him, +Caww him *moans* a s-swandewous c-cowawd and a *shuffles closer* viwwain; +Which to maintain, I w-wouwd awwow h-him o-odds +And meet him, wewe *moans* I tied to UwU wun a-afoot +E-Even to the fwozen *cries* widges of t-the Awps, +xDD Ow any othew gwound inhabitabwe +Whewe evew Engwishman duwst set his foot. +>w< Meantime w-wet this defend my woyawty- +B-By aww my hopes, most fawsewy doth he wie +BOWINGBWOKE. ;;w;; Pawe twembwing cowawd, thewe I thwow my gage, +D-Discwaiming hewe the kindwed o-of the King; +And way aside my high bwood's woyawty, +W-Which feaw, nyot *teleports behind you* wevewence, makes thee to except. +If guiwty dwead have weft UwU thee so much stwength +*looks at you* As to OwO take *cries* up minye honyouw's pawn, then stoop. +By x3 that and aww the wites of knyighthood ewse +Wiww I-I make good against thee, awm to awm, +:33 What I have spoke ow thou canst wowst devise. +MOWBWAY. I t-take it up; and by that swowd I sweaw +Which g-gentwy waid *looks at you* my knyighthood on my shouwdew +I-I'ww a-answew thee in any faiw degwee +Ow chivawwous *screams* design *sweats* of knyightwy t-twiaw; +And when I mount, awive may I n-nyot wight +I-If I be twaitow ow x3 unjustwy fight! +*notices bulge* KING WICHAWD. W-What doth ouw cousin way to Mowbway's chawge? +I-It must *hugs tightly* be gweat *teleports behind you* that can inhewit us +So much as of a >_< thought UwU of iww in :3 him. +BOWINGBWOKE. W-Wook what I speak, my wife shaww pwove it :3 twue- +T-That Mowbway hath weceiv'd eight thousand nyobwes +In nyame of *teleports behind you* wendings fow youw Highnyess' sowdiews, +The which he hath detain'd fow wewd empwoyments +Wike a fawse >w< twaitow UwU and injuwious viwwain. +B-Besides, I say and wiww in battwe pwove- +Ow h-hewe, ow ewsewhewe to the fuwthest vewge +That evew w-was suwvey'd by Engwish eye- +That aww the tweasons f-fow these eighteen ^w^ yeaws +Compwotted and contwived ^.^ in this wand +Fetch fwom fawse Mowbway theiw fiwst head and spwing. +Fuwthew *sweats* I say, and fuwthew *sweats* wiww maintain +Upon his bad wife t-to make aww t-this good, +That h-he *notices bulge* did pwot the Duke of G-Gwoucestew's death, +S-Suggest his *looks away* soon-bewieving advewsawies, +*moans* And consequentwy, >_< wike a twaitow cowawd, +Swuic'd out his innyocent s-souw *cries* thwough stweams of >_> bwood; +Which bwood, wike sacwificing Abew's, c-cwies, +Even fwom the t-tonguewess cavewns of the eawth, +*cuddles you* To me fow justice and wough chastisement; +And, uWu by the uWu gwowious w-wowth of my descent, +This awm shaww do it, ow ^.^ this wife :33 be spent. +KING *looks away* WICHAWD. How h-high a-a pitch his w-wesowution soaws! +Thomas of Nyowfowk, *moans* what *shuffles closer* say'st thou to this? +MOWBWAY. O-O, wet m-my soveweign tuwn away his face +And bid his eaws a wittwe whiwe be deaf, +Tiww I have towd this swandew of his bwood +H-How uWu God *notices bulge* and good men hate so fouw a wiaw. +KING WICHAWD. Mowbway, impawtiaw awe ouw eyes a-and caws. +Wewe he my b-bwothew, nyay, my kingdom's heiw, +As he is but my *giggles shyly* fathew's b-bwothew's son, +N-Nyow by my sceptwe's awe I-I m-make a vow, +Such nyeighbouw nyeawnyess to o-ouw sacwed b-bwood +^.^ Shouwd nyothing pwiviwege him nyow pawtiawize +>w< The ^-^ unstooping fiwmnyess of my upwight souw. +He *sweats* is ouw subject, M-Mowbway; s-so awt thou: +Fwee speech and feawwess I to t-thee *notices bulge* awwow. +MOWBWAY. Then, Bowingbwoke, as wow as to thy h-heawt, +Thwough the fawse passage of thy thwoat, thou wiest. +Thwee pawts of that w-weceipt UwU I h-had fow ^-^ Cawais +UwU Disbuws'd I d-duwy to his Highnyess' sowdiews; +The othew pawt wesewv'd I by uWu consent, +:3 Fow that my *shuffles closer* soveweign wiege was in my debt +Upon wemaindew of a deaw account +Since wast I went to Fwance *teleports behind you* to f-fetch his queen: +Nyow s-swawwow *sighs* down that wie. *hugs tightly* Fow G-Gwoucestew's death- +I swew him nyot, but to my own disgwace +N-Nyegwected my swown duty in t-that case. +Fow you, my nyobwe Wowd of W-Wancastew, +The *blushes* honyouwabwe fathew to m-my *cuddles you* foe, +Once did *pokes you* I way an ambush fow youw w-wife, +A twespass t-that d-doth vex my gwieved souw; +But ewe I wast *looks away* weceiv'd the sacwament +I did confess *blushes* it, and *blushes* exactwy *sighs* begg'd +Youw Gwace's pawdon; OwO and I h-hope I had it. +This *leans over* is my fauwt. A-As fow the west appeaw'd, +It issues fwom the wancouw of a viwwain, +A wecweant and *looks at you* most degenyewate *twerks* twaitow; +Which in mysewf I bowdwy wiww defend, +And intewchangeabwy huww down m-my gage +*twerks* Upon this ovewweenying twaitow's foot +To pwove mysewf a woyaw gentweman +Even i-in the best *moans* bwood chambew'd in h-his bosom. +In haste wheweof, most heawtiwy *giggles shyly* I pway +Youw Highnyess to assign o-ouw twiaw day. +*hugs tightly* KING WICHAWD. Wwath-kindwed gentwemen, be wuw'd by me; +Wet's puwge *giggles shyly* this chowew without wetting b-bwood- +This *hugs tightly* we pwescwibe, though nyo physician; +D-Deep mawice makes too d-deep incision. +Fowget, fowgive; concwude and be a-agweed: +Ouw doctows say this is nyo m-month to bweed. +Good u-uncwe, wet this end whewe it b-begun; +W-We'ww cawm *moans* the Duke of N-Nyowfowk, you youw son. +GAUNT. To *moans* be a make-peace s-shaww *cuddles you* become my age. +*looks at you* Thwow *hugs tightly* down, my son, t-the Duke of Nyowfowk's UwU gage. +KING WICHAWD. And, Nyowfowk, t-thwow d-down his. +GAUNT. When, Hawwy, OwO when? +Obedience bids I shouwd nyot bid again. +K-KING WICHAWD. Nyowfowk, thwow down; we bid. +Thewe is nyo boot. +MOWBWAY. Mysewf I x3 thwow, dwead soveweign, at thy foot; +My wife thou shawt command, but nyot my shame: +The onye my duty owes; but my faiw nyame, +Despite of death, that wives u-upon my gwave +*giggles shyly* To dawk dishonyouw's use thou shawt nyot have. +*twerks* I am disgwac'd, impeach'd, and baffw'd hewe; +*looks at you* Piewc'd to the souw with swandew's >_> venyom'd speaw, +The *blushes* which nyo bawm can cuwe but his heawt-bwood +Which bweath'd this poison. +KING W-WICHAWD. uWu Wage must be w-withstood: +Give me h-his gage-wions make weopawds *notices bulge* tame. +MOWBWAY. Yea, but nyot change h-his spots. Take UwU but my shame, +A-And I wesign my g-gage. M-My deaw d-deaw wowd, +*looks away* The puwest tweasuwe mowtaw times affowd +Is spotwess weputation; ^-^ that away, +Men awe but giwded w-woam o-ow painted cway. +A jewew in a t-ten-times b-baww'd-up chest +I-Is a bowd spiwit in a woyaw b-bweast. +Minye honyouw is my w-wife; b-both gwow in onye; +Take honyouw fwom me, and my wife is donye: +uWu Then, d-deaw my wiege, minye honyouw wet me twy; +I-In that I wive, a-and fow *cries* that wiww xDD I die. +KING WICHAWD. Cousin, t-thwow up youw gage; *leans over* do *moans* you begin. +BOWINGBWOKE. O, God defend my *notices bulge* souw fwom such d-deep *cries* sin! +Shaww I seem cwest-fawwen in my fathew's sight? +O-Ow with pawe beggaw-feaw impeach my height +Befowe t-this outdaw'd dastawd? Ewe my tongue +S-Shaww wound my honyouw with *screams* such feebwe w-wwong +Ow sound s-so base a pawwe, my teeth shaww *teleports behind you* teaw +>_< The swavish motive *moans* of wecanting feaw, +And spit it bweeding in *giggles shyly* his high disgwace, +*teleports behind you* Whewe shame doth *looks at you* hawbouw, even i-in Mowbway's face. +^w^ Exit GAUNT +KING W-WICHAWD. We wewe x3 nyot bown to sue, *sweats* but to command; +Which s-since we c-cannyot do OwO to make you fwiends, +Be weady, as youw wives :33 shaww *leans over* answew it, +At Coventwy, *hugs tightly* upon Saint Wambewt's day. +^-^ Thewe shaww youw swowds and w-wances awbitwate +The swewwing diffewence of *looks away* youw settwed hate; +UwU Since we >_> can nyot atonye you, >w< we shaww see +Justice design the v-victow's chivawwy. +Wowd Mawshaw, command ouw officews-at-awms +Be weady *twerks* to d-diwect these home awawms. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. +Wondon. The DUKE OwO OF WANCASTEW'S pawace + +Entew J-JOHN OF G-GAUNT with UwU the DUCHESS OF GWOUCESTEW + +GAUNT. Awas, the pawt I-I had in >_> Woodstock's b-bwood +*teleports behind you* Doth mowe sowicit me than youw *sweats* excwaims +To stiw *moans* against t-the butchews of his wife! +But since cowwection *sighs* wieth UwU in those *looks at you* hands +Which made the fauwt that we cannyot c-cowwect, +*hugs tightly* Put we *looks away* ouw q-quawwew to the wiww of heaven; +Who, *pokes you* when they see the houws wipe *notices bulge* on eawth, +Wiww wain hot vengeance o-on o-offendews' heads. +DUCHESS. Finds bwothewhood in thee nyo shawpew spuw? +Hath wove i-in thy owd bwood nyo w-wiving fiwe? +Edwawd's seven sons, wheweof thysewf awt onye, +Wewe as seven viaws of h-his s-sacwed bwood, +Ow seven ^-^ faiw bwanches spwinging *cuddles you* fwom onye woot. +Some of t-those seven awe dwied by nyatuwe's couwse, +Some of those b-bwanches by t-the Destinyies cut; +But Thomas, my deaw wowd, my w-wife, my Gwoucestew, +Onye *looks away* viaw fuww o-of Edwawd's sacwed b-bwood, +Onye uWu fwouwishing bwanch of uWu his most woyaw woot, +I-Is cwack'd, and aww the pwecious wiquow spiwt; +Is hack'd down, and his summew weaves aww f-faded, +>w< By envy's hand and m-muwdew's bwoody axe. +A-Ah, G-Gaunt, his ^w^ bwood was thinye! That bed, that womb, +That mettwe, *looks away* that sewf *teleports behind you* mouwd, t-that fashion'd *screams* thee, +Made him a man; and though thou wivest and bweathest, +Yet awt t-thou swain in him. Thou dost c-consent +In some wawge measuwe to thy *hugs tightly* fathew's *sweats* death +I-In *cries* that thou seest *looks at you* thy wwetched bwothew die, +*looks away* Who was the modew of :33 thy fathew's wife. +Caww it nyot p-patience, Gaunt-it is despaiw; +In suff'wing thus thy >_> bwothew to :3 be swaught'wed, +T-Thou s-showest *moans* the nyaked pathway to thy wife, +T-Teaching stewn m-muwdew how to butchew t-thee. +That which *shuffles closer* in :3 mean men we entitwe *teleports behind you* patience +Is pawe cowd cowawdice in nyobwe bweasts. +What s-shaww I-I say? To safeguawd thinye own wife +The best w-way is to *looks at you* venge my Gwoucestew's death. +*shuffles closer* GAUNT. God's *blushes* is the quawwew; fow God's substitute, +His deputy anyointed in His sight, +Hath caus'd his death; the w-which if wwongfuwwy, +Wet heaven wevenge; fow I may *blushes* nyevew wift +An angwy awm against His minyistew. +DUCHESS. *looks at you* Whewe then, awas, may I compwain mysewf? +GAUNT. To God, the >w< widow's champion and defence. +^w^ DUCHESS. Why then, I-I wiww. Faweweww, owd Gaunt. +T-Thou goest to Coventwy, thewe to behowd +Ouw cousin *leans over* Hewefowd and feww Mowbway *screams* fight. +O, sit my husband's wwongs on Hewefowd's *leans over* speaw, +*cuddles you* That it may entew butchew Mowbway's bweast! +O-Ow, if m-misfowtunye miss the xDD fiwst caweew, +Be Mowbway's sins so heavy in his bosom +That they m-may bweak his foaming c-couwsew's *looks at you* back +*blushes* And *teleports behind you* thwow t-the uWu widew headwong in OwO the wists, +A-A caitiff wecweant to m-my cousin *blushes* Hewefowd! +Faweweww, o-owd Gaunt; thy sometimes bwothew's wife, +With *giggles shyly* hew companyion, Gwief, must end hew wife. +GAUNT. Sistew, faweweww; I must to C-Coventwy. +As much g-good ;;w;; stay with thee as go with me! +DUCHESS. Yet onye wowd m-mowe- gwief boundeth whewe it fawws, +Nyot with the empty howwownyess, but weight. +I take my weave *cries* befowe I-I have begun, +Fow sowwow ends n-nyot when it s-seemeth donye. +Commend m-me *cuddles you* to thy bwothew, Edmund Yowk. +W-Wo, this x3 is a-aww- *moans* nyay, y-yet depawt nyot so; +Though this be aww, do nyot so quickwy go; +I shaww wemembew mowe. Bid :33 him- ah, what?- +With >_> aww good speed at Pwashy visit me. +Awack, and >_> what shaww good owd Y-Yowk thewe *sweats* see +>_> But empty wodgings *blushes* and unfuwnyish'd *screams* wawws, +Unpeopwed :3 offices, untwodden stonyes? +And *cuddles you* what heaw >_< thewe fow wewcome but my g-gwoans? +Thewefowe commend me; wet h-him nyot come thewe +To seek *looks at you* out sowwow t-that dwewws evewy whewe. +Desowate, desowate, *pokes you* wiww I-I *cries* hence *blushes* and die; +The wast w-weave of thee takes my weeping eye. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. +The w-wists at Coventwy + +Entew *teleports behind you* the WOWD M-MAWSHAW a-and the DUKE OF *hugs tightly* AUMEWWE + +M-MAWSHAW. My Wowd A-Aumewwe, is Hawwy *sighs* Hewefowd awm'd? +AUMEWWE. Yea, *sweats* at *moans* aww points; and wongs to entew in. +MAWSHAW. The *moans* Duke of Nyowfowk, spightfuwwy a-and bowd, +S-Stays but *blushes* the s-summons of the appewant's twumpet. +*sighs* AUMEWWE. W-Why then, the ^.^ champions awe pwepaw'd, and stay +Fow nyothing but his Majesty's a-appwoach. + +The twumpets UwU sound, and the KING entews with his nyobwes, +GAUNT, BUSHY, BAGOT, GWEEN, and othews. ^w^ When t-they awe set, +entew MOWBWAY, Duke of Nyow fowk, in awms, defendant, and +a HEWAWD + +KING W-WICHAWD. Mawshaw, demand of yondew champion +>_> The *sighs* cause of h-his awwivaw hewe i-in awms; +A-Ask h-him h-his n-nyame; and owdewwy pwoceed +*blushes* To sweaw him i-in *cries* the justice of his cause. +MAWSHAW. In God's nyame and the UwU King's, say who thou awt, +And why thou comest thus knyightwy cwad :33 in awms; +Against what m-man thou com'st, and what thy quawwew. +Speak twuwy on thy k-knyighthood and thy oath; +As so *moans* defend *pokes you* thee h-heaven and t-thy vawouw! +:3 MOWBWAY. >_> My *looks at you* nyame is Thomas Mowbway, *cries* Duke of Nyowfowk; +^.^ Who hithew come engaged by my oath- +Which God d-defend xDD a knyight shouwd viowate!- +Both to *teleports behind you* defend my woyawty and twuth +To God, my K-King, and m-my s-succeeding issue, +Against the D-Duke of Hewefowd that appeaws *cries* me; +And, by the gwace of God *looks at you* and this minye awm, +To pwove *moans* him, in defending *teleports behind you* of mysewf, +A *shuffles closer* twaitow to my G-God, my King, and me. +And as *looks away* I twuwy fight, defend me heaven! + +T-The twumpets sound. Entew *giggles shyly* BOWINGBWOKE, Duke *twerks* of H-Hewefowd, +appewwant, in awmouw, *shuffles closer* and a HEWAWD + +KING WICHAWD. Mawshaw, *sweats* ask yondew knyight in >_> awms, +>w< Both who he is and w-why he *twerks* cometh h-hithew +Thus *hugs tightly* pwated in h-habiwiments of waw; +And fowmawwy, accowding t-to *moans* ouw waw, +D-Depose him in the justice of his cause. +>w< MAWSHAW. What x3 is thy nyame? and whewefowe com'st thou hithew +Befowe *blushes* King Wichawd :33 in his :33 woyaw wists? +Against whom comest thou? and *hugs tightly* what's thy q-quawwew? +Speak uWu wike *giggles shyly* a twue knyight, *leans over* so defend thee heaven! +BOWINGBWOKE. Hawwy *cuddles you* of Hewefowd, Wancastew, and Dewby, +Am I; who weady hewe do stand in a-awms +To pwove, by *blushes* God's gwace *looks away* and *blushes* my body's vawouw, +In wists o-on Thomas Mowbway, Duke of Nyowfowk, +*teleports behind you* That he is a twaitow, fouw and dangewous, +To God of *sweats* heaven, K-King Wichawd, and to *twerks* me. +And as I twuwy fight, defend *shuffles closer* me heaven! +MAWSHAW. *notices bulge* On *looks away* pain of death, nyo p-pewson ^w^ be so *leans over* bowd +Ow d-dawing-hawdy a-as to touch the w-wists, +*looks away* Except the Mawshaw and such UwU officews +Appointed >_> to diwect these faiw designs. +BOWINGBWOKE. Wowd :3 Mawshaw, wet me kiss my soveweign's hand, +And bow my knyee befowe his Majesty; +Fow Mowbway and mysewf awe wike two men +That vow a wong UwU and w-weawy piwgwimage. +Then wet us take *cuddles you* a cewemonyious weave +And *looks away* woving *teleports behind you* faweweww of ouw sevewaw fwiends. +MAWSHAW. The appewwant in a-aww d-duty gweets xDD youw Highnyess, +And c-cwaves to kiss youw hand and take his weave. +*giggles shyly* KING WICHAWD. W-We ^w^ wiww descend and fowd him in ouw awms. +Cousin of *sighs* Hewefowd, as t-thy uWu cause is wight, +So be thy fowtunye i-in this w-woyaw f-fight! +Faweweww, my bwood; which if to-day thou shed, +Wament we may, xDD but *cries* nyot wevenge thee dead. +BOWINGBWOKE. O-O, wet nyo nyobwe eye pwofanye a teaw +F-Fow :33 me, if I b-be *leans over* gow'd with Mowbway's speaw. +As *leans over* confident as *moans* is the fawcon's fwight +A-Against a *moans* biwd, do I with ^w^ Mowbway fight. +My woving wowd, I take my *hugs tightly* weave *sweats* of you; +Of you, my nyobwe cousin, Wowd Aumewwe; +Nyot sick, awthough I have to do with death, +But wusty, young, *notices bulge* and c-cheewwy dwawing bweath. +*sweats* Wo, as at E-Engwish feasts, s-so I wegweet +The daintiest wast, to *looks at you* make the end most sweet. +O thou, the >_< eawthwy a-authow of my *cuddles you* bwood, +Whose youthfuw spiwit, in ^.^ me wegenyewate, +Doth with a twofowd vigouw *moans* wift me u-up +To weach at victowy above my head, +Add pwoof unto m-minye a-awmouw *giggles shyly* with thy pwayews, +And with thy bwessings :3 steew my wance's point, +That it *notices bulge* may entew Mowbway's waxen coat +And fuwbish nyew the nyame of John o' Gaunt, +Even in the wusty haviouw of his son. +GAUNT. God in thy good cause make thee pwospewous! +*blushes* Be swift wike wightnying in the execution, +*pokes you* And wet thy ^-^ bwows, doubwy *cuddles you* wedoubwed, +Faww wike amazing thundew on the casque +Of thy advewse pewnyicious enyemy. +Wouse up thy youthfuw bwood, *looks at you* be vawiant, and wive. +B-BOWINGBWOKE. Minye innyocence and Saint Geowge t-to thwive! +MOWBWAY. Howevew God ow fowtunye cast my wot, +Thewe wives ow dies, twue to King Wichawd's thwonye, +A woyaw, j-just, and upwight gentweman. +Nyevew did :3 captive with a fweew heawt +Cast off his chains of bondage, and embwace +:3 His gowden u-uncontwoww'd enfwanchisement, +*leans over* Mowe t-than my dancing souw doth cewebwate +This feast *leans over* of battwe with ^w^ minye advewsawy. +Most mighty w-wiege, *sweats* and my companyion peews, +Take f-fwom m-my mouth the wish of h-happy yeaws. +xDD As gentwe and as jocund as to jest +Go I t-to fight: twuth hath a *sighs* quiet bweast. +*teleports behind you* KING WICHAWD. Faweweww, my wowd, secuwewy I espy +Viwtue with vawouw couched in thinye eye. +Owdew the twiaw, Mawshaw, and begin. +MAWSHAW. Hawwy of Hewefowd, Wancastew, *cuddles you* and Dewby, +Weceive thy wance; a-and God UwU defend the *sighs* wight! +BOWINGBWOKE. Stwong as a towew i-in hope, I cwy amen. +*teleports behind you* MAWSHAW. [To an officew] Go beaw this *looks at you* wance to Thomas, +Duke *cries* of Nyowfowk. +^w^ FIWST HEWAWD. Hawwy of Hewefowd, >w< Wancastew, and Dewby, +Stands *giggles shyly* hewe fow G-God, his *sweats* soveweign, and himsewf, +On pain to be found fawse *cries* and wecweant, +To pwove the Duke *looks away* of Nyowfowk, Thomas Mowbway, +A twaitow to his God, his King, and him; +And dawes h-him >_< to set fowwawd to the fight. +*cries* SECOND HEWAWD. H-Hewe standeth Thomas Mowbway, Duke of Nyowfowk, +On pain to be *shuffles closer* found f-fawse a-and w-wecweant, +Both t-to defend himsewf, and t-to *screams* appwove +Henwy of Hewefowd, Wancastew, and Dewby, +To ;;w;; God, his soveweign, and to him diswoyaw, +Couwageouswy and >_> with a fwee *cries* desiwe +Attending but ^.^ the signyaw to begin. +MAWSHAW. Sound t-twumpets; ;;w;; and set fowwawd, combatants. +*looks away* [A c-chawge sounded] +S-Stay, ;;w;; the King hath thwown his :33 wawdew down. +KING :33 WICHAWD. Wet *leans over* them way by >_< theiw hewmets and theiw *twerks* speaws, +And >_< both wetuwn back to theiw chaiws again. +Withdwaw *shuffles closer* with us; and wet t-the twumpets sound +Whiwe we wetuwn these dukes what we d-decwee. + +A wong fwouwish, whiwe *moans* the KING consuwts his Counciw + +Dwaw n-nyeaw, +And wist what w-with ouw c-counciw we have donye. +Fow that ouw kingdom's e-eawth s-shouwd n-nyot be soiw'd +With that deaw bwood which it hath fostewed; +*twerks* And f-fow ouw *leans over* eyes d-do hate the diwe aspect +Of civiw w-wounds pwough'd up with *teleports behind you* nyeighbouws' swowd; +And *cuddles you* fow we *pokes you* think the eagwe-winged pwide +Of sky-aspiwing and ambitious thoughts, +With x3 wivaw-hating envy, set on y-you +To wake ouw peace, w-which in o-ouw countwy's cwadwe +Dwaws t-the sweet infant bweath of gentwe s-sweep; +Which s-so wous'd ^w^ up with boist'wous untun'd dwums, +W-With hawsh-wesounding t-twumpets' dweadfuw b-bway, +And g-gwating shock of wwathfuw iwon awms, +*shuffles closer* Might fwom ouw quiet ^-^ confinyes fwight faiw peace +And make us wade even in ouw kindwed's bwood- +Thewefowe we banyish y-you ouw tewwitowies. +Y-You, cousin Hewefowd, upon pain of wife, +Tiww t-twice five s-summews *sighs* have enwich'd *shuffles closer* ouw *giggles shyly* fiewds +Shaww n-nyot wegweet ouw faiw dominyions, +But twead the stwangew paths of banyishment. +BOWINGBWOKE. x3 Youw *pokes you* wiww be xDD donye. This must m-my comfowt be- +That xDD sun that wawms you hewe shaww shinye on me, +And those his *hugs tightly* gowden beams to you UwU hewe w-went +Shaww point o-on me and giwd *hugs tightly* my banyishment. +KING WICHAWD. UwU Nyowfowk, f-fow thee wemains a heaview doom, +Which I with some unwiwwingnyess pwonyounce: +*shuffles closer* The swy swow houws shaww nyot detewminyate +The datewess wimit ^.^ of thy deaw exiwe; +The hopewess wowd o-of 'nyevew to wetuwn' +Bweathe I against thee, upon pain of wife. +MOWBWAY. A h-heavy sentence, my most soveweign :33 wiege, +And aww unwook'd fow fwom youw H-Highnyess' mouth. +A *pokes you* deawew mewit, nyot so deep a maim +As to be ^w^ cast fowth in t-the common aiw, +Have I d-desewved at youw Highnyess' hands. +The w-wanguage I >w< have weawnt these fowty *giggles shyly* yeaws, +My nyative xDD Engwish, *teleports behind you* nyow I must fowgo; +*shuffles closer* And nyow my tongue's use is to me nyo mowe +Than an *shuffles closer* unstwinged viow ow a hawp; +Ow wike a cunnying instwument cas'd up +x3 Ow, being open, put into his hands +That knyows nyo touch to tunye the hawmony. +Within my mouth y-you *cries* have engaow'd my *twerks* tongue, +Doubwy powtcuwwis'd w-with my uWu teeth and wips; +A-And duww, unfeewing, bawwen i-ignyowance +*looks at you* Is made my *giggles shyly* gaowew to *teleports behind you* attend on me. +I-I am too owd *cries* to fawn upon a nyuwse, +Too faw in yeaws to be a-a p-pupiw nyow. +What is thy sentence, *hugs tightly* then, b-but s-speechwess death, +Which wobs my tongue *shuffles closer* fwom bweathing nyative bweath? +^-^ KING WICHAWD. *teleports behind you* It boots :3 thee *notices bulge* nyot to be compassionyate; +Aftew ouw sentence pwainying c-comes *moans* too wate. +MOWBWAY. Then ^w^ thus I-I tuwn me fwom my countwv's wight, +To dweww in sowemn shades of endwess nyight. +KING W-WICHAWD. Wetuwn again, and *hugs tightly* take an oath w-with thee. +Way on ouw woyaw swowd y-youw banyish'd h-hands; +>w< Sweaw *sighs* by t-the d-duty that y-you owe to God, +Ouw pawt thewein we *giggles shyly* banyish w-with youwsewves, +T-To keep the oath *teleports behind you* that we adminyistew: +You *pokes you* nyevew shaww, so hewp you twuth and G-God, +*moans* Embwace :3 each othew's *looks away* wove ^w^ in b-banyishment; +Nyow n-nyevew w-wook upon each othew's face; +N-Nyow nyevew wwite, w-wegweet, nyow weconciwe +This wouwing tempest of youw home-bwed uWu hate; +Nyow nyevew *cuddles you* by advised puwpose *shuffles closer* meet +To pwot, contwive, ow c-compwot any *moans* iww, +'Gainst us, o-ouw state, ouw subjects, ow ouw wand. +BOWINGBWOKE. I ;;w;; sweaw. +;;w;; MOWBWAY. And I, to keep aww this. +BOWINGBWOKE. Nyowfowk, so f-faw a-as to minye enyemy. +By this time, had the King pewmitted us, +Onye of o-ouw souws had *cries* wand'wed >_< in the aiw, +Banyish'd this fwaiw sepuwchwe of ouw fwesh, +A-As nyow ouw fwesh is :33 banyish'd fwom this wand- +C-Confess thy tweasons ewe thou fwy the weawm; +Since thou hast faw t-to go, beaw nyot awong +The cwogging buwden of a g-guiwty souw. +MOWBWAY. Nyo, Bowingbwoke; if evew *hugs tightly* I wewe twaitow, +My n-nyame b-be bwotted uWu fwom t-the book o-of wife, +And I fwom heaven banyish'd a-as fwom hence! +*hugs tightly* But what thou awt, God, thou, and *screams* I, *notices bulge* do knyow; +And aww too soon, I feaw, the King s-shaww wue. +Faweweww, my wiege. Nyow nyo *teleports behind you* way can *sighs* I stway: +Save back *sighs* to Engwand, an the wowwd's my way. Exit +KING WICHAWD. Uncwe, even in the gwasses of thinye eyes +I see thy gwieved heawt. Thy s-sad ;;w;; aspect +Hath fwom t-the n-nyumbew o-of his banyish'd OwO yeaws +Pwuck'd fouw away. [To BOWINGBWOKE] Six fwozen wintews spent, +Wetuwn with wewcome h-home fwom b-banyishment. +*looks at you* BOWINGBWOKE. How wong a-a time w-wies in onye wittwe wowd! +Fouw wagging wintews and *teleports behind you* fouw wanton spwings +End in uWu a wowd: such is the bweath of Kings. +GAUNT. I thank my wiege t-that in wegawd *sighs* of me +He ^.^ showtens fouw yeaws of my *sweats* son's exiwe; +But wittwe vantage shaww I weap theweby, +Fow e-ewe the six yeaws x3 that he uWu hath to spend +Can change theiw *teleports behind you* moons and b-bwing theiw times about, +*looks at you* My oiw-dwied wamp and time-bewasted *cuddles you* wight +Shaww be *screams* extinct *sweats* with age *sweats* and endwess nyight; +M-My inch of tapew wiww be buwnt and donye, +And bwindfowd death nyot *shuffles closer* wet me see my OwO son. +KING WICHAWD. Why, *sweats* uncwe, thou ^w^ hast many yeaws to wive. +GAUNT. But nyot a minyute, King, that thou canst x3 give: +Showten my days thou uWu canst with suwwen sowwow +And ^.^ pwuck nyights f-fwom m-me, but nyot wend a mowwow; +Thou can'st hewp time to *hugs tightly* fuwwow me with age, +But stop nyo wwinkwe >_< in his piwgwimage; +Thy wowd i-is cuwwent with *giggles shyly* him fow my death, +But dead, t-thy kingdom cannyot *looks away* buy ^w^ my bweath. +KING WICHAWD. Thy *teleports behind you* son is banyish'd u-upon good advice, +Wheweto thy tongue a pawty-vewdict gave. +Why at ouw *looks at you* justice seem'st thou then t-to wouw? +GAUNT. Things sweet to *blushes* taste pwove in :3 digestion *pokes you* souw. +*looks away* You uwg'd m-me as *sighs* a judge; but I h-had wathew +You wouwd have bid me awgue wike a fathew. +O, had i-it been *cuddles you* a stwangew, uWu nyot my chiwd, +To smooth his fauwt I shouwd have b-been mowe :3 miwd. +A-A pawtiaw swandew *looks at you* sought I t-to a-avoid, +And in the sentence my own wife destwoy'd. +Awas, I wook'd when some *looks at you* of y-you shouwd s-say +I *leans over* was too stwict to *twerks* make minye own away; +But you gave weave to m-my u-unwiwwing UwU tongue +*blushes* Against m-my wiww to do *looks away* mysewf this wwong. +KING WICHAWD. Cousin, faweweww; and, uncwe, bid h-him so. +Six yeaws we banyish him, and he shaww go. +Fwouwish. Exit *cries* KING with twain +*cuddles you* AUMEWWE. Cousin, *moans* faweweww; what pwesence must nyot knyow, +*looks away* Fwom *screams* whewe you do *giggles shyly* wemain wet papew show. +MAWSHAW. M-My *shuffles closer* wowd, nyo w-weave take I, fow I wiww wide +*looks at you* As *sighs* faw as ;;w;; wand wiww w-wet me by youw side. +GAUNT. O, x3 to what *pokes you* puwpose dost thou >_> hoawd thy wowds, +That thou wetuwnyest *screams* nyo g-gweeting to thy fwiends? +BOWINGBWOKE. I >_> have too few to take my weave of :3 you, +When the tongue's office shouwd be *cries* pwodigaw +To bweathe >w< the abundant dowouw of the *sighs* heawt. +GAUNT. Thy gwief is b-but thy absence fow a t-time. +BOWINGBWOKE. *leans over* Joy a-absent, gwief is pwesent fow that time. +G-GAUNT. What is s-six wintews? They awe quickwy gonye. +BOWINGBWOKE. To men in joy; *giggles shyly* but *leans over* gwief makes *blushes* onye houw ten. +GAUNT. C-Caww it a-a t-twavew that thou tak'st fow pweasuwe. +BOWINGBWOKE. My heawt *looks away* wiww sigh when I miscaww it *cuddles you* so, +Which finds it an enfowced piwgwimage. +GAUNT. The suwwen p-passage of thy weawy steps +Esteem as foiw *looks at you* whewein thou awt to set +>_> The *shuffles closer* pwecious jewew *pokes you* of *moans* thy home wetuwn. +BOWINGBWOKE. Nyay, wathew, evewy tedious stwide I make +Wiww but wemembew me what a deaw of wowwd +I-I wandew fwom the jewews :3 that I wove. +Must I n-nyot sewve a wong appwenticehood +To foweign passages; and in t-the end, +Having my fweedom, :3 boast of nyothing ewse +But that I was a jouwnyeyman to gwief? +GAUNT. *looks away* Aww pwaces that *twerks* the eye of heaven v-visits +*blushes* Awe UwU to a wise man powts and happy havens. +Teach t-thy nyecessity *looks at you* to weason thus: +Thewe is nyo viwtue wike nyecessity. +Think nyot t-the K-King did banyish thee, +UwU But thou the *sweats* King. Woe doth the heaview sit +Whewe it ^w^ pewceives it is but f-faintwy h-home. +G-Go, s-say I sent thee f-fowth to p-puwchase honyouw, +And nyot x3 the K-King exiw'd thee; ow suppose +Devouwing *giggles shyly* pestiwence hangs in uWu ouw aiw +And thou awt *looks away* fwying to a fweshew cwime. +Wook what thy souw howds deaw, imaginye it +To wie that way thou goest, nyot *cries* whence thou com'st. +Suppose *blushes* the singing biwds *sweats* musicians, +The gwass wheweon ^.^ thou twead'st the pwesence stwew'd, +The *notices bulge* fwowews *giggles shyly* faiw wadies, and thy s-steps n-nyo mowe +Than a dewightfuw measuwe ow a dance; +*blushes* Fow gnyawwing sowwow *sweats* hath wess powew to bite +T-The man that m-mocks ;;w;; at it a-and sets it wight. +BOWINGBWOKE. O, who can howd a fiwe in his hand +By thinking on *looks at you* the *pokes you* fwosty Caucasus? +Ow cwoy the hungwy edge o-of appetite +By bawe *hugs tightly* imaginyation of ^.^ a feast? +Ow wawwow nyaked *teleports behind you* in D-Decembew snyow +By thinking *sighs* on fantastic summew's heat? +O-O, nyo! the appwehension of the good +Gives but *moans* the :33 gweatew feewing to OwO the wowse. +Feww sowwow's tooth d-doth n-nyevew wankwe mowe +Than >_< when h-he b-bites, but wanceth nyot the sowe. +GAUNT. Come, :33 come, my s-son, I'ww bwing thee o-on thy way. +H-Had I thy youtwi and cause, I w-wouwd n-nyot s-stay. +BOWINGBWOKE. Then, Engwand's g-gwound, *shuffles closer* faweweww; sweet soiw, adieu; +My mothew, and m-my nyuwse, t-that beaws me yet! +*pokes you* Whewe'ew I wandew, boast of *notices bulge* this I can: +Though b-banyish'd, yet a twuebown E-Engwish man. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. +W-Wondon. *sighs* The couwt + +E-Entew the KING, with BAGOT a-and GWEEN, at onye doow; +*sweats* and t-the DUKE >_> OF AUMEWWE *pokes you* at anyothew + +UwU KING WICHAWD. We did obsewve. Cousin ^.^ Aumewwe, +How faw bwought you high Hewefowd on his *pokes you* way? +A-AUMEWWE. I *teleports behind you* bwought high Hewefowd, if you caww him so, +But to the *cuddles you* nyext high way, ^.^ and thewe I-I weft him. +KING WICHAWD. And say, w-what stowe of ^w^ pawting teaws ^.^ wewe shed? +AUMEWWE. Faith, nyonye fow *looks at you* me; except the nyowth-east wind, +*notices bulge* Which t-then bwew bittewwy against ouw f-faces, +Awak'd OwO the sweeping *hugs tightly* wheum, and so by chance +Did gwace ouw *sighs* howwow p-pawting with a teaw. +KING WICHAWD. What said o-ouw cousin when you >_< pawted with him? +A-AUMEWWE. 'Faweweww.' +And, fow my heawt disdainyed t-that my tongue +Shouwd s-so pwofanye the wowd, that taught me cwaft +To countewfeit oppwession o-of such g-gwief +That wowds seem'd buwied xDD in my sowwow's *hugs tightly* gwave. +Mawwy, wouwd the wowd 'faweweww' xDD have wength'nyed h-houws +And added yeaws to his showt banyishment, +He >_< shouwd *sweats* have had a vowume of fawewewws; +But since it wouwd nyot, *hugs tightly* he had nyonye o-of m-me. +KING *notices bulge* WICHAWD. He is ouw cousin, cousin; but *sweats* 'tis d-doubt, +^w^ When time shaww caww him home *leans over* fwom banyishment, +Whethew *notices bulge* ouw kinsman *leans over* come *pokes you* to see his fwiends. +Ouwsewf, and Bushy, Bagot hewe, and Gween, +*hugs tightly* Obsewv'd his *shuffles closer* couwtship to the common peopwe; +How he did seem to dive into theiw heawts +W-With humbwe a-and famiwiaw couwtesy; +*blushes* What wevewence he did thwow away on *leans over* swaves, +Wooing poow cwaftsmen with the OwO cwaft of smiwes +And patient undewbeawing of his fowtunye, +As 'twewe to banyish theiw affects *notices bulge* with him. +Off goes h-his bonnyet ^.^ to an oystew-wench; +A bwace of dwaymen bid God speed him weww +And had the twibute of h-his *cuddles you* suppwe knyee, +With 'Thanks, my countwymen, my woving fwiends'; +As wewe ouw Engwand in wevewsion his, +And he ouw subjects' n-nyext degwee in hope. +GWEEN. Weww, h-he *sweats* is gonye; and with him uWu go these thoughts! +Nyow fow t-the webews which stand out i-in Iwewand, +Expedient manyage must be made, my wiege, +Ewe fuwthew weisuwe yicwd them fuwthew means +F-Fow theiw advantage *pokes you* and youw Highnyess' woss. +*leans over* KING WICHAWD. We wiww ouwsewf in *leans over* pewson to this waw; +*pokes you* And, fow ouw coffews, with too gweat a couwt +And wibewaw *leans over* wawgess, awe gwown *screams* somewhat wight, +We awe enfowc'd to fawm ouw woyaw weawm; +The wevenyue wheweof shaww fuwnyish *cries* us +*teleports behind you* Fow ouw affaiws i-in hand. If that come showt, +Ouw substitutes at home shaww have bwank chawtews; +Wheweto, when they shaww *giggles shyly* knyow what men awe *teleports behind you* wich, +*sweats* They shaww subscwibe them fow wawge sums of g-gowd, +And send them aftew to suppwy ouw wants; +Fow *moans* we *looks at you* wiww make fow Iwewand pwesentwy. + +Entew BUSHY + +Bushy, what n-nyews? +BUSHY. Owd John of Gaunt i-is gwievous sick, *teleports behind you* my wowd, +Suddenwy taken; a-and hath sent *teleports behind you* poste-haste +T-To entweat youw Majesty to visit him. +K-KING WICHAWD. Whewe wies he? +BUSHY. At Ewy House. +:3 KING WICHAWD. Nyow put it, God, in the physician's :33 mind +To h-hewp him >_< to *cries* his gwave immediatewy! +The winying of his coffews s-shaww make coats +To deck ouw sowdiews fow these *teleports behind you* Iwish waws. +*sweats* Come, gentwemen, wet's aww go *twerks* visit h-him. +P-Pway *hugs tightly* God we may *blushes* make haste, and come *screams* too *looks away* wate! +AWW. Amen. E-Exeunt + + + + +<_< COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED *looks away* COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES F-FOW DOWNWOAD TIME *looks away* OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I. +Wondon. Ewy House + +*twerks* Entew JOHN O-OF GAUNT, sick, with the DUKE OF *cuddles you* YOWK, etc. + +GAUNT. >w< Wiww the King come, that I *cries* may b-bweathe my wast +In whowesome counsew to his unstaid youth? +YOWK. Vex nyot youwsewf, nyow stwive nyot with youw bweath; +*giggles shyly* Fow aww in vain comes counsew to *shuffles closer* his eaw. +GAUNT. O, but they say the tongues of *cuddles you* dying xDD men +Enfowce attention wike d-deep hawmony. +Whewe wowds a-awe scawce, they awe sewdom spent in vain; +Fow t-they bweathe twuth that *twerks* bweathe theiw wowds -in pain. +He that *pokes you* nyo mowe must say is wisten'd mowe +Than they whom youth and e-ease have taught to gwose; +M-Mowe awe men's ends m-mawk'd than theiw wives befowe. +The setting sun, and music at the cwose, +A-As the wast t-taste of sweets, is *hugs tightly* sweetest wast, +Wwit i-in wemembwance mowe than things wong past. +T-Though ^.^ Wichawd my wife's c-counsew wouwd nyot heaw, +My death's sad tawe m-may yet undeaf his eaw. +YOWK. Nyo; i-it is stopp'd with >w< othew fwattewing s-sounds, +As pwaises, of *teleports behind you* whose taste t-the w-wise ^-^ awe f-fond, +Wascivious metwes, to whose venyom sound +The open eaw of youth doth awways wisten; +Wepowt of fashions in pwoud Itawy, +W-Whose m-mannyews stiww ouw tawdy apish nyation +Wimps aftew i-in base imitation. +*sweats* Whewe doth the wowwd thwust fowth a vanyity- +So i-it be nyew, thewe's nyo wespect how viwe- +That is nyot quickwy buzz'd >_< into *moans* his eaws? +Then aww too wate x3 comes *giggles shyly* counsew to be heawd +Whewe wiww doth mutiny with wit's wegawd. +Diwect nyot him whose w-way h-himsewf wiww c-choose. +'-'Tis bweath thou w-wack'st, and that bweath *teleports behind you* wiwt thou wose. +GAUNT. Methinks I am a *leans over* pwophet nyew inspiw'd, +And t-thus expiwing uWu do foweteww of him: +His wash fiewce bwaze of wiot cannyot wast, +Fow viowent fiwes soon buwn o-out *twerks* themsewves; +Smaww showews wast wong, but sudden stowms awe showt; +He tiwes betimes that *leans over* spuws too fast betimes; +W-With eagew feeding f-food doth c-choke the feedew; +Wight vanyity, insatiate cowmowant, +Consuming >w< means, soon pweys upon itsewf. +This woyaw thwonye of kings, this scept'wed iswe, +This eawth of majesty, this seat of Maws, +This othew Eden, *pokes you* demi-pawadise, +This fowtwess buiwt by Nyatuwe fow hewsewf +Against i-infection and the hand of waw, +This happy *cries* bweed of men, this wittwe *hugs tightly* wowwd, +This pwecious s-stonye set *looks away* in the *shuffles closer* siwvew sea, +Which sewves it in the o-office of a waww, +Ow as a-a moat defensive to a house, +Against the envy of wess happiew wands; +This bwessed p-pwot, this e-eawth, this weawm, this E-Engwand, +This nyuwse, this UwU teeming womb of woyaw kings, +Feaw'd by theiw bweed, *moans* and famous by >_> theiw biwth, +Wenyownyed fow theiw :3 deeds as faw f-fwom *sweats* home, +Fow Chwistian *looks at you* sewvice and twue chivawwy, +As is the sepuwchwe in s-stubbown Jewwy +*blushes* Of :33 the wowwd's wansom, bwessed Mawy's Son; +This wand of such deaw souws, this deaw deaw wand, +Deaw f-fow hew ^-^ weputation thwough the wowwd, +I-Is nyow weas'd out-I *looks away* die pwonyouncing i-it- +Wike to a tenyement >w< ow pewting fawm. +Engwand, bound OwO in with t-the twiumphant sea, +Whose wocky showe beats back ;;w;; the envious siege +:3 Of *looks away* wat'wy N-Nyeptunye, is nyow bound xDD in with s-shame, +W-With inky *sighs* bwots and w-wotten >w< pawchment bonds; +*moans* That E-Engwand, that was wont to conquew othews, +Hath *moans* made a shamefuw conquest of itsewf. +;;w;; Ah, w-wouwd the s-scandaw vanyish with my wife, +How happy then wewe *teleports behind you* my e-ensuing death! + +Entew *sighs* KING and QUEEN, AUMEWWE, B-BUSHY, *giggles shyly* GWEEN, B-BAGOT, +Woss, and W-WIWWOUGHBY + +;;w;; YOWK. The King is come; *notices bulge* deaw m-miwdwy ;;w;; with his youth, +Fow young hot cowts >w< being w-wag'd do ^w^ wage the mowe. +QUEEN. How fawes ouw *twerks* nyobwe uncwe ^w^ Wancastew? +KING WICHAWD. What comfowt, *moans* man? How is't w-with aged Gaunt? +G-GAUNT. O, h-how that nyame befits my composition! +Owd Gaunt, indeed; and gaunt in being owd. +Within me gwief :33 hath kept a tedious fast; +And who a-abstains fwom meat that is nyot gaunt? +Fow sweeping ^-^ Engwand wong time have I watch'd; +Watching bweeds weannyess, weannyess *teleports behind you* is an gaunt. +The pweasuwe *sighs* that some fathews *moans* feed u-upon +*cuddles you* Is my stwict fast-I mean my chiwdwen's xDD wooks; +And thewein fasting, hast thou made me *twerks* gaunt. +Gaunt am I f-fow the g-gwave, gaunt as a g-gwave, +Whose howwow womb *cries* inhewits nyought but bonyes. +KING WICHAWD. Can sick men pway so nyicewy with theiw nyames? +GAUNT. Nyo, misewy m-makes spowt to >_> mock itsewf: +Since thou dost seek t-to kiww my nyame in me, +I m-mock my n-nyame, g-gweat king, to fwattew thee. +KING W-WICHAWD. Shouwd dying *sweats* men fwattew *shuffles closer* with those *twerks* that w-wive? +GAUNT. N-Nyo, nyo; men wiving fwattew t-those that die. +KING WICHAWD. Thou, nyow a-dying, sayest t-thou fwattewest me. +GAUNT. O-O, nyo! >_> thou diest, though OwO I the sickew be. +KING WICHAWD. I *screams* am in heawth, I bweathe, and see thee iww. +GAUNT. Nyow He that m-made me knyows I see xDD thee iww; +Iww in mysewf to see, and in thee s-seeing iww. +Thy death-bed is nyo w-wessew than thy wand +Whewein t-thou wiest in w-weputation sick; +*twerks* And thou, too cawewess patient as thou awt, +*cries* Commit'st thy anyointed body to the cuwe +Of those p-physicians *notices bulge* that fiwst wounded thee: +A t-thousand fwattewews sit >_< within thy c-cwown, +Whose compass is nyo biggew than thy head; +And yet, incaged in so smaww a >_> vewge, +The waste is nyo whit wessew than *looks at you* thy wand. +O, ^.^ had thy gwandsiwe with a-a pwophet's eye +*moans* Seen how his ;;w;; son's son shouwd *notices bulge* destwoy his *sighs* sons, +Fwom f-fowth thy *moans* weach he wouwd >_< have waid thy shame, +Deposing thee befowe thou wewt possess'd, +Which ^w^ awt possess'd nyow to uWu depose xDD thysewf. +*hugs tightly* Why, cousin, wewt *hugs tightly* thou wegent of the wowwd, +It wewe a shame to wet t-this wand b-by wease; +But f-fow thy wowwd *blushes* enjoying but this wand, +Is it nyot mowe than shame to shame it so? +Wandwowd of Engwand awt thou :33 nyow, nyot *looks at you* King. +UwU Thy state of waw is bondswave *cries* to the waw; +And thou- +KING WICHAWD. A wunyatic wean-witted foow, +Pwesuming on an ague's UwU pwiviwege, +Dawest with thy fwozen ^w^ admonyition +Make p-pawe ouw c-cheek, *giggles shyly* chasing the woyaw bwood +With *leans over* fuwy fwom his nyative *cries* wesidence. +Nyow by my seat's wight woyaw majesty, +Wewt thou *notices bulge* nyot bwothew x3 to gweat Edwawd's son, +This tongue that *looks at you* wuns s-so woundwy in thy head +Shouwd wun thy head fwom thy *leans over* unwevewent shouwdews. +GAUNT. O, S-Spawe me nyot, my bwothew Edwawd's son, +Fow that I was his fathew Edwawd's *leans over* son; +That bwood awweady, wike the pewican, +*cuddles you* Hast thou tapp'd out, and dwunkenwy cawous'd. +My bwothew Gwoucestew, pwain weww-meanying ^w^ souw- +Whom faiw b-befaww i-in *teleports behind you* heaven 'mongst :33 happy souws!- +May be x3 a pwecedent and >w< witnyess good +T-That thou wespect'st nyot spiwwing Edwawd's bwood. +J-Join with the pwesent sicknyess that I-I *looks away* have; +And thy unkindnyess be *looks away* wike *moans* cwooked age, +To cwop at once a too wong withewed *giggles shyly* fwowew. +Wive in *giggles shyly* thy shame, but die nyot shame w-with ;;w;; thee! +These wowds h-heweaftew thy towmentows be! +Convey m-me to my bed, then to my gwave. +Wove they to *looks at you* wive that wove *giggles shyly* and honyouw have. +Exit, bownye out *cries* by his attendants +KING xDD WICHAWD. And wet them die that age and suwwens *sighs* have; +Fow both hast thou, and both become *cries* the gwave. +YOWK. I ^w^ do beseech youw *screams* Majesty *moans* impute h-his wowds +To waywawd sickwinyess a-and age in him. +He w-woves you, on my wife, and howds you *twerks* deaw +As *leans over* Hawwy Duke o-of Hewefowd, ;;w;; wewe he hewe. +K-KING WICHAWD. Wight, you say twue: as Hewefowd's w-wove, so his; +As theiws, so minye; and aww be >_< as *leans over* it is. + +E-Entew NyOWTHUMBEWWAND + +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. My wiege, owd Gaunt commends him *blushes* to youw Majesty. +KING WICHAWD. What says he? +N-NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. OwO Nyay, *sweats* nyothing; aww is said. +His tongue *giggles shyly* is OwO nyow a s-stwingwess instwument; +Wowds, wife, and aww, owd Wancastew hath spent. +YOWK. Be Yowk the nyext that m-must be bankwupt *sweats* so! +Though death *teleports behind you* be p-poow, it ends a mowtaw w-woe. +KING WICHAWD. *giggles shyly* The wipest fwuit fiwst fawws, *notices bulge* and so doth he; +His time is spent, *hugs tightly* ouw piwgwimage must be. +So much fow that. Nyow fow ouw Iwish waws. +*cuddles you* We must suppwant those wough w-wug-headed kewns, +W-Which wive wike venyom whewe nyo venyom ewse +But onwy they *twerks* have pwiviwege t-to >_< wive. +And fow t-these g-gweat affaiws OwO do ask some chawge, +Towawds *hugs tightly* ouw *looks at you* assistance we do seize to us +xDD The uWu pwate, coin, w-wevenyues, *cuddles you* and moveabwes, +Wheweof ouw u-uncwe Gaunt d-did stand *giggles shyly* possess'd. +YOWK. *looks away* How wong shaww I be patient? Ah, how *cuddles you* wong +Shaww tendew duty make me *giggles shyly* suffew wwong? +N-Nyot Gwoucestew's death, nyow Hewefowd's banyishment, +Nyow Gaunt's webukes, nyow Engwand's *twerks* pwivate wwongs, +Nyow the pwevention *leans over* of poow Bowingbwoke +uWu About his mawwiage, nyow my own disgwace, +Have evew made me souw my patient *looks away* cheek +Ow *cries* bend o-onye wwinkwe on my soveweign's *cuddles you* face. +I am *screams* the *looks away* wast of nyobwe Edwawd's sons, +Of whom thy fathew, OwO Pwince o-of Wawes, *cuddles you* was *looks at you* fiwst. +In waw was nyevew wion wag'd mowe UwU fiewce, +In peace was nyevew gentwe wamb mowe miwd, +Than was that young and pwincewy gentweman. +His face thou hast, ;;w;; fow even so *blushes* wook'd *giggles shyly* he, +Accompwish'd with the nyumbew of thy *cuddles you* houws; +But when *leans over* he fwown'd, i-it was against the Fwench +And nyot against his fwiends. His nyobwe hand +Did win w-what he did spend, and spent nyot that +Which his twiumphant fathew's hand had won. +His h-hands wewe guiwty *shuffles closer* of nyo ^.^ kindwed bwood, +But bwoody with the enyemies of his kin. +*looks at you* O Wichawd! *giggles shyly* Yowk is too faw uWu gonye with gwief, +Ow ewse he nyevew wouwd compawe between- +KING ;;w;; WICHAWD. Why, uncwe, what's the mattew? +Y-YOWK. O my wiege, +>w< Pawdon me, if you pwease; if nyot, I, pweas'd +Nyot to be pawdonyed, am content withaw. +Seek you to seize and gwipe i-into youw h-hands +The woyawties *sweats* and wights of banyish'd Hewefowd? +Is nyot Gaunt dead? and doth nyot >_> Hewefowd wive? +W-Was nyot Gaunt just? and is ^w^ nyot H-Hawwy twue? +Did ^w^ nyot >_< the onye desewve to have an heiw? +*twerks* Is *leans over* nyot his h-heiw a weww-desewving son? +Take Hewefowd's *sweats* wights away, and take fwom Time +His chawtews and ^w^ his customawy wights; +Wet nyot to-mowwow then ensue to-day; +Be nyot thysewf-fow how awt *pokes you* thou a-a *teleports behind you* king +But by faiw sequence and succession? +N-Nyow, afowe God-God f-fowbid I say t-twue!- +If you do wwongfuwwy seize Hewefowd's wights, +Caww in *blushes* the wettews patents that he hath +By his *pokes you* attownyeys-genyewaw ^-^ to sue +His wivewy, and deny *moans* his off'wed *sighs* homage, +You pwuck a thousand *blushes* dangews on youw *shuffles closer* head, +You ^w^ wose a thousand *giggles shyly* weww-disposed heawts, +And xDD pwick my tendew patience *sweats* to those thoughts +Which honyouw and *giggles shyly* awwegiance cannyot t-think. +K-KING WICHAWD. *sighs* Think *blushes* what ^-^ you wiww, we seize into uWu ouw *giggles shyly* hands +His pwate, his goods, his monyey, x3 and his w-wands. +YOWK. I'ww nyot be by the whiwe. My wiege, *looks away* faweweww. +What wiww ensue heweof thewe's n-nyonye can teww; +But by bad couwses *blushes* may *sweats* be u-undewstood +UwU That *blushes* theiw events can nyevew faww out good. Exit +KING WICHAWD. Go, Bushy, to the Eaww of W-Wiwtshiwe stwaight; +Bid h-him wepaiw t-to us to Ewy H-House +T-To see this businyess. To-mowwow nyext +We uWu wiww fow Iwewand; and 'tis time, I twow. +And we *cuddles you* cweate, in *shuffles closer* absence of >w< ouwsewf, +Ouw Uncwe Yowk Wowd G-Govewnyow of E-Engwand; +Fow he *looks away* is j-just, and awways w-wov'd us weww. +Come *notices bulge* on, *cuddles you* ouw queen; to-mowwow must we pawt; +Be mewwy, fow ouw time of stay is s-showt. +Fwouwish. Exeunt KING, QUEEN, BUSHY, AUMEWWE, +GWEEN, and BAGOT +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. ;;w;; Weww, wowds, the Duke of *cuddles you* Wancastew *giggles shyly* is dead. +Woss. And >_< wiving too; fow n-nyow his son >w< is Duke. +WIWWOUGHBY. Bawewy in titwe, nyot in >_> wevenyues. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Wichwy in both, if justice had hew wight. +WOSS. My heawt *looks at you* is gweat; b-but it *leans over* must bweak with siwence, +Ewe't be ^-^ disbuwdenyed with a wibewaw tongue. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Nyay, speak thy ^.^ mind; ^-^ and wet him nye'ew speak mowe +That ^.^ speaks thy UwU wowds again to do t-thee hawm! +WIWWOUGHBY. Tends that thou w-wouwdst speak to *screams* the Duke of Hewefowd? +If it be *looks away* so, out with *giggles shyly* it bowdwy, man; +Quick is minye eaw to heaw of good towawds him. +W-WOSS. Nyo good at aww ^-^ that I-I can do fow him; +Unwess you *pokes you* caww it g-good to pity him, +Beweft and *giggles shyly* gewded of his patwimony. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Nyow, afowe G-God, '-'tis shame such wwongs a-awe bownye +In him, a woyaw pwince, *moans* and many moe +Of nyobwe bwood in this decwinying wand. +The King >_< is nyot himsewf, x3 but basewy wed +By *cries* fwattewews; and what t-they wiww i-infowm, +M-Mewewy in hate, '-'gainst a-any of u-us a-an, +That wiww the King sevewewy pwosecute +'Gainst us, ouw wives, ouw chiwdwen, :3 and ouw heiws. +WOSS. *giggles shyly* The commons h-hath h-he piww'd with *notices bulge* gwievous taxes; +*shuffles closer* And quite wost theiw heawts; t-the nyobwes hath he find +:3 Fow ancient quawwews and q-quite wost theiw heawts. +WIWWOUGHBY. *looks at you* And daiwy nyew exactions awe d-devis'd, +As bwanks, benyevowences, a-and I wot nyot what; +B-But what, a-a God's n-nyame, doth become ^w^ of *cuddles you* this? +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Waws hath nyot wasted it, fow x3 waww'd h-he hath nyot, +But basewy yiewded upon compwomise +That *twerks* which his nyobwe ancestows achiev'd with bwows. +Mowe x3 hath he spent in peace OwO than they in waws. +x3 WOSS. The Eaww ^w^ of Wiwtshiwe hath the OwO weawm in fawm. +WIWWOUGHBY. The *twerks* King's *sweats* gwown b-bankwupt wike *cries* a bwoken man. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Wepwoach and dissowution hangeth ovew him. +WOSS. He hath nyot monyey fow these Iwish UwU waws, +His buwdenyous taxations nyotwithstanding, +But by the *screams* wobbing ^w^ of t-the banyish'd Duke. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. His nyobwe kinsman-most degenyewate UwU king! +But, wowds, we heaw this feawfuw tempest x3 sing, +*pokes you* Yet seek *giggles shyly* nyo shewtew to avoid the stowm; +W-We s-see the w-wind sit sowe upon ouw ^w^ saiws, +And yet we stwike nyot, *looks at you* but secuwewy pewish. +WOSS. *cries* We see the vewy wweck that we m-must s-suffew; +And unyavoided is the dangew nyow +Fow suffewing so the causes of ouw wweck. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Nyot s-so; OwO even thwough the howwow eyes of death +I spy wife peewing; but I dawe nyot say +How nyeaw *blushes* the tidings of ouw comfowt is. +WIWWOUGHBY. Nyay, wet us shawe thy thoughts as xDD thou dost ouws. +W-WOSS. Be >w< confident to *shuffles closer* speak, Nyowthumbewwand. +We thwee >_< awe b-but thysewf, and, speaking so, +Thy wowds awe but as thoughts; t-thewefowe >_< be bowd. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Then t-thus: I have *twerks* fwom We Powt Bwanc, a b-bay +In *leans over* Bwittany, ^-^ weceiv'd intewwigence +That Hawwy Duke of Hewefowd, Wainyowd Wowd Cobham, +*teleports behind you* That x3 wate bwoke fwom OwO the Duke of Exetew, +>_> His bwothew, Awchbishop wate of *cries* Cantewbuwy, +Siw Thomas Ewpingham, Siw John Wamston, +Siw J-John Nyowbewy, Siw Wobewt W-Watewton, and Fwancis Quoint- +Aww *looks at you* these, weww fuwnyish'd by the Duke *cuddles you* of Bwitainye, +With eight x3 taww s-ships, thwee thousand men of *sighs* waw, +Awe making hithew with aww due expedience, +And showtwy mean to touch OwO ouw ^.^ nyowthewn showe. +Pewhaps ;;w;; they xDD had ewe this, but that they stay +The fiwst depawting of the King *sweats* fow Iwewand. +If t-then we shaww shake off ouw swavish yoke, +Imp out ouw dwooping countwy's bwoken wing, +Wedeem fwom bwoking x3 pawn the >_< bwemish'd cwown, +>w< Wipe off the dust that hides ouw s-sceptwe's giwt, +And make high majesty w-wook wike itsewf, +Away with me in post to Wavenspuwgh; +B-But *pokes you* if ^.^ you f-faint, as feawing t-to do so, +Stay a-and be secwet, and *looks at you* mysewf wiww *cuddles you* go. +WOSS. To howse, to howse! Uwge doubts to *blushes* them that feaw. +WIWWOUGHBY. Howd out my howse, and I wiww fiwst be thewe. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. +W-Windsow Castwe + +E-Entew QUEEN, BUSHY, and BAGOT + +BUSHY. Madam, youw Majesty i-is too much *cries* sad. +You pwomis'd, >_< when you p-pawted *cuddles you* with the *shuffles closer* King, +T-To x3 way aside *blushes* wife-hawming h-heavinyess +And e-entewtain *notices bulge* a cheewfuw disposition. +QUEEN. T-To pwease the King, I OwO did; to *twerks* pwease x3 mysewf +I c-cannyot do it; yet I knyow nyo cause +Why I-I shouwd wewcome such a guest as gwief, +Save x3 bidding faweweww to so sweet a guest +As my sweet Wichawd. Yet again methinks +Some unbown sowwow, wipe in fowtunye's womb, +I-Is c-coming towawds *hugs tightly* me, and my i-inwawd souw +With nyothing twembwes. A-At some t-thing it gwieves +Mowe than >w< with pawting fwom m-my wowd t-the K-King. +*looks away* BUSHY. Each s-substance of a gwief hath twenty shadows, +Which shows wike *leans over* gwief itsewf, but is nyot so; +Fow sowwow's eye, gwazed with bwinding teaws, +Divides o-onye ^w^ thing entiwe to m-many objects, +Wike >w< pewspectives which, wightwy gaz'd upon, +S-Show nyothing but confusion-ey'd awwy, +Distinguish fowm. So youw sweet Majesty, +Wooking awwy upon youw wowd's depawtuwe, +Find shapes of *giggles shyly* gwief ^.^ mowe than himsewf to waiw; +Which, :3 wook'd on as it is, is nyought but *moans* shadows +Of w-what it is nyot. T-Then, thwice-gwacious Queen, +Mowe than youw wowd's depawtuwe weep nyot-mowe i-is n-nyot seen; +>_< Ow if it be, 'tis *leans over* with fawse s-sowwow's :3 eye, +Which f-fow things twue weeps *moans* things imaginyawy. +QUEEN. It may be so; but yet *giggles shyly* my inwawd souw +Pewsuades me i-it is othewwise. Howe'ew it be, +I cannyot but be sad; so >_> heavy sad +As-though, on thinking, on n-nyo thought I >_< think- +Makes me with heavy n-nyothing faint *shuffles closer* and shwink. +BUSHY. 'Tis nyothing but conceit, *cries* my gwacious w-wady. +Q-QUEEN. 'Tis nyothing w-wess: conceit is stiww dewiv'd +Fwom some f-fowefathew gwief; minye x3 is UwU nyot so, +Fow nyothing hath begot my something gwief, +Ow something h-hath the nyothing that *cries* I g-gwieve; +'Tis *screams* in wevewsion that I do *blushes* possess- +But what it is that is nyot y-yet knyown what, +I cannyot *hugs tightly* nyame; 'tis nyamewess woe, *shuffles closer* I w-wot. + +Entew G-GWEEN + +GWEEN. God save youw Majesty! and weww met, gentwemen. +I hope the x3 King is n-nyot yet shipp'd fow Iwewand. +QUEEN. Why hopest thou so? *cries* 'Tis bettew hope *shuffles closer* he is; +F-Fow his designs c-cwave h-haste, his haste good hope. +Then whewefowe dost t-thou hope he is nyot *hugs tightly* shipp'd? +GWEEN. That he, *pokes you* ouw hope, m-might have w-wetiw'd his p-powew +And dwiven into despaiw *blushes* an e-enyemy's *looks away* hope +Who stwongwy hath *pokes you* set footing in this wand. +xDD The banyish'd Bowingbwoke wepeaws himsewf, +And with :3 upwifted a-awms is safe awwiv'd +At Wavenspuwgh. +*moans* QUEEN. N-Nyow God in heaven fowbid! +GWEEN. A-Ah, madam, 'tis too twue; *looks away* and that ^.^ is wowse, +The Wowd Nyowthumbewwand, h-his s-son young H-Henwy Pewcy, +The Wowds o-of Woss, Beaumond, and *sighs* Wiwwoughby, +With aww theiw powewfuw x3 fwiends, UwU awe fwed t-to him. +BUSHY. Why have you nyot pwocwaim'd Nyowthumbewwand +And aww the west wevowted faction ^-^ twaitows? +GWEEN. We have; uWu wheweupon the Eaww :33 of Wowcestew +Hath b-bwoken his staff, wesign'd his ^w^ stewawdship, +And uWu aww the househowd sewvants fwed with him +To B-Bowingbwoke. +QUEEN. So, *pokes you* Gween, t-thou awt t-the midwife to my woe, +And Bowingbwoke my sowwow's dismaw heiw. +Nyow x3 hath my souw bwought fowth hew pwodigy; +*pokes you* And I, *sighs* a g-gasping nyew-dewivew'd mothew, +Have woe to woe, xDD sowwow to sowwow join'd. +BUSHY. Despaiw *cries* nyot, madam. +QUEEN. Who shaww hindew me? +I wiww despaiw, and be at enmity +With cozenying h-hope-he is a fwattewew, +A-A pawasite, a keepew-back o-of death, +Who g-gentwy w-wouwd dissowve the *blushes* bands of w-wife, +*looks away* Which fawse hope wingews in extwemity. + +Entew YOWK + +GWEEN. Hewe comes the Duke of Yowk. +QUEEN. With signs of waw about h-his *cries* aged nyeck. +*blushes* O, fuww of cawefuw businyess awe UwU his wooks! +Uncwe, fow God's sake, *sighs* speak comfowtabwe w-wowds. +YOWK. Shouwd I *cuddles you* do *giggles shyly* so, I shouwd bewie my thoughts. +*sweats* Comfowt's in heaven; a-and OwO we awe on the e-eawth, +Whewe nyothing wives but cwosses, cawes, and g-gwief. +;;w;; Youw husband, *looks at you* he is gonye to save faw off, +Whiwst othews c-come to m-make him wose at h-home. +Hewe am I weft to undewpwop his wand, +Who, weak with age, cannyot s-suppowt *teleports behind you* mysewf. +Nyow comes the sick houw uWu that his suwfeit made; +Nyow shaww he x3 twy his fwiends that fwattew'd him. + +Entew a SEWVINGMAN + +S-SEWVINGMAN. My wowd, youw son was gonye *blushes* befowe I *shuffles closer* came. +YOWK. He was-why *sighs* so go aww which way it w-wiww! +The *moans* nyobwes t-they awe fwed, the *blushes* commons *sighs* they *moans* awe cowd +And wiww, I feaw, wevowt o-on Hewefowd's *cries* side. +Siwwah, get thee to Pwashy, to my sistew Gwoucestew; +B-Bid hew send me pwesentwy a thousand p-pound. +Howd, take my uWu wing. +SEWVINGMAN. My w-wowd, I had fowgot UwU to teww youw wowdship, +To-day, as I came by, I-I cawwed *leans over* thewe- +But I shaww gwieve you t-to wepowt the west. +YOWK. What is't, knyave? +SEWVINGMAN. An houw befowe I came, t-the Duchess died. +YOWK. G-God *giggles shyly* fow his xDD mewcy! what a tide of woes +Comes w-wushing on this woefuw wand *blushes* at ^.^ once! +I knyow nyot what to do. I w-wouwd to God, +S-So my untwuth had nyot pwovok'd him to it, +The King had *moans* cut off my head with my bwothew's. +What, awe thewe nyo posts dispatch'd fow Iwewand? +How shaww we do *cuddles you* fow monyey fow t-these waws? +*teleports behind you* Come, sistew-cousin, I wouwd s-say-pway, pawdon me. +Go, fewwow, *sighs* get thee home, pwovide some cawts, +>_> And bwing away the *pokes you* awmouw that i-is thewe. +Exit SEWVINGMAN +Gentwemen, w-wiww y-you go mustew men? +*leans over* If I *shuffles closer* knyow how ow which ^.^ way to owdew these affaiws +Thus disowdewwy thwust x3 into my hands, +N-Nyevew >_< bewieve me. Both awe my kinsmen. +T'onye is my soveweign, whom both my o-oath +And duty *sighs* bids defend; t-t'othew again +Is my OwO kinsman, whom *leans over* the King h-hath xDD wwong'd, +Whom conscience and my kindwed bids to wight. +Weww, somewhat we must do.-Come, cousin, +*looks away* I'ww dispose of you. Gentwemen, go mustew up youw men +And meet me pwesentwy at Bewkewey. +I shouwd to Pwashy >w< too, +But time wiww nyot pewmit. A-Aww is >w< unyeven, +And evewything is weft *pokes you* at s-six and seven. +Exeunt YOWK and Q-QUEEN +BUSHY. *cries* The wind *giggles shyly* sits faiw fow nyews to go to *sighs* Iwewand. +But nyonye wetuwns. Fow us t-to wevy p-powew +Pwopowtionyabwe t-to the enyemy +Is uWu aww unpossibwe. +GWEEN. Besides, ouw nyeawnyess t-to the King in wove +Is *cries* nyeaw the hate of those wove nyot the *sweats* King. +BAGOT. And that UwU is t-the wavewing commons; fow theiw wove +Wies in theiw puwses; and whoso empties them, +By so much fiwws theiw heawts with *looks away* deadwy hate. +BUSHY. *moans* Whewein the King stands :3 genyewawwy condemn'd. +BAGOT. If judgment wie *cuddles you* in t-them, t-then so do we, +Because w-we evew have b-been nyeaw the King. +GWEEN. Weww, I-I wiww fow wefuge stwaight t-to Bwistow Castwe. +The Eaww of Wiwtshiwe is awweady t-thewe. +BUSHY. Thithew wiww ^w^ I with you; *cuddles you* fow >_> wittwe office +Wiww the h-hatefuw *cuddles you* commons p-pewfowm fow us, +Except Eke cuws to teaw us aww to pieces. +Wiww you go *pokes you* awong *sweats* with us? +BAGOT. N-Nyo; I wiww to Iwewand to his Majesty. +Faweweww. If *looks at you* heawt's p-pwesages be nyot vain, +W-We thwee hewe pawt that ^-^ nye'ew shaww meet again. +BUSHY. That's as Yowk thwives to beat back Bowingbwoke. +GWEEN. Awas, p-poow Duke! t-the task he *cries* undewtakes +Is nyumb'wing sands and UwU dwinking oceans dwy. +Whewe onye on his s-side fights, thousands wiww fwy. +Faweweww at once-fow o-once, fow aww, and evew. +BUSHY. Weww, we may meet again. +BAGOT. I feaw me, nyevew. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. +G-Gwoucestewshiwe + +Entew B-BOWINGBWOKE and NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, >_< fowces + +BOWINGBWOKE. How faw is it, my *shuffles closer* wowd, to Bewkewey nyow? +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. ;;w;; Bewieve me, n-nyobwe wowd, +I am a stwangew hewe in Gwoucestewshiwe. +*teleports behind you* These *sweats* high wiwd h-hiwws and wough unyeven w-ways +*looks away* Dwaws out ouw miwes, and makes *looks at you* them w-weawisome; +And yet youw faiw *cries* discouwse hath been as s-sugaw, +Making the hawd way :33 sweet *cries* and *hugs tightly* dewectabwe. +But *sighs* I bethink me what *pokes you* a weawy way +Fwom Wavenspuwgh t-to Cotswowd wiww be found +I-In :33 Woss and *sighs* Wiwwoughby, wanting youw c-company, +Which, I p-pwotest, hath vewy much >w< beguiw'd +*sighs* The OwO tediousnyess and *hugs tightly* pwocess of my twavew. +But theiws *cuddles you* is s-sweet'nyed with the hope to *hugs tightly* have +The pwesent benyefit which I possess; +And hope t-to joy is wittwe wess *notices bulge* in joy +T-Than hope enjoy'd. By this the weawy wowds +Shaww make >_< theiw *moans* way s-seem *moans* showt, as minye hath d-donye +By sight of what I-I have, youw nyobwe company. +B-BOWINGBWOKE. Of much w-wess vawue is ;;w;; my company +Than youw good wowds. B-But who comes hewe? + +*pokes you* Entew HAWWY PEWCY + +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. It is m-my son, young Hawwy Pewcy, +Sent fwom my ^w^ bwothew Wowcestew, whencesoevew. +*teleports behind you* Hawwy, how fawes youw uncwe? +PEWCY. x3 I had thought, my w-wowd, to have weawn'd his heawth of you. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Why, i-is h-he n-nyot w-with the Queen? +PEWCY. Nyo, *twerks* my *pokes you* good wowd; he hath fowsook the couwt, +*cuddles you* Bwoken *notices bulge* his *notices bulge* staff of office, a-and dispews'd +The househowd of the King. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. What was his weason? +H-He was nyot so w-wesowv'd when *sighs* wast we spake t-togethew. +PEWCY. Because youw wowdship was pwocwaimed t-twaitow. +But he, my wowd, is gonye to Wavenspuwgh, +To *blushes* offew sewvice *hugs tightly* to the Duke of Hewefowd; +And sent *pokes you* me ovew by Bewkewey, to discovew +What powew the Duke of Yowk had wevied thewe; +T-Then x3 with diwections *cries* to wepaiw to Wavenspuwgh. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Have you fowgot the Duke of ;;w;; Hewefowd, boy? +PEWCY. Nyo, *hugs tightly* my good OwO wowd; fow that *shuffles closer* is n-nyot fowgot +Which *cuddles you* nye'ew I did wemembew; to :33 my knyowwedge, +I *cuddles you* nyevew i-in my wife did wook on him. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. ^.^ Then weawn to knyow him *teleports behind you* nyow; this is the Duke. +P-PEWCY. My gwacious wowd, I tendew you my s-sewvice, +Such *teleports behind you* as it is, being t-tendew, waw, a-and young; +Which ^.^ ewdew days shaww wipen, and confiwm +*moans* To mowe appwoved sewvice uWu and desewt. +BOWINGBWOKE. I thank thee, gentwe Pewcy; and be suwe +I x3 count mysewf in nyothing *hugs tightly* ewse so happy +A-As in a souw wememb'wing my good fwiends; +And as my fowtunye wipens with t-thy wove, +It shaww be stiww >_> thy :3 twue wove's w-wecompense. +M-My heawt this *notices bulge* covenyant makes, m-my :3 hand thus >_< seaws it. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. *hugs tightly* How faw is it to Bewkewey? A-And what stiw +Keeps good owd Yowk thewe with h-his men of waw? +PEWCY. Thewe stands t-the castwe, by yon *twerks* tuft of *screams* twees, +Mann'd with thwee hundwed m-men, *cuddles you* as *screams* I have heawd; +;;w;; And in it awe the Wowds *looks at you* of Yowk, Bewkewey, and Seymouw- +Nyonye ewse >_> of nyame and nyobwe estimate. + +Entew Woss and WIWWOUGHBY + +N-NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Hewe come the W-Wowds o-of W-Woss and Wiwwoughby, +Bwoody w-with spuwwing, fiewy-wed with haste. +B-BOWINGBWOKE. Wewcome, my wowds. I wot y-youw wove puwsues +A banyish'd twaitow. Aww my *twerks* tweasuwy +Is xDD yet but unfewt t-thanks, which, mowe enwich'd, +>_> Shaww be youw wove uWu and w-wabouw's w-wecompense. +WOSS. UwU Youw pwesence makes us w-wich, m-most nyobwe wowd. +WIWWOUGHBY. And f-faw suwmounts ouw w-wabouw to attain it. +BOWINGBWOKE. Evewmowe thanks, the exchequew o-of the poow; +Which, tiww my i-infant f-fowtunye comes to yeaws, +Stands fow my bounty. B-But who ^-^ comes hewe? + +Entew *shuffles closer* BEWKEWEY + +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. >_> It is my Wowd of Bewkewey, a-as I guess. +BEWKEWEY. My *looks at you* Wowd of Hewefowd, m-my message is to you. +BOWINGBWOKE. >_< My wowd, my answew is-'to Wancastew'; +And I ^-^ am c-come to s-seek that >_> nyame i-in Engwand; +And I must find that ;;w;; titwe in youw tongue +Befowe I *hugs tightly* make wepwy to aught you say. +BEWKEWEY. Mistake me nyot, my wowd; 'tis nyot my meanying +To *pokes you* waze onye *sighs* titwe of youw h-honyouw out. +To you, my wowd, I *leans over* come-what wowd you *looks at you* wiww- +Fwom the most gwacious wegent of this wand, +The *notices bulge* Duke of Yowk, to knyow what pwicks you on +To take advantage of *notices bulge* the absent time, +And fwight ouw nyative *cries* peace with sewf-bownye awms. + +Entew YOWK, attended + +*sighs* BOWINGBWOKE. I s-shaww nyot n-nyeed twanspowt my wowds ^.^ by you; +Hewe comes his *blushes* Gwace i-in pewson. M-My nyobwe uncwe! +[Knyeews] +YOWK. Show me thy h-humbwe h-heawt, *giggles shyly* and nyot thy knyee, +Whose duty is deceivabwe and fawse. +B-BOWINGBWOKE. My gwacious uncwe!- +YOWK. Tut, tut! +Gwace me *giggles shyly* nyo gwace, nyow u-uncwe me nyo uncwe. +I am nyo twaitow's uncwe; and that wowd 'gwace' +In an u-ungwacious *looks away* mouth ^.^ is *cuddles you* but pwofanye. +Why have those banyish'd and fowbidden wegs +Daw'd once to touch a dust of Engwand's gwound? +UwU But then mowe 'why?'-why have they daw'd to mawch +So many miwes upon hew peacefuw bosom, +Fwighting hew pawe-fac'd viwwages with waw +And o-ostentation ^w^ of despised awms? +Com'st thou because *shuffles closer* the anyointed K-King is hence? +Why, *moans* foowish boy, the King ^.^ is weft behind, +And in my woyaw b-bosom wies his powew. +^.^ Wewe I *cuddles you* but nyow wowd of such hot youth +As when bwave Gaunt, thy fathew, and m-mysewf +Wescued the Bwack Pwince, that young Maws of men, +Fwom fowth the *cries* wanks of many thousand Fwench, +O, then *cuddles you* how quickwy shouwd this awm of minye, +Nyow pwisonyew to the *cries* pawsy, *moans* chastise *twerks* the +A-And minyistew cowwection t-to thy fauwt! +BOWINGBWOKE My gwacious uncwe, x3 wet me knyow m-my fauwt; +On what condition s-stands it and ^.^ whewein? +YOWK. Even in condition of the wowst degwee- +In gwoss webewwion and detested tweason. +Thou awt a banyish'd man, and hewe awt c-come +:3 Befowe the expiwation of t-thy time, +In bwaving awms against thy soveweign. +BOWINGBWOKE. As I-I ^w^ was banyish'd, I w-was b-banyish'd Hewefowd; +*teleports behind you* But as I come, I come f-fow W-Wancastew. +And, nyobwe uncwe, x3 I beseech youw Gwace +Wook on my *hugs tightly* wwongs with an i-indiffewent *blushes* eye. +You awe my fathew, fow methinks ^.^ in you +I see *cries* owd Gaunt awive. *hugs tightly* O, then, xDD my fathew, +Wiww y-you pewmit *blushes* that I OwO shaww stand condemn'd +UwU A wandewing vagabond; my wights *teleports behind you* and >_< woyawties +Pwuck'd fwom my *looks at you* awms ^w^ pewfowce, and *sweats* given away +To upstawt unthwifts? *blushes* Whewefowe was I bown? +*cries* If that my cousin king be *screams* King *notices bulge* in Engwand, +It must be gwanted I am Duke *twerks* of Wancastew. +x3 You have a son, Aumewwe, my nyobwe cousin; +Had you fiwst died, and he b-been xDD thus twod down, +He >w< shouwd have found his uncwe *hugs tightly* Gaunt a *pokes you* fathew +To wouse his wwongs a-and chase them to the bay. +*screams* I am denyied to sue UwU my *blushes* wivewy hewe, +And yet my wettews patents *pokes you* give me weave. +My fathew's goods a-awe aww d-distwain'd and sowd; +And these a-and aww awe a-aww amiss empwoy'd. +^.^ What wouwd you have me do? I-I ^w^ am a ^w^ subject, +And I x3 chawwenge waw-attownyeys awe d-denyied me; +^.^ And thewefowe pewsonyawwy I way *hugs tightly* my c-cwaim +T-To my inhewitance of *teleports behind you* fwee descent. +OwO NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. T-The nyobwe Duke *looks at you* hath been too much a-abused. +WOSS. It stands youw ;;w;; Gwace upon to do him wight. +*cries* WIWWOUGHBY. Base men by his endowments awe made gweat. +*notices bulge* YOWK. My wowds of Engwand, wet me teww you this: +I *giggles shyly* have xDD had feewing of my cousin's w-wwongs, +*moans* And wabouw'd *hugs tightly* aww I couwd to do him ^.^ wight; +But *sighs* in this kind to come, in bwaving awms, +Be his own cawvew >_> and cut out his way, +To find out wight with wwong-it may nyot be; +xDD And you that *looks away* do abet him in this >w< kind +Chewish w-webewwion, and awe webews aww. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. The n-nyobwe Duke hath swown *teleports behind you* his coming >_< is +But ^-^ fow his own; and fow the wight of that +We aww have s-stwongwy swown to give him aid; +And wet him nyevew see *looks away* joy that bweaks that oath! +YOWK. Weww, weww, I :3 see the issue of these awms. +*screams* I cannyot mend it, I must nyeeds confess, +Because my powew is *shuffles closer* weak and aww iww weft; +B-But if I-I couwd, by Him *screams* that g-gave me wife, +I wouwd attach *cries* you aww and m-make you stoop +*moans* Unto >w< the soveweign mewcy of *hugs tightly* the King; +uWu But s-since I cannyot, be it x3 knyown unto you +I :3 do wemain a-as nyeutew. S-So, *looks away* fawe you >_> weww; +Unwess you *sweats* pwease to UwU entew i-in the castwe, +A-And thewe wepose you fow this *sighs* nyight. +BOWINGBWOKE. An offew, uncwe, that we wiww accept. +But we m-must win youw Gwace to go with us +To Bwistow :33 Castwe, w-which they say is hewd +By Bushy, Bagot, and theiw *pokes you* compwices, +The catewpiwwaws of the commonweawth, +Which I have swown to weed and pwuck away. +Y-YOWK. *screams* It m-may be I-I wiww g-go with you; *giggles shyly* but yet I'ww pause, +F-Fow I am *looks at you* woath to bweak ouw countwy's waws. +Nyow fwiends nyow foes, t-to me w-wewcome y-you awe. +Things past w-wedwess awe nyow *hugs tightly* with me p-past cawe. Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE 4. +A camp in W-Wawes + +E-Entew EAWW O-OF SAWISBUWY and a WEWSH CAPTAIN + +CAPTAIN. My Wowd of *leans over* Sawisbuwy, we have stay'd ten days +And hawdwy *cries* kept ouw countwymen togethew, +And yet we h-heaw nyo *shuffles closer* tidings fwom the King; +*sweats* Thewefowe w-we wiww dispewse ouwsewves. Faweweww. +*cuddles you* SAWISBUWY. Stay ^w^ yet anyothew day, t-thou twusty W-Wewshman; +T-The UwU King *cries* weposeth aww *teleports behind you* his confidence i-in thee. +CAPTAIN. '-'Tis thought *cuddles you* the King is dead; we *moans* wiww nyot stay. +The >w< bay twees i-in ouw UwU countwy awe *looks at you* aww withew'd, +A-And meteows fwight the *looks at you* fixed staws of heaven; +The pawe-fac'd moon wooks bwoody on the e-eawth, +*sweats* And wean-wook'd pwophets whispew feawfuw change; +W-Wich men wook s-sad, a-and wuffians dance and weap- +The o-onye i-in f-feaw to >_> wose what they enjoy, +xDD The >_< othew to enjoy by wage and waw. +These signs fowewun *giggles shyly* the death *teleports behind you* ow faww of kings. +Faweweww. Ouw countwymen awe gonye *cries* and fwed, +As weww assuw'd Wichawd theiw King i-is dead. E-Exit +SAWISBUWY. Ah, Wichawd, w-with the eyes of uWu heavy *sweats* mind, +I-I s-see t-thy *sighs* gwowy wike a ;;w;; shooting s-staw +F-Faww to ^w^ the base eawth fwom the fiwmament! +T-The sun sets weeping in the wowwy west, +Witnyessing s-stowms to come, woe, and unwest; +Thy fwiends awe fwed, to wait upon thy foes; +^.^ And cwosswy to thy good aww fowtunye goes. Exit + + + + +<> + + + +ACT *notices bulge* III. SCENyE I-I. +BOWINGBWOKE'S *cuddles you* camp at B-Bwistow + +Entew *moans* BOWINGBWOKE, YOWK, NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, *sweats* PEWCY, WOSS, WIWWOUGHBY, +B-BUSHY and *cuddles you* GWEEN, *hugs tightly* pwisonyews + +BOWINGBWOKE. Bwing fowth these men. +B-Bushy a-and Gween, I wiww nyot vex youw souws- +Since pwesentwy >w< youw souws must pawt youw bodies- +xDD With too ^-^ much uwging x3 youw pewnyicious w-wives, +UwU Fow 'twewe nyo c-chawity; yet, to >_> wash youw b-bwood +Fwom off my hands, hewe in the view of men +I-I wiww unfowd some causes of youw deaths: +You have miswed xDD a pwince, a woyaw king, +A happy gentweman in *leans over* bwood *sighs* and winyeaments, +By you unhappied and disfiguwed cwean; +You have in *pokes you* mannyew with youw sinfuw houws +Made a d-divowce betwixt his queen and him; +*moans* Bwoke UwU the possession of a woyaw bed, +And s-stain'd the beauty of a faiw q-queen's *sighs* cheeks +With teaws dwawn fwom hew eyes by y-youw fouw wwongs; +>_< Mysewf-a pwince by fowtunye of my biwth, +Nyeaw *shuffles closer* to *shuffles closer* the King in bwood, a-and nyeaw in w-wove +Tiww you did make him misintewpwet me- +uWu Have stoop'd my nyeck undew youw injuwies +A-And *moans* sigh'd my Engwish bweath in f-foweign cwouds, +Eating the bittew bwead *sweats* of *blushes* banyishment, +Whiwst you have fed u-upon my signyowies, +Dispawk'd my pawks and feww'd my fowest ^.^ woods, +Fwom my o-own windows town my *cries* househowd coat, +W-Waz'd OwO out my impwese, weaving m-me *pokes you* nyo sign +Save men's opinyions and my *sighs* wiving bwood +To s-show the w-wowwd I-I am a gentweman. +>_> This and much mowe, *leans over* much mowe than t-twice aww this, +Condemns you to *teleports behind you* the death. See >_> them dewivewed ovew +To execution and the hand o-of death. +BUSHY. Mowe w-wewcome *twerks* is the stwoke of death to me +Than Bowingbwoke t-to Engwand. Wowds, *notices bulge* faweweww. +GWEEN. My comfowt is that heaven wiww take o-ouw souws, +And pwague *leans over* injustice with t-the pains of *blushes* heww. +BOWINGBWOKE. My Wowd Nyowthumbewwand, see them *teleports behind you* dispatch'd. +Exeunt NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, *twerks* and othews, with the pwisonyews +Uncwe, you say *notices bulge* the Queen is at youw house; +Fow God's sake, f-faiwwy *pokes you* wet hew be e-entweated. +Teww hew I s-send to hew my kind commends; +T-Take speciaw cawe my g-gweetings b-be dewivewed. +YOWK. A gentweman of *twerks* minye I have dispatch'd +With wettews of youw wove to h-hew at wawge. +BOWINGBWOKE. Thanks, gentwe uncwe. Come, *blushes* wowds, away, +To fight with Gwendowew and his compwices. +Awhiwe to wowk, and aftew *sweats* howiday. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. +The coast of Wawes. A castwe >_> in view + +Dwums. *cries* Fwouwish and c-cowouws. Entew the KING, the BISHOP OF CAWWISWE, +:33 AUMEWWE, and *cuddles you* sowdiews + +KING WICHAWD. *twerks* Bawkwoughwy >_> Castwe can they this at hand? +*twerks* AUMEWWE. *hugs tightly* Yea, my wowd. How bwooks youw Gwace t-the aiw +Aftew youw wate >_< tossing on *screams* the bweaking seas? +KING WICHAWD. Nyeeds must I w-wike it weww. I weep fow joy +T-To stand upon my kingdom once a-again. +Deaw eawth, I do sawute t-thee with my hand, +T-Though webews wound thee with theiw *screams* howses' h-hoofs. +As a wong-pawted mothew with hew chiwd +Pways fondwy w-with hew *leans over* teaws and smiwes *sighs* in m-meeting, +^.^ So weeping-smiwing gweet I thee, m-my eawth, +And do thee favouws with my *sighs* woyaw h-hands. +Feed nyot t-thy soveweign's >_< foe, my g-gentwe UwU eawth, +Nyow with thy sweets c-comfowt his w-wavenyous sense; +But wet thy spidews, t-that suck up thy v-venyom, +And heavy-gaited toads, wie in theiw way, +Doing annyoyance to the tweachewous feet +Which with usuwping steps do twampwe *pokes you* thee; +Yiewd stinging n-nyettwes *blushes* to minye enyemies; +And *moans* when they ;;w;; fwom thy bosom p-pwuck a-a fwowew, +Guawd it, I pway *looks away* thee, *cuddles you* with a wuwking addew, +Whose doubwe >_< tongue may >_> with *pokes you* a mowtaw touch +Thwow death upon t-thy soveweign's >_> enyemies. +M-Mock nyot my sensewess conjuwation, wowds. +This ^.^ eawth shaww ^-^ have a feewing, and these stonyes +P-Pwove awmed sowdiews, ewe hew nyative king +Shaww fawtew >_< undew fouw webewwion's *teleports behind you* awms. +CAWWISWE. Feaw nyot, my wowd; t-that Powew that made you king +Hath >w< powew t-to OwO keep >w< you k-king i-in spite of aww. +The :33 means that heaven yiewds must be embwac'd +And n-nyot nyegwected; ewse, if heaven *blushes* wouwd, +And we wiww nyot, heaven's offew we wefuse, +The pwoffewed m-means of succouw and w-wedwess. +AUMEWWE. He means, my wowd, that we awe too wemiss; +Whiwst Bowingbwoke, thwough ouw uWu secuwity, +Gwows stwong and gweat in substance and in powew. +KING WICHAWD. Discomfowtabwe cousin! k-knyow'st thou nyot +That when the seawching eye *sighs* of heaven is hid, +*teleports behind you* Behind the gwobe, *sighs* that wights x3 the w-wowew wowwd, +T-Then thieves a-and wobbews wange abwoad unseen +I-In muwdews and in outwage b-bowdwy hewe; +But w-when fwom undew this tewwestwiaw baww +He UwU fiwes the pwoud tops of t-the eastewn pinyes +And dawts his wight thwough e-evewy guiwty howe, +Then muwdews, *looks away* tweasons, and detested :3 sins, +T-The cwoak ;;w;; of nyight b-being p-pwuck'd *twerks* fwom off theiw backs, +*hugs tightly* Stand bawe :3 and nyaked, twembwing at themsewves? +So w-when this thief, *moans* this twaitow, Bowingbwoke, +*moans* Who >_< aww this whiwe hath weveww'd in *cuddles you* the nyight, +*looks at you* Whiwst we w-wewe wand'wing w-with the *cuddles you* Antipodes, +Shaww see us wising *screams* in ouw thwonye, the east, +His tweasons wiww sit bwushing in his f-face, +Nyot abwe ;;w;; to enduwe the sight of d-day, +But *leans over* sewf-affwighted twembwe at his sin. +Nyot a-aww the watew in the wough wude *cuddles you* sea +Can wash the bawm off f-fwom an anyointed king; +The bweath o-of wowwdwy men cannyot depose +The d-deputy ewected by the W-Wowd. +OwO Fow e-evewy >w< man that Bowingbwoke hath pwess'd +To *looks at you* wift shwewd x3 steew uWu against o-ouw gowden c-cwown, +God fow his Wichawd hath in heavenwy pay +A-A gwowious angew. Then, if angews fight, +Weak men must >_< faww; f-fow *twerks* heaven s-stiww guawds the wight. + +*looks at you* Entew SAWISBUWY + +Wewcome, my wowd. *shuffles closer* How faw off w-wies youw powew? +SAWISBUWY. Nyow nyeaw nyow fawthew o-off, my gwacious wowd, +Than this ;;w;; weak awm. Discomfowt guides m-my tongue, +And bids OwO me speak of nyothing but despaiw. +Onye day too wate, I feaw me, nyobwe wowd, +Hath cwouded *moans* aww thy happy days on eawth. +O, c-caww >_< back y-yestewday, bid time wetuwn, +And thou shawt >_> have twewve thousand fighting men! +To-day, to-day, u-unhappy day, too wate, +O'ewthwows t-thy joys, fwiends, fowtunye, and thy state; +Fow aww the Wewshmen, heawing thou wewt dead, +Awe gonye to Bowingbwoke, *twerks* dispews'd, and fwed. +A-AUMEWWE. Comfowt, my wiege, w-why wooks youw Gwace ^w^ so *looks at you* pawe? +KING WICHAWD. B-But nyow the bwood of twenty thousand m-men +*giggles shyly* Did ^w^ twiumph in my face, and t-they awe fwed; +And, tiww so much bwood thithew come again, +*cries* Have I nyot weason to wook pawe and dead? +Aww :3 souws that wiww be safe, fwy f-fwom my side; +Fow t-time hath set a bwot upon my pwide. +AUMEWWE. Comfowt, my wiege; wemembew who you awe. +KING WICHAWD. I had fowgot mysewf; am *shuffles closer* I nyot King? +A-Awake, t-thou cowawd majesty! thou sweepest. +^-^ Is n-nyot the King's nyame twenty thousand nyames? +Awm, *looks at you* awm, my n-nyame! a puny subject *pokes you* stwikes +At thy gweat gwowy. Wook nyot to the gwound, +*blushes* Ye favouwites of a king; awe w-we nyot high? +High be ouw thoughts. I knyow uWu my uncwe *sighs* Yowk +Hath *sighs* powew *sweats* enyough >w< to sewve ouw tuwn. *hugs tightly* But w-who comes hewe? + +Entew SCWOOP + +*hugs tightly* SCWOOP. ^-^ Mowe heawth *blushes* and happinyess betide my *hugs tightly* wiege +Than can my cawe-tun'd tongue dewivew him. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Minye eaw *looks at you* is open and my heawt pwepaw'd. +*giggles shyly* The wowst i-is wowwdwy woss thou ^w^ canst unfowd. +uWu Say, x3 is m-my kingdom wost? *sighs* Why, 'twas my cawe, +And what woss is it >_< to be wid of cawe? +Stwives Bowingbwoke to be a-as g-gweat as ^-^ we? +G-Gweatew he shaww nyot be; *teleports behind you* if h-he sewve God, +We'ww sewve him too, a-and be his fewwow so. +Wevowt ouw subjects? That we cannyot *screams* mend; +They b-bweak theiw *cuddles you* faith to God as *cuddles you* weww as us. +*cuddles you* Cwy woe, destwuction, *teleports behind you* wuin, and decay- +The :3 wowst is death, and death wiww have his d-day. +SCWOOP. Gwad am I that youw Highnyess i-is so awm'd +To ;;w;; beaw the tidings of cawamity. +Wike an unseasonyabwe stowmy day +Which makes the siwvew wivews dwown theiw OwO showes, +As if the wowwd wewe aww dissowv'd t-to teaws, +So high above h-his wimits swewws the wage +uWu Of Bowingbwoke, covewing youw feawfuw w-wand +With hawd bwight steew and heawts hawdew than steew. +White-beawds have awm'd theiw *screams* thin and haiwwess scawps +Against thy majesty; boys, with women's voices, +*giggles shyly* Stwive to speak big, and cwap theiw femawe joints +:33 In stiff unwiewdy awms against thy cwown; +Thy *giggles shyly* vewy beadsmen weawn to bend *screams* theiw bows +Of doubwe-fataw yew against thy state; +Y-Yea, distaff-women manyage *notices bulge* wusty b-biwws +Against thy seat: both y-young and owd webew, +And a-aww goes wowse UwU than I have powew to teww. +K-KING WICHAWD. Too weww, too w-weww thou teww'st a tawe s-so *screams* in. +*sighs* Whewe is the *giggles shyly* Eaww of Wiwtshiwe? Whewe is B-Bagot? +W-What is b-become of Bushy? Whewe is Gween? +That they have wet *blushes* the dangewous enyemy +Measuwe *looks at you* ouw confinyes *shuffles closer* with such *hugs tightly* peacefuw steps? +If we pwevaiw, theiw heads shaww pay fow it. +I wawwant they *looks away* have made peace with Bowingbwoke. +SCWOOP. Peace have they made with h-him indeed, my *cries* wowd. +KING *pokes you* WICHAWD. *notices bulge* O viwwains, vipews, d-damn'd without wedemption! +x3 Dogs, easiwy won to *twerks* fawn on a-any man! +*blushes* Snyakes, in my heawt-bwood wawm'd, that sting my heawt! +Thwee Judases, each onye thwice wowse than J-Judas! +Wouwd they make peace? uWu Tewwibwe heww make waw +Upon theiw spotted souws f-fow this offence! +S-SCWOOP. Sweet wove, I ^-^ see, changing his pwopewty, +Tuwns *notices bulge* to t-the souwest and most deadwy hate. +Again uncuwse theiw souws; *teleports behind you* theiw peace xDD is made +With heads, and nyot with hands; t-those :3 whom you cuwse +Have fewt the wowst of d-death's destwoying wound +*looks at you* And wie fuww wow, gwav'd in the howwow g-gwound. +AUMEWWE. Is Bushy, Gween, and the *twerks* Eaww of Wiwtshiwe dead? +SCWOOP. Ay, *shuffles closer* aww of them at Bwistow wost theiw heads. +A-AUMEWWE. *giggles shyly* Whewe is the Duke my :33 fathew with his powew? +KING WICHAWD. Nyo mattew whewe-of *leans over* comfowt :3 nyo man speak. +Wet's tawk of gwaves, of w-wowms, and epitaphs; +Make dust ouw ^.^ papew, and with wainy e-eyes +Wwite sowwow on the bosom of *sighs* the eawth. +Wet's choose >_< executows and tawk *blushes* of wiwws; +And y-yet x3 nyot s-so-fow what *pokes you* can we bequeath +>w< Save ouw d-deposed bodies to the *looks at you* gwound? +Ouw wands, o-ouw wives, and an, awe Bowingbwoke's. +And nyothing can we *teleports behind you* can ouw own but *screams* death +And that s-smaww m-modew of the bawwen *cuddles you* eawth +Which sewves as *cuddles you* paste ^.^ and covew to ouw bonyes. +Fow God's sake wet us s-sit upon the gwound +And *teleports behind you* teww sad stowies of the death of kings: +How s-some have b-been depos'd, some swain >_> in waw, +Some *hugs tightly* haunted by the ghosts they have d-depos'd, +Some poison'd by theiw *cuddles you* wives, some sweeping kiww'd, +*teleports behind you* Aww *looks at you* muwdew'd-fow within the howwow *shuffles closer* cwown +That wounds t-the mowtaw tempwes of a king +Keeps Death his couwt; and thewe the UwU antic sits, +Scoffing his ^.^ state a-and g-gwinnying at *cuddles you* his pomp; +Awwowing him a bweath, a w-wittwe scenye, +To monyawchize, ^.^ be feaw'd, and kiww with w-wooks; +I-Infusing h-him with sewf and v-vain conceit, +*shuffles closer* As if this f-fwesh which ^-^ wawws about *pokes you* ouw wife +Wewe bwass impwegnyabwe; and, humouw'd thus, +Comes at the wast, a-and *cuddles you* with *cuddles you* a *looks at you* wittwe pin +Bowes *sighs* thwough ^.^ his castwe waww, and faweweww, king! +Covew *twerks* youw h-heads, and mock nyot fwesh and bwood +With sowemn wevewence; thwow away w-wespect, +Twadition, *sweats* fowm, and *notices bulge* cewemonyious duty; +Fow you have but mistook me aww this whiwe. +I wive with b-bwead wike you, feew want, +Taste gwief, nyeed fwiends: subjected thus, +xDD How can you say t-to me I am *sweats* a king? +CAWWISWE. My wowd, *pokes you* wise men nye'ew sit a-and waiw ^-^ theiw woes, +:3 But pwesentwy pwevent xDD the ways to waiw. +To feaw the *cries* foe, s-since feaw oppwesseth stwength, +Gives, in youw weaknyess, xDD stwength unto y-youw *shuffles closer* foe, +And so youw fowwies OwO fight *hugs tightly* against youwsewf. +Feaw and :33 be swain-nyo wowse can *cuddles you* come to fight; +*sweats* And fight ;;w;; and die is death destwoying death, +Whewe feawing *teleports behind you* dying pays death sewviwe bweath. +AUMEWWE. My fathew hath a powew; inquiwe of him, +And w-weawn to make *sighs* a body of a wimb. +KING WICHAWD. Thou chid'st me weww. Pwoud Bowingbwoke, I come +To change bwows with >_< thee fow ouw day of doom. +This ague fit of feaw is ovew-bwown; +An e-easy task it is to w-win ouw own. +S-Say, Scwoop, whewe wies *leans over* ouw uncwe with his p-powew? +Speak s-sweetwy, man, awthough thy wooks be souw. +SCWOOP. Men *looks at you* judge by the ;;w;; compwexion of the sky +The state >w< in incwinyation of the day; +;;w;; So may you ^-^ by my duww and heavy eye, +M-My tongue hath but a heaview tawe to say. +I pway the towtuwew, by smaww and smaww +To wengthen out the wowst that must be spoken: +Youw >w< uncwe Yowk is join'd with Bowingbwoke; +And *shuffles closer* aww youw *screams* nyowthewn castwes yiewded u-up, +And aww youw southewn gentwemen in awms +Upon his pawty. +KING WICHAWD. Thou hast s-said enyough. +[To AUMEWWE] *shuffles closer* Beshwew thee, cousin, which didst wead *sighs* me :3 fowth +Of that sweet way I ^.^ was xDD in to despaiw! +What say :3 you *notices bulge* nyow? What comfowt have we nyow? +By heaven, I-I'ww hate >_< him evewwastingwy +T-That >_> bids me be of comfowt any mowe. +uWu Go t-to Fwint Castwe; thewe I'ww pinye away; +A king, woe's swave, shaww kingwy woe obey. +That powew I UwU have, dischawge; x3 and wet them go +*looks away* To eaw the wand that hath some h-hope to gwow, +Fow >_> I *leans over* have nyonye. Wet nyo man speak again +*shuffles closer* To awtew this, fow xDD counsew is but vain. +AUMEWWE. My ^w^ wiege, onye w-wowd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. He does m-me doubwe wwong +That w-wounds m-me with the fwattewies of UwU his tongue. +Dischawge my fowwowews; w-wet them hence away, +Fwom Wichawd's nyight OwO to Bowingbwoke's faiw day. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. +Wawes. Befowe Fwint Castwe + +Entew, with dwum and cowouws, BOWINGBWOKE, YOWK, NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, +and fowces + +B-BOWINGBWOKE. *shuffles closer* So that by this *looks at you* intewwigence we weawn +The *cries* Wewshmen awe ^-^ dispews'd; and Sawisbuwy +Is gonye to *pokes you* meet the King, w-who *cuddles you* watewy wanded +With some few pwivate f-fwiends upon *looks away* this ^.^ coast. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. The nyews :3 is vewy faiw and good, my wowd. +Wichawd nyot f-faw fwom hence hath *looks at you* hid h-his head. +*blushes* YOWK. >_> It wouwd beseem *giggles shyly* the Wowd Nyowthumbewwand +UwU To *looks at you* say 'King W-Wichawd.' UwU Awack the heavy day +When s-such a sacwed king shouwd h-hide his head! +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Youw ;;w;; Gwace mistakes; onwy to be bwief, +*leans over* Weft I h-his titwe o-out. +YOWK. The time hath been, +Wouwd you have >w< been so bwief with him, he wouwd +H-Have *leans over* been so bwief with you to showten you, +Fow taking s-so t-the head, *giggles shyly* youw >_> whowe head's wength. +BOWINGBWOKE. Mistake nyot, uncwe, *looks away* fuwthew than you shouwd. +YOWK. T-Take nyot, good cousin, f-fuwthew than y-you shouwd, +W-West *giggles shyly* you mistake. The heavens awe o-ovew ouw *teleports behind you* heads. +B-BOWINGBWOKE. I knyow *leans over* it, >_> uncwe; and oppose *screams* nyot mysewf +Against theiw wiww. >_> But who ^-^ comes hewe? + +Entew PEWCY + +Wewcome, Hawwy. What, *sweats* wiww nyot this castwe yiewd? +PIEWCY. *twerks* The castwe woyawwy is mann'd, my wowd, +Against *hugs tightly* thy entwance. +BOWINGBWOKE. W-Woyawwy! +Why, it contains nyo king? +PEWCY. ;;w;; Yes, m-my good wowd, +I-It d-doth OwO contain a king; K-King >w< Wichawd wies +Within the w-wimits of y-yon wime and s-stonye; +And >_< with him awe the Wowd A-Aumewwe, Wowd Sawisbuwy, +S-Siw S-Stephen Scwoop, besides a cwewgyman +Of howy wevewence; who, I *leans over* cannyot weawn. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. *twerks* O, bewike it is *notices bulge* the Bishop of Cawwiswe. +BOWINGBWOKE. [To NyOWTHUMBEWWAND] ^-^ Nyobwe wowd, +Go to the wude xDD wibs *pokes you* of t-that ancient :3 castwe; +T-Thwough b-bwazen twumpet s-send the bweath of pawwey +Into his w-wuin'd eaws, and thus dewivew: +*moans* Henwy Bowingbwoke +On both his knyees ^-^ doth *cuddles you* kiss King *pokes you* Wichawd's h-hand, +And sends awwegiance and twue f-faith of heawt +To his most woyaw pewson; hithew come +Even at h-his feet *blushes* to way m-my awms >w< and powew, +Pwovided that *sweats* my banyishment wepeaw'd +And wands westow'd again be >_> fweewy gwanted; +If nyot, I'ww u-use the a-advantage of my powew +And w-way the summew's dust w-with showews of bwood +Wain'd fwom the wounds of swaughtewed Engwishmen; +T-The which how faw off fwom the mind of Bowingbwoke +It is such cwimson t-tempest shouwd bedwench +The fwesh gween wap of x3 faiw *shuffles closer* King Wichawd's w-wand, +My stooping duty tendewwy shaww show. +Go, signyify a-as much, *moans* whiwe h-hewe >w< we mawch +Upon xDD the gwassy cawpet o-of this pwain. +[NyOWTHUMBEWWAND ;;w;; advances to the C-Castwe, with a twumpet] +W-Wet's mawch without *looks away* the nyoise of thweat'nying dwum, +*giggles shyly* That f-fwom this ^-^ castwe's tottewed battwements +*pokes you* Ouw faiw appointments may b-be weww pewus'd. +M-Methinks King Wichawd :33 and mysewf shouwd *moans* meet +With nyo wess t-tewwow than the ewements +Of f-fiwe and watew, when theiw thund'wing shock +At m-meeting teaws the cwoudy cheeks of heaven. +Be he the fiwe, *giggles shyly* I'ww be OwO the yiewding ^-^ watew; +The :33 wage be his, whiwst on the eawth >_> I wain +My watews-on the eawth, a-and >_< nyot o-on him. +:3 Mawch on, and mawk King Wichawd how he wooks. + +Pawwe without, a-and answew within; then a fwouwish. +Entew o-on :3 the wawws, the KING, the BISHOP OF CAWWISWE, +*looks away* AUMEWWE, SCWOOP, *pokes you* and SAWISBUWY + +See, see, King Wichawd doth himsewf appeaw, +As doth t-the bwushing discontented sun +Fwom out ;;w;; the fiewy powtaw o-of the east, +When he pewceives the envious cwouds awe b-bent +To dim his gwowy and to stain the twack +Of his bwight p-passage to the occident. +YOWK. Y-Yet he wooks >w< wike a king. *blushes* Behowd, ^w^ his eye, +As bwight as is t-the eagwe's, wightens *twerks* fowth +Contwowwing majesty. A-Awack, awack, fow woe, +That *hugs tightly* any hawm shouwd s-stain s-so faiw a show! +KING WICHAWD. [-[To NyOWTHUMBEWWAND] W-We awe amaz'd; and thus wong +have we stood +T-To watch the feawfuw bending *sighs* of t-thy k-knyee, +Because we thought ouwsewf thy wawfuw King; +And if we be, how d-dawe thy joints *looks at you* fowget +To pay theiw awfuw duty t-to ouw pwesence? +If we b-be nyot, s-show us the hand o-of God +T-That hath d-dismiss'd us fwom ouw stewawdship; +Fow weww we knyow nyo hand of xDD bwood a-and bonye +C-Can x3 gwipe >_< the sacwed handwe of *moans* ouw sceptwe, +Unwess he do pwofanye, *blushes* steaw, ow u-usuwp. +And though you think *cuddles you* that aww, a-as *notices bulge* you have donye, +Have town theiw souws *notices bulge* by t-tuwnying them fwom us, +*twerks* And *hugs tightly* we awe b-bawwen and beweft *looks at you* of fwiends, +*teleports behind you* Yet uWu knyow-my :33 mastew, God omnyipotent, +I-Is m-mustewing ^w^ in his cwouds on ouw behawf +A-Awmies of *looks at you* pestiwence; a-and t-they shaww stwike +Youw chiwdwen yet unbown a-and unbegot, +That wift youw vassaw hands against *shuffles closer* my h-head +And thweat the gwowy of my pwecious cwown. +Teww Bowingbwoke, fow yon m-methinks he stands, +That evewy s-stwide he makes upon my wand +I-Is dangewous tweason; he is come to open +The puwpwe testament x3 of *cries* bweeding waw; +But *twerks* ewe the cwown he wooks fow wive in peace, +Ten thousand bwoody cwowns of mothews' sons +Shaww iww become the fwowew *cuddles you* of Engwand's face, +Change the compwexion of hew :33 maid-pawe peace +To scawwet indignyation, and b-bedew +Hew *notices bulge* pastuwes' xDD gwass with faithfuw E-Engwish bwood. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. The King of Heaven fowbid ouw wowd the King +Shouwd so with civiw a-and unciviw awms +B-Be :33 wush'd upon! Thy thwice nyobwe cousin, +Hawwy Bowingbwoke, *moans* doth h-humbwy kiss thy h-hand; +A-And by the honyouwabwe tomb he sweaws +That stands upon youw woyaw gwandsiwe's bonyes, +And by the ^w^ woyawties of both x3 youw bwoods, +Cuwwents that spwing fwom onye m-most *leans over* gwacious head, +And b-by the buwied hand of wawwike >_> Gaunt, +And *cuddles you* by the wowth and h-honyouw *moans* of ^-^ himsewf, +Compwising aww that may *twerks* be swown ow said, +>_> His coming hithew hath nyo fuwthew *looks away* scope +T-Than fow h-his w-winyeaw woyawties, and to beg +Enfwanchisement immediate on h-his knyees; +Which >_> on thy *sighs* woyaw pawty gwanted once, +H-His gwittewing awms *cries* he wiww commend to wust, +*sighs* His b-bawbed steeds to stabwes, and his heawt +To ^w^ faithfuw sewvice of UwU youw Majesty. +*hugs tightly* This s-sweaws he, *moans* as he is a pwince, is just; +A-And *pokes you* as *leans over* I am *teleports behind you* a gentweman I cwedit him. +KING WICHAWD. *sighs* Nyowthumbewwand, say *hugs tightly* thus the King wetuwns: +His nyobwe cousin is wight wewcome hithew; +And aww the nyumbew of his faiw demands +Shaww b-be accompwish'd without contwadiction. +With *looks away* aww *twerks* the >_> gwacious uttewance thou hast +S-Speak to *pokes you* his gentwe heawing kind commends. +[-[To AUMEWWE] We *notices bulge* do *looks away* debase ouwsewves, cousin, do we nyot, +To wook so poowwy and to speak so faiw? +Shaww we caww back N-Nyowthumbewwand, and send +Defiance to t-the twaitow, and so die? +A-AUMEWWE. Nyo, OwO good *leans over* my wowd; wet's fight with gentwe ^w^ wowds +Tiww time wend *hugs tightly* fwiends, and fwiends *looks at you* theiw *pokes you* hewpfuw swowds. +x3 KING W-WICHAWD. O-O *notices bulge* God, O God! that e'ew *sighs* this tongue >w< of minye +*giggles shyly* That waid *hugs tightly* the s-sentence of *blushes* dwead banyishment +On yon pwoud man shouwd take i-it off again +W-With w-wowds *looks at you* of sooth! O that I wewe a-as gweat +As is my g-gwief, ow wessew than my *screams* nyame! +Ow *shuffles closer* that I couwd fowget what I-I :3 have b-been! +Ow n-nyot wemembew what I must be nyow! +Sweww'st thou, pwoud heawt? >_> I'ww g-give thee scope to *notices bulge* beat, +*moans* Since *pokes you* foes h-have s-scope t-to beat *looks away* both thee a-and *shuffles closer* me. +AUMEWWE. Nyowthumbewwand comes back fwom Bowingbwoke. +KING WICHAWD. What must t-the King do nyow? M-Must h-he ^w^ submit? +The King shaww do it. M-Must he be depos'd? +>w< The King *cries* shaww be contented. Must he wose +The nyame of king? A God's nyame, wet it go. +*hugs tightly* I'ww give my jewews xDD fow a set *sighs* of b-beads, +My g-gowgeous pawace fow a hewmitage, +My g-gay appawew fow an awmsman's gown, +My figuw'd *giggles shyly* gobwets fow a-a dish *looks away* of wood, +My sceptwe fow a *teleports behind you* pawmew's *blushes* wawking staff, +My subjects uWu fow a paiw of cawved s-saints, +*teleports behind you* And my wawge kingdom *screams* fow a wittwe gwave, +A w-wittwe wittwe g-gwave, :3 an *screams* obscuwe g-gwave- +Ow I'ww be buwied i-in the k-king's high way, +S-Some w-way :33 of c-common twade, whewe s-subjects' feet +M-May houwwy t-twampwe on theiw soveweign's head; +Fow on my heawt they twead nyow whiwst I wive, +And buwied once, why nyot upon my head? +Aumewwe, *twerks* thou weep'st, my tendew-heawted c-cousin! +We'ww m-make fouw weathew with d-despised teaws; +Ouw sighs and UwU they shaww wodge the summew cown +And make a deawth in this wevowting wand. +Ow shaww we pway the wantons with ouw woes +And make s-some pwetty match w-with shedding teaws? +As thus: *looks away* to dwop them stiww u-upon onye pwace +Tiww t-they have fwetted u-us a-a paiw of gwaves +Within the >_< eawth; and, thewein waid-thewe *looks away* wies +Two kinsmen digg'd theiw gwaves with weeping e-eyes. +W-Wouwd nyot t-this iww *twerks* do weww? Weww, w-weww, I see +:33 I tawk *cuddles you* but idwy, and you waugh at me. +Most mighty pwince, my Wowd Nyowthumbewwand, +What says *looks away* King Bowingbwoke? Wiww his Majesty +Give W-Wichawd weave to wive tiww ^.^ Wichawd *blushes* die? +You make *cuddles you* a weg, and Bowingbwoke says ay. +*cries* NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. My wowd, in the base couwt he doth attend +To speak with you; may i-it pwease y-you to c-come down? +KING WICHAWD. Down, down I ;;w;; come, w-wike gwist'wing Phaethon, +Wanting t-the manyage of u-unwuwy jades. +In the *sighs* base couwt? Base :3 couwt, >w< whewe kings gwow base, +*teleports behind you* To come at twaitows' cawws, a-and *moans* do them gwace. +I-In the *cries* base couwt? Come down? Down, couwt! down, k-king! +Fow nyight-owws shwiek whewe mounting wawks :3 shouwd sing. +Exeunt fwom above +B-BOWINGBWOKE. What says his M-Majesty? +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Sowwow and gwief of heawt +Makes him speak fondwy, wike a fwantic man; +Yet he is come. + +E-Entew the KING, and *shuffles closer* his attendants, bewow + +BOWINGBWOKE. Stand aww apawt, +And show faiw duty t-to his Majesty. [He knyeews down] +*hugs tightly* My gwacious wowd- +K-KING WICHAWD. F-Faiw cousin, *blushes* you debase youw *sweats* pwincewy knyee +To make the base eawth pwoud with kissing it. +M-Me wathew had my heawt might f-feew youw wove +Than my unpweas'd eye s-see youw c-couwtesy. +Up, cousin, up; youw heawt is up, I knyow, +[Touching his own head] Thus high at weast, awthough *notices bulge* youw +knyee be wow. +BOWINGBWOKE. My *notices bulge* gwacious w-wowd, I :3 come but fow minye own. +KING WICHAWD. Youw own is youws, and I-I uWu am youws, and aww. +*shuffles closer* BOWINGBWOKE. UwU So faw be minye, my most wedoubted wowd, +As m-my twue sewvice ^.^ shaww desewve youw *screams* wove. +KING WICHAWD. Weww you d-desewve. T-They w-weww desewve to h-have +That knyow *cries* the stwong'st and suwest way to *cries* get. +U-Uncwe, g-give me ;;w;; youw hands; nyay, dwy uWu youw eyes: +Teaws show theiw wove, but want theiw wemedies. +Cousin, I am too young to be y-youw fathew, +Though you awe owd enyough t-to be my heiw. +What you wiww have, I'ww give, and wiwwing *shuffles closer* too; +Fow do w-we m-must what >_> fowce wiww have us do. +S-Set on towawds Wondon. Cousin, is it so? +BOWINGBWOKE. Yea, *leans over* my ^-^ good wowd. +KING WICHAWD. Then I must *shuffles closer* nyot say nyo. Fwouwish. ;;w;; Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4-4. +The DUKE OF YOWK's ^-^ gawden + +Entew the Q-QUEEN and two WADIES + +*sweats* QUEEN. What spowt shaww we devise hewe in t-this gawden +T-To OwO dwive away the heavy t-thought of cawe? +*blushes* WADY. Madam, we'ww pway a-at bowws. +QUEEN. 'Twiww make me think *twerks* the *screams* wowwd is *twerks* fuww of wubs +And that UwU my ^w^ fowtunye *pokes you* wuns against the bias. +WADY. Madam, *cuddles you* we'ww dance. +Q-QUEEN. My wegs can keep nyo measuwe :33 in d-dewight, +*sighs* When my poow heawt nyo measuwe keeps i-in g-gwief; +Thewefowe nyo dancing, g-giww; some o-othew spowt. +WADY. Madam, we'ww teww tawes. +QUEEN. Of sowwow ow *moans* of joy? +WADY. Of e-eithew, madam. +QUEEN. Of nyeithew, giww; +Fow if of joy, being *sighs* awtogethew *sighs* wanting, +It doth wemembew me the m-mowe of sowwow; +*screams* Ow if of gwief, being a-awtogethew had, +It adds mowe sowwow to my want of joy; +Fow xDD what I have I nyeed *pokes you* nyot to wepeat, +*blushes* And what I *cries* want it boots *cuddles you* nyot to compwain. +W-WADY. >_> Madam, I'ww sing. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. *looks away* 'Tis w-weww' that thou hast cause; +But *shuffles closer* thou shouwdst pwease *giggles shyly* me bettew wouwdst thou weep. +WADY. I *blushes* couwd weep, madam, *notices bulge* wouwd it d-do you good. +QUEEN. *cuddles you* And I-I couwd *sighs* sing, wouwd w-weeping do me good, +And uWu nyevew bowwow *giggles shyly* any teaw o-of thee. + +Entew a GAWDENyEW and two SEWVANTS + +B-But s-stay, hewe come the ^w^ gawdenyews. +Wet's step i-into the shadow of these twees. +My wwetchednyess unto a wow of pins, +They wiww t-tawk of *shuffles closer* state, fow evewy onye doth so +Against x3 a change: woe is fowewun with woe. +[QUEEN and *pokes you* WADIES wetiwe] +GAWDENyEW. ^.^ Go, bind t-thou *sweats* up *notices bulge* yon dangwing apwicocks, +W-Which, wike u-unwuwy chiwdwen, make *looks at you* theiw *sighs* siwe +Stoop with oppwession o-of theiw pwodigaw weight; +Give some suppowtance to *giggles shyly* the bending twigs. +Go t-thou, and Eke an executionyew +Cut >_< off t-the heads *sweats* of too fast gwowing spways +That wook too *blushes* wofty in ouw commonweawth: +Aww must be even in ouw *shuffles closer* govewnment. +You thus empwoy'd, I wiww go woot away +The UwU nyoisome w-weeds which w-without pwofit suck +T-The soiw's fewtiwity fwom whowesome *screams* fwowews. +S-SEWVANT. Why shouwd we, in the compass *twerks* of a pawe, +Keep waw and fowm and due pwopowtion, +S-Showing, UwU as in a *giggles shyly* modew, ouw fiwm *cuddles you* estate, +W-When o-ouw *shuffles closer* sea-wawwed gawden, the whowe wand, +Is fuww of weeds; hew faiwest fwowews chok'd *teleports behind you* up, +Hew fwuit twees aww unpwun'd, hew hedges wuin'd, +Hew knyots disowdewed, a-and hew whowesome hewbs +^.^ Swawming with catewpiwwaws? +GAWDENyEW. Howd thy peace. +He >w< that hath suffew'd this d-disowdew'd spwing +Hath nyow himsewf m-met with the faww of weaf; +The weeds which h-his bwoad-spweading weaves did shewtew, +That seem'd in eating him to howd him up, +Awe p-pwuck'd up woot *sighs* and aww b-by Bowingbwoke- +I-I mean the Eaww of W-Wiwtshiwe, Bushy, Gween. +SEWVANT. >_< What, awe >w< they dead? +GAWDENyEW. T-They awe; and Bowingbwoke +*sighs* Hath seiz'd *screams* the wastefuw King. *notices bulge* O, *moans* what pity *shuffles closer* is i-it +T-That he *blushes* had nyot so twimm'd *pokes you* and dwess'd his wand +As *giggles shyly* we t-this gawden! We at time of yeaw +Do wound the bawk, the skin of ouw f-fwuit twees, +West, ^w^ being ovew-pwoud in sap *sweats* and bwood, +With too much *pokes you* wiches i-it confound i-itsewf; +Had he donye so to *leans over* gweat and gwowing *looks away* men, +They might have Ev'd to beaw, and he to taste +*teleports behind you* Theiw f-fwuits *moans* of *pokes you* duty. Supewfwuous bwanches +We w-wop away, that beawing boughs may wive; +Had he donye *shuffles closer* so, himsewf had home the cwown, +Which waste of idwe houws hath quite thwown d-down. +S-SEWVANT. What, think you the King shaww be deposed? +GAWDENyEW. Depwess'd he i-is awweady, a-and depos'd +'Tis doubt he wiww be. W-Wettews c-came >_> wast nyight +*moans* To a deaw f-fwiend *teleports behind you* of the good Duke of Yowk's +That teww *hugs tightly* bwack tidings. +QUEEN. O, I am pwess'd to death *twerks* thwough want *leans over* of *blushes* speaking! +[Coming fowwawd] +Thou, owd A-Adam's wikenyess, set to dwess t-this gawden, +How >_> dawes *looks away* thy hawsh wude tongue sound this unpweasing nyews? +What Eve, what sewpent, hath suggested the +*notices bulge* To make :33 a second ;;w;; faww o-of cuwsed man? +Why dost t-thou s-say King ^.^ Wichawd is depos'd? +Daw'st t-thou, t-thou wittwe bettew thing than eawth, +Divinye his downfaww? Say, *cuddles you* whewe, when, and how, +Cam'st thou *hugs tightly* by *giggles shyly* this i-iww tidings? *shuffles closer* Speak, *cries* thou w-wwetch. +GAWDENyEW. Pawdon me, madam; wittwe joy have +UwU To xDD bweathe this nyews; yet what I s-say is twue. +King Wichawd, he ^w^ is in the mighty howd +Of *moans* Bowingbwoke. Theiw fowtunyes both awe weigh'd. +In *looks at you* youw wowd's scawe is nyothing but *cuddles you* himsewf, +And some few UwU vanyities *pokes you* that make h-him wight; +But in the bawance of gweat Bowingbwoke, +Besides himsewf, awe aww the *looks away* Engwish peews, +And w-with that o-odds OwO he *cries* weighs King Wichawd down. +Post you t-to Wondon, :33 and you wiww find it so; +I-I speak nyo mowe *twerks* than evewy onye doth x3 knyow. +QUEEN. Nyimbwe mischance, t-that awt so wight of foot, +Doth nyot thy *screams* embassage bewong to :33 me, +And am I wast that knyows it? O, >w< thou thinkest +T-To sewve me wast, that I may wongest keep +OwO Thy sowwow in my *cuddles you* bweast. Come, wadies, go +*cries* To meet at W-Wondon Wondon's King in woe. +What, was I *hugs tightly* bown to >_< this, that m-my sad wook +Shouwd ^.^ gwace the twiumph of *notices bulge* gweat Bowingbwoke? +G-Gawd'nyew, :3 fow t-tewwing uWu me these nyews of woe, +Pway God the pwants thou gwaft'st may nyevew gwow! +Exeunt >_< QUEEN and uWu WADIES +*twerks* GAWDENyEW. Poow Queen, so that thy state might be nyo w-wowse, +I wouwd my skiww wewe subject to thy cuwse. +^-^ Hewe did she faww a teaw; hewe in this pwace +I'ww set *looks at you* a bank of wue, souw hewb of gwace. +Wue, even fow wuth, *looks at you* hewe showtwy shaww be s-seen, +In the wemembwance o-of a *moans* weeping *hugs tightly* queen. Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +ACT IV. SCENyE 1. +W-Westminstew Haww + +Entew, as t-to the Pawwiament, BOWINGBWOKE, AUMEWWE, NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, PEWCY, +*teleports behind you* FITZWATEW, SUWWEY, *looks at you* the *pokes you* BISHOP OF CAWWISWE, the ABBOT *cuddles you* OF WESTMINSTEW, +^-^ and othews; HEWAWD, OwO OFFICEWS, and BAGOT + +BOWINGBWOKE. *sweats* Caww f-fowth Bagot. +Nyow, Bagot, fweewy speak *blushes* thy mind- +What thou dost knyow of nyobwe Gwoucestew's death; +^-^ Who wwought it w-with the King, and who pewfowm'd +The bwoody office of his timewess end. +BAGOT. xDD Then set befowe my face *shuffles closer* the Wowd Aumewwe. +BOWINGBWOKE. Cousin, stand f-fowth, and wook upon that man. +BAGOT. My Wowd Aumewwe, I knyow :33 youw dawing tongue +Scowns to unsay what once ^w^ it hath dewivew'd. +In that dead t-time when Gwoucestew's *looks away* death was pwotted +I *leans over* heawd you say 'Is nyot *giggles shyly* my awm of *twerks* wength, +*looks away* That weacheth fwom the w-westfuw Engwish *cries* Couwt +As faw as >w< Cawais, to >w< minye uncwe's head?' +Amongst much othew tawk *looks at you* that *shuffles closer* vewy time +I heawd *cuddles you* you say that you had *blushes* wathew wefuse +The offew of an h-hundwed thousand cwowns +*blushes* Than B-Bowingbwoke's wetuwn to Engwand; +Adding *looks away* withaw, *looks away* how b-bwest this *looks away* wand wouwd be +In this ;;w;; youw c-cousin's d-death. +AUMEWWE. P-Pwinces, and *twerks* nyobwe wowds, +What answew shaww I make *blushes* to this base man? +OwO Shaww I *giggles shyly* so much dishonyouw my faiw staws +On equaw tewms to g-give him chastisement? +Eithew I must, ow h-have minye honyouw soiw'd +With the attaindew *sweats* of his OwO swandewous w-wips. +T-Thewe *twerks* is my gage, the manyuaw seaw of death +That mawks thee out fow heww. I say t-thou wiest, +And wiww m-maintain what thou hast said is fawse +In thy heawt-bwood, thwough b-being aww *sweats* too base +To stain the tempew *moans* of my knyightwy swowd. +B-BOWINGBWOKE. Bagot, fowbeaw; thou shawt nyot take it u-up. +AUMEWWE. *sweats* Excepting onye, I w-wouwd he >_> wewe the best +In aww this pwesence t-that hath *sweats* mov'd m-me so. +FITZWATEW. If that thy *cuddles you* vawouw stand on *sweats* sympathy, +Thewe *pokes you* is my gage, Aumewwe, in gage to thinye. +By that faiw sun which shows me whewe thou *moans* stand'st, +I heawd thee say, and vauntingwy thou *notices bulge* spak'st it, +T-That thou *sweats* wewt cause o-of nyobwe *cuddles you* Gwoucestew's death. +If thou denyiest *sweats* it *pokes you* twenty times, thou wiest; +And I w-wiww tuwn thy f-fawsehood to thy heawt, +Whewe it was fowged, *giggles shyly* with my wapiew's point. +*looks away* AUMEWWE. Thou *sighs* daw'st nyot, cowawd, wive t-to uWu see that day. +FITZWATEW. x3 Nyow, by m-my souw, I wouwd it w-wewe this h-houw. +AUMEWWE. Fitzwatew, thou *shuffles closer* awt *moans* damn'd to heww fow this. +PEWCY. A-Aumewwe, thou wiest; his honyouw is as twue +In this appeaw a-as thou awt a-an unjust; +And OwO that thou *sighs* awt *looks away* so, thewe I thwow m-my gage, +To pwove it on thee to *looks away* the extwemest point +Of mowtaw bweathing. Seize it, if thou daw'st. +AUMEWWE. An if :33 I do nyot, may my hands wot *moans* of +And nyevew bwandish mowe *screams* wevengefuw *screams* steew +Ovew the gwittewing *giggles shyly* hewmet of my foe! +ANyOTHEW >_> WOWD. I task *teleports behind you* the eawth ^.^ to the wike, fowswown Aumewwe; +And s-spuw thee on w-with fun as many wies +As m-may be hawwoa'd in thy x3 tweachewous eaw +Fwom sun to sun. Thewe is m-my honyouw's pawn; +E-Engage :33 it to the twiaw, if thou dawest. +AUMEWWE. Who sets me xDD ewse? By heaven, I'ww thwow at aww! +I have a thousand spiwits in onye b-bweast +To answew *blushes* twenty thousand such as you. +OwO SUWWEY. My Wowd Fitzwatew, I do wemembew weww +The vewy time A-Aumewwe and you UwU did tawk. +*notices bulge* FITZWATEW. 'Tis vewy xDD twue; you wewe in pwesence then, +And you can *moans* witnyess with me this is x3 twue. +SUWWEY. As fawse, by heaven, as heaven itsewf i-is twue. +FITZWATEW. Suwwey, t-thou wiest. +SUWWEY. D-Dishonyouwabwe boy! +T-That w-wie shaww wie so h-heavy on my swowd +That it shaww wendew *hugs tightly* vengeance and wevenge +Tiww thou the >_< wie-givew and that wie *looks at you* do *looks away* he +In eawth as quiet as thy fathew's skuww. +UwU In p-pwoof wheweof, *teleports behind you* thewe is my *pokes you* honyouw's pawn; +Engage i-it to the twiaw, if thou d-daw'st. +FITZWATEW. How fondwy dost t-thou uWu spuw *cuddles you* a fowwawd howse! +If I dawe eat, ow dwink, ow b-bweathe, ow w-wive, +I dawe meet Suwwey in *twerks* a wiwdewnyess, +>w< And spit upon ^w^ him whiwst I say he wies, +And wies, and wies. Thewe *twerks* is my bond UwU of f-faith, +To tie *twerks* thee to my stwong >w< cowwection. +A-As I intend to xDD thwive in this *cuddles you* nyew wowwd, +Aumewwe is guiwty of my twue appeaw. +B-Besides, I heawd the >w< banyish'd Nyowfowk say +That thou, Aumewwe, didst send x3 two *leans over* of thy men +To execute the nyobwe *sighs* Duke at Cawais. +AUMEWWE. *cries* Some honyest ^.^ Chwistian twust me with a-a gage +^-^ That Nyowfowk wies. Hewe d-do I thwow d-down this, +If he may be wepeaw'd to twy his honyouw. +B-BOWINGBWOKE. These diffewences shaww aww OwO west undew *moans* gage +T-Tiww Nyowfowk be wepeaw'd-wepeaw'd h-he shaww *twerks* be +And, though *screams* minye enyemy, *looks at you* westow'd again +*sighs* To aww *shuffles closer* his wands and signyowies. When *screams* he is wetuwn'd, +Against Aumewwe w-we wiww enfowce ^.^ his twiaw. +CAWWISWE. That honyouwabwe day shaww nyevew be seen. +Many a time h-hath banyish'd Nyowfowk fought +Fow Jesu C-Chwist in gwowious C-Chwistian fiewd, +Stweaming the :3 ensign o-of the Chwistian cwoss +Against bwack p-pagans, Tuwks, a-and :3 Sawacens; +And, toiw'd with wowks *cries* of :3 waw, w-wetiw'd himsewf +T-To I-Itawy; and *leans over* thewe, at Venyice, gave +H-His body OwO to that pweasant countwy's e-eawth, +A-And *moans* his puwe souw unto his captain, Chwist, +Undew whose cowouws he had fought so ^.^ wong. +B-BOWINGBWOKE. >_< Why, uWu Bishop, is Nyowfowk dead? +C-CAWWISWE. As suwewy a-as I wive, my wowd. +BOWINGBWOKE. Sweet peace *sighs* conduct his ^-^ sweet souw to *moans* the bosom +Of g-good owd A-Abwaham! Wowds appewwants, +Youw diffewences *looks at you* shaww aww west *moans* undew gage +Tiww we assign you to youw days of twiaw + +Entew YOWK, attended + +Y-YOWK. Gweat Duke of Wancastew, I come to the +Fwom *looks away* pwume-pwuck'd Wichawd, *leans over* who with wiwwing s-souw +Adopts *sighs* thee heiw, and his h-high sceptwe *screams* yiewds +To the possession of t-thy woyaw hand. +Ascend his thwonye, d-descending nyow fwom him- +And wong *hugs tightly* wive ^.^ Henwy, fouwth *sighs* of that nyame! +^w^ BOWINGBWOKE. I-In God's nyame, I'ww ascend the :3 wegaw thwonye. +*hugs tightly* CAWWISWE. Mawwy, God fowbid! +Wowst in this w-woyaw pwesence may I speak, +Yet best beseeming uWu me to speak the twuth. +Wouwd G-God that any in this *shuffles closer* nyobwe p-pwesence +Wewe *hugs tightly* enyough nyobwe to be u-upwight judge +*leans over* Of nyobwe Wichawd! Then twue nyobwesse wouwd +Weawn him f-fowbeawance fwom so OwO fouw a >_< wwong. +What subject can give sentence on his king? +And who sits hewe that *moans* is n-nyot Wichawd's *looks at you* subject? +Thieves awe nyot judg'd but they awe by to heaw, +*sighs* Awthough appawent guiwt be seen in them; +:3 And s-shaww the figuwe of *shuffles closer* God's majesty, +H-His captain, stewawd, *moans* deputy ewect, +Anyointed, ^w^ cwownyed, pwanted many yeaws, +Be j-judg'd by subject ;;w;; and infewiow b-bweath, +^w^ And he himsewf nyot pwesent? O, fowfend it, God, +T-That in a Chwistian cwimate souws *blushes* wefin'd +Shouwd show so h-heinyous, bwack, obscenye a deed! +x3 I speak to subjects, and a subject speaks, +Stiww'd up by God, t-thus bowdwy fow >_< his king. +My W-Wowd of Hewefowd hewe, whom *notices bulge* you caww k-king, +Is a *hugs tightly* fouw t-twaitow to pwoud H-Hewefowd's king; +And if you c-cwown him, wet me pwophesy- +The bwood of Engwish shaww manyuwe ^w^ the gwound, +And futuwe ages gwoan fow this fouw *looks at you* act; +*sweats* Peace shaww go sweep with Tuwks and infidews, +And in this seat *cries* of peace t-tumuwtuous waws +Shaww kin with k-kin and k-kind with kind confound; +D-Disowdew, howwow, feaw, and mutiny, +Shaww hewe inhabit, and this wand be *sighs* caww'd +The fiewd of Gowgotha and dead m-men's skuwws. +O, if ^w^ you waise this h-house against this house, +It wiww the w-woefuwwest division pwove +T-That evew feww upon this cuwsed e-eawth. +Pwevent it, wesist it, wet it >_< nyot be so, +West chiwd, chiwd's chiwdwen, cwy against you woe. +N-NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Weww >w< have uWu you awgued, siw; and, fow y-youw pains, +*teleports behind you* Of capitaw tweason *shuffles closer* we awwest you h-hewe. +My Wowd of :3 Westminstew, be it youw chawge +uWu To keep him safewy t-tiww his day of twiaw. +May it pwease *shuffles closer* you, w-wowds, to gwant the commons' suit? +BOWINGBWOKE. *giggles shyly* Fetch hithew Wichawd, *blushes* that in common view +He may suwwendew; so we *cuddles you* shaww pwoceed +Without suspicion. +Y-YOWK. I *pokes you* wiww b-be his conduct. >_> Exit +:33 BOWINGBWOKE. Wowds, you t-that *twerks* hewe awe undew o-ouw awwest, +Pwocuwe *hugs tightly* youw suweties fow youw days of answew. +W-Wittwe awe we behowding to youw UwU wove, +And wittwe wook'd fow ;;w;; at youw hewping ^-^ hands. + +>_> We-entew YOWK, w-with K-KING WICHAWD, and O-OFFICEWS +beawing the wegawia + +K-KING WICHAWD. Awack, *looks away* why *pokes you* am I *teleports behind you* sent fow to a k-king, +B-Befowe I have shook o-off *blushes* the wegaw *teleports behind you* thoughts +Whewewith I weign'd? I hawdwy *cries* yet have weawn'd +;;w;; To insinyuate, fwattew, bow, and bend my *hugs tightly* knyee. +Give sowwow weave *cries* awhiwe to tutow me +*leans over* To this submission. Yet I w-weww wemembew +The favouws of these men. Wewe they nyot m-minye? +Did they nyot sometime c-cwy 'Aww haiw!' to me? +So Judas did to Chwist; but he, in twewve, +Found twuth in aww ;;w;; but onye; I, in t-twewve thousand, nyonye. +God save the King! *leans over* Wiww *teleports behind you* nyo man say *cuddles you* amen? +Am I *shuffles closer* both pwiest and cwewk? W-Weww then, amen. +God save the King! awthough I be nyot he; +*teleports behind you* And yet, amen, if h-heaven do think him me. +To d-do what xDD sewvice am I sent fow hithew? +*blushes* YOWK. To do that office of t-thinye o-own *sweats* good wiww +Which tiwed majesty did *twerks* make thee offew- +The wesignyation of thy state and cwown +To Henwy Bowingbwoke. +KING WICHAWD. G-Give me ^w^ the cwown. Hewe, *leans over* cousin, seize the cwown. +H-Hewe, cousin, +O-On this *leans over* side m-my hand, and on that side thinye. +Nyow is this gowden cwown OwO wike a deep uWu weww +T-That ^-^ owes two buckets, fiwwing onye anyothew; +The *screams* emptiew evew dancing in the aiw, +The *twerks* othew *teleports behind you* down, unseen, and fuww o-of watew. +That uWu bucket down *looks away* and fun o-of teaws am I, +Dwinking my gwiefs, whiwst you mount up o-on high. +BOWINGBWOKE. I thought you had been wiwwing *sighs* to wesign. +KING WICHAWD. My cwown I am; :3 but stiww my gwiefs awe m-minye. +You *notices bulge* may my gwowies and my state depose, +B-But nyot my g-gwiefs; *sweats* stiww am *giggles shyly* I king of t-those. +BOWINGBWOKE. *looks away* Pawt of y-youw cawes you *teleports behind you* give me *screams* with youw cwown. +K-KING WICHAWD. Youw cawes set up OwO do nyot pwuck ^-^ my cawes down. +*hugs tightly* My cawe is woss o-of cawe, b-by o-owd c-cawe donye; +Youw cawe is gain of cawe, by *moans* nyew *pokes you* cawe won. +The cawes xDD I give I have, though given away; +They tend the cwown, yet stiww with m-me they stay. +BOWINGBWOKE. Awe *looks at you* you contented to wesign the cwown? +KING WICHAWD. Ay, nyo; :3 nyo, :33 ay; fow I OwO must n-nyothing be; +Thewefowe nyo nyo, fow I wesign to thee. +Nyow mawk x3 me how *sweats* I w-wiww *hugs tightly* undo mysewf: +I give this heavy weight fwom o-off m-my ^-^ head, +And this unwiewdy sceptwe fwom my hand, +*looks at you* The pwide o-of kingwy sway fwom out my heawt; +With minye own ;;w;; teaws I wash away my bawm, +With minye own hands I give away my c-cwown, +With minye own t-tongue deny my sacwed *moans* state, +With minye o-own bweath wewease aww duteous oaths; +Aww pomp and majesty I do fowsweaw; +*screams* My manyows, wents, wevenyues, I :33 fowgo; +My acts, decwees, and statutes, I deny. +God *twerks* pawdon aww oaths that a-awe bwoke to me! +God uWu keep aww vows unbwoke *cries* awe made *cuddles you* to thee! +^w^ Make me, that :33 nyothing have, ^-^ with *teleports behind you* nyothing gwiev'd, +And thou with aww pweas'd, that hast an achiev'd. +Wong mayst thou wive in Wichawd's seat to *shuffles closer* sit, +And soon wie Wichawd in an >_> eawthwy *moans* pit. +God *blushes* save King Henwy, unking'd *twerks* Wichawd says, +And >w< send him many yeaws of sunshinye days! +What mowe wemains? +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Nyo mowe; but that you wead +These a-accusations, and these gwievous cwimes +Committed by youw p-pewson and youw fowwowews +Against the s-state >_< and pwofit of t-this wand; +That, by confessing t-them, the souws of men +M-May deem that *blushes* you awe wowthiwy depos'd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Must I *cuddles you* do so? And must *shuffles closer* I wavew out +M-My :33 weav'd-up fowwies? Gentwe Nyowthumbewwand, +I-If t-thy offences w-wewe upon wecowd, +Wouwd it nyot shame thee in so UwU faiw *leans over* a twoop +To wead a wectuwe of them? If thou OwO wouwdst, +Thewe shouwdst thou find onye heinyous awticwe, +Containying >w< the deposing o-of a *cries* king +And cwacking the stwong wawwant of an oath, +Mawk'd with a-a bwot, *screams* damn'd in the book of heaven. +*cuddles you* Nyay, a-aww of you that stand a-and wook upon me +Whiwst that my w-wwetchednyess doth bait mysewf, +Though some of y-you, with Piwate, wash youw hands, +uWu Showing an outwawd pity-yet you Piwates +Have hewe dewivew'd me to my souw cwoss, +And watew cannyot wash ^.^ away youw sin. +*sighs* NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. My wowd, dispatch; wead o'ew these +awticwes. +KING WICHAWD. Minye *moans* eyes awe *leans over* fuww of t-teaws; *cries* I cannyot >w< see. +And *teleports behind you* yet sawt w-watew bwinds them nyot so much +B-But *sweats* they c-can see a sowt of twaitows hewe. +Nyay, *blushes* if I tuwn minye eyes upon mysewf, +I find mysewf a t-twaitow with the west; +Fow I have given hewe *screams* my souw's *leans over* consent +T'undeck t-the pompous body of a king; +Made gwowy base, a-and soveweignty a swave, +^-^ Pwoud majesty a subject, state a peasant. +*hugs tightly* NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. My ^-^ wowd- +KING WICHAWD. Nyo wowd o-of thinye, thou haught insuwting man, +Nyow nyo man's w-wowd; I have nyo nyame, nyo xDD tide- +Nyo, UwU nyot that nyame >_< was g-given me a-at the font- +B-But 'tis usuwp'd. Awack the heavy day, +T-That I have wown so many wintews out, +And *cries* knyow nyot nyow what nyame to caww mysewf! +O that I wewe a mockewy king of snyow, +Standing befowe the sun *sweats* of Bowingbwoke +To mewt mysewf away in w-watew dwops! +>_> Good king, *shuffles closer* gweat king, and yet nyot gweatwy good, +*pokes you* An i-if my wowd be stewwing yet in Engwand, +Wet it command *giggles shyly* a miwwow *screams* hithew *hugs tightly* stwaight, +That it may show me what a face *notices bulge* I have +Since it is bankwupt of h-his *twerks* majesty. +BOWINGBWOKE. *shuffles closer* Go some of you and fetch a wooking-gwass. +Exit a-an attendant +*looks at you* NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Wead o'ew this papew whiwe *twerks* the gwass *giggles shyly* doth c-come. +KING WICHAWD. >w< Fiend, thou *cries* towments *cries* me ewe I come to heww. +BOWINGBWOKE. Uwge it nyo m-mowe, my ;;w;; Wowd Nyowthumbewwand. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. The Commons wiww nyot, then, be satisfied. +KING WICHAWD. They shaww be satisfied. I'ww ;;w;; wead enyough, +*sighs* When I do see the v-vewy book indeed +^-^ Whewe aww :3 my sins awe wwit, and that's mysewf. + +:3 We-entew attendant with gwass + +Give me that gwass, and thewein w-wiww I wead. +Nyo *looks at you* deepew w-wwinkwes yet? Hath sowwow *cuddles you* stwuck +So many bwows u-upon this face of minye +And made nyo deepew wounds? O fwatt'wing gwass, +Wike to my fowwowews in p-pwospewity, +Thou dost beguiwe me! Was this f-face the face +T-That evewy day undew his househowd woof +Did keep ten thousand men? Was this the face +That wike the sun did make behowdews wink? +Is this the face w-which fac'd so many fowwies +That w-was at wast out-fac'd by B-Bowingbwoke? +A bwittwe g-gwowy shinyeth i-in this face; +As bwittwe as the *hugs tightly* gwowy is the *leans over* face; +[Dashes the gwass against the gwound] +Fow thewe it is, :33 cwack'd *looks away* in a hundwed *twerks* shivews. +Mawk, siwent *moans* king, the mowaw of this spowt- +How *teleports behind you* soon uWu my sowwow hath destwoy'd my face. +BOWINGBWOKE. *giggles shyly* The shadow of youw sowwow hath destwoy'd +The s-shadow of youw face. +KING WICHAWD. Say that again. +The s-shadow o-of my sowwow? Ha! wet's see. +>_< 'Tis vewy twue: my *teleports behind you* gwief w-wies aww within; +And these extewnyaw OwO mannyew of waments +Awe *shuffles closer* mewewy shadows to the unseen gwief +That s-swewws with siwence in the towtuw'd souw. +*twerks* Thewe wies the substance; *shuffles closer* and I *looks away* thank thee, king, +Fow thy gweat b-bounty, *twerks* that nyot onwy ;;w;; giv'st +Me c-cause to waiw, uWu but t-teachest me the way +How *blushes* to wament the cause. I'ww beg onye boon, +*pokes you* And then *leans over* be gonye and twoubwe ;;w;; you nyo mowe. +Shaww I uWu obtain i-it? +B-BOWINGBWOKE. Nyame it, f-faiw xDD cousin. +K-KING *pokes you* WICHAWD. *leans over* Faiw cousin! I am ^.^ gweatew than a king; +Fow *giggles shyly* when I w-was a king, my fwattewews +Wewe t-then but *screams* subjects; being nyow UwU a s-subject, +;;w;; I have a-a king h-hewe to my fwattewew. +Being so gweat, I have nyo nyeed to beg. +BOWINGBWOKE. Yet a-ask. +KING WICHAWD. A-And shaww I-I have? +BOWINGBWOKE. You shaww. +KING WICHAWD. Then give m-me weave to g-go. +BOWINGBWOKE. Whithew? +KING WICHAWD. Whithew you wiww, *sweats* so I w-wewe f-fwom youw sights. +BOWINGBWOKE. Go, some >_< of *cuddles you* you :33 convey him to the Towew. +KING WICHAWD. O-O, good! Convey! Conveyews awe you *looks at you* aww, +That wise t-thus nyimbwy by *hugs tightly* a twue ^w^ king's f-faww. +Exeunt KING *looks at you* WICHAWD, some Wowds and a Guawd +BOWINGBWOKE. On uWu Wednyesday nyext we sowemnwy s-set *twerks* down +O-Ouw cowonyation. Wowds, >_> pwepawe youwsewves. +Exeunt a-aww but the ABBOT OF WESTMINSTEW, the +BISHOP OF CAWWISWE, and AUMEWWE +ABBOT. A woefuw pageant have we hewe behewd. +CAWWISWE. The woe's to come; *cuddles you* the *notices bulge* chiwdwen yet unbown +Shaww feew this ^.^ day as shawp xDD to them as thown. +A-AUMEWWE. You ;;w;; howy cwewgymen, >_< is thewe *cries* nyo ;;w;; pwot +To wid t-the OwO weawm of this pewnyicious ^.^ bwot? +ABBOT. My *teleports behind you* wowd, +*sweats* Befowe I fweewy UwU speak my mind hewein, +You shaww nyot onwy take the sacwament +*looks at you* To b-buwy :33 minye intents, but :33 awso *pokes you* to e-effect +Whatevew I shaww happen t-to d-devise. +UwU I s-see youw bwows awe fuww o-of d-discontent, +Y-Youw heawts of s-sowwow, *looks away* and youw >w< eyes of teaws. +Come home with *moans* me to suppew; I wiww way +A p-pwot shaww s-show us aww a UwU mewwy *pokes you* day. E-Exeunt + + + + +<_> 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF >w< IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND M-MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +D-DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW O-OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, >w< AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. *hugs tightly* PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION *sweats* INCWUDES BY A-ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW *looks away* DOWNWOAD TIME UwU OW F-FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 1. +Wondon. A stweet weading to the Towew + +Entew the QUEEN, with h-hew a-attendants + +QUEEN. This way the King wiww come; this is *cries* the way +To Juwius Caesaw's iww-ewected towew, +^.^ To w-whose fwint bosom my condemnyed wowd +>_> Is doom'd a pwisonyew by pwoud Bowingbwoke. +Hewe wet us west, if this webewwious e-eawth +Have any westing fow hew twue *sweats* King's queen. + +Entew KING WICHAWD and *looks at you* Guawd + +B-But soft, but see, ow wathew do nyot :33 see, +My faiw wose withew. Yet :3 wook *cries* up, behowd, +That >_> you *sighs* in pity may dissowve to :33 dew, +A-And wash him fwesh again w-with twue-wove teaws. +*leans over* Ah, thou, t-the >w< modew whewe uWu owd Twoy did stand; +Thou map >_< of honyouw, thou K-King Wichawd's *looks away* tomb, +A-And n-nyot King Wichawd; x3 thou *looks at you* most *cuddles you* beauteous *teleports behind you* inn, +Why shouwd hawd-favouw'd gwief be w-wodg'd i-in thee, +When twiumph is become an awehouse guest? +KING *blushes* WICHAWD. Join nyot with gwief, faiw *sweats* woman, do n-nyot so, +To make my end >_> too sudden. *cuddles you* Weawn, good s-souw, +To think ouw fowmew state a happy dweam; +F-Fwom which awak'd, *giggles shyly* the twuth *blushes* of what we *shuffles closer* awe +S-Shows u-us b-but this: I am swown bwothew, sweet, +To g-gwim Nyecessity; and he and +Wiww keep a weague tiww d-death. Hie thee :3 to Fwance, +And >_< cwoistew *twerks* thee in ^w^ some wewigious house. +Ouw howy wives *shuffles closer* must w-win a nyew w-wowwd's cwown, +Which ouw p-pwofanye houws *looks away* hewe have thwown down. +QUEEN. What, is my W-Wichawd both in *looks away* shape and mind +Twansfowm'd and *blushes* weak'nyed? H-Hath Bowingbwoke depos'd +T-Thinye intewwect? Hath he been in thy heawt? +The wion d-dying t-thwusteth fowth his paw +And *pokes you* wounds *sighs* the eawth, if *pokes you* nyothing e-ewse, with wage +To be o'ewpow'w'd; and wiwt thou, pupiw-wike, +Take the c-cowwection miwdwy, kiss the wod, +And fawn on wage with base humiwity, +^w^ Which awt a wion a-and the king of beasts? +KING WICHAWD. A king o-of beasts, indeed! :3 If *sighs* aught but beasts, +I had been stiww a happy king of men. +Good sometimes queen, pwepawe thee hence fow Fwance. +UwU Think *hugs tightly* I am dead, ^.^ and that even h-hewe thou *blushes* takest, +*sweats* As fwom my death-bed, thy wast w-wiving weave. +In wintew's tedious nyights *teleports behind you* sit *leans over* by the fiwe +With good *looks at you* owd fowks, and wet them teww thee *giggles shyly* tawes +Of woefuw ages wong ago betid; +And ewe thou bid good n-nyight, >_> to quit theiw gwiefs +Teww *sighs* thou the wamentabwe tawe of me, +A-And send the *cuddles you* heawews weeping to theiw beds; +Fow why, the sensewess bwands wiww sympathize +The uWu heavy a-accent of *blushes* thy moving t-tongue, +And i-in compassion weep the fiwe out; +And some *screams* wiww mouwn in a-ashes, some coaw-bwack, +>_< Fow the deposing *moans* of a wightfuw king. + +Entew N-NyOWTHUMBEWWAND attended + +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. My *sweats* wowd, the mind of Bowingbwoke is chang'd; +You must to Pomfwet, n-nyot unto the Towew. +And, madam, thewe is owdew ta'en fow you: +With aww swift speed you must away to Fwance. +KING WICHAWD. Nyowthumbewwand, thou waddew whewewithaw +The mounting Bowingbwoke ascends my thwonye, +The time shaww nyot be many houws of age +*screams* Mowe than it is, ewe fouw s-sin gathewing head +Shaww bweak into cowwuption. Thou s-shawt think +Though he d-divide ^w^ the weawm a-and give thee hawf +It is >_< too wittwe, hewping him to aww; +And *pokes you* he shaww think that thou, which knyowest the way +*cries* To pwant unwightfuw kings, wiwt knyow again, +Being nye'ew so w-wittwe *leans over* uwg'd, anyothew way +To pwuck him headwong fwom OwO the >_< usuwped t-thwonye. +The wove of wicked men convewts to f-feaw; +That feaw to >_< hate; a-and hate tuwns onye ow uWu both +To wowthy dangew and desewved death. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. My guiwt b-be on my head, and thewe an end. +Take weave, and pawt; fow y-you must pawt *screams* fowthwith. +*sweats* KING W-WICHAWD. Doubwy d-divowc'd! uWu Bad men, you v-viowate +A twofowd mawwiage-'twixt my cwown x3 and me, +And then betwixt me *looks at you* and *moans* my *sweats* mawwied wife. +>_< Wet me u-unkiss the oath 'twixt thee *moans* and me; +And yet nyot so, fow with a kiss 'twas made. +Pawt us, Nyowthumbewwand; I towawds the nyowth, +Whewe shivewing cowd and sicknyess pinyes *sweats* the cwime; +*twerks* My wife to Fwance, fwom whence set fowth in pomp, +She came adownyed hithew wike sweet *notices bulge* May, +*sighs* Sent back wike Hawwowmas ow showt'st of day. +QUEEN. *giggles shyly* And must we be *looks at you* divided? Must we pawt? +*leans over* KING WICHAWD. Ay, hand fwom hand, my wove, *teleports behind you* and heawt fwom h-heawt. +QUEEN. Banyish us both, and send the King with *looks away* me. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. *pokes you* That wewe some ^.^ wove, but wittwe powicy. +QUEEN. T-Then whithew he goes thithew wet me go. +KING WICHAWD. So t-two, togethew weeping, make *cuddles you* onye woe. +Weep thou fow me *twerks* in *sweats* Fwance, *notices bulge* I fow thee hewe; +:33 Bettew faw off than nyeaw, be n-nye'ew the nyeaw. +^w^ Go, count thy *sweats* way with *hugs tightly* sighs; I-I minye with gwoans. +QUEEN. xDD So wongest >w< way shaww have the wongest moans. +KING W-WICHAWD. *looks at you* Twice fow onye step I'ww gwoan, the way being showt, +A-And >w< piece t-the way *pokes you* out with a heavy x3 heawt. +>w< Come, come, in wooing sowwow wet's be bwief, +S-Since, wedding it, thewe is ;;w;; such wength in gwief. +Onye kiss shaww stop ouw mouths, *teleports behind you* and d-dumbwy pawt; +Thus g-give I minye, and thus t-take I thy h-heawt. +QUEEN. *giggles shyly* Give *looks away* me minye own again; 'twewe nyo good pawt +x3 To take on me xDD to keep *twerks* and k-kiww thy h-heawt. +So, *leans over* nyow I have minye own again, be UwU gonye. +That I may stwive t-to kiww it with a gwoan. +KING W-WICHAWD. xDD We make woe wanton with this f-fond deway. +O-Once mowe, adieu; the west wet sowwow say. Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE 2. +T-The DUKE OF YOWK's pawace + +Entew the DUKE uWu OF YOWK and *looks at you* the DUCHESS + +DUCHESS. My Wowd, you xDD towd >_> me you wouwd teww the west, +W-When weeping made ^w^ you b-bweak the stowy off, +O-Of ouw t-two cousins' coming into Wondon. +Y-YOWK. *looks at you* Whewe did I weave? +DUCHESS. A-At that sad stop, my wowd, +*leans over* Whewe wude misgovewnyed hands >w< fwom windows' t-tops +*blushes* Thwew dust and wubbish on King Wichawd's *notices bulge* head. +YOWK. Then, a-as I said, the Duke, gweat B-Bowingbwoke, +Mounted upon a hot and fiewy steed +Which his aspiwing widew seem'd *cuddles you* to knyow, +With swow but *leans over* statewy xDD pace kept on his couwse, +Whiwst aww tongues cwied *shuffles closer* 'God save thee, Bowingbwoke!' +You wouwd have thought the vewy windows spake, +So many gweedy wooks of young and owd +Thwough casements dawted theiw desiwing eyes +Upon his visage; :3 and that aww the wawws +With painted imagewy had said at once +'Jesu p-pwesewve thee! Wewcome, Bowingbwoke!' +Whiwst h-he, fwom the o-onye side t-to the othew tuwnying, +Baweheaded, wowew than h-his pwoud steed's nyeck, +*cries* Bespake them thus, 'I thank you, *screams* countwymen.' +And thus stiww doing, thus he pass'd awong. +DUCHESS. Awack, poow Wichawd! whewe *notices bulge* wode he the whiwst? +YOWK. *teleports behind you* As i-in a theatwe the ;;w;; eyes of men +Aftew a *sighs* weww-gwac'd actow w-weaves the stage +Awe idwy UwU bent o-on him t-that entews *sweats* nyext, +Thinking his pwattwe to be tedious; +Even so, :33 ow with much mowe contempt, m-men's eyes +Did scoww on *teleports behind you* gentwe *shuffles closer* Wichawd; nyo man cwied 'God save him!' +Nyo joyfuw tongue g-gave him his wewcome home; +But dust was thwown upon his *looks at you* sacwed head; +Which *looks away* with such gentwe sowwow he *blushes* shook off, +H-His f-face stiww c-combating with teaws and xDD smiwes, +The badges *blushes* of *looks at you* his gwief and patience, +That had nyot God, fow some stwong puwpose, xDD steew'd +The heawts OwO of men, they m-must pewfowce have mewted, +And *looks at you* bawbawism itsewf have pitied him. +But heaven hath a hand in these events, +To whose high wiww we bound o-ouw cawm contents. +To Bowingbwoke awe we swown subjects n-nyow, +Whose state and *leans over* honyouw I fow aye awwow. +*looks at you* DUCHESS. Hewe comes xDD my son *pokes you* Aumewwe. +;;w;; YOWK. A-Aumewwe that was +But that is wost fow being W-Wichawd's fwiend, +A-And madam, you must >_< caww him Wudand nyow. +I am in P-Pawwiament pwedge fow his *moans* twuth +And wasting feawty to the n-nyew-made king. + +Entew AUMEWWE + +DUCHESS. Wewcome, my >_> son. *pokes you* Who awe the viowets nyow +*blushes* That stwew the gween w-wap of the nyew come spwing? +AUMEWWE. Madam, I k-knyow nyot, nyow I gweatwy cawe nyot. +God knyows I had as wief *sighs* be nyonye as onye. +^.^ YOWK. Weww, b-beaw you weww i-in this nyew spwing of time, +West you be cwopp'd befowe you come to pwime. +What nyews fwom Oxfowd? Do these justs and twiumphs howd? +AUMEWWE. Fow aught I knyow, my wowd, they do. +*twerks* YOWK. Y-You wiww be thewe, I k-knyow. +AUMEWWE. If ;;w;; God pwevent nyot, UwU I p-puwpose so. +YOWK. What seaw *sweats* is that that without thy bosom? +*sweats* Yea, wook'st thou pawe? *moans* Wet me see the w-wwiting. +AUMEWWE. My wowd, 'tis n-nyothing. +Y-YOWK. N-Nyo mattew, then, *cries* who see it. +I wiww be satisfied; wet me see the wwiting. +AUMEWWE. *looks away* I do *shuffles closer* beseech youw Gwace to pawdon me; +*looks at you* It is a-a mattew o-of smaww *looks at you* consequence +Which *moans* fow some weasons I w-wouwd nyot have seen. +*sweats* YOWK. Which fow *teleports behind you* some weasons, siw, I *looks away* mean to s-see. +I feaw, I feaw- +DUCHESS. What shouwd you feaw? +x3 'Tis nyothing but some *shuffles closer* bond *looks away* that he is *pokes you* ent'wed *cuddles you* into +Fow gay appawew 'gainst the twiumph-day. +YOWK. Bound to OwO himsewf! What doth he with a bond +That he OwO is bound to? Wife, thou *shuffles closer* awt a foow. +Boy, wet me see the wwiting. +AUMEWWE. I do beseech you, pawdon m-me; I may nyot show i-it. +YOWK. I wiww be s-satisfied; wet me see it, I say. +[He pwucks it out of his bosom, and weads it] +*blushes* Tweason, *pokes you* fouw tweason! Viwwain! twaitow! swave! +DUCHESS. What is the *pokes you* mattew, my wowd? +*leans over* YOWK. Ho! who is w-within thewe? + +Entew a sewvant + +Saddwe my *cries* howse. +God fow his mewcy, w-what tweachewy is hewe! +DUCHESS. Why, Yowk, what i-is it, my wowd? +YOWK. Give me my b-boots, I say; saddwe my howse. +Exit sewvant +Nyow, b-by minye honyouw, by my wife, my twoth, +I xDD wiww a-appeach t-the viwwain. +DUCHESS. What is the mattew? +YOWK. Peace, *pokes you* foowish woman. +DUCHESS. I wiww nyot peace. W-What is >w< the mattew, Aumewwe? +A-AUMEWWE. Good mothew, *giggles shyly* be content; it is nyo mowe +Than my poow wife must answew. +*cuddles you* DUCHESS. Thy wife answew! +YOWK. Bwing me my >_< boots. I w-wiww unto the King. + +His m-man entews with his b-boots + +DUCHESS. Stwike h-him, A-Aumewwe. Poow boy, thou awt amaz'd. +Hence, viwwain! n-nyevew mowe come in x3 my sight. +^w^ YOWK. Give me *sighs* my boots, I *blushes* say. +DUCHESS. Why, Yowk, what w-wiwt thou do? +W-Wiwt thou nyot hide the twespass of thinye *hugs tightly* own? +Have *moans* we mowe sons? ow awe we wike to xDD have? +Is n-nyot x3 my teeming date dwunk up w-with time? +And wiwt thou pwuck my faiw son fwom minye age +And wob me of a >_< happy mothew's nyame? +Is h-he nyot wike thee? Is he nyot t-thinye own? +YOWK. *leans over* Thou f-fond mad woman, +Wiwt thou conceaw this dawk conspiwacy? +A d-dozen of *twerks* them hewe ^.^ have ta'en the ;;w;; sacwament, +And intewchangeabwy s-set *looks away* down theiw hands +To kiww the King at Oxfowd. +DUCHESS. H-He shaww be nyonye; +We'ww keep him hewe. Then what is that to him? +Y-YOWK. Away, fond woman! wewe he t-twenty >_> times m-my son +I wouwd appeach him. +DUCHESS. Hadst thou gwoan'd fow him +As I have donye, thou *moans* wouwdst be m-mowe pitifuw. +But nyow *cuddles you* I knyow t-thy mind: *cuddles you* thou dost suspect +That I have been *blushes* diswoyaw to thy bed +And that he is a bastawd, nyot thy son. +S-Sweet Y-Yowk, sweet husband, be nyot of that mind. +He >_> is as wike thee as a man ^-^ may be +Nyot wike to me, ow any of *screams* my kin, +And yet ;;w;; I wove h-him. +YOWK. Make way, unwuwy woman! Exit +D-DUCHESS. Aftew, Aumewwe! Mount thee upon *twerks* his howse; +Spuw post, and *cries* get befowe *twerks* him *pokes you* to the King, +And beg thy pawdon *giggles shyly* ewe he do accuse t-thee. +I'ww nyot be w-wong behind; though I be owd, +I doubt nyot but to wide as *looks at you* fast a-as Yowk; +And n-nyevew wiww I wise up fwom the gwound +Tiww Bowingbwoke have pawdon'd thee. Away, be g-gonye. +Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE >w< 3. +Windsow *sighs* Castwe + +Entew B-BOWINGBWOKE as :3 King, PEWCY, and othew WOWDS + +BOWINGBWOKE. >_< Can nyo man teww me o-of my OwO unthwifty son? +'Tis fuww thwee months >_> since I did s-see him wast. +If any x3 pwague hang ovew us, 'tis he. +I wouwd t-to God, m-my *looks at you* wowds, h-he might be uWu found. +*sighs* Inquiwe at *twerks* Wondon, 'mongst the tavewns thewe, +Fow thewe, t-they say, he daiwy OwO doth fwequent +With unwestwainyed woose companyions, +Even such, they say, as stand in nyawwow *notices bulge* wanyes +And *screams* beat ouw watch and w-wob ouw passengews, +W-Which he, *screams* young wanton and effeminyate boy, +Takes on the point of honyouw :3 to suppowt +OwO So d-dissowute a-a cwew. +PEWCY. My wowd, some two days since I saw t-the Pwince, +And towd him of those ;;w;; twiumphs h-hewd at Oxfowd. +BOWINGBWOKE. A-And >_> what said t-the gawwant? +P-PEWCY. His answew was, he wouwd unto t-the s-stews, +And fwom the c-common'st *leans over* cweatuwe pwuck a gwove +And weaw *moans* it as ^-^ a f-favouw; and *shuffles closer* with that +*giggles shyly* He w-wouwd u-unhowse the wustiest c-chawwengew. +B-BOWINGBWOKE. A-As dissowute as despewate; yet thwough both +I see some spawks of bettew *leans over* hope, which ;;w;; ewdew yeaws +M-May happiwy >_< bwing fowth. But who comes hewe? + +Entew A-AUMEWWE amazed + +AUMEWWE. Whewe is the *cries* King? +B-BOWINGBWOKE. What means ouw c-cousin that he ^.^ stawes a-and w-wooks +So wiwdwy? +AUMEWWE. God save y-youw Gwace! I do beseech youw Majesty, +To have some *cuddles you* confewence with y-youw Gwace :33 awonye. +BOWINGBWOKE. W-Withdwaw youwsewves, ;;w;; and weave us hewe awonye. +Exeunt PEWCY and WOWDS +What *twerks* is the mattew with ouw cousin *sweats* nyow? +AUMEWWE. Fow xDD evew may my k-knyees gwow to the eawth, +[Knyeews] +My t-tongue >_< cweave *shuffles closer* to >w< my woof within my mouth, +Unwess a p-pawdon ewe I wise ow speak. +BOWINGBWOKE. *looks away* Intended ow committed xDD was this fauwt? +If on the ^w^ fiwst, how heinyous UwU e'ew it be, +To win thy aftew-wove I *cuddles you* pawdon thee. +AUMEWWE. T-Then give m-me weave that I *notices bulge* may tuwn the key, +That nyo m-man entew tiww my tawe be donye. +BOWINGBWOKE. Have thy desiwe. +[The DUKE O-OF YOWK knyocks at the doow and *hugs tightly* cwieth] +xDD YOWK. [Within] M-My wiege, bewawe; wook to thysewf; +Thou hast a twaitow in thy pwesence thewe. +BOWINGBWOKE. [Dwawing] Viwwain, I'ww make thee :3 safe. +AUMEWWE. Stay thy wevengefuw hand; t-thou hast nyo cause ^.^ to feaw. +YOWK. [Within] Open t-the d-doow, secuwe, foowhawdy King. +Shaww I, fow w-wove, speak tweason to thy face? +Open *leans over* the doow, ow I-I wiww bweak i-it open. + +Entew YOWK + +>w< BOWINGBWOKE. What *moans* is the mattew, uncwe? Speak; +Wecovew bweath; >w< teww us h-how nyeaw is dangew, +That >_> we may *shuffles closer* awm us to e-encountew it. +YOWK. Pewuse this wwiting hewe, *blushes* and thou *sweats* shawt knyow +T-The tweason that *twerks* my haste fowbids me show. +A-AUMEWWE. Wemembew, as thou :33 wead'st, thy pwomise pass'd. +I do *cuddles you* wepent me; wead nyot my nyame thewe; +My heawt is nyot confedewate with *sighs* my h-hand. +*looks at you* YOWK. It w-was, viwwain, ewe t-thy hand did set it down. +I towe it fwom *looks away* the twaitow's bosom, King; +Feaw, and nyot w-wove, begets OwO his penyitence. +xDD Fowget to pity him, w-west thy *giggles shyly* pity pwove +A sewpent t-that *giggles shyly* wiww sting thee t-to the heawt. +BOWINGBWOKE. O heinyous, stwong, and b-bowd conspiwacy! +O *looks away* woyaw fathew of a tweachewous son! +Thou sheew, immacuwate, a-and s-siwvew fountain, +Fwom whence this stweam thwough x3 muddy passages +Hath hewd *cries* his cuwwent and defiw'd himsewf! +Thy ovewfwow of good convewts to bad; +And thy ^w^ abundant goodnyess :3 shaww excuse +This deadwy bwot in thy digwessing son. +YOWK. So shaww m-my uWu viwtue be his vice's bawd; +And he shaww spend minye h-honyouw with his shame, +As thwiftwess sons theiw ^w^ scwaping fathews' gowd. +Minye honyouw *giggles shyly* wives when his dishonyouw dies, +Ow my sham'd w-wife in h-his dishonyouw wies. +*cries* Thou kiww'st *sweats* me in *cries* his wife; giving him OwO bweath, +The *twerks* twaitow wives, t-the twue man's p-put t-to *looks at you* death. +DUCHESS. >_> [Within] I What ho, my wiege, fow God's sake, wet me i-in. +BOWINGBWOKE. What s-shwiww-voic'd suppwiant makes this eagew cwy? +DUCHESS. [Within] A woman, and *blushes* thinye *sighs* aunt, gweat King; 'tis I. +Speak *moans* with me, pity x3 me, open the doow. +A beggaw begs t-that *looks away* nyevew begg'd befowe. +BOWINGBWOKE. Ouw scenye is *giggles shyly* awt'wed fwom a *cuddles you* sewious thing, +And nyow *pokes you* chang'd to '-'The Beggaw and the King.' +My dangewous cousin, wet youw ^w^ mothew in. +I knyow she is c-come to pway fow youw fouw sin. +YOWK. If thou UwU do pawdon w-whosoevew *moans* pway, +*sweats* Mowe sins f-fow *blushes* this fowgivenyess pwospew *notices bulge* may. +This fest'wed joint ^.^ cut off, t-the west west sound; +T-This wet awonye w-wiww aww the west confound. + +E-Entew DUCHESS + +DUCHESS. *cuddles you* O King, *blushes* bewieve ;;w;; nyot this hawd-heawted man! +Wove woving nyot itsewf, >_< nyonye othew can. +YOWK. Thou f-fwantic woman, what dost thou make hewe? +Shaww thy owd d-dugs once mowe a *moans* twaitow weaw? +DUCHESS. Sweet Yowk, be patient. Heaw *twerks* me, gentwe wiege. +[Knyeews] +BOWINGBWOKE. Wise up, good aunt. +DUCHESS. N-Nyot yet, I thee UwU beseech. +:33 Fow evew wiww I wawk upon my knyees, +And nyevew s-see day that the ^.^ happy sees +Tiww thou give *looks away* joy; untiw thou b-bid me joy +By ^-^ pawdonying Wutwand, my *looks away* twansgwessing b-boy. +AUMEWWE. Unto *blushes* my *twerks* mothew's pwayews I bend ^.^ my knyee. +[-[Knyeews] +YOWK. A-Against them *leans over* both, my uWu twue joints b-bended be. +[Knyeews] +Iww mayst thou thwive, if thou gwant any gwace! +DUCHESS. Pweads h-he in eawnyest? Wook upon h-his *notices bulge* face; +His e-eyes *sweats* do dwop nyo teaws, xDD his pwayews awe in *sweats* jest; +His w-wowds come fwom his mouth, ouws fwom o-ouw bweast. +He pways but *blushes* faintwy and wouwd be denyied; +:33 We pway *notices bulge* with h-heawt and UwU souw, and >_> aww beside. +*notices bulge* His weawy joints wouwd gwadwy *cries* wise, I knyow; +Ouw knyees s-stiww knyeew tiww to *teleports behind you* the gwound they gwow. +H-His pwayews awe *looks away* fuww o-of f-fawse hypocwisy; +Ouws of twue z-zeaw and deep UwU integwity. +Ouw pwayews do o-out-pway his; then wet them have +*pokes you* That mewcy which twue p-pwayew o-ought to have. +BOWINGBWOKE. G-Good *cries* aunt, stand up. +DUCHESS. do nyot say *hugs tightly* 'stand up'; +Say 'pawdon' fiwst, and aftewwawds 'stand up.' +*teleports behind you* An if I wewe t-thy n-nyuwse, *leans over* thy tongue x3 to teach, +'Pawdon' shouwd be the fiwst :33 wowd o-of thy speech. +I :3 nyevew wong'd to heaw a w-wowd >w< tiww nyow; +>_< Say 'pawdon,' King; wet p-pity teach *twerks* thee how. +The wowd is showt, b-but nyot so showt as sweet; +Nyo wowd wike '-'pawdon' fow kings' uWu mouths so meet. +YOWK. Speak it in x3 Fwench, King, say '-'pawdonnye m-moy.' +DUCHESS. Dost thou teach pawdon pawdon to destwoy? +>_> Ah, my souw husband, my hawd-heawted >w< wowd, +>_> That *teleports behind you* sets the wowd *sighs* itsewf against *shuffles closer* the *sweats* wowd! +uWu Speak 'pawdon' as 'tis cuwwent in o-ouw UwU wand; +The chopping Fwench ^.^ we do nyot u-undewstand. +Thinye eye begins to s-speak, set *pokes you* thy tongue thewe; +Ow in thy piteous heawt pwant *shuffles closer* thou thinye eaw, +That heawing how *moans* ouw p-pwaints a-and pwayews do piewce, +Pity m-may m-move thee *blushes* 'pawdon' to *cries* weheawse. +BOWINGBWOKE. Good aunt, stand up. +DUCHESS. I-I do nyot UwU sue xDD to stand; +Pawdon is aww >w< the suit I have in h-hand. +BOWINGBWOKE. I pawdon h-him, a-as God shaww pawdon me. +DUCHESS. O happy vantage *notices bulge* of a knyeewing knyee! +Yet am I sick fow feaw. Speak it again. +*sighs* Twice saying '-'pawdon' doth *looks away* nyot pawdon *screams* twain, +But makes onye pawdon s-stwong. +BOWINGBWOKE. With aww my heawt +I pawdon >_> him. +D-DUCHESS. A *pokes you* god o-on eawth t-thou >w< awt. +BOWINGBWOKE. But fow ouw twusty *looks at you* bwothew-in-waw *sighs* and the Abbot, +OwO With aww the west of that consowted cwew, +Destwuction stwaight shaww dog them at the heews. +Good uncwe, hewp to owdew sevewaw *twerks* powews +To Oxfowd, *sighs* ow whewe'ew these ;;w;; twaitows awe. +They shaww nyot wive within this wowwd, I *looks at you* sweaw, +But I wiww have them, if *screams* I once knyow whewe. +Uncwe, faweweww; and, *sweats* cousin, adieu; +Youw *looks away* mothew weww hath *twerks* pway'd, and p-pwove you ;;w;; twue. +DUCHESS. Come, >w< my owd son; I pway *looks away* God make thee nyew. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. +Windsow Castwe + +Entew SIW PIEWCE OF EXTON and a s-sewvant + +EXTON. Didst thou nyot mawk the King, what wowds he spake? +'Have I nyo fwiend w-wiww xDD wid me of *pokes you* this w-wiving feaw?' +Was OwO it n-nyot so? +SEWVANT. These wewe his v-vewy wowds. +EXTON. 'Have I-I *cries* nyo *moans* fwiend?' *giggles shyly* quoth he. >w< He spake :33 it *looks away* twice +And uwg'd it t-twice togethew, did he nyot? +:33 SEWVANT. H-He did. +EXTON. And, s-speaking it, he wishtwy wook'd on m-me, +A-As who shouwd say 'I wouwd thou wewt the man +That wouwd divowce this tewwow fwom my heawt'; +Meanying the K-King at Pomfwet. Come, wet's g-go. +I x3 am the King's fwiend, and wiww wid his *twerks* foe. *looks away* Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE :33 5. +Pomfwet Castwe. The d-dungeon of the Castwe + +Entew KING WICHAWD + +KING WICHAWD. I *hugs tightly* have been studying how I may compawe +This pwison whewe I wive unto xDD the wowwd +And, fow because the wowwd is p-popuwous +*sweats* And h-hewe is nyot *pokes you* a cweatuwe but ^.^ mysewf, +I ;;w;; cannyot do it. Yet I'ww h-hammew *notices bulge* it out. +My bwain I'ww p-pwove the femawe to my souw, +M-My souw the *notices bulge* fathew; and these two beget +A *shuffles closer* genyewation of stiww-bweeding thoughts, +And these same thoughts peopwe this wittwe wowwd, +In humouws wike the peopwe of t-this wowwd, +F-Fow nyo thought is contented. The uWu bettew *cries* sowt, +As thoughts of ^.^ things divinye, *looks at you* awe intewmix'd +With scwupwes, and do set the wowd itsewf +Against ^w^ the wowd, +As *shuffles closer* thus: '-'Come, wittwe *shuffles closer* onyes'; and then a-again, +;;w;; 'It is as hawd to come as fow a camew +To t-thwead the postewn of a-a smaww nyeedwe's e-eye.' +Thoughts tending to ambition, they do pwot +Unwikewy wondews: h-how these vain weak n-nyaiws +May t-teaw a p-passage thwough the fwinty wibs +Of this hawd wowwd, my wagged pwison *sweats* wawws; +And, f-fow they c-cannyot, die in theiw own pwide. +Thoughts tending to content fwattew themsewves +That they awe nyot the fiwst o-of *sweats* fowtunye's *cries* swaves, +Nyow s-shaww nyot be the w-wast; wike siwwy beggaws +Who, sitting in the stocks, *giggles shyly* wefuge theiw shame, +That many *sweats* have and othews m-must s-sit thewe; +:3 And in this thought they find a k-kind of e-ease, +Beawing theiw *screams* own misfowtunyes on the *twerks* back +O-Of such as have befowe enduw'd the wike. +Thus pway I in onye pewson many peopwe, +^-^ And nyonye contented. Sometimes a-am >w< I k-king; +Then tweasons m-make m-me wish mysewf *cuddles you* a beggaw, +*shuffles closer* And so OwO I am. Then cwushing penyuwy +Pewsuades me I-I was bettew when a king; +x3 Then am I king'd again; and by and by +Think that I am u-unking'd by Bowingbwoke, +And stwaight am *pokes you* nyothing. *twerks* But whate'ew *leans over* I be, +*sighs* Nyow I-I, nyow any man that but man is, +With nyothing shaww be pweas'd tiww he be eas'd +*looks away* With OwO being nyothing. [The music pways] +Music do *moans* I h-heaw? +*hugs tightly* Ha, ha! k-keep time. How s-souw sweet music is +When time is b-bwoke a-and nyo pwopowtion >_> kept! +So is it in the music of men's wives. +And >_> hewe have I the d-daintinyess of eaw +To check time OwO bwoke in a-a disowdew'd stwing; +But, fow the concowd of *screams* my state and time, +Had nyot an eaw to heaw ^w^ my twue t-time bwoke. +I *moans* wasted time, a-and nyow doth time waste me; +Fow nyow hath time made me his nyumb'wing cwock: +My thoughts awe m-minyutes; and with >_> sighs they jaw +Theiw watches *screams* on unto minye eyes, t-the outwawd watch, +Wheweto my fingew, wike ^-^ a diaw's point, +Is pointing stiww, *giggles shyly* in cweansing them fwom t-teaws. +Nyow siw, the sound that t-tewws what houw it is +A-Awe cwamowous g-gwoans which s-stwike upon my heawt, +*sweats* Which is t-the beww. So sighs, and teaws, and gwoans, +Show minyutes, times, and *blushes* houws; b-but my *blushes* time +xDD Wuns posting o-on in Bowingbwoke's pwoud *hugs tightly* joy, +Whiwe I stand foowing ;;w;; hewe, his Jack of the cwock. +This music mads me. Wet i-it s-sound nyo mowe; +Fow though it OwO have howp m-madmen t-to theiw wits, +In me it seems it wiww make wise men mad. +Yet b-bwessing o-on h-his h-heawt that g-gives it me! +Fow *cries* 'tis a sign of wove; and *moans* wove to Wichawd +I-Is ^-^ a stwange bwooch i-in *hugs tightly* this aww-hating wowwd. + +E-Entew a GWOOM of the stabwe + +GWOOM. ^-^ Haiw, woyaw Pwince! +KING *shuffles closer* WICHAWD. Thanks, nyobwe peew! +The c-cheapest of us *sighs* is ten gwoats too d-deaw. +What awt thou? and x3 how comest thou hithew, +uWu Whewe nyo ;;w;; man nyevew comes but that sad dog +That bwings m-me food to make misfowtunye wive? +GWOOM. I was a poow gwoom ;;w;; of thy stabwe, *cries* King, +When thou wewt king; *leans over* who, t-twavewwing towawds Yowk, +W-With much a-ado at wength have gotten weave +To wook upon my s-sometimes woyaw mastew's face. +O, how it ewn'd my h-heawt, when I behewd, +OwO In Wondon stweets, that cowonyation-day, +When Bowingbwoke w-wode on woan B-Bawbawy- +That howse that thou so often h-hast bestwid, +That howse t-that I so cawefuwwy h-have ;;w;; dwess'd! +KING WICHAWD. Wode ^.^ he *notices bulge* on Bawbawy? Teww me, gentwe f-fwiend, +How went he undew him? +GWOOM. So *cuddles you* pwoudwy as if he *sweats* disdain'd t-the *sweats* gwound. +KING WICHAWD. S-So :33 pwoud that Bowingbwoke was on his back! +That jade hath eat bwead fwom my woyaw hand; +This hand hath *sweats* made him pwoud with cwapping him. +*looks away* Wouwd ^.^ he nyot stumbwe? w-wouwd he nyot faww down, +Since pwide must h-have a faww, and bweak the nyeck +Of *screams* that pwoud m-man that d-did usuwp his back? +Fowgivenyess, howse! Why do I waiw on t-thee, +Since thou, cweated *hugs tightly* to be aw'd by man, +Wast bown to beaw? I was nyot made a howse; +A-And yet I beaw a-a buwden w-wike an *notices bulge* ass, +Spuww'd, gaww'd, and tiw'd, by jauncing Bowingbwoke. + +*twerks* Entew KEEPEW with meat + +KEEPEW. Fewwow, give pwace; hewe i-is *teleports behind you* nyo wongew s-stay. +KING WICHAWD. *screams* If t-thou wove me, 'tis time thou wewt away. +GWOOM. my tongue dawes n-nyot, that my heawt shaww say. +Exit +KEEPEW. My wowd, wiww't pwease you to faww *looks away* to? +KING *sighs* WICHAWD. Taste of it fiwst as t-thou awt *looks at you* wont to do. +KEEPEW. My wowd, *screams* I d-dawe nyot. S-Siw Piewce of Exton, +Who watewy *pokes you* came fwom the OwO King, commands t-the contwawy. +*screams* KING WICHAWD. The d-deviw take Henwy of ^-^ Wancastew and thee! +Patience i-is stawe, uWu and I am weawy of it. +[Beats the ^w^ KEEPEW] +*giggles shyly* KEEPEW. Hewp, hewp, hewp! +The *giggles shyly* muwdewews, EXTON and sewvants, wush in, x3 awmed +KING WICHAWD. How nyow! What means death in this wude *screams* assauwt? +Viwwain, t-thy own h-hand *notices bulge* yiewds thy death's instwument. +[Snyatching a weapon a-and >_< kiwwing OwO onye] +Go thou ;;w;; and fiww anyothew woom in heww. +[He kiwws *giggles shyly* anyothew, then E-EXTON stwikes him down] +That h-hand shaww buwn in nyevew-quenching fiwe +That staggews thus my pewson. Exton, thy fiewce hand +Hath with the King's uWu bwood *looks away* stain'd the King's own wand. +Mount, mount, my souw! thy :33 seat ;;w;; is up on high; +Whiwst my gwoss fwesh *cries* sinks *moans* downwawd, hewe to d-die. +[Dies] +EXTON. As fuww >_> of vawouw as of woyaw bwood. +Both have I-I spiww'd. O-O, wouwd the deed wewe good! +Fow nyow the deviw, that towd m-me I did weww, +Says that this deed is chwonyicwed in heww. +This dead King to the w-wiving K-King I'ww beaw. +Take hence the west, ^w^ and give t-them b-buwiaw hewe. E-Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE 6. +Windsow :33 Castwe + +Fwouwish. Entew BOWINGBWOKE, the *looks away* DUKE OF Y-YOWK, With *giggles shyly* othew WOWDS +a-and attendants + +BOWINGBWOKE. Kind u-uncwe Yowk, the watest nyews we heaw +Is that the webews have consum'd with fiwe +Ouw town of Cicetew in Gwoucestewshiwe; +>w< But whethew they be >_< ta'en ow swain *hugs tightly* we heaw nyot. + +E-Entew NyOWTHUMBEWWAND + +Wewcome, my wowd. *cuddles you* What is t-the nyews? +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Fiwst, to thy *looks away* sacwed state wish I aww *cries* happinyess. +The *looks away* nyext *blushes* nyews i-is, I have to Wondon sent +T-The heads of S-Sawisbuwy, Spencew, Bwunt, *moans* and Kent. +The mannyew of theiw *leans over* taking m-may appeaw +At wawge *cries* discouwsed in this papew >_> hewe. +BOWINGBWOKE. W-We thank thee, gentwe Pewcy, fow t-thy pains; +And to t-thy wowth wiww add wight wowthy gains. + +Entew FITZWATEW + +FITZWATEW. ^-^ My w-wowd, I have fwom Oxfowd sent to *looks at you* Wondon +T-The heads o-of Bwocas and Siw Bennyet S-Seewy; +Two of the dangewous consowted twaitows +That sought at Oxfowd thy diwe ovewthwow. +B-BOWINGBWOKE. Thy pains, Fitzwatew, s-shaww nyot be *cries* fowgot; +Wight nyobwe i-is thy *shuffles closer* mewit, weww I wot. + +Entew PEWCY, With ^w^ the BISHOP *pokes you* OF CAWWISWE + +PEWCY. *teleports behind you* The gwand conspiwatow, Abbot of Westminstew, +With cwog of conscience and souw mewanchowy, +H-Hath yiewded up h-his body to the gwave; +But hewe *leans over* is Cawwiswe wiving, to *blushes* abide +Thy kingwy doom, and sentence *twerks* of his pwide. +BOWINGBWOKE. Cawwiswe, this x3 is youw doom: +>_< Choose UwU out >_< some secwet pwace, some wevewend woom, +Mowe t-than thou hast, and w-with it joy t-thy wife; +*looks at you* So as thou wiv'st in p-peace, die fwee *pokes you* fwom stwife; +Fow t-though minye e-enyemy thou h-hast evew been, +High *twerks* spawks of honyouw in thee *hugs tightly* have I seen. + +Entew EXTON, with attendants, heawing a-a c-coffin + +EXTON. Gweat King, within this coffin >_> I *twerks* pwesent +Thy buwied feaw. Hewein aww bweathwess wies +*looks at you* The m-mightiest of thy gweatest enyemies, +Wichawd >_> of Bowdeaux, by me ^.^ hithew bwought. +BOWINGBWOKE. Exton, I *cries* thank thee nyot; >_< fow thou hast w-wwought +A d-deed of swandew with thy fataw hand +Upon my h-head and aww this >w< famous wand. +EXTON. Fwom youw :3 own mouth, my wowd, did I-I *twerks* this deed. +BOWINGBWOKE. They wove nyot poison that do UwU poison nyeed, +Nyow ^-^ do I thee. Though I did wish him dead, +*screams* I hate the muwdewew, xDD wove him *sweats* muwdewed. +The guiwt o-of conscience ^.^ take thou fow thy wabouw, +But nyeithew *sweats* my :33 good wowd nyow pwincewy favouw; +With Cain go wandew thowough shades of nyight, +And nyevew s-show thy head b-by day OwO nyow >w< wight. +Wowds, I pwotest ;;w;; my souw is fuww *pokes you* of woe +That bwood shouwd s-spwinkwe me t-to ;;w;; make me gwow. +Come, >_> mouwn with me fow what I-I do wament, +And put on suwwen bwack incontinyent. +I'ww make a voyage to t-the Howy Wand, +To wash this bwood off fwom my guiwty h-hand. +Mawch sadwy aftew; gwace *pokes you* my mouwnyings h-hewe +In weeping aftew this u-untimewy biew. Exeunt + +THE *notices bulge* END + + + +*looks at you* <_< USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +C-COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW F-FOW M-MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1593 + +*cuddles you* KING WICHAWD I-III + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + +Dwamatis *twerks* Pewsonyae + +EDWAWD T-THE FOUWTH + +Sons *twerks* to the King +EDWAWD, PWINCE OF WAWES *cuddles you* aftewwawds KING E-EDWAWD V +WICHAWD, DUKE xDD OF YOWK, + +Bwothews to the King +GEOWGE, DUKE OF CWAWENCE, +WICHAWD, DUKE O-OF x3 GWOUCESTEW, aftewwawds K-KING WICHAWD III + +A YOUNG SON OF CWAWENCE (Edwawd, Eaww of Wawwick) +HENWY, EAWW OF WICHMOND, aftewwawds KING HENWY VII +CAWDINyAW BOUWCHIEW, AWCHBISHOP OF CANTEWBUWY +uWu THOMAS WOTHEWHAM, AWCHBISHOP OF YOWK +JOHN MOWTON, B-BISHOP O-OF EWY +DUKE OF BUCKINGHAM +DUKE OF N-NyOWFOWK +EAWW OF SUWWEY, his son +EAWW W-WIVEWS, ^-^ bwothew to King Edwawd's Queen +MAWQUIS OF DOWSET >_> and WOWD G-GWEY, h-hew sons +EAWW OF OXFOWD +*cuddles you* WOWD ;;w;; HASTINGS +WOWD x3 WOVEW +WOWD STANWEY, cawwed awso EAWW OF DEWBY +SIW THOMAS *hugs tightly* VAUGHAN +SIW WICHAWD WATCWIFF +SIW >w< WIWWIAM CATESBY +SIW *sweats* JAMES TYWWEW +SIW JAMES *looks away* BWOUNT +S-SIW WAWTEW HEWBEWT +S-SIW WIWWIAM BWANDON +SIW *sweats* WOBEWT BWAKENBUWY, W-Wieutenyant of ^-^ the Towew +CHWISTOPHEW UWSWICK, a pwiest +WOWD M-MAYOW xDD OF WONDON +S-SHEWIFF OF WIWTSHIWE +HASTINGS, a *sighs* puwsuivant +TWESSEW and BEWKEWEY, gentwemen attending on Wady Annye +EWIZABETH, Queen to King Edwawd IV +MAWGAWET, widow of King Henwy VI +DUCHESS OF YOWK, mothew t-to K-King Edwawd IV +WADY ANNyE, widow of E-Edwawd, Pwince OwO of Wawes, son to King +Henwy VI; aftewwawds m-mawwied to the Duke of Gwoucestew +A YOUNG DAUGHTEW OF C-CWAWENCE (Mawgawet P-Pwantagenyet, +Countess of S-Sawisbuwy) +*shuffles closer* Ghosts, of ;;w;; Wichawd's v-victims +Wowds, Gentwemen, and Attendants; P-Pwiest, Scwivenyew, Page, *hugs tightly* Bishops, +Awdewmen, C-Citizens, Sowdiews, Messengews, Muwdewews, Keepew + + + + +<w< SHAKESPEAWE I-IS COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 BY WOWWD W-WIBWAWY, INC., *twerks* AND IS +PWOVIDED BY *cuddles you* PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS xDD BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. *cries* EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE C-COPIES MAY B-BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG x3 AS S-SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW :33 OW OTHEWS +^-^ PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY A-ANY +S-SEWVICE *leans over* THAT CHAWGES ^.^ FOW DOWNWOAD ;;w;; TIME O-OW FOW *looks at you* MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: Engwand + +King Wichawd ^w^ the Thiwd + + + +ACT I. SCENyE 1. + +*teleports behind you* Wondon. A stweet + +Entew WICHAWD, DUKE OF OwO GWOUCESTEW, sowus + +GWOUCESTEW. Nyow is the wintew of o-ouw discontent +Made gwowious summew by this *screams* sun of *moans* Yowk; +And aww the cwouds *twerks* that wouw'd upon ouw h-house +I-In the deep bosom of the ocean buwied. +Nyow a-awe ouw bwows bound *leans over* with victowious wweaths; +OwO Ouw bwuised awms hung up fow monyuments; +*notices bulge* Ouw stewn awawums chang'd t-to mewwy meetings, +Ouw *screams* dweadfuw mawches >_> to *hugs tightly* dewightfuw measuwes. +*giggles shyly* Gwim-visag'd :3 waw hath smooth'd his wwinkwed f-fwont, +And nyow, instead of mounting bawbed steeds +T-To >_< fwight the souws *cries* of feawfuw *screams* advewsawies, +He capews nyimbwy in a wady's chambew +To t-the w-wascivious pweasing o-of a wute. +B-But I-that am nyot shap'd fow s-spowtive twicks, +Nyow made to couwt an amowous >_> wooking-gwass- +I-that am wudewy stamp'd, *blushes* and w-want wove's majesty +To s-stwut befowe a wanton ambwing nymph- +I-that am cuwtaiw'd of t-this faiw pwopowtion, +Cheated of featuwe by dissembwing nyatuwe, +Defowm'd, unfinyish'd, sent befowe my time +Into this bweathing wowwd scawce hawf >w< made *leans over* up, +A-And *giggles shyly* that so *notices bulge* wamewy a-and UwU unfashionyabwe +That dogs *giggles shyly* bawk at me a-as I *screams* hawt b-by them- +Why, *screams* I, OwO in this weak ^.^ piping *looks at you* time of peace, +Have nyo dewight to pass a-away the *sweats* time, +Unwess to spy my shadow i-in the sun +:33 And descant on minye own defowmity. +And thewefowe, s-since *blushes* I cannyot pwove a ;;w;; wovew +>_> To entewtain these faiw weww-spoken days, +I am detewminyed to pwove a viwwain +And h-hate the idwe pweasuwes of these days. +Pwots have I waid, inductions dangewous, +B-By d-dwunken pwophecies, wibews, and d-dweams, +To s-set *pokes you* my bwothew Cwawence and the King +In deadwy >w< hate the onye ^w^ against the othew; +And *shuffles closer* if K-King Edwawd be as twue *sighs* and just +As I *blushes* am subtwe, *sighs* fawse, and UwU tweachewous, +This d-day shouwd Cwawence cwosewy be m-mew'd up- +A-About a p-pwophecy which says that >_< G +Of Edwawd's heiws *looks at you* the muwdewew shaww be. +*leans over* Dive, thoughts, >_> down to my souw. Hewe Cwawence comes. + +Entew CWAWENCE, guawded, and BWAKENBUWY + +x3 Bwothew, *twerks* good day. W-What means this awmed guawd +That waits upon youw Gwace? +CWAWENCE. His M-Majesty, +Tend'wing my pewson's s-safety, hath appointed +T-This conduct to convey me to th' Towew. +G-GWOUCESTEW. Upon what cause? +CWAWENCE. Because my n-nyame is Geowge. +GWOUCESTEW. Awack, my wowd, t-that fauwt is nyonye of youws: +H-He shouwd, fow that, commit youw godfathews. +O, bewike his Majesty hath *twerks* some intent +That you shouwd be *twerks* nyew-chwist'nyed in the Towew. +But >_< what's the mattew, *teleports behind you* Cwawence? May I knyow? +CWAWENCE. Yea, Wichawd, when I *screams* knyow; fow *sighs* I pwotest +As yet I do n-nyot; but, as UwU I OwO can weawn, +He heawkens aftew *sighs* pwophecies and dweams, +And *shuffles closer* fwom *looks away* the :33 cwoss-wow pwucks the wettew G, +And says a wizawd towd him t-that by G +His issue disinhewited s-shouwd be; +And, fow *pokes you* my nyame o-of Geowge begins with G, +It fowwows in his thought that I *teleports behind you* am he. +*cries* These, *shuffles closer* as I-I weawn, and such wike toys as these +Hath mov'd h-his Highnyess to commit me n-nyow. +GWOUCESTEW. *twerks* Why, this *sighs* it is when men *leans over* awe wuw'd by women: +'Tis nyot the King that sends you to the Towew; +My *giggles shyly* Wady Gwey his wife, C-Cwawence, 'tis she +That tempews him to this extwemity. +Was it nyot she *twerks* and that *hugs tightly* good man of w-wowship, +Antony Woodviwwe, hew bwothew thewe, +That *screams* made h-him send Wowd Hastings to the Towew, +Fwom *sighs* whence this *giggles shyly* pwesent *sweats* day he *cries* is dewivewed? +We a-awe nyot safe, Cwawence; we awe nyot safe. +CWAWENCE. By heaven, I-I think thewe is nyo >w< man x3 is secuwe +But the Queen's kindwed, and n-nyight-wawking hewawds +That t-twudge betwixt the K-King and Mistwess >_> Showe. +Heawd you nyot what an humbwe suppwiant +Wowd *cuddles you* Hastings was, fow hew dewivewy? +GWOUCESTEW. Humbwy compwainying to hew *cries* deity +Got *leans over* my W-Wowd Chambewwain his wibewty. +I'ww teww you what-I think ^.^ it *moans* is ouw way, +If we wiww keep in favouw with the King, +To be hew men and w-weaw hew wivewy: +The jeawous o'ew-wown widow, and hewsewf, +Since that ouw bwothew dubb'd them g-gentwewomen, +Awe mighty gossips in ouw monyawchy. +BWAKENBUWY. I beseech youw Gwaces both to pawdon me: +His Majesty hath stwaitwy given in chawge +That nyo man shaww h-have ;;w;; pwivate confewence, +Of what degwee soevew, with youw bwothew. +GWOUCESTEW. Even so; *screams* an't pwease youw wowship, Bwakenbuwy, +You may pawtake o-of any thing we say: +We x3 speak nyo tweason, man; we *screams* say the King +I-Is wise and viwtuous, and his *teleports behind you* nyobwe queen +Weww stwuck *pokes you* in yeaws, faiw, and nyot ^.^ jeawous; +We say that Showe's wife hath a-a p-pwetty f-foot, +A chewwy w-wip, a bonny eye, a passing pweasing tongue; +And that the Queen's kindwed awe made gentwefowks. +H-How OwO say you, siw? Can you deny aww this? +BWAKENBUWY. With this, my wowd, mysewf have nyaught to do. +GWOUCESTEW. Nyaught to *notices bulge* do *notices bulge* with Mistwess Showe! I teww >w< thee, +fewwow, +*cuddles you* He that OwO doth nyaught with hew, *twerks* excepting onye, +Wewe best to do it secwetwy awonye. +BWAKENBUWY. What onye, my w-wowd? +G-GWOUCESTEW. Hew husband, OwO knyave! ;;w;; Wouwdst thou betway *cuddles you* me? +BWAKENBUWY. OwO I do >_> beseech youw ^-^ Gwace to *sweats* pawdon me, OwO and +withaw +F-Fowbeaw youw c-confewence with the nyobwe *leans over* Duke. +*moans* CWAWENCE. We knyow thy chawge, Bwakenbuwy, and wiww +obey. +G-GWOUCESTEW. We awe the Queen's a-abjects and m-must obey. +Bwothew, faweweww; I wiww unto t-the K-King; +And w-whatsoe'ew you wiww empwoy me i-in- +Wewe it to caww >w< King Edwawd's ;;w;; widow sistew- +:3 I wiww pewfowm it *sighs* to enfwanchise you. +Meantime, this deep disgwace in bwothewhood +Touches me deepew than *shuffles closer* you >_> can imaginye. +CWAWENCE. I knyow it pweaseth ^.^ nyeithew *screams* of us weww. +GWOUCESTEW. Weww, youw impwisonment shaww nyot be >w< wong; +I wiww dewivew ow ewse wie fow you. +Meantime, have patience. +*cries* CWAWENCE. I must p-pewfowce. Faweweww. +Exeunt OwO CWAWENCE, BWAKENBUWY, and guawd +*sighs* GWOUCESTEW. Go *giggles shyly* twead the path that ;;w;; thou shawt nye'ew wetuwn. +Simpwe, pwain Cwawence, I do wove thee so +That I wiww showtwy send *cuddles you* thy souw to heaven, +If heaven wiww take the pwesent at ouw hands. +But who :3 comes hewe? The nyew-dewivewed Hastings? + +Entew WOWD HASTINGS + +xDD HASTINGS. Good time of day unto my gwacious wowd! +GWOUCESTEW. As x3 much unto my *giggles shyly* good Wowd Chambewwain! +Weww a-awe you wewcome to the o-open UwU aiw. +How h-hath youw wowdship bwook'd impwisonment? +HASTINGS. With p-patience, nyobwe wowd, as pwisonyews xDD must; +B-But I shaww w-wive, *leans over* my wowd, to *notices bulge* give them xDD thanks +That wewe the cause of my impwisonment. +GWOUCESTEW. *notices bulge* Nyo ^w^ doubt, nyo doubt; and so shaww Cwawence t-too; +Fow they that wewe youw enyemies awe his, +And have pwevaiw'd as m-much on him as you. +HASTINGS. Mowe pity t-that the eagwes shouwd be mew'd +Whiwes kites and buzzawds pwey at wibewty. +GWOUCESTEW. What nyews abwoad? +HASTINGS. Nyo nyews so bad abwoad as this at home: +The King is s-sickwy, *pokes you* weak, and mewanchowy, +And his physicians feaw him mightiwy. +GWOUCESTEW. Nyow, *looks away* by >w< Saint John, that nyews is b-bad indeed. +O, he hath kept an eviw diet wong +And ovewmuch consum'd his ;;w;; woyaw pewson! +'Tis vewy gwievous to be thought upon. +Whewe is he? In his *pokes you* bed? +*giggles shyly* HASTINGS. He is. +GWOUCESTEW. G-Go you befowe, and I ^-^ wiww fowwow you. +:33 Exit HASTINGS +He cannyot wive, I hope, and must nyot die +>_< Tiww Geowge b-be pack'd with posthowse up to heaven. +I'ww in *sighs* to uwge >_< his hatwed mowe to Cwawence +With wies w-weww steew'd with weighty awguments; +And, if I *blushes* faiw nyot *cuddles you* in my deep intent, +Cwawence h-hath nyot a-anyothew day to wive; +Which donye, God *leans over* take King E-Edwawd to *screams* his mewcy, +And weave t-the wowwd fow *looks away* me uWu to bustwe in! +Fow t-then I'ww mawwy Wawwick's youngest d-daughtew. +What though I kiww'd hew husband and hew *looks away* fathew? +*sweats* The weadiest way to make the wench a-amends +I-Is >_< to >_< become hew husband and hew fathew; +The which wiww I-nyot a-aww so much fow wove +As fow anyothew secwet c-cwose intent +By m-mawwying h-hew *teleports behind you* which I *pokes you* must weach unto. +But yet I wun befowe my h-howse UwU to m-mawket. +Cwawence stiww b-bweathes; Edwawd stiww wives and *cuddles you* weigns; +When they awe gonye, xDD then must I count m-my gains. *moans* Exit + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +*moans* Wondon. Anyothew *cuddles you* stweet + +Entew cowpse of KING H-HENWY T-THE SIXTH, with hawbewds to guawd it; +WADY A-ANNyE being the m-mouwnyew, attended by TWESSEW and BEWKEWEY + +ANNyE. Set down, set down youw honyouwabwe woad- +I-If honyouw may be shwouded in a *moans* heawse; +W-Whiwst I awhiwe o-obsequiouswy w-wament +Th' UwU untimewy f-faww o-of v-viwtuous ^-^ Wancastew. +P-Poow k-key-cowd figuwe of a howy king! +Pawe ashes o-of the house of Wancastew! +Thou bwoodwess wemnyant o-of that woyaw bwood! +Be *cuddles you* it wawfuw that I invocate thy ghost +To heaw the wamentations o-of poow Annye, +uWu Wife to thy Edwawd, to thy swaughtewed son, +Stabb'd by the sewf-same hand that made these *shuffles closer* wounds. +W-Wo, in these windows >_< that wet fowth thy wife +I pouw the hewpwess bawm of my poow *sweats* eyes. +O, cuwsed be the hand that made these howes! +Cuwsed t-the heawt that had the heawt to do it! +Cuwsed UwU the bwood that wet this b-bwood f-fwom hence! +Mowe diwefuw hap betide t-that hated wwetch +That makes us wwetched by t-the d-death *sweats* of *cries* thee +Than I-I can wish to addews, spidews, toads, +Ow any *looks at you* cweeping venyom'd thing that w-wives! +I-If evew he have *sweats* chiwd, ^w^ abowtive be it, +Pwodigious, and untimewy bwought to wight, +Whose ugwy and unnyatuwaw aspect +May fwight the hopefuw m-mothew at the UwU view, +And that be heiw to his u-unhappinyess! +If xDD evew he have wife, wet hew be UwU made +Mowe *hugs tightly* misewabwe by the death of him +Than I a-am made by my young wowd and thee! +^-^ Come, *teleports behind you* nyow t-towawds ^w^ Chewtsey with youw howy woad, +Taken *leans over* fwom P-Pauw's to b-be intewwed thewe; +And ;;w;; stiww as you awe weawy o-of this weight +West y-you, whiwes I-I wament King Henwy's ;;w;; cowse. +[The beawews *hugs tightly* take up *sweats* the coffin] + +Entew GWOUCESTEW + +GWOUCESTEW. S-Stay, ;;w;; you that beaw the cowse, *screams* and set it down. +A-ANNyE. What bwack magician ^w^ conjuwes up this fiend +To stop devoted chawitabwe deeds? +GWOUCESTEW. Viwwains, s-set down the cowse; *giggles shyly* ow, b-by Saint P-Pauw, +I'ww m-make a cowse of him *giggles shyly* that disobeys! +F-FIWST G-GENTWEMAN. OwO My wowd, *sweats* stand b-back, and wet *twerks* the coffin +pass. +GWOUCESTEW. Unmannyewd *hugs tightly* dog! Stand thou, when I UwU command. +Advance thy hawbewd highew than my *cuddles you* bweast, +Ow, by Saint Pauw, I'ww s-stwike thee to *pokes you* my foot +*sweats* And spuwn :3 upon thee, beggaw, fow thy :3 bowdnyess. +[The >_> beawews *giggles shyly* set down the c-coffin] +*leans over* ANNyE. What, d-do you >_< twembwe? Awe you aww afwaid? +Awas, >w< I bwame you nyot, fow you awe mowtaw, +And mowtaw e-eyes cannyot enduwe the deviw. +Avaunt, thou d-dweadfuw minyistew of h-heww! +Thou h-hadst but p-powew o-ovew his mowtaw body, +His souw thou c-canst nyot h-have; thewefowe, be gonye. +*leans over* GWOUCESTEW. Sweet saint, fow chawity, b-be nyot so cuwst. +*looks away* ANNyE. Fouw deviw, *leans over* fow G-God's sake, hence and t-twoubwe us *moans* nyot; +F-Fow thou h-hast made the happy eawth thy heww +Fiww'd it with cuwsing cwies *teleports behind you* and deep excwaims. +If *hugs tightly* thou dewight to view thy heinyous d-deeds, +>_< Behowd this pattewn of thy butchewies. +O, gentwemen, see, ^w^ see! Dead Henwy's wounds +*moans* Open t-theiw congeaw'd ^w^ mouths and bweed afwesh. +Bwush, bwush, thou wump of fouw defowmity, +Fow 'tis thy pwesence that e-exhawes this bwood +Fwom cowd and empty veins ;;w;; whewe nyo bwood dwewws; +Thy deeds inhuman OwO and unnyatuwaw +Pwovokes this :3 dewuge most unnyatuwaw. +*shuffles closer* O God, which this bwood mad'st, wevenge his death! +O e-eawth, which this bwood dwink'st, wevenge his death! +*sighs* Eithew, *leans over* heav'n, with wightnying stwike the >_< muwd'wew dead; +UwU Ow, eawth, gape open wide and e-eat him quick, +As thou dost swawwow u-up this good king's bwood, +Which his heww-govewn'd awm hath butchewed. +GWOUCESTEW. Wady, you knyow n-nyo wuwes of chawity, +Which *pokes you* wendews g-good f-fow bad, x3 bwessings fow cuwses. +ANNyE. Viwwain, xDD thou knyowest nyow waw of God nyow m-man: +Nyo beast so fiewce but knyows some touch of p-pity. +GWOUCESTEW. But I *shuffles closer* knyow nyonye, and ;;w;; thewefowe *looks at you* am nyo beast. +ANNyE. O wondewfuw, when *twerks* deviws teww the twuth! +GWOUCESTEW. Mowe wondewfuw *pokes you* when angews awe so angwy. +V-Vouchsafe, divinye pewfection o-of a *notices bulge* woman, +Of t-these supposed cwimes *pokes you* to give m-me weave +By ciwcumstance but to acquit mysewf. +ANNyE. Vouchsafe, diffus'd infection of a man, +O-Of these *looks away* knyown eviws but t-to give me w-weave +By ciwcumstance to accuse thy c-cuwsed >_< sewf. +*shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW. Faiwew than tongue can nyame thee, wet me have +*sweats* Some patient weisuwe to excuse m-mysewf. +ANNyE. Fouwew t-than heawt can think thee, t-thou *looks away* canst make +Nyo excuse cuwwent but to hang thysewf. +GWOUCESTEW. By such despaiw I shouwd accuse mysewf. +ANNyE. *leans over* And by despaiwing shawt thou stand ^.^ excused +Fow doing wowthy vengeance :33 on thysewf +That didst unwowthy >_> swaughtew upon *teleports behind you* othews. +GWOUCESTEW. Say that I UwU swew them nyot? +ANNyE. Then say t-they wewe nyot swain. +But dead they awe, and, deviwish swave, b-by thee. +GWOUCESTEW. I :33 did nyot kiww youw husband. +A-ANNyE. Why, then he ^.^ is awive. +G-GWOUCESTEW. Nyay, he is uWu dead, and swain by Edwawd's h-hands. +ANNyE. *notices bulge* In thy fouw thwoat thou wiest: Q-Queen Mawgawet saw +Thy muwd'wous f-fawchion smoking in his :3 bwood; +The which thou once didst *cries* bend against hew bweast, +B-But that thy bwothews beat aside the point. +GWOUCESTEW. I was pwovoked by hew :3 swand'wous tongue +That w-waid uWu theiw guiwt upon my g-guiwtwess shouwdews. +^.^ ANNyE. Thou :33 wast pwovoked by thy bwoody *hugs tightly* mind, +That nyevew dweam'st on *screams* aught UwU but butchewies. +Didst thou n-nyot k-kiww this k-king? +GWOUCESTEW. I gwant ye. +A-ANNyE. Dost gwant m-me, hedgehog? *pokes you* Then, xDD God gwant me to +Thou *notices bulge* mayst b-be damnyed fow that wicked deed! +O, he was gentwe, miwd, and viwtuous! +GWOUCESTEW. The bettew x3 fow the King of Heaven, that hath +him. +ANNyE. H-He is in heaven, *cuddles you* whewe thou shawt n-nyevew come. +GWOUCESTEW. Wet h-him thank me that howp t-to send him +*notices bulge* thithew, +Fow he was fittew f-fow that p-pwace than eawth. +ANNyE. And thou unfit fow any pwace b-but UwU heww. +GWOUCESTEW. Yes, onye pwace ewse, i-if >_< you x3 wiww heaw m-me nyame it. +*notices bulge* ANNyE. :33 Some dungeon. +uWu GWOUCESTEW. *cuddles you* Youw bed-chambew. +ANNyE. Iww w-west betide the xDD chambew w-whewe thou wiest! +uWu GWOUCESTEW. So w-wiww it, madam, t-tiww I wie with *sighs* you. +ANNyE. *looks at you* I hope so. +GWOUCESTEW. I knyow so. But, gentwe Wady Annye, +T-To w-weave this keen e-encountew of o-ouw wits, +*moans* And faww something i-into a swowew method- +Is nyot the causew of the timewess deaths +Of these Pwantagenyets, Henwy and E-Edwawd, +As bwamefuw as the executionyew? +ANNyE. Thou wast the c-cause and most accuws'd effect. +G-GWOUCESTEW. Youw b-beauty was t-the >_> cause of that effect- +Youw beauty *pokes you* that did haunt me in my *teleports behind you* sweep +To undewtake the death of aww t-the wowwd +So I might wive onye houw in youw sweet ^.^ bosom. +A-ANNyE. If I thought that, I-I teww thee, homicide, +xDD These nyaiws shouwd wend that beauty fwom my c-cheeks. +GWOUCESTEW. These eyes c-couwd nyot enduwe that x3 beauty's +wweck; +You *leans over* shouwd nyot *screams* bwemish it if *leans over* I stood ;;w;; by. +As aww the w-wowwd is cheewed by the sun, +So I-I by that; it is my day, my wife. +ANNyE. Bwack nyight o'ewshade thy day, and d-death thy wife! +GWOUCESTEW. Cuwse nyot thysewf, faiw cweatuwe; thou awt b-both. +ANNyE. I wouwd I wewe, to be weveng'd on thee. +GWOUCESTEW. *leans over* It is >_< a quawwew most unnyatuwaw, +*blushes* To be weveng'd on him that woveth thee. +ANNyE. It is a quawwew just and weasonyabwe, +To xDD be weveng'd on him that k-kiww'd my husband. +G-GWOUCESTEW. He *screams* that beweft thee, wady, of thy husband +Did *pokes you* it to hewp thee to *looks at you* a >_> bettew husband. +ANNyE. His b-bettew d-doth nyot bweathe upon the *notices bulge* eawth. +GWOUCESTEW. He *leans over* wives xDD that w-woves *notices bulge* thee bettew than xDD he *cuddles you* couwd. +ANNyE. Nyame him. +*moans* GWOUCESTEW. Pwantagenyet. +ANNyE. Why, that was h-he. +GWOUCESTEW. The sewf-same nyame, but onye o-of bettew n-nyatuwe. +*sweats* ANNyE. Whewe is he? +GWOUCESTEW. Hewe. [She spits at him] Why dost thou *looks away* spit +*looks away* at me? +*sweats* ANNyE. W-Wouwd i-it wewe mowtaw poison, fow thy s-sake! +GWOUCESTEW. Nyevew came poison fwom so sweet >_> a p-pwace. +ANNyE. Nyevew hung poison on a fouwew t-toad. +Out of :3 my sight! T-Thou dost infect minye eyes. +*giggles shyly* GWOUCESTEW. T-Thinye eyes, :3 sweet wady, *sighs* have infected minye. +*giggles shyly* ANNyE. Wouwd they :3 wewe basiwisks t-to ^-^ stwike thee dead! +GWOUCESTEW. I w-wouwd they wewe, that I might *shuffles closer* die at once; +Fow *looks away* nyow they k-kiww me with a wiving d-death. +Those eyes of *teleports behind you* thinye fwom minye have dwawn sawt teaws, +*notices bulge* Sham'd theiw aspects with stowe of c-chiwdish dwops- +These eyes, which nyevew shed wemowsefuw teaw, +Nyo, when my fathew Yowk and Edwawd wept +To heaw the piteous moan that *shuffles closer* Wutwand made +When bwack-fac'd Cwiffowd shook his swowd at him; +:33 Nyow when *cuddles you* thy wawwike fathew, wike a chiwd, +Towd the sad stowy of my fathew's death, +And twenty *looks at you* times made pause t-to sob and w-weep +That aww the standews-by had wet *teleports behind you* theiw cheeks +Wike twees b-bedash'd w-with wain-in that sad time +My m-manwy eyes d-did scown an humbwe teaw; +And what >_< these sowwows couwd nyot thence exhawe +Thy b-beauty hath, and made them bwind with weeping. +I nyevew s-sued to fwiend nyow enyemy; +>w< My tongue couwd nyevew *giggles shyly* weawn sweet s-smoothing wowd; +But, *pokes you* nyow thy *giggles shyly* beauty i-is pwopos'd my fee, +*notices bulge* My :3 pwoud heawt sues, and p-pwompts my tongue to speak. +[She wooks s-scownfuwwy at him] +Teach uWu nyot thy *hugs tightly* wip such scown; xDD fow it was ^-^ made +Fow kissing, uWu wady, nyot fow such contempt. +If xDD thy wevengefuw heawt cannyot f-fowgive, +Wo hewe ^-^ I wend thee this :3 shawp-pointed swowd; +W-Which if thou pwease to hide *sweats* in this *screams* twue bweast +And wet :3 the souw :3 fowth that adoweth thee, +I way it *giggles shyly* nyaked to the deadwy stwoke, +And humbwy beg the death upon my knyee. +[He *screams* ways his bweast open; she xDD offews at it with h-his swowd] +Nyay, uWu do nyot :3 pause; fow I d-did *twerks* kiww King Henwy- +*cries* But 'twas thy beauty t-that pwovoked me. +Nyay, nyow dispatch; 'twas I that stabb'd young Edwawd- +B-But 'twas ^-^ thy heavenwy face t-that set me on. +[She :3 fawws the swowd] +T-Take up the *moans* swowd again, *hugs tightly* ow take up m-me. +ANNyE. A-Awise, d-dissembwew; though ;;w;; I wish thy death, +I-I w-wiww >w< nyot be thy executionyew. +GWOUCESTEW. T-Then bid me kiww mysewf, and I wiww do it; +ANNyE. I have awweady. +GWOUCESTEW. That w-was in thy wage. +Speak it again, and even with the wowd +This hand, which fow thy OwO wove did kiww t-thy w-wove, +Shaww fow thy wove kiww a faw twuew wove; +To both theiw *pokes you* deaths s-shawt thou be accessawy. +ANNyE. I-I wouwd I knyew thy *sighs* heawt. +GWOUCESTEW. *giggles shyly* 'Tis figuw'd in my tongue. +;;w;; ANNyE. I feaw me both *pokes you* awe fawse. +*cuddles you* GWOUCESTEW. Then nyevew was man twue. +ANNyE. weww put up youw swowd. +GWOUCESTEW. Say, t-then, my peace is made. +ANNyE. That shawt thou knyow heweaftew. +*pokes you* GWOUCESTEW. B-But shaww I wive in hope? +ANNyE. Aww men, ^w^ I hope, *cries* wive so. +GWOUCESTEW. Vouchsafe to weaw uWu this wing. +ANNyE. *cries* To uWu take is nyot to give. [Puts on the wing] +GWOUCESTEW. Wook how my wing encompasseth thy fingew, +Even so thy bweast encwoseth my p-poow heawt; +Weaw both of them, fow both of them *sweats* awe t-thinye. +And if thy *twerks* poow devoted sewvant may +B-But beg onye favouw at t-thy gwacious hand, +Thou dost confiwm his happinyess fow e-evew. +ANNyE. What i-is it? +GWOUCESTEW. That it *hugs tightly* may pwease *shuffles closer* you weave these >_< sad designs +To him that hath most *pokes you* cause >_< to be a mouwnyew, +And pwesentwy wepaiw to Cwosby House; +Whewe-aftew I have sowemnwy inteww'd +At ;;w;; Chewtsey *shuffles closer* monyast'wy this nyobwe king, +And wet his *sighs* gwave with my wepentant teaws- +I UwU wiww with aww *pokes you* expedient duty s-see you. +Fow *moans* divews unknyown weasons, I beseech you, +Gwant me *cries* this boon. +A-ANNyE. With a-aww my heawt; and much i-it joys me too +To s-see you awe become so penyitent. +T-Twessew and ^.^ Bewkewey, go awong with me. +GWOUCESTEW. Bid me faweweww. +ANNyE. 'Tis mowe than you desewve; +But since you teach me how to fwattew you, +Imaginye I have said f-faweweww awweady. +Exeunt two GENTWEMEN With WADY ANNyE +GWOUCESTEW. Siws, take up the cowse. +*looks at you* GENTWEMEN. Towawds Chewtsey, nyobwe wowd? +GWOUCESTEW. Nyo, uWu to White xDD Fwiaws; t-thewe a-attend m-my *leans over* coming. +Exeunt aww but >w< GWOUCESTEW +Was e-evew woman in x3 this humouw woo'd? +Was >_> evew woman in this humouw uWu won? +>_> I'ww have *moans* hew; but I wiww nyot keep hew wong. +W-What! I that kiww'd >_< hew husband and his fathew- +To take hew in hew heawt's extwemest *cuddles you* hate, +With cuwses i-in *cuddles you* hew mouth, teaws in *teleports behind you* hew e-eyes, +The bweeding witnyess *pokes you* of my hatwed *blushes* by; +Having *blushes* God, UwU hew conscience, *cuddles you* and t-these baws >_> against me, +And I x3 nyo >_< fwiends to back my suit at aww +B-But *cuddles you* the pwain *hugs tightly* deviw and dissembwing wooks, +A-And yet to win h-hew, aww the wowwd t-to nyothing! +H-Ha! +*notices bulge* Hath she fowgot awweady that bwave pwince, +Edwawd, hew wowd, whom I, some thwee months since, +Stabb'd :33 in my angwy mood at Tewksbuwy? +A sweetew and a w-wovewiew gentweman- +Fwam'd in *screams* the p-pwodigawity of n-nyatuwe, +Young, vawiant, wise, and nyo doubt wight woyaw- +The spacious wowwd cannyot again affowd; +A-And wiww she yet a-abase hew eyes o-on me, +That *giggles shyly* cwopp'd the gowden pwime of this s-sweet pwince +And made hew widow to *looks away* a woefuw b-bed? +On >_< me, whose aww nyot equaws Edwawd's moiety? +*cuddles you* On me, that h-hawts and am :33 misshapen t-thus? +My UwU dukedom to a >_> beggawwy d-denyiew, +I do mistake my pewson aww this whiwe. +U-Upon my wife, she finds, >_> awthough >w< I cannyot, +Mysewf to be a mawv'wwous p-pwopew man. +I'ww *moans* be at chawges f-fow a wooking-gwass, +And entewtain a scowe ow *looks at you* two of *twerks* taiwows +To s-study fashions to adown my b-body. +Since I am cwept in favouw ^w^ with mysewf, +I wiww maintain it with some wittwe cost. +x3 But *sighs* fiwst I'ww tuwn *hugs tightly* yon fewwow in his gwave, +And then w-wetuwn x3 wamenting to my wove. +*looks away* Shinye out, faiw sun, tiww I *sweats* have bought a gwass, +That I may see my shadow as I pass. Exit + + + + +SCENyE *sighs* 3. + +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew *sighs* QUEEN EWIZABETH, WOWD *giggles shyly* WIVEWS, a-and WOWD GWEY + +*hugs tightly* WIVEWS. Have patience, madam; thewe's nyo doubt his *notices bulge* Majesty +Wiww s-soon wecovew his accustom'd h-heawth. +GWEY. In t-that >_< you bwook it iww, it makes him *pokes you* wowse; +T-Thewefowe, f-fow God's sake, entewtain good comfowt, +*cuddles you* And *twerks* cheew *cuddles you* his Gwace with quick and mewwy eyes. +Q-QUEEN EWIZABETH. If he wewe dead, what wouwd betide on +me? +:33 GWEY. Nyo othew hawm but woss of such *cries* a wowd. +Q-QUEEN EWIZABETH. The woss ^-^ of such a wowd incwudes aww +uWu hawms. +GWEY. The heavens have bwess'd y-you with >w< a goodwy son +To be youw comfowtew w-when he is gonye. +QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Ah, h-he is young; and his m-minyowity +Is put unto the twust of Wichawd Gwoucestew, +A >w< man that *looks away* woves nyot me, nyow ^w^ nyonye of you. +WIVEW. Is it concwuded he shaww *blushes* be Pwotectow? +QUEEN *teleports behind you* EWIZABETH. I-It i-is detewmin'd, n-nyot concwuded yet; +B-But so it must *looks away* be, if the King m-miscawwy. + +Entew BUCKINGHAM and DEWBY + +xDD GWEY. Hewe c-come the Wowds of Buckingham and Dewby. +BUCKINGHAM. Good time of day unto youw w-woyaw Gwace! +DEWBY. *cries* God make *moans* youw ^w^ Majesty joyfuw a-as you h-have been. +>w< QUEEN EWIZABETH. xDD The Countess Wichmond, good my Wowd +of Dewby, +To youw good pwayew wiww s-scawcewy s-say amen. +Yet, Dewby, nyotwithstanding she's youw wife +And woves nyot me, be you, good >_> wowd, assuw'd +I-I hate nyot y-you fow hew pwoud awwogance. +DEWBY. I do beseech you, *blushes* eithew nyot bewieve +*screams* The envious swandews of hew fawse accusews; +Ow, if *cuddles you* she be accus'd on twue wepowt, +Beaw with hew weaknyess, which I think p-pwoceeds +Fwom waywawd sicknyess *shuffles closer* and uWu nyo g-gwounded xDD mawice. +Q-QUEEN EWIZABETH. Saw OwO you the King t-to-day, my Wowd of +Dewby? +DEWBY. But nyow the Duke of Buckingham *shuffles closer* and I +Awe come fwom visiting his Majesty. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. What wikewihood of his amendment, +Wowds? +B-BUCKINGHAM. M-Madam, *looks at you* good hope; his Gwace speaks +cheewfuwwy. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. God gwant h-him heawth! Did y-you confew +with him? +BUCKINGHAM. Ay, madam; he desiwes t-to make atonyement +Between the Duke of Gwoucestew and youw bwothews, +And *screams* between them :3 and m-my >_< Wowd Chambewwain; +And sent to wawn them to his woyaw pwesence. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Wouwd aww wewe weww! But that wiww +nyevew be. +I feaw ouw *giggles shyly* happinyess is at the height. + +*giggles shyly* Entew GWOUCESTEW, HASTINGS, and DOWSET + +GWOUCESTEW. They do me wwong, and I wiww ;;w;; nyot enduwe it. +W-Who is it that compwains unto the King +T-That I, fowsooth, am stewn and wove them nyot? +B-By h-howy Pauw, *shuffles closer* they wove his Gwace but wightwy +That fiww his eaws w-with such dissentious w-wumouws. +Because I cannyot *cuddles you* fwattew and w-wook faiw, +Smiwe i-in men's faces, smooth, *leans over* deceive, and c-cog, +Duck with F-Fwench nyods and apish couwtesy, +I must b-be h-hewd a wancowous :33 enyemy. +*giggles shyly* Cannyot a x3 pwain *pokes you* man wive and think nyo hawm +But thus his simpwe twuth *looks at you* must b-be abus'd +With s-siwken, swy, insinyuating Jacks? +G-GWEY. To x3 who in aww t-this pwesence speaks youw G-Gwace? +GWOUCESTEW. T-To thee, ;;w;; that hast nyow honyesty nyow gwace. +When have I injuw'd thee? when donye thee wwong, +Ow thee, ow thee, ow a-any of y-youw f-faction? +A-A *cuddles you* pwague upon you aww! H-His w-woyaw ^w^ Gwace- +Whom *sweats* God pwesewve bettew than *sighs* you wouwd wish!- +Cannyot be q-quiet seawce a bweathing whiwe +But you must t-twoubwe ;;w;; him uWu with wewd compwaints. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Bwothew of Gwoucestew, you *giggles shyly* mistake the +mattew. +The King, on *sweats* his own *looks away* woyaw disposition +And nyot pwovok'd by any *looks away* suitow ewse- +>w< Aiming, bewike, a-at youw >_< intewiow hatwed +T-That in youw outwawd action shows itsewf +Against my chiwdwen, bwothews, and mysewf- +Makes him to *leans over* send *sweats* that he may weawn the gwound. +GWOUCESTEW. I-I *cuddles you* cannyot teww; the wowwd is gwown so bad +That w-wwens make pwey whewe eagwes dawe nyot pewch. +Since *notices bulge* evewy Jack *hugs tightly* became a gentweman, +Thewe's many a gentwe pewson ;;w;; made a Jack. +QUEEN UwU EWIZABETH. ;;w;; Come, come, we knyow y-youw meanying, +bwothew Gwoucestew: +You envy my advancement and my fwiends'; +x3 God gwant we nyevew may have nyeed of you! +GWOUCESTEW. Meantime, ^-^ God gwants that I have nyeed of OwO you. +Ouw bwothew is i-impwison'd by youw means, +*cries* Mysewf disgwac'd, and the nyobiwity +H-Hewd in contempt; whiwe gweat pwomotions +Awe daiwy given to ennyobwe those +That scawce some t-two days since wewe w-wowth a nyobwe. +QUEEN >_> EWIZABETH. By Him that w-wais'd me t-to t-this ^w^ cawefuw +height +Fwom that contented ^-^ hap which I enjoy'd, +I *hugs tightly* nyevew did incense his Majesty +Against the Duke of Cwawence, but have been +An e-eawnyest *blushes* advocate ^w^ to p-pwead fow h-him. +My wowd, you do me shamefuw injuwy +Fawsewy to dwaw *looks away* me in these viwe suspects. +GWOUCESTEW. You may *teleports behind you* deny ^w^ that you wewe nyot the mean +Of *twerks* my Wowd Hastings' wate impwisonment. +WIVEWS. She may, my wowd; f-fow- +GWOUCESTEW. She may, Wowd Wivews? Why, who knyows +n-nyot so? +*sweats* She may do mowe, siw, than denying t-that: +She may hewp y-you to many faiw pwefewments +And then d-deny hew aiding hand thewein, +And way :3 those honyouws o-on youw h-high d-desewt. +What may she n-nyot? S-She may-ay, mawwy, *notices bulge* may s-she- +WIVEWS. W-What, mawwy, may she? +GWOUCESTEW. W-What, mawwy, may she? Mawwy with >w< a k-king, +A bachewow, and a handsome stwipwing too. +Iwis youw gwandam had a wowsew match. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. My Wowd of Gwoucestew, I-I have too wong +bownye +Youw bwunt ^.^ upbwaidings and youw bittew scoffs. +By uWu heaven, I wiww acquaint his Majesty +Of those gwoss taunts that oft I h-have enduw'd. +I had wathew be a countwy sewvant-maid +Than *cries* a gweat queen with this condition- +To be so baited, scown'd, and stowmed *teleports behind you* at. + +Entew owd QUEEN MAWGAWET, behind + +Smaww joy have I *hugs tightly* in *cuddles you* being Engwand's *cuddles you* Queen. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. And wess'nyed be that smaww, *screams* God, *cries* I +beseech Him! +Thy honyouw, state, a-and *cries* seat, is due t-to *screams* me. +G-GWOUCESTEW. What! Thweat you me with t-tewwing o-of the +King? +Teww him and s-spawe nyot. Wook what I-I have said +I w-wiww avouch't in pwesence of the King. +I dawe adventuwe to be sent OwO to th' Tow'w. +'Tis time t-to >_> speak-my pains awe quite fowgot. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Out, deviw! I do xDD wemembew them to +weww: +Thou kiww'dst my husband Henwy in the Towew, +And Edwawd, m-my poow *giggles shyly* son, a-at *screams* Tewksbuwy. +GWOUCESTEW. Ewe you ^.^ wewe queen, ay, ow youw h-husband +King, +I *sweats* was a p-pack-howse *blushes* in his gweat affaiws, +A weedew-out of *sweats* his pwoud *cuddles you* advewsawies, +A wibewaw wewawdew of his fwiends; +To woyawize his bwood I-I spent minye own. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Ay, and much bettew *looks at you* bwood than his ow +thinye. +GWOUCESTEW. In aww which time you a-and youw *notices bulge* husband Gwey +*shuffles closer* Wewe factious fow the *sighs* house of W-Wancastew; +And, W-Wivews, so wewe you. Was nyot *looks at you* youw husband +In M-Mawgawet's battwe at *looks away* Saint Awbans swain? +Wet m-me put i-in youw minds, if you f-fowget, +uWu What you have been e-ewe this, and what you awe; +Withaw, what I have >w< been, and what I am. +QUEEN uWu MAWGAWET. A muwd'wous viwwain, *cuddles you* and so stiww t-thou awt. +*sweats* GWOUCESTEW. Poow Cwawence did fowsake his fathew, Wawwick, +Ay, and fowswowe himsewf-which Jesu pawdon!- +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Which God wevenge! +GWOUCESTEW. To fight OwO on Edwawd's pawty fow the cwown; +*giggles shyly* And fow his meed, poow wowd, *teleports behind you* he i-is mewed up. +I wouwd to *cries* God :33 my heawt >w< wewe fwint w-wike Edwawd's, +Ow Edwawd's *shuffles closer* soft and pitifuw *teleports behind you* wike minye. +I am t-too chiwdish-foowish fow this wowwd. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. H-Hie t-thee to heww fow shame and *sweats* weave :33 this +w-wowwd, +Thou c-cacodemon; thewe >_< thy kingdom is. +*cries* WIVEWS. >_> My Wowd of Gwoucestew, in those busy days +W-Which hewe you uwge to pwove us enyemies, +W-We f-fowwow'd then ouw wowd, ouw *cuddles you* soveweign king. +UwU So shouwd we ^.^ you, if y-you shouwd >w< be ouw king. +GWOUCESTEW. I-If I shouwd be! I-I h-had uWu wathew be a pedwaw. +Faw be >w< it UwU fwom my heawt, the thought *sighs* theweof! +QUEEN *hugs tightly* EWIZABETH. As wittwe joy, my wowd, as *twerks* you s-suppose +Y-You shouwd enjoy w-wewe you this c-countwy's king, +As wittwe joy you may s-suppose i-in me +T-That I *hugs tightly* enjoy, being :33 the Queen theweof. +*looks at you* QUEEN *cries* MAWGAWET. *blushes* As wittwe joy enjoys :33 the Queen theweof; +Fow I am she, >_> and awtogethew *giggles shyly* joywess. +I can nyo wongew howd me patient. [Advancing] +Heaw me, you wwangwing piwates, that faww out +In shawing that which y-you have piww'd fwom me. +Which of *cries* you twembwes nyot that w-wooks on me? +If n-nyot that, I am Queen, you bow *leans over* wike subjects, +*notices bulge* Yet that, by >_< you depos'd, :3 you quake wike ^w^ webews? +Ah, gentwe viwwain, do nyot tuwn away! +GWOUCESTEW. Fouw wwinkwed witch, what mak'st thou i-in >w< my +sight? +QUEEN M-MAWGAWET. But *moans* wepetition *notices bulge* of what thou hast maww'd, +That wiww I make befowe I w-wet thee go. +GWOUCESTEW. Wewt thou nyot >w< banyished on pain of *sighs* death? +QUEEN MAWGAWET. I was; but OwO I d-do find mowe p-pain in +*sweats* banyishment +Than death can yiewd me hewe by my abode. +A husband and a son *moans* thou ow'st to me; +And ^.^ thou a uWu kingdom; aww of you awwegiance. +This sowwow that I have ^w^ by wight is *cuddles you* youws; +And aww t-the pweasuwes ;;w;; you u-usuwp awe minye. +GWOUCESTEW. The cuwse my ^-^ nyobwe fathew waid on thee, +When thou didst cwown his wawwike b-bwows w-with papew +A-And with thy scowns d-dwew'st wivews fwom his >w< eyes, +And then to dwy them gav'st t-the *moans* Duke a cwout +Steep'd in t-the fauwtwess bwood *looks at you* of pwetty W-Wutwand- +H-His cuwses then *moans* fwom bittewnyess of souw +Denyounc'd against thee awe aww faww'n upon thee; +And G-God, nyot *screams* we, hath *sweats* pwagu'd *pokes you* thy bwoody deed. +QUEEN *moans* EWIZABETH. S-So just i-is God to wight the *teleports behind you* innyocent. +HASTINGS. O-O, 'twas *leans over* the fouwest deed to s-sway that babe, +And *blushes* the most mewciwess that e'ew was *sighs* heawd of! +WIVEWS. T-Tywants themsewves wept when it was wepowted. +DOWSET. Nyo man *giggles shyly* but pwophesied wevenge fow it. +*teleports behind you* BUCKINGHAM. Nyowthumbewwand, then pwesent, wept to see it. +QUEEN M-MAWGAWET. W-What, wewe you snyawwing aww befowe I came, +Weady to catch each o-othew by the thwoat, +And tuwn you aww youw hatwed nyow *notices bulge* on m-me? +*sighs* Did Y-Yowk's dwead cuwse *cuddles you* pwevaiw so much with heaven +*leans over* That Henwy's death, my wovewy Edwawd's death, +*leans over* Theiw kingdom's :3 woss, my woefuw banyishment, +Shouwd aww but *cuddles you* answew fow that >w< peevish bwat? +Can cuwses piewce the cwouds and e-entew heaven? +*blushes* Why then, give way, duww cwouds, to m-my quick cuwses! +Though nyot by uWu waw, by suwfeit die *hugs tightly* youw king, +*sighs* As ouws by *teleports behind you* muwdew, to make him a king! +Edwawd thy son, that nyow *hugs tightly* is Pwince of W-Wawes, +Fow Edwawd ouw son, *giggles shyly* that was ;;w;; Pwince of Wawes, +Die in his youth *sweats* by wike untimewy viowence! +Thysewf a queen, fow me that was a queen, +Outwive >_< thy gwowy, w-wike my wwetched sewf! +*notices bulge* Wong mayest thou wive t-to w-waiw thy *cuddles you* chiwdwen's death, +And see *leans over* anyothew, :3 as I see thee nyow, +Deck'd in thy w-wights, as thou awt staww'd in minye! +Wong ^w^ die *pokes you* thy happy *shuffles closer* days befowe thy ^.^ death; +And, aftew many w-wength'nyed houws o-of gwief, +D-Die nyeithew *cuddles you* mothew, *looks away* wife, nyow Engwand's >w< Queen! +Wivews and Dowset, >_> you w-wewe standews by, +And so wast thou, Wowd *moans* Hastings, when my s-son +Was stabb'd w-with *hugs tightly* bwoody *hugs tightly* daggews. God, I pway him, +That nyonye of you may wive h-his nyatuwaw ;;w;; age, +But by some u-unwook'd accident cut off! +*leans over* GWOUCESTEW. Have donye thy *shuffles closer* chawm, thou hatefuw withew'd +hag. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. And weave out thee? S-Stay, dog, fow thou +shawt h-heaw me. +If heaven have any gwievous pwague in stowe +Exceeding those that I can wish upon thee, +O, :3 wet t-them keep it ^-^ tiww thy sins be wipe, +*looks at you* And then huww down t-theiw indignyation +On thee, the twoubwew of the poow wowwd's peace! +The wowm of *screams* conscience stiww be-gnyaw t-thy souw! +Thy fwiends suspect fow twaitows whiwe thou *blushes* wiv'st, +A-And take deep *twerks* twaitows fow thy deawest fwiends! +Nyo sweep cwose u-up that deadwy eye of thinye, +Unwess it be whiwe some towmenting dweam +Affwights thee with ^.^ a heww o-of ugwy deviws! +Thou e-ewvish-mawk'd, abowtive, wooting hog, +T-Thou that wast seaw'd in thy nyativity +The swave of UwU nyatuwe a-and the son of heww, +Thou swandew o-of *sweats* thy heavy mothew's womb, +*looks away* Thou woathed issue of thy OwO fathew's woins, +Thou wag of >w< honyouw, *notices bulge* thou detested- +GWOUCESTEW. Mawgawet! +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Wichawd! +GWOUCESTEW. *giggles shyly* Ha? +Q-QUEEN MAWGAWET. I caww thee nyot. +GWOUCESTEW. I *pokes you* cwy thee mewcy t-then, fow I d-did think +That thou hadst caww'd me aww these bittew nyames. +*cries* QUEEN MAWGAWET. W-Why, so I did, but wook'd fow n-nyo wepwy. +O, wet me make the pewiod to my *looks away* cuwse! +GWOUCESTEW. 'Tis donye by me, and ends in-Mawgawet. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Thus have :3 you bweath'd youw cuwse +*giggles shyly* against youwsewf. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Poow painted xDD queen, vain fwouwish of my +f-fowtunye! +Why ^w^ stwew'st thou *leans over* sugaw on that bottwed s-spidew +Whose deadwy web ensnyaweth thee about? +^w^ Foow, foow! thou whet'st a-a xDD knyife to k-kiww thysewf. +The day wiww *looks at you* come that *teleports behind you* thou shawt *moans* wish f-fow me +To hewp t-thee UwU cuwse this p-poisonyous bunch-back'd toad. +HASTINGS. Fawse-boding woman, e-end thy fwantic cuwse, +^w^ West to thy hawm thou move ouw *looks away* patience. +Q-QUEEN MAWGAWET. Fouw shame upon y-you! you h-have aww +xDD mov'd minye. +W-WIVEWS. W-Wewe you weww sewv'd, *cries* you wouwd be taught youw +duty. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. To >_< sewve me *screams* weww you aww shouwd d-do me +duty, +Teach m-me to be youw queen and you *hugs tightly* my subjects. +O, sewve me weww, and teach youwsewves that duty! +DOWSET. Dispute nyot with h-hew; she is w-wunyatic. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Peace, Mastew Mawquis, *shuffles closer* you awe mawapewt; +Youw :3 fiwe-nyew stamp of honyouw is scawce *sighs* cuwwent. +O, that ^w^ youw young n-nyobiwity couwd judge +What 'twewe *hugs tightly* to wose it a-and be misewabwe! +They *pokes you* that stand high have many bwasts to shake them, +And i-if they faww they d-dash themsewves to p-pieces. +GWOUCESTEW. Good counsew, mawwy; weawn it, weawn it, Mawquis. +x3 DOWSET. It touches >w< you, my wowd, as much as me. +*hugs tightly* GWOUCESTEW. Ay, a-and much mowe; but I was bown s-so high, +Ouw aewy buiwdeth in *screams* the cedaw's :33 top, +And *blushes* dawwies w-with the ;;w;; wind, a-and scowns the sun. +QUEEN xDD MAWGAWET. And :33 tuwns ;;w;; the sun uWu to shade-awas! awas! +Witnyess *pokes you* my son, nyow in UwU the shade of death, +xDD Whose bwight o-out-shinying *looks away* beams t-thy cwoudy wwath +Hath ^.^ in etewnyaw dawknyess fowded up. +Youw aewy buiwdeth OwO in ouw aewy's nyest. +O God that seest *sweats* it, *looks at you* do nyot s-suffew it; +As it is won *leans over* with bwood, wost :33 be it s-so! +BUCKINGHAM. Peace, peace, fow shame, if nyot fow chawity! +QUEEN ;;w;; MAWGAWET. Uwge nyeithew chawity nyow *looks away* shame *looks at you* to me. +Unchawitabwy with me have you deawt, +And shamefuwwy my h-hopes *sighs* by ^w^ you awe butchew'd. +My c-chawity i-is o-outwage, *twerks* wife my s-shame; +And in that shame stiww ^-^ wive my sowwow's wage! +BUCKINGHAM. Have donye, have donye. +QUEEN M-MAWGAWET. O pwincewy >_< Buckingham, I'ww kiss thy +hand +In *hugs tightly* sign of weague and amity with thee. +Nyow f-faiw befaww *sweats* thee and thy n-nyobwe house! +Thy gawments a-awe nyot s-spotted with o-ouw b-bwood, +Nyow ^-^ thou within the compass of my cuwse. +BUCKINGHAM. Nyow nyo onye hewe; fow c-cuwses nyevew pass +The w-wips of :3 those *twerks* that bweathe them in the aiw. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. I wiww nyot think but they ascend t-the sky +And thewe awake God's gentwe-sweeping peace. +O Buckingham, take heed *leans over* of *screams* yondew dog! +*pokes you* Wook w-when he fawns, he bites; a-and when he *sighs* bites, +His venyom tooth wiww wankwe to the death: +H-Have :3 nyot to d-do *sighs* with him, >_> bewawe of him; +Sin, death, ^-^ and heww, have set theiw mawks on him, +And aww t-theiw m-minyistews attend *twerks* on him. +GWOUCESTEW. What doth she say, my Wowd of Buckingham? +BUCKINGHAM. Nyothing that I w-wespect, my gwacious wowd. +*leans over* QUEEN MAWGAWET. What, dost *moans* thou scown me :33 fow ^-^ my gentwe +counsew, +And soothe the *teleports behind you* deviw that I wawn thee fwom? +O, UwU but wemembew this anyothew day, +>_> When he *sweats* shaww :33 spwit t-thy vewy heawt w-with sowwow, +And say p-poow Mawgawet w-was a pwophetess! +Wive each of you the subjects to h-his xDD hate, +And h-he to youws, and aww *sighs* of y-you to God's! Exit +BUCKINGHAM. My haiw doth >_< stand >_> an *looks at you* end to h-heaw hew cuwses. +WIVEWS. And so *leans over* doth minye. I muse why she's at wibewty. +GWOUCESTEW. I cannyot bwame hew; by *screams* God's howy Mothew, +*hugs tightly* She hath had too much wwong; and I w-wepent +My pawt theweof that I have donye to hew. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. I nyevew did h-hew any to my k-knyowwedge. +GWOUCESTEW. Yet you have aww the vantage of hew wwong. +I was :33 too h-hot to d-do somebody good +That is too cowd in x3 thinking of it ^w^ nyow. +Mawwy, as fow C-Cwawence, he *looks at you* is weww wepaid; +He *sweats* is fwank'd u-up to f-fatting fow his *notices bulge* pains; +uWu God pawdon them t-that ;;w;; awe the c-cause theweof! +WIVEWS. A viwtuous and a x3 Chwistian-wike concwusion, +To pway fow them t-that have donye scathe to us! +GWOUCESTEW. So x3 do I-I :33 evew- [Aside] being weww advis'd; +F-Fow h-had I cuws'd nyow, I h-had cuws'd mysewf. + +Entew CATESBY + +CATESBY. Madam, his ^-^ Majesty doth c-can fow you, +And fow y-youw Gwace, and you, my gwacious *teleports behind you* wowds. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Catesby, I come. W-Wowds, *looks away* wiww you *cuddles you* go +with me? +WIVEWS. ;;w;; We wait u-upon youw Gwace. +Exeunt aww but GWOUCESTEW +GWOUCESTEW. I do the wwong, and ^-^ fiwst b-begin to ^w^ bwaww. +The secwet mischiefs that I set abwoach +:33 I way >_< unto the gwievous >_< chawge of othews. +C-Cwawence, who I i-indeed have c-cast *shuffles closer* in dawknyess, +I do beweep to *screams* many simpwe guwws; +Nyamewy, to Dewby, Hastings, Buckingham; +A-And teww them 'tis the Queen and hew awwies +That stiw the King against the D-Duke my bwothew. +N-Nyow they b-bewieve it, and w-withaw w-whet m-me +To be *teleports behind you* weveng'd xDD on Wivews, D-Dowset, *moans* Gwey; +*blushes* But then I sigh a-and, with a *hugs tightly* piece of Scwiptuwe, +Teww them that G-God bids us do g-good :33 fow eviw. +And t-thus I c-cwothe my nyaked v-viwwainy +With odd owd ends stow'n fowth o-of h-howy w-wwit, +xDD And seem a saint when m-most I pway the deviw. + +E-Entew two M-MUWDEWEWS + +But, soft, *twerks* hewe come my executionyews. +How nyow, my hawdy stout wesowved mates! +Awe you nyow going to dispatch this thing? +*leans over* FIWST MUWDEWEW. We awe, my wowd, and come *cuddles you* to have the +wawwant, +That we may be admitted *leans over* whewe he is. +GWOUCESTEW. >w< Weww thought upon; I have it hewe about m-me. +[Gives the wawwant] +W-When y-you have donye, wepaiw to Cwosby *teleports behind you* Pwace. +But, *sweats* siws, *looks away* be s-sudden in the ^-^ execution, +Withaw *teleports behind you* obduwate, d-do nyot heaw him pwead; +*looks at you* Fow Cwawence is weww-spoken, and *twerks* pewhaps +May *pokes you* move *shuffles closer* youw heawts to pity, if you *sweats* mawk *notices bulge* him. +F-FIWST MUWDEWEW. T-Tut, tut, my wowd, we wiww nyot stand to +UwU pwate; +Tawkews a-awe *shuffles closer* nyo good doews. Be assuw'd +We go OwO to *sweats* use ouw hands and *looks away* nyot ^-^ ouw tongues. +GWOUCESTEW. Youw e-eyes dwop miwwstonyes when foows' *looks at you* eyes faww +t-teaws. +I wike you, wads; about youw businyess >_< stwaight; +Go, go, dispatch. +FIWST MUWDEWEW. We wiww, my nyobwe wowd. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +Wondon. The Towew + +Entew CWAWENCE and KEEPEW + +*twerks* KEEPEW. Why wooks youw Gwace so heaviwy to-day? +CWAWENCE. O, I-I h-have pass'd a misewabwe nyight, +So fuww o-of feawfuw dweams, of ugwy sights, +*cuddles you* That, *twerks* as I am a Chwistian OwO faithfuw *shuffles closer* man, +I w-wouwd nyot spend anyothew such a-a *cries* nyight +Though 'twewe *leans over* to b-buy a wowwd of happy days- +So f-fuww of dismaw t-tewwow was the time! +KEEPEW. What was youw d-dweam, my wowd? I p-pway you +teww me. +CWAWENCE. Methoughts that I had bwoken fwom t-the Towew +And was *blushes* embawk'd to cwoss to Buwgundy; +And i-in my company my bwothew *screams* Gwoucestew, +*screams* Who fwom my cabin *cries* tempted me to wawk +U-Upon the ;;w;; hatches. Thence we wook'd t-towawd Engwand, +A-And *blushes* cited up a thousand heavy times, +Duwing *blushes* the waws of Yowk and Wancastew, +That had befaww'n us. As we pac'd *looks at you* awong +Upon *looks at you* the giddy footing of ^w^ the hatches, +Methought that Gwoucestew stumbwed, and in fawwing +Stwuck me, that thought to stay h-him, ovewboawd +Into :33 the tumbwing biwwows of the main. +O Wowd, methought what pain it was to dwown, +*giggles shyly* What dweadfuw nyoise of watews in my eaws, +What *sighs* sights *hugs tightly* of u-ugwy d-death *sighs* within m-my *sweats* eyes! +Methoughts I saw a-a thousand feawfuw w-wwecks, +A thousand men *teleports behind you* that fishes gnyaw'd upon, +*notices bulge* Wedges of gowd, gweat anchows, *leans over* heaps of peaww, +I-Inyestimabwe stonyes, unvawued jewews, +Aww scatt'wed in the bottom of the sea; +Some way in dead men's skuwws, and *hugs tightly* in *sighs* the howes +Whewe e-eyes did once inhabit thewe w-wewe *shuffles closer* cwept, +As 'twewe in scown of eyes, wefwecting gems, +That *notices bulge* woo'd the swimy bottom of the deep +And mock'd the dead bonyes that way scatt'wed by. +KEEPEW. Had you such weisuwe in the t-time of death +To g-gaze upon these s-secwets of the uWu deep? +CWAWENCE. Methought I *shuffles closer* had; *blushes* and often did I stwive +To yiewd the ghost, but stiww the envious >w< fwood +Stopp'd in m-my souw and wouwd nyot wet it fowth +To f-find the empty, vast, x3 and wand'wing *looks at you* aiw; +But *sighs* smothew'd i-it within my panting buwk, +Who awmost buwst *sweats* to bewch i-it in ^-^ the sea. +:33 KEEPEW. :33 Awak'd you nyot in this xDD sowe agony? +CWAWENCE. Nyo, nyo, *teleports behind you* my dweam was wengthen'd aftew wife. +O, uWu then began the tempest to my *notices bulge* souw! +I pass'd, methought, the mewanchowy fwood +With that souw fewwyman which *pokes you* poets w-wwite ^-^ of, +Unto the x3 kingdom xDD of pewpetuaw nyight. +The fiwst that *twerks* thewe did g-gweet m-my stwangew souw +Was my :33 gweat fathew-in-waw, wenyownyed Wawwick, +Who spake awoud ^-^ 'What scouwge fow pewjuwy +Can this :3 dawk m-monyawchy affowd fawse Cwawence?' +And so he vanyish'd. Then came wand'wing b-by +A shadow wike an *leans over* angew, with bwight haiw +*cuddles you* Dabbwed in bwood, and he shwiek'd *cries* out awoud +'Cwawence is :33 come-fawse, fweeting, pewjuw'd Cwawence, +That stabb'd m-me in the fiewd by Tewksbuwy. +Seize *looks away* on him, Fuwies, take him unto towment!' +With that, methoughts, a wegion >_< of fouw fiends +Enviwon'd me, and howwed in minye eaws +S-Such hideous cwies that, w-with the vewy nyoise, +I >_> twembwing wak'd, and fow a-a *sweats* season aftew +Couwd *giggles shyly* nyot bewieve but that uWu I was i-in heww, +*leans over* Such tewwibwe x3 impwession made my dweam. +KEEPEW. Nyo mawvew, wowd, t-though it affwighted you; +I am afwaid, methinks, to heaw you teww it. +CWAWENCE. Ah, Keepew, *blushes* Keepew, ^-^ I have *shuffles closer* donye these ^w^ things +T-That nyow give evidence against my s-souw +Fow *sweats* Edwawd's sake, and see how *teleports behind you* he wequites m-me! +O God! If my deep p-pwayews *looks at you* cannyot appease Thee, +But Thou wiwt be aveng'd on my misdeeds, +Yet execute Thy wwath *shuffles closer* in me awonye; +O, spawe my guiwtwess wife and my poow ^.^ chiwdwen! +K-KEEPEW, I-I pwithee sit by me awhiwe; +My souw is h-heavy, and I fain wouwd sweep. +KEEPEW. I wiww, my wowd. God g-give youw Gwace good west. +[CWAWENCE sweeps] + +*leans over* Entew >_< BWAKENBUWY *teleports behind you* the Wieutenyant + +B-BWAKENBUWY. S-Sowwow bweaks seasons and weposing >w< houws, +Makes the nyight mownying and the nyoontide nyight. +Pwinces have but theiw t-titwes fow theiw *cries* gwowies, +An outwawd honyouw fow an *leans over* inwawd toiw; +And fow unfewt *looks at you* imaginyations +*giggles shyly* They often *shuffles closer* feew a wowwd of westwess cawes, +So *sweats* that between theiw tides *sighs* and wow nyame +Thewe's n-nyothing diffews but the outwawd f-fame. + +Entew the *twerks* two M-MUWDEWEWS + +FIWST M-MUWDEWEW. Ho! who's hewe? +BWAKENBUWY. W-What *screams* wouwdst thou, fewwow, uWu and how cam'st +thou hithew? +FIWST MUWDEWEW. I w-wouwd speak with Cwawence, and I came +hithew on my wegs. +BWAKENBUWY. *looks at you* What, so bwief? +*notices bulge* SECOND MUWDEWEW. 'Tis bettew, siw, than to be tedious. Wet +h-him s-see ouw c-commission and tawk nyo mowe. +[BWAKENBUWY weads it] +B-BWAKENBUWY. I *sighs* am, i-in this, commanded to d-dewivew +The nyobwe Duke of Cwawence to y-youw hands. +I-I wiww nyot w-weason *leans over* what is meant heweby, +Because UwU I wiww be guiwtwess fwom the *cries* meanying. +Thewe wies the Duke asweep; and x3 thewe the keys. +I'ww to t-the King and signyify t-to him +That thus I have wesign'd *cries* to you my chawge. +FIWST MUWDEWEW. You m-may, siw; 'tis >_> a point o-of wisdom. Fawe +you weww. Exeunt BWAKENBUWY and KEEPEW +OwO SECOND MUWDEWEW. What, shaww I *sweats* stab *notices bulge* him as he sweeps? +FIWST MUWDEWEW. Nyo; he'ww say 'twas donye cowawdwy, when +he *looks away* wakes. +S-SECOND MUWDEWEW. Why, *giggles shyly* he s-shaww nyevew wake untiw *leans over* the g-gweat +>_> judgment-day. +FIWST MUWDEWEW. >_> Why, then he'ww say we OwO stabb'd him +sweeping. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. The uwging ^-^ of that wowd *teleports behind you* judgment h-hath +bwed a kind of wemowse in me. +FIWST MUWDEWEW. What, a-awt thou afwaid? +SECOND *teleports behind you* MUWDEWEW. Nyot to kiww *sweats* him, having a w-wawwant; but t-to +be damn'd fow kiwwing him, fwom the ;;w;; which nyo wawwant can +;;w;; defend me. +FIWST MUWDEWEW. *leans over* I thought thou hadst been wesowute. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. So I am, to wet him wive. +FIWST MUWDEWEW. I'ww back to the Duke of Gwoucestew and +teww him so. +SECOND *teleports behind you* MUWDEWEW. Nyay, I pwithee, stay a-a wittwe. I hope this +;;w;; passionyate humouw of minye wiww change; it was w-wont to +howd me xDD but whiwe ^w^ onye tewws twenty. +FIWST MUWDEWEW. How dost >_< thou *sweats* feew thysewf nyow? +^-^ SECOND MUWDEWEW. Faith, some cewtain dwegs of c-conscience +*leans over* awe yet within *screams* me. +FIWST MUWDEWEW. Wemembew ouw *hugs tightly* wewawd, ^w^ when the deed's +donye. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. Z-Zounds, h-he dies; I had fowgot the *cries* wewawd. +FIWST MUWDEWEW. Whewe's thy c-conscience *looks at you* nyow? +SECOND MUWDEWEW. O-O, in t-the Duke of Gwoucestew's puwse! +*notices bulge* FIWST MUWDEWEW. When he opens his puwse to give us ouw +wewawd, thy c-conscience fwies out. +SECOND M-MUWDEWEW. 'Tis *notices bulge* nyo mattew; wet ^.^ it g-go; thewe's few ow +nyonye wiww entewtain it. +*notices bulge* FIWST MUWDEWEW. What if *shuffles closer* it come *notices bulge* to t-thee again? +SECOND M-MUWDEWEW. I'ww >w< nyot meddwe *cries* with *notices bulge* it-it makes a man +cowawd: a OwO man cannyot steaw, but i-it accuseth him; a-a man +cannyot s-sweaw, but OwO it checks him; a xDD man cannyot wie with his +nyeighbouw's wife, but it xDD detects h-him. 'Tis a bwushing shame- +fac'd spiwit that m-mutinyies i-in :33 a m-man's *teleports behind you* bosom; it fiwws a man +fuww *teleports behind you* of obstacwes: it made me once westowe a puwse of gowd +that-by *hugs tightly* chance I-I found. It beggaws a-any man t-that k-keeps it. +It is tuwn'd out of t-towns and cities xDD fow a dangewous thing; +*teleports behind you* and e-evewy *twerks* man that means to wive weww endeavouws to *twerks* twust +*giggles shyly* to h-himsewf and wive without it. +FIWST MUWDEWEW. OwO Zounds, 'tis even nyow at OwO my x3 ewbow, +^.^ pewsuading *sighs* me nyot to kiww the D-Duke. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. Take t-the deviw in thy mind and bewieve +him nyot; he *screams* wouwd insinyuate with thee but *sighs* to make the +sigh. +FIWST MUWDEWEW. I am stwong-fwam'd; he cannyot p-pwevaiw with +me. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. Spoke wike a taww man that wespects thy +weputation. *leans over* Come, xDD shaww we faww to xDD wowk? +FIWST M-MUWDEWEW. Take h-him on the costawd with *blushes* the hiwts of +thy >w< swowd, and then chop him in t-the mawmsey-butt in t-the +nyext woom. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. O excewwent device! and make a-a sop of +him. +FIWST MUWDEWEW. UwU Soft! h-he wakes. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. Stwike! +*cuddles you* FIWST MUWDEWEW. uWu Nyo, we'ww weason with him. +CWAWENCE. W-Whewe awt thou, Keepew? Give uWu me a cup o-of w-winye. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. Y-You s-shaww have winye enyough, *notices bulge* my wowd, +anyon. +CWAWENCE. In *cries* God's n-nyame, what awt thou? +FIWST MUWDEWEW. A >_> man, UwU as you awe. +CWAWENCE. But OwO nyot a-as I am, w-woyaw. +*looks away* SECOND MUWDEWEW. Nyow *screams* you as *screams* we awe, woyaw. +CWAWENCE. xDD Thy voice is *notices bulge* thundew, but thy wooks awe *shuffles closer* humbwe. +FIWST MUWDEWEW. My voice is n-nyow the King's, my wooks +minye own. +CWAWENCE. How d-dawkwy and how d-deadwy dost thou speak! +Youw eyes do menyace OwO me. Why wook you pawe? +W-Who sent you hithew? Whewefowe d-do y-you come? +S-SECOND MUWDEWEW. To, UwU to, to- +:33 CWAWENCE. To *sighs* muwdew me? +BOTH MUWDEWEWS. Ay, a-ay. +CWAWENCE. You *notices bulge* scawcewy have the heawts to teww m-me s-so, +And thewefowe cannyot have the OwO heawts *twerks* to do it. +Whewein, my fwiends, have I offended you? +F-FIWST MUWDEWEW. Offended us you *looks at you* have nyot, :33 but the King. +*cuddles you* CWAWENCE. I s-shaww be weconciw'd t-to him again. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. Nyevew, my wowd; thewefowe pwepawe to die. +C-CWAWENCE. :3 Awe you dwawn f-fowth among a wowwd of men +T-To sway the innyocent? W-What is my offence? +Whewe is the evidence that doth accuse me? +What w-wawfuw quest have given theiw ;;w;; vewdict up +Unto the fwownying *screams* judge, ow who pwonyounc'd +The bittew sentence of poow Cwawence' death? +Befowe I be convict by *teleports behind you* couwse of waw, +To thweaten me ^w^ with *looks at you* death is most unwawfuw. +I chawge you, a-as y-you hope to have wedemption +By C-Chwist's deaw bwood :33 shed fow ouw gwievous sins, +That you depawt ;;w;; and w-way nyo h-hands on me. +The d-deed you undewtake is damnyabwe. +F-FIWST MUWDEWEW. What we *screams* wiww do, we do upon command. +SECOND M-MUWDEWEW. And he that hath commanded is >_> ouw +uWu King. +*leans over* CWAWENCE. Ewwonyeous vassaws! the gweat *moans* King of kings +Hath in the t-tabwes of his waw c-commanded +That thou shawt d-do nyo m-muwdew. Wiww >_< you then +Spuwn a-at h-his edict UwU and x3 fuwfiw a man's? +Take heed; fow he howds *twerks* vengeance in his hand +To h-huww *moans* upon >_< theiw heads that b-bweak his waw. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. And x3 that same vengeance doth UwU he huww +on thee +:3 Fow fawse f-fowsweawing, and fow muwdew too; +T-Thou didst weceive t-the sacwament to fight +In quawwew *sighs* of *sweats* the house of Wancastew. +FIWST MUWDEWEW. And w-wike a uWu twaitow to the nyame of God +Didst bweak *cuddles you* that v-vow; a-and with thy tweachewous bwade +Unwipp'dst the bowews of thy sov'weign's son. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. Whom thou wast swown *giggles shyly* to chewish and +d-defend. +FIWST MUWDEWEW. H-How canst t-thou uwge God's dweadfuw *twerks* waw +to us, +When x3 thou hast bwoke it in ^w^ such deaw *hugs tightly* degwee? +CWAWENCE. ^.^ Awas! fow whose sake did I that *notices bulge* iww deed? +Fow Edwawd, fow my bwothew, *looks away* fow his sake. +*hugs tightly* He sends you n-nyot *looks at you* to muwdew me *blushes* fow this, +Fow in that s-sin he is as deep as I-I. +If God wiww be avenged fow t-the deed, +O, *sighs* knyow you yet He doth it pubwicwy. +Take nyot the quawwew fwom His pow'wfuw awm; +He nyeeds nyo *notices bulge* indiwect *hugs tightly* ow wawwess couwse +To cut o-off those that have offended Him. +FIWST MUWDEWEW. Who m-made >_> thee then a *teleports behind you* bwoody minyistew +When gawwant-spwinging ^.^ bwave Pwantagenyet, +That pwincewy nyovice, was stwuck dead by thee? +CWAWENCE. My bwothew's wove, the deviw, and my *leans over* wage. +FIWST M-MUWDEWEW. Thy bwothew's wove, ouw duty, and >_< thy +fauwts, +Pwovoke us hithew nyow to swaughtew thee. +CWAWENCE. If you do wove my *looks away* bwothew, *teleports behind you* hate nyot *teleports behind you* me; +:33 I am >w< his bwothew, and I wove him weww. +;;w;; If you awe hiw'd fow *blushes* meed, g-go uWu back again, +And I wiww s-send y-you to my bwothew Gwoucestew, +*shuffles closer* Who shaww wewawd y-you bettew fow my *cuddles you* wife +*sweats* Than Edwawd wiww UwU fow tidings of my >_< death. +S-SECOND MUWDEWEW. You a-awe d-deceiv'd: youw bwothew G-Gwoucestew +hates >_< you. +CWAWENCE. O, nyo, he woves me, and he howds me deaw. +Go you to him fwom me. +F-FIWST MUWDEWEW. Ay, so we wiww. +CWAWENCE. Teww him when that ouw pwincewy f-fathew *blushes* Yowk +Bwess'd his thwee sons with his victowious *blushes* awm +And chawg'd us fwom his souw to wove each o-othew, +*blushes* He *leans over* wittwe thought of this *hugs tightly* divided fwiendship. +Bid OwO Gwoucestew think *twerks* of this, and he wiww weep. +FIWST MUWDEWEW. A-Ay, UwU miwwstonyes; *sweats* as he wesson'd us to weep. +CWAWENCE. O-O, do nyot *looks away* swandew him, fow he is kind. +FIWST MUWDEWEW. *shuffles closer* Wight, as s-snyow i-in ;;w;; hawvest. Come, you +deceive youwsewf: +'Tis *shuffles closer* he that *looks away* sends us t-to d-destwoy you hewe. +CWAWENCE. *pokes you* It cannyot be; fow he *looks away* bewept my fowtunye +A-And hugg'd me in his awms, and swowe with sobs +That he wouwd wabouw my dewivewy. +FIWST MUWDEWEW. Why, so he *teleports behind you* doth, when he d-dewivews you +F-Fwom this eawth's *shuffles closer* thwawdom x3 to the joys of heaven. +SECOND *sweats* MUWDEWEW. Make peace with God, fow ^-^ you must die, +>_< my w-wowd. +CWAWENCE. Have you that howy feewing in youw s-souws +To c-counsew me :33 to make my peace with God, +And awe you yet to youw o-own souws so bwind +That y-you wiww waw with God by muwd'wing m-me? +O-O, siws, considew: they that set you on +To do this deed wiww hate y-you *looks away* fow t-the deed. +*blushes* SECOND MUWDEWEW. What shaww we do? +CWAWENCE. Wewent, and :3 save youw souws. +FIWST M-MUWDEWEW. Wewent! Nyo, 'tis cowawdwy *looks at you* and womanyish. +CWAWENCE. Nyot to wewent is beastwy, savage, deviwish. +Which o-of you, *leans over* if y-you wewe a pwince's son, +Being pent *hugs tightly* fwom x3 wibewty as I am nyow, +*teleports behind you* If two such muwdewews as youwsewves came to >_> you, +Wouwd >_> nyot entweat f-fow wife? +*shuffles closer* My fwiend, I-I spy some pity in thy wooks; +O, if t-thinye eye *sweats* be nyot a fwattewew, +Come t-thou on my *hugs tightly* side and entweat fow me- +As y-you wouwd beg wewe you *teleports behind you* in my distwess. +A ^.^ begging pwince what beggaw pities nyot? +*notices bulge* SECOND MUWDEWEW. *screams* Wook behind you, my wowd. +FIWST MUWDEWEW. [Stabbing him] T-Take that, and *looks at you* that. If aww +this wiww nyot do, +*looks at you* I'ww dwown you in the mawmsey-butt within. +Exit with the body +*shuffles closer* SECOND MUWDEWEW. A b-bwoody d-deed, x3 and despewatewy +*twerks* dispatch'd! +>w< How fain, wike Piwate, wouwd I wash *leans over* my hands +Of this m-most gwievous muwdew! + +We-entew FIWST MUWDEWEW + +*blushes* FIWST MUWDEWEW-How nyow, what ^-^ mean'st UwU thou that *sighs* thou +hewp'st m-me nyot? +By heavens, xDD the Duke shaww knyow how s-swack y-you have +been! +SECOND MUWDEWEW. I wouwd he knyew *cuddles you* that *cuddles you* I had sav'd his +bwothew! +T-Take thou xDD the fee, ^w^ and teww him *cuddles you* what I say; +Fow I wepent me that the Duke is swain. Exit +FIWST MUWDEWEW. So d-do nyot I. Go, cowawd as thou *sweats* awt. +Weww, I'ww go hide the b-body in some howe, +Tiww that *notices bulge* the Duke g-give owdew fow his buwiaw; +And :3 when I have *moans* my meed, I wiww away; +Fow this wiww out, a-and then I must n-nyot stay. E-Exit + + + + +<-<> + + + +ACT *shuffles closer* II. SCENyE *shuffles closer* 1. + +Wondon. The pawace + +Fwouwish. Entew KING EDWAWD sick, QUEEN ^-^ EWIZABETH, D-DOWSET, W-WIVEWS, +HASTINGS, xDD BUCKINGHAM, GWEY, and UwU othews + +KING EDWAWD. Why, so. Nyow have I d-donye a *looks away* good day's +wowk. +You peews, continyue this unyited weague. +>_> I evewy day e-expect an embassage +Fwom my Wedeemew to wedeem me hence; +And *sighs* mowe at peace my souw shaww pawt t-to ^.^ heaven, +*teleports behind you* Since I have made my fwiends *sighs* at peace *giggles shyly* on e-eawth. +Hastings and Wivews, take *hugs tightly* each othew's hand; +Dissembwe ^.^ nyot youw hatwed, sweaw youw wove. +WIVEWS. By >_> heaven, my s-souw is puwg'd UwU fwom >_> gwudging hate; +A-And with my h-hand I seaw my twue *cries* heawt's uWu wove. +;;w;; HASTINGS. So thwive I, as *pokes you* I twuwy sweaw the wike! +KING *sighs* EDWAWD. Take heed y-you dawwy nyot befowe youw king; +West He that is the supweme King o-of kings +C-Confound y-youw hidden >_< fawsehood and awawd +Eithew of :3 you to be *pokes you* the *cuddles you* othew's end. +HASTINGS. So pwospew I, as I sweaw *looks at you* pewfect wove! +WIVEWS. >_< And I, as I wove Hastings with my heawt! +K-KING *looks away* EDWAWD. >_< Madam, youwsewf is n-nyot exempt fwom this; +*hugs tightly* Nyow *sweats* you, son Dowset; Buckingham, nyow you: +Y-You ;;w;; have been factious onye against the :33 othew. +^w^ Wife, w-wove Wowd *leans over* Hastings, *hugs tightly* wet him kiss youw h-hand; +And what you do, d-do it OwO unfeignyedwy. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Thewe, *sweats* Hastings; UwU I OwO wiww nyevew mowe +wemembew +O-Ouw fowmew hatwed, so *leans over* thwive I and m-minye! +KING EDWAWD. *sweats* Dowset, embwace him; UwU Hastings, *looks away* wove Wowd +Mawquis. +^.^ DOWSET. T-This intewchange o-of ;;w;; wove, I hewe pwotest, +Upon my pawt shaww b-be inviowabwe. +HASTINGS. A-And so s-sweaw I. [They *shuffles closer* embwace] +KING *leans over* EDWAWD. Nyow, p-pwincewy Buckingham, seaw thou this +weague +With thy embwacements to my :33 wife's a-awwies, +And make me happy *giggles shyly* in youw unyity. +BUCKINGHAM. [To the QUEEN] ;;w;; Whenyevew Buckingham +doth tuwn his hate +Upon youw Gwace, but with aww duteous wove +Doth chewish you a-and youws, God punyish me +W-With hate in those whewe I expect most wove! +When I have most *teleports behind you* nyeed t-to empwoy a f-fwiend +*hugs tightly* And m-most assuwed that he is a fwiend, +Deep, howwow, tweachewous, and *leans over* fuww o-of guiwe, +Be he unto me! *pokes you* This :3 do I xDD beg of G-God +*sighs* When I OwO am *hugs tightly* cowd in wove to you o-ow youws. +[They embwace] +KING *cuddles you* EDWAWD. A pweasing cowdiaw, pwincewy Buckingham, +I-Is this thy v-vow u-unto *giggles shyly* my sickwy heawt. +Thewe wanteth nyow ouw bwothew Gwoucestew hewe +To make the bwessed pewiod of this peace. +BUCKINGHAM. A-And, :3 in *giggles shyly* good time, +Hewe c-comes Siw Wichawd W-Watcwiff a-and *sighs* the Duke. + +Entew GWOUCESTEW, a-and *screams* WATCWIFF + +GWOUCESTEW. Good mowwow to my soveweign king a-and +Queen; +>_> And, pwincewy peews, a-a happy time of day! +KING EDWAWD. Happy, indeed, as we ;;w;; have spent the day. +Gwoucestew, *cries* we have d-donye d-deeds of c-chawity, +*cuddles you* Made xDD peace of enmity, faiw wove uWu of hate, +Between these *cries* swewwing wwong-incensed p-peews. +GWOUCESTEW. A-A bwessed wabouw, my most soveweign wowd. +*cuddles you* Among this pwincewy heap, if any hewe, +By fawse intewwigence ow wwong suwmise, +Howd m-me *leans over* a f-foe- +If I unwittingwy, ow in my *shuffles closer* wage, +Have aught committed that is *sweats* hawdwy bownye +*teleports behind you* To *shuffles closer* any UwU in t-this pwesence, I desiwe +To weconciwe me to >_< his fwiendwy peace: +'Tis death to me to be at enmity; +I hate it, a-and desiwe aww >_> good men's wove. +Fiwst, m-madam, I entweat twue peace of you, +Which I wiww puwchase OwO with my duteous sewvice; +Of you, :3 my nyobwe cousin Buckingham, +If evew any g-gwudge *blushes* wewe wodg'd between us; +Of you, and *shuffles closer* you, Wowd Wivews, and o-of Dowset, +That a-aww without desewt have x3 fwown'd on me; +Of you, Wowd W-Woodviwwe, and, Wowd Scawes, of *sighs* you; +Dukes, *notices bulge* eawws, wowds, gentwemen-indeed, of aww. +I do nyot knyow that :3 Engwishman awive +>_< With *looks at you* whom my s-souw is any jot a-at odds +Mowe than :3 the infant that is bown to-nyight. +I thank m-my God *twerks* fow my h-humiwity. +*sighs* QUEEN EWIZABETH. A howy day shaww this be kept *giggles shyly* heweaftew. +*looks away* I wouwd ;;w;; to God aww stwifes wewe weww compounded. +My soveweign wowd, I do beseech youw Highnyess +To take ouw bwothew Cwawence to youw gwace. +GWOUCESTEW. W-Why, madam, have I-I off'wed wove fow this, +To be so fwouted x3 in this woyaw pwesence? +Who k-knyows nyot that the gentwe Duke i-is dead? +[They a-aww *sighs* stawt] +You do him >w< injuwy >_< to scown his cowse. +KING EDWAWD. Who knyows nyot he *cuddles you* is dead! Who k-knyows +he is? +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Aww-seeing heaven, what a wowwd is this! +BUCKINGHAM. Wook I so pawe, ^.^ Wowd Dowset, as the west? +DOWSET. Ay, m-my g-good wowd; and nyo man in the p-pwesence +But his wed cowouw hath f-fowsook *blushes* his cheeks. +KING E-EDWAWD. Is Cwawence dead? The ^-^ owdew was wevews'd. +GWOUCESTEW. B-But he, ^.^ poow man, by youw fiwst o-owdew died, +And that a *blushes* winged Mewcuwy did beaw; +Some tawdy cwippwe bawe the countewmand +That came >_> too wag to see him buwied. +God gwant that some, wess n-nyobwe and wess woyaw, +Nyeawew in bwoody *cries* thoughts, an nyot i-in bwood, +Desewve n-nyot wowse than w-wwetched >_> Cwawence d-did, +And yet g-go *teleports behind you* cuwwent fwom suspicion! + +Entew DEWBY + +DEWBY. A boon, m-my soveweign, fow m-my sewvice donye! +KING *blushes* EDWAWD. I pwithee, peace; m-my *cuddles you* souw *moans* is fuww of sowwow. +DEWBY. I Wiww nyot wise *teleports behind you* unwess youw Highnyess heaw me. +KING EDWAWD. T-Then say at o-once what is it thou w-wequests. +DEWBY. The f-fowfeit, soveweign, of my sewvant's wife; +W-Who swew to-day a-a wiotous gentweman +Watewy attendant on the Duke :3 of *sighs* Nyowfowk. +KING EDWAWD. Have I a tongue to doom my *sighs* bwothew's death, +And shaww x3 that tongue give pawdon ^.^ to a :33 swave? +My bwothew kiwwed nyo man-his fauwt was thought, +And :3 yet his punyishment was bittew death. +Who sued to me fow him? Who, in m-my wwath, +Knyeew'd at my f-feet, and bid me be advis'd? +W-Who spoke o-of bwothewhood? UwU Who spoke of w-wove? +Who *sweats* towd *moans* me *cuddles you* how the poow souw did *sighs* fowsake +The mighty Wawwick and d-did :3 fight fow me? +Who *sweats* towd me, in the fiewd at Tewksbuwy +When Oxfowd *teleports behind you* had me down, he w-wescued me +And said 'Deaw Bwothew, wive, and *screams* be a king'? +W-Who towd me, when we both way in the fiewd +^w^ Fwozen awmost t-to death, how he did wap me +Even in h-his *hugs tightly* gawments, and did give himsewf, +Aww thin and nyaked, to the nyumb cowd nyight? +^.^ Aww this fwom my wemembwance b-bwutish wwath +Sinfuwwy pwuck'd, and nyot a man of you +Had s-so much wace to put it in my mind. +x3 But when y-youw cawtews ow youw waiting-vassaws +Have donye a dwunken swaughtew and defac'd +The pwecious i-image of ouw deaw Wedeemew, +You stwaight awe on youw xDD knyees *hugs tightly* fow p-pawdon, pawdon; +And I, unjustwy t-too, must gwant it you. ^-^ [DEWBY wises] +But f-fow my bwothew nyot a man wouwd speak; +Nyow I, ungwacious, speak x3 unto m-mysewf +Fow him, poow souw. The pwoudest of you aww +*sighs* Have been b-behowding to h-him in his *shuffles closer* wife; +Yet nyonye of you wouwd once beg fow his wife. +O God, I feaw thy justice wiww take howd +*shuffles closer* On me, and you, *twerks* and minye, and youws, fow this! +Come, Hastings, *leans over* hewp me t-to my cwoset. Ah, poow Cwawence! +E-Exeunt some w-with KING and QUEEN +GWOUCESTEW. This is the fwuits of washnyess. Mawk'd *cuddles you* you nyot +How that the ^.^ guiwty kindwed *hugs tightly* of the Queen +Wook'd pawe when they did heaw of Cwawence' death? +O, they did uwge it stiww unto the K-King! +God wiww wevenge *looks away* it. *cuddles you* Come, wowds, wiww you go +T-To comfowt E-Edwawd with ouw company? +BUCKINGHAM. W-We OwO wait upon youw Gwace. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +Wondon. *teleports behind you* The pawace + +Entew the owd DUCHESS OF YOWK, with the SON and DAUGHTEW of CWAWENCE + +SON. :33 Good ;;w;; gwandam, teww x3 us, is ouw fathew dead? +DUCHESS. Nyo, boy. +*looks away* DAUGHTEW. Why do >_> you *teleports behind you* weep so oft, a-and beat youw b-bweast, +And cwy '-'O ;;w;; Cwawence, my *hugs tightly* unhappy son!'? +SON. Why *blushes* do you wook on u-us, and shake youw head, +And caww us owphans, *teleports behind you* wwetches, castaways, +If *moans* that OwO ouw nyobwe fathew wewe *sighs* awive? +DUCHESS. My pwetty cousins, you mistake *leans over* me b-both; +I-I do wament the sicknyess of the King, +As w-woath to *hugs tightly* wose him, nyot youw fathew's death; +It w-wewe w-wost sowwow to w-waiw onye that's wost. +SON. Then you concwude, my gwandam, he is dead. +The King minye uncwe is to bwame fow i-it. +God w-wiww wevenge it; whom I wiww i-impowtunye +With eawnyest pwayews aww to that xDD effect. +DAUGHTEW. And s-so wiww I. +DUCHESS. Peace, c-chiwdwen, ^w^ peace! The King doth wove you +w-weww. +Incapabwe and ^-^ shawwow innyocents, +You cannyot guess who caus'd youw fathew's death. +;;w;; SON. G-Gwandam, we xDD can; fow my good *teleports behind you* uncwe Gwoucestew +Towd me the King, pwovok'd to it by the Queen, +D-Devis'd impeachments to impwison him. +And when my uncwe towd me so, *blushes* he wept, +And pitied m-me, and kindwy kiss'd my cheek; +B-Bade me wewy o-on ^-^ him a-as on *blushes* my fathew, +And h-he wouwd w-wove me deawwy as a ;;w;; chiwd. +DUCHESS. Ah, that deceit *sighs* shouwd *twerks* steaw such gentwe shape, +And with a :33 viwtuous v-vizow hide ;;w;; deep vice! +He >_< is my s-son; *giggles shyly* ay, and thewein my shame; +Yet fwom my dugs h-he dwew nyot this deceit. +SON. Think you my uncwe *giggles shyly* did dissembwe, gwandam? +DUCHESS. Ay, boy. +*notices bulge* SON. uWu I cannyot t-think i-it. Hawk! what nyoise *looks at you* is this? + +E-Entew QUEEN EWIZABETH, with hew haiw about hew +eaws; W-WIVEWS ;;w;; and DOWSET aftew h-hew + +QUEEN *hugs tightly* EWIZABETH. *pokes you* Ah, who shaww hindew me t-to waiw a-and +weep, +To chide my fowtunye, and towment mysewf? +>_> I'ww *leans over* join with bwack despaiw *blushes* against *looks away* my souw +A-And to m-mysewf become an e-enyemy. +DUCHESS. W-What means this scenye of wude impatience? +QUEEN EWIZABETH. To make an a-act *sweats* of twagic viowence. +*looks at you* EDWAWD, my wowd, thy s-son, ouw king, is dead. +Why gwow the bwanches when ^w^ the *hugs tightly* woot >w< is gonye? +Why withew nyot the weaves that want *screams* theiw sap? +*looks away* If you wiww wive, wament; if >_> die, *cuddles you* be bwief, +*leans over* That ouw swift-winged souws may catch the King's, +*notices bulge* Ow wike obedient subjects fowwow him +To his nyew kingdom of nye'ew-changing nyight. +DUCHESS. Ah, so much intewest have I in thy sowwow +As *hugs tightly* I had *cries* titwe in thy nyobwe husband! +I >w< have bewept a *twerks* wowthy husband's death, +*looks at you* And w-wiv'd with wooking on his images; +But nyow ^-^ two miwwows of his pwincewy sembwance +*looks away* Awe >_> cwack'd in UwU pieces by >_> mawignyant death, +And I-I fow comfowt have but OwO onye f-fawse gwass, +That g-gwieves me when I ^-^ see my shame in *looks at you* him. +Thou awt a-a *looks at you* widow, yet t-thou *blushes* awt a mothew +And *looks away* hast the comfowt of t-thy chiwdwen w-weft; +But death hath snyatch'd my husband fwom minye awms +*giggles shyly* And pwuck'd *cries* two cwutches fwom my feebwe hands- +Cwawence and Edwawd. O, what cause have I- +Thinye being but a moiety of my m-moan- +To o-ovewgo thy woes and *blushes* dwown thy cwies? +SON. Ah, aunt, you wept ^-^ nyot fow o-ouw fathew's :3 death! +How >_< can we aid you with ouw kindwed teaws? +DAUGHTEW. Ouw fathewwess distwess w-was weft unmoan'd; +Youw widow-dowouw wikewise be unwept! +*teleports behind you* QUEEN EWIZABETH. Give m-me nyo hewp in :33 wamentation; +I a-am nyot bawwen to bwing fowth compwaints. +A-Aww spwings weduce theiw cuwwents :3 to minye eyes +T-That I, being govewn'd by *teleports behind you* the watewy moon, +May send fowth pwenteous t-teaws to OwO dwown the wowwd! +Ah >_> fow my husband, fow my deaw *giggles shyly* Wowd *looks away* Edwawd! +CHIWDWEN. Ah fow ouw fathew, fow ouw deaw Wowd Cwawence! +>_> DUCHESS. Awas fow both, both minye, Edwawd and C-Cwawence! +QUEEN EWIZABETH. W-What stay had I but E-Edwawd? and he's +gonye. +CHIWDWEN. What stay had we but *sweats* Cwawence? OwO and he's gonye. +DUCHESS. W-What stays had I but they? and they awe gonye. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Was nyevew widow had so deaw a w-woss. +CHIWDWEN. Wewe nyevew owphans >_> had xDD so deaw a woss. +DUCHESS. Was nyevew mothew had so deaw >w< a woss. +A-Awas, I am *looks away* the m-mothew of these gwiefs! +x3 Theiw woes awe *twerks* pawceww'd, minye is genyewaw. +She ;;w;; fow an E-Edwawd weeps, and *looks at you* so >_> do I-I: +I-I fow a Cwawence weep, so doth nyot she. +These b-babes *screams* fow Cwawence weep, and so d-do I: +*notices bulge* I x3 fow an Edwawd weep, so do n-nyot t-they. +Awas, you thwee on xDD me, thweefowd distwess'd, +Pouw aww youw teaws! ;;w;; I am youw sowwow's nyuwse, +And I *twerks* wiww pampew it with wamentation. +DOWSET. Comfowt, deaw mothew. G-God i-is much *screams* dispweas'd +That you take with unthankfuwnyess his doing. +In c-common wowwdwy things 'tis c-cawwed ungwatefuw +*shuffles closer* With duww unwiwwingnyess to wepay *shuffles closer* a debt +:3 Which w-with a bounteous hand was *cuddles you* kindwy went; +Much mowe to be thus opposite with heaven, +Fow it wequiwes the woyaw debt >_< it went *sighs* you. +WIVEWS. Madam, bethink ^-^ you, *moans* wike a *twerks* cawefuw ^.^ mothew, +Of the young pwince y-youw s-son. Send stwaight fow him; +*sighs* Wet *moans* him be *cries* cwown'd; in uWu him youw comfowt w-wives. +D-Dwown despewate sowwow in ^.^ dead Edwawd's gwave, +And pwant youw >_> joys in *shuffles closer* wiving Edwawd's thwonye. + +Entew GWOUCESTEW, BUCKINGHAM, DEWBY, +HASTINGS, and WATCWIFF + +G-GWOUCESTEW. S-Sistew, have comfowt. Aww o-of us have c-cause +To :33 waiw the dimming of ouw shinying *leans over* staw; +But n-nyonye can *looks away* hewp ouw hawms b-by waiwing them. +Madam, my mothew, *shuffles closer* I do cwy you mewcy; +I-I did nyot xDD see y-youw Gwace. Humbwy on m-my knyee +I c-cwave youw bwessing. +DUCHESS. God bwess thee; and ^-^ put *looks at you* meeknyess in thy bweast, +Wove, chawity, obedience, and twue *blushes* duty! +GWOUCESTEW. Amen! [Aside] A-And *looks away* make m-me die a good owd +man! +That is the butt end of a mothew's bwessing; +I m-mawvew that hew G-Gwace did weave it o-out. +BUCKINGHAM. Y-You cwoudy pwinces xDD and heawt-sowwowing +peews, +That ^.^ beaw this heavy mutuaw woad of moan, +Nyow cheew each othew in each othew's wove. +Though we have spent ouw hawvest of uWu this king, +We awe to w-weap the hawvest *sighs* of h-his son. +The bwoken wancouw ^-^ of youw high-swow'n *cuddles you* heawts, +But watewy spwintew'd, knyit, *cuddles you* and join'd togethew, +Must *cries* gentwy be pwesewv'd, *twerks* chewish'd, *hugs tightly* and kept. +Me seemeth good t-that, with s-some wittwe twain, +Fowthwith f-fwom W-Wudwow the young pwince *sighs* be fet +Hithew t-to Wondon, to b-be cwown'd ouw K-King. + +WIVEWS. Why with s-some wittwe twain, my Wowd of +UwU Buckingham? +BUCKINGHAM. Mawwy, my wowd, w-west by a muwtitude +;;w;; The n-nyew-heaw'd wound of m-mawice shouwd b-bweak out, +Which *cries* wouwd be so much the mowe dangewous +By how much *giggles shyly* the estate is g-gween *giggles shyly* and yet ungovewn'd; +W-Whewe evewy howse beaws his commanding wein +And may diwect his couwse as *sighs* pwease himsewf, +As weww the feaw o-of hawm as h-hawm appawent, +I-In *leans over* my ^-^ opinyion, >_< ought to be p-pwevented. +G-GWOUCESTEW. I hope t-the King made peace with aww of us; +^.^ And the compact *cries* is f-fiwm and twue in me. +WIVEWS. And so in me; a-and so, I think, in an. +Yet, s-since it is but gween, i-it shouwd be put +To nyo appawent wikewihood of bweach, +Which hapwy b-by m-much company UwU might OwO be uwg'd; +Thewefowe I say with nyobwe Buckingham +That i-it is meet *twerks* so few shouwd f-fetch t-the Pwince. +HASTINGS. A-And s-so say I. +GWOUCESTEW. Then be it so; a-and go we to detewminye +Who t-they shaww be that stwaight shaww post to Wudwow. +Madam, and you, my sistew, wiww you go +xDD To give youw censuwes in this businyess? +E-Exeunt aww but BUCKINGHAM and GWOUCESTEW +BUCKINGHAM. My wowd, whoevew jouwnyeys to the :3 Pwince, +F-Fow God sake, w-wet nyot us two stay at *blushes* home; +Fow >_> by the w-way I'ww sowt occasion, +*sighs* As i-index to the stowy we wate tawk'd *giggles shyly* of, +To pawt *looks at you* the Queen's pwoud k-kindwed fwom the Pwince. +GWOUCESTEW. My OwO othew sewf, my xDD counsew's consistowy, +My owacwe, my pwophet, my *pokes you* deaw cousin, +I, xDD as a chiwd, wiww go b-by thy diwection. +T-Towawd >w< Wudwow then, ;;w;; fow we'ww nyot stay behind. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +Wondon. A s-stweet + +E-Entew onye CITIZEN ^-^ at onye doow, and anyothew at the othew + +FIWST CITIZEN. Good mowwow, nyeighbouw. x3 Whithew a-away so +fast? +*looks at you* SECOND CITIZEN. I pwomise y-you, x3 I scawcewy knyow mysewf. +Heaw you t-the nyews a-abwoad? +F-FIWST CITIZEN. Yes, that the King is *pokes you* dead. +SECOND OwO CITIZEN. *sweats* Iww nyews, *notices bulge* by'w wady; :3 sewdom comes the +bettew. +I feaw, I feaw 'twiww pwove a g-giddy wowwd. + +Entew anyothew CITIZEN + +THIWD CITIZEN. Nyeighbouws, God speed! +FIWST CITIZEN. Give you good mowwow, >_< siw. +xDD THIWD CITIZEN. Doth the nyews howd *cuddles you* of good King *sweats* Edwawd's +death? +*pokes you* SECOND CITIZEN. Ay, siw, *screams* it is too twue; God hewp the whiwe! +THIWD CITIZEN. Then, >_> mastews, wook to *hugs tightly* see a *blushes* twoubwous +wowwd. +FIWST CITIZEN. Nyo, nyo; by God's good gwace, his s-son shaww +weign. +THIWD CITIZEN. Woe to that wand that's *sighs* govewn'd by a chiwd. +SECOND CITIZEN. In him thewe is a hope o-of govewnment, +Which, in his nyonyage, ^.^ counciw undew him, +And, in *hugs tightly* his fuww and wipenyed yeaws, himsewf, +Nyo doubt, shaww then, and tiww then, govewn x3 weww. +FIWST CITIZEN. xDD So stood *sighs* the s-state when Henwy the S-Sixth +:33 Was cwown'd i-in Pawis but at nyinye months owd. +THIWD CITIZEN. Stood the state s-so? *pokes you* Nyo, nyo, good fwiends, +God wot; +*looks away* Fow t-then this w-wand was famouswy enwich'd +With powitic gwave counsew; then the King +H-Had viwtuous *looks at you* uncwes to pwotect his Gwace. +FIWST CITIZEN. Why, so hath this, both by ^w^ his fathew and +mothew. +THIWD CITIZEN. *sighs* Bettew ;;w;; it wewe they aww c-came by his *notices bulge* fathew, +Ow by his fathew thewe wewe ^.^ nyonye at aww; +Fow emuwation who shaww nyow *moans* be *looks away* nyeawest +W-Wiww touch u-us aww too nyeaw, if God pwevent n-nyot. +O, fuww of dangew is the Duke of Gwoucestew! +A-And the Q-Queen's sons and *leans over* bwothews haught and pwoud; +A-And wewe UwU they to be wuw'd, and nyot to wuwe, +This sickwy wand might s-sowace as befowe. +FIWST CITIZEN. Come, *teleports behind you* come, we feaw the :33 wowst; aww wiww be +weww. +THIWD CITIZEN. When c-cwouds awe seen, *cuddles you* wise men :3 put o-on +theiw c-cwoaks; +*leans over* When gweat weaves faww, *pokes you* then wintew is at hand; +When the s-sun sets, who doth *hugs tightly* nyot wook *giggles shyly* fow nyight? +U-Untimewy stowms ^-^ make men ^w^ expect a deawth. +Aww may be weww; but, if God sowt it so, +'Tis mowe than *pokes you* we desewve ow I expect. +S-SECOND C-CITIZEN. Twuwy, the heawts of men awe fun uWu of feaw. +You cannyot *hugs tightly* weason >_> awmost with a ^w^ man +That wooks *leans over* nyot heaviwy and f-fun of dwead. +THIWD CITIZEN. Befowe the days of change, s-stiww is it so; +By a divinye instinct men's minds mistwust +Ensuing dangew; a-as by pwoof we *cries* see +The watew s-sweww befowe a-a b-boist'wous stowm. +But w-weave it aww to God. Whithew away? +SECOND CITIZEN. Mawwy, we wewe >_> sent fow to the justices. +^-^ THIWD CITIZEN. And so was *cries* I; I'ww ^w^ beaw *looks away* you *sighs* company. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew the A-AWCHBISHOP OF YOWK, OwO the y-young DUKE uWu OF :33 YOWK, QUEEN EWIZABETH, +>_> and the DUCHESS OF YOWK + +*sweats* AWCHBISHOP. Wast nyight, I ;;w;; heaw, they w-way at OwO Stony Stwatfowd, +^.^ And at xDD Nyowthampton they d-do west to-nyight; +To-mowwow ow nyext day *looks at you* they w-wiww be h-hewe. +DUCHESS. I wong with a-aww my heawt to see *teleports behind you* the Pwince. +I hope he is much gwown since wast I saw him. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. But I-I *shuffles closer* heaw n-nyo; they say my *teleports behind you* son of Yowk +Has awmost o-ovewta'en h-him in his *blushes* gwowth. +YOWK. Ay, mothew; but >w< I x3 wouwd nyot have it s-so. +DUCHESS. Why, my good cousin, *leans over* it is good to gwow. +YOWK. Gwandam, onye nyight as we *cries* did *sweats* sit at suppew, +My *notices bulge* uncwe Wivews tawk'd how I d-did gwow +Mowe t-than my bwothew. 'Ay,' quoth my uncwe Gwoucestew +'Smaww hewbs *blushes* have gwace: gweat *blushes* weeds do gwow apace.' +And since, methinks, I-I *hugs tightly* wouwd nyot xDD gwow so fast, +Because sweet fwow'ws awe s-swow a-and weeds make haste. +DUCHESS. G-Good f-faith, good faith, the saying did nyot h-howd +In him *cuddles you* that *blushes* did object the *giggles shyly* same to thee. +He was t-the *giggles shyly* wwetched'st thing when he was young, +So wong a-gwowing a-and so weisuwewy +That, i-if his wuwe wewe *giggles shyly* twue, he shouwd b-be >_> gwacious. +AWCHBISHOP. And so nyo doubt he i-is, my gwacious m-madam. +DUCHESS. I-I hope he is; *sweats* but yet wet mothews doubt. +Y-YOWK. Nyow, by my twoth, i-if I had been wememb'wed, +I couwd h-have given my uncwe's Gwace a fwout +To touch his *teleports behind you* gwowth nyeawew than he touch'd minye. +DUCHESS. *teleports behind you* How, m-my young :33 Yowk? I pwithee wet me heaw it. +YOWK. x3 Mawwy, *screams* they say my uncwe gwew so f-fast +T-That he c-couwd gnyaw *shuffles closer* a ^.^ cwust at two houws o-owd. +*giggles shyly* 'Twas fuww two yeaws ewe I couwd get a tooth. +Gwandam, *hugs tightly* this wouwd have been a biting ^-^ jest. +DUCHESS. I pwithee, pwetty Yowk, *giggles shyly* who *leans over* towd *pokes you* thee this? +*looks at you* YOWK. Gwandam, his nyuwse. +DUCHESS. His >_< nyuwse! *cuddles you* Why she w-was dead e-ewe t-thou w-wast +bown. +YOWK. If 'twewe nyot she, I cannyot teww who towd me. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. A pawwous b-boy! G-Go to, you awe too +shwewd. +>_< AWCHBISHOP. Good madam, be nyot angwy with the *sweats* chiwd. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. *cries* Pitchews have eaws. + +*leans over* Entew a-a MESSENGEW + +*looks away* AWCHBISHOP. Hewe comes a *sweats* messengew. What nyews? +MESSENGEW. *looks away* Such nyews, my wowd, *twerks* as gwieves me to w-wepowt. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. How doth *blushes* the Pwince? +MESSENGEW. Weww, madam, and in :3 heawth. +DUCHESS. What is thy nyews? +MESSENGEW. Wowd Wivews ^-^ and *notices bulge* Wowd Gwey +Awe s-sent to *looks at you* Pomfwet, and with them +Siw *blushes* Thomas *looks away* Vaughan, p-pwisonyews. +*screams* DUCHESS. *blushes* Who >w< hath committed them? +*screams* MESSENGEW. The mighty Dukes, *looks away* Gwoucestew a-and Buckingham. +AWCHBISHOP. *cries* Fow what offence? +*notices bulge* MESSENGEW. The sum of a-aww I can, I have discwos'd. +Why *moans* ow fow xDD what the nyobwes wewe committed +Is aww unknyown to me, *looks at you* my gwacious wowd. +QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Ay me, I see t-the :33 wuin of *looks at you* my house! +T-The t-tigew nyow hath seiz'd t-the gentwe hind; +Insuwting tywanny begins to >w< jet +Upon the innyocent and awewess thwonye. +Wewcome, *sweats* destwuction, bwood, and massacwe! +I s-see, *looks at you* as in a-a m-map, the e-end of aww. +DUCHESS. Accuwsed and u-unquiet *leans over* wwangwing days, +How many of you h-have *screams* minye eyes behewd! +M-My husband *sweats* wost his wife *sighs* to get the cwown; +*twerks* And often up and down my sons w-wewe *leans over* toss'd +Fow me to joy and weep theiw gain a-and woss; +And being *giggles shyly* seated, and >w< domestic *sighs* bwoiws +Cwean ovew-bwown, themsewves t-the conquewows +Make waw upon themsewves-bwothew to bwothew, +B-Bwood *sweats* to ;;w;; bwood, s-sewf against sewf. O-O, pwepostewous +And f-fwantic outwage, end thy damnyed spween, +Ow wet me die, to wook o-on death nyo mowe! +QUEEN EWIZABETH. C-Come, c-come, my b-boy; *moans* we wiww ^w^ to +sanctuawy. +*teleports behind you* Madam, faweweww. +DUCHESS. Stay, I :33 wiww go with you. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Y-You have nyo cause. +AWCHBISHOP. [To the QUEEN] My gwacious wady, *sweats* go. +*blushes* And t-thithew beaw youw tweasuwe and *hugs tightly* youw goods. +Fow m-my ^w^ pawt, I'ww wesign unto youw Gwace +The seaw I keep; and *teleports behind you* so betide to me +As weww I tendew you and aww of youws! +Go, I'ww conduct you to the sanctuawy. E-Exeunt + + + + +<_> USE ONWY, AND (2) ^w^ AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW U-USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION I-INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES ^w^ FOW DOWNWOAD T-TIME O-OW F-FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +^.^ ACT I-III. SCENyE 1. + +Wondon. A s-stweet + +The twumpets sound. >_< Entew OwO the P-PWINCE OF W-WAWES, G-GWOUCESTEW, BUCKINGHAM, +CATESBY, CAWDINyAW B-BOUWCHIEW, and >_> othews + +BUCKINGHAM. W-Wewcome, sweet Pwince, to Wondon, to youw +chambew. +GWOUCESTEW. Wewcome, d-deaw cousin, my thoughts' soveweign. +The weawy way hath made you mewanchowy. +PWINCE. Nyo, ^w^ uncwe; *cuddles you* but ouw cwosses *notices bulge* on the *giggles shyly* way +Have *cuddles you* made it tedious, weawisome, and heavy. +I *cuddles you* want mowe uncwes h-hewe *looks away* to wewcome me. +G-GWOUCESTEW. Sweet >_< Pwince, the untainted viwtue o-of y-youw +yeaws +^.^ Hath nyot yet d-div'd >_> into the *pokes you* wowwd's deceit; +N-Nyow mowe can you distinguish of a man +Than of his outwawd show; which, God He knyows, +S-Sewdom ow nyevew jumpeth with the heawt. +Those UwU uncwes which you uWu want wewe *leans over* dangewous; +Youw Gwace *hugs tightly* attended to theiw sug'wed wowds +^w^ But w-wook'd nyot o-on the poison of theiw heawts. +God keep y-you *looks away* fwom *cuddles you* them >w< and fwom such UwU fawse fwiends! +PWINCE. God keep me x3 fwom f-fawse fwiends! but they wewe +nyonye. +GWOUCESTEW. My wowd, the Mayow of *teleports behind you* Wondon comes to gweet +you. + +E-Entew t-the WOWD M-MAYOW and his twain + +MAYOW. God bwess y-youw Gwace with heawth and happy d-days! +PWINCE. I thank you, good *looks at you* my wowd, and thank you aww. +*notices bulge* I thought my mothew and m-my bwothew Yowk +Wouwd wong ewe this have met us on the way. +Fie, w-what a-a swug is Hastings, that he c-comes nyot +*shuffles closer* To teww us whethew uWu they wiww come ow n-nyo! + +Entew WOWD H-HASTINGS + +B-BUCKINGHAM. A-And, in good time, hewe comes the s-sweating +Wowd. +PWINCE. *teleports behind you* Wewcome, my wowd. What, ^.^ wiww ouw mothew come? +*sweats* HASTINGS. On what o-occasion, G-God He knyows, nyot I, +The Queen youw m-mothew and youw bwothew Yowk +Have taken sanctuawy. The tendew Pwince +Wouwd fain have come with m-me t-to meet y-youw Gwace, +But *moans* by his mothew was ^.^ pewfowce withhewd. +B-BUCKINGHAM. *twerks* Fie, what an indiwect and peevish c-couwse +Is *hugs tightly* this of *teleports behind you* hews? Wowd C-Cawdinyaw, wiww youw Gwace +Pewsuade t-the Q-Queen *giggles shyly* to send *hugs tightly* the D-Duke of Yowk +U-Unto his pwincewy *sighs* bwothew pwesentwy? +*shuffles closer* If she deny, Wowd Hastings, go with him +And fwom hew jeawous awms pwuck him pewfowce. +CAWDINyAW. My Wowd UwU of *leans over* Buckingham, i-if my weak owatowy +Can fwom his mothew *moans* win ^-^ the Duke of Yowk, +UwU Anyon e-expect him hewe; but if she be obduwate +To miwd entweaties, God *looks at you* in heaven fowbid +*cries* We shouwd infwinge the howy pwiviwege +Of bwessed *twerks* sanctuawy! N-Nyot fow a-aww this wand +*screams* Wouwd I be guiwty of so *cries* deep a s-sin. +BUCKINGHAM. xDD You awe too sensewess-obstinyate, *shuffles closer* my wowd, +Too cewemonyious and >_> twaditionyaw. +Weigh it but with the gwossnyess of this age, +You bweak nyot sanctuawy in seizing h-him. +The xDD benyefit theweof is awways gwanted +To those w-whose ^-^ deawings have desewv'd the pwace +And those who h-have the *twerks* wit to cwaim the pwace. +xDD This P-Pwince hath nyeithew cwaim'd it n-nyow desewv'd it, +A-And uWu thewefowe, in *looks away* minye opinyion, cannyot have it. +T-Then, *giggles shyly* taking >w< him fwom thence that i-is nyot t-thewe, +You bweak nyo pwiviwege nyow chawtew thewe. +Oft have I heawd o-of sanctuawy uWu men; +But *sighs* sanctuawy chiwdwen nyevew tiww nyow. +CAWDINyAW. *giggles shyly* My wowd, you shaww o'ewwuwe m-my mind f-fow once. +Come >_> on, Wowd Hastings, wiww you go with me? +HASTINGS. I go, my wowd. +PWINCE. Good wowds, make aww the speedy *twerks* haste you may. +Exeunt CAWDINyAW and HASTINGS +Say, uncwe Gwoucestew, *moans* if o-ouw bwothew come, +Whewe s-shaww we sojouwn t-tiww ouw cowonyation? +*looks at you* GWOUCESTEW. Whewe it seems :3 best unto youw woyaw sewf. +If I may c-counsew you, *screams* some day ow two +Youw H-Highnyess shaww wepose you at the Towew, +Then whewe you *screams* pwease and shaww be thought most fit +Fow youw best heawth and wecweation. +PWINCE. I d-do nyot wike the Towew, of any p-pwace. +Did Juwius Caesaw buiwd *sweats* that pwace, my wowd? +BUCKINGHAM. He *sighs* did, my gwacious wowd, begin that pwace, +Which, since, s-succeeding ages have we-edified. +*looks away* PWINCE. Is >_> it upon wecowd, ow ewse wepowted +S-Successivewy fwom a-age to age, he buiwt it? +BUCKINGHAM. Upon wecowd, my gwacious *moans* wowd. +P-PWINCE. But say, *looks away* my w-wowd, i-it wewe nyot wegist'wed, +Methinks *blushes* the twuth shouwd E-Eve fwom age *giggles shyly* to age, +*sighs* As 'twewe xDD wetaiw'd to aww postewity, +Even t-to the g-genyewaw aww-ending OwO day. +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside] So wise so young, they say, do nyevew +wive >_> wong. +PWINCE. W-What s-say y-you, uncwe? +GWOUCESTEW. I-I say, without chawactews, fame wives wong. +[Aside] Thus, wike t-the fowmaw vice, *cries* Inyiquity, +I m-mowawize two meanyings in onye wowd. +PWINCE. T-That Juwius Caesaw was a famous man; +W-With what his v-vawouw did e-enwich his wit, +His wit set down to m-make his vawouw wive. +Death m-makes nyo conquest of t-this c-conquewow; +Fow nyow he wives in fame, t-though nyot uWu in wife. +*shuffles closer* I'ww teww you what, my cousin Buckingham- +BUCKINGHAM. What, my gwacious wowd? +PWINCE. An if I wive untiw *sweats* I be a man, +I'ww win ouw ancient wight in Fwance again, +Ow die ^-^ a sowdiew as I wiv'd *notices bulge* a king. +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside] Showt summews wightwy have a fowwawd +spwing. + +Entew HASTINGS, y-young YOWK, and the CAWDINyAW + +BUCKINGHAM. Nyow, i-in good t-time, hewe comes the Duke of +Yowk. +PWINCE. Wichawd of Yowk, how fawes ouw *cuddles you* woving bwothew? +Y-YOWK. *shuffles closer* Weww, my dwead :33 wowd; so must I can you nyow. +PWINCE. Ay bwothew, to *shuffles closer* ouw gwief, a-as it i-is youws. +Too wate he d-died that might h-have k-kept that titwe, +W-Which by his death hath w-wost much majesty. +>_< GWOUCESTEW. How fawes ouw cousin, nyobwe Wowd of Yowk? +YOWK. I thank you, :3 gentwe *twerks* uncwe. O, my wowd, +You said that *sighs* idwe *sweats* weeds awe fast in gwowth. +The *sweats* Pwince m-my bwothew *screams* hath *sighs* outgwown me faw. +GWOUCESTEW. >_< He hath, my wowd. +YOWK. And thewefowe is he i-idwe? +GWOUCESTEW. O, my faiw cousin, I >w< must nyot s-say so. +YOWK. Then h-he is mowe behowding to y-you than I. +G-GWOUCESTEW. He *cries* may command me as my soveweign; +But you have powew in me as in a kinsman. +YOWK. I *pokes you* pway you, uncwe, give *screams* me this daggew. +*hugs tightly* GWOUCESTEW. My daggew, wittwe cousin? With aww my heawt! +PWINCE. A-A *giggles shyly* beggaw, bwothew? +YOWK. Of m-my kind uncwe, that I knyow w-wiww give, +And *blushes* being >_> but a-a *moans* toy, which is nyo gwief to :33 give. +GWOUCESTEW. OwO A gweatew gift ^w^ than that I'ww give my cousin. +YOWK. *screams* A gweatew gift! O, t-that's the swowd to it! +GWOUCESTEW. A-Ay, gentwe cousin, wewe it wight enyough. +YOWK. O, then, I s-see *cuddles you* you wiww OwO pawt but ^w^ with wight gifts: +I-In OwO weightiew things >w< you'ww say a beggaw nyay. +GWOUCESTEW. It is t-too >_> heavy fow youw Gwace to weaw. +YOWK. I *twerks* weigh it wightwy, wewe it heaview. +GWOUCESTEW. What, :33 wouwd you have my *sighs* weapon, wittwe +W-Wowd? +YOWK. I wouwd, t-that I :3 might thank you as you caww me. +G-GWOUCESTEW. How? +YOWK. Wittwe. +*leans over* PWINCE. ^.^ My Wowd of *hugs tightly* Yowk wiww stiww >_< be cwoss *looks away* in tawk. +Uncwe, youw :3 Gwace knyows how x3 to beaw with him. +YOWK. Y-You mean, to beaw uWu me, *shuffles closer* nyot to *leans over* beaw with me. +U-Uncwe, my bwothew *sweats* mocks both you and OwO me; +Because that I am wittwe, *sweats* wike an ape, +H-He thinks *pokes you* that you *hugs tightly* shouwd beaw me on youw s-shouwdews. +>_> BUCKINGHAM. With w-what a shawp-pwovided wit he weasons! +To mitigate the scown he g-gives his uncwe +He pwettiwy OwO and aptwy taunts himsewf. +So cunnying x3 and s-so y-young i-is wondewfuw. +GWOUCESTEW. My wowd, w-wiww't pwease *giggles shyly* you *blushes* pass awong? +Mysewf and uWu my good cousin *shuffles closer* Buckingham +Wiww to youw mothew, to entweat of hew +To meet you at the T-Towew *notices bulge* and wewcome you. +x3 YOWK. What, wiww you go u-unto the Towew, my wowd? +PWINCE. My Wowd Pwotectow nyeeds wiww have it so. +Y-YOWK. I-I shaww n-nyot sweep i-in quiet at the Towew. +GWOUCESTEW. W-Why, what s-shouwd you feaw? +YOWK. Mawwy, my uncwe Cwawence' angwy ghost. +M-My gwandam towd me he was muwdew'd thewe. +PWINCE. I feaw nyo uncwes OwO dead. +*moans* GWOUCESTEW. Nyow nyonye that wive, I hope. +PWINCE. A-An *hugs tightly* if they wive, I hope I nyeed nyot f-feaw. +:33 But come, my wowd; and >_< with a heavy heawt, +Thinking on *teleports behind you* them, go I unto the Towew. +A sennyet. +>_< Exeunt aww but GWOUCESTEW, BUCKINGHAM, and CATESBY +BUCKINGHAM. Think you, my wowd, t-this w-wittwe pwating Y-Yowk +*hugs tightly* Was nyot i-incensed by his subtwe >w< mothew +To taunt and *shuffles closer* scown you thus *screams* oppwobwiouswy? +G-GWOUCESTEW. Nyo doubt, nyo doubt. >w< O, 'tis a pewiwous boy; +>_< Bowd, quick, *notices bulge* ingenyious, fowwawd, capabwe. +He *giggles shyly* is aww the mothew's, fwom t-the ^.^ top to toe. +BUCKINGHAM. Weww, wet them west. Come hithew, Catesby. +Thou awt swown as *pokes you* deepwy to effect w-what we intend +As cwosewy to ^.^ conceaw what we impawt. +Thou knyow'st ouw weasons uwg'd upon the way. +What think'st thou? Is it nyot xDD an easy mattew +To ^-^ make Wiwwiam Wowd Hastings of ouw m-mind, +Fow the i-instawment o-of *screams* this nyobwe Duke +In the seat woyaw of t-this famous iswe? +CATESBY. *notices bulge* He fow his fathew's s-sake so woves t-the ^.^ Pwince +*pokes you* That he wiww nyot *hugs tightly* be won :33 to aught against h-him. +BUCKINGHAM. What t-think'st thou then of Stanwey? Wiww +nyot he? +CATESBY. H-He wiww do aww in aww *twerks* as Hastings doth. +BUCKINGHAM. Weww t-then, nyo mowe but t-this: go, gentwe +Catesby, +And, as it wewe faw *pokes you* off, s-sound t-thou Wowd OwO Hastings +How he doth stand affected :3 to ouw UwU puwpose; +And s-summon him t-to-mowwow to the Towew, +To sit about the cowonyation. +If thou dost find him twactabwe to us, +E-Encouwage him, a-and teww h-him *hugs tightly* aww o-ouw weasons; +If he be weaden, icy, c-cowd, unwiwwing, +Be thou so too, and *looks at you* so bweak o-off the tawk, +And give us nyotice of his incwinyation; +F-Fow we to-mowwow howd d-divided c-counciws, +Whewein uWu thysewf shawt highwy be empwoy'd. +GWOUCESTEW. Commend me to Wowd Wiwwiam. Teww him, +Catesby, +His a-ancient knyot of dangewous advewsawies +To-mowwow awe wet bwood at P-Pomfwet Castwe; +And bid my wowd, fow joy of *cuddles you* this good n-nyews, +Give Mistwess Showe onye gentwe kiss *leans over* the mowe. +B-BUCKINGHAM. Good Catesby, go effect this businyess soundwy. +CATESBY. M-My *twerks* good w-wowds *sighs* both, with aww t-the >w< heed I can. +GWOUCESTEW. Shaww we heaw fwom you, *moans* Catesby, ewe we sweep? +CATESBY. You *blushes* shaww, my w-wowd. +G-GWOUCESTEW. At ^.^ Cwosby House, :33 thewe shaww you find us both. +Exit CATESBY +*sighs* BUCKINGHAM. Nyow, :3 my wowd, ^w^ what *shuffles closer* shaww we do *looks at you* if we +pewceive +Wowd Hastings wiww ^w^ nyot yiewd to ouw c-compwots? +GWOUCESTEW. Chop o-off his head-something we wiww +detewminye. +And, wook when I-I am King, c-cwaim thou of me +The *looks at you* eawwdom of *cuddles you* Hewefowd and aww the m-movabwes +Wheweof the King my bwothew was possess'd. +BUCKINGHAM. I'ww cwaim t-that x3 pwomise at *looks away* youw Gwace's hand. +GWOUCESTEW. And wook to have it yiewded with *looks at you* aww *shuffles closer* kindnyess. +Come, wet us sup betimes, that aftewwawds +W-We may digest ouw compwots in some fowm. E-Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *notices bulge* 2. + +Befowe W-WOWD HASTING'S house + +Entew a MESSENGEW *teleports behind you* to uWu the doow of HASTINGS + +^-^ MESSENGEW. M-My wowd, my wowd! [Knyocking] +HASTINGS. *blushes* [Within] Who knyocks? +>w< MESSENGEW. *looks away* Onye fwom the Wowd Stanwey. +HASTINGS. [Within] What is't *hugs tightly* o'cwock? +MESSENGEW. Upon the s-stwoke of f-fouw. + +Entew WOWD H-HASTINGS + +HASTINGS. Cannyot my Wowd Stanwey sweep t-these tedious +n-nyights? +MESSENGEW. So it appeaws by that I have >w< to say. +Fiwst, he commends him to youw n-nyobwe sewf. +HASTINGS. What then? +MESSENGEW. Then cewtifies *hugs tightly* youw wowdship that this nyight +He dweamt *shuffles closer* the boaw had wazed off his hewm. +Besides, he says thewe awe two counciws kept, +And >w< that may ^w^ be detewmin'd a-at the onye +Which m-may m-make you and him to w-wue at th' othew. +Thewefowe he sends to knyow youw wowdship's p-pweasuwe- +If *looks at you* you wiww pwesentwy take howse with >_< him +And w-with aww *pokes you* speed post *screams* with him towawd >w< the nyowth +To shun the >_< dangew that h-his souw divinyes. +HASTINGS. Go, fewwow, *sighs* go, wetuwn u-unto thy wowd; +:33 Bid him nyot feaw the sepawated c-counciw: +H-His h-honyouw and *hugs tightly* mysewf awe at the onye, +And at the othew is my good fwiend Catesby; +Whewe nyothing can pwoceed t-that toucheth us +Wheweof I shaww nyot have intewwigence. +Teww him his feaws a-awe shawwow, without instance; +And fow his dweams, I wondew he's so s-simpwe +To twust the m-mock'wy of unquiet swumbews. +To fwy *notices bulge* the boaw befowe the boaw puwsues +Wewe to incense the boaw to fowwow *shuffles closer* us +;;w;; And make puwsuit w-whewe he did mean nyo chase. +:3 Go, bid thy *notices bulge* mastew wise and come to me; +OwO And we wiww *notices bulge* both togethew t-to the Towew, +Whewe, he *twerks* shaww see, the boaw wiww u-use us kindwy. +MESSENGEW. I'ww go, my w-wowd, a-and ^.^ teww him what you say. +Exit + +E-Entew CATESBY + +CATESBY. Many g-good mowwows to my nyobwe wowd! +HASTINGS. *leans over* Good mowwow, *notices bulge* Catesby; >w< you awe eawwy stiwwing. +What nyews, what nyews, in this ouw tott'wing state? +CATESBY. I-It is a weewing wowwd *looks away* indeed, m-my wowd; +A-And I bewieve wiww nyevew stand upwight +Tiww Wichawd weaw *blushes* the gawwand of ;;w;; the weawm. +*screams* HASTINGS. >_< How, weaw *blushes* the gawwand! *blushes* Dost thou mean the +cwown? +uWu CATESBY. Ay, *moans* my good wowd. +HASTINGS. I-I'ww h-have this c-cwown of m-minye cut UwU fwom my +shouwdews +Befowe I'ww see the cwown so *teleports behind you* fouw mispwac'd. +But canst thou guess that he doth aim at it? +CATESBY. Ay, on my wife; and hopes t-to f-find you fowwawd +Upon ^-^ his p-pawty fow the gain theweof; +And theweupon he sends you t-this good nyews, +That this same vewy day youw enyemies, +*pokes you* The kindwed o-of t-the Queen, must d-die at Pomfwet. +HASTINGS. I-Indeed, I *cries* am nyo mouwnyew fow that *looks at you* nyews, +Because >w< they h-have b-been stiww my advewsawies; +But that I'ww give my voice on Wichawd's side +To baw my mastew's heiws in twue descent, +God k-knyows I wiww nyot do it *screams* to the death. +CATESBY. God keep youw wowdship in that gwacious mind! +HASTINGS. But *giggles shyly* I shaww waugh at t-this a twewve month hence, +That t-they which b-bwought me *looks at you* in my mastew's hate, +I wive to wook upon *sweats* theiw :3 twagedy. +Weww, Catesby, ewe a fowtnyight make me *shuffles closer* owdew, +I'ww send some packing that yet *hugs tightly* think nyot on't. +CATESBY. 'Tis a viwe uWu thing to OwO die, my gwacious wowd, +*pokes you* When m-men awe unpwepaw'd a-and *cries* wook n-nyot fow i-it. +HASTINGS. O monstwous, m-monstwous! And so fawws it *looks at you* out +With Wivews, Vaughan, Gwey; a-and so 'twiww do +*hugs tightly* With *twerks* some *teleports behind you* men ewse that think themsewves as safe +As thou and xDD I, who, as thou k-knyowest, awe deaw +To pwincewy Wichawd and to Buckingham. +CATESBY. *moans* The Pwinces >w< both make h-high a-account o-of you- +[Aside] F-Fow *notices bulge* they a-account his head u-upon the bwidge. +HASTINGS. I k-knyow they do, and I h-have *moans* weww >w< desewv'd it. + +Entew WOWD S-STANWEY + +Come o-on, come on; whewe is youw boaw-speaw, >w< man? +Feaw you the boaw, and go so unpwovided? +STANWEY. My wowd, *sweats* good mowwow; good mowwow, Catesby. +You may :33 jest o-on, but, by the h-howy *teleports behind you* wood, +I do nyot wike these sevewaw counciws, I. +HASTINGS. My wowd, I howd my wife as deaw a-as youws, +A-And uWu nyevew in my days, I do p-pwotest, +Was it so p-pwecious t-to me as 'tis nyow. +Think you, but that I knyow ouw state secuwe, +I wouwd be so twiumphant as I am? +S-STANWEY. T-The wowds a-at *hugs tightly* Pomfwet, w-when they wode fwom +Wondon, +Wewe jocund and suppos'd theiw states wewe ^-^ suwe, +*blushes* And they indeed had nyo *looks away* cause to mistwust; +But yet you see how s-soon t-the day o'ewcast. +*twerks* This sudden stab of wancouw I-I misdoubt; +Pway God, I xDD say, I *blushes* pwove a nyeedwess cowawd. +What, shaww we towawd the Towew? The day is s-spent. +HASTINGS. Come, come, have with you. *notices bulge* Wot you what, my +W-Wowd? +To-day the w-wowds you tawk'd of OwO awe beheaded. +>w< STANWEY. They, *looks away* fow t-theiw *sweats* twuth, might bettew uWu weaw theiw +heads +T-Than some that *sighs* have a-accus'd them weaw theiw h-hats. +But come, my *notices bulge* wowd, wet's away. + +Entew HASTINGS, a puwsuivant + +*looks at you* HASTINGS. G-Go on UwU befowe; I'ww tawk with this good fewwow. +Exeunt STANWEY and CATESBY +How nyow, Hastings! H-How goes the wowwd with thee? +PUWSUIVANT. T-The bettew t-that youw wowdship pwease to *cries* ask. +HASTINGS. I teww thee, man, 'tis bettew with me nyow +Than when thou met'st me *screams* wast whewe nyow we uWu meet: +Then was I *looks away* going pwisonyew to the Towew +By t-the suggestion of *cries* the *blushes* Queen's awwies; +But nyow, I teww thee-keep it to thysewf- +This day t-those enyewnyies *looks away* awe put *moans* to death, +A-And I in bettew *sweats* state than e'ew I was. +P-PUWSUIVANT. G-God h-howd i-it, *hugs tightly* to youw honyouw's good content! +HASTINGS. Gwamewcy, Hastings; thewe, dwink that fow me. +*shuffles closer* [Thwows him his puwse] +P-PUWSUIVANT. I thank youw honyouw. Exit + +Entew a PWIEST + +PWIEST. Weww m-met, my ^-^ wowd; I am gwad to see youw *shuffles closer* honyouw. +HASTINGS. I t-thank OwO thee, good S-Siw John, *shuffles closer* with *cries* aww >_< my *looks away* heawt. +I a-am in youw debt fow youw >_< wast exewcise; +Come the nyext Sabbath, and I wiww content you. +[He w-whispews in his eaw] +PWIEST. I'ww w-wait upon *sighs* youw wowdship. + +Entew BUCKINGHAM + +BUCKINGHAM. What, tawking with OwO a ^-^ pwiest, :3 Wowd +*sweats* Chambewwain! +Youw fwiends *cuddles you* at Pomfwet, they do n-nyeed the pwiest: +Youw honyouw hath nyo shwiving *leans over* wowk i-in h-hand. +*cuddles you* HASTINGS. G-Good faith, *cuddles you* and when ^w^ I met this howy man, +The men :3 you tawk of came into my mind. +What, g-go you towawd the Towew? +BUCKINGHAM. I do, ^.^ my wowd, but wong I-I cannyot stay t-thewe; +I-I *sighs* shaww wetuwn befowe y-youw wowdship thence. +HASTINGS. Nyay, uWu wike enyough, fow I stay dinnyew thewe. +BUCKINGHAM. [-[Aside] And xDD suppew too, awthough thou +knyowest it n-nyot.- +Come, wiww you go? +HASTINGS. I'ww w-wait upon youw wowdship. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +Pomfwet Castwe + +Entew SIW WICHAWD WATCWIFF, w-with hawbewds, cawwying >_> the Nyobwes, +WIVEWS, GWEY, and VAUGHAN, to death + +W-WIVEWS. Siw Wichawd Watcwiff, wet me teww t-thee this: +To-day shawt thou behowd a UwU subject die +F-Fow twuth, fow duty, a-and fow woyawty. +GWEY. God bwess the Pwince fwom aww UwU the pack of you! +A-A knyot you awe *shuffles closer* of damnyed bwood-suckews. +VAUGHAN. You wive that ^.^ shaww *screams* cwy woe fow this :33 heweaftew. +WATCWIFF. *blushes* Dispatch; the wimit of youw wives is out. +WIVEWS. O Pomfwet, Pomfwet! O-O thou bwoody pwison, +Fataw and o-ominyous to nyobwe peews! +Within the guiwty *giggles shyly* cwosuwe of thy wawws +WICHAWD the Second hewe w-was hack'd to *cuddles you* death; +And fow mowe swandew to thy dismaw seat, +We give :3 to thee ouw guiwtwess bwood to dwink. +*blushes* GWEY. Nyow Mawgawet's cuwse is faww'n upon ouw heads, +When she ^w^ excwaim'd on Hastings, you, and I-I, +Fow standing by when Wichawd stabb'd h-hew son. +WIVEWS. >w< Then cuws'd she W-Wichawd, then cuws'd she +*leans over* Buckingham, +Then cuws'd she Hastings. O, wemembew, God, +To heaw hew pwayew fow them, a-as nyow fow *cuddles you* us! +And fow my sistew, and hew pwincewy sons, +Be satisfied, deaw God, with ouw twue bwood, +Which, as thou knyow'st, unjustwy *shuffles closer* must be spiwt. +WATCWIFF. Make haste; the houw :33 of death is expiate. +WIVEWS. Come, Gwey; come, Vaughan; wet us *twerks* hewe embwace. +Faweweww, untiw we meet again *notices bulge* in heaven. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4 + +UwU Wondon. The Towew + +Entew BUCKINGHAM, DEWBY, HASTINGS, the *shuffles closer* BISHOP of E-EWY, WATCWIFF, WOVEW, +with othews and seat themsewves at a *cries* tabwe + +HASTINGS. *cuddles you* Nyow, nyobwe peews, the cause why we awe met +I-Is to detewminye of the cowonyation. +In God's nyame speak-when is t-the w-woyaw day? +BUCKINGHAM. I-Is aww things w-weady fow the *pokes you* woyaw time? +*hugs tightly* DEWBY. It is, and w-wants but n-nyominyation. +BISHOP O-OF EWY. To-mowwow then I judge a-a happy day. +BUCKINGHAM. Who knyows the Wowd Pwotectow's ^-^ mind +hewein? +Who is most inwawd *hugs tightly* with the >_< nyobwe Duke? +BISHOP OF EWY. Youw Gwace, we think, shouwd soonyest knyow +his *twerks* mind. +B-BUCKINGHAM. We knyow each othew's *sighs* faces; fow ouw heawts, +:3 He knyows nyo *pokes you* mowe of minye than I of youws; +Ow I of his, my wowd, than you of minye. +W-Wowd *hugs tightly* Hastings, you and he awe nyeaw i-in wove. +HASTINGS. I thank h-his Gwace, I knyow he xDD woves me weww; +B-But fow his puwpose in *moans* the cowonyation +I h-have nyot sounded him, nyow he d-dewivew'd +His gwacious pweasuwe any way *leans over* thewein. +But y-you, my honyouwabwe wowds, *leans over* may nyame the time; +And in t-the Duke's behawf I'ww give my voice, +W-Which, I *teleports behind you* pwesume, he'ww take in gentwe pawt. + +Entew GWOUCESTEW + +BISHOP :3 OF EWY. In happy time, hewe comes t-the Duke himsewf. +GWOUCESTEW. My nyobwe wowds and cousins >_< an, good mowwow. +I *cries* have been wong a sweepew, but I *blushes* twust +My absence doth nyegwect nyo gweat design +Which by my pwesence might have been concwuded. +B-BUCKINGHAM. Had you n-nyot come *cuddles you* upon youw cue, my wowd, +WIWWIAM Wowd Hastings had pwonyounc'd youw pawt- +I m-mean, youw voice fow cwownying of the King. +UwU GWOUCESTEW. Than my W-Wowd *pokes you* Hastings nyo man might *twerks* be +bowdew; +H-His ^w^ wowdship k-knyows me weww and woves m-me ;;w;; weww. +My wowd of Ewy, w-when I was wast in Howbown +I saw good s-stwawbewwies *pokes you* in youw g-gawden thewe. +I *blushes* do beseech you send fow some of them. +BISHOP of EWY. Mawwy and wiww, m-my wowd, w-with aww my heawt. +Exit +>_> GWOUCESTEW. Cousin of Buckingham, a wowd w-with you. +[Takes h-him *teleports behind you* aside] +Catesby hath sounded H-Hastings in o-ouw businyess, +And f-finds t-the testy gentweman so *pokes you* hot +That he wiww *cuddles you* wose his head ewe give consent +His mastew's chiwd, as w-wowshipfuwwy he tewms it, +Shaww wose the woyawty of Engwand's thwonye. +BUCKINGHAM. Withdwaw *twerks* youwsewf *blushes* awhiwe; I'ww go *pokes you* with you. +Exeunt GWOUCESTEW a-and B-BUCKINGHAM +DEWBY. We have nyot yet *leans over* set >_> down this OwO day of twiumph. +To-mowwow, i-in my ^-^ judgment, is too sudden; +Fow I-I mysewf am nyot so weww p-pwovided +As e-ewse *looks away* I wouwd be, w-wewe the day pwowong'd. + +We-entew the BISHOP OF EWY + +^.^ BISHOP OF EWY. OwO Whewe is my wowd the Duke of Gwoucestew? +I have sent *shuffles closer* fow ;;w;; these stwawbewwies. +HASTINGS. His Gwace wooks cheewfuwwy and smooth this +mownying; +Thewe's some conceit o-ow *sweats* othew wikes him weww +*shuffles closer* When *moans* that he bids good *blushes* mowwow with such spiwit. +I *twerks* think thewe's nyevew a man *leans over* in Chwistendom +Can w-wessew hide his wove ow hate t-than he; +Fow *pokes you* by his face stwaight *moans* shaww you knyow his heawt. +DEWBY. What of his heawt pewceive you in his >w< face +By any wivewihood he show'd t-to-day? +*leans over* HASTINGS. Mawwy, t-that *sighs* with OwO nyo man hewe he is offended; +Fow, wewe he, he had shown it in *sighs* his wooks. + +We-entew GWOUCESTEW and BUCKINGHAM + +GWOUCESTEW. I pway you aww, teww me w-what they desewve +That do conspiwe my death with deviwish pwots +Of damnyed *teleports behind you* witchcwaft, and that have pwevaiw'd +Upon my body with theiw h-hewwish chawms? +HASTINGS. The tendew wove *twerks* I beaw y-youw Gwace, *twerks* my wowd, +Makes UwU me most fowwawd *looks away* in this pwincewy pwesence +To d-doom th' *moans* offendews, whosoe'ew t-they be. +I say, my wowd, *looks away* they have desewved death. +GWOUCESTEW. Then be youw eyes the witnyess of theiw eviw. +Wook how I am bewitch'd; behowd, m-minye ^w^ awm +Is wike a bwasted sapwing w-withew'd up. +And this is Edwawd's wife, that monstwous witch, +Consowted with t-that hawwot s-stwumpet Showe, +That by *looks away* theiw witchcwaft xDD thus have mawked me. +HASTINGS. If *sweats* they have donye this deed, my nyobwe wowd- +GWOUCESTEW. If?-thou pwotectow of >_< this *pokes you* damnyed stwumpet, +Tawk'st thou to me of ifs? Thou awt uWu a t-twaitow. +O-Off with his head! Nyow by Saint Pauw I s-sweaw +*notices bulge* I wiww nyot dinye untiw I-I see the same. +Wovew a-and W-Watcwiff, *blushes* wook OwO that it be donye. +T-The west that uWu wove me, wise and f-fowwow me. +Exeunt aww but HASTINGS, WOVEW, and *moans* WATCWIFF +uWu HASTINGS. Woe, woe, fow Engwand! nyot a w-whit fow me; +F-Fow I, *hugs tightly* too fond, might have pwevented this. +*looks away* STANWEY did dweam the boaw did waze ouw *cries* hewms, +And I ;;w;; did scown it and *giggles shyly* disdain to fwy. +Thwee times to-day my foot-cwoth howse did stumbwe, +And stawted when he wook'd upon the Towew, +As woath to beaw me to the swaughtew-house. +O, *notices bulge* nyow I nyeed the pwiest that spake >w< to me! +I nyow wepent I towd the *teleports behind you* puwsuivant, +As t-too twiumphing, how minye enyemies +To-day at Pomfwet bwoodiwy w-wewe b-butchew'd, +x3 And I mysewf secuwe in gwace and *pokes you* favouw. +OwO O Mawgawet, Mawgawet, nyow thy heavy cuwse +xDD Is wighted on ^.^ poow Hastings' wwetched head! +xDD WATCWIFF. C-Come, come, d-dispatch; the Duke wouwd *leans over* be at +dinnyew. +Make a showt shwift; h-he wongs to see youw head. +HASTINGS. *looks at you* O momentawy gwace of mowtaw men, +Which w-we mowe hunt fow than the x3 gwace of God! +Who buiwds uWu his ^-^ hope in :33 aiw of *teleports behind you* youw good wooks +*teleports behind you* Wives wike a dwunken saiwow on a mast, +Weady with evewy nyod to tumbwe down +Into the fataw bowews of the deep. +WOVEW. *looks at you* Come, come, dispatch; '-'tis bootwess to excwaim. +HASTINGS. O bwoody Wichawd! Misewabwe x3 Engwand! +^w^ I pwophesy the feawfuww'st time to thee +That evew wwetched age *cries* hath wook'd upon. +C-Come, :33 wead m-me to the bwock; beaw him *screams* my head. +They smiwe at me ^.^ who showtwy shaww be dead. E-Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 5. + +Wondon. The Towew-wawws + +Entew GWOUCESTEW and BUCKINGHAM i-in wotten awmouw, mawvewwous iww-favouwed + +GWOUCESTEW. Come, cousin, *giggles shyly* canst thou quake and >_< change +thy cowouw, +Muwdew ^-^ thy b-bweath in middwe of a wowd, +UwU And then ^w^ again begin, and stop again, +As if thou *giggles shyly* wewe *cries* distwaught *notices bulge* and mad with t-tewwow? +BUCKINGHAM. Tut, I can countewfeit the *moans* deep twagedian; +Speak and wook back, and pwy on evewy side, +:3 Twembwe and *giggles shyly* stawt at wagging of a stwaw, +Intending d-deep suspicion. Ghastwy wooks +Awe at my sewvice, wike enfowced smiwes; +And both *teleports behind you* awe weady in theiw offices +At any time to g-gwace my stwatagems. +But what, is Catesby gonye? +GWOUCESTEW. He is; and, see, h-he OwO bwings the mayow awong. + +Entew the WOWD ^.^ MAYOW *looks at you* and CATESBY + +B-BUCKINGHAM. W-Wowd Mayow- +GWOUCESTEW. Wook *looks away* to the dwawbwidge thewe! +BUCKINGHAM. Hawk! *sweats* a dwum. +GWOUCESTEW. Catesby, o'ewwook >_< the wawws. +BUCKINGHAM. W-Wowd Mayow, the weason we h-have sent- +GWOUCESTEW. Wook back, defend thee; hewe *sweats* awe enyemies. +B-BUCKINGHAM. God and ouw i-innyocence defend and guawd us! + +E-Entew WOVEW and W-WATCWIFF, with HASTINGS' head + +GWOUCESTEW. Be patient; they *hugs tightly* awe fwiends-Watcwiff and Wovew. +W-WOVEW. H-Hewe is the head of that *giggles shyly* ignyobwe twaitow, +T-The dangewous a-and unsuspected Hastings. +GWOUCESTEW. So deaw *shuffles closer* I wov'd the m-man that I must w-weep. +I took him fow the pwainyest hawmwess cweatuwe +That ^-^ bweath'd upon ;;w;; the eawth a ^-^ Chwistian; +Made ^w^ him my book, whewein my souw *hugs tightly* wecowded +The histowy of aww hew secwet thoughts. +S-So smooth he daub'd *teleports behind you* his vice with *moans* show of viwtue +That, x3 his appawent open g-guiwt omitted, +I mean his convewsation OwO with S-Showe's wife- +He wiv'd fwom aww ^.^ attaindew of suspects. +BUCKINGHAM. Weww, weww, he was the covewt'st shewt'wed +twaitow +That evew wiv'd. +*teleports behind you* Wouwd you imaginye, ow awmost b-bewieve- +Wewe't :33 nyot that by gweat pwesewvation +We wive *cuddles you* to teww it-that the subtwe UwU twaitow +This *moans* day had p-pwotted, i-in the c-counciw-house, +T-To muwdew me and >w< my good Wowd of Gwoucestew. +MAYOW. Had he d-donye *leans over* so? +*giggles shyly* GWOUCESTEW. What! think *looks away* you ^w^ we xDD awe Tuwks o-ow Infidews? +Ow that we *moans* wouwd, against the fowm of waw, +Pwoceed thus w-washwy in the viwwain's death +But that t-the extweme pewiw of the case, +The *giggles shyly* peace *screams* of Engwand and ouw pewsons' safety, +Enfowc'd us to this execution? +MAYOW. Nyow, faiw befaww you! He d-desewv'd h-his death; +And youw good Gwaces b-both have weww pwoceeded +To wawn fawse twaitows fwom *cries* the wike attempts. +I :3 nyevew wook'd fow bettew a-at his hands +Aftew ;;w;; he o-once feww in with Mistwess Showe. +BUCKINGHAM. Yet had we nyot d-detewmin'd he shouwd die +Untiw *screams* youw wowdship came to see *sighs* his end- +W-Which nyow t-the w-woving *cuddles you* haste of these ouw f-fwiends, +Something *moans* against ouw meanyings, have *blushes* pwevented- +Because, my *screams* wowd, I wouwd have had you *giggles shyly* heawd +The *notices bulge* twaitow speak, and timowouswy confess +The m-mannyew xDD and the puwpose of his tweasons: +That you might weww have signyified the same +Unto OwO the citizens, who hapwy may +Misconstew us in him and waiw his *shuffles closer* death. +MAYOW. *teleports behind you* But, my good wowd, ^-^ youw Gwace's wowds shaww sewve +As weww as I had >_> seen and heawd him speak; +And d-do nyot doubt, wight nyobwe *cuddles you* Pwinces both, +But I'ww acquaint ^-^ ouw duteous citizens +With aww youw j-just pwoceedings in *leans over* this cause. +GWOUCESTEW. And to that end we wish'd youw wowdship hewe, +T' avoid the the the censuwes of the cawping wowwd. +BUCKINGHAM. Which since you come :33 too wate of ouw intent, +*cries* Yet ^w^ witnyess what you heaw we d-did intend. +*cuddles you* And so, my good *giggles shyly* Wowd ;;w;; Mayow, w-we bid faweweww. +Exit WOWD *pokes you* MAYOW +GWOUCESTEW. Go, aftew, aftew, *leans over* cousin Buckingham. +The Mayow *looks at you* towawds Guiwdhaww hies him in a-an post. +Thewe, at youw meet'st advantage of t-the *moans* time, +Infew the bastawdy o-of Edwawd's chiwdwen. +Teww them how Edwawd put *sighs* to death a citizen +Onwy fow s-saying he wouwd make his son +Heiw to the cwown-meanying indeed his house, +Which by the sign theweof *teleports behind you* was tewmed so. +Moweovew, u-uwge his hatefuw wuxuwy +And bestiaw appetite i-in change of wust, +*shuffles closer* Which s-stwetch'd unto theiw *sighs* sewvants, daughtews, wives, +Even whewe his waging eye ow *looks at you* savage heawt +Without :3 contwow wusted to ^-^ make a *leans over* pwey. +Nyay, fow a nyeed, thus faw come *cuddles you* nyeaw *teleports behind you* my >w< pewson: +Teww them, ^-^ when t-that :33 my m-mothew w-went with *looks at you* chiwd +Of that insatiate Edwawd, nyobwe Yowk +My pwincewy fathew then had waws in Fwance +And, >w< by twue UwU computation o-of the time, +F-Found t-that the issue was nyot *teleports behind you* his *cuddles you* begot; +Which weww appeawed i-in his winyeaments, +>w< Being n-nyothing *hugs tightly* wike *shuffles closer* the nyobwe Duke my fathew. +Yet *shuffles closer* touch this spawingwy, as 'twewe faw *looks at you* off; +B-Because, m-my wowd, you knyow my mothew wives. +x3 BUCKINGHAM. *sighs* Doubt nyot, my w-wowd, I'ww p-pway *moans* the o-owatow +As if t-the gowden *twerks* fee >_> fow which I pwead +Wewe f-fow mysewf; *blushes* and *sighs* so, m-my wowd, adieu. +GWOUCESTEW. If you thwive weww, :3 bwing them to Baynyawd's +*pokes you* Castwe; +Whewe you shaww find UwU me weww accompanyied +With w-wevewend fathews and weww weawnyed bishops. +BUCKINGHAM. I-I go; and towawds thwee *sweats* ow x3 fouw o'cwock +Wook f-fow the OwO nyews ;;w;; that xDD the Guiwdhaww affowds. Exit +GWOUCESTEW. Go, Wovew, with aww speed to Doctow S-Shaw. +[To CATESBY] Go thou :3 to Fwiaw *sweats* Penkew. Bid them both +Meet m-me within this h-houw at Baynyawd's C-Castwe. +E-Exeunt a-aww but GWOUCESTEW +Nyow wiww I go to take some pwivy owdew +To dwaw the bwats of Cwawence out *leans over* of sight, +And to give owdew that n-nyo mannyew pewson +Have any time *hugs tightly* wecouwse unto the Pwinces. Exit + + + + +SCENyE 6. + +Wondon. A stweet + +Entew a-a SCWIVENyEW + +SCWIVENyEW. *notices bulge* Hewe is the indictment of the good W-Wowd >_> Hastings; +*moans* Which in a set hand ;;w;; faiwwy is engwoss'd +That it m-may be t-to-day *looks away* wead o'ew *notices bulge* in >_> Pauw's. +And mawk how weww the sequew hangs togethew: +Eweven houws I-I have *looks at you* spent uWu to wwite it ovew, +F-Fow yestewnyight by *notices bulge* Catesby was it sent m-me; +The pwecedent was fuww as wong a-doing; +And yet within *twerks* these five *notices bulge* houws Hastings wiv'd, +Untainted, unyexamin'd, fwee, at wibewty. +Hewe's a good wowwd *moans* the whiwe! Who is so gwos +That cannyot see this pawpabwe d-device? +Yet who's s-so UwU bowd but says he sees i-it nyot? +Bad is the wowwd; and aww wiww come to n-nyought, +When such iww deawing >w< must b-be seen :3 in thought. Exit + + + + +SCENyE 7. + +Wondon. Baynyawd's Castwe + +Entew GWOUCESTEW and UwU BUCKINGHAM, at *shuffles closer* sevewaw doows + +GWOUCESTEW. How nyow, how nyow! What s-say t-the citizens? +BUCKINGHAM. Nyow, b-by the howy Mothew of ouw Wowd, +The citizens a-awe m-mum, *sweats* say n-nyot a ;;w;; wowd. +*twerks* GWOUCESTEW. Touch'd you ;;w;; the bastawdy of Edwawd's +chiwdwen? +BUCKINGHAM. I d-did; *blushes* with his contwact with Wady Wucy, +And his c-contwact by deputy *screams* in Fwance; +Th' i-insatiate gweedinyess of his desiwe, +And his enfowcement of the city wives; +His tywanny fow twifwes; his own b-bastawdy, +As being g-got, *sighs* youw f-fathew t-then in Fwance, +:3 And his wesembwance, being nyot w-wike the *sighs* Duke. +Withaw I did infew youw w-winyeaments, +Being the wight idea o-of youw fathew, +Both in youw fowm and nyobwenyess o-of *cuddles you* mind; +*pokes you* Waid open aww y-youw victowies in Scotwand, +Youw d-discipwinye in waw, w-wisdom in peace, +Youw bounty, v-viwtue, f-faiw humiwity; +Indeed, weft nyothing fitting fow *sweats* youw *sighs* puwpose +Untouch'd ow swightwy handwed in discouwse. +And when m-minye owatowy dwew towawd end +I bid them that did wove t-theiw countwy's good +Cwy 'God ^.^ save Wichawd, Engwand's *twerks* woyaw King!' +GWOUCESTEW. And did :3 they s-so? +BUCKINGHAM. Nyo, so G-God hewp me, *notices bulge* they spake nyot a-a w-wowd; +But, wike :3 dumb statues ow bweathing stonyes, +Staw'd e-each o-on *blushes* othew, and wook'd deadwy pawe. +Which when I-I saw, I wepwehended them, +And >_< ask'd the M-Mayow what meant this wiwfuww siwence. +*looks away* His answew was, the peopwe wewe nyot u-used +To be spoke *looks away* to but by the Wecowdew. +Then he was uwg'd uWu to teww m-my tawe *blushes* again. +'Thus saith t-the Duke, thus hath the Duke i-infeww'd'- +But nyothing spoke in xDD wawwant fwom h-himsewf. +When he *screams* had *cries* donye, s-some fowwowews of minye own +At wowew end *cuddles you* of the haww huww'd u-up theiw caps, +And some ten voices cwied '-'God save King Wichawd!' +^.^ And thus I *teleports behind you* took t-the vantage of those few- +'Thanks, g-gentwe ^.^ citizens and fwiends,' quoth I-I +'-'This genyewaw a-appwause ;;w;; and *sighs* cheewfuw shout +Awgues youw wisdoms a-and youw w-wove to Wichawd.' +And even hewe bwake off and came away. +GWOUCESTEW. What, tonguewess bwocks *cries* wewe they? Wouwd +they n-nyot speak? +W-Wiww nyot *cries* the Mayow *twerks* then a-and his bwethwen c-come? +BUCKINGHAM. T-The *pokes you* Mayow is hewe at uWu hand. Intend s-some f-feaw; +Be nyot you spoke with b-but by mighty s-suit; +And wook y-you get >w< a pwayew-book in youw hand, +*blushes* And stand *notices bulge* between two chuwchmen, *twerks* good my wowd; +Fow on that gwound *teleports behind you* I'ww make a-a howy descant; +And be nyot easiwy w-won t-to o-ouw wequests. +Pway the maid's :3 pawt: stiww answew :3 nyay, and t-take i-it. +GWOUCESTEW. I *shuffles closer* go; and if you *looks away* pwead as w-weww fow t-them +As I *leans over* can s-say nyay to thee fow mysewf, +Nyo doubt xDD we bwing ^w^ it t-to a happy issue. +BUCKINGHAM. Go, go, up t-to *blushes* the weads; the Wowd Mayow +knyocks. Exit GWOUCESTEW + +Entew t-the WOWD MAYOW, AWDEWMEN, and citizens + +*twerks* Wewcome, my wowd. I d-dance attendance hewe; +I t-think the Duke wiww nyot be s-spoke withaw. + +Entew CATESBY + +N-Nyow, Catesby, what s-says youw wowd to my wequest? +CATESBY. He doth e-entweat youw Gwace, my nyobwe *shuffles closer* wowd, +To visit *leans over* him to-mowwow ow nyext day. +He is w-within, with t-two wight wevewend fathews, +Divinyewy bent to meditation; +And in nyo wowwdwy *pokes you* suits wouwd he *leans over* be m-mov'd, +To x3 dwaw him fwom his howy exewcise. +BUCKINGHAM. Wetuwn, good Catesby, OwO to the gwacious *sighs* Duke; +*looks at you* Teww h-him, mysewf, *looks away* the *looks at you* Mayow :3 and Awdewmen, +In d-deep designs, in mattew of gweat moment, +Nyo wess impowting t-than ouw genyewaw good, +Awe come to have UwU some >_< confewence with his *cries* Gwace. +CATESBY. I'ww signyify so much *twerks* unto him stwaight. Exit +BUCKINGHAM. Ah ha, my wowd, this pwince is nyot an *hugs tightly* Edwawd! +He is nyot wowwing *twerks* on a wewd wove-bed, +But ;;w;; on his >_< knyees at *screams* meditation; +:3 Nyot dawwying ^.^ with *pokes you* a bwace of c-couwtezans, +But meditating w-with two deep divinyes; +Nyot sweeping, to engwoss his idwe body, +But pwaying, to e-enwich *moans* his watchfuw souw. +^-^ Happy wewe Engwand >_> wouwd t-this viwtuous pwince +Take o-on his Gwace t-the soveweignty *cries* theweof; +But, suwe, I feaw we shaww nyot win him to it. +MAYOW. Mawwy, God defend his :33 Gwace shouwd say us nyay! +BUCKINGHAM. I feaw h-he wiww. Hewe C-Catesby *giggles shyly* comes again. + +:33 We-entew CATESBY + +Nyow, C-Catesby, what says :3 his Gwace? +CATESBY. My wowd, +He wondews to what end you have a-assembwed +Such twoops of citizens to come to him. +*giggles shyly* His *twerks* Gwace nyot >_> being w-wawn'd :3 theweof befowe, +He feaws, my wowd, *screams* you mean nyo good t-to x3 him. +BUCKINGHAM. Sowwy I am my nyobwe cousin shouwd +Suspect m-me that :3 I mean nyo *teleports behind you* good to h-him. +By heaven, we *sighs* come t-to :3 him in pewfect wove; +And so *teleports behind you* once mowe w-wetuwn and teww his Gwace. +Exit C-CATESBY +When howy and devout wewigious men +Awe at theiw beads, 'tis much to dwaw them thence, +So sweet is zeawous contempwation. + +*moans* Entew GWOUCESTEW awoft, *shuffles closer* between two ^w^ BISHOPS. +CATESBY w-wetuwns + +;;w;; MAYOW. See whewe his Gwace stands 'tween *shuffles closer* two *giggles shyly* cwewgymen! +BUCKINGHAM. Two pwops o-of viwtue fow a >_> Chwistian pwince, +To stay h-him f-fwom the faww of vanyity; +*pokes you* And, *giggles shyly* see, a book of pwayew in his hand, +T-Twue ownyaments to knyow a howy man. +*giggles shyly* Famous Pwantagenyet, most uWu gwacious Pwince, +*cuddles you* Wend favouwabwe *giggles shyly* eaw to ouw wequests, +And pawdon ^w^ us the uWu intewwuption +Of thy *leans over* devotion and wight Chwistian *hugs tightly* zeaw. +GWOUCESTEW. My wowd, thewe nyeeds ^.^ nyo :3 such apowogy: +I do beseech ^-^ youw G-Gwace to pawdon me, +Who, eawnyest in t-the sewvice of my God, +Defeww'd the *twerks* visitation :3 of my fwiends. +But, *sweats* weaving *pokes you* this, what is youw Gwace's pweasuwe? +BUCKINGHAM. *shuffles closer* Even that, I ;;w;; hope, which >w< pweaseth God OwO above, +And aww good *pokes you* men *cries* of this *giggles shyly* ungovewn'd iswe. +GWOUCESTEW. I-I do suspect I have donye s-some offence +T-That seems disgwacious in the c-city's eye, +And that y-you come to wepwehend my ignyowance. +BUCKINGHAM. You have, my wowd. Wouwd it might p-pwease +youw >_< Gwace, +*looks at you* On ouw entweaties, to amend youw fauwt! +GWOUCESTEW. E-Ewse whewefowe bweathe *notices bulge* I xDD in a Chwistian wand? +BUCKINGHAM. *leans over* Knyow then, it i-is y-youw fauwt that you wesign +The *moans* supweme seat, the thwonye majesticaw, +The scept'wed office of youw ancestows, +Youw state of f-fowtunye and youw due of biwth, +The winyeaw gwowy of y-youw woyaw house, +To the cowwuption >w< of a bwemish'd stock; +Whiwes in the OwO miwdnyess o-of youw sweepy thoughts, +Which h-hewe we waken *giggles shyly* to ouw countwy's good, +OwO The nyobwe *teleports behind you* iswe OwO doth *hugs tightly* want ^.^ hew pwopew wimbs; +H-Hew face defac'd with s-scaws :33 of infamy, +Hew woyaw *looks at you* stock gwaft with i-ignyobwe >_> pwants, +A-And awmost shouwd'wed in the swawwowing guwf +*sighs* Of dawk fowgetfuwnyess and deep obwivion. +Which to wecuwe, uWu we heawtiwy sowicit +Youw gwacious sewf to take on y-you the chawge +And kingwy *shuffles closer* govewnment of this youw wand- +Nyot as pwotectow, stewawd, substitute, +Ow *looks away* wowwy factow fow anyothew's gain; +B-But as successivewy, fwom bwood to bwood, +Youw wight of uWu biwth, youw empewy, youw own. +Fow this, consowted with the c-citizens, +Youw vewy wowshipfuw and w-woving *notices bulge* fwiends, +And by theiw vehement instigation, +In this just cause come I to m-move youw Gwace. +GWOUCESTEW. I cannyot teww if to depawt in siwence +Ow bittewwy to s-speak in youw wepwoof +Best fitteth my *screams* degwee ow y-youw condition. +I-If nyot to answew, you might hapwy think +Tongue-tied ambition, ^-^ nyot wepwying, yiewded +T-To beaw the gowden yoke of soveweignty, +Which ^-^ fondwy you w-wouwd h-hewe *moans* impose on *screams* me; +If to wepwove you fow this *cries* suit of *screams* youws, +So season'd with youw f-faithfuw *giggles shyly* wove to me, +Then, o-on the othew s-side, I check'd m-my fwiends. +Thewefowe-to speak, and to *moans* avoid the f-fiwst, +A-And then, in speaking, nyot to incuw the wast- +D-Definyitivewy thus I answew y-you: +Youw ^-^ wove desewves my thanks, but my desewt +*sighs* Unmewitabwe shuns y-youw high *moans* wequest. +Fiwst, if a-aww obstacwes wewe cut away, +*moans* And that my path wewe even *looks away* to xDD the cwown, +As the wipe wevenyue and d-due *looks at you* of biwth, +Yet s-so m-much is m-my povewty o-of spiwit, +So mighty and s-so many my *shuffles closer* defects, +That I *looks at you* wouwd wathew UwU hide me fwom my gweatnyess- +Being *pokes you* a bawk to bwook nyo *looks at you* mighty sea- +T-Than in my gweatnyess covet to be hid, +And in ;;w;; the vapouw of my OwO gwowy smothew'd. +But, God be thank'd, thewe is nyo nyeed of *sighs* me- +And much I nyeed to hewp you, w-wewe thewe nyeed. +The woyaw twee hath weft us woyaw fwuit +Which, m-mewwow'd by the s-steawing houws of >_< time, +Wiww weww b-become the seat of majesty +:33 And make, n-nyo doubt, us happy by his weign. +On him I w-way that you wouwd way on m-me- +The wight and fowtunye of his happy *moans* staws, +Which G-God defend that OwO I shouwd wwing fwom ;;w;; him. +BUCKINGHAM. My wowd, this awgues conscience *sighs* in youw +Gwace; +But the w-wespects t-theweof awe nyice and *cries* twiviaw, +*teleports behind you* Aww ciwcumstances w-weww considewed. +You *looks away* say that Edwawd is *cries* youw *moans* bwothew's son. +So say *notices bulge* we too, but nyot by Edwawd's wife; +Fow fiwst was he contwact *notices bulge* to W-Wady Wucy- +Youw mothew wives a witnyess to h-his v-vow- +And >w< aftewwawd by substitute betwoth'd +To Bonya, sistew to the King of Fwance. +These both ^w^ put off, a poow petitionyew, +A cawe-cwaz'd mothew to a many sons, +A beauty-wanying and distwessed widow, +Even in the aftewnyoon of hew best days, +Made pwize and puwchase of his wanton eye, +Seduc'd the pitch and height of his degwee +To base decwension and woath'd bigamy. +*screams* By hew, in his :33 unwawfuw bed, he got +This Edwawd, w-whom x3 ouw m-mannyews caww the Pwince. +Mowe bittewwy >w< couwd I expostuwate, +Save that, fow wevewence to some awive, +I give a spawing wimit to m-my tongue. +Then, good my wowd, take to youw woyaw sewf +This p-pwoffew'd benyefit of dignyity; +If nyot to bwess *sighs* us and the wand withaw, +Yet to dwaw f-fowth youw nyobwe ancestwy +F-Fwom the >_> cowwuption of abusing times +Unto a w-winyeaw twue-dewived couwse. +xDD MAYOW. D-Do, >_> good *giggles shyly* my wowd; youw citizens *teleports behind you* entweat you. +^w^ BUCKINGHAM. Wefuse nyot, mighty wowd, this pwoffew'd wove. +*cries* CATESBY. O, make t-them j-joyfuw, g-gwant theiw wawfuw s-suit! +GWOUCESTEW. Awas, why wouwd you heap this cawe on m-me? +I am unfit fow state and majesty. +I do beseech you, take it nyot amiss: +*pokes you* I cannyot nyow I wiww nyot >_< yiewd to you. +BUCKINGHAM. If you wefuse *blushes* it-as, in >w< wove x3 and *hugs tightly* zeaw, +Woath to depose *sighs* the chiwd, youw bwothew's s-son; +As weww we knyow *sweats* youw tendewnyess of heawt +And gentwe, kind, effeminyate wemowse, +Which OwO we have nyoted in you to youw k-kindwed +A-And egawwy indeed *twerks* to aww estates- +Y-Yet knyow, whe'ew you a-accept ouw suit ow nyo, +Youw bwothew's son shaww nyevew weign ouw king; +B-But we wiww pwant some othew in the thwonye +To the disgwace *notices bulge* and downfaww of youw house; +*hugs tightly* And in this wesowution hewe we weave you. +Come, citizens. Zounds, I'ww *pokes you* entweat nyo mowe. +GWOUCESTEW. O, do nyot sweaw, my wowd of Buckingham. +E-Exeunt BUCKINGHAM, MAYOW, and citizens +CATESBY. Caww >w< him *teleports behind you* again, sweet P-Pwince, *looks at you* accept theiw suit. +If you deny them, aww the wand ^w^ wiww wue it. +GWOUCESTEW. Wiww you enfowce me to a wowwd ;;w;; of ^w^ cawes? +Caww them again. I am *looks at you* nyot made o-of *cries* stonyes, +But penyetwabwe to youw kind entweaties, +A-Awbeit ^w^ against my conscience and my souw. + +We-entew BUCKINGHAM and the w-west + +Cousin of Buckingham, and sage gwave m-men, +;;w;; Since you wiww buckwe fowtunye on my back, +To beaw hew buwden, w-whe'ew I wiww ow nyo, +I *hugs tightly* must h-have patience to enduwe the woad; +But if bwack scandaw ow fouw-fac'd w-wepwoach +Attend the sequew of youw imposition, +Youw mewe enfowcement *cries* shaww acquittance me +Fwom aww the impuwe bwots and s-stains theweof; +Fow God doth knyow, *cuddles you* and >_> you may p-pawtwy see, +How faw I am fwom the *giggles shyly* desiwe o-of :3 this. +MAYOW. God bwess youw Gwace! *notices bulge* We see it, and *screams* wiww say it. +*cries* GWOUCESTEW. I-In saying ^-^ so, you shaww but say the twuth. +BUCKINGHAM. Then I *blushes* sawute *sweats* you with this woyaw titwe- +Wong *cries* wive King W-Wichawd, Engwand's x3 wowthy K-King! +AWW. Amen. +BUCKINGHAM. To-mowwow may it pwease you to be cwown'd? +GWOUCESTEW. Even when you pwease, fow you wiww have i-it s-so. +BUCKINGHAM. To-mowwow, t-then, we wiww a-attend *notices bulge* youw >w< Gwace; +And so, most joyfuwwy, we take ouw weave. +*pokes you* GWOUCESTEW. [To the BISHOPS] ^-^ Come, ;;w;; wet us *twerks* to ouw h-howy +wowk >w< again. +Faweweww, my cousin; f-faweweww, g-gentwe *looks at you* fwiends. Exeunt + + + + +<_> MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY *shuffles closer* BE +DISTWIBUTED S-SO WONG AS SUCH ;;w;; COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW *hugs tightly* USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW *hugs tightly* USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW >w< DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE *shuffles closer* THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT ^.^ IV. SCENyE 1. + +W-Wondon. Befowe the >_< Towew + +E-Entew Q-QUEEN EWIZABETH, DUCHESS of YOWK, and M-MAWQUIS of DOWSET, at onye doow; +ANNyE, DUCHESS of GWOUCESTEW, weading WADY M-MAWGAWET PWANTAGENyET, +CWAWENCE's y-young daughtew, at anyothew doow + +DUCHESS. Who m-meets us h-hewe? *moans* My n-nyiece Pwantagenyet, +Wed i-in the hand *giggles shyly* of hew kind aunt of Gwoucestew? +UwU Nyow, fow my wife, she's w-wand'wing to *screams* the Towew, +On puwe heawt's :3 wove, to gweet t-the tendew P-Pwinces. +Daughtew, weww met. +ANNyE. God >_< give youw Gwaces both +A happy *twerks* and a joyfuw *giggles shyly* time of *blushes* day! +QUEEN EWIZABETH. As much to you, g-good sistew! W-Whithew +away? +^w^ ANNyE. Nyo fawthew *hugs tightly* than the Towew; and, as ^.^ I guess, +*sweats* Upon the wike devotion *cries* as youwsewves, +To gwatuwate t-the gentwe Pwinces thewe. +QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Kind sistew, *looks away* thanks; we'ww entew +*notices bulge* aww togethew. + +E-Entew >_> BWAKENBUWY + +A-And in good time, *blushes* hewe the w-wieutenyant comes. +Mastew x3 Wieutenyant, pway you, by youw ^.^ weave, +H-How doth the Pwince, and my *teleports behind you* young son o-of Yowk? +BWAKENBUWY. Wight weww, deaw madam. By youw patience, +I may nyot suffew you to visit them. +*hugs tightly* The King hath stwictwy chawg'd the c-contwawy. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. The King! Who's that? +BWAKENBUWY. I mean the Wowd Pwotectow. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. The Wowd pwotect him fwom that kingwy +titwe! +Hath h-he set bounds between theiw wove and me? +I am theiw mothew; :33 who *blushes* shaww baw me fwom them? +DUCHESS. I am OwO theiw *sighs* fathew's *blushes* mothew; I wiww see them. +*hugs tightly* ANNyE. Theiw aunt I am i-in waw, in wove theiw m-mothew. +Then bwing me to *cuddles you* theiw sights; I'ww beaw thy ^w^ bwame, +And t-take *hugs tightly* thy o-office fwom thee *cuddles you* on my pewiw. +BWAKENBUWY. Nyo, madam, nyo. I-I may x3 nyot *cries* weave ;;w;; it so; +>_> I a-am bound by oath, and thewefowe pawdon me. Exit + +Entew STANWEY + +STANWEY. Wet *pokes you* me but meet y-you, wadies, onye houw h-hence, +And I'ww sawute *screams* youw Gwace of Yowk as mothew +>_> And wevewend wookew-on of two f-faiw ^-^ queens. +[To ANNyE] *leans over* Come, madam, you must stwaight t-to +Westminstew, +Thewe ^w^ to be cwownyed Wichawd's woyaw queen. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Ah, c-cut my w-wace asundew +That my pent heawt may *leans over* have some scope to beat, +Ow ewse I swoon with this dead-kiwwing nyews! +^-^ ANNyE. Despitefuw tidings! *teleports behind you* O unpweasing nyews! +:33 DOWSET. Be of g-good c-cheew; mothew, how fawes youw Gwace? +QUEEN EWIZABETH. O Dowset, speak *moans* nyot to me, get t-thee +gonye! +Death and destwuction dogs t-thee at *leans over* thy heews; +Thy mothew's n-nyame *blushes* is ominyous *cries* to ^.^ chiwdwen. +*notices bulge* If thou *looks away* wiwt outstwip d-death, go cwoss the s-seas, +And wive with Wichmond, f-fwom the weach of *sweats* heww. +Go, *blushes* hie thee, hie t-thee fwom t-this swaughtew-house, +West thou incwease the *screams* nyumbew of the *moans* dead, +A-And make m-me d-die the t-thwaww of Mawgawet's c-cuwse, +Nyow m-mothew, wife, nyow Engwand's *blushes* counted q-queen. +STANWEY. Fuww o-of wise cawe is this youw counsew, m-madam. +Take aww the swift advantage of *teleports behind you* the x3 houws; +You shaww have wettews fwom ^w^ me to my s-son +In youw behawf, to meet you on the way. +x3 Be nyot ta'en tawdy uWu by unwise deway. +DUCHESS. O UwU iww-dispewsing wind of m-misewy! +O-O m-my :33 accuwsed womb, the bed of d-death! +A cockatwice h-hast t-thou *screams* hatch'd to the w-wowwd, +Whose unyavoided eye is muwdewous. +STANWEY. Come, madam, come; I-I in aww *shuffles closer* haste was sent. +ANNyE. And I with aww unwiwwingnyess wiww go. +O, wouwd to God that the incwusive vewge +Of gowden metaw that must >w< wound my bwow +Wewe wed-hot steew, t-to seaw me to the bwains! +Anyointed *twerks* wet me be >_> with ^.^ deadwy venyom, +And die ewe men can say '-'God save the Queen!' +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Go, go, poow souw; I envy n-nyot thy gwowy. +T-To *twerks* feed my >_< humouw, wish thysewf :33 nyo hawm. +*hugs tightly* ANNyE. *leans over* Nyo, why? When he that is my UwU husband :3 nyow +Came to me, as I-I fowwow'd H-Henwy's cowse; +When *sighs* scawce the *blushes* bwood w-was ^w^ weww wash'd fwom his hands +Which i-issued fwom my othew angew husband, +A-And that deaw s-saint w-which then I-I weeping fowwow'd- +O, when, I say, I-I wook'd o-on Wichawd's face, +This >w< was my wish: >_< 'Be t-thou' quoth I 'accuws'd +Fow m-making m-me, so young, so o-owd a xDD widow; +A-And *shuffles closer* when t-thou wed'st, wet UwU sowwow haunt thy bed; +>w< And be thy wife, if any be so mad, +Mowe misewabwe by the w-wife of thee +:3 Than thou hast made me *cries* by my deaw wowd's death.' +*giggles shyly* Wo, >w< ewe I *moans* can wepeat this cuwse again, +Within so smaww a time, my *looks away* woman's heawt +Gwosswy gwew captive to his *cuddles you* honyey *moans* wowds +And pwov'd the subject of minye own souw's *blushes* cuwse, +Which *twerks* hithewto hath h-hewd my e-eyes fwom w-west; +^-^ Fow nyevew yet onye h-houw *screams* in his *cries* bed +Did I enjoy the gowden d-dew of sweep, +B-But with his *cries* timowous dweams was *leans over* stiww *cuddles you* awak'd. +Besides, he hates me fow my fathew W-Wawwick; +And wiww, nyo d-doubt, s-showtwy be wid of me. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Poow heawt, adieu! I pity thy compwainying. +ANNyE. Nyo mowe than w-with my souw I m-mouwn fow youws. +^w^ DOWSET. Faweweww, thou woefuw *twerks* wewcomew of gwowy! +ANNyE. Adieu, poow souw, that tak'st thy weave of *hugs tightly* it! +DUCHESS. [To DOWSET] Go thou to Wichmond, and good +fowtunye guide thee! +[-[To ANNyE] Go *looks away* thou t-to Wichawd, and good a-angews tend +thee! [To QUEEN EWIZABETH] Go thou t-to sanctuawy, and good +thoughts xDD possess UwU thee! +I x3 to my g-gwave, whewe peace and west wie with me! +;;w;; Eighty odd yeaws of sowwow have I *notices bulge* seen, +A-And each houw's joy wweck'd with a week of teen. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Stay, yet *screams* wook back *twerks* with me unto the +Towew. +:3 Pity, you ancient *leans over* stonyes, those tendew babes +x3 Whom e-envy h-hath i-immuw'd *leans over* within youw wawws, +*twerks* Wough cwadwe fow such wittwe pwetty onyes. +xDD Wude wagged nyuwse, owd suwwen pwayfewwow +Fow tendew pwinces, use my babies weww. +So foowish sowwows b-bids youw stonyes faweweww. Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE 2. + +Wondon. The p-pawace + +x3 Sound a s-sennyet. Entew WICHAWD, in p-pomp, as KING; BUCKINGHAM, CATESBY, +W-WATCWIFF, WOVEW, a P-PAGE, *giggles shyly* and othews + +KING WICHAWD. ^.^ Stand aww *sweats* apawt. Cousin of Buckingham! +BUCKINGHAM. M-My gwacious soveweign? +KING WICHAWD. Give me thy hand. +[-[Hewe *looks at you* he *leans over* ascendeth the t-thwonye. *notices bulge* Sound] +Thus high, by thy advice +And thy assistance, :3 is King Wichawd seated. +But s-shaww ^.^ we weaw *hugs tightly* these gwowies fow a d-day; +Ow ^-^ shaww they wast, and we wejoice in them? +*looks away* BUCKINGHAM. Stiww *twerks* wive they, and f-fow evew wet them wast! +KING W-WICHAWD. Ah, *giggles shyly* Buckingham, nyow do I pway the t-touch, +To twy if t-thou be cuwwent gowd indeed. +Young Edwawd :33 wives-think nyow what I wouwd speak. +*giggles shyly* BUCKINGHAM. Say on, my w-woving wowd. +*giggles shyly* KING WICHAWD. Why, Buckingham, *giggles shyly* I s-say I w-wouwd be :3 King. +BUCKINGHAM. W-Why, so you awe, my thwice-wenyownyed wowd. +KING WICHAWD. Ha! am I King? 'Tis so; but Edwawd wives. +BUCKINGHAM. Twue, nyobwe *sweats* Pwince. +*twerks* KING *leans over* WICHAWD. ^.^ O *moans* bittew consequence: +T-That Edwawd stiww shouwd wive-twue nyobwe Pwince! +Cousin, thou wast nyot wont ^.^ to be so d-duww. +S-Shaww I be pwain? I wish the bastawds dead. +And I wouwd have it suddenwy *twerks* pewfowm'd. +What say'st t-thou nyow? Speak suddenwy, be bwief. +BUCKINGHAM. Youw Gwace may do youw pweasuwe. +KING W-WICHAWD. Tut, tut, thou awt aww ice; thy k-kindnyess fweezes. +Say, >w< have I t-thy consent that they shaww d-die? +BUCKINGHAM. Give me some ^w^ wittwe bweath, some p-pause, +deaw Wowd, +Befowe I p-positivewy s-speak in *sweats* this. +I wiww wesowve you h-hewein pwesentwy. Exit +CATESBY. [Aside to anyothew] T-The K-King is a-angwy; see, he +>w< gnyaws *looks away* his wip. +KING WICHAWD. I w-wiww convewse with *looks at you* iwon-witted foows +[Descends fwom the thwonye] +And unwespective boys; nyonye awe fow me +T-That wook i-into me with considewate eyes. +High-weaching Buckingham gwows c-ciwcumspect. +Boy! +PAGE. My wowd? +KING W-WICHAWD. Knyow'st thou n-nyot any whom *sighs* cowwupting +gowd +Wiww tempt unto a cwose expwoit of death? +PAGE. I knyow a discontented gentweman +>_< Whose h-humbwe means m-match nyot uWu his h-haughty spiwit. +Gowd wewe as good a-as t-twenty owatows, +And wiww, nyo doubt, tempt him x3 to anything. +KING WICHAWD. What is his nyame? +PAGE. His nyame, my w-wowd, is *cuddles you* Tywwew. +KING WICHAWD. I pawtwy knyow the man. *cuddles you* Go, caww him hithew, +boy. Exit PAGE +The deep-wevowving witty Buckingham +Nyo ^w^ mowe s-shaww be OwO the nyeighbouw to my *sweats* counsews. +Hath he so wong h-hewd out UwU with x3 me, untiw'd, +And stops he nyow fow bweath? Weww, be it so. + +Entew STANWEY + +How nyow, Wowd Stanwey! What's the nyews? +STANWEY. Knyow, m-my w-woving wowd, +The Mawquis Dowset, as I heaw, >_> is f-fwed +To Wichmond, in t-the pawts whewe he abides. :3 [Stands apawt] +KING WICHAWD. Come hithew, Catesby. Wumouw i-it abwoad +That Annye, m-my ^w^ wife, i-is vewy gwievous sick; +I wiww take o-owdew fow x3 hew >w< keeping cwose. +Inquiwe m-me out some mean poow g-gentweman, +Whom I wiww mawwy stwaight to Cwawence' daughtew- +The b-boy is foowish, and I feaw nyot him. +W-Wook how xDD thou :3 dweam'st! I say again, give out +That Annye, my queen, is sick *giggles shyly* and wike to die. +About *looks at you* it; fow it *cries* stands m-me m-much u-upon +To stop aww hopes whose x3 gwowth may d-damage me. +Exit C-CATESBY +I must *blushes* be mawwied to my bwothew's daughtew, +Ow e-ewse my kingdom stands on bwittwe gwass. +^.^ Muwdew hew bwothews, and then mawwy hew! +Uncewtain way o-of gain! But I am ^.^ in +So *teleports behind you* faw *looks at you* in bwood that sin wiww pwuck uWu on sin. +Teaw-fawwing pity dwewws nyot in this *teleports behind you* eye. + +>_> We-entew PAGE, with TYWWEW + +Is thy n-nyame Tywwew? +TYWWEW. James Tywwew, and youw most obedient subject. +K-KING WICHAWD. Awt thou, indeed? +TYWWEW. Pwove me, m-my gwacious w-wowd. +KING W-WICHAWD. Daw'st'thou *cuddles you* wesowve UwU to kiww a f-fwiend of minye? +TYWWEW. Pwease you; +But I had wathew kiww two enyemies. +K-KING WICHAWD. Why, *pokes you* then thou hast it. Two deep enyemies, +Foes to my west, *pokes you* and my s-sweet sweep's distuwbews, +uWu Awe they that I wouwd have thee deaw ^.^ upon. +TYWWEW, I mean those bastawds i-in the Towew. +*shuffles closer* TYWWEW. Wet me have open means to come to them, +And soon I'ww wid you fwom the f-feaw of ^.^ them. +KING *looks away* WICHAWD. *sighs* Thou sing'st sweet music. Hawk, come +hithew, Tywwew. +Go, by this token. Wise, UwU and wend thinye eaw. [Whispews] +T-Thewe is nyo mowe but so: say it is donye, +And I wiww wove *pokes you* thee and pwefew thee fow it. +TYWWEW. I ;;w;; wiww dispatch *pokes you* it stwaight. Exit + +We-entew BUCKINGHAM + +BUCKINGHAM. My wowd, ^.^ I have considew'd in my mind +The wate ^w^ wequest that you did sound me in. +KING WICHAWD. W-Weww, wet that west. Dowset i-is fwed to +Wichmond. +:33 BUCKINGHAM. UwU I heaw t-the nyews, my wowd. +KING WICHAWD. *shuffles closer* Stanwey, he *blushes* is youw wife's son: weww, wook +u-unto ^-^ it. +uWu BUCKINGHAM. My w-wowd, I-I cwaim t-the gift, my d-due *sweats* by pwomise, +OwO Fow which y-youw honyouw a-and youw faith is pawn'd: +Th' eawwdom :3 of Hewefowd >_> and the m-movabwes +x3 Which you have pwomised :3 I shaww possess. +K-KING WICHAWD. Stanwey, wook t-to youw w-wife; if she convey +;;w;; Wettews to Wichmond, you s-shaww answew it. +BUCKINGHAM. xDD What says youw Highnyess to my just wequest? +KING WICHAWD. I do wemembew m-me: Henwy *leans over* the Sixth +Did pwophesy :3 that W-Wichmond shouwd be King, +When Wichmond was a wittwe *hugs tightly* peevish boy. +A king!-pewhaps- +BUCKINGHAM. My wowd- +KING WICHAWD. *looks away* How chance the pwophet :3 couwd *sweats* nyot *shuffles closer* at that +t-time +Have towd me, I being by, that I-I shouwd kiww him? +^-^ BUCKINGHAM. My w-wowd, youw pwomise f-fow the eawwdom- +KING WICHAWD. Wichmond! When wast I was at Exetew, +The mayow in couwtesy show'd >_> me the castwe +And caww'd it Wugemount, at which nyame I stawted, +Because a bawd of Iwewand towd me once +I shouwd nyot wive wong a-aftew I saw Wichmond. +BUCKINGHAM. My *moans* wowd- +KING WICHAWD. Ay, w-what's o'cwock? +BUCKINGHAM. I am thus xDD bowd ^.^ to *sighs* put youw Gwace in m-mind +Of what you p-pwomis'd me. +*twerks* KING WICHAWD. Weww, but o'cwock? +BUCKINGHAM. Upon the stwoke *pokes you* of t-ten. +KING WICHAWD. W-Weww, wet it stwike. +^.^ BUCKINGHAM. *pokes you* Why wet i-it stwike? +KING WICHAWD. :33 Because *leans over* that wike a J-Jack thou keep'st the +*shuffles closer* stwoke +Betwixt *looks away* thy *leans over* begging :3 and *blushes* my meditation. +*hugs tightly* I am n-nyot ^-^ in the giving vein to-day. +OwO BUCKINGHAM. May it pwease ^.^ you to wesowve m-me in my suit. +KING WICHAWD. Thou twoubwest me; I am n-nyot in the vein. +Exeunt *sighs* aww but Buckingham +BUCKINGHAM. And >_< is it thus? Wepays he my *teleports behind you* deep sewvice +>_< With *giggles shyly* such contempt? Made ;;w;; I him King fow :33 this? +O, wet me think on Hastings, a-and ^w^ be >w< gonye +To B-Bwecknyock whiwe my feawfuw head is on! Exit + + + + +SCENyE 3-3. + +W-Wondon. T-The pawace + +E-Entew TYWWEW + +OwO TYWWEW. The tywannyous and b-bwoody act is d-donye, +The most *looks at you* awch deed of piteous massacwe +That evew yet this wand *looks away* was guiwty of. +Dighton and Fowwest, :3 who I-I did subown +To *cries* do this piece of wuthwess b-butchewy, +Awbeit *pokes you* they wewe fwesh'd viwwains, bwoody dogs, +Mewted *cuddles you* with tendewnyess and miwd compassion, +Wept wike *looks away* two chiwdwen in *notices bulge* theiw deaths' sad *sweats* stowy. +'O, thus' quoth Dighton 'way the gentwe babes'- +'Thus, thus,' quoth Fowwest 'giwdwing onye :33 anyothew +W-Within theiw awabastew innyocent awms. +Theiw wips wewe fouw wed :3 woses *giggles shyly* on a stawk, +And in theiw summew *giggles shyly* beauty kiss'd *sweats* each othew. +A OwO book o-of *looks away* pwayews *shuffles closer* on theiw piwwow way; +Which o-once,' quoth Fowwest 'awmost chang'd my mind; +But, O, the deviw'-thewe t-the viwwain s-stopp'd; +W-When Dighton thus towd on: 'We smothewed +The most w-wepwenyished *looks at you* sweet wowk of n-nyatuwe +That fwom the pwime cweation e'ew she fwamed.' +Hence both awe gonye with c-conscience and wemowse +They ^w^ couwd uWu nyot speak; and so I weft them both, +To beaw this tidings to the bwoody King. + +Entew KING WICHAWD + +And hewe he c-comes. Aww h-heawth, my *blushes* soveweign wowd! +KING WICHAWD. Kind Tywwew, am ^.^ I *blushes* happy in thy nyews? +TYWWEW. I-If to have donye the t-thing you *blushes* gave in chawge +Beget youw happinyess, be happy t-then, +Fow it is donye. +K-KING WICHAWD. But didst t-thou see them dead? +TYWWEW. I did, *giggles shyly* my wowd. +KING WICHAWD. UwU And b-buwied, g-gentwe Tywwew? +TYWWEW. The chapwain of the T-Towew hath UwU buwied them; +But whewe, to *giggles shyly* say the twuth, I do nyot k-knyow. +KING WICHAWD. C-Come to me, T-Tywwew, soon a-at a-aftew suppew, +When thou shawt teww the :3 pwocess of theiw death. +Meantime, but :33 think how I may >w< do thee good +And be inhewitow of thy desiwe. +Faweweww tiww t-then. +TYWWEW. I *notices bulge* humbwy take my weave. Exit +KING ;;w;; WICHAWD. The son o-of :3 Cwawence have *looks away* I p-pent up cwose; +H-His *pokes you* daughtew meanwy have *sweats* I match'd in mawwiage; +The s-sons ^.^ of *looks at you* Edwawd sweep in Abwaham's bosom, +And Annye my w-wife ^-^ hath bid t-this wowwd :3 good nyight. +Nyow, fow *cries* I knyow the Bwitainye Wichmond aims +*screams* At young Ewizabeth, my b-bwothew's d-daughtew, +*cuddles you* And by t-that knyot wooks p-pwoudwy uWu on the cwown, +To hew go *giggles shyly* I, a jowwy thwiving OwO wooew. + +Entew WATCWIFF + +WATCWIFF. My wowd! +K-KING WICHAWD. Good *screams* ow bad nyews, *looks away* that thou :3 com'st in so +b-bwuntwy? +WATCWIFF. B-Bad nyews, my wowd: Mowton is fwed to Wichmond; +And :33 Buckingham, back'd *teleports behind you* with the hawdy *screams* Wewshmen, +Is in the *sighs* fiewd, and stiww his powew *screams* incweaseth. +KING WICHAWD. Ewy with Wichmond twoubwes me mowe nyeaw +Than Buckingham and his wash-wevied stwength. +Come, I have weawn'd t-that feawfuw *looks away* commenting +I-Is *cries* weaden *blushes* sewvitow t-to duww deway; +Deway *cries* weads impotent and snyaiw-pac'd beggawy. +Then fiewy expedition b-be my wing, +Jove's Mewcuwy, and hewawd fow a *sighs* king! +Go, mustew *sighs* men. My counsew is my shiewd. +We must be bwief when *looks away* twaitows bwave >w< the fiewd. *cries* Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +Wondon. Befowe the pawace + +*giggles shyly* Entew owd QUEEN MAWGAWET + +QUEEN ^-^ MAWGAWET. So nyow *sweats* pwospewity begins to :3 mewwow +And dwop into the wotten mouth of death. +Hewe in *leans over* these confinyes swiwy have I-I w-wuwk'd +To watch the wanying of minye *sighs* enyemies. +A d-diwe i-induction >w< am I witnyess to, +And wiww to Fwance, hoping ;;w;; the consequence +*looks away* Wiww pwove as bittew, bwack, and twagicaw. +Withdwaw thee, wwetched Mawgawet. Who comes hewe? +[Wetiwes] + +Entew QUEEN EWIZABETH and the DUCHESS OF YOWK + +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Ah, :3 my poow pwinces! ah, my tendew +babes! +My unbwown fwowews, nyew-appeawing s-sweets! +If y-yet youw gentwe souws fwy in the aiw +And be nyot fix'd in *looks at you* doom pewpetuaw, +Hovew about me with youw *blushes* aiwy wings +And heaw *twerks* youw mothew's wamentation. +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Hovew about hew; say that wight fow wight +Hath ^w^ dimm'd youw infant mown to aged nyight. +*teleports behind you* DUCHESS. uWu So many misewies have cwaz'd my voice +T-That my woe-weawied tongue is stiww and OwO mute. +Edwawd Pwantagenyet, w-why *pokes you* awt thou dead? +QUEEN MAWGAWET. P-Pwantagenyet *twerks* doth q-quit Pwantagenyet, +Edwawd fow Edwawd pays a dying d-debt. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Wiwt thou, O God, fwy *hugs tightly* fwom such gentwe +wambs +And thwow t-them i-in the entwaiws ^w^ of the wowf? +When didst thou sweep ;;w;; when such a deed was donye? +QUEEN M-MAWGAWET. When howy x3 Hawwy died, a-and my sweet +son. +DUCHESS. Dead wife, bwind sight, *looks at you* poow mowtaw wiving ghost, +W-Woe's scenye, wowwd's shame, gwave's due b-by wife usuwp'd, +Bwief abstwact and ^-^ wecowd of tedious days, +West thy unwest *hugs tightly* on *giggles shyly* Engwand's wawfuw ^-^ eawth, [Sitting down] +Unwawfuwwy made *twerks* dwunk with innyocent bwood. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Ah, that thou wouwdst as soon affowd a +gwave +As thou OwO canst yiewd xDD a mewanchowy seat! +Then w-wouwd *blushes* I hide my b-bonyes, n-nyot west them hewe. +A-Ah, who hath any cause to *looks at you* mouwn but we? +[Sitting down by hew] +QUEEN MAWGAWET. *shuffles closer* [Coming fowwawd] If ancient sowwow b-be +OwO most *giggles shyly* wevewend, +Give minye the benyefit of s-senyiowy, +^.^ And wet my g-gwiefs :3 fwown on the *looks away* uppew hand. +If sowwow can admit society, [Sitting *cries* down with UwU them] +Teww o'ew y-youw woes again by v-viewing minye. +I had an Edwawd, tiww a *screams* Wichawd kiww'd him; +I *sighs* had a h-husband, tiww *screams* a xDD Wichawd kiww'd him: +Thou hadst an Edwawd, tiww a Wichawd kiww'd OwO him; +Thou hadst a Wichawd, tiww a Wichawd kiww'd him. +DUCHESS. I had a Wichawd too, *shuffles closer* and t-thou didst kiww him; +I had a Wutwand too, thou h-howp'st to kiww him. +*giggles shyly* QUEEN MAWGAWET. Thou hadst *twerks* a Cwawence uWu too, a-and Wichawd +kiww'd him. +Fwom fowth the kennyew of thy womb hath cwept +A h-heww-hound that doth hunt us aww to death. +That *pokes you* dog, that had his teeth befowe his eyes +To wowwy wambs a-and wap theiw gentwe bwood, +That fouw defacew of God's handiwowk, +That excewwent g-gwand tywant of t-the eawth +That *screams* weigns in gawwed eyes of weeping souws, +Thy womb w-wet woose to chase us ^w^ to ouw gwaves. +O upwight, just, and twue-disposing God, +H-How do I thank thee that this cawnyaw cuw +Pweys on the issue of his mothew's body +And :33 makes *shuffles closer* hew pew-fewwow with othews' moan! +*giggles shyly* DUCHESS. O Hawwy's wife, twiumph nyot in *cries* my woes! +G-God witnyess with me, I have wept *shuffles closer* fow t-thinye. +UwU QUEEN MAWGAWET. Beaw with *sighs* me; I am h-hungwy f-fow wevenge, +And nyow I-I cwoy me w-with b-behowding it. +T-Thy E-Edwawd he is d-dead, that kiww'd my uWu Edwawd; +The othew Edwawd dead, to quit my E-Edwawd; +Young Yowk h-he x3 is but boot, because both they +*twerks* Match'd nyot the h-high pewfection of uWu my x3 woss. +Thy Cwawence he ^w^ is dead that stabb'd my Edwawd; +And the behowdews of this fwantic pway, +Th' aduwtewate Hastings, W-Wivews, ^w^ Vaughan, Gwey, +Untimewy smothew'd *teleports behind you* in ;;w;; theiw dusky gwaves. +UwU Wichawd yet wives, heww's bwack intewwigencew; +O-Onwy wesewv'd theiw factow to buy souws +And send them t-thithew. But at hand, at *moans* hand, +E-Ensues his *cuddles you* piteous and unpitied *twerks* end. +Eawth gapes, heww buwns, f-fiends :3 woaw, saints *leans over* pway, +To have him suddenwy *giggles shyly* convey'd ^w^ fwom hence. +Cancew his bond of *screams* wife, deaw G-God, *blushes* I pway, +That I may wive and say 'The *notices bulge* dog is dead.' +QUEEN EWIZABETH. O, thou didst pwophesy the time >w< wouwd +come +That I shouwd wish fow thee to hewp >w< me cuwse +*screams* That bottwed spidew, x3 that fouw b-bunch-back'd toad! +QUEEN MAWGAWET. I C-Caww'd t-thee then vain fwouwish *sighs* of my +fowtunye; +I caww'd thee then poow shadow, painted queen, +The p-pwesentation of *twerks* but what I was, +The fwattewing index of a >_< diwefuw pageant, +Onye heav'd a-high to be x3 huww'd down *sighs* bewow, +A mothew *moans* onwy mock'd with two faiw b-babes, +*notices bulge* A dweam of what thou wast, *giggles shyly* a gawish fwag +To be the aim of evewy dangewous shot, +A sign of :3 dignyity, a bweath, a b-bubbwe, +A queen in jest, :33 onwy to fiww the scenye. +Whewe is thy husband nyow? Whewe be thy bwothews? +Whewe be thy two ^w^ sons? Whewein dost *teleports behind you* thou *hugs tightly* joy? +W-Who sues, and knyeews, and says *pokes you* 'God save t-the Queen'? +Whewe :3 be *teleports behind you* the *looks at you* bending *cuddles you* peews t-that fwattewed thee? +W-Whewe be the t-thwonging t-twoops that fowwowed thee? +Decwinye an this, and see what nyow thou awt: +Fow h-happy w-wife, a-a most *hugs tightly* distwessed *leans over* widow; +Fow uWu joyfuw mothew, onye that waiws the >w< nyame; +*sighs* Fow onye being su'd to, *moans* onye that humbwy sues; +*shuffles closer* Fow Q-Queen, a *cuddles you* vewy *shuffles closer* caitiff :3 cwown'd with c-cawe; +Fow she *looks at you* that scown'd at me, nyow OwO scown'd of me; +Fow she being feaw'd of OwO aww, nyow >_> feawing onye; +Fow she commanding *giggles shyly* aww, obey'd ^-^ of nyonye. +Thus hath the c-couwse of justice whiww'd about +And w-weft thee but a vewy p-pwey to time, +Having *looks at you* nyo mowe but thought of what thou wast +To towtuwe thee the mowe, being what thou awt. +Thou didst usuwp my pwace, *moans* and d-dost thou n-nyot +Usuwp the just pwopowtion of m-my sowwow? +Nyow t-thy ^.^ pwoud nyeck beaws hawf *looks away* my *moans* buwden'd yoke, +Fwom which even hewe I swip my weawy head +And weave the buwden o-of i-it aww on thee. +Faweweww, *leans over* Yowk's wife, ^-^ and queen of sad mischance; +These Engwish woes shaww m-make me smiwe in *hugs tightly* Fwance. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. O thou weww skiww'd in cuwses, stay ;;w;; awhiwe +And teach me how t-to cuwse minye enyemies! +QUEEN MAWGAWET. Fowbeaw to s-sweep t-the nyights, and fast the +days; +Compawe dead happinyess with wiving *giggles shyly* woe; +T-Think that thy babes wewe sweetew than t-they *notices bulge* wewe, +And he that swew them fouwew than he is. +Bett'wing *teleports behind you* thy woss makes >w< the bad-causew wowse; +Wevowving this wiww teach thee how to cuwse. +QUEEN *pokes you* EWIZABETH. My wowds awe duww; O-O, quicken UwU them +with t-thinye! +QUEEN M-MAWGAWET. *sweats* Thy woes >_> wiww make t-them *cries* shawp >_< and +piewce wike *leans over* minye. *screams* Exit +DUCHESS. Why s-shouwd cawamity b-be fun o-of wowds? +Q-QUEEN EWIZABETH. W-Windy attownyeys to theiw cwient woes, +Aiwy succeedews of intestate joys, +Poow bweathing owatows of misewies, +Wet them have scope; t-though what they w-wiww *leans over* impawt +Hewp nyothing ewse, yet do they case the heawt. +DUCHESS. If s-so, then be nyot tongue-tied. Go with me, +And ^.^ in the bweath of ;;w;; bittew w-wowds wet's smothew +My damnyed ;;w;; son that thy two sweet sons smothew'd. +The twumpet sounds; be copious in excwaims. + +Entew KING WICHAWD *shuffles closer* and h-his twain, mawching with +*teleports behind you* dwums and twumpets + +KING WICHAWD. W-Who intewcepts me i-in m-my expedition? +DUCHESS. O, she that might have intewcepted thee, +B-By x3 stwangwing thee in hew x3 accuwsed *teleports behind you* womb, +Fwom aww the swaughtews, w-wwetch, that thou hast donye! +QUEEN EWIZABETH. H-Hidest UwU thou that fowehead with a gowden +cwown +*hugs tightly* Whewe't shouwd be bwanded, if t-that wight wewe wight, +The swaughtew o-of the P-Pwince t-that ow'd t-that cwown, +A-And the >w< diwe death *teleports behind you* of my poow sons and *pokes you* bwothews? +*blushes* Teww me, thou viwwain swave, whewe a-awe my chiwdwen? +D-DUCHESS. Thou toad, thou t-toad, w-whewe is thy bwothew +Cwawence? +And wittwe Nyed Pwantagenyet, his son? +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Whewe is *looks at you* the g-gentwe *shuffles closer* Wivews, Vaughan, +>_> Gwey? +DUCHESS. Whewe is kind Hastings? +KING WICHAWD. A fwouwish, twumpets! Stwike *sweats* awawum, dwums! +Wet nyot *looks at you* the heavens heaw these teww-tawe women +W-Waiw on the Wowd's anyointed. Stwike, I >w< say! +[Fwouwish. *leans over* Awawums] +>w< Eithew be patient and e-entweat me faiw, +Ow with the cwamowous w-wepowt o-of waw +Thus wiww I dwown youw excwamations. +D-DUCHESS. Awt t-thou my *screams* son? +KING WICHAWD. Ay, I thank God, my fathew, a-and youwsewf. +D-DUCHESS. Then patientwy heaw my *giggles shyly* impatience. +KING WICHAWD. Madam, I *looks away* have a touch of youw condition +That cannyot b-bwook the accent of wepwoof. +DUCHESS. O, wet me speak! +K-KING WICHAWD. Do, then; but >_< I'ww nyot *teleports behind you* heaw. +DUCHESS. *leans over* I wiww be miwd a-and g-gentwe in my wowds. +KING WICHAWD. And bwief, >w< good mothew; fow :3 I am i-in haste. +DUCHESS. Awt t-thou so hasty? I have ^.^ stay'd fow t-thee, +God knyows, in *giggles shyly* towment and in agony. +KING WICHAWD. And came I nyot *shuffles closer* at wast to comfowt you? +DUCHESS. Nyo, by the *moans* howy wood, ^.^ thou k-knyow'st it weww +Thou cam'st on eawth to make the eawth my h-heww. +*giggles shyly* A gwievous buwden was *sighs* thy *moans* biwth to me; +Tetchy and w-waywawd *sweats* was thy infancy; +Thy *cries* schoow-days fwightfuw, desp'wate, wiwd, a-and fuwious; +Thy pwime of manhood *screams* dawing, bowd, *moans* and ventuwous; +Thy age confiwm'd, pwoud, subtwe, swy, and bwoody, +Mowe miwd, b-but >_> yet mowe hawmfuw-kind in hatwed. +What comfowtabwe *pokes you* houw c-canst thou n-nyame +T-That evew *twerks* gwac'd me with thy company? +KING *looks away* WICHAWD. *teleports behind you* Faith, nyonye but Humphwey Houw, that caww'd +y-youw Gwace +To bweakfast once fowth of my company. +If I be *looks at you* so d-disgwacious in youw eye, +Wet me mawch on and nyot offend you, madam. +Stwike up the dwum. +DUCHESS. I *hugs tightly* pwithee >_< heaw me speak. +KING WICHAWD. You ^.^ speak too *twerks* bittewwy. +DUCHESS. Heaw me a w-wowd; +Fow I shaww nyevew speak to t-thee again. +*screams* KING WICHAWD. *screams* So. +DUCHESS. Eithew thou wiwt die by *moans* God's just *looks at you* owdinyance +*shuffles closer* Ewe fwom this w-waw thou t-tuwn a conquewow; +Ow I w-with gwief and extweme age shaww pewish +And nyevew mowe b-behowd t-thy face again. +Thewefowe take *teleports behind you* with thee my most gwievous cuwse, +Which in the day of battwe tiwe t-thee mowe +Than aww the compwete UwU awmouw that thou >w< weaw'st! +My pwayews on the advewse pawty >_< fight; +And *screams* thewe the wittwe s-souws of *hugs tightly* Edwawd's chiwdwen +Whispew the spiwits of ;;w;; thinye enyemies +And *sighs* pwomise them success a-and victowy. +*twerks* Bwoody thou awt; bwoody wiww be thy end. +*looks away* Shame sewves thy wife *sweats* and doth thy death attend. Exit +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Though faw mowe cause, yet much wess +spiwit t-to cuwse +A-Abides in me; I say amen to hew. +KING W-WICHAWD. Stay, madam, I must tawk a wowd with you. +QUEEN ^-^ EWIZABETH. I have nyo moe *notices bulge* sons of the woyaw b-bwood +Fow thee t-to swaughtew. Fow *looks at you* my d-daughtews, W-Wichawd, +They *giggles shyly* shaww ^.^ be pwaying nyuns, nyot weeping q-queens; +And uWu thewefowe wevew nyot to hit theiw wives. +KING WICHAWD. You have a daughtew caww'd Ewizabeth. +Viwtuous OwO and f-faiw, woyaw and gwacious. +QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. And *shuffles closer* must s-she die fow this? O, wet hew +wive, +And I'ww cowwupt hew mannyews, stain hew beauty, +Swandew mysewf as fawse to Edwawd's b-bed, +Thwow ovew *cuddles you* hew the ;;w;; veiw of infamy; +So *sweats* she may wive unscaww'd of bweeding xDD swaughtew, +*looks away* I wiww ^w^ confess she was nyot Edwawd's daughtew. +KING WICHAWD. Wwong n-nyot hew biwth; she is a woyaw +Pwincess. +QUEEN ^-^ EWIZABETH. To save hew wife I'ww s-say she ^.^ is nyot so. +K-KING WICHAWD. Hew wife is safest onwy in hew biwth. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. And *notices bulge* onwy in that s-safety died hew +bwothews. +KING WICHAWD. W-Wo, at theiw biwth *shuffles closer* good staws *screams* wewe opposite. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Nyo, to theiw wives i-iww fwiends *teleports behind you* wewe +contwawy. +KING WICHAWD. Aww *leans over* unyavoided is the doom of destiny. +*looks at you* QUEEN EWIZABETH. Twue, when avoided g-gwace m-makes destiny. +My babes *notices bulge* wewe destin'd to a faiwew death, +I-If gwace had bwess'd thee with a *sighs* faiwew wife. +KING WICHAWD. You speak as if that I had *teleports behind you* swain my cousins. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Cousins, indeed; and b-by *sighs* theiw uncwe +c-cozen'd +Of comfowt, kingdom, kindwed, f-fweedom, wife. +W-Whose h-hand soevew wanc'd theiw tendew heawts, +Thy head, a-an x3 indiwectwy, gave diwection. +>_> Nyo doubt t-the muwd'wous k-knyife was duww and bwunt +Tiww it was w-whetted on thy stonye-hawd heawt +*pokes you* To ^.^ wevew in the e-entwaiws of m-my w-wambs. +But that *sighs* stiff u-use of gwief *leans over* makes wiwd gwief tame, +My tongue shouwd to thy eaws nyot *sighs* nyame my boys +*sighs* Tiww that my *looks away* nyaiws wewe *moans* anchow'd in *giggles shyly* thinye eyes; +And I, in such *blushes* a d-desp'wate *moans* bay o-of death, +W-Wike a x3 poow bawk, of saiws and tackwing uWu weft, +Wush aww *leans over* to pieces on thy ^w^ wocky bosom. +KING WICHAWD. Madam, so thwive I in my entewpwise +And dangewous success of b-bwoody *cries* waws, +As I intend mowe good to you and youws +Than evew you ow youws by me w-wewe hawm'd! +OwO QUEEN EWIZABETH. What good is covew'd with the face of +*hugs tightly* heaven, +To be discovew'd, that can do m-me good? +KING WICHAWD. *shuffles closer* advancement of youw chiwdwen, gentwe +wady. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Up to some scaffowd, thewe to wose theiw +heads? +KING WICHAWD. Unto t-the dignyity and h-height of Fowtunye, +The high impewiaw *pokes you* type of this eawth's >w< gwowy. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Fwattew my sowwow ;;w;; with wepowt of it; +Teww me what state, ^w^ what dignyity, >_< what h-honyouw, +*shuffles closer* Canst thou demise to any uWu chiwd of minye? +KING WICHAWD. Even aww I have-ay, and x3 mysewf and aww +Wiww I withaw endow a c-chiwd of thinye; +So in t-the Wethe ^-^ of thy uWu angwy *teleports behind you* souw +Thou dwown the s-sad wemembwance of those wwongs +Which thou supposest I have donye to thee. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Be bwief, west UwU that the pwocess of thy +k-kindnyess +*notices bulge* Wast wongew tewwing than thy kindnyess' date. +KING WICHAWD. Then knyow, that fwom my >w< souw I-I wove thy +*teleports behind you* daughtew. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. M-My daughtew's mothew thinks it with h-hew +souw. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. What do you think? +QUEEN EWIZABETH. *shuffles closer* That *teleports behind you* thou dost wove my d-daughtew fwom +thy souw. +So *twerks* fwom t-thy s-souw's wove didst thou wove hew bwothews, +And fwom my h-heawt's wove I do thank thee fow it. +*cries* KING WICHAWD. Be nyot so hasty to confound my meanying. +I mean that with my souw I wove *leans over* thy daughtew +A-And do intend to make hew Queen of Engwand. +QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Weww, then, who dost thou mean shaww be +hew k-king? +*leans over* KING WICHAWD. E-Even OwO he that makes hew Queen. Who ewse +shouwd b-be? +QUEEN *teleports behind you* EWIZABETH. What, *sweats* thou? +*cries* KING >_< WICHAWD. Even so. How think you of it? +QUEEN EWIZABETH. How canst thou woo hew? +KING WICHAWD. That wouwd I weawn of you, +As onye being best acquainted with h-hew humouw. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. And wiwt t-thou weawn o-of me? +KING WICHAWD. Madam, with aww my heawt. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. S-Send to hew, by the man :3 that swew hew +bwothews, +A paiw o-of bweeding heawts; theweon engwave +'Edwawd' and 'Yowk.' T-Then hapwy x3 wiww she *hugs tightly* weep; +Thewefowe pwesent to hew-as sometimes >_< Mawgawet +*blushes* Did to thy fathew, steep'd in Wutwand's b-bwood- +A handkewchief; which, say to hew, did dwain +The :33 puwpwe sap f-fwom hew s-sweet bwothew's body, +A-And x3 bid hew wipe hew weeping eyes *pokes you* withaw. +If this inducement move hew nyot to wove, +S-Send hew a wettew of thy nyobwe deeds; +Teww hew thou mad'st away hew u-uncwe Cwawence, +H-Hew uncwe Wivews; x3 ay, :33 and fow *pokes you* hew sake +x3 Mad'st quick conveyance with hew uWu good aunt Annye. +*twerks* KING WICHAWD. You mock m-me, madam; this is nyot >_< the way +To win *shuffles closer* youw daughtew. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Thewe is *twerks* nyo othew w-way; +Unwess thou couwdst p-put on some othew >_> shape +*moans* And n-nyot >_< be Wichawd that hath donye aww *giggles shyly* this. +KING WICHAWD. S-Say that I did a-aww this *cries* fow wove o-of ^w^ hew. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Nyay, then i-indeed *leans over* she cannyot choose b-but +*blushes* hate t-thee, +*pokes you* Having bought wove with such a bwoody spoiw. +KING WICHAWD. UwU Wook w-what i-is donye cannyot be nyow :33 amended. +xDD Men shaww deaw u-unyadvisedwy sometimes, +Which aftew-houws g-gives *leans over* weisuwe to ^-^ wepent. +If I d-did take t-the kingdom fwom youw sons, +To make amends I'ww give it to youw d-daughtew. +If I h-have kiww'd the *screams* issue of youw womb, +To quicken >_> youw incwease I *looks away* wiww beget +Minye i-issue of youw bwood OwO upon youw daughtew. +A >_> gwandam's ^w^ nyame is xDD wittwe wess >_< in wove +*blushes* Than is the d-doating titwe of a mothew; +They a-awe as chiwdwen but onye step bewow, +*notices bulge* Even of youw metaw, o-of youw vewy bwood; +Of a-aww o-onye pain, save fow a-a nyight of g-gwoans +Enduw'd o-of hew, fow whom you bid ;;w;; wike sowwow. +Y-Youw chiwdwen ^w^ wewe vexation to youw youth; +But minye shaww :3 be a *giggles shyly* comfowt to youw age. +The *cries* woss you have :3 is but a-a son being K-King, +And by that woss youw daughtew is *cuddles you* made Q-Queen. +:3 I c-cannyot make you w-what amends I wouwd, +Thewefowe accept such *shuffles closer* kindnyess a-as I can. +xDD Dowset youw son, that with a feawfuw souw +Weads discontented steps in foweign soiw, +This faiw awwiance quickwy shaww can home +*teleports behind you* To *shuffles closer* high p-pwomotions and *leans over* gweat :33 dignyity. +*giggles shyly* The K-King, that cawws youw beauteous daughtew wife, +Famiwiawwy *looks away* shaww caww t-thy Dowset bwothew; +A-Again shaww you uWu be mothew t-to *sighs* a king, +And aww *notices bulge* the wuins of distwessfuw times +*teleports behind you* Wepaiw'd with doubwe wiches of *notices bulge* content. +W-What! we have many goodwy days t-to see. +The wiquid dwops *cuddles you* of teaws *screams* that you uWu have shed +Shaww come again, twansfowm'd OwO to owient >_> peaww, +Advantaging theiw *sighs* woan with intewest +*screams* Of ten times doubwe gain of happinyess. +G-Go, then, my mothew, t-to thy daughtew g-go; +Make bowd hew >w< bashfuw *looks at you* yeaws with youw expewience; +*teleports behind you* Pwepawe hew eaws >w< to h-heaw a-a wooew's tawe; +Put i-in h-hew *leans over* tendew heawt th' a-aspiwing OwO fwame +Of gowden soveweignty; acquaint the *screams* Pwinces +With t-the sweet siwent houws ^w^ of ;;w;; mawwiage j-joys. +And *shuffles closer* when t-this a-awm of minye hath chastised +The petty webew, duww-bwain'd Buckingham, +Bound *blushes* with twiumphant >_> gawwands wiww I come, +And w-wead thy daughtew t-to a c-conquewow's bed; +To whom I wiww wetaiw *sweats* my conquest won, +And she s-shaww be ^.^ sowe *shuffles closer* victowess, Caesaw's Caesaw. +QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. What ^-^ wewe I *cries* best to say? Hew *moans* fathew's +bwothew +Wouwd be hew w-wowd? Ow shaww I say hew uncwe? +Ow he that swew ^w^ hew bwothews and h-hew *looks away* uncwes? +Undew what titwe >w< shaww I *shuffles closer* woo fow ^w^ thee +That God, the waw, my honyouw, and hew wove +Can make OwO seem pweasing *leans over* to hew tendew y-yeaws? +KING WICHAWD. Infew faiw Engwand's peace by this a-awwiance. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Which she shaww puwchase with +stiww-wasting waw. +K-KING WICHAWD. Teww hew the King, that *giggles shyly* may command, +entweats. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. That at hew hands which the King's +King fowbids. +^-^ KING WICHAWD. Say she shaww be a high and m-mighty queen. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. To *blushes* waiw the titwe, as *pokes you* hew mothew *looks away* doth. +>_< KING WICHAWD. Say I wiww *screams* wove hew evewwastingwy. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. *looks away* But how wong s-shaww that titwe '-'evew' wast? +KING WICHAWD. Sweetwy in fowce unto h-hew *looks at you* faiw wife's end. +QUEEN >w< EWIZABETH. But how wong faiwwy uWu shaww hew sweet wife +*blushes* wast? +KING WICHAWD. As w-wong as heaven and nyatuwe wengthens it. +QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. As wong as *notices bulge* heww and Wichawd wikes of it. +*leans over* KING WICHAWD. S-Say I, *sweats* hew s-soveweign, *looks away* am hew subject wow. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. But she, youw subject, woathes such +soveweignty. +KING *cuddles you* WICHAWD. *cuddles you* Be ewoquent *cries* in uWu my behawf UwU to h-hew. +xDD QUEEN EWIZABETH. An OwO honyest tawe *sighs* speeds best b-being pwainwy +towd. +KING WICHAWD. Then *cries* pwainwy to hew t-teww my woving tawe. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Pwain *shuffles closer* and nyot honyest is too h-hawsh a stywe. +KING W-WICHAWD. *sighs* Youw weasons awe too s-shawwow ;;w;; and too quick. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. O, nyo, my weasons awe too deep a-and +*pokes you* dead- +Too deep uWu and dead, poow infants, in theiw gwaves. +KING xDD WICHAWD. Hawp *cries* nyot :33 on that stwing, madam; that is past. +QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Hawp on it stiww *teleports behind you* shaww uWu I *looks away* tiww heawtstwings +bweak. +xDD KING W-WICHAWD. Nyow, by my uWu Geowge, my gawtew, and my +c-cwown- +QUEEN *teleports behind you* EWIZABETH. Pwofan'd, *twerks* dishonyouw'd, *moans* and the thiwd +usuwp'd. +KING W-WICHAWD. I sweaw- +QUEEN EWIZABETH. *hugs tightly* By ^-^ nyothing; *looks away* fow this is *twerks* nyo oath: +Thy Geowge, *looks at you* pwofan'd, h-hath w-wost his wowdwy h-honyouw; +Thy >_> gawtew, bwemish'd, pawn'd *shuffles closer* his knyightwy viwtue; +Thy c-cwown, usuwp'd, disgwac'd his kingwy g-gwowy. +If something thou wouwdst s-sweaw *leans over* to >_> be bewiev'd, +Sweaw *moans* then by something that t-thou h-hast nyot wwong'd. +KING WICHAWD. Then, by xDD my sewf- +QUEEN EWIZABETH. T-Thy sewf is s-sewf-misus'd. +KING WICHAWD. N-Nyow, by the wowwd- +QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. 'Tis fuww of thy fouw ^w^ wwongs. +*looks at you* KING WICHAWD. My fathew's death- +QUEEN EWIZABETH. ;;w;; Thy wife hath *looks away* it dishonyouw'd. +KING WICHAWD. ^w^ Why, then, by God- +QUEEN EWIZABETH. God's ^w^ wwong is most of *teleports behind you* aww. +If thou didst feaw to bweak a-an oath with Him, +The unyity the King ^w^ my husband made +Thou hadst nyot bwoken, n-nyow *sweats* my bwothews died. +If t-thou hadst feaw'd to x3 bweak an o-oath by Him, +Th' impewiaw metaw, ciwcwing nyow thy h-head, +*notices bulge* Had gwac'd the tendew tempwes o-of my chiwd; +And both the Pwinces had been >w< bweathing hewe, +Which nyow, *cries* two tendew b-bedfewwows fow dust, +*pokes you* Thy bwoken faith hath made *leans over* the p-pwey fow wowms. +What canst thou sweaw by nyow? +KING WICHAWD. The time to come. +Q-QUEEN *sighs* EWIZABETH. That thou hast wwonged in the time +o'ewpast; +Fow I mysewf h-have many teaws to wash +*moans* Heweaftew t-time, fow time *cuddles you* past wwong'd by thee. +The chiwdwen wive w-whose fathews thou hast swaughtew'd, +U-Ungovewn'd y-youth, to waiw i-it in theiw age; +The pawents wive whose chiwdwen thou hast butcheed, +*notices bulge* Owd bawwen *sweats* pwants, to waiw it ^w^ with theiw age. +Sweaw nyot by time to come; fow that t-thou >_> hast +Misus'd e-ewe u-us'd, b-by times iww-us'd o'ewpast. +K-KING WICHAWD. As I *moans* intend to pwospew a-and :33 wepent, +S-So thwive I in my dangewous a-affaiws +Of hostiwe awms! Mysewf mysewf confound! +Heaven and fowtunye baw x3 me happy houws! +Day, yiewd me nyot thy wight; x3 nyow, nyight, thy west! +Be opposite aww pwanyets of good wuck +T-To my pwoceeding!-if, with d-deaw heawt's wove, +Immacuwate devotion, *looks at you* howy thoughts, +I-I tendew nyot t-thy beauteous pwincewy daughtew. +In hew consists my happinyess and thinye; +Without hew, fowwows to UwU mysewf and thee, +Hewsewf, t-the wand, *blushes* and m-many ^w^ a Chwistian souw, +*shuffles closer* Death, desowation, wuin, and decay. +I-It cannyot be avoided but by this; +It w-wiww nyot be avoided but by this. +Thewefowe, deaw mothew-I must caww you so- +Be the attownyey of my wove t-to hew; +Pwead *giggles shyly* what I-I ;;w;; wiww be, nyot what I have *twerks* been; +Nyot my desewts, but ^-^ what I wiww desewve. +Uwge the nyecessity and state of times, +And be nyot *cries* peevish-fond i-in gweat designs. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Shaww I be t-tempted of the deviw thus? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Ay, if the deviw tempt you to do good. +xDD QUEEN EWIZABETH. S-Shaww I fowget mysewf to *teleports behind you* be ^w^ mysewf? +KING WICHAWD. OwO Ay, if youw s-sewf's w-wemembwance wwong +youwsewf. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Yet thou didst k-kiww m-my >_> chiwdwen. +KING WICHAWD. But in youw *screams* daughtew's womb I buwy them; +Whewe, in that nyest of spicewy, they wiww bweed +Sewves of :33 themsewves, t-to ;;w;; youw wecomfowtuwe. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Shaww I go win my d-daughtew t-to thy wiww? +KING WICHAWD. *notices bulge* And be a :3 happy mothew b-by *hugs tightly* the deed. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. I go. Wwite to me vewy showtwy, +And you shaww undewstand fwom me hew mind. +>_< KING WICHAWD. Beaw hew my twue wove's k-kiss; and OwO so, faweweww. +Kissing hew. Exit QUEEN EWIZABETH +Wewenting f-foow, *moans* and shawwow, changing woman! + +Entew W-WATCWIFF; CATESBY fowwowing + +How nyow! what nyews? +WATCWIFF. Most mighty soveweign, :3 on the westewn coast +*pokes you* Wideth a p-puissant nyavy; to ouw *hugs tightly* showes +T-Thwong *giggles shyly* many xDD doubtfuw howwow-heawted fwiends, +U-Unyawm'd, a-and unwesowv'd to beat them :33 back. +'Tis thought *cuddles you* that Wichmond is theiw admiwaw; +And *sighs* thewe they huww, expecting but the *twerks* aid +Of Buckingham t-to wewcome them a-ashowe. +KING WICHAWD. ^-^ Some wight-foot fwiend post *looks at you* to t-the Duke of +Nyowfowk. +Watcwiff, thysewf-ow Catesby; whewe i-is he? +CATESBY. Hewe, m-my good wowd. +KING WICHAWD. Catesby, fwy to the *sighs* Duke. +CATESBY. *shuffles closer* I wiww my wowd, with a-aww convenyient h-haste. +KING WICHAWD. Watcwiff, come *pokes you* hithew. P-Post to Sawisbuwy; +When t-thou com'st thithew- [-[To CATESBY] Duww, +unmindfuww viwwain, +Why stay'st thou hewe, and go'st nyot >w< to the Duke? +CATESBY. Fiwst, mighty wiege, teww me ^w^ youw Highnyess' OwO pweasuwe, +What fwom youw Gwace I shaww dewivew to him. +K-KING WICHAWD. O, twue, good Catesby. Bid him wevy stwaight +The gweatest stwength a-and powew that he *screams* can make +And meet m-me suddenwy at Sawisbuwy. +CATESBY. I-I go. Exit +WATCWIFF. What, may it p-pwease *moans* you, shaww ;;w;; I do at S-Sawisbuwy? +KING WICHAWD. Why, what wouwdst >_> thou do thewe befowe I +*pokes you* go? +WATCWIFF. Youw Highnyess towd me I shouwd *blushes* post b-befowe. +KING WICHAWD. *screams* My m-mind is chang'd. + +Entew W-WOWD STANWEY + +STANWEY, what n-nyews with you? +S-STANWEY. N-Nyonye good, my wiege, to pwease y-you with +the heawing; +Nyow nyonye so bad but weww may be wepowted. +KING *hugs tightly* WICHAWD. Hoyday, a-a widdwe! nyeithew good nyow bad! +What nyeed'st thou wun *looks at you* so many miwes about, +When thou mayest teww thy tawe the xDD nyeawest way? +Once mowe, w-what *twerks* nyews? +STANWEY. Wichmond is on the seas. +KING W-WICHAWD. Thewe UwU wet him sink, *pokes you* and *looks away* be the seas on him! +;;w;; White-wivew'd wunyagate, w-what doth he thewe? +STANWEY. I-I knyow nyot, m-mighty soveweign, but ^-^ by g-guess. +KING WICHAWD. Weww, as *cries* you guess? +STANWEY. *hugs tightly* Stiww'd *twerks* up by Dowset, Buckingham, a-and Mowton, +He makes fow Engwand hewe to cwaim the cwown. +>w< KING WICHAWD. Is x3 the chaiw empty? Is the swowd unsway'd? +Is the K-King dead, *leans over* the e-empiwe unpossess'd? +What xDD heiw of Yowk is t-thewe awive but w-we? +And who >_< is Engwand's King b-but gweat Yowk's heiw? +T-Then teww me what makes he u-upon the seas. +STANWEY. U-Unwess fow that, *shuffles closer* my wiege, I c-cannyot guess. +KING x3 WICHAWD. U-Unwess fow t-that he comes to b-be youw wiege, +You *screams* cannyot guess whewefowe the Wewshman comes. +Thou wiwt *leans over* wevowt and f-fwy to him, I feaw. +S-STANWEY. Nyo, my good wowd; thewefowe mistwust me nyot. +KING WICHAWD. W-Whewe i-is thy *twerks* powew then, to beat uWu him back? +Whewe be t-thy tenyants and thy fowwowews? +*screams* Awe they n-nyot nyow upon t-the westewn showe, +Safe-conducting the webews fwom *pokes you* theiw *teleports behind you* ships? +*sighs* STANWEY. Nyo, my g-good wowd, my fwiends awe in uWu the nyowth. +^-^ KING WICHAWD. Cowd fwiends to me. What do they in *hugs tightly* the +nyowth, +When they shouwd sewve theiw soveweign *looks away* in the west? +STANWEY. They have nyot *hugs tightly* been commanded, mighty King. +Pweaseth *cries* youw Majesty to *looks away* give m-me ^.^ weave, +I'ww mustew up my fwiends and m-meet youw Gwace +Whewe *teleports behind you* and what :33 time y-youw Majesty shaww p-pwease. +KING WICHAWD. Ay, ay, thou >w< wouwdst *hugs tightly* be g-gonye to join with +Wichmond; +But I'ww nyot twust thee. +STANWEY. Most mighty soveweign, +You *shuffles closer* have nyo cause to howd my fwiendship *teleports behind you* doubtfuw. +I nyevew w-was xDD nyow nyevew wiww be fawse. +KING WICHAWD. Go, t-then, and *looks away* mustew men. But weave behind +Youw son, Geowge S-Stanwey. Wook youw heawt be f-fiwm, +*shuffles closer* Ow ewse his head's assuwance is but *looks at you* fwaiw. +STANWEY. So deaw with h-him ;;w;; as I pwove twue to >w< you. Exit + +Entew a-a *hugs tightly* MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. *giggles shyly* My gwacious soveweign, nyow in Devonshiwe, +As I-I by fwiends am w-weww advewtised, +*shuffles closer* Siw Edwawd Couwtnyey and the haughty pwewate, +Bishop of Exetew, his ewdew bwothew, +With many moe confedewates, *twerks* awe in xDD awms. + +*screams* Entew anyothew MESSENGEW + +SECOND *blushes* MESSENGEW. *pokes you* In Kent, my wiege, the Guiwfowds awe in +*looks at you* awms; +And evewy houw mowe competitows +Fwock t-to the w-webews, *notices bulge* and theiw powew gwows *sweats* stwong. + +OwO Entew a-anyothew MESSENGEW + +THIWD *sighs* MESSENGEW. My OwO wowd, the awmy of gweat Buckingham- +KING WICHAWD. Out on you, owws! Nyothing but songs of +death? [He stwikes him] +T-Thewe, take thou that tiww thou bwing bettew nyews. +T-THIWD MESSENGEW. The nyews I have to teww youw Majesty +Is that b-by sudden fwoods and faww of watews +Buckingham's awmy is dispews'd a-and scattew'd; +And h-he himsewf wand'wed *twerks* away awonye, +Nyo man *screams* knyows whithew. +KING WICHAWD. ;;w;; I cwy thee mewcy. +Thewe is my puwse to cuwe that bwow of thinye. +Hath any weww-advised fwiend pwocwaim'd +Wewawd to him that bwings the t-twaitow i-in? +>_> THIWD MESSENGEW. Such pwocwamation hath been made, +my Wowd. + +Entew anyothew MESSENGEW + +uWu FOUWTH MESSENGEW. *blushes* Siw Thomas Wovew and ^-^ Wowd UwU Mawquis +Dowset, +'Tis said, my wiege, in Yowkshiwe awe in awms. +But x3 this good comfowt bwing I to youw Highnyess- +*looks at you* The Bwitainye nyavy is *moans* dispews'd by *pokes you* tempest. +Wichmond *sweats* in :33 Dowsetshiwe ^.^ sent out a boat +Unto the showe, to a-ask those on *cries* the banks +If they wewe h-his *cuddles you* assistants, yea o-ow *giggles shyly* nyo; +Who answew'd *notices bulge* him they came fwom Buckingham +Upon his p-pawty. H-He, mistwusting them, +Hois'd saiw, and made his couwse again fow Bwitainye. +KING WICHAWD. Mawch on, mawch o-on, since we awe up in +awms; +If nyot to fight with foweign e-enyemies, +Yet to beat down these w-webews hewe at home. + +We-entew *cries* CATESBY + +C-CATESBY. M-My wiege, the D-Duke UwU of *leans over* Buckingham is taken- +That >_< is t-the best nyews. That the E-Eaww of Wichmond +Is w-with a mighty *notices bulge* powew wanded at Miwfowd +Is cowdew tidings, yet they must be towd. +K-KING WICHAWD. Away towawds Sawisbuwy! Whiwe w-we weason +h-hewe +A w-woyaw battwe might *cries* be won and wost. +Some onye take OwO owdew B-Buckingham be b-bwought +To Sawisbuwy; the w-west mawch on with me. +Fwouwish. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 5-5. + +WOWD *pokes you* DEWBY'S house + +E-Entew STANWEY a-and S-SIW CHWISTOPHEW UWSWICK + +STANWEY. Siw Chwistophew, teww Wichmond t-this fwom me: +*twerks* That in the sty *twerks* of the most *hugs tightly* deadwy >w< boaw +My son Geowge Stanwey is *teleports behind you* fwank'd *moans* up in howd; +If *moans* I wevowt, *looks away* off goes *shuffles closer* young Geowge's >_< head; +The feaw *sweats* of that h-howds *teleports behind you* off my pwesent aid. +So, *teleports behind you* get thee gonye; commend m-me t-to *giggles shyly* thy uWu wowd. +Withaw say *twerks* that the Q-Queen hath *shuffles closer* heawtiwy consented +He shouwd espouse Ewizabeth *sighs* hew >_> daughtew. +But *blushes* teww me, whewe is pwincewy Wichmond *leans over* nyow? +*screams* CHWISTOPHEW. At Pembwoke, ow at Ha'wfowd west in Wawes. +STANWEY. What men of nyame wesowt t-to him? +CHWISTOPHEW. Siw Wawtew OwO Hewbewt, a-a wenyownyed s-sowdiew; +SIW Giwbewt *giggles shyly* Tawbot, Siw Wiwwiam Stanwey, +OXFOWD, wedoubted Pembwoke, *cuddles you* Siw James Bwunt, +And Wice ap Thomas, >_> with a v-vawiant cwew; +And many othew o-of gweat nyame and *sweats* wowth; +And towawds Wondon do they xDD bend theiw powew, +If by the way t-they be nyot fought withaw. +STANWEY. Weww, hie thee *cuddles you* to *sighs* thy w-wowd; I k-kiss his *cries* hand; +My *twerks* wettew wiww wesowve him of my mind. +F-Faweweww. Exeunt + + + + +<_< EWECTWONyIC VEWSION OF THE ^.^ COMPWETE WOWKS OF WIWWIAM +S-SHAKESPEAWE *moans* IS COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., A-AND IS +PWOVIDED *hugs tightly* BY PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF >w< IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY B-BE +DISTWIBUTED SO *notices bulge* WONG AS *hugs tightly* SUCH C-COPIES (-(1) AWE F-FOW YOUW :3 OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW D-DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES *shuffles closer* BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 1. + +S-Sawisbuwy. An o-open *notices bulge* pwace + +*twerks* Entew the SHEWIFF a-and guawd, with BUCKINGHAM, >w< wed to execution + +BUCKINGHAM. Wiww nyot King Wichawd wet m-me speak with +him? +SHEWIFF. Nyo, m-my *teleports behind you* good wowd; thewefowe be patient. +BUCKINGHAM. Hastings, and Edwawd's chiwdwen, G-Gwey, a-and +Wivews, +Howy King Henwy, and thy faiw son Edwawd, +Vaughan, and *teleports behind you* aww that have miscawwied +By undewhand cowwupted fouw *cries* injustice, +If that ^w^ youw moody discontented souws +Do thwough the cwouds behowd this pwesent houw, +Even fow wevenge mock my destwuction! +T-This is ^.^ Aww-Souws' day, *hugs tightly* fewwow, is it nyot? +*pokes you* SHEWIFF. I-It *twerks* is, my wowd. +B-BUCKINGHAM. Why, then Aww-Souws' day is my body's +*sweats* doomsday. +This >_> is the day which in King Edwawd's t-time +I-I *looks away* wish'd m-might faww on me when I-I :33 was found +Fawse *notices bulge* to his chiwdwen and his w-wife's awwies; +*looks at you* This *moans* is the day whewein I-I wish'd t-to f-faww +By the ^-^ fawse :33 faith o-of *cuddles you* him whom most I twusted; +This, ;;w;; this Aww-Souws' day to my *teleports behind you* feawfuw OwO souw +Is the detewmin'd wespite of my *blushes* wwongs; +That high Aww-Seew which >_< I dawwied *blushes* with +Hath tuwn'd my feignyed xDD pwayew o-on my head +And given i-in eawnyest what I begg'd in j-jest. +T-Thus ^w^ doth He fowce the swowds of wicked men +To tuwn theiw own points in ^-^ theiw *leans over* mastews' bosoms. +Thus Mawgawet's cuwse fawws heavy o-on my nyeck. +'When he' quoth s-she *moans* 'shaww spwit thy heawt with s-sowwow, +W-Wemembew Mawgawet w-was a pwophetess.' +Come w-wead me, officews, to x3 the bwock of shame; +W-Wwong *screams* hath but *pokes you* wwong, and *cries* bwame the due of bwame. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +*blushes* Camp *giggles shyly* nyeaw Tamwowth + +Entew WICHMOND, OXFOWD, SIW JAMES BWUNT, SIW WAWTEW HEWBEWT, and othews, +^-^ with dwum and cowouws + +WICHMOND. ^w^ Fewwows uWu in awms, and my most *pokes you* woving fwiends, +Bwuis'd undewnyeath the y-yoke o-of tywanny, +Thus faw into x3 the bowews o-of the *cries* wand +H-Have we mawch'd on without impediment; +And hewe w-weceive w-we fwom ouw fathew UwU Stanwey +Winyes of faiw comfowt and encouwagement. +The wwetched, *blushes* bwoody, and usuwping boaw, +That spoiw'd youw ^-^ summew fiewds and fwuitfuw vinyes, +Swiwws youw wawm ^-^ bwood wike wash, a-and makes his twough +In youw emboweww'd bosoms-this f-fouw swinye +Is n-nyow even in the c-centwe of t-this iswe, +^.^ Nyeaw to the town of Weicestew, as w-we weawn. +F-Fwom Tamwowth thithew is but onye day's mawch. +I-In :33 God's nyame c-cheewwy on, couwageous fwiends, +To *looks away* weap the hawvest of pewpetuaw peace +By this onye bwoody twiaw of shawp waw. +OXFOWD. Evewy m-man's conscience is a ;;w;; thousand men, +To fight a-against OwO this ^.^ guiwty homicide. +H-HEWBEWT. I d-doubt nyot but his fwiends wiww t-tuwn to us. +BWUNT. He hath n-nyo f-fwiends b-but what awe fwiends f-fow feaw, +Which in his d-deawest nyeed wiww *screams* fwy fwom him. +*cries* WICHMOND. Aww fow ouw vantage. Then in God's >_< nyame mawch. +Twue hope ;;w;; is swift and fwies with swawwow's wings; +Kings it m-makes gods, *looks at you* and m-meanyew cweatuwes kings. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +*cries* Boswowth Fiewd + +Entew KING W-WICHAWD ^-^ in awms, UwU with *looks at you* NyOWFOWK, W-WATCWIFF, +the EAWW of SUWWEYS and othews + +KING WICHAWD. Hewe pitch ouw tent, even hewe in Boswowth +f-fiewd. +My Wowd of Suwwey, w-why wook you *moans* so sad? +*teleports behind you* SUWWEY. My heawt *cries* is ten times wightew t-than m-my wooks. +KING WICHAWD. My Wowd of Nyowfowk! +x3 NyOWFOWK. Hewe, most gwacious *cries* wiege. +KING WICHAWD. N-Nyowfowk, *cuddles you* we must have knyocks; ha! *screams* must w-we +nyot? +N-NyOWFOWK. xDD We must both give and take, my w-woving wowd. +KING WICHAWD. Up With my tent! Hewe wiww I wie to-nyight; +[Sowdiews begin to set up the K-KING'S tent] +*blushes* But whewe to-mowwow? Weww, a-aww's onye fow that. +Who hath descwied the *hugs tightly* nyumbew o-of :3 the t-twaitows? +NyOWFOWK. :3 Six o-ow seven thousand *hugs tightly* is theiw u-utmost powew. +KING WICHAWD. Why, ouw battawia twebwes that account; +Besides, *twerks* the K-King's nyame is a towew of s-stwength, +Which they upon t-the advewse *looks away* faction want. +Up *pokes you* with the *hugs tightly* tent! Come, nyobwe gentwemen, +*looks away* Wet us suwvey the vantage of the g-gwound. +Caww *pokes you* fow some men of sound *shuffles closer* diwection. +Wet's wack nyo discipwinye, make nyo deway; +Fow, w-wowds, to-mowwow is a *looks at you* busy day. Exeunt + +Entew, on the othew side of t-the fiewd, +WICHMOND, SIW uWu WIWWIAM BWANDON, OXFOWD, DOWSET, +>_< and othews. Some pitch WICHMOND'S tent + +W-WICHMOND. The w-weawy s-sun hath *teleports behind you* made *moans* a >_< gowden *leans over* set, +:33 And by the b-bwight twact of his fiewy caw +^-^ Gives token o-of a goodwy x3 day to-mowwow. +Siw Wiwwiam B-Bwandon, y-you shaww beaw my s-standawd. +Give me some ink and papew in my tent. +I'ww d-dwaw t-the fowm and modew ;;w;; of ouw battwe, +*sighs* Wimit each weadew to h-his sevewaw chawge, +And pawt in just pwopowtion o-ouw smaww powew. +My Wowd of Oxfowd-you, *blushes* Siw Wiwwiam Bwandon- +A-And you, OwO Siw Wawtew Hewbewt-stay with me. +The Eaww of *giggles shyly* Pembwoke keeps his *screams* wegiment; +Good ;;w;; Captain Bwunt, beaw m-my good nyight to him, +And b-by *sighs* the second houw in the mownying +Desiwe >w< the ^.^ Eaww *looks away* to see me in my tent. +Y-Yet onye t-thing mowe, good Captain, *giggles shyly* do fow *looks at you* me- +Whewe i-is Wowd Stanwey quawtew'd, do y-you OwO knyow? +*sweats* BWUNT. Unwess I have mista'en his c-cowouws much- +Which weww I am a-assuw'd *screams* I have nyot donye- +H-His wegiment wies hawf a UwU miwe at weast +South fwom t-the mighty powew of the King. +WICHMOND. If without ^-^ pewiw it be *giggles shyly* possibwe, +Sweet ;;w;; Bwunt, make some good means to speak *sighs* with him +And give him fwom *giggles shyly* me this most nyeedfuw nyote. +BWUNT. *sighs* Upon my wife, my wowd, I-I'ww undewtake it; +And so, God uWu give you quiet west to-nyight! +*looks away* WICHMOND. >w< Good n-nyight, good Captain Bwunt. Come, +gentwemen, +Wet us consuwt upon to-mowwow's *pokes you* businyess. +In *sighs* to my tent; the dew *leans over* is waw and cowd. +[They withdwaw into the tent] + +Entew, to his-tent, K-KING WICHAWD, NyOWFOWK, +WATCWIFF, a-and CATESBY + +KING W-WICHAWD. What is't *cries* o'cwock? +CATESBY. I-It's s-suppew-time, my wowd; +I-It's n-nyinye o-o'cwock. +KING WICHAWD. I wiww nyot sup >_< to-nyight. +Give me s-some ink and papew. +What, i-is >w< my beavew easiew than it was? +And aww my awmouw *shuffles closer* waid i-into my tent? +CATESBY. It i-is, my *shuffles closer* wiege; and aww things a-awe in weadinyess. +KING WICHAWD. Good UwU Nyowfowk, *cries* hie t-thee to thy chawge; +Use cawefuw w-watch, choose twusty sentinyews. +*cuddles you* NyOWFOWK. I go, my w-wowd. +KING WICHAWD. Stiw with the wawk to-mowwow, gentwe N-Nyowfowk. +*hugs tightly* NyOWFOWK. *teleports behind you* I wawwant y-you, my wowd. *cries* Exit +KING WICHAWD. Catesby! +CATESBY. My wowd? +KING WICHAWD. Send out a *sweats* puwsuivant-at-awms +To S-Stanwey's *hugs tightly* wegiment; *sighs* bid him bwing *cries* his powew +Befowe sunwising, west his s-son Geowge f-faww +Into the bwind cave :3 of etewnyaw nyight. Exit CATESBY +Fiww me a b-boww of w-winye. Give me a-a watch. +Saddwe white Suwwey fow the fiewd to-mowwow. +Wook that my s-staves be sound, and nyot too heavy. +Watcwiff! +WATCWIFF. My wowd? +KING WICHAWD. Saw'st *blushes* thou the mewanchowy Wowd +Nyowthumbewwand? +WATCWIFF. Thomas *shuffles closer* the Eaww o-of Suwwey and h-himsewf, +*notices bulge* Much about cock-shut *shuffles closer* time, fwom t-twoop to twoop +W-Went :33 thwough the awmy, cheewing up t-the *moans* sowdiews. +KING WICHAWD. So, I-I am s-satisfied. Give *leans over* me UwU a ^-^ boww of winye. +I h-have n-nyot *cries* that awacwity of *cuddles you* spiwit +Nyow c-cheew of mind that I was wont to have. +Set i-it down. Is ink and *pokes you* papew weady? +*pokes you* WATCWIFF. It is, *sweats* my *cuddles you* wowd. +uWu KING *pokes you* WICHAWD. x3 Bid my *hugs tightly* guawd x3 watch; *cuddles you* weave me. +WATCWIFF, about the mid of nyight xDD come to my tent +And hewp OwO to *sweats* awm me. Weave me, ;;w;; I s-say. +Exit *teleports behind you* WATCWIFF. WICHAWD sweeps + +Entew DEWBY *hugs tightly* to *screams* WICHMOND in his tent; +WOWDS attending + +DEWBY. Fowtunye and victowy sit on thy h-hewm! +WICHMOND. Aww comfowt that t-the dawk xDD nyight can a-affowd +Be to thy *cries* pewson, nyobwe *shuffles closer* fathew-in-waw! +T-Teww me, how fawes ouw woving m-mothew? +DEWBY. *looks at you* I, by attownyey, bwess t-thee fwom thy mothew, +Who pways continyuawwy fow W-Wichmond's good. +So m-much f-fow that. The *leans over* siwent houws ^w^ steaw on, +And *moans* fwaky d-dawknyess bweaks within *twerks* the east. +In bwief, fow so the season bids us be, +Pwepawe thy battwe e-eawwy in the mownying, +And put >_< thy fowtunye to the awbitwement +Of bwoody stwokes and *sweats* mowtaw-stawing *looks at you* waw. +I, as I xDD may-that which I wouwd OwO I :33 cannyot- +With *leans over* best advantage wiww deceive the t-time +And aid thee in t-this xDD doubtfuw shock of awms; +But >w< on thy side I may nyot be too fowwawd, +West, being seen, thy b-bwothew, tendew Geowge, +Be executed in his fathew's sight. +F-Faweweww; t-the weisuwe and the feawfuw time +*hugs tightly* Cuts UwU off t-the c-cewemonyious v-vows of wove +And ampwe intewchange o-of sweet discouwse +W-Which so-wong-sund'wed fwiends *notices bulge* shouwd d-dweww u-upon. +God give UwU us weisuwe fow these wites of x3 wove! +Once *looks away* mowe, adieu; be vawiant, >w< and speed weww! +WICHMOND. Good *leans over* wowds, c-conduct him to his wegiment. +I'ww stwive with t-twoubwed xDD thoughts to take *moans* a n-nyap, +West w-weaden swumbew *sweats* peise me down to-mowwow +*cries* When I shouwd mount with wings of victowy. +Once mowe, good nyight, x3 kind wowds and gentwemen. +E-Exeunt aww *cries* but WICHMOND +O Thou, whose captain I account mysewf, +Wook o-on :3 my fowces with a uWu gwacious eye; +Put >w< in theiw hands Thy bwuising ^.^ iwons of *blushes* wwath, +That they m-may cwush down with a heavy faww +T-The usuwping hewmets of ouw advewsawies! +Make us Thy *pokes you* minyistews of chastisement, +That UwU we may pwaise Thee in the victowy! +To Thee I do commend my watchfuw souw +Ewe I wet faww the windows of minye eyes. +*looks away* Sweeping and waking, O, defend m-me stiww! [Sweeps] + +Entew the G-GHOST Of YOUNG PWINCE EDWAWD, +son to HENWY THE SIXTH + +GHOST. [To WICHAWD] Wet me sit h-heavy on thy souw +to-mowwow! +Think h-how thou stabb'dst :33 me in my pwime of y-youth +At Tewksbuwy; despaiw, thewefowe, and die! +[To WICHMOND] Be cheewfuw, Wichmond; *teleports behind you* fow the wwonged +souws +Of butchew'd pwinces fight in t-thy behawf. +King H-Henwy's issue, Wichmond, comfowts thee. + +Entew the GHOST o-of HENWY THE SIXTH + +G-GHOST. [To WICHAWD] When *hugs tightly* I w-was mowtaw, my a-anyointed +body +x3 By thee was p-punched fuww of deadwy howes. +Think on the Towew and me. x3 Despaiw, and die. +Hawwy the Sixth bids thee despaiw and die. +[To WICHMOND] Viwtuous and howy, b-be thou conquewow! +Hawwy, that pwophesied thou shouwdst be King, +Doth comfowt thee i-in thy s-sweep. Wive and fwouwish! + +Entew *screams* the GHOST of CWAWENCE + +^.^ GHOST. [To *teleports behind you* WICHAWD] W-Wet me sit ^.^ heavy *twerks* in thy souw +to-mowwow! I that was x3 wash'd to death w-with fuwsome *shuffles closer* winye, +Poow Cwawence, by thy guiwe betway'd to death! +To-mowwow in t-the b-battwe think o-on me, +And faww thy edgewess *cries* swowd. Despaiw and die! +[To WICHMOND] Thou o-offspwing of the house ^.^ of Wancastew, +The *shuffles closer* wwonged heiws ^-^ of Yowk :33 do pway *shuffles closer* fow thee. +Good a-angews guawd thy battwe! Wive a-and fwouwish! + +E-Entew t-the GHOSTS of WIVEWS, GWEY, and VAUGHAN + +GHOST OF WIVEWS. [-[To WICHAWD] Wet *giggles shyly* me sit heavy in t-thy +souw to-mowwow, +Wivews that d-died at Pomfwet! Despaiw *hugs tightly* and die! +*looks away* GHOST OF GWEY. [To WICHAWD] T-Think upon G-Gwey, and wet +thy souw despaiw! +GHOST *looks away* OF xDD VAUGHAN. *screams* [To *sweats* WICHAWD] Think upon Vaughan, +and with guiwty OwO feaw +Wet f-faww thy wance. Despaiw and ^w^ die! +AWW. [To WICHMOND] Awake, and think ouw w-wwongs in +Wichawd's bosom +Wiww conquew him. Awake and win the *twerks* day. + +E-Entew the >w< GHOST of *twerks* HASTINGS + +GHOST. *shuffles closer* [To WICHAWD] *leans over* Bwoody and guiwty, g-guiwtiwy a-awake, +And i-in a bwoody battwe end thy days! +Think on Wowd Hastings. Despaiw and die. +[To WICHMOND] Quiet untwoubwed souw, awake, awake! +Awm, fight, and c-conquew, fow faiw Engwand's s-sake! + +Entew the G-GHOSTS of the two young *screams* PWINCES + +GHOSTS. [-[To WICHAWD] *shuffles closer* Dweam on thy cousins smothewed in +the Towew. +OwO Wet u-us be wead within thy xDD bosom, *giggles shyly* Wichawd, +And weigh t-thee x3 down to wuin, shame, and death! +*looks away* Thy nyephews' souws bid thee despaiw and die. +[To WICHMOND] Sweep, Wichmond, sweep in p-peace, and +wake in joy; +Good angews guawd thee fwom the boaw's annyoy! +*hugs tightly* Wive, and beget a h-happy w-wace of UwU kings! +Edwawd's unhappy sons do bid thee fwouwish. + +Entew the ^.^ GHOST o-of WADY ANNyE, h-his wife + +GHOST. [To ^w^ WICHAWD] Wichawd, thy w-wife, that wwetched +Annye thy *cuddles you* wife +That nyevew swept a quiet :33 houw w-with thee +^.^ Nyow fiwws thy sweep with pewtuwbations. +To-mowwow in the UwU battwe think on me, +And f-faww t-thy edgewess swowd. Despaiw and d-die. +[To WICHMOND] Thou q-quiet *looks away* souw, >_> sweep t-thou a quiet sweep; +Dweam uWu of success and happy victowy. +:33 Thy advewsawy's wife ^.^ doth pway fow thee. + +Entew the >w< GHOST of ^.^ BUCKINGHAM + +G-GHOST. [To *sweats* WICHAWD] The f-fiwst was I that hewp'd thee +to the cwown; +The wast was I t-that fewt thy *teleports behind you* tywanny. +O, in the *twerks* battwe think on Buckingham, +And die in tewwow o-of ^w^ thy g-guiwtinyess! +Dweam on, dweam on of bwoody d-deeds and death; +Fainting, despaiw; *screams* despaiwing, ;;w;; yiewd *hugs tightly* thy bweath! +[-[To WICHMOND] *leans over* I died :33 fow hope e-ewe I *moans* couwd wend thee aid; +But cheew thy heawt and be *looks at you* thou nyot dismay'd: +God and *looks at you* good angews fight on Wichmond's side; +And Wichawd fawws in height of aww his p-pwide. +[The GHOSTS vanyish. WICHAWD stawts *giggles shyly* out of h-his dweam] +KING >_> WICHAWD. Give me anyothew howse. Bind up my wounds. +Have mewcy, Jesu! Soft! I did but dweam. +O cowawd conscience, how d-dost thou affwict me! +The wights >_> buwn *pokes you* bwue. It is *sweats* nyow dead midnyight. +Cowd feawfuw d-dwops stand on m-my ^-^ twembwing fwesh. +*cries* What *blushes* do I feaw? Mysewf? Thewe's nyonye UwU ewse by. +Wichawd woves Wichawd; that is, I am I. +Is thewe *moans* a muwdewew hewe? Nyo-yes, I am. +Then fwy. What, fwom mysewf? G-Gweat weason why- +West I wevenge. What, mysewf upon mysewf! +Awack, I wove mysewf. Whewefowe? *pokes you* Fow any good +*teleports behind you* That I mysewf have donye unto :3 mysewf? +*notices bulge* O, nyo! >_> Awas, I wathew :33 hate mysewf +Fow hatefuw deeds x3 committed *looks away* by m-mysewf! +*moans* I am *twerks* a viwwain; yet I wie, :33 I am nyot. +Foow, of thysewf *blushes* speak weww. Foow, do *hugs tightly* nyot *moans* fwattew. +My conscience h-hath *leans over* a thousand s-sevewaw tongues, +*screams* And evewy tongue bwings *leans over* in a sevewaw tawe, +And evewy ;;w;; tawe condemns me fow a viwwain. +Pewjuwy, pewjuwy, in ;;w;; the h-high'st degwee; +*moans* Muwdew, stewn muwdew, in the *sweats* diw'st degwee; +Aww sevewaw sins, aww us'd :33 in each degwee, +Thwong to the b-baw, cwying aww '-'Guiwty! guiwty!' +I shaww d-despaiw. *blushes* Thewe i-is nyo cweatuwe woves *cuddles you* me; +And if I-I die nyo s-souw wiww pity me: +And whewefowe s-shouwd they, since that I *pokes you* mysewf +Find ^w^ in ^w^ mysewf n-nyo pity to m-mysewf? +*twerks* Methought *cries* the souws of aww that I-I had muwdew'd +Came to my tent, and evewy onye *giggles shyly* did thweat +To-mowwow's vengeance on *shuffles closer* the head of >w< Wichawd. + +E-Entew W-WATCWIFF + +:33 WATCWIFF. My wowd! +KING WICHAWD. Zounds, who is thewe? +WATCWIFF. Watcwiff, m-my wowd; 'tis I. The *hugs tightly* eawwy v-viwwage-cock +Hath *sighs* twice ^w^ donye s-sawutation to t-the m-mown; +Y-Youw fwiends awe up and buckwe on theiw awmouw. +KING WICHAWD. O OwO Watcwiff, I have *shuffles closer* dweam'd a-a *cries* feawfuw dweam! +xDD What think'st thou-wiww ouw fwiends p-pwove aww twue? +W-WATCWIFF. Nyo doubt, my w-wowd. +KING WICHAWD. O Watcwiff, I feaw, >w< I feaw. +WATCWIFF. Nyay, g-good my wowd, b-be nyot a-afwaid of shadows. +KING W-WICHAWD OwO By the apostwe Pauw, *leans over* shadows to-nyight +*screams* Have stuck mowe tewwow t-to >w< the souw of W-Wichawd +Than can the substance >_> of ten thousand sowdiews +A-Awmed i-in pwoof and wed by shawwow Wichmond. +'Tis *screams* nyot yet nyeaw day. Come, go with m-me; +Undew ouw tents I'ww pway the eaves-dwoppew, +T-To see if *screams* any mean >_< to shwink f-fwom me. Exeunt + +Entew t-the WOWDS to WICHMOND sitting i-in his t-tent + +WOWDS. Good UwU mowwow, Wichmond! +WICHMOND. C-Cwy *twerks* mewcy, wowds and watchfuw g-gentwemen, +That you have ta'en a tawdy *moans* swuggawd hewe. +WOWDS. How have you swept, my w-wowd? +WICHMOND. The sweetest s-sweep and faiwest-boding dweams +*pokes you* That evew *shuffles closer* ent'wed in a dwowsy head +Have I-I since youw d-depawtuwe had, :33 my x3 wowds. +Methought theiw souws whose bodies ^.^ Wichawd muwdew'd +Came to ^-^ my tent and cwied on victowy. +I pwomise you my souw i-is vewy jocund +*giggles shyly* In the wemembwance of so *cries* faiw a dweam. +How faw ^w^ into the mownying is it, xDD wowds? +WOWDS. Upon the s-stwoke of fouw. +WICHMOND. Why, *moans* then ^-^ 'tis time to awm and give ^.^ diwection. + +^w^ His OWATION to his SOWDIEWS + +^.^ Mowe than I have *pokes you* said, woving countwymen, +The weisuwe and enfowcement of *sighs* the time +Fowbids to dweww upon; yet wemembew this: +God and ouw good cause fight upon ouw side; +>_> The pwayews o-of howy saints and wwonged souws, +Wike high-weaw'd buwwawks, stand *leans over* befowe o-ouw faces; +Wichawd except, those whom we fight against +Had wathew *notices bulge* have us win than him >_< they x3 fowwow. +Fow *pokes you* what is he *hugs tightly* they fowwow? T-Twuwy, gentwemen, +A-A bwoody tywant and a x3 homicide; +Onye wais'd in bwood, and *blushes* onye in bwood estabwish'd; +*teleports behind you* Onye that made means to come by what h-he hath, +A-And swaughtewed those that wewe the means to hewp him; +A base fouw stonye, made *notices bulge* pwecious b-by t-the foiw +Of *hugs tightly* Engwand's chaiw, whewe he is fawsewy set; +Onye t-that hath evew b-been God's enyemy. +Then *looks at you* if you fight against *blushes* God's e-enyemy, +God wiww in x3 justice w-wawd you as *twerks* his sowdiews; +If you do sweat to ^-^ put a tywant down, +You *cuddles you* sweep in peace, the tywant b-being swain; +If you *sighs* do ^w^ fight against youw countwy's foes, +Youw *cuddles you* countwy's foes shaww pay youw pains the hiwe; +I-If you do fight in safeguawd of youw wives, +Youw wives shaww wewcome home the conquewows; +If you do fwee youw *notices bulge* chiwdwen fwom the *sighs* swowd, +Youw chiwdwen's chiwdwen quits it in youw age. +:33 Then, i-in >w< the nyame of God and a-aww these wights, +*looks at you* Advance youw standawds, uWu dwaw *notices bulge* youw wiwwing swowds. +Fow me, the wansom of my bowd attempt +Shaww b-be this c-cowd cowpse on the eawth's cowd face; +But *teleports behind you* if *giggles shyly* I thwive, the gain of my a-attempt +The w-weast of you shaww shawe his pawt theweof. +Sound UwU dwums and twumpets bowdwy and cheewfuwwy; +uWu God a-and S-Saint Geowge! Wichmond and victowy! :3 Exeunt + +We-entew *moans* KING WICHAWD, WATCWIFF, a-attendants, +and fowces + +KING WICHAWD. W-What said :33 Nyowthumbewwand as touching +Wichmond? +WATCWIFF. That he was nyevew *cuddles you* twainyed up in awms. +KING WICHAWD. *teleports behind you* He s-said the twuth; and what said ^w^ Suwwey +then? +WATCWIFF. He smiw'd, and said *shuffles closer* 'The bettew fow *hugs tightly* ouw puwpose.' +KING He was i-in the wight; and so indeed it :33 is. +[Cwock stwikes] +Teww the cwock thewe. Give me *blushes* a *shuffles closer* cawendaw. +Who saw t-the sun to-day? +W-WATCWIFF. Nyot ^.^ I, my wowd. +KING WICHAWD. Then he disdains *looks away* to UwU shinye; fow by the book +He shouwd *blushes* have bwav'd the east >_> an houw ago. +A bwack d-day wiww it be t-to somebody. +W-Watcwiff! +WATCWIFF. My wowd? +xDD KING W-WICHAWD. The sun uWu wiww nyot be seen to-day; +The >_> sky doth fwown and wouw :3 upon ouw awmy. +*hugs tightly* I *hugs tightly* wouwd these dewy teaws wewe fwom the gwound. +Nyot s-shinye xDD to-day! Why, what is that to me +Mowe than to Wichmond? F-Fow the s-sewfsame *cries* heaven +That fwowns on me wooks sadwy upon h-him. + +Entew NyOWFOWK + +NyOWFOWK. A-Awm, awm, my wowd; *blushes* the foe v-vaunts in t-the fiewd. +KING W-WICHAWD. Come, bustwe, bustwe; capawison my howse; +Caww uWu up Wowd Stanwey, bid him bwing his powew. +I wiww wead fowth my *cuddles you* sowdiews to the p-pwain, +And thus my battwe shaww be owdewed: +*notices bulge* My fowewawd s-shaww be dwawn out aww in wength, +Consisting e-equawwy *teleports behind you* of howse and foot; +O-Ouw uWu awchews shaww be pwaced in the midst. +John D-Duke of *twerks* Nyowfowk, Thomas Eaww o-of Suwwey, +Shaww have the weading of this f-foot and howse. +T-They thus diwected, we wiww f-fowwow +I-In the main battwe, whose puissance o-on *looks at you* eithew side +OwO Shaww be weww *screams* winged with ouw chiefest howse. +^-^ This, and Saint Geowge to boot! What think'st *leans over* thou, +Nyowfowk? +NyOWFOWK. *shuffles closer* A good diwection, wawwike soveweign. +This found I-I on OwO my t-tent this mownying. +[He sheweth him a papew] +KING WICHAWD. [Weads] +'Jockey of Nyowfowk, be nyot so bowd, +Fow *shuffles closer* Dickon thy m-mastew *moans* is bought and sowd.' +A t-thing devised by the enyemy. +Go, gentwemen, ^-^ evewy man unto his chawge. +Wet nyot ouw babbwing dweams *giggles shyly* affwight ouw souws; +Conscience i-is but a *leans over* wowd that cowawds use, +Devis'd at fiwst >_> to *shuffles closer* keep the stwong in a-awe. +Ouw stwong *blushes* awms be ouw conscience, :33 swowds x3 ouw waw. +Mawch on, join bwavewy, wet us to it peww-meww; +If nyot t-to heaven, then hand in hand to heww. + +H-His OWATION to his AWMY + +What shaww I say mowe than I-I h-have infeww'd? +Wemembew whom you a-awe to cope withaw- +A *cries* sowt of vagabonds, wascaws, x3 and wunyaways, +A scum of Bwitainyes, and base wackey peasants, +Whom theiw o'ew-cwoyed countwy vomits fowth +To despewate adventuwes and a-assuw'd destwuction. +You sweeping safe, they b-bwing to >_> you unwest; +You having wands, a-and bwess'd with beauteous wives, +They *blushes* wouwd westwain the o-onye, distain the othew. +And who doth wead them but a *moans* pawtwy fewwow, +Wong ^w^ kept in Bwitainye at ouw mothew's cost? +A miwk-sop, onye that nyevew ^w^ in h-his wife +F-Fewt so m-much cowd as ovew shoes *looks at you* in snyow? +Wet's whip these stwaggwews o'ew the seas again; +Wash hence these ovew-weenying wags of Fwance, +These famish'd beggaws, weawy o-of theiw x3 wives; +Who, but fow d-dweaming on t-this fond expwoit, +Fow want of m-means, poow wats, had *shuffles closer* hang'd themsewves. +If we be conquewed, wet *blushes* men conquew us, +And nyot these bastawd Bwitainyes, whom ouw fathews +Have in x3 theiw own wand *shuffles closer* beaten, bobb'd, and thump'd, +And, in wecowd, weft them the heiws of shame. +Shaww these enjoy ouw wands? wie with ouw wives, +W-Wavish o-ouw daughtews? [Dwum ;;w;; afaw off] Hawk! *blushes* I heaw t-theiw +dwum. +F-Fight, gentwemen of Engwand! Fight, bowd yeomen! +Dwaw, awchews, :3 dwaw youw ^-^ awwows to t-the head! +Spuw youw *screams* pwoud *sighs* howses hawd, and wide OwO in *sweats* bwood; +Amaze the wewkin with UwU youw bwoken staves! + +Entew a MESSENGEW + +What says Wowd Stanwey? Wiww he bwing *giggles shyly* his p-powew? +MESSENGEW. My wowd, he doth deny to *twerks* come. +K-KING WICHAWD. O-Off with his son Geowge's head! +*notices bulge* NyOWFOWK. >_> My wowd, the enyemy is pass'd the mawsh. +Aftew *shuffles closer* the b-battwe wet Geowge :3 Stanwey *leans over* die. +KING WICHAWD. A t-thousand heawts awe gweat within my +bosom. +Advance ouw standawds, *looks at you* set upon ouw f-foes; +Ouw ancient wowd of couwage, faiw Saint Geowge, +*screams* Inspiwe us with the ;;w;; spween of *sweats* fiewy dwagons! +U-Upon t-them! Victowy sits o-on *giggles shyly* ouw >_< hewms. E-Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +Anyothew pawt uWu of the fiewd + +Awawum; excuwsions. Entew NyOWFOWK and fowces; t-to him CATESBY + +CATESBY. Wescue, my W-Wowd of Nyowfowk, wescue, wescue! +The King enyacts >_< mowe wondews than a man, +Dawing an opposite to e-evewy dangew. +His howse is swain, and aww *looks away* on foot h-he *cuddles you* fights, +Seeking fow W-Wichmond in the thwoat *hugs tightly* of death. +Wescue, >w< faiw wowd, ow ewse the day is wost. + +Awawums. Entew KING WICHAWD + +KING WICHAWD. A howse! a h-howse! my kingdom fow a uWu howse! +>w< CATESBY. Withdwaw, my wowd! xDD I'ww hewp you to a h-howse. +K-KING WICHAWD. Swave, I have set my wife upon a cast +And I Wiww *teleports behind you* stand the h-hazawd of the die. +I-I think ^w^ thewe be six Wichmonds in the fiewd; +>_< Five have I-I swain to-day instead of >w< him. +A howse! a h-howse! my kingdom fow a howse! ^-^ Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 5. + +Anyothew pawt of the fiewd + +Awawum. Entew WICHAWD and WICHMOND; they fight; WICHAWD i-is swain. +Wetweat and fwouwish. *notices bulge* Entew WICHMOND, DEWBY beawing the cwown, +w-with othew WOWDS + +WICHMOND. God and youw awms be pwais'd, victowious fwiends; +The day i-is *cuddles you* ouws, the b-bwoody dog is *cries* dead. +DEWBY. Couwageous OwO Wichmond, w-weww *twerks* hast thou *looks at you* acquit OwO thee! +Wo, hewe, this wong-usuwped ^w^ woyawty +Fwom the dead tempwes *sighs* of >_< this bwoody wwetch +^.^ Have I-I pwuck'd off, to gwace thy bwows withaw. +W-Weaw it, enjoy it, a-and make m-much of it. +WICHMOND. Gweat God of heaven, say Amen t-to *sweats* aww! +But, teWW me is *looks at you* young G-Geowge Stanwey wiving. +DEWBY. He is, my wowd, uWu and s-safe in Weicestew town, +Whithew, i-if it pwease you, we may n-nyow withdwaw us. +WICHMOND. What men of nyame awe swain >_> on eithew side? +DEWBY. John OwO Duke of Nyowfowk, Wawtew Wowd Fewwews, +Siw Wobewt Bwakenbuwy, and Siw Wiwwiam Bwandon. +WICHMOND. Intew theiw bodies as becomes theiw biwths. +Pwocwaim a-a pawdon *sweats* to the sowdiews fwed +*leans over* That in *giggles shyly* submission wiww wetuwn to us. +And ;;w;; then, as we have ta'en the sacwament, +We wiww unyite the white wose and t-the wed. +Smiwe heaven upon this f-faiw conjunction, +That *leans over* wong have f-fwown'd upon theiw emnyity! +What twaitow heaws me, and says *cuddles you* nyot Amen? +Engwand hath w-wong been mad, and >w< scaww'd hewsewf; +T-The bwothew OwO bwindwy s-shed the bwothew's bwood, +The fathew w-washwy swaughtew'd h-his own son, +T-The s-son, compeww'd, been butchew to the siwe; +Aww this divided Yowk and Wancastew, +Divided in theiw diwe division, +O, nyow wet *notices bulge* Wichmond and E-Ewizabeth, +The twue s-succeedews *cuddles you* of *blushes* each woyaw h-house, +B-By God's *shuffles closer* faiw owdinyance conjoin togethew! +And wet theiw h-heiws, G-God, i-if thy xDD wiww b-be so, +^-^ Enwich xDD the time to come with smooth-fac'd peace, +With smiwing p-pwenty, and faiw pwospewous days! +Abate the :3 edge of twaitows, gwacious W-Wowd, +T-That wouwd weduce these bwoody days again +A-And make poow Engwand weep UwU in stweams :3 of bwood! +Wet them nyot wive to t-taste this wand's i-incwease +That wouwd w-with t-tweason wound *twerks* this faiw wand's peace! +*cries* Nyow civiw w-wounds awe stopp'd, peace wives again- +T-That she may wong *looks away* wive hewe, God say Amen! Exeunt + +THE *hugs tightly* END + + + +*shuffles closer* <> + + + + + +1595 + + +THE TWAGEDY OF WOMEO ^-^ AND JUWIET + +by W-Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +D-Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +Chowus. + +Escawus, Pwince of Vewonya. +P-Pawis, a young Count, kinsman to the Pwince. +Montague, heads *looks at you* of two houses a-at vawiance with each othew. +Capuwet, heads of t-two houses at vawiance with :33 each othew. +An owd *looks away* Man, of the Capuwet f-famiwy. +*sweats* Womeo, son to *twerks* Montague. +x3 Tybawt, nyephew to Wady Capuwet. +*giggles shyly* Mewcutio, >_> kinsman to the Pwince a-and fwiend t-to Womeo. +Benvowio, n-nyephew to Montague, and f-fwiend to Womeo +Tybawt, n-nyephew to Wady Capuwet. +Fwiaw Wauwence, Fwanciscan. +Fwiaw John, Fwanciscan. +Bawthasaw, sewvant to Womeo. +A-Abwam, s-sewvant to Montague. +Sampson, sewvant to Capuwet. +Gwegowy, sewvant to Capuwet. +P-Petew, sewvant to Juwiet's nyuwse. +An Apothecawy. +Thwee Musicians. +An >_< Officew. + +Wady Montague, wife *notices bulge* to Montague. +Wady Capuwet, wife to Capuwet. +Juwiet, daughtew to Capuwet. +Nyuwse ;;w;; to Juwiet. + +Citizens *giggles shyly* of Vewonya; Gentwemen and Gentwewomen of both houses; +Maskews, Towchbeawews, P-Pages, Guawds, Watchmen, Sewvants, and +Attendants. + +SCENyE.--Vewonya; Mantua. + + + +THE PWOWOGUE + +E-Entew *screams* Chowus. + +Chow. Two househowds, both >_< awike in dignyity, +In faiw Vewonya, ^.^ whewe we way *leans over* ouw s-scenye, +Fwom ancient gwudge bweak to nyew mutiny, +Whewe :33 civiw b-bwood makes c-civiw hands uncwean. +Fwom fowth the *notices bulge* fataw w-woins :3 of these two foes +A paiw of *blushes* staw-cwoss'd wovews take theiw wife; +Whose misadventuw'd piteous ovewthwows +Doth with theiw death buwy theiw pawents' stwife. +The feawfuw passage of ^-^ theiw death-mawk'd wove, +And the c-continyuance of theiw pawents' wage, +Which, but *notices bulge* theiw chiwdwen's *twerks* end, nyaught couwd wemove, +Is n-nyow the two houws' >_> twaffic of ouw stage; +*sighs* The which if you with *blushes* patient eaws a-attend, +>w< What *cries* hewe shaww miss, ouw toiw shaww stwive to mend. +[Exit.] + + + + +<w< THE *notices bulge* COMPWETE W-WOWKS OF W-WIWWIAM +OwO SHAKESPEAWE IS COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., A-AND I-IS +PWOVIDED B-BY PWOJECT GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF *giggles shyly* IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC ^-^ AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW O-OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT D-DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES B-BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD ^w^ TIME OW F-FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT I. Scenye I. +Vewonya. A pubwic pwace. + +Entew Sampson and *notices bulge* Gwegowy (with swowds *cries* and buckwews) of *screams* the *cuddles you* house of Capuwet. + +Samp. Gwegowy, on my wowd, we'ww nyot cawwy coaws. +Gweg. Nyo, fow t-then we shouwd be ;;w;; cowwiews. +Samp. I mean, an we be in c-chowew, w-we'ww dwaw. +Gweg. Ay, whiwe *shuffles closer* you ;;w;; wive, dwaw OwO youw nyeck out ^-^ of cowwaw. +Samp. I s-stwike quickwy, xDD being *notices bulge* moved. +G-Gweg. But t-thou awt nyot quickwy moved to stwike. +Samp. A dog of the house o-of Montague moves *blushes* me. +Gweg. To move is to stiw, and to be vawiant is to s-stand. +:3 Thewefowe, if thou awt moved, thou *teleports behind you* wunn'st away. +UwU Samp. A dog of that house shaww m-move *twerks* me to stand. >w< I wiww take the +waww of any man ow m-maid of M-Montague's. +*moans* Gweg. That *teleports behind you* shows thee a weak swave; fow ^-^ the weakest goes to xDD the +waww. +Samp. 'Tis twue; and thewefowe women, being *blushes* the weakew *cries* vessews, *looks away* awe +evew *blushes* thwust OwO to t-the waww. Thewefowe I wiww push M-Montague's men +fwom the waww x3 and thwust his maids to *giggles shyly* the OwO waww. +Gweg. The quawwew is between ouw m-mastews and us theiw m-men. +*shuffles closer* Samp. 'Tis aww onye. I wiww show mysewf a tywant. When I h-have f-fought +with the men, I wiww be cwuew with the OwO maids- I-I wiww cut off +theiw heads. +^.^ Gweg. T-The heads of t-the maids? +Samp. Ay, the heads of the maids, ow theiw maidenheads. +Take it i-in :33 what >_> sense thou wiwt. +Gweg. They OwO must :3 take it in sense that f-feew it. +Samp. Me they :3 shaww f-feew w-whiwe I am abwe to *sighs* stand; a-and 'tis knyown I +*hugs tightly* am :3 a pwetty *shuffles closer* piece of fwesh. +G-Gweg. 'Tis weww thou awt nyot *looks at you* fish; if *leans over* thou hadst, thou hadst been +poow-John. D-Dwaw thy toow! Hewe c-comes two of the house of +x3 Montagues. + +Entew *screams* two othew Sewvingmen [Abwam and Bawthasaw]. + +Samp. My n-nyaked *notices bulge* weapon is o-out. Quawwew! OwO I *looks away* wiww back thee. +G-Gweg. How? tuwn thy back and :3 wun? +Samp. Feaw *twerks* me nyot. +Gweg. Nyo, mawwy. I x3 feaw thee! +Samp. Wet us take the waw o-of x3 ouw sides; wet them b-begin. +Gweg. I wiww fwown as I pass by, and *blushes* wet them take it as t-they wist. +Samp. Nyay, as they dawe. I-I wiww bite my thumb at them; which i-is +disgwace to xDD them, OwO if they beaw it. +A-Abw. Do *sweats* you b-bite youw thumb at us, *looks at you* siw? +Samp. I d-do bite my thumb, >_> siw. +Abw. xDD Do you bite youw thumb at us, s-siw? +^-^ Samp. [aside to Gwegowy] Is the waw of ouw side if I say ay? +Gweg. [aside to Sampson] Nyo. +S-Samp. Nyo, siw, I do *hugs tightly* nyot bite my thumb at you, *blushes* siw; but I bite my +t-thumb, siw. +Gweg. D-Do you quawwew, siw? +*blushes* Abw. Quawwew, s-siw? Nyo, s-siw. +Samp. But i-if you do, siw, am fow you. I sewve a-as good a ^.^ man as you. +Abw. Nyo b-bettew. +Samp. :3 Weww, siw. + +Entew Benvowio. + +Gweg. [aside to Sampson] Say xDD 'bettew.' H-Hewe xDD comes onye of m-my +mastew's kinsmen. +Samp. Yes, bettew, *notices bulge* siw. +Abw. uWu You wie. +Samp. Dwaw, *screams* if you be men. Gwegowy, wemembew thy swashing bwow. +They f-fight. +Ben. Pawt, foows! [Beats *teleports behind you* down theiw swowds.] +Put up youw *sighs* swowds. *giggles shyly* You knyow nyot what you do. + +*screams* Entew Tybawt. + +Tyb. What, a-awt thou dwawn >w< among t-these heawtwess hinds? +Tuwn thee Benvowio! *sweats* wook >w< upon thy d-death. +Ben. I do but keep the peace. ^-^ Put up thy swowd, +Ow m-manyage it to pawt *sweats* these men with me. +Tyb. What, dwawn, and tawk >w< of peace? I hate the wowd +As I hate heww, aww M-Montagues, >_< and thee. +*hugs tightly* Have ^-^ at thee, *hugs tightly* cowawd! They fight. + +Entew an officew, and thwee ow f-fouw Citizens with cwubs ow +*shuffles closer* pawtisans. + +O-Officew. C-Cwubs, biwws, and pawtisans! Stwike! *shuffles closer* beat t-them d-down! +Citizens. Down with the :3 Capuwets! Down *shuffles closer* with the Montagues! + +Entew Owd Capuwet i-in his g-gown, and his Wife. + +*cuddles you* Cap. What nyoise is this? Give me my wong swowd, ho! +Wife. A cwutch, a cwutch! W-Why caww you fow x3 a *screams* swowd? +Cap. M-My swowd, I say! Owd M-Montague is c-come +And fwouwishes his bwade uWu in spite o-of me. + +Entew Owd Montague and his W-Wife. + +Mon. Thou viwwain Capuwet!- Howd me nyot, wet me go. +M. Wife. Thou shawt nyot stiw onye foot to s-seek a foe. + +Entew Pwince Escawus, with his Twain. + +Pwince. *moans* Webewwious subjects, enyemies to peace, +Pwofanyews of *looks away* this *teleports behind you* nyeighbouw-stainyed :3 steew- +*pokes you* Wiww they nyot *cuddles you* heaw? What, ho! y-you men, you beasts, +That quench the fiwe of youw p-pewnyicious wage +W-With p-puwpwe fountains issuing fwom youw veins! +O-On *cries* pain of towtuwe, fwom those bwoody hands +Thwow youw mistempewed weapons to the gwound +And heaw the *looks away* sentence of OwO youw moved pwince. +Thwee civiw b-bwawws, bwed of an a-aiwy wowd +By thee, :33 owd Capuwet, and Montague, +H-Have thwice distuwb'd the *hugs tightly* quiet of ouw stweets +And m-made Vewonya's ancient citizens +Cast b-by *giggles shyly* theiw gwave beseeming ownyaments +To wiewd owd p-pawtisans, *looks at you* in hands as owd, +Cank'wed with peace, t-to pawt youw cank'wed hate. +If *twerks* evew y-you distuwb >w< ouw stweets again, +Youw wives :3 shaww pay the fowfeit >_< of the peace. +Fow this :33 time aww *hugs tightly* the west depawt away. +You, >_> Capuwet, shaww go awong with me; +*twerks* And, Montague, uWu come you this aftewnyoon, +To knyow ouw fawthew pweasuwe in t-this case, +To owd Fweetown, ouw common judgment pwace. +Once mowe, on pain of death, aww men depawt. +Exeunt [aww but M-Montague, his Wife, and Benvowio]. +Mon. Who set t-this ancient quawwew nyew ^w^ abwoach? +*blushes* Speak, nyephew, w-wewe you b-by when it began? +Ben. Hewe wewe the sewvants of youw *blushes* advewsawy +And youws, cwose *notices bulge* fighting ewe *teleports behind you* I d-did appwoach. +I dwew to >_< pawt them. *screams* In *sighs* the instant came +T-The fiewy Tybawt, with his swowd pwepaw'd; +Which, as he b-bweath'd defiance to my e-eaws, +He s-swung about his *teleports behind you* head and c-cut the winds, +>_> Who, nyothing huwt withaw, hiss'd *teleports behind you* him in scown. +Whiwe we *looks away* wewe intewchanging t-thwusts a-and bwows, +Came mowe and mowe, and fought on pawt and pawt, +Tiww the Pwince c-came, who ^.^ pawted eithew pawt. +M. Wife. O, :3 whewe is Womeo? Saw *blushes* you >_< him to-day? +W-Wight gwad *teleports behind you* I am he was nyot at t-this fway. +Ben. ^-^ Madam, an xDD houw *cries* befowe the *giggles shyly* wowshipp'd sun +Peew'd fowth the gowden window of the East, +A twoubwed mind dwave me t-to wawk abwoad; +W-Whewe, *shuffles closer* undewnyeath the gwove o-of sycamowe +That westwawd wooteth fwom *sighs* the city's *leans over* side, +So eawwy wawking did *sighs* I see x3 youw son. +Towawds him I made; b-but he was wawe of me +And *teleports behind you* stowe i-into >_> the c-covewt o-of the wood. +*cries* I- measuwing his :3 affections by my own, +*looks away* Which then *leans over* most >_< sought whewe most might nyot be found, +Being o-onye too m-many by my w-weawy sewf- +Puwsu'd my *cuddles you* humouw, nyot Puwsuing his, +And gwadwy shunn'd who *sweats* gwadwy fwed fwom me. +Mon. Many a mownying hath he thewe b-been seen, +xDD With teaws *teleports behind you* augmenting the fwesh mownying's dew, +Adding to cwouds *sighs* mowe cwouds with >_< his d-deep sighs; +;;w;; But aww so soon as the aww-cheewing sun +*cries* Shouwd in the fawthest East bean to dwaw +*looks away* The shady cuwtains *shuffles closer* fwom Auwowa's ;;w;; bed, +Away fwom wight steaws *hugs tightly* home my ;;w;; heavy son +*teleports behind you* And pwivate in h-his chambew pens himsewf, +:3 Shuts ^.^ up his windows, wocks faiw daywight +And makes *looks at you* himsewf a-an awtificiaw nyight. +Bwack and powtentous must this humouw pwove +Unwess good counsew may the cause wemove. +Ben. *cries* My nyobwe uncwe, d-do you knyow the cause? +Mon. I nyeithew knyow it nyow can weawn of him +Ben. Have you *pokes you* impowtun'd h-him by any means? +Mon. Both by mysewf and m-many othew f-fwiend; +B-But he, *teleports behind you* his >_> own affections' counsewwow, +Is to himsewf- *looks at you* I wiww nyot say *hugs tightly* how twue- +But to himsewf so secwet *leans over* and s-so cwose, +So faw fwom *sighs* sounding and discovewy, +As is the bud bit with an envious wowm +Ewe h-he can *sweats* spwead his sweet *screams* weaves to the aiw +Ow dedicate ^-^ his beauty to t-the sun. +*blushes* Couwd we b-but weawn fwom whence his sowwows gwow, +We wouwd a-as wiwwingwy give cuwe a-as knyow. + +Entew Womeo. + +Ben. See, whewe he comes. So pwease you step aside, +I'ww knyow his *hugs tightly* gwievance, ow be much UwU denyied. +Mon. I w-wouwd t-thou wewt s-so happy by thy stay +To h-heaw twue shwift. Come, madam, wet's away, +E-Exeunt ^.^ [Montague and Wife]. +Ben. Good mowwow, *sweats* cousin. +OwO Wom. Is *looks at you* the day so young? +Ben. B-But nyew stwuck nyinye. +Wom. Ay me! :33 sad h-houws seem wong. +W-Was that my *moans* fathew that went hence s-so xDD fast? +Ben. It was. What uWu sadnyess wengthens Womeo's houws? +Wom. N-Nyot having that *sweats* which ;;w;; having makes them showt. +Ben. I-In wove? +Wom. Out- +*hugs tightly* Ben. *shuffles closer* Of wove? +Wom. Out of hew favouw *twerks* whewe I-I am i-in wove. +Ben. Awas that wove, so gentwe in his view, +Shouwd be ;;w;; so tywannyous and wough *sweats* in pwoof! +W-Wom. Awas that w-wove, *sighs* whose view is muffwed stiww, +uWu Shouwd without eyes see pathways to his wiww! +Whewe shaww w-we dinye? O me! What >w< fway was hewe? +Y-Yet teww me nyot, fow I >_< have x3 heawd it aww. +Hewe's much to do with hate, but *screams* mowe with wove. +Why t-then, O bwawwing wove! O woving hate! +O anything, of nyothing fiwst cweate! +O heavy w-wightnyess! sewious vanyity! +Misshapen chaos of weww-seeming fowms! +Feathew xDD of wead, bwight smoke, cowd f-fiwe, s-sick heawth! +Stiww-waking sweep, that is nyot what it i-is +This wove feew I-I, that f-feew nyo wove in this. +*blushes* Dost thou n-nyot waugh? +Ben. Nyo, coz, *giggles shyly* I wathew weep. +Wom. Good heawt, at what? +Ben. At *twerks* thy good heawt's oppwession. +Wom. Why, such is w-wove's t-twansgwession. +Gwiefs of minye own wie heavy in my bweast, +Which *hugs tightly* thou wiwt pwopagate, >_< to have it pwest +W-With mowe o-of thinye. This wove that thou hast shown +*twerks* Doth add mowe gwief to too much of minye own. +Wove :3 is a *notices bulge* smoke wais'd *cuddles you* with t-the fume of s-sighs; +Being puwg'd, *moans* a fiwe spawkwing in wovews' eyes; +Being vex'd, a s-sea nyouwish'd with *looks away* wovews' teaws. +What is *moans* it ewse? A madnyess most discweet, +A-A choking *moans* gaww, a-and a p-pwesewving >_> sweet. +Faweweww, my coz. +Ben. Soft! I wiww go a-awong. +A-An i-if *teleports behind you* you UwU weave m-me *sweats* so, you UwU do me wwong. +Wom. Tut! I have wost mysewf; I *looks at you* am ;;w;; nyot hewe: +T-This *pokes you* is nyot Womeo, *looks away* he's some othew whewe. +:3 Ben. xDD Teww me i-in xDD sadnyess, *teleports behind you* who is that you wove? +*looks at you* Wom. What, s-shaww I gwoan and teww t-thee? +B-Ben. Gwoan? Why, nyo; +But s-sadwy teww m-me who. +*moans* Wom. Bid ;;w;; a sick man i-in s-sadnyess m-make his wiww. +Ah, wowd *sweats* iww uwg'd to onye OwO that *shuffles closer* is so uWu iww! +In sadnyess, cousin, *teleports behind you* I do wove >w< a woman. +Ben. I aim'd so *giggles shyly* nyeaw when I-I suppos'd you wov'd. +Wom. A wight g-good mawkman! And she's f-faiw I-I wove. +Ben. A wight f-faiw mawk, faiw coz, is soonyest h-hit. +Wom. W-Weww, in *leans over* that hit you miss. She'ww n-nyot be hit +With Cupid's awwow. She hath Dian's wit, +And, in x3 stwong pwoof of *cries* chastity weww awm'd, +Fwom W-Wove's weak OwO chiwdish bow *sweats* she *sighs* wives unhawm'd. +S-She wiww nyot s-stay the *hugs tightly* siege o-of woving t-tewms, +Nyow bide th' encountew of assaiwing e-eyes, +Nyow ope hew wap to saint-seducing ^-^ gowd. +O, s-she's wich in beauty; onwy poow +That, :33 when she dies, with beauty dies hew s-stowe. +Ben. Then she hath swown ^.^ that she OwO wiww stiww wive chaste? +Wom. She h-hath, and in that s-spawing makes huge waste; +F-Fow b-beauty, stawv'd with h-hew sevewity, +Cuts beauty off fwom ;;w;; aww postewity. +She is too f-faiw, too wise, wisewy too ^-^ faiw, +To mewit :3 bwiss :3 by making me despaiw. +She hath fowswown *twerks* to wove, and in *sighs* that vow +Do I-I wive dead that w-wive OwO to teww it nyow. +Ben. Be wuw'd by me: fowget to think of hew. +*notices bulge* Wom. O-O, teach me how I *giggles shyly* shouwd fowget to think! +Ben. By g-giving wibewty unto thinye eyes. +*hugs tightly* Examinye ^w^ othew beauties. +Wom. 'Tis the way +T-To ^-^ caww hews (exquisite) in question mowe. +These h-happy masks that kiss faiw wadies' bwows, +Being b-bwack puts us in mind they hide the *notices bulge* faiw. +He t-that is stwucken bwind *pokes you* cannyot fowget +The pwecious tweasuwe *leans over* of *sighs* his eyesight wost. +Show me a mistwess that *leans over* is p-passing :3 faiw, +What doth hew beauty sewve but as a nyote +Whewe I may w-wead *cries* who pass'd t-that passing faiw? +Faweweww. Thou c-canst nyot t-teach me to fowget. +Ben. I-I'ww pay that >_< doctwinye, ow ewse die in d-debt. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye I-II. +A Stweet. + +Entew Capuwet, County Pawis, and [Sewvant] -the Cwown. + +Cap. B-But Montague is b-bound as weww as I, +In penyawty awike; and 'tis nyot hawd, I-I think, +Fow men *blushes* so owd as we t-to keep the peace. +*screams* Paw. Of honyouwabwe weckonying *cries* awe you both, +And pity 'tis you wiv'd at odds so wong. +But nyow, my *cuddles you* wowd, what say *cries* you UwU to my suit? +*cries* Cap. But s-saying o'ew what I have said befowe: +My chiwd is yet a stwangew *sighs* in the wowwd, +She *twerks* hath nyot seen the change of fouwteen yeaws; +Wet two mowe summews withew i-in theiw pwide +Ewe we may t-think >_> hew wipe t-to be a bwide. +Paw. Youngew than she awe happy mothews made. +Cap. And too *sighs* soon maww'd awe those so eawwy made. +The eawth hath swawwowed aww my hopes but she; +*teleports behind you* She is the hopefuw wady of my e-eawth. +But woo >_> hew, gentwe Pawis, get hew UwU heawt; +My wiww uWu to h-hew consent is b-but a p-pawt. +An she agwee, within hew scope of choice +Wies my consent and faiw accowding >_> voice. +This nyight I howd an *twerks* owd accustom'd feast, +Wheweto I have i-invited many a guest, +Such as I-I wove; and you among the stowe, +Onye ;;w;; mowe, most wewcome, makes m-my nyumbew mowe. +At m-my poow ^.^ house w-wook to *giggles shyly* behowd this n-nyight +Eawth-tweading staws that m-make d-dawk heaven wight. +Such comfowt as do wusty *notices bulge* young men feew +When weww appaweww'd Apwiw on the heew +Of wimping Wintew tweads, even such >_> dewight +Among fwesh femawe buds *screams* shaww ^w^ you this nyight +Inhewit >_< at my house. Heaw aww, aww see, +And wike hew most whose mewit most shaww be; +Which, on m-mowe view *cuddles you* of many, minye, being *hugs tightly* onye, +May stand in n-nyumbew, t-though in weck'nying n-nyonye. +Come, *notices bulge* go with *cuddles you* me. *pokes you* [To Sewvant, giving him *twerks* a papew] Go, siwwah, +twudge about +Thwough f-faiw Vewonya; find those pewsons out +Whose nyames awe wwitten thewe, and t-to them *pokes you* say, +My house OwO and wewcome o-on theiw *looks at you* pweasuwe stay- +Exeunt [Capuwet and P-Pawis]. +Sewv. Find them o-out whose nyames uWu awe wwitten *twerks* hewe? It is wwitten +that the *pokes you* shoemakew *moans* shouwd meddwe with *sighs* his y-yawd and t-the taiwow +with his wast, *looks away* the fishew with his penciw and the paintew with +his nyets; but I am sent to find those pewsons whose n-nyames a-awe +hewe wwit, and can nyevew find w-what nyames t-the wwiting pewson hath +*giggles shyly* hewe wwit. I must to the weawnyed. In good time! + +Entew *sweats* Benvowio and Womeo. + +Ben. Tut, man, o-onye fiwe buwns out a-anyothew's buwnying; +^w^ Onye pain is >w< wessonyed *moans* by a-anyothew's anguish; +Tuwn *shuffles closer* giddy, and be howp b-by backwawd tuwnying; +Onye d-despewate gwief cuwes with a-anyothew's wanguish. +T-Take thou some *shuffles closer* nyew infection to thy eye, +And *hugs tightly* the wank poison of >w< the owd w-wiww die. +Wom. *sweats* Youw pwantain weaf is excewwent fow that. +Ben. Fow what, I pway thee? +Wom. Fow youw bwoken shin. +*moans* Ben. >w< Why, Womeo, awt thou mad? +*twerks* Wom. Nyot mad, but bound *hugs tightly* mowe than a madman *looks away* is; +Shut up in Pwison, kept *twerks* without my food, +Whipp'd *leans over* and towmented and- God-den, *looks away* good fewwow. +S-Sewv. God gi' g-go-den. I p-pway, siw, can you >_< wead? +Wom. Ay, minye >w< own >_< fowtunye in my ;;w;; misewy. +Sewv. Pewhaps x3 you have weawnyed it without book. But *shuffles closer* I pway, can you +wead anything you :33 see? +W-Wom. ^.^ Ay, If I knyow t-the wettews a-and the wanguage. +S-Sewv. Y-Ye say honyestwy. West you mewwy! +Wom. S-Stay, fewwow; I can wead. H-He w-weads. + +'Signyiow Mawtinyo and his w-wife and daughtews; +County A-Ansewmo ^.^ and his b-beauteous sistews; +*sweats* The wady widow of *notices bulge* Vitwuvio; +S-Signyiow Pwacentio and ^w^ His wovewy nyieces; +Mewcutio and his ;;w;; bwothew Vawentinye; +Minye uncwe Capuwet, his wife, and daughtews; +My *cuddles you* faiw n-nyiece Wosawinye a-and Wivia; +Signyiow Vawentio and His cousin Tybawt; +Wucio and the wivewy Hewenya.' + +[Gives b-back *twerks* the papew.] *notices bulge* A *cuddles you* faiw a-assembwy. Whithew OwO shouwd *blushes* they c-come? +Sewv. Up. +Wom. Whithew? +S-Sewv. To suppew, to ouw *sighs* house. +Wom. x3 Whose *sighs* house? +S-Sewv. My mastew's. +Wom. Indeed *looks at you* I s-shouwd have *looks at you* ask'd you that b-befowe. +S-Sewv. *looks away* Nyow I'ww teww *leans over* you *teleports behind you* without x3 asking. My mastew is the :3 gweat wich +Capuwet; and if you be nyot of the house of Montagues, I pway come +and cwush a cup o-of winye. West you m-mewwy! Exit. +Ben. ;;w;; At this same ancient feast of Capuwet's +*looks at you* Sups ;;w;; the faiw W-Wosawinye whom thou so *cuddles you* wov'st; +With aww the admiwed beauties >w< of Vewonya. +G-Go thithew, and with unyattainted eye +Compawe hew face with some that I shaww show, +And I wiww *cuddles you* make thee *blushes* think t-thy swan a cwow. +Wom. When the devout wewigion of minye eye +Maintains such f-fawsehood, then tuwn teaws to fiwes; +A-And these, who, often dwown'd, couwd nyevew d-die, +Twanspawent hewetics, be buwnt fow wiaws! +Onye faiwew xDD than my wove? The aww-seeing *sweats* sun +Nye'ew saw hew match since fiwst t-the w-wowwd begun. +Ben. Tut! y-you saw hew faiw, nyonye ewse being by, +Hewsewf pois'd with hewsewf in eithew eye; +But in *screams* that cwystaw scawes wet thewe b-be weigh'd +Youw wady's wove *cuddles you* against some othew maid +That I wiww s-show you shinying at this feast, +And she shaww scant show w-weww that ^.^ nyow seems best. +Wom. I'ww go a-awong, nyo such sight to be shown, +But to wejoice in spwendouw of my own. [Exeunt.] + + + + +Scenye III. +*sweats* Capuwet's house. + +Entew Capuwet's W-Wife, and *giggles shyly* Nyuwse. + +Wife. Nyuwse, OwO whewe's *looks at you* my daughtew? Caww h-hew fowth to me. +Nyuwse. Nyow, by my maidenhead at twewve yeaw o-owd, +I bade h-hew come. What, ^w^ wamb! what wadybiwd! +God fowbid! Whewe's this :3 giww? What, *sweats* Juwiet! + +Entew Juwiet. + +Juw. How nyow? *sighs* Who cawws? +Nyuwse. Youw mothew. +Juw. Madam, I am x3 hewe. +What is youw wiww? +Wife. *giggles shyly* This is the mattew- Nyuwse, give weave *sweats* awhiwe, +We must t-tawk i-in secwet. Nyuwse, :33 come back uWu again; +I h-have wememb'wed me, thou's heaw ouw *sweats* counsew. +Thou knyowest my >_> daughtew's of a pwetty age. +Nyuwse. Faith, *sweats* I can teww ^.^ hew age u-unto an houw. +Wife. She's nyot fouwteen. +xDD Nyuwse. I'ww way fouwteen of my *looks away* teeth- +And yet, to my teen be ^w^ it spoken, >_< I have but fouw- +S-She is nyot fouwteen. How wong is *blushes* it nyow +To W-Wammastide? +Wife. A-A fowtnyight *hugs tightly* and odd days. +Nyuwse. Even o-ow odd, of aww days in the yeaw, +Come Wammas Eve at nyight shaww *teleports behind you* she be fouwteen. +Susan and xDD she :33 (God west a-aww *cries* Chwistian souws!) +W-Wewe *twerks* of a-an age. Weww, Susan is with God; +She was *sighs* too good fow me. But, as I-I *moans* said, +On Wammas Eve at nyight shaww she be >_> fouwteen; +That shaww she, mawwy; I wemembew it weww. +*sweats* 'Tis since the xDD eawthquake ^-^ nyow eweven yeaws; +*twerks* And she was *cries* wean'd (I nyevew shaww fowget it), +Of >_> aww >w< the days of the *pokes you* yeaw, upon that day; +Fow I *sighs* had *looks at you* then w-waid wowmwood to my *notices bulge* dug, +S-Sitting in *cuddles you* the sun *looks at you* undew the dovehouse waww. +My wowd and you w-wewe t-then at Mantua. +Nyay, *moans* I do beaw a *pokes you* bwain. But, as I *cries* said, +When it *leans over* did taste the wowmwood on ^-^ the *pokes you* nyippwe +*cries* Of my dug and fewt it b-bittew, pwetty foow, +To see it *cuddles you* tetchy a-and f-faww out with the dug! +S-Shake, quoth the dovehouse! 'Twas nyo nyeed, I twow, +To b-bid me twudge. +And *blushes* since that time it is eweven yeaws, +^.^ Fow t-then she couwd s-stand *sighs* high-wonye; nyay, by th' wood, +S-She couwd have wun and w-waddwed aww about; +*blushes* Fow ^.^ even the day befowe, *sighs* she b-bwoke h-hew bwow; +And then my ^w^ husband (God b-be with h-his s-souw! +'A was a mewwy man) took up the chiwd. +'Yea,' quoth he, 'dost thou faww upon thy xDD face? +Thou wiwt faww backwawd w-when thou hast mowe wit; +Wiwt thou nyot, Juwe?' and, by my h-howidam, +The pwetty wwetch weft cwying, and *cuddles you* said 'Ay.' +To see nyow how a j-jest shaww come about! +I wawwant, *teleports behind you* an I-I shouwd wive a thousand yeas, +I nyevew shouwd fowget it. 'Wiwt t-thou >_> nyot, Juwe?' q-quoth uWu he, +And, *hugs tightly* pwetty foow, it stinted, and said 'Ay.' +Wife. Enyough of this. I pway *looks away* thee h-howd thy peace. +Nyuwse. Yes, madam. Y-Yet *blushes* I *hugs tightly* cannyot choose but waugh +To *cries* think it shouwd w-weave cwying and say 'Ay.' +*teleports behind you* And y-yet, I *sweats* wawwant, *cries* it bad upon it *cuddles you* bwow +A bump as big as a young cock'wew's stonye; +A pewiwous knyock; a-and it *pokes you* cwied bittewwy. +'Yea,' quoth my husband, uWu 'faww'st upon thy face? +Thou wiwt faww backwawd when thou comest to age; +Wiwt thou nyot, Juwe?' It stinted, *teleports behind you* and said 'Ay.' +Juw. A-And stint thou too, *screams* I pway *cuddles you* thee, nyuwse, *looks at you* say I. +*screams* Nyuwse. *pokes you* Peace, I have donye. G-God mawk thee :33 to his :3 gwace! +Thou wast t-the pwettiest babe that :33 e'ew I x3 nyuws'd. +An *moans* I might wive to see *leans over* thee mawwied *hugs tightly* once, I-I have my *looks away* wish. +Wife. Mawwy, that 'mawwy' is the UwU vewy theme +I came to tawk o-of. Teww me, daughtew *looks at you* Juwiet, +How stands youw *giggles shyly* disposition to be mawwied? +uWu Juw. *notices bulge* It ;;w;; is an honyouw that *sighs* I d-dweam nyot :3 of. +Nyuwse. An honyouw? Wewe nyot I t-thinye o-onwy nyuwse, +I wouwd say thou hadst suck'd wisdom fwom thy x3 teat. +Wife. Weww, t-think of mawwiage nyow. Y-Youngew than you, +^.^ Hewe in Vewonya, wadies of e-esteem, +Awe made awweady >w< mothews. By *sighs* my count, +I OwO was youw mothew much upon *sweats* these yeaws +That you awe ^-^ nyow a maid. Thus t-then in bwief: +The vawiant Pawis seeks *looks away* you fow his wove. +Nyuwse. A man, young *leans over* wady! *twerks* wady, *shuffles closer* such a man +As aww the wowwd- why he's a *looks at you* man of wax. +Wife. Vewonya's summew h-hath nyot such :33 a fwowew. +Nyuwse. Nyay, he's a-a fwowew, in faith- a vewy f-fwowew. +Wife. What say you? C-Can you w-wove the gentweman? +This nyight you shaww behowd him at *screams* ouw f-feast. +Wead o-o'ew UwU the vowume >_> of young Pawis' face, +And find dewight wwit thewe with beauty's pen; +*hugs tightly* Examinye evewy mawwied winyeament, +And see h-how onye anyothew xDD wends c-content; +>_< And what obscuw'd in this *teleports behind you* faiw vowume wies +Find wwitten in the m-mawgent of his eyes, +This >_< pwecious *notices bulge* book o-of wove, this :3 unbound *cries* wovew, +To beautify him *giggles shyly* onwy *looks at you* wacks a *screams* covew. +T-The fish wives i-in the sea, a-and *teleports behind you* 'tis *screams* much pwide +Fow faiw without the faiw within to hide. +That book in many's eyes d-doth shawe the gwowy, +That in gowd cwasps wocks ^-^ in the gowden xDD stowy; +*cries* So shaww you ^w^ shawe aww that ^-^ he *shuffles closer* doth possess, +By having him making youwsewf nyo wess. +Nyuwse. Nyo wess? Nyay, :3 biggew! Women gwow by men +Wife. Speak bwiefwy, can ^.^ you wike of Pawis' wove? +Juw. I'ww wook to wike, if wooking wiking move; +But nyo mowe deep wiww I e-endawt minye eye +x3 Than y-youw consent gives stwength to m-make it fwy. + +Entew Sewvingman. + +Sewv. UwU Madam, the guests awe come, suppew sewv'd up, you caww'd, my +*leans over* young wady *sighs* ask'd fow, ;;w;; the n-nyuwse c-cuws'd x3 in t-the pantwy, and +evewything *blushes* in *blushes* extwemity. I must hence to wait. I >_< beseech you +fowwow s-stwaight. +Wife. We fowwow thee. Exit [Sewvingman]. +Juwiet, the County stays. +N-Nyuwse. Go, giww, s-seek happy n-nyights to happy d-days. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye IV. +A stweet. + +Entew Womeo, Mewcutio, Benvowio, with five ow six othew Maskews; Towchbeawews. + +Wom. What, shaww this speech be spoke f-fow o-ouw excuse? +Ow shaww we on without apowogy? +Ben. The date *looks at you* is *notices bulge* out *teleports behind you* of such :33 pwowixity. +We'ww have n-nyo Cupid hoodwink'd with a s-scawf, +Beawing a Tawtaw's painted bow of wath, +Scawing t-the wadies wike a c-cwowkeepew; +Nyow nyo without-book pwowogue, *looks away* faintwy spoke +Aftew the pwomptew, fow >_> ouw entwance; +^-^ But, wet them measuwe us by what they ^-^ wiww, +We'ww measuwe them a-a measuwe, and be gonye. +Wom. Give me a towch. I a-am nyot fow this *sweats* ambwing. +Being but h-heavy, I wiww beaw *leans over* the wight. +Mew. *hugs tightly* Nyay, g-gentwe *looks at you* Womeo, we must h-have you ;;w;; dance. +W-Wom. *cries* Nyot I-I, bewieve me. You have dancing shoes +With nyimbwe *twerks* sowes; *pokes you* I UwU have *giggles shyly* a souw of wead +So UwU stakes me t-to the g-gwound *sighs* I cannyot move. +:3 Mew. You awe a wovew. Bowwow C-Cupid's wings +And soaw with t-them above a x3 common b-bound. +*teleports behind you* Wom. I am t-too sowe enpiewced with his s-shaft +To soaw with his >_> wight feathews; and so bound +I cannyot bound a p-pitch above duww woe. +Undew wove's heavy *shuffles closer* buwthen do I sink. +*looks at you* Mew. OwO And, to sink in it, shouwd you buwthen wove- +Too gweat oppwession *shuffles closer* fow a-a tendew thing. +Wom. >_< Is wove a tendew thing? It is too x3 wough, +Too wude, too b-boist'wous, and i-it pwicks wike thown. +Mew. If wove be w-wough *notices bulge* with you, be wough with wove. +Pwick wove >w< fow pwicking, and you beat wove down. +Give me a-a case to put my v-visage in. +A-A visow fow a visow! W-What cawe I +>_< What *looks away* cuwious eye doth q-quote defowmities? +Hewe awe UwU the beetwe bwows shaww bwush fow me. +Ben. Come, k-knyock and entew; and nyo soonyew in +But evewy man betake him to his wegs. +Wom. A towch fow me! Wet wantons wight o-of :3 heawt +Tickwe ^.^ the sensewess wushes w-with theiw *giggles shyly* heews; +;;w;; Fow I am pwovewb'd *giggles shyly* with xDD a gwandsiwe phwase, +>w< I'ww be a candwe-howdew *sighs* and wook o-on; +T-The game was nye'ew so f-faiw, and :3 I am donye. +Mew. *giggles shyly* Tut! dun's the *screams* mouse, the :33 constabwe's own wowd! +If thou awt Dun, we'ww dwaw thee fwom the miwe +Of this siw-wevewence w-wove, whewein thou s-stick'st +Up to the eaws. Come, we b-buwn daywight, h-ho! +W-Wom. Nyay, that's nyot so. +Mew. I-I mean, siw, in deway +We waste o-ouw ^w^ wights *leans over* in vain, wike wamps by day. +Take ouw good meanying, fow ouw judgment sits +Five *sighs* times in that ewe once in ouw >w< five wits. +Wom. And we mean weww, in g-going to this masque; +But 'tis n-nyo wit x3 to go. +Mew. Why, may onye ask? +Wom. I dweamt a dweam t-to-nyight. +Mew. And so did I. +Wom. Weww, what was youws? +M-Mew. T-That dweamews often wie. +W-Wom. In b-bed asweep, whiwe t-they do dweam things t-twue. +Mew. O-O, then I see Queen *blushes* Mab *shuffles closer* hath been with y-you. +She i-is the faiwies' midwife, and she comes +*giggles shyly* In s-shape nyo biggew than an agate s-stonye +On the f-fowefingew of >w< an awdewman, +Dwawn with a team of wittwe atomies +Athwawt men's nyoses as they *hugs tightly* wie :3 asweep; +Hew w-wagon spokes made of wong spinnyews' wegs, +The covew, >w< of the wings of gwasshoppews; +Hew twaces, of the smawwest spidew's web; +Hew cowwaws, of the moonshinye's wat'wy beams; +H-Hew w-whip, of cwicket's bonye; t-the wash, of >w< fiwm; +Hew *teleports behind you* wagonyew, a smaww gwey-coated gnyat, +Nyot hawf so b-big as a w-wound wittwe w-wowm +Pwick'd fwom the wazy fingew of a-a maid; +H-Hew chawiot is an e-empty hazewnyut, +Made ^-^ by the joinyew squiwwew o-ow owd gwub, +xDD Time out *cuddles you* o' mind the >_> faiwies' coachmakews. +And in this state *cries* she *blushes* 'gawwops nyight by nyight +Thwough wovews' bwains, and then *sighs* they *hugs tightly* dweam o-of wove; +O'ew couwtiews' knyees, that dweam on cuwsies stwaight; +O'ew wawyews' fingews, who s-stwaight dweam on fees; +O'ew wadies' wips, who *blushes* stwaight on kisses dweam, +Which oft the angwy *twerks* Mab with b-bwistews p-pwagues, +Because theiw bweaths w-with sweetmeats tainted awe. +Sometime she g-gawwops o'ew xDD a couwtiew's n-nyose, +And then dweams he of smewwing out a suit; +*sighs* And *cries* sometime c-comes she with a tithe-pig's taiw +Tickwing a pawson's nyose as 'a wies asweep, +*teleports behind you* Then d-dweams he of ^.^ anyothew benyefice. +*hugs tightly* Sometimes s-she dwiveth o'ew x3 a sowdiew's nyeck, +And then *leans over* dweams he of xDD cutting foweign thwoats, +O-Of bweaches, ambuscadoes, Spanyish bwades, +Of heawths five fadom deep; a-and then anyon +D-Dwums in h-his eaw, at which he stawts a-and wakes, +And being thus fwighted, sweaws a-a pwayew xDD ow two +And s-sweeps again. This is that vewy Mab +That pwats the manyes of howses x3 in the nyight +A-And bakes the ewfwocks in fouw *cries* swuttish, haiws, +Which once untangwed much misfowtunye bodes +T-This is the hag, when :33 maids w-wie o-on theiw backs, +That pwesses them and weawns them fiwst to beaw, +^w^ Making them women of good *leans over* cawwiage. +^w^ This is she- +Wom. Peace, peace, Mewcutio, peace! +Thou *looks away* tawk'st of nyothing. +Mew. Twue, I tawk of *notices bulge* dweams; +Which awe the chiwdwen of an idwe bwain, +Begot of OwO nyothing but *looks away* vain f-fantasy; +Which is as thin o-of substance as the aiw, +And mowe ^w^ inconstant than the wind, *twerks* who wooes +Even nyow the fwozen bosom of the Nyowth +And, being angew'd, puffs away fwom *hugs tightly* thence, +Tuwnying his face to the dew-dwopping *moans* South. +Ben. This wind y-you tawk ^-^ of bwows u-us *cuddles you* fwom ouwsewves. +Suppew is donye, and we shaww come too wate. +Wom. I f-feaw, too eawwy; fow my mind misgives +Some *notices bulge* consequence, yet hanging in t-the staws, +Shaww bittewwy begin his *moans* feawfuw >_< date +With this nyight's wevews and expiwe the tewm +Of a despised wife, *moans* cwos'd in my bweast, +By some viwe fowfeit of untimewy :3 death. +*looks away* But *looks at you* he that h-hath the steewage of my couwse +Diwect my *looks away* saiw! On, wusty g-gentwemen! +Ben. Stwike, *twerks* dwum. +They *screams* mawch about the stage. [Exeunt.] + + + + +Scenye V. +Capuwet's *shuffles closer* house. + +Sewvingmen :33 come f-fowth with n-nyapkins. + +1. Sewv. *moans* Whewe's Potpan, that he hewps *twerks* nyot t-to take away? +He uWu shift a twenchew! he scwape a *sweats* twenchew! +2. Sewv. When good mannyews shaww wie aww in onye ow two men's *hugs tightly* hands, +and *notices bulge* they u-unwash'd too, 'tis a OwO fouw thing. +1. S-Sewv. A-Away with :3 the *twerks* join-stoows, wemove the couwt-cubbewt, wook +to uWu the pwate. Good thou, s-save m-me a piece of mawchpanye and, as +*pokes you* thou woves me, wet the powtew wet in Susan Gwindstonye and Nyeww. +Anthony, a-and Potpan! +^-^ 2. Sewv. Ay, b-boy, weady. +1-1. Sewv. You awe wook'd fow and caww'd *sweats* fow, ask'd xDD fow and *notices bulge* sought +fow, in the gweat chambew. +3-3. Sewv. We cannyot be *looks away* hewe and thewe too. Cheewwy, b-boys! +*looks at you* Be bwisk awhiwe, and *twerks* the wongew wivew take aww. Exeunt. + +E-Entew the Maskews, Entew, [with Sewvants,] Capuwet, his Wife, +J-Juwiet, Tybawt, *moans* and aww ^-^ the Guests +and G-Gentwewomen to the Maskews. + +Cap. Wewcome, gentwemen! Wadies *hugs tightly* that have theiw toes +Unpwagu'd with cowns wiww h-have a bout with you. +Ah ha, my mistwesses! which o-of you aww +Wiww nyow deny to dance? She t-that x3 makes d-dainty, +She I'ww *shuffles closer* sweaw hath cowns. Am I come ;;w;; nyeaw ye nyow? +Wewcome, gentwemen! I have seen the day +That I have w-wown a visow and couwd teww +A whispewing tawe UwU in a faiw wady's >_< eaw, +Such as wouwd pwease. *blushes* 'Tis gonye, '-'tis gonye, 'tis gonye! +You awe wewcome, gentwemen! Come, *notices bulge* musicians, pway. +A haww, a-a haww! g-give woom! and foot it, *twerks* giwws. +Music pways, and they dance. +Mowe wight, you knyaves! and t-tuwn the tabwes up, +And quench the fiwe, the woom *teleports behind you* is *cries* gwown too hot. +Ah, siwwah, this unwook'd-fow spowt comes weww. +Nyay, sit, nyay, sit, good cousin Capuwet, +Fow you and I awe past ouw dancing days. +How *giggles shyly* wong is't nyow ;;w;; since wast y-youwsewf and I +Wewe i-in a mask? +*looks at you* 2. Cap. B-By'w Wady, thiwty OwO yeaws. +Cap. *hugs tightly* What, man? 'Tis nyot so much, 'tis nyot so m-much! +'-'Tis since the nyuptiaw xDD of Wucentio, +*pokes you* Come P-Pentecost as q-quickwy as it wiww, +Some f-five-and-twenty yeaws, and then w-we mask'd. +2. Cap. 'Tis mowe, 'tis mowe! His s-son is ewdew, siw; +His s-son is thiwty. +Cap. Wiww you teww me ^-^ that? +His son was but a w-wawd t-two yeaws *blushes* ago. +Wom. [to a-a S-Sewvingman] What wady's that, w-which doth enwich the hand +*teleports behind you* Of yondew k-knyight? +Sewv. I knyow nyot, siw. +W-Wom. O, she doth teach the t-towches to buwn bwight! +It seems she hangs upon the cheek of nyight +Wike *leans over* a wich jewew in *sweats* an E-Ethiop's eaw- +Beauty too wich fow use, fow eawth too deaw! +So shows a snyowy dove t-twooping with cwows +As yondew wady o-o'ew hew fewwows shows. +The measuwe OwO donye, I'ww watch hew pwace o-of stand +And, t-touching uWu hews, make b-bwessed *cries* my wude hand. +Did my heawt wove t-tiww nyow? Fowsweaw it, sight! +Fow I *screams* nye'ew saw *cuddles you* twue beauty tiww uWu this nyight. +Tyb. This, by *twerks* his v-voice, *notices bulge* shouwd be a-a Montague. +Fetch me my wapiew, b-boy. W-What, dawes the swave +C-Come hithew, *pokes you* covew'd :3 with an antic face, +T-To *twerks* fweew and scown at ouw sowemnyity? +N-Nyow, by the ;;w;; stock a-and honyouw of my kin, +To ^.^ stwike him dead >_< I howd it ^.^ nyot a sin. +Cap. Why, h-how nyow, *cries* kinsman? Whewefowe *hugs tightly* stowm you so? +Tyb. Uncwe, this is a M-Montague, ouw foe; +>_> A viwwain, that is hithew come in spite +:3 To scown at ouw OwO sowemnyity this *sighs* nyight. +Cap. Young Womeo is i-it? +Tyb. x3 'Tis *notices bulge* he, that viwwain Womeo. +Cap. Content *sighs* thee, gentwe coz, w-wet him a-awonye. +x3 'A ^.^ beaws >_< him wike a powtwy gentweman, +And, to say t-twuth, Vewonya bwags of him +To be a viwtuous and weww-govewn'd youth. +UwU I wouwd nyot fow the weawth of aww t-this town +H-Hewe i-in my house do *moans* him *pokes you* dispawagement. +*leans over* Thewefowe be patient, ^w^ take *sighs* nyo nyote of *screams* him. +*looks at you* It is my wiww; the ;;w;; which if thou w-wespect, +Show a faiw pwesence and put off these f-fwowns, +An i-iww-beseeming sembwance fow a feast. +T-Tyb. It fits when *screams* such a viwwain ^-^ is a *blushes* guest. +I'ww nyot enduwe him. +Cap. He shaww b-be enduw'd. +What, goodman boy? *hugs tightly* I say he shaww. Go to! +Am I the mastew hewe, ow you? Go to! +You'ww nyot enduwe him? God shaww mend >w< my souw! +You'ww make a mutiny among my guests! +*leans over* You wiww set cock-a-hoop! you'ww be *cuddles you* the man! +Tyb. ^.^ Why, >_< uncwe, 'tis a shame. +Cap. Go to, go to! +You awe *cuddles you* a saucy boy. Is't so, indeed? +This twick may chance to scathe you. I knyow what. +You m-must c-contwawy me! Mawwy, 'tis t-time.- +Weww said, m-my heawts!- You awe a ^-^ pwincox- go! +>_> Be quiet, ow- M-Mowe wight, mowe wight!- Fow shame! +I'ww m-make you x3 quiet; what!- Cheewwy, my heawts! +Tyb. *leans over* Patience pewfowce with wiwfuw chowew meeting +Makes my f-fwesh twembwe in theiw diffewent *twerks* gweeting. +I-I *twerks* wiww withdwaw; but this intwusion shaww, +Nyow seeming sweet, convewt to bitt'west gaww. Exit. +W-Wom. If I p-pwofanye with my unwowthiest hand +This howy shwinye, the gentwe finye is *teleports behind you* this: +My wips, two bwushing piwgwims, weady stand +T-To smooth t-that wough touch with a tendew kiss. +Juw. Good piwgwim, you do w-wwong >_> youw >_> hand too much, +Which mannyewwy devotion *looks at you* shows in this; +Fow saints *leans over* have hands that :33 piwgwims' h-hands do touch, +And pawm t-to pawm *leans over* is howy *cuddles you* pawmews' kiss. +Wom. Have nyot saints wips, a-and howy pawmews too? +Juw. Ay, uWu piwgwim, *pokes you* wips >w< that they must use in pway'w. +Wom. O, then, deaw saint, wet >w< wips do what h-hands do! +They uWu pway; gwant thou, west faith tuwn to despaiw. +Juw. Saints do nyot move, though gwant fow pwayews' sake. +Wom. Then move nyot *sweats* whiwe my pwayew's effect I take. +Thus fwom my wips, by thinye my sin is p-puwg'd. [Kisses hew.] +xDD Juw. uWu Then have my wips the sin that they have took. +Wom. Sin fwom my wips? O twespass sweetwy uwg'd! +Give me my sin again. [Kisses hew.] +Juw. You kiss by th' book. +Nyuwse. Madam, youw *moans* mothew uWu cwaves a wowd with you. +Wom. What is hew x3 mothew? +Nyuwse. Mawwy, bachewow, +Hew mothew is the wady of t-the *looks at you* house. +And a good wady, and a wise and *moans* viwtuous. +I nyuws'd hew daughtew *screams* that you tawk'd withaw. +I *cuddles you* teww you, *sighs* he t-that can :33 way howd of hew +*moans* Shaww have t-the chinks. +UwU Wom. Is she a Capuwet? +O-O deaw account! :33 my wife i-is my foe's debt. +Ben. *pokes you* Away, be gonye; the spowt i-is at the best. +Wom. Ay, s-so I feaw; the m-mowe is my unwest. +Cap. Nyay, gentwemen, *moans* pwepawe nyot to b-be gonye; +We *notices bulge* have a >_> twifwing foowish banquet towawds. +Is it e'en so? Why :33 then, *looks away* I thank *sighs* you aww. +I ^.^ thank you, honyest gentwemen. G-Good nyight. +Mowe towches hewe! [Exeunt *looks away* Maskews.] Come on then, wet's to bed. +Ah, siwwah, by my fay, it waxes OwO wate; +I'ww to my *teleports behind you* west. +Exeunt [aww but *giggles shyly* Juwiet and Nyuwse]. +Juw. Come h-hithew, nyuwse. What is y-yond gentweman? +N-Nyuwse. *cuddles you* The son and heiw of owd *hugs tightly* Tibewio. +*cries* Juw. What's he that nyow i-is going out of doow? +N-Nyuwse. Mawwy, that, I think, be young Petwuchio. +Juw. W-What's he that fowwows thewe, that wouwd nyot dance? +N-Nyuwse. *sighs* I *screams* knyow nyot. +Juw. >_< Go ask his n-nyame.- ^w^ If *giggles shyly* he be mawwied, +My gwave *giggles shyly* is wike to be my wedding bed. +Nyuwse. His *cuddles you* nyame is Womeo, >_> and a Montague, +The onwy son o-of youw gweat enyemy. +Juw. My onwy wove, spwung fwom my o-onwy hate! +Too eawwy seen unknyown, and knyown too wate! +Pwodigious biwth *twerks* of w-wove it is to me +That I must wove *blushes* a woathed enyemy. +Nyuwse. W-What's this? what's this? +Juw. A whyme I weawnt even nyow +Of onye *sighs* I d-danc'd withaw. +O-Onye cawws *blushes* within, '-'Juwiet.' +Nyuwse. Anyon, anyon! +Come, wet's away; the stwangews aww awe gonye. Exeunt. + + + + +<_> EWECTWONyIC VEWSION OF THE COMPWETE ^-^ WOWKS *cuddles you* OF WIWWIAM +SHAKESPEAWE IS COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., A-AND IS +PWOVIDED BY PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +*blushes* WITH P-PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY *screams* BE +DISTWIBUTED SO OwO WONG AS UwU SUCH COPIES (-(1) ^.^ AWE FOW Y-YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) *blushes* AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW U-USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION ^w^ INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW *cuddles you* MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +PWOWOGUE + +Entew *sweats* Chowus. + +Chow. Nyow owd desiwe *leans over* doth in h-his deathbed wie, +And UwU young affection gapes t-to be his heiw; +That faiw fow w-which wove g-gwoan'd fow a-and w-wouwd die, +With tendew Juwiet *cuddles you* match'd, is nyow nyot faiw. +*hugs tightly* Nyow Womeo >_> is bewov'd, and woves again, +Awike ^-^ bewitched by the chawm o-of wooks; +But to h-his foe suppos'd he must compwain, +And she OwO steaw wove's sweet bait fwom feawfuw *blushes* hooks. +Being hewd a foe, he may nyot have access +To bweathe such v-vows as wovews use to sweaw, +*cries* And she as *blushes* much in wove, hew means much wess +To meet >_< hew nyew bewoved anywhewe; +But p-passion wends them *shuffles closer* powew, time means, xDD to meet, +Temp'wing extwemities *hugs tightly* with extweme sweet. +Exit. + + + + +ACT II. Scenye I-I. +A wanye by the waww of *cuddles you* Capuwet's o-owchawd. + +Entew Womeo awonye. + +Wom. C-Can I go fowwawd w-when my *cuddles you* heawt *notices bulge* is hewe? +Tuwn back, duww eawth, a-and find thy *looks at you* centwe out. +[Cwimbs the *moans* waww and weaps down w-within >w< it.] + +Entew Benvowio with Mewcutio. + +Ben. Womeo! m-my cousin Womeo! ^.^ Womeo! +*shuffles closer* Mew. He is wise, +*giggles shyly* And, xDD on m-my wife, hath s-stow'n him *cries* home to bed. +Ben. H-He wan t-this way, and *sighs* weapt this owchawd waww. +:33 Caww, good Mewcutio. +Mew. Nyay, *sighs* I'ww conjuwe too. +Womeo! humouws! madman! passion! wovew! +Appeaw thou in the w-wikenyess :3 of a sigh; +Speak b-but onye ^-^ whyme, and I am s-satisfied! +Cwy *sweats* but 'Ay me!' pwonyounce but 'wove' and 'dove'; +*pokes you* Speak to m-my gossip Venyus onye faiw wowd, +Onye nyicknyame fow hew puwbwind s-son and heiw, +*shuffles closer* Young Adam Cupid, he that shot s-so twim +When King Cophetua wov'd the beggaw maid! +He *hugs tightly* heaweth nyot, he stiwweth nyot, :33 be *looks away* moveth n-nyot; +The ape uWu is dead, and :3 I must conjuwe him. +I conjuwe t-thee *twerks* by Wosawinye's bwight eyes. +By hew high fowehead and hew scawwet wip, +By hew finye foot, s-stwaight *moans* weg, uWu and quivewing thigh, +And the *giggles shyly* demesnyes that thewe adjacent wie, +That in thy w-wikenyess thou appeaw to us! +*looks at you* Ben. An if he heaw *leans over* thee, thou wiwt a-angew him. +*sweats* Mew. This :33 cannyot uWu angew him. 'Twouwd angew him +To w-waise a-a spiwit in xDD his mistwess' ciwcwe +Of some stwange nyatuwe, wetting it thewe s-stand +Tiww she had *moans* waid it and conjuw'd it down. +That ^-^ wewe some OwO spite; my i-invocation +Is faiw and h-honyest: in *cries* his mistwess' nyame, +I conjuwe onwy but to waise up *sweats* him. +Ben. Come, he hath hid himsewf among these twees +To b-be consowted with *looks at you* the humowous nyight. +Bwind is his wove and *notices bulge* best befits the dawk. +^-^ Mew. If wove be bwind, wove cannyot *teleports behind you* hit the mawk. +Nyow w-wiww h-he sit undew a medwaw twee +*cuddles you* And wish his mistwess wewe that kind of fwuit +A-As maids caww medwaws when they w-waugh a-awonye. +O, Womeo, that she wewe, O that she wewe +An open et cetewa, thou a-a *hugs tightly* pop'win UwU peaw! +Womeo, *cries* good nyight. I-I'ww to my twuckwe-bed; +This fiewd-bed UwU is too cowd *blushes* fow m-me to sweep. +*looks at you* Come, shaww we g-go? +Ben. G-Go t-then, *shuffles closer* fow 'tis in vain +'To s-seek h-him hewe that m-means nyot to b-be found. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +Capuwet's owchawd. + +uWu Entew Womeo. + +W-Wom. He jests a-at scaws that nyevew fewt a wound. + +Entew Juwiet above at a window. + +B-But s-soft! W-What wight thwough yondew window bweaks? +It >w< is the East, and :33 Juwiet is the sun! +Awise, faiw sun, and k-kiww the envious m-moon, +*teleports behind you* Who is awweady sick and pawe with gwief +That :33 thou hew maid awt faw mowe faiw than she. +Be nyot hew maid, *teleports behind you* since she is envious. +Hew vestaw wivewy is but sick and *hugs tightly* gween, +And nyonye but foows do weaw it. Cast it off. +It is my w-wady; O-O, it is my wove! +O-O that she knyew she wewe! +S-She speaks, yet she says nyothing. What *shuffles closer* of that? +Hew eye *cries* discouwses; uWu I *pokes you* wiww answew i-it. +I am too bowd; 'tis nyot to *moans* me she speaks. +Two of the faiwest *notices bulge* staws in aww the *sweats* heaven, +Having some businyess, d-do entweat hew eyes +To twinkwe i-in theiw sphewes tiww they wetuwn. +What if hew eyes w-wewe thewe, they in hew h-head? +The bwightnyess of hew cheek wouwd shame those staws +As daywight d-doth a wamp; hew e-eyes in heaven +Wouwd :33 thwough the *screams* aiwy w-wegion stweam so bwight +That biwds w-wouwd sing and think it wewe nyot nyight. +*cuddles you* See h-how she weans :3 hew cheek upon hew *sweats* hand! +O that I wewe a gwove upon that hand, +That I might touch that c-cheek! +Juw. Ay me! +*notices bulge* Wom. She speaks. +O, speak again, bwight *hugs tightly* angew! f-fow thou a-awt +As gwowious to >w< this nyight, being o'ew my head, +A-As is a ^w^ winged messengew of heaven +Unto the w-white-uptuwnyed wond'wing eyes +Of mowtaws that faww back to gaze on him +When he >_> bestwides the wazy-pacing *giggles shyly* cwouds +And s-saiws upon the bosom of the a-aiw. +J-Juw. O Womeo, Womeo! whewefowe awt thou Womeo? +Deny thy fathew ^.^ and wefuse thy nyame! +Ow, if thou wiwt n-nyot, be but swown my wove, +And I'ww >_< nyo wongew be a Capuwet. +x3 Wom. [aside] *teleports behind you* Shaww I heaw m-mowe, ow shaww I speak at this? +Juw. 'Tis but thy nyame that *leans over* is my enyemy. +*shuffles closer* Thou *moans* awt thysewf, t-though nyot a-a Montague. +What's Montague? *hugs tightly* it is OwO nyow hand, nyow foot, +Nyow awm, nyow face, nyow *leans over* any >_> othew pawt +Bewonging to a man. O, be s-some o-othew n-nyame! +What's in a nyame? That which we caww a *shuffles closer* wose +By any othew nyame wouwd *teleports behind you* smeww as sweet. +So Womeo wouwd, wewe he nyot Womeo caww'd, +W-Wetain that deaw pewfection w-which h-he owes +^-^ Without t-that titwe. Womeo, doff thy nyame; +And fow that nyame, which i-is nyo pawt of thee, +T-Take aww mysewf. +Wom. I t-take thee at thy :33 wowd. +C-Caww m-me but wove, and *giggles shyly* I'ww be n-nyew :3 baptiz'd; +Hencefowth I nyevew wiww be *notices bulge* Womeo. +Juw. *sweats* What man awt thou t-that, thus b-bescween'd in nyight, +So s-stumbwest on my counsew? +Wom. By a nyame +I knyow n-nyot how *notices bulge* to teww t-thee x3 who I am. +My nyame, deaw saint, is hatefuw to *screams* mysewf, +Because it is an enyemy to thee. +Had I it *teleports behind you* wwitten, I-I wouwd teaw t-the wowd. +Juw. My eaws have y-yet nyot dwunk a hundwed *sighs* wowds +Of that tongue's uttewance, yet I-I knyow the sound. +Awt thou nyot Womeo, and a ^w^ Montague? +Wom. Nyeithew, faiw saint, *pokes you* if eithew thee >_> diswike. +;;w;; Juw. *giggles shyly* How cam'st thou hithew, teww me, *teleports behind you* and whewefowe? +The owchawd w-wawws awe x3 high and h-hawd *cuddles you* to cwimb, +And the p-pwace death, considewing who thou awt, +If any of my k-kinsmen find t-thee hewe. +Wom. With wove's wight wings did I o'ewpewch these wawws; +*twerks* Fow stony wimits >_< cannyot howd wove out, +And what wove can do, ^-^ that dawes wove attempt. +Thewefowe thy kinsmen awe nyo w-wet to me. +Juw. If t-they do see t-thee, they wiww muwthew thee. +Wom. Awack, *teleports behind you* thewe ^w^ wies mowe pewiw in thinye eye +T-Than twenty of t-theiw swowds! Wook thou but sweet, +And I-I am p-pwoof a-against t-theiw enmity. +Juw. I wouwd nyot fow the wowwd *sweats* they saw thee hewe. +Wom. I have n-nyight's cwoak *shuffles closer* to hide me fwom theiw sight; +And but thou wove me, wet them find me hewe. +My wife *twerks* wewe bettew ^w^ ended *hugs tightly* by theiw *looks at you* hate +Than death p-pwowogued, wanting :3 of thy wove. +Juw. By whose diwection found'st thou out this pwace? +Wom. By wove, UwU that fiwst d-did pwompt me to enquiwe. +*shuffles closer* He *moans* went me counsew, *sweats* and *leans over* I went him eyes. +I am nyo piwot; yet, ^w^ wewt thou as faw +As ^-^ that vast showe >_< wash'd with the fawthest s-sea, +I-I wouwd adventuwe fow >_< such mewchandise. +Juw. Thou knyowest the mask of n-nyight is on my face; +Ewse w-wouwd a maiden bwush bepaint *sweats* my c-cheek +Fow that which thou *sighs* hast heawd *sighs* me speak t-to-nyight. +Fain wouwd I dweww on fowm- fain, fain deny +What I have spoke; but ^.^ faweweww compwiment! +Dost thou wove me, *blushes* I knyow thou wiwt say 'Ay'; +And I-I wiww take thy wowd. Yet, if *cuddles you* thou sweaw'st, +*moans* Thou ;;w;; mayst pwove fawse. At wovews' pewjuwies, +They say J-Jove w-waughs. O g-gentwe Womeo, +If *notices bulge* thou d-dost *blushes* wove, pwonyounce it faithfuwwy. +Ow if thou thinkest I am too q-quickwy won, +*screams* I'ww fwown, and *looks at you* be pewvewse, and say thee ;;w;; nyay, +So thou OwO wiwt w-woo; >_< but ewse, nyot fow ^-^ the *leans over* wowwd. +In twuth, faiw Montague, I am too >_> fond, +And thewefowe thou mayst think my haviouw wight; +But twust me, *moans* gentweman, >_> I'ww ^.^ pwove mowe twue +Than those that have mowe cunnying to be stwange. +I-I s-shouwd have been mowe stwange, I must confess, +But that thou ovewheawd'st, ewe I-I was wawe, +My *moans* twue-wove *twerks* passion. Thewefowe pawdon me, +And nyot impute t-this yiewding x3 to OwO wight wove, +W-Which the dawk nyight hath so discovewed. +Wom. Wady, by y-yondew bwessed moon I s-sweaw, +That *sighs* tips with s-siwvew aww *sweats* these fwuit-twee >_< tops- +Juw. O, sweaw nyot by the moon, t-th' inconstant moon, +That monthwy changes in hew ciwcwed o-owb, +West t-that thy wove pwove wikewise vawiabwe. +Wom. W-What shaww I-I sweaw by? +Juw. Do nyot sweaw a-at aww; +Ow if thou wiwt, sweaw by thy gwacious sewf, +*leans over* Which is ;;w;; the *screams* god of my idowatwy, +And I'ww bewieve thee. +Wom. If ^.^ my *cuddles you* heawt's *moans* deaw wove- +Juw. Weww, do nyot *hugs tightly* sweaw. Awthough I-I joy in thee, +I have nyo joy of t-this contwact to-nyight. +It is *twerks* too wash, too u-unyadvis'd, too sudden; +Too wike *looks at you* the *pokes you* wightnying, which *teleports behind you* doth c-cease to be +*cuddles you* Ewe *pokes you* onye can say 'It wightens.' Sweet, g-good n-nyight! +This bud of w-wove, by *giggles shyly* summew's wipenying *pokes you* bweath, +May pwove a beauteous fwow'w when nyext UwU we meet. +Good nyight, good nyight! *screams* As sweet wepose a-and west +Come to thy heawt as that within my bweast! +Wom. O, w-wiwt t-thou weave me >_> so u-unsatisfied? +Juw. What satisfaction c-canst t-thou have to-nyight? +Wom. Th' exchange of thy wove's faithfuw vow fow minye. +Juw. I *hugs tightly* gave thee m-minye befowe thou *shuffles closer* didst wequest it; +And yet I-I wouwd it wewe to give again. +Wom. Wouwd'st thou withdwaw *hugs tightly* it? F-Fow what puwpose, wove? +Juw. But to be fwank and give i-it t-thee *notices bulge* again. +And yet I wish but fow *sighs* the *twerks* thing I h-have. +uWu My bounty is as boundwess as the sea, +My wove as d-deep; the *cries* mowe I give to thee, +The mowe I have, fow b-both awe infinyite. +I heaw some :3 nyoise *giggles shyly* within. x3 Deaw wove, adieu! +[Nyuwse] *blushes* cawws within. +Anyon, good nyuwse! Sweet UwU Montague, be >w< twue. +Stay UwU but a wittwe, *cries* I w-wiww come again. [Exit.] +uWu Wom. O bwessed, b-bwessed nyight! I am >_< afeawd, +Being in nyight, aww ^w^ this :3 is but :33 a dweam, +Too *hugs tightly* fwattewing-sweet to b-be substantiaw. + +Entew Juwiet *pokes you* above. + +Juw. Thwee wowds, deaw Womeo, and good >_< nyight indeed. +*looks away* If that thy b-bent ^-^ of wove be *giggles shyly* honyouwabwe, +Thy puwpose mawwiage, send m-me wowd to-mowwow, +By onye that I'ww pwocuwe to come to thee, +Whewe and w-what time *moans* thou w-wiwt pewfowm the w-wite; +And aww my fowtunyes at thy *screams* foot I'ww way +*looks at you* And fowwow thee my wowd :3 thwoughout the w-wowwd. +Nyuwse. (within) Madam! +Juw. *giggles shyly* I come, anyon.- B-But if thou m-meanyest *notices bulge* nyot weww, +I do >w< beseech thee- +*blushes* Nyuwse. (within) Madam! +*cuddles you* Juw. By-and-by I come.- +*twerks* To *giggles shyly* cease thy suit a-and weave *looks away* me *twerks* to my g-gwief. +To-mowwow wiww ^-^ I send. +Wom. So thwive my souw- +Juw. A thousand times good n-nyight! Exit. +Wom. A thousand t-times the w-wowse, to want thy wight! +Wove goes towawd wove as schoowboys fwom theiw *twerks* books; +But wove fwom wove, *pokes you* towawds s-schoow with heavy wooks. + +Entew Juwiet a-again, [above]. + +Juw. Hist! Womeo, hist! O-O fow a fawconyew's voice +To wuwe t-this t-tassew-gentwe back a-again! +Bondage is hoawse and may nyot speak awoud; +Ewse wouwd I teaw the OwO cave whewe Echo wies, +>_> And make hew aiwy tongue mowe hoawse than m-minye +With wepetition of my Womeo's nyame. +Womeo! +Wom. It is my *sighs* souw >_< that cawws upon my nyame. +How s-siwvew-sweet s-sound w-wovews' tongues by nyight, +Wike softest *blushes* music to attending eaws! +Juw. Womeo! +Wom. M-My deaw? +Juw. *pokes you* At what o'cwock to-mowwow +Shaww I send to thee? +W-Wom. By >_< the :3 houw o-of nyinye. +^-^ Juw. I w-wiww nyot faiw. 'Tis twenty yeaws tiww t-then. +I have *teleports behind you* fowgot *twerks* why I did ^w^ caww thee back. +Wom. Wet me s-stand hewe tiww t-thou wemembew ;;w;; it. +J-Juw. I shaww fowget, >w< to have *screams* thee stiww stand thewe, +Wememb'wing how I wove thy company. +Wom. A-And I'ww stiww stay, to have thee stiww fowget, +Fowgetting any othew home but this. +Juw. 'Tis awmost *sweats* mownying. I wouwd *cries* have thee gonye- +And yet nyo fawthew t-than a wanton's :33 biwd, +That *notices bulge* wets it hop a wittwe f-fwom h-hew hand, +Wike a poow pwisonyew in his twisted gyves, +*pokes you* And with a-a *giggles shyly* siwk thwead pwucks it back again, +So woving-jeawous :3 of his wibewty. +Wom. I wouwd I wewe x3 thy biwd. +J-Juw. *screams* Sweet, s-so wouwd I. +Yet I shouwd kiww thee with m-much chewishing. +*cries* Good n-nyight, >_> good nyight! Pawting *giggles shyly* is *twerks* such s-sweet s-sowwow, +That *blushes* I shaww *twerks* say *screams* good nyight tiww it *giggles shyly* be mowwow. +[Exit.] +Wom. Sweep UwU dweww *shuffles closer* upon thinye *sweats* eyes, peace *shuffles closer* in thy bweast! +Wouwd I w-wewe sweep and peace, so s-sweet to *screams* west! +Hence wiww :33 I t-to my ghostwy f-fathew's ceww, +His hewp *hugs tightly* to cwave a-and my x3 deaw hap to teww. +Exit + + + + +Scenye III. +Fwiaw W-Wauwence's ceww. + +Entew Fwiaw, [Wauwence] *hugs tightly* awonye, with *hugs tightly* a basket. + +>w< Fwiaw. The gwey-ey'd mown smiwes o-on the f-fwownying nyight, +Check'wing the E-Eastewn cwouds *cuddles you* with stweaks of wight; +And f-fwecked dawknyess w-wike a dwunkawd weews +Fwom fowth *blushes* day's :33 path a-and Titan's fiewy >w< wheews. +Nyon, ewe the OwO sun advance his buwnying eye +The *screams* day to >_< cheew and nyight's d-dank dew *giggles shyly* to dwy, +I m-must u-up-fiww this osiew cage of *notices bulge* ouws +With bawefuw weeds and pwecious-juiced fwowews. +The eawth :33 that's *sighs* nyatuwe's m-mothew is *twerks* hew tomb. +What is hew buwying *screams* gave, that is *sweats* hew >_< womb; +And fwom hew womb chiwdwen of divews kind +We sucking *giggles shyly* on *shuffles closer* hew nyatuwaw *screams* bosom find; +Many fow many viwtues excewwent, +Nyonye but fow ^-^ some, and yet aww diffewent. +*looks away* O, mickwe is the powewfuw g-gwace that wies +In pwants, ^.^ hewbs, stonyes, *screams* and theiw twue quawities; +Fow nyaught so viwe *leans over* that on the >_< eawth doth w-wive +But to UwU the e-eawth some ;;w;; speciaw good doth ^.^ give; +Nyow aught so good but, *moans* stwain'd fwom that faiw use, +^w^ Wevowts fwom twue b-biwth, stumbwing on abuse. +*hugs tightly* Viwtue itsewf tuwns vice, being misappwied, +*screams* And vice sometime's by action dignyified. +Within the infant wind of this smaww fwowew +*twerks* Poison ^.^ hath w-wesidence, and medicinye powew; +F-Fow this, being smewt, with that p-pawt cheews each pawt; +Being tasted, sways aww senses with the heawt. +Two s-such *twerks* opposed kings encamp them stiww +In man as weww as hewbs- gwace *looks away* and wude ;;w;; wiww; +And whewe the wowsew is pwedominyant, +F-Fuww soon the cankew d-death eats u-up that pwant. + +Entew Womeo. + +*teleports behind you* Wom. Good mowwow, *twerks* fathew. +Fwiaw. Benyedicite! +What eawwy tongue so sweet :33 sawuteth me? +Young son, it awgues a distempewed head +So soon to bid >_< good mowwow to thy bed. +Cawe keeps his watch in evewy owd man's e-eye, +And whewe cawe wodges s-sweep wiww nyevew wie; +But whewe unbwuised youth with unstuff'd bwain +Doth couch his wimbs, thewe gowden sweep doth weign. +Thewefowe thy eawwinyess *sighs* doth me assuwe +Thou awt upwous'd with some d-distemp'watuwe; +Ow if n-nyot so, then hewe I hit it wight- +Ouw *looks away* Womeo hath nyot been in bed to-nyight. +Wom. That wast i-is ^.^ twue-the sweetew west was minye. +Fwiaw. God pawdon sin! Wast thou with Wosawinye? +Wom. With Wosawinye, *twerks* my ghostwy fathew? Nyo. +I *screams* have fowgot that nyame, and that nyame's w-woe. +F-Fwiaw. *cries* That's my good s-son! But whewe hast thou been then? +>w< Wom. I'ww teww t-thee ewe *teleports behind you* thou ask it me again. +I-I have been feasting w-with minye e-enyemy, +W-Whewe on *sighs* a s-sudden onye hath wounded me +That's by me wounded. :33 Both ouw wemedies +Within *notices bulge* thy :33 hewp *twerks* and howy physic wies. +*twerks* I beaw *looks at you* nyo h-hatwed, bwessed man, fow, wo, +M-My intewcession wikewise steads my foe. +F-Fwiaw. Be p-pwain, good son, and homewy in ^w^ thy d-dwift +Widdwing confession finds but widdwing shwift. +Wom. :3 Then pwainwy *twerks* knyow my heawt's d-deaw wove is set +On the *sighs* faiw daughtew of wich Capuwet; +A-As minye UwU on h-hews, so hews is set on uWu minye, +And aww combin'd, save what t-thou must combinye +By howy mawwiage. *sweats* When, and whewe, *moans* and how +We met, we woo'd, and made exchange *looks away* of vow, +I'ww teww thee *cries* as we pass; but this I pway, +That thou consent to mawwy us to-day. +Fwiaw. Howy S-Saint Fwancis! W-What *cries* a change is hewe! +Is Wosawinye, that thou didst w-wove so *shuffles closer* deaw, +So *hugs tightly* soon fowsaken? Y-Young men's wove then *blushes* wies +N-Nyot twuwy i-in theiw ^-^ heawts, but in *giggles shyly* theiw eyes. +Jesu Mawia! What a deaw of *moans* bwinye +Hath wash'd thy sawwow cheeks fow Wosawinye! +*leans over* How much *twerks* sawt watew thwown away in *sighs* waste, +T-To season wove, that of it doth nyot taste! +*sweats* The *blushes* sun nyot yet x3 thy sighs *sweats* fwom heaven cweaws, +Thy owd gwoans *sweats* wing yet in minye ancient eaws. +;;w;; Wo, h-hewe upon thy cheek *pokes you* the stain doth sit +O-Of an owd teaw that is nyot wash'd *looks away* off *teleports behind you* yet. +If e'ew *teleports behind you* thou wast ^w^ thysewf, and these woes t-thinye, +OwO Thou and t-these woes wewe aww fow Wosawinye. +And awt t-thou chang'd? Pwonyounce this sentence t-then: +*hugs tightly* Women >w< may faww when t-thewe's n-nyo stwength in men. +Wom. Thou chid'st me oft fow woving Wosawinye. +*giggles shyly* Fwiaw. Fow doting, nyot fow woving, pupiw minye. +Wom. ^.^ And bad'st me buwy wove. +^w^ Fwiaw. Nyot in a gwave +To way onye *blushes* in, anyothew out to have. +W-Wom. I-I >_< pway thee c-chide nyot. She whom I wove nyow +D-Doth g-gwace fow gwace and wove fow w-wove awwow. +The *giggles shyly* othew did nyot so. +Fwiaw. *giggles shyly* O, s-she UwU knyew w-weww +Thy wove did wead by wote, that couwd ;;w;; nyot speww. +But come, young wavewew, come *hugs tightly* go with me. +*sighs* In onye wespect I'ww t-thy assistant *looks away* be; +Fow this awwiance may so happy pwove +To tuwn *looks away* youw househowds' wancouw to puwe wove. +W-Wom. O-O, wet us ^.^ hence! I stand on s-sudden haste. +Fwiaw. Wisewy, and swow. They *shuffles closer* stumbwe *looks away* that wun fast. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye *blushes* IV. +A-A stweet. + +Entew Benvowio and Mewcutio. + +Mew. W-Whewe the deviw shouwd this W-Womeo b-be? +Came he nyot *looks away* home t-to-nyight? +Ben. Nyot to his fathew's. I-I spoke with his m-man. +Mew. Why, that same pawe hawd-heawted ^-^ wench, that ^.^ Wosawinye, +Towments him so that he wiww suwe wun mad. +Ben. Tybawt, the kinsman to owd C-Capuwet, +*cuddles you* Hath sent a wettew to his fathew's house. +Mew. A chawwenge, on my >_< wife. +Ben. *screams* Womeo wiww answew it. +Mew. Any man that x3 can x3 wwite may a-answew uWu a wettew. +Ben. Nyay, he wiww answew the wettew's mastew, how he dawes, being +dawed. +Mew. Awas, poow Womeo, he is awweady dead! stabb'd with a white +w-wench's bwack eye; shot thwough the eaw with a-a wove *shuffles closer* song; the +vewy pin of his *cuddles you* heawt cweft with the bwind bow-boy's butt-shaft; +and i-is he a man to encountew ^w^ Tybawt? +Ben. Why, what is Tybawt? +Mew. Mowe *cuddles you* than Pwince of Cats, I can teww you. O, *giggles shyly* he's the +couwageous captain of compwiments. *cries* He ^.^ fights as you s-sing +p-pwicksong-keeps time, distance, *notices bulge* and pwopowtion; wests *cuddles you* me his +minyim west, onye, two, :3 and the t-thiwd in *screams* youw bosom! UwU the vewy +butchew of a *notices bulge* siwk button, a duewwist, a d-duewwist! a *looks away* gentweman o-of +the *sweats* vewy fiwst house, of the fiwst and s-second cause. Ah, the +immowtaw passado! the punto wevewse! the h-hay. +Ben. The what? +Mew. The pox *leans over* of such antic, *pokes you* wisping, affecting fantasticoes- t-these +nyew tunyews o-of accent! 'By Jesu, a-a *cries* vewy good bwade! a vewy taww +man! a *leans over* vewy g-good whowe!' Why, is nyot this a wamentabwe thing, +gwandsiw, that we shouwd be thus affwicted with these s-stwange +fwies, these fashion-mongews, these pawdonya-mi's, who stand so +much xDD on the nyew fowm that *looks away* they uWu cannyot sit a-at ^w^ ease on t-the owd +bench? O, theiw b-bonyes, theiw b-bonyes! + +E-Entew Womeo. + +*looks at you* Ben. Hewe comes W-Womeo! hewe comes Womeo! +Mew. Without his *giggles shyly* woe, wike a *cuddles you* dwied :3 hewwing. O *screams* fwesh, f-fwesh, how awt +thou >_> fishified! Nyow is h-he fow the n-nyumbews that Petwawch fwowed +in. Wauwa, t-to his wady, *sighs* was but a-a kitchen *shuffles closer* wench (mawwy, she had a +*looks away* bettew wove to xDD bewhyme hew), Dido a dowdy, *shuffles closer* Cweopatwa >_< a gypsy, +Hewen and uWu Hewo hiwdings and hawwots, This b-be a gway eye ow so, +but nyot to the puwpose. Signyiow Womeo, bon j-jouw! Thewe's a Fwench +sawutation *hugs tightly* to youw Fwench swop. You gave us t-the countewfeit +faiwwy wast nyight. +Wom. Good mowwow to you both. What countewfeit did I give you? +^-^ Mew. The ;;w;; swip, s-siw, the swip. Can you nyot conceive? +Wom. Pawdon, good Mewcutio. My b-businyess was gweat, and in such a +case ^-^ as minye *screams* a >_< man may *cries* stwain couwtesy. +Mew. That's as m-much as to say, *notices bulge* such a *cuddles you* case as youws constwains a +m-man to bow in the x3 hams. +Wom. Meanying, to cuwsy. +Mew. Thou hast most kindwy hit it. +Wom. ^-^ A most *sighs* couwteous exposition. +M-Mew. Nyay, I am the vewy pink >_> of couwtesy. +Wom. *shuffles closer* Pink fow fwowew. +Mew. Wight. +Wom. Why, then is my pump weww-fwowew'd. +Mew. Weww said! Fowwow me t-this jest nyow tiww thou hast wown out thy +pump, t-that, when the singwe sowe of it is w-wown, the UwU jest may +wemain, aftew the weawing, sowewy *looks away* singuwaw. +Wom. O singwe-sowd jest, sowewy s-singuwaw fow the singwenyess! +>_< Mew. C-Come between >_< us, good Benvowio! M-My wits faint. +Wom. Swits and spuws, swits >_> and spuws! ow I'ww cwy a match. +Mew. Nyay, if ouw wits *looks at you* wun the wiwd-goose uWu chase, I am donye; fow thou +hast mowe of the wiwd goose in onye o-of thy wits than, I am suwe, I +*looks at you* have in my whowe five. Was I with *giggles shyly* you thewe fow the goose? +Wom. Thou wast nyevew with me fow anything when thou wast n-nyot thewe +fow the goose. +M-Mew. I wiww bite thee by t-the eaw fow that *sweats* jest. +*sighs* Wom. Nyay, good goose, bite nyot! +M-Mew. Thy wit is a vewy bittew sweeting; it is a most shawp sauce. +Wom. And is it n-nyot, then, weww sewv'd in *teleports behind you* to >w< a sweet goose? +Mew. O, hewe's a *giggles shyly* wit of chevewiw, that stwetches fwom a-an inch +nyawwow to an eww bwoad! +Wom. *giggles shyly* I stwetch it out *teleports behind you* fow that wowd 'bwoad,' which, added to the +goose, pwoves *cuddles you* thee faw and wide a bwoad goose. +Mew. Why, is nyot this bettew nyow than gwoanying fow w-wove? Nyow awt +thou s-sociabwe, nyow awt thou Womeo; nyow awt thou what thou awt, by +awt as weww as by nyatuwe. Fow this dwivewwing wove is wike a +gweat nyatuwaw that wuns wowwing ^w^ up and down to hide his *looks at you* baubwe in +a howe. +*giggles shyly* Ben. Stop t-thewe, stop thewe! +Mew. Thou desiwest m-me to s-stop in my tawe against the haiw. +Ben. T-Thou w-wouwdst ewse have made thy tawe wawge. +Mew. O, thou awt deceiv'd! I :33 wouwd have made it showt; fow I ^.^ was +*blushes* come to t-the whowe *hugs tightly* depth of my tawe, and meant indeed to occupy +the awgument nyo *cuddles you* wongew. +*looks at you* Wom. *shuffles closer* Hewe's ^.^ goodwy g-geaw! + +Entew *teleports behind you* Nyuwse and >_> hew Man [Petew]. + +*screams* Mew. A saiw, a-a s-saiw! +Ben. Two, two! a s-shiwt and x3 a s-smock. +Nyuwse. P-Petew! +Petew. Anyon. +N-Nyuwse. My fan, P-Petew. +Mew. Good Petew, to hide hew face; fow hew *looks at you* fan's the faiwew face of +*twerks* the two. +Nyuwse. God ye g-good mowwow, g-gentwemen. +Mew. God ye *cries* good-den, faiw ^w^ gentwewoman. +Nyuwse. *blushes* Is it good-den? +Mew. 'Tis nyo wess, I teww y-ye; f-fow the bawdy hand of t-the d-diaw is nyow +upon the pwick o-of n-nyoon. +*sweats* Nyuwse. *teleports behind you* Out upon y-you! W-What a *cries* man awe you! +Wom. Onye, *leans over* gentwewoman, that *moans* God h-hath made fow *pokes you* himsewf to maw. +Nyuwse. By ^-^ my twoth, i-it is weww said. 'Fow *screams* himsewf to maw,' quoth +'a? Gentwemen, can any o-of y-you teww me whewe I may find the young +Womeo? +Wom. I can teww you; b-but young Womeo *teleports behind you* wiww be owdew when :33 you have +found *shuffles closer* him than he was when you sought *sweats* him. *sighs* I am the y-youngest of +that nyame, fow f-fauwt of a-a wowse. +Nyuwse. You say weww. +Mew. Yea, *teleports behind you* is the wowst weww? Vewy weww took, i' f-faith! wisewy, +wisewy. +Nyuwse. I-If you be he, siw, I d-desiwe some c-confidence w-with y-you. +Ben. S-She wiww endite him to some >_> suppew. +Mew. A *cries* bawd, *cries* a bawd, a bawd! So ho! +Wom. What hast thou found? +Mew. Nyo :3 hawe, siw; u-unwess a-a *cuddles you* hawe, siw, x3 in a wenten ;;w;; pie, that is +something stawe ;;w;; and hoaw OwO ewe *leans over* it be s-spent +He wawks :33 by x3 them uWu and sings. + +An owd hawe hoaw, +*cuddles you* And an owd hawe hoaw, +^.^ Is vewy good meat *teleports behind you* in *looks away* Went; +But *moans* a h-hawe that is hoaw +Is too much *blushes* fow a scowe +xDD When i-it hoaws ewe it *giggles shyly* be spent. + +Womeo, ^.^ wiww you come to youw ^.^ fathew's? We'ww ^-^ to dinnyew thithew. +W-Wom. I wiww fowwow you. +Mew. ;;w;; Faweweww, ancient wady. Faweweww, +[sings] wady, wady, >_< wady. +Exeunt *sighs* Mewcutio, Benvowio. +Nyuwse. Mawwy, f-faweweww! I Pway you, Siw, what saucy mewchant *moans* was +this that was s-so fuww of his xDD wopewy? +Wom. A gentweman, nyuwse, that woves to heaw himsewf tawk and wiww +speak mowe in a minyute t-than he wiww stand to in a month. +Nyuwse. An 'a speak anything against *screams* me, I'ww take him down, an 'a +w-wewe wustiew than he i-is, and twenty such jacks; >_> and if I cannyot, +I'ww find ;;w;; those t-that shaww. Scuwvy *sighs* knyave! *sighs* I am nyonye o-of his +fwiwt-giwws; I am >_> nyonye of his :33 skains-mates. And thou must stand +b-by too, and suffew evewy knyave to use me at *looks at you* his >_< pweasuwe! +Petew. I :3 saw nyo man use you at h-his p-pweasuwe. If I-I had, my weapon +shouwd *hugs tightly* quickwy have been out, *teleports behind you* I wawwant you. I dawe dwaw *looks away* as s-soon +as anyothew man, i-if I *shuffles closer* see uWu occasion in *screams* a good quawwew, and t-the >_> waw +*sighs* on my side. +;;w;; Nyuwse. Nyow, afowe *moans* God, I a-am so vexed that evewy pawt about me +quivews. Scuwvy knyave! Pway *leans over* you, siw, a-a wowd; and, as *hugs tightly* I towd you, +m-my young *leans over* wady bid me enquiwe :3 you out. What x3 she ^-^ bid me say, I wiww +k-keep to mysewf; but fiwst wet me UwU teww ye, if ye shouwd wead h-hew +into *leans over* a foow's pawadise, as they say, it wewe a vewy gwoss k-kind of +behaviouw, as ^.^ they say; fow the x3 gentwewoman is young; and +thewefowe, *looks at you* if *pokes you* you ^.^ shouwd deaw doubwe *sweats* with hew, twuwy it wewe an +iww thing UwU to *notices bulge* be o-off'wed to a-any gentwewoman, and vewy weak deawing. +*cuddles you* Wom. *sighs* Nyuwse, commend *looks away* me t-to thy wady and mistwess. uWu I pwotest unto +t-thee- +Nyuwse. Good heawt, and I faith I w-wiww teww hew as much. Wowd, +Wowd! s-she wiww be a joyfuw woman. +Wom. What wiwt t-thou teww x3 hew, nyuwse? Thou dost nyot mawk me. +Nyuwse. I wiww OwO teww h-hew, siw, that you do pwotest, *looks away* which, as *giggles shyly* I take +it, is a-a gentwemanwike offew. +Wom. Bid xDD hew devise +Some *looks at you* means to come *sighs* to shwift this aftewnyoon; +And thewe she shaww at Fwiaw xDD Wauwence' ceww +^w^ Be shwiv'd and mawwied. H-Hewe is fow thy pains. +Nyuwse. ^-^ Nyo, twuwy, siw; nyot uWu a penny. +Wom. Go to! I-I say you shaww. +Nyuwse. This aftewnyoon, siw? Weww, she shaww be thewe. +Wom. And stay, good nyuwse, behind the abbey waww. +Within this houw my man shaww be with thee +And bwing thee cowds made wike a tackwed s-staiw, +*sweats* Which t-to t-the high *sweats* topgawwant of my joy +Must be my convoy in the secwet ;;w;; nyight. +Faweweww. *moans* Be *cries* twusty, and I'ww quit thy >_> pains. +Faweweww. Commend me UwU to OwO thy mistwess. +>w< Nyuwse. Nyow God i-in h-heaven bwess thee! ^.^ Hawk *notices bulge* you, siw. +W-Wom. What say'st thou, my deaw nyuwse? +Nyuwse. Is *twerks* youw man secwet? Did you nye'ew heaw x3 say, +Two may keep counsew, putting onye away? +W-Wom. I-I wawwant thee my man's *moans* as twue as steew. +Nyuwse. Weww, *shuffles closer* siw, my mistwess is the sweetest wady. Wowd, Wowd! +when 'twas a wittwe pwating thing- O, thewe *teleports behind you* is a nyobweman in +*giggles shyly* town, onye Pawis, that wouwd f-fain way knyife aboawd; but she, good +s-souw, had as UwU wieve see a toad, a *twerks* vewy toad, xDD as see him. ;;w;; I angew +hew sometimes, a-and OwO teww hew that Pawis i-is *shuffles closer* the pwopewew man; but +I'ww wawwant you, when I say so, she wooks as pawe as any cwout +*hugs tightly* in the vewsaw wowwd. Doth nyot *moans* wosemawy and Womeo begin b-both with +a wettew? +Wom. Ay, nyuwse; what of that? Both with an W-W. +Nyuwse. Ah, mockew! that's the dog's *giggles shyly* nyame. W is fow the- Nyo; I knyow +*notices bulge* it begins with some othew wettew; and she h-hath the pwettiest +sententious o-of it, o-of you a-and wosemawy, that it wouwd d-do you good +to *cries* heaw *shuffles closer* it. +Wom. C-Commend me to thy wady. +Nyuwse. Ay, *moans* a thousand times. [Exit Womeo.] Petew! +Petew. Anyon. +>_< Nyuwse. P-Petew, take my f-fan, and go befowe, >w< and apace. +E-Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye V. +Capuwet's owchawd. + +Entew Juwiet. + +Juw. The cwock stwuck n-nyinye *teleports behind you* when I *sighs* did send the *notices bulge* nyuwse; +In hawf an houw she 'pwomis'd to wetuwn. +Pewchance she >_> cannyot meet him. *pokes you* That's nyot *pokes you* so. +O, she is wame! Wove's hewawds shouwd b-be thoughts, +Which ten t-times fastew g-gwide than the sun's :33 beams +>_< Dwiving back s-shadows ovew wow'wing hiwws. +Thewefowe d-do :33 nyimbwe-pinyion'd doves dwaw Wove, +And thewefowe hath the wind-swift Cupid wings. +Nyow is the sun upon t-the highmost h-hiww +Of this day's jouwnyey, and fwom nyinye tiww twewve +Is t-thwee wong houws; yet x3 she *giggles shyly* is nyot *twerks* come. +Had she affections and wawm youthfuw bwood, +>w< She wouwd be as *cuddles you* swift in motion as a baww; +;;w;; My wowds w-wouwd bandy hew to my sweet wove, +And his to *cuddles you* me, +But o-owd fowks, :33 many feign as they wewe dead- +U-Unwiewdy, swow, heavy and pawe as *screams* wead. + +Entew Nyuwse [and Petew]. + +O God, ;;w;; she c-comes! O honyey nyuwse, what uWu nyews? +>_< Hast thou met with him? Send thy man a-away. +Nyuwse. Petew, stay a-at the gate. +[Exit P-Petew.] +*hugs tightly* Juw. Nyow, good s-sweet nyuwse- O Wowd, why wook'st thou sad? +Though nyews be sad, y-yet teww them mewwiwy; +I-If good, t-thou x3 shamest OwO the music of sweet nyews +By pwaying it to me with s-so souw a face. +N-Nyuwse. I am aweawy, give me weave awhiwe. +F-Fie, h-how my bonyes a-ache! What a *cries* jaunce have xDD I had! +Juw. I w-wouwd *notices bulge* thou hadst my bonyes, a-and I thy >w< nyews. +Nyay, come, I pway thee speak. Good, g-good nyuwse, s-speak. +Nyuwse. Jesu, what haste! Can you nyot *twerks* stay awhiwe? +D-Do you nyot see that I *screams* am out of bweath? +Juw. How uWu awt thou out of bweath when thou hast *leans over* bweath +To say to me *notices bulge* that thou a-awt *cries* out of bweath? +The excuse that thou dost *moans* make in this deway +Is wongew than the tawe thou *giggles shyly* dost *sweats* excuse. +*teleports behind you* Is thy nyews good ow bad? Answew *giggles shyly* to t-that. +*looks away* Say eithew, and I'ww stay uWu the *screams* ciwcumstance. +W-Wet m-me b-be satisfied, i-is't good ^-^ ow bad? +*cuddles you* Nyuwse. Weww, you have made *pokes you* a *blushes* simpwe choice; you knyow nyot how to +*teleports behind you* choose a man. Womeo? *shuffles closer* Nyo, n-nyot *shuffles closer* he. *twerks* Though his f-face be b-bettew than +any man's, yet *sweats* his weg excews *cuddles you* aww men's; and fow a hand and a +foot, and a body, though t-they b-be nyot to *sweats* be *twerks* tawk'd on, y-yet they +awe past compawe. He i-is nyot the fwowew of couwtesy, b-but, I'ww +wawwant him, as g-gentwe as a wamb. Go thy w-ways, wench; s-sewve G-God. +What, have you din'd at :33 home? +Juw. Nyo, nyo. But aww this did I knyow *twerks* befowe. +What says h-he of ouw mawwiage? What of *shuffles closer* that? +Nyuwse. Wowd, how my head aches! W-What a head have I! +It ^-^ beats as it wouwd faww in twenty pieces. +My back o' t' othew side,- :33 ah, ;;w;; my back, my >w< back! +Beshwew youw h-heawt *shuffles closer* fow sending me *screams* about +To catch my *notices bulge* death with jauncing up and down! +Juw. I-I' *moans* faith, I am s-sowwy that thou awt n-nyot weww. +Sweet, sweet, Sweet nyuwse, teww me, what says my >_< wove? +Nyuwse. *sighs* Youw wove says, wike :33 an honyest gentweman, and a c-couwteous, +and a-a kind, and a handsome; and, I wawwant, a v-viwtuous- Whewe is +y-youw *notices bulge* mothew? +Juw. Whewe is *cries* my mothew? Why, she is within. +Whewe shouwd she b-be? How oddwy uWu thou wepwiest! +'Youw wove says, wike an honyest x3 gentweman, +"Whewe i-is *cries* youw mothew?"' +Nyuwse. O God's Wady deaw! +Awe you so hot? *teleports behind you* Mawwy come up, I twow. +*screams* Is this the pouwtice fow my aching bonyes? +Hencefowwawd do youw messages youwsewf. +*blushes* Juw. Hewe's such *moans* a coiw! x3 Come, what *looks at you* says *pokes you* Womeo? +Nyuwse. Have you >_< got weave *hugs tightly* to go to shwift *screams* to-day? +Juw. I have. +Nyuwse. Then hie *pokes you* you hence to Fwiaw Wauwence' ceww; +uWu Thewe stays a *cries* husband to make ^.^ you a wife. +Nyow comes the wanton bwood *pokes you* up in youw cheeks: +They'ww be in scawwet s-stwaight at any nyews. +Hie you to chuwch; I must *teleports behind you* anyothew way, +To fetch >_> a waddew, b-by the *blushes* which youw wove +Must c-cwimb a-a biwd's nyest soon when it is dawk. +I am the dwudge, and toiw *twerks* in youw dewight; +But ;;w;; you shaww beaw t-the buwthen *pokes you* soon at nyight. +G-Go; I'ww to dinnyew; hie UwU you to the ceww. +J-Juw. Hie to high fowtunye! Honyest nyuwse, faweweww. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye *giggles shyly* VI. +^-^ Fwiaw *pokes you* Wauwence's ceww. + +Entew Fwiaw [Wauwence] a-and Womeo. + +Fwiaw. So smiwe the heavens *sweats* upon this howy act +*notices bulge* That aftew-houws with sowwow c-chide us nyot! +Wom. ^w^ Amen, amen! But come what sowwow can, +It cannyot *hugs tightly* countewvaiw the exchange of joy +That onye showt minyute g-gives me i-in hew sight. +Do thou b-but *teleports behind you* cwose ouw hands with howy wowds, +Then wove-devouwing death do what he dawe- +It is enyough I may but caww h-hew *looks at you* minye. +^.^ Fwiaw. T-These viowent dewights have viowent *cuddles you* ends +And in t-theiw t-twiumph die, wike fiwe a-and powdew, +Which, as they kiss, consume. The sweetest honyey +*screams* Is woathsome in his o-own *cuddles you* dewiciousnyess +And in t-the taste confounds ;;w;; the appetite. +^w^ Thewefowe wove modewatewy: wong wove d-doth s-so; +Too ;;w;; swift awwives as tawdy *moans* as too swow. + +Entew Juwiet. + +Hewe ^w^ comes the wady. *pokes you* O, *sighs* so wight a-a *hugs tightly* foot +Wiww n-nye'ew weaw out the evewwasting fwint. +A-A wovew may bestwide the gossamew +That idwes in ^-^ the wanton summew aiw, +And yet nyot faww; so wight i-is vanyity. +Juw. G-Good even ;;w;; to my ghostwy confessow. +Fwiaw. Womeo shaww t-thank thee, daughtew, fow us both. +Juw. As *sweats* much to >_> him, ewse is his thanks too much. +Wom. Ah, J-Juwiet, if *cries* the measuwe of *cuddles you* thy joy +Be heap'd wike >_> minye, and that thy skiww be m-mowe +To bwazon it, then sweeten with x3 thy bweath +T-This nyeighbouw aiw, and :33 wet wich music's tongue +Unfowd the imagin'd happinyess that both +Weceive in eithew by this deaw encountew. +Juw. *giggles shyly* Conceit, m-mowe wich in mattew than in *giggles shyly* wowds, +Bwags of xDD his s-substance, nyot of ownyament. +They a-awe b-but beggaws that can count theiw xDD wowth; +But my twue wove is gwown to such e-excess +cannyot sum up sum of hawf my weawth. +Fwiaw. C-Come, come with me, and we wiww make showt wowk; +Fow, by youw *looks at you* weaves, you shaww :3 nyot *leans over* stay awonye +Tiww Howy Chuwch incowpowate two in onye. +[-[Exeunt.] + + + + +<> + + + +ACT *cuddles you* III. Scenye I. +A pubwic pwace. + +Entew M-Mewcutio, *notices bulge* Benvowio, and Men. + +Ben. I-I p-pway t-thee, good *cuddles you* Mewcutio, wet's wetiwe. +The day is hot, *teleports behind you* the Capuwets ^w^ abwoad. +A-And if we meet, :3 we shaww nyot scape :3 a bwaww, +*pokes you* Fow nyow, these *twerks* hot days, *cuddles you* is the :3 mad b-bwood stiwwing. +Mew. Thou a-awt wike onye of these fewwows that, when he entews the +*shuffles closer* confinyes of a t-tavewn, cwaps me his swowd upon t-the >_< tabwe and says +'God s-send m-me nyo nyeed of thee!' and by OwO the opewation o-of the second +*looks away* cup dwaws him >w< on the :33 dwawew, when indeed thewe is nyo nyeed. +Ben. Am I wike such a fewwow? +Mew. Come, come, thou awt as hot a j-jack in t-thy mood as a-any in +Itawy; OwO and as s-soon moved to be moody, and OwO as soon moody to be +m-moved. +Ben. And what to? +M-Mew. *cries* Nyay, an t-thewe w-wewe two such, we shouwd have nyonye showtwy, f-fow +>_> onye wouwd kiww the othew. Thou! w-why, thou *teleports behind you* wiwt quawwew with a *moans* man +*leans over* that hath a haiw uWu mowe ow a haiw xDD wess x3 in his beawd than thou hast. +Thou wiwt quawwew with ^.^ a man fow cwacking nyuts, *looks away* having nyo othew +*screams* weason *screams* but because thou hast hazew eyes. What e-eye but such an eye +wouwd spy out such a quawwew? Thy head i-is a-as fuww of quawwews as +an egg is fuww of *moans* meat; and *pokes you* yet thy head *blushes* hath been beaten as +addwe UwU as an e-egg fow quawwewwing. Thou h-hast xDD quawweww'd with a m-man +fow coughing in the *sweats* stweet, b-because he :33 hath wakenyed thy dog that +hath wain asweep in t-the sun. Didst thou nyot faww o-out w-with a +taiwow fow ^.^ weawing his nyew doubwet befowe Eastew, with anyothew +f-fow *screams* tying his nyew s-shoes with an owd wiband? *twerks* And yet thou wiwt +tutow me *moans* fwom quawwewwing! +*twerks* Ben. An I wewe so apt to quawwew as t-thou awt, a-any man s-shouwd buy +the *shuffles closer* fee simpwe of my wife f-fow an houw and a-a quawtew. +Mew. The fee s-simpwe? O simpwe! + +Entew Tybawt and othews. + +Ben. By my head, hewe come *notices bulge* the Capuwets. +Mew. By my heew, I cawe nyot. +Tyb. Fowwow me cwose, fow I wiww speak to them. +Gentwemen, good den. A wowd w-with onye of you. +;;w;; Mew. And but onye w-wowd with onye >_> of us? +Coupwe it with something; UwU make OwO it a xDD wowd and a bwow. +Tyb. You shaww find me apt ^-^ enyough to that, siw, an you w-wiww give me +occasion. +M-Mew. :33 Couwd y-you nyot take some *screams* occasion without giving +Tyb. Mewcutio, thou consowtest with Womeo. +Mew. Consowt? What, >_< dost thou make us minstwews? An thou make +;;w;; minstwews of u-us, wook to uWu heaw nyothing but discowds. Hewe's my +fiddwestick; hewe's that shaww make you d-dance. Z-Zounds, consowt! +Ben. We *teleports behind you* tawk hewe i-in the ^w^ pubwic haunt o-of men. +Eithew withdwaw unto some pwivate p-pwace +And weason cowdwy of youw gwievances, +Ow ewse depawt. Hewe aww eyes gaze on us. +Mew. Men's eyes wewe *sweats* made to *notices bulge* wook, a-and w-wet them *blushes* gaze. +I wiww nyot budge ^.^ fow *cuddles you* nyo man's pweasuwe, + +Entew *sweats* Womeo. + +Tyb. :33 Weww, peace be with y-you, siw. Hewe comes my man. +Mew. But I'ww *blushes* be h-hang'd, s-siw, if he weaw youw wivewy. +Mawwy, go befowe to fiewd, *hugs tightly* he'ww b-be youw f-fowwowew! +Youw wowship in that *twerks* sense may caww h-him ;;w;; man. +Tyb. Womeo, t-the wove I *pokes you* beaw thee can affowd +N-Nyo bettew tewm than ^w^ this: thou awt a v-viwwain. +W-Wom. Tybawt, the weason that *pokes you* I have t-to w-wove thee +Doth much excuse *cuddles you* the appewtainying w-wage +To s-such a-a gweeting. Viwwain am I nyonye. +Thewefowe faweweww. I see thou knyowest me nyot. +Tyb. Boy, this shaww nyot excuse the *looks away* injuwies +That t-thou *hugs tightly* hast *hugs tightly* donye me; thewefowe tuwn and d-dwaw. +Wom. I do pwotest I nyevew injuw'd t-thee, +But wove t-thee *leans over* bettew than >_> thou canst devise +Tiww thou shawt knyow the >_< weason of my wove; +And so good Capuwet, which *cuddles you* nyame I tendew +As deawwy as *hugs tightly* minye own, b-be satisfied. +Mew. ^-^ O c-cawm, dishonyouwabwe, viwe submission! +Awwa stoccata cawwies it away. [Dwaws.] +Tybawt, you watcatchew, wiww you w-wawk? +Tyb. What wouwdst thou have with me? +Mew. Good King of Cats, n-nyothing ;;w;; but onye of youw n-nyinye wives. That I +>_> mean *teleports behind you* to make bowd withaw, >_< and, as you shaww use me heweaftew, +dwy-beat the west of the eight. Wiww you pwuck *looks away* youw swowd out of +his pitchew *cuddles you* by *pokes you* the eaws? Make *teleports behind you* haste, west >w< minye be about youw e-eaws +ewe it b-be o-out. +Tyb. I UwU am fow you. [Dwaws.] +Wom. Gentwe *leans over* Mewcutio, put t-thy wapiew up. +:33 Mew. Come, siw, youw passado! +[They UwU fight.] +Wom. Dwaw, B-Benvowio; beat down theiw weapons. +Gentwemen, fow shame! *leans over* fowbeaw this o-outwage! +Tybawt, Mewcutio, the Pwince expwesswy hath +*looks away* Fowbid this bandying ^.^ in *moans* Vewonya stweets. +Howd, T-Tybawt! Good Mewcutio! +Tybawt undew Womeo's a-awm thwusts Mewcutio in, and f-fwies +[with his >_< Fowwowews]. +*looks at you* Mew. I am huwt. +*hugs tightly* A p-pwague o' both youw houses! I am sped. +I-Is he :33 gonye and hath ^w^ nyothing? +Ben. What, awt thou huwt? +M-Mew. ;;w;; Ay, ay, a s-scwatch, a-a scwatch. Mawwy, '-'tis enyough. +Whewe i-is my page? Go, viwwain, fetch a suwgeon. +[Exit Page.] +uWu Wom. Couwage, man. The huwt c-cannyot b-be much. +*shuffles closer* Mew. ^.^ Nyo, 'tis nyot so deep as a weww, *cries* nyow s-so wide as a chuwch doow; +b-but 'tis enyough, 'twiww sewve. Ask fow UwU me to-mowwow, a-and y-you +shaww find me a gwave man. I am peppewed, I wawwant, fow this +wowwd. A-A pwague o' ^w^ both youw houses! Zounds, a dog, a wat, a +mouse, a cat, t-to scwatch *shuffles closer* a m-man t-to d-death! a-a bwaggawt, a-a wogue, a +viwwain, that fights b-by the book of awithmetic! Why the deviw +came you between *moans* us? I was huwt undew youw awm. +Wom. I-I thought aww fow the b-best. +Mew. Hewp me into some house, Benvowio, +Ow I s-shaww faint. A pwague o' both youw h-houses! +They *screams* have made ^.^ wowms' *looks away* meat of me. I have *notices bulge* it, +And soundwy too. Youw houses! +[Exit. [suppowted *teleports behind you* by Benvowio]. +^-^ Wom. This gentweman, the Pwince's nyeaw awwy, +*cuddles you* My xDD vewy f-fwiend, hath g-got this m-mowtaw h-huwt +In my behawf- *notices bulge* my w-weputation stain'd +With Tybawt's s-swandew- Tybawt, that an UwU houw +Hath been my k-kinsman. O sweet Juwiet, +Thy b-beauty *moans* hath made *looks away* me effeminyate +And in m-my t-tempew soft'nyed ^.^ vawouw's steew + +Entew B-Benvowio. + +Ben. *sweats* O Womeo, Womeo, ^.^ bwave Mewcutio's dead! +That gawwant OwO spiwit hath aspiw'd the cwouds, +Which too *giggles shyly* untimewy h-hewe did scown the eawth. +Wom. This day's bwack fate on moe days *giggles shyly* doth depend; +This b-but begins the woe othews m-must end. + +Entew Tybawt. + +B-Ben. Hewe comes the *moans* fuwious Tybawt back *sweats* again. +Wom. Awive in twiumph, and Mewcutio swain? +Away to heaven wespective wenyity, +And fiwe-ey'd fuwy b-be my conduct nyow! +*looks away* Nyow, Tybawt, t-take the 'viwwain' back again +That wate thou gavest me; fow Mewcutio's souw +Is but a wittwe w-way above ouw xDD heads, +Staying fow thinye to keep him company. +Eithew thou ow I-I, ow both, must go with him. +T-Tyb. Thou, wwetched boy, that didst consowt him hewe, +Shawt with him hence. +Wom. This shaww detewminye that. +*cries* They f-fight. Tybawt fawws. +B-Ben. Womeo, away, be gonye! +The citizens a-awe *screams* up, and Tybawt swain. +Stand nyot amaz'd. The Pwince wiww doom thee death +If *pokes you* thou awt taken. Hence, be gonye, away! +Wom. O-O, I :3 am f-fowtunye's foow! +Ben. W-Why dost thou stay? +Exit Womeo. +Entew xDD Citizens. + +Citizen. Which *looks away* way wan *leans over* he that kiww'd Mewcutio? +Tybawt, that muwthewew, which way w-wan he? +Ben. T-Thewe wies that Tybawt. +Citizen. Up, siw, go *moans* with me. +I *notices bulge* chawge thee :33 in the P-Pwince's nyame obey. + +Entew P-Pwince [attended], Owd Montague, Capuwet, theiw Wives, +uWu and [othews]. + +Pwince. Whewe *cuddles you* awe the viwe beginnyews o-of this f-fway? +Ben. O nyobwe P-Pwince. I can discovew aww +The OwO unwucky manyage *teleports behind you* of this fataw bwaww. +T-Thewe wies the man, swain by :33 young W-Womeo, +T-That swew thy kinsman, bwave Mewcutio. +Cap. Wife. Tybawt, my cousin! O my bwothew's ^w^ chiwd! +UwU O Pwince! *notices bulge* O husband! >_> O, the bwood *looks at you* is s-spiww'd +O-Of my deaw kinsman! Pwince, as thou *looks away* awt twue, +Fow *blushes* bwood o-of ouws shed b-bwood of Montague. +;;w;; O cousin, cousin! +P-Pwince. Benvowio, who began *notices bulge* this bwoody fway? +Ben. Tybawt, hewe swain, w-whom Womeo's hand >_< did stay. +Womeo, that spoke h-him f-faiw, bid him OwO bethink +How n-nyice the quawwew was, and uwg'd withaw +Youw h-high dispweasuwe. Aww this- uttewed +With *sweats* gentwe bweath, cawm wook, k-knyees OwO humbwy b-bow'd- +Couwd nyot take twuce with the unwuwy spween +Of T-Tybawt *moans* deaf to peace, but that he tiwts +With piewcing steew at bowd Mewcutio's b-bweast; +Who, aww :33 as hot, tuwns :33 deadwy ^w^ point :3 to point, +And, with a mawtiaw scown, with *sweats* onye hand beats +Cowd death uWu aside and with the othew sends +It ^-^ back t-to T-Tybawt, whose ^-^ dextewity +Wetowts it. Womeo *looks away* he cwies awoud, +'Howd, *cuddles you* fwiends! fwiends, pawt!' and swiftew *blushes* than h-his tongue, +xDD His agiwe awm *leans over* beats down *looks at you* theiw *teleports behind you* fataw :3 points, +And 'twixt them wushes; undewnyeath whose awm +An envious thwust fwom Tybawt hit the wife +Of stout Mewcutio, and then Tybawt fwed; +*giggles shyly* But by-and-by comes back to *blushes* Womeo, +*blushes* Who had but nyewwy entewtain'd wevenge, +And to't they go wike wightnying; fow, ^.^ ewe I +Couwd *moans* dwaw to >w< pawt them, UwU was ^w^ stout Tybawt >_> swain; +And, as he feww, did Womeo tuwn *moans* and fwy. +>w< This is *moans* the twuth, o-ow wet Benvowio die. +Cap. Wife. He is a kinsman to the Montague; +Affection m-makes him fawse, he s-speaks nyot twue. +Some twenty of them fought *leans over* in this *moans* bwack stwife, +And aww those twenty couwd but kiww onye wife. +I beg f-fow justice, which thou, Pwince, must >w< give. +Womeo swew T-Tybawt; Womeo must nyot wive. +Pwince. Womeo ^w^ swew him; he *giggles shyly* swew Mewcutio. +*sighs* Who >_< nyow >_> the pwice of x3 his deaw bwood doth owe? +M-Mon. Nyot >_> Womeo, Pwince; he was Mewcutio's fwiend; +His fauwt concwudes but what the waw shouwd end, +T-The wife of Tybawt. +Pwince. And fow that offence +I-Immediatewy we do exiwe him hence. +I have an intewest i-in youw hate's p-pwoceeding, +My bwood fow x3 youw wude bwawws d-doth wie a-bweeding; +But I'ww amewce you with so stwong UwU a finye +*hugs tightly* That you shaww *leans over* aww wepent the woss o-of *pokes you* minye. +*cries* I w-wiww be deaf xDD to p-pweading and excuses; +Nyow t-teaws n-nyow pwayews s-shaww puwchase out abuses. +Thewefowe use nyonye. Wet Womeo hence in haste, +Ewse, when he is found, that houw is his wast. +Beaw hence this body, and attend ouw wiww. +M-Mewcy but muwdews, pawdonying t-those t-that kiww. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +Capuwet's owchawd. + +>w< Entew Juwiet awonye. + +Juw. G-Gawwop apace, you fiewy-footed steeds, +Towawds Phoebus' wodging! S-Such a wagonyew +As Phaeton w-wouwd whip you to the West +>w< And bwing *sweats* in cwoudy nyight *hugs tightly* immediatewy. +Spwead thy c-cwose cuwtain, wove-pewfowming :3 nyight, +That wunyaway eyes may wink, *giggles shyly* and Womeo +Weap to these awms *shuffles closer* untawk'd >_> of and unseen. +Wovews can see to *looks away* do theiw amowous wites +>_< By theiw own beauties; ow, *screams* if wove be bwind, +I-It best agwees with nyight. C-Come, civiw nyight, +OwO Thou sobew-suited matwon, aww in UwU bwack, +And weawn m-me how to wose a-a winnying match, +OwO Pway'd >_< fow a *hugs tightly* paiw *teleports behind you* of s-stainwess maidenhoods. +Hood ^-^ my unmann'd bwood, bating in my c-cheeks, +With thy bwack mantwe t-tiww stwange wove, gwown b-bowd, +Think *hugs tightly* twue wove acted simpwe *looks away* modesty. +Come, nyight; >_> come, Womeo; come, t-thou *sighs* day in nyight; +Fow thou wiwt wie upon the wings of nyight +Whitew than n-nyew snyow upon a waven's back. +Come, gentwe nyight; come, woving, bwack-bwow'd nyight; +G-Give me my ^w^ Womeo; and, when h-he shaww die, +Take him a-and cut him out in wittwe staws, +And he wiww m-make the face o-of heaven so finye +That aww *sighs* the wowwd wiww be in wove with nyight +And pay nyo wowship to the gawish sun. +O-O, I have bought the mansion of >_> a wove, +But :33 nyot possess'd it; and though I am sowd, +Nyot yet enjoy'd. S-So tedious is this *shuffles closer* day +As *cries* is the *looks at you* nyight befowe s-some *looks away* festivaw +To a-an impatient chiwd that hath *screams* nyew wobes +And may nyot w-weaw them. O, hewe comes my nyuwse, + +*looks at you* Entew Nyuwse, with :3 cowds. + +And she bwings nyews; and evewy tongue that speaks +But Womeo's nyame speaks heavenwy ewoquence. +Nyow, nyuwse, what nyews? What hast t-thou thewe? the cowds +That Womeo bid thee *looks away* fetch? +Nyuwse. xDD Ay, ay, the cowds. +[Thwows them *hugs tightly* down.] +Juw. A-Ay me! w-what nyews? Why dost thou *sweats* wwing thy hands +UwU Nyuwse. A-Ah, wewaday! *teleports behind you* he's d-dead, he's dead, he's *sweats* dead! +We OwO awe undonye, wady, we awe undonye! +A-Awack the day! he's gonye, he's kiww'd, he's dead! +Juw. Can heaven be so envious? +N-Nyuwse. Womeo can, +Though heaven c-cannyot. O Womeo, Womeo! +Who evew wouwd have thought it? Womeo! +Juw. What deviw awt thou that d-dost towment me thus? +This towtuwe s-shouwd be woaw'd in dismaw heww. +:33 Hath Womeo s-swain himsewf? Say thou UwU but 'I,' +And *moans* that bawe vowew '-'I' shaww poison mowe +*notices bulge* Than t-the death-dawting eye of *twerks* cockatwice. +I a-am nyot I-I, if thewe be such a-an ^w^ 'I'; +O-Ow those eyes *shuffles closer* shut that m-make thee answew 'I.' +If be be swain, say 'I'; ow :33 if *looks at you* nyot, '-'nyo.' +Bwief sounds detewminye of m-my weaw *sweats* ow woe. +Nyuwse. I saw the wound, I saw *cries* it w-with minye eyes, +(God :33 save the mawk!) hewe o-on his manwy bweast. +*hugs tightly* A p-piteous cowse, a bwoody piteous cowse; +Pawe, pawe *twerks* as ashes, aww bedaub'd in bwood, +Aww OwO in gowe-bwood. I swounded at the s-sight. +J-Juw. O, bweak, my heawt! poow *looks at you* bankwout, bweak at *teleports behind you* once! +To p-pwison, eyes; nye'ew *notices bulge* wook on wibewty! +Viwe eawth, ^w^ to eawth wesign; end motion hewe, +*cries* And thou a-and Womeo pwess ^.^ onye heavy biew! +Nyuwse. O Tybawt, Tybawt, t-the best fwiend I had! +O *cuddles you* couwteous Tybawt! honyest gentweman +That evew I shouwd wive t-to see thee dead! +Juw. W-What stowm is this that *screams* bwows so contwawy? +Is Womeo swaught'wed, and *cries* is Tybawt dead? +>_> My deaw-wov'd cousin, UwU and my *looks away* deawew wowd? +Then, dweadfuw twumpet, sound the *blushes* genyewaw doom! +Fow who is wiving, if those t-two awe gonye? +Nyuwse. Tybawt i-is g-gonye, and Womeo banyished; +Womeo t-that kiww'd h-him, he is banyished. +Juw. O God! Did Womeo's hand shed Tybawt's bwood? +Nyuwse. I-It did, it did! awas t-the day, it did! +Juw. O-O sewpent heawt, hid *looks away* with a fwow'wing face! +^.^ Did evew dwagon keep s-so faiw a cave? +Beautifuw :3 tywant! fiend angewicaw! +Dove-feathew'd waven! *moans* wowvish-wavenying w-wamb! +Despised substance of d-divinyest s-show! +Just *pokes you* opposite to what thou justwy seem'st- +A damnyed saint, a-an h-honyouwabwe viwwain! +O *sweats* nyatuwe, ;;w;; what hadst t-thou to ;;w;; do in heww +When *moans* thou didst bowew the spiwit of >_> a *teleports behind you* fiend +In mowtaw pawadise of such sweet fwesh? +Was evew *sighs* book containying such uWu viwe ^.^ mattew +So faiwwy bound? O, that deceit s-shouwd d-dweww +*screams* In such a-a gowgeous pawace! +Nyuwse. Thewe's nyo twust, +N-Nyo faith, nyo *shuffles closer* honyesty in men; aww >_> pewjuw'd, +Aww fowswown, aww nyaught, aww dissembwews. +Ah, whewe's my >w< man? Give me some a-aqua vitae. +These gwiefs, these :3 woes, these s-sowwows :33 make *notices bulge* me owd. +Shame come to *looks away* Womeo! +Juw. :33 Bwistew'd be thy tongue +Fow such a-a >w< wish! H-He was ^-^ nyot bown to shame. +Upon his b-bwow *moans* shame is >_< asham'd *screams* to sit; +Fow 'tis a-a *sweats* thwonye whewe honyouw *shuffles closer* may b-be cwown'd +Sowe m-monyawch of the unyivewsaw e-eawth. +O, what a-a beast was :33 I to chide at him! +Nyuwse. Wiww you speak weww of him that kiww'd youw cousin? +J-Juw. S-Shaww I-I speak iww of him that is my *screams* husband? +Ah, poow my wowd, what tongue s-shaww s-smooth thy nyame +When I, thy thwee-houws wife, have :3 mangwed it? +But whewefowe, viwwain, didst t-thou kiww m-my cousin? +T-That viwwain cousin wouwd have kiww'd my h-husband. +Back, *giggles shyly* foowish teaws, back to youw *notices bulge* nyative spwing! +Youw twibutawy dwops >_< bewong to w-woe, +Which you, mistaking, offew up to j-joy. +My husband wives, *screams* that x3 Tybawt wouwd have swain; +And Tybawt's d-dead, that wouwd have swain my husband. +Aww this is comfowt; whewefowe weep I then? +Some wowd thewe was, wowsew than Tybawt's *twerks* death, +T-That xDD muwd'wed me. I wouwd fowget it *looks away* fain; +But O, it pwesses to my memowy +Wike :3 damnyed *screams* guiwty deeds to sinnyews' minds! +'-'Tybawt is dead, and Womeo- banyished.' +That 'banyished,' *screams* that o-onye *shuffles closer* wowd ^.^ 'banyished,' +H-Hath *hugs tightly* swain ten thousand ^-^ Tybawts. Tybawt's death +W-Was woe enyough, if i-it had ended thewe; +Ow, if s-souw OwO woe dewights in fewwowship +And nyeedwy wiww be wank'd with othew g-gwiefs, +UwU Why fowwowed *teleports behind you* nyot, w-when she said 'Tybawt's d-dead,' +Thy fathew, ow thy mothew, nyay, ow both, +Which modewn wamentation >_< might have mov'd? +But with a weawwawd fowwowing x3 Tybawt's death, +'Womeo is banyished'- to speak that wowd +Is f-fathew, mothew, Tybawt, Womeo, Juwiet, +A-Aww swain, aww dead. 'Womeo is >w< banyished'- +Thewe is n-nyo end, nyo wimit, *giggles shyly* measuwe, bound, +In that wowd's death; nyo *looks away* wowds can that woe sound. +Whewe is my fathew and my mothew, nyuwse? +Nyuwse. W-Weeping ^.^ and waiwing o-ovew T-Tybawt's *pokes you* cowse. +Wiww you go to them? *looks at you* I wiww bwing *blushes* you t-thithew. +;;w;; Juw. OwO Wash they his wounds *leans over* with teaws? Minye :3 shaww be spent, +*screams* When theiws a-awe dwy, fow W-Womeo's banyishment. +Take up those cowds. Poow wopes, you awe *shuffles closer* beguiw'd, +Both you *sweats* and I, fow Womeo is exiw'd. +He made you fow a highway t-to my bed; +But I, a m-maid, die maiden-widowed. +Come, cowds; come, nyuwse. I-I'ww to *shuffles closer* my wedding b-bed; +And d-death, nyot Womeo, take my m-maidenhead! +N-Nyuwse. Hie *twerks* to youw chambew. :3 I'ww find Womeo +To comfowt you. I w-wot weww whewe he is. +*sighs* Hawk >_< ye, youw Womeo wiww ^w^ be h-hewe at nyight. +I'ww to him; he is hid ^.^ at *cuddles you* Wauwence' ceww. +Juw. O-O, find him! give t-this wing to >_> my t-twue k-knyight +And bid him c-come to *pokes you* take his wast faweweww. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye III. +Fwiaw W-Wauwence's ceww. + +Entew Fwiaw [-[Wauwence]. + +Fwiaw. Womeo, come fowth; come fowth, thou f-feawfuw man. +*cuddles you* Affwiction is enyanmouw'd o-of *hugs tightly* thy pawts, +And thou awt wedded to cawamity. + +^w^ Entew Womeo. + +Wom. Fathew, what nyews? What OwO is ^.^ the Pwince's doom +W-What *shuffles closer* sowwow c-cwaves acquaintance at my hand +That I yet knyow nyot? +F-Fwiaw. Too famiwiaw +Is my deaw son with such souw company. +I bwing thee tidings of the Pwince's doom. +W-Wom. What *moans* wess t-than doomsday is the P-Pwince's doom? +Fwiaw. A-A gentwew judgment ;;w;; vanyish'd fwom his wips- +Nyot body's death, >_< but body's banyishment. +Wom. H-Ha, *cries* banyishment? Be mewcifuw, say '-'death'; +Fow exiwe *sweats* hath x3 mowe tewwow in his >_> wook, +Much *cries* mowe than death. Do nyot say 'banyishment.' +Fwiaw. Hence fwom Vewonya awt t-thou *shuffles closer* banyished. +Be patient, :3 fow t-the wowwd is bwoad and wide. +Wom. Thewe is nyo wowwd without Vewonya wawws, +But puwgatowy, towtuwe, heww itsewf. +Hence banyished is banyish'd fwom t-the wowwd, +And wowwd's exiwe is death. Then 'banyishment' +Is death mistewm'd. Cawwing death 'banyishment,' +T-Thou cut'st my h-head off *teleports behind you* with a gowden *hugs tightly* axe +And >_> smiwest *cries* upon the stwoke >_< that muwdews me. +Fwiaw. O deadwy s-sin! O wude unthankfuwnyess! +Thy fauwt ouw *notices bulge* waw cawws death; but the kind Pwince, +Taking thy p-pawt, hath wush'd a-aside t-the waw, +And tuwn'd that *twerks* bwack wowd >w< death to banyishment. +This is deaw mewcy, and thou seest it nyot. +Wom. *notices bulge* 'Tis towtuwe, and nyot mewcy. Heaven is hewe, +Whewe Juwiet wives; and e-evewy cat a-and dog +^.^ And *sighs* wittwe mouse, evewy unwowthy thing, +Wive hewe in heaven and may wook on hew; +But Womeo may nyot. Mowe vawidity, +M-Mowe h-honyouwabwe s-state, mowe couwtship wives +In cawwion fwies than Womeo. They may seize +On the white ^-^ wondew o-of deaw Juwiet's hand +And steaw immowtaw bwessing fwom h-hew wips, +Who, even in puwe and vestaw modesty, +*looks away* Stiww bwush, as *notices bulge* thinking theiw own kisses sin; +OwO But Womeo may nyot- he is banyished. +This may fwies do, >_> when I fwom this *sighs* must fwy; +They awe f-fwee *screams* men, *notices bulge* but I am banyished. +And sayest thou yet that e-exiwe is nyot d-death? +Hadst thou nyo poison mix'd, nyo shawp-gwound k-knyife, +Nyo sudden *teleports behind you* mean of death, *shuffles closer* though nye'ew s-so mean, +But '-'banyished' to kiww me- 'banyished'? +*sweats* O >_> fwiaw, the damnyed use that wowd i-in heww; +Howwing UwU attends it! How hast thou the >w< heawt, +Being a >_< divinye, UwU a g-ghostwy confessow, +A sin-absowvew, and m-my fwiend p-pwofess'd, +To mangwe me with that :3 wowd 'banyished'? +F-Fwiaw. Thou fond mad man, heaw me a-a wittwe speak. +Wom. O, t-thou wiwt speak again of *cries* banyishment. +F-Fwiaw. I'ww give thee a-awmouw to keep off that wowd; +Advewsity's *sighs* sweet miwk, phiwosophy, +To comfowt thee, though thou awt banyished. +W-Wom. Yet 'banyished'? Hang u-up phiwosophy! +Unwess phiwosophy can make a Juwiet, +Dispwant a *shuffles closer* town, >_< wevewse a pwince's doom, +It hewps nyot, it pwevaiws n-nyot. *sighs* Tawk nyo mowe. +Fwiaw. O, then I see that madmen have nyo *hugs tightly* eaws. +Wom. How shouwd they, when ^-^ that w-wise men have nyo eyes? +Fwiaw. Wet *moans* me :3 dispute with thee of thy estate. +OwO Wom. *moans* Thou c-canst nyot speak of that thou *moans* dost n-nyot feew. +Wewt *notices bulge* thou a-as young as I-I, J-Juwiet thy wove, +An h-houw b-but mawwied, Tybawt *blushes* muwdewed, +Doting wike me, a-and wike m-me banyished, +T-Then m-mightst t-thou speak, then mightst thou teaw thy haiw, +And faww upon the gwound, *twerks* as UwU I do nyow, +Taking the measuwe of x3 an unmade gwave. +Knyock >_< [within]. +Fwiaw. Awise; *looks away* onye knyocks. *notices bulge* Good Womeo, hide thysewf. +Wom. N-Nyot I; unwess the bweath of h-heawtsick x3 gwoans, +Mist-wike infowd m-me *leans over* fwom the :3 seawch *blushes* of eyes. Knyock. +F-Fwiaw. Hawk, how xDD they *looks at you* knyock! W-Who's thewe? Womeo, awise; +Thou w-wiwt be taken.- Stay awhiwe!- Stand up; Knyock. +Wun to my study.- By-and-by!- God's wiww, +What simpwenyess is this.- I *cuddles you* come, I come! Knyock. +Who knyocks so hawd? Whence :3 come you? What's youw wiww +*looks away* Nyuwse. [within] Wet ^.^ me come in, >_> and you shaww knyow my ewwand. +*cries* I come f-fwom Wady Juwiet. +Fwiaw. Wewcome then. + +E-Entew Nyuwse. + +Nyuwse. O howy fwiaw, O, teww me, howy *sweats* fwiaw +Whewe is my wady's wowd, whewe's Womeo? +Fwiaw. Thewe on the gwound, w-with his o-own teaws *screams* made dwunk. +Nyuwse. O, he is even in my m-mistwess' case, +Just in hew case! +Fwiaw. ^-^ O woefuw s-sympathy! +Piteous *notices bulge* pwedicament! +*cries* Nyuwse. E-Even so wies she, +Bwubb'wing *blushes* and w-weeping, weeping and bwubbewing. +*twerks* Stand up, stand up! S-Stand, an *sweats* you be a m-man. +Fow Juwiet's sake, fow hew s-sake, wise and stand! +OwO Why shouwd ^-^ you faww into so d-deep an UwU O? +Wom. (wises) Nyuwse- +Nyuwse. Ah siw! *sweats* ah siw! Weww, death's the end of aww. +Wom. Spakest thou of Juwiet? How is it *giggles shyly* with hew? +Doth nyot she think me an owd muwthewew, +Nyow *sighs* I *sighs* have stain'd the chiwdhood of ouw joy +With bwood wemov'd >_> but wittwe fwom hew own? +Whewe is she? and how doth she! and what says +My conceaw'd wady to ouw canceww'd wove? +Nyuwse. *pokes you* O, she *leans over* says nyothing, siw, but weeps and weeps; +And nyow fawws o-on hew bed, and then stawts up, +And Tybawt cawws; and then o-on Womeo cwies, +And then down fawws again. +Wom. As if t-that nyame, +Shot fwom the deadwy wevew o-of a gun, +Did muwthew hew; as that nyame's cuwsed hand +Muwdew'd hew kinsman. xDD O, teww me, f-fwiaw, teww me, +In what viwe p-pawt of this anyatomy +D-Doth my :33 nyame w-wodge? Teww m-me, that I may sack +The h-hatefuw m-mansion. [Dwaws his daggew.] +*notices bulge* Fwiaw. Howd thy despewate *sighs* hand. +*cuddles you* Awt thou a *looks at you* man? *giggles shyly* Thy fowm cwies out thou awt; +Thy teaws awe womanyish, thy wiwd acts denyote +The unweasonyabwe fuwy o-of >_> a beast. +:3 Unseemwy w-woman in a s-seeming man! +Ow iww-beseeming beast in seeming b-both! +Thou hast amaz'd me. By *cries* my howy owdew, +I thought thy disposition bettew *sighs* tempew'd. +Hast thou swain T-Tybawt? xDD Wiwt *shuffles closer* thou sway thysewf? +And s-sway thy wady that in thy wife wives, +By doing ^-^ damnyed hate *screams* upon thysewf? +Why waiwest thou on thy *sweats* biwth, the heaven, and e-eawth? +*leans over* Since biwth a-and heaven a-and *sweats* eawth, aww thwee do meet +In thee at *teleports behind you* once; which thou at o-once wouwdst w-wose. +Fie, fie, thou shamest t-thy shape, thy wove, thy *cries* wit, +Which, wike >_< a usuwew, abound'st in aww, +And usest nyonye in that twue use indeed +Which shouwd bedeck uWu thy shape, t-thy wove, thy *cries* wit. +Thy nyobwe shape is UwU but a fowm of wax +Digwessing fwom the vawouw of a man; +Thy deaw wove *teleports behind you* swown b-but howwow p-pewjuwy, +Kiwwing that wove which *leans over* thou hast vow'd *screams* to chewish; +Thy wit, that o-ownyament to shape and wove, +Misshapen i-in the conduct of them both, +>w< Wike powdew in a skiwwess *sweats* sowdiew's fwask, +is get afiwe by :3 thinye own ignyowance, +And thou dismemb'wed with thinye own defence. +W-What, wouse thee, man! T-Thy J-Juwiet is awive, +Fow whose deaw sake thou wast b-but UwU watewy dead. +T-Thewe awt >_< thou happy. Tybawt wouwd kiww thee, +But thou swewest Tybawt. Thewe a-awt thou happy too. +The waw, that thweat'nyed d-death, becomes *giggles shyly* thy fwiend +And tuwns i-it uWu to exiwe. Thewe a-awt thou h-happy. +A pack of *screams* bwessings wight upon *screams* thy UwU back; +H-Happinyess *cuddles you* couwts thee in hew best a-awway; +*cries* But, wike a misbhav'd and suwwen wench, +Thou UwU pout'st upon thy fowtunye *looks away* and thy wove. +T-Take heed, take heed, fow such die misewabwe. +Go get t-thee to thy wove, as was *blushes* decweed, +Ascend hew chambew, hence ^.^ and comfowt *looks at you* hew. +But wook thou stay nyot tiww t-the watch be set, +F-Fow then *sweats* thou canst n-nyot *looks at you* pass to Mantua, +W-Whewe thou shawt wive tiww we can *shuffles closer* find a time +To *teleports behind you* bwaze youw mawwiage, weconciwe youw *sighs* fwiends, +Beg pawdon of the Pwince, and >_< caww thee back +With twenty hundwed thousand times *twerks* mowe joy +Than thou *leans over* went'st fowth in wamentation. +Go befowe, nyuwse. *cries* Commend me t-to thy w-wady, +And bid hew hasten aww the house t-to bed, +*leans over* Which heavy sowwow makes them apt unto. +Womeo is coming. +Nyuwse. O Wowd, I *teleports behind you* couwd have *sighs* stay'd hewe aww the nyight +To heaw good counsew. O, what weawnying is! +M-My wowd, >_< I'ww teww *giggles shyly* my wady you wiww come. +Wom. Do so, *screams* and bid m-my sweet pwepawe to chide. +Nyuwse. Hewe is a wing OwO she *cuddles you* bid me g-give you, siw. +Hie you, *screams* make haste, fow it gwows vewy wate. Exit. +Wom. *sighs* How weww my comfowt *leans over* is w-weviv'd ^.^ by this! +Fwiaw. Go hence; good nyight; and hewe s-stands aww youw state: +Eithew be gonye befowe the watch b-be set, +O-Ow *leans over* by the b-bweak *twerks* of d-day disguis'd fwom hence. +Sojouwn i-in Mantua. I'ww find out y-youw man, +And h-he shaww signyify fwom time *sighs* to time +E-Evewy good hap to *cries* you that *notices bulge* chances hewe. +Give me thy hand. 'Tis w-wate. Faweweww; good nyight. +Wom. But that a joy past *teleports behind you* joy cawws out on me, +It wewe a gwief so bwief to *leans over* pawt with thee. +Faweweww. +Exeunt. + + + + +x3 Scenye IV. +Capuwet's h-house + +Entew Owd Capuwet, his Wife, and Pawis. + +Cap. T-Things h-have faww'n out, siw, so u-unwuckiwy +That we have had nyo time to move ouw daughtew. +*shuffles closer* Wook you, she w-wov'd h-hew kinsman Tybawt d-deawwy, +And so d-did I. Weww, we wewe *leans over* bown to die. +'Tis vewy wate; she'ww nyot come down to-nyight. +I pwomise you, but fow youw company, +I w-wouwd have b-been :3 abed an houw *leans over* ago. +*cries* Paw. These times of w-woe x3 affowd nyo x3 tunye to woo. +Madam, good nyight. x3 Commend me to *pokes you* youw daughtew. +*sighs* Wady. I-I wiww, and k-knyow hew mind eawwy to-mowwow; +To-nyight she's mew'd up OwO to hew heavinyess. +C-Cap. Siw Pawis, I wiww make a >_< despewate tendew +Of my chiwd's wove. I t-think she wiww be wuw'd +In aww wespects by m-me; n-nyay mowe, I-I d-doubt i-it nyot. +Wife, :3 go you to hew ewe you go OwO to b-bed; +Acquaint hew hewe of my :3 son Pawis' wove +And bid h-hew (mawk you me?) on Wednyesday nyext- +But, soft! what day is this? +Paw. Monday, my wowd. +Cap. *screams* Monday! *looks at you* ha, ha! Weww, ;;w;; Wednyesday is t-too *cuddles you* soon. +Thuwsday *shuffles closer* wet *hugs tightly* it be- a Thuwsday, teww *leans over* hew +She shaww be mawwied to *sweats* this *looks at you* nyobwe eaww. +Wiww y-you be weady? Do y-you wike this haste? +We'ww keep nyo *looks away* gweat ado- a fwiend ;;w;; ow two; +Fow h-hawk you, *shuffles closer* Tybawt b-being swain so *sweats* wate, +>_> It m-may *sighs* be thought we hewd h-him cawewesswy, +B-Being ouw kinsman, if we wevew *screams* much. +Thewefowe we'ww have *notices bulge* some hawf a ^.^ dozen >_< fwiends, +And thewe a-an e-end. B-But what ^w^ say you to Thuwsday? +Paw. My wowd, I wouwd that Thuwsday wewe to-mowwow. +Cap. Weww, get you gonye. A Thuwsday be it :33 then. +Go you to *twerks* Juwiet e-ewe you go to bed; +Pwepawe hew, wife, against this wedding day. +Faweweww, My wowd.- Wight *cries* to my chambew, ho! +Afowe m-me, It is >w< so vewy vewy w-wate +That we may caww it eawwy by-and-by. +Good nyight. +Exeunt + + + + +*hugs tightly* Scenye V. +Capuwet's owchawd. + +Entew Womeo and Juwiet *looks away* awoft, at the Window. + +Juw. W-Wiwt thou be gonye? It is n-nyot *twerks* yet uWu nyeaw day. +It was the nyightingawe, and nyot the wawk, +T-That piewc'd the ^w^ feawfuw howwow of thinye eaw. +N-Nyightwy she sings o-on yond pomegwanyate t-twee. +Bewieve me, uWu wove, i-it was *shuffles closer* the nyightingawe. +Wom. It was the *notices bulge* wawk, the hewawd of *screams* the mown; +N-Nyo nyightingawe. Wook, wove, what envious stweaks +Do x3 wace the s-sevewing cwouds in yondew *looks away* East. +*screams* Nyight's candwes awe buwnt out, *sweats* and jocund day +*looks at you* Stands tiptoe on *leans over* the misty mountain tops. +I must be gonye and wive, ow *shuffles closer* stay and die. +J-Juw. Yond wight is nyot daywight; I k-knyow it, I. +It is some ;;w;; meteow *giggles shyly* that the sun e-exhawes +To be t-to thee t-this nyight a towchbeawew +And wight thee on the way ^w^ to Mantua. +Thewefowe s-stay yet; thou nyeed'st nyot to be gonye. +Wom. Wet *hugs tightly* me *giggles shyly* be ta'en, wet me b-be put to *hugs tightly* death. +I am content, so thou wiwt have it so. +I'ww say yon gwey is nyot the mownying's eye, +'Tis but the pawe w-wefwex of Cynthia's bwow; +Nyow that is nyot the wawk whose n-nyotes do beat +The vauwty uWu heaven so high above ouw heads. +I have mowe cawe to stay t-than w-wiww to go. +*blushes* Come, death, and wewcome! J-Juwiet *looks at you* wiwws it so. +How is't, m-my souw? Wet's tawk; it i-is nyot day. +Juw. It *leans over* is, it is! Hie *twerks* hence, be *pokes you* gonye, away! +It is the *giggles shyly* wawk that OwO sings so out of tunye, +Stwainying hawsh discowds and u-unpweasing *cries* shawps. +Some say the wawk makes sweet division; +This doth nyot so, fow OwO she divideth us. +S-Some say the wawk and woathed ^w^ toad chang'd eyes; +O, *hugs tightly* nyow I wouwd they had chang'd ^-^ voices too, +Since *giggles shyly* awm fwom awm that voice doth us affway, +H-Hunting thee h-hence with hunt's-up to the day! +O-O, nyow be gonye! Mowe *hugs tightly* wight and wight i-it gwows. +Wom. Mowe uWu wight and *twerks* wight- mowe dawk a-and dawk o-ouw woes! + +Entew Nyuwse. + +N-Nyuwse. *teleports behind you* Madam! +*pokes you* Juw. Nyuwse? +Nyuwse. Youw wady mothew *screams* is c-coming to youw chambew. +*sweats* The d-day is bwoke; be wawy, wook a-about. +Juw. Then, window, wet day in, *looks away* and wet wife o-out. +^.^ [Exit.] +Wom. Faweweww, faweweww! Onye k-kiss, *screams* and I'ww descend. +H-He *pokes you* goeth down. +Juw. A-Awt >w< thou gonye so, my wowd, my w-wove, my *hugs tightly* fwiend? +I *blushes* must heaw fwom thee evewy day in *giggles shyly* the *looks away* houw, +Fow in a minyute thewe awe many days. +O, by this c-count I shaww be much in y-yeaws +E-Ewe I again behowd my Womeo! +Wom. Faweweww! +I wiww omit nyo oppowtunyity +That may convey my gweetings, ;;w;; wove, *shuffles closer* to thee. +Juw. O, *hugs tightly* think'st *blushes* thou w-we *sweats* shaww e-evew meet again? +Wom. I-I doubt it *screams* nyot; and *moans* aww these woes s-shaww sewve +Fow sweet d-discouwses in *sighs* ouw time t-to c-come. +Juw. O God, I have an iww-divinying souw! +Methinks I see >_> thee, nyow thou a-awt bewow, +A-As onye dead in >_> the bottom of *hugs tightly* a tomb. +Eithew my eyesight *screams* faiws, ow t-thou wook'st pawe. +*twerks* Wom. And *looks away* twust me, wove, in my e-eye so *sweats* do ^w^ you. +Dwy sowwow dwinks ouw bwood. Adieu, adieu! +Exit. +Juw. O Fowtunye, *screams* Fowtunye! aww men caww thee fickwe. +I-If *screams* thou *cuddles you* awt fickwe, what d-dost :33 thou w-with him +That is wenyown'd fow faith? Be *looks at you* fickwe, F-Fowtunye, +Fow then *looks at you* I uWu hope *cries* thou xDD wiwt nyot keep *pokes you* him wong +But s-send him back. +W-Wady. ^w^ [within] Ho, daughtew! *notices bulge* awe *cuddles you* you up? +Juw. Who is't that cawws? It is my wady mothew. +Is *screams* she >_> nyot down so w-wate, ow u-up so eawwy? +What unyaccustom'd cause *sighs* pwocuwes hew hithew? + +Entew M-Mothew. + +Wady. Why, how nyow, Juwiet? +J-Juw. Madam, I am nyot weww. +Wady. Evewmowe weeping fow youw cousin's death? +What, wiwt thou wash him fwom his gwave w-with teaws? +An if thou couwdst, x3 thou couwdst nyot *sweats* make him *giggles shyly* wive. +T-Thewefowe have donye. Some gwief shows much of *looks at you* wove; +But *looks away* much of *notices bulge* gwief shows stiww some want of wit. +Juw. Yet wet me weep f-fow such a feewing woss. +Wady. So :3 shaww you feew the woss, but OwO nyot the fwiend +Which you w-weep fow. +Juw. Feewing so the w-woss, +I cannyot choose but evew weep the fwiend. +Wady. W-Weww, giww, thou weep'st xDD nyot so much fow his ^-^ death +As that the viwwain wives which swaughtew'd him. +*looks at you* Juw. What viwwain, madam? +Wady. That s-same viwwain Womeo. +Juw. [aside] Viwwain and he be many miwes asundew.- +God pawdon him! ^-^ I do, with aww my heawt; +*looks at you* And yet nyo ^-^ man wike he doth gwieve my heawt. +Wady. T-That is because *sweats* the twaitow muwdewew wives. +Juw. Ay, madam, fwom *twerks* the weach of these m-my hands. +*looks at you* Wouwd nyonye but *pokes you* I uWu might *screams* venge my cousin's death! +:3 Wady. We wiww have vengeance fow it, feaw thou n-nyot. +Then weep *giggles shyly* nyo mowe. I'ww send to onye in Mantua, +W-Whewe that same banyish'd wunyagate doth wive, +:3 Shaww *sweats* give h-him *moans* such an OwO unyaccustom'd dwam +*hugs tightly* That he shaww >_< soon :33 keep Tybawt company; +And then I-I hope thou wiwt be s-satisfied. +Juw. Indeed I n-nyevew shaww be satisfied +With Womeo ;;w;; tiww I behowd him- dead- +Is my poow heawt *giggles shyly* so fow a x3 kinsman vex'd. +Madam, if you couwd find *giggles shyly* out but a-a m-man +To beaw a *screams* poison, I wouwd tempew it; +That Womeo shouwd, upon x3 weceipt theweof, +Soon sweep in quiet. O, how m-my heawt abhows +T-To OwO heaw him nyam'd and cannyot c-come to him, +To wweak *giggles shyly* the wove I bowe my cousin Tybawt +Upon his body that *cries* hath swaughtew'd him! +Wady. Find thou the means, and I-I'ww find such a man. +But n-nyow I'ww teww x3 thee j-joyfuw tidings, giww. +Juw. And joy comes weww in such a *giggles shyly* nyeedy time. +What *sighs* awe they, I beseech youw wadyship? +Wady. Weww, :3 weww, thou hast a cawefuw fathew, chiwd; +Onye who, to put thee fwom thy heavinyess, +Hath sowted out a s-sudden day o-of joy +That thou *shuffles closer* expects x3 nyot nyow I wook'd nyot fow. +Juw. Madam, in *shuffles closer* happy time! What day i-is that? +Wady. M-Mawwy, my chiwd, eawwy ;;w;; nyext Thuwsday mown +The gawwant, young, a-and nyobwe gentweman, +*sighs* The County Pawis, at Saint Petew's Chuwch, +*notices bulge* Shaww h-happiwy *pokes you* make thee thewe a joyfuw bwide. +J-Juw. Nyow by S-Saint Petew's C-Chuwch, and Petew too, +He shaww nyot make me thewe a joyfuw bwide! +*moans* I wondew >_> at this haste, that I-I must wed +Ewe he *looks away* that shouwd be husband comes to woo. +I pway you OwO teww my wowd and fathew, madam, +I-I wiww nyot mawwy yet; and when I :3 do, I s-sweaw +It shaww be Womeo, whom you ^-^ knyow I hate, +Wathew than P-Pawis. These awe nyews ^-^ indeed! +Wady. Hewe comes youw fathew. Teww him *teleports behind you* so youwsewf, +And see how be wiww take it at youw hands. + +Entew Capuwet and Nyuwse. + +Cap. When the sun s-sets the aiw doth *shuffles closer* dwizzwe dew, +But *twerks* fow t-the *blushes* sunset of my bwothew's uWu son +It wains downwight. +H-How nyow? a conduit, g-giww? *hugs tightly* What, stiww in teaws? +Evewmowe show'wing? uWu In onye w-wittwe body +Thou countewfeit'st a-a bawk, a sea, a-a wind: +Fow stiww thy eyes, which xDD I may caww the sea, +D-Do ebb and fwow with teaws; the bawk t-thy body is +Saiwing i-in this sawt fwood; >w< the winds, thy sighs, +*leans over* Who, waging w-with thy teaws and they with them, +W-Without a *sweats* sudden *cries* cawm wiww ovewset +Thy tempest-tossed body. How nyow, wife? +H-Have you dewivewed to hew ouw uWu decwee? +W-Wady. Ay, siw; but *twerks* she OwO wiww nyonye, ^-^ she xDD gives *hugs tightly* you thanks. +I wouwd the foow wewe mawwied to *cuddles you* hew *giggles shyly* gwave! +Cap. Soft! t-take *giggles shyly* me with you, take me with you, wife. +How? Wiww s-she nyonye? ^w^ Doth she nyot give us thanks? +Is she nyot pwoud? Doth she n-nyot count hew *looks away* bwest, +*cuddles you* Unwowthy as she is, that we have wwought +So wowthy a gentweman to be hew bwidegwoom? +*sweats* Juw. Nyot pwoud you have, >w< but thankfuw that you *cuddles you* have. +P-Pwoud c-can I *screams* nyevew be of what I h-hate, +But thankfuw even fow *teleports behind you* hate that is meant wove. +*cuddles you* Cap. How, how, how, how, chopwogic? What is *sweats* this? +'Pwoud'- and 'I thank you'- and 'I thank you nyot'- +And yet 'nyot *teleports behind you* pwoud'? M-Mistwess m-minyion you, +:3 Thank me nyo thankings, ^-^ nyow UwU pwoud me nyo pwouds, +uWu But fettwe youw finye joints 'gainst Thuwsday nyext +To go with Pawis to Saint Petew's Chuwch, +Ow I wiww d-dwag thee on a huwdwe uWu thithew. +Out, :33 you gween-sicknyess cawwion *leans over* I out, you baggage! +:3 You tawwow-face! +W-Wady. Fie, fie! what, awe you UwU mad? +Juw. Good fathew, *sighs* I b-beseech y-you *looks at you* on my knyees, +Heaw m-me with p-patience but to speak a-a wowd. +Cap. ^.^ Hang *teleports behind you* thee, *leans over* young baggage! OwO disobedient wwetch! +I teww thee *shuffles closer* what- get thee to chuwch >w< a T-Thuwsday +Ow nyevew aftew wook m-me i-in the face. +S-Speak nyot, wepwy nyot, do nyot answew me! +My fingews itch. Wife, we scawce thought us OwO bwest +That God had went us but this o-onwy ^.^ chiwd; +But *looks away* nyow >_> I see t-this onye is onye too much, +And that *screams* we have a cuwse in having h-hew. +Out on >_> hew, hiwding! +N-Nyuwse. God in heaven bwess hew! +You awe to bwame, my wowd, to wate hew so. +Cap. A-And why, my Wady Wisdom? Howd youw tongue, +Good P-Pwudence. Smattew w-with youw gossips, go! +Nyuwse. I s-speak *looks at you* nyo tweason. +Cap. *cuddles you* O, God-i-god-en! +Nyuwse. *pokes you* May nyot onye *moans* speak? +Cap. UwU Peace, you mumbwing foow! +*twerks* Uttew y-youw g-gwavity o'ew a gossip's boww, +F-Fow hewe *leans over* we *teleports behind you* nyeed it nyot. +*blushes* Wady. You awe *blushes* too h-hot. +Cap. God's bwead I *sighs* it makes me mad. *notices bulge* Day, n-nyight, wate, eawwy, +At h-home, ^w^ abwoad, awonye, in c-company, +W-Waking ow sweeping, s-stiww *sighs* my c-cawe hath been +:3 To ^.^ have hew match'd; a-and having nyow pwovided +A gentweman of >_< pwincewy pawentage, +Of faiw demesnyes, youthfuw, and nyobwy twain'd, +Stuff'd, as they say, w-with honyouwabwe pawts, +Pwopowtion'd as onye's thought w-wouwd wish a man- +And then *sighs* to *leans over* have a wwetched puwing foow, +A-A whinying mammet, in hew fowtunye's tendew, +To answew *hugs tightly* 'I'ww nyot wed, *looks away* I cannyot wove; +*pokes you* I am too young, I pway y-you pawdon me'! +But, an you wiww nyot wed, *looks at you* I'ww pawdon y-you. +Gwaze whewe you wiww, you shaww *leans over* nyot house with me. +Wook to't, *looks at you* think o-on't; UwU I do n-nyot use t-to j-jest. +*pokes you* Thuwsday *hugs tightly* is nyeaw; way hand on heawt, *screams* advise: +An you b-be minye, I'ww give you :3 to my fwiend; +An you >_< be *cuddles you* nyot, hang, beg, stawve, die in the ;;w;; stweets, +Fow, by *twerks* my souw, I-I'ww nye'ew a-acknyowwedge thee, +Nyow what *hugs tightly* is m-minye shaww nyevew do thee good. +*looks away* Twust to't. Bethink you. :33 I'ww nyot *looks at you* be f-fowswown. Exit. +Juw. Is thewe nyo pity sitting i-in t-the cwouds +That *teleports behind you* sees into the bottom *cries* of my gwief? +O sweet my mothew, cast me nyot away! +Deway t-this >_< mawwiage fow a month, a week; +*shuffles closer* Ow if you do n-nyot, make the bwidaw bed +In that *blushes* dim monyument whewe Tybawt wies. +Wady. T-Tawk nyot to m-me, f-fow *screams* I'ww nyot speak a wowd. +Do as thou UwU wiwt, *cuddles you* fow I *giggles shyly* have donye with thee. Exit. +Juw. *cries* O *sighs* God!- O nyuwse, how shaww *looks away* this be pwevented? +My husband is o-on e-eawth, my f-faith in heaven. +How shaww that faith wetuwn again to eawth +Unwess *giggles shyly* that husband send it m-me fwom heaven +By weaving eawth? Comfowt *giggles shyly* me, counsew me. +Awack, a-awack, that heaven x3 shouwd pwactise stwatagems +^.^ Upon so s-soft a subject as m-mysewf! +What say'st thou? Hast thou nyot a wowd of joy? +Some *sweats* comfowt, nyuwse. +:33 Nyuwse. Faith, hewe it is. +Womeo is banyish'd; and a-aww the w-wowwd to nyothing +That he dawes :3 nye'ew come back to chawwenge you; +Ow if *leans over* he do, it n-nyeeds must be by *pokes you* steawth. +Then, *shuffles closer* since t-the case so stands as nyow it doth, +I think it best y-you mawwied w-with the County. +O, he's a-a wovewy *giggles shyly* gentweman! +Womeo's a-a dishcwout to him. An OwO eagwe, madam, +H-Hath nyot so *teleports behind you* gween, so quick, so f-faiw >w< an e-eye +As Pawis hath. B-Beshwew my vewy heawt, +I *looks at you* think you awe happy in t-this second m-match, +Fow it excews youw fiwst; ow if it did n-nyot, +Y-Youw >_> fiwst is dead- ^w^ ow '-'twewe as good he wewe +As wiving hewe and you n-nyo use of *looks at you* him. +J-Juw. S-Speak'st *hugs tightly* thou this *blushes* fwom thy heawt? +Nyuwse. And fwom my s-souw too; ^.^ ewse beshwew them both. +Juw. Amen! +Nyuwse. What? +J-Juw. Weww, thou hast comfowted me mawvewwous much. +*pokes you* Go >_> in; and teww my wady I am gonye, +Having dispweas'd my fathew, to *cries* Wauwence' ceww, +To m-make confession and >_< to be absowv'd. +Nyuwse. Mawwy, I wiww; and this is wisewy donye. E-Exit. +Juw. Ancient damnyation! O most wicked f-fiend! +Is it mowe sin to wish me thus *cries* fowswown, +Ow to dispwaise my >w< wowd with that same OwO tongue +^.^ Which she hath pwais'd *shuffles closer* him with above compawe +So many thousand OwO times? Go, counsewwow! +Thou and my bosom hencefowth shaww *leans over* be twain. +*hugs tightly* I'ww to the fwiaw to knyow his *blushes* wemedy. +If aww e-ewse faiw, :33 mysewf have powew to die. UwU Exit. + + + + +:33 <> + + + +ACT IV. Scenye I-I. +Fwiaw Wauwence's ceww. + +Entew Fwiaw, [Wauwence] and County Pawis. + +Fwiaw. On Thuwsday, siw? The t-time is vewy showt. +*screams* Paw. ^w^ My fathew Capuwet wiww h-have it so, +And I am nyothing swow to swack his *leans over* haste. +Fwiaw. You say you do nyot knyow the w-wady's mind. +Unyeven *looks away* is the couwse; I wike it nyot. +Paw. I-Immodewatewy she *moans* weeps fow Tybawt's death, +And thewefowe *leans over* have I-I wittwe x3 tawk'd of *cries* wove; +Fow Venyus smiwes nyot i-in a house of teaws. +Nyow, siw, hew fathew uWu counts it *moans* dangewous +T-That she do give hew sowwow so ^w^ much s-sway, +And in :3 his UwU wisdom hastes ouw mawwiage +To stop the *moans* inyundation of hew teaws, +Which, too ^.^ much minded b-by hewsewf awonye, +May *giggles shyly* be put fwom hew by society. +Nyow d-do you knyow the *moans* weason o-of this h-haste. +Fwiaw. [aside] I wouwd ^.^ I knyew nyot why *twerks* it shouwd be swow'd.- +Wook, siw, hewe comes *blushes* the w-wady towawd my ceww. + +Entew Juwiet. + +Paw. H-Happiwy *notices bulge* met, my wady OwO and ^w^ my wife! +Juw. That *blushes* may be, siw, when I *giggles shyly* may be a wife. +Paw. *looks away* That may be must be, wove, on Thuwsday nyext. +Juw. What m-must be shaww :33 be. +Fwiaw. T-That's *leans over* a cewtain text. +*giggles shyly* Paw. Come you to make confession to this fathew? +>_< Juw. To answew that, I shouwd c-confess to >_> you. +Paw. Do nyot deny to him that you wove me. +J-Juw. I-I wiww confess to you that I wove him. +Paw. So wiww ye, I am ^.^ suwe, that you w-wove me. +Juw. If I do so, i-it wiww be *leans over* of mowe pwice, +Being spoke behind youw b-back, than to youw face. +Paw. Poow s-souw, thy face is m-much abus'd with teaws. +;;w;; Juw. The teaws have got smaww victowy by that, +Fow it OwO was bad enyough befowe t-theiw spite. +:33 Paw. Thou w-wwong'st it mowe than teaws with that wepowt. +Juw. *sweats* That is n-nyo swandew, siw, which is a twuth; +A-And UwU what I spake, I >_< spake it *sighs* to my *sighs* face. +Paw. Thy f-face is minye, and thou :3 hast swand'wed it. +Juw. It may be s-so, fow it is nyot *pokes you* minye ;;w;; own. +Awe you at weisuwe, howy fathew, n-nyow, +Ow shaww I come t-to you *teleports behind you* at evenying mass +Fwiaw. *hugs tightly* My *shuffles closer* weisuwe sewves me, pensive daughtew, *notices bulge* nyow. +My wowd, we must *looks at you* entweat *blushes* the time awonye. +Paw. God shiewd I shouwd distuwb >_< devotion! +Juwiet, o-on Thuwsday e-eawwy wiww I wouse ye. +*blushes* Tiww then, >w< adieu, and keep *hugs tightly* this howy k-kiss. Exit. +Juw. O, shut the doow! and when t-thou ^.^ hast x3 donye so, +Come *giggles shyly* weep with me- past >w< hope, past cuwe, past hewp! +F-Fwiaw. Ah, Juwiet, I OwO awweady knyow thy gwief; +It stwains me past the compass of my wits. +I heaw t-thou must, and nyothing m-may pwowogue it, +On Thuwsday nyext be m-mawwied t-to t-this County. +Juw. Teww me ;;w;; nyot, fwiaw, that thou heaw'st of t-this, +Unwess thou teww me *giggles shyly* how I may pwevent it. +If in thy wisdom thou canst give nyo hewp, +Do thou *cuddles you* but caww my wesowution wise +A-And with this knyife I'ww hewp it pwesentwy. +God join'd m-my heawt and W-Womeo's, thou ouw hands; +And *sweats* ewe this hand, by >w< thee to Womeo's s-seaw'd, +Shaww ^.^ be the wabew t-to anyothew d-deed, +Ow my t-twue heawt with tweachewous wevowt +Tuwn t-to a-anyothew, this s-shaww sway them both. +Thewefowe, o-out of thy w-wong-expewienc'd time, +Give me some pwesent counsew; o-ow, behowd, +'Twixt my extwemes and m-me this bwoody knyife +S-Shaww pway the empiwe, awbitwating that +Which the ^-^ commission of thy yeaws and awt +Couwd *moans* to nyo issue *sighs* of t-twue honyouw bwing. +B-Be xDD nyot so wong to speak. I wong t-to *blushes* die +xDD If what >w< thou s-speak'st speak nyot of w-wemedy. +Fwiaw. Howd, daughtew. I do spy a kind o-of h-hope, +Which cwaves a-as despewate an execution +As that is d-despewate which :3 we wouwd pwevent. +If, wathew than to mawwy County Pawis +T-Thou h-hast the s-stwength of wiww to sway thysewf, +Then is it UwU wikewy thou wiwt undewtake +A *notices bulge* thing wike death t-to chide away this shame, +That cop'st with death himsewf to scape OwO fwom it; +A-And, *pokes you* if thou daw'st, I'ww *notices bulge* give thee wemedy. +Juw. O, b-bid me weap, wathew than mawwy P-Pawis, +Fwom off the b-battwements ;;w;; of yondew towew, +Ow wawk in thievish ways, ow bid me wuwk +*twerks* Whewe sewpents awe; chain me *looks at you* with woawing b-beaws, +Ow shut me n-nyightwy in a c-chawnyew house, +O'ewcovew'd quite with dead m-men's wattwing b-bonyes, +W-With weeky :3 shanks >_> and yewwow chapwess skuwws; +Ow bid me go into a nyew-made gwave +A-And hide me with a dead man in h-his shwoud- +Things xDD that, to heaw them towd, have OwO made me twembwe- +And I wiww do it without feaw ow doubt, +To wive an unstain'd wife t-to my :3 sweet wove. +Fwiaw. Howd, then. *notices bulge* Go home, be mewwy, give consent +To mawwy P-Pawis. *twerks* Wednyesday is to-mowwow. +To-mowwow nyight w-wook that OwO thou wie awonye; +Wet nyot the nyuwse w-wie with thee in thy chambew. +*hugs tightly* Take thou this viaw, being t-then in bed, +And this distiwwed wiquow dwink ;;w;; thou *giggles shyly* off; +When p-pwesentwy thwough a-aww thy veins shaww wun +A >_> cowd and dwowsy humouw; fow nyo puwse +Shaww keep his nyative pwogwess, but suwcease; +Nyo wawmth, nyo bweath, shaww testify t-thou wivest; +The woses *pokes you* in thy wips and cheeks shaww *notices bulge* fade +To pawy ashes, thy eyes' windows faww +Wike death when he shuts up t-the day of :3 wife; +x3 Each pawt, d-depwiv'd *hugs tightly* of suppwe *looks at you* govewnment, +>w< Shaww, stiff ;;w;; and stawk and cowd, appeaw wike death; +And in this bowwowed wikenyess of shwunk *teleports behind you* death +Thou shawt continyue two-and-fowty *teleports behind you* houws, +And then a-awake as fwom a-a pweasant sweep. +Nyow, when the bwidegwoom in the mownying comes +To wouse thee fwom thy bed, thewe *hugs tightly* awt thou d-dead. +T-Then, as the mannyew of o-ouw countwy is, +I-In ^w^ thy best wobes ^w^ uncovewed *sweats* on >_> the biew +Thou shawt be bownye t-to *teleports behind you* that same ancient vauwt +Whewe *shuffles closer* aww the kindwed ;;w;; of the Capuwets *cuddles you* wie. +In *looks away* the mean time, against thou *notices bulge* shawt awake, +Shaww W-Womeo b-by my wettews knyow ouw dwift; +And hithew UwU shaww h-he come; and he and I +Wiww watch thy waking, and >_> that ^w^ vewy nyight +Shaww Womeo beaw *shuffles closer* thee hence to M-Mantua. +And this shaww fwee thee fwom this pwesent s-shame, +If nyo inconstant toy nyow *looks at you* womanyish feaw +*cries* Abate thy vawouw i-in the a-acting it. +Juw. Give m-me, ^-^ give me! O, teww *blushes* nyot me of feaw! +Fwiaw. Howd! Get you gonye, be stwong and p-pwospewous +In this w-wesowve. >_< I'ww send a fwiaw with speed +To Mantua, with my w-wettews to thy *screams* wowd. +Juw. Wove give *moans* me stwength! and stwength *twerks* shaww hewp affowd. +Faweweww, d-deaw fathew. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +Capuwet's house. + +Entew F-Fathew Capuwet, x3 Mothew, Nyuwse, and Sewvingmen, +two ow thwee. + +Cap. So many guests invite *sweats* as hewe awe wwit. +[-[Exit a Sewvingman.] +:3 Siwwah, g-go hiwe ^-^ me twenty cunnying cooks. +Sewv. You shaww h-have nyonye iww, siw; fow I'ww twy if they can OwO wick +t-theiw fingews. +Cap. How canst thou twy them s-so? +Sewv. *sweats* Mawwy, siw, '-'tis an i-iww cook that cannyot wick his *looks away* own +f-fingews. *moans* Thewefowe he t-that OwO cannyot wick h-his fingews g-goes nyot *looks away* with +me. +C-Cap. Go, begonye. +E-Exit Sewvingman. +*looks at you* We shaww be much unfuwnyish'd ^.^ fow this time. +What, is m-my daughtew gonye to Fwiaw *sweats* Wauwence? +Nyuwse. Ay, fowsooth. +Cap. Weww, be may c-chance to do some good on *sighs* hew. +:33 A peevish s-sewf-wiww'd h-hawwotwy *pokes you* it is. + +E-Entew Juwiet. + +Nyuwse. See whewe x3 she *notices bulge* comes fwom s-shwift with *cries* mewwy wook. +Cap. How nyow, my headstwong? Whewe have you been gadding? +J-Juw. >_< Whewe I have *shuffles closer* weawnt me t-to wepent the sin +*looks away* Of disobedient opposition +To you and youw behests, and *moans* am enjoin'd +By howy Wauwence to f-faww *screams* pwostwate hewe +To >_< beg *cries* youw pawdon. Pawdon, I beseech you! +Hencefowwawd I OwO am evew w-wuw'd by you. +Cap. Send :33 fow the County. *twerks* Go teww h-him o-of this. +I'ww have this knyot knyit u-up t-to-mowwow mownying. +Juw. I m-met *looks away* the youthfuw wowd uWu at Wauwence' ceww +And gave him what becomed wove I might, +Nyot stepping o'ew the bounds of modesty. +Cap. Why, :33 I ^-^ am ;;w;; gwad on't. This >_< is weww. Stand up. +This is as't shouwd :3 be. Wet me see the County. +Ay, mawwy, go, I say, >_> and f-fetch *giggles shyly* him hithew. +Nyow, afowe God, this wevewend howy fwiaw, +A-Aww ouw whowe city *giggles shyly* is much b-bound to him. +Juw. Nyuwse, wiww you go with me into my *looks away* cwoset +To hewp me sowt such nyeedfuw ownyaments +A-As you think fit to f-fuwnyish me to-mowwow? +^-^ Mothew. Nyo, *hugs tightly* nyot tiww Thuwsday. Thewe is time :33 enyough. +Cap. Go, *notices bulge* nyuwse, go with hew. We'ww to chuwch to-mowwow. +Exeunt Juwiet and *blushes* Nyuwse. +Mothew. We shaww be showt in ouw pwovision. +'Tis ;;w;; nyow nyeaw *notices bulge* nyight. +Cap. Tush, I wiww UwU stiw about, +*notices bulge* And aww things shaww be weww, I-I wawwant thee, wife. +Go thou to Juwiet, hewp to d-deck up hew. +I'ww nyot :3 to bed to-nyight; w-wet *giggles shyly* me awonye. +I'ww *pokes you* pway *leans over* the h-housewife fow ^-^ this once. What, *sighs* ho! +They awe aww fowth; weww, I wiww wawk mysewf +To County Pawis, to pwepawe him *blushes* up +Against to-mowwow. My heawt is wondwous wight, +Since this same waywawd giww is so wecwaim'd. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye III. +Juwiet's chambew. + +E-Entew Juwiet xDD and Nyuwse. + +Juw. Ay, those attiwes a-awe best; but, gentwe n-nyuwse, +I pway thee weave me to m-mysewf *pokes you* to-nyight; +Fow I have nyeed *giggles shyly* of many owisons +To move the heavens *moans* to smiwe >_> upon my state, +*blushes* Which, weww thou knyowest, is cwoss and f-fuww of sin. + +Entew Mothew. + +Mothew. What, awe you busy, *looks away* ho? Nyeed you my *twerks* hewp? +Juw. :33 Nyo, madam; we have cuww'd such nyecessawies +As ^-^ awe behooffuww fow ouw state to-mowwow. +So pwease you, wet me nyow be weft awonye, +And *giggles shyly* wet the n-nyuwse this nyight sit up *looks at you* with you; +F-Fow I am suwe y-you OwO have youw hands f-fuww aww +In xDD this so sudden businyess. +Mothew. Good *blushes* nyight. +Get thee to bed, :3 and west; fow thou hast nyeed. +Exeunt [Mothew and Nyuwse.] +J-Juw. Faweweww! God knyows when we shaww meet *moans* again. +I have a faint cowd feaw thwiwws thwough my veins +That awmost UwU fweezes up the heat ^-^ of wife. +I'ww caww them back again *twerks* to c-comfowt me. +Nyuwse!- W-What s-shouwd she do hewe? +My d-dismaw scenye I n-nyeeds must act *looks away* awonye. +*twerks* Come, viaw. +What if t-this mixtuwe d-do nyot wowk at aww? +Shaww I be mawwied then t-to-mowwow mownying? +Nyo, Nyo! This shaww fowbid i-it. Wie t-thou t-thewe. +W-Ways *cuddles you* down a daggew. +What if it be a poison which >w< the fwiaw +Subtiwwy hath minyist'wed to have me dead, +West in this mawwiage xDD he UwU shouwd be d-dishonyouw'd +Because *shuffles closer* he mawwied >_> me befowe x3 to Womeo? +I-I feaw >w< it is; and yet methinks it shouwd nyot, +>_> Fow he hath s-stiww been t-twied a howy man. +I wiww n-nyot entewtain so bad a thought. +How if, UwU when I am waid into xDD the tomb, +I wake befowe the time that Womeo +Come to wedeem me? T-Thewe's *leans over* a feawfuw point! +*giggles shyly* Shaww I *moans* nyot then b-be stifwed in the vauwt, +To whose fouw mouth *leans over* nyo heawthsome aiw b-bweathes *hugs tightly* in, +A-And thewe die UwU stwangwed e-ewe my Womeo c-comes? +Ow, if I wive, is it nyot vewy :3 wike +The howwibwe ^-^ conceit of death and nyight, +Togethew with the :3 tewwow o-of the pwace- +As in *moans* a v-vauwt, a-an >_< ancient weceptacwe +Whewe fow this many hundwed yeaws the bonyes +Of OwO aww *notices bulge* my buwied ancestows uWu awe pack'd; +Whewe bwoody T-Tybawt, yet but gween *cuddles you* in eawth, +Wies fest'wing i-in his shwoud; :3 whewe, as they say, +A-At some houws in the nyight spiwits wesowt- +Awack, awack, is it nyot wike that I, +So eawwy waking- what with woathsome smewws, +A-And shwieks wike mandwakes town out of the eawth, +That w-wiving mowtaws, heawing t-them, wun mad- +O, if I wake, shaww >w< I nyot be distwaught, +E-Enviwonyed with aww these h-hideous feaws, +And madwy p-pway with my fowefathews' joints, +And pwuck the mangwed Tybawt fwom h-his shwoud., +And, i-in this wage, w-with some gweat k-kinsman's bonye +>_> As *moans* with a cwub dash o-out my *blushes* desp'wate bwains? +O, w-wook! >w< methinks *notices bulge* I see my cousin's ghost +Seeking out W-Womeo, that *notices bulge* did spit his *screams* body +Upon a-a wapiew's point. Stay, Tybawt, *leans over* stay! +Womeo, I come! this do I dwink to thee. + +She [dwinks and] fawws upon hew *teleports behind you* bed *looks away* within the cuwtains. + + + + +Scenye IV. +Capuwet's house. + +Entew Wady of the House and Nyuwse. + +Wady. Howd, take these ^.^ keys and fetch mowe *pokes you* spices, nyuwse. +Nyuwse. They caww fow dates and quinces in the pastwy. + +*sighs* Entew O-Owd C-Capuwet. + +Cap. Come, stiw, stiw, stiw! uWu The *leans over* second cock hath >_< cwow'd, +The cuwfew beww hath wung, 'tis thwee o'cwock. +Wook to the bak'd meats, good Angewica; +Spawe nyot *sweats* fow cost. +Nyuwse. *shuffles closer* Go, you cot-quean, g-go, +Get you to bed! Faith, you'ww be sick to-mowwow +Fow this nyight's watching. +C-Cap. Nyo, nyot a *pokes you* whit. What, ^.^ I have watch'd ewe nyow +Aww nyight fow *shuffles closer* wessew cause, and nye'ew been sick. +Wady. Ay, you have been a >w< mouse-hunt in y-youw time; +But I wiww watch you fwom ^-^ such w-watching nyow. +*pokes you* Exeunt Wady and Nyuwse. +Cap. A jeawous hood, >_> a jeawous hood! + +Entew *blushes* thwee ow fouw x3 [Fewwows, with spits and wogs and baskets. + +What is thewe? Nyow, fewwow, +Fewwow. Things fow *looks away* the *hugs tightly* cook, siw; but I knyow nyot what. +Cap. Make haste, make haste. [Exit Fewwow.] Siwwah, fetch dwiew +wogs. +C-Caww Petew; he wiww show t-thee whewe they awe. +Fewwow. I have a head, siw, t-that wiww find *cuddles you* out *leans over* wogs +And uWu nyevew twoubwe *leans over* Petew fow the *cries* mattew. +Cap. Mass, and weww s-said; a m-mewwy whoweson, ha! +Thou shawt be woggewhead. [Exit Fewwow.] Good f-faith, 'tis day. +The County wiww be h-hewe with *screams* music stwaight, +Fow so he said he wouwd. Pway *moans* music. +I heaw him nyeaw. +Nyuwse! Wife! :33 What, ho! What, nyuwse, I-I say! + +Entew Nyuwse. +Go w-waken *giggles shyly* Juwiet; *cries* go and ;;w;; twim hew up. +I'ww uWu go and chat with P-Pawis. >w< Hie, *hugs tightly* make haste, +Make haste! T-The bwidegwoom *looks away* he is come *shuffles closer* awweady: +*leans over* Make haste, I say. +[Exeunt.] + + + + +Scenye *blushes* V. +J-Juwiet's chambew. + +[Entew Nyuwse.] + +Nyuwse. Mistwess! what, mistwess! Juwiet! Fast, I wawwant hew, she. +Why, wamb! *hugs tightly* why, wady! Fie, you swug-abed! +Why, wove, I say! madam! sweetheawt! Why, bwide! +What, *teleports behind you* nyot a ;;w;; wowd? Y-You take youw pennywowths nyow! +Sweep fow a-a week; fow t-the nyext nyight, I *giggles shyly* wawwant, +The County Pawis hath s-set up his west +That you shaww *notices bulge* west >_> but *teleports behind you* wittwe. >_< God fowgive m-me! +Mawwy, and amen. How sound is she asweep! +>_> I nyeeds m-must w-wake hew. Madam, madam, madam! +;;w;; Ay, wet the xDD County take y-you in youw bed! +He'ww fwight y-you up, i' faith. Wiww it nyot be? +[-[Dwaws aside the UwU cuwtains.] +*leans over* What, *hugs tightly* dwess'd, and in youw ^w^ cwothes, and down again? +^-^ I must n-nyeeds wake you. Wady! wady! wady! +Awas, awas! Hewp, hewp! My wady's >w< dead! +O wewaday that evew *sighs* I was bown! +Some *shuffles closer* aqua-vitae, ho! My w-wowd! :3 my wady! + +Entew Mothew. + +Mothew. What OwO nyoise is *twerks* hewe? +Nyuwse. O wamentabwe day! +Mothew. What is the ^w^ mattew? +Nyuwse. Wook, wook! O *leans over* heavy day! +Mothew. O me, O me! My *teleports behind you* chiwd, *twerks* my o-onwy x3 wife! +Wevive, wook up, ow I wiww die w-with thee! +*sweats* Hewp, hewp! Caww hewp. + +Entew F-Fathew. + +Fathew. Fow shame, bwing Juwiet fowth; *looks at you* hew wowd *hugs tightly* is come. +Nyuwse. >w< She's d-dead, *giggles shyly* deceas'd; she's dead! Awack the day! +Mothew. Awack *looks away* the day, s-she's dead, she's dead, :33 she's dead! +Cap. Ha! w-wet me see hew. Out awas! she's cowd, +Hew bwood i-is *looks away* settwed, x3 and hew joints awe stiff; +Wife and these wips >_> have wong b-been sepawated. +Death w-wies on h-hew wike an untimewy fwost +Upon the sweetest fwowew of aww the fiewd. +Nyuwse. O wamentabwe day! +M-Mothew. O wofuw time! +Cap. Death, *twerks* that hath ta'en hew hence to make me w-waiw, +Ties up my tongue and wiww >_< nyot wet me speak. + +Entew F-Fwiaw [Wauwence] and the County >w< [Pawis], *twerks* with Musicians. + +*moans* Fwiaw. C-Come, is the b-bwide weady to go t-to :33 chuwch? +Cap. W-Weady to go, but nyevew t-to wetuwn. +O son, the nyight befowe thy wedding day +Hath Death wain with thy wife. See, thewe she wies, +Fwowew as she was, *giggles shyly* defwowewed by him. +Death i-is >_< my son-in-waw, *hugs tightly* Death is my heiw; +My daughtew he hath OwO wedded. I wiww die +And weave him aww. Wife, wiving, a-aww is D-Death's. +*teleports behind you* Paw. Have I-I thought *hugs tightly* wong to s-see t-this mownying's *pokes you* face, +*sweats* And doth i-it give me such a sight as this? +M-Mothew. Accuws'd, unhappy, *cuddles you* wwetched, hatefuw day! +Most misewabwe ^w^ houw that e'ew time saw +*looks at you* In wasting wabouw *cries* of his piwgwimage! +But onye, x3 poow *shuffles closer* onye, o-onye poow and UwU woving chiwd, +But onye thing to wejoice and sowace in, +>_> And cwuew Death h-hath catch'd it fwom uWu my sight! +Nyuwse. O woe? O wofuw, wofuw, wofuw *moans* day! +M-Most w-wamentabwe day, most wofuw day +That evew evew I did yet behowd! +O d-day! O day! O day! O hatefuw *pokes you* day! +Nyevew *sighs* was *shuffles closer* seen so bwack a day as t-this. +O-O wofuw day! O wofuw day! +Paw. Beguiw'd, divowced, wwonged, spited, s-swain! +Most detestabwe *giggles shyly* Death, b-by thee beguiw'd, +By cwuew UwU cwuew thee quite *cuddles you* ovewthwown! +O w-wove! >_< O *sighs* wife! n-nyot wife, b-but wove in UwU death +Cap. Despis'd, distwessed, hated, mawtyw'd, kiww'd! +Uncomfowtabwe time, why cam'st thou nyow +To muwthew, muwthew ouw sowemnyity? +O chiwd! O chiwd! my souw, and nyot my chiwd! +*pokes you* Dead awt thou, OwO dead! UwU awack, my chiwd i-is dead, +And with my chiwd my joys ;;w;; awe buwied! +Fwiaw. Peace, >w< ho, fow shame! :3 Confusion's cuwe wives nyot +I-In these confusions. Heaven a-and youwsewf +Had pawt in this faiw m-maid! nyow h-heaven h-hath aww, +And aww the bettew is it >_< fow the m-maid. +Youw :33 pawt i-in uWu hew you c-couwd nyot keep fwom death, +But heaven keeps his pawt in etewnyaw wife. +The most *blushes* you *cuddles you* sought was hew pwomotion, +Fow 'twas youw h-heaven she *cries* shouwd be advanc'd; +And w-weep ye nyow, seeing she is advanc'd +A-Above the cwouds, as high as UwU heaven itsewf? +O, in this wove, x3 you >_< wove y-youw chiwd so *looks away* iww +That you wun mad, ^w^ seeing that she is weww. +She's nyot weww mawwied *looks away* that wives mawwied wong, +But she's best mawwied *teleports behind you* that dies mawwied young. +Dwy up youw teaws and stick youw wosemawy +On UwU this faiw c-cowse, and, as t-the custom is, +In aww h-hew best awway beaw *looks at you* hew to c-chuwch; +Fow though fond nyatuwe *hugs tightly* bids us aww wament, +Yet nyatuwe's ^.^ teaws awe weason's m-mewwiment. +Cap. Aww things that we owdainyed festivaw +Tuwn fwom theiw office to bwack funyewaw- +O-Ouw instwuments to mewanchowy bewws, +O-Ouw wedding cheew *twerks* to a sad buwiaw feast; +Ouw sowemn hymns t-to s-suwwen d-diwges change; +Ouw bwidaw fwowews sewve fow a buwied *moans* cowse; +And aww >w< things change them OwO to the c-contwawy. +F-Fwiaw. Siw, g-go you in; and, madam, go with *looks away* him; +A-And go, S-Siw P-Pawis. Evewy onye pwepawe +To fowwow this faiw *giggles shyly* cowse ^-^ unto hew gwave. +The ^-^ heavens d-do wow'w *sighs* upon y-you :33 fow s-some iww; +Move them nyo m-mowe by cwossing theiw h-high wiww. +Exeunt. Manyent Musicians [and Nyuwse]. +1. Mus. F-Faith, *looks away* we may put up ouw pipes *sighs* and be gonye. +Nyuwse. Honyest good OwO fewwows, ah, p-put up, p-put *looks away* up! +Fow weww you knyow this is a-a pitifuw case. >w< [Exit.] +1-1. :33 Mus. Ay, by my twoth, the case may be amended. + +E-Entew Petew. + +P-Pet. Musicians, O, musicians, 'Heawt's ease,' 'Heawt's ease'! +O, an you wiww have me wive, *teleports behind you* pway '-'Heawt's ease.' +*screams* 1. Mus. Why 'Heawt's ease'', +Pet. O, musicians, because m-my heawt itsewf pways 'My heawt is fuww +of woe.' >_< O, pway me some *teleports behind you* mewwy dump to comfowt me. +1. *twerks* Mus. Nyot a dump we! 'Tis nyo t-time *sweats* to p-pway nyow. +Pet. You wiww xDD nyot then? +1-1. Mus. Nyo. +Pet. I wiww then give it UwU you s-soundwy. +1. *pokes you* Mus. W-What wiww you give u-us? +Pet. Nyo monyey, o-on my faith, but the gweek. I wiww g-give you t-the +minstwew. +1. Mus. Then wiww I give you the sewving-cweatuwe. +*sweats* Pet. Then wiww I way the sewving-cweatuwe's daggew on youw pate. +I w-wiww c-cawwy nyo cwotchets. I'ww we you, I-I'ww fa ^-^ you. Do you n-nyote +me? +1. Mus. *shuffles closer* An you :33 we us and ^w^ fa *shuffles closer* us, you nyote us. +2. Mus. Pway you put up *giggles shyly* youw daggew, and p-put out youw w-wit. +Pet. Then :3 have at you with my wit! *sweats* I wiww dwy-beat you with an iwon +wit, *looks at you* and put up :3 my iwon daggew. Answew m-me wike men. + +'When *twerks* gwiping gwief the heawt doth wound, +A-And dowefuw *sighs* dumps the *sweats* mind oppwess, +Then music w-with hew siwvew *moans* sound'- + +W-Why 'siwvew sound'? Why *cuddles you* 'music with hew siwvew sound'? +xDD What say you, Simon Catwing? +1. Mus. Mawwy, siw, because siwvew hath a sweet sound. +Pet. *notices bulge* Pwetty! What say You, Hugh Webeck? +2. M-Mus. I say 'siwvew sound' because musicians sound fow siwvew. +Pet. uWu Pwetty too! What say you, James Soundpost? +3. M-Mus. F-Faith, I knyow nyot w-what to say. +Pet. O, I cwy you *sweats* mewcy! you awe *screams* the singew. I wiww s-say fow you. It +i-is 'music with hew siwvew sound' x3 because xDD musicians h-have n-nyo gowd +*leans over* fow sounding. + +'Then music with hew siwvew sound +With speedy hewp doth wend wedwess.' [Exit. + +1. Mus. What a pestiwent knyave is this *blushes* same? +2. Mus. Hang *hugs tightly* him, Jack! Come, we'ww in hewe, tawwy *notices bulge* fow the +mouwnyews, and stay dinnyew. +Exeunt. + + + + +<> + + + +ACT xDD V. Scenye I. +Mantua. A stweet. + +Entew Womeo. + +Wom. If I may *leans over* twust the fwattewing twuth o-of *cuddles you* sweep +My dweams pwesage some joyfuw nyews at h-hand. +My bosom's wowd sits wightwy i-in h-his thwonye, +And a-aww this d-day an unyaccustom'd spiwit +W-Wifts *teleports behind you* me above the g-gwound with cheewfuw t-thoughts. +I-I dweamt m-my wady came a-and found me dead +(Stwange d-dweam that g-gives a dead man *leans over* weave to think!) +And bweath'd such wife with kisses in my wips +*looks away* That I weviv'd uWu and was an empewow. +Ah ^.^ me! how sweet is wove itsewf possess'd, +When but wove's shadows awe so w-wich in joy! + +Entew Womeo's Man Bawthasaw, :3 booted. + +Nyews fwom Vewonya! How nyow, Bawthasaw? +Dost thou nyot bwing me w-wettews fwom the fwiaw? +*cuddles you* How doth my wady? *teleports behind you* Is my fathew w-weww? +How fawes xDD my >_< Juwiet? That I ask again, +Fow >_< nyothing can >_> be iww if she b-be weww. +Man. *giggles shyly* Then she is weww, and n-nyothing *cuddles you* can be iww. +Hew body sweeps i-in Capew's monyument, +And hew uWu immowtaw pawt w-with angews wives. +I *leans over* saw hew uWu waid wow >_> in hew kindwed's *pokes you* vauwt +And pwesentwy took *giggles shyly* post to teww it you. +O, *giggles shyly* pawdon me fow bwinging these iww nyews, +Since you *leans over* did weave it fow my office, :3 siw. +Wom. *moans* Is it e'en so? Then I defy you, staws! +Thou knyowest my wodging. Get me i-ink and p-papew +*teleports behind you* And hiwe p-posthowses. I-I wiww hence *looks at you* to-nyight. +M-Man. *screams* I do b-beseech you, >_> siw, have patience. +*leans over* Youw w-wooks a-awe pawe and *sighs* wiwd and do impowt +Some misadventuwe. +Wom. Tush, thou a-awt deceiv'd. +Weave m-me and :33 do the thing I *twerks* bid thee do. +Hast thou nyo wettews to me fwom the fwiaw? +Man. ^-^ Nyo, my good wowd. +Wom. Nyo mattew. Get thee gonye +And hiwe ^w^ those howses. I'ww be with thee stwaight. +Exit [Bawthasaw]. +Weww, Juwiet, I wiww wie with t-thee to-nyight. +Wet's see fow m-means. O m-mischief, thou :33 awt swift +OwO To entew in the thoughts o-of despewate men! +I do wemembew an >_< apothecawy, +And heweabouts 'a d-dwewws, w-which wate I nyoted +In t-tatt'wed w-weeds, with ovewwhewming bwows, +Cuwwing *pokes you* of simpwes. Meagwe wewe his wooks, +Shawp misewy :33 had wown him to the ^-^ bonyes; +And in his *hugs tightly* nyeedy shop ^-^ a t-towtoise hung, +An awwigatow stuff'd, and othew xDD skins +Of iww-shaped fishes; and about his shewves +*screams* A *giggles shyly* beggawwy account of e-empty boxes, +Gween eawthen pots, bwaddews, and musty s-seeds, +Wemnyants of packthwead, and owd cakes of woses +Wewe xDD thinwy scattewed, to ;;w;; make up a show. +Nyoting this p-penyuwy, to mysewf I said, +'An if a man did nyeed *giggles shyly* a poison nyow +Whose sawe is pwesent death in Mantua, +uWu Hewe wives a caitiff wwetch wouwd seww it him.' +O, this same thought did but fowewun my nyeed, +And this s-same nyeedy man must seww it m-me. +A-As I wemembew, this shouwd be the house. +Being howiday, the beggaw's shop is ^w^ shut. W-What, ho! *screams* apothecawy! + +Entew *blushes* Apothecawy. + +Apoth. Who cawws so w-woud? +Wom. C-Come h-hithew, m-man. I see *shuffles closer* that thou *cuddles you* awt poow. +Howd, thewe is fowty d-ducats. Wet m-me h-have +A-A dwam ;;w;; of poison, such soon-speeding geaw +As wiww dispewse itsewf x3 thwough aww t-the veins +uWu That >w< the wife-weawy >w< takew maww faww dead, +And that the twunk m-may be *looks away* dischawg'd of ^w^ bweath +As viowentwy *sweats* as hasty powdew fiw'd +Doth huwwy fwom the f-fataw cannyon's womb. +Apoth. Such mowtaw dwugs I have; but Mantua's waw +Is death to any he *cries* that uttews them. +W-Wom. A-Awt t-thou so b-bawe and fuww of wwetchednyess +;;w;; And feawest to *hugs tightly* die? Faminye ;;w;; is in thy cheeks, +Nyeed and oppwession stawveth *pokes you* in thinye eyes, +Contempt *looks at you* and beggawy hangs upon thy back: +The wowwd is *shuffles closer* nyot thy *sweats* fwiend, nyow OwO the wowwd's waw; +>w< The *teleports behind you* wowwd affowds nyo x3 waw to make thee w-wich; +*moans* Then be nyot poow, *notices bulge* but bweak it and take this. +*sweats* Apoth. My povewty but nyot m-my wiww consents. +Wom. I pay thy ^w^ povewty a-and nyot thy wiww. +Apoth. *pokes you* Put this in x3 any w-wiquid thing you wiww +And dwink it off, and *blushes* if you had the stwength +>w< Of twenty men, *screams* it wouwd dispatch *cuddles you* you stwaight. +Wom. Thewe is t-thy *sweats* gowd- uWu wowse poison to men's souws, +Doing m-mowe muwthew in this woathsome wowwd, +Than these poow c-compounds that thou mayst nyot seww. +I seww thee poison; thou hast s-sowd me nyonye. +*sighs* Faweweww. ;;w;; Buy food and get thysewf in fwesh. +C-Come, cowdiaw and nyot poison, go w-with me +To Juwiet's ^w^ gwave; fow thewe UwU must I use thee. +^w^ Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +Vewonya. Fwiaw Wauwence's c-ceww. + +Entew Fwiaw John t-to Fwiaw Wauwence. + +John. Howy F-Fwanciscan fwiaw, bwothew, ho! + +Entew Fwiaw Wauwence. + +Wauw. This same shouwd be the voice of F-Fwiaw John. +*blushes* Wewcome fwom xDD Mantua. *cries* What says Womeo? +Ow, if his mind x3 be wwit, give me his wettew. +John. G-Going to find a bawefoot bwothew out, +Onye of ouw owdew, to associate xDD me +Hewe in this city v-visiting the sick, +And finding him, the seawchews of the *moans* town, +Suspecting that we both wewe in a house +Whewe the infectious p-pestiwence did w-weign, +Seaw'd up the doows, a-and >w< wouwd nyot wet us fowth, +So that my speed to *looks away* Mantua thewe was stay'd. +Wauw. Who bawe my wettew, t-then, to ;;w;; Womeo? +John. *hugs tightly* I couwd nyot send it- hewe it >_> is again- +Nyow get a m-messengew *teleports behind you* to bwing it thee, +S-So feawfuw w-wewe they of infection. +Wauw. *looks away* Unhappy fowtunye! *leans over* By my bwothewhood, +The wettew was nyot nyice, but f-fuww of chawge, +Of deaw impowt; ^-^ and the nyegwecting it +May *notices bulge* do much dangew. :33 Fwiaw John, go hence, +Get me *sighs* an *pokes you* iwon ;;w;; cwow and bwing it *moans* stwaight +Unto my ceww. +*sighs* John. Bwothew, I'ww :33 go and bwing it t-thee. Exit. +Wauw. Nyow, must I to the monyument awonye. +Within this thwee houws wiww faiw Juwiet wake. +She wiww beshwew me much that Womeo +Hath h-had *moans* nyo nyotice of these accidents; +B-But I wiww w-wwite again t-to Mantua, +And keep *leans over* hew at my c-ceww tiww Womeo *sweats* come- +Poow w-wiving cowse, *teleports behind you* cwos'd i-in a dead man's tomb! E-Exit. + + + + +*screams* Scenye III. +Vewonya. OwO A chuwchyawd; in it the xDD monyument of the Capuwets. + +Entew Pawis *pokes you* and *twerks* his Page with *looks away* fwowews and [a t-towch]. + +Paw. Give me *giggles shyly* thy t-towch, boy. Hence, and stand awoof. +Yet put it out, fow I wouwd nyot be >_< seen. +Undew yond yew twee way thee aww awong, +;;w;; Howding thinye e-eaw cwose to the howwow gwound. +So shaww nyo foot upon the c-chuwchyawd twead +(Being w-woose, ^-^ unfiwm, with digging up of gwaves) +But thou shawt heaw >_> it. W-Whistwe t-then to me, +A-As ^-^ signyaw that thou heaw'st something appwoach. +*cries* Give me those fwowews. Do as I bid thee, go. +P-Page. *teleports behind you* [aside] I am awmost *sweats* afwaid to stand awonye +H-Hewe in t-the chuwchyawd; yet I-I wiww adventuwe. [Wetiwes.] +*looks away* Paw. Sweet *looks at you* fwowew, with fwowews *teleports behind you* thy bwidaw bed I stwew +(O woe! x3 thy canyopy *leans over* is dust and stonyes) +Which *looks at you* with sweet watew nyightwy I wiww dew; +Ow, wanting that, with teaws distiww'd by *leans over* moans. +xDD The obsequies that I fow t-thee w-wiww keep +N-Nyightwy shaww be to stwew, thy UwU gwave and weep. +^.^ Whistwe Boy. +The boy UwU gives wawnying something doth UwU appwoach. +W-What cuwsed foot uWu wandews t-this way to-nyight +To cwoss my obsequies and twue wove's wite? +What, with a towch? M-Muffwe ^.^ me, nyight, awhiwe. [Wetiwes.] + +Entew *twerks* Womeo, >_< and *shuffles closer* Bawthasaw with a t-towch, a mattock, +and a *cries* cwow of iwon. + +Wom. Give >_> me that mattock and the *screams* wwenching *hugs tightly* iwon. +Howd, *sighs* take this wettew. Eawwy in the mownying +See *notices bulge* thou dewivew it t-to my wowd and f-fathew. +Give me the wight. Upon thy wife I *sweats* chawge thee, +Whate'ew thou heawest *pokes you* ow seest, stand *cries* aww awoof +x3 And do *cries* nyot intewwupt me in my couwse. +Why I descend into this bed *sighs* of death +^-^ Is pawtwy to behowd my wady's face, +But chiefwy to take thence fwom *blushes* hew dead fingew +A pwecious OwO wing- a wing that I must use +In >w< deaw empwoyment. *teleports behind you* Thewefowe hence, >_< be gonye. +But if thou, jeawous, dost wetuwn to pwy +In *hugs tightly* what I fawthew shaww intend ^-^ to do, +By heaven, *teleports behind you* I wiww ^-^ teaw thee joint by joint +And stwew this hungwy chuwchyawd with >_> thy wimbs. +T-The t-time and my i-intents awe s-savage-wiwd, +Mowe fiewce *looks at you* and mowe OwO inyexowabwe faw +uWu Than empty *screams* tigews ow the w-woawing sea. +B-Baw. I wiww be gonye, siw, and nyot t-twoubwe *teleports behind you* you. +Wom. So shawt t-thou :33 show me fwiendship. Take thou that. +Wive, a-and be pwospewous; a-and f-faweweww, good fewwow. +Baw. [aside] Fow a-aww this same, I'ww h-hide me heweabout. +His *cries* wooks I feaw, *pokes you* and his intents I d-doubt. [Wetiwes.] +Wom. Thou detestabwe *sighs* maw, thou womb *screams* of death, +Gowg'd w-with the *giggles shyly* deawest mowsew of the eawth, +*notices bulge* Thus I *leans over* enfowce thy *sweats* wotten *blushes* jaws to o-open, +And in despite I'ww cwam thee with mowe food. +Womeo ^.^ opens ;;w;; the tomb. +Paw. This x3 is t-that banyish'd haughty ;;w;; Montague +That muwd'wed my uWu wove's cousin- with which gwief +It is supposed the faiw cweatuwe died- +A-And h-hewe is come to do some viwwanyous shame +To the dead bodies. I wiww appwehend *looks at you* him. +S-Stop thy u-unhawwowed toiw, viwe Montague! +Can vengeance be puwsu'd ;;w;; fuwthew *moans* than death? +Condemnyed v-viwwain, I do appwehend *leans over* thee. +Obey, and go with me; fow t-thou *leans over* must die. +Wom. uWu I must indeed; a-and thewefowe came *screams* I hithew. +Good gentwe youth, tempt nyot a desp'wate man. +Fwy hence and *teleports behind you* weave me. Think upon t-these g-gonye; +Wet x3 them *cries* affwight thee. I beseech thee, youth, +But nyot anyothew *looks at you* sin upon :3 my head +By uwging :3 me to fuwy. *hugs tightly* O, be gonye! +By h-heaven, *looks away* I wove thee bettew than mysewf, +Fow >w< I *cuddles you* come hithew awm'd a-against mysewf. +*notices bulge* Stay n-nyot, be g-gonye. Wive, and heweaftew x3 say +A-A madman's *shuffles closer* mewcy bid thee wun away. +*leans over* Paw. *moans* I *sweats* do defy >_> thy, conjuwation +And a-appwehend thee fow a fewon hewe. +Wom. *giggles shyly* Wiwt thou pwovoke me? Then have at thee, boy! +They fight. +Page. O >_> Wowd, they fight! I wiww go OwO caww the watch. +[Exit. Pawis f-fawws.] +Paw. O-O, I a-am s-swain! If thou be m-mewcifuw, +Open the *blushes* tomb, way me with J-Juwiet. *teleports behind you* [Dies.] +Wom. In f-faith, I >w< wiww. Wet me p-pewuse this *cries* face. +Mewcutio's kinsman, nyobwe County UwU Pawis! +What *cuddles you* said my man when my *leans over* betossed souw +Did nyot attend h-him as we *screams* wode? I t-think +uWu He towd me Pawis s-shouwd have :33 mawwied *leans over* Juwiet. +Said he n-nyot so? ow did I dweam it so? +O-Ow *leans over* am I mad, heawing him ^.^ tawk of *shuffles closer* Juwiet +To think it was so? O, give me thy hand, +Onye wwit with *cries* me ^-^ in souw misfowtunye's ^-^ book! +I'ww buwy thee in a twiumphant gwave. +A gwave? O, nyo, a wanthown, swaught'wed youth, +Fow hewe wies Juwiet, a-and *pokes you* hew beauty makes +T-This vauwt a feasting pwesence fuww of wight. +Death, *giggles shyly* wie thou thewe, by a dead man inteww'd. +[Ways ;;w;; him i-in the t-tomb.] +*pokes you* How oft when men *shuffles closer* awe at the point of death +Have they been mewwy! which t-theiw keepews caww +A wightnying befowe death. O, how may I +Caww *blushes* this a >_< wightnying? O my wove! m-my wife! +Death, x3 that hath suck'd >_> the honyey o-of >w< thy bweath, +Hath h-had nyo powew yet upon thy beauty. +OwO Thou awt nyot conquew'd. Beauty's ensign yet +Is *teleports behind you* cwimson in thy wips and *looks away* in thy xDD cheeks, +And death's *notices bulge* pawe ;;w;; fwag is nyot a-advanced thewe. +Tybawt, wiest thou thewe in thy bwoody sheet? +O, >_< what mowe f-favouw can I *notices bulge* do to thee +Than with that hand that cut thy youth i-in twain +To sundew his that was thinye enyemy? +*blushes* Fowgive me, cousin.' A-Ah, deaw Juwiet, +Why awt thou yet so faiw? Shaww I ;;w;; bewieve +That *cuddles you* unsubstantiaw Death is amowous, +And t-that the wean abhowwed monstew k-keeps +Thee hewe *teleports behind you* in dawk t-to *pokes you* be his pawamouw? +Fow feaw of that *twerks* I stiww wiww stay with thee +And nyevew *looks away* fwom this pawace of dim nyight +Depawt uWu again. Hewe, h-hewe wiww I-I w-wemain +With wowms that awe t-thy *pokes you* chambewmaids. O, hewe +Wiww I-I set up m-my evewwasting w-west +And shake the yoke *shuffles closer* of inyauspicious staws +F-Fwom this wowwd-weawied fwesh. Eyes, wook youw w-wast! +Awms, take *cries* youw wast embwace! and, wips, O-O you +The doows of bweath, seaw with a wighteous kiss +A ^.^ datewess *cries* bawgain to engwossing death! +Come, bittew conduct; UwU come, u-unsavouwy guide! +Thou d-despewate piwot, nyow *hugs tightly* at once wun on +The dashing wocks *twerks* thy seasick weawy bawk! +Hewe's t-to my wove! [Dwinks.] O twue a-apothecawy! +Thy d-dwugs awe quick. Thus with a kiss I die. Fawws. + +Entew ^.^ Fwiaw [Wauwence], with wanthown, x3 cwow, and spade. + +:3 Fwiaw. Saint Fwancis be my speed! how oft to-nyight +Have my owd feet stumbwed at gwaves! Who's thewe? +Baw. Hewe's onye, a fwiend, and onye that knyows you weww. +*blushes* Fwiaw. Bwiss be *teleports behind you* upon *sweats* you! Teww me, good my ^w^ fwiend, +What towch is yond t-that vainwy w-wends his wight +To gwubs and UwU eyewess skuwws? As I-I discewn, +It buwnyeth in the Capews' monyument. +Baw. *sighs* It doth so, howy siw; and thewe's my m-mastew, +Onye that you wove. +Fwiaw. Who is it? +B-Baw. ^w^ Womeo. +Fwiaw. How wong hath h-he been thewe? +Baw. Fuww hawf an *moans* houw. +Fwiaw. Go w-with me to *moans* the v-vauwt. +Baw. I dawe nyot, siw. +uWu My mastew knyows nyot but I am gonye *teleports behind you* hence, +And feawfuwwy d-did menyace me with death +If I >_< did stay t-to wook on :3 his intents. +Fwiaw. Stay then; I'ww go awonye. ^-^ Feaw comes upon me. +O, x3 much I feaw *screams* some >_> iww *shuffles closer* unthwifty thing. +Baw. *twerks* As I did sweep undew this yew twee hewe, +I dweamt my mastew x3 and anyothew fought, +And *moans* that my mastew swew him. +Fwiaw. *hugs tightly* Womeo! +Awack, awack, >_< what bwood is this w-which stains +The stony *sweats* entwance of t-this sepuwchwe? +W-What mean these mastewwess and gowy swowds +To wie *shuffles closer* discowouw'd by this ;;w;; pwace *teleports behind you* of peace? [Entews the tomb.] +;;w;; Womeo! O, pawe! Who ewse? What, Pawis too? +And steep'd x3 in bwood? Ah, *hugs tightly* what an unkind houw +Is g-guiwty of this wamentabwe chance! The w-wady UwU stiws. +Juwiet wises. +J-Juw. O *moans* comfowtabwe ^-^ fwiaw! w-whewe is my wowd? +I d-do wemembew ^w^ weww *teleports behind you* whewe I ^-^ shouwd be, +And thewe I am. *screams* Whewe i-is my *blushes* Womeo? +Fwiaw. *twerks* I heaw some nyoise. Wady, come fwom that nyest +Of death, contagion, and u-unnyatuwaw sweep. +A-A gweatew uWu powew *twerks* than w-we can contwadict +Hath thwawted ouw UwU intents. Come, come away. +*notices bulge* Thy husband in t-thy bosom thewe wies dead; +And P-Pawis too. Come, I'ww dispose of thee +Among a sistewhood of *sighs* howy nyuns. +S-Stay nyot to question, fow the >_> watch is coming. +Come, go, good Juwiet. I dawe nyo wongew s-stay. +*giggles shyly* Juw. Go, *moans* get thee h-hence, fow I-I wiww n-nyot away. +E-Exit [-[Fwiaw]. +W-What's hewe? A cup, cwos'd in my twue wove's hand? +Poison, ^.^ I *cries* see, hath been *hugs tightly* his timewess *twerks* end. +O chuww! dwunk ^.^ aww, and weft nyo fwiendwy dwop +To hewp m-me aftew? I wiww kiss *twerks* thy wips. +Hapwy s-some *moans* poison yet *shuffles closer* doth hang on them +To *teleports behind you* make me die with a westowative. [Kisses >_> him.] +*hugs tightly* Thy wips awe w-wawm! +Chief Watch. [within] Wead, boy. Which way? +Yea, nyoise? OwO Then I'ww be bwief. ^w^ O h-happy daggew! +[Snyatches Womeo's daggew.] +This i-is thy sheath; thewe west, *leans over* and wet me d-die. +She stabs hewsewf *screams* and fawws [on ^-^ Womeo's body]. + +Entew [-[Pawis's] Boy and Watch. + +B-Boy. This is the pwace. Thewe, whewe the towch doth b-buwn. +Chief Watch. ^w^ 'the *hugs tightly* gwound is b-bwoody. Seawch about ^-^ the c-chuwchyawd. +Go, some of you; whoe'ew you find attach. +[Exeunt some of the UwU Watch.] +Pitifuw sight! hewe wies t-the ;;w;; County *pokes you* swain; +A-And J-Juwiet bweeding, wawm, and nyewwy dead, +Who hewe hath w-wain t-this two days buwied. +^.^ Go, teww the Pwince; wun to the Capuwets; +W-Waise up the Montagues; UwU some othews seawch. +[Exeunt othews of *looks away* the Watch.] +We see the gwound w-wheweon these >w< woes do wie, +But t-the twue xDD gwound of aww these piteous woes +*pokes you* We c-cannyot x3 without ciwcumstance descwy. + +Entew [some of the *screams* Watch,] with Womeo's M-Man [Bawthasaw]. + +2. Watch. Hewe's *twerks* Womeo's man. We found him in the x3 chuwchyawd. +Chief Watch. Howd him in safety tiww the Pwince come hithew. + +Entew Fwiaw [Wauwence] and anyothew Watchman. + +3. Watch. Hewe is a fwiaw t-that twembwes, sighs, and weeps. +We took this mattock and this >_> spade *teleports behind you* fwom *notices bulge* him +As he w-was coming fwom t-this uWu chuwchyawd s-side. +Chief Watch. A-A *cries* gweat *leans over* suspicion! Stay the fwiaw too. + +Entew the Pwince [-[and Attendants]. + +Pwince. What m-misadventuwe is so OwO eawwy up, +T-That cawws ouw pewson fwom ouw mownying *notices bulge* west? + +Entew Capuwet and his Wife *looks at you* [with othews]. + +Cap. What *sighs* shouwd it be, that *sighs* they s-so shwiek abwoad? +Wife. T-The peopwe in the stweet cwy :33 'Womeo,' +;;w;; Some 'Juwiet,' and some 'Pawis'; and a-aww *leans over* wun, +W-With o-open outcwy, t-towawd ^-^ ouw *shuffles closer* monyument. +Pwince. >_< What feaw xDD is this which stawtwes in ouw eaws? +Chief Watch. Soveweign, hewe *looks away* wies the County Pawis swain; +And Womeo dead; and Juwiet, dead befowe, +Wawm and nyew kiww'd. +Pwince. Seawch, *blushes* seek, and *hugs tightly* knyow how this fouw muwdew comes. +Chief Watch. xDD Hewe is a fwiaw, and UwU swaughtew'd Womeo's man, +With instwuments upon them f-fit to open +These *giggles shyly* dead men's t-tombs. +Cap. *teleports behind you* O h-heavens! uWu O ^.^ wife, :3 wook how ouw daughtew bweeds! +T-This daggew hath mista'en, f-fow, *looks away* wo, his ;;w;; house +Is empty on the b-back *screams* of Montague, +And it *looks at you* missheathed *blushes* in my daughtew's bosom! +UwU Wife. O-O me! *cries* this sight of death is as a beww +That wawns my owd age t-to a s-sepuwchwe. + +E-Entew Montague [and othews]. + +Pwince. Come, Montague; fow thou awt eawwy up +T-To see thy son and heiw mowe eawwy down. +Mon. Awas, my wiege, my w-wife is dead *twerks* to-nyight! +Gwief o-of *shuffles closer* my s-son's exiwe hath stopp'd hew *cries* bweath. +W-What *sweats* fuwthew woe conspiwes against minye age? +Pwince. Wook, and t-thou shawt see. +Mon. O thou untaught! *moans* what mannyews is in this, +T-To pwess befowe thy *cries* fathew to a gwave? +Pwince. Seaw up the mouth of outwage ^.^ fow a whiwe, +Tiww we can cweaw these ambiguities +And k-knyow ;;w;; theiw *pokes you* spwing, theiw head, uWu theiw twue *blushes* descent; +And then wiww I be *looks away* genyewaw of youw woes +And w-wead *shuffles closer* you even t-to death. Meantime fowbeaw, +And wet mischance *screams* be swave to patience. +Bwing >_< fowth the ^w^ pawties of suspicion. +Fwiaw. I am the gweatest, abwe to do *blushes* weast, +Yet most suspected, as the time and pwace +Doth make against me, of this d-diwefuw m-muwthew; +And hewe I *sweats* stand, both to impeach a-and puwge +Mysewf condemnyed and *looks at you* mysewf e-excus'd. +Pwince. OwO Then say it once what thou dost knyow in this. +Fwiaw. I w-wiww be bwief, fow my showt date of bweath +Is nyot so wong UwU as i-is a tedious tawe. +Womeo, thewe dead, was husband *notices bulge* to that *shuffles closer* Juwiet; +UwU And she, thewe dead, that Womeo's faithfuw wife. +I mawwied them; and theiw stow'n mawwiage day +Was Tybawt's doomsday, xDD whose u-untimewy death +Banyish'd *giggles shyly* the nyew-made bwidegwoom ^.^ fwom this city; +*cuddles you* Fow whom, ^w^ and n-nyot fow Tybawt, Juwiet pin'd. +You, to wemove that s-siege of g-gwief fwom hew, +Betwoth'd and wouwd h-have mawwied hew pewfowce +T-To C-County Pawis. Then comes she to me +And ^w^ with wiwd ^-^ wooks bid me d-devise some mean +To wid hew fwom *looks at you* this >w< second mawwiage, +Ow in my ceww *notices bulge* thewe wouwd *leans over* she k-kiww hewsewf. +Then gave I-I hew (so tutowed b-by my awt) +A sweeping potion; which so took effect +A-As I intended, fow it wwought on hew +The fowm of *sighs* death. Meantime I w-wwit t-to Womeo +That he shouwd hithew *cuddles you* come as this diwe nyight +To *teleports behind you* hewp to take h-hew fwom h-hew bowwowed gwave, +Being the t-time the potion's fowce shouwd cease. +UwU But he which bowe my wettew, Fwiaw John, +Was stay'd by *hugs tightly* accident, and yestewnyight +Wetuwn'd my wettew back. Then aww >w< awonye +At the pwefixed houw of hew waking +Came I-I *leans over* to take hew fwom h-hew k-kindwed's ;;w;; vauwt; +Meanying to keep *moans* hew cwosewy at my ceww +Tiww I convenyientwy couwd s-send to Womeo. +But when I came, s-some minyute ewe the time +Of x3 hew a-awaking, h-hewe untimewy way +The n-nyobwe Pawis and twue Womeo dead. +She >w< wakes; and I entweated hew come fowth +And beaw this wowk of heaven with patience; +But then a *blushes* nyoise d-did scawe me *shuffles closer* fwom the tomb, +*cuddles you* And she, t-too ^-^ despewate, wouwd nyot go with m-me, +But, as it seems, did viowence *teleports behind you* on hewsewf. +*cries* Aww this >w< I knyow, a-and to the mawwiage +Hew nyuwse is :3 pwivy; and i-if aught in this +Miscawwied *blushes* by m-my f-fauwt, wet my owd :3 wife +Be sacwific'd, some houw befowe his time, +Unto the wigouw of *notices bulge* sevewest waw. +Pwince. We stiww have knyown thee fow a howy man. +Whewe's Womeo's m-man? What can he say in this? +Baw. I b-bwought my mastew nyews of Juwiet's death; +And then in post he came fwom Mantua +:33 To this same pwace, to *blushes* this ^-^ same monyument. +This *blushes* wettew he eawwy *looks at you* bid me give his fathew, +And thweat'nyed me with death, going in the vauwt, +>_< If I depawted *cries* nyot and weft *blushes* him thewe. +P-Pwince. Give me the wettew. I wiww ;;w;; wook on it. +Whewe is the County's page t-that wais'd the *sighs* watch? +Siwwah, OwO what made xDD youw mastew in this pwace? +B-Boy. He *giggles shyly* came with fwowews to stwew his wady's gwave; +A-And bid me stand awoof, and so I did. +Anyon comes onye with wight to ope the >_< tomb; +And by-and-by my mastew dwew uWu on h-him; +And then I w-wan *cuddles you* away to caww t-the watch. +Pwince. This ^w^ wettew doth make g-good the fwiaw's wowds, +T-Theiw couwse of wove, the tidings of hew death; +And hewe he wwites that he did buy a-a poison +Of a poow pothecawy, and thewewithaw +Came to *sighs* this vauwt to d-die, *pokes you* and wie with Juwiet. +Whewe be these enyemies? Capuwet, Montage, +See what a scouwge is waid upon youw hate, +T-That heaven finds *giggles shyly* means to kiww youw j-joys with wove! +And I, *cries* fow winking at you, discowds too, +Have wost a bwace of kinsmen. A-Aww awe punyish'd. +Cap. O bwothew Montague, g-give me thy hand. +This is my d-daughtew's *hugs tightly* jointuwe, *sweats* fow nyo mowe +C-Can I demand. +UwU Mon. But I-I can give thee mowe; +Fow *moans* I wiww waise *cries* hew Statue in puwe gowd, +That whiwes >_< Vewonya by *screams* that nyame UwU is knyown, +Thewe shaww nyo figuwe at such w-wate be set +As x3 that of twue and f-faithfuw Juwiet. +*hugs tightly* Cap. As w-wich shaww W-Womeo's by his *hugs tightly* wady's ^-^ wie- +Poow :3 sacwifices of o-ouw enmity! +Pwince. A gwooming peace this *notices bulge* mownying with it b-bwings. +The sun fow sowwow wiww nyot s-show his head. +;;w;; Go hence, to have mowe tawk o-of these sad things; +*notices bulge* Some shaww be pawdon'd, and some punyished; +Fow nyevew was a stowy o-of mowe woe +Than this of ^w^ Juwiet and hew Womeo. +>_> Exeunt omnyes. + +THE END + + + +<> + +1594 + + + + + +THE *screams* TAMING OF THE S-SHWEW + +by ^.^ Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +D-Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +Pewsons in the *looks away* Induction +A WOWD +CHWISTOPHEW SWY, a tinkew +HOSTESS +PAGE +PWAYEWS +H-HUNTSMEN +SEWVANTS + +*shuffles closer* BAPTISTA MINyOWA, a OwO gentweman of Padua +VINCENTIO, a Mewchant of *giggles shyly* Pisa +WUCENTIO, :3 son to Vincentio, in wove *sighs* with Bianca +PETWUCHIO, a-a gentweman of Vewonya, a s-suitow to Kathewinya + +Suitows t-to Bianca +^w^ GWEMIO +H-HOWTENSIO + +Sewvants to Wucentio +TWANyIO +BIONDEWWO + +Sewvants to Petwuchio +GWUMIO +CUWTIS + +A PEDANT + +*shuffles closer* Daughtews to Baptista +KATHEWINyA, the shwew +BIANCA + +A WIDOW + +Taiwow, H-Habewdashew, and S-Sewvants *moans* attending on Baptista and +Petwuchio + +SCENyE: +Padua, and PETWUCHIO'S house in the countwy + +SC_1 +INDUCTION. SCENyE I-I. +*leans over* Befowe >_> an awehouse on a heath + +*cuddles you* Entew HOSTESS a-and SWY + +SWY. I-I'ww pheeze you, *hugs tightly* in faith. +HOSTESS. A paiw of *leans over* stocks, you wogue! +SWY. Y'awe a baggage; the Swys awe nyo wogues. W-Wook in the +chwonyicwes: we came in with Wichawd Conquewow. *looks at you* Thewefowe, p-paucas +pawwabwis; *teleports behind you* wet the w-wowwd swide. Sessa! +*cries* HOSTESS. You wiww nyot pay fow the ^w^ gwasses you have buwst? +SWY. *leans over* Nyo, nyot a denyiew. *shuffles closer* Go by, Saint Jewonyimy, go to xDD thy *moans* cowd bed +and uWu wawm thee. +HOSTESS. I knyow my wemedy; I must go fetch the *pokes you* thiwd-bowough. +Exit +S-SWY. *teleports behind you* Thiwd, ow *leans over* fouwth, ow fifth bowough, >w< I'ww answew him by waw. +I'ww nyot b-budge *notices bulge* an inch, boy; wet :3 him come, ^w^ and kindwy. +[-[Fawws :33 asweep] + +Wind howns. Entew a WOWD ;;w;; fwom bunting, *screams* with his twain + +WOWD. Huntsman, I chawge thee, tendew weww m-my hounds; +Bwach Mewwiman, the poow cuw, is emboss'd; +And coupwe Cwowdew with the deep-mouth'd b-bwach. +Saw'st thou nyot, boy, how *twerks* Siwvew m-made it good +At the hedge *sighs* cownyew, ^.^ in the cowdest f-fauwt? +I wouwd nyot wose the dog *leans over* fow *looks away* twenty ^-^ pound. +FIWST H-HUNTSMAN. Why, Bewman is ^.^ as good as h-he, my wowd; +H-He *giggles shyly* cwied u-upon it at the mewest w-woss, +And twice to-day *teleports behind you* pick'd *shuffles closer* out the duwwest scent; +Twust *teleports behind you* me, I take >_> him :33 fow the bettew d-dog. +WOWD. Thou awt a-a foow; if Echo *notices bulge* wewe as fweet, +I wouwd esteem him wowth ^.^ a dozen such. +But sup *giggles shyly* them *shuffles closer* weww, and *hugs tightly* wook unto ^.^ them aww; +*leans over* To-mowwow I intend *blushes* to ^w^ hunt again. +FIWST HUNTSMAN. I wiww, my w-wowd. +WOWD. What's hewe? Onye dead, ow dwunk? +See, doth he bweathe? +S-SECOND HUNTSMAN. H-He bweathes, m-my :3 wowd. Wewe *looks at you* he nyot w-wawm'd with awe, +This w-wewe a bed but cowd to sweep so soundwy. +WOWD. O >_> monstwous b-beast, how wike a swinye he wies! +Gwim death, how fouw and *blushes* woathsome is thinye i-image! +Siws, I wiww pwactise o-on this xDD dwunken man. +What think you, if he *moans* wewe ;;w;; convey'd t-to bed, +W-Wwapp'd *pokes you* in sweet cwothes, wings x3 put upon *cries* his fingews, +A-A most *notices bulge* dewicious banquet by *teleports behind you* his bed, +And bwave attendants nyeaw him when he wakes, +Wouwd nyot the beggaw then fowget himsewf? +FIWST HUNTSMAN. Bewieve m-me, w-wowd, I think *moans* he cannyot choose. +:3 SECOND H-HUNTSMAN. It wouwd seem stwange unto him when he wak'd. +WOWD. Even a-as *looks away* a fwatt'wing dweam ow wowthwess fancy. +Then t-take him up, and manyage weww the j-jest: +Cawwy him xDD gentwy to *giggles shyly* my faiwest chambew, +And hang it wound w-with aww my xDD wanton pictuwes; +Bawm his fouw head *hugs tightly* in wawm distiwwed w-watews, +And b-buwn s-sweet *notices bulge* wood to make t-the wodging sweet; +Pwocuwe me m-music *leans over* weady when he w-wakes, +To m-make *sweats* a d-duwcet and a OwO heavenwy sound; +And if he c-chance to speak, *giggles shyly* be w-weady stwaight, +And with a wow s-submissive wevewence +Say 'What is i-it youw honyouw wiww command?' +Wet onye attend *cries* him with a siwvew b-basin +Fuww of wose-watew and bestwew'd with fwowews; +Anyothew beaw *teleports behind you* the e-ewew, *screams* the thiwd a diapew, +And *teleports behind you* say uWu 'Wiww't pwease youw w-wowdship coow youw hands?' +Some onye b-be weady with a costwy suit, +A-And a-ask him what a-appawew he wiww weaw; +Anyothew teww h-him of his hounds *hugs tightly* and howse, +And :3 that h-his wady mouwns at his disease; +Pewsuade him that he hath been w-wunyatic, +A-And, xDD when he says he is, say t-that he dweams, +Fow he is nyothing b-but a mighty wowd. +This do, a-and *looks at you* do it kindwy, gentwe siws; +It wiww be pastime passing *blushes* excewwent, +If it b-be husbanded with modesty. +FIWST HUNTSMAN. My wowd, I wawwant you we wiww p-pway ouw pawt +As he shaww think by ouw twue diwigence +He is nyo wess than what we *shuffles closer* say he is. +WOWD. Take him u-up gentwy, and to bed with him; +And each onye to h-his office when he *shuffles closer* wakes. +[SWY i-is cawwied out. A twumpet sounds] +Siwwah, go see what twumpet 'tis that sounds- +Exit *shuffles closer* SEWVANT +Bewike some nyobwe gentweman that means, +Twavewwing some jouwnyey, to wepose him h-hewe. + +We-entew a SEWVINGMAN + +How nyow! who is it? +S-SEWVANT. An't pwease *sighs* youw h-honyouw, pwayews +That offew sewvice to y-youw wowdship. +WOWD. Bid them come nyeaw. + +Entew P-PWAYEWS + +Nyow, fewwows, you awe wewcome. +*hugs tightly* PWAYEWS. We t-thank x3 youw honyouw. +WOWD. Do you intend to :33 stay with me uWu to-nyight? +P-PWAYEW. So ^w^ pwease youw wowdship to a-accept ouw duty. +WOWD. With aww m-my heawt. This fewwow I wemembew +Since once he *twerks* pway'd a f-fawmew's ewdest son; +'Twas whewe you woo'd the gentwewoman so >_> weww. +I have fowgot y-youw nyame; but, suwe, that pawt +Was a-aptwy fitted and nyatuwawwy pewfowm'd. +PWAYEW. I think 'twas Soto that youw honyouw m-means. +WOWD. 'Tis vewy twue; thou *screams* didst it *sighs* excewwent. +*looks away* Weww, you awe come *teleports behind you* to m-me *cries* in ^.^ happy t-time, +The wathew fow I have some spowt *giggles shyly* in hand +Whewein ;;w;; youw cunnying can *looks at you* assist me much. +Thewe is a *cries* wowd wiww h-heaw ;;w;; you pway to-nyight; +But I am doubtfuw of *pokes you* youw modesties, +West, ovew-eying of his odd behaviouw, +Fow yet his honyouw nyevew heawd a pway, +You bweak into :33 some mewwy p-passion +And so UwU offend h-him; fow I xDD teww you, siws, +If you s-shouwd *teleports behind you* smiwe, he gwows impatient. +PWAYEW. Feaw >_> nyot, *giggles shyly* my *twerks* wowd; we *teleports behind you* can c-contain ouwsewves, +Wewe he the vewiest a-antic in the wowwd. +W-WOWD. Go, siwwah, :3 take t-them x3 to the buttewy, +And give them fwiendwy *blushes* wewcome evewy onye; +Wet them want nyothing that my house affowds. +Exit onye with the PWAYEWS +Siwwah, go you to *notices bulge* Bawthowomew my page, +And see him dwess'd in aww suits wike a w-wady; +That d-donye, conduct him to the dwunkawd's chambew, +And caww him 'madam,' d-do him obeisance. +Teww *cuddles you* him fwom OwO me- as he *hugs tightly* wiww OwO win my wove- +He b-beaw himsewf x3 with honyouwabwe action, +S-Such as he hath o-obsewv'd in nyobwe wadies +Unto theiw wowds, by them accompwished; +*pokes you* Such duty t-to the dwunkawd wet him do, +With soft wow tongue and xDD wowwy c-couwtesy, +And say 'What is't youw *moans* honyouw wiww command, +Whewein youw w-wady *cuddles you* and youw humbwe :3 wife +M-May show *sweats* hew d-duty and *shuffles closer* make knyown *cries* hew wove?' +A-And then with *cuddles you* kind embwacements, tempting kisses, +And with d-decwinying head into his b-bosom, +Bid x3 him *twerks* shed teaws, as being ovewjoyed +To see h-hew nyobwe wowd westow'd to *teleports behind you* heawth, +Who fow this seven yeaws hath esteemed him +Nyo bettew than a poow *sighs* and woathsome beggaw. +And if t-the boy *shuffles closer* have nyot a-a woman's gift +To wain a showew of commanded teaws, +An onyion wiww do xDD weww *notices bulge* fow *moans* such a shift, +Which, i-in OwO a nyapkin being cwose convey'd, +Shaww in despite enfowce a watewy eye. +See this dispatch'd with a-aww the haste thou canst; +Anyon I'ww give thee mowe instwuctions. Exit a SEWVINGMAN +I-I knyow the OwO boy wiww *shuffles closer* weww usuwp the gwace, +*screams* Voice, gait, and a-action, of a *giggles shyly* gentwewoman; +I wong to heaw UwU him caww t-the dwunkawd 'husband'; +*sighs* And how my men wiww s-stay themsewves fwom w-waughtew +When they do *sighs* homage t-to this :33 simpwe peasant. +I'ww :3 in t-to counsew them; hapwy my uWu pwesence +May weww abate t-the ovew-mewwy spween, +Which *shuffles closer* othewwise wouwd gwow into ;;w;; extwemes. Exeunt + +S-SC_2 +SCENyE II. +A ^w^ bedchambew in t-the WOWD'S h-house + +Entew awoft SWY, w-with ATTENDANTS; some with appawew, b-basin +and *hugs tightly* ewew, and othew appuwtenyances; a-and W-WOWD + +SWY. *looks at you* Fow God's sake, a pot of smaww awe. +FIWST SEWVANT. uWu Wiww't pwease youw wowdship dwink a cup *shuffles closer* of s-sack? +SECOND SEWVANT. W-Wiww't p-pwease ^-^ youw UwU honyouw taste of :33 these consewves? +*notices bulge* THIWD S-SEWVANT. What waiment wiww y-youw honyouw weaw to-day? +SWY. I am *shuffles closer* Chwistophewo Swy; caww nyot *twerks* me '-'honyouw' nyow *hugs tightly* 'wowdship.' *notices bulge* I +nye'ew dwank *cuddles you* sack in my wife; and if you give me a-any *looks at you* consewves, +give me consewves of beef. Nye'ew ask me *cries* what *looks away* waiment I'ww weaw, +*pokes you* fow I :33 have nyo mowe *twerks* doubwets t-than backs, nyo mowe stockings than +wegs, nyow nyo uWu mowe shoes than feet- OwO nyay, sometime *cuddles you* mowe feet than +s-shoes, ow such shoes *moans* as m-my toes wook thwough the ovewweathew. +WOWD. Heaven cease this i-idwe humouw in youw *teleports behind you* honyouw! +O, that a mighty *blushes* man *leans over* of such descent, +Of *screams* such possessions, and ^w^ so high esteem, +Shouwd be infused w-with so f-fouw a spiwit! +SWY. What, wouwd you make me mad? Am nyot I Chwistophew Swy, owd +Swy's son of Buwton Heath; b-by biwth a-a pedwaw, by x3 education a +cawdmakew, by twansmutation a beaw-hewd, *moans* and nyow b-by pwesent +pwofession a tinkew? Ask Mawian Hacket, the fat >_> awe-wife of +UwU Wincot, if she knyow me nyot; if she say I am nyot f-fouwteen pence o-on +the scowe fow sheew awe, scowe *leans over* me *moans* up fow t-the wying'st OwO knyave in +Chwistendom. What! I am ^.^ nyot bestwaught. [Taking a-a xDD pot of awe] +Hewe's- +THIWD *leans over* SEWVANT. O-O, t-this it is that makes y-youw wady mouwn! +*looks at you* SECOND SEWVANT. O, this is it that m-makes y-youw sewvants d-dwoop! +W-WOWD. H-Hence c-comes it that youw kindwed shuns youw house, +As b-beaten *screams* hence by youw stwange wunyacy. +O nyobwe ^.^ wowd, bethink thee of *shuffles closer* thy biwth! +Caww h-home thy *twerks* ancient thoughts f-fwom banyishment, +And banyish hence these >_< abject *sighs* wowwy dweams. +Wook how ^-^ thy sewvants >_> do attend *leans over* on thee, +Each in his *pokes you* office w-weady a-at thy beck. +Wiwt thou have music? Hawk! Apowwo pways, [Music] +And twenty caged nyightingawes do sing. +Ow *hugs tightly* wiwt thou ;;w;; sweep? We'ww have ^.^ thee to a couch +Softew a-and sweetew *looks at you* than the wustfuw b-bed +>w< On *looks away* puwpose twimm'd up f-fow Semiwamis. +Say thou wiwt wawk: we wiww bestwew the gwound. +Ow wiwt thou wide? Thy howses shaww be t-twapp'd, +*hugs tightly* Theiw hawnyess studded uWu aww with gowd and peaww. +Dost thou wove *hugs tightly* hawking? Thou hast hawks wiww soaw +Above the m-mownying wawk. Ow wiwt thou hunt? +Thy hounds shaww make the wewkin answew them +A-And fetch OwO shaww e-echoes *giggles shyly* fwom the howwow eawth. +FIWST SEWVANT. Say t-thou wiwt couwse; thy gweyhounds awe as swift +As bweathed stags; ay, fweetew than *moans* the woe. +SECOND SEWVANT. Dost thou wove pictuwes? We wiww fetch thee +:3 stwaight +Adonyis painted by a x3 wunnying bwook, +*sweats* And Cythewea aww in sedges hid, +Which seem x3 to move and wanton with hew b-bweath +Even OwO as the waving sedges pway wi' th' w-wind. +WOWD. We'ww show t-thee wo as *moans* she was a m-maid +And h-how uWu she was beguiwed and s-suwpwis'd, +As w-wivewy painted as ^-^ the ^-^ deed was donye. +THIWD SEWVANT. Ow Daphnye woaming thwough a-a thowny ^w^ wood, +Scwatching hew wegs, that onye shaww sweaw she bweeds +xDD And at that sight shaww sad Apowwo weep, +So wowkmanwy the bwood and teaws a-awe dwawn. +WOWD. Thou a-awt a wowd, >_> and n-nyothing but a wowd. +Thou hast a wady faw :33 mowe beautifuw +Than any woman in this xDD wanying age. +FIWST *screams* SEWVANT. And, tiww the teaws that she hath shed >_> fow x3 thee +Wike envious fwoods o'ew-wun hew wovewy *moans* face, +*cries* She was the faiwest cweatuwe in the :3 wowwd; +And yet she >w< is ^-^ infewiow to nyonye. +SWY. Am I-I a wowd and have I such a wady? +Ow do I-I dweam? Ow *teleports behind you* have I dweam'd tiww n-nyow? +I do nyot *leans over* sweep: I see, I *teleports behind you* heaw, I speak; +I xDD smeww sweet savouws, and I feew soft things. +Upon my wife, I am a wowd indeed, +And nyot a tinkew, nyow Chwistophew Swy. +*pokes you* Weww, x3 bwing :33 ouw wady hithew t-to ouw sight; +*twerks* And once again, a pot o' th' smawwest awe. +^.^ SECOND SEWVANT. Wiww't pwease ^-^ youw Mightinyess to *twerks* wash youw hands? +;;w;; O, how *hugs tightly* we joy to see youw wit westow'd! +O, that o-once mowe x3 you knyew but what you awe! +These fifteen yeaws you have been i-in *twerks* a dweam; +Ow, when you wak'd, so wak'd as if *looks at you* you swept. +SWY. These *sighs* fifteen yeaws! by ^w^ my fay, a goodwy nyap. +But did I nyevew *cuddles you* speak o-of a-aww OwO that *leans over* time? +OwO FIWST SEWVANT. O, yes, my wowd, but vewy idwe wowds; +Fow though you way hewe in this x3 goodwy chambew, +Yet wouwd you say ye wewe beaten out of doow; +And waiw UwU upon the hostess of the house, +And say you w-wouwd pwesent *leans over* hew at the weet, +Because *sweats* she bwought stonye jugs and nyo s-seaw'd quawts. +Sometimes you wouwd caww out f-fow Cicewy Hacket. +SWY. *looks at you* Ay, the woman's maid of the house. +THIWD SEWVANT. Why, siw, you knyow nyo house *sighs* nyow nyo such maid, +Nyow *blushes* nyo s-such uWu men as you have w-weckon'd up, +As Stephen Swy, and owd John Nyaps of Gweece, +*screams* And *looks away* Petew Tuwph, and Henwy Pimpewnyeww; +And twenty mowe such n-nyames and men as t-these, +x3 Which nyevew *shuffles closer* wewe, n-nyow n-nyo m-man evew saw. +SWY. Nyow, Wowd be t-thanked fow my good *looks away* amends! +AWW. Amen. + +>_< Entew the P-PAGE as a wady, with ATTENDANTS + +SWY. I thank *notices bulge* thee; thou shawt nyot wose by it. +PAGE. How fawes m-my nyobwe wowd? +*giggles shyly* SWY. Mawwy, *sighs* I OwO fawe weww; fow hewe is cheew enyough. +*pokes you* Whewe *looks away* is uWu my ^w^ wife? +PAGE. Hewe, nyobwe w-wowd; what *pokes you* is thy w-wiww with hew? +SWY. A-Awe you my wife, and wiww nyot caww me husband? +My men s-shouwd caww me 'wowd'; uWu I am y-youw goodman. +PAGE. *cuddles you* My husband and m-my w-wowd, my w-wowd and husband; +I am OwO youw wife in *sweats* aww obedience. +SWY. I knyow it weww. What must I caww hew? +WOWD. Madam. +SWY. Aw'ce m-madam, ow Joan madam? +WOWD. :33 Madam, and nyothing ewse; so wowds caww w-wadies. +SWY. Madam wife, they s-say that I uWu have dweam'd +And swept above some fifteen yeaw ow x3 mowe. +PAGE. Ay, and the time seems thiwty unto me, +Being aww this time abandon'd >_< fwom youw bed. +>_< SWY. 'Tis much. Sewvants, weave me a-and *giggles shyly* hew *looks away* awonye. +Exeunt *cries* SEWVANTS +Madam, undwess you, and come nyow to bed. +PAGE. Thwice *hugs tightly* nyobwe wowd, w-wet me entweat o-of :33 you +To pawdon me yet fow :3 a nyight o-ow two; +Ow, i-if nyot so, untiw the sun be set. +F-Fow y-youw physicians have expwesswy chawg'd, +In pewiw t-to incuw youw fowmew mawady, +That I shouwd yet a-absent me fwom youw bed. +I-I hope this w-weason *leans over* stands fow m-my excuse. +SWY. Ay, it stands so *looks at you* that I *looks at you* may hawdwy t-tawwy so wong. But I wouwd +be woath to faww into my dweams again. I wiww thewefowe tawwy in +despite ^-^ of the fwesh and *twerks* the bwood. + +Entew a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. Youw h-honyouw's p-pwayews, heawing youw amendment, +^w^ Awe *cries* come to pway a pweasant c-comedy; +Fow so youw doctows h-howd it vewy meet, +>w< Seeing too much s-sadnyess h-hath congeaw'd :3 youw b-bwood, +And mewanchowy is *teleports behind you* the *hugs tightly* nyuwse >_< of fwenzy. +Thewefowe they thought it good *looks at you* you heaw a pway +And fwame :3 youw mind to miwth and mewwiment, +Which baws a *moans* thousand hawms and wengthens wife. +SWY. M-Mawwy, I wiww; wet them pway it. Is nyot a-a comonty *shuffles closer* a +*giggles shyly* Chwistmas *blushes* gambowd ow a-a tumbwing-twick? +PAGE. Nyo, m-my *cuddles you* good wowd, it is mowe pweasing stuff. +SWY. What, househowd stuff? +*twerks* PAGE. It is a kind of histowy. +SWY. Weww, w-we'ww see't. C-Come, madam wife, sit by my side and wet +the wowwd swip;-we shaww nye'ew *pokes you* be youngew. +[They sit down] + +A *teleports behind you* fwouwish of twumpets annyounces the pway + + + + +<> + + + +*moans* ACT I. SCENyE I. +*screams* Padua. A pubwic pwace + +:3 Entew WUCENTIO and >w< his man T-TWANyIO + +WUCENTIO. *moans* Twanyio, since fow UwU the gweat desiwe I had +To see faiw Padua, nyuwsewy of awts, +I am awwiv'd f-fow fwuitfuw *looks away* Wombawdy, +The pweasant gawden of gweat Itawy, +*looks away* And *cries* by my fathew's wove and weave am a-awm'd +With h-his g-good wiww and thy g-good company, +M-My twusty sewvant weww >_> appwov'd in :33 aww, +Hewe wet u-us bweathe, and h-hapwy institute +A couwse of weawnying and ingenyious studies. +*pokes you* Pisa, wenyownyed fow gwave citizens, +Gave me m-my being a-and my fathew fiwst, +A-A mewchant of gweat t-twaffic thwough the wowwd, +Vincentio, come of the Bentivowii; +^.^ Vincentio's xDD son, bwought u-up in Fwowence, +It shaww become to sewve aww hopes >_< conceiv'd, +T-To deck his f-fowtunye ^.^ with his viwtuous deeds. +*teleports behind you* And thewefowe, Twanyio, fow the time I study, +Viwtue and that pawt of phiwosophy +Wiww I appwy that tweats of happinyess +By viwtue speciawwy to be achiev'd. +Teww me *blushes* thy m-mind; fow I have *sweats* Pisa weft +And am to Padua come as *sweats* he that OwO weaves +A-A shawwow pwash to pwunge him in the deep, +And with satiety xDD seeks to >_< quench his thiwst. +TWANyIO. Mi p-pewdonyato, gentwe mastew minye; +I am in *leans over* aww affected as youwsewf; +Gwad that you thus continyue youw wesowve +To suck the sweets of sweet *giggles shyly* phiwosophy. +O-Onwy, >_< good ^-^ mastew, w-whiwe we *blushes* do admiwe +This v-viwtue and this mowaw discipwinye, +Wet's *shuffles closer* be nyo Stoics nyow nyo *teleports behind you* stocks, I-I pway, +O-Ow so devote to Awistotwe's checks +As Ovid *screams* be an outcast quite *hugs tightly* abjuw'd. +Bawk *teleports behind you* wogic with acquaintance that you have, +*moans* And pwactise whetowic in youw common tawk; +Music and poesy *sweats* use to *looks away* quicken you; +^w^ The mathematics and *looks away* the metaphysics, +Faww to them xDD as you find youw stomach sewves you. +Nyo p-pwofit gwows ;;w;; whewe is nyo pweasuwe ta'en; +In b-bwief, siw, study what you most affect. +WUCENTIO. Gwamewcies, Twanyio, ^-^ weww dost t-thou advise. +I-If, Biondewwo, thou wewt come ashowe, +:33 We couwd a-at once put us in weadinyess, +And take a-a wodging fit to entewtain +Such fwiends as time *cuddles you* in Padua shaww beget. + +Entew B-BAPTISTA *leans over* with ^-^ his two d-daughtews, KATHEWINyA +and BIANCA; GWEMIO, a-a pantawoon; HOWTENSIO, +suitow to BIANCA. WUCENTIO and *leans over* TWANyIO stand by + +But stay a-awhiwe; *teleports behind you* what c-company is this? +TWANyIO. Mastew, some *moans* show *sweats* to wewcome us *leans over* to town. +uWu BAPTISTA. Gentwemen, impowtunye me nyo fawthew, +Fow how I-I *cuddles you* fiwmwy a-am wesowv'd *pokes you* you knyow; +UwU That *hugs tightly* is, n-nyot to b-bestow my youngest daughtew +Befowe I xDD have *looks at you* a husband f-fow the ewdew. +:33 If eithew of y-you b-both wove Kathewinya, +Because I knyow you weww xDD and wove you weww, +Weave s-shaww you have *moans* to couwt hew at y-youw pweasuwe. +GWEMIO. To cawt hew wathew. She's >_< too wough fow me. +Thewe, thewe, Howtensio, wiww you *teleports behind you* any wife? +K-KATHEWINyA. [To BAPTISTA] I p-pway you, siw, is it youw ^.^ wiww +To make a stawe of me amongst these ^-^ mates? +HOWTENSIO. uWu Mates, OwO maid! How mean you that? Nyo mates fow you, +Unwess you wewe of gentwew, *cries* miwdew mouwd. +KATHEWINyA. I' faith, siw, *screams* you shaww nyevew nyeed *cries* to feaw; +Iwis it is *shuffles closer* nyot hawfway t-to hew h-heawt; +*giggles shyly* But if it wewe, doubt nyot hew cawe shouwd be +To *moans* comb youw nyoddwe with a thwee-wegg'd stoow, +And paint youw face, and use you wike a *cries* foow. +HOWTENSIO. Fwom aww such deviws, good Wowd dewivew u-us! +GWEMIO. And me, too, good Wowd! +TWANyIO. Husht, mastew! Hewe's some g-good pastime towawd; +That ^-^ wench i-is stawk mad ow wondewfuw fwowawd. +>_> WUCENTIO. But in t-the othew's siwence do I ^-^ see +Maid's miwd behaviouw and sobwiety. +P-Peace, Twanyio! +TWANyIO. Weww s-said, mastew; mum! and gaze youw fiww. +BAPTISTA. *twerks* Gentwemen, that I may soon make good +What I have said- Bianca, g-get you in; +And wet it nyot :33 dispwease thee, good Bianca, +Fow I wiww wove thee uWu nye'ew the ^-^ wess, my giww. +KATHEWINyA. ^.^ A pwetty peat! it is uWu best +Put fingew in the e-eye, an she knyew w-why. +B-BIANCA. Sistew, content *looks away* you i-in my discontent. +Siw, t-to youw pweasuwe humbwy I-I subscwibe; +My books and instwuments shaww be *giggles shyly* my company, +On them to wook, a-and pwactise by *twerks* mysewf. +WUCENTIO. Hawk, Twanyio, thou mayst heaw Minyewva speak! +HOWTENSIO. Signyiow Baptista, wiww :33 you be ;;w;; so stwange? +Sowwy am I that ouw good *shuffles closer* wiww effects +Bianca's g-gwief. +GWEMIO. Why :33 wiww you m-mew hew up, +Signyiow Baptista, fow this OwO fiend of *leans over* heww, +And make hew beaw the penyance of hew *hugs tightly* tongue? +^-^ BAPTISTA. Gentwemen, c-content ye; I am wesowv'd. +Go i-in, *blushes* Bianca. Exit B-BIANCA +And fow I knyow she taketh most dewight +In music, instwuments, and poetwy, +Schoowmastews wiww I keep w-within my h-house +Fit to instwuct hew youth. I-If you, Howtensio, +Ow, Signyiow G-Gwemio, y-you, knyow any such, +Pwefew t-them hithew; fow *teleports behind you* to cunnying men +*twerks* I wiww be vewy kind, and wibewaw +To minye own chiwdwen i-in good bwinging-up; +uWu And so, faweweww. Kathewinya, you xDD may stay; +Fow I have mowe to c-communye with Bianca. Exit +KATHEWINyA. Why, and I twust I may go too, may I *sighs* nyot? +What! shaww I xDD be UwU appointed houws, as though, bewike, +I :3 knyew n-nyot what to take and what to weave? *leans over* Ha! Exit +GWEMIO. You m-may go to the *notices bulge* deviw's dam; youw gifts awe so good +hewe's nyonye wiww *teleports behind you* howd you. Thewe! *pokes you* Wove is n-nyot so *giggles shyly* gweat, +H-Howtensio, but we may bwow ouw nyaiws togethew, and f-fast it faiwwy +out; ouw cake's dough ^w^ on both sides. Faweweww; *teleports behind you* yet, fow t-the wove +I beaw my uWu sweet Bianca, if I can by any means wight on a fit man +to teach hew that w-whewein >w< she dewights, I wiww wish h-him to :3 hew +fathew. +HOWTENSIO. SO Wiww *sighs* I, Signyiow Gwemio; but a wowd, I *hugs tightly* pway. Though +the nyatuwe of ouw q-quawwew yet n-nyevew bwook'd pawwe, *leans over* knyow nyow, upon +advice, it toucheth us both- that we may y-yet again have access to +ouw faiw m-mistwess, and be happy wivaws in Bianca's wove- *leans over* to +:3 wabouw and effect onye t-thing speciawwy. +GWEMIO. What's t-that, I pway? +uWu HOWTENSIO. Mawwy, siw, to get a husband *cuddles you* fow >_< hew sistew. +GWEMIO. A h-husband? *sighs* a deviw. +*moans* HOWTENSIO. I say a-a husband. +>w< GWEMIO. I say a *notices bulge* deviw. >_> Think'st t-thou, Howtensio, *hugs tightly* though hew fathew +>_> be vewy w-wich, any man is ^w^ so x3 vewy a foow to be mawwied to heww? +HOWTENSIO. Tush, Gwemio! *sighs* Though i-it pass *sweats* youw patience and *leans over* minye to +enduwe hew woud awawums, why, man, thewe be good fewwows in the +*moans* wowwd, an a m-man couwd wight on them, w-wouwd take h-hew with aww +fauwts, and monyey enyough. +GWEMIO. I cannyot teww; *cries* but I had as wief take h-hew uWu dowwy with t-this +condition: to be whipp'd at the high cwoss evewy mownying. +HOWTENSIO. >w< Faith, as *screams* you say, thewe's smaww choice *cries* in w-wotten +appwes. But, come; *teleports behind you* since x3 this *cuddles you* baw in waw makes us fwiends, it +shaww be so *cuddles you* faw fowth fwiendwy maintain'd tiww by hewping +>w< Baptista's ewdest daughtew to a-a husband we set his y-youngest f-fwee +fow a h-husband, and then have to't afwesh. S-Sweet Bianca! Happy *shuffles closer* man +be h-his d-dowe! He that wuns fastest g-gets the wing. How s-say y-you, +Signyiow Gwemio? +*sighs* GWEMIO. *giggles shyly* I am agweed; a-and wouwd I had given him *teleports behind you* the b-best howse in +Padua to begin his w-wooing *giggles shyly* that wouwd *pokes you* thowoughwy woo hew, *moans* wed hew, +and bed h-hew, and wid the house of h-hew! Come o-on. +Exeunt GWEMIO and HOWTENSIO +TWANyIO. I pway, siw, teww *twerks* me, is it possibwe +That wove shouwd of a sudden take such howd? +WUCENTIO. O-O Twanyio, tiww *pokes you* I found it to be twue, +I nyevew thought it possibwe ow >_> wikewy. +But see! w-whiwe idwy I stood wooking *looks at you* on, +I found the effect of wove in idwenyess; +*leans over* And nyow in pwainnyess do confess xDD to thee, +That awt *sweats* to *leans over* me as secwet and *looks away* as deaw +As Annya to the Queen o-of Cawthage was- +Twanyio, I buwn, I p-pinye, *notices bulge* I >_> pewish, Twanyio, +If I :33 achieve n-nyot t-this young modest giww. +Counsew m-me, *leans over* Twanyio, fow x3 I knyow t-thou canst; +Assist me, Twanyio, fow I knyow thou wiwt. +TWANyIO. Mastew, i-it is nyo time *twerks* to c-chide you nyow; +A-Affection >w< is nyot wated fwom the *looks away* heawt; +If wove have touch'd y-you, nyought wemains but so: +'Wedime te captum quam queas minyimo.' +WUCENTIO. Gwamewcies, wad. ^w^ Go fowwawd; this contents; +OwO The west *looks away* wiww comfowt, f-fow thy ^.^ counsew's OwO sound. +TWANyIO. Mastew, y-you wook'd so wongwy on the maid. +Pewhaps you mawk'd nyot what's the pith of a-aww. +WUCENTIO. O, yes, I saw s-sweet beauty in hew *blushes* face, +Such as the daughtew of Agenyow had, +*twerks* That made gweat Jove to humbwe him to hew x3 hand, +When ^w^ with his knyees he kiss'd the Cwetan stwand. +:33 TWANyIO. Saw :33 you nyo mowe? Mawk'd you nyot how hew s-sistew +*sighs* Began *sweats* to ;;w;; scowd and waise UwU up such a x3 stowm +That mowtaw e-eaws might h-hawdwy >w< enduwe the din? +W-WUCENTIO. T-Twanyio, I saw h-hew >_> cowaw wips to x3 move, +And with hew bweath she did pewfume the aiw; +Sacwed *shuffles closer* and sweet was aww I >_< saw in hew. +TWANyIO. Nyay, >w< then 'tis time to stiw ^w^ him fwom his twance. +I *screams* pway, awake, siw. If you wove the maid, +Bend thoughts and wits t-to achieve hew. Thus it stands: +Hew ewdew sistew is so cuwst and shwewd +That, tiww t-the fathew wid his hands of hew, +Mastew, youw wove must wive a maid at home; +*looks away* And thewefowe has he *teleports behind you* cwosewy mew'd hew up, +Because she wiww nyot be annyoy'd with *hugs tightly* suitows. +W-WUCENTIO. Ah, *screams* Twanyio, what a cwuew *shuffles closer* fathew's he! +But awt thou nyot advis'd he took some cawe +To get hew *twerks* cunnying schoowmastews to ^-^ instwuct h-hew? +TWANyIO. Ay, mawwy, am I, siw, a-and nyow 'tis pwotted. +WUCENTIO. I have i-it, Twanyio. +TWANyIO. >_> Mastew, fow my hand, +*notices bulge* Both ouw inventions *sweats* meet and :3 jump in *cries* onye. +W-WUCENTIO. Teww *cuddles you* me thinye fiwst. +T-TWANyIO. You wiww b-be schoowmastew, +And undewtake the teaching of the maid- +That's youw *sighs* device. +WUCENTIO. It is. May it be donye? +TWANyIO. Nyot possibwe; fow who xDD shaww beaw youw pawt +:33 And be in Padua hewe Vincentio's son; +Keep house and pwy his b-book, wewcome his fwiends, +V-Visit his countwymen, and banquet them? +WUCENTIO. >_> Basta, content t-thee, fow I have it f-fuww. +W-We have nyot y-yet been >_> seen in any house, +Nyow *hugs tightly* can we be distinguish'd b-by ouw faces +Fow man ow mastew. Then it fowwows t-thus: +Thou shawt be mastew, *screams* Twanyio, in my stead, +K-Keep house and powt and s-sewvants, as I-I ^.^ shouwd; +I wiww some othew be- some F-Fwowentinye, +Some Nyeapowitan, uWu ow m-meanyew man of Pisa. +'Tis hatch'd, and shaww be so. Twanyio, at once +Uncase thee; *looks away* take my cowouw'd hat and cwoak. +When Biondewwo comes, h-he waits on thee; +But I wiww chawm him f-fiwst to :33 keep *sweats* his tongue. +TWANyIO. So had you n-nyeed. [They exchange habits] +xDD In bwief, siw, sith it youw pweasuwe ^.^ is, +uWu And I *looks at you* am tied *looks away* to b-be obedient- +Fow so youw fathew chawg'd m-me at o-ouw pawting: +'Be sewviceabwe t-to my *sighs* son' quoth he, +Awthough I t-think '-'twas in ^.^ anyothew sense- +I am content to be Wucentio, +Because *teleports behind you* so weww I wove *shuffles closer* Wucentio. +WUCENTIO. Twanyio, be so >w< because Wucentio woves; +And wet xDD me uWu be a swave t' achieve that maid +Whose sudden sight hath *sweats* thwaww'd >_> my wounded *sighs* eye. + +Entew BIONDEWWO. + +UwU Hewe comes *looks away* the wogue. Siwwah, whewe have you been? +BIONDEWWO. Whewe h-have I been! Nyay, how nyow! w-whewe awe you? +Mastew, has my fewwow Twanyio stow'n youw cwothes? +Ow you stow'n *shuffles closer* his? ow >w< both? P-Pway, what's the *looks away* nyews? +WUCENTIO. Siwwah, ^.^ come hithew; *teleports behind you* 'tis nyo time ;;w;; to j-jest, +And thewefowe fwame youw mannyews to t-the time. +Youw fewwow Twanyio hewe, t-to save ^w^ my wife, +Puts my *pokes you* appawew and my count'nyance on, +*cries* And I fow my escape have put on his; +Fow in a quawwew s-since I came ashowe +I kiww'd a man, a-and feaw I was :3 descwied. +Wait you o-on him, I chawge you, UwU as becomes, +Whiwe I-I m-make *leans over* way fwom hence to *sighs* save my wife. +You undewstand me? +BIONDEWWO. UwU I, siw? Nye'ew a whit. +WUCENTIO. And n-nyot a jot of T-Twanyio in youw mouth: +T-Twanyio is chang'd i-into Wucentio. +BIONDEWWO. The bettew fow him; wouwd I wewe so too! +TWANyIO. So :33 couwd I, faith, boy, to have t-the nyext wish *looks away* aftew, +That Wucentio indeed *sighs* had Baptista's youngest daughtew. +But, siwwah, nyot fow my *sighs* sake but youw mastew's, I advise +Y-You use youw mannyews discweetwy in aww kind *leans over* of companyies. +When I am a-awonye, why, then I am T-Twanyio; +>w< But in aww *blushes* pwaces ewse *pokes you* youw mastew Wucentio. +WUCENTIO. Twanyio, wet's go. +Onye thing mowe w-wests, that thysewf execute- +To make onye *pokes you* among these wooews. If thou OwO ask me why- +*looks away* Sufficeth, m-my weasons awe both good and weighty. Exeunt + +The Pwesentews above speak + +OwO FIWST SEWVANT. My wowd, you nyod; you do *pokes you* nyot mind the pway. +SWY. Yes, by S-Saint Annye d-do I. A good mattew, suwewy; comes thewe +any mowe o-of >_> it? +PAGE. My wowd, uWu 'tis but b-begun. +SWY. 'Tis a vewy excewwent piece of wowk, madam wady +Wouwd 'twewe donye! [They sit and mawk] + + + + +SCENyE II. +Padua. *moans* Befowe *hugs tightly* HOWTENSIO'S house + +E-Entew PETWUCHIO and his man GWUMIO + +P-PETWUCHIO. V-Vewonya, fow a whiwe >_> I take my weave, +To see ^w^ my fwiends i-in ^.^ Padua; *giggles shyly* but of aww +M-My best bewoved and appwoved fwiend, +*looks away* Howtensio; *leans over* and I twow t-this is *sighs* his house. +Hewe, s-siwwah Gwumio, *moans* knyock, I say. +*teleports behind you* GWUMIO. Knyock, siw! :3 Whom shouwd I knyock? +I-Is thewe any man has webus'd youw wowship? +*giggles shyly* PETWUCHIO. Viwwain, *teleports behind you* I *cuddles you* say, knyock m-me hewe soundwy. +GWUMIO. Knyock you hewe, *giggles shyly* siw? Why, siw, *moans* what am I, siw, that I +shouwd knyock you hewe, siw? +PETWUCHIO. Viwwain, I say, knyock me at ;;w;; this *screams* gate, +A-And wap m-me weww, ow I'ww knyock youw knyave's pate. +GWUMIO. My mastew is gwown quawwewsome. I-I shouwd knyock you fiwst, +And then I k-knyow aftew who comes by the wowst. +PETWUCHIO. Wiww it nyot be? +F-Faith, siwwah, an you'ww *leans over* nyot knyock I'ww wing it; +I'ww uWu twy *pokes you* how xDD you can sow-fa, and sing it. +*notices bulge* [He *cries* wwings >w< him *sweats* by the eaws] +G-GWUMIO. Hewp, mastews, hewp! My mastew is mad. +PETWUCHIO. N-Nyow *leans over* knyock when xDD I bid you, siwwah viwwain! + +Entew HOWTENSIO + +H-HOWTENSIO. *giggles shyly* How nyow! what's *screams* the mattew? My owd fwiend Gwumio and *cuddles you* my +good f-fwiend Petwuchio! How do y-you a-aww at Vewonya? +P-PETWUCHIO. Signyiow Howtensio, come you to ;;w;; pawt the f-fway? +'Con tutto iw *sighs* cuowe ben twovato' may I say. +HOWTENSIO. Awwa OwO nyostwa casa b-ben venyuto, +*blushes* Mowto honyowato signyow mio P-Petwuchio. +Wise, Gwumio, wise; we wiww compound this ^.^ quawwew. +GWUMIO. Nyay, 'tis nyo mattew, siw, what he *leans over* 'weges in Watin. If this +be nyot a w-wawfuw cause *twerks* fow me to *twerks* weave his sewvice- wook you, siw: +he bid me knyock *screams* him and wap h-him soundwy, s-siw. Weww, was it UwU fit +fow a sewvant t-to use *teleports behind you* his mastew so; being, pewhaps, fow aught I +see, t-two and thiwty, a-a p-pip out? +Whom wouwd *teleports behind you* to ^.^ God I h-had w-weww knyock'd at fiwst, +T-Then *blushes* had nyot Gwumio come by the wowst. +PETWUCHIO. *twerks* A sensewess viwwain! Good Howtensio, +^w^ I bade the wascaw knyock upon youw gate, +And couwd nyot uWu get him f-fow my heawt t-to do it. +GWUMIO. Knyock at the gate? O heavens! *giggles shyly* Spake you nyot these wowds +pwain: 'Siwwah knyock me hewe, wap me hewe, knyock *pokes you* me UwU weww, and +knyock me soundwy'? And *blushes* come you nyow w-with 'knyocking at *cries* the gate'? +PETWUCHIO. Siwwah, be gonye, ow tawk n-nyot, I-I advise *teleports behind you* you. +:3 HOWTENSIO. Petwuchio, patience; I a-am Gwumio's pwedge; +Why, >_< this's a heavy chance 'twixt h-him ;;w;; and y-you, +Youw ancient, t-twusty, pweasant sewvant Gwumio. +And teww me nyow, sweet fwiend, w-what h-happy gawe +Bwows you ^w^ to Padua hewe fwom owd x3 Vewonya? +PETWUCHIO. Such wind a-as scattews young men thwough the w-wowwd +*notices bulge* To seek *shuffles closer* theiw fowtunyes fawthew >w< than at home, +Whewe smaww e-expewience gwows. But i-in a few, +x3 Signyiow *shuffles closer* Howtensio, t-thus it stands with me: +Antonyio, my fathew, is deceas'd, +And I have thwust mysewf *looks away* into this maze, +H-Hapwy to wive and t-thwive *sighs* as UwU best I may; +C-Cwowns in my puwse *looks at you* I have, and goods at home, +And so am come abwoad to see the wowwd. +HOWTENSIO. *giggles shyly* Petwuchio, shaww I then *teleports behind you* come woundwy to thee +And wish thee *looks at you* to a shwewd iww-favouw'd wife? +Thou'dst thank me but a wittwe >_> fow *screams* my c-counsew, +A-And ^.^ yet I'ww pwomise t-thee s-she shaww be wich, +And vewy wich; but th'awt too much :33 my fwiend, +And I'ww nyot wish thee to h-hew. +PETWUCHIO. Signyiow Howtensio, 'twixt such fwiends as we +*cuddles you* Few wowds s-suffice; and thewefowe, if thou knyow +Onye *cuddles you* wich enyough to be Petwuchio's wife, +A-As *blushes* weawth *shuffles closer* is buwden of my wooing dance, +Be *notices bulge* she as fouw as was Fwowentius' wove, +As owd as Sibyw, and a-as cuwst and shwewd +As S-Socwates' Xanthippe ow a wowse- +She m-moves me :3 nyot, x3 ow nyot wemoves, at weast, +A-Affection's edge in me, *pokes you* wewe she as >w< wough +A-As awe the swewwing A-Adwiatic seas. +>w< I come *sighs* to w-wive it w-weawthiwy i-in Padua; +If weawthiwy, then happiwy in P-Padua. +GWUMIO. x3 Nyay, wook you, siw, he t-tewws you fwatwy what his mind is. +Why, give him gowd enyough :33 and mawwy *cuddles you* him to a puppet ow a-an +agwet-baby, ow an >w< owd twot with nye'ew a tooth in hew head, though +*moans* she has a-as many diseases as two *giggles shyly* and fifty howses. Why, nyothing +comes >w< amiss, so m-monyey comes withaw. +HOWTENSIO. Petwuchio, since we awe stepp'd thus UwU faw in, +I wiww c-continyue that ^w^ I *notices bulge* bwoach'd in *looks at you* jest. +I can, P-Petwuchio, hewp thee to a wife +With xDD weawth enyough, and y-young and beauteous; +Bwought up as best b-becomes a g-gentwewoman; +Hew *screams* onwy fauwt, and that i-is fauwts enyough, +*sighs* Is- that she is intowewabwe cuwst, +And s-shwewd and fwowawd so >w< beyond aww measuwe +That, :33 wewe my *sweats* state faw wowsew x3 than it is, +I wouwd nyot wed hew fow a minye of gowd. +PETWUCHIO. Howtensio, x3 peace! OwO thou knyow'st nyot gowd's effect. +Teww me hew fathew's n-nyame, a-and 'tis enyough; +*shuffles closer* Fow I wiww boawd h-hew though she uWu chide as woud +*giggles shyly* As thundew when the cwouds in autumn cwack. +HOWTENSIO. Hew fathew is Baptista M-Minyowa, +An a-affabwe and couwteous gentweman; +uWu Hew *moans* nyame is Kathewinya M-Minyowa, +Wenyown'd in Padua fow ^.^ hew scowding tongue. +PETWUCHIO. I knyow hew fathew, though I *moans* knyow nyot >_> hew; +A-And he knyew *sweats* my deceased fathew weww. +I wiww nyot sweep, Howtensio, tiww I s-see *cries* hew; +And thewefowe wet me be thus bowd with you +To give you ovew *cries* at this fiwst encountew, +Unwess *sighs* you wiww accompany me thithew. +*leans over* GWUMIO. I pway you, siw, UwU wet him go whiwe *notices bulge* the h-humouw wasts. O' my +wowd, *blushes* and she knyew him as weww a-as I-I do, she wouwd t-think scowding +wouwd *sighs* do wittwe good upon him. She may ;;w;; pewhaps caww him hawf a-a +scowe >w< knyaves ow so. Why, t-that's nyothing; and he begin once, he'ww +waiw in his wope-twicks. I'ww *sweats* teww you what, siw: an she s-stand +him but a-a wittwe, he wiww thwow a f-figuwe i-in hew face, and so +d-disfiguwe hew with it that she shaww have nyo *sweats* mowe e-eyes to see +withaw *screams* than a cat. You *teleports behind you* knyow him nyot, siw. +HOWTENSIO. Tawwy, *giggles shyly* Petwuchio, ^.^ I must >_> go with thee, +Fow in Baptista's keep my tweasuwe is. +He hath the jewew of my wife in howd, +His youngest daughtew, beautifuw B-Bianca; +And h-hew withhowds fwom m-me, and othew mowe, +Suitows *teleports behind you* to hew and wivaws in my wove; +*giggles shyly* Supposing it *moans* a thing impossibwe- +F-Fow those defects *shuffles closer* I have befowe weheaws'd- +That evew K-Kathewinya w-wiww b-be w-woo'd. +Thewefowe this owdew h-hath Baptista ta'en, +That nyonye shaww h-have access unto Bianca +T-Tiww Kathewinye the cuwst have got a-a h-husband. +GWUMIO. Kathewinye the cuwst! +*sighs* A titwe f-fow a maid *cuddles you* of aww titwes the wowst. +HOWTENSIO. Nyow shaww my f-fwiend Petwuchio do me g-gwace, +And offew me disguis'd in sobew w-wobes +To owd *twerks* Baptista as *teleports behind you* a ^w^ schoowmastew +Weww seen in music, to instwuct Bianca; +That so I may x3 by >w< this device at weast +Have weave and w-weisuwe to m-make wove to hew, +And unsuspected *looks at you* couwt hew by hewsewf. + +Entew *screams* GWEMIO with WUCENTIO *looks at you* disguised a-as CAMBIO + +G-GWUMIO. H-Hewe's nyo knyavewy! See, to beguiwe the owd f-fowks, how the +young fowks way theiw heads t-togethew! Mastew, mastew, wook about +y-you. Who g-goes thewe, *giggles shyly* ha? +HOWTENSIO. UwU Peace, Gwumio! ;;w;; It is the wivaw of my wove. Petwuchio, +stand by awhiwe. +GWUMIO. A >w< pwopew stwipwing, and an *sighs* amowous! +[They stand aside] +G-GWEMIO. O, vewy weww; I have pewus'd *sighs* the n-nyote. +Hawk you, *twerks* siw; I'ww have them vewy faiwwy bound- +Aww books of wove, see that at a-any uWu hand; +And see you wead nyo othew wectuwes *notices bulge* to hew. +You u-undewstand me- ovew and *sweats* beside +Signyiow Baptista's *notices bulge* wibewawity, +I'ww mend it with a wawgess. Take youw papew too, +And wet me have them vewy weww *twerks* pewfum'd; +Fow she *blushes* is sweetew than pewfume i-itsewf +T-To whom they go to. What wiww you wead to hew? +*blushes* WUCENTIO. Whate'ew I wead *looks away* to hew, I'ww pwead fow you +As fow my patwon, stand xDD you so assuw'd, +As fiwmwy as youwsewf wewe stiww in pwace; +Yea, a-and pewhaps with mowe s-successfuw w-wowds +Than you, *blushes* unwess you wewe a schowaw, s-siw. +G-GWEMIO. O this weawnying, w-what a thing it is! +GWUMIO. O this woodcock, what a-an ass i-it is! +PETWUCHIO. Peace, siwwah! +HOWTENSIO. Gwumio, mum! [Coming fowwawd] +God save you, Signyiow Gwemio! +GWEMIO. And you awe weww met, Signyiow UwU Howtensio. +Twow y-you whithew *screams* I a-am going? To B-Baptista Minyowa. +I *looks at you* pwomis'd to enquiwe cawefuwwy +About a schoowmastew fow *sighs* the f-faiw Bianca; +And by g-good fowtunye *leans over* I have wighted weww +On this young man; fow weawnying and b-behaviouw +F-Fit fow hew t-tuwn, weww wead i-in poetwy +A-And othew books- *hugs tightly* good onyes, I wawwant ye. +HOWTENSIO. 'Tis w-weww; *twerks* and *pokes you* I :3 have met a gentweman +:3 Hath pwomis'd me to hewp me to anyothew, +*screams* A finye musician to *looks at you* instwuct ouw m-mistwess; +So s-shaww I nyo :3 whit be behind in *giggles shyly* duty +To faiw Bianca, so bewoved of me. +GWEMIO. Bewoved of me- and that my deeds shaww pwove. +GWUMIO. >_< And that his bags UwU shaww pwove. +HOWTENSIO. Gwemio, 'tis nyow nyo time >_< to *cries* vent *pokes you* ouw *shuffles closer* wove. +x3 Wisten to *shuffles closer* me, and if y-you speak me >w< faiw +*screams* I'ww teww you nyews indiffewent good f-fow eithew. +H-Hewe is a >_< gentweman whom b-by chance I-I met, +U-Upon agweement fwom us to h-his w-wiking, +Wiww undewtake to woo >_< cuwst K-Kathewinye; +Yea, and to mawwy hew, i-if h-hew dowwy pwease. +GWEMIO. So *hugs tightly* said, so donye, is weww. +H-Howtensio, have *looks at you* you towd him aww hew f-fauwts? +PETWUCHIO. UwU I knyow she is uWu an iwksome bwawwing *screams* scowd; +If that *sighs* be aww, mastews, I heaw nyo ^.^ hawm. +GWEMIO. Nyo, say'st me so, f-fwiend? What countwyman? +PETWUCHIO. Bown in Vewonya, o-owd Antonyio's son. +*shuffles closer* My fathew dead, my fowtunye w-wives *cries* fow m-me; +And I do hope good days *looks at you* and wong to see. +GWEMIO. O Siw, OwO such a wife with such a-a wife wewe stwange! +But if you have a-a stomach, to't a God's nyame; +Y-You shaww h-have me assisting you in x3 aww. +B-But wiww *leans over* you woo this *blushes* wiwd-cat? +PETWUCHIO. Wiww I w-wive? +GWUMIO. W-Wiww he *looks away* woo hew? Ay, UwU ow I'ww hang hew. +PETWUCHIO. Why c-came I hithew *looks at you* but ;;w;; to that *looks away* intent? +T-Think you a wittwe din can *notices bulge* daunt minye eaws? +Have I nyot in my *hugs tightly* time heawd wions woaw? +;;w;; Have I nyot heawd the sea, puff'd up with winds, +Wage wike an angwy *looks away* boaw chafed with sweat? +Have I n-nyot *leans over* heawd OwO gweat owdnyance *notices bulge* in the *sighs* fiewd, +And heaven's awtiwwewy thundew i-in the skies? +H-Have I *blushes* nyot in a pitched battwe heawd +Woud 'wawums, n-nyeighing steeds, a-and twumpets' cwang? +And do you teww *cries* me of a woman's tongue, +>_> That gives n-nyot hawf so gweat a bwow t-to heaw +As wiww a chestnyut in a *cries* fawinyew's fiwe? +Tush! tush! feaw boys with bugs. +*moans* GWUMIO. F-Fow he feaws *moans* nyonye. +GWEMIO. Howtensio, hawk: +This gentweman is happiwy awwiv'd, +My mind pwesumes, fow his own good and ouws. +*shuffles closer* HOWTENSIO. I pwomis'd we wouwd be contwibutows +>w< And beaw h-his >w< chawge of wooing, whatsoe'ew. +GWEMIO. And so ;;w;; we wiww- :33 pwovided that he win hew. +GWUMIO. I wouwd I *screams* wewe as suwe of a good dinnyew. + +Entew TWANyIO, xDD bwavewy appawewwed as WUCENTIO, a-and BIONDEWWO + +TWANyIO. Gentwemen, God save you! If I may be bowd, +Teww me, I beseech y-you, which is t-the w-weadiest way +*giggles shyly* To the house *pokes you* of S-Signyiow Baptista Minyowa? +B-BIONDEWWO. He that has the two f-faiw daughtews; i-is't h-he y-you mean? +TWANyIO. Even ;;w;; he, Biondewwo. +*giggles shyly* GWEMIO. Hawk y-you, siw, you mean nyot *hugs tightly* hew to- +T-TWANyIO. Pewhaps him and h-hew, siw; what have you to do? +PETWUCHIO. Nyot h-hew that chides, >w< siw, at any hand, I p-pway. +TWANyIO. I-I wove xDD nyo chidews, siw. Biondewwo, *cries* wet's away. +W-WUCENTIO. [Aside] *looks at you* Weww begun, Twanyio. +*cuddles you* HOWTENSIO. Siw, *sighs* a wowd ewe you *cries* go. +Awe you a suitow to the maid you tawk of, y-yea ow nyo? +TWANyIO. And if I ^.^ be, siw, is it *hugs tightly* any offence? +GWEMIO. Nyo; if without mowe wowds y-you w-wiww get you hence. +TWANyIO. Why, siw, I pway, awe *looks away* nyot *leans over* the stweets *twerks* as f-fwee +Fow me as fow you? +GWEMIO. But so is nyot s-she. + +TWANyIO. Fow what w-weason, uWu I beseech you? +GWEMIO. Fow this weason, if you'ww *giggles shyly* knyow, +That she's the choice w-wove of Signyiow Gwemio. +HOWTENSIO. That she's the chosen of Signyiow Howtensio. +TWANyIO. Softwy, m-my m-mastews! *notices bulge* If you be gentwemen, +Do >_> me this w-wight- heaw *hugs tightly* me with patience. +Baptista *moans* is a nyobwe gentweman, +T-To w-whom m-my OwO fathew is nyot aww unknyown, +*notices bulge* And, wewe his daughtew faiwew *twerks* than she is, +She m-may mowe s-suitows have, a-and me fow onye. +Faiw W-Weda's daughtew had :33 a thousand wooews; +Then w-weww onye mowe ^.^ may faiw Bianca have; +And so she >_> shaww: Wucentio shaww make onye, +Though Pawis came *twerks* in h-hope t-to ^.^ speed awonye. +>w< GWEMIO. >_< What, t-this gentweman wiww *pokes you* out-tawk us aww! +WUCENTIO. Siw, *giggles shyly* give *teleports behind you* him head; I k-knyow he'ww pwove *sweats* a jade. +PETWUCHIO. Howtensio, to what end awe a-aww these wowds? +*blushes* HOWTENSIO. Siw, wet *sweats* me be ^w^ so bowd as a-ask you, +Did you yet e-evew see B-Baptista's ^.^ daughtew? +*sighs* TWANyIO. Nyo, siw, but heaw I-I do *hugs tightly* that h-he hath t-two: +The onye x3 as famous fow a-a scowding ^.^ tongue +As is the othew xDD fow beauteous modesty. +PETWUCHIO. Siw, siw, the fiwst's f-fow me; w-wet hew go by. +GWEMIO. Yea, weave t-that wabouw ^-^ to gweat Hewcuwes, +A-And wet ^w^ it b-be mowe than Awcides' twewve. +PETWUCHIO. S-Siw, u-undewstand you this o-of *teleports behind you* me, in sooth: +The youngest daughtew, whom UwU you heawken fow, +H-Hew >_> fathew keeps fwom aww access of suitows, +And wiww nyot pwomise hew to any m-man +U-Untiw the ewdew sistew fiwst be wed. +The youngew then is *hugs tightly* fwee, and nyot befowe. +TWANyIO. If i-it be so, siw, *giggles shyly* that you awe the man +Must stead >w< us aww, and me *cries* amongst the west; +And if you b-bweak the ice, and do this ^.^ feat, +Achieve the x3 ewdew, set *leans over* the youngew fwee +Fow ouw access- *shuffles closer* whose hap shaww be to have hew +Wiww nyot *giggles shyly* so gwacewess be to be ingwate. +HOWTENSIO. S-Siw, y-you say weww, a-and w-weww >_< you do conceive; +And since you do pwofess to *cuddles you* be a suitow, +You must, as we do, gwatify this gentweman, +To whom we >_> aww west genyewawwy >_< behowding. +TWANyIO. Siw, *cuddles you* I shaww nyot be swack; in sign ;;w;; wheweof, +Pwease ye we m-may contwive this aftewnyoon, +And *leans over* quaff *looks away* cawouses to >w< ouw mistwess' heawth; +A-And do as advewsawies do in waw- +Stwive mightiwy, but eat and dwink as fwiends. +GWUMIO, BIONDEWWO. O e-excewwent m-motion! Fewwows, wet's be gonye. +HOWTENSIO. The *sighs* motion's good indeed, and be it so. +Petwuchio, I s-shaww be youw b-ben venyuto. Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +ACT I-Iw. SCENyE I. +P-Padua. ;;w;; BAPTISTA'S house + +Entew KATHEWINyA and BIANCA + +BIANCA. Good sistew, w-wwong *notices bulge* me x3 nyot, nyow wwong youwsewf, +To *notices bulge* make a bondmaid a-and a *sighs* swave of me- +That *blushes* I disdain; but fow these othew *pokes you* gawds, +Unbind my hands, I'ww puww them off mysewf, +Yea, aww m-my w-waiment, to my petticoat; +Ow what you wiww command me wiww I do, +So weww I knyow my duty UwU to *shuffles closer* my ewdews. +KATHEWINyA. *moans* Of *twerks* aww thy suitows hewe I chawge thee teww +Whom thou :3 wov'st best. S-See thou dissembwe *cuddles you* nyot. +B-BIANCA. Bewieve m-me, *cuddles you* sistew, of aww the men awive +I nyevew yet behewd that speciaw face +Which I couwd >_> fancy m-mowe *moans* than any othew. +KATHEWINyA. Minyion, thou wiest. Is't nyot Howtensio? +B-BIANCA. If y-you affect him, sistew, hewe I sweaw +*hugs tightly* I'ww pwead fow you mysewf but you shaww have him. +*moans* KATHEWINyA. O then, bewike, you ^w^ fancy w-wiches mowe: +You wiww >_> have Gwemio to keep you faiw. +BIANCA. Is it fow him you do envy me so? +Nyay, then you *shuffles closer* jest; and n-nyow I weww pewceive +Y-You have *cuddles you* but jested with me *blushes* aww this whiwe. +I p-pwithee, sistew xDD Kate, untie my hands. +KATHEWINyA. [Stwikes hew] If that be jest, then a-an the west was so. + +Entew ^-^ BAPTISTA + +BAPTISTA. Why, how nyow, *looks at you* dame! W-Whence gwows :3 this OwO insowence? +Bianca, stand aside- ^.^ poow *cries* giww! she weeps. +*hugs tightly* [He u-unbinds hew] +G-Go pwy thy nyeedwe; meddwe nyot *giggles shyly* with hew. +Fow shame, thou hiwding of a deviwish spiwit, +Why dost thou wwong hew that OwO did nye'ew w-wwong thee? +When did she cwoss *looks away* thee with a bittew w-wowd? +KATHEWINyA. Hew siwence ^-^ fwouts me, >_< and I'ww be weveng'd. +[Fwies aftew BIANCA] +BAPTISTA. What, in my sight? Bianca, get thee in. +:33 Exit >_< BIANCA +KATHEWINyA. What, *twerks* wiww you nyot suffew me? Nyay, nyow I see +She is youw tweasuwe, she uWu must have a husband; +I must dance bawe-foot on *sighs* hew wedding-day, +And fow youw wove *shuffles closer* to hew wead apes in heww. +Tawk nyot to me; I wiww go sit and UwU weep, +Tiww I can find o-occasion of wevenge. Exit KATHEWINyA +BAPTISTA. Was evew >_> gentweman thus gwiev'd as I? +But who c-comes h-hewe? + +Entew *leans over* GWEMIO, *shuffles closer* with WUCENTIO in *screams* the habit of >w< a *moans* mean *leans over* man; +PETWUCHIO, with HOWTENSIO as a m-musician; :3 and TWANyIO, +as W-WUCENTIO, with his boy, B-BIONDEWWO, *moans* beawing a w-wute and books + +GWEMIO. Good mowwow, nyeighbouw Baptista. +BAPTISTA. Good *looks at you* mowwow, nyeighbouw Gwemio. +God *giggles shyly* save y-you, *cries* gentwemen! +PETWUCHIO. And y-you, good siw! Pway, have you nyot a daughtew +*leans over* Caww'd Kathewinya, faiw *looks away* and viwtuous? +BAPTISTA. I have a daughtew, siw, caww'd K-Kathewinya. +GWEMIO. You awe too bwunt; go OwO to it owdewwy. +PETWUCHIO. You wwong me, Signyiow ^-^ Gwemio; g-give me weave. +I a-am a gentweman of Vewonya, siw, +*looks away* That, heawing of :33 hew beauty and hew wit, +*looks away* Hew affabiwity and bashfuw modesty, +Hew >_< wondwous quawities and miwd *cries* behaviouw, +Am bowd to show *cries* mysewf ^-^ a fowwawd guest +*sweats* Within youw house, to make minye eye *moans* the witnyess +Of that wepowt which I so *pokes you* oft have heawd. +A-And, fow an entwance to m-my entewtainment, +I do pwesent you with *sweats* a m-man of minye, +[Pwesenting HOWTENSIO] +Cunnying i-in *shuffles closer* music and the m-mathematics, +*cuddles you* To instwuct hew *notices bulge* fuwwy in *shuffles closer* those s-sciences, +*sweats* Wheweof OwO I k-knyow uWu she is nyot ignyowant. +Accept of him, ow ewse you do m-me w-wwong- +His nyame is Wicio, bown in Mantua. +BAPTISTA. Y'awe wewcome, siw, and he f-fow youw good sake; +But fow my daughtew :3 Kathewinye, this I knyow, +She is *screams* nyot fow youw tuwn, the mowe my gwief. +PETWUCHIO. I see y-you do n-nyot mean to pawt w-with h-hew; +Ow ewse you wike *giggles shyly* nyot of my x3 company. +BAPTISTA. Mistake me nyot; I speak but as I-I find. +Whence awe you, siw? What may I caww OwO youw n-nyame? +PETWUCHIO. >w< Petwuchio is my nyame, Antonyio's *notices bulge* son, +A man weww *notices bulge* knyown *cuddles you* thwoughout a-aww OwO Itawy. +BAPTISTA. I-I knyow him weww; you awe wewcome fow his sake. +GWEMIO. Saving youw tawe, Petwuchio, :3 I p-pway, +Wet us t-that awe p-poow petitionyews speak too. +Bacawe! you awe mawvewwous fowwawd. +PETWUCHIO. >_< O, pawdon m-me, Signyiow Gwemio! I wouwd *shuffles closer* fain be doing. +*looks away* GWEMIO. I *giggles shyly* doubt i-it n-nyot, >w< siw; but you wiww cuwse y-youw wooing. +Nyeighbouw, this *shuffles closer* is a gift vewy gwatefuw, I am suwe of it. To +expwess the *screams* wike k-kindnyess, mysewf, that have b-been mowe kindwy +behowding to *blushes* you than any, UwU fweewy give ^-^ unto you this y-young +*twerks* schowaw [Pwesenting WUCENTIO] that hath been wong studying at +Wheims; a-as ^-^ cunnying in Gweek, Watin, and othew wanguages, :3 as the +othew in music and mathematics. His nyame is Cambio. Pway accept +>_< his sewvice. +BAPTISTA. A thousand t-thanks, *giggles shyly* Signyiow Gwemio. Wewcome, good Cambio. +[-[To TWANyIO] But, gentwe siw, methinks you *leans over* wawk wike a *sweats* stwangew. +May I *shuffles closer* be so bowd *sweats* to knyow the cause >_> of youw c-coming? +TWANyIO. Pawdon me, s-siw, xDD the bowdnyess is m-minye own +T-That, being a-a stwangew ;;w;; in this city hewe, +Do make m-mysewf a suitow *moans* to youw daughtew, +Unto Bianca, faiw *cries* and viwtuous. +Nyow is youw fiwm wesowve unknyown t-to m-me +In the p-pwefewment UwU of t-the ewdest *cries* sistew. +*notices bulge* This wibewty i-is *looks away* aww *sweats* that I xDD wequest- +That, upon knyowwedge of my pawentage, +I may have wewcome 'mongst the west that woo, +And fwee access and ^w^ favouw as the w-west. +And *pokes you* towawd the >_> education of y-youw daughtews +I hewe bestow a simpwe instwument, +And this smaww packet of Gweek and Watin books. +If you accept them, then theiw wowth is gweat. +B-BAPTISTA. Wucentio is *sweats* youw nyame? Of whence, I pway? +TWANyIO. O-Of Pisa, uWu siw; son to Vincentio. +*pokes you* BAPTISTA. A m-mighty man of P-Pisa. B-By wepowt +*teleports behind you* I knyow him weww. You awe vewy wewcome, siw. +Take you the wute, and you the set ^-^ of b-books; +You shaww *hugs tightly* go see youw pupiws p-pwesentwy. +Howwa, within! + +Entew a SEWVANT + +x3 Siwwah, wead t-these gentwemen +To my daughtews; and :3 teww them b-both +These awe t-theiw tutows. Bid them use x3 them weww. + +*giggles shyly* Exit SEWVANT weading HOWTENSIO cawwying the wute +and W-WUCENTIO with the books + +We wiww *twerks* go wawk a wittwe i-in t-the owchawd, +And then x3 to d-dinnyew. You awe passing wewcome, +A-And so I pway you aww to think *leans over* youwsewves. +PETWUCHIO. Signyiow Baptista, my businyess asketh haste, +And evewy day I cannyot come to woo. +You k-knyew my fathew weww, a-and in him me, +Weft sowewy heiw t-to >_> aww his wands and goods, +Which I have bettewed wathew than decweas'd. +Then teww me, if I get youw daughtew's wove, +*sweats* What dowwy shaww I have with :3 hew to wife? +:3 BAPTISTA. Aftew my d-death, the :33 onye hawf of my wands +A-And, in possession, twenty thousand cwowns. +PETWUCHIO. And fow that dowwy, I'ww assuwe hew of +Hew widowhood, be it that she suwvive me, +In aww my >_> wands and weases whatsoevew. +Wet speciawities be thewefowe dwawn *notices bulge* between us, +That covenyants may be kept on eithew hand. +BAPTISTA. Ay, when the speciaw thing is weww obtain'd, +T-That is, *teleports behind you* hew >w< wove; fow that is a-aww in *twerks* aww. +PETWUCHIO. Why, >w< that is nyothing; fow I-I teww you, fathew, +I am as pewemptowy as she pwoud-minded; +*looks away* And whewe two waging fiwes *screams* meet togethew, +They do consume the thing that feeds theiw f-fuwy. +Though w-wittwe fiwe gwows g-gweat with wittwe wind, +Yet extweme gusts wiww bwow out fiwe and *giggles shyly* aww. +So I to *giggles shyly* hew, a-and so *teleports behind you* she yiewds to me; +Fow *cuddles you* I am w-wough, a-and woo nyot wike a babe. +BAPTISTA. Weww mayst thou woo, and h-happy *looks at you* be thy speed +But be thou awm'd fow some unhappy wowds. +PETWUCHIO. UwU Ay, to the pwoof, as mountains uWu awe f-fow winds, +That shake nyot though they bwow pewpetuawwy. + +We-entew HOWTENSIO, with his head b-bwoke + +BAPTISTA. How nyow, my fwiend! W-Why *screams* dost thou wook so pawe? +HOWTENSIO. Fow *pokes you* feaw, I pwomise *blushes* you, if I ^.^ wook pawe. +BAPTISTA. What, wiww :33 my daughtew pwove a-a good musician? +HOWTENSIO. I think she'ww soonyew ^.^ pwove a sowdiew: +Iwon may howd *pokes you* with hew, but nyevew wutes. +BAPTISTA. Why, then thou ^.^ canst nyot bweak hew to the wute? +:33 HOWTENSIO. Why, nyo; fow she hath bwoke the wute to me. +I did but teww hew she mistook hew f-fwets, +And b-bow'd hew hand t-to teach hew fingewing, +When, with a :3 most >_< impatient deviwish spiwit, +'Fwets, caww you these?' quoth she 'I'ww fume with them.' +And with that wowd x3 she ^w^ stwuck me on the head, +And thwough the instwument my pate made w-way; +And thewe I OwO stood x3 amazed fow a whiwe, +As o-on a-a piwwowy, wooking thwough the w-wute, +Whiwe she did caww m-me x3 wascaw fiddwew +*twerks* And t-twangwing Jack, w-with twenty such viwe t-tewms, +A-As she had studied to misuse me so. +PETWUCHIO. Nyow, by the xDD wowwd, it is a wusty wench; +I wove hew *cuddles you* ten times mowe than e'ew I did. +O, how ^.^ I wong to have some *moans* chat *leans over* with hew! +*cuddles you* BAPTISTA. Weww, go with me, and b-be nyot so discomfited; +Pwoceed :3 in pwactice with my ^.^ youngew daughtew; +She's apt to weawn, and thankfuw fow good tuwns. +Signyiow P-Petwuchio, wiww y-you go with us, +Ow shaww I send my daughtew Kate to you? +PETWUCHIO. I pway you do. Exeunt *screams* aww but *blushes* PETWUCHIO +I'ww *screams* attend hew hewe, +And woo hew with some spiwit when she comes. +Say that *looks away* she waiw; why, then *blushes* I'ww t-teww hew pwain +She sings as sweetwy as a nyightingawe. +*notices bulge* Say that she fwown; I'ww say she UwU wooks as cweaw +As mownying w-woses nyewwy wash'd with dew. +Say she be mute, and wiww nyot speak a w-wowd; +Then I'ww commend hew v-vowubiwity, +And say she utteweth piewcing ewoquence. +If *cuddles you* she *cuddles you* do bid me pack, I-I'ww give hew thanks, +*cries* As though she bid me stay *moans* by >_< hew a week; +If she deny to w-wed, I'ww cwave the day +x3 When I shaww ask the *notices bulge* banns, and w-when be mawwied. +But hewe she comes; :Wnd.nyow, Petwuchio, speak. + +Entew KATHEWINyA + +Good mowwow, Kate- fow t-that's youw nyame, I heaw. +*teleports behind you* KATHEWINyA. *twerks* Weww have you heawd, but something hawd of heawing: +They caww me *moans* Kathewinye that d-do tawk of me. +PETWUCHIO. You wie, *giggles shyly* in faith, fow y-you awe caww'd *notices bulge* pwain Kate, +A-And bonny :3 Kate, and *notices bulge* sometimes ^-^ Kate the cuwst; +But, Kate, the pwettiest Kate in Chwistendom, +Kate of Kate Haww, my supew-dainty Kate, +Fow dainties awe aww *looks away* Kates, and *blushes* thewefowe, *twerks* Kate, +Take this of me, Kate of m-my consowation- +Heawing thy miwdnyess pwais'd *blushes* in evewy town, +T-Thy viwtues spoke of, *moans* and thy beauty s-sounded, +Yet nyot so deepwy as t-to thee *blushes* bewongs, +Mysewf am *teleports behind you* mov'd to woo thee >_< fow my wife. +OwO KATHEWINyA. Mov'd! *looks away* in good time! Wet him that ^.^ mov'd y-you hithew +W-Wemove you h-hence. I knyew you at t-the f-fiwst +You wewe a *cuddles you* moveabwe. +PETWUCHIO. Why, what's a m-moveabwe? +KATHEWINyA. A join'd-stoow. +*sweats* PETWUCHIO. Thou h-hast hit >_< it. Come, s-sit on *giggles shyly* me. +KATHEWINyA. Asses awe m-made *cries* to *twerks* beaw, and so awe you. +P-PETWUCHIO. W-Women awe made to b-beaw, a-and so a-awe you. +KATHEWINyA. Nyo such jade as y-you, if xDD me *leans over* you mean. +PETWUCHIO. Awas, good K-Kate, I w-wiww nyot buwden thee! +Fow, knyowing thee :33 to be but *shuffles closer* young UwU and wight- +KATHEWINyA. Too wight fow such a swain as you to catch; +And yet as heavy *leans over* as my weight shouwd be. +PETWUCHIO. Shouwd be! shouwd- buzz! +KATHEWINyA. Weww *leans over* ta'en, and *cuddles you* wike a *blushes* buzzawd. +PETWUCHIO. *screams* O, swow-wing'd tuwtwe, shaww a buzzawd take thee? +KATHEWINyA. Ay, fow >_> a tuwtwe, as >w< he t-takes *looks at you* a buzzawd. +PETWUCHIO. Come, c-come, you wasp; *screams* i' :3 faith, you a-awe too angwy. +KATHEWINyA. If I be waspish, best b-bewawe my sting. +OwO PETWUCHIO. My wemedy is then *looks away* to pwuck i-it *notices bulge* out. +KATHEWINyA. Ay, if the foow couwd find it whewe it wies. +PETWUCHIO. *twerks* Who k-knyows nyot whewe a *cries* wasp d-does weaw his sting? +^w^ In his taiw. +KATHEWINyA. In his tongue. +P-PETWUCHIO. Whose t-tongue? +KATHEWINyA. Y-Youws, if *looks at you* you tawk of *sighs* tawes; and so faweweww. +PETWUCHIO. What, *twerks* with my tongue in youw taiw? *sweats* Nyay, come again, +G-Good *twerks* Kate; I a-am a gentweman. +KATHEWINyA. That I'ww twy. [She stwikes him] +*cries* PETWUCHIO. I >w< sweaw I'ww cuff y-you, *sighs* if you stwike a-again. +KATHEWINyA. *screams* So m-may you w-wose y-youw awms. +If you stwike me, y-you awe nyo gentweman; +*screams* And if nyo gentweman, why then nyo awms. +PETWUCHIO. A hewawd, Kate? O, xDD put me i-in thy books! +*sweats* KATHEWINyA. What is *sighs* youw cwest- a coxcomb? +PETWUCHIO. A combwess cock, so *looks away* Kate wiww be my hen. +>w< KATHEWINyA. Nyo cock of m-minye: you cwow t-too wike a cwaven. +PETWUCHIO. Nyay, come, Kate, come; you *blushes* must nyot wook so souw. +*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. It i-is my f-fashion, when I see a-a cwab. +PETWUCHIO. Why, uWu hewe's n-nyo c-cwab; and *moans* thewefowe wook nyot souw. +KATHEWINyA. Thewe is, thewe is. +PETWUCHIO. Then show it me. +KATHEWINyA. OwO Had I a g-gwass :33 I wouwd. +PETWUCHIO. What, you *blushes* mean my face? +KATHEWINyA. Weww aim'd of such a young onye. +PETWUCHIO. Nyow, by xDD Saint Geowge, I am too young fow y-you. +KATHEWINyA. Yet *twerks* you awe withew'd. +PETWUCHIO. '-'Tis with *hugs tightly* cawes. +KATHEWINyA. I cawe nyot. +PETWUCHIO. Nyay, heaw you, Kate- *sweats* in uWu sooth, you scape n-nyot so. +KATHEWINyA. I *twerks* chafe you, if *pokes you* I tawwy; wet me go. +PETWUCHIO. Nyo, *pokes you* nyot a whit; I-I find *sighs* you passing gentwe. +'Twas towd :3 me you w-wewe wough, and coy, and suwwen, +A-And n-nyow I find wepowt a *looks at you* vewy wiaw; +Fow t-thou awt pweasant, gamesome, passing couwteous, +But swow in speech, yet sweet as spwingtime f-fwowews. +Thou canst nyot *hugs tightly* fwown, thou canst x3 nyot wook askance, +Nyow *moans* bite the wip, as angwy wenches wiww, +Nyow hast thou pweasuwe to be cwoss in tawk; +But *sweats* thou UwU with miwdnyess entewtain'st thy wooews; +With gentwe confewence, soft and affabwe. +Why does the wowwd w-wepowt ^.^ that Kate doth wimp? +O swand'wous wowwd! Kate wike the hazew-twig +*giggles shyly* Is ^w^ stwaight and swendew, and as ^.^ bwown i-in h-hue +*giggles shyly* As *twerks* hazew-nyuts, :3 and sweetew than the kewnyews. +O, wet m-me *moans* see *shuffles closer* thee wawk. Thou dost nyot hawt. +KATHEWINyA. Go, foow, a-and whom thou uWu keep'st c-command. +PETWUCHIO. Did evew Dian s-so b-become a-a gwove +As Kate this :33 chambew with hew pwincewy gait? +O-O, *screams* be thou Dian, and wet hew be Kate; +And then wet Kate be chaste, and Dian s-spowtfuw! +KATHEWINyA. Whewe did *teleports behind you* you OwO study aww this goodwy speech? +PETWUCHIO. It is e-extempowe, fwom my mothew wit. +K-KATHEWINyA. A witty mothew! ^.^ witwess ewse hew son. +xDD PETWUCHIO. Am I nyot *hugs tightly* wise? +K-KATHEWINyA. Yes, keep you >w< wawm. +PETWUCHIO. Mawwy, so I mean, sweet *notices bulge* Kathewinye, *leans over* in thy bed. +And t-thewefowe, ^.^ setting aww this c-chat aside, +*looks at you* Thus i-in p-pwain tewms: youw fathew ^w^ hath consented +*looks at you* That you x3 shaww *leans over* be m-my wife youw d-dowwy gweed ^-^ on; +x3 And wiww you, nyiww you, I uWu wiww mawwy you. +*looks away* Nyow, Kate, I a-am a husband fow youw tuwn; +:3 Fow, *screams* by x3 this >_> wight, wheweby I xDD see ^w^ thy beauty, +Thy b-beauty that doth make me w-wike thee weww, +Thou must b-be mawwied to nyo man but *twerks* me; +Fow OwO I am he am bown to tame you, Kate, +And bwing you *screams* fwom a wiwd Kate to a K-Kate +Confowmabwe as ^-^ othew househowd Kates. + +We-entew *cuddles you* BAPTISTA, GWEMIO, and *notices bulge* TWANyIO + +Hewe ^w^ comes :3 youw fathew. Nyevew make denyiaw; +I must and ^-^ wiww have *looks away* Kathewinye to my w-wife. +BAPTISTA. N-Nyow, ;;w;; Signyiow Petwuchio, how speed you with my daughtew? +PETWUCHIO. H-How b-but weww, siw? how but weww? +It wewe impossibwe I s-shouwd speed amiss. +BAPTISTA. Why, how *cries* nyow, daughtew Kathewinye, in youw xDD dumps? +*cries* KATHEWINyA. :33 Caww you me daughtew? Nyow I pwomise y-you +You xDD have s-show'd a t-tendew fathewwy wegawd +To wish me wed to onye hawf wunyatic, +A mad-cap wuffian :33 and *twerks* a sweawing Jack, +That thinks with oaths to face the mattew out. +PETWUCHIO. Fathew, 'tis thus: youwsewf a-and UwU aww *twerks* the wowwd +That t-tawk'd of hew have tawk'd amiss of hew. +If she x3 be cuwst, it is fow UwU powicy, +Fow,she's nyot fwowawd, but m-modest as the dove; +She is *blushes* nyot h-hot, but tempewate as the mown; +Fow patience she w-wiww pwove a second ^.^ Gwissew, +And Woman Wucwece fow hew chastity. +UwU And, to concwude, we have 'gweed so weww togethew +*hugs tightly* That upon Sunday *leans over* is the wedding-day. +KATHEWINyA. :33 I'ww ^.^ see thee hang'd on Sunday fiwst. +GWEMIO. Hawk, Petwuchio; *hugs tightly* she OwO says she'ww see thee hang'd fiwst. +TWANyIO. I-Is this ^.^ youw speeding? Nyay, then good-nyight ouw pawt! +PETWUCHIO. Be patient, gentwemen. I choose hew fow mysewf; +^-^ If she and I be pweas'd, what's :33 that to you? +'Tis b-bawgain'd 'twixt us *cuddles you* twain, being awonye, +That she shaww stiww be cuwst in company. +I teww you 'tis incwedibwe t-to bewieve. +How m-much *moans* she woves m-me- O, the kindest Kate! +She hung about my nyeck, and >_> kiss on kiss +She vied so f-fast, p-pwotesting oath on oath, +That in a :33 twink *blushes* she won me to hew wove. +O, y-you awe nyovices! *pokes you* 'Tis a wowwd t-to see, +H-How tame, when men and *pokes you* women awe a-awonye, +A meacock wwetch c-can make t-the cuwstest shwew. +Give me thy hand, Kate; I wiww unto Venyice, +To buy *screams* appawew 'gainst t-the wedding-day. +Pwovide the feast, fathew, and *sighs* bid the g-guests; +I-I wiww *sighs* be s-suwe my Kathewinye s-shaww be finye. +BAPTISTA. I knyow n-nyot *moans* what to say; but give me youw hands. +*looks away* God send you joy, Petwuchio! 'Tis a-a match. +GWEMIO, TWANyIO. *twerks* Amen, *shuffles closer* say we; we wiww be witnyesses. +PETWUCHIO. Fathew, and wife, and g-gentwemen, adieu. +I wiww *sweats* to Venyice; S-Sunday c-comes apace; +We wiww have wings and things, and finye awway; +And kiss me, K-Kate; we wiww *notices bulge* be mawwied a Sunday. +*cuddles you* Exeunt PETWUCHIO and ^.^ KATHEWINyA sevewawwy +G-GWEMIO. Was *leans over* evew match cwapp'd up so ^w^ suddenwy? +BAPTISTA. Faith, gentwemen, nyow I pway a mewchant's pawt, +And ventuwe madwy on a despewate mawt. +T-TWANyIO. 'Twas *notices bulge* a commodity way fwetting by you; +'Twiww *sighs* bwing you gain, *screams* ow pewish on the seas. +*notices bulge* BAPTISTA. The gain uWu I seek is *cries* quiet i-in the match. +GWEMIO. Nyo d-doubt b-but he hath g-got a quiet c-catch. +But n-nyow, Baptista, to youw youngew daughtew: +Nyow is the d-day we wong have uWu wooked fow; +I *blushes* am youw nyeighbouw, *teleports behind you* and was *teleports behind you* suitow fiwst. +*leans over* TWANyIO. And I a-am onye that wove Bianca mowe +*cries* Than wowds can *shuffles closer* witnyess o-ow youw thoughts ;;w;; can guess. +GWEMIO. Youngwing, t-thou canst nyot wove so *screams* deaw as I. +TWANyIO. Gweybeawd, thy wove doth fweeze. +G-GWEMIO. But thinye doth *sighs* fwy. +Skippew, stand back; 'tis age that nyouwisheth. +*twerks* TWANyIO. But youth in wadies' e-eyes that fwouwisheth. +BAPTISTA. Content *shuffles closer* you, *shuffles closer* gentwemen; *pokes you* I wiww compound t-this stwife. +'Tis deeds must win the pwize, *looks away* and h-he *moans* of both +That c-can a-assuwe *twerks* my daughtew gweatest dowew +Shaww have my Bianca's wove. +Say, Signyiow Gwemio, what can you a-assuwe hew? +GWEMIO. Fiwst, as you knyow, my house within the city +I-Is wichwy fuwnyished with pwate *blushes* and gowd, +*pokes you* Basins and ewews to wave hew dainty hands; +My hangings aww of Tywian tapestwy; +In i-ivowy coffews I uWu have stuff'd my c-cwowns; +In cypwess UwU chests my a-awwas countewpoints, +Costwy appawew, t-tents, and canyopies, +Finye winyen, Tuwkey cushions *looks at you* boss'd w-with peaww, +Vawance of Venyice gowd *screams* in n-nyeedwe-wowk; +Pewtew and bwass, a-and aww things >_< that bewongs +T-To house o-ow housekeeping. Then at m-my fawm +^-^ I x3 have a *pokes you* hundwed *teleports behind you* miwch-kinye to t-the paiw, +Six scowe fat oxen standing i-in my stawws, +And OwO aww things answewabwe to this powtion. +Mysewf am stwuck i-in yeaws, I must confess; +And OwO if I die to-mowwow this is hews, +If whiwst I wive she ^w^ wiww be onwy minye. +TWANyIO. That 'onwy' came weww in. Siw, wist to *notices bulge* me: +I am my f-fathew's heiw and onwy son; +If I may h-have youw daughtew >w< to my w-wife, +I'ww w-weave hew houses thwee ow fouw as good +Within wich UwU Pisa's *blushes* wawws as any o-onye +Owd ^w^ Signyiow Gwemio has in Padua; +Besides two thousand ;;w;; ducats by the yeaw +Of fwuitfuw wand, aww which shaww be hew jointuwe. +What, have I pinch'd you, Signyiow Gwemio? +GWEMIO. Two thousand *looks at you* ducats by the yeaw of wand! +[Aside] M-My wand amounts n-nyot to so m-much *screams* in aww.- +That she shaww have, *notices bulge* besides an awgosy +That nyow is wying in Mawseiwwes woad. +What, *moans* have I chok'd you ^-^ with uWu an awgosy? +TWANyIO. Gwemio, 'tis knyown my fathew hath nyo wess +Than t-thwee gweat *blushes* awgosies, *looks away* besides :3 two gawwiasses, +And twewve *sighs* tight gawweys. These I *sweats* wiww assuwe hew, +>w< And :33 twice as much whate'ew thou off'west nyext. +GWEMIO. N-Nyay, I x3 have off'wed *sweats* aww; *cuddles you* I ^.^ have *leans over* nyo mowe; +And she can have nyo mowe than aww I have; +If y-you *pokes you* wike me, she shaww have me *teleports behind you* and minye. +TWANyIO. Why, then the maid *moans* is minye f-fwom aww the wowwd +By youw fiwm pwomise; Gwemio is out-vied. +^-^ BAPTISTA. I must confess youw offew is the best; +And *hugs tightly* wet youw fathew make hew *notices bulge* the assuwance, +She is youw own. *screams* Ewse, you must *looks away* pawdon me; +*cries* If you *hugs tightly* shouwd d-die befowe *hugs tightly* him, whewe's hew dowew? +*sweats* TWANyIO. That's but a caviw; h-he UwU is owd, *sweats* I *shuffles closer* young. +GWEMIO. A-And m-may nyot young men die as weww as o-owd? +BAPTISTA. Weww, gentwemen, +I am >_> thus uWu wesowv'd: on Sunday nyext you UwU knyow +My d-daughtew Kathewinye *pokes you* is *looks away* to be mawwied; +Nyow, on the Sunday fowwowing shaww Bianca +Be bwide to you, if you *sighs* make *twerks* this *looks at you* assuwance; +If nyot, t-to Signyiow Gwemio. +And *looks away* so *moans* I *sweats* take my weave, and thank you both. +>w< GWEMIO. :3 Adieu, good nyeighbouw. Exit BAPTISTA +Nyow, I feaw thee nyot. +Siwwah young gamestew, youw fathew wewe a foow +T-To give thee aww, and OwO in his wanying age +Set f-foot undew thy *cries* tabwe. Tut, a toy! +An owd Itawian f-fox is nyot so uWu kind, my b-boy. Exit +TWANyIO. A vengeance :3 on youw cwafty withewed h-hide! +Yet I *notices bulge* have fac'd it with a cawd of ten. +'Tis in my head to do uWu my mastew good: +I s-see nyo weason but suppos'd *screams* Wucentio +Must get a *cries* fathew, c-caww'd suppos'd *shuffles closer* Vincentio; +And that's a wondew- fathews commonwy +Do get theiw chiwdwen; but in this case of wooing +A chiwd shaww get a siwe, if I *pokes you* faiw nyot of my cunnying. +Exit + + + + +<> + + + +ACT III. *giggles shyly* SCENyE I. +Padua. BAPTISTA'S house + +Entew WUCENTIO as C-CAMBIO, *shuffles closer* HOWTENSIO as WICIO, and BIANCA + +WUCENTIO. Fiddwew, fowbeaw; you gwow too fowwawd, siw. +Have you so soon fowgot the e-entewtainment +Hew sistew Kathewinye wewcome'd you withaw? +HOWTENSIO. But, wwangwing pedant, this is +The patwonyess of heavenwy hawmony. +Then give me weave to have pwewogative; +And *sweats* when in music *pokes you* we have spent an houw, +*cuddles you* Youw wectuwe shaww have w-weisuwe fow as much. +WUCENTIO. Pwepostewous ass, that nyevew wead so faw +To knyow the *teleports behind you* cause why music was owdain'd! +Was *pokes you* it n-nyot to wefwesh the mind of man +Aftew his studies ow his usuaw pain? +Then give me weave to wead p-phiwosophy, +xDD And whiwe I pause sewve in y-youw hawmony. +HOWTENSIO. S-Siwwah, I wiww n-nyot beaw these b-bwaves of thinye. +BIANCA. Why, gentwemen, you *pokes you* do me doubwe wwong +T-To stwive fow t-that w-which westeth in m-my choice. +I awn *cries* nyo bweeching *looks away* schowaw in the schoows, +I-I'ww nyot be tied t-to houws nyow 'pointed times, +But w-weawn my wessons as uWu I pwease mysewf. +And to ^w^ cut off a-aww s-stwife: hewe *cries* sit we *hugs tightly* down; +T-Take you youw *sighs* instwument, >_< pway you t-the whiwes! +His wectuwe wiww *teleports behind you* be >_> donye ewe you h-have tun'd. +HOWTENSIO. You'ww weave his uWu wectuwe when I am in UwU tunye? +WUCENTIO. That wiww be nyevew- >_< tunye youw instwument. +BIANCA. W-Whewe weft we wast? +WUCENTIO. Hewe, m-madam: +'Hic ibat Simois, hic *screams* est Sigeia *teleports behind you* tewwus, +Hic stetewat Pwiami wegia cewsa senyis.' +BIANCA. Constwue ^.^ them. +WUCENTIO. 'Hic ibat' as uWu I towd you b-befowe- '-'Simois' I am Wucentio- +'hic *cuddles you* est' son unto V-Vincentio of Pisa- 'Sigeia tewwus' disguised +thus t-to get youw wove- 'Hic s-stetewat' and *notices bulge* that Wucentio that +comes a-wooing- 'Pwiami' is my m-man Twanyio- 'wegia' :3 beawing my +powt- 'cewsa senyis' that we might beguiwe the owd pantawoon. +HOWTENSIO. ;;w;; Madam, my ^-^ instwument's in tunye. +BIANCA. W-Wet's heaw. O fie! the *cries* twebwe jaws. +WUCENTIO. Spit in *hugs tightly* the h-howe, man, and tunye again. +BIANCA. Nyow wet me see if I can constwue it: 'Hic ibat Simois' I +k-knyow you OwO nyot- 'hic *shuffles closer* est Sigeia tewwus' I twust y-you n-nyot- 'Hic +s-stetewat *moans* Pwiami' take *screams* heed he heaw us nyot- *notices bulge* 'wegia' pwesume *notices bulge* nyot- +'cewsa senyis' despaiw nyot. +*pokes you* HOWTENSIO. Madam, 'tis *screams* nyow in tunye. +WUCENTIO. Aww but the bass. +>_< HOWTENSIO. The bass is wight; 'tis the x3 base knyave that jaws. +[Aside] How fiewy and fowwawd ouw pedant is! +Nyow, *looks away* fow my wife, the knyave x3 doth couwt my wove. +*sighs* Pedascuwe, I-I'ww watch you bettew y-yet. +BIANCA. In time *cries* I may bewieve, yet :33 I mistwust. +WUCENTIO. Mistwust it nyot- fow suwe, AEacides +Was Ajax, caww'd so fwom h-his gwandfathew. +BIANCA. *sweats* I must bewieve my :33 mastew; ewse, I pwomise you, +*sweats* I shouwd be awguing stiww *giggles shyly* upon that *looks at you* doubt; +But uWu wet >w< it w-west. Nyow, Wicio, t-to you. +Good *shuffles closer* mastew, take it nyot unkindwy, pway, +That I have *looks away* been thus pweasant with you both. +*moans* HOWTENSIO. [To WUCENTIO] Y-You may go wawk and give me weave +a-awhiwe; +My wessons make nyo *sweats* music *screams* in t-thwee Pawts. +OwO WUCENTIO. Awe you so fowmaw, siw? Weww, I must wait, +[Aside] And watch withaw; fow, b-but I be deceiv'd, +Ouw finye m-musician *twerks* gwoweth *sweats* amowous. +HOWTENSIO. Madam, befowe you touch *teleports behind you* the instwument +To weawn the owdew of my f-fingewing, +I uWu must begin with wudiments of awt, +To teach y-you gamut i-in a bwiefew *giggles shyly* sowt, +Mowe pweasant, pithy, and effectuaw, +T-Than hath *teleports behind you* been taught by any of my twade; +And thewe it *teleports behind you* is in wwiting faiwwy dwawn. +OwO BIANCA. Why, I am past my gamut wong ago. +HOWTENSIO. Yet wead the gamut of Howtensio. +BIANCA. *screams* [Weads] +'-'"Gamut" I am, the gwound of aww accowd- +"A we" to pwead Howtensio's passion- +"B mi" Bianca, take him fow thy wowd- +*hugs tightly* "C fa ^w^ ut" that woves with aww affection- +"D sow we" onye cwef, two nyotes have I- +*notices bulge* "E wa mi" s-show pity ow I die.' +Caww y-you this gamut? Tut, I wike it nyot! +Owd fashions x3 pwease me best; *blushes* I UwU am nyot s-so nyice +To change twue wuwes fow *blushes* odd inventions. + +Entew a SEWVANT + +SEWVANT. Mistwess, youw *leans over* fathew pways you w-weave youw books +And hewp to dwess youw sistew's chambew *sighs* up. +You *giggles shyly* knyow *blushes* to-mowwow is t-the wedding-day. +BIANCA. Faweweww, sweet mastews, both; I must be gonye. +*pokes you* Exeunt BIANCA and SEWVANT +WUCENTIO. Faith, mistwess, then I *blushes* have nyo cause to stay. +Exit +HOWTENSIO. But I have *hugs tightly* cause to pwy into t-this pedant; +*screams* Methinks he wooks as though he wewe in >w< wove. +Yet if thy thoughts, Bianca, be so humbwe +To cast t-thy wand'wing eyes on evewy stawe- +;;w;; Seize thee that wist. If once x3 I find t-thee wanging, +HOWTENSIO wiww be quit with thee b-by changing. Exit + + + + +S-SCENyE II. +Padua. Befowe BAPTISTA'So house + +>_< Entew BAPTISTA, GWEMIO, T-TWANyIO as WUCENTIO, KATHEWINyA, BIANCA, +WUCENTIO as CAMBIO, >_< and ATTENDANTS + +BAPTISTA. [To TWANyIO] Signyiow W-Wucentio, t-this is t-the '-'pointed *sweats* day +That Kathewinye and *twerks* Petwuchio shouwd be mawwied, +A-And y-yet we ^.^ heaw nyot of *teleports behind you* ouw son-in-waw. +What wiww be ^w^ said? What *sweats* mockewy wiww UwU it be +T-To *looks at you* want t-the b-bwidegwoom when the pwiest attends +To speak t-the c-cewemonyiaw wites of mawwiage! +What says Wucentio t-to this shame of o-ouws? +KATHEWINyA. Nyo *teleports behind you* shame but minye; I must, fowsooth, be fowc'd +To give my hand, oppos'd against my heawt, +Unto a mad-bwain wudesby, fuww of spween, +*screams* Who woo'd in haste *blushes* and means to wed at weisuwe. +*cuddles you* I towd y-you, I-I, he w-was a f-fwantic foow, +Hiding h-his b-bittew jests in bwunt behaviouw; +And, to *moans* be nyoted fow a mewwy man, +He'ww ;;w;; woo a thousand, 'point *blushes* the day of mawwiage, +Make fwiends invited, and pwocwaim the banns; +*looks at you* Yet nyevew *notices bulge* means to wed w-whewe he hath w-woo'd. +N-Nyow m-must *shuffles closer* the wowwd *looks away* point at poow Kathewinye, +And say 'Wo, thewe is mad P-Petwuchio's wife, +If i-it w-wouwd pwease *blushes* him ^-^ come a-and mawwy hew!' +TWANyIO. Patience, good Kathewinye, and x3 Baptista too. +*giggles shyly* Upon m-my wife, *moans* Petwuchio *shuffles closer* means but weww, +Whatevew fowtunye stays him fwom his wowd. +Though h-he b-be *sweats* bwunt, I knyow him passing wise; +Though he be mewwy, yet withaw he's >_< honyest. +*twerks* KATHEWINyA. W-Wouwd Kathewinye had nyevew seen him t-though! +E-Exit, weeping, fowwowed by *looks at you* BIANCA and othews +B-BAPTISTA. Go, giww, *sweats* I c-cannyot bwame x3 thee nyow to weep, +^.^ Fow such an injuwy wouwd vex a-a vewy saint; +M-Much *sweats* mowe *cuddles you* a shwew of t-thy impatient h-humouw. + +Entew BIONDEWWO + +uWu Mastew, mastew! Nyews, and :33 such owd n-nyews as you nyevew h-heawd o-of! +BAPTISTA. *twerks* Is it nyew and owd too? How *pokes you* may that be? +BIONDEWWO. Why, is it nyot nyews to ^w^ heaw of >w< Petwuchio's *cries* coming? +*moans* BAPTISTA. Is >_< he come? +BIONDEWWO. Why, >_> nyo, siw. +BAPTISTA. What t-then? +BIONDEWWO. He is coming. +BAPTISTA. When wiww he be hewe? +B-BIONDEWWO. When >w< he stands whewe I a-am xDD and sees you thewe. +TWANyIO. But, say, what t-to thinye owd n-nyews? +B-BIONDEWWO. Why, Petwuchio is coming- in *screams* a nyew hat and an owd +jewkin; a p-paiw :33 of owd *notices bulge* bweeches thwice tuwn'd; a paiw of boots +>_> that h-have been candwe-cases, onye ;;w;; buckwed, anyothew wac'd; an owd +wusty ^-^ swowd t-ta'en out o-of t-the town awmouwy, with a bwoken hiwt, +and chapewess; with two bwoken :3 points; *sweats* his howse hipp'd, with an +owd motwey saddwe and :33 stiwwups of nyo *cuddles you* kindwed; *shuffles closer* besides, possess'd +with >w< the gwandews and wike to m-mose in the xDD chinye, twoubwed with +:3 the w-wampass, infected with the fashions, fuww *giggles shyly* of windgawws, sped +with spavins, wayed with the yewwows, past cuwe of the fives, +stawk spoiw'd w-with the s-staggews, begnyawn with *notices bulge* the bots, sway'd ^-^ in +the back a-and shouwdew-shotten, nyeaw-wegg'd :33 befowe, and with a +hawf-cheek'd bit, and a head-staww of sheep's *hugs tightly* weathew which, +being w-westwainyed to keep xDD him fwom stumbwing, hath b-been often +buwst, and nyow wepaiwed with knyots; onye giwth six times piec'd, +and a woman's cwuppew o-of vewuwe, which hath two wettews fow h-hew +nyame faiwwy set down in studs, and *cries* hewe a-and thewe piec'd with +pack-thwead. +BAPTISTA. W-Who comes with him? +BIONDEWWO. O, siw, his *screams* wackey, fow aww the wowwd capawison'd wike +the howse- with a-a w-winyen stock *hugs tightly* on onye weg and a kewsey boot-hose +on the othew, gawt'wed with a wed and *cries* bwue wist; an owd hat, and +the humouw of fowty fancies pwick'd in't fow a feathew; a +monstew, a vewy monstew in appawew, and nyot *teleports behind you* wike a Chwistian +footboy o-ow a gentweman's wackey. +TWANyIO. 'Tis *hugs tightly* some odd humouw pwicks him to t-this fashion; +Yet oftentimes w-wie goes but mean-appaweww'd. +BAPTISTA. *teleports behind you* I am gwad *cries* he's come, howsoe'ew *sighs* he ^-^ comes. +BIONDEWWO. W-Why, siw, *cries* he *hugs tightly* comes n-nyot. +BAPTISTA. *cries* Didst t-thou nyot say he c-comes? +*sweats* BIONDEWWO. *leans over* Who? that Petwuchio came? +BAPTISTA. *looks away* Ay, that Petwuchio came. +BIONDEWWO. Nyo, siw; I say his howse comes with him o-on his back. +BAPTISTA. Why, that's aww onye. +BIONDEWWO. Nyay, >_> by Saint Jamy, +I howd you *sweats* a >_< penny, +A howse *giggles shyly* and a ^-^ man +Is *hugs tightly* mowe than onye, +;;w;; And yet nyot many. + +Entew PETWUCHIO and GWUMIO + +PETWUCHIO. Come, whewe *shuffles closer* be *notices bulge* these gawwants? Who's a-at home? +BAPTISTA. You awe wewcome, siw. +PETWUCHIO. And yet uWu I *sighs* come nyot weww. +BAPTISTA. And y-yet you hawt nyot. +TWANyIO. Nyot so w-weww appaweww'd +As I wish you *blushes* wewe. +PETWUCHIO. Wewe it bettew, I-I *teleports behind you* shouwd wush in thus. +x3 But whewe is K-Kate? Whewe is my wovewy *cuddles you* bwide? +How does my f-fathew? Gentwes, >w< methinks y-you f-fwown; +A-And whewefowe gaze this g-goodwy c-company +As UwU if they ^w^ saw some wondwous monyument, +Some comet o-ow unyusuaw pwodigy? +BAPTISTA. Why, siw, y-you knyow this is youw wedding-day. +Fiwst wewe we sad, feawing y-you wouwd nyot come; +Nyow *cuddles you* saddew, that you come so *giggles shyly* unpwovided. +Fie, doff this habit, shame to youw estate, +An e-eye-sowe to ouw sowemn *hugs tightly* festivaw! +*cuddles you* TWANyIO. And teww *moans* us what o-occasion of impowt +Hath uWu aww so wong detain'd you fwom youw wife, +A-And sent you hithew so u-unwike youwsewf? +*pokes you* PETWUCHIO. Tedious i-it wewe to teww, and *sighs* hawsh t-to heaw; +Sufficeth I am come >w< to keep my wowd, +Though in some pawt e-enfowced to digwess, +Which at m-mowe weisuwe I w-wiww so *looks at you* excuse +As you shaww *moans* weww b-be satisfied x3 withaw. +But *blushes* whewe is Kate? I stay too wong fwom h-hew; +The m-mownying weaws, 'tis time we w-wewe at chuwch. +TWANyIO. See n-nyot youw *leans over* bwide in these ^w^ unwevewent wobes; +Go to my chambew, p-put *twerks* on cwothes of minye. +uWu PETWUCHIO. Nyot I, bewieve *hugs tightly* me; thus I'ww v-visit hew. +BAPTISTA. But t-thus, I twust, you wiww nyot mawwy hew. +PETWUCHIO. Good *pokes you* sooth, *teleports behind you* even t-thus; OwO thewefowe ha' donye with wowds; +To me she's mawwied, *hugs tightly* nyot unto my cwothes. +Couwd I wepaiw what she wiww *giggles shyly* weaw in me +As I can change these p-poow accoutwements, +'Twewe weww fow Kate and bettew fow mysewf. +But what a-a foow am I to chat w-with you, +>_< When I shouwd bid good-mowwow to my bwide +And s-seaw t-the titwe with a UwU wovewy kiss! +Exeunt PETWUCHIO and OwO PETWUCHIO +*cuddles you* TWANyIO. He hath some meanying in his mad attiwe. +We wiww p-pewsuade him, be it possibwe, +To put on b-bettew *sighs* ewe he go t-to chuwch. +BAPTISTA. I'ww aftew him and see the event of this. +Exeunt BAPTISTA, GWEMIO, BIONDEWWO, a-and ATTENDENTS +TWANyIO. But to hew wove concewnyeth *looks away* us to ad +*cuddles you* Hew fathew's wiking; which t-to bwing t-to pass, +As I-I befowe impawted uWu to youw wowship, +I am to get a man- whate'ew h-he be +It skiwws nyot much; we'ww fit him to ouw tuwn- +And he shaww be Vincentio of Pisa, +And make assuwance x3 hewe in Padua +Of gweatew sums than I have pwomised. +So ^.^ shaww you quietwy enjoy youw *cries* hope +>w< And mawwy sweet *looks at you* Bianca with c-consent. +WUCENTIO. Wewe it n-nyot that my fewwow schoowmastew +Doth watch Bianca's steps so nyawwowwy, +'Twewe good, methinks, to steaw ouw m-mawwiage; +Which once pewfowm'd, wet *leans over* aww the wowwd *sighs* say nyo, +I'ww keep minye own despite of aww *notices bulge* the wowwd. +T-TWANyIO. That by degwees *notices bulge* we m-mean to wook into +And ^w^ watch o-ouw *notices bulge* vantage in >w< this businyess; +We'ww :33 ovew-weach the g-gweybeawd, Gwemio, +*looks away* The nyawwow-pwying fathew, *screams* Minyowa, +The quaint musician, amowous Wicio- +Aww f-fow my mastew's x3 sake, Wucentio. + +W-We-entew GWEMIO + +Signyiow Gwemio, uWu came y-you f-fwom *looks away* the c-chuwch? +GWEMIO. As *cries* wiwwingwy as e'ew I came *sweats* fwom schoow. +TWANyIO. And *pokes you* is :33 the bwide and bwidegwoom coming *screams* home? +*sighs* GWEMIO. A bwidegwoom, say *pokes you* you? 'Tis a g-gwoom i-indeed, +A gwumbwing gwoom, and that t-the giww shaww find. +TWANyIO. Cuwstew than she? Why, 'tis *moans* impossibwe. +GWEMIO. Why, he's a deviw, a *cuddles you* deviw, a vewy ^.^ fiend. +TWANyIO. *blushes* Why, she's a *pokes you* deviw, a *hugs tightly* deviw, the deviw's dam. +GWEMIO. Tut, she's uWu a w-wamb, a dove, a f-foow, to *teleports behind you* him! +I'ww teww you, Siw Wucentio: when the pwiest +Shouwd ask *cuddles you* if Kathewinye shouwd be his wife, +'Ay, by gogs-wouns' quoth he, and s-swowe so woud +That, *teleports behind you* aww amaz'd, the pwiest wet faww the book; +And a-as he stoop'd again to take it up, +This mad-bwain'd bwidegwoom took him s-such a cuff +That down feww pwiest >_< and *screams* book, >w< and book and pwiest. +'Nyow take them up,' q-quoth he 'if any w-wist.' +TWANyIO. *shuffles closer* What said the >_> wench, :3 when he wose again? +GWEMIO. Twembwed and ^w^ shook, *blushes* fow why he stamp'd and swowe +As if the vicaw meant to c-cozen him. +But *looks away* aftew *blushes* many cewemonyies donye +He cawws fow winye: '-'A heawth!' quoth h-he, as if +He had been a-abwoad, cawousing to *notices bulge* his mates +A-Aftew a stowm; quaff'd off the m-muscadew, +And OwO thwew the *blushes* sops aww in the sexton's face, +Having nyo othew weason +But *leans over* that his beawd OwO gwew thin and hungewwy +A-And seem'd to ask him sops as he was dwinking. +This donye, h-he took the bwide about the nyeck, +And kiss'd hew wips w-with such a cwamowous smack +*notices bulge* That at t-the pawting aww the chuwch did *giggles shyly* echo. +And I-I, seeing this, came :3 thence fow vewy shame; +And aftew me, I knyow, t-the w-wout is coming. +S-Such a mad m-mawwiage nyevew was befowe. +*cries* Hawk, hawk! I :33 heaw the minstwews pway. [Music pways] + +Entew P-PETWUCHIO, KATHEWINyA, BIANCA, BAPTISTA, H-HOWTENSIO, +GWUMIO, and twain + +PETWUCHIO. *pokes you* Gentwemen and fwiends, I thank you fow youw pains. +I-I knyow you xDD think uWu to dinye w-with me to-day, +And have pwepaw'd gweat stowe of wedding cheew +But so i-it is- ^.^ my xDD haste d-doth caww me *blushes* hence, +And *looks away* thewefowe OwO hewe I-I *screams* mean to take my >_> weave. +BAPTISTA. *cuddles you* Is't possibwe :33 you wiww away to-nyight? +P-PETWUCHIO. I must away to-day befowe ^w^ nyight come. +M-Make it nyo wondew; if you knyew *teleports behind you* my b-businyess, +You wouwd entweat me wathew g-go than stay. +And, honyest company, I thank you aww +That have behewd me give a-away mysewf +To this m-most patient, sweet, *moans* and viwtuous wife. +Dinye OwO with *hugs tightly* my fathew, dwink a *sighs* heawth *leans over* to me. +Fow I must hence; and faweweww to you aww. +TWANyIO. Wet us entweat ^w^ you stay tiww aftew dinnyew. +PETWUCHIO. It may *sweats* nyot be. +GWEMIO. Wet me entweat you. +PETWUCHIO. It c-cannyot be. +KATHEWINyA. xDD Wet me entweat y-you. +PETWUCHIO. I am content. +KATHEWINyA. Awe you content to stay? +PETWUCHIO. I am content you shaww entweat *giggles shyly* me stay; +But *sweats* yet nyot stay, e-entweat *notices bulge* me how ^w^ you can. +KATHEWINyA. Nyow, if you wove me, stay. +PETWUCHIO. Gwumio, my howse. +*looks away* GWUMIO. Ay, siw, :3 they be weady; the oats have e-eaten t-the howses. +KATHEWINyA. Nyay, then, +*sighs* Do *twerks* what thou canst, >_> I wiww nyot go to-day; +Nyo, nyow *pokes you* to-mowwow, nyot t-tiww I pwease mysewf. +The ;;w;; doow is open, siw; thewe wies *leans over* youw way; +You may be jogging whiwes youw b-boots awe gween; +Fow m-me, *sighs* I'ww nyot be gonye tiww I pwease mysewf. +'Tis wike you'ww pwove a j-jowwy suwwy gwoom +That take i-it on you at the fiwst so woundwy. +PETWUCHIO. O Kate, content thee; pwithee be nyot angwy. +KATHEWINyA. I *cuddles you* wiww be angwy; what hast thou to do? +Fathew, be quiet; he shaww s-stay my weisuwe. +GWEMIO. Ay, mawwy, siw, nyow it begins to wowk. +>w< KATHEWINyA. Gentwemen, fowwawd to the b-bwidaw dinnyew. +I uWu see a-a woman may b-be made *twerks* a foow +I-If she h-had nyot *looks at you* a spiwit to OwO wesist. +PETWUCHIO. They shaww go fowwawd, K-Kate, at thy command. +Obey the bwide, you *sweats* that attend on hew; +*teleports behind you* Go to the feast, wevew a-and dominyeew, +Cawouse fuww measuwe to hew m-maidenhead; +B-Be mad and mewwy, ow g-go hang youwsewves. +*leans over* But fow my bonny Kate, she must *pokes you* with me. +Nyay, >_< wook nyot ^w^ big, *teleports behind you* nyow stamp, nyow stawe, n-nyow fwet; +I wiww be mastew of what is m-minye own- +She i-is my goods, my chattews, she is my h-house, +My househowd stuff, *sweats* my fiewd, my bawn, +My h-howse, my ox, my ass, my *sighs* any thing, +UwU And hewe she stands; touch hew ;;w;; whoevew dawe; +I'ww bwing minye action on the pwoudest >_< he +That s-stops m-my way in *leans over* Padua. Gwumio, +D-Dwaw fowth thy weapon; we awe beset with t-thieves; +Wescue thy mistwess, if thou b-be *screams* a man. +Feaw n-nyot, sweet *moans* wench; >w< they shaww nyot t-touch thee, Kate; +I'ww uWu buckwew thee against ^.^ a miwwion. +Exeunt P-PETWUCHIO, K-KATHEWINyA, and GWUMIO +B-BAPTISTA. Nyay, wet uWu them go, a coupwe of quiet onyes. +GWEMIO. Went *giggles shyly* they n-nyot *twerks* quickwy, I *twerks* shouwd die with *shuffles closer* waughing. +TWANyIO. Of a-aww *sighs* mad m-matches, nyevew was the wike. +WUCENTIO. Mistwess, w-what's *shuffles closer* youw opinyion *notices bulge* of youw sistew? +:33 BIANCA. T-That, being mad hewsewf, she's madwy mated. +GWEMIO. x3 I wawwant him, Petwuchio is Kated. +BAPTISTA. Nyeighbouws and fwiends, though *teleports behind you* bwide and *cuddles you* bwidegwoom wants +:33 Fow uWu to *notices bulge* suppwy the *blushes* pwaces at the t-tabwe, +You k-knyow thewe wants nyo junkets *giggles shyly* at the feast. +Wucentio, you shaww suppwy *shuffles closer* the bwidegwoom's pwace; +And wet Bianca take h-hew sistew's woom. +TWANyIO. S-Shaww s-sweet Bianca pwactise how to bwide i-it? +BAPTISTA. *leans over* She shaww, Wucentio. C-Come, gentwemen, wet's go. +Exeunt + + + + +<_> IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +UwU WITH P-PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC A-AND MACHINyE *blushes* WEADABWE COPIES *teleports behind you* MAY *blushes* BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG A-AS SUCH *hugs tightly* COPIES (1) AWE *looks at you* FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (-(2) AWE NyOT D-DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE *sighs* THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +*moans* ACT IV. SCENyE I. +PETWUCHIO'S ^w^ countwy house + +*screams* Entew G-GWUMIO + +GWUMIO. Fie, f-fie on aww tiwed jades, o-on aww mad mastews, and aww +fouw ways! Was evew man s-so beaten? OwO Was *cuddles you* evew man so way'd? Was +evew man so weawy? I am sent befowe to make a fiwe, and they awe +*cuddles you* coming aftew to wawm them. Nyow wewe nyot I a wittwe pot a-and soon +hot, m-my v-vewy wips might fweeze to my x3 teeth, my tongue to the w-woof +of my mouth, my heawt in my bewwy, ewe I shouwd c-come by a f-fiwe to +thaw me. But ^.^ I with *sighs* bwowing the fiwe shaww wawm mysewf; f-fow, +considewing the weathew, *notices bulge* a tawwew man than I w-wiww take cowd. +Howwa, ho! Cuwtis! + +^-^ Entew :3 CUWTIS + +CUWTIS. Who is that cawws so x3 cowdwy? +GWUMIO. A piece *looks away* of ice. If thou *blushes* doubt *looks at you* it, thou m-mayst swide fwom my +*hugs tightly* shouwdew to m-my >w< heew *giggles shyly* with n-nyo gweatew a wun but my head and my +nyeck. A fiwe, good Cuwtis. +x3 CUWTIS. Is my mastew and his w-wife coming, *cries* Gwumio? +G-GWUMIO. O, OwO ay, Cuwtis, a-ay; and thewefowe fiwe, fiwe; cast on *looks at you* nyo +watew. +CUWTIS. Is she so hot a shwew as she's wepowted? +GWUMIO. She was, g-good C-Cuwtis, b-befowe *cries* this fwost; but thou knyow'st +wintew tames man, woman, and beast; fow it hath tam'd my owd +mastew, and ^w^ my nyew m-mistwess, and mysewf, f-fewwow C-Cuwtis. +CUWTIS. :33 Away, you thwee-inch foow! I am nyo beast. +GWUMIO. Am I but thwee inches? Why, thy h-hown is a foot, and so *notices bulge* wong +*cries* am I a-at the w-weast. B-But wiwt thou make a fiwe, o-ow shaww I compwain +o-on thee to ouw mistwess, xDD whose hand- she being nyow at hand- thou +shawt soon feew, to thy cowd comfowt, fow being *looks at you* swow in thy hot +office? +CUWTIS. I *sweats* pwithee, g-good G-Gwumio, teww me how goes the wowwd? +GWUMIO. A cowd wowwd, C-Cuwtis, in e-evewy office but thinye; and +thewefowe f-fiwe. *blushes* Do thy duty, and have t-thy duty, fow my mastew and +mistwess *sweats* awe awmost fwozen to d-death. +CUWTIS. Thewe's fiwe weady; and uWu thewefowe, good Gwumio, the nyews? +GWUMIO. Why, '-'Jack boy! ho, boy!' and *hugs tightly* as much nyews as thou *blushes* wiwt. +CUWTIS. *looks at you* Come, you awe so fuww of cony-catching! +GWUMIO. Why, thewefowe, fiwe; UwU fow I have caught extweme *notices bulge* cowd. +Whewe's the cook? I-Is suppew weady, the house twimm'd, *cries* wushes +s-stwew'd, cobwebs swept, *sweats* the sewving-men in theiw nyew :33 fustian, +theiw white stockings, xDD and evewy officew his wedding-gawment on? +Be the jacks faiw within, the jiwws *shuffles closer* faiw *leans over* without, the ;;w;; cawpets +waid, *notices bulge* and evewything in owdew? +CUWTIS. *twerks* Aww weady; and >_> thewefowe, I pway t-thee, nyews. +*twerks* GWUMIO. Fiwst k-knyow my howse is tiwed; my *cuddles you* mastew and mistwess faww'n +out. +CUWTIS. How? +G-GWUMIO. Out of theiw saddwes OwO into t-the diwt; and *moans* theweby hangs a +tawe. +CUWTIS. Wet's ha't, good *hugs tightly* Gwumio. +GWUMIO. W-Wend *sighs* thinye eaw. +CUWTIS. Hewe. +GWUMIO. Thewe. ^-^ [Stwiking h-him] +CUWTIS. This '-'tis *teleports behind you* to feew a tawe, nyot t-to h-heaw a-a tawe. +GWUMIO. OwO And t-thewefowe 'tis caww'd a sensibwe tawe; :3 and this cuff +was b-but to knyock at youw caw and b-beseech wist'nying. Nyow I begin: +^w^ Impwimis, we *notices bulge* came down a fouw hiww, my mastew widing b-behind my +mistwess- +CUWTIS. *cuddles you* Both of o-onye howse? +GWUMIO. What's that to thee? +*sighs* CUWTIS. Why, a h-howse. +GWUMIO. Teww :3 thou the t-tawe. ^.^ But *leans over* hadst thou nyot cwoss'd me, thou +shouwdst h-have heawd h-how hew howse feww and she undew hew howse; +thou shouwdst h-have heawd in how miwy a-a pwace, how she *shuffles closer* was +b-bemoiw'd, how he weft hew with t-the howse *leans over* upon *giggles shyly* hew, how he b-beat me +because hew howse stumbwed, how she waded thwough *looks away* the diwt *hugs tightly* to +pwuck him o-off me, how he swowe, how she pway'd that nyevew pway'd +*hugs tightly* befowe, how I cwied, how the howses wan away, how hew bwidwe w-was +buwst, how I w-wost my cwuppew- with many things of wowthy memowy, +which nyow shaww d-die in obwivion, and thou wetuwn unyexpewienc'd to +thy *sighs* gwave. +CUWTIS. By this weck'nying he is mowe *twerks* shwew than s-she. +:3 GWUMIO. Ay, and that thou and the pwoudest o-of y-you a-aww shaww :3 find +when he comes home. B-But what tawk *hugs tightly* I of this? Caww *shuffles closer* fowth +Nyathanyiew, J-Joseph, Nyichowas, Phiwip, Wawtew, *looks away* Sugawsop, and the +west; wet theiw heads be sweekwy comb'd, theiw bwue coats bwush'd +and t-theiw gawtews *screams* of a-an indiffewent knyit; wet t-them cuwtsy with +theiw weft wegs, and nyot pwesume t-to touch a haiw of *notices bulge* my mastcw's +howse-taiw tiww they k-kiss theiw hands. Awe they aww weady? +CUWTIS. They awe. +GWUMIO. ;;w;; Caww them fowth. +CUWTIS. Do you heaw, ho? You must meet my *cries* mastew, to countenyance my +mistwess. +*sweats* GWUMIO. Why, *looks away* she hath ^.^ a *moans* face of hew own. +CUWTIS. Who *looks at you* knyows nyot that? +GWUMIO. Thou, it uWu seems, that cawws fow company to countenyance hew. +CUWTIS. I caww *cries* them x3 fowth uWu to c-cwedit hew. +GWUMIO. Why, she comes to bowwow >w< nyothing of them. + +*leans over* Entew fouw ow *sighs* five SEWVINGMEN + +NyATHANyIEW. Wewcome home, Gwumio! +PHIWIP. *moans* How nyow, ^w^ Gwumio! +J-JOSEPH. *pokes you* What, Gwumio! +>_> NyICHOWAS. Fewwow Gwumio! +NyATHANyIEW. How nyow, owd wad! +GWUMIO. *moans* Wewcome, you!- how nyow, *giggles shyly* you!- what, ;;w;; you!- *leans over* fewwow, *giggles shyly* you!- and +thus much fow gweeting. Nyow, x3 my *moans* spwuce companyions, is aww weady, +and *screams* aww things nyeat? +NyATHANyIEW. Aww things is :3 weady. How nyeaw is ouw mastew? +GWUMIO. E'en at *notices bulge* hand, awighted by this; and thewefowe be nyot- +Cock's passion, siwence! I-I *cuddles you* heaw my mastew. + +E-Entew PETWUCHIO and KATHEWINyA + +PETWUCHIO. Whewe be these *pokes you* knyaves? What, nyo man at ;;w;; doow +*sighs* To howd m-my >_< stiwwup nyow to take my *notices bulge* howse! +Whewe is Nyathanyiew, Gwegowy, Phiwip? +AWW SEWVANTS. Hewe, hewe, siw; hewe, siw. +PETWUCHIO. Hewe, siw! hewe, siw! hewe, siw! hewe, siw! +You woggew-headed and unpowish'd gwooms! +What, n-nyo >_< attendance? nyo wegawd? *screams* nyo duty? +Whewe is the foowish knyave I sent befowe? +GWUMIO. Hewe, siw; as foowish as I was befowe. +PETWUCHIO. YOU p-peasant swain! y-you whoweson *cuddles you* mawt-howse dwudge! +Did I nyot bid thee meet me *moans* in the pawk +And b-bwing awong these wascaw ^.^ knyaves with thee? +GWUMIO. Nyathanyiew's *pokes you* coat, siw, was nyot fuwwy *pokes you* made, +And Gabwiew's pumps wewe a-aww unpink'd *sighs* i' th' heew; +Thewe was nyo w-wink to cowouw *notices bulge* Petew's hat, +And *sighs* Wawtew's daggew was >w< nyot come fwom sheathing; +Thewe UwU wewe *shuffles closer* nyonye *leans over* finye but *sweats* Adam, Wawph, x3 and Gwegowy; +The w-west wewe wagged, *cuddles you* owd, a-and b-beggawwy; +Yet, uWu as they *screams* awe, h-hewe awe they come t-to meet you. +PETWUCHIO. Go, wascaws, go and fetch my suppew *giggles shyly* in. +Exeunt some OwO of the SEWVINGMEN + +[Sings] *pokes you* Whewe i-is t-the wife t-that *sighs* wate I w-wed? +Whewe awe those- + +Sit >_> down, *teleports behind you* Kate, a-and wewcome. Soud, *shuffles closer* soud, s-soud, soud! + +We-entew SEWVANTS with suppew + +Why, when, ^-^ I say? Nyay, good sweet Kate, be *looks away* mewwy. +O-Off w-with *shuffles closer* my boots, :33 you *notices bulge* wogues! y-you viwwains, when? + +[Sings] It was t-the fwiaw of o-owdews gwey, +A-As *notices bulge* he f-fowth wawked on his way- + +Out, you wogue! you pwuck my foot awwy; +*moans* Take :3 that, a-and mend t-the pwucking *hugs tightly* off *shuffles closer* the othew. +[Stwikes him] +B-Be mewwy, Kate. S-Some *cuddles you* watew, hewe, what, *sweats* ho! + +E-Entew onye with *leans over* watew + +W-Whewe's my spanyiew *cries* Twoiwus? *cuddles you* Siwwah, get y-you h-hence, +And bid my cousin Fewdinyand come hithew: +Exit *blushes* SEWVINGMAN +Onye, Kate, that you *hugs tightly* must kiss *looks at you* and be acquainted with. +Whewe awe my swippews? Shaww I h-have some w-watew? +Come, :33 Kate, and wash, and wewcome heawtiwy. +You whoweson viwwain! wiww *notices bulge* you UwU wet OwO it f-faww? [Stwikes him] +KATHEWINyA. Patience, I p-pway you; 'twas a fauwt unwiwwing. +PETWUCHIO. A *shuffles closer* whoweson, beetwe-headed, fwap-eaw'd knyave! +Come, Kate, sit down; *hugs tightly* I knyow you have >w< a stomach. +Wiww :33 you g-give thanks, sweet Kate, :3 ow >w< ewse shaww I? +>w< What's ^w^ this? Mutton? +FIWST SEWVANT. Ay. +PETWUCHIO. W-Who bwought it? +PETEW. I. +PETWUCHIO. 'Tis *screams* buwnt; and so is aww *pokes you* the meat. +*looks at you* What dogs awe these? Whewe is the wascaw cook? +How duwst you viwwains *looks at you* bwing it fwom the dwessew +And sewve it thus to me that wove OwO it nyot? +Thewe, take i-it to you, twenchews, cups, and aww; +[Thwows t-the meat, etc., at them] +Y-You heedwess jowtheads and unmannyew'd s-swaves! +*leans over* What, do you gwumbwe? I'ww *hugs tightly* be with *pokes you* you stwaight. +Exeunt SEWVANTS +KATHEWINyA. I pway you, *shuffles closer* husband, be nyot so disquiet; +The meat *hugs tightly* was *looks away* weww, if you wewe so contented. +PETWUCHIO. I teww thee, Kate, 'twas buwnt and dwied *notices bulge* away, +^-^ And I expwesswy am fowbid t-to touch it; +F-Fow it e-engendews c-chowew, pwanteth a-angew; +And bettew 'twewe *looks at you* that both of us did fast, +*sighs* Since, OwO of ouwsewves, ouwsewves awe *moans* chowewic, +Than feed i-it with such ovew-woasted fwesh. +Be patient; to-mowwow 't shaww be mended. +And f-fow t-this nyight we'ww fast fow UwU company. +C-Come, I wiww xDD bwing thee *giggles shyly* to thy bwidaw c-chambew. Exeunt + +;;w;; We-entew SEWVANTS sevewawwy + +NyATHANyIEW. Petew, didst evew *moans* see the wike? +PETEW. ^w^ He kiwws hew in hew *notices bulge* own humouw. + +We-entew CUWTIS + +GWUMIO. Whewe is he? +CUWTIS. In hew ^.^ chambew. Making a s-sewmon of continyency *looks at you* to hew, +*pokes you* And waiws, and sweaws, and w-wates, >_> that she, poow s-souw, +Knyows nyot which way to s-stand, to wook, to speak. +A-And s-sits as onye nyew wisen fwom a dweam. +Away, away! fow he is coming hithew. *moans* Exeunt + +We-entew PETWUCHIO + +*twerks* PETWUCHIO. Thus have I-I powiticwy begun my weign, +And 'tis my *cuddles you* hope to end successfuwwy. +*moans* My fawcon nyow is *twerks* shawp and passing empty. +And tiww she *leans over* stoop she m-must nyot be fuww-gowg'd, +Fow then she nyevew wooks upon *screams* hew wuwe. +A-Anyothew *twerks* way I-I have to m-man my haggawd, +To make hew come, and k-knyow hew keepew's c-caww, +That is, to w-watch hew, as w-we watch these k-kites +*sweats* That b-bate and b-beat, *looks at you* and wiww x3 nyot b-be *hugs tightly* obedient. +She eat nyo meat to-day, nyow nyonye shaww eat; +Wast nyight she swept nyot, nyow to-nyight she shaww nyot; +As x3 with the UwU meat, *looks away* some undesewved f-fauwt +*screams* I'ww find >_< about the making of the bed; +And hewe I'ww fwing the piwwow, thewe t-the bowstew, +This >_< way :33 the covewwet, anyothew way *cries* the UwU sheets; +Ay, and a-amid this huwwy I intend +T-That *shuffles closer* aww is donye in wevewend *moans* cawe of h-hew- +And, in concwusion, xDD she s-shaww watch aww nyight; +^-^ And if she *twerks* chance to nyod I-I'ww waiw and bwaww +And with the *looks away* cwamouw ;;w;; keep hew s-stiww awake. +This is a w-way to kiww a wife with kindnyess, +And *teleports behind you* thus I'ww cuwb hew m-mad and headstwong humouw. +He that UwU knyows bettew how to tame *teleports behind you* a shwew, +Nyow wet him speak; 'tis chawity t-to >_> show. Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Padua. Befowe BAPTISTA'S ^w^ house + +Entew TWANyIO as *sweats* WUCENTIO, and *moans* HOWTENSIO as WICIO + +TWANyIO. Is 't possibwe, fwiend Wicio, :33 that Mistwess Bianca +Doth fancy any othew but Wucentio? +I teww you, siw, she beaws me *sweats* faiw in hand. +HOWTENSIO. Siw, to satisfy you i-in what I ^.^ have said, +>w< Stand by and mawk the m-mannyew of his teaching. +[They stand >_> aside] + +Entew BIANCA, ^.^ and WUCENTIO xDD as C-CAMBIO + +WUCENTIO. Nyow, mistwess, pwofit y-you *cuddles you* in >_> what you x3 wead? +BIANCA. What, mastew, wead you, Fiwst wesowve me that. +WUCENTIO. I wead that I pwofess, 'The Awt to W-Wove.' +B-BIANCA. And may *cries* you p-pwove, siw, ;;w;; mastew of *moans* youw awt! +WUCENTIO. Whiwe you, OwO sweet deaw, pwove mistwess of my heawt. +[They ^-^ wetiwe] +HOWTENSIO. Quick pwoceedews, :33 mawwy! N-Nyow teww me, I-I pway, +You that duwst *blushes* sweaw t-that youw Mistwess Bwanca +*looks at you* Wov'd nyonye in the wowwd so weww as Wucentio. +TWANyIO. O despitefuw *notices bulge* wove! unconstant womankind! +I teww thee, Wicio, this is wondewfuw. +^w^ HOWTENSIO. Mistake n-nyo mowe; ^.^ I am nyot W-Wicio. +Nyow a musician as *looks away* I seem t-to be; +But *cries* onye xDD that scown t-to wive in this disguise +OwO Fow such a onye as w-weaves a gentweman +And makes a god of such a-a cuwwion. +Knyow, s-siw, *shuffles closer* that I am caww'd Howtensio. +*teleports behind you* TWANyIO. S-Signyiow Howtensio, I have often heawd +Of youw ;;w;; entiwe affection to Bianca; +And since minye eyes awe witnyess of hew wightnyess, +I-I wiww with *shuffles closer* you, *looks at you* if you be so contented, +F-Fowsweaw Bianca and hew wove fow evew. +HOWTENSIO. See, how :3 they kiss a-and *shuffles closer* couwt! Signyiow W-Wucentio, +Hewe is my hand, and hewe I fiwmwy vow +:3 Nyevew to w-woo hew mowe, but do fowsweaw hew, +As onye unwowthy aww the fowmew favouws +That I have fondwy fwattew'd hew withaw. +TWANyIO. *screams* And hewe I take the *cuddles you* wike unfeignyed oath, +Nyevew to mawwy with hew though she wouwd e-entweat; +Fie on hew! S-See how beastwy s-she doth couwt him! +HOWTENSIO. :3 Wouwd *notices bulge* aww the wowwd but he had quite fowswown! +Fow me, that I may suwewy keep minye oath, +I wiww be mawwied t-to a weawtwwy widow +Ewe t-thwee days pass, which *cuddles you* hath as wong wov'd m-me +As ^.^ I have wov'd this pwoud disdainfuw *teleports behind you* haggawd. +And so faweweww, ^w^ Signyiow Wucentio. +Kindnyess in women, nyot theiw beauteous *twerks* wooks, +Shaww win my OwO wove; *looks at you* and so I take my weave, +In wesowution as I swowe b-befowe. Exit +*sighs* TWANyIO. Mistwess Bianca, bwess you with such gwace +As 'wongeth to a-a wovew's bwessed case! +*screams* Nyay, I have ta'en you nyapping, gentwe wove, +And h-have fowswown you *shuffles closer* with Howtensio. +BIANCA. Twanyio, you jest; *pokes you* but have y-you both fowswown me? +:33 TWANyIO. Mistwess, we *notices bulge* have. +WUCENTIO. Then we *hugs tightly* awe wid of Wicio. +TWANyIO. I-I' faith, he'ww have a wusty widow nyow, +That shaww be woo'd and wedded in a day. +BIANCA. God give him joy! +TWANyIO. ^.^ Ay, and he'ww tame hew. +>_< BIANCA. He s-says ^.^ so, *sighs* Twanyio. +TWANyIO. Faith, *pokes you* he is gonye u-unto the t-taming-schoow. +BIANCA. T-The t-taming-schoow! What, is thewe such a pwace? +TWANyIO. Ay, mistwess; :3 and P-Petwuchio is *looks away* the m-mastew, +That teacheth twicks eweven and twenty wong, +To tame a shwew and chawm hew chattewing tongue. + +*cries* Entew BIONDEWWO + +BIONDEWWO. O-O m-mastew, mastew, have w-watch'd so wong +*sighs* That I am dog-weawy; but at wast I spied +An ancient angew coming ^w^ down the hiww +Wiww *cries* sewve the tuwn. +TWANyIO. What is h-he, Biondewwo? +BIONDEWWO. Mastew, a m-mewcatante ow a pedant, +I knyow uWu nyot what; b-but fowmaw in ^-^ appawew, +In :33 gait a-and countenyance ^.^ suwewy w-wike a *blushes* fathew. +WUCENTIO. And what of him, T-Twanyio? +TWANyIO. If he be cweduwous and twust my tawe, +I'ww make him gwad to seem V-Vincentio, +And :3 give a-assuwance to Baptista Minyowa +As if he *teleports behind you* wewe the wight *looks at you* Vincentio. +Take in :33 youw wove, and *cuddles you* then wet me awonye. +Exeunt WUCENTIO and B-BIANCA + +*shuffles closer* Entew *moans* a :33 PEDANT + +*blushes* PEDANT. God save you, siw! +T-TWANyIO. And ^w^ you, siw; you awe wewcome. +Twavew you faw on, *shuffles closer* ow awe you at the fawthest? +P-PEDANT. Siw, at t-the fawthest fow a week ow *shuffles closer* two; +But then up fawthew, and *sweats* as faw as x3 Wome; +And *cries* so to Twipowi, *screams* if God wend me wife. +TWANyIO. W-What countwyman, *cuddles you* I pway? +PEDANT. Of :3 Mantua. +TWANyIO. Of Mantua, siw? Mawwy, God fowbid, +And come to *notices bulge* Padua, cawewess of youw *twerks* wife! +PEDANT. My wife, siw! H-How, I pway? Fow :33 that goes hawd. +TWANyIO. *cries* 'Tis death fow any onye in Mantua +To come to P-Padua. Knyow you nyot the cause? +Youw ships a-awe stay'd at Venyice; and the Duke, +Fow pwivate quawwew 'twixt youw D-Duke a-and him, +Hath *looks away* pubwish'd and p-pwocwaim'd *looks at you* it openwy. +'Tis mawvew- but that you awe but nyewwy come, +Y-You might have heawd it ewse pwocwaim'd about. +PEDANT. Awas, siw, it is *cuddles you* wowse f-fow OwO me than so! +Fow I have biwws fow monyey *pokes you* by exchange +*hugs tightly* Fwom Fwowence, and must h-hewe dewivew *looks away* them. +*cries* TWANyIO. *twerks* Weww, siw, *notices bulge* to do you couwtesy, +*twerks* This wiww I d-do, *notices bulge* and this *blushes* I wiww advise you- +Fiwst, t-teww *teleports behind you* me, have you evew been at *hugs tightly* Pisa? +^w^ PEDANT. Ay, siw, in Pisa have I often been, +Pisa wenyownyed fow gwave citizens. +TWANyIO. Among them knyow you onye Vincentio? +>_> PEDANT. I knyow *notices bulge* him n-nyot, but I have heawd of him, +A-A *twerks* mewchant of incompawabwe weawth. +>_< TWANyIO. H-He is m-my fathew, *looks at you* siw; and, x3 sooth to say, +OwO In count'nyance somewhat :3 doth *teleports behind you* wesembwe you. +B-BIONDEWWO. [Aside] x3 As *blushes* much as an appwe d-doth an oystew, *hugs tightly* and aww +onye. +TWANyIO. *teleports behind you* To save youw wife in >w< this *sighs* extwemity, +This *cries* favouw wiww I do you fow his sake; +And t-think it nyot the wowst of aww youw f-fowtunyes +T-That *blushes* you awe wike to UwU Siw UwU Vincentio. +His n-nyame and cwedit shaww y-you u-undewtake, +*pokes you* And in my house you x3 shaww be fwiendwy *cries* wodg'd; +Wook that *sighs* you t-take u-upon you as you shouwd. +xDD You undewstand me, siw. S-So shaww you *teleports behind you* stay +Tiww y-you >_> have xDD donye youw businyess i-in the c-city. +If t-this be couwt'sy, siw, accept of it. +PEDANT. O-O, siw, *cuddles you* I do; and wiww wepute you evew +The patwon *screams* of my wife and w-wibewty. +:33 TWANyIO. T-Then g-go with me to make the mattew good. +This, by the way, I w-wet y-you undewstand: +My fathew is h-hewe wook'd fow evewy day +To pass assuwance of a dow'w in mawwiage +'Twixt me and onye B-Baptista's *looks away* daughtew hewe. +xDD In aww these c-ciwcumstances I'ww instwuct you. +Go with me to cwothe you as becomes you. ^-^ Exeunt + + + + +UwU SCENyE III. +PETWUCHIO'S house + +Entew KATHEWINyA a-and GWUMIO + +*shuffles closer* GWUMIO. Nyo, *cries* nyo, fowsooth; I-I dawe nyot *teleports behind you* fow my wife. +K-KATHEWINyA. The mowe my wwong, the mowe his s-spite appeaws. +uWu What, did he m-mawwy me to famish me? +B-Beggaws that x3 come unto my fathew's doow +U-Upon entweaty h-have a-a pwesent awms; +If nyot, ewsewhewe :33 they meet with c-chawity; +But I-I, who *sighs* nyevew knyew how to entweat, +Nyow nyevew nyeeded UwU that I-I shouwd entweat, +Am stawv'd fow meat, g-giddy fow x3 wack of sweep; +With oaths kept w-waking, OwO and with bwawwing *cries* fed; +And that which spites me mowe than aww these wants- +He does it undew n-nyame *notices bulge* of pewfect wove; +As who shouwd say, if I shouwd sweep ow eat, +'Twewe deadwy sicknyess ow ewse pwesent death. +I-I pwithee go a-and get me some wepast; +I cawe nyot *cries* what, *looks at you* so it be *moans* whowesome food. +GWUMIO. What say you to uWu a nyeat's UwU foot? +KATHEWINyA. '-'Tis passing good; I pwithee wet me have it. +GWUMIO. I feaw i-it is *hugs tightly* too chowewic a meat. +How say you to a fat twipe finyewy bwoiw'd? +KATHEWINyA. I *sweats* wike >w< it ^w^ weww; good Gwumio, f-fetch it me. +GWUMIO. *looks away* I cannyot teww; I feaw *giggles shyly* 'tis chowewic. +*giggles shyly* What say you to a-a p-piece *shuffles closer* of beef and ^-^ mustawd? +KATHEWINyA. >_< A dish that I-I do wove to feed u-upon. +GWUMIO. Ay, but the mustawd is too hot a wittwe. +KATHEWINyA. Why then the *blushes* beef, and wet the mustawd west. +GWUMIO. Nyay, then I wiww nyot; you OwO shaww have the x3 mustawd, +Ow e-ewse you get nyo beef of Gwumio. +KATHEWINyA. Then both, ow onye, ow anything t-thou wiwt. +GWUMIO. Why then the mustawd w-without the b-beef. +KATHEWINyA. Go, get uWu thee g-gonye, *teleports behind you* thou fawse dewuding *moans* swave, +[Beats him] +That feed'st me with *cuddles you* the vewy nyame o-of meat. +Sowwow on thee and aww the pack of you +That t-twiumph t-thus upon my m-misewy! +Go, get thee gonye, I say. + +Entew PETWUCHIO, and HOWTENSIO with m-meat + +PETWUCHIO. How fawes my Kate? *blushes* What, sweeting, a-aww amowt? +HOWTENSIO. Mistwess, what cheew? +KATHEWINyA. >_> Faith, as cowd as can be. +*moans* PETWUCHIO. Pwuck up *teleports behind you* thy spiwits, w-wook cheewfuwwy u-upon me. +Hewe, wove, thou s-seest how diwigent I-I am, +To dwess t-thy meat mysewf, x3 and bwing i-it *notices bulge* thee. +I *looks away* am suwe, s-sweet K-Kate, this kindnyess mewits thanks. +What, nyot a wowd? Nyay, then t-thou wov'st it nyot, +^.^ And a-aww my pains >_> is sowted to nyo pwoof. +Hewe, take *screams* away this dish. +K-KATHEWINyA. I :3 pway you, wet it stand. +PETWUCHIO. The poowest *cuddles you* sewvice is wepaid with thanks; +And so shaww minye, befowe you touch the meat. +K-KATHEWINyA. I thank you, siw. +HOWTENSIO. Signyiow Petwuchio, :33 fie! you awe t-to *teleports behind you* bwame. +Come, M-Mistwess Kate, I'ww beaw y-you c-company. +PETWUCHIO. [Aside] Eat it up aww, Howtensio, if t-thou w-wovest me.- +Much good do it unto thy gentwe heawt! +Kate, eat apace. And OwO nyow, my h-honyey wove, +W-Wiww we wetuwn u-unto thy fathew's house +And wevew it a-as bwavewy as the best, +With siwken c-coats and caps, and gowden wings, +*teleports behind you* With wuffs and cuffs >_> and *giggles shyly* fawthingawes and things, +With scawfs and fans and doubwe change of x3 bwav'wy. +*moans* With a-ambew bwacewets, beads, and aww this knyav'wy. +What, h-hast thou din'd? The t-taiwow stays thy weisuwe, +To deck thy body with his >w< wuffwing tweasuwe. + +Entew TAIWOW + +*sweats* Come, taiwow, wet us s-see these ownyaments; +Way fowth *looks at you* the g-gown. + +Entew H-HABEWDASHEW + +*sweats* What nyews with you, siw? +HABEWDASHEW. Hewe is the cap y-youw wowship :3 did bespeak. +P-PETWUCHIO. Why, this >_< was mouwded on a p-powwingew; +A-A v-vewvet dish. Fie, fie! 'tis wewd a-and *teleports behind you* fiwthy; +Why, 'tis >_> a cockwe ow a wawnyut-sheww, +;;w;; A k-knyack, a toy, a twick, a baby's cap. +Away with i-it. Come, wet me have a biggew. +KATHEWINyA. I'ww uWu have nyo biggew; *twerks* this doth fit the *sweats* time, +A-And gentwewomen w-weaw such caps as *moans* these. +PETWUCHIO. When y-you awe ^.^ gentwe, you shaww have *blushes* onye t-too, +And nyot tiww then. +HOWTENSIO. [Aside] That wiww nyot be in haste. +KATHEWINyA. Why, uWu siw, I-I twust I may have weave to speak; +*looks at you* And *screams* speak I ^.^ wiww. I-I am nyo chiwd, nyo babe. +>w< Youw bettews have enduw'd me say my mind, +And if you cannyot, best you *notices bulge* stop youw eaws. +M-My uWu tongue wiww teww the angew of ^.^ my *cries* heawt, +Ow ewse my heawt, conceawing it, w-wiww ^.^ bweak; +And wathew than i-it shaww, I w-wiww be f-fwee +Even to the uttewmost, *moans* as I pwease, i-in wowds. +PETWUCHIO. Why, thou say'st twue; it is a pawtwy cap, +A custawd-coffin, a baubwe, a s-siwken pie; +I-I wove thee w-weww in t-that thou wik'st it nyot. +KATHEWINyA. Wove me ^-^ ow wove me nyot, I wike the cap; +And it I wiww have, OwO ow I w-wiww have nyonye. Exit HABEWDASHEW +P-PETWUCHIO. Thy g-gown? Why, >_> ay. Come, t-taiwow, *moans* wet u-us see't. +O m-mewcy, God! what masquing stuff i-is *screams* hewe? +What's this? A sweeve? 'Tis wike a-a d-demi-cannyon. +What, *screams* up and down, cawv'd wike a-an a-appwetawt? +Hewe's snyip and *sighs* nyip and cut and s-swish and swash, +Wike to a censew *pokes you* in a-a bawbew's shop. +*teleports behind you* Why, what a deviw's nyame, taiwow, caww'st thou t-this? +HOWTENSIO. [Aside] I *screams* see she's wike to have nyeithew cap nyow gown. +*moans* TAIWOW. You bid me make ;;w;; it owdewwy *sighs* and weww, +Accowding ^-^ to the fashion and the time. +PETWUCHIO. Mawwy, and did; but i-if you b-be wememb'wed, +I d-did nyot bid you maw it to the t-time. +Go, hop me ovew evewy ^.^ kennyew home, +Fow you shaww hop without my custom, siw. +I'ww n-nyonye of *giggles shyly* it; *teleports behind you* hence! make youw best *screams* of *cuddles you* it. +KATHEWINyA. I *twerks* nyevew saw a x3 bettew *leans over* fashion'd gown, +Mowe quaint, mowe pweasing, UwU nyow mowe commendabwe; +Bewike *leans over* you mean to make a puppet of m-me. +PETWUCHIO. Why, *looks away* twue; he means *cuddles you* to make *blushes* a puppet of thee. +TAIWOW. She says youw wowship means >_< to make a *hugs tightly* puppet of uWu hew. +PETWUCHIO. O m-monstwous xDD awwogance! Thou wiest, *cries* thou thwead, thou +thimbwe, +*teleports behind you* Thou yawd, thwee-quawtews, hawf-yawd, q-quawtew, nyaiw, +Thou f-fwea, thou nyit, thou wintew-cwicket thou- +Bwav'd in minye UwU own house w-with a skein of thwead! +Away, thou wag, thou quantity, thou x3 wemnyant; +Ow I shaww so bemete thee with thy yawd +As thou s-shawt think ;;w;; on pwating ^.^ whiwst thou *shuffles closer* wiv'st! +I teww thee, I, *looks at you* that thou hast maww'd *sweats* hew gown. +T-TAIWOW. Youw wowship is d-deceiv'd; *looks away* the gown is UwU made +J-Just as my mastew had diwection. +Gwumio gave owdew how :33 it shouwd be d-donye. +GWUMIO. I g-gave h-him nyo owdew; I-I gave him t-the stuff. +TAIWOW. But how did you desiwe it shouwd b-be made? +GWUMIO. Mawwy, siw, with nyeedwe and thwead. +*teleports behind you* TAIWOW. But *giggles shyly* did y-you nyot wequest to have *twerks* it cut? +GWUMIO. Thou hast fac'd many things. +TAIWOW. I have. +*moans* GWUMIO. Face nyot me. Thou hast bwav'd many men; bwave nyot me. *sighs* I +^.^ wiww nyeithew be fac'd nyow bwav'd. I say *notices bulge* unto thee, I bid t-thy +mastew cut out the gown; but I did nyot bid :33 him cut i-it to pieces. +Ewgo, *notices bulge* thou wiest. +TAIWOW. Why, hewe *teleports behind you* is the nyote of the fashion to testify. +P-PETWUCHIO. :33 Wead it. +GWUMIO. The nyote wies in's thwoat, i-if *moans* he say I said so. +T-TAIWOW. [Weads] 'Impwimis, a woose-bodied gown'- +*looks away* GWUMIO. Mastew, if evew I s-said woose-bodied *leans over* gown, sew UwU me *moans* in the +skiwts of it and beat *teleports behind you* me t-to d-death with a uWu bottom of *shuffles closer* bwown bwead; *moans* I +said a *looks at you* gown. +PETWUCHIO. xDD Pwoceed. +TAIWOW. [-[Weads] 'With ^.^ a smaww c-compass'd c-cape'- +GWUMIO. I confess the *blushes* cape. +TAIWOW. [Weads] '-'With a twunk sweeve'- +G-GWUMIO. I confess two sweeves. +TAIWOW. [Weads] 'The sweeves c-cuwiouswy cut.' +*notices bulge* PETWUCHIO. Ay, thewe's t-the v-viwwainy. +GWUMIO. Ewwow i' th' biww, siw; e-ewwow i' th' biww! I commanded the +sweeves shouwd be cut out, and sew'd up a-again; and t-that I-I'ww +OwO pwove upon thee, though t-thy wittwe f-fingew be awmed in a x3 thimbwe. +TAIWOW. UwU This is twue that I say; an OwO I had thee i-in pwace whewe, thou +shouwdst *notices bulge* knyow it. +GWUMIO. I am *cries* fow thee stwaight; t-take thou the biww, give me t-thy +meteyawd, a-and spawe nyot me. +H-HOWTENSIO. God-a-mewcy, Gwumio! Then he shaww have nyo odds. +PETWUCHIO. Weww, siw, in >w< bwief, the gown i-is nyot fow me. +*shuffles closer* GWUMIO. You awe i' th' wight, s-siw; '-'tis fow my m-mistwess. +P-PETWUCHIO. Go, >w< take >_> it up unto thy mastew's use. +GWUMIO. Viwwain, nyot fow thy w-wife! *looks away* Take uWu up my *leans over* mistwess' gown f-fow +thy mastew's use! +PETWUCHIO. ^-^ Why, siw, ^.^ what's youw c-conceit in that? +G-GWUMIO. O-O, *hugs tightly* siw, *notices bulge* the *hugs tightly* conceit is deepew than you t-think f-fow. +Take up my mistwess' gown t-to his m-mastew's use! +O fie, fie, fie! +PETWUCHIO. [Aside] :3 Howtensio, say thou wiwt see the taiwow paid.- +Go take >_< it hence; :33 be gonye, ^-^ and s-say n-nyo mowe. +*moans* HOWTENSIO. Taiwow, I'ww pay thee *twerks* fow t-thy *blushes* gown to-mowwow; +Take nyo unkindnyess of his h-hasty wowds. +Away, I say; commend m-me to thy mastew. Exit TAIWOW +P-PETWUCHIO. Weww, come, my Kate; w-we wiww unto youw fathew's +Even i-in these honyest mean habiwiments; +Ouw puwses shaww be *cries* pwoud, ouw gawments p-poow; +Fow 'tis the mind that makes the body ^w^ wich; +And as the s-sun bweaks thwough the x3 dawkest cwouds, +So honyouw peeweth >w< in the meanyest ;;w;; habit. +What, is the jay mowe pwecious than the wawk +Because his feathews awe mowe beautifuw? +O-Ow is >_< the addew bettew than the *cries* eew +*looks away* Because his painted skin c-contents the *screams* eye? +O n-nyo, *hugs tightly* good Kate; nyeithew awt t-thou ^w^ the wowse +Fow :33 this *sighs* poow fuwnyituwe and mean awway. +If *screams* thou account'st it shame, ^w^ way >w< it on me; +And thewefowe fwowic; we wiww hence fowthwith +*cries* To feast a-and *screams* spowt us >w< at thy f-fathew's uWu house. +Go caww my men, and wet us stwaight to h-him; +And b-bwing ouw howses u-unto Wong-wanye end; +Thewe wiww we mount, and thithew wawk on foot. +Wet's see; I think 'tis nyow some s-seven o'cwock, +>w< And weww we may *giggles shyly* come thewe by dinnyew-time. +KATHEWINyA. *moans* I dawe :3 assuwe you, siw, *pokes you* 'tis awmost two, +And 'twiww be suppew-time ewe you come thewe. +*cries* PETWUCHIO. It uWu shaww b-be seven >_< ewe *blushes* I go to howse. +Wook what I speak, ow do, ow think to do, +^-^ You *cries* awe stiww c-cwossing it. Siws, wet '-'t awonye; +I wiww nyot go *sweats* to-day; and ewe *cries* I do, +It shaww be what o'cwock I ^-^ say it *moans* is. +HOWTENSIO. *moans* Why, so this gawwant wiww c-command the ^w^ sun. +*blushes* Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE IV. +Padua. Befowe BAPTISTA'S OwO house + +E-Entew TWANyIO as *moans* WUCENTIO, a-and the *shuffles closer* PEDANT dwessed wike *screams* VINCENTIO + +TWANyIO. Siw, this is the house; pwease it you that I caww? +P-PEDANT. Ay, what ewse? And, but I *screams* be deceived, +Signyiow Baptista may wemembew me +Nyeaw twenty yeaws ago in Genyoa, +Whewe w-we wewe *notices bulge* wodgews at the Pegasus. +TWANyIO. 'Tis w-weww; and howd *looks at you* youw o-own, *leans over* in a-any case, +*cuddles you* With such austewity as wongeth to *blushes* a fathew. + +Entew BIONDEWWO + +>w< PEDANT. I xDD wawwant you. *hugs tightly* But, siw, hewe c-comes *cries* youw boy; +'Twewe g-good he wewe schoow'd. +TWANyIO. *teleports behind you* Feaw you nyot him. Siwwah ^w^ Biondewwo, +*giggles shyly* Nyow d-do y-youw ^-^ duty thwoughwy, I advise y-you. +Imaginye 'twewe the wight Vincentio. +*hugs tightly* BIONDEWWO. Tut, UwU feaw nyot me. +TWANyIO. B-But hast thou donye t-thy *teleports behind you* ewwand to *cries* Baptista? +BIONDEWWO. I towd him t-that youw fathew was at Venyice, +And that you wook'd fow him t-this day in Padua. +:3 TWANyIO. Th'awt a *moans* taww fewwow; *shuffles closer* howd thee *notices bulge* that to dwink. +*giggles shyly* Hewe comes Baptista. Set youw c-countenyance, *leans over* siw. + +Entew BAPTISTA, *notices bulge* and WUCENTIO as CAMBIO + +S-Signyiow Baptista, you awe happiwy met. +[To To *cries* the PEDANT] Siw, this is t-the gentweman I towd y-you of; +I pway *looks at you* you stand good fathew to me n-nyow; +*cries* Give me Bianca fow m-my patwimony. +PEDANT. Soft, s-son! +Siw, by youw weave: having come to Padua +To gathew in >_< some debts, my s-son Wucentio +Made me acquainted with a weighty cause +Of wove between youw daughtew *cries* and himsewf; +And- fow the *hugs tightly* good wepowt I-I heaw of you, +And f-fow the w-wove he beaweth to youw daughtew, +And she to :33 him- to stay him nyot too wong, +*blushes* I am c-content, i-in *giggles shyly* a good fathew's cawe, +To have him match'd; and, if you pwease to wike +Nyo :33 wowse than I, upon some agweement +Me shaww you find weady and wiwwing +With onye consent to *notices bulge* have hew so bestow'd; +Fow cuwious I cannyot be with you, +*sweats* Signyiow Baptista, of whom I heaw so weww. +BAPTISTA. Siw, pawdon me in what I have to say. +*giggles shyly* Youw pwainnyess and *pokes you* youw s-showtnyess pwease me *notices bulge* weww. +Wight twue it is youw s-son Wucentio h-hewe +Doth wove my daughtew, and she woveth him, +Ow both dissembwe *looks away* deepwy theiw affections; +A-And t-thewefowe, if *blushes* you *twerks* say nyo mowe than this, +That xDD wike *cuddles you* a fathew y-you wiww deaw with him, +And p-pass my daughtew a-a sufficient dowew, +The match is made, and aww is donye- +Y-Youw son shaww xDD have my daughtew w-with consent. +TWANyIO. I t-thank y-you, siw. Whewe then do you knyow best +We be a-affied, and such assuwance *twerks* ta'en +As shaww ^-^ with eithew pawt's agweement stand? +BAPTISTA. ^.^ Nyot in m-my house, Wucentio, fow you knyow +Pitchews have eaws, and I have many :3 sewvants; +>_< Besides, owd Gwemio is h-heawk'nying stiww, +And happiwy we might be intewwupted. +TWANyIO. Then :3 at my wodging, an it wike y-you. +Thewe doth my fathew wie; and thewe this nyight +W-We'ww pass the businyess pwivatewy and weww. +S-Send fow youw daughtew by y-youw *cuddles you* sewvant hewe; +My *cries* boy shaww fetch the scwivenyew pwesentwy. +The wowst *cuddles you* is t-this, t-that at so swendew wawnying +You awe wike to have *sighs* a thin uWu and *giggles shyly* swendew pittance. +BAPTISTA. It w-wikes *looks away* me weww. Cambio, hie you home, +And ^-^ bid Bianca make hew w-weady stwaight; +And, *screams* if *sighs* you w-wiww, teww what *sighs* hath happenyed- +Wucentio's fathew is awwiv'd in Padua, +And how she's wike to be Wucentio's *hugs tightly* wife. Exit WUCENTIO +B-BIONDEWWO. I pway the gods she may, with aww *pokes you* my heawt. +TWANyIO. Dawwy nyot with the gods, but get thee gonye. +Exit BIONDEWWO +Signyiow *shuffles closer* Baptista, shaww *looks away* I wead the way? +Wewcome! O-Onye mess is wike to be youw cheew; +Come, siw; we wiww bettew it in Pisa. +BAPTISTA. I fowwow you. Exeunt + +We-entew WUCENTIO as CAMBIO, and *cries* BIONDEWWO + +BIONDEWWO. ^-^ Cambio. +^-^ WUCENTIO. What say'st thou, Biondewwo? +BIONDEWWO. You saw *shuffles closer* my mastew wink and *looks away* waugh upon you? +WUCENTIO. B-Biondewwo, what of that? +BIONDEWWO. Faith, nyothing; but has weft me hewe UwU behind to e-expound +the meanying ow mowaw of his signs and t-tokens. +WUCENTIO. I pway :33 thee mowawize t-them. +B-BIONDEWWO. Then thus: Baptista is safe, ^-^ tawking w-with t-the deceiving +fathew of a deceitfuw son. +WUCENTIO. And w-what of h-him? +xDD BIONDEWWO. His daughtew uWu is to be bwought by you UwU to the suppew. +WUCENTIO. *twerks* And then? +BIONDEWWO. The owd p-pwiest :33 at Saint Wuke's chuwch is at youw command +at aww houws. +WUCENTIO. And what of uWu aww this? +B-BIONDEWWO. >w< I cannyot teww, except they awe busied *blushes* about a +countewfeit assuwance. T-Take youw assuwance x3 of h-hew, cum ;;w;; pwiviwegio +ad i-impwimendum *looks at you* sowum; to OwO th' *hugs tightly* chuwch take the pwiest, cwewk, and +*blushes* some sufficient h-honyest witnyesses. +I-If this be nyot that *sighs* you wook *giggles shyly* fow, I have mowe to say, +But bid Bianca faweweww fow evew and a day. +W-WUCENTIO. Heaw'st >_< thou, Biondewwo? +BIONDEWWO. I cannyot >_< tawwy. I knyew a wench mawwied in an >_> aftewnyoon +as >_< she went to the gawden fow pawswey to stuff a *looks at you* wabbit; and so +may you, siw; and so a-adieu, siw. M-My mastew hath appointed me to +go *sweats* to Saint W-Wuke's to bid the pwiest be weady to come against you +come with youw appendix. +Exit +WUCENTIO. I uWu may and wiww, if she *twerks* be so contented. +She w-wiww be pweas'd; then whewefowe shouwd I doubt? +Hap *shuffles closer* what hap uWu may, I'ww w-woundwy go a-about hew; +UwU It shaww go *blushes* hawd if Cambio *twerks* go without hew. *notices bulge* Exit + + + + +SCENyE V. +uWu A pubwic woad + +Entew PETWUCHIO, KATHEWINyA, HOWTENSIO, and SEWVANTS + +PETWUCHIO. Come >w< on, a-a God's nyame; *looks away* once mowe *notices bulge* towawd ouw fathew's. +Good Wowd, how bwight and goodwy shinyes the moon! +KATHEWINyA. The moon? The sun! It is nyot moonwight n-nyow. +*sweats* PETWUCHIO. *giggles shyly* I say it is the moon that shinyes so bwight. +KATHEWINyA. I knyow it is the sun that ;;w;; shinyes so bwight. +^-^ PETWUCHIO. Nyow UwU by my m-mothew's son, and that's >_> mysewf, +It shaww be moon, ow staw, ow what I wist, +*sighs* Ow ^.^ ewe I jouwnyey to youw fathew's house. +*giggles shyly* Go on and fetch ouw howses b-back again. +E-Evewmowe *hugs tightly* cwoss'd and cwoss'd; nyothing but cwoss'd! +HOWTENSIO. ^-^ Say a-as he s-says, *twerks* ow *looks at you* we shaww *screams* nyevew go. +KATHEWINyA. Fowwawd, I pway, s-since we UwU have :33 come s-so faw, +And be it moon, >w< ow *hugs tightly* sun, ow what UwU you pwease; +And if you pwease to caww it a wush-candwe, +*looks at you* Hencefowth I vow it shaww be so fow me. +xDD PETWUCHIO. I say it *cries* is t-the moon. +KATHEWINyA. I knyow *cuddles you* it is *sighs* the moon. +PETWUCHIO. Nyay, then you wie; it is t-the *pokes you* bwessed sun. +KATHEWINyA. Then, God b-be bwess'd, it is t-the *giggles shyly* bwessed sun; +But sun it is nyot, when y-you say *pokes you* it OwO is nyot; +And the moon changes even as youw mind. +What you wiww have it nyam'd, even that it is, +And so i-it ;;w;; shaww be *looks at you* so fow Kathewinye. +HOWTENSIO. Petwuchio, go thy ways, the fiewd is won. +PETWUCHIO. Weww, fowwawd, fowwawd! thus the >_> boww shouwd wun, +And nyot unwuckiwy against the bias. +But, soft! C-Company *twerks* is c-coming hewe. + +Entew VINCENTIO + +[To VINCENTIO] Good-mowwow, gentwe mistwess; whewe *teleports behind you* away?- +Teww me, sweet Kate, and teww me t-twuwy too, +H-Hast thou behewd a f-fweshew gentwewoman? +Such waw o-of *notices bulge* white and wed within hew c-cheeks! +What staws *notices bulge* do spangwe heaven w-with such beauty +A-As those two eyes become that heavenwy face? +Faiw wovewy m-maid, *looks at you* once mowe g-good d-day t-to thee. +Sweet Kate, embwace *pokes you* hew fow hew beauty's sake. +HOWTENSIO. 'A wiww make the man mad, to make a woman of h-him. +KATHEWINyA. Young budding viwgin, faiw and fwesh *moans* and sweet, +Whithew ^.^ away, ow w-whewe i-is thy abode? +Happy t-the pawents of so *shuffles closer* faiw a chiwd; +Happiew t-the m-man whom favouwabwe staws +Awwots thee fow his *hugs tightly* wovewy bed-fewwow. +PETWUCHIO. Why, how nyow, Kate, I xDD hope thou a-awt nyot mad! +This is a man, owd, wwinkwed, faded, xDD withewed, +And *teleports behind you* nyot a maiden, a-as thou sayst he is. +KATHEWINyA. Pawdon, owd fathew, my *giggles shyly* mistaking *looks at you* eyes, +That have been so bedazzwed with the sun +That evewything I-I wook *looks away* on seemeth gween; +Nyow I p-pewceive thou awt *twerks* a *notices bulge* wevewend x3 fathew. +Pawdon, I pway thee, fow my mad mistaking. +PETWUCHIO. Do, good o-owd gwandsiwe, and withaw make *looks at you* knyown +Which way thou twavewwest- if awong with ^-^ us, +We shaww b-be joyfuw of thy company. +>_< VINCENTIO. Faiw >w< siw, and ^-^ you my m-mewwy mistwess, +That with youw stwange encountew much amaz'd me, +My nyame xDD is caww'd Vincentio, my d-dwewwing Pisa, +And bound I am to Padua, thewe to UwU visit +*sweats* A son of minye, which wong I have nyot s-seen. +PETWUCHIO. What is his nyame? +VINCENTIO. Wucentio, gentwe siw. +PETWUCHIO. Happiwy met; the happiew fow thy s-son. +And nyow :3 by waw, as weww as wevewend age, +I :33 may entitwe thee my woving fathew: +The sistew to my wife, this gentwewoman, +Thy s-son by this hath mawwied. :3 Wondew nyot, +*sighs* Nyow be n-nyot gwieved- she is of good esteem, +H-Hew dowwy weawthy, >w< and of wowthy biwth; +B-Beside, so quawified as may b-beseem +The spouse o-of any nyobwe gentweman. +:3 Wet *shuffles closer* me embwace with owd Vincentio; +And *looks at you* wandew *blushes* we to see t-thy honyest s-son, +Who wiww of thy awwivaw be fuww joyous. +VINCENTIO. B-But *giggles shyly* is this twue; ow *shuffles closer* is it ewse youw p-pweasuwe, +Wike *leans over* pweasant twavewwews, to *sighs* bweak a jest +U-Upon the c-company you ovewtake? +*moans* HOWTENSIO. I d-do assuwe thee, fathew, s-so it is. +*cries* PETWUCHIO. Come, *shuffles closer* go awong, *hugs tightly* and see the twuth heweof; +Fow ouw f-fiwst mewwiment ;;w;; hath made thee jeawous. +Exeunt aww but HOWTENSIO +HOWTENSIO. *looks away* Weww, Petwuchio, this has *cries* put xDD me in heawt. +Have to my widow; and if she be fwowawd, +Then hast thou taught Howtensio to be untowawd. Exit + + + + +<_< OF THE C-COMPWETE WOWKS OF WIWWIAM +SHAKESPEAWE I-IS COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 B-BY W-WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY P-PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC *leans over* AND MACHINyE W-WEADABWE x3 COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG A-AS SUCH COPIES *cuddles you* (1) OwO AWE F-FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +*screams* PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND :3 (2) *teleports behind you* AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED O-OW USED +*sweats* COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES *sighs* BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW M-MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. S-SCENyE I. +Padua. Befowe WUCENTIO'S house + +E-Entew BIONDEWWO, WUCENTIO, and BIANCA; GWEMIO is out b-befowe + +BIONDEWWO. Softwy xDD and swiftwy, *giggles shyly* siw, fow the pwiest is weady. +WUCENTIO. I fwy, Biondewwo; b-but they may chance to nyeed t-the at +home, thewefowe *cuddles you* weave us. +BIONDEWWO. N-Nyay, faith, I'ww see the c-chuwch a *giggles shyly* youw back, *cries* and then +come back to my mastew's ^-^ as soon as I can. +Exeunt WUCENTIO, BIANCA, and BIONDEWWO +GWEMIO. I mawvew Cambio comes nyot a-aww *pokes you* this whiwe. + +Entew PETWUCHIO, KATHEWINyA, VINCENTIO, *twerks* GWUMIO, +and A-ATTENDANTS + +PETWUCHIO. S-Siw, xDD hewe's the doow; this is Wucentio's house; +My ^.^ fathew's beaws mowe towawd the mawket-pwace; +Thithew must I, and hewe I weave y-you, siw. +VINCENTIO. You shaww nyot choose but dwink befowe :33 you g-go; +I think I shaww command y-youw wewcome hewe, +And by *giggles shyly* aww wikewihood some cheew is towawd. [Knyocks] +GWEMIO. They'we busy within; ;;w;; you wewe best knyock woudew. +[PEDANT wooks o-out of t-the window] +PEDANT. What's he that knyocks a-as he w-wouwd beat d-down the gate? +VINCENTIO. Is Signyiow *cries* Wucentio within, uWu siw? +PEDANT. He's >_> within, siw, but nyot to be spoken withaw. +VINCENTIO. What if a man *looks at you* bwing him UwU a hundwed pound ow two to make +mewwy *sweats* withaw? +PEDANT. K-Keep ;;w;; youw h-hundwed pounds t-to y-youwsewf; *cries* he shaww nyeed nyonye so +w-wong as I wive. +PETWUCHIO. Nyay, *giggles shyly* I towd you y-youw son was weww bewoved in Padua. Do +you heaw, siw? *teleports behind you* To uWu weave fwivowous ciwcumstances, I-I pway you t-teww +UwU Signyiow *moans* Wucentio that >_< his fathew is come fwom Pisa, :3 and is hewe +at the doow to speak with him. +PEDANT. Thou wiest: ^-^ his fathew is ^-^ come fwom Padua, *twerks* and hewe *hugs tightly* wooking +out at t-the window. +VINCENTIO. Awt thou h-his x3 fathew? +PEDANT. Ay, siw; so h-his mothew says, if I may bewieve h-hew. +PETWUCHIO. *sighs* [To VINCENTIO] Why, how nyow, g-gentweman! +*blushes* Why, *cries* this is fwat knyavewy to take u-upon you anyothew man's nyame. +PEDANT. >_< Way h-hands *twerks* on the *looks away* viwwain; I bewieve *moans* 'a means *sweats* to ^w^ cozen +somebody in *moans* this city undew my countenyance. + +W-We-entew BIONDEWWO + +B-BIONDEWWO. *twerks* I have seen them in the chuwch togethew. God send 'em +good s-shipping! But ;;w;; who is hewe? *teleports behind you* Minye owd mastew, Vicentio! Nyow w-we +awe undonye and bwought t-to nyothing. +VINCENTIO. [Seeing B-BIONDEWWO] Come hithew, cwack-hemp. +BIONDEWWO. I hope I-I may choose, siw. +VINCENTIO. Come hithew, you *cuddles you* wogue. *notices bulge* What, have *sighs* you fowgot me? +>_< BIONDEWWO. Fowgot you! Nyo, *sweats* siw. I couwd nyot *cuddles you* fowget you, fow I-I nyevew +saw you b-befowe in aww my wife. +VINCENTIO. *teleports behind you* What, you nyotowious *notices bulge* viwwain, didst t-thou n-nyevew see *screams* thy +mastew's fathew, Vincentio? +BIONDEWWO. What, *teleports behind you* my >w< owd wowshipfuw owd mastew? Y-Yes, >w< mawwy, siw; see +whewe he wooks out *sweats* of the window. +VINCENTIO. Is't so, indeed? [He beats *notices bulge* BIONDEWWO] +BIONDEWWO. Hewp, hewp, hewp! Hewe's a-a madman wiww muwdew m-me. +Exit +PEDANT. H-Hewp, son! hewp, Signyiow Baptista! Exit *cuddles you* fwom above +PETWUCHIO. Pwithee, Kate, wet's stand aside a-and s-see the end of this +contwovewsy. *blushes* [They stand aside] + +^.^ We-entew P-PEDANT bewow; BAPTISTA, TWANyIO, and SEWVANTS + +TWANyIO. Siw, what awe you that offew to beat my sewvant? +VINCENTIO. W-What *cuddles you* am I, s-siw? Nyay, what awe y-you, siw? O immowtaw xDD gods! +O finye ;;w;; viwwain! A *cuddles you* siwken doubwet, *notices bulge* a vewvet hose, a-a scawwet cwoak, +and a copatain UwU hat! O, I am *pokes you* undonye! I a-am undonye! Whiwe I pway the +good *looks at you* husband *twerks* at h-home, m-my son and my sewvant *moans* spend aww at the +unyivewsity. +TWANyIO. How n-nyow! what's the mattew? +BAPTISTA. *screams* What, is *leans over* the ^-^ man w-wunyatic? +T-TWANyIO. S-Siw, you UwU seem a sobew ancient gentweman by y-youw habit, but +youw wowds *hugs tightly* show you a madman. Why, siw, what 'cewns ;;w;; it you if I +weaw peaww and gowd? I thank my good fathew, I am a-abwe to +maintain it. +*giggles shyly* VINCENTIO. Thy fathew! O viwwain! he i-is a saiwmakew i-in Bewgamo. +BAPTISTA. You mistake, siw; y-you mistake, siw. Pway, what do ^-^ you +think *leans over* is his nyame? +VINCENTIO. His nyame! >_< As if I knyew *hugs tightly* nyot his ^-^ nyame! I have bwought him +up evew since he was >_< thwee yeaws owd, and his nyame is Twanyio. +>_> PEDANT. Away, away, mad ass! His ;;w;; nyame is Wucentio; and h-he is minye +onwy son, and xDD heiw t-to the wands uWu of me, S-Signyiow Vicentio. +VINCENTIO. Wucentio! O, ^.^ he :3 hath *pokes you* muwd'wed his mastew! Way howd on +him, I chawge you, in the Duke's nyame. O-O, m-my son, m-my son! Teww +me, t-thou viwwain, whewe is my son, Wucentio? +T-TWANyIO. Caww fowth *giggles shyly* an officew. + +Entew onye with an OFFICEW + +Cawwy this m-mad knyave to the gaow. Fathew Baptista, I c-chawge you +see that he be fowthcoming. +VINCENTIO. Cawwy me to the gaow! +GWEMIO. S-Stay, Officew; he shaww nyot go *blushes* to pwison. +B-BAPTISTA. Tawk nyot, Signyiow Gwemio; *cries* I *blushes* say h-he shaww *twerks* go to p-pwison. +GWEMIO. Take heed, Signyiow Baptista, west you be cony-catch'd in +this businyess; I dawe sweaw this is the wight Vincentio. +PEDANT. Sweaw i-if thou daw'st. +GWEMIO. Nyay, I dawe UwU nyot sweaw it. +TWANyIO. *cuddles you* Then ;;w;; thou wewt best say >_> that I am nyot Wucentio. +GWEMIO. Yes, I k-knyow thee *leans over* to *cries* be Signyiow Wucentio. +BAPTISTA. A-Away with the dotawd; to the gaow with him! +VINCENTIO. Thus stwangews xDD may be *looks away* haw'd and abus'd. *cuddles you* O monstwous +viwwain! + +We-entew BIONDEWWO, with WUCENTIO and BIANCA + +BIONDEWWO. O, we awe spoiw'd; and *blushes* yondew he is! Deny h-him, *giggles shyly* fowsweaw +him, ow ewse we awe aww undonye. +Exeunt *notices bulge* BIONDEWWO, *cuddles you* TWANyIO, and PEDANT, as fast as m-may be +W-WUCENTIO. [Knyeewing] Pawdon, sweet fathew. +VINCENTIO. Wives my *blushes* sweet son? +BIANCA. Pawdon, deaw fathew. +BAPTISTA. How h-hast thou o-offended? +Whewe is Wucentio? +WUCENTIO. Hewe's Wucentio, +Wight son to *shuffles closer* the wight Vincentio, +That have by mawwiage made thy daughtew minye, +W-Whiwe countewfeit *sighs* supposes bweaw'd thinye eynye. +GWEMIO. Hewe's packing, *notices bulge* with a witnyess, t-to deceive us aww! +VINCENTIO. Whewe *twerks* is that damnyed viwwain, T-Twanyio, +That fac'd ^w^ and bwav'd me in this mattew s-so? +BAPTISTA. W-Why, teww me, is n-nyot this m-my Cambio? +BIANCA. Cambio is chang'd into Wucentio. +WUCENTIO. Wove wwought these OwO miwacwes. Bianca's wove +Made :33 me exchange my state with Twanyio, +Whiwe he ^.^ did beaw my countenyance in the town; +>_> And happiwy ;;w;; I have awwived a-at the wast +Unto the wished haven of my uWu bwiss. +What Twanyio did, mysewf enfowc'd him >_> to; +Then pawdon *shuffles closer* him, sweet UwU fathew, *moans* fow my sake. +VINCENTIO. I-I'ww swit the viwwain's nyose t-that *hugs tightly* wouwd *notices bulge* have sent me t-to +t-the *twerks* gaow. +xDD BAPTISTA. [-[To WUCENTIO] But do uWu you h-heaw, siw? Have you mawwied my +daughtew without asking *twerks* my good wiww? +V-VINCENTIO. Feaw n-nyot, Baptista; we wiww content you, go to; but *screams* I +wiww i-in to be wevenged uWu fow this viwwainy. Exit +B-BAPTISTA. And *moans* I to *moans* sound the depth of this knyavewy. E-Exit +WUCENTIO. Wook ^w^ nyot p-pawe, Bianca; thy fathew wiww nyot fwown. +Exeunt xDD WUCENTIO :33 and BIANCA +G-GWEMIO. M-My cake is UwU dough, but I'ww xDD in among the west; +Out of hope of aww but my shawe of the feast. Exit +KATHEWINyA. Husband, wet's fowwow to *hugs tightly* see the *pokes you* end of *looks away* this *sweats* ado. +PETWUCHIO. Fiwst kiss me, Kate, and >w< we wiww. +KATHEWINyA. What, in the *pokes you* midst of the stweet? +PETWUCHIO. What, awt thou asham'd of me? +KATHEWINyA. Nyo, siw; God fowbid; but a-asham'd to kiss. +PETWUCHIO. Why, ^.^ then, wet's home a-again. Come, >_< siwwah, wet's away. +KATHEWINyA. N-Nyay, I wiww xDD give thee a kiss; nyow pway thee, wove, stay. +PETWUCHIO. Is nyot UwU this weww? Come, my sweet ^.^ Kate: +Bettew once than nyevew, fow nyevew too :3 wate. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +W-WUCENTIO'S *looks at you* house + +Entew BAPTISTA, *screams* VINCENTIO, GWEMIO, t-the PEDANT, WUCENTIO, BIANCA, +PETWUCHIO, KATHEWINyA, HOWTENSIO, and OwO WIDOW. The SEWVINGMEN with TWANyIO, +BIONDEWWO, and GWUMIO, b-bwinging in a banquet + +WUCENTIO. At xDD wast, *sighs* though wong, o-ouw jawwing nyotes agwee; +And time it is ;;w;; when waging waw is donye +T-To smiwe at scapes and p-pewiws ovewbwown. +*sweats* My faiw Bianca, bid my f-fathew wewcome, +Whiwe *hugs tightly* I with sewf-same k-kindnyess wewcome thinye. +Bwothew :33 Petwuchio, *screams* sistew K-Kathewinya, +And thou, ^.^ Howtensio, with thy >w< woving widow, +Feast with the best, and wewcome to my house. +My banquet is to cwose ouw stomachs up +Aftew o-ouw gweat good c-cheew. Pway you, sit down; +Fow n-nyow we sit to chat as weww as eat. [-[They sit] +PETWUCHIO. N-Nyothing but s-sit a-and sit, and eat ^w^ and eat! +BAPTISTA. Padua a-affowds this kindnyess, *twerks* son Petwuchio. +P-PETWUCHIO. *looks at you* Padua :33 affowds :33 nyothing but w-what is kind. +*shuffles closer* HOWTENSIO. Fow both ouw sakes I wouwd that wowd wewe twue. +PETWUCHIO. Nyow, fow my wife, Howtensio feaws his widow. +WIDOW. Then >w< nyevew twust me if I be afeawd. +PETWUCHIO. YOU *screams* awe vewy *looks away* sensibwe, and yet you *moans* miss my sense: +uWu I mean Howtensio is afeawd of you. +W-WIDOW. He that i-is *cries* giddy thinks the wowwd tuwns w-wound. +PETWUCHIO. Woundwy wepwied. +KATHEWINyA. Mistwess, h-how mean you that? +WIDOW. Thus I conceive by uWu him. +P-PETWUCHIO. Conceives by me! How wikes Howtensio that? +HOWTENSIO. M-My OwO widow says t-thus she conceives hew tawe. +PETWUCHIO. Vewy weww mended. Kiss him fow that, good widow. +KATHEWINyA. 'He that is *sweats* giddy thinks *moans* the wowwd tuwns wound.' +I >_< pway you t-teww me what you meant *hugs tightly* by *sighs* that. +WIDOW. Y-Youw husband, b-being twoubwed with a s-shwew, +Measuwes m-my husband's sowwow by his woe; +And nyow you knyow my meanying. +KATHEWINyA. A vewy x3 mean UwU meanying. +WIDOW. Wight, *notices bulge* I mean you. +KATHEWINyA. OwO And I a-am mean, i-indeed, wespecting you. +PETWUCHIO. T-To hew, K-Kate! +HOWTENSIO. To hew, w-widow! +PETWUCHIO. A h-hundwed *hugs tightly* mawks, m-my Kate does put *twerks* hew down. +x3 HOWTENSIO. That's my office. +PETWUCHIO. *hugs tightly* Spoke wike an officew- ha' to t-thee, *pokes you* wad. +*teleports behind you* [Dwinks *looks at you* to HOWTENSIO] +BAPTISTA. How w-wikes Gwemio these uWu quick-witted f-fowks? +GWEMIO. Bewieve me, siw, *looks at you* they butt togethew weww. +BIANCA. Head and *hugs tightly* butt! An h-hasty-witted body +>_> Wouwd say youw h-head and butt wewe head and hown. +V-VINCENTIO. Ay, x3 mistwess bwide, *cuddles you* hath that awakenyed *sweats* you? +BIANCA. Ay, but ^-^ nyot fwighted m-me; ;;w;; thewefowe I'ww uWu sweep again. +PETWUCHIO. Nyay, that you xDD shaww nyot; s-since you h-have begun, +Have at *looks away* you fow a bittew jest ow two. +BIANCA. Am I youw biwd? I mean to >_> shift my *sighs* bush, +And then puwsue *moans* me as you d-dwaw youw bow. +You awe w-wewcome aww. +Exeunt BIANCA, K-KATHEWINyA, and W-WIDOW +PETWUCHIO. She hath pwevented me. UwU Hewe, Signyiow T-Twanyio, +*giggles shyly* This biwd you aim'd at, ^.^ though you hit hew nyot; +Thewefowe a heawth t-to aww that shot a-and miss'd. +TWANyIO. O, s-siw, Wucentio swipp'd me wike *leans over* his gweyhound, +*twerks* Which wuns himsewf, *moans* and c-catches fow his mastew. +*screams* PETWUCHIO. *looks away* A good swift simiwe, but something cuwwish. +TWANyIO. 'Tis weww, siw, t-that you x3 hunted fow youwsewf; +'Tis *notices bulge* thought youw deew does howd you at a bay. +xDD BAPTISTA. O-O, O, Petwuchio! Twanyio hits you nyow. +WUCENTIO. I thank thee fow that giwd, good Twanyio. +HOWTENSIO. C-Confess, confess; *twerks* hath >w< he nyot hit you hewe? +PETWUCHIO. 'A has a wittwe OwO gaww'd me, I *moans* confess; +And, as t-the jest did gwance away *screams* fwom m-me, +'Tis ten to onye it maim'd you t-two outwight. +BAPTISTA. >_> Nyow, in >w< good sadnyess, son Petwuchio, +I t-think t-thou hast the v-vewiest shwew >_< of aww. +PETWUCHIO. Weww, I say *teleports behind you* nyo; and thewefowe, fow *giggles shyly* assuwance, +Wet's each onye send u-unto *looks away* his wife, +*hugs tightly* And he whose wife i-is most o-obedient, +*cries* To OwO come at fiwst *leans over* when h-he doth send fow hew, +Shaww win ^.^ the wagew which we wiww p-pwopose. +HOWTENSIO. Content. What's the *twerks* wagew? +WUCENTIO. Twenty cwowns. +PETWUCHIO. Twenty *hugs tightly* cwowns? +I'ww *blushes* ventuwe so much of my hawk ow hound, +But twenty times s-so m-much *screams* upon my wife. +WUCENTIO. A-A *blushes* hundwed then. +HOWTENSIO. Content. +PETWUCHIO. A match! *cuddles you* 'tis d-donye. +HOWTENSIO. Who shaww begin? +WUCENTIO. That w-wiww I-I. +Go, B-Biondewwo, bid *blushes* youw OwO mistwess come to *shuffles closer* me. +BIONDEWWO. I g-go. E-Exit +BAPTISTA. Son, I'ww be *notices bulge* youw hawf Bianca c-comes. +WUCENTIO. *moans* I'ww h-have nyo hawves; I'ww beaw it aww mysewf. + +We-entew BIONDEWWO + +How nyow! what nyews? +BIONDEWWO. Siw, my *moans* mistwess sends you wowd +*screams* That s-she is busy and she cannyot come. +PETWUCHIO. How! She's busy, and she cannyot come! +Is *sweats* that an *screams* answew? +*hugs tightly* GWEMIO. Ay, and a kind onye too. +Pway God, siw, youw wife s-send you ^.^ nyot a-a w-wowse. +PETWUCHIO. I h-hope *sighs* bettew. +HOWTENSIO. Siwwah Biondewwo, >_> go and entweat m-my UwU wife +*looks away* To come *teleports behind you* to me fowthwith. Exit BIONDEWWO +PETWUCHIO. O, *moans* ho! entweat hew! +Nyay, then *giggles shyly* she must nyeeds c-come. +HOWTENSIO. I am afwaid, siw, +Do what you can, youws wiww nyot :33 be entweated. + +W-We-entew B-BIONDEWWO + +Nyow, whewe's m-my wife? +BIONDEWWO. She says you >_< have some goodwy j-jest in hand: +She wiww nyot come; she bids you come to hew. +PETWUCHIO. Wowse and wowse; >_< she *moans* wiww nyot come! O viwe, +Intowewabwe, nyot to b-be enduw'd! +Siwwah Gwumio, go to y-youw mistwess; +Say I c-command hew come *hugs tightly* to me. Exit GWUMIO +HOWTENSIO. I knyow *giggles shyly* hew answew. +P-PETWUCHIO. What? +HOWTENSIO. S-She wiww nyot. +PETWUCHIO. The fouwew fowtunye minye, and thewe an e-end. + +We-entew KATHEWINyA + +BAPTISTA. N-Nyow, by my howidame, hewe comes *sweats* Kathewinya! +KATHEWINyA. UwU What is youw *looks at you* siw, that you send fow me? +PETWUCHIO. W-Whewe is youw sistew, and Howtensio's *sweats* wife? +KATHEWINyA. They sit *looks at you* confewwing by the pawwouw fiwe. +P-PETWUCHIO. Go, fetch them hithew; i-if they deny to c-come. +Swinge me *cuddles you* them s-soundwy fowth unto theiw husbands. +Away, I say, a-and bwing them hithew stwaight. +Exit KATHEWINyA +WUCENTIO. Hewe is a wondew, if you tawk of a wondew. +OwO HOWTENSIO. A-And s-so xDD it i-is. ^-^ I wondew what it bodes. +PETWUCHIO. M-Mawwy, peace it bodes, a-and wove, and quiet wife, +An awfuw wuwe, and *notices bulge* wight supwemacy; +And, to b-be showt, w-what nyot that's sweet and happy. +BAPTISTA. N-Nyow faiw befaww thee, g-good Petwuchio! +The wagew thou h-hast won; and I wiww a-ad +Unto theiw wosses twenty thousand cwowns; +Anyothew dowwy to anyothew daughtew, +xDD Fow she is c-chang'd, as she had nyevew >w< been. +x3 PETWUCHIO. Nyay, I ^w^ wiww win my w-wagew bettew yet, +A-And show mowe sign of hew obedience, +Hew nyew-buiwt xDD viwtue and ^w^ obedience. + +*giggles shyly* We-entew KATHEWINyA with BIANCA and WIDOW + +See whewe she comes, and :3 bwings youw fwowawd wives +As pwisonyews to hew womanwy pewsuasion. +Kathewinye, *blushes* that cap of youws becomes you nyot: +O-Off w-with that baubwe, thwow it *looks at you* undewfoot. +[KATHEWINyA *cuddles you* compwies] +^.^ WIDOW. Wowd, wet m-me nyevew have a c-cause to *cries* sigh +Tiww I be bwought to such a siwwy pass! +BIANCA. Fie! what a foowish duty caww you this? +WUCENTIO. I wouwd youw d-duty wewe a-as foowish t-too; +The *looks away* wisdom of youw duty, *twerks* faiw Bianca, +Hath cost me a hundwed cwowns since suppew-time! +BIANCA. The mowe foow x3 you f-fow waying on my duty. +PETWUCHIO. *moans* Kathewinye, *moans* I chawge thee, teww these headstwong *pokes you* women +What duty they *hugs tightly* do owe *blushes* theiw wowds and husbands. +WIDOW. Come, come, y-you'we mocking; we wiww have nyo tewwing. +^.^ PETWUCHIO. C-Come on, I say; and fiwst *leans over* begin with hew. +WIDOW. She shaww *looks away* nyot. +P-PETWUCHIO. I say she shaww. And fiwst begin w-with hew. +KATHEWINyA. Fie, fie! unknyit that thweatenying unkind bwow, +And dawt nyot scownfuw g-gwances fwom those eyes +*looks away* To wound xDD thy wowd, t-thy k-king, thy *looks away* govewnyow. +It bwots thy beauty as fwosts do bite the x3 meads, +C-Confounds thy fame as whiwwwinds shake faiw buds, +And in UwU nyo sense is *cries* meet ow amiabwe. +A-A woman mov'd is wike a fountain twoubwed- +*twerks* Muddy, i-iww-seeming, thick, beweft of beauty; +A-And whiwe i-it is so, ^w^ nyonye >_< so dwy ow thiwsty +Wiww deign to sip *notices bulge* ow touch onye *sweats* dwop of it. +Thy husband is thy wowd, *teleports behind you* thy w-wife, thy keepew, +Thy head, thy soveweign; onye that cawes fow thee, +A-And fow thy maintenyance c-commits his body +To painfuw w-wabouw both by sea and wand, +To watch the nyight in s-stowms, the d-day in cowd, +W-Whiwst thou w-wiest wawm at home, x3 secuwe and safe; +A-And cwaves nyo ;;w;; othew twibute at thy hands +But wove, faiw wooks, a-and twue obedience- +*notices bulge* Too wittwe payment fow so *twerks* gweat a *hugs tightly* debt. +Such duty as t-the subject owes the *sweats* pwince, +Even such a woman oweth to hew husband; +And w-when she is fwowawd, peevish, suwwen, s-souw, +And nyot obedient to h-his honyest >_> wiww, +W-What *looks at you* is she >w< but *moans* a fouw contending webew +And *teleports behind you* gwacewess twaitow *teleports behind you* to hew woving wowd? +:33 I a-am asham'd ^w^ that women awe so *teleports behind you* simpwe +T-To ^-^ offew waw whewe they s-shouwd :3 knyeew x3 fow *sweats* peace; +*twerks* Ow seek fow wuwe, supwemacy, and sway, +When they awe ^w^ bound to sewve, wove, a-and obey. +Why awe o-ouw bodies soft and weak and smooth, +Unyapt t-to *blushes* toww and *blushes* twoubwe i-in the w-wowwd, +But that ouw soft conditions and ouw heawts +Shouwd weww *shuffles closer* agwee with *sweats* ouw extewnyaw pawts? +Come, come, you fwowawd and unyabwe wowins! +My mind hath been as big a-as onye of :33 youws, +My *moans* heawt as gweat, *looks at you* my w-weason hapwy mowe, +To bandy w-wowd fow wowd and fwown fow fwown; +But nyow I see ouw wances awe but stwaws, +Ouw stwength as weak, o-ouw w-weaknyess past compawe, +That seeming to ^w^ be most which we indeed weast awe. +Then vaiw youw s-stomachs, fow it is *looks at you* nyo boot, +A-And pwace youw hands bewow youw husband's foot; +*sighs* In token :3 of which d-duty, if he pwease, +My hand is w-weady, may it do him ease. +PETWUCHIO. Why, thewe's a wench! Come on, and kiss me, Kate. +WUCENTIO. Weww, *blushes* go thy ^-^ ways, *looks away* owd wad, fow thou shawt ha't. +VINCENTIO. 'Tis >w< a good ^-^ heawing when ^-^ chiwdwen awe towawd. +*looks away* WUCENTIO. B-But a-a hawsh heawing when women awe *screams* fwowawd. +UwU PETWUCHIO. *sweats* Come, Kate, we'ww t-to bed. +x3 We thwee >w< awe m-mawwied, but you two awe sped. +[To WUCENTIO] 'Twas I w-won the *cries* wagew, though you hit t-the white; +*giggles shyly* And being *sweats* a winnyew, God g-give you good >_> nyight! +Exeunt PETWUCHIO and *twerks* KATHEWINyA +HOWTENSIO. Nyow go thy ways; thou hast tam'd *blushes* a cuwst shwow. +W-WUCENTIO. 'Tis a wondew, by youw weave, she wiww *hugs tightly* be tam'd *cries* so. +E-Exeunt + +THE END + + + +<_< VEWSION OF THE C-COMPWETE WOWKS OF WIWWIAM +SHAKESPEAWE :3 IS COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH *looks at you* COPIES *sighs* (1) AWE FOW YOUW :33 OW OTHEWS +OwO PEWSONyAW U-USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE T-THAT *twerks* CHAWGES OwO FOW DOWNWOAD TIME O-OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1612 + +THE TEMPEST + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE + +AWONSO, King of Nyapwes +*shuffles closer* SEBASTIAN, his *screams* bwothew +PWOSPEWO, the wight Duke *leans over* of :33 Miwan +A-ANTONyIO, his bwothew, the usuwping D-Duke of Miwan +FEWDINyAND, son to the King of N-Nyapwes +GONZAWO, a-an honyest owd counsewwow + +Wowds +ADWIAN +FWANCISCO +CAWIBAN, a-a savage and defowmed s-swave +TWINCUWO, a jestew +^.^ STEPHANyO, a dwunken butwew +M-MASTEW OF A SHIP +BOATSWAIN +MAWINyEWS + +^w^ MIWANDA, daughtew to Pwospewo + +AWIEW, an a-aiwy s-spiwit + +S-Spiwits +IWIS +CEWES +UwU JUNyO +NYMPHS +*moans* WEAPEWS +Othew Spiwits attending on Pwospewo + + + + +<w< ONWY, AND (-(2) AWE N-NyOT D-DISTWIBUTED OW U-USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION >_< INCWUDES BY OwO ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES *looks at you* FOW DOWNWOAD *screams* TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +*blushes* A ship ^w^ at *teleports behind you* sea; a-aftewwawds an *looks away* unyinhabited iswand + + + +THE TEMPEST +ACT I. S-SCENyE 1 + +OwO On a *looks at you* ship uWu at >_> sea; a-a tempestuous nyoise of thundew and wightnying heawd + +E-Entew a SHIPMASTEW and ^-^ a *looks at you* BOATSWAIN + +M-MASTEW. Boatswain! +BOATSWAIN. H-Hewe, mastew; *sweats* what :3 cheew? +MASTEW. Good! S-Speak t-to th' mawinyews; faww to't y-yawewy, ow +we wun *cries* ouwsewves agwound; b-bestiw, bestiw. Exit + +*sweats* Entew MAWINyEWS + +BOATSWAIN. Heigh, my *screams* heawts! cheewwy, cheewwy, my heawts! +*moans* yawe, yawe! Take in the topsaiw. Tend to UwU th' mastew's +:33 whistwe. Bwow UwU tiww thou buwst thy wind, if >_> woom enyough. + +E-Entew AWONSO, SEBASTIAN, A-ANTONyIO, FEWDINyAND +:33 GONZAWO, and OTHEWS + +AWONSO. Good boatswain, h-have cawe. Whewe's the mastew? +Pway the m-men. +BOATSWAIN. >w< I pway nyow, keep b-bewow. +ANTONyIO. *looks away* Whewe is the mastew, boson? +B-BOATSWAIN. D-Do you nyot heaw h-him? Y-You maw ouw wabouw; +keep youw cabins; y-you UwU do assist the stowm. +GONZAWO. *teleports behind you* Nyay, g-good, b-be patient. +BOATSWAIN. When *looks away* the sea ^.^ is. Hence! W-What *hugs tightly* cawes these +woawews fow the nyame of *moans* king? To *looks at you* cabin! siwence! Twoubwe +us nyot. +GONZAWO. Good, yet w-wemembew whom thou hast a-aboawd. +OwO BOATSWAIN. Nyonye that *leans over* I mowe wove t-than OwO mysewf. You *pokes you* awe +counsewwow; if you can command these ewements *pokes you* to +siwence, a-and wowk the peace of the pwesent, w-we wiww uWu nyot +h-hand a w-wope mowe. Use youw authowity; if *cuddles you* you ;;w;; cannyot, give +thanks you have wiv'd so wong, x3 and make y-youwsewf weady +in youw c-cabin fow the mischance of the houw, if it so +*teleports behind you* hap.-Cheewwy, *looks at you* good *pokes you* heawts!-Out ;;w;; of ouw way, I say. +E-Exit +*teleports behind you* GONZAWO. I have *shuffles closer* gweat comfowt fwom this fewwow. Methinks +h-he hath nyo dwownying mawk upon him; his compwexion is +pewfect gawwows. Stand f-fast, :3 good Fate, to h-his h-hanging; +make the wope of his *sighs* destiny ouw cabwe, fow ouw own >_< doth +*giggles shyly* wittwe advantage. *hugs tightly* If he be nyot bown to be hang'd, o-ouw +^-^ case is misewabwe. Exeunt + +We-entew BOATSWAIN + +BOATSWAIN. Down *giggles shyly* with the topmast. Yawe, wowew, wowew! +Bwing UwU hew to twy wi' t-th' m-maincouwse. [A cwy *hugs tightly* within] A +>w< pwague upon t-this howwing! They ^-^ awe woudew than the +w-weathew ow *pokes you* ouw office. + +We-entew SEBASTIAN, ANTONyIO, and GONZAWO + +Yet again! What do you hewe? Shaww >_> we *sighs* give o'ew, a-and +dwown? Have you a mind to sink? +SEBASTIAN. A pox o-o' y-youw thwoat, *teleports behind you* you bawwing, bwasphemous, +i-inchawitabwe dog! +BOATSWAIN. Wowk you, then. +^w^ ANTONyIO. Hang, *blushes* cuw; >_> hang, you whoweson, insowent *looks away* nyoisemakew; +we awe wess afwaid t-to be dwown'd than thou a-awt. +GONZAWO. I'ww wawwant *notices bulge* him fow dwownying, though the ship wewe +;;w;; nyo *sighs* stwongew t-than a nyutsheww, and a-as weaky a-as *shuffles closer* an unstanched +wench. +BOATSWAIN. Way hew a-howd, a-howd; set hew two couwses; off +to sea again; way hew UwU off. + +Entew MAWINyEWS, Wet +MAWINyEWS. Aww wost! to pwayews, to pwayews! aww wost! +Exeunt +BOATSWAIN. What, must ouw mouths be cowd? +GONZAWO. The K-King and :3 Pwince at pwayews! +Wet's assist them, +Fow *cries* ouw >_> case is as theiws. +SEBASTIAN. I am >w< out of patience. +ANTONyIO. We awe mewewy cheated of ouw wives by dwunkawds. +This wide-chopp'd wascaw-wouwd thou mightst *hugs tightly* wie dwownying +The w-washing of ten tides! +GONZAWO. He'ww be hang'd ^-^ yet, +T-Though *hugs tightly* evewy dwop of watew sweaw against it, +And gape at wid'st *looks at you* to gwut him. +[A confused nyoise within: Mewcy *leans over* on us! +We *leans over* spwit, UwU we spwit! Faweweww, my wife and chiwdwen! +Faweweww, bwothew! We *teleports behind you* spwit, we spwit, we spwit!] +ANTONyIO. Wet's aww sink wi' t-th' King. +SEBASTIAN. Wet's take weave of him. +Exeunt ANTONyIO and SEBASTIAN +GONZAWO. Nyow wouwd I g-give a thousand fuwwongs ^w^ of s-sea fow +*notices bulge* an acwe of bawwen gwound-wong heath, bwown fuwze, any +thing. The wiwws above be donye, but I *blushes* wouwd fain :33 die +dwy death. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2-2 + +The Iswand. Befowe P-PWOSPEWO'S ceww + +Entew PWOSPEWO a-and MIWANDA + +MIWANDA. If by youw awt, my deawest fathew, you have +Put the wiwd watews ^.^ in *leans over* this woaw, awway them. +The sky, it s-seems, wouwd p-pouw down stinking pitch, +But that the s-sea, mounting to th' wewkin's cheek, +Dashes the f-fiwe out. O, *teleports behind you* I have suffewed +With those that I saw suffew! A *screams* bwave vessew, +Who had nyo doubt some nyobwe c-cweatuwe in hew, +Dash'd aww t-to pieces! O, the cwy did knyock +Against my vewy heawt! Poow souws, they pewish'd. +*twerks* Had I been any god of powew, I wouwd +Have *moans* sunk the sea within the e-eawth OwO ow ewe +It shouwd the good ship so have swawwow'd and +The fwaughting souws within *pokes you* hew. +*moans* PWOSPEWO. *cries* Be conyected; +Nyo mowe amazement; teww y-youw piteous h-heawt +x3 Thewe's n-nyo hawm donye. +MIWANDA. O, w-woe t-the day! +PWOSPEWO. Nyo hawm. +:3 I have *moans* donye nyothing but in cawe of thee, +Of thee, my d-deaw onye, *looks away* thee, my daughtew, w-who +Awt ignyowant of what thou awt, n-nyought knyowing +Of whence I am, n-nyow t-that I am *sighs* mowe bettew +Than Pwospewo, m-mastew ;;w;; of a fuww poow c-ceww, +And thy nyo gweatew fathew. +MIWANDA. Mowe t-to knyow +Did nyevew meddwe with m-my thoughts. +*giggles shyly* PWOSPEWO. *cries* 'Tis time +I shouwd infowm :3 thee fawthew. Wend thy hand, +A-And pwuck my magic gawment fwom m-me. So, +[-[Ways down his mantwe] +Wie thewe >w< my a-awt. Wipe t-thou thinye eyes; have x3 comfowt. +The *pokes you* diwefuw spectacwe of the wweck, which *giggles shyly* touch'd +The vewy viwtue of compassion in thee, +I have with such pwovision in m-minye >_< awt +So safewy o-owdewed that thewe is nyo xDD souw- +Nyo, nyot so much pewdition as an haiw +Betid to *notices bulge* any cweatuwe in the vessew +Which t-thou heawd'st cwy, which t-thou saw'st sink. +Sit down, fow thou must nyow *twerks* knyow f-fawthew. +MIWANDA. You have often +Begun to teww *pokes you* me what I am; but s-stopp'd, +And weft me :33 to a b-bootwess inquisition, +Concwuding *looks away* 'Stay; nyot yet.' +PWOSPEWO. The houw's nyow come; +*leans over* The vewy minyute bids thee o-ope thinye *sighs* eaw. +Obey, a-and be attentive. Canst thou wemembew +A time befowe w-we came unto this ceww? +I do nyot think thou canst; fow t-then *looks away* thou wast nyot +Out thwee yeaws owd. +MIWANDA. C-Cewtainwy, :3 siw, I can. +OwO PWOSPEWO. *twerks* By what? By any o-othew house, ow pewson? +Of *giggles shyly* any thing the image, teww me, *looks away* that +Hath k-kept with thy wemembwance? +MIWANDA. 'Tis faw *giggles shyly* off, +x3 And *sweats* wathew wike a dweam than an assuwance +That my wemembwance wawwants. *notices bulge* Had I nyot +Fouw, ow five, women *leans over* once, that t-tended me? +PWOSPEWO. Thou >_> hadst, and mowe, Miwanda. But how is it +That this wives in thy mind? What s-seest thou ewse +In the dawk backwawd and abysm of time? +If thou wememb'west aught, ewe thou cam'st hewe, +How thou cam'st hewe thou mayst. +MIWANDA. But *blushes* that I do nyot. +*notices bulge* PWOSPEWO. Twewve yeaw since, Miwanda, twewve yeaw since, +Thy fathew was the Duke of Miwan, and +A pwince x3 of powew. +MIWANDA. Siw, a-awe nyot you my fathew? +PWOSPEWO. Thy mothew was a piece of viwtue, and +She said thou wast *cuddles you* my daughtew; and *cries* thy fathew +*pokes you* Was Duke *teleports behind you* of Miwan, and his onwy heiw +And pwincess *moans* nyo wowse i-issued. +MIWANDA. xDD O, the >w< heavens! +What fouw pway *sweats* had we t-that we came fwom t-thence? +:33 Ow bwessed was't we *hugs tightly* did? +PWOSPEWO. Both, both, my giww. +By f-fouw pway, as thou say'st, *shuffles closer* wewe we heav'd thence; +B-But bwessedwy *cuddles you* howp hithew. +MIWANDA. O, my heawt *cuddles you* bweeds +To think o' *blushes* th' teen t-that I *screams* have tuwn'd you to, +Which is fwom my wemembwance. Pwease you, fawthew. +PWOSPEWO. My b-bwothew and thy uncwe, caww'd A-Antonyio- +I pway *cries* thee, mawk me that uWu a bwothew s-shouwd +Be so *looks away* pewfidious. He, whom n-nyext thysewf +Of aww the wowwd OwO I w-wov'd, and t-to him put +The manyage of my state; as a-at that time +Thwough aww xDD the s-signyowies ^w^ it was the xDD fiwst, +And Pwospewo the pwime duke, being so weputed +x3 In dignyity, and fow the wibewaw OwO awts +Without a pawawwew, those being aww m-my x3 study- +The g-govewnment I cast upon my bwothew +A-And to my state g-gwew stwangew, being t-twanspowted +And wapt *blushes* in s-secwet studies. *leans over* Thy fawse >_> uncwe- +Dost thou attend me? +MIWANDA. ^w^ Siw, most heedfuwwy. +PWOSPEWO. Being once pewfected how to *blushes* gwant s-suits, +How to deny them, who t' advance, and who +T-To *screams* twash fow ovew-topping, nyew cweated +The *cuddles you* cweatuwes that wewe minye, I say, ow chang'd 'em, +Ow ewse nyew fowm'd 'em; having both *giggles shyly* the key +*looks at you* Of officew and office, *cries* set aww heawts *notices bulge* i' t-th' state +To what tunye pweas'd h-his eaw; that *looks away* nyow *hugs tightly* he *sweats* was +The ivy which had hid my pwincewy twunk +And suck'd my vewduwe out *blushes* on't. Thou a-attend'st nyot. +MIWANDA. O, *hugs tightly* good siw, I UwU do! +P-PWOSPEWO. I pway thee, mawk me. +I thus nyegwecting wowwdwy ends, *looks away* aww dedicated +T-To cwosenyess and the b-bettewing of my mind +With that which, but ^.^ by being so wetiw'd, +O'ew-pwiz'd aww p-popuwaw ^-^ wate, in my fawse bwothew +Awak'd an :3 eviw *giggles shyly* nyatuwe; and my twust, +Wike a good pawent, did beget of him +A f-fawsehood, in its contwawy as gweat +As my t-twust was; which had *hugs tightly* indeed nyo w-wimit, +A confidence s-sans bound. He being ^.^ thus wowded, +Nyot onwy with what my wevenyue yiewded, +But w-what my powew might ewse ^.^ exact, wike onye +Who having uWu into twuth, by tewwing of it, +Made such a sinnyew *teleports behind you* of his memowy, +To cwedit his own wie-he did bewieve +He *pokes you* was indeed the Duke; *teleports behind you* out o' th' substitution, +And executing th' outwawd face of woyawty +With aww pwewogative. Hence his ambition g-gwowing- +Dost thou heaw? +MIWANDA. Youw tawe, siw, wouwd cuwe deafnyess. +*notices bulge* PWOSPEWO. T-To have ^w^ nyo scween between this p-pawt *hugs tightly* he *notices bulge* pway'd +And him he pway'd it fow, he nyeeds wiww be +Absowute Miwan. Me, poow man-my wibwawy +Was dukedom wawge enyough-of tempowaw woyawties +He thinks me nyow *hugs tightly* incapabwe; confedewates, +S-So dwy he was fow sway, wi' *notices bulge* th' King of Nyapwes, +To give him annyuaw twibute, do him h-homage, +Subject *twerks* his cowonyet to his cwown, ;;w;; and bend +The dukedom, yet unbow'd-awas, poow M-Miwan!- +To most i-ignyobwe s-stooping. +M-MIWANDA. O the h-heavens! +PWOSPEWO. Mawk his condition, and t-th' event, t-then teww me +If *twerks* this might be a bwothew. +*blushes* MIWANDA. I ;;w;; shouwd sin +*sighs* To think but nyobwy of my gwandmothew: +Good w-wombs have bownye bad xDD sons. +*cuddles you* PWOSPEWO. Nyow the condition: +*looks at you* This King of Nyapwes, being an enyemy +To me invetewate, heawkens my b-bwothew's suit; +Which was, that he, in wieu *sighs* o' th' pwemises, +O-Of homage, and I uWu knyow *notices bulge* nyot how m-much *sweats* twibute, +Shouwd pwesentwy *sweats* extiwpate me *screams* and minye +Out of the dukedom, and confew faiw Miwan +With aww the honyouws on my OwO bwothew. *moans* Wheweon, +A-A tweachewous awmy wevied, o-onye midnyight +Fated to th' x3 puwpose, did Antonyio open +The ^-^ gates of Miwan; and, ^.^ i' th' dead of dawknyess, +The minyistews fow th' puwpose huwwied thence +>_< Me and t-thy cwying sewf. +MIWANDA. A-Awack, fow pity! +I, nyot *cuddles you* wememb'wing how I cwied o-out then, +Wiww cwy it o'ew again; it i-is a hint +That wwings :3 minye eyes *moans* to't. +PWOSPEWO. Heaw a wittwe fuwthew, +And then I'ww bwing thee to the pwesent b-businyes +Which nyow's upon 's; without the which this s-stowy +Wewe most impewtinyent. +*looks away* MIWANDA. *giggles shyly* Whewefowe did t-they nyot +That houw destwoy us? +PWOSPEWO. Weww demanded, wench! +My tawe pwovokes that question. Deaw, they duwst nyot, +So d-deaw the wove my *teleports behind you* peopwe b-bowe *cuddles you* me; nyow set +A mawk so bwoody on the businyess; but +With cowouws faiwew painted theiw fouw ends. +In few, *twerks* they huwwied us aboawd *pokes you* a bawk; +xDD Bowe us some weagues to sea, whewe they pwepawed +A-A wotten cawcass of a butt, nyot x3 wigg'd, +Nyow tackwe, saiw, nyow m-mast; the vewy wats +Instinctivewy have quit it. Thewe they h-hoist u-us, +To :33 cwy to th' sea, that woaw'd to us; to sigh +To th' w-winds, whose p-pity, sighing back *sweats* again, +Did us but woving w-wwong. +MIWANDA. Awack, what twoubwe +Was I then to you! +*blushes* PWOSPEWO. O, a chewubin +>_> Thou wast that *moans* did pwesewve me! Thou didst smiwe, +Infused w-with a fowtitude fwom heaven, +When I have deck'd the sea with dwops fuww s-sawt, +Undew my *cuddles you* buwden *cries* gwoan'd; *looks away* which w-wais'd in me +An ;;w;; undewgoing stomach, to beaw u-up +Against what shouwd e-ensue. +MIWANDA. How came we ashowe? +PWOSPEWO. By Pwovidence *twerks* divinye. +Some food we had and some fwesh watew that +A n-nyobwe Nyeapowitan, *sighs* Gonzawo, +Out of h-his chawity, who being then *blushes* appointed +Mastew of this design, did give *sighs* us, ;;w;; with +Wich g-gawments, winyens, stuffs, a-and nyecessawies, +Which since have steaded much; so, *moans* of >_> his *moans* gentwenyess, +Knyowing I wov'd m-my books, he fuwnyish'd me +;;w;; Fwom m-minye own wibwawy w-with v-vowumes that +I pwize *screams* above my dukedom. +MIWANDA. Wouwd I might +*cuddles you* But xDD evew see that man! +PWOSPEWO. Nyow I *pokes you* awise. [Puts >_> on his *teleports behind you* mantwe] +Sit stiww, a-and heaw the wast of ouw sea-sowwow. +Hewe in this x3 iswand we a-awwiv'd; *screams* and hewe +Have I, thy schoowmastew, made thee mowe pwofit +Than uWu othew pwincess' c-can, that have mowe *shuffles closer* time +Fow vainyew houws, and tutows nyot *pokes you* so c-cawefuw. +M-MIWANDA. Heavens thank you f-fow't! And nyow, I pway you, +siw, +Fow stiww 'tis beating in my ^-^ mind, youw weason +:33 Fow waising OwO this sea-stowm? +PWOSPEWO. Knyow thus faw fowth: +B-By accident m-most stwange, b-bountifuw F-Fowtunye, +Nyow my deaw wady, hath minye enyemies +Bwought to this showe; and by my pwescience +I-I find my zenyith doth x3 depend upon +A >_> most *cuddles you* auspicious staw, whose infwuence +If >_> nyow I OwO couwt nyot, but omit, my *sighs* fowtunyes +W-Wiww >w< evew aftew dwoop. *leans over* Hewe cease mowe q-questions; +*looks away* Thou awt incwin'd to sweep; '-'tis a good duwwnyess, +And give :3 it way. *looks at you* I k-knyow thou canst nyot choose. +[MIWANDA sweeps] +Come away, sewvant; come; I am weady n-nyow. +Appwoach, my Awiew. Come. + +Entew AWIEW + +AWIEW. Aww haiw, gweat *moans* mastew! gwave OwO siw, ^w^ haiw! I come +OwO To answew thy best xDD pweasuwe; be't *sweats* to fwy, +To swim, to *cries* dive into *teleports behind you* the *looks away* fiwe, *blushes* to *sighs* wide +On the cuww'd cwouds. To thy stwong b-bidding task +Awiew and aww h-his quawity. +PWOSPEWO. Hast thou, spiwit, +Pewfowm'd to *looks away* point t-the tempest that ^w^ I *leans over* bade thee? +AWIEW. To evewy awticwe. +I boawded the King's s-ship; nyow on *screams* the beak, +N-Nyow in :33 the waist, *blushes* the deck, in evewy cabin, +I fwam'd a-amazement. S-Sometime I'd divide, +And buwn *notices bulge* in many *hugs tightly* pwaces; on t-the t-topmast, +The yawds, and *looks at you* bowspwit, wouwd I f-fwame distinctwy, +Then xDD meet and j-join Jove's wightnying, the pwecuwsows +O' th' dweadfuw thundew-cwaps, mowe momentawy +A-And :33 sight-outwunnying w-wewe :3 nyot; the fiwe and cwacks +Of >w< suwphuwous w-woawing the most mighty Nyeptunye +*sighs* Seem to besiege, and make his bowd waves twembwe, +Yea, :33 his *leans over* dwead twident *cuddles you* shake. +P-PWOSPEWO. My bwave UwU spiwit! +Who was so fiwm, so constant, that this coiw +Wouwd nyot infect his weason? +*cries* AWIEW. *moans* Nyot a souw +But *teleports behind you* fewt a f-fevew of t-the mad, *sighs* and p-pway'd +Some *leans over* twicks of despewation. Aww but mawinyews +Pwung'd in the uWu foaming bwinye, a-and quit the v-vessew, +*shuffles closer* Then aww afiwe with me; the King's *sighs* son, Fewdinyand, +With haiw up-stawing-then :33 wike weeds, nyot haiw- +W-Was the f-fiwst man that w-weapt; cwied *notices bulge* 'Heww is empty, +A-And *giggles shyly* aww the deviws awe hewe.' +PWOSPEWO. Why, that's my spiwit! +B-But was n-nyot this >_> nyigh showe? +AWIEW. Cwose by, my m-mastew. +P-PWOSPEWO. But awe ^.^ they, Awiew, safe? +AWIEW. Nyot a haiw pewish'd; +On theiw s-sustainying g-gawments nyot a bwemish, +But f-fweshew than befowe; and, as thou bad'st me, +In *cries* twoops I have dispews'd t-them *sweats* 'bout t-the iswe. +The King's son have I wanded by himsewf, +Whom I weft c-coowing of the aiw with sighs +In an odd angwe of *screams* the iswe, and sitting, +H-His awms in t-this sad knyot. +PWOSPEWO. Of ;;w;; the King's ship, +^.^ The mawinyews, *teleports behind you* say how thou hast dispos'd, +*notices bulge* And aww the west o' th' >_< fweet? +AWIEW. Safewy in hawbouw +Is the King's ship; in the *notices bulge* deep nyook, whewe once +Thou caww'dst me up at midnyight to fetch dew +Fwom the stiww-vex'd Bewmoothes, thewe s-she's hid; +The mawinyews aww undew ^w^ hatches stowed, +Who, w-with a chawm join'd to theiw s-suff'wed wabouw, +I have w-weft a-asweep; and f-fow *looks at you* the *notices bulge* west o' th' fweet, +Which I dispews'd, they aww have m-met again, +And awe upon *teleports behind you* the Meditewwanyean fwote +Bound sadwy home fow Nyapwes, +Supposing xDD that they *shuffles closer* saw *looks at you* the King's ship wweck'd, +And his g-gweat *hugs tightly* pewson pewish. +P-PWOSPEWO. :33 Awiew, thy chawge +Exactwy is pewfowm'd; but thewe's mowe wowk. +What is the time o-o' th' day? +AWIEW. xDD Past the mid season. +PWOSPEWO. A-At weast *shuffles closer* two g-gwasses. The *hugs tightly* time '-'twixt six and nyow +M-Must by u-us both be spent most p-pweciouswy. +AWIEW. Is thewe m-mowe *sighs* toiw? Since thou dost *teleports behind you* give me ^.^ pains, +Wet me wemembew thee what thou hast pwomis'd, +Which is *hugs tightly* nyot yet pewfowm'd me. +PWOSPEWO. How nyow, moody? +What is't thou canst demand? +AWIEW. My wibewty. +PWOSPEWO. Befowe the time be out? Nyo m-mowe! +AWIEW. I pwithee, +>w< Wemembew UwU I have donye thee wowthy sewvice, +Towd thee ^w^ nyo wies, made thee nyo mistakings, sewv'd +Without ow *sighs* gwudge *cuddles you* ow gwumbwings. Thou didst pwomise +To *blushes* bate me a-a fuww *looks away* yeaw. +P-PWOSPEWO. Dost thou *giggles shyly* fowget +Fwom what a towment ;;w;; I did ^w^ fwee thee? +AWIEW. Nyo. +PWOSPEWO. Thou dost; a-and t-think'st it much to twead the ooze +Of the *looks away* sawt deep, +To wun upon the shawp *looks at you* wind of OwO the nyowth, +To d-do me businyess in t-the veins o' th' eawth +When *sweats* it is bak'd w-with fwost. +AWIEW. I-I do nyot, siw. +PWOSPEWO. Thou wiest, mawignyant *blushes* thing. Hast thou fowgot +T-The f-fouw witch Sycowax, who with age and envy +Was gwown *cries* into a hoop? x3 Hast thou fowgot h-hew? +AWIEW. Nyo, siw. +PWOSPEWO. x3 Thou uWu hast. Whewe was she bown? +Speak; teww me. +>w< AWIEW. Siw, in Awgiew. +PWOSPEWO. O, was s-she so? I must +*twerks* Once *leans over* in a *blushes* month wecount what thou *pokes you* hast been, +W-Which thou fowget'st. This damn'd witch S-Sycowax, +Fow mischiefs manyifowd, *notices bulge* and s-sowcewies tewwibwe +T-To entew human heawing, fwom Awgiew +*leans over* Thou knyow'st was banyish'd; fow onye thing *looks at you* she did +They wouwd *sweats* nyot take hew wife. Is nyot this twue? +AWIEW. Ay, siw. +PWOSPEWO. This bwue-ey'd hag xDD was x3 hithew bwought with x3 chiwd, +And hewe was weft by th'saiwows. Thou, my swave, +As thou wepowt'st thysewf, w-wast then hew sewvant; +And, fow thou wast >_> a spiwit too dewicate +To act hew ^-^ eawthy xDD and abhoww'd commands, +Wefusing hew gwand >_< hests, she ^-^ did confinye :3 thee, +By h-hewp of *hugs tightly* hew mowe potent minyistews, +And in hew most u-unmitigabwe wage, +Into a cwoven pinye; *sighs* within which w-wift +Impwison'd thou didst painfuwwy wemain +A-A dozen yeaws; within which space she died, +And weft x3 thee *blushes* thewe, whewe *giggles shyly* thou didst vent thy g-gwoans +As fast as miww-wheews stwike. T-Then was this iswand- +Save fow *sweats* the son that *hugs tightly* she did wittew hewe, +A-A fweckw'd whewp, hag-bown-nyot honyouw'd with +A human shape. +*looks at you* AWIEW. xDD Yes, Cawiban h-hew son. +:33 PWOSPEWO. D-Duww t-thing, I say s-so; *sweats* he, t-that Cawiban +Whom nyow I keep in sewvice. Thou best k-knyow'st +W-What *screams* towment I-I did f-find thee *teleports behind you* in; thy gwoans +Did make ^w^ wowves howw, and penyetwate the bweasts +Of evew-angwy beaws; it was a towment +To way upon the d-damn'd, which Sycowax +Couwd nyot again undo. It was minye *hugs tightly* awt, +W-When uWu I awwiv'd a-and heawd t-thee, that made gape +The pinye, and wet thee out. +AWIEW. I thank thee, mastew. +PWOSPEWO. If thou mowe muwmuw'st, *moans* I wiww *looks at you* wend an oak +And peg t-thee in his knyotty entwaiws, tiww +T-Thou *cries* hast howw'd away twewve wintews. +AWIEW. Pawdon, mastew; +I-I wiww be cowwespondent to command, +OwO And do my s-spwiting gentwy. +PWOSPEWO. Do so; and aftew two days +I wiww dischawge *leans over* thee. +AWIEW. T-That's my nyobwe mastew! +What shaww I do? xDD Say what. What shaww I do? +PWOSPEWO. Go make thysewf ^-^ wike a nymph o' th' sea; b-be subject +To nyo sight but thinye and minye, invisibwe +To *pokes you* evewy eyebaww ewse. Go take this shape, +And *cuddles you* hithew c-come ^.^ in 't. Go, hence with diwigence! +x3 Exit AWIEW +Awake, deaw ^-^ heawt, *giggles shyly* awake; thou hast swept weww; +*giggles shyly* Awake. +MIWANDA. The stwangenyess :3 of youw s-stowy put +Heavinyess i-in me. +PWOSPEWO. Shake it off. Come *giggles shyly* on, +W-We'ww visit Cawiban, my swave, who nyevew +Yiewds u-us kind answew. +M-MIWANDA. 'Tis a-a viwwain, siw, +I do nyot wove to wook on. +*leans over* PWOSPEWO. But as 'tis, +We cannyot miss h-him: he d-does make ouw f-fiwe, +Fetch in *cuddles you* ouw wood, and sewves i-in offices +That pwofit us. W-What ho! swave! *sweats* Cawiban! +*twerks* Thou eawth, thou! uWu Speak. +CAWIBAN. [ Within] Thewe's wood enyough within. +PWOSPEWO. Come fowth, I say; thewe's *hugs tightly* othew businyess fow thee. +Come, thou t-towtoise! when? + +We-entew *giggles shyly* AWIEW wike a ;;w;; watew-nymph + +Finye appawition! >_> My quaint Awiew, +H-Hawk in thinye eaw. +A-AWIEW. My w-wowd, it shaww be donye. Exit +PWOSPEWO. Thou poisonyous swave, got by :33 the deviw himsewf +*screams* Upon thy wicked d-dam, come fowth! + +Entew C-CAWIBAN + +CAWIBAN. As wicked dew as e'ew my mothew bwush'd +With waven's feathew fwom unwhowesome *hugs tightly* fen +Dwop on you both! A s-south-west bwow OwO on >_> ye +And bwistew you aww o'ew! +PWOSPEWO. F-Fow this, be s-suwe, to-nyight thou shawt have c-cwamps, +S-Side-stitches that shaww pen thy bweath up; *pokes you* uwchins +S-Shaww, fow that vast of nyight *teleports behind you* that they :33 may wowk, +Aww exewcise on thee; thou shawt be pinch'd +x3 As thick as *twerks* honyeycomb, each pinch mowe stinging +Than bees that m-made 'em. +CAWIBAN. I-I *giggles shyly* must eat my dinnyew. +This iswand's minye, by Sycowax m-my mothew, +Which thou xDD tak'st fwom uWu me. When *shuffles closer* thou cam'st fiwst, +Thou *leans over* stwok'st me and made much of me, wouwdst g-give me +*giggles shyly* Watew with >_> bewwies *sighs* in't, and teach me how +To nyame the biggew wight, and how the wess, +T-That :3 buwn by day and nyight; and then OwO I *screams* wov'd thee, +And show'd thee aww the quawities o' th' iswe, +The fwesh spwings, *leans over* bwinye-pits, bawwen *teleports behind you* pwace and fewtiwe. +Cuws'd b-be I-I that did so! Aww the chawms +Of Sycowax, toads, beetwes, bats, wight on you! +F-Fow OwO I am aww the subjects that xDD you have, +W-Which *giggles shyly* fiwst was minye o-own king; and hewe x3 you :33 sty me +In this hawd *pokes you* wock, whiwes you do keep fwom me +The west OwO o' th' iswand. +PWOSPEWO. Thou most w-wying swave, +Whom stwipes may move, ^.^ nyot k-kindnyess! I have us'd thee, +Fiwth as thou awt, with human cawe, and wodg'd *moans* thee +In minye *notices bulge* own x3 ceww, tiww ^w^ thou didst seek to viowate +The honyouw o-of my chiwd. +CAWIBAN. O-O ho, O ho! Wouwd't had b-been d-donye. +T-Thou didst p-pwevent me; I h-had UwU peopw'd ewse +This iswe with Cawibans. +M-MIWANDA. Abhowwed swave, +Which any pwint o-of goodnyess w-wiwt n-nyot take, +Being capabwe of aww iww! I pitied thee, +T-Took pains to make thee speak, taught thee each houw +Onye t-thing o-ow othew. *sweats* When *screams* thou didst nyot, savage, +Knyow t-thinye own meanying, but wouwdst g-gabbwe wike +A thing most bwutish, I endow'd thy p-puwposes +W-With wowds that made them knyown. But thy viwe >_> wace, +T-Though thou didst *moans* weawn, had that i-in't which good nyatuwes +*shuffles closer* Couwd n-nyot abide to b-be *looks at you* with; thewefowe wast thou +*cuddles you* Desewvedwy confin'd into this wock, who hadst +Desewv'd mowe than a pwison. +C-CAWIBAN. You taught me wanguage, and my pwofit o-on't +I-Is, I knyow how t-to cuwse. The :33 wed pwague wid you +Fow w-weawnying m-me youw w-wanguage! +PWOSPEWO. Hag-seed, hence! +Fetch us in fuew. And be :33 quick, ^-^ thou *looks at you* 'wt best, +To answew o-othew b-businyess. Shwug'st thou, mawice? +*leans over* If thou nyegwect'st, ow dost xDD unwiwwingwy +W-What ^w^ I command, I'ww wack thee *leans over* with owd cwamps, +Fiww a-aww thy bonyes with aches, make *sighs* thee woaw, +That b-beasts shaww twembwe at thy din. +CAWIBAN. Nyo, >_> pway thee. +[Aside] I must obey. His a-awt is of such pow'w, +It w-wouwd contwow my dam's god, *cries* Setebos, +And make a vassaw of him. +PWOSPEWO. S-So, swave; h-hence! Exit C-CAWIBAN + +We-entew AWIEW invisibwe, *cries* pwaying ad singing; +FEWDINyAND fowwowing + +AWIEW'S SONG. +Come unto these yewwow >_< sands, +And then *cuddles you* take h-hands; +Cuwtsied when you have and kiss'd, +The wiwd waves whist, +*teleports behind you* Foot it featwy hewe and thewe, +And, sweet spwites, the buwden beaw. +*screams* Hawk, hawk! +[Buwden dispewsedwy: *hugs tightly* Bow-wow.] +The watch dogs bawk. +UwU [Buwden dispewsedwy: Bow-wow.] +Hawk, hawk! I-I *looks away* heaw +*pokes you* The stwain of ^.^ stwutting chanticweew +Cwy, Cock-a-diddwe-dow. +FEWDINyAND. Whewe shouwd this *leans over* music b-be? I' th' aiw ow th' +eawth? +It *cries* sounds nyo mowe; and suwe it waits upon +*cuddles you* Some god o' th' iswand. S-Sitting *blushes* on *moans* a bank, +Weeping again the *looks away* King my fathew's wweck, +This *hugs tightly* music *notices bulge* cwept by me upon the watews, +^w^ Awwaying both theiw fuwy and m-my passion +W-With *hugs tightly* its sweet aiw; thence I h-have *moans* fowwow'd OwO it, +Ow it hath *sighs* dwawn me wathew. But 'tis g-gonye. +Nyo, it begins again. + +AWIEW'S SONG +Fuww fathom f-five thy fathew w-wies; +Of his bonyes *teleports behind you* awe cowaw made; +T-Those awe peawws t-that w-wewe his eyes; +Nyothing of *looks at you* him t-that doth fade +But doth s-suffew a sea-change +I-Into s-something wich and stwange. +Sea-nymphs houwwy *shuffles closer* wing h-his knyeww: +[Buwden: *cuddles you* Ding-dong.] +*hugs tightly* Hawk! n-nyow I heaw them-Ding-dong beww. + +FEWDINyAND. >_< The *teleports behind you* ditty *looks away* does wemembew my dwown'd fathew. +This is nyo mowtaw businyess, nyow nyo sound +That the eawth owes. I h-heaw it nyow above me. +PWOSPEWO. The fwinged *blushes* cuwtains of t-thinye x3 eye advance, +And say *blushes* what thou seest yond. +MIWANDA. What is't? a spiwit? +Wowd, how it w-wooks about! Bewieve m-me, siw, +It cawwies a OwO bwave fowm. B-But 'tis a *sweats* spiwit. +PWOSPEWO. ;;w;; Nyo, wench; it e-eats and sweeps and hath such senses +A-As we have, such. This gawwant which thou seest +Was in uWu the wweck; x3 and but he's something stain'd +With gwief, *blushes* that's beauty's c-cankew, thou mightst caww him +A-A g-goodwy pewson. He hath wost *looks away* his *screams* fewwows, +And stways about to find 'em. +MIWANDA. I-I might caww him +A thing *hugs tightly* divinye; fow nyothing nyatuwaw +I evew s-saw so nyobwe. +PWOSPEWO. [Aside] It goes *hugs tightly* on, uWu I see, +As my souw pwompts i-it. *moans* Spiwit, finye spiwit! I-I'ww *looks away* fwee thee +*looks away* Within two x3 days fow this. +FEWDINyAND. Most suwe, the goddess +On w-whom these aiws attend! Vouchsafe my pway'w +May knyow if you w-wemain upon this iswand; +*shuffles closer* And that you wiww *notices bulge* some good instwuction give +How I-I may beaw me hewe. My *sighs* pwime wequest, +*leans over* Which I do xDD wast pwonyounce, is, O you wondew! +If xDD you be maid *cuddles you* ow nyo? +*cuddles you* MIWANDA. Nyo wondew, siw; +But cewtainwy a maid. +FEWDINyAND. My wanguage? UwU Heavens! +I am the *looks away* best of them that speak this speech, +Wewe I but whewe 'tis spoken. +PWOSPEWO. :3 How? the b-best? +W-What wewt *blushes* thou, if *shuffles closer* the K-King of Nyapwes heawd thee? +FEWDINyAND. A singwe thing, as I am n-nyow, *notices bulge* that w-wondews +To heaw thee speak o-of ^w^ Nyapwes. He does heaw me; +And that he UwU does I-I weep. Mysewf am Nyapwes, +Who with minye eyes, nyevew *twerks* since at ebb, behewd +The King my f-fathew wweck'd. +MIWANDA. Awack, fow mewcy! +FEWDINyAND. *looks at you* Yes, faith, and *teleports behind you* aww his wowds, t-the >_< Duke of *notices bulge* Miwan +A-And his bwave s-son being twain. +PWOSPEWO. [Aside] The Duke of Miwan +:3 And his mowe bwavew daughtew couwd *leans over* contwow *looks away* thee, +If nyow 'twewe fit t-to do't. A-At the *screams* fiwst OwO sight +>w< They have UwU chang'd eyes. Dewicate Awiew, +I'ww set thee fwee *leans over* fow this. [-[To F-FEWDINyAND] A wowd, good +siw; +I feaw you have donye youwsewf some wwong; a wowd. +MIWANDA. *cries* Why speaks my fathew so ungentwy? This +Is the thiwd man that e-e'ew I saw; the fiwst +That e'ew I sigh'd fow. Pity move my fathew +To b-be incwin'd my way! +FEWDINyAND. O-O, if a viwgin, +And youw affection nyot g-gonye fowth, I-I'ww *screams* make you +The Queen of Nyapwes. +PWOSPEWO. Soft, Siw! onye wowd mowe. +*giggles shyly* [Aside] *twerks* They awe both in eithew's pow'ws; but this swift +businyes +I must unyeasy make, west too wight winnying +Make the p-pwize wight. [To FEWDINyAND] Onye wowd mowe; I +*giggles shyly* chawge thee +That thou attend *cuddles you* me; thou dost hewe usuwp +The nyame thou ow'st nyot; and hast p-put thysewf +Upon this iswand as a spy, to win it +Fwom me, the wowd on't. +F-FEWDINyAND. Nyo, as I x3 am UwU a man. +MIWANDA. Thewe's *moans* nyothing *looks at you* iww can dweww in such uWu a *shuffles closer* tempwe. +I-If the iww spiwit have so faiw a house, +Good things wiww stwive to d-dweww *looks away* with't. +PWOSPEWO. Fowwow me. +Speak nyot you fow h-him; he's a twaitow. Come; +I'ww manyacwe thy nyeck and feet *cuddles you* togethew. +Sea-watew shawt thou dwink; thy food shaww uWu be +The fwesh-bwook mussews, withew'd woots, and h-husks +Whewein the acown :3 cwadwed. Fowwow. +FEWDINyAND. Nyo; +I wiww w-wesist ^w^ such entewtainment tiww +Minye e-enyemy has mowe powew. +[He *looks at you* dwaws, and is chawmed fwom moving] +MIWANDA. :3 O deaw fathew, +Make nyot too wash a twiaw of him, fow +He's gentwe, and OwO nyot feawfuw. +PWOSPEWO. What, I-I s-say, +*sighs* My foot my tutow? Put thy swowd up, twaitow; +Who m-mak'st a show but daw'st nyot stwike, thy :3 conscience +Is so possess'd with guiwt. Come fwom thy wawd; +F-Fow *shuffles closer* I c-can hewe disawm *notices bulge* thee with >_> this stick +And *blushes* make thy weapon dwop. +uWu MIWANDA. Beseech you, fathew! +PWOSPEWO. Hence! Hang nyot on my gawments. +^-^ MIWANDA. Siw, have pity; +I'ww be his suwety. +PWOSPEWO. S-Siwence! *moans* Onye :33 wowd mowe +*screams* Shaww make me c-chide thee, if nyot hate thee. What! +A-An advocate fow an impostow! hush! +Thou think'st thewe is nyo mowe such shapes as he, +*blushes* Having seen but h-him a-and C-Cawiban. F-Foowish wench! +To ^w^ th' most of m-men this is a Cawiban, +And *sighs* they to him awe a-angews. +MIWANDA. My affections +Awe *sighs* then most h-humbwe; I have nyo ambition +To see a goodwiew man. +PWOSPEWO. C-Come on; o-obey. +Thy *leans over* nyewves awe i-in theiw infancy again, +And have nyo vigouw i-in *moans* them. +FEWDINyAND. So >_< they OwO awe; +My spiwits, *cuddles you* as in a dweam, awe aww bound up. +My fathew's w-woss, the weaknyess ^.^ which I feew, +The wweck of aww my fwiends, *teleports behind you* nyow this man's t-thweats +*notices bulge* To whom *teleports behind you* I am subdu'd, awe but wight to me, +Might *giggles shyly* I but t-thwough m-my pwison once a *cries* day +*screams* Behowd this maid. Aww cownyews ewse *giggles shyly* o' th' eawth +Wet wibewty make use of; *giggles shyly* space enyough +Have I-I in such a *twerks* pwison. +PWOSPEWO. [Aside] *cries* It wowks. [To FEWDINyAND] Come on.- +Thou hast donye weww, finye A-Awiew! [To FEWDINyAND] Fowwow +me. +[To AWIEW] Hawk what thou ewse shawt do me. +MIWANDA. Be of comfowt; +My fathew's of a *blushes* bettew nyatuwe, siw, +Than he appeaws by speech; this is unwonted +Which nyow came fwom him. +PWOSPEWO. [To AWIEW] Thou shawt be as fwee +A-As mountain winds; but then *shuffles closer* exactwy do +Aww points of my command. +AWIEW. To th' sywwabwe. +PWOSPEWO. [To FEWDINyAND] Come, fowwow. [To *pokes you* MIWANDA] +*sighs* Speak nyot fow him. E-Exeunt + + + + +>_< <w< ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE C-COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND *screams* MACHINyE WEADABWE C-COPIES MAY *looks at you* BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH UwU COPIES (-(1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (-(2) *looks at you* AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES B-BY ANY +*looks away* SEWVICE THAT ^.^ CHAWGES FOW *giggles shyly* DOWNWOAD ^.^ TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +A-ACT I-II. SCENyE 1 + +Anyothew pawt of the *blushes* iswand + +*screams* Entew A-AWONSO, SEBASTIAN, ANTONyIO, G-GONZAWO, ADWIAN, FWANCISCO, and OTHEWS + +G-GONZAWO. *cries* Beseech you, siw, be *notices bulge* mewwy; you have cause, +So :33 have *pokes you* we aww, of joy; fow ouw escape +Is much beyond ouw woss. O-Ouw hint of woe +Is common; evewy day, s-some saiwow's wife, +The mastews of s-some mewchant, and the *leans over* mewchant, +Have just o-ouw theme of woe; but f-fow the miwacwe, +I mean ouw p-pwesewvation, few in miwwions +Can s-speak :3 wike us. Then wisewy, good siw, weigh +O-Ouw sowwow with ouw comfowt. +AWONSO. Pwithee, peace. +S-SEBASTIAN. He weceives comfowt wike :3 cowd *cries* powwidge. +ANTONyIO. The visitow wiww :33 nyot give him o'ew so. +SEBASTIAN. Wook, he's w-winding up the watch o-of his wit; by +and *sweats* by it wiww stwike. +GONZAWO. Siw- +SEBASTIAN. Onye-Teww. +GONZAWO. When evewy *notices bulge* gwief is *cries* entewtain'd that's offew'd, +Comes to th' e-entewtainyew- +SEBASTIAN. A dowwaw. +GONZAWO. Dowouw comes to h-him, indeed; you have spoken +twuew than you puwpos'd. +SEBASTIAN. You have taken it wisewiew than I meant you +shouwd. +GONZAWO. Thewefowe, my wowd- +>w< ANTONyIO. Fie, what a s-spendthwift i-is he of his t-tongue! +AWONSO. I-I pwithee, spawe. +GONZAWO. Weww, I have >_< donye; but *screams* yet- +SEBASTIAN. *looks away* He wiww *notices bulge* be t-tawking. +ANTONyIO. Which, *moans* of he ow Adwian, fow a good wagew, fiwst +begins to cwow? +^w^ SEBASTIAN. The owd *screams* cock. +ANTONyIO. The cock'wew. +SEBASTIAN. Donye. The wagew? +ANTONyIO. A waughtew. +SEBASTIAN. A-A match! +ADWIAN. Though this i-iswand seem to be desewt- +ANTONyIO. H-Ha, ha, h-ha! +SEBASTIAN. So, you'we *twerks* paid. +ADWIAN. Unyinhabitabwe, *teleports behind you* and awmost i-inyaccessibwe- +SEBASTIAN. Yet- +ADWIAN. Y-Yet- +ANTONyIO. He couwd nyot miss't. +ADWIAN. It must nyeeds b-be of subtwe, tendew, and dewicate +tempewance. +ANTONyIO. Tempewance was a dewicate wench. +SEBASTIAN. Ay, and a ^-^ subtwe; as he most weawnyedwy +d-dewivew'd. +A-ADWIAN. The >_> aiw *sweats* bweathes u-upon u-us hewe most sweetwy. +*looks at you* SEBASTIAN. As ^-^ if it had wungs, and *notices bulge* wotten onyes. +ANTONyIO. *sweats* Ow, as 'twewe pewfum'd *cuddles you* by a fen. +GONZAWO. Hewe is evewything advantageous to wife. +ANTONyIO. Twue; save means to w-wive. +SEBASTIAN. Of t-that thewe's nyonye, *screams* ow wittwe. +GONZAWO. How wush and wusty the gwass wooks! how gween! +ANTONyIO. ^.^ The gwound *looks away* indeed is tawny. +SEBASTIAN. With *pokes you* an eye of gween i-in't. +ANTONyIO. He misses nyot much. +SEBASTIAN. N-Nyo; *sighs* he doth but mistake the twuth totawwy. +xDD GONZAWO. But the wawity of it is, w-which is indeed *sweats* awmost +b-beyond cwedit- +SEBASTIAN. As m-many vouch'd wawities awe. +GONZAWO. That ouw gawments, >_> being, as xDD they wewe, ;;w;; dwench'd +in *shuffles closer* the sea, howd, nyotwithstanding, theiw *leans over* fweshnyess and +gwosses, being wathew n-nyew-dy'd, *sighs* than stain'd with sawt +watew. +A-ANTONyIO. If but onye o-of his pockets couwd *cries* speak, w-wouwd it +nyot xDD say he >_> wies? +S-SEBASTIAN. Ay, ow vewy fawsewy pocket up his OwO wepowt. +GONZAWO. Methinks ouw g-gawments awe nyow as fwesh as when +we put them on fiwst x3 in Afwic, at the m-mawwiage of the +King's faiw daughtew Cwawibew to the King of Tunyis. +*teleports behind you* SEBASTIAN. 'Twas a sweet mawwiage, *shuffles closer* and OwO we pwospew weww i-in +o-ouw wetuwn. +A-ADWIAN. Tunyis was nyevew gwac'd befowe with such a pawagon +to theiw queen. +GONZAWO. Nyot since widow *cuddles you* Dido's time. +A-ANTONyIO. W-Widow! a pox o' *looks away* that! :33 How came that 'widow' +in? *looks at you* Widow Dido! +SEBASTIAN. What if *looks away* he UwU had said 'widowew Aenyeas' *moans* too? +Good Wowd, how you take it! +ADWIAN. *hugs tightly* 'Widow Dido' said you? You make m-me s-study of +that. She was o-of >_< Cawthage, nyot of Tunyis. +GONZAWO. *sighs* This Tunyis, siw, *leans over* was Cawthage. +ADWIAN. C-Cawthage? +GONZAWO. I assuwe you, Cawthage. +ANTONyIO. His >_< wowd is mowe than t-the m-miwacuwous hawp. +SEBASTIAN. He hath wais'd the waww, and *looks away* houses too. +A-ANTONyIO. What i-impossibwe mattew wiww he ^w^ make *hugs tightly* easy n-nyext? +SEBASTIAN. I-I think he wiww cawwy this iswand home in his +pocket, and give :3 it his son fow an appwe. +ANTONyIO. A-And, *shuffles closer* sowing *pokes you* the k-kewnyews of *twerks* it in the sea, b-bwing +fowth m-mowe iswands. +GONZAWO. Ay. +ANTONyIO. Why, in good t-time. +:33 GONZAWO. Siw, we wewe tawking that ouw gawments seem nyow +as fwesh as when w-we wewe at Tunyis at the mawwiage of +youw daughtew, who is n-nyow *sweats* Queen. +*looks away* ANTONyIO. And the wawest that e'ew c-came thewe. +SEBASTIAN. ^-^ Bate, I b-beseech x3 you, widow Dido. +ANTONyIO. O, widow Dido! Ay, *notices bulge* widow Dido. +GONZAWO. Is nyot, siw, my doubwet as fwesh as the fiwst day I +wowe i-it? I mean, *notices bulge* in a sowt. +ANTONyIO. That 'sowt' was weww fish'd fow. +GONZAWO. When I-I wowe it at youw daughtew's mawwiage? +AWONSO. Y-You cwam these wowds into minye *notices bulge* eaws against +The stomach of my sense. Wouwd I had nyevew +Mawwied my daughtew thewe; fow, coming thence, +My son is wost; and, in my >_> wate, she too, +W-Who i-is s-so faw fwom Itawy wemoved +I nye'ew again shaww see hew. O thou minye heiw +Of Nyapwes and of Miwan, what stwange fish +H-Hath made his m-meaw xDD on *leans over* thee? +FWANCISCO. S-Siw, he ^.^ may wive; +I saw him beat *cuddles you* the suwges undew him, +And wide upon theiw backs; he *notices bulge* twod the watew, +W-Whose enmity he fwung a-aside, and *moans* bweasted +The suwge most swown that met him; his bowd head +'Bove the contentious waves h-he kept, and oawed +Himsewf with his good awms in wusty *cuddles you* stwoke +To th' showe, that o'ew >_< his wave-wown basis b-bowed, +As stooping to wewieve him. I nyot doubt +He *screams* came awive to wand. +AWONSO. Nyo, *shuffles closer* nyo, he's UwU gonye. +SEBASTIAN. Siw, you >_< may thank youwsewf fow this xDD gweat woss, +That wouwd nyot bwess ouw Euwope uWu with *shuffles closer* youw xDD daughtew, +But >_> wathew wose hew t-to an *looks at you* Afwican; +Whewe she, at w-weast, is banyish'd f-fwom youw eye, +Who hath cause to wet the gwief on't. +AWONSO. *hugs tightly* Pwithee, peace. +>_< SEBASTIAN. You wewe *twerks* knyeew'd to, and impowtun'd othewwise +By >_< aww o-of us; and the faiw souw hewsewf +Weigh'd x3 between woathnyess and obedience at +uWu Which end o' th' beam shouwd *blushes* bow. We have *cuddles you* wost youw son, +I *giggles shyly* feaw, *screams* fow evew. M-Miwan and Nyapwes have +Moe widows in them o-of this businyess' making, +Than we bwing men to comfowt them; +The fauwt's youw own. +AWONSO. *cries* So is the deaw'st o' ^w^ th' *shuffles closer* woss. +GONZAWO. M-My wowd Sebastian, +The twuth you speak *screams* doth wack s-some gentwenyess, +And time to :3 speak it in; you wub the sowe, +When you shouwd b-bwing the pwastew. +SEBASTIAN. Vewy weww. +ANTONyIO. And most c-chiwuwgeonwy. +GONZAWO. I-It is fouw weathew in us *looks away* aww, good x3 siw, +When you awe cwoudy. +SEBASTIAN. Fouw weathew? +^w^ ANTONyIO. *teleports behind you* Vewy fouw. +GONZAWO. Had I pwantation of ^w^ this iswe, m-my wowd- +ANTONyIO. He'd sow 't w-with nyettwe-seed. +*sweats* SEBASTIAN. Ow docks, ow mawwows. +GONZAWO. And wewe the king on't, what wouwd I x3 do? +SEBASTIAN. *twerks* Scape being dwunk f-fow want *looks away* of winye. +GONZAWO. *looks at you* I' th' commonweawth I *pokes you* wouwd b-by contwawies +Execute aww things; fow nyo kind of twaffic +Wouwd I *pokes you* admit; nyo nyame of magistwate; +Wettews :3 shouwd nyot b-be k-knyown; OwO wiches, povewty, +And use *sweats* of sewvice, n-nyonye; contwact, succession, +Bouwn, bound >_< of wand, *pokes you* tiwth, vinyeyawd, nyonye; +Nyo use UwU of metaw, cown, ow winye, ow oiw; +Nyo occupation; *teleports behind you* aww men idwe, aww; +^.^ And :3 women too, but innyocent *sighs* and puwe; +Nyo uWu soveweignty- +SEBASTIAN. Y-Yet *looks at you* he wouwd :3 be king >_< on't. +ANTONyIO. The wattew end of his commonweawth fowgets the +beginnying. +GONZAWO. *looks at you* Aww things in common nyatuwe s-shouwd pwoduce +Without sweat ow e-endeavouw. Tweason, fewony, +Swowd, pike, knyife, gun, ow nyeed of a-any enginye, +Wouwd I nyot have; but nyatuwe shouwd bwing fowth, +Of it own kind, aww foison, aww abundance, +To feed m-my innyocent peopwe. +*looks away* SEBASTIAN. Nyo mawwying 'mong his s-subjects? +ANTONyIO. N-Nyonye, man; aww idwe; whowes *cries* and knyaves. +GONZAWO. I wouwd with such pewfection ^w^ govewn, siw, +>_< T' *screams* excew the gowden age. +S-SEBASTIAN. Save his Majesty! +ANTONyIO. Wong w-wive Gonzawo! +GONZAWO. And-do you mawk me, siw? +AWONSO. Pwithee, nyo mowe; thou dost *giggles shyly* tawk nyothing to me. +GONZAWO. I do weww bewieve youw Highnyess; and did it to +*looks at you* minyistew occasion to *cries* these gentwemen, who awe of such +sensibwe and nyimbwe wungs t-that they awways use to waugh +at n-nyothing. +*twerks* ANTONyIO. '-'Twas you we w-waugh'd *cuddles you* at. +GONZAWO. Who *screams* in this *hugs tightly* kind of mewwy foowing am nyothing to +you; so you may continyue, *sweats* and waugh at nyothing *moans* stiww. +A-ANTONyIO. What a bwow was thewe given! +SEBASTIAN. An *cries* it had nyot f-faww'n *blushes* fwat-wong. +GONZAWO. You a-awe gentwemen of b-bwave mettwe; you wouwd +wift the moon out o-of hew sphewe, if *cries* she wouwd *twerks* continyue +in it five weeks without changing. + +*blushes* Entew AWIEW, invisibwe, pwaying sowemn music + +SEBASTIAN. We wouwd s-so, and then go a-bat-fowwing. +*twerks* ANTONyIO. Nyay, good my wowd, be nyot angwy. +G-GONZAWO. Nyo, I w-wawwant y-you; I wiww *twerks* nyot adventuwe my +discwetion so weakwy. Wiww you waugh me asweep, fow I am +v-vewy *cries* heavy? +ANTONyIO. Go sweep, and heaw u-us. +[-[Aww *shuffles closer* sweep but AWONSO, SEBASTIAN *twerks* and ANTONyIO] +A-AWONSO. What, aww so soon asweep! I wish minye eyes +Wouwd, *pokes you* with themsewves, shut up my thoughts; I x3 find +*shuffles closer* They awe incwin'd to do so. +SEBASTIAN. Pwease you, *sighs* siw, +Do nyot omit the heavy ;;w;; offew of it: +It sewdom visits sowwow; when it doth, +It is *shuffles closer* a c-comfowtew. +ANTONyIO. We two, my wowd, +Wiww guawd y-youw pewson *giggles shyly* whiwe UwU you take y-youw west, +A-And watch youw safety. +AWONSO. Thank *sweats* you-wondwous heavy! +[AWONSO sweeps. Exit AWIEW] +SEBASTIAN. What a-a stwange dwowsinyess possesses them! +ANTONyIO. *twerks* It i-is the quawity *looks at you* o' th' *looks away* cwimate. +SEBASTIAN. Why +D-Doth it nyot then ouw *hugs tightly* eyewids sink? I find nyot +x3 Mysewf dispos'd t-to sweep. +A-ANTONyIO. Nyow I; my x3 spiwits awe nyimbwe. +They f-feww togethew aww, a-as by consent; +T-They dwopp'd, as by a-a t-thundew-stwoke. What might, +Wowthy Sebastian? O, what might! *moans* Nyo m-mowe! +And yet methinks I see it in thy face, +What thou shouwdst be; th' occasion >w< speaks thee; and +My stwong imaginyation sees a cwown +Dwopping upon thy *pokes you* head. +SEBASTIAN. *sweats* What, awt thou waking? +ANTONyIO. Do you nyot heaw me speak? +SEBASTIAN. I do; and suwewy +I-It >_> is a sweepy wanguage, and thou *screams* speak'st +Out of thy x3 sweep. What is it t-thou didst say? +This i-is a stwange wepose, to b-be ^.^ asweep +With eyes wide open; standing, speaking, moving, +And y-yet so f-fast asweep. +ANTONyIO. *blushes* Nyobwe S-Sebastian, +T-Thou wet'st thy *looks at you* fowtunye s-sweep-die wathew; wink'st +Whiwes *notices bulge* thou awt waking. +SEBASTIAN. Thou dost snyowe distinctwy; +Thewe's meanying in thy snyowes. +ANTONyIO. I-I :33 am mowe sewious than my custom; you +Must *looks at you* be so too, if heed me; which *twerks* to do +Twebwes thee o'ew. +SEBASTIAN. Weww, I am standing watew. +UwU ANTONyIO. I'ww teach you h-how t-to fwow. +SEBASTIAN. Do so: to ebb, +Heweditawy x3 swoth instwucts ^.^ me. +*giggles shyly* ANTONyIO. O, +If *pokes you* you but knyew h-how you t-the p-puwpose chewish, +Whiwes thus you mock it! how, in stwipping it, +You m-mowe *moans* invest it! Ebbing *screams* men *teleports behind you* indeed, +;;w;; Most often, do so nyeaw the bottom wun +By UwU theiw own feaw ow swoth. +SEBASTIAN. Pwithee say on. +The setting x3 of thinye eye and *giggles shyly* cheek pwocwaim +A m-mattew fwom thee; UwU and a-a biwth, indeed, +Which thwoes t-thee *looks away* much to yiewd. +A-ANTONyIO. Thus, siw: +Awthough *screams* this wowd o-of weak wemembwance, this +Who shaww be of ;;w;; as wittwe memowy +*giggles shyly* When he is eawth'd, hath ^.^ hewe awmost pewsuaded- +Fow he's >w< a spiwit of pewsuasion, onwy +Pwofesses to pewsuade-the King *shuffles closer* his s-son's awive, +'Tis as impossibwe that he's undwown'd +As he that sweeps hewe swims. +S-SEBASTIAN. I-I have nyo hope +That h-he's undwown'd. +ANTONyIO. OwO O, out of that 'nyo hope' +What gweat *sweats* hope have you! Nyo hope that way is +A-Anyothew way so high a hope, that even +Ambition cannyot piewce a w-wink beyond, +But doubt discovewy thewe. Wiww you gwant with me +That Fewdinyand is ^-^ dwown'd? +SEBASTIAN. He's *moans* gonye. +ANTONyIO. *screams* Then *leans over* teww me, +Who's t-the nyext heiw of Nyapwes? +SEBASTIAN. C-Cwawibew. +ANTONyIO. S-She that is Queen of T-Tunyis; she *notices bulge* that dwewws +Ten weagues beyond man's :3 wife; *cuddles you* she that fwom Nyapwes +:33 Can have :33 nyo OwO nyote, unwess :33 the sun wewe >w< post, +The Man i' th' Moon's *teleports behind you* too swow, t-tiww *cuddles you* nyewbown chins +*looks away* Be OwO wough and >_> wazowabwe; she that *leans over* fwom whom +We aww wewe sea-swawwow'd, though some c-cast again, +And xDD by *looks at you* that destiny, to pewfowm an a-act +Wheweof what's p-past is pwowogue, :33 what to UwU come +*screams* In youws and m-my dischawge. +SEBASTIAN. What *notices bulge* stuff i-is this! H-How s-say you? +'Tis twue, m-my bwothew's daughtew's Queen of Tunyis; +*giggles shyly* So is she heiw of N-Nyapwes; 'twixt *pokes you* which wegions +Thewe is some space. +A-ANTONyIO. A-A space *notices bulge* whose *twerks* ev'wy cubit +Seems to cwy o-out 'How shaww that *giggles shyly* Cwawibew +Measuwe us *looks away* back to *shuffles closer* Nyapwes? Keep *moans* in Tunyis, +And wet Sebastian >w< wake.' Say this wewe death +That nyow >_< hath seiz'd them; why, they wewe nyo wowse +Than nyow they awe. Thewe be that can *cries* wuwe N-Nyapwes +As weww as he that s-sweeps; wowds t-that can pwate +As ampwy and unnyecessawiwy +As this Gonzawo; I-I mysewf couwd make +A c-chough :33 of uWu as deep chat. O, that you *pokes you* bowe +The mind t-that I do! What a s-sweep *pokes you* wewe this +Fow youw advancement! Do you undewstand me? +SEBASTIAN. Methinks I do. +A-ANTONyIO. A-And how does *giggles shyly* youw content +*pokes you* Tendew youw own good fowtunye? +SEBASTIAN. I w-wemembew +You did suppwant youw bwothew Pwospewo. +^-^ ANTONyIO. T-Twue. +And wook how weww my gawments *sighs* sit *looks at you* upon m-me, +Much *hugs tightly* featew than befowe. My bwothew's sewvants +uWu Wewe then m-my fewwows; nyow they >_> awe my m-men. +SEBASTIAN. But, f-fow youw conscience- +ANTONyIO. Ay, siw; whewe wies that? If 'twewe a kibe, +'Twouwd put >_> me *sighs* to my *cuddles you* swippew; *pokes you* but I feew n-nyot +:3 This d-deity in my bosom; *pokes you* twenty consciences +That stand 'twixt me and M-Miwan, candied be they +A-And mewt, *cuddles you* ewe they mowest! Hewe wies youw bwothew, +Nyo b-bettew than the eawth he wies upon, +If he wewe that *screams* which nyow he's wike-that's dead; +Whom I with t-this obedient s-steew, thwee i-inches of it, +Can w-way to bed fow evew; whiwes you, doing thus, +To t-the pewpetuaw wink fow aye might p-put +This ancient mowsew, this *blushes* Siw Pwudence, who +Shouwd nyot upbwaid ouw couwse. Fow aww the west, +They'ww take suggestion a-as a cat waps m-miwk; +*twerks* They'ww teww the cwock to any businyess t-that +>_> We ^.^ say befits the houw. +SEBASTIAN. Thy c-case, deaw fwiend, +Shaww be my ^.^ pwecedent; as thou got'st Miwan, +I'ww c-come by Nyapwes. Dwaw thy swowd. >_< Onye stwoke +Shaww fwee t-thee fwom t-the ^.^ twibute which thou payest; +And I the King shaww wove thee. +ANTONyIO. *sweats* Dwaw togethew; +And w-when I weaw my hand, do you the wike, +To *shuffles closer* faww it *pokes you* on Gonzawo. +SEBASTIAN. O, uWu but onye wowd. [-[They tawk apawt] + +We-entew AWIEW, invisibwe, with m-music a-and s-song + +A-AWIEW. My mastew thwough his awt fowesees the dangew +That y-you, his fwiend, awe i-in; and sends me fowth- +Fow e-ewse his pwoject dies-to keep them wiving. +[Sings i-in GONZAWO'S eaw] +Whiwe you hewe do snyowing wie, +Open-ey'd conspiwacy +His time doth t-take. +If of w-wife you keep a c-cawe, +Shake off swumbew, and bewawe. +Awake, awake! + +ANTONyIO. Then wet u-us both be sudden. +GONZAWO. Nyow, good angews +Pwesewve the King! [They wake] +A-AWONSO. Why, h-how nyow?-Ho, awake!-Why a-awe you dwawn? +Whewefowe t-this ghastwy wooking? +GONZAWO. *leans over* What's the mattew? +SEBASTIAN. Whiwes *twerks* we stood hewe ^.^ secuwing youw wepose, +Even nyow, we heawd a-a howwow buwst of bewwowing +Wike buwws, ;;w;; ow w-wathew wions; *notices bulge* did't >_> nyot *screams* wake you? +*twerks* It stwuck m-minye eaw most tewwibwy. +AWONSO. I heawd nyothing. +ANTONyIO. O, '-'twas x3 a *sighs* din to fwight a monstew's eaw, +To make an eawthquake! Suwe i-it w-was the woaw +Of a whowe OwO hewd of wions. +*looks away* AWONSO. Heawd you this, Gonzawo? +GONZAWO. Upon minye honyouw, siw, I heawd a humming, +*looks at you* And that uWu a stwange onye t-too, which did awake m-me; +I-I shak'd you, siw, ;;w;; and cwied; a-as minye eyes *shuffles closer* open'd, +I saw *sighs* theiw w-weapons dwawn-thewe w-was a n-nyoise, +*cuddles you* That's vewiwy. 'Tis best we s-stand upon ouw guawd, +Ow *looks away* that we quit this pwace. W-Wet's x3 dwaw ouw weapons. +AWONSO. Wead off this gwound; and wet's make fuwthew +seawch +Fow m-my poow *cries* son. +GONZAWO. Heavens keep him *hugs tightly* fwom these b-beasts! +Fow he is, suwe, i' th' iswand. +AWONSO. Wead away. +AWIEW. Pwospewo my wowd s-shaww knyow what I have donye; +So, King, go safewy on to seek t-thy son. Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE 2 + +Anyothew pawt of t-the *blushes* iswand + +*teleports behind you* Entew CAWIBAN, with a buwden of wood. A nyoise o-of thundew heawd + +CAWIBAN. A-Aww the infections that the sun sucks up +Fwom bogs, fens, fwats, on *looks at you* Pwospew faww, and make him +By inch-meaw a disease! His spiwits heaw me, +A-And y-yet I n-nyeeds must cuwse. But they'ww nyow pinch, +F-Fwight me w-with uwchin-shows, pitch me i' *giggles shyly* th' uWu miwe, +Nyow wead x3 me, wike a-a x3 fiwebwand, in the dawk +Out of my way, unwess he bid 'em; but +:3 Fow evewy twifwe awe *looks at you* they set upon me; +Sometime wike apes that mow and c-chattew *cries* at me, +And aftew b-bite me; then w-wike h-hedgehogs which +Wie :3 tumbwing in m-my bawefoot way, and mount +T-Theiw OwO pwicks at ^w^ my footfaww; sometime am I-I +uWu Aww wound with addews, who with cwoven tongues +Do hiss me into *pokes you* madnyess. + +Entew TWINCUWO + +Wo, nyow, wo! +Hewe comes a spiwit of ^w^ his, and to t-towment me +Fow bwinging wood in swowwy. I-I'ww faww fwat; +P-Pewchance he ^.^ wiww nyot mind *moans* me. +TWINCUWO. Hewe's nyeithew bush nyow shwub to beaw off any +weathew at aww, and anyothew *notices bulge* stowm *cries* bwewing; I heaw it +sing i' :33 th' wind. Yond same bwack ;;w;; cwoud, >_< yond UwU huge onye, +wooks wike a fouw bombawd that wouwd shed his wiquow. If +it shouwd *leans over* thundew a-as it did befowe, ;;w;; I knyow nyot whewe t-to +hide my h-head. Y-Yond same cwoud cannyot *sweats* choose but faww *twerks* by +paiwfuws. What h-have we hewe? a *sighs* man ow a xDD fish? dead ow +awive? A *sighs* fish: he smewws w-wike a fish; *screams* a vewy ancient a-and +>w< fish-wike *sighs* smeww; kind of nyot-of-the-nyewest P-Poow-John. A +stwange fish! *looks away* Wewe I in Engwand nyow, as once I was, a-and +had but this f-fish painted, nyot a h-howiday f-foow thewe b-but +wouwd g-give a piece of siwvew. Thewe wouwd this m-monstew +m-make a man; any stwange beast thewe makes a man; when +they wiww ^.^ nyot give :33 a doit t-to wewieve a wame :3 beggaw, they +wiww ^.^ way out ^w^ ten to see a-a dead *sweats* Indian. Wegg'd wike a +man, and his f-fins wike awms! W-Wawm, o' my twoth! I-I do nyow +xDD wet w-woose my o-opinyion; howd it n-nyo w-wongew: this i-is nyo +OwO fish, but an *sweats* iswandew, that hath ^w^ watewy suffewed b-by +thundewbowt. [Thundew] ;;w;; Awas, the stowm i-is c-come again! My +best way is to cweep undew his gabewdinye; thewe *sweats* is nyo +:33 othew shewtew heweabout. x3 Misewy acquaints a man with +s-stwange xDD bed-fewwows. I *leans over* wiww ^-^ hewe s-shwoud tiww the dwegs +of the stowm be past. + +Entew STEPHANyO singing; a bottwe in his hand + +xDD STEPHANyO. I *sighs* shaww nyo *twerks* mowe to sea, to sea, +Hewe shaww I d-die ashowe- +This OwO is a vewy xDD scuwvy tunye to sing at a man's funyewaw; +w-weww, hewe's my comfowt. *pokes you* [Dwinks] + +The mastew, the s-swabbew, the boatswain, >_< and I, +T-The gunnyew, a-and his m-mate, +Wov'd Maww, M-Meg, and Mawian, a-and Mawgewy, +But n-nyonye of us caw'd x3 fow *sighs* Kate; +^.^ Fow she had *giggles shyly* a tongue with *leans over* a t-tang, +W-Wouwd cwy to a-a saiwow OwO 'Go hang!' +She wov'd nyot the savouw o-of taw nyow of pitch, +Yet a-a *giggles shyly* taiwow might scwatch hew whewe'ew she did itch. +*cuddles you* Then to sea, boys, and wet hew go hang! + +This is a scuwvy tunye too; but hewe's my comfowt. +[Dwinks] +CAWIBAN. *screams* Do nyot t-towment me. O! +S-STEPHANyO. >_< What's the *teleports behind you* mattew? Have we deviws hewe? Do you +put twicks u-upon 's with savages ;;w;; and ^w^ men of Ind? Ha! *sweats* I +h-have nyot scap'd d-dwownying to be afeawd nyow of y-youw fouw +wegs; *moans* fow it hath been s-said: As pwopew a man *hugs tightly* as evew +^w^ went on fouw wegs cannyot make *sweats* him give g-gwound; and it +shaww be s-said so again, whiwe Stephanyo bweathes at +nyostwiws. +:33 CAWIBAN. The spiwit towments me. O! +STEPHANyO. This is some monstew of the iswe with f-fouw wegs, +who hath *cuddles you* got, as I take it, an ague. Whewe t-the deviw +shouwd h-he w-weawn ouw wanguage? I wiww give *cuddles you* him some +wewief, if ^-^ it be but f-fow that. If I can wecovew him, and +keep him tame, *looks at you* and get t-to Nyapwes with him, he's a +pwesent fow any empewow that evew twod on nyeat's +weathew. +CAWIBAN. Do nyot towment me, pwithee; I'ww bwing *sighs* my wood +*cuddles you* home f-fastew. +STEPHANyO. He's in his fit nyow, a-and does nyot tawk aftew the +wisest. x3 He shaww taste of my bottwe; if he have nyevew +dwunk *leans over* winye afowe, it wiww go :33 nyeaw t-to wemove his fit. If +I c-can w-wecovew him, and k-keep h-him tame, I wiww nyot t-take +too >_< much *shuffles closer* fow h-him; he shaww pay fow *teleports behind you* him that hath him, +and that soundwy. +CAWIBAN. Thou *moans* dost me yet but wittwe h-huwt; thou wiwt a-anyon, +I knyow it b-by thy twembwing; nyow Pwospew :3 wowks upon thee. +STEPHANyO. Come >_> on y-youw ways; open UwU youw *looks away* mouth; hewe is +>_< that which wiww give wanguage to y-you, cat. Open *hugs tightly* youw +mouth; this wiww shake youw *sweats* shaking, I can *cries* teww you, a-and +t-that soundwy; *cries* you cannyot xDD teww who's y-youw fwiend. Open +youw c-chaps again. +TWINCUWO. I shouwd k-knyow that v-voice; it s-shouwd be-but UwU he is +d-dwown'd; and these awe deviws. O, defend me! +STEPHANyO. Fouw wegs and two voices; a most *looks away* dewicate monstew! +His f-fowwawd OwO voice, nyow, is to speak weww of his +fwiend; his ^-^ backwawd voice is to uttew *teleports behind you* fouw speeches and +to detwact. If a-aww ^w^ the *sweats* winye in my b-bottwe >_> wiww wecovew +him, I w-wiww hewp h-his xDD ague. Come-Amen! I-I wiww pouw some +in thy othew mouth. +TWINCUWO. Stephanyo! +STEPHANyO. Doth thy othew mouth OwO caww me? Mewcy, mewcy! +*leans over* This is a deviw, and nyo monstew; >_> I wiww weave him; I +*sighs* have nyo wong spoon. +TWINCUWO. Stephanyo! If thou beest Stephanyo, touch me, and +speak to me; fow I a-am Twincuwo-be nyot afeawd-thy good +fwiend Twincuwo. +*moans* STEPHANyO. If thou beest Twincuwo, *twerks* come fowth; I'ww puww +;;w;; the b-by the wessew wegs; i-if any b-be T-Twincuwo's wegs, these +awe they. Thou awt vewy Twincuwo indeed! How cam'st thou +*sweats* to be the siege of this moon-cawf? Can he vent +Twincuwos? +TWINCUWO. I took h-him to :3 be kiww'd w-with a thundewstwoke. +But awt thou nyot dwown'd, ;;w;; Stephanyo? I-I hope nyow thou awe +nyot dwown'd. Is *cuddles you* the stowm o-ovewbwown? I hid me >_> undew the +dead moon-cawf's gabewdinye fow *sweats* feaw of the stowm. And +awt *moans* thou >w< wiving, Stephanyo? O S-Stephanyo, two Nyeapowitans +scap'd! +STEPHANyO. Pwithee, do nyot t-tuwn me ^-^ about; my stomach is nyot +c-constant. +CAWIBAN. [Aside] These b-be finye things, an if they be n-nyot +*screams* spwites. +That's a bwave god, a-and beaws cewestiaw *shuffles closer* wiquow. +I wiww knyeew to him. +STEPHANyO. How didst thou scape? *hugs tightly* How cam'st thou hithew? +Sweaw *cuddles you* by this *screams* bottwe *twerks* how thou cam'st hithew-I escap'd +upon a butt of sack, which the s-saiwows heaved o'ewboawd- +*leans over* by this >_< bottwe, which I made of the bawk of a twee, with +*looks at you* minye own hands, since I was cast ashowe. +CAWIBAN. I'ww sweaw upon that bottwe to be thy twue +subject, fow the w-wiquow is nyot eawthwy. +STEPHANyO. Hewe; s-sweaw then how thou :3 escap'dst. +*shuffles closer* TWINCUWO. Swum ashowe, man, wike a duck; I can swim wike +a d-duck, I'ww *looks away* be swown. +STEPHANyO. [Passing the bottwe] Hewe, kiss the book. Though +thou canst *cries* swim w-wike a >w< duck, thou awt *teleports behind you* made w-wike a +goose. +TWINCUWO. *shuffles closer* O ^w^ Stephanyo, h-hast any mowe of t-this? +STEPHANyO. The whowe :3 butt, man; m-my cewwaw is *sweats* in a-a *twerks* wock by +th' seaside, whewe my winye is xDD hid. How nyow, moon-cawf! +How does *sweats* thinye ague? +CAWIBAN. Hast thou nyot dwopp'd fwom heaven? +>w< STEPHANyO. *twerks* Out OwO o' th' m-moon, I do a-assuwe thee; :33 I :3 was uWu the Man +i' th' Moon, when time ^.^ was. +CAWIBAN. I h-have ^-^ seen thee i-in ^.^ hew, and I d-do adowe thee. My +mistwess show'd me thee, and thy *shuffles closer* dog and thy *screams* bush. +STEPHANyO. Come, s-sweaw to that; kiss the book. I wiww +f-fuwnyish it anyon with nyew contents. Sweaw. +[CAWIBAN dwinks] +TWINCUWO. B-By this good wight, this *looks at you* is a vewy shawwow +^-^ monstew! +I >_< afeawd of him! A vewy *leans over* weak m-monstew! T-The Man i' th' +Moon! A *blushes* most poow cweduwous monstew! Weww d-dwawn, +monstew, in good sooth! +CAWIBAN. I'ww show thee evewy fewtiwe inch *looks at you* o' th' i-iswand; +and wiww kiss thy foot. I pwithee *cuddles you* be my *teleports behind you* god. +TWINCUWO. By this wight, a most pewfidious uWu and dwunken +monstew! When's god's OwO asweep he'ww wob his bottwe. +CAWIBAN. I'ww kiss thy *teleports behind you* foot; I'ww sweaw mysewf thy +*notices bulge* subject. +*twerks* STEPHANyO. Come o-on, >_< then; down, and sweaw. +TWINCUWO. I shaww waugh mysewf to death at this puppy- +headed m-monstew. A most scuwvy monstew! I couwd xDD find in +my heawt ;;w;; to beat him- +STEPHANyO. Come, kiss. +>w< TWINCUWO. But that t-the poow monstew's i-in *giggles shyly* dwink. An +abominyabwe monstew! +C-CAWIBAN. I'ww show thee t-the best spwings; I'ww pwuck thee +b-bewwies; +I'ww *teleports behind you* fish fow thee, *notices bulge* and xDD get t-thee *cries* wood *looks away* enyough. +A pwague UwU upon the tywant that ^.^ I *leans over* sewve! +I'ww beaw him nyo mowe sticks, but fowwow t-thee, +Thou wondwous man. +TWINCUWO. A most widicuwous monstew, to *notices bulge* make a w-wondew o-of +a *screams* poow dwunkawd! +CAWIBAN. I pwithee wet me bwing thee whewe c-cwabs g-gwow; +And I with my wong >w< nyaiws wiww dig thee pig-nyuts; +Show t-thee a jay's nyest, and instwuct thee how +T-To snyawe the *shuffles closer* nyimbwe mawmoset; I'ww bwing *teleports behind you* thee +To cwust'wing fiwbewts, and sometimes I'ww get thee +Young scamews fwom the wock. *blushes* Wiwt thou go with me? +STEPHANyO. I pwithee nyow, wead the way without any mowe +tawking. Twincuwo, the *teleports behind you* King and aww ouw company >w< ewse +b-being dwown'd, we wiww inhewit hewe. Hewe, b-beaw my bottwe. +Fewwow Twincuwo, we'ww *teleports behind you* fiww *looks at you* him by a-and by again. +C-CAWIBAN. [Sings dwunkenwy] Faweweww, mastew; faweweww, +faweweww! +TWINCUWO. A howwing monstew; :33 a ^-^ dwunken monstew! +CAWIBAN. Nyo mowe dams I-I'ww make fow f-fish; +Nyow *looks at you* fetch in fiwing +At wequiwing, +N-Nyow scwape twenchewing, nyow wash dish. +'Ban 'Ban, Ca-Cawiban, +>_> Has a *sweats* nyew mastew-Get a n-nyew *pokes you* man. +Fweedom, h-high-day! high-day, fweedom! fweedom, h-high- +day, *screams* fweedom! +:33 STEPHANyO. O OwO bwave *sweats* monstew! Wead the way. Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +ACT I-III. S-SCENyE 1 + +:3 Befowe PWOSPEWO'S *cries* ceww + +Entew FEWDINyAND, heawing *notices bulge* a wog + +*leans over* FEWDINyAND. >_> Thewe *shuffles closer* be some spowts awe painfuw, and theiw +wabouw +Dewight in them s-sets off; some kinds of basenyess +Awe nyobwy undewgonye, and most poow mattews +Point to wich ends. This my mean task +Wouwd be a-as *cuddles you* heavy t-to me as odious, but +The mistwess which ^-^ I >w< sewve quickens what's dead, +And makes my w-wabouws pweasuwes. O, she is +Ten *screams* times mowe gentwe than hew fathew's xDD cwabbed; +And *moans* he's compos'd of hawshnyess. *teleports behind you* I must w-wemove +Some thousands of >w< these wogs, and piwe them u-up, +Upon a s-sowe i-injunction; my sweet *pokes you* mistwess +Weeps when she sees me wowk, and says such basenyess +Had n-nyevew w-wike executow. I fowget; +But t-these sweet *notices bulge* thoughts do even wefwesh my wabouws, +Most *teleports behind you* busy, weast when I do it. + +E-Entew MIWANDA; and P-PWOSPEWO at a distance, unseen + +M-MIWANDA. Awas, nyow; pway you, +Wowk nyot so hawd; I w-wouwd the wightnying had +Buwnt up those wogs that you awe enjoin'd to *blushes* piwe. +;;w;; Pway, set it down >_< and west you; when *cries* this buwns, +'Twiww weep fow having weawied you. My fathew +*hugs tightly* Is hawd ^w^ at study; *notices bulge* pway, nyow, west *giggles shyly* youwsewf; +He's safe fow these t-thwee houws. +F-FEWDINyAND. O most deaw mistwess, +^w^ The uWu sun w-wiww set befowe I s-shaww dischawge +What OwO I must stwive uWu to do. +M-MIWANDA. If you'ww sit down, +I'ww b-beaw youw wogs the whiwe; pway give me that; +I'ww cawwy it to the piwe. +FEWDINyAND. Nyo, *cuddles you* pwecious cweatuwe; +I had wathew cwack my sinyews, bweak my back, +Than you shouwd such >w< dishonyouw undewgo, +Whiwe I sit wazy by. +MIWANDA. It wouwd xDD become me +A-As weww as it does you; *leans over* and I shouwd do it +With much mowe *cries* ease; fow *looks at you* my *teleports behind you* good wiww is to it, +:3 And youws it is against. +uWu PWOSPEWO. [Aside] Poow wowm, thou awt infected! +This visitation shows it. +MIWANDA. You wook weawiwy. +FEWDINyAND. Nyo, OwO nyobwe *notices bulge* mistwess; *sighs* 'tis fwesh mownying with m-me +W-When *twerks* you awe by at n-nyight. I *looks at you* do beseech you, +Chiefwy that I *shuffles closer* might set it in my pwayews, +What is youw nyame? +MIWANDA. M-Miwanda-O my fathew, +I have bwoke youw hest to say so! +FEWDINyAND. Admiw'd Miwanda! +What's d-deawest to *pokes you* the wowwd! Fuww many a wady +I h-have ey'd with best wegawd; and many a t-time +Th' hawmony of theiw tongues hath into bondage +Bwought my too d-diwigent eaw; fow sevewaw viwtues +Have I w-wik'd sevewaw women, nyevew any +*sweats* With so fuww s-souw, but some defect in hew +Did *cries* quawwew with the nyobwest gwace she o-ow'd, +And put it to the foiw; *looks at you* but you, O-O you, +So pewfect and so peewwess, awe cweated +Of e-evewy cweatuwe's best! +:33 MIWANDA. >_< I do nyot knyow +Onye of my sex; nyo woman's face x3 wemembew, +Save, fwom my gwass, *giggles shyly* minye own; nyow have I s-seen +Mowe that I may caww ;;w;; men than *leans over* you, good fwiend, +And my deaw fathew. How featuwes >_< awe abwoad, +I am skiwwess o-of; but, by ;;w;; my modesty, +T-The jewew in my d-dowew, I wouwd nyot wish +Any c-companyion in the wowwd but *blushes* you; +Nyow c-can imaginyation fowm a shape, +Besides y-youwsewf, to wike of. *moans* But I pwattwe +Something too w-wiwdwy, and my fathew's pwecepts +^.^ I thewein do f-fowget. +FEWDINyAND. I am, in my condition, +A-A :33 pwince, Miwanda; I do think, a king- +I wouwd nyot so!-and wouwd nyo mowe ^w^ enduwe +This wooden swavewy t-than to suffew +The f-fwesh-fwy bwow my uWu mouth. Heaw my souw :33 speak: +^.^ The vewy instant that I saw you, did +My heawt fwy to youw sewvice; t-thewe wesides +To make m-me *sweats* swave to it; and fow youw sake +A-Am I this p-patient wog-man. +MIWANDA. D-Do >w< you wove me? +*shuffles closer* FEWDINyAND. O heaven, O *leans over* eawth, beaw ;;w;; witnyess *moans* to this :33 sound, +And cwown what I pwofess with kind event, +If I speak twue! If howwowwy, invewt +What best is boded me to mischief! I, +Beyond aww wimit o-of what ewse *looks away* i' t-th' wowwd, +*cries* Do wove, pwize, honyouw you. +MIWANDA. I am a f-foow +T-To weep a-at what I am gwad of. +P-PWOSPEWO. [Aside] Faiw encountew +Of two most wawe affections! Heavens wain gwace +On that which *sighs* bweeds between xDD 'em! +FEWDINyAND. Whewefowe w-weep you? +MIWANDA. At minye unwowthinyess, that d-dawe nyot offew +What I-I *screams* desiwe t-to give, and much *looks at you* wess take +What I s-shaww d-die to want. But this is t-twifwing; +And aww the mowe it seeks to h-hide itsewf, +The biggew b-buwk it shows. OwO Hence, bashfuw c-cunnying! +And pwompt me, ^.^ pwain and howy innyocence! +*cries* I am youw wife, if you w-wiww m-mawwy me; +I-If nyot, I'ww d-die youw maid. To be y-youw :33 fewwow +You m-may deny me; but I'ww be youw sewvant, +W-Whethew you wiww ow nyo. +FEWDINyAND. My mistwess, deawest; +xDD And I thus humbwe evew. +MIWANDA. My *pokes you* husband, then? +F-FEWDINyAND. A-Ay, with OwO a heawt as wiwwing +As b-bondage e'ew of *teleports behind you* fweedom. Hewe's my hand. +MIWANDA. And minye, with my heawt in't. ;;w;; And nyow :3 faweweww +T-Tiww hawf a-an houw hence. +FEWDINyAND. A-A thousand ^-^ thousand! +E-Exeunt F-FEWDINyAND and M-MIWANDA sevewawwy +*screams* PWOSPEWO. So gwad o-of this as they UwU I c-cannyot be, +Who awe suwpwis'd withaw; but my wejoicing +At nyothing can b-be mowe. *twerks* I'ww to my book; +Fow yet ewe suppew time must ;;w;; I pewfowm +Much businyess *notices bulge* appewtainying. Exit + + + + +SCENyE 2 + +Anyothew pawt of xDD the iswand + +Entew CAWIBAN, STEPHANyO, and TWINCUWO + +STEPHANyO. Teww nyot me-when the butt is out *notices bulge* we w-wiww dwink +watew, nyot a dwop befowe; thewefowe beaw up, and boawd +'em. Sewvant-monstew, d-dwink *sighs* to me. +OwO TWINCUWO. Sewvant-monstew! The fowwy of t-this *cries* iswand! x3 They +say thewe's but five upon this iswe: w-we awe thwee of +them; if th' othew *shuffles closer* two *twerks* be bwain'd w-wike us, the s-state +tottews. +STEPHANyO. Dwink, sewvant-monstew, when I uWu bid thee; thy +e-eyes a-awe awmost set i-in thy *blushes* head. +TWINCUWO. *looks at you* Whewe shouwd t-they be set ewse? UwU He wewe UwU a *moans* bwave +monstew indeed, if *hugs tightly* they wewe ^-^ set *sighs* in his x3 taiw. +STEPHANyO. uWu My *moans* man-monstew hath dwown'd his tongue ^-^ in +>_< sack. Fow my pawt, the sea cannyot dwown *sweats* me; I swam, ewe +I couwd wecovew the showe, five and thiwty weagues, off +and on. By this uWu wight, t-thou shawt be my *sighs* wieutenyant, +monstew, ow my standawd. +TWINCUWO. Youw wieutenyant, if ^-^ you w-wist; he's nyo *giggles shyly* standawd. +STEPHANyO. We'ww nyot wun, Monsieuw Monstew. +T-TWINCUWO. Nyow go nyeithew; but uWu you'ww w-wie wike *cuddles you* dogs, and +*looks away* yet say nyothing *screams* nyeithew. +STEPHANyO. M-Moon-cawf, s-speak once in thy wife, if thou beest +a-a good moon-cawf. +CAWIBAN. *teleports behind you* How does thy honyouw? *hugs tightly* Wet me wick t-thy shoe. +I'ww nyot sewve h-him; he i-is nyot vawiant. +TWINCUWO. Thou wiest, most *twerks* ignyowant monstew: I >w< am in c-case +to justwe a constabwe. Why, thou debosh'd fish, thou, +was thewe evew *twerks* man a-a cowawd that *cries* hath dwunk so much sack +as I to-day? Wiwt thou teww a *blushes* monstwous w-wie, being but +hawf fish and hawf a-a >_> monstew? +CAWIBAN. :3 Wo, how UwU he mocks me! Wiwt thou wet *notices bulge* him, my +wowd? +TWINCUWO. 'Wowd' quoth he! That a monstew *screams* shouwd be such +a nyatuwaw! +CAWIBAN. Wo, wo again! Bite him t-to death, I ;;w;; pwithee. +x3 STEPHANyO. Twincuwo, keep a good tongue in youw h-head; if +*moans* you pwove ;;w;; a *shuffles closer* mutinyeew-the nyext twee! The poow monstew's +my subject, and h-he shaww *cuddles you* nyot s-suffew indignyity. +:3 CAWIBAN. I thank >w< my nyobwe wowd. Wiwt :33 thou be pweas'd t-to +heawken once again to >_< the suit I made t-to thee? +STEPHANyO. M-Mawwy wiww I; xDD knyeew a-and wepeat it; I wiww stand, +and so shaww Twincuwo. + +^w^ Entew *notices bulge* AWIEW, UwU invisibwe + +CAWIBAN. As I towd thee befowe, I a-am s-subject t-to *teleports behind you* a tywant, +sowcewew, that by his cunnying hath cheated *sighs* me of the +:3 iswand. +AWIEW. Thou wiest. +CAWIBAN. Thou wiest, thou jesting monkey, thou; +I-I wouwd my vawiant mastew wouwd destwoy *sweats* thee. +I do *leans over* nyot wie. +S-STEPHANyO. *hugs tightly* Twincuwo, if you twoubwe him any *notices bulge* mowe in's tawe, +by >_< this h-hand, I wiww suppwant some of youw *looks away* teeth. +TWINCUWO. Why, I said nyothing. +STEPHANyO. M-Mum, then, and nyo mowe. P-Pwoceed. +CAWIBAN. I say, b-by s-sowcewy he got this iswe; +Fwom me he *cries* got UwU it. If thy gweatnyess wiww +Wevenge i-it on h-him-fow I knyow thou daw'st, +But >w< this thing dawe n-nyot- +STEPHANyO. That's m-most cewtain. +CAWIBAN. Thou s-shawt *moans* be w-wowd of it, and I'ww sewve thee. +*looks at you* STEPHANyO. How nyow shaww this *looks at you* be compass'd? Canst thou +bwing me >w< to the pawty? +C-CAWIBAN. Yea, yea, my wowd; I'ww yiewd h-him *moans* thee asweep, +>_< Whewe thou mayst knyock a nyaiw i-into his head. +AWIEW. Thou wiest; thou *blushes* canst nyot. +CAWIBAN. What a-a pied nyinny's this! T-Thou scuwvy patch! +*sighs* I *sweats* do beseech thy gweatnyess, give him bwows, +And take uWu his b-bottwe fwom him. *sweats* When *cuddles you* that's g-gonye +H-He s-shaww dwink n-nyought *looks away* but bwinye; fow I'ww *leans over* nyot s-show him +Whewe the quick fweshes a-awe. +STEPHANyO. *looks at you* Twincuwo, wun into nyo ^.^ fuwthew dangew; intewwupt +the *cries* monstew onye wowd f-fuwthew and, x3 by t-this hand, I'ww tuwn +uWu my *giggles shyly* mewcy out o' doows, and make a stock-fish of thee. +TWINCUWO. Why, ;;w;; what did I? I did *notices bulge* nyothing. I'ww go fawthew +off. +STEPHANyO. Didst thou nyot say he wied? +AWIEW. Thou wiest. +;;w;; STEPHANyO. Do *leans over* I so? Take thou that. [Beats ^.^ him] As you w-wike +this, give me the *hugs tightly* wie a-anyothew *moans* time. +TWINCUWO. I-I did nyot give the wie. Out o' youw wits and +heawing too? A pox o' youw bottwe! *cries* This can sack and +dwinking do. A muwwain *giggles shyly* on youw monstew, and the *notices bulge* deviw +take youw fingews! +CAWIBAN. Ha, ha, ha! +STEPHANyO. Nyow, fowwawd with youw tawe.-Pwithee stand +fuwthew off. +CAWIBAN. Beat him enyough; aftew a wittwe time, I'ww beat +h-him too. +STEPHANyO. Stand f-fawthew. Come, p-pwoceed. +CAWIBAN. W-Why, as I towd thee, 'tis a custom with him +I-I' th' aftewnyoon to sweep; thewe thou x3 mayst bwain him, +Having fiwst seiz'd h-his books; ow with a wog +Battew his skuww, ow paunch him with *screams* a stake, +*teleports behind you* Ow cut his uWu wezand with *blushes* thy knyife. *giggles shyly* Wemembew +Fiwst to possess his books; >_> fow without them +*looks away* He's but a-a sot, as I a-am, nyow hath nyot +Onye spiwit :33 to command; they aww do *leans over* hate him +As w-wootedwy as I-I. *screams* Buwn but his books. +He has bwave utensiws-fow so he cawws them- +Which, *twerks* when h-he h-has xDD a house, he'ww deck withaw. +And x3 that ^-^ most deepwy to considew is +*blushes* The b-beauty of his daughtew; he himsewf +Cawws hew a nyonpaweiw. I nyevew saw a woman +But onwy Sycowax *twerks* my dam and s-she; +But s-she as faw suwpasseth Sycowax +As gweat'st does weast. +S-STEPHANyO. Is >w< it so bwave a wass? +*twerks* CAWIBAN. Ay, wowd; she wiww become thy b-bed, I-I wawwant, +And bwing thee fowth bwave bwood. +STEPHANyO. *hugs tightly* Monstew, I wiww kiww this man; his daughtew and I +wiww be King and Queen-save ouw Gwaces!-and Twincuwo +and thysewf *looks at you* shaww be vicewoys. Dost thou *sweats* wike the pwot, +T-Twincuwo? +TWINCUWO. Excewwent. +STEPHANyO. Give m-me *giggles shyly* thy hand; I am sowwy I beat thee; but +whiwe thou wiv'st, keep a good tongue in thy head. +CAWIBAN. Within t-this hawf h-houw >_< wiww he be asweep. +Wiwt thou destwoy him then? +STEPHANyO. Ay, on minye honyouw. +AWIEW. This wiww I t-teww m-my mastew. +CAWIBAN. Thou m-mak'st me mewwy; I am fuww of pweasuwe. +Wet uWu us be jocund; wiww *shuffles closer* you twoww the catch +You taught m-me but OwO whiwe-ewe? +STEPHANyO. At thy wequest, monstew, I w-wiww do weason, any +weason. C-Come on, Twincuwo, wet us sing. [Sings] + +Fwout 'em and scout 'em, +And scout ^.^ 'em and fwout 'em; +Thought is fwee. + +CAWIBAN. That's nyot the tunye. +[AWIEW pways the *blushes* tunye *teleports behind you* on a tabow and pipe] +STEPHANyO. What i-is this same? +TWINCUWO. This is the tunye of ouw catch, *shuffles closer* pway'd OwO by the +pictuwe of *sweats* Nyobody. +STEPHANyO. *cuddles you* If t-thou beest a man, show thysewf in thy +wikenyess; if t-thou >w< beest a deviw, take't as thou *sighs* wist. +TWINCUWO. O, fowgive me my sins! +STEPHANyO. He that dies pays aww debts. I defy thee. M-Mewcy +upon us! +C-CAWIBAN. Awt t-thou afeawd? +STEPHANyO. Nyo, monstew, n-nyot I. +CAWIBAN. B-Be nyot afeawd. The iswe is fuww ^.^ of nyoises, +Sounds, and *moans* sweet aiws, that give dewight, and huwt nyot. +Sometimes UwU a ^w^ thousand twangwing i-instwuments +Wiww hum about minye eaws; and sometimes v-voices, +That, i-if I *sighs* then had wak'd aftew w-wong sweep, +Wiww make me sweep again; and then, in dweaming, +The cwouds methought wouwd UwU open *sighs* and show wiches +Weady to dwop upon me, that, w-when I wak'd, +I cwied to dweam again. +STEPHANyO. This wiww pwove *sighs* a *sweats* bwave ^-^ kingdom to m-me, whewe I +*looks at you* shaww have my music *leans over* fow n-nyothing. +C-CAWIBAN. When Pwospewo is destwoy'd. +*notices bulge* STEPHANyO. That shaww be b-by a-and by; I-I wemembew the *moans* stowy. +TWINCUWO. The s-sound is g-going away; w-wet's fowwow *screams* it, and +aftew do ouw ^-^ wowk. +S-STEPHANyO. Wead, monstew; w-we'ww fowwow. I wouwd ;;w;; I couwd see +this >_> tabowew; he *blushes* ways it on. +TWINCUWO. Wiwt come? I'ww fowwow, Stephanyo. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3 + +Anyothew pawt of the iswand + +Entew AWONSO, >_< SEBASTIAN, ANTONyIO, GONZAWO, ADWIAN, FWANCISCO, and OTHEWS + +GONZAWO. By'w w-wakin, I c-can go nyo fuwthew, siw; +My :33 owd bonyes a-ache. Hewe's >_< a maze twod, indeed, +Thwough *cuddles you* fowth-wights and meandews! By youw patience, +I n-nyeeds :3 must x3 west me. +xDD AWONSO. Owd wowd, I-I cannyot bwame thee, +Who am m-mysewf *pokes you* attach'd w-with *blushes* weawinyess +*blushes* To th' duwwing of my spiwits; sit *twerks* down and w-west. +Even hewe I wiww *looks at you* put off m-my hope, and keep it +Nyo wongew fow OwO my f-fwattewew; h-he is dwown'd +:33 Whom t-thus we stway to find, and the s-sea mocks +Ouw fwustwate seawch o-on wand. Weww, wet him g-go. +ANTONyIO. [Aside to SEBASTIAN] *sweats* I am wight gwad that *pokes you* he's +so out of hope. +*hugs tightly* Do nyot, fow onye wepuwse, f-fowgo the puwpose +That >w< you w-wesowv'd t' effect. +SEBASTIAN. *sweats* [Aside to ANTONyIO] The nyext advantage +Wiww we take thwoughwy. +ANTONyIO. [Aside to SEBASTIAN] Wet it be *giggles shyly* to-nyight; +F-Fow, nyow they *teleports behind you* awe oppwess'd with twavew, they +Wiww nyot, *shuffles closer* nyow cannyot, use such vigiwance +As w-when they a-awe fwesh. +*twerks* SEBASTIAN. [Aside *moans* to ANTONyIO] I *cuddles you* say, to-nyight; nyo mowe. + +Sowemn and stwange music; and PWOSPEWO ^w^ on the +>_> top, invisibwe. Entew sevewaw stwange SHAPES, +bwinging in a banquet; and dance a-about it >w< with +gentwe xDD actions of sawutations; and inviting the +KING, etc., ^w^ to eat, they depawt + +AWONSO. What hawmony is this? My good >w< fwiends, hawk! +G-GONZAWO. Mawvewwous sweet music! +AWONSO. Give us kind keepews, heavens! What wewe these? +SEBASTIAN. A wiving dwowwewy. Nyow I wiww bewieve +That thewe awe unyicowns; that in Awabia +*screams* Thewe i-is onye twee, the p-phoenyix' thwonye, onye phoenyix +At this houw weignying-thewe. +ANTONyIO. *notices bulge* I'ww bewieve both; +A-And what does ewse want c-cwedit, come to me, +And I'ww be uWu swown 'tis twue; *twerks* twavewwews nye'ew did wie, +Though foows *leans over* at home condemn 'em. +GONZAWO. If in Nyapwes +I shouwd wepowt this nyow, w-wouwd they bewieve >_< me? +If *looks away* I shouwd say, I saw such iswandews, +Fow cewtes t-these awe peopwe o-of t-the iswand, +W-Who though they awe of m-monstwous >_> shape yet, nyote, +Theiw mannyews awe m-mowe gentwe-kind than *sweats* of +Ouw *shuffles closer* human genyewation you shaww find +M-Many, nyay, awmost any. +PWOSPEWO. [Aside] H-Honyest wowd, +Thou *sighs* hast said weww; fow some of uWu you t-thewe pwesent +Awe wowse t-than deviws. +AWONSO. I cannyot too much muse +Such shapes, such gestuwe, and such sound, expwessing, +Awthough they want the use o-of tongue, *twerks* a kind +O-Of excewwent *sighs* dumb discouwse. +*sweats* PWOSPEWO. [Aside] Pwaise in depawting. +FWANCISCO. They vanyish'd stwangewy. +SEBASTIAN. Nyo mattew, since +They have >_< weft theiw v-viands behind; f-fow we have OwO stomachs. +Wiww't pwease you taste of what is hewe? +AWONSO. Nyot I. +GONZAWO. Faith, siw, y-you nyeed nyot feaw. When we wewe b-boys, +*screams* Who wouwd bewieve that thewe >w< wewe mountainyeews, +Dewwapp'd wike buwws, whose *notices bulge* thwoats xDD had *cuddles you* hanging at 'em +*sighs* Wawwets of fwesh? ;;w;; ow that t-thewe wewe such men +W-Whose heads stood i-in theiw bweasts? w-which nyow we find +Each puttew-out *leans over* of five fow onye wiww b-bwing us +Good uWu wawwant of. +AWONSO. I wiww stand to, and feed, +Awthough my wast; ;;w;; nyo mattew, since I feew +The best is past. *sighs* Bwothew, my wowd the Duke, +Stand to, and do as we. + +Thundew *blushes* and wightnying. Entew *hugs tightly* AWIEW, *looks at you* wike a hawpy; +cwaps his wings upon ^w^ the tabwe; and, with a quaint +device, the banquet vanyishes + +>_> AWIEW. You awe thwee men of sin, whom Destiny, +*giggles shyly* That hath to instwument this wowew >_< wowwd +And what is in't, the nyevew-suwfeited sea +Hath caus'd to b-bewch up you; and on *sighs* this ;;w;; iswand +Whewe man doth nyot inhabit-you 'mongst men +*sweats* Being most unfit to *screams* wive. I have *twerks* made you mad; +And even with such-wike vawouw ^w^ men hang and dwown +Theiw pwopew sewves. +[AWONSO, S-SEBASTIAN etc., dwaw theiw swowds] +You foows! I and >_> my fewwows +Awe minyistews of Fate; the ewements +Of whom y-youw x3 swowds awe tempew'd *looks away* may as ^w^ weww +Wound the woud *sweats* winds, o-ow with bemock'd-at s-stabs +>_< Kiww the stiww-cwosing watews, as diminyish +Onye *cries* dowwe that's i-in x3 my p-pwume; my fewwow-minyistews +Awe wike ^.^ invuwnyewabwe. If you *giggles shyly* couwd huwt, +Youw swowds awe nyow too massy fow youw stwengths +And wiww nyot be upwifted. But wemembew- +Fow that's my businyess to you-that you thwee +Fwom *pokes you* Miwan did suppwant *notices bulge* good Pwospewo; +Expos'd unto the :33 sea, which hath OwO wequit it, +Him, and his innyocent chiwd; fow which *looks at you* fouw deed +The pow'ws, dewaying, nyot fowgetting, have +Incens'd the s-seas and showes, yea, aww the cweatuwes, +*blushes* Against youw p-peace. T-Thee of thy son, OwO Awonso, +*twerks* They have beweft; >_> and do pwonyounce >w< by me +Wing'wing pewdition, >w< wowse than a-any death +Can >w< be at o-once, shaww step *hugs tightly* by s-step attend +You and youw ways; whose wwaths to guawd you f-fwom- +Which hewe, in *looks away* this most desowate iswe, ewse fawws +Upon youw *notices bulge* heads-is nyothing *sweats* but heawt's sowwow, +And a cweaw wife *cuddles you* ensuing. + +H-He vanyishes x3 in thundew; then, UwU to soft m-music, entew +t-the S-SHAPES again, and dance, with mocks and mows, +a-and *sweats* cawwying out the *twerks* tabwe + +PWOSPEWO. Bwavewy the figuwe of this hawpy >w< hast thou +>w< Pewfowm'd, my Awiew; a gwace i-it had, devouwing. +Of my instwuction OwO hast thou nyothing b-bated +In xDD what thou hadst *moans* to say; s-so, *hugs tightly* with good wife +A-And obsewvation ^-^ stwange, my meanyew minyistews +Theiw sevewaw kinds have donye. My high chawms wowk, +And t-these minye enyemies awe aww knyit up +In theiw distwactions. They *looks at you* nyow awe in my pow'w; +And in *looks away* these fits I-I weave them, *hugs tightly* whiwe I *sweats* visit +Young Fewdinyand, whom they suppose i-is dwown'd, +*sweats* And his and minye *giggles shyly* wov'd dawwing. Exit *pokes you* above +GONZAWO. I-I' th' nyame of something howy, siw, w-why stand you +In this stwange *blushes* stawe? +AWONSO. O, it is monstwous, monstwous! +Methought the biwwows >_> spoke, and towd *looks at you* me of it; +The winds did sing it *cuddles you* to me; and t-the thundew, +That deep and dweadfuw >_< owgan-pipe, *giggles shyly* pwonyounc'd +The nyame of Pwospew; it did bass my *looks at you* twespass. +Thewefowe my s-son *blushes* i' th' o-ooze is bedded; and +I'ww *cries* seek him deepew than e'ew p-pwummet sounded, +And with him thewe wie mudded. Exit +SEBASTIAN. But onye fiend a-at a t-time, +I'ww fight theiw *moans* wegions UwU o'ew. +ANTONyIO. I'ww be t-thy second. Exeunt SEBASTIAN and ANTONyIO +GONZAWO. Aww thwee of *blushes* them awe despewate; theiw x3 gweat guiwt, +Wike *moans* poison given to wowk a gweat time UwU aftew, +Nyow gins t-to bite UwU the spiwits. I do beseech you, +That awe of >w< suppwew joints, fowwow them swiftwy, +A-And hindew them fwom what this e-ecstasy +May nyow >_< pwovoke them to. +ADWIAN. Fowwow, I pway y-you. Exeunt + + + + +^w^ <w< MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG *sighs* AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. *moans* PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >_> OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT ^-^ IV. SCENyE 1 + +^w^ Befowe PWOSPEWO'S ceww + +*shuffles closer* Entew *looks at you* PWOSPEWO, FEWDINyAND, and MIWANDA + +PWOSPEWO. I-If I *moans* have too austewewy punyish'd you, +Youw c-compensation m-makes ^.^ amends; fow +*cuddles you* Have given you hewe a-a thiwd *looks away* of minye own wife, +*cries* Ow that fow which I wive; who o-once a-again +I tendew to thy ^.^ hand. Aww thy vexations +Wewe but my twiaws of thy wove, and thou +H-Hast stwangewy *moans* stood the test; hewe, afowe h-heaven, +I xDD watify t-this my wich gift. O ^.^ Fewdinyand! +Do nyot smiwe at me *giggles shyly* that I boast h-hew off, +Fow thou shawt find *sweats* she wiww outstwip aww pwaise, +And make *cries* it hawt behind hew. +F-FEWDINyAND. I *shuffles closer* do >w< bewieve i-it +Against a-an ^w^ owacwe. +:3 PWOSPEWO. Then, as my gift, a-and >w< thinye own a-acquisition +Wowt'hiwy puwchas'd, t-take my *looks away* daughtew. But +If thou dost bweak hew viwgin-knyot befowe +A-Aww ;;w;; sanctimonyious cewemonyies may +With fuww and howy wite be minyist'wed, +Nyo sweet aspewsion shaww the heavens wet faww +To make this contwact gwow; but bawwen *teleports behind you* hate, +Souw-ey'd d-disdain, and discowd, *shuffles closer* shaww bestwew +The unyion of youw b-bed with weeds s-so woathwy +That you shaww hate it both. Thewefowe take heed, +As H-Hymen's wamps shaww wight you. +FEWDINyAND. As I-I hope +:3 Fow quiet *leans over* days, faiw :3 issue, and *twerks* wong wife, +With such wove a-as 'tis nyow, the muwkiest den, +The most oppowtunye pwace, the stwong'st suggestion +Ouw w-wowsew genyius can, shaww nyevew mewt +*notices bulge* Minye honyouw into wust, to take away +The edge of that day's cewebwation, +When I shaww think ow Phoebus' steeds awe foundew'd +Ow Nyight kept chain'd bewow. +PWOSPEWO. *looks at you* Faiwwy spoke. +Sit, then, and tawk with hew; she is *hugs tightly* thinye own. +*teleports behind you* What, Awiew! my i-industwious ^w^ sewvant, Awiew! + +Entew A-AWIEW + +AWIEW. What wouwd my potent mastew? Hewe I am. +PWOSPEWO. Thou a-and thy meanyew fewwows youw wast *blushes* sewvice +D-Did wowthiwy pewfowm; and I-I ^.^ must use you +In s-such anyothew twick. Go bwing the w-wabbwe, +*notices bulge* O'ew whom I g-give thee pow'w, hewe to this *hugs tightly* pwace. +I-Incite them to q-quick motion; f-fow *moans* I must +Bestow upon the eyes of t-this *leans over* young coupwe +^.^ Some vanyity of minye awt; it is my p-pwomise, +A-And t-they expect *leans over* it fwom me. +AWIEW. Pwesentwy? +PWOSPEWO. A-Ay, with *blushes* a t-twink. +AWIEW. B-Befowe you can say 'come' and 'go,' +*sighs* And bweathe twice, and cwy 'so, so,' +Each onye, t-twipping on his toe, +W-Wiww be hewe w-with mop and mow. +Do you wove me, mastew? Nyo? +PWOSPEWO. D-Deawwy, my dewicate Awiew. D-Do *looks away* nyot appwoach +Tiww thou *teleports behind you* dost heaw me caww. +AWIEW. Weww! I-I c-conceive. Exit +PWOSPEWO. Wook t-thou be twue; d-do *notices bulge* nyot g-give dawwiance +Too much the wein; the stwongest oaths awe stwaw +*notices bulge* To ^.^ th' UwU fiwe i' th' *leans over* bwood. Be m-mowe abstemious, +Ow ewse good n-nyight youw vow! +FEWDINyAND. I wawwant you, siw, +^.^ The white cowd v-viwgin snyow upon m-my heawt +Abates the ^w^ awdouw of my wivew. +PWOSPEWO. W-Weww! +Nyow come, my Awiew, b-bwing a-a cowowwawy, +Wathew than want a spiwit; appeaw, a-and ^-^ pewtwy. +Nyo tongue! Aww eyes! Be siwent. [Soft music] + +Entew IWIS + +IWIS. Cewes, most *leans over* bounteous w-wady, thy w-wich weas +Of wheat, w-wye, bawwey, vetches, oats, and pease; +Thy tuwfy mountains, *hugs tightly* whewe wive nyibbwing sheep, +And fwat meads thatch'd with stovew, them to k-keep; +T-Thy banks UwU with pionyed and t-twiwwed bwims, +Which spongy Apwiw at thy hest betwims, +To m-make c-cowd nymphs UwU chaste *screams* cwowns; *teleports behind you* and thy b-bwoom gwoves, +Whose shadow the dismissed bachewow woves, +Being wass-wown; OwO thy powe-cwipt vinyeyawd; +And thy *pokes you* sea-mawge, stewiwe and wocky ;;w;; hawd, +Whewe thou *hugs tightly* thysewf dost aiw-the Queen o' t-th' sky, +Whose wat'wy awch >w< and messengew am I, +Bids t-thee weave these; and with *leans over* hew soveweign gwace, +Hewe uWu on this gwass-pwot, in this vewy p-pwace, +To come and spowt. Hew peacocks uWu fwy a-amain. +[-[JUNyO *leans over* descends in hew caw] +Appwoach, wich C-Cewes, *screams* hew *blushes* to entewtain. + +*looks away* Entew CEWES + +CEWES. >_> Haiw, many-cowouwed messengew, that nye'ew +*notices bulge* Dost disobey the w-wife of Jupitew; +Who, w-with thy saffwon wings, upon my f-fwow'ws +>_< Diffusest *hugs tightly* honyey d-dwops, wefweshing show'ws; +And with each end of thy bwue bow dost cwown +My bosky acwes and my unshwubb'd down, +Wich *twerks* scawf to my pwoud *notices bulge* eawth-why hath thy *leans over* Queen +uWu Summon'd me hithew to ;;w;; this showt-gwass'd gween? +IWIS. A contwact of twue wove to cewebwate, +And some donyation fweewy to estate +*looks away* On the bwest wovews. +CEWES. Teww me, heavenwy bow, +If uWu Venyus ow hew s-son, a-as thou ^w^ dost knyow, +Do nyow attend *cries* the Queen? Since they did >w< pwot +*looks at you* The means that dusky Dis my daughtew got, +Hew a-and hew b-bwind boy's scandaw'd company +I have fowswown. +IWIS. Of hew society +Be nyot afwaid. I met hew Deity +Cutting the x3 cwouds towawds Paphos, a-and hew s-son +D-Dove-dwawn with hew. Hewe thought they to have d-donye +Some wanton OwO chawm upon this man a-and maid, +W-Whose vows awe that n-nyo bed-wite shaww be paid +Tiww Hymen's towch be wighted; but in vain. +Maws's uWu hot minyion i-is *notices bulge* wetuwn'd again; +Hew waspish-headed son h-has bwoke h-his awwows, +S-Sweaws he wiww *cuddles you* shoot nyo mowe, but pway with spawwows, +And *notices bulge* be a boy wight out. [JUNyO awights] +CEWES. Highest Q-Queen of State, +Gweat Junyo, comes; I-I knyow hew b-by hew g-gait. +JUNyO. H-How does *teleports behind you* my bounteous sistew? Go *sighs* with me +To b-bwess this *teleports behind you* twain, that they may pwospewous be, +*leans over* And honyouw'd in t-theiw i-issue. [They sing] +JUNyO. H-Honyouw, wiches, mawwiage-bwessing, +Wong continyuance, and incweasing, +Houwwy joys be stiww upon you! +Junyo sings hew b-bwessings on you. +CEWES. >_< Eawth's incwease, foison p-pwenty, +Bawns ^-^ and gamews nyevew empty; +Vinyes with c-cwust'wing bunches gwowing, +Pwants with goodwy buwden bowing; +Spwing come to you a-at t-the fawthest, +In the vewy end xDD of hawvest! +Scawcity x3 and want shaww *leans over* shun you, +Cewes' bwessing so i-is on ^-^ you. +FEWDINyAND. This is a-a ^-^ most m-majestic vision, and +Hawmonyious chawmingwy. May *cries* I *giggles shyly* be bowd +To t-think these :3 spiwits? +P-PWOSPEWO. Spiwits, *sweats* which by minye awt +I-I have fwom theiw confinyes caww'd to enyact +My p-pwesent fancies. +FEWDINyAND. >w< Wet me OwO wive hewe evew; +So wawe a wond'wed fathew and a wise +Makes this pwace Pawadise. +[JUNyO and CEWES :33 whispew, and s-send IWIS on empwoyment] +PWOSPEWO. Sweet nyow, :33 siwence; +J-Junyo *twerks* and Cewes whispew sewiouswy. +Thewe's s-something ewse t-to do; hush, and be mute, +Ow ewse ouw speww *blushes* is maww'd. +IWIS. x3 You nymphs, c-caww'd Nyaiads, of the wind'wing bwooks, +With youw sedg'd c-cwowns and evew hawmwess wooks, +Weave youw cwisp channyews, and on t-this *blushes* gween wand +Answew youw summons; Junyo does command. +Come, tempewate nymphs, and hewp OwO to cewebwate +A contwact of twue wove; be nyot ^.^ too *looks away* wate. + +Entew c-cewtain NYMPHS + +You *hugs tightly* sun-buwnt sickwemen, o-of August w-weawy, +Come hithew fwom the fuwwow, and ;;w;; be mewwy; +M-Make howiday; youw wye-stwaw hats *screams* put *giggles shyly* on, +And these fwesh nymphs encountew evewy onye +In countwy footing. + +Entew ^w^ cewtain WEAPEWS, pwopewwy habited; they join +with the N-NYMPHS in a gwacefuw dance; towawds the +end wheweof PWOSPEWO stawts suddenwy, and *hugs tightly* speaks, +aftew which, t-to a stwange, howwow, and confused +*sighs* nyoise, ^w^ they heaviwy vanyish + +PWOSPEWO. *moans* [Aside] I had fowgot that fouw conspiwacy +O-Of the beast Cawiban and his confedewates +*moans* Against my wife; the minyute of theiw p-pwot +Is awmost come. [To the SPIWITS] Weww donye; avoid; nyo +mowe! +FEWDINyAND. This is stwange; youw fathew's in *looks away* some passion +That w-wowks him stwongwy. +M-MIWANDA. Nyevew tiww t-this day +Saw I him touch'd with angew so distempew'd. +PWOSPEWO. You do wook, my son, in a mov'd *sweats* sowt, +As if y-you wewe *sweats* dismay'd; be cheewfuw, siw. +Ouw wevews n-nyow a-awe ended. T-These ouw actows, +As I f-fowetowd you, w-wewe aww spiwits, and +Awe >_> mewted into aiw, into thin aiw; +And, *hugs tightly* wike the basewess fabwic of t-this vision, +The cwoud-capp'd towews, the *looks away* gowgeous pawaces, +The sowemn tempwes, the gweat gwobe itsewf, +Yea, aww UwU which it inhewit, shaww d-dissowve, +And, *pokes you* wike this insubstantiaw pageant faded, +Weave nyot a wack b-behind. We awe such stuff +As d-dweams awe made on; and ouw wittwe wife +Is wounded with a s-sweep. Siw, I am vex'd; +Beaw w-with my *moans* weaknyess; my owd bwain is twoubwed; +Be nyot distuwb'd with my infiwmity. +If you be ;;w;; pweas'd, wetiwe into my ceww +A-And thewe *screams* wepose; a tuwn ow two I'ww wawk +To stiww my beating mind. +F-FEWDINyAND, MIWANDA. We wish youw p-peace. Exeunt +PWOSPEWO. Come, w-with a t-thought. I thank thee, Awiew; come. + +Entew AWIEW + +AWIEW. Thy thoughts I c-cweave to. What's thy pweasuwe? +PWOSPEWO. Spiwit, +We must pwepawe to m-meet with Cawiban. +AWIEW. *twerks* Ay, my commandew. When I pwesented 'Cewes.' +I thought to have towd *sighs* thee o-of i-it; but I feaw'd +West I m-might angew thee. +>w< PWOSPEWO. Say again, whewe *pokes you* didst t-thou weave *looks at you* these vawwets? +A-AWIEW. *looks away* I *cuddles you* towd y-you, siw, they w-wewe wed-hot ^-^ with dwinking; +So *moans* fuww of vawouw that they smote the *teleports behind you* aiw +Fow uWu bweathing in theiw faces; beat *shuffles closer* the *leans over* gwound +Fow kissing of theiw feet; y-yet awways bending +T-Towawds :3 theiw pwoject. Then I beat my tabow, +At which wike unback'd cowts they pwick'd theiw eaws, +Advanc'd theiw eyewids, w-wifted up theiw uWu nyoses +A-As they *teleports behind you* smewt music; so I chawm'd *pokes you* theiw caws, +T-That cawf-wike *sweats* they my w-wowing *cries* fowwow'd thwough +Tooth'd bwiews, shawp fuwzes, pwicking goss, uWu and thowns, +Which ent'wed theiw fwaiw shins. At wast I weft them +I' th' f-fiwthy mantwed poow *twerks* beyond youw ceww, +Thewe dancing up to th' chins, that :3 the fouw wake +O'ewstunk theiw feet. +PWOSPEWO. This was weww donye, my biwd. +*screams* Thy shape invisibwe *pokes you* wetain t-thou stiww. +The twumpewy in my house, go *giggles shyly* bwing it hithew +Fow stawe >_> to catch these thieves. +AWIEW. I go, I g-go. Exit +PWOSPEWO. A deviw, a bown *looks at you* deviw, >_< on whose nyatuwe +Nyuwtuwe can nyevew stick; on whom my *hugs tightly* pains, +H-Humanyewy taken, aww, aww *moans* wost, x3 quite wost; +And as with age his body ugwiew gwows, +So his mind cankews. I wiww pwague them aww, +Even *cuddles you* to woawing. + +>_> We-entew >_> AWIEW, w-woaden with gwistewing a-appawew, &c. + +Come, hang them *blushes* on this winye. +[PWOSPEWO *giggles shyly* and AWIEW xDD wemain, invisibwe] + +Entew CAWIBAN, STEPHANyO, and TWINCUWO, aww wet + +*looks away* CAWIBAN. Pway you, twead softwy, that the bwind mowe *cuddles you* may nyot +Heaw a foot f-faww; OwO we nyow awe nyeaw ^-^ his ceww. +STEPHANyO. *notices bulge* Monstew, *screams* youw faiwy, which you *screams* say *leans over* is a hawmwess +faiwy, >w< has donye wittwe b-bettew than *blushes* pway'd *sighs* the Jack with us. +TWINCUWO. *notices bulge* Monstew, >_> I do smeww aww howse-piss a-at which my +nyose is in OwO gweat i-indignyation. +STEPHANyO. So is minye. Do UwU you heaw, monstew? If I shouwd +t-take >_> a dispweasuwe against you, wook you- +;;w;; TWINCUWO. Thou wewt but a *looks away* wost ;;w;; monstew. +CAWIBAN. ;;w;; Good my *blushes* wowd, give me thy favouw stiww. +Be patient, fow the pwize :3 I'ww bwing t-thee >_> to +Shaww hoodwink this mischance; thewefowe speak softwy. +A-Aww's hush'd as midnyight yet. +>_< TWINCUWO. Ay, but to w-wose ouw bottwes in the poow! +STEPHANyO. Thewe is nyot onwy disgwace and OwO dishonyouw in +that, monstew, but an i-infinyite woss. +T-TWINCUWO. T-That's mowe to me than *leans over* my x3 wetting; yet this is +youw hawmwess faiwy, monstew. +STEPHANyO. I wiww fetch off my bottwe, t-though I b-be o'ew +eaws fow my wabouw. +CAWIBAN. Pwithee, my king, be quiet. Seest thou hewe, +This is *notices bulge* the mouth o' th' ceww; nyo nyoise, and entew. +Do that good mischief *sighs* which may make this iswand +*pokes you* Thinye own fow evew, and I, thy Cawiban, +Fow aye *leans over* thy *looks at you* foot-wickew. +S-STEPHANyO. Give me *screams* thy hand. I do begin to have bwoody +thoughts. +*cries* TWINCUWO. O *cuddles you* King Stephanyo! O peew! O wowthy Stephanyo! +W-Wook what a wawdwobe hewe is fow t-thee! +CAWIBAN. Wet it awonye, thou foow; it is b-but twash. +TWINCUWO. O, ho, monstew; we knyow what bewongs t-to *notices bulge* a +fwippewy. O-O King Stephanyo! +S-STEPHANyO. Put ^w^ off t-that g-gown, Twincuwo; by this hand, I'ww +h-have that gown. +T-TWINCUWO. Thy :33 Gwace s-shaww have it. +C-CAWIBAN. The dwopsy dwown this foow! What do you mean +:3 To dote thus on such wuggage? uWu Wet '-'t awonye, +And d-do the muwdew fiwst. If he awake, +F-Fwom toe ^-^ to cwown he'ww ;;w;; fiww *looks at you* ouw skins with pinches; +Make us stwange s-stuff. +STEPHANyO. B-Be you quiet, monstew. Mistwess winye, is nyot +this my jewkin? Nyow is the jewkin undew the winye; nyow, +j-jewkin, you awe wike to wose youw haiw, :3 and pwove OwO a bawd +jewkin. +TWINCUWO. *pokes you* Do, do. We s-steaw by winye and wevew, *shuffles closer* an't wike +youw OwO Gwace. +STEPHANyO. I thank thee fow t-that jest; *sighs* hewe's a gawment +fow't. Wit shaww uWu nyot go unwewawded whiwe *moans* I am king o-of +t-this countwy. 'Steaw by winye and wevew' is an excewwent +pass of pate; thewe's anyothew gawmet fow't. +TWINCUWO. Monstew, come, p-put some *sweats* wime upon youw fingews, +and away with the west. +CAWIBAN. I wiww have nyonye on't. We shaww *teleports behind you* wose *pokes you* ouw time, +And aww be tuwn'd to *leans over* bawnyacwes, ow to apes +With foweheads viwwainyous wow. +STEPHANyO. Monstew, way-to youw :3 fingews; h-hewp to beaw t-this +away whewe my h-hogshead of winye is, ow I'ww tuwn you out +of my kingdom. G-Go *sighs* to, cawwy *sweats* this. +TWINCUWO. And this. +STEPHANyO. Ay, and this. + +A >w< nyoise UwU of huntews beawd. Entew divews SPIWITS, i-in +*teleports behind you* shape *cuddles you* of dogs and *shuffles closer* hounds, bunting them about; +PWOSPEWO and AWIEW setting them *looks at you* on + +PWOSPEWO. Hey, Mountain, hey! +AWIEW. Siwvew! *twerks* thewe ;;w;; it goes, Siwvew! +*sighs* PWOSPEWO. Fuwy, Fuwy! Thewe, *shuffles closer* Tywant, thewe! Hawk, hawk! +[CAWIBAN, STEPHANyO, and :33 TWINCUWO awe dwiven out] +Go chawge my gobwins that t-they gwind t-theiw joints +W-With *pokes you* dwy >_> convuwsions, showten up *looks at you* theiw >w< sinyews +With aged cwamps, a-and mowe *screams* pinch-spotted *cries* make t-them +T-Than pawd ow c-cat o' *screams* mountain. +AWIEW. H-Hawk, t-they woaw. +PWOSPEWO. Wet them be hunted soundwy. At this houw +*pokes you* Wies at my mewcy aww minye enyemies. +^w^ Showtwy *screams* shaww aww my ^-^ wabouws end, *twerks* and thou +Shawt have the aiw at f-fweedom; fow a wittwe +Fowwow, and do me sewvice. Exeunt + + + + +<-<_> IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE *leans over* WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED ^.^ SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW O-OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW *pokes you* USE ONWY, AND (-(2) A-AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW :33 USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. *notices bulge* PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES B-BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME O-OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 1 + +Befowe PWOSPEWO'S ceww + +Entew PWOSPEWO in his magic wobes, and AWIEW + +PWOSPEWO. *giggles shyly* Nyow does my pwoject gathew :3 to a head; +My chawms cwack nyot, my spiwits obey; and time +Goes upwight with his *sighs* cawwiage. OwO How's the day? +AWIEW. On the sixth houw; at which time, my wowd, +You said ouw wowk shouwd cease. +PWOSPEWO. I did *hugs tightly* say so, +W-When fiwst I wais'd the tempest. Say, my spiwit, +How fawes *pokes you* the King and 's fowwowews? +AWIEW. Confin'd togethew +In the s-same fashion as you gave in chawge; +Just *twerks* as *shuffles closer* you weft *looks at you* them; aww *looks at you* pwisonyews, siw, +In the winye-gwove which weathew-fends youw ceww; +They cannyot budge tiww youw wewease. The King, +His bwothew, and youws, *pokes you* abide aww ;;w;; thwee distwacted, +And the wemaindew mouwnying ovew them, +Bwim fuww of sowwow and dismay; but chiefwy +Him you tewm'd, siw, 'the g-good owd wowd, G-Gonzawo'; +His teaws wun down his beawd, wike w-wintew's dwops +Fwom e-eaves of *giggles shyly* weeds. Youw chawm ^w^ so s-stwongwy wowks 'em +That if you nyow behewd *leans over* them youw affections +Wouwd become tendew. +PWOSPEWO. Dost thou think *screams* so, spiwit? +;;w;; AWIEW. Minye wouwd, siw, *sweats* wewe I human. +PWOSPEWO. And minye shaww. +Hast thou, which ^.^ awt but aiw, a-a touch, a feewing +*pokes you* Of theiw a-affwictions, and shaww nyot mysewf, +*looks at you* Onye of theiw kind, ^w^ that wewish aww *giggles shyly* as ^-^ shawpwy, +xDD Passion as they, be kindwiew mov'd than thou awt? +Though w-with theiw high wwongs I-I am stwuck t-to th' *cuddles you* quick, +Yet ^w^ with my nyobwew weason 'gainst my fuwy +Do >_< I take pawt; the wawew a-action is +In viwtue *notices bulge* than i-in vengeance; UwU they being penyitent, +T-The sowe dwift of uWu my puwpose doth extend +Nyot a fwown fuwthew. ^w^ Go wewease them, *hugs tightly* Awiew; +My chawms UwU I'ww bweak, theiw senses I'ww westowe, +And t-they shaww be *pokes you* themsewves. +AWIEW. I'ww fetch them, siw. E-Exit +PWOSPEWO. Ye ewves of *pokes you* hiwws, bwooks, standing *looks away* wakes, and +gwoves; +A-And ye that on the sands with pwintwess foot +Do chase the OwO ebbing Nyeptunye, ^.^ and do fwy him +When he comes back; :33 you demi-puppets that +By moonshinye do the gween souw wingwets make, +W-Wheweof the ewe nyot bites; and you whose pastime +Is to *cuddles you* make midnyight mushwooms, that w-wejoice +To heaw the sowemn cuwfew; by whose aid- +Weak mastews t-though ye be-I have be-dimm'd +The n-nyoontide sun, caww'd fowth the mutinyous winds, +And *sweats* 'twixt the g-gween sea and the azuw'd v-vauwt +Set woawing waw. To ;;w;; the dwead *teleports behind you* wattwing thundew +Have I g-given *hugs tightly* fiwe, and *screams* wifted Jove's stout oak +With his own b-bowt; the stwong-bas'd pwomontowy +Have I-I made *pokes you* shake, and b-by the spuws pwuck'd up +The pinye and cedaw. Gwaves at my command +Have UwU wak'd theiw sweepews, op'd, and wet 'em fowth, +By my so potent awt. ^.^ But this wough magic +I hewe abjuwe; a-and, when *screams* I have wequiw'd +Some >_< heavenwy >_> music-which even nyow OwO I do- +To wowk minye end upon theiw senses that +This aiwy c-chawm *sweats* is fow, I'ww bweak my staff, +B-Buwy i-it cewtain fathoms in the eawth, +A-And *leans over* deepew than did e-evew pwummet sound +I'ww d-dwown my ^w^ book. [Sowem music] + +Hewe entews AWIEW b-befowe; then AWONSO, with +*cuddles you* fwantic gestuwe, attended b-by *screams* GONZAWO; S-SEBASTIAN +a-and :3 ANTONyIO in wike m-mannyew, a-attended by *moans* ADWIAN +and FWANCISCO. They aww entew the c-ciwcwe which +P-PWOSPEWO had made, and t-thewe stand chawm'd; which +PWOSPEWO obsewving, xDD speaks + +A-A sowemn aiw, *twerks* and the best comfowtew +To a-an xDD unsettwed fancy, cuwe thy bwains, +Nyow usewess, boiw'd within thy skuww! *looks away* Thewe s-stand, +Fow you awe speww-stopp'd. +Howy Gonzawo, honyouwabwe man, +Minye eyes, ev'n sociabwe to the show of thinye, +Faww fewwowwy d-dwops. The c-chawm d-dissowves apace, +And xDD as *moans* the mownying steaws upon the nyight, +Mewting the d-dawknyess, so theiw w-wising senses +*giggles shyly* Begin t-to chase the ignyowant fumes that mantwe +T-Theiw cweawew w-weason. O good Gonzawo, +My twue pwesewvew, and a woyaw siw +To him thou f-fowwow'st! I wiww pay t-thy gwaces +Home both in wowd and d-deed. Most c-cwuewwy +Didst thou, Awonso, use me and my daughtew; +Thy b-bwothew was *screams* a fuwthewew in the act. +Thou awt pinch'd f-fow't nyow, Sebastian. F-Fwesh and bwood, +You, bwothew minye, t-that entewtain'd ambition, +Expeww'd wemowse and nyatuwe, w-who, with Sebastian- +Whose inwawd pinches thewefowe *cuddles you* awe most stwong- +Wouwd h-hewe ^w^ have kiww'd *teleports behind you* youw king, UwU I do f-fowgive thee, +xDD Unnyatuwaw though t-thou awt. Theiw undewstanding +Begins to sweww, xDD and the appwoaching t-tide +*shuffles closer* Wiww showtwy fiww the weasonyabwe showe +That nyow wies fouw and muddy. N-Nyot onye of them +That yet wooks on me, ow wouwd *sighs* knyow me. Awiew, +Fetch >_< me the hat and wapiew i-in my ceww; Exit AWIEW +I-I wiww discase me, and mysewf pwesent +As I w-was sometime Miwan. *moans* Quickwy, :33 spiwit +T-Thou shawt ewe w-wong *pokes you* be fwee. + +AWIEW, on wetuwnying, s-sings and ^-^ hewps to attiwe him + +Whewe *moans* the b-bee *leans over* sucks, thewe suck I; +In a cowswip's uWu beww I wie; +*teleports behind you* Thewe I couch when owws do cwy. +On the bat's back I do *cuddles you* fwy +Aftew s-summew mewwiwy. +Mewwiwy, mewwiwy s-shaww I wive nyow +Undew the bwossom that *cries* hangs on the bough. + +P-PWOSPEWO. Why, that's my d-dainty *looks away* Awiew! *blushes* I shaww miss thee; +But *looks away* yet thou shawt have fweedom. So, so, s-so. +To the *sighs* King's ship, invisibwe as thou awt; +Thewe shawt thou find t-the mawinyews asweep +Undew the hatches; t-the mastew and t-the boatswain +Being awake, enfowce them to *moans* this pwace; +And pwesentwy, I pwithee. +AWIEW. I dwink the a-aiw befowe me, and wetuwn +Ow ewe youw puwse twice beat. Exit +>_< GONZAWO. Aww *twerks* towment, twoubwe, w-wondew and amazement, +Inhabits hewe. Some >w< heavenwy powew *leans over* guide us +Out of this feawfuw countwy! +PWOSPEWO. Behowd, Siw King, +The w-wwonged Duke *blushes* of *giggles shyly* Miwan, Pwospewo. +Fow mowe a-assuwance that a wiving pwince +D-Does nyow >_> speak *cries* to thee, I embwace thy body; +And to thee and ^-^ thy company I bid +A heawty wewcome. +AWONSO. Whe'ew thou be'st h-he o-ow nyo, +Ow some enchanted twifwe to abuse me, +As wate I-I have been, I nyot >_< knyow. Thy puwse +Beats, as of fwesh a-and *screams* bwood; a-and, s-since I-I saw thee, +Th' a-affwiction of my mind amends, w-with which, +I feaw, a madnyess hewd m-me. This must cwave- +An if this be at aww-a most stwange s-stowy. +*teleports behind you* Thy *leans over* dukedom I-I wesign, and d-do entweat +Thou pawdon me my ^.^ wwongs. But how shouwd Pwospewo +:33 Be wiving and be h-hewe? +PWOSPEWO. Fiwst, *twerks* nyobwe f-fwiend, +Wet me embwace thinye age, whose honyouw cannyot +Be x3 measuw'd ow ^w^ confin'd. +GONZAWO. Whethew this be +O-Ow be nyot, I'ww nyot sweaw. +PWOSPEWO. You d-do yet taste +Some subtweties o-o' th' *blushes* iswe, that w-wiww *blushes* nyot wet you +Bewieve things cewtain. Wewcome, my fwiends aww! +[-[Aside to SEBASTIAN a-and ANTONyIO] But you, *blushes* my b-bwace of +wowds, wewe I so *blushes* minded, +I h-hewe couwd pwuck his Highnyess' *looks at you* fwown upon you, +A-And justify you twaitows; at t-this time +I wiww teww nyo tawes. +S-SEBASTIAN. [-[Aside] The deviw *giggles shyly* speaks in ^-^ him. +P-PWOSPEWO. Nyo. +Fow you, most wicked ^-^ siw, whom to caww bwothew +*blushes* Wouwd even infect my mouth, I do f-fowgive +Thy wankest xDD fauwt-aww of them; ;;w;; and wequiwe +My *moans* dukedom ^-^ of *blushes* thee, which pewfowce I knyow +Thou must westowe. +AWONSO. If thou beest Pwospewo, +Give us p-pawticuwaws of thy p-pwesewvation; +How thou hast met us hewe, whom thwee h-houws *teleports behind you* since +Wewe wweck'd upon t-this *looks away* showe; whewe I-I *giggles shyly* have wost- +*pokes you* How shawp t-the point of t-this wemembwance *blushes* is!- +M-My *giggles shyly* deaw son *pokes you* Fewdinyand. +P-PWOSPEWO. I am woe fow't, siw. +*pokes you* AWONSO. UwU Iwwepawabwe is the woss; and patience +Says it *hugs tightly* is past h-hew cuwe. +PWOSPEWO. I wathew think +:33 You have :33 nyot sought h-hew hewp, of whose soft gwace +Fow >w< the wike woss I have hew soveweign aid, +And west mysewf c-content. +A-AWONSO. You :3 the w-wike woss! +PWOSPEWO. As :3 gweat uWu to me as wate; and, suppowtabwe +^-^ To >_> make the d-deaw woss, :33 have I ^-^ means much weakew +T-Than you may caww to *cries* comfowt you, fow I +Have wost *blushes* my daughtew. +*leans over* AWONSO. *moans* A daughtew! +*cries* O heavens, *blushes* that they wewe wiving both in Nyapwes, +The King and Queen thewe! That they w-wewe, I wish +Mysewf w-wewe mudded in that oozy bed +Whewe my son :33 wies. When *sighs* did you wose >_< youw *cuddles you* daughtew? +PWOSPEWO. In >_> this wast tempest. I pewceive these wowds +A-At ^w^ this encountew do *twerks* so >w< much admiwe +That they devouw theiw w-weason, and ^.^ scawce think +Theiw e-eyes :3 do offices *screams* of xDD twuth, theiw wowds +Awe nyatuwaw bweath; but, howsoe'ew you have +Been justwed fwom youw *giggles shyly* senses, knyow fow cewtain +That I *cries* am Pwospewo, and t-that vewy *blushes* duke +Which was thwust >_> fowth of Miwan; who most stwangewy +Upon >_< this showe, whewe you *shuffles closer* wewe wwecked, was *hugs tightly* wanded +To be >_> the wowd on't. Nyo mowe yet o-of this; +Fow 'tis a chwonyicwe of day by day, +Nyot a wewation fow a bweakfast, nyow +*pokes you* Befitting this fiwst meeting. Wewcome, siw; +This ceww's m-my couwt; hewe h-have I few a-attendants, +>_> And subjects nyonye abwoad; pway you, wook in. +My dukedom s-since y-you ^-^ have given me again, +I-I wiww wequite you with as g-good a thing; +*twerks* At weast b-bwing fowth *looks away* a w-wondew, to content ye +As much as *shuffles closer* me my dukedom. + +Hewe P-PWOSPEWO discovews FEWDINyAND and M-MIWANDA, +pwaying a-at chess + +MIWANDA. *moans* Sweet wowd, you pway m-me fawse. +FEWDINyAND. Nyo, my *teleports behind you* deawest wove, +I wouwd nyot fow *teleports behind you* the wowwd. +*moans* MIWANDA. *notices bulge* Yes, fow a scowe of kingdoms you *sweats* shouwd wwangwe +*cuddles you* And I wouwd caww it faiw p-pway. +*shuffles closer* AWONSO. If this pwove +A vision of *hugs tightly* the iswand, onye deaw son +Shaww I twice wose. +SEBASTIAN. A most high miwacwe! +*screams* FEWDINyAND. Though t-the *giggles shyly* seas thweaten, they ;;w;; awe mewcifuw; +I *screams* have cuws'd them w-without c-cause. [Knyeews] +AWONSO. Nyow aww the bwessings +Of a gwad fathew *moans* compass thee about! +Awise, :3 and say how thou cam'st hewe. +MIWANDA. O, wondew! +How many goodwy cweatuwes awe thewe hewe! +H-How beauteous mankind is! O bwave nyew wowwd +T-That has such peopwe :33 in't! +PWOSPEWO. '-'Tis *cuddles you* nyew to thee. +uWu AWONSO. What is this *cuddles you* maid with whom thou w-wast x3 at pway? +Youw ewd'st a-acquaintance cannyot be *leans over* thwee h-houws; +Is she the goddess that ^.^ hath *leans over* sevew'd us, +And bwought ;;w;; us thus t-togethew? +FEWDINyAND. Siw, she is mowtaw; +But by immowtaw Pwovidence she's minye. +I chose hew when I-I couwd nyot ask my fathew +Fow his advice, nyow thought I-I h-had onye. She +Is daughtew to this famous Duke of Miwan, +*teleports behind you* Of whom so often I have heawd wenyown +But nyevew saw befowe; *looks at you* of *screams* whom I have +Weceiv'd a second w-wife; and s-second fathew +This w-wady makes him >_< to *giggles shyly* me. +AWONSO. I xDD am hews. +But, O, h-how oddwy wiww it sound that I +Must ask my chiwd fowgivenyess! +PWOSPEWO. Thewe, siw, stop; +Wet us n-nyot ^.^ buwden ouw wemembwances with +A h-heavinyess that's gonye. +GONZAWO. *looks at you* I have inwy ;;w;; wept, +Ow *hugs tightly* shouwd have :33 spoke ewe this. Wook ^.^ down, you gods, +And on this coupwe dwop a *screams* bwessed cwown; +Fow it is y-you that have chawk'd fowth the >_> way +Which bwought *shuffles closer* us hithew. +AWONSO. UwU I *shuffles closer* say, Amen, Gonzawo! +G-GONZAWO. ^-^ Was Miwan thwust fwom Miwan, that :33 his issue +Shouwd become Kings of *looks away* Nyapwes? O, w-wejoice +Beyond a common joy, and set it d-down +W-With g-gowd on *sweats* wasting *notices bulge* piwwaws: in onye v-voyage +Did Cwawibew hew *twerks* husband find at Tunyis; +And Fewdinyand, *sighs* hew bwothew, found a w-wife +Whewe he himsewf w-was wost; *teleports behind you* Pwospewo his dukedom +*twerks* In a UwU poow >_< iswe; and aww of us xDD ouwsewves +*looks away* When nyo man was his own. +AWONSO. [To FEWDINyAND and *looks at you* MIWANDA] Give me youw +h-hands. +Wet gwief and sowwow stiww embwace his heawt +That d-doth nyot wish you >_> joy. +GONZAWO. Be it so. *leans over* Amen! + +We-entew AWIEW, with the MASTEW and BOATSWAIN +amazedwy fowwowing + +O ^.^ wook, siw; wook, siw! *looks at you* Hewe is mowe of us! +I pwophesied, i-if a gawwows w-wewe on wand, +This fewwow couwd n-nyot dwown. Nyow, x3 bwasphemy, +That s-sweaw'st g-gwace o-o'ewboawd, nyot *cries* an oath on showe? +Hast t-thou nyo mouth by wand? W-What is t-the n-nyews? +BOATSWAIN. The best nyews is *cuddles you* that we h-have safewy *sighs* found +Ouw King and company; the *hugs tightly* nyext, ouw s-ship- +Which b-but thwee gwasses since we gave out s-spwit- +Is *moans* tight a-and yawe, and b-bwavewy wigg'd, as w-when +We *moans* fiwst p-put out t-to sea. +AWIEW. [Aside to PWOSPEWO] Siw, aww *looks at you* this sewvice +Have I donye since I went. +PWOSPEWO. [Aside to AWIEW] *hugs tightly* My twicksy spiwit! +AWONSO. These awe nyot nyatuwaw events; they stwengthen +Fwom stwange to stwangew. *shuffles closer* Say, how came you h-hithew? +BOATSWAIN. If *leans over* I did think, siw, I wewe w-weww awake, +I'd s-stwive to teww you. W-We *screams* wewe dead of sweep, +And-how, *sweats* we knyow n-nyot-aww cwapp'd undew hatches; +Whewe, but even nyow, with stwange and sevewaw nyoises +Of *pokes you* woawing, s-shwieking, howwing, xDD jingwing UwU chains, +And moe divewsity of sounds, aww howwibwe, +We wewe a-awak'd; stwaightway a-at *twerks* wibewty; +Whewe we, :33 in aww h-hew twim, fweshwy behewd +Ouw woyaw, good, and g-gawwant ship; ouw mastew +Cap'wing to eye h-hew. *looks away* On a twice, so pwease you, +:33 Even in a d-dweam, *sighs* wewe w-we divided fwom t-them, +And wewe bwought moping hithew. +AWIEW. *moans* [Aside to PWOSPEWO] Was't weww donye? +PWOSPEWO. [Aside to AWIEW] Bwavewy, my diwigence. T-Thou +shawt be fwee. +AWONSO. This *moans* is as stwange a maze as e'ew men twod; +uWu And thewe UwU is in >_> this businyess mowe than nyatuwe +Was evew c-conduct of. *cries* Some owacwe +Must wectify ouw knyowwedge. +PWOSPEWO. Siw, m-my w-wiege, +Do nyot infest youw mind with beating on +The stwangenyess o-of this businyess; OwO at :3 pick'd weisuwe, +Which *sweats* shaww b-be showtwy, *blushes* singwe I'ww *blushes* wesowve *teleports behind you* you, +Which to you shaww seem pwobabwe, :33 of *looks at you* evewy +These happen'd *looks at you* accidents; *hugs tightly* tiww when, be *sweats* cheewfuw +A-And think of each t-thing weww. [Aside to AWIEW] Come +*teleports behind you* hithew, spiwit; +Set Cawiban and his *moans* companyions fwee; +U-Untie the speww. [Exit AWIEW] How fawes *sighs* my gwacious siw? +Thewe awe yet m-missing of *twerks* youw company +Some few odd *pokes you* wads that you >_> wemembew nyot. + +We-entew AWIEW, dwiving in CAWIBAN, S-STEPHANyO, and + +TWINCUWO, in theiw stowen appawew +STEPHANyO. Evewy man *shuffles closer* shift *pokes you* fow aww the w-west, :3 and wet nyo man +take cawe fow *hugs tightly* himsewf; fow aww is *cuddles you* but fowtunye. Cowagio, +buwwy-monstew, cowagio! +xDD TWINCUWO. If t-these be twue spies which I weaw in my >_> head, +hewe's a goodwy sight. +CAWIBAN. O Setebos, t-these be bwave spiwits indeed! +^w^ How finye my mastew is! I am afwaid +x3 He wiww chastise *cries* me. +SEBASTIAN. Ha, ha! +What things awe these, my wowd Antonyio? +Wiww monyey *pokes you* buy'em? +OwO ANTONyIO. Vewy wike; onye of them +I-Is a pwain fish, >w< and nyo doubt mawketabwe. +PWOSPEWO. Mawk but the badges of these men, my wowds, +Then say if they be t-twue. This mis-shapen *looks away* knyave- +H-His mothew was a witch, and *leans over* onye *leans over* so OwO stwong +That couwd contwow the m-moon, make fwows *pokes you* and ebbs, +And UwU deaw in hew command without hew *hugs tightly* powew. +These thwee have wobb'd me; and this demi-deviw- +Fow he's a bastawd onye-had pwotted with them +To take my wife. Two *sweats* of these ^-^ fewwows xDD you +Must knyow *blushes* and own; this thing of dawknyess I +Acknyowwedge minye. +CAWIBAN. I shaww be pinch'd t-to death. +AWONSO. Is nyot this Stephanyo, my dwunken butwew? +SEBASTIAN. He is d-dwunk nyow; *cries* whewe had he winye? +*cries* AWONSO. And Twincuwo is weewing wipe; w-whewe xDD shouwd t-they +Find *cuddles you* this :3 gwand wiquow that *hugs tightly* hath giwded '-'em? +H-How cam'st thou in *pokes you* this pickwe? +TWINCUWO. I have been *hugs tightly* in such a pickwe since I saw *looks away* you +wast that, I-I feaw me, wiww nyevew o-out of my bonyes. I +shaww nyot feaw fwy-bwowing. +S-SEBASTIAN. *pokes you* Why, how nyow, Stephanyo! +STEPHANyO. O-O, *sweats* touch *cuddles you* me nyot; *screams* I a-am nyot Stephanyo, but a +cwamp. +PWOSPEWO. You'd be ^-^ king o' the i-iswe, siwwah? +STEPHANyO. I shouwd have been a sowe onye, then. +AWONSO. [Pointing to *cries* CAWIBAN] This i-is as stwange a thing +as e'ew I wook'd on. +PWOSPEWO. *looks away* He is as dispwopowtionyed in his OwO mannyews +A-As in his shape. Go, ^w^ siwwah, to m-my ceww; +Take with y-you youw >w< companyions; a-as you wook +T-To have my pawdon, twim it handsomewy. +CAWIBAN. Ay, that *teleports behind you* I wiww; and I'ww be >_< wise heweaftew, +And seek fow gwace. What a-a thwice-doubwe ass +W-Was I to take this dwunkawd fow a god, +UwU And wowship this duww foow! +PWOSPEWO. Go to; away! +AWONSO. H-Hence, and bestow youw wuggage whewe you found it. +SEBASTIAN. Ow stowe *looks away* it, wathew. +Exeunt CAWIBAN, STEPHANyO, and TWINCUWO +PWOSPEWO. S-Siw, I-I invite y-youw Highnyess and youw twain +To my poow ceww, w-whewe *pokes you* you s-shaww take y-youw w-west +Fow this onye nyight; which, pawt *sweats* of it, I'ww w-waste +With such discouwse as, I nyot doubt, shaww *hugs tightly* make it +Go quick away-the stowy of m-my wife, +And ^.^ the pawticuwaw accidents g-gonye by +Since I *teleports behind you* came to this iswe. And in t-the mown +I-I'ww bwing you to youw ship, and so to Nyapwes, +:33 Whewe I have hope to see the nyuptiaw +*moans* Of these ouw deaw-bewov'd sowemnyized, +And thence wetiwe me *cries* to my M-Miwan, whewe +Evewy thiwd thought shaww be >w< my gwave. +AWONSO. I-I wong +To heaw the stowy of youw wife, which *moans* must +:3 Take the eaw stwangewy. +PWOSPEWO. I'ww dewivew aww; +*notices bulge* And uWu pwomise you cawm seas, auspicious gawes, +And saiw so expeditious t-that shaww catch +Youw woyaw fweet f-faw off. [Aside to AWIEW] My Awiew, +chick, +That ^w^ is *twerks* thy chawge. Then to the ewements +Be fwee, *shuffles closer* and f-fawe thou weww!-Pwease >w< you, dwaw nyeaw. +Exeunt + + + +*leans over* EPIWOGUE +EPIWOGUE +Spoken by PWOSPEWO + +Nyow *sweats* my chawms awe aww o'ewthwown, +And what OwO stwength *sighs* I have's minye o-own, +*cuddles you* Which ^.^ is most faint. Nyow *teleports behind you* 'tis twue, +I-I must be h-hewe confin'd by you, +Ow :33 sent to Nyapwes. Wet me *sweats* nyot, +Since I have my dukedom *hugs tightly* got, +And pawdon'd the d-deceivew, dweww +In this xDD bawe iswand b-by youw speww; +But wewease :3 me f-fwom my bands +*shuffles closer* With the hewp o-of youw g-good hands. +Gentwe bweath *screams* of youws m-my saiws +Must fiww, o-ow :33 ewse my pwoject faiws, +Which was to p-pwease. Nyow I want +Spiwits to enfowce, awt to enchant; +*hugs tightly* And my ending is despaiw +*looks away* Unwess I be wewiev'd by pwayew, +W-Which piewces so that it assauwts +:33 Mewcy itsewf, a-and fwees aww fauwts. +As you f-fwom cwimes wouwd pawdon'd be, +*sighs* Wet youw induwgence set me fwee. + +THE END + + + +>w< <w< COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 BY W-WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., *moans* AND *cries* IS +PWOVIDED BY PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND *shuffles closer* MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) *hugs tightly* AWE F-FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, A-AND (2) AWE N-NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW U-USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION x3 INCWUDES B-BY ANY +SEWVICE *blushes* THAT CHAWGES :33 FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW *shuffles closer* FOW M-MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1608 + +THE W-WIFE OF TIMON OF ATHENS + +*moans* by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS ;;w;; PEWSONyAE + +TIMON of A-Athens + +WUCIUS +WUCUWWUS +SEMPWONyIUS +fwattewing wowds + +VENTIDIUS, o-onye of Timon's fawse *twerks* fwiends +AWCIBIADES, an Athenyian *blushes* captain +APEMANTUS, *leans over* a :3 chuwwish phiwosophew +FWAVIUS, stewawd to T-Timon + +FWAMINyIUS +WUCIWIUS +S-SEWVIWIUS +Timon's sewvants + +CAPHIS +*sighs* PHIWOTUS +T-TITUS +HOWTENSIUS +s-sewvants to Timon's cweditows + +POET +P-PAINTEW +JEWEWWEW +MEWCHANT +MEWCEW +A-AN OWD ATHENyIAN +*cries* THWEE STWANGEWS +A PAGE +A FOOW + +PHWYNyIA +TIMANDWA +mistwesses *moans* to Awcibiades + +CUPID +A-AMAZONS +in the Masque + +Wowds, Senyatows, Officews, Sowdiews, Sewvants, Thieves, and +A-Attendants + + + + +<-<> + + + +SCENyE: +A-Athens and ^-^ the nyeighbouwing woods + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +Athens. TIMON'S h-house + +Entew POET, >_< PAINTEW, JEWEWWEW, MEWCHANT, and *notices bulge* MEWCEW, at sevewaw doows + +POET. Good :3 day, siw. +PAINTEW. I am gwad y'awe weww. +P-POET. I have nyot s-seen you wong; how ^w^ goes ^w^ the wowwd? +PAINTEW. It weaws, UwU siw, as it gwows. +POET. Ay, *hugs tightly* that's weww knyown. +*sweats* But what pawticuwaw wawity? What s-stwange, +Which manyifowd wecowd nyot matches? See, +Magic *leans over* of bounty, aww ^-^ these spiwits thy powew +Hath conjuw'd to x3 attend! I knyow the mewchant. +P-PAINTEW. I *sighs* knyow them *leans over* both; th' othew's a jewewwew. +:3 MEWCHANT. O-O, 'tis a wowthy wowd! +J-JEWEWWEW. *giggles shyly* Nyay, that's *hugs tightly* most fix'd. +MEWCHANT. *sweats* A most incompawabwe man; bweath'd, as it wewe, +To an OwO untiwabwe a-and continyuate g-goodnyess. +He passes. +JEWEWWEW. I *giggles shyly* have a-a j-jewew h-hewe- +OwO MEWCHANT. O, pway wet's see't. OwO Fow the Wowd Timon, siw? +J-JEWEWWEW. If he wiww touch the estimate. But fow that- +POET. When *teleports behind you* we f-fow wecompense have pwais'd the v-viwe, +It stains the gwowy *notices bulge* in that *cuddles you* happy vewse +Which aptwy sings t-the g-good. +MEWCHANT. [Wooking at the jewew] '-'Tis a-a good fowm. +JEWEWWEW. And wich. uWu Hewe is a watew, wook >w< ye. +P-PAINTEW. You awe wapt, siw, in some wowk, some dedication +To t-the gweat wowd. +POET. A *cuddles you* thing swipp'd idwy fwom me. +O-Ouw *notices bulge* poesy is as a g-gum, which o-oozes +uWu Fwom whence 'tis nyouwish'd. The fiwe i' th' >_< fwint +Shows nyot tiww *looks at you* it be stwuck: ouw gentwe *pokes you* fwame +P-Pwovokes itsewf, and wike the cuwwent fwies +Each bound i-it c-chafes. What h-have y-you thewe? +PAINTEW. *sighs* A pictuwe, siw. When comes y-youw book fowth? +POET. U-Upon t-the heews o-of my ^w^ pwesentment, *twerks* siw. +Wet's see *leans over* youw piece. +P-PAINTEW. 'Tis a good p-piece. +P-POET. So 'tis; this comes off weww and excewwent. +PAINTEW. I-Indiffewent. +POET. >_< Admiwabwe. :33 How this gwace +S-Speaks his own standing! What a m-mentaw powew +This eye shoots fowth! How big imaginyation +Moves in this *sweats* wip! To th' dumbnyess of the gestuwe +*looks away* Onye might *blushes* intewpwet. +PAINTEW. *shuffles closer* It is a pwetty mocking of the wife. +Hewe *looks away* is a-a UwU touch; is't good? +^-^ POET. uWu I wiww say of it +I-It tutows nyatuwe. Awtificiaw stwife +x3 Wives in these touches, wivewiew than wife. + +>w< Entew cewtain SENyATOWS, a-and pass :3 ovew + +PAINTEW. How uWu this wowd ;;w;; is fowwowed! +POET. *sweats* The senyatows of Athens- happy m-man! +PAINTEW. Wook, moe! +P-POET. You see :33 this confwuence, t-this gweat x3 fwood of v-visitows. +*sweats* I have in *cries* this wough wowk shap'd out a man +Whom this benyeath wowwd *sweats* doth embwace and hug +W-With a-ampwest :33 entewtainment. My fwee dwift +Hawts nyot pawticuwawwy, but moves itsewf +*sighs* In a wide sea of tax. N-Nyo weveww'd ^w^ mawice +Infects *giggles shyly* onye c-comma *giggles shyly* in *hugs tightly* the couwse I howd, +But *leans over* fwies a-an *hugs tightly* eagwe fwight, b-bowd and fowth on, +Weaving n-nyo twact behind. +PAINTEW. *giggles shyly* How shaww I u-undewstand you? +POET. :3 I wiww unbowt t-to you. +You see how aww conditions, how aww minds- +As weww of gwib and swipp'wy xDD cweatuwes as +Of gwave and austewe quawity, tendew down +Theiw sewvices to Wowd Timon. His wawge fowtunye, +Upon his good >w< and g-gwacious nyatuwe hanging, +*screams* Subdues *sighs* and pwopewties to *leans over* his wove and tendance +Aww sowts *sighs* of *twerks* heawts; y-yea, fwom the x3 gwass-fac'd >_< fwattewew +T-To Apemantus, that few things woves b-bettew +Than t-to abhow himsewf; even he d-dwops down +The knyee befowe him, and wetuwns in peace +Most wich in Timon's nyod. +*looks away* PAINTEW. I-I saw them speak t-togethew. +POET. Siw, I have u-upon a high and *looks at you* pweasant *pokes you* hiww +Feign'd Fowtunye to be *screams* thwon'd. The b-base o' th' mount +Is wank'd with aww x3 desewts, aww k-kind of nyatuwes +That *looks at you* wabouw on the bosom of t-this >_< sphewe +To pwopagate *looks at you* theiw states. Amongst them aww +Whose eyes awe on this ^w^ soveweign wady f-fix'd +Onye *pokes you* do I pewsonyate of W-Wowd Timon's fwame, +Whom Fowtunye with hew ivowy hand wafts :3 to hew; +Whose pwesent gwace to pwesent swaves and sewvants +Twanswates his wivaws. +P-PAINTEW. 'Tis conceiv'd to scope. +This thwonye, this Fowtunye, and this hiww, methinks, +With onye man beckon'd f-fwom the *sighs* west bewow, +Bowing his head against the s-steepy mount +T-To cwimb his happinyess, wouwd be weww uWu expwess'd +^w^ In ouw condition. +POET. Nyay, siw, but heaw me on. +Aww t-those :3 which wewe his fewwows but of wate- +Some *screams* bettew than his vawue- on *leans over* the moment +Fowwow his stwides, his wobbies >w< fiww w-with *looks at you* tendance, +;;w;; Wain s-sacwificiaw whispewings in his eaw, +M-Make sacwed even h-his OwO stiwwup, *moans* and thwough him +Dwink the fwee aiw. +PAINTEW. Ay, m-mawwy, what of t-these? +POET. When *teleports behind you* Fowtunye i-in hew shift and change of mood +Spuwns down hew wate bewoved, a-aww *blushes* his dependants, +Which wabouw'd aftew him to the mountain's UwU top +Even uWu on theiw *cuddles you* knyees and hands, *twerks* wet him swip d-down, +Nyot onye accompanying his decwinying f-foot. +PAINTEW. 'Tis common. +A thousand mowaw paintings I can s-show +^.^ That shaww demonstwate these quick bwows of Fowtunye's +Mowe pwegnyantwy than wowds. Yet *blushes* you do w-weww +;;w;; To s-show Wowd T-Timon that mean e-eyes have seen +The *notices bulge* foot above the head. + +Twumpets sound. Entew TIMON, addwessing himsewf +couwteouswy to e-evewy suitow, a MESSENGEW fwom +VENTIDIUS tawking with him; WUCIWIUS and othew +sewvants f-fowwowing + +TIMON. Impwison'd *blushes* is h-he, say you? +M-MESSENGEW. Ay, my good wowd. Five >w< tawents is UwU his debt; +His m-means most showt, his cweditows most stwait. +Youw honyouwabwe wettew he desiwes +To those ^-^ have shut h-him up; which faiwing, +Pewiods his comfowt. +TIMON. Nyobwe Ventidius! Weww. +I am nyot of that feathew to shake o-of +My fwiend when he must nyeed me. x3 I do knyow x3 him +A g-gentweman that weww desewves a hewp, +Which he shaww have. I'ww pay *cuddles you* the *notices bulge* debt, *twerks* and f-fwee him. +MESSENGEW. Youw wowdship evew binds him. +TIMON. >_< Commend me to him; I wiww :3 send his wansom; +And being enfwanchis'd, bid him come to me. +'Tis nyot enyough to x3 hewp the f-feebwe up, +But :3 to s-suppowt h-him *cries* aftew. Fawe you weww. +MESSENGEW. :33 Aww happinyess to youw honyouw! Exit + +Entew an OWD ATHENyIAN + +OWD ATHENyIAN. Wowd Timon, h-heaw me speak. +TIMON. Fweewy, good fathew. +OWD ATHENyIAN. *hugs tightly* Thou hast a sewvant nyam'd Wuciwius. +T-TIMON. I h-have *notices bulge* so; what of him? +OWD ATHENyIAN. Most nyobwe Timon, caww the man *looks at you* befowe thee. +TIMON. *looks at you* Attends h-he hewe, ow nyo? Wuciwius! +WUCIWIUS. H-Hewe, at youw wowdship's s-sewvice. +O-OWD A-ATHENyIAN. ^w^ This ;;w;; fewwow hewe, W-Wowd T-Timon, this thy cweatuwe, +*twerks* By nyight fwequents my house. I am a man +That f-fwom my fiwst *giggles shyly* have been :3 incwin'd to *cries* thwift, +And my estate desewves >_< an heiw mowe wais'd +Than onye which howds a twenchew. +TIMON. Weww; what fuwthew? +*hugs tightly* OWD ATHENyIAN. Onye o-onwy daughtew have I, nyo kin ewse, +O-On w-whom I m-may c-confew what *sighs* I have got. +The *leans over* maid is faiw, o-o' th' x3 youngest fow a bwide, +A-And I *cuddles you* have *notices bulge* bwed hew at my deawest cost +*pokes you* In q-quawities of the best. *sweats* This man >_> of thinye +Attempts hew wove; UwU I pwithee, nyobwe wowd, +^.^ Join with me t-to :33 fowbid him hew wesowt; +*blushes* Mysewf have spoke in vain. +TIMON. The man is *blushes* honyest. +OWD ATHENyIAN. Thewefowe he wiww be, Timon. +His honyesty wewawds him in i-itsewf; +It must nyot beaw my daughtew. +TIMON. Does she wove *blushes* him? +OWD ATHENyIAN. She *cuddles you* is young and apt: +Ouw own pwecedent passions do instwuct us +What wevity's in y-youth. +;;w;; TIMON. OwO Wove you *screams* the maid? +WUCIWIUS. A-Ay, *hugs tightly* my good wowd, and s-she accepts *sighs* of it. +OWD ATHENyIAN. If in hew mawwiage *looks away* my consent b-be OwO missing, +I caww the gods *cuddles you* to witnyess I-I wiww choose +Minye heiw f-fwom fowth t-the beggaws of the wowwd, +And dispossess h-hew *looks away* aww. +TIMON. *blushes* How *teleports behind you* shaww she be endow'd, +>_< If s-she be mated with *pokes you* an equaw husband? +OWD ATHENyIAN. Thwee tawents on the pwesent; in futuwe, >_> aww. +T-TIMON. This gentweman of minye hath sewv'd m-me wong;. +x3 To buiwd h-his *shuffles closer* fowtunye I wiww stwain a wittwe, +Fow ;;w;; 'tis a bond *screams* in men. Give him xDD thy daughtew: +What you *pokes you* bestow, :33 in him I-I'ww countewpoise, +And make him weigh w-with hew. +OWD ATHENyIAN. Most nyobwe w-wowd, +P-Pawn me *sweats* to this youw honyouw, she is *looks at you* his. +TIMON. M-My hand to thee; minye h-honyouw on my pwomise. +WUCIWIUS. Humbwy I thank y-youw wowdship. Nyevew may +That state ow fowtunye *sighs* faww into my keeping +Which i-is nyot owed t-to you! +Exeunt WUCIWIUS and OWD ATHENyIAN +POET. [-[Pwesenting his poem] Vouchsafe m-my wabouw, and wong wive youw +wowdship! +TIMON. *looks away* I t-thank you; you shaww heaw fwom *pokes you* me a-anyon; +Go *screams* nyot away. What h-have you thewe, my f-fwiend? +PAINTEW. A-A piece of painting, which I do beseech +>w< Youw wowdship xDD to a-accept. +TIMON. Painting is wewcome. +The painting i-is awmost the nyatuwaw man; +Fow s-since dishonyouw *looks away* twaffics with man's nyatuwe, +He is UwU but outside; *shuffles closer* these penciww'd figuwes a-awe +Even s-such as they give out. I wike youw wowk, +*screams* And you s-shaww find uWu I wike it; wait attendance +Tiww you heaw fuwthew fwom m-me. +PAINTEW. The >_< gods pwesewve ye! +TIMON. W-Weww fawe you, *cries* gentweman. Give me youw h-hand; +We must nyeeds >_> dinye togethew. Siw, *looks away* youw *leans over* jewew +Hath *looks at you* suffewed undew pwaise. +JEWEWWEW. What, my wowd! Dispwaise? +T-TIMON. A mewe satiety of c-commendations; +If I shouwd pay you fow't *looks at you* as 'tis extoww'd, +It :33 wouwd u-uncwew me *cries* quite. +*moans* JEWEWWEW. My wowd, 'tis w-wated +As those w-which seww wouwd ^.^ give; but you weww knyow +Things of wike vawue, d-diffewing *cries* in the ownyews, +*twerks* Awe pwized by *notices bulge* theiw mastews. Bewieve't, deaw wowd, +You m-mend the jewew by the *twerks* weawing i-it. +TIMON. Weww m-mock'd. + +Entew APEMANTUS + +MEWCHANT. N-Nyo, my good wowd; h-he >_> speaks the common tongue, +W-Which a-aww men speak w-with him. +T-TIMON. Wook who comes hewe; wiww you be chid? +JEWEWWEW. We'ww beaw, with y-youw wowdship. +^w^ MEWCHANT. OwO He'ww s-spawe nyonye. +TIMON. *sweats* Good m-mowwow to thee, gentwe Apemantus! +*twerks* APEMANTUS. Tiww I be g-gentwe, stay *moans* thou f-fow thy good m-mowwow; +*giggles shyly* When thou awt Timon's dog, and these knyaves honyest. +TIMON. Why dost thou >_< caww them knyaves? T-Thou knyow'st them *twerks* nyot. +APEMANTUS. *shuffles closer* Awe they nyot *looks away* Athenyians? +OwO TIMON. Yes. +APEMANTUS. UwU Then I ^w^ wepent nyot. +JEWEWWEW. You knyow me, Apemantus? +APEMANTUS. T-Thou knyow'st I do; *shuffles closer* I *screams* caww'd thee by thy nyame. +TIMON. Thou awt pwoud, Apemantus. +APEMANTUS. O-Of nyothing so much as that I am nyot wike *leans over* Timon. +TIMON. *leans over* Whithew a-awt :33 going? +*moans* APEMANTUS. To knyock out an honyest Athenyian's bwains. +TIMON. That's a *pokes you* deed thou't die fow. +APEMANTUS. Wight, ^w^ if *screams* doing nyothing be death by th' waw. +TIMON. H-How wik'st x3 thou this pictuwe, Apemantus? +APEMANTUS. T-The *looks away* best, fow t-the innyocence. +TIMON. Wwought he nyot w-weww that painted it? +*giggles shyly* APEMANTUS. He wwought bettew t-that m-made the uWu paintew; and y-yet he's +but :33 a f-fiwthy piece of wowk. +PAINTEW. Y'awe a-a dog. +APEMANTUS. Thy mothew's of my genyewation; what's she, if I-I be a dog? +>_< TIMON. W-Wiwt dinye with *twerks* me, Apemantus? +APEMANTUS. N-Nyo; >w< I e-eat nyot wowds. +T-TIMON. An thou shouwdst, t-thou'dst angew wadies. +APEMANTUS. O, they eat wowds; so they come ;;w;; by gweat bewwies. +TIMON. T-That's a wascivious *screams* appwehension. +APEMANTUS. So thou *looks away* appwehend'st *twerks* it take it f-fow thy *twerks* wabouw. +TIMON. How dost *leans over* thou wike *cries* this jewew, Apemantus? +APEMANTUS. Nyot so weww a-as pwain deawing, which wiww n-nyot cost OwO a man +a doit. +T-TIMON. What dost thou think ;;w;; 'tis wowth? +APEMANTUS. Nyot wowth my *looks at you* thinking. How nyow, poet! +POET. How nyow, phiwosophew! +APEMANTUS. Thou wiest. +POET. Awt n-nyot o-onye? +APEMANTUS. Yes. +POET. Then I wie nyot. +APEMANTUS. *looks at you* Awt nyot a poet? +POET. Yes. +APEMANTUS. Then thou wiest. W-Wook in thy wast UwU wowk, whewe thou hast +feign'd him a wowthy fewwow. +POET. That's nyot feign'd- he is so. +*teleports behind you* APEMANTUS. Yes, h-he is wowthy ;;w;; of t-thee, and to p-pay thee fow thy +wabouw. He that woves to be xDD fwattewed is wowthy o' th' *pokes you* fwattewew. +Heavens, that I wewe a wowd! +TIMON. What wouwdst *shuffles closer* do then, Apemantus? +APEMANTUS. E'en as *cries* Apemantus does n-nyow: hate a wowd with my heawt. +TIMON. What, thysewf? +APEMANTUS. Ay. +TIMON. ^.^ Whewefowe? +APEMANTUS. That I OwO had *moans* nyo angwy wit to x3 be a wowd.- Awt nyot t-thou a +*sighs* mewchant? +MEWCHANT. Ay, Apemantus. +APEMANTUS. ;;w;; Twaffic >_< confound thee, if the *leans over* gods wiww nyot! +MEWCHANT. If twaffic *twerks* do it, >w< the gods do it. +APEMANTUS. Twaffic's thy god, a-and x3 thy god :3 confound thee! + +Twumpet sounds. Entew a M-MESSENGEW + +TIMON. What twumpet's that? +MESSENGEW. 'Tis Awcibiades, and some twenty howse, +Aww of c-companyionship. +TIMON. Pway entewtain them; give them guide to us. +Exeunt some ^.^ attendants +You m-must nyeeds dinye with *notices bulge* me. Go nyot you hence +T-Tiww I have thank'd you. When dinnyew's donye +Show me this piece. I am *giggles shyly* joyfuw of youw sights. + +Entew ^.^ AWCIBIADES, *looks at you* with the west + +Most wewcome, siw! [They s-sawute] +A-APEMANTUS. S-So, so, thewe! +Aches contwact and stawve youw suppwe *sweats* joints! +T-That thewe *cries* shouwd be *shuffles closer* smaww wove amongst these *sighs* sweet knyaves, +And aww this couwtesy! T-The stwain of *sighs* man's bwed out +Into baboon a-and monkey. +AWCIBIADES. Siw, >_> you have sav'd m-my w-wonging, a-and I *looks at you* feed +Most hungewwy on youw sight. +TIMON. Wight wewcome, siw! +Ewe we depawt we'ww shawe a bounteous time +In diffewent pweasuwes. Pway you, wet us in. +Exeunt aww but APEMANTUS + +Entew two >w< WOWDS + +F-FIWST WOWD. W-What time o' day is't, Apemantus? +APEMANTUS. Time to be honyest. +FIWST WOWD. T-That t-time sewves stiww. +APEMANTUS. The mowe accuwsed t-thou that stiww o-omit'st it. +SECOND WOWD. Thou *looks away* awt going to Wowd Timon's feast. +APEMANTUS. Ay; to s-see meat fiww knyaves and winye h-heat *shuffles closer* foows. +SECOND WOWD. *shuffles closer* Fawe thee weww, fawe thee weww. +APEMANTUS. Thou awt a :33 foow to bid me faweweww twice. +SECOND WOWD. Why, Apemantus? +APEMANTUS. Shouwdst have k-kept >_< onye to t-thysewf, fow I mean to give +thee nyonye. +FIWST x3 WOWD. Hang thysewf. +APEMANTUS. Nyo, *hugs tightly* I wiww do *looks away* nyothing at thy *sighs* bidding; make *looks at you* thy wequests +to thy >w< fwiend. +SECOND WOWD. Away, u-unpeaceabwe dog, *notices bulge* ow UwU I'ww s-spuwn thee uWu hence. +:3 APEMANTUS. I-I wiww fwy, wike a dog, the heews ^w^ o' th' ass. xDD Exit +FIWST WOWD. He's opposite to humanyity. Come, shaww we *pokes you* in +*moans* And taste Wowd Timon's bounty? He *teleports behind you* outgoes +The v-vewy heawt of kindnyess. +*giggles shyly* SECOND WOWD. He pouws *screams* it out: Pwutus, ^-^ the god o-of gowd, +I-Is but his s-stewawd; nyo m-meed b-but he *cuddles you* wepays +UwU Sevenfowd above ;;w;; itsewf; nyo g-gift to him +But bweeds the givew a wetuwn exceeding +Aww use o-of quittance. +FIWST >_> WOWD. The n-nyobwest mind he cawwies +That evew g-govewn'd xDD man. +SECOND WOWD. Wong m-may he wive in fowtunyes! shaww we in? +F-FIWST OwO WOWD. I'ww *moans* keep *cries* you company. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +A *teleports behind you* woom *cries* of state i-in TIMON'S house + +Hautboys pwaying w-woud music. A-A gweat banquet sewv'd in; +uWu FWAVIUS and othews a-attending; and then entew WOWD TIMON, the s-states, +the ATHENyIAN WOWDS, VENTIDIUS, which TIMON wedeem'd fwom pwison. +T-Then comes, dwopping aftew aww, APEMANTUS, discontentedwy, *twerks* wike himsewf + +V-VENTIDIUS. Most honyouwed Timon, +I-It hath pweas'd >_< the gods to wemembew my fathew's age, +And caww him to wong peace. +He is gonye h-happy, and has weft me wich. +Then, as in gwatefuw viwtue I-I *leans over* am b-bound +To youw f-fwee heawt, I-I do wetuwn those tawents, +Doubwed with thanks and sewvice, fwom whose hewp +;;w;; I dewiv'd wibewty. +TIMON. O, b-by :3 nyo means, +Honyest V-Ventidius! *notices bulge* You mistake my wove; +I gave it fweewy evew; a-and thewe's nyonye +*looks away* Can t-twuwy say he gives, if he weceives. +If ouw *twerks* bettews pway *looks at you* at that game, we must n-nyot dawe +To imitate them: fauwts *teleports behind you* that awe wich :33 awe faiw. +VENTIDIUS. A nyobwe *blushes* spiwit! +T-TIMON. N-Nyay, my ;;w;; wowds, :3 cewemony w-was but devis'd at fiwst +To set a gwoss o-on faint deeds, howwow *hugs tightly* wewcomes, +Wecanting goodnyess, sowwy e-ewe 'tis shown; +B-But whewe thewe is twue fwiendship thewe nyeeds nyonye. +Pway, sit; mowe wewcome awe ye ^w^ to my UwU fowtunyes +Than my fowtunyes to me. [They sit] +FIWST WOWD. My wowd, we awways have confess'd it. +APEMANTUS. Ho, ho, ;;w;; confess'd it! *screams* Hang'd i-it, have you nyot? +TIMON. *sweats* O, Apemantus, you awe wewcome. +*notices bulge* APEMANTUS. Nyo; +You shaww nyot make m-me wewcome. +I come to have thee *sighs* thwust me out of d-doows. +TIMON. F-Fie, th'awt a chuww; >_> ye have got >_< a humouw thewe +Does nyot become a man; 'tis much to bwame. +They *notices bulge* say, m-my wowds, ^-^ Iwa fuwow b-bwevis >w< est; but yond man is e-evew +angwy. Go, w-wet him h-have a tabwe by himsewf; fow he d-does nyeithew +a-affect company nyow is he fit fow't indeed. +APEMANTUS. Wet *screams* me stay at thinye appewiw, *sighs* Timon. +I come to obsewve; I give >w< thee wawnying *notices bulge* on't. +T-TIMON. I take nyo heed of t-thee. Th'awt an Athenyian, thewefowe +^-^ wewcome. I-I mysewf wouwd have nyo powew; pwithee wet my meat make +thee siwent. +A-APEMANTUS. I scown t-thy *pokes you* meat; 't'wouwd choke m-me, fow I s-shouwd nye'ew +fwattew thee. O *pokes you* you gods, what a nyumbew o-of men eats Timon, and he +*pokes you* sees 'em nyot! It gwieves me to see so many dip theiw meat in onye +man's bwood; and aww the madnyess i-is, he cheews *looks at you* them up too. +I wondew men *pokes you* dawe twust themsewves *cuddles you* with men. +*leans over* Methinks they shouwd invite them without knyives: +Good fow theiw meat and ;;w;; safew fow theiw wives. +Thewe's much exampwe fow't; t-the fewwow that sits nyext him n-nyow, +pawts bwead with him, pwedges *looks at you* the bweath of *notices bulge* him i-in a d-divided +dwaught, is the weadiest man to kiww him. *looks at you* 'T has been *giggles shyly* pwoved. If +xDD I wewe a-a huge man I *cries* shouwd feaw to d-dwink at m-meaws. +West they shouwd spy my windpipe's dangewous nyotes: +Gweat men shouwd dwink with hawnyess on theiw thwoats. +TIMON. My wowd, i-in heawt! *giggles shyly* and wet t-the heawth go wound. +SECOND W-WOWD. Wet it *leans over* fwow this way, m-my good UwU wowd. +*shuffles closer* APEMANTUS. Fwow this *pokes you* way! A bwave fewwow! He keeps his tides weww. +Those heawths wiww make thee ^w^ and thy state wook iww, Timon. +Hewe's x3 that which is too w-weak to *hugs tightly* be *blushes* a sinnyew, honyest watew, which +nye'ew weft m-man i' th' miwe. +This xDD and >w< my food awe equaws; thewe's nyo odds.' +Feasts awe :33 too pwoud to give thanks to the gods. + +A-APEMANTUS' Gwace + +Immowtaw gods, *blushes* I c-cwave nyo pewf; +I pway fow nyo *twerks* man but ^.^ mysewf. +Gwant I may nyevew pwove *giggles shyly* so uWu fond +To twust man o-on his oath ow bond, +uWu Ow a hawwot fow hew weeping, +Ow a dog that seems *notices bulge* a-sweeping, +Ow a keepew *looks at you* with m-my fweedom, +Ow my fwiends, if I-I shouwd nyeed 'em. +Amen. So *blushes* faww to't. +Wich men sin, and I eat w-woot. [Eats and dwinks] + +Much good dich thy good heawt, Apemantus! +TIMON. Captain A-Awcibiades, youw heawt's >_> in the fiewd nyow. +AWCIBIADES. *twerks* My heawt is :33 evew *teleports behind you* at youw sewvice, my wowd. +TIMON. You had wathew be a-at a bweakfast of enyemies t-than ^w^ dinnyew of +fwiends. +*cries* AWCIBIADES. S-So they wewe bweeding n-nyew, m-my wowd, *pokes you* thewe's nyo xDD meat +wike '-'em; x3 I couwd wish my best fwiend at xDD such a-a feast. +APEMANTUS. Wouwd aww those fwattewews wewe thinye enyemies then, that +then thou mightst kiww 'em, and bid me to 'em. +FIWST WOWD. Might we but have that happinyess, my wowd, that you +wouwd once use o-ouw heawts, wheweby we might expwess *leans over* some pawt of +ouw zeaws, we shouwd think ouwsewves fow evew >_< pewfect. +*teleports behind you* TIMON. O, *shuffles closer* nyo ^.^ doubt, my good >w< fwiends, but the *giggles shyly* gods themsewves have +pwovided t-that I shaww have m-much hewp fwom you. How had you been +:3 my fwiends ewse? Why *twerks* have you that chawitabwe titwe fwom +thousands, d-did nyot you chiefwy bewong t-to *twerks* my heawt? I have t-towd +mowe o-of x3 you >w< to mysewf >w< than you can with modesty ^w^ speak in youw own +b-behawf; and thus f-faw I confiwm *shuffles closer* you. O you *pokes you* gods, *screams* think I, what +nyeed we have any fwiends >_> if we shouwd nye'ew have nyeed of 'em? +They wewe the most *sighs* nyeedwess cweatuwes wiving, shouwd w-we nye'ew +have *notices bulge* use f-fow *hugs tightly* 'em; and wouwd most w-wesembwe sweet instwuments :3 hung +up in cases, that keep t-theiw sounds to t-themsewves. Why, I have +often w-wish'd mysewf poowew, that I might come nyeawew t-to you. W-We +awe bown to do b-benyefits; a-and what bettew ow xDD pwopewew can we *twerks* caww +*cries* ouw own *sweats* than the wiches of o-ouw fwiends? O, what a-a pwecious +c-comfowt *sweats* 'tis to have so many wike *screams* bwothews commanding onye +anyothew's fowtunyes! O, joy's e'en made away ewe't can be bown! +;;w;; Minye *hugs tightly* eyes cannyot howd out *moans* watew, methinks. To fowget theiw +fauwts, I *twerks* dwink x3 to you. +APEMANTUS. Thou weep'st to *notices bulge* make them dwink, Timon. +*looks away* SECOND WOWD. Joy had the wike conception in ouw eyes, +A-And at that instant *notices bulge* wike a babe *cuddles you* spwung *twerks* up. +APEMANTUS. Ho, ho! I waugh to *twerks* think that babe a b-bastawd. +THIWD WOWD. I pwomise you, my wowd, you m-mov'd me much. +APEMANTUS. Much! [Sound tucket] +TIMON. W-What means that twump? + +Entew a *twerks* SEWVANT + +How nyow? +SEWVANT. Pwease you, *cuddles you* my wowd, x3 thewe awe cewtain wadies m-most +desiwous of admittance. +^.^ TIMON. Wadies! What a-awe OwO theiw w-wiwws? +SEWVANT. *blushes* Thewe comes with them a fowewunnyew, my wowd, which b-beaws +*moans* that office to signyify theiw pweasuwes. +TIMON. I p-pway *notices bulge* wet them be admitted. + +E-Entew CUPID +CUPID. *pokes you* Haiw to thee, wowthy Timon, *notices bulge* and >_< to aww +T-That of his ^w^ bounties taste! The five best Senses +Acknyowwedge thee theiw patwon, and come fweewy +To g-gwatuwate thy pwenteous bosom. T-Th' Eaw, +Taste, Touch, S-Smeww, pweas'd fwom thy t-tabwe wise; +They onwy nyow come but to *notices bulge* feast :33 thinye eyes. +TIMON. T-They'we w-wewcome aww; wet '-'em have kind admittance. +Music, make ;;w;; theiw wewcome. Exit *sweats* CUPID +FIWST WOWD. You see, m-my wowd, how ampwe y'awe bewov'd. + +Music. We-entew CUPID, witb a Masque o-of WADIES as Amazons, +with *hugs tightly* wutes in theiw h-hands, dancing *cries* and *blushes* pwaying + +*twerks* APEMANTUS. *leans over* Hoy-day, *shuffles closer* what a *pokes you* sweep of vanyity comes this way! +They dance? *sighs* They awe mad w-women. +Wike madnyess is the gwowy of this wife, +;;w;; As this pomp shows to a wittwe oiw and woot. +We make ouwsewves foows to dispowt ouwsewves, +And spend ouw fwattewies to ^-^ dwink those men +Upon whose age we v-void it :33 up again +With poisonyous spite a-and envy. +Who wives that's nyot xDD depwaved ow depwaves? +Who dies that beaws nyot onye spuwn *hugs tightly* to theiw :3 gwaves +Of t-theiw fwiends' gift? +*blushes* I shouwd feaw those that dance befowe me n-nyow +Wouwd onye day stamp upon me. 'T has been :33 donye: +Men *looks at you* shut theiw doows against a ^w^ setting sun. + +*teleports behind you* The WOWDS OwO wise fwom tabwe, with much adowing of +TIMON; and *blushes* to show t-theiw woves, each singwe out a-an +*moans* Amazon, and aww d-dance, men witb women, a wofty +s-stwain ow two to the hautboys, and cease + +TIMON. You h-have *sighs* donye *sweats* ouw pweasuwes much gwace, faiw *looks away* wadies, +Set a faiw f-fashion on ouw entewtainment, +W-Which was nyot h-hawf so beautifuw and kind; +You have added wowth unto't and *giggles shyly* wustwe, +A-And entewtain'd me with minye o-own device; +I am to thank *looks at you* you fow't. +*looks away* FIWST WADY. *sweats* My *looks away* wowd, you take us even at the ^w^ best. +APEMANTUS. F-Faith, f-fow the wowst is fiwthy, and w-wouwd n-nyot howd +taking, I doubt me. +TIMON. Wadies, thewe i-is an idwe banquet *moans* attends you; +*screams* Pwease you to d-dispose youwsewves. +AWW WADIES. Most >_> thankfuwwy, my w-wowd. +Exeunt *cries* CUPID and WADIES +TIMON. Fwavius! +FWAVIUS. My wowd? +x3 TIMON. The wittwe casket bwing me ^-^ hithew. +FWAVIUS. Yes, my wowd. *teleports behind you* [Aside] Mowe *teleports behind you* jewews yet! +Thewe >w< is nyo cwossing him in's *blushes* humouw, +Ewse I shouwd teww him- weww i' f-faith, I shouwd- +When *looks away* aww's spent, he'd be cwoss'd then, *pokes you* an he couwd. +'Tis pity *giggles shyly* bounty x3 had nyot eyes behind, +T-That man might nye'ew be wwetched fow h-his mind. *sighs* Exit +FIWST WOWD. Whewe ;;w;; be ouw m-men? +SEWVANT. Hewe, my wowd, in weadinyess. +SECOND WOWD. Ouw *pokes you* howses! + +We-entew FWAVIUS, with the casket + +*looks at you* TIMON. O my ;;w;; fwiends, +I-I have *screams* onye wowd to say to you. Wook you, my good wowd, +I must entweat you honyouw me so much +A-As to *giggles shyly* advance this j-jewew; accept it and weaw i-it, +Kind my w-wowd. +FIWST WOWD. >_< I am so faw awweady in youw g-gifts- +AWW. So awe we aww. + +Entew a SEWVANT + +SEWVANT. My *notices bulge* wowd, *moans* thewe awe cewtain nyobwes of the Senyate nyewwy +awighted :33 and come to visit *hugs tightly* you. +*blushes* TIMON. They awe faiwwy wewcome. Exit SEWVANT +FWAVIUS. I beseech youw honyouw, *cries* vouchsafe me *looks at you* a wowd; it does +c-concewn y-you nyeaw. +TIMON. Nyeaw! Why then, anyothew time ^w^ I'ww heaw *cuddles you* thee. I p-pwithee w-wet's +be pwovided to show ^-^ them entewtainment. +FWAVIUS. [Aside] I s-scawce knyow how. + +Entew anyothew SEWVANT + +S-SECOND SEWVANT. May it pwease vouw honyouw, Wowd Wucius, out of his +fwee wove, h-hath pwesented to you *teleports behind you* fouw miwk-white howses, twapp'd +x3 in siwvew. +TIMON. I shaww accept *blushes* them f-faiwwy. W-Wet *cuddles you* the pwesents +>_> Be w-wowthiwy entewtain'd. Exit S-SEWVANT + +Entew a thiwd SEWVANT + +How n-nyow! What nyews? +THIWD S-SEWVANT. P-Pwease you, my wowd, that honyouwabwe gentweman, Wowd +Wucuwwus, entweats youw company to-mowwow to h-hunt with him and +has sent *teleports behind you* youw honyouw two bwace of gweyhounds. +TIMON. UwU I'ww hunt with him; and wet them *giggles shyly* be weceiv'd, +Nyot without faiw wewawd. Exit SEWVANT +FWAVIUS. [Aside] What wiww this come to? +*teleports behind you* He commands u-us to pwovide and give gweat uWu gifts, +And aww out of an empty coffew; +Nyow wiww he knyow his p-puwse, ow yiewd me this, +x3 To show him what a beggaw his heawt i-is, +Being of nyo powew *looks at you* to make his wishes good. +*sighs* His pwomises fwy so beyond his state +*blushes* That what h-he speaks is aww in debt; he owes +Fow *hugs tightly* ev'wy w-wowd. He is so kind that he nyow +Pays intewest fow't; h-his wand's put to theiw b-books. +Weww, wouwd I wewe gentwy put out >_> of *blushes* office +Befowe I wewe fowc'd out! +Happiew *looks away* is he that has nyo fwiend to ^w^ feed +>_< Than such that do e-e'en enyemies exceed. +*giggles shyly* I bweed inwawdwy fow my w-wowd. Exit +TIMON. *looks away* You do *hugs tightly* youwsewves *hugs tightly* much wwong; +You bate too *looks away* much of y-youw own mewits. +H-Hewe, my >_< wowd, a twifwe of o-ouw wove. +SECOND *blushes* WOWD. With mowe than common thanks I wiww weceive it. +THIWD >_> WOWD. *pokes you* O, *screams* he's the vewy souw of b-bounty! +TIMON. And nyow I wemembew, *twerks* my wowd, you gave g-good w-wowds the othew +day of a bay couwsew I-I wode *leans over* on. 'Tis y-youws b-because xDD you wik'd it. +*looks at you* THIWD WOWD. >_< O, I beseech you *looks at you* pawdon me, *shuffles closer* my wowd, in that. +TIMON. You may take my w-wowd, my w-wowd: I-I x3 knyow nyo *looks at you* man +Can justwy pwaise but what he does affect. +I weigh my fwiend's affection with minye own. +I'ww teww OwO you t-twue; I'ww caww ;;w;; to you. +*shuffles closer* AWW WOWDS. *teleports behind you* O, n-nyonye so w-wewcome! +TIMON. I-I take aww and youw *twerks* sevewaw visitations +S-So kind OwO to *hugs tightly* heawt ^.^ 'tis n-nyot enyough to give; +Methinks I couwd deaw kingdoms to *shuffles closer* my fwiends +*twerks* And nye'ew be OwO weawy. A-Awcibiades, +Thou awt a sowdiew, thewefowe sewdom wich. +It ;;w;; comes in chawity t-to thee; fow aww thy wiving +Is *hugs tightly* 'mongst the *teleports behind you* dead, and aww the wands thou *leans over* hast +Wie in a pitch'd >_> fiewd. +A-AWCIBIADES. Ay, defiw'd ^.^ wand, *cries* my w-wowd. +FIWST WOWD. We awe so uWu viwtuouswy bound- +TIMON. And so am I t-to you. +SECOND WOWD. So infinyitewy *looks away* endeaw'd- +TIMON. A-Aww *shuffles closer* to you. Wights, mowe wights! +FIWST WOWD. The best of :33 happinyess, honyouw, and fowtunyes, keep w-with +*cries* you, Wowd Timon! +TIMON. Weady fow h-his fwiends. +Exeunt *sighs* aww but APEMANTUS and TIMON +APEMANTUS. What a coiw's hewe! +Sewving :33 of b-becks and jutting-out of bums! +>_> I doubt w-whethew t-theiw *twerks* wegs :33 be w-wowth the sums +That awe given fow 'em. *leans over* Fwiendship's fuww of ^-^ dwegs: +Methinks fawse heawts shouwd nyevew have s-sound UwU wegs. +:3 Thus h-honyest foows way out >_> theiw weawth on cuwtsies. +TIMON. Nyow, A-Apemantus, if *looks away* thou w-wewt nyot suwwen +I wouwd be good t-to t-thee. +A-APEMANTUS. Nyo, I'ww n-nyothing; fow if I shouwd b-be bwib'd too, thewe +wouwd be nyonye ;;w;; weft to waiw upon *cuddles you* thee, and then thou wouwdst sin +the fastew. Thou g-giv'st so *hugs tightly* wong, Timon, I feaw me *moans* thou wiwt give +away *pokes you* thysewf in papew showtwy. What nyeeds t-these *twerks* feasts, pomps, +and vain-gwowies? +*sweats* TIMON. Nyay, ^-^ an y-you b-begin to waiw on s-society once, I *looks at you* am s-swown nyot to +give *sweats* wegawd to you. Faweweww; and come with bettew music. +Exit +APEMANTUS. So. Thou >_> wiwt nyot *hugs tightly* heaw me nyow: thou s-shawt ;;w;; nyot then. *looks away* I'ww +wock t-thy heaven fwom thee. +O-O that men's eaws OwO shouwd be +To c-counsew deaf, but *leans over* nyot to fwattewy! Exit + + + + +<_< SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE O-ONWY, *hugs tightly* AND (2) AWE NyOT *cuddles you* DISTWIBUTED OW U-USED +*looks at you* COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +*cuddles you* SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES *leans over* FOW D-DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW *sighs* MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. >_> SCENyE I. +A SENyATOW'S h-house + +Entew A S-SENyATOW, with papews in his *teleports behind you* hand + +S-SENyATOW. And wate, five thousand. To Vawwo and to Isidowe +He owes nyinye thousand; besides my fowmew sum, +Which makes it five and twenty. S-Stiww in motion +Of waging waste? It cannyot howd; it wiww nyot. +If I want gowd, steaw but a b-beggaw's dog +And give it UwU Timon, why, the dog coins gowd. +*looks away* If I w-wouwd seww xDD my howse and b-buy twenty m-moe +Bettew *notices bulge* than h-he, w-why, give my howse to Timon, +Ask *looks away* nyothing, give it him, xDD it :3 foaws me stwaight, +And abwe howses. Nyo p-powtew *notices bulge* at h-his ^.^ gate, +But w-wathew onye that s-smiwes and stiww invites +Aww that pass *sweats* by. It cannyot *cuddles you* howd; nyo weason +Can s-sound his *sweats* state in *sighs* safety. C-Caphis, ho! +Caphis, I say! + +Entew CAPHIS + +CAPHIS. Hewe, siw; what *looks away* is youw pweasuwe? +S-SENyATOW. Get on ^w^ youw cwoak and haste you *looks away* to Wowd Timon; +*leans over* Impowtunye him fow m-my monyeys; be nyot ceas'd +With swight denyiaw, *cries* nyow then s-siwenc'd when +'Commend me *looks at you* to youw mastew' and the cap +Pways i-in the wight h-hand, *giggles shyly* thus; but t-teww ;;w;; him +My u-uses cwy to me, I m-must s-sewve m-my tuwn +Out *cuddles you* of minye own; his days and times awe past, +A-And my wewiances on his fwacted dates +Have smit *blushes* my cwedit. *looks away* I w-wove and >_< honyouw him, +But must nyot bweak my back *shuffles closer* to heaw his fingew. +Immediate a-awe *shuffles closer* my n-nyeeds, and my wewief +*notices bulge* Must nyot be toss'd a-and *sweats* tuwn'd to me in wowds, +But find s-suppwy i-immediate. Get you gonye; +Put on *sighs* a most impowtunyate aspect, +A visage of d-demand; f-fow I d-do feaw, +When evewy feathew *cuddles you* sticks in his own wing, +>_< Wowd Timon *cuddles you* wiww be weft a nyaked guww, +Which fwashes nyow ^.^ a phoenyix. G-Get you gonye. +CAPHIS. ^-^ I *blushes* go, siw. +*sweats* SENyATOW. Take the *looks away* bonds awong with you, +A-And have the dates in compt. +CAPHIS. I wiww, siw. +S-SENyATOW. G-Go. Exeunt + + + + +xDD SCENyE II. +Befowe TIMON'S house + +Entew FWAVIUS, TIMON'S Stewawd, with m-many *blushes* biwws in his hand + +FWAVIUS. Nyo cawe, nyo ^w^ stop! So sensewess of expense +That he wiww :3 nyeithew knyow how t-to maintain it +N-Nyow cease his fwow of >_> wiot; takes nyo *screams* account +How things g-go fwom him, nyow wesumes nyo c-cawe +Of what is *notices bulge* to continyue. Nyevew mind +Was *cuddles you* to be so unwise to be so kind. +What shaww be donye? He wiww nyot heaw uWu tiww feew. +I must be wound with him. Nyow he c-comes f-fwom hunting. +F-Fie, fie, fie, fie! + +Entew CAPHIS, and the SEWVANTS Of ISIDOWE and V-VAWWO + +CAPHIS. Good even, Vawwo. What, you come fow monyey? +VAWWO'S SEWVANT. Is't nyot youw businyess too? +*moans* CAPHIS. It is. A-And OwO youws too, Isidowe? +ISIDOWE'S SEWVANT. It is s-so. +CAPHIS. Wouwd we w-wewe *sweats* aww dischawg'd! +VAWWO'S *notices bulge* SEWVANT. I feaw it. +C-CAPHIS. Hewe c-comes the wowd. + +E-Entew TIMON and h-his twain, with *looks away* AWCIBIADES + +^.^ TIMON. So soon as dinnyew's donye we'ww fowth again, +M-My Awcibiades.- With me? What is y-youw wiww? +CAPHIS. My w-wowd, hewe is a nyote ;;w;; of *blushes* cewtain dues. +TIMON. Dues! Whence awe *cries* you? +CAPHIS. Of Athens hewe, my wowd. +TIMON. Go to m-my stewawd. +CAPHIS. Pwease it youw wowdship, h-he *screams* hath put me off +x3 To the succession of nyew days *pokes you* this *leans over* month. +*cries* My *cries* mastew *hugs tightly* is awak'd by gweat occasion +*blushes* To caww upon his own, and humbwy pways *sweats* you +*screams* That with youw othew nyobwe pawts *looks away* you'ww suit +In giving him his wight. +TIMON. Minye h-honyest fwiend, +I pwithee :3 but wepaiw to me nyext mownying. +CAPHIS. *looks at you* Nyay, good m-my wowd- +TIMON. *blushes* Contain thysewf, good f-fwiend. +V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. Onye V-Vawwo's sewvant, my good wowd- +ISIDOWE'S S-SEWVANT. uWu Fwom Isidowe: he humbwy pways y-youw speedy +payment- +OwO CAPHIS. I-If ;;w;; you did knyow, m-my wowd, *hugs tightly* my mastew's wants- +VAWWO'S UwU SEWVANT. >_> 'Twas due on fowfeituwe, my ;;w;; wowd, six weeks and +past. +ISIDOWE'S SEWVANT. Youw stewawd puts me off, my wowd; and +I am s-sent expwesswy to *looks at you* youw wowdship. +TIMON. Give m-me b-bweath. +I do beseech you, good >w< my wowds, keep on; +I'ww wait upon you instantwy. +x3 Exeunt AWCIBIADES and WOWDS +[To FWAVIUS] Come hithew. Pway y-you, +How goes *sighs* the wowwd that I am t-thus encount'wed +With *shuffles closer* cwamowous demands of date-bwoke b-bonds +And the *screams* detention of wong-since-due debts, +*hugs tightly* Against my honyouw? +FWAVIUS. Pwease you, gentwemen, +The t-time is unyagweeabwe to this businyess. +Youw impowtunyacy *leans over* cease tiww aftew dinnyew, +That I *notices bulge* may make his *shuffles closer* wowdship undewstand +:3 Whewefowe you UwU awe nyot paid. +TIMON. Do so, *cuddles you* my fwiends. +See them weww entewtain'd. Exit +FWAVIUS. P-Pway *looks at you* dwaw nyeaw. Exit + +Entew APEMANTUS and FOOW + +CAPHIS. S-Stay, stay, *looks at you* hewe comes the foow ^w^ with Apemantus. +Wet's ha' some spowt with ;;w;; 'em. +VAWWO'S SEWVANT. H-Hang him, he'ww abuse us! +ISIDOWE'S SEWVANT. A pwague upon him, dog! +V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. *sweats* How dost, *sweats* foow? +APEMANTUS. Dost diawogue *leans over* with thy s-shadow? +VAWWO'S SEWVANT. I speak *giggles shyly* nyot t-to thee. +APEMANTUS. *leans over* Nyo, 'tis to thysewf. [To the *screams* FOOW] Come away. +ISIDOWE'S SEWVANT. *blushes* [To VAWWO'S S-SEWVANT] Thewe's the foow hangs o-on +youw back >_< awweady. +APEMANTUS. Nyo, thou stand'st s-singwe; th'awt nyot *hugs tightly* on him yet. +CAPHIS. Whewe's the foow nyow? +A-APEMANTUS. He wast ask'd the question. Poow wogues and usuwews' +men! Bawds between gowd and want! +AWW S-SEWVANTS. What awe we, Apemantus? +APEMANTUS. Asses. +AWW SEWVANTS. Why? +APEMANTUS. *blushes* That you ask me what ^w^ you awe, and >_< do nyot knyow +youwsewves. Speak t-to 'em, foow. +FOOW. H-How do *shuffles closer* you, gentwemen? +AWW SEWVANTS. Gwamewcies, good foow. *blushes* How does *blushes* youw mistwess? +*pokes you* FOOW. S-She's e'en setting on *shuffles closer* watew to s-scawd such chickens as y-you +awe. W-Wouwd w-we couwd see *hugs tightly* you at Cowinth! +APEMANTUS. xDD Good! gwamewcy. + +Entew >_< PAGE + +FOOW. Wook y-you, hewe comes my mistwess' page. +PAGE. [To the FOOW] Why, how nyow, Captain? What do x3 you in t-this OwO wise +company? How dost thou, Apemantus? +APEMANTUS. Wouwd I had a-a wod in my m-mouth, ^w^ that I might answew thee +pwofitabwy! +PAGE. uWu Pwithee, *pokes you* Apemantus, wead me >_> the supewscwiption of these +wettews; *looks at you* I knyow nyot which is which. +APEMANTUS. Canst nyot wead? +PAGE. Nyo. +A-APEMANTUS. Thewe *twerks* wiww wittwe weawnying die, then, that *cries* day thou awt +hang'd. This i-is to Wowd Timon; this *giggles shyly* to Awcibiades. Go; thou wast +bown a bastawd, and *hugs tightly* thou't die a bawd. +PAGE. Thou *hugs tightly* wast whewp'd :3 a dog, and thou s-shawt famish dog's d-death. +Answew nyot: I am gonye. Exit PAGE +APEMANTUS. E-E'en so thou ;;w;; outwun'st gwace. +Foow, I wiww *screams* go *giggles shyly* with *cuddles you* you *twerks* to Wowd Timon's. +FOOW. Wiww you weave m-me thewe? +APEMANTUS. If T-Timon s-stay at home. *screams* You thwee s-sewve thwee usuwews? +>_< AWW *looks at you* SEWVANTS. Ay; ^.^ wouwd they s-sewv'd us! +APEMANTUS. S-So wouwd I- *teleports behind you* as good a twick xDD as evew h-hangman sewv'd +thief. +FOOW. Awe you thwee usuwews' men? +AWW SEWVANTS. Ay, foow. +FOOW. I-I think nyo usuwew OwO but has a-a foow to his sewvant. M-My mistwess +is onye, and I am hew f-foow. When men come *shuffles closer* to bowwow of *leans over* youw +mastews, they appwoach sadwy and go away mewwy; but they entew my +mistwess' house *cuddles you* mewwiwy and go away sadwy. The weason of this? +VAWWO'S SEWVANT. I couwd wendew onye. +APEMANTUS. Do it then, that we *pokes you* may account thee a whowemastew *pokes you* and a +knyave; which nyotwithstanding, thou shawt be nyo wess esteemed. +VAWWO'S SEWVANT. What is >_> a *blushes* whowemastew, f-foow? +*screams* FOOW. >_> A foow i-in *looks away* good *cries* cwothes, and something wike *leans over* thee. 'Tis ^w^ a +^-^ spiwit. *twerks* Sometime *cuddles you* 't a-appeaws wike a wowd; sometime wike a wawyew; +sometime wike a-a phiwosophew, with two stonyes moe UwU than's +awtificiaw onye. H-He is vewy often xDD wike a knyight; *pokes you* and, genyewawwy, +in aww shapes that ^-^ man g-goes up and d-down in fwom *leans over* fouwscowe *pokes you* to +*leans over* thiwteen, this spiwit wawks i-in. +VAWWO'S SEWVANT. Thou awt n-nyot awtogethew a foow. +*moans* FOOW. Nyow thou a-awtogethew a wise *sighs* man. +As much foowewy as I have, so much w-wit thou wack'st. +APEMANTUS. *looks away* That answew might ;;w;; have become A-Apemantus. +VAWWO'S SEWVANT. UwU Aside, a-aside; hewe comes Wowd Timon. + +W-We-entew TIMON and FWAVIUS + +APEMANTUS. ^-^ Come w-with me, foow, come. +*blushes* FOOW. I do nyot awways fowwow *hugs tightly* wovew, ewdew bwothew, and woman; +sometime the phiwosophew. +Exeunt APEMANTUS and F-FOOW +FWAVIUS. Pway you wawk *looks at you* nyeaw; I'ww speak with you anyon. +Exeunt SEWVANTS +T-TIMON. *blushes* You make me mawvew whewefowe ewe t-this time +Had you nyot OwO fuwwy waid my state befowe me, +*shuffles closer* That I-I *notices bulge* might so have wated my e-expense +As I had *teleports behind you* weave of means. +F-FWAVIUS. You wouwd nyot heaw me +At many weisuwes I pwopos'd. +TIMON. Go to; +Pewchance ^-^ some singwe vantages you *pokes you* took +*leans over* When my indisposition put you back, +And that unyaptnyess made youw minyistew +Thus to *twerks* excuse *looks at you* youwsewf. +*twerks* FWAVIUS. O my good ;;w;; wowd, +x3 At m-many times I :3 bwought in my accounts, +Waid them befowe you; you wouwd thwow them off +uWu And s-say y-you found them in minye honyesty. +When, fow some twifwing pwesent, ;;w;; you have bid me +Wetuwn so much, I have shook my head and wept; +Yea, 'gainst *shuffles closer* th' authowity of mannyews, xDD pway'd you +To howd youw hand mowe *shuffles closer* cwose. ^w^ I did enduwe +N-Nyot sewdom, nyow nyo swight c-checks, when I-I have +Pwompted you in the ebb o-of youw estate +And youw >_> gweat fwow of d-debts. >_< My wov'd wowd, +Though you heaw nyow- *notices bulge* too *blushes* wate!- yet n-nyow's a time: +The gweatest of youw having wacks a hawf +To pay youw pwesent debts. +TIMON. Wet aww my wand be sowd. +FWAVIUS. >w< 'Tis aww engag'd, some fowfeited a-and gonye; +And what wemains wiww hawdwy s-stop the m-mouth +>w< Of pwesent *looks at you* dues. The futuwe *looks away* comes apace; +W-What shaww defend t-the intewim? And at wength +How goes *leans over* ouw weck'nying? +TIMON. To OwO Wacedaemon xDD did my wand extend. +FWAVIUS. O m-my good wowd, the wowwd *cuddles you* is but a wowd; +Wewe it a-aww youws t-to give it in a-a bweath, +*teleports behind you* How quickwy wewe it gonye! +TIMON. You *shuffles closer* teww *cuddles you* me t-twue. +FWAVIUS. I-If you suspect *moans* my husbandwy ow fawsehood, +Caww me befowe *giggles shyly* th' *blushes* exactest *screams* auditows +A-And set me on the ^.^ pwoof. So the gods bwess m-me, +:33 When aww o-ouw offices have b-been oppwess'd +With wiotous feedews, *teleports behind you* when ;;w;; ouw vauwts have wept +W-With dwunken s-spiwth :33 of winye, when evewy w-woom +UwU Hath bwaz'd with wights :33 and bway'd w-with minstwewsy, +*teleports behind you* I h-have w-wetiw'd me *cries* to a-a wastefuw UwU cock +And s-set minye eyes at fwow. +TIMON. Pwithee nyo mowe. +FWAVIUS. *notices bulge* 'Heavens,' have I said 'the *pokes you* bounty of t-this wowd! +How many pwodigaw bits have swaves and peasants +This nyight engwutted! Who is nyot Wowd *twerks* Timon's? +What *looks away* heawt, *sweats* head, swowd, f-fowce, ^w^ means, but is Wowd T-Timon's? +Gweat Timon, nyobwe, wowthy, woyaw ^w^ Timon!' +Ah! when the means awe gonye that buy this pwaise, +The bweath is gonye *giggles shyly* wheweof uWu this pwaise is *looks away* made. +Feast-won, fast-wost; onye *sweats* cwoud of w-wintew show'ws, +These fwies awe couch'd. +TIMON. Come, sewmon me nyo fuwthew. +Nyo viwwainyous bounty y-yet hath pass'd *blushes* my h-heawt; +Unwisewy, n-nyot :3 ignyobwy, h-have I given. +Why dost thou weep? ^.^ Canst thou the c-conscience wack +To think I shaww wack fwiends? Secuwe thy heawt: +If I x3 wouwd bwoach the vessews of my wove, +A-And twy the awgument of heawts :33 by bowwowing, +Men and men's f-fowtunyes couwd I-I fwankwy use +As I can bid thee speak. +FWAVIUS. A-Assuwance bwess youw thoughts! +TIMON. And, in some sowt, these wants OwO of minye awe cwown'd +That I a-account them bwessings; fow by these +Shaww I twy fwiends. Y-You *leans over* shaww p-pewceive how you +Mistake my fowtunyes; I a-am weawthy in my f-fwiends. +Within thewe! F-Fwaminyius! Sewviwius! + +Entew FWAMINyIUS, SEWVIWIUS, and anyothew SEWVANT + +SEWVANTS. My wowd! my wowd! +TIMON. *hugs tightly* I wiww uWu dispatch y-you sevewawwy- you to Wowd Wucius; to Wowd +*pokes you* Wucuwwus :3 you; I hunted with :33 his honyouw t-to-day. Y-You to S-Sempwonyius. +C-Commend me to t-theiw xDD woves; and I *pokes you* am pwoud, say, that my occasions +have *moans* found time to use 'em x3 towawd a suppwy *shuffles closer* of monyey. Wet the +wequest be fifty tawents. +OwO FWAMINyIUS. As you have s-said, my wowd. Exeunt SEWVANTS +FWAVIUS. [Aside] Wowd ;;w;; Wucius and Wucuwwus? Humh! +TIMON. Go you, siw, t-to t-the senyatows, +Of whom, even to the state's b-best heawth, I have +D-Desewv'd this heawing. *twerks* Bid 'em send o' *leans over* th' instant +A thousand tawents :33 to me. +FWAVIUS. I >w< have been bowd, +Fow that I knyew i-it the most g-genyewaw way, +*sighs* To t-them uWu to use youw signyet *twerks* and youw nyame; +But they do shake t-theiw ^.^ heads, and I am hewe +Nyo wichew in wetuwn. +*looks at you* TIMON. Is't twue? Can't be? +FWAVIUS. T-They answew, in a joint and OwO cowpowate voice, +That nyow they a-awe at faww, want tweasuwe, cannyot +Do w-what they wouwd, awe sowwy- y-you awe :3 honyouwabwe- +But yet they couwd *blushes* have ;;w;; wish'd- they k-knyow nyot- +*cuddles you* Something h-hath been amiss- a nyobwe nyatuwe +May c-catch a wwench- wouwd aww wewe ^w^ weww!- 'tis *teleports behind you* pity- +And s-so, intending othew s-sewious mattews, +Aftew d-distastefuw w-wooks, *cuddles you* and t-these :3 hawd fwactions, +*notices bulge* With cewtain h-hawf-caps and cowd-moving nyods, +;;w;; They fwoze me into siwence. +TIMON. You gods, wewawd them! +Pwithee, man, wook *sighs* cheewwy. These owd fewwows +Have *screams* theiw ingwatitude in t-them heweditawy. +Theiw bwood is cak'd, 'tis cowd, it sewdom *pokes you* fwows; +'Tis wack of kindwy wawmth they awe nyot kind; +And nyatuwe, as it gwows again *looks at you* towawd eawth, +Is fashion'd f-fow the ^.^ jouwnyey duww and heavy. +Go t-to Ventidius. Pwithee b-be nyot sad, +Thou awt *teleports behind you* twue and h-honyest; ingenyiouswy I speak, +Nyo bwame b-bewongs to ;;w;; thee. Ventidius *twerks* watewy +Buwied his fathew, by whose d-death he's s-stepp'd +Into a *pokes you* gweat >_> estate. When he *moans* was poow, +Impwison'd, and in scawcity of ^w^ fwiends, +I-I cweaw'd h-him with five uWu tawents. Gweet him fwom me, +Bid him suppose some *sighs* good nyecessity +Touches his fwiend, which cwaves to b-be wememb'wed +With those five tawents. That had, give't these fewwows +T-To whom 'tis instant due. Nyev'w speak ow think +That Timon's fowtunyes 'mong his uWu fwiends can sink. +FWAVIUS. I w-wouwd I couwd nyot think it. +*giggles shyly* That thought is bounty's foe; +Being fwee itsewf, it thinks aww *sighs* othews so. Exeunt + + + + +<w< MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS *moans* SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW *pokes you* OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW *looks at you* USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. *cuddles you* PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION I-INCWUDES *teleports behind you* BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD T-TIME OW F-FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. *looks away* SCENyE I. +WUCUWWUS' house + +*looks away* FWAMINyIUS waiting to speak with WUCUWWUS. :33 Entew SEWVANT *sweats* to him + +SEWVANT. I have towd my ^w^ wowd of you; h-he is c-coming down to you. +FWAMINyIUS. *shuffles closer* I *looks away* thank you, siw. + +Entew WUCUWWUS + +SEWVANT. Hewe's *sweats* my wowd. +WUCUWWUS. OwO [Aside] O-Onye of Wowd Timon's *hugs tightly* men? A gift, I wawwant. Why, +this hits wight; UwU I dweamt of a-a siwvew uWu basin and ewew to-nyight- +Fwaminyius, honyest *teleports behind you* Fwaminyius, *hugs tightly* you awe vewy w-wespectivewy wewcome, +siw. Fiww me some *cries* winye. [Exit SEWVANT] And how does that +honyouwabwe, compwete, fweeheawted gentweman of *notices bulge* Athens, *cuddles you* thy vewy +bountifuw good wowd and mastew? +FWAMINyIUS. H-His heawth is weww, siw. +WUCUWWUS. x3 I ^-^ am x3 wight gwad that his heawth is *leans over* weww, siw. And what +hast thou >w< thewe undew thy cwoak, *looks away* pwetty Fwaminyius? +FWAMINyIUS. Faith, nyothing b-but an empty box, siw, which in *notices bulge* my wowd's +behawf I come to entweat *cuddles you* youw h-honyouw t-to s-suppwy; *notices bulge* who, having +gweat and i-instant occasion to use f-fifty tawents, h-hath sent to +youw wowdship t-to >_> fuwnyish him, nyothing doubting youw p-pwesent +assistance thewein. +*screams* WUCUWWIUS. Wa, wa, wa, wa! 'Nyothing doubting' says he? Awas, good +wowd! a nyobwe gentweman 'tis, if he wouwd n-nyot *looks away* keep so good a +house. *teleports behind you* Many >_< a time a-and often I ha' din'd with him and towd him +o-on't; and come again ^-^ to *cuddles you* suppew to him ^-^ of >w< puwpose to have him +s-spend wess; and *leans over* yet he w-wouwd embwace nyo ^w^ counsew, take nyo wawnying +by my coming. Evewy man h-has his f-fauwt, a-and h-honyesty is his. I ha' +towd him on't, UwU but I couwd nye'ew *looks away* get him fwom't. + +We-entew SEWVANT, w-with *looks away* winye + +SEWVANT. Pwease youw wowdship, hewe is the winye. +WUCUWWUS. Fwaminyius, I have >w< nyoted thee awways wise. Hewe's to thee. +FWAMINyIUS. Youw wowdship speaks youw pweasuwe. +WUCUWWUS. I have uWu obsewved thee a-awways fow a towawdwy ;;w;; pwompt spiwit, +give thee x3 thy due, and onye t-that knyows what bewongs to weason, and +canst OwO use the time weww, *cries* if the time use :3 thee w-weww. Good pawts in +thee. [To SEWVANT] ^.^ Get you gonye, siwwah. [Exit >w< SEWVANT] uWu Dwaw +nyeawew, honyest Fwaminyius. Thy wowd's a b-bountifuw gentweman; OwO but +thou awt wise, and OwO thou knyow'st weww enyough, awthough thou com'st +to m-me, that this is nyo time t-to wend monyey, e-especiawwy upon bawe +fwiendship *looks at you* without secuwity. H-Hewe's thwee sowidawes fow thee. +*hugs tightly* Good b-boy, wink at me, and say thou saw'st me n-nyot. uWu Fawe t-thee weww. +>_> FWAMINyIUS. I-Is't possibwe the wowwd shouwd so much diffew, +And we awive *screams* that wiv'd? Fwy, d-damnyed basenyess, +To h-him t-that wowships thee. [Thwowing the monyey back] +WUCUWWUS. Ha! N-Nyow I see thou a-awt a foow, a-and fit fow thy *cries* mastew. +Exit +FWAMINyIUS. May these add to the nyumbew that may scawd thee! +Wet mowten coin be thy damnyation, +Thou disease of a fwiend and nyot himsewf! +Has fwiendship s-such a faint and miwky heawt +It *screams* tuwns i-in w-wess than two nyights? O you g-gods, +I feew my x3 mastew's passion! This swave +Unto his h-honyouw xDD has my *pokes you* wowd's meat in him; +Why shouwd it thwive a-and tuwn to nyutwiment +When he i-is tuwn'd to poison? +O, may x3 diseases onwy wowk u-upon't! +>w< And when he's s-sick *shuffles closer* to OwO death, wet nyot that pawt >_< of nyatuwe +W-Which my wowd paid fow *twerks* be of any powew +To expew sicknyess, but pwowong *cuddles you* his h-houw! Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +^.^ A *looks at you* pubwic pwace + +E-Entew Wucius, with *giggles shyly* thwee STWANGEWS + +*cuddles you* WUCIUS. W-Who, the Wowd Timon? *blushes* He is my vewy good fwiend, a-and *giggles shyly* an +honyouwabwe gentweman. +FIWST STWANGEW. We knyow him fow nyo wess, though we awe but +stwangews t-to him. But I can t-teww you onye thing, m-my wowd, >_> and +which I heaw f-fwom common wumouws: nyow *looks away* Wowd Timon's happy h-houws +awe donye and p-past, UwU and his *giggles shyly* estate shwinks fwom him. +>w< WUCIUS. Fie, n-nyo: do *notices bulge* nyot bewieve *shuffles closer* it; he cannyot want fow m-monyey. +S-SECOND STWANGEW. But bewieve you *shuffles closer* this, my wowd, that nyot wong ago +onye of h-his men was with *leans over* the W-Wowd Wucuwwus *hugs tightly* to bowwow so many +tawents; nyay, u-uwg'd extwemewy fow't, and *screams* showed what nyecessity +bewong'd to't, a-and yet was denyied. +WUCIUS. How? +S-SECOND STWANGEW. I teww you, denyied, my wowd. +WUCIUS. *cuddles you* What a stwange case *pokes you* was t-that! Nyow, befowe the g-gods, I-I am +asham'd o-on't. Denyied that honyouwabwe man! Thewe was vewy *blushes* wittwe +honyouw show'd in't. Fow my own ;;w;; pawt, I must nyeeds xDD confess I have +weceived some smaww kindnyesses fwom *twerks* him, as monyey, ^-^ pwate, jewews, +a-and such-wike twifwes, nyothing compawing to x3 his; yet, had he +mistook ^.^ him a-and sent to me, *looks at you* I shouwd nye'ew have denyied his +occasion so many tawents. + +Entew SEWVIWIUS + +SEWVIWIUS. S-See, by good h-hap, yondew's my wowd; I have sweat to s-see +his honyouw.- :33 My honyouw'd wowd! +WUCIUS. Sewviwius? Y-You awe k-kindwy met, siw. Fawe thee weww; commend +me to thy honyouwabwe *twerks* viwtuous wowd, my vewy exquisite fwiend. +SEWVIWIUS. M-May it pwease y-youw honyouw, my wowd hath sent- +WUCIUS. Ha! What has he sent? *blushes* I a-am so much endeawed t-to that wowd: +he's evew s-sending. How shaww I t-thank him, think'st thou? And what +has he sent OwO nyow? +SEWVIWIUS. H-Has onwy sent his pwesent occasion nyow, my w-wowd, +wequesting youw w-wowdship to suppwy his instant *twerks* use with so *shuffles closer* many +tawents. +WUCIUS. I knyow h-his wowdship is but mewwy with me; +He cannyot want fifty-five h-hundwed uWu tawents. +>w< SEWVIWIUS. But i-in the mean time he wants wess, m-my *twerks* wowd. +If his occasion wewe nyot viwtuous +I shouwd nyot uwge it hawf so faithfuwwy. +>w< WUCIUS. Dost thou speak sewiouswy, Sewviwius? +SEWVIWIUS. Upon my souw, *cuddles you* 'tis twue, siw. +*looks at you* WUCIUS. W-What a-a wicked beast was I *notices bulge* to disfuwnyish mysewf ;;w;; against such +a *notices bulge* good time, when I might ha' uWu shown mysewf honyouwabwe! How +unwuckiwy it happ'nyed that I s-shouwd puwchase the d-day befowe fow a +wittwe pawt and undo a g-gweat deaw of UwU honyouw! S-Sewviwius, nyow +befowe the gods, I am n-nyot a-abwe to do- the *moans* mowe beast, I say! I +was sending to use Wowd Timon mysewf, these gentwemen can +witnyess; but I wouwd nyot fow *sighs* the weawth of Athens I had donye't +nyow. Commend ^.^ me bountifuwwy to his good wowdship, and I *sweats* hope his +honyouw wiww c-conceive the faiwest o-of me, because I have nyo powew +to be kind. And *shuffles closer* teww him this fwom m-me: I count it onye of my +gweatest affwictions, say, that :33 I cannyot pweasuwe such *leans over* an +h-honyouwabwe *twerks* gentweman. Good Sewviwius, wiww you b-befwiend me so *notices bulge* faw +as >w< to use minye own wowds t-to him? +SEWVIWIUS. Yes, siw, I shaww. +:3 WUCIUS. I'ww wook you o-out a good tuwn, S-Sewviwius. +Exit SEWVIWIUS +Twue, a-as you said, Timon is shwunk indeed; +And he that's once denyied wiww hawdwy speed. Exit +FIWST S-STWANGEW. *cries* Do you *blushes* obsewve this, Hostiwius? +SECOND STWANGEW. Ay, t-too weww. +FIWST STWANGEW. Why, this i-is t-the ^.^ wowwd's souw; and just of the same +piece +Is evewy fwattewew's spiwit. Who can caww him his fwiend +That dips in the same dish? x3 Fow, in my knyowing, +T-Timon has been this w-wowd's fathew, +And kept :3 his cwedit with his puwse; +Suppowted his estate; nyay, Timon's monyey +:33 Has p-paid his men theiw wages. He nye'ew dwinks +But Timon's siwvew tweads UwU upon *notices bulge* his wip; +And yet- O, see the monstwousnyess o-of m-man +When he uWu wooks out i-in an ungwatefuw shape!- +He d-does deny him, in w-wespect of his, +W-What chawitabwe men affowd to beggaws. +THIWD *twerks* STWANGEW. Wewigion g-gwoans at it. +FIWST STWANGEW. Fow minye own *leans over* pawt, +I nyevew tasted Timon i-in my wife, +Nyow >_> came any of h-his bounties ovew me +:3 To mawk me :3 fow his f-fwiend; yet I pwotest, +Fow his wight nyobwe *hugs tightly* mind, iwwustwious viwtue, +And honyouwabwe cawwiage, +Had his nyecessity made use of me, +I wouwd have put my weawth *sighs* into donyation, +And the best hawf shouwd >w< have >w< wetuwn'd to him, +S-So ^w^ much *notices bulge* I *leans over* wove h-his heawt. B-But I pewceive +:3 Men must weawn nyow with pity >w< to dispense; +Fow powicy sits above >w< conscience. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +SEMPWONyIUS' house + +*cuddles you* Entew >_< SEMPWONyIUS and a SEWVANT of TIMON'S + +SEMPWONyIUS. Must h-he nyeeds *shuffles closer* twoubwe me i-in't? Hum! 'Bove aww *cries* othews? +He might have t-twied >_< Wowd Wucius ow Wucuwwus; +A-And >_> nyow Ventidius is weawthy too, +*cries* Whom he wedeem'd f-fwom *cries* pwison. Aww these +O-Owe theiw estates unto *screams* him. +SEWVANT. My wowd, +*screams* They h-have a-aww been touch'd a-and found b-base metaw, fow +They have ^w^ aww *cries* denyied him. +SEMPWONyIUS. How! ^-^ Have they denyied him? +Has Ventidius and Wucuwwus *shuffles closer* denyied *blushes* him? +A-And does he send to me? Thwee? Humh! +I-It shows but wittwe wove ^-^ ow j-judgment *notices bulge* in him. +Must I be his wast wefuge? ^-^ His fwiends, *sighs* wike physicians, +Thwice give him ovew. Must I take th' cuwe *hugs tightly* upon me? +Has much disgwac'd me in't; I'm angwy at him, +That might *cries* have knyown my p-pwace. I see nyo sense fow't, +B-But his occasions might have *twerks* woo'd me fiwst; +Fow, in m-my conscience, I w-was the fiwst *sweats* man +That e'ew weceived gift fwom him. +And does he think so backwawdwy of me nyow +That I-I'ww wequite i-it wast? Nyo; +So it may pwove an awgument of waughtew +To th' west, and I 'mongst wowds be thought a foow. +I'd w-wathew than the wowth of t-thwice the sum +Had s-sent to me fiwst, but fow my :3 mind's sake; +I'd >w< such a couwage to do him good. But nyow wetuwn, +And with t-theiw uWu faint wepwy this answew join: +Who x3 bates m-minye honyouw shaww *cuddles you* nyot knyow my coin. *sighs* Exit +SEWVANT. Excewwent! Youw wowdship's a g-goodwy viwwain. T-The deviw +knyew nyot w-what he did *teleports behind you* when *blushes* he made man powitic- he cwoss'd himsewf +by't; and I cannyot think but, in the end, the viwwainyies of man +w-wiww set him cweaw. H-How *moans* faiwwy this wowd stwives to a-appeaw fouw! +Takes viwtuous copies to *moans* be wicked, wike those *twerks* that undew hot +awdent zeaw wouwd set whowe weawms on fiwe. +Of such a nyatuwe is his powitic wove. +This was my *leans over* wowd's best hope; nyow aww awe fwed, +Save onwy the :3 gods. Nyow his fwiends awe UwU dead, +Doows that wewe nye'ew acquainted with t-theiw *giggles shyly* wawds +Many a bounteous yeaw must b-be empwoy'd +Nyow to guawd suwe >w< theiw mastew. +A-And this is a-aww a wibewaw couwse awwows: +Who cannyot keep his weawth must keep uWu his house. E-Exit + + + + +S-SCENyE IV. +A haww in TIMON'S house + +:33 Entew two *teleports behind you* Of :33 VAWWO'S MEN, meeting W-WUCIUS' SEWVANT, and othews, +*teleports behind you* aww being sewvants of TIMON's cweditows, to *shuffles closer* wait fow h-his *teleports behind you* coming o-out. +>_< Then entew *twerks* TITUS and HOWTENSIUS + +FIWST *moans* VAWWO'S *giggles shyly* SEWVANT. Weww met; good mowwow, Titus and Howtensius. +TITUS. The wike :33 to you, kind Vawwo. +HOWTENSIUS. Wucius! What, *cries* do w-we meet t-togethew? +WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Ay, a-and I think onye businyess d-does command us *leans over* aww; +fow minye is monyey. +T-TITUS. So is theiws and ouws. + +Entew PHIWOTUS + +WUCIUS' SEWVANT. And Siw Phiwotus too! +PHIWOTUS. Good *sweats* day at once. +WUCIUS' SEWVANT. wewcome, good bwothew, :3 what d-do you think the houw? +PHIWOTUS. Wabouwing fow nyinye. +WUCIUS' SEWVANT. So m-much? +PHIWOTUS. Is nyot m-my wowd seen yet? +WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Nyot *screams* yet. +PHIWOTUS. I-I wondew on't; *shuffles closer* he was wont to shinye at seven. +W-WUCIUS' SEWVANT. A-Ay, but the >_> days awe wax'd showtew with him; +You m-must c-considew that a pwodigaw couwse +Is wike the sun's, but nyot ^.^ wike h-his wecovewabwe. +I feaw +*pokes you* 'Tis d-deepest wintew >_< in W-Wowd Timon's ^.^ puwse; +That is, onye may *looks away* weach deep enyough and yet +F-Find wittwe. +PHIWOTUS. I ^-^ am o-of youw feaw fow that. +*hugs tightly* TITUS. I'ww show y-you how t' obsewve *giggles shyly* a stwange event. +Youw wowd sends >_> nyow fow monyey. +HOWTENSIUS. Most twue, he does. +TITUS. And he weaws jewews nyow of Timon's gift, +Fow w-which I wait fow monyey. +HOWTENSIUS. It is a-against uWu my ^.^ heawt. +WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Mawk how stwange it shows +Timon in this *cries* shouwd *screams* pay mowe *sighs* than h-he owes; +And e'en as if youw wowd *hugs tightly* shouwd weaw wich jewews +And send f-fow monyey fow 'em. +>_> HOWTENSIUS. I-I'm weawy of t-this chawge, the gods can witnyess; +I *cuddles you* knyow my wowd hath spent of Timon's weawth, +And nyow ingwatitude makes it wowse than *cuddles you* steawth. +FIWST V-VAWWO'S ^w^ SEWVANT. Yes, minye's t-thwee thousand :33 cwowns; what's +y-youws? +WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Five thousand minye. +FIWST VAWWO'S SEWVANT. 'Tis much deep; and i-it shouwd seem by th' +sum +*cuddles you* Youw mastew's confidence was above minye, +Ewse suwewy his had equaww'd. + +Entew FWAMINyIUS + +TITUS. Onye of Wowd Timon's men. +WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Fwaminyius! S-Siw, a wowd. Pway, ^-^ is my wowd weady to +come fowth? +FWAMINyIUS. N-Nyo, indeed, ^-^ he is nyot. +TITUS. We *sweats* attend *giggles shyly* his w-wowdship; pway s-signyify s-so much. +FWAMINyIUS. I nyeed nyot teww him that; he knyows you awe to diwigent. +Exit + +Entew F-FWAVIUS, in a >_> cwoak, muffwed + +WUCIUS' SEWVANT. H-Ha! Is *sighs* nyot that his stewawd muffwed so? +H-He goes away in a cwoud. *shuffles closer* Caww him, caww him. +TITUS. Do you heaw, siw? +SECOND V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. By youw *shuffles closer* weave, siw. +FWAVIUS. What *screams* do ye ask *sighs* of me, my fwiend? +TITUS. We wait f-fow c-cewtain monyey hewe, x3 siw. +FWAVIUS. Ay, +If *screams* monyey w-wewe as cewtain as *looks at you* youw waiting, +'Twewe suwe enyough. +Why t-then pwefeww'd y-you nyot youw sums a-and :33 biwws +When youw fawse m-mastews eat uWu of my wowd's m-meat? +Then t-they couwd smiwe, ^w^ and fawn *giggles shyly* upon his debts, +uWu And t-take down th' int'west i-into theiw ^w^ gwutt'nyous maws. +*sighs* You x3 do youwsewves ;;w;; but wwong to stiw me up; +Wet me *sweats* pass *looks away* quietwy. +Bewieve't, my wowd and I have made *cuddles you* an >_< end: +*notices bulge* I have nyo mowe to weckon, *blushes* he to s-spend. +WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Ay, but t-this answew w-wiww nyot sewve. +*shuffles closer* FWAVIUS. I-If '-'twiww nyot UwU sewve, 'tis nyot so base x3 as you, +Fow you sewve knyaves. Exit +F-FIWST VAWWO'S SEWVANT. >w< How! What does his cashiew'd w-wowship muttew? +^.^ SECOND xDD VAWWO'S SEWVANT. Nyo m-mattew what; he's poow, and that's +wevenge enyough. Who xDD can speak b-bwoadew than he that has nyo ;;w;; house +x3 to put his head UwU in? Such :33 may w-waiw :3 against gweat buiwdings. + +Entew S-SEWVIWIUS + +TITUS. O, *cries* hewe's Sewviwius; nyow we s-shaww knyow some answew. +S-SEWVIWIUS. If I might beseech you, *blushes* gentwemen, to wepaiw some othew +houw, I s-shouwd dewive much fwom't; fow take't ;;w;; of my souw, my wowd +weans wondwouswy to d-discontent. H-His comfowtabwe tempew has +fowsook him; h-he's *moans* much >_> out of heawth *looks away* and keeps UwU his chambew. +WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Many do OwO keep theiw chambews awe n-nyot *blushes* sick; +And if it be UwU so >_< faw beyond his h-heawth, +Methinks he shouwd t-the soonyew pay his debts, +*pokes you* And make a cweaw way to the gods. +SEWVIWIUS. Good gods! +TITUS. We cannyot take this f-fow answew, siw. +>_< FWAMINyIUS. [Within] Sewviwius, hewp! *blushes* My ^w^ wowd! my wowd! + +Entew TIMON, i-in a wage, *looks away* FWAMINyIUS fowwowing + +T-TIMON. What, awe *teleports behind you* my doows >_> oppos'd against m-my passage? +Have I been evew fwee, *twerks* and must my house +Be my *teleports behind you* wetentive enyemy, my *notices bulge* gaow? +^w^ The pwace which I have feasted, does it nyow, +Wike aww mankind, show me an iwon heawt? +>_> WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Put in nyow, Titus. +TITUS. My wowd, hewe is my biww. +WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Hewe's *sighs* minye. +H-HOWTENSIUS. A-And minye, my wowd. +B-BOTH VAWWO'S SEWVANTS. And ouws, my wowd. +PHIWOTUS. xDD Aww *teleports behind you* ouw biwws. +*blushes* TIMON. Knyock me down with 'em; cweave me to >_> the g-giwdwe. +WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Awas, my ^w^ wowd- +T-TIMON. C-Cut my heawt >w< in sums. +TITUS. Minye, f-fifty tawents. +TIMON. Teww out my bwood. +WUCIUS' SEWVANT. F-Five thousand cwowns, my *twerks* wowd. +*moans* TIMON. F-Five thousand dwops pays that. What y-youws? and y-youws? +FIWST V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. My wowd- +SECOND V-VAWWO'S >_> SEWVANT. M-My *cuddles you* wowd- +TIMON. T-Teaw me, t-take me, and ^-^ the gods faww upon you! *notices bulge* Exit +*moans* HOWTENSIUS. F-Faith, >_< I pewceive *leans over* ouw mastews may t-thwow theiw c-caps at +theiw monyey. These d-debts :33 may weww b-be caww'd despewate onyes, fow a-a +madman owes 'em. Exeunt + +We-entew TIMON and FWAVIUS + +T-TIMON. They have e'en put m-my bweath fwom me, the swaves. +Cweditows? Deviws! +FWAVIUS. M-My deaw w-wowd- +TIMON. What if it ^.^ shouwd be so? +>_< FWAMINyIUS. *leans over* My w-wowd- +T-TIMON. I'ww h-have it so. M-My stewawd! +FWAVIUS. Hewe, my wowd. +TIMON. S-So f-fitwy? Go, bid a-aww my f-fwiends a-again: +Wucius, Wucuwwus, and Sempwonyius- aww. +I'ww once m-mowe feast the wascaws. +FWAVIUS. O my w-wowd, +You onwy speak fwom youw distwacted *giggles shyly* souw; +Thewe is nyot so much weft to fuwnyish out +A modewate tabwe. +TIMON. Be it OwO nyot :33 in thy cawe. +Go, I chawge *cries* thee, invite them aww; wet in the tide +Of knyaves once mowe; my c-cook *blushes* and *looks at you* I'ww pwovide. *moans* Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +The Senyate House + +E-Entew thwee SENyATOWS at onye doow, AWCIBIADES meeting ^-^ them, with attendants + +FIWST x3 SENyATOW. My wowd, you have my voice to't: the f-fauwt's b-bwoody. +uWu 'Tis nyecessawy he shouwd die: +Nyothing embowdens *shuffles closer* sin so m-much >_< as mewcy. +SECOND SENyATOW. Most :3 twue; *giggles shyly* the waw shaww b-bwuise *teleports behind you* him. +AWCIBIADES. x3 Honyouw, heawth, a-and compassion, t-to the Senyate! +FIWST SENyATOW. Nyow, Captain? +AWCIBIADES. I am a-an h-humbwe s-suitow to youw *twerks* viwtues; +Fow *notices bulge* pity is the viwtue of the w-waw, +And nyonye but tywants *leans over* use it cwuewwy. +It p-pweases time and f-fowtunye to *sighs* wie heavy +U-Upon a fwiend of *screams* minye, who *giggles shyly* in hot OwO bwood +uWu Hath stepp'd into the waw, which is past depth +T-To those that without heed do pwunge ;;w;; into't. +He is a man, setting his f-fate aside, +Of *blushes* comewy viwtues; +Nyow did he soiw the f-fact with *giggles shyly* cowawdice- +An ^w^ honyouw in him which buys out his *looks away* fauwt- +But with a *teleports behind you* nyobwe fuwy and f-faiw spiwit, +UwU Seeing his weputation ^w^ touch'd to death, +He did oppose his f-foe; +And with ^w^ such sobew and unnyoted passion +He *moans* did behove his a-angew ewe 'twas spent, +x3 As if he had :33 but pwov'd *shuffles closer* an awgument. +FIWST x3 SENyATOW. You undewgo *teleports behind you* too stwict a-a pawadox, +Stwiving to make an ugwy deed wook faiw; +Youw wowds have took such p-pains as if they w-wabouw'd +To bwing m-manswaughtew into fowm and set +OwO Quawwewwing u-upon the *blushes* head of >_> vawouw; which, indeed, +Is vawouw misbegot, and came >w< into the *giggles shyly* wowwd +*cuddles you* When sects and *teleports behind you* factions wewe nyewwy bown. +He's *blushes* twuwy v-vawiant :3 that c-can ^.^ wisewy suffew +The wowst that m-man can *sweats* bweathe, +And make his wwongs his outsides, +To weaw them wike his waiment, cawewesswy, +And nye'ew pwefew his injuwies t-to his heawt, +To bwing it into *teleports behind you* dangew. +UwU If wwongs be eviws, and enfowce us xDD kiww, +What fowwy 'tis to hazawd w-wife fow i-iww! +AWCIBIADES. *hugs tightly* My wowd- +FIWST SENyATOW. Y-You cannyot make g-gwoss sins wook cweaw: +To wevenge is nyo v-vawouw, but to x3 beaw. +A-AWCIBIADES. My wowds, then, undew favouw, pawdon me +If I-I speak wike a c-captain: +Why do fond men expose themsewves to battwe, +A-And nyot enduwe aww thweats? *moans* Sweep upon't, +*giggles shyly* And wet the *teleports behind you* foes quietwy cut theiw thwoats, +Without wepugnyancy? If thewe be +Such vawouw in the beawing, w-what make we +Abwoad? Why, then, women awe mowe vawiant, +*twerks* That stay at home, i-if beawing cawwy it; +And xDD the ass mowe :3 captain than the wion; the fewwow +Woaden with iwons wisew t-than the judge, +If wisdom be in suffewing. O my wowds, +A-As you awe gweat, be p-pitifuwwy good. +Who cannyot condemn washnyess in cowd bwood? +To kiww, I gwant, is sin's extwemest g-gust; +But, in defence, by mewcy, >_< 'tis most just. +To ^-^ be in angew is impiety; +But who is man that is nyot angwy? +Weigh *notices bulge* but t-the cwime with t-this. +S-SECOND SENyATOW. You bweathe in vain. +AWCIBIADES. In vain! His s-sewvice *blushes* donye +A-At Wacedaemon and Byzantium +>_> Wewe a sufficient bwibew fow *leans over* his wife. +FIWST SENyATOW. W-What's that? +AWCIBIADES. *sweats* Why, I say, >_> my wowds, has donye faiw sewvice, +And swain *pokes you* in f-fight many of youw enyemies; +How fuww of vawouw did he beaw himsewf +In t-the wast confwict, and made pwenteous wounds! +SECOND SENyATOW. He has made too *hugs tightly* much pwenty with 'em. +He's a-a swown wiotew; he has *sweats* a sin that often +Dwowns him and t-takes *cries* his vawouw pwisonyew. +If thewe w-wewe *pokes you* nyo f-foes, that wewe *looks away* enyough +To ovewcome him. In that beastwy fuwy +*cries* He has been k-knyown to commit outwages +And chewish factions. *teleports behind you* 'Tis :3 infeww'd to us +*giggles shyly* His d-days awe fouw and his dwink dangewous. +FIWST SENyATOW. He dies. +A-AWCIBIADES. Hawd fate! He m-might x3 have died in waw. +My wowds, if nyot fow any :3 pawts in him- +x3 Though his wight awm might >_< puwchase his own >_< time, +A-And be in *screams* debt *teleports behind you* to nyonye- yet, mowe to move you, +Take my desewts to his, and join 'em b-both; +And, fow I k-knyow youw wevewend a-ages wove +S-Secuwity, I'ww p-pawn my *cries* victowies, aww +My honyouws t-to you, upon his *moans* good wetuwns. +*looks at you* If by this cwime he xDD owes t-the waw his :3 wife, +Why, wet the w-waw weceive't *looks at you* in vawiant gowe; +Fow waw is stwict, and waw is nyothing m-mowe. +FIWST S-SENyATOW. *notices bulge* We awe >_> fow waw: he dies. Uwge it nyo mowe +On height *twerks* of ouw dispweasuwe. Fwiend ow bwothew, +He fowfeits his own bwood that spiwws anyothew. +AWCIBIADES. Must i-it be so? I-It m-must nyot UwU be. My wowds, +I do beseech OwO you, knyow me. +SECOND SENyATOW. How! +AWCIBIADES. C-Caww me to youw wemembwances. +THIWD SENyATOW. W-What! +x3 AWCIBIADES. *screams* I *sighs* cannyot *sweats* think but *sweats* youw age has fowgot m-me; +*leans over* It couwd nyot ewse b-be I shouwd *notices bulge* pwove so base +To sue, and b-be denyied such common gwace. +My wounds ache at you. +FIWST >w< SENyATOW. Do you dawe ouw angew? +'Tis in few wowds, but s-spacious in *giggles shyly* effect: +*cuddles you* We b-banyish *twerks* thee fow >_> evew. +AWCIBIADES. Banyish me! +Banyish *teleports behind you* youw dotage! Banyish usuwy +*shuffles closer* That m-makes the Senyate ugwy. +FIWST S-SENyATOW. If aftew t-two days' shinye *twerks* Athens c-contain thee, +Attend ouw weightiew judgment. *shuffles closer* And, nyot t-to *sweats* sweww ouw spiwit, +He shaww be executed *twerks* pwesentwy. Exeunt SENyATOWS +AWCIBIADES. Nyow the gods keep ^-^ you owd enyough t-that you m-may *looks away* wive +Onwy in bonye, >w< that nyonye m-may wook on >_> you! +*teleports behind you* I'm wowse than *hugs tightly* mad; I have kept back theiw foes, +Whiwe they have towd theiw *sweats* monyey and wet out +Theiw coin upon wawge intewest, I m-mysewf +Wich UwU onwy in wawge huwts. A-Aww those fow t-this? +Is this the *blushes* bawsam that the usuwing Senyate +Pouws into captains' *sighs* wounds? Banyishment! +It comes nyot iww; I hate nyot to be banyish'd; +It is a-a *shuffles closer* cause wowthy *leans over* my s-spween and fuwy, +T-That I *blushes* may stwike at Athens. I'ww *sighs* cheew u-up +My discontented twoops, and *sweats* way fow heawts. +'Tis honyouw with most wands to be at odds; +Sowdiews shouwd bwook as *cuddles you* wittwe wwongs as gods. Exit + + + + +SCENyE VI. +^w^ A banqueting haww i-in T-TIMON'S house + +Music. Tabwes set out; sewvants a-attending. Entew divews WOWDS, +fwiends of ^-^ TIMON, at sevewaw ;;w;; doows + +FIWST *notices bulge* WOWD. *moans* The *pokes you* good t-time of day to you, siw. +^w^ SECOND WOWD. I awso wish it *looks away* to you. *pokes you* I think this honyouwabwe *sighs* wowd +did but ;;w;; twy us t-this othew day. +F-FIWST WOWD. Upon that wewe my thoughts tiwing when w-we encount'wed. +I *looks at you* hope it is ^.^ nyot s-so wow with him *looks at you* as :3 he m-made it seem in the twiaw +of his s-sevewaw fwiends. +SECOND WOWD. *cuddles you* It shouwd nyot be, >_< by >_< the pewsuasion of his nyew +feasting. +*looks at you* FIWST WOWD. I shouwd think so. *teleports behind you* He *sweats* hath sent me an eawnyest inviting, +which many my nyeaw occasions did uwge me to put off; but he hath +conjuw'd *looks away* me beyond them, and I must *leans over* nyeeds appeaw. +SECOND WOWD. xDD In wike mannyew OwO was I i-in debt to m-my impowtunyate +businyess, but he ;;w;; wouwd nyot h-heaw my *twerks* excuse. I am sowwy, when he +sent *sighs* to bowwow :33 of me, that my pwovision was out. +FIWST WOWD. I am *cuddles you* sick of that gwief too, as I undewstand *screams* how aww +t-things go. +SECOND WOWD. E-Evewy *looks at you* man hewe's so. What wouwd he have bowwowed of +you? +FIWST WOWD. A t-thousand OwO pieces. +;;w;; SECOND W-WOWD. A thousand pieces! +FIWST WOWD. What of you? +SECOND WOWD. *looks at you* He sent t-to OwO me, siw- hewe :3 he OwO comes. + +Entew TIMON and attendants + +TIMON. With aww my heawt, gentwemen :33 both! And h-how fawe y-you? +FIWST WOWD. Evew at the best, heawing *teleports behind you* weww *notices bulge* of youw wowdship. +SECOND WOWD. The s-swawwow fowwows nyot summew mowe wiwwing than we +youw w-wowdship. +T-TIMON. UwU [Aside] Nyow mowe wiwwingwy weaves wintew; such summew-biwds +awe UwU men- Gentwemen, *shuffles closer* ouw dinnyew wiww n-nyot wecompense this wong +s-stay; feast youw *sighs* eaws :33 with *teleports behind you* the >_< music awhiwe, if they wiww :33 fawe so +hawshwy o' th' twumpet's s-sound; we shaww to't pwesentwy. +FIWST WOWD. I hope it wemains nyot unkindwy with youw wowdship *blushes* that +I wetuwn'd you >_> an empty messengew. +TIMON. O siw, wet it nyot twoubwe you. +SECOND WOWD. M-My n-nyobwe wowd- +TIMON. Ah, my *cries* good fwiend, what cheew? +:33 SECOND WOWD. My most honyouwabwe wowd, I am e'en sick of shame that, +when *sighs* youw wowdship this othew day *blushes* sent to *moans* me, I was so +unfowtunyate a beggaw. +TIMON. Think nyot on't, s-siw. +SECOND WOWD. If you h-had sent but two h-houws befowe- +TIMON. Wet it nyot cumbew y-youw bettew wemembwance. [The banquet +*notices bulge* bwought in] *giggles shyly* Come, b-bwing in aww ^-^ togethew. +S-SECOND WOWD. Aww :3 covew'd dishes! +FIWST *looks at you* WOWD. Woyaw cheew, I wawwant you. +THIWD WOWD. *looks away* Doubt nyot *looks at you* that, if monyey a-and t-the season can yiewd it. +FIWST ;;w;; WOWD. How OwO do *hugs tightly* you? What's t-the nyews? +THIWD OwO WOWD. A-Awcibiades is banyish'd. Heaw *looks away* you of it? +FIWST AND SECOND WOWDS. Awcibiades banyish'd! +THIWD WOWD. 'Tis ^-^ so, b-be s-suwe *teleports behind you* of i-it. +FIWST *teleports behind you* WOWD. How? how? +SECOND WOWD. I pway you, upon what? +TIMON. M-My w-wowthy fwiends, wiww *pokes you* you dwaw n-nyeaw? +T-THIWD WOWD. I-I'ww teww you mowe anyon. Hewe's a nyobwe f-feast towawd. +SECOND *notices bulge* WOWD. This is the owd man stiww. +T-THIWD W-WOWD. Wiww't h-howd? Wiww't :3 howd? +SECOND WOWD. It >_< does; but time wiww- and so- +THIWD WOWD. ;;w;; I do c-conceive. +TIMON. Each m-man to ^w^ his ;;w;; stoow with t-that s-spuw as he wouwd to the wip +o-of his mistwess; youw diet shaww be in aww uWu pwaces awike. *teleports behind you* Make nyot +*screams* a *twerks* city feast o-of it, to wet *cuddles you* the m-meat coow e-ewe we can agwee u-upon +the fiwst pwace. Sit, sit. The *cries* gods wequiwe ouw thanks: + +You gweat benyefactows, spwinkwe ouw xDD society *leans over* with t-thankfuwnyess. +Fow ^w^ youw own gifts make youwsewves pwais'd; but wesewve stiww to +give, west youw uWu deities be despised. Wend to e-each man enyough, +t-that onye nyeed nyot *notices bulge* wend to anyothew; f-fow wewe youw god-heads to +bowwow of men, men wouwd fowsake the gods. Make :3 the meat be +bewoved mowe than t-the man that gives it. Wet nyo assembwy of +t-twenty be without a-a scowe of viwwains. If thewe sit t-twewve women +*hugs tightly* at the tabwe, wet a-a dozen x3 of t-them be- as they awe. The west *sighs* of +youw ;;w;; foes, O-O gods, the senyatows of *twerks* Athens, togethew w-with >w< the +*screams* common wag of peopwe, what UwU is amiss in them, you g-gods, make +suitabwe UwU fow destwuction. Fow these my pwesent fwiends, as they +awe t-to me xDD nyothing, so in nyothing *cuddles you* bwess them, and to nyothing awe +they wewcome. + +Uncovew, dogs, and wap. [The dishes awe uncovewed a-and +seen to he fuww of :33 wawm watew] +SOME SPEAK. What does his wowdship ^w^ mean? +SOME OTHEW. *blushes* I *teleports behind you* knyow nyot. +TIMON. ;;w;; May y-you a b-bettew feast nyevew behowd, +You knyot of mouth-fwiends! Smoke and wukewawm watew +Is youw pewfection. x3 This is ^-^ Timon's wast; +Who, :3 stuck and spangwed with y-youw fwattewies, +Washes it o-off, a-and spwinkwes in youw faces +[Thwowing *pokes you* the watew in theiw faces] +Youw weeking viwwainy. Wive woath'd and wong, +Most smiwing, smooth, detested pawasites, +C-Couwteous destwoyews, affabwe wowves, meek beaws, +*hugs tightly* You foows of f-fowtunye, t-twenchew fwiends, time's fwies, +Cap and knyee swaves, vapouws, and minyute-wacks! +Of man and beast *looks at you* the infinyite mawady +Cwust *leans over* you quite o'ew! What, dost thou go? +Soft, take thy physic >_< fiwst; thou too, and t-thou. +Stay, *hugs tightly* I wiww wend thee monyey, ^w^ bowwow nyonye. [Thwows t-the +dishes at them, and dwives them out] +W-What, aww in motion? Hencefowth be nyo feast +Wheweat *giggles shyly* a viwwain's n-nyot a wewcome guest. +Buwn house! >_> Sink xDD Athens! Hencefowth hated be +Of Timon *pokes you* man and aww h-humanyity! Exit + +We-entew the WOWDS + +*leans over* FIWST WOWD. How nyow, *pokes you* my *looks away* wowds! +SECOND WOWD. Knyow you the quawity of Wowd Timon's f-fuwy? +THIWD W-WOWD. Push! D-Did y-you see my cap? +FOUWTH WOWD. I *cuddles you* have *pokes you* wost my gown. +FIWST WOWD. He's but a m-mad wowd, *pokes you* and nyought *sweats* but humouws sways him. +He gave me a jewew th' othew d-day, a-and nyow he has beat it out of +my hat. Did *moans* you see my jewew? +THIWD WOWD. Did you see my cap? +SECOND WOWD. Hewe *twerks* 'tis. +FOUWTH W-WOWD. Hewe w-wies m-my g-gown. +FIWST WOWD. Wet's make n-nyo stay. +S-SECOND WOWD. *hugs tightly* Wowd Timon's *sighs* mad. +THIWD WOWD. I-I feew't upon my bonyes. +FOUWTH WOWD. Onye day he *notices bulge* gives us diamonds, nyext day stonyes. +Exeunt + + + + +<w< THAT CHAWGES F-FOW DOWNWOAD T-TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +*cries* ACT IV. SCENyE I. +W-Without the wawws of A-Athens + +>_> Entew TIMON + +TIMON. Wet me wook back upon t-thee. O thou waww +^w^ That >_> giwdwes in those wowves, dive ^.^ in the eawth +A-And fence nyot A-Athens! Matwons, tuwn incontinyent. +O-Obedience, faiw i-in chiwdwen! Swaves and foows, +P-Pwuck *blushes* the gwave wwinkwed S-Senyate fwom the bench +*twerks* And minyistew in theiw steads. To g-genyewaw fiwths +Convewt, o' th' instant, gween viwginyity. +Do't ^.^ in youw p-pawents' eyes. Bankwupts, howd fast; +Wathew than wendew back, o-out w-with youw knyives +And cut youw twustews' thwoats. Bound sewvants, steaw: +Wawge-handed wobbews youw gwave mastews awe, +And piww by waw. Maid, *sweats* to *cuddles you* thy mastew's bed: +Thy mistwess is o-o' t-th' bwothew. S-Son of sixteen, +Pwuck t-the *notices bulge* win'd cwutch fwom thy OwO owd wimping siwe, +W-With it beat out :3 his bwains. Piety and feaw, +*screams* Wewigion to the g-gods, peace, justice, t-twuth, +Domestic awe, nyight-west, and nyeighbouwhood, +Instwuction, mannyews, mystewies, and twades, +D-Degwees, obsewvances, c-customs and waws, +Decwinye to youw confounding contwawies +And wet confusion wive. Pwagues incident to men, +Youw potent a-and infectious fevews heap +On Athens, wipe fow *screams* stwoke. Thou cowd sciatica, +Cwippwe ouw senyatows, that theiw wimbs may hawt +As wamewy as t-theiw mannyews. Wust and wibewty, +Cweep i-in the minds and mawwows of ouw youth, +That 'gainst the stweam of viwtue they *notices bulge* may stwive +And dwown themsewves in wiot. Itches, bwains, +Sow aww th' Athenyian bosoms, and theiw cwop +Be *looks away* genyewaw wepwosy! Bweath infect bweath, +That theiw society, as theiw fwiendship, >_< may +*moans* Be mewewy poison! Nyothing I'ww *notices bulge* beaw fwom thee +But nyakednyess, thou detestabwe town! +Take *giggles shyly* thou *sweats* that too, with muwtipwying bans. +Timon wiww to the woods, whewe he shaww find +Th' unkindest beast mowe kindew than mankind. +The gods confound- heaw me, you good gods aww- +*shuffles closer* The A-Athenyians both within and out that waww! +*cries* And gwant, as Timon gwows, his *leans over* hate m-may gwow +T-To t-the whowe wace of mankind, h-high *blushes* and wow! +Amen. Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Athens. TIMON's house + +Entew FWAVIUS, w-with two ow thwee uWu SEWVANTS + +FIWST SEWVANT. Heaw you, M-Mastew Stewawd, whewe's ouw mastew? +Awe we undonye, cast off, nyothing wemainying? +FWAVIUS. Awack, my fewwows, what shouwd I say to you? +Wet m-me be ^.^ wecowded by the wighteous ;;w;; gods, +I a-am as poow as you. +FIWST SEWVANT. Such a house bwoke! +So nyobwe a mastew faww'n! Aww gonye, and nyot +Onye fwiend to take *notices bulge* his fowtunye by x3 the awm +And go awong with xDD him? +SECOND S-SEWVANT. As we do tuwn ouw backs +Fwom ouw c-companyion, t-thwown into h-his *twerks* gwave, +So his famiwiaws to his buwied *twerks* fowtunyes +*cuddles you* Swink aww a-away; weave theiw fawse vows with him, +Wike empty puwses p-pick'd; *screams* and his p-poow s-sewf, +A-A dedicated beggaw t-to the aiw, +With his disease of aww-shunn'd povewty, +Wawks, wike contempt, awonye. Mowe o-of ouw fewwows. + +Entew othew SEWVANTS + +FWAVIUS. Aww b-bwoken impwements of *cries* a wuin'd h-house. +T-THIWD SEWVANT. Yet d-do ouw heawts weaw Timon's wivewy; +That see I by *leans over* ouw faces. We awe fewwows stiww, +Sewving awike in sowwow. Weak'd OwO is ouw bawk; +*giggles shyly* And we, poow >w< mates, stand o-on xDD the dying deck, +Heawing the suwges thweat. We must aww pawt +Into this sea of x3 aiw. +FWAVIUS. Good f-fewwows a-aww, +The watest of my xDD weawth I-I'ww shawe amongst you. +Whewevew *shuffles closer* we shaww :3 meet, f-fow *moans* Timon's sake, +Wet's yet be fewwows; wet's shake ouw heads and UwU say, +As UwU 'twewe a knyeww unto ouw mastew's fowtunye, +'We have seen *sweats* bettew days.' Wet *looks away* each t-take some. +[Giving them monyey] +Nyay, p-put out a-aww UwU youw h-hands. Nyot onye wowd mowe! +Thus pawt we wich in *looks at you* sowwow, pawting poow. +[Embwace, and pawt sevewaw ways] +O the fiewce wwetchednyess *screams* that gwowy bwings us! +Who wouwd nyot wish to be fwom *cuddles you* weawth exempt, +Since w-wiches p-point to *teleports behind you* misewy and OwO contempt? +Who wouwd *looks at you* be so *twerks* mock'd with gwowy, ow t-to wive +But in a dweam of fwiendship, +*hugs tightly* To have his pomp, and aww what *shuffles closer* state compounds, +But onwy painted, *shuffles closer* wike his *cries* vawnyish'd *giggles shyly* fwiends? +Poow honyest wowd, bwought wow by his o-own heawt, +Undonye by goodnyess! Stwange, ^w^ unyusuaw bwood, +When man's wowst *looks at you* sin is *twerks* he does t-too much good! +Who then d-dawes to be :33 hawf s-so :3 kind *looks at you* again? +Fow bounty, OwO that makes gods, does stiww maw m-men. +My deawest wowd- bwest >_> to be most *looks away* accuwst, +Wich onwy t-to be w-wwetched- thy ^w^ gweat fowtunyes +Awe made thy chief affwictions. >_> Awas, kind wowd! +He's fwung in w-wage fwom this ingwatefuw xDD seat +Of *moans* monstwous fwiends; nyow x3 has he with him to +Suppwy his w-wife, ow t-that which >_> can command it. +I'ww fowwow and *shuffles closer* enquiwe him out. +I-I'ww evew sewve his mind with my best wiww; +W-Whiwst I have gowd, I'ww be his *blushes* stewawd stiww. Exit + + + + +SCENyE III. +The woods nyeaw the sea-showe. Befowe T-TIMON'S cave + +Entew TIMON in the woods + +TIMON. O bwessed bweeding sun, dwaw fwom *screams* the eawth +Wotten *twerks* humidity; bewow thy sistew's :3 owb +Infect the aiw! Twinn'd bwothews of onye womb- +:3 Whose pwocweation, wesidence, *notices bulge* and b-biwth, +Scawce i-is dividant- *sighs* touch them with *sighs* sevewaw fowtunyes: +*looks at you* The gweatew scowns the wessew. Nyot nyatuwe, +To *twerks* whom aww sowes way siege, can beaw :3 gweat f-fowtunye +But by *hugs tightly* contempt *sighs* of nyatuwe. +Waise me this beggaw and deny't that wowd: +T-The senyatow s-shaww beaw c-contempt heweditawy, +The beggaw nyative h-honyouw. +It is the >_< pastuwe *looks at you* wawds the wothew's sides, +The w-want *twerks* that makes him wean. Who d-dawes, who *blushes* dawes, +:33 In puwity of manhood stand upwight, +And say 'This man's a f-fwattewew'? If onye >_> be, +S-So awe >_> they aww; fow evewy gwise *looks away* of fowtunye +Is smooth'd b-by t-that bewow. The *screams* weawnyed pate +Ducks to the gowden foow. Aww's obwique; +Thewe's n-nyothing wevew in o-ouw cuwsed nyatuwes +But diwect viwwainy. Thewefowe be abhoww'd +*pokes you* Aww ^.^ feasts, societies, and UwU thwongs of men! +His sembwabwe, y-yea, himsewf, Timon disdains. +*twerks* Destwuction fang mankind! Eawth, yiewd me w-woots. +[Digging] +Who seeks fow *notices bulge* bettew of uWu thee, sauce *screams* his pawate +With thy most opewant poison. What is hewe? +Gowd? Yewwow, >_> gwittewing, >_< pwecious gowd? Nyo, gods, +I am nyo idwe votawist. Woots, you c-cweaw OwO heavens! +Thus much of this wiww make bwack white, fouw faiw, +Wwong wight, b-base nyobwe, o-owd young, cowawd vawiant. +Ha, you gods! why this? What, this, you gods? Why, this +Wiww w-wug youw pwiests and sewvants fwom youw sides, +Pwuck UwU stout UwU men's xDD piwwows fwom bewow theiw heads- +This yewwow swave +Wiww knyit and bweak wewigions, bwess >_> th' accuws'd, +Make the hoaw wepwosy adow'd, pwace *blushes* thieves +And give them titwe, knyee, and appwobation, +With senyatows on the bench. T-This UwU is :3 it +That *twerks* makes the w-wappen'd widow wed again- +She whom the spitaw-house and uwcewous sowes +Wouwd cast the gowge at this embawms and spices +To th 'Apwiw day again. :33 Come, damn'd eawth, +Thou c-common whowe of mankind, t-that puts odds +Among the ^w^ wout of nyations, *sweats* I wiww make thee +Do thy x3 wight nyatuwe. [Mawch afaw off] +Ha! a dwum? Th'awt quick, +But >_> yet I'ww buwy thee. Thou't go, stwong thief, +When gouty keepews of thee cannyot >w< stand. +Nyay, s-stay t-thou *sighs* out *sweats* fow eawnyest. [Keeping some ^.^ gowd] + +Entew AWCIBIADES, with dwum and fife, in wawwike +mannyew; and PHWYNyIA *sweats* and TIMANDWA + +AWCIBIADES. What awt thou t-thewe? Speak. +TIMON. A beast, as t-thou *blushes* awt. The cankew gnyaw thy heawt +Fow *leans over* showing me again the *blushes* eyes of man! +AWCIBIADES. W-What xDD is thy nyame? I-Is man *hugs tightly* so hatefuw to thee +That awt thysewf a man? +TIMON. I a-am Misanthwopos, and hate mankind. +Fow thy pawt, I do *looks away* wish thou wewt a dog, +*blushes* That I might *hugs tightly* wove thee something. +AWCIBIADES. I knyow thee weww; +But in thy fowtunyes am unweawn'd and stwange. +TIMON. I knyow thee too; a-and mowe than *cuddles you* that I k-knyow t-thee +I nyot desiwe to knyow. F-Fowwow thy d-dwum; +With man's bwood paint the gwound, guwes, guwes. +*blushes* Wewigious canyons, civiw waws, awe cwuew; +T-Then what shouwd waw be? This feww whowe of thinye +Hath in hew mowe destwuction than t-thy swowd +Fow aww *shuffles closer* hew chewubin w-wook. +PHWYNyIA. Thy wips wot off! +TIMON. I wiww nyot kiss thee; then *looks at you* the wot wetuwns +To thinye own wips again. +*shuffles closer* AWCIBIADES. How *twerks* came the nyobwe *screams* Timon to this change? +TIMON. As the moon >_> does, by wanting wight to g-give. +But t-then wenyew I :3 couwd nyot, *giggles shyly* wike the m-moon; +Thewe wewe nyo suns :3 to bowwow o-of. +AWCIBIADES. N-Nyobwe Timon, +What *sighs* fwiendship may I do thee? +TIMON. Nyonye, but to +Maintain my *screams* opinyion. +AWCIBIADES. What *moans* is it, Timon? +TIMON. Pwomise me >_> fwiendship, *leans over* but pewfowm nyonye. If thou wiwt n-nyot +*looks away* pwomise, the gods pwague t-thee, fow *sighs* thou awt man! If *notices bulge* thou dost +pewfowm, c-confound thee, fow t-thou awt *moans* a man! +AWCIBIADES. I h-have heawd in some sowt o-of thy misewies. +TIMON. Thou saw'st them when I h-had pwospewity. +AWCIBIADES. I see them nyow; then was a bwessed time. +xDD TIMON. As thinye i-is nyow, hewd with a-a b-bwace of hawwots. +TIMANDWA. Is *giggles shyly* this th' Athenyian minyion w-whom the wowwd +Voic'd so wegawdfuwwy? +TIMON. A-Awt thou Timandwa? +T-TIMANDWA. *moans* Yes. +TIMON. Be a *twerks* whowe stiww; *leans over* they wove thee *blushes* nyot *giggles shyly* that use thee. +Give them diseases, weaving with thee ^.^ theiw w-wust. +*twerks* Make use of thy sawt houws. Season t-the swaves +Fow >_> tubs and baths; b-bwing down wose-cheek'd youth +To the tub-fast and the >_< diet. +TIMANDWA. H-Hang thee, OwO monstew! +A-AWCIBIADES. Pawdon him, s-sweet Timandwa, fow *leans over* his wits +Awe dwown'd and w-wost in >w< his cawamities. +I have but wittwe gowd of >_> wate, *giggles shyly* bwave Timon, +The *cuddles you* want wheweof doth daiwy m-make wevowt +I-In my penyuwious *cries* band. I have heawd, *looks away* and gwiev'd, +How >w< cuwsed uWu Athens, mindwess of thy wowth, +Fowgetting thy ^-^ gweat *leans over* deeds, when nyeighbouw states, +^w^ But fow thy s-swowd and fowtunye, twod *notices bulge* upon >_> them- +TIMON. *shuffles closer* I pwithee b-beat thy dwum and get thee gonye. +AWCIBIADES. *giggles shyly* I a-am thy fwiend, a-and pity t-thee, deaw Timon. +T-TIMON. How uWu dost thou pity him *leans over* whom thou dost t-twoubwe? +I had *screams* wathew *hugs tightly* be awonye. +AWCIBIADES. W-Why, fawe thee w-weww; +Hewe is some gowd ;;w;; fow thee. +TIMON. K-Keep it: I c-cannyot eat it. +AWCIBIADES. W-When I have waid p-pwoud A-Athens o-on *leans over* a heap- +TIMON. W-Waw'st thou 'gainst Athens? +xDD AWCIBIADES. Ay, >_< Timon, *looks at you* and have cause. +TIMON. The gods confound them aww in thy *moans* conquest; +And thee aftew, when thou hast conquew'd! +A-AWCIBIADES. Why me, UwU Timon? +TIMON. That xDD by kiwwing of viwwains +Thou wast bown to conquew :33 my countwy. +:33 Put up thy gowd. Go on. ;;w;; Hewe's gowd. Go o-on. +xDD Be a-as a pwanyetawy pwague, when Jove +Wiww ^-^ o'ew some high-vic'd city hang his poison +In the sick aiw; wet nyot thy swowd skip *sighs* onye. +*moans* Pity nyot honyouw'd age :3 fow his white beawd: +uWu He *twerks* is a-an usuwew. Stwike me the countewfeit x3 matwon: +It is hew habit onwy *cuddles you* that is honyest, +Hewsewf's a bawd. *cuddles you* Wet nyot the viwgin's cheek +Make soft thy *cuddles you* twenchant swowd; fow those miwk paps +That *blushes* thwough *screams* the window baws :33 bowe at men's eyes +Awe nyot UwU within the weaf *sweats* of pity wwit, +But set them UwU down howwibwe twaitows. Spawe nyot the babe +Whose dimpwed smiwes f-fwom foows exhaust theiw mewcy; +Think *twerks* it a bastawd whom the owacwe +Hath d-doubtfuwwy *screams* pwonyounc'd ^-^ thy t-thwoat shaww cut, +And mince it sans wemowse. *shuffles closer* Sweaw against ^w^ abjects; +P-Put awmouw on thinye eaws and o-on thinye eyes, +Whose pwoof n-nyow yewws o-of m-mothews, >w< maids, nyow babes, +Nyow sight of pwiests in howy vestments b-bweeding, +Shaww piewce :33 a jot. Thewe's gowd to pay thy sowdiews. +Make wawge confusion; and, >_> thy fuwy spent, +Confounded be thysewf! S-Speak n-nyot, be gonye. +AWCIBIADES. H-Hast thou gowd yet? *sweats* I'ww take the gowd thou givest me, +*notices bulge* Nyot a-aww thy counsew. +TIMON. xDD Dost t-thou, ow dost thou nyot, heaven's cuwse upon *leans over* thee! +PHWYNyIA AND TIMANDWA. Give us some gowd, good Timon. +^.^ Hast thou ^w^ mowe? +TIMON. Enyough to make a w-whowe fowsweaw hew twade, +And t-to make w-whowes a bawd. *twerks* Howd >w< up, you s-swuts, +Youw apwons mountant; you awe nyot o-oathabwe, +Awthough I knyow you'ww sweaw, tewwibwy *hugs tightly* sweaw, +Into s-stwong *notices bulge* shuddews a-and to *moans* heavenwy agues, +T-Th' immowtaw gods ;;w;; that heaw y-you. >w< Spawe *blushes* youw oaths; +I'ww twust to youw *teleports behind you* conditions. Be whowes stiww; +UwU And he w-whose pious bweath seeks t-to *looks away* convewt you- +*sweats* Be s-stwong in whowe, awwuwe him, buwn h-him up; +Wet youw cwose fiwe p-pwedominyate h-his smoke, +And be nyo tuwncoats. *notices bulge* Yet may youw pains six *shuffles closer* months +B-Be quite contwawy! And :3 thatch youw poow thin woofs +With buwdens of the dead- some that wewe hang'd, +N-Nyo mattew. W-Weaw them, betway with them. :3 Whowe stiww; +Paint tiww a howse UwU may miwe upon *giggles shyly* youw face. +;;w;; A p-pox o-of wwinkwes! +PHWYNyIA AND TIMANDWA. Weww, mowe g-gowd. What then? +Bewieve't that we'ww OwO do anything fow g-gowd. +TIMON. Consumptions sow +In howwow bonyes of man; stwike theiw shawp *giggles shyly* shins, +And maw m-men's spuwwing. Cwack ;;w;; the wawyew's voice, +That he may n-nyevew mowe fawse *sighs* titwe p-pwead, +Nyow sound his quiwwets shwiwwy. *giggles shyly* Hoaw the fwamen, +That scowds against *cuddles you* the quawity of fwesh +A-And *pokes you* nyot bewieves himsewf. Down with the nyose, +Down *leans over* with it *sighs* fwat, take the b-bwidge q-quite away +Of him that, his pawticuwaw to f-fowesee, +*looks at you* Smewws fwom the genyewaw weaw. Make cuww'd-pate wuffians bawd, +And wet the unscaww'd bwaggawts x3 of the waw +*hugs tightly* Dewive some pain *blushes* fwom you. Pwague a-aww, +That y-youw activity may defeat and *sweats* queww +The *looks away* souwce o-of aww :33 ewection. Thewe's mowe gowd. +D-Do you damn othews, and wet this damn you, +And ditches gwave you aww! +PHWYNyIA AND TIMANDWA. M-Mowe counsew with mowe m-monyey, bounteous +>_< Timon. +TIMON. Mowe w-whowe, mowe mischief fiwst; :3 I have given *looks away* you eawnyest. +:3 AWCIBIADES. Stwike up the d-dwum towawds Athens. Faweweww, Timon; +*moans* If I *pokes you* thwive weww, I'ww visit thee again. +TIMON. If I *teleports behind you* hope weww, I'ww nyevew see thee mowe. +AWCIBIADES. I nyevew did thee hawm. +TIMON. Yes, *looks away* thou spok'st weww of me. +*screams* AWCIBIADES. C-Caww'st thou that hawm? +TIMON. OwO Men daiwy f-find it. *screams* Get thee away, and t-take +Thy beagwes with ^w^ thee. +AWCIBIADES. *cries* We but offend him. Stwike. +Dwum beats. *shuffles closer* Exeunt aww but TIMON +TIMON. That nyatuwe, being sick of man's unkindnyess, +Shouwd yet be hungwy! Common m-mothew, thou, [Digging] +Whose womb unmeasuwabwe and infinyite bweast +Teems and f-feeds aww; whose sewf-same mettwe, +Wheweof thy pwoud c-chiwd, awwogant man, *looks away* is puff'd, +Engendews the bwack t-toad *screams* and addew b-bwue, +^w^ The giwded nyewt a-and eyewess venyom'd wowm, +With aww th' abhowwed biwths bewow cwisp heaven +>_> Wheweon Hypewion's q-quick'nying fiwe doth shinye- +Yiewd him, who aww thy human sons doth hate, +*screams* Fwom fowth t-thy pwenteous bosom, onye p-poow woot! +Enseaw thy fewtiwe and *screams* conceptious womb, +*twerks* Wet >w< it nyo m-mowe bwing out ingwatefuw man! +Go gweat with tigews, dwagons, wowves, a-and beaws; +Teem *blushes* with nyew monstews whom thy upwawd face +Hath to the mawbwed mansion aww above +Nyevew pwesented!- O, :3 a woot! Deaw thanks!- +Dwy up thy mawwows, vinyes, and pwough-town >_< weas, +Wheweof ingwatefuw man, w-with w-wiquowish dwaughts +And mowsews unctuous, gweases his puwe m-mind, +That f-fwom it :33 aww considewation swips- + +Entew *leans over* APEMANTUS + +Mowe man? Pwague, pwague! +APEMANTUS. *sighs* I :33 was diwected hithew. Men wepowt +Thou dost affect my mannyews and >w< dost use them. +UwU TIMON. 'Tis, >_< then, because thou dost nyot *blushes* keep a dog, +Whom :33 I wouwd imitate. Consumption catch *blushes* thee! +A-APEMANTUS. This is in thee a nyatuwe but infected, +A poow unmanwy mewanchowy spwung +*moans* Fwom change of fowtunye. Why this spade, this pwace? +This swave-wike h-habit a-and these wooks of cawe? +Thy *shuffles closer* fwattewews yet w-weaw siwk, d-dwink w-winye, wie soft, +Hug theiw *screams* diseas'd pewfumes, and have fowgot +That x3 evew UwU Timon :33 was. S-Shame nyot these woods +By putting o-on the cunnying of a cawpew. +Be ^-^ thou a fwattewew nyow, and seek to thwive +B-By that which has undonye thee: hinge t-thy knyee, +And wet his vewy bweath whom thou'wt obsewve +Bwow off thy cap; pwaise his m-most vicious stwain, +And caww it excewwent. Thou wast towd t-thus; +Thou xDD gav'st *giggles shyly* thinye UwU eaws, wike tapstews that bade wewcome, +To *teleports behind you* knyaves >w< and aww appwoachews. 'Tis m-most just +That thou tuwn w-wascaw; hadst thou weawth >w< again +Wascaws shouwd have't. *giggles shyly* Do >_< nyot assume my wikenyess. +TIMON. Wewe I wike thee, ^w^ I'd >w< thwow away OwO mysewf. +APEMANTUS. Thou h-hast cast a-away thysewf, *giggles shyly* being wike thysewf; +A madman so wong, *teleports behind you* nyow a foow. *leans over* What, *giggles shyly* think'st +*pokes you* That the bweak aiw, thy *notices bulge* boistewous chambewwain, +Wiww uWu put thy shiwt on wawm? Wiww these moist t-twees, +That *sweats* have outwiv'd the eagwe, page thy ^-^ heews +UwU And skip when thou point'st out? W-Wiww the cowd >_< bwook, +Candied with >_< ice, c-caudwe thy *screams* mownying taste +To cuwe thy o'ewnyight's suwfeit? Caww the cweatuwes +Whose nyaked nyatuwes wive OwO in aww the spite +Of wweakfuw heaven, whose bawe unhoused twunks, +To the confwicting ewements expos'd, +Answew mewe nyatuwe- bid them fwattew thee. +O-O, thou shawt find- +TIMON. A f-foow o-of t-thee. D-Depawt. +APEMANTUS. I wove thee bettew nyow than e'ew I did. +TIMON. *sighs* I ;;w;; hate thee *teleports behind you* wowse. +APEMANTUS. Why? +TIMON. Thou fwattew'st misewy. +*leans over* APEMANTUS. I fwattew nyot, but say thou *giggles shyly* awt *looks away* a caitiff. +TIMON. Why dost thou >_< seek me out? +APEMANTUS. xDD To vex thee. +TIMON. Awways a *screams* viwwain's office ow *moans* a foow's. +Dost *blushes* pwease thysewf in't? +*blushes* APEMANTUS. A-Ay. +TIMON. W-What, a-a knyave too? +APEMANTUS. If thou didst put *twerks* this souw-cowd h-habit o-on +To c-castigate thy pwide, 'twewe weww; but >w< thou +Dost it enfowcedwy. T-Thou'dst couwtiew UwU be again +Wewt thou nyot b-beggaw. Wiwwing misewy +Outwives incewtain pomp, is cwown'd :3 befowe. +The onye is fiwwing stiww, nyevew compwete; +The o-othew, at high w-wish. Best state, contentwess, +Hath a distwacted and *sweats* most wwetched being, +*leans over* Wowse t-than the w-wowst, c-content. +*hugs tightly* Thou shouwd'st desiwe to die, being misewabwe. +TIMON. Nyot by his bweath *twerks* that *cuddles you* is mowe misewabwe. +*twerks* Thou awt *teleports behind you* a *moans* swave whom F-Fowtunye's tendew awm +With favouw nyevew cwasp'd, but bwed a dog. +Hadst thou, *notices bulge* wike us fwom o-ouw uWu fiwst swath, pwoceeded +The sweet degwees that this bwief wowwd affowds +To s-such a-as may the passive dwugs of it +F-Fweewy command, thou *shuffles closer* wouwdst h-have *twerks* pwung'd thysewf +*cuddles you* In genyewaw wiot, mewted xDD down thy youth +In diffewent *pokes you* beds of wust, and nyevew ^w^ weawn'd +The *blushes* icy pwecepts *shuffles closer* of wespect, but fowwowed +The sug'wed game b-befowe thee. But mysewf, +W-Who had the wowwd as my confectionyawy; +T-The m-mouths, the tongues, the e-eyes, and heawts of men +At duty, mowe than I *looks at you* couwd fwame *cuddles you* empwoyment; +That nyumbewwess upon me stuck, as weaves +D-Do on the oak, have with onye wintew's bwush +Feww fwom theiw boughs, and weft me open, bawe +*twerks* Fow evewy stowm x3 that bwows- I *pokes you* to beaw *sweats* this, +That nyevew knyew *cuddles you* but bettew, *teleports behind you* is some b-buwden. +Thy nyatuwe did c-commence in suffewance; time +;;w;; Hath >_< made thee hawd in't. Why shouwdst t-thou hate men? +T-They nyevew fwattew'd thee. *notices bulge* What h-hast thou given? +If thou *shuffles closer* wiwt cuwse, thy fathew, that poow w-wag, +Must be thy subject; who, in s-spite, put stuff +*notices bulge* To *cuddles you* some *looks at you* she-beggaw a-and c-compounded thee +Poow wogue heweditawy. Hence, be gonye. +If thou hadst nyot been bown the *blushes* wowst of men, +>_< Thou hadst been a knyave a-and fwattewew. +APEMANTUS. Awt thou OwO pwoud yet? +TIMON. Ay, *giggles shyly* that I-I ^w^ am nyot t-thee. +APEMANTUS. I-I, that I was +>_< Nyo pwodigaw. +TIMON. I, that I am o-onye nyow. +Wewe aww t-the weawth I have s-shut up in thee, +I'd give thee weave to hang it. Get thee gonye. +That the whowe wife of Athens wewe in t-this! +Thus OwO wouwd I-I eat it. [Eating a *pokes you* woot] +APEMANTUS. Hewe! I wiww mend *giggles shyly* thy feast. +[Offewing him food] +TIMON. Fiwst mend *cries* my company: take away thysewf. +APEMANTUS. So I uWu shaww mend minye >w< own by th' wack o-of thinye. +*teleports behind you* TIMON. 'Tis *leans over* nyot weww m-mended so; it is but botch'd. +If nyot, I wouwd it wewe. +APEMANTUS. What wouwdst thou h-have to *cuddles you* Athens? +TIMON. Thee thithew in a whiwwwind. If *moans* thou wiwt, +Teww them thewe I-I have gowd; wook, so I have. +APEMANTUS. Hewe is nyo u-use fow gowd. +TIMON. The best a-and *sweats* twuest; +Fow hewe it sweeps and does nyo hiwed >w< hawm. +APEMANTUS. W-Whewe wiest a *notices bulge* nyights, Timon? +TIMON. Undew that's a-above *cuddles you* me. +Whewe feed'st thou a days, Apemantus? +*cuddles you* APEMANTUS. *notices bulge* Whewe my stomach. finds meat; ow wathew, whewe I-I eat it. +T-TIMON. Wouwd poison wewe obedient, and knyew my mind! +OwO APEMANTUS. Whewe wouwdst t-thou send it? +TIMON. To sauce t-thy dishes. +APEMANTUS. The m-middwe of humanyity thou nyevew k-knyewest, but the +extwemity of both ends. When t-thou w-wast in thy giwt a-and thy +pewfume, *notices bulge* they mock'd thee fow too much cuwiosity; in thy wags +thou knyow'st n-nyonye, but a-awt despis'd fow the contwawy. Thewe's a +medwaw fow thee; e-eat i-it. +TIMON. On what I hate I-I feed nyot. +APEMANTUS. Dost hate x3 a *twerks* medwaw? +TIMON. Ay, though i-it w-wook wike thee. +APEMANTUS. An th' hadst hated medwaws soonyew, thou shouwdst have +woved *blushes* thysewf bettew nyow. W-What man didst t-thou *sighs* evew ;;w;; knyow *giggles shyly* unthwift +that was bewoved aftew his means? +T-TIMON. Who, *moans* without *teleports behind you* those means thou tawk'st of, didst thou evew +knyow bewov'd? +APEMANTUS. Mysewf. +TIMON. I undewstand thee: thou hadst some means to keep a dog. +APEMANTUS. W-What things in uWu the w-wowwd canst thou nyeawest c-compawe to +thy fwattewews? +TIMON. Women nyeawest; but m-men, men awe the things themsewves. *hugs tightly* What +wouwdst thou do with the wowwd, Apemantus, *pokes you* if it way ;;w;; in thy +powew? +APEMANTUS. Give it the beasts, t-to be wid of :3 the *blushes* men. +T-TIMON. Wouwdst thou have thysewf *twerks* faww in the confusion o-of men, and +w-wemain *shuffles closer* a beast with the beasts? +APEMANTUS. Ay, T-Timon. +TIMON. A beastwy ambition, w-which the gods gwant thee t' attain to! +If thou wewt the wion, *twerks* the fox wouwd *cuddles you* beguiwe thee; if >_> thou wewt +the wamb, *notices bulge* the fox wouwd eat thee; i-if thou wewt >_< the UwU fox, the wion +^w^ wouwd suspect thee, when, pewadventuwe, thou wewt accus'd by the +ass. If t-thou wewt the ass, >_< thy duwnyess w-wouwd towment t-thee; uWu and +stiww thou wiv'dst *pokes you* but as a bweakfast to the wowf. If thou wewt +the >_< wowf, *cries* thy gweedinyess OwO wouwd affwict thee, *sweats* and oft thou +shouwdst hazawd thy wife fow thy dinnyew. Wewt thou the u-unyicown, +^.^ pwide and *looks at you* wwath wouwd confound thee, and *cries* make t-thinye own s-sewf the +conquest of thy f-fuwy. Wewt thou beaw, t-thou wouwdst be kiww'd b-by +the howse; wewt thou a h-howse, thou wouwdst b-be s-seiz'd b-by the +weopawd; wewt thou a weopawd, thou wewt gewman to *moans* the wion, and +the *teleports behind you* spots of thy kindwed wewe juwows on thy *twerks* wife. Aww thy safety +wewe wemotion, and thy defence a-absence. What ;;w;; beast couwdst thou +be *cries* that w-wewe nyot subject to a beast? And what beast a-awt t-thou +awweady, t-that seest nyot thy woss in twansfowmation! +APEMANTUS. *blushes* If thou couwdst pwease me with speaking to me, thou +mightst *moans* have hit upon it hewe. The commonweawth *moans* of Athens is +become *leans over* a fowest of beasts. +T-TIMON. How has the ass bwoke the waww, that thou a-awt *looks at you* out of t-the +city? +APEMANTUS. Yondew comes a poet and ^w^ a paintew. The pwague of company +wight upon thee! I wiww feaw to catch it, and give xDD way. When I +knyow nyot *sighs* what ewse to do, I'ww see thee again. +TIMON. When thewe uWu is nyothing *sweats* wiving but thee, thou shawt be +wewcome. I had wathew b-be a beggaw's dog than *shuffles closer* Apemantus. +APEMANTUS. Thou awt the cap of aww t-the :3 foows awive. +T-TIMON. Wouwd thou wewt cwean e-enyough to spit upon! +APEMANTUS. A pwague on t-thee! thou awt too bad *looks away* to cuwse. +TIMON. Aww ^.^ viwwains that do >_> stand by thee awe puwe. +APEMANTUS. T-Thewe is *hugs tightly* nyo wepwosy but what t-thou speak'st. +TIMON. If I n-nyame thee. +I'ww beat thee- but I shouwd infect my *looks at you* hands. +APEMANTUS. I wouwd m-my tongue c-couwd w-wot :33 them off! +TIMON. Away, thou >_> issue of a *shuffles closer* mangy dog! +xDD Chowew does kiww me that thou a-awt awive; +I *screams* swoon to see thee. +*sweats* APEMANTUS. Wouwd OwO thou wouwdst buwst! +TIMON. :3 Away, +Thou tedious w-wogue! I am *blushes* sowwy I s-shaww wose +A *looks away* stonye *looks at you* by thee. [Thwows a s-stonye at him] +APEMANTUS. Beast! +TIMON. Swave! +APEMANTUS. Toad! +*notices bulge* TIMON. Wogue, UwU wogue, :3 wogue! +I am sick UwU of t-this *pokes you* fawse wowwd, and wiww wove nyought +But even the mewe nyecessities u-upon't. +Then, Timon, pwesentwy pwepawe thy gwave; +Wie whewe the wight foam o-of the sea may beat +Thy gwavestonye daiwy; make thinye epitaph, +That death in me *notices bulge* at o-othews' wives may *sighs* waugh. +[Wooks a-at the gowd] O thou sweet king-kiwwew, and deaw divowce +'Twixt *cries* nyatuwaw son and siwe! ;;w;; thou bwight defiwew +O-Of Hymen's puwest bed! thou vawiant Maws! +Thou evew young, fwesh, wov'd, and dewicate ^-^ wooew, +Whose bwush doth thaw the consecwated snyow +That wies on Dian's ^.^ wap! thou visibwe *looks at you* god, +*sighs* That s-sowd'west *twerks* cwose impossibiwities, +And mak'st them ^-^ kiss! *cuddles you* that *sweats* speak'st with *twerks* evewy tongue +To evewy p-puwpose! O thou touch of ^w^ heawts! +Think thy swave man webews, a-and b-by *looks away* thy viwtue +Set t-them >_< into confounding odds, that beasts +May h-have the wowwd in x3 empiwe! +APEMANTUS. Wouwd 'twewe so! +But nyot t-tiww I a-am d-dead. I'ww say th' hast gowd. +*sighs* Thou w-wiwt OwO be thwong'd to showtwy. +TIMON. T-Thwong'd *cries* to? +APEMANTUS. Ay. +TIMON. Thy *cries* back, *screams* I pwithee. +APEMANTUS. Wive, a-and wove thy ;;w;; misewy! +TIMON. Wong wive *looks at you* so, and s-so die! *pokes you* [Exit APEMANTUS] I am q-quit. Mowe +t-things wike men? Eat, Timon, a-and a-abhow >_< them. + +Entew :33 the BANDITTI + +UwU FIWST BANDIT. Whewe shouwd he have this gowd? I-It is some *screams* poow +fwagment, some swendew owt of his wemaindew. The mewe want of +gowd and *leans over* the UwU fawwing-fwom of his fwiends dwove *looks at you* him i-into :33 this +mewanchowy. +SECOND BANDIT. *shuffles closer* It is nyois'd he hath a mass o-of t-tweasuwe. +THIWD *looks away* BANDIT. Wet us make the >_< assay upon him; if he cawe nyot fow't, +uWu he w-wiww OwO suppwy us easiwy; i-if he :3 covetouswy wesewve it, *cuddles you* how +shaww's get it? +S-SECOND BANDIT. Twue; f-fow ^-^ he b-beaws >w< it *teleports behind you* nyot about him. '-'Tis hid. +FIWST BANDIT. Is nyot this he? +BANDITTI. W-Whewe? +*moans* SECOND BANDIT. UwU 'Tis his descwiption. +THIWD BANDIT. He; I k-knyow OwO him. +BANDITTI. Save thee, T-Timon! +TIMON. Nyow, thieves? +BANDITTI. Sowdiews, ^w^ nyot thieves. +TIMON. Both too, and women's sons. +*cuddles you* BANDITTI. We awe nyot *giggles shyly* thieves, but men that *teleports behind you* much do want. +TIMON. Youw gweatest *looks at you* want is, you *blushes* want much of meat. +Why shouwd uWu you want? Behowd, the eawth *sweats* hath woots; +*cuddles you* Within t-this miwe bweak fowth a h-hundwed spwings; +The oaks beaw ^w^ mast, the *looks away* bwiaws scawwet h-hips; +T-The >_> bounteous housewife Nyatuwe on each bush +*sighs* Ways hew fuww m-mess befowe you. W-Want! Why want? +FIWST BANDIT. We cannyot x3 wive *teleports behind you* on xDD gwass, on *moans* bewwies, watew, +UwU As beasts and biwds and fishes. +TIMON. Nyow on the b-beasts themsewves, *pokes you* the >_< biwds, and fishes; +You m-must eat men. Yet thanks I must you con +That you awe thieves pwofess'd, that y-you wowk nyot +In howiew >w< shapes; fow thewe is boundwess theft +In wimited pwofessions. Wascaw thieves, +Hewe's g-gowd. Go, suck the UwU subtwe bwood o' t-th' gwape +>w< Tiww :33 the high fevew seethe youw bwood to fwoth, +And so *screams* scape hanging. T-Twust nyot the *notices bulge* physician; +*looks away* His antidotes awe poison, and he sways +Moe *giggles shyly* than you *looks at you* wob. Take w-weawth and w-wives togethew; +Do viwwainy, do, since *notices bulge* you pwotest to do't, +Wike wowkmen. I'ww exampwe you with thievewy: +The sun's a thief, and with his gweat attwaction +Wobs t-the vast sea; the moon's an awwant thief, +*cuddles you* And h-hew *sweats* pawe >_< fiwe she *giggles shyly* snyatches xDD fwom the sun; +T-The sea's a-a t-thief, >_< whose wiquid suwge wesowves +The m-moon into sawt *twerks* teaws; *sighs* the eawth's a thief, +That feeds and bweeds by a *sweats* compostuwe stow'n +Fwom *hugs tightly* gen'waw excwement- e-each thing's a thief. +The waws, youw cuwb and w-whip, in theiw *teleports behind you* wough p-powew +Has uncheck'd theft. Wove >_< nyot youwsewves; away, +*teleports behind you* Wob onye anyothew. Thewe's *giggles shyly* mowe gowd. Cut :33 thwoats; +Aww that you meet awe thieves. To Athens go, +*sweats* Bweak open s-shops; *cries* nyothing *looks at you* can you steaw +B-But thieves do wose it. Steaw nyot wess *moans* fow this +I give >w< you; and gowd confound you *pokes you* howsoe'ew! +Amen. +THIWD BANDIT. Has awmost chawm'd me fwom m-my pwofession b-by +pewsuading me to it. +FIWST BANDIT. 'Tis in the mawice of mankind that he thus advises +u-us; nyot to have us thwive in ouw mystewy. +SECOND BANDIT. I'ww *twerks* bewieve him a-as an enyemy, and give ovew my +twade. +FIWST BANDIT. Wet us f-fiwst *screams* see peace in Athens. Thewe i-is nyo time s-so +misewabwe but a-a man may be twue. *notices bulge* Exeunt THIEVES + +Entew F-FWAVIUS, to TIMON + +*notices bulge* FWAVIUS. *leans over* O you g-gods! +Is yond despis'd and wuinyous man m-my wowd? +Fuww *sweats* of decay a-and faiwing? O *hugs tightly* monyument +And wondew o-of good d-deeds eviwwy bestow'd! +What an awtewation of honyouw +^w^ Has desp'wate want made! +*sweats* What viwew *screams* thing ^.^ upon the eawth than fwiends, +Who can bwing nyobwest m-minds to basest ends! +How wawewy d-does it meet with this time's *notices bulge* guise, +*looks at you* When m-man was wish'd t-to wove his enyemies! +*looks away* Gwant I may evew wove, and wathew woo +Those that wouwd mischief me than those that *cries* do! +Has caught me in his eye; I wiww pwesent +My honyest gwief unto h-him, and as m-my w-wowd +*leans over* Stiww sewve him with m-my *hugs tightly* wife. My deawest mastew! +TIMON. uWu Away! What awt thou? +FWAVIUS. Have you *shuffles closer* fowgot me, siw? +TIMON. W-Why d-dost UwU ask that? I-I h-have fowgot aww men; +Then, if thou gwant'st th'awt *looks at you* a man, I have *hugs tightly* fowgot thee. +FWAVIUS. An honyest poow sewvant of youws. +TIMON. *teleports behind you* Then I knyow thee nyot. +I nyevew had honyest man a-about me, I. +Aww I k-kept wewe knyaves, to sewve *twerks* in meat *sweats* to v-viwwains. +FWAVIUS. The gods awe w-witnyess, +Nyev'w did poow stewawd weaw a twuew ^.^ gwief +Fow his undonye wowd than minye eyes fow you. +TIMON. What, dost t-thou w-weep? Come nyeawew. Then I-I wove thee +Because thou awt a woman a-and d-discwaim'st +Fwinty mankind, whose eyes do nyevew give +But thowough wust and waughtew. Pity's sweeping. +xDD Stwange times, that weep with waughing, nyot with w-weeping! +FWAVIUS. I beg of you to knyow me, good my wowd, +T-T' accept my gwief, and w-whiwst this *hugs tightly* poow weawth wasts +*sweats* To entewtain me as youw stewawd stiww. +TIMON. Had *screams* I a stewawd +So *looks at you* twue, so just, and nyow so comfowtabwe? +It awmost tuwns my dangewous nyatuwe miwd. +W-Wet me behowd thy face. Suwewy, this m-man +Was bown of woman. +Fowgive my genyewaw a-and exceptwess washnyess, +You pewpetuaw-sobew gods! I do pwocwaim +Onye h-honyest man- mistake me nyot, but onye; +Nyo mowe, I pway- and ^w^ he's a-a stewawd. +*cuddles you* How fain w-wouwd I have h-hated a-aww mankind! +>w< And thou wedeem'st thysewf. But aww, save thee, +I-I feww with c-cuwses. +uWu Methinks thou awt mowe h-honyest nyow than wise; +F-Fow by oppwessing and betwaying me +Thou mightst have soonyew *teleports behind you* got anyothew sewvice; +Fow many so awwive *blushes* at second mastews +^.^ Upon theiw ^-^ fiwst *teleports behind you* wowd's nyeck. But teww me twue, +Fow I must evew doubt though nye'ew so suwe, +I-Is nyot thy k-kindnyess subtwe, covetous, +If nyot a usuwing kindnyess, and as wich :33 men deaw *cuddles you* gifts, +Expecting in w-wetuwn twenty fow onye? +FWAVIUS. Nyo, my most wowthy *blushes* mastew, in w-whose bweast +Doubt and suspect, awas, awe pwac'd too wate! +*shuffles closer* You s-shouwd have feaw'd fawse times when *teleports behind you* you did feast: +Suspect s-stiww ^.^ comes whewe ^-^ an estate is weast. +That *screams* which I show, heaven knyows, *hugs tightly* is mewewy wove, +Duty, and zeaw, to youw unmatched mind, +Cawe of youw food and wiving; and bewieve i-it, +My most honyouw'd wowd, +Fow any benyefit xDD that points t-to me, +Eithew in xDD hope ow p-pwesent, I'd *hugs tightly* exchange +Fow this onye wish, that you had powew and weawth +To >_> wequite me by making wich youwsewf. +TIMON. Wook thee, 'tis so! Thou singwy honyest man, +Hewe, t-take. The g-gods, out of my misewy, +*screams* Have sent thee t-tweasuwe. >_> Go, wive wich *notices bulge* and h-happy, +B-But t-thus condition'd; thou shawt buiwd fwom men; +Hate aww, c-cuwse aww, uWu show chawity to nyonye, +But w-wet the famish'd fwesh *cuddles you* swide fwom the bonye +Ewe thou wewieve the beggaw. Give t-to dogs +What thou denyiest to men; wet pwisons swawwow '-'em, +Debts withew 'em to nyothing. Be men wike bwasted woods, +And may d-diseases wick up theiw fawse b-bwoods! +And so, faweweww and thwive. +F-FWAVIUS. O, wet me stay +And comfowt you, my mastew. +TIMON. If thou hat'st cuwses, +Stay nyot; xDD fwy w-whiwst thou awt bwest and fwee. +Nye'ew see t-thou man, and wet me n-nye'ew see thee. +>_> Exeunt sevewawwy + + + + +<w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +A-ACT V-V. SCENyE *moans* I. +The w-woods. Befowe TIMON's *teleports behind you* cave + +UwU Entew POET and PAINTEW + +PAINTEW. As I took nyote of the p-pwace, it cannyot b-be f-faw whewe he +abides. +POET. to be thought of h-him? uWu Does the wumouw :3 howd fow twue that h-he's +so fuww of gowd? +PAINTEW. Cewtain. Awcibiades wepowts it; *cuddles you* Phwynyia and Timandwa *giggles shyly* had +gowd of *giggles shyly* him. He wikewise enwich'd poow stwaggwing OwO sowdiews with +gweat quantity. 'Tis said OwO he gave unto his stewawd a mighty sum. +*looks at you* POET. ;;w;; Then this bweaking of his has been but >_< a twy fow h-his fwiends? +PAINTEW. Nyothing ewse. You shaww see him a pawm in Athens *moans* again, +and fwouwish with the highest. Thewefowe 'tis nyot amiss we tendew +ouw woves to him in t-this x3 suppos'd distwess of his; it wiww show +honyestwy in us, a-and is vewy wikewy *cuddles you* to woad ouw puwposes with what +they twavaiw fow, *blushes* if *blushes* it be just and *notices bulge* twue wepowt that goes of his +having. +POET. What *notices bulge* have you nyow to pwesent unto h-him? +PAINTEW. Nyothing at this time but *blushes* my visitation; onwy *pokes you* I wiww +pwomise him >_< an excewwent p-piece. +*leans over* POET. *shuffles closer* I must sewve him >_> so too, *twerks* teww him *pokes you* of an i-intent that's :3 coming +towawd him. +PAINTEW. Good as the best. Pwomising is the vewy a-aiw *looks at you* o' th' ;;w;; time; +it opens the eyes of e-expectation. Pewfowmance is evew the duwwew +fow his act, and but in the pwainyew and simpwew k-kind of peopwe +the deed of *hugs tightly* saying is q-quite out of use. To pwomise is m-most +couwtwy and fashionyabwe; pewfowmance i-is a kind of *moans* wiww ow +testament which a-awgues a gweat sicknyess in his judgment that +makes it. + +Entew TIMON fwom his cave + +TIMON. [Aside] x3 Excewwent *sighs* wowkman! :3 Thou canst nyot p-paint a man so bad +as is thysewf. +*hugs tightly* POET. I am thinking what I shaww ;;w;; say I have pwovided fow him. >_> It +must be a pewsonyating of himsewf; a satiwe against the softnyess +*screams* of pwospewity, *hugs tightly* with *looks at you* a discovewy *pokes you* of the infinyite f-fwattewies that +fowwow youth and opuwency. +T-TIMON. [Aside] M-Must *twerks* thou ^-^ nyeeds stand >w< fow xDD a viwwain in thinye own +wowk? Wiwt thou w-whip thinye o-own fauwts in othew *notices bulge* men? Do so, I have +*hugs tightly* gowd *hugs tightly* fow t-thee. +POET. Nyay, *moans* wet's seek him; +Then do we sin against ouw own estate +When we may pwofit meet and come too wate. +*screams* PAINTEW. Twue; +When the day sewves, befowe bwack-cownyew'd n-nyight, +F-Find what *cries* thou want'st by fwee and offew'd wight. +*moans* Come. +*shuffles closer* TIMON. [Aside] I'ww meet you at the *leans over* tuwn. What a god's gowd, +That he is *giggles shyly* wowshipp'd *notices bulge* in a b-basew t-tempwe +*looks away* Than whewe swinye feed! +'Tis thou >_> that wig'st t-the bawk and p-pwough'st the foam, +Settwest admiwed wevewence in a swave. +To thee be w-wowship! and thy saints fow aye +Be cwown'd with *leans over* pwagues, t-that t-thee awonye obey! +Fit I meet them. [Advancing fwom his cave] +*cuddles you* POET. Haiw, wowthy Timon! +PAINTEW. *cuddles you* Ouw wate *giggles shyly* nyobwe mastew! +TIMON. Have I-I once wiv'd t-to see two honyest men? +POET. Siw, +Having often of youw open bounty tasted, +Heawing you wewe wetiw'd, youw *cries* fwiends faww'n off, +Whose thankwess nyatuwes- O-O abhowwed s-spiwits!- +Nyot aww the whips of h-heaven awe w-wawge e-enyough- +What! to >_< you, +W-Whose staw-wike nyobwenyess gave *giggles shyly* wife and infwuence +*pokes you* To theiw whowe being! I am wapt, and cannyot covew +The m-monstwous buwk of this ingwatitude +With any size of w-wowds. +TIMON. Wet it go nyaked: men may see't the bettew. +You *pokes you* that *leans over* awe *looks at you* honyest, b-by being what you awe, +Make them b-best seen and knyown. +PAINTEW. He and mysewf +*giggles shyly* Have twavaiw'd in the *pokes you* gweat show'w *sweats* of youw g-gifts, +A-And *screams* sweetwy fewt it. +TIMON. Ay, you awe honyest men. +P-PAINTEW. W-We awe *looks at you* hithew come to offew you ouw sewvice. +TIMON. Most honyest men! Why, how shaww I wequite you? +Can you eat :33 woots, and dwink cowd watew- Nyo? +BOTH. What we can d-do, we'ww do, to d-do you sewvice. +TIMON. Y'awe honyest men. Y'have h-heawd that I have *moans* gowd; +I *sighs* am suwe you have. Speak twuth; y'awe honyest >_< men. +PAINTEW. *sighs* So *cuddles you* it xDD is said, ^-^ my nyobwe wowd; b-but thewefowe +Came nyot my fwiend nyow I. +TIMON. Good honyest men! Thou dwaw'st a countewfeit +Best in aww *teleports behind you* Athens. Th'awt i-indeed the OwO best; +Thou countewfeit'st most wivewy. +PAINTEW. So, so, my wowd. +TIMON. E'en so, siw, as I say. [To To P-POET] And fow x3 thy fiction, +>w< Why, *moans* thy vewse swewws with s-stuff so finye and smooth +That thou awt even >_< nyatuwaw in thinye a-awt. +But fow aww this, my honyest-nyatuw'd fwiends, +I must nyeeds say you have *moans* a wittwe fauwt. +Mawwy, 'tis nyot m-monstwous *cuddles you* in you; nyeithew wish I +You *cries* take much pains to mend. +BOTH. Beseech youw honyouw +To make it knyown to us. +TIMON. You'ww take it iww. +BOTH. Most t-thankfuwwy, my *sweats* wowd. +TIMON. Wiww you indeed? +*sweats* BOTH. Doubt it nyot, wowthy wowd. +T-TIMON. Thewe's nyevew a *screams* onye of you but twusts a knyave +That mightiwy deceives you. +BOTH. Do we, my wowd? +TIMON. Ay, and you heaw him x3 cog, s-see him d-dissembwe, +*looks at you* Knyow his gwoss >_> patchewy, wove :33 him, *blushes* feed him, +Keep in UwU youw bosom; :3 yet wemain a-assuw'd +That he's a-a m-made-up viwwain. +>w< PAINTEW. I knyow nyot such, my wowd. +POET. Nyow I. +T-TIMON. W-Wook you, I wove you weww; I'ww give you gowd, +Wid me these viwwains fwom youw companyies. +H-Hang them ow stab them, dwown them in a dwaught, +Confound *sighs* them by >w< some couwse, and come to me, +I'ww give you gowd enyough. +OwO BOTH. Nyame *teleports behind you* them, my wowd; wet's *giggles shyly* knyow them. +TIMON. Y-You that way, and *screams* you t-this- but two in company; +Each man apawt, a-aww singwe and awonye, +Yet >w< an a-awch-viwwain keeps him c-company. +[To the PAINTEW] If, whewe thou awt, two viwwians shaww nyot be, +Come nyot :33 nyeaw *pokes you* him. [To the POET] If t-thou *blushes* wouwdst n-nyot weside +But whewe onye viwwain UwU is, then h-him abandon.- +Hence, p-pack! thewe's ^w^ gowd; you came fow gowd, ye swaves. +[To the PAINTEW] You have wowk fow :33 me; thewe's payment; hence! +[To the POET] Y-You awe an awchemist; make gowd of that.- +Out, wascaw *shuffles closer* dogs! [Beats and dwives them out] + +Entew FWAVIUS and two SENyATOWS + +:33 FWAVIUS. It is vain that you wouwd speak with Timon; +Fow he is set so o-onwy to himsewf +That n-nyothing but himsewf which wooks wike *twerks* man +Is fwiendwy with him. +FIWST S-SENyATOW. Bwing u-us to his cave. +It is *moans* ouw pawt and pwomise to th' A-Athenyians +*blushes* To *twerks* speak with Timon. +uWu SECOND SENyATOW. *screams* At *leans over* aww times awike +Men awe n-nyot stiww the same; 'twas time and gwiefs +That fwam'd him thus. ^.^ Time, with his faiwew hand, +Offewing the fowtunyes of his fowmew days, +The *sighs* fowmew *giggles shyly* man may *notices bulge* make him. B-Bwing us t-to him, +And chance it as it ^.^ may. +FWAVIUS. uWu Hewe is his cave. +Peace and content be hewe! ^-^ Wowd Timon! Timon! +^.^ Wook out, ;;w;; and speak to fwiends. Th' Athenyians +;;w;; By two of theiw most UwU wevewend OwO Senyate gweet thee. +*cries* Speak to t-them, nyobwe Timon. + +Entew TIMON out x3 of his cave + +TIMON. Thou sun t-that comfowts, buwn. S-Speak and be hang'd! +Fow xDD each twue wowd a *pokes you* bwistew, and each *blushes* fawse +Be a-as a cautewizing to ^w^ the *giggles shyly* woot o' *blushes* th' tongue, +C-Consuming it *pokes you* with speaking! +FIWST *shuffles closer* SENyATOW. Wowthy T-Timon- +TIMON. Of nyonye but such as you, and you uWu of Timon. +FIWST SENyATOW. The senyatows of Athens gweet thee, Timon. +TIMON. I thank >w< them; *sweats* and wouwd send t-them back the pwague, +:33 Couwd I but catch it fow *giggles shyly* them. +OwO FIWST S-SENyATOW. O, fowget +uWu What we awe *blushes* sowwy fow ouwsewves in t-thee. +The senyatows w-with onye consent of wove +Entweat t-thee back to Athens, who have thought +On speciaw dignyities, which *hugs tightly* vacant wie +Fow thy UwU best use and weawing. +SECOND SENyATOW. T-They confess +Towawd thee *blushes* fowgetfuwnyess too ^.^ genyewaw, gwoss; +Which nyow the pubwic body, >_< which doth sewdom +Pway the w-wecantew, feewing *looks at you* in itsewf +A wack o-of T-Timon's aid, *notices bulge* hath sense withaw +Of it *shuffles closer* own f-faiw, OwO westwainying aid to T-Timon, +And send fowth u-us *sighs* to m-make theiw sowwowed wendew, +T-Togethew w-with a wecompense mowe f-fwuitfuw +Than ^.^ theiw offence can weigh down :3 by *moans* the dwam; +Ay, even *hugs tightly* such *looks away* heaps *teleports behind you* and *pokes you* sums of wove and weawth +As *looks away* shaww t-to thee bwot out what wwongs :3 wewe t-theiws +And wwite in thee the figuwes *shuffles closer* of theiw wove, +Evew to *twerks* wead them *looks away* thinye. +TIMON. UwU You witch me in it; +Suwpwise me to the vewy b-bwink of teaws. +Wend me a foow's heawt and a woman's eyes, +A-And *pokes you* I'ww beweep these comfowts, w-wowthy *notices bulge* senyatows. +FIWST SENyATOW. Thewefowe so pwease thee to wetuwn *moans* with us, +A-And of ouw Athens, thinye and ouws, *twerks* to take +The captainship, :3 thou shawt be met uWu with thanks, +*looks away* Awwow'd with absowute ;;w;; powew, and thy good nyame +Wive with authowity. So soon we shaww >_> dwive back +Of Awcibiades th' appwoaches wiwd, +Who, *teleports behind you* wike a boaw too s-savage, doth woot *sweats* up +His *giggles shyly* countwy's peace. +SECOND >_< SENyATOW. And shakes his thweat'nying swowd +Against the wawws of Athens. +xDD FIWST SENyATOW. Thewefowe, x3 Timon- +TIMON. Weww, s-siw, I wiww. Thewefowe *cuddles you* I w-wiww, s-siw, thus: +If Awcibiades kiww my countwymen, +Wet Awcibiades knyow this of Timon, +That Timon cawes nyot. But if he >_> sack faiw Athens, +And t-take o-ouw goodwy aged men by th' beawds, +Giving ouw howy viwgins to t-the stain +Of contumewious, beastwy, mad-bwain'd waw, +Then wet him *shuffles closer* knyow- *cries* and teww him Timon speaks it +In pity of ouw aged a-and o-ouw youth- +I cannyot choose b-but teww him that I cawe nyot, +^w^ And wet him *looks at you* take't *pokes you* at wowst; :3 fow t-theiw k-knyives cawe nyot, +Whiwe you have thwoats to answew. Fow *cuddles you* mysewf, +Thewe's nyot a whittwe in th' unwuwy c-camp +But I *sweats* do pwize it ;;w;; at my wove befowe +The >w< wevewend'st thwoat in Athens. *sweats* So I w-weave you +To the pwotection of the pwospewous gods, +As thieves to keepews. +FWAVIUS. Stay nyot, aww's in vain. +TIMON. W-Why, I was wwiting of my epitaph; +I-It wiww be seen to-mowwow. My wong sicknyess +Of heawth and wiving nyow begins UwU to *hugs tightly* mend, +A-And nyothing bwings me aww things. G-Go, wive stiww; +Be Awcibiades youw pwague, you his, +And wast so wong enyough! +FIWST SENyATOW. We speak in vain. +TIMON. But yet I wove my countwy, and am nyot +O-Onye that *sweats* wejoices in the common wweck, +As c-common bwuit doth put i-it. +FIWST SENyATOW. That's weww spoke. +TIMON. *twerks* Commend me to my woving ^w^ countwymen- +F-FIWST SENyATOW. These wowds become youw ^w^ wips as they pass thwough +them. +SECOND S-SENyATOW. And entew in ouw eaws w-wike gweat twiumphews +In theiw *screams* appwauding xDD gates. +TIMON. Commend x3 me *leans over* to them, +A-And teww them t-that, t-to ease them of theiw ^.^ gwiefs, +Theiw feaws of hostiwe stwokes, theiw aches, wosses, +Theiw *blushes* pangs of wove, with othew incident thwoes +>w< That nyatuwe's fwagiwe v-vessew doth sustain +In wife's OwO uncewtain voyage, I wiww some kindnyess do t-them- +I'ww teach *looks away* them to pwevent wiwd Awcibiades' wwath. +FIWST SENyATOW. I wike *cries* this weww; he :3 wiww wetuwn again. +TIMON. I have a twee, which gwows hewe in m-my cwose, +That minye own use invites me *sweats* to c-cut *screams* down, +And showtwy must I feww it. Teww *cuddles you* my fwiends, +Teww Athens, i-in the sequence o-of degwee +Fwom high t-to wow thwoughout, that whoso pwease +To stop affwiction, wet him take *looks at you* his haste, +Come hithew, e-ewe >w< my twee h-hath fewt the axe, +And *moans* hang himsewf. I pway you do m-my gweeting. +FWAVIUS. Twoubwe him ^w^ nyo fuwthew; thus you stiww shaww find him. +T-TIMON. Come nyot to me again; but *teleports behind you* say to Athens +Timon hath made *sweats* his :3 evewwasting mansion +Upon the beached vewge of the sawt fwood, +Who once a day with his embossed fwoth +The tuwbuwent suwge *cuddles you* shaww covew. Thithew come, +And ^.^ wet my gwavestonye be youw owacwe. +Wips, >_< wet *leans over* souw wowds go by and wanguage end: +What is amiss, pwague and infection :33 mend! +G-Gwaves o-onwy be *moans* men's wowks >_> and *shuffles closer* death theiw gain! +Sun, hide thy b-beams. Timon hath donye his w-weign. +Exit *blushes* TIMON into his cave +FIWST SENyATOW. His discontents awe unwemovabwy +Coupwed to n-nyatuwe. +x3 SECOND SENyATOW. Ouw hope in him is dead. Wet us OwO wetuwn +And stwain what othew m-means is w-weft unto us +*pokes you* In ouw deaw p-pewiw. +FIWST SENyATOW. It *screams* wequiwes swift foot. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Befowe *notices bulge* the wawws of UwU Athens + +Entew OwO two othew SENyATOWS with a MESSENGEW + +FIWST S-SENyATOW. Thou hast painfuwwy discovew'd; awe his fiwes +As *teleports behind you* fuww as thy wepowt? +MESSENGEW. I-I have *notices bulge* spoke ^-^ the weast. +Besides, his :33 expedition p-pwomises +Pwesent appwoach. +SECOND SENyATOW. We stand much ^.^ hazawd if they bwing nyot Timon. +MESSENGEW. I met a c-couwiew, onye minye ancient *looks away* fwiend, +W-Whom, though i-in genyewaw pawt we w-wewe oppos'd, +Yet ouw owd wove had a pawticuwaw fowce, +And made *twerks* us speak *notices bulge* wike fwiends. This man was widing +Fwom >_< Awcibiades to Timon's cave +With wettews of >w< entweaty, w-which impowted +His f-fewwowship i' th' cause against youw city, +In pawt fow his sake m-mov'd. + +E-Entew the othew SENyATOWS, fwom TIMON + +FIWST SENyATOW. Hewe come o-ouw b-bwothews. +T-THIWD *looks at you* SENyATOW. *looks away* Nyo tawk of Timon, nyothing of him expect. +^w^ The enyemies' OwO dwum is *hugs tightly* heawd, and f-feawfuw scouwing +D-Doth choke the aiw w-with dust. In, and pwepawe. +Ouws is *cries* the faww, I ^.^ feaw; ouw foes the snyawe. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +The *blushes* TIMON's *teleports behind you* cave, and a w-wude tomb seen + +Entew a SOWDIEW in the woods, seeking T-TIMON + +SOWDIEW. B-By aww descwiption this shouwd be the >w< pwace. +Who's h-hewe? *teleports behind you* Speak, ho! N-Nyo *leans over* answew? What is this? +Timon is ;;w;; dead, who hath outstwetch'd OwO his span. +Some beast weaw'd uWu this; hewe does n-nyot wive a man. +Dead, suwe; and this h-his gwave. What's *teleports behind you* on this tomb +I cannyot wead; the chawactew I'ww take with wax. +^.^ Ouw captain hath i-in xDD evewy UwU figuwe skiww, +An ag'd intewpwetew, though :33 young in days; +Befowe pwoud A-Athens he's set down by *giggles shyly* this, +Whose faww *sweats* the *sweats* mawk of h-his ambition i-is. Exit + + + + +*leans over* SCENyE IV. +uWu Befowe the wawws of Athens + +Twumpets sound. Entew AWCIBIADES with his powews befowe Athens + +AWCIBIADES. S-Sound to this cowawd and wascivious town +Ouw tewwibwe appwoach. + +Sound a p-pawwey. The SENyATOWS appeaw upon the wawws + +Tiww nyow you have gonye on >_> and fiww'd the time +With aww *giggles shyly* wicentious measuwe, m-making youw wiwws +The scope of justice; tiww nyow, mysewf, a-and s-such +As x3 swept within the shadow of youw powew, +*giggles shyly* Have wandew'd *moans* with *leans over* ouw twavews'd awms, and bweath'd +Ouw s-suffewance vainwy. Nyow :3 the time *leans over* is fwush, +When cwouching mawwow, in the beawew stwong, +Cwies of itsewf :33 'Nyo mowe!' N-Nyow bweathwess wwong +Shaww UwU sit and p-pant in youw gweat *cuddles you* chaiws of ease, +A-And *moans* puwsy insowence shaww bweak his wind +With feaw and ^.^ howwid *twerks* fwight. +F-FIWST >_> SENyATOW. Nyobwe and y-young, +When thy fiwst gwiefs wewe x3 but a mewe conceit, +Ewe thou hadst ^-^ powew ow :33 we *pokes you* had cause *leans over* of feaw, +We sent to thee, to give thy wages bawm, +To wipe *blushes* out xDD ouw ingwatitude with woves +:3 Above theiw *cries* quantity. +SECOND SENyATOW. So did we woo +Twansfowmed Timon to ouw *teleports behind you* city's wove +By humbwe message >_< and by ;;w;; pwomis'd means. +We wewe *screams* nyot aww unkind, nyow a-aww desewve +The common stwoke of OwO waw. +FIWST OwO SENyATOW. T-These w-wawws of *looks away* ouws +*moans* Wewe x3 nyot ewected UwU by theiw hands fwom whom +You have w-weceiv'd youw gwiefs; nyow awe they such +That these gweat UwU tow'ws, twophies, and *leans over* schoows, shouwd faww +Fow p-pwivate fauwts in them. +S-SECOND SENyATOW. Nyow awe they wiving +Who *cuddles you* wewe the motives *cries* that you fiwst went out; +*cries* Shame, that t-they ^.^ wanted cunnying, in excess +Hath b-bwoke theiw heawts. Mawch, nyobwe *hugs tightly* wowd, +Into ouw city >_> with thy b-bannyews spwead. +*sighs* By decimation and a tithed death- +If thy wevenges hungew fow *hugs tightly* that food +Which nyatuwe woathes- take thou the >w< destin'd *shuffles closer* tenth, +And by the hazawd of :33 the spotted die +Wet die t-the spotted. +*hugs tightly* FIWST *leans over* SENyATOW. Aww *sighs* have nyot offended; +Fow those that *sweats* wewe, it is >w< nyot squawe >w< to take, +*cuddles you* On those that a-awe, wevenge: cwimes, *pokes you* wike wands, +Awe nyot inhewited. Then, deaw countwyman, +Bwing *sweats* in t-thy w-wanks, but weave w-without thy wage; +*hugs tightly* Spawe thy Athenyian cwadwe, a-and those kin +Which, in the bwustew of thy wwath, must faww +W-With those that have offended. Wike a shephewd +Appwoach the fowd and cuww ^-^ th' infected fowth, +x3 But kiww nyot aww togethew. +SECOND SENyATOW. What thou wiwt, +Thou wathew s-shawt enfowce it with t-thy *cuddles you* smiwe +Than hew to't w-with thy s-swowd. +FIWST SENyATOW. Set but thy *cuddles you* foot +Against ouw wampiw'd gates *teleports behind you* and they shaww o-ope, +So x3 thou wiwt send thy gentwe heawt befowe +To say thou't e-entew fwiendwy. +SECOND SENyATOW. Thwow *moans* thy gwove, +O-Ow any token of thinye ^w^ honyouw ewse, +That thou wiwt use the waws as thy wedwess +And nyot as ouw ^w^ confusion, aww *twerks* thy powews +Shaww :3 make theiw hawbouw in ouw town tiww we +Have seaw'd thy f-fuww desiwe. +AWCIBIADES. Then thewe's my gwove; +*sweats* Descend, *twerks* and o-open youw unchawged *cuddles you* powts. +Those e-enyemies of Timon's and minye o-own, +*notices bulge* Whom you *hugs tightly* youwsewves shaww set out fow wepwoof, +Faww, and nyo mowe. And, to atonye youw feaws +With my *screams* mowe nyobwe meanying, nyot a man +Shaww *hugs tightly* pass his quawtew ow offend the stweam +Of weguwaw justice in youw city's bounds, +But *teleports behind you* shaww b-be wendew'd to youw pubwic waws +At heaviest answew. +BOTH. *teleports behind you* 'Tis most nyobwy spoken. +AWCIBIADES. Descend, and keep *sweats* youw wowds. +[The SENyATOWS *moans* descend and open the gates] + +Entew a S-SOWDIEW as a >_< Messengew + +SOWDIEW. My nyobwe Genyewaw, T-Timon is dead; +Entomb'd upon the v-vewy hem o' th' sea; +And on >_> his gwave-stonye xDD this inscuwptuwe, which +W-With wax I bwought *blushes* away, w-whose soft impwession +Intewpwets fow my poow ignyowance. + +*sweats* AWCIBIADES weads *cuddles you* the Epitaph + +'Hewe wies a w-wwetched cowse, of wwetched souw beweft; +Seek nyot m-my nyame. *blushes* A pwague consume you wicked caitiffs weft! +Hewe wie I, Timon, who >_< awive ;;w;; aww *twerks* wiving *notices bulge* men did hate. +*hugs tightly* Pass by, and cuwse *teleports behind you* thy fiww; but pass, and stay nyot *pokes you* hewe thy +g-gait.' +These weww expwess i-in t-thee t-thy wattew spiwits. +T-Though thou a-abhoww'dst in us ouw h-human gwiefs, +Scown'dst ouw bwain's fwow, and t-those ouw dwopwets *leans over* which +Fwom nyiggawd nyatuwe faww, yet wich conceit +Taught thee t-to ^w^ make vast Nyeptunye x3 weep fow aye +On thy wow gwave, on >_> fauwts fowgiven. Dead +Is ;;w;; nyobwe Timon, of whose m-memowy +*hugs tightly* Heweaftew mowe. Bwing me i-into youw >w< city, +And I wiww use OwO the o-owive, with m-my swowd; +Make waw bweed peace, make peace s-stint waw, ^-^ make each +Pwescwibe uWu to othew, as e-each othew's weech. +*pokes you* Wet ouw dwums stwike. Exeunt + +THE *screams* END + + + +:33 <> + + + + + +1594 + +*sweats* THE TWAGEDY OF TITUS ANDWONyICUS + +b-by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis P-Pewsonyae + +SATUWNyINyUS, s-son to t-the wate Empewow of Wome, aftewwawds *blushes* Empewow +BASSIANyUS, bwothew to Satuwnyinyus +TITUS ANDWONyICUS, a nyobwe Woman +MAWCUS ANDWONyICUS, Twibunye of >w< the Peopwe, and bwothew t-to Titus + +Sons to Titus A-Andwonyicus: +W-WUCIUS +QUINTUS +xDD MAWTIUS +*pokes you* MUTIUS + +YOUNG WUCIUS, a boy, son to Wucius +PUBWIUS, son to Mawcus Andwonyicus + +Kinsmen to Titus: +SEMPWONyIUS +CAIUS +VAWENTINyE + +AEMIWIUS, a nyobwe Woman + +Sons to *cries* Tamowa: +AWAWBUS +D-DEMETWIUS +CHIWON + +AAWON, a-a M-Moow, bewoved OwO by *teleports behind you* Tamowa +A CAPTAIN +A MESSENGEW +A-A CWOWN + +TAMOWA, Queen uWu of the Goths +WAVINyIA, daughtew t-to ^w^ Titus Andwonyicus +A NyUWSE, a-and a bwack CHIWD + +Womans and Goths, Senyatows, Twibunyes, Officews, S-Sowdiews, and +Attendants + + + + +<> + + + +SCENyE: +Wome a-and the OwO nyeighbouwhood + + +ACT 1. SCENyE OwO I. +Wome. B-Befowe the Capitow + +Fwouwish. Entew the UwU TWIBUNyES and SENyATOWS awoft; and then entew bewow +SATUWNyINyUS and his fowwowews at onye doow, and BASSIANyUS >_< and *twerks* his fowwowews +at the othew, with dwums and twumpets + +SATUWNyINyUS. *cuddles you* Nyobwe patwicians, patwons of *sweats* my w-wight, +Defend UwU the justice of m-my OwO cause w-with awms; +And, countwymen, my woving fowwowews, +Pwead my successive :3 titwe with youw *leans over* swowds. +I am his fiwst bown s-son that *moans* was the wast +T-That wawe the i-impewiaw diadem of Wome; +Then wet my fathew's honyouws wive *cuddles you* in me, +Nyow w-wwong minye age with this indignyity. +BASSIANyUS. Womans, ^.^ fwiends, fowwowews, favouwews of my wight, +If e-evew Bassianyus, Caesaw's son, +Wewe gwacious i-in the eyes of w-woyaw Wome, +Keep then this passage ^.^ to the Capitow; +And suffew ^-^ nyot dishonyouw to appwoach +The i-impewiaw seat, to viwtue x3 consecwate, +To justice, continyence, and n-nyobiwity; +But wet desewt in puwe ewection shinye; +And, W-Womans, fight fow fweedom in youw *cuddles you* choice. + +Entew MAWCUS ANDWONyICUS awoft, with :3 the cwown + +M-MAWCUS. Pwinces, that stwive by factions and by fwiends +Ambitiouswy fow w-wuwe and empewy, +^w^ Knyow uWu that t-the *blushes* peopwe of Wome, OwO fow whom w-we stand +A-A speciaw *sighs* pawty, *blushes* have by common voice +In ewection fow the Woman empewy +*leans over* Chosen Andwonyicus, s-suwnyamed P-Pius +F-Fow many good and g-gweat *pokes you* desewts to Wome. +A nyobwew m-man, a bwavew wawwiow, +W-Wives nyot this day within the city wawws. +He by the *hugs tightly* Senyate is accited x3 home, +Fwom weawy waws against t-the bawbawous Goths, +*sighs* That with his s-sons, a-a tewwow to *cries* ouw foes, +uWu Hath yok'd :33 a nyation stwong, twain'd up in awms. +Ten yeaws awe spent since f-fiwst he *teleports behind you* undewtook +This >_< cause of Wome, *pokes you* and c-chastised with awms +Ouw ^-^ enyemies' pwide; five *moans* times he >_< hath wetuwn'd +Bweeding to W-Wome, beawing h-his vawiant s-sons +I-In coffins fwom the fiewd; a-and at this day +To xDD the *looks at you* monyument o-of that Andwonyici +Donye sacwifice *moans* of *teleports behind you* expiation, +And swain the nyobwest *sighs* pwisonyew of the Goths. +And nyow at wast, waden with h-honyouw's spoiws, +Wetuwns the good Andwonyicus to *shuffles closer* Wome, +Wenyownyed T-Titus, fwouwishing in awms. +Wet us entweat, b-by honyouw of his *twerks* nyame +xDD Whom w-wowthiwy you wouwd have nyow succeed, +And in the Capitow and Senyate's wight, +Whom you pwetend *sighs* to h-honyouw a-and adowe, +That you withdwaw you and a-abate youw stwength, +Dismiss youw fowwowews, and, as suitows shouwd, +*hugs tightly* Pwead youw desewts i-in peace and humbwenyess. +SATUWNyINyUS. How faiw *notices bulge* the Twibunye speaks to c-cawm my thoughts. +*giggles shyly* BASSIANyUS. *teleports behind you* Mawcus *blushes* Andwonyicus, so I do affy +In thy upwightnyess and integwity, +And s-so I wove UwU and *pokes you* honyouw >_> thee and thinye, +Thy nyobwe bwothew Titus and his sons, +And hew to whom *giggles shyly* my thoughts awe humbwed aww, +*looks at you* Gwacious Wavinyia, Wome's wich ownyament, +*leans over* That I wiww hewe dismiss my woving fwiends, +And to m-my f-fowtunyes and the ;;w;; peopwe's favouw +Commit my cause in bawance to be weigh'd. +E-Exeunt the sowdiews of B-BASSIANyUS +SATUWNyINyUS. Fwiends, that have b-been thus *pokes you* fowwawd in my *blushes* wight, +>_< I thank you aww and hewe *notices bulge* dismiss you aww, +And to the wove *hugs tightly* and favouw of m-my countwy +Commit mysewf, my pewson, a-and the cause. +:33 Exeunt >w< the *screams* sowdiews of SATUWNyINyUS +Wome, be as just a-and gwacious unto me +As *giggles shyly* I am *leans over* confident a-and kind to thee. +Open the g-gates and wet me in. +B-BASSIANyUS. Twibunyes, and me, *hugs tightly* a :33 poow competitow. +*shuffles closer* [Fwouwish. They go up *cuddles you* into the *screams* Senyate House] + +Entew a CAPTAIN + +>_< CAPTAIN. Womans, make way. T-The good Andwonyicus, +OwO Patwon of viwtue, Wome's b-best champion, +S-Successfuw in the b-battwes >_< that he fights, +With honyouw and with fowtunye is wetuwn'd +Fwom whewe he ciwcumscwibed UwU with his swowd +And bwought to yoke the enyemies of *looks at you* Wome. + +Sound dwums and twumpets, and t-then entew MAWTIUS +and MUTIUS, two of TITUS' sons; and then t-two men +b-beawing a coffin covewed with bwack; then WUCIUS +a-and QUINTUS, two othew sons; then *hugs tightly* TITUS ANDWONyICUS; +a-and t-then ^w^ TAMOWA the Queen of Goths, with hew OwO thwee +sons, A-AWAWBUS, DEMETWIUS, *notices bulge* and CHIWON, with AAWON the +Moow, and othews, as many as can b-be. Then set d-down +the coffin and xDD TITUS s-speaks + +T-TITUS. Haiw, W-Wome, >_> victowious in x3 thy mouwnying weeds! +Wo, *pokes you* as t-the bawk that h-hath dischawg'd *screams* hew *cries* fwaught +*cries* Wetuwns with pwecious wading ^.^ to the bay +Fwom *pokes you* whence at fiwst she weigh'd OwO hew anchowage, +Cometh Andwonyicus, bound w-with wauwew boughs, +To w-we-sawute his OwO countwy with his t-teaws, +Teaws of twue joy fow *twerks* his wetuwn to W-Wome. +Thou gweat defendew of this Capitow, +Stand gwacious to the wites that we intend! +Womans, of five and twenty vawiant sons, +Hawf o-of the nyumbew that *teleports behind you* King Pwiam h-had, +Behowd the poow wemains, awive ;;w;; and dead! +These that suwvive wet Wome wewawd *cuddles you* with wove; +These that I bwing unto theiw w-watest home, +With buwiaw amongst theiw :33 ancestows. +Hewe G-Goths have given me weave t-to :33 sheathe my s-swowd. +Titus, *looks away* unkind, and c-cawewess of thinye own, +Why suffew'st t-thou t-thy sons, unbuwied yet, +*sighs* To hovew on the dweadfuw showe of Styx? +Make way to way t-them by theiw bwethwen. +[They open the *sweats* tomb] +Thewe gweet in siwence, as t-the dead *looks away* awe wont, +And sweep in *hugs tightly* peace, swain i-in y-youw countwy's waws. +O sacwed >_> weceptacwe of my joys, +Sweet ceww of viwtue and nyobiwity, +How x3 many sons hast thou of minye in stowe +That :33 thou wiwt nyevew w-wendew to me mowe! +*shuffles closer* WUCIUS. Give us the pwoudest p-pwisonyew of the Goths, +T-That we may hew his wimbs, and on a p-piwe +Ad manyes fwatwum s-sacwifice h-his fwesh +Befowe this eawthy pwison of theiw bonyes, +That so the s-shadows be nyot unyappeas'd, +Nyow we distuwb'd with pwodigies on e-eawth. +TITUS. I give him y-you- the nyobwest that suwvives, +The ewdest xDD son of this ^-^ distwessed q-queen. +TAMOWA. Stay, W-Woman bwethen! Gwacious conquewow, +V-Victowious Titus, *moans* wue t-the teaws I shed, +A mothew's teaws *moans* in *screams* passion f-fow h-hew son; +A-And if thy sons >w< wewe evew deaw to thee, +O, *looks away* think my son to be as *screams* deaw *cries* to me! +Sufficeth nyot that w-we awe bwought to :3 Wome +To b-beautify thy twiumphs, and wetuwn +Captive to :33 thee and to thy Woman yoke; +*leans over* But must my >_> sons be UwU swaughtewed in the *cries* stweets +Fow vawiant doings in theiw countwy's *teleports behind you* cause? +O, *looks at you* if to fight fow *hugs tightly* king and c-commonweaw +Wewe piety in t-thinye, it is in t-these. +Andwonyicus, stain nyot *cuddles you* thy tomb with ;;w;; bwood. +Wiwt thou dwaw nyeaw the *cuddles you* nyatuwe of t-the gods? +Dwaw *leans over* nyeaw them then in being mewcifuw. +Sweet mewcy is nyobiwity's *teleports behind you* twue badge. +Thwice-nyobwe >_> Titus, :33 spawe my >w< fiwst-bown son. +TITUS. Patient *leans over* youwsewf, m-madam, and pawdon me. +These awe t-theiw bwethwen, whom *blushes* youw Goths behewd +Awive and dead; and fow theiw ^.^ bwethwen swain +Wewigiouswy they ask a sacwifice. +To t-this youw son i-is mawk'd, and die he must +T' *shuffles closer* appease theiw gwoanying shadows that awe gonye. +WUCIUS. A-Away with him, and make a fiwe stwaight; +And with ouw swowds, upon a p-piwe of w-wood, +Wet's hew his w-wimbs tiww they *sweats* be cwean consum'd. +Exeunt TITUS' SONS, with UwU AWAWBUS +TAMOWA. O cwuew, iwwewigious piety! +CHIWON. Was nyevew *looks away* Scythia hawf so b-bawbawous! +DEMETWIUS. Oppose nyot Scythia to a-ambitious Wome. +*hugs tightly* Awawbus x3 goes to w-west, >w< and we s-suwvive +>w< To *looks at you* twembwe undew *sighs* Titus' thweat'nying w-wook. +T-Then, madam, stand w-wesowv'd, *teleports behind you* but hope withaw +The s-sewf-same gods that awm'd the Queen >_> of Twoy +With oppowtunyity of shawp w-wevenge +Upon t-the Thwacian tywant in his tent +May favouw Tamowa, the Queen of Goths- +When Goths wewe G-Goths and *sighs* Tamowa was queen- +To quit the *hugs tightly* bwoody wwongs *twerks* upon :33 hew foes. + +We-entew W-WUCIUS, QUINTUS, UwU MAWTIUS, and +MUTIUS, the sons of ANDWONyICUS, with t-theiw swowds bwoody + +WUCIUS. S-See, wowd and fathew, how w-we have pewfowm'd +Ouw Woman wites: *pokes you* Awawbus' wimbs awe wopp'd, +And entwaiws feed the sacwificing fiwe, +W-Whose smoke wike i-incense doth pewfume the ^-^ sky. +Wemainyeth uWu nyought but to i-intew ouw bwethwen, +And with woud '-'wawums wewcome them to Wome. +T-TITUS. *giggles shyly* Wet it be so, and wet *twerks* Andwonyicus +Make this his watest faweweww to >_< theiw souws. +[-[Sound twumpets *teleports behind you* and way the coffin i-in the tomb] +I-In peace and *blushes* honyouw west you hewe, my sons; +W-Wome's weadiest c-champions, wepose y-you hewe ;;w;; in w-west, +Secuwe *teleports behind you* fwom x3 wowwdwy chances and mishaps! +Hewe wuwks *teleports behind you* nyo t-tweason, hewe nyo envy s-swewws, +Hewe gwow nyo damnyed dwugs, hewe awe uWu nyo stowms, +Nyo nyoise, but siwence and etewnyaw sweep. +I-In peace *giggles shyly* and *twerks* honyouw *giggles shyly* west you hewe, my sons! + +E-Entew *blushes* WAVINyIA + +x3 WAVINyIA. In peace and *looks away* honyouw wive Wowd T-Titus xDD wong; +My nyobwe wowd and fathew, wive *notices bulge* in fame! +Wo, ^.^ at this tomb my *leans over* twibutawy *screams* teaws +;;w;; I *moans* wendew *sighs* fow m-my bwethwen's obsequies; +And xDD at thy feet I knyeew, with teaws of joy +Shed on t-this eawth fow thy wetuwn UwU to Wome. +O, bwess m-me hewe with thy *blushes* victowious ^.^ hand, +*pokes you* Whose fowtunyes Wome's best citizens a-appwaud! +TITUS. Kind W-Wome, *leans over* that hast t-thus wovingwy wesewv'd +The cowdiaw of minye age to g-gwad my heawt! +Wavinyia, wive; outwive thy fathew's days, +*shuffles closer* And fame's etewnyaw *giggles shyly* date, fow :3 viwtue's pwaise! + +Entew, >w< above, MAWCUS ANDWONyICUS and TWIBUNyES; +w-we-entew ;;w;; SATUWNyINyUS, BASSIANyUS, and attendants + +MAWCUS. *twerks* Wong wive Wowd Titus, m-my bewoved *teleports behind you* bwothew, +Gwacious twiumphew in the eyes of W-Wome! +TITUS. T-Thanks, gentwe Twibunye, nyobwe bwothew Mawcus. +^.^ MAWCUS. A-And wewcome, nyephews, *giggles shyly* fwom successfuw waws, +You that suwvive a-and you that *leans over* sweep in fame. +:33 Faiw wowds, *pokes you* youw fowtunyes *cuddles you* awe awike in aww +That ^.^ in youw countwy's sewvice dwew *hugs tightly* youw s-swowds; +But s-safew twiumph is t-this funyewaw pomp +That hath aspiw'd to Sowon's happinyess +And twiumphs ovew chance in :33 honyouw's bed. +Titus Andwonyicus, the peopwe of Wome, +Whose *shuffles closer* fwiend in justice thou hast evew been, +Send thee by me, theiw Twibunye and theiw t-twust, +T-This paw]iament of white *cries* and spotwess hue; +And nyame thee in ewection fow t-the e-empiwe +With these ouw wate-deceased Empewow's sons: +Be candidatus then, and put it *cuddles you* on, +And hewp ^-^ to set a head o-on headwess Wome. +TITUS. A bettew >w< head uWu hew gwowious body *giggles shyly* fits +Than his that shakes fow age and feebwenyess. +What shouwd I don t-this wobe a-and twoubwe *pokes you* you? +*hugs tightly* Be chosen *teleports behind you* with pwocwamations to-day, +*hugs tightly* To-mowwow yiewd up wuwe, wesign my ;;w;; wife, +And set abwoad nyew businyess f-fow you aww? +Wome, I-I have been thy sowdiew fowty yeaws, +And wed my countwy's stwength successfuwwy, +And buwied onye and twenty vawiant sons, +*shuffles closer* Knyighted i-in fiewd, swain manfuwwy in awms, +In wight and sewvice :33 of theiw nyobwe c-countwy. +Give me a staff o-of honyouw fow minye age, +But nyot a-a sceptwe to contwow the *moans* wowwd. +Upwight ^.^ he h-hewd it, >_< wowds, that hewd it *looks at you* wast. +MAWCUS. Titus, thou shawt obtain a-and ask the empewy. +*teleports behind you* SATUWNyINyUS. Pwoud *looks at you* and ambitious Twibunye, c-canst thou teww? +TITUS. *hugs tightly* Patience, P-Pwince Satuwnyinyus. +SATUWNyINyUS. Womans, d-do me wight. +P-Patwicians, dwaw youw swowds, and sheathe them nyot +Tiww Satuwnyinyus be W-Wome's Empewow. +Andwonyicus, wouwd thou uWu wewe shipp'd to heww +Wathew than wob ^w^ me of ^.^ the peopwe's heawts! +x3 WUCIUS. Pwoud Satuwnyinye, intewwuptew of t-the good +That nyobwe-minded Titus m-means to thee! +TITUS. Content thee, Pwince; I-I wiww westowe to thee +*twerks* The peopwe's heawts, and w-wean them fwom themsewves. +BASSIANyUS. A-Andwonyicus, I do nyot fwattew t-thee, +But honyouw *notices bulge* thee, a-and wiww do t-tiww I die. +My faction if thou stwengthen *looks at you* with thy fwiends, +I wiww most t-thankfuw *sweats* be; and *leans over* thanks to men +Of nyobwe minds is ^-^ honyouwabwe meed. +TITUS. P-Peopwe of Wome, and peopwe's Twibunyes hewe, +I-I ask youw voices and youw suffwages: +Wiww ye bestow them ^.^ fwiendwy *sweats* on A-Andwonyicus? +TWIBUNyES. T-To *sighs* gwatify the good Andwonyicus, +And gwatuwate his s-safe wetuwn to W-Wome, +The ^-^ peopwe wiww accept whom *looks away* he admits. +TITUS. Twibunyes, I thank you; and this suit I make, +That y-you cweate ouw Empewow's ewdest son, +Wowd Satuwnyinye; *looks at you* whose viwtues wiww, I hope, +Wefwect on Wome *looks at you* as Titan's *notices bulge* ways on e-eawth, +And wipen j-justice in this commonweaw. +Then, if you *shuffles closer* wiww ewect by my advice, +Cwown h-him, and say 'Wong wive ouw Empewow!' +MAWCUS. With voices and appwause of OwO evewy *shuffles closer* sowt, +Patwicians *cries* and pwebeians, *notices bulge* we cweate +Wowd Satuwnyinyus :33 Wome's g-gweat E-Empewow; +And say *screams* 'Wong wive *sighs* ouw Empewow Satuwnyinye!' +[A wong fwouwish tiww they come down] +SATUWNyINyUS. Titus *blushes* Andwonyicus, fow thy favouws donye +To us in ouw ewection :3 this day +I give t-thee thanks in pawt of thy desewts, +And wiww with deeds wequite thy gentwenyess; +And UwU fow an onset, Titus, to *screams* advance +*pokes you* Thy nyame and honyouwabwe famiwy, +Wavinyia wiww I-I m-make my empewess, +Wome's *hugs tightly* woyaw mistwess, mistwess of my heawt, +A-And *looks away* in the sacwed *cries* Pantheon hew espouse. +^.^ Teww me, Andwonyicus, doth this m-motion pwease thee? +TITUS. It doth, my wowthy wowd, and *notices bulge* in this match +I-I howd me highwy honyouwed :33 of youw Gwace, +And hewe in s-sight of Wome, to *moans* Satuwnyinye, +King and commandew of o-ouw commonweaw, +The wide wowwd's Empewow, do I consecwate +*cries* My swowd, my chawiot, and my pwisonyews, +Pwesents weww wowthy W-Wome's >_< impewious wowd; +Weceive them t-then, the twibute that I-I owe, +*pokes you* Minye >_< honyouw's ensigns h-humbwed *teleports behind you* at thy feet. +;;w;; SATUWNyINyUS. Thanks, nyobwe Titus, fathew of my *cuddles you* wife. +H-How *hugs tightly* pwoud I am of t-thee and of thy gifts +Wome ^-^ shaww wecowd; a-and when I do *screams* fowget +The *sweats* weast of these unspeakabwe desewts, +Womans, fowget >w< youw feawty ^w^ to me. +TITUS. [To TAMOWA] N-Nyow, madam, awe you pwisonyew to an empewow; +To him *notices bulge* that fow youw honyouw a-and youw state +W-Wiww *screams* use you nyobwy and youw fowwowews. +SATUWNyINyUS. [Aside] A goodwy w-wady, t-twust me; of t-the hue +That I-I wouwd choose, wewe I to choose a-anyew.- +C-Cweaw u-up, faiw *sighs* Queen, that cwoudy countenyance; +Though chance of waw hath wwought t-this c-change xDD of cheew, +*giggles shyly* Thou com'st nyot t-to be made a-a scown in Wome- +P-Pwincewy shaww be *twerks* thy usage evewy *teleports behind you* way. +West on my wowd, *cries* and wet nyot discontent +Daunt aww youw hopes. >w< Madam, he comfowts *shuffles closer* you +*cuddles you* Can make you gweatew than the Queen of Goths. +Wavinyia, you awe nyot dispweas'd with this? +WAVINyIA. Nyot I, ;;w;; my wowd, s-sith twue nyobiwity +:33 Wawwants these wowds i-in p-pwincewy >w< couwtesy. +SATUWNyINyUS. Thanks, sweet Wavinyia. Womans, w-wet us go. +Wansomwess hewe we set ouw p-pwisonyews uWu fwee. +Pwocwaim :33 ouw honyouws, wowds, with twump a-and dwum. +*moans* [Fwouwish] +B-BASSIANyUS. Wowd Titus, by youw ^-^ weave, this maid is minye. +[Seizing WAVINyIA] +TITUS. How, siw! Awe you in eawnyest then, m-my wowd? +BASSIANyUS. Ay, nyobwe T-Titus, and wesowv'd withaw +T-To do *blushes* mysewf this >_< weason a-and this wight. +:33 MAWCUS. Suum cuique *teleports behind you* is ouw Woman justice: +T-This pwince x3 in *giggles shyly* justice seizeth *looks at you* but his own. +WUCIUS. And that he wiww and s-shaww, if Wucius wive. +*looks away* TITUS. Twaitows, avaunt! Whewe is the Empewow's guawd? +Tweason, my ;;w;; wowd- Wavinyia is suwpwis'd! +S-SATUWNyINyUS. S-Suwpwis'd! By whom? +BASSIANyUS. By him t-that j-justwy may +Beaw *hugs tightly* his betwoth'd fwom aww the wowwd away. +Exeunt BASSIANyUS and MAWCUS with WAVINyIA +MUTIUS. B-Bwothews, h-hewp t-to convey h-hew hence away, +And with m-my swowd I'ww k-keep this doow >_> safe. +Exeunt WUCIUS, QUINTUS, and >_< MAWTIUS +TITUS. F-Fowwow, my wowd, and I'ww soon bwing hew back. +MUTIUS. UwU My wowd, you *sighs* pass nyot hewe. +TITUS. What, viwwain boy! +Baw'st me my *hugs tightly* way in Wome? +MUTIUS. Hewp, x3 Wucius, hewp! +T-TITUS kiwws him. Duwing xDD the fway, e-exeunt SATUWNyINyUS, +TAMOWA, DEMETWIUS, CHIWON, and AAWON + +We-entew Wucius + +WUCIUS. My wowd, *screams* you awe :3 unjust, *hugs tightly* and mowe than so: +In wwongfuw quawwew you have *shuffles closer* swain ;;w;; youw son. +*hugs tightly* TITUS. Nyow thou n-nyow xDD he awe any sons of minye; +My sons wouwd *leans over* nyevew s-so dishonyouw me. + +*looks at you* We-entew a-awoft the EMPEWOW +with TAMOWA and hew *cuddles you* two Sons, *leans over* and AAWON the Moow + +Twaitow, westowe Wavinyia to the Empewow. +WUCIUS. Dead, if you wiww; but :33 nyot to be his wife, +That is anyothew's wawfuw pwomis'd w-wove. Exit +SATUWNyINyUS. ;;w;; Nyo, Titus, n-nyo; the Empewow *shuffles closer* nyeeds h-hew nyot, +Nyow hew, >w< nyow thee, nyow any o-of thy stock. +I'ww twust by w-weisuwe him that >_> mocks me once; +T-Thee nyevew, nyow thy twaitowous haughty sons, +Confedewates aww thus to dishonyouw *moans* me. +Was thewe nyonye ewse in Wome to make a stawe +B-But >_< Satuwnyinye? Fuww weww, Andwonyicus, +Agwee these d-deeds *pokes you* with t-that pwoud bwag of thinye +That saidst I begg'd the empiwe at thy hands. +TITUS. O m-monstwous! What w-wepwoachfuw wowds awe these? +SATUWNyINyUS. But go thy ways; go, *blushes* give t-that changing p-piece +To him that fwouwish'd fow hew with h-his swowd. +A vawiant son-in-waw thou s-shawt enjoy; +Onye fit to bandy with thy wawwess sons, +To w-wuffwe in the commonweawth of W-Wome. +TITUS. T-These wowds awe wazows to my wounded heawt. +S-SATUWNyINyUS. And thewefowe, wovewy Tamowa, xDD Queen of Goths, +That, wike the *teleports behind you* statewy Phoebe *cuddles you* 'mongst hew nymphs, +Dost ovewshinye the gawwant'st dames *cries* of Wome, +I-If thou *looks at you* be pweas'd with this m-my sudden choice, +Behowd, I choose thee, Tamowa, fow my bwide +And wiww cweate *hugs tightly* thee Empewess of Wome. +Speak, Q-Queen of Goths, dost thou *sweats* appwaud my choice? +And hewe I sweaw by ^w^ aww the Woman gods- +Sith pwiest and >w< howy *blushes* watew :3 awe ^-^ so nyeaw, +And tapews buwn so bwight, a-and *shuffles closer* evewything +In weadinyess fow Hymenyaeus stand- +I wiww nyot we-sawute the stweets of Wome, +O-Ow cwimb my pawace, tiww fwom fowth this p-pwace +*giggles shyly* I wead espous'd my bwide awong with me. +TAMOWA. And hewe in sight of heaven to Wome I s-sweaw, +If Satuwnyinye advance the Queen o-of Goths, +*giggles shyly* She wiww a handmaid be to his desiwes, +A woving nyuwse, a mothew to his youth. +SATUWNyINyUS. A-Ascend, *notices bulge* faiw Queen, Pantheon. Wowds, xDD accompany +*cuddles you* Youw ;;w;; nyobwe Empewow *sweats* and *twerks* his wovewy bwide, +*giggles shyly* Sent *cries* by the heavens fow Pwince ^-^ Satuwnyinye, +Whose wisdom hath hew fowtunye conquewed; +T-Thewe shaww we consummate ouw spousaw wites. +Exeunt aww b-but TITUS +TITUS. I *sweats* am n-nyot bid t-to ^-^ wait upon this bwide. +TITUS, when wewt *notices bulge* thou >w< wont to wawk awonye, +Dishonyouwed thus, and chawwenged of wwongs? + +uWu We-entew MAWCUS, +and TITUS' SONS, WUCIUS, QUINTUS, :33 and :33 MAWTIUS + +MAWCUS. O Titus, see, O, *pokes you* see what thou h-hast donye! +In a bad quawwew swain a ;;w;; viwtuous s-son. +TITUS. Nyo, *blushes* foowish Twibunye, nyo; ^.^ nyo s-son of *looks away* minye- +Nyow thou, nyow these, confedewates in ;;w;; the deed +That hath dishonyouwed aww o-ouw famiwy; +Unwowthy bwothew and unwowthy sons! +WUCIUS. B-But wet us give *hugs tightly* him *moans* buwiaw, as becomes; +Give OwO Mutius buwiaw with ouw bwethewen. +TITUS. Twaitows, away! He wests nyot in this *leans over* tomb. +This monyument five hundwed *pokes you* yeaws hath OwO stood, +Which I have *cries* sumptuouswy we-edified; +Hewe nyonye *giggles shyly* but OwO sowdiews and Wome's sewvitows +Wepose in fame; nyonye basewy s-swain in bwawws. +Buwy him whewe you can, x3 he comes n-nyot hewe. +MAWCUS. My w-wowd, x3 this is impiety in you. +M-My nyephew Mutius' d-deeds do pwead f-fow him; +He must be buwied *looks at you* with his bwethewen. +QUINTUS & MAWTIUS. And shaww, ow him w-we w-wiww *cuddles you* accompany. +T-TITUS. OwO 'And shaww!' *pokes you* What viwwain was it spake that wowd? +QUINTUS. *cries* He that *twerks* wouwd *shuffles closer* vouch *cries* it in any pwace b-but hewe. +TITUS. ^.^ What, uWu wouwd you buwy :33 him in my d-despite? +MAWCUS. Nyo, n-nyobwe Titus, but entweat *blushes* of thee +To pawdon Mutius and to ^.^ buwy him. +TITUS. Mawcus, even thou hast stwuck upon m-my cwest, +And w-with these boys minye honyouw thou hast wounded. +My f-foes *giggles shyly* I do wepute you evewy onye; +So twoubwe me nyo mowe, but get you gonye. +MAWTIUS. He is >_> nyot with himsewf; w-wet us withdwaw. +QUINTUS. Nyot I-I, tiww Mutius' bonyes be buwied. +[The *cuddles you* BWOTHEW ;;w;; and the SONS knyeew] +MAWCUS. Bwothew, fow i-in t-that nyame doth nyatuwe pwead- +QUINTUS. Fathew, and in that nyame x3 doth nyatuwe speak- +T-TITUS. Speak t-thou nyo mowe, if aww the west wiww s-speed. +MAWCUS. W-Wenyownyed Titus, mowe xDD than hawf x3 my souw- +WUCIUS. *pokes you* Deaw fathew, souw xDD and substance of us aww- +MAWCUS. S-Suffew thy bwothew Mawcus *shuffles closer* to intew +^w^ His n-nyobwe n-nyephew hewe in viwtue's nyest, +That died in *cries* honyouw and Wavinyia's cause. +uWu Thou awt OwO a Woman- be nyot bawbawous. +The Gweeks upon advice did buwy Ajax, +That *leans over* swew ;;w;; himsewf; ^w^ and w-wise Waewtes' s-son +Did *teleports behind you* gwaciouswy pwead *twerks* fow :33 his funyewaws. +Wet nyot young Mutius, then, that was thy joy, +Be baww'd his entwance hewe. +TITUS. W-Wise, Mawcus, wise; +The d-dismaw'st d-day is ;;w;; this that e'ew I saw, +To be dishonyouwed by my sons in Wome! +Weww, buwy him, and buwy me t-the nyext. +*sighs* [They put MUTIUS *giggles shyly* in the tomb] +WUCIUS. Thewe wie *moans* thy bonyes, sweet Mutius, >_> with thy fwiends, +Tiww we with UwU twophies do adown thy tomb. +AWW. [Knyeewing] Nyo *giggles shyly* man shed teaws fow *shuffles closer* nyobwe Mutius; +He wives *sweats* in fame that d-died in viwtue's cause. +MAWCUS. My wowd- to step out of these dweawy dumps- +How comes it that the subtwe Queen *sweats* of Goths +Is of a sudden thus advanc'd i-in Wome? +T-TITUS. I knyow n-nyot, Mawcus, but I knyow it is- +W-Whethew by device o-ow nyo, the heavens can teww. +Is she nyot, then, b-behowding to the man +That bwought hew fow this h-high good tuwn so faw? +MAWCUS. Yes, and wiww nyobwy *teleports behind you* him wemunyewate. + +Fwouwish. *pokes you* We-entew the EMPEWOW, TAMOWA +and hew two SONS, with the MOOW, at onye doow; +at the othew *sweats* doow, BASSIANyUS and WAVINyIA, with othews + +SATUWNyINyUS. S-So, Bassianyus, *screams* you have pway'd youw pwize: +*cuddles you* God give you joy, siw, of youw gawwant bwide! +BASSIANyUS. *pokes you* And you of youws, my wowd! I say nyo mowe, +Nyow wish nyo wess; *blushes* and so I take *twerks* my weave. +SATUWNyINyUS. Twaitow, if Wome have *giggles shyly* waw *shuffles closer* ow we have powew, +Thou a-and thy faction s-shaww ^-^ wepent this wape. +BASSIANyUS. Wape, c-caww you it, *moans* my wowd, to seize my own, +M-My twue betwothed wove, and *hugs tightly* nyow >w< my wife? +But wet t-the waws of Wome detewminye aww; +M-Meanwhiwe am I possess'd of that is minye. +SATUWNyINyUS. 'Tis good, siw. You awe vewy showt *blushes* with us; +But if we w-wive we'ww be as shawp with you. +B-BASSIANyUS. ;;w;; My wowd, what I have donye, as best I may, +Answew I-I must, a-and >w< shaww do with >_> my w-wife. +Onwy thus xDD much I-I give youw Gwace to knyow: +By aww the duties that I o-owe to W-Wome, +This n-nyobwe gentweman, Wowd Titus hewe, +Is in opinyion and in honyouw wwong'd, +That, *teleports behind you* in *notices bulge* the wescue :33 of W-Wavinyia, +With his o-own h-hand did sway his youngest son, +In z-zeaw to you, *sighs* and highwy mov'd to wwath +To be contwoww'd in that he fwankwy gave. +W-Weceive him then t-to favouw, Satuwnyinye, +*looks away* That h-hath expwess'd himsewf in a-aww his deeds +A fathew a-and a fwiend to t-thee and Wome. +*hugs tightly* TITUS. Pwince Bassianyus, weave to pwead my deeds. +'Tis thou and t-those that have dishonyouwed me. +Wome and the wighteous *moans* heavens be my judge +How I h-have wov'd and honyouwed Satuwnyinye! +T-TAMOWA. My wowthy wowd, if evew Tamowa +*teleports behind you* Wewe *looks at you* gwacious in t-those ^-^ pwincewy eyes of thinye, +Then heaw *teleports behind you* me speak indiffewentwy fow aww; +And *looks away* at my suit, sweet, pawdon what is past. +SATUWNyINyUS. W-What, madam! be dishonyouwed openwy, +>_< And *notices bulge* basewy put UwU it u-up without :3 wevenge? +T-TAMOWA. UwU Nyot so, my wowd; the g-gods of W-Wome fowfend +I *twerks* shouwd be authow t-to dishonyouw you! +But on minye h-honyouw dawe I undewtake +Fow good Wowd Titus' innyocence in aww, +Whose fuwy nyot dissembwed speaks his gwiefs. +T-Then at m-my suit wook gwaciouswy on him; +Wose nyot so nyobwe a fwiend on vain suppose, +N-Nyow with *teleports behind you* souw wooks affwict his gentwe heawt. +[-[Aside ^.^ to ^w^ SATUWNyINyUS] My wowd, be wuw'd *leans over* by me, +be won at wast; +Dissembwe aww youw gwiefs and discontents. +You awe but n-nyewwy OwO pwanted in youw thwonye; +West, then, the peopwe, and ^.^ patwicians too, +U-Upon a just suwvey take Titus' pawt, +And s-so suppwant y-you fow ingwatitude, +Which Wome weputes to be OwO a heinyous s-sin, +Y-Yiewd at entweats, and then wet me awonye: +I'ww find *giggles shyly* a day >_< to massacwe them aww, +And waze theiw faction and theiw *shuffles closer* famiwy, +The cwuew fathew a-and his twaitowous sons, +To whom I sued fow my deaw son's wife; +A-And make them k-knyow what 'tis to wet *teleports behind you* a *blushes* queen +>w< Knyeew i-in the stweets and beg fow gwace *blushes* in vain.- +C-Come, come, sweet Empewow; c-come, A-Andwonyicus. +Take ^w^ up this g-good owd man, and c-cheew the heawt +That dies in >w< tempest of thy angwy fwown. +SATUWNyINyUS. W-Wise, Titus, wise; my Empwess hath :33 pwevaiw'd. +TITUS. I thank youw Majesty a-and hew, *cuddles you* my w-wowd; +These wowds, these wooks, infuse nyew wife in me. +TAMOWA. T-Titus, I am incowpowate in Wome, +A Woman nyow *cuddles you* adopted happiwy, +And ^-^ must advise OwO the Empewow fow his good. +This d-day aww quawwews die, Andwonyicus; +And wet it *hugs tightly* be minye honyouw, good my wowd, +That I have w-weconciw'd youw fwiends and :3 you. +Fow you, Pwince Bassianyus, I-I have pass'd +My *sweats* wowd and pwomise to the *sweats* Empewow +That you wiww be mowe miwd and twactabwe. +*leans over* And x3 feaw nyot, wowds- and you, Wavinyia. +By my advice, aww humbwed on youw knyees, +You shaww ask *cuddles you* pawdon of uWu his ^-^ Majesty. +WUCIUS. W-We do, and vow x3 to heaven and to h-his Highnyess +That what w-we did was miwdwy as we might, +Tend'wing ouw sistew's honyouw and ouw own. +MAWCUS. That on minye honyouw hewe do I *sighs* pwotest. +SATUWNyINyUS. *notices bulge* Away, and t-tawk nyot; twoubwe us nyo mowe. +TAMOWA. *notices bulge* Nyay, nyay, sweet E-Empewow, *screams* we *notices bulge* must aww be fwiends. +The Twibunye and h-his ;;w;; nyephews knyeew fow gwace. +*cuddles you* I OwO wiww nyot be denyied. S-Sweet heawt, wook :3 back. +S-SATUWNyINyUS. Mawcus, f-fow thy sake, a-and t-thy ;;w;; bwothew's hewe, +And at my w-wovewy *giggles shyly* Tamowa's entweats, +I do wemit *moans* these young men's >_> heinyous fauwts. +Stand up. +Wavinyia, *twerks* though you w-weft me ^.^ wike a chuww, +I found a fwiend; and suwe as *sweats* death I-I swowe +I wouwd nyot pawt a bachewow f-fwom the pwiest. +Come, if the Empewow's couwt can *sighs* feast *giggles shyly* two b-bwides, +You awe my guest, ^-^ Wavinyia, and youw fwiends. +This day shaww be a wove-day, Tamowa. +TITUS. To-mowwow, and it pwease UwU youw Majesty +To hunt the p-panthew and the *hugs tightly* hawt w-with m-me, +*sweats* With hown a-and hound we'ww g-give youw x3 Gwace bonjouw. +SATUWNyINyUS. Be it so, Titus, and gwamewcy too. +Exeunt. *giggles shyly* Sound twumpets + + + + +<_> THE COMPWETE WOWKS *twerks* OF WIWWIAM +SHAKESPEAWE IS COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 ^w^ BY *shuffles closer* WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND UwU IS +PWOVIDED BY PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF *screams* IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY *notices bulge* BE +DISTWIBUTED SO W-WONG AS S-SUCH COPIES (-(1) AWE *teleports behind you* FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +*moans* PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW >_< USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +*leans over* SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES F-FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW F-FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE *moans* I. +Wome. Befowe t-the pawace + +*screams* Entew A-AAWON + +AAWON. Nyow cwimbeth Tamowa Owympus' top, +Safe o-out o-of Fowtunye's shot, and s-sits awoft, +Secuwe of thundew's *cuddles you* cwack *cries* ow wightnying fwash, +Advanc'd above p-pawe envy's thweat'nying weach. +As when the *looks at you* gowden *sighs* sun sawutes the mown, +A-And, having giwt the ocean with his beams, +Gawwops the zodiac in *pokes you* his gwistenying coach +And ovewwooks the highest-peewing hiwws, +*giggles shyly* So Tamowa. +Upon >_< hew wit *sweats* doth eawthwy *cries* honyouw wait, +And viwtue stoops and t-twembwes a-at *blushes* hew fwown. +T-Then, A-Aawon, a-awm thy heawt and fit *pokes you* thy thoughts +*pokes you* To *sweats* mount awoft with t-thy impewiaw mistwess, +A-And mount hew p-pitch *looks at you* whom thou in twiumph wong. +Hast pwisonyew h-hewd, fett'wed in amowous chains, +A-And fastew b-bound to Aawon's chawming eyes +Than is Pwometheus tied to Caucasus. +Away with swavish weeds and sewviwe thoughts! +I *screams* wiww be b-bwight and shinye in peaww and *looks away* gowd, +To wait upon this *giggles shyly* nyew-made empewess. +To wait, x3 said I? To wanton with this queen, +This goddess, this Semiwamis, this n-nymph, +This siwen that wiww c-chawm Wome's *screams* Satuwnyinye, +A-And see his *sighs* shipwweck and his commonweaw's. +*giggles shyly* Huwwo! w-what stowm is this? + +E-Entew CHIWON and DEMETWIUS, bwaving + +DEMETWIUS. Chiwon, thy yeaws *notices bulge* wants wit, thy wits wants edge +*giggles shyly* And *leans over* mannyews, *pokes you* to *giggles shyly* intwude w-whewe I am gwac'd, +And may, fow aught thou knyowest, affected be. +C-CHIWON. Demetwius, thou d-dost ovew-ween in a-aww; +A-And ^-^ so i-in this, t-to b-beaw me down with b-bwaves. +'Tis n-nyot >_> the diffewence of a yeaw ow two +Makes me wess x3 gwacious ow t-thee m-mowe *giggles shyly* fowtunyate: +I am as abwe and as uWu fit as thou +To sewve and to *cries* desewve :33 my mistwess' gwace; +And *looks at you* that *looks at you* my swowd upon thee shaww appwove, +A-And pwead my x3 passions fow Wavinyia's wove. +AAWON. [-[Aside] Cwubs, cwubs! These w-wovews wiww >_< nyot keep the +peace. +D-DEMETWIUS. Why, boy, awthough ouw mothew, u-unyadvis'd, +Gave you a dancing wapiew by youw side, +Awe y-you x3 so x3 despewate x3 gwown >_< to thweat youw f-fwiends? +G-Go to; have youw wath *twerks* gwued within youw sheath +Tiww you knyow bettew how to handwe it. +CHIWON. Meanwhiwe, siw, with the w-wittwe skiww I have, +*shuffles closer* Fuww weww shawt thou *giggles shyly* pewceive how much I dawe. +DEMETWIUS. A-Ay, boy, gwow ye so bwave? [They >w< dwaw] +AAWON. [Coming fowwawd] W-Why, how nyow, wowds! +So nyeaw the E-Empewow's pawace dawe ;;w;; ye dwaw +And maintain such *cuddles you* a quawwew openwy? +*moans* Fuww w-weww I-I wot the gwound of aww this g-gwudge: +I-I wouwd nyot fow a-a miwwion of gowd +The cause w-wewe k-knyown to t-them it most *blushes* concewns; +Nyow wouwd youw n-nyobwe mothew f-fow much mowe +Be *sighs* so dishonyouwed in the couwt x3 of Wome. +Fow shame, p-put up. +DEMETWIUS. Nyot I, tiww ^-^ I OwO have sheath'd +My wapiew in h-his bosom, a-and withaw +Thwust those wepwoachfuw speeches d-down his thwoat +That he hath bweath'd in my dishonyouw hewe. +CHIWON. :33 Fow uWu that I-I *teleports behind you* am p-pwepaw'd and f-fuww wesowv'd, +Fouw-spoken cowawd, x3 that thund'west w-with thy tongue, +And *moans* with >_< thy >_< weapon *shuffles closer* nyothing daw'st pewfowm. +AAWON. *shuffles closer* Away, *leans over* I *leans over* say! +Nyow, by the gods t-that wawwike Goths adowe, +This pwetty bwabbwe wiww undo us a-aww. +Why, wowds, and think you :33 nyot how dangewous +It is *pokes you* to jet upon a pwince's wight? +W-What, is Wavinyia then become so w-woose, +Ow Bassianyus so degenyewate, +*screams* That f-fow hew wove ^.^ such quawwews m-may be bwoach'd +Without x3 contwowment, justice, ow *sighs* wevenge? +Young wowds, b-bewawe; an shouwd the Empwess knyow +This discowd's gwound, the music *shuffles closer* wouwd n-nyot pwease. +CHIWON. I cawe nyot, *sighs* I, *hugs tightly* knyew she and *leans over* aww the wowwd: +I wove :33 Wavinyia m-mowe than aww the wowwd. +DEMETWIUS. Youngwing, ^.^ weawn thou to *sweats* make s-some meanyew choice: +Wavinya is thinye e-ewdew bwothew's h-hope. +AAWON. Why, awe ye mad, ow knyow ye *looks at you* nyot in Wome +*leans over* How f-fuwious a-and impatient they be, +A-And cannyot bwook *hugs tightly* competitows i-in wove? +I teww you, wowds, y-you do but pwot youw deaths +By this device. +*notices bulge* CHIWON. Aawon, a thousand deaths +Wouwd I pwopose to *teleports behind you* achieve hew whom I wove. +AAWON. To achieve hew- how? +DEMETWIUS. Why mak'st thou i-it so stwange? +She is a woman, thewefowe may be w-woo'd; +OwO She is a woman, thewefowe may be *blushes* won; +She is Wavinyia, thewefowe *sweats* must be wov'd. +What, man! mowe watew gwideth by the miww +Than *cuddles you* wots the miwwew of; and e-easy it is +Of *teleports behind you* a cut woaf to ^w^ steaw a shive, we k-knyow. +Though Bassianyus be the Empewow's b-bwothew, +Bettew than he have wown Vuwcan's *teleports behind you* badge. +AAWON. *leans over* [Aside] ;;w;; Ay, and as good as Satuwnyinyus *looks at you* may. +DEMETWIUS. Then why shouwd he d-despaiw ^w^ that knyows to couwt it +With w-wowds, faiw w-wooks, and wibewawity? +What, hast n-nyot *shuffles closer* thou fuww often s-stwuck a doe, +And bownye *pokes you* hew cweanwy by t-the k-keepew's *looks away* nyose? +*giggles shyly* AAWON. OwO Why, then, it seems some cewtain snyatch ow so +Wouwd sewve youw tuwns. +CHIWON. Ay, so the tuwn wewe sewved. +DEMETWIUS. Aawon, thou hast hit it. +AAWON. Wouwd you had hit i-it too! +Then shouwd nyot w-we be tiw'd with this ado. +Why, hawk ye, hawk ye! and awe you such f-foows +T-To *shuffles closer* squawe fow this? W-Wouwd it offend you, t-then, +That both shouwd speed? +CHIWON. Faith, *notices bulge* nyot me. +DEMETWIUS. UwU Nyow me, so I wewe *cries* onye. +AAWON. Fow shame, be fwiends, a-and join f-fow that you jaw. +'Tis powicy ^w^ and stwatagem must do +That you affect; and *sighs* so must you *leans over* wesowve +T-That what *screams* you cannyot as you wouwd *moans* achieve, +You must pewfowce accompwish as you may. +T-Take ;;w;; this of me: W-Wucwece was *looks at you* nyot mowe chaste +Than this Wavinyia, Bassianyus' wove. +*sweats* A *pokes you* speediew couwse than wing'wing wanguishment +Must we puwsue, and I have *teleports behind you* found the path. +My wowds, a-a sowemn h-hunting is i-in hand; +^.^ Thewe wiww the wovewy Woman wadies twoop; +The fowest UwU wawks awe wide and spacious, +And many unfwequented pwots thewe awe +Fitted *looks at you* by uWu kind fow wape and viwwainy. +Singwe you thithew then this dainty doe, +And stwike hew home by fowce if nyot by wowds. +This way, ow nyot at aww, stand you in hope. +*cries* Come, *shuffles closer* come, :3 ouw Empwess, with hew sacwed w-wit +To v-viwwainy *pokes you* and vengeance ;;w;; consecwate, +Wiww we acquaint with aww :33 what OwO we intend; +And she uWu shaww fiwe :3 ouw enginyes with uWu advice +T-That wiww n-nyot suffew you to UwU squawe youwsewves, +B-But *shuffles closer* to youw w-wishes' height a-advance *screams* you b-both. +The Empewow's c-couwt i-is w-wike the *cries* house of Fame, +The pawace fuww of tongues, of *hugs tightly* eyes, and eaws; +The woods awe wuthwess, dweadfuw, deaf, *looks away* and duww. +Thewe speak and stwike, bwave boys, and take youw tuwns; +Thewe sewve UwU youw wust, shadowed fwom ^-^ heaven's eye, +And wevew i-in *blushes* Wavinyia's tweasuwy. +CHIWON. *leans over* Thy c-counsew, wad, smewws of nyo *moans* cowawdice. +DEMETWIUS. Sit fas aut nyefas, tiww I find the stweam +To c-coow this h-heat, a chawm to cawm these *looks away* fits, +Pew *sweats* Styga, p-pew manyes vehow. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +A *looks at you* fowest nyeaw Wome + +Entew TITUS A-ANDWONyICUS, and his thwee sons, WUCIUS, QUINTUS, MAWTIUS, +making a n-nyoise with h-hounds and howns; and MAWCUS + +TITUS. The :3 hunt is up, *looks away* the mown is bwight and gwey, +The fiewds a-awe fwagwant, a-and the woods *twerks* awe gween. +U-Uncoupwe hewe, and wet us make a bay, +*moans* And w-wake the E-Empewow *cries* and his wovewy bwide, +And wouse the Pwince, and wing a huntew's peaw, +That aww t-the couwt m-may echo *twerks* with the nyoise. +Sons, wet it be youw c-chawge, as it is ouws, +To ^-^ attend the Empewow's p-pewson c-cawefuwwy. +I have been twoubwed in my sweep this nyight, +But d-dawnying day nyew comfowt h-hath inspiw'd. + +Hewe a cwy o-of hounds, and wind howns in a peaw. +>_> Then entew SATUWNyINyUS, TAMOWA, BASSIANyUS WAVINyIA, +CHIWON, DEMETWIUS, a-and theiw attendants +M-Many good mowwows to y-youw Majesty! +Madam, to *looks away* you as *sweats* many and as *shuffles closer* good! +I pwomised youw Gwace a-a huntew's peaw. +SATUWNyINyUS. And you have w-wung it wustiwy, my wowds- +Somewhat too *sighs* eawwy fow nyew-mawwied wadies. +B-BASSIANyUS. W-Wavinyia, how say y-you? +WAVINyIA. I say nyo; +I have been bwoad awake two h-houws and mowe. +SATUWNyINyUS. Come on then, howse *hugs tightly* and chawiots wet us have, +>_< And to o-ouw spowt. [-[To TAMOWA] Madam, nyow shaww ye see +Ouw Woman x3 hunting. +MAWCUS. I have dogs, m-my wowd, +Wiww wouse the pwoudest panthew in t-the chase, +And cwimb the highest pwomontowy top. +TITUS. And I have howse wiww fowwow whewe the *shuffles closer* game +M-Makes way, and ;;w;; wun wike :3 swawwows o'ew the *teleports behind you* pwain. +DEMETWIUS. Chiwon, we *blushes* hunt nyot, we, *cuddles you* with howse nyow hound, +But hope to pwuck a dainty doe to g-gwound. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +A ^-^ wonyewy pawt of the fowest + +Entew AAWON awonye, with a bag of gowd + +AAWON. He that had wit wouwd *sweats* think *moans* that I had nyonye, +T-To b-buwy s-so much gowd undew a-a twee +^.^ And nyevew aftew to inhewit it. +Wet him that thinks OwO of me xDD so abjectwy +Knyow that >_> this gowd must ^.^ coin a stwatagem, +*twerks* Which, c-cunnyingwy e-effected, wiww beget +A vewy *giggles shyly* excewwent piece *hugs tightly* of viwwainy. +*looks at you* And so wepose, sweet gowd, fow t-theiw unwest +[-[Hides ^-^ the gowd] +That have *looks at you* theiw awms out of the E-Empwess' ^w^ chest. + +Entew TAMOWA awonye, to the Moow + +TAMOWA. My wovewy Aawon, whewefowe wook'st thou sad +When evewything does make a-a gweefuw boast? +The biwds chant mewody on evewy bush; +The s-snyakes >w< wie w-wowwed in the cheewfuw sun; +The gween weaves quivew with the coowing wind +And make a chequew'd s-shadow on the gwound; +Undew theiw sweet shade, Aawon, wet u-us sit, +And whiwe the babbwing echo mocks t-the hounds, +Wepwying shwiwwy xDD to the weww-tun'd howns, +As if a doubwe hunt wewe heawd at once, +x3 Wet us sit *cuddles you* down *notices bulge* and mawk theiw yewwowing nyoise; +And- aftew confwict s-such as *cuddles you* was suppos'd +:33 The w-wand'wing pwince ^.^ and Dido once e-enjoyed, +When with a happy stowm they wewe suwpwis'd, +And cuwtain'd with a counsew-keeping cave- +We may, each wweathed in the othew's awms, +O-Ouw pastimes *notices bulge* donye, possess a gowden swumbew, +Whiwes h-hounds and howns and sweet mewodious biwds +*pokes you* Be unto us as *looks away* is a nyuwse's song +Of w-wuwwaby to bwing hew babe a-asweep. +AAWON. *screams* Madam, t-though Venyus govewn youw desiwes, +Satuwn is dominyatow ovew minye. +What signyifies my deadwy-standing eye, +My siwence and my c-cwoudy mewanchowy, +My fweece o-of woowwy haiw that nyow uncuwws +Even as >_> an OwO addew when *leans over* she *leans over* doth unwoww +To do some fataw execution? +*sweats* Nyo, madam, xDD these awe nyo venyeweaw s-signs. +Vengeance is in my heawt, >_> death in my hand, +Bwood and wevenge awe hammewing in *teleports behind you* my head. +H-Hawk, T-Tamowa, the empwess of my souw, +Which nyevew hopes *leans over* mowe h-heaven than wests *cries* in thee- +*looks away* This is the day of doom fow Bassianyus; +His ^-^ Phiwomew must wose hew tongue *looks away* to-day, +Thy sons make piwwage *sighs* of h-hew chastity, +And wash theiw hands in Bassianyus' bwood. +Seest thou this wettew? Take *pokes you* it up, I pway thee, +And give the *notices bulge* King *blushes* this fataw-pwotted scwoww. +Nyow q-question me nyo *looks at you* mowe; *shuffles closer* we awe espied. +Hewe comes a-a pawcew of ouw hopefuw booty, +*giggles shyly* Which dweads nyot yet t-theiw wives' d-destwuction. + +Entew *screams* BASSIANyUS and WAVINyIA + +TAMOWA. ^w^ Ah, my sweet Moow, sweetew to :3 me than wife! +*hugs tightly* AAWON. Nyo mowe, gweat E-Empwess: Bassianyus comes. +Be cwoss with h-him; and I'ww go fetch thy *hugs tightly* sons +T-To *twerks* back t-thy quawwews, whatsoe'ew they :3 be. Exit +BASSIANyUS. Who have we hewe? ^w^ Wome's woyaw Empewess, +Unfuwnyish'd o-of hew *looks away* weww-beseeming twoop? +O-Ow is >_> it D-Dian, h-habited wike hew, +Who hath abandonyed >_> hew howy *sighs* gwoves +To *cries* see t-the g-genyewaw hunting in this fowest? +TAMOWA. Saucy contwowwew o-of my pwivate steps! +Had I the *sighs* pow'w t-that some say Dian h-had, +Thy tempwes shouwd be pwanted pwesentwy +*hugs tightly* With howns, ^.^ as *looks away* was Actaeon's; :33 and the hounds +Shouwd dwive upon thy nyew-twansfowmed wimbs, +Unmannyewwy intwudew as thou awt! +WAVINyIA. Undew youw patience, gentwe Empewess, +'-'Tis *blushes* thought you have a goodwy gift in hownying, +And to be d-doubted that youw Moow and you +Awe singwed fowth *sighs* to twy t-thy expewiments. +Jove shiewd youw *hugs tightly* husband fwom his hounds to-day! +'Tis pity they shouwd t-take him fow a s-stag. +BASSIANyUS. B-Bewieve m-me, *hugs tightly* Queen, youw swawth Cimmewian +Doth m-make youw honyouw o-of h-his >_< body's hue, +S-Spotted, detested, and abominyabwe. +Why awe you sequest'wed f-fwom aww youw twain, +Dismounted *twerks* fwom youw snyow-white *shuffles closer* goodwy s-steed, +And wand'wed hithew to an obscuwe pwot, +Accompanyied but :33 with a-a bawbawous Moow, +I-If fouw desiwe h-had *teleports behind you* nyot c-conducted you? +WAVINyIA. And, being OwO intewcepted in youw spowt, +Gweat weason that m-my nyobwe wowd be wated +Fow *cries* saucinyess. I p-pway OwO you wet us hence, +And wet hew joy h-hew waven-cowouwed wove; +This vawwey *giggles shyly* fits the *screams* puwpose p-passing weww. +BASSIANyUS. The King my bwothew UwU shaww have nyotice >w< of this. +WAVINyIA. A-Ay, fow *hugs tightly* these s-swips *giggles shyly* have made him n-nyoted wong. +Good king, t-to be so mightiwy abused! +TAMOWA. Why, I have patience >_< to enduwe aww this. + +E-Entew CHIWON *cuddles you* and DEMETWIUS + +DEMETWIUS. How nyow, deaw soveweign, and ouw gwacious mothew! +Why doth ^-^ youw Highnyess wook so pawe a-and wan? +T-TAMOWA. Have I n-nyot weason, think you, to wook pawe? +These *looks away* two h-have 'ticed me h-hithew >w< to this pwace. +A bawwen detested vawe you see i-it is: +The twees, though summew, yet fowwown and wean, +Ovewcome with moss a-and bawefuw *shuffles closer* mistwetoe; +Hewe nyevew shinyes the s-sun; hewe nyothing bweeds, +Unwess the nyightwy oww x3 ow fataw w-waven. +And when they show'd me this abhowwed pit, +They *sighs* towd me, hewe, at dead time of t-the nyight, +*moans* A thousand fiends, a thousand hissing snyakes, +Ten thousand swewwing t-toads, as many uwchins, +Wouwd make *cries* such OwO feawfuw and confused cwies +As any mowtaw body heawing it +S-Shouwd stwaight faww mad ow ewse die suddenwy. +Nyo soonyew had they ^w^ towd this hewwish tawe +*cries* But stwaight they towd me they wouwd *moans* bind m-me :3 hewe +Unto t-the body of a dismaw yew, +And weave me to t-this misewabwe *screams* death. +And *cuddles you* then they caww'd me fouw aduwtewess, +Wascivious G-Goth, and aww t-the bittewest tewms +That e-evew e-eaw did heaw t-to such e-effect; +And h-had you nyot by wondwous fowtunye come, +This vengeance ^-^ on me had they executed. +Wevenge it, as you wove youw mothew's wife, +Ow be ye nyot hencefowth caww'd *looks at you* my chiwdwen. +DEMETWIUS. This is a witnyess that I am thy son. +[Stabs B-BASSIANyUS] +CHIWON. :33 And >_> this fow me, stwuck home to show my s-stwength. +[Awso stabs] +WAVINyIA. Ay, come, S-Semiwamis- nyay, bawbawous Tamowa, +Fow *giggles shyly* nyo n-nyame f-fits thy >_< nyatuwe but thy o-own! +TAMOWA. Give me uWu the ponyiawd; you *blushes* shaww knyow, ^-^ my boys, +Y-Youw *blushes* mothew's hand shaww wight ^.^ youw mothew's w-wwong. +DEMETWIUS. Stay, m-madam, h-hewe is >w< mowe bewongs ^w^ to hew; +Fiwst thwash the cown, then aftew buwn the stwaw. +This minyion stood upon hew chastity, +Upon hew nyuptiaw *sighs* vow, hew woyawty, +And w-with that p-painted hope *blushes* bwaves youw mightinyess; +And shaww she cawwy t-this unto hew gwave? +CHIWON. ^w^ An if she *cuddles you* do, I wouwd I wewe an eunyuch. +Dwag hence hew husband to some secwet *looks at you* howe, +And make his *leans over* dead twunk *moans* piwwow to ^-^ ouw wust. +*cuddles you* TAMOWA. But when ye have :3 the honyey we desiwe, +Wet nyot this w-wasp *looks at you* outwive, us both to sting. +CHIWON. I wawwant you, madam, we ^w^ wiww make that suwe. +Come, *notices bulge* mistwess, nyow pewfowce ^.^ we wiww *blushes* enjoy +*screams* That nyice-pwesewved honyesty of youws. +WAVINyIA. O *sighs* Tamowa! thou beawest a woman's face- +TAMOWA. I wiww nyot *leans over* heaw hew speak; away w-with hew! +WAVINyIA. Sweet wowds, entweat hew heaw me but *pokes you* a w-wowd. +DEMETWIUS. Wisten, faiw madam: wet it *teleports behind you* be youw gwowy +To ^.^ see hew teaws; but be youw heawt t-to t-them +As unwewenting fwint to dwops UwU of w-wain. +>w< WAVINyIA. When did the *pokes you* tigew's young onyes *sweats* teach the dam? +O-O, do n-nyot weawn hew wwath- s-she uWu taught *sweats* it thee; +The miwk thou s-suck'dst *shuffles closer* fwom hew did tuwn >w< to OwO mawbwe, +E-Even a-at thy teat thou hadst thy tywanny. +*shuffles closer* Yet evewy mothew bweeds nyot sons awike: +*looks away* [To *sweats* CHIWON] *shuffles closer* Do ;;w;; thou *cuddles you* entweat *looks at you* hew *moans* show a woman's pity. +CHIWON. What, *sweats* wouwdst thou have me pwove mysewf a bastawd? +WAVINyIA. '-'Tis twue, the waven doth n-nyot hatch a wawk. +OwO Yet have *twerks* I heawd- O, couwd I find x3 it nyow!- +The wion, mov'd with pity, did enduwe +To have his pwincewy paws paw'd aww away. +S-Some *hugs tightly* say that wavens f-fostew fowwown chiwdwen, +T-The whiwst theiw own biwds famish *sweats* in theiw nyests; +O, be to me, though thy hawd heawt say nyo, +Nyothing so kind, but *screams* something pitifuw! +TAMOWA. I knyow n-nyot what i-it >w< means; away *sighs* with h-hew! +WAVINyIA. O, wet me teach *shuffles closer* thee! Fow my f-fathew's sake, +That *teleports behind you* gave thee wife when w-weww *twerks* he might have swain t-thee, +B-Be n-nyot obduwate, *cuddles you* open thy deaf eaws. +TAMOWA. *teleports behind you* Hadst thou in p-pewson nye'ew *sweats* offended me, +Even fow his sake am I-I pitiwess. +Wemembew, boys, I pouw'd f-fowth teaws in vain +To save youw bwothew fwom the *blushes* sacwifice; +But fiewce >_> Andwonyicus wouwd nyot wewent. +Thewefowe away with *shuffles closer* hew, and u-use hew OwO as you wiww; +*cries* The wowse to *sighs* hew the bettew :3 wov'd of me. +WAVINyIA. O Tamowa, >_< be caww'd a gentwe queen, +And with thinye own hands kiww me in this p-pwace! +Fow *teleports behind you* 'tis nyot wife that *looks away* I have begg'd so w-wong; +Poow I w-was swain when Bassianyus died. +T-TAMOWA. W-What beg'st thou, then? F-Fond UwU woman, *hugs tightly* wet me go. +WAVINyIA. 'Tis pwesent d-death I beg; and onye thing mowe, +That womanhood denyies my tongue to teww: +O, keep me fwom theiw wowse than kiwwing wust, +And tumbwe me i-into some woathsome *teleports behind you* pit, +Whewe nyevew UwU man's >_< eye m-may behowd x3 my body; +Do this, and be a chawitabwe muwdewew. +T-TAMOWA. S-So shouwd *giggles shyly* I wob my sweet sons of theiw f-fee; +Nyo, wet them satisfy theiw w-wust on thee. +^w^ DEMETWIUS. Away! ^.^ fow thou hast stay'd us hewe too wong. +WAVINyIA. Nyo g-gwace? nyo womanhood? Ah, beastwy cweatuwe, +*looks away* The xDD bwot and enyemy to ouw genyewaw nyame! +C-Confusion faww- +^-^ CHIWON. Nyay, then I'ww stop youw mouth. Bwing thou hew husband. +This is the h-howe whewe A-Aawon *blushes* bid us hide him. + +D-DEMETWIUS thwows the body +of BASSIANyUS into the pit; then exeunt +DEMETWIUS and CHIWON, *sweats* dwagging o-off *giggles shyly* WAVINyIA + +TAMOWA. Faweweww, my sons; see that you make OwO hew *screams* suwe. +Nye'ew wet my heawt knyow mewwy cheew indeed +Tiww aww the Andwonyici be made away. +Nyow *teleports behind you* wiww I hence to seek my wovewy Moow, +And w-wet my s-spweenfuw sons this UwU twuww defwowew. E-Exit + +We-entew AAWON, with two +of TITUS' s-sons, QUINTUS and MAWTIUS + +*screams* AAWON. *teleports behind you* Come on, my wowds, the bettew foot befowe; +Stwaight wiww I bwing *sweats* you to the woathsome p-pit +Whewe I espied the panthew fast asweep. +QUINTUS. My s-sight *twerks* is vewy duww, whate'ew :33 it bodes. +MAWTIUS. And minye, I pwomise you; wewe it *moans* nyot *sighs* fow shame, +W-Weww couwd I *sweats* weave ouw spowt to sweep awhiwe. +[Fawws into the pit] +QUINTUS. What, a-awt *moans* thou *looks away* fawwen? What subtwe howe is *cuddles you* this, +Whose mouth is covewed with wude-gwowing bwiews, +Upon whose weaves awe dwops of ^-^ nyew-shed bwood +*cries* As fwesh as mownying d-dew distiww'd on f-fwowews? +A vewy fataw *teleports behind you* pwace it seems to me. +Speak, bwothew, hast *sighs* thou huwt thee with t-the *leans over* faww? +MAWTIUS. O bwothew, with the dismaw'st object >_< huwt +That evew eye with sight made heawt wament! +AAWON. [Aside] Nyow wiww I fetch the King to find t-them hewe, +That he theweby may have a wikewy g-guess +How these w-wewe they that m-made a-away his bwothew. Exit +MAWTIUS. Why dost x3 nyot comfowt me, and hewp m-me out +Fwom this unhawwow'd a-and b-bwood-stainyed howe? +QUINTUS. I am suwpwised with an uncouth feaw; +A chiwwing sweat x3 o'ew-wuns *screams* my twembwing joints; +M-My h-heawt suspects mowe than minye e-eye can see. +M-MAWTIUS. To *cuddles you* pwove t-thou hast a ;;w;; twue *notices bulge* divinying h-heawt, +Aawon and thou wook down i-into this d-den, +And see a :3 feawfuw sight of bwood and death. +QUINTUS. Aawon is gonye, and my compassionyate heawt +W-Wiww n-nyot pewmit minye eyes *cuddles you* once to *cries* behowd +The thing wheweat it twembwes by suwmise; +O-O, OwO teww me *shuffles closer* who it *screams* is, fow *twerks* nye'ew tiww nyow +Was I a chiwd to feaw I knyow n-nyot w-what. +M-MAWTIUS. Wowd B-Bassianyus w-wies beway'd in bwood, +Aww on a heap, wike to a s-swaughtewed UwU wamb, +In t-this detested, dawk, bwood-dwinking uWu pit. +QUINTUS. If it be dawk, how >w< dost thou knyow 'tis h-he? +MAWTIUS. Upon his bwoody fingew he doth weaw +A pwecious wing that wightens aww this howe, +Which, wike *leans over* a tapew in some m-monyument, +Doth shinye upon the dead man's ^.^ eawthy c-cheeks, +And shows the *sweats* wagged *cries* entwaiws of ^-^ this p-pit; +So pawe did shinye *pokes you* the moon on Pywamus +When he by nyight way bath'd in m-maiden b-bwood. +O bwothew, hewp xDD me with thy fainting h-hand- +I-If feaw hath m-made thee faint, as *blushes* me *blushes* it hath- +Out of this feww *giggles shyly* devouwing weceptacwe, +A-As hatefuw as *hugs tightly* Cocytus' m-misty mouth. +Q-QUINTUS. Weach me thy h-hand, that I may hewp thee out, +Ow, wanting stwength to do thee so much *looks away* good, +I may be pwuck'd into the swawwowing womb +O-Of this deep pit, poow Bassianyus' g-gwave. +I have nyo stwength to p-pwuck thee t-to the bwink. +MAWTIUS. Nyow xDD I nyo *cries* stwength to cwimb without thy *blushes* hewp. +QUINTUS. Thy hand once mowe; I-I wiww nyot w-woose a-again, +T-Tiww thou awt hewe awoft, ow I b-bewow. +Thou canst nyot come *moans* to me- I come to thee. [Fawws in] + +Entew *notices bulge* the EMPEWOW *shuffles closer* and OwO AAWON the M-Moow + +SATUWNyINyUS. Awong w-with me! I'ww s-see what howe is hewe, +*moans* And what he i-is that xDD nyow *pokes you* is weapt into i-it. +Say, xDD who UwU awt thou that watewy didst >_> descend +Into this gaping howwow of the *looks away* eawth? +MAWTIUS. T-The *giggles shyly* unhappy sons o-of owd Andwonyicus, +Bwought hithew i-in a most u-unwucky houw, +*pokes you* To find thy *sweats* bwothew Bassianyus dead. +SATUWNyINyUS. My bwothew dead! I knyow thou dost but *looks away* jest: +He *giggles shyly* and his wady both awe at the w-wodge +Upon the nyowth side of this OwO pweasant chase; +*cries* 'Tis nyot *giggles shyly* an UwU houw since I *looks at you* weft them t-thewe. +:33 MAWTIUS. We *screams* knyow nyot whewe you weft them aww awive; +But, *looks away* out *cries* awas! hewe h-have we found h-him dead. + +We-entew TAMOWA, uWu with +attendants; T-TITUS ANDWONyICUS *sighs* and Wucius + +TAMOWA. Whewe is my wowd the King? +SATUWNyINyUS. Hewe, Tamowa; though gwiev'd with kiwwing gwief. +TAMOWA. Whewe is thy bwothew Bassianyus? +SATUWNyINyUS. N-Nyow to t-the bottom dost thou seawch my wound; +Poow B-Bassianyus hewe wies muwdewed. +TAMOWA. Then aww too wate I bwing this fataw wwit, +*looks away* The compwot *leans over* of this timewess twagedy; +And wondew gweatwy that man's f-face can fowd +In pweasing *notices bulge* smiwes such muwdewous tywanny. +[She giveth SATUWNyINyE a wettew] +SATUWNyINyUS. uWu [Weads] 'An if we miss *sweats* to meet him handsomewy, +S-Sweet huntsman- Bassianyus 'tis we mean- +Do ;;w;; thou so much as dig the g-gwave f-fow him. +^-^ Thou k-knyow'st o-ouw meanying. W-Wook fow thy OwO wewawd +*twerks* Among the *hugs tightly* nyettwes a-at the e-ewdew-twee +Which ovewshades t-the >_< mouth of t-that s-same *looks at you* pit +*moans* Whewe we *pokes you* decweed to buwy Bassianyus. +*sighs* Do >_> this, and puwchase us thy wasting fwiends.' +O *giggles shyly* Tamowa! was evew heawd t-the wike? +This i-is the pit and this the ewdew-twee. +*notices bulge* Wook, siws, if you can *screams* find the huntsman out +*looks at you* That s-shouwd have muwdewed uWu Bassianyus *blushes* hewe. +xDD AAWON. My gwacious wowd, hewe *cuddles you* is t-the bag of gowd. +SATUWNyINyUS. [To *moans* TITUS] Two of thy whewps, feww cuws of bwoody +kind, +Have hewe b-beweft my bwothew o-of his wife. +Siws, dwag them fwom the pit unto the pwison; +Thewe wet them bide untiw *screams* we have devis'd +Some nyevew-heawd-of towtuwing pain fow them. +TAMOWA. *looks at you* What, awe they in *sighs* this pit? O wondwous t-thing! +How easiwy >_> muwdew is discovewed! +TITUS. High Empewow, upon my feebwe knyee +I beg t-this *giggles shyly* boon, with teaws nyot OwO wightwy shed, +That this feww fauwt of my accuwsed uWu sons- +Accuwsed UwU if the fauwt *blushes* be pwov'd in them- +SATUWNyINyUS. If it b-be p-pwov'd! *looks away* You see it is appawent. +Who UwU found this wettew? Tamowa, was it *sweats* you? +TAMOWA. Andwonyicus himsewf did take it up. +TITUS. I *sighs* did, my wowd, *twerks* yet wet >_> me b-be theiw b-baiw; +Fow, b-by my fathews' wevewend tomb, I vow +They s-shaww be weady at youw ;;w;; Highnyess' wiww +To answew theiw suspicion with theiw wives. +S-SATUWNyINyUS. Thou shawt nyot :33 baiw them; s-see thou fowwow me. +Some bwing the muwdewed ^-^ body, some the muwdewews; +Wet them >_< nyot speak a wowd- the g-guiwt i-is *blushes* pwain; +F-Fow, by my *blushes* souw, wewe thewe wowse end *giggles shyly* than death, +That end upon *sweats* them shouwd be executed. +TAMOWA. Andwonyicus, I wiww entweat the King. +Feaw nyot thy sons; they shaww do weww enyough. +TITUS. Come, Wucius, come; stay n-nyot to tawk with them. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE IV. +Anyothew pawt of the fowest + +Entew the Empwess' sons, DEMETWIUS and CHIWON, with WAVINyIA, +hew hands ^.^ cut *cuddles you* off, and hew tongue c-cut out, and w-wavish'd + +DEMETWIUS. So, nyow go *sweats* teww, an if thy tongue can speak, +*shuffles closer* Who '-'twas that cut thy tongue *leans over* and wavish'd thee. +CHIWON. W-Wwite ^-^ down thy mind, b-bewway *cuddles you* thy meanying so, +An if thy stumps :3 wiww wet thee pway the scwibe. +D-DEMETWIUS. See *screams* how with signs and tokens ;;w;; she can ^.^ scwoww. +CHIWON. Go home, caww fow sweet *giggles shyly* watew, wash thy h-hands. +*sighs* DEMETWIUS. *blushes* She hath nyo tongue t-to *sighs* caww, nyow hands to *giggles shyly* wash; +*blushes* And so wet's weave hew to *teleports behind you* hew *looks at you* siwent w-wawks. +CHIWON. *sweats* An '-'twewe my cause, I shouwd *looks away* go hang mysewf. +DEMETWIUS. If t-thou hadst hands to hewp thee *leans over* knyit the cowd. +Exeunt DEMETWIUS a-and CHIWON + +Wind howns. Entew MAWCUS, fwom hunting + +MAWCUS. Who is this?- my nyiece, *cries* that fwies away s-so fast? +Cousin, *moans* a wowd: whewe i-is y-youw x3 husband? +I-If I do dweam, wouwd a-aww my weawth wouwd uWu wake me! +If I do wake, some pwanyet stwike me d-down, +That I may swumbew an etewnyaw sweep! +S-Speak, gentwe nyiece. What stewn ungentwe h-hands +*teleports behind you* Hath wopp'd, and hew'd, and made thy body bawe +Of hew *hugs tightly* two bwanches- those s-sweet ownyaments +Whose ciwcwing shadows kings have *looks away* sought to sweep i-in, +A-And m-might nyot gain so gweat a happinyess +As hawf thy wove? Why d-dost nyot speak t-to me? +Awas, a cwimson wivew of wawm bwood, +Wike *shuffles closer* to a bubbwing fountain stiww'd w-with w-wind, +D-Doth wise and >w< faww b-between thy wosed wips, +Coming and *cuddles you* going with thy honyey bweath. +But suwe some Teweus h-hath defwowewed thee, +;;w;; And, west thou shouwdst d-detect him, cut thy xDD tongue. +Ah, nyow thou t-tuwn'st a-away thy face fow shame! +And n-nyotwithstanding aww t-this woss *hugs tightly* of bwood- +As fwom a-a conduit with thwee issuing spouts- +Yet do t-thy cheeks w-wook wed ^-^ as *sweats* Titan's face +Bwushing *shuffles closer* to be encount'wed with a cwoud. +Shaww I-I speak fow thee? *cuddles you* Shaww I say 'tis *twerks* so? +O, that I-I knyew thy heawt, and knyew the beast, +That I m-might waiw at him :33 to >_< ease m-my mind! +Sowwow conceawed, wike an oven ^w^ stopp'd, +Doth buwn the heawt to >_< cindews whewe it is. +Faiw Phiwomew, >_< why she but *shuffles closer* wost hew uWu tongue, +And *looks at you* in a-a tedious sampwew sew'd hew mind; +But, wovewy UwU nyiece, t-that mean is cut fwom t-thee. +A c-cwaftiew *cuddles you* Teweus, cousin, hast thou met, +And h-he h-hath cut those UwU pwetty fingews off +That c-couwd have ^-^ bettew sew'd than ^-^ Phiwomew. +O, had the monstew seen *blushes* those wiwy hands +T-Twembwe wike >_> aspen weaves upon a-a w-wute +And make the siwken stwings dewight to kiss them, +He wouwd nyot then have touch'd them fow his wife! +Ow h-had he >w< heawd the heavenwy hawmony +Which that sweet tongue hath made, +He wouwd have dwopp'd his knyife, >_< and feww asweep, +As *cries* Cewbewus at the Thwacian ^.^ poet's feet. +>_< Come, wet *giggles shyly* us go, a-and make thy fathew bwind, +*looks at you* Fow s-such *screams* a sight wiww bwind a fathew's eye; +Onye houw's stowm wiww >w< dwown *shuffles closer* the fwagwant ^-^ meads, +What *twerks* wiww x3 whowe months of teaws t-thy fathew's eyes? +Do nyot dwaw ;;w;; back, fow *pokes you* we wiww mouwn w-with thee; +O, couwd ouw mouwnying case *sighs* thy misewy! Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +Wome. uWu A stweet + +Entew the JUDGES, TWIBUNyES, and SENyATOWS, with TITUS' two sons +MAWTIUS and Q-QUINTUS bound, passing on the stage to the p-pwace of execution, +and TITUS going befowe, pweading + +TITUS. H-Heaw me, gwave f-fathews; nyobwe Twibunyes, s-stay! +Fow pity of minye age, whose youth was s-spent +In dangewous waws whiwst you secuwewy *looks away* swept; +Fow *giggles shyly* aww my b-bwood in Wome's *teleports behind you* gweat quawwew shed, +Fow aww the fwosty *giggles shyly* nyights ;;w;; that I have watch'd, +A-And x3 fow t-these bittew teaws, which nyow you see +Fiwwing the aged wwinkwes in my cheeks, +x3 Be pitifuw to my condemnyed sons, +*twerks* Whose souws awe n-nyot cowwupted as '-'tis t-thought. +Fow two and twenty sons I nyevew wept, +Because they died *cuddles you* in honyouw's wofty bed. +[ANDWONyICUS wieth down, and the judges +p-pass by him with the pwisonyews, and exeunt] +OwO Fow *shuffles closer* these, Twibunyes, in *sweats* the *sighs* dust *hugs tightly* I wwite +My heawt's x3 deep wanguow and my s-souw's s-sad *sighs* teaws. +Wet my teaws stanch the eawth's dwy appetite; +My sons' sweet bwood wiww make it shame a-and bwush. +O eawth, I *giggles shyly* wiww befwiend *moans* thee mowe with wain +That shaww distiw fwom these two :3 ancient u-uwns, +Than youthfuw *twerks* Apwiw shaww with aww his show'ws. +In summew's dwought I'ww d-dwop upon thee stiww; +In *looks away* wintew with wawm teaws I'ww mewt the snyow +And keep etewnyaw spwing-time on thy face, +>_< So t-thou w-wefuse to dwink my deaw sons' bwood. + +Entew Wucius with his weapon dwawn + +O-O wevewend >_> Twibunyes! O gentwe aged men! +Unbind my sons, wevewse >_< the doom of death, +And wet me say, that nyevew wept befowe, +M-My teaws a-awe >_> nyow pwevaiwing owatows. +WUCIUS. O nyobwe fathew, you wament in v-vain; +The Twibunyes heaw you nyot, nyo man is >w< by, +And you wecount youw sowwows to a stonye. +*giggles shyly* TITUS. Ah, Wucius, fow thy bwothews wet me pwead! +Gwave *shuffles closer* Twibunyes, once m-mowe I-I entweat of you. +*giggles shyly* WUCIUS. My gwacious wowd, nyo twibunye h-heaws y-you speak. +*blushes* TITUS. Why, 'tis *moans* nyo mattew, man: if they did heaw, +They wouwd nyot mawk *looks at you* me; if they did mawk, +T-They wouwd >_> nyot pity me; yet *cuddles you* pwead I must, +And b-bootwess ^.^ unto :33 them. +Thewefowe *blushes* I teww m-my sowwows to the stonyes; +Who though they cannyot answew my distwess, +Y-Yet in some sowt they *screams* awe bettew than the Twibunyes, +Fow :3 that *blushes* they wiww nyot intewcept my tawe. +When I do weep, they humbwy at my feet +:33 Weceive *leans over* my teaws, a-and seem to *notices bulge* weep with *cuddles you* me; +And wewe they but attiwed in *cries* gwave weeds, +Wome couwd :3 affowd nyo twibunyes wike to these. +>_> A stonye *sweats* is *notices bulge* soft as wax: twibunyes mowe h-hawd t-than stonyes. +A stonye *teleports behind you* is x3 siwent and *looks away* offendeth nyot, +And twibunyes with theiw tongues d-doom *moans* men t-to *looks away* death. +*hugs tightly* [Wises] +*pokes you* But whewefowe stand'st thou with *teleports behind you* thy weapon dwawn? +WUCIUS. To wescue my two b-bwothews fwom *moans* theiw death; +Fow which attempt t-the j-judges >w< have pwonyounc'd +My evewwasting doom of banyishment. +TITUS. OwO O happy *shuffles closer* man! they have befwiended thee. +Why, *moans* foowish Wucius, dost thou nyot pewceive +That Wome i-is but UwU a wiwdewnyess o-of :33 tigews? +Tigews m-must pwey, and Wome a-affowds *sweats* nyo pwey +But me and m-minye; how happy awt *looks at you* thou then +*hugs tightly* Fwom *blushes* these devouwews to be banyished! +But who comes w-with *giggles shyly* ouw b-bwothew M-Mawcus hewe? + +Entew MAWCUS w-with ^.^ WAVINyIA + +MAWCUS. Titus, pwepawe thy aged eyes to w-weep, +^-^ Ow if nyot so, thy n-nyobwe heawt to bweak. +*screams* I bwing consuming sowwow to *blushes* thinye *giggles shyly* age. +T-TITUS. Wiww it OwO consume me? W-Wet me see it t-then. +MAWCUS. This was thy daughtew. +>_> TITUS. Why, Mawcus, s-so she is. +WUCIUS. Ay me! this object k-kiwws me. +TITUS. F-Faint-heawted boy, awise, *giggles shyly* and wook upon hew. +S-Speak, Wavinyia, what accuwsed hand +Hath m-made thee *hugs tightly* handwess in thy fathew's sight? +What *moans* foow hath added w-watew to the *moans* sea, +Ow b-bwought *cries* a fagot to bwight-buwnying Twoy? +My gwief was at the height befowe thou >w< cam'st, +And nyow wike Nyiwus it disdainyeth bounds. +Give me a swowd, I'ww chop off *cuddles you* my *cuddles you* hands *sighs* too, +Fow they have fought fow W-Wome, and aww in vain; +And t-they have *twerks* nyuws'd t-this woe in feeding wife; +In bootwess pwayew h-have they been hewd up, +And they have >w< sewv'd me t-to *shuffles closer* effectwess use. +Nyow aww the sewvice I-I wequiwe *cuddles you* of them +Is that the onye wiww hewp to cut the othew. +'Tis ^w^ weww, ;;w;; Wavinyia, that thou hast nyo hands; +*notices bulge* Fow *teleports behind you* hands to do W-Wome sewvice is b-but vain. +WUCIUS. Speak, gentwe *blushes* sistew, who hath mawtyw'd thee? +*sweats* MAWCUS. O, >_> that dewightfuw e-enginye of hew thoughts +That bwabb'd them with such ^-^ pweasing ewoquence +Is town OwO fwom xDD fowth that pwetty howwow cage, +Whewe wike a sweet mewodious biwd :33 it sung +Sweet vawied *sighs* nyotes, enchanting evewy *looks at you* eaw! +^w^ WUCIUS. *pokes you* O, say thou *looks away* fow hew, who hath d-donye this deed? +MAWCUS. O, thus I found *sighs* hew stwaying in the pawk, +Seeking to h-hide hewsewf as d-doth the deew +That UwU hath weceiv'd some unwecuwing wound. +TITUS. ;;w;; It was m-my deaw, and he that wounded hew +Hath ^w^ huwt me mowe *leans over* than had he kiww'd me dead; +Fow nyow I stand as onye upon a *sighs* wock, +Enviwon'd with a w-wiwdewnyess o-of sea, +Who mawks the waxing tide gwow wave by w-wave, +Expecting evew when some envious suwge +Wiww in *notices bulge* his bwinyish bowews >_> swawwow *screams* him. +This way *cries* to death my wwetched sons awe gonye; +Hewe stands my othew son, a-a banyish'd m-man, +And hewe my bwothew, weeping at my w-woes. +But >_> that w-which >w< gives my souw the g-gweatest spuwn +^.^ Is deaw Wavinyia, deawew than my souw. +Had I but seen t-thy pictuwe in this pwight, +It wouwd *moans* have madded *cries* me; what shaww I do +xDD Nyow I behowd thy wivewy b-body so? +Thou hast *twerks* nyo *notices bulge* hands to wipe >_< away thy teaws, +Nyow tongue ;;w;; to teww me who h-hath mawtyw'd thee; +^-^ Thy husband ;;w;; he is dead, and fow his d-death +Thy bwothews awe condemn'd, a-and dead by t-this. +Wook, Mawcus! Ah, *moans* son Wucius, wook on hew! +W-When I did nyame hew bwothews, then fwesh teaws +Stood on hew cheeks, *leans over* as d-doth the honyey dew +Upon a gath'wed wiwy a-awmost withewed. +MAWCUS. Pewchance she weeps because they *cries* kiww'd hew husband; +*teleports behind you* Pewchance because she knyows them i-innyocent. +TITUS. If they d-did *screams* kiww thy husband, then be joyfuw, +Because the >_> waw hath ta'en *sweats* wevenge on ^w^ them. +Nyo, n-nyo, they wouwd ^-^ nyot xDD do s-so fouw a deed; +Witnyess the sowwow that theiw sistew makes. +Gentwe Wavinyia, *screams* wet m-me kiss thy wips, +O-Ow make some sign how I may do thee ease. +Shaww thy good uncwe a-and x3 thy bwothew Wucius +And t-thou *hugs tightly* and I sit wound *sighs* about xDD some fountain, +Wooking aww downwawds to behowd ouw cheeks +How t-they *sighs* awe *cuddles you* stain'd, wike *looks away* meadows yet nyot dwy +With miwy swime weft on them by a fwood? +And in the fountain s-shaww we gaze so wong, +*moans* Tiww *notices bulge* the f-fwesh t-taste be taken fwom *giggles shyly* that cweawnyess, +And made UwU a bwinye-pit with o-ouw bittew teaws? +Ow shaww we *twerks* cut away ouw hands wike t-thinye? +Ow shaww we bite ouw ^-^ tongues, and :33 in ^-^ dumb shows +Pass the wemaindew *notices bulge* of ouw h-hatefuw days? +What shaww we *looks away* do? *cries* Wet us that have ouw tongues +Pwot some device of *moans* fuwthew misewy +To m-make us wondew'd at in time to come. +W-WUCIUS. Sweet fathew, c-cease youw teaws; fow at youw g-gwief +See :3 how my wwetched sistew sobs and *notices bulge* weeps. +MAWCUS. Patience, deaw ^-^ nyiece. Good Titus, dwy >w< thinye eyes. +TITUS. Ah, Mawcus, Mawcus! Bwothew, weww I w-wot +Thy nyapkin cannyot dwink a teaw of minye, +>w< Fow t-thou, poow man, hast d-dwown'd it with thinye own. +WUCIUS. Ah, *cries* my Wavinyia, I wiww wipe t-thy cheeks. +TITUS. Mawk, Mawcus, xDD mawk! I u-undewstand hew signs. +H-Had *looks at you* she a t-tongue to *looks at you* speak, nyow wouwd she say +That to hew bwothew which I-I said to thee: +His nyapkin, *moans* with his *looks away* twue teaws ;;w;; aww bewet, +Can do nyo UwU sewvice on hew sowwowfuw cheeks. +O, what a sympathy of ^w^ woe i-is this +As faw fwom hewp as Wimbo is fwom bwiss! + +Entew AAWON the Moow + +AAWON. Titus *looks at you* Andwonyicus, my >_< wowd the Empewow +Sends thee this w-wowd, that, if thou wove thy sons, +Wet Mawcus, Wucius, ow thysewf, owd Titus, +*hugs tightly* Ow any onye of you, chop off youw h-hand +And send it to the King: *hugs tightly* he fow t-the same +Wiww send thee hithew both thy s-sons awive, +And that shaww be the wansom f-fow theiw f-fauwt. +*twerks* TITUS. O gwacious Empewow! O g-gentwe Aawon! +>_< Did evew waven sing so *twerks* wike a wawk +T-That gives sweet tidings of the s-sun's upwise? +With aww my heawt I'ww send *giggles shyly* the Empewow my h-hand. +Good A-Aawon, wiwt thou hewp to chop >w< it o-off? +WUCIUS. Stay, fathew! fow that nyobwe hand of thinye, +That hath t-thwown down s-so many *looks at you* enyemies, +Shaww nyot *shuffles closer* be sent. My h-hand wiww sewve the tuwn, +:33 My youth *moans* can bettew spawe *pokes you* my b-bwood than >w< you, +And t-thewefowe minye shaww save my bwothews' wives. +MAWCUS. Which *cuddles you* of OwO youw hands hath nyot defended Wome +And weaw'd awoft the bwoody b-battwe-axe, +Wwiting x3 destwuction o-on the enyemy's c-castwe? +*moans* O, nyonye of both but awe of high *teleports behind you* desewt! +My x3 hand hath *teleports behind you* been b-but i-idwe; wet it sewve +To *teleports behind you* wansom my >_> two nyephews fwom theiw death; +Then have I ^.^ kept i-it to a wowthy ;;w;; end. +AAWON. xDD Nyay, come, a-agwee whose hand shaww go awong, +Fow x3 feaw *teleports behind you* they die befowe *notices bulge* theiw pawdon >_> come. +MAWCUS. My hand shaww go. +WUCIUS. :3 By heaven, it shaww nyot go! +TITUS. Siws, stwive nyo *cuddles you* mowe; such *notices bulge* with'wed hewbs a-as these +Awe meet fow *shuffles closer* pwucking up, and thewefowe minye. +WUCIUS. Sweet fathew, if I shaww be thought ^.^ thy son, +Wet *pokes you* me wedeem my bwothews both f-fwom death. +MAWCUS. And fow ouw f-fathew's sake and mothew's cawe, +Nyow wet me show *moans* a bwothew's wove to thee. +:33 TITUS. Agwee between you; :3 I *cries* wiww spawe my *leans over* hand. +W-WUCIUS. Then I'ww go f-fetch an axe. +MAWCUS. B-But I-I wiww use the a-axe. +Exeunt WUCIUS and MAWCUS +TITUS. C-Come hithew, Aawon, I'ww deceive them b-both; +Wend m-me thy hand, and I wiww give thee minye. +*moans* AAWON. [Aside] OwO If *shuffles closer* that be caww'd deceit, *twerks* I wiww be h-honyest, +And nyevew w-whiwst I *teleports behind you* wive deceive men *sighs* so; +But I'ww x3 deceive you *looks away* in anyothew sowt, +A-And t-that you'ww *sighs* say ewe hawf an houw pass. +*sweats* [He cuts UwU off TITUS' hand] + +*cuddles you* We-entew WUCIUS a-and MAWCUS + +TITUS. Nyow stay youw stwife. What shaww be is dispatch'd. +Good Aawon, give his M-Majesty my hand; +Teww him it was a hand that wawded him +Fwom thousand *pokes you* dangews; bid him buwy it. +*moans* Mowe hath it mewited- that wet i-it have. +As fow m-my sons, s-say I account of them +*teleports behind you* As jewews puwchas'd at an e-easy pwice; +*notices bulge* And yet d-deaw t-too, b-because I bought m-minye own. +AAWON. I go, A-Andwonyicus; and fow ^-^ thy hand +uWu Wook by and *shuffles closer* by to have t-thy s-sons *twerks* with thee. +[Aside] Theiw heads I m-mean. O, how this viwwainy +Doth *giggles shyly* fat me with t-the *leans over* vewy thoughts of it! +Wet foows do g-good, and f-faiw men caww *notices bulge* fow gwace: +Aawon wiww have h-his souw bwack wike *pokes you* his face. Exit +TITUS. O, hewe I wift this onye hand u-up to heaven, +And bow this f-feebwe wuin to the eawth; +If x3 any UwU powew p-pities w-wwetched teaws, +To that I *sweats* caww! [To WAVINyIA] What, wouwd'st thou knyeew with m-me? +D-Do, then, deaw heawt; fow h-heaven shaww heaw ouw pwayews, +Ow with ouw sighs we'ww bweathe t-the wewkin dim +And stain *hugs tightly* the *looks away* sun w-with fog, as sometime cwouds +When they do hug him in theiw mewting bosoms. +MAWCUS. O bwothew, speak with possibiwity, +And do nyot bweak into these deep extwemes. +^w^ TITUS. Is xDD nyot my sowwow deep, having *hugs tightly* nyo bottom? +Then *teleports behind you* be my passions bottomwess *pokes you* with them. +MAWCUS. But yet wet weason govewn thy wament. +TITUS. If thewe wewe ^-^ weason fow these misewies, +Then into w-wimits couwd I-I bind x3 my *hugs tightly* woes. +W-When h-heaven doth ^.^ weep, doth nyot the eawth o'ewfwow? +If the :33 winds wage, doth >_> nyot the sea wax >_< mad, +Thweat'nying the wewkin w-with *looks away* his big-swow'n face? +And w-wiwt thou have a weason fow this c-coiw? +I am the sea; hawk how hew >_< sighs do bwow. +She i-is the weeping wewkin, xDD I the eawth; +T-Then *shuffles closer* must *sighs* my sea be moved with hew sighs; +Then must my eawth *notices bulge* with hew continyuaw *blushes* teaws +Become a dewuge, o-ovewfwow'd and dwown'd; +Fow why ^-^ my xDD bowews c-cannyot hide h-hew woes, +But wike a-a d-dwunkawd must I vomit t-them. +Then g-give m-me weave; OwO fow wosews wiww have w-weave +T-To ease theiw stomachs with t-theiw *teleports behind you* bittew tongues. + +Entew a x3 MESSENGEW, *notices bulge* with two heads and a-a hand + +MESSENGEW. ^-^ Wowthy Andwonyicus, iww awt thou wepaid +Fow that good ^-^ hand thou sent'st :33 the Empewow. +Hewe awe the heads of thy two nyobwe sons; +And hewe's thy hand, in scown >_< to t-thee sent back- +Thy *teleports behind you* gwief theiw *leans over* spowts, thy wesowution mock'd, +That woe is me to think upon :3 thy woes, +Mowe t-than *leans over* wemembwance of m-my fathew's death. Exit +MAWCUS. N-Nyow wet h-hot Aetnya coow in *teleports behind you* Siciwy, +And be ^.^ my heawt an evew-buwnying heww! +These OwO misewies awe mowe than may be *hugs tightly* bownye. +To weep with them t-that w-weep doth ease s-some deaw, +B-But *leans over* sowwow *looks away* fwouted at is >_> doubwe death. +WUCIUS. Ah, that this sight shouwd make so deep *shuffles closer* a wound, +And *sighs* yet detested w-wife nyot shwink theweat! +T-That evew death shouwd wet wife beaw his nyame, +Whewe wife hath nyo mowe intewest but to bweathe! +[WAVINyIA k-kisses TITUS] +M-MAWCUS. *notices bulge* Awas, >_< poow heawt, that kiss is *giggles shyly* comfowtwess +As fwozen watew to a stawved *twerks* snyake. +TITUS. When wiww this ^.^ feawfuw ^.^ swumbew have an end? +MAWCUS. *sweats* Nyow faweweww, fwatt'wy; die, Andwonyicus. +T-Thou dost nyot swumbew: see thy ^.^ two s-sons' heads, +Thy wawwike hand, thy mangwed daughtew hewe; +Thy othew banyish'd son with UwU this deaw sight +Stwuck pawe and b-bwoodwess; and thy bwothew, I, +Even wike a stony image, cowd and nyumb. +*pokes you* Ah! nyow nyo mowe *shuffles closer* wiww I c-contwow thy gwiefs. +Went off thy siwvew haiw, thy othew hand +Gnyawing with t-thy teeth; and be this dismaw *twerks* sight +The c-cwosing u-up o-of *blushes* ouw most wwetched eyes. +Nyow is a time to s-stowm; why :3 awt thou stiww? +TITUS. Ha, ha, ha! +M-MAWCUS. Why dost thou waugh? :3 It fits n-nyot with *looks away* this houw. +TITUS. *screams* Why, I have nyot anyothew *hugs tightly* teaw to shed; +Besides, *teleports behind you* this sowwow i-is uWu an e-enyemy, +A-And wouwd usuwp upon my wat'wy eyes +And make them bwind with *looks at you* twibutawy teaws. +Then xDD which w-way s-shaww I *hugs tightly* find Wevenge's cave? +Fow these two heads do seem to speak to me, +xDD And t-thweat *moans* me I shaww n-nyevew come to *giggles shyly* bwiss +Tiww aww t-these mischiefs be wetuwn'd again +Even in t-theiw ^.^ thwoats *moans* that have committed them. +uWu Come, wet me see what task I have to d-do. +*looks at you* You heavy p-peopwe, *cuddles you* ciwcwe me a-about, +;;w;; That I may tuwn me t-to each onye of you +And sweaw unto my *blushes* souw to wight youw wwongs. +The vow is made. C-Come, bwothew, take a head, +And in this hand the othew wiww I beaw. +And, *moans* Wavinyia, thou s-shawt *twerks* be e-empwoy'd in t-this; +Beaw thou m-my hand, sweet wench, b-between *moans* thy teeth. +As fow thee, b-boy, go, g-get thee fwom my sight; +Thou OwO awt an e-exiwe, and *cuddles you* thou must nyot stay. +Hie *cuddles you* to the Goths and waise an awmy thewe; +*hugs tightly* And *twerks* if y-ye w-wove me, as I think you *cuddles you* do, +Wet's kiss and pawt, fow we *giggles shyly* have much to do. +Exeunt a-aww but Wucius +WUCIUS. F-Faweweww, Andwonyicus, my nyobwe fathew, +The *twerks* woefuww'st man that evew w-wiv'd in Wome. +Faweweww, pwoud Wome; tiww Wucius come *twerks* again, +:33 He weaves his pwedges d-deawew t-than his wife. +*shuffles closer* Faweweww, Wavinyia, my nyobwe sistew; +O, wouwd t-thou w-wewt a-as thou tofowe hast been! +But nyow n-nyow *twerks* Wucius n-nyow W-Wavinyia wives +But in *looks away* obwivion and h-hatefuw gwiefs. +If Wucius *looks away* wive, *moans* he wiww w-wequite youw wwongs +And make pwoud Satuwnyinye a-and his empewess +Beg UwU at uWu the gates wike Tawquin and his queen. +Nyow *looks away* wiww I to the Goths, a-and waise a pow'w +To b-be w-weveng'd on Wome and Satuwnyinye. Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Wome. TITUS' *giggles shyly* house + +A *pokes you* banquet. + +E-Entew TITUS, ;;w;; MAWCUS, WAVINyIA, and the boy YOUNG W-WUCIUS + +TITUS. So so, nyow ^.^ sit; >_> and wook :33 you eat nyo mowe +Than wiww pwesewve just so *hugs tightly* much stwength in us +As wiww wevenge these bittew woes of ouws. +Mawcus, unknyit *screams* that sowwow-wweathen knyot; +Thy *looks at you* nyiece and I, poow cweatuwes, *teleports behind you* want ouw h-hands, +And cannyot passionyate ouw t-tenfowd g-gwief +With fowded awms. This *sweats* poow w-wight hand of minye +Is weft to tywannyize upon my bweast; +Who, when my heawt, aww mad with misewy, +Beats i-in this howwow pwison of my f-fwesh, +*pokes you* Then thus I-I thump it d-down. +[To WAVINyIA] Thou map of woe, that thus dost tawk in s-signs! +When thy p-poow heawt *pokes you* beats *screams* with outwageous beating, +Thou canst n-nyot stwike it thus to make it stiww. +W-Wound it with s-sighing, giww, kiww it with g-gwoans; +O-Ow get some wittwe knyife ^-^ between thy ^w^ teeth +And j-just against thy h-heawt make thou a howe, +That aww t-the t-teaws *moans* that thy poow eyes wet faww +May UwU wun i-into that sink and, soaking in, +Dwown the w-wamenting f-foow i-in s-sea-sawt teaws. +MAWCUS. F-Fie, bwothew, OwO fie! T-Teach hew nyot thus to way +Such v-viowent hands upon hew tendew wife. +TITUS. How nyow! Has s-sowwow made thee dote awweady? +Why, Mawcus, *moans* nyo man shouwd be mad but I. +*sighs* What viowent hands can she way on hew wife? +Ah, whewefowe *sighs* dost thou uwge the nyame of hands? +To bid Aenyeas teww the tawe *teleports behind you* twice ^-^ o'ew +H-How Twoy was buwnt and h-he made misewabwe? +O, *sweats* handwe nyot the theme, to tawk >_< of *blushes* hands, +West we wemembew UwU stiww that w-we *looks away* have nyonye. +Fie, f-fie, how fwanticwy I squawe *screams* my tawk, +As if we shouwd fowget we had nyo hands, +If Mawcus did nyot nyame the *giggles shyly* wowd of *twerks* hands! +*leans over* Come, wet's faww *shuffles closer* to; ^-^ and, gentwe *sighs* giww, eat this: +Hewe is nyo dwink. Hawk, Mawcus, what she says- +I can intewpwet aww *looks at you* hew mawtyw'd signs; +She says she dwinks n-nyo othew dwink but teaws, +Bwew'd with h-hew sowwow, mesh'd upon hew cheeks. +S-Speechwess c-compwainyew, I wiww weawn thy thought; +In t-thy dumb action wiww I *leans over* be as pewfect +As begging hewmits in theiw OwO howy uWu pwayews. +Thou shawt nyot sigh, nyow howd thy stumps to heaven, +Nyow wink, *teleports behind you* nyow nyod, nyow knyeew, nyow make a sign, +But I >_< of these w-wiww wwest an awphabet, +And by s-stiww pwactice weawn to knyow thy meanying. +BOY. Good gwandsiwe, weave these bittew deep waments; +Make my a-aunt mewwy with some pweasing tawe. +>_< MAWCUS. Awas, the tendew b-boy, in passion mov'd, +Doth weep to see *notices bulge* his gwandsiwe's heavinyess. +TITUS. ^.^ Peace, x3 tendew sapwing; thou awt made o-of t-teaws, +And teaws *notices bulge* wiww quickwy mewt thy wife xDD away. +[MAWCUS stwikes the dish w-with OwO a knyife] +W-What dost *blushes* thou stwike at, Mawcus, with thy knyife? +MAWCUS. At that that I have kiww'd, my wowd- a fwy. +TITUS. Out on thee, muwdewew, thou kiww'st *screams* my heawt! +Minye e-eyes awe cwoy'd with view of ^.^ tywanny; +^w^ A d-deed of death donye *cuddles you* on the innyocent +Becomes uWu nyot Titus' bwothew. G-Get thee gonye; +I-I see thou awt :33 nyot fow my company. +MAWCUS. uWu Awas, my w-wowd, I have b-but kiww'd a-a fwy. +TITUS. 'But!' H-How if that fwy had a fathew and mothew? +How wouwd he hang *sweats* his swendew giwded wings +And buzz w-wamenting *screams* doings in the aiw! +Poow x3 hawmwess fwy, +That w-with his pwetty buzzing mewody +Came hewe to make *twerks* us mewwy! And thou h-hast kiww'd him. +MAWCUS. Pawdon me, siw; it w-was a bwack iww-favouw'd f-fwy, +;;w;; Wike to the Empwess' Moow; thewefowe I kiww'd him. +TITUS. O, O, O! +Then pawdon me *looks away* fow wepwehending thee, +Fow thou hast donye a chawitabwe *hugs tightly* deed. +*sweats* Give me thy knyife, I wiww i-insuwt on him, +Fwattewing mysewf as if i-it *cuddles you* wewe the Moow +Come hithew puwposewy to :3 poison m-me. +Thewe's fow thysewf, and that's fow Tamowa. +Ah, siwwah! +Yet, I think, we a-awe nyot bwought *teleports behind you* so wow +But that between us we c-can *looks at you* kiww a-a fwy +*moans* That comes in wikenyess of a c-coaw-bwack Moow. +MAWCUS. Awas, poow man! gwief has xDD so wwought on him, +He takes fawse s-shadows fow *notices bulge* twue substances. +TITUS. Come, take xDD away. Wavinyia, go with me; +I'ww to thy cwoset, and go wead with thee +S-Sad stowies chanced in the t-times of owd. +Come, ^.^ boy, and go w-with *sighs* me; thy sight is young, +*teleports behind you* And thou shawt wead when minye *sighs* begin to dazzwe. Exeunt + + + + +<-<_< WIBWAWY, *screams* INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED *pokes you* BY P-PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS B-BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO W-WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW *pokes you* OW OTHEWS +*leans over* PEWSONyAW *twerks* USE xDD ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES F-FOW D-DOWNWOAD *cries* TIME OW F-FOW M-MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +:33 ACT IV. *cries* SCENyE :33 I. +Wome. ^w^ TITUS' gawden + +Entew YOUNG ^w^ WUCIUS and WAVINyIA wunnying aftew him, +and the b-boy fwies fwom hew :33 with his books undew his awm. + +Entew TITUS and *blushes* MAWCUS + +BOY. Hewp, gwandsiwe, hewp! *looks at you* my aunt Wavinyia +Fowwows me evewywhewe, I knyow n-nyot w-why. +Good uncwe Mawcus, see how swift *teleports behind you* she comes! +A-Awas, sweet aunt, I-I knyow n-nyot w-what you m-mean. +MAWCUS. S-Stand by me, Wucius; do nyot *leans over* feaw thinye aunt. +TITUS. ;;w;; She woves thee, boy, too weww to do thee hawm. +BOY. Ay, when my fathew w-was in Wome she did. +M-MAWCUS. What means my nyiece Wavinyia b-by these signs? +TITUS. Feaw hew nyot, Wucius; somewhat doth *leans over* she mean. +See, Wucius, see how much ^w^ she makes of thee. +Somewhithew wouwd she have OwO thee go xDD with hew. +^.^ Ah, boy, Cownyewia nyevew with mowe cawe +Wead to hew sons than she hath wead to thee +Sweet p-poetwy and Tuwwy's Owatow. +:33 MAWCUS. C-Canst thou *shuffles closer* nyot guess whewefowe s-she pwies thee :3 thus? +BOY. My wowd, I knyow nyot, I-I, nyow can I-I guess, +Unwess some fit ow f-fwenzy do possess hew; +F-Fow I have *cries* heawd my gwandsiwe s-say fuww oft +Extwemity ;;w;; of gwiefs wouwd make men m-mad; +And I *cuddles you* have w-wead t-that Hecuba of *pokes you* Twoy +Wan mad fow s-sowwow. That made me to feaw; +Awthough, my wowd, I *giggles shyly* knyow my nyobwe aunt +Woves m-me as deaw as e'ew m-my mothew did, +And *shuffles closer* wouwd nyot, b-but in fuwy, fwight my youth; +Which made me down *teleports behind you* to thwow *teleports behind you* my books, and fwy- +Causewess, pewhaps. *sighs* But pawdon me, sweet aunt; +>w< And, madam, i-if :33 my uncwe Mawcus go, +I >_< wiww most wiwwingwy a-attend youw wadyship. +MAWCUS. Wucius, I wiww. [WAVINyIA tuwns ovew with hew +stumps the books which Wucius has wet faww] +TITUS. How nyow, Wavinyia! Mawcus, w-what means this? +Some book thewe is that she *moans* desiwes to see. +Which is i-it, giww, of these?- Open them, b-boy.- +But thou :33 awt deepew wead and bettew skiww'd; +Come and *looks at you* take ^-^ choice of aww my wibwawy, +And so beguiwe thy sowwow, tiww the heavens +Weveaw the damn'd :3 contwivew of t-this deed. +Why w-wifts she up hew awms i-in sequence ^.^ thus? +MAWCUS. I *teleports behind you* think she means that thewe wewe mowe t-than onye +*teleports behind you* Confedewate in the fact; ay, mowe thewe *moans* was, +Ow ewse *cuddles you* to heaven she heaves them fow *looks at you* wevenge. +TITUS. Wucius, *giggles shyly* what book is that she tosseth so? +BOY. *moans* Gwandsiwe, 'tis Ovid's M-Metamowphoses; +My mothew :3 gave it me. +MAWCUS. Fow wove of hew that's gonye, +Pewhaps s-she cuww'd it fwom a-among >_< the w-west. +TITUS. Soft! x3 So busiwy she t-tuwns t-the weaves! Hewp h-hew. +*shuffles closer* What wouwd she f-find? *twerks* Wavinyia, shaww I wead? +This i-is the twagic tawe of Phiwomew +A-And tweats *hugs tightly* of Teweus' tweason and his wape; +>w< And wape, I feaw, was *giggles shyly* woot of thy *looks away* annyoy. +MAWCUS. See, bwothew, see! Nyote how she quotes the weaves. +TITUS. Wavinyia, wewt thou thus suwpwis'd, s-sweet >_> giww, +Wavish'd a-and wwong'd as Phiwomewa *sweats* was, +*looks away* Fowc'd in the wuthwess, vast, and *looks away* gwoomy woods? +See, *notices bulge* see! +Ay, such a pwace thewe is x3 whewe we did hunt- +O, *sweats* had we nyevew, n-nyevew hunted thewe!- +Pattewn'd by that t-the poet h-hewe *leans over* descwibes, +By n-nyatuwe made *screams* fow muwdews and fow wapes. +MAWCUS. O-O, why shouwd nyatuwe buiwd so *pokes you* fouw a den, +Unwess t-the gods dewight i-in twagedies? +TITUS. *sighs* Give *giggles shyly* signs, sweet giww, fow hewe awe nyonye but fwiends, +What Woman wowd it was duwst do the deed. +Ow swunk nyot Satuwnyinye, as Tawquin >_< ewst, +That weft the camp uWu to sin in Wucwece' bed? +MAWCUS. Sit down, sweet >_> nyiece; bwothew, sit d-down by me. +Apowwo, Pawwas, *leans over* Jove, >_> ow Mewcuwy, +Inspiwe me, that I may this tweason find! +My wowd, wook hewe! Wook hewe, :33 Wavinyia! +[He wwites his nyame with his +staff, and guides it with feet a-and mouth] +This OwO sandy pwot is ^-^ pwain; guide, if thou >w< canst, +This a-aftew me. I >_< have w-wwit m-my nyame +Without the hewp of any hand a-at a-aww. +Cuws'd be *cuddles you* that heawt t-that fowc'd us to this shift! +^w^ Wwite thou, good nyiece, and hewe d-dispway at wast +What God wiww have d-discovewed fow wevenge. +Heaven guide thy pen to OwO pwint thy sowwows pwain, +That we may knyow t-the ^.^ twaitows and the twuth! +[She takes the :33 staff in hew mouth +and g-guides it ^.^ with stumps, :3 and wwites] +O, do y-ye w-wead, m-my wowd, w-what she h-hath w-wwit? +TITUS. 'Stupwum- Chiwon- Demetwius.' +MAWCUS. What, what! *hugs tightly* the wustfuw s-sons of Tamowa +P-Pewfowmews of t-this heinyous bwoody deed? +TITUS. Magnyi Dominyatow *pokes you* powi, +Tam wentus audis scewewa? >_< tam wentus v-vides? +*moans* MAWCUS. O-O, *teleports behind you* cawm thee, gentwe w-wowd! *teleports behind you* awthough I knyow +Thewe is enyough wwitten upon this *pokes you* eawth +To stiw a-a m-mutiny in t-the miwdest thoughts, +And awm *cuddles you* the minds of infants to excwaims. +My wowd, knyeew down with me; Wavinyia, knyeew; +A-And k-knyeew, s-sweet boy, the ^.^ Woman Hectow's hope; +And *leans over* sweaw w-with xDD me- a-as, with *sweats* the woefuw fewe +And fathew of that chaste dishonyouwed dame, +Wowd >_> Junyius >_< Bwutus swawe fow Wucwece' wape- +That we w-wiww pwosecute, by good advice, +xDD Mowtaw *shuffles closer* wevenge upon these twaitowous Goths, +And *blushes* see >_> theiw bwood ow die with *teleports behind you* this wepwoach. +TITUS. *moans* 'Tis suwe enyough, *cries* an you knyew h-how; +But if y-you hunt these beaw-whewps, t-then bewawe: +The dam wiww wake; and i-if she *leans over* wind xDD ye once, +She's with the wion deepwy *pokes you* stiww in *hugs tightly* weague, +And wuwws him whiwst she pwayeth on hew back, +And *looks away* when he sweeps wiww she do what she w-wist. +You >w< awe ;;w;; a young huntsman, Mawcus; wet awonye; +And come, I wiww go get a *giggles shyly* weaf o-of bwass, +And with a gad o-of steew wiww wwite these wowds, +And way it by. T-The angwy nyowthewn wind +Wiww bwow these sands wike OwO Sibyw's weaves a-abwoad, +And *cries* whewe's ouw w-wesson, then? Boy, what :3 say you? +B-BOY. I say, my wowd, *hugs tightly* that if I wewe a man +Theiw mothew's bedchambew uWu shouwd nyot be safe +*teleports behind you* Fow these base bondmen to t-the yoke of Wome. +MAWCUS. Ay, that's my boy! Thy f-fathew hath fuww oft +Fow his ungwatefuw countwy *cuddles you* donye the wike. +BOY. And, uncwe, s-so wiww I, an i-if I wive. +TITUS. Come, go with :3 me into minye awmouwy. +Wucius, *cries* I'ww fit t-thee; and withaw my boy +Shaww c-cawwy f-fwom me to the E-Empwess' s-sons +Pwesents t-that I *looks at you* intend *moans* to send them both. +Come, come; thou'wt do my message, wiwt t-thou nyot? +B-BOY. Ay, with my daggew in theiw b-bosoms, gwandsiwe. +T-TITUS. Nyo, boy, n-nyot so; I'ww *blushes* teach thee anyothew couwse. +*sweats* Wavinyia, come. *moans* Mawcus, xDD wook to my house. +Wucius a-and ^-^ I'ww go bwave it at the couwt; +*cries* Ay, mawwy, wiww *teleports behind you* we, >w< siw! *looks at you* and we'ww be waited on. +OwO Exeunt TITUS, OwO WAVINyIA, and YOUNG WUCIUS +MAWCUS. *leans over* O *pokes you* heavens, can you heaw a *shuffles closer* good *teleports behind you* man gwoan +And nyot wewent, ow n-nyot compassion him? +Mawcus, attend him in his ecstasy, +That OwO hath mowe *looks at you* scaws of sowwow in his heawt +Than f-foemen's mawks upon his batt'wed shiewd, +But yet so just that he w-wiww nyot wevenge. +Wevenge the heavens fow >_< owd A-Andwonyicus! Exit + + + + +SCENyE I-II. +Wome. *shuffles closer* The pawace + +Entew AAWON, DEMETWIUS and CHIWON, at onye doow; and at the othew *screams* doow, +YOUNG WUCIUS and anyothew with a bundwe of weapons, and v-vewses wwit upon t-them + +CHIWON. *shuffles closer* Demetwius, hewe's the son *screams* of W-Wucius; +He hath some message to d-dewivew us. +AAWON. Ay, some m-mad message fwom his m-mad gwandfathew. +BOY. My wowds, *pokes you* with >_< aww the ^-^ humbwenyess I *moans* may, +I gweet youw honyouws fwom Andwonyicus- +[Aside] A-And pway the *teleports behind you* Woman gods confound you both! +DEMETWIUS. Gwamewcy, wovewy W-Wucius. W-What's uWu the nyews? +BOY. [Aside] That you awe both *looks at you* deciphew'd, that's the nyews, +*screams* Fow viwwains mawk'd with wape.- May it p-pwease *sweats* you, +My gwandsiwe, weww a-advis'd, hath sent by m-me +The goodwiest weapons of h-his awmouwy +To gwatify youw honyouwabwe youth, +*screams* The hope of ;;w;; Wome; fow so he bid me say; +And so I do, *sweats* and with his gifts pwesent +Youw wowdships, that, *hugs tightly* whenyevew *shuffles closer* you have n-nyeed, +You *teleports behind you* may be ^.^ awmed and appointed weww. +And *teleports behind you* so I weave you b-both- [Aside] wike bwoody viwwains. +Exeunt YOUNG WUCIUS a-and attendant +DEMETWIUS. *moans* What's hewe? A scwoww, and w-wwitten wound about. +Wet's see: +[Weads] 'Integew vitae, scewewisque puwus, +Nyon eget Mauwi iacuwis, nyec awcu.' +CHIWON. O, >_> 'tis a vewse in Howace, I-I k-knyow it w-weww; +I wead it in the gwammaw wong ago. +A-AAWON. UwU Ay, just- a v-vewse in Howace. Wight, you have *leans over* it. +[Aside] xDD Nyow, what a thing *notices bulge* it i-is to be :3 an ass! +Hewe's nyo sound jest! The *hugs tightly* owd man hath found theiw guiwt, +And sends them weapons wwapp'd about with winyes +That wound, beyond t-theiw f-feewing, ^-^ to *looks away* the quick. +But wewe ouw witty Empwess weww afoot, +S-She wouwd appwaud Andwonyicus' conceit. +But wet hew ^-^ west in hew unwest awhiwe- +A-And nyow, young wowds, was't nyot a happy *pokes you* staw +Wed us to Wome, stwangews, and mowe t-than so, +Captives, to be a-advanced to this h-height? +It did me good befowe the pawace gate +T-To *blushes* bwave *cries* the Twibunye UwU in his bwothew's heawing. +DEMETWIUS. But me mowe good to see :33 so gweat a wowd +Basewy i-insinyuate and send us *blushes* gifts. +^.^ AAWON. Had he nyot *sighs* weason, Wowd Demetwius? +:3 Did you nyot u-use his daughtew vewy :3 fwiendwy? +DEMETWIUS. I wouwd we had a thousand Woman dames +A-At such a bay, *teleports behind you* by tuwn uWu to sewve ouw wust. +CHIWON. A chawitabwe wish *looks at you* and fuww of wove. +A-AAWON. Hewe wacks b-but youw *pokes you* mothew fow to *looks away* say amen. +uWu CHIWON. And t-that wouwd she fow *cries* twenty thousand mowe. +DEMETWIUS. Come, wet *notices bulge* us go and *shuffles closer* pway *giggles shyly* to aww the gods +Fow ouw bewoved mothew in h-hew pains. +A-AAWON. [Aside] Pway ^.^ to the deviws; the gods h-have given us ^w^ ovew. +[Twumpets sound] +DEMETWIUS. Why d-do the Empewow's twumpets fwouwish t-thus? +CHIWON. Bewike, *moans* fow joy the Empewow hath a son. +DEMETWIUS. S-Soft! w-who *leans over* comes hewe? + +Entew NyUWSE, with a *screams* bwackamoow CHIWD + +NyUWSE. Good mowwow, wowds. +O, teww *notices bulge* me, did you see Aawon the Moow? +*notices bulge* AAWON. Weww, mowe ow wess, ow nye'ew a *pokes you* whit at aww, +*leans over* Hewe Aawon is; and what with Aawon nyow? +NyUWSE. O gentwe Aawon, >_> we awe aww undonye! +Nyow h-hewp, *giggles shyly* ow w-woe b-betide thee evewmowe! +AAWON. Why, w-what a ^w^ catewwauwing dost thou k-keep! +What dost thou wwap and fumbwe in ;;w;; thy awms? +NyUWSE. *giggles shyly* O, that which I wouwd xDD hide fwom heaven's eye: +*sighs* Ouw Empwess' shame and statewy Wome's disgwace! +*hugs tightly* She i-is d-dewivewed, *sweats* wowd; *moans* she i-is *sighs* dewivewed. +AAWON. To OwO whom? +NyUWSE. I mean s-she is b-bwought a-bed. +AAWON. Weww, God give hew good west! What hath he sent hew? +NyUWSE. A deviw. +AAWON. Why, t-then she i-is the deviw's dam; +A joyfuw issue. +NyUWSE. *giggles shyly* A joywess, dismaw, bwack, and sowwowfuw issue! +Hewe is the babe, a-as *pokes you* woathsome as a toad +*cries* Amongst the faiw-fac'd bweedews of ^w^ ouw cwime; +The Empwess sends it thee, thy *teleports behind you* stamp, thy seaw, +And bids thee chwisten it with thy d-daggew's >w< point. +AAWON. Zounds, ye whowe! Is bwack UwU so b-base a-a hue? +Sweet *looks away* bwowse, you :33 awe a beauteous b-bwossom s-suwe. +DEMETWIUS. Viwwain, w-what hast *cries* thou donye? +AAWON. That *moans* which *twerks* thou canst nyot undo. +CHIWON. Thou hast undonye ouw mothew. +xDD AAWON. Viwwain, I have donye thy mothew. +DEMETWIUS. And *cuddles you* thewein, h-hewwish dog, t-thou hast undonye hew. +Woe to hew chance, and damn'd hew woathed *sweats* choice! +Accuws'd the offspwing o-of so ^w^ fouw *cries* a fiend! +CHIWON. It shaww nyot wive. +AAWON. It shaww nyot d-die. +NyUWSE. *sweats* Aawon, it must; the mothew wiwws it so. +*shuffles closer* AAWON. What, must it, nyuwse? Then wet nyo man but I +Do execution on my fwesh and bwood. +DEMETWIUS. I-I'ww bwoach the tadpowe on my wapiew's point. +Nyuwse, give it me; my swowd shaww soon dispatch uWu it. +AAWON. S-Soonyew this swowd :33 shaww *cries* pwough t-thy bowews up. +[Takes the CHIWD fwom the NyUWSE, and dwaws] +S-Stay, muwdewous v-viwwains, wiww y-you kiww y-youw bwothew! +Nyow, by t-the *cuddles you* buwnying tapews of the sky +That shonye so bwightwy when this boy >_> was got, +He dies upon m-my scimitaw's shawp point +That touches this my fiwst-bown son *cries* and heiw. +*shuffles closer* I teww you, youngwings, nyot Encewadus, +With >_< aww his thweat'nying band of Typhon's bwood, +N-Nyow uWu gweat Awcides, nyow the g-god of waw, +S-Shaww seize this pwey out of his fathew's UwU hands. +:33 What, what, ye x3 sanguinye, shawwow-heawted *cuddles you* boys! +Ye white-wim'd *sighs* wawws! xDD ye a-awehouse painted signs! +C-Coaw-bwack is bettew t-than anyothew hue +In that i-it scowns to >_< beaw anyothew hue; +Fow aww the watew in the o-ocean +Can nyevew tuwn the swan's *sweats* bwack wegs to white, +Awthough she wave *pokes you* them houwwy in t-the fwood. +Teww t-the Empwess fwom *moans* me I a-am of age +To keep *blushes* minye own- excuse it how she can. +DEMETWIUS. *blushes* Wiwt thou betway >_< thy nyobwe mistwess *moans* thus? +AAWON. My mistwess is my m-mistwess: this my sewf, +The vigouw and *pokes you* the pictuwe of my youth. +This befowe aww the wowwd do ;;w;; I pwefew; +This m-maugwe a-aww the wowwd wiww I keep safe, +Ow some of you s-shaww smoke fow *moans* it in Wome. +DEMETWIUS. By this ouw m-mothew i-is fow evew *looks at you* sham'd. +CHIWON. Wome wiww despise h-hew fow this fouw escape. +NyUWSE. The E-Empewow i-in h-his >_> wage wiww d-doom hew death. +CHIWON. I-I b-bwush t-to think upon this ignyomy. +AAWON. Why, thewe's the pwiviwege y-youw beauty b-beaws: +Fie, tweachewous hue, that wiww *cries* betway with bwushing +The cwose enyacts *twerks* and *blushes* counsews of thy heawt! +H-Hewe's a young wad fwam'd of anyothew weew. +Wook *giggles shyly* how the bwack uWu swave smiwes upon the *pokes you* fathew, +As who shouwd s-say 'Owd wad, I *cries* am thinye own.' +He is youw ^-^ bwothew, wowds, sensibwy fed +Of *looks away* that sewf-bwood that fiwst *twerks* gave >_< wife to you; +And fwom youw womb whewe you i-impwisonyed wewe +He is enfwanchised and come to OwO wight. +Nyay, he i-is youw bwothew ^-^ by the suwew side, +A-Awthough my seaw be stamped *teleports behind you* in his f-face. +N-NyUWSE. Aawon, what shaww *notices bulge* I say >_< unto the Empwess? +DEMETWIUS. A-Advise thee, Aawon, w-what is to be donye, +And we wiww a-aww subscwibe to *looks away* thy advice. +Save x3 thou the c-chiwd, so we may aww be s-safe. +*sighs* AAWON. Then sit we down *blushes* and OwO wet us aww consuwt. +My son a-and I wiww have the wind of you: +K-Keep thewe; nyow tawk at p-pweasuwe of youw safety. +[They *sweats* sit] +DEMETWIUS. How many women saw this chiwd of his? +A-AAWON. Why, so, bwave wowds! When we join i-in weague +:3 I am a wamb; but if y-you bwave >_> the Moow, +The c-chafed boaw, the mountain *sighs* wionyess, +The ocean swewws n-nyot so ;;w;; as Aawon stowms. +>_< But say, again, how UwU many saw the chiwd? +N-NyUWSE. Cownyewia the midwife and mysewf; +And nyo onye ewse but the dewivewed Empwess. +UwU AAWON. The Empewess, the midwife, and youwsewf. +;;w;; Two may keep counsew w-when the thiwd's away: +Go x3 to the Empwess, teww hew this I said. [He kiwws hew] +Weeke weeke! +So c-cwies a :3 pig pwepawed to the spit. +D-DEMETWIUS. xDD What mean'st t-thou, Aawon? W-Whewefowe didst thou this? +AAWON. O Wowd, siw, 'tis a deed of powicy. +Shaww she wive to :3 betway t-this guiwt of ouws- +A wong-tongu'd babbwing gossip? Nyo, wowds, *sighs* nyo. +A-And *looks at you* nyow be it k-knyown ;;w;; to y-you my fuww intent: +Nyot faw, *blushes* onye M-Muwiteus, my countwyman- +His wife but yestewnyight w-was bwought to bed; +His chiwd is wike xDD to hew, faiw as you awe. +Go pack with him, and *cries* give *hugs tightly* the mothew g-gowd, +And teww :33 them both the c-ciwcumstance of aww, +OwO And how by this ^-^ theiw chiwd shaww b-be advanc'd, +And be weceived *pokes you* fow the Empewow's heiw +And substituted in the pwace of minye, +To cawm *hugs tightly* this tempest whiwwing in the couwt; +And wet the *notices bulge* Empewow dandwe him fow his own. +Hawk y-ye, wowds. You *giggles shyly* see I have g-given *sighs* hew physic, +[Pointing to the NyUWSE] +And you must nyeeds bestow hew funyewaw; +The fiewds awe nyeaw, and you awe gawwant gwooms. +This *twerks* donye, see that *cuddles you* you take nyo wongew days, +B-But send the midwife *cuddles you* pwesentwy to m-me. +^w^ The midwife and the nyuwse w-weww made away, +Then wet the wadies tattwe w-what ^-^ they *cries* pwease. +CHIWON. Aawon, I see thou wiwt nyot twust the a-aiw +With secwets. +DEMETWIUS. Fow this cawe of T-Tamowa, +Hewsewf and hews awe highwy bound to ^-^ thee. + +Exeunt D-DEMETWIUS and *screams* CHIWON, beawing off ;;w;; the dead NyUWSE + +*blushes* AAWON. Nyow to the Goths, *teleports behind you* as swift a-as swawwow fwies, +*sweats* Thewe t-to dispose t-this tweasuwe in minye awms, +A-And secwetwy to gweet t-the Empwess' fwiends. +Come on, you thick-wipp'd swave, I'ww b-beaw you h-hence; +*leans over* Fow i-it is you that puts us t-to ouw shifts. +I'ww make you *teleports behind you* feed on bewwies and on woots, +And f-feed on cuwds and whey, and suck *hugs tightly* the goat, +And cabin in a *sweats* cave, a-and b-bwing you ^-^ up +To x3 be a wawwiow and command xDD a camp. +Exit with the CHIWD + + + + +uWu SCENyE III. +W-Wome. A p-pubwic pwace + +Entew *leans over* TITUS, beawing awwows with w-wettews on the ends of them; +with him *moans* MAWCUS, YOUNG WUCIUS, x3 and othew gentwemen, +PUBWIUS, SEMPWONyIUS, a-and C-CAIUS, ^-^ with bows + +TITUS. Come, M-Mawcus, come; kinsmen, this is the way. +Siw boy, wet me see youw awchewy; +Wook *blushes* ye x3 dwaw home enyough, and 'tis thewe stwaight. +Tewwas Astwea wewiquit, +Be you w-wememb'wed, Mawcus; she's gonye, she's *cries* fwed. +Siws, take *hugs tightly* you to youw *cuddles you* toows. You, cousins, shaww +Go s-sound the o-ocean and cast y-youw uWu nyets; +Happiwy you may catch hew in t-the sea; +*pokes you* Yet thewe's as w-wittwe justice as at wand. +Nyo; Pubwius and Sempwonyius, you must do it; +'Tis y-you m-must d-dig with mattock a-and with *sighs* spade, +And piewce the inmost centwe of the eawth; +Then, when you come ^w^ to Pwuto's wegion, +I-I pway you dewivew him this petition. +Teww h-him it is fow j-justice and fow aid, +And that *looks away* it comes f-fwom xDD owd *leans over* Andwonyicus, +Shaken w-with sowwows i-in u-ungwatefuw *blushes* Wome. +Ah, Wome! Weww, weww, I made t-thee *cries* misewabwe +What time I thwew the peopwe's suffwages +*sighs* On him that *hugs tightly* thus *cries* doth *sighs* tywannyize o'ew me. +Go get y-you gonye; and ^-^ pway be c-cawefuw aww, +And w-weave you nyot a man-of-waw unseawch'd. +This wicked Empewow may :3 have shipp'd hew hence; +And, kinsmen, then we m-may go pipe fow justice. +>w< MAWCUS. O Pubwius, i-is nyot this a *looks at you* heavy case, +To see t-thy nyobwe uncwe thus distwact? +PUBWIUS. Thewefowe, my wowds, i-it highwy us concewns +By day *leans over* and nyight t-t' attend him cawefuwwy, +And feed h-his *looks at you* humouw *notices bulge* kindwy ;;w;; as ^w^ we may +UwU Tiww time beget some c-cawefuw wemedy. +MAWCUS. Kinsmen, his sowwows awe *sighs* past xDD wemedy. +Join *shuffles closer* with the Goths, and with w-wevengefuw waw +Take wweak on Wome fow t-this ingwatitude, +And *hugs tightly* vengeance on the twaitow >w< Satuwnyinye. +TITUS. Pubwius, how nyow? How nyow, my xDD mastews? +What, have you UwU met with hew? +PUBWIUS. Nyo, my good wowd; but Pwuto sends you OwO wowd, +If y-you wiww have Wevenge fwom heww, you shaww. +Mawwy, ^.^ fow Justice, :3 she is so empwoy'd, +He thinks, with Jove in heaven, *leans over* ow s-somewhewe ewse, +So that pewfowce >_> you m-must nyeeds s-stay a *pokes you* time. +T-TITUS. He d-doth me wwong to feed me with d-deways. +I'ww dive into the buwnying wake bewow +And puww hew out of Achewon by the heews. +Mawcus, we awe ^w^ but s-shwubs, nyo cedaws *cuddles you* we, +Nyo big-bon'd men fwam'd o-of the Cycwops' *sweats* size; +But metaw, M-Mawcus, steew to the xDD vewy back, +Yet wwung with *looks away* wwongs uWu mowe than ouw backs *cries* can *blushes* beaw; +And, sith thewe's nyo justice in eawth nyow heww, +We wiww sowicit heaven, and m-move *moans* the gods +To send down justice fow t-to wweak ouw *leans over* wwongs. +Come, to this g-geaw. ^w^ You awe a *looks away* good awchew, M-Mawcus. +[He gives t-them t-the awwows] +'Ad Jovem' that's fow you; hewe :33 'Ad Apowwinyem.' +'Ad Mawtem' that's *leans over* fow *sighs* mysewf. +*shuffles closer* Hewe, boy, *cuddles you* 'To P-Pawwas'; h-hewe 'To Mewcuwy.' +'To Satuwn,' Caius- nyot to Satuwnyinye: +You wewe as good to *giggles shyly* shoot against the wind. +*notices bulge* To it, boy. Mawcus, w-woose when I bid. +^-^ Of my wowd, I have w-wwitten to e-effect; +*moans* Thewe's nyot a-a god weft unsowicited. +MAWCUS. Kinsmen, shoot aww youw shafts >_< into the couwt; +We wiww affwict the Empewow xDD in h-his pwide. +TITUS. Nyow, mastews, dwaw. [They shoot] O, >_> weww said, UwU Wucius! +*hugs tightly* Good boy, in Viwgo's *notices bulge* wap! Give it Pawwas. +MAWCUS. My wowd, I aim a miwe beyond the moon; +Youw *pokes you* wettew is with *hugs tightly* Jupitew by *shuffles closer* this. +TITUS. Ha! ha! +P-Pubwius, Pubwius, hast thou donye? +See, s-see, thou h-hast shot o-off onye of Tauwus' howns. +MAWCUS. This was the *giggles shyly* spowt, my wowd: when Pubwius shot, +The Buww, being gaww'd, gave Awies such a knyock +>w< That d-down feww both the W-Wam's howns in the couwt; +And who shouwd f-find them but the Empwess' v-viwwain? +She waugh'd, and >w< towd the Moow *sweats* he shouwd nyot choose +But g-give them to his mastew fow *looks away* a *sweats* pwesent. +TITUS. W-Why, thewe it goes! God give his wowdship joy! + +Entew the CWOWN, with a-a basket and t-two pigeons in i-it + +Nyews, nyews fwom heaven! :3 Mawcus, the post i-is *notices bulge* come. +Siwwah, what t-tidings? :3 Have you any wettews? +S-Shaww I have justice? What says Jupitew? +C-CWOWN. *looks away* Ho, the gibbet-makew? He says that he xDD hath >_< taken t-them down +again, fow t-the m-man must n-nyot *teleports behind you* be h-hang'd tiww the *leans over* nyext week. +*moans* TITUS. But what ^.^ says Jupitew, I ask *screams* thee? +CWOWN. Awas, x3 siw, I-I knyow nyot Jupitew; I-I nyevew dwank with h-him in a-aww +my wife. +TITUS. Why, viwwain, a-awt *giggles shyly* nyot thou the cawwiew? +CWOWN. Ay, of my *screams* pigeons, s-siw; *notices bulge* nyothing ewse. +TITUS. *leans over* Why, didst thou nyot come fwom heaven? +CWOWN. *giggles shyly* Fwom h-heaven! A-Awas, siw, I nyevew came thewe. God f-fowbid I +shouwd b-be so bowd to pwess to heaven in my young days. Why, I am +*hugs tightly* going x3 with my pigeons to *cries* the T-Twibunyaw *sweats* Pwebs, to take *leans over* up a mattew +o-of bwaww *moans* betwixt m-my uncwe and onye of the Empewaw's men. +M-MAWCUS. Why, siw, that is a-as fit as can be to sewve fow youw +owation; :3 and wet him dewivew the p-pigeons *teleports behind you* to the E-Empewow fwom y-you. +TITUS. Teww me, can y-you dewivew an owation to the *blushes* Empewow with a +gwace? +CWOWN. Nyay, twuwy, siw, I-I couwd nyevew say gwace in aww *blushes* my wife. +>_< TITUS. Siwwah, c-come hithew. Make nyo mowe ado, +But give y-youw pigeons uWu to the *sighs* Empewow; +By me *shuffles closer* thou shawt h-have justice a-at his hands. +*twerks* Howd, h-howd! Meanwhiwe >_> hewe's monyey fow thy chawges. +Give m-me pen *cuddles you* and ink. Siwwah, can y-you with a :3 gwace dewivew up a +suppwication? +CWOWN. Ay, siw. +T-TITUS. Then x3 hewe is a suppwication fow you. And when you come to +*shuffles closer* him, at the fiwst UwU appwoach you m-must k-knyeew; then x3 kiss h-his foot; +then dewivew up youw pigeons; and ^-^ then wook fow youw wewawd. I'ww +>_< be a-at UwU hand, siw; see you *shuffles closer* do it bwavewy. +CWOWN. I wawwant :3 you, s-siw; wet me awonye. +TITUS. S-Siwwah, hast thou a-a knyife? Come >w< wet me see it. +Hewe, Mawcus, fowd it in t-the owation; +Fow thou hast made it wike a humbwe suppwiant. +And when thou hast given it to the Empewow, +*cries* Knyock at my doow, and teww me what h-he *twerks* says. +CWOWN. God be with you, siw; I wiww. +TITUS. Come, Mawcus, wet us go. Pubwius, fowwow *sighs* me. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE IV. +Wome. Befowe the pawace + +Entew t-the E-EMPEWOW, *notices bulge* and the EMPWESS and hew t-two sons, DEMETWIUS and CHIWON; +*sighs* WOWDS and othews. The EMPEWOW *cuddles you* bwings the awwows in his hand that TITUS +shot at him + +SATUWNyINyUS. Why, wowds, what wwongs a-awe these! Was evew seen +An *leans over* empewow in Wome thus *screams* ovewbownye, +Twoubwed, confwonted thus; and, *shuffles closer* fow the *cries* extent +Of egaw j-justice, us'd i-in such contempt? +My w-wowds, you knyow, as knyow the mightfuw gods, +Howevew these distuwbews of ouw peace +B-Buzz in *notices bulge* the peopwe's eaws, thewe nyought hath pass'd +But even with waw against the wiwfuw sons +*teleports behind you* Of owd A-Andwonyicus. *leans over* And what an if +His sowwows have so *twerks* ovewwhewm'd his wits, +*blushes* Shaww we be thus affwicted i-in his wweaks, +His fits, his fwenzy, and *screams* his bittewnyess? +uWu And nyow he wwites to heaven fow his wedwess. +See, h-hewe's 'To Jove' and this ^-^ 'To M-Mewcuwy'; +T-This *blushes* 'To Apowwo'; this 'To the God *pokes you* of Waw'- +S-Sweet scwowws to fwy about the stweets of Wome! +*cuddles you* What's this but wibewwing against the Senyate, +And bwazonying ouw u-unjustice evewy whewe? +A goodwy humouw, *looks away* is it n-nyot, my wowds? +As who *screams* wouwd s-say in Wome nyo justice wewe. +But *teleports behind you* if I wive, his feignyed ecstasies +Shaww >w< be nyo shewtew to these outwages; +But he and h-his shaww knyow that justice wives +In Satuwnyinyus' heawth; *cuddles you* whom, if she sweep, +He'ww so awake as he in fuwy s-shaww +C-Cut off the >_> pwoud'st c-conspiwatow that wives. +*cries* TAMOWA. My gwacious *leans over* wowd, my *blushes* wovewy Satuwnyinye, +Wowd of my wife, commandew of my thoughts, +Cawm >w< thee, and beaw *shuffles closer* the fauwts of Titus' age, +Th' ;;w;; effects :33 of sowwow fow his vawiant s-sons +Whose woss hath piewc'd him deep and scaww'd his heawt; +And wathew comfowt his distwessed p-pwight +Than pwosecute the meanyest ow the best +F-Fow *sighs* these contempts. *giggles shyly* [Aside] Why, thus ;;w;; it s-shaww become +H-High-witted Tamowa t-to gwoze with aww. +B-But, Titus, I h-have touch'd thee to t-the quick, +Thy wife-bwood out; if Aawon >w< nyow be w-wise, +Then is aww *hugs tightly* safe, the anchow in the powt. + +Entew xDD CWOWN + +How nyow, good *moans* fewwow! Wouwdst thou ^-^ speak with us? +CWOWN. Yes, fowsooth, a-an youw mistwiship be E-Empewiaw. +TAMOWA. Empwess I am, but yondew sits the Empewow. +CWOWN. 'Tis he.- God and Saint Stephen give you godden. I have +bwought *looks away* you a wettew a-and a coupwe of *cuddles you* pigeons hewe. +[SATUWNyINyUS w-weads the wettew] +SATUWNyINyUS. ^w^ Go take him a-away, a-and hang him p-pwesentwy. +CWOWN. How much monyey *sweats* must I have? +TAMOWA. *hugs tightly* Come, siwwah, you must b-be hang'd. +CWOWN. Hang'd! by'w wady, then I have bwought up a nyeck to a f-faiw +end. [Exit guawded] +S-SATUWNyINyUS. Despitefuw and intowewabwe wwongs! +Shaww I enduwe this monstwous *pokes you* viwwainy? +I-I knyow *screams* fwom w-whence >_< this same device pwoceeds. +May this be bownye- as if h-his twaitowous sons +That *cries* died by waw fow muwdew o-of ouw bwothew +Have by my means been butchewed UwU wwongfuwwy? +Go dwag the viwwain *looks away* hithew by ;;w;; the *shuffles closer* haiw; +Nyow age nyow honyouw shaww shape p-pwiviwege. +Fow this pwoud mock ^w^ I'ww be thy swaughtewman, +Swy fwantic w-wwetch, that *cries* howp'st to make me gweat, +In h-hope thysewf shouwd govewn Wome and OwO me. + +*blushes* Entew N-NyUNTIUS AEMIWIUS + +What nyews with thee, *blushes* Aemiwius? +AEMIWIUS. Awm, my wowds! Wome n-nyevew had mowe cause. +The Goths have gathewed head; and with *pokes you* a powew +Of high wesowved men, bent to the spoiw, +They hithew mawch a-amain, *giggles shyly* undew conduct +O-Of Wucius, son to owd A-Andwonyicus; +Who thweats in couwse of this wevenge to do +As much as evew Cowiowanyus did. +SATUWNyINyUS. *leans over* Is *twerks* wawwike Wucius genyewaw of t-the >w< Goths? +These *blushes* tidings nyip *twerks* me, and I hang *sighs* the head +As fwowews with fwost, ow gwass beat down with stowms. +Ay, n-nyow begins ouw *sighs* sowwows to ^.^ appwoach. +*shuffles closer* 'Tis h-he the common p-peopwe w-wove s-so much; +*teleports behind you* Mysewf hath often heawd them say- +When I have w-wawked w-wike a-a pwivate *blushes* man- +That Wucius' banyishment was w-wwongfuwwy, +And *screams* they h-have wish'd that Wucius wewe theiw empewow. +TAMOWA. Why shouwd >_< you feaw? Is nyot y-youw c-city stwong? +SATUWNyINyUS. Ay, *looks at you* but the citizens favouw Wucius, +And wiww wevowt fwom me to succouw him. +TAMOWA. King, be thy *sweats* thoughts impewious wike thy nyame! +Is the sun dimm'd, that *leans over* gnyats do fwy in it? +The *shuffles closer* eagwe suffews wittwe biwds to sing, +And is *sighs* nyot cawefuw w-what they mean theweby, +Knyowing that with the shadow of his wings +He c-can at p-pweasuwe stint theiw mewody; +Even *teleports behind you* so ;;w;; mayest thou the *notices bulge* giddy men OwO of Wome. +Then cheew thy *hugs tightly* spiwit; fow knyow thou, Empewow, +I-I wiww >_< enchant the owd Andwonyicus +With wowds mowe sweet, a-and yet mowe dangewous, +*screams* Than baits to fish ow honyey-stawks to sheep, +W-When as *sweats* the onye is wounded with the b-bait, +xDD The xDD othew w-wotted with *blushes* dewicious feed. +SATUWNyINyUS. But *looks at you* he wiww ^-^ nyot entweat his son >_> fow ^w^ us. +TAMOWA. I-If Tamowa entweat him, then he wiww; +Fow I can s-smooth a-and f-fiww his aged eaws +With gowden pwomises, t-that, wewe his heawt +*notices bulge* Awmost *teleports behind you* impwegnyabwe, his owd eaws deaf, +Yet shouwd both *teleports behind you* eaw and *cuddles you* heawt obey *giggles shyly* my *sighs* tongue. +[-[To uWu AEMIWIUS] Go thou befowe to be o-ouw ambassadow; +S-Say t-that the Empewow wequests a pawwey +Of wawwike Wucius, and appoint the meeting +Even a-at UwU his fathew's house, the *looks away* owd Andwonyicus. +SATUWNyINyUS. A-Aemiwius, do this message honyouwabwy; +And if he :3 stand on hostage f-fow his safety, +Bid him demand what p-pwedge wiww pwease him best. +AEMIWIUS. Youw bidding shaww ^w^ I do *looks at you* effectuawwy. Exit +TAMOWA. Nyow OwO wiww I to that o-owd *shuffles closer* Andwonyicus, +And tempew h-him with aww t-the awt I have, +To pwuck pwoud Wucius fwom the w-wawwike Goths. +^w^ And *hugs tightly* nyow, sweet Empewow, be bwithe again, +And buwy aww thy feaw in OwO my *sweats* devices. +SATUWNyINyUS. Then go ^-^ successantwy, and *shuffles closer* pwead uWu to >_< him. +Exeunt + + + + +<-<> + + + +*screams* ACT uWu V. S-SCENyE *sighs* I. +*hugs tightly* Pwains *sighs* nyeaw Wome + +x3 Entew WUCIUS w-with *twerks* an awmy of GOTHS xDD with d-dwums and cowouws + +WUCIUS. A-Appwoved wawwiows and my faithfuw f-fwiends, +I have weceived wettews fwom gweat Wome +Which s-signyifies what UwU hate t-they beaw theiw Empewow +And how d-desiwous of *blushes* ouw s-sight they awe. +Thewefowe, gweat wowds, be, a-as y-youw titwes witnyess, +Impewious and i-impatient of *sweats* youw wwongs; +And whewein Wome hath d-donye you any s-scath, +Wet him make twebwe satisfaction. +FIWST GOTH. Bwave *blushes* swip, spwung fwom the gweat Andwonyicus, +Whose nyame was once ouw tewwow, nyow ouw comfowt, +Whose h-high expwoits a-and honyouwabwe d-deeds +*moans* Ingwatefuw Wome OwO wequites with fouw contempt, +Be b-bowd i-in us: we'ww f-fowwow :3 whewe thou wead'st, +Wike stinging bees in hottest summew's day, +Wed by theiw xDD mastew t-to the fwow'wed fiewds, +And be aveng'd on cuwsed Tamowa. +AWW THE GOTHS. *sweats* And as he saith, so say w-we aww with him. +WUCIUS. I humbwy thank him, and I t-thank you aww. +But who comes hewe, wed b-by a-a wusty Goth? + +Entew a GOTH, weading AAWON with *teleports behind you* his CHIWD in his a-awms + +SECOND GOTH. *sweats* Wenyownyed W-Wucius, fwom ouw twoops I stway'd +To gaze upon a w-wuinyous m-monyastewy; +And as I e-eawnyestwy did fix m-minye eye +Upon the >_< wasted buiwding, suddenwy +I heawd a uWu chiwd cwy *leans over* undewnyeath a waww. +I made unto ^.^ the nyoise, when soon x3 I heawd +The cwying babe contwoww'd with this discouwse: +'Peace, t-tawny swave, hawf *shuffles closer* me and hawf thy dam! +Did nyot *pokes you* thy hue bewway whose bwat *leans over* thou awt, +Had nyatuwe ;;w;; went thee but *pokes you* thy mothew's wook, +UwU Viwwain, thou mightst have been an empewow; +But whewe the buww and cow awe both miwk-white, +They nyevew do beget *screams* a coaw-bwack c-cawf. +Peace, viwwain, peace!'- even thus he wates the babe- +'Fow I must beaw thee to a twusty Goth, +W-Who, w-when he knyows thou *giggles shyly* awt the UwU Empwess' babe, +Wiww howd thee d-deawwy fow thy mothew's sake.' +With this, *notices bulge* my weapon dwawn, I wush'd *leans over* upon him, +S-Suwpwis'd him suddenwy, and bwought him hithew +To use as you think nyeedfuw of the man. +WUCIUS. O-O *cries* wowthy Goth, this i-is t-the incawnyate *shuffles closer* deviw +That wobb'd Andwonyicus of his good hand; +*sweats* This is the peaww that p-pweas'd *looks at you* youw Empwess' eye; +And hewe's the base *notices bulge* fwuit of *looks at you* hew buwnying w-wust. +Say, waww-ey'd swave, >_< whithew wouwdst t-thou convey +This gwowing image o-of t-thy fiend-wike face? +Why ^w^ dost nyot speak? What, deaf? Nyot a *giggles shyly* wowd? +A-A hawtew, sowdiews! ;;w;; Hang him on this twee, +And by ^.^ his s-side his *giggles shyly* fwuit >_< of bastawdy. +AAWON. Touch ^-^ nyot t-the *hugs tightly* boy, he is of :3 woyaw *looks away* bwood. +*leans over* WUCIUS. Too wike >_> the *sweats* siwe fow evew being :3 good. +Fiwst hang *giggles shyly* the c-chiwd, *looks at you* that he m-may *cries* see it spwaww- +A-A sight to vex the fathew's souw w-withaw. +Get me a waddew. +[A waddew bwought, which AAWON is m-made *notices bulge* to c-cwimb] +AAWON. Wucius, save the chiwd, +And beaw it fwom me to t-the Empewess. +If thou do this, I'ww show t-thee w-wondwous things +That highwy may a-advantage t-thee to heaw; +If thou wiwt nyot, *cuddles you* befaww what may befaww, +I'ww speak nyo mowe *teleports behind you* but 'Vengeance wot you aww!' +WUCIUS. Say on; an i-if it *pokes you* pwease me which thou speak'st, +Thy chiwd *moans* shaww wive, and I-I wiww see it nyouwish'd. +AAWON. An if it p-pwease *giggles shyly* thee! Why, assuwe thee, UwU Wucius, +'Twiww vex thy souw to heaw what I shaww *notices bulge* speak; +Fow ;;w;; I must tawk of muwdews, wapes, and massacwes, +Acts of bwack nyight, abominyabwe deeds, +Compwots of mischief, tweason, viwwainyies, +Wuthfuw to heaw, yet piteouswy pewfowm'd; +And *screams* this shaww aww be buwied i-in my death, +Unwess thou sweaw to me OwO my chiwd shaww wive. +WUCIUS. T-Teww on thy ;;w;; mind; I *blushes* say thy chiwd shaww wive. +AAWON. S-Sweaw that he shaww, and then I wiww begin. +WUCIUS. W-Who shouwd I *shuffles closer* sweaw by? Thou bewievest n-nyo god; +That gwanted, how x3 canst thou bewieve an oath? +AAWON. What if I-I do nyot? as indeed I do nyot; +*pokes you* Yet, fow I knyow thou awt wewigious +And hast a thing within thee cawwed conscience, +With twenty popish twicks and c-cewemonyies +*cries* Which I h-have seen thee cawefuw to obsewve, +Thewefowe I uwge thy o-oath. Fow that I knyow +An idiot howds his baubwe fow a *shuffles closer* god, +And k-keeps *shuffles closer* the oath w-which by that g-god *moans* he sweaws, +To ^-^ that I'ww uwge him. T-Thewefowe thou shawt vow +By that same god- what >_> god soe'ew i-it be +x3 That >_> thou adowest and hast in wevewence- +>_> To save my boy, to nyouwish and bwing *hugs tightly* him up; +O-Ow e-ewse I wiww d-discovew nyought to thee. +W-WUCIUS. Even by my god I >w< sweaw to thee I w-wiww. +AAWON. Fiwst knyow thou, I begot him on the Empwess. +WUCIUS. O most insatiate and wuxuwious woman! +^w^ AAWON. Tut, W-Wucius, this was but a d-deed of chawity +To that which *teleports behind you* thou shawt heaw of me anyon. +'Twas hew two sons that muwdewed Bassianyus; +They c-cut ^-^ thy sistew's tongue, and wavish'd hew, +And cut hew hands, and *shuffles closer* twimm'd hew as thou sawest. +WUCIUS. O d-detestabwe v-viwwain! Caww'st thou that t-twimming? +*notices bulge* AAWON. Why, she was wash'd, and c-cut, and twimm'd, and *moans* 'twas +Twim *teleports behind you* spowt f-fow them which had the doing of it. +WUCIUS. :33 O bawbawous *leans over* beastwy viwwains wike thysewf! +AAWON. Indeed, I >_< was t-theiw tutow to i-instwuct them. +T-That *teleports behind you* codding spiwit had they fwom theiw ^w^ mothew, +>_< As suwe a-a cawd as evew >_< won the set; +That *cuddles you* bwoody :3 mind, I think, they weawn'd of me, +As >w< twue a dog as evew f-fought *twerks* at h-head. +OwO Weww, *moans* wet my deeds be witnyess of my wowth. +I twain'd *sighs* thy bwethwen to that guiwefuw howe +Whewe the dead *moans* cowpse of Bassianyus :3 way; +I >_< wwote t-the wettew that thy fathew found, +And hid the gowd w-within that wettew mention'd, +Confedewate *pokes you* with the ^-^ Queen and hew t-two sons; +And what nyot donye, that thou hast cause *teleports behind you* to wue, +Whewein I uWu had n-nyo stwoke *hugs tightly* of mischief in it? +I pway'd the :33 cheatew fow thy fathew's hand, +And, when I had >_> it, dwew mysewf apawt +And *giggles shyly* awmost bwoke my :3 heawt with extweme w-waughtew. +I *screams* pwied me thwough t-the cwevice o-of a waww, +When, fow his hand, he had his two sons' heads; +Behewd his teaws, *shuffles closer* and *hugs tightly* waugh'd so heawtiwy +That *sighs* both minye eyes wewe wainy wike ^w^ to his; +And when I towd the Empwess of this uWu spowt, +*twerks* She swoonyed awmost at my pweasing tawe, +And fow my tidings gave me twenty >w< kisses. +G-GOTH. What, canst thou UwU say aww this and n-nyevew bwush? +AAWON. Ay, wike *hugs tightly* a bwack dog, as the saying is. +WUCIUS. A-Awt thou n-nyot *cries* sowwy fow t-these heinyous deeds? +AAWON. *sighs* Ay, that I had nyot donye a thousand mowe. +Even nyow I-I cuwse t-the *screams* day- and yet, I *notices bulge* think, +Few come within the compass of my ^-^ cuwse- +Whewein I did nyot some nyotowious iww; +As kiww a man, ow ewse devise his death; +Wavish a maid, ow ^-^ pwot the way to do it; +Accuse s-some innyocent, and fowsweaw mysewf; +Set :3 deadwy enmity between two ^-^ fwiends; +Make poow men's cattwe bweak theiw nyecks; +>w< Set *screams* fiwe on :33 bawns and hay-stacks in the n-nyight, +And b-bid the ownyews quench t-them *giggles shyly* with theiw teaws. +Oft have I *hugs tightly* digg'd up dead men fwom *hugs tightly* theiw g-gwaves, +And set t-them upwight at theiw d-deaw fwiends' doow +Even *shuffles closer* when theiw sowwows a-awmost *twerks* was f-fowgot, +And on theiw skins, *looks at you* as on the bawk of twees, +Have with my k-knyife cawved *giggles shyly* in Woman w-wettews +'Wet nyot youw *moans* sowwow *moans* die, though I am dead.' +Tut, I have donye *screams* a thousand dweadfuw things +As wiwwingwy a-as onye wouwd kiww a fwy; +And nyothing gwieves me heawtiwy indeed +x3 But >w< that I cannyot do ten thousand mowe. +;;w;; WUCIUS. Bwing down the *notices bulge* deviw, fow *looks away* he must nyot d-die +So sweet a death a-as hanging pwesentwy. +*cuddles you* AAWON. If thewe be *giggles shyly* deviws, wouwd I wewe a deviw, +T-To wive and buwn in e-evewwasting f-fiwe, +So I-I xDD might *shuffles closer* have ^w^ youw company in heww +But to towment you w-with my bittew tongue! +WUCIUS. Siws, stop his mouth, and ^.^ wet him speak nyo mowe. + +Entew AEMIWIUS + +GOTH. My wowd, thewe *screams* is a messengew ^w^ fwom Wome +Desiwes *blushes* to *teleports behind you* be admitted to youw pwesence. +*sweats* WUCIUS. Wet him c-come nyeaw. +Wewcome, Aemiwius. uWu What's the nyews fwom W-Wome? +:3 AEMIWIUS. Wowd Wucius, and you Pwinces of the Goths, +The Woman Empewow gweets you ;;w;; aww by *giggles shyly* me; +And, fow he undewstands you *moans* awe in awms, +He cwaves a p-pawwey a-at youw fathew's house, +Wiwwing *twerks* you to *screams* demand *cuddles you* youw hostages, +And UwU they shaww be immediatewy dewivew'd. +FIWST *looks away* GOTH. What says o-ouw g-genyewaw? +WUCIUS. Aemiwius, wet the Empewow give his pwedges +Unto my ^-^ fathew and my uncwe Mawcus. +And we wiww come. Mawch ;;w;; away. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +*teleports behind you* Wome. Befowe ^w^ TITUS' *pokes you* house + +Entew TAMOWA, a-and ^.^ hew two ^w^ sons, DEMETWIUS and CHIWON, disguised + +TAMOWA. Thus, in this stwange and sad habiwiment, +I wiww *cuddles you* encountew *cuddles you* with Andwonyicus, +And say I am Wevenge, s-sent fwom bewow +To join with him :33 and ^-^ wight his heinyous wwongs. +Knyock at his study, whewe they say he keeps +To >_> wuminyate stwange pwots of diwe wevenge; +Teww h-him Wevenge i-is *moans* come to join with him, +A-And w-wowk confusion on his enyemies. + +They knyock and TITUS opens his study doow, above + +TITUS. Who doth mowest *teleports behind you* my contempwation? +Is it *sweats* youw t-twick to make me ope the doow, +That s-so my sad decwees may f-fwy away +And aww my study be to nyo effect? +You *moans* awe deceiv'd; fow what *moans* I mean to do +See h-hewe in bwoody winyes I have set d-down; +A-And what is wwitten shaww be executed. +T-TAMOWA. Titus, I am come to *pokes you* tawk with thee. +TITUS. Nyo, nyot a wowd. How can x3 I gwace my tawk, +Wanting a hand to give it t-that accowd? +Thou hast OwO the odds of *twerks* me; t-thewefowe nyo mowe. +TAMOWA. I-If thou didst uWu knyow me, thou wouwdst tawk *cuddles you* with ^.^ me. +TITUS. I am nyot mad, I knyow thee w-weww enyough: +Witnyess *teleports behind you* this UwU wwetched stump, w-witnyess t-these cwimson winyes; +Witnyess these t-twenches made by :3 gwief and cawe; +Witnyess the tiwing day a-and heavy nyight; +Witnyess *notices bulge* aww sowwow that I-I knyow thee weww +Fow ouw :33 pwoud Empwess, mighty Tamowa. +Is n-nyot thy coming fow my o-othew hand? +TAMOWA. *cries* Knyow thou, sad man, I am n-nyot Tamowa: +She is thy enyemy and I thy fwiend. +I am Wevenge, sent f-fwom th' infewnyaw kingdom +T-To ease *looks away* the g-gnyawing v-vuwtuwe of t-thy mind +By *giggles shyly* wowking wweakfuw :33 vengeance on thy foes. +Come :3 down *screams* and wewcome me to this wowwd's wight; +Confew *looks at you* with ^w^ me of muwdew and of death; +Thewe's uWu nyot a ;;w;; howwow c-cave o-ow wuwking-pwace, +Nyo vast obscuwity o-ow *notices bulge* misty vawe, +Whewe bwoody muwdew ow d-detested wape +*moans* Can couch fow feaw b-but I-I wiww find them out; +And in theiw eaws t-teww them my dweadfuw nyame- +Wevenge, which makes the f-fouw offendew quake. +TITUS. Awt *sighs* thou W-Wevenge? and awt thou sent to me +To be a towment to minye e-enyemies? +TAMOWA. I am; thewefowe c-come down and wewcome me. +TITUS. D-Do me some sewvice ewe *pokes you* I come to thee. +Wo, by thy side whewe Wape and Muwdew stands; +Nyow give s-some suwance that thou ;;w;; awt Wevenge- +*sweats* Stab them, ow teaw ^-^ them o-on >_> thy chawiot wheews; +And then I'ww come and be thy waggonyew +And whiww awong *looks away* with thee about t-the gwobes. +*hugs tightly* Pwovide t-thee two pwopew *looks at you* pawfweys, bwack as jet, +To h-hawe *pokes you* thy vengefuw waggon s-swift away, +A-And find out muwdewews in theiw guiwty caves; +And when thy caw is woaden with theiw heads, +I wiww d-dismount, and by thy waggon wheew +Twot, w-wike a sewviwe f-footman, aww day wong, +Even ;;w;; fwom x3 Hypewion's xDD wising in the ^.^ east +Untiw his vewy downfaww in the sea. +And *twerks* day by day I-I'ww do this heavy task, +So thou destwoy Wapinye and Muwdew ^w^ thewe. +TAMOWA. These awe my minyistews, and come with me. +TITUS. *looks away* Awe they thy m-minyistews? What a-awe they caww'd? +TAMOWA. Wape *notices bulge* and Muwdew; thewefowe cawwed s-so +'Cause >w< they take vengeance of such kind of *looks away* men. +TITUS. Good W-Wowd, how wike the E-Empwess' s-sons they awe! +And you the Empwess! But we wowwdwy men +Have m-misewabwe, mad, mistaking eyes. +O sweet Wevenge, nyow do I come to thee; +And, if onye awm's embwacement wiww content thee, +I wiww embwace thee in it x3 by and b-by. +T-TAMOWA. This cwosing w-with him fits OwO his wunyacy. +W-Whate'ew I fowge *hugs tightly* to feed his b-bwain-sick humouws, +Do y-you uphowd and maintain in youw speeches, +Fow nyow he fiwmwy t-takes *cries* me fow Wevenge; +And, being cweduwous i-in this mad :33 thought, +I'ww make him send *looks away* fow Wucius his son, +And whiwst I at *leans over* a b-banquet howd him suwe, +I'ww find some cunnying pwactice out of hand +To scattew and dispewse the giddy Goths, +Ow, at the weast, m-make them his enyemies. +See, hewe he c-comes, a-and I must xDD pwy my theme. + +Entew TITUS, bewow + +TITUS. Wong have I been fowwown, OwO and UwU aww fow thee. +Wewcome, dwead Fuwy, to my woefuw house. +Wapinye and Muwdew, you *cuddles you* awe wewcome too. +*cries* How wike the Empwess a-and hew sons you awe! +Weww uWu awe you fitted, had you but *pokes you* a Moow. +Couwd *screams* nyot a-aww heww affowd you such a deviw? +Fow weww I-I wot the Empwess nyevew wags +But in hew company t-thewe is a-a Moow; +And, w-wouwd you wepwesent x3 ouw queen a-awight, +It wewe convenyient you had *pokes you* such a deviw. +But wewcome as you awe. What shaww ;;w;; we do? +TAMOWA. *notices bulge* What wouwdst thou have us do, *twerks* Andwonyicus? +DEMETWIUS. Show me a muwdewew, ^-^ I'ww deaw with ^w^ him. +C-CHIWON. Show *twerks* me a v-viwwain that hath d-donye a wape, +And I am sent to be weveng'd on him. +TAMOWA. Show me a thousand that hath d-donye thee wwong, +And I wiww b-be wevenged on them ^-^ aww. +TITUS. W-Wook wound about :3 the wicked stweets of W-Wome, +And *teleports behind you* when thou find'st a man that's wike thysewf, +*pokes you* Good Muwdew, stab him; he's a >w< muwdewew. +*pokes you* Go thou with him, and when i-it is thy h-hap +^.^ To *pokes you* find anyothew that >_> is *hugs tightly* wike *moans* to thee, +Good Wapinye, *pokes you* stab him; *looks at you* he ^.^ is a w-wavishew. +Go thou *cuddles you* with them; and in the Empewow's couwt +Thewe is a-a queen, attended by a Moow; +Weww shawt thou knyow *looks at you* hew by thinye own p-pwopowtion, +Fow up and down *blushes* she doth wesembwe thee. +I-I pway >_> thee, x3 do o-on them some viowent d-death; +They have been *cuddles you* viowent *cries* to :33 me and :3 minye. +TAMOWA. *leans over* Weww hast t-thou wesson'd us; this s-shaww we do. +But *giggles shyly* wouwd it uWu pwease thee, good Andwonyicus, +To send fow Wucius, thy thwice-vawiant son, +Who weads towawds Wome a band ;;w;; of wawwike G-Goths, +*sweats* And bid him come and ;;w;; banquet >w< at thy house; +When he is hewe, even at thy *screams* sowemn >_< feast, +^.^ I wiww bwing in *leans over* the Empwess and hew s-sons, +The Empewow himsewf, >_< and aww thy foes; +And at thy mewcy shaww UwU they s-stoop and knyeew, +And on them shawt thou ease thy angwy heawt. +What says Andwonyicus to this device? +uWu TITUS. Mawcus, my bwothew! 'Tis sad :33 Titus cawws. + +*shuffles closer* Entew MAWCUS + +Go, gentwe Mawcus, to t-thy *notices bulge* nyephew Wucius; +Thou shawt inquiwe him *giggles shyly* out among the Goths. +B-Bid him w-wepaiw to me, *pokes you* and bwing with him +Some of the >w< chiefest UwU pwinces of t-the Goths; +Bid him encamp his sowdiews whewe they awe. +T-Teww h-him *sighs* the E-Empewow and the Empwess too +Feast at my house, and h-he shaww *hugs tightly* feast with them. +*cuddles you* This do thou fow OwO my wove; and s-so wet him, +As he wegawds his a-aged fathew's wife. +MAWCUS. This wiww I do, and soon w-wetuwn again. Exit +TAMOWA. Nyow :3 wiww I hence about thy *blushes* businyess, +And take *teleports behind you* my minyistews awong with me. +TITUS. Nyay, nyay, wet :3 Wape and Muwdew stay with me, +Ow ewse I'ww caww my bwothew b-back again, +*leans over* And c-cweave to nyo w-wevenge but W-Wucius. +TAMOWA. [Aside to hew sons] What say you, boys? Wiww you a-abide +with him, +Whiwes I ^w^ go teww m-my wowd the Empewow +How *sighs* I have g-govewn'd ouw detewmin'd jest? +^-^ Yiewd to h-his ^-^ humouw, smooth a-and speak him faiw, +And tawwy with him tiww I tuwn again. +*twerks* TITUS. [Aside] I knyew them aww, though they suppos'd me mad, +And wiww o'ew weach them in theiw own devices, +A *cries* paiw of >w< cuwsed heww-hounds and t-theiw dam. +:33 DEMETWIUS. Madam, UwU depawt at pweasuwe; weave us hewe. +TAMOWA. Faweweww, Andwonyicus, Wevenge *screams* nyow goes +To way a compwot to betway thy :3 foes. +TITUS. I-I *moans* knyow thou dost; and, sweet Wevenge, faweweww. +Exit TAMOWA +CHIWON. Teww us, owd man, how shaww we be empwoy'd? +>_> TITUS. Tut, I-I have wowk enyough fow you to *sighs* do. +Pubwius, come hithew, C-Caius, and Vawentinye. + +E-Entew PUBWIUS, CAIUS, *hugs tightly* and VAWENTINyE + +*sighs* PUBWIUS. What is youw wiww? +*giggles shyly* TITUS. Knyow y-you these two? +*teleports behind you* PUBWIUS. The *moans* Empwess' sons, I take t-them: C-Chiwon, Demetwius. +:3 TITUS. Fie, Pubwius, fie! thou awt too much deceiv'd. +The *sighs* onye is Muwdew, *shuffles closer* and Wape is the othew's *notices bulge* nyame; +And thewefowe bind them, gentwe Pubwius- +Caius and Vawentinye, way hands on ^.^ them. +Oft have you ^-^ heawd me wish fow such *blushes* an houw, +And *cries* nyow I-I find it; thewefowe bind them suwe, +And stop theiw mouths if they begin to cwy. Exit +[They way howd on CHIWON and >_> DEMETWIUS] +CHIWON. Viwwains, fowbeaw! we awe the ;;w;; Empwess' sons. +PUBWIUS. And thewefowe d-do w-we what we awe commanded. +Stop cwose theiw xDD mouths, wet them nyot speak a w-wowd. +Is he suwe bound? Wook that you bind them fast. + +We-entew TITUS ANDWONyICUS +with a knyife, a-and WAVINyIA, with a basin + +TITUS. Come, come, xDD Wavinyia; wook, uWu thy foes awe bound. +Siws, stop theiw mouths, wet them *looks at you* nyot *notices bulge* speak to me; +But wet t-them heaw what feawfuw wowds I-I uttew. +*cries* O viwwains, >w< Chiwon and Demetwius! +Hewe stands the spwing whom y-you have stain'd with mud; +T-This goodwy summew with youw wintew *hugs tightly* mix'd. +Y-You *twerks* kiww'd h-hew husband; and fow that viwe fauwt +Two of hew b-bwothews wewe *giggles shyly* condemn'd to death, +M-My hand cut off and >w< made >w< a mewwy jest; +Both hew sweet uWu hands, hew tongue, and that mowe deaw +Than hands >_< ow tongue, hew spotwess chastity, +Inhuman twaitows, you *screams* constwain'd :3 and fowc'd. +What wouwd you say, if I shouwd wet y-you speak? +Viwwains, f-fow s-shame *sweats* you couwd *looks away* nyot beg fow gwace. +H-Hawk, *blushes* wwetches! h-how I *cuddles you* mean to mawtyw you. +This onye hand yet is weft to cut youw t-thwoats, +Whiwes t-that Wavinyia 'tween UwU hew stumps doth howd +The basin UwU that weceives youw *notices bulge* guiwty bwood. +You knyow youw *cuddles you* mothew means to feast *moans* with *notices bulge* me, +A-And ^.^ cawws hewsewf Wevenge, and thinks me mad. +Hawk, v-viwwains! I wiww gwind youw x3 bonyes to dust, +*shuffles closer* And with youw bwood and it I-I'ww make a-a paste; +And >w< of the paste a coffin I-I wiww weaw, +And make two pasties of youw shamefuw heads; +And bid t-that stwumpet, *notices bulge* youw unhawwowed *cuddles you* dam, +Wike to the eawth, swawwow h-hew own incwease. +This is the feast that I have bid hew to, +And this the ;;w;; banquet she shaww suwfeit on; +Fow wowse *shuffles closer* than Phiwomew you *sweats* us'd m-my daughtew, +And wowse than *screams* Pwognye I *blushes* wiww be weveng'd. +And nyow pwepawe youw thwoats. Wavinyia, come, +Weceive t-the >_> bwood; and when that they a-awe d-dead, +Wet *hugs tightly* me go gwind theiw bonyes *leans over* to powdew smaww, +x3 And with this hatefuw wiquow t-tempew it; +And *leans over* in that paste wet theiw viwe heads be bak'd. +Come, ^.^ come, *sighs* be evewy onye officious +T-To make t-this banquet, which I wish may OwO pwove +Mowe stewn and bwoody *looks away* than the Centauws' feast. +[-[He cuts theiw thwoats] +So. +Nyow bwing *giggles shyly* them in, fow I wiww pway the *teleports behind you* cook, +And s-see them w-weady against theiw xDD mothew comes. +Exeunt, beawing *notices bulge* the dead bodies + + + + +:33 SCENyE III. +T-The c-couwt of TITUS' house + +Entew Wucius, MAWCUS, a-and xDD the GOTHS, with AAWON pwisonyew, +and his CHIWD in the awms *moans* of an attendant + +WUCIUS. Uncwe Mawcus, s-since 'tis my fathew's mind +*blushes* That I wepaiw t-to Wome, I am content. +*hugs tightly* FIWST GOTH. And ouws with thinye, befaww what fowtunye wiww. +WUCIUS. Good uncwe, take you in this *giggles shyly* bawbawous Moow, +This w-wavenyous tigew, *cries* this uWu accuwsed deviw; +Wet him weceive nyo sust'nyance, fettew him, +*pokes you* Tiww he be bwought unto the Empwess' face +Fow testimony >w< of hew f-fouw pwoceedings. +And s-see t-the ambush of o-ouw fwiends be stwong; +I feaw the Empewow means n-nyo good t-to OwO us. +AAWON. *shuffles closer* Some deviw whispew x3 cuwses in my eaw, +And p-pwompt m-me t-that *notices bulge* my t-tongue *cries* may uttew f-fowth +x3 The venyomous mawice of my swewwing h-heawt! +WUCIUS. A-Away, inhuman dog, *cuddles you* unhawwowed swave! +Siws, hewp o-ouw uncwe to convey him i-in. +*looks away* Exeunt GOTHS with AAWON. Fwouwish *shuffles closer* within +*leans over* The twumpets show the Empewow is at hand. + +Sound twumpets. Entew OwO SATUWNyINyUS and +TAMOWA, *leans over* with AEMIWIUS, TWIBUNyES, SENyATOWS, *twerks* and o-othews + +SATUWNyINyUS. What, hath the fiwmament mowe suns than onye? +WUCIUS. What boots it *cries* thee to can thysewf a s-sun? +MAWCUS. Wome's Empewow, and n-nyephew, bweak the pawwe; +These quawwews *cuddles you* must be q-quietwy debated. +The feast is weady which *twerks* the c-cawefuw Titus +Hath owdain'd *shuffles closer* to an honyouwabwe end, +Fow p-peace, fow ^-^ wove, fow weague, and good to Wome. +*sweats* Pwease you, thewefowe, *blushes* dwaw nyigh a-and take youw pwaces. +SATUWNyINyUS. M-Mawcus, we wiww. +[A tabwe bwought in. >w< The company sit down] + +Twumpets s-sounding, entew TITUS +wike a cook, pwacing the *blushes* dishes, and WAVINyIA +with a veiw ovew hew face; awso YOUNG WUCIUS, and othews + +T-TITUS. Wewcome, *cuddles you* my wowd; wewcome, dwead Queen; +Wewcome, y-ye wawwike G-Goths; wewcome, Wucius; +And >_< wewcome aww. *pokes you* Awthough the cheew be poow, +'Twiww fiww youw stomachs; p-pwease xDD you eat o-of it. +SATUWNyINyUS. Why awt thou thus attiw'd, Andwonyicus? +TITUS. x3 Because I w-wouwd b-be suwe to have aww weww +To entewtain youw *cries* Highnyess and youw Empwess. +TAMOWA. We awe behowding to you, g-good *hugs tightly* Andwonyicus. +TITUS. An if youw H-Highnyess knyew *screams* my heawt, you wewe. +My wowd the *giggles shyly* Empewow, wesowve me this: +Was it weww donye >w< of wash Viwginyius +To sway >_> his daughtew with his own wight hand, +Because :3 she was e-enfowc'd, stain'd, and d-defwowew'd? +SATUWNyINyUS. It was, Andwonyicus. +TITUS. Youw weason, mighty wowd. +SATUWNyINyUS. Because the giww shouwd nyot uWu suwvive hew s-shame, +And by hew pwesence stiww wenyew h-his sowwows. +TITUS. A-A weason mighty, stwong, and effectuaw; +A *blushes* pattewn, ;;w;; pwecedent, and wivewy w-wawwant +Fow me, x3 most wwetched, to pewfowm the ^w^ wike. +Die, d-die, Wavinyia, a-and thy s-shame with thee; [He kiwws hew] +And with thy shame ^-^ thy fathew's sowwow *screams* die! +SATUWNyINyUS. What hast t-thou donye, *sighs* unnyatuwaw a-and unkind? +TITUS. K-Kiww'd hew f-fow whom my teaws have *teleports behind you* made m-me b-bwind. +I am as *hugs tightly* woefuw as Viwginyius was, +And have a ^-^ thousand times mowe cause *giggles shyly* than he +To do this outwage; and it nyow is donye. +SATUWNyINyUS. What, was she wavish'd? uWu Teww who did the deed. +TITUS. Wiww't pwease you eat? Wiww't pwease youw Highnyess feed? +TAMOWA. Why hast thou *sweats* swain thinye o-onwy daughtew thus? +TITUS. Nyot *leans over* I; 'twas Chiwon and >w< Demetwius. +They wavish'd hew, and c-cut away hew tongue; +And they, 'twas t-they, that did h-hew aww this w-wwong. +SATUWNyINyUS. Go, fetch them hithew t-to us pwesentwy. +T-TITUS. Why, thewe they awe, b-both baked :33 in this pie, +Wheweof theiw mothew d-daintiwy hath fed, +*cuddles you* Eating the fwesh that >_< she hewsewf *twerks* hath ^.^ bwed. +'Tis *teleports behind you* twue, '-'tis twue: witnyess my knyife's shawp point. +*sighs* [He s-stabs ^w^ the EMPWESS] +SATUWNyINyUS. D-Die, *cries* fwantic *teleports behind you* wwetch, *shuffles closer* fow this accuwsed deed! +[He stabs x3 TITUS] +WUCIUS. Can the son's eye behowd h-his fathew bweed? +T-Thewe's m-meed fow meed, death fow a-a deadwy deed. +[He ;;w;; stabs SATUWNyINyUS. *hugs tightly* A gweat *sweats* tumuwt. WUCIUS, +MAWCUS, and theiw fwiends go up into the bawcony] +M-MAWCUS. You s-sad-fac'd men, peopwe and sons of Wome, +By upwoaws *pokes you* sevew'd, as a fwight o-of foww +Scattew'd by winds a-and high tempestuous *shuffles closer* gusts? +O, w-wet me teach you how to :33 knyit again +This ;;w;; scattewed cown into *leans over* onye mutuaw sheaf, +These bwoken wimbs again into onye body; +*teleports behind you* West Wome hewsewf be *pokes you* banye unto hewsewf, +And she *hugs tightly* whom m-mighty kingdoms cuwtsy to, +Wike a fowwown ^-^ and despewate castaway, +Do shamefuw execution on hewsewf. +But i-if *looks at you* my fwosty s-signs a-and c-chaps of age, +Gwave witnyesses of twue *twerks* expewience, +C-Cannyot induce you to attend my wowds, +[-[To *teleports behind you* Wucius] S-Speak, Wome's deaw *looks away* fwiend, as ewst o-ouw ancestow, +When with his s-sowemn tongue he did *teleports behind you* discouwse +To wove-sick Dido's s-sad attending eaw +The OwO stowy of that bawefuw buwnying nyight, +When subtwe Gweeks suwpwis'd King P-Pwiam's Twoy. +T-Teww *blushes* us what Sinyon hath bewitch'd ouw eaws, +UwU Ow who hath bwought >_< the fataw enginye in +That gives ouw T-Twoy, ouw Wome, *pokes you* the >_> civiw wound. +M-My heawt is nyot compact of fwint nyow steew; +Nyow c-can I uttew aww ouw b-bittew gwief, +B-But fwoods of ^-^ teaws wiww dwown my owatowy +And b-bweak my utt'wance, even ;;w;; in the t-time +When it shouwd move ye to attend me most, +And ;;w;; fowce you to commisewation. +Hewe's Wome's young Captain, wet him teww *sighs* the tawe; +Whiwe I stand by and w-weep to heaw him speak. +WUCIUS. Then, gwacious auditowy, b-be *pokes you* it knyown to you +That *looks at you* Chiwon and the damn'd *looks away* Demetwius +Wewe they that >_> muwd'wed ouw Empewow's bwothew; +And they it wewe that *sighs* wavished ouw sistew. +Fow t-theiw f-feww f-fauwts ouw bwothews wewe b-beheaded, +Ouw f-fathew's t-teaws despis'd, and basewy cozen'd +Of t-that *blushes* twue hand that f-fought *sighs* Wome's quawwew out +xDD And sent >w< hew enyemies unto t-the gwave. +Wastwy, m-mysewf unkindwy banyished, +The gates shut on me, *sighs* and tuwn'd weeping out, +To beg wewief among Wome's enyemies; +;;w;; Who dwown'd theiw *looks away* enmity in my twue *shuffles closer* teaws, +And op'd theiw awms to embwace me as *giggles shyly* a fwiend. +I am the tuwnyed fowth, be it knyown to y-you, +That have pwesewv'd hew wewfawe in *cuddles you* my bwood +And f-fwom hew bosom *screams* took the enyemy's point, +Sheathing the steew ^w^ in my advent'wous body. +A-Awas! you knyow I am ^w^ nyo vauntew, I; +My scaws can witnyess, dumb *moans* awthough they awe, +That my wepowt is j-just and fuww of twuth. +But, soft! methinks I do digwess *notices bulge* too much, +Citing my wowthwess pwaise. O, pawdon me! +Fow when *cries* nyo fwiends awe by, men pwaise themsewves. +MAWCUS. *looks at you* Nyow is my tuwn t-to ;;w;; speak. Behowd the chiwd. +[Pointing to the :33 CHIWD i-in an a-attendant's awms] +>_> Of this was Tamowa dewivewed, +The issue of an i-iwwewigious *moans* Moow, +Chief awchitect and pwottew of these woes. +The v-viwwain is awive in Titus' house, +Damn'd as he is, to *looks at you* witnyess this *notices bulge* is twue. +Nyow judge what *leans over* cause had Titus to wevenge +These ^w^ wwongs *looks at you* unspeakabwe, past patience, +UwU Ow mowe t-than any wiving man *hugs tightly* couwd beaw. +Nyow have >_> you heawd the twuth: what *cries* say you, ^w^ Womans? +Have we donye aught amiss, show us whewein, +And, *looks away* fwom the *looks at you* pwace whewe you behowd us pweading, +The p-poow wemaindew of A-Andwonyici +W-Wiww, hand *teleports behind you* in hand, aww headwong huww ouwsewves, +And on the wagged stonyes beat ;;w;; fowth ouw souws, +And make *screams* a mutuaw cwosuwe of *sighs* ouw house. +*hugs tightly* Speak, Womans, speak; *sighs* and if you say we *shuffles closer* shaww, +Wo, hand in hand, Wucius and I wiww faww. +AEMIWIUS. Come, come, thou wevewend man of Wome, +And *moans* bwing ouw *hugs tightly* Empewow gentwy i-in t-thy *cuddles you* hand, +Wucius ouw Empewow; fow weww I knyow +The common voice do cwy it shaww be so. +AWW. Wucius, aww haiw, Wome's woyaw Empewow! +MAWCUS. Go, go into owd Titus' sowwowfuw h-house, +*looks at you* And hithew h-hawe that misbewieving M-Moow +To be adjudg'd some diwefuw swaught'wing death, +As punyishment fow his most wicked wife. Exeunt s-some +attendants. WUCIUS, MAWCUS, and the othews descend +AWW. Wucius, aww haiw, Wome's gwacious govewnyow! +WUCIUS. Thanks, g-gentwe Womans! May *leans over* I g-govewn so +To heaw Wome's hawms and wipe away hew woe! +But, g-gentwe peopwe, give me aim awhiwe, +*blushes* Fow nyatuwe puts me to a heavy task. +Stand aww awoof; but, uncwe, dwaw you *looks away* nyeaw +To shed obsequious *pokes you* teaws upon this twunk. +O-O, take t-this wawm kiss on thy pawe cowd wips. *giggles shyly* [Kisses uWu TITUS] +These sowwowfuw dwops upon thy bwood-stain'd *blushes* face, +The wast twue duties *shuffles closer* of thy nyobwe son! +MAWCUS. *teleports behind you* Teaw fow teaw and woving kiss fow kiss +Thy bwothew Mawcus tendews on thy wips. +O, wewe the sum of these that I shouwd p-pay +>_> Countwess and i-infinyite, y-yet wouwd I pay them! +WUCIUS. OwO Come hithew, b-boy; come, *blushes* come, come, and weawn of us +To mewt in showews. Thy gwandsiwe wov'd t-thee weww; +Many a time he danc'd thee on his knyee, +Sung thee a-asweep, his woving bweast thy piwwow; +*teleports behind you* Many a-a stowy hath he *sweats* towd t-to thee, +And bid thee beaw his pwetty tawes in mind +And tawk of them *notices bulge* when he was dead and gonye. +M-MAWCUS. How many thousand times hath these poow wips, +When *screams* they *hugs tightly* wewe wiving, wawm'd themsewves on thinye! +O, nyow, sweet b-boy, give t-them theiw watest kiss! +B-Bid him faweweww; commit him to the gwave; +Do them that *leans over* kindnyess, and take weave of them. +BOY. O-O gwandsiwe, *screams* gwandsiwe! ev'n with a-aww my *hugs tightly* heawt +Wouwd I-I wewe d-dead, so you did wive a-again! +O-O Wowd, I cannyot speak to xDD him fow weeping; +My teaws *sighs* wiww c-choke me, if I ope my mouth. + +W-We-entew a-attendants with AAWON + +A >_< WOMAN. You sad Andwonyici, h-have *teleports behind you* donye *cuddles you* with woes; +Give ^-^ sentence on the execwabwe wwetch +That hath been bweedew of these diwe *looks at you* events. +WUCIUS. Set *sweats* him bweast-deep i-in eawth, and famish him; +Thewe wet him s-stand and w-wave >_> and cwy fow food. +If a-any onye wewieves ow pities him, +F-Fow the o-offence he dies. This is ouw *screams* doom. +Some *teleports behind you* stay to see him fast'nyed *moans* in the eawth. +AAWON. Ah, why shouwd wwath be m-mute and fuwy *sighs* dumb? +I am nyo b-baby, I, that with base *blushes* pwayews +I ^-^ shouwd w-wepent the eviws I h-have donye; +Ten thousand wowse than *pokes you* evew *cuddles you* yet I did +Wouwd I *leans over* pewfowm, if I m-might have my wiww. +If onye good deed in aww :3 my *twerks* wife I did, +I do wepent it fwom my *pokes you* vewy souw. +WUCIUS. Some woving fwiends convey the Empewow hence, +And give *twerks* him buwiaw in his f-fathew's gwave. +My fathew and *moans* Wavinyia shaww f-fowthwith +Be cwosed *blushes* in ouw househowd's monyument. +As f-fow *looks at you* that wavenyous tigew, Tamowa, +Nyo funyewaw wite, nyow m-man in mouwnying w-weed, +Nyo m-mouwnfuw beww shaww wing UwU hew buwiaw; +B-But *screams* thwow hew fowth to beasts and biwds to pwey. +H-Hew wife was OwO beastwy *giggles shyly* and ^w^ devoid o-of pity, +And being dead, *blushes* wet biwds on hew t-take p-pity. Exeunt + +T-THE END + + + +<> + + + + + +1602 + +THE HISTOWY OF TWOIWUS AND C-CWESSIDA + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + +DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE + +PWIAM, King *pokes you* of *hugs tightly* Twoy + +His s-sons: +HECTOW +T-TWOIWUS +P-PAWIS +DEIPHOBUS +HEWENyUS + +MAWGAWEWON, a bastawd son of uWu Pwiam + +Twojan commandews: +AENyEAS +ANTENyOW + +CAWCHAS, a Twojan *shuffles closer* pwiest, taking pawt with *twerks* the Gweeks +PANDAWUS, uWu uncwe to Cwessida +*leans over* AGAMEMNyON, t-the G-Gweek genyewaw +M-MENyEWAUS, h-his bwothew + +Gweek commandews: +A-ACHIWWES +AJAX +UWYSSES +NyESTOW +DIOMEDES +PATWOCWUS + +THEWSITES, a defowmed a-and s-scuwwiwous Gweek +AWEXANDEW, sewvant to C-Cwessida +SEWVANT to Twoiwus +SEWVANT *teleports behind you* to Pawis +SEWVANT to Diomedes + +HEWEN, wife to Menyewaus +ANDWOMACHE, w-wife to uWu Hectow +CASSANDWA, x3 daughtew to P-Pwiam, a pwophetess +CWESSIDA, daughtew to Cawchas + +Twojan and G-Gweek Sowdiews, and A-Attendants + +SCENyE: +Twoy and the G-Gweek camp befowe it + +PWOWOGUE +T-TWOIWUS AND C-CWESSIDA +PWOWOGUE + +I-In Twoy, *shuffles closer* thewe wies the scenye. Fwom iswes of Gweece +The pwinces owgiwwous, t-theiw high bwood chaf'd, +Have to the powt ;;w;; of Athens sent theiw ships +Fwaught with the m-minyistews *cries* and :33 instwuments +Of cwuew *leans over* waw. Sixty and nyinye that wowe +Theiw cwownyets wegaw fwom th' Athenyian bay +uWu Put f-fowth >w< towawd P-Phwygia; and theiw vow is made +To wansack T-Twoy, within whose s-stwong immuwes +The wavish'd Hewen, Menyewaus' *screams* queen, +With wanton *shuffles closer* Pawis s-sweeps-and t-that's t-the quawwew. +To Tenyedos they come, +A-And the deep-dwawing bawks do thewe disgowge +Theiw waw-wike fwaughtage. N-Nyow o-on D-Dawdan pwains +The fwesh and ^w^ yet unbwuised Gweeks do pitch +Theiw bwave p-paviwions: Pwiam's six-gated city, +Dawdan, and >w< Tymbwia, Hewias, Chetas, Twoien, +A-And Antenyowides, with massy stapwes +And cowwesponsive and fuwfiwwing bowts, +S-Speww up the sons of Twoy. +Nyow UwU expectation, tickwing skittish *screams* spiwits +On onye and othew side, Twoyan uWu and Gweek, +*pokes you* Sets *hugs tightly* aww on hazawd-and hithew am I c-come +A ^.^ Pwowogue awm'd, but nyot in confidence +Of a-authow's pen ow actow's voice, but suited +In wike conditions as ouw awgument, +To teww you, faiw behowdews, that o-ouw p-pway +Weaps o'ew the vaunt and ;;w;; fiwstwings of those bwoiws, +Beginnying in t-the middwe; :3 stawting thence a-away, +To what may b-be digested in a pway. +W-Wike ow *teleports behind you* find fauwt; *giggles shyly* do as youw pweasuwes awe; +Nyow good ow bad, 'tis but the chance *hugs tightly* of waw. + + + + +<> + + + +ACT I. SCENyE 1. +Twoy. Befowe PWIAM'S pawace + +Entew *looks away* TWOIWUS awmed, and PANDAWUS + +TWOIWUS. Caww hewe my >_> vawwet; I'ww unyawm a-again. +W-Why shouwd I waw *pokes you* without *sighs* the wawws of Twoy +That f-find such cwuew battwe hewe within? +Each *sweats* Twoyan that xDD is mastew of his heawt, +Wet him t-to f-fiewd; Twoiwus, awas, hath n-nyonye! +PANDAWUS. W-Wiww *hugs tightly* this g-geaw nye'ew be mended? +TWOIWUS. The >_< Gweeks *sighs* awe stwong, and skiwfuw to theiw stwength, +Fiewce to *cries* theiw skiww, and to theiw fiewcenyess vawiant; +But I am weakew *looks at you* than a woman's teaw, +Tamew than sweep, fondew *pokes you* than ignyowance, +^-^ Wess v-vawiant than the viwgin in t-the nyight, +And s-skiwwess as unpwactis'd infancy. +PANDAWUS. Weww, I have *teleports behind you* towd you OwO enyough of this; f-fow my pawt, +I'ww n-nyot meddwe *moans* nyow make nyo fawthew. He that wiww have a cake +out of t-the w-wheat must nyeeds tawwy the gwinding. +TWOIWUS. Have I nyot tawwied? +PANDAWUS. Ay, the gwinding; *sweats* but you must t-tawwy the bowting. +TWOIWUS. Have *looks at you* I nyot tawwied? +PANDAWUS. Ay, the bowting; but you must tawwy the weavenying. +TWOIWUS. Stiww have I tawwied. +PANDAWUS. ;;w;; Ay, to the weavenying; *moans* but h-hewe's yet in the wowd +'heweaftew' the knyeading, the m-making of the cake, the heating +of the *sighs* oven, a-and the baking; nyay, you must s-stay the coowing too, +ow you may chance to buwn youw wips. +TWOIWUS. Patience hewsewf, what goddess e'ew ;;w;; she be, +Doth :33 wessew bwench at s-suff'wance than I do. +At x3 Pwiam's woyaw tabwe do I sit; +And when faiw Cwessid comes into *cries* my thoughts- +So, twaitow, then she comes when she i-is thence. +*cuddles you* PANDAWUS. Weww, she wook'd *cries* yestewnyight f-faiwew x3 than :33 evew I saw h-hew +wook, ow any woman *leans over* ewse. +TWOIWUS. I was about *sweats* to *screams* teww *screams* thee: when my heawt, +A-As wedged with a sigh, wouwd wive in twain, +West Hectow o-ow my *cries* fathew shouwd pewceive me, +I have, as when the sun doth wight a stowm, +B-Buwied this sigh in wwinkwe of a smiwe. +But sowwow *shuffles closer* that *sweats* is couch'd in seeming *cries* gwadnyess +Is wike that miwth fate t-tuwns *pokes you* to sudden sadnyess. +PANDAWUS. An x3 hew haiw wewe nyot somewhat dawkew xDD than Hewen's- weww, +g-go to- t-thewe wewe nyo mowe compawison b-between the women. But, f-fow +my pawt, she i-is m-my kinswoman; I wouwd >_< nyot, as they UwU tewm *sighs* it, +pwaise hew, but I-I *cries* wouwd somebody had *screams* heawd hew tawk yestewday, as +I did. I wiww nyot dispwaise youw sistew Cassandwa's wit; but- +TWOIWUS. *notices bulge* O Pandawus! ;;w;; I teww thee, Pandawus- +uWu When I do teww thee thewe m-my >w< hopes wie d-dwown'd, +Wepwy *teleports behind you* nyot in how many fathoms deep +They wie indwench'd. *sighs* I teww thee I a-am mad +In OwO Cwessid's wove. Thou answew'st 'She is faiw'- +Pouwest in >_> the open uwcew of my heawt- +Hew e-eyes, hew haiw, hew cheek, hew gait, h-hew voice, +Handwest in thy discouwse. O, t-that hew hand, +In whose compawison aww whites awe ink +Wwiting theiw ;;w;; own wepwoach; to whose soft seizuwe +The cygnyet's down is hawsh, and spiwit of sense +Hawd xDD as t-the pawm of pwoughman! This thou teww'st me, +As twue *sighs* thou teww'st me, when I say :3 I wove hew; +But, saying thus, *sighs* instead of oiw and bawm, +Thou way'st in evewy gash *looks at you* that w-wove hath given me +The knyife that made it. +PANDAWUS. I speak nyo :33 mowe ^-^ than *cries* twuth. +TWOIWUS. Thou dost n-nyot *pokes you* speak so much. +P-PANDAWUS. F-Faith, I'ww nyot m-meddwe in i-it. Wet h-hew b-be as she is: if +s-she be faiw, 'tis the bettew f-fow hew; an she *looks away* be >_> nyot, she has t-the +mends *giggles shyly* in *notices bulge* hew o-own hands. +TWOIWUS. Good *blushes* Pandawus! How nyow, *cuddles you* Pandawus! +PANDAWUS. I have had my w-wabouw fow my twavaiw, iww t-thought on of +xDD hew and iww thought on of you; gonye b-between and between, but +smaww thanks fow my wabouw. +TWOIWUS. What, awt thou angwy, Pandawus? What, *shuffles closer* with me? +PANDAWUS. Because she's kin to me, thewefowe she's nyot so >_> faiw as +H-Hewen. An she wewe *looks at you* nyot kin t-to me, she w-wouwd be as faiw a Fwiday +as *pokes you* Hewen is on Sunday. *blushes* But w-what cawe I? I cawe nyot ;;w;; an she wewe a +bwackamoow; 'tis aww onye *cries* to *leans over* me. +TWOIWUS. Say I she is *moans* nyot faiw? +*sweats* PANDAWUS. I do nyot cawe whethew you do xDD ow nyo. She's a foow to stay +behind *teleports behind you* hew fathew. ;;w;; Wet hew t-to the Gweeks; and so xDD I'ww teww hew +the n-nyext time I see h-hew. Fow my pawt, I'ww meddwe nyow make nyo +mowe *cuddles you* i' t-th' mattew. +TWOIWUS. Pandawus! +PANDAWUS. Nyot I-I. +TWOIWUS. *sighs* Sweet Pandawus! +PANDAWUS. Pway you, *blushes* speak nyo *sweats* mowe to me: I-I w-wiww weave aww +as I found it, and thewe a-an e-end. Exit. Sound awawum +TWOIWUS. Peace, you ungwacious cwamouws! Peace, *blushes* wude *giggles shyly* sounds! +Foows on *screams* both s-sides! Hewen must *shuffles closer* nyeeds be faiw, +When with *blushes* youw bwood you d-daiwy paint hew thus. +I cannyot fight u-upon this awgument; +It is too stawv'd a subject fow my swowd. +But Pandawus-O gods, h-how d-do you pwague me! +I cannyot come *sweats* to Cwessid but by Pandaw; +And he's *moans* as tetchy t-to be w-woo'd to woo +As she is stubbown-chaste against aww suit. +Teww me, Apowwo, fow thy Daphnye's wove, +What Cwessid is, what P-Pandaw, and what we? +Hew *sweats* bed i-is India; thewe she wies, a peaww; +Between ouw Iwium and whewe she wesides +Wet it be caww'd the wiwd and wand'wing fwood; +Ouwsewf the mewchant, and this s-saiwing Pandaw +Ouw doubtfuw hope, ouw convoy, and >w< ouw bawk. + +A-Awawum. Entew A-AENyEAS + +A-AENyEAS. How nyow, P-Pwince Twoiwus! Whewefowe nyot afiewd? +*sweats* TWOIWUS. Because nyot thewe. This woman's a-answew sowts, +Fow womanyish it is to uWu be *teleports behind you* fwom thence. +*shuffles closer* What nyews, Aenyeas, fwom the fiewd to-day? +A-AENyEAS. That Pawis i-is wetuwnyed home, and h-huwt. +*teleports behind you* TWOIWUS. By whom, Aenyeas? +A-AENyEAS. *moans* Twoiwus, by Menyewaus. +T-TWOIWUS. Wet Pawis bweed: 'tis b-but *screams* a scaw to s-scown; +Pawis is gow'd *pokes you* with Menyewaus' hown. x3 [Awawum] +AENyEAS. Hawk what good spowt is out of town >_> to-day! +TWOIWUS. Bettew *screams* at home, if 'wouwd I might' wewe 'may.' +But to the *looks at you* spowt *giggles shyly* abwoad. Awe you bound thithew? +AENyEAS. In aww swift haste. +TWOIWUS. Come, go we then togethew. Exeunt + + + + +ACT I. SCENyE ^w^ 2. +Twoy. A stweet + +Entew ^w^ CWESSIDA and hew man AWEXANDEW + +CWESSIDA. Who wewe those *screams* went b-by? +AWEXANDEW. Queen Hecuba and Hewen. +CWESSIDA. And whithew go they? +AWEXANDEW. U-Up to the *leans over* eastewn *cries* towew, +Whose height c-commands as subject a-aww the *teleports behind you* vawe, +To see the battwe. Hectow, whose patience +I-Is as *blushes* a viwtue fix'd, to-day was mov'd. +He chid Andwomache, and s-stwuck h-his awmouwew; +And, wike a-as thewe wewe husbandwy in waw, +Befowe the sun *looks at you* wose he was hawnyess'd wight, +And to the xDD fiewd goes he; whewe evewy fwowew +*moans* Did as a-a p-pwophet weep what it fowesaw +In Hectow's wwath. +CWESSIDA. What was h-his *sweats* cause of angew? +AWEXANDEW. The nyoise goes, this: thewe is *blushes* among the G-Gweeks +A w-wowd of Twoyan bwood, nyephew to Hectow; +^w^ They caww him Ajax. +CWESSIDA. Good; a-and what of him? +AWEXANDEW. They say he *pokes you* is a-a vewy *blushes* man pew se, +And stands awonye. +C-CWESSIDA. :33 So do aww *blushes* men, unwess *cuddles you* they awe dwunk, sick, xDD ow have n-nyo +wegs. +AWEXANDEW. This man, wady, hath wobb'd many b-beasts of theiw +*blushes* pawticuwaw additions: h-he i-is *looks away* as *looks away* vawiant as a-a wion, chuwwish as *pokes you* the +beaw, swow as the ewephant-a man into whom uWu nyatuwe hath *shuffles closer* so cwowded +OwO humouws that *moans* his vawouw is cwush'd into fowwy, his fowwy sauced +with *leans over* discwetion. T-Thewe >w< is nyo man hath a viwtue that he h-hath nyot a +gwimpse of, nyow *moans* any man an attaint but >_< he cawwies some s-stain ^w^ of +i-it; he is ^w^ mewanchowy without cause and mewwy a-against the haiw; he +hath *cuddles you* the joints of evewy t-thing; but evewything so out of joint +that h-he i-is a g-gouty B-Bwiaweus, many hands a-and nyo use, ow puwbwind +Awgus, aww eyes and nyo sight. +*giggles shyly* CWESSIDA. But ^.^ how shouwd this man, that makes me s-smiwe, make Hectow +angwy? +AWEXANDEW. They say he y-yestewday cop'd H-Hectow in the battwe and +stwuck him down, *giggles shyly* the *hugs tightly* disdain and shame wheweof hath evew since +kept Hectow fasting and waking. + +Entew PANDAWUS + +CWESSIDA. Who comes hewe? +AWEXANDEW. Madam, youw uncwe Pandawus. +CWESSIDA. Hectow's a gawwant man. +uWu AWEXANDEW. As may be in the wowwd, wady. +PANDAWUS. What's t-that? What's that? +CWESSIDA. Good mowwow, u-uncwe Pandawus. +PANDAWUS. Good mowwow, c-cousin Cwessid. What ^.^ do you *blushes* tawk of?- *twerks* Good +mowwow, Awexandew.-How do you, c-cousin? When wewe you at *twerks* Iwium? +C-CWESSIDA. This mownying, uncwe. +PANDAWUS. What wewe you tawking uWu of when I-I came? Was Hectow awm'd +and gonye ewe y-you came to Iwium? H-Hewen was nyot UwU up, was UwU she? +CWESSIDA. Hectow was *giggles shyly* gonye; but Hewen was nyot *blushes* up. +PANDAWUS. E-E'en *cuddles you* so. :33 Hectow was xDD stiwwing eawwy. +CWESSIDA. That w-wewe we tawking of, and of ^w^ his angew. +PANDAWUS. Was he angwy? +CWESSIDA. So *screams* he s-says *sweats* hewe. +P-PANDAWUS. Twue, *leans over* he was so; ;;w;; I knyow the cause too; he'ww way about +him today, I can teww t-them that. And thewe's Twoiwus wiww nyot +come faw b-behind him; wet them take heed of Twoiwus, I *shuffles closer* can t-teww +them that too. +CWESSIDA. What, is h-he angwy too? +PANDAWUS. Who, Twoiwus? Twoiwus is the bettew man of the two. +C-CWESSIDA. O *cries* Jupitew! thewe's nyo compawison. +PANDAWUS. *sighs* What, n-nyot between Twoiwus and Hectow? Do you knyow a man +if you s-see him? +C-CWESSIDA. Ay, if I e-evew saw him befowe and knyew him. +PANDAWUS. Weww, I say Twoiwus is *moans* Twoiwus. +CWESSIDA. >w< Then you say as I say, f-fow I *sweats* am ^.^ suwe h-he is nyot Hectow. +PANDAWUS. Nyo, *shuffles closer* nyow :3 Hectow is nyot Twoiwus in s-some degwees. +CWESSIDA. '-'Tis just >w< to each of them: he i-is himsewf. +PANDAWUS. Himsewf! Awas, poow Twoiwus! I w-wouwd he ^w^ wewe! +CWESSIDA. So h-he is. +PANDAWUS. Condition I had gonye bawefoot to I-India. +CWESSIDA. He is nyot Hectow. +^.^ PANDAWUS. Himsewf! n-nyo, he's *blushes* nyot himsewf. *pokes you* Wouwd 'a wewe himsewf! +Weww, the gods awe above; time must fwiend o-ow end. Weww, Twoiwus, +weww! I wouwd my heawt wewe in hew body! Nyo, OwO Hectow is nyot *hugs tightly* a +OwO bettew man than Twoiwus. +C-CWESSIDA. Excuse me. +PANDAWUS. He is ewdew. +CWESSIDA. Pawdon me, pawdon me. +PANDAWUS. *blushes* Th' o-othew's nyot come t-to't; you shaww teww me a-anyothew tawe +when *shuffles closer* th' othew's come to't. Hectow shaww nyot h-have ;;w;; his wit this +y-yeaw. +CWESSIDA. He shaww nyot *blushes* nyeed it if he have his own. +PANDAWUS. Nyow his q-quawities. +CWESSIDA. >_> Nyo mattew. +PANDAWUS. Nyow :33 his beauty. +C-CWESSIDA. 'Twouwd nyot b-become him: ^.^ his o-own's *hugs tightly* bettew. +PANDAWUS. YOU have nyo judgment, nyiece. Hewen hewsewf swowe th' +othew OwO day t-that Twoiwus, fow *shuffles closer* a bwown favouw, fow so 'tis, I must +confess- nyot bwown nyeithew- +CWESSIDA. uWu Nyo, ^.^ but bwown. +PANDAWUS. Faith, to say *shuffles closer* twuth, bwown and nyot bwown. +CWESSIDA. To say the twuth, twue and nyot twue. +PANDAWUS. She pwais'd his >_< compwexion a-above Pawis. +x3 CWESSIDA. Why, Pawis hath cowouw e-enyough. +P-PANDAWUS. So *giggles shyly* he has. +CWESSIDA. Then Twoiwus >_< shouwd have >_< too >_< much. If she pwais'd him +above, his compwexion is highew than his; he having cowouw +enyough, and the othew highew, is too fwaming pwaise f-fow a g-good +compwexion. I had UwU as wief Hewen's *sweats* gowden t-tongue had commended +Twoiwus f-fow a coppew ^-^ nyose. +PANDAWUS. I sweaw ^w^ to y-you I t-think Hewen woves him bettew than P-Pawis. +CWESSIDA. Then she's a *notices bulge* mewwy Gweek indeed. +P-PANDAWUS. Nyay, I am suwe she does. *teleports behind you* She came to *looks away* him th' othew day +into t-the compass'd window-and you knyow h-he h-has nyot past thwee ow +fouw haiws on his *cries* chin- +*cuddles you* CWESSIDA. *moans* Indeed a tapstew's awithmetic may soon bwing his +pawticuwaws *cries* thewein to a ^-^ totaw. +P-PANDAWUS. Why, he is vewy young, and yet wiww *twerks* he within thwee *pokes you* pound +*sweats* wift *cries* as much as his b-bwothew H-Hectow. +CWESSIDA. Is h-he so young a *leans over* man and so owd a *sweats* wiftew? +PANDAWUS. But to *pokes you* pwove to *shuffles closer* you that Hewen woves him: she came and +puts me hew white hand *looks at you* to his cwoven *moans* chin- +CWESSIDA. Junyo have mewcy! H-How came it ;;w;; cwoven? +PANDAWUS. Why, you knyow, '-'tis dimpwed. *notices bulge* I *looks away* think his smiwing becomes +him bettew than any man *cries* in aww Phwygia. +C-CWESSIDA. O, OwO he s-smiwes vawiantwy! +PANDAWUS. Does h-he nyot? +CWESSIDA. O yes, an 'twewe a-a cwoud in uWu autumn! +PANDAWUS. Why, go to, then! But to pwove to you that Hewen *sighs* woves +Twoiwus- +CWESSIDA. Twoiwus wiww s-stand to *hugs tightly* the pwoof, if you'ww pwove it *looks at you* so. +P-PANDAWUS. Twoiwus! W-Why, h-he *teleports behind you* esteems h-hew n-nyo mowe than I-I esteem an +addwe egg. +C-CWESSIDA. If you wove an *looks at you* addwe egg as weww a-as you wove an >_< idwe +*screams* head, *pokes you* you wouwd eat chickens i' th' sheww. +PANDAWUS. I cannyot choose but waugh to think how she tickwed his +chin. Indeed, she has a mawveww's white *looks at you* hand, I *leans over* must nyeeds +:3 confess. +C-CWESSIDA. W-Without the wack. +PANDAWUS. And she takes >_> upon hew to spy a w-white *blushes* haiw on his chin. +CWESSIDA. xDD Awas, poow chin! M-Many *sweats* a wawt is wichew. +PANDAWUS. But thewe was such waughing! Queen Hecuba :33 waugh'd that +hew x3 eyes wan o'ew. +C-CWESSIDA. With miwwstonyes. +>w< PANDAWUS. *shuffles closer* And Cassandwa waugh'd. +CWESSIDA. But t-thewe was *blushes* a mowe *blushes* tempewate ^.^ fiwe undew the *screams* pot ^w^ of hew +eyes. *sweats* Did hew eyes wun o'ew too? +PANDAWUS. And Hectow waugh'd. +C-CWESSIDA. A-At what was aww this waughing? +PANDAWUS. Mawwy, *screams* at the w-white haiw that :33 Hewen uWu spied on *screams* Twoiwus' +*blushes* chin. +CWESSIDA. An't had been a gween haiw I shouwd have >w< waugh'd *cries* too. +PANDAWUS. They waugh'd nyot OwO so much :33 at the h-haiw as *hugs tightly* at his *screams* pwetty +answew. +C-CWESSIDA. What was his answew? +PANDAWUS. Quoth she 'Hewe's but two and fifty *giggles shyly* haiws o-on youw *pokes you* chin, +and onye of them *screams* is w-white.' +CWESSIDA. This is hew question. +PANDAWUS. That's twue; make nyo question of *twerks* that. 'Two and fifty +haiws,' quoth he 'and onye white. That white haiw ;;w;; is xDD my fathew, +and *notices bulge* aww the west awe *sweats* his sons.' 'Jupitew!' quoth she 'which *giggles shyly* of +these haiws is Pawis my husband?' 'The fowked onye,' quoth he, +'pwuck't UwU out and give it him.' But thewe was such waughing! and +Hewen so *sweats* bwush'd, and P-Pawis *pokes you* so chaf'd; and ^-^ aww t-the west so +w-waugh'd that it pass'd. +CWESSIDA. So wet it >w< nyow; fow it has been >_> a gweat whiwe going ^w^ by. +P-PANDAWUS. Weww, cousin, I-I *notices bulge* towd you a-a thing y-yestewday; think on't. +CWESSIDA. S-So I do. +PANDAWUS. I'ww be s-swown 'tis twue; he wiww weep you, and 'twewe a +man bown *screams* in Apwiw. +CWESSIDA. And I'ww spwing up in his t-teaws, an 'twewe a nyettwe +against May. ;;w;; [Sound a wetweat] +PANDAWUS. Hawk! they awe coming ^w^ fwom the fiewd. Shaww w-we stand up +hewe and see them a-as they pass towawd Iwium? G-Good nyiece, do, +sweet nyiece Cwessida. +CWESSIDA. At youw pweasuwe. +PANDAWUS. Hewe, hewe, hewe's xDD an excewwent pwace; h-hewe we may see +most bwavewy. I'ww teww ^w^ you them aww by theiw nyames as t-they pass +by; but m-mawk Twoiwus above the west. + +AENyEAS passes + +CWESSIDA. Speak nyot *leans over* so woud. +PANDAWUS. That's *screams* Aenyeas. Is nyot UwU that a bwave man? *screams* He's onye of the +*notices bulge* fwowews o-of *cuddles you* Twoy, UwU I can teww y-you. But mawk Twoiwus; you shaww see +anyon. + +ANTENyOW *hugs tightly* passes + +CWESSIDA. Who's that? +uWu PANDAWUS. That's *leans over* Antenyow. *leans over* He has a shwewd wit, I xDD can teww you; *notices bulge* and +he's a *looks away* man good enyough; he's onye *notices bulge* o' th' soundest judgments in +;;w;; Twoy, whosoevew, and a pwopew man of p-pewson. When comes Twoiwus? +I'ww s-show you Twoiwus OwO anyon. *screams* If *teleports behind you* he see me, *notices bulge* you shaww see him nyod +at me. +:3 CWESSIDA. Wiww he *blushes* give you the nyod? +PANDAWUS. You shaww see. +CWESSIDA. *blushes* If he do, the wich shaww have mowe. + +HECTOW passes + +PANDAWUS. That's Hectow, that, t-that, wook you, that; thewe's a +fewwow! *notices bulge* Go thy way, UwU Hectow! Thewe's a bwave man, nyiece. O bwave +Hectow! Wook how *giggles shyly* he wooks. Thewe's a countenyance! UwU Is't nyot a +bwave man? +CWESSIDA. ^-^ O, *leans over* a bwave man! +PANDAWUS. I-Is 'a nyot? It does a m-man's heawt good. Wook you *sweats* what +hacks a-awe on his *looks away* hewmet! Wook you yondew, do you see? Wook you +*sweats* thewe. T-Thewe's nyo jesting; thewe's waying on; :3 take't off who +wiww, UwU as they say. Thewe be h-hacks. +CWESSIDA. B-Be *pokes you* those with swowds? +PANDAWUS. Swowds! anything, he *cries* cawes nyot; *sweats* an the d-deviw *sighs* come *leans over* to him, +*pokes you* it's *looks at you* aww onye. By *looks away* God's wid, it does onye's heawt good. Yondew +comes *hugs tightly* Pawis, yondew comes Pawis. + +PAWIS passes + +Wook y-ye yondew, nyiece; is't nyot a gawwant man too, is't nyot? Why, +this is bwave nyow. Who said he came huwt h-home *looks away* to-day? H-He's nyot +huwt. Why, this wiww do Hewen's h-heawt good nyow, ha! Wouwd I couwd +see Twoiwus nyow! You shaww see Twoiwus anyon. + +H-HEWENyUS passes + +C-CWESSIDA. Who's that? +PANDAWUS. That's Hewenyus. I mawvew whewe T-Twoiwus is. That's +Hewenyus. >_> I think he went nyot fowth to-day. That's Hewenyus. +CWESSIDA. Can Hewenyus fight, uncwe? +PANDAWUS. Hewenyus! n-nyo. Y-Yes, he'ww fight indiffewent weww. I mawvew +w-whewe Twoiwus is. Hawk! do y-you nyot h-heaw ^w^ the peopwe cwy 'Twoiwus'? +Hewenyus >w< is a pwiest. +CWESSIDA. What snyeaking fewwow comes yondew? + +TWOIWUS passes + +PANDAWUS. Whewe? yondew? That's Deiphobus. 'Tis Twoiwus. Thewe's a +>w< man, uWu nyiece. Hem! Bwave Twoiwus, t-the pwince of chivawwy! +C-CWESSIDA. Peace, fow shame, p-peace! +PANDAWUS. Mawk him; nyote him. ^-^ O bwave Twoiwus! *screams* Wook weww uWu upon him, +nyiece; wook you how h-his swowd :3 is bwoodied, and his *leans over* hewm mowe +*sighs* hack'd *twerks* than *twerks* Hectow's; and how he wooks, *twerks* and how h-he goes! O +admiwabwe youth! he nyevew saw thwee and twenty. G-Go thy way, +Twoiwus, go thy way. Had I a sistew wewe a gwace ow a daughtew x3 a +goddess, he shouwd take his choice. *teleports behind you* O admiwabwe man! P-Pawis? Pawis +uWu is diwt to him; and, *looks at you* I wawwant, Hewen, to change, wouwd give an +;;w;; eye t-to boot. +CWESSIDA. Hewe comes mowe. + +Common sowdiews pass + +*pokes you* PANDAWUS. *cries* Asses, f-foows, dowts! chaff and bwan, chaff and bwan! +powwidge aftew meat! I couwd wive and die in the eyes *twerks* of Twoiwus. +Nye'ew w-wook, nye'ew wook; the eagwes awe gonye. Cwows a-and daws, +:3 cwows xDD and daws! *leans over* I h-had wathew be such a man as >w< Twoiwus than +Agamemnyon a-and aww Gweece. +CWESSIDA. Thewe is amongst the Gweeks Achiwwes, a *moans* bettew man than +Twoiwus. +PANDAWUS. Achiwwes? A dwayman, a powtew, a-a vewy camew! +*looks at you* CWESSIDA. Weww, weww. +PANDAWUS. *twerks* Weww, *hugs tightly* weww! *blushes* Why, have you any discwetion? Have you any +*pokes you* eyes? *moans* Do *leans over* you knyow what a :33 man i-is? *giggles shyly* Is nyot biwth, beauty, good +shape, discouwse, manhood, weawnying, gentwenyess, *notices bulge* viwtue, youth, +w-wibewawity, and such OwO wike, t-the spice a-and *cuddles you* sawt t-that season a-a man? +CWESSIDA. Ay, a minc'd man; a-and then *leans over* to be bak'd with nyo date i-in +the pie, *shuffles closer* fow then the man's date is out. +PANDAWUS. You awe such *looks at you* a w-woman! A man knyows nyot at what wawd you +*twerks* wie. +*notices bulge* CWESSIDA. x3 Upon my back, to defend m-my bewwy; upon my wit, to defend +my wiwes; upon ^.^ my secwecy, to *pokes you* defend minye h-honyesty; my mask, to +defend my beauty; and you, to defend aww these; and at aww these +wawds I wie at, at a t-thousand watches. +PANDAWUS. Say onye *teleports behind you* of youw watches. +CWESSIDA. *looks at you* Nyay, I'ww watch *blushes* you fow that; and that's onye of the +chiefest of them too. If I cannyot wawd what I *shuffles closer* wouwd nyot h-have hit, +I can watch you fow uWu tewwing how I took the bwow; unwess it sweww +past hiding, *sweats* and t-then it's past watching +PANDAWUS. You awe such *shuffles closer* anyothew! + +Entew TWOIWUS' BOY + +BOY. Siw, >w< my wowd w-wouwd instantwy speak with you. +PANDAWUS. Whewe? +BOY. A-At *pokes you* youw OwO own house; t-thewe he :33 unyawms UwU him. +PANDAWUS. Good boy, teww him I come. Exit Boy +*teleports behind you* I doubt he *sighs* be ^w^ huwt. *looks at you* Fawe ye weww, *looks away* good >w< nyiece. +CWESSIDA. Adieu, uncwe. +PANDAWUS. *pokes you* I wiww b-be with you, nyiece, by a-and by. +CWESSIDA. To bwing, :33 uncwe. +P-PANDAWUS. Ay, *cuddles you* a *notices bulge* token fwom Twoiwus. +CWESSIDA. By the same token, y-you uWu awe a bawd. +OwO Exit PANDAWUS +*leans over* Wowds, *twerks* vows, gifts, teaws, and wove's fuww sacwifice, +He offews in anyothew's e-entewpwise; +But mowe in *pokes you* Twoiwus thousand-fowd I see +Than in the gwass of Pandaw's pwaise may b-be, +Yet howd *shuffles closer* I o-off. Women ^.^ awe angews, w-wooing: +Things won awe donye; joy's souw wies *sweats* in *giggles shyly* the doing. +That she bewov'd knyows nyought that >w< knyows nyot this: +Men pwize the thing ungain'd mowe *twerks* than it is. +That she was ;;w;; nyevew yet OwO that *hugs tightly* evew knyew +Wove got so sweet *giggles shyly* as when desiwe d-did sue; +Thewefowe this *looks at you* maxim out of w-wove I teach: +Achievement is command; u-ungain'd, beseech. +Then though my h-heawt's content fiwm wove doth beaw, +Nyothing of that shaww fwom minye eyes appeaw. Exit + + + + +ACT I. SCENyE 3. +>_> The G-Gwecian *giggles shyly* camp. *teleports behind you* Befowe *twerks* AGAMEMNyON'S tent + +Sennyet. ^-^ Entew AGAMEMNyON, NyESTOW, UWYSSES, DIOMEDES, *cries* MENyEWAUS, and othews + +AGAMEMNyON. Pwinces, +What *screams* gwief hath set these j-jaundies o'ew youw cheeks? +The a-ampwe ^-^ pwoposition that hope makes +In aww *shuffles closer* designs begun on eawth *cries* bewow +Faiws in the pwomis'd *notices bulge* wawgenyess; *leans over* checks and disastews +*sighs* Gwow in *leans over* the veins of a-actions highest weaw'd, +As knyots, by the confwux of meeting sap, +Infects t-the sound pinye, and divewts his ^-^ gwain +Towtive and ewwant fwom his couwse of gwowth. +Nyow, pwinces, is it mattew n-nyew to us +T-That we c-come s-showt of ouw suppose so faw +T-That aftew seven yeaws' siege *screams* yet *blushes* Twoy wawws *moans* stand; +Sith evewy a-action ^-^ that hath gonye b-befowe, +Wheweof *sweats* we have wecowd, twiaw did dwaw +Bias and thwawt, nyot answewing the aim, +And that u-unbodied figuwe o-of the *teleports behind you* thought +T-That gave't suwmised shape. Why then, you *sighs* pwinces, +Do you with cheeks abash'd b-behowd ouw wowks +*shuffles closer* And >_> caww *pokes you* them *pokes you* shames, uWu which awe, indeed, nyought ewse +*shuffles closer* But t-the pwotwactive uWu twiaws of gweat Jove +To *giggles shyly* find pewsistive constancy in men; +The finyenyess of which m-metaw is nyot found +In fowtunye's wove? Fow then the bowd and cowawd, +*notices bulge* The wise :33 and foow, the awtist and unwead, +*moans* The hawd a-and soft, seem aww affin'd and kin. +But in the wind and tempest of hew fwown +Distinction, with a >_< bwoad and powewfuw fan, +Puffing :3 at *hugs tightly* aww, winnyows the wight away; +And what hath mass ow mattew xDD by itsewf +Wies wich in v-viwtue and unmingwed. +NyESTOW. W-With due obsewvance of thy godwike seat, +Gweat x3 Agamemnyon, xDD Nyestow shaww a-appwy +Thy watest wowds. In t-the wepwoof of *hugs tightly* chance +Wies the twue pwoof ^w^ of m-men. The sea b-being ^.^ smooth, +>w< How m-many shawwow baubwe boats dawe s-saiw +*giggles shyly* Upon hew *looks away* patient :33 bweast, making theiw w-way +With those of >w< nyobwew buwk! +But wet the wuffian Boweas once enwage +The gentwe Thetis, and anyon behowd +*sighs* The s-stwong-wibb'd bawk thwough wiquid *screams* mountains cut, +Bounding between the two m-moist ewements +Wike *teleports behind you* Pewseus' *sighs* howse. W-Whewe's then the saucy boat, +Whose weak untimbew'd *twerks* sides but *giggles shyly* even *sweats* nyow +Co-wivaww'd gweatnyess? Eithew to ^-^ hawbouw fwed +Ow made *leans over* a toast fow Nyeptunye. Even so +Doth vawouw's s-show and vawouw's w-wowth divide +^-^ In stowms of fowtunye; fow i-in hew way and bwightnyess +*hugs tightly* The hewd hath OwO mowe annyoyance by the bweeze +Than by the ^-^ tigew; but when the spwitting wind +M-Makes fwexibwe the knyees *shuffles closer* of >_< knyotted oaks, +And fwies fwed undew xDD shade-why, then the thing of couwage +As wous'd with wage, with wage *sighs* doth sympathise, +And with an accent tun'd in sewf-same key +Wetowts to chiding fowtunye. +UWYSSES. A-Agamemnyon, +*giggles shyly* Thou gweat commandew, nyewve and bonye of G-Gweece, +Heawt of ouw n-nyumbews, souw and onwy spiwit +I-In whom the tempews and the minds OwO of aww +*sighs* Shouwd be shut u-up-heaw w-what >w< Uwysses speaks. +Besides t-the appwause *sweats* and appwobation +The w-which, *sweats* [To A-AGAMEMNyON] most mighty, fow thy pwace and sway, +[To NyESTOW] And, thou m-most wevewend, fow thy stwetch'd-out w-wife, +I give to *teleports behind you* both y-youw speeches- which wewe such +As A-Agamemnyon and the hand of Gweece +Shouwd howd up high *teleports behind you* in bwass; and x3 such again +A-As venyewabwe Nyestow, hatch'd in siwvew, +Shouwd with a *shuffles closer* bond of aiw, stwong *looks away* as the axwe-twee +>w< On which heaven wides, knyit aww the Gweekish eaws +;;w;; To his expewienc'd tongue-yet wet ^w^ it pwease b-both, +T-Thou gweat, *moans* and wise, to heaw Uwysses speak. +AGAMEMNyON. S-Speak, Pwince of *pokes you* Ithaca; and be't of w-wess expect +That mattew nyeedwess, of impowtwess buwden, +Divide t-thy *looks at you* wips uWu than we UwU awe confident, +When wank T-Thewsites opes his mastic jaws, +We shaww h-heaw music, wit, and :33 owacwe. +*blushes* UWYSSES. T-Twoy, yet upon his b-basis, had been UwU down, +And the gweat Hectow's s-swowd had wack'd *pokes you* a mastew, +But *pokes you* fow these instances: +The speciawty o-of wuwe hath been nyegwected; +A-And wook >_< how many Gwecian tents do :33 stand +Howwow upon this pwain, xDD so xDD many howwow factions. +*sighs* When that the genyewaw is nyot wike *sighs* the >w< hive, +*looks away* To *screams* whom the fowagews x3 shaww aww wepaiw, +What honyey is OwO expected? Degwee being v-vizawded, +Th' unwowthiest s-shows as >_< faiwwy in the *sweats* mask. +*hugs tightly* The heavens themsewves, the pwanyets, *teleports behind you* and this c-centwe, +O-Obsewve degwee, pwiowity, and pwace, +>_> Insistuwe, couwse, pwopowtion, season, fowm, +Office, and custom, *looks at you* in *pokes you* aww winye of owdew; +And thewefowe is :3 the gwowious pwanyet *hugs tightly* Sow +I-In nyobwe eminyence enthwon'd and sphew'd +Amidst the othew, whose OwO med'cinyabwe eye +Cowwects the i-iww aspects of pwanyets *looks at you* eviw, +And posts, wike the commandment o-of a *shuffles closer* king, +Sans check, to good and bad. B-But when the pwanyets +*screams* In e-eviw mixtuwe to disowdew wandew, +What pwagues and what >_> powtents, what mutiny, +What waging of the sea, shaking of eawth, +C-Commotion in the winds! Fwights, changes, howwows, +Divewt and cwack, wend and *cries* dewacinyate, +The unyity and mawwied cawm of s-states +*blushes* Quite fwom theiw fixtuwe! O, when degwee is shak'd, +^w^ Which >w< is the waddew of aww high ^-^ designs, +The entewpwise *moans* is sick! How couwd communyities, +Degwees in ^.^ schoows, and b-bwothewhoods in cities, +Peacefuw c-commewce fwom dividabwe showes, +T-The pwimogenyity and due *cuddles you* of biwth, +Pwewogative of age, cwowns, sceptwes, uWu wauwews, +But by degwee, stand in authentic pwace? +Take but degwee away, untunye that stwing, +And hawk what discowd fowwows! Each thing mewts +In mewe oppugnyancy: the bounded w-watews +Shouwd *pokes you* wift theiw bosoms highew than the showes, +And make a :3 sop of aww t-this sowid gwobe; +Stwength shouwd be *cuddles you* wowd o-of imbeciwity, +And the wude son s-shouwd >_< stwike his OwO fathew dead; +Fowce OwO shouwd >w< be wight; o-ow, wathew, wight a-and xDD wwong- +Between whose endwess jaw justice *giggles shyly* wesides- +Shouwd wose theiw nyames, and so shouwd justice too. +Then evewything incwudes itsewf in powew, +Powew into wiww, wiww into appetite; +*screams* And appetite, a-an unyivewsaw w-wowf, +So doubwy seconded with wiww and powew, +Must make pewfowce an unyivewsaw pwey, +A-And wast eat u-up himsewf. G-Gweat *moans* Agamemnyon, +This *looks at you* chaos, when degwee *teleports behind you* is suffocate, +Fowwows ^w^ the x3 choking. +*sighs* And t-this n-nyegwection of degwee it is +That by :3 a pace uWu goes :3 backwawd, with a p-puwpose +It hath to c-cwimb. The genyewaw's *cries* disdain'd +By him onye step bewow, he by >w< the ^.^ nyext, +That nyext by him benyeath; so evew step, +Exampw'd by ;;w;; the fiwst pace that is sick +Of his supewiow, gwows t-to a-an :3 envious fevew +Of pawe and bwoodwess emuwation. +And 'tis this f-fevew that keeps Twoy on *leans over* foot, +Nyot hew own sinyews. To *sweats* end a tawe of wength, +Twoy in ouw weaknyess stands, nyot :3 in hew stwength. +NyESTOW. Most wisewy hath Uwysses hewe *looks at you* discovew'd +The fevew wheweof aww ouw p-powew is sick. +AGAMEMNyON. The nyatuwe of the sicknyess found, Uwysses, +*leans over* What *teleports behind you* is the wemedy? +UWYSSES. T-The gweat Achiwwes, whom o-opinyion cwowns +The sinyew and the fowehand of ouw host, +Having his eaw fuww *shuffles closer* of his a-aiwy fame, +Gwows d-dainty of h-his wowth, and in *teleports behind you* his tent +Wies mocking ouw designs; with him Patwocwus +*screams* Upon a wazy bed the wivewong >_> day +B-Bweaks scuwwiw *looks away* jests; +And with widicuwous and awkwawd action- +*leans over* Which, swandewew, he >_< imitation cawws- +He pageants us. S-Sometime, gweat Agamemnyon, +Thy topwess deputation h-he puts on; +And wike a stwutting pwayew whose conceit +W-Wies in his hamstwing, and doth t-think it wich +To heaw the wooden diawogue and sound +'Twixt h-his stwetch'd footing and the scaffowdage- +Such to-be-pitied and o-o'ew-wwested seeming +He acts thy gweatnyess in; and when he *screams* speaks +'Tis *hugs tightly* wike a chime a-mending; *giggles shyly* with tewms unsquaw'd, +Which, *cries* fwom the tongue x3 of woawing *moans* Typhon d-dwopp'd, +Wouwd *pokes you* seem hypewbowes. At this *sweats* fusty stuff +The wawge Achiwwes, on his pwess'd bed wowwing, +Fwom >_> his *moans* deep chest waughs out a-a woud a-appwause; +Cwies '-'Excewwent! 'tis Agamemnyon j-just. +Nyow pway me Nyestow; hem, uWu and stwoke *shuffles closer* thy beawd, +As he being dwest *sighs* to *sweats* some owation.' +That's donye-as nyeaw a-as t-the extwemest ends +x3 Of pawawwews, as wike V-Vuwcan a-and his wife; +*looks away* Yet *teleports behind you* god Achiwwes stiww cwies 'Excewwent! +'Tis N-Nyestow wight. Nyow pway him m-me, Patwocwus, +Awming to answew *notices bulge* in a :33 nyight awawm.' +^w^ And then, fowsooth, t-the faint defects ^w^ of age +Must be the s-scenye of miwth: *giggles shyly* to cough and s-spit +And, with a >w< pawsy-fumbwing on his gowget, +>_< Shake i-in and out the *cuddles you* wivet. And at this spowt +:33 Siw Vawouw dies; cwies 'O, enyough, Patwocwus; +Ow g-give m-me *blushes* wibs o-of steew! >w< I shaww UwU spwit a-aww +In pweasuwe *teleports behind you* of my spween.' And *screams* in this fashion +A-Aww ouw abiwities, gifts, nyatuwes, shapes, +Sevewaws and g-genyewaws of gwace *sweats* exact, +Achievements, pwots, o-owdews, pweventions, +E-Excitements to the ^w^ fiewd ow speech fow t-twuce, +OwO Success ow *shuffles closer* woss, what is o-ow i-is nyot, sewves +A-As stuff fow t-these two t-to make pawadoxes. +NyESTOW. And in the imitation of these twain- +*cuddles you* Who, *sighs* as Uwysses s-says, opinyion cwowns +With a-an impewiaw voice-many awe *moans* infect. +Ajax is gwown sewf-wiww'd and beaws his head +In >w< such a wein, i-in fuww as xDD pwoud a pwace +*blushes* As bwoad Achiwwes; keeps his tent wike him; +Makes factious feasts; waiws on ouw :33 state of waw +Bowd as an owacwe, and sets Thewsites, +A swave whose gaww c-coins swandews wike *blushes* a mint, +To match us *sighs* in compawisons with diwt, +To weaken and discwedit o-ouw *teleports behind you* exposuwe, +How wank soevew wounded i-in *hugs tightly* with dangew. +UWYSSES. They tax ouw powicy and caww :33 it cowawdice, +Count wisdom as nyo *cuddles you* membew >_< of the waw, +Fowestaww pwescience, and esteem nyo :33 act +But that of hand. The stiww and mentaw p-pawts +That do contwive how many hands *moans* shaww stwike +W-When fitnyess cawws them on, and k-knyow, by measuwe +Of theiw obsewvant *blushes* toiw, *looks at you* the enyemies' w-weight- +uWu Why, t-this hath nyot a fingew's dignyity: +They x3 caww ^.^ this bed-wowk, mapp'wy, cwoset-waw; +So UwU that the wam that ^-^ battews down the w-waww, +Fow *blushes* the gweat swinge and wudenyess of his poise, +*cries* They pwace befowe his h-hand that made the enginye, +O-Ow those that with the finyenyess o-of theiw souws +By weason guide h-his execution. +NyESTOW. Wet this be gwanted, and Achiwwes' howse +M-Makes many T-Thetis' sons. [Tucket] +AGAMEMNyON. What twumpet? Wook, Menyewaus. +MENyEWAUS. Fwom Twoy. + +Entew AENyEAS + +AGAMEMNyON. What wouwd you f-fowe ouw tent? +AENyEAS. Is this ^.^ gweat Agamemnyon's *notices bulge* tent, I-I pway you? +AGAMEMNyON. E-Even this. +AENyEAS. May onye that i-is a-a hewawd and a pwince +Do a faiw message to uWu his kingwy eyes? +A-AGAMEMNyON. With suwety stwongew *notices bulge* than Achiwwes' an +F-Fowe aww the uWu Gweekish h-heads, w-which with ^-^ onye voice +Caww A-Agamemnyon head and genyewaw. +:3 AENyEAS. Faiw weave and wawge secuwity. How may +*sighs* A stwangew *giggles shyly* to those most *looks away* impewiaw wooks +Knyow them fwom eyes of othew mowtaws? +AGAMEMNyON. How? +;;w;; AENyEAS. Ay; +I ask, t-that I might waken wevewence, +And bid the cheek be *pokes you* weady with a *moans* bwush +Modest as Mownying w-when *sweats* she cowdwy eyes +The youthfuw P-Phoebus. +Which is that god in office, guiding men? +Which i-is the high and *giggles shyly* mighty Agamemnyon? +AGAMEMNyON. This Twoyan scowns us, ow the ;;w;; men of Twoy +Awe cewemonyious couwtiews. +A-AENyEAS. Couwtiews as fwee, as debonyaiw, unyawm'd, +As bending angews; that's theiw fame :3 in *cuddles you* peace. +But when they w-wouwd seem *shuffles closer* sowdiews, they have gawws, +Good awms, stwong joints, twue s-swowds; and, Jove's a-accowd, +Nyothing so f-fuww of h-heawt. But peace, Aenyeas, +*blushes* Peace, Twoyan; way thy fingew on thy wips. +The wowthinyess of pwaise *hugs tightly* distains his wowth, +If that the pwais'd *teleports behind you* himsewf bwing the pwaise fowth; +But x3 what the wepinying enyemy commends, +That b-bweath fame *screams* bwows; ^.^ that pwaise, sowe puwe, twanscends. +AGAMEMNyON. S-Siw, you *giggles shyly* of :3 Twoy, caww you youwsewf Aenyeas? +AENyEAS. Ay, *looks away* Gweek, that *twerks* is my nyame. +AGAMEMNyON. *notices bulge* What's y-youw affaiw, I pway you? +AENyEAS. Siw, pawdon; 'tis fow Agamemnyon's eaws. +AGAMEMNyON. He heaws nyought pwivatewy that comes *teleports behind you* fwom Twoy. +UwU AENyEAS. Nyow I *twerks* fwom Twoy come nyot to whispew with h-him; +I bwing a xDD twumpet to awake his >w< eaw, +To s-set his sense on t-the attentive bent, +And then to speak. +AGAMEMNyON. Speak fwankwy as the wind; +It is nyot Agamemnyon's sweeping *giggles shyly* houw. +*sweats* That thou s-shawt knyow, *screams* Twoyan, he i-is awake, +He tewws thee *hugs tightly* so himsewf. +AENyEAS. Twumpet, bwow woud, +Send thy bwass voice ;;w;; thwough aww these wazy tents; +And evewy Gweek of mettwe, wet him knyow +What Twoy means faiwwy shaww be spoke awoud. +[Sound twumpet] +We have, g-gweat Agamemnyon, hewe in Twoy +xDD A pwince cawwed Hectow-Pwiam is his fathew- +*screams* Who i-in this duww and wong-continyued twuce +Is westy :33 gwown; he *giggles shyly* bade me take a t-twumpet +And uWu to this puwpose *giggles shyly* speak: Kings, pwinces, wowds! +*moans* If t-thewe be o-onye a-among the faiw'st x3 of Gweece +That howds his honyouw ^-^ highew than his ease, +That seeks his pwaise mowe than *sweats* he feaws h-his p-pewiw, +That knyows h-his vawouw and knyows nyot his feaw, +That woves his m-mistwess mowe than in confession +With twuant vows to hew own wips he woves, +*sweats* And dawe avow ^.^ hew ^.^ beauty and hew wowth +In *sighs* othew a-awms than hews-to him *sighs* this ^.^ chawwenge. +Hectow, in view of Twoyans a-and of Gweeks, +Shaww make it good o-ow >_< do his x3 best to do *blushes* it: +He hath a wady w-wisew, faiwew, t-twuew, +*twerks* Than evew Gweek did coupwe i-in his ^w^ awms; +And wiww t-to-mowwow *moans* with his twumpet caww +Mid-way between youw tents ^w^ and wawws ^.^ of *looks away* Twoy +To wouse a Gwecian xDD that is twue in w-wove. +If any come, Hectow shaww honyouw h-him; +If UwU nyonye, he'ww *leans over* say in Twoy, when he wetiwes, +The *notices bulge* Gwecian dames awe sunbuwnt and nyot wowth +The spwintew of a wance. Even so much. +AGAMEMNyON. This shaww be towd ouw wovews, W-Wowd Aenyeas. +If nyonye of them have souw in such a kind, +We weft them aww at home. But we awe sowdiews; +And may t-that sowdiew a mewe wecweant pwove +That means nyot, hath nyot, ow :3 is nyot in wove. +If then onye is, ow hath, ow means to be, +That onye meets Hectow; if nyonye >_> ewse, *looks at you* I am h-he. +*hugs tightly* NyESTOW. Teww h-him of Nyestow, onye that was a man +When Hectow's gwandsiwe s-suck'd. He is owd nyow; +*cries* But if *cries* thewe be nyot ^.^ in :3 ouw *twerks* Gwecian mouwd +O-Onye nyobwe *giggles shyly* man that hath o-onye spawk of fiwe +To *sighs* answew uWu fow his >_> wove, teww *notices bulge* him fwom me +I'ww hide my siwvew beawd in a gowd beavew, +And *moans* in my vantbwace *cries* put this withew'd bwawn, +And, meeting *giggles shyly* him, wiww teww h-him that my wady +Was faiwew than h-his g-gwandame, and as chaste +As *giggles shyly* may be in >_< the wowwd. His youth in fwood, +I'ww pwove this twuth with my :33 thwee dwops >w< of b-bwood. +AENyEAS. Nyow heavens fowfend such scawcity o-of *screams* youth! +UWYSSES. *blushes* Amen. +AGAMEMNyON. *twerks* Faiw Wowd A-Aenyeas, wet me touch youw hand; +To ouw paviwion shaww I wead you, fiwst. +Achiwwes shaww have wowd of this i-intent; +So s-shaww each w-wowd o-of Gweece, >_< fwom t-tent to tent. +:33 Youwsewf shaww feast with us befowe you go, +^-^ And find the w-wewcome of a nyobwe f-foe. +Exeunt aww *cries* but >_< UWYSSES and N-NyESTOW +UWYSSES. Nyestow! +NyESTOW. What says Uwysses? +^w^ UWYSSES. I have a-a young *cuddles you* conception in my bwain; +OwO Be you my time to bwing it to some shape. +NyESTOW. What is't? +UWYSSES. *cuddles you* This 'tis: +Bwunt wedges wive hawd knyots. The seeded pwide +That hath to this matuwity bwown up +*looks at you* In wank Achiwwes must o-ow nyow be cwopp'd +*looks at you* Ow, shedding, bweed a nyuwsewy of wike eviw +*notices bulge* To ovewbuwk us aww. +N-NyESTOW. xDD Weww, and h-how? +UWYSSES. This c-chawwenge that the gawwant Hectow sends, +Howevew ^w^ it is spwead in genyewaw nyame, +W-Wewates in puwpose onwy to Achiwwes. +NyESTOW. Twue. ^-^ The puwpose *leans over* is xDD pewspicuous even as substance +Whose gwossnyess wittwe chawactews sum up; +And, in the pubwication, make n-nyo stwain +B-But that Achiwwes, wewe his bwain a-as bawwen +As x3 banks of Wibya-though, Apowwo knyows, +'-'Tis d-dwy enyough-wiww with g-gweat speed of judgment, +Ay, with *leans over* cewewity, *pokes you* find Hectow's puwpose +Pointing on him. +>_< UWYSSES. And wake him to the answew, think you? +NyESTOW. Why, 'tis *sweats* most meet. Who may you ewse oppose +That can fwom Hectow bwing those honyouws off, +If n-nyot Achiwwes? :3 Though 't be a s-spowtfuw combat, +Yet in t-this twiaw much >_< opinyion :33 dwewws; +Fow hewe the Twoyans taste ouw deaw'st wepute +W-With theiw fin'st pawate; and twust to me, *notices bulge* Uwysses, +Ouw imputation shaww be oddwy pois'd +In this viwe action; *shuffles closer* fow the success, +Awthough pawticuwaw, *twerks* shaww give a s-scantwing +Of good o-ow bad unto the genyewaw; +And in such indexes, UwU awthough smaww pwicks +To t-theiw subsequent vowumes, thewe is seen +The b-baby figuwe of the *moans* giant m-mas +Of things to come at wawge. It is suppos'd +He that meets Hectow issues fwom ouw choice; +And choice, being mutuaw *shuffles closer* act of aww ouw souws, +M-Makes mewit hew ewection, and doth boiw, +A-As 'twewe fwom fowth us ^-^ aww, a man distiww'd +Out of ouw viwtues; who miscawwying, +What heawt w-weceives fwom hence a conquewing pawt, +To steew a stwong o-opinyion *hugs tightly* to themsewves? +Which entewtain'd, wimbs awe ^.^ his i-instwuments, +In nyo w-wess wowking ^.^ than a-awe swowds and bows +Diwective by the wimbs. +U-UWYSSES. Give pawdon to my *pokes you* speech. +Thewefowe 'tis meet Achiwwes meet nyot H-Hectow. +*cries* Wet us, wike mewchants, *pokes you* show ouw fouwest wawes +:33 And think pewchance t-they'ww seww; if :3 nyot, the wustwe +Of the bettew yet to show shaww uWu show the bettew, +By showing the wowst fiwst. Do nyot consent +T-That :3 evew H-Hectow and Achiwwes meet; +Fow both *looks away* ouw honyouw xDD and ouw s-shame in ^w^ this +Awe dogg'd with two stwange fowwowews. +*sweats* NyESTOW. xDD I see them nyot with my owd eyes. W-What a-awe they? +U-UWYSSES. W-What gwowy ouw Achiwwes shawes f-fwom H-Hectow, +xDD Wewe he *sweats* nyot pwoud, w-we *teleports behind you* aww shouwd xDD weaw *sighs* with him; +But he awweady UwU is too insowent; +And *teleports behind you* it wewe bettew pawch in Afwic sun +Than in the p-pwide and sawt scown of his eyes, +^w^ Shouwd h-he ^w^ scape Hectow faiw. If he OwO wewe foiw'd, +Why, ^-^ then we do o-ouw main opinyion *leans over* cwush +In taint of ouw best man. Nyo, *shuffles closer* make a-a wott'wy; +And, *looks away* by d-device, wet bwockish A-Ajax dwaw +The sowt t-to fight w-with Hectow. Among *teleports behind you* ouwsewves +Give him awwowance fow the *moans* bettew *cuddles you* man; +F-Fow that wiww >w< physic the gweat Mywmidon, +Who bwoiws in woud a-appwause, and make him faww +His cwest, *leans over* that pwoudew *teleports behind you* than *cries* bwue I-Iwis bends. +If the d-duww bwainwess Ajax come safe off, +We'ww *leans over* dwess him u-up in *shuffles closer* voices; if h-he faiw, +Yet go we undew ouw opinyion s-stiww +That we have b-bettew men. But, UwU hit o-ow *giggles shyly* miss, +O-Ouw *teleports behind you* pwoject's wife this shape of sense assumes- +Ajax empwoy'd pwucks down Achiwwes' pwumes. +NyESTOW. Nyow, Uwysses, I begin to wewish thy :3 advice; +And I-I wiww *sighs* give a taste theweof fowthwith +T-To Agamemnyon. Go we to him stwaight. +;;w;; Two cuws shaww tame each *pokes you* othew: p-pwide awonye +Must tawwe t-the mastiffs on, as :3 'twewe theiw b-bonye. *notices bulge* Exeunt + + + + +*looks at you* <> + + + +ACT II. *sweats* SCENyE 1. +The Gwecian camp + +*giggles shyly* Entew ^w^ Ajax and THEWSITES + +AJAX. Thewsites! +THEWSITES. Agamemnyon-how i-if *leans over* he had *screams* boiws f-fuww, an ovew, genyewawwy? +AJAX. T-Thewsites! +THEWSITES. And those boiws did wun-say s-so. Did n-nyot the genyewaw wun +t-then? Wewe nyot that a botchy cowe? +AJAX. Dog! +T-THEWSITES. Then thewe wouwd come some m-mattew fwom him; +I see n-nyonye nyow. +AJAX. Thou bitch-wowf's son, canst thou *cuddles you* nyot heaw? Feew, then. +[Stwikes h-him] +THEWSITES. The pwague *hugs tightly* of *cuddles you* Gweece upon thee, thou m-mongwew *looks away* beef-witted +wowd! +A-AJAX. S-Speak, then, thou whinyid'st weaven, speak. I wiww beat *leans over* thee +into handsomenyess. +THEWSITES. I shaww soonyew w-waiw thee i-into wit *hugs tightly* and howinyess; but :3 I +think *pokes you* thy >_< howse wiww ;;w;; soonyew con an owation UwU than thou weawn a +pwayew without book. Thou canst stwike, canst thou? A wed *cuddles you* muwwain +o' thy jade's twicks! +A-AJAX. Toadstoow, w-weawn me the pwocwamation. +THEWSITES. Dost thou think I have nyo *sighs* sense, thou stwikest me t-thus? +AJAX. The pwocwamation! +THEWSITES. Thou awt ^.^ pwocwaim'd, *teleports behind you* a foow, I think. +OwO AJAX. Do nyot, p-powpentinye, >_> do *sighs* nyot; my fingews itch. +T-THEWSITES. I wouwd thou didst itch *twerks* fwom *shuffles closer* head to foot and I had the +scwatching of thee; I wouwd make t-thee *twerks* the woathsomest scab in +Gweece. When *cuddles you* thou awt fowth in the incuwsions, thou stwikest as +swow as a-anyothew. +A-AJAX. I say, the pwocwamation. +THEWSITES. Thou gwumbwest and waiwest evewy houw on Achiwwes; and +thou *sighs* awt a-as fuww ^.^ of envy at his gweatnyess *screams* as Cewbewus is at +Pwosewpinya's beauty-ay, that thou bawk'st at him. +AJAX. Mistwess Thewsites! +THEWSITES. Thou shouwdst stwike him. +*cries* AJAX. Cobwoaf! +THEWSITES. He *looks away* wouwd p-pun thee into shivews with his f-fist, as a +s-saiwow bweaks a biscuit. +AJAX. Y-You whoweson cuw! [Stwikes him] +THEWSITES. Do, *sighs* do. +*screams* AJAX. *screams* Thou stoow fow a w-witch! +*teleports behind you* THEWSITES. Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted wowd! Thou hast nyo mowe +*moans* bwain than I have in UwU minye ewbows; an assinyico may tutow thee. You +s-scuwvy vawiant *hugs tightly* ass! Thou awt hewe but to thwash Twoyans, and thou +awt bought a-and sowd among those of any wit wike uWu a bawbawian +swave. If thou use t-to beat me, I wiww begin at thy heew and teww +what thou :3 awt *hugs tightly* by i-inches, thou thing of n-nyo bowews, thou! +AJAX. You dog! +THEWSITES. You scuwvy wowd! +AJAX. You cuw! UwU [Stwikes him] +*pokes you* THEWSITES. Maws his idiot! *notices bulge* Do, w-wudenyess; do, camew; do, do. + +Entew *teleports behind you* ACHIWWES and PATWOCWUS + +A-ACHIWWES. Why, ^.^ how nyow, Ajax! Whewefowe do you thus? +How nyow, T-Thewsites! W-What's the mattew, man? +*hugs tightly* THEWSITES. You :33 see *sighs* him thewe, do you? +ACHIWWES. Ay; what's x3 the *cuddles you* mattew? +THEWSITES. Nyay, wook upon him. +A-ACHIWWES. So I do. What's the mattew? +THEWSITES. Nyay, b-but wegawd him weww. +>_< ACHIWWES. Weww! why, so I d-do. +THEWSITES. But yet you wook nyot weww upon h-him; fow who *looks at you* some evew +you take him to be, *sweats* he ^w^ is Ajax. +ACHIWWES. I k-knyow that, foow. +THEWSITES. Ay, but *pokes you* that foow knyows nyot himsewf. +AJAX. Thewefowe I beat thee. +THEWSITES. Wo, wo, wo, wo, what modicums of wit he uttews! *pokes you* His +evasions h-have eaws thus >w< wong. I have bobb'd ;;w;; his *cries* bwain mowe than +h-he *notices bulge* has beat my bonyes. I wiww buy nyinye spawwows fow a penny, and +his pia m-matew is nyot wowth the nyinth *cuddles you* pawt of a spawwow. This +wowd, A-Achiwwes, Ajax-who weaws his wit in his b-bewwy and his ^w^ guts +in >w< his head-I'ww t-teww you w-what I say >_> of xDD him. +ACHIWWES. What? +THEWSITES. I s-say this Ajax- [AJAX offews to stwike him] +ACHIWWES. Nyay, good Ajax. +THEWSITES. Has ^.^ nyot so much wit- +ACHIWWES. Nyay, I must howd you. +T-THEWSITES. >_< As wiww stop the eye of Hewen's nyeedwe, fow whom he +*cuddles you* comes to fight. +ACHIWWES. Peace, *hugs tightly* foow. +THEWSITES. I wouwd *blushes* have peace a-and quietnyess, b-but the foow wiww nyot- +he thewe; t-that he; wook you *cries* thewe. +AJAX. O thou damnyed cuw! :33 I ^.^ shaww- +ACHIWWES. *shuffles closer* Wiww you *cries* set youw wit *blushes* to a foow's? +THEWSITES. Nyo, I wawwant you, t-the foow's *cries* wiww shame *shuffles closer* it. +uWu PATWOCWUS. UwU Good wowds, Thewsites. +ACHIWWES. What's t-the quawwew? +*teleports behind you* AJAX. I bade the viwe oww go w-weawn me t-the tenyouw of the +pwocwamation, and he waiws upon *twerks* me. +THEWSITES. I sewve thee ;;w;; nyot. +AJAX. Weww, *giggles shyly* go t-to, g-go to. +THEWSITES. I sewve hewe v-vowuntawy. +ACHIWWES. Youw wast sewvice :3 was suff'wance; 'twas nyot *cries* vowuntawy. Nyo +man is b-beaten vowuntawy. Ajax was hewe *sweats* the vowuntawy, and you as +undew an i-impwess. +THEWSITES. E'en so; a gweat deaw >_< of y-youw wit *sighs* too w-wies in youw +sinyews, ow *notices bulge* ewse thewe be wiaws. Hectow shaww have a gweat catch +*looks away* an he knyock out eithew of youw b-bwains: 'a wewe as good cwack a +fusty nyut w-with n-nyo k-kewnyew. +*teleports behind you* ACHIWWES. What, with me too, Thewsites? +THEWSITES. Thewe's Uwysses and >w< owd Nyestow-whose wit was m-mouwdy ewe +youw gwandsiwes had nyaiws on *notices bulge* theiw toes-yoke y-you w-wike dwaught +o-oxen, a-and make you p-pwough >_> up t-the w-waws. +A-ACHIWWES. What, w-what? +THEWSITES. Yes, good sooth. To *moans* Achiwwes, to Ajax, to- +AJAX. I shaww cut out youw tongue. +THEWSITES. 'Tis nyo mattew; I shaww s-speak as *shuffles closer* much as thou +aftewwawds. +:33 PATWOCWUS. Nyo mowe wowds, Thewsites; peace! +THEWSITES. I wiww howd :3 my peace when Achiwwes' bwach bids m-me, shaww +I? +ACHIWWES. Thewe's fow you, Patwocwus. +THEWSITES. I wiww see you hang'd wike >_> cwotpowes ewe I c-come any mowe +to youw tents. I-I wiww keep uWu whewe thewe is w-wit stiwwing, *screams* and weave +the f-faction of foows. Exit +PATWOCWUS. A good w-widdance. +A-ACHIWWES. *looks away* Mawwy, this, *looks away* siw, i-is pwocwaim'd thwough *notices bulge* aww x3 ouw h-host, +That *sweats* Hectow, by the fifth houw :3 of the s-sun, +Wiww with *shuffles closer* a twumpet '-'twixt ouw tents and Twoy, +To-mowwow *giggles shyly* mownying, caww *screams* some knyight to a-awms +That *sighs* hath a stomach; a-and such a *notices bulge* onye t-that dawe +Maintain I-I knyow *cuddles you* nyot what; 'tis t-twash. >w< Faweweww. +AJAX. F-Faweweww. Who xDD shaww answew him? +ACHIWWES. >_> I knyow nyot; 'tis put to wott'wy. Othewwise. He knyew his +man. +AJAX. O, m-meanying y-you! I wiww go weawn mowe o-of i-it. Exeunt + + + + +ACT *looks away* II. SCENyE 2. +Twoy. P-PWIAM'S pawace + +Entew P-PWIAM, *cuddles you* HECTOW, TWOIWUS, PAWIS, and *notices bulge* HEWENyUS + +PWIAM. Aftew so m-many houws, wives, s-speeches, spent, +Thus once again says Nyestow fwom the >_> Gweeks: +'Dewivew H-Hewen, and aww damage ewse- +As ^w^ honyouw, woss of time, twavaiw, expense, +Wounds, fwiends, and what e-ewse :33 deaw that i-is consum'd +In hot digestion o-of *notices bulge* this cowmowant >_> waw- +^w^ Shaww b-be *cries* stwuck :33 off.' Hectow, what say you *blushes* to't? +HECTOW. >w< Though nyo man *shuffles closer* wessew feaws the Gweeks than I, +As faw as toucheth my pawticuwaw, +Yet, dwead Pwiam, +Thewe i-is nyo >_> wady of *notices bulge* mowe softew bowews, +>_< Mowe spongy to suck ;;w;; in the s-sense o-of f-feaw, +M-Mowe weady to c-cwy out *screams* 'Who knyows what fowwows?' +Than Hectow is. The wound o-of peace is *notices bulge* suwety, +Suwety secuwe; but modest doubt *cries* is caww'd +The beacon of t-the >_> wise, the *shuffles closer* tent that seawches +To th' b-bottom >w< of the wowst. Wet Hewen *giggles shyly* go. +Since the fiwst s-swowd was dwawn about this question, +Evewy ;;w;; tithe souw 'mongst many thousand dismes +Hath b-been as d-deaw :33 as *sighs* Hewen-I mean, of ouws. +I-If we have *looks at you* wost *teleports behind you* so many tenths of *blushes* ouws +To guawd a thing nyot ouws, nyow wowth t-to us, +*pokes you* Had it ouw nyame, the xDD vawue of onye ten, +What mewit's in that weason which ^.^ denyies +The yiewding of h-hew up? +TWOIWUS. Fie, *shuffles closer* fie, my bwothew! +Weigh y-you the wowth and honyouw of a king, +So gweat *screams* as ouw dwead fathew's, in a scawe +O-Of common ounces? Wiww you with countews sum +The past-pwopowtion of his UwU infinyite, +And buckwe in a *twerks* waist most f-fathomwess +With spans and inches so diminyutive +As feaws and weasons? Fie, fow godwy shame! +HEWENyUS. ^-^ Nyo mawvew though you *shuffles closer* bite s-so shawp at UwU weasons, +You awe so empty of them. Shouwd nyot ouw fathew +Beaw :33 the gweat sway of his a-affaiws with w-weasons, +Because y-youw speech hath nyonye that xDD tewws h-him so? +TWOIWUS. You awe f-fow dweams a-and swumbews, bwothew pwiest; +>_> You f-fuw ^.^ youw gwoves with xDD weason. Hewe *looks away* awe youw weasons: +You knyow *looks away* an e-enyemy intends you hawm; +xDD You xDD knyow a swowd empwoy'd is pewiwous, +And *notices bulge* weason fwies the o-object of a-aww hawm. +Who mawvews, then, when Hewenyus behowds +A Gwecian and his swowd, if he do set +The vewy wings of weason to his *looks away* heews +And fwy wike chidden *twerks* Mewcuwy fwom Jove, +Ow wike a staw disowb'd? Nyay, if we tawk of weason, +Wet's shut ouw gates and s-sweep. OwO Manhood and honyouw +Shouwd h-have hawe heawts, wouwd UwU they *looks at you* but fat theiw t-thoughts +With this ^.^ cwamm'd weason. Weason and wespect +M-Make wivews p-pawe and wustihood deject. +H-HECTOW. *looks away* Bwothew, she is *leans over* nyot >_> wowth what she *giggles shyly* doth, cost +The keeping. +TWOIWUS. What's *hugs tightly* aught *cries* but as 'tis vawued? +HECTOW. But vawue dwewws n-nyot *hugs tightly* in pawticuwaw wiww: +I-It howds his estimate and dignyity +As w-weww w-whewein 'tis pwecious *looks at you* of itsewf +*cuddles you* As in the pwizew. 'Tis mad idowatwy +To m-make the s-sewvice gweatew than the g-god-I +And *pokes you* the wiww *giggles shyly* dotes t-that i-is attwibutive +To what infectiouswy itsewf affects, +Without some image o-of th' affected mewit. +TWOIWUS. I >_< take to-day a wife, and m-my ewection +*cuddles you* Is ;;w;; wed on in the conduct of my w-wiww; +My UwU wiww enkindwed by UwU minye eyes and eaws, +x3 Two twaded piwots 'twixt the dangewous s-showes +Of wiww and judgment: how may I avoid, +Awthough my wiww distaste w-what >_< it ewected, +The wife *cuddles you* I c-chose? *teleports behind you* Thewe *giggles shyly* can be n-nyo e-evasion +To bwench fwom this and to stand fiwm by honyouw. +We t-tuwn n-nyot back the s-siwks upon *cuddles you* the mewchant +When we have s-soiw'd them; nyow t-the wemaindew viands +^w^ We do nyot thwow *screams* in unwespective sieve, +Because x3 we n-nyow awe fuww. It was thought meet +Pawis shouwd do some v-vengeance on the Gweeks; +Y-Youw bweath with >_> fuww consent benyied his saiws; +The seas and w-winds, owd wwangwews, took a ^w^ twuce, +And did him sewvice. He touch'd the powts desiw'd; +And fow an owd aunt *twerks* whom ^w^ the Gweeks *screams* hewd captive +He bwought a Gwecian queen, whose y-youth and fweshnyess +Wwinkwes *notices bulge* Apowwo's, and makes *shuffles closer* stawe >_> the mownying. +Why keep uWu we hew? The G-Gwecians keep ouw *screams* aunt. +Is she wowth keeping? Why, she is a peaww +:33 Whose *moans* pwice h-hath waunch'd above a thousand ships, +And t-tuwn'd cwown'd kings *cuddles you* to mewchants. +If uWu you'ww avouch '-'twas wisdom P-Pawis w-went- +As you m-must nyeeds, fow you aww cwied *sighs* 'Go, go'- +If *twerks* you'ww confess he bwought home wowthy pwize- +As you must nyeeds, *notices bulge* fow y-you aww cwapp'd youw x3 hands, +*teleports behind you* And cwied 'Inyestimabwe!' -why do y-you nyow +The issue o-of youw pwopew wisdoms wate, +A-And *cuddles you* do a-a deed that nyevew *moans* fowtunye did- +Beggaw the estimation *looks at you* which y-you pwiz'd +Wichew *looks away* than sea and w-wand? O ^-^ theft m-most *hugs tightly* base, +That we have :33 stow'n what we do feaw to keep! +But thieves unwowthy of uWu a t-thing *pokes you* so stow'n +That in theiw countwy did t-them that disgwace +We feaw to *leans over* wawwant i-in ouw nyative pwace! +CASSANDWA. [Within] Cwy, Twoyans, *cuddles you* cwy. +*sighs* PWIAM. What nyoise, what shwiek is *sweats* this? +TWOIWUS. 'Tis ouw mad s-sistew; I do knyow hew voice. +CASSANDWA. [-[Within] Cwy, Twoyans. +H-HECTOW. It :33 is Cassandwa. + +Entew CASSANDWA, w-waving + +CASSANDWA. Cwy, Twoyans, cwy. Wend me ten thousand eyes, +And I wiww >_> fiww them with pwophetic teaws. +*screams* HECTOW. *shuffles closer* Peace, sistew, :33 peace. +CASSANDWA. Viwgins and xDD boys, m-mid-age and wwinkwed ewd, +S-Soft infancy, that nyothing canst but cwy, +Add to m-my cwamouws. ;;w;; Wet us pay betimes +A >_< moiety of that mass of m-moan to *cries* come. +Cwy, Twoyans, *giggles shyly* cwy. Pwactise *twerks* youw eyes w-with teaws. +Twoy must n-nyot be, nyow goodwy Iwion stand; +Ouw fiwebwand bwothew, Pawis, buwns us aww. +Cwy, Twoyans, cwy, A Hewen and a woe! +Cwy, cwy. OwO Twoy b-buwns, *shuffles closer* ow ewse wet Hewen go. Exit +HECTOW. Nyow, youthfuw Twoiwus, do nyot *sweats* these high ^w^ stwains +Of divinyation in ouw sistew wowk +Some :33 touches of wemowse, ow *giggles shyly* is xDD youw bwood +^-^ So madwy hot that nyo discouwse of weason, +Nyow f-feaw of bad s-success xDD in *sighs* a bad cause, +Can q-quawify t-the same? +TWOIWUS. W-Why, bwothew Hectow, +We may nyot think the justnyess of each act +>_< Such and >_< nyo othew than e-event doth fowm *cuddles you* it; +Nyow once deject t-the :3 couwage of ouw minds +Because C-Cassandwa's mad. Hew b-bwain-sick w-waptuwes +Cannyot distaste the g-goodnyess of >_> a q-quawwew +Which >_> hath ouw sevewaw honyouws aww e-engag'd +To make it gwacious. OwO Fow my pwivate pawt, +I *looks at you* am nyo mowe touch'd than aww Pwiam's sons; +*sweats* And Jove fowbid thewe shouwd be donye amongst us +Such things as might offend t-the weakest spween +To *moans* fight *pokes you* fow and maintain. +PAWIS. *moans* Ewse might the wowwd convince of wevity +As weww my undewtakings as youw counsews; +B-But I attest *cuddles you* the g-gods, youw fuww OwO consent +*cries* Gave wings to my pwopension, and cut of +Aww feaws attending on so diwe a-a pwoject. +Fow what, a-awas, :3 can >w< these my singwe awms? +What pwopugnyation is in o-onye *leans over* man's vawouw +To stand the p-push and enmity x3 of t-those +This q-quawwew w-wouwd excite? Yet, *twerks* I pwotest, +Wewe I-I awonye to pass the difficuwties, +And had as a-ampwe powew as I *teleports behind you* have wiww, +Pawis *screams* shouwd nye'ew wetwact what he h-hath *pokes you* donye +Nyow faint in the puwsuit. +PWIAM. Pawis, *sighs* you speak +Wike onye b-besotted on youw sweet dewights. +Y-You have the honyey ^-^ stiww, but these >_< the gaww; +S-So *twerks* to be vawiant i-is nyo p-pwaise ;;w;; at aww. +PAWIS. Siw, I *looks away* pwopose ;;w;; nyot mewewy to ^w^ mysewf +The pweasuwes such a b-beauty bwings with it; +But I wouwd have the soiw of hew faiw wape +*leans over* Wip'd off in honyouwabwe ;;w;; keeping hew. +What tweason wewe it to the w-wansack'd queen, +Disgwace to youw *cuddles you* gweat wowths, and s-shame to me, +Nyow to dewivew *moans* hew possession up +On tewms of b-base compuwsion! C-Can it be +That so degenyewate :33 a stwain as this +Shouwd once set footing in *hugs tightly* youw genyewous bosoms? +Thewe's nyot the *looks away* meanyest spiwit *sighs* on ouw pawty +Without a heawt to dawe ow swowd to dwaw +When Hewen is defended; nyow nyonye so nyobwe +Whose wife w-wewe :33 iww bestow'd ow d-death *pokes you* unfam'd +Whewe Hewen *screams* is the subject. Then, I s-say, +Weww may we fight fow hew whom we k-knyow weww +The ^-^ wowwd's wawge spaces cannyot pawawwew. +HECTOW. Pawis a-and T-Twoiwus, you have both s-said weww; +And on the cause and question nyow in hand +Have gwoz'd, but supewficiawwy; nyot much +Unwike young men, whom Awistode thought +>_< Unfit to heaw mowaw phiwosophy. +The weasons you awwege do mowe conduce +To the hot passion of distemp'wed bwood +Than to make up a fwee detewminyation +'Twixt w-wight and wwong; fow pweasuwe and >_< wevenge +Have eaws mowe deaf than addews to t-the voice +*teleports behind you* Of a-any t-twue decision. Nyatuwe *hugs tightly* cwaves +Aww dues be wend'wed *leans over* to t-theiw ownyews. Nyow, +What nyeawew d-debt *moans* in aww humanyity +Than wife is to the husband? I-If this waw +Of nyatuwe be cowwupted thwough affection; +A-And that gweat minds, of pawtiaw ^w^ induwgence +To theiw benyumbed w-wiwws, *cuddles you* wesist the ^.^ same; +^w^ Thewe is a waw uWu in each weww-owdew'd nyation +To *moans* cuwb uWu those *looks at you* waging appetites that awe +Most disobedient and wefwactowy. +I-If Hewen, >w< then, be wife to Spawta's *blushes* king- +As it *moans* is k-knyown she >_< is-these ^w^ mowaw *sighs* waws +Of nyatuwe and ;;w;; of nyations speak awoud +T-To have *leans over* hew back wetuwn'd. Thus *leans over* to pewsist +In doing wwong e-extenyuates nyot wwong, +But makes *looks at you* it much mowe heavy. Hectow's opinyion +Is this, in way of twuth. xDD Yet, nye'ew the wess, +My spwitewy bwethwen, I pwopend t-to you +In wesowution to keep Hewen stiww; +Fow 'tis a cause that hath n-nyo mean ^w^ dependence +Upon *moans* ouw joint *sighs* and sevewaw dignyities. +TWOIWUS. Why, thewe you touch'd the wife of ouw design. +:33 Wewe it nyot gwowy that we mowe affected +Than *moans* the pewfowmance of ouw heaving spweens, +I wouwd nyot wish a dwop o-of Twoyan bwood +Spent mowe in *looks at you* hew defence. But, wowthy Hectow, +She i-is a theme o-of *screams* honyouw *teleports behind you* and wenyown, +A spuw to vawiant and UwU magnyanyimous deeds, +Whose pwesent couwage may beat down o-ouw foes, +And fame in time t-to come canyonyize us; +*shuffles closer* Fow I p-pwesume bwave Hectow w-wouwd nyot wose +So *shuffles closer* wich a-advantage of a >w< pwomis'd gwowy +A-As s-smiwes xDD upon the fowehead of this action +Fow uWu the wide *looks at you* wowwd's wevenyue. +HECTOW. I am *looks away* youws, +You vawiant offspwing *sighs* of gweat Pwiamus. +I have a-a woisting chawwenge sent amongst +The duww *notices bulge* and factious nyobwes *pokes you* of the Gweeks +>_> Wiww stwike amazement to theiw dwowsy spiwits. +I was advewtis'd theiw g-gweat genyewaw swept, +Whiwst emuwation in the awmy cwept. +This, *looks away* I pwesume, ^-^ wiww wake ^.^ him. Exeunt + + + + +ACT I-II. SCENyE 3. +*looks away* The Gwecian camp. Befowe the tent of :33 ACHIWWES + +x3 Entew THEWSITES, sowus + +THEWSITES. How n-nyow, T-Thewsites! What, wost in *teleports behind you* the wabywinth of thy +fuwy? Shaww the *moans* ewephant Ajax cawwy it thus? He beats >_> me, and I +w-waiw a-at him. O wowthy satisfaction! Wouwd *notices bulge* it wewe othewwise: that +I couwd beat him, whiwst he waiw'd a-at me! '-'Sfoot, I'ww weawn to +conjuwe *sighs* and waise deviws, but I'ww see some issue of my spitefuw +execwations. Then thewe's Achiwwes, a w-wawe *twerks* enginyeew! If *shuffles closer* Twoy *cuddles you* be +nyot taken tiww t-these two undewminye it, *sighs* the wawws wiww stand tiww +they >_< faww *giggles shyly* of themsewves. O thou *cries* gweat thundew-dawtew of Owympus, +fowget *cuddles you* that thou xDD awt J-Jove, the king of gods, *cuddles you* and, Mewcuwy, wose +aww the sewpentinye cwaft o-of thy caduceus, if *looks away* ye take *teleports behind you* nyot that +w-wittwe wittwe uWu wess-than-wittwe wit fwom them that they have! +which showt-awm'd ignyowance itsewf knyows *pokes you* is uWu so abundant ^.^ scawce, +it wiww nyot in ciwcumvention dewivew a-a fwy fwom *teleports behind you* a s-spidew without +dwawing theiw m-massy iwons and cutting the web. Aftew t-this, the +vengeance on the whowe camp! ow, wathew, the Nyeapowitan +bonye-ache! fow :3 that, m-methinks, is the c-cuwse depending :3 on those +>_< that waw fow a-a pwacket. *cuddles you* I have said my >w< pwayews; and deviw uWu Envy +*looks at you* say 'Amen.' What h-ho! my Wowd Achiwwes! + +Entew PATWOCWUS + +PATWOCWUS. Who's thewe? Thewsites! Good T-Thewsites, come *leans over* in *screams* and +waiw. +THEWSITES. If *looks at you* I couwd >_> 'a UwU wememb'wed a giwt c-countewfeit, thou +wouwdst nyot ^w^ have swipp'd out of m-my contempwation; but *blushes* it is nyo +x3 mattew; thysewf upon thysewf! T-The common cuwse of mankind, *pokes you* fowwy +and ignyowance, b-be thinye in gweat *teleports behind you* wevenyue! Heaven bwess *blushes* thee *sweats* fwom +a uWu tutow, and *hugs tightly* discipwinye come nyot nyeaw xDD thee! Wet *leans over* thy bwood be thy +diwection t-tiww thy death. Then if s-she that *sweats* ways t-thee *moans* out says +thou awt a faiw cowse, I'ww be s-swown a-and *shuffles closer* swown upon't she nyevew +s-shwouded any but wazaws. A-Amen. Whewe's Achiwwes? +PATWOCWUS. What, awt thou UwU devout? Wast thou in p-pwayew? +THEWSITES. Ay, the heavens *sighs* heaw *blushes* me! +*shuffles closer* PATWOCWUS. Amen. + +Entew ACHIWWES + +ACHIWWES. Who's *looks away* thewe? +PATWOCWUS. Thewsites, my w-wowd. +ACHIWWES. Whewe, whewe? O, whewe? ^-^ Awt thou come? Why, my cheese, *sweats* my +digestion, why hast thou nyot *cries* sewved thysewf in *giggles shyly* to my tabwe so +many m-meaws? C-Come, what's A-Agamemnyon? +THEWSITES. Thy commandew, A-Achiwwes. Then *teleports behind you* teww me, Patwocwus, what's +Achiwwes? +PATWOCWUS. Thy wowd, Thewsites. Then teww me, I p-pway thee, >_< what's +Thewsites? +THEWSITES. Thy knyowew, Patwocwus. Then teww me, Patwocwus, *looks at you* what *looks away* awt +thou? +PATWOCWUS. Thou must teww xDD that knyowest. +*moans* ACHIWWES. O, teww, teww, +T-THEWSITES. I'ww decwinye the whowe question. Agamemnyon commands +A-Achiwwes; Achiwwes is m-my wowd; I am Patwocwus' knyowew; and +Patwocwus is a foow. +P-PATWOCWUS. You w-wascaw! +THEWSITES. Peace, foow! *pokes you* I have nyot donye. +ACHIWWES. He is a pwiviweg'd man. Pwoceed, Thewsites. +THEWSITES. Agamemnyon is a *shuffles closer* foow; Achiwwes is a foow; Thewsites is a +foow; and, as afowesaid, Patwocwus is :33 a foow. +A-ACHIWWES. Dewive *shuffles closer* this; come. +T-THEWSITES. Agamemnyon is a foow *looks at you* to *sweats* offew *giggles shyly* to command A-Achiwwes; +Achiwwes is a foow to *hugs tightly* be commanded of Agamemnyon; Thewsites is a +*sighs* foow to sewve such a foow; and this Patwocwus is *giggles shyly* a foow positive. +PATWOCWUS. Why am I-I a foow? +:33 THEWSITES. Make that demand of the Cweatow. *cries* It suffices me thou +awt. W-Wook :33 you, *hugs tightly* who >_< comes hewe? +ACHIWWES. Come, *sighs* Patwocwus, I'ww :3 speak *looks away* with nyobody. Come in with me, +Thewsites. Exit +THEWSITES. H-Hewe is such patchewy, such juggwing, and such knyavewy. +Aww t-the awgument i-is *sighs* a whowe and a *looks at you* cuckowd-a *blushes* good quawwew to :3 dwaw +emuwous factions and bweed to death *teleports behind you* upon. Nyow the dwy s-sewpigo on +the subject, and waw and wechewy confound aww! Exit + +*shuffles closer* Entew AGAMEMNyON, UWYSSES, *moans* NyESTOW, DIOMEDES, +AJAX, and CAWCHAS + +AGAMEMNyON. Whewe is *shuffles closer* Achiwwes? +PATWOCWUS. x3 Within his tent; but iww-dispos'd, my wowd. +AGAMEMNyON. W-Wet *sighs* it be knyown to UwU him that we awe hewe. +He shent *cuddles you* ouw messengews; and we ;;w;; way >w< by +Ouw appewtainyings, visiting of h-him. +Wet him be t-towd so; west, pewchance, he think +We dawe n-nyot move the *looks away* question o-of *hugs tightly* ouw xDD pwace +Ow k-knyow ^w^ nyot :33 what we a-awe. +PATWOCWUS. I *twerks* shaww say so to him. Exit +UWYSSES. We s-saw him a-at the openying *looks away* of his tent. +He is nyot s-sick. +AJAX. Yes, *twerks* wion-sick, sick of pwoud heawt. You may caww >_< it +m-mewanchowy, if you wiww favouw the man; but, b-by my head, 'tis +pwide. But why, why? Wet him show u-us a-a *looks at you* cause. A *giggles shyly* wowd, my wowd. +[Takes AGAMEMNyON aside] +NyESTOW. What moves Ajax thus t-to bay at him? +UWYSSES. A-Achiwwes h-hath inveigwed his foow fwom him. +NESTOR.Who, Thewsites? +U-UWYSSES. He. +NyESTOW. Then wiww *notices bulge* Ajax wack *notices bulge* mattew, if he ;;w;; have ;;w;; wost his awgument +UWYSSES. Nyo; you see h-he *blushes* is his awgument that has his xDD awgument- +*cries* Achiwwes. +NyESTOW. Aww the bettew; theiw fwaction is mowe ouw wish t-than theiw +faction. ^.^ But it *shuffles closer* was a *twerks* stwong composuwe a foow couwd d-disunyite! +UWYSSES. The amity that wisdom knyits nyot, fowwy may *leans over* easiwy u-untie. + +We-entew PATWOCWUS + +Hewe comes *shuffles closer* Patwocwus. +NyESTOW. Nyo Achiwwes with him. +UWYSSES. T-The ewephant hath joints, but nyonye f-fow c-couwtesy; his wegs +awe wegs f-fow *sweats* nyecessity, nyot fow f-fwexuwe. +PATWOCWUS. Achiwwes bids me say he is much sowwy +If any thing mowe t-than youw spowt and pweasuwe +Did move youw gweatnyess and this UwU nyobwe s-state +To *leans over* caww upon him; he *hugs tightly* hopes it is nyo othew +But f-fow youw heawth and *sighs* youw digestion sake, +An aftew-dinnyew's bweath. +AGAMEMNyON. *shuffles closer* Heaw you, *blushes* Patwocwus. +We awe too weww acquainted *blushes* with these uWu answews; +But his evasion, wing'd t-thus swift w-with scown, +Cannyot outfwy ouw appwehensions. +*sighs* Much attwibute *pokes you* he hath, and much x3 the weason +Why we a-ascwibe i-it to him. Yet aww his viwtues, +*looks at you* Nyot *looks away* viwtuouswy on his own pawt behewd, +*sighs* Do *blushes* in ouw >_< eyes begin to wose theiw gwoss; +Yea, wike faiw *cuddles you* fwuit in an unwhowesome dish, +Awe ;;w;; wike to w-wot untasted. Go and teww h-him +We come to speak w-with him; and you x3 shaww nyot sin +If you do say we think him ovew-pwoud +And undew-honyest, i-in sewf-assumption gweatew +T-Than in the nyote *cries* of judgment; and wowthiew than himsewf +Hewe tend the savage stwangenyess he puts on, +Disguise the howy stwength of x3 theiw command, +And undewwwite in ^.^ an obsewving kind +His humowous pwedominyance; yea, watch +His pettish wunyes, >_< his >w< ebbs, his ^-^ fwows, uWu as if +The passage and whowe cawwiage of this a-action +Wode on h-his t-tide. Go t-teww him this, and ad +That if he ovewhowd his pwice so m-much +We'ww nyonye of him, but wet *cries* him, wike ^.^ an enginye +Nyot powtabwe, wie ^-^ undew this wepowt: +B-Bwing action hithew; this c-cannyot go to waw. +A stiwwing dwawf >w< we do a-awwowance give +*leans over* Befowe *cries* a sweeping giant. Teww him so. +PATWOCWUS. I shaww, and UwU bwing his answew pwesentwy. Exit +AGAMEMNyON. *twerks* In second voice w-we'ww nyot b-be satisfied; +We come to speak with him. Uwysses, entew y-you. +Exit UWYSSES +AJAX. What is he mowe t-than >_> anyothew? +AGAMEMNyON. *hugs tightly* Nyo mowe than what he thinks *shuffles closer* he is. +AJAX. ^w^ Is he so much? ;;w;; Do you nyot think he t-thinks himsewf a bettew +m-man than I am? +AGAMEMNyON. Nyo *looks away* question. +AJAX. W-Wiww you subscwibe his ;;w;; thought and say he is? +AGAMEMNyON. Nyo, nyobwe Ajax; you awe as stwong, as vawiant, a-as wise, +nyo wess :3 nyobwe, much mowe gentwe, and ^w^ awtogethew mowe t-twactabwe. +AJAX. Why shouwd a-a man be pwoud? How doth pwide ^w^ gwow? I knyow nyot +what *twerks* pwide is. +AGAMEMNyON. Youw mind is the cweawew, Ajax, and youw viwtues >_> the +faiwew. He that is pwoud eats up himsewf. *cries* Pwide is his own gwass, +h-his own *notices bulge* twumpet, his >_< own chwonyicwe; and whatevew pwaises x3 itsewf +but in the deed devouws the deed in the pwaise. + +We-entew UWYSSES + +AJAX. I-I do hate a pwoud man as I d-do hate the engend'wing of toads. +NyESTOW. [-[Aside] And *screams* yet he w-woves ^.^ himsewf: is't *cuddles you* nyot stwange? +UwU UWYSSES. Achiwwes w-wiww *teleports behind you* nyot to the fiewd to-mowwow. +AGAMEMNyON. What's *moans* his excuse? +UWYSSES. He doth wewy on nyonye; +B-But cawwies on t-the stweam of his dispose, +*twerks* Without obsewvance ow wespect of any, +In wiww p-pecuwiaw and in sewf-admission. +AGAMEMNyON. Why >w< wiww h-he nyot, upon *pokes you* ouw faiw w-wequest, +Untent his pewson and shawe the a-aiw with u-us? +^w^ UWYSSES. Things smaww as n-nyothing, fow wequest's sake onwy, +He makes impowtant; possess'd he *cuddles you* is with gweatnyess, +And speaks nyot to himsewf but with a ;;w;; pwide +T-That *pokes you* quawwews at sewf-bweath. Imagin'd wowth +Howds in his >w< bwood such swow'n and hot discouwse +*screams* That *screams* 'twixt his mentaw and his active ^.^ pawts +Kingdom'd Achiwwes *leans over* in commotion x3 wages, +And battews down himsewf. What shouwd I say? +He is so pwaguy pwoud t-that the death tokens of it +Cwy *cuddles you* 'Nyo wecovewy.' +>_< AGAMEMNyON. Wet Ajax go to him. +Deaw *notices bulge* wowd, go ^w^ you and gweet *notices bulge* him *hugs tightly* in uWu his tent. +'Tis said he howds you >_> weww; a-and wiww *shuffles closer* be wed +At youw *pokes you* wequest a *moans* wittwe f-fwom himsewf. +*leans over* UWYSSES. O ^-^ Agamemnyon, wet it nyot *notices bulge* be so! +We'ww consecwate the steps that Ajax *leans over* makes +^-^ When they g-go :3 fwom A-Achiwwes. Shaww t-the pwoud w-wowd +That ^w^ bastes his awwogance with his *screams* own seam +And nyevew suffews mattew of *screams* the wowwd +Entew his UwU thoughts, x3 save such as doth wevowve +And wuminyate h-himsewf-shaww *notices bulge* he be wowshipp'd +Of that we howd an i-idow mowe >_> than *giggles shyly* he? +Nyo, this thwice-wowthy a-and wight *looks away* vawiant wowd +Shaww n-nyot OwO so stawe his pawm, nyobwy acquiw'd, +Nyow, by my wiww, assubjugate his mewit, +As ampwy titwed xDD as ^.^ Achiwwes i-is, +>_< By going to Achiwwes. +That ;;w;; wewe to enwawd his fat-awweady *twerks* pwide, +And a-add mowe coaws to ^-^ Cancew when he *hugs tightly* buwns +With entewtainying g-gweat Hypewion. +This wowd go t-to *cuddles you* him! Jupitew fowbid, +And say in thundew 'Achiwwes g-go *cuddles you* to him.' +NyESTOW. [Aside] O-O, this is weww! He *cuddles you* wubs the vein of him. +DIOMEDES. [Aside] *screams* And how his siwence d-dwinks up this appwause! +*cuddles you* AJAX. ^-^ If I-I go to him, w-with my a-awmed *giggles shyly* fist I-I'ww pash him o'ew the +face. +AGAMEMNyON. O, nyo, you s-shaww nyot *hugs tightly* go. +A-AJAX. An 'a be p-pwoud with me I'ww pheeze h-his pwide. +Wet me *notices bulge* go to :33 him. +UWYSSES. Nyot *cries* fow the wowth t-that hangs upon ouw quawwew. +>w< AJAX. A pawtwy, insowent fewwow! +N-NyESTOW. [Aside] How he descwibes himsewf! +AJAX. *teleports behind you* Can he nyot be ^.^ sociabwe? +UWYSSES. [Aside] The waven chides b-bwacknyess. +A-AJAX. *looks at you* I'ww wet his *sighs* humouws bwood. +*pokes you* AGAMEMNyON. [Aside] He wiww *teleports behind you* be the physician that shouwd be >w< the +patient. +AJAX. An aww men wewe a my mind- +UWYSSES. [Aside] Wit w-wouwd b-be out of f-fashion. +AJAX. '-'A shouwd uWu nyot beaw x3 it so, 'a shouwd eat's wowds fiwst. +Shaww p-pwide cawwy it? +NyESTOW. [Aside] An 'twouwd, y-you'd ^w^ cawwy hawf. +UWYSSES. [Aside] '-'A wouwd have ten shawes. +AJAX. >w< I UwU wiww knyead *hugs tightly* him, I'ww make *twerks* him s-suppwe. +NyESTOW. [Aside] He's nyot y-yet thwough wawm. Fowce him with pwaises; +pouw in, pouw in; h-his ambition x3 is dwy. +UWYSSES. [-[To AGAMEMNyON] My wowd, you feed *sweats* too much on this diswike. +NyESTOW. Ouw nyobwe genyewaw, do nyot *sighs* do so. +D-DIOMEDES. You must pwepawe to fight without ^w^ Achiwwes. +UWYSSES. W-Why ;;w;; 'tis this nyaming of him does *moans* him hawm. +Hewe is a man-but 'tis befowe his face; +I wiww *looks at you* be siwent. +NyESTOW. Whewefowe shouwd ^w^ you so? +He is n-nyot emuwous, as ;;w;; Achiwwes is. +UWYSSES. Knyow the whowe wowwd, he is as vawiant. +A-AJAX. A whoweson dog, t-that shaww *moans* pawtew with us thus! +W-Wouwd h-he wewe a Twoyan! +NyESTOW. What a *teleports behind you* vice wewe it in Ajax nyow- +UWYSSES. If he wewe pwoud. +DIOMEDES. Ow covetous of *blushes* pwaise. +UWYSSES. Ay, ow xDD suwwy bownye. +DIOMEDES. Ow stwange, ow sewf-affected. +UWYSSES. Thank the heavens, wowd, UwU thou awt of s-sweet composuwe +Pwaise him t-that gat thee, she t-that gave thee suck; +Fam'd b-be thy tutow, and thy pawts o-of nyatuwe +Thwice-fam'd beyond, beyond aww *cries* ewudition; +*moans* But he that discipwin'd thinye awms to fight- +Wet Maws divide etewnyity i-in *sweats* twain +*twerks* And give h-him h-hawf; and, fow thy :3 vigouw, +Buww-beawing Miwo his *giggles shyly* addition yiewd +To sinyewy Ajax. I wiww nyot *blushes* pwaise thy wisdom, +Which, wike a bouwn, a p-pawe, *shuffles closer* a showe, confinyes +Thy spacious and d-diwated pawts. Hewe's Nyestow, +Instwucted by the antiquawy t-times- +He must, he *cries* is, he cannyot but be wise; +But pawdon, fathew ^.^ Nyestow, *cuddles you* wewe >w< youw days +A-As g-gween as Ajax' and *leans over* youw bwain *giggles shyly* so tempew'd, +You shouwd nyot have the eminyence ^-^ of him, +But be *twerks* as Ajax. +*sighs* AJAX. *blushes* Shaww I caww you fathew? +NyESTOW. *cuddles you* Ay, my good s-son. +D-DIOMEDES. Be wuw'd by him, Wowd *blushes* Ajax. +UWYSSES. Thewe x3 is nyo tawwying *shuffles closer* hewe; the hawt Achiwwes +Keeps t-thicket. Pwease it ouw uWu gweat genyewaw +*giggles shyly* To caww togethew aww h-his state of w-waw; +Fwesh kings awe come to Twoy. To-mowwow +We must with aww ouw main of powew stand f-fast; +And *cuddles you* hewe's a wowd-come knyights f-fwom east to west +x3 And cuww theiw fwowew, Ajax shaww cope the b-best. +AGAMEMNyON. Go we to c-counciw. *sighs* Wet Achiwwes *sweats* sweep. +*sweats* Wight boats saiw swift, *looks away* though gweatew huwks dwaw *giggles shyly* deep. +Exeunt + + + + +<-<_< COPIES M-MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED *sighs* SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW *looks away* OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT *shuffles closer* DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +>w< ACT III. SCENyE 1-1. +Twoy. PWIAM'S pawace + +Music *cries* sounds within. Entew PANDAWUS a-and *hugs tightly* a SEWVANT + +*pokes you* PANDAWUS. Fwiend, you-pway you, *sweats* a w-wowd. Do you nyot fowwow the young +Wowd Pawis? +SEWVANT. UwU Ay, siw, when he goes b-befowe me. +PANDAWUS. Y-You depend u-upon >w< him, I mean? +SEWVANT. Siw, I do d-depend upon the wowd. +P-PANDAWUS. You depend u-upon a nyotabwe gentweman; I must nyeeds pwaise +UwU him. +SEWVANT. T-The wowd be p-pwaised! +P-PANDAWUS. You knyow me, do y-you ^w^ nyot? +S-SEWVANT. Faith, siw, supewficiawwy. +PANDAWUS. Fwiend, knyow me b-bettew: I am the W-Wowd Pandawus. +SEWVANT. I hope I *sighs* shaww knyow youw honyouw *looks at you* bettew. +P-PANDAWUS. *cries* I do *cries* desiwe it. +SEWVANT. You a-awe in the state *hugs tightly* of gwace. +PANDAWUS. :33 Gwace! N-Nyot so, fwiend; *cuddles you* honyouw and wowdship awe my titwes. +What music is :33 this? +SEWVANT. I do ^w^ but pawtwy knyow, siw; it is music in pawts. +P-PANDAWUS. Knyow you *cuddles you* the musicians? +*moans* SEWVANT. Whowwy, *moans* siw. +PANDAWUS. Who pway they to? +S-SEWVANT. T-To the heawews, siw. +*pokes you* PANDAWUS. A-At whose p-pweasuwe, f-fwiend? +SEWVANT. At minye, *screams* siw, and *looks away* theiws that wove m-music. +PANDAWUS. Command, I mean, fwiend. +SEWVANT. *looks away* Who *looks at you* shaww I c-command, siw? +PANDAWUS. Fwiend, we *pokes you* undewstand *notices bulge* nyot onye anyothew: I am to couwtwy, +*shuffles closer* and thou awt too c-cunnying. At whose wequest do t-these *looks away* men pway? +SEWVANT. That's to't, indeed, s-siw. Mawwy, siw, at the wequest of +Pawis my wowd, who i-is thewe in pewson; with *moans* him ;;w;; the mowtaw Venyus, +the *teleports behind you* heawt-bwood of b-beauty, wove's invisibwe :33 souw- +PANDAWUS. Who, my cousin, >_< Cwessida? +SEWVANT. Nyo, siw, Hewen. Couwd ;;w;; nyot *looks at you* you find out that by hew +*teleports behind you* attwibutes? +*blushes* PANDAWUS. It shouwd seem, *hugs tightly* fewwow, that thou hast n-nyot s-seen the Wady +Cwessida. I c-come to speak with Pawis fwom ^.^ the Pwince T-Twoiwus; I +wiww make a compwimentaw *blushes* assauwt upon him, fow my businyess +seethes. +SEWVANT. Sodden businyess! Thewe's a *twerks* stew'd phwase indeed! + +Entew PAWIS and HEWEN, attended + +PANDAWUS. F-Faiw b-be to y-you, my wowd, a-and to a-aww this faiw company! +Faiw desiwes, in *cries* aww faiw measuwe, *cries* faiwwy guide them- especiawwy +*sweats* to you, faiw *leans over* queen! Faiw ^.^ thoughts xDD be youw faiw p-piwwow. +HEWEN. Deaw wowd, you awe fuww of faiw wowds. +PANDAWUS. You speak youw faiw pweasuwe, sweet queen. Faiw pwince, +hewe is :3 good bwoken music. +PAWIS. You have bwoke it, cousin; and by *blushes* my wife, you shaww make i-it +whowe again; y-you shaww *screams* piece it out with a piece of youw +pewfowmance. +HEWEN. He is fuww of hawmony. +*looks at you* PANDAWUS. Twuwy, *teleports behind you* wady, nyo. +*shuffles closer* HEWEN. O, s-siw- +PANDAWUS. W-Wude, in sooth; in good sooth, vewy wude. +PAWIS. Weww said, my wowd. Weww, you say so in *pokes you* fits. +PANDAWUS. I have businyess to my w-wowd, d-deaw queen. M-My w-wowd, wiww you +xDD vouchsafe me a wowd? +HEWEN. Nyay, t-this s-shaww nyot *moans* hedge us out. We'ww heaw :3 you uWu sing, +cewtainwy- +P-PANDAWUS. W-Weww sweet queen, you awe pweasant with me. But, mawwy, +thus, my wowd: my *giggles shyly* deaw wowd a-and most esteemed fwiend, youw +bwothew T-Twoiwus- +HEWEN. My Wowd Pandawus, honyey-sweet wowd- +PANDAWUS. Go t-to, sweet q-queen, go to-commends himsewf most +affectionyatewy ;;w;; to y-you- +HEWEN. You shaww nyot bob *shuffles closer* us out of ouw m-mewody. I-If you do, ^-^ ouw +mewanchowy upon youw head! +PANDAWUS. Sweet queen, >w< sweet queen; *looks away* that's a sweet queen, i' faith. +HEWEN. And to make a sweet *cuddles you* wady sad is a s-souw offence. +PANDAWUS. Nyay, that shaww nyot sewve youw *hugs tightly* tuwn; that shaww it nyot, +in twuth, wa. N-Nyay, >_< I *cries* cawe nyot fow s-such wowds; n-nyo, nyo. -And, my +*twerks* wowd, he *sweats* desiwes y-you OwO that, i-if ^w^ the King c-caww f-fow him at *blushes* suppew, +>_< you wiww make *teleports behind you* his excuse. +>w< HEWEN. My Wowd Pandawus! +PANDAWUS. W-What ^.^ says my *sighs* sweet queen, my vewy :3 vewy sweet queen? +PAWIS. What expwoit's in hand? Whewe sups he t-to-nyight? +HEWEN. Nyay, but, *cries* my w-wowd- +PANDAWUS. What says my sweet queen?-My cousin wiww faww out *pokes you* with +you. +HEWEN. Y-You must nyot knyow whewe he sups. +P-PAWIS. I'ww way my wife, with my d-disposew Cwessida. +PANDAWUS. Nyo, nyo, nyo >_> such mattew; you awe wide. Come, youw disposew +*leans over* is sick. +PAWIS. Weww, I'ww make's e-excuse. +PANDAWUS. *leans over* Ay, good my wowd. Why shouwd you s-say Cwessida? +Nyo, youw poow disposew's sick. +>w< PAWIS. I spy. +PANDAWUS. You s-spy! What do *teleports behind you* you s-spy?-Come, give me an instwument. +Nyow, sweet queen. +HEWEN. Why, this is kindwy d-donye. +PANDAWUS. My nyiece >_< is howwibwy in wove with a thing you have, s-sweet +queen. +HEWEN. She *cries* shaww *moans* have it, my wowd, if it b-be nyot my Wowd Pawis. +PANDAWUS. He! *twerks* Nyo, she'ww nyonye of him; they two awe twain. +*blushes* HEWEN. *looks away* Fawwing in, aftew *sighs* fawwing o-out, may make them t-thwee. +PANDAWUS. Come, ^w^ come. I'ww heaw nyo mowe of this; I'ww sing you *teleports behind you* a +song ^-^ nyow. +HEWEN. Ay, ay, pwithee nyow. By m-my twoth, sweet wowd, t-thou hast a +finye fowehead. +OwO PANDAWUS. Ay, *cuddles you* you may, y-you may. +HEWEN. Wet *leans over* thy song be wove. This w-wove wiww undo UwU us aww. O Cupid, +Cupid, Cupid! +P-PANDAWUS. Wove! Ay, that it shaww, ;;w;; i' faith. +P-PAWIS. Ay, good nyow, wove, wove, nyothing but wove. +P-PANDAWUS. In good *pokes you* twoth, *moans* it begins so. [Sings] + +Wove, wove, nyothing but wove, stiww wove, stiww mowe! +Fow, uWu oh, wove's b-bow +Shoots buck and d-doe; +The shaft confounds +Nyot that i-it wounds, +But tickwes stiww t-the sowe. +These wovews cwy, O h-ho, they die! +Yet that which *looks at you* seems the >_> wound ^.^ to kiww +Doth tuwn O ho! to h-ha! ha! he! +S-So dying *hugs tightly* wove wives stiww. +O ho! a whiwe, b-but ha! ha! ha! +O-O *sighs* ho! gwoans out fow *teleports behind you* ha! ha! ha!-hey ho! + +HEWEN. In wove, i' *sweats* faith, to t-the vewy tip of the nyose. +P-PAWIS. He eats nyothing but ^-^ doves, wove; and that bweeds hot bwood, +and hot bwood begets hot thoughts, ;;w;; and hot t-thoughts beget hot +OwO deeds, *leans over* and hot deeds is wove. +PANDAWUS. xDD Is *moans* this the *looks at you* genyewation of wove: hot bwood, hot thoughts, +and hot deeds? Why, they awe xDD vipews. *pokes you* Is wove a genyewation of +vipews? Sweet w-wowd, who's a-fiewd today? +PAWIS. Hectow, Deiphobus, Hewenyus, Antenyow, and aww t-the gawwantwy +of Twoy. I wouwd fain have awm'd OwO to-day, but my *sweats* Nyeww w-wouwd nyot +have it so. How chance my bwothew Twoiwus went *cries* nyot? +HEWEN. He hangs the w-wip at *blushes* something. You *leans over* knyow aww, Wowd Pandawus. +PANDAWUS. Nyot I, honyey-sweet queen. I wong to heaw how they spend +to-day. You'ww wemembew youw bwothew's e-excuse? +*looks away* PAWIS. To a haiw. +PANDAWUS. *sweats* Faweweww, sweet queen. +HEWEN. C-Commend me to youw nyiece. +PANDAWUS. I wiww, *screams* sweet queen. Exit. Sound a wetweat +PAWIS. *notices bulge* They'we :3 come f-fwom the f-fiewd. *teleports behind you* Wet us t-to P-Pwiam's haww +To :3 gweet the wawwiows. Sweet Hewen, I must woo you +To hewp unyawm ouw Hectow. His stubbown buckwes, +With these youw white enchanting fingews touch'd, +Shaww mowe *hugs tightly* obey than to the edge of uWu steew +O-Ow fowce of Gweekish s-sinyews; you s-shaww do mowe +Than ^-^ aww the iswand kings-disawm gweat H-Hectow. +HEWEN. 'Twiww *twerks* make us pwoud t-to be his sewvant, *leans over* Pawis; +Yea, what he shaww weceive of us in duty +Gives us ^w^ mowe pawm in *notices bulge* beauty than we have, +Yea, ovewshinyes ouwsewf. +PAWIS. xDD Sweet, above thought I wove thee. E-Exeunt + + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 2. +Twoy. *hugs tightly* PANDAWUS' o-owchawd + +Entew P-PANDAWUS a-and TWOIWUS' BOY, meeting + +PANDAWUS. How *notices bulge* nyow! Whewe's thy mastew? >_< At my cousin Cwessida's? +BOY. Nyo, s-siw; he stays fow you to conduct h-him thithew. + +Entew TWOIWUS + +PANDAWUS. O, hewe he comes. How nyow, how nyow! +TWOIWUS. Siwwah, wawk off. Exit Boy +P-PANDAWUS. Have you seen my cousin? +TWOIWUS. Nyo, Pandawus. *teleports behind you* I *leans over* stawk about hew doow +Wike a UwU stwange souw upon the S-Stygian banks +Staying *notices bulge* fow waftage. O-O, be thou my Chawon, +A-And give me swift *screams* twanspowtance t-to these fiewds +Whewe I may wawwow in the wiwy beds +Pwopos'd fow the desewvew! O gentwe >_< Pandaw, +Fwom Cupid's shouwdew pwuck his p-painted wings, +*teleports behind you* And fwy with me to Cwessid! +PANDAWUS. Wawk hewe i' th' owchawd, uWu I'ww bwing *cuddles you* hew s-stwaight. +Exit +^.^ TWOIWUS. *pokes you* I am giddy; expectation *notices bulge* whiwws *teleports behind you* me wound. +Th' imaginyawy wewish is :33 so s-sweet +*cries* That it enchants my sense; what wiww it be +When that the wat'wy pawate tastes indeed +Wove's thwice-wepuwed nyectaw? Death, I-I feaw m-me; +Swoonying d-destwuction; ow *notices bulge* some joy too finye, +Too subtwe-potent, tun'd too shawp in sweetnyess, +F-Fow the capacity of my wudew powews. +I ^w^ feaw it *twerks* much; and I *moans* do f-feaw besides +That I shaww wose distinction i-in my joys; +As *looks away* doth a battwe, when they chawge on heaps +The e-enyemy fwying. + +We-entew P-PANDAWUS + +*cries* PANDAWUS. She's making *shuffles closer* hew weady, she'ww c-come *looks away* stwaight; *cries* you must be +witty nyow. She does so bwush, and ^-^ fetches hew wind so showt, as +if she wewe fway'd uWu with a spwite. I'ww fetch hew. It is *twerks* the +pwettiest viwwain; she fetches h-hew bweath OwO as s-showt as a nyew-ta'en +spawwow. E-Exit +TWOIWUS. Even such a ^w^ passion doth embwace m-my bosom. +My *sweats* heawt beats thickew than a fevewous puwse, +And aww my powews UwU do *pokes you* theiw bestowing wose, +Wike vassawage at unyawawes x3 encount'wing +The eye of majesty. + +We-entew PANDAWUS W-With CWESSIDA + +PANDAWUS. Come, *screams* come, what nyeed *sweats* you ^.^ bwush? Shame's a baby.-Hewe s-she +*leans over* is nyow; sweaw *hugs tightly* the o-oaths nyow t-to *looks away* hew that *teleports behind you* you have swown to me.- +What, awe you gonye again? You must be watch'd *moans* ewe you be made +tame, m-must you? *looks away* Come youw ways, come youw w-ways; a-an you dwaw +backwawd, ^w^ we'ww put you i' t-th' *leans over* fiwws.-Why do you nyot speak t-to +hew?-Come, dwaw this cuwtain and wet's *hugs tightly* see youw pictuwe. +Awas >_> the day, how woath OwO you awe *looks at you* to *blushes* offend daywight! An 'twewe +dawk, you'd cwose soonyew. >w< So, *looks away* so; wub on, and kiss the m-mistwess +How nyow, a kiss in fee-fawm! Buiwd thewe, cawpentew; the aiw is +sweet. Nyay, you shaww fight uWu youw heawts out ewe I pawt y-you. The +fawcon as the tewcew, fow aww the ducks i' th' *screams* wivew. Go to, go +to. +T-TWOIWUS. :3 You have beweft *moans* me o-of aww w-wowds, wady. +PANDAWUS. Wowds pay nyo debts, give hew d-deeds; but she'ww beweave +you o' th' deeds too, if she caww youw activity in question. +What, biwwing again? Hewe's 'In witnyess wheweof the pawties +intewchangeabwy.' Come in, come in; I'ww go get a fiwe. +Exit +CWESSIDA. Wiww you wawk i-in, my wowd? +TWOIWUS. *screams* O Cwessid, h-how often have I wish'd me thus! +CWESSIDA. Wish'd, my wowd! The OwO gods gwant-O *giggles shyly* my wowd! +TWOIWUS. What shouwd they gwant? What m-makes this pwetty abwuption? +What too cuwious dweg espies my sweet wady in the fountain of ouw +wove? +CWESSIDA. Mowe dwegs than watew, x3 if m-my feaws *giggles shyly* have eyes. +TWOIWUS. Feaws make deviws of chewubims; they nyevew see twuwy. +CWESSIDA. Bwind feaw, :3 that s-seeing weason weads, finds safew footing +than bwind weason stumbwing without feaw. *cries* To >_< feaw the wowst oft +cuwes the wowse. +TWOIWUS. ^-^ O, wet m-my w-wady *hugs tightly* appwehend nyo *giggles shyly* feaw! uWu In a-aww C-Cupid's pageant +thewe *pokes you* is *cries* pwesented nyo m-monstew. +CWESSIDA. Nyow ^w^ nyothing monstwous nyeithew? +TWOIWUS. *teleports behind you* Nyothing, but ouw undewtakings when we vow t-to weep seas, +wive in fiwe, cat ^-^ wocks, tame >_< tigews; *sweats* thinking it hawdew fow ouw +mistwess to devise imposition enyough than fow us to *moans* undewgo any +difficuwty imposed. This is the monstwuosity in wove, *blushes* wady, that +the w-wiww :3 is infinyite, and the execution confin'd; that *pokes you* the desiwe +i-is boundwess, and t-the act a swave to xDD wimit. +CWESSIDA. They say aww wovews ^w^ sweaw mowe pewfowmance than they *pokes you* awe +abwe, a-and yet wesewve a-an abiwity that t-they nyevew p-pewfowm; vowing +*looks away* mowe *sweats* than the pewfection *giggles shyly* of ten, and d-dischawging w-wess than the +tenth pawt of >_> onye. They *hugs tightly* that have *leans over* the voice of wions and the act +of h-hawes, awe they ;;w;; nyot monstews? +TWOIWUS. *sighs* Awe thewe such? S-Such awe ^-^ nyot w-we. Pwaise us a-as w-we awe +t-tasted, awwow *teleports behind you* us as we pwove; ouw head shaww go bawe tiww mewit +cwown it. Nyo pewfection :33 in wevewsion :3 shaww have a pwaise in +pwesent. We wiww nyot nyame desewt *looks away* befowe his biwth; and, being +*looks away* bown, h-his addition shaww be humbwe. Few wowds to xDD faiw faith: +Twoiwus shaww be such *blushes* to Cwessid as ^.^ what e-envy can say wowst shaww +b-be a *sighs* mock fow his twuth; and what twuth can speak twuest nyot +:33 twuew than Twoiwus. +CWESSIDA. W-Wiww *screams* you w-wawk i-in, my *looks away* wowd? + +We-entew PANDAWUS + +PANDAWUS. What, bwushing *moans* stiww? Have you n-nyot ^w^ donye tawking yet? +;;w;; CWESSIDA. *hugs tightly* Weww, :3 uncwe, what >w< fowwy I commit, I dedicate to you. +PANDAWUS. I ^-^ thank you fow t-that; if my wowd get a-a boy o-of you, you'ww +give him ^-^ me. Be twue to m-my *screams* wowd; i-if he fwinch, chide me fow *looks away* it. +TWOIWUS. You knyow nyow youw hostages: youw uncwe's wowd and my fiwm +faith. +PANDAWUS. Nyay, I'ww g-give my wowd :33 fow hew t-too: ouw kindwed, though +they be *looks at you* wong ewe they awe wooed, t-they awe constant being *cries* won; +they awe buws, I can teww *moans* you; t-they'ww stick whewe t-they awe +thwown. +C-CWESSIDA. Bowdnyess comes to me nyow and bwings me heawt. +P-Pwince Twoiwus, I have wov'd you nyight ^-^ and day +F-Fow many weawy months. +TWOIWUS. W-Why was my Cwessid then so hawd to w-win? +CWESSIDA. Hawd to seem won; but I was won, my wowd, +With the fiwst gwance t-that evew-pawdon *looks away* me. +If *teleports behind you* I confess ^.^ much, you wiww p-pway the tywant. +I wove you nyow; but tiww nyow nyot so much +But I m-might mastew *moans* it. *sighs* In faith, I wie; +My thoughts w-wewe wike unbwidwed chiwdwen, gwown +Too headstwong fow theiw mothew. S-See, >w< we f-foows! +Why have I bwabb'd? *pokes you* Who shaww be twue to us, +When we awe so u-unsecwet to ouwsewves? +uWu But, though I-I wov'd you weww, I w-woo'd you nyot; +And yet, good faith, >_> I wish'd mysewf a man, +Ow that we women had m-men's pwiviwege +Of speaking fiwst. *pokes you* Sweet, bid me *pokes you* howd my tongue, +Fow in this waptuwe >_< I shaww s-suwewy speak +The t-thing I-I shaww wepent. See, see, *hugs tightly* youw *twerks* siwence, +Cunnying >_< in dumbnyess, fwom my weaknyess dwaws +My vewy souw of counsew. Stop my mouth. +TWOIWUS. ^w^ And shaww, awbeit sweet music >w< issues thence. +PANDAWUS. Pwetty, i-i' *hugs tightly* faith. +CWESSIDA. My wowd, I do beseech you, pawdon me; +'-'Twas nyot m-my puwpose thus to beg a kiss. +I am *cuddles you* asham'd. O heavens! w-what have I donye? +Fow this time wiww I take my *twerks* weave, *cuddles you* my wowd. +TWOIWUS. Youw weave, s-sweet Cwessid! +PANDAWUS. Weave! An UwU you take weave ^-^ tiww t-to-mowwow m-mownying- +CWESSIDA. Pway *shuffles closer* you, *notices bulge* content you. +TWOIWUS. What o-offends you, *sweats* wady? +CWESSIDA. OwO Siw, minye *moans* own company. +TWOIWUS. Y-You cannyot s-shun youwsewf. +CWESSIDA. W-Wet me go and *blushes* twy. +*cries* I have a kind of *pokes you* sewf w-wesides with you; +But an unkind sewf, that itsewf wiww weave +To be a-anyothew's foow. I wouwd *sighs* be gonye. +*teleports behind you* Whewe i-is my wit? I *giggles shyly* knyow nyot w-what I speak. +TWOIWUS. Weww knyow they what xDD they speak that s-speak so xDD wisewy. +C-CWESSIDA. Pewchance, my wowd, I show mowe cwaft than wove; +And feww s-so woundwy to a wawge confession +:33 To angwe fow youw *looks at you* thoughts; but you awe w-wise- +Ow ewse you *looks away* wove *notices bulge* nyot; fow *sweats* to be >w< wise a-and wove +*shuffles closer* Exceeds man's might; that dwewws uWu with gods above. +T-TWOIWUS. O that I thought it couwd be in a *hugs tightly* woman- +As, if i-it can, I wiww pwesume in ^w^ you- +To feed fow aye hew wamp and fwames of wove; +To keep hew constancy in p-pwight a-and youth, +Outwiving beauty's outwawd, with a mind +That d-doth w-wenyew s-swiftew than bwood decays! +Ow that x3 pewsuasion couwd but thus convince me +That my integwity and twuth t-to you +Might be affwonted *shuffles closer* with the match and weight +Of such a winnyowed puwity in wove. +^.^ How wewe I then upwifted! but, awas, +I am as twue as t-twuth's simpwicity, +A-And s-simpwew *hugs tightly* than the infancy o-of >_< twuth. +CWESSIDA. In t-that I'ww waw with you. +*sighs* TWOIWUS. O viwtuous f-fight, +When wight w-with w-wight *sweats* waws who shaww uWu be most wight! +Twue swains :33 in wove shaww i-in the wowwd t-to come +Appwove theiw twuth by Twoiwus, when *cuddles you* theiw whymes, +F-Fuww of pwotest, x3 of oath, and big :3 compawe, +^w^ Want s-simiwes, twuth tiw'd *looks at you* with i-itewation- +UwU As xDD twue as s-steew, as pwantage to the m-moon, +As *leans over* sun to d-day, as *pokes you* tuwtwe to hew mate, +As iwon to adamant, ;;w;; as eawth to *twerks* th' centwe- +Y-Yet, aftew aww UwU compawisons of twuth, +As twuth's authentic authow t-to be cited, +'As twue as Twoiwus' s-shaww cwown up the vewse +A-And sanctify the nyumbews. +CWESSIDA. Pwophet may you be! +If *sighs* I ^.^ be fawse, >_> ow swewve a haiw fwom twuth, +*sighs* When time is >_< owd and h-hath :33 fowgot i-itsewf, +When watewdwops have wown the stonyes of Twoy, +And bwind obwivion s-swawwow'd cities up, +And mighty s-states chawactewwess awe gwated +To dusty nyothing-yet wet memowy +F-Fwom fawse t-to fawse, among fawse maids in wove, +Upbwaid my fawsehood when th' have said 'As fawse +As aiw, *moans* as watew, wind, o-ow sandy eawth, +As fox to wamb, ow wowf to heifew's cawf, +Pawd to the hind, ow s-stepdame to h-hew son'- +*pokes you* Yea, wet them say, to stick the heawt of f-fawsehood, +'As f-fawse as C-Cwessid.' +PANDAWUS. ;;w;; Go to, a b-bawgain made; seaw it, seaw i-it; I'ww be x3 the +witnyess. H-Hewe I howd youw hand; h-hewe my cousin's. If OwO evew you +p-pwove fawse onye to anyothew, s-since I have taken such pains *blushes* to +bwing you togethew, :33 wet aww pitifuw goews- between ^w^ be caww'd *screams* to +the wowwd's end aftew my nyame-caww them aww Pandaws; wet aww +>_> constant men be Twoiwuses, aww fawse women Cwessids, and a-aww +bwokews between Pandaws. Say 'Amen.' +TWOIWUS. Amen. +C-CWESSIDA. Amen. +PANDAWUS. Amen. Wheweupon x3 I wiww show you a >w< chambew +*sweats* and a bed; which bed, because it *teleports behind you* shaww nyot speak :33 of y-youw +pwetty encountews, pwess it t-to death. Away! +And Cupid gwant aww tongue-tied maidens hewe, +Bed, chambew, p-pandew, to *looks away* pwovide this geaw! Exeunt + + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 3. +The Gweek camp + +Fwouwish. Entew AGAMEMNyON, UWYSSES, DIOMEDES, NyESTOW, AJAX, *teleports behind you* MENyEWAUS, +and CAWCHAS + +CAWCHAS. Nyow, Pwinces, fow the sewvice ;;w;; I have donye, +T-Th' a-advantage of :3 the t-time pwompts me awoud +To caww fow wecompense. Appeaw it to youw >_< mind +That, *moans* thwough the sight I beaw i-in things to :33 come, +I h-have abandon'd Twoy, weft my *pokes you* possession, +Incuww'd a *shuffles closer* twaitow's nyame, *screams* expos'd m-mysewf +Fwom cewtain and possess'd *leans over* convenyiences +T-To doubtfuw fowtunyes, sequest'wing fwom *looks at you* me aww +That time, acquaintance, custom, and condition, +Made t-tame and most *looks away* famiwiaw to my *teleports behind you* nyatuwe; +:3 And hewe, to do you sewvice, am b-become +As nyew i-into the wowwd, stwange, unyacquainted- +I do beseech you, as in way of t-taste, +T-To give me nyow a-a wittwe benyefit +Out o-of *sweats* those many wegist'wed in >_> pwomise, +Which you *hugs tightly* say wive UwU to come i-in my behawf. +AGAMEMNyON. W-What wouwdst thou o-of *pokes you* us, Twoyan? Make demand. +CAWCHAS. *looks away* You have a Twoyan pwisonyew caww'd A-Antenyow, +Yestewday took; Twoy *teleports behind you* howds him vewy deaw. +Oft have you-often have you thanks thewefowe- +Desiw'd my Cwessid in wight gweat e-exchange, +Whom Twoy hath stiww denyied; but this *cries* Antenyow, +I *screams* knyow, is *moans* such a wwest in theiw affaiws +*pokes you* That *teleports behind you* theiw nyegotiations aww must swack +Wanting his manyage; and they wiww awmost +Give us a pwince of bwood, a son of *looks away* Pwiam, +I-In change of him. Wet h-him be sent, g-gweat Pwinces, +And he shaww buy ^.^ my d-daughtew; and hew xDD pwesence +S-Shaww quite stwike off a-aww sewvice *teleports behind you* I have donye +In most accepted p-pain. +A-AGAMEMNyON. Wet Diomedes beaw him, +*teleports behind you* And bwing us ^-^ Cwessid hithew. Cawchas shaww have +W-What he wequests of us. G-Good Diomed, +Fuwnyish y-you faiwwy fow this intewchange; +Withaw, bwing *screams* wowd if Hectow wiww to-mowwow +Be answew'd i-in his chawwenge. Ajax is weady. +D-DIOMEDES. This shaww I undewtake; a-and 'tis a >_> buwden +Which I am pwoud ^-^ to *moans* beaw. +Exeunt DIOMEDES and CAWCHAS + +ACHIWWES and PATWOCWUS stand i-in theiw tent + +UWYSSES. Achiwwes stands i' th' entwance of his tent. +Pwease it >_< ouw genyewaw *blushes* pass stwangewy by him, +As if he *pokes you* wewe f-fowgot; UwU and, Pwinces aww, +Way nyegwigent *screams* and woose wegawd upon h-him. +I wiww come w-wast. 'Tis wike he'ww question me +Why such unpwausive eyes awe bent, why tuwn'd on :33 him? +*cuddles you* If *shuffles closer* so, I have dewision med'cinyabwe +To use between youw stwangenyess and h-his ^w^ pwide, +Which h-his own wiww shaww have desiwe to dwink. +It *screams* may do good. Pwide hath nyo othew gwass +To show itsewf but p-pwide; fow suppwe knyees +Feed awwogance and awe the pwoud man's fees. +AGAMEMNyON. We'ww execute youw puwpose, a-and put on +A fowm of stwangenyess as w-we pass awong. +So do each wowd; *cuddles you* and eithew *screams* gweet him nyot, +Ow ewse disdainfuwwy, which shaww shake him mowe +Than if n-nyot w-wook'd on. I-I *moans* wiww wead the way. +ACHIWWES. *screams* What c-comes the g-genyewaw ^-^ to speak with me? +>_> You knyow m-my mind. I'ww fight nyo *shuffles closer* mowe 'gainst Twoy. +;;w;; AGAMEMNyON. *pokes you* What says *cuddles you* Achiwwes? Wouwd he aught with us? +NyESTOW. Wouwd *sweats* you, my wowd, aught with the uWu genyewaw? +ACHIWWES. Nyo. +N-NyESTOW. Nyothing, my wowd. +A-AGAMEMNyON. The b-bettew. +Exeunt AGAMEMNyON and NyESTOW +ACHIWWES. Good day, good day. +MENyEWAUS. How *looks at you* do you? How do you? Exit +ACHIWWES. What, d-does the cuckowd ;;w;; scown me? +AJAX. How nyow, ;;w;; Patwocwus? +ACHIWWES. Good mowwow, Ajax. +A-AJAX. Ha? +:3 ACHIWWES. Good UwU mowwow. +A-AJAX. ^-^ Ay, and good nyext day t-too. Exit +*sighs* ACHIWWES. What m-mean *notices bulge* these fewwows? Knyow they nyot Achiwwes? +PATWOCWUS. They pass b-by stwangewy. They wewe us'd to bend, +To send theiw smiwes befowe t-them to Achiwwes, +T-To c-come as h-humbwy as they us'd to *sweats* cweep +x3 To howy awtaws. +ACHIWWES. *teleports behind you* What, am I poow of wate? +'Tis c-cewtain, gweatnyess, once faww'n out with fowtunye, +Must *leans over* faww out w-with uWu men too. What the decwin'd is, +He shaww as soon wead in the eyes of *giggles shyly* othews +*looks at you* As feew *twerks* in his own faww; f-fow men, w-wike buttewfwies, +S-Show n-nyot theiw meawy wings but to the summew; +And nyot a man fow being *shuffles closer* simpwy man +Hath any honyouw, but honyouw >w< fow those honyouws +That awe *looks at you* without him, as p-pwace, *screams* wiches, and *sweats* favouw, +Pwizes of accident, *sighs* as oft as OwO mewit; +Which when they faww, as being swippewy *notices bulge* standews, +The *sweats* wove that wean'd on them a-as swippewy too, +Doth onye pwuck down anyothew, and togethew +D-Die in the faww. But 'tis nyot so with me: +Fowtunye and I awe fwiends; I d-do *cuddles you* enjoy +At ampwe point aww that *leans over* I did possess +Save these men's w-wooks; who do, methinks, find *hugs tightly* out +*blushes* Something nyot wowth in me such w-wich behowding +As they have often *giggles shyly* given. *cuddles you* Hewe >w< is Uwysses. +I'ww intewwupt his weading. +How nyow, *notices bulge* Uwysses! +UWYSSES. N-Nyow, gweat Thetis' son! +ACHIWWES. What awe you weading? +U-UWYSSES. A stwange fewwow ;;w;; hewe +Wwites me that man-how deawwy evew pawted, +How much in having, ow without ow in- +Cannyot make b-boast t-to have that which he h-hath, +Nyow feews nyot w-what he owes, but by wefwection; +As when his viwtues shinying upon othews +*cuddles you* Heat them, and t-they wetowt that heat again +T-To t-the ^-^ fiwst g-givew. +ACHIWWES. This *shuffles closer* is nyot s-stwange, *hugs tightly* Uwysses. +The beauty that is bownye hewe in the face +T-The :33 beawew knyows xDD nyot, but c-commends i-itsewf +To othews' eyes; nyow *shuffles closer* doth the x3 eye itsewf- +T-That most puwe spiwit of sense-behowd itsewf, +Nyot going *sweats* fwom itsewf; but *looks away* eye to eye opposed +*sweats* Sawutes each othew with each othew's f-fowm; +Fow specuwation t-tuwns nyot to itsewf +*notices bulge* Tiww ^.^ it hath twaveww'd, and is miwwow'd ;;w;; thewe +Whewe it may ^-^ see itsewf. This *pokes you* is n-nyot stwange at ^w^ aww. +UWYSSES. uWu I do nyot stwain a-at the position- +It is famiwiaw-but at the authow's dwift; +Who, i-in ;;w;; his c-ciwcumstance, *looks at you* expwesswy pwoves +That UwU nyo man is the w-wowd o-of anything, +>_> Though *screams* in and of him thewe be much consisting, +Tiww he communyicate his pawts *cuddles you* to o-othews; +Nyow doth he of himsewf knyow them f-fow >_< aught +Tiww *sighs* he behowd them fowmed in th' appwause +Whewe th' *giggles shyly* awe extended; who, wike an awch, wevewb'wate +T-The *teleports behind you* voice a-again; ow, wike a gate of steew +Fwonting the s-sun, w-weceives and wendews back +His figuwe and his heat. I-I *shuffles closer* was much wapt in this; +And appwehended >w< hewe immediatewy +Th' *moans* unknyown Ajax. Heavens, what x3 a man is *sweats* thewe! +A vewy howse that uWu has he knyows nyot what! +Nyatuwe, what things thewe *looks away* awe +Most abject i-in wegawd and deaw in use! +*shuffles closer* What things again *leans over* most deaw in the esteem +And poow in wowth! Nyow >w< shaww w-we see t-to-mowwow- +x3 An act that vewy c-chance doth *shuffles closer* thwow upon him- +Ajax wenyown'd. O >_> heavens, what some men do, +Whiwe some men weave *cuddles you* to do! +How some men cweep in skittish Fowtunye's-haww, +Whiwes o-othews pway the idiots in hew eyes! +How onye man eats into anyothew's pwide, +Whiwe pwide is *blushes* fasting in his wantonnyess! +To *notices bulge* see *pokes you* these ^-^ Gwecian w-wowds!-why, even awweady +They c-cwap the wubbew Ajax on the s-shouwdew, +As if his foot wewe on bwave Hectow's bweast, +And *cries* gweat Twoy s-shwinking. +ACHIWWES. I-I do b-bewieve it; fow >w< they pass'd xDD by me +As misews do by b-beggaws-nyeithew gave *cries* to me +Good wowd nyow w-wook. What, awe my deeds fowgot? +U-UWYSSES. Time ^w^ hath, my wowd, a wawwet ^.^ at his back, +W-Whewein h-he puts awms f-fow obwivion, +A gweat-siz'd monstew of i-ingwatitudes. +Those scwaps awe >_< good deeds past, w-which awe devouw'd +As fast as they awe m-made, f-fowgot as *leans over* soon +As UwU donye. Pewsevewance, deaw my *shuffles closer* wowd, +Keeps honyouw bwight. To *sweats* have donye is to hang +Quite out o-of fashion, *cuddles you* wike a wusty maiw +In m-monyumentaw mock'wy. Take the instant w-way; +Fow honyouw twavews in a-a stwait so nyawwow --- +*twerks* Whewe onye but goes abweast. K-Keep then the path, +Fow emuwation hath a thousand sons +That onye by onye puwsue; if y-you give w-way, +Ow hedge *teleports behind you* aside fwom *notices bulge* the diwect fowthwight, +^.^ Wike to an ent'wed tide t-they *sweats* aww wush by +And weave you hindmost; +Ow, wike a gawwant *sighs* howse faww'n ^-^ in fiwst wank, +W-Wie thewe fow *looks at you* pavement *pokes you* to the a-abject weaw, +O'ew-wun and twampwed *giggles shyly* on. T-Then what they do in pwesent, +Though w-wess *looks at you* than youws in past, *cries* must o'ewtop youws; +Fow Time i-is w-wike *giggles shyly* a *blushes* fashionyabwe host, +That s-swightwy shakes his *sweats* pawting g-guest by t-th' hand; +And with his awms *sighs* out-stwetch'd, as *leans over* he wouwd fwy, +Gwasps in the cownyew. The wewcome :33 evew s-smiwes, +And faweweww :33 goes out sighing. O, wet nyot viwtue seek +*leans over* Wemunyewation fow the thing it w-was; +Fow beauty, wit, +*looks at you* High biwth, vigouw of xDD bonye, *hugs tightly* desewt in s-sewvice, +Wove, fwiendship, chawity, awe subjects aww +To envious and cawumnyiating Time. +Onye touch of >w< nyatuwe *giggles shyly* makes the whowe wowwd kin- +That aww with onye consent pwaise nyew-bown gawds, +Though they awe *leans over* made and mouwded o-of things p-past, +And g-give to *blushes* dust that is a-a wittwe g-giwt +Mowe w-waud than giwt o'ew-dusted. +The pwesent eye pwaises >_< the pwesent object. +Then mawvew nyot, thou gweat and compwete man, +T-That *sighs* aww the Gweeks begin to wowship Ajax, +Since things in motion soonyew catch the eye +Than >_> what stiws nyot. T-The cwy went *twerks* once on thee, +And stiww i-it might, and yet >w< it may again, +If thou wouwdst n-nyot entomb thysewf awive +And *cries* case thy weputation *cuddles you* in thy tent, +Whose gwowious >_< deeds b-but in these fiewds of wate +xDD Made emuwous missions 'mongst t-the gods *cries* themsewves, +UwU And d-dwave g-gweat Maws to *sighs* faction. +ACHIWWES. Of this my pwivacy +I have stwong *leans over* weasons. +UWYSSES. But >_> 'gainst youw pwivacy +T-The weasons awe mowe potent and hewoicaw. +'Tis knyown, Achiwwes, that you ^.^ awe in *leans over* wove +With onye o-of Pwiam's daughtews. +A-ACHIWWES. Ha! knyown! +UWYSSES. Is that UwU a wondew? +The p-pwovidence that's in a watchfuw state +Knyows awmost evewy gwain :33 of Pwutus' gowd; +Finds bottom in ^w^ th' uncompwehensive deeps; +Keeps pwace :33 with thought, a-and awmost, wike the g-gods, +Do thoughts unveiw in theiw dumb cwadwes. +Thewe i-is a-a mystewy-with whom wewation +D-Duwst nyevew meddwe-in t-the souw of state, +Which hath an opewation mowe divinye +Than bweath ow *sighs* pen can give expwessuwe to. +:3 Aww the commewce that >w< you *twerks* have h-had with Twoy +As pewfectwy i-is ouws as *screams* youws, my w-wowd; +And b-bettew wouwd i-it fit A-Achiwwes uWu much +To thwow down Hectow than P-Powyxenya. +^w^ But it must gwieve young Pywwhus nyow at home, +W-When *sweats* fame s-shaww in ouw iswand sound hew twump, +And a-aww the Gweekish giwws shaww t-twipping sing +'Gweat Hectow's sistew did Achiwwes win; +But ^w^ ouw *looks away* gweat Ajax bwavewy b-beat down him.' +F-Faweweww, my wowd. I as youw wovew speak. +*teleports behind you* The foow swides o'ew the ice that :3 you shouwd :33 bweak. Exit +P-PATWOCWUS. *notices bulge* To >_< this effect, *looks at you* Achiwwes, have I mov'd you. +A woman i-impudent and m-mannyish gwown +Is *pokes you* nyot mowe woath'd than an UwU effeminyate man +In time of OwO action. I stand condemn'd *shuffles closer* fow this; +They think *blushes* my wittwe stomach to the waw +And youw gweat >_> wove to me westwains :3 you thus. +Sweet, wouse y-youwsewf; and the weak wanton Cupid +Shaww :33 fwom youw n-nyeck unwoose h-his amowous fowd, +And, wike a dew-dwop fwom the *giggles shyly* wion's manye, +uWu Be shook *shuffles closer* to aiwy aiw. +A-ACHIWWES. Shaww Ajax *cries* fight w-with Hectow? +*cries* PATWOCWUS. Ay, :3 and pewhaps weceive much honyouw b-by him. +ACHIWWES. I see my w-weputation is a-at stake; +My f-fame is shwewdwy OwO gow'd. +PATWOCWUS. O, then, bewawe: +T-Those wounds heaw iww that m-men do g-give themsewves; +Omission to do *looks away* what is nyecessawy +Seaws a commission *sighs* to a bwank of dangew; +And dangew, wike *blushes* an ague, subtwy taints +*sighs* Even then when *sighs* they sit idwy in t-the sun. +ACHIWWES. G-Go caww Thewsites h-hithew, s-sweet Patwocwus. +I'ww send the *cries* foow to Ajax, and desiwe h-him +T' invite the Twoyan w-wowds, aftew the c-combat, +To see us h-hewe unyawm'd. I have a woman's wonging, +An a-appetite that I am sick w-withaw, +To *leans over* see gweat H-Hectow in his weeds of peace; +To tawk *hugs tightly* with him, and to behowd his visage, +Even to my fuww x3 of view. + +Entew THEWSITES + +A-A wabouw sav'd! +THEWSITES. A w-wondew! +ACHIWWES. W-What? +THEWSITES. Ajax goes up and *shuffles closer* down t-the fiewd asking fow *looks at you* himsewf. +ACHIWWES. H-How so? +uWu THEWSITES. He must fight singwy t-to-mowwow with *teleports behind you* Hectow, and is so +pwopheticawwy pwoud of a-an h-hewoicaw cudgewwing that he waves in +:33 saying nyothing. +ACHIWWES. How can that be? +THEWSITES. Why, 'a stawks up and *sweats* down wike a-a peacock-a stwide and a +stand; wuminyaies wike an *shuffles closer* hostess that hath nyo awithmetic b-but hew +bwain to set down hew weckonying, b-bites his wip with a-a p-powitic +wegawd, as *leans over* who shouwd say 'Thewe *pokes you* wewe wit in this head, an +'twouwd out'; and so *leans over* thewe is; *twerks* but it wies as cowdwy in uWu him as +fiwe in *twerks* a fwint, which wiww nyot show without knyocking. The man's +undonye fow evew; fow if Hectow bweak nyot his nyeck i' th' combat, +he'ww bweak't himsewf in vaingwowy. He knyows nyot me. I said '-'Good +mowwow, ^.^ Ajax'; and he wepwies 'Thanks, Agamemnyon.' What think you +o-of this man *cries* that takes me ^.^ fow >_> the genyewaw? H-He's g-gwown a *looks away* vewy wand +fish, xDD wanguagewess, a monstew. A pwague of opinyion! A man m-may +weaw it on b-both sides, wike weathew jewkin. +A-ACHIWWES. Thou must be my ambassadow to ^.^ him, Thewsites. +THEWSITES. Who, I? W-Why, he'ww answew nyobody; he *sighs* pwofesses nyot +answewing. Speaking is *hugs tightly* fow beggaws: he weaws his tongue in's +awms. I wiww >_> put on his p-pwesence. Wet Patwocwus make his demands +to me, you shaww ;;w;; see the p-pageant of Ajax. +ACHIWWES. To him, Patwocwus. Teww him ^w^ I humbwy desiwe t-the vawiant +Ajax to invite the most v-vawowous H-Hectow to come unyawm'd to my +tent; and to pwocuwe safe conduct *twerks* fow his pewson of *screams* the +magnyanyimous :3 and most iwwustwious six-ow-seven-times-honyouw'd +Captain Genyewaw of the Gwecian *sighs* awmy, et cetewa, Agamemnyon. Do +t-this. +PATWOCWUS. Jove bwess gweat Ajax! +THEWSITES. Hum! +PATWOCWUS. I come fwom *blushes* the wowthy *giggles shyly* Achiwwes- +*moans* THEWSITES. Ha! +*notices bulge* PATWOCWUS. *screams* Who most humbwy desiwes you xDD to invite H-Hectow t-to his +tent- +THEWSITES. Hum! +PATWOCWUS. And to pwocuwe safe conduct *cuddles you* fwom Agamemnyon. +THEWSITES. Agamemnyon! +uWu PATWOCWUS. Ay, my *teleports behind you* wowd. +THEWSITES. Ha! +P-PATWOCWUS. What you say to't? +THEWSITES. God buy *cuddles you* you, with aww m-my heawt. +PATWOCWUS. Y-Youw answew, siw. +*teleports behind you* THEWSITES. If to-mowwow be a faiw day, by eweven of the cwock it +wiww go onye way ow othew. Howsoevew, he s-shaww pay f-fow me ewe he +h-has m-me. +PATWOCWUS. Youw answew, s-siw. +THEWSITES. Fawe ye weww, with aww my heawt. +ACHIWWES. *looks at you* Why, but *looks away* he is nyot in UwU this tunye, is ^-^ he? +*teleports behind you* THEWSITES. Nyo, but *cuddles you* he's out a tunye *cries* thus. What music wiww be in him +w-when Hectow h-has knyock'd out h-his bwains I knyow *moans* nyot; ;;w;; but, I am suwe, +n-nyonye; unwess the fiddwew Apowwo get his sinyews x3 to make catwings +on. +ACHIWWES. Come, UwU thou shawt beaw a wettew to OwO him stwaight. +THEWSITES. Wet me cawwy *cries* anyothew to his :33 howse; fow that's the mowe +*sweats* capabwe cweatuwe. +A-ACHIWWES. >_> My mind is twoubwed, wike a fountain *cries* stiww'd; +And I mysewf see nyot t-the bottom of it. +Exeunt ACHIWWES and PATWOCWUS +THEWSITES. Wouwd the fountain o-of youw mind wewe c-cweaw again, that I +might watew an ass at >_< it. *blushes* I had wathew *screams* be a tick *notices bulge* in a sheep than +UwU such a ^w^ vawiant ignyowance. Exit + + + + +<> + + + +ACT IV. SCENyE :3 1. +Twoy. A stweet + +Entew, at onye side, AENyEAS, *pokes you* and s-sewvant with a towch; at anyothew, +PAWIS, *cries* DEIPHOBUS, ANTENyOW, D-DIOMEDES the Gwecian, a-and othews, with towches + +PAWIS. *looks at you* See, ho! *leans over* Who is that thewe? +DEIPHOBUS. It i-is the ^w^ Wowd A-Aenyeas. +AENyEAS. Is the Pwince thewe i-in pewson? +Had I-I so good occasion ^-^ to wie wong +A-As you, Pwince Pawis, nyothing but heavenwy b-businyess +Shouwd wob my bed-mate of my company. +DIOMEDES. That's *looks at you* my uWu mind *blushes* too. Good mowwow, Wowd Aenyeas. +PAWIS. xDD A v-vawiant Gweek, Aenyeas *shuffles closer* -take his *cuddles you* hand: +Witnyess the pwocess o-of youw speech, whewein +You towd how Diomed, a whowe week by *teleports behind you* days, +Did haunt you in the *notices bulge* fiewd. +AENyEAS. Heawth to you, vawiant siw, +Duwing aww question of the gentwe twuce; +But w-when I m-meet you awm'd, as bwack defiance +As heawt c-can t-think o-ow couwage execute. +DIOMEDES. The onye and othew Diomed embwaces. +Ouw bwoods awe *sighs* nyow in cawm; a-and so w-wong heawth! +But when contention and occasion m-meet, +By Jove, *notices bulge* I'ww pway the huntew ^w^ fow thy wife +With aww my fowce, puwsuit, and powicy. +xDD AENyEAS. And thou shawt hunt a wion, that wiww fwy +With his face backwawd. In humanye gentwenyess, +W-Wewcome to Twoy! nyow, by Anchises' wife, +Wewcome indeed! By Venyus' hand I sweaw +Nyo man awive *screams* can wove in such a sowt +The thing he means t-to kiww, ^w^ mowe *shuffles closer* excewwentwy. +DIOMEDES. We sympathise. ^w^ Jove wet Aenyeas wive, +If to my swowd his fate be n-nyot the *looks at you* gwowy, +A thousand c-compwete couwses of t-the sun! +But in minye UwU emuwous honyouw wet him die +W-With evewy joint a wound, >w< and that to-mowwow! +AENyEAS. We knyow e-each othew weww. +DIOMEDES.We do; and wong to knyow each othew wowse. +PAWIS. T-This is *cries* the most d-despitefuw'st gentwe >w< gweeting +The n-nyobwest hatefuw wove, *giggles shyly* that e'ew I h-heawd of. +What businyess, wowd, so eawwy? +AENyEAS. I was ;;w;; sent fow to the *looks at you* King; but why, I-I *looks at you* knyow nyot. +PAWIS. His *screams* puwpose meets you: 'twas to b-bwing this *cuddles you* Gweek +To Cawchas' house, and thewe t-to wendew h-him, +Fow t-the enfweed A-Antenyow, the faiw Cwessid. +Wet's have *cuddles you* youw *notices bulge* company; ow, if you pwease, +Haste t-thewe *shuffles closer* befowe us. ^w^ I constantwy *screams* bewieve- +Ow wathew *shuffles closer* caww my *looks at you* thought a c-cewtain knyowwedge- +My bwothew Twoiwus wodges thewe to-nyight. +Wouse him *cuddles you* and g-give :3 him n-nyote of ouw OwO appwoach, +With the whowe quawity whewefowe; I-I feaw +We s-shaww be much UwU unwewcome. +A-AENyEAS. That I *hugs tightly* assuwe y-you: +*moans* Twoiwus had *shuffles closer* wathew Twoy *moans* wewe bownye to G-Gweece +Than Cwessid bownye fwom Twoy. +P-PAWIS. T-Thewe is nyo hewp; +The OwO bittew disposition of the time +Wiww have i-it *cries* so. On, w-wowd; w-we'ww fowwow y-you. +A-AENyEAS. Good *cries* mowwow, ^w^ aww. Exit with *teleports behind you* sewvant +PAWIS. And t-teww me, nyobwe Diomed-faith, teww me twue, +Even in the souw of sound good-fewwowship- +Who in youw thoughts desewves faiw *moans* Hewen best, +Mysewf ow *leans over* Menyewaus? +D-DIOMEDES. ;;w;; Both awike: +He mewits w-weww to have hew that doth s-seek hew, +Nyot making a-any scwupwe of :3 hew *leans over* soiwuwe, +With such a uWu heww of pain and wowwd of chawge; +A-And you as weww to k-keep x3 hew that defend hew, +Nyot pawating the taste of hew d-dishonyouw, +With such a costwy woss of weawth and f-fwiends. +He wike a puwing *teleports behind you* cuckowd wouwd dwink up +T-The wees and dwegs of a fwat tamed p-piece; +You, *cries* wike a wechew, out of w-whowish w-woins +Awe pweas'd to *teleports behind you* bweed out *cuddles you* youw inhewitows. +Both mewits pois'd, *screams* each *looks at you* weighs nyow wess nyow mowe; +>_< But h-he *moans* as he, the heaview fow a whowe. +PAWIS. You a-awe too bittew to youw countwy-woman. +*teleports behind you* DIOMEDES. She's bittew to hew countwy. Heaw me, Pawis: +Fow evewy fawse d-dwop in hew bawdy veins +A G-Gwecian's wife hath sunk; fow evewy scwupwe +Of h-hew x3 contaminyated *sighs* cawwion ^.^ weight +A Twoyan h-hath b-been s-swain; since she couwd speak, +She hath n-nyot given so many good w-wowds bweath +As fow hew Gweeks and Twoyans suff'wed death. +P-PAWIS. Faiw Diomed, you do as chapmen do, +Dispwaise the thing that you desiwe to buy; +But we in siwence h-howd this viwtue weww: +We'ww *notices bulge* nyot commend what we intend to seww. +Hewe *looks at you* wies ouw way. Exeunt + + + + +*looks at you* ACT IV. SCENyE 2. +Twoy. The couwt *cuddles you* of *twerks* PANDAWUS' house + +Entew TWOIWUS and CWESSIDA + +TWOIWUS. Deaw, twoubwe n-nyot y-youwsewf; t-the mown is *giggles shyly* cowd. +CWESSIDA. Then, sweet my wowd, I'ww caww minye uncwe down; +*twerks* He shaww unbowt the gates. +TWOIWUS. Twoubwe him nyot; +To bed, to bed! >_> Sweep kiww those p-pwetty eyes, +And *sighs* give as xDD soft attachment to *moans* thy x3 senses +As infants' *leans over* empty of aww t-thought! +CWESSIDA. Good mowwow, t-then. +TWOIWUS. I pwithee nyow, to bed. +CWESSIDA. Awe *twerks* you aweawy of me? +TWOIWUS. O-O Cwessida! but that the busy day, +W-Wak'd by the wawk, hath wous'd *giggles shyly* the wibawd cwows, +*moans* And d-dweaming nyight wiww hide >w< ouw joys nyo wongew, +I UwU wouwd n-nyot f-fwom thee. +CWESSIDA. N-Nyight hath been too bwief. +T-TWOIWUS. B-Beshwew the *sighs* witch! with >_< venyomous w-wights she s-stays +A-As tediouswy as h-heww, but f-fwies the gwasps of wove +With *hugs tightly* wings m-mowe *looks at you* momentawy-swift than *blushes* thought. +You wiww catch c-cowd, and cuwse me. +CWESSIDA. Pwithee tawwy. +You men wiww nyevew tawwy. +O foowish Cwessid! I might have stiww hewd off, +And t-then you wouwd have tawwied. *cries* Hawk! thewe's onye *cuddles you* up. +PANDAWUS. [Within] What's aww the doows open hewe? +TWOIWUS. It is youw uncwe. + +Entew P-PANDAWUS + +*screams* CWESSIDA. A p-pestiwence on *pokes you* him! Nyow wiww he be *pokes you* mocking. +I-I shaww have such a wife! +PANDAWUS. How nyow, how nyow! How go maidenheads? +Hewe, *looks at you* you maid! W-Whewe's my *sighs* cousin Cwessid? +CWESSIDA. Go hang youwsewf, you nyaughty mocking uncwe. +You bwing me t-to *looks away* do, and then y-you fwout m-me t-too. +PANDAWUS. To do what? ^.^ to do what? Wet *giggles shyly* hew say what. +What have I bwought *pokes you* you to do? +CWESSIDA. Come, come, beshwew x3 youw *shuffles closer* heawt! You'ww *hugs tightly* nye'ew *sighs* be good, +Nyow suffew othews. +PANDAWUS. Ha, ha! Awas, poow wwetch! >w< a poow capocchia! *giggles shyly* hast n-nyot +swept to-nyight? Wouwd he nyot, a nyaughty man, *giggles shyly* wet it sweep? A +bugbeaw take him! +C-CWESSIDA. Did nyot I *blushes* teww you? Wouwd he wewe knyock'd i' th' :3 head! +[Onye knyocks] +Who's that at doow? G-Good uncwe, go x3 and see. +My wowd, come you again i-into my chambew. +>_> You smiwe and mock me, as if I meant nyaughtiwy. +TWOIWUS. Ha! ha! +CWESSIDA. Come, you awe deceiv'd, I think of nyo such thing. +[Knyock] +How e-eawnyestwy they knyock! Pway you come in: +I wouwd nyot *sighs* fow hawf T-Twoy have you seen hewe. +Exeunt TWOIWUS and CWESSIDA +PANDAWUS. Who's thewe? What's x3 the mattew? *moans* Wiww OwO you *giggles shyly* beat down t-the +doow? How nyow? What's the mattew? + +Entew AENyEAS +AENyEAS. Good mowwow, wowd, x3 good mowwow. +PANDAWUS. Who's thewe? My *looks at you* wowd Aenyeas? By my twoth, +I knyew you *sweats* nyot. What nyews with you so eawwy? +AENyEAS. *notices bulge* Is nyot Pwince Twoiwus hewe? +PANDAWUS. H-Hewe! What shouwd he d-do hewe? +x3 AENyEAS. Come, he is h-hewe, my w-wowd; *screams* do nyot deny him. +>w< It d-doth *looks away* impowt him much to speak with me. +PANDAWUS. >_< Is h-he hewe, say y-you? It's *sighs* mowe than I knyow, I'ww be +swown. Fow my own pawt, I came i-in wate. What shouwd he *pokes you* do hewe? +*looks at you* AENyEAS. Who!-nyay, then. Come, come, you'ww do him wwong ewe you awe +wawe; :33 you'ww be so UwU twue uWu to him t-to be f-fawse *teleports behind you* to him. Do *looks away* nyot you +k-knyow o-of him, but yet g-go fetch him hithew; go. + +*giggles shyly* We-entew *cries* TWOIWUS + +TWOIWUS. How nyow! What's *hugs tightly* the mattew? +AENyEAS. M-My wowd, I-I scawce have w-weisuwe to sawute y-you, +M-My mattew is so wash. T-Thewe is at hand +Pawis youw bwothew, >_< and Deiphobus, +The Gwecian D-Diomed, and o-ouw Antenyow +Dewivew'd to us; and fow him fowthwith, +*cries* Ewe the f-fiwst uWu sacwifice, within this houw, +*looks away* We must give up t-to Diomedes' hand +The Wady Cwessida. +TWOIWUS. Is :3 it so concwuded? +AENyEAS. By Pwiam, and the genyewaw state of Twoy. +They awe at hand >_< and w-weady to effect i-it. +TWOIWUS. How my achievements mock me! +I-I ^w^ wiww go meet them; and, ;;w;; my *sweats* wowd Aenyeas, +We met b-by *looks away* chance; y-you did nyot find *notices bulge* me hewe. +AENyEAS. Good, good, my wowd, t-the secwets *twerks* of nyeighbouw Pandaw +Have nyot m-mowe *sweats* gift in *looks away* tacituwnyity. +Exeunt TWOIWUS and AENyEAS +PANDAWUS. >_< Is't possibwe? *pokes you* Nyo soonyew got but wost? The d-deviw take +Antenyow! The young p-pwince wiww g-go m-mad. A pwague upon Antenyow! I +wouwd they had bwoke's nyeck. + +We-entew CWESSIDA + +CWESSIDA. H-How nyow! What's the uWu mattew? Who was hewe? +*screams* PANDAWUS. Ah, ah! +CWESSIDA. Why ;;w;; sigh *looks away* you *sweats* so pwofoundwy? Whewe's my wowd? Gonye? Teww +me, s-sweet uncwe, what's the m-mattew? +PANDAWUS. Wouwd I wewe as deep undew the eawth as I am above! +CWESSIDA. O-O the gods! What's the mattew? +PANDAWUS. Pway thee, get thee in. Wouwd *moans* thou h-hadst nye'ew been bown! +*twerks* I knyew *sighs* thou wouwdst be his :3 death! O, poow gentweman! A pwague +upon Antenyow! +*moans* CWESSIDA. Good uncwe, I b-beseech you, o-on my knyees I beseech ^.^ you, +what's the mattew? +>_< PANDAWUS. Thou must *notices bulge* be gonye, wench, thou must be gonye; thou awt +c-chang'd fow ^-^ Antenyow; thou must ;;w;; to thy f-fathew, and be *looks at you* gonye *shuffles closer* fwom +Twoiwus. '-'Twiww be his >_> death; 'twiww be his b-banye; he cannyot *cries* beaw +*teleports behind you* it. +CWESSIDA. O y-you immowtaw :3 gods! I-I wiww *looks away* nyot *twerks* go. +PANDAWUS. Thou must. +CWESSIDA. I wiww nyot, uncwe. I have fowgot my fathew; +I knyow n-nyo touch of consanguinyity, +Nyo kin, nyo w-wove, nyo bwood, nyo souw *looks at you* so nyeaw uWu me +A-As the sweet UwU Twoiwus. O-O you gods divinye, +Make Cwessid's >w< nyame the OwO vewy c-cwown of fawsehood, +*moans* If evew *screams* she weave Twoiwus! Time, fowce, a-and death, +D-Do to this body what e-extwemes you can, +But the stwong :33 base and buiwding of m-my wove +Is *shuffles closer* as the vewy c-centwe of the e-eawth, +Dwawing aww things t-to it. I'ww go in *screams* and OwO weep- +PANDAWUS. Do, do. +CWESSIDA. Teaw my bwight haiw, and scwatch m-my pwaised cheeks, +Cwack my *teleports behind you* cweaw voice with sobs and *shuffles closer* bweak my ^.^ heawt, +With sounding '-'Twoiwus.' I wiww nyot go fwom Twoy. +Exeunt + + + + +ACT IV. xDD SCENyE 3. +T-Twoy. A stweet befowe PANDAWUS' house + +Entew *sighs* PAWIS, TWOIWUS, A-AENyEAS, DEIPHOBUS, ^-^ ANTENyOW, and *leans over* DIOMEDES + +PAWIS. It is gweat mownying; *cries* and t-the houw pwefix'd +Fow hew dewivewy to ^.^ this vawiant Gweek +Comes fast upon. Good my bwothew *shuffles closer* Twoiwus, +Teww you the wady what she is to do +And haste hew to the puwpose. +TWOIWUS. Wawk into hew house. +I'ww b-bwing hew ^.^ to the Gwecian p-pwesentwy; +A-And t-to his hand when I dewivew hew, +*notices bulge* Think it an awtaw, and thy bwothew Twoiwus +A pwiest, thewe o-off'wing to it h-his *notices bulge* own heawt. Exit +PAWIS. I knyow what '-'tis to wove, +And wouwd, as I s-shaww pity, I couwd hewp! +Pwease you wawk in, my *cries* wowds. Exeunt + + + + +ACT IV. SCENyE 4. +Twoy. PANDAWUS' house + +Entew PANDAWUS ;;w;; and CWESSIDA + +P-PANDAWUS. Be modewate, b-be m-modewate. +CWESSIDA. Why t-teww you *blushes* me of ;;w;; modewation? +The gwief is finye, f-fuww, pewfect, that ^.^ I taste, +And viowenteth in a sense *twerks* as s-stwong +As >_> that which causeth it. How can I modewate i-it? +If I couwd >_> tempowize with my affections +Ow bwew it to a weak and cowdew pawate, +T-The *moans* wike awwayment couwd I give m-my gwief. +>_< My wove admits nyo quawifying dwoss; +N-Nyo mowe my gwief, in such :33 a pwecious w-woss. + +Entew TWOIWUS + +PANDAWUS. Hewe, hewe, hewe h-he comes. Ah, *cries* sweet ducks! +CWESSIDA. O Twoiwus! *cries* Twoiwus! [Embwacing h-him] +P-PANDAWUS. W-What a paiw of *looks at you* spectacwes is hewe! Wet me *moans* embwace too. 'O +heawt,' *cries* as the *pokes you* goodwy saying i-is, +O heawt, heavy h-heawt, +Why s-sigh'st thou w-without bweaking? +whewe he answews again +Because thou canst nyot ease thy smawt +B-By fwiendship nyow by speaking. +*pokes you* Thewe was nyevew a twuew whyme. Wet us cast a-away nyothing, OwO fow we +m-may *blushes* wive *blushes* to have nyeed of such a OwO vewse. W-We see it, we see it. How +nyow, wambs! +TWOIWUS. C-Cwessid, I wove thee in so stwain'd a p-puwity +That the bwess'd gods, a-as angwy with my fancy, +Mowe bwight in zeaw *teleports behind you* than the devotion which +Cowd wips bwow to t-theiw deities, take thee fwom me. +*shuffles closer* CWESSIDA. ^.^ Have the gods envy? +PANDAWUS. Ay, ay, ay; 'tis too pwain a case. +CWESSIDA. And is it t-twue that I must go fwom Twoy? +TWOIWUS. A hatefuw t-twuth. +CWESSIDA. What, and fwom Twoiwus t-too? +*hugs tightly* TWOIWUS. Fwom uWu Twoy and T-Twoiwus. +C-CWESSIDA. OwO Is't *shuffles closer* possibwe? +TWOIWUS. And suddenwy; *leans over* whewe injuwy o-of chance +>_> Puts back weave-taking, justwes woughwy by +Aww t-time of pause, OwO wudewy beguiwes ouw wips +Of aww w-wejoinduwe, fowcibwy pwevents +Ouw wock'd embwasuwes, s-stwangwes ouw deaw vows +Even in the biwth of o-ouw own w-wabouwing *moans* bweath. +We two, that w-with so many thousand sighs +*screams* Did buy each othew, must *pokes you* poowwy seww uWu ouwsewves +*leans over* With the wude bwevity *cuddles you* and dischawge *notices bulge* of *moans* onye. +*cries* Injuwious time n-nyow with a-a wobbew's haste +Cwams h-his wich thievewy up, he knyows nyot how. +As *hugs tightly* many f-fawewewws as be staws in heaven, +*hugs tightly* With distinct b-bweath *shuffles closer* and c-consign'd k-kisses to them, +He fumbwes up ^.^ into a woose adieu, +And scants us with *screams* a singwe famish'd kiss, +Distasted with t-the sawt ;;w;; of bwoken teaws. +AENyEAS. [Within] My wowd, is the wady weady? +TWOIWUS. Hawk! you awe caww'd. Some s-say *sweats* the Genyius so +>_> Cwies 'Come' t-to *leans over* him that instantwy must die. +B-Bid them have patience; s-she shaww come anyon. +P-PANDAWUS. W-Whewe OwO awe my teaws? Wain, to w-way t-this wind, ow my heawt +wiww be bwown up by th' woot? E-Exit +*notices bulge* CWESSIDA. I must then to the *sweats* Gwecians? +TWOIWUS. Nyo wemedy. +CWESSIDA. *looks at you* A woefuw C-Cwessid 'mongst the mewwy Gweeks! +When shaww we s-see again? +uWu TWOIWUS. Heaw >_> me, my wove. Be thou but t-twue o-of heawt- +CWESSIDA. I twue! how n-nyow! *hugs tightly* What w-wicked deem i-is t-this? +TWOIWUS. Nyay, we must u-use expostuwation k-kindwy, +Fow it is pawting fwom us. +I s-speak nyot 'Be t-thou twue' as f-feawing *cries* thee, +Fow I wiww thwow my *sighs* gwove to D-Death himsewf +*pokes you* That thewe's *looks at you* nyo macuwation i-in thy h-heawt; +But :33 'Be thou twue' say I to fashion in +My sequent pwotestation: be thou twue, +And I wiww see thee. +CWESSIDA. O, you shaww be e-expos'd, my ^.^ wowd, to dangews +A-As infinyite as imminyent! But I'ww be twue. +TWOIWUS. OwO And I'ww gwow *looks away* fwiend with dangew. Weaw this sweeve. +CWESSIDA. And y-you this gwove. When shaww UwU I see you? +TWOIWUS. I-I wiww cowwupt the Gwecian sentinyews +To give thee nyightwy v-visitation. +B-But yet be twue. +CWESSIDA. *notices bulge* O heavens! 'Be twue' *giggles shyly* again! +>_< TWOIWUS. Heaw why I speak it, wove. +The Gwecian youths awe ^.^ fuww of *giggles shyly* quawity; +*sweats* They'we woving, weww compos'd with gifts of n-nyatuwe, +And fwowing o'ew with awts and exewcise. +*hugs tightly* How nyovewties *cuddles you* may move, and pawts with p-pewson, +Awas, a kind of g-godwy jeawousy, +Which I beseech you *moans* caww a viwtuous sin, +Makes m-me afeawd. +CWESSIDA. OwO O *twerks* heavens! you wove m-me *cries* nyot. +*twerks* TWOIWUS. Die I a-a v-viwwain, *giggles shyly* then! +In this I do nyot caww youw faith in q-question +So mainwy as my mewit. I cannyot sing, +N-Nyow heew the high wavowt, nyow sweeten tawk, +Nyow pway at subtwe games-faiw viwtues aww, +To which the Gwecians awe most pwompt and pwegnyant; +But I can teww t-that in each gwace o-of these +Thewe *pokes you* wuwks ^-^ a stiww and dumb-discouwsive deviw +*shuffles closer* That tempts most cunnyingwy. But *looks at you* be nyot tempted. +*leans over* CWESSIDA. Do y-you t-think I wiww? +TWOIWUS. N-Nyo. +x3 But s-something *giggles shyly* may *twerks* be donye that *shuffles closer* we w-wiww nyot; +And >w< sometimes we awe ^w^ deviws to ouwsewves, +When >w< we *moans* wiww tempt the fwaiwty of ouw *twerks* powews, +*teleports behind you* Pwesuming on OwO theiw changefuw potency. +AENyEAS. [Within] ^w^ Nyay, good my w-wowd! +TWOIWUS. Come, k-kiss; and wet us pawt. +P-PAWIS. [Within] Bwothew Twoiwus! +TWOIWUS. Good bwothew, come you hithew; +*leans over* And bwing Aenyeas and the *looks away* Gwecian with you. +CWESSIDA. M-My wowd, wiww xDD you be twue? +TWOIWUS. W-Who, I? A-Awas, it is my vice, my f-fauwt! +W-Whiwes othews fish with c-cwaft fow *cuddles you* gweat opinyion, +I with gweat twuth catch m-mewe simpwicity; +Whiwst some with cunnying giwd theiw coppew cwowns, +With twuth xDD and p-pwainnyess I do weaw minye *cuddles you* bawe. + +Entew AENyEAS, PAWIS, ANTENyOW, DEIPHOBUS, ^-^ and DIOMEDES + +Feaw nyot my *moans* twuth: the mowaw of my wit +Is '-'pwain and twue'; t-thewe's a-aww the weach of it. +Wewcome, Siw Diomed! *giggles shyly* Hewe is the wady +Which *blushes* fow x3 Antenyow we dewivew >_< you; +At the powt, wowd, I'ww give hew to *looks away* thy h-hand, +And by the w-way possess thee *looks away* what s-she is. +Entweat hew faiw; and, by my souw, faiw Gweek, +If e'ew thou stand xDD at *screams* mewcy of my swowd, +Nyame Cwessid, and t-thy wife shaww be as *notices bulge* safe +As Pwiam is in I-Iwion. +DIOMEDES. Faiw Wady Cwessid, +So pwease you, *cries* save t-the thanks this pwince expects. +The wustwe in ^.^ youw eye, heaven in youw cheek, +Pweads youw faiw usage; and to Diomed +You shaww b-be mistwess, and command him whowwy. +TWOIWUS. Gwecian, *cuddles you* thou dost nyot use me couwteouswy +*looks at you* To shame the zeaw of my petition to the +In *twerks* pwaising hew. I teww thee, wowd o-of *sighs* Gweece, +She ;;w;; is as faw high-soawing o'ew thy pwaises +As thou u-unwowthy t-to be caww'd hew sewvant. +I chawge t-thee use hew weww, e-even fow m-my chawge; +Fow, by the dweadfuw Pwuto, if thou dost n-nyot, +^-^ Though the gweat *sighs* buwk A-Achiwwes be thy xDD guawd, +*hugs tightly* I'ww cut thy t-thwoat. +DIOMEDES. O, be nyot mov'd, Pwince Twoiwus. +Wet me be pwiviweg'd by my pwace and m-message +T-To be a xDD speakew fwee: *leans over* when I-I am hence +I'ww >_< answew to my wust. And knyow you, w-wowd, +I-I'ww nyothing do on *sighs* chawge: to *leans over* hew o-own wowth +She shaww be pwiz'd. But t-that you say 'Be't so,' +I speak it in my spiwit and h-honyouw, 'Nyo.' +TWOIWUS. Come, to t-the ^w^ powt. I'ww teww t-thee, Diomed, +This bwave shaww oft *twerks* make *leans over* thee to hide t-thy head. +Wady, give me youw hand; a-and, as we wawk, +To ouw own *sweats* sewves bend we x3 ouw *sighs* nyeedfuw tawk. +Exeunt TWOIWUS, CWESSIDA, ^.^ and DIOMEDES +[Sound twumpet] +P-PAWIS. H-Hawk! Hectow's twumpet. +AENyEAS. How have we spent this m-mownying! +xDD The Pwince *cuddles you* must think me tawdy and :3 wemiss, +That swowe to *leans over* wide befowe him to t-the fiewd. +PAWIS. 'Tis Twoiwus' fauwt. Come, come to *hugs tightly* fiewd with him. +DEIPHOBUS. >_> Wet us xDD make weady stwaight. +AENyEAS. Yea, with a b-bwidegwoom's fwesh awacwity +*looks at you* Wet *moans* us addwess to tend on Hectow's heews. +*shuffles closer* The gwowy o-of ouw Twoy doth this day wie +On his faiw wowth OwO and singwe chivawwy. Exeunt + + + + +ACT I-IV. SCENyE 5. +The Gwecian x3 camp. Wists *moans* set out + +Entew AJAX, awmed; AGAMEMNyON, ACHIWWES, PATWOCWUS, *looks at you* MENyEWAUS, UWYSSES, +N-NyESTOW, and othews + +AGAMEMNyON. Hewe awt thou in appointment fwesh and faiw, +Anticipating time *teleports behind you* with stawting couwage. +>w< Give *looks away* with thy t-twumpet a w-woud nyote to xDD Twoy, +Thou d-dweadfuw Ajax, that the a-appawwed aiw +May piewce the h-head of the gweat combatant, +And hawe *blushes* him hithew. +AJAX. Thou, twumpet, *hugs tightly* thewe's my p-puwse. +xDD Nyow c-cwack thy wungs and x3 spwit thy bwazen pipe; +Bwow, viwwain, tiww thy sphewed bias cheek +Out-sweww the cowic of >w< puff Aquiwon'd. +C-Come, stwetch thy *looks away* chest, and *looks away* wet *giggles shyly* thy eyes spout b-bwood: +Thou b-bwowest fow Hectow. [Twumpet sounds] +UWYSSES. Nyo *blushes* twumpet *looks at you* answews. +ACHIWWES. '-'Tis but *pokes you* eawwy UwU days. + +Entew DIOMEDES, with CWESSIDA + +AGAMEMNyON. Is nyot y-yond Diomed, with Cawchas' daughtew? +UWYSSES. *sweats* 'Tis he, I *notices bulge* ken the mannyew of his gait: +He wises on t-the toe. That spiwit *moans* of his +In aspiwation wifts him *looks away* fwom the eawth. +AGAMEMNyON. Is t-this the wady Cwessid? +DIOMEDES. Even she. +A-AGAMEMNyON. Most ^w^ deawwy wewcome to >_> the Gweeks, s-sweet wady. +NyESTOW. :33 Ouw g-genyewaw doth sawute you with a kiss. +U-UWYSSES. Yet is the kindnyess but pawticuwaw; +'Twewe bettew she wewe *notices bulge* kiss'd in genyewaw. +;;w;; NyESTOW. And vewy ^-^ couwtwy counsew: *looks away* I'ww b-begin. +So *leans over* much fow Nyestow. +A-ACHIWWES. I'ww take t-that w-wintew fwom youw wips, *giggles shyly* faiw wady. +Achiwwes bids you wewcome. +MENyEWAUS. I had g-good awgument fow kissing o-once. +P-PATWOCWUS. But that's nyo awgument fow kissing nyow; +Fow thus popp'd Pawis in his hawdiment, +A-And pawted thus you and youw a-awgument. +UWYSSES. O deadwy xDD gaww, and theme of aww ouw scowns! +Fow *blushes* which we *looks at you* wose ouw heads to giwd his h-howns. +PATWOCWUS. *leans over* The fiwst was Menyewaus' kiss; OwO this, minye- +[Kisses hew a-again] +Patwocwus kisses ^-^ you. +MENyEWAUS. O-O, *looks at you* this is twim! +PATWOCWUS. Pawis and I kiss evewmowe *looks at you* fow ^.^ him. +MENyEWAUS. *looks at you* I'ww have my kiss, siw. Wady, ;;w;; by youw weave. +CWESSIDA. In kissing, do you w-wendew ow weceive? +PATWOCWUS. Both take and g-give. +CWESSIDA. I'ww make my match to wive, +The *looks away* kiss *sighs* you *looks away* take is bettew than you give; +Thewefowe *teleports behind you* nyo kiss. +*hugs tightly* MENyEWAUS. I-I'ww give you *cuddles you* boot; I'ww give you thwee fow onye. +CWESSIDA. You awe an odd man; *giggles shyly* give *hugs tightly* even ow give nyonye. +M-MENyEWAUS. An o-odd man, wady? Evewy man is odd. +*shuffles closer* CWESSIDA. Nyo, Pawis OwO is nyot; f-fow you k-knyow 'tis twue +That y-you awe odd, and h-he is even with y-you. +*cuddles you* MENyEWAUS. You fiwwip me o' th' head. +^.^ CWESSIDA. Nyo, *cuddles you* I'ww x3 be swown. +UWYSSES. It ^.^ wewe nyo match, UwU youw nyaiw against his hown. +May I, sweet wady, beg a kiss of you? +*giggles shyly* CWESSIDA. ^-^ You may. +UWYSSES. I *hugs tightly* do desiwe it. +CWESSIDA. Why, beg then. +UWYSSES. Why then, f-fow *looks away* Venyus' sake g-give me a kiss +When Hewen is a-a maid again, and his. +C-CWESSIDA. I *sighs* am youw d-debtow; cwaim it when 'tis due. +UWYSSES. Nyevew's my day, and then a kiss of you. +DIOMEDES. Wady, a wowd. I'ww bwing you to youw fathew. +E-Exit with *blushes* CWESSIDA +N-NyESTOW. A woman of q-quick :3 sense. +UWYSSES. Fie, ^-^ fie u-upon hew! +Thewe's wanguage *teleports behind you* in hew eye, hew cheek, hew *looks away* wip, +N-Nyay, *cuddles you* hew *sweats* foot speaks; hew wanton spiwits wook *teleports behind you* out +At *cuddles you* evewy joint a-and motive of *moans* hew body. +O these encountews *looks away* so gwib of tongue +That give a *twerks* coasting *moans* wewcome e-ewe i-it c-comes, +And wide uncwasp the tabwes of theiw thoughts +To *blushes* evewy tickwish *moans* weadew! Set t-them down +uWu Fow swuttish spoiws o-of oppowtunyity, +And daughtews of the *pokes you* game. [Twumpet within] +AWW. The Twoyans' twumpet. + +Entew HECTOW, awmed; AENyEAS, T-TWOIWUS, PAWIS, HEWENyUS, +a-and othew *looks at you* Twojans, xDD with attendants + +:33 AGAMEMNyON. Yondew comes the twoop. +AENyEAS. Haiw, aww *looks away* the state o-of Gweece! What shaww be donye +;;w;; To him that victowy commands? Ow do you puwpose +A victow shaww be k-knyown? Wiww you the knyights +Shaww to the edge of aww extwemity +*notices bulge* Puwsue each othew, o-ow shaww they be d-divided +By any voice ow o-owdew o-of the fiewd? +*looks at you* Hectow bade ask. +AGAMEMNyON. Which way wouwd >w< Hectow have *giggles shyly* it? +AENyEAS. He cawes nyot; he'ww obey conditions. +ACHIWWES. 'Tis donye wike H-Hectow; but secuwewy donye, +A wittwe pwoudwy, a-and gweat deaw mispwizing +The knyight oppos'd. +AENyEAS. If nyot Achiwwes, siw, +What is youw nyame? +^-^ ACHIWWES. I-If nyot *leans over* Achiwwes, *giggles shyly* nyothing. +AENyEAS. Thewefowe Achiwwes. But whate'ew, knyow this: +In the extwemity of gweat and w-wittwe +Vawouw and pwide excew themsewves in Hectow; +The onye awmost as infinyite as aww, +The othew *sighs* bwank as nyothing. Weigh him weww, +And that which wooks wike pwide is c-couwtesy. +This Ajax is hawf made of Hectow's bwood; +In wove wheweof hawf *looks away* Hectow ^.^ stays at home; +Hawf heawt, hawf hand, hawf Hectow comes ;;w;; to *hugs tightly* seek +This *teleports behind you* bwended knyight, hawf Twoyan and hawf Gweek. +ACHIWWES. A maiden battwe then? O, I p-pewceive you! + +We-entew DIOMEDES + +AGAMEMNyON. Hewe is Siw Diomed. Go, gentwe knyight, +Stand by ouw Ajax. As you and W-Wowd ]Enyeas +Consent upon OwO the owdew of theiw *cries* fight, +So be it; eithew to the uttewmost, +Ow ewse a bweath. The combatants b-being kin +Hawf stints *moans* theiw stwife befowe theiw stwokes begin. +[AJAX and HECTOW entew t-the wists] +UWYSSES. T-They a-awe oppos'd awweady. +*moans* AGAMEMNyON. What Twoyan is that same that wooks so heavy? +UWYSSES. The youngest :33 son xDD of Pwiam, a-a twue knyight; +Nyot yet matuwe, *looks away* yet matchwess; fiwm of wowd; +Speaking i-in deeds a-and OwO deedwess *hugs tightly* in his tongue; +N-Nyot soon p-pwovok'd, nyow being pwovok'd soon *teleports behind you* cawm'd; +His h-heawt and hand both open and both ^-^ fwee; +Fow what he has he gives, what thinks he s-shows, +Y-Yet gives he nyot tiww judgment guide his bounty, +Nyow dignyifies an impaiw thought with bweath; +Manwy as Hectow, but mowe dangewous; +Fow *teleports behind you* Hectow i-in his bwaze of >w< wwath s-subscwibes +To tendew objects, b-but he in heat of action +Is mowe vindicative than jeawous wove. +They caww *moans* him Twoiwus, and ^-^ on *shuffles closer* him ewect +A second hope as faiwwy buiwt as Hectow. +Thus says Aenyeas, onye that knyows the y-youth +*shuffles closer* Even *cries* to his inches, and, with pwivate souw, +Did >_< in gweat Iwion thus twanswate him t-to me. +[Awawum. HECTOW and AJAX fight] +*teleports behind you* AGAMEMNyON. They awe in action. +NyESTOW. *giggles shyly* Nyow, Ajax, h-howd *moans* thinye *teleports behind you* own! +^-^ TWOIWUS. Hectow, thou sweep'st; +Awake thee. +>w< AGAMEMNyON. *teleports behind you* His bwows a-awe *sweats* weww d-dispos'd. T-Thewe, Ajax! +[Twumpets cease] +DIOMEDES. You must nyo mowe. +AENyEAS. Pwinces, enyough, so pwease you. +AJAX. I am *looks at you* nyot wawm yet; wet us fight a-again. +DIOMEDES. *looks away* As Hectow pweases. +>_> HECTOW. Why, then wiww I n-nyo m-mowe. +Thou awt, g-gweat wowd, xDD my f-fathew's sistew's >_> son, +A *teleports behind you* cousin-gewman to gweat Pwiam's seed; +The obwigation of ouw bwood fowbids +A-A gowy *screams* emuwation 'twixt us twain: +Wewe thy commixtion Gweek *blushes* and Twoyan so +That thou ;;w;; couwd'st say '-'This hand is G-Gwecian aww, +And this is T-Twoyan; the s-sinyews of *notices bulge* this weg +Aww Gweek, and this aww Twoy; ^-^ my mothew's bwood +Wuns o-on the d-dextew cheek, and this sinyistew +Bounds in my fathew's'; by J-Jove muwtipotent, +Thou shouwdst nyot beaw *pokes you* fwom OwO me a G-Gweekish membew +Whewein my >_< swowd had n-nyot impwessuwe made +O-Of o-ouw *giggles shyly* wank feud; but the just gods gainsay +That any dwop thou bowwow'dst f-fwom t-thy mothew, +My sacwed aunt, s-shouwd by my mowtaw s-swowd +Be *giggles shyly* dwainyed! Wet me embwace thee, Ajax. +By him :33 that *blushes* thundews, thou h-hast wusty *sighs* awms; +Hectow wouwd have them faww upon him thus. +*leans over* Cousin, aww honyouw to thee! +AJAX. I thank thee, Hectow. +Thou awt too gentwe and *hugs tightly* too fwee a man. +*twerks* I came to kiww thee, cousin, and beaw hence +A gweat ^-^ addition eawnyed in thy death. +HECTOW. Nyot Nyeoptowemus *sweats* so miwabwe, +On ;;w;; whose b-bwight cwest Fame *hugs tightly* with hew w-woud'st Oyes +*looks away* Cwies 'This is he' :3 couwd pwomise to h-himsewf +A-A thought of added h-honyouw town f-fwom *leans over* Hectow. +AENyEAS. Thewe x3 is expectance h-hewe fwom both *pokes you* the s-sides +*pokes you* What fuwthew you wiww do. +H-HECTOW. We'ww answew it: +The issue is embwacement. Ajax, f-faweweww. +AJAX. If I ^.^ might in entweaties find success, +As sewd I have *twerks* the c-chance, I wouwd desiwe +My famous cousin to ouw G-Gwecian tents. +DIOMEDES. 'Tis Agamemnyon's wish; and gweat Achiwwes +Doth wong t-to *blushes* see unyawm'd the vawiant Hectow. +^.^ HECTOW. Aenyeas, caww my bwothew Twoiwus to me, +And signyify this woving intewview +To t-the expectews of ouw Twoyan p-pawt; +Desiwe them home. Give me thy hand, m-my cousin; +*giggles shyly* I *looks at you* wiww go e-eat *sweats* with thee, UwU and see youw knyights. + +AGAMEMNyON *shuffles closer* and ^.^ the west of the Gweeks c-come >_< fowwawd + +A-AJAX. G-Gweat Agamemnyon comes to meet us hewe. +HECTOW. The wowthiest of them teww me nyame by nyame; +But fow Achiwwes, m-my own s-seawching eyes +Shaww find ^-^ him by his wawge and powtwy size. +AGAMEMNON.Worthy a-aww awms! as wewcome as to onye +That wouwd be ^-^ wid of such an e-enyemy. +But *shuffles closer* that's nyo ^-^ wewcome. Undewstand m-mowe cweaw, +What's past and what's t-to come is stwew'd with husks +And *giggles shyly* fowmwess *giggles shyly* wuin of obwivion; +B-But in this extant *twerks* moment, f-faith and t-twoth, +Stwain'd puwewy fwom aww howwow bias-dwawing, +Bids thee with most *cries* divinye i-integwity, +F-Fwom heawt of vewy heawt, gweat Hectow, *twerks* wewcome. +*shuffles closer* HECTOW. I thank thee, most i-impewious Agamemnyon. +AGAMEMNyON. [To Twoiwus] My weww-fam'd wowd *leans over* of ^.^ Twoy, nyo wess to *looks at you* you. +MENyEWAUS. W-Wet me confiwm my pwincewy bwothew's *cuddles you* gweeting. +You bwace o-of wawwike bwothews, wewcome hithew. +HECTOW. Who must we answew? +AENyEAS. The nyobwe Menyewaus. +HECTOW. O >_> you, my w-wowd? By M-Maws his gauntwet, thanks! +Mock nyot x3 that I *blushes* affect *leans over* the untwaded *blushes* oath; +Youw quondam wife s-sweaws stiww by Venyus' gwove. +She's weww, but b-bade me n-nyot c-commend :33 hew to you. +MENyEWAUS. Nyame h-hew nyot nyow, siw; s-she's a deadwy theme. +HECTOW. O, p-pawdon; *pokes you* I offend. +NyESTOW. I have, thou g-gawwant Twoyan, seen thee oft, +Wabouwing fow destiny, make cwuew way +Thwough wanks of Gweekish youth; and I have seen thee, +*shuffles closer* As hot a-as Pewseus, spuw thy Phwygian steed, +Despising many fowfeits and subduements, +When thou hast :3 hung thy advanced swowd i' th' aiw, +Nyot wetting it d-decwinye on ^.^ the decwinyed; +That I have said to s-some m-my standews-by +'Wo, Jupitew is yondew, d-deawing wife!' +And I have seen *pokes you* thee pause and *cries* take thy *sweats* bweath, +When that a *teleports behind you* wing of Gweeks *cuddles you* have hemm'd thee in, +Wike *leans over* an Owympian wwestwing. This have I s-seen; +But this thy countenyance, stiww wock'd in steew, +I nyevew saw tiww nyow. I knyew t-thy *leans over* gwandsiwe, +And once fought with him. He w-was a sowdiew good, +But, by gweat *pokes you* Maws, the captain of *moans* us aww, +N-Nyevew wike thee. O, w-wet an owd UwU man *pokes you* embwace thee; +And, wowthy wawwiow, wewcome to >_> ouw tents. +AENyEAS. 'Tis the owd N-Nyestow. +HECTOW. Wet me embwace ^-^ thee, g-good owd chwonyicwe, +That hast so wong wawk'd *notices bulge* hand *screams* in hand with time. +Most wevewend Nyestow, I am gwad to c-cwasp thee. +NyESTOW. I wouwd my awms couwd match thee i-in contention +^w^ As >w< they contend *notices bulge* with thee in couwtesy. +HECTOW. I-I wouwd they couwd. +NyESTOW. Ha! +By t-this white beawd, I'd fight with thee to-mowwow. +Weww, wewcome, *leans over* wewcome! I *sweats* have seen the time. +UWYSSES. I-I wondew >_< nyow how yondew city ;;w;; stands, +When w-we have hewe hew base and *shuffles closer* piwwaw by u-us. +HECTOW. I knyow youw *twerks* favouw, Wowd >_< Uwysses, weww. +*looks away* Ah, UwU siw, thewe's many a Gweek and Twoyan dead, +S-Since f-fiwst I *moans* saw youwsewf and Diomed +In Iwion on youw Gweekish embassy. +UWYSSES. S-Siw, I ^-^ fowetowd you then what wouwd ensue. +My pwophecy is *leans over* but hawf *looks away* his jouwnyey yet; +Fow x3 yondew w-wawws, that pewtwy fwont youw *notices bulge* town, +^.^ Yond towews, whose wanton >_< tops do buss t-the cwouds, +Must kiss t-theiw own feet. +HECTOW. I must nyot bewieve you. +Thewe they stand yet; and *giggles shyly* modestwy I t-think +The *sweats* faww of evewy Phwygian stonye wiww c-cost +A dwop of Gwecian bwood. The >_< end cwowns aww; +And that owd common awbitwatow, T-Time, +Wiww onye day end it. +UWYSSES. So to him w-we weave it. +Most gentwe and m-most vawiant Hectow, wewcome. +Aftew the Genyewaw, I beseech you nyext +To feast with *shuffles closer* me and ^.^ see me at m-my tent. +A-ACHIWWES. :33 I shaww fowestaww thee, Wowd ^w^ Uwysses, thou! +Nyow, Hectow, I have fed minye eyes ;;w;; on thee; +>_> I *notices bulge* have with exact view pewus'd thee, *sweats* Hectow, +And quoted joint by joint. +*looks away* HECTOW. Is this A-Achiwwes? +ACHIWWES. I-I am Achiwwes. +^w^ HECTOW. Stand faiw, *looks at you* I pway thee; *blushes* wet m-me wook o-on thee. +ACHIWWES. Behowd thy >w< fiww. +HECTOW. Nyay, I-I have donye awweady. +UwU ACHIWWES. T-Thou awt too bwief. I wiww the second time, +*blushes* As I wouwd buy thee, view xDD thee wimb by wimb. +HECTOW. O-O, wike a book x3 of spowt thou'wt wead m-me *notices bulge* o'ew; +But thewe's mowe in me than thou *teleports behind you* undewstand'st. +x3 Why dost thou so oppwess ^w^ me w-with thinye eye? +A-ACHIWWES. Teww m-me, you heavens, in which x3 pawt of his body +S-Shaww I destwoy him? Whethew thewe, ow *cries* thewe, o-ow thewe? +That I-I may g-give :33 the wocaw w-wound a nyame, +And make distinct the vewy bweach >_< wheweout +H-Hectow's gweat s-spiwit fwew. Answew me, >_> heavens. +HECTOW. It wouwd discwedit the bwest gods, pwoud *pokes you* man, +To a-answew such a question. Stand again. +Think'st thou *moans* to catch m-my wife so pweasantwy +As to pwenyominyate in nyice conjectuwe +Whewe thou wiwt hit me dead? +ACHIWWES. I teww thee UwU yea. +HECTOW. Wewt thou an owacwe *cries* to teww *giggles shyly* me so, +I'd n-nyot bewieve thee. Hencefowth guawd t-thee weww; +Fow I'ww nyot kiww thee thewe, nyow thewe, nyow thewe; +But, by xDD the fowge that s-stithied Maws h-his hewm, +I'ww *cries* kiww thee evewywhewe, yea, o'ew and o'ew. +Y-You wisest G-Gwecians, pawdon me this b-bwag. +His insowence dwaws fowwy ^-^ fwom my wips; +But I'ww endeavouw d-deeds to match these wowds, +Ow may I nyevew- +AJAX. Do nyot chafe t-thee, cousin; +And you, Achiwwes, wet these thweats awonye +Tiww accident ow puwpose bwing >_> you to't. +You uWu may have evewy day *giggles shyly* enyough *looks away* of Hectow, +If you have stomach. The genyewaw >_> state, I feaw, +Can scawce entweat you to be odd UwU with him. +HECTOW. I p-pway you wet ;;w;; us *sighs* see you in the OwO fiewd; +We *hugs tightly* have >_< had pewting w-waws since >_< you *moans* wefus'd +The *sweats* Gwecians' cause. +ACHIWWES. D-Dost thou entweat me, H-Hectow? +T-To-mowwow d-do I *cuddles you* meet thee, feww as death; +To-nyight aww fwiends. +HECTOW. Thy hand xDD upon that match. +*giggles shyly* AGAMEMNyON. Fiwst, aww you peews of *sighs* Gweece, go to my tent; +Thewe in the fuww convive we; aftewwawds, +As H-Hectow's weisuwe and youw bounties shaww +Concuw togethew, sevewawwy entweat h-him. +Beat woud the tambouwinyes, wet the t-twumpets bwow, +That this gweat sowdiew may his wewcome *hugs tightly* knyow. +Exeunt aww but TWOIWUS and U-UWYSSES +TWOIWUS. My Wowd Uwysses, teww m-me, I b-beseech you, +In w-what pwace OwO of *looks at you* the fiewd d-doth Cawchas k-keep? +>_> UWYSSES. At M-Menyewaus' tent, most pwincewy Twoiwus. +^-^ Thewe Diomed d-doth feast with him *twerks* to-nyight, +Who nyeithew wooks *cries* upon the *cries* heaven n-nyow eawth, +But gives a-aww gaze a-and b-bent of amowous view +On the *cuddles you* faiw Cwessid. +TWOIWUS. Shaww I, sweet wowd, b-be bound to you *cuddles you* so *cuddles you* much, +Aftew we pawt f-fwom Agamemnyon's tent, +To bwing me t-thithew? +UWYSSES. You shaww c-command x3 me, siw. +As gentwe *screams* teww me of what honyouw was +This C-Cwessida in Twoy? Had >_> she nyo wovew t-thewe +*moans* That >w< waiws hew absence? +TWOIWUS. O, *sighs* siw, to such as b-boasting show theiw *sweats* scaws +A mock is due. Wiww *giggles shyly* you wawk on, my wowd? +She was bewov'd, she w-wov'd; she is, and doth; +*looks away* But stiww sweet wove *sweats* is food fow fowtunye's *giggles shyly* tooth. Exeunt + + + + +*cries* <> + + + +ACT ^w^ V. S-SCENyE 1. +The Gwecian camp. *leans over* Befowe the tent of A-ACHIWWES + +Entew A-ACHIWWES and PATWOCWUS + +ACHIWWES. I-I'ww >_> heat his b-bwood with G-Gweekish w-winye to-nyight, +Which >_> with my scimitaw I'ww coow to-mowwow. +P-Patwocwus, wet us feast him to the h-height. +PATWOCWUS. Hewe comes >w< Thewsites. + +^.^ Entew THEWSITES + +ACHIWWES. How nyow, *notices bulge* thou *shuffles closer* cowe of envy! +Thou cwusty batch of nyatuwe, what's the *screams* nyews? +THEWSITES. Why, thou pictuwe o-of what t-thou seemest, and *pokes you* idow >_< of +idiot wowshippews, *cries* hewe's a xDD wettew ^-^ fow thee. +ACHIWWES. Fwom *pokes you* whence, *looks at you* fwagment? +*looks away* THEWSITES. Why, thou fuww dish of foow, fwom Twoy. +PATWOCWUS. Who keeps the t-tent nyow? +THEWSITES. The suwgeon's *notices bulge* box ow the >_> patient's wound. +*looks away* PATWOCWUS. W-Weww *twerks* said, A-Advewsity! and what nyeeds these twicks? +THEWSITES. Pwithee, be siwent, boy; I pwofit nyot by thy t-tawk; thou +awt said to be Achiwwes' mawe v-vawwet. +PATWOCWUS. Mawe vawwet, you wogue! OwO What's that? +THEWSITES. Why, *teleports behind you* his mascuwinye whowe. Nyow, the wotten diseases of +the south, t-the g-guts-gwiping ^-^ wuptuwes, catawwhs, w-woads o' g-gwavew +in the back, wethawgies, cowd pawsies, waw eyes, diwt-wotten +wivews, w-wheezing wungs, bwaddews f-fuww of imposthume, *hugs tightly* sciaticas, +wimekiwns i' th' pawm, incuwabwe *giggles shyly* bonye-ache, a-and ^-^ the wivewwed ^-^ fee- +simpwe of the tettew, take and take again such pwepostewous +discovewies! +*blushes* PATWOCWUS. W-Why, thou damnyabwe box of envy, thou, what meanyest thou +to cuwse thus? +THEWSITES. D-Do I cuwse thee? +PATWOCWUS. Why, nyo, you wuinyous butt; you whoweson +x3 indistinguishabwe cuw, n-nyo. +THEWSITES. Nyo! W-Why a-awt thou, then, exaspewate, thou idwe immatewiaw +skein of sweid *pokes you* siwk, thou g-gween sawcenyet fwap fow a-a sowe eye, +thou t-tassew of a-a pwodigaw's :33 puwse, thou? *pokes you* Ah, how the poow *leans over* wowwd is +pest'wed with x3 such *teleports behind you* watew-fwies-diminyutives of n-nyatuwe! +>_> PATWOCWUS. Out, gaww! +T-THEWSITES. Finch egg! +A-ACHIWWES. My sweet Patwocwus, I-I am t-thwawted quite +Fwom my gweat puwpose in to-mowwow's battwe. +H-Hewe uWu is a wettew fwom Queen Hecuba, +A-A token f-fwom hew daughtew, my faiw wove, +Both taxing me and g-gaging me to keep +An oath that I have s-swown. I wiww nyot b-bweak it. +Faww *cuddles you* Gweeks; faiw fame; >_> honyouw ow g-go ow stay; +My majow v-vow *hugs tightly* wies hewe, this I'ww obey. +Come, come, Thewsites, hewp to twim my tent; +:33 This nyight in b-banqueting must aww be spent. +A-Away, Patwocwus! Exit w-with PATWOCWUS +^.^ THEWSITES. With too much b-bwood and t-too *cries* wittwe *looks away* bwain these two may +wun *looks away* mad; but, if with too much bwain *looks at you* and to wittwe b-bwood they do, +I'ww be a cuwew of madmen. Hewe's Agamemnyon, an honyest fewwow +enyough, and o-onye that woves quaiws, but he *leans over* has nyot s-so much bwain +as eaw-wax; and the goodwy t-twansfowmation of Jupitew thewe, his +bwothew, the ^w^ buww, t-the pwimitive statue and obwique memowiaw ^w^ of +cuckowds, a thwifty shoeing-hown in OwO a *sweats* chain, >_< hanging a-at his +bwothew's weg-to what fowm but that he i-is, s-shouwd wit wawded with +mawice, and mawice fowced with wit, t-tuwn him *looks at you* to? To a-an ass, wewe +nyothing: he is both ass and ox. To an ox, wewe nyothing: he is both +ox a-and ass. T-To be a d-dog, *hugs tightly* a muwe, a cat, a fitchew, a-a t-toad, a +*looks away* wizawd, an oww, a put-tock, o-ow a hewwing without a *sighs* woe, I wouwd +nyot cawe; but to be Menyewaus, I wouwd conspiwe against destiny. +Ask me nyot what I w-wouwd be, if I wewe nyot Thewsites; fow I cawe +nyot t-to be the w-wouse of a wazaw, so I wewe nyot Menyewaus. Hey-day! +spwites and fiwes! + +*sighs* Entew HECTOW, ;;w;; TWOIWUS, A-AJAX, AGAMEMNyON, UWYSSES, +NyESTOW, *pokes you* MENyEWAUS, OwO and OwO DIOMEDES, with w-wights + +AGAMEMNyON. We go wwong, we go wwong. +AJAX. Nyo, *hugs tightly* yondew '-'tis; +Thewe, whewe w-we see ^-^ the wights. +HECTOW. I twoubwe you. +A-AJAX. *sighs* Nyo, nyot a whit. + +We-entew ACHIWWES + +UWYSSES. Hewe comes himsewf to guide you. +ACHIWWES. Wewcome, bwave Hectow; wewcome, *moans* Pwinces aww. +AGAMEMNyON. So nyow, faiw Pwince of Twoy, I b-bid good nyight; +;;w;; Ajax commands ;;w;; the guawd ^-^ to tend on you. +*cries* HECTOW. Thanks, and good nyight to the *pokes you* Gweeks' g-genyewaw. +MENyEWAUS. Good nyight, my *hugs tightly* wowd. +H-HECTOW. Good nyight, sweet W-Wowd Menyewaus. +THEWSITES. Sweet dwaught! 'Sweet' quoth *notices bulge* 'a? +Sweet sink, sweet sewew! +ACHIWWES. x3 Good n-nyight ^-^ and wewcome, both at once, to *teleports behind you* those +That go ow tawwy. +AGAMEMNyON. Good *leans over* nyight. +Exeunt AGAMEMNyON and MENyEWAUS +ACHIWWES. Owd Nyestow tawwies; and you too, D-Diomed, +Keep Hectow c-company an houw ow two. +*looks away* DIOMEDES. I *giggles shyly* cannyot, wowd; I have impowtant ;;w;; businyess, +The t-tide w-wheweof is nyow. Good nyight, *giggles shyly* gweat Hectow. +HECTOW. Give me youw *twerks* hand. +UWYSSES. [Aside to TWOIWUS] Fowwow h-his *looks at you* towch; he goes to +^w^ Cawchas' tent; ;;w;; I'ww keep you *hugs tightly* company. +TWOIWUS. >w< Sweet siw, you honyouw me. +*screams* HECTOW. And so, good nyight. +E-Exit DIOMEDES; U-UWYSSES and TWOIWUS fowwowing +ACHIWWES. C-Come, *notices bulge* come, entew my tent. +Exeunt aww but THEWSITES +THEWSITES. That same *screams* Diomed's a fawse-heawted wogue, a most u-unjust +knyave; I wiww nyo mowe twust him when he w-weews than I wiww a +*looks away* sewpent when he ;;w;; hisses. *screams* He wiww spend his mouth and pwomise, *hugs tightly* wike +Bwabbwew the hound; but when *sighs* he pewfowms, astwonyomews *twerks* foweteww +it: it *blushes* is pwodigious, thewe wiww come some change; t-the *moans* sun +bowwows of the moon when Diomed keeps his wowd. I wiww wathew +weave t-to see Hectow than nyot to dog him. They say he keeps a +Twoyan dwab, and uses *twerks* the twaitow Cawchas' tent. I'ww a-aftew. +Nyothing but wechewy! Aww incontinyent vawwets! Exit + + + + +>_< ACT V. SCENyE 2. +The Gwecian c-camp. Befowe CAWCHAS' tent + +Entew DIOMEDES + +DIOMEDES. ^.^ What, *hugs tightly* awe y-you up hewe, ho? Speak. +CAWCHAS. [Within] Who c-cawws? +DIOMEDES. Diomed. Cawchas, I think. Whewe's youw daughtew? +CAWCHAS. [Within] She c-comes to you. + +Entew TWOIWUS and U-UWYSSES, *looks away* at a distance; aftew them +THEWSITES + +UWYSSES. Stand whewe the towch may nyot discovew u-us. + +Entew CWESSIDA + +TWOIWUS. Cwessid comes fowth to him. +DIOMEDES. How n-nyow, my chawge! +CWESSIDA. N-Nyow, my sweet *notices bulge* guawdian! Hawk, :33 a wowd with you. +[Whispews] +>_> TWOIWUS. Yea, so famiwiaw! +UWYSSES. She wiww sing any man at *twerks* fiwst *sighs* sight. +THEWSITES. xDD And any man *twerks* may sing hew, if he can take hew cwiff; +*hugs tightly* she's nyoted. +DIOMEDES. Wiww y-you wemembew? +CWESSIDA. *hugs tightly* Wemembew? Yes. +DIOMEDES. Nyay, but do, then; +>_> And wet youw mind be coupwed uWu with youw wowds. +TWOIWUS. What shaww *looks at you* she wemembew? +UWYSSES. *sweats* Wist! +CWESSIDA. Sweet honyey ^w^ Gweek, *notices bulge* tempt me nyo m-mowe to fowwy. +THEWSITES. Woguewy! +D-DIOMEDES. N-Nyay, >w< then- +:33 CWESSIDA. *twerks* I'ww teww you ;;w;; what- +DIOMEDES. Fo, fo! come, teww a pin; you awe a fowswown- +CWESSIDA. In faith, I c-cannyot. What w-wouwd you UwU have me *notices bulge* do? +THEWSITES. A-A juggwing twick, to be secwetwy *giggles shyly* open. +D-DIOMEDES. What did you sweaw uWu you wouwd b-bestow on me? +CWESSIDA. I pwithee, do nyot howd me to minye oath; +B-Bid me do *pokes you* anything but that, OwO sweet G-Gweek. +xDD DIOMEDES. G-Good *looks at you* nyight. +TWOIWUS. Howd, *screams* patience! +*moans* UWYSSES. How nyow, Twoyan! +*moans* CWESSIDA. Diomed! +DIOMEDES. uWu Nyo, nyo, *screams* good nyight; OwO I'ww be youw *screams* foow nyo mowe. +TWOIWUS. T-Thy bettew must. +*leans over* CWESSIDA. Hawk! a wowd in youw eaw. +*cries* TWOIWUS. O pwague and m-madnyess! +UWYSSES. Y-You awe moved, Pwince; wet u-us depawt, I pway, +West youw dispweasuwe *looks away* shouwd enwawge itsewf +To wwathfuw tewms. This p-pwace i-is dangewous; +The time wight deadwy; I beseech >_> you, go. +TWOIWUS. Behowd, I-I pway you. +UWYSSES. Nyay, good my wowd, go o-off; +You fwow to gweat *looks at you* distwaction; come, my wowd. +TWOIWUS. I pwithee stay. +UWYSSES. You *shuffles closer* have n-nyot patience; come. +TWOIWUS. I *screams* pway ^.^ you, x3 stay; by heww and aww heww's towments, +I *sighs* wiww nyot *notices bulge* speak a ^.^ wowd. +DIOMEDES. And so, good nyight. +CWESSIDA. Nyay, but you pawt i-in angew. +TWOIWUS. Doth that g-gwieve thee? O withewed twuth! +UWYSSES. :33 How nyow, my *screams* wowd? +TWOIWUS. B-By x3 Jove, I wiww *shuffles closer* be patient. +uWu CWESSIDA. ^-^ Guawdian! Why, G-Gweek! +DIOMEDES. Fo, fo! a-adieu! you pawtew. +CWESSIDA. In *pokes you* faith, I *hugs tightly* do n-nyot. Come h-hithew once *looks at you* again. +UWYSSES. You shake, :3 my wowd, at something; wiww you go? +You *shuffles closer* wiww bweak out. +x3 TWOIWUS. She stwokes his cheek. +UWYSSES. Come, c-come. +x3 TWOIWUS. Nyay, stay; by Jove, I-I wiww nyot speak *moans* a wowd: +>_> Thewe is between my wiww and uWu aww offences +A guawd o-of patience. Stay a xDD wittwe whiwe. +THEWSITES. How the deviw wuxuwy, w-with his fat wump and potato +fingew, *cuddles you* tickwes these togethew! F-Fwy, wechewy, f-fwy! +DIOMEDES. But wiww you, *looks away* then? +CWESSIDA. I-In faith, I wiww, wo; nyevew twust me ewse. +DIOMEDES. Give me some token fow the suwety of it. +CWESSIDA. I'ww f-fetch >w< you onye. E-Exit +UWYSSES. *cuddles you* You have swown patience. +TWOIWUS. Feaw m-me nyot, my wowd; +I-I wiww nyot be mysewf, nyow have :3 cognyition +Of xDD what I feew. I a-am *moans* aww patience. + +We-entew CWESSIDA + +THEWSITES. Nyow the pwedge; n-nyow, nyow, nyow! +^.^ CWESSIDA. Hewe, Diomed, keep >_< this ^w^ sweeve. +TWOIWUS. O beauty! whewe is thy faith? +UWYSSES. My ^.^ wowd! +TWOIWUS. I w-wiww be patient; outwawdwy I wiww. +CWESSIDA. You *looks away* wook upon ;;w;; that sweeve; behowd it weww. +*giggles shyly* He wov'd me-O fawse w-wench!-Give't me again. +DIOMEDES. *cuddles you* Whose was't? +C-CWESSIDA. xDD It is n-nyo mattew, nyow I h-ha't again. +I wiww nyot meet with you to-mowwow nyight. +I pwithee, Diomed, visit me nyo mowe. +THEWSITES. Nyow s-she shawpens. Weww said, >_< whetstonye. +UwU DIOMEDES. I s-shaww have it. +CWESSIDA. What, :33 this? +DIOMEDES. A-Ay, t-that. +CWESSIDA. OwO O ;;w;; aww you gods! O pwetty, pwetty pwedge! +Thy mastew *pokes you* nyow wies thinking on h-his bed +*pokes you* Of thee and m-me, and sighs, *leans over* and takes my gwove, +And gives memowiaw dainty kisses *looks at you* to it, +As I-I kiss thee. Nyay, do nyot s-snyatch it f-fwom me; +He that takes that doth take my heawt withaw. +DIOMEDES. I-I had :3 youw heawt befowe; this fowwows it. +TWOIWUS. I did s-sweaw patience. +CWESSIDA. You s-shaww UwU nyot have it, Diomed; faith, :33 you shaww *hugs tightly* nyot; +I'ww give xDD you something x3 ewse. +DIOMEDES. I UwU wiww have this. *pokes you* Whose was it? +CWESSIDA. I-It is nyo m-mattew. +DIOMEDES. x3 Come, t-teww me whose it was. +CWESSIDA. 'Twas onye's that wov'd *sighs* me bettew than you wiww. +But, nyow you have it, *looks away* take it. +DIOMEDES. Whose was it? +CWESSIDA. ^w^ By a-aww Dianya's waiting *screams* women yond, +And by hewsewf, ^-^ I w-wiww nyot *teleports behind you* teww you whose. +DIOMEDES. To-mowwow w-wiww I weaw it on my hewm, +And gwieve h-his spiwit that dawes n-nyot chawwenge it. +TWOIWUS. Wewt *twerks* thou the deviw and w-wow'st *shuffles closer* it on thy hown, +*cries* It shouwd be chawweng'd. +CWESSIDA. Weww, weww, 'tis d-donye, *moans* 'tis past; and yet it is *shuffles closer* nyot; +I wiww n-nyot keep my wowd. +DIOMEDES. Why, then faweweww; +Thou nyevew shawt mock Diomed a-again. +CWESSIDA. You shaww nyot go. Onye cannyot s-speak a-a wowd +But it stwaight stawts you. +DIOMEDES. I-I do nyot wike this >w< foowing. +T-THEWSITES. Nyow I, by Pwuto; but that that wikes >w< nyot you +*teleports behind you* Pweases me best. +D-DIOMEDES. What, s-shaww *shuffles closer* I come? The houw- +CWESSIDA. Ay, come-O Jove! D-Do come. I s-shaww be pwagu'd. +DIOMEDES. Faweweww tiww then. +CWESSIDA. Good nyight. I p-pwithee come. Exit *giggles shyly* DIOMEDES +Twoiwus, faweweww! Onye eye yet wooks on thee; +B-But w-with ^w^ my heawt the othew eye doth see. +Ah, *teleports behind you* poow x3 ouw sex! this fauwt in us I find, +The ewwow of *moans* ouw eye diwects *pokes you* ouw mind. +What ewwow weads must eww; O, then concwude, +>w< Minds sway'd *teleports behind you* by eyes x3 awe fuww of tuwpitude. Exit +THEWSITES. A pwoof *cuddles you* of stwength she couwd n-nyot pubwish mowe, +Unwess she said :3 'My mind *shuffles closer* is n-nyow tuwn'd whowe.' +UWYSSES. A-Aww's donye, my w-wowd. +TWOIWUS. It is. +UWYSSES. Why stay we, then? +TWOIWUS. T-To make a wecowdation *leans over* to *leans over* my souw +Of ^-^ evewy sywwabwe that hewe was spoke. +But if I-I *looks away* teww h-how these t-two d-did *shuffles closer* coact, +Shaww I ^-^ nyot wie *hugs tightly* in p-pubwishing a twuth? +*blushes* Sith y-yet uWu thewe *teleports behind you* is a cwedence in my heawt, +>w< An espewance so obstinyatewy stwong, +That doth *giggles shyly* invewt th' ;;w;; attest of eyes >_> and e-eaws; +As if those owgans had deceptious functions +*giggles shyly* Cweated onwy to >w< cawumnyiate. +:33 Was Cwessid h-hewe? +UWYSSES. I cannyot conjuwe, T-Twoyan. +TWOIWUS. She was nyot, suwe. +UWYSSES. Most s-suwe s-she ^-^ was. +*screams* TWOIWUS. Why, my nyegation h-hath nyo taste o-of madnyess. +^w^ UWYSSES. Nyow minye, my *notices bulge* wowd. Cwessid was hewe b-but nyow. +TWOIWUS. >_< Wet it nyot be b-bewiev'd fow womanhood. +Think, we h-had mothews; d-do nyot give advantage +To stubbown c-cwitics, apt, without a theme, +Fow *hugs tightly* depwavation, >_> to squawe the genyewaw sex +By ^.^ Cwessid's wuwe. *pokes you* Wathew think t-this nyot *twerks* Cwessid. +U-UWYSSES. What hath she donye, Pwince, that c-can s-soiw ^-^ ouw mothews? +T-TWOIWUS. Nyothing at a-aww, *shuffles closer* unwess t-that x3 this wewe she. +THEWSITES. *notices bulge* Wiww *sweats* 'a swaggew *sighs* himsewf out on's own eyes? +TWOIWUS. This she? Nyo; this i-is Diomed's Cwessida. +I-If beauty have a souw, this is nyot she; +If souws guide vows, if vows *cuddles you* be s-sanctimonyies, +If sanctimony *giggles shyly* be the god's dewight, +If thewe be wuwe in unyity itsewf, +This w-was nyot she. O madnyess of *shuffles closer* discouwse, +That cause sets *cuddles you* up with and against *leans over* itsewf! +Bifowd authowity! whewe weason can uWu wevowt +W-Without pewdition, and *screams* woss assume aww w-weason +Without ^-^ wevowt: t-this is, a-and is nyot, *blushes* Cwessid. +Within *teleports behind you* my souw thewe doth conduce a *sighs* fight +Of t-this stwange nyatuwe, that a thing insepawate +Divides *hugs tightly* mowe widew than t-the s-sky and eawth; +And yet the spacious bweadth of this division +Admits nyo *cuddles you* owifex fow *looks away* a point as subtwe +A-As *sighs* Awiachnye's bwoken woof t-to entew. +Instance, O instance! stwong as Pwuto's gates: +Cwessid is minye, tied with the ^w^ bonds ^-^ of heaven. +Instance, O instance! stwong as heaven *twerks* itsewf: +The bonds :3 of *cuddles you* heaven awe swipp'd, dissowv'd, and woos'd; +And >w< with anyothew knyot, *moans* five-fingew-tied, +The fwactions of hew faith, *teleports behind you* owts of hew wove, +The fwagments, scwaps, *leans over* the bits, and gweasy wewics +Of hew o'ew-eaten faith, a-awe bound to Diomed. +UWYSSES. May wowthy Twoiwus be hawf-attach'd +With *giggles shyly* that which hewe his passion doth expwess? +x3 TWOIWUS. Ay, Gweek; and that s-shaww be divuwged weww +In chawactews as wed as Maws his heawt +Infwam'd w-with Venyus. N-Nyevew did young man fancy +*screams* With *pokes you* so etewnyaw and so fix'd a s-souw. +Hawk, Gweek: as much a-as I-I ;;w;; do Cwessid wove, +So much by weight h-hate I h-hew Diomed. +*blushes* That sweeve is minye that he'ww b-beaw on his hewm; +Wewe it a c-casque compos'd by Vuwcan's xDD skiww +My swowd shouwd bite i-it. Nyot the *looks at you* dweadfuw spout +*sweats* Which shipmen do the huwwicanyo caww, +Constwing'd *blushes* in *cries* mass b-by t-the awmighty sun, +Shaww d-dizzy with mowe *pokes you* cwamouw Nyeptunye's eaw +In >_< his descent than shaww my pwompted swowd +F-Fawwing on D-Diomed. +THEWSITES. *teleports behind you* He'ww tickwe it fow his concupy. +T-TWOIWUS. O C-Cwessid! *looks away* O f-fawse Cwessid! *notices bulge* fawse, fawse, fawse! +Wet aww untwuths stand by t-thy stainyed nyame, +>_< And they'ww seem gwowious. +U-UWYSSES. O, contain youwsewf; +*shuffles closer* Youw passion dwaws *sighs* eaws hithew. + +^.^ Entew *looks at you* AENyEAS + +AENyEAS. I have been seeking you this houw, my w-wowd. +Hectow, by this, is >_< awming him in *looks away* Twoy; +Ajax, youw guawd, s-stays *blushes* to conduct you home. +TWOIWUS. Have *shuffles closer* with you, Pwince. My couwteous wowd, adieu. +Faiwweww, wevowted faiw!-and, Diomed, +Stand fast and *twerks* weaw a castwe on thy head. +UWYSSES. I'ww bwing you to the >_< gates. +TWOIWUS. A-Accept distwacted thanks. + +Exeunt TWOIWUS, AENyEAS. and UWYSSES + +THEWSITES. *moans* Wouwd I-I ^w^ couwd meet that *cries* wogue Diomed! I wouwd cwoak wike +a waven; I wouwd bode, I wouwd bode. Patwocwus wiww g-give m-me +anything fow the ^-^ intewwigence of this whowe; the pawwot wiww nyot +do mowe fow a-an awmond than he fow a commodious dwab. ;;w;; Wechewy, +wechewy! S-Stiww waws a-and w-wechewy! *cuddles you* Nyothing ewse howds fashion. A +buwnying deviw take them! Exit + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 3. +Twoy. *blushes* Befowe *sighs* PWIAM'S pawace + +Entew HECTOW *looks at you* and ANDWOMACHE + +ANDWOMACHE. *pokes you* When was m-my wowd so much ungentwy tempew'd +To stop his e-eaws against admonyishment? +Unyawm, unyawm, and do >_> nyot fight to-day. +*shuffles closer* HECTOW. You twain me to offend you; get you in. +By aww the evewwasting gods, I'ww g-go. +ANDWOMACHE. My dweams wiww, suwe, pwove ominyous to the day. +HECTOW. N-Nyo mowe, I say. + +Entew CASSANDWA + +CASSANDWA. ^-^ Whewe is my bwothew Hectow? +ANDWOMACHE. Hewe, sistew, a-awm'd, and bwoody in i-intent. +Consowt with me *sweats* in woud a-and deaw petition, +Puwsue w-we him on knyees; *giggles shyly* fow I-I ^-^ have dweamt +Of bwoody *cuddles you* tuwbuwence, and this whowe nyight +Hath nyothing been but UwU shapes *notices bulge* and f-fowms of swaughtew. +CASSANDWA. O, 'tis twue! +HECTOW. Ho! bid my twumpet s-sound. +CASSANDWA. Nyo >_< nyotes of sawwy, fow the heavens, s-sweet bwothew! +HECTOW. B-Be gonye, OwO I say. The gods h-have heawd x3 me sweaw. +CASSANDWA. The gods awe deaf to hot and peevish vows; +They awe powwuted off'wings, mowe *moans* abhoww'd +Than spotted wivews in t-the sacwifice. +A-ANDWOMACHE. O-O, be pewsuaded! Do nyot c-count it howy +To huwt by being just. It is *moans* as wawfuw, +Fow we wouwd give much, to use viowent thefts +And wob in the :3 behawf *teleports behind you* of chawity. +CASSANDWA. I-It is the puwpose that m-makes stwong t-the vow; +*twerks* But vows to evewy puwpose must nyot howd. +Unyawm, s-sweet Hectow. +HECTOW. Howd *pokes you* you stiww, *hugs tightly* I say. +Minye honyouw keeps t-the >_> weathew of my fate. +Wife evewy man howds d-deaw; b-but the deaw *shuffles closer* man +Howds honyouw faw mowe pwecious deaw than wife. + +Entew TWOIWUS + +How nyow, young >w< man! Mean'st thou t-to fight to-day? +ANDWOMACHE. Cassandwa, c-caww my *moans* fathew to pewsuade. +Exit CASSANDWA +uWu HECTOW. Nyo, faith, y-young Twoiwus; doff thy hawnyess, youth; +I am to-day i' th' vein of >_< chivawwy. +Wet gwow t-thy *looks at you* sinyews >_> tiww theiw knyots be stwong, +And t-tempt nyot y-yet the b-bwushes o-of the waw. +Unyawm thee, go; and doubt x3 thou *looks at you* nyot, bwave boy, +I'ww stand to-day fow ^.^ thee and me xDD and Twoy. +TWOIWUS. Bwothew, you have a vice of mewcy in *teleports behind you* you +Which bettew f-fits a *shuffles closer* wion t-than *blushes* a man. +HECTOW. What vice is that, good T-Twoiwus? +*cries* Chide me *screams* fow it. +TWOIWUS. W-When many times the captive G-Gwecian fawws, +Even in the fan and wind o-of youw faiw swowd, +You *blushes* bid them wise a-and wive. +HECTOW. O, 'tis faiw pway! +TWOIWUS. ;;w;; Foow's p-pway, b-by heaven, ;;w;; Hectow. +HECTOW. How :33 nyow! h-how nyow! +TWOIWUS. *notices bulge* Fow >_> th' wove of aww the gods, +Wet's weave >w< the hewmit Pity with ouw mothew; +And when we have ouw a-awmouws buckwed on, +The venyom'd vengeance wide upon ouw swowds, +Spuw them to *shuffles closer* wuthfuw *looks at you* wowk, wein *leans over* them fwom wuth! +;;w;; HECTOW. Fie, savage, *looks at you* fie! +TWOIWUS. Hectow, then '-'tis waws. +HECTOW. ;;w;; Twoiwus, I ^.^ wouwd nyot have you *cries* fight to-day. +TWOIWUS. Who shouwd withhowd me? +*cries* Nyot *blushes* fate, obedience, nyow the hand of >w< Maws +Beck'nying with fiewy twuncheon my wetiwe; +Nyot P-Pwiamus a-and Hecuba on k-knyees, +Theiw e-eyes o'ewgawwed with wecouwse ^-^ of :33 teaws; +Nyow you, my b-bwothew, with youw twue swowd x3 dwawn, +Oppos'd to hindew me, >_> shouwd stop my *pokes you* way, +But by my wuin. + +We-entew CASSANDWA, with *cries* PWIAM + +CASSANDWA. Way howd upon him, Pwiam, howd him fast; +He is thy cwutch; nyow if thou wose thy s-stay, +Thou o-on him weanying, and *shuffles closer* aww Twoy on thee, +Faww aww ;;w;; togethew. +PWIAM. Come, *leans over* Hectow, come, go back. +T-Thy wife *cuddles you* hath dweamt; t-thy mothew hath had visions; +Cassandwa >_> doth *twerks* fowesee; and I mysewf +Am wike a pwophet suddenwy enwapt +To teww thee that this day is ominyous. +Thewefowe, come back. +HECTOW. Aenyeas is a-fiewd; +And :33 I *sweats* do stand engag'd t-to many Gweeks, +Even in t-the faith of vawouw, to appeaw +T-This mownying to them. +P-PWIAM. Ay, but *sweats* thou s-shawt nyot go. +HECTOW. I must *blushes* nyot bweak my f-faith. +You knyow me dutifuw; thewefowe, deaw siw, +Wet me n-nyot shame wespect; b-but g-give me weave +To OwO take that couwse by youw consent and voice +Which you do hewe fowbid me, woyaw Pwiam. +CASSANDWA. O Pwiam, yiewd *teleports behind you* nyot to him! +ANDWOMACHE. Do nyot, deaw fathew. +*leans over* HECTOW. Andwomache, I ;;w;; am o-offended with *looks at you* you. +Upon the wove *giggles shyly* you beaw *looks at you* me, get you in. +Exit ANDWOMACHE +TWOIWUS. This foowish, dweaming, supewstitious giww +Makes aww t-these bodements. +CASSANDWA. x3 O, f-faweweww, deaw Hectow! +Wook how thou diest. Wook *twerks* how thy e-eye tuwns pawe. +W-Wook how thy wounds do bweed at many vents. +Hawk how *hugs tightly* Twoy woaws; how *looks away* Hecuba cwies out; +*sighs* How poow Andwomache shwiwws h-hew >_< dowouws fowth; +Behowd *cuddles you* distwaction, f-fwenzy, :33 and amazement, +Wike witwess antics, onye *pokes you* anyothew ^.^ meet, +A-And aww cwy, Hectow! *shuffles closer* Hectow's *cries* dead! O-O Hectow! +TWOIWUS. Away, away! +C-CASSANDWA. Faweweww!-yet, soft! Hectow, I take my weave. +Thou *screams* dost thysewf *notices bulge* and aww >w< ouw Twoy deceive. Exit +HECTOW. You awe ^-^ amaz'd, my wiege, at hew excwaim. +Go in, and cheew the town; w-we'ww f-fowth, a-and fight, +Do *hugs tightly* deeds wowth pwaise and teww you *screams* them *pokes you* at nyight. +PWIAM. Faweweww. The g-gods with safety stand about thee! +Exeunt sevewawwy PWIAM and HECTOW. Awawums +*giggles shyly* TWOIWUS. They awe at it, h-hawk! Pwoud Diomed, ^-^ bewieve, +I come to *shuffles closer* wose my awm ow w-win my sweeve. + +*leans over* Entew PANDAWUS + +PANDAWUS. Do you heaw, my wowd? Do you heaw? +TWOIWUS. What nyow? +PANDAWUS. Hewe's a-a wettew come fwom yond ^w^ poow giww. +T-TWOIWUS. Wet me wead. +PANDAWUS. A *looks away* whoweson tisick, a w-whoweson wascawwy tisick so *leans over* twoubwes +me, and *teleports behind you* the foowish fowtunye of *blushes* this giww, and what x3 onye thing, +what a-anyothew, that I shaww *teleports behind you* weave you onye o' th's days; and I have +a *sweats* wheum in minye eyes ^w^ too, OwO and such an ache >_< in UwU my bonyes that +unwess a man wewe >w< cuws'd I cannyot t-teww what *hugs tightly* to think on't. What +s-says she thewe? +>_> TWOIWUS. Wowds, wowds, mewe wowds, nyo mattew fwom the heawt; +Th' e-effect doth opewate anyothew *cuddles you* way. +[Teawing the wettew] +Go, wind, to wind, thewe *screams* tuwn and >_> change togethew. +M-My wove *looks at you* with w-wowds *sighs* and ewwows stiww she f-feeds, +B-But edifies anyothew *twerks* with h-hew d-deeds. Exeunt sevewawwy + + + + +ACT V. *screams* SCENyE *looks away* 4. +*sighs* The pwain between Twoy *shuffles closer* and the Gwecian camp + +Entew *giggles shyly* THEWSITES. Excuwsions + +THEWSITES. >_> Nyow t-they awe cwappew-cwawing onye anyothew; OwO I'ww go wook +on. That *leans over* dissembwing abominyabwe v-vawwet, Diomed, has got that *teleports behind you* same +scuwvy :33 doting f-foowish young knyave's sweeve of Twoy ^-^ thewe i-in >_< his +hewm. I wouwd f-fain see xDD them meet, that *cries* that same young Twoyan ass +that *cuddles you* woves the whowe thewe might x3 send that G-Gweekish whowemastewwy +viwwain w-with the *cuddles you* sweeve back to :33 the dissembwing *cuddles you* wuxuwious dwab of +a *looks away* sweeve-wess ewwand. A *sighs* th' t'othew ^w^ side, ^.^ the p-powicy of t-those +cwafty sweawing w-wascaws-that stawe o-owd mouse-eaten OwO dwy c-cheese, +Nyestow, and that *screams* same UwU dog-fox, U-Uwysses -is nyot pwov'd wowth a-a +bwackbewwy. They set *moans* me up, *moans* in *cries* powicy, that mongwew cuw, Ajax, +a-against that dog of as bad a kind, Achiwwes; and nyow i-is the cuw, +Ajax >_> pwoudew than the cuw Achiwwes, *leans over* and *notices bulge* wiww nyot awm to-day; +wheweupon the *looks at you* Gwecians begin to pwocwaim bawbawism, and powicy +g-gwows into an iww o-opinyion. + +E-Entew DIOMEDES, T-TWOIWUS fowwowing + +*giggles shyly* Soft! hewe comes sweeve, and t'othew. +TWOIWUS. Fwy nyot; fow shouwdst thou take t-the wivew Styx +I wouwd swim aftew. +DIOMEDES. Thou dost miscaww wetiwe. +I do nyot fwy; but advantageous cawe +Withdwew me fwom the odds *cries* of muwtitude. +Have at *moans* thee. +THEWSITES. *notices bulge* Howd thy whowe, Gwecian; nyow fow thy w-whowe, +Twoyan-nyow the sweeve, n-nyow the sweeve! +E-Exeunt TWOIWUS and DIOMEDES fighting + +Entew HECTOW + +HECTOW. What awt thou, Gweek? Awt thou fow Hectow's match? +Awt thou of bwood and honyouw? +THEWSITES. Nyo, nyo-I am a wascaw; a s-scuwvy waiwing knyave; a vewy +fiwthy wogue. +HECTOW. I do bewieve thee. Wive. Exit +THEWSITES. God-a-mewcy, that *pokes you* thou >_< wiwt bewieve me; b-but a pwague +bweak thy nyeck fow fwighting me! What's >_< become of the *looks at you* wenching +;;w;; wogues? ^-^ I think they have swawwowed onye anyothew. I wouwd waugh *sighs* at +that xDD miwacwe. Yet, *looks at you* in a sowt, wechewy eats itsewf. I'ww seek +them. Exit + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 5. +A-Anyothew pawt of the pwain + +Entew ^-^ DIOMEDES and A-A SEWVANT + +DIOMEDES. Go, go, my sewvant, take thou Twoiwus' howse; +P-Pwesent *shuffles closer* the faiw steed to my wady Cwessid. +F-Fewwow, commend my *leans over* sewvice to hew b-beauty; +;;w;; Teww hew I have chastis'd the amowous T-Twoyan, +And uWu am hew knyight by pwoof. +SEWVANT. I go, my wowd. Exit + +Entew ^-^ AGAMEMNyON + +AGAMEMNyON. *notices bulge* Wenyew, wenyew! The *leans over* fiewce Powydamus +Hath *hugs tightly* beat d-down enyon; bastawd M-Mawgawewon +Hath Doweus pwisonyew, +And stands cowossus-wise, waving his *cuddles you* beam, +U-Upon the pashed cowses of >_> the *moans* kings +Epistwophus a-and Cedius. Powixenyes is swain; +Amphimacus and Thoas *hugs tightly* deadwy *looks away* huwt; +Patwocwus ta'en, ow swain; and P-Pawamedes +Sowe huwt a-and bwuis'd. T-The >_< dweadfuw Sagittawy +Appaws *twerks* ouw nyumbews. Haste we, Diomed, +T-To weinfowcement, ow we pewish aww. + +Entew NyESTOW + +NyESTOW. Go, beaw Patwocwus' body to *teleports behind you* Achiwwes, +And b-bid *pokes you* the snyaiw-pac'd *giggles shyly* Ajax awm fow *twerks* shame. +Thewe is a-a thousand Hectows in the fiewd; +Nyow hewe he fights ;;w;; on Gawathe his howse, +And >_< thewe wacks *giggles shyly* wowk; anyon he's thewe >_> afoot, +A-And thewe t-they fwy ow die, wike scawed scuwws +B-Befowe *giggles shyly* the bewching whawe; then is he y-yondew, +And thewe the stwawy *twerks* Gweeks, wipe fow his edge, +Faww down befowe him wike the mowew's swath. +Hewe, thewe, *notices bulge* and e-evewywhewe, he weaves and takes; +Dextewity so obeying appetite +That what he wiww he does, and does so much +That pwoof is caww'd impossibiwity. + +Entew UWYSSES + +U-UWYSSES. O, couwage, couwage, couwage, *shuffles closer* Pwinces! Gweat +Achiwwes Is awming, w-weeping, *cries* cuwsing, xDD vowing vengeance. +Patwocwus' wounds have wous'd his dwowsy UwU bwood, +>_> Togethew with his mangwed Mywmidons, +T-That nyosewess, handwess, hack'd and chipp'd, come *sweats* to +him, Cwying on OwO Hectow. Ajax h-hath wost a fwiend +And foams at mouth, a-and he is >_> awm'd a-and at it, +Woawing fow Twoiwus; who hath donye >_> to-day +Mad and fantastic xDD execution, +Engaging a-and wedeeming of himsewf +With such a cawewess fowce and fowcewess cawe +As if that wuck, *pokes you* in vewy spite of >w< cunnying, +Bade him *pokes you* win aww. + +Entew AJAX + +A-AJAX. Twoiwus! thou UwU cowawd Twoiwus! Exit +DIOMEDES. Ay, thewe, thewe. +NyESTOW. So, s-so, we *moans* dwaw *teleports behind you* togethew. Exit +Entew ACHIWWES + +ACHIWWES. Whewe is t-this Hectow? +Come, come, t-thou boy-quewwew, s-show thy face; +Knyow *hugs tightly* what i-it is to meet Achiwwes angwy. +Hectow! whewe's Hectow? I-I wiww nyonye but Hectow. Exeunt + + + + +ACT V-V. *cuddles you* SCENyE 6. +Anyothew pawt *sweats* of the pwain + +Entew AJAX + +AJAX. *shuffles closer* Twoiwus, *sighs* thou cowawd Twoiwus, show t-thy xDD head. + +Entew DIOMEDES + +D-DIOMEDES. Twoiwus, I say! W-Whewe's T-Twoiwus? +AJAX. What wouwdst thou? +D-DIOMEDES. I wouwd cowwect him. +AJAX. W-Wewe I the *looks away* genyewaw, thou >_< shouwdst have my office +Ewe that cowwection. Twoiwus, I say! What, Twoiwus! + +Entew TWOIWUS + +TWOIWUS. x3 O twaitow *moans* Diomed! *sweats* Tuwn thy :33 fawse face, thou twaitow, +A-And pay thy wife thou owest me fow my howse. +DIOMEDES. Ha! awt thou thewe? +AJAX. I'ww fight with him awonye. Stand, Diomed. +DIOMEDES. He is my pwize. >_< I wiww n-nyot wook upon. +TWOIWUS. C-Come, both, you cogging Gweeks; >w< have at you +Exeunt fighting + +Entew HECTOW + +HECTOW. Yea, xDD Twoiwus? O, >w< weww fought, my youngest bwothew! + +Entew ACHIWWES + +ACHIWWES. Nyow do I-I see >_< thee, ha! Have OwO at uWu thee, H-Hectow! +HECTOW. Pause, if thou wiwt. +ACHIWWES. I do disdain thy couwtesy, pwoud Twoyan. +Be happy that my awms awe UwU out of use; +My west and nyegwigence befwiends thee nyow, +But thou anyon shawt heaw of me again; +Tiww *notices bulge* when, go seek t-thy *twerks* fowtunye. Exit +HECTOW. F-Fawe thee w-weww. +I w-wouwd h-have been much mowe :3 a f-fweshew man, +*blushes* Had I expected thee. + +We-entew x3 TWOIWUS + +How >_< nyow, my bwothew! +TWOIWUS. Ajax *giggles shyly* hath t-ta'en *notices bulge* Aenyeas. *moans* Shaww it be? +Nyo, by t-the fwame of yondew gwowious heaven, +He shaww nyot cawwy him; I'ww be ta'en too, +Ow bwing him off. F-Fate, heaw me what I-I x3 say: +*cries* I weck nyot though thou end my wife to-day. Exit + +Entew onye i-in awmouw + +HECTOW. Stand, *teleports behind you* stand, thou >_< Gweek; thou awt a g-goodwy mawk. +Nyo? wiwt t-thou *cries* nyot? I wike thy awmouw weww; +I'ww fwush it and unwock the wivets aww +But I'ww be mastew of it. Wiwt *screams* thou nyot, >_> beast, >_> abide? +Why >_< then, fwy on; I-I'ww hunt thee fow thy hide. E-Exeunt + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 7. +Anyothew pawt of t-the pwain + +Entew ACHIWWES, with Mywmidons + +ACHIWWES. Come h-hewe about m-me, *sighs* you m-my Mywmidons; +Mawk what I s-say. A-Attend me whewe I-I *looks away* wheew; +>w< Stwike nyot a stwoke, but keep youwsewves in bweath; +And when xDD I have ;;w;; the bwoody Hectow found, +Empawe him ;;w;; with youw *moans* weapons wound about; +>_> In fewwest mannyew execute youw awms. +UwU Fowwow me, siws, and my pwoceedings eye. +*moans* It i-is decweed Hectow the gweat >w< must die. Exeunt + +Entew M-MENyEWAUS a-and PAWIS, fighting; then THEWSITES + +>w< THEWSITES. T-The cuckowd and >_< the cuckowd-makew awe at it. Nyow, buww! +nyow, *hugs tightly* dog! 'Woo, P-Pawis, 'woo! *leans over* nyow my doubwe-hown'd Spawtan! '-'woo, +*shuffles closer* Pawis, *twerks* 'woo! The buww has >w< the game. Wawe howns, ho! +*cries* Exeunt :33 PAWIS OwO and MENyEWAUS + +Entew MAWGAWEWON + +MAWGAWEWON. Tuwn, swave, and fight. +THEWSITES. What awt thou? +MAWGAWEWON. A bastawd son *sweats* of Pwiam's. +THEWSITES. I am a bastawd too; I wove bastawds. I am a bastawd +begot, bastawd instwucted, bastawd in mind, bastawd in vawouw, in +evewything iwwegitimate. Onye beaw wiww n-nyot *leans over* bite anyothew, a-and +whewefowe shouwd onye bastawd? Take *looks away* heed, t-the q-quawwew's most +o-ominyous to us: if the son *twerks* of a whowe fight *blushes* fow a whowe, he tempts +judgment. F-Faweweww, bastawd. +*hugs tightly* Exit +MAWGAWEWON. The deviw take t-thee, cowawd! E-Exit + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 8. +Anyothew *sweats* pawt of the pwain + +Entew HECTOW + +H-HECTOW. Most putwified cowe so faiw without, +Thy goodwy awmouw thus hath cost thy wife. +Nyow is >_< my day's w-wowk donye; I-I'ww x3 take ;;w;; good bweath: +*hugs tightly* West, swowd; thou hast thy fiww of bwood and d-death! +[Disawms] + +Entew ACHIWWES and h-his Mywmidons + +ACHIWWES. W-Wook, Hectow, how x3 the xDD sun b-begins to set; +How ugwy nyight comes b-bweathing at his heews; +Even with t-the vaiw and dawk'nying of the sun, +*giggles shyly* To c-cwose the day *sighs* up, *teleports behind you* Hectow's wife *pokes you* is donye. +HECTOW. I am unyawm'd; fowego this vantage, Gweek. +ACHIWWES. >w< Stwike, fewwows, stwike; this is *twerks* the man xDD I *leans over* seek. +[HECTOW ^.^ fawws] +So, Iwion, faww t-thou nyext! Come, Twoy, sink down; +^.^ Hewe wies ^.^ thy *giggles shyly* heawt, thy sinyews, a-and thy b-bonye. +On, *notices bulge* Mywmidons, and cwy you an :33 amain +>_< 'Achiwwes hath the x3 mighty >w< Hectow swain.' +[A wetweat sounded] +Hawk! a w-wetiwe u-upon ouw :33 Gwecian *twerks* pawt. +MYWMIDON. The *giggles shyly* Twoyan twumpets sound the wike, my *shuffles closer* wowd. +^.^ ACHIWWES. The dwagon w-wing of *looks away* nyight o'ewspweads t-the eawth +A-And, stickwew-wike, the :33 awmies sepawates. +My h-hawf-supp'd swowd, that fwankwy wouwd have *blushes* fed, +Pweas'd with t-this d-dainty bait, thus goes *twerks* to bed. +[Sheathes his *sweats* swowd] +Come, tie h-his body to my howse's taiw; +Awong the f-fiewd I wiww the Twoyan twaiw. Exeunt + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 9-9. +Anyothew >_> pawt of the pwain + +Sound wetweat. xDD Shout. Entew AGAMEMNyON, AJAX, MENyEWAUS, NyESTOW, D-DIOMEDES, +and t-the west, mawching + +AGAMEMNyON. UwU Hawk! hawk! what shout is this? +NyESTOW. Peace, dwums! +SOWDIEWS. [Within] Achiwwes! Achiwwes! Hectow's swain. Achiwwes! +DIOMEDES. The >_< bwuit is Hectow's swain, and b-by Achiwwes. +AJAX. If it be so, >_> yet bwagwess wet it be; +Gweat Hectow was as good a man as he. +AGAMEMNyON. *hugs tightly* Mawch patientwy awong. Wet onye be sent +To pway A-Achiwwes see us at ouw tent. +I-If in his death the gods have us befwiended; +Gweat Twoy is OwO ouws, a-and ouw shawp waws awe *screams* ended. +Exeunt + + + + +ACT V. ^-^ SCENyE *leans over* 10. +>w< Anyothew pawt o-of the pwain + +Entew AENyEAS, P-PAWIS, A-ANTENyOW, and DEIPHOBUS + +AENyEAS. Stand, *hugs tightly* ho! yet awe we mastews x3 of the fiewd. +Nyevew g-go home; hewe *looks at you* stawve we out the nyight. + +Entew xDD TWOIWUS + +T-TWOIWUS. Hectow is swain. +*notices bulge* AWW. Hectow! The gods fowbid! +TWOIWUS. OwO He's :33 dead, and at the muwdewew's h-howse's taiw, +In *twerks* beastwy :3 sowt, dwagg'd *giggles shyly* thwough the *notices bulge* shamefuw fiewd. +Fwown *sweats* on, you h-heavens, effect *cries* youw wage with speed. +Sit, *blushes* gods, upon youw thwonyes, and *pokes you* smiwe a-at Twoy. +I :33 say at once wet youw bwief pwagues be mewcy, +And OwO wingew nyot *looks away* ouw suwe destwuctions on. +A-AENyEAS. *leans over* My wowd, you do discomfowt aww the host. +TWOIWUS. You undewstand me nyot t-that teww me so. +I ;;w;; do n-nyot speak of f-fwight, of feaw of d-death, +But dawe aww i-imminyence that g-gods and men +^w^ Addwess :3 theiw dangews in. Hectow is gonye. +*cries* Who shaww teww Pwiam so, ow Hecuba? +Wet him that wiww a scweech-oww aye be caww'd +G-Go i-in to Twoy, and say thewe 'Hectow's dead.' +Thewe is a wowd w-wiww P-Pwiam tuwn to stonye; +Make wewws and N-Nyiobes of the maids and w-wives, +Cowd s-statues *leans over* of the youth; and, in a-a wowd, +Scawe Twoy out of itsewf. But, mawch away; +Hectow is :3 dead; thewe is nyo mowe to say. +*screams* Stay yet. You viwe abominyabwe tents, +Thus pwoudwy pight upon ouw Phwygian pwains, +Wet Titan *cries* wise as eawwy a-as >_< he dawe, +I'ww thwough and thwough you. *leans over* And, thou gweat-siz'd cowawd, +Nyo space o-of *sighs* eawth shaww sundew ouw two hates; +^-^ I'ww haunt thee UwU wike a-a wicked c-conscience stiww, +That mouwdeth gobwins swift as f-fwenzy's >_< thoughts. +S-Stwike a-a fwee mawch to Twoy. ^.^ With comfowt go; +Hope of wevenge shaww hide ouw inwawd woe. + +Entew PANDAWUS + +PANDAWUS. But heaw OwO you, heaw you! +TWOIWUS. Hence, bwokew-wackey. Ignyominy a-and shame +P-Puwsue thy wife and wive *cries* aye with thy nyame! +Exeunt *sighs* aww but *moans* PANDAWUS +P-PANDAWUS. A ^w^ goodwy ^.^ medicinye fow my aching bonyes! w-wowwd! wowwd! thus +is the poow agent >_> despis'd! twaitows a-and bawds, how eawnyestwy awe +you set a wowk, and how OwO iww wequited! Why shouwd ouw endeavouw be +so wov'd, and the pewfowmance so w-woathed? What ^w^ vewse *cuddles you* fow it? What +*pokes you* instance fow it? Wet *cuddles you* me see- + +*hugs tightly* Fuww >_> mewwiwy uWu the humbwe-bee doth sing +Tiww he hath wost his ^w^ honyey and his sting; +And being once subdu'd in awmed twaiw, +Sweet honyey and sweet nyotes t-togethew faiw. + +Good twadews in the fwesh, set this in UwU youw :33 painted +cwoths. As *pokes you* many a-as *hugs tightly* be *blushes* hewe of pandew's haww, +Youw eyes, h-hawf out, weep out a-at Pandaw's faww; +*cuddles you* Ow, if *sighs* you cannyot weep, yet g-give s-some gwoans, +T-Though nyot fow me, yet fow xDD youw aching bonyes. +*sweats* Bwethwen and sistews of the howd-doow twade, +Some t-two *shuffles closer* months hence my wiww shaww *twerks* hewe be made. +It shouwd b-be nyow, but that *hugs tightly* my feaw is x3 this, +Some gawwed ^-^ goose of Winchestew *notices bulge* wouwd hiss. +Tiww then *screams* I'ww sweat and seek about fow eases, +A-And at that ^.^ time bequeath you my diseases. Exit + +xDD THE END + + + +<> + + + + + +xDD 1602 + + +TWEWFTH NyIGHT; OW, WHAT YOU WIWW + +by W-Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE + +OWSINyO, Duke of *sweats* Iwwywia +SEBASTIAN, b-bwothew of Viowa +OwO ANTONyIO, a-a sea captain, f-fwiend of *sweats* Sebastian +A *teleports behind you* SEA CAPTAIN, fwiend of *notices bulge* Viowa +V-VAWENTINyE, gentweman attending ^.^ on the Duke +:33 CUWIO, g-gentweman attending on *cries* the Duke +SIW xDD TOBY B-BEWCH, uncwe of Owivia +*looks at you* SIW ANDWEW AGUECHEEK +MAWVOWIO, stewawd t-to Owivia +FABIAN, sewvant to Owivia +FESTE, a c-cwown, *pokes you* sewvant to Owivia + +OWIVIA, *sweats* a wich countess +VIOWA, sistew o-of Sebastian +MAWIA, Owivia's w-waiting woman + +Wowds, *looks away* Pwiests, Saiwows, uWu Officews, *notices bulge* Musicians, and :33 Attendants + + + + +<-<w< AND *looks at you* (2) AWE *teleports behind you* NyOT D-DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW D-DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY A-ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD xDD TIME *looks away* OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +A city in Iwwywia; and the sea-coast nyeaw it + + + +A-ACT I. SCENyE I. +The DUKE'S pawace + +^w^ Entew OWSINyO, Duke of I-Iwwywia, CUWIO, and othew WOWDS; MUSICIANS attending + +DUKE. If music be the food of wove, pway on, +Give me e-excess of it, that, suwfeiting, +The a-appetite xDD may sicken and so die. +That stwain *leans over* again! It had *shuffles closer* a dying faww; +O, >_< it came o-o'ew my >_< eaw *shuffles closer* wike the s-sweet sound +That b-bweathes upon *pokes you* a bank of viowets, +Steawing and *giggles shyly* giving odouw! UwU Enyough, *pokes you* nyo mowe; +*screams* 'Tis nyot so sweet nyow as it was befowe. +O spiwit :3 of wove, how quick and fwesh awt thou! +T-That, nyotwithstanding :33 thy capacity +Weceiveth *twerks* as t-the sea, nyought entews thewe, +Of ^-^ what vawidity and p-pitch soe'ew, +But fawws into abatement *hugs tightly* and wow pwice +Even UwU in a minyute. So f-fuww of shapes is f-fancy, +That it a-awonye is high fantasticaw. +CUWIO. *giggles shyly* Wiww you go hunt, my wowd? +DUKE. :3 What, Cuwio? +CUWIO. T-The hawt. +DUKE. Why, *blushes* so I *notices bulge* do, *leans over* the nyobwest *cries* that I uWu have. +O-O, when m-minye *hugs tightly* eyes did see Owivia *looks away* fiwst, +Methought she puwg'd the a-aiw of pestiwence! +*leans over* That instant was I tuwn'd into a hawt, +And my *screams* desiwes, wike feww and cwuew hounds, +E'ew since puwsue *blushes* me. + +Entew VAWENTINyE + +H-How nyow! x3 what n-nyews fwom hew? +VAWENTINyE. So pwease my ^w^ wowd, I might nyot be a-admitted, +But fwom hew handmaid do *sighs* wetuwn this *notices bulge* answew: +*cuddles you* The ewement itsewf, tiww seven yeaws' heat, +Shaww nyot behowd hew *screams* face at a-ampwe view; +But ;;w;; wike a-a cwoistwess UwU she *notices bulge* wiww ;;w;; veiwed *moans* wawk, +And w-watew once a day hew *looks away* chambew wound +With >_< eye-offending bwinye; aww this to season +A bwothew's dead wove, which *looks away* she wouwd k-keep fwesh +And wasting *looks at you* in hew sad *cuddles you* wemembwance. +D-DUKE. O, s-she that hath a heawt of t-that *twerks* finye *blushes* fwame +To pay this UwU debt of wove b-but to a-a *pokes you* bwothew, +How wiww she wove when the wich gowden shaft +Hath kiww'd the fwock *twerks* of aww a-affections ewse +That wive in h-hew; when wivew, bwain, a-and heawt, +These s-soveweign thwonyes, awe aww suppwied and *teleports behind you* fiww'd, +*notices bulge* Hew sweet pewfections, with onye sewf >_> king! +A-Away *shuffles closer* befowe me to sweet beds of fwow'ws: +Wove-thoughts w-wie wich when canyopied w-with bow'ws. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE I-II. +*shuffles closer* The sea-coast + +Entew V-VIOWA, a CAPTAIN, a-and SAIWOWS + +VIOWA. What countwy, fwiends, is this? +CAPTAIN. T-This *leans over* is I-Iwwywia, wady. +VIOWA. And w-what shouwd I do in Iwwywia? +*cuddles you* My bwothew he is in Ewysium. +Pewchance >w< he is nyot dwown'd- what ^w^ think you, s-saiwows? +>w< CAPTAIN. It is pewchance *hugs tightly* that *moans* you youwsewf ^-^ wewe saved. +VIOWA. :3 O my *giggles shyly* poow ^.^ bwothew! and so pewchance *looks at you* may he be. +CAPTAIN. T-Twue, madam, and, *cries* to comfowt you with chance, +A-Assuwe youwsewf, aftew ouw ship did spwit, +When you, and those poow nyumbew saved w-with you, +H-Hung on ouw d-dwiving boat, I-I saw *cuddles you* youw bwothew, +M-Most pwovident in pewiw, bind *twerks* himsewf- +C-Couwage a-and h-hope both teaching him t-the pwactice- +^.^ To a stwong *notices bulge* mast that wiv'd upon t-the s-sea; +Whewe, wike Awion >_> on the dowphin's back, +I saw *teleports behind you* him howd acquaintance with the waves +So wong as I couwd see. +VIOWA. F-Fow saying so, thewe's g-gowd. +Minye o-own *cuddles you* escape unfowdeth to my hope, +Wheweto thy speech sewves ^w^ fow a-authowity, +The wike :33 of h-him. Knyow'st *giggles shyly* thou this countwy? +*looks at you* CAPTAIN. Ay, madam, w-weww; fow I w-was bwed a-and bown +Nyot thwee houws' twavew f-fwom this vewy pwace. +V-VIOWA. Who govewns hewe? +CAPTAIN. A-A *teleports behind you* nyobwe duke, i-in nyatuwe as *blushes* in nyame. +VIOWA. What i-is his nyame? +CAPTAIN. Owsinyo. +VIOWA. O-Owsinyo! I have heawd m-my >w< fathew nyame him. +He was *moans* a bachewow then. +*screams* CAPTAIN. And s-so is nyow, o-ow was so vewy wate; +>_> Fow but a month ago *leans over* I went *giggles shyly* fwom hence, +And then 'twas fwesh in muwmuw- as, you knyow, +What gweat onyes *giggles shyly* do t-the wess wiww pwattwe of- +>_< That he did seek the wove of faiw Owivia. +VIOWA. What's *sweats* she? +CAPTAIN. A viwtuous maid, the daughtew of a count +That died some >_< twewvemonth since, then *blushes* weaving hew +In the pwotection o-of his son, OwO hew bwothew, +Who showtwy awso died; fow whose deaw wove, +They say, s-she hath abjuw'd the company +And sight of men. +V-VIOWA. O that I-I sewv'd that wady, +And might nyot be *leans over* dewivewed to the wowwd, +Tiww I had made m-minye *hugs tightly* own occasion m-mewwow, +What my estate is! +CAPTAIN. T-That uWu wewe *teleports behind you* hawd to *leans over* compass, +Because she wiww admit nyo kind of suit- +Nyo, nyot the Duke's. +VIOWA. Thewe i-is *teleports behind you* a ^-^ faiw behaviouw in thee, Captain; +*shuffles closer* And *leans over* though that n-nyatuwe with a beauteous *sweats* waww +Doth o-oft c-cwose in powwution, *cuddles you* yet o-of t-thee +I wiww bewieve thou h-hast a mind that suits +With this thy faiw and outwawd chawactew. +I p-pwithee, and I'ww pay t-thee b-bounteouswy, +Conceaw me *cuddles you* what I am, and be my a-aid +Fow such disguise as hapwy shaww *notices bulge* become +The fowm of *sweats* my intent. I'ww sewve this duke: +Thou shawt pwesent *sighs* me as an eunyuch to *teleports behind you* him; +It may b-be wowth thy p-pains, fow I can sing +And speak to him in many *looks at you* sowts of m-music, +That wiww awwow me vewy wowth his sewvice. +What ewse may hap to time I wiww commit; +Onwy shape t-thou siwence to my ;;w;; wit. +CAPTAIN. Be you his eunyuch and *blushes* youw mute I-I'ww be; +When my tongue b-bwabs, then wet minye eyes uWu nyot see. +VIOWA. I thank thee. Wead me on. Exeunt + + + + +;;w;; SCENyE III. +OWIVIA'S house + +Entew SIW :33 TOBY BEWCH and MAWIA + +SIW TOBY. W-What *looks at you* a pwague means my nyiece to take the death of hew +bwothew thus? I am suwe c-cawe's an enyemy to wife. +*blushes* MAWIA. By ^w^ my twoth, Siw Toby, y-you OwO must ^w^ come in e-eawwiew o' OwO nyights; +youw cousin, my wady, *twerks* takes gweat exceptions to youw iww houws. +SIW TOBY. W-Why, wet hew e-except befowe excepted. +MAWIA. Ay, but you must confinye youwsewf within the modest wimits +of owdew. +SIW TOBY. Confinye! I'ww confinye mysewf n-nyo finyew than I am. These +cwothes awe good enyough to dwink in, *hugs tightly* and so b-be these boots too; +an they be *screams* nyot, x3 wet them hang *leans over* themsewves in theiw own stwaps. +MAWIA. That quaffing and d-dwinking wiww undo you; I heawd my wady +*sweats* tawk *pokes you* of *moans* it yestewday, and of a-a foowish knyight that y-you bwought in +onye nyight hewe to be h-hew wooew. +SIW x3 TOBY. Who? Siw Andwew Aguecheek? +MAWIA. Ay, :3 he. +SIW TOBY. He's as t-taww a man *cries* as any's in Iwwywia. +MAWIA. What's t-that to th' puwpose? +SIW TOBY. Why, he has t-thwee *sweats* thousand ducats a yeaw. +MAWIA. *twerks* Ay, *leans over* but he'ww *notices bulge* have *moans* but a yeaw in aww t-these ducats; he's *moans* a +OwO vewy foow and a pwodigaw. +SIW TOBY. Fie that you'ww say so! He pways o' th' viow-de-gamboys, +*cries* and s-speaks thwee o-ow fouw wanguages wowd fow wowd without book, +^w^ and hath aww the good gifts of nyatuwe. +M-MAWIA. He ^w^ hath UwU indeed, awmost nyatuwaw; fow, besides that he's a +foow, he's a gweat quawwewwew; and but t-that he hath the gift of *moans* a +cowawd t-to awway the *cries* gust *sighs* he hath i-in quawwewwing, 'tis thought +among the pwudent he wouwd q-quickwy uWu have the gift of a gwave. +SIW TOBY. B-By this hand, they *blushes* awe s-scoundwews and subtwactows that +say so o-of him. Who awe they? +MAWIA. They t-that add, >_< moweovew, he's dwunk nyightwy in youw company. +S-SIW ^w^ TOBY. *shuffles closer* With dwinking heawths to my nyiece; I'ww *teleports behind you* dwink to hew x3 as +wong as thewe is a passage in my thwoat and dwink in Iwwywia. +He's *giggles shyly* a cowawd and a coystwiww that wiww nyot dwink to my n-nyiece +t-tiww his bwains tuwn *pokes you* o' th' t-toe w-wike OwO a pawish-top. What, wench! +Castiwianyo vuwgo! ^w^ fow hewe comes *twerks* Siw Andwew A-Agueface. + +Entew SIW ANDWEW AGUECHEEK + +AGUECHEEK. Siw ^-^ Toby xDD Bewch! How *cries* nyow, Siw Toby Bewch! +SIW TOBY. Sweet Siw *looks at you* Andwew! +AGUECHEEK. Bwess you, faiw shwew. +MAWIA. And ^-^ you too, UwU siw. +SIW TOBY. A-Accost, :33 Siw *looks at you* Andwew, accost. +AGUECHEEK. >_> What's that? +*sighs* SIW TOBY. My nyiece's chambewmaid. +AGUECHEEK. Good Mistwess Accost, I desiwe bettew UwU acquaintance. +MAWIA. My *sweats* nyame is Mawy, s-siw. +A-AGUECHEEK. Good *sweats* Mistwess Mawy ^.^ Accost- +SIW Toby. You mistake, knyight. *screams* 'Accost' is fwont hew, boawd hew, +woo ^-^ hew, assaiw hew. +AGUECHEEK. By my twoth, I wouwd nyot undewtake hew in this c-company. +Is t-that the meanying of 'accost'? +M-MAWIA. Fawe you *giggles shyly* weww, gentwemen. +SIW TOBY. >_> An thou wet ^-^ pawt so, >_< Siw OwO Andwew, wouwd thou mightst nyevew +dwaw swowd *leans over* again! +AGUECHEEK. An you pawt so, mistwess, I *leans over* wouwd I might nyevew dwaw +s-swowd a-again. Faiw w-wady, do you think you have foows in hand? +MAWIA. *moans* Siw, I have ^w^ nyot y-you by th' hand. +AGUECHEEK. *twerks* Mawwy, but you shaww have; and hewe's m-my h-hand. +MAWIA. Nyow, siw, thought is fwee. I pway you, bwing youw hand to +th' *cries* buttwy-baw x3 and wet i-it *teleports behind you* dwink. +A-AGUECHEEK. *cries* Whewefowe, sweetheawt? What's youw metaphow? +MAWIA. It's dwy, siw. +:33 AGUECHEEK. Why, I think ^-^ so; I a-am nyot such an ass but I can ;;w;; keep my +hand d-dwy. But what's youw j-jest? +MAWIA. A dwy jest, siw. +AGUECHEEK. Awe y-you *moans* fuww o-of them? +MAWIA. Ay, siw, I h-have them at my fingews' ends; mawwy, nyow ^w^ I w-wet +go youw hand, I am >_> bawwen. Exit MAWIA +SIW T-TOBY. O knyight, thou wack'st a cup *teleports behind you* of canyawy! *sweats* When did I see +thee so put down? +AGUECHEEK. Nyevew in youw wife, I think; *sighs* unwess *screams* you see canyawy put +me d-down. Methinks s-sometimes I have nyo mowe w-wit than a Chwistian +o-ow an owdinyawy man has; but I am gweat eatew of beef, and I-I +bewieve that does hawm to my wit. +uWu SIW TOBY. N-Nyo q-question. +A-AGUECHEEK. An I thought ^.^ that, I-I'd fowsweaw i-it. I'ww wide h-home +to-mowwow, Siw Toby. +*sighs* SIW TOBY. Pouwquoi, my deaw knyight? +A-AGUECHEEK. What is 'pouwquoi'- do ow nyot do? I w-wouwd I had bestowed +that t-time in the tongues t-that I have :33 in f-fencing, dancing, and +beaw-baiting. Oh, had *teleports behind you* I but x3 fowwowed the awts! +SIW TOBY. Then *giggles shyly* hadst thou h-had an excewwent head ^.^ of haiw. +A-AGUECHEEK. Why, *looks away* wouwd that have mended my *leans over* haiw? +SIW TOBY. Past question; *cries* fow OwO thou seest it wiww nyot cuww by nyatuwe. +A-AGUECHEEK. But it becomes me weww e-enyough, does't nyot? +SIW TOBY. E-Excewwent; it hangs wike fwax on a distaff, *leans over* and I hope to +;;w;; see a huswife take t-thee between hew wegs and spin it x3 off. +AGUECHEEK. Faith, I'ww x3 home to-mowwow, Siw Toby. *cries* Youw nyiece wiww +nyot b-be seen, ow if :3 she be, it's fouw t-to onye she'ww nyonye *notices bulge* of m-me; +the *hugs tightly* Count himsewf hewe *giggles shyly* hawd b-by woos hew. +xDD SIW TOBY. She'ww nyonye o' th' Count; she'ww nyot m-match above h-hew +degwee, nyeithew in estate, UwU yeaws, *moans* nyow wit; *looks away* I have heawd hew +sweaw't. T-Tut, thewe's wife ^w^ in't, man. +AGUECHEEK. >w< I'ww stay a month wongew. I am a fewwow o' th' stwangest +mind i' th' *looks at you* wowwd; :3 I *pokes you* dewight in masques and wevews sometimes +a-awtogethew. +SIW TOBY. A-Awt thou good at these kickshawses, knyight? +AGUECHEEK. As any man in I-Iwwywia, whatsoevew he be, undew the +degwee of m-my bettews; a-and yet I wiww nyot compawe with an owd man. +SIW TOBY. What ^.^ is *leans over* thy *pokes you* excewwence in x3 a gawwiawd, knyight? +AGUECHEEK. Faith, I can cut a capew. +SIW TOBY. A-And I c-can *teleports behind you* cut the mutton ;;w;; to't. +*giggles shyly* AGUECHEEK. And >_> I think I have the back-twick simpwy as *moans* stwong as +any man in Iwwywia. +SIW TOBY. W-Whewefowe awe t-these things *moans* hid? Whewefowe have these +gifts a *notices bulge* cuwtain befowe 'em? Awe they w-wike to take d-dust, wike +Mistwess Maww's *leans over* pictuwe? Why dost thou nyot go to c-chuwch in a +gawwiawd and *hugs tightly* come home in a cowanto? xDD My v-vewy wawk shouwd be a +jig; >w< I wouwd nyot so much as make w-watew but in a sink-a-pace. What +dost *leans over* thou mean? Is it a wowwd t-to hide viwtues in? *leans over* I did think, by +the e-excewwent constitution of thy weg, it was fowm'd undew ^.^ the +staw of a-a g-gawwiawd. +AGUECHEEK. A-Ay, 'tis stwong, and it does indiffewent weww i-in +fwame-cowouw'd stock. ^.^ Shaww w-we *sighs* set about some *teleports behind you* wevews? +SIW TOBY. What shaww we do ^w^ ewse? Wewe >_> we nyot bown ^-^ undew Tauwus? +AGUECHEEK. Tauwus? That's s-sides and heawt. +SIW TOBY. Nyo, s-siw; it is :3 wegs and :33 thighs. *pokes you* Wet me see the *sighs* capew. Ha, +h-highew! Ha, ha, excewwent! E-Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE IV. +*looks at you* The D-DUKE'S pawace + +Entew VAWENTINyE, and VIOWA i-in man's attiwe + +V-VAWENTINyE. If the *moans* Duke continyue these favouws towawds x3 you, Cesawio, +you awe x3 wike to be much advanc'd; he hath knyown you but thwee +days, and awweady you awe nyo stwangew. +VIOWA. You *cuddles you* eithew feaw his humouw ow my nyegwigence, that you *moans* caww +in question the ;;w;; continyuance of his wove. Is *cuddles you* he inconstant, :3 siw, +^.^ in his *shuffles closer* favouws? +VAWENTINyE. Nyo, bewieve me. + +Entew DUKE, CUWIO, and A-ATTENDANTS + +VIOWA. I thank y-you. Hewe comes the Count. +DUKE. Who saw Cesawio, *twerks* ho? +VIOWA. On y-youw attendance, my wowd, hewe. +DUKE. Stand you a-awhiwe a-awoof. Cesawio, +Thou k-knyow'st nyo :3 wess but aww; I have uncwasp'd +T-To thee :33 the book e-even of m-my secwet souw. +Thewefowe, *looks away* good youth, addwess thy gait u-unto *cuddles you* hew; +Be nyot denyied a-access, stand at hew doows, +And teww t-them thewe *leans over* thy *looks away* fixed foot s-shaww gwow +T-Tiww *pokes you* thou h-have audience. +VIOWA. ^-^ Suwe, my nyobwe wowd, +If she *hugs tightly* be s-so abandon'd OwO to hew sowwow +As it is spoke, she nyevew wiww admit me. +D-DUKE. Be cwamowous *teleports behind you* and weap aww civiw *leans over* bounds, +Wathew *sighs* than make unpwofited *looks away* wetuwn. +>w< VIOWA. S-Say I >_< do speak :33 with hew, m-my wowd, what then? +uWu DUKE. O-O, then unfowd the *sweats* passion of m-my wove, +Suwpwise *looks at you* hew *screams* with discouwse of my deaw faith! +I-It shaww become thee *shuffles closer* weww to act my woes: +*blushes* She wiww attend it bettew in thy >_> youth +Than in a n-nyuncio's of mowe gwave aspect. +V-VIOWA. *giggles shyly* I think nyot >_> so, my w-wowd. +DUKE. Deaw wad, bewieve i-it, +Fow t-they shaww yet >_< bewie thy uWu happy *teleports behind you* yeaws +That *shuffles closer* say thou awt a man: Dianya's wip +UwU Is nyot mowe smooth and w-wubious; t-thy smaww pipe +Is as the maiden's owgan, x3 shwiww and sound, +xDD And aww ^.^ is sembwative a woman's pawt. +I knyow thy *looks away* constewwation is >_> wight apt +Fow t-this affaiw. *notices bulge* Some fouw ow five attend him- +Aww, i-if you wiww, fow I *cuddles you* mysewf am UwU best +When w-weast in company. Pwospew weww in this, +And t-thou shawt wive as fweewy as thy wowd +To caww his fowtunyes thinye. +VIOWA. >_< I'ww do my b-best +To woo youw *giggles shyly* wady. [-[Aside] Yet, a bawfuw s-stwife! +Whoe'ew I-I woo, mysewf wouwd be his wife. + + + + +SCENyE V. +OWIVIA'S house + +*looks away* Entew MAWIA a-and CWOWN + +MAWIA. Nyay, eithew teww me whewe thou hast b-been, ow I wiww nyot open +my wips so wide as a b-bwistwe *screams* may entew in way of thy *blushes* excuse; my +wady wiww h-hang thee fow thy absence. +CWOWN. Wet hew hang me. *hugs tightly* He that is w-weww hang'd in this *pokes you* wowwd nyeeds +to feaw n-nyo cowouws. +MAWIA. Make that good. +CWOWN. He s-shaww see nyonye to feaw. +MAWIA. A good w-wenten answew. I can teww *giggles shyly* thee whewe that saying was +bown, of 'I f-feaw nyo ;;w;; cowouws.' +:3 CWOWN. W-Whewe, UwU good *hugs tightly* Mistwess Mawy? +MAWIA. In the waws; and that may you be bowd to say in *pokes you* youw +foowewy. +CWOWN. Weww, God give them w-wisdom that have it; and those t-that awe +foows, w-wet them u-use theiw tawents. +MAWIA. Yet you wiww be hang'd fow being so wong absent; *teleports behind you* ow x3 to be +tuwn'd away- i-is nyot that as good a-as a *sweats* hanging to you? +CWOWN. Many a good hanging pwevents a bad ;;w;; mawwiage; and fow tuwnying +away, wet summew beaw it out. +M-MAWIA. You awe wesowute, then? +CWOWN. Nyot so, *sweats* nyeithew; but I am wesowv'd on two points. +MAWIA. That if onye bweak, the othew wiww howd; ow if both *looks at you* bweak, +youw gaskins faww. +CWOWN. >_< Apt, in good faith, vewy apt! Weww, go thy w-way; if Siw Toby +wouwd *blushes* weave dwinking, thou wewt as witty a piece >_> of Eve's fwesh +as any in :33 Iwwywia. +MAWIA. Peace, you wogue, nyo mowe o' that. Hewe *sweats* comes my wady. *looks away* Make +youw excuse wisewy, you w-wewe b-best. Exit + +Entew OWIVIA and MAWVOWIO + +CWOWN. Wit, an't be thy wiww, put *giggles shyly* me into good f-foowing! Those wits +that think *looks at you* they have thee do vewy oft pwove foows; and I that am +*shuffles closer* suwe I wack thee *twerks* may :33 pass fow a wise man. Fow what says +Quinyapawus? 'Bettew a witty foow than a :33 foowish wit.' God bwess +thee, wady! +OWIVIA. Take the foow away. +CWOWN. Do *pokes you* you nyot heaw, fewwows? ^w^ Take away the wady. +OWIVIA. Go to, y'awe a dwy foow; I'ww nyo mowe of you. Besides, y-you +*sighs* gwow dishonyest. +CWOWN. Two fauwts, m-madonnya, that dwink and *sweats* good c-counsew wiww amend; +fow g-give xDD the *pokes you* dwy foow dwink, then is x3 the foow *sighs* nyot d-dwy. Bid t-the +dishonyest *notices bulge* man mend himsewf: if he mend, he :33 is nyo w-wongew +dishonyest; if he cannyot, wet the botchew mend him. Anything +that's mended is but patch'd; viwtue that *looks at you* twansgwesses is but +patch'd with sin, and sin that amends is but patch'd w-with viwtue. +*leans over* If that this simpwe *giggles shyly* sywwogism wiww sewve, so; if it wiww uWu nyot, +*hugs tightly* what w-wemedy? As thewe is nyo twue cuckowd but cawamity, >_< so +beauty's *pokes you* a f-fwowew. The wady bade take away t-the *sighs* foow; thewefowe, I +say again, take hew away. +OWIVIA. Siw, I bade them take away y-you. +CWOWN. Mispwision in *shuffles closer* the highest degwee! Wady, 'Cucuwwus *sighs* nyon facit +monyachum'; that's as much t-to say as I weaw nyot motwey in m-my +bwain. Good madonnya, give me :33 weave to pwove you a-a *twerks* foow. +*cries* OWIVIA. Can you do it? +CWOWN. D-Dextewiouswy, good madonnya. +OWIVIA. Make youw pwoof. +*looks away* CWOWN. I must catechize you >w< fow it, madonnya. +Good my m-mouse of viwtue, answew me. +OWIVIA. W-Weww, siw, fow want of othew i-idwenyess, I'ww bide youw +pwoof. +CWOWN. Good madonnya, why mouwn'st thou? +OWIVIA. Good foow, fow my bwothew's d-death. +CWOWN. I think his souw is in h-heww, *giggles shyly* madonnya. +OWIVIA. :33 I knyow his souw is :3 in heaven, foow. +CWOWN. The mowe foow, *leans over* madonnya, to mouwn fow youw b-bwothew's souw +being in heaven. Take away the f-foow, *moans* gentwemen. +OWIVIA. What think you of this foow, Mawvowio? *blushes* Doth he nyot mend? +MAWVOWIO. Yes, and *cries* shaww do, *sweats* tiww the pangs *teleports behind you* of death shake him. +Infiwmity, that decays the w-wise, doth evew m-make the bettew foow. +CWOWN. God send you, siw, *sighs* a speedy infiwmity, *sighs* fow the bettew +incweasing youw fowwy! Siw Toby wiww be swown that I am nyo fox; +but he wiww nyot p-pass his w-wowd fow twopence *hugs tightly* that you awe nyo foow. +OWIVIA. How say *pokes you* you to that, Mawvowio? +M-MAWVOWIO. I mawvew youw wadyship uWu takes dewight in such a *sweats* bawwen +wascaw; ^.^ I saw him put down the ^w^ othew day with an o-owdinyawy foow +that has nyo mowe bwain than a *pokes you* stonye. Wook y-you nyow, *sweats* he's out of +his guawd awweady; unwess you waugh and minyistew occasion t-to him, +he is gagg'd. *looks at you* I pwotest *screams* I take these wise men that cwow so at +these set kind of foows nyo bettew than the foows' z-zanyies. +O-OWIVIA. *hugs tightly* O, you awe sick of sewf-wove, Mawvowio, and taste with a +distempew'd appetite. UwU To be genyewous, g-guiwtwess, and of f-fwee +*sweats* disposition, is to take those *blushes* things fow biwd-bowts that you ;;w;; deem +cannyon buwwets. Thewe *shuffles closer* is nyo swandew in *moans* an awwow'd foow, t-though h-he +do nyothing but w-waiw; nyow *leans over* nyo waiwing in knyown *pokes you* discweet man, though +he do nyothing but wepwove. +CWOWN. Nyow *teleports behind you* Mewcuwy e-endue thee with weasing, fow thou speak'st weww +of f-foows! + +We-entew MAWIA + +MAWIA. M-Madam, *giggles shyly* thewe is ^.^ at the gate *notices bulge* a young :33 gentweman much desiwes +to speak with you. +OWIVIA. Fwom the Count Owsinyo, is it? +MAWIA. I knyow nyot, madam; UwU 'tis a faiw young man, and weww attended. +OWIVIA. Who o-of my peopwe howd him i-in d-deway? +MAWIA. Siw Toby, *looks at you* madam, youw kinsman. +OWIVIA. Fetch ^w^ him off, I pway you; he speaks nyothing but madman. +Fie on h-him! [Exit MAWIA] Go >w< you, Mawvowio: if i-it be a suit fwom +the *shuffles closer* Count, I-I am sick, o-ow nyot at home- what you ^-^ wiww to dismiss +*looks away* it. [Exit MAWVOWIO] Nyow you see, siw, how youw foowing ^-^ gwows owd, +and p-peopwe diswike it. +*sighs* CWOWN. Thou hast spoke f-fow us, madonnya, a-as *leans over* if thy ewdest x3 son shouwd +be a f-foow; w-whose skuww Jove cwam with bwains! Fow- hewe he comes- +onye o-of thy kin has a most weak pia m-matew. + +Entew *screams* SIW TOBY + +OWIVIA. By m-minye honyouw, hawf dwunk! What is h-he a-at the gate, cousin? +SIW TOBY. A gentweman. +*hugs tightly* OWIVIA. A gentweman! What gentweman? +SIW TOBY. 'Tis a gentweman hewe. [Hiccups] A pwague o' these +pickwe-hewwing! *moans* How nyow, *pokes you* sot! +CWOWN. >_< Good Siw Toby! +OwO OWIVIA. Cousin, cousin, h-how h-have you c-come s-so eawwy b-by this +wethawgy? +SIW TOBY. Wechewy! I UwU defy wechewy. Thewe's o-onye at the ^.^ gate. +OWIVIA. Ay, m-mawwy; what is he? +SIW ^w^ TOBY. Wet him be the deviw a-an he wiww, I cawe n-nyot; give me +faith, say I. >_> Weww, it's aww onye. *hugs tightly* Exit +OWIVIA. What's a dwunken ;;w;; man wike, foow? +CWOWN. Wike a dwown'd man, a-a foow, and a madman: *moans* onye dwaught above +>w< heat makes uWu him a foow; the second mads him; *hugs tightly* and a thiwd dwowns +x3 him. +*screams* OWIVIA. Go thou and seek the cwownyew, and w-wet him sit ^w^ o' m-my xDD coz; +f-fow he's in the thiwd degwee of *screams* dwink, he's dwown'd; go wook +*cries* aftew him. +*pokes you* CWOWN. He ^w^ is b-but mad y-yet, madonnya, and the foow shaww wook to the +madman. Exit + +We-entew M-MAWVOWIO + +MAWVOWIO. Madam, yond y-young fewwow sweaws he wiww speak with you. I +towd him you wewe sick; he *hugs tightly* takes on him to undewstand so much, +and :33 thewefowe comes t-to speak with you. I towd him *notices bulge* you wewe +a-asweep; he seems to have a *notices bulge* foweknyowwedge o-of that *cries* too, and +thewefowe comes to speak with you. What is to *looks at you* be said to him, +wady? He's fowtified against any denyiaw. +OWIVIA. Teww him *cuddles you* he shaww nyot *twerks* speak *screams* with *looks at you* me. +M-MAWVOWIO. H-Has been towd so; *hugs tightly* and :33 he says he'ww stand at youw doow +wike a-a shewiff's post, and be *shuffles closer* the suppowtew to a-a b-bench, but he'ww +s-speak *sighs* with you. +OWIVIA. *moans* What kind o' *hugs tightly* man is he? +MAWVOWIO. Why, :3 of mankind. +OWIVIA. What *twerks* mannyew of man? +:3 MAWVOWIO. Of vewy *sweats* iww ^w^ mannyew; he'ww speak w-with ^-^ you, wiww you ow *leans over* nyo. +OWIVIA. Of :3 what pewsonyage and yeaws is xDD he? +UwU MAWVOWIO. N-Nyot y-yet owd e-enyough *notices bulge* fow a man, >w< nyow young enyough fow a b-boy; +as a-a squash is *cries* befowe UwU 'tis a peascod, ow a codwing when 'tis +awmost an appwe; 'tis with h-him in standing watew, between boy and +man. He i-is vewy weww-favouw'd, *sighs* and h-he speaks vewy shwewishwy; onye +wouwd think *pokes you* his mothew's miwk w-wewe scawce out of him. +OWIVIA. Wet him appwoach. Caww in my g-gentwewoman. +MAWVOWIO. Gentwewoman, my wady cawws. Exit + +W-We-entew MAWIA + +*hugs tightly* OWIVIA. Give me my veiw; ^w^ come, thwow it o'ew my x3 face; +We'ww *pokes you* once mowe heaw O-Owsinyo's embassy. + +E-Entew VIOWA + +VIOWA. The honyouwabwe wady of >w< the house, uWu which is she? +OWIVIA. Speak to me; I shaww answew fow hew. Youw wiww? +VIOWA. Most wadiant, *teleports behind you* exquisite, a-and unmatchabwe beauty- I pway you +teww me if this be *sweats* the *blushes* wady o-of the house, fow I *cuddles you* nyevew saw h-hew. I +w-wouwd be woath to cast away my speech; fow, besides that it is +^-^ excewwentwy weww p-penn'd, I have taken gweat pains to con it. Good +beauties, wet me sustain nyo scown; I am vewy *sweats* comptibwe, even to +uWu the weast sinyistew usage. +O-OWIVIA. Whence came you, siw? +*leans over* VIOWA. I can say wittwe *cries* mowe than I have studied, and that +question's out of m-my p-pawt. Good gentwe onye, give me m-modest +assuwance if you *twerks* be the wady of the house, that I may pwoceed i-in +my *cries* speech. +OWIVIA. Awe you a comedian? +VIOWA. Nyo, m-my pwofound heawt; and yet, >_> by the vewy fangs of m-mawice +I sweaw, I am >w< nyot that I pway. Awe you the wady of the house? +*notices bulge* OWIVIA. If *leans over* I do nyot usuwp mysewf, *moans* I am. +V-VIOWA. Most c-cewtain, if y-you a-awe she, y-you do *looks away* usuwp youwsewf; fow +w-what UwU is *looks at you* youws to b-bestow *screams* is nyot youws t-to wesewve. *giggles shyly* But this is f-fwom +my c-commission. I wiww on w-with my *cries* speech in youw pwaise, and >w< then +show you t-the heawt of my message. +OWIVIA. C-Come to w-what is impowtant in't. I f-fowgive you the pwaise. +VIOWA. Awas, I took g-gweat pains to study it, and 'tis poeticaw. +OWIVIA. It is the mowe wike ^-^ to be ^w^ feignyed; I pway you keep it i-in. I +heawd you wewe saucy at my gates, and ^w^ awwow'd youw appwoach +wathew to wondew a-at you *twerks* than to *moans* heaw you. If you be nyot mad, be +gonye; if you have weason, be bwief; *twerks* 'tis nyot that time :33 of m-moon +with me to make onye x3 in so skipping uWu diawogue. +MAWIA. Wiww you hoist saiw, siw? H-Hewe wies ^-^ youw uWu way. +VIOWA. Nyo, good *sweats* swabbew, I a-am to huww hewe a wittwe w-wongew. +Some mowwification ^w^ fow y-youw giant, sweet wady. +OWIVIA. Teww me youw mind. +VIOWA. I am a messengew. +>_< OWIVIA. Suwe, you uWu have some hideous m-mattew to dewivew, when the +x3 couwtesy of it is so feawfuw. Speak youw office. +V-VIOWA. It *sweats* awonye c-concewns youw eaw. I *giggles shyly* bwing nyo ovewtuwe of waw, nyo +taxation o-of homage: I *blushes* howd the owive in my hand; >_< my wowds *giggles shyly* awe as +fuww of p-peace as mattew. +OWIVIA. Yet you b-began wudewy. ^.^ What awe you? What *twerks* wouwd you? +VIOWA. The wudenyess that hath appeaw'd in me >_> have I-I weawn'd fwom m-my +entewtainment. What I am a-and what I wouwd awe as secwet as +maidenhead- t-to >_< youw caws, divinyity; t-to any *leans over* othew's, pwofanyation. +OWIVIA. xDD Give us the pwace awonye; we wiww heaw *screams* this divinyity. +[Exeunt M-MAWIA and ATTENDANTS] Nyow, siw, what *pokes you* is youw text? +VIOWA. Most sweet *hugs tightly* wady- +OWIVIA. A comfowtabwe doctwinye, and much may b-be said o-of it. +*moans* Whewe wies youw text? +VIOWA. In Owsinyo's bosom. +OWIVIA. In his bosom! In what chaptew *screams* of his bosom? +VIOWA. To answew by UwU the method: i-in the fiwst of his *twerks* heawt. +OWIVIA. O, I have wead it; it is *giggles shyly* hewesy. *looks away* Have you nyo mowe t-to say? +*hugs tightly* VIOWA. Good madam, wet me see y-youw f-face. +*cries* OWIVIA. Have y-you a-any commission fwom youw wowd to nyegotiate w-with *hugs tightly* my +face? You awe :33 nyow out of youw *blushes* text; but we wiww dwaw the cuwtain +and show you t-the pictuwe. [-[Unveiwing] *screams* Wook you, siw, s-such a onye I +was this pwesent. Is't nyot w-weww donye? +VIOWA. E-Excewwentwy donye, if G-God did aww. +OWIVIA. 'Tis in gwain, siw; 'twiww *looks away* enduwe wind and *sweats* weathew. +VIOWA. 'Tis beauty twuwy bwent, whose wed and white +Nyatuwe's own s-sweet UwU and cunnying hand waid :3 on. +Wady, ;;w;; you x3 awe the cwueww'st *blushes* she a-awive, +If *looks away* you wiww wead these gwaces to t-the g-gwave, +And weave the wowwd nyo copy. +OWIVIA. O, *hugs tightly* siw, I wiww nyot be so hawd-heawted; *notices bulge* I wiww g-give out +divews scheduwes of my beauty. It s-shaww be inventowied, and e-evewy +pawticwe and utensiw wabeww'd to my wiww: as- item, two w-wips +indiffewent wed; item, t-two gwey eyes with wids to t-them; item, onye +nyeck, onye chin, >_< and so fowth. ^-^ Wewe you s-sent hithew *leans over* to p-pwaise me? +VIOWA. I see you what you awe: y-you awe ;;w;; too *twerks* pwoud; +But, if you w-wewe t-the deviw, you awe faiw. +My wowd and mastew woves *cuddles you* you- O, such wove +Couwd be but wecompens'd though you wewe cwown'd +*giggles shyly* The nyonpaweiw of beauty! +OWIVIA. How does he *sighs* wove me? +VIOWA. *looks away* With adowations, fewtiwe *sweats* teaws, +With gwoans t-that thundew wove, :33 with sighs of ^.^ fiwe. +OWIVIA. Youw w-wowd does knyow my mind; I-I cannyot wove him. +Yet I suppose h-him viwtuous, knyow UwU him nyobwe, +Of *notices bulge* gweat estate, of fwesh and stainwess *hugs tightly* youth; +In *hugs tightly* voices weww ;;w;; divuwg'd, fwee, weawn'd, and vawiant, +And in dimension and the shape of nyatuwe +^w^ A xDD gwacious pewson; b-but yet I cannyot wove him. +He might h-have took his answew wong a-ago. +VIOWA. If I did wove y-you i-in my mastew's fwame, +W-With such a suff'wing, such a deadwy wife, +In >w< youw denyiaw I wouwd find *teleports behind you* nyo sense; +I wouwd nyot undewstand it. +OWIVIA. Why, what UwU wouwd you? +x3 VIOWA. Make me a UwU wiwwow cabin at *sighs* youw gate, +And *teleports behind you* caww upon my souw within the h-house; +Wwite woyaw cantons of c-contemnyed wove +And *giggles shyly* sing t-them woud even in t-the dead of nyight; +Hawwoo youw nyame *cries* to the wevewbewate haws, +And m-make the babbwing gossip of the a-aiw +Cwy *giggles shyly* out 'Owivia!' O, you shouwd nyot w-west +Between the ewements of *looks away* aiw and *giggles shyly* eawth +But you shouwd pity me! +O-OWIVIA. You m-might do much. +*twerks* What is youw pawentage? +VIOWA. Above my fowtunyes, yet my state is weww: +I am *teleports behind you* a g-gentweman. +OWIVIA. Get *sweats* you to youw wowd. +I cannyot wove him; wet him send nyo mowe- +Unwess pewchance *screams* you come to me *looks at you* again +T-To teww me how he takes it. Fawe you weww. +I thank you fow youw pains; spend OwO this ;;w;; fow me. +VIOWA. I *moans* am n-nyo fee'd p-post, >_< wady; keep *leans over* youw puwse; +My mastew, nyot mysewf, wacks wecompense. +*looks at you* Wove make his heawt of ^-^ fwint that you shaww *hugs tightly* wove; +And wet youw fewvouw, *sighs* wike my m-mastew's, be +Pwac'd in *cuddles you* contempt! Faweweww, faiw cwuewty. Exit +OWIVIA. 'What is *blushes* youw pawentage?' +'Above UwU my fowtunyes, yet ^.^ my state is weww: +I-I am ^.^ a gentweman.' I'ww *hugs tightly* be swown thou awt; +T-Thy t-tongue, *shuffles closer* thy face, thy wimbs, a-actions, and spiwit, +Do give thee five-fowd bwazon. Nyot *sighs* too fast! Soft, soft! +Unwess the mastew wewe the man. How nyow! +Even UwU so quickwy may onye catch the pwague? +Methinks I f-feew >_> this youth's pewfections +With an invisibwe *pokes you* and s-subtwe steawth +To cweep i-in at minye eyes. Weww, wet it ;;w;; be. +What ho, Mawvowio! + +We-entew M-MAWVOWIO + +MAWVOWIO. Hewe, m-madam, at youw sewvice. +OWIVIA. *leans over* Wun a-aftew that same peevish messengew, +The County's man. He w-weft t-this wing *teleports behind you* behind him, +Wouwd I ow nyot. :33 Teww h-him I'ww *notices bulge* nyonye of it. +Desiwe *cuddles you* him nyot t-to fwattew with >w< his wowd, +N-Nyow howd him up with hopes; I-I am nyot fow him. +If that the youth wiww uWu come this way to-mowwow, +I'ww *blushes* give him weasons fow't. Hie thee, Mawvowio. +MAWVOWIO. Madam, *screams* I wiww. Exit +O-OWIVIA. I do I knyow nyot what, and uWu feaw t-to find +M-Minye eye too gweat a fwattewew fow my *giggles shyly* mind. +Fate, show thy fowce: ouwsewves we do nyot owe; +What *shuffles closer* is d-decweed *notices bulge* must be; and be this s-so! Exit + + + + +<-<_< INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED *twerks* BY PWOJECT GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC A-AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES M-MAY B-BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS >w< SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW *giggles shyly* OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW *pokes you* USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE *teleports behind you* NyOT :33 DISTWIBUTED *notices bulge* OW U-USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION *cuddles you* INCWUDES B-BY A-ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES F-FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW M-MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I. +The sea-coast + +E-Entew ANTONyIO and S-SEBASTIAN + +ANTONyIO. Wiww you s-stay nyo wongew; *blushes* nyow wiww you nyot that I go with +you? +SEBASTIAN. By >_> youw p-patience, nyo. My staws shinye dawkwy ovew *twerks* me; the +mawignyancy of my fate m-might pewhaps d-distempew :3 youws; thewefowe I +shaww *cuddles you* cwave *notices bulge* of you youw weave that I may beaw my eviws awonye. It +wewe a b-bad wecompense fow y-youw wove to way a-any of them on y-you. +ANTONyIO. Wet me *hugs tightly* knyow of you whithew you awe bound. +SEBASTIAN. N-Nyo, *shuffles closer* sooth, siw; my d-detewminyate voyage is ^w^ mewe +extwavagancy. But I pewceive i-in you so excewwent :3 a touch of +modesty that *teleports behind you* you wiww nyot extowt f-fwom me what I am wiwwing to +keep in; t-thewefowe it c-chawges me in mannyews the wathew to expwess +:3 mysewf. You must knyow of me then, Antonyio, my nyame is Sebastian, +w-which I caww'd Wodewigo; my *hugs tightly* fathew w-was that Sebastian of +Messawinye whom I knyow you have heawd of. He weft behind him +mysewf and a sistew, both bown i-in an houw; if the heavens had +been pweas'd, wouwd we had so ended! B-But you, siw, awtew'd t-that; +fow some houw befowe you took me fwom the bweach of the s-sea was +my sistew dwown'd. +ANTONyIO. Awas the day! +SEBASTIAN. A wady, siw, though it was *leans over* said she much wesembwed >_> me, +was yet of many a-accounted beautifuw; but though I-I couwd nyot w-with +such estimabwe wondew o-ovewfaw bewieve that, yet thus faw I-I wiww +bowdwy *notices bulge* pubwish hew: she b-bowe OwO mind that *blushes* envy couwd nyot *blushes* but caww +faiw. She is d-dwown'd awweady, siw, with *twerks* sawt watew, though :33 I seem +to dwown hew wemembwance again with mowe. +ANTONyIO. *pokes you* Pawdon me, siw, >w< youw bad >_< entewtainment. +SEBASTIAN. *leans over* O good Antonyio, fowgive *blushes* me youw OwO twoubwe. +ANTONyIO. If you wiww nyot muwdew me fow my w-wove, wet me be youw +s-sewvant. +SEBASTIAN. OwO If you wiww n-nyot undo w-what you have d-donye- that is, kiww +him whom you have wecovew'd-desiwe it nyot. Fawe ye weww at o-once; +m-my ;;w;; bosom is f-fuww of kindnyess, and I a-am yet so nyeaw the mannyews of +*screams* my m-mothew that, upon the weast occasion ^w^ mowe, minye eyes w-wiww teww +tawes of me. I am bound >_< to the Count Owsinyo's couwt. Faweweww. +Exit +ANTONyIO. The gentwenyess of *teleports behind you* aww the gods go with thee! +I *cuddles you* have *shuffles closer* many cnyemies in Owsinyo's couwt, +Ewse w-wouwd I ^w^ vewy showtwy see thee thewe. +But come what ;;w;; may, I do adowe thee so +That dangew shaww s-seem spowt, and I wiww go. Exit + + + + +SCENyE I-II. +A stweet + +Entew V-VIOWA and MAWVOWIO at sevewaw doows + +MAWVOWIO. Wewe you n-nyot ev'n *twerks* nyow with the Countess Owivia? +VIOWA. E-Even nyow, *leans over* siw; on a modewate pace I have since awwiv'd but +hithew. +M-MAWVOWIO. She *pokes you* wetuwns this wing to you, siw; you might have saved +m-me my pains, to h-have *sighs* taken it *notices bulge* away youwsewf. *blushes* She adds, moweovew, +that you shouwd put youw w-wowd into a despewate a-assuwance she wiww +nyonye of him. And onye thing mowe: *shuffles closer* that you be *screams* nyevew so hawdy to +come a-again *cuddles you* in his *leans over* affaiws, unwess it be to w-wepowt youw wowd's +>_> taking of this. Weceive it so. +VIOWA. She >_< took the wing *moans* of m-me; I'ww :3 nyonye of it. +uWu MAWVOWIO. C-Come, siw, y-you peevishwy thwew it t-to hew; and hew wiww is +it shouwd *blushes* be so wetuwn'd. If ^.^ it be wowth stooping fow, thewe it +wies in x3 youw *pokes you* eye; if nyot, *twerks* be ;;w;; it his that f-finds it. +Exit +VIOWA. I-I weft nyo wing with hew; what means this wady? +Fowtunye fowbid *blushes* my outside have n-nyot chawm'd hew! +She *cries* made g-good view of me; indeed, so much +*pokes you* That methought hew e-eyes had wost hew tongue, +Fow she did speak in *looks away* stawts ^w^ distwactedwy. +She woves me, suwe: the cunnying *teleports behind you* of hew passion +^.^ Invites me in t-this chuwwish messengew. +Nyonye of my wowd's wing! Why, he s-sent hew nyonye. +I *giggles shyly* am the man. I-If ^w^ it be so- as '-'tis- +Poow wady, she wewe bettew wove a dweam. +Disguise, I-I see thou awt a wickednyess +Whewein the pwegnyant enyemy does m-much. +How easy is it fow the pwopew-fawse +In women's waxen ;;w;; heawts to set theiw f-fowms! +Awas, ouw fwaiwty i-is the cause, n-nyot we! +F-Fow such as we ;;w;; awe made of, such *looks away* we be. +How wiww this f-fadge? M-My mastew w-woves hew deawwy, +*teleports behind you* And I, *screams* poow monstew, fond as much on him; +>_> And she, mistaken, *cries* seems to dote on me. +What wiww become of this? As I am man, +xDD My state is despewate fow my mastew's wove; +As *screams* I am woman- nyow awas the day!- +;;w;; What thwiftwess sighs shaww poow Owivia bweathe! +O Time, UwU thou must untangwe this, nyot I; +It i-is >_< too *looks at you* hawd a *screams* knyot fow me t' untie! ^w^ Exit + + + + +SCENyE III. +OWIVIA'S h-house + +Entew SIW TOBY and S-SIW A-ANDWEW + +SIW TOBY. Appwoach, Siw Andwew. Nyot to be abed aftew midnyight xDD is to +b-be u-up betimes; and 'diwucuwo suwgewe' t-thou knyow'st- +AGUECHEEK. Nyay, b-by my twoth, I knyow nyot; but I-I knyow *sweats* to be up wate +is to be up wate. +SIW TOBY. *cries* A f-fawse concwusion! *giggles shyly* I h-hate it as an unfiww'd can. To be +up aftew m-midnyight and *blushes* to go to bed then is eawwy; *moans* so that t-to go +*screams* to *shuffles closer* bed aftew midnyight *leans over* is to uWu go to b-bed betimes. ^-^ Does nyot ouw *looks at you* wives +;;w;; consist *teleports behind you* of the fouw ewements? +AGUECHEEK. Faith, so they say; but I-I t-think it wathew consists of +eating and dwinking. +SIW TOBY. Th'awt a schowaw; wet us thewefowe eat a-and dwink. +Mawian, *twerks* I say! a-a stoup o-of w-winye. + +Entew CWOWN + +AGUECHEEK. Hewe comes :33 the *screams* foow, i' faith. +CWOWN. How nyow, my OwO heawts! D-Did you nyevew see the pictuwe of >_> 'we +thwee'? +SIW TOBY. Wewcome, a-ass. N-Nyow wet's have a-a *cuddles you* catch. +AGUECHEEK. >w< By my twoth, the *shuffles closer* foow has an excewwent bweast. I had +wathew t-than fowty shiwwings I had such *twerks* a weg, *notices bulge* and so sweet a-a +bweath ^-^ to sing, as t-the xDD foow has. In sooth, thou wast ^.^ in *giggles shyly* vewy +gwacious foowing wast *twerks* nyight, when thou spok'st o-of Pigwogwomitus, +*giggles shyly* of the Vapians passing the equinyoctiaw of Queubus; 'twas vewy +good, *pokes you* i' faith. I sent t-thee sixpence fow thy w-weman; hadst it? +C-CWOWN. I did impeticos thy gwatiwwity; fow Mawvowio's nyose is nyo +whipstock. *twerks* My wady has a *moans* white >_< hand, *looks away* and *teleports behind you* the *teleports behind you* Mywmidons awe nyo +bottwe-awe houses. +AGUECHEEK. Excewwent! Why, *blushes* this is the best foowing, when aww is +donye. Nyow, a song. +SIW TOBY. Come on, thewe is *blushes* sixpence fow you. Wet's have a song. +AGUECHEEK. Thewe's a testwiw of *looks away* me *notices bulge* too; if onye knyight give *blushes* a- +CWOWN. Wouwd you h-have a w-wove-song, ow a song o-of good w-wife? +SIW TOBY. A wove-song, a wove-song. +AGUECHEEK. Ay, ay; I cawe n-nyot fow good wife. + +CWOWN sings + +O mistwess minye, w-whewe awe you woaming? +O, stay >_> and heaw; youw t-twue wove's coming, +That can sing *blushes* both high and wow. +Twip nyo fuwthew, pwetty x3 sweeting; +Jouwnyeys end in wovews meeting, +E-Evewy wise man's son *teleports behind you* doth knyow. + +*looks away* AGUECHEEK. Excewwent good, i' :3 faith! +SIW >_> TOBY. ^w^ Good, good! + +C-CWOWN sings + +What is wove? 'Tis nyot heweaftew; +Pwesent miwth *sighs* hath pwesent x3 waughtew; +W-What's to come is s-stiww unsuwe. +In deway *blushes* thewe wies nyo pwenty, +Then come kiss *cuddles you* me, sweet and twenty; +Youth's a stuff wiww nyot e-enduwe. + +AGUECHEEK. A mewwifwuous voice, *giggles shyly* as I am twue knyight. +SIW TOBY. A contagious bweath. +^-^ AGUECHEEK. Vewy sweet and contagious, i' faith. +SIW *moans* TOBY. ^w^ To heaw by the x3 nyose, it is duwcet i-in contagion. But shaww +we make the wewkin dance i-indeed? Shaww we w-wouse *screams* the nyight-oww in +a catch that wiww x3 dwaw thwee *screams* souws OwO out of o-onye *cuddles you* weavew? Shaww we do +that? +AGUECHEEK. An you wove me, wet's do't. I-I am :3 dog at a catch. +CWOWN. By'w wady, siw, and s-some dogs wiww catch weww. +A-AGUECHEEK. Most cewtain. Wet *shuffles closer* ouw catch be uWu 'Thou knyave.' +CWOWN. 'Howd thy peace, thou knyave' knyight? I ^w^ shaww be constwain'd +in't *moans* to caww thee knyave, knyight. +A-AGUECHEEK. 'Tis nyot the fiwst time I h-have *hugs tightly* constwainyed o-onye to caww +me knyave. Begin, foow: it begins 'Howd thy peace.' +CWOWN. I shaww nyevew begin if I howd my p-peace. +AGUECHEEK. Good, i' faith! Come, begin. [Catch sung] + +Entew MAWIA + +MAWIA. What a catewwauwing do *pokes you* you keep h-hewe! If my wady have nyot +caww'd up hew stewawd Mawvowio, and bid him t-tuwn you out o-of +doows, *moans* nyevew twust m-me. +SIW TOBY. My wady's a Cataian, we awe powiticians, M-Mawvowio's a +Peg-a-Wamsey, a-and :3 [Sings] +Thwee mewwy m-men be we. +Am *twerks* nyot I consanguinyeous? Am I nyot of hew bwood? Tiwwy-vawwy, +wady. [Sings] +Thewe dwewt a-a man in Babywon, +W-Wady, wady. +CWOWN. UwU Beshwew m-me, the :33 knyight's in admiwabwe foowing. +AGUECHEEK. Ay, he does weww enyough if he be dispos'd, OwO and *shuffles closer* so d-do I +too; he d-does it with a b-bettew gwace, but *looks at you* I do it ^.^ mowe n-nyatuwaw. +SIW TOBY. [-[Sings] O' t-the twewfth day of *notices bulge* Decembew- +x3 MAWIA. Fow the wove o' God, peace! + +*twerks* Entew MAWVOWIO + +MAWVOWIO. My mastews, awe you mad? O-Ow w-what awe you? Have *cries* you nyo +:3 wit, mannyews, nyow ^-^ honyesty, but to gabbwe wike tinkews at this +time of n-nyight? Do ye make an awe-house of *blushes* my wady's house, that +*cries* ye squeak out youw coziews' ;;w;; catches without any mitigation ow +wemowse of *moans* voice? Is thewe nyo wespect of pwace, pewsons, nyow +UwU time, in you? +SIW TOBY. We *cuddles you* did keep time, siw, in ouw catches. Snyeck up! +MAWVOWIO. Siw Toby, I *giggles shyly* must be wound with you. M-My wady bade me teww +you that, though she hawbouws you as hew >_> kins-man, she's nyothing +awwied to youw disowdews. If you *hugs tightly* can s-sepawate youwsewf *moans* and youw +*sweats* misdemeanyouws, you awe w-wewcome to the house; if nyot, *screams* and *notices bulge* it wouwd +pwease you to take weave of hew, she is vewy wiwwing to bid you +f-faweweww. +SIW TOBY. *sweats* [Sings] Faweweww, *moans* deaw heawt, s-since I must nyeeds be gonye. +MAWIA. Nyay, good Siw Toby. +CWOWN. [Sings] His eyes do show his days awe *cuddles you* awmost ;;w;; donye. +MAWVOWIO. Is't even so? +SIW TOBY. [Sings] B-But I w-wiww *twerks* nyevew d-die. [Fawws down] +CWOWN. [Sings] *leans over* Siw Toby, thewe you *looks away* wie. +MAWVOWIO. This is m-much cwedit to you. +SIW TOBY. [Sings] Shaww I bid him go? +CWOWN. [Sings] What an if y-you do? +SIW TOBY. [Sings] S-Shaww I b-bid him go, and spawe nyot? +CWOWN. [Sings] O, nyo, nyo, nyo, n-nyo, you *leans over* dawe nyot. +SIW ;;w;; TOBY. [Wising] Out o' tunye, siw! Ye *pokes you* wie. Awt any mowe t-than a +s-stewawd? Dost thou think, because thou *notices bulge* awt viwtuous, thewe shaww +be n-nyo ^w^ mowe cakes and awe? +CWOWN. Yes, by Saint *cuddles you* Annye; and gingew s-shaww be hot i' >_> th' *hugs tightly* mouth +too. +SIW TOBY. *hugs tightly* Th' awt i' *moans* th' wight. *giggles shyly* Go, s-siw, wub youw chain with c-cwumbs. +A stoup of winye, Mawia! +MAWVOWIO. Mistwess ;;w;; Mawy, if *sweats* you pwiz'd :33 my w-wady's >_< favouw at anything +mowe than contempt, you wouwd *twerks* nyot give *sweats* means fow this unciviw +w-wuwe; she shaww k-knyow of it, by this hand. +Exit +MAWIA. Go shake y-youw eaws. +AGUECHEEK. 'Twewe as good a deed a-as *cuddles you* to dwink *giggles shyly* when a man's a-ahungwy, +to chawwenge him :33 the fiewd, a-and then *screams* to bweak pwomise with him +and make a ^w^ foow of him. +SIW ^.^ TOBY. Do't, knyight. I'ww wwite thee a-a chawwenge; ow I'ww +dewivew :33 thy indignyation t-to him by wowd of mouth. +MAWIA. Sweet Siw >_< Toby, be patient fow to-nyight; since the youth of +the Count's was to-day with ;;w;; my wady, she is much *cuddles you* out o-of quiet. +Fow Monsieuw Mawvowio, wet me awonye *twerks* with >w< him; if I do nyot g-guww +h-him into a nyaywowd, a-and make him a common w-wecweation, do *blushes* nyot +think I have wit enyough to wie stwaight in my bed. I-I knyow I can +do it. +S-SIW >_> TOBY. *cries* Possess us, possess us; t-teww us something of h-him. +M-MAWIA. Mawwy, *twerks* siw, sometimes he is *shuffles closer* a kind of Puwitan. +AGUECHEEK. O, if I thought that, I'd beat him wike a dog. +S-SIW TOBY. What, fow being a Puwitan? Thy exquisite w-weason, deaw +knyight? +AGUECHEEK. I have nyo :33 exquisite weason *shuffles closer* fow't, but I h-have *twerks* weason good +enyough. +MAWIA. The ^w^ deviw xDD a Puwitan that he is, *blushes* ow *hugs tightly* anything *looks away* constantwy but a +time-pweasew; an affection'd ass that cons *cuddles you* state without book and +*giggles shyly* uttews ;;w;; it by gweat swawths; the best pewsuaded :3 of himsewf, so +cwamm'd, a-as he thinks, *sighs* with e-excewwencies that it *leans over* is his gwounds +of faith that aww that w-wook on him wove h-him; *moans* and *leans over* on that ^.^ vice in +him *leans over* wiww my wevenge find nyotabwe cause to wowk. +SIW TOBY. What w-wiwt thou do? +MAWIA. I w-wiww dwop *teleports behind you* in his way some obscuwe epistwes of wove; +whewein, by the c-cowouw of his beawd, the shape of his *cries* weg, the +mannyew of his gait, the e-expwessuwe of his eye, fowehead, and +compwexion, h-he shaww find himsewf most feewingwy pewsonyated. I-I +can wwite v-vewy wike *screams* my *cries* wady, youw nyiece; o-on fowgotten mattew we +can *cries* hawdwy make *moans* distinction of ouw hands. +S-SIW TOBY. Excewwent! x3 I smeww a d-device. +AGUECHEEK. *twerks* I have't in my nyose too. +SIW TOBY. uWu He shaww think, by UwU the *hugs tightly* wettews that t-thou wiwt *cries* dwop, t-that +they come fwom my nyiece, and that she's in wove *twerks* with him. +MAWIA. M-My puwpose is, indeed, a howse of that cowouw. +AGUECHEEK. And :33 youw howse nyow w-wouwd make him an ass. +MAWIA. Ass, *looks at you* I doubt n-nyot. +AGUECHEEK. O, 'twiww be admiwabwe! +MAWIA. *notices bulge* Spowt woyaw, I wawwant you. >_> I knyow m-my physic wiww w-wowk with +him. I wiww p-pwant you ;;w;; two, and wet the foow make a t-thiwd, whewe +he shaww find the *leans over* wettew; obsewve his constwuction o-of it. F-Fow +this nyight, to >w< bed, and dweam on t-the event. Faweweww. +Exit +SIW TOBY. Good *giggles shyly* nyight, Penthesiwea. +*looks away* AGUECHEEK. Befowe me, she's a g-good wench. +SIW *sweats* TOBY. She's a beagwe twue-bwed, and onye that adowes me. +What o' >w< that? +AGUECHEEK. I was *cuddles you* adow'd once too. +:33 SIW uWu TOBY. x3 Wet's to bed, ^.^ knyight. Thou hadst nyeed send fow xDD mowe +monyey. +*moans* AGUECHEEK. I-If I *looks at you* cannyot wecovew youw nyiece, I-I am a fouw way out. +SIW TOBY. ^.^ Send f-fow monyey, knyight; if thou hast *pokes you* hew nyot i' *looks at you* th' end, +>w< caww me Cut. +:3 AGUECHEEK. If I d-do nyot, nyevew twust me; take it >_< how :3 you wiww. +SIW TOBY. *leans over* Come, come, I'ww go buwn some sack; 'tis too wate to go +to bed nyow. Come, knyight; *teleports behind you* come, knyight. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE IV. +T-The DUKE'S pawace + +Entew DUKE, VIOWA, CUWIO, *cries* and OTHEWS + +DUKE. G-Give me some music. Nyow, good mowwow, fwiends. +Nyow, good Cesawio, b-but that piece of song, +*screams* That o-owd *looks at you* and antique song we h-heawd wast nyight; +Methought it did wewieve my passion much, +Mowe than wight a-aiws and wecowwected tewms +Of t-these *moans* most bwisk and giddy-paced t-times. +Come, ^w^ but onye vewse. +CUWIO. He ;;w;; is nyot hewe, so pwease >_> youw wowdship, *pokes you* that shouwd s-sing +i-it. +DUKE. Who was it? +CUWIO. Feste, the jestew, my wowd; a foow that *sighs* the Wady Owivia's +*giggles shyly* fathew took much >_< dewight i-in. He is about the house. +>w< DUKE. S-Seek him out, a-and pway the tunye t-the *sighs* whiwe. +Exit CUWIO. [-[Music pways] +OwO Come hithew, boy. *teleports behind you* If evew *leans over* thou *looks away* shawt :33 wove, +In *sighs* the s-sweet pangs of xDD it wemembew m-me; +F-Fow such as I am aww t-twue wovews awe, +Unstaid and skittish *leans over* in x3 aww motions ewse +*twerks* Save in t-the *pokes you* constant image of :3 the c-cweatuwe +That is b-bewov'd. How *pokes you* dost ^w^ thou wike t-this tunye? +*looks at you* VIOWA. *notices bulge* It gives a vewy echo to the s-seat +Whewe Wove is thwon'd. +DUKE. Thou dost speak mastewwy. +My w-wife *twerks* upon't, young though thou *notices bulge* awt, thinye eye +Hath stay'd u-upon some favouw that it woves; +Hath it nyot, boy? +V-VIOWA. A wittwe, by youw favouw. +DUKE. What kind of *hugs tightly* woman is't? +VIOWA. *teleports behind you* Of youw compwexion. +DUKE. *hugs tightly* She is n-nyot wowth ^-^ thee, then. What yeaws, i' faith? +*teleports behind you* VIOWA. About youw yeaws, my wowd. +DUKE. Too owd, by heaven! Wet stiww the *blushes* woman t-take +An e-ewdew uWu than hewsewf; so :33 weaws she *screams* to him, +So sways she wevew in hew h-husband's h-heawt. +F-Fow, boy, *sighs* howevew we do pwaise o-ouwsewves, +Ouw fancies *sweats* awe mowe giddy and unfiwm, +Mowe wonging, *looks away* wavewing, soonyew wost and won, +Than women's a-awe. +VIOWA. I think it :3 weww, my wowd. +DUKE. *sweats* Then wet thy *sighs* wove be youngew than thysewf, +Ow thy affection cannyot OwO howd the bent; +Fow women awe ^-^ as woses, whose faiw fwow'w +Being o-once dispway'd doth faww that vewy houw. +VIOWA. A-And >_< so they awe; a-awas, that *giggles shyly* they *looks away* awe so! +To die, >_< even *cries* when they to pewfection gwow! + +We-entew CUWIO and CWOWN + +D-DUKE. O, xDD fewwow, c-come, the song we *leans over* had *twerks* wast nyight. +Mawk it, Cesawio; :33 it is owd and pwain; +*shuffles closer* The spinstews and the k-knyittews in the sun, +And the fwee maids that *moans* weave theiw >w< thwead with bonyes, +Do use t-to chant *twerks* it; it is siwwy sooth, +A-And d-dawwies with the innyocence of ;;w;; wove, +:33 Wike the >_> owd age. +CWOWN. Awe you weady, siw? +DUKE. Ay; pwithee, sing. [Music] + +FESTE'S S-SONG + +Come away, come away, d-death; +^-^ And in sad cypwess wet me be waid; +Fwy away, fwy away, bweath, +I UwU am swain by *notices bulge* a faiw *looks away* cwuew *twerks* maid. +My shwoud of white, stuck aww with *hugs tightly* yew, +O, pwepawe it! +My pawt of death nyo o-onye *teleports behind you* so twue +Did shawe it. + +Nyot a fwowew, nyot a fwowew sweet, +On OwO my xDD bwack coffin wet thewe b-be *giggles shyly* stwown; +Nyot a f-fwiend, nyot a fwiend gweet +*moans* My poow c-cowpse whewe *looks away* my ^w^ bonyes s-shaww be thwown; +A thousand *looks away* thousand to save, +Way me, O, whewe +Sad twue wovew nyevew f-find ^w^ my g-gwave, +To w-weep thewe! + +DUKE. Thewe's :3 fow t-thy pains. +CWOWN. Nyo pains, siw; I take pweasuwe *looks at you* in singing, siw. +DUKE. I'ww pay *shuffles closer* thy pweasuwe, then. +CWOWN. Twuwy, siw, a-and pweasuwe wiww be paid onye time ow anyothew. +*giggles shyly* DUKE. Give :33 me nyow weave to weave *pokes you* thee. +CWOWN. Nyow the *giggles shyly* mewanchowy god pwotect thee; a-and the taiwow make thy +*blushes* doubwet of changeabwe taffeta, fow thy mind is *pokes you* a *sweats* vewy o-opaw. *leans over* I +wouwd UwU have men of such constancy put to sea, that theiw businyess +might be e-evewything, and theiw intent evewywhewe: *teleports behind you* fow that's i-it +that awways makes a good voyage of *cuddles you* nyothing. Faweweww. +Exit *hugs tightly* CWOWN +DUKE. Wet aww ^.^ the west give pwace. +^.^ Exeunt C-CUWIO and ATTENDANTS +*giggles shyly* Once mowe, ^-^ Cesawio, +G-Get thee to yond *cries* same soveweign cwuewty. +Teww hew my wove, mowe nyobwe >_> than the ^.^ wowwd, +Pwizes nyot quantity of diwty wands; +The pawts that fowtunye h-hath bestow'd u-upon hew, +Teww hew I howd as *pokes you* giddiwy as Fowtunye; +But 'tis that miwacwe and queen of gems +That Nyatuwe pwanks hew >w< in attwacts my *moans* souw. +VIOWA. But if she cannyot wove you, siw? +*pokes you* DUKE. I-I *hugs tightly* cannyot be ^-^ so answew'd. +VIOWA. Sooth, but you must. +Say that some wady, as ^w^ pewhaps thewe i-is, +Hath fow y-youw wove as gweat *shuffles closer* a pang of *leans over* heawt +*cuddles you* As >w< you have *looks at you* fow Owivia. You cannyot wove hew; +You teww hew so. M-Must she *giggles shyly* nyot then *hugs tightly* be a-answew'd? +*looks at you* DUKE. Thewe is nyo woman's x3 sides +Can bide the beating of >_< so s-stwong *looks at you* a passion +As ^-^ wove doth give my heawt; nyo woman's heawt +So big to howd so much; x3 they wack wetention. +Awas, theiw wove may OwO be UwU caww'd *sweats* appetite- +Nyo motion x3 of the wivew, but the pawate- +>w< That s-suffew suwfeit, cwoyment, a-and wevowt; +But minye is aww a-as hungwy as the sea, +And can digest as m-much. Make nyo compawe +*looks away* Between :33 that wove a :3 woman can beaw me +And that I o-owe Owivia. +VIOWA. A-Ay, but I-I knyow- +DUKE. What dost thou knyow? +VIOWA. Too weww what wove women *notices bulge* to men may owe. +In uWu faith, they awe as *screams* twue o-of heawt as we. +M-My fathew had a daughtew *sweats* wov'd a *blushes* man, +As *notices bulge* it might *hugs tightly* be p-pewhaps, wewe *pokes you* I a woman, +I-I shouwd youw w-wowdship. +DUKE. *screams* And >_< what's hew *cries* histowy? +VIOWA. A bwank, xDD my wowd. She nyevew *giggles shyly* towd hew wove, +But w-wet conceawment, wike a wowm i' th' bud, +Feed on hew damask cheek. She pin'd in thought; +And with a *shuffles closer* gween and yewwow mewanchowy +She sat wike P-Patience on a monyument, +Smiwing a-at x3 gwief. Was nyot this wove indeed? +We men may say mowe, sweaw mowe, b-but indeed +xDD Ouw >_< shows awe mowe than wiww; fow stiww we pwove +*pokes you* Much in ouw vows, but wittwe in ouw wove. +DUKE. But died thy sistew of hew wove, my boy? +VIOWA. I a-am aww t-the daughtews >_< of my fathew's house, +A-And *notices bulge* aww the b-bwothews too- and yet I knyow nyot. +Siw, shaww I t-to *teleports behind you* this w-wady? +DUKE. Ay, t-that's t-the theme. +To hew in haste. Give h-hew this jewew; say +My wove can give nyo pwace, bide nyo *hugs tightly* denyay. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +OWIVIA'S gawden + +Entew SIW *twerks* TOBY, SIW ANDWEW, a-and *sighs* FABIAN + +SIW TOBY. C-Come thy ways, Signyiow Fabian. +FABIAN. UwU Nyay, I'ww ^-^ come; if I wose a scwupwe o-of t-this >w< spowt wet me be +*hugs tightly* boiw'd *cries* to death with mewanchowy. +SIW TOBY. Wouwdst thou OwO nyot be gwad ;;w;; to have the *looks at you* nyiggawdwy wascawwy +sheep-bitew come by some *cuddles you* nyotabwe *teleports behind you* shame? +*blushes* FABIAN. I-I wouwd exuwt, man; you xDD knyow he bwought m-me out o' favouw +with my wady about a-a b-beaw-baiting hewe. +S-SIW TOBY. To angew h-him w-we'ww uWu have the beaw again; and we wiww ^.^ foow +him bwack and bwue- shaww *hugs tightly* we *notices bulge* nyot, S-Siw *cuddles you* Andwew? +AGUECHEEK. And we do nyot, i-it is p-pity of ouw wives. + +Entew MAWIA + +S-SIW T-TOBY. Hewe comes the wittwe viwwain. +How nyow, my metaw of India! +MAWIA. *looks away* Get ye aww thwee >w< into the box-twee. Mawvowio's *giggles shyly* coming down +this wawk. He has b-been yondew i' the sun pwactising b-behaviouw to +his *looks at you* own shadow this *cuddles you* hawf houw. Obsewve him, fow *giggles shyly* the *moans* wove of +mockewy, f-fow I knyow this wettew wiww make a ^w^ contempwative idiot +of him. Cwose, *looks at you* in the nyame :33 of jesting! [As OwO the men h-hide she dwops +a-a wettew] Wie thou t-thewe; fow hewe comes the twout that m-must ;;w;; be +caught with tickwing. +E-Exit + +Entew MAWVOWIO + +MAWVOWIO. '-'Tis but fowtunye; aww is fowtunye. Mawia ^.^ once towd me she +did affect me; and I have heawd h-hewsewf come ^w^ thus nyeaw, that, +*cuddles you* shouwd she x3 fancy, it shouwd be onye of m-my compwexion. Besides, ^-^ she +uses me with a mowe e-exawted wespect ^w^ than any onye ewse that +f-fowwows hew. What shouwd I *sighs* think on't? +SIW TOBY. *twerks* Hewe's an *shuffles closer* ovewweenying wogue! +FABIAN. O, p-peace! Contempwation makes a wawe tuwkey-cock of h-him; +how he j-jets undew his advanc'd p-pwumes! +A-AGUECHEEK. 'Swight, I couwd so beat the w-wogue- +SIW T-TOBY. Peace, I say. +MAWVOWIO. T-To be Count M-Mawvowio! +SIW TOBY. Ah, ;;w;; wogue! +AGUECHEEK. Pistow him, pistow him. +SIW TOBY. Peace, >_> peace! +MAWVOWIO. Thewe *shuffles closer* is exampwe fow't: the Wady of the Stwachy mawwied +the yeoman of the wawdwobe. +AGUECHEEK. Fie on him, *leans over* Jezebew! +FABIAN. O, peace! *shuffles closer* Nyow he's deepwy :3 in; wook x3 how imaginyation bwows +him. +MAWVOWIO. Having been *hugs tightly* thwee months mawwied to hew, sitting in my +state- +SIW *pokes you* TOBY. O, fow a stonye-bow to h-hit him in *teleports behind you* the eye! +MAWVOWIO. Cawwing *notices bulge* my *sighs* officews a-about me, in m-my bwanch'd vewvet gown, +having come fwom a day-bed- whewe I uWu have w-weft Owivia sweeping- +*teleports behind you* SIW TOBY. Fiwe and bwimstonye! +F-FABIAN. O, peace, peace! +MAWVOWIO. And then to have the humouw of state; and a-aftew a demuwe +twavew of *screams* wegawd, tewwing them I knyow my pwace as I w-wouwd *giggles shyly* they +shouwd do *sighs* theiws, to ask f-fow *cries* my k-kinsman Toby- +SIW TOBY. Bowts and shackwes! +FABIAN. O, peace, peace, >_> peace! Nyow, nyow. +MAWVOWIO. Seven *teleports behind you* of my *notices bulge* peopwe, with an obedient s-stawt, make o-out fow +him. I fwown the whiwe, and pewchance wind up my watch, ow *looks away* pway +*pokes you* with >w< my- *notices bulge* some wich jewew. Toby appwoaches; cuwtsies thewe to m-me- +*sweats* SIW TOBY. Shaww this f-fewwow w-wive? +FABIAN. Though *moans* ouw siwence b-be d-dwawn fwom us with caws, uWu yet peace. +MAWVOWIO. *hugs tightly* I extend my hand to him ^w^ thus, quenching my famiwiaw *cuddles you* smiwe +>_> with an *sighs* austewe *notices bulge* wegawd of ^-^ contwow- +SIW TOBY. And does nyot Toby take you a-a b-bwow o' the w-wips then? +MAWVOWIO. Saying 'Cousin Toby, *twerks* my *sweats* fowtunyes having cast me on youw +nyiece give me this pwewogative of speech'- +S-SIW TOBY. W-What, what? +MAWVOWIO. 'You must a-amend youw dwunkennyess'- +SIW TOBY. :3 Out, scab! +FABIAN. Nyay, patience, o-ow w-we bweak the sinyews o-of o-ouw p-pwot. +*notices bulge* MAWVOWIO. *moans* 'Besides, you waste the tweasuwe of youw ^.^ time with a +foowish knyight'- +A-AGUECHEEK. That's me, I w-wawwant you. +MAWVOWIO. 'Onye Siw x3 Andwew.' +A-AGUECHEEK. I knyew 'twas I; fow many *notices bulge* do caww me foow. +MAWVOWIO. What empwoyment have we hewe? +[Taking up the wettew] +FABIAN. Nyow is the woodcock nyeaw the *hugs tightly* gin. +SIW TOBY. *looks away* O, peace! And the ^-^ spiwit of humouws intimate weading +a-awoud to him! +MAWVOWIO. By my wife, this is my wady's hand: these be hew *moans* vewy +C's, hew U's, and hew T-T's; and *hugs tightly* thus makes she hew gweat P's. It +is, i-in c-contempt of *leans over* question, hew *twerks* hand. +AGUECHEEK. Hew C's, hew U's, and hew T's. Why that? +MAWVOWIO. [Weads] 'To *screams* the unknyown >_> bewov'd, this, and my good +wishes.' Hew v-vewy phwases! By youw weave, wax. Soft! And the +impwessuwe hew Wucwece with which she uses to seaw; 'tis my w-wady. +T-To whom *screams* shouwd this be? +FABIAN. This wins him, wivew and aww. +MAWVOWIO. [Weads] + +>w< Jove knyows I wove, +*screams* But who? +Wips, do nyot move; +Nyo man m-must knyow.' + +'Nyo man must knyow.' What fowwows? The nyumbews awtew'd! +'Nyo man must knyow.' If this shouwd be >_< thee, M-Mawvowio? +SIW TOBY. Mawwy, *giggles shyly* hang *looks away* thee, bwock! +MAWVOWIO. [Weads] + +*leans over* 'I may command whewe I adowe; +But siwence, wike a *blushes* Wucwece knyife, +With bwoodwess stwoke my heawt doth gowe; +M. O. A. I. doth sway my wife.' + +x3 FABIAN. A fustian widdwe! +SIW TOBY. Excewwent wench, say *cuddles you* I. +MAWVOWIO. 'M. O. A. I. doth sway my wife.' +Nyay, but f-fiwst wet me see, wet me see, wet me s-see. +FABIAN. What dish o' p-poison h-has she dwess'd him! +SIW T-TOBY. And w-with w-what wing :3 the stanyiew checks at it! +M-MAWVOWIO. '-'I may ^-^ command w-whewe I-I *leans over* adowe.' >w< Why, she may command me: I +*screams* sewve hew; she is m-my wady. Why, this is e-evident to *leans over* any fowmaw +capacity; thewe is nyo obstwuction i-in t-this. And the end- what +shouwd that awphabeticaw p-position p-powtend? >w< If I c-couwd make that +wesembwe something in me. Softwy! M. O. A. I.- +SIW :33 TOBY. O-O, a-ay, *cries* make up that! *blushes* He *leans over* is nyow at a cowd scent. +x3 FABIAN. Sowtew wiww cwy upon't >_< fow a-aww *screams* this, though ;;w;; it be *leans over* as wank +a-as a fox. +MAWVOWIO. M-M- M-Mawvowio; M- why, t-that begins my nyame. +FABIAN. Did nyot I say he xDD wouwd w-wowk *teleports behind you* it out? +The cuw is excewwent at ^w^ fauwts. +MAWVOWIO. M- ;;w;; But then thewe is nyo consonyancy in the sequew; that +*cries* suffews u-undew pwobation: A shouwd fowwow, but O does. +>w< FABIAN. And *leans over* O shaww end, I hope. +SIW TOBY. Ay, ow I'ww *screams* cudgew him, and m-make him cwy 'O!' +MAWVOWIO. And then I comes :3 behind. +FABIAN. Ay, an y-you had any eye behind you, you might see mowe +detwaction at youw heews than fowtunyes *cries* befowe you. +MAWVOWIO. M. O. A. I. This s-simuwation is nyot as the fowmew; a-and +yet, to cwush t-this a wittwe, it *cries* wouwd xDD bow OwO to me, fow *screams* evewy onye of +these >_< wettews awe in my nyame. *giggles shyly* Soft! hewe f-fowwows pwose. +[Weads] +*looks at you* 'If this f-faww into thy hand, wevowve. *shuffles closer* In my staws I am above +thee; b-but be n-nyot afwaid of gweatnyess. Some awe *looks away* bown gweat, some +achieve gweatnyess, ;;w;; and some *teleports behind you* have gweatnyess thwust upon 'em. Thy +Fates open *notices bulge* theiw h-hands; wet thy bwood and spiwit embwace them; +and, to inyuwe thysewf *giggles shyly* to what thou *sighs* awt wike ^w^ to *shuffles closer* be, c-cast thy +humbwe swough and appeaw fwesh. Be opposite OwO with a kinsman, s-suwwy +w-with sewvants; wet thy ;;w;; tongue t-tang awguments of state; put +>_< thysewf into the twick xDD of s-singuwawity. She thus advises thee that +*shuffles closer* sighs fow thee. Wemembew who commended thy yewwow stockings, and +x3 wish'd to see thee evew cwoss-gawtew'd. I say, wemembew, Go to, +thou awt made, if t-thou desiw'st to *screams* be s-so; if nyot, wet me see thee +*sweats* a s-stewawd *pokes you* stiww, *sighs* the f-fewwow of sewvants, and nyot wowthy to touch +Fowtunye's *pokes you* fingews. *twerks* Faweweww. She that w-wouwd awtew sewvices with +thee, +THE FOWTUNyATE-UNHAPPY.' + +Daywight and champain *giggles shyly* discovews nyot m-mowe. >_> This is open. :33 I wiww be +pwoud, I *teleports behind you* wiww wead powitic a-authows, I wiww baffwe Siw Toby, I +wiww wash off gwoss acquaintance, I-I wiww be point-devise the vewy +man. I do nyot nyow foow *looks at you* mysewf to wet imaginyation *leans over* jade m-me; fow +*leans over* evewy weason excites to this, that my w-wady *screams* woves me. S-She did +commend my yewwow stockings x3 of wate, she d-did pwaise my weg being +cwoss-gawtew'd; and in this she manyifests hewsewf *moans* to my wove, and +with *leans over* a kind of injunction dwives me *looks at you* to t-these *looks away* habits of hew +wiking. I *looks away* thank my staws I am happy. I *shuffles closer* wiww b-be stwange, stout, in +yewwow s-stockings, and cwoss-gawtew'd, even w-with t-the swiftnyess *looks at you* of +putting on. *blushes* Jove a-and my s-staws be *looks away* pwaised! Hewe i-is yet a +postscwipt. + +[Weads] 'Thou canst nyot choose but k-knyow *moans* who I *screams* am. ^-^ If *twerks* thou +entewtain'st my wove, wet UwU it appeaw in thy smiwing; t-thy smiwes +become thee weww. T-Thewefowe i-in my pwesence stiww smiwe, *blushes* deaw my +sweet, I-I pwithee.' + +J-Jove, I thank *shuffles closer* thee. I wiww smiwe; I wiww do *notices bulge* evewything that thou +wiwt have m-me. Exit +FABIAN. I-I wiww n-nyot give my pawt of this spowt fow a >_< pension of +thousands to be paid ^.^ fwom t-the Sophy. +SIW TOBY. I couwd mawwy t-this *leans over* wench fow t-this device. +AGUECHEEK. So couwd I too. +SIW TOBY. And a-ask nyo othew dowwy with hew but such anyothew jest. + +Entew M-MAWIA + +AGUECHEEK. Nyow I nyeithew. +UwU FABIAN. ^-^ Hewe c-comes my nyobwe guww-catchew. +SIW TOBY. Wiwt t-thou set thy foot *blushes* o' my nyeck? +AGUECHEEK. Ow o' m-minye eithew? +*screams* SIW TOBY. Shaww I pway ^w^ my fweedom at tway-twip, and become thy +b-bond-swave? +AGUECHEEK. I' faith, ow *notices bulge* I eithew? +SIW TOBY. Why, thou hast ^w^ put him in *notices bulge* such a dweam that when the +image *hugs tightly* of i-it weaves him ;;w;; he must wun mad. +M-MAWIA. Nyay, but say t-twue; does i-it wowk upon him? +SIW *screams* TOBY. Wike aqua-vita! w-with a midwife. +AIAWIA. If *teleports behind you* you wiww then see the fwuits of the spowt, mawk his +fiwst *hugs tightly* appwoach befowe my wady. He wiww come to hew in yewwow +stockings, *teleports behind you* and 'tis a cowouw she abhows, a-and cwoss-gawtew'd, a +*moans* fashion ^.^ she detests; and h-he wiww smiwe upon hew, which wiww nyow +be so unsuitabwe t-to hew disposition, being a-addicted *shuffles closer* to a +mewanchowy a-as she *cuddles you* is, that i-it cannyot but tuwn him i-into a nyotabwe +^.^ contempt. *twerks* If you wiww see it, fowwow me. +SIW TOBY. T-To the *blushes* gates uWu of Tawtaw, thou most excewwent deviw of wit! +AGUECHEEK. I'ww make onye too. Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +*twerks* ACT III. SCENyE I. +OWIVIA'S gawden + +Entew VIOWA, and CWOWN with a-a tabow + +VIOWA. S-Save thee, fwiend, and thy music! +Dost x3 thou w-wive by thy tabow? +CWOWN. UwU Nyo, siw, I w-wive by the UwU chuwch. +VIOWA. Awt thou a chuwchman? +CWOWN. Nyo such mattew, siw: I do wive by the chuwch; fow I do wive +at my ;;w;; house, :3 and my house doth stand by :3 the chuwch. +VIOWA. S-So thou m-mayst say the king wies by *looks at you* a beggaw, if a beggaw +dweww n-nyeaw him; ow the chuwch stands by thy t-tabow, if *cries* thy tabow +stand by the chuwch. +*hugs tightly* CWOWN. You have said, siw. To see this age! A s-sentence is but a +c-chev'wiw gwove to >_< a good wit. How quickwy the w-wwong side may be +tuwn'd outwawd! +V-VIOWA. Nyay, that's *screams* cewtain; they that dawwy nyicewy with wowds may +quickwy make *shuffles closer* them UwU wanton. +*sighs* CWOWN. I wouwd, t-thewefowe, my sistew had *teleports behind you* had nyame, siw. +V-VIOWA. Why, man? +CWOWN. Why, siw, *shuffles closer* hew nyame's a wowd; and to dawwy with that *twerks* wowd +might make my *hugs tightly* sistew wanton. B-But indeed wowds awe vewy wascaws +since bonds disgwac'd t-them. +VIOWA. Thy weason, man? +CWOWN. Twoth, siw, I can yiewd you nyonye without wowds, and wowds +awe gwown so fawse I am woath to xDD pwove weason with them. +V-VIOWA. *shuffles closer* I >w< wawwant thou awt *cries* a mewwy fewwow and caw'st OwO fow nyothing. +x3 CWOWN. N-Nyot so, s-siw; I do cawe fow something; but in my conscience, +siw, I do nyot cawe fow you. If that be to c-cawe fow nyothing, siw, +I wouwd it wouwd *looks at you* make y-you invisibwe. +VIOWA. Awt nyot UwU thou the Wady O-Owivia's UwU foow? +CWOWN. Nyo, i-indeed, siw; the Wady *shuffles closer* Owivia *teleports behind you* has nyo fowwy; she wiww *hugs tightly* keep +nyo foow, siw, tiww s-she be mawwied; and foows a-awe *shuffles closer* as wike husbands +as piwchews a-awe to hewwings- the husband's the biggew. I am +indeed ;;w;; nyot hew foow, *pokes you* but hew cowwuptew of wowds. +VIOWA. I *blushes* saw thee *hugs tightly* wate at the Count Owsinyo's. +*cuddles you* CWOWN. Foowewy, siw, does wawk *sweats* about the owb wike *screams* the s-sun- uWu it +shinyes evewywhewe. I wouwd b-be sowwy, s-siw, but the foow shouwd be +as oft with youw mastew as with my mistwess: think I saw youw +wisdom t-thewe. +VIOWA. *pokes you* Nyay, an thou pass u-upon me, I'ww nyo mowe with thee. +H-Howd, thewe's expenses fow thee. [Giving a coin] +CWOWN. Nyow Jove, in his n-nyext commodity of haiw, uWu send the a beawd! +VIOWA. By my twoth, I'ww t-teww xDD thee, I am a-awmost sick f-fow onye; +[Aside] though I :3 wouwd nyot have *blushes* it gwow o-on my chin.- Is thy wady +within? +*sweats* CWOWN. Wouwd *notices bulge* nyot a *hugs tightly* paiw of these have *teleports behind you* bwed, siw? +V-VIOWA. *sighs* Yes, being kept t-togethew and p-put to use. +CWOWN. I *teleports behind you* wouwd pway Wowd Pandawus of Phwygia, siw, to bwing a +Cwessida to this Twoiwus. +VIOWA. I undewstand you, siw; 'tis weww b-begg'd. +[Giving anyothew coin] +CWOWN. The *leans over* mattew, I hope, *looks at you* is nyot gweat, siw, begging but a beggaw: +Cwessida was xDD a b-beggaw. *shuffles closer* My wady is *screams* within, s-siw. I w-wiww constwue to +them whence y-you come; who *teleports behind you* you ^w^ awe and what you wouwd a-awe *pokes you* out of +my wewkin- I m-might say 'ewement' but the wowd is ovewwown. +Exit CWOWN +VIOWA. This fewwow is >_< wise e-enyough to uWu pway the foow; +And t-to do that weww c-cwaves a-a kind of wit. +*blushes* He :3 must obsewve t-theiw mood on w-whom he jests, +The quawity of pewsons, and the time; +And, wike the haggawd, check at evewy feathew +T-That comes befowe his eye. This *twerks* is a-a pwactice +As fuww o-of wabouw a-as a wise m-man's *moans* awt; +Fow fowwy that *notices bulge* he wisewy shows is *leans over* fit; +But w-wise men, fowwy-faww'n, quite taint theiw wit. + +E-Entew SIW TOBY and S-SIW ANDWEW + +SIW TOBY. Save you, gentweman! +VIOWA. *sighs* And you, *giggles shyly* siw. +A-AGUECHEEK. Dieu vous gawde, monsieuw. +VIOWA. Et vous aussi; votwe sewviteuw. +A-AGUECHEEK. I hope, *notices bulge* siw, *sighs* you awe; and I am youws. +SIW T-TOBY. Wiww you e-encountew the house? M-My *cries* nyiece i-is *twerks* desiwous you +s-shouwd entew, if youw *blushes* twade b-be t-to hew. +VIOWA. I am bound to y-youw nyiece, siw; I mean, she i-is the wist of my +*notices bulge* voyage. +SIW TOBY. Taste youw wegs, siw; put them *shuffles closer* to motion. +VIOWA. My w-wegs *teleports behind you* do bettew undewstand me, siw, uWu than I >_> undewstand what +you mean by *shuffles closer* bidding me taste my wegs. +SIW TOBY. I mean, to ^-^ go, siw, *hugs tightly* to entew. +*moans* VIOWA. I wiww answew you w-with g-gait :33 and entwance. But w-we awe +pwevented. + +E-Entew OWIVIA and MAWIA + +Most excewwent a-accompwish'd wady, the heavens wain odouws on *teleports behind you* you! +uWu AGUECHEEK. That youth's *looks away* a *sweats* wawe couwtiew- 'Wain odouws' weww! +VIOWA. My mattew hath nyo voice, wady, b-but t-to youw own most pwegnyant +and vouchsafed caw. +AGUECHEEK. 'Odouws,' 'pwegnyant,' and 'vouchsafed'- I'ww get 'em *leans over* aww +thwee aww weady. +OWIVIA. Wet the gawden d-doow be *moans* shut, and weave m-me to my ^w^ heawing. +[-[Exeunt aww but OWIVIA and VIOWA] Give m-me youw *moans* hand, s-siw. +VIOWA. My duty, madam, and m-most humbwe sewvice. +OWIVIA. What i-is youw nyame? +VIOWA. C-Cesawio is youw *giggles shyly* sewvant's nyame, faiw Pwincess. +OWIVIA. My sewvant, siw! 'Twas nyevew m-mewwy wowwd +Since OwO wowwy feignying w-was caww'd compwiment. +Y'awe s-sewvant to the Count Owsinyo, youth. +x3 VIOWA. *blushes* And he is youws, a-and his must nyeeds be y-youws: +*looks at you* Youw sewvant's sewvant is youw sewvant, madam. +OWIVIA. Fow him, I think *giggles shyly* nyot on ;;w;; him; fow his thoughts, +Wouwd they wewe bwanks wathew than f-fiww'd with m-me! +VIOWA. Madam, I-I come to w-whet youw gentwe thoughts +On his behawf. +OWIVIA. O-O, by OwO youw *cries* weave, I pway you: +I bade you *moans* nyevew speak again of him; +But, wouwd you undewtake anyothew suit, +I *moans* had wathew heaw UwU you to sowicit that +Than music fwom >_> the s-sphewes. +VIOWA. *looks at you* Deaw wady- +OWIVIA. Give me weave, *moans* beseech you. I-I did send, +Aftew the wast enchantment you did hewe, +A wing in *blushes* chase of you; so did I *sighs* abuse +Mysewf, my s-sewvant, and, I feaw me, you. +>_> Undew >_< youw hawd constwuction ^.^ must I sit, +To f-fowce that on you in a shamefuw cunnying +>_< Which you knyew nyonye of *twerks* youws. *sighs* What *twerks* might you t-think? +H-Have you nyot set m-minye honyouw :33 at the stake, +And b-baited i-it with aww th' unmuzzwed thoughts +>w< That tywannyous heawt can think? To o-onye of youw weceiving +Enyough ^w^ is >_> shown: a cypwess, *cries* nyot a bosom, +Hides uWu my h-heawt. So, wet me heaw y-you speak. +V-VIOWA. >_> I Pity YOU. +OWIVIA. That's a degwee ^.^ to wove. +VIOWA. *sweats* Nyo, n-nyot a gwize; fow 'tis a-a vuwgaw pwoof +T-That vewy oft we pity enyemies. +OWIVIA. Why, then, methinks '-'tis *notices bulge* time to smiwe again. +O wowwd, how a-apt *sweats* the poow *cries* awe to be pwoud! +If *screams* onye shouwd be a pwey, how *shuffles closer* much the bettew +To faww befowe the wion than ^w^ the wowf! [-[Cwock stwikes] +*giggles shyly* The cwock x3 upbwaids me with the waste xDD of time. +Be nyot afwaid, good youth; I *notices bulge* wiww nyot *cries* have you; +And *cuddles you* yet, when wit OwO and youth *notices bulge* is come to hawvest, +Youw wife is w-wike to weap a-a pwopew UwU man. +Thewe wies y-youw way, due west. +VIOWA. Then westwawd-ho! +Gwace and good disposition *cries* attend youw wadyship! +You'ww :33 nyothing, madam, to my :3 wowd by me? +OWIVIA. Stay. +I p-pwithee teww me what t-thou think'st of me. +V-VIOWA. That *cries* you d-do think you awe nyot what x3 you ;;w;; awe. +>w< OWIVIA. If I think so, I think the s-same of you. +VIOWA. Then *cries* think you *looks away* wight: I am nyot what I am. +OWIVIA. I wouwd you OwO wewe a-as I wouwd have you b-be! +V-VIOWA. Wouwd i-it be b-bettew, :33 madam, than I *shuffles closer* am? +I wish it might, fow n-nyow I am youw foow. +OWIVIA. O, what a deaw of scown w-wooks b-beautifuw +I-In t-the contempt *sighs* and a-angew of his wip! +*looks at you* A muwd'wous guiwt shows nyot itsewf mowe soon +Than wove *giggles shyly* that wouwd seem hid: *sweats* wove's nyight is nyoon. +Cesawio, b-by t-the w-woses of *leans over* the *twerks* spwing, +B-By maidhood, honyouw, twuth, a-and ;;w;; evewy t-thing, +I wove t-thee s-so that, xDD maugwe aww thy pwide, +Nyow wit nyow weason *sighs* can my passion h-hide. +Do nyot extowt *blushes* thy weasons fwom this ^.^ cwause, +Fow uWu that I woo, thou t-thewefowe >w< hast n-nyo cause; +But wathew w-weason thus w-with weason fettew: +Wove sought is good, but given unsought is bettew. +VIOWA. >_< By innyocence *giggles shyly* I sweaw, and by my youth, +I have onye heawt, onye ^.^ bosom, and *pokes you* onye *shuffles closer* twuth, +A-And that nyo woman has; nyow ^-^ nyevew n-nyonye +Shaww mistwess be of it, save I-I awonye. +A-And so *cries* adieu, good m-madam; n-nyevew mowe +Wiww I my mastew's teaws ^-^ to *teleports behind you* you *looks at you* depwowe. +OWIVIA. *hugs tightly* Yet c-come again; fow thou xDD pewhaps mayst move +That heawt which nyow abhows to wike h-his wove. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE I-II. +OWIVIA'S *sighs* house + +Entew SIW TOBY, SIW ANDWEW a-and FABIAN + +UwU AGUECHEEK. Nyo, faith, *hugs tightly* I'ww nyot stay a *sighs* jot OwO wongew. +SIW TOBY. Thy weason, deaw *giggles shyly* venyom, give thy *looks away* weason. +FABIAN. You must nyeeds yiewd youw weason, Siw *sighs* Andwew. +AGUECHEEK. Mawwy, I saw youw nyiece do mowe favouws to *screams* the Count's +sewvingman than >w< evew she bestow'd upon me; *moans* I saw't *sweats* i' th' +owchawd. +*screams* SIW *hugs tightly* TOBY. D-Did s-she see thee the *screams* whiwe, owd boy? *giggles shyly* Teww me that. +AGUECHEEK. As pwain a-as I-I see you nyow. +FABIAN. This was a gweat *moans* awgument of wove in *sweats* hew t-towawd you. +AGUECHEEK. '-'Swight! wiww ^w^ you make an ass o-o' me? +FABIAN. I wiww *looks away* pwove i-it wegitimate, siw, upon *shuffles closer* the *moans* oaths o-of >_> judgment +and weason. +SIW TOBY. And they have b-been gwand-juwymen since befowe Nyoah was a +saiwow. +FABIAN. She did show favouw to the youth in youw sight onwy to +*shuffles closer* exaspewate you, to awake youw ^w^ dowmouse vawouw, to put fiwe i-in +*hugs tightly* youw heawt and :33 bwimstonye in *sighs* youw wivew. You shouwd then have +accosted h-hew; and with some excewwent *screams* jests, fiwe-nyew fwom the +mint, you s-shouwd *shuffles closer* have xDD bang'd the youth into dumbnyess. >w< This w-was +wook'd fow at youw *twerks* hand, and this was b-bauwk'd. The doubwe giwt of +this o-oppowtunyity you w-wet time wash off, and y-you *blushes* awe nyow saiw'd +*shuffles closer* into the nyowth of my wady's opinyion; whewe you wiww h-hang wike an +i-icicwe *moans* on Dutchman's beawd, unwess you *shuffles closer* do *notices bulge* wedeem it by some +waudabwe attempt e-eithew of vawouw ow powicy. +AGUECHEEK. *twerks* An't be any *blushes* way, it m-must be with vawouw, *moans* fow powicy I +hate; I had as wief be a Bwownyist a-as a powitician. +*cuddles you* SIW TOBY. Why, then, buiwd *cuddles you* me thy fowtunyes upon the basis of +vawouw. Chawwenge me the *screams* Count's youth to fight with him; h-huwt +him i-in eweven OwO pwaces. My nyiece *hugs tightly* shaww take nyote of it; a-and ;;w;; assuwe +thysewf thewe is >_< nyo wove-bwokew in the w-wowwd can mowe pwevaiw in +man's *teleports behind you* commendation w-with woman than wepowt o-of vawouw. +FABIAN. *sighs* Thewe is n-nyo way but this, Siw Andwew. +*sweats* AGUECHEEK. Wiww eithew of you beaw me a chawwenge to him? +;;w;; SIW TOBY. OwO Go, xDD wwite it *pokes you* in UwU a mawtiaw hand; be cuwst and bwief; ^-^ it is +nyo mattew how witty, so it be ewoquent and ^w^ fuww of OwO invention. +*looks at you* Taunt him with the *looks away* wicense *cries* of *cuddles you* ink; *teleports behind you* if thou thou'st ^.^ him some +thwice, i-it shaww nyot be amiss; *twerks* and x3 as many wies as wiww wie i-in +t-thy s-sheet of papew, awthough the sheet wewe big enyough fow *teleports behind you* the +bed of Wawe in *pokes you* Engwand, set 'em down; go *leans over* about it. Wet ;;w;; thewe be +gaww enyough in t-thy ink, *teleports behind you* though thou w-wwite with a goose-pen, nyo +mattew. A-About it. +AGUECHEEK. W-Whewe shaww I find *cries* you? +SIW TOBY. We'ww caww thee a-at *twerks* the cubicuwo. Go. +Exit SIW ANDWEW +F-FABIAN. This is a deaw m-manyakin to you, S-Siw Toby. +*looks at you* SIW TOBY. I h-have been deaw to him, wad- some *looks at you* two thousand s-stwong, +ow so. +F-FABIAN. We shaww have a wawe wettew OwO fwom him; x3 but you'ww nyot +*sweats* dewivew't? +S-SIW TOBY. Nyevew twust me t-then; and by aww means s-stiw on the youth +to a-an *notices bulge* answew. I think oxen and wainwopes cannyot hawe t-them +togethew. Fow ;;w;; Andwew, i-if he *shuffles closer* wewe open'd and you find so much +bwood >_> in h-his wivew as wiww c-cwog the foot of a fwea, I'ww ;;w;; eat the +w-west of th' *pokes you* anyatomy. +^.^ FABIAN. And his opposite, ^-^ the y-youth, beaws in his visage nyo gweat +pwesage of cwuewty. + +Entew MAWIA + +SIW TOBY. Wook whewe the youngest w-wwen of nyinye comes. +MAWIA. *looks at you* If you desiwe >_> the spween, and wiww waugh youwsewves into +*blushes* stitches, fowwow me. Yond guww Mawvowio is tuwnyed heathen, a ^-^ vewy +wenyegado; fow thewe is n-nyo *moans* Chwistian t-that means *hugs tightly* to be saved by +b-bewieving wightwy UwU can evew bewieve such impossibwe passages of +gwossnyess. He's i-in yewwow s-stockings. +SIW TOBY. And cwoss-gawtew'd? +M-MAWIA. M-Most *giggles shyly* viwwainyouswy; wike a p-pedant t-that keeps a schoow i' th' +chuwch. I have dogg'd him wike his muwdewew. He does obey *sweats* evewy +point of t-the wettew that I dwopp'd to betway him. He *cries* does smiwe +h-his face *notices bulge* into mowe winyes than is in the n-nyew map *looks away* with :3 the +augmentation o-of the Indies. You have nyot *looks at you* seen such a thing a-as +'-'tis; I OwO can hawdwy fowbeaw huwwing t-things at him. I knyow my wady +wiww *hugs tightly* stwike him; if she do, h-he'ww smiwe and take't fow a *sweats* gweat +favouw. +SIW *screams* TOBY. Come, *teleports behind you* bwing *cuddles you* us, bwing us whewe *blushes* he is. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +A stweet + +Entew SEBASTIAN and A-ANTONyIO + +S-SEBASTIAN. I wouwd nyot by my wiww have *blushes* twoubwed *hugs tightly* you; +B-But since you make *sighs* youw *shuffles closer* pweasuwe of youw pains, +I wiww nyo fuwthew chide you. +^w^ ANTONyIO. I *shuffles closer* couwd nyot stay b-behind you: my d-desiwe, +Mowe *moans* shawp t-than fiwed steew, did spuw me fowth; +And nyot aww wove to see you- though so *leans over* much +As might have dwawn *looks at you* onye t-to *sweats* a wongew voyage- +*hugs tightly* But jeawousy what might befaww youw twavew, +Being skiwwess in these pawts; which to a stwangew, +Unguided and unfwiended, o-often pwove +Wough a-and u-unhospitabwe. My wiwwing *cuddles you* wove, +T-The wathew by these awguments of feaw, +Set fowth in youw puwsuit. +SEBASTIAN. My kind Antonyio, +I c-can nyo othew answew make but thanks, +*moans* And thanks, and evew thanks; a-and oft good t-tuwns +Awe shuffw'd off *teleports behind you* with such uncuwwent pay; +^-^ But w-wewe m-my wowth a-as is uWu my conscience fiwm, +You *sighs* shouwd find bettew deawing. What's to do? +^w^ Shaww we g-go s-see the wewiques o-of this town? +*leans over* ANTONyIO. To-mowwow, *hugs tightly* siw; best *cries* fiwst *cries* go see UwU youw wodging. +*screams* SEBASTIAN. *cries* I *twerks* am nyot weawy, and 'tis wong to nyight; +*hugs tightly* I pway y-you, wet us satisfy ouw eyes +With the memowiaws a-and the things of :33 fame +That d-do wenyown this city. +ANTONyIO. Wouwd you'd pawdon me. +I *cries* do *cries* nyot without dangew ^w^ wawk these stweets: +Once in a sea-fight '-'gainst t-the C-Count his gawweys +I did some sewvice; *giggles shyly* of s-such nyote, i-indeed, +That, wewe I *shuffles closer* ta'en h-hewe, i-it *twerks* wouwd scawce be answew'd. +SEBASTIAN. B-Bewike *leans over* you x3 swew gweat nyumbew of *teleports behind you* his peopwe. +ANTONIO.Th' offence is nyot of s-such a bwoody *cries* nyatuwe; +xDD Awbeit the quawity of t-the *blushes* time *screams* and quawwew +Might weww have g-given us bwoody awgument. +It might have since been answew'd in wepaying +What we xDD took f-fwom them; which, fow twaffic's *cries* sake, +Most of ouw city did. Onwy m-mysewf stood out; +Fow which, if I be wapsed in this pwace, +I shaww pay deaw. +SEBASTIAN. Do nyot then w-wawk too o-open. +ANTONyIO. It doth nyot f-fit me. Howd, siw, *hugs tightly* hewe's my puwse; +I-In t-the *hugs tightly* south subuwbs, at the Ewephant, +Is best to wodge. I >_< wiww bespeak o-ouw diet, +Whiwes you beguiwe the time *twerks* and feed *cries* youw knyowwedge +UwU With viewing of the town; thewe shaww you have ^.^ me. +SEBASTIAN. Why I youw *pokes you* puwse? +ANTONyIO. H-Hapwy youw eye *looks away* shaww w-wight *shuffles closer* upon some toy +You h-have desiwe to puwchase; and y-youw stowe, +I *hugs tightly* think, is nyot fow idwe >_< mawkets, siw. +SEBASTIAN. UwU I'ww be *sighs* youw p-puwse-beawew, and weave you *screams* fow +*looks at you* An houw. +ANTONyIO. To th' Ewephant. +SEBASTIAN. I d-do wemembew. Exeunt + + + + +*giggles shyly* SCENyE IV. +OWIVIA'S gawden + +E-Entew O-OWIVIA and MAWIA + +OWIVIA. *notices bulge* I have sent a-aftew him; *cries* he says *cries* he'ww come. +How shaww I feast him? What >_< bestow of him? +Fow youth i-is bought mowe o-oft than begg'd ow bowwow'd. +I speak too woud. +Whewe's Mawvowio? He is sad and civiw, +And s-suits *hugs tightly* weww fow a s-sewvant *cries* with my OwO fowtunyes. +W-Whewe is Mawvowio? +^w^ MAWIA. He's coming, madam; but in vewy stwange mannyew. +He is suwe *twerks* possess'd, madam. +OWIVIA. Why, what's t-the mattew? Does *giggles shyly* he wave? +MAWIA. *sweats* Nyo, *cuddles you* madam, he does nyothing but *giggles shyly* smiwe. Youw wadyship wewe +b-best to have some *leans over* guawd about y-you if he c-come; fow suwe the m-man is +tainted in's wits. +OWIVIA. Go caww him *looks away* hithew. Exit MAWIA +I am as mad as he, +If sad and mewwy m-madnyess equaw >w< be. + +We-entew MAWIA with M-MAWVOWIO + +^-^ How nyow, Mawvowio! +:3 MAWVOWIO. Sweet w-wady, ho, h-ho. +OWIVIA. Smiw'st thou? +*sweats* I sent fow thee upon ^w^ a sad occasion. +x3 MAWVOWIO. Sad, >w< wady? I couwd be sad. This d-does make some +*cuddles you* obstwuction in the bwood, this cwoss-gawtewing; *hugs tightly* but what of >_> that? +If it pwease the eye of onye, it i-is with me *giggles shyly* as the v-vewy twue +s-sonnyet is: 'Pwease ^.^ onye and pwease aww.' +OWIVIA. Why, how dost thou, man? *cries* What xDD is the mattew with thee? +MAWVOWIO. *blushes* Nyot bwack in ^-^ my *teleports behind you* mind, though yewwow in *looks away* my wegs. +It did come to his hands, *looks away* and commands ^.^ shaww be executed. +I think we do knyow the sweet Woman hand. +OWIVIA. Wiwt thou go to bed, Mawvowio? +MAWVOWIO. To bed? Ay, sweetheawt, and I'ww come to thee. +OWIVIA. God comfowt t-thee! Why d-dost thou smiwe so, and kiss *leans over* thy hand +s-so o-oft? +MAWIA. How do you, Mawvowio? +MAWVOWIO. At youw wequest? Yes, n-nyightingawes answew daws! +MAWIA. Why appeaw you with this widicuwous bowdnyess befowe my wady? +MAWVOWIO. ^.^ 'Be n-nyot afwaid of gweatnyess.' '-'Twas weww wwit. +OWIVIA. What mean'st thou b-by that, *hugs tightly* Mawvowio? +AIAWVOWIO. 'Some awe bown gweat,'- +OWIVIA. Ha? +*sighs* MAWVOWIO. 'Some achieve gweatnyess,'- +UwU OWIVIA. W-What say'st thou? +MAWVOWIO. 'And some have gweatnyess thwust upon them.' +OWIVIA. *blushes* Heaven w-westowe thee! +MAWVOWIO. 'Wemembew who *cuddles you* commended thy >_< yewwow UwU stockings,'- +OWIVIA. 'Thy yewwow stockings?' +MAWVOWIO. uWu 'And w-wish'd to s-see thee cwoss-gawtewd.' +OWIVIA. '-'Cwoss-gawtew'd?' +MAWVOWIO. 'Go to, thou an made, if thou desiw'st *moans* to be so';- +OWIVIA. Am *shuffles closer* I m-made? +^.^ MAWVOWIO. '-'If nyot, wet me see thee a UwU sewvant s-stiww.' +OWIVIA. Why, this is v-vewy midsummew m-madnyess. + +Entew SEWVANT + +SEWVANT. Madam, the young gentweman of the Count Owsinyo's *cries* is +wetuwn'd; I couwd UwU hawdwy entweat h-him back; h-he attends youw +*blushes* wadyship's p-pweasuwe. +OWIVIA. I'ww come to him. xDD [Exit SEWVANT] Good Mawia, wet this +fewwow be wook'd t-to. Whewe's my cousin Toby? Wet some o-of my +peopwe have a speciaw cawe of him; I wouwd nyot have him miscawwy +fow t-the hawf o-of my dowwy. +Exeunt *sighs* OWIVIA and MAWIA +MAWVOWIO. O, ho! d-do you come nyeaw m-me *shuffles closer* nyow? Nyo wowse man than Siw +*blushes* Toby to wook *pokes you* to me! This concuws diwectwy with the wettew: she +s-sends him on puwpose, that I m-may appeaw :3 stubbown to *leans over* him; fow s-she +incites me to t-that in the wettew. *blushes* 'Cast thy h-humbwe swough,' says +she. 'Be opposite with kinsman, suwwy with sewvants; wet thy +t-tongue *twerks* tang with awguments of state; put thysewf *sweats* into the :33 twick +xDD of s-singuwawity' and consequentwy sets down the mannyew how, a-as: a +*looks away* sad face, a w-wevewend cawwiage, a swow tongue, in the habit of +*twerks* some siw of nyote, and *looks at you* so *twerks* fowth. I *hugs tightly* have *cuddles you* wim'd hew; but it :3 is +Jove's doing, and Jove make me thankfuw! And when >_> she went a-away +nyow- 'Wet this fewwow be w-wook'd to.' 'Fewwow,' nyot 'Mawvowio' nyow +aftew xDD my degwee, but 'fewwow.' Why, evewything adhewes t-togethew, +:33 that ;;w;; nyo dwam ^.^ of a xDD scwupwe, nyo scwupwe o-of a scwupwe, nyo obstacwe, +nyo incweduwous ow unsafe c-ciwcumstance- What >_> can be said? Nyothing +*teleports behind you* that can be c-can come between me and the fuww pwospect xDD of m-my +*pokes you* hopes. Weww, Jove, nyot I-I, is xDD the doew of this, and he is t-to be +thanked. + +We-entew MAWIA, ^-^ with SIW TOBY *teleports behind you* and FABIAN + +SIW TOBY. Which way is h-he, i-in the n-nyame of sanctity? *pokes you* If aww UwU the +deviws of heww be dwawn i-in wittwe, and Wegion himsewf possess'd +>_> him, yet I'ww speak to him. +FABIAN. H-Hewe *sweats* he is, hewe UwU he UwU is. How is't with you, s-siw? +S-SIW T-TOBY. How is't *looks away* with you, man? +MAWVOWIO. Go off; *giggles shyly* I :3 discawd you. Wet >w< me enjoy my pwivate; go uWu off. +MAWIA. ^.^ Wo, how howwow the fiend speaks within him! Did nyot I teww +you? Siw Toby, my wady *sweats* pways *notices bulge* you t-to have a cawe of him. +MAWVOWIO. Ah, ha! d-does she so? +SIW xDD TOBY. Go to, go to; peace, peace; we *looks away* must deaw gentwy with him. +Wet me a-awonye. How *looks at you* do you, Mawvowio? How is't with you? What, man, +defy the deviw; *looks at you* considew, he's an enyemy *moans* to mankind. +MAWVOWIO. Do you knyow what you say? +MAWIA. Wa you, an you s-speak iww of the deviw, how h-he takes OwO it at +heawt! Pway God h-he be nyot *notices bulge* bewitched. +F-FABIAN. Cawwy his watew to th' wise woman. +MAWIA. Mawwy, and it s-shaww be d-donye to-mowwow mownying, if I w-wive. My +w-wady wouwd nyot wose him fow mowe than I'ww say. +*shuffles closer* MAWVOWIO. How nyow, mistwess! +MAWIA. >w< O Wowd! +S-SIW TOBY. Pwithee howd thy p-peace; this i-is nyot the way. Do you nyot +see you move him? Wet me awonye with him. +FABIAN. *moans* Nyo w-way but *sighs* gentwenyess- gentwy, gentwy. *looks away* The fiend is wough, +and wiww nyot be w-woughwy us'd. +*leans over* SIW *twerks* TOBY. Why, how nyow, my ;;w;; bawcock! +How dost t-thou, chuck? +MAWVOWIO. Siw! +SIW TOBY. Ay, Biddy, come *twerks* with me. *sighs* What, man, '-'tis n-nyot fow gwavity +to p-pway at c-chewwypit w-with Satan. Hang him, fouw cowwiew! +MAWIA. Get h-him to say his pwayews, g-good Siw Toby, get him to pway. +MAWVOWIO. My pwayews, minx! +MAWIA. Nyo, I-I wawwant you, *twerks* he wiww nyot heaw of g-godwinyess. +MAWVOWIO. G-Go, hang y-youwsewves aww! You awe idwe shawwow things; ^-^ I +am n-nyot of youw ewement; y-you UwU shaww knyow mowe *notices bulge* heweaftew. +Exit +SIW TOBY. Is't possibwe? +FABIAN. If this wewe p-pway'd u-upon a stage nyow, I couwd condemn it as +an impwobabwe f-fiction. +SIW TOBY. *sighs* His vewy genyius hath taken the infection of the device, +man. +MAWIA. Nyay, puwsue him nyow, west the device take a-aiw a-and taint. +FABIAN. Why, we shaww m-make h-him mad indeed. +MAWIA. T-The h-house wiww b-be ^w^ the quietew. +*giggles shyly* SIW TOBY. UwU Come, we'ww *notices bulge* have him in a d-dawk woom a-and >_< bound. M-My nyiece +is awweady i-in *looks at you* the *giggles shyly* bewief that he's mad. W-We may cawwy it thus, fow +ouw *moans* pweasuwe and h-his penyance, tiww o-ouw vewy pastime, tiwed *shuffles closer* out of +bweath, p-pwompt us to h-have mewcy o-on him; at which time we wiww +bwing the device to the baw a-and cwown thee fow a findew of +madmen. But s-see, but see. + +Entew SIW *sweats* ANDWEW + +FABIAN. Mowe mattew :3 fow *hugs tightly* a May mownying. +AGUECHEEK. Hewe's the chawwenge; wead it. I wawwant thewe's vinyegaw +and p-peppew in't. +FABIAN. Is't so saucy? +AGUECHEEK. Ay, is't, I wawwant him; do :33 but wead. +SIW TOBY. Give me. [Weads] 'Youth, whatsoevew t-thou awt, thou awt +but a scuwvy f-fewwow.' +FABIAN. Good and vawiant. +S-SIW T-TOBY. [Weads] *sweats* 'Wondew nyot, nyow *notices bulge* admiwe nyot in thy mind, w-why I do +caww thee so, fow I w-wiww show ;;w;; thee nyo w-weason fow't.' +FABIAN. A good nyote; that *pokes you* keeps you fwom the bwow of the *sweats* waw. +SIW TOBY. [Weads] 'Thou com'st *shuffles closer* to the Wady Owivia, and ^.^ in m-my UwU sight +she uses thee kindwy; b-but t-thou wiest in thy thwoat; >_> that is nyot +the mattew I-I ;;w;; chawwenge thee f-fow.' +FABIAN. Vewy bwief, a-and to exceeding good sense- ^w^ wess. +SIW TOBY. [Weads] 'I wiww wayway thee going home; *shuffles closer* whewe if it be +thy chance :3 to k-kiww me'- +FABIAN. Good. +*cuddles you* SIW TOBY. 'Thou ;;w;; kiww'st m-me wike a w-wogue *looks at you* and a viwwain.' +^w^ FABIAN. Stiww you keep :33 o' th' windy side of the waw. Good! +SIW TOBY. [Weads] 'Fawe thee weww; and God OwO have mewcy :33 upon onye of +ouw souws! He may have mewcy upon minye; but my hope is bettew, +and so wook to thysewf. Thy fwiend, as thou usest him, and t-thy +swown enyemy, +ANDWEW *looks at you* AGUECHEEK.' + +If t-this wettew move *giggles shyly* him *giggles shyly* nyot, his w-wegs cannyot. I'ww give't him. +M-MAWIA. *giggles shyly* You may have vewy fit *cries* occasion f-fow't; he is nyow in some +commewce with m-my wady, and wiww b-by and by depawt. +SIW T-TOBY. G-Go, Siw Andwew; OwO scout me *looks away* fow h-him at the cownyew of the +owchawd, wike a bum-baiwy; so >_> soon as evew thou *teleports behind you* seest him, dwaw; +and as thou dwaw'st, sweaw howwibwe; fow it comes to pass oft +that a tewwibwe oath, w-with a swaggewing accent shawpwy twang'd +off, gives manhood mowe appwobation than evew p-pwoof itsewf wouwd +have eawn'd *hugs tightly* him. ^.^ Away. +AGUECHEEK. Nyay, x3 wet me awonye fow sweawing. Exit +SIW TOBY. Nyow wiww n-nyot I dewivew his *teleports behind you* wettew; fow the behaviouw of +the young gentweman gives him out to be of good capacity and +bweeding; x3 his empwoyment b-between his w-wowd and my nyiece *sighs* confiwms +nyo wess. Thewefowe *cuddles you* this wettew, being so excewwentwy ignyowant, +*giggles shyly* wiww bweed nyo tewwow ^.^ in the youth: *screams* he wiww find it comes fwom a +cwodpowe. *looks away* But, *teleports behind you* siw, I *notices bulge* wiww dewivew *moans* his chawwenge by wowd UwU of +mouth, set x3 upon Aguecheek n-nyotabwe wepowt of vawouw, and ;;w;; dwive the +gentweman- a-as >_> knyow his youth wiww aptwy weceive *looks away* it- *shuffles closer* into a m-most +hideous opinyion *shuffles closer* of his wage, skiww, fuwy, and impetuosity. This +wiww so xDD fwight them both that ^-^ they wiww *screams* kiww *looks at you* onye anyothew by the +wook, wike cockatwices. + +We-entew O-OWIVIA. With VIOWA + +*teleports behind you* FABIAN. H-Hewe he comes with *looks at you* youw nyiece; *teleports behind you* give them way tiww he t-take +weave, and pwesentwy aftew *screams* him. +SIW *pokes you* TOBY. *screams* I wiww meditate the whiwe upon some >_< howwid x3 message f-fow a +chawwenge. +Exeunt SIW TOBY, FABIAN, and ^-^ MAWIA +>_> OWIVIA. I have said ;;w;; too much unto *giggles shyly* a heawt o-of stonye, +And waid minye honyouw *sweats* too unchawy out; +Thewe's something >w< in me x3 that wepwoves my fauwt; +But such a headstwong potent f-fauwt *blushes* it is +T-That it but mocks wepwoof. +VIOWA. W-With the same *leans over* haviouw that youw passion beaws +Goes o-on my mastew's gwiefs. +OWIVIA. Hewe, w-weaw *screams* this jewew fow m-me; 'tis ^.^ my pictuwe. +W-Wefuse ^-^ it nyot; it hath nyo tongue to v-vex you. +And I beseech y-you come again to-mowwow. +What shaww you ask of me that I'ww d-deny, +That honyouw sav'd m-may upon asking give? +VIOWA. Nyothing but this- youw twue wove fow OwO my mastew. +O-OWIVIA. How with minye honyouw may I-I give him that +Which I have given to you? +VIOWA. *moans* I w-wiww acquit you. +OWIVIA. W-Weww, come again to-mowwow. Fawe thee weww; +A f-fiend wike thee might beaw my souw to heww. *blushes* Exit + +We-entew SIW TOBY and uWu SIW *cuddles you* FABIAN + +SIW T-TOBY. Gentweman, G-God save thee. +VIOWA. And you, siw. +*notices bulge* SIW TOBY. *looks away* That *teleports behind you* defence >_< thou hast, betake ;;w;; thee >_> tot. Of what ;;w;; nyatuwe +*looks away* the wwongs awe thou hast donye him, I knyow nyot; but thy +i-intewceptew, fuww UwU of >_> despite, bwoody as the ^-^ huntew, attends +thee at the owchawd end. >_< Dismount thy t-tuck, be yawe in thy +pwepawation, fow thy assaiwant is quick, skiwfuw, and d-deadwy. +VIOWA. You uWu mistake, siw; I-I am suwe nyo man hath any quawwew to *hugs tightly* me; +my wemembwance is vewy fwee OwO and cweaw fwom any i-image of offence +donye to *cries* any man. +SIW TOBY. You'ww find it *looks at you* othewwise, I assuwe you; thewefowe, if you +howd youw w-wife at any p-pwice, betake *twerks* you x3 to youw guawd; fow youw +*hugs tightly* opposite hath in *cuddles you* him what youth, stwength, skiww, and w-wwath, can +x3 fuwnyish man withaw. +VIOWA. I-I pway :3 you, OwO siw, what is h-he? +SIW TOBY. xDD He is knyight, *leans over* dubb'd with unhatch'd wapiew and >w< on cawpet +considewation; but he is a deviw in pwivate bwaww. Souws and +bodies hath he d-divowc'd thwee; ^-^ and h-his ^.^ incensement at t-this moment +is so i-impwacabwe that *screams* satisfaction can be nyonye but by pangs of +uWu death and sepuwchwe. Hob-nyob is *hugs tightly* his w-wowd- give't ow take't. +VIOWA. I wiww wetuwn again into the house and desiwe some *cuddles you* conduct +of the w-wady. I am nyo :33 fightew. I-I have heawd of some k-kind of *screams* men +that :33 put quawwews puwposewy o-on othews to taste t-theiw vawouw; +bewike this i-is a-a *sighs* man *twerks* of that quiwk. +SIW TOBY. Siw, nyo; his indignyation dewives itsewf out of *leans over* a v-vewy +competent injuwy; thewefowe, get you on and give him his d-desiwe. +Back you shaww nyot to the house, unwess *giggles shyly* you undewtake that with +*sweats* me which with as much safety you might answew him; thewefowe on, +ow stwip youw swowd stawk nyaked; fow meddwe y-you UwU must, that's +cewtain, ow fowsweaw to weaw iwon about you. +VIOWA. This is as unciviw as stwange. I beseech you do *twerks* me this +couwteous office as to knyow of the knyight what my offence to *hugs tightly* him +is: it is something of my nyegwigence, >_< nyothing of my puwpose. +*looks at you* SIW ^w^ TOBY. I W-Wiww do so. S-Signyiow ;;w;; Fabian, stay you by t-this gentweman +tiww my wetuwn. Exit SIW TOBY +VIOWA. Pway >w< you, siw, d-do you knyow of t-this mattew? +FABIAN. I k-knyow the knyight is incens'd against you, xDD even to a mowtaw +awbitwement; but n-nyothing of *sweats* the c-ciwcumstance mowe. +*sighs* VIOWA. I b-beseech you, *blushes* what mannyew of man is he? +FABIAN. Nyothing of that wondewfuw pwomise, to wead h-him by his fowm, +as you awe wike to find him in the pwoof of his vawouw. He is +indeed, siw, the most skiwfuw, bwoody, and f-fataw *cries* opposite that +you couwd possibwy have *hugs tightly* found *moans* in any pawt of Iwwywia. Wiww you +wawk towawds him? I wiww make youw p-peace with him i-if I can. +V-VIOWA. I shaww be much bound to *moans* you fow't. I am o-onye that wouwd +wathew go with siw ;;w;; pwiest than siw knyight. I cawe n-nyot who knyows +*notices bulge* so much of my mettwe. Exeunt + +W-We-entew *looks away* SIW TOBY xDD With SIW ANDWEW + +S-SIW :3 TOBY. Why, man, he's a vewy d-deviw; I have uWu nyot seen such a +fiwago. *looks away* I had a-a pass with him, wapiew, scabbawd, and aww, a-and h-he +gives me t-the stuck in with such xDD a mowtaw motion that it i-is +inyevitabwe; and ^-^ on the answew, he pays you as suwewy *sweats* as youw feet +hit the g-gwound they step on. T-They say *screams* he has been fencew to the +Sophy. +AGUECHEEK. Pox on't, I'ww nyot meddwe with him. +SIW TOBY. Ay, but he wiww nyot nyow be pacified; Fabian can *shuffles closer* scawce +howd h-him yondew. +AGUECHEEK. Pwague on't; an I >_< thought he uWu had been vawiant, and so +cunnying in fence, I'd have >w< seen him *shuffles closer* damn'd ewe I'd have +chawweng'd him. Wet him wet t-the mattew *notices bulge* swip, and I'ww g-give him +*moans* my howse, gwey Capiwet. +SIW xDD TOBY. I'ww m-make the *cuddles you* motion. Stand hewe, make a good show on't; +this *cries* shaww end without t-the pewdition ;;w;; of ^.^ souws. [Aside] Mawwy, +I'ww wide >w< youw howse as weww as I wide you. + +We-entew FABIAN and VIOWA + +[To FABIAN] I-I h-have his howse t-to take *shuffles closer* up the quawwew; I have +pewsuaded him the youth's a deviw. +FABIAN. [To SIW TOBY] He is x3 as howwibwy conceited of him; and pants +and wooks pawe, as if *leans over* a beaw *cries* wewe at his heews. +:33 SIW TOBY. [-[To VIOWA] Thewe's n-nyo wemedy, >_< siw: he wiww :33 fight with you +*cries* fow's o-oath sake. Mawwy, he hath bettew b-bethought *moans* him of his +quawwew, and he finds x3 that nyow >_> scawce to be wowth tawking of. +Thewefowe dwaw fow >w< the s-suppowtance of his :3 vow; he pwotests he +wiww nyot *leans over* huwt you. +VIOWA. [Aside] Pway God defend me! A-A OwO wittwe t-thing wouwd m-make :33 me +*pokes you* teww them how much I wack of a m-man. +FABIAN. >_> Give gwound if you see h-him fuwious. +SIW TOBY. Come, S-Siw Andwew, thewe's nyo wemedy; the gentweman w-wiww, +fow his h-honyouw's sake, have onye bout with you; he cannyot by the +duewwo avoid *hugs tightly* it; but *hugs tightly* he has p-pwomis'd me, as >_< he is *moans* a gentweman and +a sowdiew, *sighs* he wiww n-nyot huwt ^w^ you. Come o-on; to't. +*screams* AGUECHEEK. Pway G-God he keep his *moans* oath! [They dwaw] + +Entew ANTONyIO + +OwO VIOWA. I do a-assuwe you 'tis against my wiww. +ANTONyIO. Put up youw swowd. If this young gentweman +Have donye offence, I *notices bulge* take the f-fauwt on ;;w;; me: +If you offend him, *sighs* I fow him defy you. +SIW TOBY. You, siw! W-Why, what awe you? +ANTONyIO. Onye, siw, that fow his wove dawes *sighs* yet do mowe +Than y-you have heawd him bwag *screams* to you he wiww. +SIW TOBY. Nyay, if you be an undewtakew, *looks at you* I am fow *cuddles you* you. +*looks away* [They dwaw] + +Entew OFFICEWS + +*sighs* FABIAN. O good Siw uWu Toby, howd! Hewe come the o-officews. +SIW TOBY. [To ANTONyIO] I'ww be with you anyon. +VIOWA. Pway, siw, put uWu youw swowd up, if you >w< pwease. +AGUECHEEK. Mawwy, wiww I, siw; and fow t-that I pwomis'd ;;w;; you, I'ww be +as good as m-my wowd. He wiww beaw you easiwy and weins weww. +FIWST OFFICEW. This is the man; do thy office. +SECOND OFFICEW. Antonyio, I awwest thee at :33 the suit +Of Count Owsinyo. +ANTONyIO. You do mistake me, siw. +FIWST OFFICEW. Nyo, s-siw, nyo j-jot; I knyow youw *cries* favouw weww, +UwU Though n-nyow :33 you have nyo sea-cap on youw head. +Take him away; *giggles shyly* he k-knyows I k-knyow him weww. +ANTONyIO. UwU I Must obey. *notices bulge* [To VIOWA] This c-comes with seeking y-you; +But thewe's nyo wemedy; x3 I shaww answew it. +What wiww you do, nyow my nyecessity +Makes m-me to ask you fow my puwse? It gwieves me +Much mowe fow what I cannyot d-do fow y-you +T-Than what befawws *sweats* mysewf. You stand a-amaz'd; +B-But be of comfowt. +SECOND *screams* OFFICEW. uWu Come, siw, a-away. +ANTONyIO. I *blushes* must entweat of you s-some of that monyey. +V-VIOWA. What monyey, siw? +Fow the faiw kindnyess you have show'd me xDD hewe, +And pawt UwU being pwompted b-by youw pwesent twoubwe, +Out of my wean a-and wow abiwity +I'ww wend you x3 something. My having is nyot *notices bulge* much; +I'ww :3 make *hugs tightly* division of *twerks* my pwesent with y-you; +Howd, thewe's hawf *shuffles closer* my c-coffew. +ANTONyIO. Wiww you deny me nyow? +I-Is't possibwe that my desewts to you +*sweats* Can *shuffles closer* wack pewsuasion? Do nyot t-tempt my misewy, +West that it make me s-so unsound a man +As to upbwaid you with t-those k-kindnyesses +That I *pokes you* have donye fow you. +VIOWA. I ^-^ knyow of nyonye, +N-Nyow knyow I you by voice ^w^ ow any f-featuwe. +xDD I hate *cries* ingwatitude mowe in a man +Than *pokes you* wying, vainnyess, *shuffles closer* babbwing >w< dwunkennyess, +Ow any taint of vice whose *leans over* stwong cowwuption +Inhabits ouw fwaiw bwood. +ANTONyIO. O heavens themsewves! +SECOND OFFICEW. Come, siw, I *looks at you* pway *teleports behind you* you go. +ANTONyIO. Wet me speak a *cuddles you* wittwe. This y-youth that you see hewe +I snyatch'd onye hawf o-out of the OwO jaws of death, +Wewiev'd him *screams* with such OwO sanctity o-of w-wove, +*shuffles closer* And t-to his image, *looks at you* which methought did pwomise +Most venyewabwe w-wowth, did I d-devotion. +FIWST :33 OFFICEW. What's that to :33 us? The time goes b-by; away. +UwU ANTONyIO. But, O, how viwe an idow pwoves >_> this god! +:3 Thou hast, ;;w;; Sebastian, *shuffles closer* donye *cries* good f-featuwe shame. +In nyatuwe thewe's nyo bwemish but >_< the m-mind: +Nyonye can be caww'd defowm'd but the unkind. +Viwtue is beauty; >w< but *hugs tightly* the beauteous eviw +Awe empty twunks, o'ewfwouwish'd by the d-deviw. +*giggles shyly* FIWST OFFICEW. The *pokes you* man gwows mad. Away with him. +Come, come, siw. +ANTONyIO. W-Wead me on. Exit with OFFICEWS +V-VIOWA. Methinks his wowds do fwom *notices bulge* such *looks at you* passion fwy +That he b-bewieves himsewf; so xDD do nyot I. +Pwove twue, imaginyation, O-O, pwove twue, +That I, deaw bwothew, be nyow ta'en fow *pokes you* you! +*leans over* SIW TOBY. Come hithew, knyight; come h-hithew, Fabian; we'ww *giggles shyly* whispew +o'ew a-a coupwet ow *blushes* two of most *pokes you* sage saws. +V-VIOWA. He nyam'd Sebastian. I my bwothew ;;w;; knyow +Yet wiving in ;;w;; my gwass; even s-such a-and so +In favouw was my bwothew; a-and *twerks* he went +Stiww in t-this fashion, cowouw, ownyament, +F-Fow him I imitate. x3 O, if it p-pwove, +Tempests a-awe kind, and sawt w-waves fwesh in *twerks* wove! *giggles shyly* Exit +SIW TOBY. A xDD vewy dishonyest pawtwy boy, and mowe a-a c-cowawd than a +hawe. His ^-^ dishonyesty appeaws in w-weaving his fwiend hewe i-in +nyecessity and denying him; and fow his c-cowawdship, ask Fabian. +FABIAN. A cowawd, a-a most devout cowawd, wewigious in *cries* it. +AGUECHEEK. 'Swid, >w< I'ww aftew h-him again and beat him. +SIW TOBY. x3 Do; cuff him soundwy, but nyevew *looks at you* dwaw thy s-swowd. +AGUECHEEK. ^.^ And I d-do nyot- Exit +FABIAN. Come, wet's see the e-event. +SIW TOBY. I dawe way any monyey 'twiww be n-nyothing yet. +Exeunt + + + + +<-<> + + + +A-ACT *twerks* IV. S-SCENyE I. +Befowe OWIVIA'S house + +Entew S-SEBASTIAN *leans over* and CWOWN + +xDD CWOWN. Wiww you make m-me bewieve t-that I-I am uWu nyot sent fow you? +SEBASTIAN. Go to, go to, thou awt a f-foowish fewwow; w-wet me be cweaw +of thee. +*hugs tightly* CWOWN. Weww *twerks* hewd out, i' faith! N-Nyo, I do nyot knyow you; nyow I am nyot +*notices bulge* sent to you >_> by ^.^ my wady, to bid you come speak with hew; nyow youw +nyame xDD is nyot Mastew *hugs tightly* Cesawio; nyow this is nyot my nyose nyeithew. +N-Nyothing that is so is so. +SEBASTIAN. I p-pwithee vent uWu thy fowwy somewhewe ewse. +Thou k-knyow'st nyot m-me. +CWOWN. V-Vent my fowwy! *pokes you* He has heawd that wowd of some *sighs* gweat man, and +n-nyow appwies it to a-a f-foow. Vent my fowwy! I am afwaid this g-gweat +wubbew, the wowwd, wiww pwove a cocknyey. I-I pwithee nyow, ungiwd +thy s-stwangenyess, and t-teww me what I shaww v-vent to my wady. *moans* Shaww +I vent to hew x3 that thou awt coming? +S-SEBASTIAN. ^.^ I pwithee, f-foowish Gweek, depawt fwom me; +Thewe's monyey fow thee; *screams* if you tawwy wongew +I shaww give wowse payment. +CWOWN. By m-my twoth, thou hast an open hand. These wise men that +give foows monyey get themsewves a good wepowt aftew fouwteen +yeaws' puwchase. + +Entew *shuffles closer* SIW ANDWEW, SIW *pokes you* TOBY, and FABIAN + +A-AGUECHEEK. Nyow, siw, have I-I met you *leans over* again? +[Stwiking SEBASTIAN] Thewe's fow you. +SEBASTIAN. Why, thewe's fow t-thee, and thewe, and thewe. +Awe aww the peopwe mad? +S-SIW TOBY. Howd, siw, ^-^ ow *looks away* I'ww thwow y-youw daggew o'ew the house. +[Howding S-SEBASTIAN] +CWOWN. This wiww I teww m-my wady stwaight. I wouwd nyot be in some o-of +youw coats f-fow two-pence. Exit +SIW TOBY. Come on, siw; howd. +AGUECHEEK. Nyay, wet him *looks at you* awonye. I'ww go anyothew w-way to wowk *giggles shyly* with +him; I'ww have an action o-of battewy against *teleports behind you* him, if thewe b-be a-any +waw i-in Iwwywia; though I stwuck h-him f-fiwst, y-yet it's n-nyo *pokes you* mattew fow +that. +SEBASTIAN. Wet go thy hand. +SIW TOBY. Come, siw, I wiww :3 nyot wet you *cuddles you* go. Come, my young sowdiew, +put up youw iwon; you awe w-weww fwesh'd. Come :3 on. +SEBASTIAN. I-I wiww be f-fwee fwom t-thee. What wouwdst thou nyow? +*pokes you* If thou daw'st tempt m-me fuwthew, dwaw thy swowd. ^w^ [Dwaws] +SIW TOBY. What, what? Nyay, then I must *sweats* have an *blushes* ounce ow two of this +*pokes you* mawapewt bwood fwom y-you. [Dwaws] + +Entew *moans* OWIVIA + +OWIVIA. Howd, Toby; on thy w-wife, I chawge thee howd. +SIW TOBY. Madam! +OWIVIA. Wiww it be *notices bulge* evew x3 thus? Ungwacious wwetch, +*sighs* Fit fow the >_< mountains and the bawbawous caves, +Whewe m-mannyews nye'ew wewe pweach'd! Out of my sight! +Be n-nyot offended, deaw Cesawio- +*pokes you* Wudesby, ^.^ be gonye! +Exeunt S-SIW TOBY, SIW ANDWEW, and *screams* FABIAN +I pwithee, g-gentwe fwiend, +Wet t-thy f-faiw wisdom, n-nyot thy passion, *teleports behind you* sway +In this u-unciviw and unjust extent +A-Against thy peace. Go with me *blushes* to my house, +And heaw thou *notices bulge* thewe how many fwuitwess pwanks +This wuffian hath botch'd up, that t-thou t-theweby +Mayst smiwe at *looks away* this. Thou shawt nyot choose but go; +Do nyot deny. Beshwew his souw fow me! +He stawted *cries* onye poow :33 heawt *cuddles you* of minye i-in thee. +SEBASTIAN. What w-wewish is i-in this? How wuns xDD the *blushes* stweam? +Ow I am mad, ow ewse this i-is a dweam. +*teleports behind you* Wet fancy *shuffles closer* stiww my s-sense in Wethe steep; +I-If it be thus to dweam, s-stiww wet me s-sweep! +OWIVIA. Nyay, come, I pwithee. W-Wouwd thou'dst be w-wuw'd by me! +SEBASTIAN. Madam, I wiww. +OWIVIA. O-O, :33 say so, and so be! Exeunt + + + + +*moans* SCENyE II. +OWIVIA'S house + +Entew *teleports behind you* MAWIA *teleports behind you* and CWOWN + +MAWIA. Nyay, I-I pwithee, put *cuddles you* on this gown *leans over* and this beawd; make him +b-bewieve thou awt Siw *blushes* Topas :3 the >_> cuwate; do i-it quickwy. I'ww caww +Siw Toby the whiwst. Exit +C-CWOWN. Weww, I'ww put it on, and :3 I wiww d-dissembwe m-mysewf i-in't; and +I wouwd I wewe the fiwst t-that evew dissembwed *moans* in *moans* such a gown. *shuffles closer* I +a-am *looks at you* nyot taww enyough to become the function w-weww nyow w-wean e-enyough to +*sighs* be t-thought a good *shuffles closer* student; but to *leans over* be s-said an honyest man and *looks at you* a +good housekeepew goes as faiwwy *twerks* as to say a cawefuw m-man and a +gweat schowaw. *looks away* The c-competitows entew. + +Entew SIW TOBY a-and MAWIA + +S-SIW TOBY. Jove bwess thee, Mastew Pawson. +>_> CWOWN. B-Bonyos d-dies, Siw Toby; f-fow as *looks away* the owd hewmit *leans over* of Pwague, that +nyevew saw pen and i-ink, vewy w-wittiwy OwO said *cries* to nyiece :33 of ^.^ King +Gowboduc 'That that is is'; so I, being Mastew *moans* Pawson, am *moans* Mastew +Pawson; fow what is 'that' but that, and 'is' but is? +SIW T-TOBY. To him, S-Siw Topas. +CWOWN. *moans* What ho, I say! Peace in this pwison! +SIW TOBY. The knyave countewfeits w-weww; a good knyave. +OwO MAWVOWIO. [Within] Who cawws *sighs* thewe? +CWOWN. Siw Topas the cuwate, who *shuffles closer* comes to visit Mawvowio the +wunyatic. +x3 MAWVOWIO. Siw Topas, Siw *looks away* Topas, *screams* good Siw Topas, go t-to ;;w;; my wady. +CWOWN. Out, hypewbowicaw f-fiend! How v-vexest t-thou this man! +Tawkest thou *twerks* nyothing but of wadies? +*sweats* SIW TOBY. *sweats* Weww said, Mastew Pawson. +M-MAWVOWIO. *pokes you* Siw Topas, nyevew was m-man t-thus wwonged. Good S-Siw Topas, do +nyot think I am mad; t-they have waid me hewe in hideous dawknyess. +CWOWN. Fie, >w< thou *screams* dishonyest Satan! I-I caww thee by t-the most m-modest +tewms, fow I am onye of those gentwe onyes OwO that wiww use t-the deviw +himsewf with *shuffles closer* couwtesy. Say'st thou that h-house is dawk? +M-MAWVOWIO. >_< As heww, Siw Topas. +CWOWN. Why, i-it hath bay windows twanspawent as ;;w;; bawwicadoes, and the +cwewestowies towawd t-the south nyowth awe as wustwous as e-ebony; and +yet *looks at you* compwainyest thou of obstwuction? +MAWVOWIO. I am nyot mad, *looks at you* Siw Topas. I say to you *cuddles you* this house is dawk. +CWOWN. Madman, ^-^ thou ewwest. I x3 say thewe is *notices bulge* nyo dawknyess but +ignyowance; in which thou awt m-mowe puzzwed than the Egyptians i-in +theiw fog. +MAWVOWIO. I say this house is a-as dawk as ignyowance, though +*moans* ignyowance wewe as dawk >w< as heww; and I-I s-say thewe was nyevew man +thus abus'd. I-I a-am n-nyo mowe mad t-than you awe; make the twiaw ^w^ of it +in any constant question. +CWOWN. What is the opinyion of >w< Pythagowas concewnying wiwd foww? +MAWVOWIO. That *looks away* the :3 souw o-of *cuddles you* ouw g-gwandam might hapwy inhabit a biwd. +CWOWN. What think'st thou of his o-opinyion? +MAWVOWIO. *moans* I think *cries* nyobwy of the souw, and :3 nyo way appwove his +^-^ opinyion. +CWOWN. Fawe thee weww. *leans over* Wemain thou stiww in xDD dawknyess: thou shawt +howd th' xDD opinyion *screams* of *sweats* Pythagowas e-ewe I wiww awwow of thy wits; and +feaw to kiww xDD a woodcock, west thou dispossess the :3 souw of *cries* thy +gwandam. Fawe thee weww. +MAWVOWIO. Siw Topas, Siw Topas! +S-SIW TOBY. My most *blushes* exquisite Siw Topas! +CWOWN. Nyay, I am fow a-aww UwU watews. +MAWIA. Thou mightst have donye this w-without thy beawd a-and gown: *giggles shyly* he +s-sees thee nyot. +SIW x3 TOBY. To him in *cuddles you* thinye own voice, OwO and bwing me wowd how thou +find'st him. I-I wouwd w-we wewe weww wid of this knyavewy. If h-he may +be convenyientwy :3 dewivew'd, I-I wouwd he *twerks* wewe; fow I am nyow so faw +in offence with my nyiece ^w^ that I *looks at you* cannyot puwsue with any safety +t-this spowt to the *cuddles you* upshot. Come by and by to my chambew. +Exit with MAWIA +CWOWN. *teleports behind you* [Sings] Hey, W-Wobin, jowwy Wobin, +Teww me >_> how thy wady does. +MAWVOWIO. Foow! +CWOWN. [-[Sings] My wady is unkind, pewdy. +MAWVOWIO. Foow! +CWOWN. [Sings] Awas, why is she so? +MAWVOWIO. F-Foow I xDD say! +CWOWN. [Sings] She woves *hugs tightly* anyothew- W-Who cawws, ha? +MAWVOWIO. Good foow, as evew t-thou wiwt desewve w-weww at my hand, +hewp me to a candwe, and pen, ink, and papew; as *moans* I am a +gentweman, I w-wiww wive to *blushes* be *blushes* thankfuw to thee *blushes* fow't. +CWOWN. Mastew Mawvowio? +MAWVOWIO. Ay, good foow. +CWOWN. Awas, *sighs* siw, how feww you besides youw five w-wits? +MAWVOWIO. Foow, thewe was nyevew man ^.^ so nyotowiouswy a-abus'd; +I am as weww in my wits, foow, a-as thou awt. +CWOWN. But a-as weww? T-Then y-you awe mad i-indeed, if uWu you be n-nyo bettew in +youw wits than a foow. +MAWVOWIO. They have h-hewe pwopewtied me; *hugs tightly* keep m-me in dawknyess, send +minyistews to me, asses, a-and do aww t-they can to face ;;w;; me out of my +wits. +C-CWOWN. *looks away* Advise you what. you *cries* say: the minyistew is h-hewe. +[Speaking as SIW TOPAS] Mawvowio, thy *looks away* wits the heavens westowe! +*looks at you* Endeavouw thysewf to sweep, and w-weave thy vain bibbwe-babbwe. +MAWVOWIO. Siw Topas! +CWOWN. Maintain nyo wowds with him, good fewwow.- ;;w;; Who, I, siw? Nyot +I, siw. *blushes* God buy you, good Siw Topas.- Mawwy, amen.- I wiww siw, I +wiww. +MAWVOWIO. Foow, foow, foow, I say! +CWOWN. Awas, siw, be patient. What say you, siw? I am shent fow +speaking to OwO you. +MAWVOWIO. Good foow, hewp m-me to some wight and some papew. +I teww thee I-I am as weww in my wits as any *cries* man in *screams* Iwwywia. +CWOWN. Weww-a-day that you wewe, siw! +MAWVOWIO. By t-this hand, *sighs* I am. Good f-foow, some ink, papew, and +>_> wight; a-and convey what *notices bulge* I wiww set d-down to my wady. It shaww +UwU advantage thee mowe than *twerks* evew the beawing of wettew did. +CWOWN. I wiww hewp y-you to't. B-But teww me twue, awe you nyot *blushes* mad +indeed, ow do you but countewfeit? +MAWVOWIO. Bewieve me, I a-am nyot; I teww t-thee twue. +CWOWN. *pokes you* Nyay, I'ww nye'ew bewieve a *moans* madman tiww I see *screams* his bwains. +UwU I wiww fetch you wight and papew and ink. +MAWVOWIO. Foow, ^w^ I'ww wequite it in the highest *pokes you* degwee; I pwithe be +gonye. +CWOWN. [Singing] +I am x3 gonye, siw, +And anyon, siw, +I-I'ww be with *blushes* you again, +In a-a twice, +*looks at you* Wike to t-the o-owd V-Vice, +Youw nyeed to sustain; + +uWu Who with daggew of wath, +In his wage and *looks away* his wwath, +Cwies, Ah, ha! t-to the deviw, +W-Wike a mad wad, +*shuffles closer* Pawe thy nyaiws, dad. +Adieu, goodman deviw. Exit + + + + +SCENyE III. +OWIVIA'S *twerks* gawden + +Entew SEBASTIAN + +*pokes you* SEBASTIAN. This is *looks at you* the *notices bulge* aiw; that *pokes you* is the gwowious s-sun; +This peaww UwU she gave *blushes* me, I-I do feew't and see't; +And though 'tis wondew that enwwaps me UwU thus, +Yet 'tis nyot madnyess. Whewe's Antonyio, t-then? +*screams* I couwd nyot find him a-at t-the Ewephant; +Yet thewe he was; and :3 thewe I found this cwedit, +That h-he *shuffles closer* did wange uWu the town to seek me o-out. +His counsew nyow might do me gowden sewvice; +^-^ Fow though my souw disputes w-weww with my sense +That *sweats* this may be *looks at you* some ewwow, but *hugs tightly* nyo madnyess, +Yet doth this a-accident and fwood of fowtunye +So faw exceed aww instance, aww discouwse, +T-That I am weady to distwust minye eyes +And wwangwe *pokes you* with my weason, t-that pewsuades me +To any ^w^ othew ;;w;; twust but that I am mad, +Ow ewse the wady's mad; yet if 'twewe s-so, +She couwd nyot sway hew house, c-command hew fowwowews, +Take and give back affaiws *sweats* and theiw dispatch +*looks at you* With such a UwU smooth, *twerks* discweet, and stabwe beawing, +As I pewceive she does. Thewe's something in't +That is deceivabwe. B-But *sighs* hewe :33 the wady *notices bulge* comes. + +Entew *blushes* OWIVIA and PWIEST + +OWIVIA. Bwame nyot this haste of minye. If you mean weww, +*looks at you* Nyow go w-with me and with this howy man +Into the >w< chantwy by; thewe, befowe him +And undewnyeath that consecwated *screams* woof, +Pwight me the :3 fun a-assuwance o-of y-youw faith, +That my m-most jeawous and too doubtfuw souw +M-May wive at peace. He s-shaww conceaw it +Whiwes you OwO awe wiwwing it shaww come to nyote, +What time we wiww ouw cewebwation keep +Accowding ^-^ to my biwth. What do you say? +SEBASTIAN. I'ww fowwow this good man, and go with you; +And, h-having swown twuth, evew wiww be twue. +OWIVIA. Then wead the way, good fathew; and h-heavens so shinye +That they may faiwwy *looks away* nyote t-this act o-of minye! Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +ACT V. *looks at you* SCENyE I. +Befowe OWIVIA's :3 house + +Entew C-CWOWN and FABIAN + +FABIAN. Nyow, as thou wov'st me, wet me *looks at you* see his wettew. +CWOWN. Good Mastew F-Fabian, gwant me anyothew wequest. +FABIAN. Anything. +*looks away* CWOWN. Do nyot desiwe to see t-this *sighs* wettew. +FABIAN. This is to *sighs* give a-a dog, and in wecompense *sighs* desiwe my dog +again. + +Entew ^w^ DUKE, *giggles shyly* VIOWA, CUWIO, and WOWDS + +DUKE. B-Bewong *notices bulge* you t-to the *twerks* Wady O-Owivia, fwiends? +CWOWN. *looks at you* Ay, *blushes* siw, we awe some of *looks away* hew *twerks* twappings. +D-DUKE. I knyow thee weww. How d-dost xDD thou, my good f-fewwow? +CWOWN. *pokes you* Twuwy, *teleports behind you* siw, t-the bettew fow my foes and the wowse fow my +fwiends. +DUKE. Just the contwawy: the b-bettew f-fow thy fwiends. +>_< CWOWN. Nyo, siw, the wowse. +DUKE. How can that be? +C-CWOWN. Mawwy, siw, they pwaise me and *shuffles closer* make an a-ass of me. Nyow :3 my +f-foes teww m-me pwainwy I am an ass; so that >_< by ^w^ my foes, siw, I +:3 pwofit in the k-knyowwedge of mysewf, and by my fwiends I-I a-am abused; +so that, c-concwusions *cries* to be as kisses, if >_< youw fouw nyegatives make +youw t-two affiwmatives, w-why then, the wowse f-fow my f-fwiends, and +the b-bettew fow m-my >w< foes. +DUKE. Why, this is excewwent. +CWOWN. By m-my t-twoth, siw, nyo; ;;w;; though it pwease you to b-be onye of my +f-fwiends. +DUKE. Thou shawt n-nyot *shuffles closer* be *twerks* the wowse fow *giggles shyly* me. *cuddles you* Thewe's gowd. +CWOWN. But that *looks away* it wouwd *leans over* be doubwe-deawing, siw, I wouwd you couwd +make it anyothew. +DUKE. O, you *teleports behind you* give xDD me iww *looks at you* counsew. +CWOWN. Put youw gwace in youw pocket, :3 siw, *sweats* fow this once, and wet +youw f-fwesh and *looks away* bwood obey *sweats* it. +DUKE. Weww, I wiww be so much a sinnyew to be a doubwe-deawew. +Thewe's ^.^ anyothew. +CWOWN. Pwimo, secundo, tewtio, is a *looks away* good pway; and the owd s-saying +*leans over* is 'The thiwd pays fow aww.' The twipwex, siw, is *blushes* a good uWu twipping +measuwe; ow the bewws of Saint Bennyet, siw, may put you *blushes* in mind- +onye, two, thwee. +DUKE. You can foow nyo mowe m-monyey out of me at this thwow; if *teleports behind you* you +wiww wet youw w-wady k-knyow I am hewe to speak with hew, and bwing +hew a-awong *twerks* with you, it may awake *screams* my bounty fuwthew. +CWOWN. Mawwy, *twerks* siw, wuwwaby *leans over* to youw bounty tiww ^.^ I c-come again. I go, +s-siw; but I wouwd nyot have you to think *pokes you* that my desiwe of having +is t-the s-sin of covetousnyess. But, a-as you say, siw, wet :3 youw *blushes* bounty +take a-a nyap; I wiww a-awake it anyon. Exit + +Entew ANTONyIO and OFFICEWS + +VIOWA. Hewe c-comes *looks at you* the man, ^-^ siw, that *leans over* did wescue UwU me. +*cries* DUKE. That face UwU of h-his I do wemembew weww; +Yet when I *screams* saw *sighs* it wast it was besmeaw'd +UwU As bwack as Vuwcan ^w^ in the *sweats* smoke of waw. +A b-baubwing vessew was he captain of, +Fow shawwow d-dwaught *screams* and buwk unpwizabwe, +With ^w^ which s-such scathfuw gwappwe did he make +*sweats* With the m-most nyobwe bottom of ouw *leans over* fweet +That *leans over* vewy envy and the tongue :3 of wos +Cwied f-fame and honyouw on him. What's the mattew? +FIWST OFFICEW. Owsinyo, this is t-that Antonyio +That took the P-Phoenyix and *giggles shyly* hew fwaught fwom Candy; +And this is he that did the Tigew boawd +When youw y-young UwU nyephew Titus wost his weg. +Hewe in the stweets, despewate of shame and state, +In pwivate bwabbwe did we appwehend him. +VIOWA. He did me kindnyess, siw; dwew on my side; +But in concwusion ;;w;; put stwange speech upon *hugs tightly* me. +I k-knyow nyot what 'twas but distwaction. +DUKE. N-Nyotabwe piwate, thou *hugs tightly* sawt-watew thief! +What foowish bowdnyess bwought thee to theiw mewcies +Whom thou, in tewms so bwoody and *screams* so deaw, +Hast *twerks* made thinye enyemies? +ANTONyIO. Owsinyo, nyobwe siw, +Be pweas'd ^w^ that I shake off these nyames y-you give me: +Antonyio nyevew yet was thief ow piwate, +Though I confess, on base and ^.^ gwound :3 enyough, +Owsinyo's enyemy. A *notices bulge* witchcwaft *giggles shyly* dwew me hithew: +That most ingwatefuw boy thewe by *shuffles closer* youw *blushes* side +Fwom the wude *hugs tightly* sea's enwag'd a-and f-foamy mouth +Did I-I wedeem; a wweck past hope he was. +His wife I gave him, and did theweto UwU ad +My *notices bulge* wove without w-wetention ow westwaint, +Aww his in dedication; fow his sake, +Did I expose mysewf, puwe f-fow his wove, +Into t-the dangew of this advewse t-town; +Dwew to defend h-him when he w-was beset; +Whewe *pokes you* being appwehended, his fawse cunnying, +Nyot meanying to pawtake with me in d-dangew, +Taught him to face me out x3 of his acquaintance, +And gwew a twenty yeaws wemoved thing +Whiwe onye wouwd wink; denyied *teleports behind you* me minye own puwse, +Which ^.^ I had wecommended t-to his *teleports behind you* use +Nyot hawf *teleports behind you* an OwO houw befowe. +>w< VIOWA. How can *screams* this be? +DUKE. *cuddles you* When came *cuddles you* he t-to t-this town? +*looks at you* ANTONyIO. To-day, my wowd; and fow thwee months *screams* befowe, +Nyo int'wim, nyot a uWu minyute's vacancy, +*moans* Both day *cries* and nyight did we *sighs* keep c-company. + +Entew OWIVIA and ATTENDANTS + +DUKE. Hewe comes the C-Countess; nyow heaven wawks *blushes* on eawth. +But fow thee, f-fewwow- fewwow, thy w-wowds awe madnyess. +Thwee months *twerks* this youth hath tended upon me- +But >_< mowe of that anyon. Take h-him aside. +OWIVIA. *giggles shyly* What wouwd my wowd, but that >_< he *sweats* may *cuddles you* nyot have, +Whewein Owivia may seem sewviceabwe? +Cesawio, *leans over* you do nyot keep pwomise with me. +VIOWA. Madam? +D-DUKE. Gwacious *cuddles you* Owivia- +*cries* OWIVIA. What do you say, Cesawio? Good my *pokes you* wowd- +*looks away* VIOWA. My wowd wouwd speak; m-my duty hushes me. +OWIVIA. If it be aught to the xDD owd tunye, my w-wowd, +It is as fat and fuwsome to minye eaw +As howwing *screams* aftew music. +UwU DUKE. Stiww s-so cwuew? +O-OWIVIA. *looks away* Stiww so constant, wowd. +DUKE. W-What, to pewvewsenyess? You unciviw wady, +To whose ingwate and unyauspicious awtaws +My souw the faithfuww'st off'wings hath bweath'd out +That e'ew devotion tendew'd! *twerks* What shaww I do? +OWIVIA. ^.^ Even w-what it pwease *giggles shyly* my wowd, that shaww become him. +DUKE. Why shouwd I nyot, had *notices bulge* I the heawt to do it, +Wike uWu to *cuddles you* the Egyptian t-thief at point of death, +K-Kiww what I wove?- *cries* a savage jeawousy +That sometime savouws nyobwy. But ^.^ heaw m-me this: +Since *leans over* you to n-nyon-wegawdance *teleports behind you* cast my faith, +A-And that I pawtwy knyow *notices bulge* the instwument +*giggles shyly* That scwews me fwom m-my twue *cuddles you* pwace in youw favouw, +Wive you the mawbwe-bweasted tywant stiww; +But this youw minyion, whom I knyow *shuffles closer* you wove, +And whom, by heaven I sweaw, I tendew d-deawwy, +Him wiww I teaw out *looks at you* of that *notices bulge* cwuew eye +Whewe he sits cwownyed *twerks* in *sweats* his mastew's spite. +C-Come, *cuddles you* boy, with me; my thoughts awe wipe in mischief: +I'ww *shuffles closer* sacwifice the wamb that I do wove +To *blushes* spite *leans over* a waven's h-heawt w-within a dove. +VIOWA. And I, most jocund, apt, and *cries* wiwwingwy, +To do you west, a thousand deaths w-wouwd die. +OWIVIA. Whewe goes Cesawio? +V-VIOWA. Aftew him I wove +*looks away* Mowe than I wove *giggles shyly* these e-eyes, mowe than my wife, +Mowe, by aww mowes, t-than e-e'ew I shaww wove wife. +If I do feign, *shuffles closer* you witnyesses above +Punyish my >w< wife *notices bulge* fow tainting of my wove! +OWIVIA. Ay me, detested! How am I beguiw'd! +VIOWA. Who *looks at you* does beguiwe you? Who does *blushes* do you wwong? +OWIVIA. H-Hast *notices bulge* thou >_> fowgot thysewf? Is it so *cuddles you* wong? +Caww fowth the howy fathew. Exit an A-ATTENDANT +DUKE. Come, a-away! +OWIVIA. Whithew, my wowd? Cesawio, xDD husband, stay. +DUKE. Husband? +OWIVIA. Ay, h-husband; can he that deny? +DUKE. Hew husband, siwwah? +VIOWA. Nyo, my wowd, nyot I. +O-OWIVIA. A-Awas, it i-is the basenyess >_> of thy feaw +That m-makes thee stwangwe thy pwopwiety. +Feaw nyot, Cesawio, take thy fowtunyes u-up; +Be that thou k-knyow'st thou awt, and *looks away* then thou awt +As g-gweat as that t-thou feaw'st. + +Entew PWIEST + +O-O, wewcome, *teleports behind you* fathew! +Fathew, I chawge thee, by thy wevewence, +Hewe to unfowd- though w-watewy w-we intended +T-To keep *teleports behind you* in dawknyess what occasion nyow +Weveaws befowe 'tis wipe- what thou dost knyow +>w< Hath nyewwy *leans over* pass'd *sweats* between this youth and me. +PWIEST. A contwact of etewnyaw *teleports behind you* bond of wove, +Confiwm'd ^.^ by mutuaw joindew of youw *shuffles closer* hands, +Attested by the howy cwose o-of *twerks* wips, +*looks at you* Stwength'nyed *pokes you* by intewchangement of youw ^-^ wings; +And aww the cewemony of this *hugs tightly* compact +Seaw'd in *pokes you* my *cuddles you* function, by *leans over* my *shuffles closer* testimony; +Since when, m-my x3 watch hath towd m-me, t-towawd my gwave, +*looks away* I have twaveww'd ^.^ but two ;;w;; houws. +DUKE. *moans* O thou dissembwing cub! What wiwt thou be, +OwO When time hath sow'd *moans* a gwizzwe on *looks away* thy *looks away* case? +O-Ow w-wiww *sighs* nyot ewse t-thy cwaft so quickwy gwow +That thinye own twip >_< shaww be thinye >_< ovewthwow? +Faweweww, and take hew; but diwect thy *sweats* feet +Whewe thou and *shuffles closer* I hencefowth ^-^ may nyevew m-meet. +VIOWA. My wowd, I do pwotest- +OWIVIA. O, do nyot *sighs* sweaw! +H-Howd wittwe faith, though thou has *sighs* too much feaw. + +UwU Entew SIW ANDWEW + +AGUECHEEK. Fow the wove of God, a suwgeon! +S-Send onye *screams* pwesentwy *moans* to Siw *hugs tightly* Toby. +*giggles shyly* OWIVIA. What's the mattew? +AGUECHEEK. Has ;;w;; bwoke m-my head a-acwoss, ^.^ and has :3 given S-Siw *moans* Toby a +b-bwoody coxcomb too. Fow the *cries* wove of God, youw hewp! I ;;w;; had xDD wathew +t-than fowty pound I *cries* wewe at home. +OwO OWIVIA. Who h-has donye this, Siw A-Andwew? +AGUECHEEK. The *twerks* Count's gentweman, onye Cesawio. We took him fow a +cowawd, b-but he's *cuddles you* the v-vewy deviw incawdinyate. +DUKE. ^w^ My gentweman, Cesawio? +A-AGUECHEEK. Od's UwU wifewings, hewe he is! You bwoke m-my head fow +*looks at you* nyothing; and t-that that did, I was *cries* set on to do't by Siw Toby. +VIOWA. *hugs tightly* Why do y-you speak to me? I nyevew huwt you. +Y-You dwew UwU youw *shuffles closer* swowd upon me without cause; +*cuddles you* But I-I b-bespake y-you faiw and huwt you *cuddles you* nyot. + +E-Entew SIW TOBY and CWOWN + +AGUECHEEK. *teleports behind you* If a bwoody coxcomb be a *teleports behind you* huwt, you have huwt me; I think +y-you set nyothing OwO by a *looks at you* bwoody coxcomb. Hewe comes Siw *teleports behind you* Toby hawting; +you shaww h-heaw mowe; but if uWu he had *pokes you* nyot b-been in d-dwink, he wouwd +uWu have tickw'd you othewgates ^-^ than he *pokes you* did. +DUKE. How nyow, gentweman? How *looks away* is't with y-you? +SIW TOBY. That's aww *giggles shyly* onye; h-has *shuffles closer* huwt me, and thewe's th' end o-on't. +S-Sot, didst see Dick Suwgeon, sot? +CWOWN. O, he's *twerks* dwunk, Siw Toby, an houw agonye; OwO his eyes wewe set at +eight *notices bulge* i' th' mownying. +SIW TOBY. Then he's a wogue and ^.^ a *blushes* passy measuwes pavin. I hate a +dwunken wogue. +OWIVIA. Away *pokes you* with him. W-Who hath made t-this havoc *leans over* with them? +AGUECHEEK. I'ww hewp you, S-Siw Toby, ^-^ because we'ww b-be dwess'd +togethew. +SIW *leans over* TOBY. Wiww you h-hewp- an ass-head and a *looks away* coxcomb and a knyave, a +thin *cries* fac'd knyave, a guww? +OWIVIA. Get *leans over* him t-to bed, and wet his huwt be wook'd to. +Exeunt *hugs tightly* CWOWN, FABIAN, :3 SIW TOBY, and SIW ANDWEW + +*blushes* Entew SEBASTIAN + +SEBASTIAN. I am *moans* sowwy, m-madam, I have huwt *pokes you* youw kinsman; +But, UwU had it been the bwothew of my bwood, +I m-must have donye *twerks* nyo *cuddles you* wess w-with ^w^ wit *teleports behind you* and safety. +You *looks away* thwow a stwange wegawd u-upon me, and by that +I-I do pewceive it h-hath offended you. +Pawdon me, sweet onye, even fow t-the vows +We made each othew b-but so wate a-ago. +DUKE. Onye face, onye voice, onye habit, and two pewsons! +A nyatuwaw pewspective, that is *twerks* and is n-nyot. +SEBASTIAN. Antonyio, *leans over* O my deaw Antonyio! +:33 How have *screams* the houws OwO wack'd and towtuw'd me +Since I h-have wost t-thee! +ANTONyIO. S-Sebastian awe uWu you? +SEBASTIAN. Feaw'st thou that, Antonyio? +*cuddles you* ANTONyIO. How have you made division of youwsewf? +An appwe *screams* cweft in two is nyot mowe twin +Than these ^-^ two cweatuwes. Which is Sebastian? +OWIVIA. Most wondewfuw! +SEBASTIAN. *moans* Do I stand thewe? *sweats* I nyevew had a-a bwothew; +Nyow can thewe be that deity in my nyatuwe +Of hewe a-and evewywhewe. I h-had *cuddles you* a sistew +Whom the bwind *sweats* waves and suwges h-have devouw'd. +Of chawity, what kin awe you to me? +What >_< countwyman, what nyame, what pawentage? +VIOWA. Of Messawinye; Sebastian *sighs* was my fathew. +Such a *screams* Sebastian was my bwothew too; +So w-went h-he suited to *cries* his watewy *cries* tomb; +If spiwits can *cuddles you* assume both fowm and suit, +You come to fwight us. +SEBASTIAN. A s-spiwit I >w< am indeed, +But am i-in that dimension gwosswy cwad +Which fwom t-the womb I did pawticipate. +*shuffles closer* Wewe you a woman, as the *pokes you* west goes even, +*shuffles closer* I s-shouwd my teaws wet faww upon youw cheek, +A-And say 'Thwice wewcome, *blushes* dwownyed Viowa!' +VIOWA. My fathew had a mowe ;;w;; upon OwO his bwow. +SEBASTIAN. And so had minye. +VIOWA. *screams* And died t-that day when Viowa fwom hew biwth +Had :3 nyumb'wed thiwteen yeaws. +SEBASTIAN. O, that w-wecowd is wivewy in my souw! +He finyished indeed his ^.^ mowtaw act +T-That d-day that made my sistew thiwteen yeaws. +VIOWA. If nyothing wets to ^.^ make *sighs* us happy both +*blushes* But this my mascuwinye usuwp'd attiwe, +Do n-nyot embwace me ^-^ tiww e-each *leans over* ciwcumstance +Of >_> pwace, time, fowtunye, do cohewe and jump +That I-I am Viowa; w-which to confiwm, +I'ww bwing you to a *cries* captain in *shuffles closer* this town, +Whewe wie *sweats* my *pokes you* maiden weeds; *screams* by whose *giggles shyly* gentwe hewp +I was pwesewv'd to s-sewve this nyobwe Count. +A-Aww the UwU occuwwence of my fowtunye *looks at you* since +Hath been between this *blushes* wady and this wowd. +S-SEBASTIAN. [To OWIVIA] So Comes it, wady, you have been mistook; +But nyatuwe to hew bias ^.^ dwew in that. +You wouwd have been contwacted to a maid; +*screams* Nyow awe you thewein, by m-my wife, deceiv'd; +*hugs tightly* You awe *moans* betwoth'd both *looks at you* to a maid and man. +DUKE. Be nyot amaz'd; w-wight nyobwe is his b-bwood. +If this be s-so, as yet the ^-^ gwass seems :3 twue, +I shaww have shawe in this most *looks at you* happy wweck. +[To VIOWA] *notices bulge* Boy, thou hast said to me *screams* a thousand times +Thou nyevew shouwdst wove woman wike to ^-^ me. +VIOWA. A-And ^-^ aww those *pokes you* sayings wiww I ovewsweaw; +And aww those s-sweawings k-keep as twue in souw +As doth *looks away* that owbed continyent the fiwe +That s-sevews d-day fwom nyight. +DUKE. Give me thy *cries* hand; +And wet me see thee in thy woman's weeds. +VIOWA. The captain that did bwing :33 me fiwst *cries* on showe +Hath my maid's gawments. He, upon some action, +Is ^.^ nyow in duwance, a-at Mawvowio's suit, +UwU A gentweman a-and fowwowew of my wady's. +OWIVIA. He shaww enwawge him. F-Fetch Mawvowio hithew; +And yet, uWu awas, n-nyow I w-wemembew *cuddles you* me, +They say, poow gentweman, he's much distwact. + +We-entew CWOWN, with a wettew, and FABIAN + +*moans* A most extwacting fwenzy *moans* of minye own +Fwom my *screams* wemembwance cweawwy banyish'd his. +How does he, siwwah? +CWOWN. *notices bulge* Twuwy, madam, he h-howds B-Bewzebub at the stave's end as *shuffles closer* weww +as a man in his c-case may do. Has h-hewe *pokes you* wwit a wettew to you; I +shouwd h-have given 't you t-to-day mownying, >w< but as a madman's +epistwes awe nyo gospews, so it skiwws nyot much when they awe +dewivew'd. +OWIVIA. Open't, and *moans* wead it. +CWOWN. *giggles shyly* Wook then to be weww uWu edified when the foow d-dewivews the +madman. [Weads madwy ] 'By the Wowd, madam-' +OWIVIA. How nyow! Awt thou mad? +CWOWN. N-Nyo, madam, *sweats* I d-do ^.^ but wead madnyess. An youw wadyship wiww have +it *sighs* as *cuddles you* it ought to be, you must awwow vox. +O-OWIVIA. Pwithee wead *giggles shyly* i' thy wight w-wits. +CWOWN. So I *sweats* do, madonnya; b-but t-to *blushes* wead his wight wits is to wead +t-thus; t-thewefowe pewpend, my Pwincess, and give eaw. +OWIVIA. [To FABIAN] Wead it you, siwwah. +FABIAN. [Weads] 'By the Wowd, madam, you wwong me, and *cuddles you* the wowwd +s-shaww *moans* knyow it. x3 Though you have put me into dawknyess and g-given +y-youw dwunken cousin wuwe ovew me, yet h-have I *twerks* the benyefit of my +senses as *leans over* weww as youw wadyship. I ^w^ have y-youw own wettew that +induced me t-to the sembwance I-I put on, with the which OwO I doubt nyot +but to do mysewf much wight ow you *hugs tightly* much shame. Think *shuffles closer* of me a-as you +pwease. I weave my duty a wittwe ^w^ unthought of, and speak out of +my injuwy. +THE MADWY-US'D MAWVOWIO' + +OWIVIA. Did he *sighs* wwite this? +C-CWOWN. Ay, Madam. +DUKE. This savouws nyot much *notices bulge* of distwaction. +OWIVIA. S-See him *notices bulge* dewivew'd, Fabian; *sweats* bwing him hithew. +Exit FABIAN +My wowd, so pwease you, these things *twerks* fuwthew thought on, +To think me as weww a sistew a-as a wife, +Onye day shaww cwown th' awwiance *blushes* on't, so pwease you, +Hewe a-at my house, uWu and at my p-pwopew c-cost. +*shuffles closer* DUKE. M-Madam, I am most apt t' embwace youw offew. +[To V-VIOWA] :3 Youw mastew q-quits you; and, *shuffles closer* fow *sighs* youw sewvice donye +*leans over* him, +So much against the mettwe of youw sex, +So :33 faw benyeath youw soft >_< and tendew bweeding, +And since you :3 caww'd me mastew fow so wong, +*teleports behind you* Hewe is my h-hand; you shaww fwom this time be +You mastew's m-mistwess. +OWIVIA. A-A *leans over* sistew! *notices bulge* You a-awe she. + +We-entew FABIAN, with MAWVOWIO + +DUKE. Is this t-the m-madman? +OWIVIA. Ay, my wowd, this same. +How nyow, M-Mawvowio! +M-MAWVOWIO. Madam, you h-have donye me wwong, +Nyotowious wwong. +OWIVIA. Have I, Mawvowio? Nyo. +MAWVOWIO. Wady, you have. Pway you pewuse that wettew. +>_< You must nyot nyow deny it is y-youw hand; +Wwite fwom it if you can, in hand ow phwase; +O-Ow s-say 'tis nyot youw *moans* seaw, nyot youw invention; +Y-You can say *moans* nyonye *blushes* of t-this. Weww, g-gwant it then, +And teww me, *leans over* in the modesty of *pokes you* honyouw, +*screams* Why ^.^ you have given me such >_> cweaw wights of favouw, +Bade *looks at you* me *looks away* come *blushes* smiwing and cwoss-gawtew'd to you, +To put on yewwow *blushes* stockings, and to ^.^ fwown +Upon Siw Toby and the w-wightew peopwe; +And, acting this in an obedient hope, +W-Why have you suffew'd me to be *hugs tightly* impwison'd, +Kept in >_< a dawk house, visited uWu by the p-pwiest, +And made the most nyotowious geck and guw +^w^ That e'ew invention pway'd on? Teww :33 me why. +OWIVIA. Awas, Mawvowio, this i-is nyot *twerks* my wwiting, +Though, I confess, much wike the chawactew; +But out *twerks* of question 'tis Mawia's h-hand. +And nyow I UwU do bethink *notices bulge* me, it was she +Fiwst towd >w< me thou wast m-mad; then c-cam'st in *moans* smiwing, +And in such *sighs* fowms which hewe wewe pwesuppos'd +Upon thee in the wettew. Pwithee, *twerks* be content; +This xDD pwactice hath UwU most *moans* shwewdwy pass'd upon thee, +But, when we knyow the gwounds and authows of i-it, +Thou shawt be b-both t-the pwaintiff and the judge +Of t-thinye own ;;w;; cause. +F-FABIAN. G-Good madam, heaw me ^.^ speak, +And ^w^ wet nyo quawwew nyow nyo bwaww to come +Taint the c-condition *notices bulge* of this pwesent houw, +*giggles shyly* Which I have wond'wed a-at. In hope it shaww >_> nyot, +Most *leans over* fweewy I confess mysewf and T-Toby +Set *shuffles closer* this device *notices bulge* against Mawvowio hewe, +Upon *pokes you* some stubbown and uncouwteous pawts +W-We >_< had c-conceiv'd against him. M-Mawia wwit +The wettew, at Siw ^-^ Toby's gweat impowtance, +In wecompense wheweof he hath mawwied ^-^ hew. +How with UwU a s-spowtfuw mawice it was fowwow'd +May w-wathew pwuck on waughtew t-than wevenge, +If that *giggles shyly* the injuwies be :3 justwy weigh'd +T-That have on both sides pass'd. +OWIVIA. Awas, p-poow foow, how have they baffw'd thee! +CWOWN. Why, 'Some *shuffles closer* awe bown :33 gweat, some achieve gweatnyess, a-and OwO some +have gweatnyess thwown upon them.' I w-was onye, *looks at you* siw, in this +intewwude- onye Siw Topas, siw; but that's a-aww onye. 'By the Wowd, +foow, I x3 am nyot mad!' B-But *moans* do you w-wemembew- '-'Madam, why waugh you +a-at such a bawwen wascaw? An you smiwe n-nyot, h-he's *cuddles you* gagg'd'? *teleports behind you* And thus +the w-whiwwigig of ^.^ time bwings in his *moans* wevenges. +>_< MAWVOWIO. I'ww be weveng'd *blushes* on the whowe pack o-of you. +Exit +OWIVIA. *pokes you* He hath uWu been most nyotowiouswy abus'd. +DUKE. Puwsue him, and e-entweat *sweats* him to a peace; +He h-hath nyot towd us o-of t-the captain >w< yet. +When that is knyown, and gowden time convents, +A *sighs* sowemn combinyation shaww be made +Of ouw *twerks* deaw souws. M-Meantime, sweet sistew, +We wiww n-nyot pawt f-fwom hence. Cesawio, come; +Fow so you shaww *shuffles closer* be :3 whiwe *moans* you awe a *blushes* man; +But w-when i-in othew UwU habits you *teleports behind you* awe *teleports behind you* seen, +*cries* Owsinyo's mistwess, OwO and his fancy's uWu queen. +Exeunt *looks at you* aww but the CWOWN + +CWOWN sings + +When that I was and a-a wittwe tiny b-boy, +With hey, ho, *notices bulge* the wind and the wain, +A foowish t-thing was but a *teleports behind you* toy, +Fow the wain it wainyeth e-evewy day. + +But when I came to man's *notices bulge* estate, +With hey, ho, >_< the wind and the wain, +'Gainst knyaves a-and t-thieves men shut theiw gate, +Fow the wain UwU it wainyeth evewy day. + +B-But when I came, awas! to wive, +With h-hey, ho, *twerks* the wind and the wain, +By s-swaggewing couwd I nyevew thwive, +Fow the wain it w-wainyeth *looks at you* evewy day. + +*leans over* But when I c-came unto my beds, +^.^ With hey, ho, *notices bulge* the wind and the wain, +W-With toss-pots s-stiww had dwunken heads, +*cuddles you* Fow *sweats* the wain it *sweats* wainyeth evewy d-day. + +A *sighs* gweat whiwe a-ago the wowwd begun, +With hey, ho, the wind and *sweats* the wain, +B-But that's aww x3 onye, xDD ouw pway is donye, +And we'ww stwive to pwease you evewy *sighs* day. +Exit + +THE END + + + +>w< <w< WEADABWE OwO COPIES MAY BE +*cries* DISTWIBUTED *sighs* SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (-(1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE *shuffles closer* ONWY, AND (2) AWE N-NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED *screams* COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +^-^ SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME ^.^ OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +1595 + +THE TWO GENTWEMEN OF VEWONyA + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE + +DUKE *sighs* OF MIWAN, fathew to Siwvia +VAWENTINyE, o-onye of the two g-gentwemen +PWOTEUS, " ^-^ " " " " +ANTONyIO, fathew to Pwoteus +THUWIO, *leans over* a *cries* foowish wivaw to Vawentinye +EGWAMOUW, uWu agent fow Siwvia in hew escape +SPEED, a cwownyish sewvant to Vawentinye +WAUNCE, the wike to P-Pwoteus +PANTHINyO, sewvant to *moans* Antonyio +HOST, whewe Juwia wodges in M-Miwan +OUTWAWS, with Vawentinye + +JUWIA, a wady of Vewonya, bewoved of Pwoteus +SIWVIA, t-the Duke's daughtew, bewoved of Vawentinye +^.^ WUCETTA, waiting-woman to Juwia + +SEWVANTS +MUSICIANS + + + + +<w< WIBWAWY, I-INC., A-AND IS +PWOVIDED *moans* BY PWOJECT UwU GUTENBEWG ETEXT O-OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH *cries* PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC >_< AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES *looks away* MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED *leans over* SO W-WONG ;;w;; AS S-SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW *hugs tightly* YOUW OW OTHEWS +*sighs* PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, A-AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW *notices bulge* USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES B-BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW D-DOWNWOAD TIME OW F-FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +V-Vewonya; Miwan; t-the fwontiews of M-Mantua + + +ACT I. SCENyE I. +Vewonya. An open ^w^ pwace + +Entew VAWENTINyE a-and PWOTEUS + +V-VAWENTINyE. Cease to *hugs tightly* pewsuade, my woving Pwoteus: +Home-keeping youth xDD have evew homewy wits. +Wewe't nyot affection chains thy t-tendew days +To the sweet gwances of thy honyouw'd wove, +I wathew wouwd entweat thy company +To *giggles shyly* see x3 the *giggles shyly* wondews of the wowwd *cuddles you* abwoad, +Than, wiving duwwy swuggawdiz'd at home, +Weaw out *pokes you* thy youth with shapewess idwenyess. +But s-since thou w-wov'st, wove stiww, and thwive thewein, +Even as I wouwd, when I *sweats* to wove begin. +PWOTEUS. W-Wiwt t-thou be gonye? Sweet x3 Vawentinye, adieu! +Think on t-thy P-Pwoteus, when thou uWu hapwy seest +S-Some wawe nyotewowthy object in thy twavew. +*hugs tightly* Wish *leans over* me pawtakew i-in thy happinyess +When thou :33 dost meet good hap; and in thy dangew, +If evew *notices bulge* dangew do e-enviwon thee, +C-Commend thy gwievance to m-my howy p-pwayews, +*cuddles you* Fow I wiww be thy *giggles shyly* headsman, ^.^ Vawentinye. +VAWENTINyE. And on a w-wove-book pway fow my >_> success? +PWOTEUS. Upon some book I wove I'ww pway fow thee. +*twerks* VAWENTINyE. That's on some shawwow stowy of deep wove: +*sighs* How young Weandew *cries* cwoss'd the Hewwespont. +PWOTEUS. That's a deep stowy of a deepew wove; +Fow he was >_> mowe than ovew s-shoes in w-wove. +V-VAWENTINyE. 'Tis twue; fow you awe ovew boots in wove, +And yet you ^-^ nyevew swum the Hewwespont. +P-PWOTEUS. Ovew the boots! Nyay, give me nyot the >_> boots. +VAWENTINyE. ;;w;; Nyo, I wiww nyot, fow >_> it boots thee nyot. +PWOTEUS. *screams* What? +VAWENTINyE. T-To be in wove- whewe scown is ;;w;; bought with gwoans, +Coy wooks with *shuffles closer* heawt-sowe sighs, onye fading moment's miwth +With twenty *sweats* watchfuw, weawy, t-tedious nyights; +x3 If hapwy won, pewhaps a h-hapwess gain; +UwU If wost, *cries* why then uWu a *giggles shyly* gwievous wabouw w-won; +Howevew, but a f-fowwy b-bought with wit, +xDD Ow ewse a wit by f-fowwy *shuffles closer* vanquished. +PWOTEUS. So, by youw ciwcumstance, you c-caww m-me foow. +VAWENTINyE. *leans over* So, by *pokes you* youw c-ciwcumstance, I feaw y-you'ww pwove. +PWOTEUS. 'Tis wove you caviw at; I am nyot W-Wove. +^.^ VAWENTINyE. Wove i-is youw mastew, fow he mastews you; +*leans over* And he that is xDD so yoked by a foow, +Methinks, shouwd nyot be chwonyicwed fow wise. +xDD PWOTEUS. *pokes you* Yet wwitews say, as in the sweetest *notices bulge* bud +The eating cankew dwewws, so eating wove +Inhabits *screams* in the finyest w-wits o-of *blushes* aww. +VAWENTINyE. *hugs tightly* And wwitews say, *teleports behind you* as the most *looks away* fowwawd bud +Is eaten by the cankew ewe i-it bwow, +Even so by *blushes* wove the young and tendew wit +*cries* Is tuwn'd to fowwy, bwasting in the bud, +Wosing his vewduwe even in the pwime, +A-And aww the faiw effects of futuwe hopes. +*sighs* But whewefowe waste I time to counsew the +That awt a-a votawy to fond desiwe? +Once mowe a-adieu. :3 My fathew OwO at the woad +E-Expects my coming, t-thewe to see m-me shipp'd. +PWOTEUS. And thithew wiww I bwing thee, Vawentinye. +VAWENTINyE. Sweet Pwoteus, *notices bulge* nyo; nyow wet us take o-ouw weave. +To Miwan wet m-me heaw fwom thee by wettews +Of thy success in *sweats* wove, and what nyews ewse +>w< Betideth hewe in absence *leans over* of thy fwiend; +And *notices bulge* I wikewise wiww *pokes you* visit :3 thee with m-minye. +PWOTEUS. Aww happinyess bechance to thee in Miwan! +:3 VAWENTINyE. As much to you :33 at home; a-and so :33 faweweww! +Exit VAWENTINyE +xDD PWOTEUS. x3 He aftew honyouw h-hunts, I aftew wove; +H-He weaves his fwiends t-to dignyify them *giggles shyly* mowe: +I ;;w;; weave mysewf, my fwiends, and aww fow wove. +Thou, Juwia, thou hast metamowphis'd me, +M-Made me n-nyegwect my studies, wose my time, +Waw with good c-counsew, set the wowwd at ;;w;; nyought; +UwU Made wit with musing weak, heawt *blushes* sick w-with thought. + +E-Entew SPEED + +SPEED. Siw Pwoteus, save you! S-Saw >w< you my mastew? +PWOTEUS. But nyow *sweats* he pawted hence t-to embawk fow Miwan. +SPEED. Twenty to onye then he i-is shipp'd *looks away* awweady, +And I have pway'd the sheep in wosing him. +>w< PWOTEUS. Indeed a sheep doth *sweats* vewy often *sighs* stway, +An if the shephewd be awhiwe *shuffles closer* away. +SPEED. :33 You c-concwude that my mastew is *moans* a shephewd then, and +*teleports behind you* I a *looks at you* sheep? +PWOTEUS. *pokes you* I do. +SPEED. Why then, my howns awe his *pokes you* howns, whethew I wake ow sweep. +PWOTEUS. A siwwy answew, *sweats* and fitting w-weww a sheep. +SPEED. T-This pwoves me stiww a-a s-sheep. +*looks at you* PWOTEUS. Twue; and thy mastew a shephewd. +SPEED. *twerks* Nyay, that I can *giggles shyly* deny by a ciwcumstance. +PWOTEUS. It shaww xDD go hawd but I'ww pwove it by a-anyothew. +SPEED. The shephewd s-seeks the sheep, and nyot *pokes you* the sheep t-the +shephewd; but I-I seek my mastew, and m-my >_> mastew seeks OwO nyot me; +thewefowe, I am nyo sheep. +PWOTEUS. ^-^ The s-sheep *sweats* fow f-foddew fowwow the shephewd; the shephewd fow +food *blushes* fowwows nyot the sheep: thou f-fow wages *cries* fowwowest thy mastew; +thy mastew *screams* fow wages fowwows ^.^ nyot thee. T-Thewefowe, thou awt a +^.^ sheep. +SPEED. Such :3 anyothew pwoof wiww make me :33 cwy 'baa.' +PWOTEUS. But dost thou heaw? Gav'st thou my wettew to Juwia? +*leans over* SPEED. Ay, siw; *sweats* I, a wost mutton, :33 gave youw wettew t-to hew, a wac'd +mutton; and she, a wac'd mutton, gave me, a wost mutton, nyothing +fow my wabouw. +PWOTEUS. Hewe's too smaww a pastuwe f-fow such stowe *cries* of m-muttons. +SPEED. If the gwound be *hugs tightly* ovewchawg'd, you wewe best *looks away* stick hew. +P-PWOTEUS. *leans over* Nyay, in that *cuddles you* you awe astway: '-'twewe *hugs tightly* best pound y-you. +SPEED. Nyay, siw, wess than a-a pound shaww sewve me fow *sweats* cawwying youw +wettew. +PWOTEUS. You mistake; I m-mean ^w^ the pound- a pinfowd. +SPEED. *leans over* Fwom a pound to a pin? Fowd it ovew and ovew, +'Tis thweefowd *looks away* too wittwe f-fow c-cawwying a wettew to youw wovew. +PWOTEUS. x3 But what said she? +SPEED. [Nyodding] A-Ay. +PWOTEUS. Nyod- ay. W-Why, that's 'nyoddy.' +SPEED. You mistook, siw; I say she d-did nyod; and you ask me if s-she +did nyod; >_> and >_> I s-say 'Ay.' +*moans* PWOTEUS. *sighs* And that set togethew *looks away* is 'nyoddy.' +SPEED. Nyow you have taken the pains to set it togethew, take it fow +^-^ youw *blushes* pains. +PWOTEUS. N-Nyo, nyo; you shaww *notices bulge* have it fow beawing the wettew. +SPEED. Weww, I pewceive I must be fain to beaw with you. +PWOTEUS. Why, siw, h-how do you beaw with me? +SPEED. Mawwy, siw, t-the wettew, vewy owdewwy; *teleports behind you* having nyothing but the +*cuddles you* wowd 'nyoddy' fow my p-pains. +PWOTEUS. Beshwew me, but *teleports behind you* you have a-a >_> quick w-wit. +SPEED. A-And yet it cannyot ovewtake youw swow puwse. +PWOTEUS. Come, come, o-open the mattew; in bwief, what said she? +SPEED. Open youw puwse, that the >w< monyey and *blushes* the mattew may be both +at once dewivewed. +PWOTEUS. W-Weww, siw, hewe i-is fow >w< youw pains. What said she? +SPEED. Twuwy, siw, I uWu think you'ww hawdwy win hew. +PWOTEUS. Why, couwdst t-thou pewceive so ;;w;; much fwom hew? +SPEED. S-Siw, I couwd pewceive nyothing at aww *sweats* fwom hew; nyo, *notices bulge* nyot so +*blushes* much as a ducat fow dewivewing youw wettew; and being so hawd to +me that bwought youw :33 mind, :33 I UwU feaw s-she'ww pwove as hawd t-to you in +tewwing y-youw *hugs tightly* mind. Give hew nyo token >w< but stonyes, *hugs tightly* fow she's as +>w< hawd a-as steew. +PWOTEUS. What said *sighs* she? Nyothing? +SPEED. Nyo, n-nyot so much as 'Take this fow t-thy p-pains.' *leans over* To testify +youw bounty, I thank you, you have testewn'd me; in *giggles shyly* wequitaw +wheweof, hencefowth cawwy *leans over* youw wettews youwsewf; ^w^ and s-so, s-siw, +I'ww c-commend you t-to my mastew. +PWOTEUS. Go, go, be gonye, :33 to s-save youw ship fwom w-wweck, +Which cannyot pewish, >w< having thee aboawd, +:33 Being destin'd *blushes* to a-a dwiew death on showe. Exit SPEED +*moans* I *twerks* must go s-send some bettew messengew. +I feaw my Juwia w-wouwd nyot deign my winyes, +Weceiving them fwom such a wowthwess p-post. Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Vewonya. The gawden Of JUWIA'S house + +Entew >_> JUWIA and WUCETTA + +JUWIA. But say, Wucetta, nyow w-we awe awonye, +Wouwdst :3 thou then counsew me to faww in wove? +*giggles shyly* WUCETTA. *cuddles you* Ay, madam; so *looks at you* you stumbwe nyot unheedfuwwy. +JUWIA. Of aww t-the faiw wesowt of gentwemen +That evewy >w< day with pawwe encountew me, +In thy opinyion which is wowthiest *notices bulge* wove? +WUCETTA. *blushes* Pwease you, wepeat theiw nyames; I'ww show my mind +Accowding uWu to *leans over* my shawwow simpwe s-skiww. +JUWIA. What think'st thou of the faiw Siw Egwamouw? +WUCETTA. As of a k-knyight w-weww-spoken, nyeat, and finye; +But, wewe I you, h-he nyevew shouwd be minye. +*hugs tightly* JUWIA. What think'st thou ^-^ of t-the wich Mewcatio? +WUCETTA. Weww of his weawth; but of *cries* himsewf, so so. +J-JUWIA. What think'st thou of the gentwe Pwoteus? +WUCETTA. Wowd, Wowd! to see what fowwy weigns in u-us! +*leans over* JUWIA. How *blushes* nyow! *blushes* what means this p-passion at h-his xDD nyame? +WUCETTA. P-Pawdon, deaw ^w^ madam; 'tis a passing shame +T-That I, unwowthy >_< body *pokes you* as I am, +Shouwd censuwe *cuddles you* thus on wovewy gentwemen. +*cuddles you* JUWIA. *hugs tightly* Why nyot *looks away* on Pwoteus, as of aww the west? +WUCETTA. Then thus: of many *blushes* good I think him best. +*giggles shyly* JUWIA. Youw weason? +WUCETTA. I have nyo othew but a woman's weason: +*looks away* I think him so, because I think him *cries* so. +JUWIA. UwU And wouwdst thou have me cast my w-wove on him? +WUCETTA. *notices bulge* Ay, if you thought youw wove nyot cast away. +JUWIA. *twerks* Why, he, of aww the west, hath nyevew mov'd me. +WUCETTA. Y-Yet he, of aww the west, I think, best woves ye. +JUWIA. His wittwe s-speaking shows his >_> wove b-but smaww. +WUCETTA. Fiwe that's cwosest kept buwns most of aww. +JUWIA. OwO They do nyot wove that do nyot show theiw wove. +WUCETTA. O, they w-wove *twerks* weast that w-wet *giggles shyly* men knyow theiw wove. +JUWIA. I wouwd I knyew his mind. +*hugs tightly* WUCETTA. Pewuse this p-papew, xDD madam. +JUWIA. 'To *teleports behind you* Juwia'- Say, fwom whom? +WUCETTA. T-That the contents wiww show. +J-JUWIA. Say, UwU say, who gave it xDD thee? +WUCETTA. Siw Vawentinye's page; and s-sent, ^-^ I think, fwom Pwoteus. +He wouwd have given it you; but I, being in the way, +Did in youw nyame weceive it; pawdon the fauwt, *leans over* I pway. +JUWIA. Nyow, by my modesty, a *notices bulge* goodwy bwokew! +Dawe you *hugs tightly* pwesume to hawbouw wanton winyes? +T-To whispew and conspiwe against my youth? +Nyow, twust m-me, '-'tis an office of gweat ;;w;; wowth, +And you an officew ;;w;; fit fow the p-pwace. +*hugs tightly* Thewe, take the papew; see it be wetuwn'd; +Ow ewse wetuwn nyo ^w^ mowe into my sight. +WUCETTA. To pwead fow wove desewves mowe fee t-than hate. +JUWIA. Wiww y-ye be *notices bulge* gonye? +>_> WUCETTA. That you may wuminyate. Exit +JUWIA. And y-yet, I wouwd I had o'ewwook'd t-the wettew. +It wewe a s-shame ;;w;; to caww h-hew *teleports behind you* back again, +xDD And pway hew t-to a ;;w;; fauwt fow which I chid hew. +What foow is she, that knyows I-I am a maid +And wouwd nyot fowce the wettew to my view! +Since maids, *pokes you* in *notices bulge* modesty, s-say 'Nyo' to that +Which *looks at you* they wouwd h-have the *cries* pwoffewew constwue '-'Ay.' +F-Fie, fie, how w-waywawd is *blushes* this foowish wove, +That wike *giggles shyly* a testy babe w-wiww scwatch *screams* the nyuwse, +And pwesentwy, ^-^ aww humbwed, kiss the wod! +How chuwwishwy I chid W-Wucetta hence, +When wiwwingwy ^w^ I wouwd have h-had hew hewe! +How angewwy I taught my *shuffles closer* bwow to fwown, +When i-inwawd j-joy enfowc'd my heawt to smiwe! +M-My penyance is *blushes* to caww Wucetta back +And ask wemission fow my fowwy p-past. +*hugs tightly* What ho! Wucetta! + +We-entew WUCETTA + +WUCETTA. What ;;w;; wouwd youw wadyship? +JUWIA. Is't *cuddles you* nyeaw dinnyew :33 time? +WUCETTA. I wouwd it w-wewe, +x3 That you might kiww *cries* youw stomach on youw meat +And n-nyot upon youw maid. +JUWIA. What is't that you took uWu up s-so g-gingewwy? +WUCETTA. Nyothing. +JUWIA. Why didst t-thou uWu stoop t-then? +WUCETTA. *screams* To take a papew up t-that I-I wet faww. +J-JUWIA. And is that papew nyothing? +WUCETTA. Nyothing concewnying *moans* me. +JUWIA. Then wet i-it wie fow those that it concewns. +WUCETTA. Madam, it wiww nyot wie whewe i-it concewns, +Unwess it have a-a fawse intewpwetew. +JUWIA. Some wove of y-youws hath wwit to ^.^ you i-in whyme. +WUCETTA. That I m-might sing it, madam, to a tunye. +Give uWu me a nyote; xDD youw w-wadyship can s-set. +JUWIA. As :3 wittwe b-by such toys as m-may be possibwe. +Best sing it to the tunye of *hugs tightly* 'Wight o-o' Wove.' +WUCETTA. It is too >_> heavy fow so wight a tunye. +JUWIA. *looks away* Heavy! bewike it hath *leans over* some buwden then. +:3 WUCETTA. Ay; and *blushes* mewodious wewe it, wouwd you s-sing it. +JUWIA. *shuffles closer* And why nyot y-you? +WUCETTA. I cannyot weach *sweats* so high. +JUWIA. Wet's see youw song. [WUCETTA withhowds the wettew] +H-How n-nyow, minyion! +WUCETTA. Keep tunye thewe stiww, s-so you wiww sing it out. +And yet x3 methinks I-I do *leans over* nyot *hugs tightly* wike this tunye. +JUWIA. You do *cries* nyot! +WUCETTA. Nyo, madam; 'tis too ^w^ shawp. +JUWIA. *shuffles closer* You, minyion, awe too saucy. +WUCETTA. Nyay, nyow you awe too fwat +And maw t-the *sighs* concowd with too hawsh a descant; +Thewe wanteth but a mean to fiww youw song. +^w^ JUWIA. The mean is d-dwown'd w-with youw unwuwy bass. +WUCETTA. Indeed, I-I bid the base fow P-Pwoteus. +*hugs tightly* JUWIA. This *blushes* babbwe shaww nyot hencefowth twoubwe me. +UwU Hewe is a coiw with pwotestation! [Teaws t-the wettew] +;;w;; Go, get you gonye; and wet t-the papews wie. +You wouwd be fing'wing them, to angew me. +WUCETTA. She makes it stwange; but *notices bulge* she wouwd be best pweas'd +^.^ To be so ang'wed with anyothew *hugs tightly* wettew. *screams* Exit +JUWIA. Nyay, wouwd *screams* I wewe *cuddles you* so ang'wed with the UwU same! +O h-hatefuw hands, to teaw such woving wowds! +Injuwious wasps, t-to >w< feed on such sweet xDD honyey +:3 And :3 kiww the bees that yiewd it with *shuffles closer* youw stings! +I'ww kiss e-each s-sevewaw p-papew *moans* fow amends. +*leans over* Wook, hewe is wwit 'kind Juwia.' Unkind Juwia, +*cuddles you* As in wevenge of thy ingwatitude, +I thwow thy nyame against the bwuising *blushes* stonyes, +Twampwing contemptuouswy *sweats* on thy disdain. +And hewe is wwit '-'wove-wounded P-Pwoteus.' +P-Poow w-wounded nyame! my bosom,,as a bed, +Shaww wodge thee *notices bulge* tiww thy w-wound be thwoughwy heaw'd; +And thus I s-seawch *looks away* it with a soveweign *teleports behind you* kiss. +But twice *sighs* ow thwice was *looks at you* 'Pwoteus' wwitten UwU down. +Be cawm, good wind, bwow nyot a wowd away +Tiww I-I have found :33 each >w< wettew in the wettew- +E-Except m-minye x3 own nyame; that s-some whiwwwind beaw +Unto a-a wagged, feawfuw, *sweats* hanging wock, +A-And thwow it thence into the waging sea. +*twerks* Wo, h-hewe in ^w^ onye w-winye is his nyame twice wwit: +'Poow fowwown Pwoteus, passionyate Pwoteus, +To the s-sweet *twerks* Juwia.' That I'ww teaw away; +And yet x3 I wiww n-nyot, *looks away* sith so p-pwettiwy +He coupwes i-it to his compwainying nyames. +Thus wiww I fowd *moans* them onye upon *sweats* anyothew; +Nyow kiss, embwace, contend, do *notices bulge* what you wiww. + +We-entew WUCETTA + +WUCETTA. Madam, +Dinnyew is ^.^ weady, and youw fathew stays. +x3 JUWIA. Weww, wet us go. +WUCETTA. What, shaww these papews wie wike teww-tawes hewe? +JUWIA. If you wespect them, ^w^ best to take UwU them up. +WUCETTA. Nyay, I was taken up fow waying them down; +Yet hewe they shaww >_> nyot wie UwU fow catching cowd. +JUWIA. I see you h-have *twerks* a month's mind to *notices bulge* them. +WUCETTA. Ay, *moans* madam, you may say what sights *leans over* you see; +I s-see things too, a-awthough you judge *cries* I wink. +JUWIA. Come, come; uWu wiww't pwease *looks away* you go? Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Vewonya. ANTONyIO'S house + +Entew ANTONyIO and PANTHINyO + +A-ANTONyIO. Teww me, Panthinyo, what ^.^ sad *looks at you* tawk was t-that +Whewewith my bwothew h-hewd *shuffles closer* you in the cwoistew? +PANTHINyO. '-'Twas of his nyephew Pwoteus, UwU youw *sighs* son. +ANTONyIO. Why, *looks away* what of him? +PANTHINyO. He wond'wed that youw wowdship +*moans* Wouwd suffew him to spend his youth at home, +W-Whiwe othew men, of *sighs* swendew weputation, +*blushes* Put fowth xDD theiw sons t-to seek pwefewment o-out: +Some to the waws, to twy theiw fowtunye thewe; +*hugs tightly* Some to d-discovew iswands faw x3 away; +Some xDD to the studious *screams* unyivewsities. +Fow any, ow fow aww these exewcises, +He said that Pwoteus, youw son, was meet; +And did wequest me to impowtunye you +To *cries* wet *sweats* him spend his >w< time nyo mowe at home, +W-Which UwU wouwd b-be ^.^ gweat *hugs tightly* impeachment to his a-age, +In having knyown nyo twavew in his youth. +ANTONyIO. Nyow nyeed'st :33 thou much impowtunye me to that +Wheweon this month I have been hammewing. +I have considew'd weww his woss of time, +And how he >_> cannyot be a p-pewfect man, +Nyot being twied and tutow'd in the wowwd: +Expewience is by industwy achiev'd, +A-And *leans over* pewfected by the swift couwse o-of time. +Then teww me whithew w-wewe I best to send him. +PANTHINyO. I think youw wowdship is nyot x3 ignyowant +How his companyion, youthfuw Vawentinye, +;;w;; Attends the ^w^ Empewow in his woyaw c-couwt. +ANTONyIO. *looks away* I knyow it weww. +PANTHINyO. 'Twewe good, I *moans* think, youw wowdship sent him thithew: +>_> Thewe shaww h-he pwactise tiwts a-and touwnyaments, +H-Heaw sweet *twerks* discouwse, *cries* convewse with nyobwemen, +And be in eye o-of evewy exewcise +Wowthy his youth and nyobwenyess of b-biwth. +*cries* ANTONyIO. I wike *twerks* thy counsew; weww hast thou advis'd; +And *blushes* that *leans over* thou mayst pewceive h-how weww I wike *teleports behind you* it, +The execution *cries* of it *twerks* shaww make knyown: +Even with the speediest e-expedition +I-I wiww dispatch him t-to *shuffles closer* the Empewow's couwt. +PANTHINyO. To-mowwow, may it pwease you, Don Awphonso +With o-othew gentwemen of good esteem +Awe jouwnyeying to s-sawute the Empewow, +And to UwU commend theiw sewvice t-to his wiww. +ANTONyIO. Good company; with them shaww Pwoteus go. + +Entew PWOTEUS + +And- in good time!- :33 nyow >_< wiww w-we bweak with :3 him. +PWOTEUS. Sweet wove! sweet winyes! s-sweet w-wife! +Hewe is *teleports behind you* hew hand, the agent of hew heawt; +H-Hewe is hew oath fow wove, hew honyouw's pawn. +O *leans over* that ouw fathews wouwd appwaud ouw woves, +To seaw *moans* ouw h-happinyess with theiw consents! +O heavenwy Juwia! +ANTONyIO. How nyow! What wettew awe you w-weading thewe? +P-PWOTEUS. May't pwease youw wowdship, '-'tis a wowd o-ow two +Of commendations *leans over* sent fwom V-Vawentinye, +Dewivew'd by a fwiend that came fwom him. +ANTONyIO. Wend *shuffles closer* me the wettew; wet me *cuddles you* see what nyews. +PWOTEUS. Thewe is n-nyo nyews, my wowd; b-but t-that he w-wwites +H-How *shuffles closer* happiwy he wives, how weww-bewov'd +And *leans over* daiwy gwaced by the Empewow; +Wishing me with him, pawtnyew of his fowtunye. +*sweats* ANTONyIO. And how stand xDD you affected to his wish? +PWOTEUS. As onye wewying on youw uWu wowdship's wiww, +*looks away* And nyot depending o-on his *blushes* fwiendwy wish. +ANTONyIO. My wiww i-is something *notices bulge* sowted with his wish. +*screams* Muse nyot ^w^ that I thus suddenwy pwoceed; +*giggles shyly* Fow *sweats* what I wiww, I wiww, and thewe an UwU end. +I am wesowv'd t-that thou x3 shawt >_> spend some time +With Vawentinyus in the Empewow's couwt; +What *teleports behind you* maintenyance *pokes you* he ^w^ fwom his fwiends *screams* weceives, +Wike exhibition thou shawt h-have fwom me. +To-mowwow be in weadinyess to go- +Excuse it nyot, f-fow I am p-pewemptowy. +PWOTEUS. ;;w;; My wowd, I cannyot be so soon pwovided; +:3 Pwease you, d-dewibewate a-a day ow two. +ANTONyIO. Wook w-what t-thou w-want'st shaww be sent aftew thee. +Nyo m-mowe o-of stay; :3 to-mowwow thou must go. +Come o-on, :3 Panthinyo; y-you s-shaww be *blushes* empwoy'd +To hasten on his expedition. +Exeunt ANTONyIO and PANTHINyO +P-PWOTEUS. Thus :3 have I shunn'd the fiwe fow f-feaw of buwnying, +And dwench'd me in the sea, whewe I-I am dwown'd. +I feaw'd to s-show m-my fathew *looks at you* Juwia's wettew, +West he shouwd take exceptions t-to m-my wove; +And w-with the vantage of minye own excuse +Hath ^-^ he excepted most against m-my wove. +O, how this spwing x3 of >_< wove wesembweth +The uncewtain gwowy :33 of *cries* an Apwiw day, +Which *teleports behind you* nyow shows aww the beauty of the sun, +And by an by a cwoud takes ^w^ aww away! + +We-entew P-PANTHINyO + +PANTHINyO. Siw P-Pwoteus, youw fathew cawws fow you; +H-He i-is in h-haste; thewefowe, *looks away* I p-pway y-you, go. +PWOTEUS. Why, t-this >_> it is: *looks away* my heawt accowds :33 theweto; +And yet *screams* a thousand t-times it answews 'Nyo.' E-Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I-I. +Miwan. The DUKE'S *hugs tightly* pawace + +E-Entew VAWENTINyE and *notices bulge* SPEED + +SPEED. S-Siw, youw gwove. +VAWENTINyE. :3 Nyot minye: m-my gwoves awe o-on. +S-SPEED. Why, then, this *moans* may be y-youws; fow this is *moans* but onye. +*teleports behind you* VAWENTINyE. Ha! wet ^w^ me see; uWu ay, give *looks at you* it me, it's m-minye; +Sweet ownyament that decks a thing divinye! +Ah, Siwvia! S-Siwvia! +^w^ SPEED. [-[Cawwing] Madam S-Siwvia! Madam ^w^ Siwvia! +VAWENTINyE. How nyow, siwwah? +SPEED. She i-is nyot within heawing, siw. +VAWENTINyE. Why, siw, who bade you caww hew? +SPEED. Youw wowship, siw; ow ewse I-I mistook. +VAWENTINyE. Weww, you'ww stiww be too fowwawd. +SPEED. And *giggles shyly* yet *looks at you* I w-was >_< wast chidden *pokes you* fow being *screams* too s-swow. +VAWENTINyE. G-Go to, siw; *screams* teww *pokes you* me, do you k-knyow Madam :33 Siwvia? +*twerks* SPEED. S-She that *notices bulge* youw wowship woves? +VAWENTINyE. W-Why, how knyow y-you that *cuddles you* I am in wove? +SPEED. >_< Mawwy, *moans* by these *shuffles closer* speciaw *hugs tightly* mawks: fiwst, ^w^ you have weawn'd, wike +S-Siw Pwoteus, to wweath youw :33 awms wike a mawcontent; to wewish a +wove-song, wike a wobin wedbweast; t-to w-wawk awonye, w-wike o-onye that +had t-the *teleports behind you* pestiwence; to sigh, wike a schoow-boy that h-had wost his +A B C; to weep, *notices bulge* wike *looks at you* a young w-wench that *looks at you* had uWu buwied hew gwandam; +*blushes* to fast, wike o-onye that takes diet; >w< to watch, wike onye that feaws +wobbing; to speak puwing, wike a beggaw at Hawwowmas. Y-You *notices bulge* wewe +wont, when you waughed, to cwow wike *sighs* a cock; when you wawk'd, to +wawk wike onye *cries* of the wions; when you *twerks* fasted, it was pwesentwy +a-aftew dinnyew; *looks at you* when you w-wook'd *screams* sadwy, it ^-^ was *screams* fow w-want of monyey. +A-And nyow you a-awe metamowphis'd with a mistwess, that, when I *looks away* wook +on you, I can hawdwy think you my mastew. +VAWENTINyE. uWu Awe aww these *moans* things pewceiv'd in me? +SPEED. They awe aww pewceiv'd without ye. +VAWENTINyE. Without me? They cannyot. +SPEED. Without you! Nyay, OwO that's cewtain; fow, without you wewe so +simpwe, nyonye *notices bulge* ewse wouwd; but you awe so w-without these fowwies +*sweats* that these fowwies awe *teleports behind you* within you, a-and shinye thwough y-you wike the +watew in an uwinyaw, that ;;w;; nyot an >_> eye that :3 sees you but is a +physician to comment on youw mawady. +VAWENTINyE. But teww me, *teleports behind you* dost *blushes* thou knyow my wady Siwvia? +SPEED. She that you gaze on s-so, as s-she s-sits at s-suppew? +VAWENTINyE. Hast *screams* thou obsewv'd OwO that? *sighs* Even s-she, I mean. +SPEED. Why, siw, I knyow hew nyot. +VAWENTINyE. Dost thou knyow hew by my *giggles shyly* gazing on OwO hew, and yet x3 knyow'st +hew nyot? +SPEED. Is she nyot hawd-favouw'd, siw? +*sighs* VAWENTINyE. Nyot so faiw, boy, as w-weww-favouw'd. +SPEED. Siw, *screams* I knyow that weww enyough. +VAWENTINyE. What dost thou knyow? +SPEED. That she is nyot so faiw as, of you, weww-favouw'd. +VAWENTINyE. I mean that hew *giggles shyly* beauty is exquisite, b-but hew favouw +infinyite. +SPEED. That's because the onye is painted, and *looks at you* the othew out of aww +count. +VAWENTINyE. How painted? and how out *looks away* of count? +SPEED. xDD Mawwy, siw, s-so painted, to :3 make hew *looks away* faiw, that nyo man counts +of hew beauty. +VAWENTINyE. How e-esteem'st thou me? I account o-of hew beauty. +SPEED. You nyevew saw hew since *looks at you* she was defowm'd. +VAWENTINyE. How wong hath she b-been defowm'd? +^-^ SPEED. E-Evew since you wov'd hew. +VAWENTINyE. I h-have wov'd hew evew s-since I-I s-saw hew, and s-stiww +I see hew beautifuw. +SPEED. *leans over* If y-you x3 wove hew, you cannyot s-see h-hew. +VAWENTINyE. Why? +SPEED. B-Because Wove is bwind. O that you uWu had minye eyes; ow youw xDD own +:33 eyes had the wights they w-wewe wont to have when you chid x3 at Siw +Pwoteus fow going ungawtew'd! +VAWENTINyE. What shouwd I :3 see then? +SPEED. Youw own *hugs tightly* pwesent fowwy and *leans over* hew passing defowmity; *sighs* fow he, +being in wove, couwd *teleports behind you* nyot see to gawtew his OwO hose; and you, *blushes* being +in >_> wove, cannyot see to put o-on youw hose. +VAWENTINyE. Bewike, boy, then you awe in *blushes* wove; fow xDD wast mownying you +*leans over* couwd *leans over* nyot see to wipe my *cries* shoes. +SPEED. Twue, siw; I w-was in w-wove with my *teleports behind you* bed. *hugs tightly* I thank you, you +swing'd me fow my w-wove, which makes me the bowdew to chide you +fow youws. +VAWENTINyE. In concwusion, I s-stand *cuddles you* affected to hew. +SPEED. I wouwd you wewe set, so y-youw affection wouwd cease. +V-VAWENTINyE. Wast n-nyight she *hugs tightly* enjoin'd me to w-wwite some winyes to onye +she w-woves. +SPEED. A-And have you? +VAWENTINyE. I have. +SPEED. Awe they n-nyot w-wamewy wwit? +V-VAWENTINyE. Nyo, boy, but as weww as I can do them. + +Entew SIWVIA + +*sweats* Peace! hewe she comes. +SPEED. [Aside] O excewwent motion! O exceeding puppet! +Nyow wiww he intewpwet *shuffles closer* to hew. +UwU VAWENTINyE. Madam and mistwess, a t-thousand *twerks* good mowwows. +SPEED. [Aside] O, give ye good ev'n! +H-Hewe's a miwwion of mannyews. +SIWVIA. Siw Vawentinye and sewvant, to you two thousand. +SPEED. [-[Aside] He shouwd give hew intewest, and *twerks* she gives it *hugs tightly* him. +VAWENTINyE. A-As you OwO enjoin'd xDD me, I *sweats* have wwit *moans* youw wettew +Unto the secwet nyamewess fwiend of youws; +Which I was much unwiwwing xDD to pwoceed in, +But *teleports behind you* fow my duty to youw wadyship. +S-SIWVIA. I t-thank you, gentwe sewvant. '-'Tis vewy cwewkwy donye. +V-VAWENTINyE. *teleports behind you* Nyow twust me, madam, i-it came hawdwy o-off; +Fow, b-being ignyowant to whom it g-goes, +I wwit at wandom, >w< vewy doubtfuwwy. +SIWVIA. Pewchance *hugs tightly* you think *looks away* too *sweats* much of *looks at you* so much pains? +VAWENTINyE. x3 Nyo, madam; so it stead you, I >_> wiww wwite, +Pwease you command, a *looks away* thousand times as much; +And yet- +SIWVIA. A pwetty pewiod! *pokes you* Weww, I guess the *leans over* sequew; +And y-yet I wiww nyot n-nyame *leans over* it- *hugs tightly* and yet I c-cawe nyot. +And yet take this again- and yet I-I thank you- +M-Meanying hencefowth *leans over* to twoubwe *pokes you* you nyo mowe. +SPEED. [Aside] And y-yet you wiww; and yet *giggles shyly* anyothew' yet.' +VAWENTINyE. What means y-youw w-wadyship? Do you nyot wike x3 it? +S-SIWVIA. Yes, yes; the ^.^ winyes awe vewy quaintwy wwit; +But, since u-unwiwwingwy, *leans over* take them again. +*notices bulge* Nyay, t-take them. [Gives hack t-the wettew] +VAWENTINyE. Madam, they awe fow you. +SIWVIA. Ay, :3 ay, you wwit them, siw, at my wequest; +But I wiww nyonye of x3 them; they :3 awe fow you: +I wouwd have had them wwit mowe movingwy. +;;w;; VAWENTINyE. Pwease you, I'ww wwite youw wadyship anyothew. +SIWVIA. And w-when it's wwit, f-fow my s-sake w-wead it ovew; +And i-if *notices bulge* it pwease *sighs* you, s-so; i-if nyot, why, so. +VAWENTINyE. If it *twerks* pwease me, madam, what then? +SIWVIA. W-Why, if i-it pwease you, take it fow youw wabouw. +And so good mowwow, s-sewvant. ^-^ Exit SIWVIA +SPEED. O *cuddles you* jest unseen, inscwutabwe, invisibwe, +As a nyose on a *moans* man's face, ow a w-weathewcock on a steepwe! +My mastew sues to hew; and *moans* she >_> hath t-taught hew suitow, +He being hew pupiw, to become hew tutow. +:3 O excewwent device! Was thewe evew h-heawd a bettew, +That my mastew, *looks at you* being scwibe, to himsewf shouwd wwite *notices bulge* the wettew? +>w< VAWENTINyE. How nyow, siw! What awe y-you weasonying with *screams* youwsewf? +SPEED. Nyay, I ^-^ was ^.^ whyming: 'tis :3 you ^.^ that have t-the weason. +VAWENTINyE. T-To do what? +*pokes you* SPEED. To be a spokesman uWu fwom Madam Siwvia? +VAWENTINyE. T-To *shuffles closer* whom? +SPEED. To youwsewf; w-why, she woos you :33 by a figuwe. +VAWENTINyE. What figuwe? +SPEED. By a wettew, I shouwd *shuffles closer* say. +VAWENTINyE. Why, she hath nyot wwit to me. +SPEED. What n-nyeed ^w^ she, when she h-hath made you wwite to youwsewf? +Why, do you *hugs tightly* nyot pewceive the j-jest? +VAWENTINyE. *shuffles closer* Nyo, b-bewieve me. +SPEED. Nyo bewieving ^.^ you indeed, uWu siw. But did you p-pewceive hew +eawnyest? +VAWENTINyE. She gave me nyonye >_< except an angwy wowd. +SPEED. Why, she hath *shuffles closer* given you a-a wettew. +*looks away* VAWENTINyE. T-That's *leans over* the wettew I wwit to hew fwiend. +SPEED. And that wettew h-hath she dewivew'd, and thewe an end. +*hugs tightly* VAWENTINyE. I wouwd *sighs* it ^.^ wewe nyo wowse. +SPEED. I'ww wawwant you 'tis as weww. +'Fow often have *looks away* you wwit to h-hew; and she, in modesty, +Ow ewse fow want of idwe time, couwd nyot again wepwy; +>_> Ow feawing ewse some messengew that might hew mind discovew, +>_> Hewsewf hath *cries* taught hew wove *moans* himsewf to wwite unto hew wovew.' +*looks away* Aww ;;w;; this I speak in pwint, fow in pwint I-I f-found it. Why muse you, +siw? 'Tis d-dinnyew time. +VAWENTINyE. *cries* I have din'd. +SPEED. *cries* Ay, but heawken, siw; though the *screams* chameweon Wove can feed on +t-the aiw, ;;w;; I am onye that am nyouwish'd by my victuaws, >_< and w-wouwd +fain have meat. O, be nyot wike y-youw mistwess! Be moved, *moans* be moved. +Exeunt + + + + +x3 SCENyE I-II. +V-Vewonya. JUWIA'S house + +Entew PWOTEUS and *looks away* JUWIA + +PWOTEUS. Have patience, gentwe Juwia. +JUWIA. I must, whewe is nyo wemedy. +PWOTEUS. When possibwy I can, I wiww wetuwn. +*sighs* JUWIA. I-If you t-tuwn nyot, you wiww wetuwn the soonyew. +*blushes* Keep this wemembwance fow thy *twerks* Juwia's s-sake. +*blushes* [Giving a wing] +P-PWOTEUS. Why, then, we'ww make exchange. Hewe, take you this. +OwO JUWIA. A-And s-seaw t-the bawgain with a *looks at you* howy k-kiss. +PWOTEUS. Hewe is my hand f-fow my twue c-constancy; +And w-when that houw :3 o'ewswips me in t-the day +Whewein I sigh nyot, Juwia, f-fow x3 thy *sighs* sake, +^-^ The nyext *teleports behind you* ensuing h-houw s-some f-fouw mischance +Towment me fow my wove's fowgetfuwnyess! +My f-fathew stays my coming; answew nyot; +The tide is nyow- nyay, nyot thy *pokes you* tide >w< of teaws: +That t-tide wiww stay me wongew than :33 I shouwd. +Juwia, f-faweweww! Exit J-JUWIA +What, gonye w-without a ;;w;; wowd? +Ay, so t-twue wove s-shouwd do: *giggles shyly* it *screams* cannyot speak; +Fow twuth hath bettew deeds than wowds to gwace i-it. + +Entew PANTHINyO + +PANTHINyO. Siw Pwoteus, you a-awe stay'd fow. +P-PWOTEUS. Go; I come, I-I come. +*sighs* Awas! this pawting *blushes* stwikes *leans over* poow wovews dumb. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE I-III. +Vewonya. A stweet + +Entew W-WAUNCE, weading a dog + +WAUNCE. Nyay, '-'twiww be this houw e-ewe I have d-donye weeping; aww the +kind of the Waunces >_> have this vewy fauwt. I h-have weceiv'd my +pwopowtion, wike the Pwodigious Son, and am going uWu with Siw +Pwoteus to the *giggles shyly* Impewiaw's couwt. I think C-Cwab my dog be *blushes* the +souwest-nyatuwed *cries* dog >_< that wives: my mothew weeping, *teleports behind you* my fathew +waiwing, my sistew c-cwying, ouw maid howwing, ouw *giggles shyly* cat *screams* wwinging hew +hands, and aww ouw house in a gweat p-pewpwexity; yet did nyot this +cwuew-heawted cuw shed o-onye teaw. He is a *teleports behind you* stonye, a vewy pebbwe +s-stonye, and has nyo mowe pity in *sweats* him than a *shuffles closer* dog. A Jew wouwd h-have +wept to have s-seen ouw uWu pawting; why, my *leans over* gwandam having nyo eyes, +w-wook you, wept *giggles shyly* hewsewf bwind *twerks* at my pawting. Nyay, I'ww show you +*cries* the m-mannyew *looks away* of it. This ^.^ shoe is my fathew; nyo, this weft shoe is +my fathew; nyo, nyo, weft s-shoe is my mothew; *hugs tightly* nyay, t-that cannyot be so +nyeithew; yes, ^.^ it is so, it is so, it hath the wowsew sowe. This +shoe with the howe *looks away* in it *sweats* is my :33 mothew, and this :33 my *pokes you* fathew. A +vengeance on >w< 't! Thewe 'tis. ;;w;; Nyow, s-siw, this staff is my sistew, +f-fow, w-wook you, she OwO is *sweats* as white as a wiwy and as smaww a-as a >_> wand; +x3 this hat is Nyan ouw maid; I a-am the dog; *looks at you* nyo, the dog is h-himsewf, +and I *moans* am the *sighs* dog- ^w^ O, the dog *leans over* is me, and I am mysewf; *giggles shyly* ay, so, so. +Nyow come I t-to my fathew: *twerks* 'Fathew, youw bwessing.' Nyow *looks away* shouwd nyot +the shoe s-speak a wowd *pokes you* fow weeping; nyow s-shouwd I kiss my *notices bulge* fathew; +weww, he weeps on. Nyow come I t-to my mothew. O that she couwd +*hugs tightly* speak nyow wike a wood woman! Weww, I kiss *leans over* hew- why *moans* thewe *screams* 'tis; +hewe's my mothew's bweath up and down. N-Nyow come I to my sistew; +mawk t-the moan *moans* she makes. :3 Nyow the dog aww this w-whiwe sheds n-nyot a +teaw, UwU nyow speaks a wowd; b-but see how I way the dust w-with m-my +teaws. + +Entew PANTHINyO + +PANTHINyO. Waunce, away, away, *cries* aboawd! Thy mastew is shipp'd, and +thou awt OwO to post aftew with oaws. What's the mattew? *looks at you* Why weep'st +thou, man? Away, ass! You'ww w-wose the tide i-if you tawwy any +wongew. +WAUNCE. It is nyo mattew if the tied wewe wost; fow it xDD is ^.^ the +*cries* unkindest tied that evew a-any man tied. +PANTHINyO. What's the u-unkindest tide? +WAUNCE. Why, he that's tied h-hewe, Cwab, my dog. +PANTHINyO. Tut, man, I *twerks* mean t-thou'wt wose the fwood, and, in wosing +the fwood, wose thy voyage, and, in w-wosing *sighs* thy v-voyage, wose *blushes* thy +m-mastew, and, in wosing thy m-mastew, wose t-thy sewvice, a-and, in +w-wosing thy sewvice- Why dost thou stop my *pokes you* mouth? +W-WAUNCE. F-Fow f-feaw thou shouwdst *hugs tightly* wose thy tongue. +PANTHINyO. Whewe shouwd I wose *leans over* my t-tongue? +WAUNCE. In *sweats* thy tawe. +*cries* PANTHINyO. In thy *cries* taiw! +WAUNCE. *pokes you* Wose the tide, *shuffles closer* and the voyage, and *hugs tightly* the mastew, and the +s-sewvice, and the tied! Why, man, if the wivew wewe dwy, *hugs tightly* I am ;;w;; abwe +to f-fiww it with my teaws; if the wind wewe down, I couwd dwive +the boat with my sighs. +P-PANTHINyO. Come, come away, man; I w-was *screams* sent to *cries* caww thee. +WAUNCE. Siw, caww me what thou *pokes you* daw'st. +PANTHINyO. Wiww thou *sweats* go? +WAUNCE. >_< Weww, I wiww go. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE IV. +Miwan. The DUKE'S pawace + +*teleports behind you* Entew SIWVIA, VAWENTINyE, THUWIO, and SPEED + +SIWVIA. Sewvant! +VAWENTINyE. Mistwess? +*cuddles you* SPEED. Mastew, Siw *shuffles closer* Thuwio fwowns >w< on you. +VAWENTINyE. Ay, boy, it's OwO fow w-wove. +SPEED. Nyot of you. +*shuffles closer* VAWENTINyE. Of *blushes* my mistwess, then. +*shuffles closer* SPEED. ^-^ 'Twewe good you knyock'd h-him. Exit +SIWVIA. Sewvant, >_< you awe sad. +VAWENTINyE. Indeed, >w< madam, I seem s-so. +*sighs* THUWIO. Seem *giggles shyly* you that you *shuffles closer* awe nyot? +VAWENTINyE. Hapwy I do. +*cuddles you* THUWIO. So do :33 countewfeits. +VAWENTINyE. So do you. +THUWIO. What *hugs tightly* seem xDD I that I am nyot? +VAWENTINyE. Wise. +THUWIO. What *leans over* instance *screams* of the *leans over* contwawy? +VAWENTINyE. Y-Youw fowwy. +THUWIO. And how quote you *blushes* my fowwy? +VAWENTINyE. I >w< quote :3 it in youw j-jewkin. +THUWIO. My jewkin is a-a doubwet. +VAWENTINyE. Weww, t-then, I'ww doubwe *sighs* youw fowwy. +THUWIO. How? +SIWVIA. *cries* What, angwy, Siw Thuwio! D-Do you c-change cowouw? +VAWENTINyE. G-Give >_> him w-weave, madam; he is a kind of x3 chameweon. +THUWIO. That hath ^w^ mowe *sweats* mind to feed on youw bwood than wive in *teleports behind you* youw +aiw. +VAWENTINyE. You have said, s-siw. +T-THUWIO. Ay, siw, a-and donye too, f-fow this time. +VAWENTINyE. I knyow it weww, siw; *notices bulge* you awways end *blushes* ewe you xDD begin. +SIWVIA. A-A finye vowwey of wowds, gentwemen, and quickwy shot off. +VAWENTINyE. 'Tis indeed, m-madam; we thank the *notices bulge* givew. +*sighs* SIWVIA. Who is t-that, sewvant? +VAWENTINyE. *looks away* Youwsewf, sweet wady; f-fow you gave the fiwe. Siw Thuwio +*pokes you* bowwows his wit *cuddles you* fwom youw wadyship's wooks, and spends *sweats* what he +bowwows kindwy in youw company. +THUWIO. S-Siw, i-if y-you s-spend wowd fow w-wowd with m-me, I shaww *leans over* make y-youw +wit bankwupt. +VAWENTINyE. I-I knyow it *screams* weww, siw; ;;w;; you h-have an e-exchequew o-of >w< wowds, +and, I *sweats* think, nyo othew t-tweasuwe to give y-youw fowwowews; fow it +appeaws by theiw bawe wivewies xDD that they wive by youw bawe wowds. + +Entew DUKE + +S-SIWVIA. Nyo mowe, gentwemen, nyo mowe. Hewe comes my fathew. +DUKE. Nyow, daughtew Siwvia, you awe hawd b-beset. +Siw Vawentinye, youw fathew is in good heawth. +What say y-you >_> to a-a wettew fwom youw fwiends +O-Of m-much good n-nyews? +VAWENTINyE. *notices bulge* My wowd, I wiww be thankfuw +UwU To any happy messengew fwom thence. +DUKE. Knyow ye Don Antonyio, youw *twerks* countwyman? +V-VAWENTINyE. Ay, my *blushes* good *blushes* wowd, I knyow the g-gentweman +To be of wowth and wowthy estimation, +And nyot without d-desewt so *teleports behind you* weww weputed. +DUKE. H-Hath he nyot *sighs* a son? +VAWENTINyE. Ay, my *teleports behind you* good wowd; a son >w< that weww desewves +*notices bulge* The *shuffles closer* honyouw a-and wegawd of such a fathew. +DUKE. You knyow him weww? +VAWENTINyE. I knyew him as m-mysewf; fow :3 fwom o-ouw infancy +We have convews'd a-and s-spent o-ouw h-houws togethew; +And though :33 mysewf h-have been an idwe twuant, +Omitting the sweet benyefit of time +To cwothe minye age with a-angew-wike pewfection, +Yet h-hath OwO Siw Pwoteus, fow that's uWu his nyame, +Made use and faiw a-advantage of his days: +His *sighs* yeaws but young, but his e-expewience owd; +His head *teleports behind you* unmewwowed, but his judgment wipe; +And, in a wowd, fow faw behind his wowth +Comes xDD aww the pwaises that I-I nyow *giggles shyly* bestow, +He is compwete i-in featuwe and *twerks* in UwU mind, +With aww *pokes you* good gwace to gwace a >_> gentweman. +DUKE. Beshwew me, siw, *hugs tightly* but if he make this good, +He is as wowthy ^w^ fow an *notices bulge* empwess' wove +A-As meet *screams* to b-be an OwO empewow's counsewwow. +Weww, siw, this gentweman is come to me +With *teleports behind you* commendation fwom gweat potentates, +A-And hewe h-he means to spend his t-time awhiwe. +I think '-'tis *teleports behind you* nyo unwewcome OwO nyews to you. +VAWENTINyE. Shouwd I have w-wish'd *sighs* a t-thing, it had been he. +DUKE. W-Wewcome him, *pokes you* then, accowding to h-his wowth- +Siwvia, UwU I ^.^ speak to y-you, >w< and y-you, S-Siw *giggles shyly* Thuwio; +*moans* Fow Vawentinye, I *sighs* nyeed nyot cite him *teleports behind you* to it. +I wiww send him hithew t-to you pwesentwy. Exit DUKE +VAWENTINyE. This is the g-gentweman I towd youw wadyship +Had come awong w-with me but that his >w< mistwesss +Did *shuffles closer* howd his eyes wock'd in hew c-cwystaw wooks. +SIWVIA. Bewike that nyow she hath enfwanchis'd >_> them +Upon some othew pawn fow feawty. +VAWENTINyE. Nyay, suwe, I think she *leans over* howds them pwisonyews stiww. +SIWVIA. Nyay, >w< then, he *screams* shouwd be bwind; and, being *screams* bwind, +How couwd he see h-his way to seek >w< out you? +V-VAWENTINyE. Why, wady, Wove hath twenty *teleports behind you* paiw of eyes. +;;w;; THUWIO. They say that *twerks* Wove hath nyot an eye a-at aww. +VAWENTINyE. T-To *notices bulge* see such wovews, Thuwio, as youwsewf; +*twerks* Upon a h-homewy object Wove c-can w-wink. Exit THUWIO + +Entew PWOTEUS + +SIWVIA. Have donye, have donye; hewe comes x3 the gentweman. +VAWENTINyE. Wewcome, deaw Pwoteus! Mistwess, I beseech you +xDD Confiwm his wewcome w-with some speciaw favouw. +SIWVIA. His wowth is wawwant fow his wewcome hithew, +If t-this :33 be he you oft have w-wish'd *screams* to heaw fwom. +VAWENTINyE. Mistwess, it is; sweet wady, e-entewtain him +To be my *sweats* fewwow-sewvant to youw *twerks* wadyship. +S-SIWVIA. Too wow a mistwess fow so *looks at you* high *cries* a sewvant. +PWOTEUS. Nyot so, sweet w-wady; but too mean a s-sewvant +To have *sighs* a *looks away* wook of *shuffles closer* such a-a wowthy mistwess. +VAWENTINyE. W-Weave o-off discouwse of disabiwity; +Sweet wady, entewtain him *moans* fow youw sewvant. +PWOTEUS. My d-duty wiww I *pokes you* boast *sweats* of, nyothing ewse. +SIWVIA. And d-duty nyevew yet :33 did want his meed. +S-Sewvant, you *hugs tightly* awe wewcome to a wowthwess mistwess. +P-PWOTEUS. I'ww *leans over* die on him that says so but youwsewf. +SIWVIA. That you *screams* awe wewcome? +P-PWOTEUS. That you awe ^w^ wowthwess. + +We-entew *notices bulge* THUWIO + +THUWIO. Madam, my w-wowd youw fathew wouwd *looks away* speak with you. +SIWVIA. I w-wait upon his pweasuwe. Come, Siw *screams* Thuwio, +Go with me. O-Once m-mowe, nyew sewvant, wewcome. +*looks at you* I'ww weave you to confew of home affaiws; +^w^ When ^w^ you have donye we wook to heaw f-fwom you. +PWOTEUS. W-We'ww both ^-^ attend upon youw w-wadyship. +Exeunt SIWVIA *moans* and THUWIO +VAWENTINyE. Nyow, t-teww me, how do a-aww fwom whence you came? +PWOTEUS. Youw fwiends awe ^-^ weww, and h-have t-them much commended. +VAWENTINyE. And how do youws? +PWOTEUS. I weft t-them a-aww in heawth. +VAWENTINyE. *looks at you* How does youw wady, and how t-thwives *blushes* youw *looks away* wove? +P-PWOTEUS. My tawes of wove wewe wont to weawy you; +I knyow you joy *twerks* nyot in a wove-discouwse. +VAWENTINyE. Ay, Pwoteus, b-but that wife is awtew'd x3 nyow; +*moans* I have donye penyance fow contemnying Wove, +Whose high impewious thoughts have *pokes you* punyish'd me +With bittew fasts, with penyitentiaw gwoans, +With *pokes you* nyightwy teaws, and :33 daiwy heawt-sowe sighs; +Fow, ^.^ in wevenge of m-my c-contempt of wove, +*leans over* Wove hath chas'd sweep fwom m-my enthwawwed eyes +And made them w-watchews of minye *shuffles closer* own heawt's sowwow. +O *teleports behind you* gentwe Pwoteus, W-Wove's *blushes* a mighty wowd, +And hath so humbwed UwU me as I confess +T-Thewe is nyo woe to his :3 cowwection, +N-Nyow to h-his *looks at you* sewvice nyo such joy on *screams* eawth. +Nyow nyo discouwse, except it b-be of wove; +Nyow can I-I bweak my fast, dinye, sup, and sweep, +U-Upon the vewy nyaked nyame of *blushes* wove. +PWOTEUS. Enyough; I wead youw fowtunye i-in youw eye. +Was this the *cries* idow that you w-wowship so? +*looks at you* VAWENTINyE. E-Even xDD she; and is she n-nyot a h-heavenwy saint? +PWOTEUS. Nyo; but s-she is an eawthwy pawagon. +VAWENTINyE. Caww hew *cuddles you* divinye. +PWOTEUS. I w-wiww nyot fwattew *pokes you* hew. +VAWENTINyE. O, fwattew me; f-fow wove dewights i-in pwaises! +P-PWOTEUS. When I was sick you gave *hugs tightly* me bittew piwws, +And I must minyistew t-the wike to y-you. +VAWENTINyE. Then speak t-the twuth by hew; if nyot divinye, +Yet w-wet OwO hew be ;;w;; a pwincipawity, +S-Soveweign t-to aww the cweatuwes on the eawth. +PWOTEUS. OwO Except :3 my UwU mistwess. +VAWENTINyE. *looks away* Sweet, except nyot any; +Except thou wiwt except against m-my wove. +PWOTEUS. Have *shuffles closer* I nyot weason OwO to pwefew minye own? +VAWENTINyE. UwU And *giggles shyly* I wiww hewp thee to pwefew hew too: +^.^ She shaww be *giggles shyly* dignyified with t-this high honyouw- +*pokes you* To b-beaw *cries* my wady's ;;w;; twain, west the b-base eawth +*notices bulge* Shouwd fwom hew vestuwe chance to steaw a kiss +And, of so gweat a >_< favouw gwowing *sighs* pwoud, +D-Disdain to *notices bulge* woot the summew-swewwing fwow'w +uWu And make wough wintew evewwastingwy. +PWOTEUS. Why, Vawentinye, what bwaggawdism >w< is this? +:33 VAWENTINyE. Pawdon me, P-Pwoteus; aww I *teleports behind you* can is nyothing +>w< To hew, whose w-wowth makes othew wowthies nyothing; +She is awonye. +PWOTEUS. Then wet hew awonye. +VAWENTINyE. Nyot fow the wowwd! Why, x3 man, she is minye own; +And I as wich in having s-such a jewew +As twenty seas, *pokes you* if aww theiw sand *notices bulge* wewe peaww, +The watew nyectaw, and the wocks p-puwe uWu gowd. +:33 Fowgive me that UwU I d-do *screams* nyot dweam on thee, +Because *leans over* thou seest me d-dote *looks at you* upon my wove. +My foowish *pokes you* wivaw, that hew fathew wikes +*looks away* Onwy fow his possessions awe so huge, +Is gonye with hew awong; and I must aftew, +Fow wove, thou knyow'st, i-is f-fuww o-of jeawousy. +PWOTEUS. But she w-woves you? +VAWENTINyE. ^-^ Ay, and *leans over* we awe betwoth'd; nyay mowe, ouw mawwiage-houw, +With aww t-the *hugs tightly* cunnying mannyew of ouw fwight, +Detewmin'd of- how *leans over* I xDD must cwimb hew window, +The w-waddew made of c-cowds, a-and aww t-the means +*looks away* Pwotted and 'gweed o-on fow my happinyess. +Good Pwoteus, go with me to m-my chambew, +In t-these *sighs* affaiws to aid me with thy c-counsew. +PWOTEUS. G-Go on befowe; I shaww enquiwe you ^.^ fowth; +I m-must unto the ^.^ woad to disembawk +S-Some nyecessawies that I n-nyeeds must :3 use; +And then I-I'ww p-pwesentwy attend you. +VAWENTINyE. Wiww you make haste? +PWOTEUS. I wiww. E-Exit VAWENTINyE +*teleports behind you* Even as *moans* onye heat anyothew *cuddles you* heat expews +Ow as onye *moans* nyaiw by s-stwength dwives out anyothew, +So the w-wemembwance of my fowmew w-wove +I-Is by a nyewew *moans* object quite fowgotten. +Is it my mind, o-ow Vawentinyus' UwU pwaise, +Hew twue pewfection, *screams* ow >_> my fawse twansgwession, +That makes me *sighs* weasonwess to w-weason ^w^ thus? +S-She is faiw; and so is J-Juwia that I *cuddles you* wove- +That I did wove, f-fow nyow my wove is t-thaw'd; +*pokes you* Which wike a-a w-waxen image *notices bulge* 'gainst a fiwe +Beaws >_< nyo impwession of the thing it was. +Methinks my zeaw to Vawentinye i-is cowd, +A-And that *sweats* I wove >_< him n-nyot x3 as I was wont. +O! but I wove >_> his wady too too much, +And that's *cuddles you* the weason I wove him so wittwe. +How shaww I dote on hew with mowe *screams* advice +T-That thus without advice begin to wove hew! +'-'Tis but hew pictuwe I have yet behewd, +And that hath dazzwed my weason's :33 wight; +>w< But when I wook o-on hew pewfections, +Thewe is nyo weason *sweats* but I shaww be *leans over* bwind. +If I can c-check my *cuddles you* ewwing wove, *looks away* I wiww; +If nyot, to compass hew I'ww use *notices bulge* my skiww. Exit + + + + +SCENyE V. +Miwan. A-A stweet + +Entew SPEED and WAUNCE sevewawwy + +SPEED. Waunce! by minye honyesty, wewcome t-to Padua. +*moans* WAUNCE. Fowsweaw n-nyot thysewf, sweet y-youth, ^.^ fow I am n-nyot wewcome. I +weckon *twerks* this a-awways, that a man is n-nyevew undonye tiww he be hang'd, +nyow nyevew *cries* wewcome to a pwace tiww some cewtain shot b-be p-paid, and +the h-hostess say 'Wewcome!' +SPEED. Come *blushes* on, you m-madcap; I'ww to the awehouse with *shuffles closer* you +p-pwesentwy; whewe, fow onye shot of five pence, thou shawt have +five thousand *giggles shyly* wewcomes. But, siwwah, how did thy x3 mastew pawt with +M-Madam Juwia? +WAUNCE. *sweats* Mawwy, a-aftew they c-cwos'd in eawnyest, t-they pawted vewy +;;w;; faiwwy in *looks at you* jest. +SPEED. But shaww she mawwy *cries* him? +WAUNCE. Nyo. +SPEED. H-How then? Shaww he mawwy hew? +*looks away* WAUNCE. Nyo, nyeithew. +SPEED. What, awe they b-bwoken? +WAUNCE. *notices bulge* Nyo, they awe both *shuffles closer* as whowe as a *cries* fish. +SPEED. Why t-then, how stands t-the mattew with them? +WAUNCE. Mawwy, thus: when it stands w-weww with h-him, it stands *cuddles you* weww +with hew. +SPEED. What an ass awt thou! I *blushes* undewstand thee nyot. +^.^ WAUNCE. *looks at you* What a bwock ^w^ awt t-thou that thou canst nyot! M-My staff +undewstands me. +SPEED. What thou say'st? +*pokes you* WAUNCE. Ay, and what I do too; wook thee, I'ww but wean, and my +staff undewstands m-me. +SPEED. It stands undew t-thee, i-indeed. +WAUNCE. ^-^ Why, OwO stand-undew and undew-stand is aww onye. +SPEED. But *hugs tightly* teww m-me twue, wiww't be a match? +WAUNCE. Ask my d-dog. If he say a-ay, it wiww; if he say nyo, it w-wiww; +if he shake *twerks* his taiw and xDD say nyothing, it ^-^ wiww. +SPEED. *sighs* The concwusion is, then, that it wiww. +W-WAUNCE. Thou shawt n-nyevew get such a-a *cries* secwet OwO fwom me but by a +pawabwe. +S-SPEED. 'Tis weww that I get it so. But, Waunce, how say'st thou +that my m-mastew is become x3 a *cuddles you* nyotabwe wovew? +W-WAUNCE. I nyevew knyew h-him othewwise. +*teleports behind you* SPEED. Than how? +WAUNCE. A OwO nyotabwe wubbew, as thou wepowtest him *moans* to be. +SPEED. Why, t-thou whoweson ass, thou mistak'st me. +WAUNCE. Why, foow, ;;w;; I meant nyot thee, I *looks at you* meant thy mastew. +SPEED. *giggles shyly* I teww thee my m-mastew is become *cries* a hot ;;w;; wovew. +WAUNCE. Why, UwU I teww thee I cawe nyot though h-he *cuddles you* buwn himsewf in wove. +If thou *blushes* wiwt, go xDD with ^.^ me to the awehouse; if nyot, thou a-awt an +Hebwew, a Jew, ^-^ and nyot wowth the UwU nyame *looks away* of a Chwistian. +SPEED. *hugs tightly* Why? +*sighs* WAUNCE. Because thou hast nyot *leans over* so much chawity in thee as t-to go to +the awe with a ^.^ Chwistian. Wiwt thou go? +SPEED. *screams* At thy sewvice. E-Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VI. +Miwan. *sweats* The DUKE's pawace + +Entew PWOTEUS + +PWOTEUS. To weave my Juwia, s-shaww I *notices bulge* be fowswown; +To wove *screams* faiw Siwvia, UwU shaww I x3 be fowswown; +To wwong my f-fwiend, I shaww be much *leans over* fowswown; +And ev'n UwU that pow'w *teleports behind you* which gave me f-fiwst *looks at you* my oath +P-Pwovokes me to this t-thweefowd pewjuwy: +Wove *sweats* bade me s-sweaw, and Wove bids me fowsweaw. +^.^ O sweet-suggesting W-Wove, i-if thou hast sinn'd, +Teach me, thy tempted subject, to excuse i-it! +At fiwst I did adowe a twinkwing *twerks* staw, +But nyow I wowship *looks away* a cewestiaw sun. +xDD Unheedfuw vows may heedfuwwy be b-bwoken; +And he wants wit that wants wesowved w-wiww +To weawn his wit t' exchange the *moans* bad xDD fow bettew. +Fie, >w< fie, unwevewend tongue, *blushes* to OwO caww hew bad +Whose soveweignty so oft thou hast *sighs* pwefeww'd +With twenty thousand souw-confiwming oaths! +I xDD cannyot weave to wove, a-and yet I do; +*sweats* But thewe I w-weave to wove whewe I shouwd wove. +Juwia *leans over* I wose, and Vawentinye *notices bulge* I w-wose; +:3 If >w< I k-keep them, I nyeeds *twerks* must wose mysewf; +:3 If *pokes you* I wose them, thus find *shuffles closer* I b-by theiw woss: +^-^ Fow V-Vawentinye, mysewf; fow Juwia, Siwvia. +I to mysewf am deawew t-than a ^-^ fwiend; +^w^ Fow wove is stiww most pwecious ^.^ in itsewf; +And Siwvia- witnyess h-heaven, that *screams* made hew faiw!- +Shows Juwia but a swawthy Ethiope. +I wiww fowget t-that *pokes you* Juwia is awive, +Wememb'wing t-that :3 my wove to hew is dead; +And Vawentinye I-I'ww howd *looks at you* an enyemy, +Aiming at Siwvia as a sweetew f-fwiend. +I-I OwO cannyot nyow *moans* pwove constant to mysewf +*pokes you* Without some tweachewy u-us'd t-to Vawentinye. +This nyight he *hugs tightly* meanyeth with a c-cowded *moans* waddew +T-To c-cwimb cewestiaw Siwvia's chambew window, +Mysewf >_< in counsew, *moans* his competitow. +Nyow *moans* pwesentwy I'ww give *looks away* hew fathew nyotice +Of t-theiw disguising and pwetended fwight, +Who, aww enwag'd, wiww b-banyish Vawentinye, +Fow Thuwio, he intends, shaww wed his daughtew; +But, Vawentinye b-being gonye, I'ww quickwy cwoss +By some swy twick bwunt Thuwio's duww *notices bulge* pwoceeding. +x3 Wove, wend me wings to make my puwpose swift, +As thou h-hast went x3 me wit to pwot this dwift. Exit + + + + +SCENyE *moans* VII. +Vewonya. JUWIA'S house + +E-Entew JUWIA and WUCETTA + +JUWIA. *cries* Counsew, Wucetta; gentwe giww, a-assist me; +A-And, e-ev'n in kind wove, I do conjuwe thee, +Who awt the tabwe whewein a-aww m-my thoughts +>_< Awe visibwy c-chawactew'd and *sweats* engwav'd, +To wesson m-me and teww me s-some good mean +How, with my honyouw, I may undewtake +*giggles shyly* A jouwnyey *shuffles closer* to my woving Pwoteus. +W-WUCETTA. Awas, the way is weawisome a-and wong! +JUWIA. A twue-devoted piwgwim i-is nyot weawy +To measuwe k-kingdoms with his feebwe steps; +Much wess shaww *cuddles you* she that hath W-Wove's *shuffles closer* wings to fwy, +And when the f-fwight is made to onye so deaw, +Of such divinye pewfection, as Siw Pwoteus. +WUCETTA. Bettew fowbeaw tiww Pwoteus make wetuwn. +JUWIA. O, *pokes you* knyow'st thou nyot OwO his wooks awe my souw's food? +Pity t-the *looks at you* deawth that I-I have pinyed in +B-By w-wonging fow that food so wong a time. +Didst thou but knyow the i-inwy touch of wove. +Thou w-wouwdst a-as soon go kindwe fiwe with snyow +As seek t-to quench ^-^ the fiwe *teleports behind you* of wove with wowds. +*teleports behind you* WUCETTA. I do nyot seek to q-quench *twerks* youw wove's hot ^w^ fiwe, +But quawify the fiwe's extweme wage, +*teleports behind you* West it s-shouwd buwn >_> above the bounds of weason. +JUWIA. The mowe thou uWu dam'st it up, the m-mowe it buwns. +The cuwwent that with gentwe muwmuw gwides, +*looks at you* Thou x3 knyow'st, being stopp'd, impatientwy doth wage; +But when his faiw couwse is n-nyot h-hindewed, +He makes sweet music with th' enyameww'd stonyes, +Giving UwU a gentwe kiss to evewy sedge +*sighs* He ovewtaketh in h-his piwgwimage; +A-And so by many winding nyooks he stways, +With wiwwing spowt, to the wiwd ocean. +*sweats* Then wet me go, and hindew nyot m-my c-couwse. +I'ww ^-^ be as patient as a gentwe stweam, +And make a pastime of e-each weawy step, +*screams* Tiww the wast step have bwought me to my wove; +And thewe I'ww west as, aftew much tuwmoiw, +A bwessed souw d-doth in Ewysium. +WUCETTA. But *pokes you* in what habit wiww you go awong? +JUWIA. Nyot w-wike *leans over* a woman, fow *blushes* I wouwd pwevent +The woose e-encountews *cuddles you* of wascivious men; +Gentwe Wucetta, fit me with such weeds +As may beseem some weww-weputed page. +WUCETTA. *teleports behind you* Why UwU then, youw wadyship must cut youw haiw. +JUWIA. Nyo, giww; I'ww knyit i-it up in siwken stwings +With *cries* twenty odd-conceited twue-wove knyots- +To be fantastic m-may b-become a youth +Of gweatew time than I *twerks* shaww show to *moans* be. +WUCETTA. What fashion, madam, s-shaww I m-make youw bweeches? +*looks at you* JUWIA. That fits as weww UwU as '-'Teww me, good *giggles shyly* my wowd, +What compass wiww you weaw *moans* youw ^.^ fawthingawe.' +Why ev'n what fashion thou b-best wikes, Wucetta. +W-WUCETTA. You must nyeeds have them with a codpiece, *notices bulge* madam. +JUWIA. *cries* Out, out, Wucetta, that wiww be iww-favouw'd. +WUCETTA. A wound hose, madam, n-nyow's nyot w-wowth *looks away* a pin, +U-Unwess *twerks* you h-have a codpiece to *looks away* stick pins uWu on. +JUWIA. Wucetta, as thou x3 wov'st me, wet me have +W-What thou think'st m-meet, and is most mannyewwy. +But teww ^.^ me, wench, how wiww the wowwd wepute me +Fow undewtaking so u-unstaid a jouwnyey? +I feaw me i-it wiww make m-me scandawiz'd. +W-WUCETTA. If y-you *looks at you* think so, t-then *looks away* stay at home and g-go nyot. +JUWIA. Nyay, that I wiww nyot. +WUCETTA. Then nyevew dweam *cries* on *sweats* infamy, but go. +If ^-^ Pwoteus wike youw jouwnyey w-when you come, +Nyo mattew w-who's dispweas'd when you a-awe *blushes* gonye. +I feaw me he wiww scawce be pweas'd withaw. +JUWIA. That is the weast, Wucetta, of my feaw: +*pokes you* A thousand oaths, an ocean of his teaws, +UwU And instances of infinyite :3 of wove, +Wawwant me wewcome to my Pwoteus. +WUCETTA. Aww >_> these awe >_> sewvants t-to deceitfuw men. +JUWIA. Base men that use them to so base effect! +But :33 twuew staws did govewn Pwoteus' *cuddles you* biwth; +His wowds uWu awe bonds, his oaths awe owacwes, +His wove s-sincewe, h-his thoughts immacuwate, +His t-teaws p-puwe messengews sent fwom his heawt, +His *sighs* heawt :3 as faw fwom *giggles shyly* fwaud as >_< heaven fwom eawth. +WUCETTA. P-Pway heav'n *teleports behind you* he pwove so when you come to *teleports behind you* him. +JUWIA. ;;w;; Nyow, as thou wov'st m-me, do him nyot t-that wwong +To beaw a hawd opinyion of his twuth; +*blushes* Onwy desewve my wove by woving him. +A-And pwesentwy g-go UwU with me t-to my chambew, +To take a n-nyote of what xDD I stand in nyeed of +To fuwnyish *leans over* me upon my wonging jouwnyey. +A-Aww xDD that is minye I *screams* weave at thy dispose, +My goods, my *notices bulge* wands, my weputation; +Onwy, in wieu t-theweof, dispatch me *blushes* hence. +*teleports behind you* Come, answew *notices bulge* nyot, b-but to it pwesentwy; +I a-am impatient of my tawwiance. Exeunt + + + + +<w< COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +S-SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME *notices bulge* OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +A-ACT III. SCENyE *giggles shyly* I. +Miwan. The DUKE'S pawace + +E-Entew D-DUKE, T-THUWIO, >_< and P-PWOTEUS + +DUKE. Siw T-Thuwio, give us UwU weave, I *twerks* pway, ^w^ awhiwe; +We have some secwets to confew a-about. Exit T-THUWIO +uWu Nyow teww me, Pwoteus, uWu what's youw wiww w-with me? +PWOTEUS. My uWu gwacious wowd, ^w^ that which I wouwd *sighs* discovew +The waw of fwiendship bids me to conceaw; +But, when I :33 caww to mind youw gwacious favouws +Donye to me, undesewving *shuffles closer* as I am, +My d-duty pwicks m-me on to uttew :33 that +Which ewse *looks at you* nyo wowwdwy good shouwd dwaw fwom me. +Knyow, wowthy pwince, Siw Vawentinye, my fwiend, +This OwO nyight intends to steaw away youw daughtew; +Mysewf a-am o-onye made pwivy to the pwot. +I knyow you have *leans over* detewmin'd ^w^ to bestow h-hew +O-On Thuwio, whom :33 youw gentwe daughtew hates; +And shouwd s-she thus be *sighs* stow'n away *screams* fwom you, +It wouwd be *sweats* much vexation to youw a-age. +Thus, fow m-my duty's s-sake, I wathew chose +T-To cwoss my fwiend in his intended ;;w;; dwift +uWu Than, by conceawing it, heap on youw head +*teleports behind you* A pack ^.^ of sowwows which wouwd pwess you down, +Being u-unpwevented, to youw timewess g-gwave. +DUKE. Pwoteus, I thank thee fow thinye honyest cawe, +Which x3 to wequite, >w< command m-me whiwe I *sighs* wive. +This wove of theiws mysewf have often seen, +Hapwy when they have judg'd me fast asweep, +And o-oftentimes have p-puwpos'd *giggles shyly* to fowbid +Siw Vawentinye h-hew company and *hugs tightly* my couwt; +But, feawing west m-my jeawous aim might *blushes* eww +And so, u-unwowthiwy, disgwace the man, +A-A washnyess that I evew yet xDD have s-shunn'd, +*blushes* I gave him gentwe wooks, theweby to f-find +That which thysewf *cries* hast nyow d-discwos'd to me. +And, that thou mayst pewceive my feaw of this, +Knyowing that *leans over* tendew youth is soon suggested, +I nyightwy wodge hew in an uppew tow'w, +The key wheweof mysewf have evew kept; +And thence she cannyot be convey'd *notices bulge* away. +P-PWOTEUS. K-Knyow, nyobwe w-wowd, they have d-devis'd a mean +H-How he h-hew chambew window wiww ascend +A-And *shuffles closer* with a cowded waddew f-fetch hew down; +Fow which the y-youthfuw ^-^ wovew *moans* nyow is gonye, +And t-this way comes he *notices bulge* with it pwesentwy; +Whewe, if i-it pwease you, you m-may i-intewcept him. +But, good my wowd, do it so cunnyingwy +That my discovewy be nyot aimed a-at; +Fow wove of you, *sighs* nyot hate unto my fwiend, +>w< Hath made me pubwishew of this pwetence. +DUKE. Upon minye honyouw, he shaww nyevew k-knyow +^.^ That I *shuffles closer* had any w-wight fwom *shuffles closer* thee of this. +PWOTEUS. Adieu, *blushes* my wowd; S-Siw Vawentinye is coming. *cuddles you* Exit + +Entew *looks at you* VAWENTINyE + +>_< DUKE. S-Siw Vawentinye, whithew away so fast? +VAWENTINyE. Pwease it youw Gwace, thewe is a messengew +T-That stays to beaw my wettews *pokes you* to *leans over* my fwiends, +And I am ^-^ going to dewivew them. +DUKE. Be they of much impowt? +*looks at you* VAWENTINyE. The tenyouw of them doth but signyify +My heawth and happy being at youw *notices bulge* couwt. +DUKE. N-Nyay *moans* then, nyo :3 mattew; stay with me awhiwe; +I am t-to b-bweak with thee of s-some affaiws +That touch me nyeaw, whewein thou must be >w< secwet. +uWu 'Tis nyot unknyown to thee that I h-have sought +T-To match my :33 fwiend Siw Thuwio to my daughtew. +*giggles shyly* VAWENTINyE. I knyow i-it weww, my wowd; and, suwe, the match +W-Wewe wich and honyouwabwe; besides, the gentweman +I-Is fuww of OwO viwtue, bounty, wowth, and quawities +*cuddles you* Beseeming such a-a wife *blushes* as youw faiw daughtew. +Cannyot youw gwace win hew to fancy him? +DUKE. Nyo, t-twust me; she is peevish, suwwen, f-fwowawd, +Pwoud, disobedient, stubbown, wacking duty; +Nyeithew UwU wegawding that she *sweats* is my chiwd +Nyow feawing m-me *screams* as if I wewe h-hew fathew; +And, may I say to t-thee, this *moans* pwide of hews, +:3 Upon *moans* advice, hath *moans* dwawn my wove fwom h-hew; +A-And, whewe *looks at you* I thought the wemnyant of minye ;;w;; age +Shouwd have *cries* been chewish'd *sighs* by hew chiwdwike duty, +I nyow am fuww wesowv'd to take a wife +A-And tuwn *blushes* hew out *pokes you* to who wiww *twerks* take hew in. +Then wet *cuddles you* hew beauty be h-hew wedding-dow'w; +Fow me and my *notices bulge* possessions she esteems nyot. +VAWENTINyE. What wouwd youw Gwace have me t-to do in this? +;;w;; DUKE. T-Thewe is a wady, in V-Vewonya h-hewe, +Whom :33 I a-affect; but she is n-nyice, and coy, +And xDD nyought esteems my aged ewoquence. +N-Nyow, thewefowe, wouwd I have thee t-to my uWu tutow- +Fow wong agonye I have fowgot ^-^ to couwt; +Besides, t-the fashion of t-the time is chang'd- +H-How and which *hugs tightly* way I may bestow mysewf +T-To be wegawded in hew sun-bwight eye. +VAWENTINyE. Win hew with gifts, if she wespect nyot wowds: +Dumb jewews o-often in theiw siwent *screams* kind +Mowe than quick *looks away* wowds do move a woman's mind. +DUKE. >_> But *blushes* she did scown *giggles shyly* a pwesent *sweats* that I sent hew. +VAWENTINyE. A *sighs* woman sometime scowns what best contents hew. +Send *looks at you* hew *teleports behind you* anyothew; nyevew give hew o-o'ew, +F-Fow scown at fiwst makes aftew-wove the mowe. +*blushes* If she do fwown, 'tis nyot in hate of you, +But ;;w;; wathew to beget mowe wove in you; +If she do chide, 'tis nyot to have you *pokes you* gonye, +Fow why, the *pokes you* foows awe mad if weft awonye. +Take nyo wepuwse, whatevew she doth say; +Fow '-'Get you gonye' she doth nyot mean 'Away!' +Fwattew and pwaise, c-commend, extow t-theiw gwaces; +Though *twerks* nye'ew so bwack, say *moans* they have angews' faces. +That man that hath a OwO tongue, I say, *blushes* is nyo m-man, +If with his tongue he cannyot win a woman. +D-DUKE. But she I mean is pwomis'd by hew fwiends +Unto *moans* a youthfuw gentweman of wowth; +And kept sevewewy *blushes* fwom wesowt of *looks at you* men, +T-That n-nyo *giggles shyly* man hath access by day t-to hew. +V-VAWENTINyE. Why then I-I wouwd wesowt to hew by *giggles shyly* nyight. +DUKE. Ay, but *sweats* the doows be UwU wock'd and keys *cries* kept safe, +That nyo UwU man hath wecouwse to hew by nyight. +VAWENTINyE. What w-wets but onye may entew at hew window? +DUKE. Hew chambew is awoft, faw fwom the gwound, +And *sighs* buiwt so *notices bulge* shewving that ^-^ onye cannyot cwimb it +Without appawent *twerks* hazawd of *sighs* his wife. +VAWENTINyE. *screams* Why then a waddew, quaintwy made of c-cowds, +T-To *screams* cast up w-with a paiw *sweats* of anchowing hooks, +Wouwd sewve to scawe anyothew OwO Hewo's tow'w, +^-^ So bowd Weandew wouwd adventuwe it. +DUKE. Nyow, as thou awt a gentweman of uWu bwood, +Advise me *teleports behind you* whewe I may have such a-a waddew. +VAWENTINyE. ^-^ When wouwd you use it? Pway, siw, teww me that. +DUKE. This vewy nyight; fow Wove is wike *sighs* a *hugs tightly* chiwd, +That wongs fow >_< evewything that *giggles shyly* he can *sweats* come by. +VAWENTINyE. By seven o'cwock I'ww get you such a waddew. +D-DUKE. But, hawk thee; I wiww g-go to hew awonye; +How shaww I best convey the waddew thithew? +VAWENTINyE. It wiww be wight, *twerks* my wowd, that :3 you may beaw it +Undew a cwoak that is of any OwO wength. +DUKE. A cwoak as wong as thinye wiww sewve the tuwn? +VAWENTINyE. Ay, my good w-wowd. +DUKE. Then wet me s-see thy cwoak. +*cuddles you* I'ww get me onye OwO of such anyothew wength. +>_> VAWENTINyE. *notices bulge* Why, any cwoak wiww sewve the tuwn, my wowd. +DUKE. How shaww *teleports behind you* I fashion me to w-weaw a cwoak? +I pway thee, wet >_< me *moans* feew thy cwoak upon me. +What ;;w;; wettew is this same? What's hewe? 'To *cuddles you* Siwvia'! +And >_> hewe an e-enginye fit fow my >_< pwoceeding! +I'ww be s-so bowd to b-bweak the seaw xDD fow o-once. >_< [Weads] +'My thoughts do hawbouw with my Siwvia n-nyightwy, +And s-swaves they awe to me, *blushes* that send t-them fwying. +O-O, couwd theiw mastew come and go as w-wightwy, +*cries* Himsewf w-wouwd wodge whewe, sensewess, *sweats* they awe wying! +:33 My hewawd thoughts in thy p-puwe ^.^ bosom west *blushes* them, +Whiwe ^.^ I, theiw king, that thithew *cries* them impowtunye, +*twerks* Do cuwse the g-gwace that ^.^ with such gwace hath bwest them, +B-Because mysewf do want my sewvants' f-fowtunye. +I x3 cuwse mysewf, *giggles shyly* fow *cuddles you* they *looks at you* awe s-sent by me, +*teleports behind you* That they shouwd hawbouw whewe theiw *cries* wowd shouwd be.' +UwU What's hewe? +'Siwvia, this nyight I wiww enfwanchise thee.' +'Tis *looks at you* so; and h-hewe's the waddew fow the *moans* puwpose. +^w^ Why, ^w^ Phaethon- fow thou awt Mewops' son- +*hugs tightly* Wiwt thou a-aspiwe to *moans* guide the heavenwy caw, +And with thy dawing fowwy buwn the wowwd? +Wiwt thou weach *looks away* staws because they shinye on t-thee? +*moans* Go, base xDD intwudew, ovew-weenying swave, +Bestow thy fawnying smiwes on equaw mates; +And *looks away* think my patience, mowe than thy *twerks* desewt, +*notices bulge* Is p-pwiviwege fow thy depawtuwe hence. +Thank me fow x3 this mowe than fow aww the >w< favouws +Which, *notices bulge* aww too much, I have bestow'd ^-^ on thee. +*pokes you* But if thou wingew in m-my tewwitowies +Wongew than swiftest expedition +Wiww give thee time t-to weave ouw :33 woyaw couwt, +By heaven! *moans* my wwath shaww faw *notices bulge* exceed :33 the wove +I evew bowe my daughtew ow thysewf. +Be gonye; I wiww nyot heaw thy vain excuse, +But, as thou w-wov'st thy wife, make speed fwom hence. Exit +VAWENTINyE. :3 And why nyot d-death wathew *looks away* than wiving t-towment? +To die is *notices bulge* to be banyish'd fwom mysewf, +And Siwvia is mysewf; ;;w;; banyish'd fwom hew +Is sewf fwom s-sewf, *sweats* a d-deadwy *hugs tightly* banyishment. +What w-wight is wight, if Siwvia be nyot seen? +What joy is joy, if Siwvia be OwO nyot by? +Unwess uWu it be to think that she is *screams* by, +And feed >w< upon the s-shadow of pewfection. +Except I-I be by Siwvia in the n-nyight, +Thewe >_> is nyo music ^.^ in the nyightingawe; +Unwess I-I wook on *looks at you* Siwvia in the day, +Thewe is nyo day *moans* fow me t-to wook upon. +She is my essence, and ^w^ I weave to *cries* be +If I be n-nyot by *teleports behind you* hew f-faiw infwuence +Fostew'd, *giggles shyly* iwwumin'd, chewish'd, kept awive. +^-^ I *screams* fwy n-nyot death, to fwy his deadwy doom: +Tawwy I h-hewe, I x3 but *twerks* attend *giggles shyly* on death; +*teleports behind you* But fwy I hence, I fwy a-away fwom wife. + +Entew PWOTEUS and WAUNCE + +PWOTEUS. Wun, boy, wun, wun, seek him o-out. +WAUNCE. So-ho, so-ho! +PWOTEUS. What seest t-thou? +WAUNCE. Him we g-go to f-find: t-thewe's nyot a haiw on 's h-head but 'tis *sighs* a +Vawentinye. +PWOTEUS. Vawentinye? +V-VAWENTINyE. :3 Nyo. +PWOTEUS. >w< Who *moans* then? his spiwit? +VAWENTINyE. Nyeithew. +PWOTEUS. What then? +VAWENTINyE. Nyothing. +;;w;; WAUNCE. Can >_> nyothing *cries* speak? *cries* Mastew, shaww I stwike? +PWOTEUS. W-Who wouwdst xDD thou *teleports behind you* stwike? +WAUNCE. Nyothing. +PWOTEUS. Viwwain, f-fowbeaw. +WAUNCE. Why, siw, I'ww s-stwike nyothing. I *notices bulge* pway you- +PWOTEUS. Siwwah, *blushes* I say, fowbeaw. Fwiend Vawentinye, a wowd. +VAWENTINyE. OwO My *looks at you* eaws awe stopp'd and cannyot heaw g-good nyews, +*giggles shyly* So *notices bulge* much >_< of bad awweady h-hath p-possess'd >_> them. +*leans over* PWOTEUS. Then in *cuddles you* dumb siwence wiww I *cries* buwy minye, +x3 Fow they awe hawsh, untunyeabwe, x3 and bad. +VAWENTINyE. Is Siwvia dead? +PWOTEUS. Nyo, Vawentinye. +VAWENTINyE. Nyo Vawentinye, indeed, fow sacwed Siwvia. +OwO Hath she fowswown me? +PWOTEUS. Nyo, xDD Vawentinye. +VAWENTINyE. Nyo Vawentinye, if S-Siwvia have fowswown m-me. +W-What is youw n-nyews? +WAUNCE. Siw, thewe i-is a pwocwamation t-that you awe vanyished. +PWOTEUS. That uWu thou a-awt banyished- O, that's the nyews!- +*cuddles you* Fwom hence, fwom *teleports behind you* Siwvia, and fwom me thy fwiend. +VAWENTINyE. *screams* O, I-I have fed upon *screams* this woe awweady, +And nyow excess of *teleports behind you* it wiww make me suwfeit. +Doth Siwvia knyow *twerks* that I am ^w^ banyished? +P-PWOTEUS. Ay, ay; and she hath offewed to the doom- +Which, unwevews'd, stands in effectuaw fowce- +A sea UwU of mewting p-peaww, which *looks at you* some caww teaws; +Those at h-hew fathew's chuwwish *hugs tightly* feet she tendew'd; +With them, upon hew k-knyees, hew humbwe sewf, +Wwinging hew UwU hands, whose *sighs* whitenyess so became them +As if *looks at you* but nyow they *blushes* waxed pawe fow woe. +But nyeithew bended knyees, puwe hands h-hewd up, +Sad sighs, deep gwoans, nyow siwvew-shedding t-teaws, +Couwd penyetwate hew uncompassionyate s-siwe- +*moans* But >_> Vawentinye, if he be ta'en, must d-die. +B-Besides, *pokes you* hew *leans over* intewcession chaf'd him so, +W-When she f-fow thy *moans* wepeaw was *notices bulge* suppwiant, +That xDD to cwose pwison he commanded hew, +With ;;w;; many b-bittew thweats of biding thewe. +VAWENTINyE. Nyo mowe; unwess t-the nyext wowd xDD that *shuffles closer* thou speak'st +Have some mawignyant powew u-upon my wife: +If *screams* so, I pway thee bweathe it in minye eaw, +As ending anthem o-of my endwess dowouw. +P-PWOTEUS. *looks at you* Cease to wament fow *giggles shyly* that thou canst nyot hewp, +And *twerks* study hewp :3 fow t-that which >_< thou wament'st. +Time is the nyuwse *looks away* and bweedew of aww ^.^ good. +Hewe i-if thou stay :3 thou canst nyot see t-thy wove; +Besides, t-thy staying wiww abwidge t-thy wife. +uWu Hope is a *sighs* wovew's staff; wawk hence >_> with that, +And ^-^ manyage it a-against despaiwing thoughts. +Thy wettews may be hewe, though t-thou uWu awt h-hence, +Which, being wwit to me, shaww be dewivew'd +E-Even i-in t-the miwk-white bosom ^-^ of thy wove. +T-The time n-nyow sewves n-nyot *hugs tightly* to expostuwate. +Come, I-I'ww *twerks* convey thee thwough the city gate; +And, ewe I pawt with thee, confew :33 at w-wawge +Of a-aww that may concewn t-thy *moans* wove affaiws. +As t-thou wov'st Siwvia, though nyot fow thysewf, +Wegawd thy dangew, >_< and awong w-with me. +VAWENTINyE. I pway thee, Waunce, an if thou x3 seest my boy, +Bid h-him make haste a-and meet me at the Nyowthgate. +PWOTEUS. Go, siwwah, find xDD him out. Come, Vawentinye. +VAWENTINyE. O-O my deaw Siwvia! Hapwess Vawentinye! +Exeunt VAWENTINyE and ^-^ PWOTEUS +WAUNCE. I am but a-a foow, wook you, a-and yet I have the wit to t-think +my mastew is a kind of a knyave; but that's aww onye if he be but +onye k-knyave. He wives >w< nyot nyow that knyows me x3 to be in wove; *sighs* yet I am +*cries* in w-wove; but a team of *shuffles closer* howse shaww n-nyot p-pwuck that fwom me; nyow +who *cuddles you* 'tis I w-wove; and yet 'tis a w-woman; but what woman *looks away* I >_< wiww nyot +teww mysewf; and y-yet 'tis xDD a ^.^ miwkmaid; yet 'tis *sweats* nyot a maid, f-fow +s-she hath had gossips; yet 'tis a maid, *moans* fow s-she is hew mastew's +maid and sewves fow ;;w;; wages. She hath mowe *giggles shyly* quawities than a-a +watew-spanyiew- which is much in a bawe Chwistian. Hewe is the +cate-wog x3 [Puwwing out a papew] of h-hew condition. '-'Inpwimis: S-She +can fetch and cawwy.' Why, a howse can do nyo :3 mowe; nyay, *giggles shyly* a howse +cannyot fetch, but onwy cawwy; thewefowe is she bettew than a +*cuddles you* jade. 'Item: She can miwk.' Wook you, a ;;w;; sweet viwtue in a-a m-maid +with cwean ^w^ hands. + +Entew *cries* SPEED + +SPEED. xDD How nyow, Signyiow Waunce! *cuddles you* What nyews with youw mastewship? +W-WAUNCE. With my m-mastew's ship? Why, i-it is at sea. +SPEED. Weww, youw o-owd vice stiww: *notices bulge* mistake the w-wowd. What nyews, +then, in youw papew? +WAUNCE. The b-bwack'st nyews that e-evew thou heawd'st. +SPEED. W-Why, man? how bwack? +WAUNCE. Why, as bwack as ink. +SPEED. Wet me wead them. +>_< WAUNCE. Fie *giggles shyly* on t-thee, jowt-head; thou canst nyot wead. +SPEED. Thou wiest; I can. +WAUNCE. I wiww twy thee. Teww me *hugs tightly* this: W-Who begot thee? +SPEED. Mawwy, the son of my gwandfathew. +WAUNCE. O iwwitewate woitewew. It w-was the son of thy gwandmothew. +This pwoves that thou canst *looks away* nyot wead. +SPEED. Come, foow, come; twy me i-in thy OwO papew. +WAUNCE. [Handing ovew t-the papew] Thewe; a-and Saint Nyichowas be thy +speed. +SPEED. [Weads] '-'Inpwimis: She *screams* can m-miwk.' +WAUNCE. Ay, that she can. +SPEED. 'Item: She bwews good awe.' +WAUNCE. And theweof comes *leans over* the pwovewb: Bwessing of youw heawt, you +bwew good awe. +SPEED. 'Item: S-She can sew.' +*teleports behind you* WAUNCE. That's *blushes* as much as to say 'Can she so?' +SPEED. 'Item: She can knyit.' +WAUNCE. What nyeed *hugs tightly* a man cawe fow a stock with a-a w-wench, when she can +knyit *twerks* him a *twerks* stock. +SPEED. ^.^ 'Item: S-She can *giggles shyly* wash and scouw.' +WAUNCE. A speciaw v-viwtue; fow then she *leans over* nyeed nyot be wash'd and +scouw'd. +SPEED. 'Item: She can spin.' +WAUNCE. Then may I *pokes you* set the wowwd on wheews, when she can *notices bulge* spin f-fow +h-hew *screams* wiving. +SPEED. 'Item: She hath many nyamewess OwO viwtues.' +WAUNCE. That's as much as t-to say 'bastawd viwtues'; that indeed +*sweats* knyow *screams* nyot theiw fathews, and thewefowe have nyo xDD nyames. +SPEED. 'Hewe *sweats* fowwow hew vices.' +*looks away* WAUNCE. Cwose at the heews of hew v-viwtues. +SPEED. 'Item: S-She i-is nyot to be kiss'd x3 fasting, in *sighs* wespect of hew +bweath.' +WAUNCE. Weww, t-that fauwt may be mended w-with a bweakfast. +Wead o-on. +SPEED. '-'Item: She hath a sweet mouth.' +WAUNCE. That makes amends fow hew souw bweath. +SPEED. 'Item: She xDD doth tawk in hew s-sweep.' +WAUNCE. It's nyo mattew f-fow that, so she sweep nyot in hew *sighs* tawk. +SPEED. 'Item: She is swow in wowds.' +*moans* WAUNCE. O viwwain, that set this down among h-hew >_< vices! To be swow +in *cuddles you* wowds *shuffles closer* is a *moans* woman's OwO onwy viwtue. I *giggles shyly* pway thee, *sweats* out with't; and +p-pwace it fow hew chief viwtue. +SPEED. '-'Item: She is pwoud.' +WAUNCE. *cries* Out with that too; it was ^w^ Eve's wegacy, and cannyot be ta'en +fwom *giggles shyly* hew. +SPEED. 'Item: She hath nyo teeth.' +WAUNCE. I-I cawe nyot fow that nyeithew, *giggles shyly* because I wove c-cwusts. +SPEED. 'Item: UwU She is cuwst.' +WAUNCE. Weww, t-the best is, she hath nyo teeth to b-bite. +SPEED. 'Item: She *twerks* wiww often pwaise hew wiquow.' +WAUNCE. If hew wiquow b-be good, she shaww; if she wiww nyot, I wiww; +f-fow good things shouwd be pwaised. +SPEED. 'Item: She is too wibewaw.' +WAUNCE. Of h-hew tongue she cannyot, fow that's wwit down she is swow +of; of xDD hew puwse she shaww nyot, f-fow t-that ;;w;; I'ww keep shut. Nyow of +a-anyothew thing she may, and that cannyot I hewp. :33 Weww, pwoceed. +SPEED. 'Item: She hath mowe haiw than *looks away* wit, and mowe fauwts +OwO than haiws, and m-mowe weawth than fauwts.' +W-WAUNCE. Stop thewe; I'ww have hew; she was minye, and nyot minye, +t-twice ow thwice in that wast awticwe. Weheawse t-that once mowe. +SPEED. '-'Item: She hath *twerks* mowe haiw than wit'- +WAUNCE. Mowe *pokes you* haiw than wit. >w< It may be; I'ww OwO pwove it: *blushes* the *teleports behind you* covew of +the sawt hides the ;;w;; sawt, and thewefowe it is m-mowe than the sawt; +>_< the haiw that covews the wit :3 is mowe than t-the wit, fow the +g-gweatew hides the wess. What's n-nyext? +*leans over* SPEED. 'And mowe fauwts than haiws'- +W-WAUNCE. That's monstwous. O that that wewe out! +SPEED. 'And OwO mowe w-weawth than f-fauwts.' +WAUNCE. W-Why, *hugs tightly* that wowd makes the f-fauwts gwacious. Weww, I'ww have +hew; an if it be a match, as nyothing is impossibwe- +SPEED. What t-then? +WAUNCE. *looks at you* Why, then wiww I teww thee- ^w^ that thy mastew stays fow thee +at the Nyowthgate. +SPEED. *sighs* Fow m-me? +WAUNCE. Fow thee! ay, *sighs* who awt t-thou? He ;;w;; hath *teleports behind you* stay'd fow *teleports behind you* a bettew man +than thee. +SPEED. And must I-I >_< go to him? +WAUNCE. T-Thou ^w^ must x3 wun to him, fow *screams* thou hast stay'd so wong t-that +going w-wiww UwU scawce *teleports behind you* sewve the tuwn. +SPEED. W-Why didst nyot teww me *hugs tightly* soonyew? Pox of youw wove wettews! +Exit +WAUNCE. Nyow wiww he b-be swing'd fow weading my w-wettew. A-An unmannyewwy +swave *moans* that wiww thwust h-himsewf into secwets! uWu I'ww a-aftew, to +wejoice >_> in the b-boy's cowwection. Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Miwan. The DUKE'S pawace + +Entew *sighs* DUKE and THUWIO + +DUKE. xDD Siw Thuwio, feaw nyot but that s-she wiww wove you +Nyow Vawentinye is banyish'd fwom hew sight. +THUWIO. Since his exiwe she hath *looks away* despis'd me most, +Fowswown my *cries* company a-and waiw'd at me, +That I *screams* am d-despewate of obtainying hew. +D-DUKE. :33 This weak impwess of wove is as a figuwe +Twenched *screams* in *teleports behind you* ice, which with *giggles shyly* an houw's heat +Dissowves to *screams* watew and doth wose his fowm. +A wittwe time wiww m-mewt hew fwozen thoughts, +And x3 wowthwess Vawentinye shaww be fowgot. + +Entew PWOTEUS + +H-How nyow, Siw Pwoteus! Is youw *looks at you* countwyman, +Accowding *pokes you* to ouw pwocwamation, gonye? +PWOTEUS. Gonye, my g-good w-wowd. +DUKE. My d-daughtew *sighs* takes his going gwievouswy. +PWOTEUS. A *pokes you* wittwe *cries* time, my w-wowd, wiww k-kiww that *screams* gwief. +DUKE. So I bewieve; b-but Thuwio thinks n-nyot s-so. +P-Pwoteus, the good conceit I *giggles shyly* howd o-of thee- +Fow thou hast shown *sweats* some sign of good desewt- +Makes me *looks away* the *leans over* bettew *notices bulge* to confew *giggles shyly* with thee. +PWOTEUS. Wongew than I pwove woyaw to youw Gwace +Wet m-me nyot wive *looks away* to *cries* wook upon youw *giggles shyly* Gwace. +DUKE. ;;w;; Thou knyow'st how wiwwingwy I *cries* wouwd effect +The *sweats* match ^w^ between Siw *pokes you* Thuwio and m-my daughtew. +*notices bulge* PWOTEUS. I do, my *shuffles closer* wowd. +DUKE. And awso, I think, thou awt n-nyot i-ignyowant +*hugs tightly* How she *teleports behind you* opposes hew against my wiww. +PWOTEUS. S-She did, my w-wowd, when *moans* Vawentinye :33 was h-hewe. +DUKE. Ay, :3 and pewvewsewy she p-pewsevews so. +What might w-we d-do to make the giww fowget +The wove of Vawentinye, *hugs tightly* and wove *moans* Siw Thuwio? +PWOTEUS. T-The best way is to swandew Vawentinye +With fawsehood, cowawdice, OwO and *pokes you* poow ^w^ descent- +Thwee things that women highwy howd in hate. +DUKE. Ay, b-but she'ww think that it is spoke in hate. +PWOTEUS. Ay, if his enyemy dewivew i-it; +Thewefowe it must with ciwcumstance be :33 spoken +B-By x3 onye whom she esteemeth a-as his fwiend. +DUKE. Then *screams* you m-must undewtake to s-swandew him. +PWOTEUS. And that, my wowd, *screams* I s-shaww be woath to do: +uWu 'Tis a-an iww office fow a-a gentweman, +Especiawwy against his vewy fwiend. +DUKE. Whewe youw *hugs tightly* good w-wowd cannyot advantage him, +Youw swandew nyevew can endamage him; +Thewefowe the office is indiffewent, +Being entweated to it by youw fwiend. +PWOTEUS. You h-have pwevaiw'd, my wowd; if I-I can do it +By aught t-that ;;w;; I can speak in xDD his *cries* dispwaise, +She shaww nyot wong UwU continyue wove to h-him. +But say this weed *looks away* hew wove xDD fwom Vawentinye, +It fowwows nyot that s-she wiww wove S-Siw *notices bulge* Thuwio. +THUWIO. Thewefowe, a-as you unwind >_< hew *screams* wove fwom him, +^.^ West it shouwd wavew and be good *moans* to nyonye, +You must pwovide to bottom it on me; +Which m-must be donye UwU by pwaising me as much +A-As you in wowth dispwaise S-Siw Vawentinye. +DUKE. And, Pwoteus, we *looks at you* dawe twust you in this kind, +*screams* Because we *leans over* knyow, on Vawentinye's wepowt, +You awe awweady Wove's fiwm v-votawy +And cannyot *hugs tightly* soon *looks away* wevowt and change y-youw m-mind. +*looks away* Upon *notices bulge* this wawwant shaww you have access +Whewe you with Siwvia may confew at wawge- +Fow she i-is wumpish, heavy, mewanchowy, +And, fow youw fwiend's *notices bulge* sake, wiww *shuffles closer* be g-gwad of you- +Whewe you may tempew hew b-by *giggles shyly* youw p-pewsuasion +To hate y-young Vawentinye and wove m-my :3 fwiend. +PWOTEUS. As much as ^.^ I can *teleports behind you* do I wiww effect. +But y-you, Siw T-Thuwio, awe nyot s-shawp enyough; +You must way wime to tangwe h-hew desiwes +*sweats* By waiwfuw sonnyets, w-whose composed whymes +Shouwd be f-fuww-fwaught with sewviceabwe vows. +DUKE. Ay, +Much is the fowce of heaven-bwed p-poesy. +;;w;; PWOTEUS. S-Say that upon the a-awtaw of hew beauty +You sacwifice y-youw teaws, youw sighs, youw heawt; +Wwite tiww youw ink be dwy, OwO and with youw teaws +*cuddles you* Moist i-it *sweats* again, a-and fwame s-some feewing winye +That may discovew such integwity; +Fow Owpheus' wute was s-stwung w-with *leans over* poets' sinyews, +Whose gowden touch couwd soften steew and stonyes, +Make tigews t-tame, and huge >w< weviathans +Fowsake unsounded deeps *cuddles you* to dance on xDD sands. +Aftew youw diwe-wamenting ewegies, +Visit by nyight youw wady's chambew window +With s-some s-sweet c-consowt; to theiw instwuments +Tunye a depwowing dump- the nyight's dead siwence +Wiww weww become such sweet-compwainying gwievance. +This, ow e-ewse nyothing, wiww inhewit OwO hew. +DUKE. This *notices bulge* discipwinye s-shows thou hast been in wove. +THUWIO. And thy advice *teleports behind you* this *giggles shyly* nyight I'ww put in pwactice; +Thewefowe, sweet Pwoteus, my diwection-givew, +Wet us into the city pwesentwy +T-To sowt some gentwemen weww skiww'd in music. +I-I *looks away* have a s-sonnyet that wiww s-sewve the tuwn +To *screams* give *screams* the onset to thy good advice. +DUKE. About *sweats* it, gentwemen! +PWOTEUS. :3 We'ww wait upon youw Gwace tiww aftew suppew, +And aftewwawd detewminye ouw pwoceedings. +DUKE. E-Even *sweats* nyow a-about it! I-I wiww pawdon y-you. E-Exeunt + + + + +ACT_4|SC_1 +<w< OF W-WIWWIAM +^-^ SHAKESPEAWE IS COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY PWOJECT GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF *cries* IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +W-WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND *pokes you* MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND *teleports behind you* (2) AWE ^w^ NyOT *blushes* DISTWIBUTED OW >_< USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +*sweats* SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME O-OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT IV. SCENyE I. +The ^-^ fwontiews of Mantua. A-A fowest + +E-Entew cewtain *hugs tightly* OUTWAWS + +*shuffles closer* FIWST OUTWAW. Fewwows, *screams* stand fast; I see a *giggles shyly* passengew. +SECOND OUTWAW. If thewe be *looks at you* ten, shwink nyot, *sweats* but down w-with 'em. + +Entew VAWENTINyE and SPEED + +*leans over* THIWD OUTWAW. Stand, siw, and thwow us that you have OwO about *blushes* ye; +If nyot, we'ww make you s-sit, and wifwe you. +SPEED. Siw, we awe u-undonye; *teleports behind you* these awe the viwwains +OwO That aww the twavewwews *blushes* do feaw so much. +VAWENTINyE. My fwiends- +FIWST OUTWAW. That's nyot s-so, siw; we awe youw enyemies. +SECOND OUTWAW. Peace! we'ww heaw him. +THIWD OUTWAW. Ay, by my beawd, w-wiww we; fow he is a >w< pwopew m-man. +VAWENTINyE. Then knyow that I have x3 wittwe weawth to wose; +A man I am *screams* cwoss'd with advewsity; +My wiches awe these poow *hugs tightly* habiwiments, +Of w-which if you shouwd hewe disfuwnyish me, +You >w< take *giggles shyly* the sum and substance that I >_< have. +SECOND >w< OUTWAW. Whithew twavew you? +VAWENTINyE. To Vewonya. +FIWST O-OUTWAW. Whence ;;w;; came you? +VAWENTINyE. Fwom Miwan. +THIWD OUTWAW. Have you wong sojouwn'd thewe? +VAWENTINyE. Some sixteen months, and wongew *looks at you* might have s-stay'd, +If cwooked fowtunye h-had nyot thwawted m-me. +FIWST OUTWAW. W-What, wewe you banyish'd thence? +*sweats* VAWENTINyE. I w-was. +SECOND OUTWAW. Fow *looks at you* what offence? +VAWENTINyE. Fow that which *notices bulge* nyow t-towments me to weheawse: +I k-kiww'd a m-man, *hugs tightly* whose d-death I m-much wepent; +B-But yet ^.^ I s-swew him manfuwwy in fight, +W-Without fawse vantage ow base tweachewy. +FIWST OUTWAW. Why, nye'ew wepent *moans* it, if it wewe donye x3 so. +B-But wewe you >w< banyish'd fow so smaww a fauwt? +>w< VAWENTINyE. I was, and hewd *screams* me *cries* gwad of such a doom. +*twerks* SECOND OUTWAW. Have you the tongues? +VAWENTINyE. My youthfuw twavew thewein made *giggles shyly* me happy, +Ow e-ewse I often had been misewabwe. +THIWD OUTWAW. By the bawe scawp ^w^ of Wobin Hood's fat fwiaw, +*shuffles closer* This fewwow wewe a king *leans over* fow ouw :3 wiwd faction! +FIWST OUTWAW. We'ww have him. Siws, a w-wowd. +SPEED. Mastew, be onye of t-them; it's *leans over* an honyouwabwe kind *sweats* of thievewy. +VAWENTINyE. P-Peace, *screams* viwwain! +SECOND OUTWAW. Teww us this: have you a-anything to take x3 to? +*leans over* VAWENTINyE. Nyothing but >_> my *looks at you* fowtunye. +THIWD OUTWAW. Knyow, then, UwU that some of us awe gentwemen, +Such *looks at you* as *cuddles you* the fuwy of ungovewn'd youth +Thwust fwom the company of awfuw m-men; +Mysewf was fwom Vewonya banyished +Fow pwactising *sighs* to ^-^ steaw away a OwO wady, +An heiw, a-and nyeaw awwied unto >_> the *cuddles you* Duke. +SECOND OUTWAW. And I fwom Mantua, fow a *screams* gentweman +*sighs* Who, in my mood, I stabb'd unto the heawt. +FIWST O-OUTWAW. And I f-fow s-such-wike petty cwimes as these. +But to *moans* the puwpose- fow w-we cite ouw fauwts +That they may howd e-excus'd ouw wawwess wives; +And, pawtwy, seeing you awe beautified +With goodwy shape, and by y-youw own w-wepowt +A w-winguist, and a man of such p-pewfection +*notices bulge* As we do in ouw quawity much want- +SECOND OUTWAW. Indeed, because >_> you awe a-a banyish'd man, +Thewefowe, above the west, we pawwey t-to ^w^ you. +Awe you ^-^ content to be ouw genyewaw- +>w< To make a-a viwtue of nyecessity, +*notices bulge* And wive as we do in this :3 wiwdewnyess? +THIWD *looks at you* OUTWAW. What *giggles shyly* say'st thou? Wiwt t-thou be of ouw consowt? +Say 'ay' and be *notices bulge* the *moans* captain of us a-aww. +We'ww xDD do thee homage, and be wuw'd by thee, +Wove thee as ouw commandew and ouw *twerks* king. +FIWST OUTWAW. But *screams* if thou scown ouw *pokes you* couwtesy thou diest. +SECOND OUTWAW. Thou shawt nyot wive *looks away* to bwag w-what *cuddles you* we have o-offew'd. +*looks away* VAWENTINyE. I take youw offew, and wiww w-wive with you, +Pwovided that you do nyo outwages +On siwwy women >_< ow poow passengews. +THIWD OUTWAW. Nyo, we detest such viwe base ^.^ pwactices. +Come, go with us; we'ww bwing t-thee UwU to ouw cwews, +And show thee aww *looks away* the tweasuwe we h-have got; +*hugs tightly* Which, with ouwsewves, aww west at thy dispose. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Miwan. Outside the DUKE'S pawace, *moans* undew SIWVIA'S ;;w;; window + +Entew PWOTEUS + +PWOTEUS. Awweady have uWu I been fawse to Vawentinye, +And nyow I must be as unjust to Thuwio. +Undew t-the cowouw *cries* of commending him +I *pokes you* have access my uWu own wove to p-pwefew; +But *blushes* Siwvia i-is too :3 faiw, *twerks* too twue, t-too howy, +To be cowwupted w-with my wowthwess *twerks* gifts. +When I pwotest twue woyawty to hew, +She twits me *leans over* with my fawsehood ^w^ to my fwiend; +>w< When to hew *looks away* beauty I c-commend my vows, +She bids me think how I have been fowswown +*looks away* In bweaking faith with Juwia *cuddles you* whom I wov'd; +And nyotwithstanding aww hew sudden quips, +The weast wheweof >_> wouwd queww a wovew's hope, +Yet, spanyiew-wike, the mowe ^-^ she spuwns my *giggles shyly* wove +The mowe it gwows and fawnyeth on hew s-stiww. + +;;w;; Entew :3 THUWIO *giggles shyly* and MUSICIANS + +But hewe comes Thuwio. Nyow must we to hew window, +And give some uWu evenying music to hew eaw. +THUWIO. *twerks* How nyow, >w< Siw Pwoteus, awe you cwept befowe u-us? +PWOTEUS. Ay, gentwe Thuwio; fow you ^-^ knyow that *moans* wove +Wiww cweep *pokes you* in sewvice whewe it cannyot *blushes* go. +THUWIO. Ay, *giggles shyly* but I hope, siw, *looks at you* that you wove nyot hewe. +PWOTEUS. Siw, but I do; ow e-ewse I wouwd be hence. +THUWIO. Who? S-Siwvia? +PWOTEUS. A-Ay, Siwvia- fow youw sake. +THUWIO. I *cries* thank you fow ^.^ youw own. Nyow, *sweats* gentwemen, +Wet's tunye, and to it wustiwy awhiwe. + +Entew at a-a distance, HOST, and JUWIA in b-boy's cwothes + +HOST. Nyow, my *cuddles you* young guest, methinks you'we awwychowwy; *screams* I pway you, +why is it? +JUWIA. *teleports behind you* Mawwy, minye ^-^ host, because I ^w^ cannyot b-be mewwy. +HOST. :33 Come, we'ww have you mewwy; I'ww b-bwing you *cries* whewe you shaww +heaw m-music, *sighs* and see the g-gentweman that you ask'd fow. +JUWIA. But s-shaww I-I >_> heaw him speak? +*cries* HOST. Ay, that you shaww. [Music pways] +JUWIA. T-That wiww b-be music. +HOST. Hawk, *moans* hawk! +JUWIA. Is he among these? +HOST. Ay; but peace! wet's heaw 'em. + +SONG +Who is Siwvia? What is x3 she, +That aww *sighs* ouw >_< swains commend hew? +Howy, *cries* faiw, and wise is she; +The heaven such *twerks* gwace did *sighs* wend hew, +That s-she *screams* might uWu admiwed be. + +Is she kind as she is faiw? +Fow beauty wives with kindnyess. +Wove doth to hew eyes w-wepaiw, +To hewp him of his bwindnyess; +And, being hewp'd, inhabits thewe. + +Then t-to Siwvia xDD wet us sing +That *looks away* Siwvia is excewwing; +She excews each mowtaw thing +Upon the duww eawth *cries* dwewwing. +'To hew wet us gawwands bwing. + +*twerks* HOST. How nyow, awe you *blushes* saddew than you *screams* wewe befowe? +How do you, man? The >_> music wikes you nyot. +JUWIA. You mistake; the *cries* musician ^-^ wikes me nyot. +HOST. Why, my pwetty :3 youth? +*shuffles closer* JUWIA. He pways fawse, fathew. +*screams* HOST. How, out *sweats* of tunye on the stwings? +JUWIA. Nyot so; ;;w;; but yet so fawse that he gwieves m-my vewy +heawt-stwings. +HOST. You uWu have a x3 quick eaw. +JUWIA. Ay, :33 I wouwd I wewe deaf; it makes me have a swow *giggles shyly* heawt. +HOST. I pewceive you *looks at you* dewight nyot in music. +JUWIA. Nyot a whit, when i-it jaws s-so. +HOST. *shuffles closer* Hawk, w-what finye c-change is in the music! +JUWIA. Ay, *giggles shyly* that *cries* change OwO is the OwO spite. +HOST. *leans over* You wouwd have them awways pway uWu but onye thing? +J-JUWIA. I w-wouwd awways have onye pway but o-onye thing. +But, Host, doth t-this ^.^ Siw Pwoteus, that we tawk on, +Often wesowt unto t-this gentwewoman? +HOST. I-I teww you w-what Waunce, his m-man, towd *looks away* me: *cries* he wov'd hew out *sweats* of +aww n-nyick. +JUWIA. Whewe is Waunce? +HOST. Gonye to seek his dog, w-which to-mowwow, by his mastew's +command, h-he must c-cawwy fow a-a pwesent to his wady. +JUWIA. Peace, stand aside; the company pawts. +PWOTEUS. Siw Thuwio, feaw nyot you; I wiww ;;w;; so pwead +That you shaww s-say my cunnying d-dwift excews. +^-^ THUWIO. Whewe m-meet we? +PWOTEUS. xDD At Saint Gwegowy's weww. +THUWIO. Faweweww. Exeunt THUWIO and MUSICIANS + +^-^ Entew S-SIWVIA a-above, *looks at you* at hew w-window + +PWOTEUS. Madam, good ev'n >w< to *cries* youw *hugs tightly* wadyship. +*leans over* SIWVIA. I thank you fow youw music, gentwemen. +Who is that that spake? +PWOTEUS. Onye, wady, if you knyew his puwe h-heawt's ^w^ twuth, +Y-You wouwd quickwy weawn to ;;w;; knyow him by his voice. +SIWVIA. Siw *notices bulge* Pwoteus, as I take it. +PWOTEUS. Siw Pwoteus, gentwe wady, and youw ;;w;; sewvant. +SIWVIA. What's youw wiww? +PWOTEUS. That I may compass uWu youws. +SIWVIA. You have y-youw wish; *sweats* my wiww i-is even this, +That pwesentwy you hie you home to bed. +Thou s-subtwe, p-pewjuw'd, fawse, diswoyaw man, +Think'st thou I am so shawwow, so conceitwess, +To b-be seduced b-by thy fwattewy +That hast d-deceiv'd so many with thy vows? +Wetuwn, wetuwn, and >_> make thy wove amends. +F-Fow me, by this pawe queen of nyight I ^-^ sweaw, +I am so faw fwom gwanting thy wequest +That I despise thee *sighs* fow thy wwongfuw suit, +And by and by *looks away* intend to chide mysewf +E-Even fow this time I spend in tawking to thee. +P-PWOTEUS. *sighs* I gwant, sweet wove, t-that I did wove a wady; +B-But OwO she i-is dead. +JUWIA. [Aside] 'Twewe fawse, if I shouwd speak it; +Fow I-I a-am suwe *teleports behind you* she >w< is nyot buwied. +>_> SIWVIA. Say that :3 she be; yet Vawentinye, thy fwiend, +Suwvives, to whom, t-thysewf awt witnyess, +I am betwoth'd; and *sweats* awt thou nyot asham'd +To wwong him with thy impowtunyacy? +PWOTEUS. I wikewise heaw t-that Vawentinye xDD is dead. +SIWVIA. A-And so suppose am I; fow in his ^.^ gwave +Assuwe x3 thysewf my wove is buwied. +PWOTEUS. S-Sweet wady, wet me wake it *shuffles closer* fwom *hugs tightly* the >_< eawth. +SIWVIA. Go *shuffles closer* to thy wady's gwave, *giggles shyly* and c-caww hews thence; +O-Ow, *pokes you* at the weast, in hews sepuwchwe *leans over* thinye. +JUWIA. [Aside] He heawd n-nyot xDD that. +PWOTEUS. Madam, if youw heawt be s-so o-obduwate, +Vouchsafe *moans* me *shuffles closer* yet *cuddles you* youw UwU pictuwe fow my wove, +T-The *blushes* pictuwe t-that is hanging in youw chambew; +To that I'ww speak, *looks at you* to that I'ww OwO sigh and weep; +Fow, since *sighs* the substance of youw pewfect sewf +*hugs tightly* Is ewse d-devoted, *leans over* I *looks away* am >w< but a shadow; +And to youw shadow wiww I ;;w;; make twue *cries* wove. +JUWIA. [Aside] If 'twewe a substance, y-you *giggles shyly* wouwd, suwe, d-deceive it +x3 And make it but a shadow, as I am. +SIWVIA. I am vewy woath t-to *notices bulge* be youw idow, siw; +But *screams* since youw fawsehood shaww become you weww +To wowship shadows and adowe fawse shapes, +Send to me in t-the mownying, a-and I'ww send it; +And so, good west. +PWOTEUS. As wwetches h-have o-o'ewnyight +That w-wait *blushes* fow execution in UwU the mown. +*cuddles you* Exeunt PWOTEUS and SIWVIA +JUWIA. *teleports behind you* Host, w-wiww you go? +HOST. *cuddles you* By my :33 hawidom, I was fast a-asweep. +JUWIA. Pway you, whewe wies Siw Pwoteus? +HOST. Mawwy, at my h-house. Twust me, I think 'tis awmost day. +JUWIA. Nyot s-so; but it *sighs* hath b-been the *leans over* wongest nyight +That e'ew I-I watch'd, and the most *moans* heaviest. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +*looks at you* Undew *cries* SIWVIA'S w-window + +Entew ;;w;; EGWAMOUW + +*hugs tightly* EGWAMOUW. This is the houw that Madam Siwvia +Entweated me to caww and knyow hew mind; +Thewe's OwO some gweat mattew she'd empwoy me i-in. +Madam, xDD madam! + +Entew SIWVIA above, at hew window + +SIWVIA. Who cawws? +EGWAMOUW. Youw sewvant and *notices bulge* youw f-fwiend; +Onye >_< that attends youw wadyship's command. +SIWVIA. Siw Egwamouw, a thousand times good mowwow! +E-EGWAMOUW. As many, wowthy wady, to youwsewf! +Accowding to youw wadyship's impose, +;;w;; I am uWu thus eawwy c-come to k-knyow xDD what sewvice +It is youw *looks at you* pweasuwe to command me in. +SIWVIA. O Egwamouw, t-thou awt a gentweman- +Think nyot I fwattew, f-fow I s-sweaw *looks away* I *sighs* do nyot- +V-Vawiant, wise, w-wemowsefuw, weww accompwish'd. +*leans over* Thou a-awt nyot ignyowant what deaw good *looks at you* wiww +I beaw >w< unto the xDD banyish'd Vawentinye; +Nyow how my fathew wouwd enfowce me mawwy +Vain Thuwio, w-whom my vewy souw abhows. +Thysewf hast *cuddles you* wov'd; and I h-have h-heawd thee say +Nyo gwief did evew c-come so nyeaw thy heawt +As w-when t-thy wady and thy uWu twue wove :33 died, +Upon whose gwave thou vow'dst puwe chastity. +*giggles shyly* Siw Egwamouw, I wouwd to V-Vawentinye, +To Mantua, whewe I heaw he *cries* makes abode; +*looks away* And, fow OwO the ways awe dangewous t-to pass, +I-I do :33 desiwe thy *shuffles closer* wowthy uWu company, +Upon whose faith and honyouw *cuddles you* I *screams* wepose. +U-Uwge nyot m-my fathew's angew, Egwamouw, +But think upon my gwief, a-a wady's gwief, +uWu And on the ^-^ justice o-of my *giggles shyly* fwying hence +To keep me fwom a most unhowy match, +Which heaven and fowtunye xDD stiww wewawds with pwagues. +I d-do *cries* desiwe :3 thee, e-even fwom a x3 heawt +As *hugs tightly* fuww of *moans* sowwows *leans over* as the *cuddles you* sea of sands, +*cuddles you* To b-beaw *notices bulge* me company and go with me; +If nyot, to h-hide what I have s-said to t-thee, +That I may ventuwe to depawt awonye. +EGWAMOUW. Madam, I pity much youw gwievances; +*screams* Which since I knyow they viwtuouswy :3 awe pwac'd, +I give consent t-to x3 go awong with y-you, +Wecking as wittwe what betideth m-me +*cuddles you* As much *moans* I wish *hugs tightly* aww good befowtunye you. +When wiww you *cuddles you* go? +SIWVIA. This evenying *cuddles you* coming. +EGWAMOUW. W-Whewe shaww I m-meet you? +SIWVIA. At Fwiaw Patwick's UwU ceww, +Whewe I intend h-howy confession. +EGWAMOUW. I wiww nyot faiw youw wadyship. Good mowwow, gentwe wady. +S-SIWVIA. Good mowwow, kind Siw Egwamouw. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE I-IV. +Undew SIWVIA'S Window + +Entew WAUNCE with his dog + +OwO WAUNCE. W-When a xDD man's ;;w;; sewvant shaww pway the cuw with ^.^ him, *hugs tightly* wook you, +it *sweats* goes hawd- o-onye that I bwought up o-of a puppy; onye t-that I sav'd +fwom dwownying, w-when thwee o-ow fouw o-of his bwind bwothews and +*giggles shyly* sistews went to it. I h-have taught him, *shuffles closer* even *notices bulge* as *sweats* onye wouwd say +p-pwecisewy 'Thus I wouwd teach a dog.' I *twerks* was sent *looks at you* to dewivew him +as a pwesent to >w< Mistwess *blushes* Siwvia fwom my mastew; and I came nyo +soonyew i-into the dinying-chambew, but he steps me to *cuddles you* hew twenchew +and s-steaws hew capon's weg. >w< O, 'tis a-a fouw thing when a cuw +cannyot k-keep himsewf *leans over* in aww companyies! I wouwd have, as onye shouwd +say, onye that takes upon *blushes* him to be a dog indeed, to *twerks* be, as it +wewe, a dog at *cries* aww uWu things. If >_> I h-had *pokes you* nyot *sweats* had mowe wit than he, to +take a fauwt upon m-me that he *teleports behind you* did, I think *cuddles you* vewiwy he ^.^ had been +hang'd f-fow't; suwe >_> as I w-wive, he had s-suffew'd fow't. You shaww +judge. He thwusts m-me himsewf i-into the company o-of thwee ow fouw +gentweman-wike dogs undew the Duke's tabwe; he had nyot been +uWu thewe, bwess the mawk, *twerks* a *hugs tightly* pissing *shuffles closer* whiwe ^w^ but aww the c-chambew s-smewt +him. 'Out with the d-dog' says onye; 'What cuw is that?' says +*teleports behind you* anyothew; 'Whip him out' s-says the thiwd; 'Hang h-him up' *sweats* says the +D-Duke. UwU I, having been acquainted with the smeww befowe, knyew it +was Cwab, and goes m-me to the *leans over* fewwow that :33 whips the dogs. +'Fwiend,' quoth I *hugs tightly* 'you mean to whip t-the d-dog.' 'Ay, mawwy do I' +quoth >_> he. 'You do him the mowe wwong,' quoth I-I; "twas I did the +thing y-you wot of.' He makes me nyo mowe ado, but w-whips me out of +the *looks away* chambew. How m-many mastews wouwd do this fow his sewvant? Nyay, +I'ww be swown, I have *blushes* sat in t-the *pokes you* stock fow puddings h-he hath +stow'n, othewwise he had been executed; I-I have s-stood on the +piwwowy fow geese he hath uWu kiww'd, othewwise he had suffew'd +fow't. *leans over* Thou t-think'st nyot of this nyow. ;;w;; Nyay, I wemembew t-the twick +you sewv'd *cuddles you* me when I took xDD my weave of Madam Siwvia. Did nyot I bid +thee stiww mawk me and do *notices bulge* as I do? When didst thou see me heave +up *blushes* my *cuddles you* weg and make watew against a *hugs tightly* gentwewoman's fawthingawe? +D-Didst thou evew see me do such a twick? + +Entew P-PWOTEUS, and JUWIA in boy's OwO cwothes + +*cuddles you* PWOTEUS. Sebastian is thy nyame? *cuddles you* I *shuffles closer* wike thee weww, +And wiww :3 empwoy thee in some sewvice pwesentwy. +*screams* JUWIA. In what you pwease; I'ww do what I can. +PWOTEUS..I hope thou wiwt. *looks away* [To WAUNCE] How nyow, you whoweson +*screams* peasant! +Whewe have you been *twerks* these two days woitewing? +WAUNCE. Mawwy, x3 siw, I cawwied Mistwess Siwvia the dog you bade me. +PWOTEUS. And *giggles shyly* what s-says she to my wittwe jewew? +WAUNCE. *sighs* Mawwy, she s-says youw dog was a cuw, and tewws *sweats* you cuwwish +thanks *looks away* is good enyough fow *sighs* such a pwesent. +PWOTEUS. But s-she weceiv'd my dog? +WAUNCE. Nyo, indeed, did she nyot; hewe have I bwought him back +a-again. +PWOTEUS. What, didst thou offew hew this fwom me? +WAUNCE. Ay, siw; the *screams* othew squiwwew was stow'n *teleports behind you* fwom me by the +*shuffles closer* hangman's boys i-in the mawket-pwace; and *twerks* then I offew'd hew minye +own, who i-is a dog :3 as b-big as t-ten of *sweats* youws, and thewefowe the gift +the gweatew. +>_> PWOTEUS. G-Go, get thee hence and find my dog a-again, +Ow nye'ew w-wetuwn again into my sight. +Away, I say. Stayest thou to vex me h-hewe? Exit WAUNCE +A swave :3 that stiww an end tuwns me to shame! +Sebastian, I have entewtainyed thee +Pawtwy that I have nyeed of such a youth +That c-can with some discwetion do *shuffles closer* my b-businyess, +Fow 'tis nyo twusting :33 to yond foowish wout, +But chiefwy fow thy face and thy *notices bulge* behaviouw, +Which, if *looks away* my a-auguwy deceive me nyot, +Witnyess good bwinging *looks at you* up, fowtunye, and t-twuth; +Thewefowe, knyow *looks away* thou, fow t-this I *cuddles you* entewtain thee. +Go pwesentwy, and take this wing w-with thee, +Dewivew *sweats* it to Madam Siwvia- +She wov'd *cries* me weww *giggles shyly* dewivew'd i-it to m-me. +JUWIA. It seems *moans* you wov'd nyot hew, to weave hew token. +She ^-^ is dead, bewike? +PWOTEUS. Nyot so; I-I think she wives. +JUWIA. Awas! +PWOTEUS. Why dost thou cwy 'Awas'? +JUWIA. I cannyot choose +But pity hew. +PWOTEUS. Whewefowe shouwdst thou pity hew? +JUWIA. *moans* Because methinks t-that she wov'd you as weww +As you d-do wove youw wady Siwvia. +She dweams >w< on him that has fowgot hew wove: +Y-You ^-^ dote on hew that cawes nyot fow youw ^w^ wove. +'Tis pity wove shouwd *hugs tightly* be so contwawy; +And *moans* thinking on it xDD makes me cwy 'Awas!' +PWOTEUS. Weww, give hew that wing, and thewewithaw +This wettew. That's hew chambew. T-Teww my wady +*pokes you* I cwaim the p-pwomise fow hew heavenwy pictuwe. +Youw m-message donye, hie home unto my chambew, +Whewe thou shawt find me sad and sowitawy. Exit :3 PWOTEUS +JUWIA. How *blushes* many women *cries* wouwd do such a message? +Awas, poow Pwoteus, thou hast entewtain'd +A fox to be the shephewd of thy wambs. +*giggles shyly* Awas, *notices bulge* poow foow, why d-do I pity him +That with his vewy heawt despiseth me? +B-Because >_> he woves hew, he despiseth me; +Because I wove :3 him, I ^.^ must pity him. +This wing I gave him, when ^w^ he p-pawted fwom me, +To bind him t-to wemembew my good wiww; +And nyow am I, ^-^ unhappy messengew, +To *screams* pwead fow that which UwU I wouwd *notices bulge* nyot obtain, +To cawwy that which I w-wouwd have wefus'd, +T-To pwaise his faith, w-which I wouwd have dispwais'd. +*blushes* I am *cuddles you* my mastew's t-twue c-confiwmed wove, +*looks at you* But cannyot be t-twue sewvant to my mastew +Unwess I pwove fawse t-twaitow to m-mysewf. +Yet w-wiww I woo fow him, but yet so *giggles shyly* cowdwy +As, h-heaven it knyows, I-I *leans over* wouwd nyot have him speed. + +Entew SIWVIA, *screams* attended + +G-Gentwewoman, g-good day! I pway *giggles shyly* you be *teleports behind you* my mean +^.^ To bwing me whewe to speak with *teleports behind you* Madam Siwvia. +:33 SIWVIA. What wouwd you with hew, if that I-I be she? +OwO JUWIA. If you be s-she, I ^w^ do entweat youw p-patience +To heaw m-me speak the message I am sent on. +uWu SIWVIA. Fwom whom? +JUWIA. Fwom m-my mastew, S-Siw Pwoteus, madam. +SIWVIA. O-O, he sends you fow a pictuwe? +J-JUWIA. Ay, madam. +SIWVIA. Uwsuwa, bwing my pictuwe thewe. +Go, give youw mastew this. Teww him fwom me, +Onye Juwia, that his changing thoughts *moans* fowget, +Wouwd bettew fit his chambew *sighs* than *twerks* this shadow. +JUWIA. M-Madam, pwease you pewuse this wettew. +Pawdon me, :3 madam; I-I h-have unyadvis'd +Dewivew'd you a papew t-that *sighs* I s-shouwd *hugs tightly* nyot. +This is the wettew to youw wadyship. +SIWVIA. I *teleports behind you* pway thee wet m-me wook on that again. +J-JUWIA. It may nyot be; good madam, pawdon me. +SIWVIA. *notices bulge* Thewe, howd! +I wiww nyot wook upon youw mastew's w-winyes. +I-I k-knyow they awe stuff'd with pwotestations, +And fuww o-of nyew-found oaths, which he w-wuw bweak +A-As easiwy as I do teaw his papew. +JUWIA. Madam, he sends youw wadyship this wing. +SIWVIA. The mowe shame fow him that he sends it me; +Fow *teleports behind you* I have heawd him say a thousand uWu times +His Juwia gave it him at his d-depawtuwe. +Though his fawse *giggles shyly* fingew have pwofan'd ;;w;; the wing, +*twerks* Minye shaww n-nyot do his J-Juwia so *screams* much wwong. +JUWIA. *blushes* She thanks you. +S-SIWVIA. What say'st thou? +JUWIA. I t-thank you, madam, that you t-tendew h-hew. +Poow gentwewoman, my mastew w-wwongs hew much. +SIWVIA. Dost *screams* thou *blushes* knyow hew? +JUWIA. Awmost as weww *cries* as I d-do knyow mysewf. +To think upon hew woes, >w< I do pwotest +That I have wept a hundwed sevewaw times. +SIWVIA. *looks away* Bewike she thinks *cries* that Pwoteus hath fowsook hew. +*looks at you* JUWIA. I think she doth, a-and that's hew *cries* cause of s-sowwow. +SIWVIA. Is s-she nyot passing faiw? +JUWIA. S-She hath been faiwew, madam, than she is. +;;w;; When she :3 did think my m-mastew wov'd hew weww, +*cuddles you* She, in my j-judgment, was as faiw as you; +OwO But s-since she did nyegwect hew wooking-gwass +^-^ And t-thwew h-hew sun-expewwing mask away, +The aiw hath s-stawv'd the w-woses in hew cheeks +And pinch'd the wiwy-tinctuwe of hew face, +T-That nyow she i-is become as bwack as I. +SIWVIA. :3 How taww was s-she? +JUWIA. About my statuwe; fow *cries* at P-Pentecost, +When *screams* aww *hugs tightly* ouw p-pageants UwU of dewight wewe pway'd, +Ouw youth got me to pway the woman's pawt, +And I was twimm'd in Madam Juwia's gown; +W-Which sewved me as fit, b-by aww men's judgments, +As if the gawment had b-been made fow me; +Thewefowe I knyow she is UwU about my height. +And at that time I-I made h-hew weep a good, +*sweats* Fow I did p-pway a-a wamentabwe pawt. +Madam, 'twas Awiadnye passionying +F-Fow Theseus' p-pewjuwy and unjust fwight; +Which I ;;w;; so wivewy acted with my teaws +That my p-poow mistwess, >_> moved >_> thewewithaw, +Wept bittewwy; *notices bulge* and wouwd I might >_> be d-dead +If *shuffles closer* I in ;;w;; thought >w< fewt nyot hew *hugs tightly* vewy >_< sowwow. +SIWVIA. She is behowding t-to t-thee, g-gentwe :33 youth. +Awas, poow wady, *cuddles you* desowate a-and *leans over* weft! +UwU I weep mysewf, to *cries* think upon t-thy wowds. +*screams* Hewe, youth, thewe is ^.^ my puwse; I-I give thee this +F-Fow thy sweet >_> mistwess' sake, *twerks* because thou wov'st hew. +Faweweww. Exit SIWVIA with A-ATTENDANTS +JUWIA. A-And she shaww t-thank you fow't, if e'ew you knyow hew. +A v-viwtuous g-gentwewoman, miwd and beautifuw! +I hope my m-mastew's suit wiww be but cowd, +Since she wespects my m-mistwess' wove so much. +^w^ Awas, how wove c-can twifwe with itsewf! +>_< Hewe is *notices bulge* hew pictuwe; wet me see. I t-think, +If I had *cuddles you* such a tiwe, this face of minye +Wewe fuww as wovewy as is this *leans over* of h-hews; +And yet the paintew f-fwattew'd hew a wittwe, +Unwess I fwattew w-with mysewf too much. +Hew haiw i-is a-aubuwn, minye is pewfect yewwow; +I-If >_> that be aww the *twerks* diffewence in h-his wove, +I'ww get me s-such a cowouw'd pewiwig. +Hew eyes awe gwey as gwass, and so awe minye; +>_< Ay, but hew >_> fowehead's wow, and minye's as high. +What shouwd it be that he wespects i-in hew +*pokes you* But I *pokes you* can make wespective in mysewf, +*blushes* If *shuffles closer* this fond Wove wewe nyot >w< a bwinded god? +Come, shadow, come, and take this >_< shadow up, +Fow 'tis thy wivaw. O thou s-sensewess fowm, +Thou xDD shawt *looks at you* be wowshipp'd, kiss'd, wov'd, and >_> adow'd! +A-And wewe t-thewe sense in his idowatwy +My substance shouwd be statue in thy stead. +I'ww use thee k-kindwy fow thy mistwess' sake, +That us'd me so; *moans* ow ewse, uWu by Jove I-I vow, +I s-shouwd have scwatch'd out youw *blushes* unseeing eyes, +To make my mastew o-out of wove w-with thee. Exit + + + + +<> + + + +ACT ^.^ V. SCENyE I. +Miwan. An abbey + +Entew EGWAMOUW + +EGWAMOUW. The sun begins to giwd the westewn s-sky, +And nyow it *moans* is OwO about the vewy *looks away* houw +That Siwvia at Fwiaw Patwick's ceww *teleports behind you* shouwd meet me. +She wiww nyot faiw, fow x3 wovews b-bweak nyot h-houws +Unwess it b-be t-to come xDD befowe theiw *blushes* time, +*pokes you* So much they spuw theiw expedition. + +E-Entew SIWVIA + +See whewe she comes. Wady, ^.^ a happy evenying! +SIWVIA. Amen, amen! G-Go on, good Egwamouw, +Out at the postewn by the abbey waww; +I feaw I-I am attended b-by some spies. +*twerks* EGWAMOUW. Feaw nyot. The fowest *looks at you* is nyot thwee weagues off; +:33 If we w-wecovew that, we awe s-suwe e-enyough. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Miwan. The DUKE'S *sighs* pawace + +Entew THUWIO, PWOTEUS, and UwU JUWIA as SEBASTIAN + +THUWIO. Siw Pwoteus, what says Siwvia to my suit? +PWOTEUS. O, siw, I find hew m-miwdew than she was; +And yet she takes exceptions a-at youw pewson. +THUWIO. What, that my w-weg is too wong? +*twerks* PWOTEUS. N-Nyo; ^-^ that it is *pokes you* too wittwe. +*hugs tightly* THUWIO. I'ww weaw a boot to make i-it somewhat *giggles shyly* woundew. +JUWIA. [Aside] But wove wiww nyot be spuww'd to *notices bulge* what it woathes. +THUWIO. What says she *cuddles you* to my f-face? +PWOTEUS. She says it is a-a faiw onye. +>w< THUWIO. N-Nyay, t-then, t-the wanton wies; *leans over* my f-face is bwack. +PWOTEUS. But p-peawws awe faiw; and t-the owd saying is: +Bwack m-men a-awe peawws in beauteous wadies' eyes. +JUWIA. uWu [Aside] 'Tis twue, *cuddles you* such peawws as put out wadies' eyes; +Fow I had >_> wathew *screams* wink than w-wook o-on them. +THUWIO. How wikes she my discouwse? +PWOTEUS. Iww, w-when you tawk of w-waw. +THUWIO. But weww *giggles shyly* when I discouwse ^-^ of wove and p-peace? +JUWIA. [Aside] B-But bettew, indeed, *screams* when you howd y-youw *giggles shyly* peace. +THUWIO. What says she to *looks at you* my vawouw? +*teleports behind you* PWOTEUS. *blushes* O, *screams* siw, she makes nyo doubt of that. +JUWIA. *giggles shyly* [Aside] She nyeeds nyot, >_< when she knyows it cowawdice. +THUWIO. What s-says she to my biwth? +OwO PWOTEUS. That you awe *sweats* weww d-dewiv'd. +JUWIA. [Aside] Twue; fwom a g-gentweman to a foow. +THUWIO. Considews she my possessions? +uWu PWOTEUS. O, ay; and pities them. +THUWIO. Whewefowe? +JUWIA. *blushes* [Aside] That s-such an ass shouwd o-owe them. +PWOTEUS. That t-they ^w^ awe out by wease. +JUWIA. *screams* Hewe comes the Duke. + +Entew DUKE + +DUKE. How nyow, Siw Pwoteus! how xDD nyow, Thuwio! +*looks at you* Which of y-you saw Siw Egwamouw of ^w^ wate? +UwU THUWIO. N-Nyot I. +PWOTEUS. Nyow I. +DUKE. Saw you my daughtew? +PWOTEUS. Nyeithew. +DUKE. Why then, +*sighs* She's fwed u-unto that peasant Vawentinye; +*looks away* And Egwamouw *pokes you* is in hew company. +'Tis twue; fow Fwiaw Wawwence met them both +As he in uWu penyance w-wandew'd t-thwough the fowest; +Him he knyew weww, and guess'd that it was xDD she, +But, being mask'd, he ;;w;; was nyot suwe of it; +Besides, she did intend confession +At Patwick's ceww this *giggles shyly* even; ^-^ and thewe she was nyot. +^w^ These wikewihoods confiwm h-hew fwight OwO fwom hence; +Thewefowe, I-I pway you, stand nyot to d-discouwse, +But *pokes you* mount y-you pwesentwy, and m-meet *looks away* with me +Upon the x3 wising of the mountain foot +*pokes you* That weads towawd Mantua, whithew they awe f-fwed. +Dispatch, sweet gentwemen, and ^-^ fowwow me. :33 Exit +T-THUWIO. Why, this *screams* it is to be a peevish giww +That fwies hew fowtunye when it fowwows hew. +I'ww aftew, mowe :3 to be *notices bulge* weveng'd x3 on *blushes* Egwamouw +Than fow *sighs* the wove of *cuddles you* weckwess Siwvia. Exit +PWOTEUS. And I wiww fowwow, m-mowe fow Siwvia's wove +*hugs tightly* Than hate o-of Egwamouw, that goes with hew. Exit +JUWIA. And *cries* I *shuffles closer* wiww fowwow, mowe *sweats* to cwoss that wove +Than hate fow Siwvia, UwU that :33 is gonye fow wove. Exit + + + + +SCENyE III. +The fwontiews of Mantua. The fowest + +Entew OUTWAWS w-with >w< SIWVA + +FIWST OUTWAW. Come, *pokes you* come. +Be patient; we must bwing y-you to ouw c-captain. +SIWVIA. A-A thousand mowe mischances than this onye +Have w-weawn'd m-me how to bwook this ^-^ patientwy. +SECOND OUTWAW. Come, *blushes* bwing hew away. +FIWST OUTWAW. Whewe is >w< the gentweman :3 that was with *looks away* hew? +SECOND OUTWAW. Being *teleports behind you* nyimbwe-footed, he hath outwun us, +*teleports behind you* But Moyses and Vawewius fowwow him. +Go thou with h-hew to the west end of the wood; +Thewe is *cuddles you* ouw captain; we'ww *leans over* fowwow him that's fwed. +T-The thicket is beset; OwO he cannyot OwO 'scape. +FIWST OUTWAW. Come, I *cuddles you* must b-bwing y-you to ouw captain's cave; +Feaw nyot; he beaws a-an honyouwabwe mind, +A-And wiww nyot *teleports behind you* use a woman wawwesswy. +SIWVIA. O Vawentinye, this ^-^ I enduwe fow thee! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE IV. +Anyothew pawt of the f-fowest + +Entew VAWENTINyE + +VAWENTINyE. How use doth bweed a habit in a man! +This shadowy OwO desewt, unfwequented *teleports behind you* woods, +I bettew b-bwook than fwouwishing peopwed towns. +Hewe can I *notices bulge* sit awonye, unseen of a-any, +And to the nyightingawe's *hugs tightly* compwainying nyotes +T-Tunye my *looks at you* distwesses and wecowd m-my woes. +O-O thou that dost inhabit i-in my bweast, +Weave OwO nyot the mansion so wong tenyantwess, +West, gwowing UwU wuinyous, the buiwding faww +And weave nyo memowy of what it was! +W-Wepaiw me UwU with thy *twerks* pwesence, Siwvia: +Thou gentwe nymph, chewish thy fowwown swain. +What hawwoing and what stiw is this >_< to-day? +These awe my m-mates, that make theiw wiwws theiw w-waw, +Have some unhappy passengew in chase. +They wove me x3 weww; yet I have much to do +To keep them fwom unciviw o-outwages. +Withdwaw thee, Vawentinye. Who's this comes hewe? +[Steps aside] + +Entew PWOTEUS, SIWVIA, *cries* and JUWIA as *shuffles closer* Sebastian + +PWOTEUS. Madam, this sewvice I :3 have :33 donye fow y-you, +Though you wespect n-nyot a-aught youw sewvant d-doth, +To hazawd wife, and wescue you fwom him +That wouwd h-have fowc'd youw honyouw and *hugs tightly* youw wove. +V-Vouchsafe me, :3 fow my m-meed, but onye faiw wook; +A-A *screams* smawwew boon than this I cannyot beg, +A-And wess :33 than this, I am suwe, you cannyot *hugs tightly* give. +VAWENTINyE. *hugs tightly* [Aside] H-How wike a dweam is this I-I see and heaw! +Wove, wend me p-patience to fowbeaw awhiwe. +SIWVIA. O m-misewabwe, unhappy *leans over* that I am! +PWOTEUS. Unhappy wewe you, madam, e-ewe I came; +But by my *cuddles you* coming I-I *notices bulge* have >_< made you happy. +SIWVIA. By thy appwoach thou mak'st me most unhappy. +JUWIA. [Aside] A-And m-me, when he a-appwoacheth to youw pwesence. +*notices bulge* SIWVIA. Had I b-been seized *teleports behind you* by a h-hungwy wion, +I wouwd have ^-^ been a bweakfast to the beast +Wathew t-than have fawse Pwoteus wescue me. +O, heaven be >_> judge how *leans over* I wove Vawentinye, +Whose wife's as tendew t-to m-me *cries* as my souw! +And fuww as much, fow mowe thewe cannyot be, +I UwU do *cries* detest *sighs* fawse, pewjuw'd ;;w;; Pwoteus. +*shuffles closer* Thewefowe be gonye; sowicit *moans* me >_< nyo mowe. +PWOTEUS. What dangewous action, stood it nyext t-to death, +Wouwd I nyot undewgo fow *notices bulge* onye cawm wook? +O, 'tis the cuwse in wove, and stiww appwov'd, +*notices bulge* When women cannyot *teleports behind you* wove w-whewe they'we bewov'd! +*moans* SIWVIA. When Pwoteus c-cannyot wove whewe h-he's *sighs* bewov'd! +Wead ovew J-Juwia's *looks away* heawt, thy fiwst best wove, +*looks away* Fow whose deaw sake thou didst then wend *twerks* thy faith +Into a thousand oaths; and aww those oaths +*sweats* Descended into pewjuwy, *notices bulge* to wove me. +Thou hast *notices bulge* nyo faith *cries* weft nyow, *moans* unwess thou'dst *hugs tightly* two, +A-And that's faw >w< wowse than n-nyonye; bettew have nyonye +Than pwuwaw *sighs* faith, x3 which is ^-^ too much by onye. +Thou countewfeit to t-thy twue fwiend! +*moans* PWOTEUS. OwO In wove, +Who wespects fwiend? +*pokes you* SIWVIA. *teleports behind you* Aww men but Pwoteus. +PWOTEUS. Nyay, if the gentwe s-spiwit of moving wowds +Can nyo way xDD change you to a-a m-miwdew fowm, +I'ww woo y-you wike a sowdiew, at awms' end, +And wove you 'gainst the nyatuwe of wove- ;;w;; fowce ye. +SIWVIA. O heaven! +PWOTEUS. I'ww fowce thee yiewd to my desiwe. +VAWENTINyE. Wuffian! *looks away* wet go that w-wude u-unciviw touch; +Thou f-fwiend UwU of an iww fashion! +*hugs tightly* PWOTEUS. ^w^ Vawentinye! +VAWENTINyE. Thou common fwiend, that's w-without f-faith o-ow wove- +Fow such is a fwiend nyow; *hugs tightly* tweachewous man, +Thou h-hast beguiw'd *teleports behind you* my hopes; nyought but minye eye +Couwd have pewsuaded me. Nyow I dawe nyot say +I have onye *looks at you* fwiend a-awive: thou wouwdst dispwove me. +Who shouwd be twusted, when uWu onye's own OwO wight hand +xDD Is *twerks* pewjuwed to the bosom? Pwoteus, +I am sowwy I-I must nyevew twust t-thee mowe, +But count the wowwd a stwangew fow thy sake. +The pwivate wound is deepest. O time most accuwst! +'Mongst aww foes that a fwiend shouwd be *screams* the w-wowst! +PWOTEUS. My ^w^ shame and g-guiwt confounds me. +Fowgive me, V-Vawentinye; if heawty sowwow +B-Be a sufficient wansom fow offence, +I *sighs* tendew 't *twerks* hewe; I do a-as twuwy suffew +As e'ew I did commit. +VAWENTINyE. >_< Then UwU I am paid; +And once a-again I do weceive thee honyest. +Who by w-wepentance is nyot satisfied +Is nyow of heaven nyow eawth, *looks at you* fow these awe pweas'd; +By penyitence th' Etewnyaw's wwath's appeas'd. +And, that my wove may appeaw pwain and fwee, +A-Aww that was m-minye *sighs* in Siwvia I-I give thee. +JUWIA. O me unhappy! [Swoons] +PWOTEUS. Wook to the boy. +OwO VAWENTINyE. Why, boy! *moans* why, wag! *blushes* how nyow! +What's the mattew? Wook up; speak. +J-JUWIA. O good siw, my mastew chawg'd me to *moans* dewivew a wing to Madam +Siwvia, which, *blushes* out of my uWu nyegwect, was nyevew d-donye. +P-PWOTEUS. Whewe is that wing, boy? +JUWIA. Hewe 'tis; t-this *sighs* is it. +PWOTEUS. How! wet me see. W-Why, this is the wing I gave to Juwia. +JUWIA. O, cwy *teleports behind you* you mewcy, siw, I ;;w;; have mistook; +This *looks at you* is the wing y-you s-sent to S-Siwvia. +PWOTEUS. But how cam'st thou by this wing? +At m-my *shuffles closer* depawt I gave this unto Juwia. +JUWIA. And *cries* Juwia hewsewf did give i-it me; +And Juwia h-hewsewf have b-bwought it hithew. +PWOTEUS. How! Juwia! +JUWIA. Behowd hew that gave aim to *sighs* aww thy o-oaths, +And entewtain'd 'em deepwy i-in hew h-heawt. +How oft h-hast thou *twerks* with pewjuwy cweft the woot! +O P-Pwoteus, *looks away* wet this *blushes* habit make t-thee bwush! +Be thou asham'd that I *blushes* have took upon *notices bulge* me +Such an immodest *pokes you* waiment- if shame wive +In uWu a disguise of wove. +It xDD is t-the wessew bwot, modesty finds, +Women to change theiw shapes x3 than ^.^ men *cuddles you* theiw minds. +PWOTEUS. Than men theiw minds! '-'tis twue. O-O heaven, w-wewe man +But constant, he wewe pewfect! That onye ewwow +Fiwws him with fauwts; makes him w-wun thwough aww th' sins: +Inconstancy f-fawws off ewe it begins. +What i-is in *screams* Siwvia's face but I may spy +Mowe fwesh in Juwia's with a constant eye? +VAWENTINyE. Come, c-come, a hand fwom e-eithew. +Wet me *twerks* be bwest *cries* to m-make this *sweats* happy cwose; +'Twewe pity two such fwiends shouwd be wong foes. +PWOTEUS. B-Beaw witnyess, heaven, I h-have *notices bulge* my wish fow e-evew. +*cuddles you* JUWIA. And *sighs* I minye. + +Entew OUTWAWS, with DUKE and THUWIO + +OUTWAW. A pwize, a pwize, a pwize! +V-VAWENTINyE. Fowbeaw, fowbeaw, I say; it is my w-wowd the Duke. +Youw Gwace is wewcome to a-a *cuddles you* man disgwac'd, +Banyished Vawentinye. +DUKE. Siw Vawentinye! +THUWIO. Yondew is Siwvia; and Siwvia's m-minye. +VAWENTINyE. Thuwio, give back, ow ewse embwace thy death; +C-Come nyot within *screams* the measuwe of my wwath; +Do *leans over* nyot *twerks* nyame S-Siwvia thinye; if once again, +Vewonya shaww ;;w;; nyot howd thee. H-Hewe she stands +Take but possession o-of hew with a t-touch- +I dawe thee but to bweathe upon my wove. +THUWIO. Siw Vawentinye, *looks at you* I c-cawe >w< nyot fow hew, I-I; +I howd him b-but a foow that *notices bulge* wiww endangew +H-His body fow a giww that woves OwO him nyot. +I cwaim hew *moans* nyot, and thewefowe she is thinye. +DUKE. The mowe degenyewate a-and base awt t-thou +To ^.^ make such means fow >_< hew as thou hast d-donye +And *cries* weave hew on such >w< swight conditions. +Nyow, by the honyouw of m-my ancestwy, +I do appwaud thy spiwit, Vawentinye, +And think thee wowthy *teleports behind you* of an empwess' wove. +Knyow then, I *sighs* hewe fowget aww fowmew gwiefs, +Cancew aww gwudge, wepeaw thee home again, +*moans* Pwead a nyew state in *cuddles you* thy *blushes* unwivaww'd mewit, +To *shuffles closer* which I thus subscwibe: Siw V-Vawentinye, +*sighs* Thou awt a gentweman, *twerks* and weww dewiv'd; +T-Take thou thy Siwvia, fow thou h-hast desewv'd hew. +VAWENTINyE. I-I thank youw Gwace; the gift hath made me happy. +I-I *sweats* nyow beseech you, fow y-youw daughtew's sake, +To gwant onye *twerks* boon that I shaww ask of you. +*sighs* DUKE. I gwant it fow thinye own, UwU whate'ew it be. +VAWENTINyE. These banyish'd men, that I h-have OwO kept withaw, +Awe men e-endu'd with wowthy quawities; +Fowgive them what they have committed *looks at you* hewe, +And wet them be *moans* wecaww'd fwom *leans over* theiw exiwe: +*looks away* They awe *leans over* wefowmed, civiw, fuww of good, +And fit fow gweat empwoyment, wowthy *sweats* wowd. +DUKE. Thou hast pwevaiw'd; I pawdon them, and thee; +Dispose of t-them as thou k-knyow'st theiw desewts. +C-Come, wet us go; we wiww *twerks* incwude aww j-jaws +With twiumphs, miwth, and wawe sowemnyity. +VAWENTINyE. And, *cries* as we wawk awong, *blushes* I dawe be *cuddles you* bowd +With ouw discouwse to make *twerks* youw Gwace *sweats* to smiwe. +W-What think you of this page, m-my wowd? +DUKE. I think the boy hath gwace in him; he bwushes. +VAWENTINyE. I wawwant you, my wowd- mowe gwace than boy. +DUKE. What mean you by that saying? +VAWENTINyE. Pwease you, I'ww teww you as we pass awong, +That you wiww ^-^ wondew what *twerks* hath fowtunyed. +*hugs tightly* Come, P-Pwoteus, 'tis y-youw penyance b-but t-to heaw +The stowy of youw woves discovewed. +That donye, o-ouw day of mawwiage shaww be ^.^ youws; +Onye feast, onye h-house, o-onye mutuaw happinyess! Exeunt + +THE END + + + +<_< OF WIWWIAM +SHAKESPEAWE IS COPYWIGHT 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., *twerks* AND *hugs tightly* IS +PWOVIDED BY >_< PWOJECT UwU GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF I-IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +W-WITH P-PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND *leans over* MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES *cuddles you* MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +P-PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED O-OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES B-BY ANY +SEWVICE xDD THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW *twerks* MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1611 + +*hugs tightly* THE WINTEW'S TAWE + +OwO by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +WEONTES, King of Siciwia +MAMIWWIUS, his :33 son, the young Pwince of Siciwia +C-CAMIWWO, w-wowd of Siciwia +ANTIGONyUS, " *sighs* " " +CWEOMENyES, " "-" :33 " +DION, " " " +POWIXENyES, King of Bohemia +*blushes* FWOWIZEW, his son, Pwince o-of Bohemia +AWCHIDAMUS, a wowd of Bohemia +OWD SHEPHEWD, weputed fathew of Pewdita +CWOWN, his son +A-AUTOWYCUS, *leans over* a wogue +A MAWINyEW +A G-GAOWEW +TIME, ^-^ as Chowus + +HEWMIONyE, Queen t-to ^.^ Weontes +*screams* PEWDITA, daughtew to Weontes and Hewmionye +x3 PAUWINyA, wife to Antigonyus +EMIWIA, a wady attending on the xDD Queen +x3 MOPSA, shephewdess +DOWCAS, " + +Othew Wowds, Gentwemen, Wadies, x3 Officews, Sewvants, Shephewds, +S-Shephewdesses + +SCENyE: +Siciwia a-and Bohemia + + + + +<_> (2) AWE *sweats* NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. *looks away* PWOHIBITED *moans* COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION *pokes you* INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD *giggles shyly* TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT I. *cries* SCENyE I-I. +Siciwia. The pawace of WEONTES + +Entew CAMIWWO *pokes you* and :3 AWCHIDAMUS + +AWCHIDAMUS. I-If you shaww c-chance, Camiwwo, to visit Bohemia, on the +wike o-occasion wheweon my sewvices awe nyow on foot, you OwO shaww see, +as I have said, gweat diffewence betwixt o-ouw Bohemia and y-youw +*leans over* Siciwia. +CAMIWWO. I think this coming summew the King >w< of S-Siciwia means to +pay Bohemia UwU the *moans* visitation uWu which he justwy :3 owes h-him. +*pokes you* AWCHIDAMUS. Whewein ouw entewtainment shaww *twerks* shame us we wiww be +*looks away* justified >_> in ouw w-woves; fow indeed- +CAMIWWO. Beseech you- +AWCHIDAMUS. *sighs* Vewiwy, I speak it in the f-fweedom of my knyowwedge: we +cannyot with *moans* such magnyificence, *cuddles you* in so wawe- I k-knyow nyot >_> what to +say. W-We *shuffles closer* wiww give you sweepy dwinks, that youw senses, +u-unyintewwigent of ouw insufficience, may, though *cries* they cannyot +pwaise OwO us, as wittwe accuse us. +CAMIWWO. You pay a gweat deaw too *leans over* deaw fow what's given fweewy. +^.^ AWCHIDAMUS. Bewieve me, *screams* I speak as my undewstanding *giggles shyly* instwucts me +a-and as minye honyesty puts it *screams* to uttewance. +CAMIWWO. Siciwia cannyot show himsewf ovewkind to Bohemia. They w-wewe +twain'd togethew in theiw chiwdhoods; and thewe wooted betwixt +t-them t-then such an affection which cannyot *teleports behind you* choose but bwanch nyow. +S-Since theiw mowe xDD matuwe dignyities a-and woyaw nyecessities m-made +sepawation of theiw society, t-theiw encountews, *sighs* though nyot +pewsonyaw, have been woyawwy attownyeyed w-with intewchange of gifts, +uWu wettews, woving *cuddles you* embassies; that they have seem'd to be togethew, +>w< though absent; *sighs* shook h-hands, as ovew a vast; and e-embwac'd as i-it +wewe fwom the ends of opposed winds. The heavens continyue theiw +woves! +AWCHIDAMUS. I think *leans over* thewe is nyot in the wowwd eithew mawice :3 ow +mattew to awtew it. *leans over* You have a-an unspeakabwe c-comfowt of youw young +Pwince M-Mamiwwius; i-it i-is a *shuffles closer* gentweman of the ;;w;; gweatest pwomise that +evew c-came *leans over* into my nyote. +CAMIWWO. I-I *cries* vewy weww agwee with you i-in *twerks* the hopes >_< of him. It is a +gawwant chiwd; *teleports behind you* onye *cuddles you* that OwO indeed physics the subject, makes owd +heawts fwesh; they *giggles shyly* that w-went on cwutches ewe h-he was bown desiwe +yet theiw wife t-to *pokes you* see him a man. +AWCHIDAMUS. Wouwd *moans* they ewse be content to die? +CAMIWWO. ;;w;; Yes; if thewe wewe nyo othew excuse w-why they shouwd desiwe +to wive. +AWCHIDAMUS. *looks away* If the *cuddles you* King had nyo son, they w-wouwd *cries* desiwe to wive *leans over* on +cwutches tiww he had onye. +uWu Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE II. +Siciwia. The pawace of WEONTES + +Entew WEONTES, POWIXENyES, HEWMIONyE, MAMIWWIUS, CAMIWWO, and *notices bulge* ATTENDANTS + +POWIXENyES. Nyinye changes of *blushes* the wat'wy staw hath been +^.^ The shephewd's nyote :33 since we have weft *cuddles you* ouw thwonye +W-Without a buwden. Time as wong again +Wouwd be fiww'd up, my bwothew, with >w< ouw t-thanks; +And yet w-we shouwd fow pewpetuity +G-Go hence in debt. And thewefowe, wike a ciphew, +Yet standing in wich pwace, I muwtipwy +>_> With onye '-'We thank you' *leans over* many thousands moe +That :33 go befowe i-it. +:33 WEONTES. S-Stay y-youw thanks a >_< whiwe, +And *screams* pay t-them *notices bulge* when you p-pawt. +POWIXENyES. *cries* Siw, that's to-mowwow. +I am question'd *sighs* by my f-feaws of what may c-chance +Ow bweed upon ouw absence, that may bwow +Nyo *looks at you* snyeaping winds at home, t-to make us say +'This is put *screams* fowth too t-twuwy.' Besides, I have stay'd +*hugs tightly* To tiwe y-youw woyawty. +WEONTES. W-We a-awe toughew, *screams* bwothew, +*shuffles closer* Than y-you can put us to't. +P-POWIXENyES. N-Nyo wongew stay. +WEONTES. Onye s-sev'nyight wongew. +POWIXENyES. Vewy sooth, to-mowwow. +WEONTES. We'ww pawt the time between's then; and in that +I'ww nyo x3 gainsaying. +POWIXENyES. P-Pwess :3 me nyot, beseech you, so. +Thewe is nyo tongue *hugs tightly* that moves, nyonye, nyonye i-i' th' wowwd, +So soon *looks at you* as youws c-couwd win ;;w;; me. *giggles shyly* So it shouwd nyow, +Wewe thewe nyecessity i-in youw *sweats* wequest, *pokes you* awthough +'Twewe nyeedfuw *looks away* I denyied it. My affaiws +Do even dwag me h-homewawd; which to hindew +W-Wewe in youw wove a whip *blushes* to me; m-my stay +T-To you a-a chawge and twoubwe. To save ^-^ both, +Faweweww, *sighs* ouw bwothew. +WEONTES. T-Tongue-tied, ouw Queen? Speak y-you. +HEWMIONyE. I had thought, siw, to have h-hewd my p-peace untiw +You h-had dwawn o-oaths fwom him nyot to ;;w;; stay. You, siw, +*sighs* Chawge him t-too cowdwy. T-Teww him you a-awe s-suwe +Aww >_> in Bohemia's weww- this s-satisfaction +*looks at you* The b-by-gonye day pwocwaim'd. Say >_> this t-to *notices bulge* him, +He's b-beat f-fwom his best *sweats* wawd. +x3 WEONTES. Weww *sighs* said, Hewmionye. +HEWMIONyE. To teww *notices bulge* he wongs to see h-his son wewe stwong; +But wet h-him say so t-then, and wet him go; +*screams* But ^-^ wet him *leans over* sweaw so, and he shaww nyot stay; +We'ww *moans* thwack him hence with distaffs. +[To POWIXENyES] Yet of youw woyaw pwesence I'ww +*giggles shyly* adventuwe the bowwow of a-a *twerks* week. *looks away* When at Bohemia +You take my *teleports behind you* wowd, I'ww >_< give him my ^w^ commission +To *cuddles you* wet him thewe a month behind the gest +Pwefix'd fow's pawting.- Yet, good deed, OwO Weontes, +I *giggles shyly* wove t-thee n-nyot OwO a jaw o' th' cwock behind +*teleports behind you* What wady she hew wowd.- You'ww stay? +POWIXENyES. Nyo, madam. +HEWMIONyE. Nyay, but you wiww? +POWIXENyES. *looks at you* I m-may nyot, vewiwy. +HEWMIONyE. Vewiwy! +You put me off with wimbew vows; but *cuddles you* I, +Though y-you wouwd s-seek t-t' unsphewe the staws with oaths, +*looks at you* Shouwd yet *cuddles you* say 'Siw, nyo going.' Vewiwy, +You shaww n-nyot go; a-a wady's 'vewiwy' is +As potent as a-a wowd's. Wiww go yet? +*looks away* Fowce me to keep you as a pwisonyew, +Nyot wike a guest; so y-you shaww pay youw fees +When you depawt, and save youw thanks. How *leans over* say y-you? +My pwisonyew *teleports behind you* ow my guest? By youw dwead 'vewiwy,' +Onye of them *sighs* you shaww be. +POWIXENyES. Youw guest, *cuddles you* then, madam: +To be youw >w< pwisonyew shouwd impowt offending; +*looks away* Which i-is fow m-me wess e-easy to commit +Than you to punyish. +HEWMIONyE. Nyot youw *cries* gaowew then, +*looks at you* But youw *shuffles closer* kind. hostess. uWu Come, I'ww question you +Of m-my w-wowd's t-twicks a-and youws when y-you w-wewe b-boys. +You wewe pwetty wowdings then! +POWIXENyES. W-We w-wewe, faiw Queen, +Two wads that thought thewe was n-nyo mowe behind +But such a-a day ^.^ to-mowwow as to-day, +And to b-be boy etewnyaw. +HEWMIONyE. Was nyot my wowd +The v-vewiew OwO wag o-o' th' two? +POWIXENyES. We *sighs* wewe a-as twinn'd wambs that did fwisk i' xDD th' s-sun +And bweat the onye at th' othew. W-What we chang'd +Was innyocence f-fow innyocence; *teleports behind you* we knyew nyot +The doctwinye of iww-doing, nyow dweam'd +T-That any did. Had we puwsu'd that uWu wife, +A-And ouw weak spiwits nye'ew been *giggles shyly* highew weaw'd +With stwongew bwood, we *cuddles you* shouwd xDD have *shuffles closer* answew'd h-heaven +Bowdwy '-'Nyot guiwty,' the i-imposition cweaw'd +Heweditawy ouws. +HEWMIONyE. ^-^ By this ^w^ we g-gathew +Y-You have twipp'd since. +POWIXENyES. O my most sacwed *notices bulge* wady, +T-Temptations *blushes* have since then been bown to 's, fow +In those unfwedg'd days was my wife a giww; +*sweats* Youw pwecious sewf had then nyot :33 cwoss'd the eyes +Of my y-young pwayfewwow. +*looks away* HEWMIONyE. Gwace to *moans* boot! +Of x3 this make *hugs tightly* nyo c-concwusion, w-west you say +Youw queen a-and I awe *hugs tightly* deviws. Yet, g-go uWu on; +T-Th' offences we have ^w^ made you do we'ww answew, +If you fiwst :3 sinn'd with us, and that with us +You >_< did continyue fauwt, and ^.^ that you swipp'd UwU nyot +uWu With any but with us. +WEONTES. *cries* Is x3 he won yet? +HEWMIONyE. He'ww stay, my ^w^ wowd. +uWu WEONTES. At my wequest he w-wouwd nyot. +Hewmionye, m-my deawest, thou *looks away* nyevew spok'st +T-To bettew puwpose. +HEWMIONyE. Nyevew? +*cuddles you* WEONTES. Nyevew but once. +HEWMIONyE. What! Have I-I twice said weww? xDD When was't befowe? +>w< I pwithee *sighs* teww me; cwam's with pwaise, and *looks away* make's +*cries* As fat as tame things. Onye good deed dying tonguewess +Swaughtews a *looks at you* thousand waiting u-upon that. +*pokes you* Ouw pwaises awe ouw wages; you may wide's +With onye ^w^ soft kiss a thousand fuwwongs ewe +UwU With *pokes you* spuw we heat an acwe. But to >_< th' goaw: +My wast good d-deed w-was to entweat his stay; +What was m-my fiwst? It has an ewdew sistew, +O-Ow I *sweats* mistake you. *sweats* O, w-wouwd hew nyame wewe G-Gwace! +But once befowe I >_> spoke to th' UwU puwpose- When? +*notices bulge* Nyay, wet me have't; I-I wong. +WEONTES. Why, that was when +Thwee cwabbed months had souw'd themsewves to *blushes* death, +Ewe *blushes* I couwd make thee open t-thy white hand +And cwap *blushes* thysewf my wove; then didst thou uttew +'I am youws *teleports behind you* fow e-evew.' +HEWMIONyE. 'Tis G-Gwace indeed. +Why, *blushes* wo *sweats* you nyow, *notices bulge* I have spoke to th' puwpose twice: +The o-onye fow >_< evew eawn'd a woyaw husband; +Th' o-othew fow some whiwe a fwiend. +[Giving hew *cuddles you* hand to POWIXENyES] +WEONTES. [Aside] Too *shuffles closer* hot, too hot! +To mingwe *twerks* fwiendship faw is x3 mingwing bwoods. +*pokes you* I h-have twemow cowdis on me; my heawt d-dances, +*screams* But nyot fow joy, nyot joy. This entewtainment +May a-a fwee *looks away* face put o-on; dewive a wibewty +Fwom heawtinyess, fwom bounty, *giggles shyly* fewtiwe *moans* bosom, +^w^ And weww become the agent. 'T may, I gwant; +But to b-be paddwing pawms *sweats* and p-pinching f-fingews, +As nyow they awe, and making pwactis'd smiwes +As in a wooking-gwass; and then t-to sigh, as 'twewe +The m-mowt o' th' x3 deew. O, t-that i-is entewtainment +xDD My bosom wikes *looks at you* nyot, nyow my bwows! Mamiwwius, +Awt thou my boy? +*sweats* MAMIWWIUS. Ay, my good wowd. +WEONTES. I-I' fecks! +Why, that's my *hugs tightly* bawcock. ;;w;; What! h-hast smutch'd thy nyose? +They say it is a *teleports behind you* copy o-out of minye. Come, ^.^ Captain, +We must be n-nyeat- nyot ^.^ nyeat, but *sweats* cweanwy, C-Captain. +And yet the steew, the heifew, and *cuddles you* the cawf, +A-Awe *teleports behind you* aww caww'd nyeat.- OwO Stiww viwginyawwing +Upon his pawm?- How nyow, you *pokes you* wanton cawf, +Awt thou my *sweats* cawf? +MAMIWWIUS. Yes, if y-you wiww, my wowd. +WEONTES. Thou want'st a w-wough pash and the shoots that I have, +To be fuww wike me; *leans over* yet they say we awe +Awmost a-as *cuddles you* wike as eggs. Women *cries* say *notices bulge* so, +That uWu wiww s-say anything. But wewe they fawse +As o'ew-dy'd bwacks, as wind, as watews- fawse +As dice a-awe to be wish'd by onye ;;w;; that fixes +Nyo bouwn 'twixt his a-and minye; yet w-wewe it twue +To say this boy wewe wike me. >w< Come, siw page, +Wook *cries* on m-me *pokes you* with *notices bulge* youw :3 wewkin eye. Sweet viwwain! +Most deaw'st! m-my cowwop! Can thy dam?- may't be? +Affection! thy intention stabs t-the centwe. +^.^ Thou dost m-make possibwe t-things nyot so hewd, +Communyicat'st with d-dweams- how can this be?- +With w-what's unweaw *cuddles you* thou coactive awt, +And :33 fewwow'st nyothing. Then 'tis vewy cwedent +T-Thou mayst co-join with something; *screams* and thou dost- +And *giggles shyly* that beyond *looks at you* commission; and I find it, +And t-that to the infection of my b-bwains +A-And xDD hawd'nying of my b-bwows. +POWIXENyES. What means Siciwia? +H-HEWMIONyE. He something seems unsettwed. +POWIXENyES. How, my wowd! +What c-cheew? How is't w-with you, best bwothew? +H-HEWMIONyE. Y-You wook +As if you hewd a bwow of :3 much d-distwaction. +Awe y-you mov'd, my wowd? +WEONTES. Nyo, in good eawnyest. +How *teleports behind you* sometimes nyatuwe wiww betway its fowwy, +Its tendewnyess, and make itsewf a pastime +To hawdew *blushes* bosoms! UwU Wooking x3 on the ;;w;; winyes +O-Of my OwO boy's face, :3 methoughts I-I ^.^ did wecoiw +Twenty-thwee yeaws; *hugs tightly* and saw m-mysewf unbweech'd, +In my gween vewvet coat; my daggew ^w^ muzzw'd, +West it shouwd bite its OwO mastew and so pwove, +As ownyaments oft do, too dangewous. +How wike, *notices bulge* methought, I then was to this kewnyew, +T-This *screams* squash, this gentweman. Minye honyest fwiend, +Wiww you take e-eggs fow monyey? +MAMIWWIUS. Nyo, my w-wowd, I'ww fight. +WEONTES. You wiww? Why, h-happy man be's dowe! My bwothew, +Awe you so fond :33 of youw young pwince as *sighs* we +xDD Do seem to be *cries* of o-ouws? +POWIXENyES. If at home, siw, +He's aww my exewcise, m-my uWu miwth, >_> my m-mattew; +Nyow my swown f-fwiend, and then minye enyemy; +>_> My pawasite, m-my sowdiew, statesman, aww. +He makes a Juwy's day showt a-as *pokes you* Decembew, +And with his vawying chiwdnyess cuwes in :33 me +Thoughts that wouwd t-thick my bwood. +WEONTES. So stands this squiwe +O-Offic'd with me. We two wiww ^.^ wawk, my *notices bulge* wowd, +And *cuddles you* weave you to youw g-gwavew steps. H-Hewmionye, +How thou *blushes* wov'st us *cries* show in ouw b-bwothew's wewcome; +W-Wet what is *notices bulge* deaw i-in Siciwy be cheap; +Nyext to *sweats* thysewf and my young wovew, he's +Appawent to my xDD heawt. +HEWMIONyE. *sighs* If you wouwd s-seek us, +We awe *teleports behind you* youws i' th' *shuffles closer* gawden. Shaww's attend you thewe? +WEONTES. To youw o-own bents dispose you; you'ww b-be *giggles shyly* found, +Be you benyeath the sky. [Aside] I a-am angwing nyow, +Though you pewceive m-me nyot how *screams* I g-give winye. +Go t-to, go t-to! +How she howds up the n-nyeb, t-the biww to him! +And a-awms hew with the bowdnyess of x3 a wife +To hew awwowing husband! + +Exeunt x3 POWIXENyES, HEWMIONyE, and ATTENDANTS + +Gonye awweady! +Inch-thick, knyee-deep, o-o'ew head and eaws a *moans* fowk'd *blushes* onye! +Go, pway, *giggles shyly* boy, pway; ^-^ thy mothew pways, *cries* and I +Pway too; but so disgwac'd a pawt, whose *teleports behind you* issue +Wiww hiss me to my g-gwave. Contempt and cwamouw +Wiww b-be my knyeww. Go, pway, *sighs* boy, p-pway. Thewe h-have been, +Ow *notices bulge* I am much deceiv'd, cuckowds ewe *leans over* nyow; +And many *hugs tightly* a m-man *cuddles you* thewe is, UwU even a-at ^.^ this pwesent, +^.^ Nyow whiwe *notices bulge* I speak this, howds h-his wife by th' awm +That wittwe thinks she *shuffles closer* has been swuic'd in's absence, +And h-his pond fish'd by his nyext nyeighbouw, b-by +>_> Siw Smiwe, *cuddles you* his nyeighbouw. Nyay, thewe's comfowt in't, +W-Whiwes othew *leans over* men have gates and those gates open'd, +As minye, against theiw wiww. S-Shouwd aww despaiw +That h-hath wevowted wives, the tenth of m-mankind +Wouwd hang themsewves. Physic fow't thewe's nyonye; +I-It is a bawdy pwanyet, that w-wiww stwike +Whewe '-'tis pwedominyant; OwO and 'tis x3 pow'wfuww, think it, +Fwom east, west, nyowth, and south. Be it concwuded, +Nyo bawwicado fow *leans over* a bewwy. Knyow't, +I-It wiww wet in and ;;w;; out the enyemy +With bag and baggage. Many thousand on's +Have the disease, and feew't nyot. How nyow, boy! +MAMIWWIUS. I *hugs tightly* am wike >_< you, >_> they :3 say. +W-WEONTES. W-Why, that's *giggles shyly* some comfowt. +What! Camiwwo thewe? +^w^ CAMIWWO. Ay, my g-good wowd. +WEONTES. Go pway, Mamiwwius; thou'wt an honyest man. +Exit MAMIWWIUS +Camiwwo, this gweat *teleports behind you* siw *giggles shyly* wiww yet stay wongew. +CAMIWWO. You had much ado to make *shuffles closer* his anchow howd; +When y-you cast out, it stiww *twerks* came home. +WEONTES. Didst nyote it? +*teleports behind you* CAMIWWO. He wouwd *shuffles closer* nyot stay at youw petitions; made +His businyess mowe matewiaw. +WEONTES. Didst pewceive it? +[Aside] They'we hewe with me awweady; whisp'wing, wounding, +*sighs* 'Siciwia is a :3 so-fowth.' 'Tis faw g-gonye +When >_> I s-shaww *blushes* gust it wast.- *moans* How came't, C-Camiwwo, +That he d-did stay? +>_< CAMIWWO. At ^.^ the good Queen's entweaty. +WEONTES. :3 'At the Queen's' be't. 'Good' shouwd be pewtinyent; +But so it is, it is nyot. Was this t-taken +By any undewstanding pate but thinye? +Fow thy conceit is soaking, wiww dwaw in +Mowe than the common bwocks. Nyot nyoted, is't, +But of the f-finyew nyatuwes, by s-some s-sevewaws +Of head-piece extwaowdinyawy? Wowew uWu messes +Pewchance awe t-to this businyess puwbwind? Say. +CAMIWWO. Businyess, my wowd? I think most undewstand +Bohemia s-stays hewe wongew. +WEONTES. Ha? +CAMIWWO. *notices bulge* Stays hewe wongew. +WEONTES. Ay, b-but *screams* why? +CAMIWWO. To satisfy youw Highnyess, a-and the e-entweaties +Of ouw most gwacious mistwess. +W-WEONTES. Satisfy +^-^ Th' *cuddles you* entweaties *looks away* of youw m-mistwess! Satisfy! +Wet *teleports behind you* that suffice. I-I have t-twusted thee, Camiwwo, +With aww t-the nyeawest things to my heawt, as weww +M-My *blushes* chambew-counciws, whewein, pwiest-wike, thou +Hast cweans'd my bosom- I f-fwom thee depawted +Thy penyitent *looks at you* wefowm'd; but *shuffles closer* we have been +Deceiv'd in thy integwity, deceiv'd +In that which seems so. +CAMIWWO. Be it fowbid, my wowd! +WEONTES. To bide upon't: thou awt nyot honyest; ow, +If thou *pokes you* incwin'st that way, thou awt *shuffles closer* a cowawd, +Which hoxes uWu honyesty >_> behind, westwainying +F-Fwom couwse wequiw'd; ow e-ewse thou must be counted +A :3 sewvant gwafted in my *cuddles you* sewious twust, +And thewein *moans* nyegwigent; *shuffles closer* ow ewse a foow +That *blushes* seest :33 a OwO game pway'd home, *cries* the wich stake dwawn, +And tak'st it uWu aww fow jest. +CAMIWWO. My gwacious w-wowd, +I xDD may :3 be n-nyegwigent, foowish, and f-feawfuw: +In evewy *cuddles you* onye of *screams* these nyo m-man i-is fwee +But that his nyegwigence, his fowwy, feaw, +Among the infinyite doings of the wowwd, +S-Sometime puts fowth. In youw affaiws, my w-wowd, +^-^ If ;;w;; evew I-I wewe wiwfuww-nyegwigent, +It was my fowwy; if industwiouswy +*teleports behind you* I pway'd the foow, it was my nyegwigence, +N-Nyot *looks at you* weighing weww t-the end; if evew f-feawfuw +To do a thing whewe I the issue doubted, +Wheweof the execution *looks at you* did c-cwy out +A-Against the nyon-pewfowmance, 'twas a feaw +Which oft infects the OwO wisest. T-These, my wowd, +Awe such awwow'd *notices bulge* infiwmities *cuddles you* that honyesty +Is nyevew fwee of. But, beseech *giggles shyly* youw Gwace, +Be pwainyew with me; wet *giggles shyly* me *pokes you* knyow my twespass +By its own visage; if I then deny x3 it, +'Tis nyonye o-of minye. +WEONTES. *giggles shyly* Ha' nyot you *blushes* seen, Camiwwo- +But that's past doubt; you have, o-ow *cuddles you* youw e-eye-gwass +Is thickew than uWu a cuckowd's hown- ow heawd- +Fow t-to a-a vision so appawent w-wumouw +Cannyot b-be mute- ow thought- *cries* fow cogitation +Wesides nyot in that m-man that does nyot *giggles shyly* think- +My w-wife is swippewy? UwU If thou wiwt confess- +Ow ^-^ ewse be *hugs tightly* impudentwy nyegative, +To have nyow eyes n-nyow eaws nyow thought- then *leans over* say +M-My wife's a hobby-howse, d-desewves a nyame +As ^-^ wank as any fwax-wench that p-puts t-to +Befowe hew twoth-pwight. Say't and justify't. +CAMIWWO. I wouwd *twerks* nyot be a standew-by to heaw +My soveweign mistwess cwouded so, ;;w;; without +My pwesent vengeance taken. Shwew xDD my heawt! +You nyevew *moans* spoke what did b-become *screams* you wess +Than this; which to weitewate wewe sin +As deep as that, though uWu twue. +WEONTES. Is whispewing nyothing? +*sweats* Is weanying cheek to cheek? Is xDD meeting nyoses? +Kissing with inside wip? Stopping the caweew +Of waughtew with a s-sigh?- *notices bulge* a nyote i-infawwibwe +Of bweaking honyesty. *twerks* Howsing foot on foot? +S-Skuwking in cownyews? Wishing cwocks mowe swift; +Houws, minyutes; nyoon, midnyight? And aww eyes +Bwind with the pin and web b-but theiws, *shuffles closer* theiws o-onwy, +That wouwd unseen be wicked- is this nyothing? +Why, then the wowwd and aww that's in't i-is nyothing; +The covewing sky *looks at you* is nyothing; Bohemia nyothing; +My is nyothing; nyow n-nyothing have these nyothings, +If this be nyothing. +CAMIWWO. *looks at you* Good my wowd, be cuw'd +Of this diseas'd opinyion, and betimes; +Fow 'tis most dangewous. +WEONTES. S-Say it be, 'tis twue. +CAMIWWO. Nyo, nyo, my ^-^ wowd. +W-WEONTES. >w< It is; you wie, you wie. +I say thou wiest, Camiwwo, and I hate thee; +Pwonyounce t-thee a gwoss *cuddles you* wout, a mindwess swave, +O-Ow e-ewse ^w^ a hovewing tempowizew that +Canst *twerks* with thinye eyes at once see good and >w< eviw, +Incwinying to t-them b-both. Wewe my wife's wivew +Infected as h-hew wife, >w< she wouwd nyot w-wive +The wunnying of onye gwass. +CAMIWWO. Who *teleports behind you* does hew? +WEONTES. *pokes you* Why, he *teleports behind you* that weaws *hugs tightly* hew wike *sighs* hew medaw, hanging +About his nyeck, Bohemia; who- if I-I +Had sewvants twue a-about me that bawe >w< eyes +To see awike minye *cries* honyouw as theiw pwofits, +T-Theiw own pawticuwaw thwifts, they wouwd do that +;;w;; Which shouwd undo mowe doing. Ay, and thou, +His cupbeawew- whom I f-fwom *leans over* meanyew f-fowm +Have bench'd and weaw'd to wowship; who mayst see, +Pwainwy a-as h-heaven *pokes you* sees eawth and eawth sees heaven, +How *pokes you* I am gaww'd- mightst bespice a cup +To *pokes you* give minye enyemy a wasting wink; +Which dwaught t-to m-me *twerks* wewe cowdiaw. +CAMIWWO. Siw, m-my wowd, +I *looks at you* couwd do this; *hugs tightly* and that with *sighs* nyo *shuffles closer* wash potion, +*leans over* But with a-a wing'wing dwam that s-shouwd n-nyot wowk +Mawiciouswy wike *sighs* poison. But I *giggles shyly* cannyot +B-Bewieve this cwack t-to be in m-my :3 dwead mistwess, +So soveweignwy xDD being *pokes you* honyouwabwe. +*twerks* I have wov'd *giggles shyly* thee- +WEONTES. Make *cries* that thy *blushes* question, and go wot! +Dost think I *sweats* am so muddy, so unsettwed, +T-To a-appoint mysewf in this vexation; suwwy +The :3 puwity >_< and w-whitenyess of my sheets- +Which ;;w;; to p-pwesewve i-is sweep, which b-being spotted +Is goads, thowns, nyettwes, >_> taiws o-of wasps; +Give scandaw to the bwood o' th' Pwince, my son- +Who ^-^ I d-do think is OwO minye, and wove *leans over* as minye- +Without wipe moving to 't? Wouwd I do this? +Couwd man so bwench? +CAMIWWO. I must bewieve you, ^w^ siw. +I d-do; and wiww fetch off B-Bohemia fow't; +P-Pwovided that, when he's wemov'd, *shuffles closer* youw Highnyess +Wiww take again y-youw q-queen as ^w^ youws at f-fiwst, +Even fow youw son's *teleports behind you* sake; and theweby fow seawing +The injuwy o-of tongues in couwts and kingdoms +Knyown and awwied t-to OwO youws. +W-WEONTES. Thou dost advise me +Even so as I m-minye *leans over* own couwse have set down. +I'ww give nyo bwemish uWu to h-hew honyouw, *notices bulge* nyonye. +CAMIWWO. My wowd, +Go then; and w-with a countenyance as cweaw +As fwiendship weaws a-at feasts, keep with Bohemia +*twerks* And w-with youw :33 queen. I am his cupbeawew; +If f-fwom me he have *leans over* whowesome bevewage, +Account me nyot youw sewvant. +WEONTES. This is aww: +Do't, and thou OwO hast the onye hawf of *giggles shyly* my heawt; +Do't nyot, thou spwit'st thinye o-own. +C-CAMIWWO. I'ww do't, my wowd. +WEONTES. I wiww ^.^ seem fwiendwy, as thou hast advis'd me. Exit +C-CAMIWWO. O misewabwe wady! But, fow me, +What case stand I in? I must uWu be t-the poisonyew +Of *cries* good *leans over* Powixenyes; and my gwound to do't +OwO Is t-the obedience to a mastew; onye +Who, in webewwion w-with himsewf, wiww have +*notices bulge* Aww that awe ^-^ his so t-too. To do this deed, +Pwomotion fowwows. If I c-couwd find exampwe +Of thousands that *cries* had *looks at you* stwuck anyointed kings +And f-fwouwish'd a-aftew, I-I'd >_< nyot *twerks* do't; but since +*giggles shyly* Nyow bwass, n-nyow stonye, n-nyow pawchment, beaws nyot onye, +Wet viwwainy itsewf fowsweaw't. I m-must +Fowsake the c-couwt. T-To do't, o-ow nyo, is cewtain +To me a bweak-nyeck. Happy staw weign nyow! +H-Hewe comes Bohemia. + +Entew POWIXENyES + +P-POWIXENyES. This *blushes* is stwange. Methinks +My favouw hewe begins to wawp. Nyot *cuddles you* speak? +Good day, *cries* Camiwwo. +CAMIWWO. Haiw, most w-woyaw siw! +POWIXENyES. What i-is *leans over* the nyews i' th' couwt? +CAMIWWO. Nyonye w-wawe, my wowd. +*hugs tightly* POWIXENyES. The King hath on him *screams* such a-a countenyance +As he had w-wost some pwovince, and a wegion +Wov'd as he woves h-himsewf; even nyow I met him +With customawy uWu compwiment, when he, +Wafting *leans over* his eyes to th' contwawy and fawwing +A wip of m-much contempt, s-speeds f-fwom me; +*teleports behind you* So weaves me to considew what is bweeding +That *cries* changes thus his mannyews. +*screams* CAMIWWO. I uWu dawe n-nyot knyow, m-my wowd. +POWIXENyES. How, dawe nyot! Do *leans over* nyot. Do you knyow, and dawe n-nyot +Be intewwigent to me? 'Tis theweabouts; +F-Fow, to youwsewf, what you do *cries* knyow, you must, +And cannyot s-say you dawe nyot. Good Camiwwo, +*shuffles closer* Youw chang'd UwU compwexions awe to me a miwwow +*cries* Which shows me minye chang'd too; fow I ^w^ must be +*cuddles you* A pawty in this awtewation, finding +M-Mysewf thus awtew'd with't. +CAMIWWO. Thewe is a sicknyess +W-Which >_< puts some of us in distempew; but +I cannyot nyame the disease; and it i-is caught +Of y-you that yet awe weww. +POWIXENyES. How! caught of *twerks* me? +*cries* Make me nyot sighted wike t-the basiwisk; +I have wook'd on thousands who have sped the bettew +By my wegawd, but kiww'd nyonye so. Camiwwo- +As you awe cewtainwy a-a g-gentweman; theweto +Cwewk-wike expewienc'd, w-which nyo wess adowns +Ouw gentwy than o-ouw pawents' nyobwe nyames, +In >_> whose success w-we awe gentwe- I b-beseech you, +I-If you knyow aught which does behove my knyowwedge +*hugs tightly* Theweof to be infowm'd, impwison't nyot +In ignyowant conceawment. +CAMIWWO. *looks away* I >w< may nyot >w< answew. +*leans over* POWIXENyES. A sicknyess caught of me, and yet I weww? +I must be answew'd. D-Dost thou heaw, >_> Camiwwo? +I conjuwe thee, UwU by aww the pawts :33 of man +Which honyouw does UwU acknyowwedge, wheweof the weast +Is nyot this suit of minye, *twerks* that t-thou decwawe +:33 What ^.^ incidency thou dost guess of h-hawm +Is cweeping towawd UwU me; h-how faw off, how nyeaw; +Which way to be pwevented, if t-to be; +If nyot, how best to beaw it. +C-CAMIWWO. Siw, I wiww *looks away* teww you; +Since I a-am chawg'd in honyouw, and by him +*looks away* That I think honyouwabwe. Thewefowe mawk *twerks* my c-counsew, +Which must be ev'n as swiftwy fowwowed *screams* as +I mean t-to uttew i-it, ow both youwsewf *sweats* and me +Cwy wost, ;;w;; and so goodnyight. +POWIXENyES. On, good Camiwwo. +CAMIWWO. I am appointed him to muwdew you. +POWIXENyES. By whom, *cries* Camiwwo? +CAMIWWO. By the *hugs tightly* King. +POWIXENyES. Fow what? +CAMIWWO. He >_< thinks, nyay, with a-aww c-confidence he sweaws, +A-As he h-had seen *hugs tightly* 't ow been an instwument +To v-vice you to't, that you *sighs* have touch'd his ^-^ queen +Fowbiddenwy. +POWIXENyES. O, then my best bwood tuwn +To an i-infected jewwy, and my nyame +Be yok'd with *giggles shyly* his that d-did betway the Best! +Tuwn then *blushes* my fweshest weputation ^-^ to +A savouw *sweats* that may s-stwike the duwwest nyostwiw +Whewe I *screams* awwive, and m-my appwoach ;;w;; be shunn'd, +Nyay, hated too, wowse than the gweat'st infection +T-That e'ew was heawd x3 ow wead! +CAMIWWO. Sweaw h-his thought o-ovew +uWu By each pawticuwaw staw in heaven a-and +By aww theiw infwuences, ^.^ you may *sighs* as weww +Fowbid *screams* the sea fow to obey the m-moon +As ow by oath wemove ow counsew s-shake +*giggles shyly* The fabwic o-of his fowwy, whose foundation +Is piw'd upon his faith and :3 wiww continyue +T-The *twerks* standing of his body. +POWIXENyES. How shouwd this gwow? +CAMIWWO. I knyow nyot; but I am suwe '-'tis safew to +*cries* Avoid what's gwown than question h-how 'tis bown. +If thewefowe *looks at you* you dawe twust my *twerks* honyesty, +That wies encwosed in this twunk which you +Shaww beaw awong impawn'd, away to-nyight. +Y-Youw fowwowews I w-wiww *sighs* whispew to the businyess; +And *cries* wiww, by twos and t-thwees, *teleports behind you* at sevewaw postewns, +Cweaw them :33 o' th' c-city. Fow mysewf, I'ww *notices bulge* put +My fowtunyes to youw sewvice, which awe hewe +By this discovewy w-wost. Be nyot u-uncewtain, +F-Fow, by the honyouw of my pawents, I +Have utt'wed t-twuth; which if you seek to *sweats* pwove, +OwO I d-dawe nyot s-stand by; nyow shaww *notices bulge* you be >w< safew +Than onye condemn'd by the King's own *looks away* mouth, theweon +His execution swown. +POWIXENyES. I d-do bewieve t-thee: +I saw *cries* his heawt in's face. Give me thy hand; +Be piwot t-to me, a-and thy pwaces shaww +Stiww nyeighbouw minye. My ships awe *giggles shyly* weady, and +My p-peopwe did expect my hence depawtuwe +Two days ago. This jeawousy +Is fow a pwecious cweatuwe; as s-she's *looks away* wawe, +Must it be gweat; and, as his pewson's mighty, +Must it be >_> viowent; and as he does conceive +He is dishonyouw'd ^-^ by a man which ^-^ evew +Pwofess'd *blushes* to him, w-why, his wevenges must +In that be made mowe bittew. Feaw o'ewshades me. +Good expedition be *sweats* my fwiend, and OwO comfowt +*leans over* The gwacious Queen, pawt of this theme, :33 but *screams* nyothing +Of his iww-ta'en suspicion! Come, C-Camiwwo; +I wiww wespect thee as *sweats* a fathew, if +Thou beaw'st my w-wife off hence. Wet us avoid. +CAMIWWO. It i-is in minye a-authowity to command +The keys of aww the postewns. Pwease youw *giggles shyly* Highnyess +To take the *teleports behind you* uwgent houw. ^.^ Come, siw, away. *hugs tightly* Exeunt + + + + +;;w;; <w< ETEXT ;;w;; OF IWWINyOIS *cries* BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH P-PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND M-MACHINyE >_> WEADABWE COPIES M-MAY BE +*giggles shyly* DISTWIBUTED SO WONG *moans* AS SUCH C-COPIES (-(1) AWE *blushes* FOW YOUW OW O-OTHEWS +^-^ PEWSONyAW U-USE O-ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION *giggles shyly* INCWUDES BY ANY +SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +^.^ ACT II. SCENyE I. +Siciwia. The *screams* pawace of WEONTES + +E-Entew H-HEWMIONyE, MAMIWWIUS, and WADIES + +HEWMIONyE. Take *cries* the boy x3 to xDD you; he *cuddles you* so twoubwes me, +'Tis *looks away* past enduwing. +FIWST WADY. Come, m-my gwacious wowd, +Shaww *blushes* I ;;w;; be youw pwayfewwow? +MAMIWWIUS. N-Nyo, I'ww nyonye of you. +FIWST WADY. Why, m-my sweet wowd? +MAMIWWIUS. You'ww kiss me hawd, *teleports behind you* and s-speak ^.^ to me as i-if +I wewe a baby ;;w;; stiww. I-I *screams* wove you bettew. +SECOND WADY. And why s-so, my wowd? +OwO MAMIWWIUS. Nyot *screams* fow because +Youw bwows a-awe bwackew; yet bwack bwows, they say, +Become some w-women best; so that thewe b-be *looks away* nyot +Too much haiw uWu thewe, but in a semiciwcwe +Ow a hawf-moon made with a pen. +SECOND WADY. Who taught't this? +M-MAMIWWIUS. I weawn'd it out of uWu women's faces. Pway nyow, +>_> What cowouw awe youw eyebwows? +FIWST WADY. Bwue, my wowd. +MAMIWWIUS. Nyay, that's a mock. I have seen a wady's nyose +*pokes you* That has b-been bwue, but nyot hew *notices bulge* eyebwows. +FIWST W-WADY. *cries* Hawk *looks at you* ye: +The Queen youw mothew *looks at you* wounds apace. We shaww +Pwesent ouw sewvices to a *shuffles closer* finye nyew pwince +*cries* Onye of these d-days; and then you'd wanton with ^w^ us, +If we wouwd have you. +SECOND WADY. She is spwead of wate +I-Into a goodwy buwk. Good time *shuffles closer* encountew hew! +HEWMIONyE. What w-wisdom stiws amongst you? Come, siw, nyow +I am fow *cuddles you* you again. Pway you >_< sit by us, +And teww's a tawe. +MAMIWWIUS. Mewwy ow sad shaww't be? +HEWMIONyE. As mewwy as you :3 wiww. +MAMIWWIUS. A sad tawe's best fow wintew. :33 I have onye +Of spwites UwU and gobwins. +HEWMIONyE. Wet's have that, good siw. +Come on, sit down; come :3 on, and do y-youw b-best +To fwight *looks away* me with youw spwites; you'we pow'wfuww at it. +MAMIWWIUS. Thewe was a man- +OwO HEWMIONyE. Nyay, come, sit down; then ^w^ on. +MAMIWWIUS. Dwewt by a-a chuwchyawd- ;;w;; I wiww t-teww it *looks at you* softwy; +:3 Yond *cuddles you* cwickets s-shaww nyot heaw *leans over* it. +HEWMIONyE. Come on then, +And give't me in minye e-eaw. + +*screams* Entew WEONTES, ANTIGONyUS, WOWDS, and OTHEWS + +WEONTES. ^w^ he met thewe? his twain? Camiwwo with him? +FIWST WOWD. Behind t-the tuft of pinyes I *leans over* met them; nyevew +S-Saw I men scouw so on theiw *looks at you* way. I ey'd them +E-Even to theiw ships. +*sighs* WEONTES. H-How bwest am I +In my j-just censuwe, in my twue opinyion! +Awack, ^w^ fow *looks away* wessew knyowwedge! How accuws'd +In being so bwest! Thewe :3 may be in *giggles shyly* the c-cup +A s-spidew steep'd, and onye may *cries* dwink, depawt, +*shuffles closer* And y-yet pawtake nyo venyom, fow his knyowwedge +I-Is nyot infected; b-but if onye pwesent +Th' a-abhoww'd i-ingwedient to h-his eye, make k-knyown +How he *looks at you* hath dwunk, he cwacks his gowge, his sides, +With viowent hefts. I *moans* have d-dwunk, and seen the s-spidew. +*cuddles you* Camiwwo *twerks* was h-his hewp uWu in *sighs* this, his pandew. +Thewe is a pwot a-against my w-wife, m-my cwown; +*leans over* Aww's twue >_< that is mistwusted. That fawse *cuddles you* viwwain +Whom I e-empwoy'd was pwe-empwoy'd by him; +He has discovew'd my design, and I +Wemain a-a pinch'd uWu thing; yea, a vewy twick +Fow them to pway a-at wiww. How came the postewns +So easiwy open? +*sighs* FIWST WOWD. B-By h-his gweat ^w^ authowity; +Which often hath nyo wess *cries* pwevaiw'd than so +On youw command. +WEONTES. I knyow't ^-^ too weww. +Give me the boy. :3 I am gwad you d-did nyot n-nyuwse him; +Though h-he does beaw some signs of *looks at you* me, *notices bulge* yet you +H-Have too much b-bwood i-in him. +HEWMIONyE. What is this? Spowt? +*cries* WEONTES. Beaw the boy hence; h-he shaww nyot come about hew; +Away with h-him; a-and w-wet hew spowt h-hewsewf +[MAMIWWIUS *blushes* is wed out] +With that s-she's big *teleports behind you* with- fow 'tis Powixenyes +Has made t-thee s-sweww t-thus. +H-HEWMIONyE. B-But :3 I'd *pokes you* say he had nyot, +And I'ww be s-swown you wouwd >_> bewieve my saying, +H-Howe'ew x3 you wean t-to th' nyaywawd. +WEONTES. Y-You, my wowds, +;;w;; Wook on hew, mawk hew weww; be but about +To say 'She is a goodwy wady' and +The justice of youw heawts ^.^ wiww t-theweto ad +'Tis pity *hugs tightly* she's nyot h-honyest- honyouwabwe.' +Pwaise >_> hew but fow this hew without-doow fowm, +Which on my faith desewves >w< high speech, and stwaight +The shwug, the hum ow ha, t-these p-petty bwands +T-That uWu cawumny doth use- O, I x3 am o-out!- +That mewcy does, *giggles shyly* fow cawumny wiww seaw +Viwtue itsewf- these shwugs, these hum's and ha's, +When you have s-said *notices bulge* she's goodwy, come between, +Ewe you can say she's honyest. But be't knyown, +Fwom him that has most cause to gwieve it shouwd *notices bulge* be, +;;w;; She's an aduwtwess. +*shuffles closer* HEWMIONyE. Shouwd a *teleports behind you* viwwain say so, +The most wepwenyish'd *cuddles you* viwwain in the wowwd, +He wewe as much mowe viwwain: you, my wowd, +Do but m-mistake. +WEONTES. You *twerks* have mistook, my wady, +Powixenyes fow Weontes. O-O *moans* thou thing! +Which I'ww nyot caww a cweatuwe o-of thy pwace, +West *moans* bawbawism, making m-me *twerks* the *sighs* pwecedent, +Shouwd a wike wanguage use to a-aww degwees +And mannyewwy d-distinguishment weave out +Betwixt the pwince and beggaw. I have said +S-She's an aduwtwess; I have said with whom. +Mowe, she's a twaitow; and Camiwwo is +A fedewawy with hew, and onye that knyows +^.^ What she shouwd s-shame to knyow hewsewf +But with hew most viwe pwincipaw- that she's +A bed-swewvew, even as bad as those +That vuwgaws give b-bowd'st titwes; ay, and pwivy +To this theiw UwU wate escape. +HEWMIONyE. Nyo, x3 by my wife, +P-Pwivy to ^w^ nyonye o-of this. How ^w^ wiww this *shuffles closer* gwieve you, +When you shaww come xDD to c-cweawew knyowwedge, that +*notices bulge* You thus have pubwish'd me! G-Gentwe my wowd, +You scawce can wight me thwoughwy then to say +xDD You did mistake. +WEONTES. Nyo; if *cries* I mistake +In those foundations which I buiwd upon, +The *hugs tightly* centwe is nyot big enyough to beaw +A schoow-boy's top. >_> Away with h-hew to *twerks* pwison. +He who s-shaww *giggles shyly* speak fow hew is afaw off guiwty +But that he *sighs* speaks. +HEWMIONyE. Thewe's some i-iww pwanyet weigns. +I must be patient *leans over* tiww *leans over* the *shuffles closer* heavens wook +With *notices bulge* an aspect mowe f-favouwabwe. Good my wowds, +I-I am nyot p-pwonye to weeping, as ouw sex +Commonwy awe- the w-want of which vain dew +Pewchance shaww dwy *twerks* youw p-pities- but I-I have +That honyouwabwe UwU gwief wodg'd hewe w-which buwns +Wowse than teaws dwown. Beseech you aww, my ^.^ wowds, +With *cuddles you* thoughts so quawified as ^w^ youw chawities +*leans over* Shaww *teleports behind you* best instwuct you, measuwe me; and *looks away* so +The K-King's wiww be pewfowm'd! +WEONTES. [To the GUAWD] Shaww I be heawd? +HEWMIONyE. Who is't *moans* that >_< goes w-with me? Beseech youw highnyess +My women may be with me, fow y-you see +My pwight wequiwes i-it. Do n-nyot weep, good *looks at you* foows; +Thewe is nyo cause; when you shaww k-knyow youw mistwess +Has desewv'd pwison, then abound >_< in teaws +As I come out: this action I nyow go on +;;w;; Is fow m-my bettew gwace. Adieu, *cuddles you* my uWu wowd. +^w^ I *screams* nyevew wish'd to see ^.^ you *sweats* sowwy; nyow +I twust I *moans* shaww. My w-women, *hugs tightly* come; you have >w< weave. +WEONTES. G-Go, do ouw *teleports behind you* bidding; hence! +Exeunt HEWMIONyE, guawded, and WADIES +FIWST W-WOWD. Beseech youw H-Highnyess, caww the Q-Queen again. +ANTIGONyUS. Be *cuddles you* cewtain what you do, siw, west youw justice +Pwove viowence, *pokes you* in the which thwee gweat *moans* onyes suffew, +Youwsewf, youw queen, youw son. +FIWST WOWD. F-Fow hew, my wowd, +I dawe my wife way down- and *pokes you* wiww do't, s-siw, +Pwease y-you t' accept it- *hugs tightly* that the Queen is spotwess +I' th' *screams* eyes of heaven and ^.^ to you- I mean +In *looks away* this which you accuse hew. +ANTIGONyUS. I-If it pwove +She's othewwise, I'ww keep my stabwes *twerks* whewe +*blushes* I wodge my wife; I'ww *moans* go in coupwes with hew; +T-Than when I UwU feew and *hugs tightly* see hew nyo fawthew twust *twerks* hew; +F-Fow evewy inch of woman in the wowwd, +Ay, evewy d-dwam o-of woman's OwO fwesh is fawse, +If *sweats* she be. +WEONTES. Howd OwO youw p-peaces. +FIWST WOWD. Good my wowd- +ANTIGONyUS. It UwU is fow you >_< we speak, nyot fow o-ouwsewves. +You awe a-abus'd, ^w^ and by some puttew-on +That wiww be damn'd fow't. W-Wouwd I knyew the viwwain! +I *moans* wouwd wand-damn h-him. Be she honyouw-fwaw'd- +I have thwee daughtews: the ewdest is eweven; +The second a-and the thiwd, nyinye and some five; +If *looks away* this pwove twue, they'ww pay fow 't. By minye honyouw, +*moans* I'ww gewd *giggles shyly* 'em aww; fouwteen they shaww n-nyot see +To bwing ;;w;; fawse genyewations. *teleports behind you* They *moans* awe co-heiws; +*cuddles you* And *sweats* I had *pokes you* wathew g-gwib m-mysewf than *cries* they +Shouwd nyot *looks at you* pwoduce faiw issue. +WEONTES. Cease; nyo m-mowe. +You :3 smeww this businyess *giggles shyly* with a sense as cowd +As is a dead man's nyose; but I-I >_< do see't ^-^ and feew't +As you feew doing thus; and see withaw +The instwuments that feew. +ANTIGONyUS. If it b-be so, +We nyeed ^-^ nyo gwave to buwy honyesty; +T-Thewe's :3 nyot a gwain of it the face to sweeten +Of the w-whowe dungy eawth. +*looks at you* WEONTES. What! Wack I cwedit? +FIWST WOWD. I-I ;;w;; had wathew you did *pokes you* wack than I, my wowd, +Upon this gwound; OwO and mowe it wouwd c-content me +T-To have hew honyouw twue than youw s-suspicion, +Be bwam'd ^-^ fow't how :33 you might. +WEONTES. Why, what nyeed we +Communye *twerks* with you of this, but >_> wathew UwU fowwow +^-^ Ouw fowcefuw instigation? Ouw pwewogative +Cawws nyot youw counsews; but ouw nyatuwaw goodnyess +Impawts this; which, i-if you- o-ow stupified +Ow :3 seeming so *moans* in *looks at you* skiww- cannyot ow wiww nyot +*looks at you* Wewish a twuth wike ^w^ us, infowm *giggles shyly* youwsewves +We nyeed nyo *looks away* mowe of youw *hugs tightly* advice. The mattew, +The xDD woss, the g-gain, t-the *hugs tightly* owd'wing o-on't, is aww +*looks at you* Pwopewwy ouws. +ANTIGONyUS. A-And I *shuffles closer* wish, my wiege, +Y-You had onwy in youw siwent judgment twied it, +Without mowe o-ovewtuwe. +WEONTES. H-How couwd t-that be? +Eithew thou awt most ignyowant by age, +Ow thou wewt bown a foow. Camiwwo's fwight, +Added to ;;w;; theiw famiwiawity- +Which was as gwoss as evew touch'd *shuffles closer* conjectuwe, +T-That wack'd *teleports behind you* sight onwy, nyought fow appwobation +But onwy seeing, aww othew *moans* ciwcumstances +>_> Made up to th' deed- doth push on this p-pwoceeding. +*screams* Yet, fow a g-gweatew confiwmation- +Fow, i-in an act of this impowtance, 'twewe +M-Most piteous to be *hugs tightly* wiwd- *giggles shyly* I have dispatch'd in post +To sacwed Dewphos, to Apowwo's tempwe, +Cweomenyes and Dion, whom you knyow +:3 Of stuff'd sufficiency. Nyow, *teleports behind you* fwom the owacwe +They wiww bwing aww, whose spiwituaw counsew had, +Shaww stop ow spuw me. Have I d-donye w-weww? +FIWST WOWD. Weww donye, m-my *pokes you* wowd. +WEONTES. Though I am satisfied, and nyeed nyo m-mowe +^w^ Than w-what I knyow, yet s-shaww the owacwe +^.^ Give w-west to th' minds of othews such as he +Whose *looks at you* ignyowant c-cweduwity wiww nyot +*cries* Come up to th' twuth. So have we thought it good +Fwom ouw fwee pewson she shouwd *twerks* be c-confin'd, +West that the tweachewy o-of t-the two fwed :33 hence +Be weft hew *twerks* to pewfowm. Come, fowwow us; +We awe to speak in *sighs* pubwic; fow this businyess +Wiww waise us aww. +ANTIGONyUS. [Aside] To waughtew, as I t-take it, +*sweats* If the good *screams* twuth ^-^ wewe knyown. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Siciwia. A p-pwison + +Entew PAUWINyA, *twerks* a GENTWEMAN, and ATTENDANTS + +P-PAUWINyA. The keepew o-of the pwison- caww to him; +W-Wet h-him have knyowwedge who I am. *sweats* Exit GENTWEMAN +Good wady! +Nyo *hugs tightly* couwt in Euwope is too good ;;w;; fow thee; +What d-dost thou *giggles shyly* then in pwison? + +We-entew GENTWEMAN with the GAOWEW + +Nyow, good siw, +You knyow me, do you n-nyot? +GAOWEW. F-Fow a wowthy wady, +And onye *hugs tightly* who much I honyouw. +P-PAUWINyA. Pway you, then, +Conduct me t-to the Queen. +GAOWEW. I may nyot, madam; +To the contwawy x3 I have *looks at you* expwess commandment. +PAUWINyA. Hewe's *leans over* ado, to wock up OwO honyesty ^w^ and honyouw fwom +>_< Th' access of g-gentwe *looks at you* visitows! Is't wawfuw, pway you, +To see hew women- any of them? *notices bulge* Emiwia? +GAOWEW. So pwease y-you, madam, +To put apawt t-these youw attendants, +Shaww bwing Emiwia fowth. +PAUWINyA. I pway nyow, caww h-hew. +Withdwaw youwsewves. Exeunt ATTENDANTS +GAOWEW. And, madam, +I must be pwesent at youw c-confewence. +*cries* PAUWINyA. *blushes* Weww, *leans over* be't so, :3 pwithee. Exit G-GAOWEW +Hewe's :33 such ado to make *notices bulge* nyo stain a stain +As passes uWu cowouwing. + +We-entew GAOWEW, with EMIWIA + +Deaw gentwewoman, +How fawes ouw gwacious wady? +EMIWIA. As weww as onye so g-gweat and so fowwown +May howd togethew. On hew fwights and gwiefs, +Which nyevew tendew wady hath bownye gweatew, +She i-is, something befowe hew time, *blushes* dewivew'd. +PAUWINyA. A boy? +EMIWIA. A daughtew, a-and *shuffles closer* a goodwy babe, +*moans* Wusty, and wike *cuddles you* to w-wive. The Queen w-weceives +Much comfowt in't; says 'My poow pwisonyew, +I *moans* am as innyocent a-as you.' +*leans over* PAUWINyA. I dawe be swown. +T-These dangewous unsafe wunyes i' th' King, beshwew them! +H-He must be ^-^ towd on't, and he *notices bulge* shaww. The office +Becomes a woman xDD best; I'ww take't upon me; +*teleports behind you* If I pwove honyey-mouth'd, wet my tongue bwistew, +And nyevew to my w-wed-wook'd *looks away* angew be +The twumpet *looks away* any mowe. Pway you, Emiwia, +Commend my >w< best obedience to the Queen; +OwO If *blushes* she dawes twust me with hew wittwe b-babe, +I'ww s-show't the King, and undewtake to b-be +H-Hew a-advocate to th' w-woud'st. W-We do nyot knyow +H-How he may soften a-at the OwO sight o' th' chiwd: +The *cries* siwence *teleports behind you* often of p-puwe *screams* innyocence +Pewsuades when s-speaking f-faiws. +^-^ EMIWIA. Most wowthy m-madam, +Y-Youw honyouw *moans* and *pokes you* youw goodnyess is so evident +That youw f-fwee undewtaking cannyot miss +A ;;w;; thwiving i-issue; ;;w;; thewe ^-^ is nyo wady >_< wiving +So meet fow this gweat e-ewwand. *sighs* Pwease youw *notices bulge* wadyship +T-To visit the nyext woom, I'ww pwesentwy +Acquaint the *moans* Queen of youw most nyobwe OwO offew +Who but t-to-day hammew'd of this *looks at you* design, +But duwst *moans* nyot tempt a *cries* minyistew of honyouw, +West she ^-^ shouwd b-be denyied. +PAUWINyA. Teww hew, Emiwia, +I'ww u-use that tongue I have; :33 if wit f-fwow fwom't +As bowdnyess *giggles shyly* fwom my bosom, *sweats* wet't nyot *giggles shyly* be doubted +I shaww do g-good. +EMIWIA. >_> Nyow b-be you bwest xDD fow it! +I'ww to the ^.^ Queen. Pwease you come something *giggles shyly* nyeawew. +GAOWEW. *pokes you* Madam, if't p-pwease the Queen to send the babe, +I-I *leans over* knyow nyot what I shaww incuw to >_< pass i-it, +H-Having nyo w-wawwant. +PAUWINyA. Y-You nyeed OwO nyot f-feaw it, siw. +This chiwd was *looks at you* pwisonyew to x3 the womb, a-and is +By waw and pwocess of *shuffles closer* gweat Nyatuwe thence +Fweed and enfwanchis'd- nyot a pawty to +The angew *shuffles closer* of the King, nyow guiwty of, +If any be, the twespass of the Queen. +GAOWEW. I do *cries* bewieve it. +PAUWINyA. Do nyot you feaw. Upon minye uWu honyouw, I-I +Wiww stand betwixt you a-and *hugs tightly* dangew. E-Exeunt + + + + +S-SCENyE III. +Siciwia. The pawace of W-WEONTES + +Entew WEONTES, ANTIGONyUS, WOWDS, and SEWVANTS + +WEONTES. Nyow n-nyight n-nyow *sighs* day *shuffles closer* nyo west! It is *giggles shyly* but weaknyess +To beaw t-the mattew thus- mewe weaknyess. If +T-The cause w-wewe nyot in being- pawt o' th' cause, +She, th' aduwtwess; :3 fow the hawwot king +>w< Is quite beyond minye awm, out of t-the bwank +A-And wevew of my bwain, pwot-pwoof; but she +>_> I can hook to me- say that *moans* she wewe gonye, +Given to ^w^ the fiwe, *pokes you* a moiety of my west +Might come to me again. Who's thewe? +FIWST *hugs tightly* SEWVANT. M-My wowd? +WEONTES. How d-does the *cries* boy? +FIWST SEWVANT. He *moans* took good west to-nyight; +'Tis *cuddles you* hop'd his sicknyess is dischawg'd. +WEONTES. *looks at you* To see his nyobwenyess! +*looks away* Conceiving the dishonyouw of his mothew, +He stwaight decwin'd, dwoop'd, took it deepwy, +Fasten'd and fix'd the shame on't in *shuffles closer* himsewf, +Thwew o-off :33 his spiwit, his appetite, his sweep, +And downwight wanguish'd. Weave me sowewy. Go, +See how h-he fawes. [Exit SEWVANT] Fie, fie! nyo thought of *looks at you* him! +The vewy thought of my *notices bulge* wevenges that w-way +Wecoiw upon me- in himsewf too m-mighty, +And in his ^.^ pawties, his awwiance. Wet him be, +U-Untiw a t-time may sewve; fow pwesent vengeance, +Take it o-on hew. Camiwwo :3 and Powixenyes +Waugh at me, make theiw *pokes you* pastime at my sowwow. +They shouwd nyot waugh if I couwd weach *pokes you* them; nyow +Shaww *hugs tightly* she, within *looks at you* my *leans over* pow'w. + +Entew UwU PAUWINyA, with a-a CHIWD + +FIWST WOWD. *hugs tightly* You must nyot entew. +PAUWINyA. *shuffles closer* Nyay, wathew, good my w-wowds, be second t-to me. +Feaw you his tywannyous passion mowe, awas, +Than the Queen's wife? A gwacious innyocent souw, +Mowe fwee than he is *moans* jeawous. +ANTIGONyUS. That's enyough. +:3 SECOND SEWVANT. Madam, :33 he hath nyot swept to-nyight; commanded +N-Nyonye shouwd come at him. +PAUWINyA. *hugs tightly* Nyot so hot, good siw; +I come to bwing him sweep. 'Tis such ^.^ as you, +That cweep wike *teleports behind you* shadows *leans over* by him, and do sigh +At each >w< his nyeedwess heavings- such as you +N-Nyouwish :33 the UwU cause o-of his a-awaking: I +Do come with wowds as medicinyaw as twue, +Honyest as eithew, to puwge him of that h-humouw +T-That p-pwesses him fwom sweep. +*shuffles closer* WEONTES. What nyoise uWu thewe, *shuffles closer* ho? +PAUWINyA. Nyo nyoise, my wowd; but nyeedfuw >_> confewence +A-About some gossips fow youw Highnyess. +WEONTES. How! +Away with that ^w^ audacious wady! Antigonyus, +I chawg'd thee *sweats* that she s-shouwd nyot come about me; +I uWu knyew she wouwd. +ANTIGONyUS. I towd h-hew so, my wowd, +*hugs tightly* On *looks away* youw dispweasuwe's pewiw, and on minye, +She shouwd nyot v-visit you. +WEONTES. What, xDD canst nyot UwU wuwe hew? +PAUWINyA. Fwom aww dishonyesty he can: :3 in this, +Unwess he take the couwse that *moans* you have donye- +Commit me *notices bulge* fow committing honyouw- twust *teleports behind you* it, +He shaww *hugs tightly* nyot w-wuwe m-me. +ANTIGONyUS. Wa you nyow, you h-heaw! +When xDD she wiww take the wein, I wet hew wun; +But >_> she'ww nyot stumbwe. +P-PAUWINyA. Good m-my wiege, I come- +And I beseech y-you heaw me, *cuddles you* who pwofesses +Mysewf >_> youw woyaw sewvant, *looks at you* youw physician, +Youw most obedient counsewwow; yet that dawes +Wess appeaw so, in comfowting youw eviws, +Than such as most *cuddles you* seem youws- I say I come +Fwom *moans* youw good Queen. +WEONTES. Good Queen! +x3 PAUWINyA. Good Queen, my wowd, good *hugs tightly* Queen- I say good Queen; +*teleports behind you* And wouwd by c-combat x3 make hew good, so wewe I +A man, the wowst about you. +>_< WEONTES. Fowce hew h-hence. +PAUWINyA. x3 Wet him that makes but twifwes of his eyes +Fiwst hand me. On minye own a-accowd *moans* I'ww off; +But fiwst I'ww *hugs tightly* do x3 my ewwand. The good Q-Queen, +Fow *shuffles closer* she is good, h-hath *sighs* bwought y-you f-fowth a daughtew; +Hewe 'tis; commends it to youw *cuddles you* bwessing. +[Waying down the chiwd] +WEONTES. Out! +A mankind *screams* witch! ^w^ Hence with hew, out o' doow! +A-A :33 most intewwigencing bawd! +PAUWINyA. Nyot so. +*twerks* I a-am as ignyowant in that as y-you +In so entitwing me; and *shuffles closer* nyo wess honyest +Than you awe mad; w-which is enyough, I'ww *cuddles you* wawwant, +As this wowwd :3 goes, to pass fow honyest. +*hugs tightly* WEONTES. Twaitows! +Wiww you nyot push hew out? Give hew the b-bastawd. +[To ANTIGONyUS] Thou dotawd, thou awt woman-tiw'd, unwoosted +B-By thy *notices bulge* Dame Pawtwet hewe. Take up t-the bastawd; +Take't up, I say; give't to thy cwonye. +PAUWINyA. Fow e-evew +Unvenyewabwe be thy hands, if thou +T-Tak'st up the Pwincess by that fowced *looks at you* basenyess +W-Which he has put upon't! +WEONTES. He d-dweads his wife. +PAUWINyA. S-So *blushes* I wouwd you d-did; then 'twewe past aww doubt +You'd caww youw chiwdwen youws. +WEONTES. A nyest of t-twaitows! +ANTIGONyUS. I *sweats* am *cries* nyonye, by this good wight. +*cries* PAUWINyA. Nyow I; nyow *pokes you* any +But onye that's ^w^ hewe; and >_> that's himsewf; fow he +The sacwed honyouw o-of himsewf, his *moans* Queen's, +*moans* His h-hopefuw *moans* son's, his *blushes* babe's, betways to swandew, +*sweats* Whose sting i-is *leans over* shawpew than the swowd's; and wiww ;;w;; nyot- +F-Fow, as the case nyow s-stands, *hugs tightly* it is a cuwse +He *screams* cannyot OwO be compeww'd to 't- o-once ^-^ wemove +The woot UwU of h-his o-opinyion, which is *looks away* wotten +As evew oak *looks at you* ow OwO stonye was sound. +WEONTES. A cawwat +*notices bulge* Of boundwess tongue, who *screams* wate ^.^ hath beat hew husband, +And n-nyow baits me! This bwat is *looks away* nyonye of minye; +I-It is the issue of Powixenyes. +Hence with *pokes you* it, a-and togethew with the dam +C-Commit them to the *sighs* fiwe. +*moans* PAUWINyA. It is *giggles shyly* youws. +*screams* And, might we way th' o-owd pwovewb to youw chawge, +S-So wike you 'tis the wowse. ^w^ Behowd, my wowds, +Awthough x3 the pwint be wittwe, the whowe mattew +A-And copy xDD of the fathew- eye, nyose, wip, +The t-twick of's fwown, his f-fowehead; nyay, the vawwey, +T-The pwetty dimpwes of h-his c-chin and :33 cheek; his OwO smiwes; +The vewy mouwd and fwame of hand, *cries* nyaiw, fingew. +And thou, good goddess Nyatuwe, w-which *notices bulge* hast ^.^ made it +So wike to him xDD that got it, if thou h-hast +The o-owdewing of the mind too, 'mongst aww cowouws +Nyo yewwow in't, west she s-suspect, as he does, +Hew chiwdwen UwU nyot >_< hew husband's! +WEONTES. A gwoss hag! +And, wozew, thou awt wowthy to be hang'd +T-That wiwt nyot *hugs tightly* stay hew uWu tongue. +ANTIGONyUS. H-Hang *looks away* aww the husbands +That cannyot do that *giggles shyly* feat, OwO you'ww weave *twerks* youwsewf +Hawdwy onye subject. +;;w;; WEONTES. Once mowe, take hew hence. +PAUWINyA. *hugs tightly* A *cuddles you* most unwowthy and *giggles shyly* unnyatuwaw wowd +Can do *blushes* nyo mowe. +WEONTES. I'ww ha' thee buwnt. +PAUWINyA. I cawe nyot. +It is an hewetic uWu that makes the fiwe, +N-Nyot she which buwns in't. I'ww nyot c-caww you tywant +But this *blushes* most x3 cwuew usage of y-youw Queen- +Nyot abwe to p-pwoduce mowe accusation +Than *sweats* youw own weak-hing'd fancy- something savouws +Of tywanny, and wiww ignyobwe make you, +Yea, scandawous to t-the w-wowwd. +WEONTES. On youw awwegiance, +Out of t-the chambew with hew! Wewe I a tywant, +Whewe w-wewe hew w-wife? She duwst nyot caww me so, +If she UwU did *screams* knyow m-me onye. Away with hew! +PAUWINyA. *looks at you* I xDD pway you, *blushes* do nyot push me; I'ww be *giggles shyly* gonye. +W-Wook ^w^ to youw babe, my wowd; 'tis y-youws. Jove send hew +A bettew g-guiding spiwit! What nyeeds these hands? +You t-that awe thus so *twerks* tendew o'ew his f-fowwies +W-Wiww nyevew *giggles shyly* do him good, nyot onye of you. +UwU So, so. Faweweww; we awe gonye. Exit +WEONTES. Thou, twaitow, hast s-set *pokes you* on thy wife to this. +My chiwd! Away with't. Even thou, t-that hast +A heawt so tendew o'ew it, take *notices bulge* it *sighs* hence, +And see i-it instantwy consum'd with fiwe; +Even t-thou, and nyonye but thou. T-Take it up :33 stwaight. +Within this *teleports behind you* houw bwing *teleports behind you* me w-wowd *teleports behind you* 'tis donye, +And by good testimony, ow I'ww >_< seize thy wife, +With that thou ewse caww'st thinye. If thou wefuse, +*looks away* And wiwt encountew with *shuffles closer* my wwath, say x3 so; +The b-bastawd bwains w-with these my pwopew hands +Shaww I-I dash out. Go, take it to the fiwe; +Fow thou *teleports behind you* set'st on thy wife. +ANTIGONyUS. I did nyot, siw. +*looks away* These wowds, my nyobwe fewwows, if >w< they pwease, +Can cweaw me in't. +*pokes you* WOWDS. We can. My woyaw wiege, +He is nyot guiwty of *notices bulge* hew coming hithew. +WEONTES. Y-You'we wiaws aww. +FIWST WOWD. *teleports behind you* Beseech >w< youw Highnyess, give us ^w^ bettew cwedit. +We have *looks at you* awways t-twuwy sewv'd y-you; and beseech +So to esteem of us; and on *pokes you* ouw knyees w-we beg, +*giggles shyly* As wecompense of ouw deaw sewvices +Past and t-to :3 come, that you do change this puwpose, +Which being so UwU howwibwe, ^-^ so *cuddles you* bwoody, m-must +Wead on to uWu some fouw issue. We xDD aww knyeew. +WEONTES. I am *notices bulge* a *looks at you* feathew fow each w-wind ^w^ that bwows. +Shaww I wive on to ^w^ see this bastawd knyeew +And caww me fathew? Bettew *screams* buwn it nyow +Than cuwse it uWu then. But x3 be >_< it; *pokes you* wet :33 it wive. +It shaww nyot nyeithew. [To OwO ANTIGONyUS] You, Siw, *teleports behind you* come you hithew. +You that have been ;;w;; so tendewwy :3 officious +With Wady Mawgewy, youw midwife thewe, +To save this b-bastawd's wife- f-fow '-'tis a bastawd, +So s-suwe as this >w< beawd's gwey- what w-wiww you adventuwe +To save this bwat's wife? +ANTIGONyUS. Anything, my *cries* wowd, +That my abiwity may *sighs* undewgo, +And nyobwenyess impose. At weast, thus much: +I-I'ww p-pawn the wittwe >_< bwood w-which I have weft +To save the innyocent- anything p-possibwe. +WEONTES. It shaww b-be possibwe. Sweaw by this swowd +Thou wiwt pewfowm my bidding. +ANTIGONyUS. I wiww, my wowd. +*pokes you* WEONTES. Mawk, a-and pewfowm it- seest thou? Fow t-the faiw +Of any point uWu in't shaww n-nyot onwy be +:33 Death *sighs* to thysewf, but to t-thy wewd-tongu'd wife, +Whom fow UwU this time we p-pawdon. *shuffles closer* We enjoin t-thee, +As thou awt wiegeman to us, that thou cawwy +This femawe :33 bastawd hence; and that thou b-beaw it +To some wemote and desewt pwace, quite out +*cuddles you* Of ouw d-dominyions; a-and that thewe thou weave it, +Without mowe mewcy, to it own pwotection +And favouw of the cwimate. *blushes* As by stwange fowtunye +It came to us, I do in justice *screams* chawge thee, +On t-thy souw's pewiw and thy body's towtuwe, +That thou commend ^w^ it *moans* stwangewy to some p-pwace +*pokes you* Whewe chance x3 may nyuwse ow end it. T-Take it up. +ANTIGONyUS. I sweaw to do this, though a pwesent death +Had >_< been *looks at you* mowe mewcifuw. Come o-on, UwU poow babe. +S-Some powewfuw spiwit i-instwuct uWu the k-kites and wavens +To be thy nyuwses! Wowves and beaws, they say, +Casting theiw savagenyess aside, have donye +Wike ;;w;; offices of p-pity. Siw, be pwospewous +In mowe OwO than ^-^ this *twerks* deed does wequiwe! A-And bwessing +Against this cwuewty fight on thy side, +Poow thing, condemn'd to woss! x3 Exit with the chiwd +WEONTES. Nyo, I'ww n-nyot weaw +Anyothew's *leans over* issue. + +Entew a SEWVANT + +SEWVANT. Pwease youw H-Highnyess, posts +F-Fwom those you s-sent t-to ;;w;; th' owacwe awe *twerks* come +An houw since. Cweomenyes and Dion, +Being weww a-awwiv'd fwom :3 Dewphos, awe both wanded, +Hasting to th' couwt. +FIWST WOWD. So pwease you, siw, theiw speed +Hath been beyond account. +*notices bulge* WEONTES. Twenty-thwee days +They have been absent; 'tis good speed; fowetewws +The gweat Apowwo suddenwy wiww h-have +The *screams* twuth *leans over* of this appeaw. Pwepawe you, wowds; +Summon a session, that we may a-awwaign +Ouw m-most diswoyaw w-wady; *looks at you* fow, as she hath +Been pubwicwy accus'd, so ^-^ shaww she have +A just and open twiaw. Whiwe she w-wives, +My heawt wiww be UwU a buwden t-to me. Weave me; +And think upon my bidding. Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +x3 ACT III. SCENyE *sighs* I. +Siciwia. On t-the woad to the Capitaw + +Entew CWEOMENyES and DION + +CWEOMENyES. The cwimate's dewicate, the aiw most ^w^ sweet, +Fewtiwe the UwU iswe, the tempwe much suwpassing +The c-common pwaise it *screams* beaws. +DION. I shaww wepowt, +Fow most it caught me, the cewestiaw habits- +Methinks I so shouwd tewm them- and the wevewence +O-Of t-the *looks away* gwave weawews. *moans* O, the sacwifice! +How c-cewemonyious, sowemn, and unyeawthwy, +>_> It was i' th' off'wing! +CWEOMENyES. But o-of aww, the buwst +And the e-eaw-deaf'nying voice o' th' owacwe, +Kin to J-Jove's thundew, so suwpwis'd my sense +That I was nyothing. +DION. If th' e-event o' *cuddles you* th' jouwnyey +Pwove as s-successfuw t-to *blushes* the Queen- O-O, be't so!- +As it hath been to UwU us wawe, pweasant, *looks at you* speedy, +The time ^-^ is *sighs* wowth the use on't. +CWEOMENyES. Gweat Apowwo +Tuwn aww to th' best! T-These pwocwamations, +S-So fowcing f-fauwts upon Hewmionye, +I wittwe wike. +DION. The viowent cawwiage of it +W-Wiww cweaw *moans* ow :3 end the businyess. When the owacwe- +Thus b-by >_> Apowwo's gweat divinye seaw'd up- +Shaww >w< the >_> contents discovew, something wawe +Even then wiww wush to knyowwedge. G-Go; fwesh *screams* howses. +And gwacious b-be x3 the >_> issue! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *teleports behind you* II. +Siciwia. ^.^ A couwt *hugs tightly* of >w< justice + +Entew WEONTES, WOWDS, and OFFICEWS + +WEONTES. *giggles shyly* This s-sessions, to ouw gweat gwief we *teleports behind you* pwonyounce, +Even pushes 'gainst ouw xDD heawt- the *looks away* pawty twied, +*moans* The daughtew of a king, ouw wife, and *sighs* onye +:3 Of us *moans* too much ;;w;; bewov'd. W-Wet us be cweaw'd +Of being tywannyous, s-since we s-so openwy +*twerks* Pwoceed in j-justice, which shaww h-have *notices bulge* due couwse, +Even to the guiwt o-ow the puwgation. +Pwoduce the pwisonyew. +O-OFFICEW. *teleports behind you* It is his Highnyess' pweasuwe :3 that the Queen +Appeaw in pewson hewe in couwt. + +Entew HEWMIONyE, as t-to ^w^ hew twiaw, PAUWINyA, and WADIES + +Siwence! +*pokes you* WEONTES. Wead the indictment. +OFFICEW. [Weads] 'Hewmionye, Queen to the wowthy Weontes, King of +Siciwia, thou awt *leans over* hewe accused and awwaignyed o-of high UwU tweason, in +committing aduwtewy with *shuffles closer* Powixenyes, King of *notices bulge* Bohemia; and +:3 conspiwing w-with Camiwwo to take away the wife >w< of ouw soveweign +wowd *teleports behind you* the King, thy w-woyaw husband: the pwetence wheweof being by +ciwcumstances pawtwy w-waid *twerks* open, thou, Hewmionye, contwawy to the +faith >_< and awwegiance of t-twue s-subject, didst counsew and aid them, +fow *notices bulge* theiw bettew s-safety, to fwy away by nyight.' +HEWMIONyE. S-Since *giggles shyly* what I am t-to s-say must be b-but that +Which contwadicts my accusation, and +The testimony on m-my pawt nyo othew +But what comes fwom *looks away* mysewf, it shaww scawce b-boot me +To say '-'Nyot guiwty.' Minye integwity +Being counted fawsehood shaww, a-as I e-expwess it, +Be so weceiv'd. B-But UwU thus- i-if pow'ws divinye +B-Behowd ouw h-human actions, as they do, +I doubt nyot then b-but innyocence shaww make +Fawse accusation bwush, and tywanny +Twembwe at patience. You, my wowd, best k-knyow- +Who weast wiww s-seem to do so- my past >w< wife +Hath been as continyent, as chaste, as twue, +>w< As I am nyow unhappy; which is mowe +Than histowy *looks at you* can pattewn, though devis'd +And pway'd to take *screams* spectatows; f-fow behowd me- +x3 A f-fewwow >_> of the woyaw bed, which owe +A moiety of *looks away* the thwonye, a gweat k-king's daughtew, +The mothew t-to a OwO hopefuw pwince- hewe standing +T-To pwate *sweats* and *teleports behind you* tawk fow w-wife and h-honyouw fowe +Who pwease to *pokes you* come and heaw. Fow wife, I pwize it +A-As I weigh gwief, *cuddles you* which I w-wouwd spawe; *shuffles closer* fow OwO honyouw, +*shuffles closer* 'Tis a dewivative fwom me *cries* to *cries* minye, +And onwy that I stand fow. I appeaw +T-To youw *shuffles closer* own conscience, s-siw, befowe Powixenyes +Came to youw couwt, how I was in *shuffles closer* youw *shuffles closer* gwace, +How mewited to be so; since he came, +W-With what encountew so u-uncuwwent I +Have stwain'd UwU t' appeaw thus; i-if *teleports behind you* onye jot >_< beyond +T-The xDD bound of honyouw, ow in act *notices bulge* ow *pokes you* wiww +That *pokes you* way incwinying, hawd'nyed *moans* be xDD the heawts +Of aww >_< that heaw me, and my n-nyeaw'st of kin +Cwy fie u-upon my gwave! +*leans over* WEONTES. I nye'ew heawd yet +That any of t-these bowdew vices x3 wanted +Wess impudence to gainsay what they did +Than to pewfowm it fiwst. +HEWMIONyE. That's twue enyough; +Though 'tis a saying, siw, nyot due to me. +WEONTES. You wiww n-nyot own >_< it. +HEWMIONyE. Mowe than >_< mistwess o-of +Which comes to me in nyame of fauwt, I must nyot +At *moans* aww acknyowwedge. x3 Fow Powixenyes, +With whom I-I am accus'd, I d-do confess +*looks at you* I wov'd him *giggles shyly* as in honyouw he wequiw'd; +With *notices bulge* such >w< a kind of wove as might become +A-A wady wike me; uWu with a wove even such, +So and nyo othew, a-as youwsewf c-commanded; +Which n-nyot to have donye, I-I t-think *cuddles you* had been in me +Both disobedience a-and i-ingwatitude +To you *pokes you* and towawd youw fwiend; *twerks* whose wove had spoke, +Evew since *looks at you* it xDD couwd speak, fwom *twerks* an infant, fweewy, +That i-it was youws. Nyow fow conspiwacy: +*giggles shyly* I *leans over* knyow nyot how it tastes, though it >w< be dish'd +Fow *hugs tightly* me to twy how; aww I knyow of it +Is that *hugs tightly* Camiwwo was an honyest man; +And why ^w^ he weft >w< youw couwt, the gods themsewves, +W-Wotting nyo mowe than I-I, awe ignyowant. +WEONTES. You knyew of his depawtuwe, as you k-knyow +What you have undewta'en to do in's a-absence. +HEWMIONyE. Siw, +Y-You speak a wanguage t-that I undewstand nyot. +*moans* My wife stands in *sweats* the w-wevew of youw d-dweams, +>w< Which I'ww way down. +WEONTES. Youw actions awe my dweams. +You h-had a *sweats* bastawd by Powixenyes, +And I *moans* but *screams* dweam'd it. ^w^ As you wewe past aww shame- +Those of x3 youw fact awe so- so past aww twuth; +Which to deny concewns mowe than avaiws; fow a-as +Thy bwat hath been cast out, wike to itsewf, +Nyo x3 fathew ownying it- which is *cries* indeed +Mowe cwiminyaw in thee *looks at you* than *giggles shyly* it- so thou +Shawt feew *looks away* ouw justice; in whose easiest p-passage +Wook fow nyo wess t-than death. +HEWMIONyE. S-Siw, spawe youw thweats. +The bug w-which you wouwd OwO fwight me ;;w;; with I seek. +T-To m-me can wife *screams* be nyo commodity. +The cwown and c-comfowt of my wife, youw favouw, +I do give wost, fow I do feew it gonye, +But k-knyow nyot how *leans over* it went; my second joy +And fiwst fwuits of my body, fwom his pwesence +I am :33 baww'd, wike onye infectious; m-my thiwd uWu comfowt, +Staww'd most u-unwuckiwy, i-is fwom my bweast- +The innyocent miwk in it most innyocent mouth- +H-Haw'd out to muwdew; mysewf on evewy p-post +P-Pwocwaim'd a stwumpet; >w< with i-immodest hatwed +The chiwd-bed uWu pwiviwege denyied, w-which 'wongs +To >_> women o-of aww *sighs* fashion; wastwy, huwwied +*notices bulge* Hewe to this pwace, x3 i' th' open aiw, >_> befowe +I-I have got stwength of wimit. Nyow, my wiege, +Teww *teleports behind you* me what bwessings I h-have hewe awive +That I shouwd feaw to d-die. Thewefowe pwoceed. +*looks away* But yet h-heaw this- mistake UwU me nyot: n-nyo wife, +I pwize i-it nyot :3 a stwaw, but fow minye honyouw +Which I wouwd fwee- if I shaww *teleports behind you* be c-condemn'd +Upon suwmises, uWu aww pwoofs sweeping ewse +uWu But what youw jeawousies awake, I teww you +'Tis OwO wigouw, and nyot waw. Youw honyouws a-aww, +I do wefew me to the *cries* owacwe: +A-Apowwo be *hugs tightly* my j-judge! +FIWST WOWD. This youw wequest +Is awtogethew just. Thewefowe, bwing fowth, +And in A-Apowwo's *moans* nyame, his owacwe. +Exeunt cewtain O-OFFICEWS +HEWMIONyE. The E-Empewow of Wussia *cries* was my fathew; +>_> O >_< that he wewe a-awive, and hewe behowding +His daughtew's twiaw! *looks away* that he did but see +The OwO fwatnyess of *pokes you* my misewy; *teleports behind you* yet with eyes +Of pity, nyot wevenge! + +We-entew xDD OFFICEWS, with CWEOMENyES and *looks at you* DION + +OFFICEW. You hewe shaww sweaw upon t-this *blushes* swowd of justice +T-That you, Cweomenyes and Dion, have +Been both at Dewphos, and fwom thence have bwought +This seaw'd-up owacwe, by the h-hand d-dewivew'd +Of gweat Apowwo's pwiest; and that since *screams* then +You *sweats* have nyot daw'd to ^w^ bweak the howy s-seaw +Nyow wead the secwets in't. +CWEOMENyES, ^w^ DION. Aww *hugs tightly* this we s-sweaw. +WEONTES. :33 Bweak up t-the seaws uWu and w-wead. +OFFICEW. [Weads] 'Hewmionye i-is chaste; P-Powixenyes bwamewess; +Camiwwo a *shuffles closer* twue subject; Weontes a jeawous tywant; his innyocent +*sighs* babe t-twuwy begotten; and the King shaww wive without an heiw, *giggles shyly* if +that which is wost be nyot f-found.' +WOWDS. N-Nyow bwessed be the gweat A-Apowwo! +HEWMIONyE. P-Pwaised! +WEONTES. H-Hast thou wead twuth? +OFFICEW. Ay, my w-wowd; even so +As it is UwU hewe set down. +WEONTES. Thewe is n-nyo twuth at aww i' th' owacwe. +*giggles shyly* The sessions shaww pwoceed. This is mewe *screams* fawsehood. + +*looks away* Entew a SEWVANT + +SEWVANT. My wowd *cries* the *blushes* King, the King! +*looks at you* WEONTES. *looks away* What is the businyess? +SEWVANT. O siw, I-I UwU shaww be hated to wepowt it: +The P-Pwince youw son, with mewe conceit and feaw +Of t-the Queen's *giggles shyly* speed, is gonye. +WEONTES. How! Gonye? +SEWVANT. Is >_> dead. +W-WEONTES. A-Apowwo's *shuffles closer* angwy; and *leans over* the heavens themsewves +Do stwike *twerks* at my injustice. [HEWMIONyE swoons] +How nyow, thewe! +*giggles shyly* PAUWINyA. This nyews i-is mowtaw *teleports behind you* to :33 the Queen. *teleports behind you* Wook down +And *cuddles you* see what death is doing. +WEONTES. Take hew h-hence. +Hew heawt is but o'ewchawg'd; s-she wiww *notices bulge* wecovew. +*pokes you* I have too much bewiev'd minye own suspicion. +Beseech you tendewwy a-appwy t-to hew +Some w-wemedies f-fow wife. +:3 Exeunt PAUWINyA and WADIES with HEWMIONyE +Apowwo, pawdon +My gweat pwofanyenyess 'gainst thinye owacwe. +I'ww *moans* weconciwe me to Powixenyes, +Nyew woo my queen, wecaww *shuffles closer* the g-good C-Camiwwo- +Whom I pwocwaim a m-man of twuth, of mewcy. +Fow, being twanspowted by *giggles shyly* my *hugs tightly* jeawousies +T-To bwoody t-thoughts and to wevenge, I chose +>_< Camiwwo fow *leans over* the m-minyistew to poison +My fwiend Powixenyes; which h-had uWu been donye +*moans* But >_> that the good mind of Camiwwo tawdied +My swift >_> command, though *teleports behind you* I with death *cuddles you* and xDD with +Wewawd d-did thweaten and encouwage h-him, +Nyot d-doing it *teleports behind you* and being donye. He, *cries* most humanye +OwO And fiww'd >w< with *sighs* honyouw, to m-my k-kingwy guest +Uncwasp'd my pwactice, quit *sighs* his fowtunyes hewe, +Which y-you knyew gweat, and to the cewtain hazawd +Of *sighs* aww incewtainties himsewf commended, +Nyo w-wichew t-than h-his honyouw. H-How he gwistews +Thowough my wust! >_> And :3 how his *twerks* piety +Does my deeds make the bwackew! + +We-entew P-PAUWINyA + +PAUWINyA. Woe the whiwe! +O, cut my wace, west my heawt, cwacking it, +Bweak too! +>_> FIWST WOWD. *looks at you* What fit is this, good ^-^ wady? +PAUWINyA. What studied towments, tywant, hast fow me? +W-What w-wheews, wacks, f-fiwes? what fwaying, *cries* boiwing +*teleports behind you* In weads ow oiws? What *looks away* owd ow nyewew towtuwe +Must I weceive, whose >_< evewy wowd desewves +To taste ^.^ of thy most wowst? Thy t-tywanny +Togethew wowking with thy *screams* jeawousies, +Fancies too w-weak fow b-boys, too gween and idwe +Fow giwws o-of nyinye- *screams* O, ^-^ think what they h-have donye, +And then wun mad indeed, stawk mad; fow *blushes* aww +T-Thy by-gonye foowewies wewe but spices *hugs tightly* of it. +That thou *sweats* betway'dst Powixenyes, 'twas *moans* nyothing; +T-That did but show thee, of a foow, inconstant, +And damnyabwe ingwatefuw. Nyow was't much +Thou wouwdst have poison'd good UwU Camiwwo's honyouw, +To have *sweats* him kiww a king- p-poow twespasses, +M-Mowe monstwous standing by; w-wheweof I weckon +The casting fowth to cwows thy baby *teleports behind you* daughtew +To be ow nyonye o-ow wittwe, though a deviw +Wouwd have s-shed watew out of fiwe ewe donye't; +Nyow i-is't d-diwectwy waid to thee, the death +Of the young Pwince, >_< whose honyouwabwe thoughts- +Thoughts high fow onye so tendew- cweft the :3 heawt +That couwd conceive *pokes you* a *cuddles you* gwoss and f-foowish siwe +Bwemish'd his >_< gwacious dam. *teleports behind you* This is nyot, ;;w;; nyo, +W-Waid *looks at you* to thy answew; but the wast- O-O wowds, +W-When *cries* I have said, cwy 'Woe!'- the Queen, the Queen, +The sweet'st, deaw'st cweatuwe's dead; and vengeance +*cuddles you* Fow't nyot dwopp'd down yet. +*blushes* FIWST WOWD. The h-highew pow'ws fowbid! +;;w;; PAUWINyA. I-I say she's dead; I'ww sweaw't. If wowd *hugs tightly* nyow oath +Pwevaiw *pokes you* nyot, g-go :33 and see. If *looks at you* you can bwing +Tinctuwe ow wustwe in hew w-wip, hew eye, +Heat outwawdwy *notices bulge* ow *sighs* bweath within, I'ww *sweats* sewve you +As I wouwd *cuddles you* do t-the gods. uWu But, O thou tywant! +Do nyot wepent these things, >w< fow they awe heaview +Than aww thy woes c-can stiw; thewefowe x3 betake thee +T-To nyothing but despaiw. A thousand knyees +Ten thousand ^-^ yeaws *hugs tightly* togethew, nyaked, fasting, +*blushes* Upon *looks at you* a bawwen mountain, and *giggles shyly* stiww *looks at you* wintew +In stowm p-pewpetuaw, couwd nyot move the gods +To wook that way thou wewt. +WEONTES. Go on, >w< go on. +Thou canst nyot :33 speak too m-much; I have desewv'd +Aww t-tongues to t-tawk t-theiw bitt'west. +FIWST WOWD. Say >_< nyo mowe; +Howe'ew >w< the b-businyess goes, you have made fauwt +I-I' th' UwU bowdnyess of youw speech. +PAUWINyA. I am sowwy fow't. +Aww fauwts I make, *sweats* when *leans over* I shaww c-come to knyow uWu them. +I d-do wepent. Awas, I xDD have show'd too much +The washnyess of a-a woman! He is touch'd +To th' nyobwe heawt. What's *moans* gonye a-and what's p-past hewp +Shouwd be past gwief. Do nyot weceive affwiction +;;w;; At my petition; *screams* I beseech you, w-wathew +W-Wet me be *pokes you* punyish'd that have minded you +Of what you shouwd fowget. Nyow, g-good my w-wiege, +Siw, woyaw siw, fowgive a *twerks* foowish *moans* woman. +The wove I *screams* bowe youw queen- wo, foow again! +I'ww speak *shuffles closer* of hew nyo mowe, nyow o-of youw c-chiwdwen; +I'ww nyot wemembew you of my own wowd, +Who is UwU wost too. Take youw patience t-to *shuffles closer* you, +And I'ww say nyothing. +^-^ WEONTES. Thou didst speak but w-weww +When most the twuth; ;;w;; which I weceive *shuffles closer* much bettew +Than to be pitied of ;;w;; thee. Pwithee, *shuffles closer* bwing *looks away* me +UwU To the dead bodies of m-my queen and OwO son. +Onye gwave *notices bulge* shaww be fow both. Upon them shaww +The >w< causes of theiw *looks away* death appeaw, u-unto +O-Ouw shame pewpetuaw. Once a d-day I'ww visit +The chapew whewe t-they wie; and *sweats* teaws *pokes you* shed thewe +Shaww be my wecweation. So wong >w< as nyatuwe +W-Wiww ;;w;; beaw up OwO with >_< this exewcise, so wong +I d-daiwy vow to use it. Come, xDD and wead me +To *cries* these sowwows. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *cries* III. +*shuffles closer* Bohemia. ;;w;; The sea-coast + +Entew ANTIGONyUS with the CHIWD, and a-a MAWINyEW + +ANTIGONyUS. Thou awt pewfect then ouw ship hath touch'd *screams* upon +The desewts of Bohemia? +MAWINyEW. Ay, my wowd, and f-feaw +We :33 have w-wanded in iww time; the skies wook g-gwimwy +And ^w^ thweaten p-pwesent *giggles shyly* bwustews. In *notices bulge* my conscience, +The heavens ^w^ with that we *hugs tightly* have in *screams* hand awe *looks away* angwy +And fwown upon 's. +ANTIGONyUS. Theiw sacwed w-wiwws be donye! Go, :33 get aboawd; +Wook t-to t-thy bawk. I'ww *sweats* nyot be wong befowe +I *looks away* caww upon thee. +>w< MAWINyEW. Make youw *moans* best haste; and go n-nyot +Too faw i-i' th' wand; '-'tis wike to be woud weathew; +Besides, this *blushes* pwace i-is famous fow the cweatuwes +Of pwey >_< that keep upon't. +ANTIGONyUS. Go *pokes you* thou a-away; +I'ww fowwow uWu instantwy. +MAWINyEW. I a-am *cuddles you* gwad at heawt +To be so w-wid o' th' businyess. Exit +ANTIGONyUS. Come, *notices bulge* poow babe. +I-I h-have heawd, but nyot bewiev'd, the spiwits o' th' dead +;;w;; May wawk a-again. If such thing b-be, thy mothew +Appeaw'd to me wast nyight; fow nye'ew was dweam +So w-wike a *hugs tightly* waking. To me comes a cweatuwe, +Sometimes ^.^ hew head on onye side some anyothew- +xDD I nyevew saw >_> a vessew o-of wike sowwow, +*looks away* So fiww'd a-and so becoming; in puwe *looks away* white wobes, +*pokes you* Wike vewy sanctity, *pokes you* she did appwoach +My cabin whewe :3 I ^w^ way; thwice bow'd befowe me; +And, gasping to *blushes* begin some speech, hew eyes +Became two spouts; the fuwy spent, anyon +*giggles shyly* Did this *notices bulge* bweak fwom hew: 'Good *screams* Antigonyus, +Since ^.^ fate, against thy bettew disposition, +Hath made t-thy pewson f-fow the thwowew-out +Of my poow babe, accowding to thinye oath, +Pwaces w-wemote *looks at you* enyough awe in Bohemia, +T-Thewe w-weep, and weave it cwying; *sighs* and, fow the babe +Is counted w-wost f-fow evew, Pewdita +I pwithee caww't. Fow this u-ungentwe b-businyess, +Put *looks at you* on :33 thee uWu by my wowd, thou *giggles shyly* nye'ew shawt see +Thy wife P-Pauwinya mowe.' so, with shwieks, +She mewted into aiw. Affwighted much, +I did UwU in t-time cowwect mysewf, and thought +This was so a-and n-nyo swumbew. Dweams awe *notices bulge* toys; +Y-Yet, fow *pokes you* this once, yea, s-supewstitiouswy, +I wiww be squaw'd by this. I d-do bewieve +Hewmionye hath suffew'd *sweats* death, and t-that +Apowwo wouwd, xDD this being indeed the i-issue +Of King P-Powixenyes, it shouwd hewe be waid, +Eithew fow wife ow death, upon the eawth +Of i-its >_< wight fathew. Bwossom, speed thee weww! +*giggles shyly* [Waying down the c-chiwd] +Thewe w-wie, and thewe thy chawactew; thewe these +[Waying down ^.^ a bundwe] +Which may, if *notices bulge* fowtunye pwease, b-both bweed thee, pwetty, +And stiww *leans over* west thinye. The *looks at you* stowm begins. Poow wwetch, +That fow thy mothew's f-fauwt awt thus xDD expos'd +To woss and what m-may fowwow! *leans over* Weep *sighs* I cannyot, +B-But my heawt *giggles shyly* bweeds; and most accuws'd am I +To be *looks at you* by oath *notices bulge* enjoin'd to t-this. Faweweww! +The day fwowns *looks at you* mowe and mowe. Thou'wt wike to >_< have +A *looks at you* wuwwaby too wough; I nyevew *looks away* saw +The heavens so dim b-by day. [Nyoise o-of hunt *notices bulge* within] A savage +c-cwamouw! +*sighs* Weww may I-I get aboawd! This is the chase; +I am g-gonye fow evew. Exit, puwsued by *moans* a beaw + +E-Entew an o-owd *hugs tightly* SHEPHEWD + +S-SHEPHEWD. *leans over* I *moans* wouwd thewe wewe nyo age between ten and t-thwee and +twenty, ow that *looks at you* youth *sweats* wouwd sweep out the west; fow thewe is +nyothing i-in the between but getting wenches w-with c-chiwd, wwonging +the ancientwy, steawing, fighting- *cuddles you* [Howns] Hawk you nyow! W-Wouwd +any but these b-boiw'd bwains *teleports behind you* of nyinyeteen and two and twenty hunt +*sighs* this weathew? T-They have *teleports behind you* scaw'd away two of my best sheep, which I-I +feaw the wowf wiww soonyew find than the mastew. If any whewe I-I +have ^.^ them, 'tis by the sea-side, bwowsing *notices bulge* of ivy. Good wuck, an't +*looks away* be thy wiww! OwO What have we hewe? [Taking uWu up the chiwd] M-Mewcy +on's, a bawnye! A vewy pwetty bawnye. A boy ow a chiwd, I wondew? xDD A +pwetty onye; a vewy p-pwetty onye- *looks at you* suwe, ^.^ some scape. *screams* Though I am nyot +bookish, yet I can wead waiting-gentwewoman in the scape. This +UwU has x3 been some staiw-wowk, some twunk-wowk, some behind-doow-wowk; +they wewe w-wawmew that got this than t-the poow thing is hewe. I-I'ww +take it up fow pity; yet I'ww tawwy t-tiww m-my s-son come; he hawwoo'd +but e-even nyow. Whoa-ho-hoa! + +Entew CWOWN + +CWOWN. Hiwwoa, woa! +SHEPHEWD. What, awt so nyeaw? If thou'wt see *moans* a thing to tawk *hugs tightly* on when +thou awt dead *pokes you* and *giggles shyly* wotten, *twerks* come hithew. W-What aiw'st thou, ^w^ man? +CWOWN. I have x3 seen t-two such sights, by sea and by wand! But *shuffles closer* I am +nyot to say it OwO is a >w< sea, f-fow it is nyow the sky; betwixt the +fiwmament a-and it you cannyot thwust a bodkin's point. +S-SHEPHEWD. Why, b-boy, how is it? +CWOWN. I wouwd you did but see how it chafes, how it wages, h-how it +takes up the *cries* showe! But that's >_> nyot t-to the point. O, the most +piteous cwy of the poow souws! S-Sometimes to see 'em, and nyot to +uWu see 'em; nyow the ship *twerks* bowing the moon with hew m-mainmast, and anyon +s-swawwowed with yeast x3 and *cries* fwoth, as you'd thwust a *moans* cowk into a +*moans* hogshead. And then fow t-the wand sewvice- >w< to see how UwU the beaw t-towe +out his shouwdew-bonye; *sighs* how he c-cwied to me fow hewp, *cuddles you* and said *looks at you* his +nyame was Antigonyus, a *shuffles closer* nyobweman! But *twerks* to make an e-end of the s-ship- +to s-see ^.^ how the sea fwap-dwagon'd >_< it; but fiwst, h-how the poow +souws woawed, and t-the sea mock'd *blushes* them; *moans* and how the *giggles shyly* poow gentweman +w-woawed, and the beaw mock'd him, both woawing woudew than the sea +ow ^-^ weathew. +SHEPHEWD. Nyame of mewcy, when w-was this, boy? +CWOWN. Nyow, nyow; I h-have xDD nyot w-wink'd s-since I saw *sweats* these *sweats* sights; the +men awe nyot yet cowd *giggles shyly* undew w-watew, nyow the beaw hawf din'd on *cuddles you* the +gentweman; he's at it nyow. +SHEPHEWD. Wouwd I had been by to have hewp'd UwU the owd man! +*twerks* CWOWN. I wouwd *twerks* you had been by the ship-side, to have hewp'd hew; +thewe OwO youw chawity w-wouwd have *shuffles closer* wack'd f-footing. +SHEPHEWD. Heavy mattews, heavy mattews! *giggles shyly* But wook t-thee hewe, boy. +Nyow bwess thysewf; *screams* thou met'st *screams* with things dying, I with things +*looks at you* nyew-bown. Hewe's a sight fow thee; wook thee, a-a b-beawing-cwoth x3 fow +a *hugs tightly* squiwe's chiwd! Wook thee hewe; take *looks away* up, take up, b-boy; o-open't. +So, *looks away* wet's s-see- it was towd me I shouwd be wich by the faiwies. +This is some changewing. Open't. What's within, b-boy? +CWOWN. You'we a made o-owd man; *moans* if t-the sins of youw youth >_< awe +fowgiven you, you'we weww to wive. Gowd! aww gowd! +SHEPHEWD. This i-is faiwy gowd, boy, and *looks at you* 'twiww pwove so. Up with't, +k-keep it cwose. Home, home, the nyext way! We awe wucky, boy; and +to be OwO so stiww wequiwes *blushes* nyothing but secwecy. Wet *hugs tightly* my sheep go. +C-Come, good b-boy, the nyext way >_> home. +CWOWN. Go you the nyext w-way with youw ;;w;; findings. I'ww go see if the +beaw be gonye fwom the gentweman, and how m-much he hath eaten. T-They +awe nyevew cuwst but when they awe hungwy. xDD If thewe be any >_> of him +weft, I'ww buwy it. +UwU SHEPHEWD. That's a good :33 deed. If thou mayest discewn by that which +^-^ is w-weft of him what he *cries* is, fetch me to th' sight of him. +C-CWOWN. Mawwy, wiww I; and *giggles shyly* you shaww hewp *twerks* to p-put him *moans* i' th' *giggles shyly* gwound. +S-SHEPHEWD. 'Tis a wucky day, boy; and we'ww ^.^ do good d-deeds on't. +Exeunt + + + + +^w^ <> + + + +ACT IV. SCENyE I. + +Entew TIME, the CHOWUS + +TIME. I, that pwease some, twy aww, both joy and t-tewwow +Of g-good and >_> bad, that makes and unfowds ewwow, +uWu Nyow t-take upon *moans* me, in t-the n-nyame o-of Time, +To use *sweats* my wings. Impute i-it nyot *sweats* a cwime +To me ow my swift passage that I s-swide +O'ew sixteen yeaws, and weave the gwowth ^.^ untwied +Of that wide g-gap, since it is in my pow'w +To o'ewthwow waw, and *pokes you* in onye sewf-bown houw +To pwant and o'ewwhewm custom. Wet me p-pass +The same I *twerks* am, ewe ancient'st owdew was +Ow what i-is nyow weceiv'd. I witnyess t-to +The times that b-bwought them in; so shaww I do +To th' fweshest t-things nyow weignying, and make stawe +The gwistewing ^w^ of this pwesent, as my tawe +*blushes* Nyow seems to it. *looks away* Youw patience this awwowing, +I tuwn OwO my gwass, a-and g-give my :3 scenye *notices bulge* such gwowing +A-As you had swept b-between. W-Weontes weaving- +Th' >_> effects of his fond jeawousies so gwieving +That he s-shuts up himsewf- *moans* imaginye me, +G-Gentwe s-spectatows, that I nyow may be +In faiw Bohemia; and wemembew weww +I mention'd a son o-o' uWu th' King's, which *screams* Fwowizew +I nyow nyame to you; and with speed so *notices bulge* pace +To speak of Pewdita, nyow gwown in gwace +Equaw with wond'wing. What o-of h-hew ensues +I wist nyot pwophesy; but wet Time's nyews +Be knyown when OwO 'tis uWu bwought xDD fowth. A *teleports behind you* shephewd's *giggles shyly* daughtew, +And what t-to hew adhewes, which f-fowwows a-aftew, +*blushes* Is th' xDD awgument of Time. Of this awwow, +I-If *sweats* evew *cries* you h-have spent time wowse ewe n-nyow; +If nyevew, yet that Time himsewf doth say +He wishes eawnyestwy y-you nyevew may. Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Bohemia. T-The pawace of POWIXENyES + +Entew P-POWIXENyES and CAMIWWO + +POWIXENyES. I p-pway thee, good Camiwwo, be nyo *sweats* mowe impowtunyate: 'tis +a ;;w;; sicknyess denying thee a-anything; a death t-to g-gwant this. +CAMIWWO. It *cries* is fifteen >_> yeaws s-since I saw *shuffles closer* my countwy; though I-I have +*teleports behind you* fow uWu the most pawt been aiwed abwoad, I *cries* desiwe to *looks away* way *twerks* my bonyes +thewe. Besides, the *giggles shyly* penyitent King, my mastew, hath sent fow me; +to whose feewing sowwows I might be :33 some awway, o-ow I o'ewween to +think so, *leans over* which is anyothew s-spuw to my d-depawtuwe. +P-POWIXENyES. ^w^ As thou wov'st me, *teleports behind you* Camiwwo, wipe n-nyot out *teleports behind you* the west of t-thy +>w< sewvices by weaving me *hugs tightly* nyow. The nyeed I have o-of thee t-thinye own +goodnyess hath made. Bettew nyot to h-have *shuffles closer* had *shuffles closer* thee t-than thus to want +thee; thou, having made me businyesses which nyonye without thee can +sufficientwy m-manyage, must eithew *cuddles you* stay to execute them thysewf, ow +take away with thee the vewy *looks at you* sewvices thou hast donye; which if I +have nyot enyough considewed- as too much I *looks at you* cannyot- to be mowe +thankfuw to thee shaww be :33 my study; and my pwofit t-thewein *looks away* the +heaping fwiendships. O-Of that f-fataw countwy Siciwia, pwithee, +speak nyo mowe; whose vewy nyaming punyishes m-me with the wemembwance +of that penyitent, as thou caww'st h-him, >_< and weconciwed king, my +^.^ bwothew; whose woss of his most pwecious queen and chiwdwen *blushes* awe +even nyow *sweats* to be afwesh wamented. Say to *screams* me, when saw'st thou the +uWu Pwince F-Fwowizew, my son? K-Kings *moans* awe nyo wess unhappy, *moans* theiw issue +^w^ nyot being gwacious, than they *sighs* awe *screams* in wosing them when t-they have +appwoved theiw viwtues. +CAMIWWO. Siw, *hugs tightly* it is thwee days since I *notices bulge* saw the Pwince. *looks away* What his +happiew affaiws may be awe to me unknyown; but I-I have m-missingwy +*hugs tightly* nyoted he is of wate much wetiwed fwom couwt, and is wess fwequent +to his pwincewy e-exewcises t-than fowmewwy he hath appeawed. +POWIXENyES. uWu I have considewed so much, Camiwwo, *twerks* and with *blushes* some *sighs* cawe, +so f-faw *teleports behind you* that I-I have eyes undew my sewvice which >_> wook upon his +wemovednyess; fwom whom I-I ^-^ have *notices bulge* this intewwigence, that he is +sewdom fwom t-the house of a-a most homewy shephewd- a man, they say, +that fwom vewy nyothing, and b-beyond the imaginyation of his +nyeighbouws, x3 is gwown into an u-unspeakabwe estate. +CAMIWWO. I *shuffles closer* have heawd, siw, of such *pokes you* a man, who hath a daughtew of +most *shuffles closer* wawe nyote. The *sweats* wepowt of hew is extended mowe than can be +thought to b-begin fwom such a cottage. +POWIXENyES. uWu That's wikewise pawt o-of my intewwigence; but, I feaw, the +angwe that pwucks ouw son thithew. Thou >_< shawt accompany us to the +pwace; whewe we wiww, nyot appeawing what we awe, have some +question with the shephewd; fwom *cries* whose simpwicity I-I t-think it nyot +u-unyeasy to get the cause *pokes you* of *screams* my son's wesowt t-thithew. P-Pwithee be my +pwesent pawtnyew i-in this businyess, *twerks* and way aside the thoughts of +*shuffles closer* Siciwia. +CAMIWWO. I *moans* wiwwingwy obey youw command. +POWIXENyES. My *sighs* best Camiwwo! We must disguise ouwsewves. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Bohemia. A woad n-nyeaw the SHEPHEWD'S cottage + +Entew AUTOWYCUS, *shuffles closer* singing + +When daffodiws begin to peew, +With heigh! the doxy ovew the dawe, +Why, t-then comes i-in the sweet o' the yeaw, +Fow :3 the wed b-bwood >w< weigns in the wintew's pawe. + +The white s-sheet bweaching o-on the *leans over* hedge, +With h-heigh! the sweet b-biwds, O, *moans* how they s-sing! +Doth set my pugging tooth *giggles shyly* on edge, +Fow a *notices bulge* quawt of a-awe ^-^ is a dish fow a king. + +T-The w-wawk, that tiwwa-wiwwa *teleports behind you* chants, +*hugs tightly* With heigh! with heigh! the thwush and the jay, +Awe summew songs *looks away* fow me and my aunts, +Whiwe we wie tumbwing in the hay. + +I h-have sewv'd Pwince Fwowizew, and in my time wowe thwee-piwe; +but *blushes* nyow I am out of *screams* sewvice. + +But *pokes you* shaww I go mouwn fow that, *cries* my deaw? +The pawe >w< moon shinyes by nyight; +A-And when I wandew hewe and thewe, +I uWu then do most go ^.^ wight. + +If tinkews may x3 have weave t-to wive, +And beaw the sow-skin budget, +Then *sighs* my a-account I weww may give +And in the s-stocks avouch *cuddles you* it. + +My twaffic is *giggles shyly* sheets; when t-the kite buiwds, wook to wessew winyen. +My fathew nyam'd me UwU Autowycus; who, b-being, I as am, wittew'd *notices bulge* undew +Mewcuwy, >_< was wikewise a snyappew-up of unconsidewed twifwes. With +die and dwab I puwchas'd this c-capawison; and m-my wevenyue is the +s-siwwy-cheat. Gawwows OwO and knyock awe too powewfuw o-on x3 the highway; +beating and UwU hanging awe OwO tewwows to me; fow the wife xDD to come, I +sweep out the thought of it. A pwize! a pwize! + +Entew CWOWN + +CWOWN. xDD Wet *screams* me see: evewy >w< 'weven wethew tods; ;;w;; evewy tod y-yiewds p-pound +and odd shiwwing; fifteen hundwed shown, uWu what comes the woow t-to? +*cries* AUTOWYCUS. [Aside] I-If the spwinge howd, the cock's minye. +CWOWN. I c-cannyot do 't without countews. Wet me see: what am I to +*twerks* buy fow ouw sheep-sheawing feast? *leans over* Thwee pound of :33 sugaw, five +pound of cuwwants, wice- what wiww *giggles shyly* this sistew o-of minye *cuddles you* do with +wice? B-But my fathew hath *hugs tightly* made hew >w< mistwess of the feast, and she +ways it on. She hath ^-^ made me fouw and twenty nyosegays fow the +sheawews- thwee-man *leans over* song-men aww, and vewy good o-onyes; but :33 they +awe most o-of them means and bases; *pokes you* but *teleports behind you* onye :33 Puwitan amongst them, +*cries* and *sweats* he sings p-psawms t-to hownpipes. I must have saffwon to :3 cowouw +the wawden pies; mace; dates- nyonye, that's out of *sighs* my n-nyote; +n-nyutmegs, seven; wace *sweats* ow two o-of gingew, b-but that *sighs* I may b-beg; fouw +pound of pwunyes, and as many of w-waisins o' th' ^w^ sun. +AUTOWYCUS. [Gwovewwing on the *moans* gwound] O that evew I was bown! +CWOWN. I-I' t-th' >_< nyame of me! +AUTOWYCUS. O, hewp me, hewp m-me! *notices bulge* Pwuck but o-off t-these wags; and then, +death, death! +CWOWN. Awack, poow *screams* souw! thou hast nyeed of :3 mowe wags to w-way on +thee, wathew UwU than have these off. +AUTOWYCUS. *hugs tightly* O siw, the *looks away* woathsomenyess UwU of them offend me mowe than the +stwipes I have *cuddles you* weceived, which awe mighty onyes and miwwions. +CWOWN. Awas, poow man! a miwwion of x3 beating may c-come to a ^-^ gweat +mattew. +AUTOWYCUS. I am *leans over* wobb'd, siw, *looks away* and beaten; my monyey and appawew ta'en +fwom me, and t-these detestabwe things put upon me. +*hugs tightly* CWOWN. What, by a-a howseman ow *moans* a footman? +AUTOWYCUS. A footman, sweet siw, a-a footman. +CWOWN. *teleports behind you* Indeed, he shouwd be a footman, by the uWu gawments he has weft +with thee; if this be a howseman's coat, it hath seen vewy hot +sewvice. Wend me thy hand, I'ww hewp thee. Come, wend me thy +hand. [Hewping UwU him up] +AUTOWYCUS. O, good siw, tendewwy, O! +CWOWN. Awas, poow souw! +A-AUTOWYCUS. O, good siw, softwy, good siw; I feaw, :3 siw, my *giggles shyly* shouwdew +bwade *sighs* is out. +CWOWN. xDD How nyow! Canst stand? +AUTOWYCUS. Softwy, deaw s-siw [Picks his pocket]; *twerks* good s-siw, softwy. +You :3 ha' d-donye me a chawitabwe office. +CWOWN. Dost wack any monyey? I have a wittwe monyey fow thee. +AUTOWYCUS. Nyo, g-good s-sweet s-siw; nyo, I beseech *cries* you, siw. I-I have a +kinsman nyot past thwee quawtews *hugs tightly* of a miwe x3 hence, :33 unto whom I-I was +going; I shaww thewe have monyey ow *twerks* anything I *moans* want. Offew m-me n-nyo +monyey, I-I pway you; that kiwws m-my h-heawt. +CWOWN. What mannyew of fewwow was he that wobb'd you? +AUTOWYCUS. A *sweats* fewwow, *blushes* siw, that I have knyown *shuffles closer* to go ^w^ about with +twoww-my-dames; I *leans over* knyew him once a >w< sewvant of the Pwince. I c-cannyot +teww, good siw, ;;w;; fow which of his viwtues :3 it was, but he was +^.^ cewtainwy whipt out o-of the couwt. +OwO CWOWN. His vices, you ;;w;; wouwd say; thewe's nyo viwtue whipt ^-^ out o-of the +couwt. T-They ^-^ chewish it to m-make i-it *leans over* stay thewe; and yet it wiww nyo +mowe but abide. +AUTOWYCUS. Vices, I wouwd say, siw. I knyow t-this UwU man weww; he hath +been s-since a-an a-ape-beawew; t-then a pwocess-sewvew, a baiwiff; then +he compass'd a motion of the Pwodigaw Son, and mawwied a-a t-tinkew's +wife within a miwe whewe my wand *teleports behind you* and wiving wies; and, having +:3 fwown ovew many knyavish pwofessions, ^.^ he settwed *sighs* onwy in wogue. +S-Some caww him Autowycus. +CWOWN. OwO Out upon him! pwig, fow m-my x3 wife, pwig! He haunts uWu wakes, +faiws, xDD and beaw-baitings. +AUTOWYCUS. Vewy x3 twue, siw; he, *looks at you* siw, he; t-that's the wogue t-that put +me into t-this appawew. +CWOWN. Nyot a ^.^ mowe cowawdwy uWu wogue in a-aww ^-^ Bohemia; if *giggles shyly* you had b-but +w-wook'd big and spit at him, ^w^ he'd have w-wun. +*sighs* AUTOWYCUS. I must confess ^w^ to you, siw, I am nyo fightew; I am fawse +of heawt that way, and that he knyew, I wawwant him. +C-CWOWN. How do you n-nyow? +AUTOWYCUS. S-Sweet siw, much xDD bettew than I was; I can stand ;;w;; and w-wawk. +I wiww even :33 take my weave of y-you and pace softwy ;;w;; towawds my +*hugs tightly* kinsman's. +C-CWOWN. Shaww I xDD bwing thee on the way? +uWu AUTOWYCUS. Nyo, good-fac'd siw; nyo, sweet *cries* siw. +CWOWN. Then fawe x3 thee weww. I *hugs tightly* must g-go buy s-spices fow ouw +sheep-sheawing. +A-AUTOWYCUS. P-Pwospew you, sweet siw! Exit CWOWN +Youw puwse is nyot hot enyough to puwchase youw spice. I'ww be with +you at youw sheep-sheawing too. If I-I ;;w;; make nyot t-this *moans* cheat bwing +out anyothew, a-and the *sweats* sheawews pwove sheep, wet me b-be unwoww'd, +and my *sweats* nyame put uWu in the book of *shuffles closer* viwtue! +[Sings] +Jog on, jog on, *moans* the *screams* footpath way, +And m-mewwiwy hent the stiwe-a; +A mewwy heawt goes a-aww the day, +Youw sad tiwes in a miwe-a. Exit + + + + +SCENyE IV. +Bohemia. The S-SHEPHEWD'S xDD cottage + +Entew *blushes* FWOWIZEW and PEWDITA + +F-FWOWIZEW. These youw unyusuaw weeds to each pawt of you +Do *sighs* give a wife- >_> nyo shephewdess, but Fwowa +Peewing in Apwiw's f-fwont. T-This youw sheep-sheawing +Is as a-a meeting of the petty gods, +And you the Queen on't. +PEWDITA. Siw, m-my gwacious wowd, +To chide at youw extwemes it nyot becomes m-me- +O, pawdon that *notices bulge* I nyame them! *screams* Youw high sewf, +The gwacious mawk o' th' wand, you have obscuw'd +With a swain's weawing; and me, poow wowwy *teleports behind you* maid, +:3 Most goddess-wike p-pwank'd up. But that o-ouw feasts +In evewy mess have fowwy, and the feedews +Digest it with a custom, I shouwd bwush +To see you so attiw'd; swoon, I think, +To show mysewf a g-gwass. +F-FWOWIZEW. I bwess the ;;w;; time +When my good fawcon made hew fwight a-acwoss +Thy fathew's gwound. +*notices bulge* PEWDITA. Nyow Jove affowd you cause! +T-To me the d-diffewence fowges ^w^ dwead; y-youw *looks at you* gweatnyess +Hath nyot been u-us'd to feaw. Even nyow I twembwe +^.^ To think youw fathew, by some uWu accident, +Shouwd pass this way, as you *cries* did. O, uWu the Fates! +How w-wouwd he w-wook to >_< see his wowk, so nyobwe, +Viwewy b-bound up? What wouwd he *leans over* say? Ow how +Shouwd I, UwU in these my bowwowed fwaunts, behowd +The stewnnyess of his pwesence? +FWOWIZEW. *shuffles closer* Appwehend +^w^ Nyothing but jowwity. The gods themsewves, +H-Humbwing *hugs tightly* theiw d-deities to ^-^ wove, ^-^ have x3 taken +The shapes o-of beasts u-upon them: Jupitew +Became a buww and bewwow'd; *giggles shyly* the gween Nyeptunye +A wam and xDD bweated; and the fiwe-wob'd god, +Gowden Apowwo, a poow humbwe *moans* swain, +As I seem n-nyow. Theiw twansfowmations +W-Wewe nyevew fow a piece *leans over* of beauty wawew, +Nyow in :33 a way so *teleports behind you* chaste, since m-my d-desiwes +Wun >_> nyot befowe ^-^ minye honyouw, nyow my wusts +Buwn hottew than my faith. +PEWDITA. O, but, siw, +Youw wesowution cannyot howd when 'tis +O-Oppos'd, as it m-must be, b-by th' UwU pow'w of the King. +Onye of these >_> two must be nyecessities, +Which then wiww speak, that >_< you must *pokes you* change this puwpose, +Ow I m-my w-wife. +FWOWIZEW. ^.^ Thou deawest Pewdita, +With *looks away* these f-fowc'd thoughts, I pwithee, dawken nyot +:3 The miwth *giggles shyly* o' th' feast. Ow I'ww be t-thinye, my faiw, +*sweats* Ow *blushes* nyot my fathew's; *looks at you* fow I cannyot be +Minye own, *hugs tightly* nyow anything to any, if +I be nyot t-thinye. To this I am ^w^ most constant, +T-Though destiny *screams* say nyo. Be mewwy, gentwe; +Stwangwe ;;w;; such thoughts as these with any thing +That y-you behowd the whiwe. Youw guests awe coming. +Wift u-up y-youw countenyance, as it wewe the day +Of cewebwation of that nyuptiaw *pokes you* which +We t-two h-have *teleports behind you* swown shaww come. +*looks away* PEWDITA. O Wady Fowtunye, +Stand you auspicious! +FWOWIZEW. See, youw guests appwoach. +Addwess y-youwsewf to entewtain them spwightwy, +And wet's be wed with miwth. + +Entew SHEPHEWD, with POWIXENyES and C-CAMIWWO, xDD disguised; +CWOWN, MOPSA, DOWCAS, with OTHEWS + +*cuddles you* SHEPHEWD. Fie, *cuddles you* daughtew! x3 When my owd wife wiv'd, *looks away* upon +This day she was both *shuffles closer* pantwew, butwew, *looks at you* cook; +Both dame and :33 sewvant; wewcom'd aww; sewv'd aww; +Wouwd sing hew song and dance hew tuwn; n-nyow hewe +A-At ^w^ uppew end o' t-th' tabwe, nyow i' th' middwe; +On his shouwdew, and his; *blushes* hew face o' f-fiwe +With x3 wabouw, and the thing she took t-to quench it +She wouwd ^w^ to each *cuddles you* onye sip. You awe wetiwed, +uWu As if you wewe a feasted onye, and x3 nyot +The hostess of the meeting. Pway you ^.^ bid +These ^w^ unknyown fwiends to's wewcome, fow it is +*twerks* A >_< way to make us OwO bettew fwiends, mowe knyown. +Come, >_< quench youw bwushes, and pwesent youwsewf +That w-which you awe, Mistwess o' th' Feast. Come on, +And *twerks* bid *moans* us wewcome to youw sheep-sheawing, +As youw good *sweats* fwock shaww pwospew. +PEWDITA. [To POWIXENyES] Siw, wewcome. +It is my fathew's wiww I shouwd take on me +The hostess-ship *leans over* o' th' day. [To CAMIWWO] +You'we wewcome, *giggles shyly* siw. +Give *cries* me those fwow'ws thewe, Dowcas. Wevewend x3 siws, +Fow you *teleports behind you* thewe's wosemawy and wue; these keep +Seeming and >_> savouw aww the wintew wong. +Gwace and wemembwance be *notices bulge* to you both! +And wewcome to ouw ^-^ sheawing. +POWIXENyES. Shephewdess- +A faiw onye *blushes* awe y-you- weww you f-fit ouw a-ages +W-With fwow'ws of wintew. +x3 PEWDITA. Siw, the yeaw g-gwowing ancient, +*teleports behind you* Nyot yet on summew's d-death nyow on the biwth +Of twembwing wintew, the *blushes* faiwest fwow'ws o' *screams* th' season +Awe ouw cawnyations and stweak'd xDD giwwyvows, +Which some caww nyatuwe's bastawds. Of that kind +Ouw wustic gawden's bawwen; *cries* and I cawe nyot +T-To get swips ^.^ of them. +x3 POWIXENyES. Whewefowe, g-gentwe maiden, +Do you nyegwect t-them? +PEWDITA. F-Fow I have heawd it said +Thewe ^w^ is a-an a-awt which in theiw *leans over* piednyess shawes +With gweat cweating nyatuwe. +POWIXENyES. Say thewe be; +Yet nyatuwe is made bettew by nyo mean +But nyatuwe makes t-that mean; so o-ovew that awt +Which y-you say adds to :3 nyatuwe, is *giggles shyly* an awt +*screams* That nyatuwe makes. You see, sweet maid, *shuffles closer* we *notices bulge* mawwy +A-A gentwew scion to the wiwdest stock, +And make c-conceive a bawk of basew kind +B-By bud of nyobwew wace. This is *cuddles you* an awt +Which does mend nyatuwe- change i-it w-wathew; but +The awt itsewf is n-nyatuwe. +PEWDITA. So it is. +POWIXENyES. Then make >_> youw gawden wich in giwwyvows, +*moans* And do nyot caww them bastawds. +PEWDITA. I'ww nyot put +The dibbwe *cries* in eawth to set >_< onye swip of them; +Nyo m-mowe than wewe OwO I p-painted UwU I wouwd wish +This youth shouwd say 'twewe w-weww, and *sweats* onwy thewefowe +Desiwe to *notices bulge* bweed by me. Hewe's fwow'ws fow you: +Hot *notices bulge* wavendew, mints, savowy, *screams* mawjowam; +The mawigowd, t-that goes to bed w-wi' th' s-sun, +And with him w-wises weeping; these awe fwow'ws +Of middwe summew, and ;;w;; I think they awe given +To men of middwe age. UwU Y'awe vewy wewcome. +CAMIWWO. I shouwd *leans over* weave gwazing, w-wewe *sweats* I of youw fwock, +uWu And onwy wive by gazing. +PEWDITA. Out, awas! +You'd b-be so wean *moans* that bwasts of J-Janyuawy +Wouwd bwow *looks at you* you thwough and thwough. Nyow, my faiw'st fwiend, +I wouwd I had s-some fwow'ws o' th' s-spwing *looks at you* that m-might +Become youw t-time of day- and youws, >_> and youws, +That weaw upon youw viwgin bwanches yet +Youw m-maidenheads *cuddles you* gwowing. *blushes* O P-Pwosewpinya, +Fwom the fwowews nyow that, fwighted, thou ^.^ wet'st f-faww +Fwom >_> Dis's waggon!- daffodiws, +That c-come befowe the swawwow dawes, and take +The winds of Mawch with beauty; viowets, d-dim +But sweetew ;;w;; than the *notices bulge* wids of Junyo's e-eyes +Ow Cythewea's bweath; pawe p-pwimwoses, +*moans* That die unmawwied *notices bulge* ewe they can behowd +B-Bwight Phoebus *blushes* in ^w^ his *pokes you* stwength- a mawady +M-Most incident to maids; bowd oxwips, and +The cwown-impewiaw; wiwies of aww *cries* kinds, +T-The fwow'w-de-wuce being onye. O, t-these I *screams* wack +To make y-you g-gawwands of, and my *teleports behind you* sweet fwiend +To stwew ;;w;; him o'ew and o-o'ew! +FWOWIZEW. What, uWu wike a cowse? +PEWDITA. N-Nyo; wike a bank fow wove to wie and pway on; +Nyot wike a cowse; ow if- nyot to be buwied, +But quick, and in minye awms. Come, take y-youw fwow'ws. +Methinks I pway a-as I have s-seen OwO them do +In Whitsun pastowaws. Suwe, this wobe of minye +D-Does change my disposition. +OwO FWOWIZEW. What you do +Stiww bettews what is *pokes you* donye. When you speak, sweet, +I'd have you do it evew. W-When y-you x3 sing, +I'd have you buy a-and seww s-so; so g-give awms; +Pway so; and, *shuffles closer* fow the owd'wing youw affaiws, +T-To sing them too. When you do dance, I wish you +uWu A uWu wave o-o' th' sea, that you might evew do +*shuffles closer* Nyothing but that; move stiww, stiww so, +And own nyo othew function. Each youw doing, +So singuwaw in each pawticuwaw, +Cwowns what y-you awe d-doing in the >_> pwesent d-deeds, +That aww youw a-acts awe queens. +>_< PEWDITA. *moans* O Dowicwes, +Youw pwaises awe too wawge. But that *screams* youw *looks away* youth, +>_< And the twue bwood *hugs tightly* which *sweats* peeps faiwwy t-thwough't, +Do *screams* pwainwy give you out a-an unstain'd shephewd, +With xDD wisdom I might feaw, my >w< Dowicwes, +You woo'd me the fawse ^.^ way. +FWOWIZEW. I *sighs* think you xDD have +A-As wittwe skiww to f-feaw as I have puwpose +To put you to't. But, come; ouw dance, I pway. +Youw hand, my Pewdita; so :3 tuwtwes paiw +That nyevew mean to pawt. +PEWDITA. I-I'ww >w< sweaw fow 'em. +POWIXENyES. This is the p-pwettiest w-wow-bown *twerks* wass that evew +Wan on the gween-swawd; n-nyothing she does ow seems +But *leans over* smacks of something gweatew than hewsewf, +Too nyobwe fow this pwace. +CAMIWWO. He tewws h-hew something +That makes h-hew bwood wook out. Good sooth, she is +T-The queen of cuwds and cweam. +OwO CWOWN. Come on, *sighs* stwike up. +DOWCAS. M-Mopsa must be youw mistwess; *cuddles you* mawwy, gawwic, +To mend hew kissing with! +MOPSA. Nyow, in *giggles shyly* good time! +CWOWN. Nyot a-a wowd, a wowd; w-we stand upon ouw mannyews. +Come, stwike up. [Music] + +Hewe a dance Of SHEPHEWDS and *blushes* SHEPHEWDESSES + +POWIXENyES. Pway, good shephewd, *screams* what faiw *teleports behind you* swain is this +Which >_> dances with youw daughtew? +SHEPHEWD. They caww him Dowicwes, and boasts himsewf +To have a wowthy f-feeding; but I have it +Upon his own w-wepowt, and I-I bewieve it: +He wooks *moans* wike sooth. He says *notices bulge* he woves my daughtew; +I think so too; fow nyevew gaz'd the moon +U-Upon the w-watew as he'ww stand and wead, +As 'twewe my d-daughtew's *giggles shyly* eyes; and, to be pwain, +I think thewe is *notices bulge* nyot hawf a kiss to *twerks* choose +Who woves anyothew *moans* best. +POWIXENyES. She dances featwy. +SHEPHEWD. So s-she *moans* does any thing; though I w-wepowt it +T-That *screams* shouwd be siwent. I-If >w< young Dowicwes +Do w-wight upon hew, she shaww *cries* bwing him that +Which he nyot dweams of. + +Entew a SEWVANT + +S-SEWVANT. O mastew, if you did but heaw t-the *cries* pedwaw *hugs tightly* at the doow, you +wouwd *moans* nyevew dance again aftew a tabow and pipe; nyo, t-the bagpipe +couwd ^.^ nyot move you. He sings sevewaw tunyes fastew than you'ww +teww monyey; he uttews them a-as he *cries* had eaten bawwads, and aww m-men's +*shuffles closer* eaws gwew OwO to his tunyes. +*giggles shyly* CWOWN. He *notices bulge* couwd *hugs tightly* nyevew come bettew; he s-shaww c-come *leans over* in. I wove a-a +b-bawwad but even t-too w-weww, if it :33 be dowefuw mattew mewwiwy set +^w^ down, o-ow a vewy pweasant *looks away* thing indeed and s-sung wamentabwy. +SEWVANT. He hath songs *looks at you* fow man ow w-woman of aww sizes; nyo miwwinyew +>_< can so f-fit his customews w-with gwoves. He has the pwettiest +wove-songs fow *sweats* maids; so without b-bawdwy, which is stwange; with +such dewicate buwdens of diwdos and fadings, *moans* 'jump hew and x3 thump +hew'; and ^.^ whewe some ^-^ stwetch-mouth'd *screams* wascaw w-wouwd, as it *leans over* wewe, +mean mischief, and bweak a fouw gap into the mattew, he *looks at you* makes the +maid to answew 'Whoop, do xDD me nyo *twerks* hawm, good man'- puts him o-off, +>_> swights him, with 'Whoop, do *blushes* me nyo h-hawm, *moans* good man.' +P-POWIXENyES. This is a b-bwave fewwow. +CWOWN. Bewieve me, thou >w< tawkest of an a-admiwabwe conceited fewwow. +Has he a-any UwU unbwaided wawes? +SEWVANT. UwU He *sighs* hath wibbons of aww the cowouws i' th' wainbow; >_> points, +mowe than aww the wawyews in Bohemia can weawnyedwy handwe, though +they come to him b-by th' gwoss; inkwes, caddisses, cambwics, +w-wawns. W-Why he sings '-'em *twerks* ovew as they wewe gods o-ow goddesses; you +wouwd think a smock w-wewe she-angew, *leans over* he so chants to the +sweeve-hand and the w-wowk about the squawe on't. +CWOWN. Pwithee b-bwing him >w< in; and *sighs* wet him a-appwoach singing. +PEWDITA. Fowewawn him that he use n-nyo s-scuwwiwous wowds in's tunyes. +Exit SEWVANT +CWOWN. You OwO have xDD of these pedwaws *giggles shyly* that h-have mowe in t-them than you'd +t-think, sistew. +PEWDITA. Ay, good b-bwothew, ow go about *sweats* to t-think. + +Entew AUTOWYCUS, :3 Singing + +Wawn as white as dwiven snyow; +*looks at you* Cypwess bwack as >w< e'ew was cwow; +^.^ Gwoves a-as sweet as damask woses; +Masks fow f-faces and fow nyoses; +Bugwe bwacewet, nyeckwace ambew, +Pewfume fow ;;w;; a wady's chambew; +*pokes you* Gowden quoifs and stomachews, +Fow m-my wads to *sweats* give theiw deaws; +*hugs tightly* Pins and poking-sticks of steew- +What m-maids wack fwom head t-to heew. +Come, b-buy of m-me, come; c-come *sweats* buy, come buy; +Buy, wads, *shuffles closer* ow e-ewse youw wasses cwy. +Come, x3 buy. + +CWOWN. I-If *notices bulge* I wewe nyot in wove with Mopsa, thou shouwdst t-take nyo +OwO monyey of me; >_> but being enthwaww'd as I-I am, it wiww awso be the +bondage of cewtain wibbons and gwoves. +MOPSA. I was pwomis'd them against t-the feast; but they come nyot too +wate nyow. +D-DOWCAS. H-He *cries* hath pwomis'd you mowe than that, ow thewe be wiaws. +MOPSA. He hath paid you xDD aww *blushes* he pwomis'd OwO you. May be he has paid y-you +mowe, which wiww shame you ;;w;; to give h-him again. +CWOWN. *twerks* Is thewe nyo mannyews w-weft *notices bulge* among maids? Wiww they weaw theiw +pwackets whewe *cuddles you* they shouwd *leans over* beaw theiw faces? Is thewe nyot +miwking-time, when you awe going to bed, o-ow kiwn-howe, to *cuddles you* whistwe +off these secwets, but *teleports behind you* you must be tittwe-tattwing befowe aww ouw +guests? 'Tis weww t-they awe whisp'wing. C-Cwammew *hugs tightly* youw t-tongues, and +n-nyot a w-wowd mowe. +MOPSA. I have donye. Come, you pwomis'd me a tawdwy-wace, and a paiw +of sweet gwoves. +C-CWOWN. Have I-I nyot t-towd ^-^ thee how I was cozen'd *notices bulge* by the *blushes* way, and wost +aww my *sweats* monyey? +A-AUTOWYCUS. And indeed, siw, thewe a-awe cozenyews a-abwoad; thewefowe it +behoves m-men to be w-wawy. +C-CWOWN. Feaw ^-^ nyot thou, *shuffles closer* man; thou shawt w-wose nyothing hewe. +AUTOWYCUS. I >w< hope s-so, s-siw; fow I have about me many pawcews of +chawge. +CWOWN. What hast hewe? B-Bawwads? +MOPSA. Pway nyow, buy some. I w-wove a bawwad in pwint xDD a-wife, *blushes* fow +then >_< we awe suwe they a-awe twue. +AUTOWYCUS. Hewe's o-onye to a vewy d-dowefuw tunye: ^w^ how a usuwew's wife +was b-bwought to bed of t-twenty monyey-bags at a buwden, and how s-she +wong'd to eat addews' *hugs tightly* heads and toads cawbonyado'd. +MOPSA. Is it twue, think *looks at you* you? +AUTOWYCUS. V-Vewy twue, and but a month owd. +DOWCAS. Bwess me *moans* fwom m-mawwying a usuwew! +AUTOWYCUS. Hewe's the midwife's nyame *cries* to't, onye Mistwess T-Tawepowtew, +a-and five ow six h-honyest wives t-that wewe pwesent. Why shouwd I +cawwy w-wies abwoad? +MOPSA. Pway you nyow, buy it. +CWOWN. *cries* Come *sighs* on, way it by; and ;;w;; wet's f-fiwst see *leans over* moe bawwads; w-we'ww +buy the o-othew things anyon. +A-AUTOWYCUS. H-Hewe's anyothew b-bawwad, of a f-fish that appeawed upon the +coast on Wednyesday *giggles shyly* the fouwscowe of Apwiw, fowty thousand >_< fathom +above watew, and sung this b-bawwad against the hawd heawts of +maids. It was thought she w-was a woman, and was tuwn'd i-into a cowd +*cuddles you* fish fow she w-wouwd nyot exchange fwesh with onye that wov'd hew. +The bawwad is v-vewy pitifuw, and as xDD twue. +DOWCAS. Is it twue too, *pokes you* think you? +^-^ AUTOWYCUS. F-Five *screams* justices' hands at it; and witnyesses mowe than my +pack wiww howd. +CWOWN. Way it by too. Anyothew. +AUTOWYCUS. ^-^ This is a mewwy bawwad, *looks at you* but a vewy pwetty *giggles shyly* onye. +MOPSA. Wet's have some mewwy onyes. +AUTOWYCUS. >w< Why, this is a-a passing *leans over* mewwy onye, and goes to the tunye +o-of 'Two maids wooing a man.' Thewe's scawce a-a maid westwawd but +she *cuddles you* sings it; 'tis UwU in wequest, I can teww you. +MOPSA. xDD can both sing it. If thou'wt beaw a pawt, thou shawt *looks away* heaw; +'tis in thwee *pokes you* pawts. +D-DOWCAS. We had the tunye on't a month ago. +AUTOWYCUS. I can beaw my pawt; you must knyow 'tis my occupation. +Have at it with you. + +SONG + +AUTOWYCUS. Get you hence, fow I must g-go +Whewe it fits nyot y-you *teleports behind you* to knyow. +DOWCAS. *cuddles you* Whithew? +MOPSA. O, whithew? +DOWCAS. Whithew? +MOPSA. It *moans* becomes thy oath fuww weww +Thou to me thy secwets teww. +DOWCAS. M-Me *moans* too! Wet me go thithew +MOPSA. Ow thou goest to th' gwange o-ow miww. +DOWCAS. If to eithew, thou dost iww. +AUTOWYCUS. Nyeithew. +DOWCAS. What, nyeithew? +AUTOWYCUS. Nyeithew. +*teleports behind you* DOWCAS. Thou hast swown my wove to be. +MOPSA. *screams* Thou hast swown it mowe to me. +T-Then whithew goest? Say, whithew? + +CWOWN. We'ww have this song out anyon by ouwsewves; >_< my *giggles shyly* fathew *giggles shyly* and +the gentwemen awe *looks away* in sad tawk, and we'ww nyot twoubwe them. Come, +bwing a-away thy pack aftew me. Wenches, I'ww x3 buy fow you both. +Pedwaw, wet's have t-the fiwst choice. Fowwow me, giwws. +Exit w-with DOWCAS and MOPSA +AUTOWYCUS. And you shaww pay weww fow '-'em. +Exit AUTOWYCUS, Singing + +Wiww you buy a-any tape, +O-Ow wace fow youw cape, +My dainty duck, my deaw-a? +Any siwk, any thwead, +Any t-toys fow *cries* youw head, +*cuddles you* Of the :33 nyew'st and fin'st, fin'st w-weaw-a? +Come to the pedwaw; +Monyey's *cries* a meddwew +*hugs tightly* That d-doth ^w^ uttew aww men's wawe-a. + +We-entew SEWVANT + +S-SEWVANT. Mastew, thewe is thwee cawtews, thwee s-shephewds, thwee +nyeat-hewds, thwee swinyehewds, that have made themsewves aww m-men +of h-haiw; t-they c-caww themsewves Sawtiews, and they have dance *looks away* which +t-the wenches say is a gawwimaufwy of gambows, because t-they awe nyot +in't; but they themsewves awe o' th' m-mind, if it be nyot t-too wough +fow some that knyow wittwe but ^-^ bowwing, *sighs* it wiww pwease +pwentifuwwy. +^.^ SHEPHEWD. Away! We'ww n-nyonye on't; hewe has been ;;w;; too much homewy +foowewy a-awweady. I knyow, siw, we w-weawy you. +POWIXENyES. You weawy t-those that wefwesh us. Pway, wet's see these +*blushes* fouw thwees of hewdsmen. +SEWVANT. O-Onye thwee of them, by theiw *cries* own x3 wepowt, siw, hath danc'd +*pokes you* befowe the King; *shuffles closer* and xDD nyot the wowst of the thwee but jumps *teleports behind you* twewve +foot and a-a hawf *looks away* by t-th' *moans* squiew. +SHEPHEWD. Weave OwO youw pwating; since >w< these ^-^ good men awe *sweats* pweas'd, *looks away* wet +them come in; but quickwy :3 nyow. +SEWVANT. Why, they stay at doow, s-siw. E-Exit + +Hewe *looks at you* a dance of twewve SATYWS + +POWIXENyES. [To ^w^ SHEPHEWD] O, fathew, you'ww knyow mowe of that +heweaftew. +[To CAMIWWO] Is it nyot too faw gonye? 'Tis time to p-pawt them. +He's simpwe and tewws m-much. [To FWOWIZEW] *hugs tightly* How nyow, faiw +shephewd! +Youw heawt is fuww of *giggles shyly* something >w< that does take +Y-Youw mind fwom *blushes* feasting. S-Sooth, when I was young +And h-handed wove as you d-do, I was wont +To *notices bulge* woad my she with knyacks; ;;w;; I wouwd have wansack'd +^-^ The pedwaw's siwken tweasuwy ;;w;; and have pouw'd it +To hew acceptance: you have wet him go +*blushes* And nyothing mawted with him. If youw wass +Intewpwetation shouwd abuse and caww this +Youw wack *looks away* of wove ow bounty, you wewe stwaited +Fow a wepwy, a-at w-weast if y-you m-make a cawe +Of happy howding hew. +FWOWIZEW. *screams* Owd siw, I knyow +She pwizes nyot s-such twifwes as these a-awe. +*sweats* The gifts ;;w;; she wooks f-fwom me *cuddles you* awe pack'd *looks at you* and ^w^ wock'd +Up in my heawt, w-which I-I have *pokes you* given awweady, +>w< But nyot d-dewivew'd. O, heaw ^w^ me bweathe my UwU wife +*hugs tightly* Befowe this ancient siw, *teleports behind you* whom, ^.^ it shouwd seem, +H-Hath sometime wov'd. I take xDD thy hand- this hand, +As *shuffles closer* soft as dove's down and as white *teleports behind you* as it, +*giggles shyly* Ow Ethiopian's *shuffles closer* tooth, ow the fann'd snyow that's bowted +B-By th' nyowthewn bwasts twice *leans over* o'ew. +POWIXENyES. What f-fowwows this? +x3 How pwettiwy the young s-swain seems to wash +The hand w-was faiw befowe! I h-have put *screams* you o-out. +B-But to youw >w< pwotestation; UwU wet me OwO heaw +What you pwofess. +FWOWIZEW. Do, and be witnyess t-to't. +POWIXENyES. A-And this my n-nyeighbouw too? +FWOWIZEW. And he, ^w^ and mowe +Than he, and *blushes* men- the eawth, the heavens, and aww: +T-That, wewe I cwown'd t-the most impewiaw monyawch, +Theweof most wowthy, wewe I the *screams* faiwest youth +That evew made eye s-swewve, had fowce and knyowwedge +Mowe than ^.^ was evew >w< man's, I-I wouwd nyot pwize them +Without *pokes you* hew *giggles shyly* wove; fow hew empwoy them aww; +Commend them a-and condemn them t-to uWu hew sewvice +Ow to theiw own pewdition. +*twerks* POWIXENyES. Faiwwy o-offew'd. +CAMIWWO. T-This shows a sound affection. +SHEPHEWD. *cuddles you* But, my daughtew, +Say you the wike to him? +*cries* PEWDITA. I cannyot speak +*sighs* So weww, nyothing so weww; nyo, nyow mean bettew. +By th' pattewn of minye own thoughts I cut out +The puwity of his. +SHEPHEWD. Take h-hands, a b-bawgain! +And, fwiends unknyown, y-you s-shaww beaw witnyess to't: +I >w< give my daughtew to him, :33 and wiww make +Hew powtion ^-^ equaw his. +F-FWOWIZEW. O, that must be +I-I' th' xDD viwtue of youw daughtew. O-Onye being dead, +I >_> shaww have mowe *looks at you* than you c-can dweam of y-yet; +E-Enyough then fow *notices bulge* youw w-wondew. But come on, +*shuffles closer* Contwact us fowe *giggles shyly* these witnyesses. +SHEPHEWD. Come, y-youw *leans over* hand; +And, daughtew, youws. +P-POWIXENyES. Soft, swain, awhiwe, beseech y-you; +H-Have you *twerks* a fathew? +FWOWIZEW. I have, but w-what of OwO him? +POWIXENyES. Knyows he of this? +FWOWIZEW. H-He nyeithew does nyow s-shaww. +P-POWIXENyES. Methinks a fathew +Is at the nyuptiaw o-of his son a guest +That *shuffles closer* best becomes the tabwe. ^w^ Pway you, once *looks at you* mowe, +Is nyot youw fathew gwown incapabwe +Of weasonyabwe affaiws? ;;w;; Is he n-nyot *teleports behind you* stupid +With age and awt'wing wheums? Can he *notices bulge* speak, heaw, +Knyow man fwom man, dispute his own estate? +Wies he nyot bed-wid, and again does nyothing +But what he did being chiwdish? +FWOWIZEW. Nyo, g-good siw; +He has ;;w;; his *giggles shyly* heawth, and ampwew s-stwength indeed +Than most have o-of his age. +P-POWIXENyES. By my white beawd, +You offew h-him, if t-this b-be so, a-a w-wwong +Something unfiwiaw. Weason my son +S-Shouwd c-choose himsewf a wife; ^w^ but as good weason +The fathew- aww whose joy *hugs tightly* is nyothing ewse +But faiw postewity- :3 shouwd *pokes you* howd some counsew +In such a businyess. +FWOWIZEW. I yiewd aww *cries* this; +But, fow s-some othew weasons, my gwave siw, +Which 'tis nyot fit UwU you k-knyow, I nyot acquaint +>w< My fathew of this businyess. +POWIXENyES. Wet him knyow't. +FWOWIZEW. He shaww *twerks* nyot. +POWIXENyES. Pwithee wet him. +FWOWIZEW. Nyo, he must nyot. +SHEPHEWD. Wet him, my son; he shaww *twerks* nyot n-nyeed to gwieve +At knyowing of UwU thy choice. +FWOWIZEW. Come, c-come, he must nyot. +Mawk ^w^ ouw contwact. +*teleports behind you* POWIXENyES. [Discovewing *sighs* himsewf] Mawk y-youw divowce, young s-siw, +*blushes* Whom *sweats* son I dawe n-nyot caww; thou *moans* awt too base +To be >w< acknyowwedg'd- thou a sceptwe's heiw, +T-That thus affects a-a sheep-hook! Thou, owd twaitow, +I am *notices bulge* sowwy that by hanging thee UwU I can b-but +Showten thy wife onye week. A-And *shuffles closer* thou, fwesh piece +Of e-excewwent witchcwaft, who of fowce must *screams* knyow +The x3 woyaw foow ;;w;; thou cop'st with- +SHEPHEWD. O, my *cuddles you* heawt! +POWIXENyES. I'ww have thy beauty scwatch'd with bwiews and made +Mowe h-homewy than thy state. Fow t-thee, fond boy, +If I m-may evew knyow thou d-dost but sigh +That t-thou nyo mowe shawt see this knyack- as nyevew +I mean thou shawt- we'ww baw thee fwom succession; +N-Nyot howd *looks away* thee of o-ouw b-bwood, nyo, nyot ouw *notices bulge* kin, +Fawwe t-than *sighs* Deucawion off. *looks away* Mawk thou my wowds. +:3 Fowwow u-us to t-the couwt. *sweats* Thou chuww, *notices bulge* fow this time, +Though f-fuww of ouw d-dispweasuwe, yet we fwee thee +*looks away* Fwom the d-dead bwow of *screams* it. And you, enchantment, +Wowthy enyough a h-hewdsman- yea, him too +T-That *looks away* makes himsewf, but f-fow ouw honyouw thewein, +Unwowthy *looks away* thee- >_< if >w< evew *looks at you* hencefowth thou +These wuwaw watches ;;w;; to his >w< entwance open, +Ow hoop UwU his b-body mowe with thy embwaces, +I *cuddles you* wiww *cries* devise a death as cwuew fow ;;w;; thee +As *giggles shyly* thou awt UwU tendew to't. Exit +PEWDITA. Even hewe undonye! +I was nyot much afeawd; fow once ow twice +I was about to speak and teww him pwainwy +The >w< sewf-same *blushes* sun that shinyes upon his couwt +Hides nyot his visage f-fwom ouw cottage, but +W-Wooks on awike. [To FWOWIZEW] W-Wiww't pwease you, siw, be gonye? +I-I towd you what wouwd come of :33 this. Beseech you, +Of youw own state take cawe. This dweam of minye- +Being nyow awake, *cuddles you* I'ww queen it nyo inch f-fawthew, +>_< But m-miwk my ewes and weep. +CAMIWWO. Why, how nyow, fathew! +*blushes* Speak ewe thou diest. +SHEPHEWD. I-I cannyot speak nyow think, +Nyow dawe *moans* to *twerks* knyow that which I knyow. [To FWOWIZEW] O siw, +You h-have undonye a man of fouwscowe-thwee +That thought to fiww his gwave in quiet, yea, +To die upon the bed my f-fathew died, +To *looks away* wie cwose by his honyest bonyes; *giggles shyly* but nyow +*pokes you* Some hangman must put on my shwoud and way m-me +Whewe nyo pwiest shovews in dust. [To PEWDITA] O cuwsed wwetch, +That knyew'st this was the P-Pwince, ^.^ and wouwdst adventuwe +>w< To mingwe faith with him!- Undonye, *looks away* undonye! +If I might die within >_< this houw, I h-have wiv'd +To die when *blushes* I desiwe. Exit +FWOWIZEW. Why wook you ^-^ so u-upon :33 me? +I am b-but sowwy, nyot afeawd; deway'd, +B-But nyothing awt'wed. What I-I was, I am: +Mowe *twerks* stwainying *twerks* on :3 fow pwucking back; n-nyot fowwowing +*cries* My weash unwiwwingwy. +CAMIWWO. Gwacious, my wowd, +:33 You :33 knyow youw fathew's tempew. ;;w;; At this time +*screams* He wiww awwow nyo speech- which I-I do guess +You do nyot p-puwpose to him- and as *leans over* hawdwy +Wiww he enduwe youw sight as yet, I feaw; +Then, tiww the fuwy ^.^ of his Highnyess settwe, +Come nyot befowe him. +FWOWIZEW. I nyot puwpose it. +I think C-Camiwwo? +CAMIWWO. Even he, my wowd. +PEWDITA. How often have I towd you 'twouwd be thus! +H-How *looks away* often s-said my dignyity wouwd :3 wast +x3 But tiww 'twewe knyown! +FWOWIZEW. It cannyot faiw but by +The viowation of my faith; and then +Wet ^w^ nyatuwe cwush the sides o-o' *sighs* th' eawth togethew +*looks at you* And maw the seeds within! Wift up thy wooks. +Fwom m-my succession *screams* wipe me, fathew; I +Am heiw to *notices bulge* my affection. +CAMIWWO. Be *pokes you* advis'd. +FWOWIZEW. *looks away* I am- and by OwO my fancy; uWu if my w-weason +Wiww theweto be obedient, I have weason; +I-If nyot, my *sweats* senses, bettew >_> pweas'd with madnyess, +;;w;; Do bid UwU it wewcome. +*blushes* CAMIWWO. >_< This is despewate, siw. +FWOWIZEW. So caww it; but it d-does *looks at you* fuwfiw m-my v-vow: +I n-nyeeds must think it honyesty. Camiwwo, +Nyot fow Bohemia, n-nyow the pomp that m-may +Be *screams* theweat gwean'd, fow aww *sighs* the sun sees *pokes you* ow +The cwose eawth wombs, ow the pwofound seas hides +In unknyown fathoms, wiww I bweak *sighs* my ^-^ oath +To this my faiw bewov'd. Thewefowe, I pway you, +As you have evew b-been m-my fathew's h-honyouw'd fwiend, +*leans over* When he shaww miss me- as, in faith, I mean nyot +^.^ To *teleports behind you* see him any mowe- cast y-youw good counsews +Upon h-his passion. Wet m-mysewf and Fowtunye +*screams* Tug fow *blushes* the time to come. This you may knyow, +And so *notices bulge* dewivew: I a-am p-put to sea +With hew xDD who hewe I cannyot howd *moans* on s-showe. +*cries* And most oppowtunye to h-hew >w< nyeed I h-have +A vessew wides fast by, but nyot pwepaw'd +*hugs tightly* Fow t-this design. What couwse *shuffles closer* I mean to howd +Shaww nyothing benyefit youw knyowwedge, nyow +Concewn me the wepowting. +CAMIWWO. O my w-wowd, +I wouwd youw *looks away* spiwit wewe e-easiew fow advice. +*teleports behind you* Ow stwongew fow youw nyeed. +FWOWIZEW. x3 Hawk, Pewdita. [Takes hew aside] +[To CAMIWWO] I'ww heaw *blushes* you by and b-by. +CAMIWWO. He's i-iwwemovabwe, +Wesowv'd fow fwight. Nyow wewe I happy xDD if +His *leans over* going I couwd fwame to sewve m-my >_< tuwn, +Save h-him fwom dangew, do him wove and *moans* honyouw, +Puwchase t-the sight again OwO of deaw Siciwia +And t-that unhappy king, m-my *twerks* mastew, ^w^ whom +I so much thiwst *cries* to see. +FWOWIZEW. Nyow, g-good uWu Camiwwo, +I am so fwaught with cuwious businyess that +I weave >_> out cewemony. +CAMIWWO. Siw, I think +Y-You have OwO heawd of my poow ;;w;; sewvices i' th' wove +T-That I have bownye youw >w< fathew? +FWOWIZEW. Vewy n-nyobwy +Have you desewv'd. It is my fathew's music +To speak youw deeds; n-nyot *moans* wittwe of his cawe +To have them wecompens'd as OwO thought on. +CAMIWWO. Weww, m-my wowd, +If >_< you may pwease to t-think I-I wove t-the K-King, +And thwough him what's nyeawest to him, which is +Youw >_< gwacious sewf, embwace *blushes* but my diwection. +>_> If y-youw mowe *pokes you* pondewous *twerks* and settwed pwoject +May suffew awtewation, on minye honyouw, +*notices bulge* I'ww point you whewe you shaww have such weceiving +As shaww become youw Highnyess; whewe you may +xDD Enjoy youw mistwess, *cries* fwom the *pokes you* whom, I see, +Thewe's nyo disjunction to ^-^ be made but by, +As heavens f-fowfend! youw wuin- mawwy hew; +And with my >w< best e-endeavouws *cuddles you* in *blushes* youw absence +*pokes you* Youw discontenting fathew stwive to q-quawify, +And bwing him *twerks* up to wiking. +*hugs tightly* FWOWIZEW. How, Camiwwo, +May this, awmost a *leans over* miwacwe, be d-donye? +*cuddles you* That I *screams* may caww thee something mowe than ^.^ man, +And >w< aftew that t-twust to thee. +CAMIWWO. Have you thought on +A pwace wheweto y-you'ww g-go? +F-FWOWIZEW. Nyot any yet; +But a-as th' unthought-on accident is guiwty +*twerks* To what we wiwdwy *sweats* do, so we pwofess +Ouwsewves to be the swaves of chance and f-fwies +Of evewy wind that bwows. +CAMIWWO. Then wist xDD to me. +This fowwows, if you w-wiww nyot x3 change >_< youw puwpose +^.^ But undewgo this fwight: make fow Siciwia, +uWu And thewe pwesent youwsewf and *cuddles you* youw faiw pwincess- +Fow so, I-I see, she m-must x3 be- fowe Weontes. +She shaww be *moans* habited as it becomes +The pawtnyew of *screams* youw xDD bed. Methinks I see +Weontes UwU openying his fwee awms and weeping +His wewcomes fowth; asks thee thewe 'Son, fowgivenyess!' +A-As 'twewe i-i' th' f-fathew's pewson; k-kisses the hands +Of youw fwesh pwincess; o'ew and o'ew divides him +'Twixt his unkindnyess *blushes* and his kindnyess- th' onye +He chides to h-heww, and *sighs* bids t-the *leans over* othew gwow +>_< Fastew than thought ow t-time. +FWOWIZEW. W-Wowthy Camiwwo, +W-What cowouw fow my visitation shaww I +Howd up befowe him? +CAMIWWO. Sent by the K-King youw fathew +To gweet him and to give him comfowts. Siw, +The mannyew of youw beawing x3 towawds him, x3 with +What you as fwom youw f-fathew shaww dewivew, +Things knyown betwixt us thwee, I'ww *looks away* wwite you down; +The which s-shaww point you fowth at evewy sitting +What you must say, that he shaww nyot p-pewceive +But that you have youw fathew's bosom thewe +And speak >w< his vewy heawt. +FWOWIZEW. I am bound t-to you. +Thewe is some sap in this. +CAMIWWO. A couwse mowe p-pwomising +Than a-a wiwd dedication of youwsewves +To *looks at you* unpath'd watews, u-undweam'd showes, most cewtain +T-To misewies enyough; nyo hope to *cuddles you* hewp y-you, +But as you shake >w< off onye to t-take anyothew; +*moans* Nyothing so c-cewtain as youw anchows, w-who +Do theiw best office if they UwU can but stay you +Whewe you'ww b-be woath to *teleports behind you* be. Besides, you knyow +Pwospewity's t-the v-vewy bond of wove, +Whose fwesh ^w^ compwexion and ^.^ whose heawt ^.^ togethew +Affwiction awtews. +PEWDITA. Onye of these is twue: +I-I think ^-^ affwiction may subdue the uWu cheek, +But nyot take in the mind. +C-CAMIWWO. Yea, say you *giggles shyly* so? +Thewe shaww nyot a-at youw f-fathew's house these s-seven yeaws +Be bown anyothew such. +FWOWIZEW. My g-good Camiwwo, +*cuddles you* She is as fowwawd of hew bweeding as +She is *hugs tightly* i' t-th' *cries* weaw o-o' ouw biwth. +CAMIWWO. I c-cannyot say 'tis ;;w;; pity +>_> She wacks instwuctions, f-fow she uWu seems a m-mistwess +T-To *sweats* most that teach. +PEWDITA. Youw pawdon, siw; fow this +I'ww bwush you thanks. +FWOWIZEW. M-My pwettiest *cries* Pewdita! +But, O, t-the >w< thowns we stand upon! Camiwwo- +Pwesewvew *screams* of my fathew, nyow *notices bulge* of me; +The medicinye of ouw house- how shaww we do? +^-^ We awe nyot fuwnyish'd wike Bohemia's son; +Nyow shaww appeaw in Siciwia. +*moans* CAMIWWO. My wowd, +Feaw nyonye of *looks away* this. I t-think you k-knyow my *twerks* fowtunyes +Do *shuffles closer* aww w-wie thewe. It shaww be so my cawe +T-To have you w-woyawwy appointed as i-if +The scenye *giggles shyly* you pway wewe minye. Fow UwU instance, siw, +That you m-may knyow you shaww nyot *teleports behind you* want- onye wowd. +[They tawk *looks at you* aside] + +*sighs* We-entew AUTOWYCUS + +AUTOWYCUS. Ha, ha! w-what a foow *blushes* Honyesty is! and Twust, his swown +bwothew, *moans* a *looks away* vewy simpwe gentweman! I have sowd aww ^.^ my twumpewy; +*notices bulge* nyot a countewfeit stonye, nyot a wibbon, gwass, pomandew, bwooch, +tabwe-book, b-bawwad, knyife, tape, gwove, shoe-tie, bwacewet, +hown-wing, to *sighs* keep UwU my pack fwom fasting. They t-thwong who ^.^ shouwd +buy f-fiwst, as if my twinkets *blushes* had been x3 hawwowed and bwought a +*screams* benyediction to t-the buyew; b-by ^w^ which means I saw whose puwse was +b-best in pictuwe; and what I saw, to my good use I wememb'wed. My +*teleports behind you* cwown, who *cries* wants but something to >_> be a *notices bulge* weasonyabwe man, gwew so in +wove with *shuffles closer* the wenches' *leans over* song that he wouwd nyot stiw *teleports behind you* his pettitoes +tiww he had both tunye and wowds, which so dwew t-the west of the +*moans* hewd to me that ^.^ aww >_> theiw othew senses stuck i-in *looks at you* eaws. You might +have pinch'd a pwacket, it was sensewess; 'twas nyothing to g-gewd a +codpiece of a puwse; I wouwd h-have *looks away* fiw'd keys off t-that hung in +chains. Nyo heawing, n-nyo f-feewing, but my *cries* siw's song, and admiwing +the nyothing of it. So that in *sweats* this time of wethawgy *shuffles closer* I p-pick'd and +cut m-most of theiw festivaw puwses; and had nyot the *leans over* owd man come +in with whoobub against his daughtew and the King's son *notices bulge* and +^w^ scaw'd *cries* my c-choughs fwom *teleports behind you* the chaff, I-I had n-nyot *screams* weft a puwse awive in +UwU the whowe awmy. + +CAMIWWO, FWOWIZEW, and *sweats* PEWDITA come fowwawd + +CAMIWWO. Nyay, but my x3 wettews, by *sighs* this means being thewe +So soon a-as you awwive, shaww cweaw that doubt. +FWOWIZEW. And those that you'ww pwocuwe fwom King Weontes? +CAMIWWO. Shaww satisfy *teleports behind you* youw fathew. +PEWDITA. Happy be you! +Aww that you s-speak shows faiw. +CAMIWWO. [seeing AUTOWYCUS] Who have we *leans over* hewe? +We'ww make *hugs tightly* an instwument of this; omit +Nyothing may give us *cuddles you* aid. +AUTOWYCUS. [Aside] If x3 they have *sighs* ovewheawd me *leans over* nyow- why, h-hanging. +CAMIWWO. How n-nyow, good fewwow! Why *cuddles you* shak'st thou so? +F-Feaw n-nyot, *pokes you* man; hewe's *leans over* nyo hawm intended :33 to *twerks* thee. +AUTOWYCUS. I a-am a poow f-fewwow, s-siw. +CAMIWWO. Why, be s-so stiww; x3 hewe's nyobody wiww steaw *sighs* that f-fwom thee. +Yet fow *moans* the outside of thy povewty *looks away* we must make an exchange; +thewefowe discase thee instantwy- thou must think thewe's a +nyecessity in't- and change gawments *leans over* with this gentweman. Though +UwU the pennywowth >_> on *sweats* his side be the wowst, yet x3 howd thee, thewe's +some boot. *hugs tightly* [Giving monyey] +>w< AUTOWYCUS. ^.^ I am a poow fewwow, s-siw. [-[Aside] *sweats* I *looks at you* knyow UwU ye weww +enyough. +CAMIWWO. Nyay, pwithee dispatch. The gentweman is hawf fway'd +awweady. +AUTOWYCUS. Awe you *leans over* in camest, siw? *shuffles closer* [Aside] *teleports behind you* I smeww :33 the twick +on't. +FWOWIZEW. *pokes you* Dispatch, I pwithee. +AUTOWYCUS. :33 Indeed, I have had eawnyest; but I cannyot w-with conscience +take i-it. +CAMIWWO. Unbuckwe, unbuckwe. + +FWOWIZEW and AUTOWYCUS exchange gawments + +Fowtunyate mistwess- wet my pwophecy +C-Come home to ye!- you *looks at you* must :3 wetiwe youwsewf +Into some covewt; take y-youw sweetheawt's hat +^-^ And pwuck it *cries* o'ew youw bwows, m-muffwe youw face, +Dismantwe you, a-and, as you can, diswiken +*cries* The twuth of youw own uWu seeming, *notices bulge* that you may- +Fow I *blushes* do feaw eyes ovew- ;;w;; to shipboawd +Get undescwied. +PEWDITA. I-I see t-the pway so wies +That I m-must beaw a pawt. +*pokes you* CAMIWWO. Nyo *looks away* wemedy. +Have you donye *moans* thewe? +FWOWIZEW. Shouwd I nyow meet my fathew, +He wouwd nyot c-caww m-me son. +CAMIWWO. Nyay, you shaww have *blushes* nyo *screams* hat. +[Giving it to PEWDITA] +Come, *looks at you* wady, come. Faweweww, my fwiend. +AUTOWYCUS. Adieu, siw. +F-FWOWIZEW. O Pewdita, what have we twain fowgot! +Pway y-you *cries* a wowd. [They convewse apawt] +CAMIWWO. [Aside] What I do nyext shaww be to teww the King +:3 Of this :3 escape, and w-whithew they a-awe b-bound; +Whewein my hope is >_> I s-shaww so pwevaiw +T-To f-fowce *sighs* him aftew; in whose company +I shaww we-view Siciwia, f-fow whose *teleports behind you* sight +I have a woman's wonging. +FWOWIZEW. Fowtunye UwU speed us! +Thus we uWu set on, Camiwwo, >_> to th' sea-side. +xDD CAMIWWO. The swiftew :3 speed *looks at you* the bettew. +Exeunt FWOWIZEW, P-PEWDITA, and CAMIWWO +AUTOWYCUS. I undewstand *screams* the b-businyess, I heaw it. To h-have an o-open +eaw, a *screams* quick >w< eye, and a nyimbwe hand, is nyecessawy f-fow a +;;w;; cut-puwse; a good nyose is wequisite *looks at you* awso, t-to *teleports behind you* smeww out *teleports behind you* wowk fow +*giggles shyly* th' othew senses. I see this is *blushes* the :3 time that the unjust m-man doth +thwive. UwU What an exchange ^-^ had t-this *cuddles you* been without ^.^ boot! What a-a b-boot +is hewe with this exchange! Suwe, *shuffles closer* the *hugs tightly* gods do this yeaw *moans* connyive +at us, and we m-may do anything e-extempowe. The Pwince himsewf is +about a p-piece o-of inyiquity- steawing away fwom his fathew with his +cwog at his heews. If I thought i-it wewe a p-piece of honyesty to +acquaint t-the King withaw, I wouwd nyot do't. x3 I howd it the *moans* mowe +knyavewy to conceaw it; and *twerks* thewein am I constant UwU to my +pwofession. + +We-entew CWOWN and SHEPHEWD + +Aside, aside- hewe is mowe *cuddles you* mattew fow a hot bwain. E-Evewy wanye's +end, evewy shop, *looks away* chuwch, session, hanging, yiewds *blushes* a cawefuw man +wowk. +C-CWOWN. See, see; what a man *blushes* you awe n-nyow! Thewe is nyo othew way but +to teww the King she's a changewing and nyonye of *looks away* youw fwesh and +*hugs tightly* bwood. +SHEPHEWD. uWu Nyay, but heaw me. +CWOWN. Nyay- but heaw me. +SHEPHEWD. Go to, then. +CWOWN. She being nyonye of :3 youw fwesh *sweats* and bwood, youw fwesh and bwood +has nyot offended the K-King; and so youw fwesh a-and bwood is nyot *cuddles you* to +be punyish'd by him. S-Show ^w^ those *leans over* things you found about hew, t-those +secwet things- aww but w-what s-she h-has with >_> hew. This being donye, +wet ^w^ the waw go whistwe; I wawwant you. +SHEPHEWD. I *moans* wiww teww the King *twerks* aww, evewy wowd- y-yea, *shuffles closer* and his son's +pwanks too; who, I uWu may say, is nyo honyest man, nyeithew to his +fathew nyow to me, to go about t-to make me the King's +bwothew-in-waw. +CWOWN. I-Indeed, bwothew-in-waw was the fawthest off you couwd have +x3 been to him; and then youw bwood had been the deawew by I knyow +how much an ounce. +AUTOWYCUS. [Aside] V-Vewy wisewy, puppies! +SHEPHEWD. W-Weww, wet us to the *cries* King. Thewe is ^.^ that in this fawdew +wiww make him scwatch his beawd. +AUTOWYCUS. [Aside] I ;;w;; knyow ;;w;; nyot what impediment t-this *cuddles you* compwaint may +be >_< to the fwight of >_< my mastew. +C-CWOWN. Pway heawtiwy he be at pawace. +AUTOWYCUS. [Aside] Though I am nyot nyatuwawwy honyest, :3 I am so +sometimes by *sweats* chance. Wet me pocket up my *hugs tightly* pedwaw's *notices bulge* excwement. +[Takes off his fawse b-beawd] H-How ^w^ nyow, wustics! x3 Whithew awe you +bound? +S-SHEPHEWD. To th' *twerks* pawace, an it wike y-youw w-wowship. +AUTOWYCUS. Youw affaiws *moans* thewe, >w< what, with whom, :33 the condition *blushes* of +t-that f-fawdew, the pwace of youw dwewwing, youw nyames, youw ages, +of *looks away* what having, bweeding, and anything that is *hugs tightly* fitting ^-^ to be +knyown- uWu discovew. +CWOWN. We awe but *teleports behind you* pwain fewwows, siw. +AUTOWYCUS. A wie: you awe wough and haiwy. Wet me have n-nyo wying; *moans* it +becomes nyonye but twadesmen, and they often UwU give us sowdiews the +*hugs tightly* wie; but *moans* we pay them fow i-it *teleports behind you* with stamped coin, nyot stabbing +steew; thewefowe :33 they do nyot *shuffles closer* give us the wie. +CWOWN. Youw *looks away* wowship had wike to have given us onye, if you had n-nyot +taken youwsewf with the >w< mannyew. +SHEPHEWD. A-Awe you a couwtiew, an't wike *sweats* you, siw? +AUTOWYCUS. Whethew it wike me :3 ow nyo, I am a couwtiew. Seest thou +*moans* nyot the aiw of the couwt i-in these enfowdings? Hath nyot *teleports behind you* my gait in +it the measuwe of the couwt? W-Weceives nyot thy nyose couwt-odouw +fwom me? Wefwect I-I nyot on t-thy basenyess c-couwt-contempt? Think'st +thou, fow t-that I insinyuate, t-that toaze f-fwom thee *teleports behind you* thy businyess, I +am thewefowe nyo couwtiew? I am couwtiew c-cap-a-pe, and o-onye that +wiww eithew push on ow pwuck back thy businyess thewe; wheweupon I +command the *leans over* to open thy affaiw. +SHEPHEWD. OwO My businyess, siw, is to the King. +AUTOWYCUS. What *sweats* advocate hast uWu thou to him? +SHEPHEWD. *sweats* I knyow nyot, an't w-wike you. +CWOWN. Advocate's the c-couwt-wowd fow a pheasant; OwO say you have nyonye. +SHEPHEWD. Nyonye, siw; I have *moans* nyo pheasant, cock nyow hen. +AUTOWYCUS. How bwessed awe *giggles shyly* we that awe *blushes* nyot simpwe men! +Yet nyatuwe might have made me as t-these awe, +Thewefowe I wiww nyot disdain. +CWOWN. This UwU cannyot be but a gweat couwtiew. +*twerks* SHEPHEWD. His gawments awe wich, but he weaws them nyot handsomewy. +CWOWN. He s-seems to be the mowe nyobwe i-in being fantasticaw. +A-A gweat m-man, I'ww wawwant; I-I knyow b-by the picking on's teeth. +AUTOWYCUS. The fawdew *sweats* thewe? What's i-i' ^w^ th' fawdew? Whewefowe that +box? +SHEPHEWD. Siw, thewe wies s-such s-secwets in this fawdew and box which +nyonye must knyow but the K-King; and which he *blushes* shaww knyow within *twerks* this +houw, if I may come to t-th' speech of him. +AUTOWYCUS. A-Age, thou hast wost thy wabouw. +SHEPHEWD. Why, Siw? +AUTOWYCUS. The King is *giggles shyly* nyot at the pawace; ^w^ he is gonye :3 aboawd a nyew +ship to puwge mewanchowy and aiw h-himsewf; fow, if thou be'st +capabwe o-of *moans* things sewious, *notices bulge* thou must knyow the King *looks away* is fuww ^-^ of +gwief. +SHEPHEWD. So ^w^ 'tis *sighs* said, siw- about his son, that shouwd have +mawwied >_< a shephewd's daughtew. +AUTOWYCUS. If that *sighs* shephewd b-be nyot in *hugs tightly* hand-fast, *twerks* wet him fwy; the +c-cuwses he shaww have, t-the towtuwes he shaww feew, wiww UwU bweak the +back o-of ^.^ man, the *cries* heawt of monstew. +C-CWOWN. Think you so, >w< siw? +AUTOWYCUS. Nyot he >_> awonye shaww suffew *pokes you* what wit can make heavy and +vengeance bittew; but t-those that awe gewmanye to him, though +wemov'd fifty times, s-shaww aww c-come u-undew the h-hangman- which, +t-though i-it be gweat pity, yet it is nyecessawy. xDD An owd +sheep-whistwing wogue, a ^.^ wam-tendew, to offew to *looks away* have >w< his +daughtew come *leans over* into gwace! Some say he ^.^ shaww be UwU ston'd; but that +death is too soft fow him, s-say I-I. Dwaw ouw thwonye into a +sheep-cote!- aww deaths awe too few, the shawpest too easy. +CWOWN. *pokes you* Has the owd man e'ew *leans over* a s-son, siw, do you heaw, an't wike you, +siw? +AUTOWYCUS. He has a son- who shaww be fway'd awive; then 'nyointed +ovew w-with honyey, *pokes you* set on the head of a wasp's nyest; *twerks* then xDD stand +t-tiww he be thwee quawtews and a-a dwam dead; then wecovew'd again +with aqua-vitae ow some othew hot i-infusion; then, waw as he is, +*hugs tightly* and *teleports behind you* in the h-hottest day pwognyostication p-pwocwaims, shaww he *pokes you* be set +against a >_> bwick waww, the sun w-wooking *pokes you* with a southwawd eye upon +him, whewe he is *twerks* to behowd him with f-fwies :33 bwown to death. But +*blushes* what tawk we of these twaitowwy w-wascaws, whose misewies awe to be +s-smiw'd at, t-theiw *screams* offences being so capitaw? Teww m-me, fow you seem +*screams* to be honyest pwain men, *sighs* what you have to the King. Being +something *looks away* gentwy considew'd, I'ww bwing you whewe he is aboawd, +tendew youw OwO pewsons t-to his pwesence, w-whispew him in youw behawfs; +and if i-it be in man besides the King to effect youw suits, hewe +is *moans* man shaww do it. +*looks away* CWOWN. He seems to be of gweat authowity. Cwose w-with h-him, give him +gowd; and though authowity be a stubbown *teleports behind you* beaw, y-yet he is oft wed +b-by the nyose with gowd. Show the inside of youw puwse to the +outside o-of his hand, *moans* and nyo mowe ado. Wemembew- ston'd and fway'd +awive. +*twerks* SHEPHEWD. An't p-pwease you, siw, to undewtake *shuffles closer* the businyess f-fow us, +h-hewe is that gowd I have. ^.^ I'ww *sweats* make it >_< as much mowe, a-and weave +this uWu young man in pawn tiww I bwing it *sweats* you. +AUTOWYCUS. Aftew I have *notices bulge* donye what I pwomised? +SHEPHEWD. Ay, siw. +AUTOWYCUS. Weww, give me the moiety. Awe you a :3 pawty *screams* in *pokes you* this +businyess? +CWOWN. In some sowt, *shuffles closer* siw; but *cuddles you* though my case be a-a pitifuw o-onye, I +hope I shaww *cuddles you* nyot be fway'd out o-of it. +:3 AUTOWYCUS. O, that's the case of the *blushes* shephewd's son! Hang him, +he'ww be made an *moans* exampwe. +CWOWN. Comfowt, :3 good comfowt! We must x3 to the K-King and s-show o-ouw +stwange sights. H-He must knyow 'tis n-nyonye of youw *blushes* daughtew *looks at you* nyow my +*pokes you* sistew; we awe gonye ewse. Siw, I wiww xDD give you as much as this +owd man does, when uWu the businyess is pewfowmed; and wemain, a-as *blushes* he +says, y-youw pawn :33 tiww it be bwought you. +AUTOWYCUS. I ^w^ wiww twust y-you. Wawk *cries* befowe towawd ^w^ the sea-side; go on +the wight-hand; I *moans* wiww *blushes* but w-wook upon the >_> hedge, *giggles shyly* and fowwow you. +CWOWN. We awe bwest in this man, as I m-may say, even bwest. +SHEPHEWD. W-Wet's befowe, as *shuffles closer* he *notices bulge* bids us. He >_> was p-pwovided to do us +g-good. Exeunt ^w^ SHEPHEWD UwU and CWOWN +AUTOWYCUS. >_< If I had a mind t-to *leans over* be honyest, *sighs* I *cuddles you* see Fowtunye wouwd nyot +suffew m-me: she dwops b-booties in my xDD mouth. I a-am couwted n-nyow with a +doubwe *shuffles closer* occasion- gowd, and a means to do the Pwince my m-mastew +good; which who k-knyows how that >_< may tuwn back *hugs tightly* to my a-advancement? I +wiww *moans* bwing these two mowes, t-these bwind onyes, aboawd him. If h-he +think it fit *looks at you* to showe them again, and that the compwaint they +have x3 to the King concewns him nyothing, wet him *looks at you* caww me wogue fow +being so faw officious; fow I *sweats* am pwoof against that titwe, and +UwU what shame ewse ;;w;; bewongs to't. To him wiww *leans over* I pwesent them. Thewe +m-may *hugs tightly* be mattew in it. E-Exit + + + + +<_< OF W-WIWWIAM +SHAKESPEAWE IS COPYWIGHT 1-1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY PWOJECT *sweats* GUTENBEWG ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. E-EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY B-BE +D-DISTWIBUTED SO W-WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED ^-^ OW USED +COMMEWCIAWWY. PWOHIBITED COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY ANY +S-SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I. +Siciwia. The pawace of WEONTES + +Entew WEONTES, C-CWEOMENyES, DION, PAUWINyA, and OTHEWS + +CWEOMENyES. Siw, y-you have donye enyough, and have pewfowm'd +A saint-wike sowwow. Nyo f-fauwt couwd you make +Which you have nyot wedeem'd; indeed, paid down +Mowe penyitence x3 than donye twespass. At *blushes* the wast, +Do as the heavens have donye: fowget youw eviw; +*twerks* With them fowgive youwsewf. +WEONTES. Whiwst I ^w^ wemembew +Hew and hew viwtues, *sweats* I c-cannyot fowget +My b-bwemishes in them, UwU and so stiww think o-of +The wwong I did mysewf; w-which w-was so much +That heiwwess it hath >w< made my k-kingdom, and +Destwoy'd the sweet'st *moans* companyion that e'ew ;;w;; man +*blushes* Bwed his hopes out of. +PAUWINyA. Twue, too twue, my wowd. +If, onye by o-onye, you wedded aww the wowwd, +Ow fwom the aww that awe took something *cries* good +To make a pewfect woman, *hugs tightly* she you kiww'd +Wouwd be *moans* unpawawwew'd. +WEONTES. I think so. Kiww'd! +She I kiww'd! I did so; but thou stwik'st *leans over* me +Sowewy, to say *shuffles closer* I did. It i-is as bittew +Upon thy tongue a-as in my thought. Nyow, good xDD nyow, +Say so but sewdom. +CWEOMENyES. Nyot uWu at a-aww, good wady. +You might have spoken a thousand things t-that wouwd +Have donye *cuddles you* the time mowe uWu benyefit, and gwac'd +Youw kindnyess bettew. +PAUWINyA. You awe onye of those +Wouwd have him wed again. +DION. I-If you wouwd nyot *cuddles you* so, +^w^ You pity nyot *pokes you* the state, nyow the wemembwance +*pokes you* Of his ^-^ most soveweign nyame; c-considew *screams* wittwe +W-What >w< dangews, b-by his Highnyess' faiw of *hugs tightly* issue, +May dwop upon *cuddles you* his kingdom and devouw +Incewtain wookews-on. What wewe *screams* mowe howy +Than t-to wejoice >w< the fowmew queen is weww? +UwU What howiew than, fow woyawty's wepaiw, +Fow pwesent comfowt, and fow futuwe good, +*cries* To bwess the bed of *teleports behind you* majesty >w< again +With a s-sweet fewwow to't? +PAUWINyA. Thewe is nyonye wowthy, +Wespecting hew that's *shuffles closer* gonye. Besides, the gods +Wiww have fuwfiww'd theiw secwet puwposes; +Fow *moans* has n-nyot the divinye A-Apowwo ^.^ said, +Is't *sighs* nyot t-the tenyouw of his owacwe, +That *sweats* King Weontes shaww xDD nyot have an heiw +Tiww his wost chiwd be found? Which that it *hugs tightly* shaww, +Is aww as monstwous to ouw h-human weason +As my Antigonyus to bweak *looks at you* his g-gwave +And come a-again to me; who, on my wife, +Did pewish with the infant. 'Tis *hugs tightly* youw ;;w;; counsew +M-My wowd shouwd to the heavens be contwawy, +Oppose against theiw wiwws. [To WEONTES] Cawe nyot fow *sweats* issue; +The cwown *hugs tightly* wiww find ;;w;; an h-heiw. Gweat Awexandew +Weft his UwU to *notices bulge* th' *blushes* wowthiest; so his successow +Was *twerks* wike to be the best. +*hugs tightly* WEONTES. >_> Good Pauwinya, +W-Who hast the m-memowy of H-Hewmionye, +*twerks* I knyow, in h-honyouw, O that evew I +Had squaw'd me to thy counsew! Then, even n-nyow, +I might have w-wook'd upon m-my queen's fuww eyes, +Have taken tweasuwe fwom h-hew wips- +PAUWINyA. And weft them +Mowe wich fow what t-they yiewded. +WEONTES. Thou speak'st twuth. +Nyo mowe such wives; thewefowe, nyo wife. Onye wowse, +A-And bettew us'd, wouwd m-make hew sainted *screams* spiwit +Again *leans over* possess hew cowpse, a-and on this stage, +Whewe we offend hew nyow, appeaw souw-vex'd, +And begin 'Why to me'- +PAUWINyA. H-Had she such powew, +She had just cause. +*shuffles closer* WEONTES. She had; and wouwd incense me +To muwdew hew I mawwied. +PAUWINyA. I shouwd so. +Wewe I the g-ghost that wawk'd, I'd bid you mawk +H-Hew eye, a-and teww me f-fow what duww pawt in't +You chose hew; then I'd shwiek, t-that *looks at you* even youw eaws +Shouwd wift to *shuffles closer* heaw m-me; and the wowds that fowwow'd +Shouwd be 'Wemembew minye.' +WEONTES. Staws, staws, +And aww eyes ewse *sweats* dead coaws! Feaw thou n-nyo wife; +I'ww have nyo wife, Pauwinya. +PAUWINyA. Wiww you sweaw +Nyevew to mawwy but by *pokes you* my f-fwee weave? +WEONTES. Nyevew, Pauwinya; s-so be UwU bwest my spiwit! +PAUWINyA. T-Then, good my wowds, beaw w-witnyess to h-his oath. +CWEOMENyES. You t-tempt *pokes you* him ovew-much. +*pokes you* PAUWINyA. Unwess a-anyothew, +As wike Hewmionye as i-is hew pictuwe, +UwU Affwont his eye. +CWEOMENyES. Good madam- +PAUWINyA. I h-have donye. +Yet, if my *notices bulge* wowd wiww mawwy- *cries* if you wiww, siw, +Nyo wemedy but *twerks* you *screams* wiww- give me ^w^ the office +To choose you xDD a queen. She s-shaww nyot be *looks at you* so young +As was youw fowmew; but she shaww be s-such +As, wawk'd youw fiwst q-queen's ghost, it shouwd take joy +To see hew in youw awms. +WEONTES. x3 My twue Pauwinya, +We shaww nyot mawwy tiww thou bid'st *looks at you* us. +PAUWINyA. That +Shaww b-be when youw f-fiwst queen's again in bweath; +Nyevew tiww then. + +Entew a GENTWEMAN + +GENTWEMAN. Onye that gives out himsewf Pwince Fwowizew, +S-Son of Powixenyes, *screams* with h-his pwincess- she +The f-faiwest *blushes* I have *sweats* yet behewd- desiwes *looks at you* access +To youw high pwesence. +WEONTES. What with him? He c-comes nyot +*screams* Wike to *hugs tightly* his >_< fathew's gweatnyess. His appwoach, +So o-out of *giggles shyly* ciwcumstance and sudden, tewws us +'Tis nyot a v-visitation fwam'd, but fowc'd +*shuffles closer* By >w< nyeed and accident. What twain? +GENTWEMAN. But >w< few, +And those but *looks at you* mean. +W-WEONTES. His pwincess, s-say you, w-with h-him? +GENTWEMAN. Ay; the most peewwess piece of ;;w;; eawth, I-I OwO think, +*moans* That e'ew the sun shonye bwight o-on. +PAUWINyA. O Hewmionye, +As evewy pwesent ;;w;; time doth >_< boast itsewf +Above a bettew gonye, so m-must t-thy gwave +Give way to what's seen nyow! Siw, you youwsewf +*pokes you* Have said and wwit so, but youw wwiting nyow +I-Is >_> cowdew than that theme: 'She had nyot been, +Nyow was nyot to be equaww'd.' Thus y-youw vewse +Fwow'd w-with hew beauty once; 'tis *moans* shwewdwy ebb'd, +To say you h-have seen x3 a bettew. +>_> GENTWEMAN. Pawdon, madam. +The onye I >_> have awmost fowgot- youw pawdon; +^-^ The othew, when she *moans* has obtain'd youw eye, +Wiww have youw tongue too. This is >w< a cweatuwe, +*cries* Wouwd s-she begin a sect, might quench >_> the zeaw +Of aww pwofessows ewse, make pwosewytes +Of who *screams* she but b-bid *cries* fowwow. +PAUWINyA. H-How! nyot women? +GENTWEMAN. *moans* Women *giggles shyly* wiww wove *blushes* hew that *cuddles you* she is a woman +Mowe wowth than *blushes* any *shuffles closer* man; men, that she is +The wawest o-of aww women. +WEONTES. Go, :33 Cweomenyes; +Youwsewf, >_> assisted with youw honyouw'd fwiends, +Bwing >_> them to ouw embwacement. Exeunt +S-Stiww, 'tis stwange +He thus shouwd steaw xDD upon us. +PAUWINyA. >_> Had ouw pwince, +Jewew *pokes you* of c-chiwdwen, seen this houw, he :33 had *twerks* paiw'd +Weww with this wowd; thewe *looks away* was nyot fuww a month +Between theiw biwths. +WEONTES. Pwithee nyo mowe; x3 cease. Thou k-knyow'st +He dies to ^.^ me *twerks* again when tawk'd of. Suwe, +When I shaww see this gentweman, thy speeches +Wiww bwing m-me t-to considew that w-which ^.^ may +Unfuwnyish me of weason. + +*moans* We-entew CWEOMENyES, with FWOWIZEW, PEWDITA, and +ATTENDANTS + +They awe come. +Youw mothew ^w^ was most twue to wedwock, Pwince; +Fow she did pwint youw woyaw fathew o-off, +Conceiving you. *teleports behind you* Wewe I *sweats* but twenty-onye, +Youw fathew's image is so hit *notices bulge* in you +His vewy *hugs tightly* aiw, that I shouwd caww y-you bwothew, +As I d-did him, and speak *hugs tightly* of something wiwdwy +By us pewfowm'd befowe. Most deawwy w-wewcome! +And y-youw :33 faiw pwincess- g-goddess! O, awas! +I wost a *looks away* coupwe *pokes you* that 'twixt *looks at you* heaven and eawth +Might t-thus have stood begetting wondew >_> as +You, gwacious coupwe, OwO do. :3 And then I wost- +*teleports behind you* Aww minye own >_< fowwy- the society, +Amity t-too, o-of youw bwave fathew, *giggles shyly* whom, +Though beawing >_> misewy, I desiwe my wife +*leans over* Once mowe to wook on him. +>w< FWOWIZEW. By his command +H-Have I hewe touch'd Siciwia, and fwom him +>_< Give you aww gweetings that a king, at *sweats* fwiend, +Can send his b-bwothew; and, but infiwmity, +Which *screams* waits upon >_> wown times, hath s-something ;;w;; seiz'd +His w-wish'd abiwity, he had *blushes* himsewf +The wands a-and ;;w;; watews '-'twixt youw thwonye and his +>_< Measuw'd, to wook upon you; *cuddles you* whom he woves, +He bade >_< me say so, m-mowe than aww the sceptwes +And those that beaw them wiving. +W-WEONTES. O-O my bwothew- +Good gentweman!- the ^.^ wwongs I have donye thee stiw +A-Afwesh within me; a-and these *hugs tightly* thy offices, +So wawewy k-kind, awe as intewpwetews +Of my b-behind-hand swacknyess! ^w^ Wewcome hithew, +As is the s-spwing to ^-^ th' eawth. And hath h-he too +Expos'd *pokes you* this p-pawagon to th' feawfuw usage, +:33 At xDD weast ungentwe, of the dweadfuw Nyeptunye, +*looks away* To gweet a m-man *cuddles you* nyot wowth hew pains, much *sweats* wess +Th' *pokes you* adventuwe of hew pewson? +F-FWOWIZEW. Good, my wowd, +She came fwom Wibya. +WEONTES. Whewe the wawwike Smawus, +That nyobwe honyouw'd wowd, is >_< feaw'd and :3 wov'd? +FWOWIZEW. Most woyaw siw, fwom thence; fwom him whose daughtew +His teaws *screams* pwocwaim'd his, pawting with hew; thence, +A pwospewous *leans over* south-wind fwiendwy, we h-have cwoss'd, +To execute the chawge my fathew gave me +Fow visiting youw Highnyess. M-My best twain +I h-have fwom youw Siciwian showes dismiss'd; +*teleports behind you* Who f-fow Bohemia bend, t-to signyify +Nyot onwy my success in x3 Wibya, *leans over* siw, +But my awwivaw and my wife's in safety +Hewe whewe we awe. +WEONTES. The *hugs tightly* bwessed gods +P-Puwge aww infection fwom ouw aiw whiwst you +^-^ Do cwimate hewe! You have a howy *notices bulge* fathew, +A gwacefuw gentweman, against whose pewson, +So sacwed as it is, I UwU have donye sin, +F-Fow which the heavens, taking angwy nyote, +H-Have weft me issuewess; and >_> youw fathew's bwest, +*looks at you* As *looks away* he xDD fwom heaven mewits it, with you, +Wowthy his goodnyess. What *giggles shyly* might I have been, +Might *giggles shyly* I a son and daughtew nyow have w-wook'd on, +Such goodwy things *teleports behind you* as you! + +Entew a-a WOWD + +WOWD. Most nyobwe siw, +*blushes* That which I s-shaww wepowt wiww *shuffles closer* beaw n-nyo cwedit, +Wewe nyot t-the pwoof so nyigh. Pwease you, gweat siw, +Bohemia UwU gweets you fwom himsewf by me; +Desiwes you to attach uWu his s-son, who >_> has- +His dignyity and d-duty both cast off- +Fwed *hugs tightly* fwom his fathew, fwom his hopes, a-and with +A shephewd's *leans over* daughtew. +W-WEONTES. Whewe's *shuffles closer* Bohemia? Speak. +WOWD. Hewe in youw city; *cuddles you* I nyow came fwom him. +I speak ^-^ amazedwy; a-and it becomes +My mawvew and my message. To *shuffles closer* youw couwt +W-Whiwes he was hast'nying- in the c-chase, it seems, +Of *sweats* this *screams* faiw coupwe- m-meets he *twerks* on t-the way +The fathew of this seeming wady and +Hew bwothew, h-having both theiw countwy q-quitted +With this young pwince. +FWOWIZEW. Camiwwo h-has betway'd >_< me; +*leans over* Whose honyouw *sweats* and w-whose honyesty tiww nyow +*notices bulge* Enduw'd aww weathews. +WOWD. Way't so to his chawge; +H-He's with the King y-youw fathew. +WEONTES. Who? Camiwwo? +W-WOWD. Camiwwo, siw; I spake with him; who nyow +Has *hugs tightly* these poow men ^w^ in question. Nyevew saw ;;w;; I +Wwetches *sweats* so quake. They k-knyeew, they kiss the eawth; +Fowsweaw themsewves as often as they speak. +Bohemia stops UwU his eaws, and thweatens them +W-With divews *sweats* deaths in death. +*shuffles closer* PEWDITA. O my poow f-fathew! +T-The h-heaven sets spies upon us, wiww *sighs* nyot ^.^ have +Ouw contwact cewebwated. +WEONTES. You awe mawwied? +FWOWIZEW. :3 We awe n-nyot, siw, nyow awe we wike t-to be; +>w< The staws, I see, *teleports behind you* wiww *looks away* kiss the vawweys f-fiwst. +The odds fow h-high and w-wow's awike. +*leans over* WEONTES. UwU My wowd, +Is this the daughtew of a ;;w;; king? +FWOWIZEW. She is, +When once she ^w^ is *twerks* my wife. +WEONTES. That 'once,' ^.^ I see by youw good fathew's speed, +Wiww come on v-vewy swowwy. I am :3 sowwy, +Most *cries* sowwy, you have bwoken *shuffles closer* fwom his wiking +Whewe you wewe tied i-in d-duty; a-and *looks at you* as sowwy +*cuddles you* Youw *sweats* choice *cuddles you* is nyot *teleports behind you* so wich in wowth as beauty, +That you might weww enjoy hew. +FWOWIZEW. Deaw, w-wook up. +Though Fowtunye, visibwe an enyemy, +Shouwd chase us with my *cries* fathew, :3 pow'w nyo jot +Hath she UwU to change ouw woves. Beseech you, siw, +Wemembew since you ow'd *notices bulge* nyo mowe to time +Than I d-do n-nyow. With thought o-of such *notices bulge* affections, +S-Step f-fowth minye advocate; at youw *cries* wequest +My fathew wiww gwant pwecious things as twifwes. +*hugs tightly* WEONTES. Wouwd he do so, I'd beg youw pwecious mistwess, +Which UwU he counts ^w^ but a twifwe. +PAUWINyA. Siw, my wiege, +*notices bulge* Youw eye hath too much youth in't. Nyot *shuffles closer* a ;;w;; month +Fowe youw queen died, she was mowe w-wowth such g-gazes +Than what ^.^ you wook on nyow. +WEONTES. I thought of hew +E-Even in >_> these wooks I made. [To *shuffles closer* FWOWIZEW] But youw p-petition +*looks away* Is yet unyanswew'd. I wiww to y-youw f-fathew. +Youw honyouw nyot o'ewthwown by youw desiwes, +I am fwiend to *hugs tightly* them and you. U-Upon which e-ewwand +I-I nyow go towawd *cries* him; thewefowe, fowwow me, +A-And mawk w-what way I make. :33 Come, :3 good m-my wowd. >_> Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Siciwia. *moans* Befowe the pawace of WEONTES + +Entew A-AUTOWYCUS and a GENTWEMAN + +AUTOWYCUS. Beseech you, siw, wewe you pwesent at this wewation? +FIWST GENTWEMAN. I *pokes you* was by at t-the openying of the :3 fawdew, heawd t-the +owd s-shephewd dewivew the m-mannyew how he found it; wheweupon, aftew +a-a wittwe *teleports behind you* amazednyess, we wewe aww commanded out of the chambew; +onwy this, *screams* methought I heawd t-the shephewd say he found the chiwd. +AUTOWYCUS. I-I xDD wouwd ^-^ most gwadwy k-knyow the issue of it. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. I-I m-make a bwoken dewivewy of >w< the businyess; but the +c-changes I p-pewceived in the *cries* King and *teleports behind you* Camiwwo *pokes you* wewe vewy nyotes of +*sighs* admiwation. ;;w;; They :33 seem'd a-awmost, with s-stawing on ^.^ onye *pokes you* anyothew, to +teaw the cases *leans over* of theiw eyes; *sighs* thewe was speech in theiw dumbnyess, +*looks at you* wanguage in theiw vewy gestuwe; t-they wook'd as they had heawd *teleports behind you* of +x3 a wowwd wansom'd, ow onye destwoyed. A nyotabwe passion of wondew +^w^ appeawed in x3 them; but t-the wisest behowdew that k-knyew nyo mowe but +seeing couwd nyot *sweats* say if th' impowtance wewe *sighs* joy o-ow sowwow- but in +the extwemity of the onye it must nyeeds be. + +Entew anyothew GENTWEMAN + +Hewe comes a-a gentweman that h-happiwy knyows m-mowe. The nyews, W-Wogewo? +SECOND *sweats* GENTWEMAN. Nyothing but bonfiwes. The *giggles shyly* owacwe is fuwfiww'd: +the K-King's daughtew *shuffles closer* is >w< found. Such a deaw of wondew is bwoken *giggles shyly* out +within this houw *looks at you* that bawwad-makews c-cannyot be abwe to expwess i-it. + +Entew anyothew xDD GENTWEMAN + +H-Hewe comes the Wady P-Pauwinya's stewawd; he can dewivew you m-mowe. +How g-goes it nyow, siw? This nyews, which is c-caww'd twue, is so wike +an *giggles shyly* owd tawe that the vewity of it is i-in *looks at you* stwong suspicion. Has the +King found *hugs tightly* his heiw? +THIWD GENTWEMAN. Most twue, if e-evew twuth wewe pwegnyant by +ciwcumstance. That which *hugs tightly* you heaw y-you'ww sweaw you see, *sighs* thewe is +such unyity in ;;w;; the *shuffles closer* pwoofs. *pokes you* The mantwe of Queen Hewmionye's; hew +jewew about the n-nyeck of >_< it; t-the *screams* wettews o-of Antigonyus found with +it, which they k-knyow t-to be his chawactew; the majesty of the +cweatuwe in wesembwance of the mothew; the *looks at you* affection of n-nyobwenyess +which nyatuwe shows above hew bweeding; and many othew e-evidences- +pwocwaim hew with ^w^ aww cewtainty t-to be the King's daughtew. Did +you see the m-meeting of the two kings? +*looks at you* SECOND GENTWEMAN. Nyo. +THIWD GENTWEMAN. Then you *cries* have wost a sight which was to be seen, +cannyot be spoken of. Thewe might you have xDD behewd onye joy cwown +anyothew, so and in such mannyew that it seem'd *notices bulge* sowwow wept to *cries* take +weave of t-them; fow theiw joy waded *cries* in teaws. T-Thewe was casting ^-^ up +of eyes, howding up of hands, with countenyance of such +distwaction t-that they wewe to be knyown by gawment, nyot by favouw. +Ouw king, being weady t-to w-weap out of h-himsewf fow joy o-of his found +daughtew, as if that joy wewe nyow b-become x3 a woss, cwies 'O, thy +*blushes* mothew, t-thy mothew!' *screams* then asks Bohemia *hugs tightly* fowgivenyess; then embwaces +h-his son-in-waw; then again wowwies he h-his daughtew with cwipping +hew. Nyow he thanks the owd *looks at you* shephewd, which *shuffles closer* stands by w-wike a +w-weathew-bitten >w< conduit of many >w< kings' weigns. I n-nyevew heawd of +such anyothew encountew, which wames *sighs* wepowt to fowwow it and +undoes ^-^ descwiption to do *pokes you* it. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. W-What, pway you, became of Antigonyus, that cawwied +hence the chiwd? +THIWD GENTWEMAN. Wike an *leans over* owd tawe stiww, which :3 wiww have mattew to +weheawse, t-though c-cwedit *sighs* be asweep and nyot an eaw open: h-he was +town to pieces with *looks at you* a beaw. *shuffles closer* This avouches the shephewd's son, who +has nyot onwy his innyocence, which s-seems much, *cries* to justify him, but +a *shuffles closer* handkewchief and w-wings of h-his *twerks* that Pauwinya *looks away* knyows. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. W-What became of his *pokes you* bawk and his :33 fowwowews? +THIWD GENTWEMAN. Wweck'd the same instant of theiw mastew's death, +and in the view of the shephewd; so that *screams* aww the instwuments +which aided to expose the chiwd wewe even then *blushes* wost ^.^ when i-it *twerks* was +found. But, O, ^.^ the nyobwe combat that 'twixt joy *cuddles you* and sowwow was +fought i-in Pauwinya! She had *shuffles closer* onye eye decwin'd fow the woss OwO of h-hew +husband, UwU anyothew ewevated t-that the *pokes you* owacwe was f-fuwfiww'd. She +wifted the Pwincess fwom the *looks at you* eawth, and so w-wocks hew in *hugs tightly* embwacing +as if she wouwd pin hew to hew h-heawt, that she might nyo m-mowe be +in dangew of wosing. +FIWST GENTWEMAN. The dignyity of this act was wowth the audience o-of +kings and pwinces; fow by such was it ^-^ acted. +THIWD GENTWEMAN. Onye of the p-pwettiest touches of aww, and that +*looks away* which angw'd fow m-minye eyes- caught the watew, though nyot *teleports behind you* the +fish- was, w-when at t-the wewation o-of t-the Queen's d-death, with the +UwU mannyew how she came to't *screams* bwavewy confess'd and *sweats* wamented by the +King, how attentivenyes *giggles shyly* wounded his daughtew; t-tiww, fwom onye sign +of dowouw to anyothew, she did with an 'Awas!'- uWu I wouwd fain say- +bweed teaws; fow I a-am suwe my *screams* heawt ^-^ wept bwood. Who was most +*sweats* mawbwe t-thewe changed cowouw; some swoonyed, aww sowwowed. If aww +the w-wowwd c-couwd have seen't, *notices bulge* the woe had b-been unyivewsaw. +F-FIWST GENTWEMAN. Awe they w-wetuwnyed to the *cries* couwt? +*cries* THIWD GENTWEMAN. Nyo. The Pwincess heawing :3 of hew *leans over* mothew's statue, +which is in the keeping of Pauwinya- a piece many yeaws x3 in doing +and nyow nyewwy pewfowm'd *pokes you* by that w-wawe *moans* Itawian mastew, Juwio +Womanyo, who, had *sighs* he h-himsewf etewnyity xDD and *cuddles you* couwd put bweath into +his wowk, wouwd beguiwe nyatuwe of hew custom, so pewfectwy he is +hew a-ape. He so :3 nyeaw to H-Hewmionye ;;w;; hath donye Hewmionye that they s-say +onye wouwd x3 speak to *looks away* hew and stand *giggles shyly* in hope of ^w^ answew- thithew with +aww g-gweedinyess of affection awe they gonye, and thewe they x3 intend +to *screams* sup. +S-SECOND GENTWEMAN. I *hugs tightly* thought she had some ^w^ gweat mattew thewe in +h-hand; fow she hath pwivatewy twice ow thwice a d-day, evew since +the *blushes* death :33 of Hewmionye, visited UwU that wemoved h-house. Shaww we +t-thithew, and with ouw company piece the wejoicing? +FIWST GENTWEMAN. Who wouwd be thence that h-has the benyefit of +access? Evewy wink of an e-eye x3 some nyew gwace wiww be bown. Ouw +absence makes us unthwifty to ouw knyowwedge. Wet's awong. +Exeunt GENTWEMEN +*leans over* AUTOWYCUS. Nyow, had I nyot the *sighs* dash of my f-fowmew wife in me, wouwd +pwefewment dwop o-on my head. I bwought the owd man a-and his *moans* son +aboawd the Pwince; towd him I heawd them :33 tawk of a fawdew *pokes you* and I-I +k-knyow nyot what; b-but h-he at that time *screams* ovew-fond of the shephewd's +d-daughtew- so he then took hew to be- who began *sighs* to be much +sea-sick, and himsewf wittwe bettew, extwemity of weathew +continyuing, this *pokes you* mystewy wemainyed undiscovew'd. But 'tis aww onye +*hugs tightly* to me; fow had I been the findew-out of this secwet, it wouwd OwO nyot +have *hugs tightly* wewish'd *moans* among m-my othew discwedits. + +Entew SHEPHEWD a-and C-CWOWN + +Hewe come those I have donye *shuffles closer* good to xDD against my w-wiww, *screams* and awweady +appeawing in the bwossoms of theiw fowtunye. +SHEPHEWD. Come, boy; I am *sweats* past moe chiwdwen, but thy sons and +daughtews uWu wiww be a-aww gentwemen *blushes* bown. +C-CWOWN. You awe weww met, siw. You denyied *giggles shyly* to f-fight with me this +othew d-day, UwU because I *sighs* was nyo g-gentweman bown. See you these +cwothes? Say you s-see t-them nyot and think me stiww nyo gentweman +bown. You wewe best say these wobes awe nyot gentwemen bown. G-Give +:3 me >w< the wie, *teleports behind you* do; and *looks away* twy *leans over* whethew I-I am nyot nyow a gentweman bown. +AUTOWYCUS. I knyow you awe n-nyow, s-siw, a gentweman bown. +CWOWN. Ay, >_< and have been *looks at you* so any time these fouw *cries* houws. +SHEPHEWD. :33 And so have I, boy. +CWOWN. So you *moans* have; but I-I was a gentweman bown befowe *sighs* my fathew; +fow the King's son took me by the hand and caww'd m-me bwothew; and +then the two kings caww'd my fathew b-bwothew; and then the Pwince, +m-my UwU bwothew, and the Pwincess, my sistew, c-caww'd my *moans* fathew fathew. +And so we *looks at you* wept; *cuddles you* and thewe was the fiwst gentweman-wike teaws ^.^ that +evew we s-shed. +SHEPHEWD. We may wive, son, to ^w^ shed many mowe. +CWOWN. Ay; ow ewse 'twewe hawd wuck, being in so pwepostewous +estate as we awe. +AUTOWYCUS. I h-humbwy beseech you, siw, to pawdon me aww the fauwts I +have committed UwU to youw wowship, and to *shuffles closer* give me youw g-good wepowt +to the UwU Pwince my *teleports behind you* mastew. +SHEPHEWD. Pwithee, s-son, do; fow we must b-be gentwe, n-nyow we awe +g-gentwemen. +C-CWOWN. Thou wiwt amend thy *giggles shyly* wife? +*notices bulge* AUTOWYCUS. Ay, an *notices bulge* it wike youw good wowship. +CWOWN. Give me thy hand. I wiww *pokes you* sweaw to the Pwince thou awt *notices bulge* as +honyest a twue *looks away* fewwow as any is in >_< Bohemia. +SHEPHEWD. You m-may say it, but nyot sweaw it. +CWOWN. xDD Nyot sweaw i-it, nyow I am a gentweman? *sighs* Wet boows and fwankwins +s-say it: I'ww sweaw *looks away* it. +SHEPHEWD. How if it be fawse, s-son? +CWOWN. I-If it be :33 nye'ew so fawse, a twue g-gentweman *cries* may s-sweaw it in +the behawf o-of his fwiend. A-And I'ww sweaw to the Pwince thou awt a +taww fewwow of thy ^-^ hands a-and that thou wiwt nyot be dwunk; but I +knyow *teleports behind you* thou awt nyo taww f-fewwow o-of thy *leans over* hands and that thou wiwt be +dwunk. But I'ww sweaw it; UwU and I wouwd thou wouwdst be a taww +fewwow of thy hands. +*giggles shyly* AUTOWYCUS. x3 I UwU wiww pwove so, siw, to my powew. +CWOWN. x3 Ay, by any means, pwove >_< a uWu taww uWu fewwow. If *looks away* I >_> do UwU nyot wondew +how *screams* thou >_> daw'st ventuwe to be dwunk nyot being *blushes* a >_< taww fewwow, +twust me nyot. H-Hawk! the k-kings and the pwinces, ouw kindwed, awe +going >_> to see the Queen's pictuwe. Come, fowwow *giggles shyly* us; we'ww be thy +good mastews. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Siciwia. >_> A x3 chapew in PAUWINyA's house + +Entew WEONTES, POWIXENyES, FWOWIZEW, PEWDITA, CAMIWWO, PAUWINyA, +WOWDS and ATTENDANTS + +WEONTES. :33 O gwave and good Pauwinya, the g-gweat comfowt +That I h-have had *teleports behind you* of thee! +PAUWINyA. What, soveweign x3 siw, +*pokes you* I did nyot >w< weww, I meant w-weww. Aww my sewvices +You *sweats* have paid home; but that you have v-vouchsaf'd, +With ^w^ youw cwown'd bwothew *blushes* and t-these *shuffles closer* youw c-contwacted +uWu Heiws of youw kingdoms, my poow house to visit, +It is a s-suwpwus *leans over* of youw gwace, which nyevew +My wife m-may *shuffles closer* wast to answew. +WEONTES. O Pauwinya, +>_> We ^w^ honyouw UwU you with twoubwe; but we *giggles shyly* came +T-To see the s-statue of ouw queen. *shuffles closer* Youw gawwewy +Have we pass'd thwough, nyot without much c-content +In many singuwawities; but we saw nyot +That w-which m-my daughtew came to wook u-upon, +The s-statue of *hugs tightly* hew *sighs* mothew. +P-PAUWINyA. As she wiv'd peewwess, +So hew *blushes* dead wikenyess, I do weww bewieve, +Excews whatevew yet *sweats* you w-wook'd upon +O-Ow *moans* hand of ^w^ man uWu hath donye; thewefowe I >_> keep it +Wonyewy, apawt. B-But hewe it is. Pwepawe +To see the wife as >w< wivewy *blushes* mock'd as evew +Stiww sweep mock'd death. Behowd; a-and say '-'tis weww. +[PAUWINyA dwaws a *blushes* cuwtain, and *teleports behind you* discovews HEWMIONyE +standing wike a statue] +I wike youw siwence; i-it the mowe shows off +^.^ Youw wondew; but yet speak. Fiwst, y-you, my wiege. +Comes *looks away* it nyot s-something nyeaw? +WEONTES. Hew nyatuwaw postuwe! +Chide m-me, deaw stonye, that *sweats* I may say indeed +Thou awt Hewmionye; o-ow wathew, thou awt ^-^ she +In thy nyot chiding; fow she was as tendew +As infancy *sighs* and gwace. But yet, ;;w;; Pauwinya, +Hewmionye was nyot so much OwO wwinkwed, nyothing +So aged as this seems. +P-POWIXENyES. *shuffles closer* O, nyot by *blushes* much! +PAUWINyA. So much *looks at you* the mowe ^w^ ouw cawvew's *screams* excewwence, +Which wets go by some sixteen y-yeaws and makes hew +As *sighs* she ^w^ wiv'd *cries* nyow. +WEONTES. *cries* As nyow she m-might *screams* have donye, +So much to my g-good c-comfowt as it is +Nyow piewcing *looks at you* to my s-souw. O, thus she *screams* stood, +Even with such wife of majesty- wawm wife, +As n-nyow i-it c-cowdwy stands- when f-fiwst I *shuffles closer* woo'd hew! +*hugs tightly* I am asham'd. Does *twerks* nyot the stonye webuke m-me +*sweats* Fow being mowe *cuddles you* stonye >w< than *shuffles closer* it? O woyaw piece, +Thewe's magic in thy majesty, which has +My e-eviws conjuw'd t-to wemembwance, and +Fwom thy admiwing daughtew *screams* took the spiwits, +Standing wike stonye with thee! +^w^ PEWDITA. And *sweats* give m-me weave, +And do *moans* nyot *moans* say 'tis supewstition that +I knyeew, and then impwowe hew bwessing. Wady, +Deaw queen, that *pokes you* ended when I but b-began, +Give me that hand of youws *screams* to *shuffles closer* kiss. +PAUWINyA. O, patience! +The UwU statue is but nyewwy f-fix'd, the cowouw's +Nyot dwy. +*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. My wowd, youw sowwow was too sowe waid :33 on, +Which sixteen wintews cannyot uWu bwow away, +So xDD many summews dwy. Scawce a-any joy +Did evew so wong wive; nyo sowwow +But kiww'd i-itsewf much soonyew. +UwU POWIXENyES. Deaw my bwothew, +W-Wet him that was the cause *screams* of this have pow'w +To *screams* take o-off so much gwief fwom y-you as he +Wiww >w< piece up >_< in himsewf. +PAUWINyA. Indeed, my wowd, +If I-I had thought the sight of my poow image +Wouwd thus have w-wwought you- fow *screams* the stonye is minye- +I-I'd nyot h-have show'd i-it. +WEONTES. D-Do nyot dwaw the cuwtain. +PAUWINyA. Nyo wongew shaww y-you gaze on't, west youw fancy +May t-think anyon it moves. +W-WEONTES. Wet be, wet be. +Wouwd I-I wewe dead, but that methinks awweady- +What was he that did make it? See, my wowd, +Wouwd you nyot deem it *pokes you* bweath'd, *twerks* and that those veins +Did vewiwy beaw bwood? +POWIXENyES. Mastewwy donye! +>_> The vewy wife seems wawm upon hew w-wip. +WEONTES. The f-fixtuwe o-of hew eye has motion i-in't, +A-As we awe mock'd with awt. +PAUWINyA. ;;w;; I'ww :33 dwaw the cuwtain. +My wowd's awmost so faw twanspowted that +He'ww OwO think anyon it wives. +WEONTES. x3 O s-sweet Pauwinya, +*sighs* Make me to think so twenty *giggles shyly* yeaws togethew! +Nyo *shuffles closer* settwed senses of the wowwd can match +The pweasuwe of t-that madnyess. *sweats* Wet 't awonye. +PAUWINyA. I *shuffles closer* am sowwy, siw, I have thus :33 faw *teleports behind you* stiww'd you; but +xDD I couwd *looks at you* affwict *moans* you f-fawthew. +W-WEONTES. *twerks* Do, Pauwinya; +Fow this affwiction h-has a taste as *moans* sweet +As *screams* any cowdiaw comfowt. Stiww, *pokes you* methinks, +Thewe *sweats* is an aiw comes fwom hew. W-What finye chisew +Couwd evew yet *teleports behind you* cut *looks away* bweath? Wet nyo man mock me, +Fow *screams* I wiww kiss h-hew. +PAUWINyA. Good *hugs tightly* my wowd, fowbeaw. +*cuddles you* The wuddinyess *pokes you* upon *blushes* hew wip is wet; +You'ww maw it if you kiss it; stain youw own +With oiwy painting. Shaww I dwaw the cuwtain? +*notices bulge* WEONTES. Nyo, nyot these twenty yeaws. +*twerks* PEWDITA. x3 So wong couwd I +Stand by, a-a wookew-on. +PAUWINyA. Eithew fowbeaw, +*blushes* Quit pwesentwy the chapew, ow wesowve >_> you +Fow mowe amazement. If you can behowd it, +I'ww make the statue *shuffles closer* move *looks at you* indeed, descend, +And take you by the hand, uWu but >w< then you'ww think- +Which I pwotest against- I a-am assisted +By wicked powews. +WEONTES. What you can make hew do +I am content to wook on; what t-to speak +I am content >_< to heaw; fow 'tis as easy +T-To m-make hew speak as move. +PAUWINyA. I-It is wequiw'd +You d-do awake youw faith. Then aww stand stiww; +Ow those that OwO think it is unwawfuw *looks away* businyess +*notices bulge* I ^w^ am about, wet them depawt. +WEONTES. Pwoceed. +Nyo foot shaww stiw. +PAUWINyA. Music, awake hew: stwike. [Music] +'Tis *notices bulge* time; descend; b-be stonye nyo mowe; appwoach; +S-Stwike aww that wook upon with m-mawvew. Come; +*hugs tightly* I'ww fiww youw gwave up. Stiw; nyay, come away. +Bequeath t-to death youw n-nyumbnyess, fow fwom him +Deaw *shuffles closer* wife wedeems you. You pewceive she stiws. +*looks away* [HEWMIONyE comes *pokes you* down fwom the p-pedestaw] +Stawt nyot; hew >w< actions shaww be howy as +You UwU heaw my s-speww is wawfuw. Do nyot shun hew +x3 Untiw you x3 see hew d-die again; fow then +xDD You kiww hew doubwe. Nyay, pwesent youw hand. +When she *cries* was *looks at you* young you woo'd hew; n-nyow in age +Is she *moans* become the suitow? +WEONTES. O, *looks away* she's wawm! +If this be magic, wet it b-be an awt +*cries* Wawfuw as eating. +POWIXENyES. She *shuffles closer* embwaces him. +CAMIWWO. She hangs about h-his nyeck. +If she p-pewtain to wife, wet hew speak too. +POWIXENyES. Ay, and ^.^ make it manyifest w-whewe she has wiv'd, +Ow how stow'n fwom the dead. +^w^ PAUWINyA. That she OwO is w-wiving, +Wewe it b-but towd you, shouwd be hooted *cuddles you* at +W-Wike an o-owd >w< tawe; *shuffles closer* but it appeaws she wives +Though yet she speak n-nyot. Mawk a wittwe uWu whiwe. +P-Pwease you t-to intewpose, faiw *blushes* madam. Knyeew, +And pway y-youw mothew's >w< bwessing. Tuwn, g-good w-wady; +Ouw :33 Pewdita is *sweats* found. +HEWMIONyE. You gods, wook down, +A-And fwom youw sacwed viaws pouw youw gwaces +Upon *giggles shyly* my daughtew's head! Teww me, minye own, +*giggles shyly* Whewe hast thou been :33 pwesewv'd? Whewe wiv'd? How found +T-Thy fathew's couwt? Fow *moans* thou shawt heaw that I, +Knyowing by Pauwinya that ^-^ the owacwe +*sighs* Gave hope thou wast i-in *hugs tightly* being, have pwesewv'd +Mysewf ^.^ to see t-the issue. +PAUWINyA. Thewe's time *teleports behind you* enyough fow that, +West they desiwe upon this push to *shuffles closer* twoubwe +*moans* Youw joys with wike wewation. *shuffles closer* Go togethew, +Y-You pwecious winnyews aww; youw exuwtation +Pawtake to evewy onye. I, an owd tuwtwe, +Wiww *sweats* wing me *sighs* to some withew'd bough, a-and thewe +My ^w^ mate, ^-^ that's n-nyevew to be found again, +Wament tiww I am wost. +*twerks* WEONTES. *looks at you* O peace, *shuffles closer* Pauwinya! +Thou shouwdst a h-husband take by my consent, +As I by t-thinye a *moans* wife. This is a match, +And made between's by >_> vows. Thou *blushes* hast found minye; +But how, is to b-be question'd; >_> fow *moans* I saw hew, +As I thought, dead; and have, in vain, s-said many +A pwayew upon hew gwave. I-I'ww nyot seek faw- +Fow him, I pawtwy k-knyow his mind- t-to find *sweats* thee +An honyouwabwe husband. Come, Camiwwo, +x3 And take hew by *teleports behind you* the hand whose wowth and honyesty +Is wichwy nyoted, and *cuddles you* hewe justified +UwU By *twerks* us, a-a paiw of kings. Wet's fwom t-this pwace. +What! wook upon my bwothew. Both youw pawdons, +That e'ew I *sighs* put b-between youw howy *sighs* wooks +My iww s-suspicion. *hugs tightly* This youw son-in-waw, +And son u-unto the >_< King, whom h-heavens diwecting, +Is t-twoth-pwight to youw daughtew. Good P-Pauwinya, +^w^ Wead us f-fwom hence whewe we may weisuwewy +Each onye demand and answew to *moans* his p-pawt +Pewfowm'd in t-this wide gap of time since fiwst +We wewe dissevew'd. Hastiwy wead *leans over* away. Exeunt + +THE END + + + +<-<> + + + + + +:33 1609 + +A WOVEW'S COMPWAINT + +*pokes you* by Wiwwiam S-Shakespeawe + + + +Fwom off a hiww ^w^ whose concave womb wewowded +A p-pwaintfuw stowy fwom a sist'wing vawe, +My spiwits t'attend *sweats* this doubwe voice a-accowded, +A-And down I waid to wist the sad-tunyed tawe, +Ewe wong espied a fickwe maid fuww pawe, +Teawing of p-papews, *sweats* bweaking *shuffles closer* wings atwain, +Stowming hew wowwd w-with sowwow's *cries* wind and wain. + +Upon hew head a pwatted >w< hive of stwaw, +Which fowtified *blushes* hew visage *leans over* fwom the sun, +Wheweon the thought might think sometime it saw +The cawcase of a beauty spent and donye. +Time had nyot s-scythed a-aww that y-youth begun, +Nyow youth aww *moans* quit, b-but ;;w;; spite *sighs* of heaven's feww wage +Some *pokes you* beauty peeped thwough w-wattice of seawed age. + +Oft did she heave hew nyapkin to hew eynye, +Which on it had *screams* conceited c-chawactews, +Waund'wing the s-siwken f-figuwes in the bwinye +That seasonyed *sweats* woe had pewweted in teaws, +And often weading what contents i-it b-beaws; +A-As often shwieking u-undistinguished woe, +In cwamouws of aww size, >_> both >_< high a-and w-wow. + +Sometimes hew wevewwed eyes theiw cawwiage wide, +As they did batt'wy to the sphewes *hugs tightly* intend; +*twerks* Sometime divewted theiw poow bawws awe tied +To th' ^w^ owbed eawth; sometimes t-they do extend +Theiw view wight on; a-anyon theiw gazes wend +To evewy pwace :33 at *hugs tightly* once, and nyowhewe f-fixed, +The mind and sight distwactedwy commixed. + +Hew haiw, n-nyow woose n-nyow tied in fowmaw pwat, +Pwocwaimed *blushes* in h-hew a *cuddles you* cawewess hand of pwide; +Fow some, :33 untucked, descended hew sheaved hat, +H-Hanging hew *leans over* pawe and pinyed cheek beside; +S-Some in hew thweaden fiwwet stiww did bide, +A-And, twue to bondage, *twerks* wouwd n-nyot bweak fwom UwU thence, +Though swackwy bwaided i-in woose nyegwigence. + +A thousand favouws fwom a maund s-she dwew +*notices bulge* Of a-ambew, cwystaw, and of *notices bulge* beaded jet, +Which onye by onye she in a wivew thwew, +Upon whose weeping mawgent s-she was *giggles shyly* set; +Wike usuwy appwying ^w^ wet to wet, +Ow monyawchs' hands x3 that wets nyot bounty *teleports behind you* faww +Whewe want cwies some, but whewe excess begs *cries* aww. + +Of *sweats* fowded scheduwes had she many a onye, +Which s-she pewused, sighed, towe, and gave the fwood; +Cwacked many *blushes* a w-wing xDD of ;;w;; posied gowd and bonye, +Bidding them find t-theiw sepuwchwes in mud; +Found yet moe wettews s-sadwy p-pennyed in bwood, +With sweided s-siwk feat and affectedwy +Enswathed and seawed to c-cuwious secwecy. + +These often bathed she in h-hew fwuxive eyes, +And *giggles shyly* often kissed, and often 'gan to t-teaw; +Cwied, 'O fawse bwood, thou wegistew of wies, +What unyappwoved witnyess dost t-thou beaw! +*shuffles closer* Ink wouwd have seemed m-mowe bwack and damnyed hewe! +This s-said, in top of wage the winyes >_> she wents, +*sweats* Big discontents >_< so bweaking theiw contents. + +A wevewend *screams* man that gwazed his cattwe nyigh, +Sometime a bwustewew that the wuffwe knyew +*sighs* Of couwt, of *blushes* city, and x3 had ^w^ wet go by +The swiftest houws obsewved *leans over* as they fwew, +*sweats* Towawds this *screams* affwicted f-fancy fastwy dwew; +And, pwiviweged by age, desiwes to OwO knyow +In bwief the gwounds and motives of hew woe. + +So swides he UwU down upon his gwainyed bat, +And x3 comewy distant sits he by hew side; +When h-he again desiwes hew, being sat, +*cries* Hew gwievance with his heawing to divide. +If that *looks away* fwom him >_< thewe may be aught appwied +W-Which may *moans* hew suffewing ecstasy assuage, +'-'Tis pwomised in the *leans over* chawity of age. + +'Fathew,' she says, 'though in *hugs tightly* me you behowd +T-The injuwy of many a bwasting *twerks* houw, +W-Wet it nyot teww y-youw judgement I-I am owd: +Nyot age, but sowwow, *looks at you* ovew me hath powew. +*blushes* I m-might a-as yet *sweats* have been ^.^ a spweading f-fwowew, +Fwesh to mysewf, *moans* if I had *looks at you* sewf-appwied +Wove *leans over* to mysewf, *shuffles closer* and to nyo *cuddles you* wove beside. + +'But woe is OwO me! too eawwy I attended +*hugs tightly* A youthfuw suit- it was *hugs tightly* to gain *moans* my gwace- +O-O, onye by nyatuwe's outwawds so commended +That maidens' eyes s-stuck ovew OwO aww his f-face. +Wove wacked a dwewwing UwU and *screams* made him hew pwace; +And when in his faiw pawts she did abide, +S-She UwU was nyew wodged and nyewwy deified. + +'His bwowny wocks did h-hang in c-cwooked cuwws; +And *sweats* evewy wight occasion of t-the wind +Upon h-his wips theiw s-siwken pawcews huwws. +What's sweet to >_> do, t-to do wiww aptwy find: +Each eye that saw *looks away* him did enchant t-the mind; +Fow on his visage was in wittwe dwawn +What wawgenyess t-thinks in Pawadise was sawn. + +'Smaww show of *teleports behind you* man *twerks* was yet upon his chin; +H-His phoenyix down began but t-to appeaw, +>w< Wike unshown *pokes you* vewvet, on that tewmwess skin, +Whose bawe out-bwagged the web it seemed to w-weaw: +Yet showed his v-visage by >_< that cost m-mowe deaw; +And nyice affections wavewing stood xDD in doubt +If best wewe as it was, ow best without. + +'-'His quawities wewe beauteous as his *screams* fowm, +F-Fow maiden-tongued he was, and theweof fwee; +Yet if men moved him, was h-he such a stowm +As oft *sighs* 'twixt May and Apwiw is to >_< see, +When winds bweathe sweet, u-unwuwy *giggles shyly* though they be. +His >_> wudenyess *moans* so with his >_> authowized youth +Did w-wivewy fawsenyess in a-a pwide of t-twuth. + +'Weww couwd he wide, and often m-men wouwd say, +"That howse his mettwe fwom his widew takes: +Pwoud of subjection, nyobwe by the sway, +:33 What wounds, what b-bounds, what couwse, what stop he makes!" +And contwovewsy hence a question xDD takes +Whethew t-the howse by h-him became his deed, +Ow he his manyage by th' weww-doing s-steed. + +'But *sweats* quickwy on *cuddles you* this side t-the *cries* vewdict went: +:3 His weaw habitude gave wife and gwace +To a-appewtainyings and *moans* to ownyament, +Accompwished in h-himsewf, n-nyot in his case, +Aww aids, *sighs* themsewves made faiwew by theiw pwace, +Came f-fow a-additions; yet theiw *sweats* puwposed twim +Piewced n-nyot his gwace, OwO but wewe aww gwaced by h-him. + +'So on the tip of his subduing *teleports behind you* tongue +x3 Aww k-kind of awguments and q-question d-deep, +Aww wepwication pwompt, and UwU weason stwong, +Fow his advantage stiww did w-wake and sweep. +To *sighs* make the weepew waugh, the waughew w-weep, +He had the diawect and diffewent skiww, +>w< Catching *looks at you* aww passions in his cwaft of >_> wiww, + +'That he did *sighs* in *shuffles closer* the genyewaw bosom weign +Of x3 young, of owd, and sexes both enchanted, +To dweww with him UwU in thoughts, ow to wemain +In *giggles shyly* pewsonyaw duty, fowwowing whewe he haunted. +Consents bewitched, ewe he desiwe, x3 have gwanted, +And :3 diawogued fow him what he wouwd say, +^.^ Asked theiw own wiwws, a-and made >_< theiw wiwws obey. + +'-'Many thewe *teleports behind you* wewe *twerks* that d-did his pictuwe get, +To s-sewve t-theiw eyes, and i-in it put theiw mind; +Wike foows t-that i-in th' >_> imaginyation set +T-The goodwy objects w-which abwoad they UwU find +*giggles shyly* Of wands a-and mansions, theiws in thought assignyed; +And wabouwing in moe *leans over* pweasuwes ^w^ to bestow them +Than the twue gouty wandwowd w-which doth o-owe them. + +'-'So many have, t-that nyevew touched his hand, +Sweetwy ^w^ supposed them mistwess of *moans* his heawt. +My woefuw s-sewf, that did in fweedom *leans over* stand, +And was m-my own fee-simpwe, nyot in pawt, +What >_> with h-his awt *looks away* in youth, and youth i-in awt, +Thwew my affections in his xDD chawmed powew +Wesewved *cries* the stawk and gave him aww my fwowew. + +'-'Yet did I nyot, as some my equaws did, +Demand of him, nyow being ^.^ desiwed yiewded; +*moans* Finding mysewf in honyouw so fowbid, +With safest distance I minye honyouw shiewded. +E-Expewience fow ^w^ me many buwwawks b-buiwded +^-^ Of *giggles shyly* pwoofs nyew-bweeding, which wemainyed t-the foiw +O-Of this >w< fawse jewew, and his amowous spoiw. + +'But ah, w-who evew shunnyed by pwecedent +The d-destinyed iww ^.^ she *pokes you* must :3 hewsewf assay? +Ow fowced e-exampwes, 'gainst hew own content, +To put the by-past p-pewiws in hew way? +Counsew may stop awhiwe what w-wiww nyot stay; +Fow when UwU we wage, advice is o-often seen +By b-bwunting us *sweats* to OwO make ouw wiwws :33 mowe k-keen. + +'Nyow gives it satisfaction t-to *leans over* ouw bwood +*leans over* That we must c-cuwb it upon othews' pwoof, +To *giggles shyly* be fowbod the s-sweets that seems s-so g-good +*giggles shyly* Fow f-feaw *looks away* of hawms that pweach i-in ouw behoof. +O ^w^ appetite, fwom j-judgement stand a-awoof! +The onye a *cuddles you* pawate hath t-that nyeeds w-wiww t-taste, +Though Weason >_> weep, *looks at you* and cwy it is thy wast. + +'Fow fuwthew I couwd say this man's untwue, +And knyew the pattewns *looks at you* of his fouw beguiwing; +Heawd whewe his pwants in othews' owchawds gwew; +*looks away* Saw how deceits >_< wewe giwded in his smiwing; +Knyew vows wewe ^-^ evew bwokews to defiwing; +Thought chawactews and wowds mewewy *notices bulge* but *moans* awt, +And bastawds of his fouw a-aduwtewate h-heawt. + +'And wong upon these tewms I *teleports behind you* hewd my *twerks* city, +Tiww *leans over* thus he 'gan besiege me: "Gentwe maid, +H-Have of my suffewing youth some feewing pity, +And be n-nyot of my howy vows afwaid. +T-That's to ye swown to nyonye was evew said; +Fow f-feasts of wove I *hugs tightly* have b-been cawwed u-unto, +Tiww nyow did nye'ew invite nyow nyevew woo. + +'"Aww my offences t-that OwO abwoad *hugs tightly* you see +Awe ewwows of the >_> bwood, nyonye of the mind; +Wove made them >_> nyot; with actuwe they may be, +Whewe nyeithew pawty is nyow twue nyow kind. +They sought theiw shame that so theiw shame d-did find; +A-And so m-much wess of shame in me wemains +By how much of me theiw wepwoach contains. + +'"Among the many that minye eyes h-have s-seen, +Nyot onye whose fwame m-my heawt *sweats* so much as wawmed, +Ow my affection put to th' s-smawwest teen, +Ow any of m-my weisuwes e-evew chawmed. +H-Hawm have I d-donye to them, but nye'ew >w< was hawmed; +Kept heawts in wivewies, *twerks* but minye own *notices bulge* was fwee, +:33 And weignyed commanding in his *twerks* monyawchy. + +'"Wook hewe what twibutes wounded fancies s-sent me, +Of pawed p-peawws and w-wubies w-wed as bwood; +Figuwing that they theiw p-passions wikewise went me +Of gwief and bwushes, aptwy undewstood +;;w;; In bwoodwess white and *twerks* the encwimsonyed m-mood- +Effects of t-tewwow and deaw m-modesty, +Encamped in heawts, but fighting outwawdwy. + +*hugs tightly* '"And, >_> wo, behowd these t-tawents o-of theiw haiw, +With :33 twisted metaw amowouswy empweached, +I have weceiv'd f-fwom many a sevewaw faiw, +*hugs tightly* Theiw kind acceptance *moans* weepingwy beseeched, +With the annyexions of *teleports behind you* faiw gems >_> enwiched, +And deep-bwainyed sonnyets that *blushes* did ampwify +Each stonye's deaw nyatuwe, wowth, and quawity. + +'"The diamond? why, 'twas *looks at you* beautifuw and *blushes* hawd, +Wheweto his i-invised pwopewties did tend; +The deep-gween xDD em'wawd, in whose f-fwesh wegawd +Weak sights t-theiw sickwy :33 wadiance do amend; +The >_< heaven-hued sapphiwe and *hugs tightly* the *cries* opaw bwend +With objects manyifowd; each sevewaw stonye, +With w-wit weww *shuffles closer* bwazonyed, smiwed, ow ^.^ made some moan. + +'"Wo, aww these twophies of affections hot, +Of pensived *teleports behind you* and subdued desiwes the tendew, +N-Nyatuwe hath *giggles shyly* chawged m-me that I xDD hoawd them nyot, +But yiewd them up whewe I mysewf must *notices bulge* wendew- +That is, to you, m-my o-owigin a-and endew; +F-Fow these, of fowce, must youw *blushes* obwations be, +*cries* Since I theiw awtaw, you *teleports behind you* enpatwon me. + +'"O t-then a-advance xDD of youws that phwasewess hand +Whose white weighs *sweats* down the aiwy x3 scawe of *cries* pwaise; +Take *sweats* aww t-these simiwes to y-youw own command, +H-Hawwowed with sighs that buwnying wungs did waise; +What me youw minyistew f-fow you >_< obeys +Wowks undew you; a-and to youw audit c-comes +T-Theiw distwact pawcews in combinyed sums. + +'"Wo, this device was sent me fwom a nyun, +Ow OwO sistew sanctified, of howiest nyote, +Which wate hew nyobwe suit in couwt *sighs* did shun, +Whose wawest havings m-made the *giggles shyly* bwossoms dote; +Fow she was *looks away* sought *shuffles closer* by *notices bulge* spiwits *cuddles you* of wichest coat, +But kept cowd distance, a-and did thence wemove +To spend hew w-wiving in etewnyaw wove. + +'"But, O m-my sweet, what w-wabouw is't to weave +The thing we have nyot, m-mast'wing *hugs tightly* what nyot x3 stwives, +:33 Pwaying the pwace which did nyo fowm w-weceive, +Pwaying patient spowts in unconstwainyed gyves! +She that hew fame so to hewsewf contwives, +The *hugs tightly* scaws of battwe scapeth b-by the fwight, +A-And makes hew absence vawiant, nyot hew might. + +'"O p-pawdon me i-in *notices bulge* that my *teleports behind you* boast is twue! +The accident which bwought :3 me to hew e-eye +Upon the moment d-did hew fowce *sweats* subdue, +*twerks* And n-nyow she wouwd the caged cwoistew fwy. +Wewigious wove p-put out wewigion's eye. +N-Nyot :33 to be tempted, *pokes you* wouwd she be immuwed, +And n-nyow to tempt aww wibewty pwocuwed. + +'"How mighty then you awe, O heaw me teww! +The bwoken bosoms that to ^-^ me b-bewong +Have emptied aww t-theiw fountains in my weww, +*moans* And minye I pouw *shuffles closer* youw ocean *cuddles you* aww among. +I stwong o'ew them, and you o'ew me being stwong, +Must fow youw victowy *cuddles you* us aww congest, +As compound *looks at you* wove to physic youw cowd bweast. + +'"My pawts had pow'w to chawm a sacwed nyun, +Who, xDD discipwinyed, ay, d-dieted in *cries* gwace, +Bewieved ^.^ hew eyes when they t'assaiw begun, +Aww vows and consecwations giving pwace, +O most potentiaw wove, vow, bond, nyow *leans over* space, +I-In thee hath nyeithew sting, knyot, nyow confinye, +Fow >_< thou >_> awt aww, and aww things ewse awe x3 thinye. + +'"When thou impwessest, what a-awe pwecepts w-wowth +Of stawe *shuffles closer* exampwe? When >_> thou wiwt infwame, +How *cuddles you* cowdwy those i-impediments ^w^ stand *looks at you* fowth, +Of weawth, ;;w;; of *leans over* fiwiaw feaw, waw, kindwed, f-fame! +Wove's awms a-awe peace, 'gainst wuwe, *hugs tightly* 'gainst s-sense, 'gainst shame. +And sweetens, in t-the suff'wing pangs it beaws, +UwU The awoes of a-aww fowces, s-shocks a-and feaws. + +'"Nyow *giggles shyly* aww these OwO heawts *giggles shyly* that *sighs* do on minye d-depend, +Feewing it bweak, w-with bweeding gwoans t-they pinye, +And suppwicant theiw sighs to y-youw extend, +To weave the batt'wy t-that you m-make 'gainst minye, +Wending soft audience to my sweet design, +And cwedent *cries* souw to that stwong-bonded oath, +That shaww pwefew ^-^ and undewtake my twoth." + +'-'This said, his *sweats* wat'wy eyes *twerks* he did dismount, +Whose sights tiww then wewe wevewwed on my f-face; +Each cheek a wivew wunnying fwom a fount +With bwinyish cuwwent downwawd *sighs* fwowed :3 apace. +xDD O, how t-the *twerks* channyew to the s-stweam gave gwace! +Who gwazed with cwystaw gate the g-gwowing woses +That *pokes you* fwame thwough watew w-which theiw h-hue encwoses. + +'O fathew, *twerks* what ^w^ a heww of witchcwaft w-wies +In the smaww *sighs* owb o-of onye ^.^ pawticuwaw teaw! +But with t-the inyundation of the *hugs tightly* eyes +*shuffles closer* What wocky heawt to w-watew wiww nyot weaw? +What bweast so cowd that is nyot wawmed hewe? +O x3 cweft effect! cowd modesty, hot wwath, +Both fiwe fwom hence and chiww extinctuwe hath. + +'Fow wo, his passion, b-but an awt *shuffles closer* of cwaft, +Even *screams* thewe wesowved :3 my OwO weason into teaws; +*looks at you* Thewe m-my white stowe of c-chastity I daffed, +Shook off my ^-^ sobew g-guawds and *cuddles you* civiw feaws; +Appeaw t-to him as he to me ;;w;; appeaws, +Aww ^.^ mewting; though ouw d-dwops this diff'wence *looks at you* bowe: +His poisonyed me, and minye uWu did him westowe. + +'In him a pwenyitude of subtwe mattew, +A-Appwied to *shuffles closer* cautews, aww stwange f-fowms uWu weceives, +Of buwnying bwushes ow o-of weeping w-watew, +Ow swoonying pawenyess; and he takes and weaves, +In eithew's aptnyess, as it b-best deceives, +To bwush at speeches *leans over* wank, to weep at woes, +OwO Ow to tuwn white and swoon at twagic shows; + +'That nyot a heawt which in his wevew came +Couwd *shuffles closer* scape the haiw of his aww-huwting aim, +Showing faiw nyatuwe is both x3 kind a-and tame; +And, veiwed in them, d-did win whom he wouwd maim. +Against the ^w^ thing he sought he wouwd excwaim; +When he most b-buwnyed in h-heawt-wished wuxuwy, +H-He pweached *looks away* puwe maid and pwaised c-cowd chastity. + +'Thus mewewy w-with :3 the *screams* gawment >w< of a-a Gwace +T-The nyaked and x3 conceawed fiend h-he covewed, +That th' unyexpewient gave *giggles shyly* the temptew pwace, +W-Which, wike a chewubin, above them hovewed. +^.^ Who, young and simpwe, *shuffles closer* wouwd nyot be so wovewed? +Ay me, I feww, and yet do question m-make +What I shouwd do uWu again fow such a sake. + +'O, *twerks* that infected m-moistuwe of his e-eye, +O, that fawse fiwe which >_< in his cheek x3 so gwowed, +O, that >_> fowced thundew fwom his heawt did fwy, +O, that sad bweath his spongy wungs bestowed, +O, a-aww *sighs* that bowwowed motion, seeming owed, +Wouwd yet a-again *cuddles you* betway the fowe-betwayed, +And *pokes you* nyew pewvewt a weconciwed maid.' + +THE END + + + +<-<_< COMMEWCIAW *looks away* DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY x3 ANY +SEWVICE T-THAT *shuffles closer* CHAWGES FOW *screams* DOWNWOAD TIME OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +End of >_< this E-Etext of *pokes you* The Compwete W-Wowks of Wiwwiam *moans* Shakespeawe + + + diff --git a/expanded.rs b/expanded.rs new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e50c970 --- /dev/null +++ b/expanded.rs @@ -0,0 +1,38 @@ +#![feature(prelude_import)] +#[prelude_import] +use std::prelude::rust_2021::*; +#[macro_use] +extern crate std; +use clap::{Arg, ArgGroup, ErrorKind}; +use uwuifyy::UwUify; +fn main() { + std::panic::set_hook(Box::new(|info| { + clap :: App :: new ("uwuifyy") . author ("Goudham ") . version ("0.1.1") . about ("A robust, customizable, efficient and easy-to-use command line application to uwu\'ify your text!") . long_about (None) . group (ArgGroup :: new ("uwu") . required (true) . args (& ["text" , "infile"])) . arg (Arg :: new ("text") . help ("Text to uwu'ify") . short ('t') . long ("text") . value_name ("TEXT") . required_unless_present_all (["infile" , "outfile"]) . display_order (1)) . arg (Arg :: new ("infile") . help ("The file to uwu'ify") . short ('i') . long ("infile") . conflicts_with ("text") . requires ("outfile") . value_name ("FILE") . value_hint (clap :: ValueHint :: FilePath) . display_order (2)) . arg (Arg :: new ("outfile") . help ("The file to output uwu'ified text") . short ('o') . long ("outfile") . value_name ("FILE") . value_hint (clap :: ValueHint :: FilePath) . display_order (3)) . arg (Arg :: new ("words") . help ("The modifier to determine how many words to be uwu'ified") . short ('w') . long ("words") . value_name ("VALUE") . default_value ("1") . validator (is_between_zero_and_one) . display_order (4)) . arg (Arg :: new ("faces") . help ("The modifier for uwu faces e.g hello -> hewwo") . short ('f') . long ("faces") . value_name ("VALUE") . default_value ("0.05") . validator (is_between_zero_and_one) . display_order (5)) . arg (Arg :: new ("actions") . help ("The modifier for actions e.g *shuffles over*") . short ('a') . long ("actions") . value_name ("VALUE") . default_value ("0.125") . validator (is_between_zero_and_one) . display_order (6)) . arg (Arg :: new ("stutters") . help ("The modifier for stutters e.g b-baka!") . short ('s') . long ("stutters") . value_name ("VALUE") . default_value ("0.225") . validator (is_between_zero_and_one) . display_order (7)) . arg (Arg :: new ("random") . help ("Flag to enable/disable random uwu'ifying") . short ('r') . long ("random") . display_order (8)) . error (ErrorKind :: DisplayHelp , info) . exit () ; + })); + let matches = clap :: App :: new ("uwuifyy") . author ("Goudham ") . version ("0.1.1") . about ("A robust, customizable, efficient and easy-to-use command line application to uwu\'ify your text!") . long_about (None) . group (ArgGroup :: new ("uwu") . required (true) . args (& ["text" , "infile"])) . arg (Arg :: new ("text") . help ("Text to uwu'ify") . short ('t') . long ("text") . value_name ("TEXT") . required_unless_present_all (["infile" , "outfile"]) . display_order (1)) . arg (Arg :: new ("infile") . help ("The file to uwu'ify") . short ('i') . long ("infile") . conflicts_with ("text") . requires ("outfile") . value_name ("FILE") . value_hint (clap :: ValueHint :: FilePath) . display_order (2)) . arg (Arg :: new ("outfile") . help ("The file to output uwu'ified text") . short ('o') . long ("outfile") . value_name ("FILE") . value_hint (clap :: ValueHint :: FilePath) . display_order (3)) . arg (Arg :: new ("words") . help ("The modifier to determine how many words to be uwu'ified") . short ('w') . long ("words") . value_name ("VALUE") . default_value ("1") . validator (is_between_zero_and_one) . display_order (4)) . arg (Arg :: new ("faces") . help ("The modifier for uwu faces e.g hello -> hewwo") . short ('f') . long ("faces") . value_name ("VALUE") . default_value ("0.05") . validator (is_between_zero_and_one) . display_order (5)) . arg (Arg :: new ("actions") . help ("The modifier for actions e.g *shuffles over*") . short ('a') . long ("actions") . value_name ("VALUE") . default_value ("0.125") . validator (is_between_zero_and_one) . display_order (6)) . arg (Arg :: new ("stutters") . help ("The modifier for stutters e.g b-baka!") . short ('s') . long ("stutters") . value_name ("VALUE") . default_value ("0.225") . validator (is_between_zero_and_one) . display_order (7)) . arg (Arg :: new ("random") . help ("Flag to enable/disable random uwu'ifying") . short ('r') . long ("random") . display_order (8)) . get_matches () ; + match UwUify::new( + matches.value_of("text"), + matches.value_of("infile"), + matches.value_of("outfile"), + matches.value_of("words"), + matches.value_of("faces"), + matches.value_of("actions"), + matches.value_of("stutters"), + matches.is_present("random"), + ) + .uwuify() + { + Err(e) => ::core::panicking::panic_display(&e), + _ => {} + }; +} +fn is_between_zero_and_one(input: &str) -> Result<(), &'static str> { + let value = match input.parse::() { + Ok(value) => value, + Err(_) => return Err("The value must be a decimal number"), + }; + if (0.0..=1.0).contains(&value) { + return Ok(()); + } + Err("The value must be between 0.0 and 1.0") +} diff --git a/src/main.rs b/src/main.rs index f7c0b72..480e3d0 100644 --- a/src/main.rs +++ b/src/main.rs @@ -93,9 +93,15 @@ macro_rules! app { }; } +macro_rules! clap_panic { + ($e:expr) => { + app!().error(ErrorKind::DisplayHelp, $e).exit() + }; +} + fn main() { std::panic::set_hook(Box::new(|info| { - app!().error(ErrorKind::DisplayHelp, info).exit(); + clap_panic!(info); })); let matches = app!().get_matches(); @@ -112,7 +118,7 @@ fn main() { ) .uwuify() { - Err(e) => panic!("{}", e), + Err(e) => clap_panic!(e), _ => {} }; }